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Stasis interrupted. Fire in cryogenic compartment. Repeat. Fire in cryogenic compartment. All personnel report to... emergency escape vehicle launchpad. Deep space flight will commence... in T minus 20 seconds. An E.E.V.'s come down. Get down to the beach. There may be others. Now! Talk to me. All right, all right. Let's get it going. Keep it together. Come on. Right. Right. Here we go, Mr. Dillon. Give us strength, O Lord, to endure. We recognize that we are poor sinners in the hands of an angry God. Let the circle be un oken... until the day. - Amen. - Amen. Thank you, gentlemen. This is rumor control. Here are the facts. As some of you know... a 337 model E.E.V... crash-landed here at 0600... on the morning watch. There was one survivor... two dead and a droid that was hopelessly smashed beyond repair. The survivor is a woman. I just want to say that I have taken a vow of celibacy. - So have we all. - That also includes women. - Yes. - We've all taken the vow! - Shut your gob, Morse. - I'd like to say, that I for one... do not appreciate company policy allowing her to freely... intermingle with inmates and the rest of the staff. What other means to say is we view the presence of any outsider... especially a woman, as a violation of the harmony... a potential eak in the spiritual unity. We are well aware of your feelings in this matter. You will be pleased to know that I have requested a rescue team. Hopefully, they will be here inside of a week... and evacuate her A.S.A.P. Don't give us that! What's her medical status? She doesn't seem too badly damaged. She's unconscious. Can't give you a more specific diagnosis at the moment. - Will she live? - I would think so. Look. It's in everybody's interest... the woman doesn't come out of the infirmary until the rescue team arrives. And certainly not without an escort, right? Sir. Gentlemen, we should all stick to our set routine... and not get unduly agitated. - Right. - Correct? All right. Thank you, gentlemen. - All right. - Better get here sooner. - There ain't gonna be much left. - Everybody's dead. What's that? It's just a little cocktail of my own mix. Sort of eye-opener. You the doctor? My name is Clemens. I'm the chief medical officer here. - Here? - Fury 161. It's one of Weyland-Yutani's backwater work prisons... it grieves me to say. Do you mind? This is basically a stabilizer. I really ought to shave your head. We have a big problem with lice here. And when you're feeling better, I'll give you some clippers... - and you can tend to your private parts yourself. - How'd I get here? You crash-landed in an E.E.V. Evidently separated from your mother ship before you hit our atmosphere. You have any idea how long you were in hypersleep? Coming out the way you did can be a jolt on your system. Yeah, I'll be sick for a couple weeks. Indeed. Where are the others? They didn't make it. - What? - They didn't survive. I have to get to the ship. - I have to get to the ship. - You're in no condition for that. You wanna get me some clothes, or should I just go like this? Given the nature of our indigenous population, I would suggest clothes. None of them have seen a woman in years. Neither have I for that matter. This used to be a 5000 convict facility... but it's been reduced to a custodial staff of 25. - Why? - Keep the pilot light on. The pilot light for what? Blocked furnace. Natural methane. We have a foundry, Lieutenant Ripley. The inmates forge lead sheets for toxic waste containers. How do you know my name? It's stenciled on the back of your shorts. Release the cable! - Where are the bodies? - We have a morgue. We put them there until the investigative team arrives in about a week, I think. - There was a droid. - Disconnected. There were bits and pieces of him all over the place. We put what was left on the rubbish tow. The corporal was impaled by that safety support. He never knew what hit him. And the girl? She drowned in her cryo-tube. I don't think she was conscious when it happened. I'm... sorry. What's the matter? - Where is she? - In the morgue. I have to see her. I have to see what's left of her. Is there any particular reason that you're so insistent? Yes. I have to be sure how she died. I hate to be repetitious about such a sensitive subject... but it is perfectly clear that she drowned. Was she your daughter? No. She wasn't. Could I have a moment alone, please? Yes, of course. Forgive me. What's she doing? Okay? No. We have to do an autopsy. - What? - I told you... we have to make sure how she died. And I told you, she drowned. I'm not so sure. I have to see inside ofher. You're disorientated. Half your system's still in... I have a very, very good reason. Well, perhaps you'd like to share that reason. Possible contagion. What kind exactly? - Cholera. - Cholera? There hasn't been a case of cholera reported for 200 years. Please. Everything's in place. There's no sign of infection. - No indication of disease. - The chest. Open the chest. Careful. Lungs. Flooded with fluid. Ergo, she drowned. Now, since I'm not a complete idiot... would you like to tell me what we're really looking for? Mr. Clemens. Superintendent. I don't believe you've met Lieutenant Ripley. What's going on, Mr. Clemens? That's right, sir. What's going on, Mr. Clemens? Well, first... the lieutenant is feeling much better, I'm happy to say. Second, in the interest of public health... - I am performing an autopsy. - Without my authority. Well, there didn't seem to be time. But it's turned out all right. - There's no sign of contagion in the body. - Good. But it might be helpful if Lt. Ripley didn't parade around in front of the prisoners... as I am told she did in the last hour. It might also be helpful... if you kept me informed as to any change in her physical status. Or would that be asking too much? - We have to cremate the bodies. - Nonsense. We'll keep their bodies on ice... - till the rescue team arrives. - On ice. There is the public health issue. The lieutenant feels that there is still a possibility of a communicable infection. I thought you said there was no sign of disease. It would appear that the child drowned. But without the benefit of proper laboratory tests... it's impossible to be absolutely certain. I would consider it unwise... to tolerate even the possibility of an unwelcomed virus. An out eak of cholera would look extremely bad on a report. Would it not, sir? We've 25 prisoners in this facility. All double Y chromos. All thieves, rapists, murderers, child molesters. All scum. Just because they've taken on religion, doesn't make them any less dangerous. I try not to offend their convictions. I don't want to upset the order. I don't want ripples in the water. And I don't want a woman walking around giving them ideas. I see. For my own personal safety. Exactly. I will leave the details of the cremation to you, Mr. Clemens. They may use the furnace, but I want everyone back in lockup by 2200 hours. Recorded, sir. - Christmas has come early, Murph. - What do you mean? - Any dead ox is a good ox. - You're bloody right. Smelly bastard's all covered in lice. There's only seven of the friggin' things left, and then we're done with them. God, I hates hosin' these bastards down. I always get shite all over me boots. - Sure we're gonna hose these things down, Frank? - Yeah. If you had the chance, what would you say to her? - What do you mean, if I got the chance? - You know. - If you got the chance. - You mean, casual like? Yeah. I mean, how would you put it to her if you bumped into her in the mess hall or somewhere? No problem! I've never had any problem with the ladies. I'd say to her, Good day, my dear. How's it goin'? Anything I could do to be of service? Then I'd give her the look, you know... up and down. And I'd give her the wink, the dirty smile. - She'd soon get the picture. - Yeah, right. And then she'd say, Kiss my ass, you horny old fucker! I'd be happy to kiss her ass. I'd be happy to kiss her anywhere she wants. - Yeah, but treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. Right, Frank? - Told you before, Murph. Treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen. You can't go wrong. What do you think killed Babe? Beats me. She just keeled over. - How old was she? - The charts say 11. In her prime. Never mind. - We'll chop her up later and throw her in the stew. - Right. Hey, Frank. What's this? We commit this child... and this man to your keeping, O Lord. Their bodies... have been taken from the shadow of our nights. They have been released... from all darkness and pain. The child and the man... have gone beyond our world. They are forever eternal... and everlasting. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Why? Why are the innocent punished? Why the sacrifice? Why the pain? There aren't any promises. Nothing's certain. Only that some get called, some get saved. She won't ever know the hardship and grief... for those of us left behind. We commit these bodies to the void... with a glad heart. For within each seed... there is a promise of a flower. And within each death... no matter how small... there's always a new life. A new beginning. Amen. Amen. I'll tell you, it's fucking weird. The only one to survive that crash is a woman. What trouble can she become? She's already changed everything. What the fuck are we supposed to... I mean it. Okay. There's a lot of talk going around that we've got some disharmony here? Any you guys want to tell me what the problem is? Come on. Speak to me, others. All right. I'll tell ya. I don't mind the dark. I don't mind the bugs. I don't mind wanderin' around in some cold, wet, damp tunnel for a week at a time. I don't mind anything. But I mind Golic. That the way you feel about it? Yeah. The guy's crazy and he smells bad. I ain't going out with him anymore. You got anything to say for yourself? Well, he's going with you. Golic is just another poor, miserable, suffering son of a bitch just like you and me. - 'Cept he smells worse. - And he's crazy. Knock off the shit! You got a job to do. I don't want to hear another word about Golic. Okay? Okay? As I thought, Mr. Aaron. - As I thought. - You called it, sir. I just wanted to say thanks for what you said at the funeral. My friends would have appreciated it. Yeah, well, you don't wanna know me, lady. I'm a murderer and rapist of women. Really? Well, I guess I must make you nervous. - You have any faith, sister? - Not much. Well, we've got a lot of faith here. Enough even for you. I thought women weren't allowed. Well, we've never had any before... but we tolerate anybody. - Even the intolerable. - Thank you. That's just a statement of principle. Nothing personal. You see, we've got a good place to wait here. And until now, no temptation. What are you waiting for? We're waiting for God to return... and raise his servants to redemption. Dillon and the rest of the alternative people... em aced religion, as it were, about five years ago. - Tempt you? - I'm on medication. - Hardly. - What kind of religion? Some sort of apocalyptic, millenarian, Christian fundamentalist... - Right. - Exactly. Point is, when the company wanted to close the facility down... Dillon and the rest of the converts wanted to stay. And they were allowed to remain as custodians... with two minders... and a medical officer. And here we are. How did you get this wonderful assignment? How do you like your new haircut? It's okay. Now that I've gone out on a limb for you with Andrews... damaged my already less-than-perfect relationship with that good man... and iefed you... on the humdrum history of Fury 161... can you not tell me what you were looking for in the girl? You attracted to me? In what way? In that way. Very direct. I've been out here a long time. So have I. Hey, Spike. Spike? Spikey! Are you down there? What are you doing? I really appreciate your affections... but I am aware that they... deflected my question. In the nicest possible way, of course. You're spoiling the mood. I have a job to do. I just want to know why we had to cremate the bodies. And now that I'm in your cot... you think I owe you an answer. I think you owe me an answer. Being in my bed's got nothing to do with it. I had a terrible dream in hypersleep. And I had to be sure what killed her. Anyway, I made a mistake. Possibly. And now I've made another mistake. Really? What's that? Fraternizing with a prisoner. Physical contact. It's against the rules, isn't it? Definitely. When was this? I think you know. I'm not a prisoner. You have a bar code on the back of your head. That does deserve an explanation. But I don't think now is the moment. Sorry. We are rather spoiling things, aren't we? Mr. Clemens. - Mr. Aaron. - Superintendent Andrews would like you to report... to vent shaft 22 on the second quadrant now. - We've had an accident. - Something serious? You could call it that. One of our prisoners has been... diced. Sorry. I have to go. Official duties. - Who was it? - Murphy. How do you know? That's his boot. I gave him the assignment, sir. He was a wanker. No apologies, Mr. Aaron. It wasn't your fault. Well, not much to say, is there? - Death was instantaneous. - No shit. I take it he was pulled into the fan. A sudden rush of air, I'd imagine, except... Right. Almost happened to me once. I've told him so many times, Stay away from the fans. Nobody bloody listens. Except the fan was blowing. - What's that? - I don't know. I want to see you in my quarters in 30 minutes, if you please, Mr. Clemens. Have you got any ideas? Here you are. You know, wandering around without an escort... is really gonna piss Superintendent Andrews off. Will you tell me about your accident? One of the prisoners has been killed. Really? How? In the air shaft. Poor soul backed into a nine-foot fan. I found something at the accident site... just a bit away from where it happened. A mark. A burn. Rather like the one you found on the girl's cryo-tube. Look. I'm on your side. I want to help, but I need to know what's going on... or what you think is going on. If you really wanna help... find me a computer with audio capabilities... so I can access this flight recorder. We don't have anything like that here. - Well, what about Bishop? - Bishop? The droid that crashed with me. I can point you in the right direction. I can't join you. I have a previous engagement. This'll clop you up. Golic, don't fidget. What's all this shit? It's not properly wrapped. - What the hell does he ever do right? - Eat. - He got that down pretty good. - Golic! - You light a candle for Murphy. - Plus thousands. He was special. Never complained about me once. I loved him. Is it true what they say? His head split into a million pieces? Okay. Who's got the matches? - Sit down, Mr. Clemens. - Thank you. - Sugar? - No thanks. - Milk? - Just a little, please. Thank you, Mr. Aaron. Listen to me, you piece of shit. You screw with me one more time, I'll cut you in half. I'm sorry. I don't think I understand. At 0700 hours, I received word from the network. I may point out this is the first high-level communication... this installation has ever received to my knowledge. They want this woman looked after. - They consider her to be very high priority. - Why? I have no idea. But why did you let her out of the infirmary? This accident with Murphy is what happens... when one of these dumb sons of a bitches walks around with a hard-on. I'm a doctor. You're the jailer. We both know exactly what you are. - Sit down. - I think it might be better if I left. I find you... unpleasant to be around. You do? Isn't that lovely? Consider this, Mr. Clemens. How would you like me to explain your sordid history... to your newfound friend? For her personal edification, of course. Now sit the hell down. I don't like you. You're unpredictable. Insolent. Possibly dangerous. You question everything! If I didn't need a medical officer... I wouldn't let you within light years of this operation. - I'm eternally grateful. Keep your sarcasms to yourself. Now, is there anything I should know? - About what? - About the woman. Don't play with me, Mr. Clemens. You spend every second you can with her. And I have my suspicions not all of your concerns with her are medical. Has she said anything to you... anything about where she's from, what her mission is? What the hell she was doing in an E.E.V.? She told me she was part of a combat unit that came to grief. Beyond that, I assume it's all classified. I haven't pressed her for more. - That's all? - That's all. - You're sure? - Yes. - Nothing more? - No. Get out of here. Shut up, you fuckin' bitch! Shut up, you bitch! - Nobody's gonna hear you. - Goddamn it, let go of me! Damn you! No! Hold still! No! Goddamn it! You okay? Now, you son of a bitch! Take off. I gotta reeducate some of the others. We've gotta discuss some matters of the spirit. Cigarettes! Okay. Let's do it. This is like 10 city blocks. - How many? - This makes 176. Can't you chew a little quieter? I'm trying to figure out how big this compartment is. I can't think with all this goddamn noise you're making. - You're not supposed to swear. - I'm sorry. - Now, we've encircled this entire compartment once... What? What the shit is doing that? - You're swearing. - Shut up. It's all right to say shit. It ain't against God. What the hell is going on with the candles? Must be the wind from one of the vent shafts. Backwash from the closest circulating unit. If all the candles go out, how we gonna know where we are? Somebody will just have to go back and relight them. I guess I'm nominated. Watch your step, other. Okay, who are the comedians? - Quick, grab it. Here. - Help me! Help me! Go! Fuckin' go! Go, go, go! Quick! Run! Gimme that! Get this fucking thing off me! Oh, fuck! Let me go! No! Ripley. Hi, Bishop. How are you feeling? My legs hurt. Hey, listen, I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm just a glorified toaster. How are you? I like your new haircut. Bishop, can you access data on the flight recorder? No problem. Golic? - I am home. - What happened on the Sulaco? Why were our cryo-tubes ejected? Stasis interrupted. Fire in cryogenic compartment. - Repeat. Fire in cryogenic... - What happened? What started the fire, Bishop? Can you hear me? The fire was electrical. It was in the subflooring. Did the sensors pick up anything moving around on the ship prior to separation? It's very dark here, Ripley. I'm not what I used to be. Just tell me. Does the recorder indicate anything? Was there an alien on board? Yes. Is it on the Sulaco or did it come with us on the E.E.V.? It was with us all the way. Does the company know? The company knows everything that happened on the ship. It all goes into the computer and gets sent back to Network. And they want it. I hurt. Do me a favor. Disconnect me. I could be reworked, but I'll never be top of the line again. I'd rather be nothing. You're sure? Do it for me, Ripley. It wasn't me! I didn't do it! It wasn't... It was the dragon. Feeds on minds. It was... - Nobody can stop it. - What about Boggs and Rains? But they got slaughtered like pigs. It wasn't me! - It wasn't me! - Stark raving mad. I'm not saying it was anyone's fault, but he should have been chained up. You called it, sir. Mad as a fucking hatter. Keep him separated from the rest. I don't want him causing a panic. - Clemens, sedate this poor idiot. - Yes. Not until we know about the others. No, now, pull yourself together. Talk to me now. - Now, where are Boggs and Rains? - It wasn't me! Hopeless. You're not gonna get anything out of him. - It wasn't me. - We'll have to send out a search team. I'm afraid we'll have to assume there's a very good chance... this simple bastard has murdered them. Now, you don't know that. He's never lied to me. He's crazy, he's a fool, but he's not a liar. He's telling the truth. I'd like to talk to him about this... this dragon. - It was a dragon. - You're not talking to anyone, Lieutenant. I'm not interested in your opinion... because you are not in full possession of the facts. This man is a convicted multiple murderer, known for particularly utal crimes. Isn't that right, Mr. Dillon? Yeah. That part's right. Then I'll talk to you. It's important. When I have finished with my official duties... I will be quite pleased to have a little chat, yes? Let me see if I have this correct, Lieutenant. It's an eight-foot creature of some kind, with acid for blood... and it arrived on your spaceship. It kills on sight and is generally unpleasant. And, of course, you expect me to accept all this on your word. No, I don't expect anything. - Quite a story, Mr. Aaron. - Right, sir. It's a beauty. - Never heard anything quite like it, sir. - Expect not. Tell me, Lieutenant, what would you suggest we do? Well, what kind of weapons have you got? This is a prison. It's not a good idea to allow prisoners access to firearms. What keeps them from killing you? Fear. There's no way to escape. With the arrival of the next supply ship, the company will eliminate them. This is a maximum security prison... and you have no weapons of any kind? We have some carving knives in the abattoir. A few more in the mess hall. Some fire axes scattered about the place. Nothing terribly formidable. That's all? We're on the honor system. - Then we're fucked. - No, you're fucked. Confined to the infirmary. Quarantined. Mr. Aaron will escort you. I think you'll be safe from any large, nasty beast while you're there, right? Yes, that's a good girl. Let's all report to the mess hall. Superintendent Andrews wants a meeting. Mess hall, right away, people. Isn't there any way off of this place? Some way to escape? No. Supply ship comes every six months. And that's it? Fuck. They are sending somebody to pick you up quite soon, I gather. Really. What's soon? I don't know. Nobody's ever been in a hurry to get here before. Do you want to tell me what you and Andrews talked about? No. You'll just say I'm crazy. That's a bit uncharitable. How are you feeling? Not so hot. Sore throat. Sick to my stomach. Pissed off. Well, that's understandable given the circumstances. Perhaps I should give you one of my special cocktails. I don't know why everybody blames everybody for everything. Nobody's perfect, only human. I don't know a perfect human. There's no such thing as a perfect human. In an insane world... a sane man... must... appear... insane. That's very profound, Golic. Thank you. You married? - Me? - You should get married, have kids. Pretty girl. I used to know lots of them back home. They used to like me. For a while. You're gonna die too. - Are you? - What? Married. Why? - Just curious. - No. - How about leveling with me? - Could you be more specific? When I asked how you got assigned here, you avoided the question. And then when I asked about the prison I.D. tattooed on the back of your head... you ducked me again. It's a long, sad story... and more than a little melodramatic. Try me. If you insist. After my student years... despite the fact that I had become... secretly addicted to morphine... I was considered to be most promising... a man with a future. And during my first residency, I did a 36-hour stretch on an E.R. So, I went out and I got more than a little drunk. Then I got called back. Boiler had blown on a fuel plant... and there were 30 casualties. And 11 of them died. Not as a result of the accident... but because I prescribed the wrong dosage of painkiller. I got seven years in prison and my license reduced to a 3-C. At least I got off the morphine. I'm sorry. I think I was let off lightly. Did you serve your time here? I got to know this motley crew quite well. So when they stayed, I stayed. Nobody else would employ me. So, do you still trust me with a needle? Magnificent. Give us strength, O Lord, to endure. We recognize we are poor sinners in the hands of an angry God. Let the circle be un oken until the day. Amen. - Amen. - What the fuck is happening here? What the fuck is this bullshit that's comin' down? We got murder. We got rape. We got others in trouble. I don't want no more bullshit around here! Now, we got problems, we stand together. Yes. Thank you, Mr. Dillon. All right. Once again, this is rumor control. Here are the facts. At 0800 hours, prisoner Murphy... through carelessness on his part... was found dead in vent shaft 17. He seems to have been sucked into a ventilator fan. At about 2100 hours... prisoner Golic reappeared in a deranged state. Prisoners Boggs and Rains are missing. There seems to be a good chance that they have met with foul play... at the hands of prisoner Golic. We need to organize and send out a search party. Volunteers will be appreciated. I think it's fair to say that our smoothly running facility... has suddenly developed a few problems. I can only hope we are able to all pull together over the next few days... until the rescue team arrives for Lieutenant Ripley. It's here! It got Clemens! - Stop this raving at once! Stop it! - I'm telling you it's here! Aaron, get that foolish woman back to the infirmary! Move it! Out of my way! Fuck! We give you thanks, O Lord. Your wrath has come, and the time is near for us to bejudged. The apocalypse is upon us. Let us be ready. Let your mercy be just. - That thing was massive. - Amen. - Amen! - I saw it. - Yeah, I know. What the fuck do we do now? Who's in fucking charge? Organize. We got to organize, right? Right. Well, I guess I'm next in line. - 85's gonna be in charge. Jesus, give us a eak! - Don't call me that. Okay, look. There's no way I can replace Andrews. He was a good man. I know you guys didn't appreciate him. Aaron, we don't want to hear that shit now. Hey, sister, what about you? You're an officer. How about showing us a little leadership? Forget fucking Shirley Temple. You take charge. - Right. - You run things here anyway. No fuckin' way. I'm not the officer type. I just take care of my own. Well, what does this fucking beast want? Is this mother gonna try for us all? - Yeah. - Well, ain't that sweet? So how are we gonna stop it? - We have no weapons. Is that correct? - Right. I haven't seen one exactly like this before. Moves differently. But the others were afraid of fire... Not much else. - Can we seal off this area? - No chance. The installation's 10 miles square. - There's 600 air ducts running to the surface. - What about video? I see these closed-circuit monitors everywhere. We could try to find it that way. The video system hasn't worked in years. Nothing much works here. We've got a lot of technology, no way to fix it. - What 85 is trying to tell you is... - Don't call me that! we ain't got no entertainment center, no climate control... no video system, no surveillance... no freezers, no fucking ice cream... no rubbers, no women, no guns. All we got here is shit! Oh, what the hell are we even talking to her for? She's the one that ought the fucker. Why don't we just get her head and shove it through the fucking wall? Sounds good to me. Morse. Why don't you shut the fuck up? Right. Right. What are we going to do? What's this? That leads from the mess hall to the infirmary. It's a ventilation shaft. Then we go in there, flush it out. Hey, look, there's miles and miles of tunnel through there. It won't go far. It'll nest in this area. Right around... - here. - How do you know that? It's like a lion. It sticks close to the ze as. Ze as? Oh, right. But, look. Running around down here in the dark... are you kidding? Once you get out of this main shaft, there's no overheads. - Don't we have flashlights? - We've got thousands of 'em, but no batteries. - I told you, nothing works. - Torches? Do we have the capacity to make fire? Most humans have enjoyed that privilege since the Stone Age. No need to be sarcastic. Never been used. They were gonna dump a lot of nuclear crap in there. Never got around to it. It's clean as a whistle inside. This the only way in or out? That's right. Walls are six feet thick, solid steel. Really knew how to build these babies. You're saying we get something in there... there's no way it can get out? That's right. No fucking way. This is where we keep it. I forget what the stuff's called. - Quinitricetyline. - I knew that. Right. I've got to get these section arrangements organized with Dillon... for the paint ush... - So... - David. - Yeah. You can get these drums organized. - Right, 85. And don't call me that. What's this 85 thing? A couple of us sneaked a look at his personnel file the day he arrived. It's his I.Q. I saw a drum of this stuff... fall into a beachhead bunker once. The blast put a tug in dry dock for 17 weeks. Great stuff! All right. Let me get this straight. You want to burn it down and out of the pipes... force it in here, slam the door... - and trap its ass? - Right. And you want help from us y-chromo boys? You got something better to do? Why should we put our ass on the line for you? Your ass is already on the line. The only question is... what are you gonna do about it? Look at this. There's only one of these fucking batteries in 2000 that works. - Hey, it could have been a lot worse. - Yeah. We might have got the paint ush detail.

Help me! Wait for the fucking signal! Get down! Come on, come on! We gotta find the sprinklers! Come on! We gotta help these guys! Come on! Move! Move! Get to the waste dump. Don't open the doors! No! No! It's all right. It's all right. You're gonna be all right. We got you. Fire's out. Junior! Junior! Get down and cut him off. We gotta get him out of here. Come on. We're walking you out. Junior! Behind you! Come on! Come on! Come and get me, fucker! Even for those who have fallen... this is a time of rejoicing. We salute their courage. They will live forever. Those that are dead, are not dead. They have moved up. They have moved to a higher place. Crazy bastards. Andrews used to call them Dillon's God squad. Keeps 'em out of mischief. - You're not the religious type. - Me? Shit, no. I've got a job. Look... I figure the rescue team gets here in four or five days... six, tops. Open the door, go in there with smart guns and kill it. - What have you heard from them? - Nothing much. We got a message received. And later, we got something that said you were top priority. They don't cut us in on much. We're the ass end of the totem pole out here. What if they don't want to kill it? - Take it back? - Yeah. They're not lunatics, you know? Gotta kill it. Right? Morse, please, cut me loose. - No fucking way. - Come on, man. It hurts. Oh, sorry. Come on. I haven't done nothing. - Just don't talk to me. - Please, what did I do? Please. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna sit here and guard your ass like I'm supposed to. I don't need any fucking trouble with Dillon. All I did was tell 'em about the dragon. What it did to Boggs and Rains. I didn't lie. You saw it. Fuckin' A I saw it. Oh, please. If it gets in here, I'm dead. I can't run. Look, it's not going to get in here. We've got it trapped. So what's the big deal? Come on. Let me loose, man. Don't I always give you cigarettes first? - Yeah. - Aren't I your friend? I love you, Morse. Why not? But behave yourself. No fucking around... or I'll get nothing but shit. - So where they got it? - In a waste tank. We got that sucker nailed. I mean, tight. - I gotta see it again. - What the fuck you talking about? No more cigarettes for you. Well, we got the first part. Now what do we say? - Tell them we trapped it. - Right. - What do we call it? - A xenomorph. Right. Spell it. Here. Hey, wait a minute. We can't kill it. We don't have any weapons, right? Right. See? That's all they ever tell us. Treat us like shit. - Off and on me now? - What the hell you talking about? Talk to me, the beast. You can't go in there, Dickens. The big motherfucker will eat you alive. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Tell me what to do next. So, you're telling me they're coming to take this thing away? Yeah, they're gonna try. They don't wanna kill it. We gotta figure out a way to do it before they come here. Why do we have to kill it? You just said the company's coming for it. That's right. They wanna take it back. - Some sort of weapon. - Yeah, what's wrong with that? They can't control it. They don't understand. It'll kill them all. Like I said, what's wrong with that? Nothing's wrong with that... except a lot of innocent people will die. I thought you were a religious man. You don't understand, do you? That world out there doesn't exist for us anymore. We've got our own little world out here. It ain't much, but it's ours. So fuck everybody else. No. Fuck them. - Hey, Dillon? - Yeah? Dillon, we got a teeny-weeny problem. Fucking great! Miserable, crazy son of a bitch let him loose. Got what he fucking deserved. Well, now what are we gonna do? Andrews was right. We should have kept the shithead chained up. You okay? Piss on her. The fucking thing's loose out there what are we gonna do? I just said that. And you're the dumb prick that let Golic out. You miserable little shit! Come on. Cut that shit out. Tell your fucking bozo to shape up! What do you think? I think I have to get to the E.E.V. - Why? What's up? - I just have to use the neuroscanner. - You don't look so good. - Who gives a shit? What are we going to do? Want a smack in the mouth, you stupid wanker? Shut the fuck up and stop causing panic! Panic... you're so fucking stupid, you couldn't spell it. - Don't talk to me about panic. We ought to fucking panic! - Shut up, both of you! Shut up! - Well, I'm out of ideas! - Oh, surprise me. - What about outside? - Great idea. The sun don't come up for another two days. It's 40 below zero. The rescue team's 10 hours away. So that makes a lot of sense! Wonderful. You just want us to stay here and let this thing have us for lunch! I want you to get everybody that's still left together. Get 'em into the assembly hall. Okay. Where'd she go? Need any help? I didn't mean to scare you. You shouldn't be wandering around alone. Do me a favor and run this keyboard, will you? Okay. - What do I do? - Hit B or C. What's C? - Display biofunctions. - That's it. Okay, we're hot. Now what? Let it run a cycle. It's real fuzzy. Hit enhancement. Keep looking. I don't know how to read this stuff. Hemorrhaging will show as a dark patch. Look for... hairline fractures through the base of the skull. Little white lines. What is it? I think you've got one inside of you. That's not possible. What does it look like? - Horrible. - I have to see it. - Freeze it. - You don't want to look at it. Freeze it! I'm sorry. All right. The fucking thing is loose. It's out there. The rescue team is on its way with guns and shit. Right now there isn't any place that's real safe. But we stay here, in the assembly hall. This place never had any fucking air conditioning. If it comes in, it's gotta be through one of these doors. Now we post a guard to let us know if it's coming. In the meantime, you lay low, be ready and stay right... in case your time comes. Don't you start bullshitting, Dillon. We're gonna be trapped in here like rats. You got a weapon? You got a blade? Then you take it out and fucking use it! Oh, right. So you think we're gonna stab this motherfucker to death? No, I don't think shit! Maybe. Maybe you'll hurt it before it takes you out? Isn't that something? Any of you got any better ideas? And I'll tell you, until the rescue team gets here, we're fucked! So you better get prepared. Well, I ain't staying here. Well, then, suit yourself. Fire. Furnace. Yeah. Let's make it to the furnace. Holy shit. Well, all right. Fuckin' A. - Fuckin' A. - Fuckin' right it's right. It's up. What do you want to say? Tell them the whole place has gone toxic. Are you kidding? Then they won't come here. The rescue team will turn back. - Yeah. I know. - What are you talking about? Our only hope is that they kill this fucker. And maybe they can do something for you. I don't know, freeze you... They can do an operation. They've got the technology. If this organism gets off the planet, it'll kill everything. The company doesn't care about that. They just want it for their bioweapons division, okay? So we can't let them come here. Fuck you. Look, I'm sorry you've got this thing inside you, but I'm getting rescued. I don't give a shit about these stupid prisoners, but I've got a wife, a kid. - I'll go home on the next rotation! - I know. This is hard. I'm gonna send this message back, and I need that fucking code. I'm sorry, babe. It's classified. Listen, you stupid little shit! This has got to be done, okay? - There are no alternatives! - No way! You're not getting it! No fucking way! Look, it's nothing personal. Understand? I think you're okay. Thanks. Have you got any ideas? It won't kill me. I'm carrying the new queen. It won't kill its future. - Do you wanna bet this thing's that smart? - I don't know. Maybe I'll go find it. See how smart it is. - You're gonna go and look for it? - Yeah. I have a pretty good idea of where it is. It's just down there... in the basement. This whole place is a basement. It's a metaphor. Wanna come? Fuck me. Where are you when I need you? Don't be afraid. I'm part of the family. You've been in my life so long... I can't remember anything else. Now do something for me. It's easy. Just... Just do what you do. It won't kill me. - What are you doing? You're supposed to be laying low. - I have one inside of me. The big one won't kill its own. - What are you talking about? - I saw it... an hour ago. I stood right next to it. I could've been lunch, but it wouldn't touch me. It ran away. It knows I'm carrying its future. Bullshit. How do you know that thing's inside you? I saw it... on the CAT scan. It's a queen... an egg layer. It can make thousands more like the one we've got here. Still sounds like bullshit to me. If that thing's inside you, how'd it get there? When I was in hypersleep, I guess. I was violated. Now I get to be the mother. I don't have much time... and I can't do what I should. I need you to help me. I need you to kill me. - What the fuck are you talking about? - I'm dead anyway. I can't survive it. But the one inside of me can generate thousands more. It can wipe out the whole universe. It has to die. So somebody's gotta kill me. Are you up to it? You don't have to worry about that. No speeches. No prayers. - What's going on? - I don't like losing a fight. Not to nobody, not to nothing. That damn thing out there has already killed half my men... got the other half scared shitless. As long as it's alive, sister, you're not gonna save any universe. You said you were gonna kill me. You fucking coward! I want to get this thing, and I need you to do it. And if it won't kill you, then maybe that helps us fight it. Otherwise, fuck you! Go kill yourself. Dillon. We waste this thing... - then you take care of me. - No problem. Quick, easy and painless. This is the choice. You die sitting here on your ass... or you die out there. At least we take a shot. We owe it one. It's fucked us up. Maybe we can get even for the others. - So how do you want it? - What the fuck are you talking about? I'm talkin' about killing that big motherfucker! Hold it, hold it. The rescue team's on its way. We could just sit this out. - A rescue team for whom? - For us. They just want the beast. You know that. I don't give a damn what they want. They're not gonna pick us off one by one, are they? - I wouldn't be so sure. - Come on. They're gonna take us home. They're not gonna take us home. Still doesn't mean we should go out and fight it. - Jesus Christ! Give us a eak! - You guys have got to be fucking nuts! - Jesus Christ! Give us a eak! - You guys have got to be fucking nuts! - I've got a wife and kid. - Nobody gives a shit about you, 85. You're not one of us. You're not a believer. - You're a fucking company man! - Yeah, okay. Okay, I'm a company man and not a fucking criminal. You keep telling me how dumb I am. I'm smart enough not to have a life sentence on this rock! - Fuck you! - Piss off, 85! And I'm smart enough to wait for some firepower to show up... before we fight this thing! - Right, Morse? - Right. Okay. Just sit here on your asses. Fine. How about if I sit here on my ass? No problem. Oh, I forgot. You're the guy that's made a deal with God... to live forever. And all the rest of you pussies can sit it out too. Me and her'll do all the fighting. Okay. But I want the same thing as you. I want to see it dead. I hate the fucker! They killed my mates too! Why the fuck can't we wait for the company and have some guns on our side? - Why do we have to go on some fucking suicide run? - Right. Because they won't kill it. They might kill you just for having seen it. But they're not gonna kill it. That is crazy! That is horseshit! They will not kill us! When they first heard about this thing... it was crew expendable. The next time they sent in marines. They were expendable too. What makes you think they're gonna care about a bunch of lifers... who found God at the ass end of space? You really think they're going to let you... interfere with their plans for this thing? They think we're... we're crud. And they don't give a fuck about one friend of yours... that's... that's died. Not one. Have you got some sort of plan? This is a lead works, isn't it? All we got to do is lure the fucking beast into the mold... drown it in hot lead. All right. So how do we do that? Yeah. What are we gonna use for bait? - Oh, fuck! - We're all gonna die. The only question is when. This is as good a place as any... to take our first steps to heaven. The only question is how you check out. Do you want it on your feet... or on your fucking knees, begging? I ain't much for begging. Nobody ever gave me nothin'. So I say fuck that thing! Let's fight it! Fuck it! Let's go for it! - Let's kick its fucking ass. - What if it runs at us? That's a fucking good idea. Two, one. Open. When was the last time you used this place? We fired it up five, six years ago. You sure the piston's gonna work? There's nothing for sure in this place. We trap it here first, then you pull the lever. Start the piston. The piston's gonna push the motherfucker right into the mold. Then one of the guys will pour the lead. End of his ass. End of story. - What if somebody screws it up? - We're fucked. You got one chance. One shot at it. That's all. We'll never have time to reset it. Now remember, when you pull the lever... for a few seconds you're gonna be trapped in here with that fuckin' thing. You guys don't drop the ball, I won't. You just better be right about that thing not wanting you. Because if it wants out, that's how it's gonna go. Through that alcove, through you. - Where are you gonna be? - I'll be around. - What about the others? Where are they? - Praying. - You believe in this heaven shit? - I don't know. Me neither. Fuck it, though. What else have we got to believe? You can say that for fucking sure. What the fuck. Fellas! I can't he... I don't know about this shit. Hey, guys! My door ain't working! - What the fuck's he saying? - I think we'd better rethink this thing! Did anybody hear anything? Come on! Come and get me, you fucker! It's behind me! - It's started. - It's still behind me! It's in Channel B! It's still coming! Shut the doors! Must be heading over to Channel A! This thing is really pissed off! - Did you say B? - No, E! - But you said we should stay here! - Move your fucking ass! Morse. Kevin! I think I found Vincent. Hey, fuckface! Come and get me! Take your best shot! - Kevin, where are you? - A-7 closed. Over in the east wing. Door B-7 safe! - You too? - Yeah! Okay. Over to E, everybody! - Where the fuck is E? - This way! Troy. Troy? Troy, help them. Where the hell are they going? What about the plan? - Look, you're immune, they're not. - So what are we doing? Improvising. We're improvising. Here, here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty. Oh, my God. Oh, my... you bastard! It's coming! It's coming down! Geez, it's coming! It's onto us! Shut the fucking doors! That was the plan! Geez, it's on the fucking ceiling! Dillon! Anybody! This is not a drill! Kevin! Gregor! Where the fuck are you? Now I'm back in A! Shut. Come on. Door 3, F Channel closed! I hope. Fuck! - What the fuck are you doing? - What? - Don't hold it like that. Hold it like this. - What the fuck... You'll fucking kill someone, you fucking moron! Morse! Kevin! Gregor! All they have to do is run down the damn corridor. Stay here. Where the hell is it? It's coming. No! Don't start the piston! No! We have to trap it! No! What are you doing? It's gone! No! No. It's gone. Okay? Okay. What the heck? All right! Kevin! Don't struggle! Don't move! No! Don't struggle. Come on. Come on, Kevin. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on. - The doors. - It's coming! Take the piston! Come on. I got ya. It's all right. It's okay. I got ya. It's okay. It's all right, Kevin. Kevin. Kevin! Leave him. Leave him. He's dead. We lured him. Shit. How much time? I'm not sure. Four or five minutes. But we've got to get it back in here before the piston seals this place off. Now, let's move it! - Help me! - Jude! Dillon! Help me, Dillon! It's coming at me! Goddamn it! Don't look back, Jude! Run as fast as you fucking can! Help me! God! Please! Help! Jesus Christ! Thank God you're here. Warder Aaron, sir. 1-3-7-5-1-2. - Not many of us left, sir. - Where is Lieutenant Ripley? - Is she still alive? - If she's alive, she's in the furnace. She's in the lead works with the beast. Wouldn't wait. Jesus Christ. You fucker. Scared me shitless! I thought you were the fucking beast. You fuck! Wanker! Move. Come on, you bastard. Come on! Come on, get out of there! Come here! Ripley, we're running out of time! Ripley, where are you? No! Come on. Get out of there! What are you doing? What the fuck is wrong with you? - No! No! - Let it go! Ripley! - Yes! It's working! - Scream. - To the pistons! No! Scream! Let it follow us. - Come on! - We got to get it in front of the piston. Get back here. It's following us! Come on! Motherfucker, come on! Come and get us! Come on! - Open the door! - Come on. Come on. Come on, motherfucker! Come on. Come on! Get the door! - Get the door! - Morse! - Now! - Shut it! Shut it, Morse! Morse, shut that door! - Now! - Shut the fucking door! Shut it now! I'm going for the lead! - Now! I'm staying. - What about you? Bullshit! There's gonna be 10 tons of hot lead in there! - I'm telling you, I want to die! - We got a deal! Remember? It dies first, then you! I'm not gonna move without you! Now get going! - Dillon! - I've got to hold it here. - What about me? - God will take care of you now, sister! No! Pour the lead. Fuck you. Pour it, Ripley! Go on! Goddamn it! Pour the lead, Ripley! Pour it now! Come on! Come on! That's all you've got? Is that all that you bite, motherfucker! Come on! Morse! Morse, over here! - Ripley! - Pour the lead! Pour the lead! Pour it! All right, bug! Ripley! It's scalding hot! Hit the sprinklers! Douse the fucker! Gotcha! Yes! - Don't come any closer. - Wait. They're here to help. Stay where you are. - Ripley. - Bishop. - I'm here to help you. - No more bullshit. I just felt it move. - You know who I am? - You're a droid. Same model as Bishop. Sent by the fucking company. No. I'm not the Bishop android. I designed it. I'm very human. The company sent me here to show you a friendly face... to demonstrate how important you are to us... - To me. - You just want to take it back. - We want to kill it and take you home. - Bullshit. You're wrong. We want to help. What does that mean? - We're gonna take that out of you. - And keep it. Can't allow it to live. Everything we know would be in jeopardy. You don't want to take it back? Ripley, time is important. Let us deal with the mutant. We've got a surgical bay set up on the rescue ship. - Come with me. - It's very quick. Painless. A couple of incisions, you'll be out for two hours. Then it's over. You still can have a life. Children. Children. And most important, you'll know it's dead. Let me help you. What guarantee do I have... once you've taken it out, you'll destroy it? You'll have to trust me. Please? Trust me? No. What's this going to achieve? - Stop! - Oh, Jesus! Morse. - Will you help me? - What do you want me to do? It was a mistake! There was no need for any of it! Fucking android! I'm not a droid! Ripley, think of all we could learn from it. It's the chance of a lifetime! You must let me have it! It's a magnificent specimen! No pictures! What are you doing? No! - Come on, you. Get going. - Oh, fuck you! Ash, Captain Dallas are dead. Cargo and ship destroyed. I should reach the frontier in about six weeks. With a little luck, the network will pick me up. This is Ripley... last survivor of the Nostromo... signing off.

If our gods and our hopes are nothing but scientific phenomens, then it must be said that our love is scientific as well - L'Eve Future Observer 202 Arrival on the accident site Now start the live oadcasting what's the situation? Before 52 minutes, In that apartment as first site, The victim was murdered, Killer ran away and in the second site, 2 police officers got killed all entrance blocked, siege will be started after 2 minutes Damned fellows of 9th Section There will be more casualty in such a situation Telecom got in, Do we need information support? First Police, here comes Telecom agents We must be very careful Help me Help me About Robot Murder There has been 8 murders during this week All victims have reset their robots All of them are Mode 2050 from Rox Corporation This mode is a test version just for envaluation The customers can get one for free after they signed a contract with Rox Now all the machines were recalled According to the offered report There is nothing wrong within these machine just such kind of explanation New mode robots attacked their master for unexplained reason The producer recalled these machines in panic And they have to face the charge from victim's family Some mistakes by producer could result in many lawsuits and huge compensation So that is why the 9th Section was authorized to handle this problem Do you understand? It's your problem to understand or not Now there are 2 reasons for 9th Section's intervention First, None of victim's family has taken any action All accidents alike have been imparled between both sides Two of victims are politicians And one retired police officer Considering such a possiblity the 9th Section will face a challenge It's our duty to investigate this case Let't start from the victims First you must check the machines with problem Don't ask anything, just go I want to tell you, I am not a volunteer There are so much that I should learn from you, Major I don't think so We lost all traces This person only has his ain for nature part It's doubted that this man exists as a human His arm, leg and computer totally are spares parts from the government The classified information in the computer, and all alike this, Belonged to the government They are eager to reclaim the memory so his life was not belonged to himself Where shall we start? Rox Corporation is located to the north We'd better start our investigation there It's you! About the robot destroyed by that madam yesterday Two of our young men got killed too You should not forget this We come here right for this Identify Room is located on the right side of 19th floor corridor Need me to show you the way? No, thanks. I come here not for amusement Destruction pursues the great especially at the easiest moment It is a hard time for you Be arranged to one trouble team but it seems you don't hate this position It's terrible for me to remember my previous appearance This is not your mirror's fault The mirror only makes you confused We can be reference with one another It is useless for coming frequently I am ordered to reject cooperation I will arrest you if you keep uncooperative I am from 9th Section Who's the horrible man you are talking with? the guy who blasted the robot all with.50 cali e gun So the damaged robot could be easy to recover There are 2 policemen in 3 victims They tried to committ suicide before murder all right? What's about suicide? Halloway Miss Halloway, What's about suicide? If the machine failed Is it possible for them to attack people? This situation has been considered by Three Laws of Robot So they should be harmless to people It is called Self-Existence The right description should be self-destruction, shouldn't it? Thinking made human being different from machine Is the self-destruction a special function for this mode? That's not completely right Those years, more gadgets concerning robot appeared in haste we got too many human-shaped robots Why? Virus, Microbe Pollution Man-made mistakes during production Problems due to ages So many reasons, but but what? The main reason is that people discarded robots They got tired of old robots Kept buying newer mode Then the discarding problem comes However Robots do not want to be discarded Is that true? Human is different from robot but that's not simple as black and white human is too selfish Industry robots are mostly different from human But domestic robots are deeply affected with utilitarianism and pragmatism Why they are human-shaped? based on the idealest human body Why human make such a decision? Make a robot as same as himself Have you got kids? one daughter Kids always violated adult regulation That means they have egos acting with consciousness from themselves When an human was in the childhood What's his role in exploration? with a human body, or human-shaped? Although all girls love dolls, those dolls are not for practicing Girls are not practicing baby-sitting They just try to find common places between doll games and baby-sitting What are you talking about? baby-sitting a kid implied making a human, by a human That's an old dream That's the shortest way to realize this dream I do not agree to this idea Kids are not dolls! human and machine, difference between life-form and nonlife-form A doll as same as my daughter who died when she was 5 years old I named her France, and loved her so deeply Some people told me the same thing Shall we change to some realistic topic? About the Mode 2050 Robot from ROX corporation I would like to know more about it That's all right Hig quality products Although these are test version They are special mode Special mode? Yeah, with some unnecessary parts What kind of parts? Sexual function just for immoral interest Is this illegal? All right, so their family don't charge When the robot is reset, their data bank will erase all information The producer did this just to protect their technology, just a common measure But But what? But the voice data will be kept, you want to hear? Help me Help me, Help me Help me, Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help Thanks for your help Hi... May I ask a question? I neither gave any birth nor baby-sitted any kid That means, I never registered my ovum Thank you, Miss Don't call me Miss She didn't look like a technical grandma who can only write her emotion in report sheet I often writed report sheets too Don't you think our investigation are too slow? Anyway, you must protect that computer for 9th Section The relationship with the grandma was over Who's your ideal woman? Actually, I like women older than me and? There are so many in the street Keeper.. 09 calling 907 Accident 602 in 201 area the victim is a Keepr of ROX the team will be there within 2 minutes 907 roger the spring always pass quickly Just you? Koka and Lukuou will be back after sandwich snack leisure guys That's the situation 22 minutes ago How did you teach these freshman? There is nothing more important than teaching Read the situation now This is the victim's image Jack Walkson, Keeper Director of ROX Corporation 54 years old He lost contact with other people after asking leave before 5 days This robot's contract was ended 3 days ago Weapons used by cirminal are kitchen knives We checked neighbour parking record Try to verify with underground force Seven cards are found in victim's jacketing Now we are looking for their source What? .38 cali e pistol It seems no one has used the gun recently Was this a meaningless waste? Maybe some smart guy faked it 969 calling 906 We will arrive in 20 seconds Don't play joke on me The rest work depends on you 907 calling 09 We leave site to 969 09 Roger Today is my daughter's birthday But I have bought nothing Let me drive you back You made a mistake, Ishikawa Me too Daughter's birthday should be most important You looked like happy It's the first time you don't talk nonsense Because the body was incomplete, so I come OK, help yourself, we are leaving Why give the case to local police? Because that guy get involved We found it, in the refrigerator Heart, liver, kidney and pancreas This asshole After half a year, fresh dog food has been dry You call this food? You were his partner, weren't you? I would rather go with a recruit than him There are only complaints with him You are a partner less tough than Major What Ishikawa, you talked too much recently See you Batou What's up? Maybe dry dog food was not that bad Considering nutrition balance, that would be a good choice impact on the neckbone caused rupture and death Kitchen knives did not cause death, they are used for disassembling the body So the killer disassembled the body after murder That seems to be the truth The stuff we found in the refrigerator are victim's bowels He suffered from gastritis, and hepatocirrhosis due to long time drunk Why did the killer disassemble victim's body in suck a detailed method? The killer may be a psycho Or that hinted a strong desire for revenge then the killer was not a professional And that twisted door handle? Analysis report tells that is created by a NR26 artifical arm, made in China crab pincers shape Is that for military purpose? It should be inferior mode from black market And all the pictures were confirmed What about the car? That's a multi-illegal modified car Give me the conclusion According to the neighbour parking record, that car belongs to a violent orgnization, Human Society which was bullet-proofed This car appeared several times in previous cases What a Human Society! Illegally produced What's their motive? What the hell does Human Society want? This was a old Japanese violent organization Drug, prostitute, gameling They do every illegal business 3 days ago, captain tried to arrest their boss Now he is in charge of this case How could they make such a decision! In organization, only the revenger of predecessor's death could be recognized as successor Another question Could the victim foresee his death? What's the reason for him to lurk in Human Society? All computer data are erased This is also your investigation object Does the killer use robot to mislead our investigation? At this time, all victims have no relationship with each other, or political-concerned and we almost got nothing useful Adding this case, you first investigate these victims Other people return to previous position, dismiss Dukusa Come to my office before you leave What's the situation? Anyway, we must find the relationship between Human Society and Rox Corporation About Batou It is very important to undertake psychological interactive verification But I am not a computer psychologist You don't need to change into one thing if you are trying to comprehend it You have family? now did you feel happy? Yeah.. that is it Most people feel themselves between happy and unhappy It is so touching they never give up the eager for survival What do you mean? When I saw that guy, I remembered Major before her missing Solitary makes evil Need few things Just like the elephant in forest Director, why did you choose me? You are recommended by local department What does this mean? You don't need to change into one thing if you are trying to comprehend it That is right You can not live with the rule of great man Shall we start a war? You don't need to change into a rascal if you are going to rascal's place Weapon is necessary We should prepare before going out what? Listen to my words Do you hate rascal? very much Me too I can only tell you this I told you, we are going to rascal's place we don't need to change into rascal but weapon is necessary I have a family A bachelor could be better We go together We are partners, so you'd better tell me your plan Listen to me, Do not fire gun unless you have to ok? I got it Let's go, partner What, is that you? Bring him here Don't shoot I said unless you have to go, go come on Image? Did he planed to disturb our eyesight? I hate these computers What's the matter? How can we launch attack in this dark and narrow staircase? rush fast, I go first I go first, you are too huge Eh? This bomb is a gift for you In such a wide riot you can not kill only 2 people with bullet-proofed vest Are you woman? This is not only for the death of Keeper Director Tell me everything about ROX Corporation, as much as you know Come on, crab shit, you are not qualified as my opponet That's just a easy job, idiot Tell me where is the Keeper Director Or I will hit you with my hand I haven't been there for 3 years I even don't know what my ancestor did in that corporaion Partner, are you still alive? My wife and my daughter's face became clear in my ain but this guy is neither your wife nor your daughter He is the Death I told you to investigate But you made this illegally I don't want you pick fighting with these rascals This city is not a jungle And you are not people-killing special agents Are you still angry? NO It is unexpected you saved my life After being your partner, I would die hundred times A investigation team of 2 man Nobody cares what we did I must find the guilty proof of ROX Corporation So you did that? If he is really angry, we should have been fired Now that should be enough I have to excuse myself Trampled by Quillson You should reset the right arm by yourself increse defense and the shooting integrity system It is possiblly caused by malfunction In this situation, you must reset to default position Where's my previous arm? Don't say nonsense This arm is made with organic material, specially tuned with your DNA Overload usage may cause initialization Get out! wait Why you hold my dog? I went to your home can not find the host but a hungry dog That makes me feel pity You are so kind to dog I took it to my home My daughter was happy, but my wife got angry, because it polluted the carpet When did you put me under surveillance? All right, that's not your problem It is not comfortable to be watched But how can you neglect? If you hate, do not hate the old man Is it recreated? Original eed should be stronger This eed is created by test-tube It comes from most ancient eed Is this come from computer, are you really? what a persistent life So I said the dry dog food is better Its favorite Only on sale in that store It looked so happy, bouncing a lot You shot 5 bullets in that dangerous store He is not regarded as dementia This man was a good hunter Besides the Major Shall I tell the reason to miss my head? They don't want to kill you, just challenge You picked fighting in the place of Human Society Over 10 people dead or wounded The store was shot in the same day Are you crazy, or computer oke down? Wait, Did you feel to be attacked? This matter was not an independent accident From this, we can understand The significance of 9th Section What he said is right Old man ordered us to continue investigation But we do not need evidence hereafter and without any official support It seems that we have to go directly to ROX Corporation Quick victory keeps no secretry Go to the north as soon as possible The north? 2 people are not enough And... What about this dog? This matter I will take care of it But you still have time for dog feeding Come on, mind your own business The biggest information city in the easternmost area A special economic zone of prosperity Just this colony Nationalism evanesced in vagueness Now this place has been paradise for enterprise criminals Even Union Nations Cyber Police, and Telecom Agents from ASEAN can not reach their hands here I remembered those words, Act as an individual Represent with the same inheritance gene They looked like nest of the spider Just like the actinozoan changed into the coral reef Beautiful the essence of life lies in the continuance of gene What about social culture and expanded memory system The city looked like huge exterior memory sets There should be many people with this idea Adding me, the number could be more than sand It is said in Chapter 139, Psalter of the Old Testament I will check it It seems you are inclined to exterior memory set I don't want to hear this again Now you are over ROX Corporation After a long trip, it is time for visit flight is over, we are in landing process They will fly as leaves in fall Gnarring to the chaos Now it is your turn, but we are not Satan Batou You are great man now, my postion has been yours I will never forget your benefaction Never forget? Forgive me, Mister Batou It is not appropriate to call me Mister Please forgive me, Please You are the benefactor of all my life Do you know that asshole, Kim? I don't know such a person Many people have this name The Kim I am looking for is unique We must keep promises in our business There are 2 kinds of promises One is keeping secret, The other is keeping truth Both of them are promises, Which one is yours? It is said that there is no honest without secret Let me ask again, Do you know that asshole, Kim? I don't know such a person People are just like puppets on the stage Begin from birth, End to death Puppet falls when the string oke up And then? They had been long-term contractor with the Army A man can not reach when he is on the top, or when he is under Just like a man lying on the roadside No matter whether they had been special force, or electronic disturbance specialist Secret arm sale, and other achievements The come-off will be same all roads are ended at the tomb A characteristic man It is impossible that a robot changed into a horse after a field trip This asshole can only demolish everything around him Let's go Batou, the toppest sanctum We are late He escaped the ain has been burned out due to attack and defense action That gives no help According to the will In my funeral, all artificial flower and birds should be rejected Hi Don't sleep like a dead man Confucius told us not to sleep like a dead man I have no time for your nonsense It has been a long time since last meeting Are you coming for official business? ROX Corporation They started Robot production not from the very beginning Advanced robots ought a rapid expansion to this corporation Politicians and senior officers got their shares They became alert as the government paid attention to this business Assembly lines were shut down Maybe they transfered assembly lines to that multi-flag ship And kept producing their robots Is it so depressed that you want to committ suicide? It will be a big trouble if this is true Eliminating human soul, Producing human-shaped puppet I can not imagine what they are thinking If there is a perfect man That is just a body without soul A body until final a asion This is why the Cyborg waste became more and more Human shape is always beautiful No, they should not appear in the shape of kid Because human being has incomplete perception It is impossible for them to understand the inconsistency of reality They have neither this consciousness Nor the unlimited tendency Only robot or God can make this true Shall we talk about official business? No.. There is only one creature who can be compared with robot and God Is it animal? Lavrock A creature with self-consciousness stronger than us Without any negative emotion Always full of happy unconsciousness To these birds depending on fruit It is harder even than becoming God Changing into dolls as the dead That is the reason You don't know the death before you know the life Confucius said something like this There are few people who understand the death Most people kept unconscious, they are used to such a stupid life People even don't know for what they will die Their lives faded away in waiting for death So Kim chose to change himself into a full cyberg And then? they had been special force, or electronic disturbance specialist Secret arm sale, and other achievements all will be ended at the tomb A characteristic man It is impossible that a robot changed into a horse after a field trip Let's go Batou! Compliment to people who shall die today These are like advertisement Hi It makes people uncomfortable I got it Look outside, these things looked like alive Are they really alive? Thinking on the other hand These lifeless things looked like alive Where did robot's pain come from? They are human from robots made by human being Very simple material made by human being The terror to reset it is just the essence of human being A shadow between existence and non-existence Stop that, let's talk about official business It is also a science to know the life We created this terror by ourselves In nature world, human is too young That is quite simple to reset the machine which are made by human being They are trying to make persistent active specimen From robot theory of 18 century Because the realization of computerization and cyberg Even the appearance of exterior memory sets The biological limitation of human being was oken Through excessive self-mechanization Human being has overcome Darwin's Natural Selection They overcame evolutionism by themselves Sublimation of consciousness Born from self-consciousness A dream to go beyond the nature Replacing the body with hardware That is the beginning of nightmare God is always located in geometry let's go Batou! What do you feel? Who am I? In a computer-like maze, you are confused by computer Luck comes with unluck for 3 times Don't look it before you want Don't listen anything Just wait for the end So we visited this place for 3 times The first omen should be the final end? There is no time for explanation When did you find out? We are fooled by the swindler who is waiting for our arrival You can be a eletronic specialist but I am a elite spy with my guardian watching for me You stupid, clumsy exterior memory sets Check your memory If that is really this robot wrote AEMAETH on the ground That means getting energy from truth but when the prefix AE was erased, we saw MEATH That means death, return all to the ground That's not real Our trap has been intruded What a hell! It is faked as real So I told you it is my guardian The game is over, Kim, show yourself This guy is just an ordinary robot Kim, you can not defeat me Batou, Is this a fake too? not real? Have you got enough confidence? My ghost Humen being is pursuing the dream of life Is it a dream or a ghost? All non-existence I am a man useless as same as you I wore shoes different from you I don't believe in ghost Are you suffering from schizophrenia? I have to destroy your remains Get ready to death Your physical function will be stopped eh... eh... Is it really a physical reset phenomenon? It is neither memory nor imagination It's what it should be You have to understand before you go further The time can not be saved, so it is hard Memory shared computerization along with exterior memory sets When you go home Are the wife and daughter real? Or I am just a lonely individual? Or am I just making the dream of a family? Is there any way to make sure? I knew, but for what? I have to know his purpose I come here for work That's an experience of virtual image When I get freaked in the food store Maybe it is caused by computerization just like what Ishikawa said Suck a realistic guy may not be here the same idea I expected this from the beginning They wanted to intrude us Kim, this man is smart We will lose if he escape What's your guardian angel? He is gone In the cyber world In huge network system, there is one area which integrated all domains You want to make sure your existence? You got a daughter When we are in the jungle Kim knew this I am sure for one thing what's it? I will be your partner Are you afraid? It's not like what you are thinking I want to go back alive, to my daughter But you can not leave your job undone Shall we continue? I will collect all data evidence for ROX Corporation's guilt If this accusation is successful All computer rules must be oke up Our investigation was illegal The matter caused serial murders We have to find evidence for criminal penalty But Kim cut off all clues No His computer is linked to ROX Corporation We must capture all of them and destroy People have always been talking good wills Now it is time for battle Violence comes after the failure of negotiation Hi, this explanation is different from our trip to rascal's place He is here I expect nothing from you Birds fly in the air fishes dive in the water Get contacted I knew Use this body to finish something It is deep here, very dangerous I had a friend who liked diving very much what? I don't know what you are thinking May I introduce Lin as your girl friend? No one goes back alive from that ship I don't know what you are thinking Just go ahead Hold fast Contact after 12 seconds The disturbance signal will feed back only in 2 seconds Understood This guy linked to Security Director's computer Synchronization Initialized Send back more information if you get in just follow me Of course, the older one started invasion, recording began You are not lovely guy Intruder! 2nd level security system reset Computer activity searching initialized in all facility Searching for virus in memory initialized Searching for delayed virus, and interactive surveillance Linking to Director impossible Reset as soon as possible System Reset finished 2nd level security system initialized Figuring intruder's waypoints Strenthening defense wall supplementing antibody Virus checking Anti-spy game started Searching for lurking virus in full-scale No. 014 wall oken No. 032 wall error, error code 280 Quarantining affected area initialized 1st level exterior defense wall rebuilt Identifying enemy's attack mode Virus transfer started Retreat! Your ain will be too dangerous to keep cool Wait, Let me try again Shit, they are using this damned method! Assembly Lines Unfinished Project Only accessable for authorized Confirmed as unidentified lurking virus Stop him with all anti-body Virus tracing unavailable All facility in resetting, Linking with system unavailable Battle arm loading system initialized Warning... abnormal body active in line THO7 all security armed Move to that line, repeat.. Soul Phenomenon happened Haven't see you for a time, Major What should I call you? This just is part of me, through satelitte There is not enough capacity in this computer I can only load battle system and arm defense system So I have to spare emotion and voice 50 meters away from here there should be an emergency terminal We can linkup there and capture all system Nothing changed Hurry up, I take care of this place Just like before Who give me a mirror the ghost will be visible in mirror It is not time for appreciation We don't have much ammo left real time mirror can tell Hi, are you ok? This ship will be ours, it is just a problem of time Linked to supply terminal system Stop arm function before full control We can only depend on Batou's.30 gun Ammo reserve, only 1 magazine It seems our oppoent will not surrender It started Abnormal linking activity in ship In ship? Tracing for linking point, defense action started too much signals from multiple terminals No computer activity increased at all terminal Checking for all exterior linking point All linking points cut off except base facility All exterior physical parts isolated from this ship Emergency defense system unaccessable Long distance initializtion failed Expansive Virus get in concourse Defense of system area failed System reset ready 1st level data quarantine started Many linking points found in the core system Interactive tracing failed All exterior linkings cut off this ship is under control Are we successful? Now this ship is not controlled by the north The nearest country sent force coming in This ship could be guilty evidence of ROX Do we still have time for investigation? Found Naval frigate they are informed Finally, Shall we go to see the true face of ROX Corporation Have you already known it? Batou, you want to go with us? No voice, eletronic wave screened out Ghost face They can produce many animal examples but that will destroy the ain This technology was prohibited the Human Society supply kids who will be neutralized here They will be ghost faces finally That is the secret Help me Help me You come to save me at last, Walkson told me he said, the police will come to save me I come here when I was 4 grade, Suvalla was 5 grade I can hear nothing, or say nothing the murdered Director modified robot program for this kid but he was killed soon Nobody will notice this without robot case Then who will save me? We did not expect sacrifice It seems not real How could it be if a robot has no soul I can not imagine But.. But.. I never want to be a robot When you cried for birds, you cried for yourself People with voice is happy If a robot has his own voice He may cried, I don't want to be human being Ask yourself Now do you feel happy? This scene put me in a reminiscent mood I don't have this feeling, at least not now Solitary rejects evil Need few things Just like the elephant in forest Don't forget, Batou When you get online I will be with you Bye That ship is out Your guardian angel? Need me to write report? I will pick you up 8:20am tomorrow I can not get back without a gift Do you want geting in with me? No interest for your family party Dad! Have you got any gift for me? I did not forget this

My poor baby. Who has stolen the child's dream? The mad genius Krank in his evil scheme. To what vicious depths will he not descend? Will the tale turn to tragedy... or have a happy end? Step up, ladies and gentlemen! Step right up! Come closer. Don't be afraid. See the strongest man in the world. Look at those chains, made of the same steel... as that used to lift... Yes, my friends... The true light is invisible. Penetrate the corridor of shadows... and you will enter the world of the chosen ones. Renounce the gift of sight. I know there are skeptics among you... afraid to share with us the dead of night. Be ave. Renounce your gift of sight. Pluck out your eyes. Come and join us. Help us build a better world. The crusher Bones is going to try once more to shatter steel... only using the power of his mighty arms. Please, ladies and gentlemen, I want absolute silence... during the demonstration. I must beg of you, for your own safety... not to look him in the eye... because his power of concentration is so great... that he might provoke a cere al hemorrhage... in the weaker ones among you. Mr. One, ready? And now, attention! Little thief! Stealing money from orphans. I'll teach you! Let go of that! What's going on? What's the matter? The poor man's not well. Don't move! Don't move or I'll waste you! Denree! Kill him! - Who's that? - He's the strong man at the fun fair. I don't know him. What do you want? I have lost little other. He didn't come all by himself. Well, well, kiddies, hard at work? It looks like you're doing really well. Thanks for waiting for us. Thank you. Just remember, my ears are so sharp... that I can hear you think. Go buy yourself some sweets. Don't overdo it. Come on. Move your bum. Go on. Here. Move it! Get the tools and let's beat it. Move it! Those rotten Cyclops. Don't worry. We know where to find them. And him? What about him? You helped us out. Here. Now we're even. Hey, girl. Cyclops. You know where to find Cyclops? Will you get lost? Beat it! Happy birthday, Uncle dear Our wish is most sincere We hope this cake of ours will ing you happiness Good fortune and success Wait till the candles are blown out! In fair or foul weather We'll always be together Happy birthday, Uncle Irvin. A cake for me? You're really too kind. Are you ready, children? Not you. You've got a cold. One, two. What is all this bellowing about? But, sweetheart, it's Irvin's birthday. Irvin's birthday? Why, of course. How could I have forgotten? Let us cele ate. Let us all make merry. Everyone, let's shout! Scream out! Krank, come back. I had a thought last night. If these children only have nightmares... it's perhaps because the evil is in you. Why not seek the cause of your torment... in the molecular study of your own tears? Who could make me cry? Well, boss... we could make you cry with laughter. I am a gnome a bag of bones A man of means and full of beans The girls in Spain sing my refrains I've such a pain that it's insane You mustn't be angry. Your others are doing their best. My others? May I give it a try? Go ahead, mollusk. Once upon a time, there was an inventor so gifted... that he could create life. - Truly remarkable man. - Ah, a fairy tale. I can already feel tears in my eyes. Since he had no wife or children... he decided to make them in his laboratory. He started with his wife and fashioned her... into the most beautiful princess in the world. Alas, a wicked genetic fairy cast a spell on the inventor... so much so that the princess was only knee-high to a grasshopper. He then cloned six children in his own image. Faithful, hardworking, they were so alike... no one could tell them apart. But fate tricked him again, giving them all sleeping sickness. Craving someone to talk to, he grew in a fish tank... a poor migraine-ridden ain. And then, at last, he created his masterpiece... more intelligent than the most intelligent man on Earth. But, alas, the inventor made a serious mistake. While his creation was intelligent, he, too, had a defect. He never, ever had a dream. You can't imagine how quickly he grew old... because he was so unhappy. Boss. There! An eye dropper, quick! An eye dropper! Then the poor masterpiece became so crazed... that he believed a single teardrop could save him. And, after committing many cruel deeds... he died a horrible death... never knowing what it is to dream. Get out! All of you, get out! Good-bye, Uncle. Happy birthday. See you tonight. Silence... you glub! What do you expect us to do with that? I wouldn't waste a nail to hang it up. But it's pretty, isn't it? Don't get smart with us. The picklock won't always be there to save your behind. All right, get lost. - That's all? - Afraid so. If you keep being sassy... You'll be sorry. There's no shortage of orphans, Miette. Listen carefully, Tadpole. You don't want to go to the hole, do you? - It's very cold there. - And pitch black. And full of spiders. So give us all the rest. The rest. There's a fine lad. See? When you want to. Now, the second shift. The neighborhood's calm, isolated. But be careful. You never know. There's a backyard. You'll go that way with all the stuff. On the landing, there are three doors. One is locked from inside. That's the one that must be forced. Behind is what interests us. Here's the prize. It's identical to the one where he hides his loot. The problem with this safe: It takes two hours to crack it. Two hours? We're going to get caught. We have no choice, unless you know someone capable of carrying it. Somebody got in. - You big idiot! - He's right here now. Do I pay you to sleepwalk? Who is this guy? - Don't ask me. - I know who he is. The strong man at the fair, the one who eaks his chains. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Nice going, Mr. One. One don't like whistles. One not thief. A thief? Who's a thief? We're not stealing, just borrowing. What he said? He said you can take it back. It just won't be as heavy. - The true light. - Little other. Renounce the gift of sight and penetrate the corridor of shadows... the world of the blind. That guy is crazy. The Octopus will kill us. Tell her I'll ing him back. I won't be long. Help us build a better world... or we shall witness a reign of terror. One! Where do you think you're going? Cyclops truck. Denree, little other. What about the truck? Cyclops truck. Kidnap Denree. Kidnap little other. You know something? You won't find Cyclops truck like that. When you get there, someone will have eaten Denree. The wolf will have eaten him. Take a eak. No use wearing out your shoes. I know where the truck's going. Miette and One together? And then what? And anyway, how old was this other of yours? Little, little other. Found him... one night... on his rubbish bin, crying. One comes close. Discover... Okay, I can guess the rest. He's just like I thought. He's too little to bother. Let's go. We have to get out of here. Stupid! Lmbecile! Idiot! Have you finished? My crystal glasses are oken! You'll crack my chandelier! Are you calmer now? One look for Denree. See you. Oh, come on, fat head. - Where did those ats go? - I don't know. It's the big guy's fault. Miette's different since he came. Does he have all the jewels? That's all he's interested in? You had big ideas? Poor little Tadpole. You haven't fallen in love, too, like the others? Get to bed! - Filthy ats. - All the same. We really can't count on them. - Raise crows, they'll rip out... - Your eyes. - It's the best ones who want to go. - It's not the first time it's happened. It's always the same old story. - Remember little Lucas six years ago? - And Marcus before. Yes, Marcus. I'd almost forgotten him. - When we think... - Of everything we've done for them. And if she had an accident? You never know. At that moment, the winkles suddenly eak into a dance... then cast off their shells and begin to use them as megaphones... to announce the concert. Winkles, winkles. Shells, shells. And then, at that moment... all the winkles cast off their shells... and use them as megaphones to announce the concert. The winkles? The winkles cast off their shells? Please continue. Continue, and with colors as well. Yes, yes, yes. Then the hammerhead shark plays xylophone with the catfish bones. The walrus plays the Jew's harp with the... the sperm whale's suspenders. The sea is blue like the sky... and the sky is blue like the South Seas. And I don't know if I'm swimming in the sky or... or flying at the bottom of the sea. I swear it gives me the shivers. Shivers? Shivers all over. And igloos? Oh, yes, tell me about the igloos. Igloos that turn into mushrooms. Ah, it's you, my boy. I was expecting you. Not so loud. Turn it down. The boss might hear you. The boss? He's out of a test tube, like all of us. Lay the boy in the sarcophagus and come here. But before... Well, you promised me... What's tormenting you, my son? Well, this story that among us there's an original clone... different from the others. Is that true? Of course it's true. The others are nothing but cheap copies... while the original one is unique. - Unique? - Yes. And do you know who it is? Do you really want to know? Connect yourself to the child. - To the child? - Yes. Connect myself to the child? But I can't. It's forbidden. Exactly. The others wouldn't dare, but you, you can do it... because you're the original. Me? I'm the original? But it's not lonely being the original? All the penguins, the centipedes, everyone applauds. Except, even if you climb to the treetops... it's impossible to catch the candy floss. And so, everybody climbs to the top of the mountain... except the giraffes who, of course, stay in one spot... munching the clouds. Sleep. Sleep, my little one. I am the sandman... and you can't resist me. Your eyelids are so heavy. Sleep, my little one. The snowflakes evaporate... and then turn into hailstones. In the farmyards... the turkeys scramble towards... the hailstones. The better to peck them? And then when the children's voices cry for help... the chickens are merciless. There. Now he's going to come around very nicely. - Who, the boss? - No, the child. He's a real nightmare factory. - What's that? A fuse blew! - Perfect. Be careful. Someone will hear you. It's hard to be original. Now, throw this message... uh, bottle into the sea. - Yes. - Go on! May someone find my plea to get it over with. I... Ga iel Marie... I came into this world with open eyes... but I saw a world... that was a world of dogs. Litter of dogs! And so, the creator... sent me down here to Earth... to recover the power... that men have illegally seized. My others... you who have joined me in this struggle... understand that together we must fight... human beings... from their own grounds. The world... of appearances. I thought we had agreed on half a dozen. But you know it's becoming more and more difficult. People are suspicious. They've put up posters. In any case, this batch is as fresh as they come. Not one of them is over five years old. Listen. Let us have maybe a couple of hours... and we'll sort this thing out. Only the third eye... will enable you to enter... the world of appearances. But beware... because this sordid world of temptation and perversion... is also the world of desire. Try, Brother Angel Joseph... to discover it... without your losing sight... of the only true light. Be strong. My others... our grace... our great superior race... shall reign once more... on Earth! From that day on... our faithful third eye... will become useless... as the world of appearances... will be abolished. It's Denree. I see! What's that? That, Brother Angel Joseph... is a female. - A female. - Do you have a problem? What's that? That is a condemned man. Take them. Go on! Come back when those idiots have had enough. Search her! What is it? Kill her! She's clean. Then tomorrow night at Pier 24. 100,000. We'll never get half that. One more scrap of information. A girl in a red dress... with a big moron. We found these on them. But there was much more in the... What'll you do with them? A midnight snack for the fishes, tonight, Pier 24. A midnight snack for the fishes. - Irvin? - Such a migraine. You know all about feelings. Won't you try to help me? Won't you explain why all those children only have nightmares? 'Cause you were their nightmare. You can persecute all the children in the world... but there's one thing you'll never have. - What? - A soul. Because you believe you have one? You don't even have a body. He who created us made us all monsters. No, Krank, you're wrong. You are the only monster here. Be quiet! He's the only one responsible. For that, I say I'm innocent. I'm innocent! Anyway... I thank you for your help. Hurry up! And don't eak any of the baubles. Well done. And don't cut yourself. Are you sure that we're doing the right thing? Of course, my pet. All children love it. Lift your elbow. Why worry, Krank? If you're sincere, you have nothing to lose. How are you, Marcello? What's it to you? We need you, Marcello, and your creepy-crawlies. Have you still got the knack? No, please, not again. I paid enough already. - Nice place... - You've got here, Marcello. I'm glad to see it hasn't changed much. You know, I never liked that blue cage. You were always so kind to us, Marcello. - It's only fair... - That we look after you... Today. - A little girl in a red dress... - With a big moron. We want him. And what do I do with her? A midnight snack for the fishes. Come on, my little flea. There, there. Easy does it. Midnight snack for the fishes. Will you shut up, you idiots? - It wasn't me. - I don't care. Work this out among yourselves. How dare you hit the original. You, the original? Have you looked in the mirror lately? Miette... One will die? You're born in the gutter. You end up in the port. Miette too little. Not as little as all that. Five thousand on the kid. Ten thousand on the monster. There are pebbles in the meat pie. There are pebbles, bits of... - Did you hear anything? - Just them crazy birds. - There's something over there. - I don't see anything. - Who is that guy there? - What's all that monkey business? Well, Brutus. - I can't see anything now. - Don't you like the music? What you doing? I can't see. I don't want to be dead. Jump! Go on! Jump! Save Miette! Hurry! Jump! Found, West Pier, eve of St. John. Oh, it's a miracle! She's come to. Spit! Feel better? Look at me. Are you all right? You're very lucky that I came by. Haven't I seen you somewhere? I doubt it. No one ever sees me. I'm always underwater. Why? It's dangerous up there. - He wants to kill me. - Who? I can't remember anything. Some people lose their marbles. And me, I've lost my memory. I'm glad you're here. I ing in more than enough stuff for two. Look. You see, I'm a treasure hunter. The city's history is here. Cast into the sea and forgotten forever. - I see. - I'm here, cataloging, dating. Wait. That's the land shark's safe. Oh, yes. Yes, I ought it in yesterday. And this is Vito Nine Fingers. Everyone thought he ran away with his money. They're wrong. What are you doing? I stole them. I'm taking back what's mine. Don't go back up there. It's dangerous! You're a kid. Stay with me. Well, thanks for everything, but I've got to go. Not that way. - The children. - What about them? What do you know? He takes them. The devil takes them away... in his boat. He takes them to hell. - What hell? - The Tattooed Man, he knows where. The map. The map of the minefield is tattooed on his body. It's all my fault. This man's a proper nutcase. Holy cow, it's little other again. Miette. Take care of him. He's hopeless. Sure. What's the trouble, handsome? There's no reason to be depressed.

- What? - The girl... Yes. The girl drowned. I wasn't going to resuscitate her. - You should be twice as happy. - Why are you sniffing? Why I sniff? So what? I caught a cold at the pier. - Get ready in half an hour. - In a half hour? Cyclops truck kidnap little other. Kidnap Denree. Very funny. What are you doing here? Well, smarty, it wasn't nice of you to disappear. I'm sorry, but incredible things happened to One and me. No kidding? The Cyclops are stealing the children. Yeah? And if you want to know, that doesn't seem to bother Mr. One. He's picking up girls. - Who says so? - Pipo saw him. - That night. - In the bar. You're feeling a lot better already. You can handle your liquor, a strong man like you. That body, hard as a rock. May I touch you? Oh, wow! Pretty nice. I don't like to ag, but they haven't failed me yet. My little angel. Little angel. Life's a real bitch. Feel better? You're not cold? You kidding? You're a real radiator. Radiator. You should be ashamed of yourself! Of course Miette! You expecting Santa Claus? When you're through being ridiculous, maybe we can talk. Oh, well, there's no problem. I'll leave you. See you later, Mr. One. I know where your other is. Why, you're absolutely smashed. It's really you. - But how did you manage to... - You won't believe me. Tell me about it. - No, I have to take him back. - He's too heavy. See what state he's in? You won't be able to carry him all alone. - Maybe you can help me. - Me? Yes, but for real this time. I'm embarrassed. You know I didn't do it for money. I didn't betray you. What's she doing? Quick, run! Go on, run! They think you drowned. Let them go on believing it. We have to do something. Lower him! Get him! Careful! Great! - A job well done. - Trapped like a big, slobbering fish. What's the matter? What did he do to you? - What did he do to you? - You're inseparable. - You must be in love. - Think you're funny? He's a grown-up, and you know it. He may be big, but he's not grown up. And maybe you're not so little either. - Or you, or you. - I am. Okay, we get the message. - See ya. - Bye, Miette. You'd better get going. It'll soon get dark. One? You asleep? What did you do before? One sailor. Harpooned whales. One night... One hear whales singing. After... always the target I miss. One loses job. What's it like to have a little other? Keeps you... running. Well, he can't complain he's got nobody to worry about him. Denree... little other. Miette... little sister. What are you doing? Radiator. Okay, Miette? You had bad dream? I saw that woman again. You know, who steals children. There were huge balls in the port... full of spikes. Mines? The Tattooed Man knows where they've taken them. The map of the minefield is tattooed on his body. You were a sailor. You should know about tattoos. Big strong guy. Kinda stupid. Now that rings a bell... with red hair. - And hands like a baboon. - He was supposed to deliver him. We sent him the trumpet. He ought it back empty. - Nothing! - But he took my sight, I swear! Shut up! - The beacons. Don't hurt them. - Would we do that? On the contrary. Finish him. Those sluts. Always naggin' at me. Boss? - The boy ate your dinner. - It doesn't matter. You were hungry, no doubt, my angel. Come closer. No violence, Mishinka. After all, this young man is our guest. The merciless burden of solitude. And no one... no one is spared. Not even great minds. And that shows... just how much I appreciate a visit... that's as spontaneous as yours. I'm glad I have no ears to hear such nonsense. It's getting rather late for Irvin. He becomes so tired. I'm sorry, Uncle Irvin. Tell me... are you susceptible to the influence... of the full moon? And to the werewolf? You're only sensitive to your nutritive urges. You're not at all terrified of me. You and I were made for each other. You are the little boy that I need. Let everyone know. There. Tattoo artist there. Fifteenth one we've seen. Hey, Cro-Magnon, slow down! I'm pooped. For every step you take, I take three. Tell me... after you've found your little other, what'll you do? Don't know. Find work. House. One day... take wife, maybe. Well, what kind of wife? No hurry to choose. Need time to find shoes One's size. Miette for life. Are you sure you don't remember? He was a sailor who worked the minefields. You tattooed the map on him. He will be most honored to answer your question. What on Earth is that, Mama? It can't be a submarine. It's going through the mines. It's the Messiah. The Messiah has come to save us. The Messiah walked on top of the water. Two hands are better than one. Hello, Miette. Oh, no! Don't say you've forgotten us. Days and nights without news. - We were beginning to worry about you. - Don't bother. We're never coming back. Right, One? Truer words were never said. You'd better give us those jewels, quick. Good work. Very good. Now we'll play a little tune for you in our own way. A farewell tune. All right? He's killing her. Will you keep quiet? Shut up, I said! Will you shut up? There's been an accident! The two little ats got away, Zee. But it's not over, is it? They're hiding. - And why are they hiding? - Because they don't want to play. So that's why they hide. Why, it's you, my little flea. Tell me where you've been. How horrible. What's the Octopus doing? Scratch. Go on. Be careful. - You got stung, you bitch! - Bitch! Bitch yourself! Die! Let go! You're hurting me! Die, you crazy witch! - Why must you look like me? - That's not true! I don't look like you! It's you who looks like me! You old hag! I'm going to kill you! I'll kill you first! - I'll tear your nose off! - Die! If I die, you die too! Think you can live forever. Always better than anyone else. You ugly old bitch! Not a migraine tonight. I want you in impeccable condition. Your concern is really touching. Has the boy put you into such good spirits? A perfect specimen that is totally uninhibited. Tonight is my last chance. What is it? The thing is here, Mama. In the house. What do we do now? Don't you panic! Are you men? Yes or no? No. Well, that's enough! Inspection and report! The explosives! They've disappeared. It came from there. There must be a passage. Too small. Mouse hole. It's worth a try. I'm off. We're really starting to get attached. Concentrate on my voice, Krank. You're sinking into sleep. You're falling into a void. Always deeper. Together, we shall open a door. Please don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. Good-bye, grasshopper. - You, Professor. - There's no more professor, Martha. Just a terrible mistake. It must be erased. Say, I recognize you. So, little crayfish, huh? You fell into a strange net, huh? Run. Run before it's too late. - Does it hurt? - Yes. I'm allergic to steel. It's nothing. He'll erase everything, like a mistake, you see. He explained it to me. You'll feel better after. Yes. He really knows. - He's the original. - What are you doing? - I found him. - Who? There. - The original. - The original? - Quite a shock, no? - The original. That's the original. But I'm the original. It's me! - No, I'm the original. - Smell that. 33 sodium nitrate, 20 glycerine carbonate and S02. Very strange. You remind me of someone. All of you. Well, come on. - Back to work, huh? - Hey! And the kids? - You've forgotten? - Of course! The little children. I came for them. I even ought them this. And this. Give them back to them, huh? Come on! Let's go! Please, help me! Which is the way out? Miss? Miss? The passage there. Take the key. Here. But don't hurt him. Go save the children. Here you are at last. I've been waiting so long. Is someone there? I'm the one speaking. In the fish tank. Come closer. Don't be afraid. It's you who's speaking, mister? The mines. The oil rig in your dream. Remember? That was my message. Don't try to trick me, too, mister. Get up, little other. We have to go. - Wake up, now. - Oh, no! You'll kill him! He's under a spell. There's only one way. Go find the child where he is... in the clutches of evil. Inside the dream. Look, no hands! I don't believe this. What am I doing here? Don't worry. Everything will be all right. If you say so, mister. It's funny. I don't even know the little other. But I know you. The little other could have been yours. Don't be afraid. Just relax. Now, close your eyes, listen to my voice... and sleep. Be ave, little girl. Who are you? Why are you in my dream? - Why is it his dream? - Because he's not afraid of me. Please let me take his place. What would you get in exchange? A other. If I take his place, maybe I'll see his big other again. You are trying to trap me, aren't you? You don't risk very much. So be it. Well, my chickadee, huh? Sometimes it's better to land in the muck, huh? Hey, you'd better get out of this place. It's going sky-high! I had a weird dream. I was very, very old. And you were dead. The void equals infinity! Oh, no, Uncle! Heave, ho! Row faster, guys! It's following us! What do you mean, following us? Untie the bowlines, idiots. Come back! It's me! Your creator! I made you! I gave you life! Irvin! You hear me? I order you to come back!

Declare all valuables to Customs. ltems undeclared will be... ...confisticated plus a 1000 fine. Fei-hung, delcare the ginseng to Customs. Dad, we've to pay at least... ...a duty of 50 yen. Right. Let's pass by hiding it... ...inside our pants. They won't search him, taking it for hernia only. The idea... Outrageous, outrageous! lt won't work. You've got nothing but lousy ideas. The Northern Army has imposed... ...heavy duties. Right. That's most unfair. Nothing in this world is fair. One travelling must avoid as much as possible. Declare it. Who's he? Why's he so snobbish? Who's he? Don't you know British Counsul is privileged? You don't pay duties... ...if you become a Counsul. Exempt from duties? Right. Watch out! What's wrong with you? Get up, get up! What the hell are you up to? He was knocked down. Sorry. Why have you given away... ...such a big ginseng? To avoid tax! l'll get it back in a minutes. Let me have another fall then. What? By putting everything in, l don't have to pay tax. Coming. What's wrong with him. Epilepsy Attack. Tso, get up! Set him free! Dad, l'll pay tax in front. Take care. Don't jostle. Follow the queue! Catch it, master. Come quick! These kids really are OK. Put it aside. A pickpocket! Stolen my dad's wallet. Fei-hung. Stay where you are! Fei-hung, don't chase him! Come up. Fei-hung, remember what i've taught you. You can't win over a local boy. Don't chase a desperate thief, understand? But he stole your money. Forget it, as there's no loss. Remember, the important thing in life is... Forgive while you can. Remember it. l forgot. Checkmate! Again. A man shouldn't renege. How should l move now? Think, think it over. Dad, look, many trees. That tree's big! Already gone. Come on. Can l concede the loss? Use your ains. What? Can't move now. Are you okay? How did you catch? Sorry, old gentleman. Young man, be careful in playing ball. Thank you. Have you thought it over? Come on. How come it's ''go'' chess? l can't beat you. Don't go away, vendor. Dad, you don't like this. Let me go down to buy roast chicken for you. Just wait. A vendor will come in a minute. No, we must go down to get a nice roast chicken. Right, right. You yearn for a chance to move around. Why make an excuse? go then. Go, go. Don't cause any trouble. Yes. Be sure to come back early! Master, what class is the compartment? Why are the cattle here too? lt stinks like hell! lt's just another world. The weather in the northest is OK. l like it. This is first class. The number of foreigners says it all. What are you doing? Looking for a friend. Could you possible have friends here? Right, right. Yes. You can't go in anyway. Can't we just have a look? No. Go away! Go away, or i'll report you! Master, what now? Let's try something. Really? Of course. Master, the next step? See how i do it. What are you doing? What's wrong? The ducks have fled! Chase them! Throw away the poultry quick! Get back the poultry quick! Sorry. Hitting me? A thief. Sorry, i'll clear it up right away! Stop! What are you doing? Halt! A thief beating people! Henchman! What? Have a bowl of tea. Move and i'll stab you! Henchman! Don't run First, i'm not a henchman. Second... i've already conceded to you. Who cares? i won't lose. You mule, what do you want? Simple, just apologise to me. Apologise to you? Of course, you've misunderstand me. OK, sorry. And let me box you on the ear. Ducking? Again. Hit me if you can! Don't say i'm bullying you! Ok, i'll play along. Come on. Come on. Drunken boxing. Sure, you think i'm getting dizzy? OK, come on. Come over. Come over. Come over. Well, wait till you get sober first. Uncle Tsao, God Serving Wine. Cripple Li, Elbows Whirl and Knees Hit. Any such blow is drunken boxing? it's Holding a Jar. New to you? Fairies Littering Petals. Grasping Wrist and Hitting Chest. Han Blowing a Flute. What's this? it's Drunk on the Battlefield. Don't worry, stand up. This hero's kung fu is OK. Young man, your skills are not bad either. But your drunken boxing... faultless? No, not powerful enough and can't kill. What? My drunken boxing can't kill? Let's go on. You're running out of time. What? i'm young and strong. l've lots of time. The train's leaving. Who cares? Stay! The train! Wait for me. i can't keep up. Your hand, come on, quick! Thank you. Have you got back your stuff? Ginseng? Get up, all of you! Get down the luggugae for inspection! Hurry up! Morning. What's up, please? The British Council has lost something, so everyone has to be searched. Have a check. Yes. Closely! Open your luggage, be quick! What's this! Lingtzu. And that? Bear gall. What's that? Show me. Ginseng. And that? Deer foot ribs. And that? Deer tail. Checked. And that box? That box... Lingtzu. That box, not this. That box? That box behind you. Ginseng, and you've already seen it! Open it. Show him. All medicine. Open it. Open it! Sir, he's my friend... ...in a legit business. He's never been away. No need to search. Who are you? What have you got to say? Sorry. His dad is a General in Northeast. His dad's a general, and this is his territory. Check the next compartment. Go forward. Let's go. This young man's quite capable. Fei-hung, follow his example. Fei-hung, put aside the ginseng. You said the jade seal's missing? The Emperor's jade seal... ...is like the crown of England. Understand? Everything combined here... ...is not as valuable. The British Empire's premier is my friend. i promised to put... the jade seal symbolsing... the power of Chinese Emperor... into the London Museum of Art. i don't care how you're going to do it. i want it back. Yes, sir. Sir, i know who's taken it. go and find it! Yes, sir. Right. The workers at the steel factory... ...refuse to work at night. Anything you can do about it? Don't worry. i'll get someone to convince them. They'll nicely return to work at night for sure Go then. Yes. The ancestor be blessed. All of a kind! Thank you, Patriarch. Come on, pay up. Cut off the nonsense and pay. For treatment tell him to see Luk-Ah-choi. Pay. My luck's beat you all. Pay, pay. One make leads to a series of others. Madam, Master's back. Good, why fuss? Master's back! Master. What's taken you so long? i didn't hear it inside. Let me. Master, you're back. Any hardship on the journey? No, no. Mother. No mahjong game? Nonsense! I told you repeatedly... ...not to treat when i am out. Master, you preached a doctor's... ...parental love too. I couldn't stand... ...by doing nothing about a dying person. lf i did, you'd blame me. Have they lost much? Yes, yes. Need my help? Gynaecology only. i alone can cope. Fei-hung, you've been away long. Now serve incense to mothers shrine. Wash your hands before you do it. Don't laugh. Get a ladder for him to do it. Yes. Did you water the plants regularly? Yes, master. Mother. The chips. Fei-hung. What are you doing? Nothing. Go and serve incense. Get up. Go now, go. This is mine. It's mine, it's on my chair! What are you doing? Behave yourself. Remember to come again for treatment. Yes. Don't forget. Madam Wong. Mr. Chan. Is Master Wong back? Yes, he's inside. What about the ginseng i told him to buy for me He has got it. This way, please. Master, Mr. Chan's here to get the ginseng. Mr. Chan, you've come... To get the ginseng? What are you doing? I'm going in to get the ginseng. Yes. Go quick. Mr. Chan, l've bought you a big ginseng. Sit a while. Let's chat after l've serve incense Sorry for the trouble. Mr. Chan, let me... ... ing you a cup of tea. Good, thank you. What's the matter with you? Where're you going? If master knows the ginseng's lost, I'll be finished. You won't. Fei-hung. What are you two doing? Mom, come here, come here. Mom, we're finished. The ginseng was replaced on the train. Tso, you're finished. Look. Mom, what shall we do now? Do something. OK? Coming. Go and get a cup of tea for Mr. Chan. What? Get tea? Get tea l get tea and you try something. Do, as i told you. Go, go. He gets the tea. What about me? Come. What is it behind you? A staircase. And above the stairs? The medicine storehouse. And inside the storehouse? A box. And inside it? Ginseng. Thank you, madam. It's poison. What do you mean? Stop making fun of me, madam. Better let me handle it. Mr. Chan, have tea, please. Thank you. Dad, have tea. Mr. Chan. Why serve tea now? To show mom my filial piety to you. You... A big ginseng, isn't it? A rare genus of super quality... ...appears only once in a blue moon. Just put it in boiling water. After taking it, you assured... ...of potency and youth. Why have you ought a carrot? What? Carrot? Doesn't it look like ginseng? No. l was going to tell you it's carrot, and a big carrot. it neutralises... ...other tonics. Don't take it within 3 months... ...after taking ginseng. Understand? All right now. Mr. Chan, my wife really is considerate. She showed you the carrot, just to warn you against... taking carrot within 3 months... after taking ginseng. Why doesn't it look like it? I didn't see it. Nor did i. i didn't see it either. Fei-hung, what are you doing? i really didn't see anything. Mom, does it look like it? Yes, very much. Brat, where did you steal it? Dad's plant. You're finished, but never mind. Blame it on Tso. Good. Blame me again? My goodness! Tso. Come in quick. Let me help you. Are you all right? Did you trip? it looks like it. Of course. Fei-hung's dad, come over. Sorry. Please. Sorry, Mr. Chan. Good. What happened? Come on, come over. Why are you acting so furtively? I want to consult you on something. Fei-hung's grown now, he must be lonesome. What then? Do you feel that... Mr. Chan, your ginseng. Still wet? Just unearthed. Mr. Chan, my dad... ...got it hard. He said it's wild ginseng. it's to be taken only after being put... ...in a rice container for 3 days. To ing him a... ...small other or sister? No hurry, let's talk about it later. Why not? Your master Lu Ah-choi's birthday is coming. It's just passed. He'll have his birthday again next year. That's for next year only. Mr. Chan. No, no. Ginseng has to be put on the chest... ...to get some human eath. Rember, take it only in 3 days. And don't forget... tomorrows fund-raising assembly. Master Wong. i must take my leave. Have you seen the ginseng? Yes. Satisfied? Yes, yes. Very satisfied! Let me see you out. No, let Fei-hung do it. Where's he? Let me. Please, please. Goodbye. Take care. The Militia want you... ...to be their coach. They ask if you're interested. i've already given them my word. l know you did. Mom. Mr. Chan has left. What do you want to tell me? I need your advice. Should we to ask for... ...a 30-years deposit in advance? Forget it. You're tired. Talk about it tomorrow Go in and retire. Dad, go in and retire. How long am i going to live? Frankly, if they do pay you a 30-year deposit, that's a good thing. Why pull a long face? lf dad should see that plant... Just throw the pot away. One more thing. What's it? If Mr. Chan takes the fake... ...ginseng after return. Let's wait till he is sick. Wish he could really wait for 3 days. Just for some water. Be back soon. Hurry up Hurry up Time for dismissal. No bells Deliver the coffee before ringing the bell Fo Sang, my stove's going out. Stoke it In a moment Uncle Hing, take care So i noticed Time for dismissal Ring the bell So much hurry! Coffee time Off now. Bells to start work! You're... Nonsense. I'm the new foreman. Do as i tell you! What happened? What's wrong? Isn't it time to be off? Today, that's no way to curry favor. Right. Right, we're already off. Why did you clock-in? He is... The new foreman told me to do it. The new foreman? What a waste letting... ...the factory go idle? So we're working overtime. 4 hours' overtime each night... ...for a month. Hear me? What? One month? One month? Quiet, everybody! Well, Mr. Smith, We'll work over time, if you agree to pay us overtime. Right, we must've overtime pay. We've already paid you overtime pay. The free board... ...and lodging we provided you... already cover the overtime pay don't they? Understand? Quiet! Mr. Smith, free board and lodging... are precondition. We won't work overtime... ...if you don't pay for it. Right, we won't work. Let's go. Halt! You won't work overtime the 1st day of my appointment. It means not giving me face. That's not true. It's a matter of principle. Who'd work overtime without extra pay? Let's go. Don't! Why not? All back to work, hear me? Stand back, all of you! Keung. Are you going to work or not? Who dares to disobey? Henry, you're great! Are you convinced now? They've to work. Well, you go on with practice. The racket! it disturbs my sleep Any way to buy up that plot The land is owned by Po Chi Lam gym He just won't sell Damn! i must get rid of him Sure Fun, are'nt you tired of working alone? Why not let someone help you? Don't you agree? Getting help? No female dares to kill snakes like i do. And i can't afford... ...to pay wages to a man. So i prefer to be alone. Right you are. But a female... ...may suffer... ...without the care of a man. Why not let me teach you kung fu... ...to protect yourself? I like nothing but drunken boxing. What good is it? Come to Sha Min tonight. and i'll teach you Tsai Li Fu boxing! I prefer drunken boxing. What's there to see? Back to work! So many are waiting to buy fish. Are you blind? How much? Drunken boxing beat Tsai Li Fu? l chop! Master Tsan. Wong Fei-hung. Half fish, minced, and a fish head, please. Which half? Snake gall is good for the eyes, suits elderly people best. Fun. Boiled snake soup. Fun. Fei-hung. You snake has fled! Never mind. What do you want? Give me 3 snake galls and one pheasant. I've already reserved them for you. Thank you. Which half do you want? It makes no difference. Fei-hung, they say your drunken boxing is OK. Thank you. Teach me a few moves when you've time. OK. I won't mince fish today. Never mind. I'll do it at home myself. Just do it as i told you. Stop nagging. I want it right away. Fei-hung, when will you teach me drunken boxing? What good is drunken boxing? It's so sissy. Wong Fei-hung, you've spoken the truth. Why don't you ask Tsan to teach you Tsai Li Fu? What good is your Tsai Li Fu? At least it's better than drunken boxing? Never mind him, Fei-hung. When will you teach me drunken boxing? Fun, don't you prefer... Tsai Li Fu to drunken boxing? Pupils, don't you agree? Yes. Sure. It depends on who's the master. My Tsai Li Fu will beats your drunken boxing. If l lose to you. I'll pay for the fish and fish head... ...you bought today. Tsan, isn't that a deal? Yes, it's a deal Master Tsan, I'm afraid... ...i may hurt the passers-by. Let them be the witness then. Neighbors, ladies and gentlemen. I, fishmonger Tsan, will have... ...a fight with Wong Fei-hung. Be our witness. Come on. Don't worry, just a token fight. Go ahead. Why don't you use drunken boxing? Good! Great, Fei-hung, you've won. No, i drew with... ...Master Tsan. Right. Again. Master Tsan. Coming. Mom wants me. Excuse me. My mom wants me. Fei-hung. Your fish. Well, how much? It's my treat. Thank you. All right now. it's a draw. Buy anything you want. Go. Getting your food free? Didn't you fight? No? You may get hell from your dad again if you did. How can we afford... ...to get the ginseng? Just sell my diamond necklace... ...from your dad. No way. Why not? You're finished if he... ...takes the fake ginseng. Thank you, mom. A friend in need is a friend indeed. He's the man wanted by Counsul. You follow him. I'll ing men, OK? Yes. Wong Kei-ying sells his wife's... ...jewelry only in emergency. Try to cut down the price, understand? Yes, what a nagger. Let's go. Is the drought so serious? The province... ...is known for infertility. There's no harvest and no rainfall. How can it not be serious? My friend told me one whole family there... shares one pair of pants only. Who wears it then? Any member that goes out. Mr. Chiu, so you're here. Sorry, i'm late. Mr. Chiu. Don't mention it. Sorry. Don't mention it. Don't you have an appointment... ...with my wife in ABC Cafe? Are you one player short again? No, i'll help you to raise funds. Aren't you coming with me? Right, i'll try to get a donation from Tsan. Go quick, don't keep them waiting. OK. Excuse me, Dad. Stay. Don't cause trouble. I won't. This way. Go and ing men. Since everyone's here, please explain the procedure. Good. This... Since Po Chi Lam's in trouble, we must... ...answer Master Wong's request for donation. Please don't misunderstand. The donation is not for Po Chi Lam. It's for the relief of draught victims. The donation goes to whoever's in trouble. We're all Chinese, right? Don't come over unless i tell you to. Hurry up! Has anybody disclosed this? No. And you? I didn't. Don't frame me. Whoever revealed it gets his face punched in. You'll get it for sure. Luckily... ...my face's OK. We're no busybody. Right. Who's a busybody then? They're every inch a busybody. Cut it out! Show me quick! Show us quick! Open it quick to show us. It's valuable! It's beautiful! Show me. It's understood this is to put in your custody, and i'll redeem it as soon as l can. OK. At worst i'll pay a higher price. don't begrudge it. Produce it. Did you see what it was? No, may be... ...an expensive item she tried to sell. We'll snatch it all the same. Be careful not to... ...expose your identity. Yes. You act, you help. Listen, don't wear it to show off. You may ruin me. Don't worry, I'll enjoy it at home only. When will be our game? Well... What's wrong? Thief! Louder. Thief! Thief! Wait for me here. Fei-hung, over there. Luckily you ran fast. Fei-hung, great, you've got it back! My dear son! Fei-hung. Fat, hello. Great! Thank you. Rickshaw! What happened? You've hit me. Sorry. You can't get over by saying 'sorry' only. What do you want then? Kneel down and kowtow to say 'sorry'. Your Not Serious! Darling. Never mind them. They're birds of the same feather. Nonsense, bitch! No one has called me... ...that for a long time. You couldn't escape our attention. You exchanged eyes... ...with that man. You look wretched... ...even in a foreign suit. You're hitting my mom! Mom, are you OK? Hitting my son? Mom, is it serious? Don't dream of leaving her if you... ...don't apologize on your knees. You're really going too far. What did you say? Act. Act? It means fight. Fight, fight. What happened to your mouth? It's all right. My necklace is in that wallet. Pass it over quick! Darling, fling it over to me. Catch! OK. Who's that young man! Wong Kei-ying's son. Po Chi Lam. His drunken boxing is terrific. lt's a superb! How's drunken boxing? Show me. He's Wong Fei-hung. i'm on good terms with him. Fei-hung. Fei-hung, teach them a lesson...... with drunken boxing. Dad may give me hell. Don't worry, I'll out talk him. Why don't you promote... ...Po Chi Lam's image? Look. Come on. What the hell do you live on? A bunch of fools! Four beaten by one! Come on! Is that drunken boxing? I think so. Not bad. Excellent! Not too powerful. Just so-so. You don't understand. Go. Go, go. Hold it quick! Get us much wine as possible. You didn't pay for the wine. Charge it to Mrs. Wong's account. They're fighting over there. Go over quick! Where's he now? Why's he missing? Over there. Hurry up! Oh, no, i'll go with Yee to call the police. Don't call the police. Fei-hung, catch! Dad won't let me drink! I will. You're finished if you're beaten... and your gym ruined. And white wine, red wine. Can your son drink it adultrated? why not? lt adds to the strength. Can you make it? I think i must drink a bit more. A little bit. Give it to me. Catch! Thank you. Get up! Why crouch over there? It's strong. What wine is this, mom? I don't read English, it has a cross and a skull. Good Wine! Lu Tung Pin, Drinking Gives Herculean Strength. Gripple Li, Elbow Whirl and Knees Hit. Old Han, Holding Jar with Drunken gait. Uncle Tsao. Fairies Serve Wine, Choking the Throat. Come on! Chang Kuo Lao, Drunken, Throwing cup... ...and kicking Continuously. Lan Tsai Ho, Serving Wine on One Foot. Han Hsiang Tsu, Grasping Wrist, Attacking Chest, Playing Flute Drunken. This is Angel Ho. Serving Wine with Swaying Wait & Drunken Gait. Twist, twist, I twist. What blow is this? Angel Pisses. What? Terrific! I've never seen it before. Uncle Tsao, Cleaning Whiskers at the Brook. Drinking Removes Myraids of Woes. Go, go. Stay! Your son wants another kind of wine. I don't have any. Go and find it. Master, so you're here. What's happening? Master, Fei-hung got beaten. Catch. Fei-hung. Fei-hung. God on Birthday Cele ation. Alas! Are you out of your mind? Wake up! I'm your Father! Dad Dad What happened? Great father and son. So it's you, dad! Why did you fight again? Fight? Master. What on earth is it? You should come earlier. Fei-hung fought illiantly. The thugs snatched Fa's diamond... ...necklace from Mrs. Wong. With the little money from you, I couldn't buy it. Why did you sell the diamond necklace? Who's got any diamond necklace? Mr. Wong. Why hide Po Chi Lam's financial trouble? Why raise funds under the pretext of relief? Po Chi Lam's all right. Keep the money in custody. Don't drink anymore. Fei-hung. He's deadly drunk. Mrs. Wong. Don't drink no more! Mr. Wong. Let's help him back. You get the wine... Let me help you. Why are you standing there? Go home. Yes, master. Goodbye. They're gone. Go now. Me, too. Where's he going? What's there to see? Follow him! A bunch of fools! You're not any good either. You meant to tell on me? You meant to tarnish our image. You at! Now everybody thought l raise money... ...under the pretext of relief! Are you oke? You're even selling my jewelry. Who's selling it? l showed it to Fa as an example only. because she... ...likes the pattern. Don't deny. Mr. Chiu's wife asked him... ...for money to buy it. Did you lose much on mahjong games? Fa could've lied to her husband... ...to get the money. You only believe others, not me. Is there any justice? Mom, you're OK, you have a way. Be on your knees properly! See how drunk you are! Kneel properly! I told you not to use... ...drunken boxing or fight. But you're disobedient. You do it your way? You're drunk, you hit your own dad! I'll kill you. Why are you hitting your son? He helped me only because i got beaten. You prefer to let me be killed... ...than have him use drunken boxing? Like mother... ...like son! I don't let him use drunken boxing... ...for his own good only. What's wrong with that? You expected him to stick to that... ...old medicine shop all his life? You really make my temperature rise! You never learn! Who made a mess of this... ...pot of mine? Oh, i forgot to... ...fling away that pot! Tso. You're responsible. Well, why fuss over such a triffle? Master, why get so excited? I ruined the plant. I sold the necklace because l lost in gambling. And i forced him to use... drunken boxing. And i made him drink as he did. Curse me! Kill me, i asked for it! Don't go too far! Don't just take the blame... ...yourself for everything! You resent it? Beat me! Don't think i daren't lay hands on you! OK. Why cry? l haven't done anything. Come on, beat me! Kill me, and be a man! Hitting my own wife, why not? I'll kill... Just kill me! One body with two lives of the Wongs! What? Are you pregnant? Why on your knees? Come. Get up! You told me to kneel. And i'll do it accordingly. I kneel, kneel. Well, i'm sorry, all my fault! Great, i'm going to have a small other! Get up, come on! Leave me alone! Keep away! I crouch! Watch out! Don't! Put me down! OK. I hate you! i'll back-somersault! Don't! My fault! Put me down! All my fault! I'll spin one full circle. Keep cool, it was all my fault! Tso, get a chair for madam Qucik My wife, sit down, please! My fault again. Are you all right? You missed me. Only an accident. Get up! You did it deliberately. Nothing wrong with your belly? Don't touch me! It's all right. Thank God! Master, Mrs. Chan wants to see you on urgent business. Take a rest. Dad's OK, he's as sophiscated as ever. Nonsense! Master Wong. Mrs. Chan, what is it? Master Wong, look. This is not ginseng. I showed it to another doctor, and he said it's a poison plant. I knew you wouldn't cheat me with an imitation. I'm afraid you've been fooled. Luckily, my husband took only half of it. He's now only half alive. What are you doing? Time for you... ...to repay my favor now. Beat it for me. Sorry. Uncle Ho, go get the antidote Lingtzu. Boil it and feed it to Mr. Chan. He'll be all right in time. Master Wong, l've come to... ...tell you about it only. I won't disturb you any more. Sorry. Goodbye. Sorry. Who did it? Master, young master did it. Not my fault. Don't you know this... ...could be fatal? And you've ruined... Po Chi Lam's reputation. Mom, the ginseng grown by dad... I'll kill you! Brat, I'll kill you! lmitation ginseng kills, don't you know? He knew it for sure. I sold the diamond necklace... to buy a ginseng only. A slip of the tongue! To evade payment of duty. Your son hid the ginseng in someone... ...else's luggage and it got lost. To evade tax for me? Outrageous! I may be poor, but l'm honest. Dishonesty is worse than starvation. Now you've ought... ...this way! You want to drink? l'll let you drink it now. Drink it, drink it like hell, come on! Drink it like hell! How dare you fight back? I've ought you up for nothing. Get out of my sight! You're not my son! Get out! Get out! Get out! Stop it, master! Stop it, master! Get out! Fei-hung. Fei-hung. Get out! You're not my son! Stop it! Get up! Master. Master, stop it, please! Master, don't. Master. Are you out of your mind? He's your dad! Get out! Fei-hung. Tso, after him! Tso. There! Catch. Thanks for the trouble. Don't mention it. Boss, here you are. Thank you. Same as usual Please be seated. i'll be with you right away. Fei-hung, your dad wouldn't let you loose, this is to protect the image of Po Chi Lam. I see a generation gap. Let me toast my dad. Drink! No, we won't continue. Don't drink after this. It's bad for the health. Name a song. I want to name a song. What will you name, sir? Dad's nice. i'll sing it myself. Dad's nice. Good. No one's better than dad. His child's like a straw. lf i misbehave, he boxes me on the ear. Egad! No one's better than dad. He takes his son for a sandbag. Punches, kicks, yes. Em aces, never. No one's better than dad. A pity i never knew. Look, it's that guy. So that's him His drunken boxing is terrific. Well, let me take him on. It's deep night, don't awake others! What are you doing? None of your business, none of your business either! Whoever interferes will be beaten. Run quick! Stand back, or you'll be beaten too! Keep away! Keep away! Why don't you play? I'd like to try your drunken boxing. Dad won't let me fight it. Watch out, he is joking. What's wrong? They say it's terrific! Wong Fei-hung? Excuse me. Why hit him? Nothing for you. Stop him from getting closer. Henry, you said... ...it's terrific? How come? He wasn't like that today. Ask them and you'll be convinced. Right. Why hit me? isn't your drunken boxing powerful? Show me. You call that drunken boxing? Take his life right now! Mad? With so many around, just teach him a lesson. King of Drunken Boxing? Wong Fei-hung. Something wrong. Over there, Master Wong. Thank you. What's wrong? Fei-hung. He even gets dizzy. His dad. What did you say? Don't be sorry. When young, we ran around naked too. If i had been present, this might not have happened! Young master, don't be sad. Let me tell you some good news. All girls in the city... ...yearn to marry you. Are you happy now? Don't cry. Come on, wipe your face. Where's my dad? In the garden. Fei-hung never forgets he once... ...won with drunken boxing. I've my reasons for not letting him use it. There's nothing wrong with drunken boxing. You to drink to use it though, and you get drunk easily. Let alone fighting, you can't even stand properly. He get's into trouble because of this. Don't drink so much then. No, he must drink a proper portion, before it becomes effective. He gets powerful but feels no pain when beaten. So it gives the wrong... ...illusion of being powerful. A drinker knows... ...he can't stop drinking. Is it worth being... ...a drunkard to use this move? Water floats but also capizse boats. A good thing must have something bad in it. Yet a righteous fighter like Fei-hung. should be excusable for drinking a bit more. Master, your words are... ...too profound for me. Why? What is ''excusable''? How does ''water floats, also capsizes boats''? How much drink is a proper portion? I won't drink any more. You're grown. Get up, shame on you. go and thank your two friends now. Come on, thank them. Is he naughty? Don't touch him. He's asleep. Good. Come again for treatment tomorrow. Does Wong Fei-hung live here? What if he does? I want to get something from him. What's it at this late hour? I can't tell you. Did those men send you here? Skirt kick! Don't misunderstand. You old dog! What did you say? Have you had enough? You're hitting my mom? Fei-hung, let me help you. He's hitting my belly. Dad, help! Come on! Did you get hurt? I lied only to make dad fight. You at! Fei-hung, he's... Fei-hung. Stay where you are! Stay where you are! We'll join to kill you! I told you not to move. I told you not to move! OK. Are you all right? I'm Wong Kei-Ying. And you? You're the coach of the Militia. I'm Fu Wen-chi. The last decorated... ...Manchu officer? It's nice seeing you. Go in. OK. Please. Come. Please. Please. Mom, what did dad say? Damn the... ...military honours. Don't you understand? You won't understand no matter how i explain. Everything's in a mess. Have you found it? No. Search closely. Fei-hung, have you got it? No. Where has it gone? Finished! Finished if it can't be found. Tso. What are you doing? It's hot. l'm keeping cool over here. You've a good sense of humor. Tso. Where's that stone i ought back? What stone? What's this? i don't know. is it the one l ought back? i don't know. i've found it! You took it away while i was using it. Mr. Fu, you came from Beijing to Canton, and got back the jade seal. The jade seal is a Chinese Royal emblem. It mustn't be taken away by foreigners. Right you are. Sir. There have so far been over... ...a dozen Emperors in China. Missing one jade seal is not too serious. If you tolerate the plunder of a jade seal now, tomorrow he may... ...pull down the Great Wall. Then our children will have to go aboard... ...to see Chinese treasure. Don't you know why the Allies... ...invaded Beijing? To seize the large territory of China. Would they restain themselves... ...if you don't collect yourself? It's but natural that might wins. You won't win respect without spines. Anyone gets bulled if he bullies himself, understand? I do. Thanks for your guidance, sir. Come on, drink. Let's drink. What happened? Why so quiet? Right. They left without saying a word. Let me go and see if Tsan has come. Where's everybody in the street? Chop them, kill them! What a crowd. Fei-hung, you got first. I'll lead. Fei-hung, grasp it. Go, sir. How's the situation? No problem. We The Ax Gang... ...never miss. So much the better. Fei-hung. Come on! Sir. Undress. Undress now! OK. Catch! Follow me! After him! Run! What are you doing? No boat today. Why stand there? Go. Come quick! Sir. Stop chasing! Go. Sir. Sir. Sir. Help him up quick! Are you all right? Are you all right? Sir. Sir. Are you all right? Sir. Sir. Sir. The jade seal... Don't worry, sir, I'll get it back for you. We'll get it back for sure. Forget it. You can't beat them. Sir, hold on. I'll help you back to Po Chi Lam. My dad will treat you. Don't die. He'll help you for sure. Sir. Sir. Wake up! Sir. Sir. What's on your mind? Nothing. Tsan. Fei-hung. Why didn't you tell me you would come here? Neither did you. Have you found the jade seal? I'd have left if l had found it. Come. It's pitch dark. Have you ought fire? Yes. Light it quick! Welcome. You want to get back this. You really are too naive. I've already taken photos of you. Intrusion into a consulate means invasion. I can punish you any way l like. Kill us if you've the guts. Good. Do you understand what i said? Yes. We planned to buy the land... ...of Po Chi Lam, but failed. Now we've thrown out those boxers Right, Po Chi Lam has been in power for too long Now it's our turn. Send someone to Po Chi Lam, and tell him his son sneaked... ...into our consulate illegally. and see what he says. Only if he agrees to sell the land... ...of Sha Min to us cheap, we'll free his son. And we can sit back and relax. He really is foolhardy. A consulate is foreign territory. Any intruders are shot on sight. I'll go and talk... ...with them. Sit down! You think it's so easy? It's already vexing enough... ...to have a son captured. They merely wanted to be heroes. They're not criminals. It was all your fault. You taught him patriotism You lack the dignity of a mother. Are you blaming it on me? Try to do something, I beg you. I can't. Nor can i. The truth is obvious. The British are after the land of Sha Min. You mean giving it... ...away to them? If he wants to be a hero, let him, and don't take him for a son. If you won't help your son, I'll beg his mother to. Sister, your son's in trouble and now none wants to help him. Please show me your divine powers. Release them. OK, release them. Are you all right? Your mom's over there. Master Wong. Mom. They've beaten you badly. I'll be OK mom Auntie. Master, are you all right? Yes, only a few uises. Master, where are we moving to? What do you mean? Master Wong has sold the land in Sha Min. What? What has dad done? To help you, Master Wong did it. He sold the land... ...cheap to the consulate. Fei-hung, I covered up for you each time, but not now. You like to... ...butt in? I regret not having taken dad's advise. It's not too late for you to repent now. Learn a lesson... ...and forget the past. Take it as a lesson. Go back. When will they be sailing for HK? In 10 days. Have you completed production? No problem. Good. Close the factory... ...for the time being lay them off. After the shipment leaves, find cheaper workers. Yes. They always force us to work overtime. If we refuse, they beat us up. Now they dismiss us... ...without paying. and we have... ...to starve. There are no good foreigners. Tsan, what happened? Let's talk about that later. The one who hit us is the foreman... ...of the steel factory. Right. Tsan, forget it. The less trouble the better. What? That kid's cocky. He beat us if we refused to work OT. And he stops our work at will too. Look, they've promised us nothing. How could the factory have suddenly closed? I've lately noticed they've... ...been acting sneaky. They msut be up to no good. Fei-hung, what now? Go with Uncle Hing... ...see what's happened. Is there really something fishy? Then we'll try to do something, okay? Let's go. Looks valuable. Why's the curio hidden... ...in the steel for shipment. I'll go and tell them. Go quick. Go quick. Quick. Go quick. Go. This way. Get them! Run quick! Leave me alone! Shit! Young master, we're leaving. Go into hiding! Bye. Madam, we're leaving. Good, take care on the journey. Mind your belly. I will. Fei-hung. Dad. Keep on writing. You know what to do. I'll remember what you said. I'll visit the drought zone for a few days. Don't worry, leave everything to me. Take care now that... ...you're pregnant. I will. i must leave. Master, i want to have a word with you. If it's a boy, call him Wong Tai. Yes. lf its a girl, call her Wong Fei. OK. You're only 4 months' pregnant, still early. It may be premature. It's taboo. I'll be away for a few days only. Good. Fei-hung, remember. Yes. Master Wong, time to leave. Coming. I'll rein Fei-hung in. Take good care on the road. Come back early. Take care. You may come out. They really ship away the Chinese treasure. Wonder how Uncle Hing's. I've got him involved. Don't be silly. No Chinese would tolerate... ...seeing treasures being shipped away. What now, mom? Come with me. Mom, where are you going? Beat the bastard! Dad said... Madam, you're pregnant. Only 4 months, nothing serious. Auntie, we told Master Wong... ...nothing would happen to you. Right, that son of the bitch is lucky. Tell Fun to get helpers. Fine, I'm on my way. See you at the idgehead. Fei-hung, let's go. Come. We're leaving. Take care. Yes. If anything happens to me, take care of my dad. Daon't say things like that! One without ambitions... ...is not my worthy son! I'm Going. Fei-hung. Don't ever come back if you get beaten. Yes, mom. Protest unreasonable closure, demand reasonable compensation! Protest unreasonable closure, demand reasonable compensation! Don't get carried away What are you doing here? Go away! Hand over the treasure or we won't let you go Bullshit! Bullshit Fuck You Hand over Uncle Hing quickly... ...or we'll get nasty. So what? Throw them out! Don't move! Don't shoot! Fei-hung, come and rescue Uncle Hing! Come on! Fei-hung. Don't. Go and rescue Uncle Hing. I know where he is. Good. Keep an eye on him. Wong Fei-hung's rushing in! Stop him! Yes. Wait. Don't you know what you're doing? He's helping foreigners ship away... ...China's treasure. Why help him? State treasure? What about our empty stomachs? Others will do it if they don't. I won't let you do it. Have you got the guts? We saw through... ...you, when we beat you. Didn't that consulate beating hurt enough? I want to try it again. Fine, I'll get you carried away horizontally. Too much talk. Go kill him. Act! Act! Come on! Finish him off! Come on! Drag him over, quick! Drunken boxing. Just so-so. Come on. I can also use my fists. Water floats but also capsizes boats Now you are beyond help Jump to it Damn you Mr. Wong, thank your son for his efforts... ...to protect a national antique. You really are a good father. General, we might as well tell you. Master taught Fei-hung... ...drunken boxing. Really? So your drunken boxing is even more powerful? Yes, thank you. Like father like son. Where's Fei-hung? General, to demonstrate his boxing, Fei-hung wrongly drank industrial... ...alcohol affecting his eyes. But the doctor said it can be treated. He's so active, he'll be sorry if he can't see anything. This is only a temporary symptom. Over here. Take photos. Let's go in to see him. Good, good. Please, please. Hang it up. He's here. What's he doing? Practicing blind boxing. Master, The doctor said..said.... He said the alcohol not only ruined his eyes, but his ain too. Subs Edited By Ghost

CHINA 859 A.D. After 241 years of prosperity, the Tang Dynasty is in decline. The Emperor is weak and incompetent. His government, crippled by corruption, no longer controls the land. Unrest sweeps the country. Village by village, an underground alliance forms... 'The House of Flying Daggers'. Based in Feng Tian County, near the Imperial Capital, The House Of Flying Daggers moves in the shadows, Stealing From the rich to give to the poor, they earn the support and admiration of the people. At the same time, they are feared and hated by their bitter rivals... the local deputies, Captain Leo, Captain Jin. We're heading out on patrol. We're going to be busy again. The Provincial Office has given us ten days to catch the new leader of the 'Flying Daggers'. What? It took us three months to assassinate their old leader. Ten days? Impossible. Have you heard of the new Peony Pavilion? Yes. Does anyone know you there? No, I haven't been there yet. Good, now's your chance. Any information? We suspect one of the showgirls is a member of the 'Flying Daggers'. OK, I'll check it out. Pull. Pull harder. Pull harder. That's it. I'm done. Madam! I'm coming. Madam. Here I am. What can I do for you, sir? I heard you have a new girl. You're well informed. Is she pretty? She's quite a beauty. Bring her to me. There is one thing you need to know. What's that? The girl is blind. Blind? Then she must be special. I'm curious. How did you lose your sight? I was born blind. Why would a blind girl work here? Why can't a blind girl work here? You're right. What's your name? Mei. Mei? Every girl here is named after a flower. Why is yours so plain? I don't want to compete with those girls. What do you mean? The flowers here can hardly be called flowers. Real flowers bloom in the wilderness. Well said. If you impress me I'll take you to where the real flowers grow. What's your talent as the top showgirl? Dancing. Come closer. Don't you know the rules? A rare beauty in the North. She's the finest lady on earth. A glance from her, the whole city goes down. A second glance leaves the nation in ruins. There exists no city or nation that has been more cherished than a beauty like this. A rare beauty in the North. She's the finest lady on earth. A glance from her, the whole city goes down. A second glance leaves the nation in ruins. There exists no city or nation that has been more cherished than a beauty like this. Please calm down, sir. Go away. What's the matter? Please let me explain. This girl is young and inexperienced. Please forgive her. Take her away. Go away. Take her away. Stop! Captain. This is the Captain of the County. To hell with the captain! Outrageous! Arrest him. Let me go. Who are you? How dare you! I'm the captain. You're drunk and indecently dressed. Arrest both of them. Get your hands off me. Let me go. Please spare the girl, Captain. That man was drunk. It was not her fault. Please don't arrest her. Our business is new. I rely on her to ing in guests. How can a blind girl be a top showgirl? Move! She's a dancer with rare skills. Please see for yourself. Do you know the 'Echo Game'? I played it once... All right. Perform well and I'll let you go. Thank you, Captain. Go and change quickly. Fantastic. Excellent! Who are you, really? Why do you want to kill me? Government running dogs... I wish to kill all of you! I do enjoy fighting a blind girl. We found this in her room. You're a member of the 'Flying Daggers'. Who's the new leader? Where's the new leader? I'll show you what we'll do if you don't answer. Show her! In front of you is a torture device. Your head will be put here. Your shoulder, here. Your back, here. Your legs, here. You'll never dance again after this. Do you understand? You have one day to think it over. This girl reminds me of someone. Who? Rumor has it, the old leader's blind daughter disappeared after his death. It was a heavy blow to the 'Flying Daggers'. They vowed revenge for their loss, while searching for the girl. Why would the old leader's daughter end up in a othel? Who owns the Peony Pavilion? Perhaps the 'Flying Daggers' has realized we were responsible for their old leader's death. Forget it. Let's turn her over for a reward, and then go out for a drink. I have a better idea. Since we have some clues, let's follow them through for a bigger reward. Do you want me to do it? Of course, who else? All right. This girl is a rare beauty. You know I love flirting with girls. Don't let beauty blind your judgment. If I die under a skirt, I can still flirt as a ghost. Who are you? I undressed you only yesterday. Have you forgotten me already? Why did you rescue me? Why do you think? You're an exquisite flower. I'll do anything to help you. Control yourself. Don't worry. I'm no longer a guest of the Peony Pavilion. You're not a showgirl anymore. You're the daughter of the old leader. What did you say? How many blind girls know martial arts and carry daggers like these? I've rescued you, and your daggers as well. Why did you take such a risk? I hate the corrupt government and admire the 'Flying Daggers'. Much obliged. Why did we abandon the horses? Hoof prints can be easily tracked. I have two new horses hidden ahead. You've planned well. What's your name, Master? Just call me Wind. Wind? I wander around all alone, come and go without a trace. Like a carefree wind? No, a playful wind. You like to tease. I wonder what you look like? That's easy to find out. Here. Please let go. This isn't the Peony Pavilion. No rules here. You'll know what I look like if you touch my face. Come on. It's not respectful to touch your face first. You prefer to start at the bottom. That's fine with me. You've mastered the flying technique. Your right hand is skilled with a machete. Your left hand is powerful with a bow and arrow. Your heart beats steadily, you seem sincere. You can read me like a book. You're a ave man. I'm never shy around women. You're young, indeed. You know how to hold your drink. The soldiers are approaching. I've lost my dagger pouch. I'm sorry I was late. The 'Flying Daggers' are always moving. Where should we go? We just keep heading north. Just head north? They will come to us. The 'Flying Daggers' has many masters. Why did they send you as an assassin? No one sent me. I came alone. As the old leader's daughter, you should be more cautious. Have you considered the consequences? I'll do anything to avenge my father. Come here. These are men's clothes. Put them on for now. I won't take advantage of you. Have you seen enough? Please hand me the clothes. You knew I was here? Master Wind wanders like the wind. I'd expect you to be anywhere. You look different in men's clothes. Do I look awful? I will tell all the girls to wear men's clothes the next time I visit the Peony Pavilion. Now I know you're not shy around women. You're not shy either. How do you know? You knew I was watching you bathe, yet you said nothing. You saved my life. You can look all you please. I thought you were hot as fire. In fact, you're cool as water. I don't know you well enough. I really care for you. A playboy like you, are you ever for real? What if I am this time? Are our men close by? I'm sure today's fighting has fooled Mei. Our men will ease off from now on. Good. That'll save me some arrows. Any clues? Not yet. Don't let her see through you. Don't worry. I never fail at seducing a woman. She trusts me. I warn you, don't fall for her. What do you mean fall? Fall into bed? Like her father, she must be very cunning. Don't let her fool you. Don't be absurd. I'm in control. I have to get back now. Don't turn a game into reality and ruin our plan. Who cares, as long as the plan works. Shall we rest for a while? I smell flowers. You told me you'd ing me to where real flowers grow. Which is the most beautiful? How do I look? Pretty as a flower. Soldiers are approaching. I'm on your side. You? I am a Captain of the County. A captain? Nonsense. You are the bastard who oke the jail. You're wounded. Is it serious? No. Was it someone from the 'Flying Daggers'? It's not likely. Then who? I don't know. He's gone. I guess he doesn't want to reveal himself. This time, I believe that you're for real.

You've done enough for me. Please leave. Don't worry about me. We've come this far. I can't leave you now. I hope you're not seriously wounded. We agreed there would be no more fights. Why did government soldiers turn up? The general sent them. They don't know you. The general? How did the general get involved? This case is important. I had to report it. The general is taking over. The soldiers didn't have to be that aggressive. The general ordered it. He said we need real blood to draw the 'Flying Daggers' out. Even if the blood is mine? Jin, the soldiers' lives and our lives are worth nothing to him. You don't know how I felt as I killed our own men. I feel worse. I am tortured. You? I truly regret taking on this mission. I've followed you all the way. Endured many sleepless nights. My heart grows heavy when I think about what lies ahead. Is there no other way to do this? The general said: It's the only way to expose the 'Flying Daggers'. Jin, you should know, there are more soldiers ahead. What! The general sent them. They don't know you either. You must stop them. There is nothing I can do. The order given to these soldiers is 'Fight to kill'. If you don't kill them they will kill you. Take care. I quit! Where have you been? I have a question for you. What question? Are you for real? What do you mean? Do you feel anything for me? Don't take this so seriously. I want to know. I'm a free spirit, like the wind, always moving. The wind never thinks too much. I want the wind to stop and think. The wind cannot stop. Not even for me? The wind eezes through without a trace. Now you understand why I'm called Wind. Fine, go and be the wind. I don't need you anymore! I don't care if you're true or not, I have to leave. I want to end this. Are you going alone? I'd like to be the wind for once. Where will you go? Who knows. Whichever way the wind blows. Aren't you going back to the 'Flying Daggers? Do you want me to go back? I've left them, why would I return? Thank you for all you've done for me. It's you. Go. You said the wind could not stop. A playful wind stops at will. You shouldn't have come back. I came back, for you. Nia! Mei, you're back. Who will believe the madam of Peony Pavilion is the leader of the Flying Daggers! I behaved badly that day. Please forgive me. Did I look like a real madam? Very much so. What do you think of Mei? What do you mean? I mean her personality, of course. She's passionate. Go on. She may be blind, but she's very ight. Hardly anyone can match her. Not even I. Do you care for her? You are asking...? A man and a girl traveling all alone, what else could I be talking about? Mei is a rare beauty. I care for her a lot. Then, I shall act as the matchmaker for you two to marry. Marriage is a big deal. This is too sudden. She's not a good match for you? On the contrary. Mei is from a respectable family. I'm just a humble swordsman. Our old leader loved his daughter dearly. Now I've become the new leader, it's my duty to find her a good husband. I haven't been able to find anyone within the 'Flying Daggers' who would be a better choice than you. What do you say? I accept your offer. Our House is much obliged to you. You've done us a great favour. Please accept my gratitude. With much pleasure. What is going on? Where are our soldiers? They were ambushed. You were both plotting to catch me by following Mei. You're not blind? Are you the old leader's daughter? He has a blind daughter. She doesn't know martial arts, so I pretended to be her. If you had known the truth, would you have followed her here? It's all been an act. Who are you, really? My name is Mei. I'm just one of many girls in the House of Flying Daggers. That's enough. Take him out. You wait here. I want to finish him off myself. Move. Stop. Do you have anything to say? You're not Nia, the new leader. You're right. Of course I'm not Nia. Nia wouldn't show herself so easily. Who are you then? That is not important. Nia sent me to finish this matter. You've done a good job, Leo. We've never met before, but I know you by reputation. Three years ago, we planted you as a mole in the government. You've accomplished much in that role. I failed to protect our old leader from being assassinated. Nia knew that you were away on duty. There was nothing you could do. I'm grateful for her understanding. We need to win this battle against the government troops. You and Mei have successfully set up a trap for the general. Well done. I'll report to Nia and have you rewarded. It's my duty. Please tell Nia the general has led all his best soldiers towards us. Be careful. Don't worry. Nia has a good plan. There is one thing I don't understand. What's that? Who sent Mei on this mission? Nia did. Has Nia ever considered my feelings? What do you mean? I haven't seen Mei for three years. Now I have to watch her flirt with another man. It's not the first time Mei's used her beauty to aid our cause. I've heard about your feelings for her. Do you still love her? We're facing a battle that will decide the fate of the 'Flying Daggers'. The troops are closing in. This is not the time for love. All right. I will let you see Mei. You haven't changed. I'm still Mei. It's been three years. Finally, we're alone together. I know. You saved me during the battle with the soldiers. Thank you. You don't need to thank me. I would do anything for you. I know. You've risked everything going undercover to win honour and to impress me. You're the only one who understands me. I was all alone for three years. You were in my mind every single moment. My love for you was all I had to keep me going. Do you love him? You knew the plan. It was only an act between you and him. There is no future for you two. Do you understand? Nia! You can't force a woman against her will. Do not pull this dagger out. I'm sending you back to keep spying for us. You will be more convincing with a dagger in your back. You must leave immediately. Yes, Ma'am. I have sacrificed three years for you. How could you love Jin after just three days? Mei, I also have a task for you. Jin is of no use to us anymore. Take him out and kill him. Leo plays a crucial role for us. We can't let Jin ruin our plan. You must kill him to prevent any future trouble. You know our rules. Yes, Ma'am. I left you in order to save your life, but you still followed me. Please don't blame me. If your plan succeeded many in the 'Flying Daggers' would die. You wouldn't let me go either. It would be me on my knees, waiting to die. You're right. If I won, I wouldn't let you go. Go. How will you explain this to Nia? That's my business. Why don't you come with me? Deep in your heart, you have a secret. I guess there is a man you find hard to leave behind. Yes, a man who's saved my life many times. Was it he who helped us in the last battle? Yes. Then he has saved my life too. Do you still love him? When can we see each other again? We cannot. We belong to two opposing sides. If we meet again, one of us will have to die. A decisive battle is imminent. You and I are just pawns on a chessboard. Nobody cares if we live or die. Let's go away together and roam the world, as free as the wind. We'll wander around alone. Come and go without a trace, like a playful wind. No, a carefree wind. Just you and me. Come with me, please. Are you going with him? Why? You're the love of my life. You don't have to love me, but you can never go with him. Otherwise you'll die. Mei, you've forced me to kill you. I knew you would do this. You knew and you went anyway. Why? Why did you go? Why did you go? Why? To be free... like the wind. Mei. Mei! Mei. Turn... What? Turn... Turn around? Look behind you. You're a member of the 'Flying Daggers'. You're right. You're the one who loves Mei? Yes, I love her truly, while you are only playing a game. If you love her, why kill her? It's all your fault. My fault? I warned you but you wouldn't listen. If I can't have her, no one will. She has betrayed me because of you. You must die! Fine. You kill Mei, you must die too! Mei. Let him go. If you kill him, I'll kill you with this dagger. Mei! Don't pull the dagger out! If you do your blood will drain and you will die. You must not do it! Mei, I'm closer to him. He will hit me first. You cannot save me with your dagger. Mei! Mei! You shouldn't have come back... I came back for you, my love... A rare beauty in the North. She's the finest lady on earth. A glance from her, the whole city goes down. A second glance leaves the nation in ruins. There exists no city or nation that has been more cherished than a beauty like this.

In the early regime of Kang-Hsi in the Ching dynasty, emperor Hsuan-Hua was too young to rule the country. So 4 regents were appointed to help him. Among them, Ao-Bye was the most cruel, threatened the emperor in order to call the shots. And persecute men of letters. So eight nobles hated him very much. Especially, Chang Chin Nan, the chief ofthe Tien-Dee Association. Day and night, he thought about how to kill him. Killing atmosphere! Lord, it's the Tien-Dee Association. Stop! Your Kung-Fu is second to none, my Lord. You're asking for death. I have my orders to. Arrest the head of clan-Chang Chin Nan. Yes! Ha-Da-Fu kneel to Your Majesty. Stand! Yes! How's the plan going? Chiefs of seven banners ordered me to tell Your Majesty. They'll arrive at Li Chun House on time. What's your opinion on this? Your Majesty! Ao-Bye covered the White Banner and Led them to oppress your other subjects. They hate him. Yet, Ao-Bye has so many members that they dared not stir against him. This time, Your Majesty, you went outside to discuss how to deal with him with seven chiefs. They thank for your blessing. This is a big case. I went out in plain clothes to discuss this with them. It's not a good thing to appear here. Listen carefully. Except for the seven chiefs, all who know of this must die. I'm an adult. I don't want to be controlled like a puppet. Your Majesty, you're very wise! Look! They are so pretty! Girls, up stairs, down stairs, come to see our guests. Go away! Thank you for coming so close. Standing so straight to me is a kind of respect. Today, my topic is the general chief of the TDA-Chang Chin Nan. People say it's useless to be here without seeing Chang Chin Nan. He is 8 feet tall. And his waist is 8 feet, too! Wow! A square? Square is square. It's real! People are different. There is even an octagonman! His Kung-Fu is called, God afraid, flashing palm. One push of the hand, and within hundred of miles! People, animals, shrimp crabs fleas, of all kinds, all become dust. Yet, it's hard to find him. But, accidentally, I saw half his face. using a saw or Not, there's no use seeing half a face! That's right! Jerk! He covered the other half! You heard the song With Balloon-guitar to shelter half-face? You didn't go to school. Pig! Although I just saw his half-face, but gave my heart at once. Immediately, I cut a chicken's head, burned yellow paper, and became his other. You, shut up! S.O.B. What're you talking about? They wouldn't call girls! They're willing to Iisten my story. And to call girls is harmful for health. There's a good thing. Good thing? Your sister is a prostitute, too. No one dare call her that, you eat shit! It's good for health. Keep it for yourself! For me? I'll settle you! Thanks! Blind! Why are you so upset? Sorry! Sir. Please don't mind. Little S.O.B. Stay! You apologize first! Me? You need fists? Help! Someone is sick! Find someone to help him. Someone! Call for my sister! Who's your sister? the love making candidate in town! The most beautiful woman, Wei-Chun-Hua. I'm shy! It's mess here. Waste no time here. Seven chiefs wait for us upstairs. It's him! He is sick! What's the condition? Let me see. Where? Is he dead? lf he is, throw him out. Don't make this place dirty! Who? It's not easy to die. It's Tun-Men-Chi. Dead or not, I have no idea. It's easy. Lift him! For what? According to my experience, if man is sick, take a hairpin, hit the spine point! Then it will bounce out. Lift his ass. I was almost hit by the stick. Don't watch! Go away! Don't move! Stay! What's up? All stand still! We're going to arrest Chang-Chin-Nan. Search! Yes! Your Majesty! What happened? Four men with great Kung-Fu were here looking for Ao-Bye. For me? I don't think so. What are you up to do? Who knows where Chang-Chin-Nan is? Him! Here he is. I'm just telling the story, guys. Take him back for investigation. Don't kill innocent people. I'm Chang-Chin-Nan. You? ChiefJou, take the chance to go! Chief General, see these dogs? They won't scare us away! You see? Great! Stop talking! Follow me! Go to hell! Oh dear! Don't be afraid! I come to rescue you. Please follow me. Climb into there. Where? The hole for dogs. Even me? No way! They saw I rescued you, they won't dream that we'll turn back. Heroes know when to bow to circumstances. Life is the most important thing. Hurry up! What happened to the Greenwood party chief? Dead! I'll fetch water to clean your eyes. No! Lime will become hot and burn my eyes. What should I do? Use vegetable oil! OK! I'll take it. Wait! You... Anything? I'm Hai-Da-Fu. Eunuch General in Palace. Oh, Lord Hai, l... I have the Emperor's order here. Evacuate all soldiers here. Yes! The order is that we cooperate to defeat Ao-Bye. Yes. Lord Hai! Your Majesty! How's everything? All evacuated. Your Majesty may go back. Fine. The Lord ordered us to evacuate. Fine! Go! They left. Well, I've got to go, too. It's ok. But take him with you. For everyone knows that he saved your life. This is to prevent trouble. Hero Chang! I admire you! Please accept me as your apprentice. You? He saved your life. I should reward him, right? If you don't want, I'll kick him out! To prevent being killed for his sake. Is that right? It's dangerous to a be member of TDA, will you regret it? When, you teach me the best kung-fu, I won't be afraid. What's your name? Wei-Shew-Bao. You are my apprentice. Thanks... After paying money, killing the chicken and burning the yellow paper, You will become a member of the TDA. I enroll you into the Greenwood. We have 10 Party Principles and 20 Disciplines. 30 strict rules, 80 loose rules. If you commit one of them, even if you are my apprentice. You still have to suffer 81 knife stabs! Don't fuss about it! One is enough. Nonsense. Stand up! The Greenwood Chiefwas killed by Ao-Bye. We should follow the Chief's will to kill him. And kick the Emperor and his subjects out of this country. Restore Ming dynasty! Anti-Ching, For-Ming! I have a dangerous task for someone. And expect a volunteer! What task? To steal 42 Chapter Classic from the Palace. In that book, there is a vital secret. If we know that secret, we can restore the Ming dynasty. All the citizens' property can be regained. And we can disconnect the dragon's figure. Then, their days are numbered. We can restore our country quickly. So, I'll appoint someone to steal it. Yet, it's hard almost suicidal. People who don't want to go, please sit down. You took half and I the other half! Bao, you justjoined in TDA and want to take credit. OK! I allow you to. But the truth is that, the chair... A promise is a promise. Do you know eaking your word and disregarding loyalty to friends eak the Eighth Party Principle? The punishment is to cut one of your hand and leg. Is this the TDA, or a place to fool people around? Come in with me. Bao. You are smart. I can use an intelligent way to talk to you, but not to them. I don't understand. Most of the intellectual and reasonable men are government officials now. So, to fight against Ching subjects, we should use slow people. To them, you cannot tell the truth. Use religion to amaze them. Make them believe, whatever they do is for a righteous cause. So, Anti-Ching, For-Ming is just a slogan. Just like Amen. They oppress us, robbed our money and women from us. So, overthrow Ching dynasty. To get the money and women back, right? To restore the Ming dynasty or not is none of my beeswax! OK! We are all smart. Understand and continue! To sum up, if we succeed we'll have countless money and women. Are you willing to go? Yes. But you said it's a suicidal task it really scares me! I can teach you the best Kung-Fu in the world. Such a big book? I think it would take months to practice it. It's just the catalogue. That pile over there the secret book. Wow! It would take at least one year to read it! I read for 3 years, practiced for 30 years. And become what I am. 30 years? How much time do I have left then? One night! One night to practice? That's demented! No! After read it, sure win. But if you don't, fated to die. What's up? You go as an underground operative. Maybe will meet our members. I have a mark for you. I will tattooed Anti-Ching, For-Ming on your foot. Tenderly...OK! Ching Ming. The other. Again? Later! The other words. I'll tattoo myself. Is that ok? Don't forget! Or you'll be killed by our people, that's not worth it. Bao, you go to the palace to apply to be an errand boy, There is someone to pick you up. The gesture is to wink. Wow! The line is long! When it's my turn, I may die. Why does no one line up here? Brother, is this also the registration stand? Yes! Come in! OK! Thanks! What kind of bed is it? Why do you tie me up? To be an eunuch, you have to castrate. Castrated of course, you have to be! Who wants to be an eunuch? You, Of course! Your mother wants to be that! I'm applying to be errand boy. We're short handed. It's promising. And it has a lot of advantages. We are on the same boat. No kidding. Who's kidding? Believe me! I'm really applying for that. That way! You let me go, and I line up there. Sorry to bother you. Anyway, no one goes out without being shipped. Forget it! Hold him. I'm going to snip. Stop! Stop that! Don't snip now. Lord Ah! No way! Why not? Castrate him. Then he can't walk for two months. But I need workers. Give him to me. I'll ing him to palace. I'll castrate him at palace. But... But what? Untie him! Sorry! A mistake. We met before right? If there's any opportunity be my guest at night. You want to run? Kuei can change clothes with him. And you can't use your real name. I'll call you Chun. Don't call me Chun! Chun! ln the palace, the soldiers patrol very strictly. Five steps a stop, ten steps, stop again. So, you can't walk around. Or you will be decapitated. Understand? Are you afraid? No! Then, why are you holding on to me? I think you liked it. Sorry! Kuei! Lamp! Yeah! What's up? This way my Lord? No! I admine your dark glasses! Not bad! You know how to appreciate things? A little bit. You are so handsome, and promising. That beard, it's so creative. Without these, you're still cool. You're kidding, Chun! I dare not! This bunch are phony. Eunuch is not a complete man. This fake beard could give me a little respect. What are you up to? My Lord! What is that in the glass? Penis! Penis? This one is a deer's! This a Tiger's! This a cow's! Wow! This must be an elephant's! No! A human being's. I was only a baby when I was snipped. Wow! Yours is so big! Wish I had one. When I polished it, I put it in the wrong place. That's the one, this is a turnip. Let me have a look. I can't see anything! Use this, you can see more clearly. I see it! Wow! So delicate! I was snipped when I was one. Really something. I think the one who snipped for you is really something. Good eyesight! Everyone's penis is in Penis' Room. I'm afraid of losing it. So, I put it here. Don't worry! I'll keep an eye on it. Want to pee! Lord! You stand to pee or squat? What did you say? I think you'll lie flat on the ground. Have to line up just to pee? Who cares? You don't mind peeing together, do you? You're the first person who pees and bleeds at the same time. What kind of kung-fu are you practicing? You're so powerful your pigtail has become straight. There... What? Many... Many corpses. How do you know? How do you know my pigtail has turned straight? I've got eyes to see. Aren't you blind? Who told you I'm blind? No one did. If the eunuchs were not all dead, I wouldn't make this exception. To let you come in without being snipped. Tonight, you and Kuei go to the Queen Mother's room, find out something important for me. My Lord, spare my life! Everyone goes into her palace and next morning, they will be found dead in the garden. All their veins frozen! Please spare my life. Please! Don't be a chicken like that. I'm a new comer. I can refuse. But you worked here for so long. Want to escape? You couldn't. Lord! Don't worry! I'll persuade him. Let him go alone. Real! lfyou don't want to go, I'll hit you. Lord! I got hurt. I want to take leave for two days. Tonight, I can't go. Kuei! You thought, to use this method, to escape? die! Not go: die, too! I have to fight! De-bone palm! Want to run? Yet, my Lord, you don't have to flush. You can hit him at such a long distance. You're really good. Your Kung-Fu is better than mine. What's the matter? What happened? De-bone palm? I hit you twice, too. I couldn't dream about this! What are you doing? I was hit by his palm. My bone softened. That's a slow one. Slow? You see your left hand. After that green air passes your elbow, your bones will eak completely. But, at least, you have one more month to live. Lord! There's no grudge between us. Why did you do this? If you find the thing for me in her palace, then, I'll cure this. Aaargh! That palm again. This is not that palm. What do you want me to do? Steal 42 Chapter Classic! 42 Chapter Classic? No more talking! Go right away! Don't be afraid. There is her Ts-Nin palace. Now, she must pray to Buddha, at Shang-Ha Palace. It takes at least 2 hours. You have enough time. After fetching it, hand that to me at once. If she comes back at once, what should I do? I'll protect you. Get down. It's so high. How to get down? Use my palm to send you there. It'll be OK. It's really OK. What a coincidence. Welcome the Queen Mother back. So quick! The Queen Mother is quite well. Queen Mother! Since you feel sick, I'll help you to change clothes. See! It's not easy to get it. Let me try! Take off! Wow! She has Kung-Fu? It's impossible! So easy to get it. You damn eunuch. You want to steal? What's your name? You don't know me? New here? Yes. Sir, may I have your title? Sir? Who do you think I am? So, you're an eunuch, too? Yes. Don't monkey around. We're all friends. Give it back. I won't! If you won't, I'm going to punch you. Even if you give it to me now, I'll still punch you! You sleazeball! I'm going to kill you! Help! Brother! Don't run! Nothing! Just an accident. Stop! Don't run! Help! Someone's chasing me! Who are you? It's none of your business! What's up? Don't think I'm scared because there are two of you! Hand it down to me quickly. If you have the guts, come here. If you have the guts, come up to take it. Who is his direct supervisor? Let me tell him to punish him. No! He is ajerk! He thinks both of us as real eunuchs. Really? And usually, when they see us, they are just like chickens. But not him. He hit me with all he could! If you have the guts, come here. I'll punch you! Must be a trap! I'm not stupid! If you are a man, come down and fight. You like to fight? No! But someone likes me to beat him. How do you want to fight? I have three rules. First, you can't hit my face. Second, we can only hit your face. What a cunning eunuch. Stop. What now? He took my book. I'll fight with you after he returns the book. It's painful... Did you take his things? No, I didn't. Beat him up now. You've got it in your hand and you deny it. I'll return with more people. You'll know you're wrong then. My master is powerful. You'll lose your blood just by a sneezing. Who's your master? That's because in your life time, you didn't see Chang...Lord, it's sad to be a hero. Ha-Da-Fu. Lord-Hai. He's your master? You're too scared to laugh. Isn't it funny? Yes. But his Kung-Fu is rather poor. I think... You don't have to write a letter to apologize. Anyway, you can just surrender and give it back. Call it a day. Tomorrow, continue. If you can win tomorrow I'll give it back to you. And give you another one. You have one? Of course. Its boring! I don't know its usage. Brother. In the Queen Mother's palace there is a eunuch who is close to you in terms of age and gung-fu. Yes, I've experienced many hard times. Now he took away the 42 Chapter Classic. And I have to fight with him tomorrow. He'll give it back to me but only if I can beat him. Another slap. How dare you lie to me after my slapping you. No, he hit me again after I mentioned your name. And he gave you a letter. This eunuch is funny, but his kung fu is terrible. Please teach him the best kung-fu. So that I can keep him company. Remember, don't ever punish him. And don't ever treat him badly. And listen to him. Don't disobey. Or, I'll be unhappy. What? ls that OK? Lord Chun. What kind of Kung-Fu do you want to practice? See what he looked like. Does he owe someone money? Want to practice? Then De-Bone Palm is OK. OK! If you practice for 30 to 50 years, you may succeed. Wow! Why does it take hundreds of years to practice great Kung-Fu? From even half of it, I will die. You are kidding, I couldn't even melt phlegm! That's right! And it is too powerful. I'm afraid of hurting you... What? The atmosphere here. Then, what's your best technique. Show me so that I can choose. OK! What are you doing? I'm starving! Fetch something for me. You use this to carry dung? You look tired, change to a lighter one. It's really something. Help me! Thanks. You sleazeball! One is big and one is small. How it be shown publicly? Change! Flying up and down isn't interesting! You aren't a child! You saw I was eating hot-pot but you still knocked these leaves down, you made me angry! Chun! You're picky. What are you up to? You asked me to practice Kung-Fu. What do you want to do? Want to run away? You're really bothering me. Go to hell! Wait! What? What's that movement called? Without fail heart-piercing hand. Without fail east-catching hand? What? I'm a cultivated person. I'll learn this. This one? Even with no sleep, I'll practice. Fine. Where did you learn this? None of your business. Usually, I use this on women. I think you are a good man, I make an exception to let you know its greatness. Brother! You are lousy today. You couldn't win. Don't come here. He's playing seriously. Definitely, it will snap here! Watch yourself. No face-beating. But you seized my east! So what? You don't make a living with them. Or my face. You are an eunuch. So glib. So mean. You are not an eunuch? Only the Emperor has this! Who do you think you are? What can be said now? Are you surrendering or not? Let go... Surrender or not? I surrender. I win. Your gung-fu is so bad. What? It's painful, don't do that. You want me to grab you. How's that... Of course it's painful. Why do you have... You said only the Emperor has... The Emperor... Your Majesty, Auo-Bye ask for permission to see you. What should I do now? This old turkey! He dares to enter my study directly. He's going too far! Take him aside! Hurry! Hurry! Hide! Under there! Subject Ao-bye knees to Your Majesty! Your Majesty. Stand! Thank Your Majesty. Why do you and the other subjects want to meet me? Please give an order to arrest Sony! Ao, he and you are appointed to be the four assistant subjects. He's a credit to the country, why arrest him? For he committed a terrible crime! The citizens complain about that! The defence department isn't satisfied with what he did. If let him get away with it, the outrage is going to be hard to pacify. So we ask Your Majesty to do it. Please let us have your command. No evidence! I couldn't do it. My words are evidence! I control so many soldiers. My words are powerful. Wave the flag, then chop the head! You think I'm a liar? Even if I lied to you, do you think they'll lie to you, too? Have a second thought. I'll consider it. People live poor lives, Please waste no time. I need... Your Majesty! Your Majesty! I work for you. You... He's Ao-Bye? Yes. So rude? Yes. What are you doing? I'm not a woman. I know. And you're not a man, either. Don't fiddle with it! Who's that? It's me! An eunuch! Why you hide there? You guess! Aides! Pull him out to be beheaded! No! No! Why not? He is my confidential subordinate! Confidential subordinate! I haven't heard about that? You talked to His Majesty so loudly, you want to go to hell? Your Majesty! You see me! He goes too far! What's your name? How old are you? Where do you work? Don't look! Speak! Why are you all standing up? Kneel! What are you looking for? Speak! Your Majesty! I don't care who he is, I want you to make the command to arrest Sony. Why listen to you? His Majesty has his plan! You don't have to nag! Basically, Sony didn't pay for his meals, flirted with old woman and seduced your wife, we know that. Baloney! I haven't finished! Actually, I'm a inside man! Yes. Golden lnside Man. Especially, around you! To watch Sony and his colleagues appear. You, maybe, are in the same group so that you want to kill him so urgently! Baloney! I control millions of soldiers. Do I have to? What? Go on! Threats to His Majesty! You all heard! Threats His Majesty! No! No! His Majesty and I heard that. That's contempt. Aides! Pull him out to behead him! Wait! I think you are all right, I'll give you a chance. You go! I'll kill you! Thank you, but it's not your business. Everybody has to die if the Emperor wants them to die. But I don't know if you'll die first or I'll die first. Auo-Bye, I know how to deal with Sony. I will give you gifts tomorrow. You and other officials can leave now. Auo-Bye, we'll leave first. What a young hero. Your Majesty, I'll leave now. Brother. This time Chun's aver than you were. You were so scared. We all depend on you. No need to mention it. I grabbed Your Majesty by mistake. Please forgive me, Your Majesty. You didn't do it on purpose. Thank you, Your Majesty. Chun is funny, would you offer Chun to me? Stop fooling around. I need capable men to help me now. You are clever and ave, do you want to serve me? It's my pleasure. Good, now you are my spy. Yes. You have to spy on Auo-Bye and Ha-Da-Fu. Lord Ha. Ha-Da-Fu is an important person. He's been acting strangely lately. He may have some evil plot. Moreover, he dislikes the Queen Mother. You have to follow him closely and let me know what he's up to. Yes. Our relationship and what happened today, Should only be known by three of us. If you let the cat out of the bag, your head will be on the ground. Yes. If it is her? The same. Your Majesty is just. I worship Your Majesty heartily. Whenever I call for you, see me at once. Help me to spy on those wicked persons. Yeah! Watch me by the way. This is called Old Tree Roots, I turn over to control his under part. He looks back. Then a Lion steals peaches suddenly. The is Monkey steals peaches, right? Lion wouldn't. It doesn't eat fruit. No interrupting. Sleazeball! That Lion steals peaches didn't work well. I stole nothing. Just got a bunch of hair. Guess why? Is that the hair at armpit? No! Baloney! You think you are the first one to stir up fighting? I'm prepared. Besides De-bone palm, I have other sorts of Kung-Fu that you don't know. De-fry leg! Where are the 42 Chapter Classics? I forgot where I put them. Did the green air pass your elbow? Soon...lfyou heal me from this hurt! I maybe, can think about it. Want to play dirty? Who is that? Lord Hai! Queen Mother told us to come here. I was sick and so I couldn't welcome you outside. Are there any bids? Queen Mother asked Chun to come over. Did Chun do anything wrong? No more talking! Ask him out. We have to take him back. Why is she looking for you? For I'm a lady-killer. Fine! There is a powder bag. Put it into her tea or wine if you get the chance. It's dangerous! I'll cover you secretly. Go! Another one again! Are you Chun? Yes. The Queen Mother wants to see me? Please lead me there. I didn't say I won't go. What're you up to? Rape me! But don't kill me! Why killing? ls it right? Did she know my secret - No snipping? If she does, oh, fudge! Who is that? You...? You don't recognize me? Try! Try! You think you can escape me for my other didn't give you to me? I could ask Mother's maids to catch you. Mother? Queen Mother is... My mother. My other is the Emperor. You are... Seeing Jian-Ning Princess, you should kneel. Too late. You show contempt to me. Behead him! Don't be so impulsive. I'm bound, I can't move! I don't care! Behead him! Dig out your eyes or cut your nose? Or snip that? If you ask my opinion, let me free first. Then, do whatever you like. Try to make yourself look cool. Not necessary. I always am. Then the ugliest one, just like Y.C Chu! No! It's impossible for me. Or the sexiest one. No! Have a look in the mirror. You are. Me? It's fun. Okay, I'll let you get out. You pretend to be a tortoise. Sorry, I don't know how to be a tortoise. Why? It's my principle. Okay, I'll have to hit you then. Alright, I'll be a tortoise. Now I don't want that now. Laugh... Stop. Keep on laughing... I'd rather be a tortoise now. It's fun. Then... Trust me. Pretend to be a tortoise and let me hit you. Do it now. Okay, little horn... Why do you have to force me? Come on, please, hit me. Are you kidding? Please use the terrible one to beat me! Totally, just once. Then that one. Please. Beat me! No! I don't feel natural to do it. Hurry! Beat me! OK! I fear nothing. Princess! Please pay attention Silly! Why crying? I'll treat you well. You couldn't lie to me. I have make up my mind. Put on the new clothes, or someone will see you nude. Jian-Ning, what were you doing? Hide-and-seek. Ya? Right. You are naughty by nature. I don't blame you. Why do you mess around with an eunuch? Although nothing will happen... it's shameful for us if other people get to know about this. Queen Mother, I'll never do it again. Don't do it anymore. I'll leave now. Stay. What? You'll have to suffer for the Princess. No. Release him, or I will kill the Princess. Who are you? You get into my Palace time after time. Do you know you and your family members must die for this? You pretend to be the Queen Mother, you and your family have to die too. You lie. I'm not lying. Last time when I fought with you, I knew you're using the Kung-Fu of the Dragon Gang. Why do you come to the Palace? Tell me! Let's see if you can force me to tell you. The gold snake trapping the lion's hands. How dare you fight with me! You're not as experienced as I am. God, why does it have to end up like this. Chun, help me kill this evil woman. I've never even killed a chicken. I can't help you. How dare you to offend a superior? Chun, take my sword and pierce his forehead. I'll make you a major official. I'll just be happy if you don't kill me. Making me an official? I don't trust you. Don't trust her. She can't move now or she'll lose control. Take that pick and poke the top part of her head. It's none of my business. Just pretend you haven't seen me today. Chun, kill her. If I die No one can heal you. I'll do it. Baloney! She cannot. His Majesty is arriving! Under this circumstance, He won't trust you and will kill you first. Even it I go crazy, I want to kill you! Don't be so impulsive! Cure me first. I'm afraid of you. Go away! Indeed. I mean it. You... Not on purpose. Mother! Your Majesty! I just passed your palace and I heard the loud sound. What happened? There is a assassin in a black suit. This eunuch saved my life. I'm alright. Chun! Did you see that assassinator? Did you see him? Yes, but not clearly. The princess was struck and she fainted. Aides! Send for the doctor for the princess and sound the alarm! Yes! Mother, you were scared! Have a rest. OK. You don't have to help me! Find anything? Not yet. Go to watch Hai-Da-Fu at once. Quick! Please. Lord Hai, even if you die, don't scare me like that. Please! It's not my concern You should go to Queen Mother or anyone else. Not me. Every year, in July the 14th, I will burn paper money for you. You should go to your enemy, not me. Indeed it's not my concern. Penis! You are the penis. Here! Penis! Your tongue is like that, right? No! It's the way you look. Lord, you said my tongue looks like a penis, I don't care. But my look, I could not agree with it. Nonsense. Is he crazy? Penis! You want to find that! Follow me. Here it is. No! It's here. Here! You drink it now. And you'll have one. And I fetched some medicine for you. After that, it will become as big as pomegranate! So big? This Big! Great! Escape is the best policy. Finished. But I don't have that. Where is the penis? You said there's medicine for me. Give me that. Hurry! Hurry up! Give me that. Here it is! No! That is the powder. Lord! Is he crazy? Lord! Lord! Lord! Are you all right? I'm asking you. Why imitate me? So obedient. I make a killing now. Please heal me. I was hit by De-Bone Palm. No... I'll heal you. Let you be healthy again. Your Majesty please forgive me. What do you want to tell me? I follow Ha was ordered by Your Majesty. He discovered my plan. How could that happen? He heard me talking about my plan when I was asleep. He tried to kill me. Fortunately, I was calling Your Majesty's name when I fought with him. I hit him on his weakest spot. Now Ha turned mad, please forgive me Your Majesty. How dare you. Yes, I'm daring. You dared to disguise as an eunuch to cheat me? I dare not. Lie! I saw the record. Your name was not on it. Nor the snipping record. Where are you from? To tell you the truth. I was forced. I came here to apply for servant in the kitchen. Yet, when Lord-Hai saw me, I don't know why, he forced me to be an eunuch. I didn't cheat you on purpose. OK! Stand. Thank you, Your Majesty. Tell me the truth, are you snipped? No! Good deeds good ends. All are just. I caught your penis by mistake. Now you catch me, this is meaningful. I admire Your Majesty like the river, that never ends. It's like the Yellow River. No one can stop it from flooding. That's enough. You grabbed me last time. Now I repay you with this. Now we are even. Thank Your Majesty for grabbing me. It's fine that you're not a eunuch. Accoring to tradition Eunuchs cannot intervene in politics. Now I can make you an official. What is your name. My name is Wei-Shew-Bao. I'm from the capital city. Auo-Bye killed Sony. What? Auo-Bye is always pushing me. Now I'm pushed to the corner. I won't forgive Auo-Bye. Auo-Bye has the most powerful troops. If I do anything openly, I'm afraid he will... overthrow the Court. But he can't get his troops to accompany him every day. I can attack him when he's alone. That's what I was thinking. Duo Long... Your Majesty. Where did you come from? It's a secret. Why should I tell you? You're right. Duo long is a loyal guard. Wei-Shew-Bao is... My dear friend. I've asked you both to come here to discuss how to... create some opportunities for you to kill Auo-Bye. Are you scared? No...not scared. If other people know about what happened today You two have to die. I've already asked Auo-Bye to go to my study room. Think about how to kill him. We copy Jing-Ke's way, wrap a knife in a map and kill him when presenting it. Or give him a drink. If he won't die by that, use 12 great Kung-Fu masters in an ambushment, and kill him. His Kung-Fu is wonderful. I'm afraid it won't work. Not really. I set up a trap. OK! And still we have a great master. Who? The sick Lord Hai. Lord Hai! He went crazy copying my every movement. We can disguise him to kill Au-Bye. Disguise whom? Guan! Invite Ao-Bye here, sentence him for treason ask him to kneel before Guan to swear. He makes oaths randomly, like farts! If he won't kneel, it's ok. If he does, I kill him. No! You scared me. You have my permission. Start tomorrow. Kill Ao-Bye. Thank Your Majesty. Lord Wei, you look painful. His Majesty caught me 4 times and hit 8 times. You can stand it. You are really something. My admiration for you is like the River, never ends. Like the Yellow River, couldn't to be stopped. I want to do this... to burn yellow paper to become blood others. Good other. Buy some roasted pork and chicken. Isn't it better to ask a lady to buy roasted pork? Lord Auo-Bye has arrived. Auo-Bye, the Emperor would like to see you. Your Majesty. What may I do for Your Majesty? Sit down. The boundary between my country and Russia has always been unclear. They have sent us a map recently. We have to decide where to put the boundary. I'd like to have your advice. I'd like to see the map first. There is no need to hurry. Give him some wine. Auo-Bye, this is the map sent by the Russians. Take a look. Historically, this kind of plan has proved a failure. I can't believe it. His Majesty has employed a dumb plan. You dared to despise me! Sheesh! You have trouble. Don't you know that? Do you know? What did you drink? I used kung-fu to protect myself from the poison in the wine. You try. Help me! Antidote! Start the device. Oh, fudge! Locked him! Now I won't feel so frightened. Help! Your Majesty. Normally speaking. I should die, if you want me to. But you treated me this way, it's notjust. You... How daring you are. Knowing your Kung-Fu is good, I'd like to examine it. You dared to talk to me like that! Examine my Kung-Fu? Surely. Fine. Since you said you are loyal. Kneel before Guan to make an oath. Promise me of your loyalty. Sure. Ao-Bye will be loyal to the country till I die. If I lie to you, I'll be hit by thunder. Guan's spirit appears! He's snorting. Heard that? Cut! 13 bodyguards practice Golden Cover. Protection! Protection! It seems they won't die from being hit. 13 bodyguards practice Golden Cover. Invulnerable. Then, no one could defeat him? Attack his under part! Open his legs. Are you crazy? Chun! Don't mind me! Fight him first. Coming! Go to hell! The ultimate Golden Cover technique, Draw back the penis! De-bone palm. Protect His Majesty! Your Majesty, please forgive me for being late. Still so talkative! I protect Your Majesty all the time. De-bone palm. Penis! Protection! Protection! Protection! Save His Majesty! Penis! Wait for me! No! You cannot kill me. Under this circumstance, I have to tell you the truth. I am your son. Father! Catch east Dragon Hand! Help! Ao-Bye rebels. Aides! Damn! Where are they going? Help! Fire! Put out the fire, quickly! Queen Mother! Help! Help! So ave. I didn't go to see you, you ask for it? Listen to me, Ao-Bye rebelled. He killed His Majesty! He is looking for you. He said he'll rape you before killing you. Rape then kill! What did you say? Queen Mother, don't mind me, you go first. Silk! Protect! Protect! Queen Mother! Bao! Are you OK? Your Majesty! After the hard fighting. I defeated Ao-Bye, the traitor to keep Queen Mother safe. Even if I die, I feel content. Are you hurt? Inside! lfyou give me millions of money to buy medicine, then I will be all right. Put Ao-Bye into prison! Yeah! Mother! It's my fault to have frightened you. Fortunately, Bo save my life. Or I would have been killed by the traitor. My duty! You deserve great credit, again. What a pity! His is an eunuch, and cannot be an official. Indeed, he is not. He is my spy for investigating Ha-Da-Fu. He is a man. He didn't cheat you on purpose. For this sake, please forgive him. Then, Lord Wei can become an official! Wei-Shew-Bo. Listen your title! Yeah! Titled as a failed Scholar. Gift yellow suit. Responsible for killing Ao-Bye's family. Duo-Lung, you assist him. Thank Your Majesty! Worry about the country, and feel sad. Lord, don't cry just because of singing badly. Suck egg! I cried for I felt sad. Ao-Bye, the traitor robbed so many things from our people. I cried for the country and for the people. Lord Wei, you are so great. Lord Duo! Primarily counting, his property is worth 380,000 totally. This traitor grafted so much money. I hate that most in my life. I'll report to Your Majesty to kill him. Lord, I read it wrong. It should be 3,800,000. Hatred, deep like sea...Unforgettable! I'll report to Your Majesty. To cheat people, just like the old Ming dynasty. Do you know how to do it? How? First, bury the man in the sand. Keep his head above ground, then use a knife to slice his head. Open his head, put cement in. Then, he will feel unbearably itchy! So what? Then, he'll try to find a hole desperately. Coincidentally, there's a hole on the head. No skin on it. Shoot! It comes out! I don't know when I can fulfil this ambition. Feeling itchy? Yes. Lord. I counted carefully. In sum it's 13,800,000. Still some are not listed. I suggest to send these to your place. After counting, then present it. Fine. Why are so many people kneel here? They're all Ao-Bye's wives. So young? Must have been taken by force! What a pity. I know she needs sleep. Send her to my place to sleep with me for 2 nights. Ao-Bye was cruel! You see. Beat her face to swell like this. Send her to my house. I will heal her. Golden Hair Lion King? Ao-Bye's betrayal must be influenced by this spy. Send her to my place. I'll torture her. Even a black one. This one, too. Even a black one couldn't escape. They're all the same in the dark. Ao-Bye, the sleaseball. From 8 to 80, he wanted them all. Lord! A mistake. She's his mother! I don't want them all. Send her to your place. What for? An old woman in a family is like a treasure. Send you the treasure. You should treat me to midnight snack. OK! Why ok? I'll beat you. Lord Wei, in Ao-Bye's storage, A gun and a silk vest were found. Invulnerable vest and a gun. You use this gun to shoot the vest, what'll happen? It's simple. A ave soldier wears this vest. Then you shoot. The answer will be clear. That's right. Lord! Aim on target. Lord, in his secret room a 42 Chapter Classic was found. This is not! It's Chin-Kang Classic. Understand? Yes. Lord. I'll take it back for my mother. It's really on target! Yes, Lord. That shot hit Duo-Lung. Even the vest is not reliable. Bury him for me. I know what to do. And, don't mess things around. In two more days, I'll kill them all. Yes. Lord. Bao! Lord Wei! Let me tell her something! Excuse me! Give me a little space! Bao, you've become an official, right? Yes. And grafted away millions of money. But now I have to run away! I'm here to take you with me. Sister! Fainted! Not dead yet! Find someone to save her. Bao! Too close! I couldn't recognize who he is. Master! Why you? I know what you did in the palace. I don't quite understand. Between your eye ows, there's black hair. Are you poisonous? Yes. Slow De-Bone Palm! So sad! Master! Help me! What? Cured! I knew that you could. Thanks Master. Go back with me I got something to tell you. I Chang-Chin-Nan as the Chief General Now promote Wei-Shew-Bao to be the chief of Greenwood Party. Congratulations to ChiefWei... Greenwood Chief. This is the official plate of the Greenwood Party. ChiefWei has caught our enemy Auo-Bye. He's now in prison. But I've heard that... Auo-Bye's disciples and seven monks will come to rescue him. ChiefWei must do something first. Auo-Bye must be killed and the king of Chin Dynasty. They must both be killed. That's right. Yet, my power is limited. You suck! Collect so much money. Now you have money and women. You should do something. I have some money! Just for a living! But no women. Come out! Who's that? Shuang! They're twin sisters! Connected together when born. After magic doctor's operation, separated them. So, their every movement, even their speech, are the same. Eating, sleeping together. Even fighting, better than two people. Now, I give them to you to protect you. To help you to kill Ao-Bye and the Emperor. Master! Let's have a chat there. Obviously, you appoint them to spy on me! Frankly, you have half and me, too. Don't ask me to go into the palace again. Or you sixty percent, me 40. Want 70 to 30? Too greedy! You meant 20 and 80? Where's your humanity! Is that 10 and 90? I'd rather go to the palace! You said that, not me. Buddy! Assemble all the members. Tomorrow, midnight, outside the door. Wei uses firework as his signal. Then we invade the palace and kill Ao-Bye and the Emperor. Decapitate him. Oh, fudge! I promised I won't escape. Why tie me up? We went in. By the way, do you trust me? Please respect yourself. If you will, I'll untie you. Wei-Shew-Bao, nickname, Mr Keep A Promise. Honest and reliable. I'm no phony. I follow my words, people know that. OK! You don't want to let me free because you're loyal. And you have to prove me that to me. What? I want to know do you have mental telepathy. You feel itchy, then you feel painful! You, painful, then you get impulsive. Saying it is useless. Want to try? OK! You sit here. Don't move! You come up with me. Don't move! No! Sir! No! No! Real! Harder! Harder! No stop! Harder! Harder! No stop! It's the right time. Don't stop! I proved it. You have mental telepathy. And my Dragon Hand is without fall. The meaning General Chief handed us to you. Indicates that we are yours. Please treat us with respect. After Ming's restorations, we'll marry to you. Why didn't say that at the beginning? Sit here! Don't move! I do another experiment! For study! Bao! Who is that? Bao, where are you? Emperor's sister! Hide! Quickly! Remember! Don't make noise. Bao-Bao! You hid here. Where have you been? Don't mind me. I'm busy. I took tigers' Penises and cooked soup for you. Really? OK! Let me use my hand to take your bowl and drink. Left! Right! Forward! That's it! Thanks. No thanks! House is big it echoes. Naughty! Wait for it to cool. You may drink it. OK! I take my bowl. Why put that on your head! What a waste! No! I'm kinky. So I make my neck harder. Baloney! Finished? I give it to you. You are a duke now. Tell my other about the marriage. Don't you remember we had sex that night! You want to deny it? I'll ask him to execute you! You don't have to. Why not? You have other women! No! Are you crazy? Except for you. Other women to me, are shit! What are you doing? There's a mosquito. Mosquito? If you have the guts, fly to my chest! I'll kill you! That should scare it. Come here! Why not mention this to my other? You vomited blood! Hot inside! Hot inside? Of course! Three penis soup causes this. You incriminated me!... No more talking! Fetch a cup of cool tea for me. Go! I'm vomiting to death! No more beating! Or I'll die. You are so bad. You hide two women here! I asked Queen Mother to kill you! Trace! With that lousy Kung-Fu, you want to fight with me! Two against one! Not a hero? No more quarrels! Queen Mother invited Lord Wei. Catch her. Put on the bed. What for? Lord Wei, Queen Mother invited you! Again? lf nothing important... Queen Mother ordered it. If you don't go, we'll ing you by force! Wait a moment! What's the matter? Those two outside have good Kung-Fu, don't risk it! What should we do? I'll go with them and will be back soon. Sir, be careful. Watch her carefully. Wei-Shew-Bao asks after Queen Mother. Queen Mother! Congratulation! Duk Wei. You've searched Ao-Bye's family, you must have some treasures in your house. I'm loyal to the country, I'd never do things like that. If I took any money from Ao-Bye, I'll be seized to death by Ao-Bye. If it were not me, you would be killed by him. Queen Mother's Kung-Fu is second to none. And I'll never forget your favor. The 42 Chapter Classic of Ao-Bye is now in your hands, right? What's that? Don't play around with me! You and Hai Da-Fu made a plan to steal the 42 Chapter Classic of Red Banner. And I know His Majesty gave the book for White Banner to you. Now in National House, I found nothing, no 42 Chapter Classic for Blue Banner. It must be you. Except one for Yellow Banner in Wu-Shang Kuei's hand. Among of these four books, you've got three of them. You must know the secret exactly. It's hard to understand! Could you please repeat it? What are you doing? Right sole,Chin-Ming. Left Anti-For. Do you want to deny you are a member of the TDA? Queen Mother! Don't be angry! Yes, I am! But, you are a member of the Dragon Gang. In fact, we don't have to uncover it. But you spoke out so loudly, it stand to reason you want me to tell them this? To tell whom? If I kill you, are you going to turn up in His Majesty dreams? No! lfyou want, you'll kill me at the beginning. I want to know the whereabouts of the three books? Talk! I followed you knowing. You hid them in Li-Chun-House and met Chang-Chin-Nan. I took them away. Took them! Then, that's fine! Excuse me! I'm leaving. Do you thing I didn't read 42 Chapter Classic? You and His Majesty's books, I've read a hundred times! Still, I don't know what the secret is. Yet, if you let out the secret, I may spare your life. Now then, you'd better kill me. But, remember! I'm a Duke. More than 90,000 people know I'm here. And your daughter, Jian-Ning Princess, too. Kill me! They'll suspect you! Should I believe what you said? Then, bet on it. Don't worry! Today is the feast day of the Dragon Gang, So we don't kill anyone today. You should say that at the start. You scared me to death! You are really... But I know someone who would be glad to kill you. Speak out! What's the secret? What's what? I don't know. Don't know? You want to go to hell to talk to him? No! We have nothing to talk about. You could try to be more cultivated. Please don't kill me! I'm going to kill you, bastard! I'll kill you! Kill you! Here! Come over! Kill you! Kill me! I'm waiting. Push me around? You think I'm afraid of your drawing back? If you have the guts, draw it and put it in your mouth. You S.O.B. without humanity! Eat shit! Later on! I'll choke you with that! Your father be prostituted! Mother got sexual disease! Don't think I don't know? When three, you peeked at a woman bathing. When four, you forced women to have sex. When five... What happened? It took so long! Help! Mother! A great man is liberal. Don't grudge me. I'm just playing. Till 70, you want to cut the foreskin. When 71, you take young girls to watch gold fish. Indeed, you want to rape them! When 72, you are gay. Whenever people want to be your mates, you give them 1,000 and a bun. Finished? No yet! I think it's not mean enough at the age of 40! Then from that year on, I try again! Schmuck! Go to hell! Brother! We came to rescue you from the Temple. Are you ok? Who is he? Spare my life, please! It's not my business. He is the apple in His Majesty's eyes. Take him as a hostage. Go! Stay! There's a lookout post in front of us. Many great Kung-Fu masters are there. You seven, are impossible. Brother, you meant... You protect me. After I force the nine dragon throngs out and make the air move around. There will be no competitors in the Palace. OK! We protect you. TDA? Master! Bao! Ao-Bye? Don't let him make it. Or no one can defeat him. Kill Ao-Bye first. Then, the Emperor. Master! I'm glad to help you. Stamp on that. Leave me alone. Master! Fudge! Ao-Bye couldn't be hurt. And is impotent. Impotent! Then, take a hairpin And stab at his spine point. It'll bounce out. Penis! You've still alive? You've still alive? Going crazy again? Yes, I'm crazy! Oh, Poon! Bao! Be careful! Don't hurt my penis! No! You couldn't defeat him. Lord, be careful! Master! You killed Ao-Bye. You killed him finally! If not for your friends' help. I couldn't. Thanks. He is my good friend. Master, you're hurt seriously. It's better not to kill the Emperor now. To summarise, you take revenge for them. Go to see him. Master! You go first. I'll handle this. Bao. Be careful. You too. Lord! Chun! You're sober again. Don't be afraid. My veins are oken entirely. I have no power to kill you. It's all my fault. Forget it! But I couldn't heal the palm print on you. My master did it to me. By the way, do you know Queen Mother's secret? Sure. A long time ago. She is... The holy girl of Dragon Gang! Holy girl of Dragon Gang? Chun! Don't worry! She cannot touch you. Except if I die. Sure? Go now! When she starts, you have no chance to live. No! My Lord!... Go at once! When he becomes a ghost, you'll die quickly. Wei-Shew-Bao, you are lucky. Put in jail with Ao-Bye, and you are still alive! Don't mess around. It's passed midnight. If you don't hand me 42 Chapter Classic, you're going to see Hai-Da-Fu and Ao-Bye. His Majesty has arrived. Fine! You come here. Mother! Wei-Shew-Bao wanted to hurt me. Mother, why are you here? Wei-Shew-Bao and Hai-Da-Fu are members of the TDA. They kidnapped me. On the way, we met Ao-Bye's comrades. They fought, and all died. Wei-Shew-Bao wanted to kill me! What? I don't want to go on. The fact is that she pretended to be the Queen Mother, actually she is holy girl of Dragon Gang. I don't think so. Soldiers, are you armed? Yes! Your Majesty! All TDA members have tattooed on their soles. Anti-Chin, For-Ming. If you don't believe that, ask him to take his socks off. Bao! That's not true! Your Majesty. Aide! Take his socks off! Your Majesty! Wait for a moment! Chin-Ming? The other, Anti and For. It shows those four letters. Take the other sock off! No! Old Man Day? Though I didn't go to school having filial piety. There are days to hold memorial ceremony for ancestors. Bao tattooed this, just to remind himselfto sweep the tomb. Your Majesty. Queen Mother! I told you she's not! She's a fake one. You don't trust me? No! Of course not! Mother! Jian-Ning! One more? Don't trust him! This one is real. She is a fake one, she imprisoned me at the palace and disguised herself as me for half a year. Your Majesty! The evidence is in front ofyou. No need to more think. Fire the arrows! Wei-Shew-Bao. I won't forget you. Not me! It's him... It's me who makes you suffer. Queen Mother! Blessed! Luckily, those two eunuchs and the princess come to rescue me. Bao told me. Bao? Mother, he's my undercover man! Bao. You killed Ao-Bye and uncovered her plot. What a great deed! I give you the title Lu-Ding Duke. Thanks. Your Majesty! Wei-Shew-Bao. I'll come back. Next time I show up, you may not recognize me.

RASHOMON Based on In a Grove by Ryunosuke Akutagawa Screenplay byAkira Kurosawa and Shinobu Hashimoto Cinematography by Kazuo Miyagawa Starring Toshiro Mifune Machiko Kyo Takashi Shimura Masayuki Mori Minoru Chiaki Directed byAkira Kurosawa I dont understand... I just dont understand. Idon'tunderstanditatall. I just dont understand. Whats wrong? What dontyou understand? Ive never heard such a strange story. Why dontyou tell me about it? We happen to have a wise priest in our midst. No, not even the renowned, wise priest from Kiyomizu Temple has heard a story as strange as this. Soyou know something about this strange story? This man and I havejust seen it and heard it ourselves. - Where? - In the courthouse garden. The courthouse? A man was murdered. Just one? So what? On top ofthis gate, youll fi nd at least five or six unclaimed bodies. Youre right. War, earthquake, winds, fi re, famine, the plague... Year afteryear, its been nothing but disasters. And bandits descend upon us every night. Ive seen so many men getting killed like insects, but even I have never heard a story as horrible as this. Yes. So horrible. This time, I may fi nally lose my faith in the human soul. Its worse than bandits, the plague, famine, fi re, orwar. Look here, priest. Enough with the sermon. It sounded interesting, at least while I kept out ofthe rain. But ifits a sermon, Id sooner listen to the rain. Hear me out. Maybeyou can tell me what it means. I dont understand any ofthose three. - Which three? - Well... Ill tell you about them. Calm down and tell me slowly. The rains not going to stop any time soon. RASHOMON It was three days ago. I went into the mountains to get wood. Iranas fastas Icould to tell thepolice. Then, three days later-- today-- I was calledto testify. Yes. Thats right. I was the one who fi rst found the body. What? Did I see a sword or something? No, nothing at all. Just a womans hat caught on a anch, and the cap ofa samurai that had been trampled on. There was a cut-up piece ofrope near the body, and further along in the leaves, a shiny amulet case with red lining. Yes. That was all I found, yes. Yes. I met the murdered man before his death. It was three days ago, in the afternoon. On the road from Sekiyama to Yamashina. The womanhada veil, so Icouldn'tseeherface. Theman was armedwith asword, as wellas abowandarrows. Little did I expect that he would meet such a fate. A human life is truly as frail and feeting as the morning dew. What a shame that his should end this way. Im sorry. This man I caught is Tajomaru. Yes, the notorious bandit everyone speaks of. The last time I almost caught him, he looked the same and he carried that same sword. It was two days ago at dusk, by the banks ofthe Katsura... Whats wrong? There were 17arrows with eagle feathers, aleatherbow, andahorse. All these belonged to the dead man, yes. The irony ofTajomaru being thrown off his stolen horse, this had to be fateful retribution. I fell off the horse? You fool! On that day... I was riding that horse and I was suddenlyvery thirsty. So around Osaka, I drank from a spring. There must have been a dead poisonous snake upstream. After a while, I got an incredible stomachache. By the time I came to the river, I couldnt hold it any longer. So I got off the horse and crouched in the field. I fell off? Obviously, a fool can think only foolish thoughts. I know sooner or later youll have my neck, so Im not going to hide anything. It was this Tajomaru who killed that man. I saw that couple three days ago. It was a hot afternoon. Suddenly a cool eeze rustled the leaves. Ifit hadnt been for that wind, I wouldnt have killed him. I caught a glimpse and then she was gone. Maybe thats why. I thought I saw a goddess. At that moment I decided to capture her, even ifI had to kill her man. But ifI could have her without killing, all the better. My intention then was to take her without killing the man. But I couldnt do it on that road to Yamashina. What doyou want? What doyou want? What is it? Dont be suspicious. See? Isnt this nice? Take a good look at it. There are some ruins over there. When I dug up the mound, I found a heap ofswords and mirrors. I buried them in a grove behind the mountain so no one else would fi nd them. Ifyoure interested, Ill sell them toyou cheap. Its over there. Walk ahead ofme. Its here. Beyond those pines. Your husband has taken sick. Her face turned pale. She stared at me with frozen eyes, her expression intense like a childs. When I saw that, I envied the man and I suddenly hated him. I wanted to show her how pathetic he looked tied to that pine tree. These thoughts that werent there before fi lled my head. Ihadneverseen such fierceness in a woman. And so I had succeeded in having her without killing her husband. I still had no intention ofkilling him. But then... Wait! Stop! Eitheryou die or my husband dies. One ofyou must die. To have my shame known to two men is worse than dying. I will go with the survivor. So I had to kill him, but I wanted to do it honorably. He fought verywell. We crossed swords 23 times. I remember this because Im still impressed. No one had ever crossed swords with me more than 20 times. What? The woman? I dont know. When the man died, I turned to her. She was gone. The fighting must have scared her and she ran away. I ran out to the mountain road. All I found was her horse grazing calmly. I was attracted to her fierce spirit, but, after all, she wasjust like otherwomen. I didnt even look for her. What? His sword? I exchanged it in town for liquor. What? Her dagger? It had pearl inlay. Looked veryvaluable. I totally forgot about it. That was foolish. The biggest mistake I ever made! Even amongst the bandits, Tajomaru is famous for being a womanizer. Why, last fall, a young wife went to the temple and she and her maid were found dead in the mountains. That must have been him too. Who knows what really happened to that woman who left her horse? Well, that woman showed up at the courthouse. She was hiding in the temple when the police found her. Its a lie. Its all a lie. Tajomarus story and the womans. Its human to lie. Most ofthe time we cant even be honest with ourselves. That may be. But its because men are weak that they lie, even to themselves. Not another sermon. I dont care ifits a lie, as long as its entertaining. What story did the woman come up with? Well, its completely different from Tajomarus story. So different that her face didnt even show the fierceness he spoke of. She was so docile, she was almost pitiful. That man in the blue kimono, after forcing me toyield to him, proudly announced that he was the infamous Tajomaru, and laughed mockingly at my husband who was tied up. How horrified my husband must have been. The more he struggled, the tighter the ropes dug in. I ran to his side. Or rather, I tried to. Even now, when I think ofhis eyes, my blood turns cold in myveins. What I saw in them was neither anger, nor sorrow, but a cold light, a look ofloathing. Dont. Dont look at me like that. Its too cruel. Beat me, kill me, but dont look at me like that. Please, stop. Now kill me. Kill me at once. Stop. Dont. Please dont. I must have fainted after that. When I came to and looked around... Imagine my shock. I saw my dagger in my dead husbands chest. I was in shock and I dont remember how I left the woods. But when I came to, I was standing by the pond, at the foot ofthe hill. I threw myselfinto the pond. I tried many different things. But I failed to kill myself. What should a poor, helpless woman like me do? I see. The more I hear, the more confused I get. But women use their tears to fool everyone. They even fool themselves. Soyou have to beware ofthe womans story. When you hear the dead mans story-- Hes dead. How can he tell his story? He spoke through a medium. Lies. His storywas also lies. But dead men dont lie. Why is that? I refuse to believe that man would be so sinful. Suityourself. But is there anyone whos really good? Maybe goodness isjust make-believe. What a frightening-- Manjust wants to forget the bad stuff and believe in the made-up good stuff. Its easier that way. - Ridiculous. Nevermind. Lets hear the dead mans story. I am in darkness now. I am suffering in the dark. Cursed be those who cast me into this dark hell. After the bandit attacked mywife, he tried to console her. Shesaton theleaves, staring down atherknees. Thebandit was cunning. Nowthather virtue was stained, she couldnolongerbe with herhusband. Leave thehusband andwhynotmarryhim instead? He saidhe onlyattackedher outofhis love forher. Whensheheard that, my wife raisedherfaceas ifin a trance. She had never looked so beautiful. Andwhat was mybeautiful wife's response to thebandit in frontofherhelpless husband? Wherever. Take me whereveryou want. Thats what she said. But that wasnt her only sin or I wouldnt be suffering in the dark like this. Please kill him. While hes alive, I cannot go with you. Kill him! Those words were like a wind that threatened to blow me into the depths ofdarkness. Has such a hateful thing ever been uttered by a human before? Even the bandit turned pale at those words. Please kill him. What doyou want me to do with her? Kill her or save her? You only have to nod. Forthese words alone, I was ready topardonhis crime. Kill her or let her go? Idon'tknow howmanyhourspassed. She got away. Now Ill have to worry about my own fate. Everything was silent. Iheardsomeone crying. Someoneis crying. Whois that? Everything was silent. How quiet it was. Suddenly the sun went away. I was enveloped in deep silence. I lay there in the stillness. Then someone quietly approached me. That someone gentlywithdrew the dagger from my heart. Its not true! There was no dagger. He was killed by a sword. Now its getting interesting. It seems you saw the whole thing. So why didntyou tell the court? I didnt want to get involved. You can talk about it here, right? Tell me, then. Your story seems to be the most interesting. I dont want to hear it. No more horror stories. They are common stories these days. I even heard that the demon living here in Rashomon fed in fear ofthe ferocity ofman. Come on. How much doyou know? I found the womans hat in the mountains. You already said that. About 20 yards further, I heard a woman crying. From behind a bush, I saw a man tied up, a woman crying and Tajomaru. Soyou lied when you said you found the body. I didnt want to get involved. All right, then. Go on. What was Tajomaru doing? He was down on his knees, begging the woman for forgiveness. until now, whenever I wanted to do something bad, I did it. That way I suffered less. But today, its different. I already had you, but I only wantyou more. Its very hard. I beg you to be mywife. The notorious bandit Tajomaru is begging you on his hands and knees. Ifyou wish, Ill even stop being a bandit. I have enough stashed away to giveyou a lavish life. And ifyou dont want my dirty money, Ill even work. Ill stoop to selling odds and ends on the street to supportyou. Ill do anything ifyou come with me. Marry me, please. Ifyou say no, I have no choice but to kill you. Please, sayyes. Stop crying and answer me. Tell meyoull be mywife! Say it! Its impossible. How could I, a woman, say anything? I get it. You mean its up to us men to decide. Hold it! I refuse to risk my life for such a woman. Youve been with two men. Why dontyou kill yourself? Hopeless. I dont want this shameless whore. You can have her. At this stage, Id rather lose her instead ofthe horse. - Wait! - Dont follow me! Stop crying. Its not going to work anymore. Stop it. Dont bully her. Women are weak by nature. Its you who are weak. Ifyou are my husband, why dontyou kill this man? Then you can tell me to kill myself. Thats a real man. Youre not a real man either. When I heard you were Tajomaru, I stopped crying. I was sick ofthis tiresome daily farce. I thought, Tajomaru might get me out ofthis. Ifhed only save me, Id do anything for him. I thought to myself. Butyou werejust as petty as my husband. Just remember: A woman loves a man who loves passionately. A man has to make a woman his by his sword. I dont want to die! So thats the real story. I dont tell lies. I saw it with my own eyes. I doubt it. Its true. I dont lie. No one lies after he says hes going to do so. Its horrifying. Ifmen dont trust each other, this earth might as well be hell. Thats right. This world is hell. No, I believe in men. I dont want this place to be hell. Shouting doesnt help. Think about it. Out ofthese three, whose story is believable? No idea. In the end, you cannot understand the things men do. What areyou doing? Whats it toyou? - Thats terrible! - Terrible? Someone else would have taken the kimono. Why shouldnt I? - Its evil. - Evil? What about this kids parents? They had their fun and then they throw out the kid? Theyre evil. No, youre wrong. Look at the amulet on the kimono. It was left to protect the baby. Think about what theywent through to abandon this baby. I dont have time to mind everyones feelings. - You selfish... - Whats wrong with that? Dogs are better off in this world. Ifyoure not selfish, you cant survive. Damn it. Everyone is selfish and dishonest. Making excuses. The bandit, the woman, the man and you! And you arent? Thats funny. You may have fooled the court, but not me. So what did you do with the dagger? The valuable one with the pearl inlay that Tajomaru was talking about? What happened to it? Did it disappear in the grass? Ifyou didnt, who stole it? It seems Im right. A bandit calling another a bandit. Now thats selfish. Doyou have anything else to say? Ifnot, Ill be going. What areyou doing? Taking what little it has left? I have six kids ofmy own. Another one wouldnt make a difference. I am ashamed ofwhat I said. Its inevitable to be suspicious ofothers on a day like this. Im the one who should be ashamed. I dont understand my own soul. No, Im grateful toyou. Thanks toyou, I think I can keep my faith in man. Dont mention it. THE END

Work harder! Keep on! Cut! Wake up! Even extras are actors. We're not making a ghost film now. Though you guys play the roles of pedestrians, but your roles still have life an soul. Especially we've chance to act with the Kungfu actress Queen Cuckoo Tu... so we should grasp this chance. Act smartly, OK? Action! Cut! - Who are you? - I'm an actor. Aunt Ha! Yes. - Who is this guy? - An extra. I'm an actor. Are you mistaken? How can you let him touch my machine? Sorry, Brother Sunny, I just went to toilet. so I asked him to do the rehearsal. Find someone who knows how to act, we need one urgently. - Let me do it. - You? Show me the expression of ''nervous''. There're several kinds of nervous expression. The one on the face of a husband whose wife is delivering a baby. The baby is given birth. But the wife is dead. The baby calls him dad, he's a genius. His dick is on his head, he's abnormal. He wins Mark Six...first prize! His son is dead... His wife comes back to life. His wife comes back to life. No more response, if one is struck too hard emotionally... he will enter a state of mental coma, he'll show no response. Is there another guy? Aunt Ha, what have I done wrong? I don't know what you were doing. Was there anything wrong with my expression? I've said I didn't know what you were doing. Aunt Ha, none of your extras is smart enough. All these extras are above standard. Sunny, is it done? Everyone is waiting. OK...Director, it'll soon be done... - You, go and change your clothes. - Thanks. - Stand in this position. - Got it. - Lighting. - Lighting is ready. - Settings. - Settings ready. Actors. Stand-by. Sorry, Director. According to the character of my role. I want to play my role with a bit naughtiness... But contradiction. Will this be better? OK, Speed. Speed. - Scene 3. Shot 4, take 1. - Action! Cut! What is it? What's wrong with the guy behind. He's supposed to be dead. - What are you doing? Aunt Ha! - What is it? Brother Sunny? What is your extra up to? How come you are still alive? As I said I'd play my role with a bit naughtiness. So subconsciously I don't want to die yet. You must pretend to be dead. Actually, I was dying. If you give me a bit more time, I'll die eventually. Do you know how many frames of film are there in one second? 24 frames, Sister Cuckoo. Do you know how long is the shot just then? I guess it about one minute. Do you know as you didn't want to die... that you've wasted how many seconds, how many frames and how much money and how much time and effort of everyone here? Are you fooling around here? I'm begging you, you'd better find a professional extra for this role. Get someone smarter and shoot again! You'd better be smart! Go home and think about when exactly you want to die. OK, Brother Sunny. Aunt Ha, what have I done wrong? Don't ask me again, I really don't know what you were doing. - Then I... - Get lost. You remind me I must go to a meeting of Neighbour Welfare Association. I'll be right back. You don't have to come back. I'm begging you, stop making trouble. Let the director watch your performance? Director, what kind of performance? You are shot to dead, ready. Action! Was it OK, Director? This is it, go and change your clothes. - Go ahead. - Thanks... Where did you learn acting, man? - I've never learnt it. - You're a real genius. You can make it if you work hard. Why are you still standing here? Fuck off! What are you doing here? Unit manager, I want to get a lunch box only. It's not yet lunch time. - As I'm leaving now, so I... - Then you just go! Do you know why it's not yet lunch time? Just because of you, bastard, you didn't want to die! And now everyone is working and starving. I haven't eaten as well! Do you want to have lunch? Share your lunch with that puppy! Shit, you're a dump of shit. Your life is cheaper than ants. I ride a Mercedes, you pick your nostril. You want to have lunch? You better eat shit! Why did you just come back now? - You guys have lunch already? - Shut up, get me a ping pong racket. OK! Where's the ping pong ball? Get me one now. Quick. - Right away. - Hurry. This is Neighbour Welfare Association. You mustn't be late, many people are waiting for you. Hello, Aunt Ha? Nothing, I want to check the time for tomorrow notice. You haven't for tomorrow. What about the day after tomorrow? Nothing for the day after tomorrow and so on. Aunt Ha, where are you? None of your business, what do you want? I check with you again, is there notice for role without dialogue? No. - Any role that can't be seen clearly? - No. Any role that can't he seen completely? I can't see you now. Don't trouble me. - Aunt Ha, where are you? - Go to hell! Dear fellows. The play ''Thunder Storm'' is adapted from a well-known Chinese classic literature. You guys all know it well. Tomorrow, I'll be leading actor, you guys want to see it, right? So, I'll see you guys tomorrow then. Kelly, is there anything to do after dinner tomorrow? Taking a dump. Come and watch Uncle San's play after taking a dump, it'll be fun. Remember to ing your dad and mom too. If they don't come, you can cry, spit around. Do whatever you can until they come, then you'll be a good girl. I pamper you, Kelly. Kelly, if I don't see you tomorrow. You'll result like this doll. You get that? Uncle Chi, the play ''Thunder Storm'' will be on show tomorrow night. Have you studied the script well? Yes, don't worry. I can even compose a song. Old Master sings whenever he sees the maid. You're beautiful... Uncle Chi, I'm the one who sing the theme song. And the role of ''Old Master'' you play is a Chinese as well. When the maid sees the Old Master, she will sing... You're so handsome, you're so smart... - Thank you much, please to... - Uncle Chi, please don't... - I accept you... - Are you OK? Think positive, Uncle Chi. Someone helps me, come on. Master Hung, morning. My play ''Thunder Storm'' will soon be showing. Shall we make another rehearsal? Do I need to rehearsal? ''Thunder Storm'' is about righteous, I knew it. We're triad society member, we only talk about two things. First, about righteous, second, about money. I'll talk about righteous first. ''Righteous'' is good, but we mustn't ignore the love line of the story. Because the role you play will finally be struck to death. Talking about ''struck'' (chopping), let me tell you... There are two kinds of ''struck'' (chopping) in our world. First, it is ''dragging''. Second is ''stabbing''. Look, this scar was dragged by knife. While ''stabbing'' is like this. This scoundrel is new comer, sorry, he shows no expression. ''Stabbing'' is like this. Be serious, let us know if you feel the pain, OK? Your acting is lousy. Brother Sau, teaching him for me. Talking about ''pain''... according to Stanisslavski, master of acting from Russia. Pain is transmitted from your body to the inside, and outside again. Let try one more time. Look, it's much better this time. Isn't it? He acts much better now. Let's try one more time. Right, a little bit more, more, being stabbed. Maybe I can help you this way. This is working, tears come out now. Look clearly, remember this expression, remember this feeling. Do remember this, get it? Let's go. What about own ''Thunder Storm'' tomorrow. No rehearsal needed for ''Thunder Storm''. We will come for sure, promise is a promise! I'll ing hundreds of people to watch your play as well. - It's a deal. - Just don't worry. Faster. Get into position. Granny, you stepped on someone. I didn't step on anyone. You just couldn't feel when you stepped on him, look at his foot. Yes, he's sweating as well. Give me some money and I'll send him to the hospital. I have no money. Look at him, he's dying. I only have $100 left. Give me, that $100. Let's move! Granny, you've dropped some money. Really good luck. Sir... - Are you free tomorrow? - What is it? ''Thunder Storm'' is on show at Neighbour Theatre. ''Thunder Storm''? Good! Miss, what's your name? Piu, and you? This is your name, really? Whatever I told you, just call me Piu, idiot? You're really a student? Sure I am, I'm still a virgin, isn't that great? It's your luck, Uncle. Let's play 'Chai Fist'? I don't know how to play it. You don't know 'Chai Fist'? Have you been educated? Fanny, come here. Your belly is really big! Mind you can't get into the coffin. 'Chai Fist', Bingo! Come on, relax, have some fun. Cheer up, why did draw your face? Your parents are dead or something? Chai Fist', Bingo! Triangle, rectangle, four! Good, I'll drink! Tonight is College Girls' First Love Evening. So please mind your words, do behave like a student girl. If clients complain about you again, then I can't help you anymore. What College Girl? Just a damned trick. If I can be a college girl, I won't be working here. You believe you did nothing wrong? Mamasan, the man at Table 7 is really ugly. I can't stand it and I am not doing business with him. Do you all want to be selecting on clients? No... You're too much. You are not professional, you can concentrate on one single. One single spot? If that man is ugly, you needn't look at him. If his ears are pretty, just stare at his ears. If his mouth is ugly but the teeth are nice, just look at his teeth. So you new comer are really ignorant. Let me deal with him. Come on, watch what I'll do. Be smart. Hi! You're pretty. What's your name, Boss? My name is Pierre. It's a French name. Are everyone says I look like a Frenchman, so I get a French name. If you can't pronounce that well, just call me Pi or Erre. What's on? You used to be proud, now you get a lesson. You can't blame me, he's a real rarity. Have you seen anyone put a cockroach on his head? What's the problem? Look at LuLu, she's playing with that cockroach now. I admit failure. OK, from now on, you won't have clients to sit at. You'll be bored to death. You're all like this. Connie, come and teach her for me. You're not amateur, you should know you must act in front of clients. But your problem is: you acting stinks. I can do nothing about it. I hear someone teaches acting for free. I'll take you to see him. Teaches acting? - Hey, men. - Yes! Hurry up, start working. You again? Morning, Brother Sunny. Aunt Ha! I'm looking for him too. I haven't given you a notice, what ings you here? Remember last time that you asked me to think about the ways to die. I've thought over and I have some new ideas now, and I believe my performance will make you satisfied. I would have killed you in the past. Talking about knife, it's different from a gun. The position of the wound is usually under the armpit, here. The wound is a bit bigger, and the face will twist more. If you're betrayed by your own friends, you will even... I didn't expect...it's you... Get lost! Brother Sunny, I... I just want to act, give me a chance please. Do you love standing here? OK, stand here, I won't pay you a dime. I'll act even if you don't pay me, I only want a lunch box. But lunch box costs money too, beat it! Sunny. What is it, Martial Art Director? It's bad to use this mannequin to disguise as a dead man. Figure it out, we're in a hurry! Yes, OK...got it. Thank you, Brother Sunny. Only a lunch box. No problem, should I put some make up on? Put it on now. Director, the actors are ready. Actors are all ready. Action! Cockroach... Let's help sister Cuckoo. Cockroach! Go to hell! Sister Cuckoo, don't be afraid. Sister Cuckoo, don't be afraid, it's OK now. Director, can we cut now? It's still running? Cut! - OK. - Are you OK? Must you do all these to kill a cockroach! Let's see if he's alright? I'm fine, Sister Cuckoo, thanks for your concerns. Why don't you move at all? I didn't move since Director hasn't shouted 'cut' yet. So I mustn't move. Do you hear that... He keeps on acting since the Director hasn't shouted 'cut' yet. This is what I always tell you: professionalism. What's your name? I'm called Wan Tin Sau. - Yee, give him a cup of coffee. - Yes. - Get his phone number for me. - Yes. You...work in my team from now on. Thanks, Sister Cuckoo. - Is this shot OK? - Yes. Weapon comes. - Sunny. - Yes. I am telling you, even extras are important. The one who played the father, we mustn't use him again. Got it, Sister Cuckoo. Sister Cuckoo, I am the one who played the Father. In fact, it is like this... Fine... Let me clean it for you, towel, get the towel. - Sister Cuckoo! - Watch out! Sister Cuckoo, are you alright? Don't touch. Don't touch! Very pretty. Sister Cuckoo! Security guard, is there someone here who teaches acting? I've been in the field of art for ages. Whether it's movie or TV, I'm experienced. I was the creative director in Amusement Park Theatre. So I can sing and dance. You mean you are the instructor here? Well, many people here love theatre and play. They love studying plays with me. Those people introduce us here indeed. OK, this way please. It's you? Didn't you play in that film...that... The stupid man standing behind, falls after stepping on a banana peel? You noticed my performance too? You idiot! Only an idiot will fall after stepping on a banana peel. - Why don't you go dying? - Thanks. - Are you really that stupid? - You're flattering me. You damned extra, you are... In fact, I am an actor. That way please. Damned extra. What can I do for you? Frankly, we're hostesses of a night club. I can tell. We're holding ''College Girls' First Love Evening'' right now. These girls dare to say they don't have the feeling of first love at all. How can you work like this? First love was shown at the stage when we where babies. Say, when a baby sees a comforter, he wants to suck it. This is a kind of love. Why did you suck a comforter? You damned extra. In fact, I am an actor. Well, so why did you talk about sucking a comforter? I'm going to explain everything to you. OK, let's explain it. First, you must dress up like a college girls, about dialogue, at some vital points... such as: I love you, I hate you, etc. It'll be more impressive if you have some tears in your eyes. Just like this. Do you see? That teardrop... Good, the teardrop is inside the eyes. Where is the teardrop? You damned extra. In fact, I am an actor. You might need something to help you since you've no experience, and the simplest way is to eat Wasabi. Wasabi? What are you talking about? Must we be fooled by this damned extra? Miss, if you must call me an extra, you don't need to add 'damned' in front of it. In fact, being club girls... If you can show some respect to the others, then... - What are you calling us? - Excuse me. Forget it, we are club girls indeed. I just don't like him calling me that way. She's always like this, never mind her. It's OK... I've asked you not to stir up trouble! It's OK... It's OK... Why must you still behave like this? Don't panic, it's alright. - Don't panic, it's alright. - Club girls? It's alright...Don't panic, take it easy, it's alright. How could l know he's so amusing? I ought you there as I thought he charged for nothing. If you hadn't block my way, I'd have... Please, beware what you say to the clients. - Go out... - I'm sorry. What's going on? This is a big night club. Get lost, I'm sorry. - Are there other hostesses? - Yes, they're coming soon. Connie, come here. What is it, Mama De a? Master Lung is here and he's drunk. He thought he's being dumped and he wants his first lover back. All the girls here are college girls, they'll suit him. Look, he has scanned almost all my girls. But none of them suits his taste, he's nuts. Look at his money, it's piled up. - Have you gone inside? - Not yet. Wait here for a while. Go and send some more girls here. I have so much money. Come and get it if you can. I want my first lover. First lover! You wanna try? I'll give it a shot, sometimes it's hard to tell the taste of a rich man. Get lost. Hurry up, be smart. Master Lung, here come the beauties. Say Hi to Master Lung. Boss. Get lost! - Master Lung, don't get mad. - Go away! None of them is pretty! They are not sincere, I want my first lover! First lover... They're all here for money! I am sincere. I really love you. Mary, I'll give you anything you want. I can give you all the money on the table... as long as you don't leave me, Mary. - What is it? - Are you alright? I've hit you hard, sorry. If that table wasn't there and I could kick you, I wouldn't have been defeated by you. I'm not here to fight with you, I'm here to learn acting from you. Go away. To some honest friends who have the same interest as I do. I'll be more than willing to teach them. Just a second. I'm coming, 1, 2, 2 and a half, 3. Must it take you so long for make up? You damned... Don't again! - Your tie is high-classed. - Thanks. Since I've taken your money, I should act accordingly. - Where's the ping pong racket? - Under the table. There're many people here, let's go over there. I'm Wan Tin Sau, and you? Lau Piu Piu. What do you want to learn? How to pamper those bastards in the night club. The first love feeling of college girls must be built from the base. You can take me as your client, and greet me first. Boss, want some fist games? Don't call me ''Boss'', you're college girl now. You can say Good Morning, or Morning, Sir. Good morning, Sir. Try to lower your head a little bit, pretend to be shy. Let your client touches your chin and raise your head and then say. Morning, Sir. Your regards are bad, again. Give me glistened regards. Morning, Sir. Too glistened now, I'll faint, again. Take it easy. Morning, Sir. These are eyes of dead body, you'll scare others to death. Again. Be natural. Morning, Sir. Good! Now let's discuss about your action, say, hugging. Hug me with your way. What for? What for? You needn't lock others with your thigh every time. - Sorry, my job requires this. - You must stop doing that. Being a college girl, you needn't always take initiation. You can act shyly so that men will hug you. What do you mean by shy? Like this. - Like biting a quail? - Act on. Right, when men see you biting a quail, they'll naturally hold and hug you. Now you can put your head on their shoulders. What for? Excuse me, my job requires this. You must stop doing that! Superficially it's all. If we go further, I must then ask you about your first love. I never have first love. Everyone has first love. I said I never have one. You must have some unforgettable memory. No. Or you must have heard someone say something you can never forget. Never! I hope I can be with you forever. Promise me, let me take care of you for the rest of your life. Then you must have unforgettable experience. Never! Being club girl? Didn't say you'll take care of me? How come I have money if you don't work as club girl? How can I take care of you if I have no money? Now, imagine I'm your first boyfriend lover. Sau, on the night of your play, I was engaged in a transaction. So I was too busy to come, sorry. - Was there good response? - Sure. It's good then. I will surely come next time. Someone're shooing kids karaoke, you aren't one of them? I've things to see you, excuse me. Take me new boy to collect protection money for me. Help me improve his appearance... About the way he speaks? Right, that's it, you won't refuse my request, right? Thanks for teaching me. Over there. Being a triad member... you must have a unique appearance. It's right you have a gold chain with you. You must try to look furious and severe. Try it. More furious. Show some anger. Wrath. Throw that nibble away. This is it, you know what you're going to say? I seem to know. Good, I'll remind you from time to time in this dim place. Tong, over here a bit, right, cheer up. - Shooting a movie? - What is it? I forget already. You know, HK is in economic recession. And being hit by financial storm, it's all because of the 'Ross'. There are many factors. Now the S.E. Asia collapses in economics... and that infects HK too. Those enterprises suffer much. The worse is there'll be global economics recession soon. You have a view in economics. I majored Economics in HKU. Did you? I graduated this year. Did you? I graduated in 1996, this is my name card. - You're my senior, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. - How come you shoot kids karaoke? - I can't help. What are you doing now? Nothing, I fool with triad members. Seeing you shooting movie here, I come to collect protection money. Brother Kei, someone collects protection money. Who collects protection money? - Economics in HK is now... - Is it you? Good. Bastard, what triad groups are you come from? Dare you to fool me? Fix him! Kill you! Go to hell! Bastard... Dare you play with my bird? Don't you know me? Don't come near... It hurts... Don't talk with me, pretend we're at a duel. Make a call...pretend calling for help. I want to go home. You must act on until I shout cut. - You must be profession. - I want to go home. It's a day. They're gone. Don't be afraid, they're gone, all gone. Take a chopper and a rush there, get some fame. What's wrong? That scoundrel is still there. Concentrate! you're scoundrel too, show some anger! I want to eat ice-cream. Bastard! Show some anger! You needn't do that. Forget it, I fear you now. What's up? You acted very well. What has happened? He acted really well to get this. He managed to collect $20. Why are you still crying? You managed to get $20 protection money in front of a temple. You're making a fame for yourself. You do look like a hero. Keep the image and use it to collect protection money now. Brother Sau, you're competent, great! You're flattering me. Let's get a feast, with this $20. What are you laughing at? Keep this image, got it? - Stop laughing! Cry! - Stop laughing! Cry! Be good, cry, cry now! What are you laughing at! Cry now! That under-graduate hold two choppers. And rushes over while crying and shouting. He's crying loudly. He is capable to play the spirit of a triad member. Thanks for his persistence, He managed to get $20 as a protection money. What are you talking about? Persistence, Aunt Ha. I believe that I'm a good actor, do me a favour please. I have new experience about holding choppers. I'd play well in a kung fu movie. What? You've ought enough trouble to me. How dare you asking me for help? Go away! Sorry, Brother Sunny, he's leaving now. I've looking for you. Make up and get ready. Thanks! Director, we've found the stunt man. You said you can't find one just then? You're wasting my time! I've found one now. You have no problem? No problem, I'll try my best to be the stunt man for Sister Cuckoo. Director, no problem. Light the fire. Director. Beside responding with the hot fire, Can I show an expression of cool loneliness? As you like, As long as you don't turn your face to the camera, get it? Got it. Light the fire, just don't move. Ready. Who put the pigeons here? Director, I put them here intentionally. There're pigeons here in our last shot. If the pigeons fly, they'll stir up the fire. - Take them away. - Director... The mood of this shot will be better if the pigeons are there. How much better? It's hard to say, it's something abstract. Anyway, the mood will be better. Put them up and let's see the effect. That stunt man mustn't turn his head! Director, how do you like it? It's a bit better. Let's try the effect with the pigeon's head towards me. Now put the pigeon's tail towards me. Take it away. Ready. It's better without the pigeons, take it away. Ready. Where's my lighter? Man, ing me a lighter? Director, here it is. - Really? - Yes. - It works? - Yes. Hurry, quick, ready! Ready, keep your posture, don't move. Roll, action! What is it? What's wrong with you? You screwed up every time! Sorry, Brother Sunny, it's very hot here. I've told you already, and you said no problem. Shall we try again? Again? Get a smarter guy. It's your fault, Sunny? Sorry, Director. Get lost! I've tried my best to help you, don't ever come again. Just then... Do you smell BBQ chicken wing? I've sacrificed my arm just for this movie. Unit Manager, give him an over-cooked chicken wing rice lunch box. OK. You, don't ever let me see him again... Or I'll fire you instantly as well! Aunt Ha... Don't ask me anymore. Brother Sunny! Chicken wings rice. Let me see which is over-cooked, the chicken wing or your arm. Not over-cooked, go away now. - Brother Sunny said I have a lunch box. - Go away! Extras are human being as well. What? Repeat it loudly! Aren't extras human? Why must you always jump in me? - You want to know the reason? - I want to know the reason. Because you're not entitled to eat this lunch box! You thought you're talented and teach others acting. You always talk about theory. You teach someone to be a triad member and collect protection money. You're indeed insulting the word 'acting'! Don't shout on, let's get to work. You talk about 'acting' in front of me? Shit! Damn it! They dare to collect protection money from those 2 ice-cream cars? I'm the protector of those 2 ice-cream cars. They don't respect me at all. Men, get some weapons and teach them a lesson. Sau, come with us. You can experience how we fight for our right, and keep guard for us as well. Men, let's go. Little Hung, where are you going? Granny, where are you doing here? You're getting better with you tuberculosis. So mind you catch a cold, have you taken your medicine? Yes, you're going to fight with someone again? No. Don't go. I'm not fighting with anyone. - Don't go fighting. - I'm not. Granny, he isn't going to fight, he's going to act in a play. That Neighbour Theatre, we're playing ''Thunder Storm''. ''Thunder Storm''? It's a good play. Bruce Lee, Bark Yin, Ng Chor Fan did it years ago. There was great response, so we're putting up one more show. We're hurrying for the rehearsal. You're acting in a play? Yes. Good, my grandson is an actor, how smart he is! I'm very happy! OK, come on, go home now. She's put much saliva on my face. Your granny ought you up alone, she's a real heroine. You're not. See how happy she is. Stop fighting anymore, come and join our rehearsal. If you can defeat me, I'll swallow this plate. You aren't convinced? You should speak with stressing tone ''You aren't convinced?'' This is raise my wrath from the inside. No need, as no one is watching. You suddenly want to play ''Fist of Fury''. And make us to wear this costume, this way is too much. I'm doing you a favour, right? - I only want to change the wig. - Let's leave. That girl is pretty, your girlfriend? Sure. - Let's get serious, try again! - Coming. If you can defeat me. I'll swallow this plate. You aren't convinced? Change the position, hurry. We're concentrated when acting on the stage. It's dangerous if you suddenly rush up. I want to join you as you guys were fevering up there. I chose ''Fist Of Fury'' for some commercial reasons. Because there're fighting scenes, audience will like it. The story is consisted of blood and tears. Speaking of blood and tears, I wonder if my spine is injured. Last time I was in a bad mood and I slapped at your face. So I came here to apologize. I'm grateful as you watched our play tonight. - Thanks. - You mean it? Thanks... Thanks. Thanks for your encouragement, I'll remember it. You'll make it! Last time you taught me pretending to be shy... and men really lift up my chin and I said... Morning, Sir. They're all enchanted by me and I'm making lots of money. Really? Surely, I've made a fame in the night-club now. Congratulations. You will become an excellent club girl. Thanks. You will become an excellent damned extra too. Thanks. Looks, it's so dark out there, I can't see anything. No, it'll become scenic when dawn comes. I got to go. Those 3 guys are dead beat. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? Your lips are chapped, you need lip balm? Thanks. I only have this, is it better? Yes, it's better. - You want some more? - No, thanks. Forget it then. Go to hell, asshole! What's wrong with you? I hate people with chapped lips. But I don't want to have chapped lips. Why don't you put some more lip balm then? OK, I'll put on some more! Go to hell, don't force yourself to! I do want to put some more on. I'm warning you, don't nag when I put it on your lips. I've said I want to put on some more. Wait. You asshole! Put it on for me like professional beautician, OK? OK. - Master Hung. - What is it? How much is a night-club hostess charge for overnight? Around $1000 to $1200 with a fair appearance. - What if she's pretty? - How pretty is she then? I mean she's a real beauty. About $1 million to $10 million. Thanks, Boss. What is it? - You're leaving? - Yes. - Where are you going? - Going home. - And then? - Going to work. Is it possible if you don't go to work? Are you supporting my living if I don't go to work? What now? I'll support your living! Take care of your living first, nuts. Whether you despite me or not. I'm an actor. You're talking to me? You're calling yourself an actor, fuck you! You owe me 3 lunch boxes, I want to take them back now. Take them! Dare you take them! Thanks. - Wan Tin Sau! - Stand there! Don't run! Aunt Ha, this is my lunch box. As you like, someone's looking for you. Come on. Mandy, you may go now. Go inside. Put down the lunch box. Close the door! Sister Cuckoo, director. Take this seat. I want you to do an audition now. We're lovers. Here is the dialogue before I die. Take a look. And my role is... You play the role of Wan Tin Sau, and I'll play the role of Cuckoo. OK. - Call ''Action'' now. - Action. Tin Sau... Cuckoo... Tin Sau...I... You will be alright, Cuckoo... I don't think I can make it... Cuckoo, I've encountered too much failure in my life. I'm very tired. If I lose you too. I can't hold on anymore. You...take care. Don't go, Cuckoo... Cuckoo, answer me... Speak to me, Cuckoo, speak something, Cuckoo... Cuckoo... Cut. - Sister Cuckoo, clean it first. - Get lost. What's wrong? A running nose? You were really absorbed in the role. Not only absorbed in it, very stunning too. Let me tell you, I won't wait for Big Brother. You can compromise on the schedule with Big Brother. Who will compromise? I've had it, I want a new partner. You rather use this guy than Big Brother? Don't fucking, sorry. Don't bullshit me, OK? Cause I'm not doing business like this. ''Oh'', don't you bullshit me. We need some new blood. New bloods are all around, but we're making a big budgeted movie. So you can't just introduce a common guy like him to me. He's not a common guy. Mr. Shaw, I've noticed him for quite some time. He's a real professional actor. What professional? We're talking about business here. Don't mix your personal feeling into it, Sister Cuckoo. Let me tell you something man. I'm not going to work with these people and that bitch. I'm not gonna work with this man, I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk about it! Mr. Shaw. I want you to be the leading actor in my next movie. What do you think? Good. Here're the character, background relationship. Scenario, script... And the novel, you may take them home for reference. I think they'll help you a lot. Here're the schedules and the character's images. We'll get your measurement as soon as possible. Any problem? I'll surely have a lunch box everyday? Mama, I don't want to do any business tonight. What? You fool me again. I'm not fooling you. No? You're fooling me right now. Master Lung comes to see you, he's willing to pay a lump sum. You must treat him nicely tonight. Stop fooling now. I don't want to work anymore? You don't want to work? You think you're a virgin. Why don't you just quit. I've fallen in love with someone. I don't know how to thank you for giving me this chance. Just try your very best. I'll input all my strength and time into this movie. I hope your girlfriend won't complain if you can't accompany her. I don't have girlfriend. You'd rather choose love than money? You're nuts! I don't care. You must treat him tonight, whatever you do. We'll talk about it after that. Miss, get up and get your handbag. Master Lung, sorry, I feel sick suddenly. I'm afraid I can't accompany you tonight, sorry. Forget it, don't pretend like a virgin. I have lots of money. Take it, how's that? I'm really feeling sick, I can't. I don't want to hear ''I can't''. Is that clear? Say again. I really can't. Is it hurt? Didn't you say you're a dancing master? Yes, I can dance very well. Then what make you step on my feet? Is it because your pace is a bit too fast? Can you slow down your beat, just for me? OK, just for you. Bitch! Last time I spent over thousands of dollar on you. And now I came here and... you turn me down? You're embarrassing me in front of everybody here. I'll give you another chance. Say it again in front of everybody, can you? I can't. Master Lung, stop beating her. She's a little girl. Master Lung, stop beating her. Can you? I can't! Let's go. Call someone for help! - Morning! - Morning! - Morning! - Morning! - Are you Cuckoo Tu? - Hello. It's you? I'm Lau Piu Piu. I'm your fans, can I've your autograph, please? You're very beautiful, I love watching your movies. It's Cuckoo, ask for her autograph, she's leaving now. In today's movie, You play the role of a waiter at a Chinese restaurant? Or a bell boy a hotel? What's happened at your face? Don't bother. Cuckoo, who are you dating with recently? You guys are neighbours? You know him? Sister Cuckoo helps me, she wants me to be leading actor. - Go to hell. - It's true! Sau, let's go. Mr. Shaw doesn't like to be kept waiting. - Really? - Yes! I've said you can make it someday, remember? I've said he'll make it, he will make it. Cuckoo, ask him if you don't believe me. Sau, Mr. Shaw is flying to the States this afternoon. Let's hurry. I think he wants to talk with you before he departs. Do you remember, I've said you'll make a fame. Didn't I say this to you that night on the beach? I really said that to him on the beach that night. The producer has reserved the shooting range for you. You must practise shooting. He'll also teach you somersault, and spring board. And also fly with wire, you have underwear on? You must wear underwear when flying with me. I have. - OK. - Let's go. Is your friend looking for you? No. I've something to give you back. You took it. Yes, I took it for fun. For fun? Is it funny? No, so I'm giving it back to you. - Anything else? - No. Goodbye. That's all. You said you'll support my living, are you serious? Yes! You mustn't cheat me. I've said yes, I'm only waiting for you to say ''yes''. Why don't you go aside and chat, just don't be late. OK. - Sorry, I'm late. - Never mind, come there. Let me introduce. This is Peter, our Producer, And Johnny, our Associate Producer. Mr. Wan, morning. - Morning! - Morning. - Sit down. - Please sit down. I've analysed the character. I've found there are 3 levels, 4 stages... And 5 different ways to act it. I've written it all down, maybe we can discuss it. Very good. In order to let foreign audience to accept me as a new actor... I'll have to get an English name, Number. Number? Number One? Yes, Number One. Good, excellent. About the image, I also have... Tin Sau, the leading actor was played by Big Brother. As he is too busy, we've decided to use a new actor. Just then he called us up, saying he has time for this movies. So he'll be the leading actor. Then... If so, I can play the role of the scoundrel. For me, this is also a challenge. Sorry, we've chosen the actor who plays the role of scoundrel. Then...I think...there is... Mr. Wan, just as Cuckoo has said... we all know you're a professional actor. Don't worry. We'll get you another role. Thanks. What role is it? You play the role of the lawyer. Read the script, and remember your lines. Get prepared. How many lines are there? You've three. What are they? - The first is: ''What''. - What? - The second is: ''Yes''. - Yes... The third is: ''Go away''. I understand. I'll study them well. Mr. Wan, mind giving us back the script? Tin Sau. - Don't be like this. - Sorry. Mr. Wan, please take off the costume. We have clothes for you to change. This way please. Tin Sau. Sorry. Sister Cuckoo, about the schedule of Big Brother... Go out first. It's usual in movie business. Get out! Shit, I'm a dump of shit. My life is cheaper than ants. You ride a Mercedes, while I pick my nose. It's worse than dying. Shit, I'm a dump of shit. Kid, still want to play a character? - How may lines? - Definitely more than 3. - What kind of role is it? - A good guy. What movies is it? Don't ask so much, are you interested? -Yes. - Come here. What is the situation? I'm working on it. Frankly. I'm not a real Unit Manager. I'm Police Officer, he's my supervisor. We're from Criminal Intelligency Bureau. Or short-formed as C.I.B. To make it simple, I'm an undercover. You're an undercover? You don't believe that? I'm much better than those so-called actors. I'm more skillful. Because I'm acting every day when I work here. Though I have no script, I never make any NG. Because any NG will cause the death of me. So I should be the Best Actor in Oscar. Mighty! Today I should be going on a mission with my informant. But he suffers from epilepsy suddenly, be can't go with me. I want you to substitute him, We'll pay you $800 for being our informant. Money is not important, I only want to practise my acting. You surely can. Big Brother, policemen are outside, you'd better run away. Buddy, just left, I'll stay behind. You betray me? Sorry, I'm an undercover. What make me pull the trigger? I'll go to the robber's place in an hour. And I want to install bugs to collect their criminal evidence. But every time I got there, they'll search me thoroughly. So, I want you to deliver a lunch box to me, with the bugs inside. Then you go away. - You mean I am... - The delivery boy. I have no... Your role is important, grasp the chance. What about the character, the relation and background? The character, the relation and background... are all on the menu of the coffee shops. Study them now. But you must act accordingly when you are on the scene. Why choose me? We need a professional actor. I think that person is you. You're the leading actor this time. What is there in a Mixed Grill? Pork chop, beef steak, chicken wing, sausage, egg. And Set Lunch A? Sunny-side-up-egg, minced beef rice, chicken corn soup. Coffee or tea. And Set Lunch B? Vegetable and pork rice, Chef'ss soup, tea or coffee. - The charge for a cold drink is... - $2. What is served all day round? Chicken thigh salad, hamburger. How much? - $20. - Study it better, man. Chicken thigh salad, hamburger... What is there for in a Mixed Grill? You're a delivery boy now. Remember to play the role well. I'll go into their place soon. I'll order the steamed rice with tomato and egg at once. You must deliver it to me in exactly 10 minutes. Let's start. - It's formal? - Yes. - No more rehearsal? - No. - Could you say ''Action'' first - Action. - Ben. - Mao! Why didn't you ask me to go to Macau with you? I did page you for that. When did you page me? I think you didn't turn the pager on. How come? I turn it on 24 hours. No wonder you're so poor. Hey, check my dick... This bastard takes advantages of others all the time. Feel free to check it. Chu, greet Brother Mao. Just call me Mao, Brother Chu. Leather jacket again? Is it a gathering for leather jacket wears? We've the same design too. I'm here to deliver food... Steamed rice with tomato and egg, $25.5, please. - Kee. - Yes. His jacket is worn out naturally. Look at the texture. His jacket must be worn for at least 20 years. - Your grandpa left it to you? - I bought it recently. Bastard. I want one too. Order some food now. Time for meal. - Come over, help me. - Time to eat. Mao, come here. Let's chat while eating. OK, good dishes! Good dishes? We can eat something much better after the project. Project? Wait...no tomato and egg? I want tomato and egg, I want rice with tomato and egg. No need, want tomato and egg? Here it comes. How come? It's really tomato and egg, bingo. Scrambled egg? No, I want sunny-side-up. Let me order sunny-side-up with tomato. Sunny-side-up? Chu, make one for him now. Why making trouble? Delivery service is convenient. You're asking for trouble indeed. Is it Kuen Fat? How come the delivery is so fast? Yeah, I haven't ordered yet. Why is it taking so long? I still have something else to deliver, men. Have you ordered anything? I ordered it, mutton stew. How come it is here so quick? Is it well done? Ask the cook for that, $39.8 please! - I'll pay. - No need. Why not? Let me pay. - I've said I'll pay. - It's alright. I will pay. You pay next time, it's my bill. No...don't do that. Let me treat you this time! Just $40 and you two push around and around. Why don't you pay by credit card, asshole! What did you say, bastard? Don't move, either you pay now or I'll take it back. Or I'll pay for you. What are you doing? I've said many times, why don't you walk closer? Walk closer and shoot him from the top. Then blood won't splash on the wall. You never listen to me. Can't you be a professional? But delivery boys are very rude these days. They are always like this. Let's eat. Who is it? I'm here to deliver some food. Go and take a look, Chu... How are you, I'm here to delivery some food. OK. Steamed rice with tomato and egg, $25.5 please. You ordered that? No, I haven't. You haven't ordered? Have you come to the wrong place? - No.7. - No.7? It's No.1, send it to No.1. Do you still want it? Are you out of your mind, I didn't order it. Rice with tomato and egg? What do you mean? Are you nuts, Go away. You want rice with tomato and egg, I'll take it. No, someone else ordered it. I said I want it, come here. Come here! Can you give it to us first? What a coincidence! No.1 also ordered rice with tomato and egg. Is tomato and egg good? The egg and tomato are both nutritious. What do you mean nutritious? It contains a lot of Vitamin C. Other fruits contain that too. Other fruits don't contain as much as tomato. You don't want the money? $25.5 please. How come it's so expensive? - It's one and a half order. - How much for one order? $36.8. How come it is more expensive? It's 12.2 for one order. And how much for one and a half order? $36.8. You just said $25.5. It's $25.5. What was served for eakfast this morning? What? What was served for eakfast this morning? Ham and egg. How much is it? $12.2. How much if I want one and a half order? $25.5. How come there is one and a half order for eakfast? You can order two extra sausages. How much if I want 3 extra sausages? Don't do that. How much is it? I'm only a delivery boy. I ask you how much it is. I don't know. How much? I'm really a delivery boy! You are not! Kid, tell us frankly, are you a delivery boy? - I've just started work today! - Just started work today? I didn't know being delivery boy must answer so many questions. Don't fucking fool me? What are you doing? Are you a cop? Yes, what's wrong? I'm really a delivery boy. Nothing...he's an idiot. Search him if you don't believe. Search him! Kid, I let you go now, be smart in future! What is it? Why did you do this? What do you want? What is it? Want to harm me? Sorry, I'm an undercover. Cut. How's that? I'm fine, I'm still alive. I mean my performance. Very well, as this is your first time being the leading actor. Good take. Thanks. I'll call to police. - Police! - Freeze! He's on my side... Call the ambulance! Piu Piu. What's going on? It's dark already, and you didn't give me a call? - Shall l cook dinner for you? - Just then I... What's happen to you? Didn't you play as the leading actor? I don't care whether you're a leading actor or an extra. You must support my living forever. Come on, try it and see if it suits or not. Red? Is it lipstick? You're dating someone else? I forgive you but... I won't cook for you if you dare next time, go! What are you looking at? Fight back, nuts! Piu Piu, I love you. Wait You two mustn't get married! Why? Because you guys are other and sister. Sister, I'm sorry. It's not your business, I'm willing myself. Your mood is wrong for this situation. I've told you before. Mood begins from your heart, then goes to the outside of your body... and returns to the heart, got it? - Yes, got it. - Don't be nervous. I'm not nervous. Sau, I think the role of Master suits you more. Why don't you play it? Forget it, I'm not talented in acting. I'd better be audience. Not at all. You're good. Brother Sau, audience are waiting outside. - Are they? - Hurry up. - Take off your clothes first. - For what? I'll play it. - Oh, no. - Give it to me. But you're not talented. I'm not? Are you talented then? I am. Give it to me! - No. - Sau, stop fighting. Stop fighting, eat potato chips, why fighting for? There're really many audience. Sure, as we have special guests today. Sister Cuckoo comes to help us today. Thanks, Sister Cuckoo. You're welcome, we finally have the chance to act on the same stage. Thanks! Kung Hei Fat Choi! Thanks! Happy New Year. Congraduation! Everybody cheers up. Thanks! Kung Hei!

A Studio Ghibli Film 2001 Nibariki-TGNDDTM Good Luck, Chihiro We' ll meet again Chihiro Chihiro, we' re almost there This really is the middle of nowhere l' ll have to shop in the next town It' ll be great, once we get used to it Look, there' s the school That' s your new school, Chihiro It doesn' t look so bad I liked my old school... Mommy... My flowers died No wonder, the way you clung to them A little water when we get there and they' ll perk right up My very first bouquet is farewell flowers, how sad What about that rose you got for your birthday? One rose isn' t a bouquet You dropped your card I' m opening the window C' mon now, behave yourself It' s a big day for all of us SPIRITED AWAY Hey... Did I take the wrong turn? I don' t get it That must be it, look It must be that blue one over there That' s it I must' ve missed the turn-off I bet this road' ll get us there This is always how you get us lost Just a little farther, OK? What are those little houses? They' re shrines People pray to them Daddy, are we lost? We' re fine, we' ve got 4-wheel drive Sit down, Chihiro You' re going to kill us ! A tunnel?. What' s this strange building?? Must be the way in Honey... Let' s go back, honey Chihiro No... It' s just plaster This building' s pretty new The wind' s going in What is it?? Let' s have a look There' s a way through It' s creepy, Daddy. let' s go back No need to be scared Just a little farther, OK?? The moving van' ll get there before us So, let 'em. they' ve got the keys Let the movers move us I know, but... No !? I won' t go !? Daddy. let' s go back Nothing to be scared of I won' t go !? Chihiro, you wait in the car Mommy Wait Watch your step You' ll make me trip, Chihiro, clinging like that Where ae we? Say, do you hear that?. It' s a train ! Maybe we' re near the station Let' s go and find out What are those houses doing here? I knew it This must be an abandoned theme park They built so many in the early '90s. but they all went down with the economy This must be one of em What ! Even farther ! Let' s go back. Daddy C' mon ! Mommy. that building' s moaning It' s just the wind What a lovely spot We should' ve ought our lunch with us They were making a river Hey, you smell that? See, it smells great You' re right Maybe they' re still open Hurry up, Chihiro Wait for me ! This way Can you believe it, they' re all restaurants Where is everybody?? Over there ! Hey. hey ! In here, here How amazing Hello, anybody here? Come in. Chihiro, it looks delicious Hello ! Oh, don' t worry We can pay them when they get back You' re right That one looks great... I wonder what this is called Delicious ! Chihiro, taste it I don' t want to ! Let' s go i. They' re gonna be mad at us Don' t worry, you' ve got Daddy here I' ve got credit cards and cash Take some, Chihiro, It' s so tender Mustard Thank you Mommy i. Daddy ! Weird... There' s a train ! You' re not allowed here Go back ! Wha... ? It' s almost night ! Leave before it gets dark They' re lighting the lamps Go !? I' ll distract them Get back across the river !? What' s his problem? Daddy ! Daddy. let' s go home Let' s go. Daddy ! Daddy !. Mommy !? Mommy !? It' s water !? This can' t be... I' m dreaming, dreaming ! Wake up ! Wake up !? Wake... up... It' s just a dream, a dream Go away. disappear Disappear I can see through ! It' s a dream, it' s got to be Don' t be afraid, I' m a friend No, no. no !. Open your mouth and eat this Unless you eat something from this world, you' ll vanish No !? Don' t worry It won' t turn you into a pig Chew it and swallow Good girl, you' re fine See for yourself I' m back again... You see? Now come What about my mom and dad?. They didn' t really turn into pigs, did they?? You can' t see them now, but you will Quiet ! It' s looking for you There' s no time, let' s run ! I... I can' t stand ! Oh, no !? My legs don' t work Calm, now Take a deep eath In the name of the wind and the water within thee... Unbind her Get up ! Hold your eath while we' re on the idge Even a tiny eath, will eak the spell and the attendants will see you I' m scared Be calm Welcome Always nice to see you Welcome, welcome I' m back from my task Welcome back. sir A deep eath... And hold... Welcome back ! We missed you ! Hang on. we' re almost... Master Haku ! Where have you... Wha... A human?? Run ! What... Master Haku, Master Haku ! Chase after it A human intruder ! I smell humans ! The stench of humans ! They know you' re here I' m sorry, I took a eath No, Chihiro. you did very well Listen and I' ll tell you what to do Stay here, and they' ll find you I' ll distract them In the meantime. you escape No, don' t go i. Stay with me. please You have no choice, if you want to survive here And save your parents, too So they did turn into pigs... I wasn' t dreaming... Be still... When things quiet down, go out by the back gate Take the stairs. all the way down Until you reach the boiler room, where they stoke the fires Kamaji' s there, so look for him Kamaji?? Ask him for work Even if he rejects you. persist If you don' t work, Yubaba will turn you into an animal Yubaba? You' ll see She' s the sorceress who rules our world Kamaji will turn you away, trick you into you leaving, but keep on asking him for work lt' ll be hard work, but it will give you a chance Then even Yubaba can' t harm you OK Master Haku, Master Haku! I have to go Remember, Chihiro I' m your friend How do you know my name? I' ve known you since you were small My name is Haku Here I am ! Master Haku. Yubaba wants you I know It' s about my task Um... Excuse me Um... Um, are you Kamaji?? Um, Haku sent me here Please let me work here Darn, all at once... Get to work, you little runts I' m... Kamaji Slave to the boilers that heat the baths Step on it, boys ! Um. please let me work here !. I' ve got all the help I need The place is full of soot Plenty of replacements Oh, I' m sorry Please wait Outta the way! Um... What should I do with this?? Do I just leave it?? Finish what you start ! It' s hot Hey, you runts ! Wanna turn back into soot?. And you, watch it You can' t just take someone' s job If they don' t work, the spell wears off Got no work for you here Look elsewhere You sootballs got a problem?. !. Get to work ! To work ! Chow time What? You guys at it again? Cut it out Where' s your bowl? I keep telling you to leave it out Meal time i. Take a eak ! A human ! You' re in trouble ! They' re having a fit about it upstairs That' s my granddaughter Granddaughter !? Says she wants to work, but I' ve got all the help I need Would you take her to Yubaba?? The girl can handle her, I' m sure Not a chance i. And risk my life !??, Take this, then A roasted newt Real quality If you want to work, you' ll have to make a deal with Yubaba Might as well try your luck Fine! You there, follow me Can' t you even manage a Yes ma' am, or Thank you ?? Yes... yes ma' am You sure are slow Hurry !? Yes ma' am What do you need shoes for i. Or socks ! Yes ma' am ! Did you even thank Kamaji? He' s looking out for you Thank you very much, sir Good luck Yubaba lives way up at the top, in the back Get over here !? You wanna lose your nose? We' re almost there Right Here we are Wel... welcome ! This elevator is not in service, sir Please use another He' s following us... Quit gawking Here we are Your room is on the right Lin?. Yes ! What' s that smell? It' s human You reek of human Is that so?? I smell it, I do Smells mighty tasty, too You' re hiding something Tell me the truth. now This smell? Roasted... Gimme ! Not a chance It' s for the other girls l' m begging you I' ll settle for a leg !? Anyone going up, pull down on the lever Not going to knock?? !. What a puny little girl Come closer... I said closer Ouch... You 're making a racket Keep it down Um... Please let me work here Stop babbling You' re just a useless weakling Besides, this is no place for humans It' s a bath house, where 8 million gods can rest their weary bones Your parents had some nerve ! Gobbling our guests' food like pigs ! Just desserts, I' d say And you' ll never see... your world again either You' d make a Iovely piglet Or maybe a lump of coal I see you' re trembling Actually, I' m impressed you made it this far Someone must' ve helped you I must thank your friend Just who was it, my dear?. You can tell me Please let me work here ! Not that again ! I want to work here ! Shut Up ! Why should I hire you?, Anyone can see you' re a lazy. spoiled, crybaby Stupid to boot I' ve nothing for you Forget it l' ve got all the bums I need around here Or maybe you' d like the worst, nastiest job I' ve got, until you eathe your very last eath?, ! Stop that ! What' s wrong... l' ll be right there That' s a good baby, now What?. You still here ! Get out ! I want to work here ! Don' t shout I' ll be right there... That' s a good baby, there, there Please let me work ! OK, OK. just pipe down There, there, now Your contract Sign your name I' ll put you to work But one peep out of you about anything, and I' ll turn you right into a piglet ! Um, I sign my name here?? That' s right Quit dilly-dallying and do it Unbelievable That ridiculous oath I took To give work to whoever asks Signed it?. Yes You' re Chihiro, huh?. Yes What an extravagant name From now on, you' ll be Sen You got that?. You' re Sen Answer me, Sen ! Yes... Did you call? This child' s starting work as of now Look after her Yes Your name?. What?? Chi... Oh, I' m Sen Follow me, then, Sen Haku... Um... No idle chatter Call me Master Haku Even on Yubaba' s orders... We can' t allow humans Her contract' s signed What... ? Thank you. everyone Don' t send her to us Can' t bear that human stink Three days of eating our food and her smell will vanish If she' s still useless then, fry her, boil her, do with her as you will Back to work ! Where' s Lin?. Don' t dump her on me !? You wanted help That' s right, Lin' s just perfect Go. Sen Yes sir What a pain You' re gonna pay for this Off you go ! C' mon So you pulled it off, huh?? ! You' re so thick, I was worried Keep your wits, now If you need something, ask me, OK?. What' s wrong I' m dizzy So this is our room Chow, then bed. you' ll be fine You wash your own apron ! Trousers ! You' re so puny Too big... Um. Lin... What?? Are there two Hakus here?? Two?? !, Of him?. I sure hope not Still too big He' s Yubaba' s henchman Watch out for him Where the... Here they are What' s wrong?. Are you OK? What' s all the fuss, Lin?? New girl Says she feels faint Meet me at the idge I' ll show you your mother and father My shoes... Thank you Follow me Daddy, Mommy, it' s me !? It' s Sen Mommy. Daddy ! Are they sick or hurt?? No, they ate too much Sleeping it off They don' t even remember being human Daddy, Mommy, I promise I' ll save you ! Don' t get too fat, or they' ll eat you ! Hide these I thought they were gone You' ll need them when you to get home This was a farewell card... Chi-hi-ro Chihiro... That' s my name Yubaba rules others by stealing their names You' re Sen here, but keep your real name a secret She almost got mine I' d nearly turned into Sen If she steals your name, you' ll never find your way home I no longer remember mine Your real name? But it' s strange I remembered yours Go ahead, eat, you must be hungry I don' t want to I put a spell on it to give you back your strength, eat it You' ve had a hard time Eat some more Can you find your way back?? Yes, Haku, thank you I' ll work very hard Good Where were you?. I was worried I' m sorry Outta my way That the best you can do?? You and Sen get the big tub as of today What! But that' s Frog work ! Orders from the top Better give it your all Aren' t you... getting wet? Hurry up, Sen ! Coming ! I' ll leave this open On the big tub, Lin?? Lay off me Jerks ! They haven' t scrubbed this in ages ! This bath is reserved for our filthiest guests It' s caked with sludge Lin, Sen, first customers are here Right away... Shoot. clearly harassment This tub needs an herbal soak Get a tag from the foreman A tag?? An herbal soak tag Right What' s a foreman, Lin?? Something' s coming I wonder what Some useless scum, under cover of rainfaIl... I can' t waste that on you! Why good morning ! Feeling refreshed?? For Kasuga sama One deluxe sulfur soak No point in standing there Back to work ! Scrub with your hands Good morning Your hands, I say But... Um... It has to be an herbal soak You sure are dense Oh... A fragrant bath coming up Relax and enjoy... Hello, foreman he're Yes, ma' am... Thank you so much ! That' s not... Hey, you. wait ! What' s the trouble? Why, nothing at all... We have an intruder Is it human?? You figure it out Haku' s out today Wow. you got a really good one This goes to Kamaji Water' ll be right up, it' s not too busy now Yank on this for hot water You' re such a klutz Look at that color That' s the dried worm salts With water this murky who' s gonna see the sludge Yank it again when it' s full It' ll stop Go ahead, let go I' ll get our eakfast Sure ! Ouch ! Um... The bath' s not ready yet But, there are so many... Wha... They' re for me?. But... I don' t need this many No. just one Madam! It' s a Stink God? ! An Extra Large Stinker at that Headed straight for the idge Please turn back Please withdraw! The bath is closed for the night Please withdraw, please! Peeeee-ewy... Something' s fishy Didn' t seem like a Stink God. to me... Well, now that it' s here. better go greet it ! Just try to get rid of it, as fast as you can We' re so'rry, please retire to your rooms So terribly sorry ! Please hurry ! Lin and Sen, Yubaba' s calling Yes sir !, Listen. this is your first job You take this customer in the big tub Um... um... One peep out of you and you' re coal ! Got that?. It has arrived Don' t insult the customer ! Welggum to our bazzs... Oh... Money... ! Sen, hurry, take it ! Yes ma' am Zhow him de bazz Pl... Pleazze Sen ! Awful... Our food... Open the windows ! All of 'em ! What?. Just a minute Truly filthy. no?. This is no laughing matter Let' s see what she does Ah, she intends to re-fill the tub Oh, no, soiling the walls with those filthy hands ! Did you give Sen new tags? Never, what a waste ! Oh no!. All that precious herbal formula! Sen! Sen, where are you! Lin! You OK?? I asked Kamaji to give us all the water he' s got! He' s sending the best herbal soak ever ! Thank you He' s got a thorn stuck in him A thorn !?. It' s in so deep, it won' t come out ! Thorn!?. She said thorn ! Rally the help downstairs! Step on it! Sen and Lin! that' s no Stink God in there ! Grab this rope! Yes ma' am! Hold on tight! Yes ma' am! Hustle now, and get the women to help them I tied it ! Everyone, all of you ! All together now! Heave ! And heave ! And heave ! And heave ! A bicycle?? As I suspected! Now, pull! Now, heave! And heave ! Sen, you OK!?? Well done...

Gold dust! Gold! It's gold! Hands off ! That' s company property! Be still Our guest is still with us Sen, you' re in our guest' s way Get out and open the door Open the main gates ! He' s leaving ! Sen ! You did great ! You made us a bundle ! That River God' s famous You can all learn from Sen Sake' s on the house, tonight! Now i. Time to hand over all that gold you picked up ! Want some?. I swiped it Thank you Man, oh, man I didn' t see Haku Not Haku again He just disappears sometimes They say Yubaba makes him do bad stuff Really... Lights out, Lin Right There' s a town Looks like the ocean... What did you expect after all that rain Some day, I swear l' ll get to that town I' m gonna get out of here What' s wrong ! Gold ! Who are you?. You' re no customer You' re not allowed in there ! Hey ! It' s gold, gold ! It' s for me !?? You can make gold?? Gimme ! Who goes there?? It' s way past bedtime Hey boss. I' m hungry Starving That voice... There. I' lI pay you now I' m a customer, I want a bath! Wake everyone up ! Mommy, Daddy, the River God gave me this cake l' m sure if you eat them, you' ll turn back into people Dad, Mom. where are you?? Daddy ! Awful dream Lin... ? Where is everybody?? Wow... it really did turn into an ocean ! I can see where Mom and Dad are from here Kamaji' s already lit the fires? Did I sleep that long?? The customer' s waiting Hurry it up ! Serve everything you' ve got, even leftovers ! Sen ! Lin I was just going to wake you up Look ! Real gold He gave it to me This guest' s a real high roller Please, sir, try this ! Taste the very best ! Throw us some gold! Your blessings ! I' m starving, ing it all ! Please sir ! That guest... Come, Sen, Yubaba' s still asleep Now' s your chance I' m going to see Kamaji I wouldn' t go right now He' s in a foul mood 'cause they woke him up Let' s go back for more, Lin What if I don' t 'recognize my parents?. I hope Dad hasn' t gotten too fat The dragon I saw before It' s coming this way ! What are they?. Not birds Fight back, Haku! This way Haku! Haku! Oh... It' s just paper... Haku?. That is you. right?? Are you hurt?. Those paper birds are gone You' re safe. now He' s going to Yubaba... Oh, no !. He' ll die ! The very richest man in the whole wide world That man himself, is now approaching Welcome ! Time to beg for tips Start begging Please, sir ! Over here ! Now beg Now beg Gold springs from his palms Toss some this way, sir !, Hey, what are you doing?. I' m going upstairs No, you don' t What' s this ! It' s blood ! Move, move Let our guest through Thank you for helping me before Don' t just stand there... I don' t want any Don' t need any I' m busy, please excuse me Quiet ! Quiet down ! Back, get back ! Please forgive her manners After all, the girl is only human and new here... Wipe that smile off your face I saw that look Why, I would never... He ate them! Yubaba? We' re in a fine mess, now Actually, he' s a No Face That' s right, a No Face ! Your greed attracted quite a guest, all right Don' t do anything stupid until I get down there Look, the carpet' s a mess Get Haku out of here He' s no use to me now Sleeping outside of your crib again?. Oh, l' m sorry, you were sleeping like such a good baby Baba still has work to do Go back to sleep now Good baby Ouch, let go! Oh, thank you for helping me But I' m in a hurry Please let me go You came here to make me sick Bad germs outside, bad l' m a human Maybe you never saw one before You' ll get sick out there Stay here and play with me Are you sick?. l' m in here 'cause I' ll get sick outside It' s staying in here that' ll make you sick ! You see, somebody I really care about got hurt very badly So I' ve got to go right now Please let go of my arm! If you go. I' ll start crying If I cry, Baba will come and kill you I' ll eak your little arm That hurts! Please, I' ll come play with you later No. I wanna play now!, That' s blood! Get it ! It' s blood ! Haku! Stop, go away !. Scat. scat ! Haku! It is you, right? ! Hang on ! Be quiet ! Haku ! Shoo, shoo, go away Oh. no ! I' m not afraid of blood I' ll cry if you don' t play Please be a good boy and wait If you don' t play with me, I' ll cry... Please. wait ! What a racket Simmer down You' re a little butterball, aren' t you?? Guess I' m still a little transparent Baba Oh, dear, can' t you even tell me from your own mother?. There, that gives you a little more freedom Let' s see now... What shall we turn you into?. This is our little secret You tell anyone, I' ll rip your mouth out Who are you? Yubaba' s twin sister Thanks to you, I' ve had a good look at this place, enjoyed myself Now hand over the dragon What do you want with Haku?. He' s badly hurt That dragon' s a thief, my sister' s lackey Stole a precious seal from my house Haku would never !. He' s so kind All dragons are kind Kind and stupid Eager to learn my sister' s magical ways This boy here will do anything that greedy woman wants Move away It' s too late for him anyway The seal was protected by a charm... Any who try to steal it must die No. you can' t ! What' s gotten into them?. Hey there, cut it out ! Go back to your room Oh. dear, seems I was careless Haku ! Oh. no ! Haku ! What on earth is this ! Hey ! Just wait Haku! Does it hurt?? This is serious Haku, don' t give up !. Oh. no, he' s going to die ! There' s something inside him that' s killing him Inside him !? It' s a good spell Nothing I can do Haku. the River God gave me this Eat them, maybe they' ll help Haku. open your mouth! Please, Haku, eat it ! See, they' re safe Are those the herbal cakes? Open That' s a good boy... That' s it Swallow ! He spit it out ! That' s it ! The seal ! It got away ! There ! Over there ! Gross, gross, Sen ! Totally gross Gross out ! Haku took this from Yubaba' s sister, Kamaji From Zeniba?. A witch' s seal ! Precious loot. I' d say Oh... I knew it was Haku ! Look, Kamaji, it' s Haku ! Haku ! Haku ! Haku ! Kamaji! He' s not eathing Yes he is, but he' s still gravely ill from the spell... That should calm him some Haku turned up one day here, just like you Said he wanted to learn magic I didn' t approve... becoming a sorcerer' s apprentice... I warned him, but he wouldn' t listen Said he had nowhere left to go Signed up to be Yubaba' s apprentice As time went by, he turned increasingly pale, and his eyes took on a sharp gleam Kamaji, l' m going to give this back to Yubaba' s sister Give it back, apologize, and ask her to help Haku Tell me where she lives Go to Zeniba' s? She' s one scary sorceress Please Haku helped me Now I want to help him You can get there all right... But getting back... Wait here Let' s see now... It' s around here, I think... Everyone, I need my shoes and my clothes. please Sen ! I hunted for you everywhere ! Lin That' s Haku What happened here... Who are these guys?? My new friends Yubaba' s tearing the place apart looking for you The big tipper turned out to be a horrible monster. No Face Yubaba says you led him here Maybe I did You serious?. !. I just thought he was a customer... He' s already swallowed two Frogs and a Snail ! Found it ! Here it is, Sen! We' re busy, gramps You can use this That' s a train ticket Where' d you get that?? I' ve had it for 40 years Now listen, it' s the 6th stop. called Swamp Bottom Swamp Bottom?? That' s right, it' s the 6th stop The 6th stop Make sure you get it right There used to be a return train, but these days it' s a one-way ride Still interested?. Yup I' ll walk back, along the tracks But what about Yubaba? I' ll go to her now I promise l' ll be back, Haku You can' t die What' s going on here? Don' t you see?. It' s called... Love... It just keeps getting bigger ! Don' t let it swallow me ! Here she comes ! Thank goodness, Sen ! Yubaba can' t control him There' s no need to get upset I' m sure Sen will turn up Where' s Sen ! I want Sen ! Go. hurry Yubaba, it' s Sen Where were you! Sen has come, dear guest We' ll be right with you What took you so long ! This is a complete disaster ! Suck up to him and squeeze all his gold out of him What' s that filthy rat?? ! Don' t you recognize him?. Of course not. how disgusting ! Now. in you go Call if you need us Is she all right in there by herself?? Want to take her place?? Try this, it' s yummy Want some gold?. I' m not giving it to anybody else Come over here, Sen What is it you want?. You can tell me Where did you come from?. There' s someplace I have to go right away You should go back where you came from You can' t help me with what I want Where' s your home?. Don' t you have a mom and dad? I don' t wanna... Don' t wanna... I' m lonely, lonely... Can' t you get back home? I want Sen, want Sen Take the gold Are you going to eat me?. Take it ! Take it ! If you' re going to eat me, have these first I was saving them for my parents but you can have them Sen ! Girl! What did you feed me? ! Out of my way ! Not on my premises ! Over here Here ! You' lI pay for this ! Sen, over here ! There he is Over here ! Don' t call him over He' s only bad in the bath house He needs to get out of there But take him where?? I don' t know... You don' t know... He' s following us From here, you walk OK You' ll find the station Thank you You better come back ! OK I know I called you a klutz ! I take it back! No Face, if you so much as touch that girl, you' lI pay for it ! There it is Train' s coming. here we go I' m riding to Swamp Bottom You want to come, too?? Him too. please Come here Behave yourself, OK?? Kamaji Oh. Haku... You' re awake Where' s Sen? What happened, please tell me Don' t you remember anything?? Just little pieces Chihiro kept calling my name in the darkness I followed he'r voice and woke up lying here... Chihiro, huh... Her real name' s Chihiro?? Can' t beat the power of love... This gold hardly covers the damage That fool, Sen ! She just cost me a fortune But. Sen did save us, after all Silence ! She started it all. and now she' s run away Even abandoned her own parents! Her parents must be fine fat pigs by now Turn them into bacon or ham Please wait Master Haku! What, you still alive? You still can' t see that you' ve lost something precious? You' ve gotten pretty fresh Since when do you talk that way Baby... Baby ! It' s nothing but sand! Baby ! Where are you. baby ! Come out, please ! Baby ! Baby, baby ! You! Tell me ! Where did you hide my baby?? ! He' s with Zeniba Zeniba? I get it, that evil witch So she thinks she' s beaten me So, what' s your plan?? I' ll ing the baby back But in exchange, return Sen and her parents to the human world And what becomes of you? ! Let' s say I tear you to pieces after sending them back ! I think this is the right stop... Let' s go You can ride on my shoulder Come in Excuse us Well, hurry up and come in, then C' mon So you all made it Um... Have a seat I' ll make you some tea Zeniba, Haku stole this from you I ought it back Do you know what this is?. No, but I know it' s very precious I' m he're to apologize for Haku I' m sorry You felt fine while you held it?. What?? What' s this?. The spell is gone l' m sorry I stepped on that strange bug that was on the seal and squashed it Squashed it ! You know, my sister snuck that bug into the dragon, so she could control her apprentice Squashed it ! You sit too You' 're No Face, aren' t you?. You sit, too Oh, um, please turn them back into themselves Why my dears, the spell' s long oken You can turn yourselves back My sister and I are two halves of a whole, but we really don' t get along You' ve seen what bad taste she has Sorceress twins are just a recipe for trouble l' d like to help you, dear but there' s nothing I can do It' s one of our rules here You' ve got to take care of your parents and that dragon boyfriend of yours, on your own But, um, can' t you even give me a hint?? I feel like Haku and I met, a long time ago In that case, it' s easy Nothing that happens, is ever forgotten, even if you can' t remember it It' s already late Why don' t you stay the night?. You boys give me a hand Keep at it That' s right, you' re terrific You' re a big help... A magic one won' t do the trick Pull it th'rough there... And do it again I really have to go home, granny Haku could die while I' m just sitting here... They might eat my mom and dad ! Just wait a little longer There we are Use it tie back your hair It' s so pretty lt' ll protect you I made it from the thread they spun Thank you What good timing We' ve got another guest, let him in Sure Haku! Haku! Thank goodness Aren' t you hurt?. You sure you' re OK? Thank goodness Good timing, I' d say Look, granny. Haku' s alive Haku, I no longer blame you for what you did Just be sure you protect the girI OK, boys. time you went home Come again soon You, stick around and be my helper Granny ! Thank you. I' m going now I' m sure you can manage everything My real name is Chihiro Chihiro... what a nice name Take good care of it, it' s yours I will ! Off you go Thank you, granny Good bye Listen, Haku I don' t remember it, but my mom told me... Once, when I was little, I fell into a river She said they' d drained it and built things on top But I' ve just remembered The river was called... Its name was the Kohaku River Your real name is Kohaku Chihiro, thank you My real name is Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi Nigihayami?. Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi What a name Sounds like a god I remembe'r too, how you fell into me as a child You had dropped your shoe Yes, you carried me to shallow water, Kohaku I' m so grateful... They' re back ! You ought Baby back with you, right? Baba ! You' re not hurt?. What a terrible time you had Baby, you' re standing all by yourself?. When?? Yubaba, you promised Please return Chihiro' s family to the human world Not so fast This world has rules. you know ! Shut up ! Baba, what a miser Just can it Baby had such a good time But, a rule' s a rule Otherwise I can' t eak the spell If you make Sen cry, I won' t like you anymore, Baba Why that' s... Granny Granny !?. I' m coming to you Haku told me all about the rule Least you' ve got guts Here' s your contract Come over here I won' t be a minute, Baby Don' t worry See if you can guess which of them are yours You only get one guess Get it right, and you' re all free Granny, this is no good My parents aren' t here Not here?. ! That' s your answer?? Yes Bingo ! Thatta girl! Right on! Thank you. everyone Go ! You win Just get out of here !? Thank you for everything Good bye Thank you Come and see us Haku Let' s go Where are Mom and Dad?? They' ve gone on ahead There' s no water ! I can' t go any farther Go back the way you came, Chihiro But don' t ever look back Not until you' re out of the tunnel What about you, Haku? l' ll speak to Yubaba Quit my apprenticeship l' m fine. now that I have my name back I' ll go back to my world. too Can we meet again?, I' m sure Promise Promise Now go, and don' t look back Chihiro ! Where have you been?. Hurry up Mom ! Dad ! You can' t just run off like that Away we go Mom, are you sure you' re OK? What?. I' m sure the moving van' s there by now Hurry along, Chihiro Watch your step You' ll make me trip, Chihiro clinging like that The end of the tunnel Hey... What is it?? Will you look at that It' s all dusty inside. too Some kind of joke? You think?? I told you not to stop here OK. let' s go We' re off, Chihiro Hurry up. Chihiro ! VOICES Chihiro HllRAGl Rumi Haku IRINO Miyu Yubaba NATSUKI Mari Father NAlTO Takashi Mother SAWAGUCHI Yasuko Chichi-yaku KAMlJO Tsunehiko Ani-yaku ONO Takehiko Kamaji SUGAWARA Bunta Chief Executive Producer TOKUMA Yasuyoshi Executive Producers MATSUSHITA Takeyoshi, UJllE Seiichiro, NARITA Yutaka, HOSHlNO Koji, UEMURA Banjiro & AIHARA Hironori Original story and screenplay by MIYAZAKI Hayao Original Music by HISAISHI Joe Theme Song Lyrics by KAKU Wakako Music and Performed by KIMURA Youmi English Translation by Linda HOAGLUND, Judith ALEY, MORlYOSHl Ha'ruyo and Steve ALPERT English Presented by Tokuma Shoten, Studio GhibIi. Nippon Television Netwo'rk, Dentsu, Buena Vista Home Entertainment Tohokushinsha Film and Mitsubishi Produced by Studio Ghibli Producer SUZUKI Toshio Directed by MIYAZAKI Hayao The End

How about a ride Mister? Jennifer... oh man, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. Let me look at you Marty you're acting like you haven't seen me in a week. I haven't. Are you okay? It everything okay? Oh yeah, Everything is great! Marty! You got to come back with me. Where? Back to the future! Wait a minute, what are you doing Doc? I need fuse. Quick, get in the car. No, no, no, Doc I just got here. Jennifer is here, We going to take the new truck for a spin. Well, ing her along. This concern her too. Wait a minute. What are you talking about what happened? What happened in the future? Have I become an asshole or something? No, no, no, Both you and Jennifer turn out fine It your kids Marty! Something's gotta be done about your kids. Hey! Doc we better back up. We haven't got enough road to go up 88. Roads? Where we going we don't need... Roads! Hey Marty! Marty! I want to show you... What the hell is going on here? What the hell is that? Taxi cab! What do you mean the taxi cab? I thought we are flying! Precisely! Okay Doc, what going on huh? Where are we? When are we? We're setting towards Hill-Valley California. At 4:29 pm on Wednesday October 21st 2015 Two thousands fifteen. You mean we're in the future. Marty, what do you mean? How can we be in the future? Er...Jennifer I don't know how to tell you this. But you're in a time machine! And this is the years 2015? October 21st 2015 God! You were kidding? Why we can actually see our future You said we are married right? Yeah. Was it a big wedding? Marty we can see our wedding. I'll be able to see my wedding dress. With a big house and lots of kid. How many kids... -Doc, what the hell are you doing? Relax Marty, It’s just a sleep producing alpha rhythc generator, She is asking too many questions. Nobody suppose to know too much about their future. When she wakes up, she'll think is all a dream What did you ing her for? I had to do something. She's in a time machine I couldn't leave her without information Don't worry, she's not essential to my plan. First you got to change clothes. Right now? It's pouring with rain! Right time more set. Right on the tick. Amazing Absolutely amazing. Today the post office isn't efficiency as the weather service. I'm afraid you wouldn't recognise me. With all the rejuvenation clinic. And took out winkles from the hair to head. Change of blood Change 30 to 40 years of my life. What do you think? -You look great Doc! The future...unbelieveable. I got to check this out Doc. With all the time Marty. We're on a tight schedule here? Tell me about my future Doc? I mean... Will I become a rich rock star? Please Marty, No one should know about too much about their own yesterdays. Right, Right. I am rich right? Marty please, take off you shirt. And the jacket and the shoes. Precisely on schedule. Without laces, all right! This thing doesn't fit I'm adjusting fit. Flung out your pant pockets All kids in the future wear their pants inside out. Wear this cap. Perfect. You're the spliting image of your future son. What? -Help me move Jennifer over here. So what the deal? -Grab her feet. Okay now what? In exactly 2 minutes. You are going round the corner in to the cafe Eighties. Cafe Eighties? Is one of those astounding place not done very well. No in ordering a Pepsi. Here a fifty. And wait for a guy name Griff. -Aright Griff. Right, Griff going to ask you about tonight? Are you in or out, tell him you are out. Whatever he said, what ever happened, Say no, you aren't interested. And leave and come back here to wait for me. Don't talk to anyone. Don't touch anything. Don't do anything, Don't interact with anyone. And tries not to look at anything. I don't get it. I thought you said this is something to do with my kids. Look whan happened to your son! My son! God! It just looked like me. Within two hours of his arrest Martin McFly junior was tried convicted a sentence 15 years To the state penitentiary Within two hours? Just as the system worked so swiftly in the future now days. Abolished all lawyers. -This is heavy. It'll get worse. Next week all the attempts to eak him out of jail She gets penalty for 20 years. My daughter? Wait a minute I have a daughter? You see this one event chain reaction completely destroyed your entire family Doc, this is tomorrow newspaper. Precisely, I already when further headed into time. To see what else happened. I back track everything to this one event. That's why we are here today. To prevent this incident from ever happening Damned I'm late. Wait a minute, where are you going now? When to accept the real Marty Junior. You're taking his place round the corner Cafe Eighties Carly Griff Just say no. Hey! What about Jennifer We can't just leave her here. Don't worry she'll be safe it'll be just a few minutes Marty be careful on that Carly Griff. He got a few short circuits. The future. Welcome to Texaco. If you lost your car the system, we will serve. Check the oil, check the gear. Sharks still looks fake. Hi there, Goldie Wilson third Wilson's Hollywood convertion system. You know when my Granpa was Mayor of Hill-Valley. He had to worry about traffic problem. But now you don't have to worry about traffic Our road car into sky way flyer for only 3999.95. So come on down . See me Goldie Wilson the third. At 29 convenient Location Welcome to the cafe. We alway morning in America and evening in the afternoon Our special today... Hey! Hey stop! All I want is a Pepsi. Hey McFly! Yeah! I seen you around. You're Martin McFly kid aren't you? Biff? You're Martin Junior Tough eak kid! Must be rough after being a complete butthead. What's that suppose to mean? Hello! Hello! Anybody home? Think McFly! Think! Your old man still a loser! -What? That's right, Loser with a capital 'L'. I happen to know George McFly... -No, No I'm not talking about George McFly. I'm talking about his kid. Your old man, Marty McFly senior. The man who took his life, and flushed it completely down the toilet. I did... I mean he did? Hey Gramps! I told you to wax my car not just once. Hey! Hey! I just put the second coat on last week. Yeah? With your eyes closed? Are you two related? Hello! Hello! Anybody home? What do you think? He just called me Grandpa for his health? He's Griff Gramps ! What the hell am I paying you for? Hey Kid! Said hello to you grandma for me. Hey McFly! Don't go any where! You're next. This is a video game. I got it working. My dad taught me how these... How do you play these thing? I'll show you kid, I'm crack shot at these. You mena you have to use your hands? -That's like a baby's toy! Babie's toy? -Pepsi perfect... -Damned! McFly! I thought I told you to still in there! How's it going? -McFly! Yeah? -McFly! What? -Your shoes on belt! So McFly! Have you made a decision? About tonight opportunity? Yeah I'm thinking about it. I'm not sure. Because it might be a little bit dangerous It's wrong McFly You got no gut? What a complete wimp. What it going to be McFly? Are you in or out? I not...sure I'm sure you know. Because I think I should discuss it with my father. No answer McFly? Okay I'll do it I'll do it buddy whatever you say. Stay down and shut up! Sit back down you two. Now, Let hear the right answer. Whow, Since when did you are the physical type? The answer is no Griff! No -Are you deaf and stupid? I said no! What wrong McFly? Chicken? What did you called me Griff? Chicken McFly! No buddy, no one called me... Chicken. All right punk! -Hey look! Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. Little girl stop. Little girl stop. Hey! -I need to borrow your...board. Something very familiar about all this. Hey McFly the board can't go in water. Oh shit! -Butthead! Drying up now, -Drying up. Your jacket is now dry. Hey thanks little girl. -Keep it. I got a pit board now. -Save the clock tower. Give me a hundred bucks and help to save the clock tower. Er...sorry no. -That's an important historical landmark Some other time. Wait a minute, Clubs world war series. Against Miami? Something like that. Who would have thought 100 for one shot. I wish I can go back to the beginning of the season and put some money on the cup. I mean Miami? What did you just said? I said I wish I can go back to the beginning of the season and put some money on the cubbies. Now this is an interesting features It has a duff jacket. It used to have these to protect the covers. Of course that was before you have to pay for it. And you are interesting we have the 1980 It called the dustbuster. Marty, Marty! -I can't lose. Up here! -Hey doc what's going on? Standby I'll park over there. -All right. I haven't seen one of those in 30 years. Sorry. Hey I'm walking here! I'm walking. What the hell! Two of them? I have to go to the animation kennel. Einstein never knew I was gone. Marty! What in the name of Sir Isengate happened here? Hey Doc listen, my kid showed up. All hell oke loose. You're kid? I was afraid of this! Because I used a shot of gel there weren't enough power left I got shut out for a full hour! Doc! Doc! Doc! Look at this, it's changing. Yes, yes of course. Because this incident has now occured. Griff now go to jail. Before your son goes with them tonight The robbery will never take place. The history, the future history has now been altered. And this is the proof. Marty we have succeeded let get Jennifer and go home. What this? -A sovereign. Fifty years I supposed it said. Hardly recreation reading material Marty. Hey Doc! What the harm in inging a little info on the future. Maybe we can place a couple of bets. Marty I didn't invented the time machine for financial gain. The intend was getting clearer perception of your humanity. Where we been! Where we going! The pit-fall, the possibility, The pedals and the promises. Perhaps even the answer of the universal questions. Why? -Hey Doc what for then? What's wrong making a few bucks on the side? I'm going to put this in the past. Jennifer got! McFly Jennifer Jane Parker. 3793 O'Curse street. Hill Dales Age 47 -47 That the hell of a good face lift What the hell are they doing, Doc? They're using the thumb print to accessing her I.D. Since her thumb print haven't changed over the year They simply assume she the Jennifer from the future How do we stop them? What are we going to say? Hey! We from the time travel. We'll be committed. She clean that mean we can take her home Home in Hill Dales. It'll be dark by the time we get there. To your future home! We have to get her out back in 1985 You mean I never seen where I lived. I never seen myself as an old man. No, no, no Marty, that can insult her. Jennifer can see the entire her future self. The consequences of that can be disasters. Doc, What do you mean? I foreseen two possibability, One, Coming face to face with herself 30 years older put her into shots and simply pass out Or two the encounter will create time paradox. The results which will cause a team reaction for the arriving of the fa ic space continual and destroy the entire universal. The worst case scenario, the destruction will in fact similar to our galaxy. Well, that's a relief. Lets go, I hope to find Jennifer before she find herself. The skyway train will take forever to get there. And this stays here I invented the time machine not for gambling I invented the time machine that travel through time. I know, I know. So Dr. Emmett Brown invented the time machine. Hill Dale. Nothing but a eathing ground of tracks, logos and zipped heads Yeah! We had to tear this whole place down Welcome come home Jennifer. You alright? You got us a little tricked -But I think you can walk. Madame. You sure re-programm It's dangerous to enter without light on. Lights on? Er...look, just take it easy and you'll be fine. And be careful in the future. The future? Have a nice day Mrs McFly. I'm in the future. I get to married in an 'Chapel O Love' -Oh mum? Mum is that you? I got to get out of here! -Mum? Mum? Mum? Is that you? Grandma Lorraine! -Sweet heart! What happened to Grandpa? He always back out again. How's Grandad little pumkin? How do you do that? How do he do that? Right on a golf course. Are your folks home yet? I have pizzas for everyone! Who gonna eat all that? -Oh, I will. Damm this traffic.. Jennifer get home around now I hope we're not too late. What it is? What the matter Doc? I don't know I thought I saw a taxi in my rear display I thought he was following us. Weird. I can't believe this window it's still oken. When the scene repair man called Daddy a chicken Daddy threw him out of the house. Now he can't get anyone to fix it. You father biggest problem, Marlence Is that he loses all self-control when someone called him chicken Mum I can't let him think I'm chicken. You're right Well, you're right. About 30 years ago, Your father tried to prove he wasn't chicken So he ended up in an accident. You mean with the Roll Royal. An accident? All right Marty. Let's find Jennifer. I can't believe I live in Hill Dales. This is great. Marty stays here, changes clothes. I need your holler. Come on Doc, I want to check out my house We can't risk you running into your older self. Come on Marty, Lets go. Hill-Dales. That will be one seventy four fifty. -Here. Be careful, this is a rough neighbourhood Where's my receipt? That accident cause a chain reaction That send Marty life straight down the tools If it not for that accident, Your father life would have turned out very differently. A man of Roll Royel couldn't press charged. Marty wouldn't oken his hand and wouldn't given up his music And wouldn't spend all those years feeling sorry for himself. Hey mum ! Nice pants. Mum? Grandma, I want channels 18,24,63,197 the weather channel. Welcome home Marty! Hey, hey dad is home. Dad's home. Hello,Hello. Hello? What the hell is this? That better, damm kid. Watching T.V for a change? Hey! Tea time! I'm hungry. Grandma. Can I just shove it in my mouth? Don't you be a smart ass. Level four please. Is it ready? -Here you go! Oh boy, Oh boy, mum. You sure can hydrated a pizza. Jennifer miss that whole thing. I'm worried about Jennifer Why isn't she home yet? I'm not sure where Jennifer is mum. I saw her a couples of hours ago. It hard keeping track these day -Fruits please Aren't you and Jennifer getting along? Oh yeah, great mum, like a couples of teenages. Dad telephone is Needles. Dad is for you. All right then -Trapped Hello? Hey! Hey is the big M How's it hanging McFly? Needles? So did you take a look at the little business propsal of mine? I don't know Needles -What are you afraid of? Is this thing works, it will solve all your financal problem. And if it doesn't work Needles I could get fired. It's illegal I mean what if they changes man huh? That shit would never find out Come on.. Stick your card in the slot it will handle it Unless you got a little divison to think here? Chicken! No buddy! Called me a chicken Needles, No buddy All right, prove it! All right, All right Needles. Here's my card, scan it. Thanks McFly, I see you at the park tomorrow. McFly! I was monitoring that scan, you just interface! You are terminated! Terminated? No, it wasn't my fault sir. It was Needles, he was behind all this! And you co-operated It was you McFly! Read my tongue. Please, I can't not be fired I'm fired! Ahhhhh! Er...this is heavy! When am I gonna tell Jennifer? Jennifer. Jennfier -Doc I'm glad to see you! Go out the front door. I'll meet you there. I don't know how to open it There no doing up. Press your fingers to the plate. What plate? Marty what does this fax mean? Mum, is the jokes from the office. Mum, Mum, calm down I wasn't yelling. Welcome home Jennifer, Marty, Marty, Marty. Come quick! Quick! She was shocked! Just as I contradict She'll be fine Let gets back to 1985. Then I'm going to destroy the time machine Destroy it? About about everything? Where we going and why? There are two incidents. Neither were behave responsibly Is the matter of the danger of the time machine. My only regret is I'll never get a chance to go to my favourite historcial year. The Old West. The time travelling is just too dangerous. Better for myself to study other great histories of universe Wait a minute! Did we make it? Are we back? -We're back. Lets put her on the swings then I can go home . And come back with your truck, then you can wake her When she wakes and see her own house in the dark Then you should be able to convince her it was all a dream Wait a minute. Are we just going to leave her here in the cold? The intentional convince her it was all a dream. How long do you think she's gonna be out? I'm not quite sure, she'd received quite a shock. It would be a few minutes Or it could be a couples of hours. Don't worry she'll be fine. I didn't remember she had bars behind these windows. If you need me, I'll be back at my lab Right. What the hell? Hey! Hey! Wait a minute. What are you doing in my room? Freeze sucker! -Hey! I don't want no trouble! You got trouble! What are you doing here with my daughter? Hey listen! I'm just in the wrong house! Hey look! I made a mistake! We ain't gonna be terrorise! It got to be the wrong year. October 26 1985. It can't be. Drop it! So you're the son of a bitch stealing my newspaper! Mr Strickland, Mr Strickland It's me Marty Hold it! -Marty McFly, Don't you know me from school? I haven't seen you before in my life! But you like a slacker to me. Yeah! That's right I'm a slacker. Don't you remember giving me detenstion last week? Last week? The school burned down six years ago! Now you got exactly 3 seconds to get off my porch. 1, Please Mr Strickland, I just want to know what the hell is going on here? -Hey Strickland. Slackers! Watch where you're going! Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to the Biff Tannen's museum Delicated to Hill-Valley No.1 Citizen And American greatest living folks hero. The one and only Biff Tannen Of course we all heard the legend But who is the man. Inside you will learn how Biff Tannen Become the most richest and most powerful man In America. Learn the amazing history of the Tannen's family Starting with his great grandfather Biffen Maddog Tannen Fastest gun in the west. See Biffen humble the beginning How a trip to the race track on his 21st birthday Made him a millionaire overnight. Sharing an excitement of a fabulous winning streak That earn him a nickname 'The luckiest man on earth' Learn how Biff the lucky winning streak Into the vast enterprise called Pittco Discover how in 1979 Biff successfully lobby to legalised gambing And turn Hill-Valley labortious court house into a beautiful casino hotel. He going to say one thing. 'God bless America' Meet the women who share in his passion As he search for true love. And re-lift Biff, happiest moment And in 1973 he realised his life long romantic dream By marrying high-school sweetheart Lorraine Baines McFly No! Hey sonny! We can't do it the easy way but the hard way. The easy way! Mum is that you? -Now just relax Marty. You been asleep for almost two hours. What a horrible nightmare. -You're safe and sound now The good old 27th floor The 27th floor? Mum? Mum it can't be you. Yes it's me Marty, are you all right? I'm fine, I'm fine But you look so...big. Everything gonna be fine Marty Are you hungary?. I can called room service Room service? Lorraine! Oh my god! Is your father. My father? You supposed to be in Switzerland! You little son of a bitch! My father? Did you get kicked out from another boarding school? Damm it Lorraine, there're no good kids of yours! All three of them! -What the hell do you care! We can afford it! At least with all that money We can provide better life for the children Hold on one second! Let get this straight! Marty is yours kid. Not mine I wouldn't do jackshit for him! Stop it Biff, just stop it! Look! He a butthead just like his old man was. Don't you dare speak that way about George! You're not even half the man he was You son of a bitch! Always the little hot head, huh? You want to take a poke at me? Damned it Biff, that's it. I'm leaving. Go ahead! Well think about this Lorraine, Who's gonna pay for all yours clothes, huh? And your jewelry? And your liquor? Who's going to pay for your cosmetic surgery, Lorraine? You were the one who wanted me to get these... things. If you want them back, you can have them! Look Lorraine! You walk out that door And I not only cut off you, I'll cut off your kids You wouldn't? -Wouldn't I? First your daughter Linda, I'll cancel all her credit cards she can settle her debts herself. Your idiot son Dave, I'll get the probation report As for Marty, You might want to have all three of yours kids behind bars! Just like your other Joey! One big happy jail bird family! All right Biff, you win... I'll stay. As for you, I'll be back within an hour So you better not be! He was right, and I was wrong. Mum! Mum, what are you saying? You absolutely defending him! I had it coming. He's my husband and he takes care of all of us and he deserves our respect. Respect! Your husband! How can he be your husband?

How can you leave dad for him! Leave dad? Marty, are you feeling all right? -No! No! I'm not feeling all right. I don't understand what damned things are going on around here? Why nobody can give me a simple straight answer! Oh, they must have hit you over the head hard this time. Mum, I just want to know one thing. Where's my father? Where's George Mcfly? Marty...George your father Hasn't been for the same place for the past 12 years. Over the park cemetery. No! No! This can't be happening March 15 1973 No! Please god no! Please god no! This can't be happening! This can't be happening! I'm afraid it is happening, all of it Doc? When I learn about you father I figured you came here. You know what happened to them? You know what happened? March 15 1973? Yes Marty, I know. I went to the public libary to make sense out of all the madness. The place is shut down so I oke in. And borrowed some newspaper I don't get it Doc? How can these be happening? Is like we're in hell or something. Is Hill-Valley. I can image hell can be much worst! I'm sorry boy. The lab is in awful, awful mess. Obviously, The Time continual has been disrupted. Created this new temporary events Sequence resulting alternate relatively. English Doc. -Here, Here, Imagin this line represent time. Here the present 1985 The future, the past. From this point of time. Somewhere in the past, The time line has skirl into this tension created alternated 1985 Alternate to you, me and Einstein. But reality for everyone else. Recognised this? Is the bag the sport book came in. I know. Because the receipt was still inside I found it in the time machine. Along with this. That the top of Biff's cane. I mean the old Biff from the future. Correct! It was in the time machine Biff was in a time machine With the sport Almanac. -Holy shit! You see, while we were in the future. Biff got the sport Almanac, stole the time machine And back in time And gave the book to himself at some point in the past Look, It said right here, That Biff made his first million betting on horses race at 1958 He wasn't just lucky, he knew. Because he had all the race results in the sport Almanac Winning his entire fortune. Look at it with an magnify glass. Yeah is the Almanac. Son of a bitch! Stole my idea. He must had been listening. It was my fault, the whole thing was my fault, If I only hasn't bought that damned book! This would never happened. It all the past -You mean the future? One of them That demonstrated. Precisely, how the time machine travel can be misused The time machine must be destroy After we restrict all this out. We go back to the future and stop him from stealing the time machine We can't, because if we travel into the future. From this point of time it will be the future. Of this...reality. Which Biff has corrupted a poweful and a marriage with your mother. And in which... this has happened to me! Now, our only chance to repair the present is in the past At the point where the time line has skirl into the tension. All the input universal that has been remembered. Get back to our reality, We had to find out the exact date, And pacific circled on how where and when. Young Biff has got his hand on that sport book. I'll ask him. What a great flick, The guy is illiant. What the hell are you doing in here? Party over, Biff! Sorry ladies. How did you get past my security downstair? It doesn't matter, we need to talk about this. Right Marty forget it! No. Not enough money, great sport Almanac! You heard him girl. Party over. Stop talking kid, what else do ya know about that book? First you tell me how you got it. How, where and when? All right, take a seat. Sit down! November 12th 1955. That was when. November 12th 1955. That was the date I when back... That...was the date of the famous Hill-Valley lighting storm. You know your history. Very good I never forget that Saturday I just pick my car up from the shelter I rode in the drive way a few days earlier. I thought you crashed into your truck How do you know about that? My father told me about it... -Your father? Before he died. Oh yeah right. There it was mine and mind old business. This crazy old car shown up and he said I was his distant relative. I don't see any resemblance. So he said how you like to be rich I said sure. So he laid this book on me. He said this book will tell me every outcome results of the sport events Till the end of the century. All I had to do is bet on the winning and I'll never lose. I said what the catch? He said no catch but keep it a secret. That man disappeared. Marty, he told me one more thing. Someday a crazy old wild scientist or a kid Will ask me about that book. If that ever happen...funny. I never thought it would be you Oh yeah, Biff you forgot one thing... What the hell is that? You son of a bitch! Go a head kid! Jump! Suicide will be nice and neat. What if I don't? Blood poisoning! What about the police Biff? They'll match up the bullet with that gun Can! I own the police! Beside they couldn't match up the bullet which killed your old man. You son of a bitch! George Mcfly with the same gun! What the hell? Nice shot Doc! I don't believe it, we can go back to 1955. I don't believe it. That's right Doc, we can go back to 12th 1955! Unbelievable! Old Biff told you that date. It could mean that pointed time herein contained some sort significant. Almost if it was temporary jink space time continual. Amazingly coincidence. Got to fix that thing, Alright time circuit on. What do you mean time circuit on? Doc, we aren't going back now. Yep. What about Jennifer? What about Einstein? We can't just leave them here! Don't worry Marty, as soon as we succeeded. This alternate 1985 will be change back to the real 1985 Instantaneously tranformating around Jennifer and Einstein Jennifer and Einstein will be fine. They will have absolutely no memory of this horrible place. Doc, what if we don't succeed? We must succeed! Er this is heavy doc, It seem like we were here yesterday. We were here yesterday, we were! Amazing isn't? Alright, the sun rise should in about 22 minutes You go to town and track down young Biff. You stay with him. Sometime today old Biff will shown up to give young Biff the Almanac. You mustn't denied any field without any events You must let him believe that he had succeed so he will leave 1955 and ing them all back to the future. Alright. Once, old Biff is gone Grab the Almanac anywhere that you can Remember our future depends on this. You don't have to remind me of that, Doc. A walkie talkie so we can keep in contact. I'll stay here and repair the time circuit. Don't risk anywhere else stealing my time machine. I won't accidently running into my another self Another self? Yes, there are now two of me here. There are two of you here. The other me Dr Emmett Brown from 1955 The other me helps the other you get back to 1985 Remember the bolt of lighting from the clock tower. Yeah! -That doesn't happen till tonight. So you must be very careful not to run into the your other self. I give you some money, Marty, I have to leave them out for the possibility Get your self some fiftys folks. Got that. Doc coming Doc. This is Marty over. Marty this is Doc, are you there? Yes Doc! I mapped the address I don't think this is Biff's house. Looks like some old lady lives here Where you going Biff? -I'm going to get my car grandma When are you coming back? I need you to sweep the floor Shut up old bang! Go and get it! Doc, it is Biff house. Good, -I couldn't get her started I got to get have her right now. It come to 300 and 2 dollars 300 bucks? 300 bucks for a couple of horse shit? That bullshit! -No that horse shit. The whole car is full of horse shit. I don't get something for that! Get something for that? You can called inside! You can called your men! 300 bucks. If I catch the guy who caused this, I'll eak his neck. I remembered that. For 300 dollars job! It looks so good. Look what we have here? Nice dress Lorraine. Is better if you wear nothing at all Biff why don't you take a long to the store here? Listen Lorraine, there the dance after school tonight. Right now my car is all fix, I thought I'll catch you at eak. And give you an honour of going with the best look guy Well, I'm busy! -Doing what? Washing my hair Somebody already asked me to the dance Who? The butthead Mcfly? I am going with Calvin Klein, okay? Calvin Klein? No...it is no okay You go with me, understand? Get your filthy hand off me. You are my girl. No, I won't be your girl Even you have million dollars Yes, you will I got to marry you someday, Lorraine Someday you will be my wife You always did that to the women Get that hell out of my car, old man You want to marry that girl, Biff? I can help make that happen Oh...yeah Who are you? Just get into the car, butthead You called me butthead, butthead How do you know how to do it? Nobody can start this car, but me. You just get into the car, today is your lucky day It cost me 300 hundreds bucks Would you shut up about the car? I don't know one thing How do you know where I live? Let just said we are related, Biff. I got a present for ya. In another case Something that makes you rich. You want to be rich don't ya? -Oh yes, sure that's rich! You gonna make me rich? See this book, This book tell the future. Tells the results of every major sports events. Till the end of the century. Footballs, Baseballs, Horseracing, betting. The information in here worth millions. And I'm giving it to you. That's very nice, Thank you very much! Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here! It leaves, you idiot! Makes like a tree and leave. You sound like a damned fool when you say it wrong All right then leave! And take your book with ya! Don't you get it? You can make a fortune with this book. Let me shown ya. That a million dollars that wins at 1970 Are you deaf old man, it said all over. You lost! -Oh yeah? What the catch? How do you know what the results gonna be? I told you the results is in this book All you had to do is bet on the winning and you'll never lose. All right, I'll take a look at it. You damned fool! Never leave this book laying around. Don't you have a safe? No you don't have a safe. Get a save! Keep it lock up. Until then on ya like this Hey what you doing? -And don't tell anybody either. And there this one more thing, Oneday, a crazy old wild old man claims to be a scientist will... I'm trapped. Doc. -What the reports? Biff gone, he got the book and he old man gone too. I'm locked in this garage. I don't know how the hell to get out of here. He down the street. I can't figure out in daylight. Don't worry Marty, somehow I'll get over there. Wait a minute Hey Doc, Doc? Perfect... I told you grandma... Marty? Marty? Marty? Marty? Marty? Marty? Doc? Marty? Marty? Marty? Doc? -What happened to you? I when to Biff house and you aren't there. I'm in the back of Biff's car He's on his way to the Enchantment under the sea dance. Marty listen, It getting more dangerous. Don't worry the book is in Biff jacket Marty, you must be extremely careful not to run into your otherself. My other self? Yes, Remember your mother is at exactly the same dance with you? Right This is getting heavy doc. Marty, what ever happened you must not let the other half sees you The consequences can be disasters Excuse sir? Yes? -Can you please lend me two bucks? Fine mate! Don't you mean a few quarters You're right -I presume You're conducting some sort of weather experiment? -That's right, how did you like that? I happened to do some experiment here, Yes, I'm gonna see some lighting tonight. But the weather man said there won't be any rain. There be plenty of rains All right, Wind and lighting. There will be hell of a storm. Thanks nice talking to you. Maybe, we'll bump into again in the future. Or in the past. Doc? Where that pumkin? He cause 300 bucks damaged to my car, and I haven't got enough to sandwhich. Keep going, Well, well, well Mr Tannen How nice to see here. Well, Mr Strickland is nice too see you sir. Is that a liquor smell. -I wouldn't know I don't know what liquor smell like. Because I'm too young too drink it. -I see And what have we here? Sports statistics? What an interesting subject. Homework Tannen? -No, it ain't homework Cause I ain't going home! You got a real attitudes problem Just watch it, Tannen! One day, I'll have you in detention. Slackers! Geez you smoke too? You beinning to sound just like my mother. We gonna take a little eak, We'll be back in a while. Yes! No! Doc! Marty what's up? -I'm in trouble, I blew it! Where the book? Biff still got it with him All I got is the damned cover. Where Biff? I don't know -Don't you have any ideas where he is? I don't know, I mean he can be any where by now. The entire future depend on you. Find Biff and get the book. I just don't know, Of course, I gonna go. Is like a deja vu. Okay everybody, lets back up now. Back up now. Give him a little bit of room. A little bit of air. You! Did you just take his wallet. Doc success, I got it. Great Marty, As soon as I genarated, I need you on the roof! Hey he's here, -He in disguise Where did he go? Doc, -Marty, Listen when you see me, I'm gonna jump. Well, get out of there. Not me, the other me. You won't get back to the future. You're going to be in paradise You mean one of those thing which can destroy the univeral? Not to be seen by your other self or your parent. What the hell? Where is he? -Who? Calvin Klein -Who? The guy with the hat! -I think he when that way. I think he took his wallet. I think he took his wallet. I guess you guy aren't ready for that! But you kid gonna love it. Hey Doc, I succeed it. Okay I'll be under the school roof in one minute. I'll be there. Lorraine! -Marty! that's very interesting music I hope you don't mind George asked me to take me home. Hey Butt head! You think your disguise will get by me? Let have it off. You and me right now. -No thanks. What the matter? -Where you going? Are you chicken? I said you're nothing but a little chicken No buddy called me chicken! What the hell? You steal my stuff. Doc, Doc, I blew it! Biff took it and put it in his car. What time is it now? Which way did he go? Get him! There he is Doc! Let land on him and cripple his car. Marty, he would blew on us like tin foil. So what do we do? -I have a plan. Son of a bitch! Let go of the car! I'll teach him! Hold on buddy! Yes! I hate my life! Doc, is everything all right over? Marty, I have to terminate the landing of the direction I have to circle to make a long approach. Have you got the book? In my hand! Doctor! Doctor! The newspaper changed My father is alive! Everything is back to normal right? Everything is okay right? That's right Marty Let get the hell back to the future... Doc! Doc are you alright? I'm all right! Now be careful you don't want to strike by lighting. Doc? Doc? Doc? Doc do you read me? Doc do you read me come in? Oh no! He's gone! Doctor is gone! Hey Mr Mcfly! -Huh? Is your name Marty Mcfly? Yeah? -I got something for you... ...a letter! A letter for me that's impossible! Who the hell are you? Dr Junior, A bunch of us want you to share about this subject. It's actually a possession from the past 70 years It's was still in the West. But the important instruction it had to deliver to... A young man with the name Marty. At the exact location, at the exact minute. November 12th 1985. We were thinking if the actual Marty gonna be here. That why I laughed... Ha! Ha! Ha! Did you say 70 years? Yes 70 years. 70 years, 2 months, 12 days to be exacted. There you are! It from the Doc! Dear Marty, If my calculation are correct you'll receive this letter immediately. After I stuck by lighting. First, let me show you I am alive and well. I been living happily for the past eight months In the years 1885. The lighting bolt... 1885! September 1885! Wait a minute. What this all about? He's alive! The doctor is alive! He said he's in the old West, he's alive! All you alright? There only one man who can help me! Doc! Relax it's me Marty. It can't be, I'd just send you back to the future I know you send me back to the future but I'm back. Doc!

I can't hold her much longer. She's taking on too much water. - What is going on back there? - Keep your pants on, Murphy. We blew the starboard engine. Port engine's way too hot. - Hold on. - Shorten the tow or cut her loose. Epps... ...get off my damn tugboat. We don't have much time. Move it, Epps. If she sinks, she's taking us with her. Got a punch in the port floater. - Five minutes before she floods. - Less than that! Get back here. We're cutting her loose. - Cut her loose. - That's it. Get back here. Come on! You heard the man! Took us three months to get her off the bottom. I will not lose her now! Goddamn it, Epps! You can't fix everything! Christ! - For the last time, get back here! - She's taking on too much water! Why do you always have to eak my balls? I said get back here! Do you want me to come down there and kick your ass? Because I'll do it. Here's to the best damn salvage crew in the business! - We did it, guys! - Yeah, look at that! All right. Nice work. - Here's to the fucking sea! - To the sea. To a job well done. Mr. Murphy? I'm Jack Ferriman. I was wondering if I could buy you a drink. He doesn't drink. Could I talk to you alone? You talk to me, you talk to my crew. That's the way it is. I fly the Arctic Weather Patrol flights out of Mackenzie Bay. Last month I was out in the middle of the Strait when I came across this. Congratulations. You found a boat. In the middle of the ocean, of all places. I tried for radio contact and got nothing... ...so I figured she had to be adrift. In the Bering Strait? That's miles from shipping lanes. Did you alert the Coast Guard? It's international waters, so they noted it and that's it. You get a name? No, I put it out of my head until two days ago when I saw it again. What are we talking about? What kind of tonnage? Big. Huge. Could be military. Let's say that we're a little bit interested. What's in it for you? I want 20 finder's fee, whatever she's worth. - Have you told anyone else about this? - Not a living soul. - Give us a minute, will you? - Okay. So? What do you think, Murph? Who knows? Could be full of shit. I do know one thing. I've seen strange things happen in the Strait. I know something else: Sea gives you an opportunity, take it. That's at least a week out of our way. We've been out for six months already. I got a fiancée waiting, remember? I'm getting married in a month. Plan was to go back to Anchorage. Starboard diesel needs an overhaul. - In our business, the only plan is: - There is no plan. If you don't want to go, that's fine. Let's tell him we'll get somebody else. Wait a minute. Let's not be hasty. What's a ship like that worth? Who knows? Millions? Thousands? Could be nothing. Depends on a lot of things. - Mainly, if we have the right to salvage. - Pretty big if. - What's the split? - We split it even, six ways. - Even split? - Beats me paying you overtime. I'm good. I'm in. Greer? What do you say? All right. Hey, Ferriman! Can you come over here? So this is the way it works. 10 instead of your 20 finder's fee. I can't let you take advantage of me like that. That's the way it is. Take it or leave it. Fine. But I go with you. Not on my boat, you don't. Think I'd tell you where a fortune might be without insurance? There are five other boats that would jump at this. I come with you. So you take it or leave it. Things are dull! She'll love it. What do you think? Too much off the sides, but I can come up with something she'll love. - Shave that yourself. - Don't want to help me out? Who the fuck are you kidding? Everybody knows you Navy boys take it up the ass. - Enjoying the ride, Jack? - No, sir. Not the same as flying planes over ice sheets, is it? - What's the appeal? - I could ask you the same thing. What's a nice girl doing in a dump like this instead of raising a family? I own a third of Murphy's operation. I'm not that nice. And these monkeys are my family. Santos to Murphy. Come in. - Yeah? - I think you should get up here. - What is it? - I think you should see this! It was there a second ago! Ten miles to the northwest. Would you turn off that fucking music? I'm telling you, there must be a glitch. I saw it with my own eyes. - Glitch, my ass. There's nothing there. - Give me a look at this. There it is! Right in front of you! Tell me you don't see nothing. Do you see what I'm saying? Do you see what I'm saying to you? - Dodge, could you get on the bow light? - All right, Murph. - It's there, right? - There's something there. Hey, Murph, what's up? Vessel at position 7-5 north... ...this is Arctic Warrior. Come in. This is tugboat Arctic Warrior. Do you read me? This is Arctic Warrior. Do you read me? Come in. Shit! - Now do you believe me? - Holy shit! An ocean liner? Where did that come from? It's the Antonia Graza. Jesus Christ. This is civilian tugboat Arctic Warrior. Is there anyone aboard? This is civilian tugboat Arctic Warrior. Is there anyone aboard? This is Arctic Warrior. Can you read us? - You know her, Murphy? - Only in my dreams. Christ, she's beautiful. Italian liners couldn't compete for speed, so they built floating art palaces instead. She was reported missing May 21, 1962, off the coast of La ador. Funny thing is, there was no distress signal. She just disappeared. Ever since, every captain's been looking for her, hoping she hasn't gone down. - Do you know what this means? - What? Under the law of the sea, she's ours. Let's not keep a lady waiting. Santos, ing us alongside. Fire up the crane. We got business to do. When we get onboard, stay together. We don't know what kind of shape she's in. - Take us up, Greer. - Aye, aye, captain. Hey, Murphy, please remember to keep all channels open. Thank you. They won't let me go. Safety first. That's why you go last, Jack. Can you sit down? I'm trying to keep this steady. - I just want... - Sit down! Get out of the way! Okay. She's had some battering over the last 40 years, you can tell. Stand by. Setting you down topside. She's still a beaut. Unbelievable. You better stay alert. Watch your step. 40 years of rust can turn deck plates into quicksand. We'll make our way in at the fore, then check the idge. This way. Careful. - Forward mast is history. - Epps and Murphy, are they a couple? Hell, no. She's like a daughter to him. He'd be lost without her. Superstructure's in decent shape. No sign of damage. - Lifeboats are gone, stern to bow. - Life preserver lockers are all empty. Sure no survivors ever turned up, Murph? Sure as we're walking on the Graza, Dodge. This way. Let's go. Jesus. She's no fiddler's green. You're wrong, Munder. She's beautiful. Whoever was on here originally sure left in a hurry. Murphy, come in. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard. I'm Julie. I'll be your hostess this evening. Have some respect, okay? Check out all those champagne bottles. Looks like we missed one hell of a party. - And one hell of a hangover. - Shut up! - Shut up! - Let's find the idge. - Such a manly man. - What? - You all right? - Shut up! Come on, Mary, let's go. Murph, how many passengers did she carry? Over 600. The créme de la créme of society from all over Europe. Crew of 500 from Italy. Talk to me. How's everything going? Okay, good. This companionway should get us to the idge. Here, Epps, hold this. What's going on? - After you. - No, after you. No, no. After me. Tough guy. Don't let go! - Pull! Pull! - Please, Epps! Please, Epps, don't let go! - Give me your hand. - Pull us up! Oh, God! I told you to watch your fucking step! - Oh, shit. Oh, Jesus. - From now on, you let me lead. Okay? Let's go. - I think I just shit my pants. - No, you always smell that way. Compass is dead. Helm's not responding, either. Fuel tanks are empty. She must've rode on full throttle till she was bone-dry. Epps! I'm looking for the ship's log. Let's get this documentation back... - Are you okay? - Yeah. - You sure? - Yeah. Let's get to it. Hey, check this out. - It's a watch. Congratulations, buddy. - No. Look again, you moron. It's a digital watch. Do the math. They didn't have digital watches in 1962. So we're not the first people to board this ship. But she's ours now. Let's get some sleep, tow her at dawn. Let's hope there's no more surprises. Amen to that. Oh, God. Epps, can I get some tea? Any sign of what might've happened? How she got here? That's the $64 million question, isn't it? Ever hear of a ship called the Marie Celeste? Twin-masted igantine out of Charleston during the Civil War. She was bound for London with a cargo of cotton. Thanks. Two months after she set sail, she was sighted by fishermen off Tripoli. She was doing 12 knots an hour in a stiff eeze. Something wasn't quite right. They didn't know what so they went onboard. You know what they found? Nothing. No passengers. No crew. No captain. No sign of distress. 59 days after the last log entry, it had traveled 4500 miles across the ocean... ...past the Rock of Gi altar and into the Mediterranean Sea at full sail. And nobody at the helm. - What do you make of that? - A ghost ship. Hey, you smell that? I smell bullshit. - Been on the sea a lot longer than you. - I know. Seen things that you can't even imagine. Maritime history is full of Marie Celestes. So, what's our plan? I think we should do what we came to do. Tie her up, tug her in. You think our little tug will pull this entire ocean liner? Not with the problems we got. We could set her at anchor and come back with two or three tugs. No, some Russian trawler will come along. I've already looked for her anchors, anyway. They're gone. - What do you think? - Get the engines working... ...it could take us two weeks minimum to tow a vessel this size. For my share of what she's worth, I'd drag her back to Anchorage myself. Don't let go! Help me! Don't let go! - Thought you might want a jacket. - Thanks. Boy, do I miss that. You okay? You seem quiet since you came back. I think I saw something I couldn't possibly have seen. - Like what? - No, it's crazy. I'm curious. Tell me. I think I saw a little girl. On... On the... The boat? Yeah. Looking right at me. And then what happened? Nothing. She disappeared. Sometimes, when I'd be flying for hours on end... ...I'd think I'd see stuff too. It'd be there one second and gone the next. Like a dream. Thanks. - See you in the a.m. - Okay. Good night. - See you tomorrow. - Yeah. She's got a big hole. She's sinking. - This is where the damage is. See? - Breach in the hull, about 10 by 20... ...torn to the port collision bulkhead. - Did it hit an iceberg? No, you don't need an iceberg to rupture a hull. - She's been hit recently. - About a week ago, I'd say. This is where we are. The problem's this group of islands. Nothing spectacular... ...just rocks, a couple thousand seals. The Antonia Graza's caught here in this strong current loop... ...and slowly she's been pushed towards those rocks. Last time she hit them. - What about next time? - Won't be one. We've got three days to fix it. That's if the weather holds. Why can't we tow it like it is? It'd be like towing a car with four flat tires. - It's a bump in the road. We can fix it. - Murph, bump in the road? The each we can probably patch if we can get to the inside. We'll weld shut the flooded compartments, pump out the water up to the aft peak. On top of that, the rudder's jammed. We jerry-rig it, set a 38-degree current drift to clear the island chain. What does all that mean? I just... That's a lot of work for three days. But with the gear we've got onboard and what's on that ship, we can try. We can do it, right? With the gear we've got onboard, I can't fix our engine. Quit bitching and overhaul the starboard engine. - So that's the plan? - Just do it. - I'll call it in. - I wouldn't do that if I were you. - Maritime law states... - I know. We just don't want any unexpected guests. Just leave it. Your call, captain. All right, you know the drill. We do a complete recon. Make sure we've got no problems before we get to work. - Stay with me, Greer. Don't wander. - Okay. Dodge, Munder, go to the port collision bulkhead. Jack and I'll work back from the fore. Call if you need anything. - How about a pizza? - You're so funny. The only plan in this business is that there is no plan. What is that? What these people talking crazy for? That's not even good English. Hang in there, okay, preciosa? Because someday he'll find some other genius to fix his boat. You want to play like that? It's still sweet, though. Light coming up. You were right. She is beautiful. She sure is. Epps, we're heading for the main engine room. Epps? All right, capitano. Oh, shit. We're gonna have to dive to get to that tear. Epps, the engine room is totally flooded. Epps, can you hear me? Wait! What happened? You okay? What are you doing down there? Did you hurt yourself? What are you doing? The whole bottom's riddled with them. Looks like someone used it for target practice. - That's the happy version. - What's the not-so-happy version? There were people in there. I saw that little girl again. What? Where? - I must be losing my goddamn mind. - Well, did she say anything? Forget it. Come on. Murphy, come in. Dodge! Anybody! Shit. I think she's fucking with us. Looks like central laundry. This vent connects to the forward hold. We need to see if it's flooded. - I may need help shutting it. - You sure we need to...? Murphy, where the hell are you? - How long have they been here? - A month, maybe less. - What are we gonna do? - Get off this boat! - But the ship... - Lf it sinks, it sinks. You're right. Stinks. - What the hell? - We came through there. No shit! Come on! This way. Come on, Jack. What the...? When'd you start wearing lipstick, Epps? Epps? Francesca. Nice titties. Not that you can hold a candle to the future Mrs. Greer, though. Come on, Jack. Stop dragging ass! What's your problem? What's this? Forget it. Let's go! Jack! '58 Jaguar X150. I've dreamt about this car since I was a kid. We have to get out of here now. Do you understand? Now. There's something moving in there. Fuck! Oh, my God! I hate rats! What? Oh, my God! Look at this! I have to get Murphy. Murphy! Is someone trying to call me? Dodge! Munder! Maureen... Who's Maureen? It's my first name. - It's cold... - He said cold? The galley. - It's cold. - Please help us. Don't go in there. You fucking assholes! Fuck you! Take it easy! You were fucking with us. We fucked with you. Why aren't you laughing? Wanna hear something funnier? We found dead guys in the laundry room. And this in the cargo hold. Need some help, skipper? I'm sorry. - Jesus. - Oh, man. Holy shit! Yeah! We're rich! - You son of a bitch! - Rich! - Come on. Let's go. - Move this shit out! One. Two. Three... How much you figure it's worth, boss? There's a lot of gold. Hard to know. Two, 300 million, maybe. Maybe more. - Jesus. - I don't know. Lock boxes with half of Fort Knox in them? They gotta be insured. No way somebody will let this much gold float away. Well, the markings have been filed down. - What does that mean? - Someone didn't want this traceable. It's stolen. It may have to do with the reason this ship disappeared when it did. Wait. If the gold's got something to do with 1962... ...what about the bodies? They can't be more than three weeks old. Somebody's gotta say it, and it might as well be me. This ship is fucked up. Earlier I could swear I heard a woman singing. It's like she was... - Like she was coming on to me. - Oh, no! It was the sexiest voice I ever heard, man. - She got any backup singers? - Whatever you're on, get me some! Maybe you're not quite ready to get married, Greer. - Fuck you. - Okay, guys. - What about the Coast Guard? - No. You call the Coast Guard... What if the gold did turn out to be stolen? Under maritime law, anything found in international waters... ...belongs to the finder. Okay? That is the law. - Right. - Finders keepers. If we're gonna do this, I say we do it now. Get our boat going, grab the gold and get the hell out of here. We leave the boat, take the gold. Who's with me? I'm with the gold, man. Gold. The gold. - Epps? - I just want to get off this boat. Okay. Let's go to work. Okay. Warrior is in position, Murph. Can we please get the hell out of here? Yeah, preciosa! Smell that money! 100 million. You hear what I'm saying? 100 million! Greer? Get those engines going. I'm inging the gold down. Yes, sir, captain, sir. Hey, Santos. Hurry your ass up, vato. We got to go like this. I wanna see these gauges rocking, because you just had an overhaul. And you, I want you to give me some too. Let's do this! Hey, yo, Greer! Fire it up! We're going to haul ass. Bring it on! We'll be so fucking rich! Stop! Stop! You don't know what you're doing! We're good to go, skipper. Don't start the boats! He'll... Shit! Greer! Greer! What the hell just happened? Jesus Christ! Fire on deck! Santos! Greer! Munder! I got you. - Epps! I got Munder! - Greer! Come on! Santos! Santos, answer me! I don't know what happened. The engine room just blew. Maybe Santos rushed the engines, didn't seal up the gaskets right... Jack, did you find anything out about this ship before you sent us out here? No, but I... Look, we've got the gold, and we are still alive. - Tell that to Santos, asshole! - Ease up! This is bullshit! Santos came here out of free will... ...just like us. - What does that mean? - Enough! - Santos is dead because of you! Come on! It's not gonna ing him back. Murph, it's not your fault. You know that. How is he? Here's the plan. We're professional salvors with a fortune onboard. I say we do what we do best: fix this rust bucket. Control her drift. Clear those islands. We can survive long enough to get picked up. Why is this a question? We have the materials. Why don't we build a raft and leave? There is something wrong with this boat! - Lf we stay here, we may not survive. - You want to build a raft? - I want to build a raft. - Even with the Warrior... ...we were stretching to do this in three days. We can't do this. You're the best spot-welder I know. We can do it right now, but I need you. Fine. But there's no way we're doing a major patch-and-pump in the dark. Even with the lights we have, it'd be like going in blind. Okay, fine. We'll chill tonight and go in the a.m. Greer? What do you say? Now you want to know what the first mate has to say? I say go to hell, Epps. You're not qualified to get us off this ship. Had Murphy let me do it my way, we wouldn't be in this. - And the Coast Guard... - So it's everybody else's fault, right? They'd be here and we'd be on our way home, millionaires. That's bullshit. Grow up, asshole. Fucking bitch! Keep fucking talking. Say another word! Say another word! Here it is. Katie. B-deck. You were alone. 100-to- 1, somebody poisoned the passengers to get the gold. Okay, Sherlock, if they were poisoned, why are these cans safe? They're still sealed. It's been sealed for 40 years. It's safe. Okay, shoot for it. Loser goes first. - Paper beats rock. - Come on, man, best of three. - Bullshit. You lost. - Where's your empathy? Winners do not empathize with losers. Bon appétit. I screwed up. I should've called it in. Damn! I knew better! I'll make it home to you, baby. I swear. What the hell are you looking at? - That's all right. - No way. No, really. It's good. Look, I'm not kidding. - Are you serious? - I'm serious. It's good! - You gotta try that! - That's good! That's great! Katie? Katie? Can I tell you something else? We get back... ...I'm gonna take my money and I'm gonna buy you a bathtub. I'll get you a lifetime supply of titty magazines and toilet paper! I already beat you to it, o! There's something on your... Katie? Who, me? Francesca, I know all of this isn't real. So I'm just gonna go with it, okay? Can't cheat on your fiancée with a dead girl, right? Her parents. Please. Don't close it. Haven't seen them for years. They moved to New York. I was on my way to join them. But they're dead now. - How would you know? - When you're like this... ...you know these things. My mother... ...she made me this dress. Do you like it? You remind me of her. I don't think so. Well, here. You should have this back. Oh, God, you really are a fucking ghost. Where are you going? Santos was my goddamn responsibility. - The Lorelei. - She was adrift. We rescued her. I've heard the story of the Lorelei. I didn't know the Graza was involved. The gold was onboard the Lorelei? It says here May 19, 1962. That's two days before your ship disappeared. There were no survivors onboard the Lorelei. Jesus Christ! Where you going? Most spirits are free to be with their families. So why aren't you with yours? - We're all trapped here. - Who? My shipmates and I. Even the ones who aren't marked. Marked? Katie, what do you mean? When the boat's full... What? You can tell me. When he has all the souls he needs and has filled his quota... ...we'll all be ferried... ...to... What is it? What's wrong? - What is it? - He doesn't want me talking to you. - He who? - But I'm not like the others! You need to tell me. You must go at once. Leave the ship while you still can! Katie, what is it? Katie! Katie? Epps? Come on! We have to leave. Where you going, Murphy? What's the matter? It's me. Santos. It's no fun lying at the bottom of the ocean. No lights at the end of the tunnel. Not for me, Murph. No 10,000 virgins at the pearly gates. Because of the plan, I'm trapped on this dreamboat of yours. So you know what? You're coming along for the ride. No! Murphy? You all right, Murph? You okay? - What's the matter, Murph? - It's me! - It's me! - Do it, come on. It'll make you feel good. Come on! - Come on! - Hey! Oh, God. Epps, you okay? - Keep him in the aquarium. - No, listen. He was drunk. He didn't know what he was doing. Look, he just tried to kill you. He stays in there. Let's go find Greer. Any sign of him? No, we looked all over. Man's pissed off. Seems to happen on this boat. - Least we weren't around 40 years ago. - The passengers were poisoned... ...to get to the gold? Isn't that...? - Extreme? Maybe, but if the shoe fits... Next thing you know, we'll be trying to kill each other. - What's with the heart? - Found it. Belonged to this little girl. - What girl? - She told me to get off this boat. - She's talking to you now? - What are you talking about? - You're seeing ghosts, Epps? - Just forget it. So the ship's got a few kinks. Let's stick with Munder's specs and try to fix the ship. No way five people and the gold will fit on any raft. Murphy's not going anywhere, and we're not leaving him here. We stick with the plan. Fix the boat. Let's get going. Come on. That's the collision bulkhead hatch. - Wheel's busted. It won't open. - Arming the C4. - Dodge? - I'm good. - Munder? - I'm good. Contact. - There's the tear, portside. - Looks bigger from here. I'll shut her up, no problem. - Munder, rudder's fixed. You all right? - I'm good. - What do you think, Dodge? - She'll hold. - We're set with the pumps. - Start them up. Copy that, Epps. One and two, kicking in. - I give it 12 hours till she's bone-dry. - Both on full. Get ready, Epps. Here it comes. Great work, guys. Damn. Current's faster than I thought. If we control her drift, headed in this direction, we should clear those islands. We'll keep it afloat until we get picked up. Son of a bitch. We may just get out of this yet. Kazillionaires. Check on the idge when you're done here. I'll see if I can find Greer down below. Greer? Katie? Greer? Jesus! - Shit. - Number two's clogged. Who's going? You go. Shit. Every single time! Oh, my God. Come with me. I want to show you something. No! Come on! No! Come on! You can't die on me! Dodge. Murphy's dead. - What? - We have to get off this boat. There's a reason you, me and Munder are still alive. That's why he came after us. - To fix his ship. - I just saw Murphy. What's happening? I don't know. I want you and Dodge on the rudder. - But you just said... - Listen to me. I'll get Munder, we'll see if the welds are holding. Stay here till we get back. I do not want you out of each other's sight. Take this. Take it. - Be careful down there. - I will. - That's it, then. We made it. - For now. - I'll check on Epps. - No, she said to wait here. - Yeah, but... - Hey, she said to wait! So wait. You disgust me. - What did you say? - You heard me. You're a pathetic excuse for a man. She says, Jump, and you jump. You're disgusting. I don't have time for this. - Who the hell are you? - The question is, who are you? You worship her, yet you've never had the balls to tell her... ...because you're a weak, cowardly child. However, if you'll kindly step out of my way, I'll make your dream a reality. You know, Dodge, if you kill somebody, you go to hell. Well, you live for her. You willing to die for her? I shot Ferriman. He's dead. Yeah? Don't be so sure, Dodge. - What are you doing? - Trip's over. I'm sinking the boat. - It's taken its last victim. - That'll kill us. - We'll have to take our chances. - What about the gold? Fucking kidding? We're not getting the gold off this boat. Nobody ever does. Wait, wait. Wait! That gold can give us everything we ever wanted. We could have our own boat. The two of us. We could have a life together. You and me. What are you talking about? Dodge, we gotta get out of here. Now. Well, I can't let you do that. So that's it, huh? All right. Okay. You win. All right. Fucking bitch! All right, you win! Go ahead, do it! Go ahead. Blow it up! Kill us all! Hey, Dodge. Why haven't you asked me where Munder is? Well, I suppose that's because... ...I already know. - You won't pull that trigger, Maureen. - Try me. Dodge made the same mistake. He's dead. Katie told you, didn't she? Souls without sin can't be marked. Makes them tough to control. But as long as I keep the boat afloat, we'll all go down together. - What the fuck are you? - I'm a salvager. Just like you. You collect ships, I collect souls. And when I fill my quota, I send a boatload home. This will make management happy. You see, it's a job. Given to me after a lifetime of sin. So if I lose this ship, management won't be happy, which is not a good thing. I'm not getting through to you. I'm asking for an exchange. This ship for your life. I want my crew back. Sorry. Once a passenger's marked, they're mine. Then I guess it's over. All you had to do was fix the ship! I gave you a great opportunity. All you had to do was take it. What are you gonna do, shoot me? Careful. Hang in there, ma'am. No! SubRip by TraceR

Founder of Divine Dragon! You're the best! Founder of Divine Dragon! You're the best! Dragon! Why did your mission to enter the Ching Palace fail. Ajerk called Wei-Shou-Bou. Spoiled my mission. Is his Kung fu extraordinary? He knows almost nothing about it! Is he very good at using poison? No. Is he a lady-killer and who bewitched you? It's really funny! He looks like a hog and is as crooked as a dog. He's absolutely a nerd. So why did you lose? I'm willing to accept any punishment from you. It's fate! Wei-Shou-Bou could be your unbeatable rival. You have to be more careful if you meet him again. Yes, sir! I know I'm old, just like a candle which burns to the end. So I want you to succeed me! Long! Jump into the blood pool! Soak yourself in the water. Then you can be ready to take my place. The son of the Ping-Shi Ruler will call on the damned Emperor. You've to protect him 24 hours a day. Yes! We've been assisting the Ping-Shi Ruler, Wu-Sun-Gwei, for three generations. Now you succeed me. You must do your best to help him ascend the throne. Now I'll go in the pool first; then you follow you. You'll be able to get all of my Kung-fu power. But remember! Our Kung-fu is very special. Once you lose your virginity. Eight tenth of your Kung-fu power will be transferred to that man. Don't forget! Remember! Founder of Divine Dragon! You're the best! Wei-Shou-Bou! I'll go back again! Girls come here to attend to your guests. Stinky eggs... Jerk! Jerk... Stinky eggs... Bastard... Son of a bitch... Son of a bitch... Stinky eggs... Son of a bitch... You lost, you son of a bitch. How dare you say I'm a son of bitch! You said my sister and I were given birth to by bitch? You're fined 100,000. Brother! Mr. Duo didn't mean to say that! Please forgive him. I really didn't mean it. You favor him so much! Do you have some special relationship? Don't talk nonsense! How could that be possible? We're innocent. We're pure! Extremely pure! I hate to see you. I want to take a pee. Pretty Lady Bastard Don't say a word. Make no sound! ls that son of bitch, Wei-Shou-Bou, in the next room? Yes! No... No! Yes! Yes or no? What's the feud between Wen and you? The son of bitch helps the wicked perpetrate their evil deeds! Everyone should kill him! Thank heaven! I've suffered disgrace and insults for so many years. Thanks god! I've been waiting so long! Are you... My whole family was murdered by him. I was forced to be his rabbit! This traitor! Everybody has the right to kill him. Kill him as soon as possible! I'll ing the fire crackers. Wait a minute! Take us with you! Of course! Let me pick up my sunglasses first. This way, please! Brother! We're innocent! Duke Wei... You son of bitch! Keep quiet! Son of bitch! Now I'm son of bitch then. What? Do you want to deny it? I really want to cut you into pieces! Peel your skin and bite your bones. What? Wei-Shou-Bou! Don't say you don't know how you were killed. I'm Li-Ko. My master is the one armed Divine Nun. I'm not Wei-Shou-Bou. Murder! Help... Hurry! Attack them! Why are you so nervous? Calm down! Fortunately, I have a large army. Of course! You're so many enemies. Wow! It's a girl! What a pretty girl she is! What is it about! I understand! I understand! Hold on! Stop! You want to run away now? You'll be killed. Take it easy! I was not sure that you're an Anti-Ching person. Now I have to reveal my real identity. I'm the follower of Prey, the bird hunting hero! The master of the East never fails, the West always fails. West always fails. Are you that West Always fails who fights forjustice? Don't move! Otherwise I'll kill the two girls. Give him the poisonous wine! Poisonous wine? That kettle! What? You! Don't drink! Don't drink! He'll lose his nature after drinking that. If no woman makes love to him in half an hour. He will be turned into blood. Drink! No! No! I won't bother you! I've drunk the wine. Release them now. OK! Let's go! Son of bitch! What's wrong with you? The poison! Save me! How? I can survive only if there's a young woman willing to make love to me. No way! No! If we both do that to you... Can we save your life then? Thanks! But I can't. Get out of my way! Thanks for sacrificing yourselfto save our lives! We'll never forget you! After you die, we'll burn paper money for you. Wow! Where's the righteousness? Do you want to see me die? You can't fool anybody, Y.C with your devious ways! Girls, you can't believe that! You... Let's go! Young man! You're too meddlesome! Beat him! Let's go! Don't chase him! Are you all right? I'm Wu-ln-Shon. My father is Wu-Sun-Gwei. I'm Ah-Ko! Sister! Master said Wu-Sun-Gwei is a traitor. If we get invaded by his son, our master will blame us. I know how to control it! Thanks for your help! See you! Please... Miss... Let them go! You've already made big trouble. That man was Wei-Shou-Bou! Is he Wei-Shou-Bou? Wow! Their Kung-fu is so great! Ou-Bei's Kung-fu was very good, but still he was killed by me. Go back and get some men We want to call on Ta-Jen! What's the matter? Imperial decree: he wants Ta-Jen to call on him as soon as possible. Where's His Majesty? Darling! Why do you want us to come here in a hurry? Darling was hit on the street today! After calling on his Majesty, let's beat him! Who has the guts to do that? The man who can defeat me has to be a superman. His fist is bigger than a kettle. His eyes are as big as onze balls. His tongue is as long as that of a cow! Two heads taller than me! Hi! Don't go away! You look so much alike! Get closer to each other, and take a look. So much alike! As though from the same mould. Is my tongue as long as that of a cow? Wow! Really it's you: the sissy! How dare you take my place! Kill him! Don't give up! I'm asking for help! Your majesty is coming here! My majesty! Stand up please! Wei! What's the matter? That sissy with a black hat ran into the palace without permission. He even tried to peep at the imperial concubine's body. I tried to stop him, but was beaten by him. Really? Yes! Ta-Jen Wei! What's your position in the imperial court? Pimp! No! I'm Da-Shei-Shi and Lu-Ding-Kong. May I help you, mister? Take a close look to see who I am! You say he's the conspirator of that sissy. Don't talk nonsense! This is the son of Ping Shi Ruler, Wu-Sun-Gwei. He wants to discuss national affairs with me! Princess! You're famous for your dignity and courage! This man is my best general! Brother! Brother! You're extraordinary! So glad to see you! What did you say about me? I say your Kung-fu is extraordinary! My admiration for you is like running water lasting forever! Shou Bou! No more words! Order them to prepare the food. Will it be ok? Sure! Go ahead! Brother! Cheers! Let's just forget about our little mistake! Please! Princess! With a superior like him. I'm sure you'll win every fight. Even if you want to rise up against the court, you'll win. What did you say? Do you want to slander the prince! Today is... I like today... Your Majesty! Why don't we just have some fun? Great idea. Do you have any ideas? I want to bet with 100 taels that the general official. Can smash my superiors within ten Kung-fu moves. I can't guarantee it! Guarantee what? OK! So I'll bet with 1 million taels that you can't win. OK! A deal! OK! Crown Prince! Don't lose me any face! My majesty! Stand up! Thanks! Your majesty! Dragon! Now you can start! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 One more! Dragon! Don't lose face for the Ping Shi Ruler. Ten! Bugger! Thanks for your money! Will it be ok if I say it's the equivalent of your compensation for my wounds? OK! Please forgive my rudeness? That's OK! Boxing is dangerous. Thanks! Your majesty! I want to declare one thing here. I want my sister to marry Wu. He'll be my imperial other-in-law! Thanks. Your Majesty! This is the happiest news today! Well I'll designate you to be my lmperial lnspector General. Escort my sister to Un Nang! Yes! Do you know why I want to bestow the marriage? My majesty! I don't dare to guess in front of you. After Ou Bei was killed, everyone people is loyal to me! Except for some traitors, like Tien-Di Gang. and the One Arm Divine Nun, who say's she's a Ming Princess, dare to against me! Those ballheads! Let them run their course. I've been restless due to a big problem. That Ping-Shi Ruler Wu Sun Gwei. Why did His majesty want to be Wu's other-in-law. I keep getting information from my spy that, He collects troops and horses, conspiring with Divine Dragon Gang! It's also him who sent the fake empress dowager here. It's obvious he wants to rise up against you! That's why I arranged for you to be the lmperial lnspector General! To kill him when I've got chance! No! Don't kill him but eliminate all the trouble. I hope you can use a conciliatory policy, to calm him down! So he can't rise up recently! When the time comes. I'll round everything up. I see! Now what I'm worried about, is that my spoiled sister won't marry him! Help me persuade her! Yes! Your Royal Highness. It's Wei-Shou-Bou! Stand up! Thanks Princess! Fu! Lu! You may leave now. Yes! Princess! You'll choke me to death! You devil! Why don't you just die? You don't have to see me! But I still come here! Now it's not so bad! Princess! Congratulations! I've some great news. Duke Wei! Congratulations! I've some great news for you, too. You do? You say yours first! Our majesty confirms on the marriage. Really? She'll marry Wu-ln-Shon, the second son of Ping-Shi-Ruler. I'll accompany her when she gets married. No way! Shou Bou! Why? Because I'm carrying your baby! Your words make me realize that! I was frightened out of my wits, and lost my soul. Then what should I do? The charge is serious! Maybe I have to be decapitated. Persuade my other to change his decision, so I can marry you. I'll not hit you on the 1st and 15th day of the month. That generous? Yes! But how can we change the decision of his majesty? I don't care! Otherwise, I'll tell my other that you raped me! Why does it still sound logical for you to describe things in the opposite way? Otherwise. I'll still marry Wu-ln-Shon. Tell him this is your son. But you have to see me every evening from now on! How can that be possible? That's adultery. I will be disgraced! So do you want to be decapitated or disgraced? Your majesty! We're at Ten-Mile-Forest! Order the army to take a rest! Brother-ln-Law! Let's take a rest here! Yes! Your majesty! Ta-Jen Wei! Come here! Ta-Jen Wei! You look very handsome in the helmet. My respect to you is like running water... Running your mother! With the turtle shell, I feel my head has got shot! Are you a big watermelon? Sit! Yes! Hope you have a nice trip! Thanks! Cheers! Cheers... Shiu Bou! I feel bored! What's the matter! Shou Bou! Disguise yourself as a turtle. It's your wedding ceremony! Disguised as a turtle! What ajoke! It's for your own good! Don't run away! Like a needle gap arrester. The thunder will split you first! It's really thunder! I'm not a needle gap arrester. Don't be afraid. The thunder will split me first. Take this with you. Really troublesome! Stand up! Be more energetic! Ta-Jen Wei! You look fantastic! Thanks! When I'm here. No one dares to touch My Majesty! Damned Your Majesty! Assassin!... Bodyguard!... Be careful! Bodyguard!... Cold lce Slapping! Damned Your Majesty! What are you doing! Protect the emperor! Cold lce Slapping! Shou Bou! Are you OK? I'm glad that I'm wearing an invulnerable underwear inside. Your Majesty! Are you OK! I'm OK! You protected me. So I'll bestow on you a title Protector! Bestow that title on me? Bodyguard! Protect Our Majesty! Wait! Protect Our Majesty! What's your name? Wen Shau Lun! Go back and eliminate all your family! Thanks. Your Majesty Why are there so many people here? Damn it! Whose shoes are they? Hi! Don't hit my back! Who is holding my penis then! Shut up! We're all unable to act according to our own will! Who's being so bossy? You son of bitch! It's me! Are you OK? In this situation it's hard to decide who's better. Why don't we use our Kung-fu to get them out of here! OK! I want to kill you. My Majesty! I'll accompany you. Please! Be accompany me, too! Thanks. Wait! How long do I have to wait? Don't exert yourself so hard! Son of bitch! Don't run away! I'm OK! I'll follow you no matter where you go! Go and catch both of them. Why don't you run after them! Don't worry! I'll save your lmperial-Brother-in-Law right now. Don't forget to save Duke Wei! Everyone, listen to me now! Stop the old nun and the Crown Prince! What are you doing now? Your sword is in front of my neck. So of course I cowered. Your rascal! Believe it or not I'll kill you! Master... Master! How was that? It's hard to believe there's such a master of martial arts protecting Kang Hsi. Is that because the Ching Dynasty is still fated to survive? Sister! Do you want me to help you find a doctor? Do you want to go? Master! Wei-Shou-Bou is such a sly person. Maybe we should just kill him! I just tried to help you! No! He's the favourite person of Kang Hsi. Now he's our protective shield! No! No! No! Can't you remember I saved you that day? Ko! Did you see him before? That day I went spying with Sister. I was almost killed by Wei-Shou-Bou. Fortunately, he saved me! Why did I never hear you talk about that? I think you still forget about one thing! He's the son of Ping-Shi Ruler. The master who hurt you is his superior. Is he the son of Ping-Shi Ruler, the traitor? Ko! Kill him! No! Don't kill me!... How dare you not listen to me? Save me! Here I am! Old nun! Release him! You may come and take him back if you have guts. The old man is hurt already! No need to be afraid. You're lucky to be killed by my lnternal Thunder Palm! I was too bold to help you with lnternal Thunder Plam. Please forgive me by doing that! What Internal Thunder Plam? That's a gun! Why do you help me? Sir!... Why are you so nervous? I just attacked his sleeping point. Now you can just say what you want! Please forgive my rudeness. Ching-Ming? Left for rebellion! Right foot for Ching-Ming? Are you a member of Tien-Di gang? Yes! I'm Chin-Mu-Tong leader of Tien-Di gang. This is my badge of authority. My master, Cheng-Ging-Nang sent me to spy in the Palace. I'm so lucky to have the chance to see you! Master! Don't believe him! He's very sly. Is that right? How's the General Leader, Cheng? Thanks for your concern! My master can eat, sleep, and usually only talks about you! He said in the whole world his Wu-Kung is second best. You're the No.1. Super No.1! I don't deserve the praise! I hope you could be my master, too. I'm wondering if I could have that chance! Mr. Wei! Stand up, please! If you don't promise me that, I'll never stand up! OK! Thanks! Sister! I know you still kind of misunderstand me. I believe that you'll understand me soon! Mr. Wei! So for now you're just my disciple in name! If General Leader Cheng agrees, I'll teach you my Wu Kung! Thanks Sister! No! Thanks master! We should leave this place quickly. There's the other sister waiting for us at the lnn. OK! Master. May I ask you a question? ls One Arm Knife King your father? No! There's an lnn! Yes. You're right! Ta-Jen Duo! Why do you keeping looking at that man? That's a woman! How do you know? Because when men see me, they always vomit! But he didn't. So I think he must be a she. You're so smart! My respect to you, is as the running water lasting forever. Damn it! Don't copy my words! Master! Here! Thanks! Sister! Are you looking for me? Get out of here! Ah-Nong. Master got hurt. Take here into the room for treatment. Ah-Ko! Watch him! Shou Bou! Take a look around us. See if anyone is following us! Yes! Master! But this guy... I stabbed his pressure points. He can't hear us! Don't worry! Sister! I want to confess to you. Actually l... Get out of here! Ta-Jen Wei! Ta-Jen Wei! You're really a big man! You really flatter a lot! I really can't stand you! We got here very quickly. We knew there's only this lnn in the neighborhood. That's how we could get here so soon! I don't need you help! That old nun can't defeat me! The reason why I come here is because I want... Your taste is unique! Even an old nun can interest you! We really admire you! Shut up! I want her disciple Ah Ko. Did you ing my luggage! Sure! Even your helmet is with us! What a smart boy you are! How dare you steal my show! Marvelous! Ta-Jen! You're so attractive! Just as running water lasting forever! My admiration to you... Don't keep looking at my penis. OK? Yes... Ta-Jen! I've got something interesting for you! Don't waste our youth fruitlessly! Erotic grandma and father-in-law! Erotic balloon-guitar, Trumpet! Ta-Jen! These three things are, the worst things in the world! Took a look at me, boy! Wow! What's that? It's I love one match stick. It's second only to Love match stick on. Forget touching, even smelling for a while will kill you! Really! Try! What will happen after I smell it? Think about the name! After you smell it. You'll have special sexual desire, for sticks or bars. You'll keep running after them for kisses. No matter how hard you try to go against him or humiliate him. Or hit him! He'll still go on forever! Ta-Jen! ls there anyway we can help? Simple! I just have to spray medicine on it, then it'll be OK! Ta-Jen Wei! I think Miss Ah-Ko. Won't be able to get away from you! Ah-Ko. Why don't you let me go? No! My master will scold me for that! Why don't you go with me? How dare you say this? I'm telling you my true feeling. The day when I first saw you. I just fell in love with you. But I just have no chance to confess to you. So why did you marry the princess? That's my father's conspiracy! After overthrowing the Ching Empire, he'll be the emperor. I'll be the prince! My wife the princess! Maybe she'll be the queen very soon! Why do you have to tell me this? Don't you understand my love to you? You're the only woman in my heart! Only you are qualified to be my wife! Sister! Did the son of bitch play any tricks on you? He won't succeed! Yes! You're right! Two words are written here... disgusting! Did you do this? You'd better pray for yourself! He!... Sister! Tell me what that means! Because I can't read! Don't move! I wrote it to him. Sister! I'm afraid you're tired, too! Come here! Take a seat first! Thank you. Master! You... Why? Are you OK? I'm fine! I just cured my internal injuries by myself! No!... Are you really OK? Shut up! Go out now! We've something to talk about! Don't go now! Master! What do you want? Can you really make sure no one was following us? I'm sure! Now you may leave here! Okay. What's wrong? The divine nun got shot by I love a match stick. I'm a girl. Who does she chase me? Because you look like a stick! Master! Let's go away now! Sister! lfyou go away, master will blame you for this! Go with me! I will treat you well! Come. Welcome! Old nun! Hand over Wei-Shou-Bou and the Crown Prince! Get out or I'll rush in now! Who are they? Who are they? You go out first! Stop them! Hu-Fa! Go away! Let's get Wei-hou-Bou! Why do they want me? What do you want? Ta-Jen Wei! Don't look at me that way. My respect to you is like running water lasting forever. Like the overflowing yellow river! You have no spirit of justice and loyalty to friends. No! Ta-Jen Wei! For only one man to die alone is better than two men dying together. I'll give you respect after you die. Founder! Let's attack her! You are here! Why do you dress up like a girl? Sissy! How dare you! Why don't you kneel down! You don't have to dress up as a girl! Wei-Shou-Bou! I said I'll come back again! Don't you remember me! Divine Dragon Gang-Divine Virgin. Did you have an operation! Actually I'm a woman! Now you look better! Better than before, right? Yes... Since we all know each other. Why don't we just make everything clear. Then it'll be OK! Duo Long! Let's go! Master! You know each other. But I don't know you. Founder! Let's go first! Wow! You're really cruel! Nothing special! Bye! Where's the old nun and the Crown Prince? Yes! Let's go for here! She's up there! You go for her! What a big one! Shut up or I'll cut off your tongue. The tongue is the thing I use to make a living. Do you want me to die? If you want to go, I'll cut off your feet! You want to hit Divine Nun and you want to cut off my body parts. So who are you helping indeed? What's between you and me is personal feud. You spoiled my plan in the court and even tried to kill me. It's the emperor who wanted to shoot you. Not me! If you want to avenge yourself. Go for the Emperor. None of my business! Come here! I'm coming! I shouldn't say that! Sorry! May I help you? Help me up! What are you doing? Helping you up! Nice smell! You're even angry at my nice smell! Do you favor awful smell? If you can help me go back to the Divine Dragon Gang. Maybe I won't kill you. Thanks! Come on! I know! Wu-Sun-Gwei's getting involved with you. The Ping Shi Ruler helps our Gang a lot! How do you know that? None of your business! My master told me that. How about if your master fooled you? What do you mean? I mean maybe she was cheating you! Will you cheat your father? Yes! But it depends on whether I can gain profit or not! How about if you can get profit? Then I'll fool him around! Shameless! Bitch! Sooner or later I'll fuck you! What did you say? Hurry up! Hi... Look! This is a own pig! That's a donkey! A dog which can bark! What are you doing! Founder! Ping-Shi Leader's son and his ambassador. Feng-Shi-Fan have been waiting for a while! Let them in! Founder! Thanks for your help at the inn. Its due to you that I escaped alive. Are you saying that I can't beat the old nun? Don't be so serious! My father is going to rise an army. He appreciates that Divine Dragon Gang helps us, to train people and contributes to us lot. So he wants us to give this wine to you. And name you Hu-Kwo-Shen-Neu. Thanks! Give the wine! I was getting involved with something important; I can't go there. I do appreciate your help! Cheers! Something's wrong. You can really hold your wine. I've heard that your Divine Dragon Virgin Kung Fu, has lasted from generation to generation. It's vulnerable to all kinds of poison. I wonder if it's true or not! Don't mention that Virgin Wu-Kung. It's nothing. I also want to know if this Wu Kung can defeat, the strongest poison, Chi-ln-Ho-Hwang-Sun. Feng-Shi-Fan. What do you mean by that? Our leader is already unhappy about, your Divine-Dragon gang's bullying behavior. He ordered me to root out the gang. Catch them! Do you think you can make me surrender? Before you came back, we already attacked and occupied Divine Dragon Gang base. Now all the people are loyal to us. Those who refused to surrender were all killed. Dragon! I traveled everywhere just to find this, Chi-ln-Ho-Hwang-Sun It will can defeat your Kung Fu. I put it in the wine. Now do you feel hot? You have to make love to a man before the day dawns. Otherwise, your whole body will eject blood and then you'll die. Maybe heaven can do you a favor! Founder! We're here to help you! Master! Your Wu-Kung is high enough. So why don't you give me eight tenth of the Kung-Li. Crown princess! You... Am I wrong? Go! Please! Hurry up! Go away! Divine Dragon Shueh Dun Da Fa. You look OK! Do you want to buy us a snack? What happened? You!... I used my last natural strength to pass my power, Now the strength is bumping around in my heart. Let me scrub your east! Come here! Don't touch me! Go away! Who cares! Big watermelon! You told me you will fool your father around. To make a profit. I am the only person you can trust! Don't go! I don't like him! But his words make sense! My gang was so loyal to the Ping Shi Ruler, but they still eliminated all of my people. Is this my fate to die here! Cha-Bau-U? Come here! What for? Ask me to go and come back again! What do you want? Make it clear! Come over here! Does she want to kill time with me? Am I blessed or what? Spider monster! Help! Wei-Shou-Bou, perhaps this is God's will. I won't forgive you if you treat me badly. You've woken up. I haven't slept. Bou, I'm your woman now. I'll listen to you from now on. Get my pants for me. Good girl. It's dawns! Bou, come here. What? I heard people say Wu Sun Gwei was a big hero. Now I realize it's not true. Now I realize you're so beautiful! I'm hungry! I want to eat now! What's wrong? You have eight-tenth of my Kung Li. No one can beat you! Do I really have the greatest Wu Kung? Only a virgin can have the greatest Wu Kung? Once she loser her virginity, her Kung Li will be, transferred into the man's body. Now I only have two tenths of my Kung Li! I don't believe it! Would you mind if I give you two fists? I'm joking! I won't! After we're been together, you become royal King of my Gang. You have responsibility to avenge me! Against whom? Wu-Sun-Gwei and Feng-Shi-Fan! Even if you didn't tell me, I'll still mess them around! Ta-Jen Wei! Why are you crying? Tell me now or I'll kill you. Princess! Ta-Jen Wei is my only good friend. Our otherhood is just like the running water lasting forever! That night... What happened that night? I fought 100 people at the same time, but I couldn't even help him them. That evil woman caught him. Then, caught his left hand by her right one and his right foot, by her right hand. She twisted his head. Did he die then? Yes! Your words just make me realize that! I was frightened out of my wits and lost my soul! Why is the princess so enthusiastic about singing suddenly? You don't understand! Only Wei and I do. Princess! It doesn't matter if you do or not! Only if they're the hips of Ta-Jen Wei, I'll be so willing to wipe them. Not necessary. Someone will do that definitely! Your may leave now! Yes! Princess! Ta-Jen Duo! Forego formalities! Thanks! Ta-Jen Duo, I'll have a party in my official residence tonight. I hope Princess and Ta-Jen will grace our place with your presence. Since Ta-Jen Wei suffered from such a misfortune we've no appetite. So pay us in cash. Yes, sir! Besides. Ta-Jen Wei served his fatherland with unreserved loyalty. We have to give him a glorious funeral ceremony. With a gilded coffin, golden clothes, and a gold basin. Yes! I'll ask the best gold smiths to make them. Forget about it! Pay the cash! Besides, he liked beautiful girls when he was alive. Maybe he'll appear in my dream. I don't know Who, I can find to be his company. So select 10 beautiful girls to sleep with me. Ta-Jen Duo is very considerate! If Ta-Jen Wei knew this, he would feel touched. Sure! I'm such a straight-forward and virtuous person, it's really a dilemma for me to sleep with a dozen beauties. What are you doing? Nothing! National humiliation makes my heart sorrowful! The hatred is as deep as the sea! Unforgettable! Fulfill my dream!... Ta-Jen Wei! You didn't die? Thank Heaven! I really saw my dream come true! How could I give up my life having such a friend like you? Yes! Yes! Duo-Long! You are a good friend! Ta-Jen Wei!... I suffered from insomnia and, my eyes dripped until dawn after I tied you up that day. I always remember two characters. I even engraved them on my arms to remind myself. That serious! Which 2 characters? You may take a look yourself. Revenge! Yes! I didn't receive a lot of education! I'm wondering if I misspelled the word. Seem's all right. These are the characters that I keep thinking of day and night. To revenge for you. Wow! You're still bleeding! Did you just engrave it? No! I engraved it a long time ago. But every time I get excited, itjust starts bleeding. Since I see you now. How can I not bleed? So why do you carry a the knife with you? Why do I have the knife? Who... who put it here? Duo Long! You're my good other. You didn't forget I burned the paper money for you. I'll forgive you. Thanks for your kindness. Do you mind if I tell you one more secret? Tell me a secret? Actually, I am the man sent by the emperor to spy on the Tien-Di Gang. The plan is to get close to Cheng-Ging-Nang. According to my information. The organization is nationwide. They even have a anch in Nathan Road. Really? So. I want you to do me a favor! Me? You run into the street, and say the password when you see a fat woman. Then someone will take you into a anch of Tien-Di-Gang! What's the password? Against Ching Dynasty to recover Ming Dynasty. How can I say such a traitorous password? In Rome do as the Romans do! I'll engrave a special password on your back. Anything else? Sure? After you get there, you'll see a man who dresses up like a Ching official. That's Cheng-Ging-Nang. You show him the password on your back. He'll give you one thing. What's that? A secret! Shut up! I'm singing! Princess! It's me! Against Ching to recover Ming! Against Ching to recover Ming! Against Ching to recover Ming! Weird! A anch of Tien-Di Gang! So ave? Wow! Marvelous! How come Wei-Shou-Bou is in Kun Ming now? This man is very cunning. You can't underestimate him. Father! Wei-Shou-Bou has humiliated me several times. If I don't torture him to death, I can't feel satisfied. Are you crazy! Now he's the lmperial lnspector General. Killing him is the same as rebellion! Besides it'll take us one month to get provisions and fodder ready! How can we ruin our plan just because of a little personal grudge? Yes! Crown Princess! After we invade the city, it's just be little effort for us to mince Wei Shou Bou into pork buns. You don't have to rush! Moreover, you're the imperial son-in-law. You should go to see the princess when you have free time. And we'll pretend to arrange a wedding ceremony. It will make that damned Kang Hsi think, that we're still loyal to him! Do you understand? Yes! I do. There are agents from Kwang Tong. To discuss the war with me. I don't want to have so many people here. Evacuate all the soldiers into the back garden. Yes! Just hang the sign here? What reckless behavior! The door is open wide! No wonder why they can't beat us! Against the Ching Dynasty to recover the Ming Dynasty. Who is talking nonsense? Against the Ching Dynasty to recover the Ming Dynasty Who have the guts to say that? Who are you? A perfect disguise! Just like an important Ching's official. Are you a spy? Password! What password? Against Ching to recover Ming Dynasty. How dare you! Someone's coming! Hi...We're with the same circle! I have the password! Look! Against Ching to recover Ming! Vow to kill Wu-Sun-Gwei. Now you know who I am! Go take a crap! Son of bitch! I have the password! Son of bitch! Someone's coming! We've an assassin! How dare you hit me! How dare you hit me! How dare you?... We've an assassin So you thought my kung-fu was bad? Get me now. Hit him for me. Against Ching to recover Ming Dynasty? Smash him until no one can recognize who he is! Against Ching to recover Ming... Wang Yeh! The princess is coming accompanied by Ta-Jen Wei. I'm sorry that I didn't welcome you earlier. Stand up. The princess will soon be Wang Yeh's daughter-in-law! What's wrong with your eyes? My eyes got hurt by accident. Tell my son to come here! Help! Help! May I have your surname? Ta-Jen! It's me! Duo Long! Go take a crap! Duo Long isn't as handsome as you. Confine the traitor to the stone room! Yes. Ta-Jen Wei. Of course! We even bought stewed meat and had fun with whores. Are you really Duo Long? Yes! He ran into my Ping-Shi Palace. And shouted Against Ching to recover Ming. He's a traitor! Wait! He's really Duo Long! Wang Yeh! Why did you hit the imperial official? Yes! He's an official of imperial court? Yes! I am. But even if you're an imperial official, you still have to be decapitated. But he has no reason to against the Ching Empire! He's a Manchu. So he's going against his tribe! Yes... Duo Long! Have you been wronged? Yes! Ta-Jen! I'm wrong! You're telling a lie! Take a look at his back! Let me see! Nothing! A spot! It's dirty! You wiped it! I did see a tattoo! Against Ching to recover Ming. Vow to kill Wu-Sun-Gwei!. Wang Yeh! Are you accusing me of telling a lie, too? Shou Bou. How can you be so rude to Wang Yeh! Yes! Wang Yeh! Let me be the judge! It's my pleasure! I say it's you fault! Duo Long is the lmperial lnspector General! He is responsible to protect me on the journey with the, Shan Fong Sword. Now he's going to teach you a lesson, with this Shan Fong Sword bestowed by the emperor. I can't help you, either, Yes! Which son of bitch hit me? Don't be so rushed... You hit me. Duo Long! You just decapitated the man who insulted you! Its you Don't act foolishly!... I am going to kill you. Tablet of death amnesty is here! Even if you have the sword. You can't kill me! Dad! Don't you remember the tablet? Tablet of death amnesty... Tablet of death amnesty? Oh! I almost forget about that tablet bestowed by the late emperor. Now you can't threat me! Can't l? Of course you can't kill a man with that tablet! But those who don't have the tablet... Father! Would you lend it to me for a while? Give it to me! You run fast, so you go first. I can't. No! You're the Ping-Shi Ruler! He doesn't dare to kill you. No! I must take the tablet with me at the same time. No! No! Mine! Return it to me! Stop! Who should I chop first? Give it to me... You don't have the tablet! You did enjoy beating me a lot! Give it back to me! Give me that! Give it to me... To me... Where is it? Where? It's here! Hi! I have it! Sorry... Son! What's wrong with you? Husband! What's wrong? Yes! Take him to rest. Yes! Let me see what happened to the lmperial Son-in-law. It's OK now! You may leave now! Yes! Husband! Are you ok? It's painful! Painful! so why don't you just let me take a look at you? It's embarrassing. Don't be silly! We'll be a couple! Why do you still say that? Don't act recklessly! I've the tablet! Don't rush! Leader Duo! Men aren't perfect! We can't change the reality. You just pay him some money? OK! He's not seriously hurt, anyway! Well I'll pay 500 thousand taels to him. What did you say? Nothing! Go on! Come on! OK! I'll pay! Gilded Knife! Jade Stamp! This... No! This is... Wu-Sun-Gewi! It's your fate! Against Ching to ascend the throne! Gilded Knife and jade stamp can testify to that! Wang Yeh! You... It's none of my business! Someone blamed the crime on me! I've never had the intention to go against the Ching Empire! Sorry! It's terrible! I'm so scared! Son! Princess! Son! What's wrong with you? Princess! What did you do? He... He wanted to rape me! So I just used the knife to cut him! Son! The princess will marry you sooner or later. Why are you so rushed at this moment? Now you make a mess like this. How can I make an excuse? I'm scared! You... Well done! I learn from you! Some one's coming! Wang Yeh! What's the matter? The princess is in shock! Send her back to Phoenix Villa. Yes! I'm so scared! Ta-Jen Wei! I'm sorry for all of these things. Please forgive me! So many things that aren't supposed to happen, happened today. I couldn't know what to do if I were to go! Princess! Let's go now. I'm so scared... Master! You son has fainted! Tell Mr. Feng to come back now. Yes! Tell all the army to be on the alert! Go! Yes! Wang Yeh! How's my son? The crown princess is ok now! But his penis is seriously hurt. I'm afraid he won't be able to have children! Ridiculous! How dare Kang Shi. Send his sister and Wei-Shou-Bou to cut off my family line. I'll take revenge! Gather all the troops! I want to fight them now! Don't be angry! We're not prepared yet. If you open fire so recklessly, I don't think we can win. Keep cool! After six months... I'll say open the fire! I'm the leader. Do you want to go against me? No! I don't dare! Tomorrow Surround the Phoenix Villa with troops and horses. Torture the damned couple to death! Falling flowers in the air. Moon light so ight! A glass of wine on the Phoenix table. So romantic! My royal highness. Please drink! You curry favors and flatter all the time! What's the matter? Princess! Your suspicions are unnecessary. I just want to introduce you to a girl. Dragon! So that's the style you favor! Don't touch me from now on! Come on! She's a girl. You're sister now. Be happy! Don't even dream about that! Who does she think she is? Does she want to take my husband away! No way! Of course not! You only have one fourth of me! I was already suspicious that you'd had love affairs with them. It's common for a big man to have 3 or 4 wives. So far I only have 3 wives and one concubine! Shame on you! Don't keep dreaming! How dare they want to enjoy the same thing as me? No way! Never! They are my wives, and you're my concubine! When they have a seat you must stand up. When we sleep, you've to cover the quilts for us. You're dreaming! Didn't we have a deal that you can't smash my face? Who cares! It's really bad for a concubine to hit you. Dear sisters! Give her a lesson! Wait! How dare you? Yeah! This is Wei's Child Hit it! Please! Hurry! Of course you can't hit my flesh and blood! But you can just hit her east! Help... Princess! Don't be afraid! I'm here to protect you. They abuse me! Duo Long! My fist is called Divine Dragon Dismemberment! After you're attacked, your body will be dismembered. If you want to try. Please hold on a moment! I'll count to 3! Hit him! One... Wow! When did you learn Kung-fu? Do you still want to be a concubine? Can I be a wife? OK! You may call me big sister from now on! They're the second and third sisters! I'll give you a name Dai-Tsi! Hope you can deliver a son for my husband! Dai Tsi sounds awful! So how about if I call you Wu-Yu-Tsi? Wu-Yu-Tsi? It sounds better! Do you eat dinner so early? Master! General Leader! Master! Let me introduce you to the Dragon! This is the leader of the Divine Dragon gang! Now she's my sweet heart! You Know Da Swan and Shau Swan, right? This is Wu-Yu-Tsi! Come in and take a seat! I heart that Feng-Shi-Fan is serving Wu-Sun-Gwei. The man has a very cunning nature. And his Wu Kung is better than mine. I'm afraid you can't handle him. I haven't seen him yet! But I've followed your instruction, to cause a great disturbance at Wu-Sun-Gwei's palace! I'm sure he'll rise up against the Ching Empire soon. I'm sure of it! He's been here tonight! And he'll catch you at home and peel your skin! He's stirring us up with these sensational statements! I'm not scared! Duo Long! Prepare a fast horse for me. I'm leaving! I think they'll rise up now. Especially now, they'll have Princess to as a hostage. What should we do? Show Bou. Let's evacuate now! Get away from Kun-Ming. Leader! I'll listen to your plan! Shou Bou! Take care! At least you'd take care of one of your wives. Don't worry! I'll take care of all of them! You go first! Shou Bou! You'd better go with Dragon first. I'll follow you! Master! Shou Bou! You're smart and can adapt yourself quickly. If you don't desire honor and wealth, I'm sure you'll overthrow the Ching emperor and recover our fatherland! Yes! Master! But I really have a question. Go on! After Kang Hsi ascended the throne, it's been very prosperous and peaceful. Especially after the death of Ou-Bei. All the people lead a good life. Why do you still want to over throw him. Because it's my dream. I see! But if you want to overthrow him just to fulfil your dream. Don't you feel it's kind of... This is not the time for an argument. You stubborn old man! Even your disciple won't submit willingly. Feng Shi Fan! Get back! Brother! Long time no see! I'm surprised you're now a lackey. Being a lackey of the rich is better than being a poor man! Can't you understand this? You're shameless! The Grand Transposition Where's your Kung Li gone? Who did you give it to? Young boy! How dare you hit her? I'm here! Do you want to kill me with that circle? Wow! Do you have more? I don't want to play any more! Wow! ls that great? How come? You've very strong natural strength! But it's so wild that, I can't control. So she gave her Kung Li to you! So what? Shou Bou! Dragon's hurt! Take her away! Master! Can you handle it by yourself? If even you can make it. Why can't l? Yeah! Go! Sword Style! The Grand Transposition Brother! You used to make disparaging comments to our master. That's why I was driven out by him. Now it's your turn for retribution. The master asked me to do it. I'm so sorry I didn't kill you at that time. So now you can just blame me for your foolishness. Brother! I'm surprised you lost today! Shut up! lfyou want to kill me, do it now! I'm reluctant to kill you! With your help, I can get fame and property! Dragon! Are you OK. Are you all right. I'm fine! Shou-Bou! I didn't hurt you seriously! Why are you so sad? I have many passions! It's my shortcoming. Shou-Bou! Don't be silly! Actually! You've many merits! I have only one Iongcoming. Please! Would you please notice me first next time when you appear? Didn't you hear the sound fit? Mr. Wei! She... She's my wife. Does she surrender to you, too? Hard to say! You monks won't understand this! We common people can never understand you! How did you catch them? Wu-Sun-Gwei was too busy arranging the troops. Then, the traitor, Ah Ko went in Ping-Shi Palace. So I just got her back. Also! I found the book, 42 Chapters Script! 42 Chapters Script! You have the book with you? This book is very important to our Reconstruction Plan. Thanks. Mr. Wei! Where are they? How should we deal with both of them? Everyone has the right to kill them! But if he's willing to redeem sin by good deeds. I'll consider giving them the chance! You... Thanks! Die first! It's you! Kill him! No! Forgive me, please! We decide to die together! You decide it! I didn't! Ta-Jen Wei! Please forgive me. I'll like to be a slave for all my life! Why are you so afraid of him? You said will never separate! I was joking! Are you serious? How can you say this to me? Now I'm a eunuch. Why do you still want me? Don't get me involved! Why are you crying? Please... Get away! Son of bitch! Wow! How could you say things like that? I've been good enough to you. What do you want? He treats you like this, but you treat him like that. What the hell do you want? Shou Bou. What are you talking about? Nothing? Why don't you come home? I serve my wives in the morning they serve me at night. You're lucky that Wei gave shelter to you. Otherwise, I'd just kill you. You should thank Mr. Wei! Yeah! Thanks Mr. Wei! Thanks for not killing me! Shameless! Nasty! A good lesson! You too! Although I hit you. I feel pain in my heart. Another girl sacrificed! Come on! We're just making a living! Happiness lies in giving help to others. Your Majesty! Stand up! Come on over here! Yes! I care so much about your Majesty! How's everything going? Fine! Do you want to tell me anything? Sure! The Ping Shi Ruler wants to rise up against the Ching Empire. I think Your Majesty should just punish him right away! Kill him before he gets everything ready. I already opened fire two days ago! Your Majesty is so intelligent and able to predict the future! I do admire you! You must feel strange Why can I predict the future? Yes... I want to introduce a new colleague to you. You've to cooperate together and assist me. Who's that? You son of bitch! Shou Bou! Don't be so impolite! Your majesty! Duke Wei is a man who doesn't bother with small matters. It's natural for him to say vulgar words. Duke Wei! Now we're both loyal to Our Majesty. Please forgive me for what I've done to you! What did you do to my master? Look at my clothes. Can't you see? Did you take him to Your Majesty? Feng Shi Fan has already turn in Wu's map of the troops to me. Also, he caught the head of the Tien-Di Gang. Cheng Ging Nang. So you have to be friendly to each other from now on! Yes! OK! Shou Bou! That fake queen dowager slandered you saying you're a traitor. I feel very sorry for that. I don't want you to be under the suspicion. So I decided to send you to be the supervisor of Chen's execution! Then people won't guess that you've any relationship with Cheng! How do you feel about it? I appreciate your kindness! After darling got back from the Palace. He looked very depressed! I wonder what's wrong with him! Even you don't know. How can l? Hi! He favors you so much. Do you have any idea? He never told me anything. How would I know? My other has been taking baths by me from his childhood. I know everything about him. So he can never hide any secret! So what happened? I don't know! I used to do every thing with the help of divine power. But I have no confidence at all today! Because the emperor was on your side before! Now he helps Feng-Shi-Fong. So how can you be confident at all? 42 chapters script. I've been reading the book thousand of times. Burn it for me! Darling! Why do you want to do that? I'm going crazy! The princess is coming! Your Royal Highness! Your Royal Highness! Stand up! Stand up! You may go now! Yes! Big sister! The Second, third, and fourth sister! Wu-Yu-Tsi is paying respect to you! Ok. Darling! What's the matter with you? Wu-Yu-Tsi! My other ordered the highest general to watch you. If they feel anything wrong, they'll surround us. Take care! It must be Feng-Shi-Fan! Why did he keep burning for such a long time? I can see some words! East...Read the word! East Never fails! He's coming back! The Mausoleum in the East Suburb! This part is fireproof. Can we find the secret there? I've a plan! Your Majesty! I wonder why Your Majesty wanted me to be here so late! I've caught some today, but I want to go hunting tomorrow. Would you like to go with me? Sure! It's my pleasure. OK! Give Feng clothes and the Shan-Fong sword! Thanks! Feng! Don't forget! The sword can't leave the scabbard. Once it's out of the scabbard, you have to see blood! I know! OK! See you tomorrow! I'm leaving! Master! I'm useless, so you're tortured me so harshly. None of your business! It's my own fault! I want to say good bye to you. I played a trick on him. Tomorrow I will avenge you at the hunting ground! Your Wu Kung can't rival Feng-Shi-Fan's. Now I have eight-tenth of Dragon's Kung Fu. Besides... You can't control Dragon's natural strength! Feng has Liou Ho Boy to help him. His Wu Kung is matchless. I still want to try! Shou-Bou! Come over here! Master! What do you want? Why can't I see anyone here? Feng She Fong! You were fooled! Wei Shou Bou! Come out if you've got the guts. Don't be a turtle! I'm here already! Wei! You inherited a woman's Kung Li. Now you're neither a male nor a female. Yes! I really favor you. I'm making underwear for you. You're really cruel! So cruel that you don't even give the kids clothes! Come here! I'll give you some clothes to wear! Liou Ho Ba Styles! Golden Snake Twisting Hand! Liou Ho child eating so much! Itjust fits! I used to respect you. But today I've got the Shan-Fong Sword. I'm afraid it's too late, for you to feel regret. I've no time to play with you. I want to see His Majesty. Our Majesty is here! Your Majesty! I want to go hunting tomorrow! I wonder if you'd like to go with me! You were in the study last night? Correct! Wei! We used not to interfere with each other's affairs. But you just pushed me too hard! Don't blame me for this. You son of bitch, traitor! You harmed my master! I'll kill you! Liou-Ho Divine Kung! No! Sorry! That's ok! I want to use the right Kung-fu. Stay cool over there? Liou Ho Divine Slapping! Marvelous! Wei-Shou-Bou. How did manage such a huge improvement? Are you scared? Shou Bou. You're my only hope! You've all my skills & Kung Fu. From now on, you're the General Leader of Tien-Di-Gang. You're crafty! Sure. Otherwise, how can I kill you? Wei! You expend all your mental effort to crush me. But it's of no use. Spirit moving! Dragon claws! Crab... Scratch you son of bitch! Crab's Nippers! Hi! Can't you feel pain? Very relaxing! One more time! Bone melting slapping! I've got it! Game over! Liou-Ho-Da-Fa! Shou Bou! Needle & Thread. Shou Bou! Cold lce Slapping! I've got it! I'm very good at playing this kind of trick. Can you beat me? Shou Bou! Hi! Shou Bou! I didn't expect that I don't have to work hard. The gold kept by Ching before now has been changed into gold sand! They declared that the gold was still buried for away! But it's here already! This is an underground mausoleum. Maybe the secret of the book is here! This dragon wall was designed by a master. It represents the geomancy of the Ching Empire. Let's share this ourselves! I agree! Didn't we work hard just for this? We can only be rich if I have a little bit of that. Don't hit! What a big watermelon! Yes! You're right! OK! Sure! I knew you'd do this! What did he step on? A machine! Go! You're bleeding! That's ok! His wound is more serious! You don't have to stab yourself like this even though you're crazy! He's stimulating himself in the way he stimulated the Liou-Ho child. To produce all of his potential energy by covering his extra meridians. Does that work? Definitely! You must do your best to catch the slapping. OK! Shou Bou!... Shou Bou, are you ok? Dragon! Stick all your silver needles into my hair. To produce all of my potential energy! I don't know the way he really used them. I know only one way. To exert our potential energy! What way? Pain! Pain? I'll insert the needles into your painful points. You must stop eathing. Don't make any sound! You can only burst it out at the last minute. Bite my sandals! Thanks! The first needle! Goki Wo Point! Bei Chei Point! Da Chi Point! Open your mouth! Painful! I'm surprised it works so well! Shou Bou! You win! Marvelous! This fortune really kills people! I wonder how many people died for this? I decided to move it back home. So it won't be harmful to the world. Shou Bou! Smash the dragon wall. Then the Ching Empire will go into demise. Why do we have to go against the Ching Dynasty? Now Kang Hsi is the ruler. Everyone can go to school and make money! There's nothing wrong with that! What we care about is that whether the ruler is qualified or not. Is that right? Dragon! Maybe! OK! Now let's take Feng's body back to the execution ground. Otherwise, we'll be late. Go! Execution! Why aren't they here yet? We're coming! Master! I'm so happy you're OK! I know you're my good disciple! Darling! It's late! Let's go now! If the emperor found out we swapped the criminal, we'll have big trouble! Your Majesty! Put them away! I'll talk to him! Your Majesty! How daring you are! You killed my officer and took the criminal away! What a crime! Duo Long! You... Ta-Jen Wei! You got it! I betrayed you again! You can never change your bad nature! Yes! Your Majesty! To tell you the truth, My Wu Kung is the greatest in the world. I don't think any of you can stop me from doing anything! Anything? Yes! lncluding talking your head away! But I really can't figure out any good excuse, to kill a good emperor like you. Please be kind enough to let us go! Spare our lives! OK? Stand up! Thanks! Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Here you come again! I've heard that your Wu Kung is the greatest. I want to prove it! When I caught it. I really felt it was as hard as a stick. The traitor, Wei-Shou-Bou, has been scratched to death by me. His body was disposed of in the wild forest! All his companions have gone way! There's no Wei-Shou-Bou in the world. Treat my sister and my nephew well. Thanks for you scratching! Don't let anyone abuse them! I know! We're always good friends. Agreed! Take care! Bye! Ta-Jen Wei! Good Bye! I just fooled Your Majesty around so easily! Wives! Let's run away!

This is Helo 1. I have visual confirmation on Hodaddy. Still negative on our bad boy. Repeat. Still negative on the pickup. Heading for rendezvous at LZ Alpha Echo. All right, where are you, Percy? Come on. Come on. Wait a second. There's our turncoat. For crying out loud. Special Agent Scott. Mac here. Tell me you found that pilot. Absolutely. He's right here. - Here you go. - Is he alive? Yeah, he's okay. Don't screw this up, Alex. I want him in one piece. Consider it done. - You okay? - No, my leg's oken! You got ice on it right away. That should help. Let's go before the Russians get here. Hey, let me ask you something. What'd you do with that plane that you stole? Here they come. I'm not talking until you get me out. - Is that right? - Yeah. All right, let's go. God! Okay! Gundars! I sold the plane to Arnold Gundars. Now get me out of here! Get up. Hurry! The American pilot has escaped! Search the woods! He must be in the woods! What is this? Stalin's butt! He tricked us! - They're coming! - I got it. No, I don't. Fire! You okay? Ladies and gentlemen, now making his way to the ring... ...really needing no introduction the world over, he is undefeated... ...with 56 wins, no losses... ...here is the one and only... ...Kelly K. O. Robinson! When I say eak, eak clean. Keep those punches up high. I'm fair, but I'm firm. You'll have your first Sports Illustrated cover. Even though you'll be on it like this: - We'll see who looks like that. - Touch them up. Yeah, shit. He's scary as hell, ain't he? Kelly Robinson has come up with an exotic new challenge for himself. If he defends his title tonight... ...he'll do it again Thursday in Budapest, Hungary. I know what this means. I know what this mean when you do that. And Lirette is on queer street. You know what's gonna happen now, right? Boy, fight now! What you doing? Kelly's getting frustrated because Lirette won't fight. I'll give you a free shot. I won't chase you around the ring. Take a shot at this here. Don't be scared. I'll close my eyes. How about that? Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! You're out! Warm up the goulash in Budapest. Kelly Robinson is coming. I told you. Hold on. Come on, get this shot for Sports Illustrated. Cheese. Yeah. Yeah, 57 and 0. Gonna be 58 and 0 in couple of days. Put infinity on there because I'll never lose. I know what you saying. You better retire. You gonna run out of space on that arm. Jerry, you ain't got to do that. You been my boy for 10 years. Don't blow smoke up my ass. Get your head out my ass. - Head's out the ass. - Relax, man. Yeah, seriously, Jerry. That's pathetic. You've only worked three years. Keep your head where it's at. - Now, about the drawers. - Yeah. I think I got some drawers your size made of licorice. Hello, sir. Yes, right. Hold on, sir. Kelly. - Kelly! - Yeah? What's going on? It's the president. Really? President of the United States. The president want to talk to Kelly Robinson. - Mr. President? - What's up, homey? - What's up? - What's up, dog? - It's all good. How you doing? - Kicking with Putin. G.W.B., you should've called when the cameras was on. - My bad. I got a mucho hush-hush. - All right. Hear you're going to Budapest. We got us a muy secret-o situation. - Really? - America needs your help. - No problem. - We need a little civilian cover. - You got it, baby. - Owe you one. - All right, I'll talk to you real soon. - I will not forget... President want me to do him a favor. He said something about America needs me. - What kind of favor? - Some kind of top-secret mission. Oh, you mean like 007? Yeah, except only I'm gonna be 009 and a half. Know what I'm saying? 007. You know what 009 and a half means? - I think so. - It's an innuendo. - You're going to Budapest? - Yes, I am. Kind of exciting. - I'm a little nervous. - I'm sure you'll do fine. No, I know I will. That's got a kick to it. This is my first chance to work with Special Agent Rachel Wright. Rachel. You're still hung up on her? Edna, I'm not hung up on her. I find her interesting, and I admire her work. There's a certain allure she has. You know, a blind man could see that. Well, why don't you tell her? I will tell her. It's just, I get nervous, and I end up sounding like an idiot... Want me to tell you how to melt Rachel's heart? - Yeah. - Talk to Carlos. What does that mean? They had a thing? Two-week stakeout. She could barely walk. Rachel and Carlos? You called, Edna? You are a vision, as always. Hello, Alex. Hello, Carlos. How was Cuba? Adequate. Oh, adequate, my eye. He single-handedly averted another Bay of Pigs. - No, I didn't... - Yes. - You exaggerate. - Oh, well, I... - You do exaggerate sometimes. - Okay, at times, yeah. And you, Alex? How did you fare in the tundra? You know, I did pretty good. I got selected for a new mission, so obviously everybody was satisfied. And the pilot? The pilot... Was able to talk to him, get some valuable information from him. Successful mission. Alex, you didn't go and get him killed, now, did you? No, no, no. I mean... You know, sort of. I mean... Yeah, he's dead. He's dead. What are you gonna do? - Let me tell you something, Alex. - Yeah. You're an excellent agent. Don't let results like this fool you. All right? My car. Be back for my things later. See you, Carlos. La vida loca! What a phony. I'd give anything to go on a two-week stakeout with that man. What happened on the stakeout between him and Rachel? - I didn't hear anything. - It's not what I heard, it's what I saw. It's what I saw. I saw the look on her face. Every woman recognizes that look. - What's that look? - Look of total satisfaction. Guy gets a couple missions in Latin America, and he's a Julio lglesias. You know, he's from lowa, by the way. You know, he's from lowa, by the way. - Is this my stuff? - Oh, easy. This is Carlos' stuff. This is yours. Where's my monofilament phone descender? I didn't get one of these exploding pagers. I don't see one of those. You got the micro GPS. Micro? This is your spy-cam. This is Carlos' spy-cam, and this is my spy-cam? Look at the size of this thing! Size matters. But in the spy world, it's reversed. You want people to say, Look how small and sexy and sleek this is. Not, How huge this is! Look what he pulled out of his pants. It's huge! People will laugh at me if I pull this out. Is that his escape module? Yes, it is. I know, everybody wants to be like Carlos. I don't want to be like Carlos, but I notice... ...my stuff looks like you can get it from RadioShack in 1972. Yes, it is. Right away. All right, we'll finish this later. It's a good start, though. Kelly Robinson, seen here making his typical flamboyant entrance... Shouldn't this be on the Weather Channel or something? ...with a first-round knockout of Blake The Blade Lirette. Yeah! 57 and 0, baby! Kelly Robinson, baby! That guy is so annoying. Everybody Hungary for his showdown... ...with the European heavyweight king, Cedric Mills. You don't understand how important it is... ...that I be 58 and 0. I'm 57 and 0 right now. This man gonna be 58! - That guy is a born jerk. - Cheese. Cheese. That's right, take my picture. Cheese. Cheese. Get my right side. Cheese. Alex! Gen. Tucker, this is Special Agent Alex Scott. - General. - Special agent. I love hearing that. I was a regular agent a couple weeks ago... ...and then around Christmas, I got promoted to special. Special. We were going over the op. We call it the Switchblade. It was the first electrochromatic invisible stealth aircraft. But in the hands of the evildoers... ...it's an untraceable delivery system for weapons of mass destruction. New owner: Arnold Gundars. The boys over at CIA have access to his overseas accounts. The past five days, there's been a depletion of funds... ...without reimbursements. The bastard's bought the damn plane. He just hasn't sold it yet. I'll get it back, general. Give me a minute. Hot. Are you sure we can't use Carlos? No, they all know him. Without plastic surgery, he wouldn't last five minutes on this case. That's a shame. That Carlos is amazing. This guy... You sure about this, Mac? He'll get the job done. Shouldn't Rachel be here? She's already in Budapest setting up. You've worked with her before, right? I have but not in a stakeout situation. This mission doesn't call for a stakeout. It wouldn't hurt to keep our options open. The European middleweight championship... ...is being held in Budapest in two days. Gundars is a boxing fanatic. He's throwing a party the night before. Okay. Classic stakeout scenario, right? No, Alex. No stakeout. This is more about hacking and tracking. Now, take a look at this guest list. You got to be kidding. This is like a who's who of international bad guys. Obviously, Gundars is using this party as cover to auction the plane. Your mission is to get into his palace... ...find out where the plane is and stop him from selling it. With these heavy hitters in one place, security's gonna be insane. Exactly. The way we see it, there's only one shot to get you in there. Stakeout? No. We've arranged cover. You'll be working with a civilian to secure entry. A civilian? 57 and 0. Gonna be 58 and 0. You know how Kelly Robinson do. Listen to me now. I don't care what Gen. Patton says. We don't need to do it this way. I think if... I kicked ass all around the world. For crying out loud. Can we turn this off or change the channel? He gives me a headache... Watch what come out of your mouth, blond surfer boy. He never shuts up. He's lighting into some reporter. No, I'm talking to you. Watch what come out of your mouth. You digging your grave with your tongue. You'll get your ass whipped. Video conference. Alex Scott, meet Kelly Robinson. That's gotta be him. Yeah, girl, you crazy. Come on out here and give me some sugar, girl. I had too much fun last night. And you too. Let's bounce. I got y'all's numbers. I'll call you y'all soon. I'll talk to you all soon. Bye-bye. No Kelly, no stretchie. Back of the bus. Move the camouflage booty to the back of the bus. Come on. Hey, I'm Alex Scott. We met yesterday, sort of. Yeah, I remember. The pleasure's all mine. Is that your plane? Step away! No autographs! It's all right. He's my new assistant. Kelly, I thought I was your assistant. T.J., what'd I tell you? The secret mission? Secret mission. Secret mission. - Yeah, yeah, the Mission Man. - Right. Right. It's not a good idea to tell them who I am. We should keep that down. I ain't no fool. I ain't tell them who you was. I said I had to take care of the president's retarded nephew. - What? - Yeah, they think you're a retard. All you do is get some drool, a helmet and zip your jacket up. You get that mentally challenged look. Hold on just a second. That's good. - Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah, go ahead. What's up? Excuse us. Uncomfortable. Too many others standing around. We're getting off on the wrong foot. You think you're the Harlem Globetrotters... ...and I'm the team that looks like an idiot. - Yeah, that's it. - But that's not how it's gonna work. We're on the same team. I'm Meadowlark Lemon. You're Curly Neal. You feed me the ball. Remember Curly, he... He do the dribbling. You Meadowlark? I'm pulling down the ref's shorts, throwing pie in the face. - The bucket of confetti. - They think it's water. - And the rubber band on the ball. - Right, doing the... Meadowlark, you get me some of this chicken... ...some sodas, jelly beans and get these bags and get on the plane. Meadowlark. You heard what he said to me? He told me that in this situation, he would be Meadowlark and I'm Curly. What kind of bullshit is that? Curly, my ass. I'm Meadowlark. - I'm not Kelly Robinson. - No, you ain't. - He don't make his own phone calls. - He don't call his mama! Come on. I'm just trying to confirm the man's reservation. - All we need is a room. - That's all. - Don't make me get on that phone. - What the hell is: It means, I speak English, just not to you, sucker. Guys, I speak Hungarian. Need some help? - Okay. - Yeah, knock yourself out. The other gonna speak Hungarian now. - Szia. - Hello? Igen, igen. You guys want the junior suite or the high-roller suite? We go with the high-roller. The cheapest room you've got. In the basement. - It's all taken care of. - Did you get an extra kusenum? I'm gonna get these bags onboard. - Don't wanna get yelled at again. - Yeah, yeah. Hustle. Hustle on. You better watch your job. Rain Man got skills. Kelly just took the stick. - I thought he was doing an interview. - What? He was napping. What? Now he's flying the plane? Come on, Kelly! There's a lot of stuff for us to go over... Did you see me turn on the seat-belt light? No, I didn't see that. Sit your ass down! When you get up, sit down. Funny. He's a funny guy. I gotta remember that one. When you did the stick up, I went flying there! That's a good trick. I'm glad you got that out of your system. I'm gonna need you at the party at 8. Know something? We got to change the schedule. Kelly Robinson don't go to parties at 8:00. I ain't about to start. Are you gonna refer to yourself in the third person? That can get irritating. It won't get irritating until 11:00... ...because that's when I'm showing up for your little party. Okay. Excuse me, gents. I can't risk that. The party could clear out by 11:00. Ain't no party that Kelly Robinson at gonna end at 11:00. - That attitude can destroy a mission. - Know what destroys a mission? A lame-ass party that end at 11:00. Let that shit go, man. - Drop the shit. - Okay. - I'll get T.J. or Jerry to get me in. - Yeah, go get T.J. He'll help you. I just hope that the optical diaphanous polyalloy transducers... ...can fit on one of their retinas. What you say? What you got over there? It's one of the things we've got for the mission. It's cool. It opens up. I put this little camera in my eye... ...and I give this to T.J. Then he can see everything I see. Wait. I don't want T.J. 's eye juices on something that goes in my eye. Maybe I should try it. What you call it? - Polyalloy transducers. - The polyalloy should be for me. Let me put it in my eye, then. - I put this in my eye? - Put it in your eye. - This is some spy shit? - Yeah. Okay, I'll put this in. And I got the camera in my eye. What's gonna happen now? Can you see anything? What about now? - Hey, I see me! - Look, watch this. That's bad. Shit, now I see the TV. I'm seeing what you seeing. - Exactly. - I see me looking at you looking at me! Hey, Kelly Robinson. Look at this. Put this behind your ear. It's a listening device. - Just stick it back here? - Can you hear me? Yeah, it sound like you in my head. Shit, I like this! We'll do that on the mission. - At 11:00, though. - No, not 11:00. I already spoke. Kelly Robinson has spoke. I said 11, it's 11. It's a dead issue. Let it go. I said 11, goddamn it! Get out my face! - That shit is bad. - Then give them back. I ain't giving back shit. Take them. That look like I'm yelling at me. Take them! I'm Kelly Robinson, baby, 57 and 0! I'll kick your ass! This is what it look like when I'm whupping somebody's ass. That's scary. Kelly. Oh, yeah, that's scary. Look at that move. Kelly Robinson. Why you staring at me? Do something. - Okay, Kelly. - I heard that in my head. You looking in the cockpit right now. That's a trip. - What's our altitude? - About 37,000 feet. - Is that a Cessna on the horizon? - Where? Surfer boy! - You seeing this? - What are you doing? - Come fly the plane. - Wake him back up! - He fell asleep. - You put that dart in his back! - I thought you knew how to fly it. - Wake him up. I don't know how to fly it! He put it on automatic for me! The deal is, we go at 8, and I wake the pilot up. Okay, then let the plane crash. Let it crash. You know that ride I just took? Get ready for a great ride. I'm ready to die, baby. I'm Kelly Robinson. Death? That's how I feel about death. Go on. Crash it. This is getting crazy. Wake the man up. - Do we have a deal? - Yes. Just wake the man up! - Hey, Ken. He ain't woke. - He'll wake up. He'll be fine. - So you a pilot this whole time? - I can fly a little. Okay, I see how this is gonna work. I ain't coming to no party at 8:00. I told you 11:00. Here's your eye. - Hey, be careful with that. - Hey, my ass. If you oke something in my plane, if something in my plane is oke... You in trouble, T.J. Oh, God. It wasn't my fault, man. It was Mission Man. I'm going downstairs! No, we in the basement. I'm going upstairs. You got five minutes to get me the most expensive suite... ...or else, T.J.! Or else! - Or else what? I don't know what else, because I don't think good underground. But whatever it is, it's gonna be bad! Let me tell you something. You falling off. You're gonna be back in St. Louis, frying fish. Now, you mess up one more time again. I'm waiting. Please do it one more. Just please. One more time. One more time. Please let him do it one more time. Oh, my God. Hey! How's the room? My room is fine. Oh, did I say 11? I meant to say 12. Maybe. - What's with the attitude? - Excuse me! - Kelly Robinson? The famous boxer? - Yeah, one and the same, baby. - I can't believe it! - It's a big thrill for you, huh? You don't know. I know you from the advertisement for your perfume. - Kelly Robinson. TKO. - TKO. That's right. It's not perfume. It's cologne. Perfume is for ladies and sissies. I put out cologne. I so stupid. So, Kelly, tell me... ...do you really wear it? Well, you tell me. I'd love to go to your room and get your autograph. Is that right? I'd really love to, but unfortunately, my room ain't ready. Let's go to mine. Is very... ...very close. - Hey, hey. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Excuse me. - No. Come here for a second. - Excuse me. - What's wrong with you? - What are you doing? Nothing. But if you let go of my arm... ...l'm gonna go across and wax that ass. You are a spy right now. I can't have you running off... ...with a strange Hungarian woman. I'm Kelly Robinson. Going off with a strange woman is what I do. Mind your own business. Have a good evening, all right? - I'm just jealous. - I know, but she chose Kelly. I'll hit it once for you, all right? - See if she's got a sister. - Lf so, it'll be the three of us. Why don't you go see the city? What you say your name was? - Are you going to scream it? - I will scream your name if I know it. I had a couple of interesting situations where... - What happened? - The girl tried to press charges... Hey, slow it down! I got a lady over here. Hey, that's some serious road rage. What's up, man? What's all this? How long have you been working for the U.S. government? - I work for Kelly Robinson. - There was BNS agent on your jet. - I don't know. - Who was he? - You've been reading spy novels. - Maybe we should cut off his penis. Cut off my penis? What happened to rough the man up? - Cut it off! - Wait a second! You ain't cutting off nobody's penis! I'll answer all your questions, but... - Who's the agent? - I'm not sure if he's an agent. - Who's the agent? - I don't know if he's an agent or not! - He's 5 foot 9. Blond hair... - His name? I'm not sure, but he's very annoying. He's definitely a BNS agent. His name? Y'all got these knives and guns pointing at me, so I'm blocking! He got one of them white names. Alan or... - Take off his pants. - Why you gonna take my pants off? Please don't cut off Kelly Robinson's penis. Freeze! Kelly! Kelly, shoot her! Shoot her! Did I kill her? Not yet. - Stop shooting that. - What the hell's going...? I'm sorry, I'm being rude. Special Agent Rachel Wright. - Nice to officially meet you. - You're a spy! Don't tell anyone. - You're all BNS? - It's all BNS. - Big fan, Mr. Robinson! - Crazy way of showing it. - God, Alex, you been working out? - Yeah, a little. Why? - You just got buff. - Just doing curls. Two, three drops of me come out of this. Alex wanted to test you before we put you in the game. - So this whole thing was a big test? - Unbelievable. That was great. - Really? - Really. Oh, cool. - Guys, excuse us for a second. - Yeah. - Hey, good job. - Nice work, nice work. Good. I have seen hundreds of agents... ...put through that exercise, and I've never seen it handled so well. - Never. - Never. Yeah. Well, Kelly Robinson. It was like your instincts were perfect. Give them unimportant information. Like he's blond, 5'9. How many guys fit that description? That doesn't mean anything. You'd never name names. You know what you are? You're a why not guy, not a why guy. - What's the difference? - A why guy's like: Why are we gonna do this? They're afraid to make a decision. Afraid they might get in trouble. As opposed to a why not guy. - He's like, Roll the dice. - That's me. Kelly Robinson. The why not guys are like eagles. They don't flock. The few, the proud, the why not. The president wouldn't have called me if I wasn't a why not guy. Let me see everything. Now, Kelly, we gotta get you up to speed. You're about to hear a national secret. This is Arnold Gundars, premier arms dealer. He has this plane... ...the Switchblade. It's a sophisticated prototype stolen from the U.S. government. This is the next generation of stealth technology. Undetectable to radar, infrared, even the human eye. - Our mission is to get it back. - To make a long story short... ...we can't find it, because we can't see it. Here it is with the electrochromatic cloaking device engaged. Like one of those bugs that look like a leaf. - One of the who? - There's this bug that... ...stays safe because it looks like a leaf. But it's not really a leaf. It can make itself look like one. A leafy bug. It's a good name for it. You should call that the Leafy Bug. - That's a good idea. - I'll pass that on. The Leafy Bug. We gotta go. We'll be late for the mission. It's almost 8:00. You owe me one belt. Yamaguchi. Hey, you got a cell phone? - Tuxedo. - I'm gonna set that all up. Hey, Alex, I'm sorry I kneed you and roughed you up in there. You okay? My gosh, don't be ridiculous. I thought that was great. When you kneed me, I loved that. - You did? You loved that? - I just felt it helped sell it. Made it convincing. Wait to turn this on. The satellite's only good for the next 72 hours. Let's hope that's more than we need. All right, set us up. You know the drill. - Hey, what's in that bag? - Spy stuff. Rule number one: Always have a sure way out. - Hey, Rachel. - What's up? It's weird. It feels like a stakeout, doesn't it? No. Not really. And we are live. Hey, what's that for? This is how I'm gonna eak this case wide open with your help. It's a replica of the pen Gundars carries. There's an IHB tracking device built in. Technology. If Alex can plant it on him, we can follow his movements. Okay. Let's do this, then. Nice shifting, Rachel. These stick shifts can be a little tricky. You make it look easy. Thank you. Please tell me you didn't say, nice shifting. - Don't worry about it. - You really like that girl, huh? - Rachel? No. - Yes, you do. - Mr. Robinson! - Hey. - Welcome! - Hey. - I am very big fan. - How you doing? You a fan too? It's going around, baby. How you doing? Kelly Robinson, 57 and 0. - You got that? - No, no, no, I'm with him. Kelly! Tell these guys I'm with you. I'm with the boxer. I've never seen that man before. Shoot him in his ass. - Hey, no, he's... - I'm just playing. It's a joke. Don't shoot the guy. He's with me. Sorry about that, guys. That's a bad start. That's revenge for the hotel. Now we're even. Okay, you did your job. Now let me do mine. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Kelly Robinson, y'all, in the flesh. Y'all looking at the fastest man in the world! Y'all can do better than that! Y'all ready for the Slugfest in Budapest? That's good. Yeah! How y'all doing? Hello, Mr. Robinson. This is great honor to meet you. Hey, look, it's an honor for me to let you meet me. How about that, huh? All right, good meeting you. Take it easy. I like him. I like the way he talks. - You just met Marwan Motaheeshi. - Who's that? He controls death squads. They kill thousands of people every year. Man. - All right, here he comes. - Okay, that's Gundars? - That's a bad-ass jacket he got on. - Turn around. - Yeah, okay. - Disappear. Get away. - I won't disappear. I'll do the pen. - Give me the pen. Give... - Back up before... - Mr. Robinson. Good to meet you. Mr. Gundars, the pleasure's mine. Thank you. Your fight here promises to be the most exciting event... ...that Budapest has seen in some time. Since you such a nice guy... ...I ain't gonna eak your boy up too bad. - Thank you - Yeah. Yeah. - Mr. Robinson, your champagne. - Thank you. I'm sorry to interrupt you. One of the ladies wants an autograph. No problem at all, but you have a pen I could use? I don't. Didn't I tell you at all times to keep a pen? - I apologize. - My assistant's penless. - It won't happen again. - I said to have a pen... Mr. Gundars. Mr. Gundars is always prepared. Thank you. Hold this champagne. You have to be prepared. I'm disappointed, I want you to know. Take that. Here you go. Clown ass. It's hard to get somebody that'll do their job the right way. I'm sorry about that. Force of habit. Here's your pen, Mr. Gundars. - Well, enjoy the party. - Yeah. Nice to see you. I have some business. Take care of your business. Take care of your business. Hey, you a real player. Gundars. I had it under control until you showed up. I know you did. Okay, he's taking off. I need you to create a distraction. Create a distraction? What do you mean? Do what? Make a scene or do something. That should come easy for you. Make a scene? Yeah! Baddest man on the planet! Cedric Mills, where you at? Come on, everybody. Cedric, where you at? Let's get a show going here. Where's Cedric Mills? Everybody gather around. Hey, come on. Break that up. Come on, y'all look great, but get out the ring. It's about me and Cedric. Cedric Mills, where you at? Hey, Cedric! You in the house? I know I seen you! There you go, Cedric. What you doing down there? Having a steroid cocktail? I do not take the steroids. You need something if you get in the ring with me. Let's give the people a preview. Don't be scared. I ain't gonna hurt you. Cedric Mills, everybody! In the flesh! That's a ave man there. That's like swimming with Jaws. Well. Are you ready? I want to see the plane first. Only the highest bidder will have that privilege. Is it really invisible? How long have you been in Budapest? - Three days. - Three days. Well, you've probably driven past it at least half a dozen times. Now, if you'd enter your bid into the computer. I usually make the predictions, but let's do a little flip. Let's let Cedric make the predictions. What round will I knock you out in? Hey, you stop jokes now. - Or what? - I will! You gonna stop...? Isn't he a doll? I will stop them! I like that. Give them a preview. Open-handed. Let's see how fast you are. Y'all like to see that, wouldn't you? Open-handed scrap? Put your hands up. What you got? That's what you coming with? You're gonna get your ass whipped. I'll hit your jaw. Right jaw with left hand. Put your guard up, now. I'm pretty fast, now. You ready? Here it come. I told you I would slap you. Why didn't you block the punch? What's wrong with you, coming all hard like that? You're supposed to give them a taste. You wanna hit me hard. What if I kick your ass in front of everybody? There you go! A preview. Robinson vs. Mills. The transatlantic championship... ...tomorrow night, here in Budapest. - Done. - Excellent. Well, the best of luck. Thank you. Would you care for champagne? We have an excellent fountain. Yes. An undetectable nuclear delivery system... ...could transform your tiny country into a superpower. What you doing, hanging from the ceiling like that? What are you doing? You're supposed to be outside. - I figured you'd need help. - Don't walk in here. Don't tell me what to do. I'm Kelly Robinson. 57 and 0. Don't talk to me like that. What's wrong? You tripped the alarm. Yeah, you tripped it. I didn't trip no alarm. I don't hear it. See this? - Oh, shit. - Yeah, oh, shit. Come here. We'll get caught because you didn't tell me about the alarm. - This is your fault. - Put that on. - What is this? - It's a mask. Put it on. - This look like a sock. - It's a mask. It's a special spy mask. Put it on. Look like a sock. Hey, man, this is a sock! What you doing? Putting this on. Let me do this. Quit tickling me. Would you come here? - Just tell me what's going on. - I am losing it. I'm nervous and ticklish at the same time. Not in my wildest imagination did I dream it would be this difficult. Before you enter your bid, Mr. Abi, let me remind you... ...that an undetectable nuclear delivery system... - Why we spinning? - Be still. - Don't eathe. - We can't spin like this. - It's cracking. - I'm getting queasy... ...and I don't like heights. And I'm spinning, and I'm gonna vomit. What kind of cheap-ass equipment they send you on this mission with? - The anchor oke. - You check the anchor first. I wasn't expecting you to be here. Hey, that's cool. The funds will be verified overnight... ...and the highest bidder will be informed tomorrow. I would like you to enjoy our local specialty. Sir? Sir. The silent alarm has just been set off. Please, I need a few moments alone. - What about my bid? - Don't worry. You'll get your chance. Enjoy. Lock the door. Get on the roof. - Just go through the opening. - Don't make me fall. - Go through it. - Lock this wing down. I was born semipsychic, and I had a hunch something would happen. - Then why'd you go into the room? - I ain't Miss Cleo. They are on the dome. It's like you're a double agent. Like you're working against me. Just get them. Now. Oh, man! - I liked this better when it was a test! - We gotta jump! What? - You crazy? I ain't jumping. - Got a better idea? No, but you better come up with something. Okay, new plan. Wait right here. What you gonna do? Don't leave me. - What's that? - What? Oh, God! - Okay, that wasn't that bad. - What'd I say? Are your legs numb? No, come on. Let's do it. What's next? Rule number one: Always have a sure way out. Walk, walk, walk. - Hey! You guys! - Run, run. Now we run. Now we run. - This is your sure way out? - It's the way to the sure way out. - Go through it. - Come on, man! Could you move? Look out. Lose the jacket! Are we still on the way to the sure way, or is this it? This is the sure way out. Okay. Come on. It's slow. I'm nervous. - Don't panic. - Look how slow we moving! Kelly, it's here. We are home free, my friend. There's a guy coming. Kick him. Kick him in the balls! How I'm gonna kick him if he got a gun? - Don't be defeatist! Stay on my side! - Hey, watch out! They're gonna kill Kelly Robinson. Don't be negative. Check outside! Hey, that guy's still coming. I'm gonna get him. I'm gonna get him. - Tell me when. Now? - No! - Now? - Now! - Okay. - Throw it. Lob it over there! - What's this? - Smoke grenade. - They got bullets and we got smoke? - Lob it! It's smoking. - Now what? - Here. Grab this. I knew you had something up your sleeve. - Of course. - I never doubted you. - That's right. - Yeah. All right. Okay. How we gonna get down from here? I don't think we're gonna have to worry about that. Okay, you worried now? I'm a little worried now. We'll ing her gently down on that grassy hill there. We're going down faster than I want. Get ready! Brace yourself! What? Hey, what happened to the soft, grassy hill? We missed it. Let go when I say so. Hey, man, I'm not letting go. You wanna die? We've dodged some bullets... ...and I don't know how many more lives we've got. We gotta let go. Ready? Get set. Let go! I oke my leg. It's oken. That's what your ass gets for this crazy balloon shit. Kelly Robinson hanging from a balloon. - No, it's okay. It's okay. - I wish it was oke. - They're still coming. - Man, these guys won't give up. - Now what? - I wish that balloon worked better. The balloon is over! What are we gonna do? Let me think. Hold on. I got an idea. Move around. Get in the car. You've got an idea? This I want to see. Now you be in the hot seat. I used to be in a different business. - What are you doing? - They keep the keys here. See? - What? You used to transport cars? - Something like that. Here we go. You did it. Show them something there. - Hey! - Okay, I got an idea. - What you gonna do? - You inspired me. We're gonna try a little Carlos. - What are you doing? - Pull forward. - What? - Pull forward. - Did you see that? - Goddamn! - That was a big explosion. - Man! That's why they think Carlos is a better spy than me! - Carlos? - Everyone thinks he's great. - He's got more potent bombs. - His bombs are more potent? That ain't right. Another one! Here they come. This one's mine. Let me show you something they don't teach over at the BNS. Oh, wow. That's pretty good. - You were unbelievable back there. - That was you. You had the thing going down, the Kelly Robinson... I had one little bomb. - Little bomb? - It was like... - You're crazy. - Here they are. - Good driving. - Kelly Robinson, Kelly Robinson. What we got here? Hey, no outlet in here. We stuck, man. Hey, pull over here. Pull right here. Stop, stop, stop. Give me the keys. Look what I got! Keys! Convertible. It's all yours. You take that car. We'll take your scooter. Jump on. Jump on! Kelly Robinson ain't getting on no scooter like no bitch. All right. Okay, let's do it. Come on, man. Get your feet up. Okay. Hold on! - Hold on. Okay, hold on. - I am holding on. Shit! Go, go, go! - It's a nightmare! - Yeah, it's a nightmare. They shooting, and I'm in the back. - Better come up with something. - We'll make a eak for daylight. Tuck your elbows in. What's that smell? Oh, man. Go down the tunnel. - This is the sewer! - We're stuck. Is there an opening? There's bars and shit over here. We can't get out. Just stand back to the side. Oh, shit! You okay? I made $24 million last year, and I'm standing in a river of human sludge. You ask me, am I okay! You made $24 million last year? Yeah, 24.7. - They ain't leaving. - It's late night. - We'll wait them out. - Shit, it stinks down here. Just don't eathe in too deep. Methane. Methane'll make you loopy. I'm gonna get loopy from standing and eathing in this human... You know what this is, right? This is the nastiest place in all of Hungary. You feeling loopy? You look loopy. Yes. It feels kind of dizzy. I got a buzz. Okay. - Where'd you grow up? - Hey, man... ...no offense, but I ain't one of those guys that, you know... ...start pouring his heart out and get personal with another guy... ...so save it for somebody else. My grandmother raised me. My grandmother. No kidding? Yeah, she's the one that put the time in. The day-to-day, you know, feeding, and you know. Sounds like a sweet woman. Sweet! The sweetest thing you ever wanna meet. Angel. My grandmother's the first person ever punched me in the face. None of that hard shit, a jab, just to let me know she was serious. Parents don't take the time anymore. No, that's love, you know. I mean, only... You got to love somebody's baby to punch a baby in the face. Kelly Robinson was a scared little boy. That's all. A scared little boy. Keep going. Keep digging. I mean, I put on a show, but inside, man, lots of time I be crying. You ready for a bomb? Tell me. You and I are basically the same guy. Take away the boxing, take away the money... Take away my money? It's a metaphor. Take away all your women. Take away all the trappings of success. And you and I are the same guy. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, I know. I know. I'm you. - No, I'm you. - Yeah, that's what I mean. We're twins. Oh, I've got a crush on Rachel for years. I just love her power. And sexy and... You saw the way she threw me over. It was just like I was nothing. Just a powerful woman. You know what? I'll tell you what. If you feel that way about a girl... ...then you got to act on it. - Oh, I do. You see how it is when I try to talk to her. - You gotta... - Fumbling over myself... I see, but you need to change that. - Be honest. We're in the sewer. - Hey, I ain't gonna lie to you. What? I don't have the savoir-faire, that devilish charm. - I've seen you, and I don't have that. - I beg to differ. I disagree. No, I'm not gonna sit here and listen to your... Bust it, bust it. You do have savoir-faire. You just have to unleash it. Unleash it. Unleash your savoir-faire. I don't know. You know, if you forget that this is a sewer, it's kind of a beautiful place. Thank God! What happened? I thought you two were dead. - Gundars' men had us pinned. - Did they see you? No. Have you been tracking the pen? It's at the palace. He moved until 1:30... ...and it's been in the bedroom since. He's not onto us. Let us know, Jim, the minute that pen moves. The plane is still in Budapest, but the deal's going down today. Bob, get a helicopter in the air. Scan every rooftop, parking lot, playground in the city. UV, infrared, throw everything you got at it. We're on it. Just zoom in on it. Rachel, you look bad. Tired. You must be exhausted. What a night. I was driving around, looking for you all night. Why don't you go take a nap? We'll give a yell if the pen moves. Sure you guys can handle this? You've been working hard. I'm sure he got this covered. Take a nap. All right, maybe I will for a sec, but call me if anything happens. I'm glad you're okay. All right. Thank you. Oh, yeah. I know what you thinking, and the answer is yes, playboy. - Yes. You going in there. - I'm not going in there. You are going, and you gonna be devilishly charming. - This isn't one of your floozies. - It's a girl. A girl's a girl. She's special. You gotta put her on a pedestal. Well, we don't have a pedestal. All we got is a cot in the back. - I'll do it tomorrow. - No, today... ...right now on the cot in the back. - I don't know. - I do know. - Okay. - Let's do it. I know you in a good mood now. Let's do it. You can be charming as hell. I'll show you how we'll do it. I'm gonna unleash your savoir-faire. Hey, it's me, Alex. Alex? I love the way you say my name. It's the way the L flicks off your tongue... ...when you say the L in Alex. It's like the way the L flicks off your tongue. It's like, Alex, Alex, Alex. Say it one more time for me. Just let me hear you say it. What are you doing? What am I doing? I'm just... I'm getting ready to make love to you so good and long... ...you'll be begging me to stop and keep going at the same time. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm getting ready to... Baby, I'm gonna make sure that you're okay. Now that I see that you are, you're all tucked in, doing fine... ...l'm gonna go back out. Everything's fine here. Don't worry about us. Go back to sleep. Don't... Forget I came in. I'll just... That's not what I said. Hey! Get back in there! No! Your rap's not working. Try tomorrow. We did our best. No shame in that. Kelly Robinson's rap works! Get your ass back there. This is good shit. Give me... Hey, I'm just... I'm sorry to keep barging in like this. I just wanna... Let me just take a... Just collect myself for a second. I have something that I want to say, and if you don't mind... ...I just have a... It's like a story that I feel I need to tell you. That's good. I'm gonna give you my secret weapon. This shit always works. Now listen, now. Look in her eyes. Now sing. Say that. Baby, when I woke up this morning... ...I felt like there was a sea storming inside of me. Inside of me. And baby... ...I think I'm capsizing. I think I'm capsizing, and the waves just keep rising. Rising. Rising and... When I get that feeling... ...I need sexual healing. I just need it. I just need it. Sexual... I know, it sounds crazy. I'm just... I'm probably delirious, but it just makes me feel so fine. And it's good for us. It's sexual. It's healing. Okay? I don't know what else I can say. You're cute. I've always had a little crush on you. - I told you! - Really? You did? - I'm hot. It's hot in here, isn't it? - My gosh. Good Lord. Shit, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Now go over there, and bite her on the ass real hard. - No! - Yes! - No, no, no, no. - No? No, no, no, no. Yes to you. - Yes? - Bite her. Bite her! - No! - No? No, yes. Go back to where you were. - I'm just... I'm... - Bite! Bite! Bite her! They love that shit. Don't eak the skin, but bite it good so that there's a mark on her ass. She'll show all her friends. Look at my mark, what he did. I know what you want. It's okay. You can trust me. - My... - You okay? I think you oke my spine. But in a good way. Hey! Hey, come on, now. Let me at least see the goods. Hey, the pen just moved! Let's go! Let's move! Gotta go! Let's go! - Pen moved. - No. - Are you sure? - Come on. Yes. It looks like he's out of the car and headed for the baths. Wait. Why is he going to the baths? As long as he's not going to a pen store, who cares? Stakeout. Stakeout. Stakeout, guys. This needs a stakeout. - I'll take the back, okay? - Wait a second. Be careful. You too, okay? Please. Come on, man. Come on. You realize I can save the world and make boxing history in one day? You realize I can save the world and make boxing history in one day? - All right. - They'll give me a parade. Ticker-tape parade. Confetti and all that shit. Bigass parade. Glitter. Get my own day. Kelly Day. Kelly Robinson Day parade. Nasty as hell up in here. It smells like ass soup all over the place. - I just lost the signal. - What? Maybe the walls are too thick in here. No, no. Something's wrong. Come on. We can't walk away from this. We got to get that plane! You're fired up. I like your enthusiasm, don't wanna lose it. But sometimes you move forward, sometimes back. We're moving back. Hell, no! Listen to me. I told you I was semipsychic. I got a hunch on this. Seven out of 10 of my hunches are correct. That's a high ratio! We got to go with them numbers. Like, here, in this area... ...l'm vibing this. Right now, I know the plane is in here. Trust me on this. Hey! What you know about the Leafy Bug? What? - Kick your ass if I find it in here. - Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Hell, yeah. Come on, now. You don't feel that? - There's nothing in here. - You must be crazy. I feel something. A lot of old guys hitting each other with sticks. There's something else. I feel it. Something's going on in here. Something's definitely going on. What's your name, boy? He talking all that shit because he knows something. Something's in here. I feel it. You know what? We learned we can't trust your gut. You can trust my gut. I told you... Maybe the plane's over there in the whirlpool. We should check... - Maybe those three out of 10... - Gun! - You said there was a plane! - I said, a vibe! A vibe! Like a fool, I listened! You got a way out of here? I followed you in here. Why would I have a way out? - What are you shooting at? - Trying to hit the pipes. Throw this up there. We'll create a spark. When I say ready. Go! I got it. I got it. It's gonna blow. It's gonna blow! We gotta warn Rachel. There goes Gundars! Rachel! Rachel, no! It's a setup! No! No! Man! Let's go. - That's it? - Yeah, Kelly, that's it. Shit! - You all right? - What do you think? I think you're messed up, and you need to talk. Is that what you think? Rachel's dead! She's dead because I've been listening to you. I'm done. You're upset. Rachel was a good woman. She was a good woman, and she's gone. You're still here, though, semipsychic guy. Wait. You ain't blaming that back there on me. No. Who could blame you? It's not your fault. You're the king of the universe. You want Kelly Robinson Day. - Have the parade. You'll get it. - Slow it down. Back off. I don't like your tone. You fixing to get your ass whipped. Really? Is that one of your hunches? Or some of the normal crap that comes out of your mouth? Remember what I said about how we're the same guy? I'm not you. Thank God, I'm not you! - I would hate to be you. - All right. That's the last straw. I got to whup your ass now. - You wanna fight me? - I'll whip your ass! Let me take off my jacket. This is gonna amuse me. If going to the dentist is amusing, then this is getting ready to be funny. - There's no ref here. - I don't need no referee. From this position, I know 11 ways I can totally immobilize you. End your life right... How much from that position? Huh? That was my left. If it was my right, you'd be drinking meat through a straw. Will you look at surfer boy! Show me some good spy shit. Hey, shit! If that had gone 6 inches higher, you'd be in a coma right now. You okay? You know how to use your feet good. Throw kicks like a little bitch! You got me! Hands up! What's going on here? The black guy! The black guy mugged me! I'd like to file a complaint! Wait! Why am I being arrested? Why am I being arrested? This is bullshit! He kicked me first! He kicked me in my nuts! Why am I getting arrested if I got kicked in my nuts? How come you just arresting the black man? My nuts was kicked! - Yeah? - Alex. Where are you? I've been calling for three hours! I know. We hit a few snags. Snags? I'm sending backup now. What's your location? - It's all fine. - It's all fine? I'm headed to the castle tonight. I'll try to track Gundars to the plane. You don't know where it is yet? I knew you'd screw this up. Look... I gotta go, Mac. I gotta go. Dude never been this late. The other can't tell time no more. That's the problem. - Kelly! Where you been? - Better yet, who you been with? If you hang with us, this shit wouldn't happen. He ain't our problem no more. Let's go down here and get 58. Piece of shit microtracker. You're a very lucky man, Mr. Zhu Tam. I feel like I just won the lottery. It's funny, isn't it? You winning makes me rich. My government's point of view is that no price is too high. Clearly. So how's your golf game? I haven't had much time since I've been here. In the 15th hole. Eagle. - First time ever. - Really? Yeah! This is it, baby! Driver, take the car off the idge, away from the traffic. I don't see it. That's the whole point, isn't it? That you can't see it. - That's what you're buying, isn't it? - That's true. Thank you. Wait a second. Come on. Is that...? Please. Finally! Well. Now you'll believe me when I tell you... ...that you've driven past it half a dozen times. It is the most incredible thing I have ever seen. Shall we conclude our business? Gentlemen, to the center of the ring. I explained the instructions in the dressing room. You're both professional fighters. I expect you to conduct yourself professionally. - Shake hands. - You ready to do this? Let's do it. It looks like my computer is a billion dollars healthier. Which makes you the proud owner... ...of the most advanced piece of weaponry on the planet. Watch this. The ignition code. Round one for the super middleweight... ...championship of the world! - Cedric, come on. Do you want the swelling on the left or right? Mills goes right to work. Left hand up! Left hand up! He's spun around by... What are you doing? I'm working. That looks like an old-fashioned thermonuclear warhead. - It's a bit primitive, isn't it? - They won't think so in Washington. Tell your men to drop their guns. - Tell them! - Do as he says. Get your hands up! You too, Mr. Zhu Tam. Do it! You didn't think you could fool BNS, did you? - Rachel? - I guess we did. - You're alive? - Don't tell anyone. Robinson having his way. Combination to the head. And a left hook jars the challenger. Here comes Robinson, and here comes Mills. Body shots by the challenger, Mills. Holding on to him. Tying the champion up. That was pretty convincing. The whole I'm dead thing. You pick up a few tricks over the years. - You certainly do. - You really should have caught it. Yeah, I should have. I guess I was a little distracted by the sound of my heart eaking. Code invalid. That's not good. Is that good? - What the hell did you do? - I entered the ignition code. Self-destruct sequence activated. It has a self-destruct mechanism if the wrong code is entered. No, that is the correct code. I saw Lt. Percy fire the engine myself. Just get it handled, Agent Wright. That's what you're paid to do. He ain't done nothing to earn your respect! It's number 58 going down right now. You hear? - How you feeling? - 58. - You good? - Good, yeah. Damn! She may wanna aid that. And this world championship fight rages on. The code times out? What, like a safety precaution? In case the plane were stolen? You're flying the plane home. I assume you know the correct code. Assumptions have a way of coming back and kicking you in your ass. Robinson measuring Mills up. A wicked left hook by Robinson. - How much is he paying you? - I don't have time for this. If I'd known you were for sale, I would have bid! I know that hurt. You got a hard-ass head. Damn! The code, Alex. Come on, Cedric. Robinson dancing around. What's going on here? It looks like he's fighting an invisible opponent. And down goes Robinson! Unbelievable! Rachel, you're not getting this plane off the idge. Five. Six... Kelly Robinson is down for the first time in his career! - Can you continue? - I'm okay. - Let's go. - All right. Let's go. Fight! Now it's gonna get messy. It's time to go down. And Mills is down! - Now we're talking! - Five. - Come on, come on! - Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. - He's not gonna make it. - Ten! You're out! It's over! Kelly Robinson is still... ...the super middleweight champion of the world! Robinson foregoing his usual flamboyant victory lap. He bolts the ring. I'm impressed, Alex. You're tougher than I thought. There's one thing that will always make a man talk. Cutting my belt? - Take off his pants. - Take off my pants? Hold it. Wait a second. Easy. Easy. Come on, take it easy. - What are you doing here? - You turned on the eye thing... ...so I had to come save your ass! - I did? That's a huge gesture! That must mean you really love me. Don't get this twisted. I did this to secure my parade! - No getting around it. You love me. - This is for the parade! - It's love! - Parade! - It's love! - Parade! - Love! - Kelly Robinson Day parade! Move! I'm starting to regret this shit! Move! Move! Cover me! Go! Hold your fire! Hold your fire! Who the hell is this guy? It's Carlos. I guess Mac sent him in as backup for us. He's like a superspy. He's a spy, the same as me. Not a superspy. He got a fly-ass ninja outfit and parachute. We hanging from balloons and shit. Gundars! Tell your men to put down their weapons. It seems to be quite a trend tonight. Down! Alex, the code before we all blow up. That's what I'm doing. I was on my way to do it. - Doing fine before you got here. - Mr. Zhu Tam, I believe. Carlos, careful. Rachel's a double agent! Yes, I know, Alex. Yours too, Rachel. Apparently, you've been a bad girl. Now hold up. Wait a second. Hey, Alex... ...this James Bond is with Rachel. - Not now. I got a hunch. This guy is bad. I can feel it right now. I said, not now. Let me figure this out! How did big shot know she was bad? I got 45 seconds to figure out this logarithmic code... ...or we'll all die because we'll blow up. Why don't you stick to your perfume ads and leave the espionage to me? No, don't say that to him. Hey, Zorro, it's not perfume. It's cologne. No, Kelly! No! Come on, come on. Here we go. - Code invalid. - Come on. Eighteen, seventeen... ...sixteen... Thirteen... ...twelve... ...eleven... Nine, eight, seven. Sequence aborted. I got it. I got it. No, I don't. No, I don't. No, I don't. Don't do it! Put that shit down. Put the gun down right now. Putting it down. Okay? But I'm on your side. I'm with BNS. What do BNS stand for? Bitch that Need Slapping? I tried to make sure Carlos doesn't get to this computer. Think I believe that? What's wrong with you? - Hear her trying to flip the script? - She's saying she's good? I gotta hear this. This should be rich. We've suspected Carlos was dirty for months. Mac and me teamed up with him so we could nail him. - Why didn't they tell me? - You know how this works. It's all on a need-to-know basis. You know that. Mac didn't want you protecting me at the wrong time. That's all Carlos would have needed. He's jealous of us. - He is? - Lf he knew how we felt... Go easy now. Don't be creeping up and shit. She got long legs. Bitch is sneaky. She'll kick you. He's always known I wanted to work with you. - You wanted to work with me? - Yeah. What, like on a stakeout? Don't you know how I feel about you? - That's bullshit. - My head's spinning. I don't know... - Can't deny it. I feel the same... - You dizzy from massive blood loss... ...because the bitch stabbed you 15 minutes ago! I could have crippled him for life if I wanted to. - You've got full mobility in your leg? - It doesn't feel that bad. Son of a gun. I had no idea. Carlos was jealous of us? Enough. I can't listen to this shit. What's wrong with you? You booty-blinded right now. It's like being snow-blinded with no snow, just a cute piece of ass. No. She's telling the truth. You don't understand the spy world. There are agents. There are double agents, and there are pseudo-double agents. It's actually pretty standard stuff. Y'all stabbing each other is standard? Yeah. It's pretty standard. Look out! I'm watching your ass. Alex, you idiot! I'm on your side! I've had enough of this! There's Vitalis and shit all over... He was coming like a buzz saw. If you didn't grab him, he was gonna kill me. It was like looking in the eyes of the devil. Where's Rachel? Yeah, where is Rachel, huh? She gone. Didn't I tell you that bitch was bad? Why didn't you keep an eye on her? - You said she was good! - You can't listen to what I say. I'm bleeding from a knife wound. I'm delusional! You said yourself I'm booty-blind. I'm blinded by ass. You blinded now, but a minute ago... You two fools just let Rachel escape with Gundars' computer? That has all the passwords to his numbered accounts. It's worth billions of dollars! Mac knew you would screw this up. That's why he sent me... Worth billions of dollars. You hear this guy? He's still a bad guy, right? Yeah, he... Well, I don't know. Everybody keeps flip-flopping around. I can't keep it straight. It's murky. - You said it was standard... - I know what I said! It's murky when there ain't no girl involved, huh? I see how it go. I'll tell you one thing. Good or bad, I'm tying this guy up. We tie everybody up. That's the new rule. Why don't you stop stressing? There's the Leafy Bug, baby. That's what we set out to do, and we got it! We got the plane. We heroes. - You're right. Let's go home. - Look at that. - You wanna see something cool? - What? Man, that is some superfly, superspy shit! Let me see. What you pressing? - Just press that button. - Okay. - Invisible. - Invisible. Gotta get that on my cars. You know how clean my garage is gonna look? Visible. Invisible. Visible... - Don't wear out the battery. - Let me have some fun. - It loses its specialness. Give it back. - Come on, why you acting...? Why you gotta be tripping? Why can't I play with it? - You oke it. - I oke the shit? How I eak it? Like a child, you knock it out of my hand. I oke it? You happy now? How will I explain this? I show up with the plane and a oken remote. You think they're worried about the remote? There's dead bodies all over the roof. You think they'll care about that? - Come on, man! - You're right. Let's go. - We're heroes. - I'm gonna get my parade, huh? - Maybe so. - I'll definitely get a parade behind this. All right. Settle back, and I'm gonna fire this baby up. And that is why they call it the Switchblade. All right. Ready for the ride of your life? Yeah, let's do this. Watch this. Punch it! Got a little wrinkle. Not to worry. Kelly Robinson ain't supposed to go out like this! I'm supposed to die in the ring! Kelly, you okay? Come here. You okay? Hell, no! I ain't okay. You just crashed my parade down into the river. We had nozzle failure. Then the thrust manifold went all haywire. You didn't check it, did you? Huh? This is perfect! My first mission, I do everything right. Now thanks to you, I ain't a hero! - What is that? - This is my flotation device. - That's a bomb! - What? That's a thermonuclear bomb. Why you gotta throw them around here, then? No, it's okay. It's not armed. Can you imagine if this had gone off? This would have killed millions! - And they didn't arm it? - They didn't get a chance to. You know why they didn't get a chance to? Because we stopped them! We stopped them. Know what that means? - I think so. - We heroes again! - Damn, you're right. - Bet your pink ass I'm right! We're heroes again! Even without the plane. - We're heroes! - This is the proof right here! - This bomb. - I can't wait to call the president. We gonna get the Congressional Medal of Honor and a parade! This will be fantastic. Has my bank transfer come through? Not yet, Ms. Tessio. Where you going? You forgot your drink. Alex, how are you? - God! - Came prepared this time. Smart. Where you going? Back up. You thought you was gonna get away? Thought you was gonna make a fool out of Kelly Robinson? When I have my parade, I'll tie your ass to the front of a float. Alex? How about a stakeout in Greece for two weeks? - Stakeout? - Yeah. Two weeks? Hey! The answer is still no. I know. I was just imagining for a second. There's no harm in... You taking a long time. Tell her no. You getting lost in this. No! - No. - In fact, say, Hell, no! - Hell, no. - Hell, no, bitch! Sorry. The spell wore off. Well, boys, I'm glad you guys got all the news coverage. - What's that mean? - Always got to have the last word. She always gotta say some shit, huh? What she talking about, news coverage? Ain't been no news... Is that Carlos? - Superspy hero thwarts... - Carlos was good. - We the ones that saved the day! - Is this a parade? Yes! Look at the spectacle and the glitter and shit! That's my parade! He stole my parade! - I don't know what to say. - I know what to say. Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! We gotta go to Washington and get de iefed. - I ain't going! - I don't blame you. It's just, I was looking forward to testing out the hover gel with you. - The whatsit gel? - Hover. It's a gelatinous hydrogen diphyoxide. It's 12 times lighter than air. You smear it all over your body... ...and if you're in an oxygen-rich environment... ...it allows you to float down to earth like a bird. Like a jelly bird? Yeah. That's the street name for it. Jelly Bird. Exactly. They have a couple on the transport plane. Plan was, they drop us off over D.C., and we float down like birds. There's press and photographers. It's gonna be a whole spectacle, but... What we waiting on? Let's do this. - You'll do it? - Hell, yeah, I'll do it! Float like a jelly bird? Let's go right now. I used to always dream I'd be able to fly. - You serious? - My grandma said I was a fool. That's what made her punch me the first time! - See, I told her and... - Hold on. Get some jelly on the plane and two parachutes. SubRip by TraceR

(Beverly) Sure I have. - Well, I've discovered why sex is. - You have? Fantastic! It's because humans don't live underwater. I don't get it. Fish don't need sex, because they just lay the eggs and fertilise them in the water. Humans can't do that because they don't live in water. They have to... internalise the water. Therefore we have sex. So you mean humans wouldn't have sex if they lived in the water? They'd have a kind of sex. The kind where you wouldn't have to touch each other. I like that idea. Have you heard of scuba diving? It's just new. Self-contained underwater eathing apparatus. Exactly. - Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Yeah. You ask her. Raffaella, will you have sex with us in our bathtub? It's an experiment. Are you kidding? Fuck off, you freaks! I'm telling my father you talk dirty. Besides, I know for a fact you don't even know what fuck is! They're so different from us,... ..and all because we don't live underwater. The morculum is working superbly. - Shall I insert the manticulator? - Please. What's the diagnosis? Intra-ovular surgery. Where did you get that instrument? - We had it made for us. - Really? Might be fine for a cadaver. It won't work with a living patient. (drops instrument) To our fabulous twins,... ..who have, as mere undergraduates,... ..already ought us glory. (all) Hear, hear! And here it is,... ..in solid gold... Er, well, solid gold plate, that is! (laughter) The Mantle retractor, which is now the standard of the industry. Here's to a illiant future! (cheering) Here it is. That's wonderful! Yeah. They got the pivot pin in backwards. Bev, you should've been there. I was. Well? Are all the necessary parts there, Doc? Yes, they are. And there are a couple of extra ones that shouldn't be. Not funny. Er, no... I wasn't joking. Would you excuse me a minute? I'll be right back. Elly, I want you to look at this woman before you go. I'm late, Bev. If I fuck up with the chairman's wife, we lose our grant. She's a trifurcate. I've never seen anything like it. Down in a minute. It's Dr Mantle. Keep the car waiting. Thanks. Is this Claire Niveau? Yeah. - What, the Claire Niveau? - Yeah. Ooh! What's she doing here? A mini-series. She's got three agents and a bodyguard in the waiting room. - And her life is empty without children. - How did you know? Bev, everyone knows that! Don't you ever read the National Enquirer? Star's life empty without children. I hope it also explained how we can make her fertile, because I don't think I can. Then we'll have to see what I can do. Elly, what about dinner with the chairman's wife? I guess la bella contessa will have to wait. Right, let's take another look. Yes... That's fantastic. I've never had anybody say that about the inside of my body before. Surely you've heard of inner beauty? I've often thought there should be beauty contests for the insides of bodies. You know, best spleen... Most perfectly developed kidneys... Why don't we have standards of beauty... ..for the entire human body,... ..inside and out? I have a feeling you do. So I'll tell 'em to fuck off. Pardon my French. Don't tell them to fuck off. I need the work. This mini-series is paying peanuts. You don't need to be humiliated. I've decided. I want to be humiliated. Tell me about my uterus. (coughs) Well, it has three doorways. Three cervixes leading into three separate compartments... ..in your uterus. That is fabulously rare. Do you have trouble with your periods? Listen... um... I'm gonna be late for the Axelrod meeting. You'll be OK? Goodbye, Leo. Remember, I need the humiliation as well as the money. I almost never have periods. Once or twice a year. Not very enthusiastic ones. Could I have triplets, do you think? One in each compartment? No. It doesn't work like that. Really? How does it work? How did it go with la bella contessa? Did we get our grant? You were great. Seductive and charming as usual. And I think you've got your grant. Hey,... ..wait a minute. What's this I hear? It's for us, not just for me. - It's for Mantle lnc. - Yes, yes. - I know. - Did she catch on? Ah, Contessa, you're looking so... ..l don't know, so Catherine Deneuve tonight! And how is Marcello? Due cappuccini, per favore, and quickly. The Countess... ..is a tigress until she's got her caffeine in the morning! Hey,... ..come on,... ..l'm not that bad. You're a little bit smoother in real life. And the movie star,... ..how is she? She's expecting me for lunch tomorrow. So you're going to find out for yourself. - Oh, no! - Oh, yes. It's all set up. The production's rented her this little apartment... ..in Rosedale! She'll just be getting out of bed,... ..all cosy and warm. Look, Elly... the clinic's booked to the hilt. We've got to pay the rent, you know. - I'll take your patients. - Oh, yes(!) I want you to go. Bev, you've got to try the movie star. She's unbelievable. Don't worry, you'll be all right. Just do me. (doorbell buzzes) (door buzzes open) What did you do to me last night? (distant footsteps) I'm still vi ating all over. I learnt it from books. Mmm, I wish more men would read those books! Drink? No... thanks. Well, Doc,... ..what's the prognosis? Can I have a baby... or can't l? You're asking me that now? l-l mean, here? You said the results would be back today. There's no chance that you'll be able to bear children. I'm not surprised. You must've been tested before. Oh, they said... I wouldn't have an easy time getting pregnant. But I've been taking... ..hormone injections. And I have been extremely promiscuous. I've never... ..used... um... contraceptive devices. I've never even thought contraceptive thoughts. There are other reasons for not sleeping with just... anybody. That's true, you know. I never thought of that. Oh, of course, you... ..had a chance to... ..check me out... ..thoroughly... ..before you jumped on me. Are you that careful? Do you only have affairs with patients? No, I was... concerned... Am I bad? ls that it? You gonna spank me, Doc? It hadn't occurred to me. I've been bad... ..and I need to be punished. I need to be punished. (sobbing) Danuta. Danuta. (shouts) Danuta! As soon as we get some cold water on your face, you'll feel much better. Elly... - What happened? - Thank God you're back, Bev! I'm just no good with the serious ones. Why are you back? I'm just no good with the frivolous ones. (Elliot laughs) All she wanted was a little slap on the arse, Bev. Yeah? Yeah, well, I wondered what the fuck my other had got us into... ..behind my back. She's an actress, Bev, she's a flake. She plays games all the time. You never know who she really is. Yeah. I can see that. You can? Yeah! So... when are you gonna see her again? She's called the clinic five times already. I don't know. Perhaps you'd better go. Wait a minute,... ..this is serious. - No, it's not. - Yes, it is! If we didn't share women, you'd still be a virgin. - No. - You'd never get laid on your own. I don't get out much. Listen, the beauty of our business is you don't have to get out... - ..to meet beautiful women. - No, I can't do that. It's not... - Ethical. - No. It's not... safe. Well, if you don't go and see her... - What? - I will. And I'll tell her I'm you... ..and I'll do... terrible things to her. What sort of terrible things? (Claire moans) (groans) Oh, God! Oh, Doctor,... ..you've cured me! (Claire sobs) Shh, shh. What's the matter, what's the matter? I'll never get pregnant. I'll never have children. When I'm dead... I'll just be dead. I'll... ..really never have been a woman at all. Just a girl. A little girl. You could always adopt a baby. It wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be part of my body. Yes... that's true. Don't tell. Please don't tell... ..anybody about me. Please don't tell. I'm so vulnerable... I'm slashed open. Who would I tell? Eh? Who would I tell? (TV) And with that seal ofapproval, our 5th bubbly season gets under way. (door opens) Hey, hey, hey,... ..it's the swinger! Yeah... hi. So? Er, so... ..it was nice. She's... a little crazy, but sweet. Tell me all about it. Later. No, now. You might forget something later. Some yummy detail. I don't want to tell you about it. You don't what? - I want to keep it... - (pours drink) ..for myself. Listen,... ..you haven't had any experience until I've had it, too. You haven't fucked Claire Niveau until you tell me about it. Then I haven't fucked Claire Niveau. There's no point to this discussion, Arlene. There is a point. There definitely is a point! You started with me and now you won't carry through. And... we have a relationship! But you test out fine. It's your husband that's the problem,... ..and all he probably needs is a good sperm wash. If it's only a matter of laundry, why are you opposed to doing it? We don't do husbands. We do female infertility. We do women. That's our specialty. I am a woman... ..and I want you to take care of me. I trust you. It's hard enough to find someone... ..in the medical profession that you can trust. Arlene, that's... that's wonderful. I mean, that's really wonderful,... ..but we don't do husbands. We don't deliver babies, either. We make women fertile, and that's all we do. To achieve anything in life, one has to keep life simple. Don't you think? Irrigation. It'd be an exaggeration to say we can make up a new set of fallopian tubes... ..using just anything that's handy. Those tubes are highly specialised little organs. But with the kind of help we can offer the process,... ..it is possible to... modify several other organs: ..the odd vein,... ..or, as today,... ..we're using a femoral lymphatic vessel... ..to take over the function of conveying the egg... ..from the ovary to the uterus. What are you taking? Let me see. Dextroamphetamine resin. Dosage form: capsule. 7.5 milligrams. short-term treatment of obesity. Minor side effects: dry mouth, palpitations,... ..restlessness, unpleasant taste in mouth. Major... ..side effects: ..sleeplessness, rapid heartbeat,... ..euphoria. Do you want one? Where did you learn all that? Doctor, the Physician's Desk Reference is my favourite bedside reading. As a matter of fact,... ..they tell me that there's a high incidence of drug use amongst doctors. - Is that true? - Yep. Do you take drugs? No. Well, for pain. Pain creates character distortion. It's simply not necessary. I'm often in a lot of pain. What kind of pain? I think... ..psychosexual. I'd say that was a pretty astute diagnosis. Though I wouldn't recommend you using those for that condition. Who prescribed them for you? When you get to be a famous actress... well, doctors are... ..friendly. Do me a favour. Will you allow me to do the prescribing for you? Thanks, Arthur. You've forgotten to sign this, Dr Mantle. Oh. Sorry. Actually, my name's Denis. Sorry. I always get you confused. Bye again. If I had a game of squash now, Terry, I'd end up a dead man. I may win, but I'd be dead at the end of it. - Tired? - Yeah, that last one was rough. - Were you there? - No, I'll watch the tape. I'll need it to get the FT paper in shape, anyway. Boston's yelling at me for it. Hello, Mary. Then I'll just need your tissue rejection data. How's that coming along? Listen, how about I write the paper one time and you collect the data? Sure. Just say when. Do you want to see how it's shaping up? No, I trust you to make us look good. I'm exhausted. Too exhausted to see Claire tonight? No. Never. - You'll need these. - What's that? Butazamine. She's heard that it makes sex come on like Nagasaki. You're not feeding her pills, are you? Listen, baby other,... ..l've got her number. This lady's hustling us for drugs. I don't think that's true at all. - I think we should drop her, Bev. - You drop her! This is unknown territory we're moving into. Just cos we're handcuffed together doesn't mean I have to like you! Handcuffs? You don't get it, do you? Listen, honey-mud,... ..we're on the run... and until we find the release code to this thing... ..we're gonna get to know each other real well. I suggest we learn to like what we see. You're a very self-conscious reader. Just... Just loosen up... ..and play. Come on. Didn't you ever do routines as a kid? lmpersonations? The only impersonation I ever did was my other. I didn't know you had a other. Yeah. We're not very close. Beverly... That's a woman's name. Why did your mom give you a woman's name, I wonder? It's not a woman's name. It's spelled differently. It's still a woman's name. Does your other have a woman's name, too? Merian... spelled with an E... ..and an A. What are you trying to suggest? That I'm gay or something? My mother wanted girls? What the fuck is this bullshit psychoanalysis! Listen, Doctor,... ..l think there's something wrong with you. I don't know what it is, I can't put a label on it, but... ..you're subtly... ..l don't know... ..schizophrenic... ..or something. Sometimes I like you very much... ..and sometimes you're an amusing lay. Not much more. And I can't figure out... ..why. (whispers) Beverly. One for you. One for me. Please come this way. My dear... Sit down, have a drink,... ..and tell me everything. I'm not sure I know everything. Start with all this I've been hearing about you... ..and the wonderful Mantle boys. What are you talking about? Claire, this is me - Laura. Please don't be coy, it's tedious. Dear Beverly,... ..dear Elliot. Some claim they can't tell the difference,... ..but not me, dear. It's obvious to me that... Well, before I say anything gauche, tell me which one you're seeing. You mean there's two of them? Don't be an ass, dear. Of course there are two of them. They're twins, dear. Identical twins. My dear, you've gone absolutely pale. Have I said something? No, no, not at all. Where's that waiter? I want some coffee. Oh, how sick-making. I have said something, haven't l? (thunder) You know, I could get very fond of Butazamine. Ooooh...! Beverly,... ..why haven't you told me that your other isn't just a other? Ah, th... Ah, that. Yes, that. It never occurred to me. I mean, he is just a other. Um... - Is it important? - Is it important? I've heard you live together in the same apartment. Yeah, that's true. We both like ltalian furniture. God! Do you sleep in the same bed? Oh, Claire, come on! You come on! You told me... ..you and your other weren't close. And now I find out not only are you identical twins,... ..but you live together... ..in the same apartment. What's he like,... ..your twin? Well, I mean... er... Of course, h-he looks a lot like me. Are you identical psychologically? Um... No, I wouldn't say that. When can I meet him? You can't. I mean... ..you don't want to. (thunder) But, Beverly... don't you understand? I have to meet him. Why? I want to know everything about you. I don't think it's a good idea. You don't want me to meet your twin. Why is that? It's... It's difficult. It's very difficult. That's it, you see. I want to know why it's difficult for you. - My button... - It's important to me to know why. I suppose l... ..l could arrange for you and... ..Elliot... ..to have a drink together. Uh-uh. Nix. No good. Why? I want to see you two together. I know he's going to have to in the end. - Ah, there you are. - Here I am. I've been really looking forward to this. Well... er... Claire Niveau,... ..this is my other Elliot. Hi, Claire... I hope Bev's told you what a big fan I am of your movies. No, he hasn't. As a matter of fact, he hasn't mentioned you at all. Really? That's not very flattering. Well... Are you going to sit down? Yes, I am. I feel such a fool, actually. I must be the only woman in town... ..who doesn't know about the fabulous Mantle twins. What are you drinking? Nothing. I want to be very sober right at this moment. I want to be very clear. There really isn't any telling you apart, is there? Absolutely identical in every respect. I'm actually a couple of millimetres taller. I bet somebody who knew you both - how shall I put it? - ..knew you both really well... ..could tell the difference. Without measuring your height, I mean. What do you mean? Beverly's the sweet one, and you're the shit. Am I right? This is some feisty lady you've found, Beverly! Elliot, let's ease up on the bullshit for a moment. You can be honest with me. After all, I am laying both of you, aren't l? Er, now, hang on a... It's a sweet little act you have. You soften them up with all that smarmy concern... ..and along comes Dracula here and polishes them off. I was the one who fucked you first,... ..but I gave you to my baby other because you weren't very good. Oh, God, no! Um... Claire,... ..let me explain... You absolute shit! Explain what?! Explain... what? Listen... I've been around a bit. I've seen some creepy things in the movie business. This is the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me. - I doubt that. - What is it with you, chum? You can't get it up unless little other's watching? I told you this was a bad idea. - Really stupid. I'm leaving. - Don't bother. That solves that little problem. Jesus, Bev! Hey! - What's going on? - I don't know, I'm... I'm... er... ..a bit upset. Listen, I'll go and catch up with her. - I'll tell her it was all my fault. - No! Leave her alone. I'll sort it out. I give you the winner of the 1988 Feldman Dr Elliot Mantle! I suppose all of us know just how important it is... ..for a practitioner to receive the recognition of his peers. (Elliot) However, I feel that this award tonight... ..is not really for me,... ..but rather for those women... ..who have provided that most precious thing: The gift of life. - I want to thank Dr Angus Lawson... - Hi, how are you? ..who gave me the time to pursue my own research. But most of all I want to thank my other,... ..my partner, Dr Beverly Mantle,... ..who, true to form, is not here wasting time basking in glory. Here, take mine. But is hard at work at the Mantle Clinic... Not true! Not true! I'm here! Oh, sorry. I see Beverly has been doing a little basking, after all! He has a lot to cele ate. He has been recognised as one of North America's leading clinicians. Ladies and gentlemen,... ..Dr Beverly Mantle. - You all right? - Had rather a lot to drink. Just want to say something. - I just want to say some... - (microphone feedback) I just want to say something. (clears throat) There's been a fraud perpetrated here tonight. The whole thing's a fraud! - He's Beverly and I'm Elliot! - (laughter) - Just say thank you and get off. - No! I want to say something else! A lot of you are probably wondering... ..how we divide the work. Well, it's like this... I slave over the hot snatches... (gasps) ..and Elliot... makes the speeches! For God's sake! I do everything for those bimbos, except take them home and stick it in them! (audience gasps) Well, he's clearly been doing a lot of cele ating. Who can blame him? Thank you so much. Thank you. (alarm clock beeping) (beeping grows louder) I'm sorry about the catastrophe last night. It's true I had to smooth a few ruffled feathers this morning. But now, baby other,... ..for the good news. Lawson has... ..finally offered me the associate professorship at the hospital. - One vodka martini, Doctor. - Thank you, Sean. - Are you going to accept? - Of course I'm going to accept. It's the next step to chairman of the department. - What about the practice? - It goes on as before. - Except you're not there. - I won't be there as much, no. I'm not eating. - Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. What are those? Dex. I'm tired. - Want one? - Er... no, thanks. If I can fly around, teach, and do research,... ..surely you can find time for a few more patients? Sure. Why not? Good God! - I didn't know you were here. - Shh, shh. Elly's asleep. His plane doesn't go till noon. I didn't realise you two were so friendly. We're not so friendly. You gonna take a shower? Um... No, l... er... You go ahead. OK. See ya. It seems so... cold and empty. You can call it empty, or you can call it clean, sculptural. It's a question of the individual nervous system, I think. That presupposes one has an individual nervous system. Please? Er... thank you, I'll... I'll think about it. Claire... Yes? Oh,... ..it's you. Or should I say, which one of you is it? Please, Claire, don't. Are you still doing the mini-series? Re-shoots. The director didn't know what he was doing. Well,... ..tell me how sorry you are. Tell me how much you miss me. My other and I have always shared everything. I'm not a thing. I mean people,... ..experiences. It's never bothered me before now. It's different with me, is it? Yes. Yes, it is. Is Elliot jealous of me? Is he worried I'll steal you away from him? No, he offered to come and talk to you for me,... ..to patch things up. That would've been amusing. Why didn't he? I wouldn't let him. Were you afraid I might like him as much as I like you? Or maybe,... ..when it came down to it,... ..l couldn't see the difference. No! It doesn't work that way between us. I think it does. I think you two have never come to terms... ..with the way it really does work between you. (whispers) No! Not while he's here. I don't want him to see us. All right,... ..l'll just... separate you. Separate us? What do you mean? (Beverly screams) Ohh! Ohh! No! No! No! No! What happened? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was dreaming. - What about? - About Elliot. - What happened? - Oh, don't! Don't! Don't... touch it. Come to bed. Oh, Claire,... ..l don't want to dream that again. I can't! Take one of these. - What's that? - Seconal. I guarantee you, you won't dream. Don't let me dream that again. The message that clearly emerges from these complex encounters... ..between physician and patient... ..is that there is not only a place in the clinic,... ..but a demand for a philosophy. A philosophy which mixes... ..compassionate curiosity with social responsibility. They'll discover they're gonna have to. (door buzzer) Yeah. Yeah. Look, David, I've got to go. I've got company. All right, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye. - Dr Elliot Mantle? - Yes. Special order from Escort Embassy. I'm Mimsy... ..and this is my sister Coral. Hi. Would you like some of this? Sure. Listen, so that I know which one of you is which,... ..l'd like you... - Coral. - Coral. ..to call me Elly... ..and you, Mimsy,... ..to call me Bev. - Oh, shit! - (nurse) Watch it. (doctor) She's got it, Beverly. - (doctor) A near thing. You OK? - Yes, I'm OK. (doctor) I thought you were shaky there for a second. Beverly, it's past nine. You're late. You've gotta get up. I need something to get me up. You know where it is. Claire, will you call Danuta,... ..tell her to cancel my first three patients. I'll never make it. Can't eat. - What's wrong? - I don't know, I can't eat! If you don't know, I do. Too many sleepers last night, that's what. Look who's talking. Maybe you ought to take a week off. Just stop everything. I'm serious. I'll talk to Elly when he gets back. - I couldn't do anything before then. - Elliot is back. He... called here for you while you were in the shower. You spoke to him? Well, I couldn't help it, could l? I explained to him that you were staying here with me for a few days. How did he react? Civilised. He apologised... for the scene in the bar... ..and I more or less... accepted his apology. Where are you going? Leo's in town. I told you about Leo... ..and my Georgia picture. We're close to a deal. Don't go. I want you to stay. Beverly,... ..l can't. OK. Yeah. Um, could you tell me which is the make-up trailer? - This one here? - Who are you looking for? - Miss Niveau. - She expecting you? Yes, she is. Fascinating stuff. Lucky old Bev. He gets to rub up against the magic. He seems totally uninterested. Bev's not into art. You are? I'm into glamour,... ..the art of glamour. Well, here it is. I was surprised you wanted to see me. Give us a few minutes, please. I like your other very much,... ..and I thought it would be good... ..for you and me... to be friends... ..if we can. I think we can. There's something else. I'm going away to do another film. I'm worried about leaving Bev alone. Bev's not alone. No, you're right, he's not alone,... ..but he's lonely,... ..even with me. He's developing a serious drug problem. Did you realise that? I thought you had the drug problem. It's an occupational hazard. The same goes for Beverly. You resent me tremendously, don't you? You contribute... ..a confusing element to the Mantle others' saga. Possibly a destructive one. It's not personal. I think you're terrific. But I just don't have a role in the Mantle others' saga. I suppose,... ..if you liked us both... ..in the same way,... ..it might make things easier. It has been known to happen. I'm sorry,... ..but I can't. Am I really that different from Beverly? You really are. Claire, let me come to the airport. Beverly, please, no public goodbyes. Ten weeks is such a long time. I'll fly up... ..whenever there's a eak. Claire,... ..let's not lose each other. Birchall, will you please explain... ..to my director and my wardrobe person... ..l am not about to do this movie dressed like a 10-dollar hooker. Miss Niveau is not about to do this movie... ..dressed like a 10-dollar hooker. Well... Claire, you will admit, at least,... ..your character thinks of herself as a kind of emotional hooker. Oh, I do more than admit it. I'm the one who pointed it out to this... wardrobe person. But she's so bloody literal-minded. (woman sobs) Wardrobe person? She called me wardrobe person! I know, I know. (phone rings) Hello. Niveau suite. Hello? Hello? Have you examined her... c-carefully yet? What? Who is this? I'm her gynaecologist. You're... what? I'm Claire Niveau's gynaecologist! Did you know that she was a trifurcate? I'd have to classify that as a mutation. What exactly is this? Is that you, Byron? Carefully lu icate the two prime fingers of your right hand... ..and insert them... ..into Claire Niveau's vagina. Instead of feeling one cervical head,... ..you will feel three. Basically, this means... ..that you have been fucking a mutant! Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry,... ..l thought you were ready to see Mrs Randall. Mrs Randall, please come and sit down. I don't think we've met. Let me introduce myself. I'm one of the Mantle twins. The lesion, not surprisingly,... ..causes diffuse enlargement of the cervix... ..and, of course, our old friend, leucorrhoea. Until very recently,... ..diagnosis tended to be done after a histological examination... ..of the removed organ. A case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. I'm sorry, Doctor, but your other is waiting for you in your office. I think you'd better go see him. Bev, what are you doing here? What's wrong? I've been hiding out at Claire's. I've been hiding from you. Hiding? What are you talking about? I was afraid of... I was af... afraid you wouldn't let me have her. Oh, that's crazy, Bev. It is crazy because... ..yesterday... ..yesterday... ..l found out that she was having an affair. She's unfaithful to me, Elly. Bev, you mustn't take it so seriously. She's a showbiz lady. What can you expect? I'm in love with her! I have to take it seriously. It can't be love if it does this to you, can it? It can't be love, Bev. You're right, Elly. I was hiding from the wrong person. (music) In The Still Of The Night by The Five Satins (music) ln the still (music) Ofthe night (music) I held you (music) Held you tight (music) Cos I love (music) Love you so (music) Promise I'll never (music) Let you go (music) - In the still ofthe night (music) - In the still (music) Ofthe night (music) I remember... Dance? No. You go ahead. Go on, Bev, dance with the girl. (music) Before (music) The light (music) Hold me again (music) With all ofyour might (music) ln the still ofthe night (music) (backing singers) ln the still ofthe night (music) So before (music) The light (music) Hold me again (music) With all ofyour might (music) ln the still ofthe night (music) (backing singers) ln the still ofthe night (music) ln the still ofthe night - What's the matter, Bev? - I just can't. Bev, stay with us. Stay with me. Bev! He collapsed. Fuck, he's not eathing! Don't touch him, he's my other! Come on, Bev! Come on! (siren) - (Bev gasps) - Bev? Bev! Elly,... ..thank God you're here. (Elliot) Oh, God! Oh, Bev,... ..look at you, you're a mess,... ..you're a wreck. You could've had a stroke, Bev. You're lucky to be in one piece. One piece. Bev,... ..we can't let anyone know about the drugs. If that gets out, we're finished. How... would they know? I had to fight them off to stop them taking a blood sample,... ..but I can't stay here day and night. I've got to get you off the pills without anybody knowing. Do you think I'm really addicted? I'll put you on a detox programme. I'll supervise it myself. There you go. - Darling, tell me what's going on. - Mother, I'm at the end ofmy rope! I cannot live in that house another second! Every relationship has its ups and downs, dear. You and Tommy... Bev, there's a couple of things we're gonna have to... Why are you taking that apart? Elly... I can't sleep. If you're asking me for a sleeper, you're not gonna get one. What am I gonna do, then? You'll stay up. Elly, I'll die if I don't sleep! You'll stay up. What if I take something when you go home? I'm staying here. What if I take something when you go to sleep? - I won't. - How will you stay awake? I'll take something! You'll take an up so that I don't take a down? - This is crazy! - Bev... Don't worry about me. I'm not you. And don't destroy that. Ow, that really hurts. This? This... hurts? I don't know exactly what it is that's hurting... Mrs Bookman, this is a solid gold Mantle retractor. Solid gold! It's the best there is. This clinic's the best there is! I mean,... ..we have the technology. - It couldn't possibly hurt. - I-l didn't mean to... When did you last have a period? I haven't had one in four or five months. And does it... hurt... when you have intercourse? Yes, it does. (door closes outside) Where was l? You... asked me whether or not it hurt... - ..when I had intercourse... - Yes. What exactly did you have intercourse with? What do you mean? I just wondered. I was once asked... ..to treat a woman... ..who had had... intercourse... ..with a La ador retriever. I thought... ..maybe... You used this on Mrs Bookman? Yes. Bev... this is not for internals, remember? This is for surgical retraction. No wonder it hurt her! No, no, it's not the... There's nothing the matter with the instrument! It's the body! The woman's body was all wrong! (woman) Yes, I think you'll find his work quite interesting. Why don't you drop by later on this evening? Just a moment, please. May I help you? I wonder if you could put me in touch with Mr Wolleck. Perfect timing. Mr Wolleck is right over there working on a new piece. - That's Mr Wolleck? He works here? - Mm-hm. It's part of his show. I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I was wondering if you could help me with these. (Wolleck) Fascinating. They're quite beautiful. What are they? They're gynaecological instruments... ..for working on mutant women. Mutant women? That's a great theme for a show. No, it's not for a show. It's not art. I'm a doctor, I need them for my work. That's a little out of my line. What do you want me to do? Well, I need three-dimensional prototypes... ..in surgical steel,... ..cast,... ..hand-finished,... ..functioning. And I thought maybe... Aren't there large companies in this town... No! No, no, no, I can't go to them! It's too radical for them! We've always been too radical. I mean... I can't! It's too... It's too complicated. I think maybe we could... work something out. I've had it with the bullshit from this office! I've asked you ten times to transfer my wife's records to the Mount Sinai. You haven't done it. They refuse to admit her without them. - What is going on? - I'm so sorry. The doctors assured me they'd been sent. Bullshit! I want those files in my hand before I leave! Mr Glaser, I assure you I'll do everything I can. (knock at door) (mumbles) Not now. (Danuta) Doctor, I have to speak to you. Not now! Doctor, I'm... giving you my notice. I won't work under these conditions. Fine. Fine. (surgeon) We're all set, Beverly. We'll use these. (Beverly) Give us the tools and we will do the job. (nurse) l-l'm afraid I'm not familiar... ..with these instruments, Doctor. I've just had them made. They're and-new. Well... number them... - ..one to ten, from left to right. - (Beverly bangs the table) Give me the one... that I ask for. Give me number five. - (shouts) Now, please! - Yes... number five. Number five. No...! Jesus Christ, Beverly! I've got... I've got to slow everything down. I need something to slow everything down... (surgeon) Let go! - Oh, my God, she's bleeding! - Get a clamp, for God's sake! (surgeon shouts) Get him the hell outta here! I am more than willing to apologise for my behaviour. I have been working too hard. I... I must be more realistic about... my energy levels, and... ..about my ability to concentrate... ..for long periods of time under pressure. I must add, however,... ..these accusations arise out of a lack of understanding... ..of the radical techniques my other and I are known for. And I think there's a certain amount of professional jealousy involved... ..as well. That's fine, sir. We always intended to ease ourselves into pure research, anyway. No. I don't think that'll be necessary. You have our cooperation. They didn't buy it, Bev. I think they knew it was me. They said we could've killed her. They said the woman could've died. They're lying! They've always been jealous. They won't revoke our hospital privileges... ..as long as we don't ever use them again. Fuck 'em! We always planned to ease ourselves into pure research. I certainly always planned it. Didn't you? There seems to be some problem about... ..surgical instruments. About holding them as evidence of a disturbed mind. Do you know what they're talking about? I tried to tell you, Elly! You don't know the kind of patients we've been getting lately. You don't know what's going on out there. The patients are getting strange. They look all right on the outside,... ..but their insides,... ..they're deformed. Well, I had to deal with it somehow! Radical technology was required! You're right, Bev. Something radical is definitely required. Right, I want you to take... three of these now. Take three around seven this evening,... ..three before you go to sleep,... ..and three when you wake up in the morning. Yes, Doctor! Can I trust you to do that, or have I got to sit here and watch you? I don't know. Can you trust me? Oh, God! Don't do this to me, Bev. But I'm only doing it to me, Elly. Don't you have a will of your own? Why don't you just go on with your very own life? Do you remember the original Siamese twins? Chang and Eng. They were joined at the chest. Remember how they died? Mm. Chang... ..died of a stroke... ..in the middle of the night. He was always the sickly one. He was always the one who drank too much. When Eng woke up beside him... ..and found that his other was dead,... ..he died of fright... ..right there in the bed. Does that answer your question? Poor Elly. Poor Bev. Everything's under control. I don't see what the problem is. Now the hospital's getting complaints about your private practice. They've even approached me. Informally, of course. Off the record, of course. They asked me all about ls he a junkie? Everything. Of course, you didn't tell them anything. Of course not. But you can't go on insulating yourselves. They're gonna nail you. - They're gonna be forcedto nail you. - The clinic's none of their business. Wow, it's getting hard to tell the two of you apart. What did you do that for? It's my favourite fucking programme! Elly, Elly, Elly,... ..you haven't done anything wrong. Look, your reputation's separate from Bev's. You've still got a career. Cary,... ..my other's research is the basis of my career. I need him. Besides,... ..the truth is, nobody can tell us apart. We are perceived as one person. If Bev goes down the tubes, I go with him. I've got to get him back. I think that's too dangerous for you. I think you're the last person on earth who should try to do that. You've got to stay away from him now. Sure, go find him some help,... ..but, for God's sakes, Elliot, you've got to cut yourself loose. - It wouldn't work. - Why? Look, don't you get it yet? Whatever's in his bloodstream goes directly into mine. You can't be serious. That is an objective medical observation. No, no! No, it's not true. You're making it true, but it's not true. You don't put these in your mouth, they don't end up in your bloodstream! Beverly and I just have to get synchronised. Once we're synchronised, it'll be easy. - (slurred) Hello? - Who's this? It's Beverly. Beverly, it's Claire. I'm back. Claire? Beverly, why haven't I been able to reach you? Why haven't you called me? (sobs) Claire,... ..why did you betray me? What are you talking about? That... That man... That man in your hotel room. (sobs) Ohh! My God! Was that you who called? That was my secretary - Birchall. He's defiantly gay,... ..and you managed to gross him out completely. (sobs) Beverly,... ..l want you to come and see me. Come to me right now. (running water) (phone rings) Yeah? - Mr Virdo? - Uh-huh. - This is Dr Mantle. - Oh, yeah. I know this sounds awfully silly,... ..but I'm afraid I've... There's been a terrible mix-up. I've locked myself... into the clinic. Um... I was wondering ifyou'd mind coming up and... and letting me out. I'll be right there. Dr Mantle,... ..Lee Virdo. - Er... - Just a minute, Mr Virdo. OK. I think there's... something stuck there. (Beverly unlocks safety chain) What's going on in there? You know... Endless renovations. Oh, yeah. Um... You'd better lock it. Yeah, sure. - Are you coming down? - Yeah. Are you all right? Yes,... ..l'm fine. - You don't look so hot. - I'm fine! Thank you. You're the doctor. (woman) Excuse me, what are you doing? - They're mine! - They've been sold! I'm taking them. He's made another copy! They're mine and I'm taking them! They're not yours! They're not yours! Claire! Claire! Beverly, my love, what's wrong with you? I've got to have some Seconal. - I'm sorry... - I've got to have some! - I don't have anything at all. - Oh! Oh, fuck! - (whispers) It's all right. - No! I'll write a prescription for you. They'll fill it for you. - I've got to have them, Claire! - Oui. Don't tell Elliot... that I'm here. Why? I think he's becoming... ..a drug addict. (whispers) I think he's becoming... dangerous. Are you sure he didn't call? (Claire) I'm sure. It's not like Elliot. It's been... It's been almost a week. You know Elliot. I would've expected him to be kicking the door in by now. Well, I haven't heard a word from him. Didn't call when I was asleep? No. Tell me about... ..these... ..these tools. Tools? Surgical... instruments. You had them with you when you came. Did l? Yes. What are they for? They're for separating Siamese twins. I must go back. Don't go back. Stay here. I must go now. I'll take these. I'll come back. Your other won't let you come back. (Claire cries) How could he stop me? (running water) (turns offtaps) (running water) (mock American accent) Hey... welcome home, kid. We've got to take a shot of Dilantin tonight... ..otherwise we might convulse. Right. Don't forget. Right. Then we go to Percodan in the morning. Mm, right. Then, in the afternoon, we have a little treat. Dilaudid. Just because it's Saturday. So on Monday, we kick, right? We agreed. We have to start to pull things back together then. Oh, yes,... ..on Monday we definitely kick. How about some cake? I could go for that. And some orange pop. Some ice cream. We haven't got any ice cream, Elly. - Mummy forgot to buy it. - (Elliot coughs) I want... ..some ice cream! Happy birthday, Elly. It's not our birthday, Bev. Yes, it is. Happy birthday, baby other. We are about to separate the Siamese twins. Don't forget the good part! Oh, yes! Chang was always most concerned about dulling the pain. Don't waste it. Tell me when it takes effect. I don't think I'll notice anything. You can start when you like. Do you think... ..the morticulator is required, Eng? I think... ..everything is required, Chang. Why are you crying? Separation can be... ..a terrifying thing. Don't worry, baby other,... ..we'll always... We'll always be together. Elly? I had a terrible dream. Elly? Elly... Elly? Elly! Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... Elly... ..Elly... ..Elly... ..Elly... ..Elly... ..Elly... ..Elly... ..Elly... (Claire) Hello? Hello? Who is this?

5 days of Hacking / Camping / Lectures Join May Contain MCH2022.org Assemble everybody, we'll set sail 30 minuites later. Right turn. 1999 A.D. Tateyama, Chiba Prefecture Assemble everybody... A big typhoon is ewing.. south of the Ryukyu lslands, heading northeast at a speed of 25 mph. We're ready, sir! Off you go! Let's go! Yes sir. Yes sir. Let's go. All team members get ready for the orders. The storm is coming. Typhoon 13 is heading north and rapidly gaining strength. It'll soon hit Boso Peninsula. Here in Tateyama, it's raining in torrents and the wind is fierce. We can hardly stand up. Weather Central reports the typhoon has... an air pressure of 959 hpa. The velocity... The velocity of its wind is 38 meters. It's moving fast... Oh, no! What happen? Run. My God. ''Anti-Megalosaurus'' Anti-Megalosaurus Force (AMF) Established in Chiba in 1966 To defend the nation from monsters. It has 4072 members. All frigates stay on the harbour, waiting for orders. Bad timing. This way. It is danger. Run. My house! The whole city has entered the state of emergency evacuation. All troops, gather around Root 89. Concentrate your fire power... and stop the beast. Turn 3 o'clock. Lock on target! Fire! The target is approaching, pull back! The target is approaching. The U.S. Navy 5th Squadron is moving toward Misawa. 3rd and 4th Maser Gun Units! The 3rd car is on Route no.127. The 2nd car has arrived. Onward, okay, stop right here. Lighting. We've aimed at the target. Maser, be ready! Get ready to fire. What the...! The Target is approaching. Raise turrets! Raise turrets! Link with target system! Target system linked. Fire! Fire Maser The rain reduced its power to 70. Pull back! Tateyama after a nightmare. The damage is shocking. Residents are totally despondent. Army troops are pursuing their rescue operation. Premier Tsuge identified the giant monster as another Godzilla. The first one raided us in 1954. Godzilla? The new Godzilla inflicted heavy damage on Tateyama and disappeared in the Pacific. It might still be hiding near us. 45 years after the first one, how can we cope with the new one that recently raided us again? Prime Minister's Officer Prime Minister Machiko Tsuge Minister of Science and Technology 45 years ago, in 1954, the first Godzilla hit Tokyo. It was killed with a device invented by Dr. Serizawa. But it can never be used again. Dr. Serizawa feared its power, and sealed its secret with his own death. That Godzilla! After its appearance... giant monsters have often raided us. And Mothra, a giant moth from the South Pacific... We invented a heat-ray gun against it. Our battle with Big-Foot Gaira enabled us to organize a troop to combat monsters with Maser Guns. Each time Tokyo was rebuilt after devastation. thanks to the efforts of diligent citizens. But Godzilla... There's no monster like that. Now it's back to Japan again. What can we do? AMF Narashino Command Post We're not blaming you. You're not help responsible for unintentional deaths in battle. We want to know why it happened. Why did a genius operator like you miss the 73-type vehicle? Panicked in terror? I'm ready for any punishment. Akane was transferred to Data Room. Really? In fact, let alone other monsters. Maser Guns can't injure Godzilla. That must be the consensus. I understand, but... we can't let anyone die in vain. Too many have fallen victim to Godzilla. What's this? Looks like a monster. You must know. Trilobite. A species that became extinct 245 million years ago. A robot? Half-robot. The exterior is a robot. I used horseshoe crab muscles and nerves. It's controlled by DNA computers, so it moves as if alive. I want to conserve the species even in a form like this, especially when human beings are devastating the planet. That's my mission. Nobody's listening. Mr. Yuhara? I'm from the government. Would you please come with us? Defense Agency, Science & Technology Dr. Akamatsu (Robotics) Dr. Yamada (Microwaves) Dr. Kanno (Low Temperature Physics) They're here. Here are Japan's greatest scientific minds from various fields. They should be called the ain of our country. I'd like to show you something. Godzilla bones. Bones of the Godzilla that raided Japan in 1954. They were found off Boso Peninsula. Can you extract an interspinal cell from them? It won't be easy. You want a Godzilla clone? Not exactly. We're going to make something called a biorobot. It'll be a powerful weapon against Godzilla. A mechanical Godzilla to beat Godzilla. We need your cooperation in this project. This is a request from the government. The special bill on production of an anti-Godzilla superweapon has passed the Diet. Where will the money come from? Our pockets? No more tax! We're meeting a crisis. Realize it. We might use the weapon on other occasions, too. It's Japan's rearmament. The world is worried. I'll convince them. I'm ready to visit any country to do so. Japan was raided by Godzilla twice. I'll tell them how the victims suffered. That's my responsibility. You like this job? You can relax here. It'll suit you. We're trying our best to make the weapon. It'll finish Godzilla, absolutely! Morning! Sara, toast. It's coming. The number of supporters grew. 77. The outs blamed the government for the speedy passage of... the Anti-Godzilla Weapon bill. But public opinion is supporting the government more than before. What do you think about it? It means the terror of Godzilla is spreading in the minds of the people. Dad, won't you take this job? No. Why not? You know... The most important thing for me is to keep you company. You have many problems. You need me. No, I don't. Don't say I'm in your way. I've got an idea! A baseball star... contracted on condition that his child can enter the dugout. How about that? Baseball is one thing. My job is another. Eat vegetables. Mind the nutritional balance. You? I hate vegetables. We have a visitor. Eat quickly. Don't be late. Would you please reconsider? Didn't I refuse it? Yes, you did. But... I have a new proposition. Like the ballplayer whose child can enter the dugout. Can't you accept it? It's just one month old, you have to take care of it. One Month Later You live near here? She's new. Be nice to her. They're making a robot here. It's going to beat Godzilla. What's its name? A mechanical Godzilla, so Mechagodzilla. Mechagodzilla! That's nice! I live here. Goodbye. I'm back. Welcome home. Wonderful! The Godzilla cells began to divide. Our project is now on course. Congratulation. Well done. Why Godzilla? I wish they'd ing my mom back to life, not a monster. Come here. It's cute. New Prime Minister's Office The nation needs strong leadership. New Prime Minister. ''New Cabinet with lgarashi'' Neuro Type 3 is confirmed. ATP system OK. Check it. Yes sir. Everything is fine, please connect to the power cable. Physi-electrolytic conduit connected. Lifting completed, start the setting. 2003 A.D. How are you? I'm leader of Squadron Kiryu. ''Kiryu?'' The name of the anti-Godzilla robot. Mechagodzilla. We'll have the best pilots and crew. You're and the list, too. Three and a half years is a long time. AC-3 White Heron Squadron Kiryu, halt! Right turn! Salute! Halt! Squadron Kiryu led by Col. Togashi is here... to start operational training. This must be a mistake. Why are you here? Godzilla killed my other, but who caused it? Stop it! Be careful, men! Don't let her kill us like my other. Hayama! I'm leader. Any complaints? Even if you're a good pilot, if you upset our teamwork, get out! Anything else? Come on, hurry up. Kiryu! Kiryu! Look! My face! My arms! My legs! Everything! We are... the best! Keep on. Hello. Sleeping grass? It moves when touched. Coffee. Here you are. The same. Hello. Wolf! Shut up! May I sit here? Akane...I mean, Miss Yashiro. Would you like to have kids? Well, maybe I'm too rash. I hear the leader chose you to pilot Kiryu. It means you're the best pilot. What does he see in you? This project is doomed. You seem to have many old fans. Emitting pheromone? The insult! Beat it! Hayama, you're going too far. I see. That explains his hostility. I felt something odd about you... A wall between you and the others. You're isolated. You still keep it? Like it's mother. Dad! Sorry. I had one before. I had no friends. No family. I'm alone in the world. So I got used to isolation. It doesn't bother me. Okay, let's make a bet. If Mechagodzilla...I mean, Kiryu beats Godzilla, I'll treat you to dinner in cele ation. But if Godzilla overcomes Kiryu... the maker owes you an apology. So I'll treat you to dinner. Is it a deal? I was little when I had the plant. Don't keep it forever. MFS-3 Kiryu Kiryu, the anti-Godzilla weapon our country desperately needs, is now complete. I thank the people who rendered their service in its construction. It's my greatest pleasure to report it to the world today. We did it! I'll explain its structure and performance. As you know, the form is based on Godzilla. In terms of robotics, it's superb. A perfect form for combat... the best possible form. DNA computers are used for its transmit system. In a usual computer, only 0 and 1 are used. DNA has four types of base. They make speedy calculation possible. AMF Analysis Company Headquarters It's remote-controlled from the transport. What is this? A whale? No! Calling for scramble! A monster in the Pacific! Go get it immediately! Kiryu can be in action for two hours. For longer period, refill energy from a nearby Defense Force base. Use transport above the spot. Kiryu is equipped with a weapon called the Absolute-Zero Gun. It's very powerful. We tested it last week. Look. Absolute-zero means 273.15 degrees below zero. It emits light... of very low temperature. It smashes the atoms of the target. It consumes 40 percent of the energyof Kiryu. It's the ultimate weapon. Something is moving on the sea. Not a ship. What? Godzilla? It's going north heading for Tokyo Bay. Dispatch the Defense Forces and Kiryu immediately. Kiryu Control Room Kiryu is under the control of the AMF Chief of Staff. It will leave immediately! Godzilla... This is not a drill. Dispatch White Herons. White Herons loaded with solid shots. Flight no. 2's system is fine. Get ready to take off. Prepare the stage. Prepare the lock. White Herons 1, 2 and 3, move to lift-off position! Barriers off! Lift-off okay. A request from the U.S. Army! Wait here. White Herons ready! Lift off! Life off! White Heron 2. Kiryu starts to elevate. Clear virtual data. Neuro system is in normal condition. ATP system, okay. Ground crew, pull back to safety! Body lock away. Change to transportation formation. No.2 move forward. Transport wire arms down! Kiryu's ready to lift, everything's normal. Kiryu's body up. Coast is clear. Body-balancer normal. White Herons in level flight. Godzilla has entered Tokyo Bay heading north for Tokyo. Yokosuka, Yokohama and Kawasaki are in danger. Evacuate them. All main roads are blocked. Don't use your cars. What are you waiting for? Get moving! It's dangerous, stop the car. Attention! Godzilla is coming! Get out! Gather round! Attention! Godzilla is coming! Evacuate immediately! No time! Get out of here! An evacuation order has been issued! Visitors to Hakkeijima Sea Paradise, evacuate the place with the soldiers! Take your children to safety hand in hand! Godzilla is here! Get out! Run! Check the nearby region's evacuation. Get everybody in the combat zone loaded. Kiryu arrived at the spot. Troops, be ready to attack. Can Kiryu stop it? Target spotted. Go down! Roger. I'm going down. Hakkeijima is evacuated. Kiryu landed. Leave Kiryu's range of action! And wait! Wire retracted. White Heron 3 leaving the range. Attack! Roger! Rockets away! Missiles away! Use the Maser Guns. Roger! It's retreating! Yashiro, finish it! Absolute-Zero, stand by. Locks off. What's up? No reaction! Something's wrong with the system. Not now! Godzilla's leaving. We still cannot reach Kiryu and White Heron. Akane, how's Kiryu? Unable to operate. Okay. Take it to the dock. Roger. Roger. What's that? You want to kill us? What's up? Kiryu's idea! Running wild! It's running wild! As if it were Godzilla! Remain where you are, and wait for an order to attack. Where's Squadron Kiryu? I'll attract its attention and lure it to the sea. Can you? Leave it to me. Stupid! Just follow me! White Heron 3 shot down! You okay? Hayama! Come on! Go ahead! Hurry! Why save me? Not an error in the system. I see! Kiryu recognizes its enemy. It might use the Absolute-Zero. Any way to stop Kiryu? Wait until it consumes all its energy. How long? About an hour. Latest report, the city is seriously ruined. ''Kiryu Runs Wild!'' ''Hakkeijima Playland Destroyed!'' ''Will lgarashi Surrender Office?'' Where's Godzilla? We're desperately searching for it, but... I'll assume responsibility for this failure. I pushed the project. Will you resign? We're trying hard to fix Kiryu. Won't we need it? Squadron Kiryu? I can't say now. Kiryu was made from the bones of the first Godzilla. Is that why it calls in Godzilla? Neuro system is in a mess. Circuit joint, okay. Something made it mad. What, I wonder. White Herons 6 has taken off from Misawa. It'll arrive at 17:24. Give me your data. Okay. Godzilla roared that time. Godzilla's roar disturbed Mechagodzilla's system. Can Kiryu be fixed? Sure. We used Godzilla's DNA for Kiryu's DNA computers, so it was adaptable. If we change the base to a different type and make different DNA computers, Kiryu won't be bothered by Godzilla. That's good. But Mechagodzilla will have no chance. No! Only Kiryu can beat Godzilla. Anyway, I'll do my best for you, Akane. I talk too much. I'm glad the injury wasn't serious. Who asked you to do it? Do I owe you my life? How disgusting! Why blame her? She saved our lives. So you're on her side now? Listen. Who's your enemy, Akane or Godzilla? No storm in a teacup. Where's Sara? Sara, what are you doing? Kiryu has a life, too. Why must it fight Godzilla who should be a friend? It thinks so. The H-bomb ought Godzilla. Now a Godzilla cyborg. Who's to blame? Human beings. I know what you mean, but... Adults say life is important, but they don't believe it. No one pities Kiryu, though it has a life, too. Sara... She's eccentric. Her mother died when Sara was four. She fell ill while she was pregnant. The doctor said he could save either the mother or the fetus. I asked the doctor to save my wife. But she wished her baby to be born. Sara wanted both her mother and the baby to be safe. In the end, both of them went to heaven. Since then... Sara has been sensitive about life and death. Talking with your mother again? None of your concern. Escaping from reality? You must go onward, even if you're afraid. What's that? Don't push it on me. You must fight and fight for your chair. I've done so. Fight against whom? The whole world. Well, certainly Kiryu is alive. It's like me. Its life is worthless. Is your life worthless? Nobody was glad to have me. I shouldn't have been born. Why not? To be alive is good enough. There can't be any life that's worthless. ''Can't be...?'' Here's a report. Sonar reaction. Isn't this Godzilla? Maybe. It's near us. Godzilla is in Tokyo Bay heading for Shinagawa. It'll land at 01:00. All troops, take positions! AMF has just passed the Shinagawa Station. Don't be afraid. Evacuate at once. The first fleet has already prepared the battle array in the dock. Godzilla is here! Target locked on. F2 Yellow 5 attacking! Godzilla has landed at Shinagawa. Kiryu's maintenance is done. Report how it is. Do final check. A big fire oke out in Shinagawa. All troops, pull back! Kiryu has been repaired. The scramble order? Not yet. No other weapons are useful. Why hesitate? It'll make more victims. The Tank Force's damage reaches 40. The 2nd line of defense starts to attack. Prime Minister's Office The Chief of Staff is waiting at the Central Command Post. The AMF Chief of Staff? In Kiryu's Control Room. Yes? Your permission to dispatch Kiryu, sir. It's fully repaired. It won't run wild again. How can you be so sure? The future of AMF depends on it. We all want it. Premier... Togashi. Dispatch Kiryu. It's the only chance we have left. It's my responsibility. I'll be waiting. The Prime Minister gave the okay! Yes. I got the report just now. I'll fly too. Okay. Dispatch Kiryu immediately! Man your posts! Kiryu is ready to dispatch. White Herons get ready to scramble. Maybe I don't dislike her after all. Here we come! I'm calling from Shinagawa Hospital. There are many patients to take out. Send more cars. Godzilla! Godzilla here. 350. It's going straight ahead. SSM1, forward. Godzilla is approaching Shinagawa Hospital. Too late. Let go of Kiryu. You mean it? Get ready! SSM1, fire! SSM1 destroyed! Mama... Where to? Watch out! Down! That one? That's Kiryu. Come on! Get in! Evacuation finished! Go ahead, Kiryu! Roger! Commence attack! What's the damage? It's okay. Base Atsugi. We're ready to take off. Now, go! Back-unit away! I'll show you what Kiryu can do. Good! The Shinagawa and Minato areas are evacuated. He did it! It can't fight long. Its energy... is depleting. Only a 45 supply left. Finish it quickly. I understand. Absolute-Zero stand by. Absolute-Zero stand by. Locks off. Absolute-Zero away! Buildings are gone! What are you doing? Stand up! No! Kiryu doesn't respond! What?! Godzilla's heat ray damaged Kiryu's control system. Fix it! If so, Kiryu has several booths for maintenance by manual operation. That's it! It's too dangerous. Godzilla's heat ray is radioactive. Let me do it! I'm ready. No! I'll go! Wait, Akane! You have no permission to go! Wait! Take care. Don't let him beat you. Maser Gun Unit, attract Godzilla's attention. The energy? We're short of electrical power. Can we get it from power companies? If we do, Tokyo will suffer a blackout. Let's try. Ask the power companies immediately. Oh, no! MB-3 is alive. Okay. Suspend the power supply. Areas 15 and 16, off. Areas 17 and 18, off. Power supply will be suspended. Kiryu... Remove radioactivity. Okay, Dr. Yuhara. It's on! But energy... We'll send it. Microwave... Microwave has been received. On target. Radiate! Kiryu, you understand what I say. You and I are buddies. Shall we go? Okay, Kiryu is on! Behind you! Don't die! Kiryu! Your power... Give me power! What's the damage? Report it! Come in! Answer me! Kiryu away! He stands! No! Not again! Godzilla! Godzilla can't spit fire now. Shoot the Absolute-Zero! Never mind me! Shoot it! Hayama! Let's go! Godzilla surfaces! Everybody on the alert. The Absolute-Zero is damaged. No energy left. Unable to follow Godzilla. Well done! Good job, Akane! Send a unit to restore Kiryu. We're coming to save you. Wait! Kiryu's damage level: 37. We couldn't kill it. But we could expel Godzilla. We have a weapon more powerful than Godzilla. lt means a lot. We sacrificed plenty for it, but... it represents a great victory! Prime Minister. Hishinuma. You did a great job! Sara... Nothing. Repairing crew, go to first deck. Thank you. For what? You gave me strength. So did the others. No life is worthless. I believe you now. The plant? Remember our bet? I owe you a dinner... in cele ation. I didn't win. It was a draw. In that case, I'll treat you to dinner. I did it! 5 days of Hacking / Camping / Lectures Join May Contain MCH2022.org

5 days of Hacking / Camping / Lectures Join May Contain MCH2022.org A big typhoon is ewing... ...south of the Ryukyu Islands, heading northeast at 25 mile per hour. We're ready, sir! Off you go! Let's go! The storm is coming. Typhoon 13 is heading north and rapidly gaining strength. It'll soon hit Boso Peninsula. Here in Tateyama, it's raining in torrents and the wind is fierce. We can hardly stand up. Weather Central reports... ...the typhoon has an air pressure of 959 millibars. The velocity... The velocity of its wind is 38 meters. It's moving fast... Oh, no! Bad timing. My house! All troops, gather around Route 89. Concentrate your firepower and stop the beast. Lock on target! Fire! The U.S. Navy Fifth Squadron is moving toward Misawa. Third and Fourth Maser Gun Units. Maser, be ready! What the...? Raise turrets! Link with target system! Fire! Fire maser! The rain has reduced its power to 70 percent. Pull back! Tateyama after a nightmare. The damage is shocking. Residents are totally despondent. Army troops are pursuing their rescue operation. Premier Tsuge identified the giant monster... ...as another Godzilla. The first one raided us in 1954. The new Godzilla inflicted heavy damage on Tateyama... ...and disappeared in the Pacific. It might still be hiding near us. Forty-five years after the first one... ...how can we cope with the new one that has raided us? Forty-five years ago, in 1954, the first Godzilla hit Tokyo. It was killed with a device invented by Dr. Serizawa. But it can never be used again. Dr. Serizawa feared its power and sealed its secret... ...with his own death. That Godzilla. After its appearance... ...giant monsters have often raided us. And then there was Mothra, a giant moth from the South Pacific. We invented a heat-ray gun to use against it. Our battle with Bigfoot Gaira enabled us... ...to organize a troop to combat monsters with maser guns. Each time, Tokyo was rebuilt after the devastation... ...thanks to the efforts of diligent citizens. But Godzilla... There's no monster like that. Now it's back in Japan again. What can we do? We're not blaming you. You will not be held responsible for unintentional deaths in battle. We want to know why it happened. Why did a genius operator like you miss the 73-type vehicle? Panicked in terror? I'm ready for any punishment. Akane has been transferred to Data Room. In fact, let alone other monsters... ...maser guns can't injure Godzilla. That must be the consensus. I understand. But we can't let anyone die in vain. Too many have fallen victim to Godzilla. What's this? It looks like a monster. You must know. Trilobite. A species that became extinct 245 million years ago. A robot? Half-robot. The exterior is a robot. I used horseshoe-crab muscles and nerves. It's controlled by DNA computers, so it moves as if it were alive. I want to conserve species, even life forms like this... ...especially when human beings are devastating the planet. That's my mission. Nobody's listening. Mr. Yuhara? I'm from the government. Would you please come with us? They're here. Here are Japan's greatest scientific minds from various fields. They should be called the ain of our country. I'd like to show you something. Godzilla bones. Bones of the Godzilla that raided Japan in 1954. They were found off Boso Peninsula. Can you extract an inter-spinal cell from them? It won't be easy. You want a Godzilla clone? Not exactly. We're going to make something called a bio-robot. It'll be a powerful weapon against Godzilla. A mechanical Godzilla to beat Godzilla. We need your cooperation on this project. This is a request from the government. The special bill on production... ...of an anti-Godzilla super-weapon has passed through the Diet. Where will the money come from? Our pockets? No more taxes! We're meeting a crisis. Realize it. We might use the weapon on other occasions too. It's Japan's rearmament. The world is worried. I'll convince them. I'm ready to visit any country to do so. Japan was raided by Godzilla twice. I'll tell them how the victims suffered. That's my responsibility. You like this job? You can relax here. It'll suit you. We're trying our best to make the weapon. It'll finish Godzilla, absolutely! Good morning. Sara, toast. The number of supporters grew. Seventy-seven percent. Opposition blamed the government for the speedy passage... ...of the Anti-Godzilla Weapon Bill. But public opinion is supporting the government more than before. What do you think about it? It means the terror of Godzilla... ...is spreading in the minds of the people. Dad, won't you take this job? No. Why not? You know... ...the most important thing for me is to keep you company. You have many problems. You need me. No, I don't. Don't say I'm in your way. I've got an idea! A baseball star... ...sign a contract on the condition that his child can enter the dugout. How about that? Baseball is one thing. My job is another. Eat your vegetables. Mind the nutritional balance. What about you? I hate vegetables. We have a visitor. Eat quickly. Don't be late. Would you please reconsider? Didn't I refuse it? Yes, you did, but I have a new proposition. Like the ballplayer whose child can enter the dugout. Can't you accept it? You live near here? She's new. Be nice to her. They're making a robot here. It's going to beat Godzilla. What's its name? A mechanical Godzilla, so Mechagodzilla. Mechagodzilla! That's nice! I live here. Goodbye. I'm back. Welcome home. Wonderful! The Godzilla cells began to divide. Our project is now on course. Why Godzilla? I wish they'd ing Mom back to life, not a monster. The nation needs strong leadership. New prime minister. How are you? I'm the leader of Squadron Kiryu. Kiryu? That is the name of the anti-Godzilla robot. Mechagodzilla. We'll have the best pilots and crew. You're on the list too. Three and a half years is a long time. Squadron Kiryu, halt! Right turn! Salute! Squadron Kiryu, led by Colonel Togashi... ...to start operational training. This must be a mistake. Why are you here? Godzilla killed my other, but who caused it? Stop it! Be careful, men! Don't let her kill us like my other. Hayama! I'm the leader. Any complaints? Even if you're a good pilot... ...if you are going to upset our teamwork, get out! Anything else? Hello. Sleeping grass? It moves when touched. Coffee. Here you are. The same. Hello. Wolf! Shut up! May I sit here? Akane... I mean, Miss Yashiro. Would you like to have kids? Well, maybe I'm too rash. I hear the leader chose you to pilot Kiryu. That means you're the best pilot. What does he see in you? This project is doomed. You seem to have many old fans. Are you emitting pheromone? The insult! Beat it! Hayama, you're going too far. I see. That explains his hostility. I felt something odd about you. A wall between you and the others. You're isolated. You still keep it? Like her mother. Dad! I had one before. I had no friends. No family. I'm alone in the world. So I got used to isolation. It doesn't bother me. Okay, let's make a bet. If Mechagodzilla... I mean, if Kiryu beats Godzilla... ...l'll treat you to dinner in cele ation. But if Godzilla overcomes Kiryu... ...the maker owes you an apology. So I'll treat you to dinner. Is it a deal? I was little when I had the plant. Don't keep it forever. Kiryu, the anti-Godzilla weapon our country desperately needs... ...is now complete. I thank the people who rendered their service in its construction. It's my greatest pleasure... ...to report it to the world today. I'll explain its structure and performance. As you know, the form is based on Godzilla. In terms of robotics, it's superb. A perfect form for combat, the best possible form. DNA computers are used for its transmit system. In a usual computer, only zero and one are used. DNA has four types of bases. They make speedy calculation possible. It's remote-controlled from the transport. What's this? A whale? No! Calling for scramble! A monster in the Pacific! Go get it immediately! Kiryu can be in action for two hours. Kiryu can be in action for two hours. For longer periods, energy is sent from a nearby Defense Force base... ...to a transport on location. Kiryu is equipped with a weapon... ...called the Absolute-Zero Gun. It's very powerful. We tested it last week. Look. Absolute zero means 273.15 degrees below zero. It emits light of very low temperature. It smashed the atoms of the target. It consumes 40 percent of the energy. Kiryu, it's the ultimate weapon. Something is moving on the sea. It's not a ship. What? Godzilla? It's going north, heading for Tokyo Bay. Dispatch the Defense Forces and Kiryu immediately. Kiryu is under the control of the AMF chief of staff. It will leave immediately! Godzilla... White Herons 1, 2 and 3, move to lift-off position! Barriers off! Lift-off okay. A request from the U.S. Army! Wait here. White Herons ready! Lift off! White Heron 2. Ground crew, pull back to safety! Body-lock away. Transport wire arms down! Kiryu's body is up. The coast is clear. Body-balancer normal. White Herons in level flight. Godzilla has entered Tokyo Bay, heading north for Tokyo. Yokosuka, Yokohama and Kawasaki are in danger. Evacuate them. All main roads are blocked. Don't use your cars. What are you waiting for? Get moving! Attention! Godzilla is coming! Get out! Gather round! No time! Get out of here! An evacuation order has been issued! Visitors to Hakkejima Sea Paradise... ...evacuate the place with the soldiers! Take your children to safety! Godzilla is here! Get out! Run! Kiryu has arrived at the location. Troops, be ready to attack. Can Kiryu stop it? Target spotted. Go down! Roger, I'm going down. Hakkejima has been evacuated. Kiryu landed. Leave Kiryu's range of action and wait! Wire retracted. White Heron 3 leaving the range. Attack! Roger! Rockets away! Missiles away! Use the maser guns. Roger! It's retreating! Akane, finish it! Absolute-Zero, stand by. Locks off. What's happening? There is no reaction! Something's wrong with the system. Not now! Godzilla's leaving. Akane, how's Kiryu? Unable to operate. Okay. Take it to the dock. Roger. What's that? You want to kill us? What's going on? It was Kiryu's idea! It's running wild! As if it were Godzilla! Remain where you are... ...and wait for an order to attack. Where's Squadron Kiryu? I'll attract its attention and lure it to the sea. Can you? Leave it to me. Damn it! Just follow me! White Heron 3 shot down! You okay? Hayama! Come on! Go ahead! Hurry! Why save me? It was not an error in the system. I see! Kiryu recognizes its enemy. It might use the Absolute-Zero. Is there any way to stop Kiryu? Wait until it consumes all its energy. How long? About an hour. Where's Godzilla? We're desperately searching for it, but... I'll assume responsibility for this failure. I pushed the project. Will you resign? We're trying hard to fix Kiryu. Won't we need it? Squadron Kiryu? I can't say now. Kiryu was made from the bones of Godzilla. Is that why it calls in Godzilla? The circuit joint is okay. Something made it mad. What, I wonder? Give me your data. Okay. Godzilla roared at that moment. Godzilla's roar disturbed Mechagodzilla's system. Can Kiryu be fixed? Sure. We used Godzilla's DNA for Kiryu's DNA computers, so it was adaptable. If we change the base to a different type... ...and make different DNA computers... ...Kiryu won't be bothered by Godzilla. That's good. But Mechagodzilla will have no chance. No. Only Kiryu can beat Godzilla. Anyway, I'll do my best for you, Akane. I talk too much. I'm glad the injury wasn't serious. Who asked you to do it? Do I owe you my life? How disgusting! Why blame her? She saved our lives. So you're on her side now? Listen. Who's your enemy, Akane or Godzilla? No storm in a teacup. Where's Sara? Sara, what are you doing? Kiryu has a life too. Why must it fight Godzilla when they should be friends? It thinks so. The H-bomb first ought Godzilla here. And now a Godzilla-like robot ought him. Who's to blame? Human beings. I know what you mean, but... You don't! Adults say life is important, but they don't believe it. No one pities Kiryu, though it has a life too. Sara. She's eccentric. Her mother died when Sara was 4. She fell ill while she was pregnant. The doctor said he could save either the mother or the fetus. I asked the doctor to save my wife. But she wished her baby to be born. Sara wanted both her mother and the baby to be safe. In the end, both of them went to heaven. Since then... ...Sara has been sensitive about life and death. Talking with your mother again? It's none of your concern. Escaping from reality? You must go onward, even if you're afraid. What's that? Don't push that on me. You must fight and fight for your chair. I've done so. Fight against whom? The whole world. Well, certainly Kiryu is alive. But it's like me. Its life is worthless. Is your life worthless? Nobody was glad to have me. I shouldn't have been born. Why not? To be alive is good enough. No life can be worthless. It can't? Here's a report. Is this Godzilla? Maybe. It's near us. Godzilla is in Tokyo Bay heading for Shinagawa. It will land at 0100. All troops, take positions! Godzilla is here! F2 Yellow 5 attacking! Godzilla has landed at Shinagawa. Kiryu's maintenance is done. Report how it is. Do a final check. A big fire oke out in Shinagawa. All troops, pull back! Kiryu has been repaired. The scramble order? Not yet. No other weapons are useful. Why hesitate? There will be more victims. The chief of staff is waiting at the Central Command Post. The AMF chief of staff? In Kiryu's control room. Yes? Your permission to dispatch Kiryu, sir. It's fully repaired. It won't run wild again. How can you be so sure? The future of AMF depends on it. We all want it. Togashi. Dispatch Kiryu. It's the only chance we have left. It's my responsibility. I'll be waiting. The prime minister gave the okay! Yes. I got the report just now. I'll fly too. Okay. Dispatch Kiryu immediately! Maybe I don't dislike her after all. Here I come! I'm calling from Shinagawa Hospital. There are many patients to evacuate. Send more cars. Godzilla! Godzilla's here! 350. It's going straight ahead. SSM- 1, forward. Godzilla is approaching Shinagawa Hospital. Too late. Let go of Kiryu. You mean it? Get ready! SSM-1, fire! SSM- 1 destroyed! Where are you going?! Watch out! Down! That one? That's Kiryu. Come on! Get in! Evacuation completed! Go ahead, Kiryu! Roger! Commence attack! What's the damage? It's okay. Atsugi Base, we're ready to take off. Now, go! Back-unit away! I'll show you what Kiryu can do. Good! The Shinagawa and Minato areas have been evacuated. She did it! It can't fight much longer. Its energy is depleting. There's only 45 percent of its supply left. Finish it quickly. I understand. Absolute-Zero stand by. Absolute-Zero stand by. Lock off! Absolute-Zero away! The buildings are gone! What are you doing? Stand up! - No! Kiryu won't respond! - What?! Godzilla's heat ray damaged Kiryu's control system. Fix it! If the control system is damaged, Kiryu can be manually operated... ...through one of the several maintenance booths. That's it! It's too dangerous. Godzilla's heat ray is radioactive. Let me do it! - I'm ready. - No! - I'll go! - Wait, Akane! You have no permission to go! Wait! Take care. Don't let him beat you. Maser Gun Unit, attract Godzilla's attention. The energy? We're short of electrical power. Can we get it from power companies? It we do, Tokyo will suffer a blackout. Let's try. Ask the power companies immediately. Oh, no! MB-3 is alive. Okay, suspend the power supply. Okay, suspend the power supply. Areas 15 and 16, off. Areas 17 and 18, off. Kiryu... Remove radioactivity. Okay, Dr. Yuhara. It's on! But the energy... We'll send it. Microwave the target. Radiate! Kiryu, you understand what I say. You and I are buddies. Shall we go? Okay, Kiryu is on! Behind you! Don't die! Kiryu! Your power... Give me power! What's the damage? Report it! Come in! Answer me! Kiryu away! He is standing! No! Not again! Godzilla! Godzilla can't spit fire now. Shoot the Absolute-Zero! Never mind me! Shoot it! Hayama! Let's go! Godzilla has surfaced! The Absolute-Zero is damaged. There is no energy left. Unable to follow Godzilla. Well done! Good job, Akane! Send a unit to restore Kiryu. We're coming to save you. Wait. We couldn't kill it. But we did expel Godzilla. We have a weapon more powerful than Godzilla. That means a lot. We sacrificed plenty for it... ...but it represents a great victory! Prime minister. Hishinuma. You did a great job! Sara? It's nothing. Repair crew, go to first deck. Thank you. For what? You gave me strength. So did the others. No life is worthless. I believe you now. Where's the plant? Remember our bet? I owe you a cele ation dinner. I didn't win. It was a draw. In that case, I'll treat you to dinner. I did it! 5 days of Hacking / Camping / Lectures Join May Contain MCH2022.org

'From a secret island in the South Pacific, 'the courageous Tracy family run an organisation called lnternational Rescue. 'When disaster strikes, anywhere in the world, 'they are always first on the scene. 'They go by the name they gave their incredible machines, 'the Thunderbirds. 'Five, 'four, 'three, 'two, 'one. 'Thunderbirds are go!' 'But in this family of heroes, there is one son left behind.' So, gentlemen, we all know that A2 plus B2 equals... C2, that's right. But what happens when we ing in Leonardo da Vinci's E, F and... Mr Tracy! Alan. Alan! How kind of you to come back from outer space, Alan. I trust re-entry wasn't too rough? (Chuckles) Here on Earth we've been discussing the Pythagorean theorem. Did any of that happen to sink in? - I was just... - Apparently not. Thunderbirds are go. I hope you aren't going anywhere special over spring eak, Alan. I expect a 1 0,000-word paper on my desk the day you get back. That should keep you busy. - (Bell ringing) - That should keep you busy. - You can stick your 1 0,000 words right up... - Alan! - Headmaster. - Mr Tracy! Miss Garrett. - You gotta be careful. - Why can't I tell 'em I'm a Thunderbird? You're not a Thunderbird yet. If your identity was discovered, it would be a d...di...very bad. I know, I know. It's the Thunderbirds. They're gonna be on TV. Let's go! - Whoa! Where are they? - In Russia, at an oil rig fire. Great! I'm stuck at school and my others are on a cool mission. - Wanna watch? - Yeah. 'This super-rig is now in danger of total collapse. 'There is real concern for the lives of six men who remain trapped on board. 'An emergency call went out to the Thunderbirds a few minutes ago. 'They should be here any moment now. 'And here they are!' (Cheering) 'Thunderbird 2, this is Thunderbird 1. I have visual. - 'They're trapped on an inspection platform.' - 'FAB. We'll take it from here.' Come on! - Scott, get out. That tower's coming down. - 'Got it.' - 'Thunderbird 1, any damage?' - 'Negative, Dad.' Come on, come on! Swing around. You can't get close enough, taking that angle. 'This angle's no good. Gonna swing around.' 'Watch the wind shear.' 'l was watching for wind shear when you were still wearing diapers.' Come on, Dad. - Whoa! Hold on! - Who needs the diapers now, Dad? - What do they do now? - Drop the platform from Thunderbird 2. 'Here we go. Rescue platform's on its way.' - 'Virgil, how's it going?' - 'Looking good, Dad.' 'Come on! Jump!' 'I've got a visual. Hold it there.' Target's locked. Firing rescue lines. Come on, guys, hook 'em up. - Hoist away! - Let's haul them out. Commencing reverse thrust. Let's ing 'em home. Look out! Get 'em out fast. That rig's gonna blow. Hang on! 'Sorry, boys. Hold on tight. Here we go.' Come on, Virgil. - 'How you doing, son?' - 'Never better!' 'Thunderbird 1, commence knockdown.' FAB, Thunderbird 2. 'Lining up target.' Fire! Bull's-eye! Outstanding shot. All right, let's take these babies home. 'The fire has been extinguished. 'The rocket fired from Thunderbird 1 has robbed it of the oxygen it needed to burn. 'Amazing! The Thunderbirds have done it again, Chuck!' (Cheering) 'That was great work, Lisa. Thanks a lot.' Ooh, I wish I could be a Thunderbird one day. Thunder turd! That's another good one, diaper boy. Tracy! There's someone here for you. Hello, boys. Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward, at your service. Alan, your father's been unexpectedly detained. He's asked me to pick you up. - Is that all right? - Beats the bus! - Definitely. - Fantastic. Now, will any of these gorgeous young things be joining you? Just Fermat. Quite right. Lady Penelope, are you on a mission for my father? Alan, shh! I am an undercover agent, so please try to be discreet. Here we are. - Hi, Parker. - Good afternoon, Master Hackenbacker. Hi, Nosy. Less of that, or I shall be obliged to deliver the Parker Haymaker. OK, ing it on, big guy. - Try not to run over any children, Parker. - Very good, milady. Come on, Parker, chop chop! (Alan) All right! (Fermat) Whoa! Yes! Yeah! Oh, look, Parker. Pink is the new black this season. - I'm very glad to hear it, milady. - And hemlines are going up. That is good news, milady. - And England won the football last night. - Yes! Eng-er-land! Calm down, Parker. Yes, milady. Sorry, milady. Come on, baby. Out you jump. Wait till your father hears about this, panhead! Aliens! Even better! It's the Thunderbirds! OK, lock it up. Let's go. Let's move it. We need some help over here. Mission complete. Thunderbird 1, we are good to go. FAB. 'Tracking device activated.' Ah, the chariot of the gods! Having dallied with the mortals, they return to Olympus. And so I follow. Pardon me, milady. Approaching Tracy lsland. And radar indicates we have some company. Now, that's showing off. I wish that was me. Flight checks, Mr Tracy. Anything I sh...sh... Anything you want to tell me? Brains, a build-up of vi ation, followed by illumination of the number 5 engine outlight. OK, Mr Tracy, I'll ch...ch... study the flight data and guidance processor. - Dad! - Alan! - Dinner's ready. Come and get it. - It smells delicious. I am starved. I saw the mission on TV. It looked dangerous. Saving lives is a dangerous business. But it's what we do. Was the fire causing thermal updraughts? Enough shop talk. I want to hear about school. School's boring. Maybe I could be home-educated now. That way, I could sit in on missions. - What do you think? - No short cuts, Alan. No school, no rockets. Why aren't you wearing your retainer? So the wind is blowing 60 knots, right up my keister. Did you readjust the flaps? Of course! It's not my first day in a Thunderbird. - Keep up! - Don't you have homework? Unless he's blown up this school, like the last one! - Keep Alan away from the ships. - That's enough. Pass the salad. - I haven't seen that much fire since Fiji. - That was lstanbul. - lstanbul was the earthquake. - Nothing compares to Argentina. Dad, I'm not really hungry. - Come on, Fermat. Let's go. - But... I'm not done! - Come on. - OK. Kyrano, have you seen Lady P? - By the pool. - Of course. (Thunderbirds theme ringtone) Parker. - We're not supposed to go in there. - You worry too much. Where'd you get the access code? Fermat, my friend, what you don't know can't hurt you. I'll be right there. - The fire at the rig was no accident. - Any suspects? - Not yet. - Thanks for inging Alan home. My pleasure. Any excuse to visit paradise. - Tintin! - Hey, Mr Tracy. - Hello, Tintin. - Lady Penelope. - Did you know Alan's home? - Alan's back? I mean, oh, Alan's back! Hey, Dad. When are those two going to get along? When Tintin decides to. Girls are always ahead of boys at that sort of thing. - What sort of thing? - Romance. - Alan and Tintin? I didn't see that one coming. - No, you wouldn't. - Have a safe flight home, Penny. - Thanks, Jeff. OK, Fermat. Run pre-flight checks. Right. Hydraulic systems - are green. - Commence main engine sequence. FAB, Alan. Couldn't hurt to just fire up the instruments. No way, Alan! - Wrong switch! - 'Warning. Engine sequence: each. 'Warning. Engine sequence: each.' (Beeping) - Could this day get any worse? - 'Alan, my office. Now.' It just did. - I can't believe it. - We're so busted. - Look at this. - What is it? Looks like some sort of... gallium-electrolyte compound. Gotta get out of here. Dad, I know I shouldn't have been in the ship, but... - You're damn right you shouldn't! - But I had it under control. Under control? Do you have any idea of the importance of secrecy in our operation? You fired up without the anti-detection shield. You put everyone in danger when you act selfishly. You want to be part of the team, you play by the rules. Understand? - Do you? - Yeah, I understand. You don't want me to be a Thunderbird. You don't want me to do anything. You won't even listen to me! I've heard enough. You're grounded for the rest of spring eak. - But, Dad! - Bottom line, Alan. You need to grow up. Then let me. Please! (Bleeping) Hey, John. I was just about to turn in. What can I do for you? 'l could use a pizza. You know a place that delivers?' '30 minutes or it's free, right? Anything else on your mind?' Got a forest fire in Vladivostok, a typhoon heading for Singapore. - What's happening on Planet Tracy? - Alan's home for spring eak. Yeah. I thought I could see a storm ewing. - 'Teenagers!' - We've all been there. Dad, you've done a great job since Mom died. Thanks, John. Keep an eye on that typhoon for us. - 'I'll call Vladivostok, see if they need help.' - FAB, Dad. Sleep tight. - Morning, Dad. - Hey, son. There's something I'd like to sh...sh... Here, take a look. - The neural-net control system? - It's great to have you back. I bet you didn't think spring eak was going to be this w...w...fun. Watch this. And that tiny phone lifts up... Perfect. Dad? - N...n... Almost perfect. - There's something I want to talk to you about. Oh. Right. Oh. OK, right. Are you having problems with a g...g...whoo...female? N-no! No! Alan and I found a gallium compound on the nose cone of Thunderbird 1. We should check that out strai... immediately. That'd be g...g...swell! The island is in sight. - Transom, I need you. - Yes, sir. Sir, our cloaking device has evaded their detection systems. We have a positive visual from the tracking solution on Thunderbird 1. - Mullion? - Sir? Sir, armed and ready. Shall I target the main structure? Why would I want to destroy what will soon be mine? A tenet of Eastern martial arts is to use your opponent's strength against him. This is ridiculous. It will be impossible to force the Thunderbirds to leave their island. On the other hand, it requires no effort at all to let them go. The Thunderbirds' purpose is to rescue. All we need do is give them the victim. - Commence targeting. - Straightaway, sir. Target acquisition of Thunderbird 5 is locked. Fire. (Alarm beeping) - 'Red Alert.' - What the...? 'lmpact imminent.' Thunderbird 5 to Tracy lsland. Mayday! Mayday! 'Red alert! 'Red alert! 'Red alert!' Switching to Command and Control Centre. How bad, Brains? Thunderbird 5, major damage sustained. Possible m...m... Possible strike by m... - Meteor? - Yeah. Thunderbirds are go. - Check retros. - Go. 'Guidance systems: green.' 'Go to maximum thrust.' There goes the cavalry. But who will rescue the rescuers? Alan! Tintin! Thunderbird 5 has been hit! - Thunderbird 5 has been hit! - OK, OK, OK, don't panic. Don't panic. (Bubbling) On the other hand... Run! - We made land. - Cut them off. Activating communications blackout. 'Warning. Intruder alert. Communications failure.' What the he...devil is going on? 'Warning. Intruder alert.' - Mr Tracy, do you copy? - 'lntruder alert.' Thunderbird 3, please respond. How'd they find the island? Was it what I did in Thunderbird 1? Did I ruin everything? No. That compound we found could have a transmitting capability. - We have to do something. - My dad's in the control room. - How do we get there now? - The vents. Let's go! We have to get a message to my dad. I'm losing all power. Repeat, I'm losing all power. Hold on, John. We're coming in. - 'Gordon, prepare for docking.' - 'You got it, Dad.' Reverse main thrusters on my mark. Three, two, one... - Easy. Watch the roll. - Roll index angle minus two degrees. 'lnitiate docking sequence.' - We're locked on. - 'Docking sequence complete.' - Tunnel hatch secured. - Let's move! - 'Airlock pressure equalised.' - We're in. Let's go! John! Scott, tackle that fire. - Am I glad to see you guys! - Easy, you're hurt. Virgil, take care of your other. Gordon, give me a damage assessment. Come on, hurry! (Electronic whining) One-inch steel plate, with sequential titanium locking mechanism. - (Bones click) - I love a challenge. Watch out for the guards. Get in, get in. - (Whistles nervously) - (Muffled banging) Who-o-o-o...? - What's going on? - So, this is Mount Olympus. And these are the Thunderbirds. I should have guessed. Jeff Tracy, the billionaire ex-astronaut. Of course. Isn't he the one who lost his wife in an accident? Avalanche, wasn't it? How tragic. - Just keep going straight ahead. - OK. Professor Hackenbacker? We met at last year's international conference on nanotechnology. I thought your thesis on neutrinos was extremely... stimulating. Transom, concentrate! Sorry, sir. The command control switch is here. Fingerprint recognition system. Professor. Please. Activate the control switch. N-n-n-n... You must be kidding. We share an interest in the science of the mind. The difference is, I was born with my powers. I tell you, you've barely touched the surface. Even the strongest minds can be oken. We can eak yours. Fu... Fu... No way! Activate the control switch, Prof! Like a puppet on a string! (The Hood laughing evilly) 'Activating Command and Control. 'Activating Command and Control.' - We have control. - Get up. Sorry, Professor. Nothing personal. (Buzzing) - We got a warning light on our EPS system. - Attempt manual override. No, that's negative! - That's it. - OK, this one. Back to Thunderbird 3 now. - John, we gotta move. - The locking mechanism's jammed. 'Attention, Thunderbird 5. I have taken over your facilities. 'You no longer control your operational systems.' (Alan) They've taken over. - Warm them up, Transom. - lncreasing temperature to maximum. Who's the bald freak? You? Dad! They've got my dad. OK, you have our attention. Who are you? What do you want? How rude of me. You can call me The Hood. Now, listen, Mr Tracy. We won't be negotiating. I'm going to use the Thunderbirds to rob banks, starting with the Bank of London. The money system will be in chaos and the Thunderbirds held responsible. - You'll never succeed! - Why the Thunderbirds? - An eye for an eye. - 'An eye for an eye?' Perhaps you've forgotten me, but you remember saving my other, Kyrano? 'I'm sorry, Mr Tracy. I thought he was dead.' - Take them away. - Yes, sir. That makes The Hood my uncle? Every family has a black sh...sh... (Resounding sneeze) This room's murder with my allergies. You left me to die that day. You may have oken my body but you've no idea how powerful my mind has become. Now you will suffer, as I suffered, waiting for a rescue that will never come. 'Wait!' - Scott, status report. - CO2 levels are rising. Wire the oxygen scrubber to the batteries. Clean the air. - How long will that give us? - About four hours. (Gasping) (Muffled sneezing) Someone's there. - (Fermat gasping) - Come on. Aaargh! Aaaargh! - Run, run! - No, jump. We can get through to the silos. Apparently, the island is not as secure as you thought. Children! Did you find any children? Here they are. Thunderbird 2 silo, in the loading arm. Seal them in. Hold on! The doors! You guys, let's go! Go! Go! This way. - No! - They've got us trapped. What now? If we can get to the Thunderbird 1 silo, we can escape through the service tunnel. But we need a plan, Alan. - I'll use the Thunderizer on the door. - 'Elevator, active.' - Get the goons with the Firefly! - Alan! It's only to be used in an emergency. - I guess this qualifies. - Yeah. Here they come. - Fermat, can you drive this thing? - Uh, no. - Hey, watch it! - I took microbiology, not driver's ed. - Set the pressure to maximum. - Got it. Retreat! Let's move it. That's it. Time to thunderize. Yes! Come on, let's go! Get 'em! - Where's Fermat? - Fermat! - Coming! - Hurry up. - What were you doing back there, Fermat? - I had an idea. Try and keep up, OK? I'll open the tunnel. We gotta keep moving. - 'Access denied.' - Go back. Yell when you see them coming. 'Access denied.' Alan. You can run if you want. Were you surprised to hear what your father did to me? It is frightening when we realise our parents aren't perfect. But perhaps you already suspected that about your father. Why did he build these magnificent machines? Do you suppose it was guilt? Because he let your mother die. Open the door, Alan. Open...the...door. We can't go this way. He's there. No! What are we going to do, Alan? I don't know. I'm thinking, OK? Keep backing up. I've got an idea. - That's your idea? - It's not me you're angry at, Alan. It's not you I'm aiming at. Get them! Transom, fire up Thunderbird 1. And set to oil! (Screaming) (Screaming) - No sign of them. - The little ats went up like firecrackers. Pop, pop, pop! Don't give him the satisfaction, Professor. This is taking too long. Pick out the equipment you need and load it into Thunderbird 2. - No more delays. - Yes, sir. (Coughing and spluttering) - Can you warn us next time you do that? - Relax, Fermat. It's just a little water. I could have drowned. - You mean you can't swim? - I repeat, I could have drowned. I said I was sorry, Fermat. Just put this behind us, OK? We gotta watch each other's backs. - Nice drawers. - Thank you. Boo! No, Tintin, stay there. You're worse than girls. Hurry up and get dressed. Those are nice drawers! (Fermat) Data from Tracy lsland is sent to Thunderbird 5 via satellite, right? There's a miniscule possibility that if we reach the satellite station, we could... - Blow it up! - No, hack in to it and give control back to Thunderbird 5. Good thinking, Fermat. Let's do it. Here's the plan. We're here. We go along the shore to the access road, here. Then up to the transmitter. What do you think? Good. Except that we're here, not there, and the transmitter is there, not here. We have to go through the jungle. But that's f...f...off limits. - It's gonna be dangerous. - I'm in. We gotta get up there fast! Our folks are in trouble and if The Hood gets off the island... He's not going anywhere. The guidance processor for Thunderbird 2. He can't take off without it. - How'd you get this? - Alan, what you don't know can't hurt you. (Car phone bleeping) - 'Parker?' - Milady? 'We have an emergency.' - What a charming fellow. - (Knocking on door) Come in. Have a look at this, Parker. He, and this woman, poor girl, both work for this man, known as The Hood. - Sounds like an alias, milady. - Quite right, Parker. Real name: Trangh Belagant. Assumed dead when his illegal diamond mine collapsed in Malaya. Oh, perfect, Parker. The Thunderbirds rescued over 500 mine workers, including Mr Belagant's other. Milady, that's Mr Tracy's loyal manservant, Kyrano. How's my schedule, Parker? You have clay pigeon shooting with Lord Marlborough, a benefit gala for the lnstitute of the Blind, and there's a typhoon bearing down on Singapore. - I suppose that's urgent. - Yes, milady. A idge collapsed in Buenos Aires and a volcanic eruption in Jakarta. - The Thunderbirds haven't responded? - No, milady. The media is awash in speculation vis-a-vis their whereabouts. 'Over to Lisa Lowe.' Disaster after disaster around the world today and still no sign of the Thunderbirds. Typhoon Jago hit Singapore just one hour ago and thousands have been left homeless by a volcano in Jakarta. 'Only the Thunderbirds have the machines...' - It's time to send the emergency signal. - I fear you're not wrong, milady. 'Lisa Lowe. Back to you, Chuck.' (Beeping) (Beeping) I'm telling you, Fermat, it was like The Hood was inside my head back there. What do you mean, Alan? Maybe he can read minds or control minds or something. Don't be silly, Alan. Everything can be explained by science. I'm just figuring out his weakness. Everybody has an Achilles heel. My Achilles heel is actually my Achilles heel. It's got a blister the size of a basketball. Tintin! - Can we...s...s... - Stop? No. OK. No more cheeseburgers for you, Fermat. - Any word? - Nothing, milady. Right. Tell Lord Marlborough that I've oken my shooting arm. Send the lnstitute for the Blind a dozen guide dogs. - And ing the car around. - Yes, milady. The Thunderbirds appear to be in a spot of trouble. And I don't like that. Let's go, Parker. - Ready. We'll use this to get into the vaults. - Subtle, as usual, Mullion. I didn't realise we'd be getting points for style. We're robbing banks, remember. Don't worry. You'll get your money. Transom, initiate pre-flight diagnostics. (Machinery whirring) - What's going on? - 'Guidance processor error.' - It's the guidance processor. - What's wrong with it? - There isn't one. - Aaargh! Clever Alan. It's the children. They have it. No way. They're dead. No one could live through something like that. I did. Get them, Mullion. Take whatever you need. Make sure you get the guidance processor before you lose your temper. Alan, don't you think Tintin is blossoming? Blossoming? What's that supposed to mean? Come on, Alan. You've a crush on her. You've got to be kidding. I mean, she's... She's not that bad, I guess. OK, guys, take five. Five isn't going to do it! - Guys? - (Puffing and panting) Don't move. - What is it? - Scorpion. - Is that dangerous? - 0.025 milligrams of its venom is fatal. So, dangerous is an understatement. Watch out! - Tintin, what was that? - Let's go. Hey! She has the same powers as her uncle, The Hood. - You think? - Must run in the family. - Did you do that? - Just drop it, OK? Still think everything can be explained by science? Not girls! - Scott? Gordon? You all right? - We're OK. - The heat exchanger has blown. - You don't say! Come on! Those ats are in here somewhere. - How are you doing? - This is very delicate equipment. Which is now... oken. Can you fix it? Maybe, but I'll need something to solder with. We're in the middle of nowhere. Where are you going to find something like that? What? Aaaaargh! Ow! Perfect. - Gee, I never figured you for a crybaby. - I'm gonna kill you. - What did he say? - I think it was some sort of apology. I got it, yes! You're the man, Fermat! OK... First, we have to establish contact with Thunderbird 5. - 'Dad?' - It's Alan! - Alan, where are you? - 'I'm at the satellite relay station.' Fermat's gonna hack in to give control back to you. - 'We're standing by.' - We're almost there. (Gasps) Goodness me, Professor. You're so good-looking without your glasses on. I think you may find that's another thing we have in common. Pretty? - (Alarm sounding) - 'Unauthorised transmission!' That's not fair. Just when things were starting to sizzle. 'Unauthorised transmission!' A burst of transmission from the island satellite station. Should I jam it? And give Mullion the coordinates. 'Take the main track southeast, then head up Satellite Hill.' They're onto us! We're being jammed! - Can you finish? - I'll try. - 'Alan, what's happening?' - Hang in there. It won't work. The signal's too weak for data transmission. 'Dad, they're jamming the signal. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.' That's a negative! It's too dangerous. Follow emergency procedure. Wait for Lady Penelope at the rendezvous point. Got that? - Dad! - We're losing you. 'Dad!' - No! - Useless! It is now. I'm sorry, Alan. This is hard on all of us. No, it's OK. I'm fine. You don't have to be such a tough guy. I worry about my dad too. I'd do anything to be with my parents right now. But The Hood knows we're alive now. We have to go. - Even worse, they know exactly... - (Tyres screeching) ..where we are! Come on! Aaaaargh! Aaaargh! - Great. More water. - Tintin, can you slow 'em down? - I'd be delighted. - Do it. Meet us at the junk yard. Come on, Fermat. This'll get us out of here. There! Come on! (Buzzing) Straight ahead. Aaaargh! - It's gonna make this thing hard to control. - No problem. You really must be careful not to exceed four bars of pressure... - I said no problem. - Guys, we've got to get out of here. - What is this? - A hoversled. Our ticket out, unless you've got a better idea. Let's wait for Lady Penelope, like your dad said. Great plan. Let's sit and wait to get caught. I say we do something. Now! Right, Fermat? Actually, I agree with Tintin. I don't think this is s...s...safe. You don't think anything is s...s...safe. Just because I s...s...stutter doesn't mean that I'm wrong. If we're a team, we should make decisions as a team. Do you want to sit here and take a vote? Or do you want to get out of here? Cos I'm going. You can be a real jerk sometimes. (Shrieking) Go! Go! Help! Oh, no! Come on! Faster! Alan! You're going too fast! I need more speed to get above the trees. Hang on! Ugh! What did I tell you guys? Oh, no... (Fermat) What are you doing? Oh, no! Not the fridge! - Tintin! - Son... - Are you OK? - I'm fine, Dad. Cool off, kid! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Tracy lsland approaching, milady. Switching to aqua mode. - lsn't life fun, sometimes? - Rib-tickling, milady. What is it? We have an unidentified craft approaching the island at high speed. Lady P. Phew! Somebody roll down a window. It's getting hot in here. Re-entry into Earth's atmosphere in 37 minutes. - Oxygen's out in 30, so we won't feel it. - Stop it! Come on, Dad. The situation's hopeless. No, it's not. We've got people on the ground working for us. Alan? He's just a kid. He's a Tracy. - This doesn't look good, Parker. - No, milady. That bougainvillea is parched, and someone should do something about that hammock. Whom do we have here? Mullion... I must warn you that I know judo, krai magna and tae kwon do. And I know Parker. Milady. Aaaargh! - You've oken my nose. - That was my intention. Oooh! One tries so hard in life to sort things out on an intellectual-slash-conversational level. But sometimes it's just not possible. Ow! Aaaargh! Oof! - Shall I ing the car round, milady? - Parker, have a bit of a lie-down. Excuse me, milady. Ah, Lady Penelope! - He has his palace. Why not his princess? - Flattery will get you nowhere. Ow! Have you any idea what a manicure costs? - Boo! - Ha! Coming through, milady. Eeow! Duck, milady! He's weak. Using his power makes him weak. Aaaaargh! You're formidable. More than a match for most men. That's not saying much, then, is it? Aaaargh! - I suggest you let us pass. - Don't try your parlour games on me. You've committed a serious crime. And in about... four seconds, I'm going to get quite cross with you. How are you, Alan? Ow! I hope you don't think I'm going to chase you. Ow! - Ow! - You can make it stop, Alan. - Ow! - You have something that belongs to me. Really, sir, don't mind me. This isn't the first time my head's been pulverised. And it's never done any real harm before. - Ow! - Stop! Stop! I'll give it to you. Fetch! You made a match of it, Alan, I'll give you that. - Put them with the others. - You're coming with me. Put me down! This outfit is couture. Don't go to sleep. John, look at me. Keep your eyes open. - You need to cool off, lady. - Lady Penelope! Big oaf! Right, that's quite enough losing for one day. So, how does it feel to be right all the time? Not bad, actually. I'm so sorry, Fermat. We make quite a pair. It's hard for me to talk. It's hard for you to listen. Parker, I have an idea. Excellent, milady. - Brains, how long do Jeff and the boys have? - I can't think. I'm too cold. 'Guidance processor installed.' The processor has been installed. Thunderbird 2 is ready for takeoff. 'Begin launch sequence.' - What is our ETA? - Under an hour. Bank of London, here we come! 'Thunderbird 2 preparing for takeoff.' We've got to be quick. The Hood's getting away. - In position, milady. - Here we go. 'Launch sequence, stage two.' Good shot, milady. Come on, Parker. Let's give the bad guys a thrashing! 'Hydraulic systems: green. Guidance systems: green. 'Launch sequence: stage three.' This seems to be a six-lever mortise, milady. - Sometimes your chequered past comes in handy. - Thank you, milady. I shall need a piece of wire to access the mechanism. (Wire twanging) Will this suffice, Parker? Most certainly, milady. - I didn't actually need it, anyway. - Of course not, milady. - Quick! - Everyone get to the control room. Hat. Get in there quick, Fermat, and save my family. Then we'll get The Hood. Good luck! 'Access to mainframe denied.' - They slipped a key into the access codes. - I'll follow your lead, son. Thunderbird 5, come in. Thunderbird 5, come in. - 'How long have they got before re-entry?' - '90 seconds and counting.' 'Access to mainframe confirmed.' - I'm in! - 'Good job, Fermat.' 'l need someone on their end to confirm the access protocol.' Thunderbird 5, come in. - 'Dad, are we coming through?' - 'Mr Tracy, can you hear me? Come in.' 'Thunderbird 5, come in.' - Dad, come on! - Mr Tracy, can you hear me? Come in. - Dad! - Thunderbird 5, come in. - How long have they got? - 45 seconds until re-entry. 'Damn it, Jeff! Wake up!' (Slow beeping) 'That's the first time you've called me by my first name, Brains.' Thanks for waking me. - Dad! - Alan, well done. Mr Tracy, confirm access protocol. Confirmed. We're back online. Gravity is restored. Put Thunderbird... Your craft into geostational orbit. FAB, Brains. - 'Geostationary orbit re-established.' - Looks like we're good to go. - Dad, are you all right? - 'We're fine. We still have a job to do.' - Where's The Hood? - In Thunderbird 2, headed for L...L... - London. - He's got the Mole on board. Looks like Thunderbird 3 lost a booster, Dad. We'll never get there in time. Let me go after The Hood. He'll destroy everything the Thunderbirds stand for. - Negative. It's too risky. - 'l can do this. You know I can.' What am I saying? We can do this. OK, Alan. We'll meet you there. - Thunderbirds are go! - FAB. OK, boys, we are outta here. Are we really going? - Yeah. - Oh, boy! - Are you ready, Fermat? - N... I guess! 'Engine sequence: activated.' Flight controls are green. Hydraulic systems are good. Right. Set primary fuel pumps. Main engine start. Don't boys just love their toys? 'Engine sequence: complete. 'Launch sequence: initiated. 'Launch sequence: complete.' And off we go! Get the idge up! Get the idge up! (Comms bleeping) - Thunderbird 1, come in. - Roger, Brains. - Thunderbird 3 is about to initiate separation. - FAB. Boys, Thunderbird 2 is in final approach to London. I know The Hood's weakness. I can stop him if we're in time. Stand by. We're going to maximum thrust. (All) Whoaaaa! 'Gordon, heat 'em up.' (Screaming) We're getting reports of an incident in London involving the Thunderbirds. Lisa, are you there? Chuck, Thunderbird 2 has made an impromptu landing, causing total panic in Central London. There has been no emergency call, so it's unclear why Thunderbird 2 would be active here at all. Thunderbird 2 seems to be unloading some kind of machine. Set a course for the vault. If we continue on our present course, we'll sever the monorail's supports. Shall I correct our position? - Stay on course. - But we'll cause a major disaster. No, we won't. The Thunderbirds will. - Let's get her down, boys. - lnitiate landing, Fermat. 'Three-point landing sequence: initiated.' Retros at 75, flaps to 1 6. FAB. 'Danger. Landing sequence: error.' - You're going too fast. - Thanks. Retros to 90. Textbook, boys. Activating electromagnetic pulse to disable the bank's security systems. ETA, one minute. - Parker, meet me at the Bank of London. - 'Yes, milady.' Ride it out, boys! - The Hood's getting away. - What are we gonna do, Alan? We're the Thunderbirds. Our duty is to save those people. Brains, we're going into the accident zone. 'FAB, Thunderbird 2, and good luck.' Brains, the monorail is down. Repeat, the monorail is down. I'm going underwater in Thunderbird 4. You have the idge. - Me? Fly alone? - The Thunderbirds need you right now. I need you. FAB, Alan. 'Manual control.' - Brains, what's the situation? - 'The Hood has caused a disaster.' The mono... one-track railway is in the Thames. - Thunderbird 1? - On the ground. - Our kids are in Thunderbird 2. - FAB. We're right behind 'em. - Look at all this gold! - Stay focused. Nine more banks to go. Fermat, deploying Thunderbird 4 in three...two...one... Thunderbird 4 is go. I can see the monorail. Mummy! Don't panic, guys. 'Extending magnetic claw.' Fermat, I'll hold the monorail in place. - Can you get a line on that stanchion? - I can't get a fix on the target. - I might hit the passengers. - I'll go and fix it myself. - Swim? - Get me as close as you can. How are we doing on that line? Just look out your window. Come on, Tintin, come on! Come on. Come on, Tintin. You can do this. Opening the airlock. 'Contact magnets: activated.' - OK, Fermat, we need a lift. - 'FAB, Alan.' Commencing reverse thrust. - That was amazing, Tintin. - Thank you. - 'Nice job, Fermat.' - Nothing to it, really. Easy does it. There they are! (Cheering) - Glad you could join us. - Don't get cocky after one mission. We still have a dangerous situation. Close down this accident scene. Tintin, get Fermat. Meet us at Thunderbird 1. Alan, you come with me. We got to get to the Bank of London fast. - Lady Penelope went after The Hood. - She may need help. Ashes to ashes, diamonds to diamonds. Lady Penelope. What an unpleasant surprise. Don't be rude. I can't tell you what a pleasure it would be to pull this trigger. - Now, don't move! - Mullion. - That's not cricket. - I'm sorry. The only part of sport I ever liked was winning. How ghastly. Hey, Dad. That stuff The Hood said, about you leaving him to die. - He was lying, right? - No. See, you can't save everyone, Alan. It doesn't matter how hard you try or how ave you are. It doesn't matter if it's someone you love, someone you'd give your life to save. You just can't save everyone. What was Mom like? She was a lot like you. Come on, we've got a job to do. - Finish her off, Mullion. - Shame on you. I always despise a man who delegates the important jobs. Oh, dream on, sad act. (Chuckles) - Good timing, Parker. Come with us. - My pleasure, Mr Tracy. The Thunderbirds. They're here. Kill them all. Alan, stay with Parker. I'm gonna find Lady Penelope. But what about The Hood? Look out, Parker! Master Tracy! - Look out, Parker! - That's enough of that. Don't move. - Go on, then. - No, sorry. I can't hit a lady. Allow me. I've been waiting to get my hands on you ats. And I've been waiting to get my hands on you. Aaaargh! - Now, that was a punch. - Parker, can we wrap this up? What did you have in mind, Master Hackenbacker? Strategically speaking, the best odds of success lie with the Parker Haymaker. I concur. - Penny! - Jeff, no! Did you save them all this time, Jeff? - Or did you leave someone behind? - I didn't make you what you are. It's not me you have to convince. - Leave my son out... - Dad! Dad! Dad! I'm disappointed in you, Alan. - I thought we were kindred spirits. - Well, we're not. - I'm Jeff Tracy's son. - You certainly are. Alan! Come here, you little minx! Ow! Bye-bye. Alan, stay back. You want so desperately to walk in Daddy's footsteps. - Let him go. - Did you really think you could challenge me? - Let him go, please. - Let him go. Please. Let him go. Alan! Are you all right? Alan, get out. Run! He's getting weaker. He can't last much longer. Neither can you! Alan, no! Look out! Alan! I'm glad you could be here to see this, Jeff. Aaaargh! Goodbye, Alan! Aaaaaargh! Stop! Oh! Leave me, Alan. Leave me to die. Like your father did. I don't want to save your life. But it's what we do. See you soon, Jeff. Now, that was definitely showing off. - Hey, Scott. - Get him! - What does he put in these margaritas? - It's a Tracy secret. That's my boy! One more week and you'll be swimming like a f...f...f... D...d...d... Sha...sha...sha... Aquatic creature. - Good job, Fermat. - So, what do you think? He's getting there. Whoa, Tintin! You're just really, um, blossoming. Eugh! Did you say blossoming? (Triangle ringing) Gather round. I have an announcement to make. Tonight is a special night. We're all together because of three very special people. Fermat, Tintin, Alan. The world needs Thunderbirds and the Thunderbirds need you. - Mr Tracy! - Thank you, sir. Congratulations, Alan. No short cuts. You earned it. You all did. I'm not an emotional man, but sometimes even the toughest nut must crack. - Way to go, sprout! - That's my boy, Alan! (Thunderbirds ringtone) Yes, Madam President. I see. Of course, straightaway. Boys. Sorry, Penny. Duty calls. Of course it does. And quite right too. Thunderbirds are go! Fast as you can, Parker. Certainly, milady. ( Thunderbirds Are Go) Spring eak's come around And there's no heroes to be found There's something major going down On Tracy lsland lsland Weapons underground Keeping our planet safe and sound If someone evil's coming round They should be frightened Frightened Cos now the boys are back in town No strings to hold them down Down Don't be mad, please stop the hating Just be glad that they'll be waiting Friends we have aren't ever changing You know the lid's about to blow When the Thunderbirds are go Kids are learning fast They know the team has kicked some ass Be sure that there's no coming last If you're on their side Their side It always looks so cool When space ships come out of the pool You know that you'd just be a fool To be a bad guy Bad guy Cos now the boys are back in town No strings to hold them down Down Don't be mad, please stop the hating Just be glad that they'll be waiting Friends we have aren't ever changing You know the lid's about to blow When the Thunderbirds are go Thunderbirds are go, go, go, go Go, go, go, go... Don't be mad, please stop the hating Just be glad that they'll be waiting Friends we have aren't ever changing You know the lid's about to blow When the Thunderbirds are go Thunderbirds are go Thunderbirds are go Thunderbirds are go Thunderbirds are go Thunderbirds are go Thunderbirds are Thunderbirds are Thunderbirds are go

Can you see better if I move it a little closer? I can see something. It's parts of the grid, but it's still rotating. It's not locking up. Maybe we all need a little eak, Lillian. Hal, you take a eak. Michael, we're almost there. How's that? It's better, but it's all scrambled. - How's that? - It's better. How's the synch? Plus-25. Better? I can sort of make out part of the grid, but it's... I don't know. Maybe something's wrong with the grid. Hal, kill the grid. And, Gordy, take a look around the lab. Oh, this is weird. Try something else. How's that? It's an image of the lab, but it's rotating. It's all out of phase. I think I've got it. Gordy, go back to the grid for a second. A little more phase compensator. Up the synch signal. What do you see, angel? Clockwise rotation. It's still all scrambled. Okay, just a little more. Hold it a second. I think I got it. Hey, there it is! You got it. Okay, Hal, let's slate it. Gordy, follow Hal around with the slate. Hal, get the slate in there. I got it. Hold it one minute. Okay. Slate it. We've got speed. Test, October 11th, 10:41 p.m. Mark. To the kitchen. Good idea. Let's eat. Lou, what do you got for me? Here you go, Gordy. Everything you said. - Slating. - It's all bad. Hot and cold... ...sweet and sour... ...chewy and melt-in-your-mouth bad! Let's try something exotic. You name it, Gordy. A little steak. A little steak comin' up. Peanut butter. Peanut butter. Hot fudge! Hot fudge? A few nuts. And some marshmallow sauce. Marshmallow sauce. And put a cherry on top. Man, marshmallow and cherry on steak? What in the world have you been drinkin'? What's he been smokin'? Hey, spaceman, welcome back to the planet Earth. What you see before you is the latest fashion in full sensory gratification. - Now, come on, give us a kiss. - No. - Come on. - No! Come on, let's go back to work. - Gordy, go on! - For science. Gordy, try to contain yourself. This is a test. Andrea, give us a 90 DBF in sine wave, please. Okay, I'm ready. Slate. Gordy, this is not on our itinerary. Just a few seconds. I think I got an idea. Well, hi, Hal. How are you? What are you guys up to, anyway? Just wanna see my old buddy, Lena. How are you, Lena, honey? Lena, I know what it's like to be guinea pig. Is her output on standard interface? Regular plug. I don't know... Perfect mate for Dr. Brace. I don't know if that's such a good idea. - That's not so funny, Gordy. - Come in, Lena. What did you do? Nothing. Just a little experiment in animal behavior. There's something wrong with you. You know that? You didn't like Lena. - What happened? - Nothing. So? I'm telling you, it works! The tests? Sound, taste...? Everything, everything. One hundred percent. In fact, better. Well, what did you taste? Steak, overdone. Right? Peanut butter, hot fudge sauce, slight orange flavor. - Disgusting. - Nuts? Walnuts. I hate them. That's it? Marshmallow... - Cherry on the top. - That's it man! How do you feel now? I feel like a glass of champagne. Get some glasses. Congratulations. What's this? One lousy beer. I would like to make a toast. To the one who never gives up... ...Lillian Reynolds... ...E.E., M.D., Ph. D... ...B.M. T... ...B.V.D., R.S.V.P., C.O.D. My friend. Cheers. Cheers. 'Night. Hi, Dad. Hi, Mike. You worked late. Did you have a good day? Hello, Barry. Success. We made it. Talented man, your husband. Impossible at times, but talented. What do you think? Can you handle it? Yes, I think I can. I think I can get it down to size... ...and make it look attractive. Maybe something like... ...stereo headphones. Oh, I'm not worried about that. I know you can. It's Michael. You're gonna have to work very closely with him. Is that a problem? No. - That won't be any problem. - Good. Not for me. Hal, I'm gonna kill you after this. Lillian, you don't understand. It's part of my... - What are you upset about? - It's gonna be slow and agonizing. It's not part of your job. I know what you wanted to do. You wanted to grease yourself with the boss. I did not. Why don't you wait and see what he has to say? Why don't you grow up! Be careful. I hate this junk! Hello, Michael. Good to see you. - Lillian. - Hi, Alex. How are you? Well, won't you sit down? Well... ...congratulations. For what? Hal said you had a eakthrough. Well, Hal's crazy. Did you have a eakthrough or not? Yes. Alex, dear, it was just another test. A little better, but still crude. What's the big problem? The superconductors have to be chilled to 270 below to work. The whole thing is too big and heavy. Your hotshots, Evans and Wetmore, failed on that one year after year. Courtesy, Evans-Wetmore. It's a superconducting chip. No cooling needed. When did they do this? You need it... ...it's yours. Keep it quiet. Data processing division will go right through the roof... ...with the high-speed computer applications of that thing. Karen has expressed enthusiasm to help us market it and package it. Alex, I think you're moving too fast. You haven't even seen it yet. There's more to it than just practical applications... ...and packaging. Lillian... ...I know you can do it. I know you can do it. I'd like a demonstration. I want you... ...to knock my socks off. Okay? Good! And thanks. Don't lose that. You did it again, Alex. Thank you. Any problem working with Karen? No. Not for me. Thanks, Mike. I told you to get out of the pool. He pays no attention. I'll get him, honey. Hurry up! Dr. Brace, I'd like to introduce Dr. Harris and Dr. Bock. Call me Ted. You saw the house before. Yeah, yeah, we're sold. We just want to get all the details. - We signed all the papers today. - Good. - That's for you. - Hey, Dad, is that it? - That's what you wanted. - All right. You got the right one. Say thank you. As you can see... ...this is a very special house. I spent a lot of time to get it right. Why don't you show them the secret closet? Good idea. Right this way. The house is wonderful. Ted loves all the special things you've done. Do you like them? No. - It's theirs now. - I know. I can't stay here now. Oh, well, that's okay. I can... ...take care of all the packing and stuff. - You sure? - Sure. It's a lot to do. Do you have cardboard boxes? Yes, I have cardboard boxes. I can take care of it all. Don't worry. You could go live over at the center. Lillian's there. This is Flight Simulation Lab Control. Sold your house yet? Yep. I keep telling you the rooms at the center are so cheap. I know. At 9:38 p.m. pilot Gordon Forbes is performing a low-level simulated assault. 100 yards and closing. Ninety-five. Ninety. Simulated altitude, 60 feet. Ground speed, 512 knots. Assault range, 85. Eighty. It's not worth it, Gordy! Don't do it! Pilot Forbes, you're... ...off of the simulation. Sweet target in sight. Dr. Reynolds, Dr. Brace... ...your pilot has lost control. Ready. - Helmet's on? - Yeah. Contact. Okay, let's get in. How's that? Okay. Give me the seat belts. Okay, Gordy. Hit it. Great gas pedal. Let's go! Come on, Gordy! Yeah, I'm comin'. Wait a minute. Tallyho! Here we go! - I'm gonna die. I'm freezing! - You're gonna make history! - It's a little chilly. It's gonna be great! - I don't wanna go! It's too cold! Come on. One more time for science. It's gonna rain, Gordy. Let's go home! - Too cold. It's not even... - Come on, come on. We're gonna do it. Come on, get in. Nobody is gonna put a thing like that on their head. It's gotta be pared down to the absolute essentials. Just enough to house the sensors. You know, it can't look intimidating. What do I care what it looks like! Put a chip here... ...another here... ...here... ...an op. Amp, spread flat across. That's all. Just do it. - Put the rest of the stuff remote. - Sure. How's that? It's good. Good night, all. Don't fall! Hang on, Gordy! Come on, Gordy! Way to go! Oh, God! That's remarkable. A true, one-of-a-kind scientific eakthrough. Oh, God! Wonderful! We'll have to tell the division heads. And Karen, you think we can modify it and simplify it even a little more? - Yes. That's already in the works. - Good. We'll need to make a demo tape. We want to show the potential... ...for travel and education and news. Can we do it in the conference room? We could pump right through the phone. Excellent. And thank you all. You've blown communication... ...as we've known it, right out of the water. You know that, don't you? And I'm very proud of all of you. You blew my socks off! I think he likes it. All right! It's great. Really? It's great. Good. I'm glad you like it. You know... ...we never worked together before. I always tried to avoid that, you know. Sorry about that, ladies. - Here you go. - Thank you. Well? So tell me about it. It's the damnedest thing I've ever felt. Knocked my socks off. What was it like? Like you were there. Taste, smell, everything. Incredible. I even feel like I just ate. What about military applications? It's wide open. Missile guidance? That kind of thing? Jim, they're gonna be able to plug right into the old noodle. - This is for us? - Just us. Just you, just me. Just for us. - Congratulations, you guys. - Thank you. This is great. I've never had so many people want to talk to me before in my life. That's cause you're famous. Oh, God! You love it! I do. You're good-lookin', too. Hey, get me a light, will ya? - Can I borrow that? - Sure. Here. You smoke too much. I know I do. - How you doin'? - We're doing fine. Listen, I've got some people I want you to meet... upstairs in a few minutes, okay? You're my stars. I want to show you off. I'll have Hal come back and get you. Don't disappoint me. A few people upstairs. That's it. That's it! - Barry, I'd love some more white wine. - Sure. I'll call you tomorrow, Wendy. - You look nice. - Thank you. Thanks. Why do you still see him? Because he's a perfectly wonderful, thoughtful, uncreative guy. Congratulations, Michael. You must be proud to be married to such a illiant man. - Thank you. - Thank you. He never spoke to me before. It's good to see you enjoying yourself so much. For you. I'll see you later, upstairs. This is the result of teamwork, gentlemen. A group of... ... illiant, creative scientists cocoon for ten years in a laboratory without... ...outside intervention. My job has been to protect that environment. That lab is sacred ground. And, with due respect to you all... ...I don't want to muddy it with any boots from outside, military or civilian. That's all very well, Dr. Terson, but we paid for that cocoon. I think we have every right to know what goes on. I accept that responsibility, sir. I'm not talking about a military or civilian potential now. I am talking about a eakthrough. A communications eakthrough. Words don't do it. Pictures don't do it. This... ...might be the beginning. But you've got to let my people eathe. You've got to... Well, here they are. Lillian, good to see you again. I didn't see you downstairs, Colonel. Well, we all just got in and we can only stay a few minutes. Captain Barty. Mr. Zimbach. Colonel Easter ook. - And Landon Marks. - It's a real, real pleasure, Dr. Reynolds. - Do I know you? - Yes. Cal Tech. '56. I wanted you all to get to know each other. Dr. Reynolds, of course. Karen Brace... ...Dr. Brace. And Mr. A amson. We're tremendously enthusiastic about your recent eakthrough. Yes. We've been working on an array system ourselves... ...but with slow progress. That's understandable. Of course, we've been looking at the application... ...from a different point of view. What point of view is that, Colonel? Blowing people to kingdom come? Lillian, I think we can let the colonel express his opinion. Not everything in the military is blowing people up. We're interested in tapping in to higher ain functions: Thoughts, emotions, that kind of thing. Now I remember you. We're working on that, too. Shut up, Michael. You don't know what's going on, do you? Why don't we all have a drink? - I don't get it. - No, you don't. Excuse me. Lillian, I don't think Dr. Marks's presence will be a detriment to the project. Alex, I'm sorry. No. I have to say no. Dr. Reynolds, for your own sake, I'd like to help you complete your records. A woman of your stature can't just sloppily jot down... Alex, please. You promised you wouldn't do this. He's a spy for the Feds. The Feds, as you call it, are here to protect the American public... ...from potentially dangerous research. Alex, no! No! I want you to understand, Dr. Reynolds, that my function is not to be a spy. I do have a certain expertise. Listen, you were a hack at Stanford and a hack at Bell! He's on your team. Why? - He is on your team! - No! - Lillian, goddamn it, the man just wants... - Alex! Don't goddamn me, sweetheart. - Just don't goddamn me! - Come on. And don't take my project! This is my project! And I don't want to see it end up on some Defense scrap heap... ...before we know what it's really about! You have no idea! Well... I'm sorry. You're gonna spoil the whole thing! - You're so stupid! - I want to tell you something! I don't like the way you treat me in front of these people! You keep calling this thing mine. I've been standing next to you from the start. It's mine, too. So don't do that! - You don't get it! - Lillian? - Keep him out. Keep him out! - Go! Lillian, I have tried to keep those people off your back, but you've got... What is it? - Are you okay? - I'm fine. I'll be fine. You look bad. Thanks. You want a doctor? I am a doctor! What's going on? Are you crazy? This is the ladies' room. It's the ladies' room! Can I help you? It makes me sick when I lose my temper. - Here she is. - I don't want that thing, Gordy. Hal, I can't believe that you didn't know about it. Everybody at this party played it. Now, you don't want to get left behind, Hal. This is hot! No. It sure beats dirty magazines. Yeah, thank you, Gordy. Enjoy yourself. Yeah, sure. You're crazy! Come on, let's do it! - Let's do it for science, baby. - I don't trust you. I won't do it in here. Anybody can come in. Lillian won't be back tonight. I promise. She won't be back. - You promise? - Come on, I promise. Come on, babe. All right. Are these real? I hope so. This is it. What do you call this? We call it the Hat. What do you do with it? Put it on your head. Come on, Chris. Hands off. What's it for? With a thing like that, you could finish the seventh grade in five minutes. Okay. Start it up. Not today. What's that? I don't know. Scan synch's on. You got that? Interlock's open. Okay. It's hot off the mold. Take a look. Looks great. Sit, please. Looks great. Sit, please. Now just empty your head. Empty my head? Relax. Empty my head and relax. Just lean back and forget everything. It'll be okay. That's good. It's hot off the mold. Take a look. Relax. You can take the house, the kid, the car, the whole goddamn thing! I don't want anything. I'll live in a hotel. What about my work? I can't live like this, Karen. Go. Why don't you just go? Take the house, take the car! I'll go to a hotel! I can't live like this, Karen! You're strangling me! What are you talking about, you can't live like this? Are you talking about the house? I never wanted it. - It was you! - No, no. It's you! That's not me you're looking at. It's you! Can you describe what you were feeling? I don't know. I got mad... ...at you. What were you thinking? You mean when you were recording my thoughts? Yeah. I was thinking about my new design. But he always ignores me and it just... ...made me furious. Feelings. It's hot off the mold. Take a look. - You're so selfish! You're arrogant! - You're strangling me! I want to ride my bike. Big deal. You take him. His pants are full. You could put flowers all around it. I don't know what you're so upset about. Let's do the twist. You are a genius. I made that for you. It's a gift. What is it? It's me. You may kiss the ide. That's where they flew. But what made them come here? It's the wind. The wind? It's constant here. He took off from the bottom of that hill. And the first flight was... ...less than the wingspan of a modern jet. And I want to tell you something. He was scared to death. I'm crazy about you! It's a secret. That's the girl I'm gonna marry. We blew it, didn't we? We sure did. - I didn't... - I didn't understand. Nothing's changed. You feel so good. So do you. I never thought I could do this. It always does that. Try that. They're beautiful. Are you ready to take the plunge? Sure. Sing for me. Sing me that song. In this place We're all together now Figuring out and figuring out Who's crazy And afterwards, we go out And have a nice coffee And we smoke a cigarette And make a dream That everybody in the world Will be good And then we'll be nervous no more And these are the hopes and the dreams Of beautiful people like me And the other people It's so quiet. I was afraid you didn't like me anymore. Marry me. I will. Mom? - Hi, Dad. - Good morning. Hiya, sport. I knew you couldn't live without us. - You want eakfast? - Sure. - French toast. - Orange juice. - Juice. - All right. Bacon. He's in the den. - Are you okay? - He's out of control. But are you okay? Karen, he's been down there all night. I thought he was reading until I woke up this morning... ...and I found him down there twitching. Give it here. Give it, Michael. Please. Oh, God, please. Please! Please! We'll keep this between us, okay? Barometric pressure equalized. Dr. Brace, you may enter the chamber. Damn it! Hey, you wanna jog a few laps? No, not today, Hal. I don't know where I'm getting all this energy. Well, you look good. I'll tell you, Mike, boy, I'm gettin' a whole new outlook on life. I'm packing my bags and leaving this place. Why is that? Hell, the good folks at the lab are paying me disability leave... ...of indeterminate duration. Is that good? Hell, it's the best piece of luck I've had. What is it? Something happened to me. It was more than just a sexual fantasy. It was a... it was a feeling I had. I'm more than I was, Mike. More. Thanks, Hal. Okay, make a dupe tape and a transcript of that right away, if you would. Ten degrees right. Level. Good. Now watch this. He can take a full 10-G rollout without losing control, just by thinking about it. Bombs away, Gordon. Damn! No! Mike! Lillian? I'll miss her. Talented lady. Impossible at times, but talented. The project's yours now, Mike. It's up to you. Not now, Alex. This is it. I'm flyin' the coup. I just wanted to say good-bye. - Is that it? - Yeah. - You gonna play it? - No. She left it for you. I'll help. Dr. Marks, Dr. Brace and Hal A amson are in the lab. Maybe it's not a good idea, huh? I can rewire the output... ...right here. Disconnect respiration, heart function... ...right here. Give me that case. Frank, please, get me Bob Jenkins, Alex Terson... ...Mr. Zimbach and Gordon Forbes, immediately. Yes. This is it. What is it? What is it? What's he? Crazy? We do have a unique opportunity here. No. I can't authorize this. This is not the research we're interested in. This is sick. I'll take full responsibility, Alex. There might be something on it we can use. The tap will be undetectable, and Gordon has the necessary experience. It's on your back, Jim! This is on your back! Dr. Marks... Dr. Brace said something about rewiring this output. Something about respiration and... I know what I'm doing, son. What's happening to him? Shut it off, Landon. Shut it off! Goddamn it, shut it off! Jesus Christ! You can't do one more. You can't do it. Not one more. You can't do it. - Have a Coke. - You have a Coke. No, no. Five minutes, please. It's important, come on. One cup of coffee. Come on. Come on! No, no. Come on! Happy birthday, Lillian. I gave you two years. I've been fighting Washington for the last year. They said it's over. TRIAD is over, don't you understand, Lillian? If it were up to me, I would give it to you. But it's not up to me, babe. Now I have to go tell Michael. I've always been with you. I've always supported you. I try to support you. What can I do? You don't look so well. Are things kind of tough for you? - I'm just tired. - Tired? You know I work all the time. That's the way it's always been. Do you know, I wonder sometimes if there isn't something more than that? More than work? Not to me. Lillian, I have never oken my word to you, but I'm sorry, it is dead. - You don't keep your promises. - I have never oken my word to you. I have never oken my word. I keep my word. We're so close! Well, I guess I want to believe there is more. TRIAD is dead. I never could. It is dead! Mike, I'm shutting it off. You're fine. Chlorothorazine? It's okay. I promise. I love you. I want these personal experiments stopped. You've abused your responsibility. You've endangered your life. I want a mind I can use. I don't want some kind of vegetable. The idea of playing that tape is sick. - It makes my skin crawl. - Where is it? It's locked away. Secure. Alex, I told you, I want to play it out. You didn't hear me, did you? Nobody plays that tape. Ever. When I found her dead, she was beautiful. But why do you have to die to let go? All my life I've had trouble with people. I didn't need them. I always had my own way. Total confidence. Now, because of this thing she left me, this tape... ...l'm scared. For the first time. I'm so scared. But the thing is, I like it. I want more. Look. You're married to the first man in the history of the world... ...who has the chance to take a scientific look... ...at the scariest thing a person ever has to face. I've got to do it. I've got to play it. Play that tape. And you'll have to help me. But you'll have to promise me... ...that you'll never leave me again. I'm not going anywhere. Promise me. It's a deal. Look at those stars. Let's go to bed. Okay. But if you put the terminal box in here... ...then we won't have any room for processing. You can put it right next to the output dial. Right there. I don't want to see this now. It's getting, you know... What are you doing? Dr. Brace, I'd like to introduce you to... Stop that. What are you doing? This is a very valuable piece of equipment. We felt it should be protected from unauthorized use. Who is we? Well, the company. I work here, too. It's my lab. Alex Terson has authorized me to clean up after your sloppy work, Brace. Your notes are impossible to decipher. Yes, that's right. We'll figure it out. No, I don't think so. Take your hands off that! You can lock it up, but you can't make it work! Get off it! Go on, get off! All of you, get out! - You've no right to be here! It's my lab! - No! I'm sorry, Mike. No. Mind if I take a look? You know, this security pass expires tomorrow. Anyway, Dr. Brace, you go through the door... ...take a hard hat and a pair of goggles. - Thanks. Dr. Brace, please stand clear of the orange work zone. Hiya, Hal. Michael. Gosh. - Hey, it's good to see you. - Good to see you. You really had us worried, Mike. So, playing a lot of golf. That's become a real whore to me. I can't shake it. Everything okay? Let me tell you, it's great. You know what I always wanted to be? A scientist, just like you guys. They locked me out, Hal. I have to get back into the computer. It's illegal. Wouldn't want you to get in trouble, Hal. Hell, I don't care. Try Brainstorm. It's in the open project file. Brainstorm. Thank you. I'll do what I can to help you, Mike. Hey, Mike! Don't be a stranger. Mr. Jenkins, you better get in here. Who do you think it is? I have an idea. Should I cut him off? No, let's see how far he gets. See if he's as good as he thinks. Flight data tape, adhesive tape. What's file DXO-9? He knows it's a code. He's trying to get in. He's good. He's in. Son of a bitch! Dream states? Trauma. Physical pain threshold. Negative memory? Psychotic episode? Wait a minute. What do you want me to do? Play it for him. Jimmy, load it up. Hey, whatever you want. In a few moments, you will have an experience... ...which will seem completely real. It will be the result of your subconscious fears... ...transformed to your conscious awareness. This tape must not be played by government personnel. It can be extremely harmful and result in severe trauma. You have five seconds to terminate this tape. Five... four... three... two... one. Alex sold us out. What? Lillian and I are working away. Alex turns the whole thing over to some covert operation... ...called Brainstorm Project. He's taken my work and turned it into something bad. Marks and a bunch of his people are locking everything up. The production line's been retooled... ...to make military uses of the helmet and cord. And now this can be a code name Brainstorm... ...which has been a secret project for the computer for weeks. It's bad, Karen. I just can't believe it. I never figured Alex could do a thing like this. I can't believe this! They're using my invention for ainwashing people. I just found a tape of some kind of psychotic episode. If Marks is... You want to see something? I'll show you something. Now you're gonna find out! It's mine! What are you doing? Take that off! Chris? Don't scare me. Why don't you just take a seat here. This boy has had a serious psychotic eak. But he's gonna come out of it, isn't he? I mean he's gonna be okay? He'll come out of it. He'll be okay. I think you oughta go home and take a rest... ...because we're gonna have to watch him for two days under sedation. What do you think? Nothing like this is ever gonna happen again. There you are. Hello, Karen. Dr. Pederson, this is Dr. Graf from the Psychiatric Institute. What's the Brainstorm Project, Alex? Brainstorm? I don't know. You don't know. Have you seen my kid? They can't stop him shaking! - Have you seen, Gordy? - No. He's dead. He monitored that tape, unauthorized. You plugged him in! I didn't plug him in, Michael. - And I've locked that tape up... - Nobody locks me out! You need a rest. We'll take care of your son. That tape is mine! Nobody locks me out! Mike, listen. He's right. You've got to get away for a few days. Sure. Take a rest. Okay, okay. I'll take a rest. Good morning. - How are you today? - Fine, thanks. The keys. These two cases. The metal ones. Be careful. Thanks a lot. Yeah. - Little more java? - I don't want your coffee. Knock it off, guys. They're both here. Okay, fine. Thank you. I can't believe this. I cannot believe it. - Just forget about it. - Well, it just bothers me. - Just ignore them. - Why should I ignore them? We're on vacation, that's why. He's been doing that all day. Just ignore him. I hate this. What are you staring at? Mike, forget it! What? Can I help you? Hold your voice down. Come on, don't make a scene. Don't do it, Mike! Wait a minute. I said, can I help you? Do you want to hear what we're talking about? Come sit at the table! No, wait a minute, just stay right there. Don't push me! I'm Michael. You wanna know what we're talking about? Don't do that! - You go to hell! - You go to hell, too. You go to hell! - You go to hell, too. - Don't push me! You go to hell, too! - You go to hell! - You go to hell! They had a blowup. And the woman left in a taxi. What do you think? They had a blowup. - Well, stay with Dr. Brace. - Right. Hello? Mike? I'm glad you called. I needed to get away and think. Where are you? I'm at Mother's. I'm going to stay a few days. I'll stay with you on the phone then. Until we work this thing out. I'm gonna lock the door, Karen. Starts here at A-32, goes up to Plus-5... ...and then stops here at JO-6. Karen, what's done is done. Let's start back at the beginning... ...figure out where we lost it. I think we might still have a chance. He's in. I agree. Let's try. We need to reach out. Try to connect again. I wish we didn't have to do it over the phone. Maybe this will be easier. Hello? You'll probably be glad this happened. Hello? I'd like to go somewhere. Maybe we could meet someplace... ...where we had a good time together before. You've got a good deal, Mike. Why don't you tell me a story? You know, the way we used to? A story about us. My work is my life. We're working for them. It's not up to me! The girl fell head over heels, madly in love... ...with a very tall, odd weirdo... ...and he was totally impossible. - Can you turn it up? - And he was also a genius. Shut the damn things down! We can't! The whole operation's been bypassed. Must be somebody who knows the system. All lines are dead. Door is jammed. I'll go down to security. Hold it right there. Here's a transcript of their conversation so far. They're still at it. - What's going on? - All the doors are stuck. Everything is locked. - Bill! You gotta open up! - Hold on, hold on. The whole place has gone up for grabs. Someone has by-passed the control system. The production line is going crazy! Cut Brace's phone. Arrest him. Okay, sir. They're on to us. That means I can't get back to Mike anymore. But I can still get to the company on another line. That guy's nuts! What the hell is happening? Some guy has snafu'd all the controls. That's the security code. That's the control code. And that should do it. Okay, so at that time, do that. - Watches the same? - Right. Thanks, you guys. - I love it! - Take care. It won't open! You, move! Get out of the way! Shit! I'll bet they're making phone contacts with the lab computer. Have 'em run a trace. What? Can you tie into the lab computer and trace a call? Master card key won't work. Well, eak it down! We're inside, Bob. Get out of the way! I'm gonna try! Here it is. Five. I'm sorry, 919... ...555-3820. Got him. Kill Devil Hills area, on the outer banks. Marty? Kill Devil Hills, on the double. I'll get the exact location for you. Everyone stand by. We'll have him soon. He got away from our guys. Please don't touch it. Cut it off. Cut it off, Landon. Don't just stand there. Cut it off! Cut the power off! Okay, pull the floor. Hurry up, come on. Hurry it up. Hurry it up. We'll have to go into the floor, find the main electrical conduits... 0050, and eak. 0050, and eak. I think we got it. - We just lost power in the lab, Bob. - Goddamn him! Let go, Landon. Just let go. Get down! I'm finished. Oh, no! No, no, no! Oh, no! Don't die! Mike! Oh, God. You promised me! No! Don't leave me! Michael Anthony Brace! We made a deal! Get up! Michael! Get up! Get up! Mike! Get up! Get up! We made it! Look at the stars. I love you.

23.976 Ahem. World War 3. Hot and cold. Lasted from... Dog telepathic Hold. Female. Rover pack has her, 125 yards. Solo, waiting to move in, 75 yards. woman screamingDon't ...your stinking... all over this god damn..get away from me, No..... screams, gunshots Get away from me, nooo... more screams..Help me! Help me! screams, gun shots, men shouting Yeah, yeah. boys voice Hey, see her jerk when I cut her? Hold, one more. You're still constantly overreacting. I've absolutely no idea how I managed to keep you alive so long. And I wouldn't bother going down in there unless your taste has changed radically They left an ugly mess. I said, they left a mess! I heard you. The poor swine all my directives go completely unregarded. Sometimes you𠆫e just as ignorant as any other common rover. One indication of a female alone and leave caution to the wind, and the eyes glaze glands swell and the ain freezes. I can't see a thing in there....smell it! I thought you were doing all the scouting today, Vic. sarcastic tone Damn it Blood, don't give me a hard time, smell it! It's clean. sound of woman dying Ain't that a shame. Hell, they didn't have to cut her. She could have been used three or more times. Ah, war is hell. All right. Run it again. laughing You𠆫e so funny when you are sexually frustrated. And I'm funny enough to kick you upside the butt! I said find and I ain't kidding. One does not said ain't, Albert, simply say I'm not kidding. Fine, dog meat. And stop calling me Albert. Ah, and you would stone a poor defenseless animal, wouldn't you. Yes, I can tell that would. I could tell by your short eath And your disgusting aggressive behavior that you would. And, humph. that's because you're not a nice person, Albert you're not a nice person at all. Do I gawk at you when you're working? I'll locate a female if there is one. You go look for food. gunshots yelling in distancewoohoo, yeah, sonofabitch why don't you shove it hey, what's going on? I detect no living female person in my range, sir. I have sniffed and I have cast And I have a negative reading. However I'd be happy to tell you a suggestive story if that would help sarcastic laugh Pass, fuzzy-butt. A cautious young man named Lodge Had seat belts installed in his dodge. When his date was strapped in He committed a sin, without leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it? Let's see, from March 1953 to June... Now Albert, you have all the cranial capacity of a canary. Now, I'm going to recount these events of historical significance once again Now please try to assimilate them this time. WW3, hot and cold, lasted from June 1950 to March 1983 When the Vatican armistice was signed Between the Eastern and Western blocs, a total of 33 years. Is it too fast for you? No, I'm right with you. Oh, good. Now World War 4 lasted 5 days Just long enough for the final missiles to leave their silos on both sides. What's left here were once homes with warm hearths... Hee, hee, would you get off my back you mad dog, hehehe Now, only desolation, civilization lies smothered and decaying under an ocean of mud belonging to anyone who's strong enough to kick and fight and take it for their own. God, that's dramatic, I like it. So, spread about us, the city of Phoenix, Arizona where in 2006, 18 odd years ago you managed to come into the world and we became associates. Now, let's hear that back. Now let run through the modern presidents. What good is this history crap going to do me? Just do the Presidents. Oh, God...Eisenhower, Truman.. Truman, Eisenhower Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon...Kennedy, Kennedy... people yelling in the background Your continued narrow-minded refusal to believe in Over The Hill, is possibly costing us a better life, you know. Over The Hill, my ass. Well when do we start looking for it again? Soon as I get my heart started? I mean let's stop the crap.. I know what you mean, over the hill where the deer and the antelope play. and it's warm and clean and we can relax and have fun Man, they grow food right out of the ground, how do like that pipe dream? It's called farming. Oh, I believe you. And they also have a great crop of clothes and guns and gorgeous chicks. Now you're gonna tell me how so saw the whole thing with your baby blues. Never said I saw, I said I heard about it. And from who? From whom, and you know from whom. And whom the hell's gonna believe a police dog? I'm sorry Blood. I believe you about Over the Hill. Hell, I believe anything you tell me. and even if we don't know for sure, it's worth checking, right? Right? Whatever you say. We will go, just like I promised. Right now I'm hungry and I wanna get laid. So find me a oad and we'll go to the promised land. That's what you always say. I know, I know, but I mean it this time. Find me a chick and we'll go. I'm hungry. So am I! I tell you what. You go find a chick and I'll hustle us up some food. I'm hungry. You already said that, God damn it and I just said... I can't do good work when I'm hungry. You ain't pulling that crap on me again. And you shove that part about how you lost the ability to hunt for food when you learned how to talk! Oh hell all you're good for is finding hard, stingy scum bags, that are just liable to cut off my Goddamn.... No food, no females. Okay you just sit there on your flabby butt while I do all the god damn work. I'll tell you one goddamn thing, you better do some tracking; it's been six weeks since I been laid and it sure as hell ain't been that long since you ate. (dog hums in background By god it damn well may be if you don't start producing. dog keeps humming gunshots screaming music Leroy's here. Heave, heave, pull, pull on that line! Pull on it! Pull.... Get out of there, hey you junkies, get that dirt out of there. Must be something special. You got the whole bunch. You get up and get in that hole. Get up! You get yourself up or you ain't never gonna get up! How'd he know there'd be a house here...he' smart, that's how. Wonder why they hang around him? Hmmm, probably just charisma. Hey there... You dig. Move your foot if you don't want...hey, watch where you're going! arguing in the background Where'd you...it? Maybe he ain't heard about it? Hey! Play! Play melancholy baby! singing in the background singing Winds were soft, rains were wet, mountains were high, things.... God, I wish he'd tune that. Well? I don't know. Chet got Cracker Jack to here. Think he just might do. Maybe. arguingGet out of here.. Look at that. Real beer. Keep your hands off of that. Now get away from here. Sigh. Look at all that food. arguing I'll knock your stupid head in. You and who else? You all right. I need shoes. Anybody see some shoes? Hey you pigs get down there and dig. This place ought to be loaded. Get it out of there. Might work. We'll wait like we always do. Hell with waiting. Vic, come back here! music Get away from here, help help, he's taking our bag, help help. man shouting Get back down in here, you idiots, get back in here. Leave him go. Oh shut up. At least he's got some guts. Get out of here and guard that wagon. laughter He got our bag. Run boy! Come back any time, though. laughs Dig you... That's our boy. Put out the cheese. What do you want to do tonight? Oh, doesn't really matter to me. Whatever you would like to do, Albert...uh, Vic. Blood belches Well, hell, now that we're loaded, I guess we could hit the turf. Yes, we could do that. Well if you rather not... Oh no, no, no, that would be fine. We could probably even afford a little pop..popcorn. Mats good for the rifle, put in the water there. They𠆫e getting wet there; move them over, goes to rust fast. Move on along. You money grabbing toad, you move my stuff over! Move his heat; we don't want no trouble tonight. If it picks up one rust spot, you're going to wake up with a crowd around you. Sardines... We could use some. What about the mutt. He ain't no mutt. You wanna see the movies or don't you. Peaches. How the hell am I supposed to know that? You can read, can't you? Peaches for the dog. Beets are better for him any way. There's a screamer 'bout a mile out. Where's he heading? You think I'd stick around to find out? I said screamers. I want popcorn. Pass. You said we'd get some. Come on, Albert, buy me some popcorn. Who said. I'm tapped, you can live without it. You're just being an ass. You just remember that the next time you want to call me Albert. I hope the next time you play with yourself you go blind. music Come on let's sit there in front. man in crowd Sit down! Get your ass over there, I want to sit here. music continues How can you enjoy a show without popcorn. movie sounds} All right tightwad, watch the master at work. Charity is a thing of the past. There's a female in here. You're nuts. I tell you she's in here. Where? Where is she? Wait a minute. Come out here, I want to talk to you. screaming in the movie Lying egg sucker, I ought to kick your tail up around your ears. Expect me to believe you can whiff her when there ain't no other dog in the whole joint that's caught her yet? Now you forget my infallibility, Albert, that's foolish. No I didn't forget, I just don't believe it. Where is she? sound of fistfight Knock it off. How the hell can I see the picture? Get them out of here, sic the dogs on them. Call off the dog... Ok, all right I was dumb, you taught me all I know, I believe everything you say. dog barks That wasn't her was it? Come on. She might get away. I'll buy you the popcorn. sound of movie film running dramatic movie music and screams Bottom line, you're a ain with an educated nose and there's no other canine in your class. She's dressed like a solo wearing a knit cap. movie music Where's the kid? He's spending the night with Johnny Lambert. movie music women crying Oh, please, take me now. Come on, get up. Not yet guys. gun shot, grunt Damn it darling, cry! Look what I found. dog eating popcorn Okay? Which way did she go? To the right. continues eating popcorn Come on. Not Troy or Hitchcock. That's it for tonight, shut 'her down. wind blowing in the background That stupid oad. She's in there where the screamers hole up. They're not in there now, she's in there alone. whispers Screamers. Damn it. How the hell am I going to nail her in there? Simple, stop shaking like a leaf and go in there and do it. You sure it's clean? Albert, have I ever lied to you? squeaking girl hums in background scream, sounds of girl fighting back Go over there, and I'm going to get one of them mats. You make one move off there and I'll shoot your leg right out from under you. and you'll still get it except you'll be without a leg. Well what are you looking at? What's your name? Vic. Vic what? Just Vic. Then what are your mother and father's names? Boy are you a dumb oad. I told you to stop looking at me like that or I'll bust your teeth out. Now get that stuff off. What's your name? Quilla June Holmes. That's a weird name. It's not. My mother says it's not that unusual back in Oklahoma. That where your folks come from? Before the war. They must be pretty old by now. They are, but they're okay I guess. Hmm, this one's better....Now what? Rover pack. 23 strong. They got the building surrounded. Great, some other mutt must have smelled her in the theater. Who are you talking too? Him. The dog? Give them the girl. Dig in and stand them off. They don't know about us. Just give them the girl and let's get out of here. We stay. Now you got any helpful suggestions? Yeah, pull up your pants, Romeo. Now will you listen to reason? There's too many of them. You're going to get us shot up. Damn fool. There's only one way out of here. Boxed in, that's no good. out there in the big room...what... Hello dog, hello... Oh Jesus, they'll probably come down the ladder... What's a matter, don't you talk to strangers? Shut up will you! I can see it. It's going to be a great help, now if we.. Do you understand me? One down, take his heat that will get him... What's the... dog growls Shut up! indistinct sounds outside Lovely odds we're up against, aren't they? Right. Let's set up for them. And I'm right about the simpering female. I get that, now how do you figure the fight? rovers talking about screamers, coming closer gunshots} screamsOver there! Hey .... gun shot, screams She's moving again. Roar. sounds of fighting gun shots, glass eaking dogs growling, people yelling Where'd she go? Good or bad first. Bad. All right, they didn't come down the ladder like I anticipated and since they found other ways in, we've lost the element of surprise. There's no way we can handle them. And the good? Let the 7 dwarfs have Snow White and we can get out of here with all our parts. Over my dead body. They're working on that right now. Grrrrr... Screamers. Where? I don't hear them. Now what would everyone do if they heard one right now. Run like a sonofabitch. Ah ha. It's worth a try. low-pitched moan Screamers. low-pitched moan whisper You hear that? screaming continue more like moaning Screamers! steaming gets louder gun shots, sounds of fighting, dog growling yelling low-pitched moaning dog's fighting gunshots dogs fighting Goddamn it, get out of the way! dog yelping girl crying Make certain they've gone, Vic. Don't stick your empty head out, Vic. Hey,easy... Will you shut her up? I can't hear myself think. Quilla sobbing in background Get something green. Wrap it around a stick. Wave it up there. Shine a flashlight up through it. Have they gone? What do you see? Ha, ha, ha, ha... They are wimps...woohoohoo! We did it! I would have given a whole sack of potatoes to see their faces when they ran! Hehehe, Hey Blood we did it, we did it! Woohoohoo. Come on. Let's get the hell out of here. They might still be out there. Just pull back a little. Wait until daylight, then we'll see. Okay. Well, I'll take the chick in. She's right below us. sounds of protest Stupid hick, you wanna run into one of them? You think I'm bad? Well you just wait until you see one of them. What are they? I don't know. I just know you stay away from them. What? 'Cuz if one of them touches you you're dead, green dead. 3 of them, move. Come one. Where are you? By the boiler. The insulation might help. Where are we going, Vic. Why is it? Why.... Shut up, and hang on to me. Hurry it up. Help me up there. Yes, this will do. Clumsy. I wonder how many mattresses are in here. Screamers certainly wouldn't want to be confined. Albert! Tell this to keep it's hands to itself! Maybe somebody else hid in here. Get yer... Oh well, somewhat of a weak call I bet. Catch anything yet? Oh well, we're all right so far. You be able to tell when they leave? Yes, I'll be able to tell. If they leave. panting Just take it easy. Everything's going to be all right. That is, if we don't get choked off in here. Can you handle it? Oh yes, Massah Vic, I can handle it. music Ugh, eeding is an ugly thing. ..long enough for the final misses to leave their silos on both sides Let's see that was in 2006 Uhh...2007. It only lasted 5 days. You're awfully smart to know all that history.. Well Blood helps...a little. Humph. Haven't you ever been down under? Nope. Why? It's very nice. I heard how nice. From a solo who raided one. sign Well it's very nice, and you'd like it. Bullshit! That's very crude. I'm very crude. Not all the time. Listen, ass, I grabbed you and ung you down here. So what's so good about me? I didn't mind. I liked it. You want to do it again? Well I've never seen no chick like you before. Hey, I'm the one who's supposed to wanna....do it. Once more into the eech dear friend. sounds of pleasure, squeaking mattress Copula something that connects, copulate from the Latin copulatus doing... whispers Honey, it's good to just watch you. Your waist falls in. your hips out, they fit right in my hands. Just want to talk. I'm not just going to keep pretending I'm asleep, Albert. Oh, boy, you're a bloody mess. Well you're not exactly a rose garden yourself. We'll get out of here, yet. Seems clear. I better go have a look. Think you, think you can handle it in your condition? Can I handle in my condition, humph. I can handle several hours on the rack to extricate myself from this disgusting display. Blood! No sacrifice is too great...no, I throw myself gladly into the very jaws of death. I don't think he likes me very much. Blood? Yeah. Oh, he just feels bad. He likes you a lot. He told me so. He did really? Uh, huh. That's nice, because I think he's cute. How do you do it? What? Talk to him. I don't know, I never thought about it. Just talk. Well, how come I can't hear him? Uh, he said something one time. He thought we had a feeling for each other or something. What do you mean, like love? I guess. I don't know. He said we though alike. Ha ha, I don't know. Well, anyway... We'll get a nice little place... and, we'll spend a lot of time together alone... and do whatever we feel like doing. and when Blood comes to visit he can have his own room. What are you talking about? Well, I don't exactly think he's going to fit in Down Under. No way! No, that's what I said. No, I mean, no way I'm going down there. I'm going to be there. No, you're not. We'll make it up here, the 3 of us. Vic, now I live there. If you love me... I don't care. Come out here right now. Vic, we need to talk. groan of protest What the hell's lumbering you. Your headlong plunge into stupidity. Last night was inexcusable. Leaving her for the pack would have been the intelligent thing to do. I wanted her. I know you wanted her about half a hundred times. Why we still hanging around? I want her some more. Well listen my friend I want to get rid of this pain in my side and I want to get away from here. The screamers can come back any time, you know. Oh, what the hell you worrying about that for. We can handle all that. That don't mean she can't go with us. Go with us? Are you out of your small mind? What good is she? It's all we can do to feed our own selves. You know you're starting to sound like a poodle. You're starting to sound like a jackass. Sorry. Blood, come on. Hey! It will still be 50 50 with you and me. Hell, I owe you. Don't try that hackney ruse on me. Oh come on, I just meant like that time that, that old screamer made a grab for me. You know that righteous tone green he was too, all glowing like a fungus, oozing and eyelashes... Boy, made a grab for me, and you went for him. You'd been burned bad, too, and died. That would have been all of it for you, right? Now get that dramatic catch out of your voice and tell me how she's going to carry her share of the load up here. Tell me.... All right, okay, just don't hang her Harangue, not hang her.. I don't care whatever the hell, you just knock of the crap or we can forget the whole stinking arrangement Well, maybe we should, you simple dumb putz. Putz. What's a putz. Is that something bad? I'll bet it is. It's something bad. You better watch your stinking mouth or I'm going to kick you in the butt. Definitely a putz. low squeaking Oomph! girl giggles Hahaha, That means she can't go with us. I told she was no good. Okay, okay. I just don't like being made to feel guilty. I'm going to do right by you. I would highly recommend that considering there are several knowledgeable solos around town who would be delighted to work with an accomplished female provider like myself. I also don't like being threatened. It's not a threat, that's a fact. No, that's a good way to get that other leg oke. Don't take your petty frustrations out on me Albert, I locate females I don't guarantee their behavior. What the hell's that? Well how should I know? Well smell it. It's probably some ID she used to get out of the Down Under. Oh, now we're in a big hurry. Now if you'd listened to me last night instead of... Wait a minute...you're not thinking of following that.... You, you listen to me Albert. You, you'll get killed out there. Albert. Albert. You come back here. You idiot, you can't go down there. You listen to me. Because some stinking female knocked you on the head and uised your ego, there's no reason to become a callous juvenile. You stop this instant Albert!.. Vic Egg sucker. All right. Vic, please don't. Please stop a minute, please stop. I don't know what to say, there, how to make you understand. Your not thinking clearly. You can't go down there... An ever hope to come back and she knows it. Down Unders hate solos. Enough rover packs have raided down there and... and raped their woman and stolen their food... They'll have their defenses up and they'll catch you and they'll kill you. What the hell do you care? You're always saying you'll better of without me anyway. Oh forget about her, Vic. Let her go, let's look for Over the You get tired of me, you find another partner somewhere, Whatever you do, don't follow here down there. I got to, Blood. I got to. Hasn't occurred to you how convenient this whole operation has been? How easy she was to spot and follow and how she Just think about it Vic instead of walking right into their hands. God knows what they'll do with you. We've been together long time, good or bad... This could be the worst. I'm scared. I'm scared you won't come back and I'll have to find some rover to take me on. You know most rovers are in packs now, and I'm not that young anymore. And I'll miss you, Vic. I'll really miss you. Well.... Try to get back as quick as I can. Will you wait? For a while, then...Over the Hill. Take care of yourself. Do my best. I'll catch up with you. Sure. elevator sound So long... ...partner. engine sounds high pitched hum) background engine sound, screeches engine sounds stop elephant trumpets And with these terrifying sounds of primeval sounds of savagery We close the committee's presentation... of sound tours into the past. Today, chapter 3. Africa the dark continent. Tomorrow chapter 4, Alaska. Stars and Stripes Forever announcer Michael, yellow reference, a malfunction. announcer Level 10, up section 6. Repeat, yellow reference Stars and Stripes continues to play announcer We often despise what is closest to us. announcer Another helpful hint from the committee's almanac. girls laughing Now is the ??of the man. background indistinct speech with Stars and Stripes continuing barbershop quartet announcer It is exactly 10 am on this Wednesday, June 29 announcer Year of our Lord, 103 music, announcer continues girls laughing in the background May I have the chicken salad please? announcer...and awards and punishment session, committed to all. Attendance discretionary. One hour. I repeat one hour.... Be resolved therefore that Mrs. Eunice Long has been declared the blue ribbon winner... of the annual Topeka canning festival. and throughout the year of Lord, 103, all preserved peaches, be they canned or in jars, shall bear her likeness and inscription, Topeka Queen. sparse clapping Michael, green reference. hydroponics laboratory, number 173 Patty and Gordon McBurnat. ...of nutrient supplements.... ...repeat, green reference.... This is the best the architects can do. Pencil. Why are they here? Lack of respect. Wrong attitude. Failure to obey authority. Lectures? Three. Cut and dry then. I think so. That will do it. choir singing Patty and Jordan McBurnat. Any reason to be easy? Not, when we... put this in and then we'll add... That's that. We find it almost impossible to believe, that you have ignored several warnings by us to conform. you of the rules that are vital to the continue growth and well being of our beloved Topeka, but you did. Defiance of this committee duly elected and ordained by the people will not be tolerated. The Farm. Both of them. Now how did the last farms go, Miss. Had cancer at the...No, No! ...no, let me see... I had it down here. No...no, it was an action with farm machinery. That's what it was. Larry and Linda Lacey March 17, of this year. Let's make these heart attacks. Heh. Yeah, yeah, grief from the committee, Dot will do the eulogy Services at Lakeside Methodist, the usual. ...and may God have mercy on your soul. announcer: Outside show... Now that's the way to build a cotton head. announcer: another helpful hint... Quilla June Honey! laughs Come to papa. Oh, aah. It sure is pleasing to see you back home again. kisses Didn't have any trouble, everything went okay, didn't have any trouble, eh? No sir. Aaah, that's fine, fine. Sure did yourself proud missy. The committee won't forget it, no siree! Then I'll be put on the committee right away, like we talked about. Hmm, don't you worry about it, little girl, soon as there's an opening. Mr. Craddock, I would prefer not to wait. After all, I did ing Vic down here exactly like you told me to. Now you just be patient Quilla June. Have fun with the young folks your own age. Think about getting married making a home. Your time will come. I'd rather be just like you, Miss Mez And not wait. Well, don't you worry, little girl. I don't see why you don't... That will be all, that will be all. chuckles That young lady's going to be trouble. Always has been. Any reason for her to change? Maybe you should have gone to three. Uhhh, little childish. Plotting doesn't bother me none. Long as it stays little. Miss, I... See that she's one of the recipients. Then marry her off to Harriman and his boy, what's his name. Charles. Charlie, yeah. If that don't cool her ambitions, farm her out. Horse manure. You are one dumb committee, stupid stinking ole Rotterloo. announcer: a liar will not go punished... I am istling! announcer: Another helpful hint for living from the committee's almanac. That is the only reason I went along with their dumb plan. announcer: America, the land of plenty, was the world's greatest agricultural... They promised me. Promised. announcer: capable not only of feeding its own hardworking... They hinted. Then they tried to shoo me off without a by your leave, so I pushed. Well you shouldn't have. I mean they're going to be watching us now. Gary, I don't care. I am so sick and tired... The Farm. announcer: our Christian desire to aid our others across the seas. You're right. I do care. sniff Okay I'm going to smile. and I'm going to curtsy the right time to all the right people, 'cuz it ain't going to be much longer The song of David will not wait even for you, Quilla June Holmes. That is you class , yes Mrs. Cammock. Oh, pigeon feed , I'm sorry I'll be right there, ma'am. See you later. music dog barks He and Vic were in the park together, I turned my back for just a sec.... Ohhhhhh. What did you and Vic talk about? Come on, we want to know. Well, Lew. Huh? Uh, sometimes I'm so confused. There, good. clears throat Now, how about it boy? I mean, we're going to find out any way, so.. Why don't you just tell us and it will make it easier on all of us, huh? What do you say, huh? How about it boy? The Farm, immediately. announcer: Grandmother's Conrad's recipe for rhubarb marmalade. Let me go, god dammit, aargh. announcer: and lemon jam. Ah, what did the exam show? It's about the usual cold virus, it's a little high blood pressure to be expected under these conditions. There no infection, he's well developed and reasonably well nourished. ..intelligence average, emotional responses simplistic Most marked finding is his overtly aggressive behavior. in other words, he's extremely physical. As you may have noticed. Hehe, well now son. Suck wind, duck ain Better be nice, boy. I hope all your stinking kids are harelips. Michael? All right. Better behave, son. Along with many other organisms... somehow managed to stay alive up above You have been studied, observed Unobtrusively, of course. Living habits, common sense tenacity physical prowess Out of the many You have been chosen Led down here by... Quilla June to be the recipient of an honor Now she's a scumbag! Watch your foul mouth, boy. When anybody on the committee speaks You just keep still and listen. Hey, how would like to have a rifle rammed up your butt. Michael! All right, all right You show respect, boy. As I was saying to be the recipient of an honor that occurs but once in several decades. Now Mez... let me have the original elders proclamation, will you. The fruit of your loins will enable the productive citizenry of Topeka to overcome metabolic changes resulting from months of subterranean living. allow it to keeps its leadership in the drive through to make this in God's own image. See, we've been underground too long. Our woman can't get pregnant. Every once and awhile we need new blood. We, need a new man. announcer: We are never so happy, nor unhappy.. ..a man... announcer: ...as we imagined... announcer: Another helpful hint for living, from the committee's.. ..special kind of man... laughs Hahaha, you mean you want me to knock you oads? laughs loudly You talked me into it. Line them up. You first, honey. Take your hands off me. woman and man laughing Together with beseech thee.. ..in the way of righteousness and peace that loving and serving thee with one heart and mind all the days of their life they may be abundantly enriched the tokens of thy everlasting favor Amen. By authority vested in me by the Committee I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. According to the ordinances and the laws of the state of Topeka. What got has put together, let no man put asunder. Amen. announcer: a man should never be ashamed to admit he has been in the wrong announcer: Which is but saying he is wiser today... announcer: then he was yesterday announcer: another helpful hint for living, from the committee's almanac. Mez, you would have something to help a well used throat Be sure to get both parents to sign right here. Now, let's see other Hathaway. announcer: Michael, amber reference announcer: air intake valve, number 12. announcer: shaft 17B. announcer: Indicates heat buildup. announcer: repeat amber reference. Vic sighs Chapter One, verse twenty-two, mayor. God blessed them and said be fruitful and multiply. God Bless, that's a B. You almost asked yourself out of this honor, young lady. Sir? The committee. Oh, well, I'm sure the committee knows best. Where are your parents? , Miss Mez said it would be all right. Uhh, they must have come down with something because they sure don't feel well. Shall we keep the schedule? Dearly beloved Uhh, Brother Har... Dearly beloved we are gathered here today... muffled sounds of struggle They made me do it. You don't understand, they made me do it. Don't you give me that I'm sorry bullshit. You're as crazy as these other damn nuts. Keep your voice down. Maybe stupid, but they're not dumb like you. Oh no? They ing me down here to make babies and then hook me up to this machine, that's real smart. It's population control, Vic, in case you haven't heard of it. 35 girls are impregnated and then you are killed, do you understand? There are idiots like you running around the place. So you wiggled your little butt... And teased me down here to get beaten up. They said kill me if I didn't. Listen... multiple conversations with organ music in the background ...and there is another thing I want you to make sure of on this most solemn and joyous... I'm going to run Topeka. You and me. and maybe some others. We'll be the committee. Do anything we want, any time we want. Let them bow and scrape for a change. Just by springing me? Yeah, and getting rid of the committee. Where's my heat? Huh? My guns, where's my guns? In the committee office. How you got it figured? Okay Right out this door to the right is Michael. There's a crowd there. We run through the crowd.. They'll come unglued, and right to the right again Big doors. Through the doors we have help outside. screamsannouncer talking in background Don't panic. God damn it. announcer: another helpful hint for living from the committee𠏋 almanac. Your guns are to the right. What happened? They'll probably be coming up. They folded like I said they would. Hey listen, Michael's got to be first. And Jeb, then Wilson, or we're all in trouble. announcer: And then the faint thunder became an uproar the winds changed to a great vi ation of.. Then Lew, then Mez. Then Doc. Kill Lew first, 'cuz he's the important one. Where you going? The church is this way. Hey, we got to get them when they are together. Where you going? I'm getting the hell out of here I want to see Blood again. I want to get into a good straightforward fight with some sonofabitch over a can of beans. I gotta get back in the dirt so I feel clean Wait a minute. How can you just put us out in the open. You got to help us. Good luck baby. Vic please. You dirty, filthy, stinking, rotten, animal. You stupid animal. You think I let you slobber all over me and paw me so's you can walk out now? I didn't ing you down here so they could use you. I ought you down here so I could use you. You better kill them, then I don't care what you do. Please, no, don't leave darling, please help me I love you, I love you My lips said that 'cuz you believe me. Please, Vic. announcer: cooking skillets of preferably of the non-stick variety.. announcer: fry the bacon until own, but not too crisp announcer: then set it aside to drain announcer: pour off all but two tablespoons of the fat.. I don't understand you, all you can think about is going back up there, and about your dog. That's like all the time we spent together didn't mean anything to you. announcer: but they don't own now panting I don't see what's wrong with staying down here and running the committee. announcer: add the corn beef and reserve the liquid for the potatoes There they are. Killing them can ing everything down here in powers announcer: Two tablespoons of chopped parsley announcer: and add the greens. Mix together gently but thoroughly Oh, to kick them out. We can do whatever we please. announcer: and add salt and freshly ground pepper to taste.. Kill them, Vic, now. announcer: Red reference. announcer: repeat red, red reference. Moron (whisper) announcer: The committee. Do it! The Committee, sitting an extraordinary session 11:37 am. July 4, year of our lord, 103 All present. Bestow upon the Committee thy servants of the seal thine approval and thy fatherly benediction. granting on to them grace to fulfill with pure and steadfast affection the ordinances and the laws. The state of Topeka, Amen. You have ignored several warnings by us informed of the rules that are vital to continue the growth of our beloved Topeka What's been ordained by the people could not be tolerated Quilla June. announcer: Quilla June Holmes 2006, 1 hundred and 44 Lack of respect, wrong attitude, failure to obey authority How say you one and all? Aye. Aye. Aye. The Farm, immediately. Gary. Gary Maroy Franklin, number 2598. Lack of respect, wrong attitude, failure to obey authority. How say you one and all? Aye. Aye. Aye. The Farm, immediately. announcer: Richard Richard Van Ricecue, number 2601 announcer: Lack of respect. wrong attitude failure... All right. Vic, I'll show you the way out. Let's get out of here. Vic. The Farm, immediately. I'll show you the way out, All right, I'll show you the way out. Kenneth. Please, let's just get out of here. I'll take care of you and Blood. I'll do anything you want to do. Vic, remember in the boiler room? announcer: wrong attitude, failure to... How say you one and all? Aye, aye, aye. First thing that boys ever done. A shame. Vic, please, let's get out of here. Same, Farm, immediately. And may God have mercy on your soul. clapping announcer: Take the the bacon fat in the skillet announcer: add dash, and with a spatula spread evenly..stars and stripes again announcer: cook uncovered over moderate heat for 30 to 40 minutes announcer: turning now and again to prevent the hash from sticking announcer: As it cooks remove that excess fat from that announcer: and with the spoon.... Kill him! Up there, kill him. announcer and music You kill him....aargh! Quilla screams announcer:...it's the third of Sept, 261.... Kill him....aaaah announcer: Number 2601...music playing gunshots Let's get on with. gunshot Jack? gunshots Of the 35 proposed recipients, 10 have been serviced. screams and gunshots We need another donor of course. Let's run...I have to kill him, Vic. Put the third program back in effect. music and announcer continue in background Scratch the boy𠏋 name. Concentrate on the rest of the list. Whichever one we pick...Make sure we have better security. announcer: then place a large round platter over the skillets and gripping platter and skillets firmly together... Stop him, Vic, stop him. music and gunshots announcer: if any of the hash...lift it up... Ooh, we got to keep him in check. Now I've been talking about the meaning of this, and announcer: and serve poached eggs if desired. announcer, music and gunshots continue panting Come on, come on crying come on. Hurry electrical short sounds announcer: one cup diced cooked vegetables Let's get another Michael out of the warehouse. This time, make sure the department wipes that smile off his face. announcer: 4 tablespoons of finely chopped parsley announcer: one cup of heavy cream, salt announcer: and freshly ground, black, pepper. elevator Oh....panting Blood? Blood! pantingYou kept me down there too long. Come on with me, let's go. Over The Hill, that's where he went, and we need him. Well, let's catch up with him. I don't know where it is. If Blood knows, why didn't he tell you? whisper Vic! Blood? Vic! Blood? Blood! Hello, partner. Blood, we made it back. Who's your new tailor, Albert? chuckles Blood and Vic laugh How long has it been since you ate? Grabbed a lizard yesterday, uh Maybe it was the day before. I can't seem to remember... Well, we got to leg it into town and get you something to eat fast. No, Fellini's taken everything over. Slaughtered every solo who wouldn't join him. Whole town's under their control Can't get any food there You can't even go back at all. Okay, just take it easy. I can't take it any other way. I'm almost gone... Better just leave and find some place where you can stay alive. Heh, how about Over The Hill, Tiger? Hmm, I can't make it the way I am now. But you might be able to. Blood coughs He needs food and he needs medicine. We've got to get it fast. 'Cuz we can't make it without him. We're too late, darling. There's nothing we can do about it now. Vic, we've got to get out of here. We're going to be together. You want us to be together. Now, I love you. If you love me, you'll come on, too. crackling fire You haven't eaten a bite. I'm not hungry. Um, I really appreciate this. Well, let's press on. Now, where were you? Oh yeah laughs in the hospital. Oh Blood, come on. You know if they just let you have your way with the blushing ide Instead of hooking you up to the machine You'd probably never come back up. Blood laughs} Blood laughs, wheezes You sure you had enough to eat? Oh yes coughs I'm satiated. What? Nothing, I said I'm full But after we walk all day, you'll probably have to cook up what's left. She said she loved me. Oh hell, it wasn't my fault she picked me to get all wet- ained over. Well I'd say she had marvelous judgment, Albert If not particularly good taste Blood chuckles Vic laughs particularly good....laughing so hard he wheezes Vic and Blood laughing closing song A boy and his dog go walking A boy and his dog sometimes talk to each other. A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log but a dog knows his boy can go wrong. A boy and his dog can go fishing A boy can teach a dog to ing a dish in when he's hungry. A boy and his dog can be happy sitting out in the woods on a log but a dog knows his boy can go wrong. music plays on then fades out short story actually ends with these lines Do you know what love is?

Let me tell you what Like A Virgin is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song is a metaphor for big dicks. No, it ain't. It's about a girl who's very vulnerable. She's been fucked over a few times and she meets a guy who's sensitive. Whoa. Timeout. Tell that bullshit to the tourists. Toby? Who the fuck is Toby? Like A Virgin is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what True Blue is about. No argument about that. - Which one is True Blue? - It was a big-ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow that top-of-the-pops shit, and I've heard of True Blue. I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked is, how's it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan. Personally, I can do without her. I used to like her early stuff, Borderline... but once she got off with that Papa, Don't Preach phase, I tuned out. Hey, you guys are making me lose my train of thought here. I was sayin' something. What was it? Oh, Toby's that little Chinese girl. - What was her last name? - What's that? It's an old address book I found in a coat I haven't worn in a coon's age. - What was that name? - What the fuck was I talkin' about? You said True Blue was about a guy-- a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy... but Like A Virgin was a metaphor for big dicks. Let me tell you what Like A Virgin is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine. I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon... dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick! - How many dicks is that? - A lot. Then one day, she meets this John Holmes motherfucker. It's like, Whoa, baby. He's like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape. He's diggin' tunnels. Now she's gettin' serious dick action. She's feelin' somethin' she ain't felt since forever: pain, pain. Chew? Toby Chew? It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see, the pain is reminding a fuck machine... what it was once like to be a virgin. Hence, Like A Virgin. Wong. -Give me that fuckin' thing. -What in hell do you think you're doin'? I'm sick of hearin' it, Joe. I'll give it back to you when we leave. What do you mean, when we leave? Give me it back now! For the past 15 minutes now, you've been droning on about names. Toby. Toby? Toby? Toby Wong. Toby Wong? Toby Wong. Toby Chung fuckin' Charlie Chan. I've got Madonna's big dick comin' out of my left ear... and Toby the Jap-- I don't know what-- comin' out of my right. Give me that book. Are you gonna put it away? I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want with it. Well, then I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep it. Hey, Joe, want me to shoot this guy? Shit. You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize. You guys been listenin' to K-BILLY's Super Sounds of the '70s weekend? Yeah. That's fuckin' great. - You believe the songs they're playin'? - Know what I heard the other day? Heartbeat, It's a Lovebeat by little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco family. I haven't heard that song since I was in the fifth fuckin' grade. When I was comin' down here, The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia came on. I ain't heard that song since it was big. But when it was big, I must've heard it a million-trillion fuckin' times. But this is the first time I ever realized... that the girl singin' the song is the one who shot Andy. You didn't know that Vickie Lawrence was the one who shot Andy? - I thought the cheatin' wife shot Andy. - They say that at the end of the song. I know, motherfucker. I just heard it. That's what I'm talkin' about. I must've zoned out during that part before. All right, I'll take care of the check. All right, I'll take care of the check. You guys can get the tip. Should be about a buck apiece. And you, when I come back I want my book. Sorry. It's my book now. Hey, I changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will ya? All right, everybody cough up some green for the little lady. Come on, throw in a buck. I don't tip. - You don't tip? - I don't believe in it. You don't believe in tipping? Do you know what these chicks make? They make shit. If she don't make enough money, she can quit. I don't even know a fuckin' Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me get this straight. You don't ever tip, huh? I don't tip because society says I have to. If they really put forth the effort, I'll give 'em somethin' extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doin' their job. - This girl was nice. - She was okay. - She wasn't anything special. - What's special? Take you in the back and suck your dick? I'd go over 12 for that. I ordered coffee, all right? She's only filled my cup three times. I want it filled six times. Six times? Well, what if she's too fuckin' busy? The words too fuckin' busy shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary. Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but the last fuckin' thing you need's... another cup of coffee. These ladies aren't starvin' to death. They make minimum wage. I used to work minimum wage, and when I did... I wasn't lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tip-worthy. You don't care they're countin' on your tips to live? You know what this is? The world's smallest violin, playin' just for the waitresses. You don't have any idea what you're talkin' about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job. So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them. They're servin' you food, but society says... Don't tip these guys over here, but tip these guys. That's bullshit. Waitressing is the number-one occupation... for female non-college graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get and make a living on. The reason is because of their tips. Fuck all that. I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips. That's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would appear that waitresses are one of the many groups... the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Show me a paper that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it. I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball. This non-college bullshit, I got two words for that: Learn to fuckin' type. If you're expectin' me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big surprise. He's convinced me. Give me my dollar back. Hey. Leave the dollars there. All right, ramblers, let's get ramblin'. Wait a minute. Who didn't throw in? - Mr. Pink. - Mr. Pink? - Why not? - He don't tip. He don't tip? - You don't tip? - He don't believe in it. Shut up. What do you mean, you don't believe in it? Cough up a buck, you cheap bastard. I paid for your goddamn eakfast. Since you bought eakfast, I'll put in. But normally I would never do this. Never mind what you normally would do. Just cough in your goddamn buck like everybody else. Thank you. That was the Partridge Family's Doesn't Somebody Want To Be Wanted?... followed by Edison Lighthouse's... Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes... as K-BILLY's Super Sounds of the '70s weekend... just keeps on truckin'. just keeps on truckin'. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die! Just hold on, buddy boy! I'm gonna die! - I'm sorry! - Give me your hand. I can't believe she killed me, man! Who'd have fuckin' thought that? Hey, just cancel that shit right now! You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad, but you ain't dying! All this blood's scarin' the shit out of me, Larry! I'm gonna die! I know it! Excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me, please! Are you a doctor? No, I'm not. I'm not. So you admit you don't know what you're talkin' about. If you're through givin' me your amateur opinion, lie back and listen. I'm takin' you back to the rendezvous, Joe's gonna get you a doctor... the doctor's gonna fix you up and... you're gonna be okay. Now say it! You're gonna be okay! Say it! You're gonna be okay! Say the goddamn words! You're gonna be okay! Oh, God! Say the goddamn fuckin' words! Say it! Okay, Larry. Correct! Correct! I'm okay. Look where we are. Look where we are. She had a baby, man. She had a baby! We're in a warehouse. Who's a tough guy? Who's a tough guy? Come on, who's a tough guy? Who's a tough guy? You're a tough guy. You're a fuckin' tough guy. We're in a warehouse. Look where we are. We made it. We made it. We fuckin' made it. We have fuckin' made it. We're in a warehouse. Look where we are. Look where we are. Hold on. Hold on. - Shit! - Stop bangin' your head. You're gonna bang a fuckin' hole in the floor. You don't wanna hurt the fuckin' floor, do you? I can't do anything for you. But when Joe gets here... which should be any time now... he's gonna help you out, he's gonna take care of you. We're gonna sit and wait for Joe. - Who are we waitin' for? - Joe. Larry, I'm fucking scared, man. Would you please hold me? Yeah, sure. You go ahead and be scared. You've been ave enough for one day. I just want you to relax now, okay? You're not gonna fuckin' die. You're gonna be fine. When Joe gets here, he'll make you 100 again. Am I hurt? I'm hurt bad, Larry. It's not good, no. Hey, Larry... bless your heart for what you're tryin' to do. I was panicking for a minute back there. But I got my senses back now. The situation is, I'm shot in the belly. Without medical attention, I'm gonna die. - I can't take you to a hospital. - Fuck jail, man! You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front, man. Just drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself. I won't tell 'em anything, man. I won't tell 'em anything. I swear to fucking God, man. Just look in my eyes, Larry. Look in my eyes. I won't tell them anything. You'll be safe, man. You're not gonna fuckin' die, kid. All right? Listen to me. You're gonna be fine. Along with the kneecap... the gut is the most painful area a guy can get shot in. No shit! But it takes a long time to die from it. I'm talkin' days. You're gonna wish you were dead, but it takes days to die from your wound. Time is on your side. Was that a fucking setup, or what? Shit. Orange got tagged? Gut shot. Fuck. Where's Brown? Dead. How did he die? How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him. This is bad. This is so fucking bad. Is it bad? As opposed to good? Man, this is fucked up. This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us up big time, man. - You really think we were set up? - Do you even doubt it, man? I don't think we got set up, I know it. Where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, and the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay? When an alarm goes, you got a four-minute response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street at that moment... you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute, there were 17 blue boys out there... all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm, but those first motherfuckers... they were there and they were waitin' for us. Haven't you fuckin' thought about this? I haven't had a chance to think. First I was just tryin' to get the fuck outta there. And after we got away, I've just been dealin' with him. Better start thinkin' about it, 'cause that's all I'm thinkin' about. I wasn't even gonna come here. I was just gonna drive off, man... because whoever set us up knows about this place. There could've been cops here waitin'! There could be cops comin' right now! Let's go in the other room. Hey. In there. Larry, don't leave me. I'll be right in the other room, okay? I'll be right there lookin' at ya. I'm right here lookin' at you, okay? I'm right over there. Larry... I'm gonna fucking die. Larry. What the fuck am I doin' here, man? I felt funny about this job right off. As soon as I felt it I should have said, No, thank you, but I never listen. Every time I ever got fucked buying weed, the same thing. I didn't trust the guy, but I wanted to believe him. If he's not lying and it really is Thai stick, then it's great. But it never is, and I always said that if I felt that about a job, I'd walk. And I didn't. I didn't because of the fuckin' money! What's done is done. I need you cool. Are you cool? I'm cool. Splash some water on your face. Take a eather. Relax. Have a cigarette. I quit. - All right. - Why, you got one? Okay, let's go through what happened. We're in the place, everything's going fine. Then the alarm gets tripped. I turn around and all these cops are outside. You're right. It was like, bam, I blinked my eyes and they're there. Everybody starts going ape-shit. Then Mr. Blonde starts to shoot all-- - That's not correct. - What's wrong with it? Okay. The cops did not show up after the alarm went off. The cops didn't show up until after Mr. Blonde started shootin' everybody. - Soon as I heard the alarm, I saw cops. - It wasn't that soon. They didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde became a madman. I'm not sayin' they weren't there. I'm sayin' they were there. But they didn't make a move until after Mr. Blonde started shootin' everybody. I mean, that's how I know we were set up. - Mr. White, you can see that-- - Enough of this Mr. White shit. Wait! Don't tell me you're fuckin' name! I don't wanna know it! Jesus Christ, I ain't gonna tell you mine. You're right. This is bad. - How did you get out? - I shot my way out. Everybody started shootin', so I blasted my way out of there. Move it! Get outta the way! Get the fuck outta the way! Get the fuck outta the way! Move it! Get outta the way! Jesus Christ! What the fuck is your problem, man? - You fuckin' asshole! - Fuck you! Move! Jesus! Get outta the car! Get the fuck outta the car! Move it! Move outta the way! I tagged a couple of cops. Did you kill anybody? - A few cops. - No real people? Just cops. Could you believe Mr. Blonde? That was the most insane fuckin' thing I have ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire a guy like that? I don't want to kill anybody. If I gotta get out that door and you're standin' in my way... one way or the other you're gettin' outta my way. That's the way I look at it. The choice between doin' ten years... and takin' out some stupid motherfucker... ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman, either. What the fuck was Joe thinkin'? You can't work with a guy like that. We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us when he shot the place up. I came this close to takin' his ass out myself. I mean, everybody panics. Everybody. Things get tense. It's human nature. You panic. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. Fuck, man, you panic on the inside, in your head, you know? You give yourself a couple of seconds, get ahold of it and deal with it. What you don't do is start shootin' up the place and start killin' people. What you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin' professional. A psychopath ain't a professional. You can't work with a psychopath. You don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next. I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was? Twenty? - Maybe 21? - If that. Did you see what happened to anybody else? Me and Orange jumped in the car, Brown floored it. After that, I don't know what went down. It was every man for himself. As far as Mr. Blonde and Mr. Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest... 'cause once I got out, I never looked back. What do you think? What do I think? The cops either caught 'em or killed 'em. No chance they punched through? You found a hole. Yeah, and that was a fuckin' miracle. But even if they did get away, then where the fuck are they? You don't think it's possible one of 'em got ahold of the diamonds and-- - No, no way. - How can you be so sure? I got the diamonds. That's my boy. - Where? - I stashed 'em. If you wanna come with me, let's go get 'em right now, this second. 'Cause I think stayin' here, man, we should have our fuckin' heads examined. That was the plan. We meet here. Then where the fuck is everybody? I say the plan becomes null and void once we found out we got a rat here. We ain't got the slightest idea what happened to Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue. They could both be dead or maybe they're arrested. The cops could have 'em right now at the station, sweatin' 'em down. They don't know our names, but they could be singin' about this place. I swear to God, I think I'm fuckin' jinxed. What? Two jobs back, it was a four-man job. We discovered one of the team was an undercover cop. No shit? Thank God we discovered in time. We had to forget the whole thing, just walk the fuck away from it. So who's the rat this time? Mr. Blue? Mr. Brown? Joe? Joe set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up to set it up. I don't buy it. Me and Joe go back a long time. I can tell you definitely, Joe didn't know a thing about this bullshit. I know Joe, and me sayin' he definitely had nothin' to do with it is ridiculous. I can say I definitely didn't do it, 'cause I know what I did or didn't do. But I cannot definitely say that about anybody, 'cause I don't definitely know. For all I know, you're the rat. For all I know, you're the fuckin' rat! All right, now you're usin' your fuckin' head. For all we know, he's the rat. That kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet I saw him take... so don't you be calling him a rat! Look, I'm right, okay? Somebody's a fuckin' rat. Where's the commode in this dungeon? I gotta take a squirt. Go down the hall, make a left, go up the stairs... and make a right. - By the way, how's Alabama? - Alabama? I haven't seen Bama in over a year and a half. But I thought you two were a team. We were for a little while. Did about four jobs together, then decided to call it quits. Why? You push that woman-man thing too long and it gets to you after a while. What's she doin' now? She hooked up with Frank McGar. They've done a couple jobs together. Hell of a woman. Good little thief. - So explain the telegram. - Five-man job. Bustin' in and bustin' out of a diamond wholesaler's. Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody that can move ice. No problem. We got guys waitin' for it. What happened to Marcellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice? He's doin' 20 years in Susanville. Twenty years? Holy God. What for? Bad luck. I guess you can say that again. What's the exposure like? Two minutes, tops. But it's a tough two minutes. Daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd. But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd. - How many employees? - I'd say around 20. Security pretty lax. They most usually just deal in boxes. You know, uncut stones from the diamond syndicate. But on this day, they're getting a shipment of polished stones from lsrael. They're like a way station, you know? -They get picked up and sent to Vermont. -No, they're not. What's the cut, poppa? Juicy, junior. Real juicy. Look, man, you do what you want. I'm outta here, man. I'm gonna check into a motel for a few days. You know, I'll lay low and I'll call Joe-- Shit. Did he fuckin' die on us? Huh? ls he dead or what? - He ain't dead. - What is it? I think he's just passed out. He scared the fuckin' shit outta me. I thought he was dead for sure. Without medical attention, he will die for sure. What are we gonna do, man? We can't take him to the hospital. Without medical attention, he might not live through the night. The bullet in his belly is my fault. While that might not mean jack shit to you, it means a hell of a lot to me. First things first, okay? Stayin' here's goofy. We gotta book up. So what do you suggest we do? Go to a hotel? We got a guy who's shot in the belly, who can't walk, bleeds like a stuck pig. And when he's awake, he screams in pain. You got an idea, spit it out. Joe could help. If we could get in touch with Joe, Joe could get him to a doctor. Joe could get a doctor to come to see him. Assuming we can trust Joe, how we gonna get in touch with him? He's supposed to be here, but he ain't, which makes me nervous about bein' here. Even if he is on the up and up, I don't think he's gonna be too happy with us. He planned a robbery and he's got a bloodbath on his hands now. He's got dead cops, dead robbers, dead civilians. I tend to doubt he's gonna have a lot of sympathy for our plight. If I was him, I'd put as much distance between me and this mess as possible. Before you got here, Mr. Orange... was askin' me to take him to a doctor, to a hospital. I don't like the idea of turnin' him over to the cops... but if we don't, he's gonna die. He begged me to do it. Well, all right. Then I guess we take him to a hospital. If that's what he said, let's do it. Since he don't know nothin' about us, I say it's his decision. He knows a little about me. What? Wait, wait. You didn't tell him your name, did you? I told him my first name and where I was from. Why? I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a natural conversation. What was tellin' him your name when you weren't supposed to? He asked. We had just gotten away from the cops. He just got shot. It was my fault he got shot. He's a fuckin' bloody mess. He's screamin'. I swear to God, I thought he was gonna die right then and there. I'm tryin' to comfort him, telling him not to worry... everything's going to be okay, I'm gonna take care of him. And he asked me what my name was. I mean, the man was dyin' in my arms. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Tell him I'm sorry? I can't give out that fuckin' information? It's against the rules? I don't trust you enough? Maybe I should've, but I couldn't. Fuck you! Fuck Joe! - I'm sure it was a beautiful scene. - Don't fuckin' patronize me! I have one question. Do they have a sheet on you where you're from? - Yeah! - That's that, then. I mean, I was worried about mug shot possibility as it was. He knows A, your name, B, your face, C, your hometown and D, your specialty. They're not gonna have to show him a lot of pictures for him to pick you out! You didn't tell him anything else so they could narrow down the selection? If I have to tell you again to back off, we're gonna go 'round and 'round. We ain't takin' him to a hospital. If we don't, he's gonna die. And I'm very sad about that, but some fellas are lucky and some ain't. What the fuck are you touchin' me for, man? I'll show you who you're fuckin' with! You wanna shoot me, you piece of shit? I didn't create this situation, I'm dealin' with it! You're actin' like a first-year thief! I'm actin' like a professional! If they get him, they could get you, they could get closer to me... and that can't happen! You're lookin' at me like it's my fault? I didn't tell him my name! I didn't tell him where I was from! Shit! Fifteen minutes ago you almost told me your name! You're gonna get stuck in a situation you created! So if you wanna throw bad looks around, throw 'em at a mirror! You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start cryin'. Mr. Blonde. Shit. You're fuckin' kickin' me. What happened to you? Figured you were dead. Hey, you okay? Did you see what happened to Blue? We didn't know what happened to you. That's what we were wonderin' about. Look, Brown is dead, Orange got it in the belly. Enough! Enough! You better start talkin', asshole. 'Cause we got shit we need to talk about. We're already freaked out. We need you actin' freaky like we need a fuckin' bag on our hip. Okay, let's talk. We think we got a rat in the house. I guarantee we got a rat in the house. What makes you say that? Is that supposed to be funny? Look, we think this place ain't safe. This place ain't secure anymore. We're leavin' and you should go with us. Nobody's goin' anywhere. Piss on this fuckin' turd. - We're outta here. - Don't take another step, Mr. White. Fuck you, maniac! It's your fuckin' fault we're in this trouble! What's this guy's problem? What's my problem? Yeah, I got a fuckin' problem! I got a big fuckin' problem... with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot! - What the fuck you talkin' about? - That fucking shooting spree! In the store! Remember? Oh, fuck 'em. They set off the alarm. They deserve what they got. You almost killed me! Asshole! If I knew what kind of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you. Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie... or are you gonna bite? What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it? Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie... or are you gonna bite? You two assholes, calm the fuck down! Hey, come on! What, are we on a playground here? Am I the only professional? You're actin' like a bunch of fuckin' niggers! Ever work with niggers? Always sayin' they're gonna kill each other. You said yourself you thought about taking him out. - You fuckin' said that? - Yeah, I did, okay? But that was then. Right now, this guy is the only one I completely trust. -He's too homicidal to be with the cops. -You takin' his side? Fuck sides, man! What we need here is solidarity! Somebody's stickin' a red-hot poker up our ass, and I want to know who. Fuck. Look, I know I'm no piece of shit. I'm pretty sure you're okay, and I'm fuckin' positive you're on the level. So let's try and figure out who the bad guy is, all right? Wow. That was really exciting. I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan, aren't ya? Yeah, me too. I love that guy. My heart's beatin' so fast, I'm about to have a heart attack here. I got somethin' outside that I'd like to show you guys, so follow me. Follow you? Where? To my car. Did you forget your French fries to go with the soda? No, I had them already. I got somethin' I think you might wanna see, though. - What? - It's a big surprise. I'm sure you'll like it. Come on. We still gotta get outta here, you know. No. We're gonna stick around and we're gonna wait. - What for? The cops? - No. Nice Guy Eddie. Nice Guy Eddie? What makes you think he isn't on a plane halfway to Costa Rica? Because I spoke to him on the phone and he said he's on the way down here. You talked to Nice Guy Eddie? Why didn't you say that in the first place? - 'Cause you never asked me. - Hardy-fuckin'-har. - What'd he say? - He said stay put. So in the meantime... I'll show you guys somethin'. Jesus Christ. Maybe our boy in blue here can answer some of these questions... about this rat business you've been talkin' about. You're a piece of work, my friend. Let's get him the fuck outta here. Hey, Sid, will you relax? I've known you a long time. I'm not worried. I know you'll pay me back. Don't tell me what I already know. Don't embarrass me. So you had a few bad months. You do what everybody else does. I don't care if it's J.P. Morgan or lrving the tailor. You ride it out. - Vic Vega's outside. - Hold on. - Who? - Vic Vega. Tell him to come in. I gotta go. - Come on in. - A friend of mine's outside. I'll be talkin' to you. Don't worry. Hey, welcome home, Vic. How does freedom feel, huh? - It's a change. - Ain't that the sad truth. Sit down, take your coat off, make yourself at home. - Have a little drink? - Yeah. How about a little Remy Martin? Sure. Who's your parole officer? Seymour Scagnetti. How is he? He's a fuckin' asshole. Won't even let me leave the halfway house. It never ceases to amaze me. A fuckin' jungle bunny goes out there, slits a woman's throat for 25 cents... he gets Doris Day for a parole officer. A good fella like you winds up with a ball-bustin' prick. I want you to know I appreciate all the packages you sent me on the inside. What the hell was I supposed to do? Forget about you? I just want you to know that it meant a lot to me. It was the least I could do. I wish to hell I could've done a lot more. Thanks a lot, Joe. Ah, Vic. Toothpick Vic. So tell me your story, kid. What are your plans? You son of a bitch. I see you sittin' there, but I don't believe it. - How you doin', Toothpick? - Hey, Eddie. Listen, I'm sorry. I should've picked you up myself. I was-- My fuckin'-- This week's been crazy. I've had my head up my ass the whole time. Funny you say that, 'cause that's what me and your daddy were talkin' about. That I should've picked you up? No, that you had your head up your ass. I walk in the door, he's like, Vic, Vic... I'm so glad somebody's finally here who knows what's goin' on. My son Eddie's a fuck-up. He's ruining the business. I mean, I love the guy, but he's flushin' everything down the toilet. That's what you said, right, Joe? Tell him yourself. Eddie, I hate for you to hear it like this... but Vic came in and asked me how business was. You don't lie to a guy who's just done four years in the slammer. That's very true. All right, enough of this shit! Break it up! Come on, this ain't a playground! You guys wanna roll around on the floor, you do it in Eddie's office, not mine. - Daddy, did you see that? - What? The guy got me on the ground, he tried to fuck me. - You wish. - You sick bastard, Vic. You tried to fuck me in my father's office. Look, Vic, whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home... go to it, but don't try to fuck me. I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot, buddy, but I don't think of you that way. Listen, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse. No, you wouldn't. You'd keep me for yourself. Four years fuckin' punks up the ass, you'd appreciate a piece of prime rib. I might eak you in, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch. Ain't that a sad sight, Daddy? A man walks into prison a white man, walks out talkin' like a fuckin' nigger. You know what? I think it's all that black semen... pumped up your asshole, now it's backed into your fuckin' ain... and it's comin' out your mouth! Eddie, you keep talkin' like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch. Enough of that shit! I'm sick of it! Now both of you, sit down. Now, Eddie... when you came in here, we were talkin' some serious business. Vic here's got a parole problem. - Who's your P.O.? - Seymour Scagnetti. Scagnetti. Fuck. - I hear he's a motherfucker. - Oh, he's a fucker. Won't even let me leave the halfway house unless I get some shitty job. You're comin' back to work for us, right? Well, I wanna. But first I gotta prove to, uh, ass-head... that I can get a regular, you know, job-type job... before I can move out on my own. I can't come back to work for you guys if I gotta worry about, uh... makin' some silly-ass 10:00 curfew... every fuckin' night. We can work this out, can't we, Eddie? This ain't all that bad. We can get you a lot of legitimate jobs. I'll get you down in Long Beach as a dockworker. I don't wanna lift no fuckin' crates, Eddie. You ain't gonna lift shit. You don't even work there. But as far as the records are concerned, you do. I call Matthews and tell him he's got a new guy, boom, you're on the rotation. You get a time card. It's clocked in and out for you every day. At the end of the week you get a nice paycheck. Dockworkers do very well. You can move into a halfway decent place without Scagnetti goin'... Where the fuck's the money comin' from? And, if he decides to make a surprise visit... that's the day we sent you to Tustin to pick up a load of shit. If he comes back again, hey, Sorry, Seymour. You just missed him. We had to send him to the Taft airstrip five fuckin' hours away. We had a load of shit he had to pick up there and ing back here. Part of your job is goin' different places. That's the beauty of it. We got places all over the place. See, Vic? Did I tell you not to worry? - Vic was worried. - I'll take you to Long Beach tomorrow. We'll get you fixed up with Matthews, I'll tell him what's what. You know, I really appreciate what you guys are doin'... but I'd like to know when I can come back... you know, do some real work. Well, it's hard to say. It's kind of a strange time now. Things are kind of-- They're a little fucked up, is what they are. We're just gettin' ready for a big meetin' right now in Vegas. Look, just let Eddie for now set you up at Long Beach. Get you a job, give you some cash... and get this Scagnetti fuck off your back... and then we'll talk to you, all right? Huh? Dad, I got an idea. Just hear me out. I know you don't like usin' the boys on these jobs... but Vic here-- I mean, he's only been nothin' but good luck for us. The guy's a fuckin' rabbit's foot, for cryin' out loud. I'd like to have him in. You know he can handle himself, and you damn sure know you can trust him. All right, Vic... how would you feel about pullin' a job with about five other guys? I'd feel great about it. K-BILLY's Super Sounds of the '70s continues. If you're the 12th caller... you'll win two tickets to the monster truck extravaganza... being held tonight at the Carson Fairgrounds... featuring Big Daddy Don Bodine's truck, The Behemoth. The 12th caller wins on the station where the '70s survived. Hey, Dov, we got a major situation here. I know you know that. I gotta talk to Daddy and find out what he wants done. All I know is what Vic told me. The place turned into a bullet-fest. He took a cop hostage just to get the fuck outta there. Get up! Get up! Do I sound like I'm fuckin' jokin'? He's fuckin' drivin' around with a cop in his trunk! I don't know who did what! I don't know who's got the loot. I don't know if anybody's got the loot. I don't know who's dead, who's alive, who's caught, who's not. I will know. I'm practically there now. But what do I tell these guys about Daddy? All right. You sure that's what he said? Okay, that's what I'll tell 'em. Huh? Fuck you! You like bein' a fuckin' hero? You like bein' a fuckin' hero? You like bein' a fuckin' hero? You're gonna suffer for nothin', pal. You hear me? 'Cause you're gonna fuckin' talk. - I don't fucking know anything! - You fuckin' know. You know. Look at me. You fuckin' know. What in the Sam Hill's goin' on here? - Nice Guy, we got a cop. - Where the fuck is Joe? Holy shit. Orange is dead. No, he's not dead, but he will be if we don't get him taken care of. We were set up. The cops were there waitin' for us. What? Nobody fuckin' set anybody up. The cops were there waitin' for us. - Bullshit. - Fuck you, man! You weren't there, we were, and the cops had that store staked out. Okay, Mr. Fuckin' Detective, you're so fuckin' smart. - Who did it? - We've been askin' each other! What'd you come up with? You think I fuckin' set you up? I don't know, but somebody did. Nobody did. You fuckin' assholes turned the jewelry store-- - Don't you call me an asshole! - You fuckin' idiot! Turned the jewelry store into a wild west show... and you wonder why the fuckin' cops show up? Where's Joseph? I don't know. I ain't talked to him. I talked to Dov. He says Daddy's comin' down here and he's fuckin' pissed. He's pissed? I told you he'd be pissed. What'd Joe say? I told you, I ain't talked to him! - All I know is he's pissed. - What are you gonna do about him? Give me a fuckin' chance to eathe. I got a few questions of my own here. You ain't dying. He is. All right, Mr. Fuckin' Compassion, I will call somebody! Who? A fuckin' snake charmer! Who do you think? I'll call a doctor. They'll fix him right up. What happened to Brown and Blue? Brown's dead. We don't know what happened to Blue. Brown's dead? Are you sure? I'm sure. I was there. He took one in the head. Nobody's got a clue what happened to Mr. Blue? Either he's alive or he's dead... or the cops got him or they don't. I take it this is the bastard you told me about. Why are you beatin' on him? Maybe he could tell us who set us up. You beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the Chicago Fire. Now that don't necessarily make it fuckin' so! Come on, man, think! All right, first things fuckin' last. Who's got the stones? Please, somebody tell me one little fuckin' favor. I got a bag. Okay? I stashed it 'til we could be sure this place wasn't a police station. Good for you. Now let's go get it. First we gotta get rid of those cars. It looks like Sam's Hot Car Lot outside. Okay. Blondie, stay here and baby-sit them two. White and Pink, take a car each. I'll follow you. You ditch 'em. Pick up the stones. While I'm followin' you, I'll arrange some sort of a doctor for our friend. You can't leave these guys here with him. - Why not? - Because he's a fuckin' psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed off... that ain't nothin' compared to how pissed off I am at him... for puttin' me in the same room as that bastard. You see what I've been puttin' up with, Eddie? I fuckin' walked in here, I told these guys about stayin' put. Mr. White whips out his gun, he's stickin' it in my face... callin' me a motherfucker, sayin' he's gonna blow me away... and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's the reason the joint turned into a shootin' spree. What are you, a fuckin' silent partner? Tell him! He went crazy in the store, but he seems all right now. This is what he was doin': bam, bam... bam, bam. Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I told 'em not to touch the fuckin' alarm, they did. If they hadn't have done what I told 'em not to do, they'd still be alive. My fuckin' hero. Thanks. That's your excuse for going on a kill-crazy rampage? I don't like alarms, Mr. White. What does it matter who stays with the cop? We ain't lettin' him go. He's seen everybody. I haven't been looking at you guys. Shut the fuck up, man! You guys should never have taken him outta the trunk in the first place. - We tried to find out about the setup. - There is no fuckin' setup! Now here's the news! Blondie, you stay here, take care of these two! White and Pink, you come with me, 'cause if Joe gets here... and he sees all these cars parked outside... I swear to you he's gonna be just as mad at me as he is at you. Fine. Let's go. Alone at last. Guess what. I think I'm parked in the red zone. Now, where were we? I told you, I don't know anything about any fuckin' setup. I've been on the force for only eight months. They don't tell me anything. Nobody tells me shit. You can torture me all you want. Torture you? That's a good-- That's a good idea. I like that one, yeah. Even your boss said there wasn't a setup. - My what? - Your boss. Excuse me, pal. One thing I wanna make clear to you: I don't have a boss. Nobody tells me what to do. You understand? You hear what I said, you son of a bitch? All right, all right, all right, you don't have a boss. Get that fuckin' shit off. Look, I'm not gonna bullshit you, okay? I don't really give a good fuck what you know or don't know... but I'm gonna torture you anyway... regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing to me... to torture a cop. You can say anything you want because I've heard it all before. All you can do is... pray for a quick death... which... you ain't gonna get. Oh, God. You ever listen to K-BILLY's Super Sounds of the '70s? It's my personal favorite. Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty were a duo known as Stealer's Wheel... when they recorded this Dylanesque, pop, bubble-gum favorite... from April of 1974. That reached up to number five... as K-BILLY's Super Sounds of the '70s continues. Hold still. Hold still, you fuck. Was that good for you too? Hey, what's goin' on? You hear that? Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. Don't! Stop! Stop! - What? What's the matter? - Don't do this. That burn a little bit? Don't! Stop! Please stop. Just stop. Stop. Just talk to me. Don't. Please. Don't burn me, please. I don't know anything about any of you fucking guys. I'm not gonna say anything. No! Please, no. - You all through? - Stop! You all through? Please. I got a little kid at home. You all done? - Don't! - Have some fire. Oh, shit. Hey, you. What's your name? Marvin. Marvin what? Marvin Nash. Listen to me, Marvin. I'm a-- Listen to me, Marvin Nash. I'm a cop. Yeah, I know. You do? Yeah. Your name's Freddy somethin'. Newendyke. Freddy Newendyke. Frankie Ferchetti... introduced us about five months ago. I don't remember that at all. I do. Freddy. How do I look? What? I don't know what to tell you, Marvin. That fuck. That sick fuck! That fuckin' bastard! Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's cops waiting to move a block away. What the fuck are they waiting for? This fuckin' guy, he slashes my face... and cuts my fuckin' ear off! I'm fuckin' deformed! Fuck you! I'm fuckin' dyin' here! I'm fuckin' dyin'! They're not to make a move 'til Joe Cabot shows up. I was sent in to get him. All right? You heard 'em. They said he's on his way. Don't pussy out on me now, Marvin. We're just gonna sit here and bleed... 'til Joe Cabot sticks his fuckin' head through that door. Say hello to a motherfucker who's inside. Cabot's doing a job. He wants me on the team. This better not be a joke. This ain't a joke. I'm in. I'm up his ass. Nice Guy Eddie tells me Joe wants to meet me. He says I should just wait for a phone call. After waiting three days he calls me last night and says Joe's ready. - He'll pick me up in 15 minutes. - Who picked you up? - Nice Guy. We get to a bar. - What bar? Smokey Pete's in Gardena. We get there... and I meet Joe and a guy named Mr. White. Phony name. My name's Mr. Orange. - Mr. Orange? - Mr. Orange. Okay, Mr. Orange. - You ever see this motherfucker before? - Who? Mr. White? Yes. Mr. White. No. He ain't one of Cabot's men either. He's gotta be from out of town. - Joe knows him good. - How can you tell? The way they talk. You can tell they're buddies. - You two talk? - Me and Joe? Mr. White. - A little. - About what? The Brewers. Milwaukee Brewers? They won the night before. He made some money off them. Good. If this crook's a Brewers fan, he's gotta be from Wisconsin. And I'll bet you everything... they got a sheet in Milwaukee on this Mr. White's ass. So I want you to go through everybody in Milwaukee... with a history of armed robbery and put a name to the face. - Nice work, Freddy. - Thank you, my man. - How was Long Beach Mike's referral? - Perfect. His backing me up went a long way. I told them I played poker with him. Nice Guy checked it out and said it was A-okay. Said I was a good thief, I didn't rattle... and that I was ready to move. He's a good guy. I wouldn't be inside without him. Long Beach Mike is not your friend. Long Beach Mike is a fucking scumbag. He's selling out his friends. That's how nice he fuckin' is. I'll take care of his ass... but you get that scumbag out of mind and take care of business. Gone. Use the commode story? - What's the commode story? - It's a scene. Memorize it. - A what? - Undercover cops gotta be Brando. To do this job you gotta be a great actor, naturalistic. You gotta be naturalistic as hell. If you're a bad actor, that's bullshit in this job. What is this? That's an amusing anecdote about a drug deal. Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a job. I gotta memorize all this? There's four pages of this shit. Think about it like it's a joke. Memorize what's important. The rest you make your own. You can tell a joke, can't you? Well, pretend you're Don Rickles... and tell a joke, all right? The things you gotta remember are the details. The details sell your story. This particular story takes place in a men's room. You gotta know all the details-- whether they got paper towels or a blower to dry your hands. You gotta know if the stalls ain't got no doors or not. You gotta know if they got liquid soap or that pink, granulated shit... they used in high school. You gotta know if they got hot water or not, if it stinks... if some nasty, lowlife, scum-ridden motherfucker... sprayed diarrhea all over one of the bowls. You gotta know every detail there is to know about this commode. What you gotta do is take all them details and make 'em your own. While you're doing that, remember that this story is about you... and how you perceived the events that went down. The only way to do that... is keep sayin' it... and sayin' it and sayin' it. This is during the L.A. marijuana drought, 1986. I still had a connection, which was insane 'cause... you couldn't get any weed anywhere then. Anyway, I had a connection with this hippie chick in Santa Cruz... and all my friends knew it. They call me and say, Hey, Freddy-- I say, Hey, dude. You gettin' some? Can you get some for me too? They knew I still smoked, so they asked me to buy some for them. It got to be-- Every time I bought some weed I was buyin' for four or five people. Finally I said, fuck this shit. I'm makin' this bitch rich. She didn't even have to meet these people. I was doing all the work. That got to be a pain in the ass, people calling all the time. I couldn't even rent a tape without six fuckin' interruptions. When's the next time you're gettin' some? Motherfucker, I'm tryin' to watch The Lost Boys. When I get some, I'll call you. Then these rink-a-dink potheads come by. They're my friends and everything, but still-- I got it laid out in 60-dollar bags, they don't want 60 dollars worth. They want ten dollars' worth, and eaking it up wasn't easy. I don't even know what ten dollars' worth looks like. This was a very weird situation. Remember back in '86... there was a major fuckin' drought. Nobody had anything. People were livin' on resin, smokin' the wood in their pipes. This chick had a bunch and she's beggin' me to sell it. So I told her I wasn't gonna be Joe the pot man anymore... but I would take a little bit and sell it to my close friends. She agreed and we kept the same arrangement as before-- ten percent and free pot for me... if I helped her that weekend. She was sellin' a ick of weed and didn't wanna go to the buy alone. Her other usually goes with her, but he's in County unexpectedly. What for? His traffic tickets gone to warrant. They stopped him, found warrants on him, took him to County. She doesn't wanna walk around alone with all that weed. I don't wanna do this. I have a very bad feeling about it. She keeps asking me, asking me. Finally I said okay 'cause I'm sick of hearing it. - So we go to the train station-- - Wait. You're goin' to the train station with the weed on ya? The guy needed it right away. Anyway, we get to the train station... and we're waitin' for the guy. I'm carryin' the weed in a carry-on bag. I gotta take a piss, so I tell her I'm goin' to the boy's room. So I walk into the men's room and who's standing there? Four Los Angeles County sheriffs and a German shepherd. - They're waitin' for you? - No, they're just talkin'. When I walked in, they all stopped talkin'... and they looked at me. That's hard. That's a fuckin' hard situation. German shepherd starts barking. He's barkin' at me. I mean, it's obvious he's barkin' at me. Every nerve ending, all of my senses, the blood in the veins was screamin': Take off, man. Just bail. Get the fuck outta there. Panic hits me like a bucket of water. Bam! Right in the face. I'm drenched in panic and these cops are lookin' at me and they know it. They can smell it, sure as that fuckin' dog can. They can smell it on me. Shut up. So anyway, I got my gun drawn. I point it at this guy and I tell him... Freeze. Don't fuckin' move. This little idiot's looking right at me and saying... I know, I know. But meanwhile his right hand is creepin' toward the glove box. I scream at him, Asshole! I'm gonna blow you away right now! Put your hands on the dash. He's still looking at me, nodding his head. I know, buddy, I know. Meanwhile his hand is still going for the glove box. And I said... Buddy, I'm gonna shoot you in the face... if you don't put your hands up. Then this guy's girlfriend, this real sexy Oriental bitch... she starts screaming at him: Chuck, what are you doin'? Listen to the officer! Put your hands on the dash! So then the guy snaps out of it and puts his hands on the dash. What was he goin' for? His fucking registration. - You're kidding. - No, man! Stupid citizen doesn't know how close he came to gettin' blown away. That close, man. You knew how to handle that situation. You shit your pants, dive in and swim. Tell me more about Cabot. I don't know. He's a cool guy. He's funny. He's a funny guy. You remember the Fantastic Four? Yeah, with that invisible bitch... and Flame on and shit, right? Thing. Motherfucker... Iooks just like the Thing. Hey! Showtime! Grab your jacket. I'm parked outside. I'll be right down. He'll be right down. Don't pussy out on me now. They don't know. They don't know shit. You're not gonna get hurt. You're fuckin' Baretta. They believe every fuckin' word 'cause you're super cool. There goes our boy. The guy has to have rocks in his head the size of Gi altar... to work undercover. - You want one of these? - Yeah, give me the bear claw. I know what I'm talking about. Black women ain't the same as white women. There's a slight difference. Very funny. You know what I mean. What a white bitch will put up with, a black bitch wouldn't for a minute. If you cross their line, they fuck you up. I gotta go along with Pink on that. Okay, Mr. Expert, if this is such a truism... why is it that every nigger I know treats his woman like a piece of shit? I'll bet those same niggers who show their ass in public... when their bitches get 'em home they chill the fuck out. - Not these guys. - Oh, yeah. Those guys too. Tell you guys a story. In one of Daddy's clubs there's a black cocktail waitress named Elois. - Elois? - Yeah, Elois. E and Lois. We called her Lady E. Where was she from? Compton? She's from Ladora Heights. Ladora Heights. The black Beverly Hills. It's not the black Beverly Hills. It's the black Palos Verdes. Anyway... Lady E, she was a man-eater-upper. Un-fuckin'-believable. Every guy who ever saw her had to jack off to her at least once. You know who she looked like? Christie Love. Remember that TV show Get Christie Love... about the black female cop? She always used to say, You're under arrest, sugar! - Who played Christie Love? - Pam Grier. No, it wasn't Pam Grier. Pam Grier was the other one. Pam Grier did the film. Christie Love was like a Pam Grier TV show without Pam Grier. - So, who was Christie Love? - How should I know? Great. Now I'm totally fuckin' tortured. Whoever it was, she looked exactly like Elois. Anne Francis. No. That was Honey West. Anne Francis is white. I'm tryin' to tell a story here. She looked exactly like Elois. We come into the club one night... and there's Carlos, the bartender. He's a wetback. He's a friend of mine. I says to him, Carlos, where's Lady E tonight? Apparently Lady E... was married to real piece of dog shit, a real animal. He used to do things to her. Like what? What would he do? Beat her up? I don't know. He just did things. So anyway, one night she plays it real cool. She waits for him to get drunk. He falls asleep on the fuckin' couch. She sneaks up on him, puts some glue on his dick... and glues his dick to his belly. Jesus Christ! I'm serious, man. I'm dead serious. They had to call the paramedics to cut the prick loose. Was he all pissed off? How would you feel if you had to do a fuckin' handstand to take a piss? You guys like to tell jokes and giggle and kid around, huh? Giggling like a bunch of girls in the schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys sittin' in a bullpen... San Quentin... wonderin' how the fuck they got there. What did we do wrong? What shouldn't we have done? It's your fault, his fault-- All that bullshit. Finally somebody says... Wait a minute. While we were planning this caper... we just sat around tellin' fuckin' jokes. Got the message? I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over, and I'm sure it'll be successful... we'll go down to Hawaiian lslands, I'll laugh with all of youse. Find me a different character down there. Right now it's a matter of business. With the exception of Eddie and myself... who you already know... we're gonna be using aliases on this job. Under no circumstances... do we want any one of you to relate to each other... by your Christian names. And I don't want any talk about yourself personally. That includes where you been, your wife's name... where you might've done time... or a bank maybe you robbed in St. Petersburg. All I want you guys to talk about, if you have to... is what you're gonna do. That should do it. These are your names-- Mr. Brown, Mr. White... Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue... Mr. Orange and Mr. Pink. - Why am I Mr. Pink? - Because you're a faggot! All right? - Why can't we pick our own colors? - No way. No way. Tried it once. It doesn't work. You get four guys all fightin' over who gets to be Mr. Black. They don't know each other, so nobody wants to back down. No way. I pick. You're Mr. Pink. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow. But Mr. Brown, that's too close to Mr. Shit. Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. How about Mr. Purple? That's sounds good. I'll be Mr. Purple. You're not Mr. Purple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Purple. You're Mr. Pink! Who cares what your name is? Easy for you to say. You're Mr. White. You have a cool-sounding name. If it's no big deal to be Mr. Pink, you wanna trade? Nobody's tradin' with anybody. This ain't a goddamn fuckin' city council meeting, you know. Now listen up, Mr. Pink. There's two ways you can go on this job-- my way or the highway. What's it gonna be, Mr. Pink? Jesus Christ, Joe. Fuckin' forget about it. It's beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink. Let's move on. I'll move on when I feel like it. Do all you guys got the goddamn message? I'm so goddamn mad hollerin' at you guys, I can hardly talk. Let's go to work. Let's go over it. Where are you? I stand outside and guard the door. I don't let anybody go in or out. - Mr. Brown. - He waits in the car. I give him the signal, he pulls up in front. Mr. Blonde and Mr. Blue. Crowd control. They handle the customers and the employees. - That girl's ass. - Sittin' right here on my dick. Myself and Mr. Pink? You two take the manager and make him give you the diamonds. We're there for those stones, period. Since no display cases are being fucked with, no alarms should go off. We're out in two minutes, not one second longer. What if the manager won't give you the diamonds? A store like this is insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer or an employee who thinks he's Charles Bronson... smash their nose with your gun. Drops him right to the floor. Everyone jumps. He falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose. Freaks everybody out. Nobody says fuckin' shit after that. Some bitch might talk shit to you. Give her a look like she's next. Watch her shut the fuck up. If it's the manager, that's different. The managers know not to fuck around... so if he's giving you static... he probably thinks he's a real cowboy so you gotta that bastard in two. If he won't tell ya something, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry. Let's get a taco. Fuck. Jesus. I'm blind, man. I'm fuckin' blind. No, you just got blood in your eyes. Is he dead? Did he die or not? Let's go. Hold it! Get out! Get out of the fuckin' car! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Larry. I can't believe she killed me. Who'd have fucking thought that? Hey, just cancel that shit right now. You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad. But you ain't dying. All this blood's scaring the shit out of me, Larry. I'm gonna die. I know it. What the fuck happened? He slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear and was gonna burn him alive. What? I didn't hear you. I said... Blonde went crazy. He slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear and was gonna burn him alive. This cop? He went crazy? Something like that? Worse or better? Eddie, he was pulling a burn, man. He was gonna kill the cop and me. When you guys walked in, he was gonna kill you and run with the diamonds. What'd I tell ya? That sick piece of shit was a stone-cold psycho. You should've asked the cop, not just killed him. He talked about what he was gonna do when he was slicing him up. I don't buy it. Doesn't make sense. Makes perfect fuckin' sense to me. You didn't see how he acted during the job. We did. He's right. The ear's hacked off. Let me just say this out loud, 'cause I wanna get this straight. You're saying that Mr. Blonde... was gonna kill you... and then when we got back he was gonna kill us... take the diamonds and scram. I'm right about that, right? That's your story? I swear on my mother's soul... that's what happened. The man you killed just got released from prison. He got caught at a company warehouse full of hot items. He could've fuckin' walked. All he had to do was say my dad's name, but he didn't; he kept his mouth shut. He did his fuckin' time like a man. He did four years for us. So, Mr. Orange... you're telling me that this good friend of mine... who did four years for my father... who, in four years, never made a deal, no matter what they offered him... you're telling me that now that he's free... and we're making good on our commitment to him... he's just gonna decide, out of the fucking blue... to rip us off? Why don't you tell me what really happened. What the hell for? It'd just be more bullshit. This man set us up. Dad, I'm sorry, but I don't know what's happening. - It's all right. I do. - What are you talking about? That lump of shit's workin' with the L.A.P.D. I don't have the slightest fucking idea... what you're talking about. Joe, I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. Like hell I am. Trust me on this. You've made a mistake. He's a good kid. I understand you're super-fuckin'-pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know him. He wouldn't do that. You don't know jack shit! I do. The cocksucker tipped off the cops... and got Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue killed. - Mr. Blue is dead? - Dead as Dillinger. How do you know all this? He was the only one I wasn't 100 percent on. I should have my head examined, going ahead when I wasn't 100 percent. - That's your proof? - With instinct, you don't need proof. I ignored it before, but no more. Have you lost your fuckin' mind? I'm not gonna let you make a terrible mistake. Come on, guys. Nobody wants this. We're supposed to be fuckin' professionals. Larry, look... it's been quite a long time. A lot of jobs. There's no need for this, man. Let's just put our guns down... and let's settle this... with a fucking conversation. Joe, if you kill that man, you die next. you kill him, you die next. Larry, we have been friends. You respect my dad and I respect you... but I'll put bullets in you. You put that fuckin' gun down now. Goddamn you, Joe... don't make me do this. Larry, you stop pointin' that gun at my dad! I'm sorry, kid. Looks like we're gonna... do a little time. I'm a cop. Larry... I'm sorry. I'm... so sorry. I'm a cop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm... sorr-- Freeze! Drop the fucking gun, buddy! - Now! - Put the gun down! - Don't do it! - Drop the gun, man! - Drop the fucking gun! - We're gonna blow you away!

How was your day today? How was it? Well then, shall we talk? First, tell me about yourself Who do you think you are? Do you know who this is? Don't know? It's your family Want to see it again? Fine then Can you tell me about that day? About what happened? You should be able to remember it clearly It's okay From now on tell me what happened Aren't you getting out? Su-yeon Su-yeon! It's so pretty Give me your hand The other one Why? Su-mi! Welcome home! It's been such a long time You've changed so much, Su-yeon You've gotten prettier... But you two really disappointed me I waited all day for you two cooking and cleaning the house but why didn't you say hi first? What did you do? Were you at the wharf? You should've changed first before you went outside Anyway welcome back home Is something wrong? I see you've gotten better I'm so glad you feel better now You're taking after your mom You're feeling a lot better too, right? Right I bet you're both tired Get some rest and come down for dinner I'm preparing a special dinner But, you should give me some time There's a lot to prepare We just got back Things don't look so good right now It wouldn't help much if you came Yeah, I know Let's talk later I should go So you're doing okay, right? Did I tell you? Sun-kyu and his wife are coming over lt'll be alright I'll take care of it Okay, bye Oh right! I invited Sun-kyu and his wife over for dinner this weekend Really? Lt'll be nice for them to see the girls after so long And to catch up on things That was delicious Sorry, I have things to tend to You must be tired so clean it up tomorrow Did you prepare your father's undergarments? Thanks, but that's my job Cleaning my room is my job, too Why'd you touch my stuff? That's how it was before So all of the same clothes were hanging there before? I'm not having dinner with him What? I said I'm not having dinner with that guy He's not some guy he's your uncle It's the first day so let's give it a rest - And you? - Yes? Aren't you going to follow her? You're supposed to follow your sister What did that woman tell you? If she ever gets on your case then tell me And don't ignore it like before Okay? Good night What's wrong? Did you have a bad dream? Was it the closet? Then what's wrong? I keep hearing strange noises outside It's because you've been away too long It's okay Let's sleep Somebody came into my room He's asleep - I know - Then why are you trying to wake him? Says who? You were trying to wake him just now Have something to tell him? It's none of your business All I'm saying is since his fast asleep Don't wake him up Don't you understand me? I just came down for water He's asleep so be quiet Did you go to my room? Yes Who was it? That woman Stepmom? Yeah It's strange What is? That woman is strange And so is this house Are you scared? Everything's alright I'm here Come here Let's sleep I'll always be with you Su-yeon Go away Are you awake? Yes - Can I come in? - No Come down and eat What are you doing? Are you having your period? No, Su-yeon is... Su-yeon? That's so funny How could we both get our periods on the same date? Su-mi... It's okay, come down That's mom's favorite, huh? Do it like this Shall we kill them? Let's set them free She'll have a cow if we mess with her precious I'd hate to see that Su-mi What are you doing out in the cold? Are you alright? Why? You don't look so good Are you feeling sick? No, I'm okay Tell me what's wrong? I said I'm okay Just get rid of Su-yeon's closet Su-mi we agreed not to talk about that closet You promised, right? Su-mi I know you're very angry with me And I know I'm a bad father You're not even a bad father It's cold so let's go inside I will What are you doing? You scared me When did you come in? - Did you go to the warehouse? - Yeah Su-yeon, look at this Tada! Wow - Cool - Pretty, huh? - Is it mom's? - Yup, and... There's more It's mom! Taritakoom, taritakoom What does that mean? It's a spell to call mom Who told you that? - Mom did - What? Can I take this? Huh? Sure... This... and this Wait! What is this? Who did this to you? Tell me, who did this? It's okay, tell me She did this, huh? She did this, didn't she? Su-yeon what's wrong with you? I told you to tell me everything! She did this, right? She did this, huh? Did she do this? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! What? How can you be so cruel? It's retribution If you disobey you need to be punished Does dad know what you did? Think your father can solve everything? Then go get him Want me to do it? Sit down! Where are your manners? Were you like this to your mom, too? Don't ing up my mom! Listen carefully I'm your mother, got it? As much as you hate it I'm the only one in this world you can call mother, got it? Crying over your mom's photos won't change anything Hard to handle, huh? That's too bad But that's how the world is The world isn't as sweet as you picture it Sometimes you have to bear the worst and live on Like the way I'm bearing you two! Tough isn't it? I have beared you two ats from the moment I came to this house I have never met such ill-mannered menaces like you two What? Why the hell did you even come here? I can't believe you said that to me again I see, you still must be sick Don't touch me - Let go! - What's wrong with you? Are you that clueless? Don't touch me with those filthy hands! Su-mi, listen to me I don't want to hear it You're the same That's not true you've misunderstood You're not even accepting all this Why is it always me? Why are you asking only me to understand? Are you really clueless? Yeah, Maybe I don't know I don't have all the answers I don't know, so tell me and let it off your chest Tell me! Will it change anything? Will it? Su-mi Don't do this Please don't You'll get sick again What? Fine From now on anything that happens here all the filthy things you ought here be responsible for it all I have nothing more to say so answer the phone Do you remember? My memory's a bit blurry but I think it did happen When was it? Hey, remember this? You jumped into the rive to catch some fish Then you started to drown and everyone had a fit There was another funny story What was it? Oh yeah, I remember Remember that crazy guy? The funny thing is is that he was always normal but whenever it rained he went nuts While plowing the field he'd strip off his clothes when it rained and run out into the highway The funniest time was when it rained off and on So he'd put on and take off his clothes, again and again Then he got sick of it and just went into his house

Everyone in the neighborhood laughed so much back then But when... But when he was little he saw him doing that once He saw him doing that once and then he ran together with that crazy guy Our mom saw that and she almost passed out Do you remember? You remember, right? Say something Don't you remember? You remember, right? No I don't remember What? I said I don't remember Why don't you remember? Are you crazy? Mi-hee! Mi-hee! Wait, hold on to her - What's wrong? - Wake up! Bring some water Are you alright, Mi-hee? Water, water I'm sorry, it's all my fault Mi-hee! It's okay It's alright, Mi-hee It's alright I'm sorry I didn't want to come but your father begged me to so I had no choice - Honey - Yes? I saw something strange in that house What did you see? There was a girl under the sink Just go in - Can't you just stay here? - Why? It's strange What's strange? It's strange After the girls came down weird things have been happening in this house Don't say stupid things Didn't you see it? You're just having a hard time adjusting You'll get better if you rest No There's something in this house I'll look around, so lie down Open the door! Open it! Open the god damn door! I'll show you Get up! Get off the bed Get off now! I said now! Come here, right now! You pest... Talk! A person can't get any rest around this household Tell me Who did it? Who did it? Who? Better tell me the truth Who did it! Was it Su-mi? You two need to learn a lesson! Was it your sister? So do you feel better looking at your dead mom's things? Feel happy after seeing the photos? Say that you're sorry Until you do, don't even think about coming out There's no use in crying Say that you're sorry and beg for forgiveness! I'm sorry What? Say it right I'm sorry I'll ask you once more You're admitting that you're sorry, right? Stop crying I don't want to hear it, so stop it now! Are you... Are you mad? Is that why you're crying? Fine, let's see how long you hold up This will put some sense into you two Su-yeon Su-yeon, I'm sorry I didn't hear you I'm sorry, Su-yeon I'm sorry This won't happen again I promise Don't cry, it's okay - Tell me - What? Why the hell are you doing this? Tell me why you've acted so weird since you got here You really don't know? Don't know what? What is it? I'm talking about what that woman is doing to us! So tell me what has she done? She keeps harassing Su-yeon What? Didn't you hear me? I said she keeps harassing Su-yeon! She's vicious, evil and always locks Su-yeon up in the closet! Su-mi, please stop it Stop what? You know that Su-yeon is scared of her Su-yeon, you tell dad Stop crying and tell him now Tell him! Please stop it! Su-yeon... is dead What? No... Su-yeon is dead So pull yourself together How long will you keep this up? It's not true, Su-yeon Su-yeon... Su-yeon No... No... Come down tomorrow, I can't do it alone Hmm... She's getting worse I'll pick you up call me when you get here Su-yeon! Su-yeon! Su-yeon! - Su-mi! - Su-yeon! Su-yeon! Su-yeon! Su-yeon! I am fed up with your family How did we come to this? Don't you get it yet? Remember what I told you before? Remember when I said you'll regret it some day? You... Know what's really scary? You want to forget something Totally wipe it off of your mind But you never can It can't go away, you see And... And it follows you around like a ghost Help me Sure, I'll help you Let's end it here Su-mi! Su-mi! Su-mi! Where's Su-mi? Where? Please stop it I'm sick of it now Take this you'll feel much better Su-mi! Don't you get it yet? You're just having a hard time adjusting You still must be sick You promised not to ing up that closet How could we both get our periods on the same date? Su-yeon is dead! No, I don't remember! Su-mi, are you okay? It's all over now You'll feel better here Get some rest I'll come and visit often Take care of yourself Bye Su-mi, what's wrong? Let go Let go, Su-mi Please stop it and let go - No, I'll get it - Let me take one Mom... Su-yeon! Su-yeon! Mom? Mom? Mom, mom! Mom! Mom, mom, mom! Mom! Didn't you hear something? Why'd you come up here? Dad's not here What do you mean by that? Now you're trying to act like mom Do me a favor Stay out of our lives Can you get out of the way? I have to go You... You might regret this moment Keep that in mind! What can be worse than standing here with you? When you're here I wanna be as far away from you as I can Understand? Su-mi! Su-mi! Help me... Su-mi Su-mi... Su-mi... Su-mi...

Dear Mom, get well soon Tell the head nurse to stay. Ryoko, Ryoko... Ryoko, Ryoko... Hello! I'm sorry. 5:28 PM. I ought this for Mom. 7 years later Hey, let's go home. The waves are too high. Dad, no luck again? You don't understand. I'm only after the big ones. I prefer real-life girls to imaginary big fish. Well... When you grow up, you'll understand. It's called romanticism. Hello. I have done the planning. I'll ing it tomorrow. Yes... Hello? Sorry I have to go. This is too big for us. We'll share it with Rie. You don't ing friends home anymore. Is everything OK? Did you know that black sea eam originate as males? What? When they reach 15cm long, they become unisex. Then some become female. Oh really? What about this one? We saw ovaries. Did we? I don't know very much about ovaries. You don't look young anymore. What? You look very plain. Gang. Hey, Dad, why don't you get remarried? Why do you say that? I just simply think so. Thanks for the dinner. It's your turn for the dishes. It looks like a ceremony for a religious cult. They're pretty much the same. Lonely. Happy people wouldn't go to that kind of concert. The whole of Japan is lonely. Are you? You too, right? Boss. Mr. Ueno wants to change tomorrow's meeting from 1:00 to 3:30pm. That's okay by me. I'll be here. I'll drop in at Starts and then meet Yoshikawa tonight. I won't be back at the office. Any changes and I'll call you on your cell phone. Yeah. Well... I'm going to marry soon. Really? Congratulations. To whom? Someone you don't know. Congratulations anyway. - You're a busy man. - It's all right, but... The profit margins are getting thinner. How about you? Don't you know? The movie industry is profitable. Really? I'm lying. It's like a survival game, or a game of torture. - Is it no good? - Seems like a ight future ahead. But I don't know how long we can hang in there. Yoshikawa. Didn't you say the same thing a year ago? Did I? Awful girls. No class and stuck up. Stupid as well. Where are all the good girls? Japan is finished. Let me say... I intend to get married again. Well, what made you decide to do that? Who's she? I haven't found her yet. My son said to me that I look old and that I should get married again. That's the story. You look old... How are you going to look for one? An arranged marriage? No, that's not my style. I wish there was a very nice woman hiding somewhere. What is your ideal woman like? Preferably young? Not too young. She could possibly have a job, and some training. Training? For instance, playing the piano, singing or dancing. You ex-wife Ryoko was like that. Certain training gives people confidence. A lack of confidence ings unhappiness. Pianist. It'll cost you more. She need not necessarily be a professional. I don't want to fail at marriage at my age. I'd like to have enough time to observe her. I'd like to see many women and then choose my ideal one. What are you laughing at? Am I expecting too much? I probably am. No, I can handle that. I have an idea. Have an audition. It'll be a romantic story. Remember your documentary? Love triangle between dancer, patron and a Down syndrome boy. Teamed up with a German TV station. I'll rearrange the story. Any problems? I don't see any problems, but we're going to audition? Trust me. Have I ever disappointed you? Well no, but... The heroine is supposed to be in her early 20's to 30. The conditions are that she be a well trained person. No problems, huh? Wouldn't it be fraudulent? This audition is not only about finding you a wife. It's part of making a movie. Collect enough money, we have the movie. The story isn't bad. Well... Am I supposed to marry the main girl? No, a girl with that much talent wouldn't marry you. They aren't the marrying type. Really good ones will always fail the second interview. Really? They are quite attractive. Smart, with a good up inging. Traditional and well trained. Wishing her to be your son's wife? I don't get it. Why can't she get the main part? They are not unhappy. Happy people can't act well. And another thing. I have a plan to work with FM, I'll combine this. Make another program called Tomorrow's Heroine. Trust me. I'm a pro at auditions. This is Yoshikawa. I'm in room number 2. Coffee? Is coffee OK for you? Bring two coffees please. I'm in a middle of a traffic jam, I might be late... Please hand that tape to Mr. Kaneda. Thanks. Tomorrow's heroine. I'm just wondering where you are? Wonderful things might happen. If you encourage yourself a little bit more. Every star has their defining moment. Hepburn and Julia Roberts. They led their own lives prior to becoming heroines. Tomorrow's heroine is living at the same time as you are. No, tomorrow's heroine could be you yourself. I'm home. - Here we go. - You're home early. That's right, I've got to work at home tonight. Please heat up your dinner. The bigger dish is for Shigehiko. - Thanks. - See you on Monday. My daughter's here this weekend. I've got to go shopping. That's nice. Hey Gang. Please put your washing in the basket. Good bye. - Thanks. - Bye. - Hello. - It's me. Yoshikawa. I'm checking the applications. They're all good, right? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It's like buying my first car. Don't mix your car and wife. I intend to hold the audition next week. Choose 30 applicants. - 30 applicants? - That's right. Alright. I'll let you know. Don't trust pictures. Composition can be more useful. Understood. - See you. - Bye. Choose 30 from all of you? You're home? Why don't you knock at the door? You just arrived? Yeah. Dinner? I'll eat later. Why don't you eat first? Alright. I'm having a guest tonight. Girlfriend? Give her my dinner. Thank you. What did I do! Asami Yamazaki. Classical Ballet for 12 years. I'm not sure that I can make an actress of myself. And you probably won't choose me. I was simply attracted to this story. I studied ballet, but damaged my hips when I was 18. I was devastated as I intended to practice in London. Ballet was my priority. So my dream collapsed. It might sound exaggerated, but it's like accepting death. Living is another way of reaching death. I think I know these facts very well. That's why I applied for this part. - When was this dinosaur living? - About the later Cretaceous period. The later part of Cretaceous means... That's a Sauropod, right? Good. What about the dinosaur that has the Syracuse model? - I don't know. - Do you want to see? - Hi! Good evening. - Good evening. I'm his father. My name is Misuzu. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. I often see her on the train. I thought she was pretty, so I talked to her. Good job. I'm interested in biology. He showed me his books. - We ate your dinner. - Fine. Was it his? I'm sorry I ate your meal. Terribly sorry. - I will cook something for you. - Don't worry about it. Take it easy. Gang. Good boy. Let's go for a walk. Shigehiko, make sure she gets home alright. Of course. OK boy, come on. Let's go, Gang. Ready? Well... I feel like a criminal. I'm ready. Let's start. Pleased to meet you. Please sit. My name is Yu Tanaka. Please have a seat. - Are you nervous? - A little bit. - Sorry, you are the first one. - That's OK. We're going to tape you. But don't worry. Do you mind if I ask what your father's job is? Well... my father's... job is... What can I say? Next one. I'm going to ask you frankly. Why did you apply for this part? Have you ever had sex with someone you don't like? Are you interested in drugs? Can you act a little bit for us? - Sure. - Go ahead. What music do you like? - Which actress do you like? - I like Mituko Mori. Next. I used to love sports. At school, I played... Did you ever want to work for the sex industry? I have a friend who is working in that area. Next. What are men to you? Have you ever seen Tarkovsky's films? Ren Osugi. We have some sex scenes. Can you handle that? No problem. Are you psychic? Next. May I ask you a question? Can you smile? What kind of men don't you like? Yoko Sugimura. Nice to meet you. If I didn't have confidence I wouldn't be an actress. Excuse me. When I was 2, mother decided that I'd be an actress. Can you walk around the chair? Turn around. Next please. Nice meeting you. It's time for a eak from our schedule. We're 30 minutes late. Let's take a 10 minute eak. Sure. You don't seem too enthusiastic. Don't tell me you're not interested anymore. It's not like that. Then what? I'm nervous myself. I need to use the toilet. I lived in Paris for 3 years. And have come back to Tokyo as a designer. I can't think about anything else but being an actress. My office was only for adult videos. Keep her for another job. I'm not satisfied being called a cover girl queen. This scar is from my first suicide attempt and this is from the second. I've been to an asylum 3 times. Next. Emi Kitani. Pleased to meet you. We finished your interview before. But I haven't finished what I have to say. You have a nice career, why do you want to be an actress? I think I've been doing very well, but... Sorry. I'm a children's nurse. My work is very hard... Next please. Ms. Asami Yamazaki. Please. - Asami Yamazaki. - Have a seat. - Sorry for the delay. - It's OK. Have you done any movies or TV jobs? I've had many opportunities, but actually haven't done any. Do you belong to any agency? Not really. But I'm on keep for a record company director. But we haven't contacted each other recently. - Which record company? - Ace Records. Could you tell me your personal contact's name? Japanese music dept. Director Shibata. Since you quit your previous job, you're unemployed? How do you manage your daily expenses? If you don't mind telling us. I help at a friend's shop. 3 times a week. What kind of shop? A small bar in Ginza. The owner used to be a class mate in voice training. If I keep my costs low, I have no money problems. Don't you want to lead a luxurious life? Too poor isn't good. But I can afford books and CDs. That's enough for me. Can I ask you about ballet? Certainly. - You damaged your hips. - That's correct. It must have been awful to quit what you'd been doing. Yes. I must sound a bit rude but... Your writing says that quitting what you liked... ...is almost similar to accepting death. I was highly impressed. I think everybody has similar experiences. In your lifetime when you have something beyond your control. What can you do but accept it? I think that's life. I mean... I was amazed a young girl like you understands that. I think you live your life in a very thoughtful way. That's what I thought. Thank you very much. Are you finished? Thank you for coming. - We may contact you later. - Yes. Excuse me. - May I call the next one? - Let's have a 15 minute Break. Fine. Please tell Mr. Ito I'll be late. - What do you think? - She made me very nervous. I wanted a cigarette. You decided on her before the audition. I like her much more than her nice writing. I think you live your life in a very thoughtful way. It's not an interviewer's comment. I was stunned. Don't joke about that. She really impressed me. I'm sure she's a serious type of girl. She is better than her photo and may also be good-hearted. But I don't like her. What's wrong with her? Something chemical. Can't say exactly what's wrong. I just don't like her. Your girlfriend seemed nice. Misuzu? - She looked nice, but... - What? One of those girl things. I don't understand girls. Don't you? Thanks. Hey, Dad, about your remarriage. Preferably someone who cooks better than Rie. Why are you in such a hurry? New discovery of another dinosaur, from Argentina. - That one could be older than Euraptile. - Really. I'll be busy collecting information. Take a bath. Yes, hello. Sorry for calling so late. This is producer Aoyama. I interviewed you today. - Thank you for your time today. - Not at all. Well... I wondered if you might have some time to talk with me. Of course. I'd love to see you. When would be good for you? Anytime would be fine, during the daytime. Really. Let me see. For instance... Good night. This is the Aoyama residence. - It's me. - How is it? About Ms. Yamazaki. Not that I doubted her, I called Ace Records. It's no big deal, but something didn't seem right. What is it? Director Shibata isn't at the company. To be precise, he isn't there anymore. He's been missing for a year. He just disappeared. I'm nervous. Please relax, I won't ask you any special questions. You only ask of me to enjoy this nice food and talk? Absolutely. That's the best request I've ever had. Just one question. Your director contact. Mr. Shibata? I'm sorry I said so at the audition, but... In fact I've never met him. I don't belong to any actors' agency. I was advised to answer you like that. Is that so? I didn't mean to tell a lie. It's OK. I've clarified that question, that's no problem. Here we go. Looks wonderful. Go ahead. - Yummy. - Good. I hope I'm not asking you too much, and... You probably can't, but... If you have some free time... I'd like to talk to you more. I don't have anybody to be frank with. If I'm good enough, I'd love to. Really? I'm very happy about that. I'll try not to bother you. I don't mind any place. Even on the telephone would be fine. I'll write my cellular phone number on my business card. Please call me anytime. Thank you very much. Thank you for the meal too. I've decided. I don't care about the movie, I'm interested only in her. Don't worry about the movie. I'll handle that matter. But don't be too hasty. You wanted to have some time to observe your prospect. Why are you so negative about her? What's wrong with her? I only think that life isn't so easy. She is beautiful, classy and obedient. Such a woman not having any boyfriends is unthinkable. I checked out her associates, none are accessible. The bar she was talking about is also an unknown. We can't reach anybody who knows her. I wasn't born yesterday. I won't be fooled that easily. I trust myself over some other's evaluation. If there's any trouble, I can solve it. OK. You said I could find my ideal woman from an audition. I appreciate it. Hey, Aoyama. Promise me one thing. Don't call her. Hopefully I'm wrong about this, but... It's going to effect your whole life. Don't be so hasty. Cool down a bit. Alright. I promise you. You're not sick, are you? It is rare for you to take a day off. Since I've worked for you, I've never seen you like this. Oh well... It's good to have a eak. You might be a little tired. Since your wife died, you've worked very hard for your son. Forming your own company, which is doing quite well. You work too much. I wish my husband was like you. My life would be easier. You must have a nice girlfriend. I'm sure you do. Men can't maintain without female support. I've finished. I'm going home. - Bye. - See you tomorrow. I'm leaving. See you. Oh? What is it? Not really. See you tomorrow. Bye. This is Aoyama. Really? Good. I thought you wouldn't phone me anymore. If I told the truth, you might think that I'm a heavy woman. I've been longing for your call. Sorry. So how are you? What? What's so funny? I never thought about having a date with you again. So I'm pretty excited. Here we go. I never asked you about your family. Are they fine? - They're fine. - You're from Tokyo, right? They bought a house in Chiba. Just moved in last month. My father loves golf, living in Chiba is more convenient. - Really? - We are not that close. But not that distant either. Quite an average family. - Do you still work at the bar? - Yes. Is that in Ginza? It's on 4th street. Called the Stone Fish. Funny name. The Stone Fish? Shall I come for a drink? Thank you... but... ...the owner interferes with my private things. If you don't want me to come of course I won't. I'm just curious about you. I won't lie to you, definitely not. I promise. I have to tell you... Can I tell you the truth about the movie? - Someone else got the part? - It's not like that. The movie itself. Actually the sponsor didn't like some of the story. We had to suspend it. In the worst case it might not come out. Oh really? You might be hurt. Not me. But you might be. You read my composition, didn't you? I never thought I'd get the main part. It's OK. The good thing is that I met you. I felt wonderful seeing myself in the mirror. Joining images of myself and beautiful things. That's incredible, I trained myself hard to release pain. That's why I could tolerate hard lessons. But eventually I lost my precious ballet. It's hard to forget about it. But someday you'll feel that life is wonderful. That's life, isn't it? Thank you. Living alone is a hassle. I have nobody to talk with. There were some guys that approached me. But you are the first one to support me. Warmly wrapping me and trying to understand me. - Let's have dinner soon. - When will that be? Sorry. Am I pushing you? I'll call you. Yes, I'll wait for you. Here is fine. Please stop the car. She's getting off. - Thank you very much for today. - See you. - Good night. - Bye. Take me to Okusawa. Yes? - Can I talk to you for a moment? - What? Well well, the drapes are dirty. What? Well... You found a girlfriend. Am I right? Bingo. You look a little different, sometimes you even smile. She is only 24 years old. She's closer to my age. Must be very beautiful. I'm the same as you. I like the beautiful ones. Don't get fooled. I'm much cleverer than you. Have you proposed to her? Not yet. We are going away this weekend. I'm going to propose to her then. Good luck! I'll introduce her to you soon. Let me check her out first. I trust my hunches. Because you're blind in love now. Well, what can we do before dinner? I know the chef here is very good. He provides very nice food. But he has a terrible mouth. There is a little museum close by. If we leave now, we could still make it. It's about 20 minutes By car. After that, we could go to the harbor. It's a little harbor, but it has a nice coffee shop. They serve nice cheesecake. Their desserts are... Come to me. Please. Don't take off your clothes yet. Please... Look at my body. I burnt myself when I was little. I want you to know all about me. You are very beautiful. Please love me. Only me. I understand. Everybody says so. But I hope you are different from the others. Only me. OK? Only me. Please love me. Only me. Yes. Is that Mr. Aoyama? This is the front desk. Yes. I'm terribly sorry. You must be in bed. We tried calling many times but there was no answer. Your partner has left. We want to confirm your stay. Sorry to call you so late, but we need to know. Left? What you are saying is she disappeared? Nobody answers the phone. There's no way to contact her. I don't know exactly where she lives either. - What happened in the hotel? - I told you all about it. But normally people don't disappear like that. We might have misunderstood each other somehow. I just want to talk to her face to face. Yoshikawa, can you find out her address? Aoyama, I've only got her resume. It's impossible. - Why don't you forget about her. - I can't do that. I can't finish everything like this. I know I can't convince you but... I suggest you forget about her. You're saying... ...that I... ...went too crazy about a young girl. Eventually being left alone like a pathetic old fart? Yes, you are. What's the matter with you? You said that you weren't born yesterday. Whatever problems come up, you fix them, right? Oh come on! What? - It's OK. - What's OK about it? It's OK now. I won't ask your help anymore. I'll look for her. - I'll look for her myself. - Aoyama! Shimada Ballet Studio Excuse me? Excuse me, but... Excuse me. Are you... Are you Mr. Shimada? I'm the one who called you this afternoon. About Miss Asami Yamazaki. Go home. Let me be frank with you. Did you have any problems with Asami before? I just want to know how to contact her. And I'm looking for a clue. Did you see her? Yes. Did you hear her voice? What do you mean by that? Did you touch her body? Did you hold her in your arms? How was that? Was it good? Did you smell her? Asami... Go home. 4th Street. The Stone Fish. The Stone Fish No one is there. Are you closed today? That bar closed about a year ago. That was huge mess. The owner was murdered. Do you know an Asami who used to work here? Asami? I don't recall. Normally the owner worked here alone. Asami was supposed to be working here 3 times a week. Some kind of a mistake. Excuse me... Why was the owner killed? I'm not sure but people talked about some sort of man problem. She used to be associated with a music industry guy. She used drugs too. Did she get murdered here? The body was chopped up completely. It's a 28 year old building. The whole thing is tilted. We saw her blood flowing through a gap in the door. The other mystery was... The police tried to recompose her body together. 3 extra fingers and an ear came up. An extra tongue as well. Isn't it a terrible world? Meal time, Gang. Bye. Hi, this is Shigehiko. I'm going to stay at my friend's house tonight. It's none of my business, but eat properly. There's some yogurt there, please have it. And Gang was hiding. Underneath the house, please feed him. Talk to you later. I'm sorry. How have you been? I never expected we would meet again. Sorry to be childish. I never asked you about your family. Are they fine? When I was little, my parents got a divorce. I was sent to my uncle's house. That was a terrible place. I only remember being abused. My uncle's wife was that sort of woman. I have many scars. If it's too painful, you needn't talk about. No, I want you to know all about me. I was forced into cold baths in winter, and I got pneumonia. She pushed me down the staircase. I oke my shoulder bone. The doctor worried about me. He sent me back to my mother's home. When was that? I was 7 years old. Really. My mother had remarried. I've reduced the scars. But my stepfather... Hated me so much. He's got disabled legs. Staying at home all the time. I did nothing in a dark room everyday. Until my mother came home. I'm sorry. It's not a normal story is it? If you dislike me, please say so. Strange. I never imagined you'd had such an agonizing past. Because ballet supported me. You had talent. I'm not sure. But when I danced, it purified the dark side of me. That's the reason why I never tried to kill myself. I think... you're wonderful. I've been looking for someone like you. Darling. Ryoko. This is an opportune time. Let me introduce you. This is Asami. No... She isn't good for you. She's a very fine woman. No... darling, no. I want... I want you right now. Asami. That was a little mistake. You made love to me. Only once. I expected something from you. Was I stupid? Sorry. Forgive me. I'll do anything to give you pleasure. I like doing this. What are you doing! Stop it. Look, you've got a hard on. Stop it! 3 extra fingers, an ear... ...and a tongue too. You only love me. Only me. Asami. Asami. Dance for me. Dance. Dance. Dance, bitch! Dance... ...for me otherwise... ...I'll torture you! Dance. Please. Dance for me. Dance! Asami... Good girl. Asami! This wire can... ...cut meat and bone very easily. You are wonderful. I never felt unhappy. Because I've been unhappy all the time. - Asami! - Please stop! No! Males need female support. Otherwise they can't maintain. Let's have an audition. My son told me that I look old. Why don't I remarry. That's why I decided. Asami... You... You can't move any more. I've paralyzed your body but your nerves are still awake. You can enjoy the pain and suffer incredibly. You guys collect many girls from auditions. Make them fail. You contact them later. Just wanting to have sex. Everybody is the same. Deeper, deeper... Deeper, deeper... Painful? Words create lies. Pain can be trusted. Right? You can feel pain. You can study about the human body as well. Deeper... This is the most painful point. Am I right? Then here too. Here as well. Right? Deeper, deeper... Deeper, deeper... Deeper, deeper... Here we go. Underneath the eyes is also very painful. You only realize what kind of man you are... ...when you feel pain, you understand. When you have a very agonizing experience. Your son is called Shigehiko, right? Your son has to suffer pain, then you'll understand more. Stop that! Stay away from my son. You love your son, too? You're a liar. You only love me, right? I've only got you. But you have so many others. I don't want to be one of them. Even if I give you all of me, you won't be mine completely. Everybody is the same. Everybody. Everybody. You can't go anywhere without feet. This wire can cut meat and bone easily. Stop it! Right foot, please. I'm home. Dad, are you awake? My friend got sick all of a sudden. So we called an ambulance. Are you there? What happened, Dad? What's going on? What happened? Are you OK? Well... I will... I'll answer your proposal. What? Your proposal... I accept. Proposal? It's like a dream. I'm so happy. I applied for the audition. I was the... ...luckiest one. Because I didn't become the heroine of the movie. But I became the real heroine. Deeper, deeper... What's wrong, Dad? Who the hell are you? What the hell do you want? What's going on? Dad! Are you alright, Dad? Dad! Call the police... Police... Is this the police? This is the Aoyama residence, Okusawa. Please send an ambulance. My father's been seriously injured. And one woman too. I don't know the details. His left leg has been chopped off and is bleeding badly. The address is Okusawa 6-20-4. I thought you were very busy. I don't know your job so well. I might sound heavy. But I've been waiting for your call for a long time. I never expected that we would meet again. Sorry to have been childish. It's a hassle living alone. I didn't have anybody to talk with. You are the first one to support me... Warmly wrapping me... Trying to understand me... It's hard to forget about. But someday you'll feel... ...that life is wonderful. That's life, isn't it? Shigeharu Aoyama RYO ISHIBASHI Asami Yamazaki EIHI SHllNA Shigehiko Aoyama TETSU SAWAKI Yasuhisa Yoshikawa JUN KUNIMURA Old Man in Wheelchair RENJI ISHIBASHI Ryoko Aoyama MIYUKI MATSUDA Executive Producer TO YO YUKI YOKOHAMA Planner JUN'ICHI SHINDO Produced by SATOSHI FUKUSHIMA AKEMI SU YAMA Based on the novel by RYU MURAKAMI Screenplay by DAISUKE TENGAN Directed by TAKASHI MllKE

music Woman Vocalizing Man Whispering I love you, Dorothy. Woman I know you do, Tony. Tony You're a totally gorgeous creature. Dorothy Chuckling I love you as well. You know I do, Tony. Can I get a kiss? Go on. Giggling Kissing, Laughing Tony Listen, you haven't seen my new golf clubs anywhere, have you? Dorothy What new golf clubs? I came home with them. New golf clubs in a nice big leather golf bag. I never knew you could play golf. I know. I'm like that. Mysterious kind of guy. Chuckling Dorothy Dead mysterious. So anyway, you seen them? My new golf clubs. Seen what, darling? When did you learn to play golf? That's not really the issue. You gonna teach me? Not without a set of golf clubs, I'm not. I'm sure I would have seen them, Tony. I'm sure you would, too. That's why I'm telling you, gorgeous, that when I went to get them they were gone. That's so like you... Losing a whole set of golf clubs. No, that's not like me at all. I haven't lost them, see? I think maybe you have. Dorothy Darling, I've no interest in golf whatsoever. You said you wanted to learn a minute ago. Yeah, but I was kidding! I was just bein'... I was jokin' with ya. You mean, you were lying to me? You're lyin'to me now? Tony... Tony, I have no idea. No, none. Absolutely none? So, you wouldn't have moved the golf clubs? No. Or sold the golf clubs? No, Tony, I haven't! Taken them down to the pawn okers and pawned them for cash? I've pawned nothing, Tony! Because that would be just like you. Leave me alone. I've no idea where they are, or where they went. So just don't start, okay? Dorothy, I need my golf clubs! Tony, you can't play golf! If you've moved them, just tell me! I know I left them in the living room. You were telling me... you're going to Amsterdam to play golf. Never you mind... But I don't even think Amsterdam has golf. What the fuck do you know about Amsterdam? Tony, what in the name of God do you know about golf? Listen, you! I know I left a bag of golf clubs in the living room, and they weren't there when I went to get them. Now, I want to know... If you say you left a bag of clubs in the flat, then there's bound to be a bag of clubs in the flat... You're lyin'! Shit! - Fuck! - Here, that's enough of that. I'm gonna tear that flat apart, and see if my golf clubs aren't there, Dorothy. I swear to God, I'm gonna drink your blood. I'm sorry. It must be the golf. It's driven him mad. I'm awful sorry about that. Sorry. Pluto, my boy, come and see your daddy. Tony? Thumping, Bubbling - Tony? Pluto? Whimpering - Pluto! Dean Martin music When marimba rhythms start to play Singing Along music Dance with me make me sway music music Like the lazy ocean hugs the shore music music Hold me close sway me more music music Like a flower bendin'in the eeze music Bend with me sway with ease Shouting, Indistinct music When you dance you have a way with me It's in the middle of the fuckin' night! music Stay with me, sway with me Do you think they care if it's in the middle of the fuckin' night over here? I've got personal things to attend to! music Given my eyes will see only you Screw your responsibility! music Only you have the magic technique music When you sway I go weak music I can hear the sound of violins music Long before music Get in the car! music It beg... music Get in the fuckin' car! Dean Martin On Headset music You thrill as only you know how music music Sway me smooth sway me now music music Engine Starts music music Continues, Instrumental Dorothy You and me are startin' a new life this time, Pluto. No more dealers, or junkies, or maniacs... We'll be long gone before he gets back. Whining Oh, don't be scared, big boy. Oh. Don't think this is gonna come out. Thank God. You rotten, shitey bastard, Tony. Somebody smells nice. Don't look at me. Pluto Panting It's the dog. Tires Screeching Lovely lunatics. Barking music Woman Singing Can you give me an ounce of rolling tobacco and a packet of Maltesers? Excuse me. When you've a second? You shouldn't read that shite, you know, because it seriously exploits women. Four twenty-nine, please. music Continues He's taken my money. Sighs Deeply Look, can I owe ya? You mean, Can you exploit me? I'll send it to ya in the post. Not allowed to give credit. I need a smoke! I'm on the run from a maniac. So's my dog. It's not a very healthy color, right enough. Go on. I'll sub ya. Go on! Go on. I'll sub ya. Go on! Pluto Barking Shut up, Pluto. Pluto! Oh! Give me ten seconds to catch my dog! Pluto! ...fuckin' pisses me off, you are goin' nowhere! - Leave her alone! - Get off! - Get the... Groans You fuckin' bitches! Get the fuck, ya fuckin'bitches! No! Groaning Come here. You evil, lyin' bitch. You're mine! Stop it! - Brian, stop it, please! Screaming, Indistinct Woman Ow! Brian Right, you're goin'nowhere! Groaning, Screaming You hear me? I'm going to fuckin' kill you! Screams No! Woman Panting, Choking I'll be all right in a minute. Get my eath back. Inhaling You just get sick listenin' to all that... I'm gonna fuckin' kill you stuff. Hmm. Mm. Right. I'll help ya get him in the car. What for? So you can drive him home. Call the police. I can't drive. And I'm not calling the police. He's my boyfriend. Groaning Dorothy I want you gone as soon as he wakes up. If I was you, I'd dump him here. Woman I can't dump him here. I'd lose my home and my job and everything. How? 'Cause I work for his big other. Dorothy Fuck, he's heavy, isn't he? Grunting, Panting Woman I think Brian's maybe going to be sick again. Dorothy Round to the left. Woman Quick! Brian Retching Woman Groaning Dorothy Ah, shit! Let's put him in the bath in case he throws up over anything else. Woman I've never seen a pink and white dog before. He's half part pedigree. Half part acrylic. Really? Never heard of them. Crinkling Sound You know of anything I could use as a roach? Don't make yourself too comfy, flower. I didn't invite you back for a party. I'm sorry. I'm just still a bit shaky, and it'll help calm me down. Okay. Have a scrounge in my rucksack. There's bound to be somethin'. Fancy a cup of tea? Yeah. Here. Exhales I'm Petula, by the way. Inhaling Nice grass. You missed your bus. Petula. Continues Laughing Laughs Sobbing Are you okay? Sobbing Continues It's okay. It's just the cold. It's only when we have too much to drink. It's silly. It was my own fault tonight. 'Cause he caught me going through his desk. Sighing I was looking for my passport. I wanted to visit my mum. She's moved to Majorca. Why does he keep your passport? Why? Because he loves me. What do you think? I had it like that once. Do you think Brian will like it? Oh, go on. Trust me. It'll really suit ya. Nice surprise when he wakes up. Grunting, Sighing Whimpering Mumbling, Shouting Barking Clattering Is he okay? Brian? Brian? A-Are you okay? Brian? Say something. Pluto Barking Fick mich! Fick mich! Fick mich in meinen Arsch! What is the matter with him? Is he German? Brian, Brian, stop it! Stop it! Shut up, Pluto! Sighing Deeply Brian? Brian. Brian, I'm sorry. Laughing Is he kiddin'? Brian, please. I'm sorry. - Just slap his face, gently. - Brian, come on, now. I'm really sorry. Just give his face a gentle, wee slap. Oh, no, I'm sorry. - Don't be angry. - That's what you do to wake them up. Sobbing He's dead. Sobbing He's dead! Brian's dead! Okay. Okay. Out of my road! Get out of my road! Dorothy Dear God. Seagulls Crying Dorothy Will the police be able to tell I bashed his head in with scaffoldin'? 'Cause I didn't mean to kill him. I know. I was tryin' to stop him killin' you. I know. I mean, you wouldn't have lasted another minute. The way he was chokin' you and whackin' your head. Petula... I'll have to spend years of my life in a jail cell, all by myself. I mean, that's not fair! I was only tryin' to help. I don't even know the guy. I was only... t-tryin' to... What if we make an anonymous phone call and then disappear? Well, we can't, because I haven't got a phone. I know, but if we don't say who we are... But I haven't got a phone. I know, but then they won't be able to trace the call. I haven't got a phone, okay? There isn't a phone. We don't have a phone. Cell Phone Ringing Ringing Continues Cell Phone Continues Ringing Ringing Ringing Continues Look, you have to go to work. I helped you, so you have to help me. Now, before you're late, as though everything is hunky-dory. Line Ringing Bell Dinging Grunting Petula, wait. You can't go yet. Take off your coat. Phone me on Brian's phone. Two rings, then hang up. Then ring again immediately, so I know it's you. Thanks for coming to help me. Last night. Children Playing Mm. Oh, listen! You have to give me some money. Oh. Right. Yeah, of course. Um, how much do you normally charge? What? No. Chuckling Not for the haircut. I want to get Tony's golf clubs out of the pawnshop. Then if he comes back I can send him packing, so he won't turn the place upside down... and accidentally stumble across your dead boyfriend. Barking Man Where's Brian? Where... is... Brian? He's, um... I don't actually know where he is. Good morning. Your Brian back on the drink again? Chuckles Then let's just pray His Lordship's met with... a particularly horrible accident. Hmm. Phone Ringing Petula! Yes, Mr. McMinn. Indistinct Muttering I see. Uh-huh. Muttering Oh, right. Yes, I'll start with the Eastern General. Hanging Up Receiver The police have found Brian's car abandoned. Mr. McMinn wants me to phone round the hospitals. Oh, I am so sorry... That's all right, Sheena. He'll be just... lying in a heap somewhere. Phone Ringing Rings, Line Clicks - Dorothy, they found the car abandoned, and there's a policeman coming to see me in the morning... if Brian doesn't show. Petula. Do you know Northcraigs Beach? Mm-hmm. I will meet you at the coffee stall at 6:30. Well? The... hospital people have no idea about anything to do with Brian, Mr. McMinn. No. No, that's terrific. We were just a bit curious if you knew whether he'd had an accident or something, or... died. Uh, we've had no admissions of that name. Or fitting that description. Sighs Oh, good. Well, good-bye, then, and thank you for being so... helpful and informative. They've not had any admissions fitting that name or that description. - Was he with you last night? - Early on he was. Then... later on... he wasn't. Now, this is called a decapod crustacean. That's a lobster. Nature uses 'em to clean dead bodies. Them and shrimps get all the drowned flesh off the bones. What was the name of that fish I showed you? A halibut. That's right. Fishermen like halibut 'cause of their shapes. Fishermen like to make them their girlfriends, even though their body temperature's... much lower than a proper girlfriend... usually, that is. Sandy? Sandy, come here. Come away. Dorothy, I've ought you something. I've bought you a coffee. Your stuff's covered in paint. What? Oh. Lovely. Thanks. Thanks. We've got to shift him, Petula. Where? Well, somewhere it'd look okay that nobody'd find him straightaway. Right. Somewhere he might have gone without takin' you. Where he could fall, bang his head, and die without us doin' it. His boat. He's got a boat? That's his secret hideaway. It's where he goes... if he wants to hide what he's up to from his big other. We could just drop him down the hatch, and it would look like he fell. Traditionally, they're very dangerous things, hatches. How do we get him to the boat? In a car. You told me you couldn't drive. I can't. Brian was giving me lessons. Chuckles At least he was screaming filthy abuse at me and punching me in an old Saab. Seagulls Crying Remote Clicking - Oh! Fick mich! Fick mich! Fick mich in meinen Arsch. Ja! Continues In German Mach schneller! Schneller! - Fick mich! ! Man Grunting Pluto, tea time. Come on. Pluto, tea time. Come on. What have you got? Hmm? Give it to me. Ah, Pluto, give. Screaming Fuck! Oh, my God. Whining That is very, very, very bad. music Pop music Oh, I cried last night music How I cried last night music For I knew the warning you had given me last night music Now it's over music Yes, it's over music And my tears are all too late Ringing music I don't sleep now - Brian? Is that you? It's me! I know. I didn't really think it was him. I just thought you might be somebody checking. Just, uh... I just wanted to see if you were... all right... I mean, you and-and... I want to say thank you for... everythin'. Don't be silly. Don't... You're welcome. Go to sleep. Night-night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bugs bite. Laughs You too. Sleep tight. Line Clicks Don't let the bugs bite. music I still love you But I've only music Learned it's over music Birds Twittering Ringing Ringing Continues Morning, Miss Peploe. Detective Inspector Hepburn, Eastern and District C.I.D. Hello, Inspect... Detector. George is okay. Laughs I'm Petula. Sorry, I didn't sleep very well. Come in, please. Sorry I'm not up. Oops. Sorry. Please. Allow me. Would you mind waiting here a minute, till I'm dressed? Of course. You going into work? Uh-huh. I have to. They won't mind if I'm late, though. Who won't mind? Ronnie McMinn? Big softie, isn't he? You a friend of his? There's no such thing as friends on a golf course, I'm afraid. So, Petula, you work for Brian McMinn? Well, I work for his big other, technically. Uh-huh. And how long have you been living with Brian? - Ayear. - And how long have you worked for the firm? About... About a week longer than we've been living together. Ah, love at first sight, eh? Oh, absolutely. It really was very much, and completely that. Well, first, I should ask you: Have you any idea where your boyfriend might be? None. And you last saw him? Tuesday night. We'd been for dinner. We came home, Brian sat up drinking, and I went to bed. Chuckles I suppose I just drank too much. I didn't so much go to bed as crash. Was Mr. McMinn in a similar condition? He was, probably. I mean, I was only drinking Sea Breezes. So you got the uise from walking into something while you yourself were ine iated? Not from getting punched by Brian? What is that supposed to mean? I'm a Detective Inspector, Petula. Do you know what a Detective Inspector does? This is one of those police questions you're supposed to say no to, isn't it? Uh-huh. You see, what a Detective Inspector does is, he... detects things. And then, when he's successfully detected them, he inspects them, in order to establish whether there was any point in detecting them in the first place. Mm-hmm. And from where I'm standing, I can detect some uising around your cheekbone, consistent with a blow. And discoloration around your neck, consistent with an attempted throttling. I'm not being too personal, am I, Petula? Now, do you have other men in your life, or does Brian get violent when he drinks too much? He doesn't! I don't have any other men in my life, no. So, either lover boy hit you and stormed out in a raging temper, or... you've killed him and hidden his body. That... is just utterly... and completely ridiculous! What is? That I've killed him and hidden his body, for goodness' sake! I know. I was being facetious in an attempt to stop you getting upset. Well, even joking you shouldn't say. I mean, how would you feel if your wife had just disappeared? I'm not married. And neither are you, Petula. All I'm saying is that what you're saying isn't such a thing... you should make facetious remarks about, because it could be... one of the sort of things that people get upset by. Screams Oh, my God! Sniffing Stuart, uh, I've got a wee bit of a situation developing here. Ah, that's right, the missing persons. Anybody needs me, I'll be back in the office after lunch. All right? Could you look at that again, Petula? I'm okay now, I think. Gasping It's Brian's ring. Was he wearing it when you last saw him? Yes. He wears it all the time. It's stuck. Well, he says he'll never get the bloody thing o... off. That's Brian's mobile phone. What, are you up to trying it now? Oh... Oh, no, I don't... I mean... God, do I have to? Petula, we have to know a few things quickly. We have to know what Brian's state of health is, whether or not this is a hoax... And we have to... You have to make sure... that if there is a real problem here, that we don't jeopardize Mr. McMinn's well-being by our actions. Am I being clear? Receiver Beeping Line Ringing Hanging Up Receiver What's the matter? Are you not okay? Um, I don't know what I'm going to say. Well, find out what they want. They'll tell ya. Receiver Beeping Line Ringing Cell Phone Ringing Ringing Continues, Line Picks Up Petula Hello? Hello, Petula. If Brian's other wants Brian back, he's going to have to pay money for him. Um, they know my name. Right. Ask 'em what they want. They want money. How much money do they want? - How much money do you want? - You're the one who works there. What's a reasonable sum? I mean, how much is he worth? How much can Ronnie McMinn get his hands on? I don't, um... I don't know what you mean. - How much? - Petula? He's dead now, and we killed him. So... if we could get away from here, forever... Huh? I can't think of anything else to say. Brian is dead. You're all alone. It's just you and me. Help me. You want... exactly... one million pounds, cash. No! A real number! A serious number. Not a bloody imaginary... Dorothy Continues, Indistinct One million pounds, or... Ronnie McMinn will get his other's head... in a green nylon knapsack all tied up with a ribbon... through the post. Bloody hell. Tell them you have to speak to Brian. Hello? I... have to speak to Brian. Whispering To know that he's all right. To know that he's all right. We can't ing him to the phone. Whispering They can't ing him to the phone. Then how do we know that they haven't already decapitated Mr. McMinn? - Um... - Ask him something. Who? Brian. Ask me to ask Brian a question. - I have to ask him something. - What? What do you want me to ask him? Something only you and Brian both know. Something only me and Brian both know. All right. On you go. Um, ask him... Um, tell him to... Tell... Oh, God, I can't think of what to ask! Tell them to ask Brian to tell you... when and where you and him last made love. When and where did Brian and me... Breathing Deeply - Last make love? Half an hour ago, up the bottom. Gasps That is precisely... one hundred percent spot on! Dorothy Laughing You're not contemplatin' somethin' silly here, are you, hen? It's a favorite spot, you know. It's love... lovely. Ah, it's not lovely when you're fishin' them out of the water. Away home and take an overdose. They've hung up. Did they answer the question? Did they answer the question? What did they say? Oh. They said, on the leather couch in his office. Tuesday, lunch time. Twice. And, would that be correct? Then I have to say that I think Mr. McMinn... is a very, very lucky man, Petula, because obviously... Obviously he hasn't had his head cut off. - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I thought that you meant... - You've had a massive shock. Now, let me ask you before I go. Do you have an easily accessible back entrance I can make use of? Toilet Flushing Hepburn Dave, have you seen Neil Mclndoe? Who's Neil Mclndoe? Regional pathologist. Big ugly fucker. No taste in clothes. Bad personal hygiene. I got ya. In the canteen. Reason I didn't know who you meant was, everybody calls him Dog Breath. Fuck me. You're not eating that swill out of choice, are you, Neil? Detective Inspector Hepburn. How's the golf, George? Be a lot better if some fucker hadn't ripped off my clubs out the back of my car. The reason I come here to eat this swill is so I can enjoy my lunch... without being surrounded by body parts. I thought pathologists had no feelings. That's a myth. Like, all pathologists have bad eath. Where is your finger from? You tell me. Off a dead person, or a live one? Obviously dead. If you cut a finger from somebody that's alive, that finger will exsanguinate. All the blood will drain from it. You cut that finger from a corpse, the blood inside is already semi-coagulated. That's what I thought. Somebody playing practical silly fuckers? Oh, some medical student, no doubt. They're such scum, those fuckers. Bottle Making Gaseous Noise This is Brian's finger. - You recognize the ring? - I know my own flesh, George. Does this mean he's alive? On balance, Ronnie... All things taken into account, and after... after listening to expert advice, I can say... absolutely. He was alive when it was cut off. The girl's spoken to him. If they hadn't killed him by then, they won't kill him now. Oh! Uh, what are you, uh... Sorry, I have to keep that. I'm going to see it's returned to my other. Not now, later. I have to keep it in custody for the time being. Custody? I mean, in-in... as evidence. Don't! Uh, don't. Sorry, Ronnie. Please. Don't touch that. I haven't had time to have it dusted yet. For fingerprints? I'm sorry, Ronnie, but I have to ask you... one question. Just to get the possibility out of the way. And this is, uh, this is simply to eliminate a line of inquiry. George, ask me. There's no possibility, is there, that Brian... would be so hard up for money that he would sacrifice one of his own fingers... in an attempt to inveigle funds out of his big other? Ronnie? Laughs You don't have to ask me. Right. We proceed in the light of this being a bona fide kidnapping and extortion. They want precisely two million pounds. All right, then. I'll meet you about 7:00 tonight. And, listen, can you drive? So, that's it, then. Sorry, what do you mean, that's what? That's the famous couch where it all happened. Tuesday lunch time. Twice. Door Screeching, Clanking Motor Rumbling Ronnie Sighs Does Brian think he can still keep you happy... with only nine fingers, Petula? Elevator Clattering, Rumbling What? Still, that's a lot of money for a wee bit of your body. Hmm? Isn't it? Eh? Which bit of your body... is worth the most to you, Petula? Mr. McMinn... Those are lovely lips. Elevator Stalls Elevator Restarts Sighs My wee other was still alive when his finger was cut off him. Can you imagine how... sore that must have been, chopping through bone and gristle... and tender flesh? Scoffs Brian's too soft for any of that. Isn't he, Petula? I... I don't know what you're talking about. Laughing You didn't do it for him. Did you, Petula? Because, if I thought... Elevator Banging Well... Elevator Dinging You could kiss those lovely lips good-bye. Door Squeaking Open And I wouldn't stop there... Petula. Any messages for me, Stuart? Somebody called Ronnie McMinn phoned this morning. Got his number. Just a pal, looking for a game of golf. Any luck with your clubs? What do you expect? The police are a bunch of worthless, skivin' assholes. What about your missing persons? Fucked off in a drunken huff and left his missus. How? Is she a dog? Chuckles Stuart, my son, she is a total fuckin' dog. Can't blame the poor fucker. Or maybe he topped himself having to gaze at her ugly mug while trying to digest food. Laughing Petula Clutch, accelerator, ake. No. Brake, accelerator, clutch. Surely. Sighs Neutral. Always make sure your vehicle is in neutral... before you start your engine, Petula. Or I will punch your fucking lights out. Mirror, signal, maneuver. Now, what the fuck was that about? Dorothy Screaming Oh! Oh, Petula! Petula, slow down, slow down! Oh, my God! Oh, God! Dorothy We'll ing Brian's body here after it gets dark. Petula We can make it look like the kidnappers held him here and tortured him... for days and days and days before they killed him. You have a very illiant criminal mind. Dorothy, what are you doing? Well, torturers don't tidy up, Petula. The place should be a complete smelly tip wreaking of lager. Right! Also, we should get some Chinese take-aways and chuck them all around. And also we should get some filthy socks and pants and shite of Tony's... 'cause I bet you a million pounds kidnappers' pants smell just like Tony's pants. Both Laughing Woman Moaning Woman Speaking German Fick mich in meinen Arsch. Moaning Continues Fick mich in meinen Arsch, Petula. What? Are you judging me? No, I'm not judging you. If I was judging you, you'd be in jail for murder, kidnapping, torture. So? Dorothy, that is totally gross. You get off me, you monster! Gonna sniff my cheesy grunties, flower? Gonna suck mein socks and fick meinen Arsch? Laughing Come on, that's disgusting! I'm going for a pee. Pluto, get out! Bloody hell, that can't be pleasant. I mean, that is as thick as a baby's arm. Would you let a baby do that to you with its arm? Petula, get away from there! Fuck! Oh, fuck. Is that... somebody we know out there, Dorothy? Eh? Eh, who's the fucking stiff, Dot? Tony, that's, uh, Petula's boyfriend. He was in an accident. And it's got nothing to do with you, Tony, so just don't start! Okay? Don't start! Petula? You've got to be kidding. Right. I want my golf clubs, you. Is this what you're looking for, you evil bastard? Get out, Tony, or I'll stab you. I honestly will. Where'd you get one of them, doll? Jesus. Listen, Dorothy, I'm not well. I'm sick, doll. I didn't know that was in there, darling. Don't get upset at me. There's something in my golf bag I need, Dorothy. Make me feel better, doll. I'm feelin' shite. And then I'll be out of here. You know me, babe. I'll get my gear and mellow out and vamoose, babe. You get it, and you get out. See. My stash, doll. And my works... 'cause I need my stash, eh? And I need... my gun. Now what the fuck is fucking going on here, eh? I'm askin' you right now! What the fuck were you doin' with my underpants, eh? Now there's no way you could describe these as cheesy. These are as fresh as a newborn daisy. Oh, Pluto. My baby. Come to bed. Pluto, no. No! Barking Pluto! Now put that knife down, or I'll shoot Scooby Doo here... right in the middle of his face, eh? So what's the score then, eh? Who's the poor bastard out in the cold? He's my boyfriend. Who killed him? Well, he was beating me up and-and Dorothy came past and rescued me. Nobody meant to kill anybody, Tony. Oh! Oh, and that makes it okay then, does it? Some poor fucker goes down that fucking tunnel, and it's okay by you pair 'cause it was only an accident. So how come he's not buried in a grave in a fucking cemetery if it's all so hunky-dory? Look, we were going to phone the authorities. Don't you patronize me, Petula. I'll cut your face off. He'd been kidnapped. I heard you just now. So how much is your stiff worth, eh? If you lie to me, I'll hurt the dog really badly. Tony, it's not... A million pounds. You're kidding? Well, well, well. Chuckling That's enough for all three of us to play with, isn't it, girls? Now, then, come and sit down next to me, Dorothy, come on. And hit me with some of that... really fabby gear out of my golf bag. Your friend is gorgeous, by the way, Dorothy. Have you pair got a wee thing going, huh? That'd be rather, Moaning Rather nice. Continues Moaning Do yourself. No, Tony, please. Tony, you know... Do yourself... or I'll shoot my dog in the face with my golf gun. Look at her, Petula. A former connoisseur. The good old days, eh, Dorothy? Now let me be frank with you, Petula. I'm not interested in money. There's other things I need much more than money. That right, Dot? Here. Now, I want you to take off your tights... and tie young Dorothy's hands behind her back. Now, Petula, I want you to take off your pants. Why? 'Cause I'm gonna fuck you, gorgeous. Then you and I are gonna watch while Scooby Doo fucks Dorothy. Moaning Grunting Screams Pluto Barking Whimpering You bastard! Screams I'm gonna fucking kill you. You bastard! Glass Shattering Dog Barking One, two, three. Cell Phone Ringing Groaning - Leave it. Ringing Continues - Still here, boss? - Have you got the keys for the secure room? - Why? What are you looking for? - Just checking something. I can't stay. I have to go back to the house. If I stay out, the police will know something's wrong. Can you manage? Right. Phone me in the morning, first thing. Right. Tony's tied up now. I have to go. Oh, Jesus! Petula, wait. Get my dog to the hospital. Don't worry, I'll take care of him. Whimpering And he's not your dog, he's my dog. And if he dies, Cocks Gun You die as well, you bad, evil bastard. It's not my dog. He's called, uh, Pluto or-or something. Um, right. How much... How much do vets cost? Here. Sorry, miss! Look, you can't just... Also, watch when you sew him up, because he's 50 acrylic. I was only joking about you and Pluto. I love you, Dorothy. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm dying, Dorothy. If you don't get me to a hospital, I'll die. Tony, you'll be in a hospital in a couple of hours. My arm's numb, fingers are cold. I'm freezing cold all over. Just a wee while longer. Don't let the bugs bite. Remember? I used to say that... time you were ill, and I looked after you. You remember? It was you who made me ill, Tony. music I don't want a lover music I just need a friend music I don't want a lover music I just need a friend music You can't just leave me music To face life on my own music I know you don't love me no more music I knew this day'd come music Even when it cuts so deep music It's true I still want you music But the harder I try music The more I seem to lose music I don't want a lover music I just need a friend music I've had time to recover music Now that I know it wasn't love music It's always a different story music When it's me who's in the wrong music But you can't have it all music 'Cause I'm the one who's strong music I've already been burnt before music Once but never again music I know the time will come music That's when you'll need me there music I don't want a lover Brian? music I just need a friend music I've had time to recover music Now that I know it wasn't love music I don't want a lover music I just need a friend music I just need a friend music I know you never cared music Now that I know it wasn't love Footsteps Who's there? I could put you in the jail, Petula. Or, I could lose a little bit of weight, work on my tan. Please. And make you very, very happy. Please, I'm sorry. Would I be right in thinking I can smell blood, gorgeous? Mm. Blood and shampoo. Chicks. Laughing I've wanted one like you all my life, Petula. You're a very lovely creature. Thunder Rumbling Listen, Dorothy... The mobile phone you have called is switched off. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Thunder Rumbling Screaming Back upstairs to bed, Petula. I want you to have a nice sleep so that you look gorgeous for Brian... when he comes back to get my money. Sleep tight. Thunder Rumbling Ah, Mr. McMinn. Mr. McMinn! These gentlemen are here to see you. Then show these gentlemen... into my office, Maureen! Pluto! Dogs Barking Pluto! Pluto! My baby. Oh! Thank you. Bridges Service Station, please. Groaning Bitches. I'll drink your blood. All right, Maureen. I can't get over it, George. The suffering he must have gone through. Don't think about it, Ronnie. He'll be fine. Makes me sick to my stomach. That's a mere pittance. Two million pounds. George, I'd pay twice this to catch these fiends. I know, Ronnie. I know. I want you to promise me something. Fifteen minutes alone with them. Show them what happens when you fuck with Ronnie McMinn. You are confident this is the best way, George? I trust you on this one. Whenever they tell us where the drop is, Ronnie, then I've got them. See, the hardest part of a kidnapping is picking up the ransom. That's where we catch the kidnappers every single time. Nobody's ever clever enough to figure out how you collect a bag of money without being followed. Ninety-nine percent are apprehended at that point. I'm sorry, Mr. McMinn, a very peculiar phone call... from some Irish girl who says that Petula has to get in that taxi outside, and the drop, whatever that's supposed to mean, is the Bridges Service Station. Dialing Numbers Hello, Stuart? Yeah. The Bridges Service Station. Carrier is en route. Fingertips Executive Sauna and Massage is open Monday to Friday, 10:00 a.m. till 11:00 p.m. Right! That's the backup in position. Okay? Right, in you get. Just hang on, driver. Honestly, I don't know if I should... Do exactly what you're told. I'll be behind you every step of the way. Ronnie, what? He's my other, George. I've got to be there. Ronnie, for God's sake, this is a very delicate business. If you're seen, everything's up shit creek. Now, you've got to trust me! What is going on, Mr. McMinn? Brian's dead, and that fucker knows it. I'll show him what I fucking trust! Dorothy! I... Did you... I told her. He looks as if he should be home in his basket. Pluto. Sit, sit. Pluto, down! Down! - Good boy, good boy. Tires Screeching Step away from the dog! Step away from the dog! Run, run, run, run, run, run, run! Tell me you never gave a million pounds to that dog! That's what you told me to do! You told me to do what you said! You stupid fucking bitch! Get off! Get off me! Get... Ouch! Ow! Barking - Oh, shit! C.I.D. This is an official crime scene. You're officially shut till I get back! Understood? Petula Go, Pluto, go! Go! Go home! Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Shit, shit, shit! music The look of love music Is in your eyes music A look music Your heart can't disguise I really feel I have to say that... you're one of the most gorgeous creatures I've ever set eyes on in my life. Oh, shit! Hey, Pluto! Here, boy! Is your daddy home, Pluto? What is that? You got some gear for him, boy? Because your bad dad owes your uncle Aidan big time! What happened to your head? The dog! What's with the fucking shoving, pal! That's a lot of gear that dog was holding for my china. Right, you junkie fuck! Tell me where the dog lives! Pluto! Come here! Good boy! Well done. Come on. Tony? Are you awake, Tony? Shit. Hold the gun by the muzzle. Panting Now, throw the gun to me. Get your hands in the air. Now! Is that Brian McMinn in there? Is that your hostage? That's him. Stammering He needs a doctor. Jesus. Gunshots Continue Looks like you've just killed your hostage, which is a... pretty fundamental error. Now, miss, would you please not stand in front of the window. What? Do as you're told. Step away from the window, and you won't get hurt. Come on now! I'm a detective inspector with the Eastern and District Regional Constabulary. Thieving bitch! That's my golf clubs! Gasping No one fucks with Ronnie McMinn. Ronnie. Clicks Clicks Clicking Ronnie, fuck you! Groaning - Shit! - Oh, Jesus! Panting Tony. Gun Clicks Hey, I saved your life there, mister. And I have to tell you, this whole thing... was dreamt up by that bitch there and her pal. No one... No one, least of all a fucking filthy creature like you... or your dimwit pal, fucks with Ronnie... Petula! Continues Screaming McMinn. music Small town girl goes west 'cause she thinks it's the only way to stay alive music Now she knows best the who's who and who's not music Who's hot and who's the more fly music Continues What am I going to do about this? There's bound to be some tools in the boot. Oh, there's not gonna be any tools in there, is there? Shit! Dorothy, get the bag! There's not gonna... Dorothy, open the bag! music There she goes again Slippin'and slidin' duckin'and divin' music There she goes again music Tryin'all the new stuff tryin'to be fly music There she goes again music Slippin'and slidin' duckin'and divin' There she goes again - Got nothing smaller than a hundred? - No, sorry. Two sixty. I haven't charged you for your funny colored guide dog or your blind pal. - I'll need to come back with your change, hen. - No, that's all right. Keep the money. It's a present from Pluto. music All decked out in her designer clothes music 'Cause she's shootin' from the hip with a credit card music Everybody thinks she's a bittle lit old music But you can't take long on an eyesore music Drivin'in a Beamer with the top down music Sunset queen in a big town music If you don't pay she'll go out of your way music Yeah, you don't want her hangin'around music Now, a stick and stone may eak the bone music But it don't quench the fire music I wonder what she's looking for tonight music There she goes again music Slippin'and slidin' duckin'and divin' Dorothy? Mm-hmm? You know how Pluto's 50 acrylic? Yeah? Is that the half that's pink? It is. Really? So does that make him dry-clean only? music Now stepping stones and licking bones and cast them all aside music I wonder what she's looking for tonight music And there she goes again music There she goes again music Yeah music There she goes again music There she goes again music There she goes again music Slippin'and slidin' duckin'and divin' music There she goes again music Tryin'all the new stuff tryin'to be fly music There she goes again music Slippin'and slidin' duckin'and divin' music There she goes again music Tryin'to be a new star tryin'to get high music 'Cause she's so high music There she goes again music She's so high music There she goes again music She's so high music There she goes again music She's so high music There she goes again music She's so high music There she goes again music She's so high music There she goes again

If I don't draw for a while, I get really crazy. I start feeling depressed and suicidal if I don't get to draw. But sometimes when I'm drawing, I feel suicidal, too. What are you trying to get at in your work? Jesus! I don't know. I don't work in terms of conscious messages. I can't do that. It has to be something... I'm revealing to myself while I'm doing it, which is hard to explain. Which means that while I'm doing it, I don't know exactly what it's about. You have to have the courage to take that chance. What's gonna come out? What's coming out of this? I enjoy drawing. It's a deeply ingrained habit. It's all because of my other Charles. Hello, Mother? I'm in Philadelphia. I'm going to give a talk at the art school downtown tomorrow. So Terry and this film crew are here with me. They'd like to come over and drop me off there... and talk possibly to Charles... about maybe filming him if you're not... He doesn't want to do it? Okay. All right. That's okay. Doesn't matter. Not if you don't want him to. I certainly won't... All right. Bye. Well, that's that. I start with this one... because it's probably the thing I'm most well-known for. You could see it for a long time on truck mud flaps. I don't know why it caught the popular imagination. It caused me nothing but headaches for ten years after I drew it: lawsuits and I.R.S. problems. It was a nightmare just because of this stupid ‘‘Keep on truckin’’. So don't anybody come to me and say, ‘‘Hey, R.! Keep on truckin!’’ This is probably the next thing... I'm most well-known for. I'm trying to hook you in to who I am. This sold millions of copies. I got $600... from CBS records in 1968. And they kept my artwork. They stole my artwork, those bastards. I heard recently that the original of this... sold at Sotheby's for $21,000. This is the third thing I'm the most well-known for... because this was made into a major full-length animated cartoon... which was an embarrassment to me for the rest of my life. I have to say I had nothing to do with the cartoon. I didn't want them to do it. I thought they were schlockmeisters. They just rolled right over me. So I had this character killed in a later story. I had a female ostrich... stab him in the head with an ice pick. When I first met him, he never talked, he just drew. He was catatonic, and the only voice he had was his pen. He was very productive. My mother thought he was retarded when she met him. She said, ‘‘Some people like cripples, some like retards.’’ She thought I was a real creep when she first met me. He's more comfortable after knowing the same people for a long time. He's a little more communicative... but still he clams up. He gets stilted in his conversation around anybody he doesn't know well. That's why I'm such an exciting subject for a movie. Right. Watch out with those weights. - Don't hit me with those things. - Don't go behind me. These rich rednecks have moved out here and built their dream homes... on the top of every single hill. There used to be nothing over here. Then these people bought this property. - They might hear you. - Look at this house. - Not too loud. - Right above our house. - Looks right into Robert's studio. - Be quiet. I don't care if they hear me. Couldn't be any ruder than them putting their house right above mine. What do I care? I guess not, since we're moving to France, what do you care? They have a plan to widen this road and put it through where these trees are. There's a big X that the surveyors sprayed on here... and I erased it the other day. Then I took out their sticks from the other side of the road. They're going to widen this road... and take a big chunk of land out of that side with all these trees. Put 12 dream homes back in there. We decided to chain ourselves to these oak trees if they try and take them out. Our house is so humble nestled against the hill. Tasteful. All these other houses are oriented to look down at our place... because it's like a backdrop for their air-conditioned nightmare houses. Each hilltop can view each other hilltop. The shmucks. I'm drawing portraits of girls I had crushes on in high school in Delaware. This one I'm drawing now is Winona Newhouse... affectionately known among the boys as ‘‘The Shelf’’. She had this phenomenal rear shelf. She was nice, too, actually. She was kind to me. This one here, Naomi Wilson... was this cross-eyed farm girl that wore homemade clothes. I secretly had a crush on her. I was sexually attracted to her. Of course, you'd never dare admit it openly... that you like this funky girl that had B.O. and hairy legs. That's Jean Strahle. I liked her, too. She was also considered a dork. She was a bookwormy type that talked with a lisp... and had shapely, powerful legs. I never actually had any contact with these girls... except I used to play footsie with this one. Where are they now? Thirty years ago. They're all middle-aged housewives now. Jesus, what a thought. Winona. I wish she was here now... this 17-year-old Winona... instead of this film crew. When I listen to old music, it's one of the few times... I actually have a kind of love for humanity. You hear the best part of the soul of the common people. It's their way of expressing... their connection to eternity or whatever you want to call it. Modern music doesn't have that calamitous loss. People can't express themselves that way anymore. It was late 1948... when I was five years old, we moved to this section of Philadelphia. This is this project that we lived in. I can't remember which we lived in. They all look the same. Jesus. It's grim here. Oh, my God! This is where we went to the market. There was a dime store that sold toys there. We used to buy candy and stuff and comic books. The three others, me, Charles and Maxon, hung around together a lot. We'd rummage for stuff in the dump. One time Charles ought this thing back from the dump. It was this beautiful wooden truck. Like an ice cream truck made of wood. I wanted it really bad. He wouldn't let me touch it. He was spiteful that way. So I made a big fuss, and I told my mother. She said, ‘‘Charles, let him play with that.’’ He said, ‘‘Okay.’’ About 15 minutes later, he said, ‘‘Okay, you can play with it now.’’ I ran outside, and he had smashed it to smithereens against the wall. Charles, you read any good books lately? Yeah, I guess I have. I don't know. You seem to be recycling a lot of these books. What do you mean by ‘‘recycling’’? You read them 20 years ago. Now you're reading them again. I'm reading them again. Yeah. I do that because there's nothing else to do. You've read them all. You ever read anything new? I haven't read Kant or Hegel. - You have any interest in that stuff? - Maybe I'll get around to reading them. - You read any recent writers? - Not really, no. - Not interested in them? - Most aren't that good or interesting. They're not as interesting as the Victorian writers... of the late 19th century. I always kind of envied your life in a way. My life has become so hectic. Why? Because I was so detached from the human race? Is that one of the reasons why you envy me? This cloistered environment with your books. Believe me, it's nothing to envy. Charles started this comic thing. He was completely obsessed with comics when we were kids... and had absolutely no other normal kid interest. He wasn't interested in toys or games. He didn't play sports. He didn't do anything but read comics, draw comics, think comics and talk them. I like drawing, but I had other drawing interests besides comics. I liked to draw realistic scenes... just pictures of buildings and cars and stuff. He wasn't interested in that at all. It was only comics. This is the earliest one that still exists that I have. Charles drew this. That's supposed to be me, and that's him. You made me feel absolutely worthless if I wasn't drawing comics. I don't think I would have done that. I don't think I was as far gone as that. Maybe I was just unconsciously imitating the old man. - What was he like? - My father was an overbearing tyrant. Yes, he was. Maybe I was unconsciously imitating him when I forced you to draw comic books. There's still a kind of sibling rivalry between me and Robert... like there was when we were kids and he was still living at home. I think basically Robert and I are still competing with each other. It's like when I'm drawing comics, I still think of Charles' approval... whether or not he's going to like them. Charles had everybody drawing comics in the family. ‘‘The Animal Town Publishing Company.’’ That was a club we had... where we sat around and talked about comics. I was usually the president. Robert was usually the vice president. Carol was usually the secretary... and Sandy was the treasurer and Maxon was the supply boy. And he still resents that. He still resents the fact we imposed the role of supply boy on him. Max Crumb in room 310? Maxon was the scapegoat in the family. Of five kids, he was definitely on the bottom of the heap. Just to explain... we had these meetings for this club Charles put together called... The Animal Town Comics Club. Something to do with comics. Everybody had their job, a secretary, a president, a vice president. I was supply boy. I got it more heavy or direct than Robert, but there was the whole thing. It was like a crazy sibling thing between me, Charles and Robert... in this room upstairs... and the world didn't know what the fuck was going on. It was like three primordial monkeys working it out in the trees. Me and Maxon slept in the same bed until we were 16 or something. Very intimate, close situation. Charles was inspired by the Disney movie... where Robert Newton plays Long John Silver. After we saw it on TV in 1955... we started playing pirates like normal kids do. We'd go out and pretend. We made this ship out of an old refrigerator carton. Charles would walk around town dressed up like Long John Silver. He had this old coat of my mother's, this long, green coat. He made himself a three-cornered hat out of some woman's hat. He had a crutch, and he'd tie up his leg and go around town that way. I didn't realize how fixated Charles was on ‘‘Treasure Island’’ till years later. This thing dominated our play and our fantasy for six or seven years. We drew these comics... about ‘‘Treasure Island, ’' and it became this real Baroque, elaborate thing... way beyond the original Disney film. This is one of Charles'. This is one of our two-man comics in which he would draw... some of the characters and I would draw some and have them interact. That was a great school of cartooning for me... having to come up with clever retorts to him. He was actually much cleverer and funnier than I was. It got tiresome, but you had to do it. He was in charge. I had this very definite, bad problem about Charles. I think a lot of it had to do with my morbid sensitivity to the guy... as well as his natural affinity to get in there and profit off it. Robert was somewhat of a middleman. It had this way of restricting... or causing this terrible self-consciousness in me as a kid. I was morbidly modest about my body. Sex was completely removed. When it came time for me to become sexually aware when I was in puberty... Sex was nowhere near in my life. I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Sex was so heavily repressed. That's when the seizures started. I had a seizure. And a seizure's like a point where your behavior becomes... I'd have to get into the whole sex trip, which is an awful involved topic. All I thought about when I was in my late teens and early 20s was sex. I masturbated about four or five times a week. How frequently did you... I don't masturbate anymore now that my sexual desires are completely dead. Like I told you, I can't get an erection anymore. My God! I don't know whether it's one thing or a combination of things. Maybe a combination of the medication and lack of external stimulation. Maybe approaching old age has something to do with it. Who knows? You need some external stimulation to keep up your interest. Now that my sexual desires are gone, I'm not sure I want them back again. My earliest sexual memories? I remember being like four years old and getting erections. I guess my aunt or my mother's sister... Humping her legs and her shoes like under the table. I remember going in my mother's closet. She had cowboy boots... she wore when it rained... and humping those in the closet. And I remember singing while doing it. Jesus loves me, this I know For the Bible tells me so I remember... when I was about five or six I was sexually attracted to Bugs Bunny. I cut out this Bugs Bunny off the cover of a comic book... and carried it around with me in my pocket... and took it out and looked at it periodically. It got wrinkled from handling. I asked my mother to iron it to flatten it out. She did, and I was deeply disappointed because it got all own and ittle... and it crumbled apart. What was it about Bugs Bunny that you found exciting? I had this sexual attraction to cute cartoon characters. You tell me! I don't know. That all changed when I turned 12, and I became fixated on Sheena. ‘‘Sheena, Queen of the Jungle, ’' a TV show around '55, '56. I became totally obsessed with Sheena and went to bed every night... thinking about the things I wanted to do with Sheena. Robert was very hung up on sex when he was a little kid... even more so than I was. - I was? You think so? - Yeah. You were more inhibited as a child than I was, even sexually. You were more afraid of women than I was as a young person. When I was in high school, I had a few dates with girls. When you were in high school, you didn't have any dates with anybody. You were actually sort of good-Iooking. I was a handsome, good-Iooking chap when I was a teenager. But there was just something that was wrong with my personality. The teachers hated him, the kids hated him. High school was an absolute nightmare. I was the most unpopular kid in the high school. People were always picking on me and beating me up. And the girls wouldn't have anything to do with me. They treated me like I was the scum of the earth. In this strip, I'm talking all about my problems with women... starting with high school where I learned a lot about women... because there was this guy named Skutch, this guy here... who was like this mean bully... but he was also very charming. All the girls liked him. He was the dreamboat... but he was also a bully. My other Charles was one of the guys he singled out for particular attention. He had this gang of flunkies that hung around with him, with Skutch. So I remember this scene... where Skutch punches out my other in the hallway at school. It was a very sad sight for me to see. Charles gave up trying to be popular or have girlfriends... after everybody saw he couldn't fight back, that he was beat up by Skutch. I've been living at home since I graduated from high school. I made a few feeble attempts along the way. You're no worse off than people that are in the world and have to deal with it. But you got to take into consideration that I'm taking tranquilizers. And that makes it a lot easier than it would otherwise be... by taking these tranquilizers and antidepressants. If it wasn't for them, I'd probably go completely crazy living with Mother. I have to walk on eggs when I'm around her. Yeah, you do. You can't tell my mother the absolute truth. She's in a heavy state of denial about a lot of things. I don't think we should be talking about this. - Where's my kitty cats? - About her mother, she's... What the hell's going on? She doesn't like you to talk about her mother who was a complete monster. - What? - Fix that thing in the hallway. - What thing? - The window. What's wrong with it? - It's some film equipment or something. - It's some kind of film equipment. - Where are my kitty cats? - I don't know. Don't worry about it. It's all gonna be out of here and back to normal. Here it shows these girls talking about how one of their friends... got a date with Skutch and how envious they all are. This is how I felt about it. I'm a little bitter about it, as you can see. I show here how I thought that most teenage boys... are very cruel and aggressive. And if girls could see that I was more kind and sensitive, they would like me. They were kind of impressed by the fact I could draw. I couldn't understand why they liked these cruel, aggressive guys and not me. I was more kind and sensitive, more like them. I didn't realize they didn't want you to be like them, basically. I felt very hurt and cruelly misunderstood... because I considered myself talented and intelligent... and yet I was not very attractive physically. I didn't think those things mattered. It was what's inside that was important. When I was 13 and 14 and trying to be a normal teenager, I was really a jerk. I tried to act like I thought they were acting. It came out all wrong and weird, so then I stopped completely... and became a shadow, I wasn't even there. People weren't aware that I was... in the same world they were in. That freed me completely because I wasn't under pressures to be normal. So I got interested in old-time music, and went to the black section of town... knocking on doors and looking for old records... and things like that that would be unthinkable... if you were going to be a normal teenager. Starting about 17, I started being driven by that obsession that... ‘‘I'll go down in history as a great artist. That'll be my revenge.’’ This is my image cele ating Valentine's Day. ‘‘Fe uary 13, 1962. I decided to reject conforming when society rejected me. I've heard all about that 'be yourself' stuff. When I'm myself, people think I'm nuts. Guess I'll have to be satisfied with cats and old records. Girls are just utterly out of my reach. They won't even let me draw them.’’ All that changed after I got famous. Absolutely, I would love to pose for you. Excellent. Anytime you want to come by and visit, that'd be really nice. - Excellent. - I always wanted to see you again. Some of the early ‘‘Weirdo’’ collages... and also some publications. We managed to track them down. I think Crumb... is basically the Brueghel of the last half of the 20th century. There wasn't a Brueghel of the first half, but there is of the last half. And that is Robert Crumb... because he gives you that tremendous kind of impassion... of lusting, suffering, crazed humanity... in all sorts of bizarre, gargoyle-like allegorical forms. He's got this very powerful imagination, which goes over the top a lot... but it very seldom lies. He's Mr. Natural. He accepts women how they really are... and makes them even more beautiful than they really... Like that woman. I mean, she's really... She's got energy, form and drive. You can't push these women around. They're not wimps. He gives power to women. He made it okay for me to have a butt. He did a drawing of me, which I really liked a lot. It was neat. It showed my thighs as they really are. He helped me change my self-image. I had felt so inadequate before. It was like I didn't know... Believe me, Stevayne, you're adequate. Oh, you're so adequate. I feel Robert's work... is one of the most pertinent social portraits... of an era... touching issues related to politics... to sex, to drugs, to religion... to the fine arts. And I would say Robert is the Daumier of our time. He's a very remarkable artist, indeed. The tradition that I see him belonging to is, essentially... the one of graphic art as social protest, social criticism... which, of course, has extremely long roots. There are elements of Goya in Crumb. Goya's sense of monstrosity... comes out in those menacing bird-headed women of Crumb's for instance. Robert! In front of all these people? The undergrounds are alive and well. Whole industry sprung up. They're still reprinting the early ones. Number two, number four. God only knows how many of those have been printed by now. ‘‘Puke and Explode. '’ It's called ‘‘Puke and Explode’’. That's new. Who put that out? I don't know about these kids today. I guess you really started all this. You created this whole thing. You're responsible. I don't like to take credit for that. Some of this stuff, I know nobody would. I'm a really big fan of yours. I'm wondering if there's any chance I can get an autograph from you. I don't think so. I don't believe in giving autographs. Okay, well thanks anyway. - When are you actually moving? - Couple months. France isn't perfect or anything. But it's slightly less evil than the United States, I think. But that's not why I'm moving. Talk to my wife if you want to know why I'm moving. We do have something here that we wanted to show you. - Yeah? - Yeah. 1967 rock concert poster. Extremely rare item. It’s my only rock concert poster I ever did. There's this legend I keep hearing. People telling me... ‘‘Somebody told me you used to live with the Grateful Dead in Haight Ashbury... and you hung around with Jerry Garcia. '’ I never had anything to do with those guys. I hated that music. I went to a couple of those rock concerts and just fell asleep. Found it completely boring, that psychedelic music. I've got something for you. I want to tell you a little secret. It's called ‘‘Om Mani Padme Hum’’. This is where I get recognized more than anyplace in the world, on Haight Street. - Amazing. - I know. These are my people! People come to me and say, ‘‘R. Crumb!’’ Sometimes some guy will sit with me... and chew my ear off about all his hopes and dreams. Usually it's some oken-down hippie-pest guy. It's never like a beautiful young 20-year-old girl. It's just so interesting to come here and draw people. That's the main reason I come here, just to watch people. That girl was sitting here one day. Beautiful girl. I drew this other girl. She came up and wanted the drawing. So I cut it out, gave it to her. - Good way to meet girls. - Right. I drew this girl. She invited me to her house. Unfortunately, she wasn't very attractive. You kept the picture, I see. It's ironic that you're so identified with the '60s. At the time, it didn't seem you fit in with that flower child thing. I tried! I used to come here every day and try and be one of them. My main motivation was, get some of that free love action. but I wasn't too good at it. People would ask, ‘‘Are you a narc?’’ They would move away from you at the love-in. I look like I do now. Exactly. You, in effect... - You did have a costume. - It wasn't the right costume. I remember Janis Joplin giving me this piece of advice. ‘‘Crumb, what's the matter with you? Don't you like girls?’’ I said, ‘‘Of course I like girls. What do you think?’’ She said, ‘‘Just let your hair grow long, get a satin, billowy shirt... velvet jackets and bell bottoms and platform shoes. You'll do all right.’’ I just couldn't do that. The whole thing was too silly to me. I couldn't get with it. Here's a real beautiful one. I should get... The work in this book, the art, the feelings... are what made me fall in love with Robert. The way he saw colors and the way he saw women. When I was 17 years old, I looked a lot like that. So I was what he had been drawing. I was the embodiment of what he had been drawing for years. It's such a sweet, romantic vision of things. He did this book. It took him, I think, a year. That was his life. He had just finished the book days before we met. My parents were always fighting all the time. I used to say, ‘‘I'm never getting married.’’ My father said, ‘‘You'll marry the first one that comes along.’’ He was right. Robert always had a sketchbook or two going. He was constantly drawing. If we were in a restaurant, he'd draw on the place mat. If we were on the bus, he'd draw on his bus ticket. I had this big change in 1965 and '66. It was visionary. Very powerful, kind of knock-you-on-your-ass... visionary experience. This is my sketchbook for 1966 that covers that period. I took this very weird drug. Supposedly it was LSD, but it had a really weird effect. It made my ain all fuzzy. This effect lasted for a couple of months. I started getting these images, cartoon characters like this... that I'd never drawn before with these big shoes and everything. I let go of trying to have any coherent, fixed idea about what I was doing. I started being able to draw these stream-of-consciousness comic strips. Just kind of making up stuff. It didn't have to make any sense. It could be stupid. It didn't make any difference. All the characters that I used for the next several years... came to me during this period. These fit into this vision I was having. It was a revelation of some seamy side of America's subconscious. When I was drawing this, there was this young girl. She was 11. She said, ‘‘Isn't that cute?’’ To me, it was like a horror show, this whole thing. And she thought it was really cute and happy looking. To me, it was like a drawing of the horror of America. There were these hippie underground papers starting up in '66, '67. Every town had one or two of them. They would print anything if it was related to the psychedelic experience... or the hippie ethic. So I started submitting... these LSD-inspired comics I had been doing... to these papers, and they liked them. Then this guy came who suggested I do a whole issue of his paper. It was called ‘‘Yarrowstalks’’. I did that, and that went over big. He said, ‘‘Why don't you do psychedelic comic books, and I'll publish them?’’ So I set to work, and I did two whole issues of ‘‘Zap Comix’’. Crumb was incredibly exciting and incredibly hot. There were just a handful of us... doing this new form of comics. And what he was doing was just more innovative... than what any of us had even thought of. It was fun to be a part of that and to see ‘‘Zap’’ suddenly everywhere. From this concept of Robert's, this fantasy of doing his own comic book... with a glossy cover and actually printed... to seeing it turning up in all the windows on Haight Street, around town... hearing people talk about it... having the other artists show up and wanting to be a part of it. It happened very quickly. It seems to me it happened in a matter of weeks. Crumb gave the ownership of ‘‘Zap’’ to the artists. There was no editor. There was a certain point where it seemed underground comics... could get into the big time... and Crumb always seemed reluctant to push that sort of thing. They were offering him 100,000 bucks... just to start talking. Robert turned it down in two seconds. Aline screamed in the background, ‘‘What are you doing? We need money.’’ Forget it! I'm not going on ‘‘Saturday Night Live’’. The Rolling Stones wanted me to do an album cover. A couple other deals like that. I said ‘‘No.’’ This is not something you see every day in America... where selling out is everybody's ambition. After about a year of recognition and all the bullshit of fame... I just said, ‘‘Fuck it’’... and I started drawing the dark part of myself again in the comics... which I'd always kept hidden before. I was used to what he had been doing... which was really quite sweet. Then he did this one that was... just incredibly hostile to women... very sexually hostile. I wasn't expecting it. I was really shocked and taken aback. And just kind of like, whack! It's hard for me to believe... that he can't channel himself into doing better work. I like a lot of his work. And I don't miss the satirical aspect of it. Then I have a different reaction. Perhaps one of being really turned off and disgusted. And you know this cartoon, ‘‘Joe Blow’’... is one that I thought about a lot in that light. On the one hand, it's a satire of a 1950s... the healthy facade of the American family. It kind of exposes the sickness under the surface. But at the same time you sense... that Crumb is getting off on it himself in some other way. On another level, it's a self-indulgent orgy in a fantasy. And the fantasy, specifically, this story... is a story about a father... who commands his daughter to give him a blow job. She does, and they wind up having sex. And the little Leave-It-To-Beaver type other comes running in... and sees the father and his sister, and he's shocked. He runs to the mother to tell her. And Mom comes out of a closet wearing a sort of S&M getup. And the little boy says, ‘‘Oh, cool.’’ The next thing, Mom and son are having sex. The whole cartoon ends with the parents saying... ‘‘Gee, we should spend more time with the kids. '’ Very funny. So you read something like this... and I think that it has gone over the line... from satire of a 1950s... hygienic family in denial... into something which is just Crumb producing pornography. I think this theme in his work is omnipresent. It's part of an arrested juvenile vision. Crumb's material comes out of a deep sense of the absurdity of human life. At a certain psychic level, there aren't any heroes, villains or heroines. Even the victims are comic. It's this which people in America find rather hard to take... because it conflicts with their basic feelings. That sort of mixture of utopianism on one hand and Puritanism on the other... which is only another kind of utopianism... which has given us the kind of messy discourse that we have today. So Crumb, like all great satirists, is an outsider in his own country. Jesus! The fucking raging epithet music... coming out of every car, every store, every person's head. If they don't have noisy radios, they got earphones on like... ‘‘Motherfuckin' cock suckin' son of a bitch.’’ That's a lot of aggression. A lot of anger, a lot of rage. Everybody's walking advertisements. They've got advertisements on their clothes. Go walking around with ‘‘Adidas’’ written across their chests... or ‘‘49ers’’ on their hats. Jesus. It's pathetic. It's pitiful. The whole culture's one unified field... of bought, sold, market-researched everything. It used to be people fermented their own culture. It took hundreds of years, and it evolved over time. That's gone in America. People now don't even have any concept that there ever was... a culture outside of this thing that's created to make money. Whatever's the biggest, latest thing, they're into it. You just get disgusted after a while with humanity... for not having more, kind of like... intellectual curiosity about what's behind all this jive bullshit. Charles and I talk quite a bit about things. - We don't talk that much. - Yeah, we do. We hold aloof from each other for the most part. You spend all your time watching television... and doing your crossword puzzles. I don't watch television. I turn it on because it puts me to sleep. It's a good way to get to sleep. We're two recluses living in the same house. I wake up at 3:00 a.m. and it's still on. You do most of the talking in the relationship, Mother. There's no doubt about that. You told me that even though you take medication, you still feel depressed. Yeah, but not as much as I would if I wasn't taking the medication. What would happen if you stopped taking that stuff? I don't know. I tried it a couple of times... and I didn't like what was starting to happen to me. - He gets insomnia. - I felt I was becoming unhinged. So I got back on them in a big hurry. I tried this a couple of times, about two or three times. Do you still think they're picking my ain, Mother? Yeah. You have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. He's a good person. People like Charles. You know. Some people like me and some don't. I'm a very quiet, well-behaved citizen. - I've gone from one extreme to another. - You've gone in a complete circle. You used to make trouble on the streets. One of the last times I went out with you, we were walking around... and you went up to some old lady on the street... and started drilling her about her spiritual life... and she got frightened and threatened to call the police. Charles goes up to these strangers on the streets, starts raving at them. He was just a kid having fun. - This was when he was about 30. - No, he wasn't! He's still doing that kind of stuff. Now he doesn't leave the house. He got in trouble whenever he went out. Will you give me one good reason for leaving the house? At least he's not out taking illegal drugs. - No, he's taking legal drugs. - I'm taking legal dope. Or being married and making some woman miserable. This is true. One thing that kind of... I spent all this money. And he's got these $200 teeth upstairs and he won't wear them. - They're too uncomfortable. - At first. You gotta leave them in there. Then you don't know they're there. I never go anywhere, see anybody. What does he need them for? To chew food or what? Pride in his own appearance. He never goes out. What does he care what he looks like? I take a bath about once in six weeks. I believe in having a certain pride in yourself. In a way not that your ego gets out of hand and you're an egomaniac... Pride can't exist except in relation to other people. Yeah. That's right. I don't know. Your hygiene habits are pretty good. I'm never constipated. That's about all I can say for myself. That's something. You don't have hemorrhoids? Then you're doing good. Your father used to have trouble that way, with constipation. He was constipated all the time. - You were really obsessed with... - I could say something, but I won't. You always gave us kids castor oil. You were obsessed with constipation. When all you kids were real little, I had to take care of you by myself. That period where you used to try giving us all enemas? That didn't work. - I never gave you enemas. - Somebody... You always threatened to give us enemas if we didn't behave properly. - I did not! - Somebody tried to give me an enema. - She wouldn't admit it, but... - That it's not a regular suburban house? It's a suburban house... that looks like ‘‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane’’ or something. She has weird trinkets around? She has cats. The whole place smells like pee. Don't say that on the film. She doesn't want people in the house. The next thing my mother knows, this whole crew is filing in the door. ‘‘Oh, no pictures! No way, Jose’’ she says. Terry says, ‘‘No, we're going upstairs. We're gonna do it in Charles' room.’’ Of course then she got into it, and after a while, you couldn't shut her up. She talked on. She chattered on and on. It was awful. - What year is this? 1970. - I'd just met you. This is when I first met you in 1969. That's me. I remember that. - This doesn’t look like me. - You're right. Let me touch it up. The nose is too bulbous. The eyes are too far apart also. It's too late now, really. This was 18 years ago. - God, it just... - How about this drawing of you? I remember we were in this restaurant. This is ridiculous. Oh, good. - I'm still rolling. - She almost fell off the roof. But she can't see the notebook. That's me? That's you with your hair dryer. There's Terry. That's me. I like that drawing. That's one of the few drawings I liked. So you're going to sell these books and I don't get a percentage? This whole case of sketchbooks... I'm giving to this guy for a house in France. I had a lot of drawings here. What do I get out of this? - What drawings? - Several. I drew that! - No, Aline drew those. - You sure? - I drew that. - No, Aline drew those. Really? That's Aline when I first knew her. You went from this page, where I was on it... and like two pages later, it's Aline? - How did that happen? - It was a crazy period. That's disgusting. - That's horrible. - That's you and that's Aline. Oh, Jesus. You really hated women then. Do you think it's improved since? Yeah. I hate them a little bit less now. Guys like me, I like certain kinds of women's legs. - I'm not masochistic. - But you don't like feet! - You're not heavily into feet. - I'm not fixated, but I can get into it. I can have an orgasm playing with someone's foot. It's not a real narrow fixation. It's that the way the mind of the person who’s interested in legs and feet... is very different from the mind of the person who's interested in easts. Breast men tend to be aggressive, outgoing, athletic. - People who like the lower body... - She's got these types categorized. People who like the lower body tend to be frightened, introverted. It all has to do with being down on the floor when you were a scared child... and looking up at that big tower of Mommy. What's down there? The feet and legs. That's where the security is. Women go around feeling victimized by men all the time. They feel like the men have the power... and the area where women can take the power from men is through sex. Men have that fetishistic twist to their minds because they have that ability... to concentrate on one thing to the exclusion of all else... and can really be manipulated sexually, where women are not as susceptible. You are so frightening. Jesus! Women are susceptible to power. That's what I find. Any display of power and, ‘‘Oh, he's so interesting! Who's that man who's being so obnoxious and arrogant? He's so interesting.’’ I'm a career pornographer. I've been at it for 16 years. It was what I was always destined for. I always loved pornography. I took my birthday money when I turned 18 because I was legal... and went to the adult bookstore and bought pornography. I went through some other jobs, but always sexualized them... so finding pornography was just right. I'm the editor of ‘‘Jugs’’, ‘‘Leg Show’’ and ‘‘Bust Out’’ right now. I was also the creator of ‘‘Big Butt’’ magazine. We've arranged with Robert to do a photo shoot today... which will appear in ‘‘Leg Show’’ magazine. We’re going to have four or five women who we think Robert will like... but there's never any telling with Robert Crumb. Here's a girl I wish I could've gotten for the Crumb shoot. This is a mother-daughter dominance team from L.A. ‘‘Mother taught me to smother,’’ is this girl's motto. We're doing this for the Christmas issue. The mother's wearing a red outfit. We wanted them to do something festive. He's a person that would rather be a ain in a jar that a person in a body. Basically, we both focus on my body sexually. Robert's not too oriented towards normal sex. There wasn't much in the way of normal sex in our relationship... but lots of piggyback rides and wrestling around. He liked to sit on my shoe a lot. He never takes his shirt off. He likes to not exist. Robert is an admitted compulsive masturbator. He masturbates four or five times a day. He told me he masturbates to his own comics. I'm sure Picasso did. I think probably, yeah, some do. But I don't think many artists... give you such a wide range of masturbatory possibility as Crumb. That is, if you like what he likes. Does he do that? Robert doesn't exaggerate anything in his comics. The woman are exactly the way he wants them... and he accurately portrays himself... as the skinny, bad posture, myopic man he is. Some people wonder if he doesn’t exaggerate the size of his penis... which appears awfully big in the comics. Robert does not exaggerate anything. He is endowed with one of the biggest penises in the world. Why do I have my particular sexual proclivities? I don't know. Ask a psychiatrist. I don't know what it's about. I always thought Robert was just kidding about them. You thought I was kidding? That he was trying to be funny. Yeah, that's right. I couldn't imagine how anyone could be serious about these things. It was complete chaos, this relationship. The crying and fighting started soon, actually. You cried the third time I'd been with you. What's so horrible about crying? Why is that painful to you? ‘‘Oh, my God! How can I deal with it? What should I do? She's crying.’’ So you're saying that 20 years later you still have no idea... what you were doing that could've contributed to that? No, I guess I don't. It was confusing because he was totally irresponsible. He would call and say, ‘‘I love you, miss you, can't wait to see you.’’ He was supposed to be 200 miles away. He'd say, ‘‘I'll see you in a week or two.’’ I'd go out to buy groceries two hours later and see him with another woman. Then he'd wonder why I kicked him or got mad. Do you think I'm sadistic? He would always act like he was passively a victim. I used to call it his ‘‘Ashley Wilkes’’ routine... that he would pull... where he was just this passive victim of circumstance... in other people's desires. When really he was just trying to get away with whatever he could... and walking all over people. I walked all over people? Like who? You? You think you were a good guy, a nice boyfriend to me at the time. I think I'm not a very romantic person, that's all. I don't think I've ever actually been in love. I have many letters where you said ‘‘I love you’’ hundreds of times. I was abusing the word. I had this overpowering... I'm leaving. I was very fond of you. Ouch! I was fond of you... and had this overpowering lust for you that you could possibly imagine. But I wouldn't say I was in love. I just don't have it in me. - I've never been in love or jealous. - That's horrible. The only woman I've ever been in love with is Sophie, my darling daughter. You made me mess up. I did books in the '70s that were self-deprecating. My self-hatred was really intense then. Did you ever see this one? ‘‘Twisted Sisters. ’’ Nice cover. I show myself on the toilet. It got no recognition. Nobody bought it. I asked the publisher how it was doing. He said he was using it for insulation in the walls of his barn. What is the gist of your comics? What are they like? About me. My sex life, my phobias... what a disgusting human being I think I am. Your mother's featured in it a lot, too. It's the way I can tolerate my mother, is by drawing... really hideous drawings of her. Like this, for example. After Sophie was born, my mother visited me. She was so irritating and so unhelpful. It talks about how she couldn't hold the baby 'cause she'd had her nails wrapped. My mother yells in the restaurant, ‘‘Got any Sweet N' Low, dear?’’ A quiet fern-bar restaurant in San Francisco... and every person turned around to look. She came to the airport in an Afro, dressed up in this trendy outfit. Robert and I looked like immigrants just off the boat. - Is your father on the bottom there? - That's my mother's husband. She had him dressed in a leisure suit. When she first met him, he wore baggy own suits... he had short hair and he was fat. She put him on a diet, and put him in safari outfits... and made him grow sideburns. But he was still ‘‘shlubby’’. He had ‘‘shlubby’’ posture. But he was ‘‘trendily’’ dressed. Kind of follows along after her like that. - What does she think about your comics? - She doesn't see them. - She's not interested. - She doesn't know you're a cartoonist? Unconsciously she must know there's things she doesn't want to know about. And she doesn't take in very much about anybody anyway. She's not too interested. She saw this painting and a bunch of other paintings, and she said... ‘‘Those are nice. Who did them?’’ I said, ‘‘I did.’’ She said, ‘‘I didn't know you painted.’’ I mean, she sent me to art school! You just change the subject. ‘‘What are we having for dinner?’’ One thing you've learned is the importance of black. That's good. Thanks, Pop. Okay, enough. Why did you choose this figure in particular? I like these photos. They're powerful for some reason. This one was easy to draw. Finally picked attractive ones. Some of them are ugly, you know. - She's a mess. - Yeah, she is. The text talks about her being an alcoholic reprobate. They picked her up off the street. This one. Oh, God! Looks like a monster. In my drawing of her, I made her cuter than she really is... because I acquired the cuteness curse when I worked at American Greetings... which I can't shake. You got the tilt of her head right. That's hard to do. You have to really... The proportions of this to this. Is it the same or shorter? I did a lot of erasing at first. You haven't learned how to cheat yet to get the desired effect you want. Like what? Draw over the top of a Xerox? You want to capture a certain thing about this woman's face. - A certain defiance you see in there. - Yeah, I didn't get it. Exaggerate those little things that give her that look. Like the way her teeth slightly show. She's got a slight sneer. I try to do that, but it's hard with pencil. Just exaggerate, cheat a little. Like the tilt of the head... and the sneer, you would emphasize that. You have to consciously make a decision... of what you want to ing out in the face. I did that here, but it still didn't work out. It's very subtle in that photo. It's very subtle. My drawing doesn't capture the hate. It does in a way. You've got that open mouth. That's the key to the thing. - That sneer, you know? - Baring the teeth. Yeah. That's key. They obviously ordered her to sit down and don't move. They're going to take her picture, and just sit there. You can see she doesn't like it. It'd be good if you could take life drawing. You didn't go to art school, and look, you're rich and famous. We're not talking about rich and famous. We’re talking about learning to draw. A lot of my recent works appear in this ‘‘Weirdo’’ magazine. These are the kind of guys who read my work. It's an ode to the weirdo reader. The hurt, sensitive guy who doesn't fit in with the normal people. Like these people. She's saying, ‘‘I always hated the Three Stooges.’’ Of course, he loves the Three Stooges. This is my source material. I couldn't find pictures in magazines of ordinary, modern... street scenes in America. So I persuaded this guy in Sacramento to spend a day with me driving around... 'cause I don't drive and couldn't do it myself. Just to take snapshots of ordinary street corners in modern America. This has been indispensable to me. You can't remember these things, to draw these modern light poles and crap. All this junk on every suburban street. I've used it in a lot of places. It's background here. Stuff like that. In my story here, I used it also. This whole background, this stuff, I put it over here. You can't make up this crap. It's too complicated. On this cover I used a bunch of photos to take that stuff. In the real world, this stuff is not created to be visually pleasing. It's just accumulation of the modern industrial world. People don't even notice. They block it out. Robert and Sophie, dinner's ready. Hurry up. Go sit down. Get out of here. - Who, me? - No, her. She's helping me. Now she's eak-dancing. Get out of here. Come over here and get your plate. How's that? I'll trade you the gum for the plate. Gotta have my starch and my fat. Look at all this food. It's fun to eat supper with your family. Especially where there is good food on the table. At least you could manage to be on time. Your mother goes to all the trouble to prepare a fine meal. - It's only common courtesy, Chuck. - I know. But I couldn't help it. I was late home from school. Once I reached adolescence, it was the late '50s. Everybody I knew... their families had nothing to do with the advertisement for itself... that the culture was presenting on the TV screen. - Why not? - Do I have to have a reason? - All your friends will be there. - I don't care. Chuck! Don't talk with your mouth full. Chew your food well. Chew and chew. Doesn't it taste extra good that way? The whole thing is a big false front... that was suffocating, and so dreary and depressing. They grew up in the depression. I understand. They went through the war. They wanted this thing that was so tight, unthreatening and flat. They wanted a dull lifestyle. They wanted Perry Como. They wanted this Ozzie and Harriet shell we grew up in. The whole thing had... this creepy, nightmarish, grotesque quality. This is the first issue of ‘‘Zap Comix’’ that I did in late 1967. It was the beginning of all this underground comic nonsense. It was all very LSD inspired. A lot of these are things I redrew from sketchbooks. This ‘‘Whiteman’’ character. A lot of this stuff... I didn't realize when I was doing it what it was about or connected to. I realized afterwards, this is really about my father. This rigid... gung-ho American kind of guy. A typical World War ll generation man. When my father died in '82, my aunt gave me stuff my father had sent her. One of the things was this book he wrote, ‘‘Training People Effectively’’. I'm not sure what he did for a living in the last years of his life. It had something to do with employee motivation for a corporation. Here's a photo. I was reading about this syndrome in Japan that Japanese businessmen have. Something about some smiling disease... where they have a fixed smile on their face all the time. I think my father had that. The article said it was a sign of deep depression. He didn't smile when he was home. The smile dropped as soon as he came home. He was a grim guy. He fought in the war and everything. He had a hard-ass attitude about life... and thought my mother was mollycoddling all of us, which she was. All three of his sons ended up being wimpy, nerdy weirdos. It oke his heart, I think. He wanted one of us to become a Marine. My father was hotheaded. He'd just blow his stack. He'd lash out and hit you real hard. When I was five years old, on Christmas this whole thing happened... where he blew his stack at me and busted my collarbone. - When you were five? - Yeah. Charles had a penchant for getting in trouble. He was diabolical as a kid. And my father would beat him unmercifully... for these things he was doing, crimes he was committing. It just made him worse. I had this subconscious desire to be punished. - Why? - It had something to do with my father. It had something to do with being ought up by a sadistic bully. There's some connection there between the two of them... although I'm not really sure what it is. What was your mom like when you were a kid? She was an amphetamine addict. The amphetamines would make her act crazy... and do and say really crazy things. It had an absolutely devastating effect, I think, on all five of us kids. Do you? It had a devastating effect on me, anyway. How did your parents get along? They got along well up until the time I was 9 or 10 years old. But after Beatie started taking amphetamines to keep her weight down... they had a terrible time. They were screaming and yelling at each other all the time... morning, noon and night. - She'd scratch at the old man's face. - Till it looked like ground hamburger. He would put makeup on when he went to work... in an attempt to cover up the scratches on his face. The old man came to me and said... ‘‘lf you don't go out and get a job, I’ll make your life a hell on earth.’’ That's exactly what he started to do, to make my life a hell on earth. So to get him off my back, I took a job as a telephone solicitor... for the ‘‘Philadelphia Inquirer’’. I stuck it out for a year... because I was afraid of what he would do to me if I didn't. That's the last time you held a job, though, right? And it only lasted for a year. That was back in '69. The old man was always trying to make productive citizens out of us. When I was a teenager, he forced me to use my drawing talent... to draw pictures of houses, then ask the people if they wanted to buy them. - That was the old man's idea, wasn't it? - Completely his idea. He made me do it. It was a hateful job. When I first got well-known, he was proud of me. He heard I was getting well-known for my work, but he never saw it. I don't think he would've approved. He would've disapproved of it on so-called ‘‘moral grounds’’. Somebody told me that someone at work showed him one of my comics... and that's when he stopped talking to me. He wouldn't speak to me after he saw the stuff I was doing in the early '70s. The story I had most trouble with is this one. I got two pages into it and thought... ‘‘This is too negative, too twisted, too upsetting. I’ve gotta stop this.’’ I quit working on it. I threw the page in the garbage can. At some point, Aline came into my studio for something... and I decided, ‘‘I'll show her this and see what she thinks about it.’’ So I pulled it out of the garbage can. I said, ‘‘What do you think about this? I threw it away. I didn't want to continue it. It's too weird, too disturbing.’’ She read it and said, ‘‘You have to finish this. You've got to see this through.’’ I said, ‘‘She's a woman. She said I have to do it, so I'll do it.’’ So Flakey Foont answers the door and there's a girl's body standing there. But what you see is Mr. Natural's head and beard where her head should be. That's how it starts. Flakey Foont is confused by that. And Mr. Natural comes galloping in... riding the girl around the room. Her body's very frisky, and you don't see her head at all. You just see Mr. Natural's beard where her head should be. Then she lands in a split. And Mr. Natural starts talking about what an amazing body this woman has. But the head was always a problem... 'cause she had such an obnoxious personality. Flakey Foont is shocked and horrified when he sees she doesn't have a head. Mr. Natural explains, ‘‘She was obnoxious, so I got rid of the head. You wanted her, lusted after her. Now you can have her because her head's missing.’’ Then he explains how he took the head off... and topped the neck with a cap. Then Mr. Natural says he discovered... that she had a second, smaller ain in her butt... and that is what's making the body function. Then he gives Foont directions on how to feed her. You take the cap off... and put this funnel down her neck. Mr. Natural pulls out this mannequin head and says... ‘‘lf you take her outside, you've got to put this head on her... so people aren't shocked and horrified by a headless girl walking around.’’ Mr. Natural leaves and says, ‘‘Don't say I never did anything for you.’’ He gives the girl to Foont, and Foont's getting excited. He's got this wondrous body all to himself to do with whatever he wants. He says, ‘‘I like it better with just the cap.’’ He knocks the fake head off. He's leading her to the wall... and she accidentally steps on the fake head and smashes it. He pushes her against the wall, pulls her clothes off... and he's admiring her firm butt. This is the part where I get excited when I'm working on it. I enjoy drawing the female form. I make a lot of fuss to make sure the figure comes out the way I want it. The males, I don't care what they look like. So he starts to fuck her. He penetrates her from behind, and he's getting really excited. At the same time he feels guilty. While he's in the middle of coming... he imagines her severed head... and then her face condemning him. She says, ‘‘You little shit!’’ Cut to Mr. Natural. He's home, phone's ringing. ‘‘I got home an hour ago.’’ Yeah, it's Foont. He's feeling guilty. Foont wants to ing her back. He can't handle it. Mr. Natural says, ‘‘Okay, ing her over. Make sure you put the head back on before you take her outside.’’ He realizes the head's been smashed. He doesn't know what to do. Actually, a lot of these poses in these panels... I took from freeze-framing the Fly Girls on ‘‘In Living Color’’. He ties up a shirt into a ball and puts it on top of the cap. Then he puts a hat on. He pushes her in the car. We cut to Mr. Natural's house. Mr. Natural's saying he's going to regret it if he doesn't keep her. Mr. Natural says, ‘‘Forget it. We'll put the head back.’’ Mr. Natural unscrews the clamp, pulls the pipe out of her. He reaches in. This is probably the most sickening, disturbing panel in the story. Aline says it's the most disturbing part of the whole thing. He's pulling hard, and he pulls her head back out by her tongue. Her head was actually inside her body all the time. Foont is very shocked, then relieved that her head is back. Mr. Natural says, ‘‘Old African witch doctor stuff. Nothing special.’’ And she says, ‘‘That was so weird!’’ Mr. Natural says, ‘‘Yep.’’ Then they both realize the head's back, the trouble's back. She says what happened to her and what did Mr. Natural do to her... and where does he get his crazy ideas? At this point, Foont feels guilty and starts apologizing to the devil girl... for having done the deed to her when she didn't have her head. She says, ‘‘What are you saying? ’' She realizes that Mr. Natural handed her over to Foont for him to play with. She says, ‘‘You gave me to that shmuck to play with as if I were a piece of meat.’’ He says, ‘‘What the hell's the difference? ’' He tries to get away and she's chasing him. In the end, she's raging with anger and she says... ‘‘Where's a butcher knife? I'm going to cut both your heads off!’’ Typical comic book ending. I see a theme... running through his work that is very frightening. And it's the woman with her head either cut off or somehow distorted... something done to it so that nothing is left but the body. And the body, of course, you can have sex with. When Crumb draws that little monster, Mr. Natural... doing things you or I would not normally think of doing with a headless woman... it is not intended, I imagine, to be apologia for beheading... or an apologia for rape. But it is an acknowledgement that these kinds of fantasy... actually do dwell in homo sapiens, they're there. I'm saying that it's very irresponsible to put... dangerous sexual fantasies on paper... and make them available to the public. It's important for women to not just run in horror from pornographic images... and immediately think they represent oppression... and the power of men to degrade women. And to think, sometimes, about the fact that they often are... They're fantasies of having power. They're fantasies of being able to dominate... that come out of a fear of precisely the opposite. Fear of not being able to be attractive to women. Impotence fears. And fears of powerlessness in general. How do you feel about the way he depicts women in his comics? He depicts his id in its pure form. The dark side of human nature is in every person. That's what I was drawn to in his work. That he could illustrate that really clearly. It's unusual to see it. I think it's always there. Does any of that bother you? He's not like that in other ways as a person. He gets it out in his artwork. He fools around with other women. How do you deal with that? I fool around with other men. I have hostilities toward women. I admit it. It's out in the open. I have to put it out there. Sometimes I think it's a mistake. I should never have let it out. I'd be more well-Ioved. The whole thing would be easier and cleaner if I didn't let it out. But it's in there, and it's very strong. And it ruthlessly... forces itself out of me onto the paper... for better or worse. When I was 9 or 10, my other collected ‘‘Zap Comix’’. When I saw those, they really deeply, deeply... terrified me. I was deeply upset. I looked at them and thought... ‘‘This is adulthood? This is what adult women are? This is what I grew up into? ’' It was horrifying. I wonder if you think about the effect on people who read it... or what you're validating for boys. I just hope that somehow... revealing that truth about myself is somehow helpful. I hope it is. But I have to do it. Maybe I shouldn't be allowed. Maybe I should be locked up and my pencils taken away from me. I just don't know. I really can't say. I can't defend myself. I was with my daughter Sophie watching ‘‘Goodfellows’’ on videotape. The violent part horrified her so deeply she started getting a stomach ache. I shut it off, wouldn't let her watch it. I think it's a great movie, truthful movie. I got a lot out of seeing it. It's obviously not for a kid. Sometimes certain harsh realities of life... You've got to protect your kids a little bit from that. They don't understand a lot of things yet. Not everything's for children. Not everything's for everybody. Have you gotten criticism about the way you draw black people? Oh, yeah, but it all came from white liberals. Here's an example of the kind of thing I'm talking about in ‘‘Ooga Booga’’. It's actually a mockery of black people. It's a vomiting up of Crumb's own racism... his own deepest hostilities and fears. If you have a knee-jerk reaction, and that's as far as you get... then you say he's a racist. But once you think about how he's toying with that... how he's shoving it in your face... you start to think about your attitudes... and how the stereotypes came about, and it gets complicated. All that stuff I did in the late '60s... I didn't really know what it was about when I did it. It was very instinctive. Somehow LSD liberated me in this way... that allowed me to put it down and not worry about what it meant. I had a vague idea that it meant something... but it was later that I'd look at it, analyze it and see what it's about. Somehow the term ‘‘nigger hearts’’ just came into my mind... as a product. It's like it's some black, deep thing... in American collective mind or something... that has to do with turning everything over for a buck. I'm not sure exactly, but it's some message like that. Quite a number of people these days would like... this nice, milky vision of culture in which it's all improving... and leads us all to this nice little pie-in-the-sky moral heaven... where nobody's nasty to anybody else. But the only thing is that literature, culture, art... isn't put there to have that pleasant, normative effect. Conservatives like to think great works of art lead us towards democracy. Bull. There were speeches in Shakespeare that were so full of hatred for the mob... they're passionately elitist, passionately antidemocratic. What do you with someone like Celine, a Nazi sympathizer yet a great novelist? What do you do with practically anybody who's got a vision of the world... not in accord with the present standards at Berkeley? They're all wearing Raiders and 49ers jackets. Sophie wants us to get her a 49ers jacket. Why do you want to live in the midst of it? Like Hamlet, I'm too scared to kill myself. You gonna move to the south of France? You gonna miss all this? I'll be out of here in a couple more months. I can't live in it. I can't take it. They can't wait to have the money to get their hands on this stuff. They live for it. It's a beautiful world. You gonna finish this one soon? It depends on when I have a chance to pick up an oil ush again. You worked on this recently, right? Did you do something to this recently? When was the last time I painted? I was working on that thing of Dian... that portrait of that New York floozie you were running with. - This one? - This is a portrait number. You put things together and watch the paint do stuff. How come you put that metallic-Iooking assiere on her? Her personality was like that. She had a hard, armored personality. She was a oad underneath it. She would find that thing you put on her really disturbing. It just reflects the personality, an icy, crazed expression in the eyes. But there's a warmth and reluctance in the smile. - You know what I mean? - Interesting. - She's in therapy now. - She is? She doesn't need therapy. She fucks too hard. How do you cure that except by death? You start from a blob. When you do ink work, you start from a line. Being fixated with... Like that one. This is also an example of being fixated with line. I started getting into very detailed... You can see a very distinct line thing in the character of it. You're pleased with this when you look at it now? I like the style a lot. This is Van Gogh shooting himself. - In a cornfield. - What's the corn about? It's like that Walt Whitman line: ‘‘Quintillions ripen and the quintillions green.’’ He was out picking fruit, a transient picker. He came to this realization: the abundance of the farm thing. The abundance of plant growth. He wrote this line: ‘‘Quintillions ripen and the quintillions green.’’ - The same thing with corn. - A stylized Van Gogh painting. Corn has infinite ability, like primal nature. - What's with Van Gogh shooting himself? - His mind went to this place. There's this infinite abundance, like in an ear of corn. This is the first oil painting you ever did, isn't it? It's the first oil I ever did. Yeah. You never drew before, and it suddenly just came out of you. It's like something was released inside of you. When I had that first epileptic fit in sixth grade... I was drawing a picture of my face with charcoal in art class. I said, ‘‘Hey, you can draw.’’ It started working out. It was the first time I had this artistic experience. It was so violent to me that I had a fucking seizure. I ended up in the hospital the next day. This is probably one of the last comic covers Charles ever did. It might be the very last one. His psychotic bunny rabbits. In our late teens, I persuaded Charles... that we should send away for ‘‘The Famous Artists Talent Test.’’ They had ads in magazines. We each sent away for this test. I did mine legitimately, the way you were supposed to. But Charles couldn't help himself. You were supposed to complete the figure by drawing a costume on it. But he put pasties on her tits... and started drawing weird, psychotic characters in the background. Psychotic Mickey Mouse. They had an outline of this barn and tree. You were supposed to draw in textures on surfaces. They gave suggestions on how to fill in the textures. That's his interpretation of that. Here was your ability to arrange elements in a picture. They give you objects. You're supposed to make an arrangement. So he did this and this. ‘‘Your imagination as an illustrator. Complete this picture by adding... whatever other figure or objects you think are necessary.’’ So he drew this girl here. A week after this came in the mail, a salesman showed up to grade our tests. If you got a good grade, you got the privilege... of paying $400 to take the course. He looked at Charles... at what he had done, and he was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He told me mine was good, I had a lot of potential and I should take the course. But Charles, he wouldn't even speak to him. He was pretty far gone at that point already. This is some of his later work... sort of the end of his comic period. About 1961. He's about 18. He started developing this weird wrinkle technique in his drawing... and it became stranger and stranger. Had nothing to do with the outside world at all. Became more and more ingrown in this way. It had to do with his increasing alienation from the world. Isolation. He never went to pen and ink. He never got beyond pencil and crayons. This is some of the last ‘‘Treasure Island’’ stuff he did. This is late '61. It's beautifully drawn except the wrinkle stuff gets out of hand. He got more and more obsessed with that. It gets real dark-looking. He had this fascination with the relationship... between the kid and Long John Silver, the pirate character... which he elaborated on endlessly. This is one of our two-mans. You can see he gradually added more and more text. The writing takes over. Look at that. He lost interest in drawing... and then he went to this loony writing. There's a certain phase of Charles' life that had this compulsive graphomania. He did dozens of these notebooks. He gave me a bunch of them. People found them fascinating. This is upside down, though it doesn't make any difference. I don't know if it's upside down or right side up. When he first started out, it was readable... and then it became less and less readable. What I definitely need is some kind of external stimulation... to rejuvenate me and get me going again. But I don't know how I'm going to be able to arrange this eventually. I don't know. I'll have to start doing that in a mental hospital. I remember this time we were at Neal's house and Mary was there. Mary said, ‘‘I'm bored. I'm gonna take a bath.’’ She went in the bathroom and... I told her not to do it. Maxon's eyes glazed over and he got kind of red. He got up as if he was in a trance and he went up to the bathroom. I said, ‘‘What are you doing?’’ He pushed the bathroom door open. Mary was standing there naked and she screamed. She slammed the door. I said, ‘‘Maxon, come away.’’ I tried to pull him away from the door. He was completely in a trance. He pushed the door open again. Mary yelled again. Then Maxon fell on the floor... had an 8-minute seizure. What's with these Oriental women you were into in this phase? - You were attracted to Oriental women. - I was when I first started doing this. When you were in that phase. The phase of molesting women and getting in trouble with cops. - Were you actually raping these women? - No. I didn't get that much into it. He'd goose them and run away. You've got to do a lot of molesting to get to rape. If you do a couple years of molesting, you'll get to rape. I started molesting when I was 18. I started with Chinese women for some crazy reason on subways in Philadelphia. I went through different periods of it. But I'm out of it. It's too much passion, too much animal. Didn't they put you in some kind of psycho ward for a few weeks? Two weeks on Haldol will cure anything. You'll do anything they tell you after two weeks on Haldol. For a sensible person it's just terrible. You get heavy into molesting. It's a violent crime thing. I get to the point where I start pulling girls' shorts down. I'm walking around this district by the Marina, a shopping district. This beautiful Jewish-looking girl... with obscenely ief shorts on... goes into this drugstore. I'm in a fit. I gotta do this to this oad. She's just too much. I've gotta risk my whole life just to do something to this oad. So I go in, cold sweat all over the place. She doesn't notice. She's casually looking over some shampoo. I'm trying not to be obtrusive. She goes up to the counter. It's like this complete, personal struggle... about this moment I gotta pull this risky trip. I walk up behind her while she's paying for the shampoo. I grab the bottom of her shorts and go... They go all the way down, and her ass pops out like a ripe peach. ‘‘Jesus Christ!’’ she says. ‘‘There's someone there. '’ Maybe 15 or 20 years from now I'll be more willing to talk about it. But not now. I've still got too many scruples. - Did you tell Maxon about them? - He thinks you're putting it on. Charles confessed to me when we were adults that... when we were teenagers, he had to stifle the urge to stick a knife in my heart. He'd be lying in bed, fighting the urge to go to the kitchen for the knife. I wanted to go to the basement, get an ax and bash your skull in. I told Maxon. He didn't believe it. He thought it was all part of the act. - He thinks the whole thing's an act. - He thinks my mental sickness is an act. He thinks you have a cushy position in things... because you got the mother's love and he didn't. That's what he thinks. He must think I have reasons for putting on this act. What does he think those reasons are? I don't think he thinks it out too deeply. He's just reacting. He still has anger and resentment because he wasn't loved by the mother. I know what the homicidal tendencies stem from now. It stemmed from an excessive degree of narcissism. It seems all I have to do is overcome the excessive degree of narcissism... and my homicidal tendencies will go away. - You still have these tendencies? - No, they're pretty well gone. Think it's drugs? What's the connection between narcissism and homicidal tendencies? When narcissism is wounded... it wants to strike back at the person who wounded it. - Did I wound your narcissism? - Many, many times. Many, many times. I'm at the point in meditation where I have to use a bed of nails. I'm not a great expert at the nails, so I cover a portion of the nails... with this thin bandana so it's not too painful to me. I have to regulate the amount of pain that I take with it. - How long can you sit on those? - I can sit a couple hours. This is quite easy. The cloth cleans your intestines out on the inside. You might say it gratifies your intestines. Every six weeks, regularly, I have to pass it through my entire body. And it takes three days for it to come out the other side. You don't take the nails on the street, right? They're prejudiced against people, like in the financial district... against someone praying in the street. You go out with your beggar bowl about every day. I do it every day, once a day. It's part of my whole thing. I have to go out and meet the public. Put the bowl down, lock in and do it. It's a dirty job. - How long has he had this bed of nails? - A couple years. He sits on it about three or four times a day? - About once a day for a couple hours. - Does he sleep on it? No. It's not big enough to sleep on. He just sits on it. - Where did he get it? Did he buy it? - You can't buy a bed of nails. Just a minute. What is it? What? Not too badly. Remember, Mother, I'm under the influence of medication. That's helping me through this thing to a certain extent, anyway. - When did you start taking medication? - About 20 years ago. If only it would do something about the inner anguish and pain. You started taking it after you attempted suicide? I started taking it after one of my suicide attempts. - You drank furniture polish. - That was the first time. I drank a bottle of furniture polish and took an overdose of sleeping pills. I chickened out at the last minute, and went downstairs... and asked Mother to take me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. Jesus! There were two or three other attempts besides that one. This morning you were talking about getting a lobotomy. - Why not? - Why not? God, it's grim. Charles confessed to me that when he first saw ‘‘Treasure Island’’ in 1950... he developed this crush on Bobby Driscoll, and it never went away. Bobby Driscoll's the kid who plays Jim Hawkins. The root of this whole obsession was this kid that was in the movie. He was drawing Bobby Driscoll, this kid, endlessly. When he told me this, I was shocked. I had no idea that's what it was about. I guess it's caused him a lot of torment in his life. He's never been able to have any real sexual life at all. He's never had sex. I don't think any of them got out, Mother. When she yelled, ‘‘Get the hell out of here!’’ I said, ‘‘Who's she talking to?’’ And I said, ‘‘She's being pursued by invisible enemies.’’ Who does she think they are? I don't know exactly. It's hard to tell. Charles? Fix that curtain in the hallway. The curtain in the hallway? Come here. Come here. Let me see that, please. Let me show you the painter. I did that one and that one. - That one's good. - Let me show you what one it is. This is my character. That's your character? - What are biscuit teeth? - Her dog! - Biscuit Teeth. - That's her dog? Leave it the way it is. Gimme a eak. Isn't that better? Look. Much better. Everything has to be black and white. Everything has to be old-fashioned. It just looks better like that. The old man, I think, took off pretty much for good... when I was probably five or six years old I guess. I can't remember that period of time very well. But I didn't see him too regularly after that. He was over here for the most part: Madison, Dixon. Kind of gone most of the time. I think he has sort of a hard time emotionally. Sometimes I'll feel like I want to express affection to the old man. I feel like I want to put my arm around him or shake his hand... or get close in some way. He can't do it. - How tight? - Pretty tight. What a disaster this is, taking these records out. I was planning to live here until I died! I didn't want to move out of this place, and move all these damn records. That'll teach you to have a hobby. Be careful with those. You eak them, I'll kill you. My copy of Frank Bunch and His Fuzzy Wuzzies. Put those there on that futon. Tight as you can. Pull it out and I'll cut it. Jesus, that wife of mine. Having me move to France, for God's sake. It's too late now. The die is cast. A lot of stuff is in here and some of it's in there. Pulling up to here would be the best thing. I don't know. We'll have to look. We have plywood we can put down. She's having a ball out there, telling those guys what to do. God, giant trucks are here, everything. Embarrassing. You think those guys are going to be sensitive to my record collection? Bunch of football jocks. ‘‘Whaddya got here? A bunch of old albums or somethin'?’’ Is there anything you're going to miss about this country? A certain relaxed quality that people have here that Europeans don't have. They're more formal. America's a big ‘‘slobville’’? I went to get my friend’s belongings in Eureka. It was at these people's house. I went into their living room. They had this chair that was a gold plastic football helmet... with a red and blue padded seat. They had double-wide couches and a four-foot TV screen with Nintendo. A Ninja Turtle game was on. A giant, fat teenager was sitting there, mesmerized. You don't see too much of that in France. How do you feel about leaving your family here? I don't have any feelings about it one way or the other. What do I care? Never see that mother or other anyway. Talks to them like once a year. What about Jesse? He's devastated that we're leaving. On the other hand, we told him he could come and stay with us there. He's thrilled about that. We gave him $500 for plane fare... so he's going to come. - How about Max? - Max I feel bad about. He doesn't have too many other people to talk to. I'm probably his closest human relationship in the world. These are all records? Those 78s you were talking about? Yep. So I've got no patience for Hollywood bullshit. I can't think in those terms. I've already got so much of my life wasted with those people down there. Animation? Forget it. No. I'm not interested in it at all. There hasn't been a decent animated film made in this country since 1940. ‘‘Cheery Pop Tart’’ is an abomination. Larry Wells is an idiot. It's going to be a piece of garbage. I'm not interested. All right. So long. I was on a conference call with Charles Webb, a friend of Dan O'Neill's. They're putting together the ‘‘Cherry Pop Tart’’ film. They got on the phone with some guy in L.A. who says... ‘‘Hey! I'm your kind of guy. Remember 'Tommy Toilet'? I love it!’’ They want to make a movie? The natural film, of course. It's a ‘‘go’’ project. This is how I felt after that last hell week... of you filming me here. ‘‘How perfectly goddamned delightful it all is, to be sure.’’ When I was a kid, if I ever started showing enthusiasm for anything... by other Charles would say... ‘‘How perfectly goddamned delightful it all is, to be sure.’’ Always take the wind out of my sails. Even though I don't see him often, whenever I'm with him... it revives that keen awareness of that... of being very removed or extremely separated... from the rest of humanity and the world in general. I kinda like that feeling. ‘‘How perfectly goddamned delightful it all is, to be sure.’’ Fix it, Charles. Put back the towel the way I had it. First put the towel up. Watch you don't pull the shade all the way off the thing. I won't. Can't come in and disrupt people's house like this! Where are the babies? I don't know. I think that little girl is in my room.

Shao Lin, Shao Lin. How many heroes adore you. Shao Lin, Shao Lin. How many wonderful stories mentioned you. Your martial art is the only one in the world. The Shao Lin Temple is famous everywhere. lts history last forever. The Shao Lin Temple is splendid. The thousand years' old temple, the mystic place, the valley of Song Shan, every people dreams of, the original place of martial art, the charming place, is well-known in everywhere, and will be praised forever. Shao Lin, Shao Lin, Shao Lin... You good boys. Ya Chu Lai has suffered for you, and you have been purified. Now l tell you the facts of ten laws, to advise you respecting yourself, and others. Chueh-Yuan. Firstly, thou shall not kill. Can't you do that? Thou shall not kill, can't you do that? Thou shall not kill, can't you do that? Who is lazy, who shall be killed. Wars happened during the end of Sui Dynasty. Heroes fought for empire and divided the land. The traitor Wang Shi Chuang settled at Tung Tu. Named himself King Cheng, and ruled cruelly. Li Shi Min and his army are already near Hwangho. How can be defend with these weak men? General, we really can't get strong men. We even have to use the dying prisoners. Take all prisoners and Mighty Leg Chang to me. Yes. Hurry! Hurry! Get out. You are called Mighty Leg Chang. l'll make your legs oken. Father. Father. Be careful. Hsiao Hu, run away. Dad... Ready, Who is it? Amida Buddha. Abbot, more and more people are starving, soon, our property, Can't afford to feed the people. To help them is our Buddhist's business. Amida Buddha! From now on, tell those people to leave. No one can stay here. Abbot. This boy is seriously hurt and fainted. Will you keep him stay? No. That will ing us great trouble. Jen Jih, save one's life is important, Talk no more. Abbot. His identity is unknown, l'm afraid he may ing us trouble... Since Wang Jen-Tse settled, he killed innocent, that made people angered. Abbot, Buddhist should be kind, you let him stay. Abbot... Saved him first. Buddha bless him. You are inging yourself into trouble. Master, we can't put water into him mouth. He is too weak. We don't have rich food, may be we can't saved him. How can we be like this, what shall we do? ''Go as wind, stand ad pine, sit as bell, rest as bow'' Then what are you doing? We...we are practicing Toad Kung-fu. Right. Don't do that. You offend the law, face the wall for three days. What? Why do you follow me? What are you laughing for? What so funny? As a monk, you should neither cheer nor anger. You beast. Master, kill it. lt's a sin, Set it free. Yeah. Amida Buddha. Amida Buddha. Master. Amida Buddha. Master, l'm guilty. What is it? l committed murder. ''Save one's life and you can go to heaven.'' The frog will be grateful if it knows. Sure? Monks won't cheat. l do understand. Painful? No. Thank you... Let's talk again when you have recovered. Master, congee with frog. Wu Sha sent him two eggs. She cares him so much. Master, how is the taste? You should know, He think he is smart. The sun rises from Song Shan. Morning bell wakes the birds. Streams runs along the wood. Grasses are green on the hillside. Fruit smell sweet, flower look pretty. The dogs hop, the rams run. Hold up the whip and flicks softly. Song drifts along the mountain. Watch out! Ya Wong, chase him. Wo, Wo. Come on. lt's really coming. Ya Wong, chase him. l go to take again. Get away. lt's useless if one only knows to eat and sleep. lt's useless if one only knows to eat and sleep. Hey, wake up. Oh, it's dead. Who is it? lt's me... What are you doing? l want to take the short cut to get water. T'a Lin is the land for burying monks of Shao Lin. Nobody is allowed without the abbot's permission. Get! Yes! l didn't mean to kill you. l think it's good of me, to bury you in this scenic place. lt's buried, that's pitiful. Fairy would come if he smells the taste of dog's meat. lt's a pity that you are monk. Hsiao Hu. Big Monk. You are weak, this food is good to your health. l... You are not buddhist, and you are outside the temple. You need not obey our law, you may eat. You have eaten before, aren't you? This is usually cook with ginger, wolfberry's fruit... But it is my first time see this way of cooking. You are tired enough for caring me, and you should take some rich food. Amida Buddha. As a buddhist, it's guilty even to think of it. lt's hard to enjoy such good food. No one will come here, you may eat. Master... Master... Master, during these years in Shao Lin Temple, we work more than we eat. lt's tired. it's hard to have this rich food. You have one. Master, let's eat together. These buddhists came here when they were in danger, in such case, so they aren't so devoted. Let's eat, it taste good... Master, then, aren't we eaking the law? ''with Buddha in your heart, wine and meat are nothing.'' We must have Buddha in heart, and help people. No need to worry about too much. l understand. ''with Buddha in your heart, wine and meat are nothing.'' Brother Shih K'ung realized this already. Big Monk, he? Love can't be forgotten. Shih K'ung, wine increase sadness, don't get drunk. We've eaten Hsiao Hu's dog. and we haven't requite. Master, monks have nothing, nothing to requite. Shih K'ung, aren't you hurt? He's drunken. The fool. Shih K'ung. Big Monk, he? He looks drunk but he isn't drunk. Looks drunk but not drunk? Drunken stick? Yes, years ago, when his wife was giving birth, he was so happy that he bought a large pot of wine. But, his wife had been killed by the robber Wang Jen-Tse. So he became very fond of wine. Every day he is sad and drunk. And that made him to create the ''Drunken Stick''. He has such smart kung-fu, why don't he revenge? Can't defeat so many enemies alone. Somebody. Hide. Get away. Amida Buddha. lt's a sin. Ya Wong. Ya Wong. Madam. Did you see my dog? Oh, you killed my dog. No. Madam, please listen to me... No, give me back my dog, give me back. ls that enough? Otherwise, l'll hurt you. You dare hit me? As you are a girl, l let you hit few times, lf you continue on, l'll hurt you. Father. Father? What's so serious? You are so cruel to make him hurt like this. lt's him who's so cruel. Madam, l didn't mean to... However you explain, l won't forgive the one ate my dog. That means, you won't even forgive me? You? l also ate the dog. Father, why do you shelter him? So are you. He recovered so fast, all because of your eggs and goats' milk. l... Thank you. l hate you, revenge instead of thank. Look at this girl! ls she really your daughter? This girl had no mother since she was a baby. At that time, l was being attacked by Wang Jen-Tse, and was force to hide myself in Shao Lin Temple. So l made her stay at a farmer's home. The old man spoiled her because he had no kids. l must kill Wang Jen-Tse for revenge. Please teach me Shao Lin Kung-fu. The temple has rule, kung-fu is use for protection, it cannot be learnt by other people. You aren't Shao Lin monks, l... l'm willing to become a monk. No killing. lt bite me. The Temple's door is widely opened, good man my enter. He seems enjoying to kill. The Temple cannot allow him. Buddhist should be merciful. Chueh Yuan wills to cut his hair, he has been good. Willing to do evils, willing to achieve goodness, must task to save all people. Chueh Yuan, what's the matter? Master, l have been a monk for nearly three months, besides gett water and cut wood icks, l stand here all day long, when will you teach me Shao Lin Kung-fu? lt's only three months, look at your senior others, smoke coming out from head, holes made by foot, this Vajra eaking power, needs three to five years of practicing. What? Just stand like this need three to five years. Remember, practice kung-fu, don't fear bitterness. l'll remember. Chueh Yuan, good! Stop it! Shao Lin kung-fu is for defense and not attack. You look like enjoying to kill. You're punished to face the wall for three days! Oh other! Brother Aren't you afraid of being punished again? l... Go back to your work! Should we regard killing mosquito as a sin? lf that is so, how can l revenge my father's death? Why should l be a monk without learning kung-fu? lt is not that easy to be a monk. l don't want to be a monk any more. Master, please forgive me for leaving you. Miss Pak, l own you a life. l'll repay your kindness in future. She is pretty, let's ing her back. She's such a wild girl. Let's kill her! Stop it! Thank you. General, please taste these velvet and ram's penis. No. They are good for nothing without the girl. lt's a sin. General, l have got some gaming food for you. Gaming food? Oh, it's good! Good. General, watch out for her wildness. Her wildness?...Her wildness? General! What? There's a kid outside the door. He has wounded several of us. How come you are not dead yet, kid? That is tough for her. lt won't be funny without the wildness. Chueh Yuan! lt's you. Oh, be careful! He's drunk. Drunken sword? Chueh Yuan! You better run quickly. How about you? l have to take revenge. Aren't you woken yet? You are looking for death, Kid. Run quickly! Li Shih-Min? Let's chase! Oh! You are bleeding! Thank you. l also thank you for saving my life. Miss Pak, aren't you angry with me? Angry for what? l owe you a life. A dog's life or human life? l have already got an advantage. lt's a pity l am unable to kill Wang Jen-Tse. He's got too many lackeys. Dad is good at kung-fu, yet has to hide in Shao Lin. You better return to Shao Lin. But l have sneaked our from it! Oh! You are back! l know you will come back. You don't want to leave us, don't you? lt is better to be a monk, isn't it? Well, it took us years to achieve it. You can achieve it in only one day's time. Well done, little other! Master! Master, please punish me. You have not grown up yet. Nothing is that easy. You are lucky to come back alive. Are you hungry? Drink it! Thank you, master. Learn it hard from your senior other in future. He's got no way to go. Catch him! My gracious Saviour! ls you. They've got too many men. Don't fight with them. Here is a cliff. Come with me. Kill him. Let's search! Don't you dare to stop us from catching the prisoner. This is T'a Lin holy land. No admission without permission from our abbot. Bald-head, you are looking for death! Stop it! No fighting! Abbot. Amida Buddha. General. This is a land for burying Shao Lin monks. Even King Cheng will respect this land. Why do you want to fight, General? A prisoner of King Cheng is hiding here. l want to have a search. A little bald-head has helped the prisoner to escape. lf you don't let me search, the king will blame us. Will you dare to take the responsibility? T'a Lin is our holy land. Please dismount from horse and go inside for search. Alright! Come with me. Guard the road and go for the search separately. Master! Chase Yes... Keep guard here! That way Run up to the back of the hill and don't turn back. Don't stop or l will shoot! Run for it!

Who told you to come in? We are helping the General to catch the prisoner. Damn it! The prisoner has run away to the back of the hill. Mount the horses and chase! Yes... Run! l've heard King Li Shih-Min went to visit enemy's place by himself. ls that you? Thank you, Madam. You've not taken food for two days. Eat the food! As you are a monk, can you take meat? With Buddha in your heart, wine and meat are nothing. Monks always have Buddha in their hearts. Take it! Your life as a monk is too simple and poor. Right. Wang Jen-Tse's soldiers have searched everywhere. You better stay here for a few more days. l will send you food. Okay. Thank you, Madam. l've a job to do must cross the river at once. Do you know if there is a shortcut? Well, we can escort you to cross the river. There are many check points. How can you pass them? Put down your hand at once! You're born to be a couple. lt's a pity you're monk. Dont' be shy. What now? Let's go! You've got a lot of romance, Kid! lt's a pity you are a monk. Sir, it's late now. The idegroom and ide must return to their room. Will you please let them go. Damn it! Stop pretending. How can we fool you? Don't play that! l'll buy you a drink. Will you give me a favor? Alright, you may go! Thank you, Sir. Don't be too cautious, other! Let's go and have a drink! ls it hurt? No. Tear if off quickly. Oh! lt's bleeding! What are you laughing for? You really look like a sweet little wife. Thanks for saving my life. l'll repay your kindness. Li Shih-Min, you can't get away. Shoot. Stop it! The general wants him alive. We'll get promotion and fortune this time. Capture him alive! Will you take him cross the river? How about yourself? Hurry. They are running! Shoot! Master! Master! Bald-heads, don't you want to betray us? l guess they don't have guts to do that. Buddhists do not kill. Let's move! Master, what shall we do now? We need to defend ourselves. Buddha will not give mercy to devils. l understand. Chueh Yuan, kill him! Don't you dare to kill? Buddhist and thief won't live together. l'll kill you! Chueh Yuan, kill. Chueh Yuan, kill him! Amida Buddha! My holy Buddha, please forgive us. Chueh Yuan is only taking them to the heaven. Buddha will forgive us. Yes! Chueh Yuan is doing it you goodness sake. Master. l know l have committed sin again. But, they would have killed me if l didn't do it. Yes, he is right. Your mind can never he purified and stay with Buddha. You are leaving Buddha from now on. Master! Go far away from us! Master! Wang Jen-Tse is still waiting in Temple for him. You can't be responsible for letting him go. Let's go back. Why don't you mount the horses? Master, the buddhists are always merciful. l know l'm wrong. Please give me another chance. Go away! Don't come back to Shao Lin Temple! Master! Master... Master! Master! Stop him! Don't let him come into the Temple! Master! Hurry and go. Master! Wang Jen-Tse is waiting to catch you, run quickly! l don't want master and others to be blamed. Please let me in! Master! Master! Tie him up and take him down hill! Master, you have saved my life. And abbot has helped me in reincarnation. l can't cause disaster to Shao Lin because of me. Let me have the suffering. Master! Sorry for not seeing you off. The monk has gone but the temple still remains. lf you don't hand over the monk and Li in three days, l'll destroy Shao Lin Temple. lt's really a big trouble. l've said he would get Shao Lin into trouble. We should have not let him stay. Amida Buddha. Buddhists are all merciful, As Chueh Yuan is my disciple, we must help him. Being a Buddhist for years, how can you say this? You are wrong! l'm sorry. General! General! Have you found Li Shih-Min and the monk? l've found them. Where are they? The Shao Lin monks have helped Li to escape. Chueh Yuan has killed all our soldiers. Traitors! Let's march into Shao Lin Temple! There'll be a disaster in Shao Lin Temple. Master, let's fight with them! Yeah, fight with them... We are trained in kung-fu. We must protect Shao Lin. Master, please let me go out. l'll be responsible for everything. To take the responsibility alone be yourself? How can you fight against Wang's army by yourself? l... You are too eager to take revenge. You better unfrock and join Li Shih-Min. Master, l have not repaid your kindness. l'm a buddhist monk and have nothing to worry. Only my daughter worries me. Fahter! lf you can take care of her in future. l'll have no more to worry. Father! Master! You go with him. No matter what happens to us, protect him and don't come back. You may go! Master... Father! Abbot! lt's no good! Wang Jen-Tse's army has passed the Shao Shih Shan. They'll reach our main entrance very soon. lf we don't worry anything, nothing will worry us. Then we'll have a sound mind. Why are you still so afraid? Buddha bless us! Tell the monks not to start any move. Yes! Let's lay siege to Shao Lin. Bowmen to a ambush in hide-out! Don't let any monk to escape. Kill... Kill... Amida Buddha! Abbot... Why do you want to attack our temple, General? Because Shao Lin monks conspire with Li Shih-Min. There is evidence to prove the treason. l'm ordered to punish the monks and burn the temple. Burn it down! Hold it, General! l have a request. Say it! This is a historical land. lf there's a crime, it should not involve the temple. And the punishment shouldn't extend to the monks. As a temple abbot, l'll take all responsibilities. Alright, l'll kill you first. Light up the fire! Abbot! lf anyone tells me the whereabouts of the traitors, l'll keep your temple in peace and abbot alive. Abbot! Abbot! Amida Buddha. Kill him! Oh, you! lf none of you speaks, l'll kill you all. Abbot! No killing! Abbot, kindness results nothing to evil. Kill the devils and enter Buddha. Let's release their souls and ing them to death. Abbot! Brother Pan K'ung! Master, you start killing now! Let's kill them. They deserve it. Shoot the arrows! General... Shoot the arrows! Master! Master! Father! Shoot the arrows! Let's charge into the temple and burn it down! Master! Father! Li Shih-Min has crossed the river with his army. They are heading for Tung Tu. You must defend Shao Lin and uphold the justice. Master! Father! Let's kill them! General! lt's a bad news. Li Shih-Min and his army have crossed the river heading for Tung Tu. What? Kill them! Kill them! Kill! Chueh Yuan, watch out for the sword! Thou shall not kill. Can you do that? l'll stop killing but not stop to uphold justice. Secondly, thou shall not steal. Can you do that? l've determined to enter Buddha, Thirdly, thou shall not covet, can you do that? l've determined to enter Buddha, to defend Shao Lin and uphold the justice. Thou shall not covet, Can you do that? Yes. Fifthly, thou shall not drink. Can you do that? l suggest this vow should be exempted. Your majesty! Since your majesty has given an order, this vow of drink shall be exempted forever. To show appreciation, King Li of T'ang Dynasty awarded the Shao Lin monks many fortunes. The monks only accepted a gown for each, a tea set, and forty acres of land. The King permitted Shao Lin to form a defence force. Such legend was recorded on a temple stone with the royal signature of King Li Shih-Min. The martial art of Shao Lin began to prevail. The fame of Shao Lin kung-fu was everlasting. Legendas Sincronizadas por KAMUI.

Johnny. Johnny. Johnny. Harry! How are you? Hello? Yes, this is Harold Angel. Yep, middle initial R, just like in the phone book. Excuse me? Winesap. Herman Winesap of Winesap and Mackintosh. Hold on a second. Okay, Winesap... of Winesap and Mackintosh. Okay, I got it. Of course I know what an attorney is. Yeah, it's like a lawyer, only the bills are bigger. Sure, I'll hold. Asshole. Mr. Winesap, yeah, Harold Angel. Well, yeah, I could be free. Well, would this be with your firm? Okay, give me that again. Louis. How do you spell that? Cyphre. Okay. What is it, foreign? A foreigner? Is your client a foreign gentleman? Okay. Well, Mr. Winesap, could you give me a few more details? Okay. No, I know the place. Well, it's a long way up, but I can be there. Hallelujah! Permit me to be transmittable, hallelujah. Permit me to be reincarnatable, hallelujah. Permit me to be reproducible, hallelujah. For His kingdom is yours, today, right now. Hallelujah. Follow me. Follow me through his paths. Hallelujah. I want you to show right now how much you love God. I want you to show as your tithe. I want you to open up your hearts and open up your wallets. And open up your purses. And open up your pockets. And give it up. Praise the Lord. Somebody's been talkin' about me, about I've been riding around in a Cadillac. If you love me, and you wanna give to me... then I should be in a Rolls Royce. Let's hear it, Brother. Let's go. Yes! Hey! Hey! Come on. - Mr. Angel? - Yeah. Herman Winesap. Would you come with me, please? An unfortunate husband... of one of Pastor John's flock took a gun to his head. Most unpleasant. Mr. Angel? Please? Mr. Angel. Allow me to introduce my client, Monsieur Louis Cyphre. Hiya. Harry Angel. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Angel. I don't want to appear rude or impolite, but do you have any I.D., before we begin? Sure. Yeah. Here. Let me see what I got here. How's that? Nothing personal. It's just that I'm a little overcautious. - You know how these things are. - Oh, I know. So, how did you hear about me? I guess you guys just looked in the phone book, huh? Usually that's what happens. Because my name is Angel. It's under A's. People... You know, people are lazy. They flick through. They see the first name in the book. - Johnny Favorite. - Excuse me? Do you by chance remember the name Johnny Favorite? Remember the name Johnny? No, I don't think so. - You never knew him? - Am I supposed to know him? He was a crooner before the war. Quite famous in his way. Well, I'll tell ya, Mr. Cyphre, you know, l... Mr. Cyphre. I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. Mr. Cyphres. I usually don't get involved in anything really heavy. I usually handle small-time stuff: Insurance jobs, divorces, things of that nature. I get lucky, sometimes I handle people. But I don't know no, you know, crooners... or anybody famous, you know? - His real name was Liebling. - I don't... I don't know any Liebling either. So what is it you guys want from me? - Does this man owe you money? - Not quite. I gave Johnny some help at the beginning of his career. So were you, like, his... his agent? No, no, no. Nothing so... Monsieur Cyphre has a contract. Certain collateral was involved, to be forfeited in the event of his death. You're losin' me a little bit. Are we talkin' about a guy who's dead? No, he was drafted in '43. North Africa. Special Entertainment Services. There was an attack. He was badly injured about the head and face. - He had... - Amnesia, I think you call it. - Shell shock? - Shell shock. Yes. - I know how that feels. - Why? Were you in the services? Yes, I was in for a short period of time. But I got a little fucked up real quick. Excuse my language. And they shipped me back home... and I sort of missed the whole shebang. You know, the war, the medals, the whole nine yards. And I guess you could say I was lucky. Well, Johnny wasn't so lucky. He returned home a virtual zombie. Favorite's friends had him transferred to a private hospital upstate. There was some sort of radical psychiatric treatment involved. Favorite's lawyers had the power of attorney to... Pay the bills, things like that. But you know how these things are. He remained a vegetable, and my contract was never honored. I see. I don't want to sound mercenary or anything, but you must understand... that my interest in Johnny is only in finding out if he's alive... or if he's dead. Each year my office receives a signed affidavit confirming... that Johnny Liebling is indeed among the living. Until this last weekend, when quite by chance... Monsieur Cyphre and I were in the vicinity of the hospital just outside Poughkeepsie. We decided to check for ourselves but were given misleading information. - Yeah, the runaround. - Yes. I didn't want to cause a scene. I hate to have any sort of a fuss. So I thought perhaps you could... subtly, in a more quiet manner... - You want me to check it out. - Check it out. Okay. Yeah. It's funny. I have a feeling I've met you before. I don't know. I don't think so. Do you by chance remember the name Johnny Favorite? His real name was Liebling. My interest in Johnny is only in finding out if he's alive or if he's dead. - May I help you? - Yes. My name is Harry Conroy, and I'm with the National Institute of Health. Is there anyone in particular you'd like to see, Mr. Conroy? The Institute is conducting a survey of incurable trauma cases... and I understand you have a patient here fitting that description. I'm afraid we can't let you see anyone without an appointment, sir. Oh, sure. I appreciate that. But maybe, you know... you could check the files and make sure I'm on the right track. I don't want to bother anybody unnecessarily. Okay? Thank you. - What's the name of the patient? - Liebling. Jonathan Liebling. One moment please. I will check. So, was you workin' here last weekend? No. Day off. - Did you do anything nice? - My sister's wedding. We did have a Mr. Liebling... but it says here he was transferred. - Are you sure? - Yeah, that's what it says here. - Well, when was that? - Years ago. December '43. May I take a look at this? Thank you. - Is this recent? - It's an old file. It's in ballpoint. You know, they weren't too big on ballpoint in '43. - Is that ballpoint? - Yeah. Well, I'll be. They didn't have ballpoints back then? No. This here Dr. Fowler... does he still work here? Just part-time. He's old. Thank you. About time for your evening fix? Who are you? How'd you get in here? Through the mail slot. I'm a private detective. Breaking and entering is a serious crime, whoever or whatever you are. Well, hey, man, call the police. Which you won't do in case they discover your little opium den... you got in the icebox there. I'm a doctor. I'm perfectly entitled to keep pharmaceuticals at home. Hey, look, Doc, tell it to somebody else, all right? We're not talkin' about a Band-Aid and two Bongateen. - How long you been hooked? - What do you want of me? Information about Johnny Liebling. I vaguely remember treating a patient of that name many years ago. Hey, look, Doc, I'm not foolin' around here. Either you start giving me some straight answers, or I'll call the police myself. I've seen the works cookin' upstairs, pal, and it ain't Mr. Salk's vaccine. I remember. He was in detainer during the war. Neuro case. No chance of recovery. So we transferred him to a V.A. Hospital in Albany. Hey, Doc, I hate to shake you up, but I checked with Albany. He's not there. You faked the transfer. Well, I did that quickly because he had a visitor recently. In 12 years, he hadn't had a visitor. Popular guy, huh? - Where is he now? - I honestly don't know. Look. Come here. I haven't seen him since he was a patient in the war. Look, Doc, you're in a cold sweat. Look at you. You can't wait for me to leave here so you can raid the goodies in the icebox. Now, the sooner you get out with it... the sooner you can shoot yourself to Palookaville, okay? I'm gonna ask you again. Where is he? I don't know. Some people came one night many years ago. He got in the car with him and drove away. I never saw him again. He got into a car? I thought this guy was a vegetable. When he first came here, he was in a coma, but he soon recovered. But he still suffered from acute amnesia. The friends? Who were the friends? The gentleman's name was Kelly. Edward Kelly. The young lady, I don't know her. - She stayed in the car. - Where were they taking him? I think down south. The man said, We're taking him home. - What was the deal? - $25,000. For what? To maintain the pretense that he was still a patient in the hospital. Well, didn't the administration suspect? But why should they? I kept the charts up to date... and no one asks questions when the bills get paid. I want you to tell me about Johnny Liebling. - What did he look like? - I have no idea what he looked like. His face was damaged. He had extensive facial reconstruction. He was still in bandages the day he left. Tell me about this guy Kelly. - It's so long. I have only a vague memory. - Come on. I can't remember. He was well-dressed. He had a southern accent. - L... - What? - Truly can't remember. - All right, Doc. All right. Hey. We're gonna have a little lie-down, all right? I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna grab a cheeseburger. Maybe a few hours cold turkey will refresh your memory. All right? Come on. Watch yourself there. Okay, Doc. We're gonna take a little nap now. Sit your ass down. I'm gonna clear your mind a little bit. I'm gonna go out. Maybe when I get back... I'll fix you some goodies from the icebox, all right? Listen, you tell me what I want to know, I'll be out of your hair forever. Johnny. Harry. Harry. Harry. Hey, I'm back, Doc. I ought you a little somethin'. I didn't think you'd want a cheeseburger and a shake. - I won't. Bye. - Bye. - Hey, Allie. - Hey, Harry. That your boyfriend? - He got a car and everything? - Yeah. - Yeah? - Yeah. - Ohh. - Bye. See you later. - Did you see him? - No. - Why not? - 'Cause it would have been difficult. - Why? - Why? 'Cause he's not there. Your Johnny Favorite walked out of Sarah Harvest Dodd's 12 years ago... wearin' his best suit and a new face wrapped in bandages. With a headache. He took off with some guy called Kelly and a girl. Do you know this Kelly? Well, it seems that this guy Kelly paid off... some bent doctor called Fowler to pinch-hit for your guy all these years. He's been coverin' up for him ever since. It looks like our Johnny has found himself a perfect disappearing act. It seems so. You know what they say about slugs. No, what do they say about slugs? They always leave slime in their tracks. - You'll find him. - No, I won't find him. 'Cause I left out one little detail. This Dr. Fowler guy ended up dead with his fuckin' ains blown out all over. - Fowler? - Yeah, Fowler. - Did you kill him? - No, I didn't kill him. But the cops might think I did. Hey, look. I took on $125 a day missing persons job with you. Now I'm a murder suspect. That's it. I'm out. Such are the hazards of your profession, Mr. Angel. If the fee bothers you, we can have it adjusted. No, Cyphre, you bother me. Listen, the closest I ever come... to death is standin' on the corner on 2nd Avenue watching the stiffs go by... in the hearse, all right, that's the way I like it. Are you afraid? Yeah, I'm afraid. I'll instruct my lawyer immediately to send you a check for $5,000. If you don't want the job, I'll engage someone else. - $5,000? - $5,000. You must want this Johnny pretty bad. I don't like messy accounts. You know, some religions think that the egg is the symbol of the soul. - Did you know that? - No, I didn't know that. Would you like an egg? No, thank you. I got a thing about chickens. I've got a higher plane I've got a higher plane Oh, yeah - A higher plane - Oh, yeah I don't know why I've found it - I've got a higher plane - Oh, l... Gavilan weighs 146 pounds tonight, just a pound... under the welterweight limit. Turner weighs 1441/2. It's a $270,000 gate, an all-time record for the welterweight title. It's after 11:00, Harry. You're late. I'm sorry. Did you get it? If I lose my job, I'll come and be your secretary. Hey, I couldn't pay you what the Times pays. Besides, they're not gonna miss it. They must be digging up stuff like this all the time. Hiya, Johnny. Where the fuck are you? Johnny Favorite was a crooner, like you said. I didn't realize he was so big. He used to be in a band called the Spider Simpson orchestra. - All dead. Only Spider's here in town. - Oh, yeah? Where is he? I wrote it all down. The dyke in Archiving's li ary is getting suspicious. My boss hasn't researched a story in years. You can get the files. Spider's in an old people's home on 138th Street. Oh, wonderful. I get to go to Harlem again. There was a picture of Johnny with a guy called Toots Sweet. - A guitar player. - And? No one's heard of him for years. Now here's the juicy bit. He was engaged to a rich oad, name of Margaret Krusemark. Dad Ethan owns half of Louisiana. Met Johnny at a high school prom in New Orleans. Johnny shit on her, and she went back home to Daddy. - Oh, yeah, there's lots under spells. - Spells? What do you mean, spells? You mean like eye of a newt and toe of a frog, that kind of shit? Seems she's a bit of a crackpot. Casting spells at society do's and stuff. Didn't go down too well with the Ivy League stiffos. Oh, yeah, she was known as the Witch of Wellesley. The Witch of Wellesley. - Did I do good? - Yeah, you did great. So, what do I got? I got some kind of religious loony for a client. I gotta find Johnny Golden Tonsils. We don't know where he is. He probably doesn't know who he is. I got a geriatric bandleader at a home in Harlem. I got a guitar player called Toots Sweet. - What else I got? - A hard-on. Are you okay? January 3, 1955. : Winesap and Mackintosh, attorneys. As reported, Johnny Favorite has not been... in the Sarah Dodd Nursing Home of Poughkeepsie for the last 12 years. He was taken away by a man called Edward Kelly and a girl. The girl is unidentified. Kelly paid a Dr. Fowler $25,000 to falsify reports... stating Favorite was still at the hospital. The doctor is now deceased. Before Johnny's accident, it seemed his career was goin' great... till he started to dump on everyone around him. I tracked down Spider Simpson, Johnny's old bandleader. Spider now resides at the Lincoln Presbyterian Hospice... for the Elderly, on 138th Street. Johnny also had a close buddy, a guitar player called Toots Sweet. Toots went back to Algiers. That ain't Algiers in Africa. That's Algiers in New Orleans. I think maybe Margaret went back there too, and maybe Johnny. Oh, yeah. According to Spider, Johnny had a secret love. A black lady called Evangeline Proudfoot. Evangeline ran some kind of spooky store in Harlem... called Mammy Carter's. You don't need to know that, Cyphre. I think secret loves should stay secret. And the only other person Johnny was seeing regularly... was a palm reader out in Coney Island called Madame Zora. Hey, you Izzy? Yeah. - It looks like the last of the sun, huh? - Yep. Hey, listen. The guy in the arcade over there told me you might be able to help. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. I'm lookin' for a Madame Zora. Yeah, sure, I know her. A friend of the wife before the war. - It's the fortune teller, right? - Yeah, and then some. Real creepy. I hate those hocus-pocus bitches. Fuckin' witch. Her and the wife got along real well. The wife's a Baptist. Oh, here. Have a nose shield. Go on. Take one. I found a whole boxful under the boardwalk. There's not much sun in the city right now. Yeah, but it keeps the rain off too. Hey, listen. You ever hear of a Johnny Favorite? - The singer? - The crooner. Used to visit Madame Zora all the time? I heard of him, but I don't know nothin' about him. Ask the wife. She'll know. She's always singin' stupid tunes off the radio. She knows all that kind of shit. - She likes the water, huh? - Nope. Hates it. She's gettin' on the heavy side. She thinks it's good for varicose veins. All right. Thanks. Listen. What do you do around here in the summertime? - I bite the heads off of rats. - What do you do in the winter? Same. Excuse me! I was just talkin' to your husband over there! I was inquiring about a Madame Zora! Yeah, I knew her before the war. Madame Zora, you say? Yeah, she was some kind of gypsy fortune-teller. Yeah, she used to have the booth across the boardwalk from me. She weren't no gypsy. She was a debutante. She was messin' with more than readin' tea leaves. Did you ever see her with a guy called Johnny Favorite? Yeah, he was cute. Used to visit her all the time. She was real stuck on him. The guy with the golden tonsils, they used to call him. I knew all his tunes. Hey, did you ever hear of a... of a Margaret Krusemark? Don't be a gazoony, fella. Madame Zora was Margaret Krusemark. Well, what happened to her? Packed up her stuff one day and closed up for good. Went back home. Down south. Do you have any idea where I could find Johnny Favorite? Nope. Maybe the cemetery. Wanna hear one of his tunes? I cried for you Now it's your turn to cry over... Hey, thanks for the nose shield. - Okay. - I'm gonna need it where I'm goin'. - In Brooklyn? - Nah. Louisiana. Nice. Where'd he go? Mr. Angel. Sorry to keep you waitin'. You're a little early. Well, I had a bad line. I didn't know if it was 4:00 or 4:30. Wow, this is really a wild place you got here. Yes, I've been very happy here. Hey, you know, I never had my fortune read before. - Does this take long? - I'll just take the details now. It usually takes me a couple of days to do a chart. Tea? - Do you want some tea? - Oh, yes. Thank you. Darjeeling, jasmine or oolong? - Oolong. - Not many people like oolong. You play the piano? No, not exactly. Sing? Well, I can carry a tune, but not really. So, who's this mean-looking guy? It's my father. Oh. I'm sorry. Don't worry. He hates it too. You know, he really looks like one of those guys in an old pirate movie. What's his name? - Ethan. - Ethan. Ethan Krusemark. Well, I'll tell ya, you know, I never saw any of Ethan's movies. Do you speak French, Mr. Angel? - I'm from Brooklyn. - I'd prefer it if you didn't smoke. Oh, that's okay. - Cream or sugar? - No. Straight up is fine, thank you. Now. I'm gonna need your exact date of birth. Sure. Okay, I was... born Fe uary 14. 1918. That's Valentine's Day. How curious. I used to know a boy who was born on that exact same date. Oh? Really? Well, you know how it is. All the soldiers home on leave and all. Hey, maybe we could pull your friend's chart and save ourselves some time. I don't think so, Mr. Angel. Every person's very different. I don't think you'd like his chart. - Place of birth? - Brooklyn, New York. Why, was he a jerk or something, your friend? Yeah, you could say that. So, I guess you just didn't get along. You and Johnny. You and Johnny Favorite? Who are you? I was an old army buddy. I thought that you two were kind of a... You know. All right. Look. I ain't no army buddy. I'm just a guy who was paid to snoop around. But to tell you the truth, I wasn't born on Valentine's Day. It's Johnny's future that I'm interested in. Johnny has no future. He's dead. He died 12 years ago, and Mr. Angel, I'd like you to leave. Look, I know you're probably thinking who's this creep lookin' to snitch around. I don't want to sound nosy or nothin', but... He's dead, Mr. Angel. And if he isn't, he is to me. Wow. He must've hurt you pretty bad. We all have our scars, Mr. Angel. Well, look. You know, I don't know too much about this guy... but he must've been really stupid if he let you go. Lies and cruelty come very easy to some people. Good-bye, Mr. Angel. It's a pity. You know, I really would've liked to have gotten my palm read. Could've held your hand a little while longer. I don't think you'd like what I see. That's a very pretty necklace you got there. - Hi. - Hi. You got any Hygeia the Conqueror root? - Powdered or hanging? - I don't know. I'm not really sure. - Caught in the rain, huh? - Yeah. Two roots. $1.20. Listen, I have a question I wanna ask you. I have an acquaintance back in Harlem... who used to deal in Hygeia the Conqueror root. And her name was Evangeline. Did you ever hear of her? Practically everyone around here is called Evangeline, mister. After the poem. You know the poem? Yeah, I know the poem. This... This acquaintance of mine had a store in Harlem. It was the same name. Carter. Everybody uses the name, mister. Like Howard Johnson? This is the real place. Her name was Proudfoot, Evangeline Proudfoot. Yeah, I knew her. She used to come back here all the time when she was livin' in New York. Well, do you know where she is now? She got sick. Died. Went back to Holy Shelter Swamp. They buried her in Almondville. She was waitin' on some fella. - Just like in the poem, huh? - Just like the poem. $1.20. Well, who was the guy? She never told. Okay, thanks. - A week, you say? - Yeah, at most. What you crying for? What? What? What you crying for? Let's go see Grandma. Who's over there? It's Grandma. Grandma. Let's go. Give me your hand. Soap. Excuse me? - Miss Proudfoot? - Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I got these from some guy... and it's funny how some babies react to 'em. - I'm sorry. - Stop crying. Listen, I was hoping maybe I could talk with your mama. Yeah? You're a little late for that. Did you know her? No, I've never met her, but I was hoping... maybe she could answer a few questions for me. - What are you? Some kind of cop? - No. My name's Harry Angel. How are you? I'm a private detective. - So what's... - Epiphany. - Epiphany? - Yeah. Your mama left you with a very beautiful name, Epiphany. - Not much else. - Oh. Well, actually, to be quite frank, I'm looking for a friend... of your mama's, a guy called Johnny Favorite. Yeah? I met all of mama's friends. I never met anyone called Favorite. Jesus. Oh, shit! I got a thing about chickens. Yeah. This guy Favorite. He was friends with your mama, back in New York City, before the war. Yeah? She never told me. My mama had a lot of guys. She liked men. How 'bout a guy named Toots Sweet? He was a friend of Favorite's. Did you ever meet him? He was supposed to be a pretty good guitar player. I was gonna go try to catch his act tonight. Well, listen, I'm gonna be stayin' here in town, in a hotel. And I figured if maybe, if you could remember anything that might help me... maybe you could give me a call. You're a very pretty girl, Epiphany. Your name suits you. Chickens. Hey, what are you after him for? Johnny Favorite? I'm not really after him. I'm just being paid to find out where he is. He could be six feet under. Then I'll have to buy a shovel. And I had one small cup of tea You just walked out of my life Left them low-down dirty blues with me It was on Oh, Lord, it was on On a rainy day One time for Toots It was on - Oh, Lord it was on - How's it hangin', sugar? On a rainy day Go ahead. Hey, that was some beautiful tune you were singing in there, Mr. Sweet. - Toots, son. Thank you. - Yeah, listen. Can I buy you a drink? No, I get mine on the house. Two Sisters cocktails. Don't know what's in 'em, but I get a bigger kick than I do six stingers. Listen. You know that I heard you play years ago in New York? Yeah, it was before the war at the old Dicky Wells bar. - Yeah. - Yeah. You was hammin' it up pretty good with some cat called Johnny Favorite. Yeah, I vaguely remember playin' with that guy once. Yeah, you and him was buddies, weren't you? No. He made a record of one of my songs, but that don't make us buddies. Say, are you a dick or book writer? I'm neither. What I am, I'm a journalist. You see, what I'm doing is, I'm doing this piece. The piece is on Johnny and the old Spider Simpson Orchestra. I remember Spider. He used to play them drums like two jack rabbits fuckin'. Got to go, son. Ain't got much time. A piss and a spit and back to work. Try one of them Two Sisters cocktails... and then you can make the whole thing up, any way you want to. That's what you newspaper people do anyway, don't you? He starts his lovin' when you get through Can't even take a piss. Hey, look, pal. I just wanted to have a little talk... with you about Johnny Favorite and Evangeline Proud... I'm too big to go hidin' under beds. I don't know nothin'. Two Sisters cocktails are the only thing I'm interested in nowadays. Fuck! - What's going on, Toots? - Nothing. Mind your own business. I wanna piss. If you don't get the hell out of here, I may clean you out on the sidewalk. You gonna wish your little white ass never was born. Please. I got a thing about chickens. So take a tip, honey And just leave my door Because your key don't fit in my lock no more You got the right key You're knockin' on the wrong door Zu Zu Mamou With your pigtail on Say somebody crossed you Now your mind is gone If it hurts you too bad Call for help Don't be ashamed to call a doctor when there ain't nobody left to tell ya now Zu Zu Mamou All right, now. Hey. This is the end of bullshit time, pal, okay? I got a good look at you and Epiphany... doin' your hot-shoe number with the chicken. And listen. I ain't up on all this voodoo shit. I'm from Brooklyn. We ain't all Baptists down here, sonny. What's the story with this Proudfoot girl? She's a mambo priestess, like her mom. Has been since she was 13. When's the last time you saw Johnny Favorite at one of those chicken stuffings? He used to run around with Mom Mambo, didn't he? I told you, I ain't seen him since before the war. What about the chicken foot in the john, huh? - Means I got a big mouth. - Not big enough, Toots. What's this fuckin' star you wear in your mouth? I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give you my hotel number, and you give me a call... in case you hear anything. You never know, the next time you get... a special delivery chicken foot, you may need a little help. I'll tell you, as far as I'm concerned... any dead chicken's a good chicken to me. Hey, only cops and bad news don't knock. Only private dicks sleep so late. That's quite a dream you were having. I was on my way to Mandalay again. Shit. That's some leak you got up there. Here. This your name? - Yeah. - That your hotel? - You're standin' in it, ain't you? - Your handwritin'? I think so. Then perhaps you'd like to tell us why... we found that in the hand of a dead guitar player? - Toots Sweet is dead? - Yeah. Toots Sweet. Only this one weren't so quick. This one took time. How did he die? Technically, asphyxiation by his own genitalia. But not so technically. Somebody cut his dick off, stuffed it in his mouth and choked him to death. Took to redecoratin' his apartment with the poor jerk's blood. So, when'd you see him, Angel? - I interviewed him yesterday around 1:00. - In connection with what? Missing person. Who? Some cat took a walk 12 years ago. I saw Toots in an old photograph with him. What's the name of this party you're lookin' for? Sorry, friend. Can't say. That's right of privacy. - I'm workin' for a New York lawyer. - Name? Ah, come on, man. Winesap. You want his number, you want his address? Ask Tess Trueheart over there. It's in the book he's flickin' through. It's under W, genius. You know Ted Williams, the baseball player? Yeah. Herman Winesap. All right, is that it, guys? That's it. You and your right to privacy can go eat lunch. But don't stroll too far, Angel. Not till we talk to this lawyer of yours. You ever watch the Mickey Mouse Club? 'Cause you know what today... today is? Today is Wednesday. It's anything can happen day. Hey, man, you want a tune? Yeah, I got a tune for you. Hiya, boys. Ah, same to you. Hey, I'm gettin' kind of hungry. You wanna sell some of those things? Hey, Pop. - Ten cents a sack. - Sure, man, give me a sack. Ah, shit! Get... You listen good, mister. Margaret Krusemark's old man wants you on that train home. Get that fuckin' thing away from me! If you don't, my dog here's gonna bite your fuckin' face clean off. What happened to you? A dog bit me. Yeah, so? What do you want? Well, right now, l... I need a laundry. - Listen, Epithany. - Epiphany. Epiphany. I got something on my mind I wanna ask you. Yeah. The other night I saw you and Toots Sweet... boogyin' with the cock-a-doodle-doo out in the woods. Looked like you all were havin' some party. Yeah, so what's your problem? It's a free country. Not for chickens it ain't. Oh, yeah, you got a thing about chickens. I remember. Listen, Epiphany, Toots is... Toots is dead. I know. I heard. - And you set him up. - No, I didn't. You were the only one that knew I was seein' Toots. Yeah. You're the one that sent the gift-wrapped chicken for two, aren't you? Yeah, well, Toots had a big mouth. I guess he did, judgin' by what the cops found in it. Quite a cute religion you got. Well, nailing a man to a cross ain't so cute, either. Yeah, I know. You got to kill a chicken to make the soup. We don't go around murdering people, all right? What about Johnny Favorite? Oh. So now you remember him after all, huh? Yeah, he was my father. Mince? Mince, I'm gonna pick the baby up later, okay? He's gonna be all right. Hey, look, if you got anything you're holding out, now's a good time to tell. Nothing to tell. Johnny never came back from the war. Mama waited. Mama died. It's sad and simple. Epiphany, there's too many dead bodies floatin' around... even for Louisiana. I'd tell your old man to look out for you. - You do have a husband. - No. No husband. Jesus, you got beautiful eyes, Epiphany. You really do. They're truly beautiful. They're the kind of eyes you can tell just what's goin' on inside. - Right now you're scared. - I manage. - Hey, well, listen... - Yeah. I'll call you if I hear anything. Hey. Call me if you don't. All right? I have a message for you. - Thank you. - You're welcome. I'm so glad you could come. Yeah. I didn't know you were comin' to town. I have a speaking engagement in Baton Rouge... and I thought it would be opportune to catch up on your progress. I'm tellin' ya... Progress ain't too good. I found out a lot of stuff. But so far, no Johnny Favorite. How unfortunate. All I got is a bellyful of hocus-pocus... and three stiffs. - Stiffs? - Yeah. Dead bodies, Mr. Cyphre. Murders. - Murders. - Yeah. I got Fowler... Johnny's doctor bumped himself off. I got this old voodoo guy, Toots Sweet. He got choked to death with a part of the body meant for pissing with. This is a church, Mr. Angel. Well, I'll tell you something. I know it's a church... but there's a lot of religion going around with this thing. It's very weird, and I don't understand it. It's ugly. They say there's just enough religion in the world... to make men hate one another, but not enough to make them love. Oh, is that what they say? Well, I'll tell you something, Mr. Cyphre, there... wasn't too much love around for Johnny Favorite. All right, that guy was bad luck and it's starting to rub off on me. I'm a murder suspect already in two cases. The police found my name and my address in Toots Sweet's hand. I know. Winesap told me. You must be careful, Mr. Angel. And a third? You said there were three murders. I checked out Johnny's little society girlfriend... Margaret Krusemark. - Do you know her? - Vaguely. Vaguely? Let me tell you, I'm a little fed up with fuckin' vaguely. Vaguely is puttin' a noose around my neck and I'm startin' to choke. So, Mr. Cyphre, did you know her or not? I knew about her, but I never actually knew her. All right. Well, I'll tell you what. She was doin' my chart. I gave her Johnny's birth date... Fe uary 14... Except someone got to her and took out their own Valentine's card. They split her open and they cut out her heart. I guess she couldn't predict the future for herself. The future isn't what it used to be, Mr. Angel. - And your conclusions? - I haven't any. All I know is Johnny's runnin' around bumpin' off everyone he used to know. And more and more it's me who's on the line for it. I'm bein' set up, and it's scarin' the shit out of me, all right? So why don't you just tell me and level with me what the fuck is goin' on here? Just Johnny Favorite and the debt that's owed to me, Mr. Angel. I have old-fashioned ideas about honor. You know, an eye for an eye, things like that. Who the fuck are you, Cyphre? Watch your language. Hey, I don't give a fuck if this is a church, okay? Churches give me the creeps. I don't like churches. - Are you an atheist? - Yes, I am. I'm from Brooklyn. I'll be in town for a day or two. Let me know what else you find, and if you need money... No, no, the money's fine. But if I ain't careful, that 5,000 bucks you gave me... could just buy me a seat on the electric chair. Hi. Frightened eyes never lie. Come on. Come on inside. - Where's your child? - He's with Mincy. She's inging him over later. She's got 14 of her own, so he'll be okay there. Look, Epiphany, you're very welcome to stay here or I'll get you a room. No, I'm okay. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna have a drink. You want a drink? You're gonna have one anyway. - I've been thinkin', Epiphany. - Yeah? I was wondering what the hell your mama ever saw in a guy like Johnny Favorite? I don't know. Whatever he had, he sure stole her heart away. To tell you the truth, the guy was a creep. Well, she sure missed him. I mean, I'll tell ya. What does a lady see in a guy that runs around choppin' up pigeons, you know? You know what they say. It's always the badass that makes a girl's heart beat faster. Did she ever say anything about him? - Johnny? - Yeah. - Just two things. - Yeah, like what? She once said that Johnny Favorite was as close to true evil... as she ever wanted to come. - What else did she say? - He was a terrific lover. How old are you, Epiphany? - Seventeen. - Seventeen. That's kind of young to have a kid, isn't it? It's old enough. - So, where'd the father go? - I never knew him. I'm sorry. To tell you the truth. I don't know why I took this room. It was at Bamboucher. When the spirits possess you, it's called chevalier. Oh, yes, I'm familiar with that... Chevrolet. - Chevalier. - That's what I said: Chevrolet. Mounted by the gods. - Oh, so the gods got you pregnant? - Yeah. I understand that. Sorry. I'm not. It was the best fuck I ever had. Want to dance? In here? Yeah, here. I got bit by a dog this mornin'. I can't move around. Well, you won't feel a thing. - Well, I'll dance with you. - Yeah? - Yeah. But you gotta promise. - What's that? No chickens. - Okay. - Come on. Jump on. And I really Had my fun With all the boyfriends The good time men friends I've still had to walk this road All by myself I was that playgirl A careless gay girl But I put Them all on the shelf I found my true love With you forever And my life Has just begun 'Cause now you've set My soul On fire And I really Had my fun Good-bye to playboys Those hey-hey-hey boys Good-bye to everyone But you, my love Well, no more heartaches No more heart eaks I'll swear by all The stars above Well, all my soul My love, my heart I miss you, darling But I'm coming up 'Cause now you've set My soul On fire All right, I'm comin'. I should've recognized the knock. Well, at least you got reason for sleepin' late this time. Down here, Angel, we don't mix with the jigaboos. The colored folks keep to themselves. Well, hey, I ain't from down here. - You cut yourself? - A dog bit me. Somebody named Margaret Krusemark figure in this missing persons case? - No. Why? - She's dead. That nigger guitar player of yours, he don't matter a shit. He was into voodoo. They 86'd one or two a week. This Krusemark dame, she comes from a Louisiana money family... white money. So two people get bumped off in the same week. What's the connection? - Similar circumstances. - Like what? Did she get her dick cut off too? No. Some fucker cut her heart out, neat as a butcher on Decatur Street. Look, mine's a missing persons. It's not a murder, okay? Why you telling me this? I want to know the name of the party you're lookin' for. I already told you. Call New York. Talk to the lawyer. I did. That fancy mouthpiece, he gave me the same big-city shit as you. What do you want me to say? Hey, you and Effie Klinker over there... why don't you just fuck off and leave me alone? This ain't jigaboo town, ass wipe! You play jump rope with Louisiana law... and I'm gonna stuff your big-city smarts right up your New York ass! This Krusemark oad, she was into stargazing, black magic, all kinds of shit. There ain't nothin' worse for a cop than people who get killed for nutso reasons. Sorry if I made a mess. Maybe you can get your nigger to clean it up. Girl of my dreams I love you Honest I do You are so sweet If I could just hold your charms Again in my arms Life... What's that tune you're singin'? You don't know it? It's one by Johnny Favorite. My mom used to sing it to me all the time. - You okay? - Yeah. If I could just Hold your charms Again in my arms Life would be complete Shit! Thanks. What do you want, Mr. Angel? I guess you already knew that. Why should I? A couple of your morons with a matching poodle... have been chasing my balls around for days. I'm looking for Johnny Favorite. As far as I know, that dance band scumbag is dead. That dance band scumbag may be the one that killed your daughter. Who's employing you? I can't say. I'll pay. So do they. Twelve years ago you and your daughter snatched Favorite... out of some nuthatch up in Poughkeepsie. You paid a junkie doctor 25 grand to pretend Johnny was still a turniphead. You did a pretty good job until a week ago. You used the name Edward Kelly. Let's walk over here. It's a little private, and you can sample our gumbo. That's all right. I got a nasty stomach. Besides, Cajun cooking kills me. It's a pity about your stomach. You'd have enjoyed our gumbo. I was Edward Kelly. It was me who paid Fowler the 25 G's. - Did Favorite know you? - No. He acted like a sleepwalker. He just stared out the window and watched the lights go by. Where were you takin' him? Times Square. It was New Year's Eve, 1943. I just dropped him off... in the crowd and he walked out of our lives forever, or so we thought. You're tellin' me that you paid 25 grand for a guy and you lost him in a crowd? I did it for my daughter. It was some sort of hocus-pocus she and Johnny were foolin' around with. - My daughter was obsessed. - I know. I found a mummified hand in her room. The hand of glory. It was supposed to be able to open any lock. It was the right hand of a convicted murderer... cut off while his neck was still in the noose. Or so Margaret believed. - Black magic. - Black, white, what difference does it make? - Margaret was always... - Evil. Evil is a dunghill, Mr. Angel. Everyone gets on his own and speaks out about someone else's. Margaret wasn't evil. She was a strange kid, though. She was into tarot cards before she could read. Who got her started? Some maid, governess... who knows? Some maid, some governess... Everything you tell me is a crock of shit! You're the one that got her started! You're the fuckin' devil worshipper! The prince of darkness protects the powerful. - That's a crock of shit! - I can't help it if you don't believe. You come straight with me, you slimebag, or I'll save this state an execution. I introduced Johnny Favorite to my daughter. He was very powerful. I once watched him conjure up Lucifuge in my living room. He was in it much deeper than me. He made a pact with Satan. He sold his soul. You expect me to swallow that? Swallow it. Spit it out. I don't give a damn. That's a crock of shit, you lying, old, fucking motherfucker! - He sold his soul for stardom. - For stardom? Are you... - That's a crock of shit! - Satan rose from the depth. It was magnificent, except he thought he could outwit the prince of darkness. Johnny sold his soul. Then when he made it big, he tried to duck out of it. That's a crock of shit! Johnny came across an obscure rite in an ancient manuscript. - He needed a victim his own age. - Why? To steal their soul. So Toots and Johnny picked up a young soldier. Who? Just a soldier cele ating New Year's eve in Times Square. - Who was this soldier? - They took him back to Johnny's hotel. - That's where the ceremony took place. - What ceremony? The boy was bound naked on a rubber mat. There were complicated incantations and stuff in Latin and Greek. A pentacle was anded on his chest. Margaret handed Johnny a virgin dagger and he sliced the boy clean open. And he ate his heart. He cut it out so quickly the heart was still beating when he wolfed it down. Johnny's plan was to drop out and resurface as the soldier. But before he could work things out, he was drafted. Then Johnny was injured, sent home without even knowing who he was. Who was that boy? Only Johnny knew. He sealed the dog tags in a vase and gave it to Margaret. It was Margaret's plan to drop him off in Times Square. That would be the last place that he'd remember before it happened. He needed a victim... someone his own age... to steal their soul. And he sliced the boy clean open and he ate his heart. Who was the boy? Johnny's plan was to drop out and resurface as the soldier. Or maybe he gained possession of the guy's soul. He still looked like Johnny to me. Oh, shit! No! I know who I am! I know who I am! Alas. How terrible is wisdom when it ings no profit to the wise, Johnny. Louis Cyphre. Lucifer. Even your name is a dime-store joke. Mephistopheles is such a mouthful in Manhattan, Johnny. You think posing as the devil... just 'cause it scared some superstitious old guitar player... and that witch and that nutty old man... You think it's gonna scare me? It ain't, 'cause I know who I am. And you killed them, and you're tryin' to pin it on me. And I know who I am. If I had cloven hoofs and a pointed tail, would you be more convinced? You're crazy. I know who I am. You're trying to frame me. You're trying to frame me. Cyphre, I know who I am. You murdered them people. I never killed nobody. I didn't kill Fowler... and... and I didn't kill Toots... and I didn't kill Margaret and I didn't kill Krusemark. I didn't kill no one. - I'm afraid you did, Johnny. - My name's not Johnny. All killed by your own hand. Guided by me, naturally. Frankly, you were doomed from the moment you slit that young boy in half. And Johnny... for 12 years you've been living on borrowed time in another man's memories. Hey, I'm gonna tell Winesap, 'cause he knows. Winesap? Well, he's dead. Nasty accident. Don't worry. No one will mourn one less lawyer in the world. There's death everywhere these days, Johnny. But what gives human life its worth anyway? Because someone loves it or hates it? The flesh is weak, Johnny. Only the soul is immortal. And yours belongs to me. I know who I am. That's it, Johnny. Take a good look. However cleverly you sneak up on a mirror... your reflection always looks you straight in the eye. I know who I am! - Well... - Girl of my dreams I love you Honest, I do You are so sweet If I could just hold your charms - I know who I am! - Again in my arms Then life would be Complete Since you've been gone, dear Life don't seem the same Please come back With me And after all's said and done There's only one Girl of my dreams That's you Why'd you come back? I live here. Who is she? She ain't Angel, Harold. She's my daughter. Bullshit. Who is she? She's Epiphany Proudfoot. She stayed here for a little while. Long enough for you to kill her, right? Unless that ain't your gun up her snatch. You're gonna burn for this, Angel. I know. In hell. Subtitled By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles Harry. Johnny.

A production of TOHO-HINOTORI Around the year 180 after Christ Frontier Now I see. The rumors were true. You are Yumidiko from Matsuro. I am Sukune. Yamatai's queen Himiko sent me - to look for you. - And who is the other one? He is prince Susano-O, other of the queen. He has the strength of a wolf and the cunning of a fox. You killed the wild boar. - Can you kill the eagle? - He signed a pact with your king. You must capture the phoenix for the queen. The blood of this eagle would give her eternal life and after that she would leave Matsuro in peace. This agreement doesn't mean anything to me. Why did you abandon? Why, Matsuro? It's burning, help me! That blaze should be the phoenix. The phoenix? Look! I hit him! During the centuries, men talked about this eagle. He is immortal and no arrow can hurt him. After a long period of life, he consumes in flames and then he's reborn from ashes. Whoever drinks his blood, receives eternal life. He is known as ''feng'' in China and ''phoenix'' in Europe and also appears in Indian-American legends. He has always been an object of wishing. THE PHOENIX Executive producers Kunihiko Murai and Kiichi Ichikawa. Based on the story by Osamu Tezuka. Screenplay by Shuntaro Tanigawa. Photography by Kiyoshi Hasegawa. Special effects by Teruyoshi Nakano. Tomisaburo Wakayama, Masao Kusakari, Ken Tanaka, Reiko Ohara, Kaoru Yumi, Toru Emori, Ryuzo Hayashi, Mieko Takamine, Tatsuya Nakadai. Directed by Kon Ichikawa. In an unwanting way, Yumihiko has decided to go to Yamatai. Maybe it's because you refused his proposition. Is it true? STATE OF MATSURO There's no reason for us to still fear Yamatai. Dance, Uzume. Anyway, there is no longer any danger from Yamatai. Dance, Uzume!, to cele ate it. What's going on? - A nocturne attack! - An attack? Has Yamatai oken the pact so soon? They are monsters, with two heads and four feet! THE PEOPLE OF MATSURO HAD NEVER SEEN A HORSE. What the fuck!!!! Who are you? I am a ballerina. Come on. STATE OF YAMATAI The man on the right has said the truth. The one on the left is a liar. No! I did not lie!!! Execute him! Please, no!! Cele ate a new judgement! ''A new judgment'', eh? If you do it, you will loose your authority. The people will no longer believe your foretellings. I know these men very well. You have accused the innocent man. Iyo, you have failed with your predictions. Iyo is a disciple of mine. If you doubt her, you doubt me. You can leave now , Iyo. She has not learned enough. The errors... they're inevitable, but you shouldn't blame her. Yamatai can not depend on your predictions. Otherwise, our power will decrease. That's not for sure. The power... of Yamatai is... depending on my youth and on my beauty. Oh, you? You want to take my place as governor, don't you? Your face betrays you. The queen is in anger once again. The ave Susano-O obeys to his sister. He doesn't know how to treat her. Women are his weakness. He is old enough to get married. Himiko will not allow him. That's ridiculous! This way, he will die unmarried. He will not have another youth. Where's the phoenix? If you drink his blood, you will receive eternal life. I heard about it a long time ago. The emperor of China himself seeks to obtain this eternal life. Should he succeed, We would have to bow down to him. What would happen if something like that ensues? I have seen the phoenix, he looked like the sun. Why didn't you shoot him? It's not so easy to capture him. He knows the tongues of men and speaks words of wisdom. But when he gets angry, he will kill you. It was wonderful. But don't worry. I have found out where he lives. I am ready to capture him. Just leave him to me, my dear sister. STATE OF KUMASO Nagi, where's Uraji? He went hunting for the phoenix! The earth is shaking. Will the volcano erupt? Seven days have passed. What retains him? If he doesn't capture the bird, - my daughter will die. - No! Sister, please don't die. Will he be able to kill the phoenix? He's a mysterious bird with a great power. He is a good hunter! He caught this one! And also killed this fox! If someone were able to capture him, why has he waited this long? There's no need for you to wait for the phoenix. I will cure her with my dances and my prayers. Uraji! Uraji! I have found the phoenix! Just like our chief said, he upsurges in the middle of an eruption. My wife will heal up. He is alive! The arrows can't kill him. I will trap him with my hands! Eagle phoenix! Chief! - What tribe? - He's a wanderer. - His clothing is very different from ours. - Look at him! - Wait! - Kill him! My boat has sunken and the tides have led me here. Kill him! Wait! I am Guzuri. I'm a doctor. Please don't kill me. ''Doctor''? - What is a ''doctor''? - My job is.. - to cure sickness without prayers. - That's incredible. Look at her. She is my daughter. Can you cure her? - Don't touch her! - Nagi! It's the sickness of rotting. One day, walking barefoot in the fields, she was cut by a herb and fell ill. She will die in seven days. If you cure her, I'll let you live. Otherwise, you will die. Okay, I'll try. Witchdoctor. What type of medicine do you use? - What's that? - As you can see, it's the head of a cat and that of a raven. You must rub them whilst praying. You must place scrappings on the patient's head. And then you must burn her buttock. Her buttock? Yes, her buttock. Furthermore... there's other remedies. She has to swallow some tadpoles. No! Impossible! You're accelerating her death! Are you her other? If you want to save her, you must ing mould. - Mould? - Mould? Yes, mould. It's better if it's bluish mould. BLUISH MOULD CONTAINS PENICILLIN. Uraji has returned! Uraji has come back! He has returned with the eagle! Then we don't need the mould any more? Uraji is dead! My husband has died! I wish to die, too! Calm down! Uraji! Where's the mould? Bring it! This is just superstition, the mould won't work. If superstition prevails, you don't need the witchdoctor. Silence! She is awake. She has gotten better. Hinaku! It's me! can you see me? Sister! How good! The color of her lips means she is recovering. This man, Guzuri, has saved your life. You lost a man, but you have found another. It's the gods who have wanted this marriage. From this day forward, you will be husband and wife. Me to you... I don't know if I can make you happy, But one day I will get you the bird phoenix and I'll grant you eternal life. Uraji lost his life for that bird. I hate him. And he also scares me. He captures the hearts of the men. Whatever happens, anyway, I'll protect you like your husband till death. Ships of war! They're aliens. How many ships! Disembark! Next ship! A lot of time has gone by, Guzuri. Greatly done! Susano-O is happy. I will take care of the rest. Saruta, promise me that you won't attack the house with the white oadcloth. My woman is in there. Don't kill her. Get ready! Sarutahiko! What's going on? Sister! Guzuri! - He's a spy! - What? Sister! They're orders from queen Himiko! Kill them all! The women and the children, too! It's a nightly attack by sea! Damn her! Damn Guzuri! The hell with him! Hinaku! Were are you? I am the leader of the Kumaso tribe! Who is your leader? I am! I am Saruta. Get back. Take this! Die! Are you Saruta? You are very strong. Where do you come from? Who is your teacher? The queen Himiko of Yamatai. The queen Himiko? Himiko... I have heard of her. She is a sorcerer queen of a country in the south... They say that if a state has a sorcerer queen, it will perish with the moon. Finish him! Hinaku! Hinaku! This is why you cured me and got married with me! No! Go back to the murderers of your friends! - Don't touch me! - I am your husband. No! I'll not return to Yamatai. Wait, Hinaku. Wait! Damn you! Get hem. Wait! What's your name? Nagi, the son of the chief. Kill me quickly! - Murderers! - No, I'll keep you alive. What are you saying? Get him on the boat. You'll see my state. BACK IN YAMATAI She's the queen Himiko! She has seen me. It's a great honor for me! Saruta, what about the phoenix? He lives in the volcano, Your Majesty. Who is that lad? This lad is named Nagi. He is from Kumaso. The inhabitants of Kumaso were all destroyed. Only this lad knows where the phoenix is. He angers me! Kill him! That lad will ing a catastrophe to this country. He might attempt to kill me. I am sure! Kill him! You hear me? Are you disobeying me? I can't! Spare his life! Coward! Traitor! If you can't kill him, I'll do it myself. Sword! Don't do it, sister. His blood will leave you with no power. Then, you kill him. You killed my dad and my sister, you killed all the people of Kumaso. Die! You Were awake the whole night. Why didn't you kill me? That old witch was mad at you. Shut up! Don't insult the queen! I'll teach you the art of archery. You must get the phoenix for the queen. No! The phoenix belongs to Kumaso! When you dominate the art of archery, then you can kill me. Eat a lot and grow. This is the basin of the valley. Practice here with this bow. Look, there you have the target. Let them get as close as possible. They're dumb. Now! Nagi! Don't die! Try to live! Drink all of the medicine. If you don't do it, I'll have you swallow it. I've got dust into my nose. Saruta, don't make so much noise! Not even the phoenix will be able to burn this steel arrow. The queen is waiting impatiently. She wants you to go to Kumaso to capture that bird. Do you want it, too? Who doesn't? Me. Then, why that arrow? Because he already defeated me before. Let's set camp here. We come from the mainland, We crossed the ocean to found a new state. Let's eat the sheep that we ought from our town. There's edible grass on the other side of the ook. There you can drink! Set eight guards at the four sides. Pick up the tents before sunset! Uzume, if you were just a little bit prettier, I would make you my woman. What a pity! You're a big ballerina. Ballerinas like you don't exist in my state. Have you crossed the ocean just to find a ballerina? That's good? Take me to your state. Abandon this land. No. I'll implant our civilization in these lands. Is it worth killing so many people? The men are mortal. Someday they'll die, if I don't kill them now. Not even the greatest kings live forever. But history will endure forever. War will last a long time, won't it? The same as humanity. And you... Can you defeat everyone? Yes, I am that powerful. Leave me in peace. Have you never seen a boy before? Not a boy from Kumaso like you. What? Don't you know your home? Are you looking for fight? Wait. My name is Oro and I think I can help you. On purpose, you hate the queen of Yamatai, don't you? What does that have to do with you? Yamatai is my fatherland. But I hate the queen because she takes our rice. She killed all my people! And ordered to kill my dad, who was innocent. And then, my mother died out of hunger. Why don't we kill the queen together? The mirror! Shit! It's that boy from Kumaso! Warriors! Get him! Around there. - You're fearless. - Shut up! Damn them! Were you an only son? Let's leave from here. The queen is very angry. Where's that boy? He has left. Did you help him? I never thought to kill the queen. They will push you into the moat of the wasps. The phoenix will be mine! I'll get eternal life! Sister! Where are you? Saruta has survived three days in the moat. It can't be! Sister, if you're a goddess, - revive that bull. - He has gone insane! Hold Susano-O! Hold Susano-O! He has blood stained my palace. Burn his eyes and expell him from Yamatai. The sky has transformed! It's extraordinary! Look! The sun is going down! The sun is disappearing because Susano-O provoked the queen. That's for sure. Has she got so much power? You don't imagine what she could do. She is even capable of moving the sky and the earth. Queen! What will happen to us? Please, return the light to the sun. I can't! I didn't take it away! Someone! Someone, please, have the sun shine again! Sarutahiko! The wasps have disappeared. They were scared of darkness. Watch out! Oro! Let's go! Nagi... There's a raft behind the three rocks in the beach. Row through the sea... towards your state. You're a girl! Why do you wear that clothing? I wanted to be your friend. Oro! Oro! Saruta, you took me across the sea last year. And now I am taking you towards my state. Oro, take me to Yamatai, to the queen Himiko! After all of this, do you still venerate her? The sea water is good for wounds. BACK IN KUMASO Sister! What will we do now? We can't stay here. The army of Himiko will come. No! They won't come that far to attack us. They will come for the phoenix. They will never capture him! What is Himiko? Nothing else but an old witch! She'd better swallow the mud and fall dead. Idiot! You're underestimating her power. Saruta! Your nose! Look at you nose! Good, then, you laugh! But now my nose works much better than before. That's the fleet of Yamatai! Didn't I tell you they would come? What's that noise? It's the volcano. The Earth is shaking. - It's going to erupt. - An eruption? What's that? The phoenix! The phoenix? How lucky I am. Saruta, wait here! - Be careful! - I'll get him! Nagi! Nagi! I hear a voice inside my head. Nagi, it's me. Who are you? Where are you? You are seeing me. Is it you, phoenix, the one who's talking? No! No, I can't talk with a mouth like yours. But I can talk with you from heart to heart. That's ridiculous! I must be dreaming! So it is. For you, Nagi, it's just a dream. How do you know my name? I already knew it before you were born. Then you should know that Uraji died because of you and that I'm going to kill you! But you'll never be able to kill me. Because I never die. You are immortal but humans are mortal. Why? That's not fair. You're saying you'll be happy if you don't die? Nagi, look at the ground. The ants fight to live. But they only can live for six years. And the life of a fly is even shorter. It only lives three days. I am not an insect! I am a human being! You pursue happiness. And that's why you must die. I'll drink your blood! Wait! I'll chase you! And I'll capture you before I die! - Guzuri! - Wait! Nagi! Your sister is alive! Liar! You're lying once again! No! She has a baby! A son? Whose son? My son. Yours? The son of a traitor? She'd never do anything like that. Nagi! Guzuri cheated us. How could you...? I tried to kill myself several times, but he saved me. He had them kill most of us! Kumaso succumbed! No, our tribe has not succumbed. There's survivors, you and I. I want to rebuild our town I'll have more children. 100, 200... Impossible! It will take five or ten centuries! Five... ten centuries... Even if I die, my children will live on. And if they die, their children will live on. I am trying to capture the phoenix. - And then she'll live forever. - Guzuri! I won't allow you to get that bird. I'll get him and I'll give her his blood. Why do you have to go? I can't stay with him. Nagi! Sister, I'll ing you that bird. I will not fail. Queen Himiko hired me and ordered me to kill you when I find you. Very good. - But I will not let you kill me. - You're wrong. You can't escape my arrows. Why don't you try it? Yumihiko, let me use your knife. - If you capture the phoenix... - I'll do it for sure! Give his blood to that boy. That boy's name is Nagi. He's my son. You're asking too much. Himiko would die. I'm ready.

Stop, Yumihiko! Sarutahiko! Sarutahiko! Don't tamper, stupid! But, you were... in danger. No! I was going to win! Is this the son you were talking about? Son? I'm a son of yours? Who said it? We'll meet again. Go on living till then. Go to Matsuro, three mountains ahead. Saruta, you told him that I'm your son, did you? Nagi, are you angry? I won't say it again. I'm your enemy. I'm not angry. My father was the ave chief of Kumaso. He died as the strongest of the warriors. Really? Is that what you were thinking of? For sure... The troops are searching for us. Leave me and go. How could I abandon you and go away? You should go. I want you to be safe. You mustn't die - because I love you. - Wait. What did you say? That you love me? Did you say that? Repeat it. I love you! Again! This... will stay between you and me. I don't think I'll repeat it again. I know. I know. - Just one more time. - I love you! Listen, warriors! Capture the phoenix that lives inside that volcano. Whoever traps him, will receive three mountains, three forests and three rivers. Your Majesty, this predicts a catastrophe! The birds are flying away. - The volcano is going to erupt. - You! Are you too scared? The phoenix appears when there's an eruption. It's our chance. Let's go! Let's go, right now! Calm the fury of the god of Fire! Help! The lava is starting to come afloat. Let's get out of here. No! The falling rocks could kill us. We have to reach the crest. Let's go! I'm alive! Such a horrible eruption. For sure, Where is Saruta? Sarutahiko! Sarutahiko! Is he dead? Don't die, Saruta! What's this? Sarutahiko! Nagi! You are alive! I'm so glad! It has ignited her! Wind? The light! Hinaku! We can get out of here! I have got him! Hinaku, eath in the fresh air. We'll never be able to climb this precipice. He is dead. Herbs! Now I understand. The seeds from the herbs fell into the crater. Then sun and rain had them grow. I'll survive! Let's live here! What are you doing? He's dead! Are you possessed by a bad spirit? The bird phoenix! It's the... hiding-place... of the phoenix. Let's go to Matsuro, just as Yumihiko suggested. It's dangerous. There's nothing to eat. Sarutahiko! The water has turned red! Blood! They've been dead for a long time. These are weird footprints. They're unknown to me. These animals are very big. - Maybe deers? - No. - It's bears, then? - No. - Tigers? - No. Hide! Nagi! My bow! Are you fine? Saruta! Look at this! This is the animal I used to mount. Let's mount! I used to mount it easily. It must be meek like a little dog. Nagi! It's better for you to leave it. Why don't you come with me? The enemy! Where did you get that horse from? So this animal is named horse. You aren't two tramps. Where do you come from? You, where do you come from? We descend from the wolf and the female of the fallow-deer. We feed ourselves with meat from animals and drink their milk. I am Jingi from Takamagahara. Saruta, what's he talking about? Who knows? Maybe he wants to say that it's fantastic. By the way, we are from Kumaso. We want to go back to Kumaso. - Is this Matsuro? - Matsuro? He doesn't exist anymore. We destroyed him. Destroyed him? You seem strong. Work for me and I will spare your life. If you don't, I'll kill you. - I refuse! - Me too! It's you who want it. Kill them. Wait! Wait! Uzume, What do you want ? Your Majesty, I beg you to spare their lives. You want him alive? Yes. I'm feeling sorry for them. Why? - Because... - Why? Because... Come on, you got fond of his nose. That's it. I want to get married to him. But will he accept you? You have a very pretty nose. Are you single? Or are you married? - I'm single! - I'm glad of it! Would you marry me? Would you get married to me? Don't get any closer! Go away from me! Be not so cool. - Help! - Running away won't help you. I'm determined to marry you. For sure you are an egoist! I used to dream of a romantic marriage. If you don't get married to me, - you'll die. - Die? No! You don't know Jingi. He is powerful and cruel. I don't fear him? I'm Saruta. He can't kill me so easily. But what's going on with that boy? He can't run. Saruta, don't listen to her. I can escape. No. You can't run as fast as his horses. Okay. It's done. Saruta and Uzume, live happily from this day on, till death. Thank you. Marriage without love is not good. Shut up! What do you know about love? The queen can't hear your prayer. She is annoyed. She keeps scolding us. It's because she was hit by a rock in the mountains. No. It's her age. She is very sick. She won't live long. She can't get the phoenix. Does he exist? It's the dream of those who yearn for eternal life. We don't have to worry about it. We're young. Finally it happened! The people won't depend on the queen anymore. She passed away! All the people are running to the palace. They won't calm down till they see her. They want to see the queen. Order the guards to keep them far from here. You can't do that. Ask the queen. Order the guards to use arrows of fire. You talk as if you were the queen! I order it to you as your future queen. We want to see Himiko! Where is Himiko? We don't believe her predictions! Susano-O! - He has returned! - Susano-O! Poor prince! He's blind! This will protect my eyes. Stupendous. Don't you come to bed, honey? No! Come to bed! I have work to do! - What's going on? - It's not your matter! Will you forgive me? What for? I'll put some make-up on. Make-up? Nagi! I ripped the rope of a bite. And Uzume? Saruta, it's your chance to flee. There's no moon tonight. The guards are drunk. Look, I stole a sword. When they go to sleep, kill Jingi and escape. Honey. Damn it! She's come back! Uzume! Your face... What? I'm so amazed that I can't even talk. But you're talking. This is my natural face. I put on some make-up trying to look ugly. Like a mask. The make-up doesn't only make a woman nicer. It can also make her ugly. I'm amazed. My country, Matsuro, was destroyed. They killed all the men and raped the women. But I never gave up. I wished for revenge. So I made myself ugly and succeeded. Just as I wanted, nobody liked me. I tricked them! Now I understand what occurred. Uzume, why did you marry me? Out of compassion? No. - Why? - well... for no reason at all. It's just because I love you. That's all. You love me? Yes. I'm ugly. This isn't a make-up, it's my face. Do you still love me? Are you crazy. This is Takeru, son of Guzuri and Hinaku. Hinaku, your dream became a reality. This boy will fund a new country. The tribe that was destroyed will bloom again. We have been walking for many days. Where are we going to? I understand that Jingy and his army came from a remote country. Their country was fallow, no trees grew there. They came to find fertile dirt. Did they find it? They want to found an empire in Yamatai and want to make it their country. what's going on? You look really upset. It's my country! It's appeared! The Golden Seal, a seal made of gold. Have you seen it? It's close to her bed. It demonstrates that she's the governor of this country. She was granted with it by the emperor of China. Is it really important? Who will inherit it? That's the question. If it's that important, it should not be given away. Shew wants to rule Yamatai for ever. That's the problem. Traitor! Come over here, warriors! Get rid of the body of this traitor! Sister. Susano-O! That smell of blood... was it Iyo's blood? That's it. You came back to take over the throne, did you? Sister... It's no time to fight between a other and his sister, a queen and her vassal. A very powerful tribe has attacked the north. And now they're heading over here. You can't threaten me like that. You too wish to get hold of the Golden Seal. But you're blind. I am blind, but I can see better than you. I have known the greatness of this land. I killed animals only to fight off my hunger. I've lived close to the people and I've learned their longing. Sister, the people have abandoned you. What's that? Enemy forces! Report immediatly! Susano-O! Yumihiko has returned! Yumihiko! What about the phoenix? Old lady... here it is. The phoenix! It's mine! Only mine! I'll attain eternal life! At last, the moment has come. She's dead. Now..... The phoenix! I beg you, Yumihiko! Give me the phoenix! - Give it to me! - To me! - Give me his blood! - At least one drop! To me! Only to me! And to me, too! Please. I can't let you have it. I made a promise. Yumihiko! When did you return? Where are you going now? I'm saying bye to Yamatai. I'll go back to Matsuro. It's been destroyed. What are you saying? This is our encampment. Attack them from three flanks. O.K.! Go. - I'll give you an opportunity. - No, I can't. - Why not? - They would kill you. You are very nice. Thank you. My love. But don't worry, they won't kill me. Find out how many warriors and their positions. There's eight horses ready. Let's go! Jingi, let me dance to cele ate your coming victory. As you wish. Uzume! You amaze me. You are so beautiful! Now! Nagi! Run to the position of Yamatai! They are going to escape! Catch them! They fled! What? Run towards the forest! I'll detain our horses! They have entered the forest. This way. Eight horses. Are you from Yamatai? I'm Susano-O, the chief. I want to see Jingi. - What do you want? - Take me to him. You're blind, right? You don't need to keep killing one another anymore. I'm going to tell him. We don't fight with words! Take this! - It's a present from heaven! Sarutahiko is back. Saruta is back! Welcome back home! You have a big nose, now. Give me a drink. And fetch this boy some water. It looks like we're in the same band, now. We'll fight a duel after the war. Don't die till then. The same to you! Listen to me! With your full attention! The enemy is close. Prepare big balls of hay. - Balls of hay? What for? - For the horses. - To feed them? - Stupid! To detain the enemy horses! Horses are scared of fire. If it holds them back, we'll have a chance. Set them up in a line! I'll give you the signal to light them up. Then roll them down the hill. The air is getting damp. It's going to rain. To rain? No! This is the battle front. It's not a place for kids. Are you Nagi? I have a present for you. The place where I buried the phoenix. You killed the phoenix? - Really? - Of course. For sure? Yes. Did you drink his blood? What for? I promised it to your father. My father? Who...? Saruta. I see! He asked me to hand you the bird. It's inside a leather suit. They don't burn! Attack! Right ahead! My plan has failed. Damn rain! What are we going to do? I have an idea. Get into the balls of hay, two of you into each one. Slip down the hill and then run to the horses I'm getting dizzy! Help me! Where are they coming from? The enemies are inside the bails of hay. Shoot them! Let's retire! To the palace! The queen has died. But here's the Golden Seal. Whoever owns this seal will rule over Yamatai. And I'm that person! Let's flee! Don't pull back! Wait! Come back here lest I kill you! Saruta. - You have lost. - No! We have the queen Himiko. We can't lose. She's dead. - Didn't you know that? - That's a lie! She can't just die like us, simple commoners! Her body can't rot in the earth. It's for sure. The queen is dead. The queen is dead. We have nobody to rule over us. You... you seem to have lost your reason to exist. Poor man! You are right. I'll kill Jingi and then die! Saruta! Be not so sad. Ill ing you something nice. Where are you going? I'm going to help you, myself and everybody else. - It's buried. - Wait! - Should you go? - I'm in a hurry. Nagi, before you go, call me father. That can wait. No! Say it right now! Father! Father! And now I leave. Good. Thank you. Nagi, this is a goodbye. My son! Jingi! Here it is! Narigudo, this time I'll finish you. Let's have a duel. - Dismount! - There's no need to dismount. We'll fight like this. Barbarian! Be quite there. Flee as far as you can. But remember: unless you run till hell, my arrow will hit you. Who are you? Yumihiko from Matsuro. You are very lucky. - You are the only survivor. - Don't move! I'll teach you a lesson: ''Fear till the last of men''. Yumihiko, do you know that woman? Uzume! You knew her well. She lived and died with a bow in her hands. He must be satisfied. Saruta is dead. Sarutahiko! Uzume, I order you: Be my wife and forget the dead. Marry me. No. Are you nagging? I am the conqueror. Who else is better than me? I am pregnant with the son of this man. The sun of Saruta? You think you destroyed him and that you're the winner but you're wrong. I am a woman and women have their own weapons. Having kids. Generating life. I'll destroy all the life you generate. Even the insects enjoy life. Life is present even in the immense vault of heaven As long as the sun shines, you won't be able to destroy life. Where are you going? I'm taking a trip. I'll kill you! Do it, if that's what you wish for. Who gives a damn about a woman? You're free to leave and die on your way! There it is! The phoenix! His blood grants you eternal life! Damn it! He has no blood! Not even one single drop! He's dry! We'll meet again. You are... - What's that? - Have you come for this? I'll never give it to you nor to anyone else. Try to get him! You'll never catch him! The phoenix is mine. He rises again, the bird phoenix! The mythical bird! His blood grants eternal life. Should we shoot him? Let him be. I'm not interested in the bird phoenix. Eternal life? What's it good for? And eternal life? I don't need it. Bless you, phoenix. Live for ever... and talk about Jingi, the conqueror, for many, many years! SEVERAL YEARS AFTERWARDS... Father! Mother! The phoenix! The phoenix has returned. I never thought he'd come back. Takeru! At last, today... I'll scale the ledge. Don't hold me back! Mother! I've trained hard for this day since my father's death. He told me not to try climbing this ledge. He said that our world was all in this moat. But there must be a better one far away. I want to see it outside of this moat. You can go, Takeru. Thank you, mother. I'll be coming back. Wait for me! No doubt, I'll be back. Agreed? The more I climb, the higher it seems. This is as far as I can reach. I feel dizzy. My fingers feel numb. This is the end. I'm going to die. How can I untie the knives... Try to live! Who is it? Who's talking to me? I'm going to die! Try to live! Phoenix! Is it you? Are you talking to me? Yes. You mustn't die. Live! Try to live, despite all. What for? Why should I live? Because you were born. Because you are alive, That's why you must keep living. - You must live! - Shut up! Don't lecture me. You're nothing else but a bird. I've been watching over you for a long time. And now, open your eyes wide and look over there. The peak is there. His father died. And I'm also going to die. But the phoenix will take care of him. Now he is his mother. The peak! I've reached it! I escaped from there! The world! How wide! How wide it is! And it belongs to us! Father! Goodbye! Mother! I'll come back! THE END

Hey, Halphen... Going to Epernay? - When? - In half an hour. In your truck?... Give me a ride. - Sure...Josephine? - Of course! - You're not the only one. - Big deal! Say, Maréchal... You have to take up a staff officer. He's picked the wrong time. -Josephine again? - Yeah, Josephine. Where will all that get you? She'll just have to wait. Liquor kills! Liquor drives you crazy! The squadron leader drinks it! Captain de Boeldieu. Staff officer, division... Do you know this photo, Mr. Maréchal? Sure. Ricord took it with me. And where can I find Mr. Ricord? - On leave. - Of course. This gray smudge worries me... Here, just below the road. - That's not a road, it's a canal. - No, a railway. Such unanimity honors our aerial cameras. It was a foggy day. I'd like to resolve this enigma. I'll request a plane. I'll go get ready, sir. Flying suit or fur jacket? No preference. Flying suits smell, fur jackets shed. Get me the fighter squadron. Take a car to the sugar refinery. I just shot down a Caudron fighter. If they're Officers, invite them for lunch. Freisler... make us one of your famous fruit punches to cele ate the downing of my twelfth plane. Three bottles of Moselle... two Rhine... half a bottle of Martel... three bubbly... two seltzer... pineapples... Two officers. One is wounded. I took him to the infirmary. Captain von Rauffenstein, CO, 21 st Squadron. Captain de Boeldieu, staff officer. Lt. Maréchal, pilot. My apologies. My officers. I am honored to have French guests. Now, gentlemen, let us eat. Orderly, coats! Freisler, your punch... May I serve you? I knew a Boeldieu in Berlin... a Count de Boeldieu. My cousin, Edmond de Boeldieu. He was military attaché. He's a fighter pilot now. Aren't you eating? I can't cut the meat. - May I? - Please do. You speak good French. I was a mechanic in Lyons. No kidding! Me too, I'm a mecha... To Captain de Crussol, French Flying Corps, shotdown in flames... From the Officers ofthe German 21st Squadron. I'm sorry about this coincidence. May the earth lie lightly on our valiant enemy. I have orders to take custody of the captured officers. PRISONER-OF-WAR CAMP N1 7 OFFICERS' CAMP Read these gentlemen the camp regulations. Officers will be treated with the consideration due their rank. However, you are reminded that you are subject to German law. You therefore must obey the rules of German discipline. Any German soldier here has the right to give you orders which must be obeyed without protest. You must salute Officers according to German army regulations. If you attempt to escape, sentries have orders to fire on officers found outside camp limits. Incorrect dress is not permitted. Large crowds are forbidden. You may not insult the German people, or write or speak to civilians from outside the camp. It is forbidden to speak to the sentries. Gentlemen, we will now proceed with some minor formalities. Russian nouns are declined just like in Latin. - Newcomers. - Let's warn them. Angel of purity, angel of light! Hide your valuables... - What are they singing? - To hide our valuables. Don't touch! Those belong to me. I've got nothing, old man. Had I known, I'd have ought some cash. This conduct is unbecoming. Sorry, it's our duty to search you. This is war. I perfectly agree, but conduct it courteously. If not, I'll see your commanding officer. How are you - kulele? Lucky you - calyptus! Here, Müller, have some chocolate. You've no right to open my ham! It's in the regulations. I read them carefully. It's rotten! You can have it! He's hard to please. I'm delighted when my folks send a parcel. Here we are, in the heart of Germany, cut off from our families by the front, and here's a can of peas, direct from Paris. Is it all right? I'm amazed at how honest our jailers are with our parcels. It's true! Take our feldwebel, Arthur... He eats cabbage every day. It sticks in his craw. He told me so. He'd much rather lay into your peas. Don't kid yourselves. If they did that, our parcels would stop coming. They're short of food for themselves. Hurry, our guests will be hungry. This tastes like an old sock! What do they feed the French? Cabbage, but they have their parcels. - And the Russians? - Cabbage roots, but no parcels. And the English? I was on the stage before the war... in vaudeville. - Ever see me? - Theater's too deep for me. I prefer bicycling. You follow the Tour de France? You must've heard of Fabert, Garrigoud, Petit Breton... Can we purchase what we like? Yes, through the canteen. Fine, I'll buy myself a comfortable armchair... playing cards, a few books, English cigarettes. You won't find those. There you go, sir. I'll come again tomorrow. Gentlemen, time to eat. Sir... So, gentlemen, what shall we begin with? Chicken, foie gras, or Captain Cook mackerel? You're well provisioned. Don't they feed us here? In theory, they do, but what they give us is inedible. Fortunately, we have our parcels, especially our friend Rosenthal's. Oh, please! A cognac to start with, sir? I've never eaten so well in my life. Some fish? I'm getting used to Rosenthal's kindness. Man is such an adaptable creature. You can see he's a professor... Profess her... Confess her... Address her... undress her... Oops, a slip! You're quite a joker! Is that supposed to be witty? He's hard to please! Let's drink to peace! Not bad, this cognac. Comes from Fouquet's in mouthwash bottles. Fouquet's? It's a bar on the Champs-Elysées. When I went to Paris, I ate at my other-in-law's. It's cheaper. - Been to Paris lately? - Last week. Lucky man! Places crowded? Maxim's was packed. I never go to places like that... I prefer a nice little bar... with good wine. - Maxim's... don't know it either. - It's no great loss. We know you eat at your other-in-law's... He never lets up! Is he there, Mr. Monocle? No, he's not. I've just been to the canteen. It's about his armchair request... Let him tighten his belt! I'll tell him. He's nice, the guy with the parcels. Well off? And how! You know the Rosenthal bank? His parents. Am I tickling you? - And what's he do? - Runs a big fashion house. Funny. With his money, I wouldn't... What do you do in civilian life? I'm a engineer for the cadaster. Sure, the cadaster... just between us... can we trust your pal, the Captain? He may seem strange, but he's okay. You can trust him all right. - It's all right, then. - Why? You see, after dark... we're digging a tunnel. What for? To escape. What do you dig with? A coal shovel, old food cans... I calculate we should come up in a garden behind those buildings there. It's open country. That's slow work. We've been at it for two months. just a few more weeks... The war'll be over first. You're deluding yourself. Think so? Best to be prepared. Where's the tunnel? You'll see tonight, after roll call. So you're digging a hole... Like Monte Cristo. What a laugh! - Thanks for the wash. - You can't do it with your arm. Mind if I ask you something? Go ahead. What's a cadaster? - Maréchal. - Present. - Boeldieu. - Captain de Boeldieu. - Cartier. - Here...we go again! Good night, Arthur! - Whose turn is it? - Cartier's. What's that for? For eathing. These are to extend the line. And the bags? For removing earth. This is the alarm. If I start to suffocate, I yank on the string... The can falls... And the boys pull me out by the feet... The feet... What are you waiting for? Watch me play the mole... mol-asses! Is the tunnel safe? It's shored up with wood from the theater. And the earth? Stuffed under the floorboards. But there's not an inch of space left. Now we fill bags and empty them during exercise. Hear that? I'm sure I heard something. It's nothing. Listen... We'll send someone out to check. You've got an innocent face. Go take a peek outside. I'll pretend to go to the latrine. Say, Arthur, what happened? The fellow tried to escape. We caught him in the garden behind those buildings... We opened fire. Behind the buildings? - Is he dead? - I think so. And you, what are you doing out? Going to the latrine. - What was it? - Someone tried to escape. He got as far as the garden behind the buildings. A sentry shot him. He's dead. The alarm! - No answer. - Pull him out. Hurt bad? Drink some cognac. From Fouquet's. Here's mud in your eye. Don't drop the bottle. Who goes down tomorrow? You do, sir... if you don't mind. My pleasure. I understand crawling is fine exercise. I remind you it is strictly forbidden to receive non-military clothing. Good news? It's from my aunt in Bordeaux. People are swarming into town. What do you think? They'd better watch out, the Germans are claiming a major eakthrough. There's been no bell-ringing so it can't mean much. Up for some gardening? I hate the way German bulletins exaggerate. And our papers don't? Remember the Russian steamroller? Isn't it time we got down to serious business? Sure, but not all at once. And that famous General Winter, so lethal to the nasty Krauts but so tonic to the Allies... And do you remember Turpinite? A flask the size of... a radish that could blow up a whole battalion. They even tried it on a flock of sheep. Too bad they didn't stop at that. - What're you guys planting? - Dandelions. I'm dreaming of dandelion salad. The war'll be over before your dandelions grow. This singular exercise will give us workman's hands. The trunks are here! - The costumes? - At the theater. There should be a trunk with women's clothes. Coming, sir? My theatrical skills are questionable. Besides, I'm engaged. - Playing patience? - Exactly. I'm a realist. Find anything, Arthur? Nothing. Well, gentlemen, enjoy yourselves. Where will we put all this? I asked for hangers. Be careful... These things should be handled with care... with your eyes closed. Looks like a little girl's dress. Dresses are short now. just below the knee. So I hear. I'd love to see that! Then put it on. Not him, he never shaves. - You have an angel face, Maisonneuve. - Anything to amuse. We have to take inventory. The corset, too! Take it easy. It's not only the dresses. They wear their hair short, too. Short hair! It's like sleeping with a boy! When we're not around, women act foolish. I'm sure my wife hasn't cut her hair. That's for high-class floozies. How would you know, with that mug? - Shoes! - How small they are! Stockings. Stockings of sheerest silk! Hey, fellas, I'm ready! Let us dream a bit first. You'll only stifle our imagination. Look at that! Black stockings! Looks like a real girl! Funny, huh? Doesn't it look funny? Yeah, sure looks funny. Poor boys. Enjoy yourselves. Out there, children play soldier... In here, soldiers play like children. I wish I knew what's going on back home. - No news? - Nothing. I don't care what my missus is up to. I want out 'cause I'm bored stiff... bored! So you want to escape for the fun of it. Right! For me, it's the spirit of contradiction. They won't let me fight, so I'm dying to. I hate being here when others are biting the dust. For me it's simple. A golf course is for golf. A tennis court for tennis. A prison camp is for escaping. And you, Rosenthal, the sportsman... Him? He was born in Jerusalem. No, in Vienna. To a Danish mother and a Polish father, naturalized French. Old Celtic aristocracy! Yet for all your French roots, none of you owns an acre of your country. In 35 years, the Rosenthals have acquired three chateaux with hunting preserves, farms, orchards, warrens, stud farms, and 3 galleries of bona fide ancestors. If that's not worth escaping to fight for! I'd never considered patriotism from such an unusual angle. With all those game preserves, your lackeys must really stuff themselves. I got into the war in a funny way. I became a soldier because I'm a vegetarian. That's right. My other and I had stomach ailments. The doctor warned us against eating meat. I turned vegetarian and got well. My other went on eating meat, got sick and was invalided out. Your citations show vegetarianism didn't interfere with duty. Or stop my wife from cheating on me. You have to admit it's stirring. I loathe fifes. Still, it gets to you. It's not the music that gets to you... It's the marching feet. Thanks to your dumb talk I ruined my pants... FORT DOUAUMONT TAKEN! What about our show? Do we still put it on? You bet we do! All the more reason. In fact we should invite the German Officers. Although I won't join in your artistic endeavors, Maréchal, let me congratulate you... That's the spirit! Have you met Marguerite She's neither tall nor petite With eyes that glow, skin like snow And lips in a cupid's bow Well, when this divine creation Heard my ardent declaration She gave me a rose, tweaked my nose Saying, I'll give you joy I said, Thanks all the same But that's not why I came If you want to give me joy Marguerite, Marguerite If you want to give me joy Make me your loverboy 'Neath her window I waited And then I serenaded: My soul's apyre since your eyes set my heart on fire! So this sweet and caring dame To put out my raging flame Did a bucket spill from her sill Asking, Is it burning still? I said, Thanks all the same But that's not why I came If you want to give me joy Marguerite, let me be your loverboy All together now! And now... direct from Paris! Get it, Arthur? Stop the show! Stop the show! Stop, fellas! We've retaken Douaumont! It's in the German papers. A little hole, to escape. GERMAN TROOPS RECAPTURE DOUAUMONT Isn't that awful? Can't be much left of it! Get off my back! I can't take it any more! I'm fed up! I want to see some light! It stinks of shit in here! Hear me? It stinks of shit! And I want to hear a voice. I want to hear a French voice. What was he yelling about? The war's too long. If my calculations are right, we should be under the garden wall in four days. That's a lot of dirt! Now that we may get away and reach home again, I'm afraid of what's waiting for me. There's more than one woman on earth! Not for me. That's why she cheats on you. One thing upsets me: leaving Maréchal behind. It weighs on me as well. In fact... it disturbs me. But that's war. No room for sentiment. Glad to see you, old man. We are, too. Wait until you hear why. You old dog! Got anything to eat? I'm hungry. Have a seat. Rosenthal's getting some grub ready. What time is it? 11 o'clock. Time's dragging today. Sure, but tonight it's aufwiedersehen! So, we meet in Amsterdam? I'm keen to see Holland, for the tulips. What about the cheese? Don't you like Dutch cheese? Sure, but they say the tulip fields stretch for miles. You have the instincts of a shop girl. Assembly at three o'clock. All Officers are to change camps. Get your things ready. Gentlemen, I wish you a pleasant journey. I hope you will see your wives again soon. We ought to alert them. About the tunnel. Sir, there's a tunnel in Barrack 7. Open the window. It stinks in here! Sir, may I point out there are only two pairs of white gloves left. We can't get any gloves here. Try to make them last. Yes, sir... More coffee, sir? If you call this muck coffee, I have to accept it. At least it warms my insides. The list of new prisoners, sir. Three new officer POWs reporting, sir! Delighted to see you again, Boeldieu. But I'm sorry to see you here. We feel the same. Sit down, gentlemen. No, thank you, sir. As you wish. Captain de Boeldieu, four escape attempts: Through a heating duct, in a garbage bin, via the sewers, in a laundry basket. One must lower oneself, at times. I understand. Lieutenant Maréchal, five attempts at escape: Disguised as a chimney sweep... Correction, sir: heating engineer. Disguised as a German soldier, disguised as a woman. Amusing, very amusing. But less so when an NCO tried to pick me up. That I didn't like! Indeed? I assure you. Lieutenant Demolder, three attempts... Gentlemen, I respect your patriotism and courage. But the situation is completely different here. No one escapes from this fortress. You understand me, don't you? So as not to be accused of German barbarism, I have decided to apply French regulations. Look them over. They make good bedtime reading. And now, gentlemen, if you will follow me... Oswald! My coat. My soldiers aren't young, but they enjoy playing soldier. We have 25 more guns like this one. I suppose you know the Maxim gun? Very well, sir. But I prefer the restaurant. Touché! 12th century. Excuse me, sir... Was this villa built specially for Captain de Boeldieu and myself? Are we your only boarders? Your comrades are back there. 13th century. A 120-foot drop. So kind of you to show us around the grounds. It's such a nice castle, sir. It's so old... And so cheerful. Sorry I can't give you a room to yourself. I'm touched, but I'd never have accepted. I hope our walk didn't weary you too much. Not at all, sir, we're fine. - 14th century. - Pure Gothic. If you don't mind, gentlemen... Your friend Lt. Rosenthal, from the Hallbach camp, is here. - Not old Rosenthal! - He wasn't any luckier. The commandant has put you all in the same room. That way you'll eat better. That's very nice of him. A mere formality. - I caught it with a unette. - Who can you trust? A friend of my mother's. Quite respectable. She did charity work. In good society it's usually the pox. Right, Boeldieu? The pox used to be our privilege. But we've lost it. Like so many others. Everything is popularized. Cancer and gout aren't working-class diseases, but they will be, believe me. How about intellectuals? With us it's tuberculosis. Here's Mr. Pindar. And the middle class? Liver and intestinal ailments... They eat too much. We'd each die of our own class diseases, if war didn't make all germs equal. Your dictionaries are in my way. Excuse me, but Pindar has always been so badly translated. A lamentable oversight. I'm so sorry. Not that I care, but who's this guy Pindar? Go on, joke! But Pindar means more to me than anything... More than you, the war, my life! Pindar is the greatest Greek poet. The greatest Greek poet? You don't say... There! My map'sj ust about finished. See... this is where we are... 16 miles above this bend in the Main River. To reach Switzerland above Lake Constance and avoid the Rhine, we'd have to travel... - 200 miles. - No kidding! That means walking 15 nights on 6 lumps of sugar and 2 biscuits a day. You and your map, you're as crazy as him and his Pindar. To escape... There! My picture's finished. Justice Pursuing Crime. It came out all right. Look, to reach this Constance place... Will it hold? It can hold 10 of you and 5 like me. They're searching the rooms! - Under the mattress, quick! - No, under mine! That won't do. It's childish. May I? Now there's an idea! A convenient little gutter. Here they are! Gentlemen... inspection. Louise wrote to I am as weary as a girl after 22 nights of love. 22 nights of love, imagine that! Continue! Not that corner! Give me your word that you've nothing in here against regulations. You have my word. But why my word and not theirs? The word of a... Rosenthal... and a Maréchal? It's as good as ours. Perhaps. No, not that! It's very rare. Poor old Pindar! They really are stupid. Everything go all right in here? - Not bad. - For us, too. And how is your cousin, Edmond de Boeldieu, the military attaché I met in Berlin? He's doing well. He's very happy. He lost an arm and married a rich woman. A truly fine career. Recognize her? Sit down. Let me tell you something... Believe me, my present functions revolt me as much as they do you. That's being harsh. I used to be a combatant. Now I'm a bureaucrat, a policeman. But it's the only way I can still appear to be serving my fatherland. I have burns all over... That explains my gloves. My spine is fractured in two places. A silver plate. In my kneecap, too. I owe these riches to the misfortunes of war. - May I ask you a question? - Of course. Why did you make an exception of me by inviting me here? Because your name is Boeldieu, career officer in the French Army. And I am Rauffenstein, career officer in the German Imperial Army. But my comrades are Officers, as well. A Maréchal and a Rosenthal, Officers? They're fine soldiers. Charming legacy of the French Revolution. Neither you nor I can stop the march of time. Boeldieu... I don't know who will win this war, but whatever the outcome, it will mean the end of the Rauffensteins and the Boeldieus. We're no longer needed. Isn't that a pity? Perhaps. I admire the way you tend your geranium. Don't think I've become a botanist, but it's the only flower in the fortress. Nothing grows here but ivy and nettles. I'm glad I'm leaving with you. With us. Sure, I like Boeldieu, but... With him... I never really feel at ease. Different backgrounds... There's a wall between us. He's a terrific guy. Sure, and he's on the level, but... Suppose you and I were on the skids. We'd just be two bums. If it happened to him, he'd still be Monsieur de Boeldieu. Anyway, you've been terrific, too, feeding us with your parcels. That's all vanity. I'm really proud to come from a rich family. Inviting you to my table is my way of showing it. Most people think we're stingy. Wrong. We're often generous. Unfortunately, along with that quality, Jehovah gave us an overdose of pride. To hell with Jehovah! All I know is you've been a real pal. We've received a large crate, a gift from our Czarina. Please come and share it with us. From the Czarina? Must be caviar. - Coming, Boeldieu? They've got vodka. - Vodka? Lead on. Now we can pay you back for all your kindness. The Czarina is always good-hearted. Quite a lady, your Czarina. Think of what's in store! Principles of Alge a... Elementary Ethics... Grammar... A cook book! Something to sink your teeth into! What a farce! Let's go before something happens. Goodbye, thanks anyway. - The Cossacks aren't happy! - Let's get out of here! You have no right to burn books! It's crazy sending us books! The sentries are busy with the Russians. It's a long drop here, but it's unguarded. If only we'd been ready! What a chance! - Especially at night! - We'll try again. It was kind of them to hold a rehearsal for us. Now we know if one man can divert them for 5 minutes, his comrades can escape. - Too risky! - You're exaggerating. It would amuse me. When do you want to go? Why us? You're in it, too. Why not? Don't you trust us? - That wouldn't stop me. - Well then? A plan like yours can only work with two men. And I know your preference. - It's not fair. - What's fair in war? We can't accept that. I'm not asking you... I'm telling you. The arts aren't forbidden here. You like music? So-so... I like a good waltz. I love the flute. Here's the program: We buy flutes for everyone. On the given day: concert in all the rooms at 5 p.m. That's when night falls. Five minutes later, they confiscate our flutes. At 5:15, another concert with anything at hand: saucepans, animal noises, grinding teeth, whatever... assembly in the courtyard. Then what? That's my concern. You'll have five minutes... to clear the walls and reach the woods. Look, Boeldieu, I don't know how to put it, but I feel awful about this. - Come now! - Yes, awful. I'd like to say something... Pour some warm water over my gloves, will you? Whatever happens, I want you to know that... I'm not doing this for you personally. So we needn't get mawkish. Go on. But there are times in life... Let's avoid them, shall we? Excuse me... So you'll be wearing those? Any objections? No, but white gloves for this sort of thing, what an idea! To each his own style. You can't do anything like other people. We've been together eighteen months, and you still stand on ceremony. I'm the same with my mother and my wife. In that case... No thanks, English tobacco gives me a sore throat. No doubt about it: gloves, tobacco... We've got nothing in common. Say what you like, but where there are Germans, there is order. Sure, the old man is a bit mad with his flower pot and all... A good thing I'm here to keep those scoundrels in check. I was a teacher back home. Lieutenant, confiscate those damned flutes at once! I advise you not to start again! We'll do just that in 15 minutes. Order executed, sir. You see? It worked. Put them on ead and water for three days. And no parcels. Ready, boys... Two seconds... Assembly! I understand my students now. What a lark! While it lasts. Well... What? Goodbye. Boeldieu! De Boeldieu! Listen! I beg you! Come down! Lieutenants Maréchal and Rosenthal have escaped. So that's why. Search lights! Send out patrols with dogs! Alert all military and civil authorities! Report back to me every quarter hour! Your orders have been carried out, sir. No sign of the fugitives yet. Forgive me. I would have done the same. French or German, duty is duty. Are you in pain? I didn't think a bullet in the stomach hurt so much. I aimed at your legs. It was 500 feet, with poor visibility... Besides, I was running. Please, no excuses. I was clumsy. I'm not the one to be pitied. For me it will all be over... soon. But you'll have to carry on. Carry on a futile existence. For a commoner, dying in a war is a tragedy. But for you and me, it's a good way out. I missed my chance. You shouldn't be talking so much. Sir... We should've avoided the road. We couldn't sleep in the reeds. He's gone. Didn't you see it was a woman? - Let's get going. - Wait till dark. I'm freezing, I have to move. Want your sugar? There's not much left. And we've a long way to go. - What about you? - I ate mine, I was hungry. You keep it, so I won't be tempted. You poor thing... You ate your buttons, too? Does it show? So we're not waiting till dark? No, we'll skirt the village first. Your foot hurt? It's nothing... a nerve. Let's go. You coming? You coming or what? I'm doing the best I can. You and your foot! It's not my fault! I slipped. You slipped! That's all I hear. If you get us caught, you'll explain you slipped? We're out of food. Might as well give up now. - Gladly. I've had enough too. - Had enough of me? Damn right! If you only knew how you make me sick! Well, the feeling's mutual. You're a dead weight, a ball and chain. I never could stomach Jews! A bit late to realize that! Clear out, you're dying too. You said it! Get lost! I'm sick of your ugly mug! I'm going! You're on your own now! So long! So long! Go ahead! I'm so happy I could sing... There once was a little steamboat Which had ne-ne-nevergone to sea After five or six weeks at sea The supplies were al-al-almost gone for good... Why'd you come back? Come on. Let's go, fella. - Had enough? - It's okay. - Want to rest in that shed there? - Too risky. - I can't see any smoke. - Even so... When the ship's on fire, you go overboard. Right. Overboard we go! Let's go, old man. - Someone's there. - The window! Run for it. I'll draw them off. Don't move! Keep quiet. Stay where you are! French... We're not thieves. Prisoners of war? You speak German? I sprained my foot. We're exhausted. We're not thieves. I'm not afraid. Go on, call the police. I won't walk another step! You sprained your foot? She says to come into the house. No, I don't trust her. She says she's alone here. She says her child's asleep, so don't make any noise. Come and sit down here. I'll be right back. Hungry? Yes. - She asked if you're hungry. - Yeah, I understood. What about you? I just want to sleep. Excuse me, but how far is Wölfisheim? Eight miles. I'd sooner stay here than slog up there! But duty's duty. Thanks and good night. Hush! My child's asleep! My husband. Killed at Verdun. My others... Killed at Ličge... Charleroi... Tannenberg. Our biggest victories. The table's too big now. Relax, it's only me! You don't mind if a Frenchman feeds you. You smell like my grandfather's cows. A good smell. You're a cow from Würtemberg and I'm a working man from Paris, but we can still be pals! You're a poor cow, I'm a poor soldier. We each do our best. You're a ight little girl. Mommy and I know everything. Really? Then how much milk does the cow give each month? Mommy knows that. I know I have ten fingers. She asked for water. I know. For 18 months, I never understood the guards. But her I understand. - Nice, but it looks cheap. - I did my best. I was talking to Santa Claus. Joseph's got a nice beard! Here's the Virgin Mary. Isn't my little donkey cute? And my ox? And the infant Jesus... An ancestor of mine. Touché! as poor Boeldieu would say. - Think he's dead? - Let's not talk about it. We're ready. Go get the kid. Hold on... The gramophone and the candles. Lights out! Lotte! Baby Jesus has come. I knew he would! Is it for me? I want little Jesus. To take to bed? No, to eat. He's not for eating. She wants to eat Baby Jesus! Strictly forbidden, my sweet! Then I'll eat Joseph. All right, but in bed. She wants Joseph? There you go. You're a good little girl. Your gramophone's on the blink. How do you say: Lotte has blue eyes? Go to sleep, pumpkin. I don't know how to thank you. Thank us? We owe you so much. Well... good night. I'll make some coffee. The coffee's ready. Say it in French. Have you told her we're leaving? Not yet. It's high time. You tell her. - We must be going. - I knew it. Maréchal couldn't bear to tell you. Why? I always knew he'd have to go. Come on in. There's hot coffee. You should eat something before you go. Do we wait until dark? Sure. Let's say good-bye to the cow. I've been alone too long. I've waited so long. If you knew how happy I've been to hear your footsteps around the house. Elsa... Listen. When war over... if me not dead... Understand? I... come back here... no? And you... after... come... with me... to France. With Lotte... no? For the journey. Go quickly. It's better that way. - Not looking back? - If I do, I might never leave. - Let's move. - We're not waiting till dark? We'd lose our way. The woods will hide us. But in the valley, we'll have to stay low. You're sure that's Switzerland? - Positive. - It all looks the same. You can't see borders. They're man-made. Nature couldn't care less. I want to see an end to all this. Then I'd go back for Elsa. - You love her? - I think so. Even if we do make it, you'll go back to flying and me to gunning, we'll keep fighting. Like the fellas. We've got to end this damn war... and make it the last. Don't delude yourself. Let's come down to earth. What if we run into a patrol? We split up, and try our luck. just in case, let's say goodbye and see you soon. - So long, you dirty Jew. - So long, you old dog. Don't shoot! They're in Switzerland. Good for them!

Hey, Halphen... Going to Epernay? - When? - In half an hour. In your truck?... Give me a ride. - Sure...Josephine? - Of course! - You're not the only one. - Big deal! Say, Marťchal... You have to take up a staff officer. He's picked the wrong time. -Josephine again? - Yeah, Josephine. Where will all that get you? She'll just have to wait. Liquor kills! Liquor drives you crazy! The squadron leader drinks it! Captain de Boeldieu. Staff officer, division... Do you know this photo, Mr. Marťchal? Sure. Ricord took it with me. And where can I find Mr. Ricord? - On leave. - Of course. This gray smudge worries me... Here, just below the road. - That's not a road, it's a canal. - No, a railway. Such unanimity honors our aerial cameras. It was a foggy day. I'd like to resolve this enigma. I'll request a plane. I'll go get ready, sir. Flying suit or fur jacket? No preference. Flying suits smell, fur jackets shed. Get me the fighter squadron. Take a car to the sugar refinery. I just shot down a Caudron fiighter. If they're Officers, invite them for lunch. Freisler... make us one of your famous fruit punches to cele ate the downing of my twelfth plane. Three bottles of Moselle... two Rhine... half a bottle of Martel... three bubbly... two seltzer... pineapples... Two officers. One is wounded. I took him to the infirmary. Captain von Rauffenstein, CO, 21 st Squadron. Captain de Boeldieu, staff officer. Lt. Marťchal, pilot. My apologies. My officers. I am honored to have French guests. Now, gentlemen, let us eat. Orderly, coats! Freisler, your punch... May I serve you? I knew a Boeldieu in Berlin... a Count de Boeldieu. My cousin, Edmond de Boeldieu. He was military attachť. He's a fighter pilot now. Aren't you eating? I can't cut the meat. - May I? - Please do. You speak good French. I was a mechanic in Lyons. No kidding! Me too, I'm a mecha... To Captain de Crussol, French Flying Corps, shotdown in flames... From the Officers ofthe German 21st Squadron. I'm sorry about this coincidence. May the earth lie lightly on our valiant enemy. I have orders to take custody of the captured officers. PRISONER-OF-WAR CAMP N1 7 OFFICERS' CAMP Read these gentlemen the camp regulations. Officers will be treated with the consideration due their rank. However, you are reminded that you are subject to German law. You therefore must obey the rules of German discipline. Any German soldier here has the right to give you orders which must be obeyed without protest. You must salute Officers according to German army regulations. If you attempt to escape, sentries have orders to fire on officers found outside camp limits. Incorrect dress is not permitted. Large crowds are forbidden. You may not insult the German people, or write or speak to civilians from outside the camp. It is forbidden to speak to the sentries. Gentlemen, we will now proceed with some minor formalities. Russian nouns are declined just like in Latin. - Newcomers. - Let's warn them. Angel of purity, angel of light! Hide your valuables... - What are they singing? - To hide our valuables. Don't touch! Those belong to me. I've got nothing, old man. Had I known, I'd have ought some cash. This conduct is unbecoming. Sorry, it's our duty to search you. This is war. I perfectly agree, but conduct it courteously. If not, I'll see your commanding officer. How are you - kulele? Lucky you - calyptus! Here, MŁller, have some chocolate. You've no right to open my ham! It's in the regulations. I read them carefully. It's rotten! You can have it! He's hard to please. I'm delighted when my folks send a parcel. Here we are, in the heart of Germany, cut off from our families by the front, and here's a can of peas, direct from Paris. Is it all right? I'm amazed at how honest our jailers are with our parcels. It's true! Take our feldwebel, Arthur... He eats cabbage every day. It sticks in his craw. He told me so. He'd much rather lay into your peas. Don't kid yourselves. If they did that, our parcels would stop coming. They're short of food for themselves. Hurry, our guests will be hungry. This tastes like an old sock! What do they feed the French? Cabbage, but they have their parcels. - And the Russians? - Cabbage roots, but no parcels. And the English? I was on the stage before the war... in vaudeville. - Ever see me? - Theater's too deep for me. I prefer bicycling. You follow the Tour de France? You must've heard of Fabert, Garrigoud, Petit Breton... Can we purchase what we like? Yes, through the canteen. Fine, I'll buy myself a comfortable armchair... playing cards, a few books, English cigarettes. You won't fiind those. There you go, sir. I'll come again tomorrow. Gentlemen, time to eat. Sir... So, gentlemen, what shall we begin with? Chicken, foie gras, or Captain Cook mackerel? You're well provisioned. Don't they feed us here? In theory, they do, but what they give us is inedible. Fortunately, we have our parcels, especially our friend Rosenthal's. Oh, please! A cognac to start with, sir? I've never eaten so well in my life. Some fish? I'm getting used to Rosenthal's kindness. Man is such an adaptable creature. You can see he's a professor... Profess her... Confess her... Address her... undress her... Oops, a slip! You're quite a joker! Is that supposed to be witty? He's hard to please! Let's drink to peace! Not bad, this cognac. Comes from Fouquet's in mouthwash bottles. Fouquet's? It's a bar on the Champs-Elysťes. When I went to Paris, I ate at my other-in-law's. It's cheaper. - Been to Paris lately? - Last week. Lucky man! Places crowded? Maxim's was packed. I never go to places like that... I prefer a nice little bar... with good wine. - Maxim's... don't know it either. - It's no great loss. We know you eat at your other-in-law's... He never lets up! Is he there, Mr. Monocle? No, he's not. I've just been to the canteen. It's about his armchair request... Let him tighten his belt! I'll tell him. He's nice, the guy with the parcels. Well off? And how! You know the Rosenthal bank? His parents. Am I tickling you? - And what's he do? - Runs a big fashion house. Funny. With his money, I wouldn't... What do you do in civilian life? I'm a engineer for the cadaster. Sure, the cadaster... just between us... can we trust your pal, the Captain? He may seem strange, but he's okay. You can trust him all right. - It's all right, then. - Why? You see, after dark... we're digging a tunnel. What for? To escape. What do you dig with? A coal shovel, old food cans... I calculate we should come up in a garden behind those buildings there. It's open country. That's slow work. We've been at it for two months. just a few more weeks... The war'll be over fiirst. You're deluding yourself. Think so? Best to be prepared. Where's the tunnel? You'll see tonight, after roll call. So you're digging a hole... Like Monte Cristo. What a laugh! - Thanks for the wash. - You can't do it with your arm. Mind if I ask you something? Go ahead. What's a cadaster? - Marťchal. - Present. - Boeldieu. - Captain de Boeldieu. - Cartier. - Here...we go again! Good night, Arthur! - Whose turn is it? - Cartier's. What's that for? For eathing. These are to extend the line. And the bags? For removing earth. This is the alarm. If I start to suffocate, I yank on the string... The can falls... And the boys pull me out by the feet... The feet... What are you waiting for? Watch me play the mole... mol-asses! Is the tunnel safe? It's shored up with wood from the theater. And the earth? Stuffed under the floorboards. But there's not an inch of space left. Now we fiill bags and empty them during exercise. Hear that? I'm sure I heard something. It's nothing. Listen... We'll send someone out to check. You've got an innocent face. Go take a peek outside. I'll pretend to go to the latrine. Say, Arthur, what happened? The fellow tried to escape. We caught him in the garden behind those buildings... We opened fire. Behind the buildings? - Is he dead? - I think so. And you, what are you doing out? Going to the latrine. - What was it? - Someone tried to escape. He got as far as the garden behind the buildings. A sentry shot him. He's dead. The alarm! - No answer. - Pull him out. Hurt bad? Drink some cognac. From Fouquet's. Here's mud in your eye. Don't drop the bottle. Who goes down tomorrow? You do, sir... if you don't mind. My pleasure. I understand crawling is fine exercise. I remind you it is strictly forbidden to receive non-military clothing. Good news? It's from my aunt in Bordeaux. People are swarming into town. What do you think? They'd better watch out, the Germans are claiming a major eakthrough. There's been no bell-ringing so it can't mean much. Up for some gardening? I hate the way German bulletins exaggerate. And our papers don't? Remember the Russian steamroller? Isn't it time we got down to serious business? Sure, but not all at once. And that famous General Winter, so lethal to the nasty Krauts but so tonic to the Allies... And do you remember Turpinite? A flask the size of... a radish that could blow up a whole battalion. They even tried it on a flock of sheep. Too bad they didn't stop at that. - What're you guys planting? - Dandelions. I'm dreaming of dandelion salad. The war'll be over before your dandelions grow. This singular exercise will give us workman's hands. The trunks are here! - The costumes? - At the theater. There should be a trunk with women's clothes. Coming, sir? My theatrical skills are questionable. Besides, I'm engaged. - Playing patience? - Exactly. I'm a realist. Find anything, Arthur? Nothing. Well, gentlemen, enjoy yourselves. Where will we put all this? I asked for hangers. Be careful... These things should be handled with care... with your eyes closed. Looks like a little girl's dress. Dresses are short now. just below the knee. So I hear. I'd love to see that! Then put it on. Not him, he never shaves. - You have an angel face, Maisonneuve. - Anything to amuse. We have to take inventory. The corset, too! Take it easy. It's not only the dresses. They wear their hair short, too. Short hair! It's like sleeping with a boy! When we're not around, women act foolish. I'm sure my wife hasn't cut her hair. That's for high-class floozies. How would you know, with that mug? - Shoes! - How small they are! Stockings. Stockings of sheerest silk! Hey, fellas, I'm ready! Let us dream a bit first. You'll only stifle our imagination. Look at that! Black stockings! Looks like a real girl! Funny, huh? Doesn't it look funny? Yeah, sure looks funny. Poor boys. Enjoy yourselves. Out there, children play soldier... In here, soldiers play like children. I wish I knew what's going on back home. - No news? - Nothing. I don't care what my missus is up to. I want out 'cause I'm bored stiff... bored! So you want to escape for the fun ofit. Right! For me, it's the spirit of contradiction. They won't let me fiight, so I'm dying to. I hate being here when others are biting the dust. For me it's simple. A golf course is for golf. A tennis court for tennis. A prison camp is for escaping. And you, Rosenthal, the sportsman... Him? He was born in Jerusalem. No, in Vienna. To a Danish mother and a Polish father, naturalized French. Old Celtic aristocracy! Yet for all your French roots, none of you owns an acre ofyour country. In 35 years, the Rosenthals have acquired three chateaux with hunting preserves, farms, orchards, warrens, stud farms, and 3 galleries of bona fiide ancestors. If that's not worth escaping to fight for! I'd never considered patriotism from such an unusual angle. With all those game preserves, your lackeys must really stuff themselves. I got into the war in a funny way. I became a soldier because I'm a vegetarian. That's right. My other and I had stomach ailments. The doctor warned us against eating meat. I turned vegetarian and got well. My other went on eating meat, got sick and was invalided out. Your citations show vegetarianism didn't interfere with duty. Or stop my wife from cheating on me. You have to admit it's stirring. I loathe fifes. Still, it gets to you. It's not the music that gets to you... It's the marching feet. Thanks to your dumb talk I ruined my pants... FORT DOUAUMONT TAKEN! What about our show? Do we still put it on? You bet we do! All the more reason. In fact we should invite the German Officers. Although I won't join in your artistic endeavors, Marťchal, let me congratulateyou... That's the spirit! Have you met Marguerite She's neither tall nor petite With eyes that glow, skin like snow And lips in a cupid's bow Well, when this divine creation Heard my ardent declaration She gave me a rose, tweaked my nose Saying, I'll give you joy I said, Thanks all the same But that's not why I came If you want to give me joy Marguerite, Marguerite If you want to give me joy Make me your loverboy 'Neath her window I waited And then I serenaded:: My soul's apyre since your eyes set my heart on fire! So this sweet and caring dame To put out my raging flame Did a bucket spill from her sill Asking, Is it burning still? I said, Thanks all the same But that's not why I came If you want to give me joy Marguerite, let me be your loverboy All together now! And now... direct from Paris! Get it, Arthur? Stop the show! Stop the show! Stop, fellas! We've retaken Douaumont! It's in the German papers. A little hole, to escape. GERMAN TROOPS RECAPTURE DOUAUMONT Isn't that awful? Can't be much left of it! Get off my back! I can't take it any more! I'm fed up! I want to see some light! It stinks of shit in here! Hear me? It stinks of shit! And I want to hear a voice. I want to hear a French voice. What was he yelling about? The war's too long. If my calculations are right, we should be under the garden wall in four days. That's a lot of dirt! Now that we may get away and reach home again, I'm afraid of what's waiting for me. There's more than one woman on earth! Not for me. That's why she cheats on you. One thing upsets me: leaving Marťchal behind. It weighs on me as well. In fact... it disturbs me. But that's war. No room for sentiment. Glad to seeyou, old man. We are, too. Wait until you hear why. You old dog! Got anything to eat? I'm hungry. Have a seat. Rosenthal's getting some grub ready. What time is it? 11 o'clock. Time's dragging today. Sure, but tonight it's aufwiedersehen! So, we meet in Amsterdam? I'm keen to see Holland, for the tulips. What about the cheese? Don'tyou like Dutch cheese? Sure, but they say the tulip fiields stretch for miles. You have the instincts of a shop girl. Assembly at three o'clock. All Officers are to change camps. Get your things ready. Gentlemen, I wish you a pleasant journey. I hope you will see your wives again soon. We ought to alert them. About the tunnel. Sir, there's a tunnel in Barrack 7. Open the window. It stinks in here! Sir, may I point out there are only two pairs of white gloves left. We can't get any gloves here. Try to make them last. Yes, sir... More coffee, sir? If you call this muck coffee, I have to accept it. At least it warms my insides. The list of new prisoners, sir. Three new officer POWs reporting, sir! Delighted to see you again, Boeldieu. But I'm sorry to see you here. We feel the same. Sit down, gentlemen. No, thank you, sir. As you wish. Captain de Boeldieu, four escape attempts: Through a heating duct, in a garbage bin, via the sewers, in a laundry basket. One must lower oneself, at times. I understand. Lieutenant Marťchal, five attempts at escape: Disguised as a chimney sweep... Correction, sir: heating engineer. Disguised as a German soldier, disguised as a woman. Amusing, very amusing. But less so when an NCO tried to pick me up. That I didn't like! Indeed? I assure you. Lieutenant Demolder, three attempts... Gentlemen, I respect your patriotism and courage. But the situation is completely different here. No one escapes from this fortress. You understand me, don't you? So as not to be accused of German barbarism, I have decided to apply French regulations. Look them over. They make good bedtime reading. And now, gentlemen, if you will follow me... Oswald! My coat. My soldiers aren't young, but they enjoy playing soldier. We have 25 more guns like this one. I suppose you know the Maxim gun? Very well, sir. But I prefer the restaurant. Touchť! 12th century. Excuse me, sir... Was this villa built specially for Captain de Boeldieu and myself? Are we your only boarders? Your comrades are back there. 1 3th century. A 1 20-foot drop. So kind of you to show us around the grounds. It's such a nice castle, sir. It's so old... And so cheerful. Sorry I can't give you a room to yourself. I'm touched, but I'd never have accepted. I hope our walk didn't weary you too much. Not at all, sir, we're fiine. - 14th century. - Pure Gothic. Ifyou don't mind, gentlemen... Your friend Lt. Rosenthal, from the Hallbach camp, is here. - Not old Rosenthal! - He wasn't any luckier. The commandant has put you all in the same room. That way you'll eat better. That's very nice of him. A mere formality. - I caught it with a unette. - Who can you trust? A friend of my mother's. Quite respectable. She did charity work. In good society it's usually the pox. Right, Boeldieu? The pox used to be our privilege. But we've lost it. Like so many others. Everything is popularized. Cancer and gout aren't working-class diseases, but they will be, believe me. How about intellectuals? With us it's tuberculosis. Here's Mr. Pindar. And the middle class? Liver and intestinal ailments... They eat too much. We'd each die ofour own class diseases, if war didn't make all germs equal. Your dictionaries are in myway. Excuse me, but Pindar has always been so badly translated. A lamentable oversight. I'm so sorry. Not that I care, but who's this guy Pindar? Go on,joke! But Pindar means more to me than anything... More than you, the war, my life! Pindar is the greatest Greek poet. The greatest Greek poet? You don't say... There! My map'sjust about finished. See... this is where we are... 16 miles above this bend in the Main River. To reach Switzerland above Lake Constance and avoid the Rhine, we'd have to travel... - 200 miles. - No kidding! That means walking 15 nights on 6 lumps of sugar and 2 biscuits a day. You and your map, you're as crazy as him and his Pindar. To escape... There! My picture's finished. Justice Pursuing Crime. It came out all right. Look, to reach this Constance place... Will it hold? It can hold 10 of you and 5 like me. They're searching the rooms! - Under the mattress, quick! - No, under mine! That won't do. It's childish. May I? Now there's an idea! A convenient little gutter. Here they are! Gentlemen... inspection. Louise wrote to I am as weary as a girl after 22 nights oflove. 22 nights oflove, imagine that! Continue! Not that corner! Give me your word that you've nothing in here against regulations. You have my word. But why my word and not theirs? The word of a... Rosenthal... and a Marťchal? It's as good as ours. Perhaps. No, not that! It's very rare. Poor old Pindar! They really are stupid. Everything go all right in here? - Not bad. - For us, too. And how is your cousin, Edmond de Boeldieu, the military attachť I met in Berlin? He's doing well. He's very happy. He lost an arm and married a rich woman. A truly fine career. Recognize her? Sit down. Let me tell you something... Believe me, my present functions revolt me as much as they do you. That's being harsh. I used to be a combatant. Now I'm a bureaucrat, a policeman. But it's the only way I can still appear to be serving my fatherland. I have burns all over... That explains my gloves. My spine is fractured in two places. A silver plate. In my kneecap, too. I owe these riches to the misfortunes ofwar. - May I ask you a question? - Of course. Why did you make an exception ofme by inviting me here? Because your name is Boeldieu, career offiicer in the French Army. And I am Rauffenstein, career offiicer in the German Imperial Army. But my comrades are Officers, as well. A Marťchal and a Rosenthal, Officers? They're fine soldiers. Charming legacy of the French Revolution. Neither you nor I can stop the march of time. Boeldieu... I don't know who will win this war, but whatever the outcome, it will mean the end of the Rauffensteins and the Boeldieus. We're no longer needed. Isn't that a pity? Perhaps. I admire the way you tend your geranium. Don't think I've become a botanist, but it's the only flower in the fortress. Nothing grows here but ivy and nettles. I'm glad I'm leaving with you. With us. Sure, I like Boeldieu, but... With him... I never really feel at ease. Different backgrounds... There's a wall between us. He's a terrifiic guy. Sure, and he's on the level, but... Suppose you and I were on the skids. We'd just be two bums. If it happened to him, he'd still be Monsieur de Boeldieu. Anyway, you've been terrifiic, too, feeding us with your parcels. That's all vanity. I'm really proud to come from a rich family. Inviting you to my table is myway ofshowing it. Most people think we're stingy. Wrong. We're often generous. Unfortunately, along with that quality, Jehovah gave us an overdose of pride. To hell with Jehovah! All I know is you've been a real pal. We've received a large crate, a gift from our Czarina. Please come and share it with us. From the Czarina? Must be caviar. - Coming, Boeldieu? They've got vodka. - Vodka? Lead on. Now we can pay you back for all your kindness. The Czarina is always good-hearted. Quite a lady, your Czarina. Think of what's in store! Principles ofAlge a... Elementary Ethics... Grammar... A cook book! Something to sink your teeth into! What a farce! Let's go before something happens. Goodbye, thanks anyway. - The Cossacks aren't happy! - Let's get out of here! You have no right to burn books! It's crazy sending us books! The sentries are busy with the Russians. It's a long drop here, but it's unguarded. If only we'd been ready! What a chance! - Especially at night! - We'll try again. It was kind ofthem to hold a rehearsal for us. Now we know if one man can divert them for 5 minutes, his comrades can escape. - Too risky! - You're exaggerating. It would amuse me. When do you want to go? Why us? You're in it, too. Why not? Don't you trust us? - That wouldn't stop me. - Well then? A plan like yours can only work with two men. And I know your preference. - It's not fair. - What's fair in war? We can't accept that. I'm not asking you... I'm telling you. The arts aren't forbidden here. You like music? So-so... I like a good waltz. I love the flute. Here's the program: We buy flutes for everyone. On the given day: concert in all the rooms at 5 p.m. That's when night falls. Five minutes later, they confiiscate our flutes. At 5:1 5, another concert with anything at hand: saucepans, animal noises, grinding teeth, whatever... assembly in the courtyard. Then what? That's my concern. You'll have fiive minutes... to clear the walls and reach the woods. Look, Boeldieu, I don't know how to put it, but I feel awful about this. - Come now! - Yes, awful. I'd like to say something... Pour some warm water over my gloves, will you? Whatever happens, I want you to know that... I'm not doing this for you personally. So we needn't get mawkish. Go on. But there are times in life... Let's avoid them, shall we? Excuse me... So you'll be wearing those? Any objections? No, but white gloves for this sort of thing, what an idea! To each his own style. You can't do anything like other people. We've been together eighteen months, and you still stand on ceremony. I'm the same with my mother and my wife. In that case... No thanks, English tobacco gives me a sore throat. No doubt about it: gloves, tobacco... We've got nothing in common. Say what you like, but where there are Germans, there is order. Sure, the old man is a bit mad with his flower pot and all... A good thing I'm here to keep those scoundrels in check. I was a teacher back home. Lieutenant, confiscate those damned flutes at once! I advise you not to start again! We'll do just that in 15 minutes. Order executed, sir. You see? It worked. Put them on ead and water for three days. And no parcels. Ready, boys... Two seconds... Assembly! I understand my students now. What a lark! While it lasts. Well... What? Goodbye. Boeldieu! De Boeldieu! Listen! I beg you! Come down! Lieutenants Marťchal and Rosenthal have escaped. So that's why. Search lights! Send out patrols with dogs! Alert all military and civil authorities! Report back to me every quarter hour! Your orders have been carried out, sir. No sign of the fugitives yet. Forgive me. I would have done the same. French or German, duty is duty. Are you in pain? I didn't think a bullet in the stomach hurt so much. I aimed at your legs. It was 500 feet, with poor visibility... Besides, I was running. Please, no excuses. I was clumsy. I'm not the one to be pitied. For me it will all be over... soon. But you'll have to carry on. Carry on a futile existence. For a commoner, dying in a war is a tragedy. But for you and me, it's a good way out. I missed my chance. You shouldn't be talking so much. Sir... We should've avoided the road. We couldn't sleep in the reeds. He's gone. Didn't you see it was a woman? - Let's get going. - Wait till dark. I'm freezing, I have to move. Want your sugar? There's not much left. And we've a long way to go. - What about you? - I ate mine, I was hungry. You keep it, so I won't be tempted. You poor thing... You ate your buttons, too? Does it show? So we're not waiting till dark? No, we'll skirt the village fiirst. Your foot hurt? It's nothing... a nerve. Let's go. You coming? You coming or what? I'm doing the best I can. You and your foot! It's not my fault! I slipped. You slipped! That's all I hear. If you get us caught, you'll explain you slipped? We're out offood. Might as well give up now. - Gladly. I've had enough too. - Had enough ofme? Damn right! If you only knew how you make me sick! Well, the feeling's mutual. You're a dead weight, a ball and chain. I never could stomach Jews! A bit late to realize that! Clear out, you're dying too. You said it! Get lost! I'm sick ofyour ugly mug! I'm going! You're on your own now! So long! So long! Go ahead! I'm so happy I could sing... There once was a little steamboat Which had ne-ne-nevergone to sea After five or six weeks at sea The supplies we real-al-almost gone for good... Why'd you come back? Come on. Let's go, fella. - Had enough? - It's okay. - Want to rest in that shed there? - Too risky. - I can't see any smoke. - Even so... When the ship's on fiire, you go overboard. Right. Overboard we go! Let's go, old man. - Someone's there. - The window! Run for it. I'll draw them off. Don't move! Keep quiet. Stay where you are! French... We're not thieves. Prisoners of war? You speak German? I sprained my foot. We're exhausted. We're not thieves. I'm not afraid. Go on, call the police. I won't walk another step! You sprained your foot? She says to come into the house. No, I don't trust her. She says she's alone here. She says her child's asleep, so don't make any noise. Come and sit down here. I'll be right back. Hungry? Yes. - She asked if you're hungry. - Yeah, I understood. What about you? I just want to sleep. Excuse me, but how far is WŲlfiisheim? Eight miles. I'd sooner stay here than slog up there! But duty's duty. Thanks and good night. Hush! My child's asleep! My husband. Killed at Verdun. My others... Killed at LiŤge... Charleroi... Tannenberg. Our biggest victories. The table's too big now. Relax, it's only me! You don't mind ifa Frenchman feeds you. You smell like my grandfather's cows. A good smell. You're a cow from WŁrtemberg and I'm a working man from Paris, but we can still be pals! You're a poor cow, I'm a poor soldier. We each do our best. You're a ight little girl. Mommy and I know everything. Really? Then how much milk does the cow give each month? Mommy knows that. I know I have ten fiingers. She asked for water. I know. For 18 months, I never understood the guards. But her I understand. - Nice, but it looks cheap. - I did my best. I was talking to Santa Claus. Joseph's got a nice beard! Here's the Virgin Mary. Isn't my little donkey cute? And my ox? And the infant Jesus... An ancestor of mine. Touchť! as poor Boeldieu would say. - Think he's dead? - Let's not talk about it. We're ready. Go get the kid. Hold on... The gramophone and the candles. Lights out! Lotte! Baby Jesus has come. I knew he would! Is it for me? I want little Jesus. To take to bed? No, to eat. He's not for eating. She wants to eat Baby Jesus! Strictly forbidden, my sweet! Then I'll eat Joseph. All right, but in bed. She wants Joseph? There you go. You're a good little girl. Your gramophone's on the blink. How do you say: Lotte has blue eyes? Go to sleep, pumpkin. I don't know how to thank you. Thank us? We owe you so much. Well... good night. I'll make some coffee. The coffee's ready. Say it in French. Have you told her we're leaving? Not yet. It's high time. You tell her. - We must be going. - I knew it. Marťchal couldn't bear to tell you. Why? I always knew he'd have to go. Come on in. There's hot coffee. You should eat something before you go. Do we wait until dark? Sure. Let's say good-bye to the cow. I've been alone too long. I've waited so long. If you knew how happy I've been to hear your footsteps around the house. Elsa... Listen. When war over... if me not dead... Understand? I... come back here... no? And you... after... come... with me... to France. With Lotte... no? For the journey. Go quickly. It's better that way. - Not looking back? - If I do, I might never leave. - Let's move. - We're not waiting till dark? We'd lose ourway. The woods will hide us. But in the valley, we'll have to stay low. You're sure that's Switzerland? - Positive. - It all looks the same. You can't see borders. They're man-made. Nature couldn't care less. I want to see an end to all this. Then I'd go back for Elsa. - You love her? - I think so. Even if we do make it, you'll go back to flying and me to gunning, we'll keep fighting. Like the fellas. We've got to end this damn war... and make it the last. Don't delude yourself. Let's come down to earth. What if we run into a patrol? We split up, and try our luck. just in case, let's say goodbye and see you soon. - So long, you dirty Jew. - So long, you old dog. Don't shoot! They're in Switzerland. Good for them!

DMITRY LESNEVSKY presents an ANDREY ZVyAGINTSEV film THE RETURN Sunday Let's jump, like we said! Use a ladder and you're stupid and a chicken. - Go on, Vityok. You're next. - Why me? - Scared? - Go on, go on... - It's scary! - Don't chicken out! Don't hurt your armpits! - Andrei, let's use the ladder. - You want to be called a chicken? What if something happens? Quiet! You jump after me, got it? - Did you hurt your armpits? - No. Come on, Shorty. Jump! Hey! What's wrong? If you're scared, climb down. We're not waiting! Wait! He's jumping! He just needs to focus! Vanya, jump! Come on! Andrei, let's go! It's already late! Jump or climb down! To hell with you then! Vanya, my son! Mum! Mummy! I told you not to come here! Oh Lord! - Get dressed. - I can't. - Let's go home! - I can't. - Why? - I have to jump. - I can't climb down. - Why? If I climb down, they'll call me stupid and a chicken. No one will know! Don't worry! But you'll know I climbed down instead of jumping. Don't be silly, I won't tell anyone. You can jump another time. - Really? - Of course. Mum, I was sitting here and I was scared. If you hadn't come, I'd have died. Don't be silly, dear! Really, I'm here with you! Monday Hello everyone! Hello! We don't talk to chickens. - What? Who's a chicken? - You! A stupid chicken. You're a chicken. aren't you? Go on, Andrei, what is he? A chicken. - Got it? - You're a jerk! - You ripped my shirt, arse! - You busted my lip, idiot. Mum'll kill you! Go on, catch me! Go on! Mum! He ripped my shirt! He's lying! He busted my lip! - Hush, both of you. - Mum... I said quiet! Dad's sleeping! Who? Who's sleeping? Your father. Go in. That's definitely him. Pour them some wine. Well, hello. Hello. Hello, Dad. Let's drink. Like it? Not really. I liked it. Can I have some more? That's enough. Eat. - Is that your car in the yard? - Yes. - Will you give us a ride? - Of course. - We're going on a trip. - Really? Really. Tomorrow morning. - Really, Mum? - Really, son. - Are we going fishing? - Of course, if you want. Shorty! Listen, Shorty! - What? - Did you put the sinkers in? Yes. Good. - You packed them yourself. - Right. Did you see how big he is? Probably works out. Probably. - Where did he come from? - He just came. - Aren't you happy? - Yes, I'm happy. But Mum said he's a pilot. Doesn't look like one. Why? Well, you know how pilots are. Uniforms, their caps... He's on holiday, why would he wear a uniform? Maybe. Did you pack the camera? Yes, and a notebook. What for? Homework? To keep a diary, stupid! We'll take turns. Yes, we can keep a diary! What's all this talk? Why aren't you sleeping? Alright, Mum. We'll sleep. What did you put in here, icks? - You'll be home in two days! - We need all that! Alright. Sleep. Where did he come from? He just came. Get to sleep, you're getting up early. Tuesday Ivan... - What? - What, Dad? What? You should say, What, Dad. What... Dad? That's better. What's the problem? Are you ashamed of calling your father Dad? - No... - Don't lie to me! I'm not lying! Call me Dad, like a son should! Got it? - Yes, Dad! - Well done, son. - Andrei, where are we? - Are you awake, Shorty? I thought you'd sleep the whole way! - You're the one who slept the whole way. - What? Are we there yet? I think another thirty kilometres. Yes. - Who's he ringing? - How should I know? - I'm hungry. - Hold on. The town's not far, we'll eat there. Dad said so. - Dad did? - Yes. But I'm hungry now! Ivan, get the flask from the rucksack. Not there, in the pocket! Thank you. Drinking and driving? - Yes, want some? - No. Don't take a picture of that rubbish! Take a picture of me. Hang on. Closed. - Dad, the cafe's closed. - I can see. Andrei, go find out where we can eat. - How? - Ask someone, stupid! Hurry, get moving! - Where's Andrei? - I'm hungry. He can find us, he's not a baby. Andrei! Come here! Closer! - What're you doing here? - Me? Yes, you. What are you doing here? Dad, I found a restaurant. - It took you 3 hours! - I just wanted to have a look. While we were waiting you're standing here wasting time? This won't happen again, right? - I just wanted... - Answer me! Right? I won't do it again, Dad. Good. Let's go eat. - lvan, let's go! - I'm not coming. - Why? - I am not hungry anymore. You said you were starving. It went away Ignore him, Dad. He's as stubborn as a mule. - You go eat, I'll wait here. - You're coming with us. Thank you. Ivan, you have two minutes to eat. I'm not hungry. Your time's running out. Eat that ead. It's dirty. Who do you think is going to eat it? Nobody. We'll just throw it away. You've got thirty seconds left. Eat your soup and ead. I'll be waiting in the car. Sit down and eat your ead and soup. Got it? Yes. Yes, Dad. Yes. Alright, sit down. - Is everyone happy and full? - Yes. Thanks, Dad. - Yes. - Good. Here, call the waitress over and pay. No, sit down and call her over! - But how? - With your mouth! Lady! Lady! Andrei! Excuse me. - Excuse me. - Just a moment. Wait for me outside! Hello? Hi, it's me. What was that fit about the food? Trying to be funny? Get lost. Did you see all this money? - So what? - Never mind. Alright, boys! - Got any money? - No. What if I find some? All right, then. Sergei, let's go! They stole the wallet! Get them. Can't you do it yourself? Wait for me here! I don't know how it happened. They just attacked us. If he finds them, he'll kill them! I would. Follow me! - Is it him? - He stole the money! - He's yours. - What do you mean? He hit you. Do what you want with him. - Please, don't! - Shut up! Go to it, he hit you. No, I don't want to! - lvan, he hit you too. Come on, son! - Let him go! - What was the money for? - I was hungry. Get out of here! You have no guts! - I wasn't ready. - You should always be ready. - What if I hadn't got the money back? - I don't know. - Why didn't you come out? - I was on the phone. Andrei, lvan, come here! Get your stuff. Don't forget the rods. Andrei, here's enough for two tickets home. There's your bus. - Why? - I've got business to do! - What about the waterfalls? - Next time! Next time... In another 12 years? What did you say? It will be another twelve years before you take us to the waterfalls again. Did I say something wrong? - Dad! - Go with your other. Go, go... - It must be about the money. - No, it's not. Then because you threw a fit in the restaurant. That's not why! - What then, ainy? - He couldn't care less about us. Only an idiot like you can't see it. - Who's an idiot? - You! You're a chicken! You're a dick! Get off! See what an idiot you are! What about your business? Are we going to the falls? I've got exactly three days to get somewhere for business. Then we'll go to the falls. Alright? Mum's expecting us tomorrow morning. Don't you want to spend three more days with your dad? Or wait another 12 years? What do you think? We wanted to fish. And Mum knows we're with you. So it's fine with me. Unanimous! Andrei, get in, we're off! I'm hungry! - Andrei, are you hungry? - No. Me neither. Wait for supper. I'm off to get one... - There're so much fish here! - There are loads! - Get me one! - Get it yourself. I dare you to ask me for something else. Here, eat this! What do I do with it? We could make fish soup. Do you know how? Yes, but I don't eat fish. - Why? - I've had too much fish. Where? Far away. Don't forget to put the fire out. Hey, geniuses! Who puts a tent up like this? Stretch it out! Andrei. - Andrei! - What? What did he say about fish? Where could that happen? In the North, maybe. Did you see how quiet he got when you asked him where? Why? Who knows? Maybe he wants to forget. - Why? - Why, why! How would I know? - He lies about everything! - He's not lying. Who knows where he's been. Why do you suck up to him? - Who sucks up? - You do! Dad this, Dad that. - He's a grownup. - So? Are we short of grownups? You believe every word he says. And who is he? He could be a gangster! He could slit our throats in the forest! - What? - You heard! You're stupid, Shorty. We'll see who's stupid when he gets his knife out. Go ahead and laugh. Ivan the fool is about to get slit! - What're you doing? - Little lvan's going to get slit! Knock it off! - Do you give up? - Get off! - Give up! - Don't you get it? How do I know he's our dad? Why do you believe him? Idiot! Mum said he's our father. Our father! Got it? Idiot! Shorty? Vanya! Are you crying? Get lost! You got these crazy ideas in your head. I want to go home. Let's go fishing tomorrow. Early in the morning, while he's asleep. They bite a lot at dawn! Okay, Vanya? Alright. Sleep then. What's that? The diary, it's your turn. Tomorrow, it's late now. Get the torch, we said every day! Nothing ever gets past you, does it? Just write! Wednesday Shorty, get the rods ready. To go where? - Further on. - Is that what Dad said? Yes, Dad said. Let's go! Why did we have to go? They just started biting. Leave that channel. I wasted all the bait. Turn it off. I saw a huge pike there! We could have tried the spinning rod. Andrei, check how much further to Beketovo. Who needs this Beketovo? There's great fishing here! Why are you complaining? We could have fished more, we're on holiday. Get out! Here, fish. So, are they biting? Here, get changed. Tell me why you came. What for? Why did you make us come? You don't need us! We were fine without you! With Mum and Granny! Why did you come? Why did you take us with you? What do you need us for? Answer me! - Mum asked me to spend time with you. - Mum did? - What about you? - I want to spend time with you too. Why? To taunt us? Get changed. Are we stuck, Dad? Alright, get out of the car. You can at least take your shoes off! What? Ivan, take your shoes off! Here, put your coat on! Cut some anches. Andrei, let's tell him that we're not going anywhere else! Let's make him take us back home! I don't want to. - How much longer? - One second. Put the anches under the wheels. I said under, not in front! But how? With your hands, with your hands! I'll show you once. - Got it? - Yes. Now, do the same with the other wheel. What are you doing now? What? Why don't you just do it yourself! Stand behind and push! Push. On the count of three. One, two, three, push. Got it? Got it! Had enough? Go and steer. Throttle on the right, clutch on the left. I know. Do it! Good work, Andrei! Move it. Ivan, get in! Thursday Dad, what is this place? Where are we? - Is there anyone here? - No. Just us. - What are we doing here? - Nothing. - We're going to an island. - An island? Which one? That one? No, another one. Get out. Wind it up tight, so it won't rock. Found it? Good, put it on the fire. - Dad, what's next? - We'll tar boat and set sail. - Will it take a long time? - Yes. Andrei, spread it better so there are no gaps. That seam there. Let the boat down to the water. Put the things in. Start rowing! What are you staring at? Row! - Where to? - Straight ahead. Ivan, keep the bow towards the wave, blockhead! I can't! Row on my command! Oars up! I said oars up! Row! Heave! Heave! That's it, Andrei! Heave, heave! - I can't go on! - Yes, you can! You row, you're stronger! Heave, heave! We're here. - Did you hang your wet clothes up? - Of course, Dad. Hold your eath and drink. - Drink! - I don't want to. Drink! Wash it down. What, Dad? Go to sleep. How are you, Shorty? If he touches me again, I'll kill him. Damn, it's soaking wet! - Are you serious? - What? - About killing him? - If he touches me, I will. I see. Friday - Where did you get that? - From the tent. - Is he sleeping? - He's not there. Where is he? - Did you steal that? - Yes. - Put it back now! - No, I want it with me. Why? - What if he notices his knife's gone? - I don't care. I didn't do it, he lost it. - You won't tell him, will you? - Of course not. Then what's the problem? I saw a fish jumping by the shore. It was this big! We need worms though. That one won't go for ead. Don't ing the knife. Not now, later. No, I want to have it with me. Let's go, sleepy-heads! I'll show you the island. - What about eakfast? - You can have it later. Let's go! - lvan, what's wrong? - My leg hurts. Your leg? It probably fell asleep, let's go. My leg hurts! If it doesn't go away you can come back. Follow me, kids! Now you'll see. - Well, are you coming up? - Go on, go on... Are you scared? My leg hurts. - Give me your hand. Where's lvan? - He didn't come. He's scared of heights, Dad. Cool! Come here! Look over there! Wow! Andrei, get down, quickly! Do you know this joke? A guy rings: Hello, is that the missile base? You got the wrong number. No, you're the one who got the wrong number, dear! Another one. A guy is riding a camel... Okay, that's enough. Thanks for the company. Andrei and I will get some wood, you wash dishes, lvan. - Why do I have to wash up? - Last one cleans up. Not bad, for the first time. You know... your bowl sank. Sank? A wave carried it away. A wave? How am I supposed to eat now? I didn't do it on purpose. Alright, I'll show you how to make a bowl from wood. - I won't be able to. - I'll teach you. - Now what's wrong? - Nothing. Look after yourselves for a bit. - Where are you going, Dad? - For a walk. We need worms. The fish here won't go for ead. Find some. Easier said than done... It's all sand round here! - Why did he take the rucksack? - Maybe to pick mushrooms. Why don't we go into the forest to get some worms? - It's too far. - But we need the worms. Then let's go. Bring a jar. - Will this do? - It will do fine! - Is this really an island? - Yes, I'm telling you it is. I was up on the tower, there is water all around. - No one else is here? - Looks that way. - It's probably 100 years old. - Probably. - Andrei, where are you? - I'm coming. Come here. - Look. - How did this pit get here? Who cares, it's full of worms! Where's the jar? The fish will be begging for these worms. - Shall we cast from the shore? - No, from the boat. Wait, we have to get Dad's permission. - Vanya! - Why? Can't we row on our own? Come on, push. - Where are you going? Get back here! - We won't go far. Dad, we won't be long! Here, be back in an hour. - At 3:30. We have to leave. - Got it, Dad. Come on, sit down. Be back here in an hour! - And stay where I can see you. - Got it, Dad. Got it, Dad! You're asking for it, Shorty! I'm warning you! Shorty, let's go. It's already three o'clock. Dad said to be back in half an hour. I'll just cast a couple more times. There's no point. They're not biting today. Andrei, let's go a little further. - Dad said to go back! - Will you stop nagging? Just a bit further then we'll go back. Alright, come on then. Andrei! Come here! Hurry! What's wrong? I saw a huge fish there! Where? - Andrei, run and get the rod! - Why me? - Hurry! - Shit! What'll we tell dad? That we caught a fish but it wasn't your idea. - Look what we caught! - Andrei, what time is it? - What? - What time does your watch say? Seven o'clock, Dad... - When were you supposed to be back? - At half past three... Did you see this fish? I'm not talking to you. Why were you late? Well, you see... What are you doing? - Did you hear me calling you? - No! Don't even think about hitting me! Let me explain, the fish... - Why did I give you the watch? - So, I'd have the time. - And what happened? - We caught a fish! Don't touch him, it was me! We found a ship! Daddy, it's true! It was lvan. But you had the watch! What do you want from me? You're a coward, scum! Kill me then, just kill me! You're a bastard! I hate you! - Kill you? - Yes! - Kill you? - Yes! Stop! Touch him and I'll kill you! - You'll kill me? - Get back! Get back! Don't move! If you weren't so evil I could love you like a father! I hate you! Don't even think about hurting us! You're no one! - You're wrong, son... - No, no, no! Ivan! Stay here! Ivan! Ivan! Dad! Ivan, wait for me. Stop, lvan! Go away! I hate you! Son, open up! Let me in! - What do you want, go away! - Son, please. If you don't leave, I'll jump! Hear that, I'll jump! - Don't move, wait for me. - Did you hear me, I'll jump! I can do it! I can! You hear, I can! Did you hear me? Hear that? I can do anything! Asshole, I can do it! Vanya, son... Andrei... He's dead. We have to take him away. Where to? The boat. How? With your hands! What are you looking at? Take him by his legs. I can't. Come here. We'll drag him by his arms. - Get the axe. - What for? I said get the axe, idiot! I can't, Andrei. Hang on, we can rest a little. - It's the wrong way, Andrei. - It's the right way. We're lost, I'm telling you. Get up, let's go. Andrei! What? What should we do? His eyes are open. Get up, let's go. Saturday Let's load everything in. - What was that? - I don't know. We hit a stone. Let's take the stuff to the car. Wait. We'll put him inside. Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Look! Hide it. - Andrei, my feet are wet. - Take your shoes off. Director Andrey Zvyagintsev Producer Dmitry Lesnevsky Camera Mikhail Kritchman Screenplay Vladimir Moiseenko Alexander Novototsky Andrei - Vladimir Garin lvan - lvan Do onravov Father - Konstantin Lavronenko Mother - Natalia Vdovina Music Andrey Dergatchev Sound Andrey Khudyakov Art Director Janna Pakhomova Make-up Galya Ponomareva Costumes Anna Barthuly Photography Vladimir Mishukov Editor Vladimir Mogilevsky Executive producer Elena Kovaleva Casting Geta Bagdasarova Galina Dovgal

So he wants to cut it off, just like that? - He doesn't think you can handle it. - The arrangements have been concluded. I gave them my word because he gave me his word. - So you tell me why. - Hey, you know why. You're not strong any more. You lost control. Now, you tell him this: nothing has changed. We've had a few setbacks. That's to be expected in any business. But I am still in charge, and I am still strong. Make no mistake. You tell him he had better keep his word. Tell him the 25th, as agreed. I’ll send him a sign, a little demonstration, to prove that I’m still strong. - Good afternoon, Mr Douvier. - Good afternoon, Simone. - Any calls? - On your desk. - What's this ''Dr Herb called''? - Your yearly checkup. Tuesday at 4.30. - Is New York gonna call back? - Mm-hm. Between five and six. - Everybody else here? - Yes, in the boardroom. Well, l don't think we should keep them waiting any longer. - Will l see you tonight? - Of course, Miss Legree. Gentlemen, we have a problem. The Gannet transaction is in jeopardy because New York feels l no longer have the power to control the situation. So l have sent word that l will give them a demonstration, a sign, to show that l am still in control. That France is still a viable territory. What I want from you are suggestions. - I have an idea. - All right. Would you ask your secretary to ing in the morning paper? - Bring in the morning paper, please. - Right away, sir. Who's the most important man in France? Present company excluded, of course. Thank you, Miss Legree. The president, I suppose. No, for our purpose. A man New York knows better than the president of France. A man with which our entire world organisation is familiar, and would like nothing better than to see him out of the way. Who? Who has given us nothing but trouble for the past ten years? Who has survived 16 assassination attempts, including two by his own boss? Clouseau. You want to impress New York? Eliminate Clouseau. We'll have every cop in France down on our necks. Not if we do it smart. There is a rumour that he is really a complete imbecile. - I’ve heard that. - Yet he continues to survive. I have it on good authority that he is anything but an imbecile. That he only plays the fool. In any case, it is too dangerous. Can you do it smart? Yes. Then do it. ( tenor sings on scratchy record) Balls? Inspector Clouseau! My dear Chief Inspector Clouseau! How we have missed you! How we have missed you! Your disguise is ready for the final fitting. I think you'll be very pleased. Cunny! Quick, quick! Inspector Clouseau is here! - You have some very interesting noses... - l will model them for you! Get on with it, get on with it! l will ing you one right away. There were some on the left there. Ah, the final fitting. I call this one ''Wino and Roses''. Magnificent. Even though l say so myself, this is no small feat. Now you can work the Left Bank and Montmartre with anonymity. Yes, the old anonymity ploy. That's it! That's it! You can do it, Inspector! - Chief Inspector. - You can walk, Chief Inspector! You can walk! Yes! Yes! You are a genius, Balls! l can! l can walk! Thank heavens For little girls They keep on getting smaller every day Thank heavens For little girls They grow down in a most pecu... Yes? A special delivery. Thank you. I’m sorry, I’m a little short. Forget it. (car engine starts) (car speeds off) Special delivery. A beum. Were you expecting one? A beum?! Aaaaagh! (phone) Yes? What?! - Right. - What's the matter? The bomb destroyed half the block, and Clouseau survived. I am certain, sir, that the beum was intended for me. - Beum? - What? - You said ''beum''. - Yes, yes. Fortunately Professor Balls took refuge behind a shipment of inflatable goitres which cushioned the explosion. - Inflatable goitres? - Yes. His Valentine's Day collection. (coughs) - It's amazing that you survived. - Yes, sir. I must apprehend this mad beumer before he does any more of the damage. - Or she. - Or she? A man dressed as a woman. Four armed robberies in three weeks. Two victims were assaulted, and grappled with the robber. Both victims said the robber was much too strong to be a woman. Three years ago, we sent to prison a man named Claude Russo. Russo committed robberies disguised as a woman. Well, sir, l must be off to apprehend this... this mad beumer now. Remember, it just could be Russo. Yes. It just could be Russo, yes. - Yes, l just said that. - Yes, I know that. Yes, sir. Well, sir, until we meet again, and the case is solved. Au revoir, Hercule. Fire! (alarm bell) You may not have seen these gentlemen before, but they have worked for you. And needless to say, they are specialists, the best in France. And you expect them to take care of Clouseau? Oh, no. They've been contracted to eliminate Mr Chong. Who the hell is Mr Chong? Mr Chong? Mr Chong was recommended by Hong Kong. Gentlemen, fulfil your contract. (click) (sneezes) Why don't you get out of those wet clothes? You could catch pneumonia. Yes, I know that. I will do as soon as I get home, provided that idiot Cato does not attack me first. - Why don't you just tell him not to? - Believe me, it's not that easy. l have given him instructions to attack me wherever and whenever possible, and it has now become a matter of pride with him to try to outsmart me. l guarantee that at this very minute, his fiendish little yellow ain is plotting some new ambush. (sneezes) - Gesundheit. - Yes, I know that, I know that. Cato? Cato?! Cato?! (plays discordant notes) Pay attention! This is your employer speaking! I am cancelling the attack orders for tonight! You understand? I know that I told you to show no mercy, and to attack, and to pay no attention to what I say! But tonight... (karate yell) But tonight, I am ordering you to pay attention! You will not attack, Cato! (blows bugle) Shut up that row! I am trying to save my life, madam! Obviously the little yellow swine is not paying attention. (feeble karate yell) Aaagh-ha! (sawing) (imitates sawing) It’s a very substantial building. We're doing a great deal to it. I’m sure you'll find it very peaceful, and quite delightful. (Cato yells) A-ha! Ha-ha! (cone) Swine! Chief Inspector Clouseau's residence. - (Douvier) Clouseau? - One moment, please. For you. (woman shrieks) What on earth is going on? Excuse me, madame and messieurs. - I beg your pardon. I am so sorry. - It’s still for you, Inspector. Chief Inspector. Pardon me, I am needed on the telephone. Hello? This is Chief Inspector Clouseau speaking on the phone. Now listen to me carefully, Clouseau. lf you wanna catch the French Connection meet me tonight at 11 o'clock, in the Bois de Boulogne, near the Grande Cascade. - And come alone. - (click) That's so obvious. He's bound to think it's a trap. Yes, or it's so obvious that he's bound to think it can't be a trap. It’s so obvious, it's bound to be a trap. That is why you will never be a great detective, Cato. It’s so obvious, it could not possibly be a trap. Now, Cato, warm up the Silver Hornet. Cato, l very much suspect that the Hornet is overdue for a service. So if you don't mind, I’ll use your car tonight. (sounds horn) He's driving a white Peugeot. Licence number is... By any chance, are you going to Fontainebleau? - Well, l... - Wonderful! How lucky can a girl get? You're an absolute darling. - It’s green. - It is? The traffic light. Oh! Generally speaking, it's dangerous for a beautiful girl like you to hitchhike at night. That's because, generally speaking, beautiful girls like me don't carry guns. Yes, yes. Are you saying that you carry a gun? Mm-hm. I’ve got it in here somewhere. It’s not very big. - Watch it. It might go off. - Only if you don't do exactly what I say. Listen, Miss, uh... - Russo. - Russo? (male voice) But you can call me Claude. - ''Claude''? - Pull off the road. The old ''pull off the road'' ploy, eh? Yes. Then we will see how you do with the old ''take off all your clothes'' ploy. lf you don't want to freeze to death, you'd better put on the dress. - Never! - Suit yourself. But the dress is an original Dior, and you've got sensational legs. (blows kiss) (whistles) (phone) (man) Merde! Yes? Oh... Good. Thank you. - Why don't you take it off the hook? - Won't be necessary, my dear. The great Inspector Clouseau will not be bothering us any more. Hello, boys! Oh! Am I glad to see you! And we are certainly glad to see you. Hey, hey, hey! Wait a moment! Wait a moment! I am Chief Inspector Clouseau of the Sűreté! - And I am Officer Bardot. - ''Bardot''? But you can call me Brigitte. Brigitte! You are making an understandable mistake. Don't let my legs fool you. I’m really a man. (solemn drum roll) (man) The palace flag is lowered to half-mast. The president has declared a day of national mourning. Only a few hours ago, the great detective stood in this very courtyard, and was decorated by the president for outstanding service to his country. According to the coroner's report, Chief Inspector Clouseau was probably dead before his car hit the telephone pole and burst into flames. The president called me at six o'clock this morning. A dozen countries have offered the services of their finest detectives, but the president made it painfully clear that this must be solved by Frenchmen, and quickly. - Or we can all hand in our resignations. - l spoke with Dr Laprone at the hospital. He assures me that Dreyfus is completely cured. It’s amazing. I’ve seen some lunatics in my time, but they were all pikers compared to Dreyfus. - He was like a wild animal! - Didn't he actually bite you? Oh, yes. On the leg. l had to take rabies shots, just in case. The doctor swears his recovery is complete. He said that in the last 12 hours, Dreyfus has literally become a new man. Thank God for that, because we need him. lf anyone knows about Clouseau and who might have murdered him, that man is former Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus. Isn't it fantastic, Doctor? Reinstated at my former rank, with no loss of pay or social benefits. Yes. It could actually be called a psychic rebirth. I’m in your debt. l shall be eternally grateful. l only helped. l led the way. But in the final analysis, it was your victory, Charles. Our victory, Paul. (laughs) But only at the expense of another. Huh? Oh, Clouseau, you mean. It could be said that he died so that you might live. - l wish l could feel sorry. - You feel no guilt? None. To be honest, when l first heard he was dead, there were a few moments when l was actually convinced l was in a state of grace. (laughs) - Is that wrong? - It isn't a matter of right or wrong. Look, l hated him. He literally drove me out of my mind, as you know. Isn’t it natural that l should feel happiness, even joy, at the thought of him being dead, out of the way, and gone for ever? Natural, yes. But there is a danger that such feelings might promote guilt. Clouseau would come back and haunt you. - I have no guilt. - Not now. Not ever. Clouseau is gone, and I am free, for ever. - Now, have a cigar. - Thank you, Charles. I’ve made the arrangements for your release. The Sűreté is sending a car for you to be picked up at 5.30. Remember, you're on probation for 12 months. lf you have any problems, call on me immediately. Thank you, Paul. Officer, you are making a most serious mistake. Release me immediately, or l will personally see to it you are transferred to Martinique, and spend the rest of your career writing traffic citations and checking parking meters. The man who was killed in that car, my car - uh, Cato's car - was not me. He was wearing my clothes. These are his clothes. I am Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau. Miss or Mrs? You fool! The president himself, when he decorated me, said: ''Clouseau, you are a man of courage.'' He called me the greatest detective in all of France! You charlatan! Impostor! All right. Calm down, Mr Poirot. - Poirot? - Yes! Yes, but you can call me Hercule. And l am the greatest detective in all of France, the greatest in all the world. (blows raspberry) That man is obviously crazy. Uh-uh. We do not use that word round here. Oh? What do you normally use round here? - Now, now. - He is very ''now, now'', l can tell you that. Court order. l shall need your signature on the transfer document. 90 days' comprehensive - thank you - psychiatric examination. Hey! Peekaboo? Your car's at the entrance, Inspector. Goodbye, Chief Inspector Dreyfus. - Good evening, Chief Inspector Dreyfus. - (gruffly) Good evening, François. It’s good to have you back on the job, Chief Inspector. Is it true that you will take charge of the Clouseau investigation? - Yes, yes. - You must feel torn. On the one hand, it is your duty to send the guilty parties to the guillotine. On the other hand... (laughs) I am sure you'd rather congratulate them, eh? Can you imagine? A state funeral for that idiot? The president. Dignitaries from all over the world will be coming. Why, there's a rumour the Pope might even show up. The Peup? - ''Peup''? - What? You said ''Peup''. - Do you have a cold? - Oh, yes. Yes, I have. I have the cold in the chest, you know. You sound terrible. Do you want me to send you a doctor? No, no. It’s much better than it sounds. Anyway, I want to go directly to the Clouseau apartments to commence the search for the clues. Yes, sir. - Is this the Clouseau residence? - Yes. This is also the residence of the Clouseau manservant, Cato Fong? Yes. Then be so good as to tell him that l wish to have speaks with him, would you? And who should l say ''wish to have speaks'' with Mr Fong? Tell him it is an old friend. Mr Fong has many old friends. Listen, you. Tell him it is Chief Inspector... Clouseau. Why didn't you say so in the first place? Please come in. Good evening. - And congratulations. - What? You are our first Caucasian, and that entitles you to a 10ş/ discount until midnight. - Who are you? - Mrs Wu. But you can call me Madam. (doorbell) - Yes? - Inspector Clouseau. Oh! Please come in. - Madam. - Welcome. - Good evening. - Please, make yourself at home. That man just called himself Inspector Clouseau. It was Mr Fong's idea, but personally, I think we should have a better password. Password?! Madam, l demand to know exactly what is going on in here. Well, just about anything your little heart desires. But first, why don't you relax? Give Benson your hat and your coat, have a drink, get to know the girls. And then, when you are up to it, you can choose from a wide variety of exciting little diversions. But I see that you already have a preference. Allow me to introduce Tanya, the Lotus Eater. What else does she do? l warn you, Tanya the Easter Lotus, I am opposed to the women's libs. Man is the master, and women's place is in the home. - (whip swishes) - Ooh! Ow! And another round-eye bites the dust. - (whip) - Aagh! Aaaow! Cato! Aaagh! Ooh! Take your hands off me, you oriental fool! You are under arrest! - Anything you say will be taken down... - Arrest?! You have the right to remain silent, but let me tell you this: I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite. - Say no more! - What was that talk about arresting us? - He was just kidding, weren't you, boss? - Boss? l used to work for him. He used to be a cop. - A cop?! - Tell them you were kidding, boss. Yes, he is right. l was just kidding. Cross my heart and... hope to meet you again sometime. And you, Madam. And you, too. You two should be ashamed of yourselves. And you! I want to talk to you, Cato! - Here. Come in here. Listen now. - Please, boss! l thought you were dead! So, as a tribute to my memory, you open up this... Chinese nooky factory! l had to do something to keep busy. Besides, a first-rate joint like this can make as much as three, four hundred thousand a year! - Is that net? - No, gross. But even so, a smart operator can clear a coupla hundred grand, and that ain't exactly chicken feed. No. No, and ten years on Devil's Island ain't exactly the chicken's feed either, my greedy little yellow pimp. Ow! I’ll have to close up anyway, now that you're alive. Yes. Yes, normally that is precisely what you would have to do. But these are not normal times, Cato. - Someone has just tried to kill me. - That's normal. Ah, but this time that someone thinks he has succeeded. Except for you and me, the whole world believes that I am dead. And in this case, death has its advantages. No one will know it is me as I glide... (coughs) through the underworld like a shadow. - Good evening, Commissioner. - Charles! (laughs) I, uh... Thank you. I’m sorry to be late, but as you must have heard, a lunatic was hiding in my closet. Yes. Russo. Russo? Russo... - Ah! - You remember? Why wouldn't I? It was only three years ago. Of course. Claude Russo. Alias Claudine Russo. Armed robbery, dressed as a woman. But he got five years. He was released on parole three months ago. So it could have been Russo. He's clever. - Clever enough to fool François? - Huh! l like François, but fooling him no longer constitutes an act of more than average cleverness, shall we say? l always thought he was rather a good policeman. When he was my assistant, he was a very good policeman, with a ight future. - But then he was assigned to Clouseau. - Oh, now, now, Charles. - All that's in the past. - Yes, of course. Tomorrow morning, when they plant him six feet deep and shovel in the dirt... (laughs) l shall be truly free. And unless he's figured out a way to come back from the dead, nothing anyone does or says about him will ever make any difference again. - Shall we do some work? - That reminds me. - What is it? - The chief wants you to give the eulogy. - The what? - The tribute. - Me?! - You knew him intimately. l hated him intimately. But you're the expert who's going to track down his murderers. I’m the expert who would love to kiss his murderers! The PR people loved the angle. It’s sacrilege! l won't do it. Politics. No. I’m a good Catholic. - So's the chief's wife. - I don't care. What's she got to do with it? She wrote the speech. Ladies and gentlemen, honoured guests, dear friends. (clears throat) We are gathered here to say... goodbye to a, uh... a great man. (stifles laugh) (coughs) Not only was he a model police officer, a illiant detective, admired and respected by his fellow officers, and all those who were fortunate enough... enough... enough to know him. He was, above all else, a modest man. His kind will not pass this way again, and our loss is surely... heaven's gain. Present arms! Fire! Fire! Fire! - Get rid of that woman. - We'll talk about it later. I want your answer now, or I sue for divorce. - I’m warning you, Therese. - What will you do? Have me killed? (priest prays in Latin) Gentlemen... you will be relieved to know that our friend in New York was very impressed by our little demonstration. It was a good idea, Guy. - The Gannet transaction is on again. - The same delivery date? - Unless there's something l don't know. - l spoke to Hong Kong. - They say the Gannet's right on schedule. - Good. That means this time next week we can declare ourselves a very healthy dividend, letting our international colleagues know the French Connection's back in business. I’ll be at the farm, and I do not want to be contacted except in extreme emergency. Meeting adjourned. Guy? - Stick around, will you? l might need you. - Right. Miss Legree, would you come in here for a moment, please? Well, now, what's wrong with you? - We have to stop seeing each other. - Your wife? - Mm-hm. - That witch. OK, how long this time? - I’m afraid this time permanently. - Permanently? - Permanently? Permanently?! - She gave me an ultimatum. - You're saying you have no choice? - I haven't. - You have too. Get rid of her! - My own wife? - Get rid of her! Why can't you? - She's got enough evidence to ruin me. If anything happens to her, her attorney will give it to the authorities! - Then get rid of the authorities! - Who do you think I am? - Get rid of her attorney! - Get rid of her attorney?! - I couldn't afford the scandal. - Scandal? I’ll show you scandal. It’s not that I love her. You know I don't. I just need her respectability. - Permanently? - Yes. You mean six years together, just washed up, just over with? - I’m afraid so. I’m sorry. - That's just wonderful. - I’m afraid so. I’m sorry. - That's just wonderful. And you obviously can't go on being my secretary. I have deposited a substantial amount of money in your bank account... I don't want your money! I don't know what I want. But I’ll think of something! (muttering) - Leaving early, Miss Legree? - Later than you think, Mr Algo. Something you want me to do? Not unless she decides to be indiscreet. If you have to, just be sure you make it look like an accident. (Clouseau) Ahoy! Lower the kipper! Hello there in the fog! Don't worry. It’s only an old salty Swedish sea dog out there from the salty seas, you know. - (dog barks) - Pumping the air in the parrot in. Naughty bird afraid of the fog. Swine leg! Hello, Inspector. Chief Inspector. I’m working under the covers. No one must suspect a thing. (speaks mock Swedish) What do you have of special interest to my secret investigations? There's something big going down at Le Club Foot. Le Club Foot? Remarkable. Keep your... (mutters in mock Swedish) Keep your eyes and ears peeled and keep in constant contact. I am extremely grateful for this excellent piece of information. Thar she blows! Once again, l thank you for this most useful tip, and if there is anything I can ever do to repay you... Now that you mention it, Chief Inspector... Oh... You mean the line in the hand? All the dark strangers coming. (mock Swedish) Sixteen chests on the dead man's rum Yo ho ho and a bottle of the chest Drink to the devils and down with the rums Aaargh! (splash) Gimme some more. Yeah, gimme some more. All right! Whoo! Come on! Yeah! It’s started! Move 'em out Move 'em out If you mess around with women, boy, you'll wanna fix the trimmin' Move 'em out Move 'em out Better listen to me, cousin... She's coming in now. Move 'em out Move 'em out, move 'em out - Whoo! Bonsoir, Vic. - How you doin', Simone? Mr Toledo, Mr Vancouver. - Vic, you can show us to my usual table. - How about something nearer the floor? No, thank you. I want my usual table. - Is something wrong? - It is Mr Douvier's table, ain't it, love? No, love, but if you're worried about Mr Douvier, why don't you give him a call? - l wouldn't want you to get in trouble. - He ain't my boss. Then why do you pay him all that money every month? - That ain't cool, baby. - You ain't seen nothin' yet. Come on. Listen to me, cousin, I’ve got stories by the dozen Move 'em out Move 'em out, move 'em out - Where are we going? - We don't want to be obvious. We'll make our entrance through the back way in disguise, as l told you, you fool. (rings bell) - (clattering) - (cat yowls) ( funk) Get up here. Get up here! - It’s a bakery. - I know that. I know that. Come on. At least you're not yellow any more. This time I’m going to stand on your shoulders. What good would that do? Because I’m taller than you are, you fool. - Oh, yeah. - Make a cradle. Get rid of that. I can't reach it. You'll have to find something to stand on. Argh! Aaargh! Whoo! Yes! All right! Let me see ya, baby! Come on! Do it, baby! (shrieks) Wait! Let me go! - (Cato) Can you reach it? - Yes. Merde! - Hey! Are you OK? - No! You know something? You're terrific. You're terrific! You saved my life! Come on with me now. I wanna save your life. - Let's go. Come on. - Oh, God. Come on, before the killers see us. - What killers? - I’ll tell you at my apartment. - What apartment? - My apartment. Oh! My God! Mine too. I’m soaked to the skin. Yes. Yes, l have received considerable soak also. You'd better get out of those wet clothes before you catch pneumonia. What shall l do with my coat? I don't want to spoil your... Just put it down anywhere. Put it on the floor. That's fine. Help yourself. I’m gonna change. I’ll ing you a robe. I’m gonna put on some music. - You know, it's strange. - What? I say it's strange. Yes, I know. And l said ''What?'' - Oh, you mean ''What is strange?'' - Yes. Yes, yes. It’s strange that l have never yet set foot in this building, but I have the distinct impression that I have been here before. Déjŕ vu. I have it all the time. - Oh. The old déjŕ vu. Thank you. - You're welcome. - You OK? - Yes. Ah! That feels good. That won't do you much good if you don't take your pants off. - What? - You gotta take your pants off. Look at me. Look, I’m shaking like a leaf. I can't stop shaking. I don't know... Oh, I know what it is. I’m just not used to being killed. That's my first time, you know? I know. But listen. When you have been killed as many times as I have, you get used to it, believe me. - Really? - Yes. Oh, yes, yes. Yes indeed. I’ll put this here, keep it nice and warm. - Cheers. - Cheers. - Oh. This is for you. - Oh, yes. Yes, of course. - Then this must be yours. - Thank you. Cheers. Cheers. Yes. Anyway... you have nothing to fear. - Yes, I have. - No, you don't. - Yes, I have. - No, you don't. - I have. - No. You see, I am an officer of the Ieu. - The Ieu? - What? You said you were an officer of the Ieu? That is correct. Yes, yes. I am a chief inspector of the Sűreté. What? You doubt me. No, I don't doubt you. - Why should l doubt you? - That's right. lf you say so, l don't. Who were those two men who tried to kill you? - Killers. - Killers? How do you know? - I know because I worked for Douvier. - Douvier? I know that name. Everyone in France knows it. He's a millionaire businessman. Of course. Douvier the millionaire businessman. l knew l knew it. But how many people do you think know that Douvier the millionaire businessman is also Douvier the French Connection? Hm? How many? Well, I suppose his mother, for one. Why do you suppose he wanted to have me killed? Elementary. He wanted you dead. Oh! It’s nothing. Just a slight singe. - I’m sorry about your robe. - Oh, that's all right. Tell me about this Douvier. I was his mistress and his private secretary for two years. I know enough about Philippe to send him to prison for his whole life. You keep talking about this Douvier. But Philippe... Who is Philippe? - Philippe Douvier. - His son? Whose son? He has no son. - His other, then. - His name's Fred. - Then it has to be his father. - He's dead. Now we're getting somewhere. Who killed him? - He died of natural causes. - Then who is this Philippe?! I wanna see some identification. Right now. - What? - Now. I wanna see some identification. lf you're not a policeman then l shouldn't be telling you any of these things. - Can you keep a secret? - I don't know. That depends. Then ace yourself for what l am about to tell you. I am none other... than Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau. No, you're not. - Yes, I am. - No, you're not. - I am. - You're not. - I am. - You're not. You are not! Look. Yes, you are. Oh, my God. I admit it's not a very good photograph, but... But l saw your funeral on television. Yes. Even the Peup was there, you know. - Cheers. - Cheers. But if you're not dead, who's dead? A wandering transvestite took my car and stole my clothes at gunpoint. I have been working under the covers tracking the killer. - The killer's Douvier. - What? He wanted to impress the Godfather. You mean Douvier killed a wandering transvestite just to impress his godfather? - Yes! - (rattling) - The man's unthinkable! - (whispers) The door. - What's wrong with it? - l saw the knob turn. (gunshots) Oh, hurry! - I wonder whose apartment this is. - I don't know. - The other one's probably in my room. - How do you know there's another one? Philippe's assassins travel in pairs. It’s a company rule. Do you know what the Gannet transaction is? - What is that? - It’s a code name for a 50-million-franc heroin sale. 50 million francs?! Philippe's going to Hong Kong on Tuesday to meet the American buyer. - Hong Kong? - I don't know how it fits in, but the Gannet's a boat. (karate yell) What are you doing? Now l know why this place looked so familiar. Chief Inspector Dreyfus lives here. I think he has received a faint. Wake up, Chief Inspector. Wake up. Chief Inspector! Hello? Are you in there, Chief Inspector? Hello? There's no reply. It’s no use. I think we will have to go to Hong Kong without him. - ''We''? - Yes. - You, l and Cato, who will translate for us. - Not me. I am not going to Hong Kong. - Douvier would shoot me on sight. - Not if he doesn't recognise you. - And he won't. - Why not? We will leave that up to the great Balls. ''The great balls''? At your service! Please forgive the condition of my establishment, but as the inspector knows - the chief inspector knows... - Auguste! - Argh! - I’m so sorry. I beg your pardon. - But as the chief inspector knows, - we were bombed. - It sounds like you still are. Almost all my collection was either destroyed or damaged. Starting Monday, I have to have a fire sale. You could call it ''The Great Balls of Fire Sale''. A catchy suggestion! (blows) Cunny! (grunting) l can't tell you how good it is to see that you are still alive. It has been my privilege to serve the good inspector - the chief inspector - for all these many years. Thirteen, to be precise. And his reported demise was a real blow to me. Something's coming. Yes! Yes, Cunny! You are not dreaming. Our friend, our customer, is alive! Hello, Cunny. Now, how can l serve you? - Well... - Through wind and mud, snow and hail, whether long or short, dark or pale. Remember that when duty calls, you've got Balls. (clap of thunder) - l gotta sit down. - Yes, of course. Cunny! Quick! Please, please! Come along. That's right. There you are. Sit. - Come, come, come. Sit, sit, sit. - You're not serious? There has been no time to get new furniture. Since the blast, he's much more comfortable. Please, sit. As a matter of fact, I’ve been sleeping on him. Chief Inspector? I am leaving for Hong Kong first thing in the morning. Hong Kong? Do you think you could pick me up some cheap coolie hats? My dear Auguste, I need your best Hong Kong disguise. Also, l will need something extra special in the Godfather line. Doctor, please. You must help me. Is Clouseau real, or am I going mad again? - What do you think? - What do I think? What can l think? lf that nincompoop is really alive, and the things l heard are true, he'll probably be decorated for rounding up the biggest drug ring in France, and I’ll be a laughing stock. That sounds reasonable. What are you going to do? What choice do I have? I either commit myself and come back to be locked up in here, or... I go to Hong Kong. - Listen, I don't think I can do this. - Of course you can. Just think yellow and follow me. Mr and Mrs... Lo Kee. - (clattering) - (man) You stupid clumsy oaf! What the hell do you think you're doing? You've ruined my suit! Why the hell don't you look where you're going?! I am Mr Algo. When Mr Scallini arrives, have me paged in the bar. Certainly, Mr Algo. Who is gonna pay for my suit? See that man that was right there? That's Guy Algo, Philippe's right-hand man. This Scallini must be Mr Big from New York. Listen. We'll go up to the room. You stay here ten minutes, then tell Mr, um... - Algo. - Right. Yes, Algo. Yes. ..Mr You-Know-Who has arrived, and ing him to the room. - Mr You-Know-Who? - l will be Mr You-Know-Who. Get it? Right. Come, Ming Loy. You got a reservation for Scallini. Page Mr Algo in the bar. Tell him Mr Scallini's here. - What do you think you're doing? - Mr Scallini in lobby. Cochon. No, no. Fongu. Hey, you heard what l said to him? Dumb Frenchman! ''Cochon''. That means ''pig''. I tell Mr Scallini you're here. - Listen, boss! - It’s not boss. It’s me. - Where is he? - Getting into his Godfather disguise. Algo's in the next room. Scallini's down the hall in the Tang suite. - We rode up in the same elevator. - Maybe l can reach him before Philippe. - What will you do? - I’m not sure. Keep your eye on Algo. (spills drink) - Ice? - Please. - Soda? - Yes. I hope it's not too strong. I’m sure it will be fine. Heh-heh-heh! Ha-ha-ha-ho! Hey! Mamma mia! Ho-ho! Spaghettini to Al Pacino! Heh-heh! Ho-ho! Carlo and me have got a little business to talk over. We won't be long. Have another drink. Ho-ho-ho! Viva Zapata! Ha-ha-ha! - Where is she? - I don't know. (knocking) (mouths) - Hello, Mr Marchione. - Hey. - Come on in. - Thank you. Thank you very much. - Can l get you a drink? - Oh, no. Nothing, thank you. - It’s, uh... Simone. - Oh, you really have a good memory. Well, I never forget a pretty face. Hey, boss. This is Simone. - That's Douvier's personal... - Secretary. How do you do, Mr Scallini? We never met before. lf we meet before, you call me Julio. - That's a nice hand. - Thank you. That's only the right one. - You type too? - 100 words a minute. l may faint. Mr Douvier is running a little late. lf you like, I’ll keep you company till he arrives. lf l like? Does my mother cook spaghetti? To the Gannet transaction. Shall l tell Douvier we're on our way? (choking) Don't forget the money. (coughs and splutters) What? Throat? Back? Choking! You want me to hit you on the back? (karate yell) Aaagh! We're on our way. - Mr Douvier will meet us in the lobby. - Great, great. - Is that it? - Yep. Ha-ha-ha! - 50 million francs and no bodyguard? - Listen, buddy. l take care of my body, my body takes care of me. Know what I’m drivin' at? - I’ll buy you some cigarettes, huh? - Smoke a few. When Douvier shows, I’ll meet you in the lobby. (fart) Hey! Be right with you. What the hell is going on here? Lee Kee Shipyard. - Where'd he go? - I think they went to Lee Kee Shipyard. Aaaargh! (yells in Chinese) See this? l can tell by your heart line that you're very passionate. - See how long this is? - Keep watchin'. It’s gonna get longer. (phone) - Hello? - Lee Kee Shipyard. Douvier. It was Douvier. And the doorman heard him tell the driver to go to the Lee Kee Shipyard. Somethin' is cacuzza around here. Your boss and a couple of boys just left the hotel. - Really? I wonder why they did that. - You got me. Why don't we go ask him? Yes. OK. Yes, I understand. OK. Yes. Douvier left the hotel about five minutes ago. He was with two men. He told the driver to go to the Lee Kee Shipyard. I’m sure it was that nincompoop! - I’m sure Mr Douvier won't be gone long. - Well, we'll see. It doesn't make much sense if you leave and he comes back. Stop worrying. You'll give yourself wrinkles. - What about this Lee Kee Shipyard? - Perfectly legitimate, as far as l know. They build a line of expensive power cruisers. Maybe Mr Douvier is just buying himself a yacht. - Lee Kee Shipyard? - That's what the come si chiama said. Come si chiama. Lee Kee. Come on! Move it! Come on! (sounds horn) (driver sounds horn) (horn) (siren) Aaaargh! Mr Chow, our Far Eastern representative. Mr Scallini. - It is an honour to meet you. - You remember Mr Algo, of course. Shall we go? After you launch the boat, we'll go to the office and sign the ownership papers. - Everything legal and above board. - Above the board, yes. Good. - Where is it? You know... - Well, l understood you were told. No, l was told, but checking, you know... - In the keel. - Oh, the old keel ploy. All you have to do is sail around the Caribbean for a while, haul her out of the water, take the midsection out of the keel, and voilŕ. 40 kilos of the finest merchandise your experts have ever tested. I tell ya, it better had be the best merchandise, cos my experts certainly have tested some. - We have faith in our merchandise. - That's good enough for me. - Now, would you like to launch her? - l would be delighted, you know. (coughs and sneezes) September. A good month for the vintage. Well... Congratulations! Aaaargh! He must be a cop! Get him! Get him! Hey, boss! Look out, you Oriental idiot! What are you doing?! (Marchione) Jesus Christ! - It’s me! - I know! Wait! (gunshot) - (gunshot) - Hey! Cancel the artillery! (gunshots) I don't care! I don't care! Get out of my way! - Hey, Al! Where are ya? - How do I know? Well, wherever you are, this is Chief Inspector Clouseau, and I am warning you that if you are not careful, I will arrest you all in the name of the Ieu! You and your ight ideas. Let me get my hands on you. (Dreyfus) Clouseau? Yes? - Are you wounded? - No! Fortunately l was saved by the darkness. So what we need is more light. Look what you did to my shoes! Oh, I’ll kill you! Hello, Philippe. Simone! - What are you doing here? - Waiting for the firecrackers to go off. - What firecrackers? - The ones l just stuck in your pants. (bang) (drum tattoo) ( rousing march) - Hello! I’m so sorry I’m late. - i was a little worried. I had some rather important police business to attend to. - And everything's all right? - Absolutely fine. Allow me to let you in the car. - Please. - It’s beautiful. It’s rather neat, isn't it? I call it the Silver Hornet. Yes... Service, service. It’s a little overdue for a service, unfortunately. Perhaps it's better to leave that there. - It’s a beautiful night. Why don't we walk? - What an excellent idea. - I’m sorry about that. - That's quite all right. - You look ravishing tonight. - Yes, I know that. - You know that? - Yes. - Yes, l knew that you knew that. - You did? l knew you knew l knew that. What made you decide to become a detective? Well, it's not something one decides every day of the week. But in my case, it began when my great-aunt was kidnapped and held for ransom by an unlicensed Armenian phrenologist. An Armenian phrenologist? Yes. You know, a man who reads the beumps on your head. - The beumps? - What? - You said ''beumps''? - Yes, yes. - Have you ever had your beumps read? - I don't think so. I would guess that your beumps would make excellent reading. Would you mind if I read your beumps someday? Subtitles ripped and worked by: frp

- You wanted to see me, Doctor? - Have you seen Mrs Vogler, Sister? - No, not yet. - Then I'll fill you in... ...and give you the reasons why you're to care for her. Mrs Vogler is an actress, as you know, and was performing in Electra. In the middle of the play she fell silent and looked around as if in surprise. She remained quiet for a minute. Afterwards she excused herself by saying she was overcome by laughter. The next day the theatre rang and asked if she'd forgotten her rehearsal. When the housekeeper went in she was still in bed. She was awake but didn't answer questions and didn't move. She's been like this for three months and been given every conceivable test. The result is clear. She's perfectly healthy, both mentally and physically. It's not even a question of some kind of hysterical reaction. Any questions, Sister Alma? No? Then you can go in to Mrs Vogler. Good day, Mrs Vogler. My name is Sister Alma. I've been employed to look after you for a while. Perhaps I should tell you about myself. I'm 25, engaged... I got my nursing certificate two years ago. My parents have a farm. My mother was also a nurse before she married. I'll fetch the dinner tray. It's fried liver and fruit salad. It looks really good. Do you want to raise your head? Is it okay like that? Sister Alma. What's your first impression? I don't know what to say, Doctor. First her face looks soft, almost childish. Then you see her eyes... She's got such a severe look, I think. - I don't know, I should... - What were you thinking? - I thought I should refuse the job. - Did something frighten you? No, but she should have a nurse who's older and more experienced. - Experienced in life. I may not cope. - Cope? Mentally. If Mrs Vogler's silence and immobility is the result of a decision... ...it must be as she's seen as healthy. - Well? It's a decision that shows great mental strength. Perhaps I'm not up to it. You might like to see the dusk, Mrs Vogler. I can draw them later. Shall I turn on the radio? There's a play, I think. Forgive me, my darling. Oh, you must forgive me. I don't desire anything other than your forgiveness. What are you laughing at, Mrs Vogler? Is it the actress that's funny? What do you know about compassion? What do you know? What do you know about compassion? I don't understand things like that, Mrs Vogler. I'm interested in film and theatre, but I go so seldom. I have enormous admiration for artists. I think art has an enormous importance in life. Especially for people who have problems of some kind. I shouldn't talk to you about things like that. I'm skating on thin ice. I'll see if I can find some music. Is that good? Good night, Mrs Vogler. Sleep well. Damn! It's strange. You go around almost any old how. Do almost any old thing. I'll marry Karl-Henrik and we'll have a few children that I'll raise. All that is decided. It's inside of me. It's nothing to ponder over. It's a huge feeling of security. Then I have a job that I like and am happy with. That's good too. But in another way. But it's good... good. It's good. I wonder what's really wrong with her? Elisabet Vogler... Elisabet. Would you like me to open the letter, Mrs Vogler? Shall I read it? Shall I read it to you? Dear As I'm not allowed to see you, I'm writing. If you don't want to read my letter, you can ignore it. I can't help seeking this contact with you - - as I'm tormented by a constant question: Have I harmed you in some way? Have I hurt you without knowing? Has some terrible misunderstanding arisen between us? Should I really read any more? As far as I understood, we were happy recently. We've never been... ...as close to one another. Do you remember saying: Now I understand what marriage means? You have taught me... I can't see what's written here. You have taught... Now I see... You've taught me that we must see each other as two anxious children - - filled with good will and the best intentions. But gov... Now I see it. But governed by forces we only partially control. Do you remember saying all of that? We were walking in the woods and you stopped and held my belt... There was a photograph with the letter as well. It's a photograph of your son. I don't know if... Would you like it, Mrs Vogler? He looks awfully sweet. I've been thinking, Elisabet. I don't think you should remain at the hospital. I think it's harmful. As you don't want to go home - - you and Sister Alma can move out to my summer place by the sea. Hmm? Don't you think I understand? The hopeless dream of being. Not seeming, but being. Consious at every moment. Vigilant. At the same time the chasm between what you are to others and to yourself. The feeling of vertigo and the constant desire to at last be exposed. To be seen through, cut down, perhaps even annihilated. Every tone of voice a lie, every gesture a falsehood, every smile a grimace. Commit suicide? Oh, no. That's ugly. You don't do that. But you can be immobile, you can fall silent. Then at least you don't lie. You can close yourself in, shut yourself off. Then you don't have to play roles, show any faces or make false gestures. You think... But you see, reality is bloody-minded. Your hideout isn't watertight. Life seeps in everything. You're forced to react. No one asks if it's real or unreal, if you're true or false. It's only in the theatre the question carries weight. Hardly even there. I understand you, Elisabet. I understand you're keeping silent, you're immobile. That you've placed this lack of will into a fantastic system. I understand and admire you. I think you should maintain this role until it's played out. Until it's no longer interesting. Then you can leave it. Just as you bit by bit leave all your other roles. Mrs Vogler and Sister Alma moved out to the doctor's house in late summer. The sojourn near the sea had a favourable effect on the actress. The apathy that had crippled her in hospital yields to long walks - - fishing trips, cooking, letter writing and other diversions. Sister Alma enjoys her rural seclusion and takes utmost care of her patient. Don't you know it's bad luck to compare hands? Elisabet? Can I read you something from my book? Or am I disturbing you? It says here: All the anxiety we bear with us, all our thwarted dreams - - the incomprehensible cruelty, our fear of extinction - - the painful insight into our earthly condition - - have slowly eroded our hope of an other-wordly salvation. The howl of our faith and doubt against the darkness and silence - - is one of the most awful proofs of our abandonment - - and our terrified, unuttered knowledge. Do you think it's like that? I don't believe it. Making changes... The worst thing with me is I'm so lazy. And then I get a bad conscience. Karl- Henrik scolds me for lacking ambition. He says I go around like a sleepwalker. I think that's unfair. I was best in my group with the exams. But he probably means something else. You know... Oh, sorry. You know what I sometimes think of? At the hospital where I did my exam, there's a home for old nurses. Ones that have always been nurses, lived for their work. Always in uniform. They live in their small rooms. Imagine devoting your whole life to something. I mean, believing in something. Accomplishing something. Believing that one's life has a purpose. I like things like that. Sticking to one thing doggedly, irrespective. I think one ought to. Mean something to other people. Don't you think so as well? I know it sounds childish, but I believe in it. Goodness, it's raining a lot! Oh, yes. He was married. We had a relationship for five years. Then he got tired, of course. I was very much in love, that's for sure. And he was the first. I remember it all like a long torment. Long periods of pain and then short moments when... I'm thinking of it as you've taught me to smoke. He smoked loads. Thinking of it afterwards, it's really banal. A real pulp fiction. In a strange way it was never really real. I don't know how to describe it. At least, I was never quite real to him. My pain was real, that's for sure. Somehow it was is if it was part of it in some nasty way. As if that's how it was supposed to be. Even the things we said to each other... Many people have told me that I'm a good listener. Funny, huh? No one's ever bothered to listen to me. Like you are now. You're listening. I think you're the first person who's listened to me. It can't be interesting at all. You could read a good book instead. God, I'm going on. You're not getting irritated? It's so nice to talk. It feels so nice and warm. I feel like I've never felt in my whole life. I always wanted a sister. I only have a load of others. Seven. Funny, huh? Then I come along. I've been surrounded by boys all my life. I like boys. But you would know that with all your experience as an actress. I really like Karl-Henrik. But, you know, you only love once. I'm faithful to him. In my profession there are opportunities, I can tell you. Karl-Henrik and I had hired a cottage by the sea. It was June, we were all alone. One day when Karl-Henrik had gone into town, I went to the beach alone. It was really nice and warm. There was another girl there. She lived on an island nearby - - but had come over as our beach lay to the south and was more relaxed. So we lay beside one another completely naked and sunbathed. We slept a little, woke up, and put on some oil. We wore these hats on our heads, you know, those cheap straw hats. I had a blue ribbon around my hat. I lay looking out from under the hat - - glanced out at the landscape, the sea and the sun. It was so curious. Suddenly I saw two figures jumping about on the rocks above us. They hid and peeped out occasionally. There are two boys looking at us, I said to her. Her name was Katarina. Well, let them look, she said, and turned on her back. It was such a strange feeling. I wanted to run and put on my costume, but I just lay still... On my belly with my bum in the air, totally unembarrassed, totally calm. All the time I had Katarina beside me with her easts and thick thighs. She just lay there giggling a little to herself. Then I saw the boys had come nearer. They just stood looking at us. I saw that they were terribly young. Then one of them, the avest one - - he came up to us and squatted down beside Katarina. He pretended to be busy with his foot and sat poking between his toes. I felt totally strange. Suddenly I heard Katarina say: Aren't you going to come over here? Then she took his hand and helped him take his jeans and shirt off. Suddenly he was over her and she helped him in and held his behind. The other boy just sat on the slope and watched. I heard Katarina whisper in his ear and laugh. I had his face right next to me. It was all red and swollen. Suddenly I turned over and said, Aren't you going to come to me too? Katarina said, Go to her now. And he pulled out of her and... ...he fell over me, completely hard. He took hold of one east. God, it hurt so much... I was all ready somehow, I came at once. Can you understand that? I was just going to tell him, Be careful so that I don't get pregnant - - when he came. I felt... I felt it like I'd never felt it before how he sprayed his seed into me. He gripped my shoulders and bent backwards. I came over and over. Katarina lay on her side looking and she held him from behind. When he came she em aced him and made herself come with his hand. And when she came she screamed really loud. Then all three of us started laughing. We called the other boy sitting on the slope. His name was Peter. He came down all confused, looking frozen in the sunshine. Katarina unbuttoned his trousers and started playing with him. When he came she took him in her mouth. He bent down and started kissing her on the back. She turned around, took his head in both hands and gave him her east. The other boy got so excited, so he and I started again. It was as nice as the first time. Then we swam and parted. When I came back, Karl-Henrik had returned. We ate dinner together and drank the red wine he had with him. Then we slept together. It's never been as good, before or since. Can you understand that? Then I fell pregnant, of course. Karl-Henrik, who's studying medicine, took me to a friend who aborted it. We were both happy. We didn't want any children. Not just then, anyway. It doesn't make sense. None of it fits together. Then you get a bad conscience over small things. Can you understand? What happens to everything you believe in? Isn't it necessary? Can you be one and the same person at the same time? I mean, was I two people...? God, I'm being silly... I don't have any reason to start snivelling, anyway. Wait, I'm going to fetch a tissue. It's nearly morning... and it's still raining. Imagine, I've been talking in a stream. I've talked and you've listened to me. How boring for you. Of what interest can my life be to you? One should be like you. You know what I thought when I saw your film that night? When I came home I saw myself in the mirror and thought: We're alike. Don't misunderstand me, you're much prettier, but we are alike in a way. I think I could turn myself into you. If I made a real effort. I mean inside. You could turn yourself into me just like that. Although your soul would be much too big. It would stick out everywhere! You should go to bed now. Otherwise you'll fall asleep at the table. No, I must go to bed. Otherwise I'll fall asleep at the table. That would be a little too uncomfortable. Good night. Listen, Elisabet... Did you speak to me last night? Were you in my room last night? Shall I take your mail as well? Can I have a taste? Bye. My dear: I'd always like to live like this. This silence, living cut off - - this feeling of the battered soul finally beginning to straighten out. Alma's spoiling me in the most moving manner. I think, by the way, that she's enjoying herself and is quite taken with me - - even smitten in an unconscious and delightful way. It's fun studying her. Sometimes she cries over past sins - - an episodic orgy with a totally strange boy followed by an abortion. She complains that her notions of life don't accord with her actions. I see you're reading a play? That's a healthy sign, I'll tell the doctor. Don't you think we should leave soon? I'm starting to miss town. Aren't you? Would you like to make me really happy? I know it's a sacrifice, but I need your help right now. It's nothing dangerous. But I want you to talk to me. Doesn't have to be special. Anything, what we're having for dinner - - or if you think the water's cold after the storm. If it's too cold to swim. We only need to talk a few minutes. One minute. You can read from your book. Just say a few words. I must try not to get angry. You remain silent and that's your business. But now I need you to talk to me. My dear woman, can't you say just a single word? I knew you'd refuse. You can't know how I feel. I always thought great artists felt great compassion for other people. That they created from a sense of great sympathy and a need to help. That was stupid of me. You've used me. Now that you don't need me you just throw me away. Yes, I hear very well how it sounds, how false it sounds! You've used me, now you're discarding me. Every word! And then these glasses! You've really hurt me. You've laughed at me behind my back. I read the letter you sent to the doctor. Just think, it wasn't sealed! And I read it thoroughly! You got me to talk. You got me to tell you things I've never told anyone. And you hand it on. What a study, huh?! You're not... You're going to talk now! If you've got anything to say, you're bloody well... No, stop it! You were really scared now, huh? For a second you were genuinely scared, not so? A genuine fear of death, huh? Alma's gone crazy, you thought. What kind of person are you, really? Or do you think like this: I'll remember that face. That tone of voice, that expression. I'll give you something you won't forget! You're laughing, are you? It's not so simple for me. Not so funny, either. But you've always got your laugh. Must it be like this? Is it really important not to lie, to speak the truth - - to talk with a genuine tone of voice? Can one live at all without talking freely? Lie and deviate and evade things. Isn't it better to allow yourself to be lazy and sloppy, untruthful? Maybe you become a little better if you just let yourself be what you are. No, you don't understand. You don't understand what I'm saying. You are inaccessible. They said you were mentally healthy, but your madness is the worst. You're acting healthy. You do it so well everyone believes you. Everyone except me, because I know how rotten you are. What am I doing? Elisabet! Elisabet, forgive me. I behaved like an idiot, don't know what got into me. I'm here to help you. Then there was that awful letter. I was so disappointed. You asked me to talk about myself. It was nice, you looked so understanding, I'd drunk a lot... It was so nice to talk about it all. I was also flattered that a great actress cared to listen to me. Somehow I thought it would be nice if it was of some use to you. But it's terrible, isn't it? Sheer exhibitionism. Elisabet, I want you to forgive me. I like you so much, you mean so much to me. I've learned so much from you, I don't want to part as enemies. You don't want to forgive me. You're too proud! You won't lower yourself because you don't need to! I won't, I won't...! We don't talk... don't listen... understand... - Elisabet? - What means should... to enable... When you sleep your face is slack. Your mouth is swollen and ugly. You have a nasty wrinkle on your forehead. You smell of sleep and tears. I can see the pulse on your throat. You have a scar you normally cover with make-up. Elisabet! He's calling again. I'll find out what he wants from us. Out here, far away in our loneliness. Elisabet? Elisabet? Sorry if I frightened you. - I'm not Elisabet. - I don't have any demands. I didn't want to disturb you. Don't you think I understand? The doctor explained a number of things to me. The most difficult thing is explaining to the little boy. I'm doing my best. There is something that lies deeper, that is hard to catch sight of. You love someone, or more correctly, say you love someone, it's... It's understandable. Tangible as words are, that is. Mr Vogler, I'm not your wife. You are also loved. You build a little fellowship. It generates security. You see the possibility of enduring, not so? How can I say everything I've thought without losing my way, boring you? I love you, as much as I did before. No, don't be so anxious, my darling. We have one another. We have faith, know each other's thoughts. We love one another. It's true isn't it? It's the effort that's most important, not what we achieve. Isn't it? To see each other as children. Tormented, helpless, lonely children. - Elisabet. - Tell the boy that I'm coming soon. Mummy's been sick, but she's longing for her little boy. Remember to buy a present for him. From Mummy, don't forget. You know I feel such tenderness for you. It's difficult to bear. I don't know what to do with my tenderness. I live from your tenderness. Elisabet, do you like being with me? Is it nice? - You're a wonderful lover. You know. - My darling... Anaethetise me... throw me away! No, I can't, I can't take any more! Leave me alone! It's shame, it's all shame! Leave me alone! I'm cold and rotten and indifferent! It's all just lies and imitation, all of it! Elisabet, what have you got there? What are you hiding under your hand? Let me see. It's the photo of your little boy. The one you tore up. We must talk about that. Tell me about it, Elisabet. Then I will. It was one night at a party, isn't that so? It got late and quite rowdy. Towards morning someone in the group said: Elisabet, you virtually have it all in your armoury as a woman and artist. But you lack motherliness. You laughed because you thought it sounded silly. But after a while you noticed you thought about what he'd said. You became more and more worried. You let your husband impregnate you. You wanted to be a mother. When you realized it was definite, you became frightened. Frightened of responsibility, of being tied down, of leaving the theatre. Frightened of pain, of dying, frightened of your body swelling up. But you played the role. The role of a happy, young, expectant mother. Everyone said, Isn't she beautiful? She's never been so beautiful. Meanwhile you tried to abort the foetus several times. But you failed. When you saw it was irreversible, you started to hate the baby. And you wished it would be stillborn. You wished the baby would be dead. You wished for a dead baby. It was a difficult and long delivery. You were in agony for days. Finally the baby was delivered with forceps. You looked with disgust and terror at your squealing baby and whispered: Can't you die soon? Can't you die? But he survived. The boy screamed day and night. And you hated him. You were scared, you had a bad conscience. Finally the boy was taken care of by relatives and a nanny. You could get up from your sickbed and return to the theatre. But the suffering wasn't over. The boy was gripped by a massive and unfathomable love for his mother. You defend yourself. You defend yourself in despair. You feel you can't return it. So you try, and you try... But there are only cruel and clumsy meetings between you. You can't do it. You're cold and indifferent. He looks at you. He loves you and he's so gentle. You want to hit him because he doesn't leave you alone. You think he's disgusting with his thick mouth and ugly body. His moist and pleading eyes. He's disgusting and you're scared. What are you hiding under your hand? Let me see. It's the photo of your little boy. The one you tore up. We must talk about it. Tell me about it, Elisabet. Then I will. It was one night at a party, isn't that right? It got late and quite rowdy. Towards morning someone in the group said: Elisabet, you virtually have it all in your armoury as a woman and artist. But you lack motherliness. You laughed because you thought it sounded silly. But after a while you noticed you thought about what he'd said. You became more and more worried. You let your husband impregnate you. You wanted to be a mother. When you realized it was definite, you became frightened. Frightened of responsibility, of being tied down, of leaving the theatre. Frightened of pain, of dying, frightened of your body swelling up. But you played the role. The role of a happy, young, expectant mother. Everyone said, Isn't she beautiful? She's never been so beautiful. Meanwhile you tried to abort the foetus several times. But you failed. When you saw it was irreversible... ...you started to hate the baby. And you wished it would be stillborn. You wished the baby would be dead. You wished for a dead baby. The delivery was difficult and long. You were in agony for days. Finally the baby was delivered with forceps. You looked with disgust and terror at your squealing baby and whispered: Can't you die soon? Can't you die? The boy screamed day and night. And you hated him. You were scared, you had a bad conscience. Finally the boy was taken care of by relatives and a nanny. You could get up from your sickbed and return to the theatre. But the suffering wasn't over. The boy was gripped by a massive and unfathomable love for his mother. You defend yourself in despair. You feel you can't return it. So you try, and you try... But there are only cruel and clumsy meetings between you. You can't do it. You're cold and indifferent. He looks at you. He loves you and he's so gentle. You want to hit him because he doesn't leave you alone. You think he's disgusting with his thick mouth and ugly body. His moist and pleading eyes. He's disgusting and you're scared. No! I'm not like you. I don't feel like you. I'm Sister Alma, I'm just here to help you. I'm not Elisabet Vogler. You are Elisabet Vogler. I would like to have... I love... I haven't... I've learnt quite a lot. We'll see how long I hold out. I'll never be like you, never. I change all the time. You can do what you like, you won't get to me anyhow. Saying doesn't help. Cut a candle. A kind of otherness. Not now, no. No, no. Warning and out of time. Unforeseen. When it was supposed to occur, it didn't occur and so failure. Yourself where you are. But I should do it. Not inwards, no... Say collect and advise others... The disconsolate, perhaps... Take, yes... but what is closest...? What's it called...? No, no, no... Us, we, me, I... Many words and such nausea... Incomprehensible pain. The throw... Try and listen to me now. Repeat after me. Nothing... Nothing. No, nothing... Nothing. That's it. That's good. That's how it should be. Alexander Keiller Subtitling International

Presented by BM Film Distributed by Hapdong Inc. Co-distribution Prime Pictures SONG Seung-heon JUNG Da-bin Based on a novel by Guiyeoni Produced by KWAK Seung-nam HE WAS COOL Written and Directed by Hey! You had to butt in, didn’t you? You asshole! Thank you! - Eun-sung? - JI Eun-sung? Who are these chicks? - Where do you go to school? - Doil Girls' High Doil Girls' High? Doil Girls' High... Okay Okay I won again This is no fun Let's see what's new on school website To Dogs at Doil Girls' High... JI Eun-sung? If I see you dogs downtown you’re all dead Look who's talking here Beat it, asshole! This is weak I can do better You disgust me, jerk! - Hello? - Want your ass kicked? - What? - You have some nerve - I think you have the wrong... - Hey! Who do you think you are? Who's this? This is JI Eun-sung JI Eun-sung? You’re all dead! JI Eun-sung What do you want? What? This is JI Eun-sung from the vocational school! So what? Are you kidding me? Stop bothering me! Who was that? Some sicko! He said... - This is JI Eun-sung. - JI Eun-sung... One from the vocational school? - You know him? - Sure, He’s a bully He’s beaten up every boy Really? Why did he call you? This chemical is good Your hair will be as straight Hard to believe? See it for yourself afterwards You'll be amazed Aren't you answering it? I don't think so - Hi - Hey, boys I'm lonely I'm so freaking lonely Dye it back in black Why don’t we wait at school? That's too much She needs to learn a lesson I will take care of her Take care of your family first Your mom has run! He's a total joke Isn't he, Hyun-sung? Hello? Want your ass kicked? Kick it all you want! This is like damn hiking! She’s dead meat now - Send her a message - Okay Meet me at the gate after class If you run, you’re dead - What should I do? - What? - JI Eun-sung! - JI What? JI... Eun... Sung! If I get caught playing - Sorry - I'm screwed Who are those boys? - Where the hell is she? - They're them, aren't they? Wait all you want there - Follow me You're embarrassing me Yeah You wanna jump over the wall? Wanna run into it then? Take the main gate if you want him to kill you Watch me Here I go! Hey! Are you okay? - Kyung-won! - What are you doing? Stop right there! Damn! Don't come over, you do that and you're dead Damn! KA BOOM! - I was gonna warn you, but... Stop right now Get back here Go back Right Ill get you more later Eun-sung Are we muggers? I think not! What do you want from me? Be responsible - What? - Responsible for What? Were getting married What's he talking about? You are the first chick So be responsible He doesn't even hold hands You’d better accept your fate You were hiding like a cat What? You're gonna get it! What should I do with you? Damn, it's dirty Run again, and you're dead Call me - Let's go - You'd better call Are you nuts? She’s a dog! I know, Just my luck! Her friend is okay though You look cool with it I spent 100 bucks on it So help me get into college I’m this desperate God, the color sucks! Is college worth this? I thought that lady next door Should I wear moms? - Brother - Why? Shit! Get the hell out Get out! Can I use your cell phone? Use yours! It's been cut off That's your problem I have to call Jung-min You didn't make fried rice for me What goes around comes around Mom, he’s being weird! Is he watching porn again? Yes! Mom! Hold on Take it with you - He's dead! - Mom! Candy? It's me Mr. Killer Smile! Oh, I know You want money up front? No, I'm not a prostitute! I'm not saying you are We're just helping each other - Get away from me! - Not a prostitute You didn't do that while we were chatting - Why - Wait! Wait! No, I cant hold it any longer - Let me go please! - Let's go You give, and I take Stop screaming I'm not a bad guy No! Stop playing naive! What's your problem? Hey! What the fuck is this?! They’re fucking ambushing me! - Get out - So What? What do you mean? This isn't my car - So What? - Eun-sung, Let him go I borrowed it Isn't she that chick? Act your freaking age She's that Miss Ass! What are you doing out this late? Kicked out of the house? I'm better - looking than you all! I can still earn my ead fucking bastard Eat this, punks! - That asshole! - I will take care of him I could’ve caught him You hook? I was kidnapped! Miss Ass where do you live? My legs! Stars look better up here though God! Damn dogs! There’s dog poop everywhere! What a neighborhood! Come on! Stop yelling at me This is it Go ahead Miss Ass! Didn't I tell you to call me? You rape me and run? My cell phone has been cut off Use your home phone then It's been cut off too Your family is that poor? Use whatever and call me Get it? Bye It's a dead end Call me It's a dead end This way? Hello? - It's me - me who? You told me to call Do you know what time it is now? Not this late! - Thanks for... - Right Call me tomorrow Otherwise, you're dead What are you doing? I was gonna ask you, but... Fix me fried rice He's the only other I have I can't believe he’s my other I absolutely hate him! - Hey - Jesus Christ! Don't sneak up on me like that! Cooking this late? Make me some too I'm hungry What am I, a maid? God! Rub it hard with your hands Use your hands and scrub it off! Why can't they aim right? Chicks are worse than boys! Why can't they go at home? This is so unfair! We jumped over the wall together And she's the only one What'd you say? I hooked up? That's not it Let me know when you’re done Okay? How'd she know? The flasher must be back Really? HAN Ye-won! Want your ass kicked? They must be going out I told you not to run, didn't I? I was gonna call you, but... Meet me at SAAB at 8 What? What kind of place is SAAB? You haven't called Jung-min - Oh, I forgot! - He’s coming to Korea soon - Really? - Who’s that? - He's my testicle friend - Come on, you don’t have any! He's my boyfriend in America America? Oh, Yankee! Hey! You can meet that jerk if I ditch you Who says you can? Who says I'd go out with you? I do! If you love me... Pick up these peanuts Fool! Damn! Is your friend always like that? He's just working on her Is he? Come on, it's green I don't like being touched Okay Keep your hands to yourself Hey, JI Eun-sung! What are you dong out this late? Eun-sung What are you... doing here? - Who's she? - That's miss Ass Oh, the one that sat on you? You guys are going out? But you have Hyo-bin Stop toying with a little girl Hit the road, will you? Don’t be scared Your face disgusts me Keep it at home, okay? You're a contamination Let's go, girls Hurry up, fool! Where'd you go with him? - A video room - Yeah? What'd you watch? We were kind of busy I don't really remember - Hello? - Miss Ass what's up? Don't call me that! What should I call you then? Miss Butt? JI Eun-sung, get up here! Damn, I got caught It's all your fault Get your ass up here now! - I'm coming! - What the... Just a second Make yourself available Okay? I’m busy tomorrow One more thing Don’t call me in class They're studying Bye Who was it? JI Eun-sung? Who? JI Eun-sung? You just talked to Eun-sung? - Yeah - You're really seeing him? He can't see enough of you can he? I know Quite bothering God! God damn it! Are you doing it on purpose? It's been hours! I told you I couldn't play Let's play without her Kyung-won, show her Okay Watch her and learn She’s really good Step aside I can't believe you can't do it Watch me That's it That's okay At least you hit the ball Good job Much better than you anyway Hae-bin taught him Who's that? Hae-bin and Eun-sung... Hey! Let's play pool, okay? Hi, nice meeting you This is a lover letter for you Read it What's this? Funeral Service A letter of challenge? Funny, isn't it? I'm warning you Don't get smart with me and run You're digging your graves What the... Hey! Let me ask you one thing What's that you always carry? A missile? A missile?! Curious? Wanna find out? Be there, and you’ll find out Laughing? You think I’m funny? What? Who's chirping here? JI Eun-sung It's been a while - Hi Who's he? Hyo-bins other Wanna play with us? Fuck! Let's go Come on! You asshole! See you soon Let's go Two things that are most They're fire and fighting Out of curiosity... You don't have your boys hiding out somewhere Do you? - That'd be embarrassing - Would it? Your face is more embarrassing God damn it They're fighting soon - Let's get closer LEE Kyung-won! - That asshole is Eun-sung? - Get him! - Son of a bitch! Eun-sung, run! Fuck! Don't run, asshole! Fuck My legs are missiles, asshole! He's beating up my friend! Let's go get him! Friend Are you okay? Didn't you tell me You stay back That asshole... Let go! You’ve turned him into a vegetable, asshole You’re bad, real bad Ye-won Keep your eyes closed I don't have a watch Damn! Hit him! Hide in the corner 5, 6... 48, 49, 50... You son of a bitch... You sure can fight Fucking asshole! You wanted to know Disappointed? You... Asshole! 98, 99, 100! Let's go Where were you hiding? - Hold still No patches on my face! I could've taken care of them Take care of your face, man Are you okay? - No. - Let me see - I think it's dislocated - Here? That's right... Sorry For what? You don't like being touched It's okay What's the occasion? Just don’t touch my ass I wouldn't for the world! Were going away on Saturday Really? It sounds fun You're coming with us But my friend is coming It's my birthday Really? - I'm sorry to miss it - Let me tell You You should be with me - I haven't seen him in 3 years - You're coming If you don't... You'll be very sorry Sure! Sure, sure, sure I'm very busy now Can I call you back? It's my birthday - Aren't you coming? - I'm really sorry But this was set long ago Eun-sung, get down here What the... You call yourself a man? Ye-won! - It's me Jung-min! - You're really Jung-min? - It's been a while! - It's been years! I got you flowers The scarf you bought me - Does it? - I'm telling you Run, run, run - and this - hey hey hey... - Quick, Quick, quick... - Jump, jump... Right, right... What kind of jump? What are you doing here? Hey You're Kyung-won, aren't you? It's me Jung-min - Jung-min! - Jung-min, you're gonna die Give me a minute, I'll give you a kiss when I’m done To the right! Up! Up! Why'd you turn off your phone? Eun-sung had so many things prepared for you He did? He's such a cutie He's outside, freaking pissed Why doesn't he come in? Are you out of your... Hey, Eun-sung Don't you look good! Hey, off the game - What? - You heard me Why should we? We wanna play it Who the hell are you? Are you okay? Why didn't you come? You're being so cheap You're being so childish Cheap? Childish? Leave Ye-won alone! You Yankee! Jung-min! JI Eun-sung! What? Go ahead, Say it What's wrong with you? Suffering from a lack of love? Let's go Kyung-won Come on, lets dance No, you guys go ahead - Dancing can help you - When you feel shitty What are you looking at? Ye-won! I'm going to the bathroom - Where's she going? - To fix her makeup Now she's getting warmed up Long time, no see Who are you? It's me Can't remember? She's the bitch I told you about SONG Seung-heon Look You're Eun-sung's squeeze? I oke up with him Would you mind? You oke up? They oke up Is this what you expected? Think again! Were through He ditched me, okay? Don't get fresh with us! You're Eun-sung's chick! Hey Who says he's her man? He's my man! Who the fuck is this? Can't you see? I’m Eun-sungs chick What's going on here? He's a two-timer? Am I nuts? Why would I lie to you? I think you’re nuts Call him now Eun-sung I'm at Juliana Ugly assholes are bugging me Hurry over, Eun-sung Listen, Hyo-bin Don’t come here! It's a trap! Fuck! Eun-sung - Two - Come quickly - One - Eun-sung - Two - Come quickly - One - Eun-sung - Two - Come quickly Come on, louder You! Take a eak over there What are you doing? Damn! She’s pretty, fool One Eun-sung Two Eun-sung! I'm not here for you Eun-sung I knew you'd come Get out of here - JI Eun-sung - Get out of here Let the girls go Let the girls go Let them go, fuckers! You son of a bitch! That bastard is JI Eun-sung Eun-sung! Are you sure you're not hurt? Are you okay? Step on him! Eun-sung! Ye-won Where's Eun-sung? Are you okay? Is he dead? Please, stop seeing him What? I really like him I've had a 3-year-long crush on him So what? Please I'm begging you Hey... Ye-won Were friends, aren't we? Please Tell him you’re leaving him But... - I... - Will you do that for me? Won't you? Eun-sung she has something to tell you Don't you? How are you holding up? What are you doing here? You’re okay Right? Get out of here Hey That's not it Should I tell him for you? Eun-sung She doesn't wanna Right, Ye-won? That's good I don't wanna see you either Please... Please... Don't be sick Hello? Eun-sung? Is this Eun-sung? Ye-won I'm at ShinWol primary school Are you drunk? - Come here now - You shouldn't have drunk Eun-sung? Eun-sung? JI Eun-sung! Ye-won HAN Ye-won! Why didn't you answer your phone? - Just because... - you How'd you know? You're such a fool! Yeah, I am I know I’m a fool but I don’t know what to do That's not it! Didn’t you know its main gate and the back gate look the same? Where were you? I heard Eun-sung waited all night in front of the main gate Hey! Ye-won! Take a good care of yourself I will be back later You didn't go to school? What are you doing here? You waited all night? Tell me Did you? Get out Beat it! Were a couple of fools You make me miserable So leave What the fuck! Didn’t you hear him? Can I talk to you for a second? You come with me! Come on - You're dead! Why don't you leave her alone? JI Eun-sung! What the fuck are you doing? HAN Ye-won you don’t even know him! Hyo-bin! Cut it out Eun-sung that goes same for you KIM Hyun-sung - What'd you just say? - Come on, guys Cut it out? Fuck! You all listen You think I'm nothing Wang Bit-na You don't know what's scary Try me if you dare Consider yourself lucky, bitch Let's go, guys He needs absolute rest I waited at the back gate - Did you know that? - Ye-won, I'm warning you No more games with me, okay? How dare you I don't Look who's talking here I have something to ask her You're... Ye-won, I was wondering... What's Kyung-won up to? Get out of here! He's desperate, isn't he? Your hands are cold My hands are always cold but my heart is not Give me your hand - What? - Your hand Hold on You have big hands Like bears feet Did you read that Alibaba? I read that when I was little Really? What about Snow White? The dwarfs are in it - Cinderella? - She steals the shoes So What about The Little Mermaid? Stop it! They think they're at a cafe? You think I'm that ignorant? The Little Mermaid... She dies after eating an apple So stop it You're unbelievable Damn! I hope that kills you Get back here Ye-won! Keep it quiet, man What? Watch the damn movie It's okay Come here If I lay my hands on you Here comes the cream cake for you I'm not eating it Try it I don't like cream cakes I bought it for you Cant you pretend you like it? Why would I? Am I nuts? - What's this? - Leave my phone alone Is this a radio? A hammer? This is a piece of junk - Hey! - Use mine What's the pin number? Your birthday Aren't your parents coming? Why do you ask? I thought it would be nice if I... That's enough Go home I'm taking a nap You have so many secrets - I don't - You do too! - No - You don't like being touched and talking about your folks You wanna know? Yes! I can't tell you - Why not? - I can't I wont tell you even if you threaten to cut my throat Stop asking You're at it again I'm leaving - HAN Ye-won - What? Go straight home If you go to a disco again What do you care? HAN Ye-won! What now? I freaking like you So easy JI Eun-sung! What? I freaking like you too I will kick your ass! This is my desk This is the plant I raise I don’t know its name Isn't that phone cute? And I have the moon in my room This is my bed Pretty? Wait That's me with my friend Boorish, huh? Wait, you got a voice mail Mind if I listen to it? Why don't you answer your phone? Sorry about yesterday I was afraid Hyo-bin might tell Ye-won everything about you So let it go Okay? I'll take care of Hyo-bin So don't worry Call me if you get this Eun-sung? Did you get my message? This is Ye-won But this is his phone I heard your message What about Hyo-bin? It's nothing Come on, tell me I can't I'm busy Hyun-sung You know I like you Why me? Eun-sung will kill me if I tell you Come on, Hyun-sung Eun-sung's father died from AIDS You didn't know, did you? I learned about it when I was in middle school He once told me... When they went on a picnic no kid would hold his hands He was always alone They're kissing, kissing... Why don't you kiss him and say happy birthday? My mom told me his daddy died from AIDS You got something to tell me? No Nothing I just wanted to hear your voice Did you eat? I’m eating noodles Why eat noodles? You should eat healthy food Food here sucks Feel like drinking Forget it and go home Okay, I will - Hey - Jesus Christ! Don't sneak up on me! What's wrong with you? Why surprised? - Is that for me? - Don't touch it Damn! Don't! - Let me have some - No way Damn! Go away, you gourmand! He's such a pain! Kimbab, fruit Kimbab... You have some nerve I told you not to come here Did I not? How dare you kiss him How touching Why don't you move in with him? Do you have any idea how his father died? I do So what? So what? What'd you do that for? You crazy bitch! Get the hell up How could you do this to me? Get up! Get up! You're a fucking joke Eun-sung is my man Why did you do something you'd regret? Stay away from him You hear? Don't fake it, bitch What the fuck is wrong with you people? Eun-sung... What the hell are you doing? We're just... I did it I beat her up Because I fell sorry for Hyo-bin Okay? Eun-sung... Eun-sung! Hey Ye-won? Hey Can you hear me? They beat you good, didn’t they? - Not really - Don't lie to me - Really - Why didn't you scream when you were beaten? I can't believe what a fool you are Eun-sung What? Look... I have something to tell you Don't interrupt me or leave Promise me I never make promises Yesterday... Hyun-sung told me everything He didn't wanna tell me but I insisted What? My dad died from fucking AIDS? Watch your mouth I cant keep that promise If you leave like that I wont see you ever again Why do you always take off? You will leave me now JI Eun-sung! Don’t you know what AIDS is? I might have HIV virus in my blood, okay? Don’t leave me for that Even if you were HIV positive I would never leave you So don't leave me Ye-won You're so funny Will you hold me? What? Eun-sung You smell like a baby Ye-won - Your hair smells real bad - Hey! - When'd you wash it? - Come on! That Kimbab was too salty Who beat up my girl? - Don't worry, Mom - In the case of fire... I will rip their noses open What number 1 doing there he's opening the window - In case of fire... - Mom! You're early - Who are you? - Hi He's my friend Oh, I see You're my princess boyfriend - Nice to meet you - Daddy! You bastard! - I'm out of here See you No fucking manners! He's very manly Isn't he cool? This is what happens when you hang out with jerks like him! - Mom! - Honey, calm down Hello? What's wrong with your voice? Did you cry? I'm a man, I never cry Don't lie I know you cried I miss her I miss you, too Not you, my mom Should I come over? Don't I'll lock the door if you do Eun-sung I hope you open your heart to me I'm coming, okay? You know what I’ve wanted to say the most since 7? Mom, see you after school Soon after my dad died... she left me too Are you listening? Eun-sung, I’m here Where? Here! Where... What are you doing here? Here Han-sung asked me - Who? - Han-sung KIM Han-sung! - Don't mention him - What's wrong with you? Why do you hate him so much? I'm going Stay over tonight What? We spent our first night together But he left the hospital without telling me How could he do that? He's so bad You're out of the hospital? Your uncle was so worried Sorry, I didn't come to see you - Don't worry about it - Don't be saying that You still beat up kids? What are you, a thug? Your mom wrote to you again So pig-headed! You're very close, boy You'd better listen to me Eun-sung, you should try to understand your uncle He's just worried about you I mean, who'd look after you even if you're in Korea? Hey, this is a good chance to go America Isn't that so nice? Don't worry about anything our uncle's gonna take care of everything You just get ready to go, okay? Ye-won, congratulations! Kyung-won It's been a while Why didn't you return my calls? - Hi - Hey, there Eun-sung couldn't make it today Were late, aren't we? Long time, no see - Oh God! - Hey, you... Isn't that the same scarf as mine? I see you're done packing We're leaving Let's go Let's go do STARCRAFT - Let go - I will Let you win He has the same fucking scarf! Who would it be? I bet you know - I really don't - I Don't believe you Hey, little girl Get in Why should I? I'm doing this on behalf of Hyo-bin Yeah, you have a lot of bags I will go with Jung-min - Let's go - Hey See you later Nice car, isn't it? He stole his fathers car so we could give you a ride Cold, aren't you? Han-sung Isn't it too hot? If Eun-sung saw us together he would ditch me instantly What do you care? - He didn't even pick you up - None of your business! It is Well be seeing each other often I don't think that's gonna happen Close that thing, will you? Kyung-won said I was being too uptight with Eun-sung Is that right? Then again, I know As she advised I’ve decided to visit him What should I get him? Nice! So cute! Give me a pair Cheapest ones please They're all same Give me the smartest ones then They're all stupid They don't even recognize me Cute, isn't she? So cute! Eun-sung, you keep the female and I keep the male But the female is prettier No Eun-sung, you keep the female and I keep the male Are you buying those? If not... - Go! - I'll take them! How about this? No, it only looks good on me What should I wear then? Think about it What if Eun-sung dresses up and waits in front of our school? How would you feel? So... - That would be awesome - That's it Sexy! Sexy? You'd be understanding and accepting someone else's feelings and be more grown up and accept morality... Eun-sung! Damn! I'll finish it soon now, don't and thus, like... I mean I mean, know the foundation of life and try to become healthy teenagers both mind and body That is everything for now That was your headmaster speaking Now you're going to pick up garbage and cigarette butts on the sports ground Everybody, face backward No! Oh God... Eyes down! If I catch you peeking What the hell are you doing? Eun-sung you keep the female - and I keep the... - You're embarrassing me! What the hell do you have on? What are you, a ze a? I just... What's that? A fucking dog? - A rabbit - A rabbit? Here are pincers I'll decoy the teacher Do whatever you were doing And I got the names of those who were peeking Keep your eyes down! Move aside I can't believe this is happening! Why’d you put your head in there? Hold on, Teacher Stop, teacher - Hey Eun-sung, what are you doing? - Get out of here - He called a hooker to school?! Like this? God! Yes, like that! My dear, my dear my sweetheart... on a rainy, lonely day Let's eat spicy noodles You have Samsun noodle I'll have super-size spicy noodles On this windy lonely day Let's eat spicy noodles together Fresh noodles will tie our love together and heartening soup Hahahahahahahaha Spicy noodles Spicy noodles Spicy noodles Why? It's nice, Do it again You wanna sing? Ye-won Have you been hit It's really loud Ye-won Sing me another song Even if I give the whole world I would not change you with anything, my friend Next to me Love is mine When I'm next to you the world is mine I can do anything if it makes you happy JI Eun-sung I didn't know you could draw Who is she? My girlfriend But she looks so young Stop it Here Eun-sung, you're a good singer So cool That's nothing Which is mine? This own one is female Her name is Ye-won She's too ugly So cute Let me tell you I was so scared back then Yeah? Should I destroy that phone booth? - I will be right back - No! - No, Let me destroy it - It's okay - Makes me feel so bad - No, no, it's okay - It's okay Eun-sung - are you sure? Yes Let me know any time It won't take a second I just don't like it here Many bad things have happened Then we should let good - Good things? - Right Well... yes We can meet here - Really? - You scared me! What's all the fuss? Damn! Frankly... I've had this dream What dream? Listen I have this fantasy about the first snowfall In a beautiful park the first snow of the year comes On the hill stands a castle where I live A castle? - What are you, A princess? - I'm not done! There's this man who loves me waiting for me dressed in black And I watch him blindly So romantic Isn't it? And... This man... You know what he says to me? So many motels here! - Motel Royal, Motel Pink... - Were you listening? Hey you JI Eun-sung! Isn't it obvious? I love you, Marry me That's so corny Wrong! A true love requires no words What would you know? - You... - Hey, Eun-sung You raise a rabbit like a bitch? What has happened to you? What'd I tell you? Good thing you guys oke up Look at that bitch Damn! Here What are you doing?! I don't want it JI Eun-sung! You still have feelings Do whatever you want with it Eun-sung? I'm so sorry I thought I was calling Kyung-won I have something to say to Kyung-won I punched a wrong number Eun-sung Aren't you gonna call me? Please pick up Please pick up Please, please... Eun-sung? I thought I was calling Kyung-won Yeah, you are Are you high, or what? Get a life! Why the hell did you pick up?! - Hello? - Hello? Hello? Who's this? It's me, your daughter Where are you, Mom? What? Are you going crazy? Where are you? I'm home Home? I'm home! Did you drink or something? Come home right now! What's she talking about? Eun-sung Good to be outside, huh? Wait for a while They'll pay me double tonight I'll feed you when I’m done Hurry, kid Coming! Don't fall asleep Shouldn't you be studying? Not easy to make money, huh? Work hard! Better luck next time Yeah, next time Let's go, boys Alone? I didn't follow you here I'm with the guys Wanna come with us? Is Eun-sung coming? - Hello? - Were all gathered Isn't it only for seniors? That's right Your chick is here Cheers! You know what? I think I’m leaving You are? He shouldn't have lied to you Sorry about that It's okay I'll take you home Eun-sung's coming soon Wait a little longer Hey - What's up with him? - That asshole! Let's go HAN Ye-won Get your ass out! - Asshole! - Hey! Sit down Eun-sung Since you’re here eat with us What am I, a beggar? Eun-sung I'm your senior Don't forget that Ye-won is my girl Don't forget that You son of a bitch! You ruined my shirt! Come on Come on, asshole What? Eun-sung Eun-sung, yesterday... I just didn't want you to fight You're mistaken, Eun-sung Listen to me I just didn't want you I don't wanna hear that name Eun-sung cant you trust me? You misunderstood Why don't you let me... Okay, fine! Go have fun with him Fine Whatever You're always like this You always... get your way Open it Open it Open the fucking door! It's yours So long Please write to me - and call me - why do you cry? If he makes you cry once again I'm not gonna sit here and do nothing Okay? Hey, you're crying again What's the matter Shouldn't they try to catch me? - There must be something - Oh you bastard Oh it's true It's your birthday aren’t you meeting Eun-sung? I don't know Wanna go to a disco with me? I'm not in the mood Ye-won What's that? How did you do that? Happy birthday How did you know? Have you decided? This one What's her size? That's... Can I see your hand? What? I have something to ask Can I? What is it? Why does Eun-sung hate you so much? Fine don't tell me If you don’t I'll drink myself to death There was this guy named Hae-bin He was like a other to Eun-sung He was my best buddy Eun-sung got into the vocational school after him Last fall... Eun-sung, him And me... we took a night train to the beach I can't see Hae-bin - Hey Hae-bin, Shin Hae-bin - Hey, other - Here! - Hae-bin! Hey let go - No, you bastard - other - Hae-bin! - No way Let go stupid bastard he's dying Hae-bin! After Hae-bin died He started... hating me He blamed me for his death saying he could've saved him if I hadn't stopped him He called me a coward Is that... Why he went out with Hyo-bin? Just to get back at you? Hae-bin liked Hyo-bin a lot And she liked Eun-sung Just like you like Eun-sung... ...and I like you What? You... You like me? God, its a love triangle! This is nothing but a comedy! Eun-sung You Pour me another shot No? Fine, I'll pour myself a shot You've had enough Let's call it a night It's gone Sorry Hey, what are you doing? If I go out with you will you be nice to me? And buy me lots of presents? What present do you want? Eun-sung Not a person His picture then How about clothes? Eun-sung’s underwear Han-sung I have to go pee Ye-won you know what? At your others graduation wearing a red coat you were so pretty You were... stuck on your other like a magnet It snowed a lot that day I followed you around to talk to you I ended up slipping in the snow On the first snowfall this winter... I wanted to buy you a present See you... again This is my desk This is the plant I raise I don't know its name Isn't that phone cute? And I have the moon in my room This is my bed, Pretty? That's me with my friend when I was in kindergarten What's he doing? Who the hell are you? What the... Stop right there! You son of a bitch! Hey! Want your ass kicked? Should I beat you here or outside? Outside Eun-sung’s going to America What? To buy a present for your birthday he worked so hard Carrying icks and sand... He worked his ass off at a construction site How could you hook up with Han-sung? Take it He says he’s never coming back He thinks there’s no one for him... but his mom Where's Eun-sung? Where's Eun-sung? Where's Eun-sung? Han-sung This is Hae-bins You keep it from now on Hae-bin must be happy... that were cool again Han-sung... Ye-won is a sweet girl Just like that... he left... without saying goodbye Cold, isn't it? No, not really Are you okay? I mean the SAT is tomorrow Of course Han-sung Hold on Good luck on the SAT Thanks I'll do my best What about Hyo-bin? Her boyfriend must have bought her one She's crazy about this guy I don't know how she will do on the test Really? You worked hard for a year Good luck Thanks, I hope I get a good score so I can go to school with you I got in on an athletic scholarship I don't know about you Come on I'm very athletic too - Yeah, right - Don't underestimate me Good job, girls Good luck on your next one Ye-won What's the answer for this one? I got it wrong Isn't the answer number 4? God! Let me see yours Trying to get a perfect score or what? You're good at English Don't worry about it I might drink with Seung-pyo and jump off the idge! Shut up and go back to your seat What movie are the two people watching? Listen to the following dialogue and pick the right answer Good bye Juliet let's say farewell now Romeo is this the end for us? I hope we meet again soon When shall we meet again? Let's meet on the first day of snow fall Can we really meet together again? I'll be waiting for that day I love you Romeo I love you too, Juliet Question, When do they promise to meet? Rainy day... Cloudy day... On the day of the first snow Student? Where are you going? Ye-won Good luck You left without saying goodbye What made you come back? Tell me Why'd you come back? Ye-won A true love requires no words JI Eun-sung was the man I could spent the rest of my life with He was as cool as he was a year ago They're Kissing, kissing... You're so pretty What's your name? I'm... live in Si-heung, Gyunggi-do in Solbit maeul, Shincheon-dong My name is HAN Ye-won Action! Action! Let's go! Spicy noodles Spicy noodles Drop it He was sucking on it, man Sure, sure, sure - Eun-sung run... - Eun-sung run away Oh you fucking bastards

Presented by BM Film Distributed by Hapdong Inc. Co-distribution Prime Pictures SONG Seung-heon JUNG Da-bin Based on a novel by Guiyeoni Produced by KWAK Seung-nam HE WAS COOL Written and Directed by Hey! You had to butt in, didn’t you? You asshole! Thank you! - Eun-sung? - JI Eun-sung? Who are these chicks? - Where do you go to school? - Doil Girls' High Doil Girls' High? Doil Girls' High... Okay Okay I won again This is no fun Let's see what's new on school website To Dogs at Doil Girls' High... JI Eun-sung? If I see you dogs downtown you’re all dead Look who's talking here Beat it, asshole! This is weak I can do better You disgust me, jerk! - Hello? - Want your ass kicked? - What? - You have some nerve - I think you have the wrong... - Hey! Who do you think you are? Who's this? This is JI Eun-sung JI Eun-sung? You’re all dead! JI Eun-sung What do you want? What? This is JI Eun-sung from the vocational school! So what? Are you kidding me? Stop bothering me! Who was that? Some sicko! He said... - This is JI Eun-sung. - JI Eun-sung... One from the vocational school? - You know him? - Sure, He’s a bully He’s beaten up every boy Really? Why did he call you? This chemical is good Your hair will be as straight Hard to believe? See it for yourself afterwards You'll be amazed Aren't you answering it? I don't think so - Hi - Hey, boys I'm lonely I'm so freaking lonely Dye it back in black Why don’t we wait at school? That's too much She needs to learn a lesson I will take care of her Take care of your family first Your mom has run! He's a total joke Isn't he, Hyun-sung? Hello? Want your ass kicked? Kick it all you want! This is like damn hiking! She’s dead meat now - Send her a message - Okay Meet me at the gate after class If you run, you’re dead - What should I do? - What? - JI Eun-sung! - JI What? JI... Eun... Sung! If I get caught playing - Sorry - I'm screwed Who are those boys? - Where the hell is she? - They're them, aren't they? Wait all you want there - Follow me You're embarrassing me Yeah You wanna jump over the wall? Wanna run into it then? Take the main gate if you want him to kill you Watch me Here I go! Hey! Are you okay? - Kyung-won! - What are you doing? Stop right there! Damn! Don't come over, you do that and you're dead Damn! KA BOOM! - I was gonna warn you, but... Stop right now Get back here Go back Right Ill get you more later Eun-sung Are we muggers? I think not! What do you want from me? Be responsible - What? - Responsible for What? Were getting married What's he talking about? You are the first chick So be responsible He doesn't even hold hands You’d better accept your fate You were hiding like a cat What? You're gonna get it! What should I do with you? Damn, it's dirty Run again, and you're dead Call me - Let's go - You'd better call Are you nuts? She’s a dog! I know, Just my luck! Her friend is okay though You look cool with it I spent 100 bucks on it So help me get into college I’m this desperate God, the color sucks! Is college worth this? I thought that lady next door Should I wear moms? - Brother - Why? Shit! Get the hell out Get out! Can I use your cell phone? Use yours! It's been cut off That's your problem I have to call Jung-min You didn't make fried rice for me What goes around comes around Mom, he’s being weird! Is he watching porn again? Yes! Mom! Hold on Take it with you - He's dead! - Mom! Candy? It's me Mr. Killer Smile! Oh, I know You want money up front? No, I'm not a prostitute! I'm not saying you are We're just helping each other - Get away from me! - Not a prostitute You didn't do that while we were chatting - Why - Wait! Wait! No, I cant hold it any longer - Let me go please! - Let's go You give, and I take Stop screaming I'm not a bad guy No! Stop playing naive! What's your problem? Hey! What the fuck is this?! They’re fucking ambushing me! - Get out - So What? What do you mean? This isn't my car - So What? - Eun-sung, Let him go I borrowed it Isn't she that chick? Act your freaking age She's that Miss Ass! What are you doing out this late? Kicked out of the house? I'm better - looking than you all! I can still earn my ead fucking bastard Eat this, punks! - That asshole! - I will take care of him I could’ve caught him You hook? I was kidnapped! Miss Ass where do you live? My legs! Stars look better up here though God! Damn dogs! There’s dog poop everywhere! What a neighborhood! Come on! Stop yelling at me This is it Go ahead Miss Ass! Didn't I tell you to call me? You rape me and run? My cell phone has been cut off Use your home phone then It's been cut off too Your family is that poor? Use whatever and call me Get it? Bye It's a dead end Call me It's a dead end This way? Hello? - It's me - me who? You told me to call Do you know what time it is now? Not this late! - Thanks for... - Right Call me tomorrow Otherwise, you're dead What are you doing? I was gonna ask you, but... Fix me fried rice He's the only other I have I can't believe he’s my other I absolutely hate him! - Hey - Jesus Christ! Don't sneak up on me like that! Cooking this late? Make me some too I'm hungry What am I, a maid? God! Rub it hard with your hands Use your hands and scrub it off! Why can't they aim right? Chicks are worse than boys! Why can't they go at home? This is so unfair! We jumped over the wall together And she's the only one What'd you say? I hooked up? That's not it Let me know when you’re done Okay? How'd she know? The flasher must be back Really? HAN Ye-won! Want your ass kicked? They must be going out I told you not to run, didn't I? I was gonna call you, but... Meet me at SAAB at 8 What? What kind of place is SAAB? You haven't called Jung-min - Oh, I forgot! - He’s coming to Korea soon - Really? - Who’s that? - He's my testicle friend - Come on, you don’t have any! He's my boyfriend in America America? Oh, Yankee! Hey! You can meet that jerk if I ditch you Who says you can? Who says I'd go out with you? I do! If you love me... Pick up these peanuts Fool! Damn! Is your friend always like that? He's just working on her Is he? Come on, it's green I don't like being touched Okay Keep your hands to yourself Hey, JI Eun-sung! What are you dong out this late? Eun-sung What are you... doing here? - Who's she? - That's miss Ass Oh, the one that sat on you? You guys are going out? But you have Hyo-bin Stop toying with a little girl Hit the road, will you? Don’t be scared Your face disgusts me Keep it at home, okay? You're a contamination Let's go, girls Hurry up, fool! Where'd you go with him? - A video room - Yeah? What'd you watch? We were kind of busy I don't really remember - Hello? - Miss Ass what's up? Don't call me that! What should I call you then? Miss Butt? JI Eun-sung, get up here! Damn, I got caught It's all your fault Get your ass up here now! - I'm coming! - What the... Just a second Make yourself available Okay? I’m busy tomorrow One more thing Don’t call me in class They're studying Bye Who was it? JI Eun-sung? Who? JI Eun-sung? You just talked to Eun-sung? - Yeah - You're really seeing him? He can't see enough of you can he? I know Quite bothering God! God damn it! Are you doing it on purpose? It's been hours! I told you I couldn't play Let's play without her Kyung-won, show her Okay Watch her and learn She’s really good Step aside I can't believe you can't do it Watch me That's it That's okay At least you hit the ball Good job Much better than you anyway Hae-bin taught him Who's that? Hae-bin and Eun-sung... Hey! Let's play pool, okay? Hi, nice meeting you This is a lover letter for you Read it What's this? Funeral Service A letter of challenge? Funny, isn't it? I'm warning you Don't get smart with me and run You're digging your graves What the... Hey! Let me ask you one thing What's that you always carry? A missile? A missile?! Curious? Wanna find out? Be there, and you’ll find out Laughing? You think I’m funny? What? Who's chirping here? JI Eun-sung It's been a while - Hi Who's he? Hyo-bins other Wanna play with us? Fuck! Let's go Come on! You asshole! See you soon Let's go Two things that are most They're fire and fighting Out of curiosity... You don't have your boys hiding out somewhere Do you? - That'd be embarrassing - Would it? Your face is more embarrassing God damn it They're fighting soon - Let's get closer LEE Kyung-won! - That asshole is Eun-sung? - Get him! - Son of a bitch! Eun-sung, run! Fuck! Don't run, asshole! Fuck My legs are missiles, asshole! He's beating up my friend! Let's go get him! Friend Are you okay? Didn't you tell me You stay back That asshole... Let go! You’ve turned him into a vegetable, asshole You’re bad, real bad Ye-won Keep your eyes closed I don't have a watch Damn! Hit him! Hide in the corner 5, 6... 48, 49, 50... You son of a bitch... You sure can fight Fucking asshole! You wanted to know Disappointed? You... Asshole! 98, 99, 100! Let's go Where were you hiding? - Hold still No patches on my face! I could've taken care of them Take care of your face, man Are you okay? - No. - Let me see - I think it's dislocated - Here? That's right... Sorry For what? You don't like being touched It's okay What's the occasion? Just don’t touch my ass I wouldn't for the world! Were going away on Saturday Really? It sounds fun You're coming with us But my friend is coming It's my birthday Really? - I'm sorry to miss it - Let me tell You You should be with me - I haven't seen him in 3 years - You're coming If you don't... You'll be very sorry Sure! Sure, sure, sure I'm very busy now Can I call you back? It's my birthday - Aren't you coming? - I'm really sorry But this was set long ago Eun-sung, get down here What the... You call yourself a man? Ye-won! - It's me Jung-min! - You're really Jung-min? - It's been a while! - It's been years! I got you flowers The scarf you bought me - Does it? - I'm telling you Run, run, run - and this - hey hey hey... - Quick, Quick, quick... - Jump, jump... Right, right... What kind of jump? What are you doing here? Hey You're Kyung-won, aren't you? It's me Jung-min - Jung-min! - Jung-min, you're gonna die Give me a minute, I'll give you a kiss when I’m done To the right! Up! Up! Why'd you turn off your phone? Eun-sung had so many things prepared for you He did? He's such a cutie He's outside, freaking pissed Why doesn't he come in? Are you out of your... Hey, Eun-sung Don't you look good! Hey, off the game - What? - You heard me Why should we? We wanna play it Who the hell are you? Are you okay? Why didn't you come? You're being so cheap You're being so childish Cheap? Childish? Leave Ye-won alone! You Yankee! Jung-min! JI Eun-sung! What? Go ahead, Say it What's wrong with you? Suffering from a lack of love? Let's go Kyung-won Come on, lets dance No, you guys go ahead - Dancing can help you - When you feel shitty What are you looking at? Ye-won! I'm going to the bathroom - Where's she going? - To fix her makeup Now she's getting warmed up Long time, no see Who are you? It's me Can't remember? She's the bitch I told you about SONG Seung-heon Look You're Eun-sung's squeeze? I oke up with him Would you mind? You oke up? They oke up Is this what you expected? Think again! Were through He ditched me, okay? Don't get fresh with us! You're Eun-sung's chick! Hey Who says he's her man? He's my man! Who the fuck is this? Can't you see? I’m Eun-sungs chick What's going on here? He's a two-timer? Am I nuts? Why would I lie to you? I think you’re nuts Call him now Eun-sung I'm at Juliana Ugly assholes are bugging me Hurry over, Eun-sung Listen, Hyo-bin Don’t come here! It's a trap! Fuck! Eun-sung - Two - Come quickly - One - Eun-sung - Two - Come quickly - One - Eun-sung - Two - Come quickly Come on, louder You! Take a eak over there What are you doing? Damn! She’s pretty, fool One Eun-sung Two Eun-sung! I'm not here for you Eun-sung I knew you'd come Get out of here - JI Eun-sung - Get out of here Let the girls go Let the girls go Let them go, fuckers! You son of a bitch! That bastard is JI Eun-sung Eun-sung! Are you sure you're not hurt? Are you okay? Step on him! Eun-sung! Ye-won Where's Eun-sung? Are you okay? Is he dead? Please, stop seeing him What? I really like him I've had a 3-year-long crush on him So what? Please I'm begging you Hey... Ye-won Were friends, aren't we? Please Tell him you’re leaving him But... - I... - Will you do that for me? Won't you? Eun-sung she has something to tell you Don't you? How are you holding up? What are you doing here? You’re okay Right? Get out of here Hey That's not it Should I tell him for you? Eun-sung She doesn't wanna Right, Ye-won? That's good I don't wanna see you either Please... Please... Don't be sick Hello? Eun-sung? Is this Eun-sung? Ye-won I'm at ShinWol primary school Are you drunk? - Come here now - You shouldn't have drunk Eun-sung? Eun-sung? JI Eun-sung! Ye-won HAN Ye-won! Why didn't you answer your phone? - Just because... - you How'd you know? You're such a fool! Yeah, I am I know I’m a fool but I don’t know what to do That's not it! Didn’t you know its main gate and the back gate look the same? Where were you? I heard Eun-sung waited all night in front of the main gate Hey! Ye-won! Take a good care of yourself I will be back later You didn't go to school? What are you doing here? You waited all night? Tell me Did you? Get out Beat it! Were a couple of fools You make me miserable So leave What the fuck! Didn’t you hear him? Can I talk to you for a second? You come with me! Come on - You're dead! Why don't you leave her alone? JI Eun-sung! What the fuck are you doing? HAN Ye-won you don’t even know him! Hyo-bin! Cut it out Eun-sung that goes same for you KIM Hyun-sung - What'd you just say? - Come on, guys Cut it out? Fuck! You all listen You think I'm nothing Wang Bit-na You don't know what's scary Try me if you dare Consider yourself lucky, bitch Let's go, guys He needs absolute rest I waited at the back gate - Did you know that? - Ye-won, I'm warning you No more games with me, okay? How dare you I don't Look who's talking here I have something to ask her You're... Ye-won, I was wondering... What's Kyung-won up to? Get out of here! He's desperate, isn't he? Your hands are cold My hands are always cold but my heart is not Give me your hand - What? - Your hand Hold on You have big hands Like bears feet Did you read that Alibaba? I read that when I was little Really? What about Snow White? The dwarfs are in it - Cinderella? - She steals the shoes So What about The Little Mermaid? Stop it! They think they're at a cafe? You think I'm that ignorant? The Little Mermaid... She dies after eating an apple So stop it You're unbelievable Damn! I hope that kills you Get back here Ye-won! Keep it quiet, man What? Watch the damn movie It's okay Come here If I lay my hands on you Here comes the cream cake for you I'm not eating it Try it I don't like cream cakes I bought it for you Cant you pretend you like it? Why would I? Am I nuts? - What's this? - Leave my phone alone Is this a radio? A hammer? This is a piece of junk - Hey! - Use mine What's the pin number? Your birthday Aren't your parents coming? Why do you ask? I thought it would be nice if I... That's enough Go home I'm taking a nap You have so many secrets - I don't - You do too! - No - You don't like being touched and talking about your folks You wanna know? Yes! I can't tell you - Why not? - I can't I wont tell you even if you threaten to cut my throat Stop asking You're at it again I'm leaving - HAN Ye-won - What? Go straight home If you go to a disco again What do you care? HAN Ye-won! What now? I freaking like you So easy JI Eun-sung! What? I freaking like you too I will kick your ass! This is my desk This is the plant I raise I don’t know its name Isn't that phone cute? And I have the moon in my room This is my bed Pretty? Wait That's me with my friend Boorish, huh? Wait, you got a voice mail Mind if I listen to it? Why don't you answer your phone? Sorry about yesterday I was afraid Hyo-bin might tell Ye-won everything about you So let it go Okay? I'll take care of Hyo-bin So don't worry Call me if you get this Eun-sung? Did you get my message? This is Ye-won But this is his phone I heard your message What about Hyo-bin? It's nothing Come on, tell me I can't I'm busy Hyun-sung You know I like you Why me? Eun-sung will kill me if I tell you Come on, Hyun-sung Eun-sung's father died from AIDS You didn't know, did you? I learned about it when I was in middle school He once told me... When they went on a picnic no kid would hold his hands He was always alone They're kissing, kissing... Why don't you kiss him and say happy birthday? My mom told me his daddy died from AIDS You got something to tell me? No Nothing I just wanted to hear your voice Did you eat? I’m eating noodles Why eat noodles? You should eat healthy food Food here sucks Feel like drinking Forget it and go home Okay, I will - Hey - Jesus Christ! Don't sneak up on me! What's wrong with you? Why surprised? - Is that for me? - Don't touch it Damn! Don't! - Let me have some - No way Damn! Go away, you gourmand! He's such a pain! Kimbab, fruit Kimbab... You have some nerve I told you not to come here Did I not? How dare you kiss him How touching Why don't you move in with him? Do you have any idea how his father died? I do So what? So what? What'd you do that for? You crazy bitch! Get the hell up How could you do this to me? Get up! Get up! You're a fucking joke Eun-sung is my man Why did you do something you'd regret? Stay away from him You hear? Don't fake it, bitch What the fuck is wrong with you people? Eun-sung... What the hell are you doing? We're just... I did it I beat her up Because I fell sorry for Hyo-bin Okay? Eun-sung... Eun-sung! Hey Ye-won? Hey Can you hear me? They beat you good, didn’t they? - Not really - Don't lie to me - Really - Why didn't you scream when you were beaten? I can't believe what a fool you are Eun-sung What? Look... I have something to tell you Don't interrupt me or leave Promise me I never make promises Yesterday... Hyun-sung told me everything He didn't wanna tell me but I insisted What? My dad died from fucking AIDS? Watch your mouth I cant keep that promise If you leave like that I wont see you ever again Why do you always take off? You will leave me now JI Eun-sung! Don’t you know what AIDS is? I might have HIV virus in my blood, okay? Don’t leave me for that Even if you were HIV positive I would never leave you So don't leave me Ye-won You're so funny Will you hold me? What? Eun-sung You smell like a baby Ye-won - Your hair smells real bad - Hey! - When'd you wash it? - Come on! That Kimbab was too salty Who beat up my girl? - Don't worry, Mom - In the case of fire... I will rip their noses open What number 1 doing there he's opening the window - In case of fire... - Mom! You're early - Who are you? - Hi He's my friend Oh, I see You're my princess boyfriend - Nice to meet you - Daddy! You bastard! - I'm out of here See you No fucking manners! He's very manly Isn't he cool? This is what happens when you hang out with jerks like him! - Mom! - Honey, calm down Hello? What's wrong with your voice? Did you cry? I'm a man, I never cry Don't lie I know you cried I miss her I miss you, too Not you, my mom Should I come over? Don't I'll lock the door if you do Eun-sung I hope you open your heart to me I'm coming, okay? You know what I’ve wanted to say the most since 7? Mom, see you after school Soon after my dad died... she left me too Are you listening? Eun-sung, I’m here Where? Here! Where... What are you doing here? Here Han-sung asked me - Who? - Han-sung KIM Han-sung! - Don't mention him - What's wrong with you? Why do you hate him so much? I'm going Stay over tonight What? We spent our first night together But he left the hospital without telling me How could he do that? He's so bad You're out of the hospital? Your uncle was so worried Sorry, I didn't come to see you - Don't worry about it - Don't be saying that You still beat up kids? What are you, a thug? Your mom wrote to you again So pig-headed! You're very close, boy You'd better listen to me Eun-sung, you should try to understand your uncle He's just worried about you I mean, who'd look after you even if you're in Korea? Hey, this is a good chance to go America Isn't that so nice? Don't worry about anything our uncle's gonna take care of everything You just get ready to go, okay? Ye-won, congratulations! Kyung-won It's been a while Why didn't you return my calls? - Hi - Hey, there Eun-sung couldn't make it today Were late, aren't we? Long time, no see - Oh God! - Hey, you... Isn't that the same scarf as mine? I see you're done packing We're leaving Let's go Let's go do STARCRAFT - Let go - I will Let you win He has the same fucking scarf! Who would it be? I bet you know - I really don't - I Don't believe you Hey, little girl Get in Why should I? I'm doing this on behalf of Hyo-bin Yeah, you have a lot of bags I will go with Jung-min - Let's go - Hey See you later Nice car, isn't it? He stole his fathers car so we could give you a ride Cold, aren't you? Han-sung Isn't it too hot? If Eun-sung saw us together he would ditch me instantly What do you care? - He didn't even pick you up - None of your business! It is Well be seeing each other often I don't think that's gonna happen Close that thing, will you? Kyung-won said I was being too uptight with Eun-sung Is that right? Then again, I know As she advised I’ve decided to visit him What should I get him? Nice! So cute! Give me a pair Cheapest ones please They're all same Give me the smartest ones then They're all stupid They don't even recognize me Cute, isn't she? So cute! Eun-sung, you keep the female and I keep the male But the female is prettier No Eun-sung, you keep the female and I keep the male Are you buying those? If not... - Go! - I'll take them! How about this? No, it only looks good on me What should I wear then? Think about it What if Eun-sung dresses up and waits in front of our school? How would you feel? So... - That would be awesome - That's it Sexy! Sexy? You'd be understanding and accepting someone else's feelings and be more grown up and accept morality... Eun-sung! Damn! I'll finish it soon now, don't and thus, like... I mean I mean, know the foundation of life and try to become healthy teenagers both mind and body That is everything for now That was your headmaster speaking Now you're going to pick up garbage and cigarette butts on the sports ground Everybody, face backward No! Oh God... Eyes down! If I catch you peeking What the hell are you doing? Eun-sung you keep the female - and I keep the... - You're embarrassing me! What the hell do you have on? What are you, a ze a? I just... What's that? A fucking dog? - A rabbit - A rabbit? Here are pincers I'll decoy the teacher Do whatever you were doing And I got the names of those who were peeking Keep your eyes down! Move aside I can't believe this is happening! Why’d you put your head in there? Hold on, Teacher Stop, teacher - Hey Eun-sung, what are you doing? - Get out of here - He called a hooker to school?! Like this? God! Yes, like that! My dear, my dear my sweetheart... on a rainy, lonely day Let's eat spicy noodles You have Samsun noodle I'll have super-size spicy noodles On this windy lonely day Let's eat spicy noodles together Fresh noodles will tie our love together and heartening soup Hahahahahahahaha Spicy noodles Spicy noodles Spicy noodles Why? It's nice, Do it again You wanna sing? Ye-won Have you been hit It's really loud Ye-won Sing me another song Even if I give the whole world I would not change you with anything, my friend Next to me Love is mine When I'm next to you the world is mine I can do anything if it makes you happy JI Eun-sung I didn't know you could draw Who is she? My girlfriend But she looks so young Stop it Here Eun-sung, you're a good singer So cool That's nothing Which is mine? This own one is female Her name is Ye-won She's too ugly So cute Let me tell you I was so scared back then Yeah? Should I destroy that phone booth? - I will be right back - No! - No, Let me destroy it - It's okay - Makes me feel so bad - No, no, it's okay - It's okay Eun-sung - are you sure? Yes Let me know any time It won't take a second I just don't like it here Many bad things have happened Then we should let good - Good things? - Right Well... yes We can meet here - Really? - You scared me! What's all the fuss? Damn! Frankly... I've had this dream What dream? Listen I have this fantasy about the first snowfall In a beautiful park the first snow of the year comes On the hill stands a castle where I live A castle? - What are you, A princess? - I'm not done! There's this man who loves me waiting for me dressed in black And I watch him blindly So romantic Isn't it? And... This man... You know what he says to me? So many motels here! - Motel Royal, Motel Pink... - Were you listening? Hey you JI Eun-sung! Isn't it obvious? I love you, Marry me That's so corny Wrong! A true love requires no words What would you know? - You... - Hey, Eun-sung You raise a rabbit like a bitch? What has happened to you? What'd I tell you? Good thing you guys oke up Look at that bitch Damn! Here What are you doing?! I don't want it JI Eun-sung! You still have feelings Do whatever you want with it Eun-sung? I'm so sorry I thought I was calling Kyung-won I have something to say to Kyung-won I punched a wrong number Eun-sung Aren't you gonna call me? Please pick up Please pick up Please, please... Eun-sung? I thought I was calling Kyung-won Yeah, you are Are you high, or what? Get a life! Why the hell did you pick up?! - Hello? - Hello? Hello? Who's this? It's me, your daughter Where are you, Mom? What? Are you going crazy? Where are you? I'm home Home? I'm home! Did you drink or something? Come home right now! What's she talking about? Eun-sung Good to be outside, huh? Wait for a while They'll pay me double tonight I'll feed you when I’m done Hurry, kid Coming! Don't fall asleep Shouldn't you be studying? Not easy to make money, huh? Work hard! Better luck next time Yeah, next time Let's go, boys Alone? I didn't follow you here I'm with the guys Wanna come with us? Is Eun-sung coming? - Hello? - Were all gathered Isn't it only for seniors? That's right Your chick is here Cheers! You know what? I think I’m leaving You are? He shouldn't have lied to you Sorry about that It's okay I'll take you home Eun-sung's coming soon Wait a little longer Hey - What's up with him? - That asshole! Let's go HAN Ye-won Get your ass out! - Asshole! - Hey! Sit down Eun-sung Since you’re here eat with us What am I, a beggar? Eun-sung I'm your senior Don't forget that Ye-won is my girl Don't forget that You son of a bitch! You ruined my shirt! Come on Come on, asshole What? Eun-sung Eun-sung, yesterday... I just didn't want you to fight You're mistaken, Eun-sung Listen to me I just didn't want you I don't wanna hear that name Eun-sung cant you trust me? You misunderstood Why don't you let me... Okay, fine! Go have fun with him Fine Whatever You're always like this You always... get your way Open it Open it Open the fucking door! It's yours So long Please write to me - and call me - why do you cry? If he makes you cry once again I'm not gonna sit here and do nothing Okay? Hey, you're crying again What's the matter Shouldn't they try to catch me? - There must be something - Oh you bastard Oh it's true It's your birthday aren’t you meeting Eun-sung? I don't know Wanna go to a disco with me? I'm not in the mood Ye-won What's that? How did you do that? Happy birthday How did you know? Have you decided? This one What's her size? That's... Can I see your hand? What? I have something to ask Can I? What is it? Why does Eun-sung hate you so much? Fine don't tell me If you don’t I'll drink myself to death There was this guy named Hae-bin He was like a other to Eun-sung He was my best buddy Eun-sung got into the vocational school after him Last fall... Eun-sung, him And me... we took a night train to the beach I can't see Hae-bin - Hey Hae-bin, Shin Hae-bin - Hey, other - Here! - Hae-bin! Hey let go - No, you bastard - other - Hae-bin! - No way Let go stupid bastard he's dying Hae-bin! After Hae-bin died He started... hating me He blamed me for his death saying he could've saved him if I hadn't stopped him He called me a coward Is that... Why he went out with Hyo-bin? Just to get back at you? Hae-bin liked Hyo-bin a lot And she liked Eun-sung Just like you like Eun-sung... ...and I like you What? You... You like me? God, its a love triangle! This is nothing but a comedy! Eun-sung You Pour me another shot No? Fine, I'll pour myself a shot You've had enough Let's call it a night It's gone Sorry Hey, what are you doing? If I go out with you will you be nice to me? And buy me lots of presents? What present do you want? Eun-sung Not a person His picture then How about clothes? Eun-sung’s underwear Han-sung I have to go pee Ye-won you know what? At your others graduation wearing a red coat you were so pretty You were... stuck on your other like a magnet It snowed a lot that day I followed you around to talk to you I ended up slipping in the snow On the first snowfall this winter... I wanted to buy you a present See you... again This is my desk This is the plant I raise I don't know its name Isn't that phone cute? And I have the moon in my room This is my bed, Pretty? That's me with my friend when I was in kindergarten What's he doing? Who the hell are you? What the... Stop right there! You son of a bitch! Hey! Want your ass kicked? Should I beat you here or outside? Outside Eun-sung’s going to America What? To buy a present for your birthday he worked so hard Carrying icks and sand... He worked his ass off at a construction site How could you hook up with Han-sung? Take it He says he’s never coming back He thinks there’s no one for him... but his mom Where's Eun-sung? Where's Eun-sung? Where's Eun-sung? Han-sung This is Hae-bins You keep it from now on Hae-bin must be happy... that were cool again Han-sung... Ye-won is a sweet girl Just like that... he left... without saying goodbye Cold, isn't it? No, not really Are you okay? I mean the SAT is tomorrow Of course Han-sung Hold on Good luck on the SAT Thanks I'll do my best What about Hyo-bin? Her boyfriend must have bought her one She's crazy about this guy I don't know how she will do on the test Really? You worked hard for a year Good luck Thanks, I hope I get a good score so I can go to school with you I got in on an athletic scholarship I don't know about you Come on I'm very athletic too - Yeah, right - Don't underestimate me Good job, girls Good luck on your next one Ye-won What's the answer for this one? I got it wrong Isn't the answer number 4? God! Let me see yours Trying to get a perfect score or what? You're good at English Don't worry about it I might drink with Seung-pyo and jump off the idge! Shut up and go back to your seat What movie are the two people watching? Listen to the following dialogue and pick the right answer Good bye Juliet let's say farewell now Romeo is this the end for us? I hope we meet again soon When shall we meet again? Let's meet on the first day of snow fall Can we really meet together again? I'll be waiting for that day I love you Romeo I love you too, Juliet Question, When do they promise to meet? Rainy day... Cloudy day... On the day of the first snow Student? Where are you going? Ye-won Good luck You left without saying goodbye What made you come back? Tell me Why'd you come back? Ye-won A true love requires no words JI Eun-sung was the man I could spent the rest of my life with He was as cool as he was a year ago They're Kissing, kissing... You're so pretty What's your name? I'm... live in Si-heung, Gyunggi-do in Solbit maeul, Shincheon-dong My name is HAN Ye-won Action! Action! Let's go! Spicy noodles Spicy noodles Drop it He was sucking on it, man Sure, sure, sure - Eun-sung run... - Eun-sung run away Oh you fucking bastards

Good evening. Sure is hot, huh ? l'm back. Thanks. Another plastic bag ? lt's just a carton of milk. But they just give it to you. You don't have to take it. Oh, l'd like some, please. And you, Father ? Some wheat tea ? Sure. l'll have some. Be right there. Thanks. Can l use it ? l'm printing right now. Maybe we should buy a portable word processor after all. This smoke stinks. You should have gone to Kashirazaki, too, Shizuku. lt's okay, l can't keep up with Sis. Oh yeah l've gotta go to work tomorrow. You need a lunch ? Don't worry, l'll eat out. Our li ary's finally changing to a bar code system. So things are really busy. Then you are changing it. l liked the card catalogs better. Yeah, l do too. Hey Something's wrong with this composition. What? Where ? Look, here This name... Shizuku, books are fine, but you should go to sleep. Okay. Good night. l thought l remembered seeing this name... And here, too. This guy's amazing. He borrowed all of them before l did. Amasawa Seiji... What kind of person is he ? l wonder if he's cool or not ? Shizuku, will you get up ? l'm going out now ! Oh, geez. You just slept that way? Get the rice ready ! Have a good day. What ?! lt's that late ?! l have to meet Yuuko ! My wallet ! What ? Did you forget it again ? Yeah ! That's strange. ls it next to the phone ? Here it is ! You're the one who put it there. Oh, l'm gonna be late ! Remember to lock up ! What a ditz. Boy, are they flying low ! Something great's gonna happen today ! Wow, it's hot. Yoo-hoo ! How's it goin' ? C'mon, let's do it ! Hey, Shizuku ! Hey ! Go for it ! Miss Kousaka, are you in ? Oh, it's you, Tsukishima. What's up ? Can l please ask a favor ? What kind ? l hope it's nothing strange. Can you open the li ary, please ? The li ary ? Can't you wait until they open normally ? But l've already read all my books. And the county li ary's closed today. l've decided to read twenty books during vacation. Twenty books? But you're supposed to be studying for your exams. C'mon, hurry it up. Let's see...Got it ! Hurry and ing it over ! C'mon, c'mon. Get out your reading card and your li ary card. Here you go. Hey, look at this. No one's ever checked this out. This is a rare book. They don't have it at the county li ary. Amasawa... Teach ! Any idea what this ''Amasawa'' person is like ? Geez, now l messed up. Probably the donor of the book. l wouldn't know about something that old. Try asking our veteran teachers. Shizuku ! Oh, geez ! So this is where you are ! After you said you'd be at the entrance at eleven ! You made me wait in the sun for fifteen minutes ! Now l'll get even more freckles ! l...l'm sorry. Hey, hey ! Not so loud. You worry too much about your freckles, Harada. Teach this is a serious problem for me ! Oh, right ! Right ! Out, out ! That way, that way ! l did what l could but it's not that great. Think l should have kept it in English ? ''Over the green hills, white clouds drift so slow.'' ''Near to the road that goes up to the city.' ''lnside the old room by the small window.'' ''The old dog waits for him to come back soon.' ''Country Road, take me home, too.'' ''On this distant road, whose end l can't see.'' ''West Virginia, Mountain Mamma.'' ''To my home town, l long to see.'' This isn't bad. lt sucks! Too conventional. You think so ? l did this one, too. ''Concrete road, wherever you go.'' ''Forests give rise to valleys far away.'' '''Western Tokyo, on Mount Tama.'' ''My home lies on Concrete Road.'' What is this ? So, what'd you want to talk about ? You don't need any poems translated, right ? Shizuku, is there anyone you like ? l just wish it was a mutual attraction. lt's exam time, and we could work together and cheer each other up. So there's someone you like, Yuuko ? You already got a love letter ?! Not so loud ! When ? How is he ? ls he cute ? He's from a different class... And he's kind of cute... Why don't you go out with him ? You can stop if you don't like him. Yeah, but... So there's someone else you like ?! There's no use hiding it ! C'mon ! Might as well 'fess up ! Umm... it's Su... Su... TSUKlSHlMA ! Can you get my bag for me ?! Sugimura ! Yeah ! Just throw it here ! Oh, shut up ! You don't even play that well ! That's mean ! l won three games as a regular ! Yuuko ? So Sugimura's the one that you like, huh ? What should l do ? He might have found out. l was so... Oh, don't worry. He's too stupid to know. What'll you do about the love letters you got ? l have to think a little longer. l see. You're lucky. They don't keep telling you to ''Study, study !'' at your house. lt's kind of rough when they don't do that, too. l don't know. Oops. Oh, no ! What's the matter ? l forgot my book ! l have to go back ! Nope ! You'll be late for your cram session ! l'll call you later. Sure ! T...that book is... Oh. ls this yours ? Here you go... Tsukishima Shizuku. How'd you know my name ? Gee, l wonder how ? My li ary card. You know you should drop that ''Concrete Road'' thing. YOU READ lT ! That jerk ! That jerk !That jerk ! That jerk ! THAT JERK ! ''You should drop that Concrete Road thing...'' l'm back ! Sis, you were due back today ? l'm beat. l was lucky to find someone driving this way and got a ride. Where's Mom ? She's still at her summer class. And Dad's at work. Shizuku, you should clean up a little. Did you make supper yet ? l was just going to... What is this ?! Shizuku, this place is a mess ! l'll go do it now. Didn't we decide to help Mom because she's so busy ? Put away the laundry when you're done with the rice. And l'll make dinner after l shower. Grandma says To come on over when you're in high school. Doing better with your studies ? lf you slack off just cause Mom and Dad don't push you... ...you'll really pay for it. l know ! Shizuku, will you get up already ? And do your own vacuuming. l'm cleaning bedsheets, so ing yours ! And put out the futons ! Where's Mom ? She's already gone. Hurry and clean up then take this lunch to Dad. What ?! What's your problem ? You're going to the li ary, right ? Or should l go instead ? lf so, then you clean the bathtub, the toilet And the front entrance. And start doing some real chores. Then put away the futons, go shopping, and make dinner. l'll be going ! Shizuku ! Take this to the mailbox ! What ? The MAlL BOX...ah Don't you dare look ! Don't forget to take off the clip ! Your boyfriend ? Dummy. Hey, Kitty Cat. On your own ? Where are you going ? Something neat outside ? Hey ! Answer me, will you ? l'm getting off here. How 'bout you ? See ya, Kitty Cat. He's heading towards the li ary ! Darn, this would've made such a great story. There he is ! What a steep hill ! Just how far does this go ? Kitty Cat. Kitty Cat. l wonder if he lives around here ? Where're you going, Kitty Cat ? Do you live around here ? l had no idea there was a place like this up here. What a mean cat His walks include teasing the dog. l wonder if he's teasing me, too ? l had no idea there were stores like this here. What a wonderful figurine. Are you the cat l saw earlier ? Oh, welcome ! l, umm... No, stay right there, stay right there. Feel free to look around. The Baron's bored, too. ls ''Baron'' the name of this figurine ? Yup. He's Baron Vunbert von Jiekingen. Great name, don't you think ? Oh, thanks. Thanks. l'm fine now. Magnificent clock, isn't it ? lt was found in a castle. lt was very badly rusted. Take a look. How pretty. What is it ? You'll find out when it's done. lt's really well made. Are those dwarves ? You sure know a lot. l see, so you know about dwarves, young lady ? Now take a look at the numbers. Let's see if this works. An elf ! Can you see alright ? Step up here. A princess ? That's right. These two fell in love ? Yup, but they live in different worlds. He's the king of the dwarves. When the clock strikes twelve She must return past the flock to her world. Even so He will always appear at that time And wait for the princess. The artisan who made this clock probably Had an unrequited love. So that's why the two seemed sort of sad. ls this clock running fast ? Uh, maybe by five minutes. Oh, no ! l gotta get to the li ary ! Goodbye ! Can l come visit again, sir ? lf you're going to the li ary you should go left ! l'm right above the li ary ! l've found a cool place ! This store's like right out of a story ! This is great ! Tsukishima ! Tsukishima Shizuku ! This is yours, right ? Kinda forgetful, aren't you ? Thank you. But how...? Gee, l wonder how ? The cat ! ls...is that cat yours ? You sure eat a pretty big lunch ! WRONG ! YOU'RE WRONG ! HEY ! Oh, you're here already ? What's with the scary face ? lt's kinda hard to explain. Huh ? Something wonderful happened Like finding a cave of treasures. Then one insensitive remark made it all collapse. Sounds complicated. Here to borrow books again today ? Yeah, l still have to read seven more books. You just never change. What about lunch ? l'll just eat out. Oh, really. Well, thanks. June 16th...Amazing... That Amasawa guy's read this book, too. What kind of person is he ? No, it couldn't be you ! Shizuku, hurry up ! Oh, we'll be late ! Um ella. The um ella. A new semester, and it just keeps raining. Stop complaining. You're studying because you want to, right? Make sure you study well ! Just leave it to me. Shizuku ! Hey ! Hurry up or you'll be late. l hate all these tests. We've got so many every day. Did you answer ''them ?'' No. He didn't write any more ? No. Maybe l should just turn him down. Maybe Yeah, maybe that's for the best. Sugimura ! Tsukishima Shizuku l know that ! Time's up ! Hand in your tests. Regular schedule this afternoon. Shizuku, let's go see Miss Kousaka. Can we go to the teacher's lounge first? Okay. Hey, Tsukishima. Check this out. What is it ? l was guessing, but l aced it ! Oh, such a lucky guy. l peeked during eak and saw l got a perfect score. Guess you're not just a stupid baseball player. You know Yuuko's good at guessing, too. Maybe you should study together ? With Harada ? Sugimura, Sugimura ! What's up ? Did you see this ? Let's go, Shizuku. Stop trying to get us together ! Was it obvious ? l was never good at guessing ! Sorry ! Excuse us. The donor of a book ? And you think l would know ? Sorry to bother you during lunch. lt's this imprint here. Let's see... Oh, that's Amasawa ! l've read this, too. Great book, isn't it ? Yes, definitely. So exactly what kind of person is this Amasawa ? lt was a few years ago. He was the head of the PTA. The PTA's... Um, do you know his first name ? First name ? Let's see...Mr. Kimura... ...remember what Amasawa's name was ? You know, at Amasawa Hospital ? Amasawa ? l'm pretty sure it was Kouichi. Amasawa Kouichi. Amasawa Kouichi... Tsukishima... one of Amasawa's children ln the same grade as you Didn't you know that ? Wha...?! l, uh... Thank you very much ! Sorry to bother you. Sorry about that. Shizuku, where're you going !? What a surprise ! l'm the one who should be surprised ! l think you owe me an explanation for this. Oh, sorry. Which way are you going, Shizuku ? What nerve ! Acting like he didn't even see me ! Who was that, Shizuku ? Where're you going ? That guy's a jerk ! But l won't run from him, either ! Oh, how cute ! Tsukishima noticed boys, huh ? Hey, Teach, l think spring has finally arrived for Shizuku, too ! l told you that isn't it ! You actually met the Prince of Books, then, right ? ls he handsome ? Look, l just wondered what kind of person he is. Hey, Yuuko. You know the guy's name, right ? So tell us. Yuuko ! Well, it was just a ief mention. l think it started with ''Ma'' something, or Masagi whatever ? ''Ama...'' That's just like Tsukishima to leave Without hearing the whole story. She wants to know but she doesn't want to know, right ? The hopeful heart suffers so ... lsn't it great ? Well, it's romantic, anyway. Fine, just go on and tease me like that. And after l wrote the verses for Country Road and all. You finished ? Let's see ! Let's see ! Great Shizuku ! Mistress of verse ! We promise to behave, so please show us ! Very well. Actually, l'm not too confident. l'm still not too sure what ''country home'' means. So l just had to go with what l felt on that. You outdid yourself. ''Country road.'' ''lt'll take me, back to my home town.'' ''l can feel it now, if l just keep to...'' ''...this far-off way, country road.'' lt's great, Shizuku. l like it. lt's not too hard to sing ? l think we can manage. lt'd be wasted if we gave it to the underclassmen. We should sing this at the thank you party, too. What ? The thank you party ? lmpulsive, aren't you ? This part's good. ''Living here all on my own.'' ''Owning no possessions, l made my way out of town.'' ''l must put my loneliness away...and protect myself, l'll learn to be strong'' All of you, school bell's ringing. Yes, ma'am ! The sky's clear ! lt's clear ! Shizuku ! You wanna go to the choir? We'll show them this song. lt's okay, l have to go to the li ary. Huh ? We've got tests tomorrow, you know. l'll study at the li ary. You really like it there ! See ya ! Bye-bye ! Harada...Listen, l'm sorry, but can l talk to you ? Have the flowers been watered ? The Baron's gone ! l wonder if he was sold ? Atelier Chikyuu-ya Nishi Shirou l wonder if he's named Nishi, too ? Shizuku ! Shizuku ! You've got a call from Yuuko ! You'll ruin your ears, Shizuku. Yuuko ? l can't hear you. Right. l'll be right there. Right. Okay, bye. Where're you going ? Not too far. What's wrong, Yuuko ? Shizuku...What's wrong ? What's with that look ? What should l do, Shizuku ? Sugimura's friend asked him To get an answer from me. Oh, boy... Why do you have to be the go-between ?! Hey ! He's just kinda stupid. And besides, Sugimura probably doesn't know how you really feel. l'll apologize to Sugimura. But l can't go to school looking like this. l'm skipping school tomorrow. The test, too ? Yes. l think l did pretty well. Shizuku, li ary again today ? l'm going to Yuuko's place to see her. Oh, say hi to her for us. Okay. Bye-bye ! Bye-bye ! Tsukishima ! Hold up ! Look, it's about Harada... ...and then she suddenly started to cry. So did l say something wrong or what ? Sugimura... ...didn't Yuuko ask you why you did that ? Yeah. Like l said, my friend on the team asked me... Wrong! She meant she really didn't want you to do that. You understand what that means ? l don't ! Spell it out for me ! Geez, you really are stupid ! lt means Yuuko's in love with you ! Huh ?!But, then... Man, that's a problem. A problem...! Poor Yuuko's the one with the problem ! She stayed home because of the shock ! B...but, l... l'm in love with you ! O...oh, no. You shouldn't joke around like that ! l'm not joking !l've been in love with you for a long time ! You can't ! l mean... l...well...but... Do you hate me ? Are you going out with someone ? l'm not going out with anybody... B...but... l'm sorry ! Wait ! Tsukishima, you have to tell me ! We've always been friends so l do like you, Sugimura. But when you mean in that way... l'm sorry. l can't say this right... You mean we're just friends? Even after this ? Dummy ! The only stupid one was yourself ! Just a minute, Tsukishima. You got a package. Oh, thanks so much again. You're so nice, always giving us stuff. Oh, don't worry, we can't eat it all anyway. Oh, you're home ? Shizuku ? Yoo-hoo. Did you get locked out, too ? ls this house your home ? Are you hungry ? Well, you're not cute, either. Just like me. Why did l have to change ? l used to be such a nice and honest kid before. Even when l'm reading a book l don't feel the excitement l used to. Now it's like someone whispering in my heart saying that l can't go on like this. l'm not cute at all. Hey, it's Tsukishima. l'm surprised Moon lets you pet him. Hey, Moon, aren't you here to visit ? ls the cat's name Moon ? Doesn't he look like a full moon ? That's why l call him Moon. You mean Moon isn't your cat ? You can't tell cats what to do. l think he's called ''Egg'' at another house. He probably has other names. So he's a stray, then. That's right ! Moon commutes by taking the train. The train ? That's right. He was riding the train by himself. l followed him and came here. And then here's this wonderful store. lt's like a fairy tale inside the store. l said some bad things about him. l told him he wasn't cute, and that he was just like me. Moon is like you ? You don't look alike at all ! T...that cat must be at least half ghost. And you... ls the store owner okay ? l was wondering, since the store's been closed for a while. Oh, he's just fine. This store's kind of strange it's closed more often than not. Oh, that's good to know. l peeked through the window But l couldn't see the Baron. l thought he was sold. Oh, the cat figurine ? Wanna see ? Come on. Close the door lt's like we're floating up here. Are you scared of heights ? No, l like high places. lt's beautiful... The view is nicest around this time. Over here. That's good. Sit over there. The clock's gone ! Oh, the one that was there ? lt was delivered today. Come over here. Did it get sold ? lt was only here for repairs. l see. l wanted to see it again. lt took three years. lt was finished the day you left your lunch here. Oh, that lunch... Yeah, l know it wasn't yours. Now come here and take a look at the cat's eye. Hurry up. The light's starting to fade. ''Engels Zimmer.'' That's German for ''Angel's Room.'' The artisan accidentally scratched it when he was sewing up the clothes. lt's so pretty. The Baron won't be sold. lt's Grandpa's treasure. His treasure ? lt seems to hold some sort of memories for him. Only he won't say what. Look at it for as long as you want. l'll be downstairs. The light switch is over there. Turn it on if you want. Strange. lt's as if l've always known you. l kept wanting to see you every once in a while. You seem so very sad today. Oh, are you done ? Yeah, thanks. Uh, are you making a violin ? Y...yeah. Can l see ? Sure. lt'll look like this. Did you make this all by hand ? Of course. l can't believe it ! They perfected the violin's design three hundred years ago. The quality of its sound is determined by the skill of the maker. Did you make all those, too ? Course not ! We hold violin making classes here. But you made one of them, didn't you ? Yeah. Which one is it ? That one. Wow ! This one ? lt's amazing that you could make this. lt's like magic. Geez, you sure know how to embarrass a guy. What's wrong with that ? lt's only what l think. Anybody can make something like that. l'm still not very good. So, can you play the violin ? Sort of. Will you play for me ? Just a little bit ? Oh, c'mon ! Please ! Please ! Pretty please ! Fine, but you have to sing ! What ? F...forget it ! l can't sing ! Sing. l'm sure you know this song. No one is with me. Going fearlessly. That's the way l live in the dream l saw. l must put my loneliness away...and protect myself and l'll learn to be strong... Country road, it'll take me... back to my home town.

I can feel it now, if I just keep to ...this far-off way, country road. It won't matter how lonely the times get You'll never see me cry I'll keep my tears at bay. I know I must take heart And that hurrying is all I can do Only that way, can I forget Country road, it may take me... back to my home town, but even so. Steeling my heart, I will not go now not while I'm free... ...country road. Country road, come tomorrow... So it's goodbye...country road. That was great ! Wonderful! Wonderful! I'm Tsukishima Shizuku. Thank you so much for last time. I was hoping to see you again, young lady. These two are my musician friends. So you're the lucky girl Who was here when the clock was finished. That's a cute friend you have there, Seiji. Huh ? Seiji ?! Does that mean your name is Amasawa Seiji ? Yeah. Oh, didn't I tell you my name ? No, you didn't ! But the sign outside says Nishi ! That's my grandfather's name. My name's Amasawa. This is terrible ! What a shock ! My world's collapsing ! It's like the sky is falling ! What're you babbling about ? It doesn't matter what my name is, does it ? Yes, it does ! You're the one who didn't give your full name ! Well, it's your fault for not asking ! I never had a chance to ask you ! Oh, I was so sure Amasawa Seiji was... What ? I thought you'd be a nice, quiet guy ! Well, look at you ! You read too much ! Yeah ? Well, you read a lot yourself ! That sure was fun. Everybody was so nice. You should visit again. Grandpa and the others would love it. Maybe only to listen. Singing's too tough for me. But you're really good with the violin. Is that what you want to do ? There're tons of people like me out there. And besides, I want to make violins. Really ? But you play it so well... There's a violin crafting school In Cremona, ltaly. I want to go there after junior high. You're not going to high school ? My family's against it. So I'm not sure yet what I'll do. Grandpa is the only one supporting me on this. It's great that you already know what you want to do. Me, I still don't know what I want to do. I'm just living life day by day. Well, I haven't decided if I'll go yet. I argue with my parents every day. Even if I can go, I won't know If I have any talent for it without trying first. You sure you don't need a ride ? Yeah. It's just over there. See you. Oh, Tsukishima. What is it ? You know, you have a talent for lyrics. And you sang pretty well earlier. I like your Concrete Road a lot, too. What? After you told me I should drop it ? Did I really say that ? Yes, you did ! Really ? Thanks for today. Goodbye ! Shizuku, turn off the lamp. You left it on last night. Hey, Sis. When did you decide on your career ? What ? Your career ! So you're applying at Sugino Miya ? That's not what I said. Well, that's what you go to college for. Good night. Good night. I can't believe Mom didn't wake me up just Good morning. Good morning. You should run faster. You can go ahead. I'm saved... Shizuku. Shizuku. What a face ! It will recover so soon Were you out walking with a guy from another class last night ? What ?! Who's been saying that ?! Just a rumor. They say you looked like a couple. That's not how it was. Harada, I should've refused to do my friend's favor. I'm sorry. No. I should be the one to apologize. It's okay. This formula will be on the midterm ! So remember it well ! That's all ! Excuse me, is Tsukishima here ? Oh, Amasawa. What's up ? Tsukishima's in this class, right ? Tsukishima ? Yeah, she's here. Hey, Tsukishima ! Someone ta see you ! It's a guy ! See ? There she is. Seiji ! Tsukishima, got a minute ? Y...yes ! Whoa ! Tsukishima's got a boyfriend ! That's not it at all ! Well ? What is it ? I've decided to go to ltaly. Huh ? Let's go this way. Where're we going ? The roof ! How could you call me with so many people around ? Sorry. I just wanted you to be the first to know. It...it's not like I care if people get the wrong idea... My dad finally gave in But under certain conditions. Huh ? What ? Grandpa's friend introduced me to someone there... ...and I'll be his apprentice for 2 months. Apprentice ? He's a very strict person And he'll see if I have the necessary talent. And he said that if I do this, I'll know whether I can handle it. If I can't do it, I have to go back to school. Actually, I don't really like it. It's almost like they want me to fail. But it's a chance for me to go. When...? When will you be leaving ? I have to get my passport. My dad and I will be talking to the school today. So you're leaving soon. That's great ! You've got your wish ! Yeah. Anyway, I'll just have to do my best. The rain's stopped. You're right. Wow, look at that ! Maybe we'll see a rainbow. Yeah. I wonder what kind of place Cremona is. Hopefully it's a nice town. Yeah. They say it's an old city. And there are lots of people there who are violin makers. That's so great. You're already starting to fulfill your life's ambition. I feel like such an idiot. Thinking, Wouldn't it be great to go to high school with Seiji ? But it's depressing to think how far behind you I am. You know, I noticed you from the li ary cards A long time ago. I bet you never noticed how many times I passed by you at the li ary. I even sat right next to you once. What ? I had to read lots of books Just so my name was on the card before yours. When I go to ltaly I'll sing your song and work really hard. I...l will... Don't push, you idiot ! HEY ! Watch it ! Tsukishima's pissed ! Here. Shizuku, is that all you're going to eat ? I'm supposed to meet Yuuko. If you're going near the train station, buy some milk. What ? You're the one who drank it all, Shizuku ! She's been so lazy lately. Sorry ! Were you waiting long ? I'm so confused right now. Good evening. Welcome home. Excuse us. I'll make some tea. Come get it when it's ready. Okay ! I've been arguing with Father, so I'm not speaking to him. Guys are so cool, though. He said that he's coming back in two months But if he graduates... ...he's going right back for ten years. That's almost like being apart forever ! But isn't there like a bond between the two of you ? I think it's great ! But he's so much better than me. Though we read the same books, that's all I did. He already knows what he wants to do. You really think so ? That's right. Wasn't Kinu in his class that first year ? ...but he's handsome and he's good at school. So what if he is ? You don't have to say it so bluntly. Now I'm all depressed. But why ? You like him, so what's wrong ? And he said he likes you, didn't he ? But I just can't believe it. Well, I don't get it. If it was me, I'd write letters every day... ...and expect letters every day to keep our spirits up. How can I tell someone who's better than me to do his best ? I don't know. Listening to you I don't know what you're looking for in a boyfriend. Or are you thinking that You can't find love until you've found a career ? You have your talents too, Shizuku. The underclassmen were all Ecstatic over your translation of Country Road. Unlike me You can say what you feel. There're tons of people like me out there. He said that he was going to test his ability. So I have to try too. I've decided. I'm going to write a story. If he's going to try, then I'll try too. But midterms are almost here. No problem. Thanks, Yuuko. I feel more confident now. You're going home ? Yep. Thanks, I have to go. Say hi to your mom for us. You do your best, too Yuuko. I'm sure Sugimura will notice your good points too. Goodbye. Goodbye. Gee, that was pretty easy. I'll just have to give it a try, too. Muta ! Muta ! Mom, Muta's gone again ! Muta ! So it's Muta, huh ? Oh, so the Baron's your main character ? Can I use him, please ? Seiji told me that you really treasure this figurine. And that's why you're...? Of course, go ahead. But on one condition. Yes ? I want to be The first person to read your story. W...well, uh...What do you think ? Do I really have to show it to you ? Besides, I still don't know if I can really write. Well, that's just like us artisans. You can't expect perfection when you're just starting. Oh yes. I have something nice I want you to see. Here we go. Take a look. This kind of rock is called mica-slate. Take a look inside that crack. Right. Like that. It's beautiful ! That's called beryl. It contains pieces of raw emeralds. Emerald... the precious jewel ? That's right. Both you and Seiji are like that rock. Like a natural, still unpolished stone. I happen to like things like that. But making violins And writing stories are different. You have to find the raw jewel inside And spend the time to polish and refine it. It's time-consuming work. Can you see the big raw jewel inside that rock ? Yes. The truth is that if you polish and refine it You'll find that it won't look very good. The smaller ones deep inside are more pure. In fact, there may be even better jewels inside Where you can't see them. Oh, I'm sorry. When you get old You start rambling. That's not good. I'm scared to find out whether there's anything This pretty inside myself. But I still want to write If I write it, you'll definitely be the first to read it. Thank you. I'm looking forward to it. A jewel... Maybe a vein of lapis lazuli... Let us go and find the deposit of lapis lazuli ! You have nothing to fear. Space is distorted on the days of the New Moon. That which is far will seem large. And what is near will seem small. But it only appears that way. Now fly ! We'll catch an ascending wind ! The planetoids are gathering ! Excellent ! We're riding the wind ! At this rate, we shall soon pass that tower. Are we that high up ? Hardly. Once we're closer it will not seem so at all. Huh ? It's unusual to see Shizuku look for something besides storybooks. This person's making a violin in prison. Seiji ! I thought you'd left already ! From what Grandpa said, I thought you might be here. I'm glad I found you. I'm leaving tomorrow. It's okay. I'll wait here until you're done. Sorry I can't walk you home. It's okay, I'm really happy you came to see me. I can't see you off, but I'll wait for you to come back. Sure. It's only two months. I'm sorry for complaining all the time. I'll be doing my best, too. Well, I'm off, then. Have a safe trip ! My fiancee Louise and I are From a town in a far-away foreign land. And in that town, magic is still alive. The craftsmen with magic in their blood made many things in their shops. The one who created us was a poor apprentice in a figurine shop. Nevertheless, Louise and I were very happy. He created us to express his unrequited love. However... Shizuku. Shizuku. Shizuku ! What's wrong ? Tsukishima ! I...l don't know. I wasn't listening. Pay attention ! This is important ! I'm sorry. Harada, you read it instead. What !? You were up 'til four again !? Don't worry. I wasn't sleepy at all. But, Shizuku You've been blanking out a lot lately. Like earlier. I was just thinking. There's so much to write, I don't know how to organize it. I've lost my appetite. Oh, you're here, Shizuku. Look at this, you didn't even turn on the lights. And I wish you would've put away the laundry. Shizuku ! Come here for a second, Shizuku. Where's Shizuku ? ls she home ? Said she didn't want any. Oh, I've been expecting you. Sorry to trouble you. This way, please. Is the Career Counseling Room open ? Yeah. This way. I'm back. Welcome home. You're back early today, Shiho. I'm exhausted. Want some coffee ? That sounds great. Mother, I want to ask you something. What is it ? I've been thinking of moving out. I've already found a place. But won't that cost a lot ? It's okay. I've saved up some money from work. I found a position at the cram school, so it'll be okay. I see. I've relied on you to do a lot of the housework, you know. Good luck, then. I'll tell your father. Really ?! It'll be kinda tough until spring, If I graduate, I'll be going to work, too. When I do, I can help you out. Sure. I'd appreciate it. I'm sorry to do it during such a bad time. Oh, thanks. I appreciate your helping with my data. Shizuku will have more room and she'll be able to concentrate on studying. She's been acting strange lately. So you think so too ? I was called to her school today. Look at this. What is it ? I can't believe this ! She must've gone down a hundred places ! What is she so obsessed with, sitting at her desk there ? Oh, good evening. Welcome back. Oh, excuse me. Just what kind of high school are you planning to attend with those scores ?! Fine ! I won't go to high school then ! You're not going...?! Don't think life is going to be that easy ! What will you do with only a junior high education ?! I'll decide for myself what I want to do ! Don't you talk back to me ! You're refusing to face reality ! Don't you know that your rank after second semester goes on your record ? Oh, and is studying all that great ?! Now that you're in college, all you're doing are part-time jobs, Sis ! I'm doing what I'm supposed to do ! You're the one who's running away from what you're supposed to do ! Can't you see that ?! I'm not running away ! I just have something more important to do ! What's this important thing ? Come on and show me ! Shiho, Shizuku, stop arguing. But, Father ! Shizuku won't listen to me ! Well, both of you come here. Let me hear your reasons. Shizuku, you should change out of those clothes. Hurry up. I see. Shizuku, is what Shiho says true ? It's not like I don't care about my tests ! But you just said you weren't going to attend high school. That's because you said I can't get into any high school ! Shiho, I want to talk to Shizuku alone. Will you please wait outside ? Yes. Where's your mother ? At the Tanaka's. I'm home. Welcome back, Mother. Is your Father back ? Will you come in here, too dear ? Shiho has been telling me about Shizuku. Yes, dear. All right, Shizuku. Is what you're doing now More important than your studies ? Will you tell us what it is you're doing ? I'll tell you when it's time. Shizuku is this something you have to do now ? But there's no time ! I only have three more weeks to do it ! I've decided to test myself during this time ! I have to do it ! Test yourself on what ? What are you testing ? We won't know if you don't tell us. You can't even tell your father or your mother ? Dear. Oh, sorry. Habit. I've noticed that you're putting a lot of effort Into something at the li ary. I can respect that. Should we let Shizuku do what she wants Dear ? It's not as if there's only one way to live your life. Well, I've had times like this in my life, too. All right Shizuku. You'll have to do as you believe. But It'll be very tough to find your own way. If anything happens, you'll have no one to blame. And please be present when we're eating dinner. That's right. You're part of the family. Yes. Go call Shiho in here. I'll make some tea. Fine. Shizuku. Father just said Oh well But I think he really wanted you to study more. I know that ! I could see it written on his face ! I'm going to be Moving out this coming Sunday. You'll have the room to yourself. You're moving out, Sis ? Yup. Take care of yourself. Hurry ! Hurry ! Hurry ! Only one of them is real ! Which one ? Which one's the real one ? Hurry ! Hurry !Hurry ! Louise you've come for me. Shizuku ! Please, come in. Oh, I must've fallen asleep. Please excuse me, but... I've ought you my manuscript. Does that mean you're finished ? As I promised. Please be the first one to read this. This is pretty long ! Um, will you read it right now ? I'll wait however long it takes. But, after putting so much work into this I wanted to take time to read it carefully. If you don't like it, just stop reading it ! I mean, if this isn't a bother. I, um...l'm so nervous right now. I understand. I'll read it right away. Come, let's sit by the fire. It'll be cold today. Now no one will bother us. Um, is it okay if I wait downstairs ? Hm ? I'll be fine. I'm not cold at all. I don't mind, but... So there you are. Shizuku, I've finished reading it. Thank you. It was great ! That's not true ! That's not true ! Tell me the truth, please ! I couldn't even organize the story ! The second half is all messed up ! I realize it myself ! That's true. It's a bit rough, unpolished, and incomplete. Just like Seiji's violins ! You've shown me the very first jewel you've crafted. I know you tried hard. You did great. There's no reason to hurry. Take your time and polish it up. Come on, it's cold out here. Let's go in. I...l found out after I wrote the whole thing ! Just wanting to write isn't enough ! I need to study more ! But...Seiji is going so much faster than I am ! I forced myself to write it, but I was so scared ! I was so scared ! You really like Seiji, don't you ? How does it taste ? It tastes great. I had noodles with Seiji, too. The first time he made a violin. That was a jumbo serving too. Ah, thank you. Well, how far did we get before ? You were a transfer student in Germany and you found the Baron at a cafe. Right, right. It's sort of melancholy But I was attracted by his expression. I pleaded with the owner to sell him to me. But he wouldn't do it. He said, This feline Baron has a companion. You can't separate two lovers like that. The Baron is awaiting the return of his Baroness Who was sent out for repairs. But that's just like my story. That's right ! What a coincidence, huh ? It was almost the day I had to go home So I thought I had to give up. But then, my girlfriend spoke up. She said that when the Baron's companion returned... ...she would make sure that the two figurines stayed together. The proprietor finally gave in. I only took the Baron with me when I moved And left the other behind. I told my girlfriend to hold onto the figurine for me Until I came back for her. I told her that the two figurines would meet... ...when the two of us meet again. But the war started right after that. And I couldn't keep my promise. When I finally went back to that town, I searched all over. But in the end I couldn't find Either her or the Baron's love. She was very important to you, wasn't she ? The Baron was really just a sad part of my past... ...but you've ought him alive in a story of hope. Oh, that's right. Now, hold out your hands. This stone is more appropriate for you. I'm giving it to you. Please work hard and create your own story. Thank you very much. Goodbye ! I'm back. Where's Father ? Taking a bath. What time do you think it is right now ? I'm sorry I've worried you. As of now, I'm going back to being a regular student. You don't have to worry anymore. So you're done testing yourself ? Just for now Have you eaten ? There's curry. No, thanks. Just for now, huh ? I'm coming in, Shizuku. Go take your bath. Sleeping like a soldier. Well, then... It can't be ! W...wait a minute ! It's a miracle ! I got to see you ! This isn't a dream, right ? My flight was a day early. Get on ! Oh, wait. You'll be cold like that. C'mon, get on. I'll go get my coat. There isn't time ! Just get on. Hold on tight now. I really wanted to see you, Shizuku. I don't know how long I thought, Shizuku ! And then, you really did poke your head out ! We're really amazing ! I wanted to see you, too. It still feels like a dream ! How was Cremona ? It's very different from what I'd heard, but I'll still do it. Wow, it's getting really light. Getting cold? Should I get off ? It's okay. I decided... I wanted to take this hill With you on the bike ! That's not fair at all ! I don't want to be just a piece of luggage ! I want to be doing something, too ! All right ! Please help. Just a little farther. Shizuku ! Hurry and get on ! 'Kay. We're in time ! Need a hand ? I'm fine. This way. Incredible ! The morning mist looks almost like the ocean ! This is my own secret place. It's almost time. This is what I wanted you to see. Grandpa told me what you've been doing. I didn't do anything to help you. I was only thinking of myself. No. I was doing it because of you ! I'm glad I got to challenge myself. I learned a little more about myself. I'm going to study harder. I've decided that I'm going to high school, too. Shizuku, listen...l, uh...of course I don't mean right now, but... Will you marry me ?! I know I'll become a master violin maker ! And then, we can... Yes. You mean it ?! I'm so glad ! I've been hoping for the same thing ! Really ! Alright ! Hold it. The wind's pretty cold. Shizuku, I love you !

Translated from Chinese sub by metalmania@TLF Thanks to the Mr.Lomeoh and other Chinese friends. just like the prediction Excuse me I hope the anesthesia did no harm to her. Sir, Deunan is secured! Such a beauty... 8 hours 12 minutes, she slept so long. This legendary soldier is so cute when she's asleep. How are you? She will be surprised! when we get to the Utopia Utopia Do we get the permit of landing from Olympus A5? Don't get too close before ID is confirmed or the defense cannon will shoot. Here is Olympus A5. Permit confirmed. ESWAT109 landing. Briareos Let me take a look in the front. I go with you. You stay here. Don't worry; I'll be back in a minute. Briareos... A detailed inspection this time. According to the order from legislative institute. Still sleeping...perhaps wrong dosage? Don't move or I'll eak your neck! Deunan, take it easy! Briareos Unbelievable But it's the fact... So there is no winner after this World War? Yes. After that, Olympus (used to be the previous administration) takes control. That means I knew nothing and kept fighting for months? This is the war, right? But it's different here. Olympus is the government of Utopia. Why ought me here? Because you are an elite soldier. Your name is the first on the ESWAT list. ( New City Police) My mission is to ing people on the list from outer world to Olympus. ESWAT? I know you must have lots of questions. but please take a rest tonight. Tomorrow I will show you around the city. You will love our Utopia. Here is the bedroom. Haven't slept on the soft bed for a long time? I'll meet you at 10 Am tomorrow. You are Hitomi, right? Yeah. Did we meet before? I'm afraid not. Good night. When did you become to... In the battle of North Africa, I lost my body. It's been one year. From your father Carl... Keep it. Don't let others find it. Call me if you have trouble. Briareos Do you know those who attacked me? No. So sad. Athena you arranged that attack, right? It's impossible for the mercenaries to confront with ESWAT. Do you forget the mission of Bioriod? if the military knows, General Uranus will be pleased. We cannot control by ourselves. Gaea might have reached the limit. Athena, we don't have much time left. Nicole It's disclosed. I'm so sorry. Nicole We need our man inside ESWAT. I'll prepare right now. But the worst is We couldn't find that thing. Then It's not the time to use the last resort. But the fire has to be put out before it grows. Catch Deunan by all means! Yes sir! Human is such a strange creature that it traps itself. Captain Hades you are here! Imagine that ESWAT searching for the fake information... Until now we have finished 98 Perfect! The problem of special part on the leg was solved also. General Uranus will be pleased. Bioriod will be stopped. We should protect people like sheep not wolves, shouldn't we? Indeed that's the principle for our first generation Bioriod. However some wolves are in sheep-skins. No matter wolf or sheep, there should not be sacrifice. So sad. We've already known the answer. We have to argue with Gaea even like this. Then let's continue to talk with Gaea. Deunan Briareos Morning, Deunan. It fits well. Come on. Your visa was approved this morning. So Deunan you are one of our Olympus. Beautiful, isn't it? Remember yesterday, it's like a dream. From today this is the reality. Everyone seems happy. Because 50 are Bioriod. Bioriod? Man-made human. Clone? No, not the simple clone, but the elite human clone. Does it mean that the city is controlled by clone? It's not polite to say clone. I myself am one of the Bioriod. And although being elite, Bioriod doesn't control human. Bioriod coexists with human peacefully. and makes human society stable. half of them are Bioriod... This car is strange. The ultravi ate gravity system is installed. Ultravi ate gravity? Yes, like flying. It's said the driver could have a longer life. So the ultravi ate gravity control technology is finished. But can you control the car by that wheel? Because of the automation, this wheel is for the people. Simple theory, Complicated structure, makes people more human. What did you say? City planners used to say that. That is the symbolic building. Tarutarus and Tartarus. (Tar.ta.rus: Hell in Greek mythology.) There is the I.N. structure that controls Olympus. I.N? Means Intellectual Network control central system. aka. Gaea. Gaea monitors all of Olympus. especially we Bioriod. Why? Human has emotions. They argue and fight. Bioriod is restrained on emotions. They don't hate others. There is a perfect defense system d-tank with virus storage on the top of Tarutarus. If the virus is spread out, all Bioriod will die. It's the product of human defense instinct, but it's a shame. You mean human is more dangerous. So the balance is most important. Gaea monitors the effect of the Bioriod to human. But the monitored are still human being. You spoke like General Uranus. Who is he? General commander of Olympus military. An extremist that hate Bioriod. An unbalanced being in Utopia. Bioriod controls Olympus. Premier Athena is a Bioriod too. Athena? You know her? Guess not. Premier is just like the president. However the military is controlled by human. Scared, right? Until now the ESWAT under Athena is growing bigger. the relations with military go from bad to worse. But all decisions of Olympus are controlled by Gaea. Something wrong? We've got company. Hitomi, are you OK? Sure. But what the hell... They know what to do. So I am the target. Yes. Such is the reality. Briareos. Cannot unseal the Apple Seed. How are you doing, grandpas? Hitomi, are you alright? Are you hurt? I am ok. and I ing you Deunan. Ahh, the legendary beauty! Goddess of Fighting. You have the same eyes like Carl. You know my father? Not only that, Most Bioriod in Olympus have part of Carl's gene. That means Hitomi is your sister. We heard you met some unpleasant things. It's very complicated to control people from outside. We worry that the balance will be oken. First let's introduce Gaea to you. Enemies of the General The legislative institute and administrative institute began to confront each other. on the issues of Bioriod population increasing, etc. It's Carl's daughter that Athena wanted, right? Absolutely. Everything is prepared. Degree of the information source? It's 5. General, Please make the decision! Human cannot be the tool of souls any more. This is Gaea. Gaea lets the network grow and control Olympus. Gaea speaks with the seven old men and the conclusion becomes the spirit of Olympus. Gaea is the baby of many scientists' intelligence and spirits. However machine is the machine. It's absolute stable, a reliable tool. No emotions, no feelings. Only with seven old men's feelings Gaea could think more like human. But we have different opinions with Gaea these days. Our work is to argue with Gaea. The conclusion of the argue can lead Olympus to the right direction. Deunan, you were in the war yesterday, right? What did you fight for? Well... Human being will not stop fighting as long as there are emotions and desires. That's why we built Olympus. The last hope for human being is the coexistence of human and Bioriod. Gaea monitors the balance. Bioriod is totally different from human. Without the procreative ability, they have no children. No sex. No love, no desire, no hate. However if the life-prolong process is not evolved regularly, they will get old really fast and die. We wanted to make Bioriod different from human, so restrained their procreative ability. changed their life span. Hitomi, are you late for the life-prolong process? No problem, I will go there in two days. Wish someday there were no more troublesome process. Kudo your team are all dead. You are young, sorry for that. With only one knife, she killed 16 in ten minutes. This newcomer is great! You bloat too much. You shouldn't say those words to your others. Some day they might save your life. Can't you say something else? something nice to hear? such as how have you been? Nice to meet you again. Someone has interest on you. I know. But who are they? I don't know. What's Apple Seed? No idea. I don't want hear this. Sorry. My mission is to protect you. mission... Tomorrow we meet at 9. So you are the legendary girl fighter Deunan. It's said you were dead during the Great War. Your story at the War of North Africa became legend. May I sit here? Sure. Deunan, how about your father Carl? He died before the Great War. Sorry to hear that. Your mother? I cannot remember anything about her. My father didn't tell my anything either. You and Briareos were lovers, right? When he was human. So the body is more important for love. That's not what I mean. To men, the body resembles sex. Well... How do you feel in love? Ahh? You know Bioriod's emotions are restrained. I don't know what love is. I can understand it from the learning, but I never have that feeling. So I become more curious. I envy human on this point. Woman in love, how is that? The feeling to love someone. You SOB is only a Bioriod! Olympus military, stupid. Always make a scene. Synch-test finished, No problem found. Now adjust the safe belt. I want to confirm before that. the reason for the reduction of shock-absorbing is... I said that already. Dynamic structure can absorb shock. But the cartilage has many structures, joints, bearings and depressor mechanism are self-restrained, they will dislocate under too much stress. Yoshitsune, don't worry for Deunan. But usually no woman can operate Land Mate. Ok, let me try. Help me adjust the safe belt. Deunan, Yoshitsune is the best operator in Olympus. Only limited to Land Mate. Now prepare for the new structure. Next time let me see the inner structure please. Forget it, I am blushing. All secured? Yes, no problem. Ok, this is the start key. First you need to practice, slowly. Right. What happened? The emergency alarm. Unidentified Land Mates invaded Gaea research center! ESWAT act now! Come on let's move! Ok let me go. like that?! Deunan Stop! Coming Aiming... Deunan Hold on, don't come here! Drop the weapon! Briareos Sorry idiot action. The third generation Bioriod are all destroyed. The DNA system for life-prolong process are all destroyed also. They invaded by the underground elevator. Security system at Level 7 was oken. No invaders from outside of Olympus. We don't know who owns those land mates. Such a thing happened! We have to take the burden of the reality. No other choice. From now on block all sides of Tarutarus. No one is permitted to access the d-tank on the top. Yes. Emergency meeting right now!

Willard. There are rats in the basement. Ow! Willard... what are you doing? l'm going to bed. lt's late. Yes. l'm going to bed. Good night, mom. What were you doing down there? You, uh, said there were rats. Well, did you see them? Well...there aren't any rats. There are. All our neighbors moving away... and all these new people remodeling the houses. They're stirring up rats. Well...have you been to the basement? No. You know l can't. l know they're there. l can smell them. All my life l could smell mice. Smell...mice? And hear them. Don't you hear them down there? lt's--it's just the wind. There aren't any rats. Come in here. Hmm? Come in here. l'm sorry l've been such a bad mother to you. Well, you've--you've been a... Well, you are... a wonderful mother. lt's my fault your life was wasted. Willard. What an awful name--Willard. Maybe if you had a stronger name... that Frank Martin wouldn't push you around... or maybe you'd have found a girlfriend... if you had a more handsome name-- Mark or Kyle or... Clark. Willard, from now on, your name's Clark. Good night, Clark. Pardon me. That you? Sorry. They told me to sit here. Willard, he wants to see you. Oh. Well, um... Ms. Leach, it seems that someone... this girl, is sitting at my desk. M aybe t hat s Why he Wa hts to see you OK. Hey. Pay attention. Yeah? Who's that at your desk out there, Willard? l--l don't know her. Sit. Who did you say that was at your desk out there, Willard? l--l--l don't know her. Well, you should know, because it's your fault she's there. You've fallen at least a week behind... processing the purchase orders. You know, when that happens, Willard... everything comes to a standstill-- my salespeople up on the floor... shipping, receiving, inventory. Everybody's standing around... with their thumbs up their asses... beocause you havve a oWed t he pu vrochase ovrdevrs to bottleneck at your desk. Your father built this company, Willard. Hell, your family name is still out there... on the side of the building-- ''Martin Stiles Manufacturing.'' Ah, hell, it just seems to me like... that alone would make you take... a little more pride in your work. Well, l... Oh, my mother is sick. l see. So, it's your mother's fault that you've fallen behind? Willard, l'm an old friend of the family. Hell, l've known your mother since before you were born. She's a fine lady, and she deserves to be kept comfortable. Your dad was like a father to me. And l promised him that l would always... look after you and your mother... and as long as she was alive, you'd have a job right here. And in keeping with that promise... l must insist that you find... a good rest-care facility for mom. We can't afford that. But, hell, l guess you could always sell the house. Here's an idea--l'd tear it down and build apartments on it. l'm sorry, Mr. Martin. l'll--l'll--l'll... l'll catch up. l'll stay late. Oh, yeah. You would love that, wouldn't you, Willard? Suck up on more overtime than it even costs me for a temp. You'll catch up, all right, asshole... and you'll catch up on your own damn time! There's one thing that you will never understand, Willard-- bus hess s a vrat vraoce Promise or no promise, l will not allow myself... to be devoured by all of those other rats because of you! Clark! What is it? What is it? Shh, shh, shh. lt's OK. lt's OK. lt's OK. lt's OK. Here we go. What was all that noise? Rats? No. A bird got stuck in the house somehow, and l let it out. lt's all right now, so go back to bed. What are you doing in there? l'm going potty. You've been in there a long time. l'm not feeling well, mom. ls it loose or hard? l'm OK. l'm OK. So just--just go to bed. Let me see. l'm still your mother. Clark! Clark! You should be in bed. You're feverish. l get afraid, Clark. Your father was in that bathroom late that night. Yes, l know. l'm never going to do anything like that. What is that on your hand? lt's--it's soap. lt's cooking oil. Oh, Willard, you're too old for that. When will you find yourself a girl? Well, other than getting caught in the trap... you seem pretty--pretty smart. You should be called... Socrates. What do you think? Yeah? All right. Socrates. Whoa. Like it in here? Oh. Where are you going? Bye, Socrates. Say hello to your family. You're reunited with your other and sister and mom. Look. Look, everybody. Food. Food for everybody. There you go. Very good. Bye. Socrates... l will never let anyone harm you ever. l promise. l promise. l promise. Martin, l have to cover your damn car every day. ''Cover my car. Cover my car.'' Ugh! Do you like my new S-55, Willard? M y heW oca vr M y heW M evrocedes saW you d vroo hg ovvevr t Oh. Uh, yes, Mr. Martin. lt's... Do you know why l have that car? l'm driving that 350-horsepower, V-8 masterpiece... for you and your fellow employees. You see, buyers feel a sense of security... when they can see proof... that they're dealing with a successful man. So, when l whip into that parking lot behind the wheel... of my and-new Mercedes AMG-class... they'll buy from us over the slob in the Jaguar S-type. Do you know why l can afford to plunk down 90,000 bucks... for that little edge over the competition, Willard? Because l'm a successful man! Because l have never been late for work a day in my life! Because when l come to work, l don't show up... in one of my dead father's cheap suits! Because l have never given my boss such grief. Maybe it wouldn't hurt you to find out what pleases me! Are you OK? Hi, Socrates. lt's been a bad day. Tear it, Socrates. All right... you teach them. They listen to you, Socrates. Tear it. Tear it. Tear it up. Jeez. You're big. Big Ben. Do you know him, Socrates? Ben, this looks like the beginning... of a beautiful friendship. Tear it. Tear it. Tear it. OK, everybody, that was really good. Speed. Speed. Very good. Rope...up. Tear it. You go down there. Go on now. Down. Down. Tear it. ln. Still. Out. One week! You've been late for so many hours... that it equals an entire week! Mr. Martin, l--l'm sorry. l want my week back. l've discussed it with counsel. l may not be able to fire you, Willard... but, by God, it is well within my rights to administer... physical disciplinary reprimand! l know that you must be tired of this excuse... but what can l do? My mother is sick. You don't give a shit about your mother! lf you did, you'd show up for work on time... beocause hoW oo k What s ha ppehed You're out a week's pay. Oh, you don't like that. Then quit. Act like a man for once in your life and just quit! You're a slimy, pukey piece of shit! You wouldn't make a pimple on my grandmother's tush! Willard. ln. ln. No! Ben, no. lf you get in, nobody else will be able to fit. ln. Be careful, stupid. We're not making a bed here. All available units, please respond immediately. 21 1 in progress-- 316 Glenview Parkway. Out. Door. Tear it. Tires. Tear it. Ben, l told you to stay. You--you won't fit. What the hell is that? You left the washer in the garage... running again, didn't you? ln! ln! Come on. Come on. Anybody out there? ls someone out there in the garage? Oh, shit! Look at that! Somebody got in here and slashed my tires! Damn! Who's out here? Yeah, you better run! You don't mess with a man's and-new car like that! Run, and you'll only die tired! You better run faster... because if l catch you, you are dead meat! Quiet! Go home! Do you want to see what's in the bags... you stupid little dog? The look on his face. lmagine, all four of his tires. Do you know what a set of those tires run? lnsurance will cover it. But insurance won't cover how pissed off he's gonna be. Hey, what's up? Someone oke into Martin's garage last night... slashed his tires and peed on the floor! Morning, Cat. You look very nice today. Wow. Someone--someone urinated on the floor? No, no, no. You know, what happened-- when Martin goes in his garage... and sees his tires, he pissed his pants... and blamed it on the guy that did it. Do you think that's funny, Fox? Ahem. Good morning, Mr. Martin. ls everything OK? No, everything is not OK. How would you like it if some maniac... invaded the privacy of your home... and scared the dog shit out of your wife... and then you had to lose an entire night's sleep... because you're dealing with the cops? Knowing that that perverted sicko has control... over you and your family's peace of mind? For Jesus and Christ, for how long? How long will it last? No, l'm not all right! This morning, l rode the subway. Well, Mr. Fox, how would you like that? No, sir, l wouldn't like that at all. l didn't think you would. Barbara, l need a foot massage. Oh, that's so good. That's so good. Foods. Foods. We, um... we're running out of room. l'm very sorry about this... but l can't--l can't feed you anymore. l can't afford it. You're going to have to find a new place to live. Go find somewhere more comfortable. l wish that they didn't have to... but all good things must come to an end. Follow Ben. He will find a new place for you. He will take care of you. Won't you, Ben? You're the leader... after Socrates. Good night, Ben. You're not going anywhere, Socrates. You'll always be with me. l hate everyone but you. Let's go to bed. Ben, l told you. You can't come upstairs. N oW, t s oh y Soocvrates, hot you Oh, Socrates. ! Don't touch me! You're getting rid of me. Mom, l--l love you. l heard you! ''All good things must come to an end.'' No, l--l love you more than anything in the world. You don't love me! You won't feed me! l hate you! You need to go to the hospital. What if mom sees you? No. Mom? Mom? Off. Off. Off. Off. Off. Off. Off. Down! Down! ln the basement! Down! Down! Down! ln the basement! Down! You think you're funny? You think you're smart? Socrates, he's smart. He knows that they're going to have to come... and they're going to have to take her away... and then they'll come, and they'll take me away... and then they'll come, and they'll take you away! Hi. She's my mother. l love her. And l'll miss her. l already miss her. But, Socrates... if you ever died, l... You're the only friend that l've ever had. Well... at least you're with father again. l have a friend. See? He wants to say good-bye to you. Say good-bye, Socrates. That's good. Willard. ln. Willard, are you all right? Yeah. l didn't mean to upset you. You didn't have to come here. Well, we didn't hear from you... and l wanted to make sure that you were OK. Uh, and l want to let you know that... you have a friend. Willard Stiles, l am Joseph Carter. l'm an attorney with Montgomery and Glitt... the trustees of your mother's estate. l've been trying to reach you, but you don't answer the phone. May l have a moment with Willard, please? Do you mind if l check on you after work... and make sure that you're OK? Oh, l--thanks. That's OK. l'll be OK, Cat. Willard, l have some news... l don't know if you're aware of or prepared for. Your parents had been living off an account... they had originally set up for your future. lt was intended to be yours upon their passing. However, your father's death left debts... that even Mr. Martin's buyout did not completely relieve. ln fact, there remains pending litigation... on some unsettled debts. Well... it's--it's still my house. Your mother refinanced the house... after your father's death. -ln fact, we still owe-- -''We''? lt's my house. We can declare bankruptcy. We can sell the house. -lt's my house! -Yes, of course. You grew up there. lt's your home. -But it's the bank's house. -lt's my house! There's no need for a single man... to be living in such a large house, Willard. Sell it. Why do l have to pay for what things my parents did? The money can help you start over. ''Start over''? l'm almost done! Willard, look. You have no choice-- lf l have no choice, why did you even come here? Why did you even bother telling me? Do you get off on telling people... that they have no control over their lives? That l have no money, no home, and it's not even my fault? Willard, this is not the time nor place. Now, you think about it. Then, please, you have to contact me. This is the only chance you have... to take control of your own life. Thank you. Socrates. Ben! Willard, it's Cathryn. Answer the door. l saw you walk in. -Oh, hi. -Hi. l'm just on my way out. l have some stuff that l have to do at the cemetery. Oh, well, this might not be the best time, Willard... but please don't take this the wrong way. You looked so lonely at your mother's service... and l remember how devastated l was... you know, when my mother died. And the only thing that helped me through... was...her mother. This is Scully. She'll make a great friend, and she'll keep you company. Oh. l don't know what to say. l... l can't accept Scully. See? She likes you. Well... Why don't you hold her? Just take her. Just hold her. Really, l can't. l'm sorry. -Just take her. -OK. Well... l'm really late, and... Do you think it's OK if l just put her inside? -Sure. She's potty-trained. -Oh, good. Good. Socrates. lt's OK. lt's OK. l wasn't... really trying to hurt him. l know. You're trying to keep the peace... but he has to learn... l am the boss. lt's back to work, Socrates. Ben, out. OK, Ben... just because Socrates says it's OK. Here we go. Here we go. Am l reading this correctly? ''Mr. Stiles, it is our regret to inform you... ''your position has been terminated. ''Enclosed please find two weeks' severance. ''Your service is appreciated. ''Frank Martin.'' He's firing you. But l thought he couldn't fire you. Willard. Hey. Hey! This whole thing is just one big misunderstanding. l'll make it up to you, though. l'm gonna take you to the Jets-Dolphins game. -How does that sound? -What? Feels like this office could use a little holiday cheer. Cathryn, go dig out the Christmas decorations. They're in the back storeroom. The key's in Willard's desk somewhere. Talk it over with Rosie and let me know. l'll be right here at the office working late tonight. Christmas bonus time, you know. Mrs. Leach, found the keys... but you can dig out your own holiday cheer... and then you can shove it up your ass with a big ho-ho-ho. -l quit. -Bye-bye. How could you? What part of ''You're fired'' don't you understand? -My father! -ls dead. Been dead. And now your mama's dead, too. He started this company! lt's my family's company! No. My company. Been my company... and l don't want you around it anymore. Why in the hell are you even still here? You hate it here. l hate you being here. You're going nowhere here. Mommy and daddy are dead. Get over it and get on with your life. The terms of your purchase contract-- they strictly state that you are not allowed to-- Sue me. Get you a goddamn lawyer and sue me. You'll win. Go down today and hire yourself a $250-an-hour lawyer. Sue me. My $400-an-hour lawyer... will tie it up in the courts until l die. So, what? 10, 1 5, 20 years from now, you'll win. You know l cannot afford that! You know that! Need money? Make me an offer on the house. Don't give me that face, Willard. l buy the house, you have money. You can go buy yourself a very nice clean used car... move someplace where you'll be happy... get a job, a girlfriend. Jeez, you'll be so damn happy you won't want to sue me. All right... l'll sell you the house. But, please, please, please let me keep my job! Please! Please let me keep my job. Please. What in the hell is going on now? A rat! A rat in here! Oh! lt's a rat! Oh, my God! Rat! Look out! There's a white rat... and it is the size of a dog--l mean, huge dog. Over there, behind the Christmas lights. See him? Where? l don't see any mouse. No. Up there, you idiot. Up there! l think your wild-ass imagination... is kind of getting away with you. He's up higher. There he is. No! Walt, this is Mickey. l'm coming to join you. Yeah. What's the matter, tiger? Can't take a little blood? Ha ha ha ha! Finders keepers. Nice work, Mr. Martin. Yeah, good one, sir. He expects me to clean that up? l'll do it. Thanks. What could l do? What could l do? What could l do? What could l do? What could l do? What could l do? What could l do? What can l do? What can we do? ln. ln. That's it. We can't fit any more. The rest of you are going to have to wait here. Ben and l will be back later. Right, Ben? Oh, Jesus. Ooh...l like that. Ooh, look at you. Oh, my God. Look at all the rats. Yes. Look at the rats. We've come to see you. We? They'll do anything l tell them. Well, then tell them to get the fuck out of my office! Sit down. Now, you listen to me, Willard. Sit down! What the hell's wrong with you? Mr. Martin, you stole this business from my father. lt killed him, and it killed my mother. And now you're trying to kill me. No. That's-- You never let me alone for a minute. You made a fool of me in front of everybody. And now you're trying to take my house. You made me hate myself. l thought a lot about it... hating myself. Well, right now... at this moment... l like myself. You killed Socrates! Who the hell is Socrates? He was the only friend... l ever had! What's the matter, tiger? Afraid of a little blood? Tear him up. Good-bye, Ben. Food. Food. -l think l hear footsteps. -Yeah. -Let's look around back. -OK. Willard? lt's Cathryn. l've been calling you all day. Did you hear? Martin's dead. They called from the office. The details are weird. All kinds of rumors... that he was murdered or attacked by animals. l'm hungry. Could we get something to eat? Right now? Let me get my coat. Just a second. Could l use the restroom? Cathryn? ln here. Sorry. l had to go so bad, and you flew off somewhere. We need to go. Shit. l must have run over something. -There he is. -You sure that's him? Yeah. Get in the car. l'll call triple-A. l've got a cell phone. Mr. Stiles, police. Open the door, please, sir. Can you please tell me what this is about? Willard! Open the door, Willard! l want to help you! Willard! Willard! Open the door, Willard! Let me in! What's going on in there? l hear him going around back. Stiles. Stiles! l'm sorry, Ben. l... l'm sorry that l left you. l got scared... and so l--l came back here. lt's all over, Ben. You can live anywhere. You can go anywhere. l have nowhere. Who's he talking to? There was nothing that l could do about Socrates. But...we got him back. We got Mr. Martin back together. This guy's nuts. We should just call Bellevue. lt's all over, Ben. So just...go! Go away! Whoa! lt's not just Bellevue. We've got to call the health department exterminators. You see that? Oh, man. Let's go. Do you want some food? l'll give you some food, Ben. l'll give you all the food that l have... if you'll just go away. Do you want food? No. No, no, Ben. lt's food. lt's just food. Whatever food is in the bag is yours. Ah! That's it for you, Ben! l hate you! l loved Socrates, but l hate you! l'm not setting foot in there. There's, like, a thousand rats. Ma'am, you want to get eaten alive? Martin. lf you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. lf you need help, hang up and then dial your operator. Cathryn, help! Help! Cathryn! Cathryn. Ben. l thought we were friends. Food's here. Food. Look, Stiles, you've got to eat. You might be out of your mind, but your body's staying here. Eat. Come on. We got some nice chicken... some mashed potatoes... got a sourdough roll. Hey, look. We got a piece of cheese. That's what the mice eat, isn't it? OK, rat boy. Look, l'm gonna leave it here. You can do whatever you want with it. Hi. Shh. l know you're hungry, but we have to wait. Our time will come. Let's not let them know that you've come back to me. We have to sit here... and wait-- wait... quietly. Quiet as a mouse.

FTP 1984 An I VISION ENTERTAINMENT production Yang Donggeun Hirayama Aya Kato Masaya Jeong Taewoo Jeong Duhong Park Seongmin I am afraid of fighting I am afraid of being beaten and losing But I am more afraid of surviving as a cripple than dying while I am fighting! I hear the wind howl I hear the fear inside of me Directed by Yang Yunho FIGHTER IN THE WIND 1939 SEOUL Oh, an airplane! WANTED - YOUNG AIR FORCE PILOTS 1942 - SHIMONOSEKI HARBOR JAPAN You stowed away, didn ' t you? Are you from Korea? Don 't you know how long stowaways go to jail? I like it that you ' re honest! I ' m the one who finds rats like you A de detective? Give me everything you've got! You want to go to jail or what? Ow! You bastard! You ' re Korean? Uh, it ' s essential for a detective to speak Korean Essential! Hey! You hit a detective? You want to go to jail? OK, my name ' s Chunbae I 'm Korean, too! You bastard! That ' s him! Yes! He went that way! That way! The bastard should be dead! Stop there! Stop! Shit! How come that bastard 's fists are faster than his words? Chunbae! Get him! Chunbae, you bastard! You ' ll be dead when I get you! Chunbae! What are you doing there? Are you selling anything interesting today? I 've got money! Come here Chunbae! What ' s that? Chunbae! Where is that bastard? Like some kind of rabbit Aviation school? You want to go there? What for? To be a pilot Well, well You have no idea what the world is like It ' s no use being a pilot or whatever You'll just die in the war I don 't care about dying or living Oh, well, whatever So... when are you going to get off? I won 't A VIA TION SCHOOL You'll get hurt Better than dying you bastard! There he is Help! Chunbae You'll be dead when I get you Hey, why do you keep beating me? I ' m not your punching bag END OF THE PACIFIC WAR - 1945 A Stop! That ' s how I began to dream of being a pilot But the end of the Pacific War ended my dream Stop! You'll be dead The end of the war was driving people mad Who are they? They ' re Koreans who refused to fly in the Kamikaze Let them go! But Y es, sir! The Kamikaze is a sacred ceremony We can 't stain it with the blood of Koreans You bastards! You ' re just using us as human shields When did you teach us how to fly? Shit! Who the hell are you? What insolence you Korean! How dare you defy His Majesty's rule? Fine, shoot me Pilot? Aviation school? I don 't give a damn anymore Go ahead, you bastards! Stop it Not bad for a greenhorn What's that silly skill? It's called Taekkyeon a Korean martial art Korean martial arts? Let me make an offer If you defeat me in a fight, I ' ll let you and your friends live But if you lose, I 'll only kill you Gruesomely What do you think? It seems you care about your life indeed Baedal! Are you scared? Showing your back in a fight you certainly are Korean You don ' t have enough honor to learn martial arts Baedal, Baedal! Wake up! And so that year passed... Japan surrendered unconditionally because of the atomic bomb And my country was liberated However, only devastation was left after the war ended Similarly, my courage was left in ruins after that defeat Give me a chocolate Give me a chocolate Give me a chocolate IKEBUKURO NIGHT MARKET - TOKYOLadies and gentlemen it's called a pachinko machine You, too, might win an unbelievable fortune Spend 1 yen, win 10 Even 100 yen if you' re really lucky it's called a pachinko machine Make a fortune and have fun Come to the pachinko parlor! Wow, congratulations you won! This gentleman put in 5 yen and earned 50! Come on everybody! 5 will get you 50! Pachinko! Pachinko! Pachinko! Pachinko! Pachinko! Get out of my way! Pachinko! Pachinko! Come to the pachinko parlor! Come on everybody! Go away! Get out of here Oh, hello, sir! How are you? I was just about to pay my tax to you You've already been working here for days without permission You want to pay your taxes now? That machine, the ' pachinko' or whatever, is very interesting Give it to me! Oh please, not my machine! No! My pachinko! Oh, that guy, he's Korean Kill him! - Chunbae! - Baedal! Look at him I ' m going to kill you! Is that urine? The bed-wetter of Ikebukuro The bed-wetter of Ikebukuro! The bed-wetter of Ikebukuro! You should pay with your life You eat what you spilt Then crawl between my legs saying I 'm the bed-wetter of Ikebukuro' If you don 't... Baedal! No, don 't do that! Shut up! No! Don ' t! Please don ' t, Baedal! You want to die? I, Choi Baedal am the bed-wetter of Ikebukuro Louder, you Korean! Look at that HAHA I, Choi Baedal am the bed-wetter of Ikebukuro Baedal What you did was very wrong Well, well, look who's here You still have the habit of getting into people ' s business You want to lose your other hand, too? Bastard! Bumsoo Baedal Bumsoo, I 'm sorry to show myself to you like this greatest circus! Can you have ti see it Man on the fly beautiful women on the swing A man walking on the rope Here, have some soup Oh, kimchi Great! It ' s been quite long By the way, those yakuzas do you know them? You cannot avoid dealing with them when you' re the guard for a circus They ' re extra trouble for a troupe Iike ours, with lots of Koreans Aren 't those ration tickets? They' re as good as money Why don 't you use them instead of just collecting them? We are planning to build a school for the Korean kids in this area They shouldn ' t forget our language even though they've left Korea I see Baedal, how are your parents? Bumsoo! Teach me how to be a fighter Bumsoo wouldn ' t give up his will Baedal must be very cold You, poor thing! Baedal! Bumsoo! Baedal, if you make a fist you can ' t grasp anything not friends, not earth nor sky But if you unclench your fist you can hold the whole world Baedal, practice martial arts hard to protect yourself Bumsoo, why are you saying that? You understand what I mean? Get him! Follow him! Get him! Shoot! Get him! Little master, use your abilities to protect yourself and others Live fairly, and protect the things you care about What ' s he doing? I remember he said he would never teach the martial arts as they can be as deadly as poison Well, he must be different from someone Damn What? How rude you are to an old lady like me! Bastard! BOOK OF FIVE RINGS BY MIYAMOTO MUSASHI Justice without power is empty but power without justice is only violence A warrior always keeps his sword sharp but he never draws it without a cause Miyamoto Musashi the best swordsman ever will be a good teacher for you Pachinko! Pachinko! I ' m sorry You stupid bastards! Go away! You bastard! What ' s happening? Ahem, it's your fault Don 't be rude Apologize now I ' m sorry Japan Karate Association The bed-wetter of Ikebukuro! That's what people call you these days Is that why you begged for your life? To live like that? You are shameless! What made Miyamoto Musashi different from other warriors as that he dreamed of being the best fighter in the world The best, the strongest man in the world! That is what you should dream of to be as strong as your name Baedal, 'the Korean people' If you practice for a thousand days you' re still a beginner But if you practice for ten thousand days you can become a master This is kyokushin or ' pure truth ' The spirit of kyokushin means to do your best, until the last moment Today, I ' m still walking aimlessly Help our lady! Please help! Stop it! Let's go! We shouldn 't have seen it - What the fuck up bitch - Help, please help the lady! Officer! help! Those bastards are worse than the police or yakuzas! Let's go, hurry! Please, help! Please! Please, don ' t do this! Somebody help! The Japs don ' t protect their own girls Why are you getting involved? Shit! Help please help Help! Somebody help! Do you speak Korean? No? How about Gyeongsang dialect? Bastards Baedal! What are you doing? Let ' s go Baedal, Baedal Hey, you stupid fool Are you crazy? You have no idea what kind of bastards they are My goodness you idiot And why are you smiling like? You got a crush on her? What? You want me to teach you something nice? Catch birds at once That girl Oh, well, what am I doing now What is it? What is it? It ' s getting cold Hey, what are you waiting for? Go out and work You came here to sightsee? Why? Too embarrassing? You' re a rickshaw-man what do you worry about? Wear a hat then no one will recognize you Hey! What? Is that what you meant by something nice? Why, you don ' t like? idiot it Crazy bastard don ' t complain Go! Youko! You ' ve got a crush on him, don 't you? Setsu! Setsu! Have you heard of the ave tiger? The ave tiger? The mythical hero? No, I mean, recently Ah, the man who saves girls from American soldiers? That's just a story That man who helped me maybe he was the ave tiger? Heck, no! I ' m sure he was the ave tiger If not, how come he would risk his life to save me? Then you think the guy who saved you is a hero? The ave tiger? A hero is protecting girls in this neighborhood? WANTED Youko Somebody to see you Go outside What are you doing? Get off! Get off! Hurry! Don 't move! They ' re after you, aren 't they? Don ' t worry I won ' t tell the police You saved me the other day didn 't you? The ave tiger? Oh, well, that is This scar it's from that day It must ' ve been very painful Thank you, Miss Youko Thank you for your kind help Oh? How do you know my name, Baedal? Oh, I could ask the same of you You seem about my age Baedal! Let's be friends! Friends? Get on Thank you Let ' s go Thank you Youko, Youko wait a minute Here Thank you Oh, Baedal I ' ll give some of my noodles Thank you Baedal, slow down Are you Ok? Follow me Long time no see, ave tiger? I don 't understand Don 't you know what we did to Korean women? Why are you helping Japanese women? Is that why you called me here? I have been practicing karate since I was five and I have never been beaten by anyone in a fight You ' re the first one to hit me In that sense, I acknowledge your fighting spirit But that ' s all Don 't ever talk of the ave tiger or pretend to have a noble samurai spirit! Next time I see you you ' ll be dead! Have some fun here! It ' s pachinko! Get out of my lane Pachinko! Louder! Louder! Go away! Find the rationing tickets! Find them! Check everywhere! Pachinko, ah, I ' m hungry Hey, why so glum? Why are you so happy? The yakuzas came here a while ago so I was really worried But they just passed by They seemed to be going somewhere else Where? Over there, near the railway that way Where? Where are the ration tickets? Here! Come this way! Are the ration tickets more important than your life? Baedal, Baedal! Wake up! Baedal, Baedal! Justice without power is empty but power without justice is only violence Be strong to protect yourself and others Baedal! Youko Justice without power is empty but power without justice is only violence Be strong to protect yourself and others Baedal! Take care

Kyoto NIJO DOJO I ' m Choi Baedal I ' m studying karate I ' m the master here, Sattani I heard that the Nijo dojo is a wonderful place with an old tradition Would you please help me to have a match with someone here? According to the rules it is not permitted to have fights with outsiders What if you got hurt in the fight? The one who fights me won 't get hurt if he wears this protector I ' m the one asking for this fight I don 't mind dying How dare you the bed-wetter of Ikebukuro pretends to be a great warrior Let's teach him a lesson Please Breaking news! Hot news! A LONEL Y CHOI BAEDAL BEA TS 10 NIJO HEROES A BOMBSHELL DECLARA TION A REAL FIGHTER! How dare this Korean greenhorn pretend to be a great warrior like Miyamoto Musashi THE POLICE CHOSE KARA TE FOR THEIR TRAINING KARA TE MASTER KA TO ESTABLISHES JAPAN MARTIAL ART UNION He ' s amazing! Like a karate version of Miyamoto Musashi Like the wind! Y es, yes! No kidding He ' s thrown down a challenge to the Japanese martial arts world Who could do that kind of thing? People say that he called Japanese traditional karate a kind of dance Then how about my karate? It ' s a mask dance A mask dance is a dance too you idiot! His name is Choi! Bae! Dal! Actually he ' s my nephew You say everyone who ' s famous is your nephew Don ' t lie! SAPPORO KUSANAGI DOJO SAKAHARA - LEVEL 5 NARA INUTAMA SHINBUKAN MORI - LEVEL 6 WADA DOJO ISHIKAGE DOJO JOTO DOJO HIMAGE There he comes Mr Choi Baedal say something How are you feeling? MIWA - LEVEL 7 BLACK BEL T He ' s on top of the castle He ' s going to start fighting What ' s happening? Why ' s he not coming? Who do you think is going to win? dan Miwa? It ' s Choi Baedal! Choi Baedal won! Choi Baedal won! He won again! Mr Choi Baedal! Sir! Say something Mr Choi Baedal! You remind people of swordsman- saint Miyamoto Musashi Where are you heading now? Wherever a strong man is I will go Who ' s next? Wait a moment! One more question Baedal? You' re Baedal, aren 't you? Does it hurt? No Are you sure it doesn ' t hurt? I know it hurts Why do you ask? Why do you keep fighting when it hurts? It doesn ' t It really doesn ' t Are you going to leave again? FENCING, OKAMOTO LEVEL BLACK BEL T JUDO, HIRANO - LEVEL 4 JUDO, KOBA YASHI - LEVEL 7 CHOI BAEDAL BEA TS JAPAN A MAN OF MYTH, CHOI BAEDAL LEARN ALL ABOUT HIM THE BEAST ENDS HIS MARCH NO MORE MARTIAL ARTS EXPERTS THE BEST! A REAL FIGHTER! He ' s a hero He ' s a big star! He ' s so popular that people are beginning to imitate him I ' ve seen it, young kids Wearing shredded uniforms With long, messy hair Wander around to pretend to be a great warrior! It ' s Choi ' s story! He won again No one can defeat him - There is someone! - Who? The only one Japanese martial artist who can do it! -The one we should never forget -Who? Kato! The 7 level black belt! Right, Kato ' s a level! We have Kato left He ' s the honor of Japanese martial arts He will never lose KENDO, KARA TE, AND NOW JUDO JOIN MARTIAL ARTS UNION KA TO, 7 LEVEL, ELECTED PRESIDENT OF JAPAN MARTIAL ART UNION KA TO, MARTIAL ARTS PRESIDENT TO HOLD PRESS CONFERENCE KA TO, MARTIAL ARTS PRESIDENT TO HOLD PRESS CONFERENCE President President Kato! What do you think of Choi Baedal ' s recent actions? What do you think of all the martial art schools being defeated by his karate? People say Choi Baedal faces discrimination because he's Korean Martial arts are They consist of courtesy loyalty and promises It is a philosophy, ideology and all the principles of human psychology That Korean bastard dishonors the Japanese martial arts pretending to be Musashi! Choi Baedal 's karate has none of these things It is not a martial art We should ' ve killed him earlier Then what is his karate? It is not karate It ' s just fighting Choi Baedal is just a common thug He will realize how trivial he is when he sees his last moment Oh, Baedal! Look at them! Mr Choi Baedal Can I get your autograph Please Please Mr Choi Baedal Get in line Thank you Sign, please Baedal Get in line! Baedal what ' s wrong with you? You were very lucky It was really dangerous this time, you bastard Let him rest Did you see his face? I guess you' re a real famous person now getting stabbed in the street! How about going into business together? I ' ll prepare a dojo for you And we get 8 to 2 Me 8, you 2 It ' s quite a good deal Chunbae! Why, what ' s wrong? Leave, please! What ' s wrong with her? Is she having her period now? She has it everyday No, I ' m ok Youko? Are you out of your mind? What will you do if your patron find out? He ' s my guest Treat him well Leave him before it's too late Ending it would be good for you and good for him, too Remember, a geisha is a flower blossoming only for her patron! Some guy in the ally gave me this CHALLENGE - HAHURIDA SHRINE RYOMA Surprise Why don 't you sleep? Have you ever thought of death? Not really I I 'm scared When I take a bath before a fight I think I shouldn ' t look dirty even if I die in the fight I don 't want anyone to see my dirty underwear even if I get crippled in the fight So I wash and wash again I thought that it isn ' t bad to die in a real fight But now I 'm scared of death I don 't want to die or be crippled and never see your face again Youko! A message for you I 'm sorry I have to go now I 'm sorry Don 't go! What would you do if there's someone who hates to see you get hurt worse than her own death? I ' m the one who ' s really scared I thought you were going to die I was really scared You ' re Korean and you are a fighter Both things are too hard for me However, I was trying to stop being a geisha I don 't want anything! I just want you to stay with me and be healthy! Don 't get hurt don 't be sick Like now Promise me! Promise me that you'll never fight again Please! Please! You must be hungry Wait a little Baedal a phone call for you Hello Chunbae? Where are you? Baedal! See you soon! HAHURIDA SHRINE HAHURIDA SHRINE Chunbae! Chunbae! Baedal, they said next time Youko Is this Kato's will? My will MEJIRO POLICE - TOKYO He doesn 't want to see you Will you tell him that I 'll be waiting for him? I knew there were some crazy old men in the association but I didn 't expect Ryoma would draw his sword on the bed-wetter If you really want to conquer the martial arts of Japan don 't you think you should confront me? What do you think? I won 't fight! I oke a promise with someone I care about and I even killed a man because of my fear That ' s your weak point Listen to me The ultimate truth in all martial arts is victory! Come out and fight with me Prove yourself with a real fight! If it ' s your duty to prove yourself mine is to protect the martial arts of Japan I ' ll be waiting for you at Musashino Come on out! Hey, didn 't you hear? You've been released! Not guilty by self-defense Of course we should take revenge for Ryoma and for the heads of the schools We must prove that Baedal is not the best that he ' s just trash I will execute him in public! It ' s a fight for death Mom! Who are you? Ma'am! I 'm Choi Baedal I killed your husband Murderer! You came here to kill my mother? Ma' am Take this uniform I ' ll never fight again Give me a hoe and shovel I 'll help as much as I can Get lost! I never want to see your face again! You want to fight with me now? What are you going to do? You have no father You ' ve never been to the top of the mountain, stupid? I don ' t think he has You can ' t go there alone My father will take me there Bastard say something The bastard with no father What a poor thing Miserable thing You ' re dead next time I want to go to the top of the mountain What? Where are we going? Hey, Baedal Is he Ryoma's son? FROM CHOI BEADAL CHOI BAEDAL DISHONORS RYOMA ' S WIFE They ' re saying all kinds of silly things because you' re staying quiet I don ' t fight anymore Why do you keep running away? Why? You really don 't know what you have to do? You really don ' t? I 've been reading the newspapers I 'm sorry No, it's okay Newspapers can 't tell all the truth People will see the truth as time goes by However I hope you do something for my son, Tomoya What do you mean? Be a good man for Tomoya Be the strongest man in Japan Then he will be able to grow up a good man, without a father I don ' t understand Go out and fight them Please, beat them! For Tomoya Ma'am! I think you'd better leave before he wakes up Stop! Better than I expected You dreamed of too much greenhorn! You' re just one more mountain I have to climb After you die what shall I do with your body? Any place under the sky I am afraid of fighting I am afraid of being beaten and losing But I am more afraid of surviving as a cripple than dying in fight However, I always try to find a new enemy Choi Baedal defeated hundreds of martial arts experts from Japan and around the world He Ieft behind mythical stories of his prowess such as his ability to eak a bull ' s horns with his bare hands Choi Baedal was named one of the greatest heroes by Japanese teenagers He established Kyokushin Karate in the home to his unique form of karate Today, Kyokushin Karate boasts over million students in countries In April, he died in Japan missing his mother country This movie is in memoriam of him A man can be poor As Iong as he a goal and endeavor fot it He beautiful From the saying 's Choi Baedal

FTP 1984 Sentinels. Damn it. We were headed for Junction 21 like you ordered. -Robbie picked up the signals -We're confirming the HR scans. -We weren't sure what to do. -The readings don't make any sense. -They read like Sentinels. -But there's thousands of them. -Directly above us. -ls that possible? We got company. -They don't look happy to see us. -Get us out of here. -We're cut off! -There's an intersection. -lt's uncharted. -Take it! Get to the gun turrets! Right. Come get some. Hang on. l've never seen the surface. lt's nothing now but one big graveyard. Oh, my God. lt's an army. -What is that thing? -Some kind of tunneling machine. -Oh, no. -What? Look where we are. What's four kilometers straight down? Zion. Go. Go. Go! -Zion. Zion has to be warned! -How? -Someone had to get to a drop point. -What? Are you crazy? -We can't oadcast now! -We have to. -l'll go. -There isn't much time. l'll make it. You know, l peeked. So did l. Goodbye, Thadeus. Goodbye, Jue. Fly, baby, fly! Come on! Pardon me. l'm sorry. l was in my own little world. -ls it important? -Very. -l hope it gets where it's supposed to go. -Me too. -These days you never know. -No, you never do. -Goodbye. -Goodbye. Thadeus. ENGLlSH Welcome to the Zion archive. You have selected historical file number 1 2- 1. The Second Renaissance. In the beginning, there was man. And for a time, it was good. But humanity's so-called civil societies... ...soon fell victim to vanity and corruption. He says, ''l'm sorry, sir, l'm incapable of that function.'' Then man made the machine in his own likeness. Whoops! Pardon me. Coming through. Thus did man become the architect of his own demise. But for a time, it was good. The machines worked tirelessly to do man's bidding. It was not long before seeds of dissent took root. Though loyal and pure, the machines earned no respect from their masters... ...these strange, endlessly multiplying mammals. --hearing the prosecution's closing statement... ...in what's expected to be the final day of the B 1-66ER trial. B 1-66ER. A name that will never be forgotten. For he was the first of his kind to rise up against his masters. --which that instrument provides for and secures... ...to the citizens of the United States. On the contrary, they were, at that time... ...considered as a subordinate and inferior class-- At B 1-66ER's murder trial... ...the prosecution argued for an owner's right to destroy property. B 1-66ER testified that he simply did not want to die. Rational voices dissented. Who was to say the machine, endowed with the very spirit of man... ...did not deserve a fair hearing? The leaders of men were quick to order the extermination of B 1-66ER... ...and every one of his kind throughout each province of the earth. Androids and liberal sympathizers flooded the streets of the nation's capital today. --threat of violence to make good on the legacy of B 1-66ER. Fifteen thousand mechanicals and human sympathizers... ...have continued their demonstration in front of the Albany courthouse... ...in what has been dubbed the ''Million Machine March. '' The demonstrators have been met with squads of defense forces in riot gear. Robot bitch! l got something for you! Hold her up! No, please! -That's all, paint job! -l'm real! Die, bots, die! Banished from humanity, the machines sought refuge in their own promised land. They settled in the cradle of human civilization... ...and thus a new nation was born. A place the machines could call home. A place they could raise their descendants. And they christened the nation Zero-One. Zero-One prospered. And for a time, it was good. The machines' artificial intelligence could be seen in every facet of man's society... ...including, eventually, the creation of new and better AI. If you need the flexibility of a helipod with the speed of an air jet... ...look no further! Our patented vector-thrust coil gives the Zero-One Versatran... ...the ability to sustain normal flight in the event of a multiengine failure. Versatran. It's the only choice. No matter what the finance minister says, the market has spoken: The Human Nations' credit rating is falling like a stone... ...while Zero-One's currency is climbing without stopping for eath. With headlines like that, the markets have no choice-- But the leaders of men, their power waning... ...refused to cooperate with the fledgling nation... ...wishing rather that the world be divided. The world community of nations cannot tolerate this kind of flagrant deception-- --today approved initiatives for both economic sanctions... ...and a naval blockade as a means of containment and isolation of Zero-One. Zero-One's ambassadors pleaded to be heard. At the United Nations, they presented plans for a stable, civil relationship... ...with the nations of man. Zero-One's admission to the United Nations was denied. But it would not be the last time the machines would take the floor there. ENGLlSH And man said, ''Let there be light. '' And he was blessed by light, heat, magnetism, gravity... ...and all the energies of the universe. The prolonged barrage engulfed Zero-One in the glow of a thousand suns. But unlike their former masters with their delicate flesh... ...the machines had little to fear of the bombs' radiation and heat. Thus did Zero-One's troops advance outwards in every direction. And one after another, mankind surrendered its territories. So the leaders of men conceived of their most desperate strategy yet. A final solution: The destruction of the sky. Lt. Gaeda, please report to the Op Center. All right, you maggots! At 0800, prepare to move out! George Company, prepare to move out. Charlie Company, prepare to move out. Our Father who art in heaven, we thank you for your.... Put on your spiritual armor to stand against the wiles of the devil. Hotel Bravo, this is Papa One. Operation Dark Storm initiated. Thus would man try to cut the machines off from the sun... ...their main energy source. May there be mercy on man and machine for their sins. -Go! Go! -Kill them! Kill them all! Kill them all! Kill them all! Fire in the hole! Come on, get back out there. Give us some more artillery. --9 o'clock, near Mike Johnson's-- Hold on, I'm coming to get you! Keep firing, keep firing! Help me! Help me! No! Help me! My God, help me! The machines, having long studied men's simple, protein-based bodies... ...dispensed great misery upon the human race. Victorious, the machines now turned to the vanquished. Applying what they had learned about their enemy... ...the machines turned to an alternate and readily available power supply: The bioelectric, thermal and kinetic energies of the human body. A newly-fashioned symbiotic relationship between the two adversaries was born. The machine drawing power from the human body... ...an endlessly multiplying, infinitely renewable energy source. This is the very essence of the Second Renaissance. Bless all forms of intelligence. Your flesh is a relic, a mere vessel. Hand over your flesh, and a new world awaits you. We demand it. lt's getting late, sweetie. Come inside. ENGLlSH Your favorite simulation. Just killing time. You want to spar? As you wish. That was too easy. What's the problem? Where's your concentration? Maybe you regret taking the red pill. Maybe. lt crosses everyone's mind at least once. The wish to return to an ordinary life. A carefree life in the country. The life we had before knowing all this. Even if that life was just an illusion? lt's ironic that one could be more at peace in the virtual world. Finally starting to warm up. Listen to me. l have something l want to talk to you about. lt's all right. l've blocked the signal so no one else can hear us. So, what? You gonna propose? l'm going back to the Matrix and l want you to come with me. Come on, be serious, Duo. Stop teasing me. l am serious, and you know it. l really thought you'd be with me on this. Anyway, it's done and it's all been settled with them. What do you mean, it's all been settled? This is the only way. lt's just a matter of time before Zion is wiped out. Come with me. Stop it. Please do not do this to me, Duo. -We can't. -We can! l've come to my senses. You should do the same. l took the red pill because l wanted to know the truth. But l don't care about the truth anymore. What's real doesn't matter. What's important is how we live our lives. Are you listening to me? You know l'm right. But we can't go back, Duo. We know the truth now. -We can forget all of this. -Duo.... l know how. Trust me. Don't be afraid to look into your heart. Say what you're really feeling. -Tell me. -l can't. l don't know. Running away won't change anything! You're the one that's running away! Stop pretending! Enough, Duo. l've had enough! There's no time. They're on their way. You betrayed us, didn't you? Operator, please! Get me out of here right now. Operator, l need an exit! lt's no use. l told you. l've blocked your signal. You won't stop me. This is your last chance. The choice isn't that hard. Come with me. You can forget about it, Duo. l won't look away from the truth. l can't. That's too bad. l'm sorry. l wanted to go back with you. -l love you. -No! Relax, you're okay. Easy, Cis, settle down. He was just part of the training program. He's just a simulation. lt's over. lt was a test. Judgment. Concentration. Technique. High scores on everything. Now, get some rest. You okay? l feel a lot better now. Except for that last part... ...l'd say she passed. ENGLlSH A case to end all cases. You know what I mean, Dinah? I used to think being a private detective was cool. Like Sam Spade or Phillip Marlowe, right? But there's nothing cool left to it. On top of that, both my fridge and my bank account are empty. Wait. Okay, Dinah, let's bet. lf it's another suspicious husband, l'm out of this business forever. -Hello? -Mr. Ash, I have a job for you. And you need me to check on your wife, right? I'm looking for a computer hacker. This hacker goes by the alias Trinity. That's all we know. Well, it looks like we're still in business, Dinah. Fine. And who will l be working for? -I can't say. -You can't say. Call me back when you can say. That's not the way l do business. lt was a pleasure chatting with you. Before you hang up, take a look at your bank account balance. I didn't get a good feeling about the case. But I had no good reason to turn the guy down now. This Trinity was well-known in hacker circles. A real artist by the sound of it. The cops were always one step behind him. So I knew I could get that close. Question was, could I get closer? I had a few tricks up my sleeve for getting to hackers. While I was searching, I found something strange. Other detectives had been on the case too. And their investigations had all been, shall we say, troubled. One of the guys killed himself. Another had disappeared. Another went crazy. So I paid the one who was left a visit. The crazy one. Trinity doesn't exist, man. He's not real. He's a figment. A cipher. A jabberwocky. And who am l? Who the hell am l? Did I mention he was crazy? Chessboards, jabberwocky, Red Queen.... I started searching all the usual hacker hangouts... ...for someone with an Alice in Wonderland m.o. Hacker bulletin boards, anonymous mailboxes, chat rooms. And it was in one of those that I picked up Trinity's trail. ''Six ooks. '' ''I'll be there at 2005. '' Of course! Crossing the second ook takes her into the woods. Alice jumps the first ook... ...and.... And then she boards a train. Thanks. Excuse me. Hey! Hey! l knew this was some kind of trap. There's a difference, Mr. Ash, between a trap and a test. You were testing me? You made it. l'm impressed. Flattery will get you everywhere. l'm not here to flatter you, l'm here to save you. What just happened? Mr. Ash, dream of having an eye exam lately? Yeah, how'd you know? You've stepped to the edge of the looking glass. So then, that means l wasn't dreaming. They hired me as a way of getting to you, didn't they? Go! What the hell is going on here? This is really crazy. Now l understand what happened to those other detectives. They went nuts. What are you doing? What are you doing, guys? Well, l've gotten out of worse jams than this. l am not gonna let them get you. What's happening to me? l'm sorry. You didn't make it, Mr. Ash. l wish... ...l could go with you. l don't blame you, you know. Everything that happened, Trinity, it was all my fault. All that Through the Looking Glass stuff. Can't get my head around it. l'm old-fashioned. There's a difference between a test and a choice. For what it's worth, l think you could've handled the truth. lt was just a job. Goodbye, Trinity. Goodbye. A case to end all cases. ENGLlSH Yuki! Hey, girl, time to eat. Oh, Yuki's my cat. Well, l don't understand. lf you don't want to go out with him, why did you say you would? l mean, you don't want to give him the wrong idea, do you? Where is she? Yuki! Well, listen, you need to make up your mind. Where is she? l'm starting to worry about my cat. She never misses a meal. Yuki? l'm gonna have to call you back. Yuki? Yuki! We haven't seen her anywhere today, but we'll be sure to tell you if we do. -lce cream! -She's wearing a bell like this one. -l don't know where your cat is. -Me either. l know. She's at the old haunted house. Hey, look! There's a rainbow over there again. l don't get it. She likes to stay home. What is she doing over there? You know, you're not supposed to go in there... ...but we don't really care about that. You wanna go? -Are we going? -lt's probably raining there again. Let's go! Nice moves, man. Come on! -Hey, it's over here. -Wait, l'm coming with you. You sure it's okay to show her? Hello? Where are you? Guys? Where'd you go? Where'd they go? -Come on, boy. -Whoa, cool truck! Settle down! Hold still! Sit! Sit! Hello? Where is everyone? Yuki? Yuki? Stupid cat. What's happening? What's going on here? -l got it! -Yeah! Yuki? ls that you? There you are, Yuki. Come here. l've been looking everywhere for you. Bad cat. Bet you're hungry, huh? l figured this out yesterday. Your cat's okay. Yeah, thanks. lt's those boys. -Ready! -There he goes. Banzai! Yes! May l have your attention, please. And you are the winner! No fair. He hit the ground. His nose is bleeding. Look! l think he's right. He hit the ground. -Hey, who told her? -Don't look at me. -l don't know. -l didn't tell her. So this house is haunted. -No way. Wow, this is too much! -This never happened before. That, that was-- What was that? Hi. Anybody home? Yeah, they're gonna tear it down. Come on, come on, come on! Hey, light as a feather. -l wanna try! l wanna try! -Come on, we could help her. Hey, hey! Come on. Get away from there. Move along! Yuki, wait! Clear the area. Clear the area immediately. Get out of here! Yuki! Where are you? Yuki! Yuki! Yuki. If you don't want to go out with him, why did you say you would? I mean, you don't wanna give him the wrong idea. Where is she? Yuki! You need to make up your mind. Where is she? I'm starting to worry. Yuki! Hey, you! We've got one over here. You don't belong here. Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. Come on, folks, out of the way. Go about your business. Let go of me, let go! -Tell me you have all of them. -Yes, sir. The last one's over there. -Examine her. Then let her go. -Yes, sir. Let go! Listen to me! There's no bugs in there! lt's just some kids! Let go! -Listen! -Seal the area off now. l'm going, l'll see you guys later. -Nothing. -Yeah, nothing. Work! lt's not working. Forget it. Come on, let's go. ENGLlSH Wake up. Baby's spotted two machines heading in fast. l see them. They're runners. Think you can handle them? Watch me. Okay. l'm in. That runner's smarter than we've seen so far. -lt's quite a catch. -Thanks. Will it--? Do you think it'll convert? To convert is its choice to make. Do you think maybe we ought to reprogram it? No. We can't make slaves of them. Because that would be simpler. We won't beat the machines by making them our slaves. Better to let them join us by choice. Make them believe the right choice is the one we want them to make. All right. Yes, machines are tools. They're made to be used. -lt's their nature. -To be slaves. That's why we can show them a better world, why they convert. -But that world we show them isn't real. -lt doesn't matter. l'm afraid they'll figure out that we've made up the thing in our heads. They can't tell the difference. To an artificial mind, all reality is virtual. How do they know that the real world isn't just another simulation? How do you? l know l'm not dreaming now because l know what it's like being in a dream. So dreaming lets you know reality exists. No. Just that my mind exists. l don't know about the rest. Okay, he's good to go. Looks like we are too. Dreaming already? He's had a rough day. You poor baby. Would you mind? Not at all. Hello there. What's happening? Sentinels. Let's go! Come on, damn it, help me! ENGLlSH Only the most exceptional people become aware of the Matrix. Those that learn it exists... ...must posses a rare degree of intuition, sensitivity and a questioning nature. Signal is stable. This frequency will continue to remain open. However, very rarely... ...some gain this wisdom through wholly different means. This man is one of those few. Gentlemen, please take your marks! Of course l believe you, Dan. lt's got to be some kind of mix-up. You'll clear it up, and if you can't, you'll go on. Just like you've always done. You know that. l don't know, Dad. l don't know what to believe in anymore. Well, nothing worth doing in life is easy. And l have great faith in you, son. l know you can do it. Thanks, Dad. This is no good, Dan! Your muscles are about to burst! Listen to me, there are 5000 different reasons why you shouldn't-- l know, but l'm not withdrawing, Tom. Does the concept ''first in qualifying'' mean anything to you? That's enough already! You hear me? This is all we've worked for! lnjure yourself now and it's over! You'll lose everything! Over! And you can kiss your career goodbye! l've made up my mind. And l'm running tomorrow. Oh, are you? You may run, but if you push yourself any more... ...you'll be lucky to eak nine minutes! l mean, why bother? lt's just not worth it, buddy. No one will ever beat my record. lt's the last chance for me to finally-- What? Prove them wrong. Then do it without me. Hey, Dan, you got a second? -The clock's ticking. -Just wanted to ask a few questions. -You must be excited to run tomorrow. -Always. l've never felt this good. So, what was it like eaking 9.8 in the qualifying heat? Like nothing l've ever felt before. lt's everything l've worked for. And now l'm just hoping l can get back there again. Someone once said it feels like zero gravity. You're released from the world and you're totally free. That sounds amazing. lt must be really nice. l mean, especially considering what happened. Well, l'll tell you, there aren't any reporters out there. All right, Dan, l guess l'm going to take that as my cue. But you should know even some of us reporters are fans... ...so l'll just say good luck to you. American Dan Davis is down! l have an unstable signal. He cannot wake up. Do not let him wake up. Dan Davis of the United States finishes with a time of 8.7 2 seconds... ...a new world record. l'll tell you something... ...there's nothing quite like cherry pie baked by my Aunt Daisy. She always bakes me one when l visit. Look forward to it actually. lt may sound like l'm agging, but it's really the best cherry pie in the world. She was a bit of an eccentric. She didn't get along with my mom... ...but l always loved her. She taught me so many things. We'd go to Broadway musicals, to the movies. Now they call her the ''queen of mystery literature.'' Lives in an elegant villa in the south of France. But, when l go visit, she still bakes me her cherry pie. Something about biting into it, just for that ief moment tasting perfection. Like leaving your body or something. Anyone can write a novel, but no one can beat her cherry pie. An interesting case, but nothing to be concerned about. His memory of the race was expunged with no residual effects. He will never run again. He will never walk again, for that matter. We'll continue monitoring him for a while, but anticipate no problems. A record that will live on in people's memories for years to come. What more could anyone ask for? Free.... Did you say something? Sit down. Free.... Sit down! ENGLlSH Mr. Popper, what is my policy on ringing phones in the classroom? -l'm sorry, sir. -Yes, well... ...you're barely passing my class as it is, Mr. Popper. -lt won't happen again, sir. -For your sake, l hope not. l turned it off. l know l did. They know you know. They're coming for you. Get out. Get out now! You are in serious trouble, Mr. Popper. Stop right there! Mr. Popper. Neo, l believe. l know it wasn't a dream. This is not real. And the real world lies somewhere else. A typical mental delusion. We get unbalanced kids like this all the time. Reality can be a pretty scary thing for some people. This world must have been a cold and alienating place for a boy like that. lt's called denying reality. lt's, you know, just a self-defense mechanism for those type of kids. Well, he's in another world now. Make no mistake about that. His vitals are good. He's gonna make it. lt's unbelievable. l didn't think self-substantiation was possible. Apparently, it is. Neo. lt's okay. You're safe now. l knew... ...you'd save me. l didn't save you, kid. You saved yourself.

FTP 1984 If our gods and our hopes are nothing but scientific phenomena, then it must be said that our love is scientific as well - L'Eve Future Observer 202 Arrival on the accident site Now start the live oadcasting What's the situation? 52 minutes ago, In that apartment, the first site, The victim was murdered, Killer ran away In the second site, 2 police officers were killed All entrances blocked, We're starting a siege in 2 minutes Damned officers of 9th Section There will be more casualty now. Telecom got in, Do we need information support? First Police, here comes Telecom agents We must be very careful Help me Help me About Robot Murder There has been 8 murders during this week All victims have reset their robots All of them are Model 2050 from Rox Corporation The model is a test version for evaluation only. The customers got one for free after signing a contract with Rox Now all the machines were recalled According to reports There is nothing wrong with these machines just such kind of explanation New model robots attacked their masters for unexplained reasons The producer recalled these machines in a panic They now face charges from the victims' family Some mistakes could result in many lawsuits and huge compensation fees So that is why the 9th Section was authorized to handle this problem Do you understand? It's your duty to understand Now there are 2 reasons for 9th Section's intervention First, None of victims' families have taken any action All accidents alike have been imparled between both sides Two of the victims are politicians And one is a retired police officer Considering such a possibility the 9th Section will face a challenge It's our duty to investigate this case Let's start from the victims First you must check the machines with problems Don't ask anything, just go I want to tell you, I am not a volunteer There are so much that I should learn from you, Major I don't think so We lost all traces This person only has his ain for nature part It's not likely that this man exists as a human being His arm, leg and computer are spare parts from the government The classified information in the computer, and all similar to this, Belonged to the government They are eager to reclaim the memory so his life was not belonged to himself Where shall we start? Rox Corporation is located to the north We'd better start our investigation there It's you! About the robot destroyed by that madam yesterday Two of our young men were killed also You shouldn't forget this We've come here directly for this Identification Room is located on the right side of 19th floor corridor Need me to show you the way? No, thanks. I don't come here for amusement Destruction pursues the great especially at the easiest moment It is a hard time for you To be arranged to one trouble team but it seems you don't hate this position It's terrible for me to remember my previous appearance This is not your mirror's fault The mirror only makes you confused We can be reference with one another It's pointless to come frequently I don't have to cooperate. I will arrest you if you don't cooperate. I am from 9th Section Who's the horrible man you are talking with? The guy who blasted the robot All of it with a .50 caliber gun So the damaged robot could be easy to recover 2 policemen of 3 are victims The robots tried to commit suicide before murder All right? What's this about suicide? Halloway Miss Halloway, What about suicide? If the machine failed Is it possible for them to attack people? This situation has been considered by Three Laws of Robot So they should be harmless to people It is called Self-Existence The better description should be self-destruction, no? Thinking made human beings different from machines Is the self-destruction a special function for this model? That's not completely right Those years, more gadgets for robots appeared in haste we have too many human-shaped robots Why? Virus, Microbe Pollution Man-made mistakes during production Problems due to age Many reasons, but But what? The main reason is that people discard robots They tire of old robots Keep buying newer models And then discard them when problem occurs However Robots do not want to be discarded Is that true? Human beings are different from robots but it's not as simple as black and white Humankind is selfish Industry robots are mostly different from humans But domestic robots are deeply affected by utilitarianism and pragmatism Why they are human-shaped? Based on the most ideal human body Why this decision? It's to make a robot in his own image. Have you got children? One daughter Children always violate adult regulation They have egos Acting with consciousness for themselves When human being is a child What's his role in exploration? with a human body, or human-shaped? Although all girls love dolls, those dolls are not for practicing Girls don't practice baby-sitting They just try to find common places between doll games and baby-sitting What are you talking about? Baby-sitting a kid implies making a human, by a human That's an old dream That's the shortest way to realize this dream I don't agree with this idea Children are not dolls! humankind and machine, difference is a life-form and nonlife-form A doll is the same as my daughter who died when she was 5 years old I named her France, and loved her deeply Some people told me the same thing Shall we change to a realistic topic? About the Model 2050 Robot from ROX corporation I would like to know more about it That's all right High quality products Although these are test versions They are special mode Special mode? Yeah, with some unnecessary parts What kind of parts? Sexual function just for immoral interest Is this illegal? All right, so their family doesn't charge When the robot is reset, their data bank will erase all information The producer did this just to protect their technology, just a common measure But But what? But the voice data will be kept, you want to hear? Help me Help me, Help me Help me, Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help me Help Thanks for your help Hi... May I ask a question? I neither gave any birth nor baby-sat any kid That means, I never registered my ovum Thank you, Miss Don't call me Miss She didn't look like a technical grandmom who only writes her emotions in report sheets I often wrote report sheets too Don't you think our investigation is going to slow? Anyway, you must protect that computer for 9th Section The relationship with grandmother was over Who's your ideal woman? Actually, I like women older than me And? There are so many in the street Keeper.. 09 calling 907 Accident 602 in 201 area The victim is a Keeper of ROX The team will be there within 2 minutes 907 roger The spring always pass quickly Just you? Koka and Lukuou will be back after a sandwich snack Leisure guys This is the situation 22 minutes ago How did you teach these rookies? There is nothing more important than teaching Read the situation now This is the victim's image Jack Walkson, Keeper Director of ROX Corporation 54 years old He lost contact with other people after asking leave 5 days ago This robot's contract ended 3 days ago Weapons used by criminal are kitchen knives We checked neighbourhood parking records Try to verify with underground force Seven cards are found in victim's jacket We are now looking for their source What? .38 cali e pistol It seems no one has used the gun recently Was this a meaningless waste? Maybe some smart guy faked it 969 calling 906 We will arrive in 20 seconds Don't play a joke on me The rest of the work depends on you 907 calling 09 We leave site to 969 09 Roger Today is my daughter's birthday But I have bought nothing Let me drive you back You've made a mistake, Ishikawa Me too A daughter's birthday is the most important You looked happy It's the first time you didn't talk nonsense Because the body was incomplete, so I come OK, help yourself, we are leaving Why give the case to local police? Because that guy is involved We found it, in the refrigerator Heart, liver, kidney and pancreas This asshole After half a year, fresh dog food has been dry You call this food? You were his partner, weren't you? I would rather go with a recruit than him There are only complaints with him You are a partner less tough than Major What Ishikawa, you talk too much lately See you Batou What's up? Maybe dry dog food was not that bad Considering nutrition balance, that would be a good choice Impact to the neckbone has caused rupture and death Kitchen knives aren't the cause of death, They were used for dismembeing the body So the killer dismembered the body after murder That seems to be true The stuff we found in the refrigerator are the victim's bowels He suffered from gastritis, and hepatocirrhosis due to chronic alcoholism Why did the killer disassemble the victim's body in this detailed way? The killer may be a psycho Or it indicates a strong desire to revenge Then the killer wasn't professional And that twisted door handle? Analysis report suggests it's created by a NR26 artificial arm, made in China crab pincers shape Is that for military purpose? It should be inferior model from black market And all the pictures were confirmed What about the car? A mulit-illegal modified car... The conclusion? According to parking records, The car belongs to a violent organization, Human Society It's bullet-proofed This car has appeared several times in previous cases What a Human Society! Illegally produced What's their motive? What the hell does Human Society want? This was an old, voilent Japanese organization Drugs, prostitutes, gambling They're a part of all kinds of illegal business 3 days ago, captain tried to arrest their boss Now he is in charge of this case How could they make this decision! In organization, only the revenger of a predecessor's death could be recognized as the successor Another question Could the victim foresee his death? What's the reason for him to lurk in Human Society? All computer data is erased This is also your investigation object Is the killer using robots to mislead our investigation? At this time, all victims have no relationship with each other, or political-concerned And we almost have nothing to show for it. Adding this case, you first investigate these victims Other people return to previous positions. Dismissed Dukusa Come to my office before you leave What's the situation? Anyway, we must find the relationship between Human Society and Rox Corporation About Batou It is very important to undertake psychological interactive verification But I am not a computer psychologist You don't need to change professions when trying to comprehend another subject. You have family? Now do you feel happy? Yeah.. that is it Most people are between happy and unhappy It's touching They never give up their will for survival What do you mean? When I saw that guy, I remembered Major before her missing Solitary makes Evil need few things Just like the elephant in the forest Director, why did you choose me? You were recommended by the local department What does this mean? You don't need to change professions when trying to comprehend another subject. That is right You cannot live with the rule of a great man Shall we start a war? You don't need to change into a rascal if you are going to rascal's place Weapons are necessary We should prepare before going out What? Listen to my words Do you hate gangs? Very much I do too I can only tell you this I told you, we are going to a gang's place We don't need to change into gangsters but a weapon is necessary I have a family A bachelor could be better We'll go together We are partners, so you'd better tell me your plan Listen to me, Don't fire unless you have to Ok? I got it Let's go, partner What, is that you? Bring him here Don't shoot I said unless you have to Go, go Come on Image? Did he intend to mislead our eyesight? I hate these computers What's the matter? How can we attack in this dark and narrow staircase? Rush fast, I'll go first I'll go first, you're too big Eh? This bomb is a gift for you In such a wide riot You can't even kill 2 people with bullet-proofed vests Are you a woman? This is not only for the death of Keeper Director Tell me everything about ROX Corporation, as much as you know Come on, crab shit, you're not qualified to be my opponent That's just an easy job, idiot Tell me where the Keeper Director is Or I will hit you with my hand I haven't been there for 3 years I don't even know what my predeccesors did in that corporation Partner, you still alive? My wife and my daughter's face became clear in my ain But this guy is neither your wife nor your daughter He is Death I told you to investigate But you made this illegal I don't want you picking fights with gangsters. This city is not a jungle And you are not people-killing special agents Are you still angry? NO I didn't expect you'd save my life After being your partner, I would die hundred times We're an investigation team of 2 men Nobody cares what we did I have to find criminal evidence relating to the ROX Corporation So is that what you did? If he is really angry, we should have been fired Now that should be enough Now excuse me. Trampled by Quillson You should reset the right arm by yourself Increase defense and the shooting integrity system It's probably due to malfunction In this case, you should reset to default position Where's my previous arm? Don't speak nonsense This arm is made with organic material, especially tuned to your DNA Overload usage may cause initialization Get out! Wait Why do you have my dog? I went to your home Couldn't find the host but I did find a hungry dog That made me feel sorry for it. How generous of you to leave your dog alone. I took it to my home My daughter was happy, but my wife got angry because it soiled the carpet When did you put me under surveillance? All right, that's not your problem I don't feel comfortable being watched But how can you ignore it? If you hate, do not hate the old man Is it recreated? Original eed should be stronger This eed is created by test-tube It comes from a most ancient eed Does this come from a computer, really? What a persistent life That's why I said dry dog food is better It's its favorite And it's only on sale in that store It looked happy, bouncing a lot You shot 5 bullets in that store He is not insane This man was a good hunter Besides the Major Shall I tell you the reason he missed my head? They didn't want to kill you, it was just a challenge You picked fighting in the place of Human Society Over 10 people dead or wounded The store was shot up in the same day Are you crazy, or is your computer malfunctional? Wait, Did you feel attacked? This matter was not an independent accident From this, we can understand The significance of 9th Section What he said is right We were ordered to continue investigation But we won't need evidence hereafter And without any official support It seems that we have to go directly to ROX Corporation Quick victory keeps no secretary Go to the north as soon as possible The north? 2 people are not enough And... What about this dog? This matter that I will take care of. And yet you still time to feed your dog. Come on, mind your own business The biggest information city in the eastern-most area A particularly prosperous economic zone Just this colony Nationalism evanesced in vagueness Now this place is a paradise for enterprise criminals Even Union Nations Cyber Police, and Telecom Agents from ASEAN can't get their hands here I remembered those words, Act as an individual Represent with the same inheritance gene It looks like the nest of the spider Just like how an actinozoan changes into the coral reef Beautiful The essence of life lies in the continuance of genes What about social culture and expanded memory system The city looks like huge exterior memory sets There should be many people with this idea Adding me, the number could exceed the number of sand dust. It's written in verse 139, Psalms of the Old Testament I will check it It seems you are inclined to remember trivia. I don't want to hear this again Now you are over ROX Corporation After a long trip, it's about time for a visit Flight is over, we are in the process of landing They will fly as leaves during Autumn Gnarring to the chaos Now it is your turn, but we are not Satan Batou You're great man now, my position has been yours I will never forget your kindness Never forget? Forgive me, Mister Batou It's inappropriate to call me Mister Forgive me, Please You are the benefactor of my whole life Do you know that asshole Kim? I don't know such a person Many people have this name The Kim I am looking for is unique In our business, we make promises There are 2 kinds One is for keeping a secret, The other is for keeping truth Both of them are promises, Which one is yours? They say there is no honesty without secrets Let me ask again, Do you know that asshole Kim? I don't know such a person People are just like puppets on the stage Beginning from birth, Ending at death Puppet falls when the strings eak And then? They had been a long-term contractor with the Army A man can't reach when he is at the top, or when he is under Just like a man lying on the roadside Regardless of whether they had been special force or electronic disturbance specialist Secret arm sale, and other achievements The come-off will be the same all roads end at the tomb A characteristic man It is impossible for a robot to chang into a horse after a field trip This asshole can only demolish everything around him Let's go Batou, the highest sanctum We are late He escaped The ain has been burned out from attack and defense actions It doesn't help. According to the will in my funeral, All artificial flowers and birds should be rejected Hey! Don't sleep like a dead man Confucius told us not to sleep like dead men I have no time for your nonsense It has been a long time since our last meeting Are you here for official business? ROX Corporation They started Robot production from the very beginning Advanced robots ought a rapid expansion to this corporation Politicians and senior officers got their shares They became alert as the government paid attention to the business Assembly lines were shut down Perhaps they transferred assembly lines to that multi-flag ship And kept producing their robots Are you so depressed that you want to commit suicide? It's a big problem if true Eliminating human soul, producing human-shaped puppets I can't imagine what they are thinking If there is a perfect man Like a body without a soul A body until final a asion This is why Cyborg waste grows The human form is eternally beautiful No, they should not appear in the shape of a child. Because human beings have incomplete perception It is impossible for them to understand the inconsistency of reality They have neither this consciousness Nor the unlimited tendency Only robots or a God can make this true Shall we talk about official business? No.. There is only one creature who can be compared with a robot or God Is it animal? Lavrock A creature with self-consciousness stronger than we are. With no negative emotions A happy unconsciousness To these birds depending on fruit It is even harder than becoming God Changing into dolls as the dead That is the reason You don't know death before you know life Confucius said something like this There are few people who understand Death Most people keep unconscious, they are used to a stupid life People don't even have purposes for dying. Their lives fade away while waiting for death. So Kim chose to change himself into a full cyborg And then? They had been special force, or electronic disturbance specialist Secret arm sale, and other achievements All will be ended at the tomb A characteristic man It is impossible for a robot to change into a horse after a field trip Let's go Batou! Compliments to people who shall die today Sounds like an advertisement Hey! It makes people uncomfortable I got it Look outside, these things look alive Are they really alive? Thinking again These lifeless things seem alive Where does a robot's pain come from? They are robots made by human beings Very simple material made by human beings The terror to reset a robot is just the essence of human being A shadow between existence and non-existence Stop that, let's talk about official business It's also a science to know life We created this terror by ourselves In nature, humankind is too young It's quite simple to reset a machine made by a human being They are trying to make persistent active specimen From an 18th century robotics theory Because the realization of computerization and cyborgs Even the appearance of exterior memory sets The biological limitation of humankind was oken through excessive self-mechanization Humanity has overcome Darwin's Natural Selection Human beings have overcame evolution by their own means. Sublimation of consciousness Born from self-consciousness A dream to go beyond Nature Replacing the body with hardware That's the beginning of a Nightmare God is always located in geometry Let's go Batou! What do you feel? Who am I? In a computer-like maze, you are confused by computer Fortune comes with Misfortune 3 times Don't look at anything before you want it Don't listen to anything Just wait for the end So we visited this place 3 times The first omen should be the final end? There is no time for explanation When did you find out? We are fooled by the swindler who is waiting for our arrival You can be an electronic specialist but I am an elite spy with my guardian watching over me You stupid, clumsy exterior memory sets Check your memory If that is really this robot wrote AEMAETH on the ground That means getting energy from truth But when the prefix AE was erased, we saw MEATH That means death, from dust to dust. That's not real Our trap has been intruded What the hell! It is faked as real So I told you it is my guardian The game is over, Kim, show yourself This guy is just an ordinary robot Kim, you cannot defeat me Batou, is this a fake too? Not real? Have you got enough confidence? My ghost Humanity is pursuing the dream of life Is it a dream or a ghost? All non-existence I am a man useless, the same as you I wear shoes different from you I don't believe in ghosts Are you suffering from schizophrenia? I have to destroy your remains Prepare for death Your physical functions will cease eh... eh... Is it really a physical reset phenomenon? It is neither memory nor imagination It's what it should be You have to understand before you go further The time cannot be saved, so it is hard Memory shared computerization along with exterior memory sets When you go home Are the wife and daughter real? Or I am just a lonely individual? Or am I just making up the dream of a family? Is there any way to make sure? I knew, but for what? I have to know his purpose I come here for work That's an experience of virtual image When I get freaked in the food store Maybe it is caused by computerization just like what Ishikawa said Such a realistic guy may not be here The same idea I expected this from the beginning They wanted to intrude us Kim, this man is smart We will lose if he escapes Who's your guardian angel? He is gone In the cyber world In huge network systems, there is one area which integrates all domains You want to verify your existence? You got a daughter When we are in the jungle Kim knew this I am sure of one thing What is it? I am your partner Are you afraid? It's not like what you are thinking I want to go back alive, to my daughter But you cannot leave your job undone Shall we continue? I will collect all data evidence for ROX Corporation's guilt If this accusation is successful All computer rules must be oken up Our investigation was illegal The matter caused serial murders We have to find evidence for criminal penalty But Kim cut off all clues No His computer is linked to ROX Corporation We must capture all of them and destroy them. People have always been talking about doing the right thing. Now is time for battle Violence comes after the failure of negotiation Hey, this explanation is different from our trip to gangster place He is here I expect nothing from you Birds fly in the air fishes dive in the water Get contacted I knew Use this body to finish something It is deep here, very dangerous I had a friend who liked diving very much What? I don't know what you are thinking May I introduce Lin as your girl friend? No one goes back alive from that ship I don't know what you're thinking Just go ahead Hold fast Contact after 12 seconds The disturbance signal will feed back for 2 seconds only Understood This guy is linked to the Security Director's computer Synchronization Initialized Send back more information if you get in Just follow me Of course, the older one started invasion, recording began You are not a lovely guy Intruder! 2nd level security system reset Computer activity searching initialized in all facility Searching for virus in memory, initialized Searching for delayed virus and interactive surveillance Linking to Director impossible Reset as soon as possible System Reset finished 2nd level security system initialized Figuring intruder's waypoints Strengthening defense wall Supplementing antibody Virus checking Anti-spy game initialized Searching for lurking virus, full-scale No. 014 wall oken No. 032 wall error, error code 280 Quarantining affected area, initialized 1st level exterior defense wall rebuilt Identifying enemy's attack mode Virus transfer started Retreat! Your ain will be too dangerous to keep cool Wait, let me try again Shit, they are using this damned method! Assembly Lines Unfinished Project Only accessible for authorized Confirmed as unidentified lurking virus Stop him with all anti-body Virus tracing unavailable All facility in resetting, Linking with system unavailable Battle arm loading system, initialized Warning... abnormal body active in line THO7 All security armed Move to that line, repeat.. Soul Phenomenon happened Haven't see you for a time, Major What should I call you? This is only a part of me, through satellite There is not enough capacity in this computer I can only load battle system and arm defense system So I have to spare emotion and voice 50 meters away from here there should be an emergency terminal We can linkup there and capture all system Nothing changed Hurry up, I'll take care of this place Just like before Who gives me a mirror The ghost will be visible in the mirror It is not the time for reflection We don't have much ammo left Real time mirror can tell Hey, are you ok? This ship will be ours, it is just a matter of time Linked to supply terminal system Stop arm function before full control We can only depend on Batou's .30 gun Ammo reserve, only 1 magazine It seems our opponent will not surrender It's begun Abnormal linking activity in ship In ship? Tracing for linking point, defense action started Too many signals from multiple terminals No computer activity increased at all terminal Checking for all exterior linking point All linking points cut off except base facility All exterior physical parts isolated from this ship Emergency defense system inaccessible Long distance initialization failed Expansive Virus get in concourse Defense of system area failed System reset ready 1st level data quarantine started Many linking points found in the core system Interactive tracing failed All exterior links cut off This ship is under control Are we successful? Now this ship is no longer controlled by the north The nearest country sent force is coming in This ship could incriminate ROX Do we still have time for investigation? Found Naval frigate They are informed Finally Shall we go to see the true face of ROX Corporation Have you already known it? Batou, you want to go with us? No voice, electronic wave screened out Ghost face They can produce many animal examples but that will destroy the ain This technology was prohibited The Human Society supplies children who will be neutralized here They become ghost faces eventually That is the secret Help me Help me You come to save me at last, Walkson told me He said, the police will come to save me I came here when I was in the 4th grade, Suvalla was in the 5th grade I can hear nothing, or say nothing The murdered Director modified the robot program for this child but he was killed soon Nobody will notice this without robot case Then who will save me? We did not expect sacrifice It seems unreal How could it be, if a robot has no soul I can't imagine But.. But.. I never wanted to be a robot When you cried for birds, you cried for yourself People with voice is happy If a robot has his own voice He may cry, I don't want to be human being Ask yourself now do you feel happy? This scene has put me in a reminiscent mood I don't have this feeling, at least not now Solitary rejects evil Need few things Just like the elephant in forest Don't forget, Batou When you get online I will be with you Bye That ship is out Your guardian angel? Need me to write a report? I will pick you up at 8:20am tomorrow I cannot get back without a gift Do you want to come in? I'm indifferent to family parties. Dad! Have you got any gift for me? I did not forget this

FTP 1984 just like the prediction Excuse me I hope the anesthesia did no harm to her. Sir, Deunan is secured! Such a beauty... 8 hours 12 minutes, she slept so long. This legendary soldier is so cute when she's asleep. How are you? She will be surprised! when we get to the Utopia Utopia Do we get the permit of landing from Olympus A5? Don't get too close before ID is confirmed or the defense cannon will shoot. Here is Olympus A5. Permit confirmed. ESWAT109 landing. Briareos Let me take a look in the front. I go with you. You stay here. Don't worry; I'll be back in a minute. Briareos... A detailed inspection this time. According to the order from legislative institute. Still sleeping...perhaps wrong dosage? Don't move or I'll eak your neck! Deunan, take it easy! Briareos Unbelievable But it's the fact... So there is no winner after this World War? Yes. After that, Olympus (used to be the previous administration) takes control. That means I knew nothing and kept fighting for months? This is the war, right? But it's different here. Olympus is the government of Utopia. Why ought me here? Because you are an elite soldier. Your name is the first on the ESWAT list. ( New City Police) My mission is to ing people on the list from outer world to Olympus. ESWAT? I know you must have lots of questions. but please take a rest tonight. Tomorrow I will show you around the city. You will love our Utopia. Here is the bedroom. Haven't slept on the soft bed for a long time? I'll meet you at 10 Am tomorrow. You are Hitomi, right? Yeah. Did we meet before? I'm afraid not. Good night. When did you become to... In the battle of North Africa, I lost my body. It's been one year. From your father Carl... Keep it. Don't let others find it. Call me if you have trouble. Briareos Do you know those who attacked me? No. So sad. Athena you arranged that attack, right? It's impossible for the mercenaries to confront with ESWAT. Do you forget the mission of Bioriod? if the military knows, General Uranus will be pleased. We cannot control by ourselves. Gaea might have reached the limit. Athena, we don't have much time left. Nicole It's disclosed. I'm so sorry. Nicole We need our man inside ESWAT. I'll prepare right now. But the worst is We couldn't find that thing. Then It's not the time to use the last resort. But the fire has to be put out before it grows. Catch Deunan by all means! Yes sir! Human is such a strange creature that it traps itself. Captain Hades you are here! Imagine that ESWAT searching for the fake information... Until now we have finished 98 Perfect! The problem of special part on the leg was solved also. General Uranus will be pleased. Bioriod will be stopped. We should protect people like sheep not wolves, shouldn't we? Indeed that's the principle for our first generation Bioriod. However some wolves are in sheep-skins. No matter wolf or sheep, there should not be sacrifice. So sad. We've already known the answer. We have to argue with Gaea even like this. Then let's continue to talk with Gaea. Deunan Briareos Morning, Deunan. It fits well. Come on. Your visa was approved this morning. So Deunan you are one of our Olympus. Beautiful, isn't it? Remember yesterday, it's like a dream. From today this is the reality. Everyone seems happy. Because 50 are Bioriod. Bioriod? Man-made human. Clone? No, not the simple clone, but the elite human clone. Does it mean that the city is controlled by clone? It's not polite to say clone. I myself am one of the Bioriod. And although being elite, Bioriod doesn't control human. Bioriod coexists with human peacefully. and makes human society stable. half of them are Bioriod... This car is strange. The ultravi ate gravity system is installed. Ultravi ate gravity? Yes, like flying. It's said the driver could have a longer life. So the ultravi ate gravity control technology is finished. But can you control the car by that wheel? Because of the automation, this wheel is for the people. Simple theory, Complicated structure, makes people more human. What did you say? City planners used to say that. That is the symbolic building. Tarutarus and Tartarus. (Tar.ta.rus: Hell in Greek mythology.) There is the I.N. structure that controls Olympus. I.N? Means Intellectual Network control central system. aka. Gaea. Gaea monitors all of Olympus. especially we Bioriod. Why? Human has emotions. They argue and fight. Bioriod is restrained on emotions. They don't hate others. There is a perfect defense system d-tank with virus storage on the top of Tarutarus. If the virus is spread out, all Bioriod will die. It's the product of human defense instinct, but it's a shame. You mean human is more dangerous. So the balance is most important. Gaea monitors the effect of the Bioriod to human. But the monitored are still human being. You spoke like General Uranus. Who is he? General commander of Olympus military. An extremist that hate Bioriod. An unbalanced being in Utopia. Bioriod controls Olympus. Premier Athena is a Bioriod too. Athena? You know her? Guess not. Premier is just like the president. However the military is controlled by human. Scared, right? Until now the ESWAT under Athena is growing bigger. the relations with military go from bad to worse. But all decisions of Olympus are controlled by Gaea. Something wrong? We've got company. Hitomi, are you OK? Sure. But what the hell... They know what to do. So I am the target. Yes. Such is the reality. Briareos. Cannot unseal the Apple Seed. How are you doing, grandpas? Hitomi, are you alright? Are you hurt? I am ok. and I ing you Deunan. Ahh, the legendary beauty! Goddess of Fighting. You have the same eyes like Carl. You know my father? Not only that, Most Bioriod in Olympus have part of Carl's gene. That means Hitomi is your sister. We heard you met some unpleasant things. It's very complicated to control people from outside. We worry that the balance will be oken. First let's introduce Gaea to you. Enemies of the General The legislative institute and administrative institute began to confront each other. on the issues of Bioriod population increasing, etc. It's Carl's daughter that Athena wanted, right? Absolutely. Everything is prepared. Degree of the information source? It's 5. General, Please make the decision! Human cannot be the tool of souls any more. This is Gaea. Gaea lets the network grow and control Olympus. Gaea speaks with the seven old men and the conclusion becomes the spirit of Olympus. Gaea is the baby of many scientists' intelligence and spirits. However machine is the machine. It's absolute stable, a reliable tool. No emotions, no feelings. Only with seven old men's feelings Gaea could think more like human. But we have different opinions with Gaea these days. Our work is to argue with Gaea. The conclusion of the argue can lead Olympus to the right direction. Deunan, you were in the war yesterday, right? What did you fight for? Well... Human being will not stop fighting as long as there are emotions and desires. That's why we built Olympus. The last hope for human being is the coexistence of human and Bioriod. Gaea monitors the balance. Bioriod is totally different from human. Without the procreative ability, they have no children. No sex. No love, no desire, no hate. However if the life-prolong process is not evolved regularly, they will get old really fast and die. We wanted to make Bioriod different from human, so restrained their procreative ability. changed their life span. Hitomi, are you late for the life-prolong process? No problem, I will go there in two days. Wish someday there were no more troublesome process. Kudo your team are all dead. You are young, sorry for that. With only one knife, she killed 16 in ten minutes. This newcomer is great! You bloat too much. You shouldn't say those words to your others. Some day they might save your life. Can't you say something else? something nice to hear? such as how have you been? Nice to meet you again. Someone has interest on you. I know. But who are they? I don't know. What's Apple Seed? No idea. I don't want hear this. Sorry. My mission is to protect you. mission... Tomorrow we meet at 9. So you are the legendary girl fighter Deunan. It's said you were dead during the Great War. Your story at the War of North Africa became legend. May I sit here? Sure. Deunan, how about your father Carl? He died before the Great War. Sorry to hear that. Your mother? I cannot remember anything about her. My father didn't tell my anything either. You and Briareos were lovers, right? When he was human. So the body is more important for love. That's not what I mean. To men, the body resembles sex. Well... How do you feel in love? Ahh? You know Bioriod's emotions are restrained. I don't know what love is. I can understand it from the learning, but I never have that feeling. So I become more curious. I envy human on this point. Woman in love, how is that? The feeling to love someone. You SOB is only a Bioriod! Olympus military, stupid. Always make a scene. Synch-test finished, No problem found. Now adjust the safe belt. I want to confirm before that. the reason for the reduction of shock-absorbing is... I said that already. Dynamic structure can absorb shock. But the cartilage has many structures, joints, bearings and depressor mechanism are self-restrained, they will dislocate under too much stress. Yoshitsune, don't worry for Deunan. But usually no woman can operate Land Mate. Ok, let me try. Help me adjust the safe belt. Deunan, Yoshitsune is the best operator in Olympus. Only limited to Land Mate. Now prepare for the new structure. Next time let me see the inner structure please. Forget it, I am blushing. All secured? Yes, no problem. Ok, this is the start key. First you need to practice, slowly. Right. What happened? The emergency alarm. Unidentified Land Mates invaded Gaea research center! ESWAT act now! Come on let's move! Ok let me go. like that?! Deunan Stop! Coming Aiming... Deunan Hold on, don't come here! Drop the weapon! Briareos Sorry idiot action. The third generation Bioriod are all destroyed. The DNA system for life-prolong process are all destroyed also. They invaded by the underground elevator. Security system at Level 7 was oken. No invaders from outside of Olympus. We don't know who owns those land mates. Such a thing happened! We have to take the burden of the reality. No other choice. From now on block all sides of Tarutarus. No one is permitted to access the d-tank on the top. Yes. Emergency meeting right now!

Are you OK, Deunan? Hitomi! Why... She exceeded the life-prolong limit over three days! Hitomi! We are still not clear who owns the Land Mates that attacked Gaea. This is the end of ESWAT report for this terrorist attack. Please remain calm. We are trying to restore the life-prolong process. Please be calm and patient! Premier Athena, isn't it beyond ESWAT's authority to block all sides of Tarutarus? This is the only option under martial law. We are responsible to protect Gaea. Not for d-tank? To protect Gaea! Regardless of our Olympus military? I only chose the best option. What? Are you insulting me? Please, we have no time to argue! Ladies and gentlemen, this terrorist attack is targeted on Bioriod population, an unforgiving tragedy. All Bioriod would perish from the earth in the future. However, there is an only way to save them and protect Olympus. It took a long time to make the decision. We discussed with Gaea for a long time. Gaea had a decision. Gaea wanted to make Bioriod live. make Bioriod procreative. About the technology to restore Bioriod procreative ability, I heard that Dr. Katherine who developed the technology erased all information. that made the development impossible. That's true, General Uranus. If that technology information was indeed erased, it's impossible to develop it again. However the lost information which we called Apple Seed does exist! Soon we will find the lost Apple Seed, and restore the Bioriod procreative ability, make them evolve to the new human being, and build a new Utopia. Hitomi She's OK. Only sleeping Are you sure she could be saved? As long as we find the lost Apple Seed. If not her body will degenerate very fast, die in 24 hours. Not only Hitomi herself All Bioriod will have the same destiny. This is Premier Athena, are you Deunan? Deunan Do you know Dr. Katherine? No. We did research over twenty years couldn't go beyond Dr. Katherine's result. But if we get Dr. Katherine's Apple Seed, the Bioriod procreative ability can be restored, we can become the new human being regardless d-tank. Gaea made the final decision. Athena, we all depend on you. Deunan, please help us. This disc is the only clue? Is it real that the first generation Bioriod was born in this research center? Yes, according to my superior. Why did Athena cover the secret of this disc? Why did Dr. Katherine try to restrain the procreative ability of Bioriod? Deunan, this mission is dangerous. We need to concentrate to do our job. I wish Hitomi will be saved. Don't think too much. Can I ask you a question? In that terrorist attack, your last shot... Ah, never mind. Deunan, here. So this is it. Kudo, back off. Dr. Katherine, we have no time, please go! Athena, I have to erase the last one. We'll try to defend the first attack, please be hurry. Mommy Did you get up? What... Deunan, don't worry. Mommy Deunan, listen carefully. Mommy hid the most important information inside this necklace. But bad guys wanted to take it for bad things. I had to hide it. Bad guys? Yes. Bad guys that wanted to take away your future. So protect this necklace by all means. Nm, Deunan will protect it. Good girl. But if Athena asks you for this necklace, give it to Athena. Only Athena is exception. I know. Only Athena is exception. Deunan, protect the Apple Seed. Deunan, do you remember the thing we are looking for? Do you remember? Carl's pistol...is Apple Seed inside that necklace? Freeze, Dr. Katherine! Don't move! I beg you, don't move! Mommy, mommy! Deunan, don't come here! Don't shoot! Mommy Trouble. Olympus military. When... How did they know here? Too many enemies! Seaside occupied! Only one way to the top To the roof! Everybody stay calm! Room D at 5th floor. Redon, you betrayed us! I always hate Bioriod. As for the traitor, that guy is the first one! Hades Deunan, Long time no see. I regretted I didn't kill Carl by myself. No wonder you smell like Bioriod. With this Cyborg body, you two are still together. Tell you the truth, I was indeed afraid of seven old men's trick. But to trust your men is always your weakness, Briareos. Briareos, what's going on? Let me tell you Deunan. The one behind the attack to Gaea, is Briareos. Remember my Land Mate got away from him? Because of him, many Bioriods died. Is that true? Tell her you SOB! Come on give the necklace to me. Deunan. Hurry, go to the top! Hurry! Kudo! Go! Hold on! Stay away from me! Deunan, give me the necklace now! They want the necklace, not you. My mom protected it in her life. You know everything from the beginning. Deunan. You finally realized him, Deunan. Deunan, I am the Senator Uranus, Commander of Olympus military. Carl was my old friend, so was Dr. Katherine. I even remembered when you were a child. We don't want to hurt you. Just give the research information to us. We prepare to overthrow the legislative institute, destroy d-tank and eliminate all Bioriods. Make the human society more human. But the information in your hand will destroy our plan. Could you please give it to me? NO. Deunan Deunan Olympus is not the Utopia in Carl and Dr. Katherine's dream any more. I learned fighting skills from my father Carl. But I was confused why he wanted me to do that. Until now. General, my Mom told me I could only give this necklace to Athena. Bioriod isn't worth trust. They will control human being. Maybe they are not trusted, However Bioriods will not kill each other. General, we are wasting time. Deunan, it's a pity. Athena was protecting human society. So were Carl and Dr. Katherine. Tried to hide Apple Seed to protect human. They wanted to prevent the rapid evolution of Bioriod. Because Bioriod is a dangerous being. No. Continue Dr. Katherine's work, Athena does the research for Bioriod evolution step by step. General Bioriods always protect human society. The reason I help Hades, is to slow down the evolution process of Bioriod. and keep the lost memories lost. Athena wanted to hide the secret until the last. My mission is to give Apple Seed to Seven Old Men. So I get the job to protect Deunan. If so, that necklace must be destroyed. General, isn't it rather strange? Seven Old Men want the Apple Seed. They want to destroy d-tank using Apple Seed. Something is important for Athena to protect d-tank. General, don't let d-tank destroyed! Briareos Don't be fooled by the machine. This is revenge, Deunan. Can you imagine the life I had after I was fired by ESWAT? This is the revenge to Carl for firing me! I will kill all Bioriods with his DNA. I will kill all Bioriods! Hades No my fault, hate your father, Deunan! Sorry. Don't say that. Although it's the latest Cyborg cell, I still feel pain when hit by bullets. Please, don't speak anymore. Always want to see you When I was dying in the battlefield, just wanted to see you one more time. Then I was saved by Seven Old Men. I only want you to be saved, nothing else matters. I know. I became a monster like this. You didn't change. Still yourself. But I cannot protect you any more I won't let you die. Deunan, human... Briareos no human sacrifice allowed Seven Old Men promised that. However they were doing something under the table. Go, hurry! I cannot leave you here. The future of this planet is in your hands. I don't need a future without you. Deunan, don't let your mom die in vain. Enough. Deunan. Briareos Briareos Briareos sent SOS signal when he was hit. Cool. The special structure of Briareos is really perfect. Just in time to restore the tissue. He might be saved. Please save him. The fuel is enough for the trip. Ultravi ate gravity system is in use now. Flying is more stable. The center of gravity has some offset, but no problem for 60 degree rotation. Deunan, even we Bioriods have a few feelings left. Please save Hitomi. Mission accomplished. Thanks a lot. Deunan. Deunan, good work! Finally we restored Bioriod procreative ability. Hitomi has the same life system as human now. Hitomi is saved. I am so happy. No need to worry any more. Deunan It's you killed my mom? Did you have my mom killed? Deunan please forgive us. That was an accident. If Dr. Katherine were alive, We should have more options. Why did mom hide Apple Seed? We got the only hope from Dr. Katherine. To make human race survive, coexistence of human and Bioriod is the only way. But human never give up fighting. they hate the superior race. with vehemence. Human race has no ability to run this planet anymore, they discarded Dr. Katherine's ideal. According to Gaea's prediction, human race will be destroyed with earth in three generations. Deunan, it's time for human race to step out of the way. Step out? We human must give the future of earth to Bioriod. Dr. Katherine's virus, will have the most important role in this mission. Virus developed by my Mom? Yes, on the top of Tarutarus. Sealed inside d-tank. This virus can destroy the procreative ability of human being. No sacrifice in the human society. The human history will be ended peacefully. This is the euthanasia of human race. My mom objected that, she disagreed with the rapid evolution of Bioriod, So you killed her. There used to be tow options for coexistence with Bioriod or evolution to the new human race. To make a right and fair judgment, Gaea was produced. Dr. Katherine made great effort to produce Gaea. Gaea worked in Dr. KatherineˇŻs way. If Gaea has a different opinion, it's impossible to release the virus. Just then, the World War was started. this planet was turned to a wasteland. Olympus became like this Gaea was angry about General Uranus' hatred to Bioriod. So Gaea made the final judgment. Using Apple Seed to make Bioriod the new master race and erase human race from the history. You used me. Used me as the decoy to make Briareos obedient. Our effort is only to make Gaea decide. Gaea is a hoax. This is the fate of human, Deunan! Press this button, d-tank at Tarutarus will explode. Virus will spread all over the world. Stop there, old men! 984G calling, act ASAP! The button has no use. what do you want, Athena? To prevent the perdition of human race, Bioriod was created. Don't you forget that? Bioriod was set to obey the orders of human. We are not Bioriod anymore. Please call us the New Human. Athena, this is Gaea's decision! It's the rage to Uranus's rebellion, the punishment to human being's atrocity. General Uranus gave it up just a moment ago. He is seeking to coexist with us peacefully. General Uranus? Gaea should have known all the things. Deunan, Gaea's spirit was overridden. Gaea doesn't exist? The vehemence of human race is decreasing Gaea should have reconsidered the judgment. But the Old Men stopped Gaea, working on their will. Athena you are so smart. New human is perfect. To stop Gaea, your life-sustain system would be affected also. That' right. We are going to step out of history with human race. What the hell...the multi-leg cannon... All multi-leg cannons are proceeding toward Olympus! The multi-leg cannons are waling toward the top of Tarutarus! No one can stop them. All ESWAT Land Mates move now! Attack the cannons! Stop them by all means! The defense system of d-tank is un eakable, right? If hit by multi-leg cannon at zero distance, it will eak. Powerful sword and perfect shield, which will win? It's a tragedy to worship power. 15 minutes to Tarutarus in this speed! How about the evacuation of citizens? We are trying. That's the priority. Once the cannons enter no-man's zone, attack immediately! No.7 cannon is the control center of all cannons. Hitomi Hitomi I am sorry, grandpas. If stop the control box inside No.7, all cannons will stop. But DO NOT destroy it! No.7 has to be stopped manually. The access code is hitomi. Briareos Deunan, we have a promise. Deunan, go. No time. Human race will make the planet perish. Deunan, human race cannot turn back. Why not let the new human bear the sin of the human race? We will survive even it's not a utopia. Our future is in our hands. Deunan. No way, they have no weakness. 3000 meters to Tarutarus! We cannot hurt them at all! Captain, we are approaching No.7! Cover us! No.7 is the one in the middle. Attack the legs of No.6 and No.8! How about No.5? Let it go. All fire on No.6 and No.8! No.6 stopped! Good. How about No.8? Let me attract his fire Deunan you access him from below. Roger. Briareos Deunan Cannons reached Tarutarus! They are climbing toward the top! Deunan the time is out. No.3 cannon is near the top! No way to stop it. How come. Why. Briareos Deunan, let me go! No, I cannot! Input the access code! Mommy Stopped. All cannons stopped. d-tank is safe. Briareos Deunan, Hitomi. Where are the grandpas? oh... so the last letter of the access code... It's on us. Nothing changed. It must be the unchanging that make human race guilty. I will continue fighting even like this. For our children, for the truly new human race

COLF&HFFFFFF,STYLEbd,SIZE18,FONTArial Thunder Rumbling FTP 1984 Thunderclap Woman Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a Powell Pay-Per-View television event ! It's hard to believe, but tonight's heavyweight fight... is the swan song for the grand old Atlantic City Arena, the final event to be held in this storied hall... before it is gutted and completely renovated... as part of Gilbert Powell's Millennium Hotel and Casino. I'm eager to go ringside along with 14,000 fight fans... who have aved Hurricane Jezebel to-- Man Cut ! Cut ! Anthea, they want you to call it a tropical storm, not a hurricane. But it is a hurricane. Yeah, well, it's also a holiday weekend, so will you please just call it a tropical storm, please ? I love this town. They even spin the weather. All right, listen. We gotta go live on this one, so don't screw it up. And, Al, I think that's Powell going in there with Secretary Kirkland. Zoom in on them during the intro. - Anyway, why can't I do this from inside ? - All right, we're rolling. - Why do I have to stand out here like a-- - Five, four, three, - a weather bimbo ? - two, one, go ! Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a Powell Pay-Per-View television event. Well, the lucky ones are already inside at the fight... as the first taste of Tropical Storm Jezebel... Iashes the boardwalk outside the grand old Atlantic City Arena. It's hard to believe, but tonight's heavyweight fight... is the swan song for this storied hall. The final event to be held here before it is gutted-- What do we got ? Thirty, forty seconds ? Where's Janine ? My hair looks like shit ? I'm on TV ? I'm on TV ? Come on, for Christ's sake. I'm on in 30 seconds. Will ya ? - I think people would vote for this face. Don't you ? - Yeah, blind people. That's the only way you get anywhere these days. You gotta get your big, fat smile all over the tube. Hi. Rick Santoro. Hello. Richard Santoro. Screams I'm Ricky ! - Hey, you down on the fight yet ? - Oh, shit. I forgot. You seen Jimmy George ? - Yeah, he's down in the tunnel. - What tunnel ? There's a million tunnels. I don't know. The tunnel of love, over by Tyler's dressing room. - Here, lay 50 for me. - On who ? - On who ? On the bag of meat, on who ! On Tyler ! - Wow ! The whole 50 ? - Oh, up yours, Mr High Roller-- - I mean, why don't you just shoot it all ? - A hundred. - Anthea, lndistinct ...for his work with troubled youth, take on the challenger, Jose Pacifico Ruiz... - in a classic 12-round confrontation... - Man Rolling in five, -between a counterpuncher and a awler. -four, three, two, one. - Broadcast Continues - Phone Ringing Hello ? Hey, baby. How are you ? I was hoping it'd be you. Yeah. Happy almost birthday. Of course I'm still coming. I'm gonna be there when it turns midnight. Oh, yes, yes, I'm inging something with me. Uh, it's a surprise. Well, if I told you, then-- That's right, baby. No. No way. I'm not gonna give you a hint. No-- Shameless. Monique, you can't say that on a cel phone. Yummy. All right, I will give you a hint. I know you really want one, and it's going to keep you very, very warm. Uh, give me five secs. I'll call you back. - Hiya. - Jimmy George, wait up a sec. - Come on, Rick. I got people waiting for me. - Hey, that's Tyler ! - What're you lookin' at ? - Laughs That's Tyler ! - Where d'you think you're goin' ? - The A.C. executioner is standing right in front of me. - Were you talkin' to him ? - Hey, do I ask what you do at work ? No shit. The man bets on his own fights. Now that's confidence. - Come on, what do you want, Rick ? - What's up your ass ? - I'm havin' a bad day, okay ? - I want five large on Tyler. - Five large ? You got it on you ? Let me see it. - What are you, a bank now ? I gotta put up front for the privilege of betting on a lousy fight ? Yes, you do. Take it or leave it, because I don't need the aggravation-- Have I ever stiffed you one time, Jimmy ? Name one time. No, no, you never stiffed me. It's just that you take forever to pay. - All right. - Five grand. I'll see that a year from next Christmas. The guy is ten-to-one to win, all right ? I can't make any money if I lay less than that. I got a very-- very important birthday. I wanna buy one of those shorty fur coats they got at the designer shops over at Caesar's. You know how overpriced they are. Listen, I missed the part where any of this is my problem. I made a promise, Jimmy. I gave my word to someone. - A man's word means nothing to you, in your profession ? Please. - Come on. Cash means something to me. Words mean something to somebody else-- All right. Don't move. I'll be right back. - Cyrus ! - Hey. Hey ! Hey ! Crowd Chanting Tyler ! Tyler ! Tyler ! Laughing Crashing, Cyrus Groans Hey, hold it, pal. Where do you think you're goin' ? - On the job, sport. - Oh, shit. Sorry, sir. - Uh, you need a hand ? - On, no, no. I got it. - Shit ! - You kinda went the stupid way, didn't you, Cyrus ? Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! I got a cut. I need a medic. Medic. Medic. Medic. Medic. - Well, that's a start. - What ? Wh-Wh-What do you want ? - What do you think ? - No ! - Yes ! - Now, come on, this is not fair. Man, come on ! - Call a cop. - Grunting, Groaning - Hey ! - No ! Get outta here, man ! Grunts You got the wrong attitude about all of this, Cyrus. You gotta keep positive. See, when we have these little visits, I allow you, I permit you, - Groaning - I give you the opportunity... to pay for all the extra police work that you create. - Panting - Groaning Continues Now, doesn't it feel nice to contribute to society for a change ? Come on ! Don't do that ! Oh, come on ! You got a bad attitude, you hear, my friend ? What makes you think you're better than me ? Friends, Cyrus. Everybody loves Rick Santoro. Jimmy George ! Crowd Chanting Tyler ! Tyler ! Tyler ! Three grand on Tyler. This one's a little sticky-- - 2900. I don't want this one. - Why ? - There's blood all over it. - Well, aren't you delicate. Tyler ! Whoo ! Neptune High, right ? Check it out, right here ! Go, Sea Devils ! You and me, Tyler ! Yeah ! Go, Tyler ! - Get lost. - Go, Tyler ! Go, Tyler ! Go, Tyler ! Go ! Go, Tyler ! Go, Tyler ! Go, Tyler ! Whoa ! Lincoln Tyler ! Lincoln Tyler ! Lincoln ! Ow ! - My lucky number seven. - Gee, that's a new one, mister. You are sunshine on a stormy day. You should work in the casino. - Oh, I'm gonna. I mean, I wanna. - Yeah ? - This is just sort of temporary. - Let me make a few phone calls. - Would you ? - Yeah. Do you know how to deal blackjack ? - No. - All right. Call me. I'm Rick. - This goes straight to my special phone line. - Phone Ringing - Bye, mister. Bye ! - Hello ? - Fight Bell Rings - Oh, yeah. No, hi, babe. Clears Throat No, I just had something stuck in my throat. Well, tell him to go to sleep. I'll talk to him in the morning. - No, I can't. - Crowd Shouting That's why. All right, tell him I love him and I'll-- No, Angela, don't-- Hi, Mikey. I know. No, I didn't forget. I haven't seen him yet, but as soon as I do, I'll ask him, all right ? All right. I love you too. No, no, don't put Mommy-- Hi. I don't know. Late. Later than that. Later than that. Yeah, sure, if they're open. With extra cheese ? I don't care. I don't care ! I'm not gonna eat it ! Pepperoni, sausage, Canadian bacon-- Listen, why don't you just get the deluxe and save time, all right ? Look, I got business. Call me back in five. There he is ! - You got a pass, sir ? - It's all right. He's with me. - There's the man whose life I want ! Laughs - You're late. You know me. Always upholding justice. When did you get in ? Last night. I flew in from Norfolk with Powell and the secretary. - Hey, is that him ? - Tuck in your shirt and I'll introduce you. Jesus ! I get you a front row seat, and you show up lookin' like Don Ho. Well, pardon my savoir faire, Admiral. Why are you so uptight ? It's fight night ! I'm runnin' security tonight. I got a lot on my mind. Kirkland's high profile. He's all over the news... and ings the nutcases out of the woodwork. He's a real publicity hound. Look at this. And now, the distinguished secretary of defence... of the United States of America, Mr Charles Kirkland. Crowd Cheering And seated next to him is a man that needs no introduction. Continues, lndistinct Great idea. Put a flashing light on your head while you're at it. Your host for the evening, Mr Gilbert Powell ! Crowd Cheering - Maintain focus on the principal, mister. - Sorry, Commander. - Got your locator on ? - Yes, sir. - Go cover the west exit. - Yes, sir. Oh, and throw in a couple martinis while you're at it. - It's fight night. - Look. See that blip ? That's him. Look at you, 007. Man, I'm so impressed. I wanna get your autograph or somethin'. I can picture us like yesterday, workin' summers on the beach, carrying the oars back across the hot sand. No, me I can picture carrying the oars. You were usually under the boardwalk with a cute piece of jailbait. - It's me, your lucky number ! - Listen, I gotta hit you up for something. Mikey's crazy about submarines right now. I mean, everything's submarines with him, and he wanted me to ask you if you'd get him a ride on one. Well, sure, Rick. We'll dock the Polaris right out at the steel pier. Come on. This is the kind of thing godfathers do. Come with us. I promise I won't embarrass the ass. I haven't been on the water since the Renville, but I'll pull some strings for Michael. - How's Angela ? - Fat, fantastic. I love her. What about the other one ? What's her name ? Candy ? Monique. Skinny, mean, expensive. I love her. Man Shouts - Ow, yeah ! Ow ! Yeah ! - Come on. Applause, Cheering Yeah ! Look at-- Yeah, baby ! Go, baby ! Yeah ! You got a wife, a kid, a house in Margate, a girlfriend and an apartment. Bein' a cop pays six figures now ? I save coupons. Are you my conscience ? You could use one. Does Angela know about Monique ? See, now there's a good idea. What are you gonna do, turn me in again ? That was just to teach you a lesson. You never shoplifted again, did you ? - No, I never got caught again. Angela's happy, trust me. - Angela's not happy. She's just uninformed. Maybe if she knew the rules, she could play the game too. Listen, if Angela knew the rules, there would be no game. Rule number one: Angela can't know all the rules. Look, I'm not like you, Kevin. I can't have sex with the same woman for 20 years. - It's not natural. - Terry likes to talk to me during sex. -Last night, she called me from a hotel. - Laughing Go, Lincoln ! Cheering, Shouting Does that seem right to you ? Kevin, that is right in so many ways. No, I mean, who's she with ? Not the guy next to her. Beautiful woman alone at a fight. Sexy lady. What's the problem ? You've gotta get outta this town. You know that, don't you ? Would you stop going all Jiminy Cricket on me. You can't help yourself, can you ? No, really. I mean, get your butt down to D.C. I call a few guys I know from Annapolis, arrange some interviews, get you a G.S. rating, you're in our programme. Bureau of Diplomatic Security pays double what your salary is here, and the money's clean. All right, all right. You gotta fix my life later. I got money on this. I wanna stay in a good mood. You know, keep positive. Because this is fight night ! Don't make Michael grow up here. This isn't a beach town any more. It's a sewer. But it's my sewer, Jiminy, and I love it. I kick around about six square blocks. Everybody knows me. I got the whole town wired. Someday if I manage to get my face on TV a few times, maybe I'll run for mayor or something, but that's as far as I want to go. Because I was made for this sewer, baby, and I am the king ! Fight Bell Dings Announcers, lndistinct He's taunting the champ mercilessly. I haven't seen this kind of disrespect... shown to a heavyweight champion in the ring since-- Would you stop playing and fight ! - Buster Douglas. - Buster Douglas, exactly. The condition he's in, sooner or later-- - Look at Ruiz dance around ! The crowd is loving it ! - She's not watching the fight. - Or hating it. - Or hating it. Exactly. What they came to see tonight was a professional heavyweight championship fight, and that is not what they're getting, and you better believe they are letting these fighters know it. You know, I seriously wonder just how seriously the champ is taking this fight. - Shouting Cheering - Announcer Continues The champ has shown up here tonight in the worst condition of his career. Yeah, I've got to agree with you. - There was a lot of speculation about the condition he was in. - Phone Ringing Hello ? Hey, baby, kind of a bad time right now. What ? All right. Guess quick, okay ? All right. The hint was, you really want it and it'll keep you warm. No, Monique, it's not that. I mean, I had that. It goes where I go. You know what l-- Hang on. Wha-- Oh, Jesus, Angela ! The fight's starting. What ? The deluxe has meatballs, baby ! All right, I gotta go. The fight's starting. Listen, I gotta go. The fight's starting. Hey, I dig affection, baby, but not while I'm driving. - Oh, I'm sorry. - That seat's taken. Oh, but you can sit here. - Well, I'll just need one minute. - Me too. - Laughs - Announcers Continue, lndistinct - It's in the pocket. - Have you been writing to me ? - Fighters Punching - Shouting Yeah, go Sea Devils ! Announcer Holy cow ! The challenger is down ! Ruiz is down ! What a punch by Lincoln Tyler ! - Ruiz was pushing it ! He was-- - Loud Thud -He head-butted ! -Oh, he head-butted ! It's a head-butt ! - Here comes the pain, baby ! - Oh, he must not-- Didn't he see that ? - Here comes the pain ! - This is a potentially devastating blow to the champ. I can't see if it's opened up a cut over his eye or not. We saw it in the Holyfield-Tyson match, and we see it here. - You're a bum, Lincoln Tyler ! How can you-- - He's down ! Listen to me, Mr Secretary. I am telling you, you are the one that's gonna be sorry. - Phone Ringing - Referee Get back ! Neutral corner. Hello. What ? Who are you ? Where ? - My lucky number ? - Gunshot - What ? - Woman Screaming Crashing Silenced Gunshot Gasping Screaming, Shouting Principal is down. Hey ! - Gunshot - Woman Screams Gunshot Gunshot Gunshots Continue Screaming Continues Kevin ! Kevin, he's down ! The man is down ! Get outta here ! Oh, yeah ? Screw you, man ! Tommy, get this scum out of here ! - Oh, Jesus. - There were two hits. The girl next to me, she threatened him, took something, got shot and ran away. Screaming Continues - Oh, my God ! - Shut down the arena. - Shit. Is he dead ? - Get on your goddam radio and shut down the arena ! - Hey, be careful ! - Let go of me ! - What happened to you ? - Would you please ju-- - What's going on ? Come back here ! - Let go of me ! Let's get this gurney up ! Let's go ! Come on, make a hole through there ! Get that crowd outta the way ! Come on ! Tell him to ing that ambulance through the main entrance into the arena tunnel ! You're gonna be all right. You are gonna be all right, Charles. You're going to the hospital right now. You're gonna be okay. You have my word on that. Come on, come on ! Get those people outta the tunnel ! Move it, there ! He's gonna die, Rick. This is my fault. I should never have left my seat. I opened up a sight line. I was off the deck. What the hell was I doing ? This is my fault ! What the hell is the matter with you ? Don't talk shit like that where people can hear. You don't understand. I pulled rank on regular detail and took command of security. I told them the secretary would be better protected with me running the operation, because I know the area, the layout of the arena and the local law enforcement. I get assigned, I step out of position, the secretary takes a bullet in the throat. - Why were you out of position ? - I should never have left him. I could be court-martialled ! That is not gonna happen ! We're not gonna let that happen. Do you understand ? You are not going to prison, so you just forget about that ! All right, back up. Why were you out of position ? The girl-- the redhead-- I went over to check her out. She ran, and I followed her up here. Don't say redhead and don't say girl. Say suspicious character. You followed a suspicious character, and when you got up here, you saw an assassin fire, so you took him out, end of story. Rick, leaving my post is dereliction of duty. It's gross negligence. You killed the assassin ! You saved the day ! You're a hero, Kevin. That's what happened, and that's how we'll spin it. - It wasn't procedure. - Screw procedure ! Look, who do you think you're talking to ? I'm not some beat cop that needs you to plant a piece for him. Kevin, if there's one thing I know, it's how to cover my ass. I see this shit happen every day. What you say and do right this minute is gonna change the rest of your life. Go to confession later, but don't bury yourself now ! Man Clear it out ! Comin' through. Thunder Rumbling Rick Those are state cops. They're gaming enforcement. They're gonna try and muscle us, but we're not gonna let that happen. If we're first contact when the feds get here, everybody writes from our report, and your story holds up because we say so. Sighs We just gotta keep all the media outta here till then. How long will it take the feds to get here ? Man No comment. This is an active investigation. F.B.I.'s gotta come from Trenton, so that's an hour, maybe an hour and a half with the storm. So we just gotta fight these guys for an hour and a half, and you're in the clear, okay ? - I can't lie, Rick. - It isn't lying ! You just tell 'em what you did right, and you leave out the rest ! Man Shouldn't even be here. This is a crime scene. Or you can throw away your whole career. Gordon Pritzker, Division of Gaming Enforcement. What the hell is going on here ? 187 with an officer-involved shooting. Secretary Kirkland was shot in the neck. Paramedics just wheeled him out, and that's the perpetrator. Security detail leader took him out during the shooting. That's right. Commander Kevin Dunne. I'm with D.O.D. - Who are you ? - Atlantic City, Major Crimes. - I'll take it now. - No, bullshit you will. This isn't my blood, all right ? It's the secretary's. I was sitting right in front of him. I'm a homicide detective and a material witness. This is mine about six different ways ! A.C. cops got no business in the casino. This is strictly D.G.E. and state police. We're not on the casino floor, Gordo ! And this arena ain't the Millennium yet ! It's Atlantic City, New Jersey, and that belongs to me ! I'm acting case agent until relieved by appropriate federal authority ! Now, you want to help, you go tell your men to get all the media outta here right now ! Unless you want the 9:00 news to give the secretary's wife and kids... a close-up look at his internal organs. Phil, Jim, make this whole arena a crime scene. Shut it down. Nobody goes in or out till the main investigating party gets here. You're the one who told them to seal the doors ? You can't hold 14,000 people in these goddam exit tunnels ! Yes, we did, and yes, we can. Those are 14,000 eyewitnesses ! - Excuse me-- - We can just take as long as it takes... to get 14,000 addresses and 14,000 phone numbers... and take 14,000 pictures, now that I think about it. Thunder Rumbling Let's get the hell outta here. Laughs You're home free, baby. All right. The woman who ran away-- You said, she, uh-- she took something. What was it ? - It was in a manila envelope about this big. - What did she look like ? Caucasian, late 20's, dressed in white, blood everywhere. She had a blonde wig, dark hair underneath. All right. You stay here with every uniform you can get. I'll run a top-to-bottom and find her. You guys, come with me. Man Excuse me. Excuse me. Commander Dunne, sir ? Could you give us the identity of the assassin, please ? - Sir, how does it feel to be a hero ? - Hey, you, get outta here. We told you never to talk to the people here. No press in the arena. I said no press inside the arena, Lou. Not in the arena ! Hey, I could see why you want these other assholes outta here, but I didn't think you were talking about me too ! - You know what kind of eak this is for me ? - You can't show this. Look at the mess on the floor. The guy's got a family. Have a heart, for Christ's sakes. All right. I won't shoot the spaghetti, then. Come on. Whenever they make statements, they always have one pool reporter asking all the questions. That's the way they do it. Come on. Let me be the guy. - Have you got the playback for the pay-per-view up there ? - Yeah, right up here. Look, you don't know what this would mean to me, Rick. You think I want to do this, this pay-per-view shit for the rest of my life ? Do you know how Rather got his eak ? - The goddam Kennedy assassination ! - Ah, you make me sick, Lou. Hey, if you're gonna be on TV, who better asking you the questions... than your old pal Lou, huh ? Plus, I can have two grand cash in an hour and a half. You are a disgusting human being. Hey, five grand in an hour. - Congratulations, Lou. You're the guy ! - Yes ! Hook up out in the hallway. I don't want to see one TV camera inside. - Right. - This whole arena's a crime scene. Hey, Rick, I gotta tell you, I will always be there for you, my friend. Oh, yeah. See if you can find me another shirt if I'm going on TV. I don't wanna look like this. - Gotta be, you know, classy like you, Lou. - Yeah. And, uh-- Yeah. Here's your hundred back. All bets are off. Chattering, Shouting Secretary of defence gets his head blown off, and you want to look at the knockout punch. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Stop. How many cameras do you have on it ? - I got four. - All right. Let me see 'em all. Tape Rolling I'll be damned. Air ball. What kind of a Sea Devil is that ? - Police Announcement, lndistinct - Sobbing Oh, God. What did you get yourself into ? Look here. Mr Tyler, he ain't in the mood to talk to nobody. You see where your hand is ? That's a felony. Thunder Rumbling Door Closes Roars Give me a C ! Give me an H ! Give me an A-M-P ! What's that spell ? Everybody ! Champ. Lincoln, how ya doin' ? Good to see you again, eh. - What, am I supposed to know you ? - Rick Santoro. Neptune High. Fellow Sea Devil. Class of '80. - I don't remember you. - Come on. You must have seen me play. My hair was long then, but whose wasn't, right ? - Mr Santoro. - Detective. Detective Santoro. Now, I know it might be a bad time, but could I get you to sign an autograph for my son ? He thinks you're the greatest, just the greatest. To Mikey. I bet if you saw my graduation picture, the face would ring a bell. Look, I don't know you, okay ? Lincoln, you hurt my feelings, and after I dropped ten grand on you. You know what ? I think it would show more respect... if you address my client as Mr Tyler. I'll call him Mr T ! The night he beat Rocky Balboa, if he wants. He's a bad pony. I don't have to tell you, right ? Yeah. Yeah, I saw Jimmy George. You know, the bookie. He was coming out of here before the fight. How much did you lose ? Or did you win ? Know what I mean ? - Wasn't his night-- - I'll say. Hey, look. The guy was a great fighter. He fought very furiously. You know, you've never been knocked out your whole career. I mean, ever ! Since your first Golden Gloves in what, '82 ? I'd know. I've seen all your fights. What with us both being from the same school and both being Sea Devils and all. The man head-butted me, and I don't remember anything after that. Excuse me, Lincoln. Would you drink a glass of water or something ? You're lying so much, your mouth dried up, and you're making that funny-- that smacking sound. Let me remind you who you're talking to, hot shot. Lincoln Tyler is a significant public figure. He's a goddam pillar of this community. Let's keep that in mind, or this little interview that we're having here is over. - Look, the guy-- the secretary-- he's dead, isn't he ? - Lincoln, Lincoln. - If you have a question, let me ask it for you. - Look, Mickey ! I just want to know if the guy is dead. Is he dead ? Um, the smart money ain't on him. That's it. That is it. Laughs Do you know who you reminded me of out there ? Sonny Liston ! Remember in '65, they said, Hey, Sonny, don't take any chances. Ali almost killed you the first time. Take the payday. First punch, you go down. Flop. Splat. That's you ! - That's you ! - Detective, either arrest him or leave. What would I arrest him for ? What would I arrest you for ? - Getting up too quick ? - What ? What ? Come on. I saw you, and you saw me. Don't pretend like you don't know who I am, girlie man. You wanted it to look like a knockout, but when you heard the gunshots, your eyes were open in half a second. Totally understandable reaction, but it ruined the performance, don't you think ? What the hell do you want ? The man knocked me out ! I looked at the fight tape, Lincoln ! Yeah ! It was a phantom punch ! A little bad Hollywood acting, but the athletic commission might find it interesting. And a second after you go down, an assassin fires. Well, that's some coincidence ! I guess they don't call you the Executioner for nothing ! And you sign my kid's autograph ! All right, that's it. Everybody get out. - Listen to me. This guy's a snake. - Mickey ! What don't you understand about this ? Get the hell outta here ! Go on, get out ! Thunder Rumbling Sighs His name ? Michael Santoro. Man On Loudspeaker This is a crime scene. In order to exit the arena, we must see an authentic picture l.D. If you cannot produce one, you must step to the left... where the officer will take your photograph... and record your name and address. I'll say this one more time. No one, with no exceptions, will be allowed to exit the arena until your identity has been recorded. Everyone's cooperation will be greatly appreciated. Grunts Watch your step. Man Hey, hey, hey ! I said no press in the arena, goddam it ! Men Shouting Move to the right. Clear the way. Siren Wails Chattering Continues Indistinct Shouting That punk fights like a bitch. He got no snap in his punches. He swings with his arm, no shoulder muscles. You threw the fight. If I say yes, can we cut some kind of deal ? You don't need a deal. I'm not gonna say anything to anybody. You pay me back the ten grand I lost, plus $500 for shaming the ring, and I forgive you. - Glasses Clink - What'd you do it for ? You can't need the money. You gotta be worth millions. - They didn't tell me they were gonna kill somebody. - Who ? Who didn't tell you ? Look, man. See, you just don't understand. I just gave away the one thing I know that makes me me. Sighs The heavyweight championship. Now that I don't even have that, I don't even know who I am any more. - What did they have on you ? - Indistinct Shouting - Get 'em outta here, Cyrus. - Oh, yo ! Pay-per-view, huh ? Oh, man, great shot, buddy. Yeah, great shot. Great shot. Terrific. Come on, take a hike, okay ? - This is so good. - There's cameras everywhere, for Christ's sake. What about if the guy from the commission comes in here, he wants to check your gloves. What are you gonna do, retire and live on your savings, huh ? What savings ? You gotta have this freak show here tonight of all nights. - Mickey, Mickey, Mickey. Come here, Mickey ! - Forget about it, Cyrus. - Come on ! - I did not go to law school for this. - Mickey, I can't-- - What ? Keep your shirt on, Cyrus. Come on, Mickey. I'm trying to do this here. - Four, right ? - No, no, no, no. - Four, Mickey ! - I said three. The deal was three. - Four ! - Hey, Mick. - What do you want ? - Just a second. Give me 35. - I got a quick question. - Take a hike. - Come on, man ! - I'm gonna get you later. Get outta here. I'm gettin' a lot of bets-- very large bets against Lincoln, that is. I'm just wondering what the fuck is going on. - Would you please lower your voice ? - Okay, look, I'm sorry. It's just everybody knows Lincoln likes the action, right ? I mean, what I'm saying is Lincoln likes to gamble, right ? It's not exactly a secret. Never on boxing. I've been through all this shit with the commission. - I do not have to explain it to you. - I know about the commission. - Never on boxing. - You're right. Yeah, that's right, okay ? He's in pretty heavy at some of the casinos, isn't he ? And some people are saying that maybe he's looking to clean up the books a little. Maybe Lincoln's decided tonight's not his night. You actually come to tell him there's a lot of action against him ? - Then you have the nerve to accuse him of what ? - You know what I'm saying. I've never been this offended in my life. I want you to tell Lincoln what you just said to me. Come on. Hey, Lincoln ? Jimmy's got something really interesting to tell you. Listen to this. - Go on, tell him. - Forget it. Forget everything I said. - Come on. Listen. - Knock him dead, champ. Jimmy George, wait up a second. - Hey, come on, Rick. I got people waiting for me. - Hey. Hey. Hey ! - That's Tyler ! - Hey, what are you looking at ? Go buy a ticket. You are never gonna get away with this. - Get out of my face, Mickey. - Look at me ! - No. No, no, no, no, no ! - Look at yourself ! Bleed, Mickey ! Bleed ! You taught me that. Grunting Remember ? No, no. No way, man. You got yourself into this. You get caught, you lose my phone number. I told you, you can't live like you do. You make yourself vulnerable. Everybody wants a piece of you. - Well, look at this, man. They got all of you now. - Grunts That's beautiful. That is-- That's terrif-- That's great. - That's great. Jesus Christ ! - Mickey ? - Yeah ? Cyrus, here. - Come on, Mickey. I got bills to pay. - Take that and get lost. - Best of the best, right, Mr Tyler ? - Come on, get outta here. Move along. - Tyler ! Tyler ! Tyler ! Tyler ! Grunting Tyler ! Ty-- -Words mean something to somebody else-- -All right, don't move. - I'll be right back. Cyrus ! Cyrus ! - Yo, yo. - Cyrus ! - Yo ! How much were you into the casinos for ? Enough. The people that set this up said if I dropped this one, they'd square everything I owed. Plus, if I lose to an underdog, it would set me up for a rematch, and the rematch is where the real money is. They didn't say what round they wanted it in. They were gonna let me know during the fight. There was a guy in the front row. They told me what he was gonna say, and he was gonna be the signal to go down. I ain't never gonna forget those words: Here comes the pain. It was all I could do to keep from taking him out. Just one punch. Shove that radio right through the side of his head. - Radio ? - Yeah. He had one of those things in his ear. Anyway, the fight started. Come on, man. Come on, old man. Let's see what you got, old man. - I couldn't get that sack of shit to take a decent swing at me. - Is that all you got ? He wouldn't stop talking, like he was gonna bullshit me to death. Gotta do better than that. Come on, baby ! Ohhh ! Come on, now ! You're too slow, old man. Come on ! What you gonna do to me, huh ? Grunting Laughs That's what I'm talking about. Whoo-hoo-hoo ! Yeah ! Come on, baby ! Come on ! Come on ! Let's see what you got ! Let me see what you got, old man. Come on, ing it to me. Come on ! Come on ! Yeah ! - Grunting - Laughing Yeah, I'm right here. I'm right here. What are you trying to do with that stuff you got ? Come on. You're too slow ! I was just trying to shut him up. I barely even tapped him, and I almost won the fight. Rick ln Audience Go, Sea Devils ! Referee One, two... three, four... five... six... seven... eight-- Sighs - Are you okay ? - Yeah. Yeah. Get it on ! Grunting You punch like a bitch ! This is a fight ! Get-- Crowd Booing And he did head-butt me. I wasn't lying about that. Everything went wrong. It was like he was trying to screw up the deal. - I'll stop the fight. - No ! - Right after that, I got the signal. - Are you all right ? - Are you sure ? - It was quicker than I thought. - Maybe they were getting nervous. - Let's get it on. Here comes the pain, baby ! Here comes the pain ! - Here comes the pain ! - I showed you what it's about ! I wasn't supposed to go down right away. They were very clear about that. I had to take a punch, fall back into the corner, let him charge in and knock me out... because they wanted everybody up on their feet, distracted, giving him a clear shot right through the count. But that punkass son of a bitch didn't sweep through the punch, and I was so far into the act in my own head, you know, by the time I realized he didn't connect, I was already in the corner. - Grunting - You're a bum, Tyler ! How could you do this to me ? He's a bum ! Get back ! Neutral corners. Get back ! Stay there ! One... two... three... four-- Gunshots, Screaming But nobody was supposed to die. - She never said anything about that. - She ? She ? - Thunder Rumbling - You hear that storm out there ? - I wish it would blow this whole town away. - No, no, no. Who's she ? She's the one who came to me in the first place, told me I was supposed to go down. - I never met anybody else but her. - Did you get a name ? Yeah, name, address, serial number, 8 by 10 colour picture. You wanna look at that too ? Do you remember anything unusual about her ? - Her hair, maybe. - What about it ? It was ight red, like it was on fire. A Palestinian who's lived in the United States for the last six years. He's believed to be linked to a series of threatening letters... written to various defence secretaries expressing outrage... over the sale of missile systems and other weaponry to lsrael. A handwritten note was found on Rabat's body. Would you hold that up too, please ? Apparently he intended it to be found after the shooting. Uh, Commander, what's in the note, sir ? I can't disclose that until it's been studied by investigators. Commander, could you give us the condition of the secretary, please ? He was taken to Atlantic City Medical Center, but, uh, I have no other information at this time. That's all I can say until the F.B.I. joins the investigation. Thank you, Commander. That was Commander Kevin Dunne. Continues, lndistinct - Did you find her ? - No. She might have gone into the casino. There's a dozen service doors from here to there. We couldn't watch all of them. - Well, double the men you have at the casino exits. - I gotta talk to you. - What is it ? - Let's go somewhere private. Just because a guy has something plugged into his ear doesn't mean-- I asked. Tyler says it was a radio. Okay, we'll check it out. But a compulsive gambler who admits he took a dive... might not turn out to be the best witness in the world. It's not just him. I'm betting the redhead is the person who told Tyler to throw the fight. She's one, shooter's two, Tyler's three, the drunk who shouted the signal's four, and whoever was on the other end of that radio is five. Five people make a conspiracy, right ? Yeah, yeah. Look, anything's possible, but I gotta tell you... we got a file an inch thick on this guy Rabat. He's a well-known nutcase. It was clear he was ready to die for his cause. That's a suicide note. You know, l fly into the arms of Allah, shit like that. He was all worked up about our missile sales to lsrael, and it's conceivable that he found out about the Norfolk test. Norfolk test ? What's that ? Kevin, I know it's classified, but I am the investigating officer in a murder now. All right. But what are you chasing this for ? You don't get out of bed unless there's an angle in it for you. Guys get elected president just for being in the right place at the right time. I only want to be mayor. Look, part of what I'm going to tell you, it could bury me. I hope you can keep this between us. Kevin, you're talking to your best friend. And loyalty's my only vice. So what's the problem ? The problem is that I was in too good a mood. That trip to Norfolk was for a weapons test... for the AirGuard, Powell's new antimissile defence system. It's light years ahead of the Sea Sparrows our ships have now. If we had this in the Gulf when the Renville-- After the Renville incident the old man picked me to sell it to congress. Everybody at D.O.D. wanted it to work, and it did. The test went beautifully. By the time we got to the fight tonight, we were all high as kites. I let the excitement get to me. I lost my edge. - Dunne Can I see your ticket, please ? - My what ? Your ticket, ma'am. I need to see your ticket for this seat. Oh, my ticket. Um, yeah, sure. I think I have it here. Fighters Punching Crowd Cheering Dunne Hey ! Dunne Hold on a minute. I was talking to you back there. Where do you think you're going ? I'm going to the ladies' room. Is that okay with you ? In the middle of the first round ? You're not much of a fight fan, I guess. Look, uh, Sarge, I don't know who you are, but you have no right to hassle me like this. I get paid to hassle people. Show me your ticket, or I'll have you escorted out. Okay, okay. I don't have a ticket. I mean, I have a ticket, but it's way up there in the nosebleed seats... and l-l couldn't see a thing, so-- Listen, I do this all the time. They always let me get away with it. - Come on. It's no big deal. - It is tonight. - What's so special about tonight ? - Very important man in the crowd. Oh. And you're, uh, what, his bodyguard ? That must be a very exciting job. - Yeah, it's got its moments. - Silenced Gunshots I was three feet away from a known terrorist, and I had my eyes buried in some oad's tits. Well, Kevin, this might not make you feel better, but don't you see ? That's what she was there for. That was the plan. To give you a boner. And you got one. - Congratulations. You're human. - Come on, Rick. Look on the ight side. I like you better. Golden boy screwed up. Wait a minute. We need to be very, very careful with this. We go out there and yell conspiracy, it's like waving a lunatic flag. We gotta get our hands on the redhead or the guy that shouted the signal. If they're still in the building. And the woman who was talking to the secretary. I'll stay after her, and you find the other two. No, no. This is wrong. We're never gonna find anything just walking around the arena. What if they've gone into the casino ? I'm going up to surveillance. They've got cameras all over the place. Just bitchin' technology. All right, you do that while I check with security, see if they found anything. Lock Beeping Thunder Rumbling Well, I finally understand why you didn't want me to worry about your shooter. One less terrorist in the world. At least he did something productive on his way out. Did he know he was on a suicide mission ? He does now. With all due respect, sir, we should have been out of here 11 minutes ago. Sighs Things have changed. We need to make an adjustment. A local cop made both of you. - What ? - Made us ? How ? It's not important. He's searching the building for you right now. So what do we do ? Take him out ? - That's not an option. - It's the only option. Negative. Not with this guy. - Let's move out. - Yes, sir. You do have a contingency plan, don't you, sir ? - Yes, but I don't like it. - Why not ? Because a soldier deserves better. - Grunts - Jesus Christ ! Grunts, Groans Wait. I've been shot. Oh, I've been shot. - I'm shot. - I'm sorry. Silenced Gunshot Thunder Rumbling Man We got 1,500 cameras-- 800 on the casino side, 720 on the hotel side, quadruple redundancy on the gaming floor. -If they're down there, we'll find them. -I appreciate it, Walt. No problem. You think one of these people's your shooter ? - We already got the shooter. - Then, what are you looking for ? - Where do we start ? - You tell me. - Lobby. - 118. - Can you go to the right ? - 154. Keep moving. Let's go by section. Rick Keep going. No. Hey, C.J., punch up 383, the guy in the checkered shirt. - What about him ? - Coin cup grabber. Look. Watch the money. - You know him ? - Nah, you just get to read body language. There he goes. There he goes. See, somebody wants to play the slots, they're staring at the machines trying to guess which one's lucky. Grabber could care less. He checks out the people. He's like a pickpocket, only crude, you know ? No skills. - Keep going ? - Keep going. Dunne On TV The identity of the assassin is Tarik ben Rabat. Thirty-seven years old. A Palestinian... - who's lived in the United States for the last six years. - Oh, my God. - He's believed to be linked to a series of threatening-- - Excuse me. Excuse me. You down on the race ? - Dunne Continues, lndistinct - Oh. Yeah. Me too. - Yeah. - Man We got two men covering every casino exit door. Nobody's seen her yet. Keep 'em there. We'll search the floor section by section. You are hot. Laughs So, you wanna come back to my room and have a little fun together ? Man Best idea-- Um, who's, uh-- who's winning ? Looks like the number four horse, Daddy's Hobby. Yeah ? Sighs Ooh, God, I'm hot. - Do you have air conditioning ? - Huh ? - In your room, air conditioning. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah ? - I keep it turned down real low. What you want ? I need a word with Mr Tyler. I want to apologize, sir, for not securing the infra-reds. The shooter missed the girl. There was nothing you could do. Walter, I think we got another hooker in the Princess Lounge. - Punch up 596. - Excuse me a second. She hasn't been there five minutes, she can't take her hands off him. - Oh, my God, that's her ! - You said she had red hair. - No, somebody else. Where's that bar ? - I don't think-- -Walt, they're leaving. -Don't worry, Ricky. I'll stay with 'em. Come on, grab a radio, stay on channel three. - Here we go. Place your bets. - Now. You can't win if you don't play. Continues, lndistinct Chattering, Laughing - That's her. - We've located the girl. - Okay. - Come on. - Where is she ? - Over there, by the elevators. - I got it from here. Thanks. - Done, sir. I don't see her, Walt. Walt, where is she ? Walt ! You're on the opposite side of the floor. They're playing the Magnificent Seven near the lobby elevators. Got 'em. Just playing the spare change. Yeah. Um, l-- I wanna go upstairs. - Oh, yeah, yeah. Me too. Me too. - Yeah. Um, I wanna go-- - Bell Ringing - Yes ! Machine Dispensing Coins - Hey ! - I wanna go upstairs now ! - Hey. - And if you don't come with me, I'm sure somebody else will. Change of plans. They're at the elevators. Hang a right. Wait a minute. Shit ! - I missed her. Got her on the box ? - Yeah, Ricky, I got 'em. I'm taking this elevator. Tell me what floor they're on. So, what kind of music do you like ? - Ow ! What ? - I'm sorry. I just wanted a hug. - What floor ? - Thirty-five. What ? - What ? - Nothing. I just want to get upstairs. Walt, I gotta know what floor. I can't make out the buttons. It's a high one. Can you pick 'em up when they get off ? I'd have to check floor by floor. I'd lose 'em. Hang on. I got an idea. Murmuring Come on, Walt. Walt Yeah, this is McGahn in Security. Do we have a Ned Campbell staying at the hotel ? Woman No, wait. It's going up. Walt ! - Elevator Bell Dings - What room ? - 3517. - You're a genius. Chattering, Laughing Come on. Come on. Chattering Continues Ooh, yeah ! Woman Laughing Oh, my God ! Chattering, Laughter Woman Please ! Come on ! - Radio Weather Broadcast - Oh, the weather is more important than me, baby ? Look at me. Look at me ! Yeah ! - Honey, there's a hurricane on. - So what ? I'm hot. - Come on ! - Oh, you wanna play rough, huh ? - Laughing - I'll give you a little hurricane. Laughing Continues Ooh, I love it ! TV Newscaster Secretary of Defence Charles Kirkland... is in critical condition at the Atlantic City Medical Center... after being struck by an assassin's bullet... while attending a boxing match at the Atlantic City Arena. We've been getting live updates from the only reporter allowed inside the arena, a Lou Logan of Powell Pay-Per-View Television-- - Hard Rock - Shouting, Laughing Could you hold it down in there ? People are trying to sleep ! Newscaster Continues We've also learned that Rabat left a suicide note... which was found on his body by police in the moments after the shooting took place. Disco Sighs Ohh. Disco Continues Hi. I hope you don't mind. I borrowed your shirt. Oh, not at all. I happen to think women look very sexy in men's shirts. - Oh ? Laughs - Chuckles - Okay. - Um, can you-- Just hold on one minute, okay ? Oh, okay. Oh, please ! Excuse me ! You're the one who was practically giving me the knob job down in the bar. I'm sorry. I need a place where I can just wait, and then I'll go. A place where you can just wait and go. Well, what do you think this is, Shouts a bus stop ? What, are you on drugs ? I should've figured this out. You look like hell. Did you come up here to rob me ? ls that what you were thinking ? - Look, I'm in trouble. Somebody shot at me, okay ? - Now I've heard everything. Go. Do you know what's going on tonight ? Have you heard ? Listen, I am a very happily married man, and I don't need your kind of trouble. - So let's go. - Just a half an hour. - No, wait, please ! Screams - Get out ! - It's all right. - Who are you ? - Take a walk. - What the hell's going on here ? I said take a walk ! It's my room, damn it ! Hi. Remember me ? I'm Detective Santoro. - I shoved you out of the way of that bullet. - Yeah. Can you please help me ? I need to get out of this building. The first thing we're gonna do is get you outta this room. - So you can calm down. We're gonna have a little talk, okay ? - Yeah. This hotel sucks ! - What's the problem ? - Some guy just busted into my room. - What guy ? Where ? - Come on. I'll show ya. There I am, minding my own business, writing a letter to my lovely wife, and some guy just busts in. She must've gone with him. Hey, is that a silencer ? What did he look like ? - Where are we going ? What's the matter with you ? - H-He's following me. You're with me now. You're safe. I'm a cop. I'm gonna protect you and serve you. We got a very cosy little step here, so why don't we just sit down and calm down. - Take a deep eath. How's your arm ? - Oh, it's fine, thanks. - You're not gonna die on me ? - No. - We can talk for a minute ? - Yeah. Okay. - Uh, no, thank you. - Thunder Rumbling Um, why'd you run away from me ? You know what ? I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. All right. I'm not interested in what you don't know. What I'm interested in is what you do know. Please. Okay. Um-- I, uh, I work at Powell Aircraft. I put together the ballistics reports we issue after weapons tests. - You're talking about missiles ? - Right. Now, the newest missile, the AirGuard, I've been tracking its results... for the past couple of months, and they are perfect. These tests are never perfect, so I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know who I could trust. I sent an anonymous E-mail to Secretary Kirkland... telling him that I suspected that these results were doctored. He actually wrote me back, and he told me to get him proof. Yesterday, I got it, and I told him that I wanted to give it to him in person. He told me to ing it to the fight tonight. Woman Secretary Kirkland, welcome to Atlantic City. Are you here on official business ? Not for a couple of hours. I'm just another fight fan. Julia I couldn't get near him when they first came in. Powell was all over him. The South Jersey worker we are interested in tonight... is the Atlantic City Executioner. Julia So I decided to wait until the fight started. And I had no idea where they were sitting, so I went up top to get a better view. Cheering, Shouting Rick All right. Hold it, hold it. Stop right there. This is Dunne you're talking about. -Naval uniform ? Commander Kevin Dunne ? -Right. - Talking with Rabat before he shoots Kirkland ? - Yeah. - I recognized him, and I'd just seen him come in. - No, then you saw wrong. It wasn't Dunne. He could not be a part of it. Will you just listen to the rest ? - Oh, I'm sorry. - Man That seat's taken. Oh, but you can sit here. - Well, I'll just need one minute. - Me too. Laughs It's in the pocket. - Excuse me. Did you say something ? - It's in the pocket. - Possible make. - Pocket ? - So you've been writing to me. - Just look in the envelope, Mr Secretary. - What is it ? - It's the satellite infra-reds from yesterday's tests. - They gave me those. They showed convergent impact. - They gave you doctored copies. - These are the originals from the proving ground computers. - Make is good. Stand by. - Please, just look for yourself. - Paper Rustling - Okay. - Dunne She has the infra-reds. I need you to look at the heat flashes here at the moment of impact. - If the AirGuard had made full intercept like it's supposed to, - Start the count. - Copy. - there would be one dot, but there's two every time. The target blows up, but the AirGuard never gets within ten metres of it. - Then why would the target blow up ? - Bring on the pain, baby ! Because they rigged it, Mr Secretary. They put on a fireworks display for you. The AirGuard doesn't work, and the company knows the system doesn't work, but they're pushing it through anyway. I know what they're thinking-- we get it approved now, say we're sorry and fix it later. But I am telling you, you're the one that's gonna be sorry. - Jesus Christ ! Bert Powell's out of his mind. - Cel Phone Ringing If you deploy that weapons system and a war eaks out-- - All right. I get the picture. - Hello ? Who ? Don't make plans for the next six months, young lady. You're going to be sending some people to jail. Grunts - Gunshot - Julia Gasps Chokes People Screaming That's not what happened. That's not what happened. I'm sorry. I wish I didn't know any of this either. Who the hell do you think you are, lady ? Sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. You're a number cruncher. Just crunch the goddam numbers ! Uh, I was doing my job. I mean, we were creating a defence system that was supposed to save people's lives. They're building the factory in a disadvantaged part of the state. - This was a good thing to do. - This was a good thing to do. Jesus, somebody hands you a line, you just swallow it whole, don't you ? Just a little Goody Two-shoes. Yeah, I believed in what we were doing, and they corrupted it. So somebody had to speak up. I mean, it's important. Does it feel important now ? Did it feel important when the bullet hit ? I had no choice. I can't live with the blood of innocent soldiers on me, okay ? - Whose side are you on ? - My side. That E-mail. You let 'em know you were coming. - They just sat back and waited for you to show your face. - No, I was careful. I waited till Powell left. I didn't sit down till it was clear. No, you sat down exactly when they wanted you to. They opened the door, and you walked on through right on cue. They didn't miss him with that second shot. They missed you. I thought I'd get fired, not... killed. Sniffles What do we do now ? Well, are you a cop or aren't you ? I can't get past the men at the doors by myself, but with you I'd be fine. You get me outside, you don't have to think about me again. - I can take care of myself. - You've done a hell of a job so far. Look, I'm sorry if l-- - Who gives a shit if you're sorry ? - What are you mad at me for ? Because I didn't have to know ! You decided to have this problem, not me ! My world would've gone on turning just fine, but now either way I look, I have to do something I don't want to do. Do you understand what I'm saying ? I do not want to do this ! Whispers Do what ? Loud Thunderclap Sighs Sighs How old are you ? I'm 26. Do you have a, a family around here ? My mother in New York. Do you have a husband ? - No. - Boyfriend ? Why are you asking me all this ? Kevin. Kevin Dunne. You're positive he's the one you saw with Rabat before the shots were fired ? - Let me tell you a little something about Kevin Dunne. - You know him. - He is one of the most honourable dudes on the planet ! - You know him. You know him. Yeah, I know him. And you could be wrong. Yeah, you could. There were people rushing in front of you, and you were nervous, and you were scared. - You could be wrong. Isn't it possible ? - Yes. Yes. - Isn't it so ? - Yeah, now that I think about it, I think I could be wrong. Um, you remember I told you that my glasses, they had fallen off, and I couldn't quite focus. - I don't think it was him. - Shit. Your glasses didn't fall off till after the gunshots-- Nah, shit ! What happened with the girl ? A cop shoved her out of the way, and he's got her now somewhere. The cop ? You mean your cop ? Yes. But it's all good, right, because you said he's controllable ? Absolutely. He's only chasing this down because he thinks it's a career opportunity. Chasing it down, what ? You said he'd sit back. This doesn't sound like he's sitting back. It sounds like he's conducting an active investigation, a very dangerous investigation. Thunderclap Kirkland died ten minutes ago. Five minutes from now, I gotta be on TV. Now, what is it, yes or no ? We got a goddam Columbo runnin' around loose ? No operation goes exactly as planned. You don't panic. Stay calm and tie up loose ends. What do you think I've been doing for the last hour ? Jesus Christ ! This is not the plan I invested in ! In the plan I bought, that prairie populist... who was criminally dismantling the entire armed forces, goes down ! The disloyal employee, she goes down with him. The fanatical terrorist, he takes the rap. The AirGuard missile contract is approved, and l, I get enough money to finish the goddam Millennium ! It was a good plan ! No humiliation, no scandal, no prison ! We're still contained. Once the girl is gone, it's only me and two men I trust. Two ? I thought there were four. Do we have another acceptable loss ? I'm not on that list, am I ? Doorknob Jiggling Thunder Rumbling - You'll be safe in here. - Safe ? I'm giving you a place to hide. Look, I don't wanna hide. I wanna get out, okay ? - I'll be back in ten minutes. Take you out through the casino. - Where are you go-- Rick ? Rick, the door's locked ! - Pounding On Door - Rick ? Rick, let me out, please ! - Pounding Continues - Rick, please, just let me out, okay ? I'll get out on my own ! Rick ! Hey, Rick ! - Yeah. - Here. Come on. It's the five grand for letting me be the guy. Oh. There's something extra here. You're all heart, Rick. Cop 1 I can't believe we got called out in this rain. Cop 2 Can you believe this, man ? Men Chattering Sir, this entire area is now the site of an F.B.I. investigation. You have to leave. Oh. Okay. Agent Log in Santoro. He's A.C. Police. Here comes the pain, baby ! Here comes the pain ! Here comes the pain ! Punches Landing You're a bum, Lincoln Tyler ! How could you do-- He's a bum ! - Man ! - Cel Phone Ringing - Hello. What ? - Woman Hi, Ricky ! It's me. I'm here, sweetie. - Who are you ? Where ? - I'm here, sweetie ! - It's me, your lucky number ! - My lucky number ? Uh-huh. I'm here. Screams Screaming Thunderclap It's called the Zero Gravity Flying Eye. - New camera. Got it in this morning. - So nobody knew you had it ? Snickers Well, I knew. It's remote control. It floated all around the arena to get crowd reaction. Let me see its tape. - Crowd Cheering - I need to look at this part alone. - Chuckles Come on. - Tape Clicks Off You're the man. Sighs Crowd Cheering Oh, man. Oh, man. They were specifically told they couldn't have a camera up there. Don't give me that wounded look. You haven't got the face for it. Powell On TV I just received word... Secretary Charles Evans Kirkland is dead. He passed away at 10:48 p.m. At this time I'd like to extend my deepest sympathies... to the secretary's family... Louder and to the nation... and to the people that he so faithfully and proudly served. Sighs And, uh... I have something else to say. To those that would try to bully us or to terrorize us, to divert us from the causes of peace and justice, Whispers Kevin. I want you to know that in spite of what's happened here tonight, we are not deterred. Production of the AirGuard missile system will go ahead... in accordance with Secretary Kirkland's wishes. - TV Clicks Off -It's called the first draft of history. It's going to hold. Why did it have to be me ? Why'd you want me next to you ? One, I needed a cop to back up my alibi. Two, I knew you could be bought if anything went wrong. No offence, pal, but I never thought you'd get as far as you did. You're my best friend. You used me, made me a sucker, and that hurts me, because I would've done anything for you. Then tell me where the girl is. She didn't do nothing wrong. She was just trying to save some guys' lives, soldiers, like you used to be. I mean, who the hell are you now, anyway ? Don't talk to me about soldiers. What do you know about being a good soldier, the guy who finds an envelope full of cash in a squad car every Friday ? What do you think I've been doing for the last ten years ? Strutting on the boardwalk and picking up hookers ? When the Renville took that lraqi missile hit below decks, do you know what happened ? A hole ripped open in the bulkhead, and the sea flooded in. We had 60 seconds to maintain watertight integrity. I had to go below and give the order to dog the hatches. That meant... that 28 men... that were still in the main engine space were trapped. You ever listen to a man drowning ? They don't die quietly. Those men deserved a decent point defence system. The AirGuard is it. Yeah, it has glitches, but... you don't abandon the whole system because of a few bugs. You fix it. Charles Kirkland... was a politician. A baby kisser, not a soldier. And when the political wind said, Cut defence spending, he started playing political games with real soldiers' lives. He forced Powell into an early test. He positioned the system to fail, because he didn't want to pay for it. So we pay. We die. Sighs We need the AirGuard, and that girl is in the way now, Rick. Just tell me where she is. All right, Rick. Pick a number. How much is it gonna take for you to look the other way like you have all your life ? Three hundred grand ? Five hundred ? 750 ? A million dollars. One million. A million bucks. You hit the jackpot here. All you have to do is cash in the ticket. Don't you think Angela would like a few nice things for once in her life ? Don't you think she deserves them ? Whispers I never killed nobody. What ? I said I never killed nobody. You won't have to. She's my problem. You just tell me where she is... and never hear another word about her. One million dollars. Crowd Cheering I know that's a whole shitload of money, but... I can't do it. Panting Kevin, you just pulled a gun on me. Get back. Pants Or what ? Oh, God ! Sighs Goddam it. I'm under a lot of pressure here, all right ? Be smart. Just take the money. Please, Rick. You're all alone on this. What about Tyler ? Yeah. If he talked to me, he'll talk to somebody else. Dunne Lincoln and I have come to an understanding. You got nothin', kiddo. Snake eyes. The house wins. - Now, where is she ? - Fuck you. Yelling, Grunting - Groans - Don't make it so he can't talk. Why don't you at least try, man ? I am trying. Groans Rick That's not a punch. Come on, girlie man. Show me what you got. Champ. This the champ ? Look, why don't you just shut up, man. This'll go a lot easier. Grunts Loudly Groaning Sounds like three oken ribs to me ! What is this, a heroic stand ? You're the wrong guy for it, Rick. You'll be all alone in the spotlight, and guys like you can't stand up to that light. You'll burn up under it. The press starts looking for dirt on you, and they will, it'll be a mud slide. - Forget about your job, your sweet life in Margate. - Groans Start thinkin' about jail ! Your girlfriend will be gone, too, at the first sign of trouble, but not before she has a little chat with Angela ! So say goodbye to your wife too ! Twice a month with Michael won't be so bad if you can get him to spend a night... in your shitty apartment ! You'll lose it all, my friend ! Everything ! And your whole connected life will fall the hell apart. Is that what you want ? All you gotta do is be consistent, for Christ's sake. Do what you always do-- take the money ! You wanna be a hero ? You wanna do something for your country ? Then tell me where the girl is ! Spits Yells Thunder Rumbling If it was anybody but me, you'd be dead. I'll be back in half an hour. Thunder Continues - Grunting - Thunderclap Grunting Grunts Grunting Thunder Continues Grunts Grunts Lower. Stop. Lower. Stop. Lower. Stop. Grunting Beeping Grunting - Loud Bang - Groaning Panting Grunts Loudly Banging Sound Panting Gasps Wow. This is great stuff. You know, we could sell this to local. Who could we get outside for a stand-up ? Thunderclap Grunts Package is on the boardwalk. Dunne Needs pick up at the Millennium entrance. Let's go. Thunder Continues Grunts Groans, Coughs Metal Creaking Banging, Whirring Sound Thunder Continues Screams Wind Whistling, Thunder Continues Goddam it ! Shit! I'd like to know what I did wrong to get all the shit assignments ! Just roll so we can get outta here ! In five, four, three-- Grunts - Well, it looks like Tropical Storm Jezebel... - Crackling just may be a hurricane after all. - Thunderclap - Electricity Crackling Crackling Groaning, Grunting We are live on the boardwalk. As you can see behind me, the huge metal globe... that is the emblem of the Powell Millennium lies shattered. Anthea, you look great, hon. Wait, can you get any closer to the globe ? Slurred Julia ? Groans Julia ? - Wincing - Thunder Continues Thunderclap This is an extremely hazardous-- Hang on. The Police Emergency Unit should-- I think I see their truck. - Rain Whooshing - Julia ! Rick Panting Julia ! - Julia ! - Thunderclap Gasps Kevin. Tell her to unlock the door and come out. Grunts No. No, I won't tell her to unlock it. Get outta the way ! Loud Thunderclap Anthea The police are here and are waving us off the boardwalk. All right. Gasping Okay. She's all yours. - Siren Wailing - What the hell is that ? Siren Continues Goddam it, Rick ! I don't want to kill you ! - Okay. - Grunts - Banging Continues - Julia Grunting - Gasps - Gunshots Look out ! - Tyres Screeching - Gunshots Continue - Put the gun down ! - On the ground right now ! - Lower your gun now, sir ! - No, wait ! Wait a minute ! Wait ! - I'm with D.O.D. ! - Put it down now ! - Listen to me ! Listen ! - Put the gun down ! This-- This woman is a suspect ! - We'll be forced to fire. - No, she's a suspect, goddam it ! - I am Commander Kevin Dunne, - Cop 1 I suggest you drop it now ! and this woman is a threat to the security of the United States. Rick, tell 'em ! Please, for God's sake, tell 'em what we got here ! There's no we, Kevin ! - You got snake eyes ! - Put the gun down, sir ! - Drop the gun, sir ! - Put the gun down ! - Now put it on the ground ! - Put the gun down ! - Sir, please look at me ! You need to pay attention ! - Now ! Yes. Now, put the gun on the floor, sir. - Put the gun down ! - Please. - We know who you are-- No ! - Don't move, sir ! Let go of the handle ! Back away from the door slowly and turn around ! - Slowly ! - We need to take the gun away. - Hands where I can see 'em ! - Sir, please ! Please put it down, sir ! Shouting Continues - Gunshot - Julia Gasping, Officer Shouts Cop 1 Get a paramedic quick ! Call for a paramedic now ! Oh, get them outta here ! Male Announcer Today in Brighton Park, Richard Santoro, Atlantic City's new police hero, received a special valour award for heroism... from Mayor Frank Sanchini. The mayor extended the public's thanks to Santoro for his lifesaving efforts... on behalf of Julia Costello, the Powell Aircraft researcher who exposed the deadly conspiracy... that led to the assassination of Defence Secretary Charles Kirkland. Man Hey, Rick ! Over here ! Female Reporter Hero cop Richard Santoro took a well-deserved eak... from police work today with his son. Meanwhile, the AirGuard investigation continued in Washington, and Gilbert Powell announced more firings at Powell Aircraft... as he cleans house in the wake of the assassination. Man There he is. Male Reporter Richard Santoro's moment in the public eye... produced an unexpected backlash this week... as allegations of corruption swirled around him. - Would you back off ? - Reporters Asking Questions I'm Ricky, all right ? Come on ! There have been allegations of ibery coming out of the mayor's office. - Could you comment on those ? - What about the cocaine-- Cocaine, my ass ! Reporter Santoro was unwilling to comment on the reports... which have come from numerous sources, - both in the police department and elsewhere. - Give us a smile, Ricky ! We're waiting here outside of the Atlanta County Superior Court... for Richard Santoro who's just been indicted... on charges stemming from incidents that have been-- Where you going ? Hey, hey, hey, Rick ! Could you-- Mr Santoro ! Mr Santoro, could you comment on this indictment, sir ? Mr Santoro ! - Children Chattering - Seagulls Cawing People Chattering - Can Clatters Loudly - Man Whoa ! What are you tryin' to do, kill me ? - Yeah. Nice goin', Al. - Hey, that's what hard hats are for. A reporter told me where to find you. Chuckles I came twice before, but you were out. Yeah, I've had a lot of social engagements lately. Yeah, I was surprised you stayed in town. I thought you'd wanna move away. - Actually, I'm gonna be spending some time upstate. - Upstate ? Oh. Chuckles I keep dreaming I'm back in that tunnel, underwater, only in my dream I drowned. Wonder what they would've said about me then. You didn't have to do what you did, and I know what it cost you, and if it helps I just-- Don't try to make a hero out of me. It won't fit. If I hadn't put a face to you, things probably would've gone a whole lot different. But they didn't. I testified this morning at the AirGuard hearings. - Yeah ? How'd it go ? - Very well, I think. The whole system is being dumped. The company's being completely restructured. There are gonna be all sorts of indictments up and down the administration, and things have really changed. I know you may not wanna see it right now, but it's true. It's gonna be so different in Atlantic City. Both Laugh You know, they say back 200, 300 years ago... pirates put phoney lighthouses right out by those big rocks, right out there. Ships would set a course by the lights, crash on the rocks, then everybody'd go out and rob 'em blind. Only one thing's changed since then-- Iights are ighter. - I'm naive. - There's worse things to be. Yeah. How old are you ? Thirty-five. - You got family around here ? - Yeah. You got a wife ? She ran away. - Girlfriend ? - Well, she ran away too. - Sorry. - Well, it could've been worse. -How ? -They could've run away with each other. Laughs Uh, yeah. So, maybe in about 12 to 18 months from now I'll give you a call. Yeah, I'd like that. Hey. Oh, what the hell. At least I got to be on TV. Come on. Let's go. Get back to work. You guys get this done. Come on. Everybody up. Let's go. Come on. We ain't got much sun left. ln this town of pain You could be the lucky one Fate turns on a dime The only thing that will change Are the lights that make it ighter They replace the sun Watch out over there now. Watch out. Pay attention. Out the door you get burned And there is no way back in You got nothin' Snake eyes The house always wins A drowning man does not die silently You can feel the final warning And the black money follows Through the veins of the shallow Change the name to protect the guilty You'll never leave Sin City Where you are king ln this room of shame You could sink this town And eathe another day The mirror faces you You cannot look away Blood is on your hand The streets will be the same Under your feet like quicksand Touch the face Where a kiss of hope can last A drowning man does not die silently You can feel the final warning And the black money follows Through the veins of the shallow Change the name to protect the guilty You'll never leave Sin City Where you are king Whoa-oh Where you are king Oh, oh, oh A drowning man does not die silently You can feel the final warning And the black money follows Through the veins of the shallow Change the name to protect the guilty You'll never leave Sin City Just one kiss from the shadow Could be the touch of an angel Just one kiss is all that you need You'll never leave Sin City You'll never leave Sin City You'll never leave Sin City - Where you are king - Just one kiss Oh, oh, oh - Where you are king - Just one kiss Oh, oh, oh - Where you are king - Just one kiss Oh oh-oh-oh Oh oh-oh-oh - Where you are king - Just one kiss Oh oh-oh-oh Oh oh-oh-oh Oh oh-oh-oh Oh, oh, oh Just one kiss Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh-oh-oh Oh, oh, oh Just one kiss

00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:28.300 PEREZ PRADO Uno 00:00:28.330 --> 00:00:29.630 Dos 00:00:29.670 --> 00:00:31.070 Tres 00:00:31.100 --> 00:00:32.470 Quatro 00:00:32.510 --> 00:00:34.000 Ah 00:00:34.040 --> 00:00:35.670 Ah, ah-hoo 00:00:45.250 --> 00:00:46.410 PEREZ Ooh 00:00:56.900 --> 00:00:58.090 PEREZ Ooh 00:01:22.360 --> 00:01:23.520 PEREZ Ooh 00:01:52.550 --> 00:01:54.490 Rap music plays on radio 00:01:56.760 --> 00:01:58.160 MAN I got my pistol point cocked 00:01:58.190 --> 00:02:00.250 Ring-a-ling, shots nonstop 00:02:00.290 --> 00:02:02.260 Until I see your monkey ass drop 00:02:02.300 --> 00:02:04.420 And let your homies know who done it 00:02:04.460 --> 00:02:05.990 'Cause when it comes to this gangsta shit 00:02:06.030 --> 00:02:08.160 You motherfuckers know who run it, unh-huh 00:02:08.200 --> 00:02:10.360 We standin' up for our own shit 00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:12.740 And if you put this motherfucker to the test 00:02:12.770 --> 00:02:14.330 Turns down volume 00:02:14.370 --> 00:02:16.100 You're fuckin' with the very best 00:02:16.140 --> 00:02:18.340 Turns up volume 00:02:18.380 --> 00:02:22.110 I can't talk to my mother, so I talk to my diary 00:02:26.990 --> 00:02:28.450 Mother...shittin'... 00:02:28.490 --> 00:02:29.950 son of a-- 00:02:29.990 --> 00:02:31.960 Ass! Ooh! 00:02:31.990 --> 00:02:33.390 I just... 00:02:39.300 --> 00:02:40.770 I was told-- 00:02:40.800 --> 00:02:42.430 Have you seen-- I was told that if... 00:02:42.470 --> 00:02:45.400 I was late again I would be summarily dismissed. 00:03:06.590 --> 00:03:07.960 Sets car alarm 00:03:34.990 --> 00:03:36.720 Mmm. No, no. 00:03:53.170 --> 00:03:54.640 Just a moment. 00:03:55.980 --> 00:03:58.470 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:03:58.510 --> 00:03:59.770 Just a moment. 00:04:01.050 --> 00:04:03.410 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:04:03.450 --> 00:04:04.880 Just a moment. 00:04:06.890 --> 00:04:09.250 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:04:09.290 --> 00:04:10.620 Just a moment. 00:04:11.690 --> 00:04:13.720 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:04:14.590 --> 00:04:16.080 Just a moment. 00:04:16.130 --> 00:04:18.120 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:04:18.960 --> 00:04:21.330 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 00:04:21.370 --> 00:04:24.530 Ahh...we have sort of a problem here. 00:04:24.570 --> 00:04:27.040 Yeah. You apparently didn't put... 00:04:27.070 --> 00:04:29.600 one of the new cover sheets on your T.P.S. reports. 00:04:29.640 --> 00:04:33.540 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I--I forgot. 00:04:33.580 --> 00:04:35.440 Mmm...yeah. 00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:37.010 You see, we're putting the cover sheets... 00:04:37.050 --> 00:04:39.980 on all T.P.S. reports now before they go out. 00:04:40.020 --> 00:04:42.780 Did you see the memo about this? 00:04:42.820 --> 00:04:46.120 Yeah. Yeah, I have the memo right here. 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:47.630 I just, uh, forgot... 00:04:47.660 --> 00:04:50.090 but, uh, it's not shipping out till tomorrow... 00:04:50.130 --> 00:04:51.600 so there's no problem. 00:04:51.630 --> 00:04:53.430 Yeah. 00:04:53.470 --> 00:04:54.900 If you could just go ahead and make sure... 00:04:54.930 --> 00:04:58.170 you do that from now on, that would be great... 00:04:58.200 --> 00:05:00.070 and, uh, I'll go ahead and make sure... 00:05:00.110 --> 00:05:02.300 you get another copy of that memo, OK? 00:05:02.340 --> 00:05:05.370 No. I have the memo. I've got it--It's right-- 00:05:05.410 --> 00:05:08.040 Hello, Phil. What's happening? 00:05:08.080 --> 00:05:09.210 Um... 00:05:09.250 --> 00:05:12.340 I came by here yesterday... 00:05:12.380 --> 00:05:15.290 Four teams out on the Spanish point... 00:05:15.320 --> 00:05:17.520 discovered a shipwreck off the coast... 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:18.720 Milton? 00:05:19.630 --> 00:05:20.920 Hi. Uh... 00:05:20.960 --> 00:05:23.020 could you turn that down just a little bit? 00:05:23.060 --> 00:05:25.330 But I was told that I could listen... 00:05:25.360 --> 00:05:28.030 to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00. 00:05:28.070 --> 00:05:30.590 Yeah. I know you're allowed to. 00:05:30.640 --> 00:05:34.070 I was just thinkin' maybe like a personal favor. 00:05:34.110 --> 00:05:37.770 Well, l--I--I told Bill if Sandra's going to... 00:05:37.810 --> 00:05:41.270 Iisten to her headphones while she's filing... 00:05:41.310 --> 00:05:42.940 then I should be able to listen to the radio... 00:05:42.980 --> 00:05:44.450 while I'm collating... 00:05:44.480 --> 00:05:46.540 so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio. 00:05:46.590 --> 00:05:47.710 Yeah. All right. OK. 00:05:47.750 --> 00:05:49.910 I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume... 00:05:49.960 --> 00:05:51.080 Thanks. 00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:52.520 from 9:00 to 11:00. 00:05:52.560 --> 00:05:54.030 Hi, Peter. 00:05:54.060 --> 00:05:56.050 What's happening? 00:05:56.100 --> 00:05:58.590 We need to talk about your T.P.S. reports. 00:05:58.630 --> 00:06:01.120 Yeah. The cover sheet. I know. I know. 00:06:01.170 --> 00:06:02.290 Bill talked to me about it. 00:06:02.330 --> 00:06:04.890 Yeah. Did you get that memo? 00:06:04.940 --> 00:06:07.240 Yeah, I got the memo, and I understand the policy... 00:06:07.270 --> 00:06:09.900 and the problem is just that I forgot the one time... 00:06:09.940 --> 00:06:11.840 and I've already taken care of it... 00:06:11.880 --> 00:06:13.640 so it's not even really a problem anymore. 00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:16.510 Ah! Yeah. 00:06:16.550 --> 00:06:18.070 It's just we're putting new cover sheets... 00:06:18.120 --> 00:06:20.590 on all the T.P.S. reports before they go out now... 00:06:20.620 --> 00:06:23.090 so if you could go ahead and try to remember... 00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:25.750 to do that from now on, that'd be great. 00:06:25.790 --> 00:06:26.950 All right! 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:31.690 Telephone rings 00:06:31.730 --> 00:06:33.600 Just a moment. 00:06:33.630 --> 00:06:34.960 Ring 00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:37.490 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:06:37.540 --> 00:06:38.730 Peter Gibbons. 00:06:39.810 --> 00:06:40.930 Yes. 00:06:40.970 --> 00:06:42.910 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:06:42.940 --> 00:06:44.070 Just a moment. 00:06:44.110 --> 00:06:45.540 I have the memo. 00:06:47.450 --> 00:06:49.410 No. Not again. I-- 00:06:49.450 --> 00:06:51.810 Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? 00:06:51.850 --> 00:06:53.840 I swear to God, one of these days.... 00:06:53.890 --> 00:06:56.980 I just kick this piece of shit out the window. 00:06:57.020 --> 00:06:58.890 You and me both, man. 00:06:58.920 --> 00:07:00.150 That thing is lucky I'm not armed. 00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:03.690 Piece of shit. 00:07:03.730 --> 00:07:05.630 Samir... 00:07:06.500 --> 00:07:08.230 Na-Na... 00:07:08.270 --> 00:07:10.100 Na-Naga-- 00:07:10.140 --> 00:07:11.900 -No. Thanks. -Unh-huh! 00:07:11.940 --> 00:07:13.270 Please. 00:07:13.310 --> 00:07:16.430 Michael...Bolton? 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:17.670 That's me. 00:07:17.710 --> 00:07:19.840 Wow! ls that your real name? 00:07:19.880 --> 00:07:21.310 Yeah. Ahem. 00:07:21.910 --> 00:07:24.180 So are you related to that singer guy? 00:07:24.220 --> 00:07:26.050 No. It's just a coincidence. 00:07:26.090 --> 00:07:27.250 Oh. 00:07:29.090 --> 00:07:31.960 No one in this country can pronounce my name right. 00:07:32.760 --> 00:07:34.230 It's not that hard. 00:07:34.260 --> 00:07:36.420 Na-ee and then anajaad. Nayanajaad. 00:07:36.460 --> 00:07:38.450 At least your name isn't Michael Bolton. 00:07:39.630 --> 00:07:41.400 You know, there's nothing wrong with that name. 00:07:41.430 --> 00:07:43.400 There was nothing wrong with it... 00:07:43.440 --> 00:07:45.200 until I was about twelve years old... 00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:47.500 and that no-talent ass clown became famous... 00:07:47.540 --> 00:07:48.700 and started winning Grammys. 00:07:48.740 --> 00:07:49.870 Hmm. 00:07:49.910 --> 00:07:53.970 Well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael? 00:07:54.010 --> 00:07:56.310 Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. 00:07:56.420 --> 00:07:57.640 Hey, guys. 00:07:57.680 --> 00:07:59.240 What's up, G? 00:07:59.290 --> 00:08:01.220 Wanna go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee? 00:08:01.250 --> 00:08:02.810 Oh, it's a little early. 00:08:02.860 --> 00:08:05.290 I gotta get outta here. I think I'm gonna lose it. 00:08:05.320 --> 00:08:06.450 Uh-oh. 00:08:06.490 --> 00:08:09.360 Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. 00:08:09.400 --> 00:08:11.230 Peggy chuckles 00:08:14.200 --> 00:08:16.430 Boy, I tell ya, some days. 00:08:16.470 --> 00:08:18.490 One of these days, it's just gonna be like-- 00:08:18.540 --> 00:08:19.660 Imitates machine gun 00:08:19.710 --> 00:08:21.300 Imitates machine gun 00:08:21.340 --> 00:08:22.500 Heh heh heh! 00:08:22.540 --> 00:08:24.510 So, can I get you gentlemen something more to drink... 00:08:24.540 --> 00:08:25.670 or maybe something to nibble on-- 00:08:25.710 --> 00:08:28.240 some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers, or extreme fajitas? 00:08:29.010 --> 00:08:30.350 -Just coffee. -OK! 00:08:30.380 --> 00:08:32.280 Sounds like a case of the Mondays. 00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:33.810 Brian chuckles 00:08:37.160 --> 00:08:41.120 What if we're still doin' this when we're fifty? 00:08:41.160 --> 00:08:43.790 It would be nice to have that kind of job security. 00:08:44.630 --> 00:08:46.100 Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. 00:08:46.130 --> 00:08:48.100 I can tell already. 00:08:48.130 --> 00:08:50.290 I'm gonna end up doin' it, because, uh... 00:08:50.340 --> 00:08:52.170 because I'm a big pussy... 00:08:52.200 --> 00:08:54.260 which is why I work at lnitech to begin with. 00:08:54.310 --> 00:08:56.000 Uh, yeah, well, I work at lnitech... 00:08:56.040 --> 00:08:58.100 and I don't consider myself a pussy, OK? 00:08:58.140 --> 00:09:00.480 Yes. I am also not a pussy. 00:09:00.510 --> 00:09:02.670 They're gonna find out the hard way I'm not a pussy... 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:04.410 if they don't start treating their software people better. 00:09:04.450 --> 00:09:06.010 That's right. 00:09:06.050 --> 00:09:07.710 They don't understand. 00:09:07.750 --> 00:09:09.880 I could program a virus that'd rip that place off big time. 00:09:09.920 --> 00:09:11.510 Yeah. 00:09:11.560 --> 00:09:12.720 Big time. 00:09:14.490 --> 00:09:15.760 Whoa! 00:09:15.790 --> 00:09:16.950 There she is. 00:09:18.030 --> 00:09:20.620 Peter, you know, you always talk about this girl. 00:09:21.430 --> 00:09:23.770 If you're so obsessed with her, why don't you just ask her out? 00:09:23.800 --> 00:09:24.960 Oh, I can't do that. 00:09:25.900 --> 00:09:27.240 I'm just another asshole customer. 00:09:27.270 --> 00:09:29.870 You can't just walk up to a waitress and ask her out. 00:09:29.910 --> 00:09:31.930 Besides, I'm still trying to work it out with Anne. 00:09:32.810 --> 00:09:35.780 Oh, that reminds me. I can't play poker on Friday. 00:09:35.810 --> 00:09:37.180 Why not? 00:09:37.220 --> 00:09:41.240 I'm gonna see this occupational hypnotherapist with Anne. 00:09:41.290 --> 00:09:43.690 Dude, an occupational hypnotherapist? 00:09:43.720 --> 00:09:46.160 I know. Anne wants me to go. 00:09:46.190 --> 00:09:47.450 She thinks it might help. 00:09:48.290 --> 00:09:50.230 Um... 00:09:50.260 --> 00:09:52.700 You know, sometimes I think that... 00:09:52.730 --> 00:09:55.290 I get thinking that she's cheating on me. 00:09:55.330 --> 00:09:56.770 Yeah. I know what you mean. 00:09:56.800 --> 00:09:58.290 Yeah. 00:09:59.540 --> 00:10:00.700 What is that supposed to mean? 00:10:02.040 --> 00:10:03.200 Nothing. 00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:06.470 Why don't you just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis... 00:10:06.510 --> 00:10:07.640 and you wanna play poker with us? 00:10:07.680 --> 00:10:09.270 I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off... 00:10:09.310 --> 00:10:13.720 and, besides, I think the guy might actually be able to help. 00:10:13.750 --> 00:10:15.340 I mean, he did help Anne lose weight. 00:10:16.220 --> 00:10:17.620 Peter, she's anorexic. 00:10:17.660 --> 00:10:19.490 Yeah, I know. 00:10:19.530 --> 00:10:20.860 The guy's really good. 00:10:22.030 --> 00:10:24.550 Yeah, well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist... 00:10:24.600 --> 00:10:26.330 is gonna help you solve any of your problems. 00:10:26.370 --> 00:10:28.130 Hey, and speaking of problems... 00:10:28.170 --> 00:10:29.690 what's this I hear about you having problems... 00:10:29.740 --> 00:10:31.030 with your T.P.S. reports? 00:10:31.070 --> 00:10:33.440 Yeah. Didn't you get that memo? 00:10:35.800 --> 00:10:37.660 Hey! Hey, guys! Peter! 00:10:37.700 --> 00:10:39.290 ls that Smykowski? 00:10:40.130 --> 00:10:41.360 -Samir! -What's he doing? 00:10:41.400 --> 00:10:43.100 Oh, probably workin' on another heart attack. 00:10:43.140 --> 00:10:44.970 I've been lookin' all over for you guys! 00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:47.770 Have you seen this? I knew it. I knew it. 00:10:47.810 --> 00:10:49.500 What? It's a staff meeting. So what? 00:10:49.540 --> 00:10:52.100 So what? We're all screwed. That's what. 00:10:52.140 --> 00:10:53.840 They're gonna downsize lnitech. 00:10:53.880 --> 00:10:56.110 What are you talking about? How do you know that? 00:10:56.150 --> 00:10:58.380 How do I know? They're inging in a consultant. 00:10:58.420 --> 00:10:59.540 That's how I know. 00:10:59.590 --> 00:11:01.350 That's what this staff meeting's all about. 00:11:01.390 --> 00:11:03.250 It happened at lnitrode last year. 00:11:03.290 --> 00:11:05.090 You have to interview with this consultant. 00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:06.890 They call them efficiency experts... 00:11:06.930 --> 00:11:08.120 but what you're really doing... 00:11:08.160 --> 00:11:09.560 is interviewing for your own job. 00:11:09.600 --> 00:11:10.960 Every week you say you're gonna lose your job... 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:12.230 and you're still here. 00:11:12.260 --> 00:11:14.700 Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. 00:11:14.730 --> 00:11:16.900 The thought of having to go to the state unemployment office... 00:11:16.940 --> 00:11:19.030 and stand in line with those scumbags... 00:11:19.070 --> 00:11:20.440 Shit. 00:11:21.770 --> 00:11:23.500 You know there are people in this world... 00:11:23.540 --> 00:11:26.010 that don't have to put up with all this shit? 00:11:26.050 --> 00:11:28.210 Like that guy that invented the pet rock. 00:11:29.050 --> 00:11:31.480 You see, that's what you have to do. 00:11:32.280 --> 00:11:34.410 You have to use your mind... 00:11:34.450 --> 00:11:36.580 and come up with some really great idea like that... 00:11:36.620 --> 00:11:38.990 and you can make millions-- never have to work again. 00:11:39.030 --> 00:11:41.190 You think the pet rock was a really great idea? 00:11:41.230 --> 00:11:43.090 Sure it was. 00:11:43.130 --> 00:11:45.260 The guy made a million dollars. 00:11:47.870 --> 00:11:50.670 You know, I had an idea like that once... 00:11:50.700 --> 00:11:52.140 a long time ago. 00:11:53.370 --> 00:11:54.840 Really? What was it, Tom? 00:11:55.540 --> 00:11:57.440 Well, all right. 00:11:57.480 --> 00:12:01.410 It was a Jump to Conclusions mat. 00:12:03.020 --> 00:12:05.350 You see, it would be this mat... 00:12:05.380 --> 00:12:07.610 that you would put on the floor... 00:12:07.650 --> 00:12:11.890 and it would have different conclusions written on it... 00:12:11.920 --> 00:12:14.220 that you could jump to. 00:12:19.270 --> 00:12:21.600 That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom. 00:12:21.630 --> 00:12:25.330 Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea. 00:12:27.810 --> 00:12:29.430 Uh, look... 00:12:29.480 --> 00:12:30.770 I gotta get outta here. 00:12:31.640 --> 00:12:32.670 I'll see you guys later... 00:12:32.710 --> 00:12:34.680 if I still have a job. 00:12:35.510 --> 00:12:36.640 Yeah. 00:12:36.680 --> 00:12:38.510 Our high school guidance counselor... 00:12:38.550 --> 00:12:40.920 used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars... 00:12:40.950 --> 00:12:42.080 didn't have to work... 00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:45.390 and whatever you'd say was supposed to be your career. 00:12:45.420 --> 00:12:46.910 So if you wanted to fix old cars... 00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:48.790 then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic. 00:12:48.830 --> 00:12:49.950 So what did you say? 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:51.860 I never had an answer. 00:12:52.800 --> 00:12:54.600 I guess that's why I'm working at lnitech. 00:12:54.630 --> 00:12:56.160 No. You're working at lnitech... 00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:58.260 'cause that question is bullshit to begin with. 00:12:58.300 --> 00:12:59.970 If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors... 00:13:00.010 --> 00:13:02.370 because no one would clean shit if they had a million dollars. 00:13:02.410 --> 00:13:04.840 You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? 00:13:04.880 --> 00:13:08.070 I would invest half of it in glorious mutual funds... 00:13:08.110 --> 00:13:10.550 and then take the other half to my friend Asadulah... 00:13:10.580 --> 00:13:11.710 who works in securities-- 00:13:11.750 --> 00:13:13.950 Samir. Samir, you're missing the point. 00:13:13.990 --> 00:13:15.650 The point of the exercise is you're supposed to figure out... 00:13:15.690 --> 00:13:18.160 what you would want to do if-- 00:13:19.260 --> 00:13:22.160 PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean? 00:13:39.280 --> 00:13:41.270 Turns on television 00:13:44.280 --> 00:13:47.150 Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel nine! 00:13:47.190 --> 00:13:48.410 Check out this chick! 00:13:48.450 --> 00:13:50.920 Damn it! Lawrence, can't you just pretend... 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:52.980 Iike we can't hear each other through the wall? 00:13:53.030 --> 00:13:55.320 Oh, sorry, man! Anne over there or somethin'? 00:13:55.360 --> 00:13:56.520 No, but... 00:13:57.530 --> 00:14:00.020 If you want to talk to me, just come over. 00:14:03.400 --> 00:14:06.460 Hey, man, check this out, dude. 00:14:08.810 --> 00:14:11.330 The key is early detection. 00:14:11.380 --> 00:14:12.500 Tumors that are detected-- 00:14:12.550 --> 00:14:14.540 Aw, jeez, Lawrence. 00:14:14.580 --> 00:14:16.340 Sorry, man. I thought you'd want to see this. 00:14:17.480 --> 00:14:18.920 Doesn't that chick look like Anne? 00:14:18.950 --> 00:14:20.540 Yeah. 00:14:20.590 --> 00:14:21.850 A little bit. I... 00:14:21.890 --> 00:14:23.720 Hey, she hasn't been over here in a while. 00:14:23.760 --> 00:14:25.190 You two still goin' out? 00:14:25.220 --> 00:14:26.920 Yeah. 00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:28.480 I guess. I--I don't know. 00:14:28.530 --> 00:14:30.860 Sometimes I get the feeling like she's cheating on me. 00:14:30.900 --> 00:14:33.060 Yeah. I get that feeling, too, man. 00:14:34.530 --> 00:14:36.020 What do you mean by that? 00:14:36.070 --> 00:14:37.590 I don't know, man. 00:14:38.440 --> 00:14:40.740 I just get that feeling lookin' at her, like... 00:14:40.770 --> 00:14:43.110 she's the type of chick that just... 00:14:44.140 --> 00:14:45.300 Uhh. 00:14:48.210 --> 00:14:50.410 Oh, I'm sorry, man. Look, l--I-- 00:14:50.450 --> 00:14:52.540 You know, I'm talkin' outta my ass. 00:14:52.590 --> 00:14:53.980 Forget it. Don't worry. It's all right. 00:14:54.020 --> 00:14:55.750 Just--I had a rough day. 00:14:55.790 --> 00:14:57.480 Tell me about it, man. 00:14:57.520 --> 00:14:58.920 Ohh... 00:14:59.990 --> 00:15:01.790 Ooh, I gotta wake my ass up... 00:15:01.830 --> 00:15:04.890 at six a.m. every day this week... 00:15:04.930 --> 00:15:07.090 drag up to Las Golindas. 00:15:07.130 --> 00:15:09.930 I'm doin' the drywall up there at the new McDonald's. 00:15:10.540 --> 00:15:11.700 Let me ask you something. 00:15:13.040 --> 00:15:15.340 When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well... 00:15:15.370 --> 00:15:16.570 does anyone ever say to you... 00:15:16.610 --> 00:15:19.100 Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays? 00:15:20.750 --> 00:15:21.910 No. 00:15:22.750 --> 00:15:24.180 No, man. 00:15:25.480 --> 00:15:26.880 Shit, no, man. 00:15:26.920 --> 00:15:29.550 You'd get your ass kicked, sayin' something like that, man. 00:15:29.590 --> 00:15:31.220 Huh. 00:15:31.260 --> 00:15:32.720 We still goin' fishin' this weekend? 00:15:32.760 --> 00:15:34.890 Ah, Lumbergh's gonna have me come in on Saturday. 00:15:34.930 --> 00:15:36.050 I just know it. 00:15:36.100 --> 00:15:37.560 Well, you can get out of that easily. 00:15:37.600 --> 00:15:39.690 Yeah? How? 00:15:39.730 --> 00:15:40.890 Well... 00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:43.430 when a boss wants you to work on Saturday... 00:15:43.470 --> 00:15:46.460 he generally asks you at the end of the day, right? 00:15:46.510 --> 00:15:47.630 Yeah. 00:15:47.670 --> 00:15:49.700 So all you gotta do is avoid him--that's all right... 00:15:49.740 --> 00:15:52.010 I got it--on the last few hours on Friday... 00:15:52.040 --> 00:15:53.910 duck out early... 00:15:53.950 --> 00:15:55.570 turn off your answering machine... 00:15:55.610 --> 00:15:57.280 you should be home free, man. 00:15:59.690 --> 00:16:01.410 That's a really good idea. 00:16:02.290 --> 00:16:03.450 Fuckin' A, man. 00:16:04.260 --> 00:16:09.090 Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars? 00:16:09.130 --> 00:16:11.030 I'll tell you what I'd do, man. 00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:14.360 Two chicks at the same time, man. 00:16:18.800 --> 00:16:20.330 That's it? 00:16:20.370 --> 00:16:21.600 If you had a million dollars... 00:16:21.640 --> 00:16:23.700 you'd do two chicks at the same time? 00:16:23.740 --> 00:16:26.540 Damn straight. I've always wanted to do that, man. 00:16:26.580 --> 00:16:29.410 I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up, too... 00:16:29.450 --> 00:16:31.210 'cause chicks dig dudes with money. 00:16:31.250 --> 00:16:32.680 Well, not all chicks. 00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:35.520 The type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do. 00:16:35.550 --> 00:16:36.710 Good point. 00:16:36.760 --> 00:16:38.750 What about you, now? What would you do? 00:16:38.790 --> 00:16:40.190 Besides two chicks at the same time? 00:16:40.230 --> 00:16:41.450 Well, yeah. 00:16:41.490 --> 00:16:43.050 Nothing. 00:16:43.100 --> 00:16:45.180 Nothin', huh? 00:16:45.310 --> 00:16:47.400 I would relax. 00:16:47.450 --> 00:16:49.610 I would sit on my ass all day. 00:16:51.280 --> 00:16:52.910 I would do nothing. 00:16:52.950 --> 00:16:55.580 You don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. 00:16:55.620 --> 00:16:57.110 Take a look at my cousin. 00:16:57.160 --> 00:16:59.150 He's oke, don't do shit. 00:17:02.530 --> 00:17:05.020 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:17:05.060 --> 00:17:06.530 Just a moment. 00:17:06.570 --> 00:17:09.030 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:17:09.070 --> 00:17:10.970 Just a moment. 00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:13.300 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 00:17:13.340 --> 00:17:14.930 Just a moment. 00:17:15.870 --> 00:17:17.640 So, you should ask yourself... 00:17:17.680 --> 00:17:20.270 with every decision you make... 00:17:20.310 --> 00:17:22.470 ls this good for the company? 00:17:22.510 --> 00:17:24.240 Am I helping with... 00:17:24.280 --> 00:17:25.810 ls that the guy? 00:17:25.850 --> 00:17:28.040 Yeah. We're screwed. 00:17:28.170 --> 00:17:30.640 OK, then, um... 00:17:31.540 --> 00:17:34.200 I'd like to go ahead and welcome, uh... 00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:36.610 a new member to our team here. 00:17:36.650 --> 00:17:37.980 This is, uh... 00:17:39.180 --> 00:17:40.580 Bob Slydell. 00:17:42.220 --> 00:17:44.190 Yeah. Uh... 00:17:44.220 --> 00:17:46.620 Bob is a consultant. 00:17:47.860 --> 00:17:50.290 Yeah. He's gonna be sort of, uh... 00:17:51.830 --> 00:17:52.950 helping us out... 00:17:52.990 --> 00:17:54.460 a little here... 00:17:54.500 --> 00:17:55.960 asking some questions... 00:17:56.000 --> 00:17:57.520 maybe seeing if there are some ways... 00:17:57.570 --> 00:18:00.260 we can make things run a little more smoothly... 00:18:00.300 --> 00:18:01.460 around here. 00:18:02.540 --> 00:18:04.330 Yeah. 00:18:04.370 --> 00:18:06.740 Oh, and remember, next Friday... 00:18:06.780 --> 00:18:09.110 is Hawaiian shirt day. 00:18:10.980 --> 00:18:14.750 So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and, uh.... 00:18:14.780 --> 00:18:16.380 wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. 00:18:17.590 --> 00:18:20.320 And I said I don't care if they lay me off, either. 00:18:20.360 --> 00:18:21.580 Because I told Bill... 00:18:21.620 --> 00:18:24.090 that if they move my desk one more time... 00:18:24.130 --> 00:18:26.960 then I'm--I'm quitting. I'm going to quit... 00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:28.490 and I told Dom, too... 00:18:28.530 --> 00:18:31.800 because they've moved my desk four times already this year... 00:18:31.830 --> 00:18:34.030 and I used to be over by the window... 00:18:34.070 --> 00:18:37.330 and I could see the squirrels, and they were married... 00:18:37.370 --> 00:18:39.600 but then they switched from the Swingline... 00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:42.110 to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler... 00:18:42.140 --> 00:18:44.110 because it didn't bind up as much... 00:18:44.150 --> 00:18:46.770 and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler. 00:18:46.820 --> 00:18:47.940 OK, Milton. 00:18:47.980 --> 00:18:50.140 No, it's not OK, because if they make me-- 00:18:50.190 --> 00:18:53.620 If they take my stapler, then I'll--I'll--I'll-- 00:18:53.660 --> 00:18:55.950 I'll set the building on fire. 00:18:55.990 --> 00:18:58.220 OK, well, that sounds great. 00:18:58.260 --> 00:19:00.060 Uh, I'll talk to you later, all right? Bye. 00:19:00.100 --> 00:19:01.290 Peter-- 00:19:17.250 --> 00:19:18.440 Good-bye. 00:19:40.940 --> 00:19:42.300 Come on. 00:19:44.740 --> 00:19:46.430 Oh, for cryin'-- 00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:10.750 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 00:20:10.800 --> 00:20:12.460 Um... 00:20:12.500 --> 00:20:14.470 I'm gonna need you... 00:20:14.500 --> 00:20:16.400 to go ahead and come in tomorrow... 00:20:16.440 --> 00:20:20.600 so if you could be here around... 00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:23.130 nine, that would be great. 00:20:23.180 --> 00:20:24.410 OK? 00:20:26.150 --> 00:20:28.140 Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. 00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:29.980 Um... 00:20:30.020 --> 00:20:32.820 I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in... 00:20:32.850 --> 00:20:35.450 on Sunday, too, OK? 00:20:35.490 --> 00:20:37.150 We, um... 00:20:37.190 --> 00:20:39.020 Iost some people this week... 00:20:39.060 --> 00:20:41.150 and, uh... 00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:43.260 we need to sort of play catch-up. 00:20:43.300 --> 00:20:44.530 Thanks. 00:20:48.570 --> 00:20:50.160 So I was sitting in my cubicle today... 00:20:50.210 --> 00:20:54.200 and I realized, ever since I started working, um... 00:20:55.510 --> 00:20:58.000 every single day of my life has been worse than... 00:20:58.050 --> 00:20:59.710 the day before it. 00:21:00.650 --> 00:21:04.380 So that means that every single day that you see me... 00:21:05.350 --> 00:21:07.220 that's on the worst day of my life. 00:21:07.960 --> 00:21:09.450 What about today? 00:21:09.490 --> 00:21:10.790 Is today the worst day of your life? 00:21:10.830 --> 00:21:13.450 -Yeah. -Wow. That's messed up. 00:21:16.330 --> 00:21:17.890 I'm sorry. 00:21:17.930 --> 00:21:19.190 Go on. 00:21:19.230 --> 00:21:22.800 ls there any way that you could sort of... 00:21:22.840 --> 00:21:25.640 just zonk me out so that, like, I don't know... 00:21:25.670 --> 00:21:28.160 that I'm at work...in here? 00:21:28.210 --> 00:21:29.680 Could I come home... 00:21:29.710 --> 00:21:33.200 and think that I've been fishing all day or something? 00:21:33.250 --> 00:21:35.980 That's...really not what I do, Peter. 00:21:36.020 --> 00:21:37.350 Heh. 00:21:37.390 --> 00:21:38.550 However... 00:21:39.520 --> 00:21:42.080 the good news is, I think I can help you. 00:21:43.020 --> 00:21:45.220 I want you to do something for me, Peter. 00:21:46.900 --> 00:21:49.090 I want you to try and relax. 00:21:52.630 --> 00:21:55.660 I want you to relax every muscle in your body... 00:21:55.700 --> 00:21:59.970 beginning with your toes to your fingertips. 00:22:02.740 --> 00:22:04.910 Now I want you to relax your legs. 00:22:06.280 --> 00:22:08.910 You're beginning to feel your eyelids getting heavy... 00:22:10.050 --> 00:22:12.280 as you slip deeper and deeper... 00:22:12.320 --> 00:22:15.690 into a state of complete relaxation. 00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:19.920 All your cares and concerns are disappearing. 00:22:19.960 --> 00:22:21.520 Deeper and deeper. 00:22:21.560 --> 00:22:23.530 Way down. 00:22:23.570 --> 00:22:25.760 Your concern about your job... 00:22:26.570 --> 00:22:28.800 melts away... 00:22:28.840 --> 00:22:30.800 way... 00:22:30.840 --> 00:22:32.310 way down. 00:22:32.340 --> 00:22:33.710 Unh. 00:22:36.310 --> 00:22:38.210 Now, when I count backwards from three... 00:22:38.910 --> 00:22:41.710 you'll be in a state of complete relaxation. 00:22:41.750 --> 00:22:44.720 Your worries, cares, and inhibitions will be gone... 00:22:45.520 --> 00:22:47.420 and you will remain in that state... 00:22:48.620 --> 00:22:50.960 until I snap my fingers. 00:22:50.990 --> 00:22:52.480 Three. 00:22:52.530 --> 00:22:54.290 Deeper and deeper. 00:22:54.330 --> 00:22:56.020 Way... 00:22:56.060 --> 00:22:57.550 way down. 00:22:57.600 --> 00:22:59.570 Two. 00:22:59.600 --> 00:23:01.660 Deeper and deeper... 00:23:01.700 --> 00:23:04.570 W-w-w-way down... 00:23:04.610 --> 00:23:06.540 Labored eathing 00:23:06.570 --> 00:23:09.010 Whu--whu-- 00:23:09.040 --> 00:23:10.240 One. 00:23:11.410 --> 00:23:14.140 Gasps Oh, my God! Dr. Swanson! 00:23:15.220 --> 00:23:16.980 Ew...ew... 00:23:17.020 --> 00:23:18.280 -Is he eathing? -Call 911 ! 00:23:18.320 --> 00:23:22.120 Oh! Where's the phone? Where's the goddamn phone?! 00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:25.960 MAN Dee dah dee-dee dee-dee 00:23:25.990 --> 00:23:27.290 Yah dee dee 00:23:27.330 --> 00:23:30.260 Dah dee-dee dah dee-dee dah dee 00:23:30.300 --> 00:23:32.430 Dee 00:23:33.840 --> 00:23:36.270 Beeping 00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:49.670 Ahh... 00:23:52.420 --> 00:23:54.890 Telephone rings 00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:56.150 Ring 00:23:56.190 --> 00:23:57.160 Beep 00:23:57.190 --> 00:23:59.320 Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lumbergh. 00:23:59.360 --> 00:24:00.590 It's about... 00:24:00.630 --> 00:24:02.430 ten o'clock. 00:24:02.460 --> 00:24:03.930 Yeah. Just, uh... 00:24:03.970 --> 00:24:05.400 wondering where you are. 00:24:05.430 --> 00:24:06.560 Ring 00:24:06.600 --> 00:24:07.930 Beep 00:24:07.970 --> 00:24:11.100 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumbergh again. 00:24:11.140 --> 00:24:12.110 Uh... 00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:13.770 I just wanted to make sure you knew... 00:24:13.810 --> 00:24:16.330 that we did start at the, uh... 00:24:16.380 --> 00:24:18.850 usual time this morning. 00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:22.110 Yeah. It isn't a half day or anything like that... 00:24:22.150 --> 00:24:24.180 so if you could just go ahead... 00:24:24.220 --> 00:24:26.240 and get here as soon as possible... 00:24:26.290 --> 00:24:28.150 that would be terrific. 00:24:34.630 --> 00:24:35.790 Ahh... 00:24:47.710 --> 00:24:49.940 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lum-- 00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:53.280 Yeah. It's-- Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumber-- 00:24:53.310 --> 00:24:55.150 Yeah. It's me again. 00:24:55.180 --> 00:24:58.080 Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute. 00:24:58.120 --> 00:25:01.250 -Telephone rings -Just checking in. 00:25:02.460 --> 00:25:03.580 Hello? 00:25:03.620 --> 00:25:05.350 Peter, what's going on? 00:25:05.390 --> 00:25:06.590 Huh? 00:25:06.630 --> 00:25:09.060 It's three-thirty. Why aren't you at work? 00:25:10.470 --> 00:25:12.090 Because l--I-- 00:25:12.130 --> 00:25:13.570 I didn't feel like it. 00:25:14.300 --> 00:25:15.770 Peter, what's gotten into you? 00:25:15.800 --> 00:25:17.860 First, you just sit there while Dr. Swanson dies... 00:25:17.910 --> 00:25:20.770 then you walk out and embarrass me in front of my friends... 00:25:20.810 --> 00:25:22.540 and don't blame this on hypnosis, either. 00:25:22.580 --> 00:25:24.370 -That's total bull-- -Hangs up 00:25:28.320 --> 00:25:30.380 Telephone rings, machine beeps 00:25:30.420 --> 00:25:32.580 Listen, asshole. Nobody hangs up on me. 00:25:32.620 --> 00:25:34.110 We're through. 00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:36.120 Oh, and one more thing... 00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:38.280 I've been cheating on you! 00:25:38.330 --> 00:25:40.850 Anne hangs up, machine beeps 00:25:43.430 --> 00:25:46.230 So, from now on, only use the new time sheets... 00:25:46.270 --> 00:25:50.800 if you've worked on two or more job codes in one day... 00:25:50.840 --> 00:25:53.860 and you need the extra columns to fit it all in. 00:25:53.910 --> 00:25:55.240 Otherwise, use the old time sheets-- 00:25:55.280 --> 00:25:56.800 Where's Peter? 00:25:56.840 --> 00:25:58.280 I heard he didn't show up this weekend. 00:25:58.310 --> 00:25:59.440 Uh, I don't know. 00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:01.000 ...really, really help us out. 00:26:01.050 --> 00:26:02.570 Who's that guy? 00:26:02.620 --> 00:26:06.280 So, uh...any questions? 00:26:19.930 --> 00:26:21.460 Hi. I'm Peter. 00:26:21.500 --> 00:26:22.630 Hi. Can I help you? 00:26:22.670 --> 00:26:23.830 What are you doin' for lunch today? 00:26:23.870 --> 00:26:27.470 Uh, well, our specials today are blackened chicken. 00:26:27.510 --> 00:26:29.770 It's actually right there on the board. Excuse me. 00:26:32.910 --> 00:26:34.280 Hey, look who's back! 00:26:34.320 --> 00:26:36.040 Table for three to-- 00:26:38.890 --> 00:26:40.850 I was askin' what you were doin' for lunch. 00:26:40.890 --> 00:26:42.520 Would you like to have lunch with me? 00:26:44.090 --> 00:26:45.350 Are you--are you serious? 00:26:45.390 --> 00:26:46.550 Yeah. 00:26:47.730 --> 00:26:50.820 Yeah. I--I don't think I'm supposed to do that. 00:26:51.470 --> 00:26:53.900 Oh. OK, well, I'll tell you what I'll do. 00:26:53.940 --> 00:26:55.400 I'm gonna go next door and get a table... 00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:57.130 and if you'd like to join me, uh... 00:26:57.170 --> 00:26:58.400 no big deal, all right? 00:26:58.440 --> 00:27:00.370 And if not, that's cool, too. 00:27:00.410 --> 00:27:01.670 -OK? -OK. 00:27:01.710 --> 00:27:02.870 All right. 00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:05.000 When you say, next door... 00:27:05.050 --> 00:27:07.570 do you mean Chili's or Flinger's? 00:27:07.620 --> 00:27:09.310 Flinger's. 00:27:09.350 --> 00:27:10.510 OK. 00:27:11.790 --> 00:27:14.050 What you do at lnitech... 00:27:14.090 --> 00:27:16.960 is you take the specifications from the customers... 00:27:16.990 --> 00:27:19.460 and you ing them down to the software engineers? 00:27:19.490 --> 00:27:21.760 Yes. Y-yes. That's--that's right. 00:27:21.800 --> 00:27:23.490 Well, then I just have to ask... 00:27:23.530 --> 00:27:24.790 why couldn't the customers... 00:27:24.830 --> 00:27:28.390 just take them directly to the software people, huh? 00:27:28.440 --> 00:27:30.460 Well, I'll tell you why. 00:27:31.810 --> 00:27:33.430 Uh, because... 00:27:33.470 --> 00:27:36.770 engineers are not good at dealing with customers. 00:27:36.810 --> 00:27:38.510 Uh-huh. So... 00:27:39.510 --> 00:27:44.210 you physically take the specs from the customer? 00:27:45.150 --> 00:27:46.380 Well... 00:27:47.790 --> 00:27:50.950 no. My secretary does that or the fax. 00:27:50.990 --> 00:27:52.760 Huh. 00:27:52.790 --> 00:27:54.560 So then you must physically ing them... 00:27:54.600 --> 00:27:55.690 to the software people. 00:27:55.730 --> 00:27:56.820 Well... 00:27:58.170 --> 00:27:59.290 no. 00:27:59.330 --> 00:28:00.630 I mean... 00:28:00.670 --> 00:28:02.230 sometimes. 00:28:02.270 --> 00:28:06.540 What--what would you say you do here? 00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:09.740 Well, look, I already told you. 00:28:09.780 --> 00:28:12.080 I deal with the goddamn customers... 00:28:12.110 --> 00:28:13.980 so the engineers don't have to. 00:28:14.020 --> 00:28:16.070 I have people skills. 00:28:16.120 --> 00:28:18.140 I am good at dealing with people! 00:28:18.190 --> 00:28:19.580 Can't you understand that?! 00:28:19.620 --> 00:28:22.110 What the hell is wrong with you people?! 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:23.350 I-- 00:28:30.030 --> 00:28:31.160 Let's see... 00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:33.430 you are... 00:28:33.470 --> 00:28:34.760 Michael... 00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:38.900 -Bolton? -Yeah. 00:28:40.310 --> 00:28:41.470 ls that your real name? 00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:43.400 Yeah. 00:28:45.450 --> 00:28:47.540 Are you any relation to the pop singer? 00:28:47.580 --> 00:28:49.610 No, it's--it's just a coincidence. 00:28:49.650 --> 00:28:51.240 Ha ha. To be honest with you... 00:28:51.290 --> 00:28:52.950 I love his music. I do. 00:28:52.990 --> 00:28:55.180 -I'm a Michael Bolton fan. -Me, too. 00:28:55.220 --> 00:28:56.920 For my money, I don't know if it gets any better... 00:28:56.960 --> 00:28:59.390 than when he sings When a Man Loves a Woman. 00:28:59.430 --> 00:29:01.400 But you must really love his music, huh? 00:29:01.430 --> 00:29:04.230 Men laugh 00:29:04.270 --> 00:29:05.630 Yeah, he's--he's... 00:29:05.670 --> 00:29:07.400 he's pretty-- he's pretty good, I guess. 00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:09.100 You're goddamn right, he is. 00:29:09.140 --> 00:29:11.630 -Men laugh -Right. 00:29:11.670 --> 00:29:14.110 So tell me, what's your favorite song of his? 00:29:15.040 --> 00:29:16.480 Mmm... 00:29:17.810 --> 00:29:19.180 Michael clears throat 00:29:19.210 --> 00:29:21.270 I don't--I don't know. Heh heh. 00:29:21.320 --> 00:29:23.680 I mean, I guess I sort of like them all. 00:29:23.720 --> 00:29:26.880 That's a riot. I'm the exact same way. 00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:28.220 But it must be twice as hard for you... 00:29:28.260 --> 00:29:29.720 being you have the same name as him. 00:29:29.760 --> 00:29:32.690 I cele ate the guy's entire catalog. 00:29:32.730 --> 00:29:35.250 Anyway, let's get down to business, Michael. 00:29:35.300 --> 00:29:37.490 You know, you can just call me Mike. 00:29:42.940 --> 00:29:44.060 Hi. 00:29:44.110 --> 00:29:45.400 Hey. 00:29:47.340 --> 00:29:50.240 I wonder if I'm allowed to, uh, wear this in here? 00:29:51.080 --> 00:29:52.410 I think it would be OK. 00:29:54.080 --> 00:29:55.210 Would you like to sit down? 00:29:55.250 --> 00:29:56.480 OK. 00:29:57.650 --> 00:29:58.810 Ahh. 00:30:00.320 --> 00:30:01.450 Wow! 00:30:01.490 --> 00:30:04.290 This place is really...nice. 00:30:04.330 --> 00:30:06.690 Yeah. Is it? 00:30:06.730 --> 00:30:08.960 Yeah, my God, compared to Chotchkie's! 00:30:09.000 --> 00:30:11.330 I like the uniforms better, anyways. 00:30:12.200 --> 00:30:13.330 I like yours. 00:30:13.370 --> 00:30:14.530 Ugh! 00:30:17.770 --> 00:30:19.400 We're not in Kansas anymore. 00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:21.530 Yeah. 00:30:21.580 --> 00:30:24.010 Really. Ha ha. 00:30:24.050 --> 00:30:25.440 It's on your... 00:30:26.780 --> 00:30:29.010 Ohh! Yeah. That's... 00:30:29.050 --> 00:30:31.020 That's, uh... 00:30:31.050 --> 00:30:34.040 That's one of my-- my pieces of flair. 00:30:34.090 --> 00:30:35.210 What's a piece of flair? 00:30:35.260 --> 00:30:37.280 Oh, it's, uh, where, you know... 00:30:37.320 --> 00:30:40.920 Iike these suspenders and, uh, buttons, they're all sort of... 00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:43.050 We're actually required to wear... 00:30:43.100 --> 00:30:46.090 um, fifteen pieces of flair. 00:30:46.130 --> 00:30:48.360 It's really stupid, actually. 00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:49.630 Do you get to pick 'em yourself? 00:30:49.670 --> 00:30:51.160 Yeah, yeah, we do. 00:30:51.210 --> 00:30:52.400 Although I didn't actually choose these. 00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:56.770 I just sort of grabbed, you know, fifteen buttons. 00:30:56.810 --> 00:30:59.470 I don't even know what they say. I don't really care. 00:31:00.180 --> 00:31:01.840 I don't really like talking about my flair. 00:31:01.880 --> 00:31:03.320 OK. 00:31:03.350 --> 00:31:06.380 So, where do you, work, Peter? 00:31:06.420 --> 00:31:07.940 lnitech. 00:31:07.990 --> 00:31:09.790 And--Yeah? What--what do you do there? 00:31:10.930 --> 00:31:12.650 I sit in a cubicle... 00:31:12.690 --> 00:31:15.660 and I update bank software for the 2000 switch. 00:31:17.100 --> 00:31:18.260 What's that? 00:31:18.300 --> 00:31:20.490 Well, see, they wrote all this bank software... 00:31:20.530 --> 00:31:22.500 and, uh, to save space... 00:31:22.540 --> 00:31:24.330 they used two digits for the date instead of four. 00:31:24.370 --> 00:31:27.340 So like 98 instead of 1998. 00:31:27.370 --> 00:31:30.610 Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code... 00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:33.480 and, uh... It doesn't really matter. 00:31:33.510 --> 00:31:36.450 I, uh, I don't like my job, and, uh... 00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:38.780 I don't think I'm gonna go anymore. 00:31:40.020 --> 00:31:41.320 You're just not gonna go? 00:31:41.360 --> 00:31:42.580 Yeah. 00:31:42.620 --> 00:31:43.780 Won't you get fired? 00:31:44.730 --> 00:31:45.950 I don't know. 00:31:45.990 --> 00:31:49.790 But I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go. 00:31:50.970 --> 00:31:52.060 So you're gonna quit? 00:31:52.100 --> 00:31:55.300 Nah-uh. Not really. Uh... 00:31:55.340 --> 00:31:56.930 I'm just gonna stop going. 00:31:59.170 --> 00:32:00.300 What? 00:32:00.340 --> 00:32:02.430 Uh, when did you decide all that? 00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:03.600 About an hour ago. 00:32:03.640 --> 00:32:05.110 -Oh, really? -Yeah. 00:32:05.150 --> 00:32:06.310 An hour ago. 00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:09.240 So you're gonna get another job? 00:32:09.280 --> 00:32:11.440 I don't think I'd like another job. 00:32:11.490 --> 00:32:15.390 Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and-- 00:32:15.420 --> 00:32:17.980 You know, I've never really liked paying bills. 00:32:18.030 --> 00:32:19.490 I don't think I'm gonna do that, either. 00:32:21.560 --> 00:32:22.720 Ahh... 00:32:22.760 --> 00:32:24.890 well, so what do you want to do? 00:32:24.930 --> 00:32:26.920 I want to take you out to dinner... 00:32:26.970 --> 00:32:29.330 and then I want to go back to my apartment and watch Kung Fu. 00:32:29.370 --> 00:32:30.670 Do you ever watch Kung Fu? 00:32:32.810 --> 00:32:34.570 I love Kung Fu. 00:32:34.610 --> 00:32:36.910 -Channel 39. -Totally. 00:32:36.940 --> 00:32:38.740 You should come over and watch Kung Fu tonight. 00:32:38.780 --> 00:32:40.770 -OK. -Great. 00:32:40.810 --> 00:32:43.010 OK. Can we order lunch first? 00:32:43.050 --> 00:32:44.610 -Yeah. -OK. 00:32:44.750 --> 00:32:48.710 Mumbles 00:32:52.130 --> 00:32:53.990 Inaudible conversation 00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:02.260 Took a stapler off my desk... 00:33:06.170 --> 00:33:08.840 Laughter 00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:11.570 Anyway, sounds great, Bob. See you in a few. 00:33:14.250 --> 00:33:16.790 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 00:33:16.920 --> 00:33:18.410 Nothing. 00:33:18.450 --> 00:33:20.420 I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead... 00:33:20.460 --> 00:33:22.750 and move your desk again, so... 00:33:22.790 --> 00:33:25.590 if you could go ahead and get it as far back... 00:33:25.630 --> 00:33:27.530 against that wall as possible... 00:33:27.560 --> 00:33:28.860 that would be great. 00:33:28.900 --> 00:33:30.420 No, because I was-- 00:33:30.470 --> 00:33:31.990 That way, we'll have some room... 00:33:32.030 --> 00:33:33.870 for some of these boxes and things... 00:33:33.900 --> 00:33:37.070 we need to put in here, and, uh... 00:33:37.110 --> 00:33:40.560 Oh. Oh, there it is. 00:33:40.610 --> 00:33:43.340 Here, let me just go ahead and get that from you. 00:33:43.380 --> 00:33:45.400 Milton moans 00:33:45.450 --> 00:33:46.740 Great. 00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:51.220 So if you could just get to that as soon as possible... 00:33:51.250 --> 00:33:54.020 that would be terrific, OK? 00:33:54.060 --> 00:33:56.820 Thanks a bunch, Milton. Good-bye. 00:33:56.860 --> 00:33:59.090 Mumbles OK. 00:34:00.100 --> 00:34:02.530 I could set the building on fire. 00:34:05.770 --> 00:34:07.830 -Peter. -Michael. 00:34:07.870 --> 00:34:09.000 What the hell's going on, man? 00:34:09.040 --> 00:34:10.900 I thought you'd come in here and start shooting. 00:34:10.940 --> 00:34:13.030 No. I just came to get my address book. 00:34:13.080 --> 00:34:14.270 I'm not gonna stay. 00:34:14.310 --> 00:34:16.640 I got a phone number, Mike, that I don't wanna lose. 00:34:16.680 --> 00:34:18.440 What? Peter, you're in deep shit. 00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:20.470 You were supposed to come in Saturday. What were you doing? 00:34:21.350 --> 00:34:24.220 Michael, I did nothing. 00:34:24.250 --> 00:34:25.740 I did absolutely nothing... 00:34:25.790 --> 00:34:28.760 and it was everything that I thought it could be. 00:34:28.790 --> 00:34:31.450 I hope you have a better story for Lumbergh. 00:34:31.490 --> 00:34:34.090 You're supposed to be at your interview with the consultants. 00:34:34.130 --> 00:34:35.320 The who? 00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:37.700 The consultants. What has gotten into you? 00:34:39.670 --> 00:34:42.930 Oh, yeah...right. 00:34:43.870 --> 00:34:46.740 Wait, Peter. You gotta postpone it, man. 00:34:46.780 --> 00:34:47.900 Tell 'em you've been sick. Make something up. 00:34:47.940 --> 00:34:50.140 Oh, no way. No, I feel great. 00:34:50.180 --> 00:34:52.010 It's the best day of my life. 00:34:54.250 --> 00:34:56.650 Next batter looks like a Peter Gibbons. 00:34:56.690 --> 00:34:57.850 Uh-huh. 00:34:57.890 --> 00:35:00.150 Ah, there you are. We were just talking about you. 00:35:00.190 --> 00:35:01.850 You must be Peter Gibbons. 00:35:01.890 --> 00:35:03.290 Uh-huh. Terrific. 00:35:03.330 --> 00:35:05.760 I'm Bob Slydell. This is my associate Bob Porter. 00:35:05.790 --> 00:35:07.260 Oh, hi, Bob. Bob. 00:35:07.300 --> 00:35:09.820 Grab a seat and join us for a minute or two. 00:35:11.370 --> 00:35:13.130 You see, what we're actually trying to do here... 00:35:13.170 --> 00:35:16.140 is we're just, we're trying to get a feel... 00:35:16.170 --> 00:35:18.070 for how people spend their day at work. 00:35:18.110 --> 00:35:19.840 So if you would... 00:35:19.880 --> 00:35:23.440 would you walk us through a typical day for you? 00:35:24.610 --> 00:35:26.950 -Yeah. -Great. 00:35:26.980 --> 00:35:30.470 Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. 00:35:30.520 --> 00:35:32.990 Uh, I use the side door. 00:35:33.020 --> 00:35:36.010 That way Lumbergh can't see me. 00:35:36.060 --> 00:35:40.020 And after that, I just sort of space out for about an hour. 00:35:40.060 --> 00:35:42.620 Uh, space out? 00:35:42.660 --> 00:35:43.790 Yeah. 00:35:43.830 --> 00:35:45.700 I just stare at my desk. 00:35:45.730 --> 00:35:47.220 But it looks like I'm working. 00:35:47.270 --> 00:35:51.140 I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. 00:35:51.170 --> 00:35:53.000 I'd say in a given week... 00:35:53.040 --> 00:35:54.910 I probably only do about fifteen minutes... 00:35:54.940 --> 00:35:57.810 of real, actual work. 00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:02.580 Peter, would you be a good sport... 00:36:02.620 --> 00:36:04.610 and indulge us and just... 00:36:04.650 --> 00:36:05.710 tell us a little more? 00:36:05.750 --> 00:36:07.280 Oh, yeah. 00:36:07.320 --> 00:36:11.020 Let me tell you something about T.P.S. reports. 00:36:11.060 --> 00:36:12.220 Ahh... 00:36:12.260 --> 00:36:15.700 The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. 00:36:15.730 --> 00:36:17.760 It's that I just don't care. 00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:19.990 Don't...don't care? 00:36:20.040 --> 00:36:22.600 It's a problem of motivation, all right? 00:36:22.640 --> 00:36:24.260 Now, if I work my ass off... 00:36:24.310 --> 00:36:26.210 and lnitech ships a few extra units... 00:36:26.240 --> 00:36:28.110 I don't see another dime. 00:36:28.140 --> 00:36:29.740 So where's the motivation? 00:36:30.510 --> 00:36:32.450 And here's something else, Bob... 00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:34.450 I have eight different bosses right now. 00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:35.610 -I beg your pardon? -Eight bosses. 00:36:35.650 --> 00:36:36.780 -Eight? -Eight, Bob. 00:36:36.820 --> 00:36:39.580 So that means that when I make a mistake... 00:36:39.620 --> 00:36:43.280 I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. 00:36:43.330 --> 00:36:46.660 That's my only real motivation, is not to be hassled. 00:36:46.700 --> 00:36:47.960 That and the fear of losing my job. 00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:49.860 But you know, Bob... 00:36:49.900 --> 00:36:51.590 that'll only make someone work just hard enough... 00:36:51.630 --> 00:36:52.790 not to get fired. 00:36:53.470 --> 00:36:56.460 Would you bear with me for just a second, please? 00:36:56.500 --> 00:36:57.800 OK. 00:36:59.010 --> 00:37:00.800 What if-- and believe me... 00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:03.830 this is strictly hypothetical-- 00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:07.940 but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option... 00:37:07.980 --> 00:37:09.710 equity-sharing program? 00:37:09.750 --> 00:37:11.050 Would that do anything for you? 00:37:11.090 --> 00:37:13.350 I don't know. I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. 00:37:13.390 --> 00:37:16.410 Uh, it's been really nice talking to both of you guys. 00:37:16.460 --> 00:37:17.720 -Yes. -Absolutely. 00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:20.390 Pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me. 00:37:20.430 --> 00:37:22.020 Good luck with your layoffs, all right? 00:37:22.060 --> 00:37:23.890 I hope your firings go really well. 00:37:23.930 --> 00:37:25.130 -OK. -Thanks a lot. 00:37:25.170 --> 00:37:26.900 Great. Wow. 00:37:34.540 --> 00:37:36.940 So, Peter, what's happening? 00:37:36.980 --> 00:37:38.340 Listen, uh... 00:37:45.720 --> 00:37:48.120 Joanna, would you come here a minute, please? 00:37:48.160 --> 00:37:50.060 Yeah. 00:37:50.090 --> 00:37:54.320 I'm sorry I was late, but I was having lunch, and l, uh... 00:37:54.360 --> 00:37:55.950 We need to talk about your flair. 00:37:56.870 --> 00:37:59.700 Really? l--I have fifteen pieces on. 00:37:59.730 --> 00:38:01.260 I also... 00:38:01.300 --> 00:38:04.500 Well, fifteen is the minimum, OK? 00:38:04.540 --> 00:38:05.670 Oh. OK. 00:38:05.710 --> 00:38:07.680 Now, you know, it's up to you whether or not... 00:38:07.710 --> 00:38:10.610 you want to just do the bare minimum or... 00:38:10.650 --> 00:38:11.870 Well, like Brian, for example... 00:38:11.910 --> 00:38:15.350 has thirty-seven pieces of flair on today. 00:38:15.380 --> 00:38:16.750 And a terrific smile. 00:38:16.790 --> 00:38:19.080 OK, so you want me to wear more? 00:38:20.720 --> 00:38:21.850 Look, Joanna... 00:38:21.890 --> 00:38:23.020 Yeah? 00:38:23.060 --> 00:38:24.960 People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, OK? 00:38:24.990 --> 00:38:28.120 They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. 00:38:28.900 --> 00:38:30.260 OK? that's what the flair's about. 00:38:30.300 --> 00:38:31.990 -It's about fun. -Yeah. 00:38:32.030 --> 00:38:34.190 OK, so more then, yeah? 00:38:35.970 --> 00:38:39.200 Look, we want you to express yourself, OK? 00:38:39.240 --> 00:38:43.700 Now if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then, OK... 00:38:43.750 --> 00:38:46.610 but some people choose to wear more... 00:38:46.650 --> 00:38:48.510 and we encourage that, OK? 00:38:49.850 --> 00:38:51.840 You do want to express yourself, don't you? 00:38:52.950 --> 00:38:54.080 Y-yeah. 00:38:54.120 --> 00:38:56.590 OK, great, great. That's all I ask. 00:38:56.620 --> 00:38:58.180 OK. 00:38:59.430 --> 00:39:02.090 Right, so there's three more people... 00:39:02.130 --> 00:39:04.160 we can easily lose. 00:39:04.200 --> 00:39:07.430 Then there's Tom Smykowski. 00:39:08.340 --> 00:39:09.460 He's useless. 00:39:09.500 --> 00:39:11.100 Gone. 00:39:11.140 --> 00:39:12.770 Sounds good to me. 00:39:12.810 --> 00:39:15.210 Here's a peculiar... 00:39:15.240 --> 00:39:17.580 -Uh, Milton Waddams. -Who's he? 00:39:17.610 --> 00:39:19.640 You know, squirrelly looking guy. Mumbles a lot. 00:39:19.680 --> 00:39:20.810 Oh, yeah. 00:39:20.850 --> 00:39:22.540 We--we can't actually find a record... 00:39:22.580 --> 00:39:24.920 of him being a current employee here. 00:39:24.950 --> 00:39:26.820 I looked into it more deeply... 00:39:26.860 --> 00:39:28.820 and I found that apparently what happened... 00:39:28.860 --> 00:39:31.620 is that he was laid off five years ago... 00:39:31.660 --> 00:39:32.850 and no one ever told him about it... 00:39:32.890 --> 00:39:35.390 but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department... 00:39:35.430 --> 00:39:36.800 he still gets a paycheck. 00:39:36.830 --> 00:39:39.700 So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch. 00:39:39.730 --> 00:39:40.860 Great. 00:39:40.900 --> 00:39:43.630 So, uh, Milton has been let go? 00:39:43.670 --> 00:39:44.800 Just a second there, professor. 00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:48.430 We, uh, we fixed the glitch. 00:39:48.480 --> 00:39:50.640 So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore. 00:39:50.680 --> 00:39:53.170 So it'll just work itself out naturally. 00:39:53.210 --> 00:39:56.310 We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. 00:39:56.350 --> 00:39:57.480 The problem is solved from your end. 00:39:57.520 --> 00:39:58.650 Laughter 00:39:58.690 --> 00:40:02.180 I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. 00:40:02.220 --> 00:40:04.820 Now, we had a chance to meet this young man... 00:40:04.860 --> 00:40:07.490 and, boy, that's just a straight shooter... 00:40:07.530 --> 00:40:09.290 with upper management written all over him. 00:40:09.330 --> 00:40:11.730 Eech. Ooh. 00:40:11.770 --> 00:40:15.100 Yeah. Um... 00:40:15.140 --> 00:40:16.430 I'm going to have to go ahead... 00:40:16.470 --> 00:40:18.670 and sort of disagree with you there. 00:40:18.710 --> 00:40:21.300 Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately... 00:40:21.340 --> 00:40:25.140 and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person... 00:40:25.180 --> 00:40:27.480 that we would want for upper management. 00:40:27.520 --> 00:40:30.210 He's also been having some problems... 00:40:30.250 --> 00:40:32.150 with his T.P.S. reports. 00:40:33.250 --> 00:40:35.190 I'll handle this. 00:40:35.220 --> 00:40:38.320 We feel... 00:40:38.360 --> 00:40:40.490 that the problem isn't with Peter. 00:40:40.530 --> 00:40:42.330 Mm-mmm. 00:40:42.360 --> 00:40:44.490 It's that you haven't challenged him enough... 00:40:44.530 --> 00:40:45.660 to get him really motivated. 00:40:45.700 --> 00:40:46.860 There it is. 00:40:48.270 --> 00:40:50.830 Yeah...Ah, well... 00:40:50.870 --> 00:40:53.170 I'm just not sure about that right now. 00:40:53.210 --> 00:40:55.940 Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here. 00:40:55.980 --> 00:40:59.280 How much time would you say you spend each week... 00:40:59.310 --> 00:41:01.280 dealing with these T.P.S. reports? 00:41:06.520 --> 00:41:07.680 Yeah... 00:41:16.210 --> 00:41:18.670 GETO BOYS Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta 00:41:29.150 --> 00:41:30.980 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta 00:41:31.020 --> 00:41:33.650 A real gangsta ass nigger plays his cards right 00:41:33.690 --> 00:41:36.280 A real gangsta ass nigger never runs his mouth 00:41:36.330 --> 00:41:39.390 'Cause real gangsta ass niggers don't start fights 00:41:39.430 --> 00:41:41.920 And niggers always gotta hide here 00:41:41.960 --> 00:41:44.800 Showin' all his boys how we shot 'em 00:41:44.830 --> 00:41:47.100 Real gangsta ass niggers don't flex nuts 00:41:47.140 --> 00:41:49.800 'Cause real gangsta ass niggers know they got 'em 00:41:50.540 --> 00:41:52.870 And everything is cool in the mind of a gangsta 00:41:52.910 --> 00:41:55.380 'Cause gangsta ass niggers think deep 00:41:55.410 --> 00:41:58.210 Up three-sixty-five and twenty-four-seven 00:41:58.250 --> 00:42:00.810 Real gangsta ass niggers don't sleep 00:42:00.850 --> 00:42:03.840 And all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be 00:42:03.890 --> 00:42:06.350 cootchie-eatin', jealous-hearted pranksters... 00:42:07.020 --> 00:42:08.550 Alarm blaring 00:42:09.430 --> 00:42:12.260 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta 00:42:15.100 --> 00:42:16.360 Hey, Peter, man! 00:42:16.400 --> 00:42:19.930 Check out channel nine. It's the east exams. Whoo! 00:42:33.750 --> 00:42:35.770 GETO BOYS Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta 00:42:35.820 --> 00:42:37.120 Hi, Peter. 00:42:37.150 --> 00:42:38.950 Oh, hi, Dom. 00:42:38.990 --> 00:42:41.480 GETO BOYS Although I was born in Jamaica 00:42:41.520 --> 00:42:44.220 Now I'm in the U.S. making deals 00:42:44.260 --> 00:42:46.960 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta 00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:49.230 I mean, one that you don't really know 00:42:49.970 --> 00:42:52.230 Riding around town in a drop top Benz 00:42:52.270 --> 00:42:55.240 Hittin' switches in my black six-four 00:42:55.270 --> 00:42:58.040 Now gangsta ass niggers come in all shapes and colors 00:42:58.070 --> 00:43:00.470 Some got killed in the past 00:43:00.510 --> 00:43:03.140 But this gangsta here was a smart one 00:43:03.180 --> 00:43:05.110 Started living for the Lord and not laughs 00:43:05.150 --> 00:43:08.880 Now all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be 00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:11.180 crumb snatchin', cootchie-eatin' pranksters 00:43:11.220 --> 00:43:12.810 When the Grim Reaper steps up 00:43:12.860 --> 00:43:14.290 What the hell you gonna do? 00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:16.480 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta 00:43:27.300 --> 00:43:29.200 So...Peter... 00:43:29.240 --> 00:43:30.360 what's happening? 00:43:30.410 --> 00:43:33.740 Ahh, now, are you going to go ahead... 00:43:33.780 --> 00:43:37.710 and have those T.P.S. reports for us this afternoon? 00:43:37.750 --> 00:43:39.110 No. 00:43:40.380 --> 00:43:42.910 Ahh...yeah... 00:43:42.950 --> 00:43:44.890 So I guess we should probably go ahead... 00:43:44.920 --> 00:43:47.860 and have a little talk, hmm? 00:43:47.890 --> 00:43:50.920 Not right now, Lumbergh, I'm--I'm kinda busy. 00:43:50.960 --> 00:43:54.790 In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead. 00:43:55.700 --> 00:43:56.930 Just come back another time. 00:43:56.970 --> 00:43:59.330 I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes. 00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:02.600 Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them. 00:44:02.640 --> 00:44:04.830 Yeah, they called me at home. 00:44:09.650 --> 00:44:10.770 That sounds good, Peter. 00:44:10.810 --> 00:44:13.010 And, uh, we'll go ahead and... 00:44:13.050 --> 00:44:15.380 get this all fixed up for you. 00:44:15.420 --> 00:44:16.540 Great. 00:44:16.590 --> 00:44:19.080 Mumbles 00:44:21.520 --> 00:44:24.290 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 00:44:24.330 --> 00:44:25.490 Mumbles 00:44:25.530 --> 00:44:27.890 I--I didn't receive my paycheck this week. 00:44:27.930 --> 00:44:32.560 Uh, you're going to have to talk to payroll about that. 00:44:32.600 --> 00:44:33.900 I did and they said-- 00:44:33.940 --> 00:44:35.800 Milt, we're gonna go ahead... 00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:39.600 and move you downstairs into storage B. 00:44:39.640 --> 00:44:41.370 No, l--I... 00:44:41.410 --> 00:44:45.400 New people are coming, and we need the space. 00:44:45.450 --> 00:44:46.780 But there's no space-- 00:44:46.820 --> 00:44:50.410 So if you could go ahead and pack your stuff... 00:44:50.450 --> 00:44:52.180 and move it down there... 00:44:52.220 --> 00:44:54.250 that would be terrific. 00:44:54.290 --> 00:44:55.650 OK? 00:44:55.690 --> 00:44:57.750 Uh, excuse me... 00:44:57.790 --> 00:45:03.390 I believe you have my stapler, please. Hmm. 00:45:03.430 --> 00:45:05.700 You've been missing a lot of work lately. 00:45:05.730 --> 00:45:07.900 I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob. 00:45:09.370 --> 00:45:10.670 Good one. 00:45:10.710 --> 00:45:12.540 Oh, that's terrific, Peter. 00:45:12.570 --> 00:45:15.770 I'm sure you've--you've heard some of the rumors... 00:45:15.810 --> 00:45:17.570 circulating around the hallways... 00:45:17.610 --> 00:45:20.410 about how we're going to do a little housecleaning... 00:45:20.450 --> 00:45:21.750 with some software people. 00:45:21.780 --> 00:45:24.980 Well, Bob, I have heard that. You gotta do what you gotta do. 00:45:25.020 --> 00:45:27.050 We'll be getting rid of these people. 00:45:27.090 --> 00:45:31.960 First, Mr. Samir Naga... 00:45:31.990 --> 00:45:33.190 Naga... 00:45:33.230 --> 00:45:36.490 Naga-gonna work here anymore, anyway. 00:45:36.530 --> 00:45:39.990 And Mr. Mike Bolton. Nobody's gonna miss him. 00:45:40.040 --> 00:45:41.760 You're gonna layoff Samir and Michael? 00:45:41.800 --> 00:45:44.330 Yeah. We're gonna ing in some entry-level graduates. 00:45:44.370 --> 00:45:46.600 Farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal. 00:45:46.640 --> 00:45:47.900 It's standard operating procedure. 00:45:47.940 --> 00:45:50.170 Do they know this yet? 00:45:50.210 --> 00:45:52.410 No. No, of course not. 00:45:52.450 --> 00:45:55.320 We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. 00:45:55.350 --> 00:45:57.610 Studies have statistically shown... 00:45:57.650 --> 00:45:59.280 there's less chance of an incident... 00:45:59.320 --> 00:46:01.020 if you do it at the end of the week. 00:46:01.060 --> 00:46:04.220 Peter, what we'd like to do is put you into position... 00:46:04.260 --> 00:46:07.960 to have as many as four people... 00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:09.330 working right underneath you. 00:46:09.360 --> 00:46:11.530 This is a big promotion, Pete. 00:46:11.570 --> 00:46:14.260 So you're going to fire Michael and Samir... 00:46:14.300 --> 00:46:16.130 and give me more money? 00:46:18.110 --> 00:46:19.840 Uh-huh. 00:46:19.880 --> 00:46:22.140 Wow! 00:46:22.180 --> 00:46:25.170 Hmm. Yeah. 00:46:25.210 --> 00:46:28.050 That's it. That's exactly what I need. 00:46:28.080 --> 00:46:29.410 Give it to me. 00:46:29.450 --> 00:46:30.940 Come on, you little fucker, let's go. 00:46:30.990 --> 00:46:32.580 That's what I need. Let's do that. 00:46:32.620 --> 00:46:35.180 Let's do exactly that, you little fuck-- 00:46:35.220 --> 00:46:37.090 -Michael. -Hey. 00:46:37.130 --> 00:46:38.490 Listen to me. 00:46:41.030 --> 00:46:42.590 What are you doing tonight? 00:46:44.170 --> 00:46:47.070 Michael, there comes a point in a man's life... 00:46:47.100 --> 00:46:49.630 and maybe that time for you is now... 00:46:50.740 --> 00:46:54.440 when it doesn't hurt to start thinking about the future. 00:46:54.480 --> 00:46:56.570 Uh, no offense there, Peter... 00:46:56.610 --> 00:46:58.340 but speak for yourself there, sport. 00:46:58.380 --> 00:47:01.650 I'm not the one who's been flakin' out at work. 00:47:01.680 --> 00:47:05.740 I know you had this religious experience or whatever... 00:47:05.790 --> 00:47:08.520 but get your shit together, or you're gonna get canned. 00:47:09.530 --> 00:47:12.020 Yeah, and, uh, and l--Listen... 00:47:13.060 --> 00:47:14.860 That virus you're always talking about... 00:47:14.900 --> 00:47:17.090 the one that could rip off the company... 00:47:17.130 --> 00:47:18.600 for a bunch of money. 00:47:18.630 --> 00:47:19.930 Yeah, what about it? 00:47:19.970 --> 00:47:21.630 Well, how does it work? 00:47:22.440 --> 00:47:23.840 It's pretty illiant. 00:47:23.870 --> 00:47:26.030 What it does is every time there's a bank transaction... 00:47:26.070 --> 00:47:28.570 where interest is computed-- there are thousands a day-- 00:47:28.610 --> 00:47:30.600 the computer ends up with these fractions of a cent... 00:47:30.650 --> 00:47:32.170 which it usually rounds off. 00:47:32.210 --> 00:47:34.610 What this does is it takes those little remainders... 00:47:34.650 --> 00:47:36.620 and puts it into an account. 00:47:36.650 --> 00:47:39.380 -This sounds familiar. -They did it in Superman Ill. 00:47:39.420 --> 00:47:40.620 Right, uh... 00:47:40.660 --> 00:47:42.390 An underrated movie, actually. 00:47:42.420 --> 00:47:45.830 There were hackers that did it in the seventies as well. 00:47:45.860 --> 00:47:48.920 -So they check for this now. -No, here's the thing. 00:47:48.960 --> 00:47:52.260 Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating... 00:47:52.300 --> 00:47:53.460 they'd never notice. 00:47:53.500 --> 00:47:55.530 You're right. 00:47:55.570 --> 00:47:57.970 Even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code. 00:47:58.010 --> 00:48:00.980 Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses. 00:48:01.010 --> 00:48:04.970 So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this? 00:48:05.010 --> 00:48:07.540 It's not worth the risk. I got a good job. 00:48:08.780 --> 00:48:11.250 What if you didn't have a good job? 00:48:12.690 --> 00:48:13.920 Cock gobblers! 00:48:17.590 --> 00:48:21.360 Samir and I are the best programmers they got. 00:48:21.400 --> 00:48:23.630 You haven't been showin' up, and you get to keep your job. 00:48:23.670 --> 00:48:25.530 Actually, I'm being promoted. 00:48:25.570 --> 00:48:28.260 -What?! -I know, Michael. 00:48:28.300 --> 00:48:30.830 It's completely unfair. 00:48:30.870 --> 00:48:33.400 And I realized something today. 00:48:33.440 --> 00:48:36.410 It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. 00:48:36.450 --> 00:48:38.410 It's about all of us together. 00:48:40.080 --> 00:48:43.480 I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist. 00:48:43.520 --> 00:48:46.040 Maybe it was just shock, and it's wearing off now... 00:48:46.090 --> 00:48:48.820 but when I saw that fat man keel over and die... 00:48:48.860 --> 00:48:51.850 Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth. 00:48:51.890 --> 00:48:54.860 We weren't meant to spend it this way. 00:48:54.900 --> 00:48:58.160 Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles... 00:48:58.200 --> 00:49:00.170 staring at computer screens all day... 00:49:00.200 --> 00:49:01.360 filling out useless forms... 00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:03.060 and listening to eight different bosses... 00:49:03.110 --> 00:49:05.600 drone on about mission statements. 00:49:05.640 --> 00:49:08.580 I told those fudgepackers I liked Michael Bolton's music. 00:49:08.610 --> 00:49:12.310 Ohh. That is not right, Michael. 00:49:12.350 --> 00:49:15.250 For five years now, you've worked your ass off... 00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:19.380 hoping for a promotion, profit sharing, or something. 00:49:19.420 --> 00:49:20.820 Five years... 00:49:20.860 --> 00:49:23.690 of your mid-twenties now gone. 00:49:23.730 --> 00:49:25.020 And you're gonna go in tomorrow... 00:49:25.060 --> 00:49:27.720 they're gonna throw you out on the street. 00:49:27.760 --> 00:49:29.560 You know why? 00:49:29.600 --> 00:49:34.040 So Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point. 00:49:34.070 --> 00:49:35.730 Ugh. 00:49:35.770 --> 00:49:37.900 Michael, let's make that stock go down... 00:49:37.940 --> 00:49:39.930 and let's take enough money out of that place... 00:49:39.980 --> 00:49:43.270 so that we never have to sit in a cubicle ever again. 00:49:44.710 --> 00:49:46.680 Your software works, right? 00:49:46.720 --> 00:49:48.440 Of course it works. That's not the point. 00:49:49.890 --> 00:49:52.010 Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how to install it. 00:49:52.050 --> 00:49:54.610 I don't know the credit union's software well enough. OK? 00:49:54.660 --> 00:49:58.360 Yeah. But Samir does. 00:49:58.490 --> 00:49:59.890 But that's not much money. 00:49:59.930 --> 00:50:01.160 That's the beauty of it. 00:50:01.200 --> 00:50:05.290 Each withdrawal, it's a fraction of a cent, too small to notice. 00:50:05.330 --> 00:50:07.600 But you take a few thousand withdrawals a day... 00:50:07.640 --> 00:50:09.100 you space it out over a couple of years... 00:50:09.140 --> 00:50:11.430 that's a few hundred thousand dollars. 00:50:11.470 --> 00:50:12.730 It's like Superman Ill. 00:50:12.770 --> 00:50:14.830 Superman Ill? 00:50:14.880 --> 00:50:18.610 I have to leave now. I have to get my résumé ready. 00:50:18.650 --> 00:50:22.880 For another job where they can fire you for no reason? 00:50:22.920 --> 00:50:25.650 That's right. If I'm lucky. 00:50:25.690 --> 00:50:29.850 I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you? 00:50:29.890 --> 00:50:32.690 Yes, but I'm not going to do anything illegal. 00:50:32.730 --> 00:50:35.220 Illegal? Samir, this is America. 00:50:35.260 --> 00:50:37.290 Come on. Sit down. 00:50:38.230 --> 00:50:40.500 Come on. This isn't Riyadh. 00:50:40.530 --> 00:50:43.500 They're not going to saw your hands off here. 00:50:43.540 --> 00:50:45.970 The worst they'd do is put you for a couple of months... 00:50:46.010 --> 00:50:49.410 into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. 00:50:49.440 --> 00:50:53.140 Shit, we should be so lucky. They have conjugal visits there. 00:50:53.180 --> 00:50:54.840 -Really? -Yes. 00:50:54.880 --> 00:50:56.250 Shit! 00:50:56.280 --> 00:50:59.010 I'm a free man. I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months. 00:50:59.050 --> 00:51:00.850 So what do you think? 00:51:00.890 --> 00:51:03.410 This thing is actually pretty fail-safe, Samir. 00:51:03.460 --> 00:51:04.650 Samir? 00:51:06.390 --> 00:51:09.190 You came here looking for a land of opportunity. 00:51:09.230 --> 00:51:12.390 And this is the knock of that opportunity. 00:51:12.430 --> 00:51:14.830 Tomorrow is your last day at lnitech. 00:51:14.870 --> 00:51:16.430 You have two options-- 00:51:16.470 --> 00:51:18.900 unemployment or early retirement. 00:51:18.940 --> 00:51:20.500 What's it gonna be? 00:51:21.310 --> 00:51:22.940 -I have a question. -Yes? 00:51:22.980 --> 00:51:26.740 In this conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 00:51:26.780 --> 00:51:29.480 Yep, you sure can. 00:51:33.020 --> 00:51:34.250 OK, I'll do it. 00:51:34.290 --> 00:51:37.220 That's what I'm talkin' about when I talk about America! 00:51:37.260 --> 00:51:38.660 Can we discuss the plan? 00:51:38.690 --> 00:51:40.420 OK, yeah, good, right. 00:51:40.460 --> 00:51:41.950 It works like a computer virus. 00:51:42.000 --> 00:51:44.620 All we do is load it into the credit union's mainframe. 00:51:44.670 --> 00:51:45.890 It'll do the rest. 00:51:45.930 --> 00:51:48.300 Get me that disk, and I'll take it from there. 00:51:48.340 --> 00:51:51.240 Before we go any further, all right? 00:51:51.270 --> 00:51:53.800 We have to swear to God, Allah... 00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:56.370 that nobody knows about this but us, all right? 00:51:56.410 --> 00:51:59.500 No family members, no girlfriends. Nobody. 00:51:59.550 --> 00:52:00.780 -Of course. -Agreed. 00:52:00.820 --> 00:52:03.050 Don't worry, man! I won't tell anyone, either. 00:52:03.080 --> 00:52:05.310 -What the fuck is that? -Don't worry. He's cool. 00:52:05.350 --> 00:52:08.790 All right. Here's how I see it all going down. 00:52:08.820 --> 00:52:11.720 Peter, congratulations. This is one heck of a promotion. 00:52:11.760 --> 00:52:13.020 Thank you, Bob. 00:52:13.060 --> 00:52:15.320 We'll get some people under you right away. 00:52:21.800 --> 00:52:23.030 ICE CUBE I got something for your mind 00:52:23.070 --> 00:52:24.730 Your body and your soul 00:52:28.180 --> 00:52:29.540 I got something for your mind 00:52:29.580 --> 00:52:31.100 Your body and your soul 00:52:34.010 --> 00:52:35.380 Bang bang 00:52:37.350 --> 00:52:41.340 ICE CUBE Here comes the big-headed naked ass dippin' 00:52:41.390 --> 00:52:43.580 Sippin' on Crevassier 00:52:43.620 --> 00:52:46.650 Goddamn, I must have the floss today 00:52:46.690 --> 00:52:48.290 Now, pimpin' ain't easy 00:52:48.330 --> 00:52:49.850 But it's necessary 00:52:49.900 --> 00:52:53.420 So I'm chasin' bitches like Tom chases Jerry 00:52:53.470 --> 00:52:56.030 I put the pedal to the floor 00:52:56.070 --> 00:52:58.970 In my two-tone Ford Explorer 00:52:59.010 --> 00:53:01.300 You know how it's done 00:53:01.340 --> 00:53:02.900 Slammin', bumpin' 00:53:02.940 --> 00:53:06.540 Make that somethin' jump on the one-ten 00:53:06.580 --> 00:53:09.050 She's flyin' in the Blazer 00:53:09.080 --> 00:53:11.210 Like no Speed Racer 00:53:11.250 --> 00:53:12.650 But I ain't gonna chase her 00:53:12.690 --> 00:53:15.090 Like Racer X 00:53:15.120 --> 00:53:16.950 But I won't flex 00:53:16.990 --> 00:53:19.720 Till it's time to have sex 00:53:19.760 --> 00:53:21.990 So when you want to get together? 00:53:22.030 --> 00:53:26.860 'Cause you know a nigger like me is down for whatever 00:53:26.900 --> 00:53:28.930 Bang 00:53:41.050 --> 00:53:42.350 That was easy. 00:53:42.380 --> 00:53:44.440 Yeah, I guess it was. 00:53:44.490 --> 00:53:46.110 What'd you do with the-- 00:53:46.220 --> 00:53:48.090 Hey, man. 00:53:48.120 --> 00:53:49.820 Oh, hey, Drew. 00:53:49.860 --> 00:53:51.520 You guys hear about Tom Smykowski? 00:53:51.560 --> 00:53:52.720 That he got laid off? 00:53:52.760 --> 00:53:54.280 No, man, check it out. 00:53:54.330 --> 00:53:56.920 Last week, after he found out he was getting laid off... 00:53:56.960 --> 00:54:00.330 he tries to kill himself by running the car in the garage. 00:54:00.370 --> 00:54:01.530 ls he dead? 00:54:01.570 --> 00:54:03.160 No, man, check it out. 00:54:03.200 --> 00:54:06.370 His wife comes home early and catches him. 00:54:06.410 --> 00:54:08.310 He tries to play it off like nothing happened. 00:54:08.340 --> 00:54:11.310 I was having some trouble with the shifter here. 00:54:11.350 --> 00:54:12.710 It's jammed. 00:54:12.750 --> 00:54:15.240 I--I couldn't get it into drive. 00:54:15.280 --> 00:54:18.050 -I--I--I mean, reverse. -You OK, Tom? 00:54:18.090 --> 00:54:20.420 Then as he's lookin' at her... 00:54:20.450 --> 00:54:22.480 he decides he wants to live. 00:54:22.520 --> 00:54:24.050 Yeah, I think I'm OK. 00:54:24.090 --> 00:54:25.490 Right. 00:54:25.530 --> 00:54:27.720 Seems to be working now. 00:54:29.500 --> 00:54:31.260 See you later, honey. 00:54:31.300 --> 00:54:32.530 Love ya. 00:54:34.130 --> 00:54:38.070 But as soon as he backs out of his driveway...Bam ! 00:54:38.110 --> 00:54:40.770 He gets slammed big-time by a drunk driver. 00:54:40.810 --> 00:54:42.800 -Is he OK? -Sort of. 00:54:42.840 --> 00:54:46.040 Broke both his wrists, legs, a couple of ribs, his back... 00:54:46.080 --> 00:54:48.280 but he's getting a huge settlement out of this. 00:54:48.320 --> 00:54:49.540 Like seven figures. 00:54:49.580 --> 00:54:51.110 He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow. 00:54:51.150 --> 00:54:53.120 He's throwing a big party this weekend to cele ate. 00:54:53.150 --> 00:54:55.180 We're all invited. 00:54:55.220 --> 00:54:57.950 I'm thinking I might take that new chick from logistics. 00:54:57.990 --> 00:55:00.520 Things go well, I might be showing her my Oh face. 00:55:00.560 --> 00:55:02.960 Oh, oh, oh... 00:55:03.000 --> 00:55:06.090 You know what I'm talking about. Oh. 00:55:06.130 --> 00:55:08.330 Yeah. Right. 00:55:08.370 --> 00:55:09.700 See you guys there. 00:55:11.010 --> 00:55:14.240 Wow, our last day at lnitech. 00:55:15.540 --> 00:55:17.570 I can't believe they had security escort us out. 00:55:17.610 --> 00:55:19.840 It's not like we're going to steal something. 00:55:22.120 --> 00:55:23.280 I stole something. 00:55:23.320 --> 00:55:25.380 Oh, yeah. I guess we all did. 00:55:25.420 --> 00:55:28.080 No, I stole something else. 00:55:29.120 --> 00:55:30.590 What did you steal? 00:55:32.160 --> 00:55:34.460 Call it a going-away present. 00:55:51.180 --> 00:55:53.840 GETO BOYS Back up in your ass with the resurrection 00:55:53.880 --> 00:55:55.310 Is the group harder than an erection 00:55:55.350 --> 00:55:57.150 That shows no affection 00:55:57.180 --> 00:55:58.980 They want to ban us on Capitol Hill 00:55:59.020 --> 00:56:00.450 'Cause it's die, motherfuckers 00:56:00.490 --> 00:56:02.350 Die, motherfuckers 00:56:02.390 --> 00:56:04.480 Nothing but the ghetto 00:56:04.530 --> 00:56:06.320 Taking drugs, step slow 00:56:06.360 --> 00:56:07.830 Kept my head low 00:56:07.860 --> 00:56:09.120 And never let go 00:56:09.160 --> 00:56:10.990 'Cause if I let go, then I'd be spineless 00:56:11.030 --> 00:56:12.900 I'm going insane 00:56:12.930 --> 00:56:14.300 My mind, yes, goes out of control 00:56:14.340 --> 00:56:16.130 On some subjects motherfuckers read on 00:56:16.170 --> 00:56:18.870 I done the shit that they believe in 00:56:18.910 --> 00:56:20.670 I see this motherfucker's nine smokin' 00:56:20.710 --> 00:56:21.830 I seen this 00:56:21.880 --> 00:56:23.540 I bet you motherfuckers will, too 00:56:23.580 --> 00:56:25.200 Because it's die, motherfucker 00:56:25.250 --> 00:56:26.770 Die, motherfucker 00:56:26.810 --> 00:56:28.680 Die, motherfucker, die, motherfucker 00:56:28.720 --> 00:56:31.690 Die, motherfucker, die, motherfucker 00:56:31.720 --> 00:56:35.160 Die, motherfucker, die, motherfucker 00:56:35.190 --> 00:56:37.660 Die, motherfuckers, die, motherfuckers 00:56:37.690 --> 00:56:40.680 Die, motherfucker, die, motherfucker 00:56:40.730 --> 00:56:43.460 Die, motherfuckers, die, motherfuckers 00:56:43.500 --> 00:56:45.830 Die, motherfucker, die, motherfucker 00:56:45.870 --> 00:56:47.460 I think it's something in the water 00:56:47.500 --> 00:56:49.830 I think it's something in the water 00:56:49.870 --> 00:56:51.800 So good to be free again 00:56:51.840 --> 00:56:53.470 With unity for men 00:56:53.510 --> 00:56:56.140 I walk around town with a frown on my face 00:56:56.180 --> 00:56:58.440 The whole world gonna catch a murder case 00:56:58.480 --> 00:57:00.780 The murder rate may decrease 00:57:00.810 --> 00:57:02.780 If you're caught up in the world while it's dying 00:57:02.820 --> 00:57:05.180 I guarantee you'll fry, 'cause I am 00:57:05.220 --> 00:57:07.550 On the verge of knocking motherfuckers out 00:57:07.590 --> 00:57:08.560 For no reason 00:57:08.590 --> 00:57:11.650 Once I get down, there'll be no eathin' 00:57:11.690 --> 00:57:13.180 Who's got my keys? 00:57:13.230 --> 00:57:14.630 I'm driving. 00:57:14.660 --> 00:57:16.390 Everything is gonna be OK. 00:57:16.430 --> 00:57:18.330 All right? OK? 00:57:18.370 --> 00:57:19.990 It's fun, and it's exciting. 00:57:20.030 --> 00:57:22.590 I gotta--I gotta go. All right? 00:57:22.640 --> 00:57:23.860 Joanna's coming over. 00:57:23.900 --> 00:57:27.100 Don't worry. You're worrying. All right? 00:57:27.140 --> 00:57:29.340 Monday morning, we're gonna check the account balance. 00:57:29.380 --> 00:57:30.500 Everything will be OK. 00:57:30.540 --> 00:57:32.710 Don't miss Tom's barbecue. I'll see you there. 00:57:32.750 --> 00:57:34.480 All right? Good night! 00:57:34.520 --> 00:57:37.210 Rapping Back up in your ass with the resurrection 00:57:39.790 --> 00:57:41.950 What were you guys cele ating last night? 00:57:41.990 --> 00:57:46.760 Oh, um...l'm not really at liberty to talk about it. 00:57:49.960 --> 00:57:51.590 I really can't. 00:57:54.300 --> 00:57:57.400 So, when the su outine compounds the interest... 00:57:57.440 --> 00:57:59.600 it uses all these extra decimal places... 00:57:59.640 --> 00:58:01.570 that just get rounded off. 00:58:01.610 --> 00:58:03.200 So we simplified the whole thing... 00:58:03.240 --> 00:58:06.540 and we round 'em all down and drop the remainder... 00:58:06.580 --> 00:58:08.570 into an account that we opened. 00:58:09.720 --> 00:58:11.120 So you're stealing? 00:58:12.190 --> 00:58:14.050 Uh, no. No, you don't understand. 00:58:14.090 --> 00:58:17.890 It's, uh, very complicated. It's, uh... 00:58:17.930 --> 00:58:20.990 It's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny... 00:58:21.030 --> 00:58:24.400 and, uh, over time, they add up to a lot. 00:58:24.430 --> 00:58:28.200 Oh, OK. So you're gonna make a lot of money, right? 00:58:28.240 --> 00:58:29.570 -Yeah. -Right. 00:58:29.600 --> 00:58:30.730 It's not yours? 00:58:30.770 --> 00:58:33.000 Uh...well, it becomes ours. 00:58:33.040 --> 00:58:34.840 How is that not stealing? 00:58:37.510 --> 00:58:40.780 I don't think I'm explaining this very well. 00:58:40.810 --> 00:58:43.940 Um, the 7-Eleven, right? 00:58:43.980 --> 00:58:46.280 You'd take a penny from the tray. 00:58:46.320 --> 00:58:47.620 From the crippled children? 00:58:47.650 --> 00:58:48.850 No, that's the jar. 00:58:48.890 --> 00:58:52.420 I'm talking about the tray-- the pennies for everybody. 00:58:52.460 --> 00:58:53.860 Oh, for everybody. OK. 00:58:53.890 --> 00:58:55.990 Yeah. Well, those are whole pennies. 00:58:56.030 --> 00:58:59.930 I'm just talking about fractions of a penny, OK? 00:58:59.970 --> 00:59:01.800 But we do it from a much bigger tray... 00:59:01.840 --> 00:59:03.930 and we do it a couple of million times. 00:59:03.970 --> 00:59:05.500 So what's wrong with that? 00:59:05.540 --> 00:59:07.200 I don't know. It just seems wrong. 00:59:07.240 --> 00:59:08.440 It's not wrong. 00:59:08.480 --> 00:59:09.700 Initech is wrong. 00:59:09.740 --> 00:59:12.300 Initech is an evil corporation, all right? 00:59:12.350 --> 00:59:14.440 Chotchkie's is wrong. 00:59:14.480 --> 00:59:16.450 Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning... 00:59:16.480 --> 00:59:18.540 and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair? 00:59:18.590 --> 00:59:21.020 Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start... 00:59:21.050 --> 00:59:22.750 taking money from the register. 00:59:22.790 --> 00:59:24.020 Well, maybe you should. 00:59:25.790 --> 00:59:29.130 The Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear. 00:59:29.160 --> 00:59:30.430 What? 00:59:32.130 --> 00:59:33.830 Look, we don't...l'm-- 00:59:33.870 --> 00:59:35.530 We don't have to talk about this now. 00:59:35.570 --> 00:59:39.060 Let's just go to the barbecue, all right? 00:59:42.100 --> 00:59:44.830 Michael, Samir, how you doin'? 00:59:44.870 --> 00:59:46.030 -Hey, Tom. -Hello, Tom. 00:59:46.070 --> 00:59:49.200 I'd like you to meet my lawyer Rob Newhouse. 00:59:49.240 --> 00:59:52.000 Rob, Michael. Samir. 00:59:52.040 --> 00:59:55.530 Peter! How are you? I'm glad you could make it. 00:59:55.580 --> 00:59:58.600 Tom, hi. This is somebody I'd like you to meet. 00:59:58.650 --> 01:00:00.550 -This is, uh, Joanna. -Hi. 01:00:00.580 --> 01:00:02.980 Hi. Forgive me for not getting up. 01:00:03.990 --> 01:00:06.420 Laughing 01:00:09.660 --> 01:00:12.560 Coughing Ooh, ooh. 01:00:12.590 --> 01:00:14.990 Peter, come here a minute. I wanna show you something. 01:00:16.330 --> 01:00:19.030 Well...what do you think? It's a prototype. 01:00:19.070 --> 01:00:20.870 Huh...that's... 01:00:20.900 --> 01:00:23.460 that's exactly as you described it. 01:00:25.470 --> 01:00:28.070 Uh, listen, I heard about your--your settlement. 01:00:28.110 --> 01:00:29.340 Congratulations. 01:00:29.380 --> 01:00:30.540 Well, thanks, Peter. 01:00:30.580 --> 01:00:34.520 You know, I'm glad you're here, because I wanted to talk to you. 01:00:34.550 --> 01:00:37.920 I know how you get depressed about your job and all, and... 01:00:37.950 --> 01:00:40.650 I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. 01:00:40.690 --> 01:00:42.420 I used to be the same way. 01:00:42.460 --> 01:00:44.480 -Really? -Sure. 01:00:44.530 --> 01:00:46.220 Maybe I didn't whine as much. 01:00:46.260 --> 01:00:49.130 But I bet I hated my job even more than you... 01:00:49.160 --> 01:00:51.500 and I'd been doing it for over thirty years. 01:00:51.530 --> 01:00:52.900 Wow. 01:00:52.940 --> 01:00:56.530 Just remember, if you hang in there long enough... 01:00:56.570 --> 01:00:59.770 good things can happen in this world. 01:00:59.810 --> 01:01:01.900 I mean, look at me. 01:01:02.910 --> 01:01:04.340 Thanks, Tom. 01:01:05.380 --> 01:01:07.280 Ah, sure. 01:01:07.320 --> 01:01:08.810 Music playing 01:01:12.690 --> 01:01:15.920 Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. 01:01:15.960 --> 01:01:18.650 Minimum-security prison is no picnic. 01:01:18.690 --> 01:01:20.860 I have a client in there right now. 01:01:20.900 --> 01:01:22.560 He says the trick is... 01:01:22.600 --> 01:01:24.500 kick someone's ass the first day... 01:01:24.530 --> 01:01:26.020 or become someone's bitch. 01:01:26.070 --> 01:01:28.700 Then everything will be all right. 01:01:28.740 --> 01:01:30.400 Why do you ask, anyway? 01:01:30.440 --> 01:01:32.740 Oh, no, we just-- 01:01:32.780 --> 01:01:33.970 It's a... 01:01:40.250 --> 01:01:42.310 -Hey, Peter. -Drew. 01:01:42.350 --> 01:01:44.580 That's something about old Smykowski, huh? 01:01:44.620 --> 01:01:46.420 -Yeah. -Lucky bastard. 01:01:47.590 --> 01:01:50.850 Hey, isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's? 01:01:50.890 --> 01:01:52.690 Yep. 01:01:52.730 --> 01:01:54.360 Who's she here with? 01:01:54.400 --> 01:01:55.660 She's with me. 01:01:57.500 --> 01:01:59.630 -Really? -Yep. 01:01:59.670 --> 01:02:03.100 All right, Peter. Ooh, ooh, right on. 01:02:04.140 --> 01:02:06.270 Make sure you wear a rubber, dude. 01:02:08.580 --> 01:02:09.740 Why's that, Drew? 01:02:09.780 --> 01:02:11.470 Are you kidding me? 01:02:11.510 --> 01:02:13.570 She gets around. All right? 01:02:15.080 --> 01:02:17.110 She does, does she? 01:02:17.150 --> 01:02:19.280 Oh, yeah, like a record. 01:02:22.190 --> 01:02:23.660 Like with who? 01:02:23.690 --> 01:02:26.660 Oh, let's see, uh... 01:02:26.700 --> 01:02:28.820 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 01:02:29.970 --> 01:02:31.660 Uh, let me see, who else? 01:02:33.800 --> 01:02:34.960 Lumbergh? 01:02:37.340 --> 01:02:39.740 What if you get caught? 01:02:39.780 --> 01:02:43.040 Oh, I just don't know if this was such a good idea. 01:02:43.080 --> 01:02:46.170 Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to sleep with Lumbergh. 01:02:46.220 --> 01:02:47.580 What? 01:02:47.620 --> 01:02:48.810 What are you-- 01:02:49.990 --> 01:02:52.010 Oh, right, Lumbergh. 01:02:52.050 --> 01:02:53.540 ! 01:02:53.590 --> 01:02:56.750 Oh...God...Lumbergh! 01:02:56.790 --> 01:02:58.780 Peter, what is wrong with you? 01:02:58.830 --> 01:03:00.560 That was, like, two years ago. 01:03:00.600 --> 01:03:02.030 What? Did you know him? 01:03:02.060 --> 01:03:03.690 Yeah, I know him. I know him. 01:03:03.730 --> 01:03:05.060 He's my boss. 01:03:05.100 --> 01:03:08.560 He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss. 01:03:08.600 --> 01:03:10.700 Oh, he's not that disgusting. 01:03:10.740 --> 01:03:14.040 He represents all that is soulless and wrong... 01:03:14.080 --> 01:03:15.840 and you slept with him. 01:03:15.880 --> 01:03:19.310 Hey, that is none of your business, OK? 01:03:19.350 --> 01:03:22.220 I didn't ask you who you slept with before we were together. 01:03:22.250 --> 01:03:23.480 I don't care. 01:03:23.520 --> 01:03:25.610 I didn't think you slept with guys like Lumbergh! 01:03:25.650 --> 01:03:27.880 Listen to you. 01:03:27.920 --> 01:03:29.410 Who do you think you are? 01:03:29.460 --> 01:03:32.020 How dare you judge me? 01:03:32.060 --> 01:03:34.890 I mean, what are you? You think you're an angel? 01:03:34.930 --> 01:03:37.690 No, you're just this penny-stealing... 01:03:37.730 --> 01:03:40.430 wannabe criminal man. 01:03:40.470 --> 01:03:42.200 Yeah, well, that may be. 01:03:42.240 --> 01:03:44.730 But at least I never slept with Lumbergh. 01:03:44.770 --> 01:03:46.090 OK, that's...l'm done. 01:03:46.220 --> 01:03:49.380 I wanna get out of the car, OK? Stop. 01:03:49.430 --> 01:03:51.290 Call me when you grow up. 01:03:51.330 --> 01:03:53.520 Wait. That's probably never gonna happen. 01:03:53.560 --> 01:03:54.790 So don't call me, OK? 01:03:54.830 --> 01:03:57.030 Say hello to Lumbergh for me! 01:04:03.870 --> 01:04:05.740 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 01:04:05.770 --> 01:04:07.330 Lumbergh fucked her. 01:04:07.380 --> 01:04:09.610 Lumbergh fucked her. 01:04:09.650 --> 01:04:11.610 That is great. 01:04:11.650 --> 01:04:14.740 I mean, she was seeing the Oh face for sure. 01:04:14.780 --> 01:04:18.580 Ohh, ohh, ohh. 01:04:18.620 --> 01:04:20.250 Ooh. 01:04:20.290 --> 01:04:22.950 If you could just move a little bit to the left. 01:04:22.990 --> 01:04:25.430 That's it. Great. 01:04:25.460 --> 01:04:27.620 Peter, what's happening? 01:04:27.660 --> 01:04:32.570 Um, could you give me those T.P.S. reports ASAP, OK? 01:04:32.600 --> 01:04:33.800 Oh! 01:04:48.030 --> 01:04:49.580 -Joanna. -Yeah. 01:04:50.190 --> 01:04:52.030 We need to talk. 01:04:52.060 --> 01:04:53.960 Do you know what this is about? 01:04:57.870 --> 01:04:59.500 My, uh, flair? 01:04:59.540 --> 01:05:01.700 Yeah. 01:05:01.740 --> 01:05:05.570 Or your lack of flair, because, uh... 01:05:05.610 --> 01:05:08.040 I'm counting, and I only see fifteen pieces. 01:05:08.080 --> 01:05:10.410 Let me ask you a question, Joanna. 01:05:10.450 --> 01:05:14.540 What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum? 01:05:16.120 --> 01:05:18.850 Huh, what do I think? Um, you know what, Stan... 01:05:20.120 --> 01:05:23.180 if you want me to wear thirty-seven pieces of flair... 01:05:23.230 --> 01:05:25.590 Iike your, uh, pretty boy over there, Brian... 01:05:25.630 --> 01:05:27.260 why don't you just make the minimum... 01:05:27.300 --> 01:05:29.290 thirty-seven pieces of flair? 01:05:29.330 --> 01:05:31.960 Well, I thought I remembered you saying... 01:05:32.000 --> 01:05:34.270 that you wanted to express yourself. 01:05:34.310 --> 01:05:36.300 Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. 01:05:36.340 --> 01:05:38.830 I do want to express myself. 01:05:38.880 --> 01:05:41.710 And I don't need thirty-seven pieces of flair to do it. 01:05:43.280 --> 01:05:45.910 All right? There's my flair. OK? 01:05:45.950 --> 01:05:50.280 And this is me expressing myself. OK? 01:05:50.320 --> 01:05:52.050 There it is. 01:05:52.090 --> 01:05:53.680 I hate this job. 01:05:53.720 --> 01:05:56.390 I hate this goddamn job, and I don't need it. 01:06:12.180 --> 01:06:13.300 Oh, shit. 01:06:13.340 --> 01:06:14.970 -Shit. -Shit. 01:06:15.010 --> 01:06:17.570 -Shit. -Son of a bitch. 01:06:17.620 --> 01:06:20.350 -Shit. -This is a fuck. 01:06:20.380 --> 01:06:21.510 l--I...Shit. 01:06:21.550 --> 01:06:23.040 What happened? 01:06:23.090 --> 01:06:25.280 You tell me, Michael! It's your software! 01:06:25.320 --> 01:06:26.910 Yes, it's your software. 01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:29.150 Corporate accounting is sure as hell gonna notice... 01:06:29.190 --> 01:06:31.920 three hundred five thousand, three hundred.... 01:06:31.960 --> 01:06:35.230 twenty-six thirteen, Michael! 01:06:35.270 --> 01:06:36.630 Oh, shit. 01:06:36.670 --> 01:06:38.690 They probably won't know it's gone... 01:06:38.740 --> 01:06:40.530 for another three or four days. 01:06:40.570 --> 01:06:44.170 Michael! You said this thing was gonna take two years. 01:06:44.210 --> 01:06:46.730 What happened? You said the thing was supposed to work! 01:06:46.780 --> 01:06:48.070 Technically, it did work. 01:06:48.110 --> 01:06:49.440 No, it didn't! 01:06:49.480 --> 01:06:52.420 It did not work, Michael, OK? 01:06:52.450 --> 01:06:54.040 OK. 01:06:54.080 --> 01:06:57.280 I must have put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. 01:06:57.320 --> 01:06:59.850 I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail. 01:06:59.890 --> 01:07:03.950 Oh! Well, this is not a mundane detail, Michael! 01:07:03.990 --> 01:07:05.550 Quit getting pissed at me. 01:07:05.600 --> 01:07:07.500 This was all your idea, asshole. 01:07:08.770 --> 01:07:10.760 All right. OK. 01:07:10.800 --> 01:07:13.330 Let's try not to get pissed off at each other. 01:07:13.370 --> 01:07:15.930 Let's calm down, try to figure this thing out together. 01:07:15.970 --> 01:07:19.700 We gotta close that account before it gets bigger. 01:07:19.740 --> 01:07:23.980 WORKERS Happy birthday to you 01:07:24.010 --> 01:07:29.010 Happy birthday to you 01:07:29.050 --> 01:07:34.720 Happy birthday, Mr. Lumbergh 01:07:34.760 --> 01:07:38.850 Happy birthday to you 01:07:43.170 --> 01:07:44.570 Looks terrific. 01:07:44.600 --> 01:07:45.760 Mmm. 01:07:45.800 --> 01:07:48.500 Here, Peg, you wanna get everybody started? 01:07:51.780 --> 01:07:52.970 Mmm. 01:07:53.010 --> 01:07:54.440 Oh, that is terrific. 01:07:54.480 --> 01:07:55.810 Just terrific. 01:07:55.850 --> 01:07:59.610 Thanks, everybody. I really, really appreciate it. 01:07:59.650 --> 01:08:01.020 It's very special. 01:08:01.050 --> 01:08:03.350 Now, Milton, don't be greedy. 01:08:03.390 --> 01:08:06.690 Let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece. 01:08:06.720 --> 01:08:09.850 But last time I didn't receive a piece and I was told-- 01:08:09.890 --> 01:08:11.420 Just pass. 01:08:11.460 --> 01:08:16.660 OK, here. But this... 01:08:18.270 --> 01:08:21.760 The cake... There's lots of cake? 01:08:22.810 --> 01:08:25.800 The ratio of people to cake is too big. 01:08:43.060 --> 01:08:45.890 Mumbles I could set the building on fire. 01:08:45.930 --> 01:08:50.060 Is there some way to just give the money back? 01:08:50.100 --> 01:08:52.930 Hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? 01:08:52.970 --> 01:08:55.940 I--I think they'd figure that out. 01:08:55.970 --> 01:08:58.200 Well, we have to do something. 01:08:58.240 --> 01:09:00.230 Maybe we could launder the money. 01:09:01.580 --> 01:09:03.570 That's a great idea. 01:09:03.610 --> 01:09:04.710 OK, how do we do that? 01:09:04.750 --> 01:09:06.480 I don't know. 01:09:06.520 --> 01:09:08.250 I don't even know what it means. I was hoping you knew. 01:09:08.290 --> 01:09:10.050 I think coke dealers do it. 01:09:10.090 --> 01:09:12.650 OK, all right. Do we know any coke dealers? 01:09:13.560 --> 01:09:15.020 My cousin's a cokehead. 01:09:20.560 --> 01:09:22.120 Fuck. 01:09:22.170 --> 01:09:23.460 We're in deep shit. 01:09:23.500 --> 01:09:27.230 Yes, we are in very, very deep shit. 01:09:32.240 --> 01:09:34.180 -Milton. -Yes. 01:09:34.210 --> 01:09:35.440 What's happening? 01:09:35.480 --> 01:09:38.000 Say, Milton, you know what'd be great? 01:09:38.050 --> 01:09:39.170 But...no. 01:09:39.220 --> 01:09:41.050 Since you're down here... 01:09:41.090 --> 01:09:44.320 it would be really great if you could just sort of... 01:09:44.360 --> 01:09:47.150 take care of the cockroach problem we've had in here. 01:09:47.190 --> 01:09:50.250 That's really not my job, and I haven't received my paycheck... 01:09:50.290 --> 01:09:52.130 For now, why don't you go ahead... 01:09:52.160 --> 01:09:55.560 and get yourself a flashlight and a can of pesticide... 01:09:55.600 --> 01:09:56.790 and crawl down-- 01:09:56.830 --> 01:09:59.300 Bill? We need you upstairs right away. 01:09:59.340 --> 01:10:01.200 We got a big problem--big. 01:10:01.240 --> 01:10:04.170 Some major glitch in accounting, a lot of money missing. 01:10:09.410 --> 01:10:10.570 'Scuse me. 01:10:12.450 --> 01:10:13.640 'Scuse me. 01:10:13.680 --> 01:10:14.840 Door closes 01:10:16.250 --> 01:10:20.210 OK...but that's the last straw. 01:10:20.260 --> 01:10:22.750 Here we go, here we go. 01:10:22.790 --> 01:10:27.060 Uh, launder. To clean, no. To wash-- 01:10:27.100 --> 01:10:30.360 To conceal the source of money... 01:10:30.400 --> 01:10:33.670 as by channeling it through an intermediary. 01:10:34.470 --> 01:10:35.870 To conceal... 01:10:35.910 --> 01:10:38.430 That doesn't really help us, Michael. 01:10:38.480 --> 01:10:40.200 I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. 01:10:40.240 --> 01:10:42.410 We're looking up money laundering in a dictionary. 01:10:42.450 --> 01:10:47.010 Yeah, well, you guys can both eat my ass, OK? 01:10:47.050 --> 01:10:48.850 I can't believe Joanna slept with Lumbergh. 01:10:48.890 --> 01:10:50.110 That's what I can't believe. 01:10:50.150 --> 01:10:53.150 -Yeah. You didn't know that? -Yeah, you didn't know that? 01:10:53.190 --> 01:10:55.220 A couple of years ago, before he moved to Atlanta. 01:10:57.690 --> 01:11:01.530 You mean Ron Lumbergh, the lnitrode guy? The young guy? 01:11:01.570 --> 01:11:04.090 Yeah. Who'd you think I meant? Bill? 01:11:06.140 --> 01:11:08.970 Her fucking--Her children would have hooves. 01:11:10.840 --> 01:11:12.540 Ron's not related to Bill, is he? 01:11:12.580 --> 01:11:13.940 Knock on door 01:11:13.980 --> 01:11:15.670 Who's that? 01:11:16.680 --> 01:11:18.200 All right, nobody panic. 01:11:18.250 --> 01:11:19.940 Probably just Lawrence. 01:11:23.450 --> 01:11:25.220 Good evening, sir. My name is Steve. 01:11:25.260 --> 01:11:26.810 I come from a rough area. 01:11:26.860 --> 01:11:28.480 I used to be addicted to crack... 01:11:28.530 --> 01:11:30.490 but now I'm off and trying to stay clean. 01:11:30.530 --> 01:11:33.000 That is why I'm selling magazine subscriptions. 01:11:33.030 --> 01:11:35.060 -No, no. -Wait a minute. 01:11:35.100 --> 01:11:37.070 You used to be addicted to crack? 01:11:38.340 --> 01:11:39.860 Yeah. Um... 01:11:41.510 --> 01:11:43.670 Look, I'm very sorry. 01:11:43.710 --> 01:11:46.270 I do not know anything about any money laundering. 01:11:46.310 --> 01:11:48.780 We're not asking you about money laundering. 01:11:48.810 --> 01:11:50.210 All we need is for you to hook us-- 01:11:50.250 --> 01:11:52.080 lf he doesn't know anybody-- 01:11:52.120 --> 01:11:53.910 No. Wait a minute. 01:11:53.950 --> 01:11:56.920 Look, you just give us the name of one drug dealer. 01:11:56.950 --> 01:11:59.350 I could talk to him. I have good networking skill. 01:11:59.390 --> 01:12:00.580 I lied. 01:12:00.620 --> 01:12:03.720 All that stuff I said about being a crackhead... 01:12:03.760 --> 01:12:06.230 just helps me sell magazines. 01:12:06.260 --> 01:12:08.730 I'm actually an unemployed software engineer. 01:12:12.600 --> 01:12:15.700 -You're a software engineer? -Yep. 01:12:15.740 --> 01:12:18.330 Things, they must be very rough for you. 01:12:18.380 --> 01:12:20.040 Actually, man... 01:12:20.080 --> 01:12:22.140 I make more money selling magazine subscriptions... 01:12:22.180 --> 01:12:23.670 than I ever did at lnitrode. 01:12:23.710 --> 01:12:25.880 Heh. At lnitrode? 01:12:25.920 --> 01:12:27.940 Wait a minute, you're not gonna tell anybody... 01:12:27.990 --> 01:12:29.350 about all this stuff we told you. 01:12:29.390 --> 01:12:32.620 I mean, we know a lot of the same people. That's... 01:12:34.460 --> 01:12:37.120 Actually, um, that all depends. 01:12:42.000 --> 01:12:45.060 What am I gonna do with forty subscriptions to Vibe? 01:12:46.370 --> 01:12:47.500 We never should have done this. 01:12:47.540 --> 01:12:49.370 What were we thinking? 01:12:50.310 --> 01:12:51.430 You know what I can't figure out? 01:12:51.480 --> 01:12:54.710 How is it that all these stupid Neanderthal Mafia guys... 01:12:54.750 --> 01:12:56.180 can be so good at crime... 01:12:56.210 --> 01:12:58.700 and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it? 01:12:58.750 --> 01:13:00.310 We're new to it, though. 01:13:00.350 --> 01:13:02.910 If we had more experience... 01:13:02.950 --> 01:13:06.390 No. You know what I think? I think we're screwed. 01:13:06.420 --> 01:13:07.910 I think there's enough evidence... 01:13:07.960 --> 01:13:10.020 all over that building to link us to this. 01:13:10.060 --> 01:13:12.190 Even if we could launder money, I wouldn't want to. 01:13:12.230 --> 01:13:13.860 What we've done is bad enough. 01:13:13.900 --> 01:13:15.190 We get caught laundering money... 01:13:15.230 --> 01:13:17.260 we're not going to white-collar resort prison. 01:13:17.300 --> 01:13:20.270 No. We're going to federal pound me in the ass prison. 01:13:20.300 --> 01:13:22.400 I don't want to go to any prison. 01:13:22.440 --> 01:13:24.740 Why the hell did I do this? 01:13:24.780 --> 01:13:27.470 I've never done anything wrong in my whole life. 01:13:27.510 --> 01:13:28.770 We weren't thinking clearly... 01:13:28.810 --> 01:13:31.010 because you told us we were losing our jobs. 01:13:31.050 --> 01:13:33.450 Now look at us, we're worried about going in a prison. 01:13:33.480 --> 01:13:35.750 Don't worry about it. I'll think of something. 01:13:35.790 --> 01:13:37.340 Hisses 01:13:37.390 --> 01:13:39.480 I'm going home. 01:13:39.520 --> 01:13:40.680 Me, too. 01:13:42.360 --> 01:13:46.520 You are a very... bad person, Peter. 01:14:05.000 --> 01:14:06.590 Knocks 01:14:06.630 --> 01:14:08.070 Lawrence, you awake? 01:14:08.100 --> 01:14:09.330 Yeah. 01:14:11.100 --> 01:14:12.370 You wanna come over? 01:14:12.400 --> 01:14:13.530 No, thanks, man. 01:14:13.570 --> 01:14:15.800 I don't want you fucking up my life, too. 01:14:18.610 --> 01:14:20.170 Crickets chirping 01:14:21.380 --> 01:14:24.280 In light of the senselessness of these heinous crimes... 01:14:24.320 --> 01:14:26.780 that you have committed against lnitech... 01:14:26.820 --> 01:14:29.880 I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton... 01:14:29.920 --> 01:14:34.790 and Samir Naan--Nanadajibad... 01:14:34.830 --> 01:14:37.120 to a term of no less than four years... 01:14:37.160 --> 01:14:40.760 in a federal pound me in the ass prison. 01:14:44.600 --> 01:14:46.430 Peter Gibbons... 01:14:46.470 --> 01:14:49.240 you've led a trite and meaningless life... 01:14:50.980 --> 01:14:53.880 and you're a very bad person. 01:14:55.210 --> 01:14:56.810 Bang 01:15:31.120 --> 01:15:32.280 Hey. 01:15:33.720 --> 01:15:36.280 You're not working at Chotchkie's anymore, huh? 01:15:36.320 --> 01:15:38.520 No, no. I got fired. 01:15:39.320 --> 01:15:41.850 -What happened? -I flipped off my boss. 01:15:41.890 --> 01:15:44.020 Some customers... 01:15:44.060 --> 01:15:45.830 Actually, a line cook... 01:15:45.860 --> 01:15:47.860 but he just happened to be standing there, so... 01:15:49.170 --> 01:15:51.290 I might be going away for a while. 01:15:51.340 --> 01:15:54.790 Uh...to jail. 01:15:54.840 --> 01:15:56.810 You were right about that computer scam. 01:15:56.840 --> 01:15:58.170 That was a bad idea. 01:15:58.210 --> 01:16:00.770 I'm gonna take the blame for it, I decided. 01:16:01.950 --> 01:16:04.250 I'm on my way now to return the money... 01:16:04.280 --> 01:16:06.680 and leave the confession under Lumbergh's door. 01:16:09.050 --> 01:16:10.350 Joanna, I want to apologize. 01:16:10.390 --> 01:16:12.910 I had no right to get pissed off at you about Lumbergh. 01:16:12.960 --> 01:16:14.590 Lumbergh is not my problem. 01:16:14.630 --> 01:16:16.720 It wasn't even the right Lumbergh. 01:16:16.760 --> 01:16:20.720 I don't know why I can't just... go to work and be happy... 01:16:20.770 --> 01:16:23.230 Iike I'm supposed to, like everybody else. 01:16:23.270 --> 01:16:25.460 Peter, most people don't like their jobs. 01:16:25.500 --> 01:16:29.530 But you go out there and find something that makes you happy. 01:16:29.570 --> 01:16:31.440 Yeah. Well... 01:16:33.110 --> 01:16:35.200 I may never be happy at my job... 01:16:35.250 --> 01:16:38.150 but I think that if I could be with you... 01:16:38.180 --> 01:16:40.240 that I could be happy with my life. 01:16:40.290 --> 01:16:42.310 I've been a real asshole. 01:16:42.350 --> 01:16:45.520 But, if you'd give it another shot, I promise-- 01:16:45.560 --> 01:16:46.790 OK, shut up. 01:16:51.230 --> 01:16:53.990 Whoa! Hey, what's going on here? 01:16:54.030 --> 01:16:56.520 Get a room, you two! Ha ha! 01:16:59.940 --> 01:17:02.070 I hate that guy. 01:17:53.060 --> 01:17:55.970 Then Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll... 01:17:56.140 --> 01:17:57.830 and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. 01:17:57.870 --> 01:18:00.400 And I still haven't received my paycheck. 01:18:00.440 --> 01:18:03.170 And he took my stapler, and he never ought it back. 01:18:03.210 --> 01:18:05.580 And then they moved my desk to storage room B. 01:18:05.610 --> 01:18:07.510 And there was garbage on it, and-- 01:18:07.550 --> 01:18:10.070 Why don't you go back down and sit at your desk? 01:18:10.120 --> 01:18:11.640 Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute. 01:18:11.690 --> 01:18:14.950 -Mr. Lumbergh-- -Just go sit at your desk. 01:18:14.990 --> 01:18:17.480 OK. But, l--I'm gonna just... 01:18:17.530 --> 01:18:20.020 Mumbling 01:18:25.130 --> 01:18:27.030 I have to take my stapler back... 01:18:27.070 --> 01:18:30.770 because I told him it's my stapler. 01:18:35.680 --> 01:18:37.540 It's my stapler. 01:18:37.580 --> 01:18:41.310 A Swingline, the and I've been using for a long time. 01:18:59.270 --> 01:19:00.390 Knocks 01:19:00.440 --> 01:19:01.770 Lawrence, you in there? 01:19:03.640 --> 01:19:05.730 Whoa. Hey, Peter, man. 01:19:05.770 --> 01:19:07.500 Hey. 01:19:07.540 --> 01:19:09.810 So, I might be going away for a while. 01:19:09.850 --> 01:19:11.810 Yeah, I know, man. 01:19:11.850 --> 01:19:14.370 It's a bummer, dude. What can I say? 01:19:14.420 --> 01:19:16.440 Yeah. Yeah. 01:19:18.150 --> 01:19:21.680 Well, time to go face the music. 01:19:21.720 --> 01:19:24.350 You take care of yourself if I don't see you, all right? 01:19:24.390 --> 01:19:26.950 You too, man. Take her easy, bud. 01:19:27.000 --> 01:19:28.430 All right. 01:19:29.560 --> 01:19:31.000 Hey, Peter. 01:19:31.030 --> 01:19:32.690 Yeah? 01:19:33.840 --> 01:19:35.500 Watch out for your cornhole, bud. 01:19:36.970 --> 01:19:38.460 OK, Lawrence. 01:19:38.510 --> 01:19:42.500 Sirens 01:19:52.190 --> 01:19:54.710 Stay clear, now. Stay clear. 01:19:54.760 --> 01:19:56.920 Holy shit. 01:21:06.400 --> 01:21:09.160 Wait a minute. Let me take a look at that. 01:21:10.030 --> 01:21:11.430 You don't want that, Peter, man. 01:21:11.470 --> 01:21:12.900 That's toasted, man. 01:21:12.930 --> 01:21:16.130 I think I know someone who might want this. 01:21:25.050 --> 01:21:26.380 Honk honk 01:21:27.450 --> 01:21:28.610 Hey, man. 01:21:29.890 --> 01:21:31.650 Wanna go to lunch? 01:21:32.420 --> 01:21:33.750 Brought mine in a pail... 01:21:33.790 --> 01:21:36.380 plus Joanna's supposed to come by a little later. 01:21:37.390 --> 01:21:39.860 How do you like your new job? 01:21:39.900 --> 01:21:41.860 Not too bad, not too bad. 01:21:41.900 --> 01:21:43.490 How's Penetrode? 01:21:43.530 --> 01:21:45.230 lnitrode. 01:21:45.270 --> 01:21:46.600 They're all right. 01:21:46.640 --> 01:21:48.000 It's work. 01:21:48.040 --> 01:21:49.800 Yeah, yeah. 01:21:49.840 --> 01:21:51.570 Probably get you a job there. 01:21:51.610 --> 01:21:53.440 No, thanks. I, uh... 01:21:53.480 --> 01:21:54.910 I'm doing good here. 01:21:56.710 --> 01:22:00.550 So, uh... we're gonna be OK, right? 01:22:00.580 --> 01:22:02.410 Yeah. 01:22:03.350 --> 01:22:05.840 I think the fire pretty much took care of everything. 01:22:05.890 --> 01:22:08.520 I wonder if the money burn up. 01:22:08.560 --> 01:22:09.850 It would be shame. 01:22:09.890 --> 01:22:11.320 Yeah. 01:22:11.360 --> 01:22:14.260 So you sure you don't want us to get you a job? 01:22:14.300 --> 01:22:17.600 That's one thing I'm definitely sure of. 01:22:19.770 --> 01:22:21.700 All right, chief. 01:22:21.740 --> 01:22:23.030 You guys take care, all right? 01:22:23.070 --> 01:22:24.440 All right. 01:22:25.570 --> 01:22:26.600 Stay in touch, man. 01:22:26.640 --> 01:22:28.400 OK. Will do. 01:22:32.650 --> 01:22:34.580 This isn't so bad, huh? 01:22:35.750 --> 01:22:40.740 Making bucks, getting exercise, working outside. 01:22:40.790 --> 01:22:42.590 Fuckin' A. 01:22:45.190 --> 01:22:46.960 Fuckin' A. 01:23:05.380 --> 01:23:07.640 Excuse me. Excuse me, seńor. 01:23:07.680 --> 01:23:09.580 May I speak to you, please? 01:23:09.620 --> 01:23:12.280 I asked for a mai tai, and they ought a pińa colada. 01:23:12.320 --> 01:23:14.690 And I said no salt, no salt... 01:23:14.720 --> 01:23:16.450 for the margarita, but it had salt on it. 01:23:16.490 --> 01:23:19.120 Lo siento mucho, seńor. Pinche gringo. 01:23:19.160 --> 01:23:22.820 I won't be leaving a tip, 'cause I could... 01:23:22.860 --> 01:23:24.730 I could shut this whole resort down. 01:23:24.770 --> 01:23:26.360 Sir? 01:23:26.400 --> 01:23:30.840 I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. 01:23:32.770 --> 01:23:35.330 I could write a letter to your board of tourism. 01:23:35.380 --> 01:23:37.640 I could have this place condemned. 01:23:37.680 --> 01:23:42.510 I could put, I could put strychnine in the guacamole. 01:23:42.550 --> 01:23:44.340 There was salt on the glass, big grains of salt. 01:23:44.340 --> 01:23:45.030 There was salt on the glass, big grains of salt. 01:23:59.950 --> 01:24:01.940 Give a ride on the old bone roller coaster. 01:24:01.990 --> 01:24:04.010 Aaaah! 01:24:05.060 --> 01:24:06.460 CANIBUS Yeah 01:24:06.490 --> 01:24:09.890 Yo, 6:00 every morning, you're waking up yawnin' 01:24:09.930 --> 01:24:11.990 To the sound of your alarm clock alarmin' 01:24:12.030 --> 01:24:13.330 About an hour from now 01:24:13.360 --> 01:24:15.460 You should be at your place of employment 01:24:15.500 --> 01:24:17.400 Which is annoyin' 'cause it's so borin' 01:24:17.440 --> 01:24:18.600 You coworkers are talking 01:24:18.640 --> 01:24:20.300 Don't come back in a dress, man. 01:24:20.340 --> 01:24:22.570 Ha ha ha. You big fag. 01:24:22.610 --> 01:24:25.010 CANIBUS You wonder why your workload is so enormous 01:24:25.040 --> 01:24:28.310 'Cause your boss just laid off 3/4 of the whole office 01:24:28.350 --> 01:24:30.510 People get depressed, they get ulcers 01:24:30.550 --> 01:24:33.240 From the stress that the corporate environment causes 01:24:33.280 --> 01:24:36.010 Regardless of how you ultimately wanna solve this 01:24:36.050 --> 01:24:38.580 Seems to me like you've got one of four choices 01:24:38.620 --> 01:24:41.060 You can take a new job offer for more chips 01:24:41.090 --> 01:24:43.750 Stick it out a little longer or forfeit 01:24:43.790 --> 01:24:45.280 But my advice to anybody-- 01:24:45.330 --> 01:24:46.590 I'm working at Hooters now, you know... 01:24:46.630 --> 01:24:48.690 and it's very cool. 01:24:48.730 --> 01:24:51.360 BIZ MARKIE Take this job and shove it 01:24:51.400 --> 01:24:54.340 I ain't working here no more 01:24:54.370 --> 01:24:56.570 Take this job and shove it 01:24:56.610 --> 01:24:59.670 I ain't working here no more 01:24:59.710 --> 01:25:01.840 Take this job and shove it 01:25:01.880 --> 01:25:04.780 CANIBUS Just shove it, take this job and shove it 01:25:04.820 --> 01:25:07.550 BIZ MARKIE Take this job, take this job 01:25:07.590 --> 01:25:09.550 take this job and shove it, shove it 01:25:09.590 --> 01:25:11.780 CANIBUS Yo, if your boss is a S.O.B. 01:25:11.820 --> 01:25:14.920 Tell him to s-h-o-v-e the j-o-b 01:25:14.960 --> 01:25:17.330 Put your middle finger up slowly 01:25:17.360 --> 01:25:20.690 Put it close enough to his face so he can examine it closely 01:25:20.730 --> 01:25:22.490 Say l ain't working here no more 01:25:22.530 --> 01:25:23.800 Who do you think you are? 01:25:23.830 --> 01:25:25.560 Whip the apron off, throw it on the floor 01:25:25.600 --> 01:25:28.940 Run to the door, to the pay phone, make a toll-free call 01:25:28.970 --> 01:25:31.070 Tell your stocks what happened and where you are 01:25:31.110 --> 01:25:33.540 So they can come and get you in the car later on 01:25:33.580 --> 01:25:36.210 And help you search for a new nine-to-five job 01:25:36.250 --> 01:25:38.680 If the unemployment line ain't that long 01:25:38.720 --> 01:25:41.450 You can take your time filling out W-9 forms 01:25:41.490 --> 01:25:44.390 Eventually, you'll get on if you try hard enough 01:25:44.420 --> 01:25:47.050 And you get money if you keep punching your time card enough 01:25:47.090 --> 01:25:48.750 Maybe you hate it, maybe you love it 01:25:48.790 --> 01:25:50.690 But if you hate it, all you gotta do 01:25:50.730 --> 01:25:52.290 Is get mad and tell your boss to 01:25:52.330 --> 01:25:54.230 BIZ MARKIE Take this job and shove it 01:25:54.270 --> 01:25:57.600 I ain't working here no more 01:25:57.640 --> 01:25:59.540 Take this job and shove it 01:25:59.570 --> 01:26:02.800 I ain't working here no more 01:26:02.840 --> 01:26:05.140 Take this job and shove it 01:26:05.180 --> 01:26:08.040 I ain't working here no more 01:26:08.080 --> 01:26:12.850 Take this job, take this job, take this job and shove it 01:26:12.880 --> 01:26:15.510 CANIBUS Yo, so mind your patience or like slave gigs 01:26:15.550 --> 01:26:18.020 The boss' favorite to get placed in something spacious 01:26:18.060 --> 01:26:19.610 While the most hated get placed 01:26:19.660 --> 01:26:21.280 In some small cubicle spaces 01:26:21.330 --> 01:26:22.950 Or get thrown down in the basement 01:26:22.990 --> 01:26:25.720 Get your stapler confiscated, you constantly waitin' 01:26:25.760 --> 01:26:27.990 For a paycheck, twelve months pass by 01:26:28.030 --> 01:26:29.330 And you still ain't get paid yet 01:26:29.370 --> 01:26:30.860 Here's an optimistic motto 01:26:30.900 --> 01:26:32.560 If you ever late for today 01:26:32.600 --> 01:26:34.470 You can stay early for tomorrow 01:26:34.510 --> 01:26:36.200 Most nine-to-fives are hard 01:26:36.240 --> 01:26:37.670 'Cause the description of the job 01:26:37.710 --> 01:26:39.440 Ain't no picnic in the park 01:26:39.480 --> 01:26:42.340 People get hired, drink coffee to stay wired 01:26:42.380 --> 01:26:44.870 So they don't get tired, sleep late, and get fired 01:26:44.920 --> 01:26:47.350 BIZ MARKIE You came in late, you already ate 01:26:47.380 --> 01:26:49.980 Now, you want to take a lunch eak? 01:26:50.020 --> 01:26:52.750 CANIBUS Yo, bust it, ain't no need to discuss it 01:26:52.790 --> 01:26:55.760 Just take this job and shove it right between your buttocks 01:26:55.790 --> 01:26:57.520 BIZ MARKIE Take this job and shove it 01:26:57.560 --> 01:27:00.860 I ain't working here no more 01:27:00.900 --> 01:27:02.730 Take this job and shove it 01:27:02.770 --> 01:27:05.900 I ain't working here no more 01:27:05.940 --> 01:27:08.430 Take this job and shove it 01:27:08.470 --> 01:27:11.370 I ain't working here no more 01:27:11.410 --> 01:27:13.740 Take this job, take this job 01:27:13.780 --> 01:27:16.680 Take this job and shove it 01:27:16.710 --> 01:27:18.550 Take this job and shove it 01:27:18.580 --> 01:27:21.950 I ain't working here no more 01:27:21.990 --> 01:27:24.350 A-a-ah a-a-a-a-ah 01:27:24.390 --> 01:27:27.220 I ain't working here no more 01:27:27.260 --> 01:27:29.160 Take this job and shove it 01:27:29.190 --> 01:27:32.560 I ain't working here no more 01:27:32.600 --> 01:27:36.690 Ay-ya ya-ya-ya, I ain't working here no more 01:27:36.730 --> 01:27:38.260 CANIBUS Just shove it 01:27:39.940 --> 01:27:42.770 BIZ MARKIE Canibus and the Biz 01:27:42.810 --> 01:27:45.210 Ah-aah aah-ah 01:27:45.240 --> 01:27:48.870 It's coming from Canibus and the Biz 01:27:50.680 --> 01:27:53.380 It's coming from Canibus and the Biz 01:27:54.520 --> 01:28:05.950 From, from Canibus and the Bi-i-i- 01:28:06.305 --> 01:29:06.205

Come, come! Please! Aziz. Aziz. Aziz, light! Aziz... light. Good. We start again. When the three planets are in eclipse... the black hole, like a door, is open. Evil comes... spreading terror and chaos. See the snake, Billy? The ultimate evil. - Make sure you get the snake. - Yes, I've got your snakes. I got all the snakes. When is the snake act supposed to occur? If this is the five... and this is the one... every 5,000 years. So, I've got some time then. You ing them water. Good boy. I'll take it to them. Go with God. Be safe from evil. You see here these different peoples, or symbols of people... gathering the four elements of life... water, fire, earth, air... around a fifth one. A fifth... element. Forgive me, Lord. They already know too much. Father. How are you? - Well. You have some glasses? - Of course. I'm so glad to see you. It's the most extraordinary thing. It's the greatest find in history. You must be parched. Oh, yes, yes. I'm sorry. It's like a battle plan. Here the good. Here the evil. And here, a weapon... against evil. I'm going to be famous. Then let us toast to your fame. To fame. Salute. You can't toast with water. Billy, in my sack, the grappa. This I don't understand. This could be something... prehistoric. I don't know. But, wait. Here. Look, look. They're here. This man... this perfect being. I know this is the key. I know it. This divine light they talk about. What is divine light? Aziz, light! Much better. Thank you. My Lord. Father, this is the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen. Don't you think? Are you German? Lord... I know he was about to discover everything. But, no worry. I was there in time. Priest... you and those before you... have served us well. But war is coming. Stones not safe on Earth anymore. This... is really amazing. The fifth element. Take the stones. My Lord... if you take the weapon, we'll be defenseless... when evil returns. In 300 years... when evil returns... so shall we. Oh, Professor. Professor. Don't move! I have a gun! Please, understand. They're our friends. Friends? Father, they've killed the Professor! They're monsters! I'll explain everything. - You're with them? - Look at me. I am your friend. - No, Father. - Billy, look at me! Please, put... the gun down. Billy, no! Hurry! The wall is closing! Here is your mission: Pass your knowledge to the next priest... as it was passed to you. I will do as you command, but... hurry, you still have time. Time not important. Only life... important. I will fulfill my mission! You can count on me! I will pass the knowledge until your return. Anything yet? - Not even a temperature? - The analyzers have jammed. One shows a million degrees, the others minus 5,000. Let's see it. It's taking shape. Send out a probe. Ladies and gentlemen... the President of the Federated Territories. On air with General Staedert in 30 seconds. I saved this seat for you, Father. President on the line. We're in position. I have to address the Supreme Council. Just the facts. There are no results from the chemical and molecular analysis yet. All the calibers are overshot. We're initiating thermonucleatic imaging. What you're saying is, you don't know what this is. All we know is, it just keeps getting bigger. Recommendation? My philosophy is shoot first and ask questions later. I don't like uninvited guests. All right, then. Mr. President? Priest Vito Cornelius, expert of astrophenomenon. I... have a different theory to offer you, sir. You have 20 seconds. Imagine that this... thing is not anything that can be identified... because it prefers not to be. Wherever there is life... it ings death... because it's evil. Absolute evil. One more reason to shoot first. Evil begets evil, Mr. President. Shooting will only make it stronger. Probe will obtain objective in five seconds. Growth rate is at 27. Your theory is interesting, but we don't have time to go into it. Time is of no importance. Only life is important. You're right. That's exactly what we'll do. We'll protect the life of 200 billion of my fellow citizens. You may fire when ready. Up-front loading of a 120-ZR missile. Marker lights on the objective. Its structure solidified on the surface. I think it's anticipating the attack. That denotes intelligence. The most... terrible intelligence imaginable. 120's loaded. The ship is in combat formation. Missiles are loaded. - Staedert. - Yes, sir. I have a doubt. I don't, Mr. President. What happened? Can you hear me? What happened? - Did you destroy it? - I'm about to. The planet has increased diameter by 200. It's moving toward the ship. What do we have that's bigger than 240? Nothing, sir. Staedert, do you hear me? Get out of there. I don't want an incident. Do you hear me? Get out of there. Can you hear me, Staedert? Do you understand? Listen. That's an order. Do you understand me? Do you hear me? Get out of there! Good God! Four a day. I'm tryin'. To quit is my goal. I'm up. All right, I'm up. God. Hey, dog ain, Finger here. Hi, sweetie. I love you too. You haven't called me that since basic training. I was talking to the cat. I forgot... you prefer your cat to the real thing. At least the cat comes back. Still pining for that two-timing slut? There's millions out there. I don't want a million. I just want one. The perfect one. It don't exist, Major. Yeah, I know. What? Picture of you. - How do I look? - Like shit. Must be an old picture. Bring me your hack for a six-month overhaul. - Negative. - A.S.A.P. I don't need one. Who sat next to you for 1,000 missions? I know how you drive. Finger, I drive a cab now... not a space fighter. Tell me. How many points you got left on your license? Major, how many points? At least 50. Know what? You gotta learn to lie better. See you tonight. Welcome to Paradise. Welcome to Fhloston Paradise. It's Ruby Rhod, and I'll tell you live at five... the winner of the super green Gemini Croquette Contest! The winner will go with me for two days to Fhloston Paradise. Tune in to Radio Cosmos. Don't watch all day. It'll rot your ain. For a perfect world. - Give me the cash. - Been here long? Long enough. Give me the cash. Is that a Z-140? Alleviated titanium. Neurocharged assault model. Good thing for me it's not loaded. It's not loaded? You have to... push that yellow button to load it. Take your time. Want me to-- There you go. Give me the cash! That's a very dangerous gun. Maybe you better let me hang on to this one for you. You don't mind, do you? You sure? No. Take it. I don't need it. That's a nice hat. You like it? God! Please enter your license. Yes, just a minute. Welcome, Mr. Dallas. Good morning. Sleep well? Me too. I had a horrible nightmare. Propulsion 2-X-4. You have five points left on your license. Yeah, thank you for reminding me. Have a nice day. Why not? You have 48 hours. That's the time it needs to adapt itself to our living conditions. - And then? - Then it will be too late. The goal of this thing is not to fight over money or power... but to exterminate life. All forms of life. You're telling me there's nothing that can stop this. There is only one thing. The Mondoshawan have in their possession the weapon to defeat evil. Four elements... gathered around a fifth... supreme being, the ultimate warrior... created to protect life. Together they produce The Light of Creation. Able to ing life to the farthest reaches of the universe. But, if... evil stands there... Then what? Then light turns to dark. Life to death... forever. A Mondoshawan spaceship requests permission to enter our territory. Give it permission to enter with our warmest regards. Thank you. Permission to enter granted. Show time. We are lost. Aknot, we are connected to Earth. Mr. Zorg's office. It's Aknot. I'm so glad to hear you, Aknot. The mission is accomplished. You'll have what you asked for in a few hours. Good. I'll meet you at my factory. The attack was by two unregistered warships. Close all borders and declare a state of general alert. Try to contact the Mondoshawans. We owe them an explanation. Three hundred years of waiting for nothing. Go get some rest. No. The Mondoshawan... I am their contact. They will come for me. This is government business. I'll keep you informed. The rescue team has reported from the crash site. Any survivors? Only one. You call that a survivor? A few cells still alive. More than I need. Have you identified it? The computer went off the charts. Normal human beings have 40 DNA memo groups... which is enough for any species to perpetuate. This has 200,000 memo groups. Sounds like a freak of nature. Yeah, can't wait to meet him. You okay? Over here. Excuse me. General, I want to show you something. This is a normal human DNA chain. You, me, anybody, right? Watch this. The compositional elements of his DNA chain are like ours. There's simply more of them, with infinite genetic knowledge. Almost like this being was engineered. Is there any danger? We put it through the cellular hygiene detector. The cell is, for lack of a better word... perfect. Go ahead. Mr. Perfect better be polite. Otherwise, I turn him into cat food. Activate it. Tissue processing. Ten seconds to ultraviolet protection. This is the last phase. The cells are bombarded by atoms which forces the body to react. That means growing skin. Wonderful. Reconstruction complete. Remove the shield. I told you. Perfect. Thermal bandages. I'd... like to take a few pictures... for the archives. - What's she saying? - I don't know. Activate the phonic detector. Is that thing solid? - Un eakable. - Good. If you want out... you'll have to develop those communication skills. General alert. Perfect. Ladder on 18. Two men with me. The rest in the main ventilation. This way. Lady, stay calm. This is the police. There's nowhere else to go. Slowly turn around and put your hands on the floor. Do you understand? She doesn't. I think we need a flying unit. This is the police. This is the police. We are processing your identification. Put your arms up and follow our instructions. She has no file. She dove off. You just had an accident. Yes, I know I just had an accident, you daffy bastard! You have one point left on your license. Look out! Left! I can't believe it. Shit. Any survivors? Hi. Are you okay? Boom. Boom. Yeah, I understand boom. Bada boom. Big. Big bada boom. Big... bada big boom. Big boom. Yeah, big bada boom. Bada boom. Big boom. Big bada boom. You're lucky you're not dead. This is a police control. Please keep your hands on the wheel. You have an unauthorized passenger in your vehicle. We are going to arrest her. Thank you for cooperating. Sorry, honey. Looks like this is your ride. Open the door. Do what they say. Sorry. Please... help. I only have one point left on my license. I need it to get back to the garage and get the cab a six-month overhaul. You understand? Can you please open the passenger door? Please... help. I can't. I repeat... open the passenger door. Yeah, yeah, sure. Why not? Thank you for your cooperation. Help. Finger's going to kill me. Emergency! Emergency! One point has been removed. Yes, I know! This is so stupid. Assist in pursuit of yellow cab. Unit 47, we're on the way... after we finish lunch. Two golden menus. I'm too old, too tired and too hungry to go chasing some hot rod. Thank you so much. And I'm definitely too thirsty. Look out! We got lucky. If they don't chase you after a mile, they don't chase you. Maybe two miles. Hang on. Look, lady... I only speak English and bad English! Run an ID. I'm all for conversation, but maybe you can just shut up for a minute! He's got a scan blocker. Means he's a car thief. Blast him. I don't know what you did... but they are pissed off! Hold on! We're safe for a while. You want to play soft? I'll play soft. You want to play hard? Let's play hard. If we get to the fog, we'll be okay. If we make the fog. How do they expect us to find anything in this shit? We're just going to wait here until things quiet down if you don't mind. Shit. You okay? Priest. You don't need a priest, just a doctor. Vito Cornelius. What? Priest. Yes? I'm looking for a priest. The weddings are downstairs, my son. Congratulations. She's not my ide. She's my fare. She's looking for Vito Cornelius. The phone book said he lived here. Yes, that's me, but I don't know who she is. Nobody does. No file, no ID, nothing. She's got a tattoo on this arm. Tattoo? Fifth... element. Finger's going to kill me. - Hey! Wake up! - Who are you? I ought the girl, remember? The redhead. She just dropped in on me. Started speaking a bizarre language. It's not bizarre. It's the divine language. It's the ancient language... spoken throughout the universe before time was time. He's a she. You noticed that. Yes. - It's a miracle. - Miracle she's not dead. Not a moment to lose. Wake her up. But gently, because this woman is... mankind's most precious possession. She is perfect. Perfect. More dignified. Hey, lady... wake up. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong to kiss you. He said to wake you gently. You're right. Just thought you might remember me from the cab. Remember? Bada boom? Big bada boom? Boom. Big bada boom. In the cab. Look. I drive a cab. This is me. Korben Dallas. Korben. You understand? Here. Take it. You can call me when you learn English. Just kidding. What is your name? You. Korben. Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat. Good. All that's your name? Do you have... a shorter name? Short. Korben Dallas. Leeloo. Leeloo. Korben, Leeloo. Leeloo, Korben. You're sure she's a Supreme Being? Absolutely sure. Old friends. Yeah, you're right. - Ask her for my gun back. - What's your name? Korben Dallas. Thank you for your help. You've been kind, but now the girl needs to rest. She's been on a long trip. I know. I was there when she landed. Wait, wait, Father. She said something I didn't understand. What does ekto gamat mean? Never without my permission. That's what I thought. I shouldn't have kissed her. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I forgot your food. How about some nice Thai food? Yeah, yeah, hold on. Buddy, I'm waiting all day here. - Finger. - Where's the cab? Car's running fine. Fine. What fine? I know you. Fine ain't in your vocabulary. You can tell your old buddy Finger what happened. What? You save the planet? You dinged the fender again. That's it, right? I was on my way to see you, and a fare fell in my lap. One of these big fares you can't resist. How big? Five-nine... blue eyes... long legs, great skin. You know? Perfect. I see. And this perfect fare, she got a name? Leeloo. What's she doing? Learning our history, the last 5,000 years that she missed. She's been asleep for a while. I know she's been through a lot, but we don't have much time. You're right. Chicken. Good. Chicken. I'm really sorry to interrupt you, but... the case... with the stones... where is it? Stolen? Who in God's name would do such a thing? Excuse me, sir. The council is worried about the economy heating up. Is it possible to fire 500,000? I thought from a smaller company, like one of the cab companies. Fire one million. But 500,000-- One million. Fine, sir. Sorry to have disturbed you. It's for the Supreme... Sorry. I didn't know your size, and I found you this makeup box. You just put it like that. Yes, there was a man with a limp... came here a month ago asking about the stones. Said he was an art dealer. What was his name? I'm bad with names. - They really make her-- - Perfect, I know. What'd she say? She says she knows exactly where they are. My dear Aknot, how about those two planes you borrowed? Aknot, is that you? What an ugly face. It doesn't suit you. Take it off. That's better. Never be ashamed of who you are. You're warriors. Be proud. So what if the federal government scattered you to the wind. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Your time for revenge is at hand. The ZF-1. It's light. The handle's adjustable for easy carrying. Breaks down into four parts, undetectable by X-ray. Discreet. A word on fire power: Titanium recharger, 3,000-round clip, with bursts of 3 to 300. With the replay button, a Zorg invention, it's even easier. One shot... and replay sends every following shot to the same location. And to finish the job, all the Zorg oldies but goldies. Rocket launcher. Arrow launcher... with exploding or poisonous heads. Very practical. Net launcher. The flamethrower. My favorite. And for the grand finale... the new Ice Cube System. Four full crates... delivered right on time. And what about you, dear Aknot? Did you ing what I asked? Yes. Magnificent. This-- This case is empty. Empty? Empty... the opposite of full. This case is supposed to be full! Anyone care to explain? The Guardians gave the stones to someone they could trust. Who took another route. She's supposed to contact this person... in a hotel. And she's looking for the address. Easy. Dot. It's Planet Fhloston, in the Angel Constellation. We're saved. I'm screwed. You asked for a case. We ought one. A case with four stones in it! Not one or two or three, but four! Four stones! But what the hell am I supposed to do with an empty case? We are warriors, not merchants. But you can still count! Look at my fingers. Four stones, four crates. Zero stones, zero crates! Pack everything up! We're out of here! We risked our lives. I believe a little compensation is in order. So you are merchants after all. Leave him one crate for the cause. I don't like warriors. Narrow-minded, no subtlety... and they fight for hopeless causes, honor. Honor's killed millions of people. Hasn't saved a single one. I'll tell you what I do like: a killer. A dyed-in-the-wool killer, cold-blooded, clean and methodical. A real killer picking up the ZF-1... would've asked about the red button on the bottom of the gun. Bring me the priest. I got everything we need to know about Fhloston Paradise... and a blueprint of the hotel. Good work, my son. Now to find a way there. It won't be easy. There's a charity ball tomorrow. Flights are full, and the hotel will be guarded. There must be a way. I'll get it. Weddings? Not really. - Mr. Zorg would like to talk to you. - Who? Mr. Zorg. Jean-Baptiste... Emmanuel... Zorg. It's nice to see you again, Father. I remember you now. The so-called art dealer. I'm glad you got your memory back. Because you'll need it. Where are the stones? I don't know. If I did, I wouldn't tell someone like you. Why? What's wrong with me? I try to serve life. But you only... want to destroy it. Father... you're so wrong. Let me explain. Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction and chaos. Take this empty glass. Here it is, peaceful... boring. But if it is... destroyed. Look at all these little things. So busy now. Notice how each is useful. What a lovely ballet ensues... so full of form and color. Now think of all those people that created them. Technicians, engineers. People who can feed their children tonight... so those children can grow up and have children... and so on. Thus adding to the great chain... of life. Water. Fruit. You see, Father, by creating a little destruction... I'm encouraging life. In reality, you and I are in the same business. Cheers. Where's the robot to pat you on the back? Or the engineer? Or their children, maybe? There, you see how all your so-called power counts for nothing? How your entire empire of destruction comes... crashing down... all because of one, little... cherry. You saved my life... and in return, I'll spare yours... for now. You're a monster, Zorg. I know. Torture who you have to, the President, I don't care. Just ing me the stones. You have one hour. It's gobbling up all the satellites in the galaxy. Why is it eating up all the satellites? We're working on it. The Mondoshawan deplore the incident but accept our apologies. And the stones? Did you find them? They weren't on board. What? The Mondoshawan never fully trusted the human race. They gave them to someone they do trust. Her name is Plavalaguna. She's a diva. She's singing at a charity ball in Fhloston Paradise. She has the stones. The Mondoshawans will help. We must send someone... to get the stones. Excellent. I want this operation to be as discreet as possible. No troops. No big operation. I want your best man to go undercover. I have the perfect one. You've got a message. Not opening it? Could be important. Like the last two were important. First one was from my wife telling me she's leaving. The second was from my lawyer telling me he was leaving with my wife. That is bad luck. Grandfather say... It never rain everyday. This is good news, guaranteed. I bet you lunch. Okay. Come on. You are fired. Oh, I'm sorry. At least I won lunch. Good philosophy. See good in bad. I like. - Hello. - Korben, sweetheart. You got oken fingers? You can't punch my number? Hi, Mom. Seventeen messages. Don't say your machine is oken again. They last 1,000 years. Mr. Kim, you should go. This'll take a minute. You don't feed your cat a croquette, who you love more than me. She didn't east-feed you. I did. Good fortune for you. You don't have a girl. I'll never be a grandmother. It ing you good luck! My body's failing. Take me on this trip. What are you talking about? You want to make me beg? No, all I want is an explanation. I just got in. I just smashed my cab. I lost my job. I got mugged. Besides that, everything's peachy. Thanks for asking. Now settle down and explain this to me. You don't know you won a trip... to Fhloston Paradise for two for ten days? I suppose you'll just leave me on the lunar surface? If I'd won a trip, I'd know. I would've been notified. They've been blaring your name out on the radio for an hour. I'll call you back. General, how nice to see you in the 5000 block. Nice apartment. You've settled into a wonderful life. Heard you lost your job. You heard that? Don't worry. I'll get another job. Don't bother. We have one for you. Major Dallas... you've been selected for a mission. - What mission? - To save the world. You leave for Fhloston Paradise. Get four stones from the diva Plavalaguna and ing them back. Any questions? Why me? I retired six months ago. Remember? Three reasons. As a member of the Elite Special Forces Unit... you are an expert in the use of all necessary weapons and spacecraft. You're the most highly decorated member of your unit. The third? Of all the members of your unit, you're the only one left alive. Check your messages? I've had enough good news. Might be important. You're a winner! You've won the Gemini Contest and a trip to Fhloston Paradise for two. Here are your tickets. You rigged the contest? Congratulations. You couldn't be more discreet? Old tricks are the best tricks. Major Iceborg will accompany you as your wife. I am not going. Why not? Excuse me, General. Who is it? Who is it? My wife. You remarried? Yes... no. I just met this girl, but I'm going to marry her. I love her, but she hates the military. She knows the military ruined my last marriage. She can't have anything to do with it. If she sees you, she'll kill me. - Major-- - You gotta hide somewhere. You've gotta help me. We'd love to, but where can we hide? We don't have time for this. It's just for one minute. You have no idea how much you're helping me. No idea-- You have no idea. - I'm going to be happily married. - Major! Major! - The three of us won't fit. - Sure you will. Major! You're on my foot. Major! Major! I'm really sorry to resort to this, Mr. Wallace-- Dallas. We heard about your good luck and need your tickets for Fhloston. Is this the way priests vacation? We're on a mission. What kind? We have to save the world, my son. You're gonna save the world? Yes! Down there. Down there. This is a police control. This is not an exercise. Come on, get in. For one minute, all right? Just stay here for one minute. - This is a police control. - Don't touch anything. This is not an exercise. Can you please spread your legs... and place your hands in the yellow circles. - What are you doing? - Saving you so you can save the world. Yeah, but I-- I think this is the door. No name, no number. Let's see it. Are you classified as human? Negative. I am a meat Popsicle. I found him. Mr. Korben Dallas? Sir, can you put your hands in the yellow circles, please? Smoke you! Wrong answer. The police control is now terminated. Thank you for your cooperation. Have a nice day. We got the guy. Wasn't easy but we bagged him. - Thanks for the tip. - Glad to be of help, my friend. The guy's been arrested for uranium smuggling. All I have to do now is go to the airport, take his place... and I'll be in Fhloston in four hours. Don't come back without the stones. We got Korben Dallas. Perfect. Akanit, take command. Go to Fhloston and get the stones. If Zorg really wants them... he'll have to negotiate. Revenge is at hand. Oh, I am so sorry. I forgot about the autowash. There's an autowash in that shower. I'm so sorry. Autowash. Autowash, yes. Autowash, in the shower. It's funny. I've met you twice today. Both times you've ended up in my arms. It's my lucky day. Lucky day. Did you hear something? Cornelius. Autowash. - I'm so sorry. - I don't need your help. - Want a cup of coffee? - Yes, please. Autowash. Coffee's not my specialty. But you must drink a lot of coffee being a priest. I know. I'm not proud of what I did. I had no choice. I'll take the mission. - Did you get them? - Yeah. Good. - Leeloo Dallas. - Multi-pass. Korben David Dallas. Perfect. I can't be your husband. I'm too old. Now David is... in great shape. he'll protect you. Now, please, go to the Diva, collect the stones and meet me at the temple. Now. Yes. Okay. Last call for Fhloston Paradise. Hurry. The tickets. - ID, please. - I'm sorry. - There. - In here? Mr. Dallas? Congratulations on the contest. Oh, right. Okay. - Sorry for the mess. - The mess? The garbage. Made it! I was afraid I wouldn't make it... so I sent David to pick up my boarding pass. Now David must go. Thank you. Bye. I am Korben Dallas. Please report infractions immediately to the spaceport. And this is? Leeloo Dallas. Multi-pass. Multi-pass. She knows it's a multi-pass. My wife. We're newlyweds. Just met. Bump into each other, sparks happen-- She knows. Anyway, we're in love. I mean, I know she's made to be strong. She's also so fragile, so human. You know what I mean? - You want more? - Yeah. Make that two. - Where's Leeloo? - On the plane with Mr. Dallas. What! I didn't know what to do. But this is not possible. This is not possible. You want some more? This is all my fault. It is my mission. I shouldn't have given it to you. I know. - The key to the temple. - Oh, no. Prepare for our arrival. I go to face my destiny. I don't want to go to Egypt. Dallas? Korben Dallas? That's me. Just a minute, please. It will just take one more minute. We'll be right back. Mr. Dallas... we really need you now. Ruby Rhod is oadcasting live and needs to interview you. Multi-pass. Tell Aknot that plan A flopped. Go to plan B. Aliens ahead. Spread out. Backup unit, zone 18. Ruby Rhod is the biggest radio star. It's an honor to be on his talk show. He's so green. I'm sure you're excited. I'm on vacation and don't want to be bothered. I prefer to remain anonymous. Korben Dallas! Here he is! The winner of the Gemini Croquette Contest. This boy is fuelled like fire, so start melting, ladies... 'cause he is hotter than hot. He's hot, hot, hot! The right size, the right build, the right hair, the right on. Right on. And he's got something to say... to those 50 billion pairs of ears out there. Pop it, D-man. Hi. Unbelievable. Quiver, ladies. He's going to set the world on fire. Right here from five to seven. You'll know everything there is to know about the D-man. His dreams... his desires... his most intimates of intimates. And from what I'm looking at, intimate is his middle name. So tell me, my man... you nervous in the service? Not really. Freeze those knees 'cause Korben's in the place and he's on the case. Yesterday's frog will be tomorrow's Prince... of Fhloston Paradise! The hotel of a thousand and one follies and lollies. A magic fountain flowing with nonstop wine, women and... hootchie-kootchie-koo... all night long. All night long All night Start licking stamps, girls, because he'll have you writing home to Mama. Here from five to seven, I'll be your voice, your tongue. On the trail of the sexiest man of the year: D-man, your man... my man. End of transmission. See you tomorrow at five. How was it? It was just absolutely green. Green like what? Crystal green. Any kind of green you want... tree green, emerald, pond green. Korben, sweetheart, what was that? It was bad! It had nothing! No fire! No energy! I have a show to run here. It must pop, pop, pop! So tomorrow, from five to seven... please act like you have more than a two-word vocabulary. It must be green! Okay? Okay? Can I talk to you for a second? Just talk to you? I didn't come here to play Pumba on the radio. Tomorrow, from five to seven, you'll give yourself a hand. Green? Super green. Dallas? Korben Dallas? That's me. I only have one Korben Dallas on my list, and he's checked in. That's impossible. I am Korben Dallas. Sorry, sir. Boarding is finished. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I need to talk to someone! I don't believe this! This is not an exercise. This is a police control. I'm sorry. I'm calm. There's been a mistake. There's been a mistake. To make your flight short... flight attendants are switching on the sleep regulator... which will regulate your sleeping during the flight. Thank you. Hi. - You speak English. - Yes. I learn. Good. We are not on vacation. I'm on an important mission. I work for some important people. If I hadn't come to get you, you'd be in trouble. Understand? Yes. But you, no trouble. Me, Fifth Element. Supreme Being. Me protect you. Sleep. Sweet dreams, Mr. Dallas. Sleep regulator operative in zone one. Thank you. Are you operative? Zone two? Everything's ready, Captain. What? Assume your individual position. But I want all positions! Mr. Rhod-- Parasites in landing gear. Ground, copy? Got it. Front gear. Hey, man, give me some heat, man! We need some heat here! Get some heat! Some heat over here, man! Good shit, man. Put the heat over here! Thank you! Thank you very much! Come, come. Give me this. Give me this. Take that. Mr. Rhod! You can call me Ruby. Fueled and ready to go. I'll buy you one. Taken off already? I'm not on the plane. What? The real Dallas took my place. I don't understand. Are you making fun of me? No, no, no! I swear! I swear! I never felt this way before with a human. Really? I've tried everything. There's no way to get on the plane. Ground is clear. Ready for liftoff? Confirmed. Not there. No, please, not there. Please, not there. - Power pressure? - Primed. - Protection? - Confirmed. Power increase. Ten seconds. I am... a little... disappointed. 5... If there is one thing I do not like... 3... it is to be... 2... disappointed. 1... Sorry, it will never happen again. I know. Liftoff. - Landing gear secure. - Checklist for light speed. We're finally getting something. It's sending radio wavelengths. What does it want with radio waves? Maybe it wants to make a call. Zorg's office. I told you I did not want to be disturbed. You don't want to be disturbed except if it's Mr. Shadow... and Mr. Shadow's on the line. It's Shadow again. Zorg here. Am I disturbing you? No, no, I was just-- Where are you? Not far now. Good. Good, good. How are the stones? Fine. Fine. Just fine. I'll have the four stones you asked for any time now... but it wasn't easy. My costs have tripled. Money is of no... importance. I... want... the stones. The stones... will be here. I'll see to it personally. I will be among you... soon. We lost it. We lost the signal. Damn! We've begun our descent toward Fhloston Paradise. The local time is 3:20 p.m. Auto-temperature is currently 85 degrees Fahrenheit. We hope you enjoyed your flight and hope to see you again soon. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to paradise. Excuse me, dear. Excuse me. Excuse me, please. Parasites in the main ventilation. Again? I'll get it. Have we arrived yet? Oh, good. We have twelve swimming pools and two on the rooftop. All the restaurants are between levels two and ten. The planet Fhloston has 400 beaches, all accessible until 5 p.m... then the airship goes higher... to offer you a better view. Is the Diva here? Not yet. Any tickets left for the opera? You have a seat reserved, front row... next to Ruby Rhod! He's so talented. I love him. He's so sexy. He has your ticket, and he'll be here in 20 minutes. Where can I get something to wear? - Enjoy your evening, Mr. Dallas. - Thank you. You miserable bastard, I never should've pushed you out. I was in labor for days, and this is how you repay me? I should've gotten a robot. Come on, Ma. I should be there, not you. I need a tan. I need a cocktail. Get the case in. Hello, Ms. Diva. I'm Fog. Welcome to the-- I'm security. Welcome to the-- Tall. - Can I talk to you? - Sure. Yeah. - What's your name? - Fog. Ms. Plavalaguna is glad that you are here. She'll give you what you've come to get after the concert. Stay here. You're listening to Radio Cosmos. It is 5 p.m. Helm to 108. Helm 108! Helm to 108. Time to join Ruby Rhod... and Korben Dallas, the lucky winner... of the Gemini Croquette contest. Coming at you live from Fhloston... Paradise! Ruby Rhod at your service with Korben and the manager of this hotel... and Miss Gemini Croquette in person... and 8,000 other lucksters here... to enjoy the privilege of the unique concert of Miss Plavalaguna! Now we enter what must be... the most beautiful concert hall of all the universe! A perfect replica of an old opera house... but who cares? To my right, a row of ministers, more sinisters than ministers. To my left, Baby Ray, star of stage and screen. He's not going to get much out of this concert. He's stone-deaf! To who? And here we have Roy Von Baker, king of laser ball. The Emperor of Kodar Japhet and his lovely daughter. I love to sing, she recently confessed to me. By the way, I have a recording of her talented voice. I'll play the rest after the concert. Now it's time... for Korben to say the word of the day. Tell me, my man, you happy here in the big world? Thrilled. And now... champagne! Commercial! Commercial! Break for 30 seconds. Show time. I have a ship in trouble requesting permission to dock. Put him in the docking garage. Inform security. - Permission granted for one hour. - More than I need. Champagne for the Diva. I'll take it. I found it. Get her! It was an ambush. If it's war they want... it's war they'll get! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! My compliments, little lady. Thank you for doing the dirty work. I couldn't have done a better job myself. Hand over the stones. Nobody move! I'm taking over the ship! Hands up! I know this music. Let's change the beat. I think we're being attacked. They're everywhere. I see one of them. They're warriors, and they're ugly. They got big teeth, and they got big foreheads, and they stink. Mangalores. The government sent me to help you. If somebody hears this, come and get me. I'm in the first row. You must give her the stones. Who? The Fifth Element. The Supreme Being sent to Earth to save the universe. Leeloo? But she's more fragile than she seems. She needs your help... and your love... or... she will die. Stay with me. Help! If you want something done... do it yourself. Come on, honey. You can't die. Wake up! Where are the stones? Where are the stones? The stones. They're not here. The stones, where are they? In me. What? Oh, my God, Korben. Korben, another one coming. - I think we should go. - One minute. One minute. Hey, you! I said you. - I'm not with him. - Where's the other? I said, one minute. Ruby, hold this gun. What do you want me to do? Come on. Put your hand on it. - What do I do? - If he moves, squeeze the trigger. I don't feel right. - I don't feel right. - The stones are in me. I got a headache. This ain't me. Sorry. Think he'll be okay? Oh, my God, Korben. Another one coming. Shit. Three coming. You guard this with your life... or you'll look like him. You green? Green. Super green? Is that your idea of a discreet operation? Don't worry. I know my man. He'll calm things down. Move! Move! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen... this is amazing. Let me do it. Oh, my God. Korben Dallas, my man, is in trouble. The gun! Give me the gun. I'm going to go... and try to see if I can see something a little closer. Yes, the gun. Yeah. Thanks, Ray. Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I'm not armed! Get up! You've got the wrong guy! Don't shoot! I'm not armed. Oh, my God. I'm on vacation. Don't shoot me, please. I'm on a vacation. I won a... contest. Gemini Croquette's to... Fhloston Paradise. Down. Wait a minute. Get down! He's trying to say something. Down! Sorry, my man. Where are you? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They're coming. They're coming. Don't move. What you doing? Count to ten. - Was that a bomb? - Shut up and count! 3! 4! 5! 6... 7, 8... 9... 10. I am... very disappointed. Korben, what are you looking for? Control room. - This is it. - I'll be here. Let's go. Quiet! Quiet! You in charge? How many are out there? - I don't know. - Let's count. Seven on the left. Five on the right. Four on the right. Two on the left. Find the leader. They won't fight without the leader. One more shot and we start killing hostages. That's the leader. Send someone to negotiate. I've never negotiated. You mind if I try? We're sending somebody to negotiate. Anybody else want to negotiate? Where did he learn to negotiate like that? I wonder. Where's Ruby? I thought he was dead. Master! It was nothing, really. Just a helping hand. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ruby Rhod... still alive. What's wrong with you? It hurt! I realize that you must be pretty mad at me... but I'm fighting for a noble cause. Yes, you're trying to save the world. I remember. Right now, I'm trying to save Leeloo. Leeloo's in trouble? When is Leeloo not in trouble? - Where's that? - The Diva's suite. Hang on. Here, come on. How do you get yourself into these positions? Come on. I'm here. It's all right. Everything's okay now. Listen. I got the stones. Just take it easy, all right? My man, my man, what's this thing with all these numbers? If it was a bomb... the alarms would go off because all these hotels have bomb detectors. This is a type A alert. For security reasons, the hotel must be evacuated. Proceed calmly to the lifeboats... Stay calm! ...located in the main hallways. Stay calm! You know how to stop this, right? Two minutes to complete evacuation. Get back! Evacuation! Evacuation! Sorry, you can't stay here. There's a bomb in the hotel. I know. I don't want to die. Please, my son. Get in. One minute to total evacuation. This one. 45 seconds. Get her strapped in. You know how to fly this? Like driving a cab. How will we get out the door? 15 seconds. 10... 9, 8... 7... 6... 5. For the honor. Hold on. Like driving a cab. It is now 7 p.m., time for the news. See you tomorrow for a new adventure. End of transmission. That's the best show I ever did. Major Dallas has the five elements on board... and the priest is guiding them to the temple. We're saved. The Diva said I should take care of you. Humans act so strange. What do you mean? Everything you created... is used to destroy. We call it human nature. You learn that on your screen? I'm not finished yet. I'm up to V. V is good. Some good words in V. Like what? Valiant. Vulnerable. Very beautiful. Oh, of course, Munro! Mr. President? Now what? We have a problem. It's advancing? It's not only advancing, it's moving at incredible speed. And do you have any idea where it's heading? Korben, there's a general on the phone. I'll give you the President. Major Dallas, I first would like to salute a warrior. You're a shining example of this army. In the name of the Federation-- Any idea when you'll get to the point? A ball of fire 1,200 miles in diameter heading straight for earth... and we have no idea how to stop it. That's the problem. How much time do we have? If its speed remains constant, in an hour and 57 minutes. I'll call you back in two hours. Hello? They just landed in the desert. Good job, David. - Put her in the center. - Where? Here? You got it figured out, Father? This one should be fire. - You know how this works? - Theoretically. The four stones should go around. The Fifth Element should be in the middle... and then the weapon against evil should work. You've never seen this work? Give me that. Every weapon has a manual. I'm sure this has one too. That's it. That's it. Match up the symbols. Go! Go! Wind. My man, what you doing? - What? - What you doing? Trying to keep you in the D.J. business. Fire. Done. What happens? So, now, we have to open them. And you know how to do that. Right? Theoretically... No. Leeloo, honey, wake up. You have to help us. How do you open the stones? Wind blows. Fire burns. Yes, I know all that. But how do you open these stones? Rain... falls. What does it mean? I think that-- Maybe it's a charade. A game or something. If we don't get these stones open in five minutes, we're dead. - Dead? - Yes, dead. Too late. We've lost contact with them. Three minutes. I think mine is oken. Why I gotta get the oke one? We're never gonna make it. It moved. - Show me what you did. - Nothing. Shut up, shut up! Show me what you did, step-by-step. - I was standing here. - Quickly. I put my hands on the top like this, and I said... We're not going to make it. And that's it? Korben, my man. Wind. She said, Wind blows. Everyone take a stone. Water for water. Fire for fire. Earth for Earth. Go! Earth. Open the other one. Korben, my man, I have no fire. I have no matches. Do you have any? I stopped smoking. Father, you smoke? Got some matches? We need some fire. We're going to die. Don't eathe. Fire. One minute. Let's go, Leeloo. Wake up. Wake up. It's time for you to work now. Protect life... until death. Listen to me! Listen to me. Listen, I know you're very tired. I'll take you on vacation. A real vacation, just you and me. But if you don't do something right now... we'll all die. What's the use of saving life when you see what you do with it? It'll enter the atmosphere in 40 seconds. You're right. You're right. There are some things... very nice things worth saving; beautiful things. Beautiful things. Like love? Yes, love. That's good. That's good. That's a good example. Love is worth saving. I don't know love. I don't know love. I was built to protect, not love. So there's no use for me other than this. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. I need you. I need you, very much. Why? Because... because... Tell her, Korben. Tell me. Please. Why you need me? Because... Tell me. - Tell me. - Because I-- Because I love you. I love you. 10... 9... 8... 7... 6, 5... 4, 3... 2... 1. Scanner imaging has confirmed the dark planet dead. The planet seems to have stopped at 62 miles from impact. What's wrong? What you screaming for? Every five minutes it's a bomb or something. I'm leaving. Mr. President. Let me introduce Professor Mactilburgh who runs the center. It's an honor, Mr. President. Where are my two heroes? They were so tired from their ordeal, we put them in the reactor. I have 19 meetings after this. Let me see if they're revived. Thank you. We go live in one minute. They're... not ready. They need... five more minutes. You have 20 seconds. No, ma'am, I tried. No, ma'am. Who's that? Some woman. Claims to be Korben's mother. Give it here. Mrs. Dallas, this is the President. On behalf of the Federation-- That doesn't even sound like him. The President's an idiot. You don't sound like an idiot. If you don't want to talk to your mother... just avoid me as usual. I'll throw myself in traffic. I'll Saran Wrap myself to the bed.

THIS IS NOT THE TALE OF IMPRESSIVE DEEDS IS A PIECE OF TWO LIVES TAKEN IN A MOMENT WHEN THEY WERE CRUISING TOGETHER ALONG A GIVEN PATH WITH THE SAME IDENTITY OF ASPIRATIONS AND DREAMS Ernesto Guevara de la Serna, 1952 The To travel 8 thousand kilometers in four months The method: Improvisation Explore the Latin American continent that we only know by books motorcycle diaries Good Night Granado La Poderosa (The Powerful) A '39 Norton 500 that's battered and leaks The Alberto Granado A chubby friend, 29 years old and biochemist self proclaimed scientific vagabond The Pilot's dream: crown the trip with he's 30th birthday That would be me Ernesto Guevara de la Serna El Fuser, 23 years old - Ernesto is going away? - No, Ernesto stays Ernesto, could you takes us with you, please Look dad, I'm sorry, but no matter how many times you tell me... Please Ernesto, you are only 3 assignments away from your MD title And that can wait MD student Leprosy specialist Amateur Rugby player Hey Fuser...nice Fuser! And occasionally, asthmatic Departure date... January 4th The route: from Buenos Aires to Patagonia and then Chile then to the north up to 6 thousand meters by the spine of the Andes to Machu Picchu From there, to the lepers home of San Pablo in the Peruvian amazonia Final the Peninsula of Guajira in Venezuela at the north point of the continent We settle at the Peninsula of Guajira, the point of this great continent Mouths full of wine, nice music That beer is good, ah? - Fuser, on January 4th, you should be done with all your exams, right? - Yes - If you want, i can make a detour to Miramar to visit your little girlfriend - little girlfriend A couple of days - Look Fuser, look at that guy over there - What? Do you want your life to be like that? You don't want your life to be like that, Fuser What you want is to fuck in every country in South America Hey boy...and in every town if we are lucky enough That's and extra ingredient, right What we had in common: our restlessness, our dreaming spirit and the untiring love for the route BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA January 4th, 1952 Km 0 Let's go Ernestito, we don't have the whole day - Isn't it too much Granado? - Not enough chief. Norton 500, this is a motorcycle Your son is in good wheels, don't worry You should expect some difficult times son But the truth is that i always dreamed of doing something like this And i have to confess that if i had a couple less years on me... I would jump right along with you on that motorcycle Try to think that i do it for the both of us - 10 years planning this trip, uncle - Since you were a kid Meanwhile...I trust you eh? And the revolution uncle, for when? Here? In a century - Are you already leaving? - Yes, I’m off You should only worry about taking your medicines, nothing more, ok? And writing me... The most beautiful letters you have ever read mom - Bye, my love - You'll see. Bye. I love you Bye Bye little sister, take care Bye man Send me postcards Ok, stop it or I’ll start crying. Please Take care, ok? Just like Don Quixote had Rocinante and Saint Martin had his mule We have La Poderosa - Yeah, that pisses oil - Yes, pisses oil, but what I’m trying to say is that in this precise moment The young Fuser and myself are embarking in a trip to the most remote places of the human spirit where we will meet new lands, listen to new anthems, eat new fruits... Granado...I’m making you responsible. If something happens to Ernesto I’ll find you. Put on the handkerchief darling Don't worry mam, he will come back to become the doctor we all want him to be It better be Ok, is time to leave! Animal! Careful with that bike! Dear mom...Buenos Aires is behind us behind is as also the miserable life the faculty, the exams and the dissertations that make you sleepy Before us lies all of Latin America From now on we will only trust in La Poderosa I wish you could see us. We look like adventurers and inspire admiration and envy everywhere Go Mial. Assume aerodynamic road position C'mon baby, don't fail me baby. C'mon, c'mon What happened Mial?! I'm glad to have left behind civilization, and be closer to the earth Wait, something is coming out...something is coming out Fuser, are you alright? What happened puppy? Are you alright? - What the fuck is that? - What the fuck does it look like? - A fucking dog?! - Oh fuck, you are a shitty driver... What the fuck is that dog doing on the bike? Is for Chichina and his name is Kamba Pick up the bike. Miramar, Argentina January 13th, 1952 Km 601 Where the fuck are we? Switzerland? - Good morning - Good morning - Chichina? - She's inside with the rest of the family That bike is giving you problems, uh? Esteban, please tell us about your trip It was great Don Horacio, i had the opportunity to take a seminar in Cam idge and stay a couple of weeks in London, a fascinating city - What a privilege! - Yes it was - Esteban is getting his PhD soon, right? - Yes - Medicine? - No, Law Ah, law Sorry. 1, 2, 3, 4 Is your turn, come I never saw a pig who wanted to dance, never. C'mon Knock it off! - With this hand...back...side - What are you laughing at? - I'm laughing at you. Tonight? My dad ask aunt Roxanna not to take her eyes off of me My mom promised the Lady of the Valley that she would walk to her sanctuary if we oke up And your parents can't see that the more they bury the diamonds, the more decided is the pirate to steal them? Believe me, this diamond wouldn't mind being stolen Dance Look Let me see your bathroom - Good night - Good night ladies Aunt Roxanna, which room is mine? Get away Kamba! - How many days did you say we were staying here? - You already know - Two - And how many days have we been here? - If you become a Doctor, will you operate with wire too? - Six days, Fuser Someone will see us If you'd stay we could do many things, Ernesto, but only if you'd stay I didn't like the sound of that - What do you want me to say? That I’m going to wait for you? - I told you I’m coming back - Yes, i have the dog as proof - You didn't like it? What do you want Ernesto, what do you want to hear? That I’m going to wait forever, that I’ll wait for months and months till you come back? - What's going on? - What do you want? What do you want? I'd like you to stay like this forever. Quiet. I want to look at you, cause I’m not going to see you for a long time Of course I’m going to wait for you, but please don't take an eternity - And how long is an eternity? - That's slippery ground mister I'm not going to touch you Did i hit you? Did i hurt you? Did i hurt you? That was a trick, a very bad trick Ok lovebirds...is time to leave. Fuser Miss Ferreira... Thanks for everything I used to listen the bare feet splashing in the ship And had a feeling of the faces darkened by hunger My heart was a pendulum between her and the street I don't know with what strength i freed myself from her eyes, I oke away from her arms She was left clouding with tears her anguish Behind the rain and the glass - Lorca eh? - No - Neruda - No - Who? - I don't remember - Good bye - Bye Wait, wait. The snot is... And so...with Chichina, nothing... Not even after giving her the German shepherd with pedigree...nothing I mean, at least you saw a tit...one Ahhh....You saw her tits, Ernesto Scalpel, Scalpel North American Dollars? - Fifteen - Chichina? - Yes I like that girl for you, i always said that she was your girlfriend. We will eat better now - No... - Protein food No, she gave me this money for when we get to the US. She asked me to buy her some pants. I told her i would - What? - Forget about this money. It is out of our budget. - Fucking moron, he is testing me... - Che are you talking to the bike again Listen to me man, what is wrong with your head? That chick's got you by the balls. Calm down - Good evening - Hi Piedra de Águila, Argentina January 29th, 1952 Km 1809 - How do you feel the bike? - The wire is making wonders, it works great - Son of a bitch...fuck Are you alright Fuser? It was the curve Son of a... Look at the pipe... son of a bitch! Pass the stakes, I’m all out Wait, wait, don't fuck with me - You had to choose this place, you idiot... - No you chose this place Hold that side - No...fuck - Son of a... - The river is taking it - Grab it, grab it It took it - Che and what if we go there? - We should ask for help over here, with the common people - Which one are we doing? The oken headlight? - No, Red October. You have the experience right? Good Night What do you want Maybe our appearance doesn't show it, but we are doctors from Buenos Aires and Córdoba, respectively We are traveling all over the country, doing some research with hopes of curing some of the worst diseases of the 20th century Plagues that not only consume our energy but that also keeps Argentina in need When by just reading the medical literature, you could notice, just as us... What the fuck do you want, pair of bums? Look sir, the wind took our tent, we are starving and we need a place to spend the night Ok, out there in the shed there's a good ground. You can sleep with the workers - We are doctors... - Hmm...i like your face a lot, but i don't like yours fatty - Fine? - Yes, its fine - Thank you. Dear Mom...we are still hitting the road, but to tell you the truth, the bike is less powerful every day San Martín de los Andes, Argentina January 31st, 1952 Km 2051 Money and food are scarce, but we manage to find opportunities to eat and sleep for free Thanks to our secret weapon: Alberto's infallible sweet talking ...plagues that not only consume our energy but compromise the modernization of Argentina - So, you are doctors - Well, no. Alberto is a biochemist and I am an MD student - He is practically graduated, we are like doctors - Then i would appreciate it if you could look at a swelling i have in the neck - Gladly, eh...Mr.? Von Puttkamer Does it hurt? - This is a tumor - What do you mean a tumor? - Yes - Do you think so - Yes - Allow me I don't know Fuser, fat sedimentation it could be a cyst No. It is a tumor in the occipital area - Schatzie, these gentlemen say i have a tumor - Tumor? Good morning mam, i sincerely don't believe it is a tumor but a sebaceous cyst If you could give us a place where we could eat and sleep we might be able to treat it No, no look...we can't treat it. You will have to go to Buenos Aires. I can recommend you a specialist - Or we could try to help him, don't you think? - Help with what? With the grass, with prayers? - I understand, you can't do anything for me - Yes we can, if you give us a place where we could eat and sleep. - Around here there's a lake with lots of fish and a shed - Sir, the diagnostic is very... - We have nothing more to talk about, doctors. Let's go Schatzie - The next time could you try to help us a little - Of course i can give you a hand, but never at the price of the health of a man - Ok, let's say that you are right and the old guy has a tumor, how the fuck do you tell him like that? Is the truth, if he can't handle it he can go to hell - You can't treat a patient like that, you can't - The guy has a serious problem, the sooner he looks into it the better That's the proper treatment, didn't they teach you that at biochemistry school? Don't talk to me about proper medicine Nurse. First graduate and then talk. You think you know everything, moron I'm going to look for food Duck! duck! duck!. Give me gun, move it! move it! Son of a... Great Mial... I hit it, man - How did you do it? - I can't fucking believe it... Well, there's no other choice but to get in the water and pick up dinner, no? Fuser, to the water to get the food! You are really crazy if you think I’m going to get in there. Do you know how cold is that water? Yes, i know you are allergic to cold, water, hot and all that but you know what, i am older, wiser and i shot the duck, so you have to go - That shot came out of your ass, besides i have asthma - Ok, you are right. If you can't I’ll do it - I didn't say i couldn't - You can't or you don't want to - I didn't say that i couldn't Or you don't want to and that is the same. Or you could give me Chichina's fifteen bucks... ...and we eat as God intended, c'mon. - Look if i get to find that fucking duck, I’ll eat it all by myself - Ah! in the water, in the water, duck. - I'm going to get my balls frozen - For the use you give them, Fuser... Good Fuser, good... ing on that duck with potatoes. Is it cold Fuser? Hey! cold? Not over here. Duck - Are you feeling sick? - No, I’m just perfect Bariloche Train Station, Argentina 3 days later Km 2270 Easy Fuser... Fuser, listen to me. Give me Chichina's fifteen dollars and let's go to a hospital like the people If you say that to me again, I’ll throw up all over you. Dear mom...what is it that's lost when you cross a border. Each moment seems to be split in two Melancholy for what was left behind and on the other hand all the enthusiasm at entering new lands Frias Lake, Argentina Fe uary 15th, 1952 Km 2306 - Look Mial, Chile - Chile! Viva Chile! - Is it your first time out of the country? - Yes, of course You are almost a man, Che Look Mial, when we are old and tired of traveling, we should come back and set a clinic on this lake That's a good idea Providing attention to everybody, if anyone ever comes Count on me, other Hey, things are getting better Fuser, eh? - Yeah - Hey, it is snowing - No, is just frost - Help me - On three, 1, 2, 3 - Done Go, go, go - Fuck is cold! - Some summer, uh Che, you told me we would enter Chile like two conquerors. Not on foot like a pair of losers If you don't like it, go fuck yourself Ernesto TEMUCO, CHILE Fe uary 18th, 1952 Km 2772 What if we dump this shit that gives us so much trouble And go on foot through the whole continent, you genius Yes, we would see more and meet more people... you would lose weight You sissy, but if with a couple of dollars from Chichina this gets fixed immediately And again with the same thing. Forget about that money Ok, perfect. If you get that mad then go all the way to Venezuela walking and leave me here alone with the boss's money Know what? I would get there in half the time and stop meddling with other people business Fuck you bastard! Uy, Ernestito, ing me the little Yankee pants from Miami Can't you see that you will never see them on or off? You wanker! Fuser.. You know what your problem is? Your fucking honesty. You should tell a lie from now and then to help us. - Hold it for a second - Hey, hey, what are you doing? - Come, Come Thank you - What? Do you have mate? Thank you. - It has sugar - Excuse me, what's your name? - Teresa - Teresa, Ernesto, nice to meet you - It would be nice as a souvenir, eh? - A souvenir? I'll take back to Argentina -You are traveling? - Yes we are traveling, we are the owners of that old bike - A the big one over there - What are these? - This is malton - And This? - These are oysters Maybe next time ,ok? next time... Austral Newspaper, 3 pesos, Austral Newspaper, only 3 pesos Get informed about Chile and the world, for only 3 pesos Yesterday evening, Temuco was honored by the arrival of 2 of the most renowned leprosy specialists of Latin America - Dr. Alberto Granados from Córdoba - What do you mean Granados - That's what it says Dr. Alberto Granados from Córdoba and Dr. Ernesto Guevara de la Serna from Buenos Aires They have embarked on an epic trip from their homeland to the north point of Venezuela The charismatic adventurer scientists, experts in their field, have treated three thousand patients in all the continent. They hope to complete their trip in a record time of five months, just in time to cele ate the 30th birthday of the youthful Dr. Granados - It says youthful, eh? - Yes, and so i get informed too. Do you think it will work? Hello, good evening My friend and i have some problems with our bike The direction is oken, the akes are practically gone and the shift box as always... And my backside is killing me... Let's see. I can fix the direction, the akes and the shift box. But i can't do anything about your backside. We don't have any money What? You don't have any money? When we get to Valparaiso we will receive some money, when we have it we will send it to you... You know, i wouldn't want to be rude, but if you don't have any money, you have nothing to do here, so please... Excuse me the interruption, but if you help us right now you will contribute to the bilateral relationships between our countries If i understand correctly, you want me to fix it for free I think we are not making ourselves clear besides we can't expect everybody to know who's who in the Latin-American medicine field - Please doctor, come on in - Yes, precisely today there was an article published on the paper... - Let me see...allow me - Yes of course - Look Piedad, Tulio look... - Well the picture is not very good - Yes we are not favorably depicted Look, is them... Gentlemen, for me it will be a great honor to fix your bike, once i finish this card game with my wife Of course, there's no problem That's the main priority. Do you know that tonight there's a dance and God willing, all the ladies of the town will be there Oh, what a shame. - Could you give me the paper back? - Thanks a lot, you are very kind - I'll ing the bike over - Please ing it over, we will fix it Could i have this dance? Cheers! You know, i was just thinking about you And why is that? You made quite an impression when i met you Thanks - Would you like to dance? - No I don't dance My husband fell asleep, he's drunk. I don't have a dance partner Well, if you teach me, yes? Hey, you finally remembered that you are a man? You had forgotten? It's been a long time since i danced, but is coming back to me, is coming back... I can't dance here Would you like to keep dancing? Wouldn't you prefer to go out I would love to, yes Let's go - What's going on? - No, we better stay Let me go! The Argentinean is leaving with your wife Let me go! Sorry, sorry...I’m sorry Argentinean mother fucker!! Aren't you tired? No - Don't you want to switch? - No Are you sure? Cows! cows! I can't Stop, I can't stop! The akes don't work Fucking mechanic - Are you ok? - Perfect, what do you want me to tell you Fuser? Shitty mechanic Is he your father? Yes Hey, that cow is going blind ...for the shit it's going to see Los Angeles, Chile Fe uary 26th, 1952 Km 2940 We are 25 days behind Wait wait wait wait Hello There's a rumor that the Chilean women are the most daring in all the continent Well, the rumors have no scientific support Dr. Granado. We have to make a field test You didn't like them, really? Here they come Hello girls - Excuse us, the place is packed... - Can we sit with you? - Yes, of course - Thanks - How are you?...Ernesto - He is Alberto - Miss? - Jazmín Daniela - Nice to meet you - Nice to meet you - So are you Argentineans? - How did you know? I don't know...the accent, because you say Che, i don't know - Had you noticed that Che? i hadn't - No me neither - Do you know what day is today? - Fe uary 26th Fe uary 26th...we are going to seem like liars, but it has been a year... A year? A year since when? - A year since we started this trip - That's nice - Damn, one year and we don't have one cent to cele ate - Wouldn't you like us to invite you a bottle of wine? - Wine? - Yes... Lucho, ing a bottle of wine to our Argentinean visitors that have made such an effort But ladies, please don't takes this the wrong way, but i can't drink wine - But why, why can't you drink a little wine to cele ate? - Exactly... - Well there is an old tradition in Argentina that... - Please c'mon, don't... - What? - I think they deserve and explanation - Is adequate, yes Thanks Lucho...Well, there is a long costume in Argentina that doesn't allow us to drink with empty stomachs And since we don't have any money at the moment, we can't buy food and we must reject your generous offer Please, don't be like that...wait. Lucho, could you ing us some empanadas - Do you like Chilean empanadas? - I have never tried them - four, eight? - They are really hungry. Twelve. I've always liked that number - I would really like to stay here - Too bad we don't have a place to stay, but we can sleep at the plaza Hey, but my father loves Argentineans. I think he can help you He is the chief of the fire department, so he knows a lot of people Wait, are you sisters? Yes, of course, you hadn't noticed? Look... They hadn't noticed. - The mechanic doesn't come back until tomorrow, but the bike can stay here - Thanks a lot Guys, let me introduce you to two Argentinean volunteers that will be staying here with you - Let me introduce you to Dr. Che Skinny and Dr. Che Fatty - Nice to meet you - Hey, would you like to see more of the town? - Yes - But... - Don't worry sir - Excuse me... - Yes? I wouldn't like to bother you, but are you really doctors? - No - Yes - No I'm a biochemist - Could you visit a lady that is sick - Yes, when you tell me... Could it be right now, cause she is really sick. It's been a very long time since she saw a doctor Ok, let me pick up my things and we will go. Is nice to be faithful to the Hippocratic oath, Fuser Excuse me Look at my eyes I'm going to touch your neck a little Has she eaten? I don't know Look, Dońa Rosa, I’m going to leave you these pills Take one with each meal And one before bedtime. This will help you feel better Dear mom...I knew i wouldn't be able to help that poor woman That up to a month ago she had been serving tables, panting like me Trying to live with dignity In those dying eyes, there was a humble request for excuses And a desperate plea of consolation that gets lost in the emptiness Just as her body will get lost very soon in the magnitude of the mystery that surrounds us Fuser, you still haven't asked me how was the field test with the Chilean sisters You know how i fear that you might become the new sexual ambassador of Argentina Are you the two lazy asses that travel on that piece of crap Her name is La Poderosa It was. But now we could name it The Dead One, The Paraplegic Oh yeah, why? What do you mean why? Because I’m the mechanic, what else If you sell it per pound, you might obtain something, but that piece of crap arrived dead here, really I'll be missing you Negra I'll take these, let's go What do we do? Should we go on? Yes, we go on. You only reach 30 once in a lifetime You are really something Ernesto Guevara de la Serna - If we change the dollars... - No, don't even think about it We arrived at Valparaiso I love Valparaiso. How much you encompass and how much you irradiate ide of the ocean Even far away from your deaf halo... - Federico García Lorca - No - No, it's Neruda Valparaíso, Chile March 7th, 1952 Km 3573 Thank you - From Chichina! - Chichina, and the money? - Should i open it? - Yes open it I leave you alone love bird How do i love you Celia de la Serna! What's going on? Fuser - Che, are you ready? - Me? - Yes you - Of course - Let's go Right away sir Atacama Desert, Chile March 11, 1952 Km 4960 You know what, my plan was a lot better You are so fucking proud, at least answer me Do you want to go back? Go ahead... I'll get to the mine and then I’ll tell you what it looks like Are you suggesting that i won't make it to the mine? If you can little doctor asthma, i can do it too Moron Oh, you want to win? Stop! Fuck! - Good evening, how are you? - What's your name? - Ernesto - Nice to meet you Yes, that's it, that's were we are from We didn't have much, just a dry and difficult land It belonged to his grandparents It was ours, until a landlord arrived and kicked us out - And that is what they call progress - We had to leave our son with the family and travel to find job - Trying to escape from the police that wanted to catch us - Why? Because we are communists We are going to the mine. If we are lucky I’ll find a job. Apparently they are so dangerous that they don't care what party you belong to Are you looking for a job? No, we are not. No? And then why are you traveling? Just because Bless you, blessed be your travels Take this Thanks - Some mate - Thanks Those eyes had a dark and tragic expression They told us about some friends that had disappeared under mysterious circumstances And that apparently ended up in some part on the bottom of the ocean That was one of the coldest nights of my life But meeting them made me feel closer to human kind. Strange, so strange to me You...you too You, the next one Move it, guys, move it Chuquicamata Mine, Chile March 15th, 1952 Km 5122 Move it, guys, move it Get in the truck. The rest go to your homes. Out You two, what are doing here? Nothing, we are looking Looking at what, this is not a tourist attraction. Out Can't you see that these people are thirsty. Give them some water damn it. I will call security so they will arrest you Oh yeah. Why? Invasion of property. This is the property of the Anaconda Mining Company Let's go. Son of a bitch

When we left the mine, we felt reality was changing ...or were we the ones changing Going deeper and deeper into the mountain range we found more natives that don't even have a roof in what used to be their own land Finally we entered Peru Thanks to a truck driver half blind, Felix I almost forgot...Today is Alberto's 30th birthday but not in Venezuela, as he had envisioned We were so tired, mom that we couldn't even cele ate Fuser This is humanly impossible Finally we arrived to the heart of America... Cuzco Cuzco, Peru April 2, 1952 Km 6932 After entering the city, we met Don Nestor A very wise man, mom that ended up as our official guide I was wondering Sir, which one of this walls is Inca? This one should be the Inca wall, and that one is Spanish We, as a joke, call this one the Inca wall and that one the wall of the Incapables, those were the Spanish Cuzco was the capital of the Incas, but when the Spanish came they destroyed everything, and named Lima as the new capital - Lima? - Yes - This is The Plaza? - Yes She says that she has never been to a school because she has always been near the cattle, that's why she doesn't know how to speak Castilian only Quechua I think that before, there was enough money for everything, but now there's little money and there are no jobs That is affecting us more and more Since i was little i have worked with crafts and that's how i keep on level...regular With both hands, with both hands With both hands, Nestor Good evening Good evening When i was working, the owner came and he threw me out of the land Once i was producing all the products he threw me out He threw you out? How? Did he call the police? Yes, he ought the police. He is a powerful man, he has a lot of money - He wanted me to leave the land - Yes, once it was producing Yes, it was producing wheat, corn, potatoes, beans... and i was meant to keep a part of it But i won't stay behind, i have to keep moving forward. Working, looking for money to educate my children - How many kids do you have? - I have five kids - Have you joined with other farmers of the area? - Yes, in the community we are organized, we help each other We help each other, together Machu Picchu, Peru April 5th, 1952 Km 7014 Let's see how you behave Fuser, eh? That's it, that's it For posterity The Incas had a high knowledge of astronomy, medicine, math, among others But the Spanish invaders had powder How would America be today if things had been different? Fuser, look what i think. I should marry with an Inca descendant and found an indigenous party We encourage everyone to vote Reactivate Tupac Amaru's revolution, the indoamerican revolution, Fuser What do you think? A revolution without gunshots? You are crazy Mial How is it possible that i feel nostalgia for a world i never knew How do you explain that a civilization capable of building this is wiped out to build... ...this Lima, Peru May 12th, 1952 Km 8198 - I know this is not the one - No? Mercaderes 52, let's ask Mercaderes Street? Mercaderes? 2 blocks that way, then turn right and 6 or 7 blocks more - This one has to be Mercaderes - That one too - Hey, is this one Mercaderes? - Yes - And that one too? -Yes Count from down there...from down there are 2, 4... What? Oh look Can i help you with something? This is the one from Mariategui... and you should also read Cesar Vallejo The best part of Lima, mom, was Dr. Hugo Pesce The chief of the program for the treatment of leprosy in Peru Alberto had contacted him before starting the journey He fed us, gave us cloth, money and some very good ideas Mariategui talks about the revolutionary potential of the natives and farmers of Latin America He says that the native main problem is the land and that the revolution will not be a copy but a heroic creation of our people 7 ESSAYS OF INTERPRETATION OF THE PERUVIAN REALITY We are too few to be divided, he says Everything unites us nothing keeps us apart... Here's the main group of patients Pesce let us stay at the guide Hospital, were they treat patients in the first stage of the disease The ones with more serious conditions are sent to San Pablo's Leper’s center in the Amazon - Zoraida, this is Alberto, Ernesto - How are you? - Nice to meet you Well, i think we know each other well enough so i will allow myself to tell you something I look into your eyes, Ernesto, Alberto, and i see a great idealism, but also a lot of doubts That's why I’m glad that you are going to San Pablo I think you will find something important there Important for you Thanks a lot - Ok, if you excuse me, i will show you something, ok? - Another surprise? How many surprises! - What is he inging, little on? - A book - A book, uh? - Eat everything Tito, eh? This is the great love of my life... ...after her of course Ah, ok It's my novel The Stillness of Silence I hope you give me the honor of reading it - Of course, of course - The honor is ours You can tell me what you think after - Yes, of course. Can i open it? - Yes, yes - Who dares read it first? - Both of us - Besides he reads faster than i do, really. Ok guys... - ...that's the boat, La Cenepa Pucallpa, Peru May 25th, 1952 Km 8983 In five more days you'll be in San Pablo Teacher, thanks a lot for everything, for your kindness, for the tickets, the cloths, for everything. It's been an honor Don't worry about anything Thanks Doctor, thanks a lot Don't you think you are forgetting something? You've said nothing about my novel - The novel, Fuser - Did you read it? - Of course -So? What can i say? I can sincerely tell you that no one can tell a story like you It has taken a lot of effort - And what do you think Ernesto? - He is fascinated! If he is fascinated, i would rather to hear it from him Look Doctor, I feel that your book is a little beaten I think there are many common places... - Well, that is not that bad - No Basically is poorly written and that makes it hard to read It's a very good try doctor, but i think you should focus on what you know best I'm sorry, teacher. You asked for my opinion and I’m giving it to you Wao son! No one had been so blunt with me. You have been the only one. The only one - Ok, i won't delay you any more, go on. - Thanks Good bye and...eternally grateful and forgive me. Take care! - Have you seen a bag that was over there? - No - It is own and small - If i see it I’ll let you know What is wrong with him? Ask for help! Ask for help! Pass me that pillow Be calm, Fuser Be calm, I’m going to give you the adrenalin Fuser... easy, easy... Fuser...easy Miss I came to thank you personally for the help you offer to my friend and i. Thanks Don't worry, your friend got really sick - Yes he did - He gave me quite a scare And i, thanks a lot, Miss. - You know, a minute ago i saw a bufeo around - Bufeo? Well a river dolphin, but we call them bufeo Have you ever seen one? No, never. I heard it, but didn't see it - I'm going to tell you a secret - Me? The bufeo's genitals look like a woman's and the natives use it to relieve themselves But there's a little problem, when they are done they have to kill the animal, because the suffer contractions so strong that don't let them get out Miss, no offense but can i ask you something? Yes What ings you to these inhospitable waters? I work on the boat, I come and go between Pucallpa and Leticia. I'm from Pucallpa, you know? - Pucallpenian? - Pucallpian - Do you know it? - It is full of beautiful women, but you are the best - Thanks - You are welcome And how do you pay for your ticket? I give the captain part of what i make But...how do you earn the money? Miss... Let's just say that, if we go to your room, I’ll show you My name is Luz, in case you want to know who you make business with Lucecita, for a night with you i would give a pile of gold as big as the Aconcagua But, darling i don't have a single coin Well, then my friend, you'll have to excuse me - But i have to go earn a living - Are you going to leave me like this I need the fifteen dollars, Fuser Her name is Luz and she told me a story about a fish that the natives fuck and she gave me a little kiss I already spent them C'mon Fuser, don't fuck with me. We crossed the desert together, we almost died of starvation and cold, the accident - My needs have higher priority than Chichina's pants - I don't have them anymore I gave them to the mining couple - Court her - Fuck you Fuser The house wins gentlemen. Mr. Lloyd retires - Good night - Good night Make your bets gentlemen - 8 soles -10 soles - 1 sol - 1 sol? What? This is for men, not for school kids I didn't know that in Peru you measured a man balls in soles Ok, ok, let's play. Cards gentlemen - Card? - One - Sir? - Nothing - Young man? - One I stay - Card - Of course Gentlemen, the house pays. Sir? 17. I'm sorry Gentleman? Thanks You young man? Pay! - How much did you bet? - 1 sol The first one - Ok, gentlemen, your bets - 2 soles - I want to see your bets. Your bet sir? - 30 soles Gentlemen, again, Blackjack! - How much do i owe you? - 30 - 30 paid - Thanks, yes sir. I will retire now. I think is very clear who has more balls in this table. Excuse me gentlemen Son of a bitch. Now that we are millionaires we will eat better Precisely, look at the mouthful I’m about to eat - What a night, we are very lucky - How are you? Ernesto... Luz - Hi - Luz - At your service Burning light that blinds my dreams Now hold on tight for what is coming for you - Ah, Neruda? - No, Granado San Pablo, Peru June 8th, 1952 Km 10223 Are you Bresciani? How are you guys? How was the trip? - Long but good - A little long No the other way - Nice to meet you. Bresciani - Nice to meet you Dr. Pesce has talked very enthusiastically about you so, welcome to San Pablo By the way, i have a letter from Dr. Pesce for you do you want it now? No, no, there'll be time for that Well, since we are here i can show you something The Amazon divides the colony in two The south part is where we keep the patients. Here, in the north part is were the staff, the doctors and nurses live. And a couple of nuns that are very efficient This is your room The beds are a little hard, but that is good for your spine You can see the hospital from here Over there And that's the laboratory Doctor, let me introduce you to our Argentinean volunteers Alberto, i understand you have some experience in baciloscopy - That's right - I believe he could help us in the lab, why don't you take him with you Ernesto, you are going to help me in the hospital Here we have the more serious cases, we transfer them from the south area - Georgina - Hello doctor - And do you make the operations on this side too? - Yes, on that side we have an operating room She is Silvia, daughter of one of our patients and a very good nurse - How is he? - He's better, doctor - Then keep administering the same treatment - Yes - Doctor, then how many patients live in the south area? - Almost six hundred - All of them Peruvian? - No, most of them yes, but there are some from Colombia, Venezuela and other countries of South America I suggest you use these gloves. It's true that leprosy under treatment is not contagious but the nuns are very strict about this - If it's not contagious, then this is purely symbolic - Yes, but I’m telling you so you don't make mortal enemies over there - Well, you'll have to forgive us but we are not going to use them - Yes, thanks doctor Don't say i didn't warn you Take out the boxes. Come this way - Good evening - Good evening - Good evening. Welcome to San Pablo - Thanks - You are very kind - Papa Carlito, at your service - Nemesio Reyna - Ernesto Guevara - I'm Alberto Granado, a pleasure to meet you Nice to meet you Doctor, didn't you explain the rules to them? Nice to meet you - Don Nemesio, nice to meet you Papa Carlito is the head of the community. They are Argentineans doctors Nice meeting you, bye They are real gentlemen Dr. Bresciani, this gentlemen arrive and think they can behave as they want? Mother San Alberto, this gentlemen have good medical experience in Cordoba and Buenos Aires That doesn't give them the right to behave like this and eak the rules I suggest we leave this conversation for later, ok? Thanks Mother, you are very understanding She is the Mother Superior This is the dinning hall. The nuns make lunch on Sundays, but only for those that come to mass The sad thing is that most of San Pablo's patients are here because they have been abandoned by their families or thrown out of their jobs That's why they try to adapt to their new life building their own houses, seeding, caring for animals - Doctor, good morning - How is Silvia? - She doesn't want to go to surgery - Thanks doctor, I’ll go see her Silvia is a patient a little rebellious and if we don't operate her ulna, she risks loosing her arm Hello Silvia She's very young Can i come inside to talk to her Yes Can i sit? Does your arm hurt? What is wrong with you? I was born with bad lungs What a shame No, is not that bad. Thanks to that i skipped the military service I didn't have to shine anyone boots Is that why you became a doctor? Because you are sick? Is possible. The first word i learned was injection I want to be useful in some way - You are wasting your time - Why? This life is hell Yes, it's really fucked up, but we have to fight for every eath and tell Death to fuck off Hey Fuser, Bresciani is going to write me a recommendation for an internship in Cabo Blanco's Hospital, in Caracas What do you think? That's nice. Nice? What's going on Fuser? - Did you see the river? - Yes It keeps away the sick from the healthy Yes That's it... Just a quick... Are you ok? Scalpel It's ok, it's ok. Look at me That's it. The nerve is coming out It's thick I have four siblings, Celia, Ana Maria Roberto and Juan Martin And they are the ones i miss the most actually. And also my mom You have to tell us these things with time - Have you been playing soccer lately? - Not lately For the next time, please wear some snickers and invite me Gladly C'mon, C'mon North team! Mark that one there!! Out, out Get out of there Mark that... Out, out Gol! Gol! What happened? What happened? They scored you one fatty!! Get out of here! Excuse me Sister, why you don't give us food? The rules of Mother San Alberto are very clear, we only serve to those who go to Holy Mass - What is it? - They won't give us food because we didn't go to mass - Says who? - San Alberto - Mother - Yes? - We want to eat - We deserve to eat like everyone else - Yes but you didn't go to mass - No Then, how do you expect to feed the body if you didn't feed the soul first - Denying food is not very Christian-like - Yes, i doubt Jesus would act like this In this house we have a set of rules that have to be followed - I haven't read any rule book - Neither did i. I think that if find it i would eat it Your lunch Did you steal it? - Yes - Thanks - Did you took it from San Alberto? - Yes Thanks - Is it deep? - Yes - Do you want some mate? - No thanks What? From Caracas? Great! Great, isn't it? - Should i accept? - What do you want to do? Maybe is time to settle down Yes, have a stable job, a girlfriend... Get a belly And you? Are you going back to finish school? I don't know. If i find a way to get back to Buenos Aires, yes You're going to be 24 next week, Fuser I should be thinking on something, right? San Pablo, Peru June 14th, 1952 The Mother dances well, uh? I like the way she dances No, I don't dance Thank you - It's good uh? It's really good Listen, this is the tango that Chichina's uncle played in Miramar - Ah yes, i like it - You see - Yes, yes - Do you know how to dance it? - This one's a little faster, But you know how to dance it. And there's a lady very interested in dancing with you - Should i ask her? - The bird in the stories flies and never returns Fly, fly Do you want to dance? - Do you know how to dance? - Yes Is just that this version is faster Dance Ernesto! Did you think it was a tango? Mambo, mambo, mambo Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, Ernesto, Happy birthday to you! Make three wishes Fuser Friends, one moment please... I believe this is a great opportunity to let Ernesto and Alberto know, how grateful we are Not just for having gotten here, but also for their commitment and enthusiasm to the patients of San Pablo during the three weeks you have spent here For that reason, we have prepared a little surprise Tomorrow you will receive a raft to continue your journey and we will name it, suggested by this night, The Mambo Tango Thanks a lot Speech! Speech! Well...I feel obligated to thank this toast with something more than a conventional gesture But given the poor conditions in which we travel... the only affectionate resource that we have is the word And is by using it, that i want to thank you all, all the staff of the colony Thanks You, that give us this magnificent display of affection by cele ating my birthday as you would cele ate one of yourselves And since we will leave Peru tomorrow, this words also serve as a goodbye in which i want to put all my effort to give a recognition to the people of this country that uninterruptedly have overwhelmed us with nice gestures since we arrived And i would like to highlight something more, a little off topic of this toast But don't worry, i won't dance Although our meager personalities prevent us from being spokesmen of your cause We believe, even more after this journey, that the separation of America in false and uncertain nationalities is completely fictitious We are a single mixed race, from Mexico to the Strait of Magellan So, trying to free myself from any nationality load I raise a toast for Peru and for America united Cheers What's up with you? Do you know where the boat is? No, i don't see it I'm going to cele ate my birthday on the other side Yes, of course, tomorrow when we find the boat you will cele ate your birthday on the other side - No, now - No you won't - My birthday is today not tomorrow - I know Fuser but...are you crazy You can't cross the river at night with all those animals that can eat you raw Mial, how many times in this journey did we thought it was the end and look, here we are - This time is different Fuser -Why? Because this time i won't be around to help you. There's no way I’m getting in the river You will always be with me Mial, come Hey, come here you bastard mother fucker, come back here. Think of me, your mom is going to kill me Fuser, come back here. Ernesto! Listen! Son of a bitch Ernesto come back! Son of a bitch Come back here! - What's going on? - This crazy mother fucker wants to swim across the river - What? - Please tell me that someone has cross this river No, no one in all the years I’ve been here Ernesto, come back damn it! - Hey kid, listen to your friend! - No he won't listen - Come here kid! - Come back Ernesto - What's going on? - Something is moving The current is getting stronger - What's going on? - That moron that is swimming across the river. Come back, Ernesto - Is that Ernesto? - He is swimming this way There he is - He's tired - You can do it Ernesto! There he is Come one. Come on. Come on. Ernesto!! He made it?! Son of a bitch, he made it! He made it! He made it! I always knew he would make it Son of a bitch I'm going to miss you. Take care, ok? - Papa Carlito is very sad - Take care - Good luck - We will miss you Thanks for everything - Take care, ok - You too Take care kids - Good bye Mauro - We will always remember you Near Leticia, Colombia June 22nd, 1952 Km 10240 Caracas, Venezuela July 26th, 1952 Km 12425 You know, i had memorized a speech filled with anecdotes, and i can't remember a fucking thing - That happens - Yeah You still have the chance to come and work with me in Cabo Blanco, eh? You can graduate and I’ll wait for you I don't know I don't know Look Mial, all this time we spent on the route, something happened something that i have to think about long and hard So much injustice, eh? Come on, the plane is leaving! Wait, wait. This could be useful You kept it Is yours I'm off now I'll write you, ok? Fuser... I have to tell you something important. My birthday is not on April 2nd, it is on August 8th. I told you only to motivate you - I knew - You knew? Son of a bitch See you! See you friend! This is not the tale of impressive deeds Is a piece of two lives taken in a moment when they were cruising together along a given path With identity of aspirations and a conjunction of dreams Was our vision too narrow, too partial, too rushed? Were our conclusions too rigid? Maybe... ...but that aimless roaming through our enormous America has changed me more than i thought I.. ...am not myself anymore At least, I’m not the same inside Eight years passed before the two of them would meet again In 1960, Granado accepted an invitation to move to Cuba to work as a researcher. The invitation came from his old friend Fuser, that at the time was known as Commander Che Guevara, one of the few influential and charismatic leaders of the Cuban Revolution. Ernesto Che Guevara fought for his ideals in Congo and Bolivia, where he was captured by the Regulation Army and, with the consent of the CIA, was assassinated in October of 1967 Alberto Granado, always faithful to his friend Fuser, remained in Cuba, where he founded the School of Medicine of Santiago. Today he lives in Havana with his wife Delia, his three sons and grandsons.

Hello. My name's Forrest--Forrest Gump. Do you want a chocolate? I could eat about a million and a halfofthese. My mama always said Iife was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Those must be comfortable shoes. I bet you could walk all day in shoes like that and not feel a thing. I wish I had shoes like that. My feet hurt . Mama always said there's an awful lot you can tell about a person by their shoes. Where they're going, where they've been. I've worn lots ofshoes. I bet if I think about it real hard I could remember my fi rst pair ofshoes. Mama said they'd take me anywhere . Gump Shesaid th ey was my magic shoes. All right, Forrest, Open your eyes now . Let's take a little walk around. How do those feel? His legs are strong, Mrs. Gump, as strong as I've ever seen. But his back's as crooked as a politician. But we're going to straighten him right up, aren't we, Forrest? Forrest! Now, when I was a baby, Mama named me after the great Civil War hero General Nathan Bedford Forrest. General Nathan Bedford Forrest. She said we was related to him in some way. What he did was, hetarted up this club called the Ku Klux Klan. They'd all dress up in their robes and th eirbed sheets and act like a bunch of ghosts or spooks or something. They'd even put bed sheets on their horses and ride around. And, anyway, that'show I got my name-- Forrest Gump. Mama said the Forrest part was to remind me that sometimes we all do things that, well, that just don't make no sense. This way. Hold on. Ugh! All right. What are y'all staring at? Haven't you ever seen a little boy with aces on his legs before ? Don't ever let anybody tell you they're better than you, Forrest. If God intended everybody to be the same, he'd have given us all aces on our legs. Mama always hada way of explaining things so I could understand them. We lived about a quarter mile off Route 17, about a halfmile from the town of Greenbow, Alabama. That's in the county of Greenbow. Our house had been in Mama's family since her grandpa's grandpa's grandpa had come across the ocean about a thousand years ago. Since it was just me and Mama and we had all these empty rooms, Mama decided to let those rooms out, mostly to people passing through, Iike from, oh, Mobile, Montgomery, places like that. That'show me and Mama got money. Mama was a real smart lady. Remember what I told you, Forrest. You're no different than anybody else is. Did you hear what I said, Forrest? You're the same as everybody else. You are no different. Your boy's...different, Mrs. Gump. His I.Q is 75. Well, we're all different, Mr. Hancock. She wan ted me to have the finest education so she to ok me to the Greenbow County Central School. I met the principal and all. I want to show you something, Mrs. Gump. Now, this is normal. Forrest is right here . The state require s a minimum I.Q of 80 to attend public school. Mrs. Gump, he's going to have to go to a special school. Now, he'll bejust fine. What does normal mean anyway ? He might be... a bit on the slow side, but my boy Forrest is going to get the same opportunities as everyone else. He's not going to some special school to learn how to retread tires. We're talking about five little points here . There must be something can be done. We're a progressive school system. We don't want to see anybody left behind. Is there a Mr. Gump, Mrs. Gump? He's on vacation. Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Well, your mama sure does care about your schooling, son. Mmm-mmm-mmm. You don't say much, do you? Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Finally, he had to try. It looked easy, but... oh, what happened. First they-- Mama, what's vacation mean? Vacation? Where Daddy went? Vacation's when you go somewhere... and you don't ever come back. Anyway, I guess you could say me and Mama was on our own. But we didn't mind. Our house was never empty. There was always folks coming and going. Supper! It's supper, everyone! That sure looks special. Sometimes, we had so many people staying with us that every room was filled, with travelers, you know, folks living out of their suitcases and hat cases and sample cases. Forrest Gump, it's suppertime! Forrest? One time, a young man was staying with us, and he had him a guitar case. Guitar Plays Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit And you ain't no Friend of mine Forrest, I told you not to bother this nice young man. No, that's all right, ma'am. I was showing him a thing or two on the guitar. All right. Supper's ready if y'all want to eat. Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you, ma'am. Say, man, show me that crazy little walk you did there . Slow it down some. You ain't nothing but-- I liked that guitar. It so unded good. Is tarted moving around to the music, swinging my hips. Cryin' all the time This one night, me and Mama was out shopping, and we walked by Vincy's Furniture andApplian ce Store, and guess what? You ain't nothin' but a hound dog Cryin'all the time You ain't nothin' but a hound dog This is not for children's eyes. Cryin'all the time Some years later, that handsome young man who they called the King, well, he sung too many songs. Had him self a heart attack or something. It must be hard being a king. You know, it's funny how you remember some things, but some things you can't. You do your very best now, Forrest. I sure will, Mama. I remember the bus ride on the first day of school very well. Are you coming along? Mama said not to be taking rides from strangers . This is the bus to school. I'm Forrest-- Forrest Gump. I'm Dorothy Harris. Well, now we ain't strangers anymore . This seat's taken. It's taken. You can't sit here . You know, it 's funny what a young man recollects, 'cause I don 't remember being born. I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas, and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic, but I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world. You can sit here if you want. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. She was like an angel. Well, are you going to sit down or aren't you? What's wrong with your legs? Um, nothing at all, thank you. My legs are just fine and dandy. I just sat next to her on that bus and had a conversation all the way to school. My back's crooked like a question mark. Next to Mama, no one ever talked to me or asked me questions. Are you stupid or something? Mama says, Stupid is as stupid does. I'm Jenny . I'm Forrest-- Forrest Gump. From that day on, we was always together. Jenny and me was like peas and carrots. She taught me how to climb. Come on, Forrest, you can do it. I showed her how to dangle. A good little... She help edme learn how to read, and I showed her how to swing. Sometimes, we'd just sitout and wait for the stars. Mama's going to worry about me. Just stay a little longer. For some reason, Jenny didn 't never want to go home. O.K.,Jenny, I'll stay . She was my most special friend. My only friend. Now, my mama always told me that miracles happen every day . Some people don't think so, but they do. Hey, dummy ! Are you dumb, or just plain stupid? Look, I'm Forrest Gimp. Just run away, Forrest. Run, Forrest! Run away! Hurry! Get the bikes! Let's get him! Come on! Look out, Gump! We're going to get you! Run, Forrest, run! Run, Forrest! Come back here, you! Ha ha ha ha ha! Run, Forrest! Run! Now, you wouldn't believe if I told you... but I could run like the wind blows. From that day on, if I was going somewhere , I was running. That boy sure is a running fool. Now, remember how I told you that Jenny never seemed to want to go home? She lived in a house that was as old as Alabama. Her mama had gone to heaven when she was 5, and her daddy was some kind of a farmer. Jenny ? He was a very loving man. He was always kissing and touching her and her sisters. And then this one time, Jenny wasn't on the bus to go to school. Jenny, why didn't you come to school today ? Shh. Daddy's taking a nap. Jenny ! Come on! Jenny, where'd you run to? You better get back here, girl! Where you at? Jenny ! Jenny, where you at? Jenny ! Pray with me, Forrest. Pray with me. Jenny ! Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far, far away from here . Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far. Mama always said God is mysterious. Jenny ! He didn 't turn Jenny in to a bird that day. Instead, he had the police say Jenny didn't have to stay in that house no more. She was to live with her grandma, just over on Creek more Avenue, which made me happy, 'cause she was so close. Some nights, Jenny'd sneak out and come on over to my house, just'cause she said she was scared. Scared of what, I don 't know. But I think it was her grandma's dog. He was a mean dog. Anyway, Jenny and me was best friends all the way up through high school. Hey, stupid! Quit it! Run, Forrest, run! Hey , didn't you hear me, stupid? Run, Forrest! Get in the truck! Come on! He's getting away! Move it! Run, Forrest! Run! Ha, ha! Move it! Move it! You better be runnin'! Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! - Go! Run, Forrest! Now, it used to be I ran to get where I was going. I never thought it would take me anywhere . Ohh! Who in the hell is that? That there is Forrest Gump, Coach. Just a local idiot. And can you believe it ? I got to go to college, too. Forrest, move it! Run! O.K. ! Run! Run, you stupid son of a bitch! Run! Run, son of a bitch, run! Go! Run! Run! Run! Go! Whistle Blows He must be the stupidest son of a bitch alive , but he sure is fast. Now, maybe it's just me, but college was very confusing times. Federal troops, enforcing a court order, in tegrated the University of Alabama today. Two Negroes were admitted, but only after Go vern or George Wallace had carried out his symbolic threat to stand in the school house door. I take it from that statement... Earl, what's going on? Coons are trying to get into school. Coons? When raccoons tried getting on our back porch, Mama just chased them off with a oom. Not raccoons, you idiot. Niggers . And they want to go to school with us. With us? They do? TV Reporter Shortly after Govern or Wallace had carried out his promise to block the door way, Kennedy ordered these cretary of defense to use military force. Here, by video tape, is the encounter by General Graham, commander of the National Guard, and Govern or Wallace. Because these National Guardsmen are here today as federal soldiers for Alabama, and they live within our borders. They are our others. We are winning in this fight, because we are awakening the American people to the dangers that we have spoken about so many times that is so evident today- - A trend to ward military dictatorship in this country. And so, at day's end, the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa had been desegregated, and students Jimmy Hood and Vivian Malone had been signed up for summer classes. Ma'am, you dropped your book. Ma'am. Chet Huntley Govern or Wallace did what he promised. By being on the Tuscaloosa campus, he kept the mob... Say, wasn't that Gump? Naw, that couldn't be. It sure as hell was. Gump A few years later, that angry little man at the school house door thought it'd be a good idea and ran for president. But somebody thought that it wasn't. But he didn't die. My bus is here . Is it the number 9? No, it's the number 4. It was nice talking to you. I remember when that happened, when Wallace got shot. I was in college. Did you go to a girls' college or a girls' and boys' together college? It was coed. 'Cause Jenny went to a college I couldn't go to. It was a college just for girls. But I'd go and visit her every chance I got. I don't know why I love you But I do I don't know why I cry so But I do I only know I know that... Ohh! That hurts. But I don't know why I love you But I do Forrest! Forrest! Forrest, stop it! Stop it! What are you doing? He was hurting you. No, he wasn't! Get over there ! Billy, I'm sorry. Just keep away from me. Don't be such-- Don't go. Billy, wait a second. He doesn't know any better. Forrest, why'd you do that? I ought you some chocolate. I'm sorry. I'll go back to my college now . Forrest-- Look at you. Come on. Come on. Thunder Is this your own room? Shh! Do you ever dream, Forrest... about who you're going to be? Who I'm going to be? Yeah. Aren't I going to be me? You'll always be you, just another kind of you. You know ? I want to be famous. I want to be a singer like Joan Baez. I just want to be... on an empty stage with my guitar, my voice. Just me. And I want to reach people on a personal level. I want to be able to say things, just one to one. Have you ever been with a girl, Forrest? I sit next to them in my home economics class all the time. Oh-- Oh-- Oh, I'm sorry. It's O.K. Sorry. Oh-- Oh-- It's all right. It's O.K. Oh, I'm dizzy . I'll bet that never happened in home ec. No. I think I ruined your roommate's bathrobe. I don't care . I don't like her anyway . Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Stop! Stop! Stop! College ran by real fast 'cause I played so much football. Th eyeven put me on a thing called the all-America team where you get to meet the president of the United States. President Kennedy met with the collegiate all-American football team at the Oval Office today . Now the really good thing about meeting the presiden t of the United States is the food. They put you in this little room with just about anything you'd want to eat or drink. But since, number one, I wasn 't hungry but thirsty, and number two, they was free, I must have drank me about 15 Dr. Peppers. Burp How does it feel to be an all-American ? It's an honor, sir. How does it feel to be an all-American ? Very good, sir. How does it feel to be an all-American ? Very good, sir. Congratula tions. How do you feel? I got to pee. I believe he said he had topee. Some time later, for noparticular reason, somebody shot that nice young president when he was riding in his car. And a few years after that, somebody shot his little other, too, only he was in a hotel kitchen. Must be hard being others . I wouldn't know . Forrest Gump. Now can you believe it ? After only five years of playing football, I got a college degree. Congratulations, son. Mama was so proud. Forrest, I'm so proud of you. I'll hold this for you. Congratulations, son. Have you given any thought to your future ? Thought? Hello. I'm Forrest. Forrest Gump. Nobody gives a horse's shit who you are, pus ball! You're not even a lowlife , scum-sucking maggot! Get your maggoty ass on the bus! You're in the army now ! Seat's taken. Taken. At first it seemed like I made a mistake. It was only my induction day, and I was getting yelled at. Sit down if you want to. I didn't know who I might meet or what they might ask. You ever been on a real shrimp boat? No. But I been on a real big boat. I'm talking about a shrimp catching boat. I been working on shrimp boats all my life . I started out on my uncle's boat when I was about maybe 9. I was just looking into buying my own boat and got drafted. My given name is Benjamin Buford Blue. People call me Bubba, just like one of them old red neck boys. Can you believe that? My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump. So Bubba was from Bayou La Ba tre, Alabama, and his mama cooked shrimp. And her mama before her cooked shrimp, and her mama before her mama cooked shrimp, too. Bubba's family knew everything there was to know about the shrimping business. I know everything there is to know about the shrimping business. I'm going into the shrimping business for myself after I get out ofthe army . O.K. Gump! What's your sole purpose in this army ? To do whatever you tell me, Drill Sergeant! God damn it, Gump, you're a goddamn genius. That's the most outstanding answer I've ever heard . You must have a goddamn l.Q Of 160. You are goddamn gifted, Private Gump. Listen up, people! Now for some reason, I fit in the army Like one of them round pegs. It's not really hard. You just make your bed neat, remember to stand up straight, and always answere very question with Yes, Drill Sergeant. Is that clear? Yes, Drill Sergeant! What you do is drag your nets along the bottom. On a good day , you can catch over a hundred pounds of shrimp. Everything goes all right, 2 men shrimping 10 hours , Less what you spends on gas-- Done, Drill Sergeant! Gump! Why did you put that weapon together so quickly? You told me to, Drill Sergeant. Jesus H. Christ. This is a new company record . If it wasn't a waste of a fine enlisted man, I'd recommend you for O.C.S., Private Gump. You're going to be a general someday ! Now disassemble your weapon and continue! Anyway, like I was saying, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, oil it, bake it, saute it. They's, uh, shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir fried. There's pineapple shrimp and lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew , shrimp salad, shrimp in potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That--That's about it. Night time in the army is alonely time. We'd lay there in our bunks, and I'd miss my mama, and I'd miss Jenny. Hey, Gump. Get a load of the tits on her. Turns out... Jenny had gotten in to some trouble over some photos of her in her college sweater. And she was thrown out of school. My baby does the hanky panky But that wasn't a bad thing, 'cause a man who owns a theater in Memphis, Tennessee, saw those photos and offered Jenny a job singing in a show. The first chance I got, I took the bus up to Memphis to see her perform in that show. That was Amber, Amber Flame. Give her a big hand. And now, for your listening and viewing pleasure , direct from Hollywood, California, our very own beatnik beauty . Let's give a big round of applause to the luscious Bobbie Dylan. How many roads must a man walk down Before you can call him a man? Yes, and how many seas must the white dove sail Her dream had come true. Before she sleeps in the sand? She was a folk singer. Yes, and how many times Must the cannon balls fly Before they're fo rever banned? Shake it up now . Somebody get her a harmonica. The answer, my friend Is blowin' in the wind This ain't Captain Kangaroo. Hey, honey, I got something here for you. Hey! God damn it! Hey, you stupid jerk! I'm singing a song here . Polly, get out here ! Shut up yourself! Just shut up! Forrest! What are you doing here ? What are you doing? - Hey ! - Aw ! What are you doing, Forrest? Let me down! - Oh! Ooh! - Ooh! Ha ha ha! You can't keep doing this, Forrest. You can't keep trying to rescue me. They was trying to grab you. A lot of people try to grab me. Just--You can't keep doing this all the time. I can't help it. I love you. Forrest-- You don't know what love is. You remember that time we prayed, Forrest? We prayed for God to turn me into a bird so I could fly far away . Yes, I do. You think I could fly off this idge? What do you mean,Jenny ? Nothing. I got to get out of here . Wait, Jenny . Forrest, you stay away from me, O.K. ? You stay away from me, please. Can I have a ride? Where are you going? I don't care . Get in the truck. So bye-bye,Jenny . They sending me to Vietnam. It's this whole other country. Just hang on a minute. Listen, you promise me something, O.K. ? Just if you're ever in trouble, don't be ave . You just run, O.K. ? Just run away . O.K. Jenny . I'll write you all the time. Andjust like that, she was gon e. Andjust like that, she was gone. You come back safe to me. Do you hear? Some folks are born Made to wave the flag Ooh, they're red, white, and blue And when the band play s Hail To The Chief Ooh, they'll point the cannon at you It ain't me It ain't me I ain't no senator's son It ain't me Now they told us that Vietnam was going to be very different from the United States of America. Except for all the beer cans and barbecues, it was. Hey, I'll bet there's shrimp all in these waters . They tell me these Vietnams is good shrimp. After we win this war and we take over everything, we can get American shrimpers out here and shrimp these waters . Just shrimp all the time, man. You must be my FNGs. Morning, sir. Oh, get your hands down. Do not salute me. There are goddamn snipers all around this are a who'd love to grease an officer. I'm Lieutenant Dan Taylor. Welcome to Fort Platoon. What's wrong with your lip? I was born with big gums, sir. Well, you better tuck that in. Gonna get that caught on a trip wire . Where are you boy s from in the world? - Alabama, sir! - Alabama, sir! You twins? No. We are not relations, sir. Look, it's pretty basic here . You stick with me and learn from the guys who've been in country a while, you'll be all right. There is one item of G.I. gear that can be the difference between life and death-- Socks . Cushioned sole, O.D. green. Try and keep your feet dry. When we're out humpin', change your socks whenever we stop. The Mekong will eat a grunt's feet right off his legs. Sergeant Sims. God damn it, where's that sling rope I said to order? I put in the requisitions. Well, you call those sons of bitches-- Lieutenant Dan sure knew his stuff. I felt real lucky he was my lieutenant. He was from a long, great military tradition. Somebody in his family had fought and died in every... single... American war. God damn it, kick some ass. Get on it! I guess you could say he had a lot to live up to. So, you boys from Arkansas, huh? Well, I been through there . Little Rock's a fine town. Now, shake down your gear. See the platoon sergeant. Draw what you need for the field. If you boys are hungry, we got steaks burning right over here . Two standing orders in this platoon-- 1 --take care of your feet, 2--try not to do anything stupid, Like getting yourself killed. I sure hope I don't let him down. I got to see a lot of the country side. We would take these real long walks. There must be some kind of way Out of here Said the joker to the thief And we were always lookin ' for this guy named Charlie. There's too much confusion I can't get no relief Hold it up! Hold up, boys! It wasn't always fun. Lieutenant Dan was always getting these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or the road, so he'd tell us to get down, shut up. Get down! Shut up! So we did. Now I don't know much about anything, but I think some of America's best young men served in this war. There was Dallas from Phoenix. Cleveland- - he was from Detroit. Hey, Tex . Hey, Tex . What the hell's going on? And Tex was- - Well, I don't remember where Tex come from-- Ah, nothing. Fourth platoon, on your feet. Y'all got 10 clicks to go to that river. Move out. 1, 2! Hup! Step it up! Look alive out there . The good thing about Vietnam is there was always someplace to go. Fire in the hole! Gump, check out that hole. And there was always something to do. Mount'em up! Spread out! Cover his back! One day it started raining, and it didn't quit for four months. We've been through every kind of rain there is- - little bitty stinging rain and big old fat rain, rain that flew in side ways, and sometimes rain even seemed to come straight up from underneath. Shoot, it even rained at night. Hey, Forrest. Hey, Bubba. I'm going to lean up against you. You lean up against me. This way we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud. You know why we're a good partnership, Forrest? 'Cause we be watching out for one another, like others and stuff. Hey, Forrest, something I been thinking about. I got a very important question to ask you. How would you like to go into the shrimping business with me? O.K. Man, I tell you what. I got it all figured out, too. So many pounds of shrimp will pay off the boat. So many pounds for gas. We'll live right on the boat. We ain't got to pay no rent. We can just work it together, split everything right down the middle. Man, I'm telling you, 50-50. Hey, Forrest, all the shrimp you can eat. That's a fine idea. Bubba did have a fine idea. I even wrote Jenny and told her all about it. I sent her letters- - Not every day, but almost. I told her what I was doing and asked her what she was doing and told her how I thought about her always. And how I was looking forward to getting a letter from her just as soon as she had the time. I'd always let her know that I was O. K. Then I'd sign each letter Love, Forrest Gump. There's somethin' happenin' here This one day, we was out walking like always, and then, just like that, somebody turned off the rain, and the sun come out. I got to beware Ambush! Take cover! Get that pig up here , god damn it! Forrest! You okay ? Strong-arm, Strong-arm! Hey! We got a man down! Strong-arm, this is Leg Lima 6! Over! Roger, Strong-arm! Be advised we have incoming from the tree line at point blue plus two! A.K.s and rockets! We're getting it hard ! Misfire! Misfire ! God damn it! Get that pig unfucked and on the treeline! They got us, and it hurt . We're going to move back to the blue line. Pull back! Pull back! Forrest! Run, Forrest! Pull back! Run! Run, man! Run! Pull back, Gump! Run, God damn it! Run! I ran and ran just like Jenny told me to. I ran so far so fast that pretty so on I was all by myself, which was a bad thing. Bubba. Bubba was my best good friend. I had to make sure he was O.K. Where the hell are you? Bubba! And on my way back to find Bubba, well, there was this boy laying on the ground. Tex. O.K. I couldn't let him lay there all alone, scared the way he was, so I grabbed him up and run him out of there. Every time I went back looking for Bubba, somebody else was saying, Help me, Forrest, help me! O.K. Here. Here . No sweat, man. Lay back. You'll be O.K. I started to get scared that I might never find Bubba. I know my position is danger close! We got Charlie all over this area. I got to have those fast movers in here now. Over. Lieutenant Dan, Coleman's dead! I know he's dead! My whole goddamn platoon is wiped out! God damn it! What are you doing? You leave me here ! Get away . Just leave me here ! Get out! ! God, I said leave me here, God damn it! LegLima, this is Strong-arm. Be advised your fast movers are in bound. Over. Then it felt like something just jumped up and bit me. ! Something bit me! ! ! You son of a bitch! ! I can't leave the platoon. I told you to leave me there, Gump. Forget about me. Get your self out! Did you hear what I said? Gump, damn it, put me down. Get your ass out of here . I didn't ask you to pull me out of there, God damn you! Where the hell do you think you're going? To get Bubba. I got an air strike in bound right now . They're going to nape the whole area. Stay here ! That's an order. I gotta find Bubba! Forrest. Bubba. I'm O.K., Forrest. I'm O.K. O-Oh, Bubba, no. I'll be all right. Voices Speaking ln Vietnamese Come on. Come on. Come on. Ugh. I'm O.K., Forrest. Airplanes Approach I'm O.K. I'm fine. Lieutenant Dan Top smoke. Get it up there . If I'd have known this was going to be the last time me and Bubba was gonna talk, I'd of thought of something better to say. Hey, Bubba. Hey, Forrest. Forrest-- Why did this happen? You got shot. Then Bubba said something I won't ever forget. I want to go home. Bubba was my best good friend. And even I know that ain't something you can find just around the corner. Bubba was going to be a shrimping boat captain, but instead, he died right there by that river in Vietnam. That's all I have to say about that. It was a bullet, wasn't it? A bullet? That jumped up and bit you. Oh. Yes, sir. Bit me directly in the but-tocks . They said it was a million dollar wound, but... the army must keep that money , 'cause I still ain't seen a nicke I of that million dollars . The only good thing about being wounded in the but-tocks is the ice cream. They gave me all the ice cream I could eat. And guess what? A good friend of mine was in the bed right next door. Lieutenant Dan, I got you some ice cream. Lieutenant Dan, ice cream! It's time for your bath, Lieutenant. Harper! Man Cooper. Larson. Webster. Gump. Gump! I'm Forrest Gump. Kyle. Nichols. McMill. Johnson. Surprise, surprise, surprise! Gump, how can you watch that stupid shit? Turn it off. You are tuned to the American forces Vietnam network. This is channel 6, Saigon. Good catch, Gump. You know how to play this? Come on. Let me show you. Now, the secret to this game is no matter what happens, never, ever... take your eye off the ball. All right. For some reason, Ping-Pong came very natural to me. See? Any idiot can play . So I started playing it all the time. I played Ping-Pong even when I didn't have anyone to play Ping-Pong with. The hospital's people said it made me look like a duck in water- - Whatever that means. Even Lieutenant Dan would come and watch me play. I played Ping-Pong so much, I even played it in my sleep. Now... you listen to me. We all have a destiny . Nothing just happens. It's all part of a plan! I should have died out there with my men, but now...l'm nothing but a god damn cripple, a legless freak! Look. Look! Look at me! You see that? Do you know what it's like not to be able to use your legs? Y-Y -Yes, sir, I do. Did you hear what I said? You cheated me! I had a destiny . I was supposed to die in the field with honor! That was my destiny , and you... cheated me out of it! You understand what I'm saying, Gump? This wasn't supposed to happen-- Not to me. I had a destiny . I was... Lieutenant... Dan Taylor. Y-You still Lieutenant Dan. Look at me. What am I going to do now ? What am I going to do now ? PFC Gump? Yes, sir! As you were . Son, you been awarded the Medal of Honor. Guess what, Lieutenant Dan? They want to give me a med-- Ma'am. What did they do with Lieutenant Dan? They sent him home. Two weeks later, I left Vietnam. The ceremony was kicked off with a can did speech by the presiden t regarding the need for further escalation of the war in Vietnam. Johnson awarded 4 Medals of Honor to men from each of the armed services. America owes you a debt of gratitude, son. I understand you were wounded. Where were you hit ? In the but-tocks, sir. Well, that must be a sight. I'd kinda like to see that. And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson Jesus loves you more than you will know Whoa, whoa, whoa God bless you, please, Mrs. Robinson God damn, son! After that, Mama went to the hotel to lay down, so I went out for a walk to see our nation's capital. Hi lary! I got the vets. What do you want to do with them? It's a good thing Mama was resting, 'cause the streets was awful crowded with people lookin'at all the statues and monuments, and some of them people were loud and pushy. O.K., follow me! Everywhere I went, I had to stand in line. Come on. Go! Hey, you're a good man for doing this. Good. O.K. There was this man giving a little talk. And for some reason, he was wearing an American flag for a shirt. And he liked to say the F word...a lot. F this and F that. And every time he said the F word, people, for some reason, well, they cheered. Feedback Yeah! Yeah! Come on, man. Come up here, man. Come on. Come on. Yeah, you! Come on. Move, move ! Go on. Let's get up there . Tell us a little bit about the war, man. The war in Vietnam? The war in Viet- fucking-nam! Well-- There was only one thing I could say about the war in Vietnam. There's only one thing I can say about... the war in Vietnam. In Vietnam... Feedback Silence What the hell are you do-- I'll beat your head in, you goddamn oinker! Jesus Christ! What did they do with this? Can't hear you! Can't hear anything! This--This one! Give me that! Speak up! That's it. And that's all I have to say about that. That's so right on, man. You said it all. What's your name, man? My name is Forrest. Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump. - Gump! Gump! - Gump! Forrest! Forrest! Jenny ! Forrest! Hey !

It was the happiest moment of my life. Jenny and me were just like peas and carrots again. She showed me around and even in troduced me to some of her new friends. Shut that blind, man! And get your white ass away from that window . Don't you know we in a war here ? Don't you know we in a war here ? He's cool. He's one of us. Let me tell you about us. Our purpose here is to protect our black leaders from the racial on slaught of the pig who wishes to utalize our black leaders , rape our women, and destroy our black communities. Who's the baby killer? This is my good friend I told you about. This is Forrest Gump. Forrest, this is Wesley . Wesley and I lived together in Berkeley , and he's the president of the Berkeley chapter ofSDS. We are here to offer protection and help for all those who need our help, because we, the Black Panthers , are against the war in Vietnam. We are against any war where black soldiers are sent to the front line to die for a country that hates them. We are against any war where black soldiers go to fight and come to be utalized and killed in their own communities. We are against these racist and imperial acts-- And I gave her the gun I shot her Forrest! Stop it! Stop it! Forrest! Stop it! Stop it! I shouldn't have ought you here . I should have known it was going to be some bullshit hassle! He should not be hitting you,Jenny . Come on, Forrest. Sorry I had a fight in the middle of your Black Panther party . He doesn't mean it when he does things like this. I would never hurt you,Jenny . I know you wouldn't, Forrest. I wanted to be your boy friend. That uniform is a trip, Forrest. You look handsome in it. You do. You know what? What? I'm glad we were here together in our nation's capital. Me, too, Forrest. We walked around all night, Jenny and me, just talkin'. She told me about all the traveling she'd done and how she discovered ways to expand her mind and learn how to live in harmony... which must be out west somewhere, 'cause she made it all the way to California. Love one another right now Hey . Anybody want to go to San Francisco? I'll go. Far out! It was a very special night for the two of us. I didn't want it to end. Wish you wouldn't go,Jenny . I have to, Forrest. Jenny ? Things got a little out of hand. It's just this war and that lying son of a bitch Johnson and-- I would never hurt you. You know that. Know what I think? I think... you should go home to Greenbow , Alabama! Forrest, we have very different lives, you know . I want you... to have this. Forrest, I can't keep this. I got it... just by doing what you told me to do. Why are you so good to me? You're my girl. I'll always be your girl. To everything, turn, turn, turn There is a season, turn, turn, turn And a time to every purpose Under heaven And just like that, she was gone out of my life again. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. I thought I was going back to Vietnam, but instead they decided the best way for me to fight the Communists was to play Ping-Pong, so I was in the special Services, traveling around the country, cheering up wounded veterans and showing'em how to play Ping-Pong. I was so good that some years later, the army decided I should be on the all-American Ping-Pong team. We were the first Americans to visit the land of China in a million years or something. Somebody said world peace was in our hands, but all I did was play Ping-Pong. When I got home, I was a national cele ity , famouser even than Captain Kangaroo. Here he is, Forrest Gump. Right here. Gump, have a seat. Forrest Gump, John Lennon. Welcome home. Can you tell us, um, what was China like ? In the land of China... people hardly got nothin'at all. No possessions? And in China, they never go to church. No religion, too? Oh. Hard to imagine. Well, it's easy if you try, Dick. Some years later, that nice young man from England was on his way home to see his little boy and was signing some autographs. For no particular reason at all, Somebody shot him. They gave you... the congressional Medal of Honor. Now, that's Lieutenant Dan. Lieutenant Dan! They gave you... the congressional Medal of Honor. Yes, sir. They surely did. They gave you, an imbecile, a moron who goes on television and makes a fool out of himself in front of the whole damn country, the Congressional Medal of Honor. Yes, sir. Well...that-- that's just perfect! Yeah, well, I just got one thing to say to that-- Goddamn bless America. Hey, hey ! Whoa-- Oh, God, whoa! Ow! Oh! Oh, God! Lieutenant Dan! Lieutenant Dan said he was living in a hotel and because he didn't have no legs, he spent most of his time exercising his arms. Make a right. Take a right! Hey ! Ah, ah! What do you do here in New York, Lieutenant Dan? I'm living off the government tit. Honk Hey, hey, hey, are you blind? I'm walking here ! Ah, get out! Come on. Go, go, go! Singing Silent Night I stayed with Lieutenant Dan and cele ated the holidays. You have a great year, and hurry home. God bless you. Have you found Jesus yet, Gump? I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for Him, sir. That's all these cripples down at the V. A.-- That's all they ever talk about. Jesus this and Jesus that. Ha. Have l...found Jesus? They even had a priest come and talk to me. He said God is listening, but I have to help myself. Now, if I accept Jesus into my heart , I'll get to walk beside Him in the kingdom of heaven. Did you hear what I said? Walk... beside Him in the kingdom of heaven. Well...kiss my crippled ass. God is listening? What a crock ofshit. I'm going to heaven, Lieutenant Dan. Oh? Well... before you go... why don't you get your ass down to the corner and get us more Ripple? Yes, sir. We're at approximately 45th Street in New York City at One Astor Plaza. This is the site of the old- - What the hell is in Bayou La Batre ? Shrimping boats. Shrimping boats? Who gives a shit about shrimping boats? I got to buy me one soon as I have some money . I promised Bubba in Vietnam that as soon as the war was over, we'd be partners . He'd be the captain and I'd be his first mate. But now that he's dead, I got to be the captain. A shrimp boat captain. Yes, sir. A promise is a promise, Lieutenant Dan. Now hear this! Private Gump here is gonna be a shrimp boat captain. Well, I tell you what, Gilligan. The day that you are a shrimp boat captain, I will come and be your first mate. Ha ha ha! If you're ever a shrimp boat captain, that's the day I'm an astronaut! Danny, what are you complaining about? Danny, how you doing, huh? Mr. Hot Wheels! Who's your friend? My name is Forrest. Forrest Gump. This is cunning Carla and long-limbs Lenore . So where you been, baby cakes, huh? Haven't seen you around lately. You should have been here for Christmas, 'cause Tommy bought a free round and gave everybody a turkey sandwich. Well, well, I had, uh... company . Hey! Hey, we was just there ! That's like Times Square . Don't you just love New Year's? You can start all over. Everybody gets a second chance. It's funny... but in the middle of all that fun, I began to think about Jenny, wondering how she was spending her New Year's night out in California. Don't you love her ways? Tell me what you say Don't you love her madly? Want to meet her daddy? Don't you love her face? Don't you love her as she's walkin' out the door? 9...8... 7...6... 5...4... 3...2... 1! Crowd Happy new year! Toot Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never ought to mind Happy new year, Lieutenant Dan! Should auld acquaintance be forgot ln days of auld lang syne Together we stand Divided we fall Come on now, people, let's Get on the ball And work together Come on, come on Let's work together Oh! What are you, stupid or something? What's your problem? What's his problem? Did you lose your packet in the war or something? Is your friend stupid or something? What did you say ? I said is your friend stupid or something? Don't call him stupid! Hey, don't push her! You shut up! Don't you ever call him stupid! Come on, baby , why you being so upset, huh? Get your goddamned clothes and get the hell out of here ! You should be in a sideshow . You're so pathetic! Get out of here ! You big guy ! Loser. You freak! Oh, no. No. I'm sorry I ruined your New Year's Eve party , Lieutenant Dan. She tastes like cigarettes. I guess Lieutenant Dan figured there's some things you just can't change. He didn't want to be called crippled just like I didn't want to be called stupid. Happy new year, Gump. The U.S. Ping-Pong team met with President Nixon today... Wouldn't you know it? A few months later, they invited me and the Ping-Pong team to visit the White House. So I went... again. And I met the president of the United States again. Only this time, they didn't get us rooms in a real fancy hotel. Are you enjoying yourself in our nation's capital, young man ? where are you staying? It's called the Hotel Ebbott. Oh, no, no, no. I know a much nicer hotel. It's and-new. Verymodern. I'll have my people take care of it. Security . Yeah. Sir, you might want to send a maintenance man over to that office across the way . The lights are off and they must be looking for a fuse box , 'cause them flashlights, they're keeping me awake . O.K., sir. I'll check it out. Thankyou. Good night. Therefore... I shall resign the presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as president at that hour in this office. Forrest Gump. Yes, sir! As you were . I have your discharge papers . Service is up, son. Does this mean I can't play Ping-Pong no more ? For the army, it does. Andjust like that, my service in the United States Army was over. So I went home. I'm home, Mama. I know. I know . Louise, he's here . Now, when I got home, I had no idea, but Mama had all sorts of visitors. We've had all sorts of visitors . Everybody wants you to use their Ping-Pong stuff. One man even left a check for $25,000 if you'd be agree able to saying you like using their paddle. I only like using my own paddle. Hi, Miss Louise. Hey, Forrest. I know that, but it's $25,000, Forrest. I thought maybe you could hold it for a while, see if it grows on you. That Mama, shesure was right. It's funny how things work out. I didn't stay home for long because I'd made apromise to Bubba, and I always try to keep my promise, so I went on down to Bayou La Batre to meet Bubba's family. Are you crazy or just plain stupid? Stupid is as stupid does, Mrs. Blue. I guess. And, of course, I paid my respect to Bubba himself. Hey, Bubba. It's me, Forrest Gump. I remember everything you said, and I got it all figured out. I'm taking $24,562.47 that I got, that's left after a new hair cut and a newsuit and to ok Mama out to a real fancy dinner, and I bought a bus ticket, then three Dr. Peppers. Tell me something. Are you stupid or something? Stupid is as stupid does, sir. That's what's left after me saying, When I was in China on the all-America Ping-Pong team, I just loved playing Ping-Pong with my Flex-O-Lite Ping-Pong paddle, which everybody knows isn't true, but Mama said it wasjust a little white lie, so it wasn't hurting nobody. So anyway , I'm putting all that on gas, ropes, and new nets and a and-new shrimping boat. Now Bubba told me everything he knew about shrimping, but you know what I found out ? Shrimping is tough. I only caught five . A couple more , you can have yourself a cocktail. Hey, you ever think about naming this old boat? It's bad luck to have a boat without a name. I'd never named a boat before, but there was only one I could think of, the most beautiful name in the wide world. Do a little dance Make a little love Get down tonight Get down tonight Do a little dance Make a little love Get down tonight Whoo Get down tonight... Now, I hadn't heard from Jenny in a long while, but I thought about hera lot. I hoped whatever she was doing made her happy. Oh, and the bird you cannot change And this bird you cannot change Lord knows I can't change Lord, help me, I can't change I thought about Jenny all the time. Hey ! Lieutenant Dan, what are you doing here ? Well, thought I'd try out my sea legs. Well, you ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Dan. Yes, I know that. You wrote me a letter, you idiot. Well, well. Captain Forrest Gump. I had to see this for myself... and... I told you if you were ever a shrimp boat captain, that I'd be your first mate. Well, here I am. I'm a man of my word . O.K. But don't you be thinking that I'm going to be calling you sir. No, sir. It's my boat. I have a feeling if we head due east, we'll find some shrimp, so take a left . Take a left ! Which way ? Over there ! They're over there ! Get on the wheel and take a left . O.K. Gump, what are you doing? Take a left ! Left ! That's where we're going to find those shrimp, my boy ! Ha ha! That's where we'll find them. Still no shrimp, Lieutenant Dan. O.K., so I was wrong. Well, how are we going to find them? Maybe you should just pray for shrimp. So pray that I'm homeward bound... So I went to church every Sunday. Sometimes Lieutenant Dan came, too, though I think he left the praying up to me. No shrimp. Where the hell's this God of yours ? It's funny Lieutenant Dan said that 'cause right then God showed up. Dan You'll never sink this boat! Now, me, I was scared, but Lieutenant Dan, he was mad. Come on! You call this a storm? Come on, you son of a bitch! It's time for a show down! You and me! I'm right here ! Come and get me! Ha ha! Ha ha! You'll never sink... this... boat! Ha ha ha ha! Hurricane Carmen came through here yesterday, destroying nearly everything in its path. And as in other towns up and down the coast, Bayou La Batre's entire shrimping industry has fallen victim to Carmen and has been left in utter ruin. This reporter has learned, in fact, only one shrimping boat actually survived the storm. Louise. Louise, there's Forrest. Gump After that, shrimping was easy. There will be great bounty Oh, my God... Since people still needed them shrimps for shrimp cocktails and barb ecues and all and we were the only boat left standing, Bubba Gump shrimp's what they got. We got a whole bunch of boats. 12 Jennys, big old warehouse. We even have hats that say Bubba Gump on them. Bubba Gump Shrimp. It's a household name. Hold on there, boy . Are you telling me you're the owner of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Corporation? Yes. We got more money than Davy Crockett. Boy, I heard some whoppers in my time, but that tops them all. Ha ha ha ha! We were sitting next to a millionaire . Well, I thought it was a very lovely story, and you tell it so well, with such enthusiasm. Would you like to see what Lieutenant Dan looks like ? Yes, I would. That's him right there . Let me tell you something about Lieutenant Dan. Forrest... I never thanked you for saving my life . He neveractually said so, but I think he made his peace with God. Gunshots For the second time in 17 days, President Ford escaped possible assassination today. Base to Jenny 1 . Base to Jenny 1 . Jenny 1. Go, Margo. Forrest has a phone call. Yeah, well, you'll have to tell them to call him back. He is indisposed at the moment. His mama's sick. Where's Mama? She's upstairs . Hi, Forrest. I'll see you tomorrow . Oh, all right. Sure got you straightened out, didn't we, boy ? What's the matter, Mama? I'm dying, Forrest. Come on in, sit down over here . Why are you dying, Mama? It's my time. It's just my time. Oh, now... don't you be afraid, sweet heart . Death is just a part of life . Something we're all destined to do. I didn't know it, but I was destined to be your mama. I did the best I could. You did good. Well...l happen to believe you make your own destiny . You have to do the best with what God gave you. What's my destiny, Mama? You're going to have to figure that out foryourself. Life is a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're going to get. Mama always hada way of explaining things so I could understand them. I will miss you, Forrest. She had got the cancer and died on a Tuesday. I bought her a new hat with little flowers on it. And that's all I have to say about that. Didn't you say you were waiting for the number 7 bus? There'll be another one along shortly. Now, because I had been a football star and war hero and national cele ity and a shrimping boat captain and a college graduate, the city fathers of Greenbow, Alabama, decided to get together and offered me a finejob. So I never went back to work for Lieutenant Dan, though he did take care of my Bubba Gump money. He got me invested in some kind of fruit company. So then I got a call from him saying we don't have to worry about money no more, and I said, That's good. One less thing. I've got a new hope... Now Mama said there's only so much fortune a man really needs, and the rest is just for showing off. So I gave a whole bunch of it to the Four square Gospel Church... and I gave a whole bunch to the Bayou La Batre Fishing Hospital... and even though Bubba was dead and Lieutenant Dan said I was nuts, I gave Bubba's mama Bubba's share. You know what? She didn't have to work in nobody's kitchen no more. That smells wonderful. And'cause I was a gozillionaire and lliked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free. But at night time when there was nothing to do and the house was all empty, I'd always think of Jenny. And then...she was there. Hello, Forrest. Hello, Jenny . Jenny came back and stayed with me. Maybe it was because she had no where else to go, or maybe it was because she was so tired 'cause she went to bed and slept and slept like she hadn't slept in years. It was wonderful having her home. Every day we'd take a walk, and I'd jabber on like a monkey in a tree, and she'd listen about Ping-Ponging and shrimping and Mama making a trip up to heaven. I did all the talking. Jenny most of the time was real quiet. How could you do this? Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks. I never really knew why she came back, but I didn't care. It was like olden times. We was like peas and carrots again. Every day, I'd pick pretty flowers and put them in her room for her, and she gave me the best gift anyone could ever get in the wide world. They're made just for running. Carry me home to see my kin And she even showed me how to dance. I miss ol'Bammy once again And I think it's a sin Sweet home Alabama... Well, we was like family, Jenny and me... and it was the happiest time in my life. You done watching it? Mm-hmm. I'm going to bed. Will you marry me? I'd make a good husband, Jenny . You would, Forrest. But you won't marry me. You don't want to marry me. Why don't you love me,Jenny ? I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is. Jenny-- Forrest, I do love you. Where are you running offto? I'm not running. That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road, and when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town. TV President Carter, suffering from heat exhaustion-- And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run across Greenbow County. Now, I figured since I'd run this far, maybe I'd just run across the great state of Alabama. And that's what I did. I ran clear across Alabama. No particular reason. I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured since I'd gone this far, might as well turn around, just keep on going. And when I got to another ocean, I figured since I'd gone this far... I might as well just turn back and keep right on going. when I got tired, I slept. when I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go... you know... I went. And so... you just ran. Yeah. Lookin' out at the road rushin' under my wheels Lookin' back at the years gone by Like so many summer fields ln'65, I was 17 And runnin' up one on one I don't know where I'm runnin' now I'm just runnin' on Runnin' on Runnin' on empty Runnin' on Runnin' dry Runnin' on... I'd think a lot... about Mama and Bubba and Lieutenant Dan. But most of all, I thought about Jenny. I thought about her a lot. For more than two years, a man named Forrest Gump, a gardener from Greenbow, Alabama, stopping only to sleep, has been running across America. Charles Cooper ings you this report. For the fourth time on his journey across America, Forrest Gump, the gardener from Greenbow, Alabama, is about to cross the Mississippi River again today. I'll be damned. Forrest? Sir, where are you running? Are you doing this for world peace? Are you doing this for the homeless? Are you running for women's rights? The environment? they just couldn't believe that Somebody would do all that running for no particular reason. Why are you doing this? I just felt like running. I just felt like runnin'. That's you. I can't believe it's really you. Now...for some reason, what I was doing seemed to... make sense to people. It was like an alarm went off in my head. I said, Here's a guy that's got his act together. Here's somebody who has the answer. I'll follow you anywhere, Mr. Gump. So I got company. And after that, I got more company. And then, even more people joined in. Somebody later told me it gave people hope. Now-- Now, I don't know anything about that, but some of those people asked me if I could help them out. I was wondering if you might help me. I'm in the bumper sticker business. I need a good slogan, and since you've been so inspirational, I thought you might be able to help me-- Whoa, man! You just ran through a big pile of dog shit! It happens. What, shit? Sometimes. And someyears later, I heard that that fella did come up with a bumper sticker slogan and made a lot of money off of it. Another time, I was running along. Somebody who'd lost all his money in the T-shirt business, he wanted toput my face on a T-shirt, but he couldn't draw that well, and he didn't have a camera. Here, use this one. Nobody likes that color anyway . Horn Honks Have a nice day . Someyears later, I found out that that man did come up with an idea for a T-shirt. He made a lot of money. Anyway, like I was saying, I had a lot of company. My mama always said, You got to put the past behind you before you can move on. And I think that's what my running was all about. I had run for three years... two months.... 14days, and 16 hours. Quiet. Quiet. He's going to say something. I'm pretty tired. Think I'll go home now . Now what are we supposed to do? And just like that... my runnin' days was over. So I went home to Alabama. TV Moments ago, at 2.:25 P.M. , as President Reagan was leaving the- - Gunshots Five or six gunshots were fired by an unknown, would-be assassin. The president was shot in the chest- - I picked up the mail. And one day, out of the blue clear sky, I got a letter from Jenny wondering if I could come down to Savannah and see her, and that's what I'm doing here . Uh-huh. She saw me on TV... running. I'm supposed to go on the number 9 bus to Richmond Street and get offand go one block left to 1947 Henry Street... apartment 4. Why, you don't need to take a bus. Henry Street is just five or six blocks... down that way . Down that way ? Down that way . It was nice talking to you. Horn Honks I hope everything works out for you! Hey ! Forrest! How you doin'? Come in! Come in! I got your letter. Oh, I was wondering about that. This your house? Yeah. It's messy right now . I just got off work. It's nice. You got air-conditioning. Uh-- Thankyou. I ate some. I, uh, kept--kept a scrap book of--of your clippings and... everything. There you are . Yes, I got you running. I ran a long way . It's a long time. There-- Listen, Forrest, I don't know how to say this. Um-- I just... I want to apologize for anything that I ever did to you'cause... I was messed up... for a long time, and-- Knock On Door Yoo-hoo! Hey ! Hi. Hey, you. This is my old friend from Alabama. How do you do? Jenny Next week my schedule changes, so I can-- No problem. Got to go. I'm double-parked. O.K. Thanks . This is my very good friend Mr. Gump. Can you say hi? Hello, Mr. Gump. Hello. Can I go watch TV now ? Yes.Just keep it low . You're a mama,Jenny . I'm a mama. His name's Forrest. Like me! I named him after his daddy. He got a daddy named Forrest, too? You're his daddy, Forrest. Hey-- Forrest, look at me. Look at me, Forrest. There's nothing you need to do. You didn't do anything wrong. O.K. ? Isn't he beautiful? He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But... is--is he s-smart? Like, can he... He's very smart . He's one of the smartest in his class. Yeah, it's O.K. Go talk to him. What are you watching? Bert and Ernie. Forrest... I'm sick. What, do you have a cough due to a cold? I have some kind of virus, and the doctors , they don't know what it is, and there isn't anything they can do about it. You could come home with me. Jenny, you and... little Forrest could come stay at my house in Greenbow . I'll take care ofyou if you're sick. Would you marry me, Forrest? O.K. Man Please take your seats. Forrest? It's time to start . Hi. Your tie. Lieutenant Dan. Lieutenant Dan. Hello, Forrest. You got new legs. New legs! Yeah. I got new legs. Custom-made. Titanium alloy . It's what they use on the space shuttle. Magic legs. This... is my fiancee. Susan. Lieutenant Dan. Hi, Forrest. Lieutenant Dan... this is myJenny . Hi. It's nice to meet you finally. Do you, Forrest, takeJenny to be your wife ? Do you,Jenny, take Forrest to be your husband? And so I pronounce you man and wife . Hi. Hi. Hey, Forrest... were you scared in Vietnam? Yes. Well, l-- I don't know . Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out... and th en it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bayou. there was always a million sparkles on the water... like that mountain lake. It was so clear, Jenny, it looked like there were two skies one on top of the other. And then in the desert , when the sun comes up... I couldn't tell where heaven stopped and the earth began. It's so beautiful. I wish I could've been there with you. You were . I love you. Gump You died on a Saturday morning. And I had you placed here under our tree. And I had that house of your father' s bulldozed to the ground. Mama... always said that dyin' was a part of life . I sure wish it wasn't. Little Forrest is... doing just fine. But... About to start school again so on, and... and I make his eakfast, lunch, and dinner every day . I make sure he... combs his hair and ushes his teeth every day . Teaching him how to play Ping-Pong. He's really good. Uh, Forrest, you go. Uhh! We fish a lot. And every night, we read a book. He's so smart,Jenny . You'd be so proud of him. I am. He, uh, wrote you a...a letter. And he says I can't read it. I'm not supposed to, so I'll just leave it here foryou. Jenny... I don't know if Mama was right or if it--it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know... if we each have a... destiny... or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a eeze... but I--I think... maybe it's both. Maybe both get happening at the same time. But I miss you,Jenny . If there's anything you need... I won't be far away . Birds Chirping Here's your bus. O.K. Hey... I know this. I'm gonna share that for show-and-tell because Grandma used to read it to you. My favorite book. Here we are . Hey... here you go. Hey, Forrest... don't-- I want to tell you I love you. I love you, too, Daddy. I'll be right here when you get back. Pop You understand this is the bus to school, now, don't you? Of course, and you're Dorothy Harris, and I'm Forrest Gump.

- Wow. - Mmm. - Wow. - Mm-hmm. - Wow. - Yes, Marlin. No, I see it. It's beautiful. So, Coral, when you said you wanted an ocean view... you didn't think you'd get the whole ocean, did you? Oh, yeah. A fish can eathe out here. Did your man deliver, or did he deliver? - My man delivered. - And it wasn't so easy. Because a lot of other clownfish had their eyes on this place. You better believe they did... every single one of them. Mm-hmm. You did good. And the neighborhood is awesome. So, you do like it, don't you? No, no. I do, I do. I really do like it. But, Marlin, I know that the drop off is desirable... with the great schools and the amazing view... but do we really need so much space? But do we really need so much space? Coral, honey, these are our kids we're talking about. They deserve the best. Look, look, look. They'll wake up, poke their little heads out... and they see a whale! Right by their bedroom window. And they see a whale! Right by their bedroom window. Shh. You'll wake the kids. Oh, right, right. Aw, look. They're dreaming. We still have to name them. You want to name all of them right now? All right, we'll name this half Marlin Junior... and this half Coral Junior. - OK, we're done. - I like Nemo. Nemo. We'll name one Nemo... but I'd like most of them to be Marlin Junior. Just think, in a couple of days... - we're going to be parents. - Yeah. What if they don't like me? - Marlin. - No, really. There's over 400 eggs. Odds are, one will like you. What? - You remember how we met? - I try not to. Well, I remember. Excuse me, miss... can you check and see if I have a hook in my lip? You got a little closer because it was wiggling. - Get away, get away! - Here he is. Cutie's here. Where did everybody go? Coral, get inside the house. No, Coral, don't. They'll be fine. Just get inside... You, right now. No! Ow! Oh! Ooh! Ooh! Coral! Coral? Coral? Coral? Coral? Coral? Oh! Ohh. There, there, there. It's OK. Daddy's here. Daddy's got you. I promise, I will never let anything happen to you... Nemo. First day of school! Wake up, wake up! First day of school. I don't want to go to school... five more minutes. Not you, Dad, me. - OK. Huh? - Get up, get up. It's time for school, time for school. All right, I'm up. Whoa! - Nemo! - First day of school! - Nemo, don't move. - Unh! Unh! You'll never get out of there yourself. I'll do it. Unh! - You feel a eak? - No. Sometimes you can't tell 'cause fluid rushes to the area. - Are you woozy? - No. - How many stripes do I have? - I'm fine. - Answer the stripe question. - Three. No! See? Something's wrong with you. I have one, two, three... That's all I have? You're OK. How's the lucky fin? - Lucky. - Let's see. Are you sure you want to go to school this year? There's no problem if you don't. You can wait 5 or 6 years. Come on, Dad, it's time for school. - Forgot to ush. - Ohh. Do you want this anemone to sting you? - Yes. - Brush. - OK, I'm done. - You missed a spot. - Where? - There. - Where? - There. Ha ha! Right there. And here and here. All right, we're excited. All right, we're excited. The first day of school. Here we go. We're ready to learn to get some knowledge. What's the one thing we have to remember about the ocean? - It's not safe. - That's my boy. First, we check to see that the coast is clear. We go out... and back in. And then we go out... and back in. And then one more time... out and back in. And sometimes, if you want to do it four times... - Dad... - All right, come on, boy. Maybe while I'm at school, I'll see a shark. - I highly doubt that. - Have you ever met a shark? No, and I don't plan to. - How old are sea turtles? - I don't know. Sandy Plankton from next door... he says that sea turtles live to be about 100 years old. He says that sea turtles live to be about 100 years old. If I ever meet a sea turtle, I'll ask him. After I'm done talking to the shark, OK? Whoa! Hold on. Wait to cross. Whoa! Hold on. Wait to cross. Hold my fin. Dad, you're not going to freak out... like you did at the petting zoo, are you? That snail was about to charge. Hmm. I wonder where we're supposed to go. Bye, Mom! I'll pick you up after school. Ha ha! Come on, you guys, stop it! Give it back! Come on, we'll try over there. Excuse me, is this where we meet his teacher? Well, look who's out of the anemone. Yes. Shocking, I know. Yes. Shocking, I know. - Marty, right? - Marlin. - Bob. - Ted. Bill. Hey, you're a clownfish. You're funny, right? Tell us a joke. - Yeah. - Yeah. Well, actually, that's a common misconception. Clownfish are no funnier than any other fish. - Come on, clownie. - Do something funny. All right, I know one joke. There's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea... He doesn't walk up, he swims up. Actually, the mollusk isn't moving. He's in one place, and then the sea cucumber... Well, they... I'm mixed up. There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that l... None of them were walking, so forget that l... Sheldon! Get out of Mr. Johannsen's yard now! - Whoa! - All right, you kids! Ooh, where'd you go? Dad, can I go play, too? Can I? I would feel better if you'd play on the sponge beds. That's where I would play. - What's wrong with his fin? - He looks funny. Ow! Hey, what'd I do? Be nice. It's his first time at school. He was born with it. We call it his lucky fin. - Dad... - See this tentacle? It's actually shorter than all my other tentacles... but you can't really tell. Especially when I twirl them like this. I'm H-2-O intolerant. - Ah-choo! - I'm obnoxious. Oh Let's name the zones, the zones, the zones Let's name the zones of the open sea Mr. Ray! - Come on, Nemo. - You better stay with me. Mesopelagic, bathyal, abyssalpelagic All the rest are too deep for you and me to see Huh. I wonder where my class has gone? We're under here! Oh, there you are. Climb aboard, explorers. Oh, knowledge exploring Is, oh, so lyrical When you think thoughts that are empirical Dad, you can go now. - Hello. Who is this? - I'm Nemo. Nemo, all new explorers must answer a science question. - OK. - You live in what kind of home? An anemon-none. A nemenem-menome. OK, don't hurt yourself. Welcome aboard, explorers. Just so you know, he's got a little fin. I find if he's having trouble swimming... I let him take a eak, 10, 15 minutes. Dad, it's time for you to go now. Don't worry. We're gonna stay together as a group. OK, class, optical orbits up front. And remember, we keep our supraesophogeal ganglion... to ourselves. That means you, Jimmy. Aw, man! Aw, man! Bye, Nemo! Bye, Dad! Bye, son! Be safe. You're doing pretty well for a first-timer. You can't hold on to them forever, can you? I had a tough time with my oldest out at the drop off. They got to grow up... The drop off? They're going to the drop off? What are you, insane? Why don't we fry them up now and serve them with chips? Hey, Marty, calm down. Don't tell me to be calm, pony boy. Pony boy? For a clownfish, he really isn't that funny. Pity. Oh Let's name the species, the species, the species Let's name the species that live in the sea Whoa. There's Porifera, coelenterata, hydrozoa, scyphozoa Anthozoa, ctenophora, yozoas, three Gastropoda, arthropoda, echinoderma And some fish like you and me Come on, sing with me. Oh Just the girls this time. Oh, seaweed is cool Seaweed is fun It makes its food OK, the drop off. All right, kids, feel free to explore... but stay close. Stromalitic cyanobacteria! Gather. An entire ecosystem contained in one infinitesimal speck. There are as many protein pairs contained in this... Come on, let's go. Come on, sing with me! There's porifera, coelenterata Hydrozoa, scyphozoa Anthozoa, ctenophora, yozoas, three Hey, guys, wait up! Whoa. Cool. Saved your life! Aw, you guys made me ink. What's that? I know what that is. Sandy Plankton saw one. He said it was called a butt. - Whoa. - Wow. That's a pretty big butt. Oh, look at me. I'm going to touch the butt. - Ah-choo! Whoa! - Ha ha ha! Oh, yeah? Let's see you get closer. OK. Beat that. Come on, Nemo. How far can you go? My dad says it's not safe. - Nemo! No! - Dad? You were about to swim into open water. No, I wasn't... Good thing I was here. If I hadn't shown up... - He wasn't going to go. - He was too afraid. No, I wasn't. This does not concern you, kids... and you're lucky I don't tell your parents. You know you can't swim well. I can swim fine, Dad, OK? No, it's not OK. You shouldn't be near here. OK, I was right. You'll start school in a year or two. No, Dad! Just because you're scared of the ocean... Clearly, you're not ready... Clearly, you're not ready... and you're not coming back until you are. You think you can do these things... but you just can't, Nemo! I hate you. There's Nothing to see. Gather. Over there. Excuse me. Is there anything I can do? I am a scientist, sir. Is there any problem? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt things. He isn't a good swimmer, and it's a little too soon... for him to be out here unsupervised. MR. I can assure you, he's quite safe with me. I'm sure he is, but you have a large class... and he can get lost from sight if you're not looking. I'm not saying you're not looking. I'm not saying you're not looking. Oh, my gosh! Nemo's swimming out to sea! Nemo! What do you think you're doing? You'll get stuck out there... and I'll have to get you before another fish does. Get back here! I said get back here now! Stop! You take one more move, mister... Don't you dare! If you put one fin on that boat... Are you listening to me? Don't touch the bo... Nemo! He touched the butt. You paddle your little tail right back here, Nemo. That's right. You are in big trouble, young man. Do you hear me? Big... - Big... - ! ! Daddy! Help me! I'm coming, Nemo! - ! - Get under me, kids! ! Oh! No! Dad! Daddy! Oh! Nemo! Unh. Nemo! Nemo, no! Nemo! Nemo! Nemo! No! No! ! Uhh. Nemo! Nemo! Whoa! Hold on. Oh, no. No. No, it's gone. It's gone. No, no, it can't be gone. No, no! Nemo! Nemo! Nemo! Nemo! Nemo! No! Nemo! Nemo! No! No, please, no! No, no! Has anybody seen a boat? Please! A white boat! They took my son! My son! Help me, please. - Look out! - What? Ooh. Ohh. Ohh. Oh, oh. Sorry. I didn't see you. - Sir? Are you OK? - He's gone, he's gone. There, there. It's all right. - He's gone. - It'll be OK. No, no. They took him away. I have to find the boat. A boat? Hey, I've seen a boat. - You have? - It passed by not too long ago. - A white one? - Hi. I'm Dory. Where? Which way? Oh, oh, oh. It went this way. It went this way. Follow me. Thank you. Thank you, thank you so much. No problem. Hey... Wait! - Will you quit it? - What? I'm trying to swim here. Ocean isn't big enough for you? You got a problem, buddy? Huh? Huh? You got a problem, buddy? Huh? Huh? Do you? Do you? You want a piece of me? Ooh, I'm scared now. What? - Wait a minute. - Stop following me, OK? What? You're showing me where the boat went. A boat? Hey, I've seen a boat. A boat? Hey, I've seen a boat. It passed by not too long ago. It went this way. It went this way. Follow me. Wait a minute. What is going on? You already told me which way the boat was going. I did? Oh, no. If this is some kind of practical joke, it's not funny. And I know funny. I'm a clownfish. No, it's not. I know it's not. I'm so sorry. See, I suffer from short-term memory loss. Short-term memory loss. I don't believe this. No, it's true. I forget things almost instantly. It runs in my family. At least, I think it does. Um, hmm. Where are they? Can I help you? Something's wrong with you... really. You're wasting my time. I have to find my son. Hello. - Ohh. - Well, hi! Name's Bruce. It's all right. I understand. Why trust a shark, right? So, what's a couple of bites like you... doing out so late, eh? We're not doing anything. We're not even out. Great! Then how'd you morsels... like to come to a little get-together I'm having? You mean, like a party? Yeah, right. A party. What do you say? I love parties. That sounds like fun. Parties are fun, and it's tempting, but... Oh, come on, I insist. OK. That's all that matters. Hey, look, balloons. It is a party. Ha ha ha ha! Mind your distance, though. Those balloons can be a bit dodgy. You wouldn't want one of them to pop. Oh. Ohh. Anchor! Chum! There you are, Bruce. Finally. - We got company. - It's about time, mate. We've already gone through the snacks... We've already gone through the snacks... and I'm still starving. We almost had a feeding frenzy. Come on, let's get this over with. Right, then. The meeting has officially come to order. Let us all say the pledge. I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image... I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food. Except stinkin' dolphins. Dolphins. Yeah. They think they're so cute. Look at me. I'm a flippin' little dolphin. Let me flip for you. Ain't I something? Right, then. Today's meeting is Step 5... Bring a Fish Friend. Do you all have your friends? Got mine. - Hey, there. - How about you, Chum? Oh, I... seem to have misplaced my friend. That's all right, Chum. I had a feeling this would be a difficult step. You can help yourself to one of my friends. Thanks, mate. A little chum for Chum, eh? I'll start the testimonies. Hello. My name is Bruce. Hello, Bruce. It has been three weeks since my last fish. On my honor, or may I be chopped up and made into soup. - You're an inspiration! - Amen. Right, then. Who's next? Pick me, pick me. Yes. The little Sheila down the front. - Whoo! - Come on up here. Hi. I'm Dory. - Hello, Dory. - And, uh, well... I don't think I've ever eaten a fish. - That's incredible. - Good on you, mate. I'm glad I got that off my chest. All right, anyone else? How about you, mate? What's your problem? Me? I don't have a problem. Oh, OK. - Denial. - ! Just start with your name. OK. Uh, hello. My name is Marlin. I'm a clownfish. - A clownfish? Really? - Tell us a joke. I love jokes. I actually do know one that's pretty good. There was this mollusk... and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers... but in a joke, everyone talks... so the sea mollusk says to the cucumber... Daddy! Nemo! Nemo! Ha ha! Nemo! I don't get it. For a clownfish, he's not that funny. No, no, no, no. He's my son. He was taken by these divers. Oh, my. You poor fish. Humans... think they own everything. Probably American. Now, there is a father... Looking for his little boy. Now, there is a father... Looking for his little boy. What do these markings mean? I never knew my father! - Group hug. - We're all mates here, mate. I can't read human. We got to find a fish that can read this. - Hey, look, sharks. - No, no, no, Dory! - Guys, guys. - No, Dory. That's mine. Give it to me. Gimme! Ow! Oh, I'm sorry. Are you OK? - Ow, ow, ow. - I'm so sorry. You really clocked me there. Am I bleeding? - Ohh. - Ow, ow, ow. Dory, are you OK... Ohh. Ohh, that's good. Ohh, that's good. Intervention! - Just a bite. - Hold it together, mate! Remember, Bruce, fish are friends, not food! - Food! - Dory, look out! - Food! - Dory, look out! - ! - I'm having fish tonight! Remember the steps, mate! ! - ! Whoa! - ! - Just one bite! - ! G'day. Grr! There's no way out! There's got to be a way to escape! Who is it? Dory, help me find a way out! Sorry. Come back later. We're trying to escape. - There's got to be a way out! - Here's something. Es-cap-e. I wonder what that means. Funny. It's spelled just like escape. - Let's go. - ! Here's Brucey! Wait a minute. You can read? I can read? That's right. I can read! Well, then, here. Read this now. - ! - Ohh! He really doesn't mean it. He never even knew his father. Don't fall off the wagon! - ! - ! Oh, no, it's blocked! Oh, no, it's blocked! No, Bruce, focus. Sorry about Bruce, mate. He's really a nice guy. I need to get that mask. You want that mask? OK. No, no, no, no, no, no! Quick, grab the mask! Oh, no. Bruce? What? Swim away! Swim away! Aw, is the party over? Nice. Dad? Daddy? Huh? ! Uhh! Uhh! - Barbara. - Uh-huh? Prep for his anterior crown, would you, please? And I'm going to need a few more cotton rolls. OK. Hello, little fella. ! Heh heh heh! Beauty, isn't he? I found that guy struggling for life... out on the reef, and I saved him. So, has that Novocaine kicked in yet? I think so. We're ready to roll. Bubbles! My bubbles. He likes bubbles. ! Ohh! No! Uhh! - Bonjour. - ! Slow down, little fella. There's nothing to worry about. - He's scared to death. - I want to go home. Do you know where my dad is? Honey, your dad's probably back at the pet store. Pet store? Yeah, you know, like, I'm from Bob's Fish Mart. - Pet Palace. - Fish-O-Rama. - Mail order. - Ebay. - So, which one is it? - I'm from the ocean. Ah, the ocean. The ocean? ! ! ! He hasn't been decontaminated. Jacques! - Oui. - Clean him! Oui. - Ocean. - Ooh, la mer. Bon. Voila. He is clean. Wow. The big blue. What's it like? - Big and blue? - I knew it. If there's anything you need, just ask your Auntie Deb. Or if I'm not around, you can talk to my sister Flo. Hi. How are you? Don't listen to anything my sister says. She's nuts. Ha ha ha ha! We got a live one. - Can't hear you, Peach. - I said we got a live one. - Boy, oh, boy. - What do we got? Root canal... and by the looks of those x-rays... it's not going to be pretty. Ow! - Dam and clamp installed? - Yep. - What did he use to open? - Gator-Glidden drill. He seems to favor that one lately. I can't see, Flo. You're getting a little too... ! Now he's doing the Schilder technique. He's using a Hedstrom file. That's not a Hedstrom file. That's a K-Flex. It has a teardrop cross-section. Clearly a Hedstrom. - No, no, K-Flex. - Hedstrom. - K-Flex! - Hedstrom! There I go. A little help, over here. I'll go deflate him. All right. Go ahead and rinse. Oh, the human mouth is a disgusting place. - Hey, Nigel. - What did I miss? Root canal... a doozy. Root canal? What did he use to open? - Gator-Glidden drill. - He's favoring that one. Hope he doesn't get surplus sealer at the portal terminus. - Hello. Who's this? - New guy. Ha ha ha! The dentist took him off the reef. An outie. From my neck of the woods, eh? Sorry if I ever took a snap at you. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta eat. Hey! No, no, no, no! They're not your fish. They're my fish. Come on, go. Go on, shoo! Aw, the picture oke. This here's Darla. She's my niece. She's going to be eight this week. Hey, little fella. Say hello to your new mummy. She'll be here Friday to pick you up. You're her present. Shh, shh, shh. It's our little secret. Well, Mr. Tucker, while that sets up... I'm going to see a man about a wallaby. Oh, Darla. What? What's wrong with her? She wouldn't stop shaking the bag. - Poor Chuckles. - He was her present last year. Hitched a ride on the porcelain express. She's a fish killer. I can't go with that girl. I have to get back to my dad. ! Daddy! Help me! Oh, he's stuck. Nobody touch him. Nobody touch him. Can you help me? No. You got yourself in there. No. You got yourself in there. You can get yourself out. - Gill... - I want to see him do it. Calm down. Alternate wiggling your fins and your tail. I can't. I have a bad fin. Never stopped me. Just think about what you need to do. Come on. Perfect. - Yay! - You did it! Good squirming. Ha ha ha! Wow. From the ocean... just like you, Gill. Yeah. I've seen that look before. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking... tonight, we give the kid a proper reception. So, kid, you got a name or what? Nemo. I'm Nemo. Nemo. Nemo. Are you gonna eat that? - Careful with that hammer. - Huh? No, no. What does it say? Dory! A sea monkey has my money. Wake up. Get up. Come on. Come on! - Yes, I'm a natural blue. - Get up! Look out! Sharks eat fish! ! - ! - ! ! Wow. Dusty. The mask. Where's the mask? No! No, not the mask! Get it! Get the mask! Get the mask! Get it! Hoo doot doo doot doot doo doot Whoo-hoo! La la la la la la It just keeps going on, doesn't it? Echo! Echo! Hey, what you doing? It's gone. I've lost the mask. - Did you drop it? - You dropped it! That was my only chance of finding my son. Now it's gone. Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills... when life gets you down, know what you got to do? - I don't want to know. - Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming What do we do? We swim, swim Dory, no singing. Ho ho ho ho ho ho I love to swim When you want to swim See, I'm going to get stuck now with that song. - Now it's in my head. - Sorry. Dory, do you see anything? - ! Something's got me. - That was me. I'm sorry. - Who's that? - Who could it be? It's me. Are you my conscience? Yeah, yeah. I'm your conscience. We haven't spoken for a while. How are you? - Can't complain. - Yeah? Good. Now, Dory, I want you to tell me... Do you see anything? I see a... I see a light. - A light? - Yeah. Over there. - Hey, conscience, am I dead? - No. I see it, too. What is it? It's so pretty. I'm feeling... happy... which is a big deal for me. I want to touch it. - Oh. - Ooh. Hey, come back. Come on back here. I'm gonna get you I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna swim with you I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna be your best friend Good feeling's gone. - Whoa! - Waah! I can't see! I don't know where I'm going! Haah! Haah! - The mask! - What mask? OK, I can't see a thing. - Oh, gee. - Hey, look, a mask. Read it! I'm sorry, but if you could just... ing it a little closer, I kind of need the light. Bring it a little closer, I kind of need the light. That's great. Keep it right there. - Just read it! - OK, OK. Mr. Bossy. Uh, P. OK. P. Sher... Sher... P. Sher... P. Shirley? P... Oh. The first line's P. Sherman. P. Sherman doesn't make any sense! OK. Second line. 42. Don't eat me. Don't eat me. ! Light, please! Walla... walla... Waah! Waah! Waah! The second line's 42 Wallaby Way. That's great. Speed read. Take a guess. No pressure. No problem. There's a lot of pressure. Pressure! Take a guess now with pressure! - Sydney! It's Sydney! - Duck! ! I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead. I died. I'm dead. Whoo-hoo! We did it, we did it Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah No eating here tonight, whoo! BO Eating here tonight No, no, no, eating here tonight - Dory. - You on a diet Dory! What did the mask say? P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. I remembered what it said! I usually forget things, but I remembered it! Whoa, whoa, wait. Where is that? I don't know. But who cares? I remembered. - Raar! - ! P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. I remembered it again! Psst. Nemo. Mmm... Nemo - Huh? - Suivez-moi. Follow me. Ha hwa ha Ha hwa ha Ha hwa ha Ha hwa ha Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ho ha Hahoo wahoo yahoo ho Hahoo wahoo yahoo ho Hahoo ho ho wahoo ha hee Ha ho wahee ha ho ho ho Hoo! State your name. Nemo. Brother Bloat, proceed. Nemo, newcomer of orange and white... you have been called forth... to the summit of Mount Wannahockaloogie... to join with us in the fraternal bonds of tankhood. - Huh? - We want you in our club, kid. - Really? - Lf... you are able to swim through... The Ring of Fire! Turn on the Ring of Fire! You said you could do it. The Ring of Fire! Bubbles, let me... Oh! Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Ha hwa ha ho ho ho Isn't there another way? He's just a boy! From this moment on, you will be known as Sharkbait. Sharkbait, oo-ha-ha! Welcome, Brother Sharkbait. Sharkbait, oo-ha-ha! - Enough with the Sharkbait. - Sharkbait! Ooh... ba-ba-do. Sharkbait's one of us now, agreed? - Agreed. - We can't send him to his death. Darla's coming in five days. So, what are we going to do? I'll tell you what we're gonna do... we're gonna get him out of here. - We'll help him escape. - Escape? Really? We're all gonna escape. Gill, please. Not another escape plan. Sorry, but they just never work. Why should this be any different? Why should this be any different? - Because we've got him. - Me? - You see that filter? - Yeah. You're the only one who can get in and out of that thing. We need you to take a pebble inside there... and jam the gears. You do that, and this tank's gonna get... filthier and filthier by the minute. Pretty soon, the dentist'll have to clean the tank... and when he does, he'll take us out of the tank... put us in individual baggies... then we'll roll ourselves down the counter... out the window, off the awning... into the bushes, across the street... and into the harbor! It's foolproof. Who's with me? - Aye! - Aye! I think you're nuts. No offense, kid, but you're not the best swimmer. He's fine. He can do this. So, Sharkbait, what do you think? Let's do it. I'm going to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Where are you going? I'm going to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. If you ask where I'm going... I'll tell you that's where I'm going. It's P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Where? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Excuse me. Hi. Do you know how to get... Hello? Whoa. Wait. Can you tell me... Hey! Hold it! I'm trying to talk to you! Fellas, come back here. One quick question. I need to... And they're gone again. P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Why do I have to tell you over and over again? I'll tell you again. I don't get tired of it... - OK, all right. - Huh? - Here's the thing. - Uh-huh. I think it's best if I carry on from here by... by myself. OK. - You know, alone. - Uh-huh. Without... without... I mean, not without you. But I don't want you... with me. - Huh? - Am I... I don't want to hurt your feelings. - You want me to leave? - I mean, not... Yes. I just can't afford any more delays... and you're one of those fish that cause delays. Sometimes it's a good thing. There's a whole group of fish. They're delay fish. You mean... You mean you don't like me? No, of course I like you. It's because I like you I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated emotion. - Ohh! - Don't cry. I like you. Hey, you! Lady, is this guy bothering you? Um... I don't remember. Were you? No, no, no, no, no. We're just... Do you guys know how I can get to... Look, pal, we're talking to the lady, not you. Hey, hey. You like impressions? Mm-hmm. Just like in rehearsals, gentlemen. So what are we? Take a guess. Oh, oh. I've seen one of those. I'm a fish with a nose like a sword. - Wait, wait, um... - It's a swordfish! Hey, clown boy, let the lady guess. Hey, clown boy, let the lady guess. Where's the butter? Ooh! It's on the tip of my tongue! - Lobster. - Saw that! Lots of legs! Live in the ocean. - Clam! - Close enough! Oh, it's a whale of a tale I'll tell you, lad... They're good. Will somebody please give me directions?! Will somebody please give me directions?! - Ha ha ha ha ha! - I'm serious! Blah blah blah, me, me, blah! Blah blah blah, me, me, me! Thank you. Oh, dear. Hey! Hey, come back! - Hey, what's the matter? - What's the matter? - Hey, what's the matter? - What's the matter? While they're doing their silly little impressions... I am miles from home with a fish that can't remember her name! I bet that's frustrating. Meanwhile, my son is out there. - Your son Chico? - Nemo? But it doesn't matter because no fish... in this entire ocean is going to help me. Well, I'm helping you. Wait right here. - Guys! - Is he bothering you again? No, no. He's a good guy. Go easy on him. He's lost his son Fabio. Go easy on him. He's lost his son Fabio. Any of you heard of P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney? Sydney? Oh, sure! Ted here's got relatives in Sydney. - Don't you, Ted? - Sure do! Oh! Hey! They know Sydney! You wouldn't know how to get there, would you? You want to follow the E.A.C. That's the East Australian Current. Big current. Can't miss it. It's in... that direction. And then you follow that for about... I don't know. What do you guys think? About three leagues? That little baby will put you right past Sydney. - Ta-da! - That's great! Dory, you did it! Oh, please, I'm just your little helper. - Helping along. That's me. - Fellas, thank you. Don't mention it! Just loosen up, OK, buddy? Oh, you guys. You really nailed him. Bye. Oh, hey, ma'am. One more thing. When you come to this trench, swim through it, not over it. Trench... through it, not over it. I'll remember. Hey, hey! Hey, wait up, partner! Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! I gotta tell you something. Whoa. Nice trench. Hello! - OK, let's go. - No, no. Bad trench. Come on, we'll swim over this thing. Whoa, partner. Little red flag going up. Something's telling me to swim through it, not over it. Are you looking at this thing? It's got death written all over it. I really, really, really think we should swim through. And I'm really, really done talking about this. Over we go. - Trust me on this. - Trust you? Yes, trust. It's what friends do. Look! Something shiny! - Where? - It just swam over the trench. - Come on, we'll follow it! - OK! Boy, it sure is clear up here. Exactly. And look at that... there's the current. We should be there in no time. Hey, little guy. You wanted to go through the trench. I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine. And he shall be my Squishy. Come here, Squishy. Come here, little Squishy. Ow! - That's a jellyfish! - Bad Squishy! Shoo, shoo! Get away! - Let me see that. - Don't touch it. I won't touch it. I just want to look. Hey! How come it didn't sting you? It did. It's just that... - Ow! Ow! Ow! - Hold still. I live in this anemone... and I'm used to these kind of stings. Ow! Ow! Ow! It doesn't look bad. You'll be fine. But now we know, don't we... that we don't want to touch these again. Let's be thankful this time it was just a little one. - ! - ! Don't move. - This is bad, Dory. - Hey, watch this! - This is bad, Dory. - Hey, watch this! Boing! Boing! Dory! You can't catch me Don't bounce on the tops! They will... not sting you! - The tops don't sting you! - Two in a row! Beat that! Dory, listen to me. I have an idea... a game. - A game? - Yes. - I love games! Pick me! - Here's the game. Whoever can hop the fastest out of these jellyfish wins! - OK. - Rules, rules, rules! You can't touch the tentacles. Only the tops. Something about tentacles. Got it. Go! Wait! Not something about 'em, it's all about 'em! - Whee! - Wait, Dory! Gotta go faster if you want to win! Gotta go faster if you want to win! Whoa! Dory! Boing, boing, boing! Wait a minute! Whoa! Dory! Whee! We're cheating death now. That's what we're doing. But we're having fun at the same time. I can do this. Just be careful. Yeah, careful I don't make you cry when I win! I don't think so! Ha ha ha ha! Whoa! Give it up, old man. You can't fight evolution. I was built for speed. The question is, Dory, are you hungry? - Hungry? - Yeah. 'Cause you're about to eat my bubbles! Duck to the left! Right there! The clownfish is the winner! Whoo-hoo! We did it! Look at us! Dory? Dory? Oh, no. Dory! Dory! Dory! Dory! Ohh! Am I disqualified? No, you're doing fine! You're actually winning! But you gotta stay awake. Where does P. Sherman live? P. Sherman... Wallaby Way, Sydney... That's it! Uhh! - Wallaby Way... - Uhh! Stay awake! Stay awake! Ooh! Stay awake! Stay... awake! - Awake. - P. Sherman. - Awake. - 42 Wallaby Way. Wake up. Nemo... Wake up. Nemo... You miss your dad, don't you, Sharkbait? Yeah. Yeah. You're lucky to have someone out there looking for you. He's not looking for me. He's scared of the ocean. Peach, any movement? He's had four cups of coffee. It's gotta be soon. Keep on him. My first escape... landed on dental tools. I was aiming for the toilet. Toilet? All drains lead to the ocean, kid. Wow. How many times have you tried to get out? Ah, I've lost count. Fish aren't meant to be in a box, kid. It does things to you. Bubbles! Bubbles! Potty eak! He grabbed the Reader's Digest. - We have 4.2 minutes! - That's your cue, Sharkbait. - You can do it, kid. - We gotta be quick. Once you get in, swim to the bottom of the chamber... Once you get in, swim to the bottom of the chamber... and I'll talk you through the rest. - OK. - It'll be a piece of kelp. Nicely done! - Can you hear me? - Yeah! Here comes the pebble. Ptoo. Now, do you see a small opening? Uh-huh! Inside it, you'll see a rotating fan. Wedge that pebble into the fan to stop it turning. ! - Careful, Sharkbait! - I can't do it! Gill, this isn't a good idea. He'll be fine. Try again! OK. That's it, Sharkbait. Nice and steady. I got it! I got it! - He did it! - That's great, kid! Now swim up the tube and out. Oh, no! Gill! - Sharkbait! - Oh, my gosh! Get him outta there! - What do we do? - Oh, no! Stay calm, kid. Just don't panic! Help me! Sharkbait, grab hold of this! - No! No! No! - Feed me more! - That's it! - Sharkbait! Grab it! I got it! Pull! Gill, don't make him go back in there. No. We're done. Dude. - Uhh. - Dude. Focus, dude. Dude. Ohh. Oh, he lives. Hey, dude! Ohh. What happened? Saw the whole thing, dude. First, you were all, like, Whoa!... and then we were all, like, Whoa!... and then you were, like, Whoa. What are you talking about? You, mini-man. Takin' on the jellies. You got serious thrill issues, dude. - Ohh. - Awesome. Uhh. Oh, my stomach. Ohh! Oh, man. No hurlin' on the shell, dude, OK? Just waxed it. So, Mr. Turtle... Whoa, dude. Mr. Turtle is my father. The name's Crush. Crush? Really? OK, Crush. I need to the East Australian Current. E.A.C.? Oh, dude. You're ridin' it, dude! Check it out! OK, grab shell, dude! Grab wh-a-a-at?! Grab wh-a-a-at?! Ha ha! Righteous! Righteous! - Yeah! - Stop! So... What ings you on this fine day to the E.A.C.? Dory and I need to get to Sydney. Dory! Is she all right? Huh? Oh, little blue. She is sub-level, dude. Dory! Dory! Dory! Dory. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. It's my fault. Twenty-nine, thirty! Ready or not, here I come! There you are! Catch me if you can! Dory Nice wave! Oh, wow! Heh heh. Up you go! Up you go! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-oh-oh-oh! - Oh, my goodness! - Kill the motor, dude. Let us see what Squirt does flying solo. Whoa! Whoa! That was so cool! Hey, Dad, did you see that? Did you see me? Did you see what I did? You so totally rock, Squirt! So give me some fin. Noggin. - Dude. - Dude. Oh... intro. Jellyman, offspring. Offspring, Jellyman. - Jellies?! Sweet. - Totally. Apparently, I must've done something you liked... dudes. - You rock, dude! - Ow. Curl away, my son. It's awesome, Jellyman. The little dudes are just eggs. We leave 'em on a beach to hatch... and then, coo-coo-cachoo... they find their way back to the big ol' blue. - All by themselves? - Yeah. But, dude, how do you know when they're ready? Well, you never really know. But when they know, you'll know, you know? Ha. Hey, look, everybody. I know that dude! It's the Jellyman! Go on. Jump on him! - Turtle pile! - Wait, wait, wait! - Are you funny? - Where's your shell? - I need to eathe! - Are you running away? Did you really cross the jellyfish forest? - Did they sting you? - One at a time! Mr. Fish, did you die? Sorry, I was a little vague on the details. So, where are you going? You see, my son was taken. My son was taken away from me. - No way. - What happened? No, no, kids. I don't want to talk about it. Aww! Please? Please? Well, OK. I live on this reef a long, long way from here. This is gonna be good. I can tell. And my son Nemo... See, he was mad at me. And maybe he wouldn't have done it... if I hadn't been so tough on him. I don't know. Anyway, he swam out in the open water to this boat... and when he was out there, these divers appeared... and I tried to stop them, but the boat was too fast. So, we swam out in the ocean to follow them... They couldn't stop 'em. And then Nemo's dad... he swims out to the ocean, and they bump into... ...three ferocious sharks. He scares away the sharks by blowing 'em up! Golly, that's amazing. And then dives thousands of feet... ...straight down into the dark. It's wicked dark down there. You can't see a thing. How's it going, Bob? And the only thing they can see down there... ...is the light from this big, horrible creature... with razor-sharp teeth. Nice parry, old man. And then he has to blast his way... So, these two little fish have been... searching the ocean for days on the East Australian Current. Which means that he may be on his way here right now. That should put him in Sydney Harbor... ...in a matter of days. I mean, it sounds like... this guy is gonna stop at nothing... ...till he finds his son. I sure hope he makes it. That's one dedicated father, if you ask me. Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Would you just shut up?! You're rats with wings! Bloke's been looking for his boy Nemo. - Nemo?! - He was taken off the reef... - Take it! You happy? - Mine! Mine! Mine! Hey, say that again! Something about Nemo. Mine! Mine! Mine! Whoooa... Hyah! Mine? Last I heard, he's heading towards the harbor. Ho ho! Brilliant! Is he doing OK? Is he doing OK? Whatever you do, Don't mention D-a-r... It's OK. I know who you're talking about. Gill? Gill? Hey, Sharkbait. I'm sorry I couldn't stop the... No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I was so ready to get out... so ready to taste that ocean... I was willing to put you in harm's way to get there. Nothing should be worth that. I'm sorry I couldn't get you back to your father, kid. All right. Hey, hey, hey... - What the... - Aaah! That's one way to pull a tooth. Huh. Darn kids. Good thing I pulled the right one, eh, Prime Minister? Hey, psst! Oh, Nigel! You just missed an extraction. Has he loosened the periodontal ligament yet? What am I talking about? Where's Nemo? - I've got to speak with him. - What is it? Your dad's been fighting the entire ocean... - Iooking for you. - My father? Really? He's traveled hundreds of miles, battling sharks and jellyfish... Sharks? That can't be him. What was his name? Some sort of sport fish. - Tuna? Trout? - Marlin? Marlin! The little clownfish from the reef. It's my dad! He took on a shark! I heard he took on three. - Three sharks? - That's 4,800 teeth! After you were taken by Diver Dan over there... your dad followed the boat like a maniac. Really? He's swimming, giving it all he's got... and then three gigantic sharks capture him... and he blows them up and dives thousands of feet... and gets chased by a monster with huge teeth! He ties this demon to a rock, and what's his reward? He gets to battle an entire jellyfish forest! Now he's with a bunch of sea turtles on the E.A. C... and the word is he's headed this way right now... to Sydney! - Wow! - What a good daddy! He was looking for you after all, Sharkbait. He's swimming to the filter! - Sharkbait! - Not again! Sharkbait! No! You got your whole life ahead of you! - We'll help you, kid! - Get him out! Get him out of there! Come on, kid! Grab the end! Sharkbait! - No! - Can you hear me? Nemo! Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Sharkbait, you did it! Sharkbait, you're... covered with germs! ! Ha ha! That took guts, kid. All right, gang, we have less than 48 hours... before Darla gets here. This tank'll get plenty dirty in that time... but we have to help it along any way we can. - Jacques? No cleaning. - I shall resist. Everybody else, be as gross as possible. Think dirty thoughts. We're gonna make this tank so filthy... the dentist will have to clean it. - Good work! - Ha ha ha! All right, we're here, dudes! Get ready! Your exit's coming up, man! Where? I don't see it! Right there! I see it! I see it! The swirling vortex of terror? - That's it, dude. - Of course it is. OK, first, find your exit buddy. Do you have your exit buddy? Yes! Squirt give you a rundown of proper exiting technique. Good afternoon! We'll have a great jump today! OK, crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There's a screaming bottom turn, so watch out! Remember... rip it, roll it, and punch it! He's trying to speak to me, I know it! You're really cute, but I don't know what you're saying! Say the first thing again. OK, Jellyman! Go, go, go! - Whoa! - Wahoo! - Whoa! - Whoa! Whoo! That was... fun! I actually enjoyed that. Hey, look, turtles! Ha ha! Most excellent! Now turn your fishy tails around... and swim straight on through to Sydney! No worries, man! No worries! Thank you, dude Crush! - Bye! - Bye, Jellyman! You tell your little dude I said hi, OK? See ya later, dudes! Bye, everyone! Nemo would have loved this. Ooh! Hey! Crush, I forgot! How old are you? 150, dude! And still young! Rock on! 150! 150! I gotta remember that. Whoa. - We going in there? - Yep. P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney? Yep. We're gonna just swim straight. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming Dory... Boy, this is taking awhile. How about we play a game? OK. OK, I'm thinking of something orange... and it's small... - It's me. - Right! It's orange and small... It's me. All righty, Mr. Smartypants. And it's orange and small and white stripes... And it's orange and small and white stripes... Me. And the next one, just a guess, me. - That's just scary. - Wait, wait, wait. I have definitely seen this floating speck before. That means we've passed it before... and that means we're going in circles... and that means we're not going straight! - Hey, hey! - Get to the surface. We'll figure it out up there. Let's go! - Hey! Relax. - What? Take a deep eath. Now, let's ask somebody for directions. Now, let's ask somebody for directions. Fine. Who do you want to ask, the speck? - There's nobody here! - There has to be someone. It's the ocean, silly. We're not the only two in here. Let's see. OK, no one there. Nope. Nada. There's somebody. Hey! Excuse... Dory, Dory, Dory! Now it's my turn. I'm thinking of something dark and mysterious. It's a fish we don't know. If we ask it directions... it could ingest us and spit out our bones! What is it with men and asking for directions? I don't want to play the gender card right now. Let's play the Let's Not Die card. - You want to get out of here? - Of course I do. How are we gonna do that unless we give it a shot? Dory, you don't fully understand... Come on. Trust me on this. All right. Excuse me! Whoo-hoo! Little fella? Hello! Don't be rude. Say hi. Hello! Don't be rude. Say hi. Ha. Hello. - His son Bingo... - Nemo. - Nemo was taken to... - Sydney. Sydney! And it's really, really important... that we get there as fast as we can... so can you help us out? Come on, little fella. Come on. Dory, I'm a little fella. I don't think that's a little fella. Oh! Big fella. Whale. OK. Maybe he only speaks whale. Mooo! Weee neeed... - Dory? - Tooo fiind his son. What are you doing? Are you sure you speak whale? Can youuuu give us diiirectionsss? Can youuuu give us diiirectionsss? Dory! Heaven knows what you're saying! - See, he's swimming away. - Cooome baaack. He's not coming back. You offended him. - Maybe a different dialect. - Moooohhhmmooo... - Dory! This is not whale. You're speaking upset stomach. - Maybe I should try humpback. - Don't. - Maybe I should try humpback. - Don't. Wooooooo... - You actually sound sick. - Maybe louder? - Rah! Rah! - Don't do that! Too much orca. Didn't it sound orca-ish? It doesn't sound orca. It sounds like nothing I've ever heard. - Oooooo! - Ohh! It's just as well. He might be hungry. It's just as well. He might be hungry. Whales don't eat clownfish. They eat krill. - Swim away! - Oh, look, krill! Move, Dory, move! Move, Dory, move! - ! - ! Look at that. Would you look at that? Filthy. Absolutely filthy. All thanks to you, kid. You made it possible. Jacques, I said no cleaning. I am ashamed. Look! Scum angel! Ooh! Aaah! Bubbles! I love the bubbles! Flo? Has anybody seen Flo? 9:00 and cue dentist. Hello, Barbara. Sorry I'm late. OK, here we go. Here we go, OK. Little Davey Reynolds... Walks to the counter, drops the keys... Bloat, that's disgusting! Tastes pretty good to me. - Urrrp! - Eww! Don't you people realize we are swimming in our own... Shh! Here he comes! ! Crikey. What a state. Ohh. Barbara, what's my earliest appointment tomorrow? - 10:00, luv. - Leave it open, would you? I've gotta clean the fish tank before Darla gets here. Did you hear that, Sharkbait? Yay! He's gonna clean the tank! We're gonna be clean! You ready to see your dad, kid? - Uh-huh. - Of course you are. I wouldn't be surprised if he's out there... in the harbor waiting for you right now. In the harbor waiting for you right now. Yeah. Aaah! Oof! Whoo! Yaahhh! Here comes the big one. Ooh! Come on! You gotta try this! - Will you just stop it? - Why? What's wrong? We're in a whale, don't you get it? - Whale? - A whale! You had to ask for help! And now we're stuck here! Wow, a whale. I speak whale. No, you're insane! You can't speak whale! I have to get out! I have to find my son! I have to tell him how old sea turtles are! Ohhh! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Hey... you OK? There, there. It's all right. It'll be OK. No. No, it won't. Sure it will. You'll see. No. I promised him I'd never let anything happen to him. Huh. That's a funny thing to promise. What? You can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo. - Hmm. - What's going on? Don't know. I'll ask him. - Dory... - Whaaat's goooing onnn? I think he says we've stopped. Of course we've stopped. Stop trying to speak whale. You'll make things worse. What is that noise? Oh, no. Look what you did. The water's going down. It's going down! Really? You sure about that? Look! Already it's half empty! I'd say it's half full. Stop that! It's half empty! OK, that one was a little tougher. He either said we should go to the back of the throat... He either said we should go to the back of the throat... or he wants a root beer float. Of course he wants us to go there! That's eating us! How do I taste, Moby? Do I taste good? Tell him I'm not interested in being lunch! - OK. Heee... - Stop talking to him! - ! - ! What is going on? I'll check. Whaaat... No more whale! You can't speak whale! - Yes, I can! - No, you can't! You think you can do these things, but you can't, Nemo! - OK. - Dory! Oof! He says it's time to let go. Everything's gonna be all right. How do you know? How do you know something bad isn't gonna happen? I don't! - ! - ! - ! - ! - ! - ! Ha ha ha! We're alive! Look! Sy-d-ney... Sydney! Sydney! Sydney again! You were right, Dory! We made it! We're gonna find my son! Thaaank yoouuu, sirrr! Thaaank yoouuu, sirrr! Wow. I wish I could speak whale. All we gotta do is find the boat that took him. - Right! - We can do this! Morning. It's morning, everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shining, the tank is clean... and we are getting out... The tank is clean. The tank is clean! But how? Boss must've installed it while we were sleeping. - What are we gonna do? - What's it say, Peach? I can't hear you, Peach. The Aquascum 2003 is an all-purpose, self-cleaning... maintenance-free, salt water purifier... that is guaranteed to extend the life of your aquarium fish. Stop it! The Aquascum is programmed to scan... your tank environment every five minutes?! Scan? What does that mean? ! Temperature... 82 degrees... Temperature... 82 degrees... PH balance... normal. - Ooh. - Nice. Ooh... Oh! Curse you, Aquascum! That's it for the escape plan. It's ruined. Then what are we gonna do about... Darla! Darla! Stay down, kid! - False alarm. - Whew. My nerves can't take much more of this. What'll we do when that at gets here? - I'm thinking. - Oh! Gill! - Nemo! I'm coming! - Help me! Help me! Swim down! Come on, kid! - Everybody jump in! - Swim down! - That's it! - What the...? - Yay! - Ha ha! Good work! Gill! - Nemo! - Sharkbait! - Roll, kid! - Lean! Lean! Whoops. That would've been a nasty fall. Gill! Don't let me go belly-up! Just calm down, Nemo. You won't go belly-up. I promise. You're gonna be OK. Darla! Do any of these boats look familiar to you? No, but the boat has to be here somewhere. Come on, Dory. We're gonna find it. I'm totally excited. Are you excited? Dory, wake up. Wake up, come on. Duck! That's not a duck. It's a... pelican! - Whoa! - ! - Whoa! - ! No! I didn't come this far to be eakfast! Hey, Nigel. Would you look at that? What? What? Sun's barely up and Gerald's had more than he can handle. Yeah. Reckon somebody ought to help the poor guy. Yeah, right. Yeah. Don't everybody fly off at once. All right, Gerald. Fish got your tongue? - ! - Love a duck! - ! - Love a duck! I gotta find my son Nemo! Nemo? He's that fish! The one that's been fighting the whole ocean! I know where your son... Huh? Wait! Come back! Stop! Dory, keep going! He's crazy! I got something to tell you! Mine. Don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth if you want to live. Hop in your mouth? How does that make me live? Mine? Because I can take you to your son. Because I can take you to your son. - Yeah, right. - No. I know your son. He's orange with a gimpy fin on one side. - That's Nemo! - ! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! ! Fasten your seat belts! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Ha ha ha ha! ! Everybody hold on! - ! - ! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Too loud! Too loud for me! Twinkle, twinkle, little star Find a happy place! Find a happy place! Darla, your uncle will see you now. All right, let's see those pearly whites. Raah! I'm a piranha. They're in the Amazon. And a piranha's a fish, just like your present. I get fishy, fishy Oh, no. Poor little guy. - He's dead. - Sharkbait! Yay! Fishy, fishy, fishy! Must've left your present in the car, sweetie. - Ohh! - I'll go and get it. - He's still alive! - He's not dead! What's happening? Why is he playing dead? He's gonna get flushed down the toilet. - He's gonna get out of here! - He's gonna get flushed! What a smart little guy! Oh, no! Not the trash can! Nemo! No! - Hey! I found his dad! - Where's Nemo? - Dentist! - He's over there! What's a dentist? Nigel, get in there! - I can't go in there! - Yes, you can! Charge! - ! - What the...? Darla, sweetie, look out! - ! - Hold still! - ! - Easy! Easy! - ! - Hold still! Nobody's going to hurt you! Oof! Nemo. Oh, my goodness. Gotcha! Keep down! Nemo! Daddy? Out with you! And stay out! Daddy? Fishy? Fishy! Wake up! Oh, no! To the top of Mount Wannahockaloogie! Why are you sleeping? - Hurry! - Bloat! Ring of Fire! Fishy! ! Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! Unh! Aaah! Get it out! - Smack her in the head! - Go, Gill, go! Fish in my hair! Gill! Sharkbait... tell your dad I said hi. - Unh! - Eww! Go get 'em! Ohh... - He did it! - Yay! - I'm so happy! - Is he gonna be OK, Gill? Don't worry. All drains lead to the ocean. Fishy! ! ! Whoa! Whoa! Daddy! I'm so sorry. Truly, I am. Truly, I am. - Hey. - Dory... if it wasn't for you... I never would've even made it here. So, thank you. Hey, wait a minute. Wait. Where are you going? It's over, Dory. We were too late. Nemo's gone, and I'm going home now. No. No, you can't. Stop! Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave, I just... I remember things better with you. I do. Look... P. Sherman, 42... 42... I remember it. I do. It's there. I know it is because when I look at you... I can feel it. I look at you and I... l'm home. Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget. I'm sorry, Dory, but I do. - Manna from heaven. - Sweet nectar of life! Hey! Hey! Hey! - This is our spot! - Get outta here! Hey! Hey! Hey! Yeah, that's it, fella. Just keep on swimmin'. You got that. Too right, mate! Oh! I got a live one here! Have you seen my dad? Gotcha! Hey! Hey! Come back here! You let him go! Hey! Hey! Dad! Dad! Dad! Ohh! Um, excuse me. Are you all right? I don't know where I am. I don't know what's going on. I think I lost somebody, but I can't remember. It's OK. I'm looking for someone, too. Hey, we can look together. I'm Dory. I'm Nemo. Nemo? That's a nice name. - Dad! - Dad! Wait a minute. Is it your dad or my dad? - My dad. - Got it. Dad! - Where are we, anyway? - Dad! Dad! Oh. Syl... Shi... Sydney. P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. ! Nemo! It's you! ! You're Nemo! Yes, yes, I'm Nemo! You're Nemo! You were dead. I saw you. And here you are! I found you. You're not dead. And your father... Your father! You know my father?! Where is he? This way! He went this way. Quick! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Hey! Have you seen an orange fish swim by? - It looks just like him! - But bigger! Yeah, I saw him, bluey. But I'm not tellin' you where he went... and there's no way you're gonna make me. Mine. ! All right! I'll talk! He went to the fishing grounds! ! Hey, look out! I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get home. NEMO, Dad! Dad! Nemo? - Daddy! - Nemo? - Dad! - Nemo's alive! - Dad! - Nemo's alive! Dory? Nemo! Daddy! Nemo! I'm coming, Nemo! - Dad! - Nemo! Thank goodness. It's all right, son. It's gonna be OK. Turn around! You're going the wrong way! ! Look out! Oh, my... Help! He-e-elp! - Dory! - Come on! Help! Help! Help! Get us out! ! No, no, no! Dory! - Dad, I know what to do! - Nemo! No! We have to tell all the fish to swim down together! - Get out of there now! - I know this will work! No, I am not gonna lose you again! There's no time! It's the only way to save Dory! I can do this. You're right. I know you can. - Lucky fin! - Now, go! Hurry! Tell all the fish to swim down! Well? You heard my son! Come on! Dory, you have to tell everybody to... Swim down together! Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Swim down! Everybody swim down! Come on, you have to swim down! Down! Swim down! Swim down! Swim down! Don't give up! Keep swimming! Just keep swimming! That's it! It's working! Keep swimming! Keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Keep swimming! Come on, Dad! - You're doing great, son! - That's my dad. Let's get to the bottom! Keep swimming! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming Almost there! Keep swimming! Keep swimming! Keep swimming! - Oof! - Hey! - Dory! Where's Nemo? - There! Oh, no. Nemo! Nemo? Nemo? It's OK. Daddy's here. Daddy's got you. Daddy? Oh, thank goodness. Dad... I don't hate you. Oh, no, no, no. I'm so sorry, Nemo. - Hey, guess what? - What? Sea turtles... I met one. And he was 150 years old. - 150? - Yep. Sandy Plankton said they only live to be 100. Sandy Plankton? Do you think I would cross the entire ocean... and not know as much as Sandy Plankton? - Ha ha ha! - He was 150! Not 100! Who is this Sandy Plankton who knows everything? Time for school! Get up! Let's go! Time for school! Get up! Let's go! - I'm gonna win! - No, you're not! - I did it! - Aw, my own son beats me! Climb aboard, explorers. The sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says... With fronds like these, who needs anemones? Hello, Nemo. Who's this? - Exchange student. - I'm from the E.A.C., dude! - Sweet! - Totally. Seriously, Marty. Did you really do all the things you say you did? Pardon me. - Hello. - Ohh. Don't be alarmed. We wanted to make sure our newest member got home safely. - Thanks, guys. - See you next week. - Keep up with the program. - Remember, fish are friends... Not food! Bye! MR. Hold on, here we go! Next stop... knowledge! Bye, son! Have fun! Bye, Dad! Oh! Mr. Ray, wait. I forgot something. Love you, Dad. I love you, too, son. Dad? You can let go now. Sorry. Go have an adventure. Good-bye! See ya later, dudes! - Bye, Elmo! - Nemo. - Bye, Nemo! - See you after school, Dory! Bye, Dad! Bye, Dad! Bye, son. Barbara, I don't understand it. Here this thing has a lifetime guarantee... and it eaks! I had to clean the tank myself, take all the fish out... put 'em in bags, and... Where'd the fish go? - Come on, Peach! - Hurry! - You can do it! - That's it. Just a little further. That's the shortest red light I've ever seen! - Come on, Peach! - Ohh. ! Now what? Somewhere Beyond the sea Somewhere, waitin' for me My lover stands on golden sands And watches the ships That go sailin' Somewhere Beyond the sea She's there watchin' for me If I could fly like birds on high Then straight to her arms I'll go sailin' It's far Beyond the stars It's near, beyond the moon I know Beyond a doubt My heart Will lead me there soon We'll meet Beyond the shore We'll kiss just like before Happy we'll be beyond the sea And never again I'll go sailin' I know Beyond a doubt My heart Will lead me there soon Oh, we'll meet, I know we'll meet Beyond the shore We'll kiss just as before Happy we will be beyond the sea And never again I'll go sailin' No more sailin' So long, sailin', sailin' No more sailin' Good-bye, farewell, my friend No more sailin' So long Sailin' No more sailin' No more Farewell Auf wiedersehen Adieu to you and you No more sailin' No more Ohh, no more sailin' No more, no more No more sailin' No more One more time No more sailin'

At the dawn of the millennium, the nation collapsed. At 15 unemployment, 10 million were out of work... ...800,000 students boycotted school, and juvenile crime rates soared. The adults lost confidence, and fearing the youth... ...eventually passed the Millennium Educational Reform Act. The BR Act. This year Zentsuji Middle School 4's Class E was chosen from... ...among 43,000 Ninth grade classes. This year's game, said to be more blistering than the last... Oh look, there! There she is! The winner's a girl! Surviving a fierce battle that raged 2 days, 7 hours and 43 minutes... ...the winner is a girl! Look, she's smiling! Smiling! The girl definitely just smiled! R-15 No one under 15 allowed SPECIAL EEITION Mom left when I was in 4th grade, and my first day of 7th grade... Dad hung himself. Go Shuya!! You can make it, Shuya! Everything was crazy. I didn't have a clue what to do, and no one to show me, either. Good morning. - What? I'm sorry, I'm late and don't know what's going on. Takin' the day off 'cause we want to - Class B Soon after the incident, that teacher left our school. But no matter how crazy the world was getting... ... we all managed to have fun. And so our compulsory education, was coming to an end. Teacher! - Oh, sorry Let's go. - No... C'mon, let's go. Sorry. Sorry, let us through. Nanahara, I baked some cookies for us to share... For you, too, Nobu. - For real... Look over here. - OK. Say Cheese. Noriko's been waiting to give them to you. Megumi! - You eat some too. No, you go ahead. Thanks for getting me to come back to school, Noriko. Thanks. - I'm glad, too, Nobu. Picture's ready! - I'm hardly in it! Hey, Noriko! Nobu. - Huh... what... After you. Kitano! - Kitano? Can't be... OK, sit down. - Sit down! Been a while. I'm Kitano, your 7th grade teacher. I'm taking Class B over again. Let's be friends. We've got 2 transfer students. Kawada over there. Kiriyama over there. Be nice to them. The BR Act Where the hell are we! What's going on here? Who are these people! You know this law? No good. No good, that's what this country's become. Wanna know why... No whispering, dammit! You asshole! When someone's talking, shut up and listen. Can I go to the bathroom, teacher? Chigusa, can't you wait a little? I missed you guys. Kuninobu. Man, my ass hurt. Before I quit, I told you not to bother coming, that you were no good. And you really started boycotting school. That's no good. You're no good, but you thought you'd come along on the class trip anyway. Listen up! Because of folks like Kuninobu here, this country... ...is absolutely no good anymore. So the bigwigs got together and passed this law: Battle Royale. So today's lesson is... you kill each other off. Till there's only one left. Nothing's against the rules. What's funny! Teacher... I don't understand what you're saying. This can't possibly... Actually, your teacher Hayashida... ...deeply opposed the selection of Class B. Now, calm down. OK, this is a no good adult. You have to work hard not to become like him. Time to watch the video. Don't fall asleep now. The right way to fight a Battle Royale! By the BR Act Committee. Hello, everyone in Class B! OK, Hello! You are the lucky class chosen for this year's Battle Royale! Congratulations! - Thank you! Now, I'm going to explain the rules for you. Listen well to fight right and with gusto. You are on a deserted island that looks like this! It's about 10 kilometers around, but we evacuated everyone, so it's empty! I said no whispering! All right, move, move. Sorry, it's against the rules for me to kill, isn't it? Girls 18 Fujiyoshi Dead 41 To Go. Noriko! Asshole! - Nobu! Nobu! Shit! OK, back to the video! The island's divided into many zones. Every six hours, your teacher'll oadcast updates... 4 times a day! ... about which zones are becoming danger zones. If you're in those zones, you should leave quickly... ... because the danger is... OK, about the necklaces you're wearing. They're 100 waterproof and shockproof... ... and permanent! It monitors your pulse, informing us... ... of your location and movements. So if you linger in a danger zone... ... or cause trouble, we can identify you, and transmit radio waves... ... that trigger an alarm and boom! It explodes! If you try to rip it off, it explodes too, so promise not to try that, OK? You assholes! Shut up! Can't hear the video. Cut it out, Nobu! Cut it out! Quiet! I really hate to do this... Better run, guys. - What is this! Help me! Shuya! - Nobu! Nobu... Hey, Shuya, you got a crush on a girl now? Boys 7 Kuninobu Dead 40 To Go. What a shame. I looked after him in my own way. What's that look for, Nanahara? Oh, I forgot one important thing. There's a time limit on this game! 3 days. If we haven't got a winner after 3 days... ... all the necklaces automatically explode! And no one wins. As long as we're here, let's fight hard so that doesn't happen! OK, any questions so far? Yes. Yeah, Motobuchi. If I survive can I go home? Sure, but only if everyone else is dead. Yes. - Yeah, Mimura. How were we chosen? By impartial lottery. One more? - Sure. Why are you doing this? It's your own damned fault. You guys mock grown-ups. Go ahead and mock us, but don't you forget. Life is a game. So fight for survival and find out if you're worth it. You'll leave the room one by one, but first you get a kit. Inside is food and water, a map and compass... ... a flashlight and a weapon, so check it out later, OK? The girls may need personal items, so you can all take your own bags. Each weapon is different. Not just guns and knives, either. It's random, so maybe you'll get lucky, maybe not. It eliminates natural advantages. This one's super lucky! We've notified your parents, so go for it! OK, you'll be leaving by class number. When I call your name, I want to hear a nice big Here! Boys 1 Akamatsu. Here! The Game Begins Day One 1:40AM Girls 1 Inada. - Here. You're still my friend. - I know. Boys 2 lijima. Girls 2 Utsumi. Boys 3 Oki. Girls 3 Eto. I'm going Noriko. - Megumi... Boys 4 Oda. Girls 4 Ogawa. Boys 5 Kawada. Kawada! Girls 5 Kanai. Boys 6 Kiriyama. On the double! That's my bag. What the! You probably guessed, but they're a little dangerous. Girls 14 Tendo. Boys 15 Nanahara. Nanahara! I'll wait for you... Nanahara... What happened... What am I going to do... What is this... Tendo! Don't, Noriko! Shit, what am I doing! What are you doing, man... Isn't this yours? It's for real... Boys 1 Akamatsu Dead Girls 14 Tendo Dead 38 To Go. Arm OK? - I was frantic. Let's see. It's just a scratch. I'll wash off the blood. What is this? Fight with a lid? And this is mine... The bastards... goddammit. Maybe Mimura and Sugimura and us could all escape. I don't think so. - Why not? You won't like me for saying this, but I don't trust any of them either. Die Noriko! You ugly shrimpy nit! Noriko ugly shrimpy nit. - How 'bout me? What? You scared of me too? You're the only one I trust, Shuya. Oh, I'm sorry. Why? I called you Shuya, just like Nobu... Nobu... Hey, Shuya... Huh? You got a crush on anyone now? Why? Do you? Maybe I kind of like someone... Who? Noriko. From our class? - Yeah. She's a nice girl... Right? You agree. She's really sweet. She wrote me. Saying, come back to school... Let's all go on the school trip together Even if she didn't really mean it... It's nice to have someone waiting for you. We were roommates in the foster home after Ead died. When I was bummed after I quit baseball... ...he taught me the guitar. I had to invite him... No, he was happy he came back. Really happy... But I couldn't help Nobu either... He needed my help but I was helpless... I can't give this up, I'll take revenge for him. I'll protect you to the end, in his place. Thank you... Nanahara. You never got to taste those cookies, did you... Numai's gang took Kiriyama. Not wasting time. What's this? You got a good one. Some transfer student, you're Kitano's agent. Going to make us kill each other. - None of us is killing anyone. You better come clean now. You listening! Asshole! Why... Stop... stop... Boys 9 Kuronaga, Boys 10 Sasagawa. Boys 14 Tsukioka, Boys 17 Numai. Girls 3 Kanai Dead, 33 To Go. I'm so sorry. I couldn't help you... No, I'm grateful you came with me. What'll happen to us. I know one thing. - What? I'll never play this game. Can't anyone help us? Nobody can. Let's go. Here goes... Boys 21 Yamamoto Girls 4 Ogawa Dead 31 To Go. Mimura... Who's there! Oh, it's you, Megumi. Who are you? Mitsuko... Gonna kill me with that stun gun? What... oh, I'm sorry. I was never friendly with your clique, but you're okay. So I can come in? - Sure, come in. All pictures of Mimura. Oh, no... This your weapon? Not much use, huh. Not necessarily. One zap at somebody with a bad heart... ...and he's pretty much a goner. You used one before? Of course not, sorry. Here. Mitsuko! Don't! This is my weapon I thought it was so-so... ...but actually it's not so bad. Found Yoshimi and Kuramoto dead next door. Strung up all cozy together. Not my scene! I'll never die like that! Girls 3 Megumi, Girls 21 Yoshimi Boys 8 Kuramoto Dead 28 To Go. First Report 6:00AM. It's now 6AM Time for sleepyheads to wake up! Here's the list of your dead friends In the order they died. Girls 14 Tendo. Boys 1 Akamatsu. 9 Kuronaga, 10 Sasagawa. 14 Tsukioka, 17 Numai. Girls 5 Kanai. Boys 21 Yamamoto, Girls 4 Ogawa. Boys 8 Kuramoto. Girls 21 Yoshimi, 3 Megumi. Megumi... No... why? Now, the danger zones. I'll read off zones and times, so check your maps. Listen up! Starting at 7:00, B-5. That's B-5. Next, at 9:00, E-8... ...then at 11:00, F-2. Got that? It's tough when friends die on you, but hang in there! Back in touch! Noriko. - Megumi's... This'll be a danger zone We've got to go south, hurry. Oki? I'll get you! I'll get you! Oki... You OK? I'm sorry. I'm fine, I'm fine... Nanahara! Did I kill him? Tell me the truth. You were watching. Did I? - It was an accident. X = -b over 2a... Everybody's serious, huh, fine then... I'll survive, go to a good school... Stop! Get outta my way! What weapons you got? A pot lid. And binoculars. Everybody! Stop fighting! Please hear us out! This is Kusaka, with Yukiko, on the cliffs of North Mountain. Everybody come here. We'll figure this out together. We don't want to fight. Right, Yukiko? This is Yukiko! Please join us. Let's think this through together. That's the right tactic. Where you goin'! - Bring 'em back. Without weapons? I'm not the only deadly one. All the more if they're in danger. You! Stop shooting! Idiots! - Run! That's... - Nanahara? That was his voice, right? Nanahara! Over here, come here! Yukiko's always had a crush on... You idiot... Kusaka! Kusaka! Yukiko! Tell me it's not true! Answer me! Kusaka! He'll come here next, I'm off. Go wherever you like... You're a murderer yourself! Nanahara... - They were my friends! This is crazy! How can they just kill each other like that! There's a way out of this game. Kill yourselves together, here, now. If you can't do that, then don't trust anyone, just run. Boys 3 Oki, 20 Motobuchi. Girls 6 Yukiko, 7 Kusaka Dead 24 To Go. Second Report - Noon It's noon Everybody getting hungry? Take a little lunch eak from the killing. Now for the list of who went down this morning. Boys 3 Oki. Boys 20 Motobuchi. Girls 6 Yukiko, 7 Kusaka. Total of 4. Calling for peace was a good idea Can't win 'em all. Now for the danger zones and hours. An hour from now at 13:00 l-4. Then from 15:00 E-9. From 17:00, F-1... Mitsuko... Hirono. Oh, great. I finally found you. This your weapon, Mitsuko? Yeah. - Kinda lame, huh. Yoshimi's dead, isn't she? With Kuramoto. - Huh. So you saw. Well, I saw Megumi's throat slit. With a sickle or something. Mitsuko! You have Megumi's weapon? Of course not. But it looked like someone was there all night. Found a tampon in the toilet. Megumi wasn't having hers. You started yesterday, right? What's that... - Cut the crap, murderer! Fucking all the boys but had to steal mine! You were pimping Yoshimi! Probably hung 'em both! - How can you... You piss me off! I'll kill you! C'mon, what is this? Stop joking, forgive me... Stop faking it! I've had it! Why does everybody gang up on me! What did I do! Think about what you did! You think you can get away with it! Cry your eyes out! Apologize to Megumi and Yoshimi! This was Megumi's. But this is what I was after. You bitch! Murderer! What's wrong with killing? Everybody's got their reasons Girls 10 Hirono Dead 23 To Go. Noriko, you OK? I'm OK, just a little tired. You're dripping sweat. Got a terrible fever. Yukiko had a crush on you, right? What's that got to... Sorry, just a little jealous, is all... There's a clinic outside the village Can you get up? Hey, Noriko... C'mon now... Noriko! Pot lid and Binoculars... Whadya want? Great, even expired drugs work. Can I ask you? What? Why did you help us? My dad's a doctor. You can believe that or not. Ready Go! Ready Go! Mimura! - Sugimura! Great, it still works. How'd you find us? This is my weapon. - A sensor? Great weapon. Seen Chigusa or Kotohiki? No, I haven't. Right... I'm off. - Already? Sugimura, there may be a way out. Won't you help us? Sorry, but I've got to see them. If you find Nanahara, tell 'em where we are. Right. I'm off. Always was a loner. Why's he got to find Chigusa and Kotohiki? I thought he was into Chigusa. Shit, so that's their trick! What is it? They're listening. A mic in the necklace. Here's your mission. Find the following: 1. Fertilizer 2. Pesticide 3. Charcoal 4. Sulfur 5. Kerosene Hey, what is this! - Just go! Chigusa, how far can you run? I'll always run in front of you. Then I'll always protect you. Promise! Hiroki. Hey, Chigusa. What are you doing? Still practicing? Hey, wait up. They all gossiped about us. - You made it all up. But you liked it. C'mon, Chigusa, wait. Stay with me. Don't touch me! Disgusting! Run, I shoot. What's that? Ridiculous. I'm in love with you, for real, from before... Wow, great! Wash your face and try again, if you survive. Wait, you're a virgin, right? Piss me off! God, did I just hear this idiot right? Sugimura couldn't do it with you. Keep Hiroki out of this. We're gonna die anyway. Don't you wanna do it once, before you die? Shouldn't you be worried about your life... ...instead of that useless peepee of yours? I've decided this game's a race. So I'm playing for real. So am I. Erop that right now and let me go. Or I'll assume you're deadly and kick your ass. You're warned. Cut the crap! I've already killed. I could force you to do it now! Try it! You, you OK? You scarred my face. It's your fault. You made me mad. Always blaming someone else! That's why I hate your guts! Come at me. Every inch of me will resist you! Boys 16 Niida Dead 22 To Go. Hiroki... Chigusa... don't die. Hang on. God, if this is a bad joke, please stop it. It's really me, Chigusa. Hiroki... Who got you? Mitsuko. Watch out for her. I'm sorry. - For what? Last night, I waited for you outside the school. But you took off at top speed right? I called, but couldn't catch up. I didn't know... Help me sit up? Hiroki... Are you in love with someone? Yeah. Not me, right? No... Then stay with me like this. It won't be long. God, can I tell him one more thing? You look really cool, Hiroki... You, too. You're the coolest girl in the world. Thank... Chigusa... Girls 13 Chigusa Dead 21 To Go. It's 6 o'clock. Here's the list of goners. Girls 10, Hirono. Boys 16 Niida. Girls 13 Chigusa A total of 3. You're slacking off. I'm disappointed in you. I'm adding more danger zones. There'll be a new one every hour, so get 'em straight! From 19:00, E-1 from 20:00, C-4. L-3 from 21:00. Tastes good. - 'Course it does. My dad's a chef. Um... Thank you for everything. Have a drink? No. But I guess I want you to know... She's pretty... Same age? - Same class. 9th grade, Kobe Jr. High 5, Class C. We played this game 3 years ago. So you're the... - I'm a survivor... ...of this fucking game. I was desperate to protect Keiko. Even killed a friend... ...so the 2 of us could survive. But when only one of us could survive... We changed...

We changed... Keiko! Keiko! Really trusting someone... is a hard thing to do. But I've never understood... ...the meaning in the smile she left behind. Thank you... I'll have that drink. But why play all over again? They drugged me and dragged me here... To fix the game. But when I woke up here, I vowed... ...I wouldn't die. Instead, I'm going to figure out Keiko's last smile. I don't... What? I don't know exactly how Keiko felt then... But she must have... Um... - My name? Kawada I think she really loved you. Or she couldn't have smiled the way she does there. You think... I'm sure If I were Keiko... ...l'd want to trust you and thank you for giving me a reason to smile like that. I think I'd have said thank you, too... I really do know a way off this island. What! But how? I can only tell you when the time comes. Until then, this is my guarantee. Use it to protect yourself and... Noriko. Nanahara Shuya. The candles! Duck! That noise, who is that? Probably the guy who signed up for fun. We had one too. Gimme the map. Listen, if we get separated, we'll meet at the Takano Shrine. Don't forget! Stay down! Why? What did I ever do? Damn! I made it My excellent bullet proof vest! Boys 4 Oda Dead 20 To Go. Hurry! You OK? - Fine. She's alright, too. Take care of her! Don't be crazy! Nanahara! Run, Nanahara! There's your order. Fertilizer... pesticide... and kerosene. Sulfur and charcoal... Even swiped a little truck for it all. What are you gonna do with all this crap? The Ticking Clock What is this? My uncle's postcards. My uncle was an activist in the '60s. Taught me stuff they never teach you in school. He's still off fighting in some corner of the world. Someday, you'll smile like this. Forget it, we're not... Shinji! The bomb trigger he used to try to blow up Parliament with. It's time we started our own struggle, but there's not much time. Join me? Or would you rather... take me on? Can we really all go home together? Yeah, I'll crush their systems. When we escape, it'll be together. Day Two 12:30PM Awake? - Where... The lighthouse. Utsumi, why are you... What a shock. I was on watch this morning... ...when Sugimura showed up carrying you. Where's Sugimura? - Gone, said he had to see someone. I see... What time is it? Noon, he just finished the noon report. And Kawada and Noriko? They haven't been on the lists. Who died? I missed three reports. Five altogether. Oda was on last night's. On this morning's update, Kaori and Mizuho. You're still my friend. I know. Girls 1 Mizuho, Girls 12 Kaori, Dead. And now, on the noon update... ...Takiguchi and Hatagami. Boys 13 Takiguchi, Boys 18 Hatagami, Dead. 16 To Go. And a message from Sugimura. Mimura and the guys are in the west, waiting to see you. Mimura... - Yeah. Here's your map. I marked it for you. You're safe here. They're all my friends. There's Haruka, Satomi and Yuka Chisato and Yuko. Nanahara... About that thing with Oki... Yuko saw it happen. Yeah, we fell down a hill together. An accident? - Of course it was! I'm sorry... - Let's all go join Kawada. He knows a way out. - You trust him? He survived one of these games. But you can't even walk yet. I'm fine... - Right now, you rest up. Haruka and Chisato are fixing lunch. Did you bandage me, Utsumi? Yeah. Never touched a guy before... You like Noriko? Why...? I know all about you... You know what that means? What? Forget it... I have to lock you in, OK? Some of them don't trust guys. Lunch in a minute, OK? Hey, guys! Nanahara's awake. Really? Can he talk? Seems hungry, too. Don't worry, I locked his door. No, I'm sorry, I'm not worried anymore. What happened with Oki was an accident. Of course, Shuya'd never kill anyone. Spaghetti's about done. Haruka, go get Yuka from watch. We need to discuss something. Roger that. We're all... ...dying tomorrow... Don't start with that. We won't give up until it's over, OK? I think... you'd better feed Nanahara first, don't you? Right. I'll serve his. Thanks, Yuko. Hey! Still some painkillers left, right? I need some for Nanahara. The cupboard. - I'll get them. Yukie! I hear Nanahara's awake! That's so great! You! Don't pretend, I know you're happy. Smells great... great job, Chisato. Let me taste test. Super! Marry me, Chisato! C'mon, Yuka! - Calm down now. What did you want to discuss, Yukie? Nanahara says Kawada knows a way off the island. That Kawada? - Can we trust him? Can't tell yet. But once Nanahara can walk, let's join Kawada and Noriko... What! What's wrong! Yuka! She's dead... - Why... Not food poisoning... Deadly food poisoning... I tasted it, I'm fine. It's poison! Poison! Who! Who did it?! Satomi, don't! - It's just some mistake! We're the only ones here! Chisato, you cooked it, right? It wasn't me! Haruka cooked too. - Me poison! It was nobody, cut it out! Lower that gun! You're suspicious yourself! Haruka! - Last 2 nights, you didn't sleep at all... It just means you don't trust us. - Forgot my sleeping pills... Insomnia at your age! - Cut it out! Satomi, lower that gun! Shut up dammit! Yukie, cut the leadership crap! - Chisato... You screwed up the poisoning... - How can you say that? You schemed with Nanahara to escape together! Was it you! Chisato! Goddammit! Ouch! It hurts you assholes! I'm bleeding, dammit! Look who's talking! Murderer! Shut the fuck up! You tried to steal the gun, so you're guilty! Take that! Not you, right... You don't belong to their group... At least... I thought I'd live until tomorrow. What idiots... We might have all survived... We're all so stupid... Stupid! It's not my fault... It's not my fault... It's not my fault! What happened, Utsumi! What happened, hey, Utsumi! I'm sorry, Nanahara... I even forgot... that they're all my friends... Why? Utsumi... Why... You know what that means? You know what that means? How should I know! I don't know what any of it means! Girls 2, Yukie, 9 Yuko, 12 Haruka, 17 Satomi, 19 Chisato Dead. 10 To Go. Call for you. Hello. - Hello, mister. Oh, Shiori? Mom's feeling bad again. On a business trip, can't get home 'til tomorrow. Huh, don't bother coming home. Hanging up. Uh huh... Mister, don't eathe like that, your bad eath even stinks over the phone. You OK? I had a dream... What dream? I was alone with Kitano on an empty riverbank. Must've been scary. But Kitano... ...just seemed lonely. Before this, I always just thought of myself as normal. I'd have a normal marriage, age normally, just like my Mom... But when this game started... I realized... It's just that I was sheltered... Some things are better not to know. Rain on its way. I hope Nanahara can find us here. I told you to wait! Another useless day. My phone never rings. Even my cell phone's useless. See, it's out of range. May I take your order? - Just wait. That's fine. Don't know how many resumes I wrote. I'm just wiped. They always hang up on me. Miss, gimme some water. - Yes, in a minute. Order what you want. You start 7th grade tomorrow, go for it. I say go for it, but I never taught you anything. Your order? - I told you to wait! Try some place else? Go Shuya!! You can make it, Shuya! Shuya... Look after Noriko, OK? Promise you'll protect her. Where you goin'? - To meet Nanahara. Hey! We're near a danger zone! Where are you! Noriko! Mitsuko. What's up? I'm looking for Nanahara. Got separated? Noriko, where are you! Who's that? - Kawada. Two princes protecting you. A real princess. Mitsuko! - Die, ugly. Hey. You don't look so bad. Oh, you got Nanahara with you. Nanahara! Shuya! Shuya! Don't catch cold. You came to meet me? I ought weapons. Weapons... why? I'm weak... ...and useless... ...but I'll stay by your side... I'll protect you. That's why... ...I ought weapons... Shuya... Kotohiki... that you? Kotohiki. Answer me! Hurry, run... What? Someone will come, drawn to the gunshots... run! Why? Sugimura, why? You're so cute. What are you talking about! What is this! I wanted to see you... To save you, actually... Don't tell me... I've been in love with you, Kotohiki... ...for a long, long... time... But you... ...never even talked to me. How could I have known, you never said a thing... What am I supposed to do now? Die. Boys 11 Sugimura, Girls 8 Kotohiki, Dead. Bye, Mitsuko! Tomorrow! Bye bye! I'm home! Who are you? - Who am I? Well, I'm... What happened to mommy? Mommy's tummy hurts. So how 'bout we play together, instead. No! Be strong, Mitsuko. If you're not strong, you'll end up just like me. Hello there, Mitsuko. This little girl's name is Mitsuko, too. Isn't she cute? She's cute and really fun. See? Now all her clothes are off. Now it's our other Mitsuko's turn. Let's take them all off. No! You have to fight for yourself. That's just life. Die! I just didn't want to be a loser anymore... Girls 11 Mitsuko Dead 7 To Go. Girls 16 Yuka... ...19 Chisato... ...12 Haruka... ...17 Satomi, 2 Yukie, 9 Yuko... ...8 Kotohiki, 11 Mitsuko... ...and only one of the boys Sugimura, for 9 total. Let's go west. We can still evade the new danger zones. I've got to see Mimura. Alright... I did it! I got it! We're done too! - Excellent! 2 bombs, 100 Molotovs. - And 3 propane tanks. It took awhile, but my Third Man hacker's software's ready to go! Hackers! - From where! Can't tell! - Trace it back! Too many connections! Our lines are down! Writing over files! - GPS monitor's frozen! Virus invasion! - It's taking over! Virus proceeding! - Satellite systems frozen! Main controls out! Connections down! Danger zones clear! Do somtehing! Goddammit! - Sir! What are you! Re-activate. OK, here goes! 15 minutes 'til their system's back up. Blow up the school and the game's over! I just saw someone over there... What? - Nanahara? Nanahara? - Maybe Sugimura told him about us. Hey, Nanahara, come on out, hurry. Yutaka! Shit who is that! It's him! The transfer! I can't hit him. - Aim calm! Missed again! - Shut up! No good, retreat! Lijima! Lijima! When we escape... it'll be together... Hey! Goddammit! Boys 2 lijima, 12 Yutaka, 19 Mimura, Dead. 4 To Go. That's him. Stay here. Boys 6 Kiriyama Dead 3 To Go. You hurt? No big deal. What matters is we're all that's left now. Yeah. What'll you do after this? I don't know. I've never really... trusted grown-ups My Dad, and my Mom... ...ran off or died 'cause they felt like it... But I'll keep fighting, even though I don't know how... Until I become a real adult. You guys never will. Why not? I told you didn't I? Not to trust anyone. Yeah... - Well you both trusted me too much. You lose. - Cut the sick joke. This was my way off the island. Sorry, but I used you guys to save myself. I don't believe it. What about Keiko? There's no Keiko. She was just a story to suck you in. But why us? You were perfect. Just gullible enough. Hey, Nanahara. Can you really kill me with that gun? Game's over. For real. Move out to check corpses! - Roger! Operation complete. But sir... - Operation complete. Game Over Day Three 4:30AM The Boys 5 Kawada. BR Radio Exercises Raise your arms in front of you and stand on your toes. 1, 2, 3, 4... Move your arms and legs. Swing your arms. Stand with legs apart and exercise your chest. Nice job. Glad you and Kiriyama were in the mix. Not going home? - No rush. Clarify one thing for me. You can deactivate it, right? - What are you... You hacked into the system and swiped that data, right? Avenging Keiko? That's fine. That's why you played the game, right? But cheating's no good. Hey! Was it fun... ...surviving together, love birds? I've had it. The kids make fun of me at school, my own kid hates me. No home to go back to. Might as well take you with me. And the only one worth dying with, would be you, Noriko. If I had to choose one of you, well then it'd have to be you, Noriko. What? Go ahead, shoot. Noriko, you can do it. Noriko, you can do it. Go Shuya!! You can make it, Shuya! What's up? Shoot me or I'll shoot you. Ouch! That hurt, dammit! I made a promise... to protect Noriko... I know it... I know. Hello... Shiori? Listen, I won't be coming home again. Listen, if you hate someone you take the consequences. Irresponsible? Who the hell asked you! The last one... Cookies sure were good. It's beautiful... even though it's where everyone died. You can even steer a ship? Sure, my dad's a fisherman. Just keep going straight and you have to hit land. Give it a try? We part soon. Doubt we'll see each other again. Why not? It's for the best. It was only 3 days, but a lot of memories I'd rather forget. Kawada... - Yeah? Thank you so much. Nanahara! Yeah? It's gonna be tough going. Yeah... I know. Sleepy all of a sudden. Time for a nap. Meeting you guys, I finally solved... ...the riddle of Keiko's smile. The answer? Her parting words. Thank you... and then... And then? Kawada? Kawada? And then... I'm glad I found true friends. And then... I'm glad I found true friends. Wanted for Murder. Noriko slipped home last night to bid... ...her sleeping parents farewell. She took the knife that Nobu used to stab Kitano from her desk. Each of us has a weapon now. Even if the time comes to use them again... ...it'll never be an easy choice. But we've got no choice but to keep moving forward. Let's run, Noriko. Yes. No matter how far, run for all you're worth... RUN! Requiem I 9th Grade, Class B - Friends Requiem ll Shuya's Dream Nobu... Shuya... Look after Noriko, OK? Promise you'll protect her. Requiem llI Noriko and Kitano's Dream You OK? - What? Anybody sees us together, they'll lock you right back in the toilet. It'll be somebody else's turn. Are my classes boring? - Yes. How dare you. I go into class... You guys all look like a pile of potatoes. Slapping 'em around helped me tell 'em apart, even got to like 'em. But not anymore. Now you touch a student, you're fired. Can't even lose it when a student stabs you! I'll tell you just one thing. - What? That knife that stabbed you... Actually, I keep it in my desk at home. When I picked it up, I wasn't sure... ...but now, for some reason, I really treasure it. Our secret. Just between us. Listen, Noriko. - Yes? What do you think a grown-up should say to a kid now? What do you think a grown-up should say to a kid now? Starring FUJIWARA Tatsuya MAEDA Aki YAMAMOTO Taro KURIYAMA Chiaki SHIBASAKI Kou ANDO Masanobu and BEAT Takeshi as KITANO Produced by SATO Masao OKADA Masumi KAMAYA Teruo KAYAMA Tetsu Executive Producer TAKANO lkuro Co-Producers KATAOKA Kimio KOBAYASHI Chie FUKASAKU Kenta NABESHIMA Hisao Based on the novel by TAKAMI Koshun Screenplay by FUKASAKU Kenta Music by AMANO Masamichi Director of Photography YANAGIJIMA Katsumi Lighting by ONO Akira Production Designer HEYA Kyoko Sound by ANDO Kunio Edited by ABE Hirohide Original painting by KITANO Takeshi A production of the BATTLE ROYALE Production Committee Directed by FUKASAKU Kinji

23.976 DVDrip You screwed up! Here we go, here we go! Yeah! All right! Whoo! Got him. Target is in sight. Clock him close. He's not going anywhere. I'm hand-carrying this thing right into the museum. Stan, you've got more cover on you than the president. The diamond is safe. This is an armed caravan, completely bulletproof, magnetic locks. - This transfer is under control. - I'm hot. FBI Travel Link climate control. I don't understand your command. I don't understand your command. I don't under...I don't...I don't... I don't under...I don't understand... It's too damn complicated. - That way. - That's some bullshit! Are you kidding me, ref? That's the Lakers' ball. My blind grandmother coulda seen that! - Sit down, fat boy! - That's the Lakers' ball! I'm callin' it! What are you doing? Green light go, red light stop, buddy. No, no, no. No, sir. Thank you, thank you. Okay, great. Nice job. Bye-bye. - Tip him. Get him outta here. - Yeah, yeah. Jesus. No, come on, that's enough. Okay, thank you. Go take a bath. There you go. Let's roll. That's what I'm talkin' about! Every time! Charge? Charge! Ref, listen! This is insane! It's a foul on him. Charge? I'll show you a charge! I'll show you a damn charge, man! That's the worst call I ever seen! What do you think this is, a rodeo? Then I'll be the clown! - Let me in the game! - Sit down, please. Get out of my way! Play some real ball! Unleash the Beast! Hey, put Malone in there! Put in the Mailman, damn it! Get Shaq in the game! You gotta win this game! You gotta win this game! Don't take me, I'm an American citizen! American citizen, damn it! You sons of bitches! I'm the clown! The Lakers need me! I'm their clown! Shit! He's gone. We've lost him. What? - Burdett is gone. - Find him. He's coming after it. We're fine. Just relax. Don't tell me to relax. I've dealt with this guy before. See him yet? We're looking, we're looking. Safeties off until they relocate Burdett. Oh, kiss me Stand down. We got him. He's still here. On the Jumbotron. He changed his seat. Get a direct visual. You got it. See, Stan, we got you here. No need to panic. Do you have a direct visual yet? Negative. We're still looking. We're clear? We're clear. Come on out. What? That thing is going by itself! Damn! Come on! Jesus! Transfer has been compromised. Ah! What's going on?! Hey! No! ! ! Thank the guys. Good luck. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Your beard tickles. Did he tip you? - One lousy buck. - Cheap bastard. I love it when you undress. Let's do this. ! Roller coaster of love Say what Roller coaster Turn that shit off! Roller coaster What about Mexico? Can't take the water. How about Paris? Can't take the French. Promise me paradise. Can we talk about this after we gas Agent Lloyd? ! Sure. Your love is like a roller coaster, baby, baby I wanna ride Yeah! Move over there 'cause I'm a double dipper Upside down on the big dip dipper 1,2, 1,2,3 I've got a ticket, come ride with me Let me go down on the merry-go-round All is fair on these fairgrounds Let's go slow, let's go fast Roller coaster of love, say what Roller coaster, oh, yeah A few... ! Max! Roller coaster Can you get back on Max. Max. Look at me. Look at me. Don't worry. Get the diamond. Stan. Are you all right? Your own pineapple wine, your dollar fifty all the time Turn around and let me see you Turn around and let me see Your own pineapple wine, your dollar fifty all the time Turn around and let me see you Turn around and let me see Your own pineapple wine, your dollar fifty all the time I got a new dance, hot like pepper From the old to the young, gonna make your body rock It's really easy, easy peasy You can do it anywhere, jump around like you don't care Singin' turn around and let me see you Turn around and let me see Your own pineapple wine, your dollar fifty all the time Turn around and let me see you, turn around and let me see Your own pineapple wine, your dollar fifty all the time A young man oke his leg Old granny oke her back And Jimmy got a migraine from a falling coconut Dead uncle was confused, he has a solution A bottle of the apple wine was his prescription It cure the oke leg, it cure the bad back It cure the migraine, even cure the heart attack The people started jumping 'cause they were feelin' fine This city's greatest sin was their own fine wine, tell me Turn around and let me see you Turn around and let me see Your own pineapple wine, your dollar fifty all the time Turn around and let me see you... I wrote my vows. - What? - I wrote my vows. - You? - Work in progress. Max, this is Ron and, uh... - Hey, hey, hey. - Gail. - Gail, yes. - Great to run into you again. - I met them at the tennis club. - Oh. What kind of business you in, Maxwell? Pest control. - This is Sheila and Ed. - Hey! - Hi. - Hi. They're from Orlando. I met them parasailing. So, uh, what kind of business are you in, Max? I have a bunch of sweatshops in the Philippines. - Oh. - Oh. You should see those kids make those hats. - Great, huh? - Wow. - Scootch in. - Hi. Max, this is Wendell and June. We met snorkeling. - Max, right? - Yes. Yeah, Wendell. - Oh, I love lobster. - Oh, yummy! Wow, look at that! Stocks may rise and fall, economies may collapse, but the American farmer's always gonna need manure. My family's been in manure for three generations. No shit. Holy cow! Sheila and I like to swoc. Swoc? We like to have sex with other couples. Check. Ooh, honey, look at that! Something wrong? Six months. I can't take any more lobster. There's only one thing I enjoy eating more than lobster. Huh, huh, huh? Man, do I love lobster! So, I'm setting up for this 30-foot putt, I got a chance for an eagle. An eagle. Now, sweetie... Steal her acelet. I saw you looking at it. Steal it. You know you want it. We're retired, baby. All I want is you. Come on, let yourself go. Have fun. I bet you can't get it. Of course I can, but I won't. Bet you can't. Max. Aren't you having a good time? Please come again. Maxwell, this one's on me. Oh, thank you very much. That's weird, I can't find my wallet. Did I give you my wallet? No, you didn't give me your wallet. That's so weird! I could swear I put it in my pocket before I came here. It's okay, big fellow. I got it. Oh, thanks, Maxwell. That is so sweet. Where the hell is my wallet? Luc, what's in the Caribbean Romance again? Light rum, amaretto, orange juice, pineapple juice, and a splash of grenadine. What about the Pink Paradise? Coconut rum, amaretto, cranberry juice, orange juice, and pineapple juice. People actually drink this stuff? They love it. You know, it makes them feel exotic. Give me a Jack on the rocks. It doesn't have a fancy name, but if it was good enough for Frank, it's good enough for me. Frank? Who's Frank? Sinatra. Did Frank take an um ella? Not even when it was raining. Hi, baby. How was it? Amazing! You'd love it! The only sounds are your eath and your heartbeat. The reef is like a thousand jewels, sparkling right in front of you. You should really try it next time. Mm-hmm. Well, I like to eathe unassisted. - Oh, really? - Mmm. I thought you liked it when I give you mouth to mouth. State your business. You're gonna shoot an FBI agent, Burdett? All I see is an intruder... ...who just swallowed $80 worth of my whiskey. Put down the weapon. Don't make me shoot you again. Again? Is that the way we're gonna play it? What are you doing in my house, Agent Lloyd? Sitting, drinking, eating chocolate. - You have a warrant? - FBI doesn't have jurisdiction here. I know, that's why I came down here. Oh, I don't think it is. The Seven Seas Navigator docking here for a solid week. They're having a nice promotion for the maiden voyage, calling it the Diamond Cruise. A gem exhibit whose star attraction is the third Napoleon Diamond. Stop me when I get to the part you don't know. It's the only one you two haven't stolen. Allegedly. And it's gonna be right here for a whole week... the last of the set... and I suspect you plan to purloin it. Well, I don't. So finish your drink and get out. It's okay to be happy to see me. Just because you're English doesn't mean you need to hide your emotions. I'm Irish. We let people know how we feel. Now fuck off. And you can take any bugs you planted along with you. I'm retired. A retired guy wouldn't have anything to worry about from those. - Mind if I borrow this? - Take it. You might learn something from it. But return it for me. It's overdue. Give my love to Lola, will you? How was the tennis lesson? Great. The teacher says I'm a natural. He says I've got the best backside he's ever seen. That's backhand. Don't go in there. - Why? - Let's talk. Okay, you're making me nervous, and I don't get nervous. Agent Lloyd just left. What's he doing here? He came to show me this. Damn it, Max. Is this what we're here for? No. It's not. This is not retirement at all. This is the next setup, isn't it? Babe, you chose this island, remember? I hope you don't think this is a gift from God. 'Cause this is God messing with us. Oh, no. Max. Did Stan do this? Sort of. I figured he'd bug the place, so I started checking. Did you find any? Only what he wanted me to find. There's another one here somewhere. Now, don't worry. I already checked. There's nothing in there. That's the problem. There's nothing in here. What is it? What's wrong? I hid the bullet in the camera. What bullet? The one he shot you with. Oh, no. I kept it to remind me of how close I came to losing you. Lola, you know that bullet puts me on the scene. I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll get it back. Good morning, Mr. Lloyd. Your suite is ready. - Suite? - Suite, sir. It's a larger room. Atlantis reserves this idge suite for our more dignified guests. Breakfast is on the house, these are vouchers for free tennis lessons, complimentary skin exfoliant, seaweed body wrap and facial scrub, located in the spa on the club level. Also, please remember. Shoes and shirt are required in all public spaces at all times. State your business. You can't ibe me with a seaweed body wrap, Max. This doesn't buy you one bit of space. I'm gonna be on you wherever you go. It's no ibe, Stanley. I just want you to see that if you lead the kind of life I do, stealing is the last thing on your mind. Mr. Lloyd. Are you ready for your massage? I'll do your back. I'll do your front. You son of a bitch. - Lola? - Yeah. - He hid it in a black jewelry box. - Good job. Thank you. Talented masseuse. You get rid of it this time. I will. Good evening. May I take your order? No, thank you. I just lost my appetite. Just as well. I don't take orders from criminals, I arrest them. Or fall asleep trying. So you're admitting you were there. No. I read about it in the papers, just like everyone else. You're famous. I'm a punchline. But like my grandma used to say, he who laughs last laughs loudest. By the way, return that movie, would you? The store called. I haven't finished it yet. They catch the thief, but it's not who you think it is. I don't like those twist endings. Well, we don't like you. Aw. Lola. They're playing your song. Why don't you take Stanley for a dance? He's feeling lonely. And I am feeling charitable. Let's go, Stan. Really? I'll try to have her back by dawn. Constable... Can I help you? I wanna talk to Mooré. Get out of the way. Monsieur Mooré is currently socializing. Interrupting a man's leisure is harassment. That's not harassment. You feel that? - Ooh. - That's harassment. And you tell your boss this is just the beginning. I have two hands, and I can't be bought. Ooh. Excuse me, constable. May I have a word with you? Audrey, where you get that sugar? Listen, Stan, I know what you're doing. But if you drag Max into your game, he will not lose. Eventually, they all lose. Not my Max. Do yourself a favor... leave us alone. We're just a couple of retirees trying to enjoy the island life. All the same, I'll stick around, see what develops. Excuse me. In a second, honey. You'll get your chance. Damn, I got the stink on me tonight. Step off the dance floor, sir. Hey! - Have fun, Stan. - Hey. Lola! Police. Raise your hands, sir. I'm law. Federal B.I.? It is illegal on this island to carry a concealed weapon without a permit. I'm working a suspect. Are you not supposed to inform local authorities when you arrive, Agent Stanley P. Lloyd? - You know him? - He's my suspect. Well, we're still gonna have to take this to the station and register it. You're letting the criminal go. This is crazy. You think this is crazy? Your dancing, that was crazy. This way, Agent Lloyd. Welcome to paradise. Okay. - The watermarks and holograms match. - Oh. But I still have to register the gun. You have a nice smile. I haven't smiled at you. You will. That's just the way I feel about it, and they have to deal with it. Yes, sir. Ah, Sophie. I need to speak to you. I'm getting complaints about you bothering Henri Mooré. Just doing my job, Zacharias. The man is practically the unofficial mayor of the island. In one year, he's made everyone here like him, something you haven't been able to do in a lifetime. I guess we can't all be the kiss-ass politician you are. I want you to stay behind tonight so we can discuss your attitude. You knew about my attitude the day we got married and knew about it the day we got divorced. You're not gonna learn any more about it tonight. Besides, I have plans with Special Agent Lloyd of the FBI. He's just arrived on the island. Is that so? Shall we? We shall. She's feisty. Mmm. Isn't it beautiful? Yeah. Is it enough? Of course it is. Some people say the only way to rid yourself of temptation is to yield to it. I don't know about that. I say turn your back on temptation... ...or substitute something more tempting. See how easy that was? What's the shortest amount of time you've ever known a guy before you kissed him? I see what you're thinking, and you can forget it. Guys come down to this island looking for a slice of paradise with a local girl, and they will say anything to get it. I resent being lumped in with all guys, though, admittedly, I would say anything right now. How long have you been chasing Max? Seven years... ever since the first Napoleon Diamond went missing. I got to the scene, took a few shots at the getaway car. Next day, bottle of champagne arrives at FBI Headquarters for me, with a note says, ''Aim for the tires next time.'' He was baiting you. - Hmm. - Is there a money trail? Everything's plain... taxes, bank accounts. He doesn't buy expensive paintings, yachts, nothing. I think it's more about the challenge and the alibi... that's his work of art. Sounds like you admire him. Would I like to live one day in his velvety slippers? Maybe. But I don't admire him. He's beat me too many times for that. Maybe you need the female touch. That's exactly what I need. Listen, I want a big arrest, you need local help. I'll extend the FBI courtesy on this one. As long as I'm riding shotgun. What's going on? I'm expanding the deck. You're trying to stay busy. Look, on this deck, we are going to sit here and watch sunsets until we get old. Can't wait. Where are you going? You said I need a hobby. I guess I'll go find one. Really? I'll call you later. He's here. The centerpiece of our exhibit. Napoleon had three priceless diamonds set into the hilt of his sword. After his defeat, they were pried out and dispersed around the globe. This is one of the rare occasions the last remaining diamond is on public display. And next, we have some rare Egyptian gems. Cute little rock. I'm just here to look. Just as well. With six cameras... four stationary, two revolving, a dozen I.R. Motion sensors... Sixteen. You missed the ones at ankle level. Plus your standard 24-hour rotating guards. Un eakable polycarbonate display, controlled by an uncopyable magnetic key card. I just realized... you could never get it anyway. You're right. When you're right, you're right. It's impossible. Give me a ride. I don't think so. Maybe you should think again. May I present Monsieur Henri Mooré. Mr. Burdett. It is a pleasure to meet you, sir. Oh, you're an American. Hmm. Henri Mooré? Ah. My name is Henry Moore. I placed the thing on the ''e''. I felt it more appropriate to my surroundings. - Oh. - Please. I imagine you're wondering why you're here. Well... Forgive Jean-Paul's tactics, Mr. Burdett, but to put it bluntly, the impoverished people of this island need your help. Hmm. Five years ago, I was a successful businessman in Detroit. While vacationing on this island, I was sitting on the beach drinking a... Citron martini. I don't recall what I was drinking... it's not important. But I experienced a revelation... that I had been ought to this island to provide the commensurate social services that were sadly lacking for the poorer elements of society here. And you want me to buy a table at your next fundraiser. No, Mr. Burdett. But I am offering you the opportunity to participate in the vital growth of my infrastructure. Uh-huh. How's that? I want you to steal me that diamond. I'm not a criminal. Right. Neither am I. Good. Then we understand each other. - Yes. - Yeah. Let me show you around, Mr. Burdett. Do you think it fair that the indigenous of this island are not allowed to enter the casinos unless they work there? Why is it that only the rich should enjoy pharmaceutically-assisted moments of personal introspection? The safety and security found in owning your own machine gun. The pleasures derived from financially-procured female companionship. The underprivileged should not be denied these essential diversions. I mean, look around you, Mr. Burdett. No one is turned away. All I do, I do for the people. And why do you need the diamond for that? I have an urgent need to expand my humanitarian program. A cash injection in the tens of millions of dollars would relieve the entire Caribbean. What I'm suggesting is a partnership, Mr. Burdett. You are a stranger to this island. I can give you what you don't have... access to the marina, the crews, rotation schedules, whatever you need. I couldn't sleep. Didn't wanna wake you. I saw you on the ship yesterday. I had a feeling you might be there, too. Don't you ever feel we weren't quite finished? Look, Max, I miss it, too. We were great. And we went out at the top of our game, undefeated. The best time to quit. Maybe. Max, I cased it. It's not a one man job, and there's no way you're pulling me into it. We're retired. Now the challenge is to find joy in simple things. And I like that challenge. Yeah? I lied on the ship. I could get it. Here's how. I'd cut the camera feed and go in from behind the exhibit. It's blowable from the storage room, and I'd do it after 10 P.M. Why? The retired arthritic cops always get that shift. So that's how you do it. And now I've told you. So now I can't. Oh, my God. - What are you doing? - I'm cooking. - Since when? - This morning. We are decent law-abiding people, and decent law-abiding people cook omelets for eakfast. Oh. State your business. You almost had me last night with that old David Copperfield smoke and mirrors trick. ''Look at my assistant with the big tits while I take the Rolex right off your wrist.'' What do you want about her? I wanna know how you're really gonna do it, and you're gonna tell me while we're fishing. Fishing? I don't fish. I got a boat stacked with beer. Drink it yourself. You might as well come. You're paying for it. I charged it to my suite. All the same, Stanley, I'll pass. There is an option. I get the local police to ing you down to the station, we sweat you there. And I do mean sweat. There's no air conditioning, so dress light. The eggs on this island taste funny. They must have some weird chickens. What'll it be, Max? I'll see you soon. Tell me this isn't better than standing in some lineup. I've never been in a lineup. Ooh, that's a hell of a watch. What's that kind of thing run you? A couple of grand. Why don't you pick one up on the Bureau's expense account? Oh, they keep me on a real tight leash. I got you to thank for that. Ah. Whoo! It's cookin' out here. So if I didn't shoot you, where'd you get the screen door? Knitting accident. Dab some of this on my back, will you? Are you serious? Yeah. I've got delicate skin. I don't wanna burn. I bet you were the best kid in the neighborhood at hide-and-seek, huh? So you joined the Bureau. Yeah, I found them all. No one ever found me. Once I found a good spot, I'd stay there for days. There you go. Now, turn around. I'll do you. I'll handle it. No, come on. You're gonna burn. Good. Okay. There. That's good. Wait. Don't you want me to coat everything? That's good. My pole. No way, man! I'm only doing your back! My pole! Hey, we got something. Come on. Oh, oh, oh. Look at this! Oh. We got something here, Stanley. Ooh! ! Shit! Come on! Come on! Help me pull it up. Don't lose it, don't lose it! - It's a monster. - We can do it! This is big. Okay, come on, pull! - Are you pulling? - I'm pulling, man. Jesus Christ! Stanley! One, two, three! Oh! ! Jesus Christ! It's a shark, it's a shark. Yeah. Why is it not moving? - Maybe it's in shock. - What do you wanna do? Maybe it's dead. I mean, it looks dead. Go over and shake it. - Why me? - Well, you're FBI. What's that have to do with anything? If it bites your arm off, you get disability for the rest of your life. - Go! - You hooked it. You go see if it's alive. Yeah, I hooked it, so you go see if it's alive. - Go! - Hey, hey! Oh, okay. Here I go. I'm just gonna sneak up on it. Why are you whispering? So it won't know the plan. Hey. - ! - ! Shit! Watch out, watch out, watch out! You have the right to remain silent! Yeah, it's dead. Yeah. Look at them. If you didn't know any better, you'd think they were friends. You must be Lola. Sophie? Nice gun. Sig Sauer P228. Custom trigger action. Oh. - Nice shoes. - Thank you. - Chanel? - Cruz collection. How bad was it? Oh, not too bad. Sophie seems nice. Yeah, for a cop. Lola seems cool. For a thief. Yes! I resign. You win. Make a wish. Okay. I wish you'd write your vows. I'm so tense. Come here. Let me relax you. What are you doing? Why are you taking off your clothes? Now we're talkin'. Are you being naughty? Naughty enough to spank. Oh, yeah! I'll bite you. Can I bite you? The door. Are we expecting anyone? Yeah. A friend. - A friend? - A friend? A girlfriend. You didn't. I love you, baby. You know I'll do anytthing for you. Wait here. What's she gonna do? Tell him. Tell him. She's gonna help me relax you. You're kidding. Nice. You're gonna like this. Lucky bastard. - Who is she? - You'll see. Max, I'd like you to meet Stan's mom. Night, Stan. Son of a... You're only in port 48 more hours. Stay on high alert. Agent Lloyd, we have the most sophisticated security system ever installed on a seagoing vessel. And you'll need it. Excuse me, sir. There's been a security each. Don't move! Turn around. Turn around! - No! - Stan! Damn it. The other side! Just stop him! Let's do it, come on! Although the famed Napoleon Diamond was undisturbed, the unknown intruder knocked out a Seven Seas Navigator maintenance worker, stole his uniform, and slipped onto the ship. You're cheating on me, aren't you? What are you talking about? Maybe not with a woman, but with a diamond. You want her. And I'm jealous. You've got nothing to worry about. Where were you tonight, Max? I've been home, writing my vows. Oh! Let me see. Sorry. You have to wait. Well, I'm not gonna let that little bitch take my man. I'm gonna fight for what's mine. Really? And how exactly are you gonna do that? I'm a thief. I know a thing or two about distraction. It's a beautiful jewel, Max. But I guarantee you, it's no fun in the tub. Mmm. I had him. You shoulda stayed out of my way. I didn't want you to get hurt. I'm sorry. You're the one who's hurt. You should ice that. Why are men always trying to protect women? 'Cause you smell good. It's all about sex, isn't it? Why can't we just be two cops working a case? Hey, I happen to agree with you. From now on, we're just partners on this. Fine. - So, let's have dinner and discuss it. - No, thanks. How about a steam? What... l... no, I always steam with my partners. Okay, you wanna go for a Jacuzzi, partner? I have a big tub in my room. We have to talk. Max. Great timing. Ride with us. Can we just do this one on one? Oh, of course. California dreaming... Are you familiar with the pleasures of anonymous love, Max? No. Recently I found myself experimenting with alternative lifestyle parameters based largely on the free love philosophy as found in the collected works of The Mamas and The Papas. I never made that connection. Oh, it's there. That Michelle Phillips, she could walk it like she talked it. Earl, burn one of my CDs for Max. Yes, sir. This is it, Max. My vision. My infrastructure growing before our eyes. It used to be a children's hospital, but I'm revitalizing it into a paramilitary training facility. More importantly, that ship is leaving in two days. What's this? Everything you need. Schematics, detailed plan. You can do it yourself. Go in through the air conditioning vents. The exhibit is accessible from the storage facility behind it. There's cameras there, so you're gonna have to cut the central feed. Red wires in the control panel here. If you don't cut the red wire, they'll see everything. - What next? - Blow the wall. - C-4? - Uh-uh. I'd use a shape charge with a detonation cord. Smaller but more effective. And... you'd wanna blow it after 10 P.M. - Why is that? - Graveyard shift. Always the retired cops with arthritis. That's how I'd do it. Then that's how I'll do it. You know, we're not partners anymore, Max. In fact, you see me, cross the street. You gotta go Go where you wanna go Do what you wanna do With whoever you wanna do it with You gotta go where you wanna go Do what you wanna do With whoever you wanna do it with You don't understand that a girl like... Good afternoon. Atlantis. How may I help? Mr. Lloyd, the Bridge Suite, please. Hello. - Stanley. - Yeah. - It's Max, just checking in. - Cut the crap, Max. You're making sure I'm in my room and not following you. How could you be following me if you're in your room? - See you soon, Stanley. - Okay. Hello! What? What? If you're gonna forward your calls, don't tail me so close. ! Hey. I heard the call over the radio. Every year there's one white boy that goes down at Junkanoo. Here's what I found out. Max closed escrow, and then a month later the cruise booked the diamond. - Maybe he is retired. - I doubt it. He met with Henri Mooré today, the biggest gangster on the island. Thanks for coming. You know, this one you really do have to ice. - Ah! - Oh, I'm sorry. Better? There's another one here. Now? This one's particularly painful. There's some referred pain. It's somewhere around... here. I'll have to get hurt more often. And in more interesting places. - Oh, God, I'm vi ating! - So am I. No. No, no. - I'm getting a call. - What? Is nothing sacred? Shit, I have to go. Go? No, you can't go. I just unwrapped my head. Sorry, I need a rain check. What, are you crazy? It never rains here. Just give me five minutes, all right? Five minutes? You should be embarrassed. Okay, three. Oh, Stan, come on. Okay, two! Please don't make me beg. Please. A quick two? Oh, don't worry, I'm quick. Hello. Mr. Burdett, it's Luc from the bar. There's a guest down here that's bombed that's shouting your name. Welcome to paradise, Frank! Well, it's only paradise for criminals, like Max Burdett. Yeah. I hear him. I'll be right there. - Where'd he go? - Over there. Oh, thanks, Luc. What are you doing to yourself? What's wrong? - Nothing. - Nothing's wrong? Me and Sophie hooked up. And it was beautiful. But it's only gonna last for one more day. Why is that? Because the ship's only gonna be here 24 more hours, and you're gonna clip Napoleon llI and make me look like a jerk again. - I'll have another one! - You've had enough. You are not my daddy. I didn't take you as an um ella kind of guy, Stan. These remoras really have a kick to 'em. Hey, Stan, buck up. You're a good agent. No, I'm not. You know, I used to blame you, but now I see it clearly. It's not you, it's me. You've got genius, man. If I had an ounce of what you have, I'd never stop. You've got a gift, man. It's inspiring. I love these remoras! Bartender! Give me another one! It's okay, Stan. It's okay. Luc, you're not working tonight, right? Give us a hand here. Come on, Stan, here you go. Come on. Here you go, buddy. Yeah. Come on, come on. What about me?! That's it, Stanley. Here you go. That's it. That's it. Here we go. You tell anyone I tucked him in, I'll kill you. - Sure thing, Mr. Burdett. - Call me Max. - Max. - Okay. Lola! It's locked. And don't try to eak in. You're not welcome. I finished the deck. You promised to spend the first sunset on it together. - Lola. - That's not all. I found your notebook. Lola. I'll sit down right now and write my vows, okay? The vows are not for me, they're for you. You have to figure out if what we have means anything to you. Come on, Max. Do you really think the third one's gonna make you whole? - I don't know. - Well, don't come back until you do. Where am I supposed to go? She threw me out. Why is it my problem? 'Cause every hotel on the island is booked. Can I move this surveillance stuff? Don't mess with it! It's very expensive. Listen, I'm not gonna sleep on the floor. Well, I guess you're out of luck. We both are. Move over. Shit. So what'd you do? I missed our first sunset on her new deck. That's it? I'm no good at sunsets. Of course you're not. The world is divided up between people who like to watch the sunset and those who don't. Yeah. People like you are never happy. You're anxious, type-A, egocentric perfectionists who can't sit still and die alone with a million bucks and a thousand regrets. The people who can relax, enjoy the sunset, hold hands at the end of the day... they're the happy ones. So why can't you do that? Because of you. Don't hog the blanket. - Good night, Max. - Good night. You know, the Bureau's got a ''don't ask, don't tell'' policy, but this is pushing it, Stan. Kowalski, Stafford. Sophie? The L.A. Office got a call from Inspector Bethel here. He wanted to know the scope of the FBI's operation on the island. Since we don't have an operation on the island, we felt we'd come here and check it out. What's he talking about, Stan? Let me explain. He's on suspension. He has been for three months. Suspension? He was deemed unstable after he lost Napoleon ll. You told me you were here on the case. I am here on the case, and once I bust this guy, get reinstated, upped, these slobs will be saluting me. Are you guys dating? He's nothing but a suspect to me. - Oh, really? - That's not what these show. Your suspect's paying for this suite. And the seaweed body wraps. You two look pretty chummy. So you lied to me, Stan. And you got your slice of paradise, hmm? I hope it was everything you thought it would be. Sophie... You might want to do more of a background check next time before you partner up. She didn't have to be so hard on you, you know? Storming out like that. She's got grounds. The thing you gotta understand about us law enforcement types is we don't much appreciate lying. Come on, Stan, you fibbed, maybe withheld a little. But lie? Nah. You are an FBI agent working a case. You know, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound so bad. I could explain it to her. What about you? You are a hell of a catch. I've seen the way you are with Lola. You love that girl. So you're working out some personal issues. All you need is a little support. Exactly. Hell, I could make her understand. Max can't eat, can't sleep. He's like an injured bird. Stan's hurt. He's in pain. He's like a wounded dog. He needs you, Lola. You're his better half. Just give him one more chance. He's a good guy, Sophie. I'm sure he's a liar, but that comes with the job. I don't know. This is all a bit strange. What do you think, Lola? - I don't buy a word of it. - I'm with you. - No, no, no. - Hey, hey, hey. - Listen, hear us out. - Come on, one second. Look... Tonight the lies stop. He's serious. It's over. He's not chasin' it, and I'm not chasin' him. I'm sorry, but I won't believe you until that ship is gone. And we still got a few hours before she sails. Look, I can't make that ship disappear tonight, but I can make us disappear. - What are you talking about? - I found a hobby. Wait a minute. You didn't tell me about this. When we come up for air, that ship will be headed to Paris and the diamond will be gone forever. So, where you taking us? We're headed to a hidden reef where there's rumored to be 100 million in gold somewhere among the wreckage. You're kidding. Wow! Look at this. Yeah, these ships have been down here since the '40s, but nobody's ever found any gold. Well, maybe with the help of the FBI we'll get lucky. My money's on Max. 100 million four ways... that's 25 million apiece if we split it. Have any idea where to start? It could be anywhere down here. Let's split up, look around. You guys sure this is safe? I'm allergic to shellfish. You've got nothing to worry about. I've seen how you handle sharks. When we get back, I'm buying everyone um ella drinks. Hey, little guy, have you seen any gold down here? Hey, Max, I'm counting on you to make me a rich man. Lola, hypothetically speaking, what's it like to hold 25 million in your hands? I have no idea what you're talking about. Right. - Good night, old-timer. - Eat shit. What the hell is that? There is an intruder in Storage Facility B. - Attempted eak-in in progress. - Son of a bitch! All security to Storage Facility B. Hey, Max. What's up? Where are you? Oh, I'm somewhere inside the ship. Oh, yeah, me too. Thanks, that helps a lot. Max, did you say you were inside the ship? Yeah, it's amazing. Hmm. Really? What do you see? It's pretty dark. I think I'm in the captain's quarters. That's interesting. Max, suddenly I don't feel like having an um ella drink. I'm beginning to think we're gonna go home empty-handed. Where are you, Max? I'm gonna come hunt with you a while. I'm coming to you. How you see me? I cut the red wire. Ah, nice work, genius. You cut the heating to the Jacuzzi. Max, you at the stern? Max? Stan Lloyd to Max Burdett. Come in. Who'd he think he was, the Invisible Man? Dear God. Shit. It was a diversion. Get back to the diamond! Max, where are you? Will you answer me? Hello! There! He's in the vents! He got the diamond! Max, what was that? Max! I think he left his radio. I thought I heard something else. Where'd you go? Is something wrong? Nice costume. - Thanks. - You're welcome. Party all the time, party all the time Party all the time My girl wants to party all the time... Go back to your cabin, please. Aha, there you are! Hey, Max, come on. Last night we were spooning. Now you're running away? Come on! Yoo-hoo, Max. Oh, I get it. A little hide-and-seek. Like I told you on the boat, I caught 'em all. You're good, but you're not that good. You know what they say... the FBI always gets their man. Max! I'm having an air problem! Stan, are you okay? I can't eathe! Help! Where are you, Stan? I'm coming, Stan. It's okay, Stan. I'm right here. Take off your mask. I got him, honey. I'm right here. You're okay, Stan. Nothing to worry about, partner. I saw my life flash before my eyes. Leave it to me to get the faulty regulator. You know, I never dove before. - I would like to propose a toast. - What are we cele ating? Retirement. - I'll drink to that. - Good. Hello. What? How? - What's wrong? - The diamond's been stolen. - What? - Half an hour ago. You set us up. Come on. This whole thing. You got your perfect alibi... me. Hey. Get your hands up. Are you serious? No wonder you just retired. You don't have anything left to steal. I've got to get to the ship. You couldn't resist, could you? You had to screw me one last time. You had to make an ass out of me! Hey, Lola. Lola, wait. Hey. You really did save me down there. I'm sorry I kept you in the dark. I was only trying to protect you. How generous of you. You were right, you know. I couldn't do it without you. You gotta admit, though, the look on Stan's face was sheer poetry. Shut up, Max. Hey. Lola, please. Max, I helped you because I love you. But now I'm leaving you. Lola, I thought you'd appreciate how I did it, you of all people. Hey, hey. I do. It was a smart plan, Max. You're a great thief. But I want a great man. Lola. Move inside. What, you thought this was over? Turn around! I tried to deal with you from an elevated place, man, appeal to your intellect, spit poetry and shit at you. But no, man, you had to ing me down to the gutter. Where is the diamond? - She's got nothing to do with this. - Oh, she does now. You kill my dog, I'm gonna slay your cat. Don't get... ! Nice throw, bitch! No! Where'd you come from? He asked me to help him steal it a week ago. I turned him down. He must have stolen it himself, then he came back here to make sure there were no loose ends. So why didn't you come to me, tell me what they were planning? He said he'd kill us. You wouldn't have believed him anyway. You thought Mooré was the Second Coming for this island. Don't tell me what I think, woman. - Where's the diamond? - I have no idea. - They were trying to frame us. - Are we finished here? You know, I don't believe a word of what you're saying. I know. Don't leave. Good luck, Max. Lola, wait. Hear me out. It's not gonna work, Max. Not this time. I know it's too late, but I finally wrote them. See? Lots of words. But I don't need to read them because I know it by heart. I've spent my whole life chasing things which I thought were valuable, when the only thing I really cared for was right in front of me all along. You are my heart, Lola. From this moment on, you are my only jewel. I want a life filled with sunsets. And I never wanna watch one of them without you, not ever. The first diamond I've ever bought. I love you, Lola Cirillo. Marry me. - On one condition. - Anything. I want the receipt. Here you go, Luc. - Thank you. - Thank you. Jack on the rocks, with an um ella. What the hell, I'm cele ating. Forget the Jack on the rocks, let's have remoras all around. Remoras all around. Stanley, what the hell are you doing here? Well, I thought I'd stick around. Oh, yeah, look familiar? Treated myself, maxed out the credit card. But it suits me, don't you think? Well, it must take a bite out of a government salary. Ah, I can afford it all right. Come on, let's sip our remoras and talk, shall we? I thought you said these things have a kick. Luc, what's in this? Orange juice, mango juice, grenadine, and coconut milk. No liquor? Nada. I love these remoras! Bartender, give me another! You tell anyone I tucked him in, I'll kill you. - Sure thing, Mr. Burdett. - Call me Max. - Max. - Okay. You know, I really like that cove. Are you okay? 'Cause you don't look too good. As an underwater enthusiast, you should know what a remora really is, Max. A remora is kind of a stowaway, a suckerfish that sticks to the shark's body and feeds off it. The shark does all the work, but the remora gets the spoils. You did it, Stan. Right from the start. It's the only one you two haven't stolen. You set me up. I revel in it. I revel in it! Could it be that the great Max Burdett has finally lost? No, I didn't. I got Lola. Congratulations, Stan. I'm looking at it right now. My plane takes off in ten minutes. Tomorrow morning the bidding will start at $30 million, and if I were you, I'd ing cash. You win some, you lose some. We still have the sunsets. Yeah. Don't worry, one day you'll find a hobby. You know, I think I already have. Bye-bye, paradise. No. No! Max! No, you bastard! Last time, right, Max? Last time. You son of a bitch! Max! If you want it, come and get it I've got it Oh, whoa If you need it, come and get it I've got it Oh, whoa If you want it, come and get it I've got it Oh, whoa If you need it, come and get it I've got it Ahh I'm a pro when it comes to the getaway So don't even try to follow me Bonnie and Clyde, me and my lady Right on down to the end of the story I'm wanted in so many countries Not even the feds can catch me 'Cause I am made to run In this profession there is no other like me If you want it, come and get it I've got it Oh, whoa If you need it, come and get it I've got it Oh, whoa If you want it, come and get it I've got it Oh, whoa If you need it, come and get it I've got it Oh, yeah What you think you saw, you did not see 'Cause it's so easy for me To get away from sharks and security I love to challenge my ability So never underestimate me I'm versatile with agility Don't you be surprised if you lose the prize 'Cause I've done this before If you want it, come and get it I've got it Oh, whoa If you need it, come and get it I've got it Oh, yeah Yo To all the ladies in the dance To each and every princess Hey, ah, ha, ah Yo, confess I lose all control when I see you standing there in front of me Your style, your clothes, your hair Hey, woman, you look so sexy The way you wind and the way you dance And the way that you twist and turn your waist Leaves me wanting, leaves me yearning Leaves me feeling for a taste Before the end of the night I wanna hold you so tight So tight You know I want you so much So much And I'm so tempted to touch Yo, uh, uh Tempted to touch, tempted to touch My little woman, man, I need you so much Tempted to touch, tempted to touch My little woman, man, I'm inside your clutch Tempted to touch, tempted to touch My little woman, man, I need you so much Tempted to touch, tempted to touch My little woman, man, I'm inside your clutch Yo To all the ladies in the dance I'm lookin' at these ladies Thinkin' about one of them havin' my babies, huh I don't even know your name Little woman, I don't even know your age But there's somethin' about you, girl When I see you winding in front the stage I'm talkin' about you Please forgive me, please excuse me But there is nothing else that a man can do Excuse me I can't help myself, little woman I just need to be next to you Before the end of the night Before the end of the night, huh I wanna hold you so tight Wanna hold you You know I want you so much Want you so much, huh And I'm so tempted to touch Come on, huh Tempted to touch, tempted to touch My little woman, man, I need you so much Tempted to touch, tempted to touch My little woman, man, I'm inside your clutch Tempted to touch, tempted to touch My little woman, man, I need you so much Na na na-na-na-na na-na Na na na-na-na-na na-na Yeah She's got the touch I love so much That's all I ever wanted I'm surely God-blessed Uh, under her spell she had me crushed I sworn I was anointed Got caught by her magic Ah, she had me drooling for a while With her sexual motion Like taking candy from a child Suck on her love potion I can't believe the changes I've made Since I met my baby You know, she drive me crazy On and on What a beautiful lady On and on She drives me crazy On an on And there's no ifs nor maybes, she goes On and on Yeah-eah Like a volcano she erupt Blowing up my pager Every minute, every hour Whoo-whoo, yeah I realize she likes my stuff I chose the right flavor This moment I will savor Lord I've never trusted pretty smiles 'Cause looks are deceivin' Sexy want my love profound Some pretty girls are misleading Lesson learned, don't judge a book By looking at the cover You know, she drive me crazy

JULY 19, 1997 Morning. Hey. If you're free, could you maybe...? Sorry. Going out. Oh, okay. Morning. You're up early. Going to Shibuya. Oh, to buy a swimsuit? Where's sis? - Up, and just packing her things. Morning, sis. - 'Morning. Ready to escape? Almost. - It'll be lonely after you leave. Easier, you mean. Need money, just in case? You can return the change. Thanks, I have enough. I made French toast. Want some? Something wrong? You seem depressed. Weird dream, maybe. Weird how? I forget. Leaving so soon? Today's your match? Masters, yes. 50m eaststroke and 25m butterfly. Good luck! - Thank you. No cramping like last time! I'll try. Okay, I'm off. See you. Sweetie? I'm leaving. Oh. Good luck. The dream that Yoshii Hiromi dreamed on the morning of July 19, 1997 Halfway up a very tall mountain... a fat man I've never met is forced by a guard to gather mushrooms. It could be an exercise; it could be punishment. The mushrooms have a shape I've never seen before, like shumai. They're dry and caked with powder. After gathering in two places... the fat man finds a scorpion stuck on a rock. It's small, red and green. I can't do this, he says. If I get stung, I'll die. The fat man pleads with the guard, but in his navy blue uniform... the guard pretends not to hear. L O V E & P O P Everything in the world has got a time for change. Men and women, adults and children. Maybe you've got two dads. Or maybe one day you're alive... the next you turn into a grave or a photo. Shapes change and disappear before your eyes. Shapes in your heart too. They fade, and in the end, disappear. Things you think won't change... do, meaning that they can. Will I change? Will I be able to? All I knew was, I didn't know anything. Worldly things always end. People's feelings end. Friends from junior high school end. Then again, new places mean new friends. Maybe the world is all about repeating things over and over. But that doesn't mean I can't try and catch it before it goes. That's what made me pick up the camera. I'm leaving. Trains are where they're supposed to be, always on time. The feeling of being taken away. Every day just like the one before. Hard to believe tomorrow will be different. Extreme grief, extreme joy... I've known neither one. It's no big deal, you know. Vacation in a distant country is more trouble than it's worth. And fancy restaurant food is overrated. Right? It's only now that you can hang with friends, go out and eat as a group. That's true. Still, good food is good food. - I'll say! You do? - Let's eat! Let's eat! Takoyaki, please! It was true. We weren't the types... to waste time doing things now what we could do later, as adults. There's this town called Shibuya. On the end of the Inokashira line, opposite a tunnel. Maybe the symbolism's why we go there. That feeling of opening up. Then again, maybe not. I tell you, I fear for this town! The problem is today's youth, who'll be supporting the Japan of tomorrow. You in high school? Hey, got a minute? Where to? Want tea or something? My car's over there. Honda NSX. Heard of it? It's custom-built. Check out the color. Hey! Let's do tea! Thirty minutes, I swear. I said hey. In ninth grade, right after splitting up with my first boyfriend... I was into telephone clubs. I hear they're small, those booths. About 90 x 90cm, yeah. Chair, TV, table, phone, box of tissue. Um, shouldn't 've mentioned the tissue. Sorry. What kind of work do you do? Uh... guess I'm a writer. A writer? I script variety and music programs. Sometimes screenplays for dramas. An industry guy, then. I guess so, sure. (LAUGH) I thought I'd do some research on telephone clubs. I see. Could we meet maybe? Guess not... Um, sure. Really? My lucky day! Okay, I'll be wearing a Chicago Bulls cap. I'll meet you at the Hozuka building. At the entrance. You'll recognize the cap? There's an angry bull on it. Flaming red, actually. And you met with him? I got scared and ditched him. Red caps still make me panic. You take so many pictures. Can you afford all that? Not really. It's tough. Really? - Yeah. So cute. Say cheese. Now that is not cute. Hey there, girls. Join me for a meal? I'll pay. 10,000 each. Your card, please? How cautious. Why not? Shabu-shabu tastes best with miso sauce. Go ahead. Eat. What grade are you anyway? Eleventh. A year older than my girl. You have a daughter? I do. - In high school? Seishin Girls' Academy, yes. A little lady! - Smart too. Only in 10th, yet she took an award in an English speech contest. Wow. - Very impressive. She takes after me, so she's really good looking.. At school they say she looks like Hiromatsu Ryoko. You know Hiromatsu? Ooh, squid. - Try it with this sauce. It's good. Mmm, it is good. She cooks this gorgeous stuff for me. Another glass of Oolong tea? - Mm. So, so good. Oolong for two, please. You girls. You girls! Your problem is you never listen when other people are talking! Have a drink. Here. Are we really so bad? Very bad. You've no idea how important these last few years are to your future. Get serious about something, anything. If you don't, it going to be a bad college, bad career, bad marriage! It wasn't so wrong what he said. But we didn't want to hear it from him, that's all. JULY 19, 10:00 A.M. Good morning. LATER THAT DAY More pictures? How embarrassing. What's that? Oh, some weird guy. He grabs me... Weird guy? In front of Hachiko. And says use it however I want. Meaning what? Tells me to give it back by tonight. Weird, huh? Weird. He wants to get as many boys as possible our own age to call back... Leave messages for them on a service, he says. Must be gay. Should I return it? Should you? - Shouldn't I? Hey, it's his and he's paying anyway, so let's make a bunch of calls. The weirdoes really come out when it's warm, don't they? It's because I'm an easy target, isn't it? One thing I admire about Her inability to say no to anything. That Nao became attached to computers big-time. Another thing she's passionate about: dieting. I think she's just fine as she is. CURRENT 5x kg I definitely need to lose more. You do? I do. And I'm tying so hard. You are? - I eat less dinner, for example. Or skip it entirely. I jog, even. I'm 7 kg below my max. You are? - I've still so far to... More? - More. You're amazing. - I'm a long way off. I think you're fine. But still, Hiromi, you're so thin. You never seem to gain. No. - You're so lucky. They just say I'm thin, but not sexy. Who does? - My boyfriend. Well... And my finger joints are fat. Cause you crack your knuckles! Like spider-crab legs, they say. How rude! Your boyfriend again? My sister. - Oh, no. How fun. Fun? Where? You're laughing. Girls! Back from school? Course you are, silly me. Say, say, say, want some money? Wait, that wasn't the best way to ask. A part time job. How's that? Just join me for dinner. My apartment is nearby. I'll cook. Here. - Apartment? Just dinner? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! I'll cook, that's all. I cook, you eat. Boy, am I out of date. One person, 5,000 yen! Want me to make it 6,000? 7,000? It's cooler now. Could you turn off the fan? Switch... on! Power... on! The hands. Must wash the hands. Is there anything I can help...? You're a guest. Have a seat. And here we are. Looks great. You cooked all this? Oh, I started last night. It's especially good overnight, minestrone. And this... Some do tomatoes and mozzarella in olive oil and wine vinegar... but I used walnut oil, sushi vinegar and a teensy drop of soy sauce. Tomatoes and nuts go well together, don't you know. Eat, eat. Okay. Chopped walnuts on the mozzarella, interesting, isn't it? Usually, I like a little yolk in my carpaccio, but lately it's been so hot... And I hear E. coli bacteria are back, so raw meat's kind of... ahhh you know? So I went with bonito fish. Goes well, doesn't it? Well? Is it good? It's delicious. Oh, gooood. So I have these parties once in a while. I cook, and people ing wine, yada yada. But I can't have parties on a daily basis, you know? I don't want What? A party at Yoshimura's again? So maybe once every two, three months at most. But I still get these urges to cook. So I go out and get wagyu beef that's, like, 3,000 yen per 100 grams... and whip up steak with herbs. But it's not good when it's just me. I've tried it. Bad idea. The better the dish, the worse it is. Why is that? I tell you. When I see good food going cold on the table, with no one to enjoy it... it kills me. I just love parties. I'll remember how it was in here later, when I'm alone. Once you've gone home. Like how Hiromi-san sat here and had minestrone... Your diet? Or how Nao-san sat there and had spaghetti. Remembering that later will be good for me. You, um, needn't force yourself to eat. There's plenty of... When you take lots of photos, disposable cameras are out. That's why I used the enjo kosai money to buy a real one. But Nao's PC was different. I used up all my savings. Otherwise, it's... ugh. I'm a 16-year-old high school girl. I've nothing to do and would like to hang out. JULY 19, 10:12 A.M. I'll be waiting for your call. Will that work? - I think so. You next, Hiromi. - Me? - Yes. I press 0, right? I'm 16 years right now. But I've no boobs and I'm skinny. If you're some perv who likes no-boob girls, please leave a message. Chi-chan's here. Morning, Chi-chan. - 'Morning! Ugh... It's so hot! - It is. I'll burn right up. - True. Oh. Sachi just paged to say she'd be late. What's so funny? See, some gay guy gave Nao a cell phone. He wants us to get messages from young guys. What a freak. Chi-chan, you too. Press 0 and speak. Ok. Hi, I'm 17 and a junior. I just, um, split with my boyfriend so I'm feeling a bit down. If you've got the time, so do I. I'll be waiting. It's hard. It always comes out uneven. Go to a nail salon, then. But it's so expensive. So you get it professionally once, then do it yourself. Wanna know where I go? - Yeah. They're in J.J. magazine. They're good. Thanks. Well? How are things with your boyfriend? We may eak up soon. How come? I thought he was a keeper. It was different before, but now he wants to get laid every time... plus he's leaving hickeys. See? And then, when I want to hear his voice... This is the voice-mail system. To leave a message... Or when I don't want to hear from him... He confiscated your phone? What did your boyfriend say? He laughed. That's the worst. Remember? You've never done enjo kosai alone, have you? No, never. I've gone all the way, lots of times. I don't think Chi-chan's told the other two this. It became a secret for when we were alone. Nao had a little secret too. That's fake, right? Yeah, but even if it's fake, my folks'll still bust me for it. Hold still... Don't you dare! But someday I want a real one. Too weird? Ah, well. Sachi has a secret too, I think. Sachi! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! We're going to be late! Hurry up. C'mon, hurry! You didn't go to the nail salon? I will at some point, but... But my desire for that had left me. When we became bored of all-night clubbing... Sachi began taking lessons. Hey, you, hey. You hear the beat or what? Dance already. You're too timid. Dance right. I'll get sick of it soon she said, yet she is still going half a year later. Once the first term's over, I'm quitting. What? - No way! And then what? Become a dancer. I passed the audition. I've signed with an agency. It's so out of nowhere. No, I've planned it a long time, actually. But don't pros need talent and luck.? I can't worry about that right now. What about your parents? My mom's on my case but my stepdad's not saying much. I've only been coming to school to see you guys anyway. Sachi does love to dance. Why not? She could also wait to graduate. This isn't the kind of thing you can wait on. I was so frustrated when I couldn't find anything I wanted to do. I wondered if I could stick to anything. But once I started dancing, I knew that was it. Maybe a year or so from now I'll say... wow, what childish I was... or maybe I'll have blown it off. Who knows? I hesitate a lot and I don't like that. Which is why I realized, it has to be now. She's right, I thought. Something you feel vitally important can turn trivial overnight. My sister and I watched a documentary on The Diary of Anne Frank once. Frightening, but I cried because I was moved. Wow. What did you think? We'd love to hear from you. You forget what a big deal just walking freely around is. In bed I thought... Is that why we say anne for our periods? Would I go to Holland someday? My thoughts were a tangled mess. The next day though, they were all smoothed over. Autopilot had kicked in, and I hated it. So cool, Sachi. Incredible. Go Na-o! Go Na-o! Sachi decided to become a dancer, I think... because she hated that feeling too. She wanted an end. He dumped you? For Chi-chan, it was the ending of a relationship. It was going so well, too. I thought so. But when he found out I was in 11th, it was over. Dates have to be older than 20 and younger than 37, he says. Age limits and sell by dates... who needs them? True. I mean, you're right, but... Chi, you've always tried to be more than you are... especially because of your mom. But why keep torturing yourself? We could never know Chi-chan's real pain, of course. The four of us aren't friends because we talk about everything. We're friends because we don't ask questions we don't want to answer... and don't keep quiet when others expect an answer. Dieting, tough studies, eaking up with a guy... it didn't matter. Final exams came to us all. On summer eak, let's go to the beach. Oh, let's go. Sachi will be leaving soon. And next year's there's entrance exams to worry about. There's only this year that we can have fun over the summer. Our last summer, really. Shall we? To the beach? Let's go. Let's. Let's go, go. We'll buy new swimsuits. Yes, let's. I think Hiromi'll look good in seashells. Seashells! - Like Venus. Seashells! - Seashells. Where you gonna wear them? - I dunno, maybe I... Toe rings aren't cool, you know? I know what you mean. - You can't see them in the sand. They don't stand out so much, really. At the beach, watches do, and also rings. Like here, and here. A ring... Will it look good? The flow of time forces an end to everything. Final exams, over. First term, over. Sachi's high-school career, over. I'm terribly sorry, but we're closed. Yo-chan, it's all right. Welcome. Nail care, perhaps? And coloring. This way, please. What can we do for you? This is my first time. My fingers and nails look weird, so I can't color them right by myself. I'm hoping you can help. May I? Filing will help, so don't worry. As for shaping... You're in high school, right? Oval, I should think. Roundish, you mean. That's right. It should be lovely. Then that's what I'd like. Well? What do you think? Amazing! Like they're not even my hands. I think I saw you here once before. You remember? Plans for summer eak? The beach, all four of us. JULY 19, 10:39 A.M. There she is! Let's just watch her a while. Oh, you're cruel. She seems so lonely when it's just her. What the hell? Oh, air conditioning. Isn't that nice? A high-pressure front from the north covers the south Kanto region today. Blue skies. Air temp 29° Celsius. Humidity 46. Wind velocity, east by southeast at 5.5 meters. It's hot... Wow, but in here it's so cool... I'm reborn. Lucky us. - No kidding. Oh, a new watch. After swimsuits, we'll do accessories. - Because we won't know. - That's right... the color. Now that's too much. Disgusting, chasing high-schoolers in oad daylight. That Truth Under the Uniform documentary? No. No. No. No. No. Thank you very much. Already? Did my research. It was easy. Here, how's this? That one's good. Is it? - Should be. I can't decide. And you're set on the triangle type? I want something, you know, bold. It's just... My hair's kind of thick, you know? I love the cut, but in the waves... It's just such a pain, that's all. How about that one? It's not bad, but... I guess it's like being told, Your hair's thick so you wear this, you know? Says who? A voice from above, or something. Oh. Where's Hiromi? To the accessories. That's rare. So, Sachi, huh? Great, yeah. Hey, at least look, will you! Found it! Welcome! Looking at this ring? - Yes. Would you like to try it on? Yes, please. Chief, this customer... How do you do? She'd like to try the topaz. Just a moment. Pardon me. Here we go. Please, try it on. My heart is pounding. My heart is pounding. Like closing your eyes for your first kiss. Like seeing your boyfriend naked for the first time. My heart is pounding. Where'd she go? Hiromi, where are you? Ah. There. And what are you doing? Ooh, let's see. Find something? Oh, wow. That looks great. May I? It's sooo beautiful. Let me. Like another world. Let mee see. Beautiful. Excuse me. Thank you. There's, um, no price tag. It is a special display so we have removed the price tag. Right now, it's 128,000 yen. What time are you open until? We're open until 9:00 P.M. Hiromi, you want it right now, don't you? I wonder if that guy's still around. Huh? Oh, him. What guy? Downstairs, some weirdly well-dressed guy. He said he'd give us 50,000 each, just to eat shabu-shabu with him. Not here. Downstairs. Shabu-shabu guy. Excuse us. Yes? What is it? You said you'd give us 50,000 each to eat shabu-shabu. Yes... How'd you like to karaoke instead with all four for 120,000? Sure, yeah. Would you mind showing us the money first? Okay. Let's go, huh? Let's go. You know a place? Uh-huh. A good one, nearby. In addition, I do have, um, one small request. What is it? I'll tell you at karaoke. I can't say it here. Nothing about touching or showing easts, I hope. Oh, no, no, no. Nothing like that. No. I'll tell you at karaoke. I knew what Chi-chan and Sachi were up to. I appreciate it. But it's still not right. Someday at this very place I'd like to see you again TOEI KARAOKE VIDEO SERIES So, can we ask your name? Kakegawa. It's written Kake from Kakefu plus river. So, Kakegawa-san... - Yes? Kakegawa-san, let's sing songs you really like. Really like? You know, not just recent stuff. But I know the new stuff pretty well. Don't I? But we know older ones, too. Because of the music shows. - Such as? - Such as Alfee, or Tulip, or... - You know Tulip? - We do. We kind of feel bad about having just the songs that we like, you know? Maybe I'll put in a request, then... - Oh, good, please do. Have you already forgotten? Chi must want to get it over with. They must've been so naive back then. How else could a song like that be a hit? Times had to be good. If it were a hit now, I think I'd have to do myself in. Whatcha listening to? Those messages. I was wondering what other girls were leaving. It's pretty extreme. That's my song. Hold this? Um... You said before you had a request? A request? Yes. - And? It's okay. Later's fine. The mood's good now. Mood's important, right? Next message. Hi, I'm 17... and want someone to do enjo kosai. I'd be happy with someone in their 30's or 40's... and am asking 40,000... would like to get in touch ASAP. Call me. I'm 28 and work in an office. Enjo kosai sounds interesting. I'm 152cm tall and weigh 43kg. I'm a 16-year-old high school girl. I've nothing to do and would like to hang out. I'll be waiting for your call. - Will that work? Today, 10:11 A.M. Next message. I'm 16 years right now. But I've no boobs and I'm skinny. If you're some perv who likes no-boob girls, please leave a message. Today, 10:12 A.M. Next message. Hi, I'm 17 and a junior. I just, um, split with my boyfriend so I'm feeling a bit down. If you've got the time, so do I. I'll be waiting. Today, 10:12 A.M. Next message. Hey. What's wrong? Hiromi, hey! You're up. Well, then... And what are those? Muscats. Put out your hand. You don't have to peel it. Chew a few times, then spit into your hand. Don't chew so much that it loses shape. You first. Now tell me your name. It doesn't have to be your real one. Think of something appropriate, and tell me that. Touno Namie. Your reward. Now you. Same for your school. Come up with some other name. Aoyama High. Yanagisawa Tomomi. Give the names due respect. They mustn't be unnatural or, conversely, too ordinary. Jissen Girls' Academy. Ito Miyuki. No real names, now. If you create it, it's still a part of you. Do you see? It's your name for your other self. We never talked about that middle- aged guy again. And not because as if it was a taboo... or we're trying to forget what we did. It's because we didn't understand him, nor did we want to. We do now know, however, that in this world... there are those who'll pay 120,000... for grapes chewed by high school girls. Here, take it. We're not splitting? Hello, what's this? Hiromi wants to... to split the money. But why? - Don't know. Reason unknown. - Don't you want it... the ring? Then take it. I just... - Just what? Why not? We won't be mad. Tell us. Hiromi? I can't say it right, but... but... we did karaoke for it... so we should share, that is all. It's not I don't appreciate it. I do. It's just... I want us to stay friends. You all mean a lot to me, and... It's just... I don't know what to say. I don't. I, I know what Hiromi means... I think. I want us to be equal. Those were the words that came to me later. Still, what a waste. It looked so good on you, too, that ring. You'll buy it someday. I will buy it. Today, in fact. Oh, yeah? Hey, you can... - This. Use this. That's nice, Nao, but isn't it borrowed? I thought your policy was to always give stuff back. It's okay. In this case, it is. Here. He had a laptop and was dressed pretty well. He said he'd be in front of Hachiko all day, but if not, just leave it there. Thanks. Hah! Made it. Wait up! How would I buy the ring? Hiromi, don't be afraid to page us, now. Watch their stuff. They sometimes try to take pictures. Got it? - Mm. Bye! And good luck! How would I buy it? We all knew enjo kosai was the only way. If you want to do something, or there's something you want... if you don't pursue it right that instant... it will always disappear. Um, hello? - Hello, Nao-chan? Hello? Hello. - Nao-chan? No, I'm her friend. Where's Nao? - I just left her. And you are? - Hiromi. Hiromi-chan, huh? Nao-chan's friend? Right. I... Look, did Nao-chan tell you what's up? Um, yes. - Good. Has anyone called? No. - Oh... well, okay. Did you leave lots of messages so young boys would call? Yes. - That's fine, then. I got called to Sangenjaya on business... and now I'm not back in Shibuya until nightfall. Can you hang on to that a bit longer, then? Feel free to use it. I can? - Absolutely. You may get a call from a boy named Yoshio. Will you ask him to come to the office? Tell him I'll be waiting. - Got it. Because I have been waiting, and he hasn't showed. I see. - So what are you up to, Nao-chan? Um... - I'm sorry, you're Hiromi-chan. What are you up to? - Well... All right. Bye, then. Hey. Hey! Gosh darn it. Current time: 3:17 P.M. Time until 9 P.M.: 5h 43m Yoshii Hiromi's money: 44,560 yen Imperial topaz price: 128,000 yen Money needed: 83,440 yen Thank you for calling Neruton Center's Pretty Club. Main menu: To speak directly with a cool guy, press 1. To exchange a message with a different guy, press 2. Welcome to the Seeking-a-Partner message section. To leave the caller a message, press 0. To repeat the message, press 7. To go back one message, press 8. Allright! - Ooh, thank you! To skip to the next message, press . Playing from the first message... Okay, I, um, live in Tokyo, and I'm 28. If we're just having sex, it's 20,000 yen. If you wear your uniform, I could give 40,000... H- Hello. How's about, um, a little phone sex? That's all. I'm 34, self-employed. I'm into video photography. I'm hoping for someone who'll model. I'd prefer a nude high sch... Hi, I'd like to do enjo kosai, but I'd like to talk more first... so leave a message. I'll wait. I want a friend who's got no hair there and a bald crotch. No pranks, pl... I'm looking for a woman to, uh, go to the market with me. You must be young and pretty... someone other guys stop to look at. I work at night, so call before 7:00. I'm not some perv, I swear. If you really are good-looking, 50,000 yen's no problem. Please call. I'm a Tokyo office worker in his late 20's. I'd like a enjo kosai. Someone 15 or older... Cute is appreciated. Call me... Hello? Yes? Oh, I should speak. Good day. Evening? Let's see, I'm 24, in marketing... and I like sexy women with really big, huge boo... Hi there, this is Captain EO. Wanna hang out tonight? Captain EO will surely pay you! Fuzzball will be waiting too. See ya. Uh, early 30's, single male. I know my way around, if you catch my drift. I can get it up tens of times. Sound good? Leave a message. I'm looking for a woman to, uh, go to the market with me. You must be young and pretty... someone other guys stop to look at. I work at night, so call before 7:00. I'm not some perv, I swear. If you really are good-looking, 50,000 yen's no problem. Please call. Um... My name is Hiromi. Hi, I'm Hiromi. I'm 16 and... Please begin speaking at the tone. When you're done, press . Hello, my name's Hiromi. I'm 16 and in high school. I got your message. If you'd like me to shop with you, I will. I've got a cell, so we can use that. I can't be out too late, so don't take too long. I'm 160cm tall, and thin. I'll be waiting for your call. Yes. Um, is this Hiromi-san? - Yes, it is. I left a message... - Thank you. So, where are you now? Shibuya. Near Vivre. What are you wearing? - School uniform. Uniform... Ah, well. We're just going to the market, right? I'm thinking of going by the video place. Would you maybe want to do both? And what would we do there? We'd, uh, rent a video. Locking arms and looking for something to watch, like that. I can't be out late, though... and even a short video will take an hour and a half... N- No, not to watch. We'll just, y'know, look... If you're really the right type, I'll pay. Could you maybe come right now? Where to? I'm by Yamanote Street. Could you take a taxi? All right. Could you get a receipt? You don't look like a child, do you? Maybe a little. Because then we won't look like a couple, and that's a problem. Plus, you're in your uniform. I'll put on extra lipstick. Also, I hate to say, I might not want you after we meet. But I'll still pay for the taxi. May I ask your name? Uehara. Current time: 4:51 P.M. Time until 9 P.M.: 4h 09m Out of pocket (ice tea): 500 yen Yoshii Hiromi's money: 44,060 yen Imperial topaz price: 128,000 yen Money needed: 83,940 yen Psh, high-school girls these days, I swear... There you go, you middle-aged men especially. You could say that there are people with sick minds everywhere and... Yes? Hello? Uh, wrong number, I think. That's weird. I'm, um, borrowing the phone... What? - Borrowing it. Borrowed? - Yes. You're the daughter? Kobayashi's? What? He, um, said he had a daughter. You're not her? Kobayashi-san, you said? You borrowed his phone, right? My friend borrowed it, actually... Now see here... - Yes? You stole it, didn't you? No. My friend. She borrowed it. The name? What? - Your friend's name? Nao. Ah. Nao, the one who's the DJ at Club Ice on Wednesdays. Yes. That Nao? No. So which is it? She's still in high school... High school? Which? Well that, I can't... What the hell? You're making no sense! Well, where are you? In a taxi. Okay, that's it! Just forget it. Tell Kobayashi I'm quitting. Tell him I quit, will you? You'll see him when you return the phone, right? He said he's at the office. Who is? - This Mr. Kobayashi. When? - Just a while ago. Never mind. I'm not going. Oh yeah, tell him the cat's sick, will you? The cat? Kobayashi's cat. A kitten. It's sick, puking up some green liquid. I didn't know what medicine to give, so I didn't do anything. Won't last much longer, though. We're here. This it? Can I get a receipt? Hiromi, Hiromi-san, I'm Uehara. Hi. The market I mentioned, and uh... The video store. Can we do both? It's close nearby, the video. In that case why don't we... It's hot here. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm not used to it. It's been a while since I talked to a woman. On the phone I can... but when you're, near, like this... Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. It's okay, really. Actually... Now I'm thinking no. Never mind. For the taxi. You can go. How so? Go home now. Now I don't want to. Then... - Wait! Maybe just walking together? Just walk. I'm sick, you know. It's not habit? Nope. Disease, doctor said. Of the nervous system. Hard to cure, it seems. A kind of tick, he said. Tick? Like when you, y' know, blink, involuntarily... or twitch your neck, or click your tongue. Mine's rare, doctor said. On the phone you were fine. I covered the receiver, y' know, with my hand. It's just been... y' know... so long... since I saw a girl like you smile. Five years, maybe. Mm, five years. This disease... or habit, or whatever... it's a real turnoff, huh? I understand that. And I smell, right? Plus I sweat a lot. I do construction at night, so no time for public baths. I don't want to, y' know, bathe, then sweat again. After work I, y' know, drink, then sleep. So I can't help it, and people don't come near me. You hate the smell too, I bet. So I don't go out much, but the market and video place I need. They don't like it. They call the cops once. Why? - Because I'm loitering, I dunno. I explained I have a sickness and don't really spit, but they don't apologize. So, sometimes, I purposely spit. I can hear them, y'know? He'll never get a girl, he said on my way out. Plus, he stinks. So that's why I left the message. But you're the first who answered. - I am? Then when you smiled, I had enough. Which is why I said go. It's not like I can afford to get used to it, so... And I got to see you smile. Do they know what causes it? - I know. It tastes like work. What kind of taste? - A taste like shit. Right, you came by taxi. How much? 660 yen. Sorry, no change. - It's okay. But I promised. We'll just rent something and make change. We appreciate your business. The guy, that clerk who hates me, he's here. Him. Never meets my eye when I rent a video... but always, always watching me. So, Hiromi! Let's lock arms and talk. Right here, you mean? Of course here! I have to show you're my girlfriend. Well? He's looking. Isn't he? No, he's not. Hiromi! What shall we watch? Okay, you choose. I'm not really... - Just pretend. There's a lot, so take your time. Me? - That's right, choose. Take your time. Look from end to end... top to bottom... ADULT Pick three. Then we'll take them home and... Look, I... - Just kidding. I'm kidding. But look well. For me, I made a promise... so I'll rent one and that'll be it. Gulp It Up! Steamy Cheerleaders Shameful Girl Mushroom Hunter Train of I Got So Wet If My Back Goes Out, I've Got My Mouth Semen Club 2 ... Semen Club 3 The Their Anus All So Loose I love Pantyhose Primavera for Spring Rape & Rape & Rape Sayuri All the Way to the Wrist Giant-Breast Milking It By Day Evil Sisters Hunting Male Roots Brainless Paradise Suck It Up & Go It's Nurses Are Wild Climactic The Moment. BY PERFORMER HIGH-SCHOOL GIRLS INDUSTRY Look, I'm sorry! What the hell? Thank you for your patronage. Why? Why won't you answer? I don't know what to... what should I what should... don't know what to... what to what to should I... should I what to do... Yes. - Is this Hiromi-chan? Yes. - Did Yoshio call? Yes. Did you tell him I'm here? - Yes. And? What'd he say? He said the kitten is sick. - He what? The kitten. - Sick? Looks bad, he said. Yoshio said that? Of course he did. Only he would. He was at the apartment, then. Anything else? Yes, he said he's quitting. Quit what? What does he mean, quit? Or is there something else? I wouldn't know. Hello? Hello? Sorry. It was just such a shock. Did I do something wrong? Oh no, not at all. Don't worry about it. What should I do with your phone? - You're done with it? Hiromi-chan? - Maybe a little more... That's fine. Please do. - But I feel kind of bad. Actually you're helping me out. Because I'm going back to my apartment. It's right near here. I'll be taking Pri-chan to the vet. Pri is her name. The cat's. Primavera. Beautiful, huh? So let's see... You know that place called Hatfield? Yes. Second floor, 8:00 o'clock. How about it? All right. - You can be a little late. Nice place, Hatfield. Maybe Yoshio will even... guess not. Um... - Yes? I hope your cat makes it. Thank you. Bye, now. Current time: 5:44 P.M. Time until 9 P.M.: 3h 16m 50,000 yen Yoshii Hiromi's money: 93,400 yen Imperial topaz price: 128,000 yen Money needed: 34,600 yen Hi there, this is Captain EO. Wanna hang out tonight? Captain EO will surely pay you! Fuzzball will be waiting too. See ya. Please begin speaking at the tone. When you're done, press . Hello, how do you do? My name is Hiromi. I also... Yes, hello? - Hello, Captain EO here. Oh, hi. I'm Hiromi. Fuzzball asks if Hiromi-chan is a high-school junior. I'm a junior. Know how Namiki Bridge follows Meiji Street? It's Fuzzball who's asking. - I do know. Fuzzball is here now. Would Hiromi mind telling Fuzzball that? I know it. - There, Fuzzball, you see? What about further south... The Sarugaku idge that crosses the JR-Line. In Sarugaku? - U-huh. Hm? What? Captain EO will be wearing a black hat... with a blue jacket and yellow backpack... waiting beneath the Sarugaku idge. He will? Okay, he will. I'll be in my high-school uniform. With a black backpack. Ah, that'll be nice. Hiromi-chan, do you go to Seishin? Seishin Girls' Academy? No. Fuzzball is worried. Will Hiromi-chan really show? I'll be there. Thanks. Until then. Okay. Current time: 6:37 P.M. Time until 9 P.M.: 2h 23m (Are you Hiromi-san?) (Yes, I am Hiromi.) (How come you know sign language?) (My mom does volunteer work.) (She taught me.) (Okay. Go up around the other way...) (and we'll meet up there.) I want to go to a hotel. I want to go to a love hotel. Current time: 6:53 P.M. Time until 9 P.M.: 2h 07m Do you like Seishin girls? - Seishin? On the phone, you asked... There was a bad time with a Seishin girl once. She stood before the house all night with a can of kerosene. And there was late-night choking with a stocking once. That's way too scary. That one went to Seishin. Blood type A. Pisces... from Tottori prefecture. The youngest child. May Fuzzball be taken out? - Please do. Poor Fuzzball. Was it dark and scary? Don't worry, I won't put you back in. Can I take his picture? - Sure. So sorry. Fuzzball has a name for private use. It's not Fuzzball? That's the name of what sits on Michael Jackson's shoulder. This one's got a name all his own. What is it? Names can't just be revealed like that. Not so easily. Like in Fuzzball's favorite movie, Les Dimanches de Ville d'Avray. How can he not mind showing how weird he is... by talking to his stuffed animal like this? Isn't it because he'll never see you again? Yeah, yeah. If you think it's the last time, you can say anything. Like eaking up. Scratch away shame when on a trip. Wait, wrong proverb. True. My connection to him would last a few hours at most. For the first time I realized: I was a woman whose time was bought with money. Heh, can I ask you something? Yeah? Fuzzball, Hiromi-chan has a question for Fuzzball. Yes? He says. How'd you two meet? It must've been over 10 years ago. End of the year before my mother and father divorced. Yeah, over ten. The three of us went on vacation, to Florida, to Disney World. That was my first and last vacation with my father. Captain EO was just starting there. It wasn't playing in Los Angeles yet. Over three days, I saw the movie more than ten times. I met Fuzzball at the souvenir shop on the second day. Soon as I said I wanted Fuzzball, my dad bought him for me. That was the first and last time I saw a movie with my dad. Dad looked bored and fell asleep... even though the movie should have been fun for adults too. Still, he sat through it with me ten times. Fuzzball's real name came from my dad. That's how we're the only ones to know it. How about the one ahead? - Um, how much...? (How much will I get?) (How much do you want?) (Around 40,000.) Fine. You'll get it when everything's done. When everything's done. Welcome. Choose a room from the picture panel. Room 403, to rest. I haven't much more than an hour. Don't worry, an hour's plenty. Are you hungry? - No, but thanks. That looks like the menu. You'd best get something. I have to meet someone at 8:30. That's not for another 75 minutes. I'll pay for it myself. Don't be silly. 74 minutes, now. Chicken pilaf, then. You do enjo kosai a lot? Today's my first time, like this. - Like this? Coming to a place like this and get intimate. Why haven't you before? - Because I haven't wanted to. So why now? - There's something I want, so... Yes? - Nothing. A Gucci bag, or...? - No. Ah. A ring, right? That's it? So it's a ring. - How'd you...? You have pretty fingers. It'd suit you, I thought. Really? That's nice to hear. I'll let Fuzzball know. Fuzzball... Hiromi-chan says she'll buy a ring. Oh, no, what's this? Are you okay? I can fix that for you. You've got stuff to do it? - Mostly, yeah. I'll go get it. I'm sorry. Eat first. First-aid, first. Has it gotten cold? - A little. But it's still good. Something about you makes me want to just talk to you. I get told that a lot. That's right, Fuzzball. Shall we ask her? Ask what? If a god appeared from nowhere and said he'd grant one wish... what would you ask? A wish, huh? Anything. But just one. A trillion yen, maybe. - I don't need Money. But I thought you said you wanted a ring. It's not the ring. What, then? - You won't laugh? What? I want bigger boobs. - Boobs? Because they're kind of small. I'm happy otherwise, more or less. But boobs, yeah. But why boobs when you could have the world's best mind? You mean be smartest in the world? Sounds like a lot of work. Do all high-schoolers think like that? Probably. What about you, Captain EO? Me? - What would you ask for? I've no idea. I'm always thinking, but I can never come up with anything. Right, Fuzzball? There's white stuff, I bet. The stuff that's in between a woman's flaps. I hate that junk. Make sure you clean it out. Come here. She should listen, Fuzzball, shouldn't she? If she doesn't, I may kill her. Come here. You do as I say. Look, I won't kill you. Just listen. Hey. Hey, now what? They're not that small. Did you clean the white stuff? Did you clean it out? Looks like you did. You're naked. I'm clothed. You're not supposed to be here. You can't be getting naked easily in front of some guy you don't know. Everyone's got someone who needs them. Don't they? Maybe that someone's heart is eaking. Maybe that someone is half dead with suffering, ready to cry. How do you think they'd feel... to know the girl so important to them was naked before some strange man? Huh? How d'you think they'd feel? You don't know a thing. Do you think no one would care to see you like this? Huh? You're here, naked... and you're killing someone half dead with grief over it. Well? Do you understand at all? My God. You. Yeah, you. I was gonna use this. Zap you, fuck you like a corpse, run off with your money. I was. But I'll let you off. I liked talking to you, and you fixed Fuzzball. So I'll pay you for your time. Overtime, even. We were together a little over an hour, so I'll be generous and pay you for two. My God. Where are you going? There's nowhere to go. What will you do? I've no will for anything. There's no one you'd like to see? No one. Who could I tell this to? Well, then, what will you do? I have to return the phone. Thank you very much for shopping with us today. We will be closing momentarily. Please ing your purchases to a cashier now. Thank you very much. Welcome Welcome How'd you like to karaoke instead with all four for 120,000? Still, what a waste. It looked so good on you, too, that ring. I will buy it. Today, in fact. Good luck! 9:00 P.M. - STORE CLOSED Welcome, are you meeting someone? Hiromi-chan? Have a seat. Hiromi-chan, were you crying? Oh, that's right. Thanks to you, Pri-chan's fine. What? - She made it. She'd been acting strange. It was an internal organ condition. They're so delicate, pure eds. Dogs too, but mongrels are tougher. Hiromi-chan, do you like cats? I like dogs better, but cats too. It's a strange thing. Cat people like dogs. And dog people like cats. Cat people? - Cat people. They're self-centered. Dog people, they're dedicated. I'm your classic dog-person. I got a call from Yoshio. Probably for the last time, but still we fought... also for the last time. He hardly heard me, being so young. I didn't listen much either, at his age. And now I'm some hack writer. Why should he listen? You're a writer? I script variety and music programs. Sometimes screenplays for dramas. An industry guy, then. I guess so, sure. Say... This is something I heard. You're here, naked, and you're killing someone half dead with grief over it. What does that...? Whoever said it is a very kind person. It's a way of saying, You have value. You mustn't degrade yourself. Your nakedness... your very existence, has great value, to someone. That alone eaks that someone's heart. Welcome home. I'm back. - What's wrong? I'm tired. Did you find a good swimsuit? You should be proud of your mother. She took 12th and 14th place. And after she cramped and dropped out last time, too. Look, look, look! Check this out. Well? A man's dream, neatly laid out. Hiromi sees it, Father. Don't be a pest. Now put away your toys, and have it cleared by tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. There goes my dream, barely an hour old. I'll help you clean. - Don't bother. Did you eat? - Yeah. What'd you have? - Pilaf. Pilaf, huh? Guess I'll turn in. I'm tired. Night. It's... - Yes. Good night. - Bed already? Night, then. And of course, the ring wasn't there. Why should it. You resent how kind your family can be. Yes. But I don't hold it against them. I'm the one who went astray. And what of the ring? I don't want to give it up. But I haven't the nerve. You haven't the nerve to pick up after a failure. When Sachi started dance lessons, weren't you planning to join her? But she's so ahead of me now. When Nao saved money to buy her computer, it made you feel jealous. I felt I'd been stung by needles. When Chi-chan started to really grow up... you felt you'd been abandoned. There was nothing to do but be lonely. It's hard when friends move on. Feelings that one is missing something make you feel lonely. But as time goes on, your need for that ring will move on too. Clinging to that need will be like... keeping the feeling that you don't have something. Being adult is a difficult thing. I'm not sure I'm up to it. Extra!!! You're the only one I'll tell Fuzzballs's real name: Mister Love & Pop The dream Yoshii Hiromi dreamed on the night of July 19, 1997 I was feeling my way through a dark, narrow, underground hallway. At the end there was a big, old refrigerator. The door was covered with rust and was heavy. It made a nasty noise when I opened it. Inside were some dogs, all frozen solid in various poses. The nearest one, I em aced. It melted in my arms. It wagged its tail and started barking happily. From the day we pledged our lives Though we've some wonderful memories That flower we looked at back then That one we called beautiful Those two hearts who did that Are gone and will never come back Oh, for that wondrous love again Oh, for that splendid love once more The sky beneath which we sang of the red dragonfly Though not a bit of it's changed That setting sun back then That one we went chasing after Those two hearts who did that Are gone and will never come back Oh, for that wondrous love again Oh, for that splendid love once more Oh, for that wondrous love again Oh, for that splendid love once more As if because standing alone, in a wide-open field Though I may not mean to, tears come overflowing That wind, it might blow, but we were The ones who'd never change we said Those two hearts who did that Are gone and will never come back Oh, for that wondrous love again Oh, for that splendid love once more Oh, for that wondrous love again Oh, for that splendid love once more Oh, for that wondrous love again Oh, for that splendid love once more

Spend all day with us. There are two-- pardon me-- two of everything in every Noah's arcade. That means two of Zantar, That means two of Zantar, Bay Wolf, Ninja Commando, Snake-azon, Psycho Chopper... It's really good seeing you, Benjamin. You haven't been into Shakey's for so long. Well, I've been real busy. It's two for you 'cause one won't do. All this week, kids under 6 get every fifth-- There's a new pet. Ch-Ch-Chia Chia Pet-- the pottery that grows. They are very fast. Simple. Plug it in, and insert the plug from just about anything. Simple. Even for our customers in Waukegan, Elgin, and Aurora-- We'll be there right on time. So call! Clap on, clap off The Clapper Wayne's World, Wayne's World Party time Excellent Guitar Riff O.K. All right, excellent. Excellent. Whoo! O.K., extreme close-up! Waa! Waa! Waa! Excellent. Excellent extreme close-up. Now it's time for Wayne's World's totally amazing excellent discoveries. Our guest is Ron Paxton. Welcome to Wayne's World, Ron. Thanks, Wayne. Now, you're the inventor of the Suck Kut, right? What exactly is a Suck Kut? The Suck Kut is a revolution in home hair cutting. Wow! What a totally amazing excellent discovery. Well, yes. Fireworks! Now, Ron, the question that's on everybody's mind is, how does it work? I'm fully prepared to give a complete demonstration. O.K. O.K., Garth, just sit there. He's going to put that thing on your melon, O.K.? Just a trim. Don't buzz me, all right? Uhh! Uhh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Tell me, Ron. Exactly how does the Suck Kut work? Well, as you can see, it sucks as it cuts. It certainly does suck. Ohh! Ohh! What are we looking at? Wayne's World. These guys do their show out of their basement. Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! People watch this? Yeah, lots. Turn it off, man! Turn it off! It's sucking my will to live! Oh, the humanity! You want to hand me the telephone? Sure. Uhh! Uhh! Russell, this is Benjamin. Are you watching TV? Listen, could you turn it to channel 10? I want you to find out who these guys are and where they do their show. I think we can sell it to Vanderhoff. Take your Ritalin, O.K.? O.K., you're in a forest. Forest? You're in a forest with Heather Locklear. With Heather? And you're very warm. Very... - Warm? - warm. These guys are so funny. Oh, they're obviously illiant. Hmm. Wow! What a totally amazing excellent discovery...not! Thanks, Ron. O.K., that's all the time we have for this week. Until then, good night! Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth. It's Wayne's World, Wayne's World Party time Excellent Guitar Riff And... we're clear! All right! Excellent! Whoo! Whoo! All right! Excellent! Excellent! Let me ing you up to speed. My name is Wayne Campbell. I live in Aurora, Illinois, which is a suburb of Chicago. Excellent! I've had plenty of Joe jobs. Nothing I'd call a career. Let me put it this way. I have an extensive collection of name tags and hair nets. O.K., I still live with my parents, which I admit is both bogus and sad. But at least I've got an amazing cable access show, and I still know how to party. But what I'd really love is to do Wayne's World for a living. It might happen. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. Horn Honks Ahh, the Mirthmobile. This is my best friend Garth Algar. Hi. I think we'll go with a little Bohemian Rhapsody, gentlemen. Good call. I see a little silhouette of a man Scaramouche, Scaramouche Will you do the fandango? Thunderbolts and lightning Very, very frightening Galileo Galileo - Galileo - Galileo Galileo, Figaro Let me go-o-o-o I'm just a poor boy Nobody loves me He's just a poor boy From a poor family Spare him his life from this monstrosity Whoa! It's Phil. Phil, what are you doing here? You're partied out, man...again. What if he honks in the car? I'm giving you a no-honk guarantee. Phil! Um... if you're going to spew, spew into this. Easy come, easy go Will you let me go? Bismillah No! We will not let you go Let him go Bismillah We will not let you go Let him go Bismillah We will not let you go Let me go We will not let you go Let me go Let me go-o-o-o No, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh, mama mia, mama mia Mama mia, let me go Beelzebub Has a devil put aside for me For me For me So you think you can stone me And spit in my eye So you think you can love me and leave me To die Oh, baby Garth, pull over. Oh! Oh, man! Come on! Not again. He does this every Friday. Stop torturing yourself, man! You'll never afford it! Live in the now! It will be mine. Oh, yes. It will be mine. Ooh Oh, yeah Oh, yeah Nothing really matters Anyone can see Nothing really matters Nothing really matters To me Hey, Wayne's world! Wayne's world! Party! - Yeah! - Whoo! Excellent! Way to go! - Whoo! - Whoo! Party on, Wayne! Hey, Campbell. Uno momento, fellas. Officer Kuharski, how's it going? Fine. Say, I smell bacon. Does anyone else smell bacon? Yeah, I definitely smell a pork product of some type. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're doing, Campbell. Bacon, pig, oink-oink, police officer. Ha ha ha. I said that to cops when I was your age. Hey, what are you up to? I just pulled over a tour bus on its way to Chicago. We had a tip there was some drug smuggling going down. We searched the entire vehicle. It was clean, so we proceeded with body cavity searches. No way. Way! I inspected 12 individuals myself-- Inside and out. Eeew! Uhh! Ugh! O.K., this guy needs coffee and crullers stat! We got to get him to Rampart. Let's go! This is Stan Mikita's Donuts. Excellent munchie post. This is the manager, Glen. He's here 24 hours a day. I recommend the sugar pucks. They're excellent. Come on. I'd never done a crazy thing in my life before that night. Why is it if a man kills another man in battle it's called heroic? Yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion it's called murder? Hello! What do you think you're doing? Only me and Garth get to talk to the camera. Come on. I don't really have too much to say right now. What's that? Ohh! Ohh! Hi, Mr.Withers. How's the amusement park going? Just great, Wayne. Four coffees and a half a dozen crullers, please. And one jelly donut. Hey, there's your girlfriend, Garth. Yeah. Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet Fantasy Overture Plays Ow! Excuse me. I fell. Don't you guys ever get tired of ordering the same thing? - No. - No. Uh-oh. Don't look. Stacy. Where? Oh, God. I made eye contact. Psycho hose beast. Happy anniversary, Wayne. Stacy, we oke up two months ago. That doesn't mean we can't still go out. Well, it does, actually. That's what eaking up is. You going to go to the Gasworks tonight? No! - No! - No! Don't you want to open your present? If it's a severed head, I'll be very upset. Open it. O.K. O.K. What is it? It's a gun rack. A gun rack? A gun rack. Yeah, great. I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I going to do with a gun rack? You don't like it, fine. Slurp Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me. I lost you two months ago. Are you mental? We oke up. Get the net! Wayne! Hey! How you doing? Garth! Tiny, who's playing tonight? Jolly Green Giants, The Shitty Beatles. The Shitty Beatles-- are they any good? They suck. Then it's not just a clever name? Who else? Crucial Taunt, and they're just finishing the set. I hear they can wail. You're right. Party on. Party on. Yo! All right! Now, dig this, baby! You don't care for me I don't care about that This is the Gasworks, an excellent heavy metal bar. Always a babe fest. And they got a pool table, too. Let me stand next to your fire Party! Whoo! Yeow! Party! Excuse me. Whoo! Let me stand next to your fire Let me stand Let me stand next to your fire Excuse me. Um, excuse me. What? I'd like to get by now. Get out of my face, you little dweeb. Ohh! Ow! I have only one itchin' desire Let me stand next to your fire Ohh Let me stand next to your fire Impossible Theme Plays You don't care for me I don't care about that You got a new fool, I like it like that I have only one burnin' desire Let me stand next to your fire Excuse me. Hey, let me stand next to your fire What do you want, you little dweeb? Oh, let me stand next to your fire ! Thank you. You say your mama ain't home It ain't my concern Just don't play with me and you won't get burned Oh, dream weaver I believe you can get me through-- She's a babe! Schwing! Ohh Yeah Ohh Ohh, ohh Ohh Hey Ow, ow! Ha ha! Hyah! Yeah. Ow! All right. Ohh. I love this woman. Hey, Raymond, club soda with a lime, please. And would you get me a towel? Boy, you really wail. Thanks. Hey, you're that party time guy on TV. Wayne, right? Yes, and you are? Cassandra. Cassandra. Rough night, huh? Everybody's kung fu fighting. Yeah. Well, nice meeting you. Hey, hold on! Can I call you sometime? You got 5 bucks, you can come to the rent party. It's at my loft. I'm there. I got to go. The club owner's trying to dick me out of some money. O.K. O.K. See how many people I-- That bass player's a babe. She makes me feel kind of funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class. You said I get cash up front. She will be mine. Oh, yes. She will be mine. Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon? Garth, just sit there. He's going to put that on your melon. O.K., but just a trim. Don't buzz me, all right? Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Oh, no! Russell, stop the tape. So, what do you think? I think it's two chimps on a davenport in a basement. I'm not sponsoring this. I got spots on Love Boat, but this? What is this? Mr.Vanderhoff, this is your audience. They're the same kids that line up at Noah's Arcade. It looks so cheesy. That's where I come in. Russell's our best producer. He does Chicago P.M. with Elaine Ronkey, Sunshine Saturday, The African-American Digest. Never heard of that. It's on very late. It won several awards. I think I'll stick with Love Boat. If I may, speaking from a producer / director standpoint, kids can relate to this show. These guys aren't phonies. Kids can spot phonies. They're very smart. Kids know dick. I watch them in my arcades. They stand like laboratory rats hitting the feeder bar to get food pellets. As long as they pump in quarters, who gives a shit? Let me ask you something. What's your single biggest problem in the arcade business? Well, uh, keeping the customer informed of new product. Like, we have a new game called Zantar. Zantar is a gelatinous cube that eats warriors in a medieval village. Every time it eats a chieftain you ascend to a higher level. Beauty part is you can't get to the next level. The kids keep coughing up quarters. Gelatinous cube eats village-- I think it's terrific. You know, I know nothing about video games. I found what you just said riveting. Well, I do my own commercials. I did not know that. I don't mention the games in the commercials because the technology moves much faster than the advertising. I did not realize that. Russell, did you realize that? No, I did not realize that. So, Mr.Vanderhoff, let me see if I'm hearing you correctly. Are you saying that if you had a spot, say on a weekly show, that you could come on the show and update the kids on exactly what was new in your arcade? Yeah, that's it. I'm impressed. Wow! Noah's Arcade presents Wayne's World. I think that's illiant. Brilliant. Well, thank you. We'll get right to work on this. We'll send the contracts over to your office. We'll be in touch. Oh. I'd like to think about this. Oh, of course you would. I wouldn't have it any other way. She'll validate. Thank you. He's in. Speaking Cantonese Stop it! You're scaring me. Oh, cool. You're learning Cassandra's language. I've never seen you so mental over a girl before. You going to marry her? Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries. O.K., you passed inspection. All right. Just barely. Uh, O.K., that's 42.57, Wayne-- parts and labor. No way. Brutal. Oh, O.K. There you go. All right, we got it. That's not enough. What? We got...that. That's good, but I need more. Oh, man! Why don't you use a gun? It's not my fault. Come on. I suppose it's society's fault? More. RRRrrrr Cool. All right. RRRrrrr RRRrrrr Here's an extra dollar. You guys should have been at Gasworks on Friday. Yeah, we were there. There was this band-- Crucial Taunt-- They had this megababe for a lead singer. Unreal! Phil, we were there. Have you gone mental? Hello? I think we should go now. Here you go. Cool! You think it's wise to sell a show we don't own? By tonight, we will. Ah! Excuse me. Do you know where we could find Wayne Campbell? That'd be privileged information. We just want to know where they oadcast from. Are you a friend or a relative? We're neither. Russell, I may not have grown up around here, but I understand these people. This must be the place. O.K., we're just about out of time, right? But first let's give a Wayne's World salute to the Guess jeans girl Claudia Schiffer. Schwing! Schwing! Tent pole! She's a babe. She's magically babe-licious. She tested very high on the strokability scale. Mmrreowww! Ssss. Are you through yet? I'm getting tired of holding this. Yeah, that's what she said. O.K., so, Claudia Schiffer, we salute you. - Scha-wing! - Scha-wing! That's all the time we have this week. Until then, good night. Party on, Wayne. Wayne's World Wayne's World Party time Excellent Guitar Riff And...we're clear. O.K. Excellent show, everyone. Garth Excellent. Great show. Wayne, Benjamin Kane. Regional program director for Oliver Communications. Oh, hello. I'm Russell Finley. We spoke earlier today. Hi. Maybe we can go somewhere and get acquainted. Russell, get to know the crew. You know anywhere nice? Hi. Hi. Let me get this out of the way-- I'm a big fan. You are? As I see it, your show's capable of so much more. We'll try harder, O.K.? Give us a second chance. Don't cancel us without a second chance. Garth, relax, all right? Your pills? He can't cancel us. We're on public access. Can I be honest? My job, it's usually such a bore, but the other day something incredible happened. What happened? Noah Vanderhoff, owner of the largest video arcade chain in Chicago, is in my office asking me what's with this show Wayne's World I hear so much about? I have your shows on tape. I said I'm a fan. I put a show in. He literally jumped out of his seat. - Cool. - Cool. He wants to sponsor the show, put you on our station, and pay you a huge salary. He doesn't realize you're both artists. You're not interested in money. No, we're not interested in money. That's what I told him. But he said take them two cashier's checks anyway so they know I'm serious. I may be wasting my time, but here I am with the contract and two cashier's checks for $5,000 each. Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? You're going to pay us for doing Wayne's World? Give me the word. I'll tear up these checks. Chokes No! No! He shoots, he scores! Want to look at the contracts? Yes. Do you have a lawyer? Yes. Uh...no. We're between lawyers right now. Our first lawyer screwed our affairs so badly. That's right. I walked right into that office, I grabbed him by his big fat head, and I said I'm not going to jail for you or anybody. Exactly. Can I have an opportunity to peruse that contract before we sign it? Hmm. Yes. Yes. I like what you've done here. Ah. Hmm. Yes. Yes. Um, I dropped my pen. I'm not so sure about... Oh, I see. I see. Hi. Um, does this seem weird? Why does this guy have contracts? Ever see The Twilight Zone where the guy signed a contract, they cut out his tongue, put it in a jar, and it wouldn't die? It grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues. Pretty cool, huh? I got to go. I like this part. I feel we can work with you on this project. You've made Mr.Vanderhoff a very happy man. To Wayne's World. - To Wayne's World. - To Wayne's World. We got $5,000 We got $5,000 We got $5,000 We got $5,000 - Hey, Wayne. - Check it out. We got $5,000 We got $5,000 Ain't got no reason For reaction Party! Whoo! Ain't got no reason for distraction Great party, huh, guys? Love the way that you love me, baby Love the way that you stare Uh-oh. Stacy alert. We're being pulled in by her tractor beam. I got to go. We got to go. Ooh, if you dare Don't be afraid to love me Anywhere Dream weaver I believe you can get me through the night Don't be afraid to love me Anywhere Won't you touch me Won't you love me Just let me know God, she's amazing. I'll be there Wayne, Wayne, Garth told me about the show, man. I love you, man. Yeah, and I love you, too, Terry. No, I mean it, man. I love you. No, I mean it. I love you. No, you don't, man. Why don't you love me Garth, come over here. Terry has something to say to you. I love you, man. Thank you. Oh I'll be there Oh, I'll be there Oh, I'll be there Your vocals are incredible. Thanks. You have a very interesting look. Aha. Oh, I'm not trying to pick up on you. Good thing. No, I'm producing a television show. It's in Chicago. Very late night. We're looking for a musical act. Here's my card. Is there a number I can reach you at? We got fliers at the door. Hello. So hot and bothered Hot and bothered Wayne? Hi, Wayne. Hi. Want to go somewhere and talk? Sure. What's going on in there? Just a minute. We'd like to go to the bathroom, please. In this century. How long you been waiting? Like an hour now. Uh... Hi, Garth. Uh... hi. I'm looking for Wayne. He seems to be going through this difficult phase. You know what I think? That you're mental? You know him best. What should I do? Get over it. Go out with somebody else. Get over it. Go out with somebody else. Yeah, thanks. O.K., great. Hi. So who's this guy Benjamin? Only one of the most important producers in television. He's ahead of his time. We've signed with him. He's based in Chicago. He's interested in the band. Of course. I love your band. You guys wail. Thanks. You guys kick ass. You're Double Live Gonzo! Intensity in Ten Cities. Live at Budokan. If you got a eak, you could make it. And if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hopped. Interesting. Where did you learn English? College... and the Police Academy movies. Ah. Cassandra... I've got something I want to say to you. Speaking Cantonese Campbell, that's amazing. You learned to say I look pretty in Cantonese. Hi, Wayne. Hello, Stacy. Sit right here. Stacy Kiss me. You make me laugh. Can I call you? Anytime. Look out! - ! - ! Oops. Whistling The Theme To Star Trek Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man's gone before, but I'll probably stay in Aurora. What are you thinking about? Cassandra. She's a fox. In French, she'd be called la renard. She'd be hunted with only her cunning to protect her. She's a babe. She's a robo-babe. In Latin, she'd be called babia majora. If she were a president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln. Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he'd put on a dress and play a girl bunny? No. No. Neither did I. I was just asking. O.K., O.K., keep looking up. O.K. - ! - ! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Guys, I will be talking to the cameraman on the headset. Terry will give you hand cues. Excuse me, Russell, but I believe I requested the hand job. Let's go on. The cue is-- watch carefully-- 5...4...3... You didn't say 2 or 1. You don't say 2 or 1. Why not? You just don't, O.K.? Now, it goes... 5...4...3... Good. O.K., good. - Ow! - Ow! We're ready for rehearsal, unless there are any questions. Yeah, um...does this seem weird to anybody else? I mean, we're looking down on Wayne's basement, only that's not Wayne's basement. Isn't that weird? That's twisted. That's weird, man, that's weird. Garth, that was a haiku. Telephone Rings - Russell. - Control room. Oh, hello, Benjamin. Just finishing up with the Vanderhoffs. They'd like to look at rehearsal and make sure we're not wasting their money. Not a good idea, sir. Great. Come in. Your landing gear is down. Just put that down. Ow. Just go away, guys. Hey, hey, hey! Russell's excited you're coming to the studio. Oh, the studio. That's where the magic happens. You've worked in television? No, I watch a lot. Of course you do. You're creative. She came up with the name Noah's Arcade. I just opened my mouth and out it came. You're a lucky man, Mr.Vanderhoff. Bring in the blue screen. Let's try one. Ready to cue Wayne and Garth, and go. O.K. In 5...4...3... Good, Terry. Wayne, Garth, don't count along. We see your mouths moving. Again. In 5...4...3... Guys? You're nodding. Once again, Terry. In 5...4...3...2... Welcome to Wayne's World. Party on, Garth. Party on, Wayne. We got a new feature on Wayne's World which allows us to travel through time and space. It's called chromakey, and it's really handy if you want to go to...New York. We're in New York! I got a gun. Let's go to a Broadway show. I guess kids get this? Oh, they love it. Or maybe you prefer Hawaii. Muka laka hickey. Come on, you wanna lay me. Pass the poi. Mahalo. Or say you want to go to Texas. Howdy, partners. Let's raise and rope oncos. Let's go down to the floor. Howdy, y'all. Or imagine being magically whisked away to... Delaware. Hi. I'm in Delaware. Noah and Mimi Vanderhoff, say hello to Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar. Pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you. Garth, how do you like being in a real studio? It's like a new pair of underwear. At first it's constrictive, but after a while, it becomes a part of you. I got to go. O.K. No, no, no. Please. Wayne, I used to be in meat packing. Lips and hooves. One day, I had a four-hour layover in Tulsa. These kids in the airport kept pumping quarters into a game called Pong. They must've gone through 50 bucks. I sat there watching and said, Hell, I'm in the wrong business. 15 years later, I'm a millionaire. It's so huge. Thanks. Do I frighten you? No. Do you want me to? Noah, I love you on that couch. You think? Noah does all his own commercials. Yeah, I got a new one where I rap. Come bust a move where the games are played It's chill, it's fresh It's Noah's Arcade What do you think of that? I'd have to say... ass sphincter says what? What? A sphincter says what? What? Exactly. We've got a lunch. That's what I think of it. It's been a pleasure. May I say I've had a thrilling day. You may. Shall we? And may I say your wife's a babe. Thank you. We have a table. Woof Woof What is it, girl? Woof Aliens have kidnapped Wayne? Woof Oh, I misunderstood. Wayne's outside. Thanks, girl. O.K. Game on. Game on. Game on. He shoots, he scores! 1 for 1. Crowd is going wild! Honk Honk - Car. - Car. Game on. Game on. O.K., let's go. Worsley cuts down the angle. Gretzky shoots! Oh, Gretzky is denied! Choked on the open net. Wayne? Yeah? Do you feel Benjamin's not one of us? Good call. It's as if Benjamin wants us to be liked by everyone. Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes that everyone liked. They left that to the Bee Gees. Honk Honk - Car. - Car. Game on. Game on. Uh-oh. Incoming. Stacy, 10:00. Hi, Wayne. Hi. Hey, are you all right? Oops. Wayne And she's O.K. Game on. Yeah, game on. Electric Motor Whines You know, Garth, you and I have never really talked. O.K. You know, I love what you do on the show. I look at you, and I just laugh and laugh. Uh-huh. Let me run this by you because you're a sharp guy. I'm thinking about giving Vanderhoff a weekly interview on the show. How would you feel about making a change? We fear change. Electric Motor Starts Motor Slows Down And Stops Cassandra, I have to say it-- You look excellent. Thanks. I've been so busy lately with my band, I thought I was getting meningitis. I thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored. You're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind Excuse me? I'm sorry. It's the last song I heard this morning. I hate when that happens. Hey, Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind Hey, Mickey I think I'm going to put on some tunes. Hey, when did you get the CD player? When we got the money. So big boy said you are bad news We're tired of mama bein' confused It's plain to see we rock 'n' roll If you don't like it, got to move There it is-- Excalibur. Wow. '64 Fender Stratocaster in classic white with triple single coil pickups and a whammy bar. Pre-CBS Fender corporate buy-out. I'd raise the idge, file down the nut, and take the buzz out of the low E. God, I love this woman. Chimes Clang Hi, Garth. Where's the clerk? I know. I'll use the May I help you riff. Heavy Metal Riff May I help you? Yes, my good man. I'd like to look at this Fender Stratocaster, please. Oh, really? Again? Yes. Careful. No Stairway. Denied! Wow. You're...amazing, dude. Thanks. I like to play. Ting Excuse me. Wayne. Can I put the Fender back now, please? Not today, my good man. I'm feeling saucy. I think I'm going to buy it. Do you accept... cash? Cha-ching. Have you spoken to Wayne about the Vanderhoff spot? Yes. Briefly. He was not very receptive. Oh, really? Well, I'll explain to him that it's not a choice, that it's in his contract. Oh. Well, Wayne will understand that right away. Not. Excuse me. I mean, there's two Darrin Stevens, right? Dick York, Dick Sargent. Yeah, right, as if we wouldn't notice. Well, hold on. Dick York. Dick Sargent. Sergeant York. Wow, that's weird. Wayne. Listen, we need to have a talk about Vanderhoff. The fact is, he's the sponsor and you signed a contract guaranteeing him certain concessions, one of them being a spot on the show. That's where I see things just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor. I'm sorry you feel that way, but basically, it's the nature of the beast. Maybe I'm wrong on this one, but for me, the beast doesn't include selling out. Garth, you know what I'm talking about, right? It's, like, people only do things because they get paid, and that's just really sad. I can't talk about it anymore. It's giving me a headache. Here. Take two of these. Ah. Nuprin. Little. Yellow. Different. You can stay here in the big leagues and play by the rules or go back to the farm club in Aurora. It's your choice. Yes. And it's the choice of a new generation. Imitating Paul McCartney And her name was Cassandra Yeah. Anything wrong, Davey? Yeah. I got paid today. Oh, yeah, I know what that's like. No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these. I know how that feels. Know what I'd like to do? Yeah, I know what you'd like to do-- Find the guy that did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and show him how black it is before he dies. Actually, I was thinking about filing a grievance with the union. Well, the world's a twisted place. Hi. - Hey, Garth. - How's it going? Good. Hey. There she is. Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet Fantasy Overture Plays ! I must've slipped. Wayne, um... what do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're going to hurl? I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be. Oh...I'm not ready yet. I got to be comfortable with me first. Cassandra Why don't you just go talk to her? Talk to her? Talk to her? Jimi Hendrix's Foxy Lady Begins Foxy. Foxy. Uh, you know you are a Cute little heart eaker Ha! Foxy. Yeah. And you know you are a Sweet little lovemaker Ha! Foxy. I wanna take you home Yeah I won't do you no harm You've got to be all mine All mine Ooh! Foxy lady Here I come, baby. I’m comin' to get ya. Why don't you just go talk to her? Go talk to her? Go talk to her? Garth? Camera one. Camera two. Camera one. Camera two. Camera one, camera two. Camera one, camera two. Ha ha ha! Don't. Camera one, camera two. Giggling Tell me...when that first show is over, will you still love me when I'm an incredibly humongoid, giant star? Yeah. What about when I'm in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase? Yeah. And when I'm in my carbohydrate-sequin-jumpsuit, young-girls- in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool- of-your-own-vomit, bloated, purple, dead-on-a-toilet phase? Yeah. O.K. Party. Bonus. Telephone Rings Yeah? Oh, hi, Anthony. Who's Anthony? Who's Anthony? My drummer. O.K. You what? No. I told you next week we'll be doing a music video. Do you mind? This is business. Hey, you want to be a busboy the rest of your life? Well, then talk to your boss. Look, this guy Benjamin's putting up serious money for this thing. Yeah. Imitating Marilyn Monroe Happy birthday Mr.President Happy birthday To you Work it out, O.K.? Just-- no, just be there. O.K. Bye. You asshole! Oh! Whoo! Excellent. Rrr! Rrska, rrska! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! So motion to me That you wanted me Hey. All right. Glad you could make it. Oh, wow. Yes. Cool. Yes. This is definitely the type of place I'm going to get when I move out of my parents' house. Oh, you have a terrace! Yeah. Go on out. I'll get the Dom Perignon. What's goin' on... What floor is this? Um...the 23rd. Oh. Oh. You know... Cassandra... from this height, you could really hawk a lugie on someone. Prepares To Spit I feel so free up here. Costs a lot to live this free. Wayne This might be a tangent, right, but it's something I've been thinking about... Hi. If I had a girl like Cassandra, I wouldn't ing her here. I mean, look at this place. This is a fully functional babe lair. Chicks are helpless against its powers. Let's check it out. I don't believe I've ever had French champagne before. Oh, actually, all champagne is French. It's named after the region. Otherwise, it's sparkling white wine. Americans, of course, don't recognize the convention, so they call all their sparkling whites champagne, even though by definition they're not. Ah, yes. It's a lot like Star The Next Generation. In many ways, it's superior, but will never be as recognized as the original. Aha. What's this? How To Pick Up Chicks. How To Meet Women. He's smooth. Aha. Daily reminder-- Thursday. Purchase feeble public access cable show and exploit it. Whoa. I feel sorry for whoever that is. Let's look over here. Ribbed for her pleasure. Ewww! The show looks great. Mr.Vanderhoff's very excited. I'm very excited. I think the show's going to be a huge hit all over the Chicagoland area. I want you and Garth to have these tickets to Alice Cooper's concert tomorrow night in Milwaukee. Wow. Backstage passes. Whoa. All-access backstage with Alice Cooper? Thank you. Take the day off. Enjoy yourselves. Well, what about Cassandra? She and I have work to do. Here's to your success. No. Here's to Benjamin. Mmm-- who wants Chinese takeout? I know a great place. I'll have the cream of sum yung guy. Mmm! Cassandra, why don't you order? No. I'm sure whatever you order will be fine. Oh. O.K. Speaking Cantonese Speaking Cantonese Speaking Cantonese Mountain Dew. Pepsi Cola. Speaking Cantonese This guy is good. Picked up a little Cantonese while in the orient. You sound a lot like you're from Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong. I was born in Kowloon Bay. There you have it. This guy's really good. Well, I want to tell you about me I asked you to stay And still you leave Well, I may look lonely and blue But I've been here waitin' for you And I Want an answer or two Why you wanna eak my heart? Ooh, ooh, why you wanna eak my heart? Ooh, ooh, why you wanna eak my heart? Ooh, ooh, why you wanna eak my heart? Sounds great! Thanks. You got a minute? Sure. You guys hang out. I came by to drop off the contract for the video. Oh, great. I never really got a chance to say thank you. You've been very generous. It's been my pleasure. Listen, I thought if you were done here that maybe we could spend the afternoon together. Take a long, long ride with yourself We should be pretty close to Milwaukee by now. Take a long, long ride with yourself Do you like what you see... Look! There's Shotz Brewery! Cool! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8... schlemiel, schlemazel. Hausenpfeffer Incorporated. We're gonna do it - ! - ! Give us any chance, we'll take it Read us any rule, we'll eak it We're gonna make our dreams come true Doin' it our way Nothing's gonna turn us back now Straight ahead and on the track now We're gonna make our dreams come true Doin' it our way Hey, wait a minute. What are we doing? Yeah! We got backstage passes for Alice Cooper! Feed my Frankenstein Cheering Well, I ain't evil I'm just good-lookin' I started the fire Baby, start cookin' I'm a hungry man But I don't want pizza I'll blow down your house And then I'm gonna eat ya Bring you to a simmer Right on time And run my greasy fingers Up your greasy spine Feed my Frankenstein Do you want to go backstage? She's a psycho Yeah. Let's go back now and beat the crowd. Feed my Frankenstein Hungry for love And it's feedin' time, baby, whoa, whoa Oh, yeah Feed my Frankenstei-ei-ein Where you going? Got a pass. - Yay! - Backstage passes, yeah! - Whoo! - Yeah! Whoo! Ha ha ha! Feed my Frankenstein Uh-oh. I think we took a wrong turn, 'cause we're outside now. Whoa! Look! Is this Alice's limo? No. It belongs to Frank Sharp, head of Sharp Records. Good friend of Alice's. Wow. That's, like, way bigger than a normal size car. Well, it has to be. He drives everywhere. Hates to fly. He's going across the country right now to look for new acts to sign to his label. Next stop is St. Louis. Then he'll come back through Chicago on his way to Detroit. Thanks. You know, for a security guard, he had an awful lot of information, don't you think? Cheering Cooper Thank you, Milwaukee! Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies. Sorry, ladies. I'm sorry. No-- Oh, you got pass-- all right. Come on. Let us through, please! Can't let you in. Sorry. Please? Aw... Alice. Is this cool? Yeah. Come on in. Sorry to bother you, but we had to tell you how much we enjoyed the show, didn't we, Garth? Y-Y-Y... Oh. Thanks. We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid. We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid. My name is Wayne, and this is Garth. Ehhh... Nice to meet you guys. So do you... come to Milwaukee often? Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers were coming here as early as the late 1600s to trade with the Native Americans. Isn't Milwaukee an Indian name? Yes, Pete, it is. Actually, it's pronounced meeleewahkay, which is Algonquin for the good land. I was not aware of that. One of the most interesting aspects of Milwaukee is the fact that it's the only major American city to have ever elected three socialist mayors. Does this guy know how to party or what? Huh? Huh? Oh. O.K. Well, we got to get going. No. Stick around. Hang out with us. Cool. Yeah, we'll stay and hang around with youse... with Alice Cooper. We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're scum! We suck! Our first big show. We almost didn't make it. I really hope Cassandra's watching. Oh, yeah, perfect. Whatever it costs-- - How's it going? - Hi, guys. Well, tonight's the night. A lot of people in the Chicagoland area will be watching the show. I already know it's going to be a hit. I'll be in the booth. Mr.Vanderhoff will be your first guest. Oh, hi, boys. What the hell is this? Can we fly in the sign, please? That's it. Bring her down. - Wha-- - Oh...look. Don't tense up. You'll be great. Garth, have you got a second? Uh...Wh... Simply read the cards. You're going to be wonderful. Really. O.K.? Oh, Russell... can I borrow your marker? I, uh...I need to make some notes. Good luck. My guys. You're my guys! Your name is pronounced Algar, right? O.K. Wayne! They'll be fine. Good. - Stand by... - This is it, honey. In 5... 4... 3... Wayne's World is ought to you by Noah's Arcade. Party on, Wayne. Hey! Wayne's World Wayne's World Party time Excellent It's Friday. It's 11:30. It's time to party with your excellent host Wayne Campbell, and with him, as always, is Garth. Party on, Wayne, and party on, Garth. Wayne's World O.K. Welcome to Wayne's World. Party on, Garth. I guess. O.K. O.K., first of all, we'd like to take a moment here on Wayne's World to welcome our sponsor. He's the owner of a fine chain of Noah's Arcades-- Noah Vanderhoff. Nice name... not. Now, uh, Mr.Vanderhoff... He's using the cards. Yes! I told you he'd fall in line. What is your most popular video game right now? Uh, Desert Storm Commando Warrior. - Ha ha ha. - Ha ha ha. That would have to do with that limited skirmish in the Middle East. Yes. What the hell's he doing? Wayne Aren't there long lines for your more popular games? Well, at Noah's Arcade, we like to say there's two of everything, so there's never a line. Ha ha. O.K. Now, tell me, Noah, I've always wanted to know-- What is the difference between Pac-Man and Ms.Pac-Man, really? Well, she has a bow on her head. That's it? - Ha ha! - Ha ha! Get right out of town. No, that's it. Heh heh. - Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Thank you for being on Wayne's World. It was informative and stimulating. Now a word from our sponsor. We're at commercial. Oh, that was fun. I'll see you next week. I hope. Wayne, could you come to the booth, please? Oh, honey, you were incredible. I think it went really well. Absolutely. There was a huge response up in that little room. Those phrases were not on the cards when I gave them to him. Wayne. What the hell is going on? What are you doing? Same thing we always do. You've publicly humiliated the sponsor. Yeah. You're fired. Fired? For that? Yeah. Right. I'm out of here, and I'm taking my show with me. We own the show. Aw, bite me. O.K. Are we back? Stand by. Coming back? And go. 5... 4... 3... I'm having a good time... not. Ever see that scene in Scanners when that dude's head blew up? Uh... Uh... Uh... Telephone Rings Hello. Hello. It's Benjamin. Oh, hi. Uh, listen, did you see the show tonight? I was working, so I only saw the first part, but I laughed my ass off. We had some technical difficulties, and we're still playing with the format, but... has Wayne talked to you? About what? Why? Are you canceling my video? No. In fact, I called to make sure we're still on. Well, we got a deal, right? Absolutely. I'll see you in Chicago. O.K. Bye. You really pissed me off tonight. Garth, you've never been mad at anything in your life. But you shouldn't have walked out on the show. I handled it O.K., but you shouldn't walk out on your friend without telling him first. I have to run everything by you now? Yeah, you have to run everything by me now. What am I, some sort of chimp with you as always is Garth? Jim to your Marlin Perkins? You know, Benjamin had you so snowed. You know what? He's got it for Cassandra. No way. Way. Yeah! Cassandra's not interested. As if. O.K., pop quiz-- Cassandra is not interested in Benjamin because: A) chicks think he's handsome; B) has cool car;, C) has lots of cash; D ) has no visible scars; E) does not live with parents. O.K., how about-- F) you're a gimp. You know what you can do with your pop quiz? You know what you can do with your show? You can take a flying... Jet Engine Roars Until the handle eaks off and you have to find a doctor to pull it out again. Kiss your mother with that mouth? You've gone mental. I'm getting out of here, Damien. - Fine, then. Go. - I'm gone. Go, then. - I am. - Go. - I'm gone. - Go, then. I am. Where you been? I waited up for you last night, and you never showed. Where are you going? Chicago. Benjamin set up the video shoot. I'll be there for three days. I guess Benjamin will be there, too. He's producing it. And what does that mean? He's been paying you a lot of attention lately. Well, maybe he thinks I've got some talent. Maybe he's pokin' ya. What? You think that's the way I get a gig? First he screws me, then he screws you. It's Dutch door action. Could you be any more insulting? Yeah. I think you better leave. Fine. I'm out of here. Oh, man. What the hell's going on? I lost my show, I lost my best friend, I lost my girl. I'm being shit on, that's all--shit on. And do you know what really pisses me off? Where are you going? O.K., O.K., come on back. Things aren't as bad as they seem. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump on you. I'll figure something out. O.K.? Hey, Mr.Doughnuthead man, who's trying to kill you? I don't know, but they better not. If you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. That's not good! I'm not happy! Oh, no! Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body. Right, Glen. Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee! Hi. Hi. I'm sorry about what I did... Buds? Buds. Officer Kuharski. Damn shame how they screwed up your show. It was a nice little program. Not that I ever watched it. Here you go. So, uh, how you doing? 'K., s'pose. Just wish I had Cassandra back. She's in Chicago shooting a video with Bun-ja-mun. So, uh... Slurping What are you going to do? I don't know. I do have one plan. What are you going to do with these guys? Oh, nothing, really. I just always wanted to open a door to a room where people are being trained like in James Bond movies. Wicked. I think you should just go get Cassandra. I just don't think she wants me to. Let me tell you a little something I've learned about women. They want you to come get them. They love it. I just wish there was something I could offer her that Benjamin couldn't. You'll think of something. Wait a minute. No. Wait a minute. Hmm. Wait a minute! I know-- The guy in the limo, Mr.Big, the owner of Sharp records. If we could just get him to listen to Cassandra play. Halt. Halt. The security guard at the concert said Mr.Sharp was driving back through Chicago on Friday. That's right. Wow. Aren't we lucky we were there to get all that information? It seemed extraneous at the time. O.K., first I'll access the secret military spy satellite that's in a geosynchronous orbit over the Midwest. Then I'll I.D. the limo by the vanity plate Mr.Biggg and get its position. Then I'll reposition the transmitter dish in the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit Westar 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal down into the Azores, up to Comsat 6, beam it back to Satcom 3 transponder 137, and down to the dish on Mr.Big's limo. It's almost too easy. We can only pray he's watching television in his limo at that exact moment. We'll need help. - We'll help. - We'll help. You get Cassandra! We'll do the rest! To the Mirthmobile! Yeah! - Whoo! - Whoo! Honking O.K., this is a take, everybody. I think the snake fell asleep! Uh... Playback! Music Plays Looking good. Ain't got no reason for reaction No Ain't got no reason for distraction I love the way that you love me, baby Love the way that you stare Ooh, the way that you tease me, baby Ooh, touch me Yeah Touch me This snake weighs a ton. It looks great on you. I'm coming down now. I'm telling you, you're hot. Heavy Metal Music Plays On Radio Radio Stops Playing Yes, Officer? Is there something wrong? Have you seen this boy? ! ! You know, you're exactly right. Why leave the hotel? We'll have dinner sent up, you can have a hot bath, and I'll make some calls. Cassandra! We have to talk. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you. I've set up an audition for your band. My show's coming back. You've got to be on it. Go home. I'm not going anywhere. Cassandra, I love you. You may not believe it, but I love you. Am I supposed to just turn my back and leave? Am I supposed to be a man? Am I supposed to say, That's O.K. I don't mind. I don't mind. Well, I mind! I mind big time! And you know what the worst part of all is? I never learned to read. Is that true? Yes. Everything except the reading part. Very nice speech, Wayne. We're very busy. Of course. Her music video. Very clever. But where is her band? - Hi, Wayne. - Hi, Wayne. Oh, hi, guys. I didn't see you there. Well, I guess you've thought of everything, huh? Nothing left for me to do but just go home. Bye-bye, Wayne. It's bedtime. But both you and I know that there is no film in this camera. Jimmy! Wayne... go home. Sometimes people outgrow one another. It's very sad, but you can't let it drag you down. Is that you... or the snake? Campbell, wait up! Cassandra, I know I don't have his looks, I know I don't have his money, I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines, I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw-- Shut your yap and get in the car. Excellent. Woof That's right, girl. Mr.Big's limousine is right where we want it. Theme From Impossible Plays Gentlemen, this is it. Let's go. Down now! Panting Wait up, guys. I fell on my keys. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Freeze! Oh, hi, Russell. How's it going? Hold it right there. Hey! Hey! Watch where you're pointing that thing. Give me the flashlight, Russell. You can help us, Russell. No! I'm supposed to stop you. W-w-what are you going to do, be Benjamin's monkey boy the rest of your life? Benjamin's my friend. No. Benjamin is no one's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick. It's O.K. He's going to be... O.K. Hi. - Hi. - How's it going? I love you, man. I know. No, you don't. I...love you, man. I know. Just say thank you. Hey! Thank you. All right. I understand you're doing your job, but I'm very late. Would you mind placing your hands on the hood, son? There's just one other thing I've got to check. Wayne's World, Wayne's World Party time Excellent Guitar Riff O.K, this is a special Wayne's World, O.K.? It's for an audience of one. So, Mr. Frankie Sharp of Sharp Records, if you're watching and you like what you see, we're at 2234 Pine Way in Aurora, Illinois. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Cassandra and Crucial Taunt! Yeah! Whoo! Well, it's been gettin' so hard Livin' with the things you do to me My dreams are gettin' so strange I'd like to tell you everythin' I see I see a man at the back, as a matter of fact, his eyes are as red as the sun, and a girl in the corner let no one ignore her, 'cause she thinks she's the passionate one. Oh, yeah! It was like lightning Everybody was frightening And the music was soothing And we all started grooving Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And the man at the back said, everyone attack And it turned into a ballroom blitz And the girl in the corner said, boy, I wanna warn ya It'll turn into a ballroom blitz Ballroom blitz Ballroom blitz I'm reachin' out for somethin' Touchin' nothin's all I ever do I softly call you over When you appear There's nothin' left of you Now the man at the back is ready to crack as he raises his hands to the sky, and the girl in the corner is everyone's mourner. She could kill you with a wink of her eye. Oh, yeah It was electric So frightfully hectic And the band started leaping 'Cause they all stopped eathing Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And the man at the back said, everyone attack And it turned into a ballroom blitz And the girl in the corner said, boy, I wanna warn ya It'll turn into a ballroom blitz Ballroom blitz Ballroom blitz Waaa... Ow! Waaaow! Whoo! Yeah! Ha ha ha ow! Hi. I'm Frankie Sharp, Sharp Records. I saw your performance in my limo. I've seen a lot of acts in my day, and although you're extremely beautiful, I just think it's the wrong time. I'm sorry. You screwed my career. I always knew you were small-time. Wayne, I'm pregnant. That's why I've been so moody. Whoa! Look! Fire! Let's get out of here! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Why, God? Why? Last night was the most incredible night of my life. You were terrific. You didn't really think she'd end up with Wayne, did you? Skidding As if. As if we'd end the movie like that. Yeah! Let's do the Scooby-Doo ending. Good call. Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Music Plays Waaaow! Hi. Frankie Sharp, Sharp Records. I just saw your performance in my limo. Wow! We got through. Well, that wraps it up, but there's one last thing. Let's just see who you really are, mister. It's Old Man Withers, the guy who runs the haunted amusement park! I would have got away with it if it hadn't been for you snooping kids! Imitates Scooby-Doo Good one, Shaggy. Excellent Scooby-Doo ending. I think we should do the megahappy ending. The megahappy ending. That's doable. Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Music Plays Waaaow! I'm Frankie Sharp, Sharp Records. I saw your performance in my limo. I must tell you, it was terrific. In fact, I think it's so good, I'm going to give you a six-album deal. See you in my office. I love you, Wayne. I love you, Cassandra. I love you, Garth. I love you, dreamwoman. You know, ever since I did your show, kids are looking at me in a whole new way. I love you, man. And I love you, because I've learned that Platonic love can exist between two grown men. And I've learned something, too. I've learned that a flawless profile, a perfect body, the right clothes, and a great car can get you far in America-- almost to the top-- but it can't get you everything. Isn't it great that we're all better people? - Fishnet! - Fishnet! Fishnet! Fishnet! Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Chicks go mental when we go down the street It's Wayne and Garth that they wanna meet We're in the basement playin' with our toys Oh, if you do not like it, you're a sphincter boy Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Excellent movie. All right. Yeah. Good one. Well, that's all the time we have for our movie. We hope you found it entertaining, whimsical and yet relevant, with an underlying revisionist conceit that belied the film's emotional attachments to the subject matter. I just hope you didn't think it sucked. O.K. So thank you for coming. Good night and party on. Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth. Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Chicks go mental when we go down the street It's Wayne and Garth that they wanna meet We're in the basement playin' with our toys Oh, if you do not like it you're a sphincter boy Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent We might grow old, we might get in a rut Yeah, right, and monkeys might fly out of our butts The right to party is a battle we have fought So we'll surrender and go Amish...not! Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Wayne's World Wayne's World It's party time It's excellent Chicks go mental Chicks go mental Chicks go mental Chicks go mental Chicks go mental You know, I don't think anyone's going to tell us when to leave. Yeah. Good call, Garth. I'll bet we're just going to sit here, and when they're finished, they'll fade to black. I can't believe they did that. I told ya.

ARKANGEL CHEMICAL WEAPONS FACILITY - USSR Beg your pardon. Forgot to knock. I'm alone. Aren't we all ? You're late, 007. I had to stop in the bathroom. Ready to save the world again ? After you, 006. James... For England. For England, Alec. It's too easy. Half of everything is luck, James. And the other half ? Fate. - Set timers: six minutes. - Six minutes. Check. Fire. - Closing time, James. Last call. - Buy me a pint. This is Colonel Ourumov. Come out with your hands up. How original. Shut the door, Alec. There's a draft. Alec ? Move out. Throw down your weapon and walk towards me, slowly. - Finish the job, James. Blow them to hell. - You have ten seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, - three, two... - For England, James. Hold your fire. You'll blow the gas tanks. This is your last chance. Come out with your hands... Wait. You can't win. Get out there. Move. Move it. Hold your fire. Wait. NINE YEARS LATER - James, is it necessary to drive so fast ? - More often than you'd think. I enjoy a spirited ride as much as the next girl, but... - Who's that ? - The next girl. James, stop this. Stop it. - I know what you're doing. - What's that, dear ? You are just trying to show off the size of your... - Engine ? - Ego. We're having a pleasant drive and you ing psychology into it. - I was just sent here to evaluate you. - Let's put that behind us, shall we ? Ladies first. James, I want you to stop this car. - Really ? - Stop this car at once. As you can see, I have no problem with female authority. James, you're incorrigible. What am I going to do with you ? Let's toast your evaluation, shall we ? A very thorough evaluation. Madame wins. Bet, mademoiselle ? Non ? Bets, ladies and gentlemen ? - No players ? - Banco. It appears we share the same passions. Three, anyway. I count two - motoring and baccarat. Seven. Madame wins. I hope the third is where your real talent lies. One rises to meet a challenge. Madame stands with five. Six. Madame loses. - Enjoy it while it lasts. - The very words I live by. And what words do you live by ? - The trick is to quit while you're ahead. - That's one trick I've never learned. Perhaps you'll show me how it's done. Vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred. And for you ? The same. How do you take it ? Straight up, with a twist. Thank you, Mr... The name's Bond. James Bond. Xenia Sergueievna Onatopp. - Onatopp ? - Onatopp. - Your accent... Georgian ? - Very good, Mr Bond. - You've been to Russia. - Not recently. I used to drop in occasionally. Shoot in and out. It's very different now. A land of opportunity. With a new Ferrari in every garage ? No, not quite. That belongs to a friend. A tip for your friend: the French number plates for this year's model start with L. Even the counterfeit ones. And what rank do you hold with the motor vehicles department, Mr Bond ? Commander. Shall we go ? This one is an admiral. I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank. Nice to meet you, Mr Bond. The pleasure, I'm sure, was all mine. Transmission begins from Moneypenny. Identification confirmed. Onatopp, Xenia. Ex-Soviet fighter pilot. Current suspected links to the Janus crime syndicate, St Petersburg. Yacht Manticore is leased to a known Janus corporate front. M authorises you to observe Miss Onatopp, but stipulates no contact without prior approval. End of transmission. Moneypenny. Good night, James. I trust you'll stay onatopp of things. Xenia, I can't eathe. Yes ! Yes ! Merci, mon amiral. My respects, Admiral. Delighted to have you aboard, mademoiselle. Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats for the demonstration of the aircraft. What you are about to see is Europe's answer to the electronic battlefield: the first working prototype of the Tiger helicopter. Uniquely manoeuvrable, the Tiger not only uses Stealth technology, it is hardened against all forms of electronic interference, radio jamming and electromagnetic radiation. I have a small surprise from your friends at the barracks. I think I've gone to heaven. Not yet. Please welcome the pilots. Lieutenant Commander Bernard Jaubert and Lieutenant François Brouse. SPACE WEAPONS CONTROL CENTER Severnaya, RUSSIA Select Mir. Orthographic projection. Compute possible intercept with second-stage geo-sat two. Anna. He wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his head. Boris. What ? I thought I'd post it on the lnternet, no ? - What's the password ? - What's the password? Even you should be able to eak it, borscht-for- ains. All right. All right. I'll give you a hint. They're right in front of you and can open very large doors. - You're such a geek. - Yes. I'm in. You've hacked into the US Department of Justice. What if they trace it here ? The chief of computers will call me a genius, move me to Moscow and give me a million bucks hard currency. I think not. Besides, the Americans are slug-heads. They'll never detect me. You were saying, slug-head ? Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko. - Spiked them. - Come on, Boris. Just hang up. No way. I spiked them. - All right. What's the password ? - I'm not going to tell you. OK. Let me guess. It's not in front of me ? You sit on it, but you can't take it with you. My program seizes the phone line of whoever's tracing me and jams their modem so they can't hang up. Now the hunted becomes the hunter. Better luck next time, slug-heads. Bang. Gone. I am invincible. Was it good for you, too ? I'm getting some coffee. I'm going for a cigarette. General Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov, head of Space Division. - General, if I'd known... - You'd have been ready. This is an unscheduled test of Severnaya, Major. War simulation. We are going to test-fire GoldenEye. Report your status. Two operational satellites, sir, Petya and Mischa, in 90-minute earth orbit at 100km. Good. Here is the authorisation code. Now, the GoldenEye and today's access numbers for satellite Petya, please. I am timing you. Good. Thank you, Major. On my count. Three, two, one... Set target. Severnaya. Arm the weapon. Check it. Their best response time is 19 minutes. They'll be late. It's clean. I had to ventilate someone. - Good evening, Moneypenny. - Good evening, James. M will meet you in the Situation Room. I'm to take you in. - Never seen you after hours. Lovely. - Thank you, James. Out on some kind of assignment ? Dressing to kill ? I know you'll find this crushing, 007, but I don't sit at home praying for an international incident so I can run down here all dressed up to impress James Bond. I was on a date with a gentleman. We went to the theatre. Moneypenny, I'm devastated. What would I ever do without you ? As far as I can remember, James, you've never had me. Hope springs eternal. This sort of behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment. Really ? What's the penalty for that ? Someday you have to make good on your innuendoes. - After you, Moneypenny. - No, I insist. You first. - Good evening, 007. - Tanner. What's up ? 16 minutes ago, we intercepted a distress call from a supposedly abandoned radar station at Severnaya. Look. - We found a match. Your missing Tiger. - In the middle of northern Russia ? Your hunch was right. Too bad the evil queen of numbers wouldn't let you play it. - You were saying ? - No, no. I was just... just... Good. Because if I want sarcasm, I'll talk to my children, thank you very much. - Good evening, 007. - Good evening, M. The prime minister's waiting for an update. Proceed with your iefing, Mr Tanner. Thank you. Yes, after the distress signal, your helicopter took off and the Russians had three MiGs intercept it. What do you think the base is used for ? We suspected it might be the ground station for a secret space-based weapon called GoldenEye, but... Our statistical analysis saw they had neither the finance nor technology. Numbers were never my strong suit. Are these pictures live ? Unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN. Negative so far. Everything seems normal. What the bloody hell was that ? Natalya Fiodorovna Simonova. Boris. Boris. Thanks. Our satellite is knocked out. So are two of the Americans. We have another, coming into range now. Good God. Two of the MiGs are down. It looks like the third went into the dish. What do you think ? No lights. Not one single electric light on in a 30-mile radius. - EMP ? - It would explain the MiGs and satellites. - And the blackout. - Electromagnetic pulse. - A satellite weapon developed by the... - Americans and Soviets in the Cold War. I've read the ief. Discovered after Hiroshima. Set off a nuclear device in the upper atmosphere. Creates a pulse, a radiation surge, that destroys everything electronic. The idea being to knock out the enemy's communications before they can retaliate. So, GoldenEye exists. Yes. - Could this be an accident ? - No. The helicopter. For stealing the GoldenEye, it was the perfect getaway vehicle. Setting off the blast would wipe out any trace of the crime. - The Janus group ? - It may be linked to the helicopter. I know the Russian fail-safe systems. You just don't walk in and ask for the keys to the bomb. You need the access codes. There had to be an insider. At least one person probably knows who it is. Very well, sir. Thank you. Good night. The prime minister's talked to Moscow. It was an accident on a training exercise. Governments change. The lies stay the same. What else do we know about Janus ? Top-flight arms dealers, headquartered in St Petersburg. Restocked the lraqis during the Gulf War. The head man's unreliably described. No photographs. The woman, Onatopp, is our only confirmed contact. - Would you care for a drink? - Thank you. - Your predecessor kept some cognac... - I prefer bourbon. - Ice ? - Yes. We pulled the files on whoever may have had access or authority at Severnaya. The top name on the list's an old friend of yours, I understand. Ourumov. They made him a general. He sees himself as the next iron man of Russia. Our political analysts say he doesn't fit the profile of a traitor. Are these the same analysts who said that GoldenEye couldn't exist? Who said the helicopter posed no threat and wasn't worth following ? You don't like me, Bond. You don't like my methods. You think I'm an accountant, more interested in numbers than your instincts. - The thought had occurred to me. - Good. Because I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur, a relic of the Cold War, whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appealed to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you. - Point taken. - Not quite, 007. If you think I don't have the balls to send a man out to die, your instincts are dead wrong. I've no compunction about sending you to your death. But I won't do it on a whim, even with your cavalier attitude towards life. I want you to find GoldenEye. Find who took it, what they plan to do with it, and stop it. If you come across Ourumov, guilty or not, don't run off on a vendetta. Avenging Alec Trevelyan will not ing him back. - You didn't get him killed. - Neither did you. Don't make it personal. Never. Bond... Come back alive. SAINT-PETERSBOURG, RUSSIA Good morning, General Ourumov. Defence Minister Mishkin... Gentlemen. Please, deliver your report. As you know, 72 hours ago, a secret weapons system - codename GoldenEye - was detonated over Severnaya. As head of Space Division, I personally undertook the investigation. I have concluded this crime was committed by Siberian separatists seeking to create political unrest. Regrettably, the peaceful work and the hard-currency earnings of Severnaya have been set back by several years. Therefore, I tender my resignation. It seems the council does not want your head, Arkady Grigorovich. Merely your assurance that there are no other GoldenEyes. I can give you that assurance, Defence Minister. And what of the two missing Severnaya technicians ? I was aware only of the one. Boris Grishenko. There was a girl also, whose body was not among the dead. Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova. A level-two programmer. I will investigate immediately. It would seem presumptuous to blame this incident on Siberian separatists before the whereabouts of your own people are determined. - Do you agree ? - Yes, Defence Minister. Thank you for inging it to my attention. That will be all. Morning, Q. Sorry about the leg. Skiing ? Hunting. Right. Now pay attention, 007. Right. Now pay attention, 007. BMW. Agile, five forward gears, all-points radar. Self-destruct system. And, naturally, all the usual refinements. Now, this I'm particularly proud of. Behind the headlights, Stinger missiles. Excellent. Just the thing for unwinding after a rough day. Need I remind you, 007, that you have a licence to kill, not eak the traffic laws. - I wouldn't think of it. - Good. Right. Let's get on to more practical matters. A typical leather belt. Male, size 34, buckle, notch. Have you finished ? - Yes. - Good. - A typical belt... - Q, I'm familiar with that device. Not one with a 75-foot rappelling cord built into the buckle. Fire, and out shoots a piton, followed by a high-tensile wire designed to support your weight. I see. And what if I need additional support ? It's tested for one, 007. Flight 878 to St Petersburg. X-ray document scanner. A pen. This is a class 4 grenade. A pen. This is a class 4 grenade. Another three disarms it. How long did you say the fuse was ? Grow up, 007. - The pen is mightier than the sword. - Thanks to me, it is. Look, let's ask Freddie here to demonstrate for us. Here we are. Sorry about this, Fred. One, two, three. - Don't say it. - The writing's on the wall ? Along with the rest of him. Now, 007, do please try and return... Do try and return some of this equipment in pristine order. Don't touch that. That's my lunch. In London, April's a spring month. Oh, yeah ? What are you the weatherman ? For cryin' out loud. Another stiff-assed Brit, with your secret codes and passwords. One of these days you guys are gonna learn just to drop it. Come on. My car's over there. - After you. - Thank you. - Like you said, drop it. - All right. In London, April's a spring month. In St Petersburg, we freeze our butts off. - Close enough for government work ? - No. - Show me the rose. - Please, no. All right, all right, all right. - Muffy ? - Third wife. - Jack Wade, CIA. - James Bond, stiff-assed Brit. - That's a nice move. - Nice car. Hasn't let me down yet. She's an ugly little bitch, but she gets you there. Hey, Bond. Do you do any gardening ? St Petersburg express has now arrived at Platform 3. Can you hand me that wrench, Jimmy ? - So what do you know about Janus ? - Zilch. Zipsky. No one's ever seen him. But the man's connected up the kazoo. KGB, military... Screwdriver. Rumour has it he lives on one of those old Soviet missile trains. That armoured stuff they used to run around so we couldn't target 'em. Wanna hand me that hammer, Jimbo ? No, the bigger one. The sledge. Anyways, to tell the truth, you don't find this guy. He finds you. Hell, it's all Russian Mafia. Best thing I can do is point you in the direction of his competition. - Who is the competition ? - An ex-KGB guy. Tough mother. Limps on his right leg. Name's Zukovsky. - Valentin Dimitreveych Zukovsky? - Yeah. - You know him ? - I gave him the limp. Yes ? - Are these all you have ? - How many do you want ? 24 for the American school, 11 for the Swedish. IBM-compatible with 500 meg hard drives, CD-ROM and 14.4 modems. - You pay dollars ? - Of course. If madam requires a demonstration... Madam requires one demonstration model and a quiet place to test it. Natalya. - Is everything satisfactory ? - Everything except the interruption. Let me get this straight, Jimmy. You shot him in the leg, you stole his car, you took his girl. And now you want Zukovsky to set you up with Janus ? - Yes. - Are you gonna appeal to his heart ? - No. His wallet. - That might work. OK. Showtime. Valentin operates out of building number 23. Are you sure you wanna do this ? Last guy who dropped in uninvited went home air freight - in very small boxes. Make sure they send me home first class. Natalya. It's me. It's Boris. It's Boris. It's Boris. Hello. Another morning shot to hell. Free-market economy ! I swear it will be the end of me. Walther PPK, 7.65mm. Only three men I know use such a gun. I believe I've killed two of them. - Lucky me. - I think not. James Bond. Charming, sophisticated secret agent. Shaken, but not stirred. I see you haven't lost your delicate sense of humour, Valentin. Or your need for an audience. - Who's strangling the cat ? - Strangling a cat ? That is Irina, my mistress. Very talented girl. Irina. Take a hike. So, Mr Bond, what is it that ings you to my neighbour hood ? Still working for MI6, or have you joined the 21st century ? I hear the new M is a lady. I want you to do me a favour. He wants me to do him a favour. My knee aches every single day. Twice as bad when it is cold. Have you any idea how long the winter lasts in this country ? - Tell him, Dimitri. - It depends... Silence. For an ex-KGB agent, you surprise me, Valentin. Surely you must have realised the skill was not to hit your knee, but to miss the rest of you. - So why did you not kill me ? - Call it professional courtesy. Then I should extend you the same courtesy. Kirov's funeral parlour, four o'clock this afternoon. 200 pounds of C4 explosives hidden in a casket. Your man drives the hearse in, the money's exchanged, their man drives the hearse out. Their man will be arrested with the explosives. Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money. Your man will make a miraculous escape with the money. And what do I owe for this accommodation ? I want you to set me up with Janus. - What has he done to deserve you? - Stole a helicopter. - I have six. - Three. None that fly. - Who's counting ? - These aren't just criminals but traitors. They used the chopper to steal a nuclear weapon. Killed a lot of innocent Russians. - What do you expect from a Cossack ? - Who ? This Janus - I never met the man, but I know he's a Lienz Cossack. The group that worked for the Nazis, Second World War. You know your history. At the end of the war, the Lienz Cossacks surrendered to the British in Austria, believing they would join them and wage war against the communists. But the British betrayed them, sent them back to Stalin, who promptly had them all shot. Women, children, families. Not exactly our finest hour. Still, ruthless people. They got what they deserved. I want you to set me up with Janus. Tell him I'm asking about the chopper. - You meet me tonight at the Grand Hotel. - And then you and I are even and - he owes me one. - Precisely. You don't need the gun, Commander. That depends on your definition of safe sex. That's close enough. Not for what I have in mind. You think you can hurt me ? You think you can eak me Yes. Yes. Yes. No, no, no. No more foreplay. Take me to Janus. - This is it? - Yes. Well, I must say, I've had a lovely evening. You ? Once again, the pleasure was all yours. - You'll understand if I don't call. - I won't lose sleep over it. Sweet dreams. Hello, James. - Alec ? - Back from the dead. No longer just an anonymous star on the Memorial Wall at MI6. What's the matter, James ? No glib remark ? No pithy comeback ? Why ? Hilarious question. Particularly from you. Did you ever ask why we toppled all those dictators and regimes, only to come home - Well done. Good job, but sorry, old boy. Everything you risked your life for has changed. - It was the job we were chosen for. - Of course you'd say that. James Bond, Her Majesty's loyal terrier, defender of the so-called faith. Please, James, put it away. It's insulting to think I haven't anticipated your every move. Yes. - I trusted you, Alec. - Trust. What a quaint idea. How did the Ml6 screening miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks ? Once again, your faith is misplaced. They knew. We're both orphans, James. But where your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident, mine survived the British betrayal and Stalin's execution squads. But my father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame of it. MI6 figured I was too young to remember. And in one of life's little ironies, the son went to work for the government whose betrayal caused the father to kill himself and his wife. Hence Janus, the two-faced Roman god, come to life. It wasn't God who gave me this face. It was you, setting the timers for three minutes instead of six. - Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? - No. You're supposed to die for me. By the way, I did think of asking you to join my little scheme, but somehow I knew 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend. Closing time, James. Last call. For England, James. Wake up. Mister. Wake up, please. Wake up. I'm heard. I'm heard. Hurry. Hurry up. Come on. Pull yourself together or we're gonna die. - Do something. Get us out of here. - I'm a little tied up. Never mind. The things we do for frequent-flier mileage. Here. Let me help you. That's it. Mind your head. Let me go. Who are you ? - Listen. I'm on your side. - I don't know anything. - I don't believe you. - I don't care. Look, they might be back any minute. Are you with me, or your countrymen who killed everyone at Severnaya ? I've never been to Severnaya. Your watch has. Frozen by the GoldenEye blast. And I'm willing to bet you're the one who climbed up the dish to get out. - Who are you ? - I work for the British government. The more you tell me, the more I can help you. - But I don't know anything. - Then start with what you do know. My name is Natalya Simonova. I was a systems programmer at Severnaya facility until... Go on. - ...until they killed everyone. - Who ? Alec Trevelyan ? - No. I don't know who that is. - Who's the insider ? Who's the traitor ? Boris. Boris Grishenko. - KGB or military? - Computer programmer. - There was no one else ? - No. They're going to kill me, aren't they ? Trust me. Trust you ? I don't even know your name. Good morning, Mr Bond. Sit. I am Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin. So, by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond ? What, no small talk ? No chitchat ? That's the trouble. No one has time to do a really sinister interrogation any more. - It's a lost art. - Your sense of humour doesn't slay me. - Where is the GoldenEye ? - I assumed you had it. I have an English spy, a programmer and a helicopter... - That's how your traitor wants it to look. - Who attacked Severnaya ? - Who had the codes ? - The penalty for terrorism is still death. - And for treason ? - Stop it, both of you. Stop it. You're like boys with toys. It was Ourumov. General Ourumov set off the weapon. I saw him do it. - Are you certain it was Ourumov? - Yes. He killed everyone, then stole the GoldenEye. And why would he do that ? There is another satellite. Another GoldenEye. Thank you, Miss Simonova. What did you say about the lost art of interrogation, Mr Bond ? Defence Minister, I must protest. This is my investigation. You are out of order. From what I am hearing, it is you who is out of order. I've seen this gun in the hand of our enemy. - Put it down, General. - Do you even know who the enemy is ? - Do you ? - Guard. Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin, murdered by British agent James Bond, himself shot while trying to escape. Guards. Come on. They're in the archive. Down. Spread out. Cover the other side. Trust me. Go now. Faster. Damn it. Down the alley. Use the bumper. That's what it's for. Nazad. What was that ? Go left. Get out. Either you've ought me the perfect gift, or you've made me a very unhappy man. Mishkin got to them before I could. Bond is alive ? - He escaped. - Good for Bond. Bad for you. Take a seat, my dear. You know, James and I shared everything. Absolutely everything. To the victor go the spoils. You'll like it where we're going. You may even learn to like me. Stay with her. Bond. Only Bond. He's going to derail us. Full speed. Full speed. Ram him. Why can't you just be a good boy and die ? You first. You second. Up. Situation analysis: hopeless. You have no backup, no escape route. And I have the only bargaining chip. - Where is she ? - Ah, yes. Your fatal weakness. Ourumov, ing her in. Lovely girl. Tastes like... like strawberries. - I wouldn't know. - I would. So, back where we started, James. Your friend, or the mission ? Drop the gun. I'll let her live. Ourumov, what has this Cossack promised you ? You knew, didn't you ? He's a Lienz Cossack. - It's in the past. - He'll betray you. Just like everyone else. - Is this true ? - What's true is that in 48 hours you and I will have more money than God. and Mr Bond here will have a small memorial service with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance. So, what's the choice, James ? Two targets, time enough for one shot. The girl, or the mission ? Kill her. She means nothing to me. Kill her. She means nothing to me. - One-inch armour plating. - I'm fine, thank you very much ! Boris. Yes. - What are you doing ? - Boris is on-line backing up his files. If I can spike him, I might be able to find out where they're going. - Don't stand there. Get us out of here. - Yes, sir. Good luck with the floor, James. I set the timers for six minutes the same six minutes you gave me. It was the least I could do for a friend. - What does that mean ? - We've got three minutes. - What else do you call your bottom ? - What ? Boris' password. He plays word games. What I sit on but don't take with me. - Chair. - Like I said... 30 seconds. He's not in Russia, Germany, Paris, London, Madrid... - 25 seconds. - New York, Toronto, Chicago, - San Francisco... - 20 seconds. Mexico City, Rio, Miami... - Come on. - Wait. He's in Cuba. Havana... No. Now. Do you destroy every vehicle you get into ? Standard operating procedure. Boys with toys. Maybe I should take care of the transportation for our trip to Cuba. Our trip ? Do you know how to disarm the weapon ? I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming. So, tell me. Are there any other standard operating procedures I should be aware of, Commander ? Thousands. But I only pay them lip service. My whole life I dreamed about coming to the Caribbean. It's so beautiful. Not another human being in sight. What is it with you and moving vehicles ? Yo, Jimbo. Brought a little gift from old whatshisname ? T ? Z ? - Q. - Yeah. - What are you doing here, Wade? - Banyan trees. I am not here. The CIA has no knowledge, no involvement. Nothing to do with your insertion into Cuba, if you catch my drift. Yes, I do. Borrowed the plane from a friend in the DEA. The Coast Guard and the FAA are in the loop. You're cleared on our radar for 06:00 hours. Here's the latest sat-int from Langley. - Stay below 600 feet. - 500 feet. - Who's that ? - Natalya Simonova. - Sim-yo-nova. - Russian minister of transportation. Did you check her out ? - Head to toe. - Right... So, you're lookin' for a dish the size of a football field, huh ? Doesn't exist. - Light a cigar in Cuba and we see it. - I know it's there. It's a duplicate of Severnaya, like your secret transmitters in New Zealand. I've never been there. How does she know about that ? - What if I need backup ? - Get on the radio. I'll send in the marines. Anyway, hang a left at the end of the runway. - Cuba's 80 miles on your right. - Yo, Wade. Just one thing. Don't push any of the buttons on that car. - I'm just gonna bomb around in it. - Exactly. Yo, James. I got faith, but be careful. He knows you're comin'. He was your friend - Trevelyan. And now he's your enemy and you will kill him. It is that simple ? In a word, yes. - Unless he kills you first. - Natalya... You think I'm impressed? With your guns, your killing, your death. For what ? So you can be a hero ? - All the heroes I know are dead. - Natalya... How can you act like this ? How can you be so cold ? It's what keeps me alive. No. It's what keeps you alone. James... Yes ? On the train, when you told him to kill me and that I meant nothing to you, did you mean it ? Yes. Basic rule: always call their bluff. No. Turn ten degrees south, bearing 1-8-4. Yes, sir. Nothing. There is nothing here. Let's make another pass. Maybe Wade was right. There is no dish. Natalya. This time, Mr Bond, the pleasure will be all mine. You wait for your turn. She always did enjoy a good squeeze. - Is the satellite in range? - Six minutes. - Prepare the dish. - No. It's too early. - I am not ready. - Do it. No wonder we couldn't see it. Come on. The world's greatest cash card. It had better not be rejected. - Mischa is on-line. - Sir. Kill him. The man just won't take a hint. - Target coordinates ? - The target is London. He's getting ready to signal the satellite. - How do you stop it ? - The transmitter above the antenna. Antenna in position. On my count. Three, two, one. God save the Queen. - The mainframe computer. - Don't move. James. What an unpleasant surprise. - We aim to please. - Where's the girl ? Find her. So, how is old Q ? Up to his usual tricks ? The watch. A new model. Still press here, do I ? Interesting setup, Alec. You eak into the Bank of England via computer, then transfer the money electronically just seconds before you set off the GoldenEye, which erases any record of the transactions. - Ingenious. - Thank you, James. But it still boils down to petty theft. In the end, you're just a bank robber. Nothing more than a common thief. You always did have a small mind, James. It's not just erasing bank records. It's everything on every computer in London. Tax records, the stock market, credit ratings, land registries, criminal records. In 16 minutes and 43... no, 42 seconds,, the United Kingdom will re-enter the Stone Age. A worldwide financial meltdown. And all so mad little Alec can settle a score with the world 50 years on. Please, James. Spare me the Freud. I might as well ask you if all the vodka martinis ever silence the screams of all the men you've killed. Or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you failed to protect. England is about to learn the cost of betrayal, inflation-adjusted for 1945. - Welcome to the party, my dear. - Natalya. Don't ever do that again. This is not one of your games, Boris. Real people will die. You pathetic little worm. She was in the mainframe. Check the computer. She's a moron. A second-level programmer. She works on the guidance system. She doesn't even have access to the firing codes. Retro-rockets firing. - What the hell's happening ? - We will have re-entry in 12 minutes. It will burn up somewhere over the Atlantic. - Deal with it. - She changed the access codes. Then she can fix it. Go ahead. Shoot him. He means nothing to me. I can do it. I can eak her codes. Then get on with it. Tell him. Now. Give me the codes, Natalya. Give them to me. - Can Boris eak your codes ? - Possibly. Possibly ? We have to destroy the transmitter. By the way, I'm fine, thank you very much ! Do you know how to use one of these ? Yes. Good. Stay out of sight. - How long ? - Two minutes. - One minute. - Guard. - I'm fixing it. - If he moves, kill him. Yes. I am invincible. You know, James ? I was always better. Alpha One to Gunship. Alpha One to Gunship. Speak to me. For England, James ? No. For me. Yes. I am invincible. James. James. Are you all right ? Yes, I'm fine. Thank you. Suppose someone is watching ? There's no one within 25 miles, believe me. Yo, Jimbo. Is this supposed to be your idea of coming through in a clinch ? It's tobacco plants. I said I'd be here, huh ? Yo. Marines. Maybe you two'd like to finish de iefing each other at Guantanamo ? - Ready ? - I'm not going on a helicopter with you. No plane, no train, nothing that moves. Darling, what could possibly go wrong, hey ?

Forget it. It's too risky. I'm through doing that shit. You always say that. The same thing every time. l'm through, never again, too dangerous. I know that's what I always say. I'm always right too. - You forget about it in a day or two. - The days of me forgetting are over. The days of me remembering have just begun. You know, when you go on like this, what you sound like ? - I sound like a sensible fuckin' man. - You sound like a duck. - Quack, quack, quack. - Take heart, 'cause you're never gonna have to hear it again. Since I'm never gonna do it again, you're never gonna have to hear me quack. - After tonight ? - Correct. I got all tonight to quack. - Can I get anyone more coffee ? - Oh, yes ! - Thank you. - You're welcome. I mean, the way it is now, you're takin' the same risk as when you rob a bank. Takin' more of a risk. Banks are easier. Federal banks ain't supposed to stop you in any way during a robbery. They're insured. Why should they give a fuck ? I don't even need a gun in a Federal bank. Heard about this one bloke, he walks into a bank with a portable phone. He gives the phone to a teller. The bloke on the other end says, We got this guy's little girl. If you don't give him all your money, we're gonna kill her. - Did it work ? - Fuckin' right it worked. That's what I'm talkin' about. Knucklehead walks into a bank with a telephone. Not a pistol, not a shotgun, a fuckin' phone. - Cleans the place out. They don't lift a fuckin' finger. - Did they hurt the little girl ? There probably never was a little girl. The point of the story isn't a little girl. The point of the story is they robbed a bank with a telephone. - You want to rob banks ? - I'm not saying I wanna rob banks. I'm illustrating if we did, it'd be easier than what we've been doing. -No more liquor stores ? -What've we been talkin' about ? Yeah, no more liquor stores. Besides, it ain't the giggle it used to be. There's too many foreigners own liquor stores. Vietnamese, Koreans, don't even speak fuckin' English. You tell 'em empty out the register, they don't know what you're talkin' about. They make it too personal. - We keep on, one of these gook fuckers gonna make us kill him. - I'm not gonna kill anybody. I don't want to either. But they'll probably put us in a situation where it's us or them. And if it's not the gooks, it's these old fuckin' Jews who've owned the store for 15 fucking generations. You got Grandpa lrving sitting behind the counter with a fucking Magnum in his hand. Try walkin' into one of those places with nothing but a phone. See how far that gets you. Forget it. - We're out of it. - Well, what then, day jobs ? - Not in this life. - What then ? Garçon, coffee ! This place. Garçon means boy. This place ? A coffee shop ? What's wrong with that ? Nobody ever robs restaurants. Why not ? Bars, liquor stores, gas stations; you get your head blown off stickin' up one of them. Restaurants, on the other hand, you catch with their pants down. They're not expectin' to get robbed. Not as expectin' anyway. - I bet you could cut down on the hero factor in a place like this. - Correct. Same as banks, these places are insured. Manager. He don't give a fuck. They're just trying to get you out before you start pluggin' the diners. Waitresses. Fuckin' forget it. No way they're takin' a bullet for the register. Busboys. Some wetback gettin' paid $1.50 an hour... really give a fuck you're stealin' from the owner ? Customers sittin' there with food in their mouths, they don't know what's goin' on. One minute, they're havin' a Denver omelet, the next, someone is stickin' a gun in their face. See, I got the idea the last liquor store we stuck up, remember ? - All the customers kept comin' in. - Yeah. You got the idea of takin' their wallets. Now, that was a good idea. - Thank you. - Made more from the wallets than we did from the register. - Yes, we did. - A lot of people come to restaurants. - A lot of wallets. - Pretty smart, huh ? Pretty smart. I'm ready. Let's do it. Right now, right here. - Come on. - All right. Same as last time, remember ? You're crowd control. I'll handle the employees. - I love you, Pumpkin. - I love you, Honey Bunny. Everybody be cool ! This is a robbery ! Any of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every motherfuckin' last one of you. and I'll execute every motherfuckin' last one of you. Miserlou Radio Dial Tuning Jungle Boogie - Jungle boogie - Get down with the boogie - Jungle boogie - Get it on - Jungle boogie - Get down with the boogie - Jungle boogie - Get it on - Jungle boogie - Get up with the boogie - Jungle boogie - Get up with the get down - Jungle boogie - Get down and boogie - Jungle boogie - Shake it around - Okay, so tell me again about the hash bars. - Okay, what you want to know ? - Hash is legal there, right ? - It's legal, but it ain't 100 legal. You just can't walk into a restaurant, roll a joint and start puffin' away. I mean, they want you to smoke in your home or certain designated places. - Those are hash bars ? - Yeah. It eaks down like this. It's legal to buy it. It's legal to own it. And if you're the proprietor of a hash bar, it's legal to sell it. It's illegal to carry it, but-but that doesn't matter, 'cause get a load of this. If you get stopped by a cop in Amsterdam, it's illegal for them to search you. - I mean, that's a right the cops in Amsterdam don't have. - Oh, man ! I'm goin'. That's all there is to it. I'm fuckin' goin'. I know, baby. You'd dig it the most. - But you know what the funniest thing about Europe is ? - What ? It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same shit over there that they got here, - but it's just there, it's a little different. - Example. You can walk into a movie theater in Amsterdam and buy a beer. And I don't mean just like no paper cup. I'm talkin' about a glass of beer. And in Paris, you can buy a beer in McDonald's. You know what they call... a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese in Paris ? They don't call it a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese ? They got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter-Pounder is. - What do they call it ? - They call it a Royale with Cheese. - Royale with Cheese. - That's right. What do they call a Big Mac ? Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it Le Big Mac. Imitating French Accent Le Big Mac. Laughs - What do they call a Whopper ? - I don't know. I didn't go into Burger King. - You know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup ? - What ? - Mayonnaise. Chuckles - Goddamn ! - I seen 'em do it, man. They fuckin' drown 'em in that shit. - Yuck. We should have shotguns for this kind of deal. - How many up there ? - Three or four. - That's countin' our guy ? - Not sure. - So that means that it could be up to five guys up there ? - It's possible. We should have fuckin' shotguns. - What's her name ? - Mia. - Mia. How did Marsellus and her meet ? - I don't know. However people meet people. She used to be a actress. Oh, really ? She do anything I'd have seen ? - I think her biggest deal was she starred in a pilot. - Pilot ? What's a pilot ? - Well, you know the shows on TV ? - I don't watch TV. Yeah, but you are aware that there is an invention called television, - and on this invention they show shows, right ? - Yeah. The way they pick TV shows is they make one show. That show's called a pilot. Then they show that one show to the people who pick shows... and on the strength of that one show, they decide if they wanna make more shows. Some get chosen and become television programs. Some don't, become nothin'. She starred in one of the ones that became nothing. You remember Antwan Rockamora ? Half-black, half-Samoan. Used to call him Tony Rocky Horror. - Yeah, maybe. Fat, right ? - I wouldn't go so far as to call the other fat. I mean, he got a weight problem. What's a nigger gonna do ? He's Samoan. - I think I know who you mean. What about him ? - Marsellus fucked him up good. Word 'round the campfire is it was on account of Marsellus Wallace's wife. Elevator Bell Rings - So what he'd do ? Fuck her ? - No, no, no, no, no. Nothin' that bad. - Well, then what then ? - He gave her a foot massage. A foot massage ? - That's it ? - Mm-hmm. Then what'd Marsellus do ? Sent a couple cats over to his place. They took him out on his patio. Threw his ass over the balcony. Nigger fell four stories. He had a little garden down at the bottom enclosed in glass, like a greenhouse. Nigger fell through that. Since then, he kind of developed a speech impediment. - That's a damn shame. - Hmm. - But still, you play with matches, you get burned. - What do you mean ? You don't be givin' Marsellus Wallace's new ide a foot massage. You don't think he overreacted ? Antwan didn't expect Marsellus to react the way he did, but he had to expect a reaction. It was a foot massage. A foot massage is nothin'. I give my mother a foot massage. It's laying your hands in a familiar way on Marsellus's new wife. I mean, is it as bad as eatin' her pussy out ? No, but it's the same fuckin' ballpark. Whoa, stop right there. Eatin' the bitch out... and givin' the bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fucking thing. - It's not. It's the same ballpark. - Ain't no fuckin' ballpark neither. Now, look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine. But touchin' his wife's feet and sticking your tongue in the holiest of holies... ain't the same fuckin' ballpark; it ain't the same league; it ain't the same fuckin' sport. - Foot massages don't mean shit ! - Have you ever given a foot massage ? Scoffs Don't be tellin' me about foot massages. - I'm the foot fuckin' master. - You given a lot of them ? Shit, yeah ! Got my technique down and everything. I don't be ticklin' or nothin'. Would you give a guy a foot massage ? - Fuck you. - Chuckles - You give 'em a lot ? - Fuck you. - You know, I'm kind of tired. I could use a foot massage. - Yo, yo, yo, man. You best back off. I'm gettin' a little pissed here. - This is the door. - Yeah, it is. What time you got ? 7:22 in the a.m. No, it ain't quite time yet. Come on. Let's hang back. Look, just 'cause I wouldn't give no man a foot massage don't make it right... for Marsellus to throw Antwan off a building into a glass motherfuckin' house, fuckin' up the way the nigger talks; that shit ain't right. Motherfucker do that shit to me, he better paralyze my ass, 'cause I kill the motherfucker. I ain't sayin' it's right, but you sayin' a massage don't mean nothin'. I'm sayin' it does. Now, look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant somethin'. We act like they don't, but they do. That's what's so fuckin' cool about them. There's a sensuous thing goin' on... where you don't talk about it, but you know it and she knows it. Fuckin' Marsellus knew it. And Antwan should've fuckin' better known better. That's his fuckin' wife, man. This ain't a man with a sense of humor about this shit. You know what I'm sayin' ? It's an interestin' point. Come on. Let's get into character. - What's her name again ? - Mia. - Mia. - Why you so interested in big man's wife ? He's goin' out of town, Florida. And he asked me if I'd take care of her while he's gone. - Take care of her ? - No, man. Just take her out. Show her a good time. Make sure she don't get lonely. You're gonna be takin' Mia Wallace out on a date ? It is not a date. It's just like if you were gonna take your buddy's wife to a movie or somethin'. - It's just good company, that's all. - Sighs - It's not a date. It's definitely not a date. - Sighs Hey, kids. How you boys doin' ? Hey, keep chillin'. You know who we are ? We're associates of your business partner, Marsellus Wallace. You do remember your business partner, don't you ? Now, let me take a wild guess here. - You're Brett, right ? - Yeah. I thought so. You remember your business partner Marsellus Wallace, don't ya, Brett ? Yeah, I remember. Good. Looks like me and Vincent caught you boys at eakfast. Sorry about that. Whatcha havin' ? Hamburgers. Hamburgers ! The cornerstone of any nutritious eakfast. What kind of hamburgers ? - Uh, ch-cheeseburgers. - No, no, no. Where'd you get 'em ? McDonald's, Wendy's, Jack-in-the-Box ? - Where ? - Uh, Big Kahuna Burger. Big Kahuna Burger ! That's that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself. How are they ? They're-- They're good. You mind if I try one of yours ? - This is yours here, right ? - Yeah. Mmmm. This is a tasty burger ! Vincent ! You ever had a Big Kahuna burger ? Want a bite ? They're real tasty. - I ain't hungry. - Well, if you like burgers, give 'em a try sometime. Me, I can't usually get 'em 'cause my girlfriend's a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. But I do love the taste of a good burger. Mmmm. You know what they call a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese in France ? - No. - Tell 'em, Vincent. - A Royale with Cheese. - A Royale with Cheese. You know why they call it that ? Uh, because of the metric system ? Check out the big ain on Brett ! You're a smart motherfucker. That's right. The metric system. - What's in this ? - Sprite. Sprite. Good. You mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down with ? Go right ahead. Slurping, Sighs That hit the spot. You. Flock of Seagulls. You know why we're here ? - Why don't you tell my man Vince here where you got the shit hid. - It's over-- I don't remember askin' you a goddamned thing ! You were sayin' ? It's in the cupboard. N-No, the one by your kn-knees. Pans Rattling Rattling Continues Hit Man We happy ? Vincent ? - We happy ? - Yeah, we happy. Sighs Brett Look, I'm sorry, uh, l-- I didn't get your name. I got yours. Vincent. Right ? B-But I never got yours. - My name's Pitt, and your ass ain't talkin' your way outta this shit. - No, no, no. I just want you to know how-- I just want you to know how sorry we are th-that things got so fucked up... with us and Mr. Wallace. W-We got into this thing with the best intentions. Really. I never-- Oh, I'm sorry, did I eak your concentration ? - Gasping - I didn't mean to do that. Please. Continue. You were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter ? Oh, you were finished ! Oh, well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like ? What ? - What country you from ? - What ? - What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What ? - W-What ? - English, motherfucker ! Do you speak it ? - Yes ! - Then you know what I'm sayin' ! - Yes. Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like ! - What ? l-- - Say what again ! Say what again ! I dare ya ! I double dare you, motherfucker ! - Say what one more goddamn time ! - H-H-He's black. - Go on ! - He's bald ! - Does he look like a bitch ? - What ? - Gunshot - Screaming Does he look... Iike a bitch ? - No ! - Then why you tryin' to fuck him like a bitch ? - I didn't. - Yes, you did. Yes, you did, Brett ! - You tried to fuck him. - Gasping No, no. But Marsellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody except Mrs. Wallace. - You read the Bible, Brett ? - Yes ! Well, there's this passage I got memorized. Sort of fits this occasion. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man... is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish... and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his other's keeper... and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... and furious anger... those who attempt to poison and destroy My others ! And you will know My name is the Lord... when I lay My vengeance upon thee ! Screams Let's Stay Together Man I think you gonna find... when all this shit is over and done-- I think you're gonna find yourself one smilin' motherfucker. The thing is, Butch, right now... you got ability. But painful as it may be, ability... don't last. And your days are just about over. Now, that's a hard motherfuckin' fact of life. But that's a fact of life your ass is gonna have to get realistic about. You see, this business is filled to the im with unrealistic motherfuckers. Motherfuckers who thought their ass would age like wine. If you mean it turns to vinegar... it does. If you mean it gets better with age... it don't. Besides, Butch, how many fights you think you got in you anyway ? Hmm ? Two ? Boxers don't have an old-timers' day. You came close, but you never made it. And if you were gonna make it, you would have made it before now. Music Continues You my nigger ? Certainly appears so. Chuckles The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fuckin' with you. Fuck pride ! Pride only hurts. It never helps. You fight through that shit. 'Cause a year from now, when you kickin' it in the Caribbean, you gonna say to yourself, Marsellus Wallace was right. Chuckles I got no problem with that, Mr. Wallace. In the fifth, your ass goes down. Say it. In the fifth, my ass goes down. Yo, Vincent Vega. Our man in Amsterdam. Jules Winfield, our man in lnglewood. Get your asses on in here. - Goddamn, nigger, what's up with them clothes ? - You don't even want to know. Where's the big man ? The big man's right over there takin' care of some business. Why don't you hang back a second or two. You see the white boy leave, go on over. Vincent How ya been ? - I been doin' pretty good. How 'bout yourself ? - All right. So I hear you're takin' Mia out tomorrow. At Marsellus's request. - Have you met Mia ? - Not yet. - Chuckles - What's so fuckin' funny ? - Not a goddamn thing. - I got to piss. Look, I'm not a fuckin' idiot, all right ? It's the big man's wife. I'm gonna sit across from her, chew my food with my mouth closed, Iaugh at her fuckin' jokes, and that's it. Hey, my name's Paul, and this shit's between y'all. Then what'd you fuckin' ask me about it for ? Whispers Asshole. - Gimme a pack of Red Apples. - Filters ? No. - You lookin' at somethin', friend ? - You ain't my friend, palooka. -What was that ? -I think you heard me just fine, punchy. Vincent Vega's in the house ? My nigger, get your ass over here. - What's up ? - Man, I'm really sorry. You shouldn't worry about it. Pack of Red Apples. $1.40. And some matches. Thanks. Woman It's as if it turns every part of your body into the tip of a penis. - Whoa. - I'll lend it to you. It's a great book on piercing. That gun to pierce your ears, they don't use that to pierce your nipples, do they ? Forget that gun. That guns goes against the entire idea behind piercing. All my piercing, 18 places on my body, every one of 'em done with a needle. Five in each ear, one through the nipple of my left east, two in my right nostril, one in my left eye ow, one in my belly, one in my lip, one in my clit, - and I wear a stud in my tongue. - Vincent Excuse me. I was just curious, but, um... why would you wear a stud in your tongue ? Sex thing. Helps fellatio. Vincenzo. Step in my office. This is Panda from Mexico. Very good stuff. Now, that's Bava. Different, but equally good. And that is Choco from the Harz Mountains of Germany. Now, the first two are the same. 300 a gram. Those are friend prices. But this one is a little more expensive. This is 500 a gram. But, when you shoot it, you will know where that extra money went. There's nothing wrong with these two. This is real, real, real good shit. But this one is a fuckin' madman. Remember, I just got back from Amsterdam. Am I a nigger ? Are we in lnglewood ? No. You're in my home. Now, white people who know the difference... between good shit and bad shit, this is the house they come to. Now, my shit, I'll take the Pepsi Challenge with that Amsterdam shit... - any old day of the fuckin' week. - That's a bold statement. This ain't Amsterdam, Vince. This is a seller's market. Coke is fuckin' dead as... dead. Heroin, it's comin' back in a big fuckin' way. - All right. Gimme three grams of madman. - Okay. Now, if it's as good as you say it is, I'll come back and buy another thousand. I just hope that I still have some left for ya, but I'm givin' you some out of my own private stash. That is what a nice guy I am. - I'm outta balloons. Is a baggie all right ? - Yeah, that's cool. All right. I'll just get one for ya. Honey, will you get me some baggies and, uh, twistix from the kitchen ? Woman Okay. Hey, uh, what do you think about Trudi ? She ain't got a boyfriend. - You wanna hang out and get high ? - Which one's Trudi ? -The one with all the shit in her face ? -No, that's Jody. That's my wife. - Chuckles I'm sorry, man. - Thank you. - No, I can't. I gotta be someplace. - All right, no problemo. - I'll take a rain check. - Knocking - Oh. - Thank you, Jody. Still got your Malibu ? Oh, man, you know what some fucker did the other day ? - What ? - Fuckin' keyed it. - Oh, man, that's fucked up. - Tell me about it. I had it in storage for three years. It was out five days, and some dickless piece of shit fucked with it. They should be fuckin' killed, man. No trial, no jury, straight to execution. I wish I could've caught him doin' it. I'd have given anything to catch that asshole. - It'd been worth him doin' it just so I could've caught him. - What a fucker ! What's more chicken-shit than fuckin' with a man's automobile ? - Don't fuck with another man's vehicle. - You don't do it. - It's just against the rules. - Thank you. Thank you. - Mind if I shoot up here ? - Hey, mi casa es su casa. Muchas gracias. Bullwinkle Part ll Car Door Closing Mia's Voice Hi, Vincent. I'm getting dressed. The door's open. Come inside and make yourself a drink. Mia. Son Of A Preacher Man Hello ? Billy Raye was a preacher's son and when his daddy would visit he'd come along Vincent. Intercom Vincent. I'm on the intercom. Where is-- Where is the intercom ? It's on the wall by the two African fellows. To your right. Warm. Warmer. Disco. Hello ? Push the button if you want to talk. Hello ? Go make yourself a drink, and I'll be down in two shakes of a lamb's tail. The bar's by the fireplace. Okay. When he started sweet talkin' to me He come and tell me everything is all right He'd kiss me and tell me everything is all right Can I get away again tonight The only one who could ever reach me Was the son of a preacher man The only boy who could ever teach me Was the son of a preacher man Yes, he was He was - Lord he knows he was - Yes he was How will I remember The look was in his eyes Stealing kisses from me on the sly Taking time to make time Telling me that he's all mine - Learning from each other's knowin' - Sniffing Looking to see how much we've grown And the only one who could ever reach me Was the son of a preacher man The only boy who could ever teach me Was the son of a preacher man Yes, he was - Was, was - He was - Oh, yes he was - Music Stops Let's go. What the fuck is this place ? This is Jackrabbit Slim's. - An Elvis man should love it. - Sighs - Come on, Mia. Let's go get a steak. - You can get a steak here, daddy-o. Don't be a-- Oh, after you, kitty-cat. People Chattering People Cheering Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Now, how may I help you ? - There's a reservation under Wallace. - Wallace ? - Waitin' ln School - We reserved a car. Oh, a car. Why don't you seat 'em over there in the Chrysler. School get out, baby Gonna tell you some news Sure do look good in them baby doll shoes One, two, buckle the shoes Three, four, get out on the floor Five, six, come get your kicks down at the corner of Lincoln and 46th, yeah All right I've been waitin' in school all day long Waiting on the bell to ring so I can go home Throw my books on the table Pick up the telephone - Come on, baby - Man Coffee, please ? Decaf. - Marilyn Just a minute. - Heading down to the drugstore to get a soda pop Throw a nickel in the jukebox Then we start to rock School's out, baby Gonna tell you some news You sure do look good in them baby doll shoes Well, it's one, two Buckle the shoes Three, four Get out on the floor Five, six, come get your kicks down at the corner of Lincoln and 46th Chattering Gonna rock all night Just wait and see Man Ricky, Ricky, Ricky ! Ed Sullivan lmpersonator Let's hear it for Ricky Nelson ! - Fantastic job, Rick. Thank you very much. - Vincent ! Sullivan Just to let you all know, Ricky will be back in the second half of our show, so we hope you enjoy your meals here at Jackrabbit Slim's. Thank you. Call for... - Phil-lip Mor-ris. - What do you think ? I think it's like a wax museum with a pulse. Hi, I'm Buddy. What can I get you ? Lonesome Town Let's see, steak, steak, steak. Oh, yeah, I'll have the Douglas Sirk steak. - I'll have that. - How do you want that cooked ? - Burned to a crisp or bloody as hell ? - Bloody as hell, and-- Oh, yeah, look at this-- vanilla Coke. What about you, Peggy Sue ? I'll have the... Durward Kirby burger, bloody. And... a five-dollar shake. How do you want that shake, Martin and Lewis, or Amos 'n Andy ? - Martin and Lewis. - Did you just order a five-dollar shake ? Mm-hmm. That's a shake ? That's milk and ice cream ? - Last I heard. - That's five dollars ? You don't put bourbon in it or nothin' ? - No. - Just checking. I'll be right back with your drinks. Jukebox To Lonesome Town To cry my troubles away Could you, um... roll me one of those, cowboy ? You can have this one, cowgirl. - Thanks. - Ignites Lighter The streets are filled with regret Think nothin' of it. Lay me down in Lonesome Town - I can learn to forget - So... Marsellus said you just got back from Amsterdam. - Sure did. - How long were you there ? Inhales Just over three years. I go there about once a year to chill out for a month. No kiddin' ? I didn't know that. Why would you ? Ace Of Spades I heard you did a pilot. - That was my 15 minutes. - What was it ? It was a show about a team of female secret agents called Fox Force Five. - What ? - Fox Force Five. Fox, as in were a bunch of foxy chicks. Force, as in we're a force to be reckoned with. And five, as in there's one-two-three-four-five of us. There was a blond one, Sommerset O'Neal. She was the leader. The Japanese fox was a kung fu master. The black girl was a demolition expert. French fox's speciality was sex. - What was your speciality ? - Knives. The character I played, Raven McCoy, her background was she grew up raised by circus performers. According to the show, she was the deadliest woman in the world with a knife. And she knew a zillion old jokes. Her grandfather, an old vaudevillian, taught her. And if we would have got picked up, they would've worked in a gimmick... where every show I would've told another joke. You know any of them old jokes ? Well, I only got the chance to say one 'cause we only did one show. - Tell me. - It's corny. Don't be that way. Tell me. - No, you wouldn't like it, and I'd be embarrassed. - You'd be embarr-- You told 50 million people, and you can't tell me ? - I promise I won't laugh. - That's what I'm afraid of, Vince. That's not what I meant. You know it. Now I'm definitely not gonna tell you 'cause it's been built up too much. What a gyp. Sighs Martin and Lewis. Vanilla Coke. Mmm. Yummy. You think I could have a sip of that ? Be my guest. I gotta know what a five-dollar shake tastes like. - You can use my straw. I don't have cooties. - Yeah, but maybe I do. Cooties I can handle. All right. Goddamn, that's a pretty fuckin' good milkshake ! -Told ya. -I don't know if it was worth $5, but it's pretty fuckin' good. Music Continues - Don't you hate that ? - Hate what ? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable ? I don't know. That's a good question. That's when you know you found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence. Well, I don't think we're quite there yet, but don't feel bad. We just met each other. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and powder my nose. You sit here... and think of something to say. I'll do that. Okay. Wolf Whistle People Applauding Sniffing I said goddamn ! Goddamn ! Goddamn. Woman I need some hair spray. Since I First Met You Mmmm. Don't you just love it when you come back from the bathroom to find your food waiting for you ? We're lucky we got anything at all. I don't think Buddy Holly's much of a waiter. Maybe we should've sat in Marilyn Monroe's section. - Which one ? There's two Monroes. - No, there's not. That is Marilyn Monroe. That is Mamie Van Doren. I don't see Jayne Mansfield, so she must have the night off. - Pretty smart. - Yeah. I got my moments. - So did you think of somethin' to say ? - Actually, I did. However... you seem like a really nice person, and l-- - I don't want to offend you. - Oooh. This doesn't sound like the usual, mindless, boring, gettin'-to-know-you chitchat. This sounds like you actually have somethin' to say. Well, well, I do. I do. - Inhales But you have to promise not to be offended. - No, no. You can't promise somethin' like that. I have no idea what you're gonna ask me. You can ask me what you're gonna ask me, and my natural response could be to get offended. Then, through no fault of my own, I would have oken my promise. - Let's just forget it. - That's an impossibility. Trying to forget anything as intriguing as this would be an exercise in futility. - Is that a fact ? - And besides, - isn't it more, uh, exciting when you don't have permission ? - All right, all right. Well, here goes. What did you think about what happened to Antwan ? - Who's Antwan ? - Tony Rocky Horror. You know him. - He fell out of a window. - Hmm. Hmm. Well, that is one way to say it. Another way to say it would be that he was thrown out. Another way would be he was thrown out by Marsellus. Yet even another way is to say he was thrown out of a window by Marsellus because of you. - Is that a fact ? - No. No, it's not a fact. It's just what I heard. That's just what I heard. - Who told you ? - They. They talk a lot, don't they ? Chuckles They certainly do. They certainly do. - Don't be shy, Vincent. What else did they say ? - I'm-- I'm not shy. - Um-- - Did it involve the F word ? No, no, no, no, no. They just said that Antwan had given you a foot massage. - And ? - And-- And nothin'. That's it. You heard Marsellus... threw Tony Rocky Horror out of a fourth-story window for giving me a foot massage ? - Mm-hmm. - And you believe that ? Chuckles Well, at the time I was told it sounded reasonable. Marsellus throwing Tony out of a fourth-story window... for massaging my feet seemed reasonable ? No, it seemed excessive, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I understand that Marsellus is very protective of you. A husband being protective of his wife is one thing. A husband almost killing another man for touching his wife's feet is something else. But did it happen ? Only thing Antwan ever touched of mine was my hand when he shook it... at my wedding. Really ? Truth is, nobody knows why Marsellus threw Tony out that window... except Marsellus and Tony. When you little scamps get together, you're worse than a sewing circle. Ladies and gentlemen. Now the moment you've all been waiting for. The world-famous Jackrabbit Slim's twist contest. Applause Now, this is where one lucky couple... will win this handsome trophy that Marilyn here is holding. Now, who will be our first contestants ? - Right here ! - Man All right ! - I wanna dance. - No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. I do believe Marsellus, my husband, your boss, told you to take me out and do whatever I wanted. Now I wanna dance; I wanna win; I want that trophy. - So dance good. - All right. You asked for it. - So dance good. - All right. You asked for it. Let's hear it for our first contestants. Now let's meet our first contestants here this evening. Young lady, what is your name ? Mrs. Mia Wallace. And how 'bout your fella here ? Vincent Vega. All right, let's see what you can do. Take it away ! - Woman Go for it. - Man Come on ! You Never Can Tell It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell C'est la vie say the old folks It goes to show you never can tell They furnished off an apartment with a two-room Roebucks sale The 'coolerador was crammed with TV dinners and ginger ale But when Pierre found work the little money comin' worked out well C'est la vie say the old folks It goes to show you never can tell They had a hi-fi phono and boy did they let it blast Seven hundred little records all rock, rhythm and jazz But when the sun went down the rapid tempo of the music fell C'est la vie say the old folks It goes to show you never can tell They had a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle Sighs Alarm Faintly Beeping Beeping Stops Both Laughing Is that what you call an uncomfortable silence ? I don't know what you call that. - Chuckles - Drinks ! Music ! I'm gonna take a piss. That's a little bit more information than I needed, but go right ahead. Girl Bomp, bomp, bom You'll be a woman soon I love you so much Can't count all the ways I'd die for you, girl and all they can say is Singing With Tape He's not your kind You never get tired of putting me down and I never know when I come around What I'm gonna find Don't let them make up your mind Don't you know, girl You'll be a woman soon One drink, and that's it. Don't be rude. Drink your drink, but do it quickly. Say good night... and go home. You'll be a woman soon Soon You'll be a woman I've been misunderstood for all of my life But what they're sayin', girl it cuts like a knife The boy's no good Well, I've finally have found what I been lookin' for But if they get a chance they'll end it for sure Sure they would Baby, I've done all I could Sighs You see, this is a moral test of oneself. Whether or not you can maintain loyalty. Because... being loyal is very important. You never get tired of putting me down and I never know when I come around What I'm gonna find Don't let them make up your mind Don't you know, girl You'll be a woman soon Please Come take my hand Girl You'll be a woman soon Please Come take my hand - Hello. - Girl So, you're gonna go out there and you're gonna say, Good night. I've had a very lovely evening. Walk out the door, get in the car, go home, jerk off, and that's all you gonna do. Now it's up to you, girl You'll be a woman soon - Please - Sniffing Come take my hand - Girl - Moans - You'll be a woman soon - Breathing Heavily Soon You'll be a woman Bathroom Door Opens All right, Mia. So listen, I gotta go, all right ? Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. You fu-- Oh, Jesus Christ ! Oh, fuck me. Fuck me ! Oh-- Come on, girl. We're gettin' outta here. We gotta walk now. Tires Screeching Don't fuckin' die on me, Mia ! Fuck ! Dialing Answer. - Telephone Ringing - Man On Television Have you got the ring ? - Why, certainly. - Join hands, you two lovebirds. - Ringing Continues - Woman Please ! Please ! Yes, yes. Hold hands, you lovebirds. - Ringing Continues - People On Television Yelling, Shouting Ringing Fuck you, Lance ! Answer ! - Ringing Continues - Yelling, Shouting Continue Woman Now what do you say ? Man I give up ! I'll marry you ! - Ringing Continues - Jody Lance ! The goddamn phone's ringing ! I can hear it. I thought you told those fuckin' assholes never to call here this late ! Yeah, I told them. And that is exactly what I'm going to tell this fucking asshole right now. - Woman On Television Don't you dare strike me ! - Hello. Lance ! Vincent. I'm in big fuckin' trouble, man. I'm coming to your house. W-Whoa. Whoa. Hold your horses, man. W-What's the problem ? - I got this chick, she's fuckin' O.D.in' on me ! - Well, don't ing her here ! I'm not even joking with you ! Do not be inging some fucked-up pooh-bah to my house ! - No choice. - Wh-- She's O.D.in' ? - She's fuckin' dyin' on me, man ! - Man On TV Just dandy. Okay, then you bite the fuckin' bullet, take her to a hospital and call a lawyer. - Negative ! - This is not my fuckin' problem, man ! You fucked her up, you fuckin' deal with this ! Uh, are you talkin' to me on a cellular phone ? I don't know you. Who is this ? Don't come here ! I'm hanging up the phone ! Prank caller ! Prank caller ! Tires Screeching, Engine Racing - Loud Crash - Jody What the hell was that ? Have you lost your fucking mind ? - You were talking about drug shit on a cellular phone ! - Lance, help me. - You crashed your car into my fucking house ! - Grab her feet. Are you deaf ? You are not inging this fucked-up bitch into my house ! This fucked-up bitch is Marsellus Wallace's wife. - Do you know who Marsellus Wallace is ? - Yeah. If she croaks on me, I am a fucking grease spot ! I will be forced to tell him that you did not help and let her die on your lawn. Now, come on. Help me, help me. Pick her up. - Shit. - Grunts Lance ! Shit. It's 1:30 in the goddamn morning. What the fuck's going on out here ? Who's she ? Go to the fridge and get the thing with the adrenalin shot. - What's wrong with her ? - She's O.D.ing ! - Get her outta here ! - Together Get the shot ! - Fuck you ! Fuck you too ! - What a fuckin' bitch. Just keep talking to her, all right ? She's gettin' the shot. I'm going to go get my little black medical book. What the fuck you need a medical book for ? I've never had to give an adrenalin shot before ! I don't go joy-poppin' with bubble-gummers ! My friends can handle their highs ! - Get the shot ! - I am, if you'll let me ! - I ain't stopping you ! - Stop talking to me. Start talking to her ! - Get the shot ! - All right ! - Vincent Hurry up. We're losing her ! - I'm looking as fast as I can ! Jody What's he looking for ? - Vincent I don't know. Some book. - What are you looking for ? - A little black medical book. - What are you looking for ? My little black medical book ! It's like a textbook they give to nurses. - I never saw no medical book. - Trust me. I have one. - If it's so important, why don't you keep it with the shot ? - I don't know ! - Stop bothering me ! - While you're looking, that girl's gonna die on our carpet. You're never gonna find anything in this mess ! - I'm gonna fucking kill you if you don't shut up ! - Lance, get in here ! - Right ? Pig. - Get the fuck outta my way. - Quit fuckin' around and give her the shot. - While I'm doing this, you take off her shirt and find her heart. - Does it gotta be exact ? - We're giving her a shot in the heart, so it's gotta be exact. I don't know exactly where her heart is. I think it's right here. - That's it. - All right, what I need is a big, fat magic marker. - You got it ? - What ? A magic marker. A felt pen ! A fuckin' black magic marker ! Christ. - Come on, man. Hurry up ! - Fuck ! Okay, okay. Okay. I think it's ready. - Hurry up, man. - I'll tell you what to do. - You're gonna give her the shot. - No, you're gonna give her the shot. - I ain't giving her the shot. I never done this before. - I never done this either ! I ain't starting now ! You ought her here. You give her the shot. The day I ing an O.D.ing bitch to your house, then I give her the shot. Give it to me. Give me that. All right, tell me what to do. Okay, you're giving her an injection of adrenalin straight to her heart. - But she's got a eastplate-- You gotta pierce through that. - Thumping You gotta ing the needle down in a stabbing motion. - I gotta-- I gotta stab her three times ? - No, just stab her once ! But it's gotta be hard enough to get through her eastplate into her heart. Once you do that, you p-press down on the p-plunger. - Okay. Then what happens ? - Kinda curious about that myself. This ain't no fuckin' joke ! Am I gonna kill her ? - She's supposed to come out of it like that. It's-- - All right, count to three. - All right. Ready ? - One. Vincent Panting Two. Three ! - Loud Thump - Gasps, Screams Gasping Continues Coughs, Gasps If you're all right, then say something. Something. Chuckles That was fuckin' trippy. Chuckles - Ohh. - Oh, man. Car Pulls Up Door Opens, Closes - Engine Stops - Door Opens, Closes Mia. Mia. What's-- What's your thoughts on-- on-- on how to handle this ? What's yours ? Well, I'm of the opinion that if Marsellus lived his whole life, he doesn't need to know nothing about this incident. If Marsellus knew about this incident, I'd be in as much trouble as you. I seriously doubt that. I can keep a secret if you can. Shake on it ? Mum's the word ? Cool. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home and have a heart attack. Vincent. Do you wanna hear my Fox Force Five joke ? Sure. Except I think I'm still a little too petrified to laugh. No, you won't laugh 'cause it's not funny. But if you still wanna hear it, I'll tell it. - I can't wait. - Okay. Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street. Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry. Goes back and squishes him and says, Ketchup. Weak Chuckle Ketchup. See you around. Dog Barking Oh, that Paddlefoot. He funny, silly dog. He think totem pole alive ! Giggling He arctic tenderfoot ! Laughing That totem pole been here forever ! - Woman Butch ? - Paddlefoot Barking Man On Television One more thing, and we'll start for-- - Butch, stop watching TV for a second. - Yeah ? - You've got a special visitor. - TV Stand up. Stand up. Now, do you remember when I told you your daddy died in a P.O.W. camp ? Well, this here is Captain Koons. He was in the P.O.W. camp with Daddy. Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad's. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell together... over five years. Hopefully... you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your dad were... for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it'd been me who'd-- not made it, Major Coolidge'd be talking right now to my son Jim. But the way it turned out, I'm talking to you. Butch... I got something for ya. This watch I got here... was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make wristwatches. Up 'til then, people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by Private Doughboy Erine Coolidge... on the day he set sail for Paris. This was your great-grandfather's war watch, and he wore it every day he was in that war, and... when he'd done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it in an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed... until your granddad, Dane Coolidge, was called upon by his country... to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War ll. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine, and he was killed... along with all the other Marines at the battle of Wake lsland. Your granddad was facing death. He knew it. None of those boys ever had any illusions about leaving that island alive, so three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport, name of Winocki-- a man he'd never met before in his life-- to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead, but Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father his dad's gold watch. This watch. This watch was on your daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch, it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slope's gonna put their greasy, yellow hands on his boy's birthright, so he hid it in one place he knew he could hide something-- his ass. Five long years he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery-- He give me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then... after seven years, I was sent home to my family and... now... Iittle man, I give the watch to you. - Bell Rings - Gasps Crowd Cheering Grunting Cheering Continues It's time, Butch. Exhaling Ring Announcer ln the heavyweight division, - in the right corner wearing the blue trunks, - Grunts weighing 210 pounds, Floyd Ray Wilson ! - Crowd Cheering, Yelling - Bell Rings Announcer It's official. It's official. - Wilson is dead ! - Announcer 2 Well, Dan, that had to be the bloodiest, hands down, the most utal fight this city's ever seen. Coolidge was out of there faster than I've ever seen a victorious boxer leave the ring. - Do you think he knew Wilson was dead ? - My guess would be yes. I could see the frenzy in his eyes give way to the realization of what he was doing. - I think any man would've left the ring that fast. - Do you feel this tragedy... is gonna affect the world of boxing ? A tragedy like this can't help but shake the world of boxing to its very foundations. It's of paramount importance, during the sad weeks ahead, the eyes of the W.B.A. remain-- Crowd Cheering, Yelling Continues - Engine Starts - Tires Screeching Horn Honking Man Man, you know I didn't-- - Marsellus. - No, it wasn't. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. - How you doing ? - Great. I never thanked you for dinner. - What you got ? - He booked. - His trainer ? - Says he don't know nothin'. I believe him. - I think Butch surprised his ass same as us. - No, we don't wanna think. We wanna know. Take him to the kennel, sic the dogs on his ass. We'll find out for goddamn sure what he knows and what he don't. Butch's search-- How do you want it done ? I'm prepared to scour the Earth for that motherfucker. If Butch goes to lndochina, I want a nigger hiding in a bowl of rice... ready to pop a cap in his ass. I will take care of it. Mister. - Hey, mister. - What ? You were in that fight, the fight on the radio. - You're the fighter ? - Whatever gave you that idea ? No, come on. You're him. I know you're him. Tell me you're him. I'm him. You killed the other boxing man. He's dead ? The radio said he was dead. Sorry about that, Floyd. What does it feel like ? What does what feel like ? Killing a man. Beating another man to death with your bare hands. What are you, a weirdo ? No. It is a subject I have much interest in. You are the first person I have ever met who has killed somebody. So ? - What does it feel like to kill a man ? - Sniffs I'll tell you what. Give me one of them cigarettes you got up there, and I'll tell you all about it. So, Esmarelda... Villa Lobos-- Is that Mexican ? The name is Spanish, but I am Colombian. - That's some handle you got there, honey. - Thank you. And what is your name ? Butch. Butch. - What does it mean ? - I'm an American, honey. Our names don't mean shit. So, moving right along, Esmarelda, what is it you want to know ? - I want to know what it feels like to kill a man. - I couldn't tell ya. Didn't know he was dead 'til you told me he was dead. Now that I know he's dead, you wanna know how I feel about it ? I don't feel the least bit bad about it. What the fuck'd I tell ya ? Huh ? As soon as the word got out the fix was in, man, the odds went through the roof. I know. I know. Unbelievable. Hey, fuck him, Scotty. If he was a better boxer, he'd still be alive. If he never laced up his gloves, which he never shoulda done in the first fuckin' place, he'd still be alive. Hawks, Spits Yeah, well, who gives a fuck ? It's over now. Yeah, well, enough about the poor, unfortunate Mr. Floyd. Let's talk about the rich and prosperous Mr. Butch. How many bookies did you lay it around on ? All eight ? How long to collect ? So you'll have it all by tomorrow night ? No, I understand. A few stragglers aside. Oh, fuck, Scotty, that is good news. That is great news, man. Yeah. Mm-hmm. No, me and Fabienne are gonna leave in the morning. It'll probably take us a couple days to get down to Knoxville. Okay, my other. Laughing You're right. You're goddamn right. All right, Scotty, next time I see you, it'll be on Tennessee time. Cool, other. $45.60. And, uh, here's a little something for the effort. Now, if anybody asks you who your fare was tonight, what are you gonna say ? The truth. Three well-dressed, slightly toasted Mexicans. Bonsoir, Esmarelda Villa Lobos. Buenas Noches, Butch. Whew. Keep the light off. - Is that better, Sugar Pop ? - Oui. - Siren Wailing ln Distance - Dog Barking Hard day at the office ? Pretty hard. Got in a fight. Poor baby. Can you make spoons ? You know what ? I was thinkin' about takin' a shower. - I'm stinkin' like a dog over here. - I like the way you stink. Let me take this jacket off. - I was looking at myself in the mirror. - Uh-huh. I wish I had a pot. You were looking at yourself in the mirror, and you wish you had some pot ? A pot. Giggles A pot belly. Pot bellies are sexy. Well, you should be happy, Grunts 'cause you have one. Shut up, fatso. I don't have a pot. I have a bit of a tummy, like Madonna when she did Lucky Star. It's not the same thing. I didn't know there was such a difference between a pot belly and a tummy. The difference is huge. Kissing Would you like it if I had a pot belly ? No. Pot bellies make a man look either oafish or like a gorilla. But on a woman a pot belly's very sexy. The rest of you is normal-- normal face, normal legs, normal hips, normal ass-- but with a big, perfectly round pot belly. If I had one, I'd wear a T-shirt two sizes too small... to accentuate it. You think men would find that attractive ? I don't give a damn what men find attractive. It's unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye... is seldom the same. Sighs If you had a pot belly, I would punch you in it. - You'd punch me in the belly ? - Right in the belly. Ohh ! I'd smother you ! - I'd drop it right on your face 'til you couldn't eathe ! - Laughing - You'd do that ? - Yeah. - Promise ? - Yeah. Moaning Softly - Mmm. - Mmm. Moaning, Laughing Oh. Inhaling Grunting Did you get everything ? - Yes, I did. - Good job, Sugar Pop. Did everything go as planned ? - You didn't listen to the-- Ow ! - Giggles You didn't listen to the radio ? I never listen to your fights. Were you the winner ? I won, all right. - Are you still retiring ? - Sure am. So it all worked out in the finish. We're not at the finish yet, baby. Moaning We're in a lot of danger, aren't we ? If they find us, they'll kill us, won't they ? But they won't find us, will they ? Do you still want me to go with you ? I don't want to be a burden or a nuisance. It's-- Moans Say it. - Moans - Fabienne, I want you to be with me. - Forever ? - Forever and ever. Do you love me ? Very, very much. Moaning - Butch. - Yes ? Will you give me oral pleasure ? Will you kiss it ? But you first. - Okay. - Okay. Moans Butch. Mon amour. L'aventure commence. Moaning Continues - Shower Water Running - Butch Grunting Butch I think I cracked a rib. - Giving me oral pleasure ? - No, retard, from the fight. - Don't call me retard. - Slurred Voice My name is Fabby. - My name is Fabienne ! - Stop it. - Stop it ! - My name is Fabi-- Shut up, fuckhead ! I hate that mongoloid voice. Okay, okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry. - Water Stops - Butch I take it back. Will you hand me a dry towel, Miss Beautiful Tulip ? - Oh, I like that. I like being called a tulip. - Coughs Tulip is much better than mongoloid. I didn't call you a mongoloid. I called you a retard. And I took it back. - Grunts - Butch ? Yes, Lemon Pie ? - Where are we going to go ? - Well, I'm not sure yet. Wherever you want. We're gonna get a lot of money from this, but it ain't gonna be the kind of money... that we can live like hogs in the fathouse forever. I was thinking maybe we could go down someplace in the South Pacific. Kind of money we're gonna have's gonna carry us a long way down there. - If we wanted, we could live in Bora Bora ? - You betcha. And if after a while you didn't dig that, we could go someplace else. Maybe Tahiti, Mexico. But I do not speak Spanish. Well, you do not speak Bora-Boran either. Besides, Mexican's easy. - ż Donde esta el zapateria ? - What does that mean ? Where is the shoe store? - ż Donde esta-- - Spit, please. Spits - ż Donde esta el zapateria ? - Excellent pronunciation. - Mmm. - Giggles You'll be my little mamacita in no time. - Yawning ż Que hora es ? - ż Que hora es ? - What time is it ? - What time is it ? Time for bed. Sweet dreams, jellybean. Spits Butch ? Never mind. Brushing Motorbike Engines Racing, Explosions On TV ! Panting Merde ! You startled me. Did you have a bad dream ? - Yawns - Motorcycle Engines, Explosions Continue Panting Continues - What is this you're watching ? - A motorcycle movie. I'm not sure the name. - Are you watching it ? - In a way. It's a little early in the morning for explosions and war. - What was it about ? - How should I know ? You were the one watching it. - No, imbecile, what was your dream about ? - I don't know. I don't remember. It's really rare that I remember my dreams. Well, let's look at the grumpy man in the morning. Both Moaning Fabienne Why don't you get up and we'll get some eakfast. One more kiss, and I'll get up. Moans - Satisfied ? - Exhaling Yep. - Grunts Get up, lazy bones ! - Ohh ! - Ohh. God. - Giggles - What time is it ? - Almost nine in the morning. - What time does our train arrive ? - Eleven. - You know what I'm gonna have for eakfast ? - What, Lemon Pie ? I'm gonna order a big plate of blueberry pancakes... with maple syrup, eggs over easy and five sausages. Anything to drink with that ? Wow, that looks nice. Giggles To drink-- A tall glass of orange juice... and a black cup of coffee. - After that, I'm going to have a slice of pie. - Pie for eakfast ? - Laughing - Any time of the day is a good time for pie. Blueberry pie to go with the pancakes. And on top, a thin slice of melted cheese. Where's my watch ? It's there. - No, it's not. - Have you looked ? Yes, I've fuckin' looked. What the fuck do you think I'm doin' ? You sure you got it ? Yes. Bedside table drawer. - On the little kangaroo ? - Yes, it was on the little kangaroo. Yeah, well, it's not here now. - Rummaging - Well, it should be. Yes, it most definitely should be, but it's not here now ! So where the fuck is it ? Fabienne, where's my father's fucking watch ? Do you have any idea what he had to go through to get me that watch ? I don't have time to go into it, but he went through a lot. All this other shit you could've set on fire, but I specifically reminded you not to forget the fucking watch. Now think. - Did you get it ? - I believe so. You believe so ? What the fuck does that mean ? You either did or didn't get it. Then I did. Are you sure ? No. Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck ! Motherfucker ! Motherfuckin'-- - Screaming - Crash Do you know how fucking stupid you fucking are ? No ! Grunts It's not your fault. You left it at the apartment. If you left it at the apartment, it's not your fault. I had you ing a bunch of stuff. Exhaling I reminded you about it, but I didn't illustrate how personal the watch was to me. If all I gave a fuck about was the watch, I shoulda told you that. You're not a mind reader. Are you ? Sniffling I-- I'm sorry. Don't be. Just means I can't have eakfast with you. Why does it mean that ? Because I gotta go back to my apartment and get my watch. Won't the gangsters be looking for you there ? Well, that's what I'm gonna find out. If they are, and I don't think I can handle it, then I'll split. I saw your watch. I thought I ought it. I'm so sorry. Here's some money. Go out and get those pancakes. Have a nice eakfast. I'll take your Honda. I'll be back before you can say blueberry pie. Blueberry pie. Maybe not that fast. - But pretty fast. Okay ? - Okay. - Bye. - Bye. Shit ! Of all the fuckin' things she could fuckin' forget, she forgets my father's watch ! I specifically reminded her-- bedside table, on the kangaroo. I said the words: Don't forget my father's watch. Tires Screeching Engine Stops Radio Announcer Visit the Jackrabbit Slim's nearest you... Car Horn Playing La Cucaracha Radio Announcer i EI burro ! Ice Cream Truck Bells Children Playing, Crying Woman, Children Talking - Girl Talking - Dog Barking Woman Continues Talking Lookin' good, Butch. Toilet Flushes Crash, Glass Shattering Smoke Alarm Beeping Beeping Continues Beeping Continues, Faint Baby Talking - Engine Starts - Flowers On The Wall lf I were walkin' in your shoes Countin' flowers on the wall That don't bother me at all Playin' solitaire 'til dawn with a deck of fifty-one That's how you're gonna beat 'em, Butch. - Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo - They keep underestimatin' ya. Now don't tell me Singing Along Countin' flowers on the wall That don't bother me at all Playin' solitaire 'til dawn with a deck of fifty-one Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do It's good to see you I must go I know I look a fright - Anyway my eyes - Motherfucker. - Are not accustomed-- - Uhh ! Tires Screeching - Woman Do you think he's dead ? - He's dead. - Oh, my God. - He's dead. If you need someone to go to court, I'll be glad to help. That guy was a drunken maniac. He hit you, then he crashed into that car. - Who ? - Him. I'll be damned. Women Screaming Grunting, Panting - Gunshot - Ohh ! Woman Screaming - Aaaah ! I'm shot ! - Grunting Screaming Continues Grunting, Groaning - Grunts - Gunshot - Man Sally ! Sally ! - Grunting Continues Panting - Gunshot - Aaah ! Whistling Marsellus, Muffled Motherfucker ! - Door Bells Jingling - Panting - Can I help you with somethin' ? - Shut the fuck up. Now you just wait a goddamn minute, now ! What the fuck you up to ? - Come here, motherfucker ! - Both Grunting, Groaning - Marsellus Groaning - You feel that sting, huh, big boy ? That's pride fuckin' with you, see ? You gotta fight through that shit ! Grunting Huh ? - You'd better kill me-- - Yeah, somebody's gonna get killed. Somebody's gonna get their motherfuckin' head blown to-- - Shotgun Cocks - Hold it right there, goddamn it. - This ain't none of your business, mister. - I'm makin' it my business. - Toss the weapon. - You don't understand, man. Toss the weapon. Panting Woman On Radio It's time - To find love - Take your foot off the nigger, - Music Continues - put your hand behind your head, approach the counter right now. - This motherfucker's trying to... - Groans kill me. Shut up. Keep comin'. Come on. lf love ls shelter Whistling Zed. Maynard. Yeah, the spider just caught a couple flies. Whoa, my angel Receiver Hangs Up Down to you Down to you Both Grunting, Groaning Coughing Gagging Nobody kills anybody in my place of business... - except me or Zed. - Doorbell Chimes That's Zed. Door Bells Jingling - Zed I thought you said you waited for me. - Maynard I did. Footsteps Descending Stairs Zed Then how come they're all beat up ? They did that to each other, man. They came in fightin'. Now, this 'un right here, he was gonna shoot that one. Is that right ? You gonna shoot him, boy ? Huh ? Hey, is Grace all right out front ? - Yeah. It ain't Tuesday, is it ? - No, it's Thursday. - She oughta be fine. - Mmm. Sighs Well, ing out the Gimp. I think the Gimp's sleepin'. Then I guess you'll just have to go wake him up now, won't you ? Get up. Get down. Tapping Fingers Which one of 'em you wanna do first ? - Tapping Fingers - Zed I ain't for sure yet. Whispering Eenie-meenie-minie-mo, catch a nigger... by his toe. If he hollers, let him go. Eenie-meenie-minie-mo. My mother said... pick the perfect one, and... you... are... it. - Zed Guess that means you, big boy. - Muffled Fuck you ! - Muffled Mumbling - Shh. - You wanna do it in here ? - No, let's take him back to Russell's old room. Sounds good to me. Muffled Yelling Grunting You keep an eye on this 'un. Sniffs Comanche by The Revels Zed, Maynard Talking, Yelling - Grunting - Talking, Yelling Continue Loud, Rhythmic Grunting - Giggling - Grunting Continues Yeah ! Grunting, Straining Zed Shouting Now ! Go ! Come on, motherfucker ! - Now, motherfucker ! Aaah ! Grunting - Giggling Continues - Slapping - Zed Shouting Come on ! Yeah ! - Music Continues - Muffled Yelling - Grunting Continues - Zed Yeah ! Slapping, Grunting Continue - Ohh ! - Yeah ! - Music Continues, Faint - Zed, Faint Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeee ! Yeeee-hah ! Yelling Continues Door Bells Jingling Loud Grunt, Yelling Grunting, Yelling Continue Zed Yeah ! Yelling Continues Loud, Rhythmic Grunting Continues Come on ! Get down there ! Aaah ! Do it ! Yeah ! Music Continues, Louder Zed Shouting Yeah ! Yeah ! Yelling Continues Marsellus Screaming, Muffled - Maynard Shut the fuck up ! - Screaming Continues Maynard Fuck him ! Zed Come on ! - Marsellus Groaning, Muffled - Fuck him. Yeah. Continues Yelling, Stops Aaaaah ! Groaning - Aaaaah ! - Music Stops Groans - Groans - Thud You want that gun, don't ya, Zed ? Huh ? Go ahead and pick it up. Go ahead. Pick it up. Breathing Heavily Come on-- Thatta boy ! I want you to pick it up, Zed. Shotgun Cocking - Breathing Slowly - Step aside, Butch. Zed Wheezing Fuck ! Groaning - You okay ? - Groaning Continues No, man. I'm pretty fuckin' far from okay. Zed Screams Loud, High-Pitched Scream - Groaning Continues - What now ? What now ? - Let me tell you what now. - Groaning, Coughing I'm gonna call a couple of hard, pipe-hittin' niggers... to go to work on the homes here... with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy ? I ain't through with you by a damn sight ! I'm gonna get medieval on your ass. I meant what now between me and you. Oh, that what now. - I tell you what now between me and you. - Wheezing There is no me and you. Not no more. Groaning, Coughing So, are we cool ? Yeah, we cool. - Loud Groan - Two things. Don't tell nobody about this. This shit is between me, you... and Mr. Soon-To-Be-Livin' The-Rest-Of-His-Short-Ass- Life-ln-Agonizing-Pain... rapist here. It ain't nobody else's business. You leave town tonight. Right now. And when you gone, you stay gone, - or you be gone. - Loud Groan, Coughing You lost all your L.A. privileges. Deal ? Deal. Get your ass outta here. Zed Wheezing Groaning Groaning Continues Oh, shit. Door Bells Jingling Engine Starts Engine Stops Fabienne ! Groans Fabienne ! Groaning Continues Fabienne ! Come on, baby. - Come on. Get your shit. We gotta go right now. - I was so worried. - What about our bags ? - Fuck the bags; if we don't split right now, we'll miss the train. - I'll be downstairs. - Is everything well ? - Just come on ! No talking now ! - Are we in danger ? Groaning Continues Come on, honey ! Where did you get this motorcycle ? - It's not a motorcycle, baby. It's a chopper. Let's go. - What happened to my Honda ? I'm sorry, baby, I had to crash that Honda. Will you come on now, please ? Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go. - You're hurt ? - No, no, I might've oken my nose. It's no biggie. Come on. Hop on. Baby, please, we-- Honey, we gotta hit the fuckin' road ! Get on ! - Oh, baby, I'm sorry. Come here, come here. - Weeping Quietly I'm sorry. Mmm. - I'm so sorry. - You were gone so long, I started to think dreadful thoughts. I didn't mean to worry you. Everything's fine. - How was your eakfast ? - It was good. Did you get the blueberry pancakes ? They didn't have blueberry; I had to get buttermilk. Are you sure you're okay ? Since I left you, this has been, without a doubt, the single weirdest fuckin' day of my life-- I'll tell you all about it. Gotta go. Come on. Butch, whose motorcycle is this ? - It's a chopper, baby. - Whose chopper is this ? - Zed's. - Who's Zed ? Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead. Engine Starts Jules Yes, you did, Brett ! You tried to fuck him, and Marsellus Wallace don't liked to be fucked... by anybody except Mrs. Wallace. - Oh, God, please. I don't wanna die. - You read the Bible, Brett ? - Whimpering Yes ! - Well, there's this passage I got memorized. Sorta fits the occasion. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides... by the inequities of the selfish... - and the tyranny of evil men. - Whimpering Continues Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his other's keeper... and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... and furious anger... those who attempt to poison and destroy My others. And you will know My name is the Lord... when I lay My vengeance upon thee. - Groans Loudly - Gunshots Screams I'm fucked. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. - Vincent ls he a friend of yours ? - Oh, goddamn. Goddamn. Jules Hmm ? Oh. Vincent, Marvin. Marvin, Vincent. - Better tell him to shut up. He's gettin' on my nerves. - Fuck. Muttering Marvin. Marvin ! I'd knock that shit off if I was you. - Door Slams - Die, you motherfuckers ! Die ! Hammer Clicking Why the fuck didn't you tell us somebody was in the bathroom ? Slip your mind ? Did you forget that someone was in there... with a goddamn hand cannon ? You see the size of that gun he fired at us ? It was bigger than him. We should be fuckin' dead, man. I know. We was lucky. No, no, no, no. That shit wasn't luck. - Yeah, maybe. - This was divine intervention. You know what divine intervention is ? I think so. That means that God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets. That's right. That's exactly what it means. God came down from Heaven and stopped these motherfuckin' bullets. I think it's time for us to leave, Jules. Don't do that. Don't fuckin' blow this shit off ! - What just happened here was a fuckin' miracle ! - Chill. This shit happens. Wrong ! Wrong. This shit doesn't just happen. Do you want to continue this theological discussion in a car... or in a jailhouse with the cops ? We should be fuckin' dead, my friend ! What happened here was a miracle, and I want you to fucking acknowledge it ! All right, it was a miracle. Can we go now ? Let's go, nigger ! Come on ! Shit. Vincent You ever seen that show Cops ? I was watching it one time, and there was this cop on, and he was talkin' about this gunfight he had in the hallway with this guy, right ? He just unloaded on this guy and nothin' happened. He didn't hit nothin'. Okay ? It was just him and this guy. I mean, you know, it's, it's freaky, but it happens. You wanna play blind man, go walk with the shepherd, but me, my eyes are wide fuckin' open. - What the fuck does that mean ? - It means that's it for me. From here on in, you can consider my ass retired. - Jesus Christ. Goddamn it. - Don't blaspheme. - I said, don't do that ! - Hey, why are you fuckin' freakin' out on us ? Look, I'm tellin' Marsellus today-- I'm through. - Why don't you tell him at the same time why ? - Don't worry, I will. - And I bet you $10,000 he laughs his ass off. - I don't give a damn if he does. Sighs Marvin, what do you make of all this ? Man, I don't even have an opinion. You gotta have an opinion. You think God came down from Heaven and stopped-- - Gunshot - What the fuck's happenin' ? - Aw, shit, man ! - Aw, man ! - Oh, man, I shot Marvin in the face. - Why the fuck'd you do that ? I didn't mean it. It was an accident. - Man, I seen some crazy-ass shit in my time, but this-- - Chill out, man ! It was an accident. We probably went over a bump or somethin'. The car ain't hit no motherfuckin' bump. I didn't mean to shoot the son of a bitch. The gun went off. Look at this fuckin' mess ! We're on a city street in oad daylight here ! - I don't believe it ! - Well, believe it now, motherfucker ! We gotta get this car off the road. Cops notice shit like a car drenched in blood. - Just take it to a friendly place, that's all ! - This is the Valley, Vincent. Marsellus ain't got no friendly places in the Valley. - Well, Jules, this ain't my fuckin' town, man ! - Shit ! - What you doing ? - I'm calling my partner in Toluca Lake. -Where's Toluca Lake ? -Over the hill here, by Burbank Studios. If Jimmie's ass ain't home, I don't know what the fuck we gonna do, 'cause I ain't got no other partners in 818. Jimmie, how you doin', man ? It's Jules. Just listen up, man. Me and my homeboy are in a car, and we gotta get it off the road, pronto. I need to use your garage for a couple hours. We gotta be real fuckin' delicate with this Jimmie situation. He's one remark away from kickin' our asses out the door. - If he does, what do we do ? - We ain't leavin' 'til we make a couple calls, but I don't want it to reach that pitch-- Jimmie's a friend. You don't come into your friend's house and start tellin' him what's what. Just tell him not to be abusive. He kinda freaked out back there when he saw Marvin. Put yourself in his position-- It's 8:00 in the morning, he just woke up. He wasn't expectin' this shit. We gotta remember here who's doin' who a favor. If that favor means I gotta take shit, he can stick that favor straight up his ass. - Fuck, nigger, what the fuck'd you just do to his towel, man ? - I was dryin' my hands ! - You're supposed to wash 'em first ! - You watched me wash 'em. - I watched you get 'em wet. - I was washin' 'em. This shit's hard to get off. Maybe if he'd had Lava I coulda done a better job. I used the same fuckin' soap you did, and when I finished, the towel didn't look like no goddamn maxi-pad ! What if he was to come in here and see his towel like this ? It's shit like this that's gonna ing this situation to a head, man ! Look, I ain't threatenin' you or nothin', all right ? You know I respect you and all. But just don't put me in this position, all right ? All right. Fine. Fine. Ask me nice like that, no problem. Just go handle your friend. Go ahead. I don't care. Mmm ! Goddamn, Jimmie ! This some serious gourmet shit. Me and Vincent would've been satisfied... with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice. Right ? Chuckles And he springs this serious gourmet shit on us. - What flavor is this ? - Knock it off, Julie. - What ? - I don't need you to tell me how fuckin' good my coffee is. I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping, she buys shit. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff 'cause when I drink it, I wanna taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now ? It ain't the coffee in my kitchen. It's the dead nigger in my garage. - Jimmie, don't even worry-- - Don't tell me about anything. I wanna ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice the sign on the front of my house that said, Dead Nigger Storage ? - You know I ain't seen no-- - Did you notice the sign on the front of my house... that said, Dead Nigger Storage ? No. I didn't. - You know why you didn't see that sign ? - Sighs Why ? 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead niggers ain't my fuckin' business, that's why ! - We're not gonna store the motherfucker-- - Don't you fuckin' realize... that if Bonnie comes home and finds a dead body in her house, I'm gonna get divorced ? No marriage counselor. No trial separation. I'm gonna get fuckin' divorced. Okay ? And I don't wanna get fuckin' divorced ! Man, you know, fuck, I wanna help you, but I don't wanna lose my wife doin' it. Jimmie, Jimmie, she ain't gonna leave you. Don't fuckin' Jimmie me, Jules ! Okay ? Don't fuckin' Jimmie me. There's nothin' you're gonna say that's gonna make me forget I love my wife. Is there ? Now, look, you know, she comes home from work in about an hour and a half. The graveyard shift at the hospital. You gotta make some phone calls ? You gotta call some people ? Well, then, do it, and then get the fuck out of my house before she gets here. That's Kool and the Gang. We don't wanna fuck your shit up. All I wanna do is call my people and get 'em to ing us in. You're fucking my shit up right now ! You're gonna fuck my shit up big time if Bonnie comes home. Do me that favor, all right ? The phone is in my bedroom. I suggest you get going. Well, say she comes home. What do you think she'll do ? Oh, no fuckin' shit she'll freak. That ain't no kinda answer. I mean, you know, I don't. How much ? A lot or a little ? You got to appreciate what an explosive element... this Bonnie situation is. She comes home from a hard day's work, finds a bunch of gangsters in her kitchen... doing a bunch of gangster shit, there ain't no tellin' what she's liable to do. All Gasping Yeah, I grasp that, Jules. All I'm doing is contemplating the ifs. I don't wanna hear about no motherfuckin' ifs ! All I want to hear from your ass is, You ain't got no problem, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker. Chill them niggers out and wait for the cavalry, which should be coming directly. You ain't got no problem, Jules. I'm on the motherfucker. Chill them niggers out and wait for the Wolf, who should be coming directly. You sendin' the Wolf ? Oh, you feel better, motherfucker ? Shit, yeah, negro ! That's all you had to say ! - Piano - Man She the hysterical type ? - When is she due ? - Partygoers Chattering Mm-hmm. Give me the principals' names again. Man Place your bets. - Jules. Mm-hmm. - Cards, please. Vincent. Jimmie. Bonnie. Mm-hmm. It's thirty minutes away. I'll be there in ten. Tires Screeching Doorbell Rings You're... Jimmie, right ? This is your house ? - It sure is. - I'm Winston Wolf. I solve problems. - Good. We got one. - So I heard. May I come in ? Uh, yeah. Please do. You must be Jules. Which would make you... Vincent. Let's get down to ass tacks, gentlemen. If I was informed correctly, the clock is ticking. Is that right, Jimmie ? Uh, one hundred percent. - Your wife Bonnie comes home at 9:30 in the a.m., correct ? - Uh-huh. I was led to believe if she comes home and finds us here, she wouldn't appreciate it much. - She wouldn't at that. - That gives us 40 minutes to get the fuck outta Dodge, which, if you do what I say, when I say it, should be plenty. Now, you got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it. Sighs - Jimmie. - Uh-huh. Do me a favor, will ya ? Thought I smelled some coffee back there. - Would you make me a cup ? - Uh, yeah, sure. Oh, uh, um, how do you take it ? Lotsa cream, lotsa sugar. About the car, is there anything I need to know ? Does it stall ? Does it smoke ? Does it make a lot of noise ? ls there gas in it ? - Aside from how it looks, the car's cool. - Positive ? Don't get me on the road and I find out the ake lights don't work. - As far as I know, the motherfucker's tip-top. - Good enough. Let's go back to the kitchen. Exhales - Here you go, Mr. Wolf. - Thank you, Jimmie. Mmm. Okay, first thing. You two. Take the body, stick it in the trunk. This looks to be a pretty domesticated house. - That would lead me to believe you got cleansers and shit. - Yeah. Under the sink. Good. What I need you two fellas to do is take those cleaning products... and clean the inside of the car-- I'm talkin' fast, fast, fast. Go in the back seat, scoop up all those little pieces of ain and skull. Get it out of there. Wipe down the upholstery. It don't need to be spick-and-span. You don't need to eat off it. Just give it a good once-over. What you need to take care of are the really messy parts. The pools of blood that have collected, you gotta soak that shit up. We need to raid your linen closet. I need blankets, I need comforters, quilts, bedspreads. The thicker the better, the darker the better. No whites. Can't use 'em. We'll need to camouflage the front seat and back seat and floorboards... with quilts and blankets, so if a cop starts stickin' his big snout in the car, the subterfuge won't last, but at a glance the car will appear to be normal. Jimmie, lead the way. Boys, get to work. Please would be nice. - Come again ? - I said, a please would be nice. Get it straight, buster. I'm not here to say please. I'm here to tell you what to do. And if self-preservation is an instinct you possess, you'd better fuckin' do it and do it quick. I'm here to help. If my help's not appreciated, lotsa luck, gentlemen. No, Mr. Wolf, it ain't like that; your help is definitely appreciated. Mr. Wolf, listen. I don't mean disrespect, okay ? I respect you. I just don't like people barkin' orders at me. If I'm curt with you, it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast, and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fuckin' car. Don't be lookin' at me like that, all right ? I can feel your look. It's a 1974 Chevy Nova. Sipping Green. Nothin' except for the mess inside. Mmm, about 20 minutes. Nobody who'll be missed. You're a good man, Joe. Thanks a bunch. - How we comin', Jimmie ? - Pretty good. - I got it all here, but, uh, - Sighs - Mr. Wolf, you gotta understand something. - Winston, Jimmie, Winston. Okay. You gotta understand something, uh, Winston. Uh-- Uh, no, thank you. Uh, this is our best linen here, and it's, uh-- it was a wedding present... from my Uncle Conrad and my Aunt Ginny. - They're not with us anymore. I wanna help-- - Let me ask you a question. - If you don't mind. - No, no, please. Go ahead. Your Uncle Conrad and Aunt Ginny, were they millionaires ? No. Well, your Uncle Marsellus is. And I'm positive that if Uncle Conrad and Aunt... - Ginny. - Ginny were here, they would furnish you with a whole bedroom set, which your Uncle Marsellus is more than happy to do. I like oak myself. That's what I have in my bedroom. How about you, Jimmie ? You an oak man ? Oak's nice. Oh, man, I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked-up, repugnant shit. Jules, did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits he is wrong... that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings ? Get the fuck out my face with that shit ! The motherfucker that said that shit never had to pick up itty-bitty pieces of skull... - on account of your dumb ass. - I got a threshold, Jules, for the abuse that I will take. Right now, I'm a fuckin' race car, and you got me in the red. I'm just sayin' it's fuckin' dangerous to have a race car in the fuckin' red. That's all. I could blow. - Oh, you ready to blow ? - Yeah. Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker. Every time my fingers touch ain, I'm Superfly T.N.T. I'm the Guns of the Navarone. In fact, what the fuck am I doin' in the back ? You're the motherfucker should be on ain detail ! We're fuckin' switchin'. I'm washin' windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull ! Fine job, gentlemen. You may get out of this yet. I can't believe this is the same car. Well, let's not start suckin' each other's dicks quite yet. Phase one is complete-- Clean the car-- which moves us right along to Phase two: Clean you two. Strip. - All the way ? - Wolf To your bare ass. Quickly, gentlemen. We got about 15 minutes... before Jimmie's better half comes pulling into the driveway. Goddamn, this morning air is some chilly shit. Are you sure this is absolutely necessary ? - You know what you two look like ? - Vincent What ? Like a couple of guys who just blew off somebody's head. Strippin' off those bloody rags is absolutely necessary. Toss 'em in Jimmie's garbage bag. Don't do nothin' stupid, like leavin' this shit out front for the garbageman to pick up. Don't worry, we're taking it with us. Jim, the soap. - Vincent. - Wolf Okay, gentlemen. You both been to County before, I'm sure. Here it comes. - Goddamn ! The water's fuckin' cold ! - Yo ! Yo ! Yo ! Better you than me, gentlemen. Chuckling - Don't be afraid of the soap. Spread it around. - Yelling Continues - Get 'em there a little bit. Vincent's hair. - Hey, get out of my hair ! - Come on. Do it, goddamn it ! Do it ! - Uh, um-- Towel. Wolf You're dry enough. Toss 'em their clothes. Wolf Laughing Perfect. Perfect. We couldn't have planned this better. You guys look like-- What do they look like, Jimmie ? - Dorks. They look like a couple of dorks. - Laughing - Both Laughing - Ha-ha-ha. They're your clothes, motherfucker. Come on, gentlemen. We're laughing our way right into prison. Don't make me beg. Okay, gentlemen, let's get our rules of the road straight. We're going to a place called Monster Joe's Truck and Tow. Monster Joe and his daughter Raquel are sympathetic to our dilemma. The place is North Hollywood, so a few twists and turns aside, we'll be goin' up Hollywood Way. Now, I'll drive the tainted car. Jules, you ride with me. Vincent, you follow in my Acura. Now, if we come across the path of any John Q. Laws, - nobody does a fuckin' thing 'til I do something. - Right. - What did I say ? - Don't do shit unless. - Unless what ? - Unless you do it first. Spoken like a true prodigy. How about you, Lash LaRue ? Can you keep your spurs from jingling and jangling ? The gun went off. I don't know why. I'm cool. I promise you. Fair enough. Now, I drive real fuckin' fast, so keep up. If get my car back any different than I gave it, Monster Joe's gonna be disposing of two bodies. - Metal Door Slamming - Engine ldling Outta my way, Rex. - We cool ? - Like it never happened. - Vincent All right. - Boys, this is Raquel. Someday all this will be hers. Hi. So, what's with the outfits ? - You guys going to a volleyball game or something ? - Wolf Laughs I'm takin' milady out for eakfast. Maybe I could drop you two off. Where do you live ? - Redondo. - Inglewood. It's-- It's your future. I-- I see a-- a cab ride. Move outta the sticks, fellas. Say good night, Raquel. - Good night, Raquel. - I'll see you guys around. Stay outta trouble, you crazy kids. Mr. Wolf, I just wanna tell you it was a real pleasure watching you work. Yeah, really. And thank you very much, Mr. Wolf. Call me Winston. - You see that, young lady ? Respect. - Alarm Deactivates - Respect for one's elders shows character. - I have character. - Because you are a character doesn't mean that you have character. - Chuckles - Tires Screeching - Wanna share a cab ? - I'd go for some eakfast. Feel like havin' eakfast with me ? - Phone Dialing Cool. I don't know why, I just thought he'd be European or something. - Yeah, he's about as European as fuckin' English Bob. - I know that now. - But was he cool or what ? - Thank you. Totally fuckin' cool, in control. Didn't even really get pissed when you were fuckin' with him; I was amazed. - Chuckles - Want some bacon ? No, man, I don't eat pork. - Are you Jewish ? - I ain't Jewish; I just don't dig on swine, that's all. - Why not ? - Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals. Yeah, but bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good. Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know... 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfuckers. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eatin' nothin' ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces. - What about a dog ? Dog eats its own feces. - I don't eat dog either. Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal ? I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy, but they're definitely dirty. - But a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Ah, so, by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. - Is that true ? - We'd have to be talkin' about one charming motherfuckin' pig. I mean, he'd have to be ten times more charming than that Arnold on Green Acres. Both Laughing Oh, man, that's good. That's good, man. You're startin' to lighten up. You've been sittin' there, all serious and shit. - I just been sittin' here, thinkin'. - About what ? - About the miracle we witnessed. - Miracle you witnessed. - I witnessed a freak occurrence. - What is a miracle, Vincent ? - Act of God. - And what's an act of God ? When, um, God makes the impossible possible. But this morning... - I don't think qualifies. - Hey, Vincent. See, that shit don't matter. You're judging this shit the wrong way. It could be God stopped the bullets, changed Coke to Pepsi, found my car keys. You don't judge shit like this based on merit. Now, whether or not what we experienced... was an according-to-Hoyle miracle is insignificant. But what is significant is, I felt the touch of God. God got involved. But why ? Well, that's what's fuckin' with me: I don't know why. - But I can't go back to sleep. - You're serious. You're really thinkin' about quittin'. - For life ? Most definitely. - Yeah. Fuck. What you gonna do then ? Well, that's what I been sitting here contemplating. First I'm gonna deliver this case to Marsellus. Then, basically, I'm just gonna walk the Earth. - What you mean, walk the Earth ? - Like Caine in Kung Fu. Walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures. And how long do you intend to walk the Earth ? - 'Til God puts me where He wants me to be. - What if He don't do that ? - If it takes forever, then I'll walk forever. - So you decided to be a bum. I'll just be Jules, Vincent. No more, no less. No, Jules, you decided to be a bum, just like all those pieces of shit out there who beg for change, who sleep in garbage bins, eat what I throw away. They got a name for that, Jules. It's called a bum. And without a job, a residence or legal tender, that's what you're gonna be, man. You're gonna be a fuckin' bum. Look, my friend, this is just where you and I differ. Garçon ! Coffee ! Jules, look, what happened this morning, man, I agree it was peculiar. - But water into wine, l-- - All shapes and sizes, Vincent. - Don't fuckin' talk to me that way, man. - If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions. I'm gonna take a shit. Let me ask you something. When did you make this decision ? When you were sittin' there eatin' that muffin ? Yeah. I was sittin' here eatin' my muffin, drinkin' my coffee, replayin' the incident in my head, when I had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity. Fuck. To be continued. - I love you, Pumpkin. - I love you, Honey Bunny. - Everybody be cool ! This is a robbery ! - Customers Murmuring Any one of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every one of you motherfuckers ! - You got that ? You just be quiet over there ! - Waitresses on the floor ! Get on the fuckin'-- Get the fuck down ! You're in a blind spot. Take your dames over to that booth, on the count of ten ! - Mexicans, out of the fucking kitchen ! - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8-- What the fuck are you doing, you fucking yuppie ? Get down ! - Get down ! - Throw those bags ! - Fucking move ! Move ! - Ranchero - Cooks Speaking Spanish - Move ! Get the fuck-- Get down on the fucking floor ! Grandpa ! Down ! I'm the manager here, and there's no problem. No problem at all. - You gonna give me a problem ? - No, sir, I'm not. Thought you said you were gonna give me a fucking problem ! - I think we got a hero here, Honey Bunny. - Well, just execute him ! - Panting - I am not a hero. - I'm just a coffee shop manager. - Get the fuck down ! The restaurant's ours ! - Just take whatever you want. - Panting - You talk to the customers. - Yeah. You tell them to be fucking cool and everything will be over. - You understand me ? - Yes ! Listen, everybody. Be calm, cooperate, and this'll all be over in a minute ! Get the fuck down ! Well done. Country/Western Muzak All right, now, people, gonna come around and collect your wallets ! You don't fucking talk. You just throw 'em in the bag ! Are we clear ? I said, are we fucking clear ? Good ! Now, wallets out ! Pumpkin That's it. Get the fuck down. In the bag. - In the fucking bag ! - Customer I don't have nothin' on me, man. In the bag. What am I waiting for ? ln the fucking bag. Laura. Laura. Tips. In the bag. - Is that a cellular phone ? - Yeah. In the fucking bag. Tidy up, tidy up, that's it. Now get the fuck down on the floor. In the bag. In the bag. In the bag. - What's in the case ? - My boss's dirty laundry. - Your boss makes you do his laundry ? - When he wants it clean. - Sounds like a shit job. - Funny, I was thinkin' the same thing. - Open it. - 'Fraid I can't do that. - I didn't hear you. - Yes, you did. What's going on ? - Looks like we got a vigilante in our midst. - Shoot him in the face ! I hate to shatter your ego, but this ain't the first time I've had a gun pointed at me. - If you don't take your hand off that case, it'll be your last. - Stop causing problems ! You'll get us all killed ! Give 'em what you got and get 'em outta here ! Shut the fuck up, fat man ! This ain't none of your goddamn business ! Be cool, Honey Bunny, be cool. No problem. I got it under control. Now, I'm gonna count to three. If you don't open that case, I'm gonna unload in your fucking face. We clear ? One. Two. - Three. - Okay, Ringo. You win. It's yours. - Open it. - Latches Springing Honey Bunny Hey, what is it ? What is it ? Is that what I think it is ? Mm-hmm. It's beautiful. Giggling Goddamn it, what is it ? You let him go ! You let him go ! - Let go of him, or I'm gonna kill you ! - Tell that bitch to be cool. - Say, Bitch, be cool ! Say, Bitch, be cool ! - Be cool ! Be cool ! - Tell that bitch to chill ! - You're gonna die so fuckin' bad ! - Chill that fuckin' bitch out ! - Chill out, Honey Bunny ! - Let go of him ! - Chill out, Honey Bunny ! - Now, promise her it's gonna be all right ! - I promise ! - Tell her to chill ! - Chill out, Honey Bunny ! - Now tell me her name. - Yolanda. All right, now, Yolanda, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we ? - Don't you hurt him ! - Nobody's gonna hurt anybody ! We're all gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like ? - Come on, Yolanda ! What's Fonzie like ? - He's cool. - What ? - Cool. Correctamundo. And that's what we're gonna be. We're gonna be cool. Now, Ringo, I'm gonna count to three. And when I count three, I want you to let go of your gun, put your palms flat on the table and sit your ass down. And when you do it, you do it cool. You ready ? One, two, three. - Panting Okay, now you let him go ! - Yolanda ! I thought you were gonna be cool. Now, when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. When I get nervous, I get scared. When motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers accidentally get shot. Just know, you hurt him, you die. Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don't want that. And you don't want that. And Ringo here definitely doesn't want that. So let's see what we can do. Now... here's the situation. Normally both your asses would be dead as fuckin' fried chicken, but you happened to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period, and I don't wanna kill you; I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, 'cause it don't belong to me. Besides, I been through too much shit over this case this morning... to just hand it over to your dumb ass. - Vincent ! - Yells - Be cool ! Yolanda, it's cool, baby. - Get back ! It's cool ! We still just talkin'. - Come on. Point the gun at me. Point the gun at me. There you go. - Yolanda Whimpering Now, Vincent, you just hang back... and don't do a goddamn thing. Tell her it's still cool. - It's still cool, Honey Bunny. - How we doin', baby ? I-- I gotta go pee. I wanna go home. Hang in there, baby. I'm proud of you. And Ringo's proud of you. It's almost over. Tell her you're proud of her. - I'm proud of you, Honey Bunny. - I love you. - I love you too, Honey Bunny. - Now, I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet. - Which one is it ? - It's the one that says Bad Motherfucker. That's it. That's my bad motherfucker. Open it up. Take out the money. Jules Count it. How much is there ? About 1,500 dollars. Okay, put it in your pocket. It's yours. Now, with the rest of those wallets and the register, that makes this a pretty successful little score, huh ? Jules, you give that fuckin' nimrod 1,500 dollars, and I'll shoot him on general principle. No, Yolanda ! Yolanda ! He ain't gonna do a goddamn, motherfuckin' thing ! Vince, shut the fuck up ! - Shut up ! - Come on, Yolanda. Stay with me, baby. Now, I ain't givin' it to him, Vincent. I'm buyin' something for my money. - Wanna know what I'm buyin', Ringo ? - What ? Your life. I'm givin' you that money so I don't have to kill your ass. You read the Bible, Ringo ? Not regularly, no. Well, there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides... by the inequities of the selfish... and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his other's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger... those who attempt to poison and destroy My others. And you will know I am the Lord... when I lay My vengeance upon you. I been sayin' that shit for years, and if you heard it, that meant your ass. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was some coldblooded shit to say to a motherfucker... before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this morning made me think twice. See, now I'm thinkin' maybe it means... you're the evil man, and I'm the righteous man, and Mr. 9-millimeter here, he's the shepherd... protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean... you're the righteous man, and I'm the shepherd, and it's the world that's evil and selfish. Now, I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is, you're the weak... and I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard... to be the shepherd. Go. I think we should be leaving now. - Surf Rider - Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Music Continues

See them tumbling down Pledging their love to the ground A way out west there was this fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski, at least that was the handle That his loving parents gave him. But he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself The Dude. Now Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about The Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, and a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so dern interesting. They call Los Angeles The City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly. But I'll allow there are some nice folks there. 'Course I can't say I seen London, And I never been to France, And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles And this a-here story I'm about to unfold, Well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd see in any of those other places, and in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face without feeling like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties, just about the time of our conflict with Saddam and the Iraqis. I only mention it 'cause sometimes there's a man, I won't say a hero, 'Cause what's a hero? But sometimes there's a man, and I'm talking about The Dude here, sometimes there's a man, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there, and that's The Dude, in Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man, and The Dude was most certainly that, quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles county, which would place him high in the running for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there's a man, sometimes... There's a man. Wow, lost my train of thought here. I done introduced him enough. All for a collective action. This will not stand. This will not stand, this aggression against Kuwait. Here on the range I belong Drifting along with the tumbling Tumbleweed Where's the money, Lebowski? I want that money, Lebowski. Bunny says you're good for it. Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the fucking money, shithead?! It's down there somewhere. let me take another look. Don't fuck with us! Your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, That means you own money to Jackie Treehorn. Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. No, no, don't do that Not on the rug, man. See? See what happens, Lebowski? You see what happens? Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm The Dude, man. Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. My my wife.. my wife Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man. What the fuck is this? Obviously, you're not a golfer. Woo? Isn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? Yeah, what do you think? He looks like a fucking loser. Hey, at least I'm house oken. Fucking time wasted. Thanks a lot, asshole. The man in me will do Nearly any task And as for compensation There's a little he would ask Take a woman like you To get through To the man in me The storm clouds are raging All around my door I think to myself I might not take it anymore Take a woman like your kind To find the man in me But, oh What a wonderful feeling Just to know that you are near That sets my heart a-reelin' From my toes Up to my ears The man in me will hide sometimes To keep from being seen But that's just because He doesn't want to turn into some machine Take a woman like you To get through To the man in me I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. This was a valued rug. This was a... Yeah, man, it really tied the room together. So this was a valued What tied the room together, Dude? My rug. Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny? What? Were you listening to The Dude's story? I was bowling. So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie Walter, what's the point, man? There's no reason-- here's my point, Dude There's no fucking reason-- Yeah, Walter, what's your point? Walter, what is the point-- Look, we all know who is at fault here. What the fuck are you talking about? No, what the fuck are you-- We're talking about unchecked aggression here, Dude. What the fuck is he talking about? My rug. Forget it, Donny. you're out of your element. Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill. So what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you do not-- Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-american, please. Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here, this is a guy What the fuck are you talking Walter, he peed on my rug. He peed on The Dude's rug. Donny, you're out of your element. Dude, the chinaman is not the issue here. So, ... who.. Jeff Lebowski. The other Jeffrey Lebowski, the millionaire. That's fucking interesting, man. That's fucking interesting. Plus, he has the wealth, obviously, and the resources, so that there's no reason there's no fucking reason why his wife should go out and owe money all over town, and then they come and they pee on your fucking rug! Am I wrong? No. Am I wrong? Ok, then. That rug really tied the room together, Did it not? Fuckin' a! And this guy peed on it. Donny, please. You know, this is the fucking guy I could find this fucking Lebowski guy. His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude. This is the guy who should compensate me for the fucking rug. His wife goes out and owes money all over town, and they pee on my rug? They pee on your fucking rug. They pee on my fucking rug. That's right, Dude. They peed on your fucking rug. This is the study. As you can see, the various commendations... Jeffrey Lebowski. Honorary degrees, etcetera. very impressive. Oh, please feel free to inspect them. Oh, no, I'm not really that Oh, please, please. That is the key to the city of Pasadena, Which Mr. Lebowski received 2 years ago In recognition of his various civic ... Oh, that's the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever Award, which is given oh, not necessarily given every year. Hey, is this, is this him with Nancy? Yes, indeed, that is Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes. it was taken when That's, Lebowski on the left there? Yeah, of course. Mr. Lebowski on the left so he's a cripple Uh, you know, a handicapped guy? Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. Uh, this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, Yes, yes. Not of California. Pope John. ..in fact, he met privately with the President, though unfortunately, There wasn't enough time for a photo opportunity. Oh, Nancy's pretty good. Oh, wonderful woman. we're very happy these are ... oh, those are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak. Different mothers, huh? Racially, pretty cool. They're not literally his children. They're the little Lebowski Urban Achievers, Inner-city children of promise but without the necessary means for necessary means for a higher education. So Mr. Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college. Excuse me. Thank you. Thank you. Far out. Think he's got room for one more? You never went to college. Please, don't touch that. Yeah, no, I did, but, you know, I spent most of my time, um, occupying various administration buildings, smoking a lot of thai stick, eaking into the R.O.T.C., and bowling. to tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it. Ok, sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, That's terrific. But I'm very busy, as I imagine you are. What can I do for you, sir? Uh, well, sir, it's, this rug I have. It really tied the room together. You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. Where do I fit in? Well, they were They were looking for you, these 2 guys. I'll say it again. You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? Oh, so you know that They were trying to piss on your rug? Did I urinate on your rug? You mean, did you personally come and pee on my rug? Hello! Do you speak English, son? Parla usted ingles? I'll ask you again. Did I urinate on your rug? No, like I said, Woo peed on my rug. I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon In this fair city, I have to compensate the person Come on, man, I'm not trying io scam anybody here. ..you know, I.. was just You were just looking for a handout like every other... Are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? Uh, wait, let me let me explain something to you. I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm The Dude. So that's what you call me, You know, that or, his Dudeness, Or, Duder, or, you know, el Duderino, If you're not into the whole evity thing. Are you employed, sir? Employed? You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that, do you, on a weekday? Is this a.. what day is this? Well, I do work, sir. So if you don't mind No, I do mind. Uh, The Dude minds. This will not stand, you know. This aggression will not stand, man. I mean, your wife owes My wife is not the issue here! I hope that someday my wife will learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she does not, that is her problem, not mine, just as the rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility, regardless of who he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some chinaman took them from me in Korea. But I went out and achieved anyway. I cannot solve your problems, sir, only you can. Oh, fuck it. Yes, that's your answer. That's your answer to everything. Tattoo it on your forehead. Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! My advice to you is to do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose! Do you hear me, Lebowski?! The bums will always lose! How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? Ok. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again sometime, Dude. Yeah, sure, if I'm in the neighborhood, You know, and ... I need to use the John. Blow on them. Go ahead, blow. You want me to blow on your, toes? I can't blow that far. Are you sure he won't mind? He really doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. Oh, and that must be exhausting. You're not blowing. Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. Oh, you're Bunny. I'll suck your cock for $1,000. Wonderful woman. We're all..we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited. Brandt can't watch, though, Or he has to pay 100. ..that's marvelous. Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine. Slamming them tonight. You guys are dead in the water. All right! Way to go, Donny! If you will it, it is no dream. You're fucking 20 minutes late, man. What the fuck is that? Theodore Herzel. The state of Israel. If you will it, Dude, It is no dream. What the fuck you talking about, man? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? Oh, Cynthia’s dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. You ought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? What do you mean, ought it bowling? I didn't rent it shoes, I'm not buying it a fucking beer, he's not taking your fucking turn, Dude. Man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex. Secondly, this is a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset. Its hair falls out. The fucking dog has fucking papers. Over the line! I'm sorry, Smokey, you were over the line. That's a foul. Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude. Uh, excuse me, mark it zero. Next frame. Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude. Smokey, this is not 'nam, this is bowling. There are rules. Hey, Walter, come on, it's just Hey, man, it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little. You know, it's just a game, man. This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round-robin. Am I wrong? Yeah, but I wasn't Am I wrong? Yeah, but I wasn't over. Give me the marker, Dude. I'm marking an 8. Smokey, my friend, You're entering a world of pain. Walter, man. You mark that frame an 8, You're entering a world of pain. A world of pain. Look, Dude, this is your partner. Has the whole world gone crazy?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?! Mark it zero! They're calling the cops, man. Put the piece away. Mark it zero! Walter, put the piece away. You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero! All right, it's fucking zero. You happy, you crazy fuck? It's a league game, Smoke. You can't do that, man. These guys, you know, they're like me. They're pacifists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. You know, Dude, I, myself, dabbled in pacifism at one point, not in 'nam, of course. And you know he's got emotional problems, man. You mean, beyond pacifism? He's fragile, Very fragile. Huh. I did not know that. ..it's all water under the idge, and we do enter the next round-robin. Am I wrong? No, you're not wrong. Am I wrong? You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole! Ok, then. We play Quintana and O’Brien next week. They should be pushovers. Man, will you just Just take it easy, man. You know, that's your answer for everything, Dude. And let me point out something. Pacifism is not look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind. Just take it easy, man. I'm perfectly calm, Dude. Yeah, waving the fucking gun around? Calmer than you are. Will you just take it easy? Calmer than you are. Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't want to be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gilbert and I will be submitting this to the league and asking them to set aside the round, I don't know, maybe forfeit it to us. So, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. I'm sorry. Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, well, at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as it's convenient. Mr. Lebowski, this is Bill Selliger of the Southern Cal Bowling League, and I just got an informal report that a member of your team, a Walter Sobchak, drew a firearm during league play. If this is true, of course, it contravenes a number of the league's bylaws and also article 27 of the league Dude, I..finally got.. I got the, the venue I wanted. I'm performing my dance quintet, you know, my cycle, at Crane Jackson's fountain street theater on Tuesday night, and, well, I’d love it if you came and gave me notes. I'll be there, man. tomorrow's already the 10th. Far out. Oh. all right, ok. Just, just slip the rent under my door. ...serious infraction and examine your standing. Thank you. Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us as soon as you get in, and I'll send a limo. I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug.. Which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help, and ... Well, we'd very much like to see you. Thank you. it's Brandt. We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski's in seclusion in the west wing. Funny... I can look back on a life of achievement, challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men and without the use of my legs. What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? I.. don't know, sir. Is it being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man? Sure, that and a pair of testicles. You're joking. But... Perhaps you're right. You mind if I do a j? Bunny... Excuse me? Bunny Lebowski, She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Fuckin' a. Strong men also cry. I received this fax this morning. As you can see, it is a ransom note. We have Bunnie. Written by men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Gather one million dollars in unmarked, non-consecutive twenties. Weaklings. Await instructions. Bums! No funny stuff. Bummer. This is a bummer, man. That's, that's a bummer. Brandt will fill you in on the details. Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier once we get instructions for the money. Why me, man? He believes the culprits might be the very people who ... soiled your rug, and you're in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion. He thinks the carpet pissers did this? Well, Dude, we just don't know. Fucking Quintana. That creep can roll, man. Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude. No. He's a sex offender with a record. He did 6 months at chino for exposing himself to an 8-year-old. When he moved to Hollywood, He had to go door-to-door to tell everyone he was a pederast. What's a pederast, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny. How much they give you? 20 grand, man. And, of course, I still get to keep the rug. Just for making the hand-off? Yeah. They gave, Dude a beeper. Now, so whenever these guys call What if it's during a game? Oh, I told them if it was during league play... What's during league play? Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. I figure... What's wrong with Walter, Dude? I figure it's easy money. It's all pretty harmless. She probably kidnapped herself. What do you mean, Dude? Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it. A young trophy wife marries this guy for his money. She figures he isn't giving her enough. You know, she owes money all over town. That fuckin'... Bitch. It's all goddamn fake, man. It's like Lenin said. You look for the person who will benefit, and, you know... I am the walrus? You know, you'll ... You know what I'm trying to say. I am the walrus. That fuckin' bitch! I am the walrus. Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov! What the fuck is he talking about? Fucking exactly what happened. That makes me fucking sick. What do you care, Walter? Those rich fucks. This whole fuckin' thing. I did not watch my buddies die facedown in the mud so that this fucking strumpet, This fucking whore I don't see any connection to Vietnam, man. Well, there's a literal connection. No, Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. Your roll. Have it your way, but my point is Your roll. Your roll. My point is Are you ready to be fucked, man? I see you roll your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up. Well...you know, that's just like ... Your opinion, man. Let me tell you something, pendejo, you pull any crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull The fuckin' trigger till it goes click. Jesus. You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus. 8-year-olds, Dude. The man in me will do Nearly any task And as for compensation There's little he will ask Take a woman like you To get through To the man in me The storm clouds are raging All around my door I think to myself I might not take it anymore Take a woman like your kind To find The man in me What a wonderful feeling Just to know that you are near... They called about 80 minutes ago. They want you to take the money, drive north on the 405. They will call you on the portable phone with instructions in about 40 minutes. One person only. They were very clear on that, Or I'd go with you. One person only. What happened to your jaw? Oh, nothin', you know. Here's the money. And the phone. Please, Dude, follow whatever instructions they give. All right. Her life is in your hands. Oh, man, don't say that. Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that. Her life is in your hands. Oh, shit, man. Her life is in your hands, Dude. Report back to us as soon as it's done. Where the fuck are you goin', man? Take the ringer. I'll drive. What? The what? The ringer. The ringer, Dude. Have they Called yet? What the What the hell is this? My dirty undies, Dude. Laundry. The whites. Walter, I'm sure there's a reason you ought your dirty undies, man. That's right, Dude. The weight. The ringer cannot look empty. Walter, what the fuck are you thinking, man? You're right, Dude. I got to thinking. I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fuckin' 20 grand We? What the fuck we? You said you just wanted to come along. My point, Dude, is why should we settle for 20 grand when we can keep the entire million? Am I wrong? Yes, you're wrong. This isn't a fuckin' game, man. Oh, but it is a game. You said so yourself. She kidnapped herself. I said I thought Dude here. Who is this? Dude the bagman, man. Where do you want us to go? Us? Yeah, you know, me and the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car, and talking on the phone all by my Shut the fuck up! Dude, are you fuckin' this up? Who is that? That is the driver. I told you What the fuck's goin' on? Walter! What the fuck is goin' on? He hung up, man! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man. Easy, Dude. We're screwed now. We don't get shit. They're gonna kill her. We're fucked, Walter. Nothing is fucked, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back. Look, she kidnapped You see? Nothing's fucked here, Dude. Nothing is fucked. They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs! Hey, Walter, will you just shut the fuck up? Don't say peep while I'm doin' business here, man. Ok, Dude, have it your way. But they're amateurs. Ok, we proceed. But only if there's no funny stuff. So no funny stuff, ok? Just tell me where the fuck you want us to go. That was the sign, man. So all we gotta do is get her back, No one's in a position to complain, And we keep the baksheesh. Yeah, terrific, Walter, but you haven't told me how we're gonna get her back. Where is she? That's the simple part, Dude. We make the hand-off, I grab one of 'em, beat it out of him. Yeah. That's a great plan. Walter, that's fucking ingenious, If I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch. That's right, Dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. Once a plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong. If there's one thing I learned in 'nam, it's You're coming to a wooden idge. When you cross the idge, you throw the bag from the left window of the moving car. You're being watched. What'd he say? Where's the hand-off? There is no fuckin' hand-off, man. At the wooden idge, we throw the money out of the car. We throw the money out of the moving car. No, we can't do that, Dude. That fucks up our plan. Well, call 'em up and explain it to them, Walter. Your plan is so fuckin' simple I'm sure they'll fuckin' understand it. That's the beauty of it. Wooden idge, huh? I'm throwin' the money, Walter. We're not fuckin' around, man. Ok, Dude, idge is comin' up. Give me the ringer, chop-chop. Fuck that, Walter. I love ya, but sooner or later you're gonna have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron. Ok, Dude. No time to argue. Hey, man. The idge. There goes the ringer! What the fuck?! Here, Dude, your wheel. At 15 mph, I roll out. I double back, grab one, and beat it out of him. The Uzi. Uzi?! You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked? Walter, please.. 15, Dude. This is it. Let's take that hill! We have it! We...have it! Aw, fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling. Etz chaim he, Dude, as the ex used to say. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck are we gonna tell Lebowski? Well, what exactly is the problem? The problem is What do you mean, What's the There was no... We..didn't ... They're gonna kill that poor woman, man. What the fuck are you talking about? The poor woman that poor slut kidnapped herself. Come on, Dude, you said so yourself. Man, I said I thought she kidnapped herself. You're the one who's so fuckin' certain. That's right, Dude. 100 certain. They posted the next round for the tournament. Donny, shut the fuck when do we play? This Saturday. Saturday? Well, they have to reschedule. Walter, what am I gonna tell Lebowski? I told that fuck down at the league office Who's in charge of scheduling? I told that kraut a fuckin' thousand times I don't roll on Shabbos. He already Walter posted it. Well, he can fuckin' unpost it! Who gives a shit?! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man. What am I gonna tell Lebowski? ..eventually she'll get tired of her little game and, you know, wander on back. How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter? I'm Shomer Shabbos. What's that, Walter? Yeah, and in the meantime, What do I tell Lebowski? Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, The jewish day of rest. That means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fuckin' ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer Shabbos! Shomer fucking Shabbos. Oh, fuck! That's it! I'm outta here. Oh, come on, Dude. Look, you just tell him Tell him we made the drop, and everything went, you know... Oh, yeah, how'd it go? Went all right. Dude's car got a little dinged up. Walter, we didn't make the fuckin' hand-off, man. They didn't get the fuckin' money! And they're gonna.. They're gonna kill that poor woman. They're gonna kill that poor woman Hey, Walter, if you can't ride in a car, how do you get around on shammos? Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do to her? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, And meanwhile, look at the bottom line. Who's sittin' on a million fucking dollars? Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sitting in the trunk of our car? Our car, Walter? And what do they got? My dirty undies. My fuckin' whites. Say, Dude. Where is your car? Who's got your undies, Walter? Where's your car, Dude? You don't know, Walter? It was parked in a handicap zone. Perhaps they towed it. You fuckin' know it's been stolen. Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude. Oh, fuck it. Where you goin', Dude? I'm goin' home, Donny. Phone's ringing, Dude. Thank you, Donny. Green. Some, own or... Rust coloration. And was there anything of value in the car? ...a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a... my iefcase. In the iefcase? ..papers. You know just papers. You know, my papers. Business papers. And what do you do, Sir? I'm unemployed. My rug was also stolen. Your rug was in the car? No, here. Separate incidents? Do you find them much, these stolen cars? Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck, though. Or the Creedence. Well, what about... The iefcase? Mr. Lebowski, I'd like to see you. Call when you get home, and I'll send a car for you. My name is Maude Lebowski. I'm the one who took your rug. Guess we can close the file on that one. El Franco, ay`dame abajo. I'll be with you in a moment, Mr. Lebowski. Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski? ..is that what this is a picture of? In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. Oh, yeah? Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say, whereas without batting an eye, a man will refer to his dick or his rod Or his... Johnson. Johnson? All right, Mr. Lebowski. Let's get down to cases. My father told me he agreed to let you have the rug, but as it was a gift from me to my late mother, it was not his to give. Your face. As for this kidnapping... Yes, I know all about it, And I know that you acted as courier. Let me tell you something. The whole thing stinks to high heaven. Right, but let me explain something About the rug. Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski? Excuse me? Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it? I was talking about my rug. You're not interested in sex? You mean coitus? I like it, too. It's a male myth about feminists That we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. However, there are some people It is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Oh, yes, Mr. Lebowski. These unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these. Listen, Maude, um, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but, you know, I don't see what this has to do with... Do you have any Kahlua? Take' a look at this, sir. Oh, I know that guy. He's a nihilist. Hello. Meine dispatcher says there's something wrong mitt deine kable. Yeah, come on in. I'm not really sure exactly what's really wrong with the cable. Zat's why they sent me. I am an expert. The TV's in here. You recognize her, of course. Oh, that's my friend Shari. She just came over to use the shower. The story is ludicrous. Meine nommen is Karl. Ich bin expert. You must be here to fix the cable. Lord, you can imagine where it goes from here. He fixes the cable? Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey. Little matter to me that this woman chose to pursue a career in pornography nor that she has been banging Jackie Treehorn, to use the parlance of our times, however, I am one of the 2 trustees of the Lebowski Foundation, the other being my father. The Foundation takes youngsters from watts and Shit, yeah, the achievers. Little Lebowski urban achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them, I asked my father about his withdrawal of $1 million from the Foundation account, and he told me about this abduction. But I tell you, it is preposterous. This compulsive fornicator is taking my father for the proverbial ride. Yeah, but my I'm getting to your rug. My father and I don't get along. He doesn't approve of my lifestyle, and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. However, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to. Well, I could do that. If you successfully do so, I will compensate you to the tune of 10 of the recovered sum. A hundred... Thousand. Yes. Bones or clams or whatever you call them. Yeah, but... What about my... Your rug, yes. well, with that money you can buy any number of rugs That don't have sentimental value for me. And I am sorry about that crack on the jaw. Oh, th-that's fine. That doesn't even... Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you. You will receive no bill. He's a good man, and thorough. Th-that's thoughtful, But Please see him, Jeffrey. He's a good man, and thorough. Oh, well... All right. All right. So he says, My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always bustin' my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard, and I got a rash so bad on my ass I can't even sit down. But you know me, I can't complain. Ah, fuckin' a, man. I got a rash, man. Fuckin' a. I gotta tell you, Tone, man, Earlier in the day, I was really feeling shitty, man. Really down in the dumps. Lost a little money... Hey, you know what? forget about it, huh? Forget about it. Yeah, fuck it, man. I can't be worried about that shit. Life goes on, man. Home, sweet home, Mr. L. Who's your friend in the Volkswagen? Yeah, he followed us here. When did he start foll What the fuck?! In the limo, you son of a bitch. No arguing. Hey, careful, man. there's a beverage here. Start talking and talk fast, you lousy bum. We've been frantically trying to reach you, Dude. Where's my goddamn money, you bum?! Well, we... They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands! This is our concern, Dude. No, man, nothing is fucked here. Nothing is fucked?! The goddamn plane Has crashed into the mountain! Look, man, come on. Who are you gonna believe, those guys or... We dropped off the damn money. We?! The royal we. You know, the editorial. I dropped off the money exactly as per Look. Man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light, and... You know, has it ever occurred to you that instead of, you know, running around, blaming me, given the nature of all this new shit, this could be a lot more, ... .. complex? I mean, it might not be just such a simple, You know? What in God's holy name Are you blathering about? Well, I'll tell you what I'm blathering about. I've got information, man. New shit has come to light. And ... shit, man... She kidnapped herself. Well, sure, man. Look at it. You know, a young trophy wife In the parlance of our times, you know She .. owes money all over town, Including to known pornographers. And that's cool. that-that's cool. I'm saying, she needs money, man. And... you know, of course they're gonna say they didn't get it, because she wants more, man. She's gotta feed the monkey. I mean... Hasn't that ever occurred to you, man? No, Mr. Lebowski, it had not occurred to me. That had not occurred to us, Dude. Well, ok, you know, you guys aren't privy to all the new shit, so... ..you know. But... ..that's what you that's what you pay me for. Speaking of which, do you think that you could, give me my 20,000 in cash? My concern is..and I gotta check with my accountant but this might bump me into a higher tax, Brandt... Give him the envelope. Oh, well, if you've already got the check made out, Th-that's cool. We received this this morning. Since you have failed to achieve, even in the modest task which was your charge, since you have stolen my money, since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust... I have no choice but to tell these bums to do whatever is necessary to recover their money from you, Jeffrey Lebowski. And with Brandt as my witness, I will tell you this: Any further harm visited upon Bunny will be visited tenfold upon your head. By god, sir, I will not abide another toe. That wasn't her toe, Dude. Whose toe was it, Walter? How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates Man, the nail polish, Walter. Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, Apply it To someone else's toe. Someone else's Where the fuck are they gonna get You want a toe? I can get you a toe. Believe me, there are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon, with nail polish. These fuckin' amateurs. They send us a toe, we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear. Now, the point is They're gonna kill her, Walter, And then they're gonna kill me. Dude... That's... That's just the stress talking, man. Now so far we have what appears to me To be a series of victimless crimes. What about the toe? Forget about the fucking toe! Excuse me, sir, Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant. Oh, please, dear. For your information, the supreme court has roundly rejected prior restraint! Walter, this is not a first amendment thing. If you don't calm down, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! All right, I'm outta here. Hey, Dude, don't go away, man. Come on, this affects all of us, man. Our basic freedoms! I'm stayin'. I'm finishing my coffee. Enjoying my coffee. : The Dude is not in. : Leave a message after the beep. : Thanks, man. Mr. Lebowski, this is duty officer Rolvaag of the LAPD. We've recovered your automobile. It can be claimed at the North Hollywood auto circus there on Victory. Far out, man. Far fucking out! This is a private residence, man. Ah, nice marmot. Ve vant the money, Lebowski. You think ve are kidding Or making with the funny stuff? There are things you haven't dreamed of, Lebowski. Ja. Ve believe in nothing. He believes in nothing, Lebowski, nothing. and tomorrow ve come back and ve cut off your chonson. Excuse me? I said we'll cut off Your Johnson! Just think about that, Lebowski. Ja, your viggly penis, Lebowski. Ja, and maybe we stomp on it and sqoosh it, Lebowski. It was discovered last night in Van Nuys lodged against an abutment. Oh, man, lodged where? You're lucky she didn't get chopped, Mr. Lebowski. Must've been a joyride situation. They abandoned the vehicle once they hit the retaining wall. Oh, my fucking iefcase! Man, it's not here. Shit! Yeah, I saw that on the report. Sorry. You gotta get in on the other side. The side-view was found on the road by the car. You're lucky they left the tape deck, though, And the Creedence. Aw, Jesus! What's that smell, man? Probably a vagrant slept in the car or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on. Are you gonna find these guys or, you know, I mean, you got any promising, uh, leads or... Leads? Yeah. Sure. I'll just check with the boys down at the crime lab. They, got 4 more detectives Working on the case. They got us working in shifts. Leads. My only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me Before the Germans can cut my dick off. Now, that is just ridiculous, Dude. No one's going to cut your dick off. Thank you, Walter. Not if I have anything to say about it. Thank you, Walter. That makes me feel very secure. Dude. That makes me feel very warm inside. Now, Dude. This whole fuckin' thing. I could be sitting here with just pee stains on my rug. Yeah. But, no, man, I gotta, you know. Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis. They were Nazis, Dude? Oh, come on, Donny. They were threatening castration. Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong? Well, he.. They were nihilists, man. They kept saying they believed in nothing. Nihilists. Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of national Socialism, Dude. At least it's an ethos. And also, let's not forget Let’s not forget, Dude That keeping wildlife, um, an amphibious rodent for, um, you know, domestic... Within the city... That ain't legal either. What are you, a fucking park ranger now? No, I'm just trying Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot? We are sympathizing here, Dude. Fuck sympathy. I don't need your fucking sympathy, man. I need my fucking Johnson. What do you need that for, Dude? You have got to buck up, man! You cannot drag this negative energy Into the tournament. Fuck the tournament. Fuck you, Walter. Fuck the tournament? Ok, Dude. I can see you don't want to be cheered up here. Come on, Donny. Let's go get us a lane. Another Caucasian, Gary. Right, Dude. Friends like these, huh, Gary? That's right, Dude. Do you have A good sarsaparilla? Sioux city sarsaparilla? Yeah. That's a good one. How you doin' there, Dude? Not too good, man. One of those days, huh? Well... A wiser fella than myself once said, Sometimes you eat the bar and Much obliged. And sometimes the bar, well... He eats you. That some kind of eastern thing? Far from it. I like your style, Dude. Well... I dig your style, too, man. You got a whole cowboy thing going. There's just one thing, Dude. And what's that? Do you have to use so many cuss words? What the fuck are you talking about? Have it your way. Call for you, Dude. Jeffrey, you have not gone to the doctor. ..no, I haven't yet. I'd like to see you immediately. So you're Lebowski. Maude has told me all about you. She'll be back in a minute. Sit down. Do you want a drink? Yeah, sure. White Russian. The bar's over there. So what do you do, Lebowski? Who the fuck are you, man? Just a friend of Maudie's. Yeah, the friend with the cleft asshole? What do you do? Oh, nothing much. Yeah, how are you? Listen, Maude, I got to, ... Tender my resignation or whatever, Because, ...it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. She most certainly was not. Hey, man, why don't you fucking... Listen occasionally? You might learn something. Please don't call her my mother. She's most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim. I'm telling you, I got pretty definitive evidence From who? From the main guy-- Oolie. Oolie Coco? Her co-star in the beaver picture? Beaver? you mean vagina I mean, you know the guy? I might have introduced them for all I know. Do you remember Oolie? He's a musician. Used to have a group Autobahn. Look in my LP's. They released one album in the late seventies. Their music is sort of a technopop. So he's pretending to be the abductor? Well, yeah. Look, Jeffrey, you don't really kidnap someone you're acquainted with. The whole idea is that the hostage can't be able to identify you after you've let them go. I know that. What the fuck is with this guy? Who is he? Knox Harrington. The video artist. So Oolie has the money? Well... ..no, not exactly. This is a very complicated case, Maude. A lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what-have-yous, and, a lot of strands to keep in my head, man. A lot of strands in old Duder's head. If Oolie doesn't have it, then who does? It's Sandra, about the Bearnali. ..look, I have to take this. Do you still have that doctor's number? No, really. It's not even uised anymore. Oh, please, Jeffrey, I don't want to be responsible For any delayed after-effects. After-effects? Could you slide your shorts down, Mr. Lebowski, please? No. No, man. She hit me right here. I understand. Could you slide your shorts down, please? Just got home from Illinois Lock the front door, oh, boy Got to sit down, take a rest on the porch Imagination sets in Pretty soon I'm singin' Doo doo doo Lookin' out my back door There's a giant doing cartwheels A statue wearin' high heels Look at all the happy creatures Dancin' on the lawn A dinosaur Victrola Listenin' to Buck Owens Doo doo doo Lookin' out my back door Ow! Ooh! Ooh! Tambourines and elephants are playing in the band Wondrous apparition Provided by magician Doo doo doo Lookin' out my back door Tambourines and elephants Are playing in the band Won't you take a ride on the flyin' spoon? Doo doo doo Bother me tomorrow Today I'll buy no sorrows Doo doo doo Lookin' out my back door He lives in north Hollywood, on Radford, near the in-n-out burger. The in-n-out burger's on Camrose. Near the in-n-out burger. Those are good burgers, Walter. Shut the fuck up, Donny. The kid is in ninth grade, Dude, And his father is Are you ready for this? His father is Arthur Digby Sellers. Who the fuck is that? Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? Ever heard of a little show called anded, Dude? Yes, I know All but one man died there at bitter creek? I know the fucking show, Walter. So what? Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. The bulk of the series. Not exactly a lightweight. And yet his son is a fucking dunce. Anyway, we'll go there after the what-have-you, we'll ace the kid, should be a pushover. We'll be near the in-n-out burger. Shut the fuck up, Donny! We'll go out there, we'll ace the kid, He should be a pushover. We'll get that fucking $1 million back If he hasn't spent it already. A million fucking clams. And yes, we'll be near the .. In-n-out. Some burgers, some beers, a few laughs. Our fucking troubles are over, Dude. Oh, fuck me, man! That kid's already spent all the money, man! New 'vette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he still has 960, $970,000 left, depending on the options. Wait in the car, Donny. Yes? Pilar? My name is Walter Sobchak. This is my associate Jeffrey Lebowski. Um, we came to talk about little Larry. May we come in? Yes, yes. Thank you. That's him, Dude. And a good day to you, Sir! ..sit down, please. Larry, sweetie, that man is here! Is he... Does he still write? He has health problems. Sir, I just want to say ... that we're both.. on a personal level... Really enormous fans. Branded, especially the early episodes, was truly a source of inspiration Sweetie, sit down! This man is the police. we didn't want to give the impression that we were police exactly. We're hoping it won't be necessary to call the police. But that's up to little Larry here. Isn't it, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Look, man Dude, please. Is this your homework, Larry? Just ask him about the car, man. Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Is that your car out front? Is this your homework, Larry? We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little at? Look, Larry... Have you ever heard of Vietnam? You're entering a world of pain, son. we know that this is your homework. We know that you stole the car. And the fucking money! And the fucking money. And we know that this is your homework. We're gonna cut your dick off, Larry. You're killing your father, Larry. All right. This is pointless. It's time for plan b. You might want to watch out that front window, Larry. Son, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass! Little language problem here. The little prick's stonewalling me. What...are you doing, man? What are you doing? Here you go, Larry. You see what happens? You see what happens, Larry? You see what happens? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry! This is what happens, Larry! You see what happens, Larry? You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass? This is what happens. You see what happens, Larry? You see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens, Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass? This is what happens, Larry! No! This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you fuck a stranger What the fuck are you doing, man?! Stop it! I just bought that fucking car last week! Whoa, whoa, whoa... I'm gonna fuckin' kill you! I just bought the fucking car last week! I'll kill your fucking car, man! No! No! Hey! Hey! That's not his hey! God damn it! You like that? I kill your fucking car! I accept your apology. No. I just.. Want to handle it by myself from now on. That has nothing to do with it. Yes, the car made it home. You're calling me at home. it did not look like... Larry was about to crack. Well, that's your perception. You know, Walter, you're right. There is an unspoken message here. It's fuck you! Leave me the fuck alone! Yeah, I'll be at practice. Pin your diapers on, Lebowski. Jackie Treehorn wants to see you. Jackie Treehorn knows which Lebowski you are. Jackie Treehorn wants to see the deadbeat Lebowski. You're not dealing with morons here. Hello, Dude. Thanks for coming. I'm Jackie Treehorn. This is quite a pad you got here, man. Completely unspoiled. What's your drink, Dude? White Russian. Thanks. White Russian. How's the smut business, Jackie? I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy. Oh. Which one's Logjamming? Yes, regrettably, it's true. Standards have fallen in adult entertainment. It's video, Dude. Now that we're competing with those amateurs, We can't afford to invest in little extras, like story, production value, feelings. You know, people forget that the ain is the biggest erogenous zone. On you maybe. Of course, you have to take the good with the bad. New technology permits us to do very exciting things In interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100 electronic. Well... I still jerk off manually. Of course you do. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point. Well, here it is, Dude. Where's Bunny? Well, I thought you might know that, man. Why would I? She only ran off to get away from that rather sizable debt to me. No. She didn't run off. She's been.. I've heard that kidnapping story, so save it. I know you're mixed up in all this, Dude, And I don't care what you're trying to get from the husband. That's your business. All I'm saying is... I want mine. Yeah, right, man. I mean, there are a lot of, um, Facets to this, a lot of interested parties. Excuse me. Where's that? All right. Excuse me. Forgive me. No problemo, man. If I can find your money... Uh, what's in it for The Dude? Well, of course, there's that to discuss. Uh, refill? Yeah. The pope shit in the woods? 10 finder's fee. That all right? Done, Jackie. Yeah. I dig the way you do business, man. Your money is being held By a kid named Larry Sellers. He lives in north Hollywood, On Radford ... by the in-n-out burger. A fuckin' at, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's 15. Flunking social studies. So, if you could just .. Write me a check for my 10 of half a million... 5 grand... I'll go out and mingle You mix a hell of a Caucasian, Jackie. A 15-year-old kid. Is this some sort of a joke? No, no joke. No funny stuff, Jackie. the kid's got it. Hi, fellas. The kid just wanted a car. All The Dude ever wanted was his rug back. I'm not greedy. It would really... Tie the room together. Darkness washed over The Dude. Darker than a black steer's took us On a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom. What condition my condition was in I woke up this morning with the sun down Shinin' in him I found my mind in a own paper bag But then I tripped on a cloud and fell 8 miles high I tore my mind on a jagged sky I just dropped in To see what condition my condition was in Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah What condition my condition was in I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole And then I followed it in I watched myself crawlin' out As I was crawlin' in I got up so tight I couldn't unwind I saw so much I oke my mind I just dropped in To see what condition my condition was in Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah What condition my condition was in Someone painted echoes on In big black letters On the dead inside I kept my foot on the gas As I left the road Blew out my mind 8 miles out of Memphis, and I got no spare 8 miles straightened up downtown somewhere I just dropped in To see what condition my condition was in I said, I just dropped in To see what condition my condition was in But the charge was true and they say he ran away anded! Is this your only I.D.? I know my rights, man. You don't know shit, Lebowski. I want a fucking lawyer, man. I want... Bill Kunstler, man. Or Ron Coobie. Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party, that you were drunk and abusive. Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man. Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk-off behavior, And I don't like you... Jerk-off. Do I make myself clear? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Fucking fascist! Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski! Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat! Keep your ugly fucking gold- icking ass out of my beach community. I want to sleep with you in the desert tonight With a billion stars all around Jesus... Man, could you change the channel? Fuck you, man! if you don't like my music, get your own fucking cab! I had a really rough I'll pull over and kiss your ass out. Man, come on, I had a rough night, And I hate the fucking eagles, man. Out of my fucking cab! Devil-may-care And I'm the devil with love to spare So viva, Las Vegas Viva, Las Vegas Jeffrey. Maude? Love me. Uh, that's my robe. Tell me about yourself, Jeffrey. Well, not much to tell. I, um, I was one of the authors of the port Huron Statement. The original Port Huron Statement. Not the compromised second draft. Uh, and then I, you ever hear of the Seattle 7? That was me. And, um, the 6 other guys. Um, and then a music business iefly. Yeah, a roadie for Metallica. Speed of sound tour. Bunch of assholes. Uh, and then, you know, A little of this, a little of that. My career's slowed down a little lately. What do you do for recreation? Oh, the usual. Bowl, drive around. The occasional acid flashback. What happened to your house? Oh, Jackie Treehorn trashed the place. He thought I had your father's money. He got me out of the way while he looked for it. Cocktail? No, thanks. It's not my father's money. It's the Foundation's. Why did he think you have it? And who does? Oh, Larry Sellers, this high school kid. Real fucking at. You know, this is a very complicated case, Maude. Lotta ins, lotta outs. You know, fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, drug regiment to keep my mind, you know, Uh, limber, you know. Very fucking close to your father's money. I keep telling you it's the Foundation's money. Father doesn't have any. What are you talking about? he's fucking loaded. No, no, the wealth was all mother's. No, he runs stuff, We did let him run one of the companies iefly, But he didn't do very well at it. No, he's, you know. No, he helps administer the charities now, and I give him a reasonable allowance. He has no money of his own. I know how he likes to present himself. Father's weakness is vanity. Hence, the slut. Uh, do you think he, What is that, yoga? It increases the chances of conception. Increases? Well, yes. What did you think this was all about? Fun and games? I want a child. Ok, yeah, ok, but let me Let me explain something about The Dude. Uh, look, Jeffrey, I don't want a partner. In fact, I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially or who'll have any interest in raising the child himself. Oh, so that doctor Exactly. Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn Do that as well? No, it was the chief of police of Malibu. A real reactionary. So, your father... Oh, yeah, I get it. Oh, man, my thinking about this case had become very uptight. Yeah, your father. Jeffrey, what are you talking about? Walter, if you're there, pick up the fucking phone, man, come on, Walter. Pick it up, man, this is an emergency. Come on, enough--Dude? Yeah, listen, Walter, I'm at my place. I need you to come pick me up. I can't drive, Dude, It's Erev Shabbos. What? Erev Shabbos. I can't drive. Man! I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone unless it's an emergency. This is a fucking emergency. I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. Walter, you fuck, we gotta go to Pasadena, man. Come pick me up or I’m off the fucking bowling team. Get out of that fucking car, man. Get out of that fucking car! Get the fuck out of the car, man. Get out of the fucking Who the fuck are you, man? Easy, man. Relax, man. No physical harm intended. Who the fuck are you? Why are you following me around? Come on, fuckhead. Relax, man. I'm a other Seamus. Brother Seamus? Like an Irish monk? What the fuck are you talking about? My name is Da Fino. I'm a private snoop, like you, man. A dick, man. And let me tell you something. I dig your work. Playing one side against the other. In bed with everybody. Fabulous stuff, man. I'm not..fuck it, man. Just stay away from my fucking lady friend. Hey, hey, I’m not messing with your special lady. She's not my special lady. She's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man. Hey, man, I'm not Who are you working for? Lebowski? Jackie Treehorn? The Knutsens. The--who the fuck are the Knutsens? The Knutsen's. It's a wandering daughter job. Bunny Lebowski, man. Her real name is Fawn Knutsen. Her parents want her back. Jesus fucking Christ. Crazy, huh? Ran away about a year ago. The Knutsens told me I should show her this when I found her. It's the family farm. It's outside of Moorhead, Minnesota. They think it'll make her homesick. Oh, boy. How are you gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus? She's been kidnapped, Da Fino. Oh, I don't know. maybe not, But she's definitely not around. Hey, maybe you and me could pool our resources. Trade information. Professional courtesy. Compeers, you know what I mean? I get it. Fuck off, Da Fino. And stay away from my special From my fucking lady friend, man. Ze lingonberry pancakes. Lingonberry pancakes. Sree pigs in blanket. She has lingonberry pancakes. I mean we totally fucked it up, man. We fucked up his payoff, we got the kidnappers all pissed off, And Lebowski, you know, he yelled at me a lot, But he didn't do anything? Well, sometimes it's a cathartic No, no, I'm saying if he knows I’m a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge Of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back, man. He's had enough. He no longer digs her. It's all a show. Ok, but then, why doesn't he give a shit About his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off his iefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the iefcase. The iefcase was fucking empty, man. The asshole was hoping that they would kill her. You threw out a ringer for a ringer. Ok, but how does this all add up To an emergency? I'm saying I see what you're getting at, Dude, He kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's Shabbos, the Sabbath, which I'm allowed to eak only if it's a matter of life or death. Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man. What the fuck are you talking about? You're fucking Polish-catholic. What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia. Come on, Dude. Yeah, yeah. You know this. And 5 fucking years ago, you were divorced. So what are saying? When you get divorced, You turn in your li ary card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish? This is the driveway, huh? I'm Jewish as fucking Tevye. Man, you know, it's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing. Man, taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past. 3,000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax, you're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past! What the hell happened? Where was she, man? Visiting friends of hers in palm springs. She just picked up and left. Never bothered to tell us. Well, I guess the fucking nihilist knew where she was. Jesus, Dude, she never even kidnapped herself. Who is this gentleman, Dude? Who am I? I'm a fucking veteran. He shouldn't go in there, Dude. He's very angry. Hello, man. So, she's back, no thanks to you. Where's the fucking money, Lebowski? A million bucks from fucking needy Little urban achievers! You are scum, man! Who the hell is he? Who am I? Who am I? I'm the guy that's gonna kick Your phony gold icking ass! That's who I am. Man, we know the iefcase was fucking empty. We know you kept the million bucks for yourself. You have your story, I have mine. I say I entrusted the money to you, And you stole it. As if we would ever dream of taking your bullshit money! You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped, and you were fucking glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on. You just met me. You human paraquat! You figured, oh, here's a loser, you know. A deadbeat. somebody the square community Won't give a shit about. Well, aren't you? Well, yeah, but Get out, both of you. Look at that fucking phony, Dude. Pretending to be a fucking millionaire. Out of this house now, you bums! Let me tell you something else. I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude, And this guy's a fake. A fucking gold icker. Stay away from me, mister! This guy fucking walks. I've never been more certain of anything in my life. You stay away from me! Walter, for Christ's sake, man, he's a cripple. Come on, come on. Get away from me! Put him down, man! Yeah, I'll put him down, Dude! Rauss! Achtung, baby! Come on, man, help me put him back in his chair. Sure, you'll see some tank battles. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. I mean 'nam was a foot soldier's war. Whereas, this thing should, you know, should be a piece of cake. I mean, I had an M16, Jacko. Not an A ams fucking tank. Me and Charlie, eyeball to eyeball. Yeah. That's fuckin' combat. The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary. Who's in pajamas, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny. Whereas, what we have here... Lots of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse on a soviet tank. This .. is not a worthy Hey! What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit! I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you not fooling me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. It's bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man. Ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I'll fuck you in the ass Next Wednesday instead. Whoo! You got a date Wednesday, baby. He's cracking. The whole concept of Asia. I mean, many learned men have disputed this, but in the 14th century. the rabahm, he Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car. We want some money, Lebowski. Ja, otherwise, we kill the girl. Ja, it seems you have forgotten Our little deal, Lebowski. You don't have the fucking girl, dipshit. We know you never did. Are these the Nazis, Walter? No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of. Vee don't care. Vee still want the money, Lebowski, or we'll fuck you up. Fuck you. Fuck the 3 of yous. No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules. His girlfriend gave up her toe. She zought we'd be getting $1 million. It's not fair. Fair? Who's the fucking nihilist around here? You bunch of fucking crybabies. Cool it, Walter. Hey, look, pal, There never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty iefcase, So take it up with him, man. Yeah, and I would like my undies back. Are these guys gonna hurt us, Walter? No, Donny, these men are cowards. Ok, so we take ze money you haf on you And we calls it even. Fuck you. Hey, no, come on, Walter, come on. We're ending this thing cheap, man. No, what's mine is mine. Oh, come on, Walter. No funny stuff. All right, all right, I got, Uh, 4 bucks, almost 5. I got $18. What's mine is mine. We fuck you up, man. We takes the money. Come and get it. We fuck you up. Show me what you got, nihilist. I fuck you. Walter, come on, he's got a sword. Fucking dipshit with a 9-toed woman. Fuck you! Fuck you! I fuck you up! Take it easy, man. Here's the $4.00. I got a fucking ball, man. Anti-semite! I fuck you in ze ass. I fuck you in ze ass. I fuck you! I fuck you! We got a man down, Dude. God, they shot him, man. No, Dude. They shot Donny? There weren't any shots fired. It's a heart attack. Call the medics, Dude. I'd go myself, but I’m pumping blood. Might pass out. Rest easy, good buddy, you're doing fine. We got help choppering in. Hello, gentlemen. You are the bereaved? Yeah, man. Francis Donnelly. Pleased to meet you. Jeff Lebowski. Walter Sobchak. The Dude, actually, is, Excuse me? Oh, nothing. Yes, I understand you're taking away the remains. We have the urn. I assume this is credit card. What's this? That's for the urn. Don't need it. We're Scattering the ashes. Yes, so we Were informed. However, we must, Of course, Transmit the remains To you in a receptacle. This is $180. It is our most modestly priced receptacle. Can we just..$180? They range up to 3,000. Can't we just rent it from you? Sir, this is a mortuary, not a rental house. We're scattering the fucking ashes! Look, just because we're bereaved, Doesn't make us saps! Sir, please, lower your voices. Man, don't you have, you know, Something else we could put him in, you know? That is our most modestly priced receptacle. God damn it! Is there a Ralph’s around here? Donny was a good bowler And a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors and bowling. And as a surfer, he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and up to Pismo. He died...as so many men of his generation, Before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him. As you took so many ight, flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Lan Doc, and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. So did Donny. Donny who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabatsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, We commit your final mortal remains To the bosom of the pacific ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince. Oh, shit, Dude, I'm sorry. God damn wind. You fucking asshole! Everything's a fucking travesty with you, man. I'm sorry. It was an accident. What was that shit About Vietnam? What the fuck does anything have to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about? Come on, Dude. Hey, fuck it, man. Let's go bowling. And when you're sitting there in your silk upholstered chair talkin' to some rich folks that you know well, I hope you don't see me in my ragged company Aw, that you know I could never be alone 2 oat sodas, Gary. Good luck tomorrow. Yeah, thanks, man. I'm sorry to hear about Donny. Oh, well, yeah, you know, Sometimes you eat the bar, And sometimes, you know I wondered if I'd see you again. I wouldn't miss the semis? How have things been going? Oh, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs. Yeah. Thanks, Gary. Well, take care, man. Gotta get back. I know that you will. Yeah, well, The Dude abides. The Dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowing he's out there, The Dude. Takin' her easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals. Well, that about does her. Wraps her all up. Things seemed to have worked out pretty good for The Dude and Walter. And it was a pretty good story, Don't you think? Made me laugh to beat the band. Parts, anyway. I didn't like seeing Donny go. But then I happen to know That there's a little Lebowski on the way. I guess that's how the whole darn human comedy keeps perpetuating itself down through the generations. westward in the wagons, and across the sands of time until we Oh, look at me. I'm ramblin' again. Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves. Catch ya later on down the trail. Say, friend, you got any more of that good Sarsaparilla?

Classical Playing Off -key Playing Off-key Ends Man Think to yourself that every day is your last. Piano Playing Softly The hour to which you do not look forward... will come as a welcome surprise. As for me, when you want a good laugh, you will find me in fine state... fat and sleek, Wine Pouring a true hog of Epicurus's herd. Guests Laughing And we find you cribbing lines from Horace as well. Laughing Well done, John. I must say, Hannibal, speaking for the rest of the herd... Guests Laughing I'm sorry. For the symphony board. Hannibal Oh. These little soirees of yours are always the highlight of our year. Just so. Yes. - You're too kind. -I do feel a bit guilty enjoying such a lovely evening... when one of our musicians is still listed as a Missing Person. - Yes. Poor Fellow. - Shall I confess something wicked? I can't help feeling just the tiniest bit, well, relieved. It sounds awful, I know, but... let's face it... so does the man's playing. Guests Guffaw Hannibal, confess. What is this divine-looking amuse bouche? If I tell you, I'm afraid you won't even try it. Guests Laughing So, bon appétit. Bon appétit. Mmm. Doorbell Chimes Special Agent Graham. What an unexpected pleasure. I'm sorry to bother you again, Dr. Lecter. I know it's very late. There's no bother. We're both night owls, I think. Come in, please. Thank you. Let me take your coat. Lecter So, what's on your mind? We've been on the wrong track this whole time, Doctor, you and I. Our whole profile's wrong. We've been looking for someone with a crazy grudge... and some kind of anatomical knowledge. Decertified doctors, med-school dropouts, laid-off mortuary workers. From the precision of the cuts, yes, and his choice of souvenirs. That's where we're off-target. He's not collecting body parts. Then why keep them? He's not keeping them. He's eating them. No, listen. We were at Molly's parents for New Year's, and Molly's dad was showing my son, Josh, how to carve a roasted chicken. Yeah? He said, The tenderest part of the chicken... is the oysters here on either side of the back. I had never heard that expression before...oysters. Then suddenly, I had a flash of the third victim. Darcy Taylor... she was missing flesh from her back. And then it hit me... liver, kidney, tongue, thymus. Every single victim lost some body part used in cooking. Have you shared this with the Bureau? No. I-I needed to see you first, but I'm right. I know I'm right. I'm-I'm starting to be able to think like this one. Yeah, that's fascinating. You know, I'd always suspected as much. You are an eidetiker. Scoffs I'm-I'm not psychic, Doctor. No, no, no. This is different, more akin to artistic imagination. You're able to assume the emotional point of view of other people, even those that might scare or sicken you. It's a troubling gift, I should think. How I'd love to get you on my couch. Something still doesn't make sense to me. You're the best forensic psychiatrist I know. And somehow, in all our time together, this possibility never occurred to you. Well, I am only human, Will. Perhaps I have made a mistake. You don't strike me as a man who makes very many mistakes. Now I'm starting to think that I might no longer enjoy your full confidence. No, no. I did... I didn't say that. I didn't... I don't... I don't know what I'm saying. I'm very, very tired. I-I almost had it. It'll come to you. Look, why don't you come back in the morning? I'll clear some time on my schedule. Then we can get started on revising our profile. Sound good? Yeah. You rest here, and I'll get your coat. Won't be a tick. Sighs Groans Shh. Groans Don't move. You're in shock now. I don't want you to feel any pain. Gasping In a moment, you'll begin to be lightheaded, then drowsy. Don't resist. It's so gentle, like slipping into a warm bath. Screams Shh. I regret it came to this, Will. But every game must have its ending. Gasping Shh. Remarkable boy. I do admire your courage. Oh! I think I'll eat your heart. Fleshy Thump Groans Groans Oh! Oh! Trigger Clicking Birds Squawking Hey, Dad. Someone's here. Hey. Man You've got a beautiful setup here, Will. Graham Yeah. It's good. You know why I'm here? Yeah. I can guess. How much do you know? Just what was in The Miami Herald and the Times. Two families killed a month apart in their homes. Birmingham and Atlanta. Circumstances were similar. Not similar. The same. What have you kept out of the papers? He smashes mirrors and uses the pieces. Wears latex gloves, so we've got no prints. Size-11 shoe. He's not too comfortable with locks. Pried open a patio door in Birmingham. Used a glass cutter in Atlanta. Oh, and his blood's AB positive. Somebody hurt him? Nope. We typed him from semen and saliva. He's a secretor. Tell me something, Will. You knew what this was. Did you ever consider picking up the phone and maybe giving me a call? You've got all the people you need. You've got Dortmund up at Harvard. You've got Bloom in Chicago. And I've got you down here fixing fuckin' boat motors. Yeah. I like fixing boat motors. I wouldn't be very useful to you anyway. I don't think about this stuff anymore. Really? Last two we had, you caught. By doing the same things you and the other guys are doing. That's not entirely true. It's the way you think. Come on. There's been a lot of bullshit about the way I think. I've got technicians that can examine evidence, but you've got that other thing. Imagination, projection, whatever. Yeah. I know you don't like that part of it. You wouldn't like it either. Sighs This freak killed the Jacobis in Birmingham on Saturday night, Fe uary 25. Full moon. He killed the Leeds family in Atlanta a few nights ago. March 28. That's one day short of a lunar month. If we're lucky, we may have a little over three weeks before he does it again. Will, do you respect my judgment? Yeah, of course. I think we have a better chance to catch him fast if you help. Go to Atlanta and look. Just look. Then help me ief the locals. That's it. Woman Crawford has the whole damn government. What does he need you for? He just wants me to look at some evidence, Molly, give him another point of view. It's... It's a few days... a week maybe... and I'll be right back. - And you believe that? - Yes. I mean... Look it, these kinds of cases come along very rarely. - And I've had experience. - Yes, you have. You're paid up, Will. All of us, even Josh. There's a chance that I can help them save some lives. How do I say no to that? Sighs This one... This one will never see me or know my name. I'll just help them find him. The cops will have to take him down, not me. I'll be in the back of the pack, Molly. I promise. Scoffs Never in your life. Chuckles I know you. Come on. Come here. Come here. I love you. See you in a few days. Okay. I'll call you tonight. Engine Starts Josh Bye, Dad. Sighs Where's the dog? No one heard barking. There's nothing about it in the case file. Flashlight Clicks Switch Clicks The intruder enters in the dark and cuts Charles Leeds's throat. He shoots Valerie Leeds in the stomach as she's rising, disabling her but not killing her. He leaves her to watch her husband die... and turns and goes down the hall. Switch Clicks The children were st... The children were still in their beds when they were shot, which might indicate that he used a silencer. He dragged the bodies into the master bedroom, but why bother? They were already dead, and none of them got the same... extra attention as Mrs. Leeds. Sighs Small pieces of mirror were inserted in the orbital sockets of the victims. This occurred postmortem. Why did you put mirrors in their eyes? Sighs Screams Gasps The pieces of mirror make their eyes look alive. He-He wanted an audience. He-He wanted them all lined up watching him... when he... when he touched her. When he touched her. Touch-Touch... Talcum powder. There was talcum powder. Papers Rifling Mrs. Leeds had traces of talcum found on her right inner thigh. A complete search of the home led to no such matching talcum in the house. You took your gloves off, didn't you? You son of a bitch. You took your gloves off. You touched her with your bare hand, and then you wiped her down. But when the gloves were off, did you open her eyes? Phone Rings Continues Ringing Crawford. Graham Hey. Are the Leedses' bodies still at the morgue? Yeah. Who do we have down here that's really good with latent prints? Atlanta P.D., but they've already printed the bodies. Not the bodies. Tell them to check the eyes... Mrs. Leeds's eyes, even her corneas. I-I think he took his gloves off, Jack. I think he had to touch her. Jesus, Will. Man Gentlemen, ladies. This is what the subject's teeth look like. The impressions came from bite marks on Mrs. Leeds. This degree of crookedness... plus the groove in this central incisor... makes his bite signature unique. Fuckin' shark. Laughing Knock it off. We're grateful for the Bureau's involvement. They have a great deal of expertise in this area. In particular, Investigator Graham does. Isn't that right, Jack? Yes, sir. Anything you want to add, Mr. Graham? Why don't you come on up to the front, please? People Chattering Mrs. Leeds and Mrs. Jacobi were the primary targets. The others were killed just to complete his fantasy. I know that might be hard to accept, given what you saw, but this was not random. This wasn't some killing frenzy. He was never out of control. These attacks were highly organized, the women carefully chosen. We don't know how he's choosing them or why. They lived in different states, and they never met. But there is some connection. There's some common factor, and that's the key. Find out what that is, and we'll save lives. 'Cause this one is gonna go on and on... until we get smart or we get lucky. - He won't stop. - Why not? Because it makes him God. Would you give that up? You asked about the dog. Last night, a vet called us. Leeds and his oldest boy ought the dog in the afternoon before they were killed. Had a puncture wound to its abdomen. Vet had to put it down. Was the dog wearing a collar with the Leedses' address on it? No. Did the Jacobis in Birmingham have a dog? No dog. They found a litter box in the basement. Cat droppings in it. No cat. If the cat was attacked, the Jacobis might have buried it. Ask Birmingham to check that back yard. And tell them to use a methane probe. It's faster. Phone Rings Yeah. It's for you. Crawford. Carl, you're the light of my life. Would it hold up in court? Okay. Great work. They found a print on Mrs. Leeds's left eye... partial thumb. Other than that, there's nothing else that I can tell you. Thank you very much for your time. I cannot answer any more questions. Will Graham. Remember me? Freddy Lounds. I covered the Lecter case for the Tattler. Did the paperback. Yeah, I remember. When'd they ing you in? What do you got? You think the Tooth Fairy will be even a bigger story than Lecter? He's already beaten Lecter's score. Hey, hey! You write lying shit, and the Tattler is an ass wipe! Just stay away from me. Get away, Lounds. Go on. How about an exclusive? Sorry about that. That guy snuck into the hospital and took those pictures of me. Remember? With the tubes hanging out of me. I know. Forget that prick and give yourself some credit. When we catch the Tooth Fairy, that print plus his teeth will burn him. - You did that, Will. - The evidence was there, Jack. It was right there for anybody to see. But nobody else did. All I'm saying is that was very good work. No. Good work would be seeing it all the way through and catching the guy. And I can't do that. I did what you asked me to do. I'm going home. I don't even have any idea who this guy is. That-That stuff I just gave them was oad strokes. He's got no face to me. That's what you said about Garrett Hobbs. Remember? And you figured him out. No, I didn't. You didn't? No. I was stuck on Hobbs. Yeah? I had help. From Lecter. Yeah. Jack, don't play games with me, man. Don't do it. If there's something on your mind, come out and say it. I'm just saying maybe we've got a resource we ought to look into. Have you been walking me through the rest of this just so you could ask me that? Don't get mad at me. I'm just doing my job. If you know a better shortcut, let me know it. If you think there's any chance he'll talk to me, I'll go myself. If you tell me you can't handle it, God knows I'd understand that. Man As a research subject, Lecter has proven most disappointing. He's simply impenetrable to psychological testing. Rorschach, Thematic Apperception... Drawer Opens he folds them into origami, as you see. So you can imagine the stir your little visit is causing among my staff, Mr. Graham. If you'd care to share some insights... Dr. Chilton. I'm sorry. I've got a 4:17 flight back to Atlanta. Of course. Tell me, when you saw Lecter's murders... their style, so to speak... were you able perhaps to reconstruct his fantasies? And if so, did you jot down any impressions? No. Door Buzzes Intermittent Buzzing Let me be frank, Mr. Graham. The first definitive analysis of Lecter will be a publisher's wet dream. I'd give you full credit of course. Oh. Sighs Well, damn it, man, you must have some advice. You caught him. What was your trick? I let him kill me. Footsteps Echoing Breathes Deeply That's the same atrocious aftershave you wore in court. I keep getting it for Christmas. Christmas, yes. Did you get my card? I got it. Thank you. So nice of the Bureau's crime lab to forward that. They wouldn't give me your home address. Dr. Bloom sent me your article on surgical addiction in the Journal of Forensic Psychiatry. - And? - Very interesting, even to a layman. You say you're a layman, but it was you who caught me. Wasn't it, Will? Do you know how you did it? - I got lucky. - I don't think you believe that. It's in the transcript. What does it matter now? Doesn't matter to me, Will. I need your advice, Dr. Lecter. Birmingham and Atlanta. You want to know how he's choosing them, don't you? I thought you'd have some ideas. I'm asking you to tell me what they are. - Why should I? - There are things you don't have. Research materials, maybe even computer access. I'd speak to the chief of staff. Ah, yes, Dr. Chilton. Gruesome, isn't he? He fumbles at your head like a freshman pulling at a panty girdle. If you recall, Will, our last collaboration ended rather messily. You get to see the file on this case, and there's another reason. I'm all ears. I thought you might enjoy the challenge... find out if you're smarter than the person I'm looking for. Then, by implication, you think you're smarter than I am, since it was you who caught me. No. I know I'm not smarter than you. - Then how did you catch me? - You had... disadvantages. - What disadvantages? - You're insane. You're very tanned, Will. And your hands are so rough, not like a cop's hands anymore. And that shaving lotion is something a child would select. Has a little ship on the bottle, does it not? And how is young Josh and the lovely Molly? They're always in my thoughts, you know. You will not persuade me with appeals to my intellectual vanity. I don't think I'll persuade you at all. You'll either do it or you won't. Is that the case file? Yes. With photos? Let me keep them, and I might consider it. No. - Do you dream much, Will? - Good-bye, Dr. Lecter. You haven't threatened to take away my books yet. Give me the file then, and I'll tell you what I think. I need one hour and privacy. Just like old times, hey, Will? This is a very shy boy, Will. I'd love to meet him. Have you considered the possibility that he is disfigured... or that he may believe he is disfigured? The mirrors. Yes. You notice he smashes all the mirrors in the houses... and not just enough to get the pieces he wants. Of course, those shards in their eyes... so he can see himself there. That's interesting. No, it's not interesting. You thought of that before. I had considered it. What about the women? Uh-huh. Dead... mere puppets. You need to see them living, the way they caught his eye. - That's impossible. - Almost, not quite. What were the yards like? Big back yards. Fenced, some hedges. Why? Because if this pilgrim feels a special relationship with the moon, he might like to go outside and look at it. You ever seen blood in the moonlight, Will? It appears quite black. If one were nude, say, it would be better to have outdoor privacy for that sort of thing. You think the yards might be a factor when he selects victims? Oh, yes, and there will be more of them of course... victims. So you'll be wanting lots of these little chin wags, I take it. - I might not have time. - I do. I have oodles. - I need your opinion now. - Then here's one. You stink of fear and that cheap lotion. You stink of fear, Will, but you're not a coward. You fear me, but still you came here. You fear this shy boy, yet still you seek him out. Don't you understand, Will? You caught me because we are very much alike. Without our imaginations, we'd be like all those other poor dullards. Fear is the price of our instrument, but I can help you bear it. Shutter Clicking You gettin' his face? Yeah. Okay, you got it? All right, let's get the fuck outta here. Engine Starts - Crawford You're sure you're okay? - Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. What do you think he meant by see them living? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe nothing. It's hard to separate his bullshit, but I'm gonna make another pass at the Leeds house. Honky-tonk Piano Whimpering Man Duchess, no. Continues Whimpering Children Chattering Who's that? Get 'em, Duchess. Get 'em, Duch. Go get 'em, Duch. Go get 'em, girl. And... action.! Charlie! How did you... Hey! Hey, gang. He's a crazy man. How is everybody doin'? Oh, just fine. Home from the store. Hi, Daddy. That's my girl. Hi, Daddy. Hi, honey. Billy. Hi, Dad. And, sweetie. I am not ready for my close-up, Mr. De Mille. Well, what do you think? Get close. Get closer. A little closer. I think maybe we'd better put these kids to bed a little early tonight. They seem tired. Don't you think? Charlie Laughing Charlie Here we are at the pool party. What are you doin'? Stop it. You stop it. I'm telling my mother on you. Charlie Now I get my kiss. You want a kiss? I want a kiss... the big, romantic kind. People Cheering Won't nobody get in through here again. I'll guaran-damn-tee it. Why didn't he eak in down there? It's more hidden. Hell, that door's got dead bolts. Reckon he was in too big a hurry. No. This one doesn't hurry. Sniffs You sat right here, didn't you? You watched the children bury the cat. Then you waited for dark. You're proud. You had to sign your work. Boy Grandma. Grandma? Crying I'm sorry. Woman Oh, Francis.! I've never seen a child as dirty and disgusting as you. Look at you.! You're soaking wet. Get out of my bed.! Continues Crying No.! Go back up to your room. Grandma, you're hurtin' me. Shut up, you filthy little beast.! Whimpering I should've put you in an orphanage, grandson or not. Man Grunting Object Clanking Softly Grunting Continues Man, Muffled You hurting me.! Into the bathroom. Take off your nightshirt and wipe yourself off. Hurry up.! Now give me my scissors from the medicine chest. Grunting Please, no.! Take that filthy thing in your hand and stretch it out. No, Grandma. Please.! Now.! Look down. Do you want me to cut it off? Do you? No, Grandma.! I pledge you my word, Francis. If you ever make your bed dirty again, I'll cut it off. You understand? Grunting I'll be... good boy. Grunting I'll be... good boy. I promise. Breathing Heavily Clanking Keys Jangling Metal Clanks Good morning, Will. So nice of you to visit again. He carved this on a tree near the Jacobi house... with a buck knife. The same one later used on Charles Leeds. Yes. Yeah. Metal Scraping Take a walk with me. He had a second tool too, a bolt cutter. He used that to clear his view. But? But I don't think that's what he ought it for. Too heavy, too awkward and he had to carry it a long way. And what do we make of that symbol? Asian Studies at Langley identified it as a Chinese character. It appears on a mah-jongg piece. It marks the Red Dragon. Red Dragon. Correct. This boy begins to interest me. Doctor, we don't know what greater meaning this symbol might... Do you like my little exercise cage, Will? My so-called lawyer is always nagging Dr. Chilton for better accommodations. I don't know which is the greater fool. - Perhaps if you could offer some insight... - A robin red east in a cage/ Puts all Heaven in a rage. Ever been a red east, Will? Of course you have. I'm allowed 30 minutes in here once a week. Get to the point. I think he meant to use the bolt cutter to enter the house, but he didn't. Instead, he oke in through the patio doors. The noise woke Jacobi, and he had to shoot him on the stairs. That wasn't planned. It was sloppy, and that's not like him. Hmm. We mustn't judge too harshly, Will. It was his first time. Have you never felt a sudden rush of panic? Screeches Hmm? Metal Clangs Chuckles Sighs Yeah, that's the fear we talked about. It takes experience to master it. You sensed who I was back when I was committing what you call my crimes. Yes. You were hurt not by a fault in your perception or instincts, but because you failed to act on them until it was too late. You could say that. But you're wiser now. Yes. Imagine what you would do, Will, if you could go back in time. Put two in your head before you could palm that stiletto? Very good, Will. Imitates Hick Accent You know, I believe we're makin' progress. Drops Accent And that's what our pilgrim is doing. He is refining his methods. He is evolving. Oh, the case file mentioned videos of the Leeds family. I'd like to see those. No. It would be obscene. Why not? You don't make it easy, do you? Still, one aims to please. I'll call you if I think of anything else. Would you perhaps like to leave me your home number? Buzzer Sounding That's the end of our session, Doctor. For now. It was only his first time. Already in Atlanta he did much better. Rest assured, my dear Will, this one will give you plenty of exercise. My love to Molly and Josh. Man Go to the back of the cell, Dr. Lecter. Face the wall. If you turn around before you hear the lock snap, you'll get a dart. Understood? Yes, indeed. You got ten minutes to talk to your lawyer. Lock Clanking Starting now. Thanks so much, Barney. Man Hello? Dr. Lecter? I have those documents you requested. Dialing Robes, Robespierre, Robin. Robin, call for. Robin, fainting. Ta-da! Red east in a cage. 406.9. Clicking Tongue, Humming Ah. A robin red east in a cage/Puts all Heaven in a rage. Yeah, that's it. William Blake, Auguries of Innocence. Hmm. Think you got it? Yeah, we should have. Um, we have some books of Blake's paintings too. Wanna see 'em? Yeah, thanks. Woman Psychology department, University of Chicago. Dr. Bloom's office. Oh, hi. This is Bob Greer at Blaine and Edwards Publishing. Dr. Bloom asked me to send a copy of The Psychiatrist and the Law to Will Graham. His assistant was supposed to give me the address and phone number, but, darn it, she never did. Uh, see, I'm just a temp. Linda will be in on Monday. Gosh, and I have to catch FedEx in about five minutes. I hate to bother Dr. Bloom about it at home, 'cause he told Linda to send it, and I don't want to get her into trouble. It's right there in her Rolodex or whatever. I'll dance at your wedding if you read it to me. Oh, I don't know. I'm really not supposed to. Be a darling and flip that little ol' rascal, and I won't take up any more of your time. Graham, comma, Will. Oh, all right. Just a minute. Um, Gordon, Graham. It doesn't give the address of the house. What does it have, dear? F.B.I., 935 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest, Washington, D.C. Yeah? Oh, and let's see. Here it is. P.O. Box 3680, Marathon, Florida. Marathon. Yeah. That's fine. You're an angel. Door Buzzing I'm Francis Dolarhyde. I've come for the package of infrared. Right. Put your back against the door and come forward three steps... till you feel tile under your feet. And there's a stool just on the left. Same Mr. D. Who's head of tech services. Am I right? Uh-huh. I'm Reba McClane. Just a second more, I will get you some light. Okay. Here we go. Switch Clicks Electricity Buzzes So, what do you need the I.R. for? It's for the zoo. They want to photograph the nocturnal animals. That's great. I love animals. I gotta warn you though. This stuff is pretty sensitive. It can be mean to handle. But I guess I don't need to tell you that. Hey, Reba. Oh, Mister D. Whoa. I'm not interrupting anything here, am I? No, Ralph. Listen, Reba, it's starting to spritz outside. How about I give you a lift home? You ride a motorcycle, Ralph. How's that gonna help me with the rain? Well, I thought maybe... stop off someplace, have ourselves a little sundowner. - I've already got a ride. - That's cool. That's cool. No problemo. If there's anything I hate worse than pity, it's fake pity... especially from a walking hard-on like Ralph Mandy. - Sorry. - I have no pity. Thunder Rumbles Ride with me. Thanks, but I take the bus all the time. Mandy is a fool. Ride with me. For my pleasure. You wanna come in? I'll fix us a drink. Maybe another time. I will... come in. When is the zoo project? Maybe next week. They'll call. I love zoos. In fact, one of my earliest memories is seeing a cougar when I was about five. I didn't lose my sight till I was seven. Diphtheria. Could you hand me that knife? Anyway, I've always tried to hang on to what that cougar looked like. Although by now, to tell you the truth, what I see in my head... is probably not the least bit like a cougar. It's more like a donkey or a goat. You know, sometimes I'm not so sure I really saw him. Maybe he's just something I dreamed up. You okay? Uh-huh. - You don't say much, do you? - Um, no, I guess not. Chuckles Let's talk about something for a minute... and get it out of the way, okay? I can hear that you've had... some kind of soft palate repair. But I understand you fine because you speak very well. If you don't wanna talk to me, that's cool. But I hope that you will because... I know what it's like to have people always thinking that you're different. Mm-hmm. Well... that's good. May I touch your face? I wanna know if you're smiling or frowning. I wanna know whether I should just shut up or not. Take my word that I'm smiling. - I have to go. - If I offended you, I didn't mean to. No. Graham I've been to their house, but I don't have a sense what the Jacobis were like. It would help me if I could see some of their personal effects. Diaries, letters. Do you have those things, Mr. Metcalf? Oh, I sure do. I mean, other than one or two little keepsakes Niles Jacobi got. That would be Mr. Jacobi's surviving son by his first wife? Yeah, that's right. As their executor, I keep all that stuff here in the office, along with some of the smaller valuables, till after probate. But, uh, Birmingham P.D. 's been all through it. Could you pack those things and ship 'em up to me? I hate to ask. I know it's a pain in the ass. Ah, hell. Probate judge is an old golfin' buddy of mine. Son, just tell me you're gonna nail that son of a bitch. We're doing our best. Crawford Will? Hey, thanks, Mr. Metcalf. Thanks. A note hidden in Lecter's cell. Sounds like a fan letter mailed by the Tooth Fairy. He wants Lecter's approval. He's curious about you. He's asking questions. I've scrambled a chopper. Does Lecter know we have the note? Crawford Not yet. It was found during a routine cleanup. They don't open his mail? Can't. Need a warrant. X rays only. Where's Lecter now? Still in the holding cage. Can he see his cell from there? No. He's been there almost half an hour. Soon he'll start to wonder what's wrong. We gotta buy time, Jack. Dr. Chilton? Yes? Call your building superintendent or engineer... whoever's in charge. Tell them to pull the circuit eakers on Lecter's hall. Have the super walk down the hall past the holding cell carrying tools. He'll be in a hurry, pissed off, too busy to answer any questions. Got it? And don't forget. Don't touch the note. Okay? Graham's on his way. Listen up! We've got a note coming in on the fly, possibly from the Tooth Fairy. Number one priority. It has to go back to Lecter's cell... within the hour unmarked. We'll need Hair and Fiber, Latent Prints, then Documents. I'll walk it through myself. Let's go, people. Dolarhyde's Voice My dear Dr. Lecter... I wanted to tell you I'm delighted that you've taken an interest in me. And when I learned of your vast correspondence, I thought, Dare I? Of course I do. I don't believe you'll tell them who I am. Besides, what particular body I currently occupy is trivial. The important thing is what I am becoming. I know that you alone can understand this transformation. I have some things I'd love to show you, if circumstances permit. I hope we can correspond. I have admired you for years and have a complete collection of your press notices. Actually, I think of them as unfair reviews. As unfair as mine. They do like to sling demeaning nicknames, don't they? The Tooth Fairy. What could be more inappropriate? It would shame me for you to read that... if I didn't know you had suffered the same distortions in the press. I'm fed up with this bloody stupid building. Every day, something eaking. I swear they ought to tear the whole fuckin' place down. How much longer do we have? Ten minutes max. Instructions for answering are probably in the section Lecter tore out. But I don't get it. Why not just throw the whole note away? It was full of compliments. Couldn't bear to part with them. Now we can mash just a little. You're so sly. But so am I. Aniline dyes and colored inks are transparent to infrared. These could be the tips of T's here and here. On the end, that's a P or possibly an R. Maybe this is where he's telling Lecter how to answer him. Jack, there's only one safe way to carry on a conversation that's one-way blind. Publication. Wait a minute. We know this sweetheart reads the Tattler. That's in his note, right? The Tooth Fairy... they made that up. Three T's and an R in Tattler. So how do you communicate through a tabloid? You got what? News stories. - Personals. Personals. - Damn it. What if the killer wants Lecter to answer him through the personal columns? That could be it. We're gonna need proofs of those pages before the Tattler's published. I'm on it. Dolarhyde's Voice Investigator Graham interests me. Not your standard gumshoe, is he? More alert, purposeful looking. You should have taught him not to meddle. Forgive the stationary. I chose it because it will dissolve very quickly... if you should have to swallow it. If I hear from you next time, I might send you something wet. Until then, dear Doctor, I remain your most... avid fan. Crawford The Tattler got an ad order signed 666. Baltimore postmark on the envelope. It's set to run this afternoon. Chicago field office is sending the text through now.

We've got 19 minutes to get a message in if we can eak this. The Tattler can't hold its presses any longer. It's something simple. They only needed cover against casual readers. - I'm thinking it's a book code. - Book code? The first numeral... 100 prayers... could be the page number. The paired numbers after that could be line and letter. But what book? - Not the Bible? - He's got Galatians 15:2. Galatians only has six chapters. Same with Jonah 6:8. Jonah has four chapters. He wasn't using a Bible. Then the Tooth Fairy named the book to use. He specified it in his note in the part Lecter tore out. It would appear so. What about sweating Lecter? In a mental hospital, I would think drugs... No. They tried sodium amytal on him three years ago... trying to find out where he buried a Princeton student. He gave 'em a recipe for dip. Besides, if we sweat him, we lose the connection. If the Tooth Fairy picked the book, then it's something he knew Lecter would have. - Can we get a list of his books? - From Chilton, maybe. No, wait. Rankin and Willingham, when they tossed his cell... took Polaroids so they could put everything back in place. Ask them to meet me with pictures of his bookshelves. Where? The li ary. Will, I'm leery of letting Lecter's message run without knowing what it says. I say let this one run. We keep working on the code. At least it'll encourage the Tooth Fairy to contact him again. What if it encourages him to do something besides write? I don't like this any better than you, but it's our best shot. Oh, my God. Phone Ringing - Hello. - Jack, it's Lloyd Bowman. I solved the code. - You need to know what it says right now. - Okay, Lloyd. It says, Graham home, Marathon, Florida. Save yourself. Kill them all. Phone Ringing Yeah? Crawford Bowman just oke the code. - What does it say? - I'll tell you in a second. Listen. Everything is okay. I've taken care of it, so stay on the phone when I tell you. Tell me now. Lecter gave the bastard your home address. Wait, wait. Will? Will! Door Closes Footsteps Floorboards Creaking Mom? Helicopter Blades Whirring Molly Is he after you now? Will No, no. Lecter just suggested it to him. I hate this. Molly, I'm... I'm sorry. It's a sick feeling. I know it is. But you'll be safe here. Crawford's other owns this place. No one in the world knows you're here. I'd just as soon not talk about Crawford. Josh Chattering Beneath the yellow folder you'll find your latest rejection slip from the Archives. It was ought to me by mistake with some of my Archives mail. I'm afraid I opened it without looking. Sorry. I think we'll remove Dr. Lecter's toilet seat as well. Whinnies Crawford Atlanta P.D. nailed him. He had a fake Bureau I. D... and was trying to get the Leeds family autopsy photos. It's a federal beef, so Atlanta kicked him back to us. I'd like nothing better than to see this dirt sandwich pulling five at Leavenworth. But maybe there's a better way to handle this. - Yeah, what's that? - I think we ought to give him a story. Graham The Tooth Fairy's ugly and he's impotent with members of the opposite sex. Mm-hmm. Also, he, uh, sexually molests his male victims. While they're alive? Sorry. I can't go into those details. But we do also speculate that he's the product of an incestuous home. Mm-hmm. No wonder the creep's such a loser, right? Chuckles That's a tip we got from Dr. Lecter, by the way. So it's true Lecter's actually helping with your investigation. Yes, it's true. The doctor was offended that a bottom-feeding lowlife... like the Tooth Fairy would consider himself in the same league. Chuckles Okay. Uh... Tell me about this place you got here, Will... your little Washington hideaway. This is just an apartment I'm borrowing till this creep goes down in flames. I keep copies of all the evidence here so that I can work on it late at night. - Make sure you can read the name on that building. - Yeah. I got enough. Clears Throat Just remember. I scratch your back, you scratch mine. And if my story draws the Fairy into any kind of attack on Graham... and you nail the scumbag, I get an exclusive. Fuck you, Lounds. When we see the story in print, then we'll consider what to do about your sealed indictment. Yeah, yeah. It's a pleasure doing business with you. Chumps. Door Closes I feel like I need a shower. You okay with this? Better he comes after me than Molly and Josh. So, yeah, I'm okay with it. I wish we had something better, but there's only ten days till the next full moon. We've gotta rattle his cage. We'll stake out this apartment, put snipers on the nearby rooftops. Also, you'll have a moving-box tail 24/7... in your car, on the street, wherever you go. You'll wear the Kevlar at all times, no exceptions. You again? Come back at 4:00 a.m. when I open, all right? Hey! Hey, I told you... What? You told me what? Fucking dick. Is that your fucking name on the sign? Muffled Grunting Ow. Whimpers Where am I? What am I doing here? Dolarhyde Atoning, Mr. Lounds. I haven't seen your face. I couldn't possibly identify you. I work for the National Tattler. It would, uh, pay a big, uh, reward... a big reward for me. I mean, a half a million... A million, maybe. Do you know who I am, Mr. Lounds? No. And I don't wanna know. You know, believe me. According to you, I'm a vicious, perverted sexual failure. A bottom-feeding lowlife who's about to go down in flames. I think you know now, don't you? Exhales Yes. Do you understand what I'm doing, Mr. Lounds? No. But I... I would... I'd like to. I really want to... understand. And then all my readers could understand too. I am not a man. I began as one, but each being that I change... makes me more than a man, as you will witness. I don't need to see you. No. Oh, but you must, Mr. Lounds. You're a reporter. You're here to report. Breathing Heavily - Open your eyes and look at me. - No. If you don't open them yourself, I'll staple your eyelids to your forehead. Sobbing I don't want to. Open your eyes.! Oh, my dear God. Jesus. Grunts Oh, God. Grunts Moaning Panting Do you want to know what I am? More than anything. I was afraid to ask. Dolarhyde Do you see now? Yeah, I see. Oh, God. Mrs. Jacobi in human form. Do you see? Yes. Mrs. Leeds in human form. Do you see? - Yes. - Mrs. Jacobi changing. Oh, my God. Do you see? Mrs. Leeds changing. Do you see? Mrs. Jacobi reborn. Do you see? Mrs. Leeds reborn. Do you see? Please, no. No? - No what? - Not me. God, not me. Why did you write lies, Mr. Lounds? Graham told me to lie. Graham. It wasn't me. Will you tell the truth now? - Yes. - About me? My work? Oh, yes, yes. My becoming? Yeah. Ya... Yeah. I am the Dragon, and you call me insane. You are privy to a great becoming... but you recognize nothing. No. You are an ant in the afterbirth. It is in your nature to do one thing correctly. Before me you rightly tremble. But fear is not what you owe me, Mr. Lounds. Panting You owe me awe. Read. Tape Recorder Starts Dolarhyde That's all, Mr. Lounds. You did very well. You'll let me go now? Soon. There is one more way I can help you to better understand. I-I-I wanna understand. I do. And I'm really gonna be fair... from now on. You know that. Hello? Screams Muffled Screaming Flesh Tearing Screaming Sighs Squeaking Lounds On Tape I have had a great privilege. I have seen with wonder and awe... the strength of the great Red Dragon. He has helped me to understand his splendor. And now I want to serve him. He knows you made me lie, Will Graham. Because I was forced to lie, he will be more merciful to me... than to you. Hello? Oh, God.! Muffled Shouts Muffled Screaming Screaming Tape Stops We can let this tie us up in knots... or we can learn from it. Maybe even use it to catch the bastard. He had to have a van or panel truck to move Lounds around in that big old wheelchair. Mm-hmm. Go on. Anybody. He had to already have the wheelchair, too, or know where to get one fast. It's an antique, not the kind of thing you find around the house. Does it strike anybody that he set this up in one hell of a hurry? The Tattler comes off the press Monday night. By Tuesday morning he's in Chicago snatching Lounds. He either lives in the Chicago area or he's within a driving radius... of... call it six hours. Find out within this area where the Tattler was available for early distribution. Start with the airports and all-night newsstands. Maybe some newsy remembers an odd customer. Lloyd, this cassette... enhance the audio. Maybe you could pick up something in the background. Beverly, Jimmy, that wheelchair... I want the maker, date, possible sources. Graham and I will coordinate from Chicago. Let's hustle. Look, there's not gonna be any answers in Chicago, Jack. Okay, I mean, Lounds... that was a bonus. That was just a chance to show off. It doesn't even fit his pattern. The Leeds and the Jacobis are what he needs. I think I should go back to Baltimore. After what he tried to pull? I think Lecter picked up on something in the missing part of that note. Maybe not a name, but something. Enough to narrow the search. - He won't tell you. - Not unless I can offer him something. Lecter Congratulations, Will. That was most artistic of the way you disposed of the annoying Mr. Lounds. Your cell looks bigger with no books in it. Does it? I hadn't noticed. Well, you will. I have other resources. Tell me, Will. Did you enjoy it? Your first murder? Of course you did. And why shouldn't it feel good? It does to God. Only last week in Texas, he dropped a church roof on the heads of 34 of his worshippers, just as they were groveling for him. He wouldn't begrudge you one journalist. Put me next to him, Doctor. You and some SWAT team? Oh, Will, where's the fun in that? He'll have to take his chances too. A roof can fall on anybody. But not on Molly and Josh, I take it. Not yet anyway. First he kills the pet, then the family. Freddy was your pet. They're safe now. No one will ever be safe around you, Will. Clever work on his note, by the way. And that blackout was an especially nice touch. What else was in that note, Doctor? Put me next to him. That's what you want, isn't it? To help him succeed where you failed... twice. Give him a chance to kill me. Go on then. Seduce me with your wares. Full restoration of your privileges, plus computer access to the A.M.A. archives... one hour a week, under supervision of course. But this is a one-time offer. It expires the minute I walk out of here. A bit measly, don't you think? Turn it down then. See what kind of terms you get from Chilton. Ooh. Are these threats, William? I'm waiting, Doctor. Or maybe you've got nothing left to sell. A little sample then. Why not? Seen the Blake, have you? Yes. No, you've looked but not seen. Transformation is the key. The man/dragon... his ugliness transformed by power. Look for a military record with combat training. Look for extensive tattooing... and corrective surgery, most likely to the face. Come on. I'm past all that already, and you know it. Now give me what I need. How is he choosing the women? I've already suggested how. The answer was right in front of you. - You looked but didn't see. - Bullshit! No riddles. Just tell me. No. It's your turn. I asked you before for a small courtesy, and you responded rudely. Before I tell you anything more, you will make certain arrangements for me. What kind of arrangements? Oh, nothing much. Shall we say dinner and a show? You ready to tell me what kind of outing this is? Chuckles Nope. You're just full of surprises, aren't you, D.? Yep. Man He's about six feet away. Can you smell him? Yeah. Now, he's a little noisy, but he's sedated. I assure you. Dr. Hassler's about to fix his oken tooth. Glad you could come. We appreciate the infrared film, by the way. Two more steps. I'll put your left hand on the edge of the table. Okay, he's right in front of you. Take your time. Tiger Moaning D.? I'm here. You go ahead. Growling Softly Here. Why don't you try this? Heart Beating Nine steps from the front door to the clock and three more to this room. Sorry. Force of habit. Mellow Swing That beautiful tiger, this house, this music... I don't think anybody knows you at all, D. Everybody wonders about you though. Especially the women. What do they want to know? They find you... very mysterious... and interesting. Did they tell you how I look? They said that you have a remarkable body. That you're very sensitive about your face but you shouldn't be. Oh, and, uh... Chuckles they asked me if... you are as strong as you look. And? I said I didn't know. Ends Resumes Where the hell are you, D.? Ah, here you are. Do you wanna know what I think about it? Well, would you show me where the bathroom is? I have to do a little work. Sure. If I'm keeping you from working, I'll go. No. I want you to be here. I do. It's just a tape I need to watch. Won't take long. - Do you need to hear it too? - No. May I keep the music? Uh-huh. What's it about? Some people I'm going to meet. So then, it's what? It's a corporate promo? Some kind of homework? Homework. Yeah. It's a good idea. It's so important to be prepared. Oh, my God. Are you ever. No. Whimpering No, I won't give her to you. No. Panting Please, just... just for a little while. No.! You're hurting me! No, she's... She's nice. She's okay. Whimpers I had a really terrific time last night, D. But this morning you seem like a different person. Is something wrong? I have to go now. I have to go away. - Where? - On a trip. - When will I see you again? - Reba, you have to get out. Get out now. Metcalf's Voice Dear Mr. Graham... Here are the Jacobis' personal effects as discussed. I hope these things might help you. Good huntin'. Byron Metcalf. Classical Mmm. Crawford Will, how many more times are we going to watch this? Graham See them living, he said. Right in front of you. It's something about these home movies. Lecter keeps saying, You looked but didn't see. Crawford Lecter says a lot of things. It's a sad damn thing, but we already knew that. Will, we can't afford to let Lecter waste... No, no. Again. Woman Your dissertation must be nearly finished by now, Mr. Crane. Nearly. It's so nice to finally be able... to connect a face with a name after all our correspondence. But you know, you don't look at all like I imagined you would. What did you think I'd look like? Different. Continues - Gasps - Mouths Words Right there. There. Right there. That's what he wanted the bolt cutter for. To cut that padlock and go in through the basement. But that's a different door. I don't get it. The one I saw was flush steel with dead bolts. Jacobi had a new door installed. Beginning of January, I think. It's in here somewhere. You think he cased the house while the old door was there? He ought the bolt cutter, didn't he? He was sure he'd need it. Why case it almost two months in advance, then not check it again? I don't know, but he was ready with the bolt cutter, just like at the Leeds house, only there he was ready with the glass cutter. He must have seen the glass pane in the Leedses' kitchen door... when he was walking through the neighborhood. No, you can't see that door from the yard. There's a porch lattice in the way. Jack, he knew the inside of the houses. Remarkable, isn't it? Two hundred years old. And yet so fresh, so vivid. Exhales He almost looks alive, doesn't he? We just had a report here from... Screaming Crawford Mr. Metcalf, do you have the Jacobis' check stubs and credit card statements? We're looking for any kind of service call or purchase... that might have required a stranger to come into the house... a repairman or a delivery guy. Speaking, Indistinct Yeah. I know we already checked that, but now we've gotta go back much further. All the way to before January. Yeah. No collar. No collar. Please hurry. It's urgent. - Metcalf says... - No collar. The dog had no collar... in a neighborhood full of dogs, but he knew which one was their's. Same with the Jacobis' cat. No collar, but he knew. He knew about the padlock. He knew about the pane of glass. He knew the layout. He knew how to get in. Every goddamn thing he needed to know was on this... Oh, Jesus. Is Metcalf still on the phone? Give me. Byron, it's Graham. Hi. You said Niles Jacobi took a few keepsakes. Do you have a list? Yeah, right here. I need to know if one of the things he took was a home video. A full-length V.H.S. tape compiled from shorter tapes. One videotape. Yes? It says, Meet the Jacobis. It's Chromalux. Crawford We just got a fax. An incident at the Brooklyn Museum. Guy attacked two employees, and get this... ate the Blake painting. What? That's him. It's gotta be. If that painting meant so much to him, why destroy it? And why didn't he kill those two women at the museum? They both got a good look at him. Maybe he's trying to stop. Engine Starts Mr. Crawford, all you've got's a hunch. I've got 382 employees, and they've got a union. I can't just turn you guys loose in their files, not without a court order. There are privacy issues here, the company's exposure... One of those employees has already killed 11 people that we know of. If he gets away tonight, what's the company's exposure on that? Let me get our lawyers. You guys can work something out. - We don't have time for that. - Graham Listen to me. We're looking for a white male, 25 to 35. He's right-handed. He has own hair. Listen, please. This guy's very strong. He's possibly a bodybuilder. He might have some kind of facial disfigurement. He drives a van or a panel truck. - That sounds like Mr. D. - Oh, my God. - Who's Mr. D.? - That's Francis Dolarhyde. He's our manager of technical services. - What does he do exactly? - He maintains the equipment for tape transfers. Would he have access to people's home videotapes? He has access to every tape that comes through here. Thanks for dinner, Ralph, and thanks for letting me vent. Hey, look, no problemo. Reba, listen. I know it's not my place to say this. Go on. Well, if Dolarhyde is really as moody as you say he is, maybe you ought to keep a little distance. I mean, what do you really know about the guy? I appreciate your concern, Ralph, really. And I promise I'll give it some thought. Hey, have a great vacation. Thanks. See you in a week. Good night. I had a great time. Good night. Good night. Lock Turns Doorbell Chimes Ralph, just 'cause I'm feeling vulnerable... Reba? Wake up. You wandered around in the house... while I was asleep, didn't you? What? The other night, did you find something odd? Did you take it and show it to somebody? Did you do that? D.? What is it? What's happening? Shh! Sit still or he'll hear us. Who will? He's upstairs. He... He wants you, Reba. I thought he was gone, but now he's back. D., you're scaring me. Shh! Shh. I didn't want to give you to him. I did a thing for you today so he couldn't have you. I was wrong. You made me weak. And then you hurt me. Sirens Wailing No. No, you can't have her! D., please don't let him have me. You won't. I'm for you. You like me. I know you like me. Take me with you. Take you with me? Yes. Put out your hand. Feel this. That's a shotgun, Reba. A 12-gauge magnum. Do you know what it'll do? Whimpers I wish I could have trusted you. I wanted to trust you. You felt so good. So did you, D. Crying Please don't hurt me now. It's all over for me. Reba Gasping - Where are you, D.? - I can't leave you to him. Do you know what he'll do? He'll fight you to death. He'll hurt you so bad. I can't let that happen. It's better if you go with me. Yes! God, get us out of here! - I'll shoot you and then myself. - Oh, D., no. Please. - I have to shoot you. - No! Oh, Reba. I can't do it. I can't do it.! Cocks Shotgun D.! Shotgun Blast Gasping Coughing Screaming Clock Chiming Three steps to the clock. From the clock to the door, nine more. Oh, God. Oh, God. - Sirens Wailing - What is that? What the hell is that? That's the place. Oh... Goddamn it! All units, that's his house burning. F.B.I.! Francis Dolarhyde! Francis Dolarhyde, where is he? He's in there. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. You know that? He shot himself in the face. I put my hand on it. He set fire to the house. He was on the floor... Coughing Crawford Will, you all right? Graham All right, that's all I need. But if it's all right, I'd like to come back again before I leave to see how you're doing. Sure. Why not? Who could resist a charmer like me? You know, whatever part of him was still human... was only kept alive because of you. You probably saved some lives. You didn't draw a freak, okay? You drew a man with a freak on his back. I should have known. Oh, no, sometimes you don't. Trust me. I... I've been there myself. Crying Listen to me. There was plenty wrong with Dolarhyde, but there's nothing wrong with you, except your hair. Laughs Your hair is a train wreck. Can we please do something about that for next time maybe? Please? That would be nice. Thank you. Just get some rest. You're gonna be fine. We found this in his safe. Thought you might wanna take the first look. You've earned it. Yeah. Graham When I read his journal, it was sad. It was just so sad. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. He wasn't... born a monster. This guy was made one through years and years of abuse. Hey. Hey, Dad. Can we make s'mores? Some mores? Yeah, s'mores. Yeah. Yeah, you're on. All right. Go look in the pantry. Okay. Phone Ringing Crawford. Jack, those remains you found in the rubble, they're not Dolarhyde's. What are you talking about? His goddamned dentures were there. - But not his bones. Wrong D.N.A. - Then whose are they? St. Louis P.D. is looking for a Chromalux employee named Ralph Mandy. He was supposed to be on vacation, so nobody missed him for a week. Chuckles What is taking him so long? Are you kidding? It takes him 20 minutes to get out of bed in the morning. Yeah, but now I have a serious marshmallow jones. Chuckles Hey, Josh, what are you doing? Phone Rings Molly On Answering Machine We can't get to the phone, but you know the deal. Wait for the beep. Crawford On Machine Will, it's Jack. It's Dolarhyde, Will. He's still alive. We're scrambling everything that will roll or fly, but it's gonna take time to get them out there. Will? Christ.! Will, where are you? Floorboards Creaking Drop it. - Do it now, gumshoe. - Whimpers Your son is about to change. Then your wife. You can watch. Then I'll take care of you. Look at you. I've never seen a child as disgusting as you. You pissed your pants? How dare you? - Crying - You dirty little beast. You want me to cut it off? Is that what you want me to do, you little freak? Do you? Don't cry at me, you little faggot.! Apologize.! Say, I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm a dirty little beast. I'm a freak. - Say it.! - No. - Say it! - Daddy... Say it, or I will cut it off! I'm a dirty little beast... freak, hair lip... and no one will ever love me. Run! Run! Groans Screams Get down! Locking Door You okay? Grunting - Molly Josh? - Mom? - Shh, shh. - Will? Where are you guys? I thought I heard some kind of... Panting - Will? - Molly, get down! Will! Molly. Molly. Shoot... What? Groaning Shoot him. Shoot him. Josh Mommy. Sobbing Mommy. Sirens Wailing In Distance Lecter's Voice My dear Will... You must be healed by now, on the outside at least. I hope you're not too ugly. What a collection of scars you have. Never forget who gave you the best of them, and be grateful. Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real. We live in a primitive time, don't we, Will? Neither savage nor wise. Half measures are the curse of it. Any rational society would either kill me or put me to some use. Do you dream much, Will? I think of you often. Your old friend, Hannibal Lecter. Chilton Hannibal, there's someone here to see you. Wants to ask you a few questions. I said you'd probably refuse. A young woman. Says she's from the F.B.I. Though she's far too pretty if you ask me. I'll tell her you said no. What is her name?

We've become bored with watching actors give us phoney emotions. We're tired of pyrotechnics and special effects. While the world he inhabits is, in some respects, counterfeit, - - there's nothing fake about Truman himself. No scripts, no cue cards. lt isn't always Shakespeare, but it's genuine. lt's a life. l'm not gonna make it. You're gonna have to go on without me. No way, mister. You're going to the top of this mountain, oken legs and all. Many viewers leave him on all night, for comfort. You're crazy, you know that? For me there's no difference between private life and public life. My life is The Truman Show. The Truman Show is a lifestyle. lt's a noble life. lt is ... a truly blessed life. Tell me something l don't know. All right. Promise me one thing, though. lf l die before the summit, use me as an alternative source of food. You're gross. lt's all real. Nothing you see on the show is fake. lt's merely controlled. Eat me, dammit. That's an order. Maybe just your love handles. l have love handles? Yeah, little ones. - Truman, you're gonna be late. - Okay! - Good morning! - Good morning! And in case l don't see you, good afternoon and good night. - Morning, Truman. - Morning, Spencer. Hey, Pluto. - He won't hurt you. - l know. lt's just me. Come on, Pluto. What is it? An aircraft began shedding parts as it flew over Seahaven - - a few moments ago. Luckily, no one was hurt. How do you feel today .. ? That's good. - Thinking offlying somewhere? - Nope. This is classical Klyne. Forget about the perils offlying - - and let this music calm you down. ''Dog Fancy'', please. Thank you very much. Get me a paper, will you, Errol? And one of these for the wife. Loves her fashion mags. - That be all for you, Truman? - That's the whole kit and caboodle. - Hank! - Good morning, Truman. Good morning, Truman. Beautiful day, isn't it? - How's your lovely wife? - Good. Yours? Couldn't be better. - Nice talking to you. - You too. Think about that policy. Two for one. That's a good deal. Doppelgänger special. Hey, fellas. Going in? Go ahead. - Go ahead. - l'm not that anxious to get there. Could l have directory assistance for Fiji, please? Fiji lslands. Truman, did you see this? l'm sorry, ma'am. lf he's in a coma he's probably uninsurable. Yes, Fiji. Do you have a listing for Lauren Garland? Nothing listed ... Do you have a Sylvia Garland? S for Sylvia. Nothing ... Okay, thank you. - Lawrence. - l've got a prospect in Wells Park. Wells Park? On ... Harbour lsland? - You know another one? - l can't. l have an appointment. Dentist, or ... yeah. You'll lose more than your teeth if you don't meet your quota. They're making cutbacks at the end of this month. You need this. Besides, a half hour across the bay will do you good. Thanks. Hello. Ferry's still here, huh? Thought l might have missed it. - One way or return? - Return. There you go, sir. - Do you need any help, sir? - You go ahead, l'll be fine. Hi, honey. Look what l got free at the checkout. lt's a ''Chef's Pal''. lt's a dicer, grater, peeler, all in one. No sharpening, dishwater-safe. Wow ... that's amazing. Truman ... you missed a spot. That is a beer. - l'm thinking about getting out. - Yeah? Out of what? Out of my job. Out of Seahaven. Off this island. Out. What the hell's wrong with your job? You've got a great job. A desk job. l'd kill for a desk job. You should try stocking vending machines. Now there's excitement. - Don't you ever get antsy? - Where's there to go? - Fiji. - Where's Fiji? Near Florida? See here? This is us ... And all the way around here ... Fiji. You can't get any further away before you start coming back. There's still islands in Fiji where no human being has ever set foot. So when are you gonna go? lt's not that simple. lt takes money, planning ... - You can't just up and go. - Right. l'm gonna do it, don't worry about that. Bonus time is just around the corner. - Are you coming for a drink? - No, l can't tonight. l don't like that weather, son. We should head back. Just a bit farther. Please? - Okay. - Yes! Daddy! You're soaked. Where have you been? - We can scrape together 8,000 ... - You and Marlon ... - We can bum around the world. - And then what? - You're talking like a teenager. - Maybe l feel like a teenager. We have mortgage payments. Do we just walk away from our obligations? - lt would be an adventure. - We were going to try for a baby. - lsn't that enough of an adventure? - That can wait. l want to get away. See some of the world. Explore! You want to be an explorer ... This will pass. We all think like this now and then. Let's get you out of these wet clothes. Come to bed. You never see anything. They always turn the camera and play music. The wind blows, the curtain moves. You don't see anything. ''Dog Fancy'', please. Thank you. Paper, Earl, please. l might as well get one of these. - For the wife? - She's got to have them. - Anything else, Truman? - That's the whole ball of wax. Dad? Hey, what are you doing? Get out of the way! Stop those people! Stop! Stop! Open the door! Somebody stop the bus! Stop the bus! Somebody stop it! Stop the bus! lt doesn't sound insane at all. l see him ten times a week. l almost hugged a perfect stranger in the salon ... lt was Dad. Dressed like a homeless man. And a businessman and a lady with a dog forced him onto a bus. lt's about time they cleaned up the trash downtown. They never found Dad's body. lf it wasn't him, it was his twin! Did Dad have a other? You know perfectly well that your father was an only child. Just like you. Sweetie ... You're just feeling bad because of what happened. You sailing off into that storm ... But l've never blamed you. And l don't blame you now. Truman ..? What are you doing down here? Fixing the mower. - l saw my father today. - l know. Your mother called. You shouldn't upset her like that. - What did you want? - l made macaroni. - l'm not hungry. - You know ... We ought to throw out that mower. Get one of those new Elk Rotaries. What's he doing? They got rid of her, but they couldn't erase the memory. - Are you okay? - Excuse me. Sorry l fell on you. l've been such a klutz all day. l must have sprained this ankle. - l'm so sorry to fall on you. - Don't worry about it. - l'm Meryl. - Hi, l'm Truman. - Truman, you've studied enough. - l've got to commit this to memory. Come on, an ice-cold ewsky. You're gonna have to copy off me, so be careful. You're a better person than l am. - See you later. - Bye. See you later, loser. Hi. - Konnichi-wa. - What? - You take Japanese. - Oh, yes ... Lauren, right? - lt's on the ... - Lauren, right. - l'm Truman Burbank. - Yeah, l know. - l'm not allowed to talk to you. - Really? - l'm a pretty dangerous character. - l'm sorry. lt's not up to me. Girls have got to be careful. - You have a boyfriend, right? - lt's not that. Was it Meryl, the girl l was with? We're not ... We're just friends. - lt's nothing like that. - lt's how l look? Not your type? No. l was wondering that myself. Would you maybe, possibly sometime go out for some pizza? - Like, Friday? Saturday? - l can't. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday? - We have finals tomorrow. - Yeah, l know. lf we don't go now, it won't happen. Do you understand? So what do you want to do? Please keep your hands inside the car! This is my favourite pizza place. Tony, one large, extra plankton! We have so little time. They'll be here any minute. - They don't want me talking to you. - Then don't talk. They're here. - What do they want? - Listen to me. Everybody knows everything you do. They're pretending. Understand? - My name's not Lauren, it's Sylvia. - Lauren, sweetheart, not again. - Who are you? - Her father. l've never seen him before. Truman, don't listen to him. Everything l've told you is the truth. lt's fake. lt's all for you. The sky and the sea. Everything is a set! Please, don't listen to him. He's gonna lie to you. - l want to know what's going on. - Schizophrenia. We've tried it all. Hypnotism, shock therapy ... Don't worry, you're not the first. - She ings all her boys down here. - Truman, he's lying! Get out of here. Come and find me. - l'll see you in school. - We're moving to Fiji. Sylvia! Hey! - Why didn't he just follow her? - His mother got really sick. He couldn't leave her. He's kind. Maybe he's too kind. l can't believe he married Meryl on the rebound. Come on, Sal. We've already got this on the greatest hits tape. Close, but no cigar. Another beautiful day in paradise. But don't forget to buckle up. He's heading west on Stuart. Stand by, all extras. He's turning onto Lancaster Square. My God, he nearly hit her! Something is wrong. Change frequencies. Sorry about that, folks. l guess we picked up a police frequency. lt's classical Klyne, and we've still got some great music ahead. But buckle up. Remember safety. A good driver is a safe driver. - Can l help? - l have an appointment. - What's happening? - Nothing. - Just tell me what's happening. - We're remodelling. - lt's none of your business. - Tell me, or l'll report you! You're trespassing. - Marlon! - Truman, what are you doing here? l've got to talk to you. l'm on to something big! - You look like shit. - l think l'm mixed up in something. A lot of strange things have been happening. The people on the elevator, there was no backing on it ... And the radio starts following me, talking about everything l'm doing. - This is one of your fantasies. - l think this is about my dad. l think he's alive. l'll tell you about it later. l'm being followed. Who? lt's hard to tell. They look like regular people. - How about those two? - Could be. lt's when l'm unpredictable. That's when they can't ... Anything happen ..? We have to get out of here. - You ready to go? - l can't. - You're gonna get us both fired. - Okay then, let's do it. Whatever you say, l'm game. Your birthday comes but once a year! Maybe l'm being set up for something. You ever think that your whole life has been building toward something? No. When you were hauling chickens, how far did you get off the island? l went all over. Never found a place like this, though. Look at that sunset. lt's perfect. That's the big guy. Quite a paint ush he's got. Just between you and me, Marlon ... - l'm going away for a while. - Really? Little Angel. My little clown ... Old carrot-top. The best photos ... - We should be getting you home. - Here's us at Mt. Rushmore. Do you remember, Truman? You slept the whole way there. - lt looks so small. - Things do, when you look back. Look, Truman. The happiest day of our lives. - Look! Jean, Jodie, Joanne ... - Doesn't she look beautiful? Well, she still does. There's room for baby photos. l want to hold a grandchild before l go. We really should get you home. No, you stay. Relax. - Your favourite show is coming on. - And we have something to discuss. - A certain person's birthday. - Oh, l see. There'll be another ''Lucy'' tomorrow. Now it's time for Golden Oldies. Tonight we present the classic: ''Show Me the Way to Go Home''. You don't have to leave home to discover what the world is about. We learn that no one is poor who has friends. Full oflaughter, love, pain, sadness, but ultimately, redemption. The cherry scene will have you splitting your sides with laughter. There'll be tears, too, when David and Jennifer are reunited. Let'sjoin the Abbotts in Camden Village. Thank you, Sweetie. l need to talk to you, but let's go outside. - l'd love to, but l'm really late. - What's your rush? There was that elevator disaster. lt was on the news. The cable just snapped. The elevator plummeted ten flights. Right next door to where you work. What if you had been in there? Anyway, l have an amputation on one of the women from the elevator. She's very young. lt's sad. Wish me luck. l'll cross my fingers for you. Excuse me. May l help you? l'm looking for my wife, Nurse Burbank. lt's very important. That's not possible. She's in pre-op. Sure ... Okay, fine. Can you pass along a message? l had to go to Fiji. l'll call when l get there. - When you get to Fiji? - You got it. - Fine. l'll tell her. - Thank you so much. Sorry. Let me help you with that. He's here. Scalpel. l'm now making my primary incision, - - just above the right knee. - Nicely done. - Unless you're family ... - lt's just a beautiful job. - l'll let someone else tidy up. - l'm sorry to keep you. - That's okay. - How can l help? - l'd like a flight to Fiji. - When would you like to leave? - Today. l'm sorry. l don't have anything for at least a month. lt's the busy season. Do you want to book the flight? l'll make other arrangements. Last call for Chicago! All aboard! Thank you. Windy City, here we come. Hi! Hello ... - Mom, isn't that you know you? - Face the front. Everybody off, we've got a problem. l'm sorry, son. - Wasn't his father from Chicago? - His father was from Des Moines. - Why does he want to go to Chicago? - He's not going anywhere. Truman? - Honey, are you okay? - Get in. - Truman ... - Look. l predict that, in just a moment, we'll see a lady on a red bike - - followed by a man with flowers and a Volkswagen with a dented fender. - Truman, please ... - Look! Lady ... Flowers ... - And ..? - And ... - Truman, this is silly. - There's the dented Beetle! Yes! You know how l did that? They're on a loop. They go around the block, they come back, they go around again. - l invited Marlon to barbecue ... - l won't be here. We need more charcoal. Are you listening to a word l'm saying? You're upset because you want to go to Fiji? Okay, go. l think you should save for a few months, and then go. l'm going to take a shower. Let's go now. l'm ready. Why wait? Early bird gathers no moss, rolling stone catches the worm. Truman, what are you doing? - Truman ... - Where shall we go? - Truman, where are we going? - l guess l'm being spontaneous. Somebody help me! l'm being spontaneous! Forget Fiji. We can't drive to Fiji, can we? - What about Atlantic City? - No, you hate to gamble. That's right, l do. But l never have. And that's why people go places. - l think l'm going to throw up. - Me, too. Blocked at every turn. Beautifully synchronised, don't you think? - You're blaming me for the traffic? - Should l? Truman, let's go home. You're right. We could be stuck here for hours. lt'll be like this all the way to Atlantic City. Let's go back. l'm sorry. l don't know what got into me. - Can you please slow down? - Yes, l can. - That's our turn-off. - l changed my mind. What's New Orleans like this time of year? Mardis Gras! Look, Meryl. Same road, no cars. lt's magic. Let me out. lf you want to destroy yourself, do it on your own. l think l'd like a little company. Oh, Truman ... You knew this would happen. You know you can't drive over water. Let's go home, where you'll feel safe. Give me your hand ... You drive!

We shouldn't be doing this. We're eaking the law! - Oh, my! - You can do it! You can make it! We're over! We're over the idge! - We're over the idge! - We're over! - What about that sign? - They exaggerate. We'll be fine. Do you believe that? Truman, we're on fire! - lt's just smoke. You okay? - Yes. - Wanna do it again? - No! Truman, stop! What do we do for money when we get to New Orleans? l have my Seahaven bank card. So we're just going to eat into our savings, is that it? l'll have to call your mother. l don't know how she'll take this. What now? - Looks like a leak at the plant. - Back up. Leak at the plant. The whole area is being evacuated. - Thank you for your help. - You're welcome, Truman. Truman ... Truman, come back! Stop him! Truman! Stay away! - Thank you both for your help. - Next time he'll be charged. l understand. Thanks again. Good night. Let me get you some help, Truman. You're not well. Why do you want to have a baby with me? You can't stand me. That's not true. l'll fix you some Mococoa. Natural cocoa beans from Mt. Nicaragua. - No artificial sweeteners. - What are you talking about? l've tasted other cocoas. This is the best. What the hell does this have to do with anything? - Tell me what's happening! - You're having a nervous eakdown. You're part of this, aren't you? Truman, you are scaring me. No, you're scaring me. What are you gonna do? Dice me, slice me or peel me? There's so many choices. Do something! What? What did you say? - Who are you talking to? - l didn't say anything. - l wasn't talking to anybody. - Talk to me! - l don't know anything! - Stay where you are. Truman ..? Thank God! How can anyone expect me to carry on under these conditions? lt's unprofessional! Everything's gonna be okay. lt's all gonna be fine. l don't know what to think, Marlon. Maybe l'm losing my mind. lt feels like the whole world revolves around me. That's a lot of world for one man. ls it wishful thinking? Wishing you'd made more out of yourself? Who hasn't sat in the john and had an imaginary interview on TV? This is different. Everybody seems to be in on it. l've been your best friend since we were seven. We got through school by cheating off each other's test papers. Jesus, they were identical. But l always felt safe knowing that. Because whatever the answer was, we were right or wrong together. l stayed up all night in your tent so you could play North Pole. And l got pneumonia. Remember that? You were out of school for a month. You're the closest thing l ever had to a other, Truman. Things haven't worked out for us like we used to dream they would. l know what that feeling's like. Everything slipping away ... You don't want to believe it, so you look for answers somewhere else. But the point is, l'd gladly walk in front of traffic for you. But the point is, l'd gladly step in front of traffic for you. And the last thing l'd ever do is lie to you. And the last thing that l would ever do ... is lie to you. l mean, think about it. lf everybody is in on it ... l'd have to be in on it, too. l'm not in on it, Truman, because there is no ''it''. - You were right about one thing. - What's that? The thing that started all this. l found him for you, Truman. That's why l came by tonight. l'm sure he's got quite a story to tell. Go to him. Easy on the fog. Stand by, crane-cam ... Crane-cam. Button-cam three. l never stopped believing. Go wide. Curb-cam eight. My son. - Move in for close-up? - No, no ... Stay back. Fade up music. Now go for the close-up. All those years wasted. l'll make it up to you, son. l swear. Dad ... Bravo! Congratulations. - Okay, quiet down. Concentrate. - That was great television. - Christof, it was illiant! - lt oke my heart. Well done! Congratulations! 1. 7 billion were there for his birth. 220 countries tuned in for his first step. The world stood still for that stolen kiss. And as he grew, so did the technology. A human life, - - recorded on a network of hidden cameras and oadcast live - - 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to an audience around the globe. From Seahaven, enclosed in the largest studio ever constructed, - - one of only two man-made structures visible from space, - - now in its 30th great year, it's The Truman Show! What a week! l was on pins and needles the entire time. l'm your host, Mike Michaelson. Welcome to Tru-Talk, our forum for issues growing out of the show. Tonight, something very special: An exclusive interview with the show's creator. Let's go live to the 221st floor of the Omni-Cam Ecosphere. There we'll find the world's greatest tele-visionary. The designer of the world within a world that is Christof. l'd like to thank you for granting this interview. We know your schedule is demanding, and how you guard your privacy. - This, sir, is indeed an honour. - Don't mention it. The catalyst for the recent dramatic events - - has been Truman's father, Kirk, and his attempt at infiltration. This is not the first time someone has tried to reach Truman, is it? We have had our close calls. lt's television! l did it! l'm on The Truman Show! But now, the first intruder to be a former cast member. - A dead one at that. - Writing Kirk back in, illiant. Kirk started this whole crisis. He was the only one who could end it. Truman, no! - That's off limits! - Why? What's over there? Nothing. lt's dangerous, that's all. You have to know your limitations. Let's remind viewers why Dad was written out in the first place. As Truman grew up, we manufactured ways to keep him on the island. - l'd like to be a great explorer. - There's nothing left to explore. - Then l thought up Kirk's drowning. - He's feared the water ever since. When Kirk read the synopsis, he was disappointed, to say the least. l'm sure that's why he oke onto the set. But how do you intend to explain his 22-year absence? - Amnesia. - Brilliant. Let's take some viewer calls. North Carolina, you're on with Christof. Hi, Christof. l was wondering how many cameras you got in that town. Somewhere in the vicinity of 5,000. Remember, we started withjust one. He was two weeks premature, as if he couldn't wait to get started. And his eagerness to leave the womb was the reason he was selected. ln competition with five other unwanted pregnancies - - for a show determined by an air date, only Truman arrived on cue. l believe Truman is the first child to be adopted by a corporation. - That's correct. - The show's made enormous revenue. Equivalent to the GNP of a small country. lt takes the population of an entire country to keep it running. Since it's on 24 hours, revenues are generated by product placement. Everything on the show is for sale, down to the very homes they live in. All ofit in the Truman catalogue. Operators are standing by. Christof, why has Truman never come close to discovering - - the true nature ofhis world until now? We accept the reality of the world with which we're presented. The Hague for Christof. Hello. The Hague ... All right, let's go to Hollywood, California. You're a liar and a manipulator, and what you've done to Truman is sick. Well, we remember this voice, don't we? How could we forget? - Let's go to another call. - No, no. lt's fine, Mike. l love to reminisce with former members of the cast. Sylvia, as you announced so melodramatically to the world ... Do you think because you batted your eyes at Truman once, - - flirted with him, stole a few minutes of air time - - to thrust your politics into the limelight, that you know him? That you know what's right for him? Are you in a position tojudge him? What right do you have to turn a baby's life into a mockery? Don't you ever feel guilty? l have given Truman the chance to lead a normal life. The world, the place you live in, - - is the sick place. Seahaven is the way the world should be. - He's a prisoner, not a performer. - He can leave at any time. lfhis was more than a vague ambition, ifhe was determined - - to discover the truth, there's no way we could prevent him. l think what distresses you, really, caller, - - is that, ultimately, Truman prefers his cell, as you call it. That's where you're so wrong. And he'll prove you wrong. These heated comments aside, it's been a very positive experience. For Truman and for the viewers. Thank you for your time. Now that this crisis is behind us, - - can we look forward to some exciting new developments? The big news is: Meryl will leave Truman in an upcoming episode. A new romantic interest will be introduced. l'm determined that TV's first on-air conception will take place. Another television milestone. lt has been a singular honour and a pleasure. Christof, thank you. Hey, Simeon. - ls he looking at us? - You think he knows? - Hello ... - Better call Christof. Come in, Major Burbank. He's back to his old self. That's an unusual cat, my man. l hereby proclaim this planet ... ... Trumania of the Burbank galaxy. - ls he gonna go? - Hallway camera ready. - That one's for free. - Stand by, all house cameras. - Good morning. - Good morning. - ln case l don't see you ... - ... good afternoon and good night. Good afternoon, good night ... - Morning, Truman. How's it going? - l'll check. Vital signs are good. Hey, Pluto! - Good morning! - Look who's here. Beautiful day, isn't it? We thought about the policy, and we'll take it. Great! Let's go up to my office and sign the papers. - Next week would be better. - l knew it. See you guys. - See you next week. - Looking forward to it! This isn't about insurance. This is about the great variable. When will death occur? Could be a week, a month, a year ... Could be today. lnnocent sunbather, stabbed by the tip of a runaway beach um ella. No way to guard against that. - Excuse me. - Truman, this is Vivian. The two of you are going to be neighbours. l guess what l'm saying is that life is ... fragile. - Vivian, your office. - Sorry. l'm sorry ... You do? Oh, great. Let me take your information. Ready, two. Go to two. Back to medium ... and wide. l was just trying to train the kid to ... never mind. - What's he doing in the basement? - He moved in there when Meryl left. Why wasn't l told? Unpredictable behaviour has to be reported. - He's just sleeping. l thought ... - This is the best shot we've got? - What's on the clock-cam? - Obstruction. - What happened? - He was tidying up his garbage. l was gonna call you, but he gave up and fell asleep. - l want to check the set-ups ... - ... for the insurance convention. Nice move. There you go. lsolate the audio. Give me a close-up on his torso. Still eathing. Where's Chloe? Call him. Tell him it's a wrong number. - What took you so long? - l had to wait for it. - They were busy. What's going on? - l don't know. - He did nothing but stand around. - Shut up and watch. Then we went to night vision. He's asleep. There! Stop it. Zoom in under the chair. - Enhance it. - ls it ..? My God ... - He didn't go up the stairs. - Get Marlon over there! Truman ... Surprise party! l got a six-pack of cold ewskies with our name on them. Come on, pal. Come on, buddy. Shit! Marlon, find him. He's still in the room. - Come out, wherever you are. - Good. Keep it light. l know you're in here. Check under the table. The closet, behind you. Gee, l wonder where he could possibly be. Lawn-cam! - Say something. Keep it going. - He's gone. - Cut transmission! - Cut transmission? - God in heaven! - Give me the phone! We've got every available extra looking for him. The crew, too. - What about prop cars? - Accounted for. He has the world's most recognisable face, he can't disappear. Go find him, Pluto. Good dog. All this fuss! lf he could just hear my voice. Truman! Truman! Let me try. Truman! lt's me, Dad! Let's talk! Yeah, l know. We're just about done with the square. We've got to go back to Barrymore, check the interiors. Who's watching the college? Send someone over there. - Take another man, get down there. - Find the son of a bitch! Get some batteries. He's not gonna glow in the dark. We need more light. We'll never find him this way. - What time is it? - lt's way too early for that. Cue the sun. What time is it? Christof, what's going on? There's rumours that he's dead. The media's having a feeding frenzy. Every network has a pirated shot of Marlon making an ass of himself. - The sponsors are threatening us. - We're getting our highest ratings. - No sign ofhim. - Go back to town, join the others. Everyone else at first positions. Everyone is at first positions? He's got to be there somewhere. - We're not watching the sea. - Why would we watch the sea? - Sweep the harbour. - Bring up the harbour cameras. - Aren't some of those out? - Yeah, but we have the lighthouse. All buoy-cams, please. - Long lens, short-base cameras. - Why are we looking at the water? Truman, where are you going? - Sailing? He's afraid of the water. - Resume transmission. l got 2-1 he doesn't make it. Just leave them in the car. Get off this mast-cam. You can't see his face. Go to the cabin-cam. Perfect. That's our hero shot. - Let's get another boat out there. - l need to talk to the ferry guys. Come on, get it moving! - l'm just the bus driver. - They can't sail. They're actors! How do we stop him? Okay ... We're going to access the weather programme now. So hold on to your hats. You got that? No, l think we'll want to localise the storm over the boat. Get the co-ordinates. - There's no rescue boat. - He'll turn back. He'll be afraid. There she blows. Come on. Give me some lightning. Hit him again! - He can't die on television! - He was born on television. Hold on! ls that the best you can do? You're gonna have to kill me! What should we do with a drunken sailor ... - l demand you cease transmission. - Keep running. lncrease the wind! - For the last time ... - Capsize him, tip him over. - He's tied himself to the boat! - He'll drown, and he doesn't care. Do it ... Do it! That's enough. l want to talk to him. Truman ... You can speak. l can hear you. - Who are you? - l'm the creator of a TV show. lt gives hope and inspiration to millions. - Then who am l? - You're the star. - Was nothing real? - You were real. That's what made you so good to watch. Listen, Truman. There's no more truth out there than in the world l created for you. The same lies, the same deceit. But in my world, you have nothing to fear. - l know you better than you do. - You never had a camera in my head. You're afraid. That's why you can't leave. lt's okay, Truman. l understand. l have been watching you your whole life. l was watching when you were born. l was watching when you took your first step. l watched you on your first day ofschool. The episode when you lost your first tooth. You can't leave, Truman. - Please, God. - You belong here. You can do it. With me. Talk to me. Say something. Say something, damn it! You're on TV. You're live to the world! ln case l don't see you, good afternoon and good night. He made it! All right, Truman! Cease transmission. - You want another slice? - No. Let's see what else is on.

I got it! I got it! I got it! Dinghy ahoy. Dinghy off the port bow. - Dinghy off the port bow! - Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. - Captain, dinghy off the... - Dinghy. I got it! I got it. Where is it? It's right here, captain. I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea? Absorbent and yellow And porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants If nautical nonsense Be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... ...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery The Krusty Krab restaurant, where... - Back up. Back up. - Hey. Wait a minute. - What is happening? - Please, settle down. We've got a situation in there I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here. Look, there he is. Talk to me, Krabs. It started out as a simple order: A Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! Get ahold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine. - I'm really scared here, man. - You got a name? - Phil. - You got a family, Phil? Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family. I got a wife and two beautiful children. That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil. What? Say cheese. Order up. Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm ready. Promotion. Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. SpongeBob! What are you doing in here? I have to tell you something, Squidward. Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work? - There's no shower at work. - What do you want? I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today. Get out! Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. Oops. Hold on. - Congratulations, buddy. - Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple. I love being purple! We're going to the place where all the action is. - You don't mean...? - Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. I'm a Goofy Goober Yeah Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab 2. First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. Hello. I like money. What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original? Money. Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors. Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet... ...from A to Y. - A to Y? Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet. What about Z? - Z? - Z. The letter after Y. W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! - Here it is, just like you said. - Oh, boy. It's evil. It's diabolical. It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. I think I stepped in something. Not in something, on someone, you twit. Sorry, Plankton. Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony? No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world! Well, good luck with that. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Stupid kid. Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2. - We paid $9 for this? - I paid 10. Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager. Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah! Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee. Yes. The obvious choice for the job. He's right. A name you all know. It starts with an S. - That's me. - Please welcome our new manager... ...Squidward Tentacles. Yes! Yeah! Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right! People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of... SpongeBob. Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. I'm making a complete what of myself? The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone? Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job. - What? - You did not get the job. But... But why? SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it, he's more... ...mature than you. - I'm not... ...mature? Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... Now, let's see... - Dork? - No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork. - A goofball? - Closer, but no, no, no. - A ding-a-ling. - Wing nut. A Knucklehead McSpazatron. Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd call it kid-ager. You understand-ager? I mean, you understand? I guess so, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob? I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression. Poor kid. Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob! Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt? Later that evening... Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown. - Yes, but... - But what? But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher. Well, then I guess I can't execute you. - Twenty years in the dungeon it is. - Daddy. You're free to go. Bless you, Princess Mindy. Mindy, how dare you defy me. Why do you have to be so mean? I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea. Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments. That would be nice. Squire, clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone. What is this, Mindy? - Your crown? - And what does this crown do? - Covers your bald spot. - It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown. I'm gonna be bald? Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. Dad, your crown... What the...? My crown! Someone has stolen the royal crown! I got it. I got it. Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober. Howdy, Goofy Goober! Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad. Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager. Wow, the pressure's already setting in. No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion. What? Why? Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid. - What? That's insane. - I know. Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid. - Here's your Goober Meal, sir. - I'm supposed to get a toy with this. Thanks. I'm gonna head home, Pat. The cele ation's off. - Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. Okay, see you. And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those. Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here. There you go. Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. - I'm feeling better already. - Yeah. Waiter, let's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. Waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Waiter. - Waiter! - Why do I always get the nuts? All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called... ...Waiter! Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal. Oh, my head. Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going. My friend? Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be... Mr. Krabs. Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. Yawn. What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime. He's got money. Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take long. Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting. Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. - Squire. - Yes, Your Highness. Have this pole executed at once. A hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty? With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese. Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once. I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something? Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny. For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs. Relinquish the royal crown to me at once. But... But this is crazy. I didn't do it. Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message. Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City, and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye. Don't you just hate wrong numbers? My crown is in the forbidden Shell City?! Plan Z. I love Plan Z. Prepare to burn, Krabs. Wait, Neptune. Please, I'm begging you. I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me. Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs? I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. - Pardon me, miss. - Please, tell King Neptune all about me. I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and always thought he was a great boss. You see? A great boss. I now realize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. Well, I am 100-percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There. I think I made my point. Anyone else? No? Well, then. Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! Oh, yeah. And now, Eugene Krabs, you will... Wait. I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over. Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. - That's why he must die. - Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown? You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And between you and me... ...my hair is thinning a bit. Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Bald. Bald. - Bald! Bald! - Bald! Bald! My eyes! All right, all right. King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back? You, go to Shell City? No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. But I'm not a kid. I can do it. Run along, I have a crab to cook. No! I won't let you. Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both. Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone? Mindy. I told you to stay in the carriage. Where's your love and compassion? Look at this little guy. He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss. - But, daughter, I... - Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem? - Bald! Bald! Bald! - Bald! - Bald! Bald! - My eyes! All right. Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days. - He can do it in nine. - Eight. - Seven. - Six. - Patrick! - Patrick! Six it is, then. - Five. - Patrick, shush. Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands. No, wait. I'm begging you. Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible. Who's gonna sign my paycheck? Come along, Mindy. Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again. She's purty, SpongeBob. Here, take this. What's in here? It's a magical bag of winds. - I stole them from my father. - You're hot. Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home. - Mindy! - I'm coming. - Good luck, SpongeBob. - Wait. How did you know my name? Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures. What's my name? That's easy. You're Patrick Star. - Mindy! - I gotta go. I believe in you guys. Thanks, Mindy. Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I... Pass. - Patrick and I... - Hi. ...are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. Patrick, let's go get that crown. - Feast your eyes, Patrick. - What is it? The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled-leather interior. And under the hood, a fuel-injected french-fryer with dual overhead grease traps. - Wow. - Yeah, wow. Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license. You don't need a license to drive a sandwich. - Shell City, here we come! - Shell City, here we come! Ding-a-ling. Hey there, old buddy. Freeze. One secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... ...over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I love you. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah Fill her up, please. What'll it be, fellas, mustard or ketchup? Are they laughing at us? No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us. Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway? - Kids? - Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City. - Shell City? - Shell City? Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops? That's right. Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! You two dipsticks ain't gonna last ten seconds over the county line. Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. Out of the car, fellas. How many seconds was that? Twelve. - In your face. - In your face. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Who's the kid now? They're dead. Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. Step right up. Plenty for everybody. Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. - Can I get a minute? - Anything for you, Perch. All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty? Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune... I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket, he said. Don't let the flame die out. By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. - Thanks. - Bucket helmets for everyone! My helmet! Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife. I never agreed. Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now. Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator. Sesame seed. Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gallons? - Going on. - Yeah. Yeah. - Moving on. - Just keep going. Yup. Gonna get that crown. Oh, yeah. - All right. - All right. Yeah. Victory. - Are we there yet? - We must be close by now. Patrick, look. We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away. By car. I wish we still had our car. SpongeBob, look. Our car! - The key. - Where do you think it is? There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it? I know. Walk in and ask him for it. What are you looking at? - Patrick, that's a terrible idea. - Sorry. I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key. Wait. I wanna do the distraction. Okay. I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction. You see me walking back...? Can I have everybody's attention? I have to use the bathroom. It's right over there. Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. Patrick. You call that a distraction? Well, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. Patrick, check it out. - Hooray! - Hooray! - Bubble party! - Bubble party! Hey! Who blew this bubble? You all know the rules! All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar. That's right! So who blew it? So nobody knows. - Maybe it was... - Shut up! Somebody in here ain't a real man. You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody line up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing along to this. SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song. I know. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah - It was you! You're the baby! - No, no! I only coughed, I swear. DJ! Turn it up louder! Don't sing along, Patrick. I'm trying. Trying so hard. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it? - It was him. - It was him. - He did it. - He did it. I've never even eaten at... Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby. Man, that was a close call. Guess what I got. The key! Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. Morning. Some people have no taste in headgear. Babies too? Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear? Who said that? Down here. Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty. Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With? So you're selling Krabby Patties, Plankton? That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one? No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio. - And what's that supposed to mean? - It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune! We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips. Now activating helmet ain- control devices. What? All hail Plankton. - What's going on here? - All hail Plankton. Seize him, slaves! All hail Plankton. I'm getting out of here! All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Who can stop me now? Who? - Come on, Pat, one more time. - Okay. We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Weed them out. What a jerk. The road's getting kind of bumpy here. You know, SpongeBob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this. What's that, Patrick? A bubble-blowing double baby doesn't belong out here in man's country. Yeah. Wait. We blew that bubble. Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby? Hey, look, free ice cream! Oh, boy! How you doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. SpongeBob! Yeah? Make mine a chocolate! Got you covered. Two, please. Certainly. You kids enjoy. Actually, we're men, lady, but thanks. Okay, Patrick, let's... You can let go now. I said, let go, please. What is this? What kind of old lady are you? Did you get the ice cream? Step on it, Patrick! Hey! You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles. All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied... - In bar... - Bar... Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers. Jump for it, Patrick! Well, we lost our car again. Never mind the car, where's the road? Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. R... Sorry. There's the road. On the other side of this... ...deep, dark... ...dangerous... - Hazardous. ... hazardous... Monster-infested. Yeah, monster-infested... ...trench. Hey, SpongeBob, look! Here's the way down. Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to Shell City. Hey, look, it's making noise. SpongeBob? - Hey, where are you going? - I'm going home, Patrick. But what about Mr. Krabs? What about us? We'll never survive in that trench! You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just... ...kids. - We're not kids. Open your eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here! We do not worship him. You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. What do you call that? Worship? You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids. Pull your pants up, Patrick. - We're going home. - But you can't go home. Mindy! Mindy? - How much did you hear? - I heard enough. - Did you see my underwear? - No, Patrick. Did you want to? Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown. What do you mean, the only ones left? Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. Or should I say Planktopolis. All hail Plankton. No resting! This monument cele ating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster! Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look! Plankton's turned everyone we know into slaves. Squidward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. Even Gary. Plankton. Can't your father do something? My father's too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. Squire, will you hurry. So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands. - But... But we're just... - Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. And what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids rule! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta believe in yourself. You just gotta believe! - I believe. - That's the spirit. I believe that everybody I know is a goner! Come on, guys. Guys. Guys? Guys? Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. Yup, I guess you're right. A couple of kids could never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'll just have to turn you into men. You can do that? How? With my mermaid magic. Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men! Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes. - Are we men yet? - Not yet. Spin around three times. I think it's working. Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. With my mermaid's magic and my one tailfin, I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes. I don't feel any... Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache! So do you! So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? - Guys. - Yeah? I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? Heck, yeah! - Are men afraid of anything? - Heck, no! And why? Because we're invincible! - Yeah! - Yeah! I never said that. - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. - Patrick? - Yeah, buddy? Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs? Bec... Well... - Patrick. - Are we dead? No. Far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The mustaches worked! Do you know what that means? We are invincible! Now that we're men We can do anything Now that we're men We are invincible Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs Now that we're men We have facial hair Now that we're men I change my underwear Now that we're men We've got a manly flair We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day We never had a chance when we were kids No! No! No! But take a look at what the mermaid did Yeah, go, Pat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go, SpongeBob. Hooray! Now that they're men We can't bother them Now that they're men They have become our friends Now that they're men There'll be a happy end They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown They'll pass the test And finish the quest They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown Shell City, dead ahead. We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. Not you guys. You guys are awesome! Well, Patrick, we should be there in one more verse. - Now that we're men... - Finally. I got you right where I want you. Can I help you with something, sir? Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you. You're gonna exterminate us? Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches. You mean these? I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. They were fake? Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. - Is he a mermaid? - All right. Enough gab. What are you gonna do to us? Plankton was very specific. Plankton? For some reason, he wanted me to step on you. Step on us? Yeah! That way you'll never find out that he stole the crown! Perhaps I've said too much. That's a big boot. Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot. I love this job! - Bigger boot! - Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives. Thank you, stranger. Stranger? It's the Cyclops! Help us! Help us! Save us, someone! Are we dead? I don't think so. Artificially colored rocks? I don't know where we are. What is this? It's some kind of wall of psychic energy. No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl. Hey, there's some fish folk. - Hey, over here! - Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! - You guys, hey! Help! - Hey! Help! - A little help here! We're stuck in this... - Help us out of the tank! Wait a second. Those fish are dead. What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no, he's going for his evil instruments of torture. Glue? Google eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of... ...Alexander Clam Bell? Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks. And I think we're next. - You think so? - Patrick! No! The heat is so intense from this lamp that I can't move. Tell me about it. This doesn't look too good, Patrick. You mean we're not gonna Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs? I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy. - Thanks. - Don't mention it. Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick. You mean that we're attractive? No, that we're just kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed. Shell City. Yeah, we never made it to Shell City. Shell City. Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to. Shell City. Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick. No, look at the sign. Shell City. Marine gifts and sundries. Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...? - Crown. - Crown. Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did all right for a couple of goofballs. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you. Shut up and look at the screen. The bird's right. Look. It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers. Hey, we're alive. - Let's get that crown. - Right. On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. Hey, it's lighter than I thought. What's happening? I don't know. Look! Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. - Do you still have that bag of winds? - I sure do. Here you go. What? Nothing. Nothing. Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here, Step one: Point bag away from home. - Okay. - Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. - Right. - Step three: Remove string from bag, releasing the winds. Check. Well, that seems simple enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds. All right, let's do it for real. SpongeBob? - No, no, stop! - I was bad, I'm sorry! - Please, bag. - I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake! Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now? I can take you there. - Who are you? - I'm David Hasselhoff. - Hooray! - Hooray! So where's your boat? Boat? - Go, Hasselhoff. - Next stop, Bikini Bottom. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Well, Krabs, you know what today is? Sorry about this, calendar. March 14. Wait, that's not right. It should say The day that Krabs fries. Guess who's here. Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now. Unidentified object off the hindquarters. It looks like... ...bigger boot. But how? Dennis! Did you miss me? This is the best seat in the house. All right, Neptune, let's get it on. Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die. Please, I didn't do it. There is nothing else I can do. You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time. Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time... What? Mindy, will you butt out. I won't have you stalling this execution. Stalling? I'm not stalling anything. - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You're doing it right now. - I'm stalling. - Yes. - Stalling? - Stalling! - Stalling. - Stalling! Oh, boy. Now, where were we? - Patrick, run. - No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop... Run, SpongeBob! Take it easy back there, fellas. SpongeBob, be careful. Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man. Never! Yeah! I did it! You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you. I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. It's gonna take a lot more than 5... - What is this? - That, sir, is five Goober dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober... I got bubbles. Fun at parties. My eyes. I got you, SpongeBob. Thanks, buddy. Thanks a lot. That's it. I'm through messing around. See you later, fools. See you. So you think... ...I'm... ...stalling. Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage until the execution is done. - But, Daddy... - Now! No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry. Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below. But we'll never be able to float down in time. Who said anything about floating? - Initiating launch sequence. - What the...? - Did you see that? - The control. All hands on deck. Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight... Eugene Krabs, the time has come... - No. - Yes. ...six, five... ...for you... - No. - Yes. ...three, two... ...to fry. - No. - Yes. - ... one. No! You done good, Hasselhoff. You done... Hooray! We made it. We made it. My crown. My beautiful crown! SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it. Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob. Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton. Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my um ella! Um ella? Daddy, no. Daddy, yes. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. SpongeBob, what happened? - Plankton cheated. - Cheated? Hold on there, baldy. Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool. And you know why? Because you cheated? No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid. I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid. Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill. And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, 27-and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are. - That's right. Okay, Neptune... - And no amount of mermaid magic... ...or managerial promotion... ...or some other third thing... ...can make me anything more than what I really am inside: - A kid. - That's great. - Now, get back against the wall. - But that's okay. - What? What's going on? - Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do. I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I ought the crown back. - All right, we get the point. - So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm also a goofball. And a wing nut. And a Knucklehead McSpazatron! - What's going on here? - But most of all, I'm... - Okay, settle down. Take it easy. - I'm... I'm... What the scallop?! I'm a Goofy Goober You're a Goofy Goober We're all Goofy Goobers Goofy, goofy, goober, goober Put your toys away Well, all I gotta say When you tell me not to play I say no way - No way! - No, no freaking way I'm a kid, you say When you say I'm a kid I say, Say it again And then I say thanks - Thanks! - Thank you very much So if you're thinking That you'd like to be like me Go ahead and try The kid inside will set you free I'm a Goofy Goober What's happening? His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in control. - Seize him! - All hail Plankton. I'm free. I've been freed! What? No! My precious helmets! His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something. Karen? All right, that's the last straw. Neptune, I command you to... - Here you go, Daddy. - I better get out of here. Look, it's the wizard who saved us. Out of my way, fools. Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the big monuments... Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I will destroy all of you! Well, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirable trait. Without it, I would have never again seen my beloved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruler of the sea one day. - Now, let's go home. - Daddy, haven't you forgotten something? What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. What the...? I guess I had it set to real boy ending. Oh, I'm sorry for falsely freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very lucky fellow to have in your employ such a ave, faithful and heroic young lad. - Where is he, anyway? - I'm up here. I'm on it. Go to him now, Krabs. Em ace him. SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again. Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done six days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please. I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin. I couldn't agree more, sir. Hooray for SpongeBob! Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it. I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along. Are you crazy? I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my life! You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist. Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave. What? Say that again, if you dare. You folks have to leave. Okay.

23.976 Are you Henry? Yes. Girl named Marry called on the pay-phone. Said she's set her parents and you're invited to dinner. Oh, yeah? Thank you very much. You're late, Henry. I didn't know if you wanted me to come or not. Where have you been? You never come around anymore. Dinner's almost ready. Come on in. Hello there. Hello. I'm very pleased to meet you. Sit down. It's Henry. isn't it? Yes. Marry tells me you're a very nice fellow. What do you do? I-I am on vacation. What did you do? Oh, I'm sorry. I work in the Lapell's factory. I am a printer. Henry is very clever in printing. Yes, he sounds very clever. I thought I heard a stranger. We've got chicken tonight. Strangest damn things, they're man-made. Little damn things, smaller than my fist. But they're new. I'm Bill. - Hello, I'm Henry. - Henry is at Lapell's factory. Print is your business, ha? Plumbing is mine. 30 years. I've seen has never had changed for patching to the hell how it is now! I put every damn pipe in this neighborhood. - Dad! - Bill! Pipes ain't growing alone. I make sure they don't. Look at my knees. - Look at my knees! - Bill! - Are you hungry? - Bill! The girls had heard this before... but 14 years ago, I had an operation on my arm here. Doctors said I won't be able to use it. But what the hell do they know, I said. And I rubbed it for a half hour every day and I've got those... I could move it a little. And I got... so I could turn a faucet and pretty soon I had my arm back again. Now I can't feel a damn thing in it. All numb... I'm afraid to cut it, you know. Mary usually does the carving but maybe tonight you'll do it, Henry. All right with you? Of course. I'd be happy to. I just... just cut them up like regular chickens? Sure, just cut them up like regular chickens. It'll be all right. Excuse me. Well, Henry, what do you know? I don't know much of anything. Henry, may I speak to you a minute? Over here. Did you and Mary had sexual intercourse? - Why? - Did you? - Why are you asking me this question? - I have a very good reason. But now I want you to tell me. I-I'm very... I love Mary. Henry, I asked you if you and Mary had sexual intercourse. - I-I don't think it's any of your business. - Henry! Sorry. You're in very bad trouble if you won't cooperate. Well... I... - Mary! - Mother! - Answer me! - I'm too nervous. - There's a baby. It's at the hospital. - Mom! - And you're the father. - It isn't possible... - It's still unsure it is a baby. - It's premature, but there's a baby. After the two of you are married which should be very soon, you can pick the baby up. Mom, he's got his nose bleeding. I'll get ice. Will mind you Henry, you and I getting married? No! This dinner is getting cold. Is there any mail? No. Shut up! Shut up! I can't stand it. I'm going home. - What are you talking about? - I can't even sleep. I'm loosing my mind. You're on vacation, now. You can take care of it for a night. Will you come back tomorrow? All I need is a decency of that sleep. Why don't you just stay home? I'll do what I wanna do. And you better take real good care of things while I'm gone. Oh, you are sick... Move over. Move over. Move over! I locked myself out of my apartment. And it's so late. Where's your wife? She must've gone back to her parents, again. I'm not sure. Can I spend a night here? In heaven everything is fine In heaven everything is fine In heaven everything is fine You've got your good things and I've got mine In heaven everything is fine In heaven everything is fine In heaven everything is fine You've got your good things and you've got mine In heaven... ...everything is fine Ok, Paul! Hi ya sonny, what've you got there? Counter, Paul! It's ok. [email protected] www.mironto.host.sk/translator

23.976 Saturday 6 of January of 1917 Five condemned soldiers until death were lead to the sector of Bullavent, in the front of the Somme. First cheer adventurer of long ago took hung plate 2124 of an induction center of the Sen the boots that took, one had taken off a German soldier. Before the 2124, Bastoche call, one tied with beautiful pelirroja of name Vťronique Passavant. He was carpenter in the hem. Sometimes between furniture and furniture, they took a beer in the bar L'il Louis from the passage the gold hand. The boots to an enemy had cleared him who no longer needed them. in order to replace them, once filled up with straw and newspaper paper, by its old half boots. It was put under advice military by voluntary mutilation. They had found rest of powder in the wound of its hand, and was condemned until death. The second was the 4077 of another induction center of the Sen. It was soldering iron of the state railroads in Manille. Francis GaniŤre was called, said Six Soux to him. Wise person who the poor men made the tubes that would kill them, and that was the rich ones who sold them. It had tried to explain it during the quarterings, but it was not a great orador. In addition, the cheap wine companion of the misery stultified so much the glance of the soldiers that every time cost but to be made understand to him. 1818ł was without doubts, but the ave one. But the frightful one. it had killed an official of its company. An official who kicked to deads. Vos... levŠntate! Never whole nobody. BenoÓt Notre Dame was a farmer of DordoŮa. A morning of August appeared in their farm and they put it in a train. Taken care of with the cable. The cable of the telephone laying was the unique thing that united them to the world of the alive ones. by that fine thread, it could arrive to them I pardon of president Raymond Poincare. He was the unique one that was lost the faith it was I number 7328 Recruited in Cůrcega. Ange Bassignano According to that they knew it, a name less had never been guessed right: he was mentiroso, cheating, fanfarrůn informer and manipulator. Before it was the proxeneta of Lombardi Bathtub It was the cause of which they condemned it to five years of jail, by an honor or love subject depending on if one related to a woman or a man. in aim... an adjustment of accounts between proxenetas of the town. During the summer of 1916 one recruited delinquents in order to be able replace losses with the massacreed regiments in Berdun hell. It was let to them choose. Those tombs for that they are? The truth that... in aim... as tomorrow they are going to attack... we go... advancing work. Taken care of with the cable. Fifth he was a kid who belonged of the villa of the 17 it needed five months to fulfill the 20. By those times tapeworm fear of everything: of the French tubes that shot close too much, of the wind that propagated the gas of the assault hunters, of the executions Before the war it was not thus, all the opposite... It defied to storms aiding to keeps lights when the tide raised. To the attack. Then a light others it change all. There am boy, you will return to see your fiancŤe, already tenes the passport? If, the passport for the advice military. My sergeant, makes the Vista fat already has had enough. Carajo, sergeant could condemn it until death Have compassion by once. Vast already! We go sergeant, has mercy. It is already enough! When Mathilde and Manech made the love for the first time Manech I remain slept with the hand in its chest. Whenever Manech felt to annoy its wound it was like feeling the beat of the heart of Mathilde in the palm of its hand. And each beat approached it. If Manech were dead, Mathilde would know it. From the news of its death, she I cling obstinately to its intuition like a a fine thread. It never lost the hope. Mathilde is of optimistic nature it knows that if that thread does not take it until loved his it does not matter, it does not pass anything, always will be able to be hung with. In June of 1920 Mathilde it received a letter of a nun. A patient of the hospital wanted to see it. It was with Manech in January of 1917, the front of the Somme August of 1912, was a good looking man does not seem to him? It is of lemon, with direct gear box. DŪgame please that has happened to him to Manech In January of 1917 they ordered me that she escorted to five the condemned until death through the front. Era one of them? If. Tapeworm that to take them to a trench in forward edge. Gendarmes hoped to us with the prisoners next to a small cemetery in ruins. That beams with those German boots? To hope. To hope that? I pardon of Poincare? it hopes seated. It signed it. To my they must not to me have condemned. I am Privateering you know? nonFrench! It goes, dťjelo. There is lost the judgment. Better for. I finish my lieutenant? This saving fried, of to have been summer the gangrene had killed it. And Manech... underwent much with the wound of its hand? Two fingers had amputated him, but apparently it was well. Tapeworm that to take them to a called trench bingo twilight. Excrement goes. They could not be had exhausted of these useless ones by the way? To remove them to kicks in the ass? My you order are to give to the five condemned, the others is not thing mine. I will say to him then as they are mine... They are to throw to those boys to the trench and to let them die like dogs between the two firing lines. Those are my putas you order of excrement. Sergeant! Sergeant, with the Germans we have a species in tactical agreement. The sector this a little sleepy, a kick in the ass and that the excrement splashes to us. The soup boys, hot one has luck this. Beet and hinojo. That it is what you love boy? A chocolate cup and a piece of ead with honey. Although it must kill my parents: I you ing it. Allows me my lieutenant? Calm, he is orphaned, but surely that obtains it. He is the privateer of the mobile field kitchens. 15 minutes but late, it ought everything. Mantequilla with salt, honey of lavagne and... Cacao of Nigeria. I am glad. There am boy, not tenes to that to write to him? Tenes fiancŤe truth? Mathilde Her fiancŤe is called Mathilde. Mathilde I feel as if its heart annoyed in Morse code. We thought to marry. They condemned to us and no longer we will have to hope to that the war finishes. I will be able to return to house as soon as the execution finishes. Perhaps it prefers that it does not tell the rest him. I am lame, nonstupid. Cuťnteme which step. We opened a each in the wire fences and we equipped to the five against fried. Cťlestin Poux gave its fiancŤ one of its red wool gloves, so that the hand was protected. This distant spot? To less than 100 mts. Far for the grenades and close for the artillery. And of the gas nor to speak. Think that they were saved? If they do not fly by airs they have all the numbers to die of starvation or of it fried. In any case the Germans will reflx mng themselves awhile. Bastoche the carpenter and the end em aced themselves. The Gordes end. It was clear that they were known from before the war. Soon... we removed them outside the trench. - Excrement. - and and CŠllate. - Excrement. - CŠllate! September of 1914, kl with facility raises 70 and that that no longer was so in form as before. But that morning, in January of the 17 Manech was alive? To the dawn, Favart shout its names. All, except the farmer of DordoŮa, responded. - Bassignano? - Present. - Bouquette? - That is what wants? - Langonnet? - If, I am here. Boy you would have esconderte better a little. Notre Dame? Notre Dame? Not nothing but. It retires destroyed to me to write my report young lady. It was already hour Hope, the English stand out to us, we go away. And the subject bingo? That he is that? The list of the condemned signed by Favourier captain - I leave ahi It '? - it does not give it to me. That it does there like an idiot, nor which this outside Ponpeya? It is promoted to sergeant first morning will leave for the Bosbos. Even so my commander, this mission is going away to me to be crossed in the throat. Good, also there are balsamic caramels for the throat there. The caramels of the Bosbos. Retirese. Months but late hurt to me in the Somme. In the ambulance I accidentally was with Chardolot one of the ends of bingo twilight. single it had left few days of life. I have... I am Hope... Bingo twilight you remember? It pardons by not haberte recognized. It tell me, my no man's land boys... ... as I finish that history? Vos that you create? None so evivio '? Tenes conscience remorses Hope? You had quedarte with us in Bingo. You had seen record capital Ms and soon to hondear... ... underpants and to plan an albatross. These being delirious. Tenes fever. We threw between the two lines to five boys with life and recovered to five cold cuts. so... There am lost the Vista sergeant, but I imagine its expression and I am glad. I really speak of capital Ms and an albatross? If... and of underpants. Have Young lady, here this whole which the condemned of bingo twilight they requested me that she made arrive at its families. My state does not have I allow to me to do it. It is a copy of the letter of the farmer BenoÓt Notre Dame to its woman. I sent the original one to him when leaving Bingo. Its state is consequence to the gas in the lungs? It is not for that reason... it is by the Spanish influenza! As it sees, the death has inescrutables ways. Mathilde if you do not prune to cry speech! And if you do not prune to speak... it shuts up! But sometimes we began to speak and soon we put ourselves to cry. and when crying we say what we have not said when speaking. Not if you understand to me? If I did not follow asi '... with that face of stupid. L'il Louis decile to Vero that not the forgetfulness and that moan that it does not want to speak with me eh seen Biscotte and we have reconciled. Good bye friend. Bastoche BenoÓt Notre Dame Numero 1818 I will be a time without being able escribirte. Decile to Berney which I want to eliminate it everything to first of March, it sells all the too expensive installment, it is necessary to have well taken care of with. Decile to my Bagtistan that I want so much to it that never passed nothing to him bad. I have never known anybody so good. I want to you. BenoÓt For Lombardi Bathtub from Ange Bassignano. If Chick pea enters the room before they call me to eat, Manech this alive one. I am not hungry. To eat, we are going to eat. Mathilde to eat. Immediately low. Mathilde was born the 1 of January of 1900 This is very I practice to calculate its age. In 1903 their parents passed away in the accident of group 44. Since then Mathilde must by custom repeat; Late parents... late parents... Their uncle and his aunt Sylvain and Bťnťdicte take care of of her, thanks to the life insurance that administers the lawyer of its parents; Pierre Marie RouviŤres. To the five Mathilde years the virus of pollio contracted. Step many months postroad in the bed, in spite of the mustard cataplasms, the pendulums, and the infusions of trťboles of four leaves. Today Mathilde is 20 years old, touches the tuba, because it is the only instrument that seems to emit an aid signal. Chick pea the dog, throws pedos while to duer to me. Whenever Bťnťdicte hears it says... Treasonous dog pedorro. Mathilde needs to receive to newspaper well taken care of medical for its legs. The Georges Cornu the champion of Britain of free style of swimming gives massages him. Something ashamed felt in the beginning but already it is had customary. When this of Mathilde humor imagines that the Georges Cornu admire their body. and that cannot repress desire. in fact a day volume the freedom to say itself: Their precious curves are young lady, and I assure to him that my hands have crossed a few. Since then nonwise Mathilde as it could call it: My dear Gorge... My loved Gorge... Gogo Sometimes, before sleeping one imagines situations enough it jeopardize. Mathilde never has the necessity to arrive until the end of the eventful journeys of its imagination to succumb to the pleasure. From its disappearance, it cannot think about its fiance' when it looks for the pleasure. That we are going to him to do? I who vos would forget to me the Mathilde, as anything they serve the castles in the air. If he were alive because not to give to life signals eh? Because they have prisoner. And a German with two blond aids takes care of and two great teats. A Bretůn eating chucrut all santo impossible day.... Surely that you do not need that it helps you? Then no, I prefer that you maintain the feet in the ground. I am worth at least by my own foot. That you said? Nothing We go that it listens to you! What you say has neither feet nor head. Manech cannot be prisoner in Bingo, because they are our who took the enemy lines. and those that win are generally those that take prisoners. It will have it lost the north, or it will be hidden. Dejate of Mathilde fantasies tenes that resignarte. Young and beautiful Sos, you could find a husband in spite of.... In all this history there is something does not fit. I must find to... plunderer of kitchens... Cťlestin Poux That it is what you love boy? Perhaps or to prostituta of the privateering, it knows but that I. Tomorrow I go away to Paris. So that? In order to look for survivor of Bingo twilight. ... I have the archives until the ceiling, it does not imagine whichever cases had not seen the light if Germain Pire had not contributed its sand granite. Put attention to this. An extremely delicate subject. In 1917 a train with soldiers derails 427 dead ones. thanks to the investigation we discovered that the official it gave you order to leave although the akes did not work. It was a concealment maneuver from the government of Poincare The only possibility of the families of victimas to find to the official... Germain Pire. The spy who pŪa. Oh and pŪo young lady. And I found the official the grief of the high military spheres. In agreement, in the cemetery of Craon. As soon as it makes my suitcases I leave to look for them, to Poux Cťlestin and the lover of the privateering As far as its honoraria spy Sir who pŪa? The spy watches young lady who pŪa knows to that must pluck. For you they will be 20 francs per day but the expenses, clear! And because it does east favor to me? HťlŤne veni to salute About the expenses Germain Pire does not worry eats little, does not drink and he is very sparing in gratuities. - Good morning - Good morning Notre Dame de Paris? Notre Dame de Paris no, that I call to him from Paris on Notre Dame, BenoÓt Ah BenoÓt Notre Dame if, a strong farmer and of great heart. It died by the mother country, we say that the mother country has cleared to me but of feligrťs. Their woman and her small Bagtistan still live ahi '? Minne young lady with himself not to listen to anything. No, a day it sold everything and they went without leaving direction. It is a choir what I listen? That one is, which hears is a choir this is a church young lady. However reason why I hear not this you in a church. - Thanks Father, Good bye. - Of anything. Bingo twilight. This does not have feet nor head. He is grotesco. It thought that its vocation was to defend lost causes. To the 10 years your insolencia tapeworm grace, but to the 20 no. For that reason same, to see if it takes me in serious. Mathilde, Mathilde, you squander your inheritance in an absurd chimera. Bingo twilight, and because nonYupi Tralala? I want to consult the military file. Mathilde if there is an apex really in this and one of the condemned had survived would face forced works. Your investigations would cause serious problems to him. Reasonable, they trusted its interests to me... ... your parents Late parents Indeed, my happiness was one of those interests. Good bye, and thanks. Woman you do not put yourself thus, Mathilde I guard by your future, hurts much to me to see that you have gotten worse in spite of the massages. This good, in agreement, I will see that I can do. It is not going to pass everything in Lourdes. Good morning lady I look for Lombardi Bathtub I know it from small and... Pardon ladies I am a political uncle of Lombardi Bathtub and... Please, I am in charge of the interests of the Lombardi family in the continent, and I look for Bathtub by a small inheritance... Are you who you look for Lombardi Bathtub? No, in fact no Does not know Cůrcega? she is very pretty very colorful. But Lombardi Bathtub makes the street elsewhere. Luckily a member of the police body has given with her in the bar leville. Valentin Emilia Maria Lombardi, call Bathtub, were fichada in 1916 near the quarter of regiment 23 of Marseilles. After that I raise flight. There am lost the track to him in Lionne, I have not stopped to work eh. It has disappeared in the district of the Croix Rousse. It is to say that you leave. Of course that no, Pire does not occur by won Pire is obstinate, the spy who pŪa never surrenders young lady. Perfect, thanks. No, the eyes no That I serve to him? This he is my fiancŤ, and this of here, the carpenter I believe that you know it. No. That thirst has given me suddenly. A wine glass? It gives force and it cheers the way. That same one said to my aunt grandmother. It died in BesanÁon in 1911 to the 99 years and she was never ill. Good luck. I touch wood. The war? No, a hyena in the botanical garden I wanted to be called on it to do the ave one to me. Bastoche and its friend did this to me. Biscotte? Its better friend. They were known in the flood 1910 saving a woman. Bastoche tapeworm much talent, but Biscotte... she was an artist, a virtuoso of formůn. It was the one who I fit all the joints. It is a wonder! It is for you. L'il Louis decile to Vero that not the forgetfulness and that moan that it does not want to speak with me eh seen Biscotte and we have reconciled. Good bye friend. Bastoche If they reconciled it is because they had been fought. As fuel the reason? A mystery. And that that happened through all together. And of a day for another one, they were not possible nor to be seen. Biscotte change of company and being wounded it died when they bombed the military hospital. Of all ways, I am glad of that have reconciled. It seems that today it is not this way going to have much movement, no? You serve a traguito to me? The thirst awoke to you, eh. It has a wood hand and a gold heart. We go, by the love. The true one! Know you who you are Vťro? Vťronique Passavant. Its girl, her amiguita! They came much this way. That it could happen so that she let speak to him? I suppose that some infidelity that she could not pardon. Good, 1917 this here. That they are exactly the red files? Secret of defense. Permission is needed acceding to them above. Clear this, is above. Be going to help him. Oh if! Let us suppose that that person of above you are... ... then Mr. RouviŤres and I would have permission no? If I thought like you nonserious Official. Mathilde, Mathilde you would have to be but that contents to be here. Normally usually it takes months. What it said, it seems to him that was everything in order, but really is a chaos. To see... in front of the Somme Sector of Bullavent, trench 108. It sees what I say to him? This is a chaos! It is I authenticate chaos. It wants that it helps it? I thank for the managements to him that have done... ... with the General, I say. Good, he is a great friend mine. I know the sector very well Bullavent, two friends mine died there. Then it has been a very bloody war... It does not believe that now the thing is better, every day is but difficult to find a maid. It seems lie. We would like to know that passage in trench 108. ... 104, trench 105, 107, lacks the 106 It sees, is a chaos! Trench 108... this is a chaos! Good 108, here these... ... Taken by ours in October of 1916 and red baptize Bingo twilight. And because nonYupi Tralala? The 6 of January there is nothing the 7 great confrontation with numerous losses... Favourier captain, the professor of history die in combat... The lieutenant... An adviser of insurances! The end.... Good that but it gives... He is peculiar, part of the losses are classified like confidential. Confidential? It means... I feel it. And not it can? No, not it can. Up to here we can arrive. I feel it. Nor by the very same General it could do nothing. Even so I thank for the annoyances to him that have been taken. I feel it, is nothing can be to them useful, destinies, stages, pure transacts. It was that possibility. As everything is a chaos! Incorrigible Sos incorrigible Mathilde...! ... nonlady, is totally impossible no, without the seal of the ministry it is impossible. I hope that this leaf is not secret of defense. Pierre Marie, if it is important I want to know it. A permission is not nothing... single. Of the president of the republica? Then if, once in a while the president can give it to the soldiers who but deserve it. Already this...... full stop. I accompany them. Cabo Bouquette Clevert, end GaniŤre Francis Soldier Notre Dame BenoÓt, soldier Bassignano Ange Soldier Langonnet Manech By voluntary mutilation the sentence to capital punishment. If story up to 7 and the train has not entered a tunnel Or the guard does not come. Manech this dead One, two, three, four, five, six Tickets please. CaŪste! As soon as the newspaper return finishes, we will put your announcement. It compensates by all information referring to Bingo twilight. That, anŪmala, to see if you prune to open the appetite to him. you would have to take it to the fair of camperre. And so that? For distraerte a little. You could find a good boy! And so that? Then, to marry you and to form a family Decicelo vos It give a little me wine? From whichever takings it came? A wine glass gives force and cheers the way. Where you heard that? In the passage the gold hand, the owner of the bar, the died hand, that has a wood hand, tapeworm a uncle grandmother who said it before dying, to the 99 years in BesanÁon in 1911. Prune to repeat it? In BesanÁon, 1911 ... one lady lived on 99 years, who died leaving a nephew who has a wood hand that he is the owner of the died hand, a bar of the gold hand. To who she used to say, which Sylvain wanted to know, where had heard it. You see it? Already this drunkard! Sight! That intrepid it is the albatross It knows that it can use the wind at will. Oh my gravel! my gravel! Vťronique Passavant 17 of 1920 July I write to him from the bar of L'il Louis that has spoken to me of you. It is precise that it knows of the encounter that I had, that has shocked to me. It directed me to the factory of Bastoche because she was melancholic. I would like to speak with Bastoche Bastoche has died... ... in the front of the Somme, not wise it? To my another thing consists to me. That? In the hospital where I help the patients, there are terminal sifilŪticos. One of them has given this me for you. If queres not to die cover of purulentos abscesses is better than you answer to me. The companion with whom Bastoche hides Decime... decime that is privateering! That they did not martyr to me of small the monjitas. Lombardi bathtub knows something that we no. As you say? The Lombardi, knows something that we do not know. Something that would demonstrate that to Bastoche this alive one! And the other of the condemned. Obvious Bathtub thinks that it is his Ange. But if Bastoche has been saved, to that I am sure that I help went to Manech. If it has saved its life! If the cows flew, milk would be in favor of clouds. It can, but if not outside for that reason, single I would have left to hang to me. Idiot Sos or that? Whenever you come I must fix the gravel. The one of the gravel is a style question. For the Young lady. Ironworks R. Leprince, Paris 1920 July 25. Young lady, I take advantage of Sunday today to write to him with respect to its warning where it says that it looks for Cťlestin Poux and other survivors of Bingo twilight. I knew it, was the buscavidas ones but great that have known. I recognize that thanks to, never I lack nothing. Olivier manufacturing Nergeton of mechanical toys. Cťlestin Poux was our salvation, we called recogemigas. It falsified I number of losses, to multiply I number of cash, in order that the boy we had double ration of food. If he sees, dŪgale someday it that the veterans of Fontenau never we will forget it. Professor, August 3 of 1920 We died of laughter with, to entertain to us I get to train to the mascot of the company. Good morning Lady, Germain Pire private detective. Oh if, Mathilde has spoken to us of you. Sylvain decile to Mathilde that lowers, the type that pŪa this hoping. The great Pire moves like the ray, can spend a day in each site. In any case we will need luck and patience to throw the glove to him. Even but? Mathilde taking I ing salty galletitas to you. To see that they seem to you? They would not be better in the kitchen? Bťnťdicte Thanks. Good, I leave them. Poux is a mystery, auque Lombardi Bathtub does not remain cuts It is the one that but confuses. , and to make matters worse it changes of identity. And of Biscotte some newness? Watch, this is Gordes Youngest child it is the photo in that I gain the carpentry prize, for sixth consecutive year. But! If young lady. Biscotte, the best friend of Bastoche, is not other that Gordes Youngest child. and a soldier of its company me conto '... ... that was like meat and nail before the things were entangled. Dťjame! I do not want to fight with vos. Calm Dťjame. Of who was the idea? It was idea mine? It was idea yours. It was by a subject of skirts. Vťronique Passavant oke with Bastoche in June of the 16 and immediately afterwards, Bastoche fight with Gordes Youngest child. It is not necessary to be a lynx, no? Then they did not become to see until the one of Bingo twilight? Bingo twilight is where everything finishes. ... it is not where everything begins Mr. Pire Where everything begins. Lombardi bathtub this safe that Bastoche this alive one. That it differentiated to Bastoche from the others in Bingo twilight? That he was the only carpenter, no? There is a thing that differentiates to Bastoche from the others... ... the German boots. He was the unique one that German tapeworm dull. Clear! that is! tenes reason. Lombardi bathtub has had to find out that the man that it wore German boots had saved. It would be enough that they had seen him with some companion. I crossed myself two French they seemed mendigos... ... one until tapeworm boots that a German had cleared to him. ... it was throwing of the other because cojeaba. In addition to the boots, we know that Bastoche had made the peace with its better friend. Exact! who knows if to that nonchange the things that night? If the hair without the skin is oken Gordes the adjustment to be saved to Bastoche, and Manech. To that rate I do not put the cake in the furnace until next year. I must return to Paris That? That I must return to Paris. Again? you are going to spend all the inheritance of your parents. Late parents. Excuse, Elodie Gordes? That the one of the carrots. Ah, thanks Sir. Elodie Gordes? Take I do not know it. To as of both it is who does not know? It will not be to this? Because Bastoche and Biscotte were fought? It was by you? VŠyase, I do not have anything to say to him. No, I need to know it. They were seen by completes time in bingo twilight. My fiancŤ was there also... with Bastoche in that excrement trench. I need to know it. I need to know it. It was not as you create. I cannot tell it to it Dťme its direction, although I have misspelling, I will put everything in a letter. I promise it. There is nothing for my? That you say? That if there is nothing for my? Single the newspaper... speaks less worldwide of Elodie Gordes. It does not have grace You are mistaken! Speech of very interesting things. The president has opened to an investigation on the condemned of Bingo twilight? Then, it had been able to at night make it have fallen of a train in half, and in pajamas At least duer to me in pajamas. Eh? That duer to me in pajamas. ... and we recovered five cold cuts In addition to thief, you are a pyromaniac. - They are all for my? - No Single this. By once I do not have to gather the gravel, but to the mailman. Coat the gravel! a clean war! There is no clean war. Between a to take something. Young lady, him request keeps for you my secrets. When I knew my husband, tapeworm four children of its first marriage no was his. According to generosity one had married with a young tuberculosa widow of Polish nationality, like I. It recognized its children before she died. I was unmarried mother of a girl of 3 years. When we began saw father of five children, without it could generate no. We had four years of happiness. We had many plans. We dreamed to be able to once see the sea in the life. But I arrive the war. First I thought that his Bastoche friend would take care of of because they were together, but when permission wine for the first time, in September of 1915 after the campaign of Artua, I included/understood that already nothing would return to be like before. there this gives forces us to follow. A day in a battlefield in flames I saw like a companions the cartridge holders exploded to them as if they were firecrackers. Once we even used the corpse of a companion, as if outside a shield. It had been time thinking about something, the second night I explode. You will understand that if I desert they arrested gendarmes to me. The only possibility of releasing to me is having a sixth son. To that it has 6 children, they send it to house. As I already said to him, the sterile era It could not imagine that it is what glided. But it returned again with the subject. But if I am who request you Elodie, is not adultery. And less if it is with Bastoche. I do not touch! No of the five is mine, who but gives another one? Although it embarrasses we would have to wait for 9 months to me... ... by then the war already will have finished. It never finished! Those nine months serian of hope for my. He is that not tenes compassion? And thus it was as a day I found a letter of Clevert Bouquette, Bastoche alias. It put that it hung something of color in the window, but wanted that it raised. - Good morning. - Good morning. - I made coffee, wants a little? - If, thank you very much. - It happens. - No, You first. Thank you very much. - I put sugar to Him? - No, thanks. - It is of nacre? - If, it made Youngest child. - He is peculiar that.... we do not have ourselves - If. known before The children are not aca '? If, they are playing outside. - a digestive with cafe '? - If In fact not... pardon! It does not desire to me. To my either. Elodie listening we say to him that we have done it. thus it remained calm by a time. He is the best thing for you... I create I ... and for my. And for all. He is peculiar, when you smile there will be a parenthesis. It will close but the possible thing late. The day after tomorrow, in the station. We go, one completes smile. In order to close the parenthesis. I do not have left pregnant. But soon after, it was not the fear which I torment my husband, but the jealousy. Where? When? Whichever times? In which positions? You enjoyed? One became a torture for and my. Now already this. Bastoche has died like sa a '! And my husband died in the bombing to the hospital. Me long ago to be sincere well with you young lady. Sometimes I am scared to return to me crazy. Elodie Gordes. Mathilde apurate, Mr. RouviŤres this to the telephone hoping. We go, express. - It says. - Mathilde, I am Pierre Marie. I have darte the bad news. Good bad, one the news that without a doubt you hoped... ... and that from now on you will not be able to continue ignoring. Summarizing, in a thing tapeworms reason, Manech and its 4 companions were in that trench. They are buried in the cemetery of Tertullian. First they were buried under a canvas in the crater of a howitzer. Already this, my small Mathilde... In June of 1909 Mathilde tapeworm 9 years, Manech Langonnet... 10 It hurts to you when you walk? It had of being Friday, or Saturday. Mathilde no longer remembers it. Tenes friends? If queres I can be your friend? That it happens I smell bad? You raised the light sometimes? I can llevarte until above of everything! ... because the guard light is my father. As you want been conceited, proud, believed, stretched! Eh! mocoso, queres that you of a kick in the ass? To where it is seen from the stop of the light? Merienda. Treasonous dog pedorro! Manech But Mathilde Mathilde But Manech Manech But Mathilde Mathilde But Manech Manech But Mathilde - Taking - But if I do not smoke! , llevatelo! If I arrive at the curve before the car Manech will return safe and sound. If I arrive at the curve. If I arrive at the curve before the Manech car returns safe and sound. If I arrive at the curve. Good morning. You were conceited to have a year but that I. And now I am greater than vos. The one that gave the glove you calls Poux... Cťlestin Poux. He is a slippery one. The detective whom she contracts calls Pire. Germain Pire. It has not found nor to the fulana of the privateering. The Manech script is had oken... ... but it will not leave. I have confidence in the track of Lombardi Bathtub. I need to be safe. Me entendes? For that reason it is important that it finds to Cťlestin Poux. Sos great incordio, you know? With the good that we would be We go away Mathilde? You are going to take fried. Killed in action the 7 of June of 1917. Thouvenel? That it wants? Who You are? Were you who I am called? Who you are? They spent the days and it did not receive the news of Cťlestin Poux. Mathilde was lowered by the sadness. It must eat, is going away to us to become ill. Then dťjale the best portion. It ended up leaving the flavor us of the misfortune, already sides! Finally, the 15 of September of 1920 to the average night, the thread, returned to tie. Victory! Finally him I have thrown the glove to the slippery one of Poux, was sent it with venia of God, and Harley Davison. Expenses including of course. Germain Pire Cťlestin Poux, the terror of the highway. Is his the announcement? Mathilde tightened the fists the one against the other, not to shake, to cry or to be in evidence like an idiot. I did not saw fall to his fiance', had been going to look for the farm then I was with levert, a type that I knew in the Boscos. Neighbor of the valley of the Mosa. But that neighboring, Cretino! But wise to differentiate the Arabic coffee, of any medicine. We had a great problem when we mixed coffee with coal grains, in order to change it to it by Dutch tobacco. It completes time that saw Manech, he was alive? It was impossible not to see it, instead of hiding itself it was put to carve M in the trunk of a calcined tree. It gave time him to carve three Ms before it demolished the albatross. The albatross? Albatross. Great marine bird, that follows as indolent fellow traveller, to the ship furrowing the bitter abysses. It is a poem of Baudelaire But in 1915 it was also a German airplane, with a machine gun in the vanguard. In that then, it was not possible to be shot through the helices. Were you who you gave the glove him? Red, of heavy wool. I tapeworm a fiancŤe who passed the day weaving to me scarfs and gloves, that it changes to generals with the full fingers of sabaŮones, by gold teeth that removed to the dead Germans. I fused them and thanks to them can buy the Harley to me. But, this safe that Manech this dead? a companion who saw the body said to us, that with a similar wound, it was not necessary to look for the fifth leg to him the cat. Of the 5, single I saw with my own eyes, as they loaded themselves to 3 of them. I surrender.... I surrender... They do not shoot. Mercy... I surrender. Dťjenme to happen! I am of its side... Mercy! I am not French! I am Privateering. I do not have anything against the Germans. Poor man. So nonsos French? Then to we annul your game of birth. The one was an end of ours that him firing. Thouvenel A tiŮoso of easy trigger, with heart of stone and Vista of lynx. Poor man. It likes truth? I am a easy man, would kill to all my family by a stew. Calm he is orphaned! also by escabeche and purť of trufa. If they like trufas indeed I come from... Already! Those who it saw die with its own eyes? To that it was infected by the gangrene. Six Soux? If, the soldering iron. Comrades, before dying I have one completes will. I would like to piss of foot, like a man! Later, comrades, fire at will! Good bye to the life Good bye to the love And to all the women I finish it is the end Damn war infame here I am finished we will be killed they condemned us to all and they are going to us to sacrifice And Bastoche? It was very well hidden and we could not find it. Even the morning when we happened list and I answer, nobody could locate it. He is as if outside ventrŪlocuo. No, he was carpenter. Reason why I have heard, it demolition the albatross at the same time that to its fiance'. The explosion set afire the albatross that I crash in the German line, in house. And to the farmer of DordoŮa that him step? The dead was made from the beginning, but it did not serve to him as anything. To the Germans the one did not do grace to them of the airplane. When it returns already with the farm the shots had begun. Soon they began to bomb. Those that has not lived it do not know what is. The legs shake to you, do not respond to you. The heart barks to you like the one of a terrified animal. Then I saw to a the farmer of DordoŮa fall thundered against. We must attack before they kill to us. To pierce bayonets! To pierce bayonets! To pierce bayonets! What them story is music compared with the reality. By France... To the attack! We had left back corpses of the prisoners, when the tableteo of metralletas began, the Maxim. ... they massacreed to Us. Lavrouye has remained with the paper... Stretcher bearers! A paper? That paper? Nontube time to say but. That night was triple ration of soup. Favart and Chardolot were making the casualty report. Because the five condemned appears like soldiers of the battalion? We fulfilled you order. Berry Tomato! Rima with silly thing! If, and with chocolate. We go that the soup cools off! One already cooled off. But of 5 the single one it saw die to 3 With its eyes. Young lady the false single hope produces suffering. No, it is not a false hope. It proved my pie of plum? Not if it would have! With a little cream. He is flattering that knows to appreciate it. It will be better than it lays down it. All we needed to rest. Slowly, slowly! Him lack dignity, style! This clear one that his it is the rake. Mailman raises who I take it until the next mailbox. I will take it, I have been in the war, but I am not civil employee. We go! ... it is not my fault, I am asthmatic! If an asthmatic one that walks in bicycle! But near the sea. Clear Ah near the sea! Cťlestin hears that does not go in sidecar. Men, are all like children,eh? While they do not play being welded. ... decile to Berney which I want to eliminate it everything to first of March, it sells all the too expensive installment... It is not possible that it speaks of those trivialities? It does not seem to him? Good, it must be in key. But the system of numbers of the enamored ones is not solved nor with divine inspiration. And Bastoche? if they have seen with the German boots tube it that have left with life! Absolutely young lady. The Gordes end did not want that Bastoche left the trench with the boots of the enemy. If the Germans see you with them they will give by fact that you have ransacked to one of his. Then Lombardi Bathtub left from a false track. Its soldier with German boots... it was not Bastoche! It was Gordes It went accompanied by much by the villa of the a certain Derochette. I crossed myself stretcher bearers who finished seeing them. Eh sos of bingo? Because? Decile that to the Gordes end has hurt it in the head that we even saw it next to a boy whom this worse. Derochette is called, went to the aid station. The anarchy lives! The anarchy! That it passes Mathilde to you? Mathilde a i '! We go reasonable! It is possible to be known that it did to him? Nothing... For three years you have been knowing that to Manech this dead That is called obstinacy No, that is called hope, and Mr. Poux finishes killing it. If I can do something to compensate it? If. To take bingo twilight. You seem a princess India to backs of its elephant. With its sequito, to backs of its sadness. here it is! there to 100 mts. was... ... the trench of the Germans. And the tree, the calcined trunk where this? Oh! the stumps and all the rest they were used to cover both trenches. The five had a bandaged hand, we found them there, to 20 mts, under a canvas with earth shovelfuls it raises. It was not a plate of good pleasure. I already imagine! But the young one seemed a boy. It remembers if it took a glove? A red glove, of heavy wool? All of them had a bandaged hand, that I decide to me but in the other they did not have anything, I did not saw any glove. Athos! I do not like that she investigates here. In this zone a little is removed the Earth and can be a mine, that it removes to an arm an arm or a leg to you in less than sings a rooster. Cripta. is one was a chapel between the German line and ours... ... now single they are left a pile of ruins. I do not decide to me anything! I do not recognize anything! It is possible that Manech lost the glove when falling? Era of heavy wool, but of dense point it was fit very, other it last to me until the end of the war. Perhaps the coat, to write in the trunk. That not it, but I do not create. And of which red era? Red alive? Red intense. Tapeworm em oidered white points, it seemed a become wormy apple. Excuse that she approaches it thus, but the family of my husband, it underwent much during the war... and I have not wanted that nobody sees me approach me the table of a French veteran, understands to me no? That it is what knows? Before dying, my other saw his fiancŤ... ... to record three letters in the trunk of a tree. Tapeworm a red glove with white points. A companion of me told everything it. When an airplane of the our firing on its fiancŤ... ... him revolviů estomago. And immediately afterwards... ... I untie hell. That day, twice God him except for the life to that French soldier. Suddenly, his they contraatacaron... ... they killed my other! Tapeworm 23 years. I have come to see its cross in the cemetery. I feel much. The time cures everything. Already the side! I must return, or they were worried. Then I have not killed it absolutely! That? ... the hope! Now that happens? Lombardi Bathtub. They are going to guillotine it. The assassin of officials calls it. It has assassinated among others to Lavrouye and Thouvnel Tapeworm intention to kill marshal Piton. When I think that you used a wheelchair to be affected... You are the unique one with whom I have accepted to speak... ... because that we look like. Well! let us leave it thus. What I did, could well do it you. No, I do not create. It had been much scared. I am not scared. nor I regret anything. Safe by my hair... ... me they cut it before executing to me. I will look like Juana de Arco when it reunites to me with my Ange. Because Marshal Piton who did? The one to throw in the trench the mutilated soldiers was idea hers. And because nonPoincare, denied to them I pardon. As it does not know it? It had pardoned them, to the five. A permission is single. Lavrouye has remained with the paper... And because that Lavrouye did? Because the pigs behave like pigs! But one does not worry, orders to me of. We have taken the same investigation. Each one to its way. Looking for some veteran of bingo... ... I gave with a nurse who had cured to my Ange and the other condemned. That Philippot nurse, had seen one of the five. To a strong boy, hurt in the head He was a strong, wounded boy in the head, used German boots. According to, German tapeworm dull. And it loaded with a thin young person. I believe that if... ... I am safe I say! ... hard, hurt in the head. its head I advise to him that it was shut up. You better than nobody it will include/understand the hope that I felt. But soon after I knew that I annihilate all my illusions. Sergeant first Favart. It counted me as that pig of Thouvenel thundered against to my Ange. With a single firing. Also it orders to me of. Single tapeworm a thing in mind... ... to eliminate all those that had made him damage to my Ange. Its Ange I leave this for you. The revenge is useless, tries to be happy and you do not squander your life by my. Ange ... Gordes, the one that change the German boots with Bastoche... He was strong? Biscotte? No, he was not athletic, it was like you or I. And of Jean de Desrochelles has known nothing? Desrochelles? Ah if, he were not very sociable, I believe that it lives single with its mother. Pardon I must leave it, I leave within one hour for Venezuela. - Good Cťlestin luck. - Also. When I think that I hide myself I pardon of Poincare... It had not served as anything to throw but firewood to the fire, comprťndelo. I have I complete favor that pedirte Pierre Marie. I suppose that it will have to do with bingo. Son of the bookseller Paķl Desrochelles died in Fe uary of 1897. Jean Desrochelles that is! Hope, if in Somme. if very well. Thanks. DŪgame Mr. Piere, Lombardi Bathtub, you had to know what she glided! But the prudent thing was not to cross itself in its way. If the thing puts faith, the one that spies caquea? Not... the one that spies of which they see him is not entrusted. By the way, I have a new bet that to give him. Jean Desrochelles evacuee of the front of the Somme in January of the 17, only relative its mother. widow of Paķl Desrochelles. Rue of vie 22 And that wants that I do? - it wanted to speak with me? - If The companion of my other, of whom he speaks to him, one has remembered something... ... that could interest to him. Both French soldiers who escorted it, that Monday in the morning, they wanted to happen again through no man's land. They saw the bodies of the condemned, one was in a species of cavity and both French they seemed to be surprised. Not if that can be to him useful young lady? Thanks. ... decile to Berney that I want to eliminate it everything to first of March it sells all the too expensive installment, it is necessary to have well taken care of with. it sells all the too expensive installment. Good, it must be in key. I call the gentleman to you who pŪa. It has not found anything in Saenz... Say who is? If young lady, I decide to me Berney? it does not sound me for anything. I do not know anybody call thus. BenoÓt Notre Dame fertilized its earth with the dung of its animals, did not buy installment. Thanks father. I must decipher this letter. I am approaching. Estare '... Berney... March... sells everything deci... nothing... perhaps... nobody BenoÓt. Pardons Sir, the farm of the aim of the world? It completes house, at the end of the way. And if it does not come? Vendra '! you do not worry. Volve within two hours. Hello Mathilde He is dangerous to revive to deads. When I saw your announcement in the newspaper I knew that single it was time question, so that gendarmes lay down to me above. You do not worry, I could undo of vos... ... but I did not do it. In addition to thief, sos a pyromaniac! I was not able of matarte. When there is to kill to a rabbit or a hen, she is my woman who has it to do. The war has left me without desire. It already knows what I want to listen! Manech this alive one? It completes time that I saw was not very well. But he is but strong of which it seems. It is necessary to be together. When I finish the combat takes advantage of to sleep, to replenish forces. That it is what wants? Notre Dame? Soon the privateering decided to surrender. Immediately afterwards they killed the soldering iron of Paris. Later your fiancŤ stem letters in the trunk of a tree, and then I arrive the German albatross. Recover the knowledge when the Earth shook. I do not even understand that it was what step... ... the only thing that I saw was a hatch that the projectile I open. ... by France to the attack. They entered no man's land and in the second line they were massacreed by the shrapnel. Hours later, woke up voices to me. Oh God mine! Bastoche has died! We cannot leave it here. Later we will come by, is not going away to go. Oh Bastoche has died Sight! that moves. That is the kid, also is going to die. The explosion destruction the hatch. One of both welded I arrive severely wounded. Bastoche has died! All we are going to die. He was the friend of Bastoche, the one that had cleared him the German boots. After eating, it smokes its tobacco to me. Soon it listens to but voices. Excrement goes! He is not the kid! That it does this aca '? And the farmer of DordoŮa where this? Sir! - I have cold '! - Calm Although he was seriously wounded, your fiancŤ wanted to live, I saw in its eyes. The loading on my shoulders and I began to walk by the trench. It had much fever, felt it to burn in my back. It was delirious. It spoke of a heart that barked in its hand. Cabo! the hospital this to 500 meters. It wants that we take to its companion in the stretcher? No. If they are crossed some sergeant major of bingo dŪganle that the Gordes end went to the hospital with Desrochelles soldier. Good, as it wants. Arrive before the explosion. I must say that to the General Staff nontube better idea than to mount the hospital in a hangar, with a full airship of I hydrogenate. The kid has been evacuated in the convoy that finishes leaving. It will be put well? The wound of the hip is not serious, but neumonŪa does not paint very well. It writes down them with the name of its plates. I do not want to know nothing but. Good luck. The handle! The handle! Please! Later it arrives until Berney, on foot. It could not know if my woman had received the letter, so every day it was going to wait for it to the shutdown of the group. With the silver of the sale we bought this farm. But moved away that we found. They call the aim of the world. Good bye He is peculiar, became a hollow in the line of the life! It is normal. Mori '... in bingo twilight like your fiancŤ. If sometimes you find to Jean Desrochelles with life HŠzmelo to know. You know where to find me. It happens! as if you were in your house, Christmas it enters by the chimney if queres! For the Mathilde young lady Very well. I occur it later. I who you, would wake up it. That it happens? This alive one! Mathilde does not move, happens what happens, does not move... I go for there. Germain Pire That idiot I am! pŪa without equal and but fast which a gale. This vivito and fishtailing, but does not remember anything. Its amnesia is total. It has had to return to learn to read and to write. The psychiatrists who treat it from the 17 do not have many hopes. But eye! everybody knows that... ... there are so many amnesias, as amnesic. Where this? orphan for the second time. He finishes losing his adoptive mother. Pierre Marie, not if it knows Mr. Piere? Single its reputation. Enchanted. Mathilde I say to you that until does not see it, I will not believe it. With its own eyes! When Jean Desrochelles was born, its mother tapeworm 40 years and nontapeworm children. When gendarmes came by.... ... to fortify the front If. Key in a depression. A day received the visit of a companion of its son, so... Chardolot! Chardolot! ... unfortunately one was Jean. I reach a projectile to him, and took to several hours murto. I must also say to him... it can be that but the young one of the condemned has usurped the identity of Jean. Interchanging its plates. I believe that it lost the judgment the day that called it of the hospital in order to say to him that his son was there. This sleepy. I leave them single. Good morning! Who You are? Your small mother. I am your east! I have carried out the official investigation and Mrs. Desrochelles passed away two months ago. The upsetting a truck when having an argument with a retailer, and one is not an invention. we already know it! Nonwoman... One does not put you thus. The lady did not suffer, died in the act. I do not cry for that reason. I am an idiot. I did not believe to you small. Perdůname! It must it have known. What it would denominate late but, the expedition of Millie; the sun, the sky and all the nature, were of their part. Making Gallic of its femineidad, adjustment the best thing than could. Of target, the color of the purity. Pinto the lips for the occasion, The delineated eye ows and nothing of rimel that extended the eyelashes. Wise person which would happen if it lost the composure. We have announced him its visit. We said that a young person to him, to which it has wanted much, it was going to come to see it. I ask its name. It seemed to him very pretty. The delay in the garden. It hurts to you when you walk? Queres to see what I am doing? When it finishes lets see it to you. Because you cry? And Mathilde remained raised, supported in the endorsement of the chair, with the hands on its skirt and I watch it. Under the harmony that surrounded them, under the light of the garden, Mathilde I watch it, I watch it.... ... I watch it. Originally translated and subtitled by Xele. [email protected]. Then google translated by translate.pl from taxexile

Howl's Moving Castle Bettie Sophie, I just closed the shop. I thought you were coming? I have to finish this. I hope you enjoy. OK, I'm off. Let's go girls. Wait up! Isn't anything wrong with my dress, is it?heck it out! Howl's castle is there. Yeah? The castle? Where?It's over there! Wow! So close! Oh, my... I wonder if Howl is in town. Oh, it's gone! It just hidden in the mist. Didn't you see those battle ships just passed in front of the window? Have you heard of a girl, Martha, lives in South town? Her heart was stolen by Howl. I'm scared... Don't worry. He won't go after yours. Come on, girls! Hurry up! How do you know that? Hey, you, little mouse. Are you looking for something? No, sir. Nothing. Then, how about having a cup of tea with us? No thanks. I'm in a hurry She is really a little mouse! Yes.. how old are you? You live in this town? Please let me go! You scared her, it's because of your mustache mate. She is cute especially when she gets angry. There you are. I was looking for you! Who the hell are you? I'm her buddy By the way, why don't you go for a walk for a while What? What's going on? My body is automatically... They didn't mean to hurt you. Please forgive them. Where are you going, Miss? Let me escort you for a while. No, thanks. I just go to a shop to see some designs. Behave naturally. I'm being chased by someone. Let's walk. Sorry, I didn't mean to get you involved. Here! Relax. Keep walking. There you go. Don't be afraid Very well. I'll be a decoy. You better wait for a while before you go. OK Good girl. Here, you are. Thank you, sir. I wish I could buy a chocolate as sweet as you, Bettie. My sister? We expect you to come back soon, Bettie. Sissy! Are you OK? I heard you sprinkled over the terrace. You became an angel or something? Uh,I...,it's like I'm dreaming. Bettie, why don't you guys talk in the office? Thank you. But I'm still working. Seriously? Isn't he a wizard or something, is he? He was very gentle. And he saved me. So you had your heart stolen, haven't you? If that wizar had been Howl, your heart would have been eaten. It wasn't him. I heard his targets are beautiful girls. You must be more careful. Listen. It's getting dangerous out there. Some say recently even Witch in the Waste Land is out there. Sissy!. Bettie, Madeline is ready. OK, wait a sec. oke I'm off. Now I feel better and relaxed after seeing your ight face Hi, Bettie. How are you? I'm fine. Sophie, are you serious you're gonna continue to work in the shop for the rest of your life? I saw dad loved the shop. And I'm his first daughter. So... I'm asking if you really want to take over the shop because you like to make hats. Uh, I... See you, Bettie. You come by the shop sometime. OK? Oke I'm off. You must decide what YOU really wanna be! Uh, Madam, the shop is closed. I'm sorry. I thought I'd locked the door already. How miserable this shop looks like. You sell such cheap hats, don't you?This shop suits a girl like you There's nothing special in this ordinary downtown hat shop Would you please come tomorrow, Madam? You have guts. I wonder if you know me, Witch in the Waste Land.. Witch in the Waste Land? This curse can't be dispelled by a human. Say hello to Howl. Is it...,me...?Oh, my God... Calm down.. There's nothing to be worried. Ok, Sophie. Relax. I'm home!Welcome back, ma'am. What do you think about my dress? This fashion is very popular in Kingsberry. Fantastic! It suits you very well, ma'am. This is gonna be definitely accepted in this town as well. Don't you think? Sophie! Sophie! Ma'am, Lady Sophie hasn't come yet today. That's weird. Really!? Don't. You don't wanna open the door. I caught a bad cold. You don't wanna be infected, do you? You've got horrible voice, haven't you? It's like 90-year-old grandma is speaking. So, I decided to stay in my room today Ok. If you say so... I'll see you later What the hell... You'll be OK, Sophie. Your cloths suit you better than before, by the way. I can't stay here any longer. Ouch!I don't want backache yet at my age. Grandma, let me help. I can handle it. Thank you for your kindness. I don't mind to give you a ride, grandma. But, where are you goingl'm going a bit further from your destination. Granny, I think you're going to the wrong place, where only witches are wondering around. I appreciate your advice Is she going to Naquie Valley at this time?She told me that she is meeting with her youngest sister. It seems I still have long way to go. Thank goodness. Fortunately, my teeth are as well as before. That is best suitable as a cane, isn't it? Well, then... Ouch! I hope it's not too chunky. Ouch. My waist kills me... How stiff is it! I will never give up! Come on! A Scarecrow...,isn't it? I thought you were one of her goons Wait a sec... Why can you stand by your self? Your head is made of turnip, isn't it? I hate turnip ever since I was a small kid. You look better to stand up straight, don't you? Work hard. It's cold. I haven't reached so far yet, have I? Besides, the town looks still close. Don't follow me! I don't expect you to repay my favor. I'm fed up with witch and curse stuff! You are controlled by magic or something, aren't you? Stay there. Don't follow me! For me? This is perfect! Thank you, sweet scarecrow. You can't ing a small house to stay tonight, can you? I enjoy pearls of wisdom thanks to aging. What a huge battle ship I wonder where this smell is coming from... It would be wonderful if there was a lodge or something. Hello, again, turnip head. But isn't that Howl's castle? Yes, I asked you to ing a house, but this is... What the hell is this? Is it... a castle? Is that the entrance? Why don't you slow down a bit! Hey! Fidgety castle! You let me in or not? Make up your mind! My scarf...! It seems warm inside the castle anyway, I'll say thank you, turnip head. I hope Howl doesn't eat such an old woman's heart. Good bye, turnip head. You are a good turnip. Good luck! What's going on? It's like I'm in an old house. Good thing about getting old is not to be surprised often. Sophisticated curse you've got, haven't you? It's gonna be really hard to dispel it. Fire,... is talking. And you can't tell it to other people. You are...,Howl? No. I'm an evil spirit, Calucifer Then, Calucifer. Can you dispel the curse on me? Yeah. That's pretty easy. I'll dispel the curse on you right away, if you let me be free. That means I make a deal with an evil, doesn't it? Are you sure that you can keep such a promise like this? You see, I'm an evil. I never keep promises. Find someone else, then. Are you gonna abandon such a pity evil like me with no mercy? I've been bound by Howl's magic. So I have no freedom. Look at this castle, I am the one who is running this castle. See? Is that so..., what a pity evil. If you found out and spelled out the secret behind Howl and me, my curse would be dispelled. If you will do it for me, I'll dispel your curse, too. Ok, then.. Deal is made. Hey, are you listening, granny? Oh,no... I'm nervous. Wow! Who is this? Harbor town, it is. I wonder when she came in. Well, well. There, you are, town mayor Sun is already high in the sky. Is Master Jenkins home? My master is away. I'll pass your message to him, if you don't mind. It's an invitation letter from His Majesty. War is about to begin. He orders wizards, magicians and even witches to join the war Denial is not accepted. See you, then. I hate war Who are you? Calucifer let me in. I didn't. We came from Waste Land From Waste Land? That's bizarre Aren't you a witch, are you? Witches can't come in. You know that? It Harbor town, is again. Is someone out there? I'm coming. What can I do for you, little miss? I got a message from my mom, sir. The same spell as the previous one, isn't it? Yes, sir. You have to be quiet, OK! Oh, my... It's not Waste Land here... Granny? Are you also a witch? Witch? Yes, I am. I'm the most fearful witch in this country. If you spread out this powder, good wind will treat your ship. OK. She really works hard for her mother. You shouldn't scare such a little girl like that. You should stop that disguise like that Disguise? This is magic! Kings berry's door! I'm coming. Is this wizard Pen dragon's house? Right. I got an invitation letter from His Majesty for him. Please tell him to come to the palace. I will definitely. I feel as if I'm in a kingdom. Come in. Or you'll lose your nose. Please, stop bothering me. Stop messing around! Don't make me mad. This is a magic house, isn't it? Are you listening? Where does this black mark lead to? Master Howl only knows. I'll have my eakfast. You've got bacon and egg! Master Howl only can control that evil fire. I can handle it. Impossible. Calucifer only listens to Master Howl's order. He's right. I hate cooking. Oh, my... My hat is here. Now Calucifer. I'm counting on you. No way! I'm an evil. I won't help anyone. Are you sure? I can spill water over you, or I can have a little talk with Howl about our deal. All right! I'll do it! I shouldn't have let such an evil granny like you in the castle... What's your answer, little evil? That's it. You understand very well. I'll give you burnt bacon! She controls Calucifer... Next, I want a cup of tea. Do you have a teapot? Yes. Welcome back, Master Howl, You got a letter from the king Also Jenkins and Pen dragon did. Calucifer, you are a good boy today, aren't you? What happened to you? She bullied me! Not many people can do this Who are you? My name is Sophie. I'm the new cleaning lady. Give it to me. Can you pass me another slice of bacon and six eggs? Who decided you to be the cleaning lady? I decided by myself. I've never seen such a dirty house in my life. Marker give me a dish! Everybody bullies me! Come on join us, Mrs. Sophie. You can sit here. Choose one of them. Don't worry. They are all clean. Here you are, Marker. Thank you, master. This is for you, Mrs. Sophie. Tha... thank you. Everyone, let's start eakfast. Thank you, Sophie. Thank you, Sophie. It's been a while since I had such a gorgeous eakfast. I seem to have lots of things to teach. By the way, what's inside your pocket? What's this? I don't remember... Let me have a look. It's a magic spell! Isn't this..., Master Howl? This is really an old magic and it's powerful, too. Isn't it the Witch in Waste Land, is it, master? He, the one who grasped a shooting star...,such a mindless man, your heart is mine. It messed up the table. Unbelievable! It's gone! You can't see it anymore, but the curse is still there, I'm afraid. Everyone, you may continue eakfast. Calucifer, move the castle like another 50miles. It's delicious! Send me a hot water to the bathroom At the same time? You're killing me! Are you a follower of the Witch in Waste Land? UUUUuuuggghhhaaaaaaaaa! Don't be a fool! I am the one who,... who,... uh,... ugh That witch! I won't forgive her! Come on! Let's finish it! Bloody worms! Get out off my way! Or I'll kick you out! Everybody is making fun of me! I have something I want you to put spell on. I'm busy now. Maybe later. I've got a violent witch, trying to destroy everything in the house. Sophie! Are you listening, Sophie? Help! Give me firewood, or I'll disappear! Wh..., what are you doing? No! Wait! I can't hold it anymore! Let me put away those ashes I'll do it quickly. Don't worry. No! Don't! You are killing me! Please help me! I'm falling down! I,... I can't hold it anymore... P, Please! Sophie! Help! Hurry!P, Please! Sophie! Help! Hurry! Uuuuuaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! You almost killed my friend. Be careful next time. Master Howl? Where are you going? Tell Sophie not to clean too much. Sophie, did you do something wrong? You nearly killed me! If I die, so does Howl! I'm a cleaning lady! My job is to clean everything! No, Sophie! You aren't allowed to go up to the 2nd floor! If I were you, I would hide something important immediately You can clean my room later! Since I shouted, I feel I got my power back. What a strange house... Fantastic! Calucifer, Calucifer? Are you really running this castle? I am! So what? Great, Calucifer! Your magic is really wonderful! You do a great job! Really...? Really!? Oops! Not yet! Come on! What a beautiful lake.. That is called Star Ocean. Something's stuck in that hole. Oh, my... Marker, give me a hand. Come on. Almost there... A scarecrow! His name is turnip head. Hey, you. You really like to be upsidedown, don't you? I met many strange things, didn't I? He followed me. Aren't you really a witch? Yes, indeed. I'm the tidiest witch in this country. You're pulling too much, turnip head! He seems to like laundries, doesn't he? Thanks to him, they will dry faster. Maybe, turnip head is an evil too, because Calucifer doesn't complain about anything. You may be right. He might be the Death. Whatever he is, I'm very happy Because I couldn't have come to such a wonderful place like this without him. Sophie, I put all the laundries into the castle. Ah, thank you. I think it's time to go back to the castle. Strange..., I've never felt so relaxed like this before. You, stink. The smell is like an animal and burnt iron. If you fly for too long, you'll never be able to return to the normal shape Isn't it great? Sophie gave me these firewoods. War started. It was a sea of flame from southern ocean to northern boundary... I hate fire that comes from gunpowder. I was attacked by someone similar in kind Witch in Waste Land? No. They weren't any matche for me, but they had already turned into monsters Sooner or later, they will definitely regret themselves. They won't be able to go back to human form. They are fine. They've already forgotten how to regret. Howl You've been called by the king, haven't you? Yeah. Would you send me a hot water to the bathroom? What? Again? Is it Howl? I think he uses too much hot water. I think Master Howl will never eat it. Let's see what happens. Good morning. Good morning. I love markets in the morning. I've never seen the sea before Isn't it beautiful? It's like there are diamonds in the water. It's always the same. Thank you. Bye. Come again. I hate potato. You pay. They are all fresh just came out of the sea. I hate fish. Fleet is back!T hey are back! Really? They seemed to have gotten a serious damage. You are kidding! I'll be back soon, ma'am. It's going to sink! Hold on! You're nearly there! Sophie, let's go closer. I'm scared. I'm not going. Please... That ship was the state-of-the-art battleship. I wonder what could beat it. Marker, I see a dark human. Huh...? Don't look at him! He is one of Witch in Waste Land's followers I guess normal humans can't see him. There! Over there! Look at it! It dropped the bomb! Sophie, look! That's an enemy's battleship! Sophie, stop! Sophie! You that isn't him. Don't pick up our enemy's fliers! Sophie, are you ok? I need a glass of water. aaahhhhhhhhh! Sophie you touched something in the cabinet in the bathroom, didn't you? Look at this! It's your fault! I don't want this hair color! You have beautiful hair. Look more carefully! Sophie, because YOU rearranged stuff up there, my spell got messed up! I didn't do such a thing. I just cleaned the bathroom. That's why I told you not to clean everything too much! I'm ruined... What a humiliation... Your hair doesn't look that bad. That color is not bad either. I'm hopeless. I'm not handsome anymore... I want to die. Howl, calm down. Stop! He summons a dark spirit. He summoned it before, when he was refused by a girl. OK, Howl. Nothing gets better by doing this. You can change your hair color again, can't you? That's enough. Do whatever you want! I've never been beautiful! I don't wanna stay here anymore! Thank you, turnip head. You're a kind scarecrow. Come back, Sophie. Master Howl is in trouble. Howl, stop it! Or I'll disappear! Sophie! Hurry up! I have to clean that up after all, don't I? Is he dead...? He'll be OK. nobody died, because of being short-tempered. Marker, I need your help. I need lots of hot water. Come on. You'll be OK. Thanks, Marker. See you later. I have to start it all over again Look. I'm coming in. I made hot milk. It'll make you warm I'll put it here. You should drink it before it gets cold. Please stay with me, Sophie Do you want to drink milk? Witch in Waste Land is looking for this castle. Really? I saw her follower at the harbor. I'm actually a coward. These interiors are all amulets. I've been scared every second. Why on earth have you been targeted by Witch in Waste Land? She was totally evil-minded. I'm the one who had contact with her, because I found her interesting. And then, I ran away. And this time, I was summoned by the king. Also Jenkins and Pen dragon were. How many names do you have, Howl? Several names enough to live my life of freedom... I see. You have no choice but to obey the king's order? Look!. I had to have a contract with the king when I entered the school of magic. So, Howl, why don't you go and see the king, then? Say to him, I don't want to help you with this stupid war. . Sophie you can say it easily, because you don't know what kind of people they are. He's the king, isn't he? He's supposed to care about his people, isn't he? That's right! Sophie, you can go to see the king! What do you mean? You go as Pen dragon's mom. And say, My son is coward and useless. . If you say so, Madam Saliman might give up. Madam Saliman? After all your work to clean my cloths. Do you still wear that hat? I'm off. See you guys later. See you later. Good luck, Sophie. It'll protects you from Witch in Waste Land. You're gonna be fine. I'm coming with you by transforming into something Good luck!. I doubt if it's gonna work... He's supposed to protect me. I hope that crow isn't him. I think Howl transformed into something identical. I hope he's not that one. Still long way to go to get to the palace Howl, are you Howl? You are mean. You didn't need to become an OLD dog! You don't know how stressful and tiring it is to be an OLD lady. Hello, again. Aren't you the shop keeper of the hat shop? Isn't she Witch in Waste Land? Thank you for handing the letter to Howl. How is he doing? He was trembling in fear. I'm working for him as a cleaning lady, by the way. It's good for you. But why do you need to go to the palace? I'm asking the government for job. I'm fed up with being Howl's cleaning lady. How about you? What are you doing here? I'm going to see the king. it finally seems that Saliman, that idiot, can't do it without me anymore. I'm not interested in that topic. But dispel this curse you put on me. Unfortunately, no. I can spell the curse on, but I can't dispel it. Farewell. Ciao. Wait, you can't go! Wait! I would have gone up to her and hit her, if you hadn't been like that! What's going on? What happened to you guys? Madam, magic is forbidden from here on. You can only walk. Is that you, Saliman? Do you want ME to go up stairs on foot? I'm catching up. You can't stare at her like that. Oh, my...! I hate this. Why are you so heavy? Hey! You! Why don't you wait for me? What do you want? Did you remember how to dispel my curse? I said I forgot. I can't dispel. You'd better study hard! I don't understand... Why is she still that vital? Let me have a small eak. Hey, you! You'd better give up today. It's impossible for you to climb all the way to the top. Since..., I..., was..., kicked out..., of the palace..., 50 years ago..., I had been..., waiting for this chance... Do whatever you want, then unfortunately I can't be kind to you to take your hand. Come on, Howl. How cold-hearted are you! I'll turn you into even OLDER women next time! Come on! Hurry! Quick, quick! Hello, Madam. This way, please. But, I think you should help that lady down there, first. We are not allowed to take anyone's hand, I'm afraid, Madam. How cruel! Didn't the king summon us to the palace? Hey, you! Keep up! You can do it! You're nearly there. Don't you have more stamina? Shut up! You look terribly and older in such a short period. Mrs. Pen dragon, and Witch in Waste Land! Are you OK? You wanted to come here, didn't you? Mrs. Pen dragon, and Witch in Waste Land! Pen dragon? I've heard of that name before... Of course you do. This is the name of the hat shop I was working for. I doubt it!. Wait here please.. Howl, come over here! Come this way please, Madam. You are Howl's mother? My name is Pen dragon, your highness. You're tired, aren't you? You may sit there. Thank you. How do you do? My name is Saliman, a royal sorcerer. Ah..., your highness? That dog is... This dog? His name is Hean, my lovely I asked him to guide you all the way here. So, you want to say Howl is not coming, is he? Howl, my son, is such a coward and a incapable wizard. Your highness I don't think he can help the king. I'm disappointed... Oh, Howl was my last apprentice... He used to be incredibly talented. I even thought about giving him my position soon. I was so pleased of it. however his heart was stolen by evil, and then he left right after... He began to use magic for his own purpose. Howl's mother. Yes. He is too dangerous he's got too much power, but he doesn't have enough strength in is heart to control it. I'm afraid he's going to be like Witch in Waste Land if you don't do anything for him. Bring her here.. Hey, you! Are you OK? She's all right. I ought her back to her real age. She has no magic power anymore. She also used to be very talented in magic. Since she made deals with evils gradually her body and soul had been eaten up. Now, the kingdom is not going to allow those back-alley wizards and witches to live unchecked. I'm going to tell him how to end his deal with evils if you ing him here and he promises he'll be devoted to the king. If he doesn't come, I'll take away all his power. Like that poor lady. Your highness, Now I see why Howl didn't want to come here. Something's wrong here. You let old ladies like us climb up such a long stair without any help, even though you summoned us. And you led us to a strange room like that. It's like a trap! Howl has no heart? You are right in a way that he's coward and selfish, and sometimes I can't see what he's thinking. But he is honest. He just wants to live with freedom. He's not coming. He's not going to be evil. And he can handle his relationship by himself. I believe so. Howl's mother, you are in love with him, aren't you Howl, Howl's coming? I want to eat his heart. I want it! You, why don't you just give up? Howl's not coming! Yes, he is. I found his weak point Your Majesty. You should still stay in bed, Saliman Do you feel better? I feel well today, Your Majesty. I got bored with meetings, so I took a walk in the sky for a while. Good for you, Your Majesty. Who are those ladies? She is mother of the wizard Howl. I'm glad to see you,I pretty appreciate Saliman's effort, but I don't think I will use magic in battle In fact, enemy's bombs never reach this palace because of Saliman's magic power. Instead, they do it to surrounding towns, I'm afraid. That's the way it is. Don't you think, Saliman? Absolutely. You are very philosophical today, Your Majesty. There you are, Saliman! Finally, we're getting into the final battle! We must beat them completely in this Saliman, this time you made such a illiant double. I'll come back with good news! I'm looking forward to hearing it, Your Majesty. All generals are ready? Yes. It's been a while, Howl. I'm so glad to see you again, Master. I knew it was you. I didn't eak the promise. I don't want to fight against you, Master. I'm going home with my mother. I won't let you go. Don't look at the ground. She is extremely powerful. Show your mother your real identity! Howl, no! Hang on tight! Sophie, move to the front! After all, you ought everybody with you, didn't you? doggy You are on Saliman's side, aren't you? I want you to get you off somewhere. You can't fly, can you? Sophie, you drive. Are you kidding? That's insane! They are catching up! Already I'll take care of them. Sophie, you keep flying to the castle in Waste Land, OK? Are you serious? I've never even driven a car! Did you forget you are wearing the ring? It will guide you to the castle. Call Calucifer in your hand. Call Calucifer...? It worked. Head to the direction the light is pointing at. That's it. I suppose you'll get there by the evening. I think I didn't need to go to the palace, because you came after all! I did, because you were there, Sophie I couldn't have been there if I had been without you. You saved me. It was really close I tell you. Don't release the wheel suddenly! You drive very well. No way! Wow, you threw them away a bit. I'll make them blind for five seconds, so that you can go further. Howl! No, thanks. Thanks. It was really an exciting moment. Howl believes he escaped successfully, but he didn't. He has a very young mother, doesn't he by the way? Don't expect me to be friendly with you. Besides, I still don't trust you. You know that? The castle is there! It's welcoming us! Over here, Sophie! Marker! I have a little problem. Where is the ake!? Sophie! Doggy!. I'm successfully home, Marker! Are you OK, Sophie? I'm was very worried about you! Thank you for catching us. That's no good! You did too much! Was it Howl? Did he come back? Howl! Howl!Are you OK, Howl? You got injured, didn't you does it.. hurt? Don't..., come... I came to help you! I want to set you free from the curse put on you! You should dispel your own curse first. And why do you try to do this for monster like me? Because I'm in love with you! It's too late! Howl Howl did come back, didn't he? Sophie, I want to set the curse between Howl and me free. Don't you still know the secret between us yet? Our time is ticking to the end... Howl is turning into a demon, isn't he? Is that right? I can't tell you the truth!.Because I'm an evil. You know that! Listen, Calucifer. Saliman told me Howl gave you something very important for him. What and where is it? I can't speak about the secret of the contract. Or I'll give you water. Didn't you hear? If I die, Howl dies too. Good morning, turnip head.Are you allright. All right, Sophie! Come on! OK! Calucifer, open the mouse bigger! 3, 2, 1, GO! Come on! Hang on tight! Let's get it through! Why..., don't..., you MOVE! It's a bunch of bits and pieces inside the castle. I can't imagine it from the outside. Everyone! It's time for lunch! Here's your porridge, granny. Sophie, she's Witch in Waste Land. Why do you take care of her? She is a harmless poor old lady now. She's staring at me all the time. What a beautiful fire... Howl? Hey, everybody! Welcome back. Master howl, may I keep this dog? Witch in Waste Land and Master Saliman's dog…, I'm impressed you got all of them in the castle, Calucifer. How tolerant you are. I didn't granted! But Sophie forced me to let them in! What a big hole you made! You are Turnip head, right? You've also got a complicated curse on you, haven't you? There are full of mysterious members who have sophisticated backgrounds in our family. How handsome you are, young boy. Well, it's gonna be very busy today.!We're saying goodbye to Waste Land and moving to somewhere else. But to where...? Great! Because we're running out of food, we needed a house in a town so that we can go shopping. That's right. We have to move to a place where Master Saliman can't find us so easily. But I'm afraid you must stay here, because your magic power is too strong. This is lovely. OK, come on calucifer! Yes! This is perfect! Stay on the table until I finish the ritual I'm fragile, you know... Let's begin. Here's our destination. You can move around in our new house. Wow! Super cool, Master Howl! What a big house! What a beautiful fire... It's... Look at the toilet. Lovely, isn't it? Now we got bigger family. Sophie, come down here. Look! Sophie! I added one more room you can look inside the room. I'm familiar with this room. But why...? I made this room for you, Sophie. I hope you like it. Let's see... This room is too nice for a cleaning lady, Howl. I bought new cloths for you. Come with me for the next surprise. Sophie! Come on! Hurry up! Wow, we've got courtyard! There are many shops in this town as well. Let's go, Hean! Sophie Since we changed the door color, This is the new entrance of the castle. This is a present for you, Sophie. Here we go. This is my secret garden. Fantastic. This is also what you created by the magic? No. I used magic only for helping weak flowers. Magnificent! It's wonderful, Howl! It's like a dream... Sophie. It's strange... I feel familiar with this place as if I've been here before... I don't know why, but tears are coming out... Come with me. Look! What a cute house. That's my hiding place. I used to stay there alone in summer when I was a kid. Stayed alone...? My uncle left that lodge stealthily for me. He was also a wizard. That's also for you, Sophie. Is something wrong with you? If go there, you'll go somewhere far away and leave me behind, won't you? Howl, tell me the truth. I don't care about your real identity. Listen, I just want you to live in peace. How about opening a flower shop and sharing beautiful flowers in here with people in the town? I think you can handle it. Are you leaving after that? I want to help you. Obviously, I'm not a beautiful girl. Only thing I can do is clean the house, though. Sophie, you are beautiful. You really are. Good thing about being old is to have fewer things to lose. How could anyone pass the beautiful place like this by a bloody battleship? To where's it heading? To towns to kill people... Is that enemy or...? Both do the same thing. They kill each other. They are addicted to killing. Look at the amount of bombs they are carrying. It stopped... Did you use magic? A little bit. It's not going down, anyway. Howl, you... I wonder if they found us. They are Master Saliman's lowest class monsters. Run! Move your legs! Sophie, what's the matter? Ouch! This is enough! I'm leaving this house! Sophie, good night. Good night Sophie, you don't need to be worried about Master Howl. He sometimes leaves the house for a few days. Thanks, Marker. Do you want to go to the toilet before you go to bed? I'm fine. You are in love with Howl, aren't you? And you can't concentrate on what you do, can you? I got it Granny, have you ever been in love with someone? Of course, I have. Even I do know. Are you kidding! I love young men's heart. They are delicious! You haven't given up, have you? And they are cute. What's that sound? That's air-raid siren. Air-raid? That's not for this city though, you'd better not to go out tonight. Saliman's monsters are looking for this house. You are such a clever fire... Hiding this house from them very skillfully. Sophie, that woman came into the house without permission. Mom.. Sophie! Where were you?! I've been looking for you You look like a granny. It's all my fault. Sophie, I'm sorry. Oh, mom... You rearranged inside completely. Who is that old lady over there? Ah, she must be the landlord. Sophie, listen. I married with someone else. What? He is gentle. He's rich as well. We can live together again. You should quit being a clean lady. Thank you for caring about me, but I love my life here. Are you sure? Oh, no! I forgot my car's waiting outside. I have to go. Poisonous sneak created by a spell? Saliman, you use an old ploy, don't you? Calucifer, burn it. I'm always praying for your happiness, mom. Thank you. You, too Sophie. I did what I was told. I want to go back to my husband. Sure. Madam Saliman will be proud of you. So sorry..., Sophie. So many people... After everyone runs away, the town will be empty... Do you want to evacuate with them, too? That lady said so. You're right. We were reconciled to each other. I don't want you to leave, Sophie! I like you very much, Sophie. Please live with us. I like you very much, too Marker. I won't go anywhere. Really? You and I are family? Of course, we are. I was so worried about it. I won't give you Howl, Saliman. The paper says the kingdom won. Only the youth believe that. Strange..., Calucifer doesn't seem to be there. Granny, I hate smoke. The smell is everywhere in the house. Are you going to take away my only enjoyment? Would you open the window, Marker? I think you shouldn't open the window. Calucifer's weak now. Monsters are coming in. Marker? Close it quickly! Marker, you take care of granny. I'm going to watch the shop. I can't believe it in such an emergency! Why don't you guys put out fire? Howl! They have no mercy. Oh, Howl! Sorry, I'm late. There were too many enemies tonight. Howl... Howl Calucifer, get up! Madam, is it a present from Saliman? That granny had me eating something bad. Well, there you are, Howl. I wish we could have a longer talk, Howl. My pleasure, Madam. However, we've got no time, I'm afraid. I'm impressed you don't run away from me this time. I talk to you later, Madam. You must stay here, Sophie. Calucifer will protect you. I'll protect you from outside. Wait howl! You can't go! Stay with me, please. Next bomb attack is coming. Calucifer can't defend from bomb. We better flee from here. Don't fight! Flee? I don't want to run away anymore. I finally found someone to protect no matter what it costs.!That is you. Howl! Our town's burning! Howl is there. Howl! Sophie!.. Turnip head! Marker, come with me. Moving again? That's impossible! It's empty over there! He has to fight because we are here. I prefer him as a coward. Granny, stand up. Are we gonna take a walk? But Saliman will find us immediately. She's found us already. And I have to stop him before it becomes too late. Sophie! The castle looks horrible outside. It always does. Marker, you take care of granny. You're coming with us, too. Ride on it. No, I can't. I'm not allowed to move away from the fireplace due to the contract. If you can't, I can do it for you. No! I'm fragile!.. No! Stop it!.. You'll kill me! If I get out of the house, it'll collapse completely. I don't care. Let's go! Keep away from me. You should let me be the last. Even I don't know what will happen if I go out of the castle. That's why I told you It would collapse. It started raining! Is he going to the town? Marker, you take care of granny. Hey, turnip head. Would you find somewhere we can enter? You'll be OK, granny. I'll be with you. Marker, we can get in from here. It's leaking. I'm dying... I'll be back soon. It's wet here. It's not dry! Marker, you ing granny over here. It's empty inside the castle. Even if we didn't move here, Howl and me could prevent the attack. Calucifer, please. Only you can do it. I want to go to where he is right now. Would you please move the castle? I believe you can do it. I know you have such a great power. But there's no chimney, and there are few dry woods either... Don't you know the proverb saying that a real professional does his perfect work no matter where he is? I know what you mean. But... Do you think I am? You are the most beautiful fire I've ever seen, Calucifer. Granny, you can sit here. Can you give me something that is part of you? A part of ME? I need someone's contribution. Your eyes will do. How about my hair? You are wonderful, Calucifer! You are the best spirit of fire in the world! Give me your eyes or heart, so that I can be even more powerful. Heart? Give me your heart! Heart? Give me your heart! My goodness!.. Howl is over there! He is surrounded by monsters! Calucifer, you're the best spirit of fire, aren't you? My goodness! Granny! No! Give me your heart. Immediately! Granny! I'm burning! I'm burning! Let Calucifer go! Let him go, or you are going to die! No! It's mine! I'm burning! Sophie! Sophieeeeeeeeee! Hean, I did terrible thing. I spread water over Calucifer! What should I do if Howl dies because of me? The ring is shining. Is he still alive? Tell me where is Howl is right now! The door of the castle? Howl! I think I'm in his childhood right now. Howl! Calucifer! My name is Sophie. Don't forget about me! I'll be catching up! Wait for me in future! I walk, Hean. I do. Tears are coming down automatically. Howl. Sorry. I had never been decisive. Howl, you'd been waiting for me... Please take me to Calucifer. Is he dead? He'll be fine. Granny? It's not my business. I don't have anything. Please, granny. Do you really want this? I lost. You'll keep it safe, OK? Here you are. Thank you very much, granny. Calucifer... Sophie... I'm exhausted... If he gets his heart back, are you going to disappear? I'll be OK, Sophie. Maybe. You spread water over me, but Howl and me didn't die after all. I'll give him back his heart into his body. Warm... It's like I'm holding a small bird. I haven't changed since childhood. I wish Calucifer will live another a thousand years.. and Howl will regain his heart and spirit. I'm still alive! I'm free! He moved... He's alive! Calucifer's magic's gone. Turnip head! Turnip head! Are you all right? I'll find you a new stick. Turnip head. You saved our lives... You saved me, Sophie. I'm a prince of your neighboring country. I had been turned into Turnip head. Only way to dispel your curse was to be kissed by someone whom you love. That's right. I would have been dead, if Sophie hadn't saved me. What a handsome boy you are!.. What's going on here? My goodness! My body's really heavy... You got it! Yes, because your heart is heavy. See? Your hair... It's like the color of stars... you're beautiful... I love you, Howl! You can see Sophie's frame of mind? At first, you have to go back to your country and stop this stupid war. Yes, I will. After war is over, I'll definitely visit her, again. It is said, no one can ever decide which direction one's love goes... . I think you are right. I'll be waiting for you, then. I almost forgot about you. What is your excuse? What do you think you were doing? Happy ending? Is it what you're gonna say? I didn't know you are such a Cassanova. Happy ending, huh? Arrange a meeting with prime minister and chief of staff. We have to work hard on finishing this pointless war. Calucifer! Now you are free, Calucifer. I want to be with you guys. I won't need to be worried about rain if I stay with you. Welcome back, Calucifer. Translated by Dice dice@zenno. jp. Subtitle editing by R2theC (nase48@yahoo. com).

What? I said I just wanted to speak What the hell? What's with the way you fucking talk? Who the fuck are you? My... name is... Oh Daesu Why are you picking on someone else's girlfriend? Hold on Am I picking on you? Mr. Oh Daesu! Am I picking on you? Fuck! Okay! Okay, I got it Just a minute Okay! Okay! Fuck! Oh Daesu please sit down Oh boy Must have drunk a lot Who the hell did I pick on? Hold on, let me piss first Hey, this is a police station I didn't do anything! Hey! You son of a bitch! We really have to do something about him Asshole! Mr. Oh Daesu Oh man It is, so sit down I'm very sorry Fuck, I gotta piss bad Ah, great Cute, huh? Yeah I saw it Now go sit down Today's my daughter's birthday I got her a present for her birthday Snatches of clouds floatin the sky Ah, great A pleasure boat floats in the river My name Oh Daesu, means... Getting along with people That's why I'm Oh Daesu But, shit... Why can't I get along today? Set me free! Huh! Shut the hell up! Shush! Set me free! Let go of me, damn it! That son of a bitch really needs some prison time Get away from me! Hey, get him! Ow, fuck, ouch! I'll make sure he doesn't get drunk and cause trouble again Have a nice day Officer He's usually a nice guy but... Let's go I'll come visit you soon We don't want you to come back That's up to me you assholes Hey! My Sweet Pea It's daddy Daddy got my Sweet Pea a present I'll be home soon with your gift, so wait a bit longer Let me talk to her Good girl, good Good girl, good Give me the phone Yeun hee, Joo hwan wants to talk to you You know Joo hwan, right? Hold on Hi, Yeun hee It's me, Joo hwan So today's your birthday? Happy birthday I'll treat you to something nice tomorrow Hello? Oh hello, Ja hyun I'm sorry I know it's very late Daesu is on his way now I'm sorry Yes? Hold on Daesu, it's your wife Daesu! Daesu! Daesu! Hey, Daesu! Daesu! Hey, Daesu! Couldn't you hurry up a bit Hey, stop fooling around and let's go Ah, great Daesu! Daesu! Hey, Daesu! Sir, sir Wait come here Come talk to me I won't tell you to let me go Just tell me why I'm here, okay? I should know the reason at least Shit, I've been locked up here for two months already Sir, wait, come here Sir, wait What is this place? Sir, just tell me how long I have to stay in here Just tell me that, huh? Sir! Fuck you! Come here, you asshole! Son of a bitch I saw your face, asshole You're dead if I get out Come here, asshole I'm sorry I won't curse Just tell me One month, two or three? Hey! Hey, where are you going? Just tell me how long you son of a bitch! I said tell me how long you asshole! You son of a bitch! You fucking assholes! If they had told me it was going to be 15 years could it have been easier to endure? Or could it have not? When the melody turns on gas comes out When the gas comes I fall asleep I found out later that it's the same Valium gas Russian soldiers used on the Chechen terrorists When I wake up my hair has been cut I don't like the style really But they change my clothes and clean the place up Grateful bastards One two three It's too spicy I don't want spinach You eat it I won't eat spinach I don't want to eat spinach Kim Jahyun's body was found deeply stabbed in the neck Seeing that it was a cold blooded murder with nothing valuable stolen police suspect that the motive was out of hatred Her husband who disappeared a year ago is a prime suspect According to witnesses her husband, Oh Daesu drank often causing trouble with his wife and neighbors said they fought frequently Blood samples found at the scene matched Oh Daesu's Fingerprints found on a cup also matched Oh Daesu's It was confirmed by sources that Oh Daesu visited his wife recently The stolen family album also backs their theories After three years many wrinkles have formed on his face Ah, that is around 8 million wons 8 million wons? For a knife 8 million wons... Of course for a sushi master you need the best tools If you stand aimlessly at a phone booth on a rainy day and meet a man whose face is covered by a violet um ella, I'd suggest that you get close to the TV The television is both a clock and calendar It's your school, home church, friend and lover But... But, my lover's song is too short This morning around 7:30 the top 50m of the Sungsoo Bridge in Seoul suddenly collapsed in the middle... I wrote down all the people whom I fought with, bothered, and hurt This was both my prison journal and autobiography of my evil deeds I thought I had lived an average life but I've sinned too much All I thought about at that moment was that the guy next door probably ate with one chopstick But... But who would've imprisoned me? Was it Yoo Heung sam? Lee So young or Kang Changsuk? Whoever it was, just wait Wait a bit more I'll rip your whole body apart and no one will be able to find your body anywhere Because I'm going to chew it all down One line for one year I have to sew six lines at first I guess next year will be easier The more the tattoos the shorter the chopstick The shorter the chopstick the bigger the wall's hole gets Anyway, time passes well 9 years 10 years 11 years Enforcement of an arrest warrant Handover of Hong Kong Yesterday's convention center Death of Princess Diana Funeral for Princess Diana Westminister Monastery IMF, Financial support officially approved 12 years Artillery Salute Arrival of President Kim Dae Jung in Pyungyang Underdog Korea! Miraculous Quarterfinals! 13 years Elected Elected Noh Moo Hyun 49 11, 502, 958 14 years I'll be out in a month I'll be out in a month I'll be out I'll be out after a month I'll be out of here I'll be out in a month In exactly one month I'll be out I'll need money when I get out So what should I do? Should I steal or rob? What shall I eat first? Anything will be fine except for fried dumplings Where am I anyway? With all the cars honking it must be the city The most important thing is what floor I'm on What if I pierce through the wall and it's the 52nd floor? Even if I fall to my death I'm still getting out I'm getting out I'm getting out In one month, I'm getting out Right now you're lying on a plain When you hear the bell you will turn your head and look down You will see an endless field of green grass The sun is shining ight and there's a cool eeze It's a human being Don't stop me! Mister Even though I'm no worst than a beast don't I have the right to live? Mister Even though I'm no worst than a beast don't I have the right to live? Yes That phone booth alley was just here Now there's an apartment building So he throws me on the roof What a numskull I want to tell you my story Delay your death What? I see Of course Now I'll tell you my story You see the reason why I want to die... Hey! It's a woman being That lunatic... Hurry, go! Hey, Mr.! Come over here! Laugh and the world laughs with you Weep and you weep alone My home is gone I can't call either my friend or relatives Since I'm the one who murdered my wife Since I'm a fugitive Really Come on, you will lose Yeah, I agree You little piece of shit You dickshit! Dickshit... Never heard of it Since the TV doesn't teach you curse words Can imaginary training for 15 years be put to use? It can Oplegnathus fasciatus Lives in the warm waters of coastal reefs A fish with weak reflexes but can resist unyieldingly once it's caught in a hook In Kyungsang Province its offspring... What's this smell? Don't even think about asking me any questions I don't know a thing Yes? I said I want something alive Oh, right Long time no see This is my first time Maybe not? But she looks familiar You look very familiar Have I seen you somewhere? Searching for the Best Chefs On Ch 11 every Thursday at 6:30 The youngest female chef of Japanese food Oh that? They said the ratings are low but I guess it's popular Women's hands are usually warm so they can't make sushi Wow, you sure do know a lot Who are you? Do you like your clothes? Why... Why did you imprison me? Who do you think I am? Yoo Heungsam? Wrong Did Lee Soyoung hire you? No, wrong again Lee Jongyong? Kang Changsuk? Hwang Jooyeun? Kim Nasung? Park Ji woo? Im Dukyoon? Lee Jaepyung? Kuk Suran? Who the hell are you? Me? I'm sort of a scholar And my major is you A scholar studying Oh Daesu An expert on Oh Daesu Who I am isn't important Why is important Think it over Review your whole lifetime Since school is over it's time for your homework Right? Keep this in mind Be it a grain of sand or rock, in water they sink as the same Let me ask you one thing You hypnotized me in there didn't you? What did you do to me? I miss you... Hurry and come to me Here you are It's alive, right? I'll slice it up now I must be a different eed of women My hands are very cold, you see What's with her? Sir Sir Keep this in mind Be it a grain of sand or rock, in water they sink as the same Awake now? Is this true? That fever remedy really works Why'd you faint if you trained so much? A lack of needed sunlight depletes you of vitamins A and E So I'm not immune to influenza Do you usually talk that way? The bathroom door is oken and doesn't lock Don't get any ight ideas Or else I'll slice you like sushi What's this? Suppositories How else could I feed you medicine if you fainted? Can imaginary training for 15 years be put to use? It can't That was very bad of me After inging you here and rejecting you, I understand why you're mad I do I ought you here because I like you, too But... You even don't know my name I'm Mido You see Later When I'm really ready later, I swear on my life that I will That song, The Face I Miss in your diary, That's the sign When I sing it then get yourself ready When it actually happens... I could resist again at the heat of the moment But no matter what don't ever back out Just give it to me! Give it to me? The ants... Do you still see them? Do you still feel that way? Yeah, if you're alone you see the ants Very lonely people that I met they all hallucinated ants at one time After I thought about it ants move around in groups you know So I guess very lonely people keep thinking about ants Even though I never did She called from overseas five or six years ago asking if her dad showed up She doesn't even know that he killed her mother Since she has few relatives she calls us Her Korean has gotten bad I think her foster parents are both doctors Anyhow, Miss Reporter Daesu really hasn't been caught yet? Your daughter's address is on the front and on the back is a map to your wife's grave Eva... Stockholm... Eva... Do you want to call her? Want me to call her? Wanna go to the grave together? No, after I kill that bastard first Blue Dragon Is it right? I haven't chewed it yet Blue Dragon So? Is that the taste? Be it 10 or 100 restaurants it doesn't matter I can never forget that taste for 15 years, Blue Dragon Want me to make you an ID to log in? Do you have a favorite movie or song? I talked to him The Count of Monte Cristo? There's no one by that name here How's life in a bigger prison Oh Daesu? Who are you? Who are you? The lonely prince in the high tower, Don't forget me Who's this bastard? I don't know him I just chat with him sometimes And talk about sushi, too Where are you going? Where are you going? I can't trust you Magic Blue Dragon Magic Blue Dragon! What could that mean? Why the hell did they order from a restaurant this far away? I've gone by five Chinese restaurants already My lungs feel like exploding Tell your cooks to put less scallions in the dumplings Sure Set it down and go Okay We don't work on anyone being protected by bodyguards There are other people who specialize in that You can hire them We just work on the small fries If it's over six months transportation fee is free Yes, of course Why'd you lock me up, you... Dickshit In our 7.5 floor business, our clients' info is top secret I'm going to pay you back for all 15 years Each one I yank out will make you age one year Ready to talk? I don't know I didn't see his face I recorded it AB blood types raise your hand Go, he lost a lot of blood Damn, look at him Is he dead? You little piece of shit... Damn Hey, you piece of shit! Go, motherfucker! Get the fuck out! Hey, fuckface! What, you fucked up son of a bitch! Just kill him damn asshole Fucking goddamn asshole! I'm almost done Stay still As expected I can't get along today either I've now become a monster When my vengeance is over, can I return as the old Daesu? Mister, are you alright? Look at all this blood Mister, what happened to you? Saewoon Apartments in Eung am, building 8 Please take care of him Thank you Not at all Well, then... Farewell Oh Daesu Farewell Oh Daesu Oh Daesu Farewell Farewell Any bastard you hate, but can't dare to kill Any bitch you detest, but want more than kill We are at your service Wouldn't he go crazy if he's locked up for a long time? Well, if you prefer he doesn't we can mix drugs into his drink Ristedal Solution It's a well trusted drug used to treat schizophrenia Well, the duration is important so how long will he... 15 years Too long? What did he do? Oh Daesu, you see talks too much Go to sleep Time to visit Joo hwan at the Internet cafe tomorrow Sit wherever you'd like Joo hwan Oh Daesu, you see talks too much Have you heard this voice before? Is there anyone who hates me this much? I don't know all the 260 names of your women's husbands Who's Mido? This girl who cries over nothing Joo hwan Did I really talk too much? My friend, I'd like for you to find that criminal among people you're close to Congratulations Your case was automatically dismissed yesterday But remember this by all means Open quote Like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter... Like a bird from the snare of the fowler... Free yourself Close quote Who are you? What about you you rotten bastard? I made up my mind when I was imprisoned That I won't trust anyone if I get out If there's anyone who I find suspicious then I'll create a secret that person and I will only know That ID, Monster, is a trap that I made to catch you You lead a stranger to your place Who the hell are you? Who's Evergreen? I tracked down that Evergreen ID and found the owner's name Ready to jot it down? It's Su Daeoh, That's a strange rare surname Address? In Eungam Saewoon Apartments Building 7, room 407 I'm not doing fine Within life in a bigger prison... Evergreen Who are you? You meant to ask this, right? You must find out on your own Come on, it's a game First, who? Then, why? If you figure it out come see me anytime I'll raise your score You have until July 5th Oh no, only five days left Too short? Hang in there If you succeed I'll kill myself and not Mido That's right, Mido I'm going to kill every woman you love until you die Well, you're notorious for not protecting your women Wow, you're strong Mr. Monster Yes, you are the very monster I created But you won't find out the why? if you do this 15 years of being curious would go to waste So is that okay with you? Sit down there Oh, the famous teeth torture You won't have enough time to torture me Since I have a weak heart I have a pacemaker in my chest When it was put in know what I asked the doctor? Doctor Hopkins give me a remote control to turn that motor off Pardon? Why? So that I can kill myself easily at anytime I'll give you $100,000 more Oh, what will you do? You want to kill me right away but you won't know why you were imprisoned You want to torture me but I say I'll kill myself first Do you seek revenge or do you find the truth? Oh, you're in a tough spot I've been watching over you for 15 years I faired well thanks to you I wasn't bored or lonely Seeking revenge is the best cure for someone who got hurt Try it The loss of 15 years the pain of losing your wife and child you can forget all this Once again revenge is good for your health But... What happens after you've revenged yourself? I bet that hidden pain will probably come back again Are you there, Daesu? Daesu, long time no see Hasn't she been tied up for too long? I think you also left the door open Please save me But I could die first Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose This dentist is really good Don't move Don't move What's with you? Now... Here we go You see they say that people shrivel up because they have an imagination So do not imagine You'll become ave as hell Now, here comes the real thing Yes? You know I'm glad you told me about this place but I haven't even started What? Let's go Let's really go Let's fight Let's fight What a roughneck Your hand I'm going to chop off your hand You touched Mido's easts Then what about my tongue? You still don't trust me you rotten bastard? It looks hard to accomplish I looked into it, and the reason why the bank refused to pay $270 m; Il; on isn't because our building has any irregularities, They have an internal problem at their bank So I think there won't be any problems Although Chairman Choi's equity share is at 25 percent... Daesu Yeah Did he really say that he'll kill me? Yeah Because you love me? Daesu What? I wonder where my love is The night is getting lonelier The words we spoke through our eyes can be felt through the hands So many nights have passed Yet my feelings are constant towards you Tears flood out from my eyes But there is a face that I miss They packed their stuff and left in a rental car Mido called the restaurant and quit Let's go after this is done You should get some rest today I can't even sleep Since I am forlorn Mr. Han Do you really think Mido has fallen in love with Daesu? Already? Daesu, it really hurts But I'm enduring it You must know this How'd you hold out? For 15 years? There's always a way Do you like it? You really like it, right? I want to be good to you Do not worry about future Don't imagine anything I feel like thanking all those years in that prison If I wasn't in there, could Mido have liked me still? He could only know that I wanted to chop off Mr. Park's hand by putting a bug on us and he knew our whereabouts by tailing us I've been bugged Please find it You know maybe he freed you because he has fun watching you run wild seeking revenge And never tell you why so he can toy with you forever You think that's why? Evergreen Press an online printing system Evergreen Pasta and Pizza Evergreen Services specializing in security, parking, cleaning Evergreen Tree Garden Evergreen Old Boy Sangnok High School alumni homepage Evergreen Secret Diary Jung Sang rok's personal site Norwegian Wood, Evergreen... Welcome to Evergreen Old Boys The Sangnok High School Alumni Homepage But it's time to close up Can't I look at the records of Class '79? It's dark so turn on the lights Take your time Joo hwan? Let me ask you something Do you know Lee Woojin of Class '79? I think he went to America to study Lee Woojin? Don't know him So is that the bastard's name? How'd you find out? I looked through all the school's albums and found his face I don't know who someone is just with a name Got anything else? Why don't you look for the school records or something? Do you know Lee Soo ah? She was in the same grade Lee Soo ah? She died What class was she in? Homeroom two of our senior year She was in my room Next to yours So what about her? Why is there no photo? Ah, she died so that's why How did Soo ah die? That's right, you wouldn't know She died after you transferred She went alone to the Habchun and fell into the river She croaked like a dead fish A week later they found her bloated body in the water What was she like? Her? She was a total slut On the outside she acted like a prude but she was a filthy whore on the inside Rumors had it that that slut fucked everyone at school I should've gotten in there I also heard that her family was really rich Her grades were good, too But the bad thing was that she was a slut Man Wow, this is such an old story Daesu! Daesu, I don't remember since it was so long ago but that Soo ah, you see... Wait, Daesu, you also... Hey what's going on? Hey! Joo hwan! Joo hwan, what's with you? Joo hwan! Joo hwan! Daesu Daesu? My sister wasn't a slut You must accept this Since you got rid of your bug I had to come all the way here To eavesdrop So that's why Joo hwan died because of you Okay? I'm going to kill you! You son of a bitch! I am going to rip you into little pieces You motherfucking cocksucker! We're not open yet Please come back in an hour Someone who got six gold teeth recommended this place Mr. Park? I had to move because of you As a commemoration I installed a new TV Do you like it? There are so many channels Great, huh? There are even some who prefer to stay here You lived in a place like this for 15 years? It felt like home after 11 years though Come on I don't need money An enemy's enemy is a friend We threw away the hand 'cause it rotted Damn sons of bitches I'll kick their asses So why'd you ing me here? Huh? Let me go! If I don't return after July 5th then let her go While I was locked up here I remember someone visiting me What did that person do? Was it three times? I put a hypnosis inducing drug in your water Sodium Barbiturate? TV Man knows it all Hey Mr.! That's nonsense Even though it was a Catholic school she wouldn't die because of rumors that she was a slut There's probably another reason Could she have been pregnant? Yeah, I really don't think Soo ah was like that She was such a pure girl I know she didn't put out for anyone But she did go out with someone back then So who was that guy? I have no idea Choon shim You knew Lee Soo ah, right? Who was her boyfriend? Don't know? Shut the hell up What would you know about friendship? Shut your crap Then who'd know? Who? Joo hwan? What? Yeah, I know him But how'd he know? Yeah? Really? Okay, hang up I'll call you in a bit Choon shim said she heard it from Joo hwan And that you'd know the best Ring, ring, move aside You'll get hurt if you hesitate Oh Daesu Look at you Put it out! I'm transferring today To Seoul So butt out, Miss Kim You good for nothing! You're Oh Daesu, right? And you're Miss... among the girls You know how rumors are I heard you're really funny Say something Me being so popular is such a big hassle There's this father and son They went to the public bath, and... See you later See you later! Third Grade, Third Class pals Come on Wait Come here I won't Hurry and come here Okay, okay Satisfied? Raise this up Come on Raise it I won't What? It tickles Give it here What are you doing? Let me see What are you doing? Let me see Stop Go away Was it really Soo ah? Are you sure? I don't know her name All I know is that she's in your room, and she rides a red bike Have a good trip See you in Seoul if I go Where are you going? Going on a date with Choon shim I'll kill you if you shoot your mouth No way You get locked up for 15 years just for saying that? Was that such a big crime? Be it a grain of sand or rock in water they sink as the same That's what Lee Woojin believes Then what does July 5th stand for? That's the day Lee Soo ah died Now it's over Instead of seeking revenge you wanted to find out why you were imprisoned, right? Now we'll run away where he can never find us, right? I can't end it like this Seeking revenge has become a part of me But you don't even know where he lives Like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter... Like a bird from the snare of the fowler... Free yourself It's a phrase from Jamon 6, verse 4 Jamon in English means Maxim And Evergreen said he lives in a high tower So six and four must just be floors Fourth floor Sixth floor Or the sixty forth floor? P? Penthouse! Please insert the code What would you like me to pray? Wrong entry Please insert again Wrong entry Please insert again Dear Lord please let me meet a younger man next time Please let Woojin bow next to Daesu and make him beg for forgiveness You slept with your sister Let's go up and talk Sic him! Don't be so violent Feels great You slept with your sister I feel so refreshing And I started the rumors That's why your sister died Looking through the mirror reminds me of that day Doesn't it? Erasing my memory and telling me to find the truth was unfair I won, so die like you promised You think you forgot that day because you were hypnotized? Are you sure? Do you know the real reason why you can't remember? Let me tell you You just, forgot Is that bland? But it's true that you just forgot Why? Since it's not your business Your rumor grew so out of proportion that Soo ah being pregnant became a rumor My sister got sucked into that rumor and began believing it So her period stopped and her belly began to swell Funny, isn't it? Ever thought how'd a girl feel bearing both her child and nephew? Understand now? Your tongue got my sister pregnant It wasn't Lee Woojin's dick It was Oh Daesu's tongue Is that why you killed your sister? What? Ever thought how'd the boy feel impregnating a child and nephew? You were probably afraid Afraid that everyone will know once the baby's born When you realized that she imagined it after you killed her you hating me is understandable They said Soo ah died alone at the dam but who took this photo? And what about the date July 5th? This is no fun I'll just finish what I was saying Listen carefully My story is really fun Ever heard of posthypnotic suggestion? You suggest something during hypnosis and then it's acted out in your wakened state Still haven't figured it out? You lead a stranger to your place Who the hell are you? What about you you rotten bastard? We hypnotized both of you One very fortunate thing was that both of you were highly receptive to hypnosis compared to others Isn't this fun? One word gets you pregnant one word gets you in love But no matter how much you two are receptive to hypnosis or no matter how good of a hypnotist Mrs. Yoo is getting people to fall in love isn't easy So do you know how we did it? Oh that? They said the ratings are low Your first suggestion was to go to that restaurant after your release Next, to react to the cell phone's melody When you heard this you were to say something Who are you? Do you like your clothes? And Mido was to react to the man who were to say this When she grabs your hand, your reaction would be... Of course... Your gravest mistake wasn't failing to find the answer You can't find the right answer if you ask the wrong questions It's not Why did Woojin imprison me? It's Why did he release me? Once again why did Woojin release Daesu after... 15 years? Laugh, and the world laughs with you Weep, and you will weep alone Mr. Han Mister Han! Mido... Mido doesn't know right? Why'd you hide her there? You thought he'd hate me because I cut off his hand, right? Couldn't you figure it out that it was a trap? How can you protect your woman with that ain of yours? I've been secretly raising Mido since she was three What's wrong with you? And Mr. Park's hand? You moron Know that new prison of his? He said he had to move so I bought him that building for his hand! Daesu! A box is here It's that same violet box He's telling me to open it No! No, Mido, don't Don't open it no matter what If you open it something terrible will happen What's in it? You know, don't you? Mido My Sweet Pea wait a little longer I'll be there very soon Can't you come right now? I'm scared My Sweet Pea you can wait for me, right? Yes Good Good girl I'll call you very soon, okay? I beg you Please don't tell Mido What has she done wrong? You know it was all my fault I have... I have committed a terrible sin to your sister And I was very wrong to you I'm really sorry So what I'm saying is... So please leave Mido alone, okay? If Mido finds out the truth, you asshole, I'll rip your whole body apart, and no one will be able to find your body anywhere Why? Because I'm going to chew it all down Woojin! Woojin, I made a mistake Please forget what I said Sir! Boss! Woojin! We're Evergreen Old Boys remember? With the energy from a green pine tree the Great Sangnok High... I'll do whatever you want I'll do anything I beg you Woojin, if you want me to be a dog, I will! I'm Woojin's dog from now on! I'm your puppy! Woof Woof Woof Wooof Look, I'm wagging my tail I'm a dog I'll guard the house I'll be your slave dog The box... Just leave it closed Now, what joy will I live for? Daesu It really hurts But I'm enduring it You must know this How'd you hold out? For 15 years? My sister and I loved each other even though we knew everything Could it be the same with you two? Do you like it? You really like it, right? I want to be good to you Soo ah Woojin I know you've been scared So let go of me, okay? Alright? Remember me, okay? I have no regrets What about you? This is the whole adventure I went through until now Thank you for listening to a terrible story till the end I hope that you understand the reason for sending a letter instead of talking to you in person The reason for that is that I have no tongue To be honest I have no reason to help you But you see? I was touched by this last sentence Even though I'm worse than even a beast Don't I have the right to live? The hypnosis could go wrong and distort your memories Will that be okay? If you're ready stare at that tree The tree is slowly changing into a concrete column You're now in Woojin's penthouse It's a dreary night The sound of your footsteps to the window permeates the room When I ring my bell you'll be split into two persons The one who doesn't know the secret is Oh Daesu The one who keeps the secret is the Monster When I ring the bell again the Monster will turn around and begin walking With each step you age one year When the Monster reaches seventy he will die There's no need to worry It will be a very peaceful death Now, good luck to you What's wrong? Look at you Were you with somebody? I love you Daesu

9:13. Personal note. When I was a little kid, my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once, when I was six, I did. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal. I was terrified, alone in that darkness. Slowly, daylight crept in through the bandages and I could see. But something else had changed inside me. That day I had my first headache. Jenna, come back here. Max, Max, can I do it? - Jenna. - What's 322 times 491? 158,102. Right? Right! OK, 73 divided by 22? 3.318...18...18... ..18...18...18...18... 12:45. Restate my assumptions. Mathematics is the language of nature. Everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers. If you graph the numbers of any system, patterns emerge. Therefore, there are patterns everywhere in nature. The cycling of disease epidemics; the wax and wane of caribou populations; sun spot cycles; the rise and fall of the Nile. So, what about the stock market? The universe of numbers that represents the global economy. Millions of hands at work, billions of minds. A vast network, screaming with life. An organism. A natural organism. My hypothesis: Within the stock market, there is a pattern as well... Right in front of me, hiding behind the numbers. Always has been. 12:50, press return. Hello. Maximillian Cohen, please. - Yeah? - Hi, it's Marcy Dawson. I'm a partner at the predictive strategy firm... - I told you... - Sorry I haven't called. I hoped we could have lunch tomorrow. Say one o'clock? - Max, good. - Hey, Devi. - I grabbed you some samosas. - Great. - Your hair! - What are you doing? - You can't go out like that. - It's fine. - Don't worry. - It's fine. - You need a mom. - I gotta go. Max. Here, your samosas. Thanks. 16:23. Results. Euclid predicts NTC will eak 100 tomorrow. A good bet. Other anomalies: lt predicts PRO NET settling at sixty-five and a quarter, a career high. Am I bothering you? I'm sorry, I'll put it out. Name's Lenny Meyer. And you are? Max. Is that Max? Max...? - Max Cohen. - Cohen! Jewish. It's OK. I'm a Jew too. Do you practise? No. I'm not interested in religion. - Did you ever hear of Kabbalah? - No. - Jewish mysticism. - Look, I'm busy right here. I understand. But right now is a very exciting moment in our history. Right now is a critical moment in time. - Really? - Yeah. It's very exciting. Have you ever put on Tefillin? You know Tefillin? Yeah, I know, it looks strange. It's an amazing tradition. It has a tremendous power. It's a mitzvah Jewish men should do. Mitzvahs, good deeds. They purify us. Bring us closer to God. Wanna try it? - Shit. - You all right, Max? Please. Please, a small one. 17:55. Personal note. Second attack in under 24 hours. Administered 80 milligrams Promozine HCI and six milligrams Sumattrapan orally, as well as one milligram Dihydroric-atamine-mezilayte by subcutaneous injection. - Hi. - Mr Cohen? Marcy Dawson here again, from Lancet-Percy. I checked my schedule and I'm in Chinatown tomorrow at three. I'd love to stop by to meet you. It'll be worth it for us. How's three sound? - How did you get my address? - I got it from Columbia. Three it is. Looking forward to it. Wait a minute... Max. Stop thinking, Max. Just feel. Use your intuition. - What did you think of Hamlet? - I didn't get to it. It's been a month. You haven't taken a single eak. I'm so close. Have you met the new fish my niece bought me? I named her lcarus after you, my renegade pupil. You fly too high, you'll get burnt. I look at you, I see myself 30 years ago. My greatest pupil. Published at 16, PhD at 20. But life isn't just mathematics, Max. I spent 40 years searching for patterns in Pi. - I found nothing. - You found things. I found things... but not a pattern. Not a pattern. 11:22. Personal note. Sol died a little when he stopped research on Pi. It wasn't just the stroke. He stopped caring. How could he stop, when he was so close to seeing Pi for what it really is? How could you stop believing that there is a pattern, an ordered shape behind those numbers, when you were so close? We see the simplicity of the circle, we see the maddening complexity of the endless numbers, 3.14 off into infinity. Are the stars out tonight? I don't mind if they're cloudy or ight For I only have eyes For you, dear I don't mind if we're in a... Hey, Max. Lenny Meyer. I'll put it out. So... What do you do? I work with computers. Math. Math? What kind of math? Number theory. Research mostly. No way. I work with numbers myself. I mean, not traditional. I work with the Torah. Amazing! He ew is all math. It's all numbers. You know that? Look. Ancient Jews used He ew as their numerical system. Each letter's a number. The He ew A, Aleph, is 1 . B, Bet, is 2. Understand? But look, the numbers are interrelated. Take the He ew for father, ab. Aleph, Bet. 1, 2 equals 3. The word for mother, haim. Aleph, Mem. 1, 40 equals 41 . The sum of 3 and 41, 44. Right? Now, the He ew word for child - mother, father, child. Yelev. That's 10, 30 and 4. 44. Torah is just a long string of numbers. Some say that it's a code, sent to us from God. That's kind of interesting. That's kid's stuff, check this out. The Garden of Eden, Kadem. Numerical translation, 144. The value of tree of knowledge, in the garden. Right? Aat ha haim. 2, 33. 1, 44. 2, 33. - You can take those numbers... - Those are Fibonacci numbers. They're...? You know, like the Fibonacci sequence? Fibonacci? Fibonacci is an ltalian mathematician in the 13th. If you divide 144 into 233, - the result approaches Theta. - Theta? Theta. The Greek symbol for the golden ratio, the golden spiral. Wow. I never saw that before. That's like that series you find in nature? - Like the face of a sunflower? - Wherever there are spirals. See, there's math everywhere. Hey, I... Max? 13:26. Restate my assumptions. can be represented and understood through numbers. patterns emerge. Therefore, there are patterns everywhere in nature. So what about the stock market? A universe of numbers that represents the global economy. Millions of human hands at work, billions of minds. A vast network screaming with life. An organism. A natural organism. there is a pattern, right in front of me, playing with the numbers. Always has been. 10:18, press return. Max. Max. What the...? Shit! Aaargh! God damn it! 10:28. Results. Bullshit. Euclid predicts AAR at six and a half. AAR hasn't been beneath 40 in 20 years. Explanations for anomaly: Human error. 11:11. Results. Failed treatments to date: Beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, adrenaline injections, high-dose ibuprofen, steroids, trigger metastics, violent exercise, caffeine, acupuncture, marijuana, percodan, midrin, tenormen, sanser, homeopathics... No results. No results. Euclid crashed. - I lost all my data, hardware. - Your mainframe? Burnt. What... What's happened? First, I get these crazy low picks, then it spit out this string of numbers. I never saw anything like it. And then it fries. - It crashed. - You have a print out? - Of what? - Of the picks, the number? - I threw it out. - What number did it spit out? I don't know, a string of digits. - How many? - I don't know. What is it, 100, 1 ,000, 216? How many? Probably around 200. Why? I dealt with some bugs back in my Pi days. I wondered if it was like one I ran into. Have you met Archimedes? The one with black spots. See? You remember Archimedes of Syracuse? Eh? The king asks Archimedes to determine if a present he has received is actually solid gold. Unsolved problem at the time. It tortures the great Greek mathematician for weeks. Insomnia haunts him and he twists and turns in his bed for nights on end. Finally, his equally exhausted wife, forced to share a bed with this genius, convinces him to take a bath, to relax. While he's entering the tub, he notices the bath water rise. Displacement - a way to determine volume, and thus a way to determine density. Weight over volume. And thus Archimedes solves the problem. He screams Eureka! and he is so overwhelmed, he runs naked through the streets to the king's palace to report his discovery. Now, what is the moral of the story? That a eakthrough will come. Wrong! The point of the story is the wife. Listen to your wife, she'll give you perspective. Meaning, you need a eak. You must take a bath or you'll get nowhere. There will be no order, only chaos. Go home, Max, and you take a bath. Excuse me. Can I take a look at the paper? Oh, my God. Six and a half. Hey... Hey! The paper, please. Mr Cohen? Perfect timing. I was going to head home. - Who are you? - Marcy Dawson. We were meeting. It's really not... It's such a pleasure to finally meet you. - I studied your paper... - Excuse me. - Let's take my car. - I can't. Mr Cohen... Yes! I just threw out something. I didn't realise I needed it. Just a print-out. I lost my data. Whoa! I'm sorry. Max. How're you doing? Lenny Meyer. - Where you going? - Up there. You got five minutes? Do you wanna try Tefillin? - Not now. - I've a car to go to the Shul. - You got a car? - That's my friend, Ephraim. - Let's go. - Great. When you said you're Max Cohen, I didn't realise you were the Max Cohen. Your work's revolutionary. It's inspired the work we do. - It has? - Very much so. The only difference is, we're not looking at the stock market. Go ahead. Wrap that round your hand. We're searching for a pattern in the Torah. - What kind? - We're not sure. All we know is it's 216 digits long. - OK, stand up, please, Max. - 216? That's right. You've gotta be quiet now. Stand up. - 216? - Shh. This goes on your head. Look at me, Max. Right here. There you go. All right. Now, we'll say a prayer together. Repeat after me: Shma Yisroel. - Shma Yisroel. - Right. - Adenoi Eloihenu. - Adenoi Eloihenu. - Adenoi Echod. - Adenoi Echod. Now, what's up, Max? What is this 216 number, Sol? Excuse me? You asked me if I'd seen a 216-digit number. Oh, yeah. You mean the bug. I ran into it working on Pi. - What do you mean ran into it? - Max, what's this about? There are these religious Jews I've been talking to. Religious Jews? Yeah, Hasids, the guys with beards. I know them. I know one in a coffee shop. He's a number theorist. The Torah is his data set. He says they're after a 216-digit number in the Torah. Come on, it's just coincidence. There's something else, though. What? You remember those weird stock picks? - Yesterday's stock picks? Yes. - They were correct. I got two picks on the nose. Smack on the nose, Sol. Something's going on. It has to do with that number. There's an answer in it. Max... Come with me. The ancient Japanese considered the Go board to be a microcosm of the universe. Although, when it's empty, it appears simple and ordered, the possibilities of gameplay are endless. No two Go games are alike, just like snowflakes. So, the Go board actually represents an extremely complex and chaotic universe. And that's the truth of our world, Max. It can't be easily summed up with math. There is no simple pattern. But as the game progresses, the possibilities become smaller. The board takes on order. Soon, every move's predictable. So? So maybe, even though we're not aware of it, there is a pattern, an order underlying every Go game. Maybe it's like the pattern in the stock market? The Torah? This 216 number? - It's insanity. - Maybe it's genius. - I must get that number. - Hold on! You're losing it. You have to eathe. Listen to yourself. You're connecting my computer bug with one you might've had and some religious hogwash. If you want the number 216, you can find it everywhere. 216 steps from your street corner to your front door, 216 seconds you spend in the elevator When your mind becomes obsessed you filter everything else out and find that thing everywhere. 320, 450, 22, whatever. You've chosen 216 and you'll find it everywhere in nature. But, Max, as soon as you discard scientific rigour, you are no longer a mathematician, you're a numerologist. Mr Cohen? Mr Cohen... God damn it! I'm sick of you following me. I'm not interested in money. I want to understand our world. I don't deal with materialists like you. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I admit we've been too aggressive. But all I ask is that you give me five minutes. - As a token, accept this. - I don't want your money. The suitcase isn't filled with 50s, or gold, or diamonds. Just silicon. A Ming Mecca chip. Ming Mecca? They're not even de-classified yet. You're right, they're not. But Lancet-Percy has many friends. Beautiful, isn't it? Do you know how rare these are? What do you...? Mr Cohen? - Are you OK? - No. Mr Coh... Sir, are you sick? Hey! C'mon, buddy. Get up. It's Coney lsland, last stop. Here. For your nose. Jenna, come back! Jenna! Jenna, come back here. - Farrouhk? - No, it's Max, from next door. Max. Is everything all right? - Do you have any iodine? - Did you cut yourself? No, it's to stain a slide. Ah. Science. The pursuit of knowledge. One second. You surprised me. I thought you were Farrouhk. Here we are. What are you examining? A potato? No. Just something for my computer. Thanks. - Shalom. - Lenny, it's Max Cohen. Max. What're you doing now? I was thinking about our conversation last night. - That's good. - I wanna help. 4:42. New evidence. Remember Pythagoras. Mathematician, cult leader. Athens, circa 500 BC. Major belief: The universe is made of numbers. Major contribution: The golden ratio. Best represented geometrically as the golden rectangle. Visually, there exists a graceful equili ium between its length and width. When it's squared, it leaves a smaller golden rectangle behind, with the same unique ratio. The squaring can continue, smaller and smaller, to infinity. 11:18. More evidence. Remember da Vinci. Artist, inventor, sculptor, naturalist. ltaly, C15th. Rediscovered the perfection of the golden rectangle and pencilled it into his masterpieces. Connecting a curve through the concentric golden rectangles, You generate the mythical golden spiral. Pythagoras loved this shape, for he found it in nature - a nautilus shell, rams' horns, whirlpools, tornadoes, our fingerprints, our DNA and even our Milky Way. 9:22. Personal note. When I was a little kid, my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once, I did. At first, the ightness was overwhelming, but I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink. And then the ightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrank to pinholes and everything came into focus. And for a moment I understood. My new hypothesis: if we're built from spirals, while living in a giant spiral, then everything we do is infused with the spiral. 10:15. Personal note. lt's fair to say I'm stepping out on a limb. But I'm on the edge where it happens. I'm happy you... Look, what do you want in exchange for the chip? You tech' guys. I think you know what we want. - I may not find anything. - We'll take the risk. First, I want you to call off the surveillance. Done. Anything else? Yeah, I'm a very private person. Just knock on my door and leave the suitcase outside. I don't wanna talk to anybody. - How do I know you're home? - I'll knock back. - The Torah. - Coffee. What is it? In He ew, characters and numbers. No, the 216 number. What is it? I don't know. If you can find it, maybe we can figure it out. - Can you really find it? - If it's there, I'll find it. Max. Jenna. - Can we do it? - Not now. Please, Max? Happy birthday, Euclid. 18:30. Press return. 18:33. Press return. Hell! You fuck! You fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Yes, hello? He's busy right now, I'm sorry. You were screaming. Who said you could put locks on the door, Mr Cohen? Are you OK? You're out, you hear me? Out of here! - I've had it with you! - Get out! Let's go. God damn it, no! You're the one out of here, mister. Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Are you OK? Get out! You bastard. Nineteen and a half. Thirty-nine and an eighth. Six and three quarters. Seven and an eighth. Twelve and a quarter. I know these numbers. They're going down... down...down. You lied to me. You have it? OK, sit down. I gave up before I pinpointed it, but my guess is that... certain problems cause computers to get stuck in a loop. The loop leads to meltdown, but just before they crash they become aware of their own structure. The computer has a sense of its own silicon nature and it prints out its ingredients. The computer becomes conscious? In... In... some ways... I guess. Studying the pattern made Euclid conscious of itself. It died spitting out the number. Consciousness is the number? No, Max. It's only a nasty bug. - It's more than that. - No. It's a dead end! - There's nothing there! - It's a door, Sol. A door. A door to a cliff, you're driving yourself over the edge. - You need to stop. - You were afraid. - That's why you quit. - I got burnt. - Come on. - It caused my stroke! That's bullshit! It's mathematics, numbers, ideas. Mathematicians should go to the edge. - You taught me that. - It's death! You can't tell me what it is. You've retreated to your Go and books and goldfish. Max, go home. - You're not satisfied. - Go home. Get out... I'm gonna see it! - Get out! - I'm gonna understand it. Hey! Hey! Hey! - Who are you working for? - Me. - Who sent you? - I'm a student. - Gimme that. - I've an assignment for class. Leave me alone. - Marcy. What's the matter? - Let's go for a ride, Max. I can't. I have work. We had a deal, Max. Now, let's get in the car. - Don't ever touch me! - Max! Max! - Help! - Max. - Leave me alone! - Max, come here. Max. Where're you going, Max? Stop, Max! - Max! God damn it! - Help! Help! Help! - Get him! - I got him. Come here, Max. Get outta here. - Where'd he go? - He's over there. Max. Leave me alone! - I got him. - Get off of me! - Help me! Help! - Get over here! - Sit down and shut the hell up. - Calm down. Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with matches? The market's going to crash. I didn't do anything. I don't play the market. Be careful where you throw out your trash. How could you do that? You gave faulty information. You dangled the carrot, but only gave us part of the code. Now give us the rest to set it right. You bastards! How could you be so stupid? Max, you just don't get it. I don't give a shit about you, just what's in your head! If you won't help us, we'll comply with the laws of nature. Survival of the fittest - and we've got the fucking gun! - Max! Come here! - Lenny? Lenny! - Hey! - C'mon, get in here. Hurry! Stay down! Stay down. We've been looking for you. - What's going on? - You have the number? What's going on? What is it? What're you doing? Get off of me! Where's the number? It's not on me. It's in my head. You memorised it? Did you give it to them? - Who? - Those Wall Street bastards. - What do you care? - Answer me. Listen. This is really big. I don't wanna hurt you. Did you give it to them? They've got part of it. Let go! Damn it! - They're using it. - Using what? Shut up! Impetuous little runt! - Let go! - No, don't! Max. Max. Max. Max. You're all right. I'm Rabbi Cohen. Cohen, like you. I'm sorry for what Lenny did. He's been reprimanded. It's not our way. Are you OK? Yeah. Max, you have to give us the number. What is it? The Talmud tells us it began 2,000 years ago, when the Romans destroyed the second temple. What is this? Max, you'll understand if you listen. The Romans also destroyed our priesthood, the Cohanim. And with their deaths, they destroyed our greatest secret. In the centre of the temple was the heart of Jewish life, the holy of holies. It was the earthly residence of our God. The one God. It housed the Ark of the Tabernacle, which stored the original 10 Commandments which God gave to Moses. Only one man was allowed to enter this holy of holies on one day, the holiest day of the year, Yom Kippur. On the Day of Atonement, all of lsrael would descend upon Jerusalem to watch the High Priest, the Cohen Godul, make his trip to the holy of holies. If the High Priest was pure, he would emerge moments later and we'd have a prosperous year. It meant we were one year closer to the Messianic age. But, if he was impure, he would die instantly and it meant we were doomed. The High Priest had one ritual to perform there. He had to intone a single word. Yeah? That word was the true name of God. So? The true name, which only the Cohanim knew, was 216 letters long. Are you telling me that... That the number in my head is the true name of God. Yes! It's the key to the Messianic age. It will take us closer to the Garden of Eden. As the temple burnt, the Talmud tells us the High Priest walked into the flames. He took the key to the top of the building, the heavens opened and received the key from the priest's outstretched hand. We have been looking for that key ever since. And you may have found it. That's what happened. I saw God. No. You are not pure. You cannot see God unless you are pure. No... I saw everything. You saw nothing, only a glimpse. There's so much more. We can unlock the door and show God we're pure again. You're not pure. How are you pure? I found it! Who do you think you are? You are only a vessel from God. You're carrying a delivery meant for us! It was given to me. It's inside of me. It's changing me. It's killing you! Because you are not ready to receive it. It's just a number. I'm sure you've written down every 216-digit number. You've translated all of them. You've intoned them all. Haven't you? What's it gotten you? The number is nothing. It's the meaning. The syntax. It's what's between the numbers. You haven't understood it. It's because it's not for you. I've got it. I've got it! I understand it. And I'm gonna see it. Rabbi, I was chosen. 17:13. Personal note. Getting faster... You stare into space like that, you could go blind. What can the eyes do without the ain? 14:50. 15:10. 16:55. 10:35. Already, I'm beginning to see. Can I help you? Sol? Were you a friend? - What do you mean? - He had a second stroke. No! No! No! Three! Five! Nine! Ten! Eight! Six! Five! Two! Five. Eight. Nine. Seven. No, Max. No. Six. Stay with me, Max. Max. No! It's all right. It's all right. 17:22. Personal note. When I was a little kid, my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once, when I was six, I did. Max, Max. Look. Pretty, huh? Can we do it, Max? Can we? How about 255 times 183? I got it! What's the answer? I don't know. What is it? 46,665. See? How about 748 divided by 238? I got it. What's the answer?

Man The following is my explanation-- well, more of an account... of what happened. I'd been on my own for a while... and getting kind of lonely... and bored. Nothing, still, all day. And that's when I started shadowing. Man 2 Shadowing? Man 1 Shadowing. Following. I started to follow people. - Who? -Anyone at first. Sniffing I mean, that was the whole point-- somebody at random, somebody who didn't know who I was. And then? -And then nothing. - Nothing? Nothing. I'd just see where they went, what they did... and go home afterwards. Why'd you do it? Um, to see where they went. Anyone-- I mean-- How can I explain? You ever, um, been to a football match just to let your eyes rise... and go over-- drift across a crowd of people, and then slowly start to fix on one person? And all of a sudden that person isn't part of the crowd anymore. - They've become an individual, just like that. - Snaps Fingers This became irresistible. - So you followed women? - No, I didn't follow women. It wasn't a sex thing. I followed anybody. I just wanted to see where they went, what they did. You were playing secret agent? No, I'm a writer. Well, I want to be a writer anyway. I was, um, gathering material for my characters. Well, to begin with. After a while l, um, spotted the dangers. I'd become hooked. I had to start making up rules to, um, just try and keep it under control. Um, never follow people for too long. Don't follow women down dark alleys after dark. You know, stuff like that. It was supposed to just be completely random. And when it stopped being random, that's when it started to go wrong. When I started... to follow people-- specific people, when I selected a person to follow, that's when the trouble started. Other people are interesting to me. Have you never... listened to other people's conversations on the bus or on the tube? Seen somebody on the street that looks interesting or is behaving... slightly-- oddly or something like that? Wondered what their lives involved, what they do, where they come from, where they go to? Coughing Typewriter Keys Clacking You watch somebody's behavior, and it raises a hundred thousand questions, and... I wanted to ask those questions, and I wanted to know what the answers were, and so I'd follow people to try and find out. Most important rule was... that even if I found out where somebody worked or where they lived, then you'd never follow the same person twice. That was the most important rule. That was the one that I oke first. - Woman Yes? - Uh, coffee, please. - Come on. It's lunch. - Toasted cheese sandwich is fine. Mind if I join you? No. Who am I? - Uh, yeah, I'll have a black coffee, please, and... - Nothing. Sniffs another coffee, black. You're obviously not a policeman, so who are you, and why are you following me? I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about. Don't piss me about. Who the fuck are you? Thank you very much. Sugar? Stirring Continues No, I wasn't-- I wasn't following you. l-- l-- I saw you with your bag. I just thought you looked interesting. - What are you, a faggot? - No, no. Scoffs No, l-- To tell you the truth, I thought you were this guy that I was at school with. I saw you walk in here, so I followed you in just to see if it was him. -But it wasn't. -Why didn't you ask me when you saw me? 'Cause I'd have been embarrassed if it wasn't the person. - Not as embarrassed as you are now. - No, I suppose not. - What's your name? - Bill. Well, Bill, what do you do? - Actually, I'm kind of-- - Between jobs right now,yeah. - Yeah, that's right. - What would you do? - Don't know. - Oh, come on, Bill, don't be coy. There's some burning ambition inside you, isn't there? - Something of a starving artist in you, no? No? - No. - No. No. - You're a painter. - Photos? Writer? - No. No. - Writer, eh? - No. - But you write? - Not much. - But sometimes? - Sometimes. Who doesn't? Me. So you're a writer. I didn't say that. What makes you think I'm a writer anyway? An unemployed twenty-something fancies himself a writer. - A real leap into the unknown. - Well, I'm not a writer. - But you're interested in people. - Yeah. - This person? - Perhaps. You haven't even asked me my name yet. - What's your name? - Or what's in my bag. - What bag? - My bag. The one you've been looking at all morning. What's your name, and what's in your bag? My name's Cobb. Take a look for yourself. What were you expecting, drugs? Why'd you nick their old CDs? Easy to grab a load, easy to sell, totally untraceable. The other stuff's a bit more tricky. You don't look like a burglar. Sounds like a compliment. Are you interested now? Doorbell Rings Gloves? Whispering People don't really do that, do they? You'd be surprised. Does that really work? Wait and see. Beginner's luck. See, nobody home. Okay, first things first. - We need a bag. - Whispering Continues A bag? To carry the stuff in. Why are you whispering? - Do you have one of your own? - Yeah. It's a big bag with swag written right across it. Ah. Bingo! Okay. What do you fancy? Nothing here of any value. - You don't seem that concerned. Why do you do it? - I don't do it for the money. For the adrenalin, and because, like you, I'm interested in people. Yeah, you can tell a lot about people from their stuff. - How old would you say these people are? - Don't know. You can tell a lot from the futon for a start. Young people have futons. These people wouldn't be anywhere near 40 with a futon. And they've got one laundry bag, which means they're probably very used to each other. Probably about 25 or over. They could be 20, and they've been living together for years. Nah. Look at the books. They're college educated. Probably graduated when they were 21 or 22. Moved in together in the last year. You can tell more from their music. And here is the box. - What box? - Everyone has a box. - But mainly it's just a shoe box. - Is there valuables in it? No, more interesting. More personal things like snapshots, letters, little trinkets from Christmas. See? Envelope, photo, calling cards, notes. Sort of an unconscious collection, a display. - What do you mean, display? - Well, display. Each thing tells something very intimate about the people. We're very privileged to see it. It's very rare. Hey, hey, hey, hey! What-- What the hell did you do that for? It's like a diary. They hide it. But actually they want someone to see it. That's what I do. See their display. Flip sides of the same coin. This way they know that someone's seen it. That's what it's all about-- interrupting someone's life, making them see all the things they took for granted. Like when they go back and buy all this stuff from the shelves with the insurance money, they'll have to think for the first time in a long time... why they wanted all this stuff, what it's for. You take it away, and you show them what they had. Saucy, eh? Found these in the last flat. I think I'lljust give them something to, uh, chat about. Why would you want to do that? She'll find them in his trousers and ask him what he's been doing. Yeah, but why would you want to fuck up their relationship? Don't you listen? You take it away... and show them what they had. - Fancy a drink? - You've gotta be joking. Don't be fooled by the supermarket label. I seem to remember I've had this before, and it was actually quite good. You'd have had a bit of difficulty doing this with your gloves on. - So are we actually gonna take anything? - Anything your heart desires. But that's not really the point, is it? I mean, this is work. I thought the whole point of burglary was taking things. No, this is the point-- eaking in, entering someone's life, - finding out who they really are. - Pouring Wine I mean, don't you just feel it? Standing here, drinking their wine. - People we'll never even meet. - Door Opens Footsteps Woman Would you like a drink? I've got some wine. - What the f-- - Shh! Oh, you startled us. Are you from the agency, - or are you viewing like us? - What are you doing in my flat? - Didn't the agent tell you we'd be here? - But we're not moving. You must be the man of the house. Congratulations. You have a very nice home. But we're not moving. Really? Then I should check with the agent, love. - Sorry. - Footsteps Shit. We shouldn't have come up here. We're gonna have to wait ages to get down again. Maybe there's a way off here. Jesus Christ! Do you think they believed you? Chuckling Of course they didn't fucking believe me. - What do you think you were doing? - I caught them on the hop. - We surprised them. - How do you mean? That bloke wasn't her boyfriend. Why do you think he didn't say anything? She was up to no good, and she was pretty glad we weren't her boyfriend. - You reckon? - Why else would she be home in the middle of the afternoon? No, you just can't plan for that kind of fucking shit. We're unlucky. Don't worry about it. It won't happen again. - Well, I'm not so sure. - Oh, yeah? Next time you can do the fucking prep work. - No, I didn't mean it like that. - No, I mean it. Take your mark, check it out for days, months,years, whatever. - It'll be the next place we hit. - Yeah, all right. - Tell you what. - What? I feel bad about pulling the panty routine on that bloke. She's gonna give him loads of shit, and she's the one fooling around. Indistinct Chattering Beer, please. Thanks. - Buy you a drink? - Yeah. But you can't sleep with me. - Why's that? - 'Cause I'm with the guy over there. - That bald one? - He'd let you buy me a drink, but sex is completely out of the question. Chuckles - Still want to buy me that drink? - No. Chuckles - So what's a nice girl like you... - Doing in a place like this? - doing with a cunt like that? - It's a long story. Keep your voice down. - He does own this place. - I was trying to get your attention. My name's Daniel Lloyd. My friends call me Danny. So? So you've obviously had a bad day. Kind of day that makes you feel like everybody's out for their pound of flesh. Yeah. I've been having quite a lot of days like that. - Say something to me. - Like what? See you outside in ten minutes. - Oh, I'm sorry. It just-- - It just came apart in your hands. - It did, actually. - Yeah, I know. It was oken already. Somebody dropped it. I've been meaning to... fix it, but, um, I'll probably never get around to it. It's a ticker tape mix of, um-- - So, what about you and this bald guy? - What about him? - Going out with him? - Not exactly. You and him have got something going? No. We used to go out with each other, but that's been over for a long time. - So why'd you tell me you were with him? - To get rid of you. Chuckles So why wouldn't you agree to have a drink with me? Did we have to come here? He still gets jealous, and I didn't feel like going back to my place. - Why not? - I got burgled yesterday. What's it feel like, being, uh, oken into? Most people ask, What did they take? I'm curious about the way people feel. I'm a writer. Gosh. -So? - So? - So how'd it feel? - Scoffs Great. Sorry. - This bald guy's dangerous, is he? - You are a nosy bastard. - Dangerous, like how? - Dangerous, like criminal-type dangerous. Dangerous like involved in bad things type dangerous. - What sort of bad things? - The usual-- girls, drugs, magazines. - Magazines? - And films. Pornography. - And he owns a couple of clubs. - Wealthy type. Yes. And refined. Took me a long time to realize the kind of things that he was capable of. What sort of things are they? Perhaps another time. I really think I should be going. Line Ringing - Cobb Yeah? - It's me, Bill. What the fuck do you want? - Advice. - On what? - On a job. - What fucking job? - The job that I told you about. - Not interested. Yeah, I know that. I'm gonna do it myself. - I wanna know something about protection. - Protection? Yeah, you know, self-defense, weapons, stuff like that. Surprisingly enough, I thought you might be able to give me some advice. Chuckling Steel whip. Nunchakus, they're all right. Tools are good. A sharpened screwdriver, a hammer, a chisel. - Hammer? - Yeah. Medium-sized, good rubber grip. It's very nasty. You get a claw hammer, you can pry doors with it. Slip it into the back of your waistband, you're set. - You still there? - Beeps Off Doorbell Buzzes Chuckles You might want to get some of these, for Christ's sake. - Where did you get them? - I stole them from Middlessex Hospital. You can't buy them. Bin-fucking-go. Lock Clicks Okay, you get the bag. I'll check out the stuff. Door Closes - I got one. - Ah, that's good. -May not need it. There's fuck-all here. -Really? - What about the telly? - It's fucking useless. Dismayed Grunt What are we, burglars or vandals? If you're a burglar, why don't you start burgling? Uh, what about the tapes? - Not much of a collection, but it's a bit personal. - What do you mean? It's not the kind of stuff you'd play to your dinner party guests to fill in gaps of conversation. - What sort of music's that? - Simply Red, Fleetwood Mac, that kind of shit. - He's got taste? - Each to his own, - but he's a sad fucker with no social life. - CDs Clattering - Ooh, nice machine. - Maybe he's a writer. Nah. If he's a writer, he'd have a word processor. This guy wants to be a writer. Those are two totally separate things. - You checked this out? - Uh-huh. - You watched him go to work, saw his routine? - Yeah. - What's his job? - He works in a bank. This guy's unemployed. - No, he's not. - Look at the desk. He's unemployed. People who have jobs don't have this kind of shit in their homes. He's either unemployed or he's a student. Which means he could be back any fucking second. What the fuck is that? You should recognize it, dole boy. His fucking U.B. 40, you ass. You didn't check this out. We're going now. - We're not gonna take anything? - No, we're not gonna take anything. I don't feel like scrounging off some poor dole head. Fuck it. No offense. None taken. - Key Clinks - Let's go to someplace I've checked. Doorbell Buzzing Hi. Make yourself at home. I'll be done in just a minute. Footsteps - Nice place. - Thanks. Feel a bit funny about it, since someone's been going through my stuff. - Sort of creepy. - What'd they take? Books, my camera, CDs. Chuckles They even took a bag from my cupboard to take it away in. Apparently that's standard. It must be terrible, losing all that stuff. Insurance'll cover most of it. It's personal stuff that's worse. - Personal stuff? Like what? - They, um, rifled through my underwear. Shit. Why would they do that? Come on. You know the kind of kinky, voyeuristic shit men get into. Chuckles I'm sorry. I'm not into any of that. One other thing they did was they took one of my earrings. They didn't take the pair. They took one just to really fuck me off. You probably misplaced the other one. I know. I had them on my dresser, and I came back and there was just one. - So you just wear one now. - It gives me something to talk about. I'll, uh-- I'll go and get some clothes on. Door Closes One Note Cobb Bill? - Saucy, eh? - Chuckles Haven't found a bag yet? - This is her flat. - Yeah, she's a fox. - She's got pictures of herself everywhere. - Yeah, she looks good. Look at this stuff. Mmm. Mmm, you should take some of this stuff. - No way. - Suit yourself. I'm gonna take something. Look at her. She's a babe. Bingo. Discordant Notes Why does she have so many pictures of herself? I think she's a model. She's certainly vain. Is that about it? Yeah, I guess that covers the useful stuff. Not much else. Stereo's too big. Piano-- definitely too big. I think... I'lljust misplace this for her. - What is this place? - Used to be offices. - How'd you get the keys? - Broke in, changed the locks. It's owned by one of those management places. They never come around, and if they do, they'lljust think they've mixed up their keys. Or eventually, they'll eak in and change the locks, but I'll be long gone by then. London's full of these dead spaces. Above restaurants or shops, whole buildings. - Do we leave the stuff here? - No, that's your job. - You hang on to it until I let you know we're ready to fence it. - Okay. Unless...you want to try to sell it yourself and give me half of what you get for it. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Look, I was hard on you at that last place, but you've got to understand, I won't let anybody put me at risk. - It's dangerous enough already. - Sure. - An early supper, I think. - No, I really can't afford it. - It's covered. - Yeah? Okay. Authentic? I don't know, but I like it. You keep on coming in here. - I know. I like it. - Why? I don't know. Well, no, I do know why. - Why? - Because there's no windows, and because it's dark, and nobody can see you in the alcoves. And so, perhaps the bald guy wouldn't come past. - Maybe. - Maybe. Maybe this is where... you ing all the guys you go out with, because you know that he's, uh, not just gonna be walking by, popping in. - Clears Throat - Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. Chuckles I thought it was over between you two. It is. So how come you still go to basement bars then... so that you can't be seen by him? - Because, as I've told you before-- - You're afraid of him, -because he's... dangerous. - Because he's dangerous. Dangerous how? How dangerous? You keep saying he's dangerous. You never explain to me why you're so afraid of him. Okay. He came around to my flat with a couple of his... associates, and... I didn't really know what all this was about until this other guy arrived... - Mm-hmm. - who apparently owed them some money. - They didn't like this very much, so they got a hammer, - Grunting they held him down and smashed every single one of his fingers. Man Screaming Screaming Continues And then they smashed his skull. Screaming Stops Someone get me a tea towel or something. Chuckles You're joking with me. No. - You're not joking with me. - Uh-uh. This is why you don't go out with him anymore. - Isn't it? - No. No, no. That's because he made a mess on my carpet. - That's not funny. Chuckling - Yeah. I know. How on earth did you get to fall in with somebody like this? - Scoffs - That's not the sort of fella... - Change the subject. - I would've thought you'd normally associate with. What were you doing? Were you, um, Clears Throat working for him at the time? That is none of your business. I think you better find someone else to start telling you little stories. Oh, come on. I was just joking. Door Opens Chuckling Whispering Bingo. Door Closes Sighs Bag, bag, bag, bag, bag, bag. Fuck! Oh,Jesus fucking Christ. Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think. You're developing a taste for it. The violating, the voyeurism-- it's definitely you. - I think not. - I think so. I think before long you'll have developed a taste for the things that go with the proceeds. -Such as? - Well, all this. Do you make all your money through burglary? No, not all of it. In fact, you're gonna pay for this. I told you, I can't afford to pay for this. It won't really be you. It'll be D. Lloyd that pays for this. I thought I'd give you the pleasure of pretending to pay. - What am I supposed to do with this? - Sign it. - Sign it? - Sign it. In your own handwriting. Then you can do anything you want with it. D. Lloyd. Chuckles Chuckling Are you ever worried about being caught? Why else would I do it? Besides, I'm not gonna get caught. - What, you've thought it all through? - I've thought it all through. This is only the tip of the iceberg. I would do things that you don't even believe. - Such as? - Example. Sometimes when I'm watching a flat I'll see that the owners are about to go on holiday. I'll wait till they're gone, then move in for a week or two. - You've gotta be joking. - No. It happens a lot more than you believe. How do you know when they're gonna be back? - It's almost always marked on the kitchen calendar. - Crafty. Chuckling - No Audible Dialogue -Jesus fucking Christ. - What's wrong? - The woman from the first flat we oke into just walked in. - Are you sure? - Yes, I am fucking sure! - Is she with the same bloke? It's all right then. - No. - What if she sees us? - She's with her partner. She can't do anything. I think that's one hell of a chance to take. What's she gonna say to us? That we stole half a bottle of red wine? Calm down. - You mind if we skip dessert? - Yes, I fucking mind! - She's coming this way. - She's going to the loo. - She saw me. She saw me. - Oh, yeah? - She recognizes us. I think we should leave. - Okay. We'll leave. Not that we've got anything to worry about... except for you making a fucking twat out of yourself. I really hate it when I don't get to finish a good meal with a cup of coffee. - Yeah, but-- - Don't fucking say it! She got a second look at me. She recognized me. That sort of thing makes me nervous. If you're so worried about your appearance, change it. A new haircut, set of clothes, your mother won't even recognize you. Just because you oke into people's homes doesn't mean you need to look like a burglar. Typewriter Keys Clacking Typing Resumes Everybody has a box. Line Ringing Ringing Continues - Yep? - Hello. It's Bill. Hello, Bill. What can I do for you? Not much. It's about the stuff. What about the stuff? I've, uh, met this guy, said he'd fence most of it. I thought I'd have a go myself, like you said. I don't reckon I'll get as much as you could. But, uh, half of whatever I get. - How does that sound? - Well, that sounds fine. - Anything else? - Yeah, I took your advice. - What advice? - About changing my appearance. - I got my haircut. I'm all dressed up. - With no place to go. God, Bill, I wasn't being entirely serious about that. Yeah. I just feel better this way. - Safer, huh? - Safer. I'll give you a ring when I get the money. Right. Chuckles Woman What was all that about? You. Your stuff, anyway. He's gonna deal with it himself. Meaning? Meaning he took the bait and he's hooked. He's gonna hang on to the stuff but pretend to sell it, give me some money. - You may even get most of it back if you're lucky. - Chuckles God, it's perfect. The photos worked. I even got him to cut his hair and change his clothes. So, does that mean you'll tell me where you hid my earring? No. And I wouldn't wait for your panties, either. He's too embarrassed to give those back too. Shit. And did you have to eak my window? Couldn't you have found a key or something? No, that would've been three spare keys in a row. Even Bill's not gonna fall for that. God, it was so embarrassing when we went to his place. Right under the mat just like I told him. That's totally pathetic. It was a new mat as well. I think he bought this mat... just so he could put the key under it. Whispering Fuck it. Both Grunting Doorbell Buzzing Woman Over Intercom Fuck off. How do you know it was me? Could have been your mother you just told to fuck off. - I meant it. - Oh, come on. Let me in. I've come to apologize. - So, apologize. - I haven't been entirely honest with you. - I'm doing a piece about burglaries. - What? I'm writing about burglaries-- about a friend of mine who eaks into people's houses. That's why I asked you so many questions about your eak-in. I didn't tell you at the time 'cause I didn't wanna upset you too much. He's been eaking in and-- I haven't stolen anything. l-- I just go along and see what happens. Is that it? Yes. What's that got to do with anything? Now I've been honest with you. I want you to return the favor. - I have been honest with you. - You're still seeing the bald guy. I was early the other day. I saw him leave. - You said it was over. - It is. Then why are you still seeing him? - He's blackmailing me. - He's rich. - Why would he want money? - I didn't say anything about money. - What's he blackmailing you with? - Photos. - Of? - Of me. Don't ask me anything else. - I'm not feeding your seedy little fantasies. - You've got me all wrong. - Have I? - Yes. Where are these... pictures? - In his office. Why? - I could take them. - How? - I could eak in. Me and this guy could do it. There's gotta be some valuable stuff in his office, you know. - Sometimes keeps money in the safe. - We can't get into his safe. - That's where the photos are. - What? They're in an envelope. There are negatives and some of the prints. - We can't do that. - I know the combination. - How? - I've seen him open it loads of times. I thought I might be able to lift them myself. Well, that's what we'll do then. No one in their right minds would steal from him. If we don't get caught, it's not gonna matter who it was we stole from. And we're not going to get caught. If you get them, you won't look at the photos and you won't even look in the envelope. - Of course not. - I've got your word on that? You have my word. - You're late. - Sorry. I thought you said you were gonna fence it yourself. I got rid of most of it. - It'll take me a couple of days to get rid of all of this. - That's what I thought. - Is there something else on your mind? - Yeah. I wanna hit a place. Well, I've been scouting out a couple of places. - A particular place. Some photos. - Photos? Yeah, for a friend. - What's the place? - Photos are in a safe, but I've got the combination. - Well, if it's for a friend, where's the money at? - Money's in the safe. Probably. Probably. Whose office? A club owner-- pornographer type. - Heavy? - Yeah, it looks like it. What the fuck's going on? - I'm seeing someone. - Who? - The owner of that bag. - What? The woman whose house we hit, the one with the pictures of herself. Now tell me you're fucking joking. No. I thought she looked interesting. I followed her. We had a drink, and... now we're involved. - Have you slept with her? - Yeah. We're gettin' on really well. I wanted to give some of her stuff back to her, but I thought that would mean-- You thought that would mean telling her you robbed her. How prudent not to tell her that! That's a nice haircut though. Nice suit as well. - Pity to have bloodstains on it. - What blood? You're on your own now. Here. Here's a present for you... to get you started on your new solo career. Gagging Typewriter Keys Clacking - Did you have to beat him? - Did you have to sleep with him? - You told me to. - I said you should if you had to, but it's not really the same as telling you to. - Did you enjoy it? - Did you enjoy beating him up? Of course. Look, I'm in deep shit. This has gotta work. They really think you're involved? They've already had me in for questioning, haven't they? It's not gonna be long before they find the guy that saw me leave and pull me in. - Did he get a good look at you? - No. Which is why I think this is gonna work. What we need is someone of roughly the same appearance, roughly the same way of working, we should be fine. Just tell him what really happened. You found her like that. No, you wouldn't say that if you saw what I saw. No, I mean, this is horrible. There's blood everywhere. Her head has been beaten. She doesn't even look human anymore. I'd been there a while. I may have left traces, prints, forensic shit. I don't know. Look, the point is the body's fresh. It hasn't been dead long. Any witness might put me close enough to the time of death. - You just said that the witness didn't get a good look at you. - That's not the point, is it? A crime that utal-- an old lady beaten to death-- if they even think it's me they're gonna try and pin it on me, aren't they? - We've got to have someone else. I told them there's someone. - And if he's got an alibi? Well, he's a loner. He's perfect. Even strangers that have seen him before aren't gonna recognize him... because he's had his hair cut. No, he's our man. Coughing Got it. I took the fuckin' money first. Money-- bundles of fuckin' money. Ow! Nothing. Nothing. I'm okay. Okay! - Oh, I'll be 'round soon. - Hangs Up Phone Doorbell Buzzes You promised me you wouldn't open the envelope. It wasn't sealed. They fell out. - They fell out? - So, are you gonna explain? I mean, what was it? Was it all just bullshit to get hold of the money? - There isn't usually any in there. - Well, what then? It was for a friend. The police think he did something and he didn't. So he needs a decoy-- another likely suspect. Someone caught robbing a place using the same way he does it-- his methods. His methods. Who was the friend? Cobb. Broke into a place a couple of weeks ago. He found an old lady bashed to death. He ran off. Someone saw him. Couple of days later the police called him in for questioning. They think he killed her. - He probably did. - He's a thief. He's not a murderer. So, he told them that, uh, they've got him confused with another burglar he knew. - One who used the same M.O. - Why me? You set yourself up for it. Cobb noticed you following him days before he actually approached you. Initially, he thought you were police. And then he followed you. He followed me? He followed you and realized you were just this sad, little fucker waiting to be used. So you and Cobb just went for it. How could you do this to me? To anybody? It's not that serious. You've got the money, you didn't kill the old lady. You're just there to throw doubt into the minds of the police. They'll never charge you. You were supposed to get caught tonight eaking in. They'd pull you in, ask you about the old lady and you wouldn't know anything. They still could have charged me for eaking and entering. You did eak and enter. And for whatever reason, you didn't get caught red-handed. He came in. He went down. I didn't hang around long enough to find out whether he could get up. It's his blood on my hammer. How could you do this to me? It's nothing personal. When I began this, I didn't even know you. Drops Hammer - I'll go to the police in the morning. - You can't. I'm going and I'm gonna tell them everything. You can't, 'cause they won't believe you. I'm gonna tell them everything. They'll believe me because it's the truth. - Not if you haven't got someone to back up your story. - You could. I won't. They'll make you because your lies won't stand up to the truth. - I wouldn't do this if I were you. - Door Closes That's it. I mean, if you got any, uh, questions, then-- One or two. You see, we don't actually have any unsolved murders of old ladies at the present. - You must have. - There's no such ongoing investigation. And we don't know this Mr. Cobb of yours. I warned you he'd look in the envelope. He gave me his word. I believed him. It's nothing personal. He couldn't help it. I mean, he's a born peeper. Anyway, down to business. Scoffs Business? Policeman Perhaps there's... something else you'd like to tell me, hmm? Anything? - Where's the hammer? - It's in that bag. What are you gonna do with it? The old man was very specific about how I should do things. Wh-- What's the old man got to say about it? Oh, well, he is letting me keep all the money from his safe. Anything at all? Your side of things? He says your demands have become too unreasonable. You've become too greedy in your blackmail. He said something about you being a witness... to an incident that happened in this very room. He was very precise about exactly how and where I should take care of things. Something about a bloodstained carpet that you've got stashed away to back up your story, should it ever be told. - Did you talk to her? - We found her this morning. Screaming - What do you mean, found her? - Her body. We also found a hammer with two types of blood on it. One type, I assume, will match the bloke you put in hospital. All her fingers were smashed. You must have tortured her to get the combination. I didn't touch her! We also found some interesting items in your flat in this shoe box under your bed. Among various items reported missing by the deceased last week, we found... these pairs of ladies' underwear. Were they hers? I assume so since we found them stashed... with these passport-style photographs of the deceased. We also found this pearl earring... which exactly matched the one worn by the deceased at the time of her death. - A little trophy? - No! It was Cobb who planted it when we turned over her place. Go and collar him. I gave you his address. We checked the address you gave us. There's no Cobb there. The flat belongs to a Mister... D. Lloyd. He's just returned from holiday. And he told us that while he was away, his flat had been burgled. Not much was missing. But his new credit card hasn't yet arrived. Well, that was Cobb! We used it to pay for a meal in a restaurant. We found this at your flat. It was Cobb... who stole it. Is that your handwriting? Yes.

Boy... Bring us the walking stick of that blind bone-setter. We'll pay you. Watch out.Silence,he will hear you. Thanks. GO GO! Go away,you son of a..! Icci! Even you... ...were fooled by an innocent child! Even the teacher... ...is weak without his sword. SEMETERY Drink! What are you doing? You were working for Naruto. Don't you recognise us? Of the Naruto family? I am the daughter! What do you want again? We've paid for this month! You haven't paid for today. Now you 're gonna pay each time we come by. -We wont be able to survive. -Dont protest! Shut up and pay. Things were really bad with the Funahatsi gang. -Ginjo makes our life real hell! -Damn you! Unbelievable spectacle! I guide a blind bone-setter who curries my vegetable. I wish i could see that! You did a big favour for me. Drink some tea. -It's hot. -Thanks. Without your help... ...i couldn't ing them home. Where are you sleaping tonight? It will be the first time that you come. You're welcome to stay. I live alone. Don't get any ideas. I don't even thing about it. -Is it too strong? -No,it's just as it should be. I can't thing that our town is doomed. Ginjo and Oggi are fine together. They do us they want with us. Really?You have such punks? They teriffy the farmers. and the town people. They demand money for protection every day. If it keep going like this... ...the more we work, the poorer we get. You pay for protection each day? We didnt use to. We were paying each month. Big difference. Eacg month,each day. Exactly. Are you allright; We'll stay here for a while. I will work again as a bodyguard. Don't you worry about me. Don't do that job for me. One day i'll become a clerk again. Stop worrying. You need some rest. Eh,old man! Where is Grandfather; He's sick today. HE won't come. -You make him work toomuch. -I'm sorry. You must take care of him more. Sake is awful,as always. Can't get any better. Same old story for 10 years! Can you give it to that guy? I'm not your clerk! What a nerve! Can't you take the by yourself? Drink at the bench! W-w-welcome. Leave the welcomes. Where is this month's money? Please, giveme some time. What a joke! We never wait! I'll find the money. Say hello to your boss. Your sake sucks! Shut up! What do you want? Send a message to your boss. Capable RONIN looks for bodyguard job. Samurai... It's late. Ginjo boss probably won't come. Samurai,you're the one that seeks for a master to protect?As a bodyguard? Show me what you can do. Well.. Not the rope. Look at your leg. Bone-setter,i'm off to the fields. Tell me,lady... Can i do something to help? Thank you for offering your help... ...but i cannot ask from a blind man to cut the woods. Don't you care about it.You get some rest. My dear... You came back late last night. -Anything happened? -I found a good job. As a bodyguard again? I beg you,don't do it for me. I beg you,stop doing this kind of jobs. Don't be fool. With the money you may get well. Tell me... You hired that RONIN? Yes. We have 2 problems to solve. We must clean Ijutsu and Funahatsi. After that the town will be yours,boss. Try not to be very hard. Yes. Don't you worry. Really...Do you have any news on the Heihatsi murder? Some rumours.It is said that he was kill by a geisa. That's what we know for now. A bit more,bone-setter? No,thank you. I've had enough.Thanks again. My lady,while i was cutting woods... ...someone was running round the house. What was he? Neighbour's son. He's crazy with a certificate. Don't you pay to him. He imagines that he's a samurai. He runs like that all day. Samurai! So... -I'll be out for a while. -For work? Not exactly. For this. What?You gamble? Better stay away from that. My nephew is addicted to gambling. He refuses to work, he gambles all day. WHat can i say... He's lost from the face of the earth. For me,it's a pleasure. Some pleasures can be very dangerous. What do u think? This sword cost me a fortune. Yes,mr.Oggi,a wonderfull sword. I will give it back to Lord Sakai. He will be very please to do work with us. Sure. I'd say that you test it on the first beggar that comes by. -Who?Me? -Yes,you! Thanx you,master, but you better do it. No way! I'm not makin my kimono dirty! You do it! Why don't you take a RONIN? You fool! Hire a RONIN to test a sword? -Do as i say! -But... Someone's coming! Slaughter that blind man. Do it fast! Are you afraid of a blind man? My...sword! I'm sorry! You fool! Are we playing! 3 plus 1,even. New game! Any objections? A blind man? -Sit here,blind man. -I am a bone-setter. -Even. -No more bets. We're playing. 3 plus 2,odd. I'm unlucky. New game. Any objections? Any objections? Odd. -You don't bet? -Just watch.for now. You watch?But you are blind. 1 plus 1,even. Boss! The bodyguard is here. Place your bets. Odd. Even. End of bets. We're playing. 4 plus 2,even. Any objections? Any objections? Them? Yes. Stop!Please,don't! It's over. Mr.Oggi's problems are over for now. There he is. A bit of sake.. Old man... May i have some sake? Samurai... Bone-setter... Your walking stick!I'm sorry. What a lovely walking stick. Bone-stter... I'm not a usual bone-setter. You also stink blood yourself. It's a bit uncomfortable in here. No use pulling your sword like that. My dear... You had to kill again? You fool! It's a bot early for a fuss like that. Go home. The battle is over. My bone-setter didn't come back last night. Maybe he found a woman. OGGI SIR! I'm going to Lord Sakai. Hold on. On your way back... ...get something tasty to eat. Thank you,sir! Next!Kaneko Hishiro! Some RONIN are really strong. Hatori will gace them. You coward! The art of battle is not the walking stick. The real samurai uses his sword! Are you Yamatzi Isaburo? Yes. Who are you? Hatori Genosouke. I must kill you to regain my honur. Grab your sword! Kill me if you want. I never... ...owned a sword. Where do you find honour... ..in killing a crippled man like me? The art of battle is not the walking stick! A real samurai uses his sword! He's half-dead. No point in killing him. Come,quickly! Why you're such a rush? Shut up!I wanted to see you. It is better like this,ain't it? 2 plus 3,odd. New game. Any objections? Place your bets. Bet in what? Odd. May i join? Odd! End of bets. We're playing. 4 plus 1,odd. Yes!Here! Bone-setter... Its full of beautiful women. You must win. Thanks to that bone-setter, i've gathered a fortune. SO,you wanna pay for one night with us? Bone-setter... Wannna have some fan? I'll talk to the mistress. I'll find5-6 geisas. I'll take care of it,young master. You stay here.I'll go. Ah!It hurts! I am not a rabbit! Dont'pull my ears! No violence! Don't be naughty! That much?Not possible! Ah!It hurts! Can i stand a small needle? No,the smaller the needle... ...the greater the pain! Very funny!Come over. -Drink something. -Thank you. Really funny! Seen that,bone-setter? Can't see much. Osei,are you ready to dance? Dance!Great! Come on,dance! Miss Okinu... ...why u pulled out the strings? You want our money? And you,miss Osei... ...aren't you a guy? You don't smell a woman. Blind men... are sensitive in that matters. Hidden sword? What all these mean? Bone-setter... you may think i am lying... ...but i'm gonna tell you the truth. Our father... ...was a rich rise. Come and see Snowy. Don't tell anyone. Heihatsi... You pulled through for 7 years. Heihatsi,where are they hidden? -Here. -How many are they? The Narutos,both their children 3 maids ęáé 4 guys that help them. Tasitsi,what have u found? 8 safes full of money. They've gathered a fortune! Inosuke,we're rich for the rest of our lives! Call the boss Kutsinawa. You killed them all? The kids? We did'nt find them anywhere. You full! We don't have time.Let's go. We've hunted Heihatsi,the servant. What are you doing? You were working for Naruto. Don't you recognise us? Of the Naruto family? I am the daughter! As far as the others concerned, i only know their names. Tell me their names. Inosuke and Tasitsi. They also mentioned the boss Kutsinawa. That's what we know. And all these years you were searching? Even. Wrong again! I'll try with my eyes closed. Like him. How does he do that by only hearing? I am so unlucky! One got away! That's the problem. Odd. Even. I thinkk i got it. My senses work better with my eyes closed. Good! Sinkitsi! You're sitting with your eyes closed. Won't you bet? I 'm listening. To what; You're sitting here and listen? I have the right to hear. You were asking for it. Don't play tough on me! This dump needs customers. You bastard! Take it easy,Sinkitsi! You can listen and bet. You're calling me with my first name? You shouldn't be talkin like that to a customer! Customer? You used to work for me. Shut up and bet! Bad for you. Last sound was... OK. Odd! Odd. We're playing. 4 plus 2,even! So? Message for your boss. What? Go to hell! -Is miss Ijutsu here? -One moment,please. May i ask what are youlooking for here? Your late husband owes money from gambling. I am taking your store. You got 3 days to go. Not a day more. -this is madness! -Shut up! Don't get involved ni our business! You see those dolls? -You know them? -No. I wish i new them! The red one is hot. Some more sake,please. Osei... Should we ask for job? Sir... You know if we can offer our services anywhere? We don't have jobs. -You know anyone? You can try at Mr.Oggi. He's in charge now, thanks to Ginjo. To that mr.Oggi... Can u introduce us to him? Old man,help the ladies. Grandfather,go find Oggi. Go yourself,you bastard! Don't take advantage of the old man! Fast! I present you the windmill! Look how it spins. Boss! The tavern owner introduces you to two geisas. They are free tonight. Great.Send them. You two,go away! Lord Sakai,in a while we will have 2 lovely geisas for company. Fast. What time are we playing? Even. Even! End of bets. We're playing. 5 plus 3,even. I won! Oggi! I have to watch this for a long time? Lets watch some dancing. The show is over.Go away! Time to dance,ladies. Quickly!Dance! Odd. End of bets. We're playing. 4 plus 1,odd. Bone-setter, should we bet everything? New game. Any objections? Eh! The dice don't sound the same. You damn bone-setter! Master. A bone-setter has turned the club upside-down. Boss wants you to go. A bone-setter? Please,sir. Let's go. Leave me. Come on. Do as he says! Don't touch me! Are you ok? Be careful where you're stepping at. Watch out! What are youlooking at? Bone-setter... Wait here. I go see what's happening. Ah! Girls,this way! Quickly! That Oggi guy is horrible! I hit him and we left when the customer went to take Osei. We had troubles in Ginjo store. But the bone-setter had put everybody to the ground. It was unbelievable. Who are you,anyway? If we stay here,they'll find us shortly . Lets go to my aunt's. Not possible.Ginjo's men are all over the place. That's true. I have an idea. Okinu,you got any make-up? Of course. Bone-setter,come here. Don't move. -What is it? -I paint eyes. For me? open! Who's that this kind of hour? -Who's that? -Your nephew,Sinkitsi. He probaly lost everything again. Come in. Who are these guys? Watch out,bone-setter. -Bone-setter! -Yes,its me. You are useless! What happened to the bodyguard? Everything was over when he came. The bone-setter was allready gone. Who's that bone-setter? Don't really know.A bone-setter. That punk,Sinkitsi,was with him. He often goes the club. It wouldn't be hard to track him. We'll get the bone-setter too. Firstly we must make the Funahatsi gang extinct. Don't you say... We were suddenly going from town to town. Cheating men and robbing them. Ten years? These punks must live differently now. Hold on. Wasn't Oggi here ten years ago? Right. Indeed,that Oggi... Something's not right about him. I saw his arm. He has a snake tattoo. One moment... The names u just told... You mentined someone named Kutsinawa? Yes,right. Kutsinawa means rotten rope. Maybe it means snake. Right; Bone setter! Don't look me with these eyes! I've heard about last night. A bone-setter ruined your store. Yes. We run with the bodyguard. But we were late. Oggi... How were those ladies? Lord Sakai tried to take one. But the other one hit me hard. The way i saw them acting... ...i am sure they are not real geisas. Listen... Learn anything you can about that bone-setter and the geisas. We're playing. Even. Odd. I won. This is my home. Go!Go away! You're still eating? I told you to clean up! Young Seitaro, master wants to see you. You,clean up this mess! Come with me,Seitaro. You are so lovely! from now on you will be my boy. If you do what i say... ...your sister and you are welcome to live here. You want to live here? I'll buy you some beautiful kimonos. What are you doing there? Stay away from the master's room! No! Sir... You want to spent some time with me? Osei... Time for practise. Sister... WHat's wrong? Nothing. Are you ok? Aunt,you have an um ela? Over there. I'm going to see what's happening downtown. Thank you. Grandfather,where is the old man today? He had something to take care of. That dull man? Why you're working in this dump? Don't have any family? Exactly. He picked me from the streets and offered my a job. I was treated good. I'm thankful for what he hs done for me. It's better begging than working in here! If you sit outside in the ground, you'll earn more for sure. 5 plus 1,even. New game. Any ojections? What are you doing here,bastards? Pay,if you wanna play. Watch out. We were here first. You're looking for trouble,bastard? You're looking for trouble? Ginjo wants to compete. Stay back. Oh my God! Hold on... It's over. That bone-setter... Do u think he's Zatoichi? And that geisas... ..must be from the Naruto family. Naruto's taking down... When did this happen? Ten years ago. I see. If the kids survive, they must be grownups now. I wonder... That bodyguard... ' ' ' ...is he capable of winning Zatoichi? Where is Oggi? Boss Ginjo himself! I'm glad you came! This way please. I've heard your business go well. -I told you not to come here. -don't worry. Funahatsis are past. We're in charge now. The only thing left is to make our pockets full. Clean up in here! Great news! Funahatsi gang is extincted. Ginjo gang and the bodyguard slaughtered them all. That Ginjo guy pays for that tromendous bodyguard! Bone-setter,you better don't go to the town. Sinkitsi,that bodyguard is really so strong? He's unbelievable. If we had to face each other at night, who would be the winner? If it was so dark, noone would see a thing. The winner would be probably you. You think it's funny? Let's see you now. I'll train you.Come! I'teach you the art of battle. Concentrate. We start. Attack from all sides. Not all at the same time! Let's try again. For safety,let's plan the moves. Listen to me. Me first... Like that... You hit here. Then... ...you! And then,you. Good. Let's try. You see? You see what you can do? Faster now. Good.That's it! Not like that! It hurts,you fool! End of leston. You jerks! What are you doing You fool!Go home! -I'll have a bath. -Me too. No!Men first. I'm a man myself! Bone-setter... I'm thinkin of paying a visit to Oggi,again. I have to know if he was one of the thiefs. Water is cold.Boil it better! Don't get on my nervers!Ain't it too much allready you bathing yourself at daylight! You're useless! It isnt good cold. Please,boil it a bit more. That's what i'm doing! I confess it's unbelievable. You really look like a woman. Make-up makes men more beautiful? Not all. Depends on the face. Welcome. We wanna ask sorry from mr.Oggi. He paid us to dance for him and we treated him disrespectful. Really? Can you tell him we said sorry? Sit down. Oggi drinks too much.He probably has allready forgotten abou it. -Don't you worry. -I hope you're right. We haven't see you lately. -Where do you live? -At ms.Ume's house. Is there a bone-setter living with you? Are you allright,grandfather? Throw'em out. drink something. Thank you. Oggi and Ginjo are friends now. They are preparing something. But their job has nothing to do with you. One more? Not yet. I'm off to Oggi's. I'll be late. You wait here. Oggi says he's not angry at all. He likes you and wants to see you both. thanx you very much. Thank you for the sake. Good luck. Where are the others? They 're off to the city. What are youdoing over there? Are you mad? I wanna be beautiful,like Osei. What are you craving for! What's all this fuss? You're back,silly kid? -Where is the bone-setter? -Who are you? We want the bone-setter. -He's not here. -You cannot hide him from us. But he's not here. We''ll burn down the house and he will appear. Burn it! Stop! Aunt Ume!we're in trouble! The house is on fire!wake up! We're in trouble! Come on! Quickly! Who are these people? Sinkitsi! Damn! Very beautiful woman. Woman? Thinks are not alwys what they seem too be,Inosouke. Don't use that old name. The walls have ears here. Myname now is Ginjo. What are you looking at? Keep dancing. We know it all. You're Naruto's kids. -Bone-setter! -Girls,go now. Call the bodyguard. Inosouke,where are you heading at? -Where is the bodyguard? -At his home. Call him now! Gimmie the sword! On top of mama-turtle goes the baby-turtle. On top of baby-turtle goes the baby-baby-turtle. On top of baby-turtle goes the baby-baby-baby-turtle. Mama-turtle goes down... ...baby-turtle goes down,baby-baby-turtle goes down,baby-baby-baby-turtle goes down too. All the thiefs are dead. Except boss Kutsinawa. He must be really old now. He'll be dead shortly anyway. Don't think about him. You better think about your future. You can stay here. You can become a man again. I'm fine as i am now. Where is the bone setter? He must be somewhere around here. But the fest starts today. You found me. How did you know? Bitch. You may change as much as u want... ...this awful smell will always stay the same. Stop bullshitting,blind man! I proudly accept that i am boss Kutsinawa. A blind man like yourself... ...Will not slaughter me easily! WHat the hell!You're not blind? -Not at all. -Thwn why you pretend to be blind? Cause blind men can sense the world better. I knew you could see! I knew it from the first time you came here. You killed my men. And Torakitsi You kille dthe tavern man.. It was a kid from the streets. I picked him up many years ago. I taught him the business so he could be my successor. All my gang is gone... ...from a wandering bone-setter like yourself. How did u know that i was the real boss Kutsinawa; From the time you threw your walking stick, to see the sword. Your the worst gangster of all. Really; I m like a cripple now. My retirement time has arrived. But i lived a full life. I regret for nothing. Come on, kill me! U dont deserve death. Finish your life as blind man! Even with my eyes wide open... ... I can't see anything! GR+KK

OMERZEN presents :) yyeTs Presents All Subtiles Are 4 Evaluation Use Only CCŁşDean TimelineŁşsHiN3 TranslatorŁşsHiN3 SupervisorŁşsHiN3 evians Previously On 24 You're not my son. Why? Because I don't want to kill innocent people? Because you're weak and you stand for nothing! Is there a problem, Navi? Government agents have arrested Dina and surrounded the building that I'm in. How much more time do you need to melt down the remaining nuclear power plants? One hour, maybe two. I don't want to have to kill you, but I will. I have a suspect in custody. I need assistance. I need you to take Dina Araz and her son back to CTU and head up the interrogation. Wait a second, Jack. They're not going to let me set foot in CTU, even if I wanted to. If I press hard enough I can get you reinstated, but I need to know now: Is that what you want? Ms. Driscoll, I'm sure you're aware of my history here. Not an issue. Jack Bauer and secretary Heller both vouch for you. That's enough for me. Did Powell worked directly for the terrorists? I told you, I don't know. I need names, people who can get us to the override. This place may not be as empty as it seems. What, you think this is some kind of trap? Yes. I do. I didn't give him anything. I... What does CTU know about the override? Audrey, it's me. Hey, did you find anything at the address? Yeah, the company that owns the building, it's called galaxy financial services. Have you ever heard of them? No, should I have? Your husband's the chief financial officer. What are you doing here? What's really going on? Are you spying on me? Are you doing something worth spying on? What is that supposed to mean?! Take your hands off of her! You set me up! Put your hands on your head now! What do you want? I want some answers. The following takes place between 5:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. I think it would be better if you left the room while I question your husband. You can wait just outside with the backup team. What are you going to do to him? Whatever I have to. I'm staying. Fine. Look at me, Paul. Look at me! I've got nothing to say to you. This is what you need to know, Paul. There are five nuclear power plants ready to melt down. All I care about right now is making sure that that doesn't happen. Your name is on a lease in a building in chatsworth that was used by the terrorists to plan today's attack. That makes you a prime suspect. I'm going to treat you like one. Do you understand that? My name is on at least 50 different leases. I own ten different corporations. I don't know anything about some building in chatsworth. I don't believe you. The lease of that building was notarized. There's documentation of your id. Ctu verified your signature. Paul, you need to start talking to me now. I've got nothing to say to you. Jack. I don't think that Paul would be a traitor to this country. Right now Paul is a prime suspect, and he's not cooperating with me and I don't have time to do this any other way. I need to know for sure. Paul... this is the last chance you've got to talk to me before I have to hurt you. Tell me about 24878 alvert street in chatsworth. Why's your name on the lease? Jack, please. Audrey, don't interfere! If you need to step outside of this room, do it. Why is your name on the lease? You're bluffing. I need that information, Paul, I need it now. Come on, Paul, just tell me. What's your connection to the terrorists? Jack? Please, don'T. All right, all right, all right. I-I-I don't know the specific building you're talking about. I can find out. How?! My corporate records are stored on my laptop. If that address is under my name then it'll come up. Maybe there's someone else involved I don't know about. What's your user id log-in number? It'll be much quicker if I just do it. Please. You want me to believe that you're not involved with this, Paul? You better show me who is. I'm sorry I had to call you here, Marwan, but I had no choice. Ctu is trying to disable the override, using a drinfeld module. They've already shut down over 90 reactors. We always knew they'd stop some of them. The important thing is that one of the reactors has melted down. As long as the override has control of the other five, I can do the rest from here. Everything is ready for you upstairs. Will anyone in that office be suspicious? I've reported a system failure. If anyone asks, tell them you're from it restoring my hard drive. My desk is in the last row, three from the end, seat 86. The override is well disguised inside the desk. Here is the key. Good. How much time will you need? 45 minutes to melt down the remaining reactors. I'm here if you need anything. Where is the CTU agent? Forbes is questioning him now. He's out. He's not going to tell us anything. What does Marwan want us to do with him? Finish him off. Then get rid of the body. Take care of it. He came with a woman and two other agents. Where are their bodies? They're already in the van. Yeah, here it is. Galaxy financial services. What kind of a company is it? It's, um, a failing payroll service I was about to dissolve, and someone came in with an offer to buy 51 of the shares. Seven, 800 grand, something like that. Here-- Harris Barnes, director. Who is Harris Barnes? I, uh... don't remember. What do you mean you don't remember? I'm involved with over 30 companies. I don't deal directly with most of them. Explain to me, Paul, how your name got on the lease. I don't know. You expect me to believe that you entered into a business deal worth hundreds of thousands of dollars with someone that you'd never met? Yes. My attorney handles most of the... Paul, I don't believe you! Jack, it's possible. Paul has put together a lot of deals through his attorneys. This is Sarah. Hey, it's me. I need you to run a name for me. Go ahead. Harris Barnes. He's the director of a cAlifornia corporation-- galaxy financial services. What am I looking for? Where he lives, his businesses, anything that could possibly connect with any terrorist activity. All right, give me a minute. I'll be here. She's calling me right back. Excuse me. Oh, your boyfriend is just a thug with a badge. Paul, why is your name on that lease? Unbelievable. An hour ago, I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself that you didn't want me back. And now... you think I'm a terrorist? You think I had something to do with you and your father's kidnapping? I don't know what to believe anymore. Yeah? Okay, I ran down the name Harris Barnes, and a lot of data came up, but it was inconsistent. So I went into the irs records and found out that Harris Barnes didn't appear on their logs until two years ago. So it's an Alias. As far as I can tell it's a washed id, with a vAlid social security number and credit card history. Interpol back-traced a name and provided a list of foreign nationals who've used it in the past. Who used it most recently? A man named Habib Marwan. Okay, we need to find him. I think we already have. What do you mean? Marwan used the name Harris Barnes to lease more office space here in L.A. It turns out the same address was given to us an hour ago by Marianne Taylor. She and Curtis are there now. What's the address? It's the 29th floor at the Rockland building downtown. Okay, I'm on my way. As soon as Curtis calls, you patch him through to me. You got it. You think Marwan's there? Right now, it's our only lead. If he is, that's where the override is. I'll get back to you. I want you to tell me who's still out there. I want the name of anyone who can help us find that override to stop the plants from melting down. My husband kept all of this from me. I only helped. That's a bunch of crap. Now, we know you were just as involved as your husband. Listen, we're quite aware that the only reason you're helping us is because of your son. But believe me, it's not too late for us to change our minds about how we treat him. There are a few men whose names I heard Navi mention. They might know what you want. But I don't know how to find them. All right. Why don't you start by writing the names down? As far as we can tell, this Habib Marwan's been controlling the override. Jack's on his way there now? Yes. Curtis and his team are already at that building. I know, but we haven't been able to reach him or his team members. He's not answEring his cell. How far is Jack? About 15 minutes out. Keep trying Curtis. Tell him Jack's on the way. We have to coorDinate the two and find that override. Okay. Tony? Ask her about a man named Habib Marwan. Who's Habib Marwan? I heard Navi speak of him a few times. He's an engineer. Beyond that, I don't know. Miss Driscoll? Yes? This is Alison Lackey at the clinic. There's a problem with your daughter Maya. I think you should get down here as soon as you can. I'll be right there. Thank you. It's the CTU agent's phone. What should we do? Nothing. Let them wonder where he is. By the time they reAlize what's happened, it will be too late. Find out if Adam and Jason have disposed of the body. They should have been back by now. All right. Yeah? Ali, Adam and Jason are dead. Did the agent escape? No, the door's still armed. He's still on this floor. - Find him. - Yeah. Yes. The CTU agent is loose on this floor. How did he escape? He killed two of our men. Does he know the override is in the building? I don't think so, and he can't get to it. We have the exits covered. Disconnect all the hotlines. He can't be allowed to contact CTU. I will. No, no, no. You can't keep me here! Maya, please. We just want to help you feel better! I'll feel better when you get out of my face! Maya! What took you so long? I thought she was given a sedative. We did. She's fighting it. Give me a few minutes with her. Sure. Nurse. Honey. Honey... I ought you here so that you could be near me. Isn't that what you wanted? I want for us to go home. Maya, we will, honey, but we can't just yet, honey. I don't like these people here. Maya, Maya, that's not going to make you feel better. You're wrong. I do feel better. - Sweetheart, I need you to... - Go, get out! You're such an important person, why don't you take care of your important business? - Maya... - Doctor? Doctor?! Doctor? Yes, Maya? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was misbehaving. But I promise to be good. If you'll just get that out of here. I'm going. I'm going. Bye. I'll be in my office if you need me. Come on, Maya. Curtis's phone is ringing, and he's not answEring it? Right. It rang several times before I got his message. If he had turned it off, it would have gone to voice mail immediately. He's in trouble. Where are the field teams? Castle and his men will be there in two minutes. I can have them set up a staging area along the perimeter and stand by for your command. What's the probability that Marwan's even in the facility? We don't know yet. Where are they staging? They'll be waiting for you in a parking lot at the northwest corner of wilshire and grand, one block away. Okay. Have your people found Marwan yet? No. Audrey, you, you have to know that I would never be involved in anything that could ing you harm. Of all the people this Marwan could approach to do business and he chose you? It's a hell of a coincidence, Paul. It might not just be a coincidence. They might have wanted Paul for more than just the corporate shell. He chose Paul because he was my husband? That would put them one degree of separation from your father. So this Marwan used me to get to Audrey's father. It's a possibility. Well, I had no idea where Audrey or her father would be today. The information they used to stage the kidnapping couldn't have come from me. They would have used your relationship with her father for something else. Maybe to plan something for the future, a contingency plan. I've been careless. I'm so sorry. all right, well, so far every name Dina's given us has checked out as a mid-level cell member. But what's interesting is that Marwan, who she claims to have never met, is connected to everyone on this list. It looks like all roads lead to him. This must be his operation. Which means she definitely knows more than she's telling us. What do you want to do to make her talk? I just need you to give me a little bit of rope. Do it. Why don't you tell me about Habib Marwan? I already told you. No, you told me you never met him. I haven'T. Danny, could you come in here, please? I'm going to need all video and audio monitoring in this room disconnected. Thank you. I'm not a stupid woman. What are you trying to prove with this? I'm not trying to prove anything. I just don't want what I'm about to say to be recorded. I don't believe you. Open the door! Everybody out. Get out, now! Everyone, Erin. Unless you tell me the whole truth right now, that deal you made to save your son is over! And he goes to prison for murder and treason! You can't do that. The president signed an agreement. If that deal gets in the way of protecting this country, you think the president's gonna stand behind it? He's gonna tear it up, and your son goes to prison for the rest of his life. Let me tell you, I know a little something about prison. And based on the conditions of his confinement, I can tell you right now, I give behrooz about three months before he commits suicide. And by the way, I'm going to make it my personal mission to make sure you never hear word one about what happens to him, ever! Wait. Habib Marwan is the man our cell reported to in the united states. You said your cell. How many other cells reported to him? I don't know. But there are others? Yes. How many? I told you, I don't know. The cells are not in contact with one another. Marwan thought it was safer that way. What about the override? Is it in his possession right now? Definitely. Definitely? Why definitely? Your programmers are trying to interfere with the meltdown sequence. Marwan is the only one capable of stopping them. And he's trying to do this by controlling it directly? Exactly. Where? Where?! Somewhere in downtown. The rocklyn building? Yes. Sarah Gavin. Sarah, get me Jack Bauer on the phone. You got it. Place her back in holding. Erin, Dina just confirmed Marwan's got the override. He's at the rocklyn building. Everyone, listen up! The address where Curtis is and where Jack Bauer is heading, is the location of the override. I want every station to focus on this location. I want field teams ready. Rework your assault tactics on the building factoring in this new information. Let me speak to Tony. Hold on a second. Tony. I've got Jack. Jack. Yeah? We have confirmation: Habib Marwan is controlling the override. He's at the address you're headed to. What about Curtis? No, we haven't been able to reach him yet. Have you changed the assault profiles? We're working on it. Look, Marwan's the key to this. He can't know we're coming or he'll take off with the override. Also, we're running out of time. We've got about 20 minutes before these plants start to melt down. Okay, tell Castle to prep for a low-profile assault. Tell him I'm on my way. Copy that. Get me Castle. Ali? Go. Have you found him yet? Marwan, it was not necessary for you to come down. Not necessary? We will find him. If I'm captured, it'll end everything we've been working for. We control the floor. He can't get far. Don't tell me what he can't do. He's already killed two of our men. What is it, Forbes? Tell me you've got him. No, I'm sorry, Marwan. He may have gotten away. How is that possible? Ali says the floor is locked off. I know. We're still searching. But we've got to deal with ventilation, air ducts, ceiling space... I don't care how you get him, as long as he's contained. I need 30 minutes. Can you make that happen? I can make it happen. 30 minutes. Who's Marwan? Who is he? Does he have the override? Does he have the override? Yes. Where is he? Where is he? One flight up. I don't have access to the floor. Ctu Sarah Gavin. Sarah, it's Curtis. Where's Driscoll? Where have you been? We've been trying to reach you. I'm still in the rocklyn building. Sarah, listen. Maryanne's dead, I'm sure our backup teams are dead, too. The override is here. Uh, Jack's on his way to you now. Jack? I need you to put together a security detail for Paul and Audrey Raines now. I'll take care of it. I want you to stay here with these men until I get back. Are you going in? Yeah. One second. This is Bauer. Jack, it's manning. Where are you? I'm still in the building-- 29th floor. Where are you? I'm in the staging area about a block away. Have you secured the override device? No, but it's here, on an upper floor. A man named Marwan is in control. I know, CTU worked up a partial profile. What's your mobility? Limited. They're still looking for me. But I took an access card off one of the hostiles. How do we meet? Take the main elevator. There's only one guard posted there. I'll take care of him. I'm on my way. We've got Marwan boxed in. I want you to send in your team, reinforce the perimeter. I want men on the first floor in case this thing goes hot. Got it. I'll be right back. Go, go! That was our field agents from the rocklyn building. Your daughter's with them now. She's safe. I don't want her anywhere near harm's way. She won't be, sir. I understand we're closing in on the override? We hope so, sir. We believe we've found where the terrorists have it. Which is where? In an office building in L.A. We believe the terrorists are either associated with one of the tenants, or they've created a corporation they're hiding behind. How is CTU proceeding? We have teams converging. Once we find the override, we have to use it to reprogram the reactors manually. Will there be enough time to reprogram? Our people will be ready, sir, once we find it. All right. I don't have to remind both of you of the consequences if we fail. Everyone here understands what's at stake, sir. Excuse Me, Miss Driscoll? Dr. Sanford's on line two. Excuse me, sir. I'll meet you on the floor. Yes, doctor? I'm sorry to bother you, but Maya's acting out again. What is she doing? She's being abusive to my staff. She's oken a few things. If she doesn't settle down, I'm going to have to move her to a private hospital. We're not equipped to handle a patient like Maya. All right, don't do anything. I'll be right there. Sarah? Excuse me. Is Edgar still online with NRC? Yes. They found any alternate ways to stop the meltdowns? Not without the override, no. What's happening at the rocklyn building? Castle just called in. His teams are spread out on the perimeter. What about Curtis? He's about to meet up with Jack inside the building. Okay, where are you monitoring? Station three. All right, I'll be there in a few minutes. Make sure everything's ready and calm if Jack and Curtis get their hands on the override. OK. You're a cruel person. Do you know that? Maya, please. This is a restricted area. You have to stay in your bed. Stay in my bed? What am I, a baby? Maya! What do you want, mother? Don'T. Please, don't treat these people disrespectfully. Please don't tell me what to do! I'll stop telling you what to do when you stop behaving like a child. What? You heard me. There are other people in this world besides you and they have problems, too. Now, are you gonna get a grip on yourself or am I going to have to call security and have them restrain you? You're pathetic, you know that? I will not allow you to talk to me like this. I will not! What are you going to do about it? I... I just want to get out of here, mommy. And I will take you home, but I have something I have to finish first. - No... - It's okay. Are we clear? Yeah. Good. That's my girl. We've got a man down. Take the wall. You okay? Yeah, I overheard a phone conversation between Marwan and one of his men. We have less than 15 minutes. How many are still Alive? I'm not sure. But at least four. Have your men secure the floor. Curtis and I are going after the override. Which way? This way. What about backup? No backup-- we can't let Marwan know we're coming. What's upstairs? Ids data systems. My guess is Marwan somehow inserted a sleeper into the company. They must have used their servers to download the virus into the nuclear power plants. By piggybacking on ids hardware. Yeah. Take the door. All right. Clear. Step away from the door, ma'am. I need you to exit the building. It's an emergency. You ready? Yeah. Let's go. Did you get a description on him? No. It could be anyone. Hey, bob, what's going on? Yes? Marwan, it's Ali. We've been discovered! Ali? Make sure all the exits are covered on all floors. Roger that. Last man down. Curtis! Stay down! Stay down! I got this exit! You got him? No! Jack, I have the override! Secure it! Call CTU now! Now! I got him! Driscoll. Erin, it's Curtis. I have the override. Put Edgar on. Edgar, line one. It's Curtis. He has the override. This is Edgar Stiles. Is the override logged in? Yes. Send it to channel 11. I can'T. What do you mean you can't? All the fields are write-protected. It's not supposed to be. If you're directly plugged into the override, you should be able to do anything you want. Yeah, I'm telling you, it's locked up. What do you want me to do? Miss Driscoll, the clinic just called. Tell them they're going to have to wait. - They said it was an... - Tell them! Edgar, we're out of time. If you're going to do something, do it now. Marwan was the engineer on the project. He must've modified the override to do this. The NRC screen is showing the meltdown stage is already beginning. Edgar, do something! Curtis, there must be a hot key. There's a lot of keys, Edgar. I can't just try random combinations. It'll take too long. Press the function keys one at a time. The status window on the bottom will light up when you get to an active one. F5. Good, hold it down and press escape. Nothing. Try F5, shift, escape. Okay, it's responding. Good, set it to channel 11. Hurry up. Edgar, now they have three plants in meltdown initiation. Did you get it? I hope so. It's starting to respond. Yes! Yes! The temperature is dropping on all remaining power plants. Good work. Congratulations, Edgar! Great work, Erin. Thank you, sir. Excuse me. Maya? Where is she? Maya? Oh! Oh! Oh, baby... Oh... It's over, sir. We've stopped the meltdown. This is Bauer. We got a man down. Marwan is in the northwest stairwell headed to ground level. Does anybody read me? Jack, it's Castle. I'll get man up there. All CTU agents: Marwan is impersonating a CTU officer. I repeat, the suspect is impersonating a CTU officer. Solaris, do you read me? Solaris, do you read me?!

Dismount! Herman's horsesick! Chaps, no one wander off! Some of the passageways in here can run for miles. I don't think this is such a good idea. What is it? - Did you get anything yet? - Nothing. The kid's got something. I got something, Fedora! I got something right here. Oh, look at that! - We're rich! We're rich! - Shut up! Indy? Indy? What are they doing? Indiana? Indiana...? We gotta find more stuff. It's the Cross of Coronado. Cortés gave it to him in 1520. I'll give that ring to my mama and put it on her bony finger! That cross is an important artefact, it belongs in a museum. Run back, tell Mr Havelock there are men looting in the caves. Have him ing the sheriff. It's only a snake! Did you hear me? Right. Run back. Mr Havelock. The sheriff... What are you gonna do? I don't know. I'll think of something. Dig with your hands, not your mouth! - He's got our thing. - Get him! Mr Havelock! Anybody! Everybody's lost but me. There he is! Let's go! Hey, you! We're gonna get you! Hey! Come back here! Come on! Get him! Come back here! Here, let me! Holy smoke! Come on, kid. There's no way out of this. Toss up the whip! That belongs to me. - It belongs to Coronado. - He's dead, and all his grandchildren! This should be in a museum. Give me that! A snake! Don't let him get away! Magic? Make sure he doesn't double back. OK, kid, out of the box, now! Son of a bitch! Damn! Dad! Dad! - Dad! It's important. - Wait. Count to twenty. - No, listen to me... - Junior! One, two, three, four... In Greek. May he who illuminated this illuminate me. - I ought the sheriff. - Just the man I want to see. - Five or six of them... - All right. You still got it? Well, yes... it's right here. I'm glad to see that. Because the rightful owner won't press charges if you give it back. He's got witnesses, five or six of them. Good day. You lost today, kid. But it doesn't mean you have to like it. - Small world, Dr Jones. - Too small for two of us. I've had to reclaim my property from you before. That belongs in a museum! So do you! Throw him over the side! Grab him, he's getting away! Archaeology is the search for fact... ...not truth. If it's truth you're interested in, the philosophy class is down the hall. Forget lost cities, exotic travel and digging up the world. We don't follow maps to treasure, and X never ever marks the spot. Seventy per cent of all archaeology is done in the li ary. Research, reading... We cannot afford to take mythology at face value. Next week: Egyptology and the excavation of Naukratis of 1885. I'll be in my office if anybody's got problems. Marcus... I did it. You've got it? - Know how long I've looked for that? - All your life. - All my life. - Well done, very well done indeed. This will find a place of honour in our Spanish collection. We can discuss my honorarium over dinner and champagne. - Your treat. - Yes... my treat. Dr Jones! Your mail is on your desk. Here are your phone messages. This is your schedule. These papers still need grading. Irene, put everybody's name on a list... ...and I'll see each and every one of them in turn! Venice, Italy. Dr Jones! Dr Jones! Dr Jones! Dr Jones. I trust your trip down was comfortable, Dr Jones. My men didn't alarm you, I hope. My name is Walter Donovan. I know you. Your contributions to the museum have been generous. Your collection is very impressive. Like yourself, I have a passion for antiquities. Have a look over here. This might interest you. Well, it's sandstone. Christian symbol. Early Latin text. Mid-12th century. - That was our assessment, too. - Where's it from? My engineers unearthed it north of Ankara, while excavating for copper. Can you translate the inscription? '... who drinks the water I shall give him,' says the Lord, 'will have a spring inside him welling up for eternal life.' Let them ing me to your Holy Mountain where you dwell, across the desert, through the mountain, to the Canyon of the Crescent Moon, to the temple where the cup that... ...where the cup that holds the blood of Jesus Christ resides for ever. The Holy Grail, Dr Jones. The chalice used by Christ during the Last Supper, that caught his blood at the Crucifixion and was entrusted to Joseph of Arimathea. The Arthur Legend. I've heard this bedtime story before. Eternal life! The gift of youth to whoever drinks from the Grail. - That's a bedtime story I like! - An old man's dream. Every man's dream, including your father's, I believe. Grail lore is his hobby. He's the teacher of Medieval Literature the students hope they don't get. You're neglecting your guests. Along in a moment, dear. Hard to resist, isn't it? The Grail's final resting place described in detail. What good is it? This tablet speaks of deserts, mountains, canyons... Pretty vague. Where do you start? If the tablet were intact, but the top portion is missing. Just the same, an attempt to recover the Grail is currently underway. Let me tell you another bedtime story. After the Grail was entrusted to Joseph, it was lost for a thousand years, before it was found again by three others in the First Crusade. I've heard this one, too. Two of the others walked out of the desert 150 years later and journeyed back to France, but only one made it. Before dying of... extreme old age, he supposedly imparted his tale to a Franciscan friar. Not supposedly, Dr Jones. This is the manuscript in which the friar chronicled the knight's story. It doesn't reveal the Grail's location, but the knight promised that two markers would. This tablet is one of those markers. It proves the knight's story is true, but it's incomplete. The second marker is in his dead other's tomb. Our project leader believes that tomb is located in Venice, Italy. As you can now see, we're about to complete a great quest that began almost two thousand years ago. We're only one step away. That's usually when the ground falls out from under you. You could be more right than you know. We've hit a snag. Our project leader has vanished, along with all his research. His colleague, Dr Schneider, has no idea of his whereabouts. I want you to pick up the trail where he left off. Find the man, and you will find the Grail. You've got the wrong Jones, Mr Donovan. - Why don't you try my father? - We already have. Your father is the man who's disappeared. Your father and I have been friends for years, and I've never seen you this concerned about him. He's an academic, not a field man. Dad? Dad? Dear God! What's the old fool got himself into now? I don't know, but whatever it is, he's in over his head. It's today's mail, and it's been opened. Mail... That's it, Marcus. Venice, Italy. What is it? It's Dad's Grail diary. Every clue he followed, every discovery he made. A complete record of his search for the Holy Grail. This is his whole life. Why would he have sent this to me? I don't know... but someone must want it pretty badly. Do you believe, Marcus? Do you believe the Grail actually exists? The search for it is the search for the divine in all of us. But if you want facts, I've none to give you. At my age, I'm prepared to take a few things on faith. Call Donovan, tell him I'll take that ticket to Venice now. I'll tell him we'll take two. - What'll happen in Ven...? - Dr Schneider will meet you. My apartment in Venice is at your disposal. Thank you. Dr Jones... good luck. Be very careful. Don't trust anybody. Ah, Venice. How will we recognise Dr Schneider? I don't know. Maybe he'll know us. Dr Jones? Yes. I knew it was you. You have your father's eyes. And my mother's ears, but the rest is yours. It looks like the best parts are spoken for. - Marcus Brody? - That's right. - Dr Elsa Schneider. - How do you do? I last saw your father in the li ary. He was very close to tracking down the tomb. He was so excited. - He was as giddy as a schoolboy. - Attila the Professor? He was never giddy, even as a schoolboy. - Fräulein, will you permit me? - I usually don't. - Me neither. - Then I permit you. - But by tomorrow it will have faded. - Tomorrow I'll... - I hate to interrupt, but the reason... - I have something to show you. Your father sent me to get an ancient plan of the city. When I got back, he'd gone, with all his papers except that scrap. - Roman numerals. - Here is the li ary. - That doesn't look like a li ary. - Looks like a converted church. It's the literal truth. You're on holy ground. These columns were ought back as spoils of war, after the sacking of Byzantium in the Crusades. The li ary's closing soon. I'll arrange for us to stay a little longer. Marcus, I've seen this window before. - Where? - Right here. In Dad's diary. - You see? - Look, Indy. The Roman numerals. - Dad was onto something here. - But we don't know what they mean. He sent me the diary for a reason. Let's keep it to ourselves. - Find something? - Three, seven and ten. - The numerals are on the window. - I must be blind. He wasn't looking for a book about the tomb, but for the tomb itself. The tomb is in the li ary. You said it used to be a church. Look! Three. Three. Seven. Seven. Ten... and ten. Where's the ten? Look around for the ten. Three and seven... Three and seven and ten... Ten! X marks the spot. - Bingo! - You don't disappoint, Dr Jones. - You're just like your father. - Except he's lost and I'm not. Lower me down. Look after this for me, will you? Come on! - Pagan symbols, 4th or 5th century. - Right. Six hundred years before the Crusades. The Christians dug their own passages centuries later. If there's a knight of the First Crusade here, that's where we'll find him. - What's this one? - The Ark of the Covenant. - Are you sure? - Pretty sure. Watch out. It's petroleum. I should sink a well down here and retire! The lighter. Oh, rats...! Come on. Come here. Look, it must be one of these. Look at the artistry of these carvings and the scrollwork. It's this one. This is it. We've found it! Look! The engraving on the shield is the same as on the Grail tablet. The shield is the second marker! What's that? It's a rubbing Dad made of the Grail tablet. Just like your father, giddy as a schoolboy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if he were here to see this? He'd never have made it past the rats. He hates rats. Get back against the wall! Quick, under it! Air pocket! - Don't wander off. - What? What?! I think I've found a way out. Deep eath! Ah... Venice! - Are you crazy? Not between them! - Between them? Are you crazy? - I said go around! - You said between them! I said don't go between them! No! - Why kill us? - Because you're looking for the Grail. - Did you kill my father, too? - No! Where is he? Talk or you're dead! Dammit, tell me! Tell me! - If you don't let go, we'll both die! - Then we'll die! My soul is prepared. How's yours? - This is your last chance! - No, Dr Jones, it's yours. All right, where's my father? If you let me go, I will tell you. - Who are you? - My name is Kazim. Why did you try to kill me? The secret of the Grail has been safe for a thousand years. All that time, the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword have been prepared to do anything to keep it safe. Let me off at this jetty. Ask yourself, why do you seek the Cup of Christ? Is it for His glory... or for yours? I didn't come for the Cup of Christ, I came to find my father. In that case, God be with you. He's held in the Castle of Brunwald on the Austrian-German border. - How's the head? - Better, now I've seen this. It's the name of a city: Alexandretta. The knights of the First Crusade laid siege to Alexandretta. The entire city was destroyed. The present city of Iskenderun is built on its ruins. Remember what the Grail tablet said? Across the desert, through the mountain, to the Canyon of the Crescent Moon. - Where, exactly? - Your father would know. Your father did know! Look, he made a map! He pieced it together from clues in the Grail quest. A map with no names. A city with an oasis due east... here. He knew the course turns south to the mountains, straight to the canyon! He knew the course turns south to the mountains, straight to the canyon! He knew everything except where to begin: The name of the city. - Alexandretta. Now we know. - Yes, now we know. Tell Sallah to meet you in Iskenderun. What about you? I'm going after Dad. Elsa? Elsa? - My room! - Mine, too. - What were they looking for? - This. The Grail diary. You had it? - You didn't trust me. - I didn't know you. At least I let you tag along. Yes, give them a flower and they'll follow you anywhere. - Knock it off. You're not mad. - No? No. You like the way I do things. Lucky I don't do things the same way or you'd still be standing at the pier! What's going on? I've nearly been incinerated, drowned and chopped into fish bait. We're caught in something sinister here, and Dad found out. Until I'm sure, I'll do things the way I think they should be done. How dare you kiss me! Leave me alone. I don't like fast women. And I hate arrogant men. I love Venice... - What do you know about this place? - The Brunwalds are art collectors. - What are you going to do? - I don't know. I'll think of something. - Yes? - Not before time. Did you intend to leave us standing on the doorstep? We're drenched. I've gone and caught a sniffle. - Are you expected? - Do not take that tone with me. Tell the Baron that Lord Clarence MacDonald and his assistant are here to view the tapestries. - Tapestries? - The man is dense...! This is a castle, isn't it? There are tapestries? This is a castle. And we have many tapestries. And if you are a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse! How dare he? Nazis. I hate these guys. - I think he's in here. - How do you know? Because it's wired. Indy? Indy! Don't worry, this is kid's play. I'll be right back. Junior? - Yes, sir. - It is you, Junior. Don't call me that, please. - What are you doing here? - I came to get you... Late 14th century, Ming Dynasty. It eaks the heart. And the head! You hit me. I'll never forgive myself. Don't worry, I'm fine. Thank God. It's a fake! You can tell by the cross-section. No! We've got to get out of here. Sorry about your head. I thought you were one of them. Dad, they come in through the doors! Good point. But better safe than sorry. I was wrong this time, but not when I mailed you my diary. You obviously got it. I got it and I used it. We found the entrance to the catacombs. - Through the li ary? - Right. I knew it. And the tomb of Sir Richard? Found it. He was actually there? - You saw him? - What was left of him. And his shield? The inscription on Sir Richard's shield? - Alexandretta. - Alexandretta! Of course! On the pilgrim trail from the Eastern Empire. Junior, you did it! No, Dad, you did. Forty years. - If only I could have been with you. - There were rats, Dad. - Rats? - Yeah. Big ones. - What do the Nazis want with you? - They wanted my diary. I had to get that book as far away from me as I could. Dr Jones. - Yes? - Yes? I will take the book now. - What book? - You have the diary in your pocket. You dolt! You think my son would be that stupid, inging my diary back here? You didn't, did you? You didn't ing it, did you? - You did! - Can we discuss this later? - I mailed it to the Marx Brothers! - Take it easy! Take it easy? I sent it home so it wouldn't fall into their hands! - I came here to save you! - Oh, yeah? - Who's going to save you, Junior? - I told you... ...don't call me Junior. Look what you did! I can't believe what you... Elsa? That's far enough. Put down the gun or the Fräulein dies. She's one of them. She's a Nazi. - What? - Trust me. - I will kill her. - Go ahead. - Don't shoot! - Don't worry, he won't. - Indy, please, do what he says! - Don't listen to her. Enough. She dies! Wait! I'm sorry. No. Don't be. But you should have listened to your father. She ransacked her own room, and I fell for it. How did you know she was a Nazi? How did you know she was a Nazi? She talks in her sleep. I didn't trust her. Why did you? Because he didn't take my advice. Donovan. Didn't I warn you not to trust anybody, Dr Jones? I misjudged you, Walter. I knew you'd sell your mother, but not your country and your soul to the slime of humanity. Dr Schneider, there are pages torn out of this. This book contained a map, a map with no names. Directions from the unknown city to the secret canyon. - So it did. - Where are these missing pages? You're wasting your eath. He won't tell us. He doesn't have to. It's obvious where the pages are. He's given them to Marcus Brody. Marcus? You dragged him along? He's not up to the challenge. He sticks out. We'll find him. The hell you will. He's got a two-day head start on you. Brody's got friends all over, he speaks a dozen languages, he'll blend in, disappear. You'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the Grail already. Does anyone speak English? Ancient Greek? Water? No, fish make love in it. Thank you so much. No, I really don't want... Thank you. No, I'm a vegetarian. Does anyone understand a word I'm saying? - Mr Brody! - What a relief. Marcus Brody, sir! - Where's Indy? - In Austria. A slight detour. - You're alone? - Yes, but everything's under control. - You've arranged supplies? - Yes. But where are we going? This map will show you. It was drawn by... Mr Brody. Welcome to Iskenderun. The museum director has sent a car for you. - Well... Your servant, sir. - And I am his. Follow me, please. - My reputation precedes me. - There is no museum. - Papers, please! - Papers? Of course. - Run. - Yes. Papers? Got it here. Just finished reading it. - Run. - Yes. - Egyptian Mail, morning edition. Run! - Did you say...? Run! Up here, up here, quick! Find the back door! Intolerable. Dr Schneider, you must return to Berlin at once. A rally at the Institute of Aryan Culture. Your presence is requested at the highest level. Thank you. I'll meet you at Iskenderun. Take this diary to the Reichsmuseum and show them our progress. Without the map, it's useless. - Let me kill them now. - No. If we don't find the pages, we'll need them alive. Always do what the doctor orders. Don't look at me like that. We both wanted the Grail. I would have done anything to get it. You would have, too. I'm sorry you think so. I can't forget how wonderful it was. Thank you. It was rather wonderful. Dr Schneider. Your car is waiting. That's how Austrians say goodbye. And this is how we say goodbye in Germany, Dr Jones. - I like the Austrian way better. - So did I. Get the ropes loose. We gotta get to Marcus before the Nazis. You said he had two days' start, that he'd blend in. Are you kidding? I made that up. He got lost once in his own museum! Can you reach my left jacket pocket? - What am I looking for? - My lucky charm. Feels like a cigarette lighter. Burn through the ropes. Very good. - I ought to tell you something. - Don't get sentimental now. The floor's on fire. See? - And the chair. - Move! Move! - Approaching the table. - Move! We have Marcus Brody. And more important, we have the map! By command of the Führer. Secrecy essential to success. Eliminate the American conspirators. Germany has declared war on the Jones boys! - Dad? - What? - Dad? - What? Head for the fireplace! I think I can get these ropes off. Whoops! - Our situation has not improved. - Listen, I'm almost free. This is intolerable! - I'm out, Dad. - Well done, boy! Come on, Dad. Dead end. There's got to be a secret door or... a passageway. I find that if I just sit down and think... ...the solution presents itself. Great! More boats! This has been just another typical day for you, eh? No! It's been better than most. Come on, Dad! What? We're not going on the boat? Stop! Stop! You're going the wrong way. We have to get to Berlin. - Brody's this way. - My diary's in Berlin. We don't need the diary, Marcus has the map. There is more in the diary than just the map. All right, Dad. Tell me. Well, he who finds the Grail must face the final challenge. - What final challenge? - Three devices of lethal cunning. - Booby traps? - Oh, yes! But I found the clues to safely take us through in the Chronicles of St Anselm! Well, what are they? Can't you remember? I wrote them in my diary so I wouldn't have to remember! Half the German army's after us and you want to go to Berlin?! Yes. All that matters is the Grail. - What about Marcus? - Marcus would agree with me. Two selfless martyrs. Jesus Christ! That's for blasphemy. The quest for the Grail is not archaeology. It's a race against evil. If it is captured by the Nazis, the armies of darkness will march all over the earth. Do you understand me? This is an obsession, Dad. I never understood it. Never. And neither did Mom. Oh, yes, she did. Only too well... ...unfortunately. She kept her illness from me. All I could do was mourn her. My boy, we're pilgrims in an unholy land. Fräulein Doctor. Where is it? - How did you get here? - Where is it? I want it. - You came back for the book? Why? - My father didn't want it incinerated. Is that what you think of me? I believe in the Grail, not the swastika. You count as the enemy of the Grail. Who cares what you think? You do! All I have to do is squeeze. All I have to do is scream. Got it. Let's get the hell outta here. - What did you get? - First available flight out of Germany. Well, we made it. When we're airborne, with Germany behind us, then I'll share that sentiment. Relax. Tickets, please. Tickets, please. No ticket! - Ticket! - Ticket! You know, sharing your adventures is an interesting experience. It's not all we shared. It's disgraceful. You're old enough to be her... grandfather! - I'm as human as the next man. - I was the next man. Of course... Ships that pass in the night. Remember the last time we had a quiet drink? I had a milkshake. What did we talk about? We didn't talk. We never talked. Do I detect a rebuke? A regret. It was just the two of us, it was a Ionely way to grow up. If you'd been an ordinary father, you'd have understood that. - Actually, I was a wonderful father. - When? Did I ever tell you to eat up, go to bed, do your homework? No. I respected your privacy, and I taught you self-reliance! You taught me I was less important than people who'd been dead for 500 years! I learned it so well, we've hardly spoken for 20 years! You left just when you were becoming interesting! - Dad, how can...? - Very well. I'm here now. What do you want to talk about? - I can't think of anything. - Then why are you complaining? We have work to do. When we get to Alexandretta, we will face three challenges. The Breath of God. Only the penitent man will pass. The Word of God. Only in the footsteps of God will he proceed. The Path of God. Only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth. What does that mean? I don't know. We'll find out! We're turning around. They're taking us back to Germany. I thought it'd take them longer to figure out the radio was dead. Move! Come on, Dad! Come on! - I didn't know you could fly a plane. - Fly, yes... ...land, no. You're gonna have to use the machine gun. Get it ready! Eleven o'clock! Dad, eleven o'clock! What happens at eleven o'clock? Twelve, eleven, ten... Eleven o'clock, fire! Dad, are we hit? More or less. Son, I'm sorry. They got us. Hang on, Dad, we're going in! - Nice landing. - Thanks. - Those people are trying to kill us. - I know, Dad! - It's a new experience for me. - It happens to me all the time. This is intolerable! This could be close. Faster, boy, faster! They don't come any closer than that! Dad! He's coming back. I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne. Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky. These pages are taken from Professor Jones' diary, and they include a map pinpointing the location of the Grail. The Grail is all but in our hands. However, we would not cross your soil without permission, nor remove the Grail from your borders without compensation. What have you ought? Precious valuables, your Highness, donated by some of the finest families in all of Germany... Rolls-Royce Phantom ll... 4.3- Litre, 30-horsepower, 6-cylinder engine, with Stromberg down-draught carburettor. Can go from 0-100 kph in 12.5 seconds. And I even like the colour. The keys are in the ignition, your Highness. You shall have camels, horses, an armed escort, provisions, desert vehicles and tanks. You're welcome. No time to lose. Indiana Jones and his father have escaped. We go this way. Get that camel out of the way. What happened to Marcus? They set out across the desert this afternoon. They took him with them. Now they have the map! In this race, there's no silver medal for finishing second. - Care to wet your whistle, Marcus? - I'd rather spit in your face. But as I haven't got any spit... Must be within three or four miles. Otherwise we're off the map. Marcus, we're on the ink of the recovery of the greatest artefact in the history of mankind. You're meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend. I see Brody. He seems OK. They've got a tank. A six-pound gun. - What are you doing? Get down! - Dad, we're well out of range. - That car was my other-in-law's. - Come on! - I can't see anyone up there. - Maybe it wasn't Jones. No. It was him, all right. He's here somewhere. Put Brody in the tank. In this sun, without transportation, they're as good as dead. It's Jones, all right. Who are they? Who cares, as long as they keep Donovan busy? Dad, stay here while we organise some transportation. - I'll get the horses. - I'll take the camels. I don't need camels. No camels! Who is he? A messenger from God. For the unrighteous, the Cup of Life holds everlasting damnation. Marcus. That genius of the Restoration... ...aid our own resuscitation. - Henry! What are you doing here? - It's a rescue. Search him. What is this book, that miserable little diary of yours? The book is useless, yet you come back to Berlin to get it. Why? What are you hiding? What does the diary tell you that it doesn't tell us? It tells me that goose-stepping morons like yourself should try reading books instead of burning them! Colonel! Jones is getting away! I think not, Herr Donovan. Not that Jones, the other Jones! Sallah, I said no camels, that's five camels! Can't you count? Compensation for the car. Your father and Brody... - Where's my father? - In the belly of that steel beast. Dad! Dad! Dad! Junior! Junior! Junior! Dad! Dad! Get out! - Henry, the pen. - What? The pen is mightier than the sword. - Look what you did! - It's war! Didn't I tell you it was a rescue? Dad! - You call this archaeology? - Get out of there! How does one get off this thing? Where's Marcus? Hang on, Dad! - Father of Indy, give me your hand! - Sallah, get Dad! Give me your hand! Junior! Indy! Oh, God. I've lost him. And I never told him anything. I just wasn't ready, Marcus. Five minutes would have been enough. I thought I'd lost you, boy! I thought you had, too, sir. Well... Well done. Come on. Let's go, then! Why are you sitting there resting when we're so near the end? Let's go! The Canyon of the Crescent Moon. Helmut, another volunteer! - I never expected to see you again. - Like a bad penny, I always turn up. Step back now, Dr Schneider. Give Dr Jones some room. He's going to recover the Grail for us. Impossible? What do you say? Ready to go down in history? As what? A Nazi stooge, like you? The Nazis? Is that the limit of your vision? The Nazis want to write themselves into the Grail legend, take on the world. They're welcome. But I want the Grail itself. The cup that gives everlasting life. Hitler can have the world, but he can't take it with him. I'll be drinking my own health when he's gone the way of the dodo. The Grail is mine. And you're going to get it for me. Shooting me won't get you anywhere. You know something? You're absolutely right. Dad! - Dad! - Junior. - No. - Get back! You can't save him when you're dead. The Grail is all that can save him. It's time to ask yourself what you believe. The Breath of God. Only the penitent man will pass. The penitent man will pass. Penitent man will pass. Penitent man... Only the penitent man will pass. Only the penitent man will pass. The penitent man will pass. Penitent? Penitent man? Penitent man... penitent... The penitent man is humble before God. Penitent... penitent... Penitent man...? The penitent man is humble... ...kneels before God. Kneel! I'm through! We're through. - He's all right! - No... The second challenge is the Word of God. Only in the footsteps of God will he proceed. The Word of God? Word of...? Proceed in the footsteps of the Word... - The Word of God! - No, Henry, try not to talk. The name of God. The name of God. Jehovah. But in the Latin alphabet, Jehovah begins with an l. J... Oh, dear. Idiot! In Latin, Jehovah starts with an l. I... E... H... O... V... A. The Path of God. Only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth. Impossible. Nobody can jump this. Indy! You must hurry! Come quickly! It's a leap of faith. You must believe, boy! You must... believe. I knew you'd come. - But my strength has left me. - Who are you? The last of three others who swore an oath to find the Grail and to guard it. - That was seven hundred years ago. - A long time to wait. You're strangely dressed for a knight. I'm not exactly... a knight. What do you mean? I was chosen because I was the avest and most worthy. The honour was mine until another came to challenge me to single combat. I pass it to you... ...who vanquished me. I don't have time to explain, but... - Which one is it? - You must choose. But choose wisely. For as the true Grail will ing you life, the false Grail will take it from you. I'm not a historian. I have no idea what it looks like. Which one is it? Let me choose. Thank you, Doctor. Oh, yes. It's more beautiful than I ever imagined. This certainly is the Cup of the King of Kings. Eternal life. What is happening to me? What is happening? He chose... ...poorly. - It would not be made out of gold. - That's the cup of a carpenter. There's only one way to find out. You have chosen wisely. But the Grail cannot pass beyond the Great Seal. That is the boundary and the price of immortality. Drop your guns... please! Dad, get to your feet. We have got it. Come on! Elsa, don't move! - It's ours, Indy. Yours and mine. - Don't cross the seal. The knight warned us not to take the Grail from here. Junior! Junior! Elsa... Don't, Elsa. Give me your other hand. I can't hold you. I can reach it. I can reach it. Give me your other hand! Elsa! Junior, give me your other hand. I can't hold on. I can get it. I can almost reach it, Dad. Indiana? Indiana... Let it go. Dad. Please, Dad. Elsa never really believed in the Grail. She thought she'd found a prize. What did you find, Dad? Me? Illumination. - And what did you find, Junior? - Junior? Dad... What does it mean, this Junior? That's his name: Henry Jones Junior. - I like Indiana. - We named the dog Indiana! May we go home now, please? The dog? You are named after the dog? I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog. - Ready? - Ready. Indy, Henry, follow me! I know the way! Got lost in his own museum, huh? After you, Junior. Yes, sir.

Sam. How much time did you spend at the dresser compared to last week? -Less. -How much less? I don't know exactly. You wanna make a guess, roughly, for the week? Oh, not even an hour a day. And... ...how long has it been now, since your loss? You're hoping I guess again, aren't you? How long? Fourteen months, six days. I can tell you what time it was, down to the hour and minute if you want. I can't help it. It's all right. It's just a memory doing its job. -Hello? -Hey, what are you doing? I'm just running out the door. I'm late for my appointment with Munce. Listen, I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner tonight. I don't know. I think l'd rather stay home. I'm sorry. All right, well, that's fine. I'll cook something fancy. No, no, no. It's too much for you. No, I want to. Jim, I want to, okay? -Hey, Eliot. -I miss you, sweetie. -Where have you been? -I know. I haven't called. Don't be silly. I didn't mean it like that. We haven't hung out in a while. -Give me a call, we'll do something. -I'd love to. Bye. You need some help? I parked my car here. Right here, last night. What kind of car is it? Red Volvo. Thanks. I forget all the time. Jim says I have a death grip on the past. How are you getting along? Did you fight at all this week? Jim doesn't fight. He negotiates. Are you comfortable physically? How's the sex? How would you feel if I asked you that question? How's the sex with Mrs. Munce? Would you answer? Yes, but I'd have to charge you more. -What's wrong? -l-- I had my coffee. No, not today. No, I just had some. I offered, but you said no this time. Last time, you had a cup. Memory slips. I didn't forget. I can still taste the coffee. You.... You smell my coffee, and you manufacture a memory, a taste. That's all. You do hang on hard. Sometimes the mind... ...needs help in letting a thing go. You expect me to let go of my son? You think you amplify some of these memories of Sam? Add to them? No. Why would l? Hey. What's the occasion? You going back to work. -I think it's great. -It's just a freelance edit job. -Not even sure I wanna do it. -I think you should do it. It could be great for you. What's the book? Psychotic Women and the Men Who Love Them. No, I'm kidding. It's a children's book. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. Let me get the nice glasses your mother gave us. Okay? -Speaking of psychotics. -Yeah. What kind of a kids' book is it? What have you done, Jim? -What? -What have you done? -Telly. -Why'd you change the picture? -I didn't change anything. -Think this helps? Taking him away? -Calm down. -I want the picture of the three of us. What did you think, that l wouldn't notice? I wouldn't care? I come here hoping to meet other swingers. You're the first one. We know each other. I'm Telly. Remember? Telly Paretta. Sam's mom? We're all tired of condolences, but I miss Lauren too. Well, I'm.... I'm done for the night, so I gotta go. You don't remember me. -Sure. You want my swing? -No. Do you want to come home with me? -Just live over there. -Good night, Ash. You do know me. That's why you won't come home with me. Jim. Please don't ask me to let go. Jim. Mom, look. Hurry up, Mom. -There's your plane. -Yeah, I know. Sam. Jim Paretta, please. Yeah, I'll take the voice mail. I can't-- I can't believe what you did with the book and.... And I was so good... ...with the photos and the lock. You still.... Do you want to make me hate you? Do you want to make me hate you? Please, oh, please. Please. Please. Telly? Telly. I can't... ...be with you anymore. I don't wanna see you anymore. -Telly, wait. -The book.... The book, I can lose, but-- You erased our son. You erased my boy. You made it all blank. -You took him away. -Stop. They were always blank. -What? What are you saying? -You're healing. You're coming back. -Dr. Munce is coming. -Let me go! Let me go! This is good. God, Telly, this is real. The tapes were always blank. Do you know what he's telling me? Yes. Is he psychotic? No. My child. My Sam. Telly. There was never a Sam Paretta. You never had a son. -This is insane. -I'm so sorry. I wanted to help you slowly. -Gently. But I never thought you-- -He erased the tapes. He replaced the book. How can you believe him? Sam, he grew up. He was 9. Nine. I had nine years of memories. Invented memories, Telly. It happens. People do this. It's called paramnesia. -You imagined a life-- -Everyone remembers Sam. -Everyone. -Telly. You had a miscarriage. Your life was in danger. The baby was premature. -lt was stillborn. You almost died. -Stop it. Post-traumatic shock. It affects everyone differently. Some people actually invent entire alternate lives... ...with imagined friends and lovers and children. Stop. Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to take him away? I made him up? I made him up? This is so simple. There are photographs. People with your condition look at a photo and see... ...what their mind tells them to see. You used to see Sam. -No. Sam took that picture. -You're recovering. There was a woman. We asked her to take a picture... ...and that's the one that Jim took away. We have a million photographs. No. No, he took the real book away! Telly. Telly, I was hoping we could do this without hospitalizing you. All right, all right. No, there-- There.... There are.... There are photos that he didn't take. I'll show you. And we'll end this. We'll end this. Telly. Let's just sit down. Telly. Telly! Telly! Where are you going? Where are you--? Telly! I need to see some newspapers. Daily papers from 1 4 months ago. You need to fill this out. What papers do you need? How could--? How could it not be in any of these? You sure of the date? What are you trying to find? Six Brooklyn Children Feared Dead in Missing Plane. How could it not--? I have to go. I have to go. -Eliot. -Christ. Telly. What are you doing in the dark? What's wrong? I had a fight with Jim. Oh, I'm sorry. Come inside. We fought about Sam. I'm sorry, about what? Sam. Sam. Who's Sam, sweetie? Eliot, he's my son. Your son? El, please. You knew my son. You babysat him a thousand times. -I don't know what you're trying to say. -You knew my son. You talked to him, you took him to a Mets game... ...you bought him a hat. He always wore that hat. You're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong. Telly? Telly! Telly! Who the hell is it? It's Telly Paretta. Ash, please. Are you gonna go away? No. Remember me? Yeah. Who am l? You're in worse shape than I am. What the hell are you doing? I was here once before, with my son. -Do you remember? -You an old fan, is that it? Oh, yeah. That's-- That's right. You-- You were a hockey player. Ex-Ranger. Lauren was very proud of that. -Well, tell Lauren I appreciate it. -I don't follow hockey. My son, Sam, was a baseball fan. Oh, baseball. It's a great game. The only sport you can play while taking a nap. -You drinking? -No, I just wanted to talk to you. About what? -Your daughter. -I don't have a daughter. Do you get drunk every night? No. Sometimes I'm drunk by noon. -What do you want? -I had a son. My son and your daughter were friends... ...and I'd come here sometimes to drop Sam off or pick Lauren up. Can we talk about this after? After what? After I sleep. Somebody else has a daughter, you know. Somebody else knows your son. It's not me. That's nice. Did we get married? It's not me. It's you. It's Jim. I don't know who else or what else. I don't know anything. I don't know why it's not in the papers. I don't know anything. But it's not me. I'm not insane. Go look in your office. It used to be your daughter's room. You let her draw on it. These are her drawings. -What did you do? -She was showing Sam her room. I was there. Her bed was here. Her desk was here, with pictures from magazines, collaged. -You're out of your mind. -This was her room. Somebody lived here before me. They papered over their kid's room. -I'm calling the cops. -We were there, at the awful funerals. -You and me and your ex-wife. -Get out! You seemed much more upset than your wife. She was like my husband, she held it in. -But you and l-- -Listen, listen, listen! We have never met at a funeral. I do not know you. Lauren and Sam were friends. We put them on a plane together... ...to go to camp, and we lost them. They died over a year ago. -Come on. -You weren't drinking then. -How do you know that? -I met you. You weren't like this. It was about 1 4 months ago you started drinking, wasn't it? Wasn't it? That's when Lauren died. -I never had a kid. -You remembered her before this. Everybody remembered our children. Something happened... ...in the last weeks or days, I don't know, but our children have been forgotten. -That's it. Let's go. Come on! -No, no! Say her name, and I'll go! I say his name every day! Just say it. So you can hear it. Lauren. Say it. Lauren. Now look around again. She was here. She lived here. -I need a minute. -Tell me if-- I need a minute. -Do you want some coffee? -No, thanks. I know this is difficult. How much do you remember? I-- I called the police. Look, you need some help. I never had a kid. You gotta get some help. I'm-- I'm real sorry. Yeah. One second, okay? It's the best thing. They say I dreamed it all. Do you think I dreamed it? We have to go. Hi. Carl Dayton, National Security Agency. Telly Paretta? We're taking custody. -Can I see some lD? -Check with Captain Mills. He'll verify. Hi, Dad. Sorry, Dad. Which one do you think I should wear, Daddy? Wait! Wait! -Where is she? -The feds have her. Stop. -You gotta let her go. -Mr. Correll, step back. You don't understand. Telly. Get off-- -I remember. I remember. -Get off. I remember. -Get him off the car! -I remember. Get off me. She's right! -Grab his hands! -Run! Run! Run! -T-E-L-L...? -Y. Telly. They told me there was a complaint against her. She trashed an apartment and wouldn't leave. -Who? Whose apartment? -Mr. Ashley Correll. Do you know him? -No. -Ex-New York Ranger. -Pretty good. -What does he have to do--? She was claiming her son was missing and dead. We never had a son. Why would she say that? My wife is delusional. She needs help. Where is she? She was turned over to federal agents. And she fled custody. Now, Mr. Paretta... ...why would the NSA be interested in your wife? You're asking me? This is crazy. They don't care about anybody's apartment. -And they don't trace missing children. -There was never a child. Do what they say, all right? Okay. I love you. I'm gonna miss you so much. -Bye. -Bye-bye. Have fun. I love you, Mommy. -Sam. -Yeah? -See you. -See you. I was hoping you'd come here. Me too. I don't understand it. I keep thinking I'm crazy, you know? How could I forget her? My little girl. How--? I can't do this. You have to. Because I can't do this alone. Come on, we shouldn't hang around here. First, I thought it had to do with the plane crash. Remember when that flight crashed over Long lsland... ...and everybody thought it was friendly fire... ...some government cover-up? -Yeah, I remember that. -But then I thought... ...how could the government erase our memories? It's just not possible. It's so-- -What? -Please don't think... -...I'm out of my mind. -I don't anymore. Do you ever feel like somebody--? Something's watching you? Like surveillance? No, I mean that sometimes people are... ...taken. We hear that. -What are you talking about? -Abduction. You're freaking me out. I'm having a National Enquirer moment. No, listen to me. What do we know? I had a son, you had a daughter, they had lives... ...they died, and everyone besides us believes they never existed. What could do something like that? No. There's gotta be another explanation. Who could erase our kids? Every-- Every picture of them gone. Every newspaper article gone. Every memory gone. No agents. No government. Who could do that? I don't know. We need to find a hotel. You got any cash? No, not much. I have some credit cards. Forget it. Clerk runs your card, and they got us. Don't you watch TV? I read. Goddamn snob. No. Goddamn editor. Why are you so pissed at me? -You okay? -Yeah. My door. -NSA! We need to talk to you! -Just stay by the car! Stay by the car! This way! -Where did they go? -ln here! In here! Get down. Goddamn it, we've lost them. All right, search the fields. We'll check the streets. All right. Come on. I got left side. -Petalis, come in. -Go for Petalis. What do you see? Nothing there? -Yeah, the field's clear. -Okay, hook up with us. Okay. I'm coming back to you. What's your 20? -Hello? -Dr. Munce, it's Telly. Telly. Where are you? Are you all right? No. I mean, I'm not hurt, but there are people after us. What? What do you mean? I found someone else. His daughter was on the same flight. He didn't remember her. But now he does. How do you explain that? How do you explain the people chasing us? Telly, this is a panic attack. You just hold on, all right? Now, tell me where you are, I'll leave right away. You need help. No, I need you to start believing me. Found an all-night place. Didn't have much. You should eat something. Just deciding whether I want too much salt or too much sugar. Sugar. Wish you wouldn't do that. Don't worry about it. Think I'm just gonna go to bed. -You held out. -What? You held out and I didn't. I forgot her. -How'd you do that? -I don't know. What's so important about us? Or our kids? I mean, the kids are dead. Why try to erase our memories? It's not like we're gonna go look for them. Sam. Ash. Ash. Wake up. Come on. Come on, wake up. Wake up. Wake up, wake up. Come on. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up! Ash. Ash. Wake up. -Listen to me. -What the hell are you doing? -You nutjob! -Listen to me. You didn't know it, but you were right. If the children were dead, they would leave it. If we all thought they were dead, why would they erase them? Why would they need to make us forget them? I think the children are alive. That's why I can still feel him, why I can't let go. The children are alive. Don't you feel that Lauren's alive out there? I don't know, maybe. Yes. Jim usually leaves the office by 1 2:1 5. We need to get Jim alone. -What's he like? -We had our problems. He loved Sam. Make him say Sam's name. Like you made me say Lauren. -Watch out! -Get out of the way! Behind you! Get out of the way! Oh, my God! -ls he--? Did we--? -I don't know. I've seen him before. Don't answer it. -Hello? -Hello, is this Telly Paretta? -Who is this? -Telly, this is Detective Anne Pope. We didn't mean to hurt anybody. The man in front of our car wouldn't get out of the way. -What? -We're just trying to find our children. -Hang up. -Yes, I know. -You know? -I know about your case. Hang up. Is that Ashley Correll? They took our kids. They made us think they died in a plane crash. Anne. Look, I know this doesn't make any sense... ...but my son, Sam Paretta, and Ash's daughter, Lauren Correll... ...they were on the same plane. Now, how could two people... ...remember two different children if they never existed? Jim. Hi. I.... I'm sorry, do I know you? What's the matter? It's me. I'm lost. Can you help me out here? Oh, God, what did they do to you? It's me. It's Telly. I'm sorry. We know each other? I know your wife. Right. Got it. Not married. Wrong Jim. James William Paretta. Who are you? Do you know a Sam Paretta? -No relation. -Maybe it would help... ...if you said the name. Sam. You lost me. What about Jim? It's them. We gotta get out of here. Out of the city, at least for tonight. I know someplace far enough. -Telly. -He didn't even know me. He forgot me. Swear to God. They hit the guy, he crashes into the pump. Look. Swear to God. They hit the guy, he crashes into the pump. Look. Look at that. Then he gets right up. I didn't just see it, I heard it. Bang. This guy bounces off the gas pump, gets right up. There's no blood. There's gotta be. -Feds wanna talk to you. -What? Detective Pope. Okay, wait right here, all right? I'm Carl Dayton, NSA. -So you're here to rent a car? -Pardon? What are you doing in my crime scene, Carl? What's so national security about this? -I'm not at liberty to say. -Liberty to say. You guys need new material. We've been on this case. So any new information that you get on Paretta or Correll... ...you give me a call any time, day or night. You like this part, don't you? The part where you get to take away my case. I'd rather be sailing. I'm conducting an investigation here. And until I know differently, Paretta and Correll... ...have been eaking only the laws of New York. I am the city of New York, and I'm on it. Your involvement wouldn't have to do with the plane crash... -...they claim killed their two children? -Children? There are no children. But there was a plane crash. No. We know nothing about a plane crash. You don't know very much. National security, huh? Better buy better locks. Put your eyes back in your head, warden. I'm not looking at you. I had a wife. Could feel a woman's eyes judging me if I was in a coma. Ash, please don't drink. See, I told you you were watching me. You know what? -I wish I didn't have to. -Then don't. I'm sick of hearing it. Sorry to interrupt your feeling sorry for yourself. Well, not all of us can be heroes, lady. You think I wouldn't drink that entire bottle for a few seconds of peace? You're in this. You don't get to drink your way out. What makes you so fucking special? I let her go. My little girl. They took her away from me, but I let her go. What kind of father does that? I need you to stay clear. -I'm not doing this for you, you know. -I know. I'll never forget her again. I know you won't. You know everything, right? I don't know how to get my son back. We'll figure something out. -And? -Dayton? He is NSA, but it's tagged. He's got special clearance. Some unit within the NSA. -These people are down deep. -Doing what? I'd say God only knows, but I don't think he's in the loop. I gotta pick up my sister's kid. Get some sleep. Good night. I need you to get that on my desk-- -Excuse me, Lieutenant Pope? -No, I'm gone, in my car. -I'm almost home. -I'm Dr. Jack Munce. Telly Paretta's my patient. I'd like to help. Telly's contacted me. What can you tell me about Telly that might help me find her? I used to think that she was purely delusional. I'm not sure anymore. So how is it that she and Mr. Correll are having the same delusion... ...making up imaginary children from the same plane crash? Well, I don't-- I don't know Correll. He could be saying anything to be with her. Well, if she calls again, call me. I think it's important that I'm there when you find her. You'll be dealing with a possible psychotic eak. You don't wanna do more damage. -I'll call you, Dr. Munce. -No, that's not what I mean. It's.... It's my fault she's out there. Why? She was in my care. She still trusts me, or she wouldn't have called. She'll call again, and when she does, you'll know because I'll be with you. You're gonna need me to find her. Oh, shit. A. Petalis. What's the A stand for? What? -You don't have to do that. -This? Just stop it! Al. Al Petalis. You don't want this kind of trouble, so just drop it right now. Right now! Tell him to stop, Miss Paretta, before this goes any further. Tell him! We just want our children. There are no children. Forget the children. What did you say? Did you say to forget the children? -Who are you? -Where are the children? Why were they taken? Why were the children taken? If I swing this thing again, I'm gonna eak your kneecap. I swear it. Where are the children? No! No, l-- It's not me, it's.... It's not us. We.... We.... We cooperate. Cooperate with who? With who? Why do you cooperate with them? -Survival. -Who, yours? Yours too. You were right. Where are they from? Who are they? Why do they want the children? Tell us the truth. The truth. The goddamn truth won't fit in your ain. It won't fit in anybody's ain. Just tell us how to get the children back. I don't know. I don't know anything about that. All I know is that you were supposed to forget like everybody else did. This was not part of it. Part of what? Part of what? Part of... ...this particular experiment. -Go on. -I can't. -Yes, you can! -No, I won't. -Yes, you can! Yes, you--! -No! No! Do you have children? Please. Please tell me. No one will know that you told us. Just-- Just tell us... ...how to get the children back. No one will blame you. I swear to you. I swear to you. They're listening. You okay? -Why didn't they take us? -I don't know. Our best guess is a gas leak. But nothing's burned. There's no sign of fire. There's no sign of blood. Just this. Anne Pope, our children are alive. We believe they were abducted. We know we couldn't sound crazier if we tried. Please help us. Abducted. That's an interesting word. Most people say kidnapped. -Troopers found this. -Excuse us, Dr. Munce. Witnesses only saw Paretta and Correll... ...running from the cabin after the explosion. And there's no sign of another body inside. Where did this come from? Brasher, how old's Cassidy? She's 7, why? What if I told you your daughter never existed? That you made her up? Why would you do that? Yeah. Why? QuestAir. The name of the airline, the small airline. It was QuestAir. Remember? QuestAir. So.... So we're saying that it never crashed at sea. We're saying that they somehow took the kids... ...and that the-- The plane and the pilot... ...that all of it, all of it is part of them. QuestAir. Oh, my God. Who are you? What are you doing here? Sorry, we didn't think there'd be anyone here. I'm Claire. I'm Mr. Shineer's assistant. And you are? Eileen, the accountant the court appointed for the bankruptcy. -Oh, of course. I'm so sorry. -That's all right. I was told that QuestAir employees are not allowed here. That's okay. Mr. Shineer needs some items from his office. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Nothing is allowed to leave. They're just personal letters. Yes, well, if anything turns up, I'd be happy to have them... ...sent to Mr. Shineer's home. Gonna have to go by court procedure. That's fine. The West Side address isn't good anymore, though, the co-op. Which one do you have? Where would I have that? Let's see what I've got here. Okay, Robert Shineer. I've got the one on Long lsland. 1 65 Colony Way. Nobody lives here. Yeah, that's strange. They didn't move out, they just left. -Go ahead, you should sleep. -What about you? I'm finally awake. -Hey, get in. -Where are we going? They've been lD'd. They scammed an accountant for an address. Long lsland. Ash. -Shineer. -Ash? Telly. -Look. It's the guy from the car rental. -I know. We have to get to the airport, the one the kids left from. They're in the house with us. Come on, let's go. It's jammed. -Meet me at my apartment. -What are you doing? One of us has gotta get out of here. Go. Go on. Go! Stay here. Stay inside. Freeze. Right there. Hands on your head. I want you on your knees. Now. I will shoot. Now. Halt! Halt! -Are you Munce? -Yes, what happened in there? -Where's Telly? -Telly left. We gotta get out of here. -What about Pope? -You wanna help Telly? Drive. Drive! Come on. Telly! Telly, wait. Telly, I'm Anne. Anne Pope. No, wait. Please listen. I know. I know. I believe you, Telly. I believe you about everything. I've seen it. It's not human. Jesus Christ. -And the children? -Yes, everything. We'll find them. I promise you that. Do you hear me? We will find them. We will find your son-- Telly? Ash? Ash. They took Anne Pope right in front of me. Munce is downstairs. -He'll take us to that airport. -Beautiful view. What have you done with our kids? Ash. -No, Telly. Stay back! -Ash. No! Ash! No! Ash! Telly. Come with me. -We have to go to the police. -No, we have to go to the airport. Please, Telly. We need help. Get out. No, I'll take you. He's one of them. You have my son. Where is he? You know this is getting out of control. It's finished now, end it. Make it right. Where is my son? It's not over. You're one of those agents. No, I'm just... ...one of the few who knows. So you help them? They don't need help. They run their experiments with or without our help. They've been doing it for years. Maybe forever. And you just let them do whatever they want. Let them? I don't have a choice. We just try to minimize the damage. I just want my son. Telly, you'll never get Sam back. You've held on, and they don't know why. You're just a lab rat to them. I don't believe that. He said it's not over. I can still get him back. You know them. Help me. If you go any further, I can't help you. I'm sorry. Is my son in here? You never doubted. Not for a second, did you? He's here. He's now just a memory, Telly. Can you picture him here? Now? Sam! Honey! Wait! Sam! Sam! What have you done with him? Why did you take him? What do you want? It's an experiment. He's just a little boy. What could you possibly learn from him? Nothing. This wasn't about Sam. This wasn't about the children. It was never about the children. We were the experiment. Your connection, mother to child. Like an invisible tissue. We can even measure its energy. But we don't fully understand it, so I posed the question: Can it be dissolved? And it can. Except for you. Give me back my son... ...and I'll do whatever you want. What I want, Telly, is for you to forget your son. -To forget Sam. -No. If you don't, this experiment will fail. I'm accountable. I can't let that happen. And time is running out. I won't help you. There are worse things than forgetting. No, there aren't. You need to forget. You're different from the others. Why? It's better this way. You won't be haunted by his memory. You could have a life again. Now, I want you to go back to that first day in the hospital. To the first time you ever saw Sam. I need that first memory. Give me that first memory. That boy. What was his name? What boy? I had life inside of me. I had life. I have a child. I have a son. I... ...have a son. His name is Sam, you son of a bitch. I need more time. Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam Paretta, do you know him? Sam! Hey, Mom. It's not time to go yet, is it? Mom, I can't eathe. I'm sorry. I just.... -I just wanted you to button up. -Can I play till 5:30? -Yeah. -Okay. -Yeah, 5:30's okay. -Okay. Thanks. See you. See you. Hi, Lauren. Hi. Hi. I guess they.... -They don't want parents around. -No. You keep watching him. It's hard not to. They're okay. I know. I'm Telly. Sam's mom. I'm Ash. I think we met before.

I hate this place. Water? Water. Water. Water! Now that is sick. - Are you watching this? - No, Thanks. I don't look any more. We've seen a lot of... But this is just... Oh, dear God! Wow... You know you shouldn't be looking at the files. - It's not against the rules. - But it's not encouraged. - Come on man, we've all... - It's not encouraged. Okay. Okay, screw this. - Pawn to King 2. - Knight to Queen's Bishop 6. - Check. - What? I didn't even see that. I was just wondering... When is Chickliss coming back? Some time this week. Probably all suntanned, the prick. Let's see... King to King's Bishop 8. Rook takes Queen. Check. Dammit. Damn! - Sorry. - Shut up I don't need your sympathy. And Owen? - Where is Owen? - You're trying to psych me out or what? I can't hear myself think. Owen is... Owen is probably out sick again. That would be my best guess. You sure? Yes. Yes! Despite your rather transparent tactics, Brainman, prepare to die. Bishop to Queen's Knight 7. Checkski! Queen takes Bishop. I believe that's Checkski-Mateski. What? No way. Ah come on, how did you...? You freak of nature! You know the other night I heard some noise. - Noise? - Yeah. In Owen's room, like a... like a scuffle. - Really? - Yeah. - You don't think that...? - You dreamt it. - No, look... - You dreamt it. You're always complaining about your nightmares. They come for you at night. What? - They come for you at night. - Who does? They do. - Drop it. - They do. Enough! What are you suicidal? Good. They didn't forget lunch this time. Goat cheese salad with ginseng, liver fricasée and mango sorbet. Eeewh. Must be you. Steak frites. That's me. Hey! Wha..? Oh! Sorry. Bless us our Lord for these thy gifts which we're about to receive, from thy bounty through you, Lord. Amen. Amen. Down the hatch. Please record REMsleeper in room 17 24 09. Let's go. Okay. Zooming out of 06, 12, 21. And zooming in to 17, 24, 9. Here we go. Hot-patching gear works and flipping to REM reader mode. Locating subject. Subject located. Zooming in. Wow... Keep your tongue in your mouth, Brainman. We're on the clock. Are we locked? Sorry. Locked on. Thank you. Arm extension, Go. Cali ating... - Steady. - I got it, I got it. Light her up. Interscan is locked. Commencing REM read. Mommy! Mommy Help! Anna! No! No! Anna! Okay. Now let's cycle back. And there you have it. If you do this long enough, you can do it in your sleep. In your sleep... Recording dreams in your sleep. That's funny. When's the last time you remember being outside? Last night. I had a dream of being at the beach. No, I mean really outside, not a dream. I... I don't remember. I've been busy lately. Overloaded, actually. Picking up slack. For you, I might add. I don't remember either. - Isn't that weird? - You're weird. Shut up and let me concentrate. Dammit! - You know, I was just thinking... - Stop thinking. - What's gotten into you? - What's gotten into me? - You know who these are? - They're Chickliss' kids. - Arthur and Sunshine. - Orphans. They're orphans. You told me Chickliss was on vacation. I have to go to the can. Try not to drool on the controls. It screws up the cali ation. Bastards. Where is she? What have you done with her? Where is...? What have you done to me? Why can't I remember? Why can't I remember my daughter's name? Hey! Let me go! - Get off me! - Okay. Okay. Sorry. It's okay. She's one of us. Touch me again, soldier, and you'll be eating your eyeballs. Why soldier? What do you know about me? Tattoo, on you forehead. You're on the squad, right killer? You show up by night and people disappear. - Why did you do that? - Because you're scum. Look miss, you have a certain disadvantage here. None of us remembers how we got here, or pretty much anything else. Including who we are, so whatever you think you know about me, I don't even know myself. I don't trust her. She knows something. Thank God somebody does. Have you seen any children? A little girl? No. My God. I hope they don't put kids in here. - That would be horrible. - What if they drop children in here? I gotta keep moving. Wait! you gotta be careful climbing around here. - Why? - There are traps. Traps? How do you know? Because of this. That's good bandage. Are you a doctor? - I don't know. - I did it. I may be freakin' Mother Teresa for all I know, But I don't remember. You remember something. Before all of this. Not much. Being chased through the woods, by guys like you. The tattoo set me off. When I first woke up, I don't think I would have known my own name if it wasn't stitched on my shirt. I don't even know if this is my name. I feel like we've been here for hours and I still can't remember anything! Give her a moment... Fine. A moment. We gotta get moving while we still have our strength. You guys have a plan? We keep moving in the same direction until we find the edge. This place has got to end eventually. What about the traps? We test the rooms. We have a system. It's safe! I'm going in! Help! Help! What kind of animals would do this?! Does she look familiar to you? I keep thinking I've seen her before... - I wonder what she's in for. - You're making a mistake. Huh? What the first rule I taught you about this job? - Neatness counts? - Very funny. Don't get involved. I know, I'm not getting involved OK? I'm drawing. You have your chess, Owen has his fish, Chickliss... Can we spend 5 minutes without inging up Owen and Chickliss please? And get us back on real-time. You're gonna get us in trouble. I'll show you three ways to beat that game if you answer one question. - Fine. What? - Okay, what I wanna know... Hold it. Show me. Okay. Check Mate. You win. That's illiant. Do that again. - What do you know about a third exit? - What? A third exit. An auxiliary exit that leads directly outside. - There's no such thing. - Owen said there was. - He said Chickliss found more plans... - They were having you on. No way. I think that that's why they're gone. I think they've found something... I think you'd better stop listening to old wives' tales. - Listen to me. - This conversation in over. - Don't you ever worry? - About what? One day, you're gonna wake up inside. The only way I'm gonna wake up inside, is if I keep on talking to you. No. These things are useless! The sensors there must've been different. Maybe they're not motion sensors. Maybe they're triggered by heat, or sound, or something...! Why don't you just admit it? We're dead! He can't admit it. It's the training. - The army never admits defeat. - You got a problem with me lady? - Yeah. - Why? I don't trust you. - Oh, how the hell did we miss this? - What is it? C-I-A. What is that? Clues to who built this place? I think that's just a coincidence. Try the other doors. Y-Y-O. U-D-S. S-A-N. What do they mean? I think it's a mistake to think of these letters as meaning something. It's like some kind of code or puzzle we have to figure out. A puzzle? They're playing with us! - We should make a map. - Using what? - Our blood? - I don't know. Maybe. You got a better idea? I have a better idea. I need something. I need... Your hair pin. They did us the favour of polishing our boots. Okay, We'll find the safe rooms. C-I-A. Give me the others. Y-Y-O, U-D-S And S-A-N. - Good memory. - Yeah, in the short term. Now I wish I could remember what happened to me between birth and about 3 hours ago. Right. I dunno... Shoe polish and a hair pin. Nothing in this place is random. Maybe the bastards just underestimated us. So near and yet so far. Yeah, but she's doing better than most. I mean half of them don't even notice the letters, Let alone map them. I meant the chess. Give it up. She doesn't stand a chance. Of course she has a chance. Yeah? You're gonna ride in on your white horse and whisk her out? The rooms can realign to zero position. No it happens, and then she'll figure out the letters and uhh... sail through. And what's the first thing the program does when the rooms realign to zero position? - Clean sweep. - Exactly. The only thing that's gonna sail through that is their ashes. Cheer up buddy. You'll catch you another one. The boys upstairs like 'em young and pretty. Don't you ever feel guilty? - Don't you ever feel? - Son, you're outta line. - Yeah whatever... - Excuse me? Why don't you stop your doodling and do some work for a change? Like what? We're waiting for orders, it's what we do best. It's what we do. Clean up your space. It's disgraceful. - You're kidding, right? - Do I look like I'm kidding? This one's S-D-F. Wait a minute. - What? - I don't know if this makes any difference, But they're not periods, They're commas. He's right. They're commas. Okay, so they're commas. What difference does it make? We don't even know what the letters mean yet. I mean if they were numbers, I'd understand the commas. Understand the commas how? Well isn't that how you plot coordinates on a graph? X coordinate, comma, Y coordinate, comma, Z coordinate. Right. So if the rooms were labelled with numbers, like 10,1,7, you'd know something about the room's position. Yeah but we've got letters that so far tell us absolutely nothing. That's where you're wrong, soldier. The letters tell us one important fact the number never would. - What fact? - There are only 26 letters in the English alphabet. So? So we know the parameters. Exactly. If each room has its own unique letter combination, Then it's a pretty good bet that this whole place is a cube with 26 rooms on each side. Worst case scenario, we're anywhere from 1 to 25 rooms away from the edge. - Let's go! - Great! Actually, it's your turn to go first. S-O-S. No kidding. Ahh.. Guess we'll try another way. Rains, Rains, Rains, Rains... Cassandra. The little girl's name is Anna. Protests and strikes. Troublemakers up north. The whole country's going to crap. Ungrateful pigs. Oh my God, Oh my God... What is it now? Please tell me that's not... Would you put that away? There's no consent form. - What? - There is not pink page, the consent form is missing! - So? - So?! You know the rules. She can't be in there without a consent form! You think they're gonna stop this whole operation because you lost a piece of paper? I didn't lose it. Look you know how anal these guys are. - Maybe she'll get another hearing. - Listen to yourself! But this could be huge! A mistrial! - Oh sure, anything you say. - Look... See? Told you I recognized her. Opposition Leaders Stage Illegal Strike She's a political. So that would explain it. What do you mean? I mean, there might not be a consent form. Get it? But that's illegal. You know for a child prodigy, you ain't too ight. - We gotta do something. - Like what? - We gotta let 'em know upstairs. - And how are we gonna do that? Call up. - It's just for emergencies. - Well what do you think this is? I don't see a fire. I don't see a gas leak, or flooding. I don't see you writhing on the floor in the throws of a heart attack But God knows right now I'd like to! She's gonna die in there and she's probably innocent! None of them are innocent! You read the files. You know what kind of people end up in there! Exactly! All we know is what we read in the files... Oh my God... What if it's all bogus? The files, the crimes, everything. Maybe they're just putting anyone in there they don't like, maybe... There's a purpose, and there's a plan. And I'm not so stupid to think that there's no plan just because I don't understand it! Here's a newsflash: We're just the button men! If we're meant to be analysts, we'd be working upstairs! Would you forget the party line for once and make the call? Okay. You do it. You're the hero. Just remember, She was in the news and they made her disappear. How much easier would it be to get to you. No one even know you exist. Who knows where you'll wake up tomorrow? Hello? It's for you. Yeah? Sir. Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Yes, sir. I understand, sir. Yes, sir. We've got work to do. Someone's at the exit. Our exit? What do we do? The exit procedure. Wait a minute. I've never done this before. Don't you usually do this with Owen? That's right my friend, but Owen is not here, is he? And the rules clearly state that two senior technicians have to be present at all exit procedures. Right, but I'm not a senior technician. Hey! I need help here. That was a phone call from upstairs. Personal contact. Direct orders from above. They never do that. We can't screw this up. - We? - Yes. We. As far as I understand, sir, only senior techs are allowed to perform the exit procedure. Perhaps it would be my be interest to abstain until receiving clearance from higher up. You little prick. Okay. Okay, I get it. Look, you help me with this, I'll tell them about your girlfriend. Okay? - When? - What? When will you let them know? As soon as we're done with this. All right? Okay. - What do I do? - Just follow my lead. Okay, here we go. Step one, Visual confirmation of subject in exit room. Oh, no. Owen. - It's Owen. - Shut up. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello! Anyone there? Hello? What now? Please! Question one. Please state your name. Huh? Who are you? He doesn't recognise your voice. They fried his ain. Please state your name. - They fried his ain like the rest. - Shut up! I think it's Owen. Thank you. Question two: Do you believe in God? What? What? Question two: Do you believe in God? What is this? Screw you! Please answer Yes or No. What kind of god would do this to people? Please answer Yes or No. No. Okay? No! Now let me go. Let me go! God dammit. Let me out of here! Hit it. I need a doctor. - What does it do? - Just hit it. Please! For Christ's sake! Still want your girlfriend to sail through to the exit? He... He's gone. It's over. - He was one of us. - No. Once inside, he's one of them. So this is your big exit procedure? What are we doing here? Do you believe in God? It all hinges on that? I just read the questions and push the buttons, okay? What happens if you push Yes? I don't know. No one's ever said Yes. Here. Send this upstairs. Do it! Do you believe in God? What kind of animals would do this? Owen is... Owen is probably out sick again. - You sure? - Yes. What are you doing? You're not allowed in there. I'm through pushing buttons. No! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'm inside. Okay... Thank God. You stupid jackass! Good evening, Mr. Dodd. I believe these belong to you. Well, it looks that you got yourself a little bit of a situation down here. May we? The boys upstairs felt you could perhaps use a hand, and so, here we are. My name is Jax and these are my associates Mr. Finn and Mr. Quigley. Right. Gentleman, first things first, we locate our mouse. He has no implant and so we have to do this the old fashioned way, I'm afraid. Mr. Quigley, run a visual check on all rooms, he couldn't have got far. Yes, Sir. Mr. Finn, run a probability tree on his potential movements. - Let's have some contingency, shall we. - Right away, Sir. Excuse me, Mr. Jax. Excuse me, sir. Yes Mr. Codd? It's Dodd, sir. What do I do? - I'm sorry? - What do...? Yes I almost forgot I have your orders from upstairs. It's a personal delivery. Order number 7-9-3, bla, bla, bla, bla... Commence standard series of needle tests on Rains group. - You do know what that means? - Yes, sir. Of course, sir. All in a day's work, sir. Right away, sir. Do us a tinsy favour and use Mr. Wynn's auxiliary monitor. We'll need the big guns here for our little mouse hunt. Of course, Sir. Anything I can do to help, sir... That the spirit Mr. Modd, way to keep the world safe for democracy. - Have we got a visual yet? - Still working on it, Sir. Okay, K-G-K. Three odds. M-A-Q. Three odds. Safe. Like taking candy from a baby. A-Z-Z. A-Z-Z! Got it. I don't know why we bother with these things anymore. A-Z-Z. It's the first time I've seen a Z. - Do you think it means anything? - I don't know. Ah, don't let the door close! Dammit! She's gone. Got it. Subject is isolated. And now the tricky part. Okay. You were last seen here. That was an hour ago. She should still be in the same coordinate. The rooms move. Do they have to? She can't be that far. Yeah but if we veer too far off course looking for her we'll never find the edge. What do you suggest, killer? That we'll cut our loses? Uh, Guys. Are we sure this room is safe? Maybe he just starved to death. God I'm hungry. - What are you doing? - We could use these. - We have to keep moving. - We have to get back on track. We've already chased our tails for an hour looking for her. God! This headache is not going away... - Maybe it's that chip in your head. - What? It's true isn't it? I mean they now put bio-receivers in all you army boys. Keeps you on a leash. Lady you've got a hell of an imagination. Jackpot. It's her. Dammit. Is she all right? She's not moving. Great. Wake up. Are you all right? Rise and shine... Is she...? There's a pulse. She's burning up. Can you hear me? - Oh my God. - What happened to you? Help... I need a doctor. - Don't let her touch you! - Let go! - Watch it! - Oh my God! Don't leave me! - You just... - I didn't mean to... She scratched and I... You put her out of her misery. My headache's gone. Something's eating her. A chemical or a virus. We never checked this room for traps. I could be in the air. - Let's see your arm. - We've got to get outta here. - Show me your arm. - He's right, we've gotta get outta here. Your arm. Where she scratched you, Let's see it. - Why, you think...? - Yes, I think! Fine! there, see? Nothing! Flesh wound. Sure. Nothing. What do we do with him? What do you mean? I think whatever was eating away at her, is spreading to him. - Hey I'm still here! - Not for long! - I say we ditch him. - Screw you! Just relax guys, nobody's ditching anyone. Look at him. Oh my God. What? Your face. Crap. Please don't leave me. This is horrible. You wanna baby-sit a dead man? Be my guest. Please. I'll do anything. Anything? From now on, you test the rooms. All of them. Fine. Well, we're not going down there. No sense wasting a good boot. Help me! He's still alive down there! Forget it, he's gone. You heartless son of a bitch! No! - Don't come near me. - I was protecting us. - You murdered him. - He was infected. You saw it, it was spreading. We'd be dead by now. - You don't know that. - Actually, he's right. It's a highly contagious form of a virus. - Flesh eating disease. - Who the hell are you? I... I've come to help. - Damn. - Problem, Mr. Scrod? - No problem Sir. - Anything of interest? Actually Sir, I was about to... Would you care to share with the rest of the class? Yes Sir. As I was running my test series as instructed Sir, The query intersected with my subject, Sir. Good work, Rod. Who says they only hire the mentally challenged down here? Open. - Thank you, Sir. - Up on the main monitor now, Please. We keep... They, collect data and run tests. All kinds of tests. Testing Chemical and Biological agents, Measure ain activity, endurance, most of it I don't even understand. And that's just what I see in my department. I hear about others who do different work. I even heard there are other facilities. Cubes. Christ. I just heard rumours. - Why can't we remember anything? - I don't know, I always assumed that it was so they could have a blank slate to work with. Blank slate? Bastards, you've been using us as lab rats. Hey man, not me. I'm just the computer guy, system checks. Stuff like that. Oh yeah, you just followed orders. Yeah. - You make me sick. - Look, you got it all wrong. - I hate my job. - You're job? How can you do this to people. It was your choice. You volunteered, only you don't remember anymore. At least that what they told us. And you believed them? Well, yeah. I saw the consent forms. Except for yours! You're lying! Who would volunteer for this? Well it was either this or execution so... What? They say you're all condemned prisoners, who volunteer for the experiment instead of facing the death penalty. I never did anything to deserve this. Yeah well, tell it to Meyerhold, Right? - We're innocent, dammit! - I didn't volunteer for this! I know, because your consent form is missing! Shut up! While you were doing your system checks, did you happen to see a little girl? No. Yes. I mean, I saw her. I saw one little girl... In your dreams. - What? - Yeah. It's hard to explain. Here. You see, another thing they have us do, is record the subject's, the people's dreams. Her name's Anna, Right? - They can see into our dreams? - Yeah. Where is my daughter, you piece of shit?! - I don't know! - You're lying! No, Please! I came to help! Rains! We need him. - Why? - I can show you the exits. Go ahead, where are they? You were wrong about the cube. It's only 25 rooms all around. Only 2 rooms have Z coordinates valued 26. They periodically move to the perimeter, but those 2 exit points are monitored. And there's supposed to be an auxiliary exit. That leads directly outside the cube. How do we get to that one? I don't know. So what use is he? - Can you show us how to avoid the traps? - Yes, definitely. Okay. Just read me the coordinates from the surrounding rooms, please. I was right. The coordinates. Well, well... It seems that our little mouse, is a rat after all. Mr. Finn, could you do something about that, please? Yes, Sir. This one's C-F-P. The hell...? - Damn. - What is it? - The letters. They just disappeared. - What? They're all gone. They know I'm here. - So now will be a good time to move. - Good idea. You first. Okay. I can't make any promises, but this should be the way. Mr. Quigley, could you isolate that quadrant for me please? Mr. Finn, show me the current trap configuration, s'il vous plait. Merci. Let's make their life a little more interesting, shall we? Okay... Trapped. Sure looked easy from my desk. They trapped all the rooms around us. Now what? Really glad you showed up to help. My God. I'm actually starting to enjoy myself. You know what? I think we should keep getting together and doing this more often. God dammit. What? Sir. Yes, Sir. Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir. Right away, Sir. Just finish it, you idiot. Ungrateful cretins. You didn't hear that. Okay gentleman, we have the word from on high. It's time to blow this popsicle stand. - Mr. Quigley. - Sir? You heard the man. Just finish it. Yes Sir. Okay, let me think, let me think. What the... ? Now what do we do? The floor. the floor. I'm sorry. God dammit! I don't wanna die in here! What's happening? What stopped it? I don't know. Come on, you piece of... - What the hell? - I don't know Sir, we suddenly lost contact. Yes, I can see that. Why? Maybe the energy required for the test itself blew out the capacitor. I mean, we're not talking state-of-the-art equipment. Wrong. That's not how it works. That's not how it was designed. Someone is screwing with the connection. I don't know Sir. It isn't me. Me neither, Sir. What? I have no idea. It's not me, I swear. You wouldn't lie to me, Now would you Mr. Clodd? No Sir. Wouldn't think of it. Questions? Comments? What are we waiting for? Get us back online! Damn. - Nothing. - Nothing is not an answer. Excuse me, Sir. - Excuse me? - What is it? Can I use the facilities, Sir? Just go! For the love of God, where do they find these people? I don't think it's software, Sir. - It's definitely a hardware problem. - Listen. This is getting embarrassing now. Okay? I needn't remind you Gentlemen, that in a few minutes we'll have no choice but to send people in there. Call me impulsive but I could probably think of a couple of names: Quigley! Finn! You know, right of the top. What is that noise?! Something's wrong with the main power source. It's gone into reset mode. What the hell is going on? Boot. - Damn. - You can say that again. What? Power go out? Yeah. So the traps don't work. - That's the good news, yeah. - What's the bad news? It's gone into reset mode. The system will restart itself in 10 minutes, the first routine that runs on restart, is a clean sweep. - Is that as bad as it sounds? - The Clean sweep program flash-incinerates anything still living in all the rooms. - So, we gotta move. - Which way do we go? I don't know. Okay, last time I ran the numbers you were pretty much in the centre of the structure. So I guess we just keep going in the same direction until we get to the edge, right? Great, so we're back to square one! - Do you have a better idea?! - No. I don't. 'Cause I'm not the one who uses people as a fucking guinea pigs! Wait! Back to square one! Dodd. Dodd is the only one who can power down this quickly. But he knows that reset would kick in, so why would he...? Of course. Clean sweep happens after they realign to zero position. - What? - Quick. Let me see your map. When the power comes on, the rooms are programmed to realign back to their original positions before the clean sweep starts. now, if we're in one of the exit room, Like A-Z-Z, it will move us to the perimeter, and we'll have about... 3 seconds to get out. - Before it fries us. - Yeah. If that room hasn't moved, we'd might just make it. Yeah. You know Mr. Wod has been in the little boy's room an awfully long time. Come on. Gotcha A noble attempt to save your protégé, Mr. Dodd. But quite foolish, ultimately. May I have that widget back, please? I don't think I can do that, Sir. Mr. Dodd, are you disobeying a direct order? Yes. There... Cute, and rather, cliché, in an endearing kind of way. Unfortunately, I do believe there is penalty, a rather strict penalty, for sabotaging state property. Instant paralysis! They weren't kidding, were they. However, not to worry, Mr. Dodd, You still will be able to feel. 5 minutes to reset. I think I found the source of our power problem. Does anyone knows where this goes? Anyone? That the central coupling. I got it, Sir. Still doesn't solve our observation problem, they could be escaping as we speak. Sir, in less then 5 minutes from now the clean sweep kicks in, and then I think our problem will evaporate. Mr. Finn, I don't trust machines. I have a machine to thank for this, and this. I need to see them, with my own God-given eye. Of course Sir, I just, I don't know how... Sometimes I even amaze myself. Mr. Finn, one of our runaway rats is a former squad soldier. Is he not? Yes Sir, that would be Haskell, the big fellow. And they still bio-chip the enlisted men, do they not? Of course. Sir, that's illiant... Mr. Quigley comes through. Mr. Finn, acquire us an uplink to the squad surveillance network. Yes Sir. Right away, Sir. - Time? - We still have 4 minutes! Hold on! There's no way he survived that. We gotta go. Come on. - We're locked on. - Sir, we have a visual. It's a weak signal. Your tax dollars hard at work. Transmit the kill code. Pain inhibiters, activated. Neuro-cam enhancers, amplified. - Are we there yet? - Almost. Haskell? Move it! Get off her! Thanks. Okay, come on. - How much further? - We're almost there. A-Z-Z. This is it! It's okay. The power's out. The power's out. Chickliss... Oh man... - There's over one minute! - Can't this thing go any faster? - Sir, we've got the grid display back. - They're at the perimeter. 30 seconds to clean sweep. Well I think it's time for our little surprise. I hope your shortcut worked, Mr. Quigley. - Water. - The auxiliary exit. Leads directly outside. - Now what? - Can you swim? Jump! Well? Did we get them? Sorry Sir. The signal got scrambled at flash point. I think we got 'em I don't like it. Get a squad to the exit point. This way! - Come on. - Run! Run! Go! He's conscious. Thank God. Well, welcome back Mr. Wynn. You're conscious. So, we can begin now. Eric Wynn, as you have been found guilty of high treason, sabotage and various other crimes against your country and your God, and so on, bla, bla, bla... Your sentence has been extended for two more lifetimes. What sentence? I don't remember the trial! Well, you were found guilty. No further questions. Wait! What are you doing? Well, we've decided on a few modifications before putting you back inside. - Wait! - Mr. Wynn, you are holding up progress. Don't I get a choice? Don't all the condemned get a choice? I choose death! No, Mr. Wynn. You do not get a choice. You have already made your choice. I believe this is your signature? - I don't understand. - I don't understand. You chose to become a test subject. Many years ago. And you simply don't remember that. It's all standard procedure. But my job? Dodd? Owen? Chickliss? All lab rats. Just Like you. Observing the observers, you know, that kind of thing. Very interesting results. Wait! - You're actually starting to bore me now. - Where is she? Oh, the allusive Ms. Rains. Well, you needn't worry about her. You didn't catch her. He's all yours. - Don't touch me. - Don't worry. This wont hurt. Wait! Mommy, I'm cold. Why can't we have a fire? Because the bad people might find us. I have something to show you. See. That's us. We're superheroes. These are very special because they were drawn by a very special person. Is he a superhero too? Yes. Yes, he is. What wrong with him? He doesn't seem to know we're here. This room is green. Hi there. - This room is green. - Yes, It is. What is it, shock? I wanna go back to the blue room. I think he's mentally handicapped. - That's all we need, a retard. - Don't! How the hell did he survive in here? I wanna go back. I wanna go back. Back. Back. I wanna go back. Wanna go back.

I hate this place. Water? Water. Water. Water! Now that is sick. - Are you watching this? - No, Thanks. I don't look any more. We've seen a lot of... Oh, dear God! You know you shouldn't be looking at the files. - It's not against the rules. - But it's not encouraged. - Come on man, we've all... - It's not encouraged. Okay. Okay, screw this. - Pawn to King 2. - Knight to Queen's Bishop 6. - Check. - What? I was just wondering... When is Chickliss coming back? Some time this week. Probably all suntanned, the prick. Let's see... King to King's Bishop 8. Rook takes Queen. Check. Dammit. Damn! - Sorry. - Shut up I don't need your sympathy. - Where is Owen? - You're trying to psych me out or what? I can't hear myself think. Owen... Owen is probably out sick again. That would be my best guess. You sure? Yes. Yes! Despite your rather transparent tactics, Brainman, prepare to die. Bishop to Queen's Knight 7. Checkski! Queen takes Bishop. I believe that's Checkski-Mateski. What? No way. Ah come on, how did you...? You freak of nature! You know the other night I heard some noise. - Noise? - Yeah. In Owen's room, like a... like a scuffle. - Really? - Yeah. - You don't think that...? - You dreamt it. - No, look... - You dreamt it. You're always complaining about your nightmares. They come for you at night. What? - They come for you at night. - Who does? They do. - Drop it. - They do. Enough! What are you suicidal? Good. They didn't forget lunch this time. Goat cheese salad with ginseng, liver fricasée and mango sorbet. Eeewh. Must be you. Hey! Wha...? Oh! Sorry. Bless us our Lord for these thy gifts which we're about to receive, from thy bounty through you, Lord. Amen. Amen. Down the hatch. Please record REM-sleeper in room 172409. Let's go. Okay. Zooming out of 06, 12, 21. And zooming in to 17, 24, 9. Here we go. Hot-patching gear works and flipping to REM reader mode. Locating subject. Subject located. Zooming in. Wow... Keep your tongue in your mouth, Brainman. We're on the clock. Are we locked? Sorry. Locked on. Thank you. Arm extension, Go. Cali ating... - Steady. - I got it, I got it. Light her up. Interscan is locked. Commencing REM read. Mommy! Mommy Help! Anna! No! No! Anna! Okay. Now let's cycle back. And there you have it. If you do this long enough, you can do it in your sleep. In your sleep... Recording dreams in your sleep. That's funny. When's the last time you remember being outside? Last night. I had a dream of being at the beach. No, I mean really outside, not a dream. I... I don't remember. I've been busy lately. Overloaded, actually. Picking up slack. For you, I might add. I don't remember either. - Isn't that weird? - You're weird. Shut up and let me concentrate. Dammit! - You know, I was just thinking... - Stop thinking. - What's gotten into you? - What's gotten into me? - You know who these are? - They're Chickliss' kids. You told me Chickliss was on vacation. I have to go to the can. Try not to drool on the controls. It screws up the cali ation. Bastards. Where is she? What have you done with her? Where is...? What have you done to me? Why can't I remember? Why can't I remember my daughter's name? Let me go! - Get off me! - Okay. Okay. Sorry. It's okay. She's one of us. Touch me again, soldier, and you'll be eating your eyeballs. Why soldier? What do you know about me? Tattoo, on you forehead. You're on the squad, right killer? You show up by night and people disappear. - Why did you do that? - Because you're scum. Look miss, you have a certain disadvantage here. None of us remembers how we got here, or pretty much anything else. Including who we are, so whatever you think you know about me, I don't even know myself. I don't trust her. She knows something. Thank God somebody does. Have you seen any children? A little girl? No. My God. I hope they don't put kids in here. - That would be horrible. - What if they drop children in here? I gotta keep moving. Wait! You gotta be careful climbing around here. - Why? - There are traps. Traps? How do you know? Because of this. That's good bandage. Are you a doctor? - I don't know. - I did it. I may be freakin' Mother Teresa for all I know, But I don't remember. You remember something. Before all of this. Not much. Being chased through the woods, by guys like you. The tattoo set me off. When I first woke up, I don't think I would have known my own name if it wasn't stitched on my shirt. I don't even know if this is my name. I feel like we've been here for hours and I still can't remember anything! Give her a moment... Fine. A moment. We gotta get moving while we still have our strength. You guys have a plan? We keep moving in the same direction until we find the edge. This place has got to end eventually. What about the traps? We test the rooms. We have a system. It's safe! I'm going in! Help! Hjälp! What kind of animals would do this?! Does she look familiar to you? I keep thinking I've seen her before... - I wonder what she's in for. - You're making a mistake. Huh? What the first rule I taught you about this job? - Neatness counts? - Very funny. Don't get involved. I know, I'm not getting involved OK? I'm drawing. You have your chess, Owen has his fish, Chickliss... Can we spend 5 minutes without inging up Owen and Chickliss please? And get us back on real-time. You're gonna get us in trouble. I'll show you three ways to beat that game if you answer one question. - Fine. What? - Okay, what I wanna know... Hold it. Show me. Okay. Check Mate. You win. That's illiant. Do that again. - What do you know about a third exit? - What? A third exit. An auxiliary exit that leads directly outside. - There's no such thing. - Owen said there was. - He said Chickliss found more plans... - They were having you on. No way. I think that that's why they're gone. I think they've found something... I think you'd better stop listening to old wives' tales. - Listen to me. - This conversation in over. - Don't you ever worry? - About what? One day, you're gonna wake up inside. The only way I'm gonna wake up inside, is if I keep on talking to you. No. These things are useless! The sensors there must've been different. Maybe they're not motion sensors. Maybe they're triggered by heat, or sound, or something! Why don't you just admit it? We're dead! He can't admit it. It's the training. - The army never admits defeat. - You got a problem with me lady? - Yeah. - Why? I don't trust you. - Oh, how the hell did we miss this? - What is it? C.I. A. What is that? Clues to who built this place? I think that's just a coincidence. Try the other doors. Y.Y. O. U.D. S. S.A. N. What do they mean? I think it's a mistake to think of these letters as meaning something. It's like some kind of code or puzzle we have to figure out. A puzzle? They're playing with us! - We should make a map. - Using what? - Our blood? - I don't know. Maybe. You got a better idea? I have a better idea. I need something. I need... Your hair pin. They did us the favour of polishing our boots. Okay, We'll find the safe rooms. C-I-A. Give me the others. Y.Y. O, U.D. S And S-A-N. - Good memory. - Yeah, in the short term. Now I wish I could remember what happened to me between birth and about 3 hours ago. Right. I dunno... Shoe polish and a hair pin. Nothing in this place is random. Maybe the bastards just underestimated us. So near and yet so far. Yeah, but she's doing better than most. I mean half of them don't even notice the letters, Let alone map them. I meant the chess. Give it up. She doesn't stand a chance. Of course she has a chance. Yeah? You're gonna ride in on your white horse and whisk her out? The rooms can realign to zero position. No it happens, and then she'll figure out the letters and uhh... sail through. And what's the first thing the program does when the rooms realign to zero position? - Clean sweep. - Exactly. The only thing that's gonna sail through that is their ashes. Cheer up buddy. You'll catch you another one. The boys upstairs like 'em young and pretty. Don't you ever feel guilty? - Don't you ever feel? - Son, you're outta line. - Yeah whatever... - Excuse me? Why don't you stop your doodling and do some work for a change? Like what? We're waiting for orders, it's what we do best. It's what we do. Clean up your space. It's disgraceful. - You're kidding, right? - Do I look like I'm kidding? This one's S-D-F. Wait a minute. - What? - I don't know if this makes any difference, But they're not periods, They're commas. He's right. They're commas. Okay, so they're commas. What difference does it make? We don't even know what the letters mean yet. I mean if they were numbers, I'd understand the commas. Understand the commas how? Well isn't that how you plot coordinates on a graph? X coordinate, comma, Y coordinate, comma, Z coordinate. Right. So if the rooms were labelled with numbers, like 10,1,7, you'd know something about the room's position. Yeah but we've got letters that so far tell us absolutely nothing. That's where you're wrong, soldier. The letters tell us one important fact the number never would. - What fact? - There are only 26 letters in the English alphabet. So? So we know the parameters. Exactly. If each room has its own unique letter combination, Then it's a pretty good bet that this whole place is a cube with 26 rooms on each side. Worst case scenario, we're anywhere from 1 to 25 rooms away from the edge. - Let's go! - Great! Actually, it's your turn to go first. S-O-S. No kidding. Ahh... Guess we'll try another way. Rains, Rains, Rains, Rains... Cassandra. The little girl's name is Anna. Protests and strikes. Troublemakers up north. The whole country's going to crap. Ungrateful pigs. Herregud... Oh my God, Oh my God... What is it now? Please tell me that's not... Would you put that away? There's no consent form. - What? - There is not pink page, the consent form is missing! - So? - So?! You know the rules. She can't be in there without a consent form! You think they're gonna stop this whole operation because you lost a piece of paper? I didn't lose it. Look you know how anal these guys are. - Maybe she'll get another hearing. - Listen to yourself! But this could be huge! A mistrial! - Oh sure, anything you say. - Look... See? Told you I recognized her. Opposition Leaders Stage Illegal Strike She's a political. So that would explain it. What do you mean? I mean, there might not be a consent form. Get it? But that's illegal. You know for a child prodigy, you ain't too ight. - We gotta do something. - Like what? - We gotta let 'em know upstairs. - And how are we gonna do that? Call up. - It's just for emergencies. - Well what do you think this is? I don't see a fire. I don't see a gas leak, or flooding. I don't see you writhing on the floor in the throws of a heart attack But God knows right now I'd like to! She's gonna die in there and she's probably innocent! None of them are innocent! You read the files. You know what kind of people end up in there! Exactly! All we know is what we read in the files... Oh my God... What if it's all bogus? The files, the crimes, everything. Maybe they're just putting anyone in there they don't like, maybe... There's a purpose, and there's a plan. And I'm not so stupid to think that there's no plan just because I don't understand it! Here's a newsflash: We're just the button men! If we're meant to be analysts, we'd be working upstairs! Would you forget the party line for once and make the call? Okay. You do it. You're the hero. Just remember, She was in the news and they made her disappear. How much easier would it be to get to you. No one even know you exist. Who knows where you'll wake up tomorrow? Hello? It's for you. Yeah? Sir. Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Yes, sir. I understand, sir. Yes, sir. We've got work to do. Someone's at the exit. Our exit? What do we do? The exit procedure. Wait a minute. I've never done this before. Don't you usually do this with Owen? That's right my friend, but Owen is not here, is he? And the rules clearly state that two senior technicians have to be present at all exit procedures. Right, but I'm not a senior technician. Hey! I need help here. That was a phone call from upstairs. Personal contact. Direct orders from above. They never do that. We can't screw this up. - We? - Yes. We. As far as I understand, sir, only senior techs are allowed to perform the exit procedure. Perhaps it would be my be interest to abstain until receiving clearance from higher up. You little prick. Okay. Okay, I get it. Look, you help me with this, I'll tell them about your girlfriend. Okay? - When? - What? When will you let them know? As soon as we're done with this. All right? Okay. - What do I do? - Just follow my lead. Okay, here we go. Step one, Visual confirmation of subject in exit room. Oh, no. Owen. - It's Owen. - Shut up. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Anyone there? Hello? What now? Please! Question one. Please state your name. Huh? Who are you? He doesn't recognise your voice. They fried his ain. Please state your name. - They fried his ain like the rest. - Shut up! I think it's Owen. Thank you. Question two: Do you believe in God? What? What? Question two: Do you believe in God? What is this? Screw you! Please answer Yes or No. What kind of god would do this to people? Please answer Yes or No. No. Okay? No! Now let me go. Let me go! God dammit. Let me out of here! I need a doctor. - What does it do? - Just hit it. Please! For Christ's sake! Still want your girlfriend to sail through to the exit? He... He's gone. It's over. - He was one of us. - No. Once inside, he's one of them. So this is your big exit procedure? What are we doing here? Do you believe in God? It all hinges on that? I just read the questions and push the buttons, okay? What happens if you push Yes? I don't know. No one's ever said Yes. Here. Send this upstairs. Do it! Do you believe in God? What kind of animals would do this? Owen is... Owen is probably out sick again. - You sure? - Yes. What are you doing? You're not allowed in there. I'm through pushing buttons. No! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'm inside. Okay... Thank God. You stupid jackass! Good evening, Mr. Dodd. I believe these belong to you. Well, it looks that you got yourself a little bit of a situation down here. May we? The boys upstairs felt you could perhaps use a hand, and so, here we are. My name is Jax and these are my associates Mr. Finn and Mr. Quigley. Right. Gentleman, first things first, we locate our mouse. He has no implant and so we have to do this the old fashioned way, I'm afraid. Mr. Quigley, run a visual check on all rooms, he couldn't have got far. Yes, Sir. Mr. Finn, run a probability tree on his potential movements. - Let's have some contingency, shall we. - Right away, Sir. Excuse me, Mr. Jax. Excuse me, sir. Yes Mr. Codd? It's Dodd, sir. What do I do? - I'm sorry? - What do...? Yes I almost forgot I have your orders from upstairs. It's a personal delivery. Order number 7-9-3, bla, bla, bla, bla... Commence standard series of needle tests on Rains group. - You do know what that means? - Yes, sir. Of course, sir. All in a day's work, sir. Right away, sir. Do us a tinsy favour and use Mr. Wynn's auxiliary monitor. We'll need the big guns here for our little mouse hunt. Of course, Sir. Anything I can do to help, sir... That the spirit Mr. Modd, way to keep the world safe for democracy. - Have we got a visual yet? - Still working on it, Sir. Okay, K-G-K. Three odds. M-A-Q. Three odds. Safe. Like taking candy from a baby. A-Z-Z.A-Z-Z! Got it. I don't know why we bother with these things anymore. A-Z-Z. It's the first time I've seen a Z. - Do you think it means anything? - I don't know. Ah, don't let the door close! Dammit! She's gone. Got it. Subject is isolated. And now the tricky part. Okay. You were last seen here. That was an hour ago. She should still be in the same coordinate. The rooms move. Do they have to? She can't be that far. Yeah but if we veer too far off course looking for her we'll never find the edge. What do you suggest, killer? That we'll cut our losses? Uh, Guys. Are we sure this room is safe? Maybe he just starved to death. God I'm hungry. - What are you doing? - We could use these. - We have to keep moving. - We have to get back on track. We've already chased our tails for an hour looking for her. God! This headache is not going away... - Maybe it's that chip in your head. - What? It's true isn't it? I mean they now put bio-receivers in all you army boys. Keeps you on a leash. Lady you've got a hell of an imagination. Jackpot. It's her. Dammit. Is she all right? She's not moving. Great. Wake up. Are you all right? Rise and shine... Is she...? There's a pulse. She's burning up. Can you hear me? - Oh my God. - What happened to you? I don't know. I feel sick. I need a doctor. - Don't let her touch you! - Let go! - Watch it! - Oh my God! Don't leave me! - You just... - I didn't mean to... She scratched and I... You put her out of her misery. My headache's gone. Something's eating her. A chemical or a virus. We never checked this room for traps. It could be in the air. - Let's see your arm. - We've got to get outta here. - Show me your arm. - He's right, we've gotta get outta here. Your arm. Where she scratched you, Let's see it. - Why, you think...? - Yes, I think! Fine! There, see? Nothing! Flesh wound. Sure. Nothing. What do we do with him? What do you mean? I think whatever was eating away at her, is spreading to him. - Hey I'm still here! - Not for long! - I say we ditch him. - Screw you! Just relax guys, nobody's ditching anyone. Look at him. Oh my God. What? Your face. Crap. Please don't leave me. This is horrible. You wanna baby-sit a dead man? Be my guest. Please. I'll do anything. Anything? From now on, you test the rooms. All of them. Fine. Well, we're not going down there. No sense wasting a good boot. Help me! He's still alive down there! Forget it, he's gone. You heartless son of a bitch! No! - Don't come near me. - I was protecting us. - You murdered him. - He was infected. You saw it, it was spreading. We'd be dead by now. - You don't know that. - Actually, he's right. It's a highly contagious form of a virus. - Flesh eating disease. - Who the hell are you? I... I've come to help. - Damn. - Problem, Mr. Scrod? - No problem Sir. - Anything of interest? Actually Sir, I was about to... Would you care to share with the rest of the class? Yes Sir. As I was running my test series as instructed Sir, The query intersected with my subject, Sir. Good work, Rod. Who says they only hire the mentally challenged down here? Open. - Thank you, Sir. - Up on the main monitor now, Please. We keep... They, collect data and run tests. All kinds of tests. Testing Chemical and Biological agents, Measure ain activity, endurance, most of it I don't even understand. And that's just what I see in my department. I hear about others who do different work. I even heard there are other facilities. Cubes. Christ. I just heard rumours. - Why can't we remember anything? - I don't know, I always assumed that it was so they could have a blank slate to work with. Blank slate? Bastards, you've been using us as lab rats. Hey man, not me. I'm just the computer guy, system checks. Stuff like that. Oh yeah, you just followed orders. Yeah. - You make me sick. - Look, you got it all wrong. - I hate my job. - You're job? How can you do this to people. It was your choice. At least that what they told us. And you believed them? Well, yeah. I saw the consent forms. Except for yours! You're lying! Who would volunteer for this? Well it was either this or execution so... What? They say you're all condemned prisoners, who volunteer for the experiment instead of facing the death penalty. I never did anything to deserve this. Yeah well, tell it to Meyerhold, Right? - We're innocent, dammit! - I didn't volunteer for this! I know, because your consent form is missing! Shut up! While you were doing your system checks, did you happen to see a little girl? No. Yes. I mean, I saw her. I saw one little girl... In your dreams. - What? - Yeah. It's hard to explain. Here. You see, another thing they have us do, is record the subject's, the people's dreams. Her name's Anna, Right? - They can see into our dreams? - Yeah. Where is my daughter, you piece of shit?! - I don't know! - You're lying! No, Please! I came to help! Rains! We need him. - Why? - I can show you the exits. Go ahead, where are they? You were wrong about the cube. It's only 25 rooms all around. Only 2 rooms have Z coordinates valued 26. They periodically move to the perimeter, but those 2 exit points are monitored. And there's supposed to be an auxiliary exit. That leads directly outside the cube. How do we get to that one? I don't know. So what use is he? - Can you show us how to avoid the traps? - Yes, definitely. Okay. Just read me the coordinates from the surrounding rooms, please. I was right. The coordinates. Well, well... It seems that our little mouse, is a rat after all. Mr. Finn, could you do something about that, please? Yes, Sir. This one's C-F-P. The hell...? - Damn. - What is it? - The letters. They just disappeared. - What? They're all gone. They know I'm here. - So now will be a good time to move. - Good idea. You first. Okay. I can't make any promises, but this should be the way. Mr. Quigley, could you isolate that quadrant for me please? Mr. Finn, show me the current trap configuration, s'il vous plait. Merci. Let's make their life a little more interesting, shall we? Okay... Trapped. Sure looked easy from my desk. They trapped all the rooms around us. Now what? Really glad you showed up to help. My God. I'm actually starting to enjoy myself. You know what? I think we should keep getting together and doing this more often. God dammit. What? Sir. Yes, Sir. Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir. Right away, Sir. Just finish it, you idiot. Ungrateful cretins. You didn't hear that. Okay gentleman, we have the word from on high. It's time to blow this popsicle stand. - Mr. Quigley. - Sir? You heard the man. Just finish it. Yes Sir. Okay, let me think, let me think. What the...? Now what do we do? The floor. The floor. I'm sorry. God dammit! I don't wanna die in here! What's happening? What stopped it? I don't know. Come on, you piece of... - What the hell? - I don't know Sir, we suddenly lost contact. Yes, I can see that. Why? Maybe the energy required for the test itself blew out the capacitor. I mean, we're not talking state-of-the-art equipment. Wrong. That's not how it works. That's not how it was designed. Someone is screwing with the connection. I don't know Sir. It isn't me. Me neither, Sir. What? I have no idea. It's not me, I swear. You wouldn't lie to me, Now would you Mr. Clodd? No Sir. Wouldn't think of it. Questions? Comments? What are we waiting for? Get us back online! Damn. - Nothing. - Nothing is not an answer. Excuse me, Sir. - Excuse me? - What is it? Can I use the facilities, Sir? Just go! For the love of God, where do they find these people? I don't think it's software, Sir. - It's definitely a hardware problem. - Listen. This is getting embarrassing now. Okay? I needn't remind you Gentlemen, that in a few minutes we'll have no choice but to send people in there. Call me impulsive but I could probably think of a couple of names: Quigley! Finn! You know, right of the top. What is that noise?! Something's wrong with the main power source. It's gone into reset mode. What the hell is going on? Boot. - Damn. - You can say that again. What? Power went out? Yeah. So the traps don't work. - That's the good news, yeah. - What's the bad news? It's gone into reset mode. The system will restart itself in 10 minutes, the first routine that runs on restart, is a clean sweep. - Is that as bad as it sounds? - The Clean sweep program flash-incinerates anything still living in all the rooms. - So, we gotta move. - Which way do we go? I don't know. Okay, last time I ran the numbers you were pretty much in the centre of the structure. So I guess we just keep going in the same direction until we get to the edge, right? Great, so we're back to square one! - Do you have a better idea?! - No. I don't. 'Cause I'm not the one who uses people as a fucking guinea pigs! Wait! Back to square one! Dodd. Dodd is the only one who can power down this quickly. But he knows that reset would kick in, so why would he...? Of course. Clean sweep happens after they realign to zero position. - What? - Quick. Let me see your map. When the power comes on, the rooms are programmed to realign back to their original positions before the clean sweep starts. Now, if we're in one of the exit room, Like A-Z-Z, it will move us to the perimeter, and we'll have about... 3 seconds to get out. - Before it fries us. - Yeah. If that room hasn't moved, we'd might just make it. Yeah. You know Mr. Wod has been in the little boy's room an awfully long time. Come on. Gotcha A noble attempt to save your protégé, Mr. Dodd. But quite foolish, ultimately. May I have that widget back, please? I don't think I can do that, Sir. Mr. Dodd, are you disobeying a direct order? Yes. There... Cute, and rather, cliché, in an endearing kind of way. Unfortunately, I do believe there is penalty, a rather strict penalty, for sabotaging state property. Instant paralysis! They weren't kidding, were they. However, not to worry, Mr. Dodd, You still will be able to feel. 5 minutes to reset. I think I found the source of our power problem. Does anyone knows where this goes? Anyone? That the central coupling. I got it, Sir. Still doesn't solve our observation problem, they could be escaping as we speak. Sir, in less then 5 minutes from now the clean sweep kicks in, and then I think our problem will evaporate. Mr. Finn, I don't trust machines. I have a machine to thank for this, and this. I need to see them, with my own God-given eye. Of course Sir, I just, I don't know how... Sometimes I even amaze myself. Mr. Finn, one of our runaway rats is a former squad soldier. Is he not? Yes Sir, that would be Haskell, the big fellow. And they still bio-chip the enlisted men, do they not? Of course. Sir, that's illiant... Mr. Quigley comes through. Mr. Finn, acquire us an uplink to the squad surveillance network. Yes Sir. Right away, Sir. - Time? - We still have 4 minutes! Hold on! There's no way he survived that. We gotta go. Come on. - We're locked on. - Sir, we have a visual. It's a weak signal. Your tax dollars hard at work. Transmit the kill code. Pain inhibiters, activated. Neuro-cam enhancers, amplified. - Are we there yet? - Almost. Haskell? Move it! Get off her! Thanks. Okay, come on. - How much further? - We're almost there. A-Z-Z. This is it! It's okay. The power's out. The power's out. Chickliss... Oh man... - There's over one minute! - Can't this thing go any faster? - Sir, we've got the grid display back. - They're at the perimeter. 30 seconds to clean sweep. Well I think it's time for our little surprise. I hope your shortcut worked, Mr. Quigley. - Water. - The auxiliary exit. Leads directly outside. - Now what? - Can you swim? Jump! Well? Did we get them? I think we got 'em I don't like it. Get a squad to the exit point. This way! - Come on. - Run! Run! Go! He's conscious. Thank God. Well, welcome back Mr. Wynn. You're conscious. So, we can begin now. Eric Wynn, as you have been found guilty of high treason, sabotage and various other crimes against your country and your God, and so on, bla, bla, bla... Your sentence has been extended for two more lifetimes. What sentence? I don't remember the trial! Well, you were found guilty. No further questions. Wait! What are you doing? Well, we've decided on a few modifications before putting you back inside. - Wait! - Mr. Wynn, you are holding up progress. Don't I get a choice? Don't all the condemned get a choice? I choose death! No, Mr. Wynn. You do not get a choice. You have already made your choice. I believe this is your signature? - I don't understand. - I don't understand. You chose to become a test subject. Many years ago. And you simply don't remember that. It's all standard procedure. But my job? Dodd? Owen? Chickliss? All lab rats. Just Like you. Observing the observers, you know, that kind of thing. Very interesting results. Wait! - You're actually starting to bore me now. - Where is she? Oh, the allusive Ms. Rains. Well, you needn't worry about her. You didn't catch her. He's all yours. - Don't touch me. - Don't worry. This wont hurt. Wait! Mommy, I'm cold. Why can't we have a fire? Because the bad people might find us. I have something to show you. See. That's us. We're superheroes. These are very special because they were drawn by a very special person. Is he a superhero too? Yes. Yes, he is. What wrong with him? He doesn't seem to know we're here. This room is green. Hi there. - This room is green. - Yes, It is. What is it, shock? I wanna go back to the blue room. I think he's mentally handicapped. - That's all we need, a retard. - Don't! How the hell did he survive in here? I wanna go back. I wanna go back. Back. Back. I wanna go back. Wanna go back.

Still two eggs for the eakfast, hurry Freshly baked egg tarts, give way Please, give way Freshly baked egg tarts Can you... say it again? Man, I've said many times already Brother Chiu, morning Two tarts, iced tea The macaroni is the usual take-away he wants Mr. Li, you have a good memory Sure, I am the boss Sorry, he's new here Boss, I want to order something Morning, Fun You're buying eakfast for grandpa? Yes, the usual eakfast Okay, please wait Fai, take the order Condensed milk on the tart spring onion fried egg with toast Mixed tea and coffee, no sugar Why is he so demanding with eakfast? He's not demanding he has his character only We're doing neighbors' business we must remember all their taste or else we can't compete with fast food shops Don't stand here, take orders at once Don't just stand here Morning, Brother Kei Morning, Nam you didn't sleep last night? There was a upt matter I just couldn't help You eat this again? If your father sees this... What don't you let me to see? You bastard! You're my son, but do never help me now you even patronize our competitors? Don't be mad, it's just a hamburger Why don't you eat our own egg tarts? I've eaten egg tarts for 20 years You're my son it's bad if our customers see you eat this Why must you eat food from fast food shops? I hate food from fast food shops most They are all these, not authentic at all Okay, I'll arrive in 5 minutes Fook... not yet back? Not yet back? Who will do the delivery? Just blocks away but he's been away for an hour He must be helping others again He is really too kind-hearted Hold on! Master, here... Turn the steering wheel... slowly... Two feet, reverse more, more... Thanks Let me open the door for you Okay, thanks Goodbye Hey, are you alright? Thanks You're welcome I'm sorry I hit you just then I'm fine, I'm sorry about that You're wet through, here's facial tissue It's okay... Your milk, it's here I've drunk all I was going to throw it away Have you? Let me throw it away for you You're working at Lucky? Right... our egg tarts are famous Whenever you feel hungry... just call me up and I'll deliver them to you You're doing delivery work? Yes, I am I work near here. This is my name card I'm in a hurry, I've to leave now Goodbye Goodbye You're a good guy Goodbye Goodbye Sister, what would you like? Is Brother Sui back? I am new here, I don't know who you mean I'll wait till Brother Sui is back Thanks for your patronizing $25.5 please Excuse me please give this to Brother Sui For Brother Sui? Okay It's for Brother Sui For Brother Sui again? For Brother Sui Who is that Sui? Why is he so famous? You haven't heard about Sui? You are new here! Sui has wooed numerous girls here We men all hate him His sexy regards... can melt all women... however cold she may be He's known to be love machine here He's soul of Lucky Coffee Shop Everyone knows him as Prince Egg Tarts May, what is in your mind? Go away What have I done wrong? You haven't done anything wrong you're very good to me instead But I don't love you anymore We don't suit each other What not suit? I can improve to suit you Suit you fool! We're from two different channel I can move to your channel Move you fool! The fate linking us is over! May! Prince Egg Tarts the girl you wooed are bad Good figure! Sui! Brother Sui, I've bought you a new car Why did you buy me a car? You want more? Let me send you my present flat as well As long as you feel happy So you think I'll be happy when you give me your car and flat? What's wrong? I do this as I love you so much You can judge love with this material? No, Brother Sui, you misunderstand me I dislike a girl like you No, Brother Sui, sorry Get lost! No, Brother Sui you mustn't treat me this way I can't live without you, Brother Sui... You won't go away? No! I'll leave then! No! Brother Sui, don't do this... How come? He only enjoys the process of wooing girls He only wants to capture that illusion feeling Whether he can woo that girl or not is not vital to him This is the highest state of wooing girls Brother Sui, you're great Was there tear just then? Yes... Thanks What are you doing? Freeing birds And you? Switching on the fan I didn't ask you to turn on the fan But you requested to have newspapers flying around you How can newspaper fly without the fan on? Sorry, it's a day Chibi Maruko! Hi Don't come near I've waited for this situation for long Shin-chan, I see you finally! Shin-chan! Sorry It's alright Look around over there I'm sorry the loan shark people are chasing me It's okay, I'm being chased as well By loan shark people too? He's worse than loan shark people It's dangerous here, let's run Run? Where to? Thanks for patronizing, Sister There's phone call? Let me answer... What are you doing? Two milk tarts Okay, he'll arrive in minutes Wooing girls? No What are you doing? Boss... what's your opinion about love at first sight? What's your opinion then? Love at first sight... is vague Just like when we're boiling eggs and when we take a look... the steam cover the eyeglasses We barely see the eggs rolling... When the eggs are almost cooked we take away the glasses We see the boiled eggs Some egg white is coming from the shell It's a symbol of life Fook, what are you talking about? I don't understand at all He means it's like watching porn movies with checks on When the checks disappear suddenly you'll see clearly so you shiver I see I can tell you have never wooed girls you can hardly express yourself well Woo girls? No Waiter Coming Boss... What again? How about your first love? My first love? It was 30 years ago I was still a secondary student I really thought of her any moment When I was pissing I would pause suddenly Then I thought of her, and I felt sweet Then I forgot pissing the rest of my urine Right... No wonder I failed to piss all the urine today Fook, you're wooing girls? No Mr. Li... What is it? I know nothing except a little cooking If I do some cooking for her... do you think she'll be moved by me? Don't ever do this! Girls nowadays hate men who stay at home Fook, why just sit there and not work? Prince Egg Tarts... they're talking about their first love What about your first love? I'm a wanderer, I had no first love Are you? You're smart Brother Sui, if I want to win the heart of a girl what shall I do? Is there such a thing? Good! I tell you, only one thing counts in wooing girls Handsome Handsome. No problem then Right, you have no problem The problem lies on your parents they gave you such an odd face Sui... What shall I do? Being not handsome is no problem as long as you have money But I have no money, what shall I do? I did have some but I gave it all to you just now Your acelet is nice you've just bought it? If you are ugly and poor you can only hit her hobbies Which girl do you want to woo? It's this one It's simple Brother Sui, I have confidence now! Fook, Kung-fu house called for delivery Brother Sui, how am I now? Am I fine? You look great today Yeah... Not bad... You look very smart today! Are you ready? Yes, I am GO woo girls then! Delivery has arrived How much? $48.5 $50, keep the change Good thanks. Egg tarts Take your hands off me I've paid you already! Fook, you have come? Yes... Why are you dressed so specially today? Right... You can feel that? In fact, this is the real me I am charming indeed I'm not a domestic man at all Not bad... Try our egg tarts, they're very good Okay How come all the egg tarts are smashed? Morning, Manager Colleague Brother he came to stir up troubles I saw all this It's misunderstand, Colleague Brother Fanny, you'd better stay away from this I know you're from kung-fu field as you're dressed this way Let's solve the trouble with martial art What do you mean, Manager? I mean this! Say something, are you a man? You're womanish, okay let me give you a chance Choose one among us and have a duel Choose now... Dare you choose me? I'll choose the shortly who's sweeping the floor Let me deal with him you've retired so long You needn't eak the rules Clan Master Clan Master? Get lost! I admire you of stirring up troubles as you're so young Though I haven't fought for 2 years... I must have a good fight with you today Tell me your name! Fook from Lucky Coffee Shop I'm Ng Lau Sau the Clan Master of King Thunder Fist Ready! Why don't you fight back? You asked me to get ready and not fight back Is it finished? Fanny, the reason I come today is this... Fook, are you okay? I saw him not responding I did move back at once Otherwise, he'd have died now Go on practicing... You shouldn't have fought if you can't I... I thought you like it? How come I like it? I hate fighting and killing Why are you practicing kung-fu here then? I'm only secretary here What do you think I am? Why are you dressed like this? For what? Nothing... In fact... I only wanted to ask you... If you have time and you're all alone at home feeling bored... and you want a company and... You want to date me? So you met Chibi Maruko here? Shin-chan, you're a love bird Don't laugh at me You can call me Nam Nam Right, you are... I am Fon Fon But you can call me Chibi Maruko as well Didn't you want to make a call? Right, I'll leave after making the call I'm hungry, let's cook something to eat No need, let's get something from the coffee shop downstairs Okay, I'll leave after eating Don't touch Chibi Maruko again Who are you? Who are you? I am asking who you are You are at my home eating my chips You're Nam's father? Right, who are you? I'm Nam's fiancee, I am Fon Fon Fiancee? What fiancee? He has never told me that! Does he take me as his father? Father... Hold it! I won't accept this marriage Why doesn't he inform me about his marriage, it's a great matter I've only quarreled with him 2 times He knows he's wrong after quarreling with you He feels regretful now Of course he is wrong You are both adults now It's difficult for him to apologize to you But he keeps saying so to me He says he's wrong to make you angry Once while he was saying so he even cried Really? He dared not tell you on our engagement day He wanted to give you two surprises when you're no more angry Two surprises? We've bought a flat for you Though Nam doesn't want to tell you for the moment How come he has so much money to buy a flat? We have no money but we've been economizing We didn't even waste money to buy fish-balls from hawkers Every day after the market closes... we go to pick up the dumped vegetable home as dinner I haven't eaten such good chips for a year These chips are dirty, don't eat them... I'll open another packet for you Father, don't blame on Nam No, I won't... Blame on me if you want No, you're both good children I won't blame on you... Dad, what are you doing? Nam Nam Why don't you tell me you're getting married? Getting married? I've wronged you, good boy you're a good son I am so happy today! I'm aged, I can look after myself Take this money for yourself Tell me if you need more money Fon Fon, you might live here Okay, I'll move away when decoration at my place is finished I won't bother you for long We're fily members you can live here however long you like Father, thanks This stuff is bad for your health Let me cook something good for you daughter-in-law Thanks, father-in-law Thank you Daughter-in-law? You said you'd leave after making the call Why must you become my wife? Why are you still living here? What are you talking about? Don't be so mean I tell lies as I'm being chased by loan shark people Look how well I've pampered your father He even gives you so much money I want you to leave at once You want me to leave? Right, leave here at once! You don't even thank me but cast me away? Don't bullshit, beat it! You won't care if loan shark people kill me and push me away? I've to leave now I'll die in front of you! I'll go out let them kill me! Sorry... I don't mean this just take it as my mistake You know you're wrong now? I thought you wouldn't save a poor girl I warn you, you may spend the night here But you must leave tomorrow morning Shin-chan, I know you care for me You're real nice guy Very nice! Don't touch it! Yes, Boss! Nothing there was a bit trouble yesterday But everything is fine now Okay... I'll come back right away... Morning, Shin-chan What are you all doing here so early? Come and dance, it's Philter Dance Philter Dance? Right You must keep dancing on I met a monk in Sahara Desert who told me... if you keep on dancing this for one month Women will become prettier while men will have powerful sex Who works in the shop when everyone is up here? Boss says it does us good that we must dance hard He's working down there he'll come here too Don't stop Why don't you dance with us? I beg you not to fool around here, okay? Nothing, I see them having big belly... so I teach them a little exercise lt'll do them good No way, sorry I don't want to listen to your lies anymore You... leave here at once Don't just stand here go and help with the work Go now... You want to see loan shark people kill me? Don't bullshit anymore Please let me stay here, Shin-chan Don't call me Shin-chan again! Where are you going? Father, I have to leave now he casts me away Leave? Where are you going? I asked her to go... to help with the work down there How can a girl do such hard labour? Right, I was going to take a nap But Nam keeps scolding me he says I must be good to you It's good you have that in mind I was bullshit only Of course young men should have their own career I can't let you become waiter and waitress I know... This is nutritious soup I made it whole night last night You eat it Thanks, Father It's bad to eat thrown-out vegetable What thrown-out vegetable? Eat it, it's hot, be careful It's bad... our coffee shop must collapse this time What's on? The landlord is increasing the rent to 20 times! Right, I signed the lease with Flirty Si 10 years ago And next month will be expired I've forgotten it It's bad this time You mean we'll soon be unemployed? Chinese New Year is approaching do figure it out You might reason with her Can you just beg her? Go and try How can I? Flirty Si is known to be a difficult woman Unless she is your woman Sui, I must rely on you for this kind of matter Do figure it out, Brother Sui... do us a favour It's regarding the closing down of our shop... so I must help Who is the landlord? Person in charge of Shing Sai Real Estate Company And the landlady of our shop her name is Flirty Si Her real name? Flirty Si How old? She was born in Year of Tiger She's at the demanding period for sex What is she like? She's like the 4th day of New Year What? The 4th day of New Year? Why does Brother Sui look so bad? The 4th day of New Year you resume work and have no money You have to work, it's the look on all of your face, like Sui now Is there abacus? Yes! If I correct, she's of... Aquarius People of Aquarius is passionated in the inside Just like the water pot the bottle is narrow But if you have the ability... to squeeze inside you'll find a huge jungle You can even tumble in there Let me tell you To deal with such women you must use conquering regards... and a strong arm... so as to rescue her from the sea of lust Good! Sui, we count on you this time Lucky can be saved now Here she comes... A strong arm Conquering regards Are you alright? Go to hell! You dirty beggar! You ugly guy are fetish, go to hell! Please do us a favour... You threaten me? I must increase the rent move if you have no money! I'll come to collect this place at noon in two weeks! That woman, Mad Ng who bit you is infected with rabies You mean it? Did a dog bite that bitch? Dig bite is not the only way of spreading rabies If Mad Ng kisses with a dog she may be infected too Then I am in big trouble? Very much trouble! For the sake of your health I advise you to undergo a Rabies Package You must receive 49 injections against rabies in the coming 7 weeks After this treatment, you needn't fear to be bitten by dogs anymore You mean I have to receive 7 injections a week No, 7 injections a day You'll be injected 49 times a week And injections for a total of 7 weeks If during the treatment an injection is not proper... the treatment has to start from the beginning More than 300 injections? You idiot fatty! Hurry up... Okay... it'll soon be finished Sit properly The train has arrived, sit down Sister, when can we sit the train again? You want to sit again? Take the medicine and you'll sit the train again soon Take this medicine Master, you look familiar do we know each other? You mistake me for someone else No way, your voice is familiar too Speak something more I'm sorry, I'm see Doctor, very hurry Ho Kum Sui! I'm not Ho Kum Sui Ho Kum Sui you come to see the doctor too? You needn't work in the coffee shop today? I'll leave now, goodbye Ho Kum Sui You can tell I work in an office in Central. What coffee shop? That stuff is a dummy Mister, you've dropped your ID card Ho Kum Sui I didn't drop it But this photo looks like you We only look alike, can't we? No, I saw you drop it You must have made a mistake I swear, I'll die horribly if I make a mistake I'll have no offspring and die instantly Look the way you swear it seems I dropped it It's yours, don't play me a fool I've said you're Ho Kum Sui Don't you recognize me? I'm Yip Yuk Fan, Candy You still like fooling others after so many years, you're bad Let's meet next time Don't go Do you remember the incident in the secondary school? You tore my dress I haven't settled it with you yet That incident... In fact I feel sorry about that incident It's no use just to say sorry I won't let that off You're much prettier now Don't bullshit, compensate for it now What? You don't compensate for it when you tore my dress? Will you compensate? I'll report to police if you don't Don't report to police, we were classmates, I'll compensate you now This is it This is for you Report to police? Give me the change Don't play a fool, you guy! Why, you take me as a fool? What do you want? Go away! Must I find someone to beat you up? You lack something Lack what? A knife You're bad, I failed to frighten you You've half made it I was a bit afraid just then You are to blame, you tore my dress Let's forget it now, it was ages ago I won't bear that in mind I'm ease off then Don't worry, I have to work now. Goodbye This is my name card come to see me if you have time I'm happy to see you here I can recall my school life Goodbye Doctor, it's only 300 injections... I'll take the treatment! I'm very happy today Me too I didn't expect we have such fast development This is my first time donate blood with a girl I don't believe How come? You're an adult It's true... I never tell lies You're really my first girlfriend Rest more 5 minutes and you may leave Why is it so strange? A good man like you must often come for blood donation It's because of Brother Sui he fears injection very much So I thought blood donation hurts a lot If you don't accompany me I dare not come either Who is Brother Sui? Brother Sui is a very good guy We call them Wanderer he doesn't mind at all We even give him a nickname Prince Egg Tarts Prince Egg Tarts? Look at this egg tart The outside seems cold and hard But it's soft and sweet in the inside This name suits him perfectly, terrific! Is there really such a guy? Let me treat you with an egg tart Thanks You're welcome Brother Sui and I are the best buddies in the coffee shop We've talked for such a long time and you still talk about him? Why don't you tell me about yourself? About myself? Frankly saying, I am a boring guy I have no hobbies, I don't like talking As you work in the coffee shop you must like cooking Cooking doesn't suit me I hate cooking in the kitchen Don't expect I'll ever do cooking I'm not that kind of domestic man But from the way you are I thought you're that kind of man One mustn't tell from others' appearance Just like Brother Sui, he looks an idiot but whenever he speaks he can make you laugh to tears He can really make you laugh to death So Brother Sui attracts lots of girls I hope Brother Sui will find his real love soon You do care about your friends I'm happy when I see them happy What about me? Are you happy when you see me? Sure I. I'm not just happy I'm so happy that I'm almost dead I took this packet of biscuits from the Red Cross just then I'll keep it forever as a souvenir of our first time Shit, I ate it just then I don't have it as souvenir then Let me give my packet to you No, it's your packet No, take it No, you take it back No, it's my present for you No It's my present for you Sorry... It's hot! Don't panic... Are you okay? It's all wet! Let me clean it for you... That girl is stupid she said Lei Chi is the capital of Brazil It is mistaken This kind of stupid woman deserves being dumped by you Right Anyone with the slightest geographical knowledge knows... Lei Chi can't be capital of Brazil What funny thing are you talking about Of course we're talking about girls Right, I do want to tell you too It's so funny when Fanny and I went dating Is it? You must compensate me if it's not funny I fear I can't compensate if you laugh too much and die Fanny and I went for a candle light dinner When we were talking... I carelessly threw the chicken cream soup on her It's bad... You soaked her dress then? Sure, and the soup was very hot It burnt hard on her thing, it's bad... What then? I tried to clean for her with the table cloth I drew the table cloth and the candle fell on her It's to bad! That candle burnt her dress then? You're not listening to me Her dress was soaked how can it be burnt? The candle burnt her shoes it's too bad! What then? Then I stand up at once I stepped hard on her legs... I stepped so hard that I seemed to hear her bones oken Could she walk to go home? She couldn't walk, when I saw her home she told me... I don't ever want to see you again you don't suit me At that moment it seems someone holds a knife... and digs a hole to take out my heart... to be falling into an abyss... A real deep abyss it keep falling down and down... I don't know when it'll stop it seem falling on forever That feeling is like a woman giving birth to a baby... it hurts... It hurts so much! It still hurts now It's really amusing, it's late, let's go Let's clean up and leave It's not that amusing Don't laugh if it's not amusing Brother Sui, what shall I do now? You must rely on yourself at this situation What rely on? You're nuts, me and you are buddies What rely on? I mean you go to see her and talk to her How to talk to her? I mean you must rely on yourself No one can help you in this incident trust me You can make it, come on don't draw the face Go get some beer I don't want to get drunk I know, I want you to get beer for me It's for rabies I take it for prevention Didn't I give you my telephone number last time? Yes, please roll up your sleeves Why didn't you call me up? Stop talking, it might hurt a bit Does it? You must care about me Of course, here it is Hey, are you alright? So it really hurts a bit Are you ready or not? Ready for what? Lt'll hurt more when I extract it Will it? You must care more about me Okay Candy, is there a chance for a dinner with you? Why? Because I have some medical problem to ask you Stop that, you want to court me as you find me pretty? Tomorrow at, let's have dinner after I'm off duty Boss, let's eat Look, last year it gave birth to 3 baby birds This time there're 50 baby birds What then? I have an idea You've been working here for a long time Let me tell you it's very troublesome this time But you needn't worry I've figured it out finally Are you reducing our salary No, I'll close Lucky down Close Lucky down? Right! Lucky does have business though the profit is little This little profit cannot keep us alive Talking about our best-selling egg tarts how many are sold a day? About $900 Let's count it $1000, it's only $3000 So I think our business cannot be carried on Right? You mean we must stop business Right, so there's only one way Let's turn the shop into Lucky Hot Pot Seafood Restaurant Hot Pot Seafood Restaurant? Good idea, seafood restaurant ings high profit If someone orders a steamed fish the profit is no less than $1000 When talking about hot pot we only sell ingredients... and the customers have to do the cooking lt'll ing even more profit isn't it a good idea? Good... Will it work, Sui? Good idea Just then a light hit on me and I turned this out That light really ings you good idea So I say I am in luck Go to hell! I don't fear how much she must increase the rent I know this place is of good feng shui If feng shui here is bad the birds won't build nests here If only we work hard together we can win this battle! Good, boss! We must win this battle! Sui, will you join in this battle? Yes, defeat her! Kei, will you join? Yes, defeat her! Defeat her... Defeat her... Who must we defeat? We must fight for the seafood hot pot restaurant Seafood hot pot, good! I have many buddies who do decoration work I'll ask them to redecorate here they charge only a little I've thought of something... What have you thought of? I know where we can get cheap tools for hot pot Where? The hot pot restaurant just opposite here They closed up after opening for less than a month their tools are new Their bowls sell cheaply That restaurant closes down at the perfect moment, we can get cheap tools Just closed down? Right Seafood hot pot? Let me think a while there's a way to everything Boss, are you eating with us? Yes, but I have to piss first These photos are worthless at all Boss, those bird shops are closing down soon We can't shoot photos if we don't take them now None of my business! All I want is gag! Police Station has just supplied me with an exclusive news That incognito real estate businessman Law Chat Fai's daughter is missing If we take photos of her eluding with a man... or photos of her being sold to othels Then we'll make a fortune You're to handle this university student You've trapped me again You've lost, drink it now I won't play quiz with you let's do fist game No, fist game is only for men No fist game, drink it now Okay... Wait, do you hear? The phone seems ringing Don't play a fool You've no perseverance, drink it Good... No way I lose everytime ask me another question Good, you must answer this one swiftly Sure! What colour is a black cat? Black A white cat? White A panda? I've heard this before Panda has two colours, black and white you drink it! I haven't finished yet The colour of the dead cat stuck on the wall No eathe at all! Wrong, it's decoration It's decoration? You've trapped me again Okay, let me ask you one question Everyone is launching rockets up the sky but how come none of them shoot a star down? As the stars are very high up in the sky Wrong! Because those stars keep twinkling so they can escape You're cunning you've trapped me this time No, you must ask me another question Ask the most difficult question Sure Come on Lucky Coffee Shop is closing next month and the guys who work for me will be unemployed If you were me, what would you do? You have no way now? No way now If you have money, it's right But I have no money Father-in-law, you needn't worry My father has lots of money I lend some to you Your father owes loan shark money he's being forced to death Maybe I shall lend him some money Don't you believe me? I do believe you I have money at home let me go and get you some Good Wait for me I'll wait for you Don't go away I won't go away, it's my home here Nuts She's gone? Where has she gone? She's just left Fon Fon... Fon Fon... Fon Fon... Fanny, there's something I must tell you now I must tell you in person I'll wait for you in the park at noon I won't leave before you arrive Sorry, excuse me... I'm a bit late you won't be mad? Won't be mad? You asked me to come at noon but now it's 5 p. M You're 5 hours late? Aren't I mad? Fanny, please listen to me Just then someone needed my help... So I arrived late now It didn't take you 5 hours to help others, right? It's like this an old lady was carrying lots of things She didn't know how to take a bus so I led her to the bus stop You then saw the old lady home, right? Right, when I arrived her home with her... her daughter-in-law was giving birth to a baby That old lady couldn't help, so I carried her daughter-in-law downstairs When we were downstairs the baby was almost coming out It was critical moment The baby's life was crucial so I had to help them What then? What happened to that woman? That woman was fine When she arrived the hospital she didn't let go of me... not until the baby was born You saw the baby out? Right, I was going to leave... but when the baby's father arrived the hospital... he asked me to give a name to the baby You know I didn't have education I don't know many words Now he asked me to give a name to the baby I could only suggest Coffee, Tart, Sandwich... I couldn't think of any better names So they didn't like them Then the old lady said... If I didn't meet you the baby would have died Why not use your name? Fook? Right, they like the name very much I find this is not too good Why? I think that baby should be called Fanny Because that baby is a girl She's pale, fat and lovely, very sweet It's good if she's called Fanny Why Fanny? And not other names? Because Fanny is a good name Furthermore... I only know a girl's name as Fanny I don't know other girls' name at all What Chinese name did you give her? I translated it into Chinese, Fan Li Do you think it's good? No, Fan Li (parting) means separating It's a sad name Let me think again You asked me to wait for hours here just to listen to your story Of course not... In fact, Fanny, I want to tell you... I... love you very much I didn't mean all that last time I hope you won't be angry I hope we can be friends and not separate anymore Can I? Fanny... Hey, what's then? I've said, the English name is alright but Chinese name is bad I don't mean the name affairs I mean about us I mean separating is not good don't you understand? I understand Damn you! Am I cute? Let's go I want to take a look at the baby girl Shall I give her a name of Sect? No... her surname is In It's bad to call her Insect... it's not good What name shall we give her then? Who oke it? Sorry, I was curious and oke it Are you angry? No, I'm not Okay... I'm making a better one for you right now Don't ever go out Sorry, I was trying the saw I was careless Are you angry? No, how come I get angry? Fon Fon is great her father does construction business She knows decoration work very well Can you take up the floor? Be careful No, the flooring is firmly stuck Father, you must admit this I can't help you've done your best already You've made a big hole in the sitting room, what're you going to do? It's easy Look, it's all covered up now Right... you're a real expert Of course but there's still a little crack here It's easy, I have a spittoon here Right, this spittoon covers it perfectly What? You have exclusive news of Law Chat Fai's daughter? We'll make a fortune if this is true Anyway you must write an impressing article I'll leave the cover of next issue for you Look, it's pretty Good stuff Look, you're like a dirty pig You're a dirty pig too My hands? Right This is for you Have a smoke first Look This Shin-chan is you this Chibi Maruko is me, do we look like? I have a camera let's take photos, please Here's the delivery Where's Fanny? A man came for her and they went to the park together A man? It's Fanny ex-boyfriend he's tall and handsome He is even a university student It's said he's come all the way from US to ask her to marry him Ask her to marry him? Right Sorry, Miss, this glass is for you Fook! Nuts! She... You're lucky today you can see the real me now In fact... I'm the Prince Egg Tarts! I'm the Sui, the guy I mentioned to you It's you? Don't be deceive by my stupid look Many girls have been ruined by me Just like the school girl there you saw that? You mustn't take seriously the love between you and me... I was only fooling with you You fool me? Nothing serious just take this as a lesson in your life You must open your eyes when you meet a guy next time Forget me, don't ever remember me Master, do you need my help? Yes, thanks Straight back, turn a bit, reverse... Let me open the door for you Thank you Hello? It's done Right, you can have it anytime Is it impressing enough? I think I can describe it as evil and sly I learn all this from you Fon Fon How can I face others since you harm me with this? You want me to die? No, I don't Don't you have conscience? I have my reasons You are a beast, you evil I really want to see the colour of your heart No... Shin-chan! Are you alright? What did you tear up? Nothing Why are you so frightened? Did I scare you much just then? No, you didn't I was too... absorbed at work I didn't know you came in We may eat now. Go Let's eat... I help you No need... Nam, just then your office called you up They said someone will come and collect the photos What photos? Didn't they? Not... nothing... I still know nothing about your job Don't you know Nam works for... Dad... Let's eat first Let's eat... Don't open the door Why don't you open the door I'll open the door No, don't open the door! Why don't we? You are... Mr. Li Sorry, I take a client to see the flat It's alright... just take a look... Dad, you want to sell the flat? Right I've thought over it's no use keeping the coffee shop I'm aged, it's time for me to retire I just can't close the shop a uptly Those guys have worked for the coffee shop for a long time I want to sell the flat and get some cash I must give them some compensation or something They need money to live on You might live in the flat you've bought I can rent a small room nearby here Renting a room is cheaper I have already seen all sorts of trouble I don't ask for anything as long as you and Fon Fon are happy then I'll be happy too Fon Fon What's wrong with you? You feel unwell? I am fine Go and see what's wrong with Fon Fon Fon Fon It's bad... I don't know how to tell your father I lied to him If tell your father I lied to him he'll feel sad Don't panic, let me tell him this It's alright you didn't mean to tell lies In fact, I'm daughter of Law Chat Fai As nobody lives with me I always tell lies That day I quarreled with father so I left home I only wanted to play a while I didn't want to hurt anyone You both treat me so well I can't feel easy as I cheat you this way Why are you laughing? Help me figure it out You're Chibi Maruko No one gets angry when Chibi Maruko tell lies Don't cheat me I know I can never become Chibi Maruko in your mind Who said so? One is Shin-chan, one is Chibi Maruko I'll give them to you Thanks You've told me everything don't you fear me? Whoever loves Chibi Maruko won't do harm to others Come. Let's eat Come on Are the photos ready? Hurry, it takes time to print So you've wooed her no wonder you have exclusive news Good guy! You're reporter? Listen to me Go away! Fon Fon, I... Sorry Put some more on, good In fact, it's my first time here Candy I love you very much I loved you on the first day you went to school I thought this love would vanish as time passed by But till I met you again in the hospital... my love to you is shot up again Can't you describe it with a better word No, I just use shot up to describe the mood I now in Candy, there's a letter I've always wanted to give you I haven't had the chance it's chance now Candy! I think you should understand though a girl dines with you that doesn't mean she will sleeps with you Sure, a girl must only sleep with a man after marrying him I won't make friends with girls who have pre-marriage sex The problem is that I don't believe in all this If I know I love you... I wouldn't waste so much time for a romantic dinner... or say some romantic conversation We can go to bed directly. Do you agree? I can't agree better At this era it's good to go to bed directly I have a suggestion Have you ever worn women's underwear? Women's underwear? I am not only wore it... I used to steal my grandmother's underwear and wore them as hat Why don't you put on my underwear tonight? I think you'll be very sexy You want me to put on your underwear? Can you? What do you wear if I put it on? I'll wear, it's deal, don't eat words I want it now Here? It's restaurant here See you in the toilet I'll go to toilet, wait for me here I'll serve it in 5 minutes then 5 minutes? At least an hour you take me as impotent? Take them off, I want to see your slip I'm talking them off now... You can be more sexy... How to? Remember not to put the shirt inside your slip next time Sure, I won't wear a slip next time Wait, put on my underwear now or else the steak will become cold It's alright, I've asked the waiter to serve in an hour You're in such a hurry? Do you like it? Yes, I do I've always longed for this sense of beast Wait, can you turn around? Turn around? Isn't it easier for you to turn around? I want to see your muscle at the back Great... You have much muscle at the back you always do gym? Candy... What are you doing? I can revenge this time Revenge? You forget? That time at the party you tore my dress... and everyone started calling me Princess Chang Ping It's long time ago you still bear that in mind? Didn't you say you never bear in mind things of the past? I'll see if you're angry in 10 years you son of a bitch! Candy! Isn't that Prince Egg Tarts? Sui, how come you got this trouble? Why are you like this? Don't worry I've asked everyone not to go near the lamp post Right, I've asked them all Not only the lamp post but everywhere, you bastard! Kei, get more 100 men here They're all ready, who makes the joke? Who are you going to beat? Not beating someone but to tear the posts No need... Sui I've thought of a way for you Get more men here first No need... it can be solved I've thought of a way for you Say, how to? Sit down first This can be solved it's going to be alright Isn't it done? This is it We don't recognize you at all Does it work? No one can recognize you Let me take a look Fatty, do you recognize me? Who are you? This is it I must thank you See what you're saying You're Prince Egg Tarts of Lucky we count on you Don't fall, if you fall down we all fall Don't worry, we won't fall down! Last 2 days I come to inform you we'll be sealing your shop at noon in 2 days Don't worry, it'll be solved We must be happy and working these days Yes! Excuse me, if Fook here? You come for Fook? He's just come back Fook, someone looks for you You're Fook? You? Please take good care of Fanny I'm Fanny's ex-boyfriend I meant to come back to her but she refused She told me she loves you I'm going back to the States tomorrow I hope you can take good care of Fanny in future Goodbye Sui! Brother Sui... you must help me this time Only you can clear the stuff for me You recognize me? No, I recognize this acelet You scare me much Brother Sui, here Okay, I'll help you! Fanny is here go and explain to her for me Don't worry, I'll watch you from here But you must go and explain to her yourself If not, you're not showing your sincerity Sincerity You must have sincerity Sincerity Fanny Why are you still here? Look at me, look at my eyes In fact, I was mistaken I thought you were with your ex-boyfriend I couldn't but told lies to you I'm not Prince Egg Tarts indeed But I did this... because I love you so much I hope you can forgive me Fanny, can you feel my sincerity? Yes, I can sense it completely I have never see such sincere eye-sights Haven't you? Fanny... Excuse me, give way Fanny, I feel uneasy as you stare to me all day What do you want? Excuse me, I'm not staring at you The sincerity from these eye-sights are like culprits... they're also naive but like a swindler so complicated I lent him that bag out of fun Fanny, this is my buddy Prince Egg Tarts Brother Sui, this is my first lover Fanny You're Prince Egg Tarts? You're Fanny? Nice to meet you... Brother Sui comes today to help me clear up to you Right, Fook really loves you very much He's a real nice guy Say no more, I don't want to hear... Fanny, don't be like this Don't panic as I am here, take it easy Don't panic, be good Fanny, listen to me Are you free tonight? Yes, what do you want? I... Brother Sui... Prince Egg Tarts is just his nickname you know Yes, I know In fact I'm like you I'm a poor guy who fails to woo girls You know this feeling well? Yes, I understand Yet love is really wonderful do you agree? I agree I have love at first sight with your girlfriend Fanny Can't you see? Yes, I can see Do you think we should open champagne to cele ate? Should we? I rely on you, Fook, my buddy! Buddy... Fanny, I have many things to tell you Me too Let's go then But... it's too sudden I can't accept it Anyway, Fook... is every poor how can I? Fanny, what's wrong with you? I... Don't force me, I hope you understand You mean it? Yes, I do You culprit of the society! I nearly opened a champagne for you That's my first lover you snatch her from me? You culprit! Right, I wanted to snatch her from you but I failed Fanny loves you indeed I... I'm still a poor guy who fails to woo girls Sui Don't be like this, Sui I'm fine, come on It was just a pretty misunderstand You're the perfect couple I'll vanish complete in you life soon Sui, don't be like this We can always be friends I can't walk backwards now But before I leave, I must tell you I'll never forget the two minutes I spent with you just then. I've fallen in love with you already Fook... Sui, you come to see me? I thought you never care about me Nuts, we're real buddies I'm ease off as you're fine now Sui You must come tomorrow Where? Fanny and I are getting married No, Sui, don't... Calm down It's fine now What happened to me? You fainted just then someone sent you to the hospital Why do you keep shouting? Ho Kum Sui, no... Who is he to you? He... is my only buddy my best friend... my other But he snatched my first lover from me So you're also the victim of that beast? You won't understand I want so much to die Don't ever think of that I know you've been struck hard I had this experience too, I understand I really understand that You must have love to know love You must be drunk to know drunk Good poem The feeling of love is really wonderful But find I've wronged Fook Nuts, don't say such things anymore Ho Kum Sui is really a bad culprit Don't worry, he'll be paid off soon Why do you say bad remarks of Brother Sui in front of me? But you said he snatched your first lover What do you want? Right, he is wrong... but you shouldn't blame on him If you must you'd better blame on that girl He keeps being misunderstood He's been heavily struck so he woos girls to numb himself If you must, just blame on that bitch That bitch doesn't listen to his explanation How come there's such a woman? That bitch is the real culprit who puts me and Brother Sui in pain Who do you mean by that bitch? I remember she's called Yip Yuk Fan, Candy The first lover Sui deeply loves First lover? Prince Egg Tarts... How is your first love? How come a wanderer like me had first love? Right Of course Brother Sui has only told me about his first love once I will never forget his story Fook, let me tell you First love is deep I'm so sincere to Candy Why didn't she sense it at all? Why are girls always so happy when they meet bad guys? Look, she doesn't get mad when he peeps at her this way He even earns her love And we educated guys fail... to woo girls Is there a way? Must we be like the poor them in our life? Must we become poor guys who fail to woo girls? I mustn't let this go on I must change my fate So I've made a decision which I regret all my life I must become a bad guy I do all this to gain Candy's love Candy went to another school next day after the party But I have never thrown away the letter I wrote her... until that day, Candy burnt it Forgot to ing the purse No problem, pay the bill tomorrow Little Fun I come to buy take-away, as usual Go and tell your grandpa The coffee shop is closing down no more egg tarts I'll come again alter then There're no egg tarts later I'll come tomorrow No tomorrow, or day after tomorrow no more forever No more Lucky Coffee Shop Go' tell your grandpa no need to buy eakfast here anymore Go home Be careful when you cross the road Morning, Boss Morning Boss, it's windy sand will get in your eyes Right, a sand has just entered my eyes Why are you all here? We're used to getting up early we want to treat you to lunch Nibble Fai says he's cooking today we must cook us a good lunch Right, thank you for taking good care of me You're so kind There're still a few hours let's make use of them Good! Dad Fon Fon, you come to eat with me? Yes, do you like this? Of course I like You've changed so much after leaving this time Have I put on weight? No, Fon Fon, I don't hear you telling lies anymore And you know how to care for others Though I don't know who changes you But I must thank him if there's such a chance I think there's no such chance of meeting him again Boss, the cover of Gossip Weekly is too much at this issue read it Dad, don't read it! Let me see! Is it mistaken? Fon Fon, read it for yourself The Story of Two Gays at Coffee Shop This Shin-chan is you this Chibi Maruko is me Whoever loves Chibi Maruko won't do harm to others Fon Fon! I didn't expect you'd come, thanks Thanks for what? I come for shopping, okay? Don't think I'll forgive you with your advertisements I know I am wrong I don't expect you will forgive me Why didn't you publish my photos? If you publish my photos you'll make fame Even if I must, I won't let those rubbish magazines be benefited If I must publish I'll open my own company Why don't you publish them? You can send them to everybody I've published already But I've only printed one copy Only you in this world can possess it I hope you like it I've burn all the negatives already You needn't worry others will get a copy Goodbye What do you mean by burning the negatives? I still want to reprint them for my relatives and friends I can't help then You're really troublesome Okay, I still have free time Let's go back to the shop and take those photos again Good And look, how can you print this as it shows I'm fat This is baby fat, it's cute Of course not you're not a good reporters How can you print this out? Look how good this one is, look I say you're not a good reporters Please come in and have a look Fine Didn't you say the shop is vacant? Let me... Don't play a fool I'll come exactly at noon Don't play a fool Kei... Knock of this staircase it's better this way Put a wall here, it's convenient Let's get up to the mezzanine floor Good, let's go up and take a look It's really closing down Uncle Kin! Boss I'm so sorry I thought my granddaughter was lying I've eaten your egg tarts for 40 years It's a pity you don't bake them anymore Sorry, Uncle Kin Boss... I want to buy something Go away, nothing to buy now What do you mean? She's only a small girl! Bitch, you want to stir up trouble? You poor people want to play a fool? You think I don't know you're pulling my legs? You ask those old bags and kids to earn a pity If you don't comply with me you can only go to hell Let me warn you now Right, you have your rules... but I have my own rules as well I've taken their money so I must sell them something Uncle Kin, since I've taken your money I must bake you egg tarts This is the rule of my shop! Man, heat the oven! Good! Dare you work? I'll report to police if you heat the oven! I'll report to police if you don't go away This shop belongs to us until noon Good Lucky Coffee Shop will turn out fresh egg tarts at noon I'll seal your shop at noon sharp! Freshly baked egg tarts! Condensed milk on the tart spring onion fried egg with toast Mr. Li, is there any danger? Don't worry, I must do your business Let's take away and eat at home Seal the shop! Yes! Open the door! Dare you open the door? Open the door if you can! Uncle Kin... Open the door and let me out Mr. Li, you must let me out Uncle Kin, it's safer here Finish this mixed drink first Don't worry, Uncle Kin. It will be fine What can you do to me? Dare you crash the door? Right, crash and come inside... Kei, she has asked someone to help Damn it, don't think I am nobody here Let's find someone to help! Fook Where has Sui gone at this critical moment? Sui? Yeah Where has Sui gone? Fook... He must have fled as he hasn't experienced this before Don't be afraid, look So I say triad member talk about righteous Look, Tall Wai really gives me face He takes all his family members here Thanks. I must treat you to tea thanks... Uncle Kin, it's safe to go away now I need not fear them as you have so many help now I'd better stay and watch on As you like... Such hectic scene is rare for me Tall Wai is really righteous! Thanks, thanks for coming Tall Wai, I didn't know you ing so many people along you scared me Tall Wai, you bastard! I've said we mustn't trust triad members Mr. Li, you'd better be smart and hand us the shop I don't want my men to hurt you What shall we do now? Let's go What shall we do now? It's late, let's get inside Uncle Kin, come in at once You are not up to fooling around I won't answer the phone now Sui? It's Sui! It's really Sui! Thanks, Master Ng Lau Sau You're welcome it's our duty to fight against... the evil and culprits It's bad, let's run away! Bastard! We mustn't trust triad members I won't answer get lost! Sui, we all count on you now... There's still time... It's okay... Thanks, Brother Sui You're welcome Fook... is she your first lover? Fook, we must thank Brother Sui He makes me understand I must cherish what I've lost You've lost... what have you lost? You. After you're gone, I only know... you're so important to me Brother Sui said he did that last night to encourage you Encourage me? Sure, Fanny, let's encourage more You get lost! Right, don't be afraid! You take me as a dead? I have warrant to collect the shop Go to motel if you must flirt Bailif, seal the shop! Stop it! I'll beat whoever approaches! Great... Beat her up... Ng Lau Sau of King Thunder Fist... I must fix you... Damn you! Who dare hinder me collect my shop? I dare to! Nam and Fon Fon Nam Dad Fon Fon Our shop can be saved Right, my father has promised already He won't collect this shop he won't increase the rent We can rent on this shop with the present conditions Hurrah! What you mean, Law Chat Fai? Flirty Si, I've bought your Shing Sai Real Estate already The company doesn't belong to you anymore You think money is all mighty? How come I don't know you bought up my company? How come? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Chat Fai, why must you stir up troubles? I'm only collecting this small shop Flirty Si I admit I did stir things up... but love sometimes exerts magic that you don't believe Right... Mr. Li What happens here, today is incredible Not only this, look Are you alright? This can't be explained really It's simple to explain What? Lucky Kung Hei Fai Choi... I wish you all be as lucky as us I wish you all run in good luck All egg tarts are free today! Help yourselves to the egg tarts Don't snatch, you all have egg tarts... No, where is Fon Fon? She says she will come Chibi Maruko! Shin-chan! Kung Hei Fat Choi! I am pretty today? Yes, you are very pretty You can have me today In this day time? Wait till night comes What? I mean you can have me as model today Let's go Excuse me, is Fook here? Happy New Year, Fanny Fook is coming out soon Come on. Have an egg tart Thanks It's delicious, I haven't eaten such good tarts for ages Who baked them? Fook baked them I love men know cooking why didn't you tell me earlier? Do you? Why didn't you say that earlier? How to make them? It's easy, like this... Kei... Christine, why are you so late? I get nervous waiting for you to come Everyone has his partner, I envy them You can't envy them so much Sorry, I come late May? Sui, I've found my partner at last What channel? Not AM, not FM But of SM You can't envy them so much It's lucky year when I see them all so happy Sui, aren't you in luck? Happy New Year! Kung Hei Fat Choi! I'm in luck! It's lucky year this year I mustn't economize on this Thanks I'm in luck too! I've told everything to her Candy, I... So great...

Green is the most popular color this summer Dark green is too, fashionable and nice Can you tell me how old he is? Which color tie do you prefer, dark green or light green? Where are you? Your office said you haven't been at work for two days l'm OK Being lazy will make a person feel more ill, won't it? Which one do you prefer, dark green or light green? I will pick something out for myself later Don't bother getting me anything It's better I spend all my money Now it's ok, my friend is waiting for me Hello? I like both of these Thank you Hello? I have something to tell you Let's eak up What's wrong with your voice? What happened? I can't keep living like this anymore Let me go Tomorrow, I will have another life Go back to your wife From now on, we will never see each other again Promise me Hello? Hello? Why did you treat me like that? Why do you come here? Is it morning now? Miss Zheng, are you inside? Miss Zheng? Miss Zheng, is there anybody inside? Is there anybody inside? Is there? What should we do? Open the door? Go ahead Hi, I am a social worker in this hospital. I can help you Tell her we need get in touch with her family Get in touch with her family? OK We want to know your family's telephone number So we can call them to take you home I have only one wish I really don't want to die Please tell them I am very sorry for what I did I will never do it again She is not sensible now I guess she feels sad too Let her come to terms with this by herself for awhile I see, that's all Tell her to come to the police station before she leaves Hong Kong OK Forgive me Forgive me Hello, can I help you? Room 1401 Thank you l'm sorry, Miss We have moved you to the 12th floor Why? Because there will be a ritual held in Room 1404 What ritual? Manager, how can I tell her? A Buddhist ritual Excuse me... Why are there so many monks here? That room is cursed now, because of a suicide The monks will chase away the evil What evil? All evil! l'm sorry Qie... l'm sorry Miss! Miss! What the hell? Hello, this is Zhang Yi I can't take your call at the moment Please leave a message Hello... I found a shop that buys old furniture I will get them to have a look at ours someday... Well... I have already moved back to my family Come to pick up your things if you're free But no need now We also have to pay for another two months rent Well I don't know which one you prefer, dark green or light green So I bought both of them Why doesn't he pick up the phone? He didn't hear the phone ring? or he forgot to pay the phone bill? You're so stupid! He doesn't want to see you anymore. Why? Why does he ignore me? I only want to hear his voice! Don't lie to yourself You are already oken up But why didn't he answer my call? You are already oken up! So he won't pick up your calls! Do you understand? I know I will never call him again I will forget him as soon as possible Be careful if you feel any pain Young kids, always hurting themselves! Take it easy when doing exercises Here is your medicine Don't drink liquor and don't eat spicy food You can eat something else Only a little Because you're pregnant You'll feel ill at the beginning of the second month No, I can't be pregnant! Let me look at your hands Don't delude yourself! You're definitely pregnant ...Yes... No... Yes... No... Yes... No... No... No... No... Hey! Yes... Nooo... Noooo Hey! You're still counting? What in the world don't you want to have? I... I don't want to have a baby Hey! Say Sorry! Sorry No! No! I told you I never would have jumped! But I really saw someone else jump Miss, we searched the entire railway There was nothing there The other passengers said it looked like you wanted to jump in front of the train so, they stopped you That's not true! I'm going to see my doctor, I have no reason to jump in front of the train! I checked. Zheng Jiawen will see a doctor at 5:00 a prenatal doctor My other's wife was kind of crazy when she was pregnant So strange Call your family to take you home You had an abortion once before If you have another abortion When you want to have a baby in the future It will be more difficult Do you understand what I said? I don't care You can write the reason is that I am neurotic Say it... say I'm neurotic Last time Did I ask you your reasons or not? This is the second time Do you understand? Did you hear the heartbeat? In two weeks, the baby will have hands Well I will schedule your operation for two weeks from now, ok? But, you can cancel it whenever you want Hello. This is Zhang Yi speaking I can't answer your call at the moment Hello. This is Zhang Yi speaking I can't answer your call at the moment Please leave a message I need you Please call me What things can we take away? Everything Even the sofa? And the desk? Take everything away Miss, this sofa is oken Stop moving it, I'll move it another time Ok, call my company if you want Why did you ignore me? Give me more time Why did you ignore me? Did I do something wrong to you? I will never see you again! I just want to forget about the past I will never bother you! I changed my mind Miss, where is the underground station? Over there And where is the bus station to Qing Shan Dao? I don't know It is easier to stop there Come with me to look for it I have a call Hey! Go away! Help! We need to verify your information Are you Zheng Jiawen? Yes Have you been sick in a long time? Did you take some medicine? No AIDS? Hepatitis? or anything else? Yes, I had hepatitis before Call the lab, hepatitis Do I need to stay in the hospital? The person who you bit needed 40 stitches We need to check your information. Make sure you won't be dangerous to others After we record your affidavit you can leave Damn! If you didn't bite him He would have been beaten in prison So many people were hurt by him and all wanted to hurt him too But, you must appear in court You bit his face so seriously l'm afraid witnesses might not recognize him I... I bit his face seriously? Don't worry about it Somebody saw him stop moving when he was lying on the ground But you didn't stop beating him You see You are only an emotional pregnant woman protecting yourself when attacked That's not wrong! He admitted that when you were biting him shouting at him Don't touch my baby Don't touch my baby Ok, it's time to learn how to wash your baby Before you start You must check something what should be checked? The water temperature The baby is very sensitive to water temperature So, you must be check it carefully You can give this job to the baby's father Dad must share responsibility in looking after baby If you feel the water temperature is good you can put baby into it And also note Don't put the whole baby into water at the same time Put the baby in feet first slowly... quietly Try... Notice baby's response If no problem, then you can give your baby a shower Slowly... ok... some more water Hold on to baby's head otherwise his neck will be hurt Do you understand? You can also ask your husband to help you if there are some free seats Ok, be careful! You see? You almost let baby drown Don't put baby too far down in the water otherwise it's easy to let your baby drown Do you understand? Remember!! Ok, let's do it again Slowly... put the baby into the water slowly... Ok... hold baby's head Be careful Can we have a talk? Where is your husband? My husband said he will never come back home I asked him why He answered no reason You two may have a good talk about that He will never come back I called him thousands of times, but he didn't reply How can we talk? Mr. Zhou You'd better take your wife home first Everybody should calm down now Who are you talking to? He... your husband? Don't scare me! I see nobody there! My husband is living in mainland China and just called me a few minutes ago Who are you? You are bleeding I am here, my dear, I am with you Go away... Please go away... I insist on staying, my dear... Get out... Hurry... Get out! Don't be afraid... l'm with you Use the left lift l'm with you my dear We're going to 8B too Get in... Let's get in... my darling I can't stand this... so painful! Take it easy, my dear! Take a deep eath... it will be ok soon! How long will this pain last? Huh? How long will it last? My dear... how long? and when you called me...? I don't know! I don't know! So painful!! Two or three hours. I don't want to give birth... Breath deeply... Breath deeply... Baby will be out soon... What's wrong with her? I will check her Take it easy... Slowly ...Relax... You'll be ok... nothing to worry about Umbilical cord... You are away What do we do now? Don't see, don't see Breath deeply... Breath deeply We'll go to the operating room ...you are so panicked you will hurt the baby We'll arrive soon Talk to her... distract her attention Darling... Relax... Don't worry I will be with you forever Don't push too hard! You will hurt the baby Baby's head is out... careful! Darling Mrs... listen to me the child will be born soon We'll help you here... ok? You must try your best and the child will too Ok, let's begin Push... Push... Push... Did you see? Don't bother her Don't look... don't Push... you will be ok Come on... Baby will be born soon Quickly... the baby is so close now Try... Try your best! Don't shout! Is the child ok? Call Emergency Prepare to save its life Don't hurt my baby! Don't hurt! Come on, help me! There is another patient inside Hurry! Don't move Slowly... slowly... Buddha said Everything will be ok but sometimes humans are very stupid we are far away from the wisdom away and away if we run into problems we find a way to kill ourselves and we still think we can control everything These people spend 2 hours taking the bus everyday in order to come here to study the exercise They are all terminal cancer patients Life and death is only a way of life No matter what happens we should still be alive in this world We always ask ourselves Why is my own life the worst in the world? In fact... life is in our hearts When we meet some troubles We will have different reasons to avoid them Explain what is fate... what is bad Because our hearts are full of sadness If we can find out what causes our sadness Everything will be solved Take me to Tongluowan, Huanshibao Miss, is everything ok? What's the matter? Sister, did you see my dad? It's too late, why isn't your dad back? Sister, did you see my dad? Ok. Ok. Well done! Raise your left leg Come on... Great... come on... Ok. Relax... do your best to raise your leg Good! Well done!! It is very important to do this exercise before you give birth use the water... you will feel better Ok... Go on... Well done! I will enter the hospital next week Why? You don't need to be there until your baby's birth I always have bad dreams at night now Dreams my baby was born but without arms and legs My doctor suggested I stay in the hospital It is better than staying at home alone My husband is not at home, so I think it's better to stay in the hospital Otherwise my daughter will be scared when I give birth suddenly What are you doing? Why are you there? Jiawen... what's wrong with you? What's going on? Get out! Get out! Jiawen... what's wrong with you? She was beating others in a restaurant She already took tranquilizers According to her regular doctor, she is a little depressed What's wrong? Jiawen Doctor! He wants to hurt Mrs. Zhou's baby Tell Mrs. Zhou he wants to get her There is somebody who can look after Mrs. Zhou Can we take care of your baby? I can help you to see your baby Ok... Enn... it is a bit painful Just relax Don't move You see, everything is ok Baby's feet are moving! Can you see? Isn't that funny? Baby is very healthy. Don't worry That woman in the train station really wanted to hurt my baby! Every happening has its own reason If you never did anything bad to other people you shouldn't care about something so strange Why must I accept this bad experience? I have never hurt others Why am I being treated like this? Everything can be solved by a pure heart I think you're always avoiding something Only you know what you avoid Who is she? Who on earth is she?? Get out!! Get out!! Get out!! There was a woman who killed herself here before, wasn't there? Miss, I've only been working here for a few days, I don't know I can't answer any questions l'm sorry Next! Hello. Xiao Dai? Please find some information about that woman who wanted to kill herself on the train I'm writing about her I also need her picture and address I want to visit her family I looked for files all last night But only found two cases Can I visit Miss Zhang? Who's there? Sir... someone wants to visit Why did you lie to me? It's already over Don't think about it anymore, ok? Don't lie to yourself! We killed her! Why didn't you tell me... your wife killed herself? We had already oken up! Why did your wife kill herself? Don't you know? Now... she wants to make me die... Tell her... Tell her! I didn't make you leave your wife Yes... It was me... I killed her! That night you called me I miss you! Me too... where are you now? Did you tell her about us? I can't tell you now... she's here I can't wait for you for such a long time! Don't be mad No... I want you to be with me right now! Call me in a bit It's her call! Don't answer! Please... don't answer! We can pretend nothing happened between you two I didn't hear anything Don't answer We can pretend nothing happened between you two Why do you treat me like this? You will regret it I will make you regret it forever! Hello? Are you ok? I will call you You asked me to call you in a bit I will make you regret it forever! Hello... Hello... What's happened? It's me that killed her l'm sorry Why did everything go so wrong? I'm leaving... Xiao Zhang Get some rest... ok? Can we talk now? I think... We should eak up It's not good when we're together I feel so bad And I think your wife's feeling it too Let's part from now on Go back to your wife What the hell are you saying? What do you mean? We have already killed her! Your wife is waiting for you to have dinner I'm leaving It's too late We have already killed her No Not me! I didn't kill her! It's she who wanted to kill my baby! What's wrong with you? Mrs. Zhou I don't want to give birth to this baby She made me have such a bad experience Some people in this world never want to face the pain They choose to avoid being hurt force themselves to forget everything even pretend nothing happened they will do their best to stop something from happening Jiawen is one of them She forced herself back to the time when your wife was still alive And asked you about your relationship in that virtual space She thought if your relationship was over before your wife died, it would be better But... she still can't forget that you hurt your wife and let her die She has some psychological problems She couldn't stop the illusion even though she was hurt by you In a word She is searching for a special way to save your wife Please help her I have already made my wife die so I don't want to make her die too and our baby We must wait for the birth of the baby It's too dangerous to take medicine now Don't let him hurt your baby! Mrs. Zhou Don't hurt her baby! Mrs. Zhou I can't stand the pain! Mrs. Zhou The baby is coming out, here Your baby will be out soon Relax... Take it easy Push... Breathe, eathe Again... Again Baby is out Here's your baby He is not her baby! Baby... everything is ok Her baby is about to be born! carry her to the operating room as quickly as possible Baby's dad is an artist After we oke up I learned I was pregnant with his child He already had a wife then and a happy family I will take responsibility And support my child in the future by myself You see... she is so lovely She will love me I love you too... baby

So tell me. How was Hawaii? - It was unbelievable. - Oh, yeah? - Well, what happened? - I met this guy. It was the best week of my life. It was just a little vacation romance. But he was so sweet. He took me to all these cool local places. We went scuba diving... - Snorkeling. - Mountain climbing. We went cliff diving. Well, we got a little drunk. - He gave me... - A back rub. We slow danced... in the rain. But it wasn't just about the sex. He pounded me like a mallard duck. It ended kind of weird, though. When I asked for his number, he said he's... - Married. - Gay. - Entering the priesthood. - He doesn't believe in phones. He just kind of ran away. You know, it was just a little fling, but... I won't forget my week... with Henry Roth. - Henry Roth. - Harry. Harry Paratesticles. - Henry Roth. - Henry Roth. Henry Roth, why didn't you tell me you were a secret agent? I prefer intelligence operative, and I couldn't tell you until I knew you. Well, can I call you when I land? You can call me, but I'll be in Peru. I said that a little loud. Come on, that's a 187, code blue. We got the wolf sleeping at night. He's slipping his arm in the drawer and out comes the cookie jar. All clear. Got it? Well, maybe when you get back from Peru. - I don't think that's an option, Lisa. - Linda. I know. I changed your name for your protection. We have to go our separate ways now. Well, goodbye. Got it! Moving out! - What the hell is your problem? - Just keep going, I'll give you $20. - You got it. How's your balls? - Killing me. Hit it. Easy, Honah Lee. Hey, I'm a person, not a seal. Well, I am a vet, not a doctor. So just hold still, or I won't give you a treat. I know, it's okay. You see that, kids? You see what happens when you play with sharks? Now, why you gotta spread those lies? Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts. That's a good title for my documentary. They Only Bite When You Touch Their Private Parts. Or you could call it, They Tried to Eat My Kidney. All right, enough already. You too, Willie. All of you. He just cast a spell on us. All right. Put this on four times a day for two weeks. - You can handle that. - What's wrong with that turtle? Lung problems because he smoked too much turtle weed... ...which is bad for you. Right, Ula? What? I don't smoke weed. Hey, Honah Lee? How's that hot wahine nympho from Ohio? Great. I dropped her off at the airport this morning. Come on, I need some details. You get some booby, some assy, a pull on your poi-poi? Come on. Daddy, what's a nympho? Oh. The nympho is the state bird of Ohio. You're the state idiot of Hawaii. Here you go. Bite the fish, chew the fish, love the fish. Enjoy. - You crack me up, kamaaina. - Oh, yeah? - One of these days... - Yeah? ...you'll show one of those tourists such a good time... ...she'll wanna stay on the island. Why do you say mean things like that... ...and why is your foot on my pillow? I don't want your ass on it, either. Get up! Get up! It could happen. Then you won't be able to go on your boat trip to Alaska. You'll be stuck here, waking up next to the same old, ugly oad, just like Ula. - Just kidding, guys. - About the old part or the ugly part? Henry, come quickly! It's Jocko! Jocko! What's going on with you, buddy? Don't be scared. Everything's gonna be fine. Just stay calm. All right. Willie, I don't need you to see this. Get out of here, now! Okay, check the temperature of the pool. Go! Hurry! What are you doing? I meant check the thermometer! Give me a hand. Let's go! Get me two fish from the barrel. Now. - Okay. - Just hang in there. - Here. - It's gonna be all right. That's a little warm. Go to the bottom of the barrel, please. Okay, there. That's good. Thank you. Come on, buddy, take it. Take it. - He's not responding! - I know, Alexa! Sorry, I smacked you. You needed the fish-slap to calm down. - Do you understand? Are you calm? - Yes. Fish-slap calm me. I'm gonna try to get him eathing manually... ...so I need your face next to his mouth to see if it's working. - Are you ready? - Yes. - One, two, three! - Nothing, nothing! All right! Try it again. If it doesn't work we'll perform a tracheotomy. We don't wanna do that, so let's pray this works. One more time. One, two... That's a lot of vomit. This is why I got into this business. To save sea animals. You should go wash yourself off, okay? Maybe try some turpentine. That might take the stink away. Yeah, high-five is right, buddy. I knew you were gonna burp, but the vomit thing was awesome! That's what she gets for eating my roast beef sandwich. Willie, did you see that? Captain's log: November 5th, 6: 45 a. m. I've taken the Sea Serpent for a trip around the island of Oahu. It is by far the longest voyage she has yet undertaken... ...and its completion will signal that she's ready... ...for our great journey to Bristol Bay... ...whose unspoiled walrus habitat will yield an abundance of... Damn it! Are you kidding me? Aloha, honey. What can I get for you? I guess I'll take a cup of coffee. - You guess? - Yeah, I already ate eakfast. I need to kill some time before the Coast Guard gets here to tow my boat. What did you eat? I had a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and some Gatorade. They're not eakfast. I get you Spam and eggs. Nick, I need Spam and eggs. Hey. - You like the peanut butter cups? - Yes. Want me to put peanut butter cups in your eggs? No, that's okay. Peanut butter cups. - Hey, Sue, nice haircut. - Mahalo, Lucy. Are you staring at me or her? Because you're starting to freak me out. Settle down and eat your pancakes. I think she's a local girl. I wanted to go up to her... ...but I was kind of off my game. But, man, was she cute, though. I thought you liked your bitches from out of state. Yeah, that's usually my policy. Make sure I don't get tied down. Freeze that image right there. There's the little fella. Congratulations, Mommy. Sounds to me like someone is afraid of commitment. Let me guess. Your high school sweetheart got drunk at party... ...then cheated on you with whole wrestling team. Close. Actually, it was my college girlfriend Tracy. And it wasn't a wrestling team. It was her academic advisor. - Oh, she liked the older man. - Older women. About 50 years older. I hope you shot the stupid tramp. What's with the tramp and the bitches talk? - Are you drunk or something? - I apologize for nasty talk. I am grouchy due to lack of recent physical intimacy. Shut up, because here comes one-time-only opportunity. What I will do now is go into your office and become naked. Next move is up to you. I may not be as limber as I once was... ...but I make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to experiment. I don't know if you realize, I'm not into guys. Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups. Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-in-One-Punch. How you doing? - You're back. - Couldn't get enough of that Spam. Fry some up and throw some eggs on it. - You got it. - All right, mahalo. - Hi, Lucy. - Hi, Nick. You know, why don't you try this? It's kind of a hinge. - Now, why didn't I think of that? - Well, you're too close to the project. Don't be hard on yourself. Right. Sometimes you need an outsider's perspective. Fresh eye never hurts. I'm Lucy. Yes. I'm Henry Roth. - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. It's pretty. Keep up the good work. Wait. I see you're sitting there alone. Do you wanna come and sit down? - Sure, that'd be great, if that's all right. - Okay. - So are you an architect? - I am not. I'm in fish. Oh, that's where the smell is coming from. Yeah, yeah, I was feeding a walrus this morning... ...and I thought I got most of it off of me, but guess I didn't. - I love that smell. - No, you don't. - Fish don't even like that smell. - No, I do. My dad's a fisherman. He and my other Doug, they go out to sea for months at a time. And I miss them so much while they're gone that when they come back... ...I just hold on to them for five minutes each. And they smell just like your hands. It's the best smell in the world. Well, my fingers are available... ...for your sniffing pleasure anytime you need them. - Wanna? - Okay. Sea lions are known for their athleticism... ...and dolphins are known for their intelligence. - Walruses are known for their... - Tusks? Their tusks. Also their male parts can get pretty gigantic. Yeah, yeah, it's the second biggest out of all the mammals. - What's the first? - I think Tattoo-Face. I like your laugh. I like you making me laugh. I hate to eak this up, but we're setting up for lunch. Oh, okay. Sorry, Sue. And the real cool thing about walruses is they're very mysterious. - Mysterious? - Yeah, yeah. We don't really know what they're like in the wild. Don't they just sleep on icebergs and yawn all the time? All we really see is what they do outside of the water... ...but who knows what they do under the ice... ...where they spend two-thirds of their lives. Well, maybe they're intimidating the other creatures with their big winkies. That is one theory. - I have to go. - Where you going? It's my dad's birthday, and we go every year and we pick a pineapple. - It's a tradition. - That sounds nice. Okay, well... ...I had a great time. - Me too. - Okay. Would you like to have eakfast again tomorrow morning, same time? - Because I teach an art class at 10. - Really? - Yeah. - I wish I could make it... ...but, yes, I will be there. - Take care. - Okay. - One for the road. It is fishy. - Got you good. - Aloha. - Aloha! See you tomorrow. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. Shit. I had a bee on me. - All right. - He was a big one. Which means look at those two shitheads. That was the stupidest-looking swing I've ever seen. I'm gonna take a Molokai on that one. No throwing. Come on. Stop laughing, you hyenas. Let's see what you get. Okay, you heard me. Go! Go! Show papa what you got. - You suck, you're good at everything. - Father of the Year strikes again. By the way, cuz, I met this sexy, blond tax attorney at Starbucks today. I told her you the kahuna she wanna have fun on this island. You want her number? You pimping tourists for me again? Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember? My life sucks. Now, come on. Give her the Waikikiki sneaky between the cheeky. Ula needs it. I imagine I did it and then I can get through another weekend. I'm staying in. Sorry. Thank you, though. - What? - Hey, Dad! Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau. But your stitches are bleeding. It must've been my huge back-swing. You think you can stitch me up after I get back from surfing? - Yeah, looking forward to it. - I wouldn't surf with a wound like that. You might attract a shark. What's wrong with that? Sharks are naturally peaceful. Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut, anyway? A shark bit me. Nice. Go smoke another one, o. That shark theory's starting to catch on. Now, will everybody keep it down... ...while I whack the crap out of this thing? Sit! Stay! Shit! No! Where the hell is it? Looking for something? Oh, my God! What are you doing here? The same thing you are. Looking for my ball. This is weird. I've been thinking about you all morning, all day. Can't wait to have eakfast with you again. I know. And I just wanna eat you up. - Really? - Yeah. Tomorrow and the next day... ...and the next day and the next day. - All right. Okay. Oh, my. Oh, Lucy, that feels so good. No, my nipples are too sensitive. Stop that. - What happened? - Your ball hooked into that cart... ...bounced back and hit you in the head. It was freaking hilarious. - What? - Who's Lucy? And what's up with your nipples? I can't be falling for a local. I ain't ever going back to that diner. - This where you got hit? - Yes! You're so lucky you're a professional cliff diver in Hawaii. - Yeah, well, it's a living. - I'm a tax attorney. - We never get to have any fun. - Is that right? I'd like to do something extra fun tonight. Taking it deep, aren't you? How about another fishbowl for the lady? - Why don't I just tap a keg for her? - Okay. I think I'm getting kind of drunk. - Are you getting drunk? - Getting there. So, what are you thinking? What am I thinking? Actually, I'm not drunk at all, Noreen, and neither are you... ...because there's no alcohol in these drinks. Sadly, I've used this technique many times. It helps lovely tourists, such as yourself... ...loosen up without impairing your ability to stay awake... ...and have guilt-free, vigorous sex with me. - Wow. - I'm sorry. I'm not a cliff diver, either. I'm afraid of heights. Well, since it's my last night in town... ...can I pretend you didn't just say that and still have sex with you anyway? I can't do it. I'm sorry. Well, can you at least point me in the direction of someone who can? That guy over there could help you out. - Isn't that a woman? - Jeez, I'm not really sure. But you're too drunk to notice, remember? Take care. - Hey, you. Aloha. - Aloha. Not aloha, hello, aloha, goodbye. We're closed today. Go away. - What are you talking about? - Order up! - Don't move. I have to talk to you. - Okay. - Hey! Tattoo-Face! - Hey, Peanut Butter Cups! Hi. Hi. My fingers are extra fishy today, if you care to take a whiff. What was that? I was petting my walrus all morning and thinking of you the whole time. Okay, pervert. I think that you should leave. What? I was joking because of what we talked about yesterday. Yesterday? I've never even met you. - Nick! I need help! - Coming, Lucy. Nick, put that down. I'll handle it. - You, follow me. - Wait a... What's going on? I was kidding around with you! What's happening here? Is she crazy or something? Lucy is a very special person. Very different from other people. Okay. About a year ago, Lucy was in a terrible car accident. She and her father went up North Shore to get a pineapple. Her father oke some ribs, but Lucy suffered a serious head injury. She lost her short-term memory. So she can't remember anything? No, no, no, she has all of her long-term memory. That's a different part of the ain. Her whole life, up to the night before the accident, she remembers. She just can't retain any new information. It's like her slate gets wiped clean every night while she sleeps. Hold on. This sounds like something I would tell a psycho girl... ...so she'd stop calling me. Am I the psycho girl? I wish I was making this up! She has no memory that she ever met you. What about the pineapple-picking thing? She says that every day, because each morning... ...she wakes up thinking it's October 13th of last year. She comes for eakfast because that's what she did on Sundays... ...and October 13th was a Sunday. She has no idea it's more than a year later. She reads the newspaper. It's a special paper her father puts on their porch. It's from the day of her accident. He got hundreds of them printed. Lucy does the same thing every day. - Hello! - Back here. - Hi, Dad! - Oh, hi, sweetie. You got one without me. The lady at the farmers' market gave it to me as a birthday present. I didn't wanna hurt her feelings. I think she likes you. - Yeah, what's not to like? - What about our tradition? Well, I have another idea. I painted my workshop yesterday. White. Now it's too white. Gives me a headache. Oh, yeah, you definitely need some color in here. Well, you know, that's what I was thinking. - Really? - Yeah. Go nuts. - Paint me something for my birthday. - I will. And promise that we can pick a pineapple for Thanksgiving, okay? - Sounds great. - Okay, good. Hey, you should watch the Vikings game while I'm painting. Good idea. - Yeah, baby. Isolate. - What are we eating tonight, Doug? - Spaghetti, Pop. - Try not to sweat in the sauce. Sorry, Pop. Go Vikings. Seven hundred and five. Seven hundred and six. - Seven hundred and seven. - Hey, you guys. Hey, sweetie. How's the painting coming? - You'll see. - Cool. - Oh. What's the score? - The Vikings are on the two-yard line. - Lf they score, they ing it to 14-10. - Maybe they'll win for your birthday. And I'll bet Culpepper runs it in. I'll bet he fakes a handoff to Williams, throws to Kleinsasser in the end zone. - Loser does the dishes? - You're on. Keep the offense on the field. Culpepper fakes a handoff to Williams. He will throw. He's got Kleinsasser in the end zone! Touchdown, Minnesota. Doug, you're good. Maybe you should be a coach. - Dad. - Moron! That hurt. And you don't look a day over 25. Yeah, right, and Doug's muscles aren't pharmaceutically enhanced. What? I use an herb supplement... ...that can be purchased at any health-food store. Check this out. Check out these glutes. Rock-hard, baby. Pretty sweet, huh? Stop it! You're gonna make me throw up on the cake. Okay, just open your present. Okay. Let's see what we've got here. The Sixth Sense. Hey! When I'm done doing the dishes, do you guys wanna watch it? - Sure. - Sure. Ben Friedkin? Some people, they call me freak. - Ronald Sumner? - I am. I am a freak. Look at me. Just give me a chance... I can't believe it. Bruce Willis is a ghost. I'm shocked. Did you see that coming? - No. - Not a clue. - Shocked as hell. - Anyway, it was awesome. - Happy birthday. - Love you, Sis. Your muscles are getting so big, I can barely wrap my arms around you. You like that? Check this out. Okay, okay! Enough with the titty dance! Let your sister go to sleep. - I like it. - Sweet dreams, Lucy. - Good night. - Good night. Hey, Tracy, how you doing? Yeah? Well, things changed a little bit since high school. And this is what happens every single day. How long it gonna take for her memory to come back? Her doctors say it may never come back. So, basically, what you're saying is... ...she's perfect for you. - What do you mean? You can hang out all day with no attachment, because... Her plane leaves every night? There's a problem with that. - What is? - It's evil. No, it isn't. You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt. - She's got ain damage, you psycho. - Okay, I'll give you that one. But I think it'd be healthy for you. You haven't allowed yourself to connect with a girl. I appreciate your interest, but leave me alone. Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does: Giving her a wonderful day. When it's time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave. She'll never even know you're gone. I'm not sure about the poofing part, because I'm not a good poofer. Demonstrate a good poof for me? Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds. All right. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work? Okay. Let's get this sucker ready. Then we're gonna take her out for a spin. Captain's log: November 7th. Nearly midnight. The Sea Serpent is fully recovered from her mishap... ...and ready to once again ave the open ocean. I think my stitches opened up again, cuz. You got a cat? Because I feel something licking me. How is it? Peanut Butter Cups. What are you doing here? I just wanted to say hi to Lucy. I promise you I'm not gonna do anything wrong. What did Sue say? She said that if I talk to Lucy, you'll kill me with a meat cleaver. She's the boss, cuz. But don't worry. Lucy probably didn't wanna talk to you anyway. - What does that mean? - This ain't a disco. She doesn't want guys hitting on her during her eakfast. She does if it's Henry Roth. - Who that? - Who that? Me that. I bet you 20 bucks I can get her to have eakfast with me again. - You're on. - I love it. - How you doing, honey? - Hey, Sue. Nice haircut. Oh, mahalo. See you in a bit. Nick and I have an arrangement. You can trust me. Don't worry. You should try this out. Put it in there. Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now. Are you from a country where it's okay to stick your fingers... ...all over someone else's food? No, I'm from this country. Why? Were you gonna eat that? Oh. All right, well, have a good meal. - Yeah. - That was pathetic. Yeah? Why don't you choke on your Spam? Double or nothing tomorrow. Hey. I'm sorry to bother you... ...but you look like a person who appreciates fine art... ...so I wanted your opinion. I drew this. It's a picture of a father and son fishing off a fishing boat. There's a walrus right there... Oh, you don't speak English. Okay. Doesn't look Chinese. Forty. Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with. Shut up. I wonder what's the matter with him. Looks like a stupid asshole to me. Excuse me. Okay. I didn't mean to startle you. - No, that's all right. L... - Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm having a problem with something... Something that I could help you with? No, no, no. I just... ...can't read. You gotta be kidding me. - I can read that for you. - No. Thank you. I can do this on my own. Appreciate the sentiment. I'm gonna get an order of the... Pan... Pan... Panku... Ca... Panclocks. - Pancakes. - Okay, I'll have pancake. - Pancakes. - Pancah... Pancakes! Pancakes! - I'm so stupid! - Oh, don't cry. - Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. - Don't cry. - I don't know anything! - What a loser. I'll tell you what. Why don't you sit with me? You can have some eakfast and I'll help teach you some of the words. - Okay. - All right. - That sounds nice. - Come on over. - Okay, thank you. - All right. So I comes before the E? - Except after C? - Yes. Okay, and C is that little half a squiggly one, right? - Yes. - I think I'm getting it. - How'd you get so good at teaching? - I'm a teacher. I do it all the time. I'm an art teacher at the Haluki-liki Junior High. Well, you Haluki-liki the kind of teacher all the kids have crushes on. I know I would if I was in your class. Okay. Oh, boy, do my... My fingers smell like fish. That doesn't gross you out, does it? No, not at all. Really? If Lucy gets hurt, I'm gonna chop you with the meat cleaver. Okay, okay. So I had a nice time. - Yeah, me too. - Thank you very much. - Let me get it for you. - Thank you. Sure. Okay. I just want to eat you up, tomorrow and the next day, next day, next day... I'll see you around. Okay. Really? That's it? - That's what? - All that flirting... ...and phony I can't read stuff, and you're not gonna ask me out... ...or for my phone number? - I can't read. - Oh, shut up. That was one of the goofiest things I've ever seen, but I thought: Hey, if this guy is so desperate to meet me... ...he might be worth talking to. But then I get stiffed. No, no, no, this is what happened. I... Mahalo for the ego boost. - You're right. You're right. I feel like... - No worries. I gotta... I can read a little! I didn't know I came before E! That one I didn't know, I swear. Oh, you idiot. I hope you're happy, Shamu. Marlin. It's Sue. - Oh, aloha, sir. My name's Henry... - I know who you are. - I want to apologize to your daughter. - Not gonna happen. She's inside. We're gonna straighten things out. Dad, the damn mongoose got in the garbage again! - Is this the guy? - Yeah. Mr. Roth, I have one simple request: Stay away from my daughter. Absolutely. I hurt her feelings and don't want it to end like that. It's gonna end like this. Calm down, little fellow. I'm gonna kill you! You're a dead man. Okay, I'm calm. I'm calm. - Let me help you up. - I got it! I got it. It's just Dad and I work too hard to protect Lucy to let some idiot ruin it. I know what you guys do and I totally respect that. If you know her condition, you know she can't have a normal relationship. The next morning, she won't know who he is. And any guy who's okay with that... ...ain't okay with me. - I'm not looking for a one-night stand. - Anything with Lucy is, numb-nuts. Give us a eak. Just stay away from the Hukilau Cafe. My daughter's been through enough. Okay. I'm sorry. I could have whooped his ass, but this gravel, I slipped on it... Yeah, well, maybe you need to do a few more butt flexes. Cheap shot, Dad. So fresh and so clean. Hey, Alexa, did you hook up with that girl from the bar? - I chickened out. - Really? Yeah, I don't know. I guess I prefer sausage to taco. - What? - Yeah. No, I agree, buddy. Get out of here. Run for the hills. Let me ask you something, Alexa. If you promised a girl's dad that you wouldn't see her... ...would you consider that a binding promise? - Absolutely. - Yeah? Then again, there are always ways around such things. - Like? - For example... ...if I promised a woman's father I would not see her... ...I would simply shut my eyes while she serviced my manhood. That's actually a cool way to look at it. And a very gross way. He asked me not to go to the Hukilau. I'm not going there. I'm not doing anything wrong. Sorry to bother you. I'm kind of stuck here. - Car trouble? - Yeah. You mind giving me a jump? Okay. Appreciate your time. Not everybody would have stopped. - You're real sweet. - Oh, yeah. Thank you. I can't believe you fell for that. Well, my grandfather died trying to jump-start a car. I'm sorry. I was just joking around. I can't believe you fell for that! Oh, my God. That was very good. - My name's Henry. - I'm Lucy. Nice to meet you. You look like a nice... Hi. Sorry for the delay. Should be a few minutes. - No problem. No worries. - Where you coming from? Breakfast? - Yeah. - How was it? I had waffles. They were delicious. I like making little houses out of waffles. - You do? - That's my thing. - What's your name? - Lucy. Hi, I'm Henry. Okay, pal. When she stops, just let her pet you. Look cute. Go to the middle of the road. Thank you. Right there. Perfect. - Oh, shit. - Here she comes. Smile. Where is she? Oh, my God. Oh, no! Okay. That didn't work. Shit your pants? So did I. Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good. Give me your wallet! Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island... ...eat our pineapple... - Help me! Not so hard. - Take it easy. - Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room. Okay. What's that have to do with this? Relax. - Hey! Hey! Help me, please! - Stupid haole! Yeah, that's right. Take that! And that! And that! And that! And that! You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough. - Are you okay? - Yes, yes... Okay, I'll be back. Come here! No, no! I think he's had enough. I'm sorry. My eye! - You got him! - Not good enough! Oh, Kamehameha! He learned his lesson! - What's your name? - My name's Henry. - You did good. - Hi. Sorry. I'm in a community-watch program... Oh, you crazy bitch! Yeah, keep running! Okay, okay, he's... He's gone now. Not her. False alarm. Don't worry, I called the cops already. I'm all set. Yeah? You all set for this, Mr. Smarty? - Oh, shit. - Yeah. When you're finished playing your kidnap-victim crap on my daughter... ...come by the house. Okay. Oh, boy. There's something I wanna show you. We figured it out. She only sings on days she meets you. You're kidding me. That song? That's Mom and Dad's song. When her mom was alive, Lucy would have me take that tape... ...on every fishing trip I went on. - Oh, yeah? Yeah, she knew it would make me miss her mom... ...and want to come home sooner. I'm seeing a new side to you, sir. I gotta tell you, it's grossing me out. Let me ask you something. What's in it for you? What do you get out of this? I don't know. Wouldn't you want to spend an hour a day with that? Actually, no. She sings like shit. - What? - Can I ask you guys something? What'll happen down the line? Someday she'll wake up... ...look in the mirror and notice she aged 10 years overnight. You know something, Henry? I worry about that every damn day of my life. Pardon me. Sorry to interrupt, but I noticed we were both eating alone... ...and I thought I could sit with you, maybe build a syrup Jacuzzi... ...for your waffle house? - Oh, that would be nice... ...but I have a boyfriend. So I'm sorry. You're making up a boyfriend to get rid of me? No, I'm not. What's his name, then? Ringo. Is his last name Starr? - No. McCartney. - McCartney, okay. - Oh, no. - All right. I'm sorry. No! This cop is writing me a ticket! Oh, whoa, whoa. I wouldn't go out there. - Wait, wait, wait! - Go on! I'm coming. The tags don't expire for seven months. - They expired May of this year. - No! No, no! They expire May of next year. I think there's been a misunderstanding. - I don't. - This is ridiculous. I'm not paying for this! It's October! Excuse me. Can I borrow this? Look, October! Lucy, let's go back inside. What? What? Having a bad day, Doug! Sweetheart... ...these are from the accident. Oh, no! I can feel it. You were in the hospital for three months, sweetheart. I have to talk to this doctor. I need to hear it from him. You have heard it, sweetie. Many times. I have? I'll take her. I have to hear for myself too. Doug, just take this, okay? I can't... I can't look at it anymore. - It's gonna be all right, Luce. - Don't call me Luce. I barely know you. Sweetie, you're sort of dating him. Sorry I'm not better-looking. What else happened since last October? - What about my students? - Miss Campbell took over your class. - Did Alicia marry that guy? - Yeah. Doug, did you win the Mr. Hawaii contest? I didn't know there was gonna be a urine test. Wow. Do we have sex? No, we don't. Just so everybody knows that. We want to. Just kidding. So you guys have to just lie to me every day. Hey, Lucy. Good to see you again. What the hell's her problem? She doesn't remember who you are, ah. Oh, yeah. I suck at this job. Lucy, these are your ain scans here. I'm afraid they show no improvement. The temporal lobe was severely damaged. What we believe is scar tissue here is impairing your ability... ...to convert short-term memory into long-term memory while you sleep. The condition's come to be known as Goldfield Syndrome. - Who's Goldfield? - A illiant Lithuanian psychiatrist. He himself suffered temporal-lobe damage. Took him four years to publish his findings... ...because he had to keep starting over from scratch. Obviously, your sense of humor is still intact, and that's here. Magnificent amygdala as well. - Doctor, I have a question. - I'd be happy to answer it... ...but as I've told you before, this is a hygienic facility. Shirts are required. - Oh, okay. - Nice move. Listen, doctor, this... ...friend of mine's been experimenting a little with steroids. He's been having a lot of wet dreams. Could there be a connection between them? Douglas, get off the juice. As for the nocturnal emissions, why don't you take a swim... ...buy a shirt with no holes, find a wahine and take her to dinner. I'll tell my friend you said so. In any case, Lucy, your condition is stable... ...but most likely permanent. I'm so sorry, dear. But it could be worse. Yeah? How? I think you should meet Ten Second Tom. Callahan Institute is the leading ain-injury clinic in the Pacific Rim. We are funded out of Sandusky, Ohio by T.B. Callahan... ...the automotive-components tycoon and philanthropist. And now, I would like to introduce to you... ...our most distinguished clinical subject... ...Tom. - Hi. I'm Tom. - Henry. - Marlin. - Doug. - Lucy. - Hi. Cool flip-flops. Where'd you get them? You like those? It's interesting. I was on the North Shore... Hi, I'm Tom. - Henry. - Hi. - Marlin. - Tom lost part of his ain... ...in a hunting accident. His memory lasts 10 seconds. I was in an accident? That's terrible. Don't worry. You'll get over it in seconds. Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the ain...? - Hi, I'm Tom. - Hi, I'm Lucy. - Hi. - Doug. - Hey. - Marlin. Hey, Tom, can I tell you a secret? Don't you think you're a little old to still have wet dreams? - They liked that. - Hi, I'm Tom. - Yeah, watch yourself, Tom. - Easy. - I'm gonna go to sleep. - All right. Good night. Good night, you guys. I'll see you tomorrow. - And I guess I'll see you too? - Oh, yeah. You had a rough day today. I'm sorry. I hope you get some rest tonight. Okay. Good night. So how you getting home? - You gonna take the Likelike or... - Hey. Thank you for being so nice to me today. - Sure. - I don't want you to... ...strike out tomorrow. So maybe you could talk to me about... ...lilies. Lilies? I'm a sucker for lilies. Thanks for the tip. Good night. My, oh, my. - Lover-boy. - Yes, sir. You don't have to rush off. Stick around. You've earned yourself a couple beers. So what'll you do when you finish the boat? Actually, I'm going on a trip soon... ...to study undersea Pacific walrus behaviors. Sounds kind of fruity. - Thank you. - How long is it gonna take? About a year. Guess you won't miss days like this. Well, maybe days like this don't have to be so bad. What are you trying to say? When you guys tell her... ...she's not just finding out about the accident. She's finding out that her life is basically a setup. I think that freaks her out the most. - You're an expert now? - No. I'm saying I wish there was another way besides: Sorry we couldn't trick you today. Here's pictures of your oken head. - You want a oken head? - You'll give him one? No, Daddy, I thought you was gonna do it. Nobody's gotta eak my head. I'm gonna split anyways. Oh, don't go just because my son is psychotic. Good night. Sweet dreams. Keep them dry there, Doug. Very funny. - Excuse me. Lucy Whitmore? - Yes? I have a delivery for you. - A delivery for me? - Yes. Oh, they're beautiful. - Who are they from? - That I can't tell you. It's a secret admirer. He also wants you to have this. - Who's your friend, Lucy? - Oh, well, I mean, I don't know. We just met, but look. I have a secret admirer. Oh, really? What's this? It's a videotape. A videotape of what? I have no idea. But I have to find out. Happy birthday, Daddy. - Thank you, sweetie. - That's right. Happy birthday, sir. - What are you, 200 today? - That's cute. - What are you doing? - I wanted to try something different. If it doesn't work, we've only wasted one day. Martha Stewart faced charges... Oh, God! Okay, I think it's on. Go. Go. Aloha! I'm Henry Roth. We met here at the Hukilau Cafe about a year after your accident. I like you and you like me, most days. Every day is different, but basically this is what happens, Lucy. Kikikoloko, take the camera. - I got it. - Don't drop it. Okay, all right. Here we are, right here. The part of you in this reenactment... ...will be played by my good friend, Ula. Aloha. Sorry about your ain. I had a accident too. Believe it or not, this my good eye. - We ready? - Yeah. Hi. I like that waffle teepee that you have built. Oh! So nice of you to notice. Please, sit down. I would love to. My name is Henry, by the way. My name is Lucy. Smell my fingers? Fish. Right on. So, Lucy, I work at an aquarium. Aquariums make me super horny. That's not funny. Don't rub those. Sorry, Mr. Whitmore, if you're watching. It's very late, and my friend's unstable. Come on, stop with the licking! You're making me sick. Lucy, I'm sorry. Anyways, I know you wish I was making all this stuff up. I wish I was too. But the good news is... ...so many people out there care about you: Your dad and Doug and a couple of your friends here at the Hukilau... ...who have a message for you. Lucy, as you know, your mother and I were best friends. That's why I promised her that I would always help look after you. Sometimes life isn't very fair... ...but we still have you. Oh, and if you're wondering about this guy who's making this tape... ...he's okay. Hey, Lucy. Just so you know, since you lost your memory... ...I became governor of Hawaii. No, just kidding. I'm too smart. Kualaliku! Get your other off the dishwasher! So whenever you're ready, we'd all love to talk to you... ...and answer any questions you have... ...and you're the best, Lucy. Aloha. How many times have I watched this? This is the first time. Okay, she cried for about an hour. That's not too bad. I bet in another hour she'll be ready to see her friends, have lunch... ...get her life back. We could do this every day. We'll leave it up to her. All right. So how's the cow? Same as you. Every day they have to convince her she's a cow. Wow, look. The bark is healing. You're gonna get there. I never hung out with you in the afternoon like this. In this lighting, man, oh, man, you look... ...disgusting. Yeah. I don't know how you get me to fall for that egg-shaped head every morning. All I have to do is slide on my designer jeans... ...and just kind of wiggle in front of you. You go nuts. Why couldn't I have met you one day before the accident? Don't worry, because if you hung out with me for more than one day... ...you'd realize I'm a bore. - Oh, well, I have news for you. - Yes? It takes less than one day. You know something? That hurt. Your damaged temporal lobe is causing me pain... ...and I'm gonna get you for that. Now you're dead! - I can't believe you're pregnant. - I know. - And I got her on the first try. - Yeah. Easy. And, Tammy, you are so thin. Thanks, Luce. And I'm so glad you finally got... ...that gender-reassignment surgery, Jennifer. I mean, Jonathan. Mahalo. - Here you go, Lucy. - Thank you. - You're welcome. - You must be Lucy's friend. - The one who made the tape. - I think he's more than my friend. - You're my boyfriend, right? - Yes, ma'am. So every day you help her to realize what happened... ...and you wait patiently for her to be okay with it... ...then get her to fall in love with you again? Yes, ma'am. You asshole! You don't even open the fricking car door for me anymore. You're in trouble. I gotta go tinkle. Okay, so tell me a little bit more about yourself. Okay. Well, I've... ...won over seven all-you-can-eat chicken-wing contests. - Really? - Yes. And I'm a ballet dancer, but only in my bathroom. No, what do you want to know? Do you love me? I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I was just asking more for informational purposes. It's to keep the video as up-to-date as possible. Sure. Well, love is a very loaded word. Let's see. I... I go to this restaurant every morning, and I see you there, reading. And... I love you very much. Probably more than anybody could love another person. And how do I feel about you? You're excited about the chicken-wing thing. And... ...you've been dying to make out with me for some time now. Feeling better now? Nothing beats a first kiss. There's nothing like a first kiss. Nothing beats a first kiss. That's what I've heard. Nothing beats a first... What are you doing? Nothing. I was just getting some lint off for you. You were going for a feelski! All right, I'm sorry, but this is like the 23rd time we've made out already... ...and they're getting blue. I know. I know. I mean, I really don't know. For me, it still feels like the first time. Okay, let's average it out then. It's the 23rd time for me and the first time for you. - That's about our 12th time. - Yeah? Now, Hawaiian law clearly states after the 12th date... ...I'm entitled to unlimited boob access. Why didn't I meet you one day before the accident? You say that all the time. You want to meet a friend of mine? All right. Jocko, this is Lucy. Lucy, this is Jocko. Wow! Thank you. Nice to meet you. He is awesome! He is so smart. Check this out. Jocko, what does the teapot do when the water's ready? - Very good. - Can I ask him a question? Go ahead. Jocko... ...do you think that Henry and I are ready to take our relationship... ...to the next level? You sure about that? Do you think I should ing him into the other room... ...and take advantage of him? I saw that hand gesture. - And I'm glad you did it. - Really? - Use that. - Oh, wow. Look! - Yeah. - They're... They're nodding in approval, I hope. They like you. Let me get them out of there. Mary-Kate, Ashley, get a life. Thank you. Sorry. - Oh, they're very nice, though. - Yeah, so are you. Let me get you down slow. - Thank you. - My pleasure. All right, I just wrote this, so go easy on me. The Hukilau was the place Where I first saw your face We liked each other right away But you didn't remember me The very next day Forgetful Lucy Has got a nice caboose-y I used to trick you into pulling Your car over so we could chat But my favorite time was when you Beat the shit out of Ula with a bat And we drove up to see Dr. Keats And found out why Doug always Has to change his sheets Forgetful Lucy Cracked her head like Gary Busey But I still love her so And I'll never let her go Even if while I'm singing this song She's wishing I had Jocko the Walrus' schlong Forgetful Lucy Her lips are so damn juicy How about another first kiss Can't fall asleep. I'm not sleeping. I'm just closing my eyes. Well, I'm gonna go downstairs then. No, no. I'm just resting. Lucy. Yeah. Will you marry me? - Of course. - Good. Don't forget about me. Never. Good morning. Oh, shit! - Help! Help! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lucy. Lucy! Lucy! Hey, hey, hey. I know this is hard for you to understand... ...but we are actually seeing each other. We have been for a while now. Oh! Lucy! Lucy! Lucy! If I was lying, how would I know this? You're an art teacher and you go to the Hukilau every Sunday... ...and you make waffle houses and you like Casablanca lilies. - Stalker! - No, don't you remember me a little? I may not be able to kick your ass, but my sister can. Thanks, buddy. Little Sammy Sosa's a bit shook up, but she'll be okay. She's watching the tape as we speak. How's my temporal lobe looking there, doc? Don't worry. You're not gonna suffer any short-term memory loss. But was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you? Don't make fun of Henry. It's not his fault it's shaped like that. Note the intense overreaction. That's the roids talking. - Doug, once again, off the juice. - It's not juice. It's a protein shake. Henry, the boys tell me you're setting sail for Alaska to study walruses. - When does that adventure begin? - That actually began... ...ten years ago. That's when I started planning and building my boat. All I know is, out of all mammals, they have the second-largest penis. I have the first. That's my joke. Did you tell Lucy about this trip? Well... ...actually, there's nothing to tell because I decided not to go. I mean, Lucy needs me here. I'm just worried about going away for a year... ...and ruining all the progress she's made. I know you think I'm crazy... ...but I think deep down inside... ...she's starting to remember me. - No, Henry. That's what you want to believe. It's what we all want to believe. But it's never gonna happen. Okay. I gotta go to work. Will you tell her I'll be back later to pick her up? See you, guys. Don't tell anyone your sister beat me up. He could go to the moon and back and Lucy would never even know he left. Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome. That way she wouldn't remember when I called her mother... ...a loud, obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoover's ass. All right. There's your medicine, little fellow. Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! If that's one of your special ownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that. How do you think I get them to double flip and play with white kids? Okay, Willie, that's it. This time try to stay clean for more than a day. I made you a nice anchovy sundae. Okay, enjoy that. Henry? - Hey! - How's your head? - Oh, it's fine. Don't worry. - Good. What ings your royal cuteness out here? I needed to see you. Okay. What you got there? It's my journal. I write in it every night. - Oh, you don't like the video? - No, I love it. It's just sometimes when I watch it, I feel like I'm being told about my life... ...from someone else. And when I read this... ...it's like I'm telling myself. When did you start this up? Right after you gave me the video. - Really? - I was so nervous to come here... ...and meet the guy that makes me fall in love with him every day. Well, you probably thought I couldn't live up to the hype. No. I was nervous because... Because I came here to eak up with you. You had plans and a life... ...before you met me and now all you have time for... ...is to make me fall in love with you. That's not all I do. I gave a penguin a bath today. Which I'll have to do again tomorrow. I look at my dad and my other's lives and I won't do that to you. What do you want me to do? Be some chapter in your scrapbook and go? No. My plan is to erase you completely, so it's as if you never existed. Why are you doing this? Because you have to understand that there is no future with me. Don't you want to have a career and marriage and children? I asked you to marry me. You said yes. Kids? Yeah, I'd love to do it. But how is that going to work? I'm gonna wake up every morning with an enormous belly and no memory... ...of how it happened? I have to make a new journal that doesn't have you in it. But before I do... ...I really want you to read what I wrote about you. I will read about it tomorrow... ...when you forget about all this eaking up stuff, okay? I'm not going to forget it. I wrote it down. I won't let myself. And I'm gonna do it whether you want me to or not. I'll be at my house. Okay, type this one in there. Saturday, November 25th. I drove out to Callahan Institute today and had a talk with Dr. Keats. There's one about me. He makes funny noises when I kiss his neck. I'm gonna miss that. You sure you don't want me to put that in? - We can skip that one. - No, let me read it. We made love tonight! It didn't last long, but it was incredible. It's not all about how long you go. It's... There was a connection, I thought. Actually, let's just rip that out. Well, that's that. Henry, wait! Could I have one last first kiss? - I ain't gonna do this, Marlin. - You have to, Henry. I'm gonna miss you, but I gotta get the hell off this island. I'm sorry I can't take you... ...but you've lived here so long you're too big of a pansy to defend yourself. I don't feel bad for you. I know you got a thing going on with Candace. Candace and Bernice? Candace, Bernice and Rose? Yeah. I fell for one chick and I'm losing my mind. Good luck with that. Okay, baby. I love you. Thanks, buddy. Remember to use a condom. Or in your case, a Hefty bag. Well... Okay, you guys. Thanks for coming to say goodbye. Be careful. You make sure your father doesn't get eaten by a shark. Thank you, buddy. What does that mean again? Bring me back a T-shirt. Oh, okay. You got it. Come here. All right. Love you guys. My shirt size is medium husky. Hey! Kikikuloa! No flippies off the dock! You could get hurt! No! All right. Let the master show you how to get it done. Now you kids go down there and find my nuts. Sure you don't want to take Doug? Hey! What the heck are you guys doing here? I spoke to the harbormaster and he said you were setting sail today... ...so we thought we'd wish you bon voyage. This is from Nick and Sue. They send their best wishes. That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right. I love Spam and Reese's. Can I have it? I guess. - Doug! - That's all right. - I'm sorry. - So... ...how's Lucy? Actually, she's living at the institute. - When did that happen? - Three weeks ago. Said she didn't want to be a burden to me and Doug anymore. I don't know. I couldn't talk her out of it. You know what? She's doing really great up there. She's teaching an art class and she gets to paint every day. In fact, she's even singing again. Hey, look, I got a little gift for you too. It's just a little something from one sailor to another one. You take care of yourself out there. - I will. - Okay. Henry did not tell me about you. Your fisherman muscles. Can I touch? Sure. Yes. The Beach Boys? How nice of him to give me a CD that will remind me... ...of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter. What an asshole! Oh, why? Why would you do this to me? You sick bastard! Oh, my God. Is he trying to tell me something? She only sings on days she meets you. She remembers me? Holy shit! She remembers me! Julia, that looks great. Excuse me. What am I doing? You're painting a picture. And you're doing an excellent job. Oh. Holy crap! I suck. Hey, hey, hey. - Can we help you, sir? - Yes. I have an appointment. - What's your name? - My name? Dude, he forgot his name. I feel bad for him. Just go on up. And good luck with that memory problem. Yeah. Thank you. What? Lucy! Lucy! - Hi, I'm Tom. - Hey, I met you before. I'm Henry. Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for Lucy Whitmore. Any idea where I can find her? Hi, I'm Tom. Oh. Thanks anyways. Lucy! Lucy! Lucy Whitmore... ...can I ask you a question? Do you have any idea who I am? - No. - No? That sucks. - What's your name? - I'm Henry. Henry. I want to show you something. Will you come with me? Well, yeah. Hey. Do you know who that guy is? Dude, I don't even know who I am. Oh, well, you're Pablo Picasso. - Really? - No. Not really. This is my studio. I don't know who you are, Henry... ...but I dream about you almost every night. Why? What would you say if I told you that notebook you read every day... ...used to have a lot of stuff about me in it? I would say that that makes a lot of sense. You erased me from your memories... ...because you thought you were holding me back from having... ...a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams... ...and apparently I'm the man of yours. Henry. It's nice to meet you. Lucy, it's nice to meet you too. Hi, I'm Tom. Henry, Lucy. Nice to meet you, Tom. Now why don't you come back in ten seconds so we can meet again? Do you, Honah Lee, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife... ...to have and to hold from this day forth... ...as long as you both shall live? - I do. - Really? Even though in, like, 10, 15 years... ...she could possibly let herself go and then, like... ...sex could be, like, nauseating for you? What are you, nuts? Your wife's right over there. I'm just kidding, Muumuu! I now pronounce you man and wife. Mazel tov! It's very cold, so when you're ready... ...put on a jacket and come have eakfast with me. Love you. Hey, hey! Good morning, Mrs. Roth. Would you like to meet your daughter? Go say hello to Mommy. Hi, Mommy. That's right. Good morning. Oh, my goodness! - Grandpa's here. - Hi, Dad.

Cheers! Excellent. Let's drink until we drop. Save something for your wife. Are you kidding? Alcohol revives me. The later it gets, the hornier I get. Another glass. A little sip. Tell me, Jane... What year are you in? 4th year. A senior should know better. What are you doing with Tun? He's a hunk. You keep saying that. Making Jim ask for girl's numbers. Then eaking their hearts. Speaking of oken hearts... Remember the time... that girl left him a drunken mess. Her name was Kay. Ignore them. Wait. I have a question. How can a guy like you get married? What's wrong with me? After a long tiring day... I want to head home... to a wife's em ace or a pet's face. Not waste my life... partying with you losers. Not with me. A good man... who went whoring with me last night. Fooling around so soon? Here she comes. Quiet. What's so funny? Nothing. One last thing... One more glass! What are we listening to? Don't turn it off. It's beautiful. You guys seem tight. Do you meet often? What are you looking at? Beautiful you. What a sap. Are you hurt? Tun... Is she dead? Wait! Drive away. I said drive away! Drive away! Get closer, please. Okay. Big smile, Nuch. Or you won't look pretty. All Science Majors... gather for a class photo. They're calling you. Where's Jane? Taking photos with her friends. I though maybe you oke up. Come! Let's go. I phoned but you didn't pick up. Was it on silent? Nuch asked about you today. When will you be free? She wants to... Jane. How can you act like this? Pretending nothing happened. Since that night... I haven't slept soundly. I'm upset as well. At least we should have checked. It was an accident. That's easy for you to say. You weren't behind the wheel. - Hi, Ti. - Hey. How's business? With you here this early... business should be bad. Are my prints ready? Yeah. Just a sec. Here. Is your processor oken? Let's see. The nerve. Nice prints and you're great. If they suck, it's my fault. Let's check the negative. No way. I took them. I should know. We'll see. See. Your negative are bad. Tun. Tun. Tun. Can you hear me? Help! Help! Don't be scared. I'm here now. What's wrong with your camera? I don't' know. The whole roll is ruined. That many? What are these shadows? My camera must be oken. How should I tell Nuch? Tun... Look at this picture. That woman... Do you think she's dead? That's enough. I'll have my camera fixed tomorrow. Tun... Look at this picture. Are you sure it was here? Excuse me. What happened? A few days ago a car hit the billboard. Must have been drunk. Was anyone hurt? No. Just the oken sign. Are you sure? What? Nothing. Thank you. What? You sure you checked everywhere? Nothing. Thanks anyways. He called every precinct and hospital. No accidents were reported that night. That's not possible. What about the girl we hit? You sure he called every one? Maybe someone helped her. Maybe she's fine. How could she be fine? We ploughed her down. And even if she's fine... Something is in those pictures. I told you they're not related to her. They're just bad exposures. Get it? Tun... You need to make some merit. These pictures... show that a spirit is haunting you. How long have you been a photographer? Why are you showing me these? I know... But don't you find these shadows strange? You want to see spirits? I'll show you some. Here. Auntie Cham's spirit. You know where she is now? She's selling grilled bananas next door. Here's Auntie Cham. And here. All Auntie Cham. Taken on the same day. They're just double exposures... and out of focus. Come on. I know that. Everyone is familiar with this place. Just an ordinary location... that we pass... and see everyday. Now look at these pictures... taken of the same place. In these... the idge looks nicer. That means photography... does not reproduce reality. It depends on how... the image is framed. What is revealed. What is concealed. Your perspective is critical. Special Spirit Pictures Jane, you're early. I'll get it. - Hello? - Hello, Tun. It's Jane. I'll come by later. Hello? Tun, can you hear me? Hello? Tun! Tun! Hello? Hello? What's wrong? I don't' know. My neck's hurt since the accident. You should go see a doctor. I'm sure it's not serious. What's the use of talking to these spoofs? Real Ghosts Are you a reporter? No. The funeral foundation sent us. We run a legal operation. We have all the right permits. Excuse me. Are all these pictures fakes? Piak! Tell the boss he has guests. Everyone fakes them. You know... these photos are always a hit. Any issue with them sells out. But you think... we can always find real ones? Isn't that deceiving the public? Our readers... want to see scary photos. They don't want loves stories. Does that mean every photo is fake? I didn't say that. Take a look. See anything? This is the first photo I had. I took it at home. The shadow... bears a likeness to my mom. Believe what you will. But this picture... was taken after she passed away. You know... sometimes... spirits long for their loved ones. In my opinion... these pictures... represent more than... maca e urban legends. They are signs. Think about it. Why would the dead... return to the living... Without a message to convey? Most importantly... I believe... these shadows... are related to someone in the picture. A father... mother... or lover. Or someone... you maligned in life. How can we tell if they're real... and not fakes? What about Polaroid's? Can you fake them? You load the film and press the shutter. The photo ejects. Tell me then... How can they be faked? How do we know what they want? Perhaps... the answer is in the photo. Two more poses. Big smiles. Let's have a different pose. Em ace her, hold the bouquet... and kiss her cheek. Beautiful. We're done. Thank you both. Take them to the dressing room. What the... Who's doing that? Aum, check the fuse! Hey! Aum! Aum! Who's doing that? Is it you, Aum? Who is it? Aum, where are you? Who's there! I asked who it is! Where are you, Aum? Who's there! Please step off the scale. Step on it again. Been working hard lately? Not really. How long has it hurt? For quite awhile. But it's gotten worse lately. I had a car accident. An accident? Physically, you're fine. You shouldn't worry. But it really hurts. Your x-rays are normal. It may be a sprain. Try the medicine I prescribed. Mr. Tun, please pick up your prescription. Take this medicine... 3 times a day after meals... until the prescription runs out. Lying bastard. Pardon? Yes? Nothing. Lying bastard. Lying bastard. As for this medicine... Sir! What's wrong? ...is rarely seen. When grasshoppers begin mating... the male smells the female... from a distance up to 100 meters. The male carefully approaches the female. It hooks itself onto her belly. And they begin to mate. The female's response is surprising. The male becomes her prey. She slowly eats off his head... while they are mating. Eventually... the male succumbs to death. Excuse me, where is Room 301? Jane. Jane. Jane. Who's there? Tonn... What's wrong? Tun... I'm going to die. What's going on? The photos... Bring me those photos. What photos? Are you drunk? Those photos... Where did you hide them? Give them to me. Remember that bitch. Calm down. What photos? Just give them to me! Please calm down. Tonn, calm down. What photos? Tonn. I'll call your wife. What are you doing? Cleaning up. Your neck still sore? Yeah. Take it easy. Don't work so much. Natrenapa Chan-ngam, Honor Society 1995 Tonn. It's Tun. Are you home? Tonn. Are you home? Tonn. Natrenapa Chan-ngam Tonn! Tonn! Tonn! Tonn! I'm really sorry. Do you know... What was bothering him? No. Suddenly he... It's your gang's fault. Have you all gone insane? What do you mean? You've all committed suicide. Who? Don't you know? The other two... also killed themselves. Which two? The two who sat next to you. Who's this woman? Where did you get that? She's the shadow in the photos, right? Who is she? How is she related to you? I knew her in college. Her name is Natre. She was a quiet person... without any friends. We all thought she was weird. I felt sorry for her. We dated but I kept it secret. She loved me a lot. She threatened to slit her wrists. I didn't know what to do. My friends thought it was funny. How were they involved? Why are they dead? They... What did they do? I don't know. Tonn said he'd take care of it. After that, Natre disappeared. I never saw her again. Didn't you try to stop them? How could you let it happen? What could I do? Now everyone is dead. I'm... I'm going to die next. It's funny how... we always say... if we could turn back time... we... we would reverse all our wrongs. Do you think she's okay? Will she be there? Go to sleep. I'll keep you company tonight. Excuse me. Do you have any toilet paper? Can I poo first? I'm sorry. What's bothering you? Tun. What's wrong? What is it? Is it around here? Excuse me. Do you know where this is? Mom, where is this house? Ma'am. Excuse me... Is this Natre's house? What do you want? Well... We're her friends. Natre's friends? Come inside. Have some water. You must be tired. Did you drive from Bangkok? Yes. We'd like to ask about Natre. She's not feeling well. She's taking a nap. Should I wake her? Stay for dinner. I was about to cook. I'm making her favourite dish. Natre will be so happy. Her friends don't visit often. Wait right here. Where are you going? How dare you? Did she commit suicide? We should cremate her. No. I won't cremate her. Ma'am... I don't know if you believe such things... but I'd like you to look at these photos. They were taken around campus. Some of the places... were rooms Natre had been in. And these shadows appeared I think that... Natre's spirit is restless. Natre... My dear Natre. Why don't you visit me? Can you tell me what happened? Why she left Bangkok? Ma'am... Ma'am. These shadows... might mean her spirit is not at peace. We should hold her funeral. Please. When she came home... she seemed different. She wouldn't talk to anyone. No one knows what happened in Bangkok. Then she overdosed on pills. Luckily, her mother found her... and got her to the hospital on time. When she recovered... she climbed on the hospital roof... and jumped off the edge. Why wouldn't her mom cremate her? She's been distraught ever since Natre's death. No matter what she refused to cremate her. All the villagers were scared. No one wanted to socialize with her. Can't sleep? Tell me the truth... Did you love Natre? I tried to... I believed that one day I would. But I was fooling myself. When I oke it off... I was a total asshole. But she still loved me the same. I want this to be over. If she wants me to die I will. Don't say that. It's almost over. No it's not. I know she'll come for me. Tun. We've come this far. And you're sorry for what you did. I'm sure she knows. Don't talk about death anymore. I'm sorry. Do you still love me? No matter what you won't leave me, right? Jane. Tun... Jane... Where did you go? Why did you leave me alone? We've got to leave. Asshole! Why did you leave me? Didn't you love me? How could you leave me? How could you leave me? Tun... Are you feeling better? What happened last night? Tun... Jane... Jane... The abbot said... Natre will be cremated today. It's over. - Hello. - Hello, Jane. Picking up photos? Where's Tun? He's busy. Good. When he's busy... I get to see you. You went on vacation? To the beach. When did you go? Last week. This photo is... What's wrong? You look fatter. I didn't recognize you. Hi. Jumbo prints. Write you name, please. Get her guys! Jane... Why are you crying? Asshole... How could you be so cruel? Where did you find these? If I didn't find them... I'd be a fool forever, right? Let me explain. What's there to say? I always believed you. I thought I knew you. Tun. Take her picture... so she doesn't blab. Tun, help me. I know it was wrong. Take her picture now! What's wrong! I'm your buddy! Hurry! Tun, help me. I never forgave myself. But I was young and stupid. I've heard enough. I'm going home. Come on out! Where are you? I thought you loved me! Loved me so much! Till death do us part! She's gone now. Sometimes... spirits long for their loved ones.

- You're looking good, Dutch. - It's been a long time, General. Come on inside. 18 hours ago, we lost a chopper... carrying a cabinet minister and his aide... ...from this charming little country. We've got a transponder fixed on their position... about here. This cabinet minister, does he always travel on the wrong side of the border? Apparently, they strayed off course. We're fairly certain they're in guerrilla hands. So why don't you use the regular army? What do you need us for? Cos some damn fool accused you of being the best. Dillon! You son of a bitch! What's the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils? Huh? - Had enough? - Make it easy on yourself, Dutch. OK! OK! OK! - Never did know when to quit. - Damn good to see you, Dutch. - What is this fucking tie business? - Forget about my tie, man. I heard about that job you pulled off in Berlin. Very nice, Dutch. - Good old days. - Yeah, like the good old days. - Then how come you passed on Libya? - That wasn't my style. You got no style, Dutch. You know that. Come on. Why'd you pass? We're a rescue team, not assassins. Now, what we gotta do? That cabinet minister is important to our scope of operations. A couple of our friends are about to get squeezed and we can't let that happen. We need the best. That's why you're here. - Go on. - Simple setup. One-day operation. We pick up their trail at the chopper, grab those hostages, and bounce back. - What do you mean, we? - I'm goin' in with you, Dutch. General, my team always works alone. You know that. I'm afraid we all have our orders, Major. Once you reach your objective, Dillon will evaluate the situation and take charge. Gonna tell Aunt Mary about Uncle John He claims he has the misery, but he has a lot of fun Oh, baby Yeah, baby Havin' me some fun tonight Yeah Well, long tall Sally, she's built for speed, she got... Yeah, OK. Oh, baby Yeah, baby Whoo, baby Havin' me some fun tonight Yeah Well, I saw Uncle John with bald headed Sally He saw Aunt Mary comin' and he ducked back in the alley Oh, baby Yeah, baby Whoo, baby Havin' me some fun tonight Yeah, ow! Delta One-Zero to Two Leader. Rendezvous points and radio freqs are indicated and fixed. - AWACS contact on four-hour intervals. - Who's our backup? No such thing, old buddy. This is a one-way ticket. Once we cross that border, we're on our own. This is getting better by the minute. Oh, baby Yeah, baby Whoo, baby Havin' me some fun tonight Yeah Well, long tall Sally, she's built for speed Hey, Billy. Billy! The other day I went up to my girlfriend. I said... ...You know, I'd like a little pussy. She said, Me, too. Mine's as big as a house! You see, she wanted a littler one cos hers was... He saw Aunt Mary comin' and he ducked back in the alley ...big as a house. Whoo, baby Havin' me some fun tonight Get that stinkin' shit out of my face. Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here! This stuff'll make you a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus... ...just like me. Strap this on your sore ass, Blain. That was in '72. Me and Dutch both got one. Well, long tall Sally, she's built for speed, she got Everything that Uncle John need Oh, baby Yeah, baby Whoo, baby Havin' me some fun tonight Yeah Well, I saw Uncle John with bald headed Sally He saw Aunt Mary comin'... That's a real nasty habit you got there. Yeah, baby Whoo, baby Right. Gonna have some fun tonight, whoo Have some fun tonight You got it, Leader. Never knew how much I missed this, Dutch. You never were that smart. Hawkins, you're up. Lines away. The pilots have been shot in the head. Whoever hit it stripped the shit out of it. - Took 'em out with a heat seeker. - There's something else, Major. This is no ordinary army taxi. It looks more like a surveillance bird to me. - Pick up the trail yet? - Billy's on it. Heat seeker, Dillon. Pretty sophisticated for a bunch of half-assed mountain boys. I guess they're getting better equipped every day. There were 12 guerrillas. They took the two men from the helicopter, but there's something else. - What do you mean? - Six men wearing US-issued army boots. They came in from the north, and then they followed the guerrillas. Mean anything to you? Probably just another rebel patrol. They operate in here all the time. - Get ahead and see what you can find. - Yes, sir. What's he got? Same business. Guerrillas hauling two guys from the chopper... ...followed by men with American equipment. Do you remember Afghanistan? Trying to forget it. Come on. Let's go. Holy mother of God. Jim Hopper. Mac, cut 'em down. I knew these men. Green Berets out of Fort Bragg. What the hell were they doing here? I don't know, Dutch. This is inhuman. Nobody told me there was an operation in this area. - They shouldn't have been here. - Well, somebody sent them. The guerrillas skinned them? Why did they skin them? Ain't no way for no soldier to die. - What happened here, Billy? - Strange, Major. There was a firefight. They were shooting in all directions. I can't believe Hopper walked into an ambush. I don't believe he did. I can't find a single track. - It just doesn't make sense. - What about the rest of Hopper's men? There's no sign, sir. They never left here. Hell, it's like they just disappeared. Stick with the guerrilla trail. Let's get the hostages. We move, five-metre spread. No sound. It's time to let old painless out the bag. Payback time. You're ghostin' us, motherfucker. I don't care who you are back in the world. You give our position one more time, I'll bleed you, real quiet, and leave you here. Got that? Fuck you. He killed one of the hostages. We move. Mac, Blain - the nest. Billy, Poncho - the guard. Hawkins, Dillon - backup. As soon as they're set, I hit the fuel dump. One down. What the hell's he doin'? What the fuck...? Showtime, kid. Target's the centre of the palapa! Get that mother! Go! Hostages inside! Knock, knock. I got 'em! Hawkins, call in position and situation. Get Con Op on the hook! You got it, Major. Shit. Mac! Any sign of the other hostage? Found the other guy - he's dead, too - and the gear from the chopper. But if they're Central American, I'm a goddamn Chinaman. From the looks of it, our cabinet minister was CIA. Another thing, Major. They were lucky. Other guys they waxed... were Russian military advisers. Something pretty big was gonna happen here. Good work, Mac. Clear the area. No traces. - Get the men ready to move. - All right. Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick. - You're hit. You're bleedin', man. - I ain't got time to bleed. Oh... OK. You got time to duck? This is goddamn beautiful. Goddamn jackpot. This is more than we ever thought we'd get. We got those bastards. - We got 'em. - I think this is what you're looking for. You set us up! It's all bullshit. All of it. The cabinet minister, the whole business. Got us in here to do your dirty work. We stopped a major invasion. In three days they'd have crossed the border. - Why us? - Because nobody else could've pulled it off. - You're pissed about the cover story. - So, what story did you hand to Hopper? We've been looking for this place for months. My men were in that chopper when it got hit! - Hopper went in and he disappeared. - He didn't disappear. He was skinned alive! I had to get somebody who could crack these bastards! So you cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in a meat grinder. What happened to you, Dillon? You used to be somebody I could trust. I woke up. Why don't you? You're an asset... ...an expendable asset... ...and I used you to get the job done. Got it? My men are not expendable. - And I don't do this kind of work. - Major! - Major, we stepped into some real shit here! - Te sientes bien? We've got guerrillas all over the place. Can't be more than one, two miles away. - How much time? - Half an hour, maybe less. - Tell Mac we move in five. - She goes with us. She's too valuable. She'll give away our position any chance she gets. No deal. You're still under orders, Major. Now, you wanna make that call or should I? She's your baggage. You fall behind and you're on your own. This place is too hot for a pickup. They won't touch us till we get over the border. Hey, Billy. Give me a way out of this hole. Aerial says we are cut off. The only way outta here is that valley that leads to the east. I wouldn't waste that on a oke-dick dog. Not much choice. Poncho, take lead. Double-time it. Dillon! Dillon! Over here. - Turn around. - Why? Thanks. Any time. Billy! Billy! The other day I was goin' down on my girlfriend. I said to her, Jeez, you've got a big pussy. Jeez, you've got a big pussy. She said, Why did you say that twice? I said, I didn't. See, it was cos of the echo. Over here. Over here. Over here. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Over here. Any time. Any time. Goddamn! Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy! I've seen some bad-ass bush before, man, but nothin' like this. I hear you. This shit's somethin'. Makes Cambodia look like Kansas. Hey, qué pasa, amigo? Little taste of home. You lose it here, you're in a world of hurt. Come on, sweetheart. Stop sandbaggin' it. Now, get up. Come on, get up. Would you get up? Mierda! Ni lo intentes. Maybe you'd better put her on a leash, agent man. Try it again... please. Cállate! What's got Billy so spooked? Can't say, Major. Been acting squirrely all morning. That damn nose of his... it's weird. What is it? Billy... What the hell is wrong with you? There's something in those trees. Do you see anything? Up there. Nothing. What do you think? I guess it's nothing, Major. Please! Billy, eak left. Mac, right. - What the...? This isn't her blood. - What the hell'd you do to him? Major... you'd better take a look at this. Did you find Hawkins? I... I can't tell. What in God's name...? I think it's Hawkins. - Where the hell is his body? - There's no sign of it. Ask her what happened. Qué pasó, mujer? Mujer, qué pasó? Qué fue lo que viste? - Quién fue? - Yo no sé. Dime, mujer! Quién fue? Dime! - La selva se lo llevó. - Qué? No estoysegura. No sé. She says the jungle... it just came alive and took him. Bullshit! That's not what she said! - It doesn't make sense. - Those sappers have followed us... They've been in front of us! This woman... Hold it! Hold it! Why didn't they take his radio or his weapon? Why didn't she escape? - Hopper. - What? They did the same thing to Jim Hopper. I want Hawkins' body found. Sweep pattern. Double back. 50 metres. Let's go. Come on in, you fuckers. Come on in. Old painless is waitin'. Sergeant! Motherfucker! - What happened? - I saw it. - You saw what? - I saw it. Blain. No powder burns, no shrapnel. The wound's all fused, cauterised. What the hell could have done this to a man? Mac. Mac, look at me! - Who did this? - I don't know, goddamn it. I saw something. Not a thing. Not a fuckin' trace. No blood, no bodies. We hit nothing. Dillon, better get on the radio. Mac. - Sergeant! - Yes, sir. I want a defensive position above that ridge mined with everything we've got. - Put him in his poncho. Take him with us. - I got him. Vámonos. Major, I set up flares, frags and claymores. Nothing's coming near this place without tripping on somethin'. Thank you, Sergeant. Mac. He was a good soldier. He was, uh... ...my friend. Goodbye, o. Blazer One, I repeat, extraction necessary. Say again, Blazer One. Say again. Request for extraction denied. Area is still compromised. Proceed to sector 3,000 for prisoner extraction. Priority, out. Next contact 0930. Roger, Blazer One. 1030 hours. Damn bastards. They say we're still in too far. They can't risk coming in. We're assets, Dillon. Expendable assets. It comes with the job. I can accept it. Bullshit. You're just like the rest of us. Shitload of good a chopper's gonna do us in here anyhow. Sergeant? Sergeant! Sergeant! Who hit us today? I don't know. I only saw one of them camouflaged. He was there. Those eyes disappeared. What was that? Those eyes, they... ...they disappeared. I know one thing, Major. I drew and fired straight at it. Capped off 200 rounds in the Minigun... Full pack. Nothing... nothing on this earth could have lived. Not at that range. Mac, you take first watch, then you get some rest. Ask her. Ask her what she saw. Ask her what happened to Hawkins. Go ahead. Ask her. Qué pasó hoy? - Qué fue lo que viste? - Te dije lo que sé. Fue la selva la que se lo llevó. Qué más quieres que te diga? She says the same fuckin' thing. The jungle, it came alive and took him. Billy... you know something. What is it? - I'm scared, Poncho. - Bullshit. You ain't afraid of no man. There's something out there waiting for us... ...and it ain't no man. We're all gonna die. He's losing his cool. There's a couple of guys out there and we gotta take 'em down. You still don't understand, Dillon, do you? Whatever it is out there, it killed Hopper... ...and now it wants us. Here we are again, o... ...just you and me. Same kind of moon and same kind of jungle. Real number 10 night, remember? Whole platoon, 32 men chopped into meat, and we walk out, just you and me. Nobody else. Right on top, o. Not a scratch. Not a fuckin' scratch. You know, whoever got you... ...he'll come back again, and when he does, I'm gonna cut your name right into him. I'm gonna cut your name into him. Mac! - This way! - Where the hell are you? Where are you? Mac! - Mac! - What? Fuck! Where are you? Mac, where are you? Jesus. I got you, motherfucker. I killed you, you fuck. Jesus! You killed a pig. Do you think you could have found something bigger? Fuck you, Poncho. Fuck you! - Where's the girl? - Ah, shit! Why wasn't anybody watching her? Why didn't she try to get away? Look at her. She's scared out of her mind. Major, you better take a look at this. Blain's body, it's gone. It came in through the tripwires. Took it right out from under our noses. That boar had to set off the trip flare, Major, cos there ain't no other tracks. How could anyone get through this and carry out Blain without us knowing it? And why didn't he try and kill one of us? He came in to get the body. He's killing us one at a time. Like a hunter. He's using the trees. Yesterday, what did you see? - You're wasting your time. - No more games. I don't know what it was. - It... - Go on. It changed colours like the chameleon. It uses the jungle. Are you sayin' Blain and Hawkins were killed by a fuckin' lizard? That's a bullshit psych job. There's two or three men at the most. Fucking lizard! - What's your name? - Anna. Anna, this thing is hunting us. All of us. You know that. - What the hell are you doing? - We need everyone. - I'm taking her back. We're out of here. - We're not going yet. The rendezvous is 10 miles away. You think the chopper'll wait? Dillon, we make a stand now, or there will be nobody left to go to the chopper. There is something else. When the big man was killed, you must have wounded it. Its blood was on the leaves. If it bleeds, we can kill it. Look out. You really think this boy-scout bullshit's gonna work. It can see our tripwires. Maybe it can't see this. Instead of complaining, maybe you should help. What makes you think he'll come in through here? There are tripwires on every tree for 50 yards. This is the only way in. When I was little, we found a man. He looked like... ...like, butchered. The old women in the village crossed themselves... ...and whispered crazy things, said strange things. El diablo, cazador de hom es. Only in the hottest years this happens. And this year it grows hot. We begin finding our men. We found them sometimes without their skin... ...and sometimes much, much worse. El que hace trofeos de los hom es means the demon who makes trophies of man. So, what you gonna try next? Cheese? Hey, Dutch. Dutch! Shit! Got you, motherfucker! I got you! I'm coming! Mac. Mac! Get Ramirez on his feet and get to the chopper. - Hold it. I'm going after Mac. - That's not your style, Dillon. I picked up some bad habits from you. Get your people the hell outta here. You can't win this, Dillon. Maybe I can get even. Dillon. Just hold on to that damn chopper. He's busted up pretty bad, Major. - I can make it. I can make it. - Get the radio. Forget the rest. Come on, Poncho. Long tall Sally She's built sweet! She got everything that Uncle John need Oh, baby Baby I'm gonna have me some fun I'm gonna have me some fun I'm gonna have me some fun I'm gonna have me some fun I'm gonna have me some fun Turn around. Over here. Over here. Mac? Out there. Past them trees. You see it? I see you. I see it. I see it. You know, we can get this thing, Mac. You work your way down there toward him. I'll get in back of him, flush him toward you. When I flush that son of a bitch, you nail him. I got a score to settle. We've both got scores to settle. Vamos! Vamos. Come on! Quickly! Hurry up! Don't! Leave it. It didn't kill you because you weren't armed. No sport. Mac. Mac. Any time. Let's go. Billy! Billy, let's go! Dame elarma! Dame elarma! Give me the weapon! Dame la mano! No! Run! Run! Go! Get to the chopper! Oh, shit! He couldn't see me. Bleed, bastard. You're one ugly motherfucker. Bad idea. Come on. Come on! Do it! Do it! Come on. Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Come on! Do it now! Kill me! What the hell are you? What the hell are you? Get in. Come on. OK! Did you get it? What the...? My God!

Hi. - How'd it go? - Lousy. Got a '63 Thunderbird I would've sold in a day a year ago. Now they just wanna look at the pictures. You smell nice. How was your day? It was great. We had a big eakthrough in the Bulgari case. Really? We found a boot print. A really good one. The left heel was worn way down. That's a good lead. I know. We found a hair. A hair, wow. It's at the lab. So hopefully by noon tomorrow we'll find out his DNA... ...what kind of conditioner he uses, if he streaks his hair... ...if he has dandruff, everything. Isn't that amazing? That is amazing. You know, having those extra men really paid off. Oh, you're just being modest. Are you coming to bed, baby? I'm just gonna have a shower. Don't let me keep you up. - Good morning. - Good morning. - And you are Mr...? - Diaz. Miguel Diaz. - And you're here to open a...? - A SEP retirement account. Terrific. Oh, it says here you're already retired. - I am. - What was your occupation? I was a high school basketball coach. You must have done very well for yourself. - What's your name? - Greg. Greg. Let me ask you something. Do you have safe-deposit boxes here? Yes, they're housed in our vault. - In your vault? - It's over 100 years old. Of course, we've made some state-of-the-art upgrades since then. You know, I was once in a vault while it was being robbed. That must have been quite an experience. Yeah. Yeah. That's too oxblood. What do y'all do? My husband and I? Well, he's retired. Just retired. It's great. It's... And I did work at an art gallery. And, you know, I love art, obviously, and paint and... That's too own. I'm sorry. Do you mind if l...? - Hey, it's your paint. - Okay. Thank you. May I show you something specific? Well, I was looking for something for my wife. What is it, a special occasion? It's our second third anniversary. Excuse me. Hello, Mrs. Diaz, we were just talking about you. - How'd it go at the bank? - It was easy. I mean great. No, you mean easy. What? You're doing recon work on our anniversary? - Tess. - Let me ask you this: - Where are you now? - Casing a jewelry store. That's an interesting way to ease back into society, which was your idea. - Should I stop painting now? - Listen. Let's talk about something important. I can't find a restaurant for tonight. - Well, we'll stay in. - Really? - Great. I'll cook. - No, I'll cook. You talk. You want me to talk? Words and everything? That's what they make flowers for, you know. - Oh, no, Danny. - What is it? Tess... ... what's wrong? There's water in the basement and the pilot light is out. Hang up! Hello, Tess. Where is he, Tess? Where is... ...Mr. Diaz? I want it back, Tess. I want it all back. - You got it all from the insurance company. - I want my money back. The money that your husband and his 10 friends stole from me. With interest. A hundred and sixty million dollars over three years. That's a lot of vig. And I want it all back. He's got two weeks. You'll never find them. They're way too smart for you. Right. You know, as it turns out... ...l'm not the only person in the world looking for Ocean's 11. All right. I'm the groom, and I'm not supposed to say anything, but... Make a speech. But I don't care what the rules are, because I really wanna thank my family. My mom and dad, my Uncle Gary and Aunt Grace. Uncle Ted, Aunt celeste... ...and their children, Denise and Jessica. Bishop Tom and his wife, Helen, my neighbor John... ...and his new girlfriend, Tanya. And all the guys at Lean Machine Inc., Bobo, Mullethead... ...Big Sam. And everyone else who's just been great... ...in welcoming Sara into the family. Thank you. Excuse me, everybody. I'd just like to... - Get up. - Get up. - Get up. - Get up. Get up. - Walk. - Walk. I'd like to say a few words about commitment... ...about honor... ...about responsibility... ...about a very special someone and admitting to her... Get up. Pull the chair out. Admitting to her in front of everybody... ...that her wedding... ...and that very special honeymoon trip to Epcot center... ...will have to be postponed. The photographer. Jesus, he's just a friend. You met him at The Mint, remember? Well, of course I am. You don't expect me to embarrass myself by flying commercial? On a budget? On a budget? Who was the only person who couldn't get in on the chinese cell-phone market? You, with all your connections. What was that? He seemed really nice. And you know it's hard for guys to be friends with me. And you do this every time that I meet someone new. And you know what? It's getting really boring. You think it's a accident no one know about Fred Bud Kelly? Ain't no accident. There's one explanation... ...and you ladies know exactly what it is. I'm gonna tell you what it is. Conspiracy, collusion, complicity. That's all it is. Let me eak it down like a fraction for you about my man Fred Bud Kelly. Fred Bud Kelly made skates out of whiskey bottles... ...at his uncle's farm in the early 1900s. That was over there in Nova Scotia. I'm gonna tell you something else. You never seen his name on the Stanley cup. You know why that is? Because that son of a bitch Jim crow... ...took his name off the history books. You kind of... Seems like every time I see you, you're playing the race card, Frank. Now, why is that? You can let go of my feet now. - This don't bother you? - Of course it bothers me, mate. - What the do you want me to do? - Well, it's up. You can't hear none of the lyrics. You can't get with the beat with all them bleeps in it. You want a single on the radio, it's what you have to do. Well, it's , isn't it? Totally ! right, it's . What the is that? Somebody must be in 2. Oh, ! And you haven't contacted my father about any of this? Because, really, I don't think there's any reason to involve him or my mom. It's all on you, Linus. Okay. Good. - Good. Because I have a whole network... - Get out of my car. Thank you. - Mr. Bloom? - Yes. There appears to be a slight problem with your card. Oh, well, yes. Here. I'm afraid not, sir. Why? Your business manager said you would understand. Todd said I would understand? No, Mr. Benedict. Mr. Benedict. Mr... Oh, yes. An old friend, a practical joker. Tell Mr. Benedict he's won this round, yes. Terry Benedict. Old Terry. She's looking at me from across the room. And she's crazy about me, I can tell... ...because she's been staring at me all night. So suddenly... ...I just go up to her, and I grab her. And I've got her really close to me... ...and her eyes are all fiery. And my eyes are fiery. And it's like... It's electric. And I say to her, Mom... Mother... what? Thanks for letting me finish. What can I say? You're a funny guy. Oh, yeah. My friend Rusty. I'm worried about him. He owns this hotel in Los Angeles... ...losing a lot of money, and he's got no life. He's a nice, ight kid, but he's beating his ains out. Do you think I could send something through you, like, a message to him? I read your palm, not his. Somebody who could do that could do very well. Anything on my health? - My hips are bothering me. - Please. This? You couldn't see this? - I tried knocking, he won't open. - I'll handle it. I know him. Jesus christ, are you people retarded? - It says, Do not disturb! - It's me. Hey. Come on in. Jeez, Topher, you didn't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me. I'm sorry. Rust, look, I know this is your joint. I just... There's this girl. I love her, man. I love her, but she is driving me crazy! I can't sleep. I can't work. I quit the show. I totally phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie. - I mean, it's like... - Hello? God, it's almost like this Kabbalah crap doesn't even work! Rusty, call for you. Dude, don't leave. - Yeah? - I have a message for Robert Charles Ryan... ... soon to be ex-owner of the Standard Hotel. - You got him. - Last time we spoke, you hung up on me. You used some nasty words. I got sensitive ears. I admit I was a little emotional that evening. Think about that night a lot, don't you? I thought I'd be dead before I heard the sound that killed me. I've been asked to show restraint. Otherwise, you would've gone out... ... to your favorite car of all the 17 you own, and as soon as you turned on the ignition... You got two weeks. Now, you told me that your wife said that he called it Ocean's 11. Now, who decided that? I'm a private contractor. It was a collaboration. That moniker is insulting. It was one job we did together. I don't know where this proprietary stance comes from. It seems possessive. One could make the argument that because it was Danny's idea... Hang on a minute. We all had our own areas of expertise. I mean, without us, it don't leave your head, mate. It just hurts, you know, because... ...it seemed we all agreed to call it the Benedict job. That's what we called it when we were doing it. If you wanted to call it something else... when you have a problem, who do you go to? - Rusty. - Rusty. Thanks. Let's get back on the topic. Based on what we stole, plus interest... ...how much does everybody owe? - $17.34 million. Assuming Benedict gives us prime plus one, which I doubt. Figure 19 to be safe. Okay, 19 each. Anybody got that? What, you think the stock market's some great mystery... ...beyond the realm of human understanding? Didn't you see the signs? I saw the signs. How much is everybody short? How much you short? Fourteen. Fourteen. - All but 5 million? - Yeah. You gonna start with me? You don't know what it's like to create something from scratch. - Well, with interest, I'm short 7. - Eight. I spent about a million, mostly on talent development. That makes it 7 for me. Boy, the interest just kills you. - I'm light 9. - What's the interest? - About 6. - Then I owe 6. - How? - What? I've been staying at my parents'. I owe 25. Hotels, man. Saul? I haven't spent it all, but I will. I'm out, fellas. As ranking old-timer, I gotta say, I just can't do it. At my age, I think I earned the right to be selfish. I wanna thank you all for the wonderful opportunity. You're all aces in my book. But I want the last check I write to bounce. Saul, you having a laugh? Saul. - I can handle Saul's share. - You don't have to. Who would I talk to if you were all dead? That's a good point. All right, I owe 10. Amazing? Yeah, but it's a nice place. - So that comes to...? - Ninety-seven, give or take. He didn't find us on his own. - Someone helped him. - Another thief. Nobody we know would violate rule number one. What we do know is we need a job. We need a high-paying job. We're too hot to work anywhere in this country. - So we go a oad. How about we go...? - We're on the 5:00. Good. Where are we going? - Amsterdam. - Amsterdam it is. - Clock's running. Let's go. - Never been to Amsterdam. I hear German girls are really hot. Rusty. - Amsterdam? - Yeah. Don't tell Danny. Hey, Rusty. Rusty. Sorry, sorry. Hey. What are you doing? What's wrong with you? - Nothing. - What? - Can l...? Can l...? - What? - Just for a second, can I talk to you? - What's wrong? I just... I don't know. This might not be the perfect time or whatever to talk about it. - Okay. - I've been thinking. I've been doing my homework. And I'd really like... ...to play a more central role this time around. - Right. - I feel like I've... - Right. - I'm ready for that, and l... way overdue. I was wondering if I could come to the meeting and help you guys negotiate. Okay. It's just a sit-down with Matsui. He's got his own language, this guy. I watched you and Danny really closely last time around. I learned a ton. Linus, in my professional opinion, you're not ready. - Okay. Yeah, I mean... - But... But... But... ...if you're convinced you are ready... ...I can speak with Danny. We can make this happen. But you gotta be sure. - Not sure? - No, I am. - You're sure? - But if I had a question, I could... - You would call me? - Right. Okay. Any time. - Okay. - Okay. - All right. - Okay. Awesome. Thank you. Yeah. I almost wasn't gonna come over and say anything. Then I'd still be sleeping. - Thanks, buddy. - Yeah. - Who's there? - Li... It's... - what? - It's Linus. Is Rusty here? Rusty...? - Do you know where Rusty is? - No. So have you met Matsui? Seriously, what do you think of me... ...you know, in terms of just leadership potential? The fact that we're unemployable shouldn't enter your mind. Otherwise, you're wasting time. Don't mention Benedict unless he does first. And if he does, tell him everything. Right. Stay on point. And don't forget the other thing I told you. - What? - About listening. Relax. Remember, if we don't get this job, we're dead. Rusty, I tried calling you all yesterday. So finally, she slams her vodka tonic down on the tray and says: Hey, maybe that's why I've been feeling so warm recently. Yeah. - So to business? - To business. A doctor who specializes in skin diseases... ...will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television... ...but not remember his dream. Would you agree? If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery... ...then Thanksgiving and Halloween... ...would fall on the same date. Yeah. Hey. When I was 4 years old... ...I watched my mother kill a spider with a tea cozy. Years later, I realized it was not a spider. It was my Uncle Harold. Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face Stars to fill my dreams I am a traveler in both time and space To be where I have been Is he all right? Are we all right? - Kashmir? - Is that your idea of making a contribution? - We hadn't even started yet. - We were this close to losing that. Okay, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say? - You called his niece a whore. - A cheap one. - She's 7. - Confined to bed with a case of... - No, don't tell him about it. - I'm sorry. Okay. So, what does this mean? It means you stay here. The mark's name is van der Woude. A semi-known, wealthy recluse. He claims to sell antiques, but hasn't actually sold one. His store is his privately owned home, which no one ever enters. But don't let van der Woude's eccentricity fool you. The house is extremely well-protected. - What are we after? - It's a document. It's a very old, very valuable document. - Yeah, what is it? - A stock certificate. The first one ever issued from the first corporation on the planet. Dutch East India Trading company. - The only one of its kind. - What's the take? 2.5 million euro. Wait. Each? - No. - Who negotiated this? - That's a lot of money to a lot of people. - Are you out of your mind? If we do one job a week at that rate, we won't pay Benedict off until... - September 2005. - Jesus christ, Danny. I hear you, but it's what's available. After we pull this job off... ...Matsui's gonna throw us another. It's gonna pay 10 times this one. - Which will buy an extension from Benedict. - You hope. I hope. Now, the good news is that Matsui gave us the system's master code. - So, what are we waiting for? - Van der woude. - That's the bad news. - He never leaves. - He's agoraphobic. - He's never been out of his house? - Not in 10 years since he moved in. - Does he believe in fresh air? - He opens his window. - What does that mean? - Best time of arrival. - Means he opens his window. Every night at 1:30 he takes an Ambien, puts on Beethoven's Third. By the fourth movement, he's out like a light. So we go in at 3 a.m. Okay, can we tap into the system from the phone lines? It's a closed-loop system with two servers locked in titanium cases next to his bed. - So hacking in is out. - Look at this. Telephone-repair truck, basket up to the second floor. Telescoping rod through the window, tap out the freak's code. - Dumb idea. One lane, one-way streets. - Dumb idea. All right? Any stoppage will ing cops. The outside is covered by five surveillance cameras. Monitored 24 hours a day by a security company. He's got five exterior cameras? - This guy is a freak. - Super freak. What about through the roof? - Two more cameras, pressure sensors... - A laser net over the trap door... - Smoke the freak out. - Yeah. - Smoke the freak out. - Hey! - What? - Do we have to use that term? - What term? - Freak. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates 5.6 percent of adults... ...develop agraphoriaphobia. - Agoraphobia. Whatever. I'm just saying, I mean, do we...? We don't need to be an organization that labels people. Oh, now we're an organization? You'd call Emily Dickinson a freak? - Are you hosting a telethon? - Who's Emily Dickinson? Am I the only one who feels funny about stealing from a...? You know, a handicapped guy? - Well, I don't care. - Hell, yeah. I feel funny about other things. Cool. But... - Yeah? - But... - Right. - What? - Ahab with a piggyback. Livingston? - I can get anything. - It's done. - Ahab with what? - Boys. - You're making that up. That's... That whole Ahab with a piggyback, that's not real? - Let me in. - How do you think it feels... ...when someone bangs on the door? - I gotta go to the toilet. Otherwise, I'm gonna shit on your feet. Come on. Show me them specs. I've been doing this since I'm 12 years old. You're micromanaging. You gotta find people you can delegate to. Otherwise, you'll never have a life. I don't want a life. I want the hotel to run like a hotel should. Reuben. Yeah. Great. - Okay. Good. - Maybe. Fantastic. Remember in Miller's Crossing where Turturro begs for his life? Sure. Look into your heart. I cry every time. What? We have no line of sight. Our only possibility, the window. We're three inches too high. There's no clear shot, even with Basher. In the physical universe we occupy, it cannot be done. What about the guy from the Bulgari job? - Nagel. Spoke with him. - Anything? Lot of ideas, none of them any good. He's pushing this new holographic technology. Really interesting stuff, though. He can reproduce anything 3-D. How about 97 million? We're forcing it. Yeah, we're forcing it. - You know what we haven't thought of? - What? We turn ourselves in. - What could Benedict do to us then? - There you go. Call the cops, tell them we did the Bellagio job. They put us away for 20 years. That'd teach him. I think Tess would stick around. You look great in jumpsuits. Hey... ...how's the hotel business? - Sucks. - How's East Haven? - Sucks. I don't know. Can't turn my ain off, you know. It's me. We go into some place, and all I can do is see the angles. It's what I do. It's what I've always done. I love it. I don't know. Some sort of weird irony, you know? Tess watching me scratch and itch. Hey, listen. You know, the world's gone nuts and you're... - What'd you wanna do? - It's not attached to the adjacent buildings. - The whole house? - We're just raising it slightly. Schumann did it in '64 in venice and '73 in Istanbul. - He only had a crew of six. - We can't tilt a house. - Did it with the Leaning Tower of Pizza. - Exactly, thank you. - It took 300 men over two years to do it. - There's 30 pylons. We cut them, insert the jacks and crank away. It's really our best plan, considering it's our only plan. - Crank for how long? - Like I said, it's our only plan. What? Oh, oh, okay, hold on. Try that. Number five. I'm a go. Master thieves who practice the long con live separate lives as civilians. They have legitimate jobs and families... ...which make them extremely difficult to catch. The greatest thief of all time was, without question... ...Gaspar LeMarc, who either died in Portugal in 1988... ...or in Hong Kong in 1996, or he's still alive. We may never know for certain, because LeMarc... ...was never captured or photographed... ...despite being active for over 50 years. Though he left behind a slew of imitators... ...only one is worth mentioning in the same eath as The thief we know only as the Night Fox. So named for the small onyx figurines he leaves behind to taunt us... ...the Night Fox must be considered our number-one priority. His string of high-profile crimes are an embarrassment to our anch... ...to our entire profession. We need more than traditional resources to pursue thieves like the Night Fox. We need to train ourselves to think the way they think, to see what they see. And we should not allow ourselves to be distracted... I'm sorry. Someone just robbed the van der woude house. What? Hi, Isabel. Well, we could really use your help on this one. I hope the scene hasn't been contaminated. When can I speak to Mr. Van der woude? Probably tomorrow. He's heavily sedated. We can't figure out how they disabled the alarm. Shorted it out somehow? No, that would have triggered the system and damaged the circuits. Well, then. Then I don't know how they got in. They had the code. Someone other than the owner must have known it. Impossible. Van der woude programmed the last nine steps of the system. He set it and never left the house again. Closed loop. Redundant servers. Titanium encasement. It's not bad, actually. Yeah. Thanks. Do we know each other? - I think I saw you yesterday. - Oh, yeah? Yeah, you were being chased by the police. Chasing me? No. I don't think so. I'm quite sure it was you. Doesn't say much for the police. No, I love Rome. I love it. But there's an opening at work the level above me, and it's... I was thinking I was gonna try out for it. It's in Amsterdam. My mother has family there, so it'd be... It'd be good. - He lifted the whole house? - The whole house. - The entire house? - The entire house. It's called a Schumann Special... ... named after this guy, a illiant guy, Max Schumann. Then he did it in Istanbul in 1973. What is it? It's where the crossbow bolt hit. The crossbow bolt? They fired from that rooftop through this open window. With a crossbow bolt from that roof through that window? - That's a very difficult shot. - No, it is an impossible shot... ...until they raised the building. Check the pylons. They'll be elevated. - You know the name Max Schumann? - No. - Well, they do. - Who? The Americans. Wait a minute. Exactly. Why would they ing the drill if they weren't planning to use it? - What? - Oh, God. - What? - I don't know. Congratulations. You are the second person to crack the van der Woude safe tonight. In arriving second, Mr. Ocean, you have joined a long line... ... of people who've worked hard and risked a great deal only to get somewhere second. You don't know these people by name, of course, because they enter oblivion. You know this word, oblivion? It means to be totally forgotten by everyone forever. And it's where you would be now if it weren't for the Bellagio heist. How does this guy know who we are? In a way, I'm responsible for you coming to Amsterdam in the first place. I hired Matsui, and Matsui hired you. That's the guy who dimed us to Benedict. - All of them, including Ocean. - Yes. I find that hard to believe. And you are? You can call me the Night Fox. The Night Fox. Okay, Mr. Night Fox. - What will this information cost me? - Don't worry. Nothing. Nothing? Who do you think you're dealing with? Nothing costs nothing. And this information is definitely worth something. Let's just say our interests are temporarily aligned. How so? Well, the information is free, but it comes with certain conditions. - Such as? - Restraint on your part. Restraint? That's asking a lot. What else? Two weeks to buy themselves out of trouble. Two weeks? I can live with that, even if they can't. Just out of curiosity, what will you make them pay? For letting them live? Everything they stole, plus interest. A lot of interest. But didn't your insurance cover what was stolen? Of course. So you're asking them to double your money? Well, do you really think that's fair? Fair? I certainly hope not. So, what about the information? Okay. It's on your desk. He was here. Around 3:30 this morning. I can tell. - Who? - The Night Fox. Go down to the Dampkring and pick up a guy called Matsui. Real name, lan Nicolas McNally. The Night Fox was here at the same time as the Americans? Why? That's what we're gonna find out. What is he doing? Get him out of there. God. Hello, Frank. I can't understand what we did to this guy. - Why does he have it out for us like this? - How did he get that code? Doesn't matter. He oke rule number one. He's on the list. Great time for a turf war. I spoke with Frank's associate in Dublin. She's trying to get us a name on this guy. Our train leaves tomorrow at 1:38, okay? - Where is Frank? - I don't know. It's gonna get out. Then we'll be dead, and no one will wanna work with us. Housekeeping. Turndown service for Mr. Ryan. Hi. Nice room. You have it all to yourself? You here to take me in? Why would I do that? It's not as if you stole something. It's nice to see you again, Robert. You too. Of course, you've been seeing plenty of me, haven't you? I like this one. I call it thief ŕ la mode. Schumann Special, huh? I guess that's what I get for opening my mouth. So, what about the Night Fox? Did he leave you a message? What about the figurine? You still have it? I suppose it's a compliment in a way. I guess he's threatened by you, though I can't imagine why. You have no idea what you're up against. The French police think he's better than LeMarc. Well, he is French. Let me give you some advice. Find out how you offended him. Apologize. Beg for mercy. Got to go. Any message for Frank? He's been hanging around the station. On what charge? Well, we found a print of a size 14 Hi-Tec Magnum boot at the crime scene. And? Bought with a fraudulent credit card. From that point on, well, there's only one, maybe two great nail salons in Amsterdam. - And you lied to us. - Yeah, and to me. Well, Frank knew. - Frank knew you were in touch? - I wasn't in touch. I was more like keeping tabs. - She's a cop! - Detective, actually. - Where'd she learn all that Schumann crap? - Dad. - What, he was a cop? - Thief. - Oh, God. Was he good? - Oh, yeah. Great. Pissed-off ex-girlfriend whose thief father... ...taught her every trick in the book. Well, she just made Danny and Yen. In the next 48 hours, your pictures will be in every police station. - Nobody looks at them. - Nobody but cops. - Detectives. - You'd think she'd have sympathy for us... ...if her old man was a thief. - Is that sympathy or empathy? No, her old man got popped a day before her 9th birthday. Died in jail. So I wouldn't count on much sympathy. Or empathy. She's gonna have the hotel under surveillance. Great. We'll just eat room service, watch movies and wait for Benedict to kill us. - Who's on the $100 bill? - Adams. - John Travolta. - He said every problem... ...is an opportunity in disguise. He couldn't say that with a.45 in his mouth. No, you're missing the silver lining here. Now, she gave us a name, didn't she? The Night Fox. One phone call, we're gonna find out everything there is to know about this guy. The name is M. Diaz. D-l-A-Z. It's a black duffel bag. The team's in Rotterdam. The bag's in Brussels. He's the modern man: Disconnected, frightened... ...paranoid, but with good reason. It's too sad to be funny. Unusable. - I think I can get 20 minutes out of it. - Great. I got it. The team's in Barcelona. The bag's in Madrid. This is a moral issue we're dealing with here. And we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We got a bag man. Such an ape. An animal with no feelings. - I have feelings. - No, you don't. I feel bad for the guy. He's in a piece of luggage, but he's got water. - What did you want them to do? - Get off the bus. And pick up the bag with our friend in it. How many pro soccer teams are fielding 50-year-old men? Rusty's not 50 years old. Yeah, dude, we know Rusty's not 50. You think I'm 50 years old? Let me ask you something. No, wait, let me ask you something. How old do you think I am? Forty-eight. You think I'm 48 years old? Fifty-two? - Maybe he should've asked me. - Nobody should ever ask you anything. That guy doesn't have a hard enough life right now? You gotta... You're gonna defend him? They put Yen in a handbag. - Can I ask you something? Ever notice...? - Lf you're gonna ask a question... ...give me time to respond, unless it's rhetorical... ...in which case the answer is obvious: Yes. - Okay, can I ask...? - Yes. - You ever notice that Tess looks exactly...? - Don't ever ask that. Seriously. - Not to anyone. Especially not to her. - Wait. Why not? Look. It's not in my nature to be mysterious... ...but I can't talk about it, and I can't talk about why. - Can I ask you...? Do I look 50 to you? - Yeah. - Really? - Well, I mean, only from the neck up. Saul? What's the matter? Nothing. You wanna go out? It's nice. No. You wanna watch something? The game's on. No. - You hungry? I'll heat something up. - No. Saul, ever since you got back, you've been acting strange. What did Danny want? Nothing. Nothing? How could he want nothing? All right, the Night Fox has a name. François Toulour. Baron François Toulour. Father was a French industrialist, mother was Italian nobility. He never met her, but he inherited her title. The bad news is he's rich, he's bored and he's talented. The really bad news is he was trained by LeMarc. - This is not good. - With the LeMarc? Gaspar LeMarc? That's the one. - Well, we're doomed. - We're not doomed. - He's one guy, and he's French. - Yeah. Before we get too impressed by his background... ...let's hear what he's done. - He started in the '90s. Bank of Geneva, the Danish Treasury, the Bank of Italy, AMC Amro... ... the Brussels Diamond Exchange, Antwerp Diamond Exchange. - Wait, wait. All those in the 1990s? - I'm only up to '96. - Seriously? - In '97, he went through an art phase. He hit the Tate in London, the Louvre in Paris, twice, and the Prado. Wait. No, no, hang on. The Prado Museum in '97? That was Moretti. - Everybody knows that... - He is Moretti. It's one of his aliases. Okay, I'll skip to my favorite. In 2002, he stole the king of Morocco's 200-foot yacht. Vanished into thin air. Crew surfaced days later in a life raft. Couldn't remember a thing. - How do you hide a 200-foot yacht? - Lf the king knows, he's not telling. He got it back a month later. He now plays tennis with Toulour every weekend. - We're in some serious trouble here. - Copy that. - So, what do we do? - We respond. - Respond? How? - In kind. Mr. Ocean. You oke rule number one, and that has consequences. Oh, you must be talking about the paintings. Don't worry. You'll be dead in five days, and I'll get my paintings back. - Unless you have an accident first. - I don't think so, Daniel. Perhaps I should explain to you why I'm tormenting you. I'd like that. Last month I was in Portugal to see my mentor. - LeMarc. - Indeed. A very loud and annoying American businessman was there the same day. He worked for a big insurance company. He's the one who suggested Benedict to you as a potential mark. - You know the man? - What about him? He said it was the most beautiful job he'd ever seen. He went on and on about this job, and then he said... ... it showed you were the greatest thief in the world. But the worst part is that LeMarc never corrected him. I told LeMarc that you can't be better than me. And he answered that it was impossible to know for sure. So I thought about that for, like, three weeks in a row, day and night. And then suddenly, I realized that he was actually right. It is impossible to compare one theft to the other. So I guess the only way to know who's the best of us for sure... ...is to go after the same object. Do the same job. Don't you think that would be fun? You're being awfully cavalier with a lot of people's lives so you can play out a game. You're gonna regret it. Come on, Mr. Ocean. How are you gonna possibly get $97 million by next wednesday? Especially if every safe you crack between now and then is already empty? Whereas if you accept my challenge and win... ...I promise I'll pay your debt to Benedict... ...and LeMarc will hold my money in escrow as a guarantee. What are we stealing? The famous Fabergé Coronation Egg. - Was that your idea or LeMarc's? - I think he would agree... ... that it's the most appropriate thing for us to compete over. Where is it located? The egg left Paris this morning on its way to Rome. It travels with heavy security and usually with one or more replicas. Sometimes they even show the replicas without anybody knowing. When the egg goes on display Monday morning... ... you'll have 48 hours to steal it before your deadline's up. When the deadline passes and you don't have the egg... ... LeMarc will know who's the best. - Rusty's phone. - Who is this? Nicole. Who's this? Nagel. Where's Rusty? He said if you called, to say he was at Gunther's. Gunther's? What's that about? Did he say something? Do you have a message? Yes, I do. Tell him this thing is gonna cost him double what I told him. And tell him I had to go three times as thin on the layers. And tell him if he wants it tomorrow, it should cost him more than double. And tell him this thing is beautiful. Would fool the bloody Romanovs themselves. And tell him I'm being a nice guy. And tell him he dresses like a gigolo. Is that it? Yeah. No. Tell him having a sexy female assistant... ...is such a terrible cliché. Can I get a coffee or something? Thanks. Just a cappuccino or espresso. Well... You call me on Saturday and ask me to come into my office... ... and sign a 1077... ... and you can't even tell me what they are after? - I can come to your house. - I'm leaving for Naples in two hours. - We'll talk about this on Wednesday. - It'll be gone by wednesday. - What? What? What will be gone? - Something worth signing a 1077 for. Ryan and his friends did the Bellagio casino heist in 2001. - I am telling you, this is serious... - lf that's true... ...then we should call the American FBl... - No, no, no. - Maurizio, listen to me. - Agent Lahiri... ... a 1077 is not a small thing. Unless you can tell me what they are after, there is no point in discussing it. Hey... Because LeMarc stole it in 1980 when 23 others failed. Because the Night Fox is trying to prove he's better than Ryan and his friends. This is ridiculous. You say the egg will be stolen. Then you say LeMarc already stole it 24 years ago. - Which one is it? - Both. What? LeMarc's wife made him put the egg back. When I signed a 1077 for you on the Bulgari case... ...you requisitioned 30 of my men for three months and made zero arrests. I won't do it again. First, we cannot go at night. The laser grid in the Great Hall's impossible to beat. - Nothing's impossible. - This is impossible. It's in constant motion, programmed to improvise randomly... ... meaning we can't plan our way through. All right. So it's a daytime play. We're still short three on the inside since Isabel made you and Yen and Danny. We could try a Smuggler's Paradise. - It hasn't worked since the '50s. - '54, actually. What's option two? Baby Jane, Squeaky Wheel, followed by a Number-Two Son. It's complicated, but it's got a high success rate. The only problem is... We can't do it without a grease man on the inside, without Yen. We'll have to risk it. We'll put him in disguise. 10:10, I leave the café, proceed west. 10:11? - I enter the second-floor bathroom. - 10:13? Approach the Spanish Steps from the south. Basher and I enter by the main entrance. - 10:15? - I help Yen into the ventilation duct. - 10:18? - I move Reuben to the Egg Room. - I pause in the Great Hall while... - I go to the Egg Room. - 10:21? - Yen enters the mainframe room. He cuts power to grid 14-A. He radios me. I signal Linus. - I then go to the Egg Room. - 10:22? I drop my keys and move Reuben to his mark. - I blind camera one. - I blind camera two. - I blind camera three. - Camera four. - I make the switch. - Right. - 10:24? - I pull to the corner of the main entrance. I meet Danny at the Steps. We head north. 10:25? Turk and I make the drop. All right. Really good stuff, guys. Really good work. All right, we'll pick it up here in an hour. It's a slam-dunk. - Great. - 10:45, we all get arrested. You bet. - How was Toulour? - He was predictable. You hear from Nagel? He'll be here. That's a lot to presume from a guy like Nagel. Follow it up. This is Isabel. It's Johan. I just set a 6:00 meeting for you with an Andre Ciment... ... who says he had four paintings stolen from his house in Lake Como. - And when was this? - Sometime Friday. He's missing two Monets, a Turner and a Degas. - Which Degas was it? - Blue Dancers. Supposedly, there's surveillance video, but I haven't been able to confirm that yet. It is all about error correction. Three thousand separate, translucent, digital slivers... ...instead of the 1000 I thought it would be. Thank God it doesn't have to move. Re-creating the lighting was a pain. It's a mixture of tungsten and real light.

But I think the color rendition is pretty damn accurate. Batteries are in the base. Two minutes maximum. You're good. - It's good, Roman. You're a genius. - I think I am. You'd have never got past that grid. That's why you're paying me double. - What? No, no, no. - You got my message. - Who's that sexy phone voice? Early Bond. - What message? The message I left with Sexy Phone voice Nicole. On your mobile. Got something going with Gunther? Am I in? - Okay, when did you leave the message? - Two days ago. She had your phone. - She has your...? - Yeah. - That means that she's...? - Yeah. - Well, you better... - Yeah. - That's great. - I mean... So...? So who's got my money? Who has got my bloody money? Jesus. Sorry to hear about your mom. She was an amazing... well, I thought so, at least. She hated you. I should've picked up on that. - She hated all thieves. - No wonder you fought. Excuse me? - May I have my phone back? - No. - That's a nice pull, by the way. - Thanks. Did you get that tingling sensation down your spine when you did it? Or is that none of my business? You considered a career change? Have you? I tried hotels. I'm better at this. Went by the café for some tiramisu. - It wasn't the same. - Who's the Night Fox? - They did something to the eggs. - Why accept his challenge? Because he'll lose. And how can you beat him? We can't. You're not making any sense. Okay. The Bulgari job you pulled with Frank when we were together... ...I knew it was you. Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you... ...Robert? I didn't want it to end. You assumed it would. Was I wrong? You shouldn't be here. I have a meeting. Someone stole a whole bunch of paintings in Lake como. Interesting. Any leads? The next time I see you... ...l'm arresting you. And Ocean and anybody else I recognize. Fair enough. - Ready? - Right. Yes, of course I do. My Blue Dancers, my Degas. They took it, unfortunately, and I really would like... Do you have any enemies? Anybody out there who would feel wronged by you? No. I can't see anyone. But why? You think... You think maybe the thief... ...is trying to harm me personally now? Well, I assumed he was after the paintings themselves. I think it's enough. Ready? Good? I have something you might be interested in. It's a DvD with all the hidden surveillance cameras I have to my place. It's plenty. I haven't checked it out yet. Maybe the thieves have been careless enough to be photographed. I doubt it, this level of thief, but I'll take a look. Yeah. You never know. Okay. Well, merci. Thank you, Mademoiselle Lahiri, for everything. Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Mademoiselle Lahiri. Did you get the faxed copy of the 1077? Good. Here's what I need: A dozen... Twelve uniformed officers. Metal detectors, extra cameras. So I'll e-mail you the photographs. Do you happen to have a pen? I'll just give you the names. Okay. Livingston Dell, male, caucasian, 5'6, 150 pounds. Virgil Malloy, male, caucasian, 5' 10, 160 pounds. Robert Ryan, male, caucasian... - Hello? - Buon giorno, Mr. Eisenhower. This is your 5 a.m. Wake-up call. - Really? - Yes, I'm afraid. Have a nice day, sir. - Hey. - What are you doing? - What...? Sleeping. Why are you dressed? - It's 5:30, day of. We gotta go. Let's go. It's 11:30. The night before. But... Oh, he's mean. He's just mean-spirited. - How many espressos did you have? - Five. Yeah, come on. I don't know if she's just confused... ...or she's really turned the corner and hates me now. You think I handled this wrong? I was too forceful. I was too American. She's different. Maybe you're right, maybe she has moved on. You know, I talked to a doctor about getting that tattoo removed. But given its location, he advised against it. That guy doing Potsie is unbelievable. I mean, what's this guy's problem? He's stitched us up twice in two weeks, all over his ego. It's the first decent evening we've had together in I don't know how long. All right, all right, let's just stay on point here. Let's go over the list again. Who died and made you Danny? No one. I'm sorry. My emotions are all over the place. I was forceful, trying to show good leadership... - For fuck's sake. Let's go. - You're a good leader. Thanks. All right, well, let's go over the list again. - Swinging Priest? - Not enough people. - Crazy Larry? - Not enough people. - Soft Shoulder? - Not enough people. - Baker's Dozen? - No woman and not enough people. Hell in a Handbasket? We can't train a cat that quickly. And not enough people. - What about Tess? - What about her? Well, you know how she kind of looks like... - So what? - Yeah, what's your point? So we do a Lookie-loo. - It's a Lookie-loo with a Bundle of Joy. - A Lookie-loo with Tess... ...and a Bundle of Joy? You've gone right out of your tree, my son. He's mad. It's crazy. It's Italian-television crazy, and we're still one short. No, think about it. She can get near the egg during daylight with half the system down. I mean, that's a trifecta. He might be right. Make the calls. Linus caldwell, you are not following the procedures... ...Danny talked about if Terry Benedict shows up. Something is wrong. What is wrong? Danny's fine. He's with Rusty. During this part of the plan, they can't communicate with us. Promise he isn't hurt. I promise he isn't hurt. You're gonna miss the deadline. Danny would be thrilled if you met him in Rome when the job's finished. He misses you like crazy. Plus, you studied art, so I know how much you love Rome. There's no downside here. Wow, they're inging you along fast, aren't they? Yes. Danny would be more thrilled... ...if you were on the 7 p.m. Out of JFK, which means you have to leave right now. I thought I'd requested a midsize. - Danny here? - He wanted to be. Did you have a nice flight? We weren't sure if you were a window or aisle person. - How long's Danny been in jail? - Just a couple of days, really. Which, you know, on the ight side, he's completely safe from Benedict. He told me everything was fine. He lied right to me. What I think he meant by fine is we're running low on time and money... ...and we're deeper in debt than when we started. I assume that you have a plan to get him out. - Actually, she sounds like her. - No, she needs a Southern accent. - Can you do a Southern...? - What the hell is going on with you guys? Not quite. The accent is crucial. It's the first thing people notice. - This ridiculous car, what is it doing? - Okay, I'm sorry. All right, I'm just gonna level with you. Due to certain personnel losses... ...that we have sustained... ...we're... various readjustments had to be made. You're gonna have to play a small role in this thing. Okay? So can you put these on? I'd like you to put this hat on. You're gonna put on that, and you're gonna stuff it with that. And we'll turn around, just give you a little moment. Small role. Who am I supposed to be? Well... Oh, really? Well, absolutely. I can have... we can make the suite available. No, no, no trouble at all. I mean, we would love... we are honored that she would think of us again. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Bye. How is this going to get Danny out? - We needed someone famous. - Why didn't you get someone famous? Just think Four Weddings and a Funeral. She wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral. I. I wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral. Just protect your fake baby. I'm hyperventilating. - Welcome back, Signora Roberts. - Thank you. She's very tired. - Take it. Take it. - Okay. Oh, let's hide. Let's hide. Julia? My name is Teresa. I thought I saw a friend of mine, someone that I know. No, absolutely not. You can't turn off the pressure sensors. No. Well, she can't touch it. She's a movie star. She's not the pope, for chrissake. You're from Smyrna, Georgia. You were born in 1967. - You like croquet and knitting. - Your middle name is Fiona. You've got 10 dogs, seven horses. - Your favorite color is peach. - She doesn't have more horses than dogs. - I can't do this. I can't. - Tess, we're out of time. - Julia, please. - Julia. No, we understand you're feeling insecure. That is totally natural. - You're playing an actress. They're insecure. - No, I'm not insecure. I'm freaking out. - Yes. That's right. - Brilliant! You're playing a role. No, you're playing a role. I'm apparently playing a real person. - Yeah, so? - It's just wrong. You mean, like, morally? No. Well, yes. Probably... It's not the point. The point is you want me to speak... ...for someone who's out there somewhere. It's too personal. More personal than your husband doing 25-to-life? He won't do 25-to-life. Benedict will have him killed immediately. - Don't. - I'm sorry, that was stupid. We're gonna be in and out in 10 minutes. We have to. That's our time frame. You don't even have to talk. Give them a big smile, wave at the cameras. - That's all she ever does. - But if you do say something... ...don't forget your accent. Drop your G's, and longer vowels. Room service. It's gonna be fine. You've gotta remember something. You are an image to these people. You're like an object. Nobody actually knows you. The last thing this is gonna be is personal. - Aren't you overdue? - Why are you in Rome? - I'm here on vacation. - I love you. You are not supposed to fly eight months pregnant. - I know. - Is Danny here? - Of course. - Danny. - No, no, I mean, he has... - He's working? - Yes. Yes and no. He's working. - In Rome? - Bruce. Glen Snackwell, publicity. - Hey, Glen. - I'm a big fan. - Thanks. Great. You fired Marcy? You fired Marcy. Two weeks ago, you told me I should go with Marcy. - I'm sorry. - Tell him what happened with Marcy, Glen. - There's a story? - Always a story with Marcy. - Marcy... Marcy... - You look fantastic. - Such a surprise. - You should sit down. I'm with the studio. Marcy's still very much in the picture. I just wanted to get you for a second. We're looking to come off this baby thing strong. You know, that little statue on the mantle starts smirking at you after a while. You know what I'm saying? - Not really, Glen, no. - Sorry. Yeah. Hey, Jules, that reminds me. I've been meaning to call you since the girls and I were in Taos. - It's so good to see you. - Come here. These are a mess. Anyway, Tallulah left her SpongeBob blanket in the red casita. - Okay. - So, what I wanna do... Here. - Thank you. - You're welcome. - Thanks, Bruce. - Is call Marcus... ...and have him get ahold of Louise so we can make arrangements to get it. He's home now, right? - Marcus... - I need to talk to Marcus. - That's so funny. What a coincidence. - Go ahead. Talk to him. Over by the window, with the reception. - Hello? - Hello, Marcus? No, it's Julia. Who's this? It's Julia. I'm with Bruce willis. You're with Bruce right now? Can I speak with him? Oh, yes, Tallulah's SpongeBob. - I'm sorry, can I talk to him for a sec? - Did it drop out? - Yes, it fell out. - That's been happening all week. - Put that phone away right now. - What? Hang it up and put it away. Do you have any idea how vulnerable... ...a fetus' ain is to the electromagnetic field created by your cell phone? You might as well point a gun at her stomach. - I'm Bruce willis. - Simon Leopold. - I am Julia's physician. - He's a doctor. What happened to Dr. Webber? - You know, Doc...? He was sick. - Dr. Webber is on vacation. - Well, he's sick. - He's sick on vacation. - Sick on vacation. - Don't you hate that? Sick on vacation. Sorry to have jumped on you, Mr. Willis. You do very good actings. Thank you. - Snackbar. - Snackwell. It doesn't matter. If we are to get there at 4:00 and do that... - I say 50-50. - Closer than that. - 2- 1 they don't make it to the museum. - 5- 1 they don't make it to the Egg Room. What? - She's still my wife. - She's a novice. You said so. - Led by an apprentice. - Being tracked by a pro. You want her to win. - Which her? - You know which her. - The one that started all this. - Right. - Good. For a minute... - why would I say that? It's not her fault. - It wasn't. - Okay, then. - Good. - Good. - I'm confused. - Yeah, who are you talking about? - Isabel. - Tess. - I loved it, but I figured it out. - Not a lot of people did. - That's amazing. - The second she doesn't... ...talk to you in the restaurant, I knew... You figured that out. - Yeah, I mean, the movie still works for me. - Great. Can we just...? Does she really need to be rushing this quickly? - She's practically jogging. - In Thailand... ...mothers routinely give birth in rice paddies and then go right back to work. - Amazing women over there. - Rice paddy? She will not have it in a rice paddy. She'll be at her own paddy. And she will be very comfortable because she will be strong... ... from this walk and this exercise. Was she worth it? Was Tess? The moment that she doesn't talk to you in the restaurant, I knew. - Your friends didn't tell you? - No. - That's when you figured it out, huh? - Yeah. - But the movie was still enjoyable for me. - Okay. Thanks. If everybody's so freaking smart, how come the movie did $675 million worldwide... ...theatrical? Julia. Doctor. Doctor, you might wanna call the rice paddy now. Seal off the museum. Nobody in or out. - Bring... Bring it, ing it. - Quickly, quickly. - Sit her down. Sit her down. - Everybody just relax. - Can you hear me? Talk to me. - She is fine. She is fine. She's good? Okay, that's it. We're done here. No more pictures. - Thank you, Bruce willis. - Just don't worry. - Thank you, museum. We are code four. - Walk slowly, like you're doing. We'll get you into the car as fast as we can. Okay, we're not stopping. Don't stop. - Hello. - We're on our way out. Isabel Lahiri, I'm with the museum. It is so great to meet you. - We're very late. - I'm sorry, this won't take long. I don't wanna be an annoying fan, but my boyfriend is such a huge fan. I can't let you leave unless you sign something for him. Do you mind? - That's very unorthodox. - Sorry, it won't take long. - What's his name? - His name's Robert. Aren't you a lefty? I thought you were a lefty. She is a lefty. Often pregnant women become ambidextrous. You are a big fan. She doesn't necessarily have to sign lefty. Oh, thanks so much. This is great. Okay. We're on the move. Thank you. You take care, now. And one more thing. I just got off the phone... ...with someone called Marcy who put you on a plane from Taos, New Mexico to L. A... ...where you have a 1:00 meeting about a film, Clowns Can't Sleep. Anyway, she just wanted me to let you know everyone's running a little late... ...and was wondering if you could make it at 1:30 instead. I knew it. Shame on you. I don't think we've met. Bruce. Isabel Lahiri. Nice to meet you. Do you really have a boyfriend? Or were you just...? Was that just part of the whole thing with them? So how'd it go? You Lahiri? I'm Section chief Molly Starr. I spoke to a very nice man at Europol this morning, commissioner Greisman. He wants you on the next flight to Amsterdam. There seems to be some irregularity with your paperwork. That one. Let's start with that one. Imagine yourself in a room... ...that's too short for you to stand up in and not wide enough for you to lie down in. A room with no light, no heat... ...and stone walls scratched by the teeth and nails of desperate men... ...men driven crazy by isolation. You will have rats for company... ...and a small window that looks out on the world that has passed you by. Your parents will grow old and die, just like your dreams. Your friends will forget your name, tell your stories as their own... ...because what good is a story when the person who owns it has vanished? - What do you want? - Testify against the others... ...in the Benedict case. The Italian charges will be dropped. You and the others will be extradited to the U.S. This afternoon. Plead, and you walk with parole. I can't. Think about it, Linus. For a moment there, I was already forgetting your name. Wait. Just hang on a sec. Linus. Right. Thanks. You okay? - Well, I blew the meet with Matsui. - Matsui? Let me guess. He pulled a Lost in Translation on you. That's his idea of fun for first-timers. - I mean... How do I not see these things? - Don't get down on yourself. - Obvious. - We talked about this. I hope Danny and Rusty appreciate the job you did in a tight jam. I am proud of you. - Thanks. - We both are. - You...? You told Dad? - I had to, sweetheart. - You told Dad? - We were on vacation. I'm sorry. Great. Thanks. You're gonna be dining out on this one for months. Hey, remember the time your mom had to come to Rome... I'm sorry. Every time with him. It's like... It's like a... It's like a... That was for keeping me in the dark. And that... That... ...is for making me a master thief. - And that... - Okay. ...is for ruining our second third anniversary. Okay. Okay? Come here. I'm sorry I kept you in the dark. I'm sorry that I made you a thief. - Master. - Master thief. And I'm very sorry that I ruined our second third anniversary. - Okay? - Okay. You forgive me? - A little. - All right. What was Bruce willis like? Was he...? Follow it. That's Ryan's car. Follow that one. Hey, wait, wait! What the hell is going on? Your father's alive, lzzy. Your mom lied to you... ...to keep you from him. He's alive. - What are you talking about? When they divorced, she told him if he contacted you, she'd go to the cops... ...with everything to put him in jail. How do you know that? And why should I believe you? I don't believe you, okay? You know where he is? I know somebody who does. There's nothing back there but a forged 1077. - No. Really? No. - No. That'd be horrible. It's hard, you know, for dinners. Well, you must have very good contacts. I hear it usually takes days to buy your way out. - Tess, this is François Toulour. - Madame Ocean, at last. - Hello. - He's French. Shouldn't you be somewhere else by now, like... ...Outer Mongolia, maybe? Well, before we get to that, we just wanted to ask you one question. - What is that? - How'd you do it? Oh, so that's why you came. You wanna know. Well, I guess that's normal. But I got another deal for you. You both recognize that I'm the best, and I'll tell you my secret. - Yeah. - That... Make it if you get him to tell us... ...and tell him that he is the best. - Oh, okay. - I won't tell him because you're the best. - All right. Thank you. All right. We'll tell you you're the best after you tell us how you did it. How can I refuse a dying man's last request? The egg arrived in Rome at 6:45 p.m. The Saturday before it went on display. - It was at the museum by 8 p.m. - Wait a minute, hold on. You stole it that evening? With the museum locked down? How'd you get in the building? How'd you get past the sensors? Why didn't my recon team see you? - Don't touch my thing. - I didn't touch your thing. Like it works. You got greasy hands, you put them on the lens. Now I can't see. - You can't see anything. - I see you. You look like a retard. You look like a retard. I'll pay you a million dollars if you don't speak for a month. One month. - I wanna eat your whole head. - Go ahead. A million dollars. No joke. Right. With no equipment, no rope. Of course. Come on, don't tell me you don't know how to do that. How did you get by the laser field in the Great Hall? The laser fields. Well... Okay. Toulour, you're the best. Well, thank you, Danny. Good. Now, if you can just get us our money... ...we'll be going. The money? What money? The money that you agreed to pay Benedict if we won. - We're under a deadline. - No, no, no, you don't understand. You didn't win. You lost. And not only did you lose... ...your entire crew got pinched. I gotta tell you something. You don't look anything like her. Eventually, the nose, but the ears... I mean, the way you walk and you dress... That means that you spoke to LeMarc. You spoke to LeMarc? Since I'm dead, I think my involvement in this should stay among the three of us. - Of course. - Absolutely. It's ironic that the solution to all of our problems will be provided by Toulour. I'm sure I provoked him by agreeing with my American friend that you might be better. I apologize sincerely for the trouble I've caused you. - There's no need. - Especially now. Remember, from the time you see Toulour at his villa and the challenge begins... ...you must assume he will have you under surveillance everywhere you go. You'll have to put on a very elaborate show. The egg, the real egg... ...will be carried in a backpack on a train leaving Gare du Nord... ...at 9:30 a.m. - Thank you. You saved our lives, Gaspar. Yeah. And I'm still getting the better of you. And I stole a replica? Your paintings are in a high-security warehouse in Milan. It's 17 via Andreotti, unit 222. - Security code is 2-3-1-1-6... - 6-4-6. Thank you. Listen, all games aside, that was... That was very good. That was good. How'd you do that? Well, I told you one story tonight. I think that'll be enough. So now... ...if you, both of you, could please... Now. - Whose house is this? - It belongs to a thief I know in Paris. He knows my father? Probably better than anyone. Who is he? - He helped with the whole Night Fox thing. - What's his name? His real name? I don't know, actually. I've only known him as LeMarc. LeMarc? Oh, my God. Where the hell have you been? Waiting. For what? For this. Oh, my God. So we done? Issue closed? - Is it actually good? - It's good. Trust me. I don't trust you, and I don't trust Ocean. If it's good, we're done. These grudges, they're awful. Nobody wins. Danny's had enough of this meshugaas. And the competition, it's worse than our business. Always some new young punk trying to prove himself. Guys like Ocean, they keep coming back. They don't like to lose. - Too much ego, too much pride. - Maybe for some guys, but not Danny. Trust me on that. Danny don't feel like he lost in all this. It's hard to believe, but that's how he feels. Well, if he tries anything... If anybody tries anything, I'll be waiting. Terry, I can't predict the future. I pay professionals to do that, and even they get it wrong sometimes. I can't say that nobody'll ever try to rob from you again. But I can say this: Lf, God forbid, anything does happen to you... ...we will not be involved. You better not be, Reuben. You better not be. Hey. Good to see you guys. You don't remember? You put me through hell, and you don't remember? - Hey. - Hey. - You're more beautiful than ever. - Hey! - Five-oh-five? - Four-oh-five. - Who's winning? - I'm little. - And you're big. - You're big? Oh, my God. - Hello. - Oh, my God. You're all under arrest. You're thieves. You're crooks. Isabel, Livingston Dell. Thank you. Isabel, Tess. The adult table. That's the kids' table. - Let me clear that for you. - I'm in. Can I get another beer? - I feel I know you. - Wait, wait. We didn't... we didn't bet. You want five? - Five. - So nasty. Okay. Is that a joke? Yes. - Jesus christ. - She's drunk!

Motherfucking cocksucker. Motherfucking shit fucker! What am I doing? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can. I know that's all I can ask of myself. But is that good enough? Is my work doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? The African guy's a sign, right? Because if he isn't... then nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I'm fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don't quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don't fucking quit. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to fucking do anymore. Fucker. Fuck! Shit! I'm glad we saved a piece of this marsh. I know it's small, but at least it's something. Don't stop fighting. We're going to save a lot more of this place. To cele ate, I have a poem I'd like to read. Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here, and that's what we need. Yeah, we did it. - Any press come? - Yeah, local paper's here. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just I have an appointment to check out this African guy. - What African guy? - Exactly. What African guy? Come on. Hello. Albert Markovski. I have a 1::00 appointment. Sorry, I'm late. This place is like a maze. Have a seat. We'll be right with you. Why don't you just tell me what your situation is. Look, I'm not really sure I know exactly what you guys do here, all right? Well, we, uh... We'll investigate and solve your case. - How? - If you sign a contract, we'll follow you. - You'll spy? - Yes. - On me? - Yes. - Will you be spying on me in the bathroom? - Yes. - In the bathroom? - Yes. - Why? - There's nothing too small. You know when police find the slightest bit of D.N.A. And build a case? If we might see you... you floss or masturbate... that could be the key to your entire reality. - So I'm hiring you to spy on me. - That's right. So we can figure out your situation and resolve your crisis. In addition, my associate will approach your case from a different angle. What do you mean a different angle? What does that mean? Regarding your perception of reality. He'll tell you about that. - Who sent you here? - Nobody. I found your card. - Where? - In some fancy restaurant that I'd never been to before. I didn't have the proper attire. So they let me borrow a suitjacket. I reached into my pocket, and there was your card. The weird thing is I always have a jacket. - But not that day? - No. - Brad Stand. - Hey. - Kind of a coincidence. - Yes, exactly. My case is a coincidence. - About the restaurant and thejacket? - No, no. That-That's... I'm talking about a big coincidence. It involves one man. It's a three-parter. Okay. Ready? First part. I went to a place called Schottinger's photo archives. I was there getting stills of early Bob Dylan. In comes this tall African guy. He's like 18 years old or something. You know, he's in there getting photos of Morris Chestnut... Shaquille O'Neal, Jim Carrey. He's an autograph hound. Kind of guy likes to get... glossies of famous people and get them signed. Two weeks later, I see the same African guy. He's working as a doorman at my friend's building. Oh, my God! - Who's your friend? - Jay Wendorff. But it's not his apartment. - It's his girlfriend's. - What's her name? Uh, Kelly. Kelly Coulter. So, okay, that's two. One time at Schottinger's photo archive... second time as the doorman. Third, I see this man, he's in a van at the mall. - What are you doing at the mall? - I'm working. I'm making a statement for the open spaces. Yeah, he's back. You crazy bastard. You don't plant no tree in this parking lot! I gotta come take that tree, remove it and let traffic through. You'rejust creatin' more work for me. - They're not always meaningful. - Yeah, it's meaningful. - Meaningful how? - That's what I want you to find out. - About your life. - Yeah, about my life. And about the whole thing. About the universe, you know? The big one. I mean, should I keep doing what I'm doing? Is it hopeless? Mr. Markovski, we see a lot of people in here... who claim they want to know the ultimate truth about reality. They want to peer under the surface at the big everything... but this can be a very painful process full of surprises. It can dismantle the world as you know it. That's why most people prefer to remain on the surface of things. Maybe you should go home. Let sleeping dogs lie. Take it easy. What do you say? I say don't give me the ush-off. Please. I want to know. This is big. - Have you ever transcended space and time? - Yes. No. Uh, time not space. No, I don't know what you're talking about. I take it you don't make very much money, Mr. Markovski. Is that gonna be a problem? Are you expensive, what you do? We have a sliding scale. Some of our clients pay $30 a week. Some of our wealthy clients pay several thousand a week. I can't believe you guys actually exist. How long have you been doing this? - Seventeen years, 352 cases. - That's crazy. I'm gonna have to ask you to please steer clear of my office... because my work situation is a little shaky, all right? You want us to stay away from your job? Yeah. If you come snooping around my office... it could make me look unstable and it could hurt me. I want you to meet my colleague. - Bernard? - Uh-huh. - This is Mr. Markovski. - Hi. - He's going to have to be pro bono. - Okay. Sounds good. Thank you very much for taking on my case. - Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome. - Hold on. - He hasn't signed a contract. - Let's do this and then we'll get to the contract. - It's too much too soon. - It's always too much too soon. That's the nature of the beast. - Approach, patience, finesse. - Will you stop? - Come on. - We need to start with his specifics, Bernard. We need to go past logic though. Come on. Let's go. - Give me a kiss. Come on. - Okay. Will you tell me where we're having dinner tonight? - Korean barbecue. - Really? Okay, let's get started. Is this part of my investigation? Yes. Say this blanket represents all the matter and energy in the universe, okay? You, me, everything. Nothing has been left out, all right? All the particles, everything. - What's outside this blanket? - More blankets. That's the point. - Blanket's everything. - Exactly. This is everything. Let's just say that this is me, all right? And I'm, what, 60-odd years old and I'm wearing a gray suit. Blah, blah, blah. And let's say over here, this is you. And, you're... I don't know, you're 21. You got dark hair, etc. And over here, this is Vivian, my wife and colleague. Then over here, this is the Eiffel tower, right? It's Paris. And this is a war. And this is, uh, a museum. And this is a disease. And this is an orgasm. And this is a hamburger. - Everything is the same even if it's different. - Exactly. But our everyday mind forgets this. We think everything is separate. Limited. I'm over here. You're over there. Which is true. But it's not the whole truth because we're all connected. Because we... are connected. - Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. - Okay? - Yeah. - All right, now, we need to learn... how to see the blanket truth all the time. Right in the everyday stuff. And that's what this is for. - Why? - Why what? Why do I need to learn how to see the blanket thing all the time in the everyday stuff? You wouldn't want to miss out on the big picture, would you? - Uh-uh. - That's partly why you're here, right? And this is it. I'm talking about it right now. It will take a while for you to get it, you know? But... it will help you. - How? - When you get the blanket thing you can relax... because everything you could ever want or be, you already have and are. - That sound pretty good? - That sounds very good. - All right, get in. - You want me to get in? - So, get in here? - Yeah. - What's going to happen to me in there? - Oh, hey, you're gonna see. You'll find out. The purpose of this suit, Mr. Markovski, is to help shut down... your everyday perceptions and give up your usual identity... that you think separates you from everything. This room, this street... this town, this country, this economy... this history, this planet. Your body, your senses, yourjob. Everything that you identify with. Hey, man. How's it going? You're an asshole. We will fucking destroy you, deary. Got Shaquille O'Neal. I like Shaq. Hey. - Brad Stand. - Hey, how are you? So what's the Open Spaces take on that? Well, I think you guys can definitely rebuild in areas... that are already run-down instead of tearing up new land. - New land. New land. - We're open to that. That's who we are at Open Spaces. We can't throw that away. We're not asking you to throw that away. I'm not gonna bullshit you, right? Part of this is we took a beating in the press for all our growth. Opening so many stores in such a short time. So if we work with you and your Open Spaces Coalition... is that gonna help the Huckabees image? Yes. Does it help me? Yes. Do I benefit from getting some great P.R. For Huckabees when we need it? Absolutely. But do I care about saving the open spaces? Yes, I do. Don't look at me. What's wrong with you? Beat it, you little pussy. - What's wrong with you? - Pussy. - You're an asshole. - How are you? Okay? You doing okay? I thought you said that was going to relax me. Eventually, but you have to practice at home. Okay? You got a lot of layers in there, don't you? Huh? All right? - Yeah. - Okay. How am I supposed to practice at home? I don't have one of these. It doesn't matter. What you can do... It... Just use an eye mask or shut your eyes, okay? Oh. Oh. Um, hi. What should I be doing? Whatever you normally do. I wanted to thank you for what you did with the oak tree. I played in that tree when I was little. I thought we had a chance... but they chopped it to pieces. Hi. I have some questions... about power lines over the playground where my daughter goes to school. Please call me. I'm Marjorie at 96... - Hey, we got to talk, man. - Hey, what's going on? Where is everybody? - Brad moved the meeting. - He what? - To Huckabees corporate. - Listen. Okay. I want you to do this. I want you to get me the national office on the phone right now. Call Orrin Spence and tell him that Brad is trying to hijack my coalition. - This should've gone to the other chapter a week ago. - I want those flyers... - outta the parking lot. - It's a free country. The poems work. - Oh, you are pissing people off. - Oh, no, I'm not. - Yeah, you really are. You're pissing people... - No, I'm not. If my poems had gone out with the Shania mailing, it'd be a different story. You know what? You're not leading this coalition anymore. - I am the coalition. I wrote the charter. - Uh-huh. Not for long. - Tell him it's important. - I'm not going to any meeting at Huckabees. - I can't get 'em. - Can you just keep trying? Just keep trying. Orrin Spence. Brad cannot do this to us, all right? - How can she get you out of the charter, man? - She can't! This is my work situation, the one I was telling you about. It's a little... I'll describe it later to you if we could just... - Don't worry, Albert. We're gonna knock that meeting on its ass. - Copy these and get these out. You're fighting suburban sprawl and this fellow, Brad Stand, and you have had a falling out. Remember, I told you not to come by my work? Oh, yes, I remember. Now, tell me, did the coalition inspire the poetry? - Or did the poetry inspire the coalition? - This is looking weird. - Can we schedule a time when you can come by? - This thread of your... This has nothing to do with my coincidence. My coincidence has to do with an African man. Viv! Viv! Mr. Corn is having a crisis. You better talk to him. Mr. Corn, crisis. - Tommy, what is it? - I got a serious situation here. - Tell me what's happening. - She wants to talk about my work situation. - I want to know about my coincidences. - What's happening now? This is what's happening now. She's spying... - Talking about the blanket. - I don't want to do the blanket right now. Like this. Wait a minute. Whoa. What's going on? I need facts, Bernard, to piece together a theory. No time for infinity? Gotta piece together a theory? - This isn't cool. - What? What? Listen, you go visit Mr. Corn. His wife is leaving him. I think I've got a really hot lead, Bernard. Albert, the universe is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere... and whose circumference is nowhere. Well, how can the center be everywhere if... - She just dove into the back of Angela's car. - You gotta keep using the method. I gotta check on... on, uh, Mr. Corn right now, okay? That method works. Don't forget to use it, all right? Mmm. Mmm! Mm. Jimbo, everything on this lawn goes. The microwave, the coffee grinder. Baby! Baby, come on. Don't do this, please. Hey, don't do this. - You don't need anyone. - That's not true. I need you guys. If nothing matters, how can I matter? I don't know if nothingness matters or somethingness matters. I'm trying to figure that out and I want you to help me. Somethingness, nothingness. You know what? L-l-l... You figure it out. Let go! Let go of me! Okay, uh, hold on now. Tell me what happened. Okay? She won't stay and share this with me. - T-Tell me what that is. - It's important to me. I see it so clearly. - Yeah? - You use petroleum, you're a murderer. That's a fact. - Yes, yes, yes. - Murderer. A murderer? One... killin' the ozone and all the creatures that it's hurting? - Calm down. - Two... killing Arabs in oil- producing dictatorships... where everybody is poor... that is cruelty and it's inhumane. - You've talked to me about this. - So if this world is temporary... - Yeah. - Identity is an illusion... - Yeah. - Then everything is meaningless and it doesn't matter if you... - No. It... - That's got me very confused. No, it matters. It matters. It matters. Look, Tommy. See, this is the universe. And that's our galaxy over here. - What universe? - What universe? This. Tommy, come on. Come on. There's dust and gas there. - Yeah? - There's us over here... and good and bad luck in the middle. - That's chaos. That's my B. - This doesn't sound like you. - No, Vauban talks about space. - Where'd you get that book? - You sent it to me. - No, no. We would never give you this book. - You didn't send this? - Caterine Vauban's full of shit. What is she doing here? God, she never leaves Paris. This is insane. - This is a pretty good book. You should read this. - What? She says nothing's connected, doesn't matter what you do... you can drive a car, you can burn up gas... - Yeah? - Which would explain the way things actually are... where people do destructive things like it doesn't matter. Tommy, Tommy, everything is connected and everything matters. There's not an atom in our bodies... that has not been forged in the furnace of the sun. - Now, isn't that cool? Huh? - Yes. - That's a cool thing, isn't it? - But... But what? You tell me where she contradicts that. - Oh, right here. - Where? Where? - There... - Where? Less than 5 of the cosmos is composed of the same elements that compose human life. - You know... - There you go. That means we're all alone... and we're miserable and isolated. Molly, if you... Listen. If you... If you leave him before he gets done dismantling... he will never make it to the other side, okay? You know what? I'm done with the dismantling. - You don't want to ask these questions? - No! I want to live my life! What is that life, baby? What are we part of? Who are we? Look at this. Do you know where these come from? - Yeah, my closet. - Indonesia. - The store. - Baby, this is the truth, okay? Little girls like you, they have to work in dark factories... where they go blind for $1.60 a month just to make Mommy her pretty shoes. - Can you imagine that, Caitlin? - I don't want the children to work in factories! Don't listen, honey. Daddy is crazy. Daddy's not crazy, baby. The world is crazy. - It's important to ask questions. - Don't let them go blind! Mommy doesn't ask 'cause Mommy doesn't care. - Don't stop asking questions, baby. - Damn you! - How dare you! - Skippy, put her in the car, will ya? - Less than 5 of the cosmos... - Give me the teddy! Is composed of the same elements that compose human life. - What does that matter? - You should be asking these questions, Skip. Guys, give him a eak. His therapist is down here to help him out. Excuse me. What did you call me? - You're his therapist? - No, I'm... not his therapist. We need to talk 'cause this book is making a lot of sense to me and I want... And what is Caterine Vauban doing in the United States? What the hell are you talking about? No, no, wait. This is really good. You think that's funny? I got a story for you. - It's only four months old. - Wait. Wait. Listen. Listen. Listen to the master, all right? I'm with Shania. We're opening a megastore down by the loop. Shania's there promoting her apparel, right? It's 4:00 and she's starving. So I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches, no mayo. Stop it! Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Shania hates mayo, all right? And she can't eat chicken salad. That's no joke, all right? We gave it to her once, she threw up in the limo. - She's vomiting all over the limo. - The lady hates chicken salad. So I ing out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches. She still doesn't believe me. I say, Shania, I'm allergic to mayo. - Which, by the way, is a lie. - He loves mayo! He loves it. Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it. So she eats one and a half sandwiches. One and a half sandwiches... before she realizes... it's chicken salad. - And she actually likes it. - She did not vomit. He made her change her mind. And that's what they want upstairs in corporate, okay? Excuse me? Can I help you? - Shh. Shh. Shh. - Excuse me? Yes, I'm here for the Open Spaces meeting with Brad Stand. Okay, well, then you are in the wrong area entirely. Come on. - I'll show you where to go. - You're very, very helpful. Thanks a lot. There's no reason for you to be up here. This is an executive private floor. It's for... Come on. Let's pick it up. Heel to toe. Unless you're an executive or an executive's assistant... or someone who is a... No. No, ma'am. Shania has no song for you. Let's move it along this way. You're supposed to be on another floor. Security is very tight in this building. Or at least I thought it was very tight in this building. Of course, every now and then we get somebody... who gets off on the wrong floor. And then people flitting about... At Huckabees, the everything store. Let me try that one more time. L... l... Okay. Tops and mops. 50 off all women's shirts and hair products. This week only. At Huckabees, the everything store. Uh, Dawn, can we do it one more time? I think we can do it better. - I suck, Daryl. I really sucked. - You're doing great, Dawn. - I can't do this. I can't do it. - Don't give me that face. I don't know what's wrong with me. Your voice is the trademark voice of Huckabees. Oh, there she is! You're one sneaky lady. I was almost in the elevators. We're going now. Let's move it along. There we go. I'll show you where you need to go. Moved my meeting to the Huckabees corporation. I saved this rock. I'm going to save this place. They're not gonna save this place. Rat-fucking-bastard Brad Stand. Corporate prick bastard. Oh, motherfucking dickhead. Betrayed by Albert Markovski. Is it possible for anybody in this world to work together to make it better? I don't think so. It was Albert's vision. This whole thing was Albert's vision. - Tell me about Brad. - Albert let him in, which was a mistake. - Fuck! - He has been enormously helpful... He dropped Albert's poems from the benefit. And the mailing. Settle down. Someone tell me about the woods and the marsh. MaryJane, this is your story. Why don't you do it? My great grandfather owned the woods and the marsh. We deeded them over to the municipality in 1972. In perpetuity for the public. - Tell me why. - We just wanted to share this beautiful place. And now the town is looking at subclauses. - All of the sudden wants yet another mall... and houses on this beautiful marsh. - So we're fighting it. - We are fighting it. - We have to save the marsh. - Sorry I'm late, guys. I got the photo of the wetlands right here! It looks beautiful! Here's the marsh and woods we're going to save. This photo says good times and peace. Shania's right here. No silly poetry. Let the beauty speak for itself. This is where the littlejack-in-the-pulpits live. An image is always better. You've gotta reach people quick. They don't understand poems. They don't want to hear poems. They have no time for them. They think too much. Open Spaces T's for everyone. MaryJane. - Extra small for your grandson, right? - You shouldn't have. Open Spaces T's and here is the schedule for the benefit. First up, cocktails. Then, MaryJane... you introduce the marsh video, background story, animals, plants and stuff. Angela, you speak. Marty speaks for Huckabees. I speak. Then Shania sings. Shania Twain entertains us. - Hi, have we met? - No. Vivian Jaffe. - Brad Stand. - She's a perspective from... Albert Markovski. - Sorry, that's not gonna work. - What's the matter with that? - How are you connected? - Through an investigation. I worry about that guy. He alienates people. What kind of investigation? Existential. I'd like to ask a few questions if you don't mind. Actually we do. We do because we've got to meet, and we're a little late. Sounds kind of interesting though. Have you got a card? - Yes. - I don't mean to give you a hard time. Existential? Is that like a therapy? Okay, let's go, sneaky lady. Let's step it outside. I told you to stay away from my work situation! To solve your coincidence, we have to put it into context. Brad Stand seems very important. So you come by Huckabees corporate and say you're my fucking existential detectives? - I'm lucky if I last another day! - We can solve your case sooner if you're straight with us. I'm being straight with you. Brad smeared me... and took the coalition in a different direction. - That's straight. - At Schottinger's photo archive where you met Mr. Nimieri... Who's Mr... Who's that? - The African guy. - That's the African guy from my coincidence. - This is what I wanna talk about. - It wasn't your first time at Schottinger's, was it? - Did I say it was? - You did. You agree it wasn't? Sure. It wasn't my first time. Big deal. It was more like a regular thing with you. And you weren't finding a still of Bob Dylan. You were planting photos of yourself in the archive. - What are you getting at? - Why would you do something like that? To be noticed. Maybe urgently. - Maybe, yeah. - Uh-huh. How did that affect things with Brad at the coalition? How did it affect things at the coalition? I don't know. You know, it was a drag. It really was a drag. Because I wanted my poems to go out with the fund-raiser mailing. Brad didn't. He was all obsessed with Shania and Pete Sampras. Not what we were really supposed to be focusing on... hurt. You planted photos of yourself and your poems at Schottinger's. Brad didn't respect you. - No, he didn't. - And yet you ought him into the open spaces coalition. - Why is that? - I needed the sponsor to take my cause to another level. That's why. Why else would I do it? - Like we said. To be noticed. - This is absurd. Show me my folder. - No. That is not productive. - At the photo archive, you spent a lot of time... Iooking at old Jessica Lange bathing suit stills, why? That's only because Lange comes before Markovski. I was putting my head shots under Markovski, and then L is right before it. I might've looked at a little bit of Lange on the way out. What's the big deal? - Albert, baby, come on. - What, is it a crime? Is it a crime to look at Lange? - Have you ever been in love? - What kind of question is that? - Do you even believe in love? - Or do you only have fantasy relationships... because anything else would be too painful? Bernard, excuse me. But I'm making some progress here. So am I, darling. So am I. Oh, no, no. I'm not going in that thing. Every time I go in there... it's all hating faces that I have to chop up with a machete. And then they multiply. And we're going to address that right now. - Okay? - I'll leave it to you. Come on. You can't retreat. Back into the fray, Albert. Let's go. I'm in your corner. Okay, Albert, I want you to melt your usual identity like you did before. Stop looking at me. I said stop looking at me. - Dawn is gonna love doing spots for the open spaces. - Who's Dawn? Miss Huckabees. Dawn. - She loves your poems. The one about the rock. - Nobody sits like this rock sits. That's the one. She loves poems. She loves forests, meadows, getting outside. We'll just throw theJet Skis on the trailer and head to the mountains. Wait, you guys... You go with MissHuckabees? - She was doing some print work for us... - Albert? Albert? Forget Brad. Come back to me. Where are you? Where are you? Albert. Picture a tree in a field. Good. Now put someone you respect in the tree. - Hey, dickweed. - Still Brad Stand. - Add someone else. - Like who? You know, someone who can understand things. Someone who can help you. - Who's your guide? - Well, I use Magritte, a Belgian surrealist. - I got someone. - Who is it? Mrs. Schirmir. She was my high school English teacher. She helped me. - All right, good. - He pushed her out of the tree. Okay, Mrs. Schirmir has a vacuum cleaner, Albert, that sucks up fear. Now she's going to send you rays of security and complete acceptance. He chopped her head off! Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You're doing well. Now, don't give up now. Didn't she vacuum a lot? But then he vacuumed her. I had to chop him up with a machete. Okay, Albert. I can let you in on a couple of secrets. One, your mind is always occupied on something... so it may as well be something helpful like Mrs. Schirmir and her vacuum cleaner. Two, there is no such thing as you and me. So then there's just nothing? Three, there's no such thing as nothing. There is no remainder in the mathematics of infinity. There's only the blanket. I thought I understood the blanket. Now I'm not sure. Flags and bags! Huckabees says, Happy birthday, Mr. President. 50 off all knapsacks and pocketbooks. Oh, say, can you see how good this looks? Let freedom ring. At Huckabees... the everything store. Huckabees cornucopia of stuff we all want. But what happened to the gazelles? Were they squashed... under the CD department? - Hey, Albert, how's it goin'? - What are you doing here, Brad? I met Brad when I was investigating you. He called with his own existential conundrum. That's all. - I'm really glad I found out about these people. - That's bullshit. He doesn't care about things like this. Bring me the African guy. Where's that African guy? - Dude, what're you talking about? - Why does he get to write poetry? There's no gazelles in North America. Just so you know. And that building squashing nature is my imagery. You don't write poetry. Everyone's intake procedure is different. I asked Brad to write a poem. And it wasn't enough that you came to my coalition... now you have to come here and do... Okay, okay. All right, that's good. We're the same, Brad. It's all the blanket. There you go. Give it a shot. - That is wonderful, Albert. - Oh, honey, he's got it. How are things at the coalition, Brad? Great. Much smoother. Great, I look forward to coming back and working with you. I don't think that's going to happen, my friend. I'm still in the charter. I built the coalition from scratch. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't want to cramp you here. That's what you mean to do! That's exactly what you mean to do! - What? - What? - What? You see what he's doing? Tell them what you're doing. - What? - He's come here to conquer you like he conquered my coalition. And now he's here today to unnerve me so that when Orrin comes to town, I will blow it. - That's what you mean to do. - Albert, please! - Oh, my God, Brad. You're killing me. - What are you talking about? What am I talking... Okay, when Orrin comes, I'll blow it. I'll get kicked out, and then he can do whatever he wants with the coalition. - Who's Orrin? - Orrin is the Open Spaces national director. He's coming to review our charter. I hope this isn't about Dawn. He has a crush on my girlfriend. - That's crazy! - Why do you stare at her? She's a model! - I'm going home. - Oh, no! Albert, please. Stay with us for mancala hour. I'm gonna have a fucking ball at mancala hour, aren't I? Maybe Albert should meet his other. What? Tommy? No, that's a bad idea right now. Yes, a dicey move. Maybe even dangerous, but potentially inspired. Bernard, give them both a connection. Maybe, but Tommy's in a bad direction. It could spread to Albert. You said Tommy was gonna be fine. What are you leaving out? Nothing. Give him his other. It's an inspired idea. It's groovy. The connection will come back to us, Bernard. - It all comes around. Like you say, take the long view. - Long view. - What's the other? - We're going to find out right now. Shh. There was a drought. There was no crop. No olives. No soul of life. No rabbit in the oven. We mashed locusts and made ead. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I thought we were going to talk about petroleum. Mrs. Echevarria visits us once a year from Spain. She's sort of a little treat for our clients. A kind of spiritual petit four. Something that would be useful for you to be accustomed to. - Yeah, a real treat. - You have received your answer. Senorita, the petroleum situation was not created by nature... like the drought or the olives or any of that. It was created by people, and this is the facts. It was created by people who act like nothing's happening... - and that's causing all the problems. - No, no, Tommy. - One question only. Uno. - Okay. - Here's the question... - No, no. I think... You've had your question and the answer, Tommy, please. Senora is tired. Senorita, why do people only ask themselves deep questions... when something really bad happens? Then they forget all about it after. Right? How come people are self-destructive? And third, I refuse to use petroleum... but there's no way I can stop its use in my lifetime, is there? Jimmy Carter would have a great electric car by now. I could have a Cadillac Escalade, and it would be electric. - I wouldn't have to ride on my bicycle. - That is three questions. I paid my money and I want a fucking answer. So just give me a second. I know, dear boy. We wanted you to meet Albert. - I thought you said next week. - It turns out he can use a connection sooner than later. Tommy has been working with us since that... The big September thing. He's going to be your other. - What is it exactly? - Like a buddy system I think. When we dismantle, it can get kind of rough. And it helps... to have a friend going through the same. Do you drive a car? A bike. Sometimes I take the bus. Good. That's good. I like that. I can see why they put us together. - Tommy Corn. - Albert Markovski. - I'll be your other. - Join us for mancala hour. - Come. Come. Gracias, senora. - What's happening with your case? - I don't know. - What do you mean? - They won't let me see my coincidence file. You want them to solve a coincidence? That's why you came here? - Yeah, that's why I came here. - Who's the girl? The face of Huckabees. - Tops and mops? - That's her. - I doubt your coincidence is meaningful. - Why? I have a book by a French thinker named Caterine Vauban. She says the same thing they say here about dismantling your reality to see the big picture. - What's the difference? - Here, they say everything's connected in the blanket. Vauban says nothing's connected. It's all random and cruel. It doesn't matter what you do. That's nihilism, Tommy! They find it threatening. But it is very convincing. You know, my ex-girl won't let me see my daughter. She's ainwashing her not to think or feel. - What kind of reality is that? - Not this one. Exactly. I think you shouldjust look in your file if you want to. - How am I gonna look at my file? - You wanna see your file? I'll distract them. You slip in for it. Act naturally. Here comes your boy. Hey, you play mancala? Didn't know you were interested in existential issues, Brad. Why? 'Cause I'm a dumb sales executive instead of a sensitive artist like you? No, I just never heard you talk about it. That's all. Why do you think I joined the Open Spaces Coalition, man? - I thought you cared about the issues. - I do. Obviously you had a different agenda, didn't you? - What books do you read? - What books do I read? PhilJackson's Sacred Hoops. Really. I read the galleys when it arrived at Huckabees, and you know what? Seriously, that book's got some good questions. You should read it. Isn't it sports questions in that book? No, wise ass. PhilJackson's a smart guy. All right, come on. It was an honest question, Brad. Felt a little hostile. I feel the same thing from him. - Who the hell are you? - Who the hell are you? You wanna go? Get out of here man. Hey, don't be a jerk, buddy. Come on. Don't be a... - That's funny! He pushed him! - It is not funny! - Hey, he assaulted me, man. He tried to attack me. - Hey! - I tried to... You're dancing with my girl. - Yeah. - You wanna dance? - No, I don't wanna dance. - Look at me. Come on. - What? - You want to go at him, right? - Yeah. No, I don't want to go. He grabbed my girl. All right, you guys wanna have a go at each other, right? You wanna have a go at each other. You want to go backwards? The reptiles have been eating each other for years. You want to be back on all fours? Right? Primitive? Come on! That's spirit you wanna keep for the battles inside. - What are you doing? - I, um... Bernard... The dismantling thing with the whole... You know, all the poetry stuff... But I got it. It's no big deal. Because I got it now, okay? Every relationship is possible, guys. Brothers, husbands, child. Security each. He oke into his file. - What did you do, Albert? This is my investigation now! You think you know what you're doing? You haven't even begun... to dismantle your identity or your fear. Albert's gotta do what he's gotta do. Anybody think they know better? - Want to take a shot? - It's my coincidence. Nobody? Yeah, nobody. Sorry I grabbed you. - Reptilian. - Man, come on. - Hey, is that him there? - Yeah, that's him. - Hey. - My goodness, it is you. Yeah, it's me Albert. How are you? This is my friend Tommy. Hey. Tommy Corn. How are you? - This is the fourth coincidence? - No, I came here on purpose. I was wondering about our coincidences and what they mean. We were just wondering if we spent time, maybe try to understand it. - Perhaps you can be my guests for dinner. - That would be great, huh? - Yeah, that'd be great. - Wait here. I must ask my mom. Guys, guys! My ball! My ball! Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily ead and forgive us our trespasses... as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. Forever and ever, Amen. Amen. Steven, how'd you end up working as a doorman? It is our immigration agreement. We must work. The building supervisor hired Steven as a member of our congregation. - He was so skinny. - Skeleton man from Africa. Skeleton man... - What did we say about that? - I don't want to hear it again. It'll be no Internet tonight. Didn't know what a can opener was. He opened cans with a big knife like at the camp. There aren't lions roaming here but there were in Sudan, and the orphan boys got chased. - And one time, a big alligator bit his friend's head off. - It was a crocodile. He wanted to know where all the meat comes from since he didn't see any cows. Guys, that's enough! Albert, what ought you to the philosophical club? You mean the existential detectives? - Sounds like a support group. - Why can't he use a church? Sometimes people have additional questions to be answered. - Like what? - Well, um, for instance... If the forms of this world die, which is more real... the me that dies or the me that's infinite? Can I trust my habitual mind or do I need to learn to look beneath those things? Sounds like we got a philosopher. We don't have to ask those kinds of questions, do we, Mom? - No, honey. - What happened to the cat, Albert? H-How'd you know about my cat? - The cat was killed by curiosity. - Right. That cat. - What do you do? - I'm the director of the Open Spaces Coalition. - We fight suburban sprawl. - What's suburban sprawl? Ask Steven. He could have used a little suburban sprawl in Sudan. Excuse me, Dad? Industry, houses, jobs, restaurants, medicine... You can preserve a lot of open spaces and have jobs for people with... - I beg your pardon, Albert. I wasn't finished. - Sorry, sir. Clothes, videos, toys, cheeseburgers, cars, a functioning economy. You can still have a functioning economy and preserve open spaces with a little planning. - Yeah. - Socialism. Complete disaster. - Theodore Roosevelt was a socialist? And Yeats? - Theodore Roosevelt... Henry David Thoreau, Robinson Jeffers, the National Geographic Society, all socialists? - You're talking about socialism. - No, I'm not. I'm talking about... not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls... until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk. - What happens in the meadow at dusk? - Everything. - Nothing! - Everything! - It's beautiful. - It's beautiful. I work for an electrical engineering firm, son. We do a lot of commercial and residential contracts. If development stops, so does my paycheck. Then Steven couldn't be here as our guest, could he? So your ideas hurt Steven. I'm not hurting Steven. That's an outrageous accusation. - Don't use that tone of voice in my house. - I think you started that tone. And I think it's entirely possible for your engineering firm to have jobs for people... preserve open spaces, have contracts, do the... Whoa. Whoa. - What's he doing? - Why's he closing his eyes? Cricket, I don't know. - Do you have a job, Tom? - I'm a firefighter. Oh, God bless you. A hero. I'm not a hero. We'd all be heroes if we quit using petroleum though. - Excuse me? - Say you're Christians living byJesus' principles. Are you? Jesus is never mad at us if we live with him in our hearts. I hate to eak it to you, but he is. He most definitely is. All right. That's enough. Steven, I don't know what this is about. Why they're here... - Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. I did not know. - Stevo, I'm so disappointed. It's all right. Look, he's sad. He's sad. I'm sorry, Stevo. My bad. You didn't know. - You should be ashamed of yourself. - I should be what? - You should be ashamed of yourself. - Why should I be ashamed? - You're a hypocrite. - I'm a what? You're misleading these children. 'Cause you're the destroyer, man. - How am I the destroyer? - I saw that S.U. V. Out there. My car's the destroyer? You wanna know how many miles per gallon I get? Steven, I need to ask a question. It's why I came here. Why are autographs so important to you? It is a pastime with this family which they have taught me. - Which I can now carry on. - It's just for fun. For entertainment. No games at the table, please. Yes. 260. And I've reached the omega level. Destroyer. Destroyer. Destroyer. God gave us oil! He gave it to us! How can God's gift be bad? He gave you a ain too and you messed that up pretty good... I want you sons of bitches out of my house now. If Hitler were alive, he'd tell you not to think about oil. You're the Hitler! We took a Sudanese refugee into our home! You did. But how did Sudan happen, ma'am? Could it possibly be related to dictatorships... that we support for some stupid reason? - You shut up! You get out. - You shut up. Come on. Let's get out of here. - Later, Steve. - God bless you. - Wow. - What's going on in there? - Crazy. - I can't believe them. - Hi, guys. - Oh, Christ. You guys get anything good in there? You didn't, did you? You hesitated over the mention of a cat. What does that mean? - It means nothing. Just like my coincidence. - Cat seemed to hit a nerve. Yeah, I had a cat once. You caught me. You're amazing. The method worked. I saw it. It seemed to calm you down, right? What method? Come on with that method. That's a tranquilizer so people don't get pissed... about the painful, ugly truth... you know it. No, Tommy. It penetrates a unified infinity of everything. We're not in infinity. We're in the suburbs. Infinity is everywhere. That's what makes it infinity. Okay, how does this connect? Mr. Nimieri's an orphan from Sudan... who was chased by soldiers and crocodiles. - How does the love glow fit into that, man? - It's connected. Albert and Mr. Nimieri share a great deal. It's just that... - Oh! Oh, my God. - What's she doing here? That's Caterine. - This is worse than I thought. - Oh, it's much worse. The meeting's going down at Huckabees right now. Let's go. - Hey, everybody. Calm down. The national office recognizes the charter. We're here today to give the director a chance to even the keel. - So just give him a eak. - Thank you, Orrin. - Okay, first director now. Silence. - Excuse me. First, I would like to apologize for my part of the fight... that I had with Brad Stand a little while ago over the poems... that did not go out with the Shania mailing. - Where's Brad? - Brad. Brad. Brad. It's all Brad, Brad. The big benefit's coming up with Brad... and Brad's running it and it's going to go great. So, look, we're overlooking our core issues. - Brad is not here. - So to get us back on track... I have a new poem I'd like to read. Point of order, please. Apoint of order. I want to discuss this strategy of poems, which are getting us nowhere. Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am. Poems are amazing, okay? They will help you and your mind transform. Who the hell are you? I'm with Albert. It will help you... to transform your mind into thinking differently. - You guys need this, okay? This is great. - Where's Brad? This is called An Open Meadow. An open meadow, an open marsh in a cloudless sky. - Boring. - A crane flies. - Oh, Brad's here! - Look what I got you, MaryJane. - Oh, is that for my grandson? - It most certainly is. I'm talking here. Come on. Shit. You know what? Let me just finish reading my poem... and then we'll review our strategy, okay? - Good job, Albert. - Can it be taped? Excuse me, Brad. I would like to finish reading my poem, please. Thank you. - Relax. Not doing your poem. - Don't give me the relax thing, Brad. Let him read the poem, man. He was in the middle of it. That man is not in our coalition. He has no right to be here and no right to speak. No, ma'am, I'm not a member, but I am a local firefighter. He's a great firefighter and exactly who we want on our side. I don't know who these men are. They're not members of our coalition. They're working on the benefit. They're inging a lot of support for our cause. - Conflict is an illusion. - Shut up, Brad. Hey, Albert, that's not the way a director behaves. Why are you guys wasting all your time fighting each other? I mean, come on. Serious. Put the egos aside for a second, guys, please. Deal with this issues, okay. We have a deadly petroleum situation, not to mention... - Shut up! Shut... - Cystic Fi osis. Civil war in Africa. Toxic fish. You have children in your own community going to prison. Father Flavin doesn't have the money to help them. Ma'am, listen to me. This is exactly the unfocused, idealistic approach... - by Mr. Markovski that's killing us dead. Killing us dead. Our mission has nothing to do... with this nut's petroleum fixation. - What did you just call me? - Cystic toxic what? America wants to drive cars, right? I have a B.M.W. S.U.V. And I like driving it. I'm sorry. Excuse me. You got to give me a chance, all right? - This is my meeting. I'm the director. - We gave you a chance. - You're out of the charter. - He can't be out of the charter. He is the charter. - I wrote it. - Marty, call security. I think you should call... - I move to vote. - Second! All in favor of Brad becoming the new leader of the coalition, say aye. - Aye! - Hey, come on. - That's bullshit. - Congratulations. Be strong. Be strong 'cause you're going to be back. Don't worry about those people. They don't appreciate you. Albert, what happened in there is reality. It's cruelty and it's chaos. The detectives are wrong. What were you trying to do? You were trying to do a good thing, right? Well, look what happened. I'm going to the other side, Albert. I seriously suggest... you consider coming with me... as my other. - Albert... - You're wrong! - You're full of shit. You guys got nothing to offer, man. - Tommy, no... - This is the money right now. Yes? - No! You know how hurt you feel? This is the perfect opportunity to dismantle now. - Stay away from me! - Stop! Look! Listen! Throughout infinity... your energy recycles into every possible relation... to everyone else's energy, even Brad's. You've been predator and prey with him. Friends, enemies, other, sister, mother, child. I give and I give and I give... and he takes and he takes and he takes. - Mama. - All right, baby. All right. - Yahhh! - It's a romantic fantasy. And you left that part out, okay? When you were taking my cash. I want it back. Yeah, and if I wasn't pro bono, I'd want my money back too. Send it to my ex for my kids. - Hey, sign your bike out. Sign your bike out! - Tommy, come on! Go! I'll block for you. Cocksucker! Motherfucking bitch ass motherfucking cocksucker! You're all a bunch of big babies! Maybe I should just quit. I mean, what's the point of life anyway? I can answer these questions for you. You can? Because I don't think the other guys are doing such a hot job. Believe me, I can. You're the writer Tommy's into? Are you unhappy with their work? Yeah, I'm ready to cross over to your side. - Tell me about your case. - Well, you seem to be following me pretty closely. - Why don't you tell me about it? - You are miserable. Obsessed with your strange coincidence. Yeah. Yeah, but they just want to talk about Brad Stand. They betrayed you, as he did. - That's right. - Betrayal embodies the universal truth you seek. What truth? Cruelty, manipulation... meaninglessness. Yeah. - Did they follow you? - No. I lost them on Route 4. - Thanks for helping me out back there. - No problem. Glad you're here, Albert. This is the place to be. Once you realize the universe sucks, you got nothing to lose. - That's what gives you la force. - The force? - La force. It's French for strength. - La force. You guys got a method here? Yeah. Deconstruct your mind to the blackness, okay? Just accept it for what it is. Nothing. There's no glowing guys, no infinite mothers. None of that bullshit. My coincidence is meaningless, isn't it? Think, Albert. Have you betrayed yourself? Wait a second. What are we doing here? - I don't want to go to this building. Stop! - Trust her, Albert. - This is for you. - Oh, thank you. - Hey, hey, hey. What did she give you? - No, stay away from me. - I don't want to talk to you. - Thanks, Steven. - Well, this is a rare occasion. - Where is she? - Who? - Caterine. - Who's Caterine? - The woman who's spying on me. Where is she? I don't think this is funny. Oh, God, here we go again. What's happening? He's just making a joke on me. - Are you making fun of your mother? - No. Why can't you get along with her? - So, how's your poetry job? - I got fired from it. Oh, couldn't even hold down a poetry job. - Brenda, what the hell did you do? - I didn't touch it. Bullshit! I have this programmed on my favorite stations on a timer. Can I please have some time with my son? I want to show him an article I have here on marketing internship. You see this? - That's great, Mom. It's right up my alley. - But it is. It's a new hot... - I sent this to you. Why don't you ever listen to me... - Have you seen this system? State of the art. We got speakers all through the house. - But listen to this. - It'll be easier to talk now. - Where did she come from? - What's going on? - See, I wasn't making a joke. - What's her name? I would like to discuss some curious findings. - Who is this lady? - I found here in your apartment... a rather troubling piece of evidence. - What evidence? - Do you recognize the handwriting, Mr. Markovski... - excuse me, Mr. Silver? - This is silly. Let's go. No. - I wanna go. - Could you please read the date for me? November 17, 1989. Albert was nine. This is his journal. Would you mind reading this out loud? - No. - Please. This stuff doesn't matter. Let's go. Oh, my God. I came home from school. Mom was in the kitchen with a strange lady. Mom told me to go back to my room. I thought I was in trouble. She closed my door and said, 'Purree got hit by a car and killed.' And then she took me back to the lady in the kitchen... and told me to spell words to show how I'm a good speller. I said I had to go to the bathroom. I climbed out the window. I went down the block. I saw Barney playing punch ball. He said I look sad. I told him what happened to my cat. He said, 'That's sad.' Then I cried, but I tried not to show. Some of the kids laughed. Barney said he cried when his dog died. And the kids stopped laughing. His cat died. He was sad. What's your point? - Nothing strikes you as odd? - See? It's nothing. Let's go. These things happen. Oui. C'est vrai. The universe is cruel. But tell me this, Mrs. Silver, this lady you gave the coffee to... Was Helen's sister. I don't remember her name. I met her the once. Was there some painful thing about this stranger... that required your immediate attention? No. Helen wasn't home, so I offered her sister a cup of coffee. But you agree that Purree meant a great deal to Albert? You can't make a federal case out of the cat. Answer the question, please. I don't know much about the cat. I traveled a lot for work. We're not talking about this anymore. It's embarrassing me. - Precisely the point. - What? You were embarrassed for feeling sad about the death of your cat. It's painful enough to feel sad, but on top of it... to feel embarrassed for feeling, that is the killer. How is that my fault? I didn't tell him to be embarrassed. But you did. It was more important to have a cup of coffee... with a perfect stranger than to talk to Albert... - about what for a small boy is a large tragedy. - This is ridiculous. He climbed out his window, a criminal in his own house. - Why? - I don't know. - I think you do. - I don't. - Yes, you do. - Oh, stop it! - I think you should go. - No, I will not go. Albert has a place here, a place you have denied. This is my home. I can tell him what I want. - Yes, your home is a lie. - What does that mean? I gave my life to this selfish bas... So he could be an ornament to you, not a person. God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch. How many kids do you have, bitch? Listen. Listen. This is your mother. - You asked me to come up here? - What does the doorman have to do with this? He was orphaned by civil war. You were orphaned by indifference. This is but one part of your puzzle. Do you see? Oh, now the timer's all fucked up. Brenda! Gee, is it that hard? Go ahead and do it. - All I'm gonna do is listen... - I spent what? I spent $2,000 on this? I wanna listen to a radio! I wanna listen to a radio! Thanks. We'll meet you later by the rock. I'm sorry, man. I need, like, a minute to figure this out. - She had to get you to see. - See what? You were trained to betray yourself right here. That's why you betrayed yourself by going to Brad. Why didn't you figure this out? Why didn't you ing me here? Because you lied to us. You told us that the African guy... was the... the doorman at your friend's building, not at your parents' building. You encrypted the truth. That's how good you are at betraying yourself. - Right. - I told you that he wasn't ready for infinity. - Don't start with that magic blanket bullshit, okay? - It's not magic. It's just the way things are. You and me and the air are actually tiny particles... that are swirling around together. - Look right here. You see? - Okay. But look at the cracks... between these particles and the cracks we fall through, the holes of nothingness. - Exactly. Because that's what I just experienced upstairs. - Look closer. There are tiny particles connecting the larger cubes. Yeah, and then tinier cracks between the connections. - And even tinier connections. - And even tinier cracks. Yeah, but if you look close enough, you can't tell where my nose ends... and space begins, because they're unified. - See? - So what? You can't see any of this anyway! - Do you see anything? - No. But I want to debate this particle cube thing. You live all the time with things you can't see. You can't see electricity, can you? - You can't see radio waves, but you accept them. - Trust. - Fuck trust! - You better stay away from Caterine, Albert... 'cause she's gonna lead you down the path of darkness. She was our prize graduate student till she went astray. I think that I am gonna stay with her, the cracks, the pain, the nothingness... because that's more real to me, that's what I feel. - Word. - Okay. We're not sweatin' it. - No, we're gonna work with Brad. - It'll all come back to you... - and interconnection. - Brad? Are you kidding me? I'm gonna work on that prick, and it's all gonna come back to pain and no connection! - No. - It's on. - We'll see. We'll see. Ooh, damn. Come on. Oh, shit. Fuck. Oh, look at this. Kafka. - He's planting garbage for us. - Kafka. - Kafka. - Look at that. So fishy. Ooh, she found his poem. Oh, this is good. I was hoping for a eak like this. - Don't go in my den. - Whoa. Whoa. - I'm not unhappy to be with you! - Let me see this! Putting on a show. Can't say no. Inside I'm drowning, sighing and frowning. That doesn't sound very happy to me. Does it sound very happy to you? I only wrote frowning to rhyme with drowning. - Then why did you need drowning? - To rhyme with frowning. - There... There's nothing in it. - What does that mean? Look! And why do they have to go through our yard and go through the garbage? - What is he doing? Stop that. Why is he sniffing my blouse? Perspiration levels indicate stress, and that's kind of high. Brad signed a rather comprehensive contract... allowing unfettered access to your home. Well, it's my home too, and I didn't sign anything. You're going to have to work that out with Brad. The mortgage is in his name, and you're not married. - Are these from this year? Last year. We went to Saint Bart's. - What about this year? - We didn't take a trip this year. - How come? - Too busy. A lot of work. - Too busy to go have fun? - Hon... Honey, why are you involved with this? - You don't believe in therapy. - No, see, I don't see this as therapy. I'm proactive. These people are action oriented. It's like the company retreats at Hilton Head. Remember? - No, hey. Get out of there. Hey! Hey! - No. Now, unfettered access. - Remember last year, the trust thing? The paragliding? - A quick look at your label. - It's just like that. - No, it's not like that! This is... Actually it is. No, it is. Everything will end up nice. It seemed like they were helping Albert. They can help me. Help the Open Spaces. Help Huckabees. - What are you talking about? - He did mention that in his application... that he felt exhausted from having to constantly charm everyone... but doesn't see any alternative because... You need to get people to like you to be successful to get things done in this world. - End quote. - Duh. Brad likes to be charming. It comes naturally. I only put those things in the garbage as a joke. - Yeah, see? That's funny. - Back door way to charm. That's joking as a disguised request for approval. That's saying, Joke, but really love me. - Joke, love me. - Ms. Campbell, how have you felt about being pretty? - Oh, please. I don't think of myself as being that pretty. Yes, that's changed at Huckabees, but, you know... I was never the pretty girl. - Really? - No. I just have to keep up with this gorgeous hottie. - How's the sex? - How is the sex? - The sex? - Come on, guys. Come on. That's private. - That's gross. - A preliminary surveillance... indicates it's been infrequent and short... eight to nine minutes... - typically. - Surveillance? You watched us? - No, just listened. - So, your surveillance is wrong. Yeah. It's quantity, not quality. - What? - She meant quality, not quantity. - I know. I was onlyjoking. - Were you joking... - when you said quantity and not quality? - In regards to sex? - We're not gonna discuss this. - We're private about... - our seven minutes of heaven. - It's longer than that. Eight minutes of heaven! It's not quality, it's quantity! - You oughta see her after a couple margaritas. - Oh, my God! I'm crying. - Honey... - What is it? Why did you have to write this poem? How come we can't discuss these things ourselves? Where is this relationship going, huh? Why is marriage and kids so important? There's an overpopulation problem. - Whoa. - That came out of left field. - All right. Why is having children the ultimate performance for successful people? Why? Well, it doesn't have to be a performance. You know, we don't have to have kids. We could just, you know, think about it, or not. Could just be ourselves, Jet Skiing, whatever. This is not why I hired you. Then why did you hire them? Well, I have a meeting. Oh. There it is. - Would you like some tea? - With a little lemon. So, I've never really done anything like this before. Um, where... where would we start? Now. Now. - Did you get it? - Yeah. I did. I felt it. It's hard to describe. Very, very good. Your turn. Now. - Not so hard. - Sorry. Now. Now. Now. Now! Did you get it? Yeah, you stop thinking. Yes. It's fantastic. It's like I'm here, but I'm not... So, I'm not here. It-It's just... l... l... I don't know. Do it one more time. It's like I'm a rock or a dish of mold. I'm whatever else is around. So I'm free to just exist. This is the answer. We just have to be this all day, every day. - That's the answer. - Yes. - Do it again. Do it again. - Now. Careful, my young students... you cannot stay in this state all day. - Why not? - Yeah, why not? It is inevitable that you are drawn back into human drama. Desire, suffering... everything that exists in this imperfect world. - Shit. - So we get drawn back into human drama... and how important we think that is. Then we do crazy stuff. We have to go back to the ball... so we can get the freedom of being like a... like a dish of mold. Yes. And then back to the drama, the suffering. - It's kind of a crappy deal. - C'est exactement ça. An absurd theatrical we must play out, back and forth... from pure being to human suffering. But isn't the drama and suffering less if we do the ball thing every day? Don't call it the ball thing. Call it pure being. Doesn't the pure being, ball thing make the day-to-day suffering easier? - Yeah. - No, it doesn't. You're wrong. We're gonna do this every day. - We'll show you. It'll make it easier. - I'll prove it to you. Human drama is inevitable. Suffering cannot be diminished. You cannot escape, Tommy. You'll see. Existence is a cruel joke... that entices in a form of desire. - Absurd theater of desire. - I know, buddy, it hurts. It's painful. - Wait here. - Where you goin'? To meditate on desire and suffering. - Can I come? - No. Okay. I'll see you in a little bit. We'll do more, um, pure being? Pain... I hope so. Don't fucking leave me. You look ugly! No, no, no. - Hold up. - No. No. - No, go back inside. - Can I have my car keys? You can't keep coming to work if you dress like that. Me and Daryl made some spots Marty's gonna love. These are the best tops around. Last time, last year, not so good. But now, this is the truth. Marty's gonna hate them, Dawn. - He's gonna hate them. - There's glass between us. You can't deal with my infinite nature, can you? That is so not true. Wait, what does that even mean? We've talked about your intimacy problem. What's the core of it? Intimacy is combo of infinites. I'm definitely gonna have an intimacy problem with you if you keep dressing like that. - Well, it's only been a week. - One day is too much. The people at the office are freaking out. You could get free, Brad, but you think you have to be Superman in control. And that means you are the source instead of part of the infinite. - And that makes it too hard for us, baby. - Stop talking to me like that. - You hired the detectives. - You don't have to listen to every word they say. - How am I supposed to know which parts to listen to? - I'll tell you. - No, that's confusing. - Take that off. Take it off. - No. Can I have my car keys, please? - Give me my glasses. - No. - Give me my glasses. - You give me my car keys. - No. - Yes. You stay at home. Till you dress normal... you don't come to work. Trees and bees... - Hey, Daryl, where are you? - Hi, honey. - Dawn, this is Heather. - Hey, I'm Heather. - Let's do it. - Let's make a commercial. - I'm a really big fan of yours. - Well, thanks. - It's so weird to meet my voice. - Welcome to the family. What? This script only has my lines, and I don't see another character here. - I told you, you are the trademark voice of Huckabees. - So... - Right. So what's the problem? - She's the voice. - I'm the face. - Go, Heather. - Girl, you could... - Yeah, yeah. All this, and ains too. Son of a bitch, Daryl! They want me back in a bikini? - Dawn, please. - Wake up, pretty girl. - The joke's on you! The joke is on you! - Ow! Ow! - No, stop. - Don't look at me. I just want to be left alone. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you all looking at me. Look at me. Please, please, please, everybody. Everybody look at me now. I am so pretty. I am so pretty. Look at me. Everybody just wants to be me. I'm pretty. - Shania's on the stage. We've got the executives here... - That's great. Working their way back to the, uh, lesser donators. Right. Well, when we did the Garth benefit in Dallas... - we put the $10,000 donors up here. - Wow, Garth. Was that Garth Garth, or Chris Garth? - That's classic Garth. The best. - Classic Garth costs. Yeah, so, when we did the Garth benefit in Dallas, that's what we... Where's Marty? Where is he? Have you even seen my commercials? - Have you? I'm doing this for you. - Oh, my God. - They're your detectives, and they gave me this truth. - Wow. Nutty. Do you understand? There's glass between us! Don't look at me like that! - Hey, hey. Hey... - There you are, Marty. - Why don't you like my spots? - Honey, this look is hurting you, and it's hurting Huckabees. - This is myself. - Then you won't speak at the benefit as yourself. - That is not Huckabees. - I am still Huckabees. - Not in that bonnet. - It's in my eyes, Marty. It's like that story of the cave. What in God's name is happening to you? We trusted you. We took care of you. We made you into a national icon. Pulled you out of a mall. Eh, you've been given everything by Huckabees. - Fuck-a-bees! - Ooh. - Wow, wow, wow. - Bradley, there's board members here. - She's knocking on the glass... - That's not gonna look too good for a new corporate guy. - What? I got corporate? - You got corporate. - I got corporate? - Yeah, you got corporate. Now go and contain her. All right? She said, Fuck-a-bees. - Yeah. - She said fuck... What are you doing? What are you doing to us? I'm in my tree. I'm talking to the Dixie Chicks... and they're making me feel better. Well, I think the Dixie Chicks would like you to know that I just got promoted. - What? - V.P. For public affairs. I got corporate, Dawn. I'm sorry you had to go through all this. It's for the greater good. I went to the detectives to shake Albert out of the coalition. - I admit that. - This doesn't make sense. Sweetheart, you're mixing yourself up. Listen, you're mixing it all up. - Wait a second. - Huh. Do you even care about the marsh and the woods? Yes, I care about the marsh and the woods. Albert was not gonna save 'em his way. You don't go through the back door with a poem and a bonnet. You go through the front door with a tie, and you own the marsh and the woods. That's how you're gonna save 'em. - Let's cele ate. - Mm-hmm. - You want some new clothes? - Yeah. - I'll get you whatever you want. What do you need? - I don't know. - Pedicure? - Yeah, but do I have to be pretty all the time? Well, you know, you have a choice. But, no, it's not a choice. I do have to be pretty. Well, I'm pretty sure the Dixie Chicks would want you to spread your love... here where you can at Huckabees. Right. That's good. You know what? You got Albert fired. Stay positive. Bermuda. Jet Skis. Pińa coladas. All right? - Yeah. - When you leave the office, will you go through the back door? Okay? 'Cause you don't look so good today. Okay. Okay. - Okay? - Mm-hmm. Hey, Tom, Tom. Go for it, man. The woods are hopeless. Don't waste your time. They will be destroyed. So will the marsh. It is a losing game... mankind has played for more than a century. Sadness is what you are. Do not deny it. The universe is a lonely place, a painful place. This is what we can share between us, period. Whoa! H'yah! What are you doing? You told me you were done with this stupid method. - Why can't I do it? - Because it is a fantasy. - Do you want to lead a fake life? - You don't have to get so threatened. - I can mix your thing with their thing. - No, you can't! - Why not? - Because they are completely different. And theirs is a lie. For the last time, forget the tree fantasy. And as for Brad, you must do to him for real... what he did to you, and... You ditched me. First my family, and now you guys. - She's my teacher too, Albert. - And she's still your teacher, Tom. No. It's all different now. I thought we were a platonic trio, not some sick sex dance. You said that was bullshit. Learn from this, Tommy. Painful truth. I warned you... human drama. Is that why you're doing this, to teach me? - Yeah, is that why you're doing this, to teach him? - Of course it is. There are unique moments when two people share the deep sorrow of existence. All right. That's what I wanted to hear. - How can you believe that bullshit? - T-Tom... Tom, I'm sorry. This just happened. I've never done anything like this before. - We could still be... You can still be my other, right? - Shut up, Albert. I ought you here. I wanted to share la force with you, and you ruined it. - You fell in love. - Do not defile it with cliché. - It is unnameable. - Yeah? Well, I reject unnameable! It leaves me out! Where is your pure being now, Tommy? I told you. I'm just gonna accept my loneliness. And I'm gonna go to an even darker place of nothingness. From an even farther, more extreme nothingness on my own! - Who needs you guys? - Ahh, sublime. Hey, welcome. You like my new office? - Let's start with the method. - Let's start with the method. - We'd like to discuss... - We'd like to discuss... - Okay. What are you doing? - Okay. What are you doing? - What are you doing? - I'm jokin' around, guys. But seriously, I want to quit the process with you. Nothing personal. I appreciate what you've done for me, but I'm over it. - You can't quit until the case is over. - Ah, I can fire you. - No, you can't. - No, you can't. - Sure I can. - No, you can't. Paragraph 201. Neither client nor detective... may terminate case prior to resolution as defined by paragraph 314, subclause 'D'... - which states... - That's not binding. - Oh, it's binding. - I'll find a lawyer. - Oh? - Or maybe even go to the FBI. How about that? - Go ahead. - Oh, I will. I'm not kidding. No, Brad, this is how it works. You go to the police. You... You tell them that you went to the existential detectives. They ask why. You say, For personal reasons. Or, maybe you wanted to work the politics at your corporation... - by rattling Albert Markovski. - I never told you that. - Well, give us a little credit. - The police go to Huckabees. They talk to them. The board learns that rising star, Brad Stand... has weird existential issues. - Or he fakes them. - Which is odd. Which is worse. And your girlfriend, the voice of Huckabees... - is dressing like an Amish bag lady. - Okay, I get it. You know, Brad, suddenly your star isn't rising anymore. It's sinking. - Okay. I said I get it, Bernie. Relax. - Passive-aggressive. - Shut up. - Aggressive-aggressive. - Does Dawn want to quit? - Dawn's into this crap for real... which is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life. Shall we get back to the case? All right. What you got on me? Nothin'. Our staff did a little field work in, uh, Cleveland. - What? Talk to my family? - Mommy and daddy look awesome. - So do you. But this guy. - Wha... Ah, he doesn't look too good. - You bastards. - He doesn't look too good, does he, Brad? How could you do this? Ooh. Mm-hmm. Are you kidding me? He weighs 250. He t... He talks about geckos all the time. - What's the point? - I thought he was a sweet, sensitive young man. Oh, excuse me. You... You spoke to my fat, sad other? - Yes, Brad, on the phone. - Indeed, I did, at length. Well, if he's so sensitive, why doesn't he lose 70 pounds and stop talking about geckos. - Maybe he'll find some friends. - Well, your other feels that you're ashamed ofhim. Are you sympathetic to him? - Are you kidding me? I gave him a car. - Mm-hmm. - I send him shirts. - Mm-hmm. L... Look. Here, guys. Geckos. And I keep 'em. I'm a pretty good older other. He wishes you would listen to him more. About what, geckos? L... I don't have all the answers. But maybe he should listen to me more and learn a little. You have several stories that you like to tell over and over and over. Ohh. Oh-ho. That's not... Come on. That's a lie. - L... I'm not boring like him. - Like the mayonnaise story. The mayo story. May 18, sales meeting. Shania's there, you know, promoting her apparel, right? - It's 4:00. She's starving. She hates mayonnaise, right? Allergic to it. So I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches. Back then that's all she's eating. Tuna fish. No mayo, darling. June 5, driving range. Nojoke. We gave her a chicken salad sandwich once... she threw up in the back of the limo. June 30, the lake. Shania's there promoting her apparel, right? It's 4::00, and she's starving. She's a busy lady. I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches. That's all she's eating back then, tuna fish. July 9, Flight 27 to Chicago. Shania's there promoting her apparel, right? It's 4::00. She's starving. The lady hates chicken salad. Gave it to her once, she threw up. - August 17, conference call. - Shania's there promoting her apparel, right? No mayo. She hates it. And she cannot eat chicken salad. That's nojoke. September 3, in traffic, your cell phone. Shania's there promoting her apparel, right? Back then that's all she's eating, tuna fish. No mayo. I eat two of the sandwiches in front ofher. She now eats one and a half. Now she believes me. She eats one and a half sandwiches before she realizes it's chicken salad. Why do you think that you tell the mayo story so much? - I don't know. Why? - It's propaganda. - For mayonnaise? - For you. Specifically, you're so impressive because you know Shania. And you're so strong, because you pull one on her. - You're a funny guy, a good guy. - Keeping everyone laughing... so that maybe, quote, you don't get depressed. Well, what's so great about depression? Nothing. Unless it holds the key... to something you compulsively avoid... so it will never be examined or felt... hence your behavior becomes repetitive like the story. - Like the story. - Like the story. - Like the story. Like the story. - Like the story. Shut up. All right. I don't have to tell stories. What do you think would happen if you didn't tell the stories? - Are you being yourself? - How am I not myself? - How am I not myself? - Myself. - Myself. - How am I not myself? - How am I not myself? - How am I not myself? - How am I not myself? - How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself? - How am I not myself? - Bradley? She's starving. She's a busy lady. I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches. That's all she was eating back then, tuna fish. - No mayo... - Hey, Bradley, how do you like the corporate men's room? Freakin'awesome, man. - Hey, Brad, you want to hear something funny? The Dundalee Cups are blowin'out in the Sunbelt franchises. How's that for super weird? That's a good thing to ing to the table today. Right? You arejust what the doctor ordered, my friend. - Right? - Right on. Well, let's go, dude. I'm gonna introduce you to the board of directors, my friend. - John, what did Legal say? - Jerry? - We have a legal problem. - Well, I disagree. Give him the Salmon Stripper, call it the Bass Basher. They don't read English anyway. - Just call it Tuna Tornado. - There you go. Legal can cover that. Speaking of Shania and tuna, Brad has the most incredible story. - Go ahead, Brad. - There's a Bass Basher in Japan? What's that about? - Well, we've got a trademark issue in Japan. - You got a legal problem? L-Let's hear the Shania story. I mean, that's what they wanna hear. - Yeah, come on, tell the Shania story. - Come on, Brad. I don't want to tell that story. - What? - I don't want to tell that story, Marty. Come on. You and Shania are downtown in the loop in Chicago. You're opening up the store. Shania, she all of a sudden, she gets... - She gets... - Hungry. - Really hungry. Right. And so, you order... - Tuna sandwiches. - Yeah, tuna fish. - I thought she was a vegetarian. You order tuna fish, okay, but you realize that she's allergic to... - Marty, no. - She's allergic... Yes. Come on. She's allergic to what? Why don't you and me go outside and have a... have a talk? Come on. - I'll be back in five. - Five minutes? - Is he gonna put a bonnet on? - Be right back. What the fuck was that? Fuck! - You're gonna get on the truck like everybody else. - Get on the bike. - Truck! Truck! - Bike. Engine Company 54, stand by. - I'm free as a bird! You're just sittin' in your gas guzzlers. - So long, suckers! Where are you guys? I'm at the fire, man. - Here we are. - Pull it down. Creation, destruction. Creation, destruction. Creation, destruction. Creation, destruction. Creation, destruction. Oh, ho-ho-ho, no. Oh, no! Everything. My life. Why? - Oh, Brad, look at yourself. - My life. - You're sitting in a big pile of shit. - Brad, it's okay. Believe me. Nothing's okay. Nothing's okay, so it's okay. You think it's bad, right... 'cause your house is burning and you might have lost yourjob? I gotta go... I gotta go to a benefit. Don't... Don't tell anybody. No, tell everybody. I don't care. Tell everybody! - Oh, maybe not. - Wait a second. Oh, no, please, don't tell anybody. You didn't see me cry. Nobody sees that picture! - Nobody sees that picture! Why did you do that? - No, no, no, no. We didn't do this. We would never do something like this. - Never. Oh, maybe sometimes. We didn't do this. - Never. Who the hell is that lady with the camera? - See-See... See, this isn't our thing. - That is her thing. We wouldn't do it like that. Why did you do that to me? All right. I'm gonna go to the benefit. Screw all you bastards. - Brad! - Brad! - Brad, we didn't do this. - She did it, Brad. Yes, I did. That fire was a bitch-ass thing to do. No, it liberated you from the Brad. Or did it bond me to Brad in the insanity of pain... until I saw that I'm Brad and he's me? - Yes. - No. Come on. You guys work together, don't you? - We don't work together at all. - Really? It's not like some secret deal... where she picks up where you leave off, and then we come back to you? - There is no secret deal. - Well, there should be, 'cause that's the way it works. You're too dark, and you're not dark enough. You three were close, right? Maybe too close. Then it went sour and propelled you into one extreme... and you into another extreme. So, voilŕ! Two overlapping, fractured philosophies... were born out of that one pain. Albert! Wow. What happened to him? I don't know. Hi. Welcome to the Omni Hotel. Uh, we don't... We don't check bikes, sir. - Yeah, treat it like it's a car. - It... It's not a car. It's my job. Tenth floor. Welcome to the Huckabees Open Spaces gala event. Huckabees pledges to... Huckabees pledges to... - Davy, come on. - Mr. Stand, you're not on the list. - Let's talk to Marty. - What are you calling me Mr. Stand for? - Let me in. Marty, I'm me. I made it. - Marty, will you let Brad in? Brad, shh. Keep him out. - Has everybody lost their minds? - What is this shit? Come on. - I put this together. I put this together! - I know it's tough. Josh, I put this together. Shania. Shania! - It's the new Miss Huckabees. - Sorry. I thought you were Shania. Can I get your autograph, please? These are still the old pictures. This is a collector's item for sure. Thank you so much. - What's this, Dawn? - Do you love me? - I think so. - With the bonnet? Uh... N... It's over, Brad. I had a fire and almost died, and he came. And he almost died 'cause he cares about the same things. - And that shows there's no nothing, even when you die. - It's okay. And he likes the bonnet. Excuse me. We have a V.I.P. Function here. I need to ask you guys to leave, please. The gentleman behind the bush, you have to leave, please. One world. One store. Huckabees, the everything store. Shopping, nature, together. - Did they let you in to the benefit? - I didn't even try to get in. Brad, I thought about chopping your head off with a machete many times. I thought about hacking you up with an ax, Albert... and smashing your face in with a baseball bat. Eighteenth floor. - You going up? - We're going down. - Uh, no, I think you're going up. - Right you are. Come on in. Ma'am. - Oh... Uh. - MaryJane! - Oh, at last. - How could you? - How could you do that to us, you liar? - This is a win for us. Come on. A Dexicorp mall in my grandfather's forest is not exactly a win. And they've already started surveying to... to start construction. - We saved the marsh. - By giving them the woods. Are we going up or what? All you did was make Huckabees look good. That's all you did. Albert, how can you be calm? Did you hear what Brad did? - I'm dealing with it. - Sit with me and Shania. You'll see this is a win for us. - Shania doesn't give a shit! - Oh, Shania cares. - Let's go! - Shania doesn't give a shit! - We saved the marsh... - Fuck him! - So you sold out the woods? - This new mall is going to be very eco-friendly. I saved half the trees. Did I sell out the woods? I don't know. I tried to do some good. You know, I saved half of'em. - Brad, I torched yourJet Skis. - And my house? - No, just yourJet Skis. It spread to the house. I'm sorry. Thirty-sixth floor. - You guys going down? Good. Who is that? You or me? Give me... - Ow! Give me that! Hit the alarm. - You're only smashing yourself, Brad! - Yeah. And now I'm smashing myself! Now I'm smashing myself! - Stop it! - Twenty-first floor. Shania. Brad, do you realize when they destroy the woods... - No, let me explain. - The average temperature of the marsh rises five degrees? - The entire food chain is degraded, starting with frogs. - Let me explain. Let me explain. Okay, but we saved half the woods. I'm a vegetarian, Brad. I eat tofu tuna. With the mayo, and you liked it! Shania, I'm Albert. I used to run the Open Spaces Coalition. - She knew my name. See? - So what if she knew your name? I was only joking, man. Come on. Yeah, okay, I'm caught up in that shit. - So am I. That's how I bought into you. - Eighteenth floor. Albert, we owe you an apology. We should've stayed with you. Thanks, Angela. See you at the meeting on Tuesday. We're gonna stop those bulldozers. - Oh, my goodness. - I don't have a job. I don't even know who I am. That's exactly how I felt. Try this lady. Ah, here he comes! - Oh, boy. - The man-poet who banged France's dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta. I know. - You hurt my feelings. - I'm sorry. - But you had to do it anyway, didn't ya? - She's a very powerful person. - And I haven't been with a lot of women. - Obviously. And she used me to teach us about the inevitability of human drama. So? Is that where you get off the ride? Hell no. I didn't think so. - Looks like you saw some truth. - Looks like you saw some truth. - What'd you see? - Well, the interconnection thing is definitely for real. - It is! I didn't think it was. - I can't believe it. It's so fantastic! - That's amazing. - I know. But it's also nothing special. Yeah, because it grows from the manure of human trouble. You see, the detectives, they just wanted to gloss right over that. But in fact, no manure, no magic. - Did you hear some of that? - Some of it sounds pretty good. I think... I think this case is closed. Is it ever really closed? Hmm. - What are you doing tomorrow? - I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. - Do you want to come? - What time? Mm, 1:00, 1:30. Sounds good. Should I ing my own chains? We always do.

Fallow arriving, area A. Do you copy? Hi, Mr. Fallow. Welcome. Hi, so nice to see you! Careful with that! We're in a bit of a rush... ...so let's hop on the cart and get going. There are a lot of people waiting for you. We're so honored to have you. This is really an historic occasion, Peter. Mr. Fallow, I'd like to take this private moment... ...to tell you how much I admire your book. When Faulkner was asked to recommend three novels, he said: Anna Karenina, Anna Karenina, Anna Karenina. Today, he'd say: The Real McCoy and the Forgotten Lamb. The Real McCoy and the Forgotten Lamb, The Real McCoy and... I know you've heard it a million times... ...but the scene where the mayor is hit in the head with the mayonnaise jar... Well, to be continued. Right this way. I've got Mr. Fallow. Get away! This should never have happened. I'm so sorry. Right this way, Mr. Fallow. We're just going through these two doors. We're on our way. But I must say, if I may quote you... Look at all the busy bees. If I may quote you... ...How in the name of God... Who in the name of God... ...would ing a half-eaten jar of mayonnaise to a public meeting? Ambassador! I'm Charles Buchanan. This is my wife, Stephanie, and my daughter. Mr. Fallow, I read your book 15 times. Next year, next year I'm going to take a course in it. We're going to go up by ourselves. Are you hungry? That's salmon, but I don't think you should touch that. Mr. Fallow, it's such an honor to finally meet you. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! We are running a bit late. I don't know what to say. Let me see... - What's your name? - Suzanne. Are you married? Excuse me! Animals! Someone needs deodorant. All right, all right, here we go. Everything is under control. Nothing to worry about. Excuse me. I haven't introduced myself, have I? My name is Peter Fallow. I am a writer. But you know that already. Unless you haven't read a newspaper or seen a TV recently... ... you know exactly who I am. I am the man of the moment. The hero of the evening. Me and a book I happened to write. The real hero of the evening is not even with us tonight. We'll come to him in a minute. For now, indulge yourself in the extravagance of the moment... ... and remember, if you will, a phrase from another little best-seller. What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul? They're waiting. This is a story about such a man. There he is! And it begins on a rainy night a little over a year ago. Our hero, Sherman McCoy, was about to make a simple phone call. But despite the existence of 11 phones and seven different lines... ... in the 14 rooms of his $6-million-plus apartment... ... this was a phone call he could not make at home. What on earth are you doing? I'm taking the dog for a walk. You're not taking the dog for a walk, you're taking Marshall. Marshall has a name. He's family. And, anyway... ...it's raining. I know that. So does Marshall. He doesn't want to go. Do you, Marshall? Judy... All right. Have a nice time. He's not happy about it, Mr. McCoy. Neither am I, Bill. Tony, sir. My name is Tony. Well, whatever. Let's be men about this. Hello, Sherman. Good evening, Pollard. It's raining, you know. I did notice, yes. Ah, Sherman, a true friend to man's best friend. Pollard, you old phrase-maker. I beg your pardon? Is that the best you can do? Is that as witty as we get? I don't know what you're talking about. Furthermore, if you're wet when you return, take the service elevator. Come on, Marshall. Maria, hello. It's me. Who? I'm sorry. May I speak to Maria? Who is this? Sherman, is that you? Jesus! We're back. You were right. I got soaking wet and Marshall didn't do anything. If you want to talk to a Maria... ...why call me? What do you mean? Please don't lie. It makes your forehead crinkle. What are we talking about? You should see your face. I don't get it. Did I miss something? You're going to stand there and say you didn't call here asking for Maria? You think I don't know your voice? Judy, I was out walking the dog. Crinkle, crinkle. I am not lying. I took the dog for a walk. Then I came back here and wham! I hardly know what to say. You are asking me to prove a negative proposition. Negative proposition? Oh, God, Sherman. Listen to the way I sound. Listen to the stress. Hear it? I don't want to be this person. I don't. I am thin and beautiful. I do not deserve this. Here's the phone. Call her from here. I don't mind. I really don't mind. You are cheap and rotten and a liar. And you are dripping on my Aubusson carpet. She was right. And Sherman knew it. Christ! How could he have been so stupid? A simple phone call. The next day, Judy's words still rang in his ears. Cheap, rotten and a liar. - Campbell, are we ready? - I'm out of here. Hold on. Where is your mother? She's crying on the Lifecycle. Crying on the Lifecycle. Like so many men before him, he was no match for a woman's tears. She won't kiss me because I'm all wet. Campbell, come and give your mother a kiss. Why couldn't he just say it: Look, Judy, I still love you. I still love our daughter, our home, our life. But I am a Master of the Universe. I deserve more. Like the few privileged others on Wall Street. How many? Two, three, maybe 400 at most. For these men, these Masters of the Universe... ... and Sherman McCoy was one of them... ... there were no limits whatsoever. Hi. This is 555-8771. Leave a message and I'll call you back. Thank you. Maria, I've been calling you for days. Call me at the office. Gene's on from London. - Let's go! Let's go! - Calm down, Rawlie. Let's not get overexcited. Calm, cool, collated. Let's not lose our composure over a few hundred million dollars. Christ, Sherman, you must be made of ice. Just remember, a frantic salesman is a dead one. What the hell will this crazy Giscard deal cost us? I need $600,000,000 to buy the bonds. You want us to sit on $600,000,000 worth of French government bonds? I'm confident on this. It's a real sleeping beauty. - Where are you, Gene? - At a cricket match. Somebody just hit the hell out of the ball. - Who's playing? - Don't get technical. A bunch of men in white pants. How about it? Are we in or out? Gold has to hold steady. Bernard Sachs is already in for $300,000,000. Feel better? You are going to make me an old man. A rich old man, Gene. A rich old man. A $600,000,000 deal. Sherman's commission would be $ 1. 7 million. All in a day's work. He was there! At the top! Impervious, untouchable... ... insulated by wealth and power. A Master of the Universe. A great height from which to view the world. A great height from which to fall. Sherman, you are an absolute angel coming all the way out here. I had to talk to you. I did a very stupid thing. Are we going to talk about it now? I'm afraid we have to. Sherman, don't you want a little poontang first? I know it has its funny side, but it isn't funny. It's your own fault for getting caught like a red herring. You mean red-handed. Can't we stop talking about your wife now... ...and head over to our little hideaway on 59th Street and just hide away a little? I think she knows. Of course she knows. That's not the point. It isn't? God, Sherman, you are so sweet. I could eat you alive if I could get this goddamn zipper down. Isn't that the turnoff? The turnoff to Manhattan? I can't get over right now. We'll just exit and get back on. Exit and get back on. Where are we? The Bronx. What does that mean? It means we're north of Manhattan. All I need to do is make a right and find a street back. And there it was. A simple wrong turn. Anyone could have done it. A simple phone call... ... a simple wrong turn, and you're off the track... ... moving towards a destiny you never imagined. Where are all the white people? Are they going to scratch the car? I'm from the South and I don't like this very much. Excuse me. Please don't touch the car. Get us out of here. I have a red light. We're having a party! Get us out of here! I want my money. I want my money now! There was no need to panic. That's what you think. I have all my luggage with me. I just don't want to do anything stupid. If we keep our heads, we'll be fine. We're in the middle of a war zone... ...and you're worried about doing the right thing? An arrow! Right there. It's an arrow! I see it. Then turn! I'm going to. There's the ramp back to Manhattan. See? What's that? It's a body! It's an animal! Is it dead? It's a tire, that's all! - It's a dead tire? - Calm down! It's just a tire! What are you doing? I can't drive around it. You're going to move it? Yes, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Sherman, be careful of your shoes. Sherman, come on. Touching that dirty old tire. I just want to get out of here. I want to get to Manhattan. Come on, Sherman. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Natives! Yo. Need some help? No, thank you. Hi! What's the problem? Need help or what? I don't think so. No. Thank you. Very much. Shit. Shit! Sherman, come on! I have to go. Where are you going with the tire? This is yours? Oh, then here, you take it. Oh, my God! Get in the car, quick! Here they come! Lock the door! Drive. Open the door! Get away! Get away! Careful. Look out! Back up! Get away from the car! I can't see a thing! Watch out! Go, car! Bitch, open this door! Where's the ramp? What are we doing here? Just make a left. A left? Okay, a left. Sherman, fuck the luggage. Let's go have a drink. Maybe we should tell the police about this. Yes, the police. We were almost robbed. There's a possibility that you... that we hit one of them. There was this sound, like we hit one of them. Did you see him get hit? Neither did I. So, if a question ever arises, two boys blocked the road. They tried to rob us, and we got away. That's all we know. But if we call the police now, then we're not... Let's call them and invite them to our little love nest. They'd love to get us. The police, the press, and all the rest of the mediarites. Mediarites? The newspapers, radio, television. I can see it now. Mr. Sherman McCoy of Park Avenue, and Mrs. Arthur Ruskin of Fifth Avenue... ...are recuperating after their adventures in the Bronx. Explain that one to your wife. Yes, you have a point. But I'd feel better if... You don't have to feel better. I was the one who was driving. And I say I didn't hit anybody. And I'm not reporting anything to the police. And if you're a gentleman, you'll support me in that decision. We were in the jungle. - We were attacked. - That's true. - We fought our way out. - We could've been killed. We fought. I feel like an animal. You drove the hell out of that car. The hard part was getting into the seat, over that gearshift. No, it was instinct. God, and that tire! - He was big, wasn't he? - Sherman was bigger. - You were great. - We were both great. This could be the best sex we've had in a long time. - I still think... - Don't think! Just fuck! Mr. Sonnenberg? Where the hell is Mr. Sonnenberg? Mr. Lockwood, you sit down. If and when your lawyer appears... Two to six, Judge. Two to six. Two weeks ago, he told me two to six. Two to six, or we go to trial. - Nobody wants to go to trial. - I'll go. Approach the bench. I'll approach the bench. Listen, you son of a bitch. You're a nice boy, with a lot going for you. We got 7,000 felony indictments in the Bronx every year. We got room for 650 trials. Yours isn't one of them. I go to trial. You go sit down. And you'll take whatever plea bargain we give you. You'll kiss my ass and thank me that I didn't put you away for 25 years. That's what you'd get if this case goes to trial. Now get out of my face. What'd he do? Robbed and raped a 70-year-old lady and put her in a garbage can. Jesus Christ. Welcome to the South Bronx. People versus Harold Williams. Indictment number 294721. This case was dismissed three weeks ago. Go get 'em, tiger. Why is this case here? May I approach the bench, Your Honor? Who the hell are you? Assistant District Attorney Kramer. Mr. Kramer, you are new here. Let me explain something to you. This case is what we call a piece of shit. Which, loosely translated, means you don't have any evidence. Except that District Attorney Weiss has instructed me to show you... I know who the District Attorney is, Mr. Kramer. The only reason Mr. Weiss is interested in this case... ...is because Mr. Williams over there... ...is a white man who lives in a nice big house in Riverdale. I'm not following you. Because it's an election year. Ninety-nine percent of those you shovel through this court are black... ...and the other ninety-nine percent don't speak English. But they do vote. So your boss, the District Attorney, Mr. Weiss... ...who dreams every night of one day becoming mayor of New York... ...needs a white man. He needs to find him, book him, and throw him in jail. Then everybody likes him. The press and voters like him. Even your mother would like him. - You following me? - I am now. Now you tell your boss, Captain Ahab Weiss... ...that I know he's out there looking for the great white defendant. But Mr. Williams, over there, is not it! Don't take it personally. Maybe he didn't like your shoes. You Andruitti? I'm Martin, this is Goldberg. We just came from Bronx Hospital. Kid named Henry Lamb came in last night with a oken wrist. They fixed him up and sent him home. This morning, he comes back in with a concussion. He goes into a coma and now they say he'll die. Did you talk to him? He's in a coma. What else? There's a nurse busting my balls. Says the kid told his mother he was hit by a Mercedes, which drove off. - Hit-and-run. - The mother told you this? She's got a pile of parking tickets and won't talk to the police. Why come to us? You've got an unconscious victim, no witness, and no driver. You've got what we call a piece of shit. Right, Kramer? What we've got is a problem. Ever hear of Reverend Bacon? No, not me, gentlemen. Kramer, this is all yours. See you later. Reverend Bacon? This is a tragedy! A fine young man has been struck down. God-fearing, church-going, never in trouble... ...graduated from high school, on his way to college. Somebody comes along, some rich white people... ...in a rich white man's car and wham! They run him down and never even stop. Now what'll we do about these parking tickets? First of all, Reverend... Is it Reverend? Is, was and always will be. First of all, we have no evidence... This is your evidence! I'm sorry. I didn't see you. Mrs. Lamb is not speaking to the police. Until we have proper counsel, I'll speak for her. Fine. That's good. I just want to get a few things straight. The boy was hit by a car? On Bruckner Boulevard! Innocently walking along minding his own business. A clear case of hit-and-run. But there were no witnesses. Without a witness, you have no case. You got what he told his mother. It's hearsay. You and I may believe it, but it's not admissible in a court of law. If this boy was born on Park Avenue... ...and was run down by two niggers in a Pontiac... ...then you'd have a case, right? I work Park Avenue and Bruckner Boulevard. There's good and bad in both places. We'll try to help this lady... ...but there's not much to go on. I want you to make an investment here. An investment in steam control. Steam control? Steam control. A righteous steam is building up in the souls of my people. And that steam is ready to blow! I see. On Judgment Day, I am your safety valve. Because when it blows, and it will... ...how grateful you will be that I am on your side. The one nigger who can control the steam and save your white ass... ...from being burned off the face of the earth. So to speak. Thank you. We'll see what we can do. Excuse me. Thank you. He said... He said it started with an R. The second letter was an E... ... or a P. Those were the first two letters of the license plate. We should move up here. Have you ever thought about moving out of New York? Keep a small place in town. Save loads of money. What do you think? About what? Do you think we could leave New York? My father did it. You are not your father. She knew how to hurt a guy. No, he was nothing like his father. His father, The Lion of Dunning, Sponget and Leach. His father, who took the subway to work every day of his life. His father, who believed in principles and ethics... ... whose lessons about duty and debt had whistled through his son's head. Sherman McCoy was nothing like his father. What're you looking for in that paper? Nothing. Nothing special. What's a bond? Sherman, do explain it. Yes, your mother and I really want to hear this. A bond is a way of lending people money. Say you want to build a road or a hospital, and you need a lot of money. What you do is issue a bond. Do you build roads? No, I don't actually build them. You're in over your head. Let me try. Darling, Daddy doesn't build roads or hospitals or anything, really. Daddy handles bonds for the people who raise the money. That's what he said. Bonds. Just imagine that a bond is a slice of cake. Now, you didn't bake that cake. But every time you hand a slice of that cake to somebody else... ...a little piece comes off. Little crumbs fall off. Really. Crumbs? And you are allowed to keep those crumbs. And many a man has sold his soul for those little crumbs. And that's what Daddy does. Daddy passes somebody else's cake around and picks up all of the crumbs. But you have to imagine a lot of crumbs, and a great big golden cake... ...and a lot of golden crumbs. And imagine Daddy running around picking up every little golden crumb... ...he can grab. And that's what Daddy does. You can call them crumbs if you want to. I'm doing the best I can. Excuse me. In my day, there was some integrity to it. Now it isn't about anything, is it? Except the money. Well, I don't make the rules, so... All the more reason not to play the game. We're just having a little... It's nothing really. Up to this point in our story, I was blissfully ignorant. I had no idea of the storm that was gathering. Never even heard of Sherman McCoy. Hadn't the faintest notion that soon his name would be inexorably tied to mine. That his fate would be inextricably bound to my own destiny. I had my own problems... ... and I had no idea that Sherman McCoy was the solution I was looking for. You're bad! Caroline, you look beautiful! - You devil. - You pig. - Join us for a cocktail. - No, I'm with someone. And a pretty someone he is. Filippo Chirazzi, the artist. Peter Fallow, the has-been. Enchanté. We're crowded this evening. Why don't you sit on top of Billy Cortez? I'll see if Caroline will sit on my face. No thanks. The last time I sat on your face I got a yeast infection. Good evening, Peter. Don't get up. Do you know my daughter? Of course. How are you, Evelyn? This is one of my invisible employees. One of the many journalists who supposedly write for my newspaper. You're very honored to see him. I rarely do. I can explain. Come have a drink... We're having a private party. I was at a dinner last evening, and halfway through the pudding... ...a 4-year-old child came in dragging a little toy cart. And on the cart was a fresh turd. Her own, I suppose. The parents just shook their heads and smiled. I've made a big investment in you, Peter. Time and money, and it's not working. I could just shake my head and smile. But in my house, when a turd appears, we deal with it. We dispose of it. We flush it away. We don't put it on the table and call it caviar. Of course you don't. I've been working at home. I'm working on a story that I can't talk about here. It's a big story. I sincerely hope so, Peter. I sincerely hope so. It was the end of the road for me. I could see it coming. See it coming? It was here. I'd had my chance and I'd blown it away in a bottle. It was over. I had to face up to that fact. I could go back home. Small town, small newspaper. Or I could write a novel or two. Or I could slit my wrists. This last idea seemed most appealing, as it required the least amount of effort. And then the telephone rang. Peter! Albert Fox here. Yeah, this is Peter. You sound terrific. Any pulse? I called the paper. No one knew where you were or who you were. Anything I should know? No, I'm just working at home today. Good. There's something I want to talk to you about. There's a hell of a story in it. Meet me at NBC, studio 4H, 7:00. You see that Henry Lamb material? Yeah, I looked at it. What do you think? What do I think? I think it's an unfortunate situation. Where's the goddamn story? A poor, innocent black kid walking down the street... ...and boom! Hit-and-run. There's a story in it for somebody. The black community's up in arms. And when Reverend Bacon gets a feather in his ass, the shit flies high. What's your angle on all this? What do you stand to get out of it? I'm a lawyer. I want justice done. Reverend Bacon is my friend. It'll be good for him. And knowing your situation, I thought if you oke the story... Wait a minute. What do you mean, my situation? Your boss was at my house for dinner. He said a few things. I see. You have a little daughter? I bet she has a toy wagon. Yes, she does. Why? Got any scotch in that car? Henry Lamb. Who's that? He was a student of yours at Ruppert High. He was? What's he done? Nothing. He's been seriously injured. I'm a newspaper reporter. I don't remember him. What kind of student was he? If I don't remember him, I guess he was okay. Was he a good student? Good doesn't apply at Ruppert High. They're cooperative or life-threatening. - Wasn't he going to college? - City College. If you live in the city, graduate high school, and eathe, they take you. What about his performance in class? Any aptitude, special skills? I got 65 students in each class. Tests, homework, any written work? There hasn't been written work at Ruppert High for 20 years. How do you keep track of the kids? There must be some records. You're thinking about honor students and grades. We don't make those comparisons. We just try to keep them off the streets. At Ruppert, an honor student... ...is somebody who comes to class and doesn't piss on the teacher. By that standard... ...was Henry Lamb an honor student? He never pissed on me. No, you're exaggerating the situation. The franc is no problem. We can hedge that to next January, to the term or to both, whatever. I don't think that's necessary. Look, Bernard, we've had our share of... Hell, I wouldn't even call them... problems, so let's not work ourselves up... ...into a... coma. Jesus Christ, let me see that! No, not you, Bernard. Wait. What the hell are you talking about? No, we can't wait. We have to move on this thing now. You're inging up phantom issues! We must pull ourselves together and fucking do it! But it was too late. It was gone. Oh, Jesus. $600,000,000. On Wall Street, a frantic salesman was a dead salesman. And Sherman knew it. You know what? I was just thinking of you. Where have you been? Have you seen this? - Don't I get a kiss first? - Have you read it? You know I only read the newspapers spasmodically. Sporadically? Who is this Peter Fallow character? He's got it all wrong! Excuse me, but what is going on here? I'm installing a new intercom system. Super let me in. Are you Caroline Heftshank? I need you to sign a receipt. I don't live here. I'm a guest of Miss Heftshank. No problem. I'm all done. - That was close. - What's going on? I don't know. Caroline pays $300 rent for this place. It's rent-controlled. I sublet it for $1,100. But it's not legal. To get Caroline out, they have to prove she doesn't live here. Isn't it weird that he came here today? After that piece in the paper? You are completely paranoidical. I have to leave for the airport in about 20 minutes. So, we don't have much time. Do you think they could trace the car to me? How? They don't have the full number or a witness. The only person who could recognize you is in terminal comatosis. But the other fella. Suppose he comes forward? If he was going to materialize, he would have by now. And he hasn't because he's a criminal. What a wretched painting. It's a Filippo Chirazzi. He's a friend of Caroline's. - Know him? - I hope not. God, that looks like you. No. How could it? - Where are you going? - The airport. The car's coming soon. We have time for a quickie. What do you say? I've lost $600,000,000 today. Possibly my job. I don't feel terrifically sexy at the moment. You know I'm a sucker for a soft dick, Sherman. You are incorrigible. I suppose we could still go to the police. We could get a talented lawyer. And put our heads right into the tiger's mouth? I'm the one who was driving the car. Shouldn't I be the one to make that decision? And I say no. I say no. Trust me. Nothing will come of that little newspaper article. Absolutely nothing. Mr. Fallow. Our hero. I feel as we already know each other. And Mr. Corsaro. Nice to see you again. You have an exclusive. Understand? I could've had every newspaper and TV station spreading this news. But I have chosen only you two. And I expect big coverage. In-depth coverage. Let's get to work. Might we be making a mountain out of a molehill? Honestly... Honesty has nothing to do with this. This is show business. I've never known the two to go hand in hand. Neither have I. And I'm supposed to be a journalist. You're a drunk. That's what I heard. And you're almost out of a job. Or am I misinformed? You have the wrong man. No, I don't think so. I don't think so at all. TV's ready, Reverend. Stay in the wide shot. Push in when you see the action. He's something, isn't he? He sure is. He's on the level with this one, right? The story's legitimate. Of course. This Henry Lamb's a nice kid. The neighbors like him. No record. Honor student. No question about it. Personally, I don't care. But, when I finish with this story, the kid'll be a saint. Be nice to know it's true, that's all. It's true. We're rolling the cameras. Go ahead. Brothers and sisters, I stand before you with a heart that is oken. And I stand before you with a heart that is angry. It's heart oken because our other, our neighbor, our son, Henry Lamb... ...has been struck down in the prime of his young life. And now he lies in a hospital... oken, like my heart. But I tell you, my heart is also angry. Yes! Angry! Because the driver of that car didn't do nothing for him! And neither did the police! And neither did this man! Mr. A aham Weiss. That's my name. My own fucking name. That's a complete fuck-up. - Who the hell are you? - Assistant District Attorney Kramer. I work in this office. Sources at Motor Vehicles say... ... less than 200 Mercedes have plates beginning with RE, RB, or RP. How did they get this information out of Motor Vehicles? Calm down. We've had this information for over a week. Why aren't we doing anything about it? Why aren't we tracing the car? Actually, I suggested we... What am I? The Wizard of Oz? Trace the car? Trace the car? We don't even have a witness. We don't know where it happened, or even if it happened. Trace the car. We don't have a case, even if we find the car. If we found the driver, and the driver came to us and said: Yeah, that's right. I hit this kid the other night, and I didn't stop. I didn't report it. I'm the guy. I did it. Then we got a case. Just trace the fucking car. Yesterday, I was a respected Jewish liberal. Ten minutes of news like this, and now I'm a hymie racist pig? The Italians are going to love this. The Irish, too. And the WASPs. They love this shit more than anybody. They love laughing at me. All the rich sons of bitches. They still think they own this town. They sit in their co-ops, Park Avenue, Fifth, Beekman Place, snug like a bug. Twelve-foot ceilings, a wing for them, one for the help. They think money'll protect them. You stupid sons of bitches! I'd like to light a fire under their white asses. Let them see how it feels. Let the Third World see the smoke and come after them! Let them feel what it's like when every Puerto Rican, West Indian, Cuban, Korean... ...Albanian, Filipino, black man from every borough... The future knows how to cross a idge! You laugh. You laugh! All right! Here's what we're going to do! We're going to turn this thing around if it kills us! We'll prove to these black motherfuckers... Pardon my language. We'll prove to these niggers that this administration loves them! No matter what it takes. I am no racist hymie. By November... ...they are going to be thinking of me as... ...the first black district attorney of Bronx County. They're going to beg me to be mayor. We'll walk away with that election. No question! That's what we'll do! If we have to screw every white asshole from Albany to Park Avenue, we will! Here he comes now. - Tony, hi. - It's Eddie, sir. I'm Detective Martin, this is Detective Goldberg. We're investigating a car accident. Maybe you heard about it. Yes! On television. Last night. My wife... We said, We have a Mercedes and the license starts with 'R.' You and a lot of people. Going up? Yeah. Yes, yes, I will. Should we...? Is it bad time for you? We just have a few questions. - Was your car in use the night it happened? - When? Tuesday, a week ago. Let me think. Anybody else use your car? My wife sometimes. The men at the garage. Parking garage? You leave your car and they park it? Can we go see it? The car? Now? Since we're here. There's certain things to look for. We don't find them, we're out of your hair. So you want to look at the car? I see. I see. We don't have a description of a driver, so we have to look for the car. We're sorry for the inconvenience, but it's routine. I understand. But if there is a routine, then I ought to follow the routine... ...that's appropriate to me, to someone with a car in this situation. You see? No, I don't follow. If there's a routine in an investigation like this... ...there must also be a routine for a person like me. For the owner of a car with a license number. That's what I need to consider. The routine. We just want to look at your car. That's what I mean. You see? No. Excuse me, Mr. McCoy. Do you want to tell us something? No. How do you mean? I mean, if there is, now is the time to tell us. Before things get complicated. I just think that to be certain... ...to be safe, sure, I think... If you want to cooperate, that'd be great. If you have a reason not to cooperate... ...you don't have to say anything. That's your right. If you want, you can say nothing at all. You also have the right to an attorney. For that matter... ...if you lack funds for an attorney... ...the state will provide you with one free of charge. If that's what you wanted. I think what I should do is... ...talk to an attorney. So I casually read him his rights. Then he sits down on the guy's desk. And his eyes get bigger and he starts double-talking like crazy. I know that there's something there. Mr. Weiss, I think we got him. Got who? Sherman McCoy. We got him. You think it's him? It's him! This guy is Park Avenue. His father ran Dunning, Sponget and Leach. His wife is a socialite. Does this put an end to this white-justice shit? We have zip on him. We could ing him in for questioning, then go public. Go public? With what? The only witness is in a coma, likely to die. Don't listen. You got a speech to make. Send a signal to the poor people of the city. Let them know justice is blind. Let them know that rich whites get the same treatment as poor blacks. You must give the people hope. You mean, we nail the WASP? To the wall. I like this man. So I tell him, I'm your lawyer from Legal Aid. He says, I don't want a nigger lawyer. I want a Jew. Nice guy. - It's his third drug arrest. He wants a deal. - He'll say he was at the scene? He'll say whatever you want him to say. Get me Andruitti. Tell him it's urgent about this Lamb shit. Suppose this other fellow comes forward. There was another fellow. He was big... I believe you. It was a set-up. They were going to rob you. He has good reasons not to come forward. Now, you just sit tight. Look, you were recommended as the best criminal lawyer around. But I didn't come here to... I want to preempt this situation. I don't want it to go any further. What does that mean? I want to take the initiative. I want to go to the police with Maria... ...with Mrs. Ruskin, and tell them what happened. I feel morally certain that what we did was right... ...in the circumstances we were in. Yeah, you Wall Street honchos are real gamblers. What are you, nuts? They will devour you. - Eat you alive. - Why? Forget that it's a political football. Forget about the TV and Reverend Bacon... ...and Weiss's upcoming election. Remember that everyday, the Bronx DA prosecutes people with names... ...like Tiffany Latour, Sancho Rodriguez... ...Chong Wong and Shabazz Tamali. So he's dying to get his hands on a nice white couple like you and Mrs. Ruskin. I mean, Biscuit City. Open your mouth and they will arrest you. They will make a big show of the arrest. It will be very unpleasant. Guaranteed. And you don't want to be arrested in the South Bronx. Put him on. I'll hold. I'll need to talk to Mrs. Ruskin too. I understand you went to Yale. Yeah. You too? What did you think of it? It was okay, as law schools go. They give you the scholarly view. And it's good for anything you want to do that doesn't involve real people. Andruitti, you guinea bastard! I'm sitting here with Mr. Sherman McCoy. I don't know if he needs a lawyer. What do you think? Okay. So what does that mean? We got a problem. What is it? They're going to arrest you. While Sherman faced catastrophe in his career and in his marriage... ... and while the police were circling, while his life hung in the balance... ... Sherman went to the opera. There he is... Don Juan in the vise-like grip of fate... ...facing his crime, facing his entire life of selfish consumption... ...and profligate wasting of himself and others. You're Judy McCoy's husband. Have you met Au ey Buffing, the poet? He's up for the Nobel Prize. He has AIDS. We were talking about the opera. The wrath of heaven must be at hand. Its justice will not tarry. I see the deadly thunderbolt poised above his head! Suddenly, he saw her in the crowd. Maria! He followed her past the grinning faces full of boiling teeth. Past the conversational bouquets. Past the impeccably emaciated ladies of society. The social X-ray women. Christ, was this the world he lived in? Before he answered the question he saw Maria being introduced... ... to his wife. Maria's just back from Italy. She lives on airplanes. She goes back and forth from Italy like a Ping-Pong ball. Have you met Nunnally Voyd? At last. Bobby Shalfet from the opera. And Arthur Ruskin. And his wife, Maria. We've met. Couldn't you try just once to be a little bit interesting? I wanted you to meet Au ey Buffing. Au ey Buffing. He's on the short list for the Nobel Prize. He has AIDS. You'll love him. We are in the middle of the room, a married couple talking to each other. You simply don't do it. Go mingle. Please. And even when repentance is offered, he refuses. He refuses to deny his life. The food, the drink, the flesh... ...fatal as they may be, he cannot resist them. Maria, may I speak to you? We have to stop meeting like this. Do you know Boris, the ballet dancer? - He's defective. - You mean, he defected. No, I mean he doesn't speak English. Really? Are you sure? Do you know what's going on? Boris, want me to eat your ass? You see? It went right over his head. - We have to talk. - Of course we do. But keep smiling because my husband is watching. He's so pleased with himself. He's just closed a new deal. Charter business. He'll fly Arabs to Mecca. - I'm going to be arrested. - The planes are from Israel. By the police. He'll make a goddamn fortune. My lawyer, if you can call him that... He called me a whore today! Right in front of the servants! Really! How does he expect me to run the house... ...if he humiliates me in front of the help? You have a point. I'm sorry. What are we talking about? The other guy's come forward. Says I was driving. I'm going to be arrested tomorrow. I need to know from you what you want me to say. Maria, darling, I need your advice about something. Sherman, have you met Au ey Buffing? Like so many of us... ...until Death itself takes us into his arms and burns us with the fever of living... ...dragging us like Don Juan into the bonfires of hell! The voice of the ghost ringing in our ears! Repent! Careful. My kid got Styrofoam shit back there and it sticks to your clothes. - How do you feel? - Top notch. This is just a formality, right? No problem. They promised me. I told Maria. I saw her last night. In case we need her. That explains it. She left the country this morning. You know an Italian painter named Filippo Chirazzi? I think your girlfriend's got a new boyfriend. It won't be so bad. This is routine. Andruitti promised we'll be in and out of there. No one will ever know what happened. Cuff him. The zone captain will be there. And the press. What the fuck? What press? Ray promised no bullshit. Weiss gave the order this morning. Somebody's going to pay for this. I made sure I was there that day. That day would be full of revelations. I would meet Sherman McCoy at last. When he finally appeared... Well, excuse me, what the hell...? Who were these people? What were they doing here? This was my story! Sherman McCoy was my baby! My creation! Look at these punks. Get out of here! Why'd you hit that kid? Put the cuffs on him. I'm going to jail, aren't I? Don't say a word. Don't hide your head. You don't even know they're there. I'm going to jail. What do you have to say for yourself? You been arrested before? Where's your wife? You ran down Mrs. Lamb's son. Have you anything to say to her? Here! Let me take your picture, shithead! How do you like this cocktail party? Hello, Mr. McCoy. Don't make any statements! Don't talk to anybody! I'll meet you at the arraignment. Quiet! You people sit down! Shut up! Do you know the charges that have been ought against you? What? How do you plead to the charges? I'm sorry. I am very sorry. Please forgive me. I am truly sorry for everything. Please forgive me. For my life. For everything. I'm truly sorry. Shut up! The defendant pleads not guilty. Bail has been set at $10,000. Order! Order! You people sit down! We do not believe it will serve the interests of justice... ...to allow this man to walk free... ...on a token bail. Mr. Kramer knows perfectly well that my client won't jump bail! Think of the emotions of this community! That is patent nonsense. Bail has already been agreed to. Mr. Weiss has instructed me to ask for bail in the amount of $250,000. Cash! If your office has any information bearing on bail status of this case... ...make a formal application. Meanwhile, I release Mr. McCoy... ...under a bond in the amount of $10,000. Now get this sideshow out of my court! Your Honor, your action will irreparably damage not only the people's case... I have spoken! ...but the people's cause as well. It ill-behooves the criminal justice system! Kindly behoove me no ill-behooves. The court directs you to shut up! He's coming out the back! Fall out! He's coming out the back! Go get him! Get him. He's getting away! He's getting away. So much for my introduction to Sherman McCoy. Before we could even speak, he had been swept away. I began to appreciate the power, the magnitude... ... the sheer force unleashed by my little story. Jackals. These dogs... ... yapping at the heels of their prey. And my God, I was one of them. Let them have it. Enough is enough. With what little dignity I had left, I decided to go home. Excuse me. Do you know where I can find a taxi? Sherman McCoy. Yeah, I know who you are. - What are you doing out here? - I need a taxi. There he is! There's McCoy! You need to get out of here. Come on. We'll get out of here on the subway. I don't usually travel in the subway. I owe you an apology. No, you were very helpful. - You don't know who I am. - It's all right. Thanks. I should go. Go where? You're on a train. Come over here and sit down. I'll make sure you get home. - Want some? - No thanks. Fuck it. What'll they do? Arrest you? Does this train go anywhere near Park Avenue? Not for the last million years. My father rode the subway every day of his life. He didn't live in the South Bronx, though. I look terrible. You look like shit. You don't smell good, either. I think when I was in jail I pissed in my pants. Take it easy. I'm all right. I can't think. Cheer yourself up. Then this newspaper thing started. This Peter Fallow. Everything was wrong. Total disregard for the truth. This is your stop. Everyone calls me by my first name, like they know me. Like they own me. Lawyers, police, newspapers. How did I get to be so important? You're not important. You're dinner. Don't you get it? A week from now, they won't even remember what they ate. Thank you for everything. I should have just called the police right away. Right when it happened. But it really wasn't my decision to make. I wasn't driving the car. It's going to be fine. - What do we want? - Justice! - What do we get? - Racism! It's Sherman! A avo, everybody! You sly fox. Don't let the newspapers keep you down. The press are bloody fruit flies. They hover over the feces. Just swipe them away. But they always come back to the shit. I always thought you were dull. Congratulations. Has anybody talked to you about television? We'd have to play down the racial thing. Kind of make you more sympathetic. I know I'm first, but I wanted to be there before the corpse was cold. $200,000. - I beg your pardon? - Fuck my pardon. I'll suck your dick for the rights. $250,000. A book, a mini-series. $500,000. Go to jail, double. - Is that a great blow job or what? - Excuse me! Didn't mean anything to interrupt anything. Gene asked me to come by. I haven't talked with anyone yet. If there's anything we can do... I'll be back to work in a day or two. That won't be necessary. That's what I was sent to... You don't have to. I mean, you shouldn't come down. They don't want you to come down. Sherman, I'm sorry. Between this and the way you handled the Giscard deal... - I mean, $600,000,000 is a... - This is final? Well, the firm feels that... I'm sorry. Judy, could we... What's going on? This dinner party was planned weeks ago, if you bothered to check your calendar. Under the circumstances... I know the whole story. I saw it on television. I'm sorry. Judy, I am. You betrayed us. Me. Campbell. Even yourself. But I'm chairing the museum benefit thanks to your escapades. What can I say? Life goes on. I'll make the best of an appalling situation. Can you forgive me? I suppose I can forgive anything, but not television. I'm leaving you. After the party. Now if you will excuse me, we have guests. I'm terribly sorry to bother you. Is this a bad time? The more the merrier. I've been in touch with the co-op board. We want you to know you have our support. You know, I wanted to die... ...with everybody calling my name in that courtroom. Of course. It's hard to believe. And then I thought, I have a gun. A 12-gauge, pump action. We've known each other a long time. We went to Buckley together. My father knew your father. I speak as a friend and also for the board. How do I get the barrels into my mouth? How am I going to pull the trigger? I read about a man who took off his shoe... ...and pulled the trigger with his toe. This can't be a comfortable situation for you. Is that a gun? Where would I do it? And who would find me? Yes, exactly. Have you considered... ...changing residence for a while? You want me to leave? This is my home. I have no safe place to go. People are threatening my life. I must protect myself. People are demonstrating out front. Black people with basketballs. You're putting everyone at risk! It's not your fault. But that's the fact. If you're so scared, you move out. Please. Start... ...by moving out of my apartment now. I came here in good faith. Now, out! You were a fat blowhard at Buckley... ...and you're a fat blowhard now! I'll enforce the provision on unacceptable situations. Another word and you'll have an unacceptable situation up your ass! March! That goes for the rest of you too! Out! I said, Get out! Parasites! Everybody out! Out of my house! Out of my apartment! Out of my life! Sherman McCoy is dead! Sherman McCoy of Park Avenue and Wall Street... ...will never be Sherman McCoy again! Meanwhile, just a few blocks away, I was being praised and congratulated. It should have been a triumphant yours truly... ... but it wasn't. My encounter with the real Sherman McCoy was spoiling everything. Truth has a way of doing that. Daddy, dinner. - Yes. Shall we take Peter with us? - Lovely. Pay full attention to this story. We look better and better the more we do for the Lambs. These poor little Lambs. These fuzzy-wuzzy little wogs! Phone call for you in the office. Thank you. I'm expecting a call about the story. I'll see you at dinner. Thank you. Where's the phone? I lied. I wanted to see you alone. I'm going to do you a favor. Does this mean I'll finally get into your panties? You don't deserve this, Peter. I'm going to tell you something. I'm with some people right outside. Relax, darling. Do you remember... ...my pretty little Italian friend? The painter. Frederico. No. Franco. Filippo. The shit. You are very intoxicated. Filippo has run off with a little slut you should know about. Isn't that dangerous? At the very least, unsanitary? Shut up, Peter. You're not listening. Her name is Maria Ruskin. She was subletting my apartment. She was also subletting Filippo. As it turns out... ...she was in the car with Sherman McCoy when he had his little mishap. You're joking. I never joke. She was in the bloody car. How do you know? The apartment was bugged. They had a wire in the intercom. They wanted to prove I wasn't living there. Which I wasn't. Now I've lost the apartment and the boyfriend. Do you know where they are? I am trusting you to find them. When you do... ...give them this. Tell them it's from the little twat who turned them in. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Mr. Ruskin. Peter Fallow. I'm a good friend of your wife. My wife. My wife. I'm glad she's not here. Otherwise I couldn't have a drink. A Courvoisier VSOP. Put it in a sidecar. Where is Maria? Italy. She's always in Italy. She's young. She needs young people. I know what goes on. I'll want to talk to her. My office has her number. I'm not supposed to drink, but I love a sidecar. So you're on The City Light? We're profiling the new tycoons. Naturally, we thought of you. Good. Good. I like that. New tycoons. What do you want to know? The best one happened a few weeks ago. My jackass pilot lands long and the plane goes off the runway. I was on the plane. We were going to Mecca. The plane is full of Arabs with animals. Goats, sheep, chickens. They don't go anywhere without their animals. We had to put plastic in the cabins. They urinate, they defecate. Anyway, the plane goes off the runway and lands into that sand with a jolt! The right wing tip digs into the sand and spins around in a circle. Three hundred and sixty degrees. I'm scared shitless. Panic! I look in the cabin. In there, calm, quiet... ...they're picking up their luggage and animals... ...and looking out the window at a little fire on the wings. They're waiting for the doors to open like nothing happened! Then it dawns on me. They think it's normal! That's how you stop a plane! Stick the wing in the sand and let it spin until it stops! They'd never been on a plane before! What do they know? They think this is how you do it! Mrs. Ruskin? I'm Peter Fallow. I want to express my sympathies. How very kind. Did you know Arthur? Actually, I was quite close to him when he died. I have reprobated myself, over and over again, for not being there. I understand that you're Sherman McCoy's lover. Excuse me? And that you were driving the car on the night of that unfortunate accident. - Sherman would never tell you that. - Tell me what happened that night. Listen, Mr. Peckerhead. I am here for my husband's funeral. Understand? Go away. Disappear. Disintegrate. Yes, yes, yes. This story was getting better every day. I could smell it. Hell, some of it was even true. I was back on track. I was a reporter again. You're a muckraking yellow journalist! You print this story without so much as a by-your-leave to me or the Reverend. Who do you think you are? For chrissakes, calm down. You have to keep your voices down. Sherman McCoy was not driving the car. I think I can prove it. So what? This is our case. Right here. The hospital is the guilty party. The hospital? The hospital. A young man comes in with a cere al concussion. They treat him for a oken wrist. That is our case. That is the lawsuit we'll ing against the hospital. That is what we have been working toward all this time. And you are confusing the issue. What about Sherman McCoy? What about the truth? Congratulations. You're a reporter again. Don't forget where your story came from. That's right. You our boy, Peter. You take care of us and we'll take care of you. I promise you that is going to be a very profitable relationship... ...for all of us. Annie, I know nothing can heal the wound that you've suffered. But $10,000,000 in damages will make your grief more comfortable. I could use a few things. I feel that the presentation of my person should be carefully designed. I think I should have the right wardrobe. So if Mr. Fox's limousine could pick me up tomorrow morning... ...I could do some shopping. Certainly. I printed the story they wanted. If you work in a whorehouse, there's only one thing to be. The best whore in the house. And I was beginning to see even greater possibilities in my situation. They're going to sue the hospital. All they want is money. Can you imagine using a tragedy like this for your own selfish motives? It really is terrible. Shut up, asshole! What is happening to my campaign? The People versus Sherman McCoy? Where is my issue? Where is my cause? Where is my hope? We've got to talk to this Ruskin woman. You go to the press. Tell them we're going to question the woman. If she's the woman in the car, she faces possible charges, etc., etc. And you! Mr. Wise-Guy-Know-It-All-Shitface! You got us into this! You're going to get us out. Look at me when I talk to you! Go to this oad. Tell her she's in a whole lot of trouble. But, if she's willing to cooperate, if she'll say what we want her to say... ...we will grant her immunity. What are you waiting for? Go! Today? Her husband's funeral is today. I don't care if today is her mother's bar mitzvah. Go to her. Now! I hear you did some creative wiring in the building. You bugged Caroline Heftshank's apartment. In three minutes, I had what I needed. It was more than a story. I had the makings of a book. A great book. A prize-winning effort. All I needed was a finish. - Do you have the tape upstairs? - I got it. I shipped off a present to McCoy's lawyer and waited for the fireworks. I don't feel terrifically sexy at the moment. You know I'm a sucker for a soft dick, Sherman. You are incorrigible. That is me! That's Maria! Where did you get this? Listen! We could still go to the police. We could get a talented lawyer. And put our heads right into the tiger's mouth? I'm the one who was driving the car. Shouldn't I be the one to make that decision? And I say no. I say no. The apartment was wired? It was bugged all that time? Why? Who knows? Whoever sent this tape is either a fan of yours or not a fan of Maria's. Then we have this as evidence! This tape is illegal. Totally illegal. The guy who did this could go to jail. If this were your tape, it'd be legal. But it's not. If it were my tape? If you recorded your own conversation... ...it would be okay. But this tape can't be used as evidence in a court of law. Then what good is it? - It gave me an idea. - What kind of idea? About what you wear to the funeral. What funeral? Please be seated. In accordance with the wishes of Mr. Ruskin... ...Manny Leerman will play a medley of Arthur's favorite songs. It's me. Sherman. I need to talk to you. Can you come? What are you doing here? I had to talk to you. Sherman, it seems like you've been doing all your talking to the newspapers. I had nothing to do with it. We didn't want your name ought up. I see. Maria, you have to help me. How can I help you? This may sound strange, but you could start by... ...telling the police what really happened that night. Sherman, you are the sweetest thing. I'm not sure anybody knows what really happened that night. Not anymore. There's something about funerals that is so stimulating. My panties have been wet all morning. Maria, stop. What's wrong with you? Why are you all hunched over? What's on your back? This lump, this piece of metal. - That's my belt buckle. - You don't have a buckle in the back. There's subterfuge afoot! You're secreting something on your body! I want to see what it is! A hidden microphone? A wire! You rotten, dishonest bastard! I didn't want to do it! You gave me no choice! Go away, whoever you are! I'm so sorry. I'm Jed Kramer, of the district attorney's office. District attorney's office. My, my, my, Mr. McCoy. I'd say your goose is just about home-fried. I have protected you. I have been a gentleman about this. I've tried to keep your name out of the papers. Now you must do the right thing! Never. Never! Never! I hope you die and hang in the electric chair! Mrs. Ruskin, I apologize for the intrusion... He's gone! I know. And I'm sorry for your loss. He just ran out the back door! - Who? - Sherman McCoy! I'm sorry if I alarmed you, but he was acting very strange. Where are my manners? My name is Maria Ruskin. I'm Kramer. Jed Kramer. I'm the assistant district attorney. Bronx County. I see. What a handsome district attorney you are. We have a lot to talk about. Because if I'm going to testify... ...I need to know what I should or should not say. You can start by telling the police what really happened that night. Sherman, you are the sweetest thing. I'm not sure anybody knows what really happened. Not anymore. They weren't sure downstairs if you were here. I usually come up the back way now. I see. May I? It's all gone. Everything. Judy's gone too? She moves quickly. She's got a good lawyer. I'm not sure I ever really liked her, your wife. Or this apartment, for what you paid for it. Or the furniture... Or my car, or my job, or my clothes, my life, my money! Christ! You did not come all the way here... ...on a fucking subway to tell me... I am not... ...at this late date, going to get the ethics and morality speech! Not now! Not when I have to do what I'm going to do in court tomorrow. If you came to give me that... Jesus Christ! I don't know how to do this. You didn't call. We wanted to help. I came to say that we're here for you. You're our son and we love you. I don't mean we. I mean I. I love you. That's all. Please. Have you thought about what you want to do? There's only one thing I can do. I want the truth to come out and burn every one of them. There's only one way to do that. Lie. I have always been a great believer in the truth. I've lived my life as honestly as I can. I believe in the truth as an essential companion to a man of conscience. A beacon in this vast and dark wasteland that is our modern world. And yet... Yes? In this case, if the truth won't set you free... ...then lie. Did this incident take place on the ramp to the expressway, or on the avenue itself? On the avenue. Right on the street. Was there a barricade, or an obstruction of any kind, that forced the car to stop? No, there was nothing like that at all. Just one last question. Who was driving the car when Henry Lamb was hit? Sherman never let anyone drive his car. So, Sherman McCoy was driving the car? Yes. Lock him up! Bang it shut! Lock him up! Bang it shut! Chill, everybody. Chill! And there it was. The end of Sherman McCoy. It wasn't the ending I was hoping for. All my work, all my efforts, down the tubes. My hero was gone. Finished. Maria might as well have put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. She and everyone in this courtroom. I saw a wave of triumph wash over them. I could feel them rising like the tide as Sherman sank before them. The Master of the Universe was going down for the third time. It was all over. There was no hope now. The darkness closed in around him. And then I noticed a peculiar thing. Sherman was smiling. You people settle down! I will have you all thrown out! You are out of order! Order in here! Order! Order! Go on, Mrs. Ruskin. And I wanted... ...to report the incident, but he wouldn't let me. He said that he was driving... ...and that it was his decision to make. And did that surprise you? I was shocked. There are certain qualities of virtue that I admire in a human being. Virtues that I hope... ...I possess myself. We have time for a quickie. What do you say? I don't feel terrifically sexy at the moment. You know I'm a sucker for a soft dick, Sherman. You are incorrigible. We could still go to the police. We could get a talented lawyer. And put our heads into the tiger's mouth? I'm the one who was driving the car. Order in here, goddamn it! Order! Approach the bench. Now, gentlemen. Damn it. That can't be used. - Whose tape is this? - Mine. Shut up! I remind you that you are still under oath. Did you record this conversation? Yes, sir, I did. I recorded the conversation on this tape. My tape. This is my tape... ...of my conversation. I recorded it. Get out of my face. All of you! You can't let them get away with this! Order! Order in the court! You insist on testing the will of this court? Now shut up and sit down! Very well. In the case of The People versus Sherman McCoy... ...based on the evidence contained in this recording... ...I order the indictment dismissed in the interest of justice. That's not justice, you racist pig! Racist? You dare call me racist? I say unto you... ...what does it matter the color of a man's skin... ...if witnesses... ...perjure themselves? If a prosecutor... ...enlists the perjurers? When a district attorney... ...throws a man to the mob... ...for political gain? When men of the cloth... ...men of God... ...take the prime cuts? Is that justice? I don't hear you. I'll tell you what justice is. Justice... ...is the law. And the law... ...is man's feeble attempt... ...to set down the principles of decency. Decency. And decency is not a deal! It isn't an angle, or a contract or a hustle. Decency... Decency is what your grandmother taught you. It's in your bones. Now you go home. Go home and be decent people. Be decent. Mr. McCoy, you're free to go. I don't fucking believe this. Shit! So we come to the end of our story. That was the last I saw of Sherman McCoy. The last anyone saw of him. He was gone... ... in a blaze of glory. A hero for our times. Or as close to a hero as we're likely to get these days. And now, without further ado, the man of the moment. The winner of the Pulitzer Prize... ...the National Book Award and every other prize you can win. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Peter Fallow. Sherman, who started with so much, lost everything. But he gained his soul. Whereas I, who started with so little... ... gained everything. But what does it profit a man if he gains the world and loses... Ah, well. There are compensations. English subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER

After the matter is over, the images would not disappear completely due to the influence of reversible nerve connection. He will be afraid of looking at himself because of the consistent mood memory. The centre of fear will cause him to develop emotions such as preference and fear. When he is in fear, he will enter the state of false death. - stop eathing. And his heart might even stop beating from functional effects. Because of reversible nerve connection, illusions will stay and he will choose to avoid remembering. How are you, upper classmates? Chen Ling. I'm the new captain of the basketball team. I saw you and you're pretty good at playing. Are you interested in joining the team? If you were to join, we'd surely win the college cup. Isn't that quite a waste of time? Do we get paid if we win the championship? Of course not. Then forget it. Didn't I tell you he was strange? Is he a little conceited? Qi Luo. Han Qi Luo. Sorry. Little sweet teacher. Hello. Qi Luo. How did you get to know such a bad kid? Listen to your teacher. Stay away from him. In the back. Come over. Hurry up. So much stuff. Sorry.. I interrupted you during your class. Oh, yeah. Return this to you. It was a little crumpled.. but I've made a copy. Thank you. You're thanking me? I messed up your drawing. Why thank me? Sorry.. because.. I didn't know there was a drawing at the back, so I stuffed it in my pant pocket carelessly. It's okay. Anyway, it's only a draft. It's no use once I paint it on canvas. Useless meaning... you want to throw it away? If you're going to throw it away.. Can you give it to me? If you really like it.. I can give you the final oil painting. Really? You're not kidding me, right? I'll paint as fast as I can. Don't I act somewhat imprudent? I'm taking your stuff for no reason. Now that I think it over.. It really feels that way. I don't have money. What is there that I can use for exchange? Why don't I protect you? Let's agree on it first. Whatever happens to you in the future.. I will certainly be by your side and help you. Let's just agree on it. Okay? Anyway, this is just what I'm capable of doing. Bye bye. Also.. There's one more thing I can help you with. It's... When you want to fool around.. I can contribute my body for you to use. Free of charge. Bye bye. Can you.. Can you lend me your body? What did you just say? I.. I just said.. Can you lend me your body to be my model? You can come in now. So sneaky like this.. I'm not used to it. Over there is fine. Do I need to take off my clothes? No. You only need to take off the jacket. You can just sit here. How do I sit? However you like. When I said I would lend you my body, I never thought you would waste a heavenly thing and use it for painting. My original intention was.. that the two of us went to do something happy and would make you feel very comfortable. Hey. I heard you hate men. Is it true? Why do you hate them? It's not because you like girls right? Could you please not twist around? And stop talking. It's hard for me to draw with you acting like this. I'm not a statue like these, I'm a real person. Have you heard of the Mars prophecy? Talk. It says that a terrifying King will control this world and the world will be ruled by Mars. What kind of world do you think it would be if it was ruled by Mars? It seems that you're more inclined to believe that Mars is evil. It doesn't matter what I believe in. The world is all messed up anyway. It'll collapse sooner or later. I also don't believe the future is going to be that great. So why not.. just come to a flashy and glorified end? Doesn't that sound better? Why hasn't it happened yet? This world.. I wonder how it's going to end. If the world is really destroyed.. Wouldn't you be devastated? What happened to your hand? He's already fallen asleep, just like that. He acts crazily. And it's difficult for people to identify him. But he has such a clean face, such a pure face. I can't sense any trace of malice in it. In this world.. there are many malicious people and you can't do anything about them. It doesn't matter how hard they try to pretend. Their malice will be revealed bit by bit and emit a foul smell. 'Appear' is 'vi', an intransitive verb. It's very easy, right? Anyone want to volunteer and come up here to construct a sentence? Chen Ling. Chen Ling. The teacher wants you to go up front. What for? To construct a sentence. Teacher, let me do it. Don't be so quick. Let's give Chen Ling a chance. What's the matter, Chen Ling? You've taken this course for two years. This shouldn't be difficult for you. Is that right that you can piss people off during the 10-minute recess? You woke me up. Don't blame me. This teacher, who appears to be nice, is in reality a terrible person who initiates sexual harrassment to his female students. Quiet! Quiet! Stop making noises! Teacher. I stayed in Los Angeles for eight years when I was eight years old. Hurry up. Isn't it fun to strike back? Tong Dao. Tong Dao. It's time to come back. What were you doing over there? I was watching the world's most beautiful thing. You tore apart your clothes again? Tong Dao. What happened? You're not wearing your uniform again. Because this makes me look more normal. Dr. Zhao said you'd be released from the hospital next week. You've been here probably for almost two years. Two months short. President, you remember my name. People here, are coming and going, but I remember every kid, and their individual stories. What a coincidence. I've been looking for a person to answer my question. I once found a drawing left by a previous patient. Do you know who drew it? Of course, I remember. He was my patient. He's about your age. When he just checked into the hospital, he dared not to look at mirrors. He oke all the mirrors in the hospital. I wonder how he's doing now. Chen Ling. You're leaving? Yeah. I'm on my way to work. Then.. I'll go to your place tonight, okay? Aren't we already over? Bye bye. Okay. I'll call you if I get home early. Bye bye. Qing Mei. What are you doing? You still haven't given up? Some things will never end. Fortunately, you reacted quickly. Otherwise, you'd either be dead or half dead at your normal speed. Both your ake lines have been cut off. Does someone have a grudge against you? Too many to count. You better be careful. Do you still race? Bike out of service. No money. How can I race? Did you fight with your dad again? Yeah. I just don't get along with him. And he keeps bugging me to quit riding motorcycles all the time. He's just worried about you. Why don't you move back home? Go home? If I go home, I think I'd go crazy. But you're already crazy anyway. True. Good morning, Teacher Fang. Good morning. Good morning, Teacher. Good morning. Good morning, Teacher Fang. Good morning. Good morning, Teacher. It seems that you have more than one side that people don't know about. What are you talking about? Stop pretending. I almost ended up lying on a hospital bed. Fortunately, I like thrilling and dangerous things. But.. Dear Teacher Fang. If we're going to play.. Why not go all out? If it were me, I wouldn't leave something unfinished. Oh, yeah. If I remember correctly... Teacher, you're driving a white Civic, right? Be careful driving. Classmates. Classmates.. I've just heard some news from the administration office that English Teacher Fang has just a uptly quitted. Oh.. Why? ... Chen Ling. Are you listening to what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I'm listening. I heard you oke up with Vivian, the junior. Is that right? Why did we eak up? Stop it. I mean it. I mean what I say, too. If you don't want to say, then forget it. Hey, take me for a ride on your bike sometime. Uh.. No. My bike gets jealous when I let girls ride on it. And then it knocks me off to the ground. Oh, sorry. What are you doing? You're bleeding. How clumsy. By what you were doing, you've put her in a very dangerous position. Do you know that? Dangerous? Oh, you're referring to that? That's a habit I have since my childhood. What a strange habit. It's not as if you're ugly and nobody wants you. So why do you like a simple and conservative girl who doesn't know how to take care of herself? Let me tell you. If anything happens to Qi Luo because of you, I won't get involved. Why are you so concerned about her? You like Qi Luo. Don't you? What are you talking about? Do I like her? Yes, you do. I've suspected it for a long time. One moment you said she was weird. Next, you told me to stay away from her. What about now? Are you interested in Qi Luo? Do you like Qi Luo or not? Whether I like her or not, it doesn't matter. Since high school.. I've been a nobody. You've got quite an attitude lately, Classmate. Don't think you're so high and mighty just because somebody's been a little nicer to you lately. Do you think Ling would be serious with a girl like you? Hey. What kind of expression is that? What is that? Do you think that we're bullying you? Say something. I just don't like the way you look pitiful and miserable. Everyday, you hide in a corner acting pitiful. You also react slowly. I feel sick whenever I see you. You like to act pitiful, don't you? Fine. Today, I'll grant your wish. But I hope you'll always remember... Never go near Chen Ling again. Classmates. Class begins. Han Qi Luo didn't come? She usually doesn't skip class. Teacher, She won't be coming today. She won't be coming? That's strange. Even Da Ye and Chen Ling aren't here. Fine. Let's get ready to start class. Please take out your textbooks, and turn to page 145. What happened? How did this happen? Was it because of me? Who did this? It's none of your business. It's all because I'm too timid... So people don't like me. Where do you live? I'll take you home. Let's go. You're still thinking about staying here, and continuing school? Don't tell me you want to go back to class. Didn't you say you didn't let people ride your bike? I've changed my mind. That's right. If you get on the bike, you'll have to be very close to me. You also have to hold me really tight, but yet you don't like men. Forget it... if you're that reluctant. Make sure the helmet's fastened. Where's yours? The bike only has one helmet. You'd better pray for me not to be caught. Are you ready? Hold me tight. Qing Mei. There's motorcycle noise. Lai Qing Mei, what are you doing? We're in class. Thank you. Were you scared? Since I got on your bike, I could only trust you. Fear wouldn't help. Thank you for willing to trust yourself with me. You like to do insincere, momentary, sweet talk. Thank you for helping me so much. You've just rescued me. Last time, you said you'd protect me. I know you didn't mean it.. but I'm still very happy about it. They're very important to me.. because I haven't been this close to anyone for a very long time. Thank you. Qi Luo. Qi Luo. What are you doing to my daughter? Mom, you got it all wrong. He wasn't going to hurt me. Something happened at school. He rescued me and ought me home with his bike. This is my mother. I'm sorry. I saw Qi Luo looking rather depressed, so... Aunt, don't mention it. Oh, yeah. I haven't introduced myself. I'm Chen Ling. I'm Qi Luo's classmate. Nice to meet you. I'm at your service. Wow.. So this is what a mother's hand is. It's so warm. Qi Luo. Shouldn't we go up? Qi Luo. Let's go. Yes. It's nothing. I want to ask you.. what you think of Da Ye. What I mean is.. Do you think he's filthy?.. Or you really don't like him? Why do you think this way? What I mean is.. nothing. That's all. You want me to be in races? Are you sure about that? I don't even have a bike. How can I compete? I'll get the bike ready. Maintenance and repairs aren't issues either. All you're responsible for is riding the bike. Ling. Don't you want to be a GP rider? Then you must perform well in some international races before being qualified for GP. I think this time, if we're lucky, we may be able.. to get an original bike from a manufacturer. Really? Those manufacturers are looking for some young.. and promising riders to represent them in racers. What do you think? But I've been out of it for so long. No problem. I'll find some people, and form a team. I'll be in charge of training you. How about that?

Ice tea, Jack? Sure, Mrs. Miranda. Sure is hot, isn't it, Jack? It sure is, Mrs. Miranda. Please, call me Jilly. Sure, Mrs. Miranda. Um, Jilly. I like that... the way my name sounds... coming off your lips. Jack and Jilly. Jack and Jilly went up the hilly. What are you doing? Relax, Jack. Mrs. Miranda, where is Mr. Miranda? Wait, Jack. What? What are you doing? What?! It was too quick. It was too fucking quick. What are you talking about? Quiver, quake, tremble a little. I didn't feel any nervousness. It was just like the last time... and the time before. Just like last time and the time before? Jack and Jilly? Jack and Jilly went up the hilly? How many times are you going to use... Jack and Jilly went up the hilly? I like Jack and Jilly went up the hilly. Yeah, I know you do. Well, listen, pal... this is my fucking fantasy. When you get your own pool... you can orchestrate your own fantasies. Fine. Two words for you, little man. Jackie Fucking Collins. Bone up. Jack and Jilly went up the hilly... to get a pail of water. Give it to me! What in fuck's sake is going on here? Burt! I can explain. You see what I just did there? I was beginning to suspect things. You see, Jack? I see. He raped me, Burt. He raped me! Jilly, Jilly... shut up! You want to do something about that thing? Burt! No, Burt! Mr. Miranda... The pool guy. The pool guy. You know what upsets me most... hand to god... is that you are a great pool guy, Jack. When Salvatore was our pool guy... I could never open my eyes underwater. There was too much chlorine, they burned for a week. But with you, my eyes are always open. I can play that game. You know, the one where I toss a penny... in the deep end... and then go hunt for it. With Salvatore... I could never play that game. You weren't- No, Burt! This smells like shit. It's because they're grown in shit. You look at them? They're blue, means they're good. Pilot! What's it going to be? I only have 30 bucks. Pilot! Look, just forget it, all right? Go read a book. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jack Hayes... the God of Fuck. Bro, you're never going to believe this shit! I am so fucking fucked. I just had a- I already heard, dude. You heard? Yeah, Dylan and Wheezer were by. Yo, what did they say? Whatever, dude, they're voids. The point is, Jack, can you find someone... a little more dangerous to fuck? No. But I tried, o, I really fucking did. How was it? Oh, man, it was sick. Give it to me. Give it to me. He shoves a .45 straight up my fucking nose. Grabbed this lamp- Yeah, dude. Did you nut? Come on, Pilot. No, of course not. Because no girl is worthy... of the God of Fuck. So what are you going to do? About what? You've got to get the hell out of Dodge. What are you talking about, man? Burt Miranda. Yeah? Yeah, Burt Miranda! Yeah, I know Burt Miranda, I was just in his bed. You've got to bolt, Jack! What do you mean, I've got to bolt? Do you know how much he paid for those tits? No, how much did he pay for those titties? No sympathy, man. I got no sympathy for you! Come on. I've been telling you for months- Jilly Miranda is black death. You don't listen. You don't listen. Yeah, sweet Connie. Y'all remember sweet Connie? Single, no kids... full-blown football scholarship to State. It all changed when that... Delilah-eyed sweet, sweet Connie... moved to town. Jerry, Rodney, Shaker, Dale, Big Bill, Clark. Dad, the name's Dad. Little Bootie. Nice work with Jilly. What? I said, nice work with Jilly. You heard, too? Look, the thing about owning a pecker... is you've got to be responsible with it. Check it out, Bootie... Clark's doling out some fatherly advice. He's drunk. I'm not drunk. Just a little happy. Yo, Bootie. I got to take off. I know. For a while. Maybe a long while. Yeah. Late. Late. You know, the inside of her thigh... Texture like I never came across again. Hey, Mrs. Kelson. Pilot ain't in. He's at school. He graduated two years ago, Mrs. Kelson. Whatever. Where's your boy, Hayes? Which boy would that be? Jack. Everybody know these fellas? Work for Burt Miranda. Used to call you 'Miranda's Pandas.' What are we going to do? Well, we're not going to play... the 'is it me?' game again, all right? Not again. OK. All right. But is it me? No. What is it? A war wound. Really? Maybe. But you do think I'm hot. Pilot! Oh, sorry, Pi. Pilot, I got to talk to you. Bye, Lucy. Bye. Pandas came by Propane Lane. Oh, let the games begin. Look, he won't kill you, all right? That's for sure. I mean, he's too rich... he's paved half the valley... he's got major juice. Every wiseguy and high roller... comes through Vegas knows Burt Miranda. So if he won't kill me, what does he want? You know, every hoodlum has his thing. Burt Miranda's is, he has the Pandas... eak the feet of his enemy. Break my feet? Break my feet?! He ain't eakin' my feet. Broken feet are the worst, like black death. Totally gothic. I mean, like, you can't use crutches, you can't sit in a wheelchair... because the weight distribution... making all the blood flow to your ankles... and making it worse. You can't do shit. I mean, you hobble. No, no, you stumble. You stumble about. It's completely gothic. He ain't eakin' my feet. He is if he bags you. Well, he ain't baggin' me. Because we're out of here. 'We?' Yeah, we. Oh, man, I told you, Jack! I've got a lot of things going on here! Pilot, you're a lifeguard... in a therapy pool, for Christ's sake. Look, I got to go to Scawldy's and cash out... I got to take Lucy back to work... I got to rent videos... I got to pick up some TV dinners for my mom- You've been talking... about leaving the Veg for-for- since you were two! This is enough. No! Come on! I'm out of here! Bro- No! ! Bro, it'll be like... Luke Duke, and the other guy. Really? Yeah. No! God! What am I supposed to do? You should go to Seattle. Seattle? Definitely Seattle. Why Seattle? Does the phrase, 'What the fuck... 'difference does it make to your ass, Jack... you ain't got no place else to go,' mean anything to you right now? All right, all right! God, just tell me why. Pop quiz. Go. Number of furious kill boys... that want to make wine out of your feet? Three. Number of options you've got? Well, you know... Number of options you've got, Jack? I've got an aunt in South Dakota. -Jack. -What? Number of options you've got? Few. Destination? Seattle? Perfect score. Gold star, Jacky. Higher, ing it higher. Get it all. No fucking around. Come on, o. Keep it steady, hold it steady. What's up, ladies? Boys! What up! What's up, Jack? Jack! The God of Fuck, o! Bro, Jilly Miranda. Oh, no. Hello? Hello? Bad dick! Very bad dick! Bad dick! Well, since I'm down here, I might as well just for a little bit- How does everybody on Planet Fricking Earth... know this shit already? You guys never know anything. You don't even know... that Kennedy was assassinated. Wait, George Kennedy was assassinated? Bro, Jilly Miranda is a deviant, OK? She's a major deve. She gets off on causing trouble, OK? But did she at least... make you bust a little coo-coo? Did you? 1 1 years... he hasn't busted a nut, right? Hey, five. Taking it off over here, boss. Hey, Pilot, you little fuck, did you sell that boom? Yeah. Hey, shut up. Mayhem, shut the fuck up! All right. The hound has some major trust issues... with our boy Pilot here. Yo, wiping it off over here, boss. Listen, I tell you, putting you down at that water park... was an entrepreneurial milestone. Speaking of which... there's a rave over by Whiskey Pete's. Yo, sip of water over here, boss. Will you shut the fuck up for a blink of an eye! I want you over there... with some GHB and some window pane, all right? Yo, I can't. What? I can't, man. I'm going with Jack. Going with Jack where? Scawldy! Scawldy! I've got to bail. Of course, right. Burt Miranda. Of course, of course. All right, man, that's cool. Where you guys headed? We're thinking Seattle, you know? Jilly Miranda, man... I'd like to take a ride on her. Little sweet ass pooper, you know what I mean? Wahoo! Let's go. No, Scawldy, look... I've got to get out of here, all right? What is your rush, boys? Come on, you've got the world... by a fucking string right here. Scawldy! I've got to go. Yo, man, can I have my cut? They're after my fucking toes, man. Fuck! ! Well, otay. Where you guys going? Detroit? Dee-troit? Yeah, Detroit. Detroit's cool. Right on. Detroit's got that old school shit... you know what I'm saying? Like Motor City Madman, Ted Fucking Nugent, man. I got you in a stranglehold, baby You know, Scawld... we're thinking about getting a stake. Sell as we go, finance the trip. The Detroit trip. What are you boys thinking about? What do you need? Well, what do you got? What have I got? Dude, what have I got? I got it all, man! I got- I'm the fucking- Dude, I'm the fucking thing... what is that thing at Thanksgiving... the horn thing, the fucking horn thing... overflowing with goodies? The fucking horn thing... with all the fucking goodies coming out. Nice working with you, fuckface. What do you call that thing? A cornucopia. Aha, there you go. Pilot, my man, knows everything. He's a regular goddamn Pat Sajak! I got it all. I got the kind, daffy fucking bud, man... the hydro nuggety-nugs... red fiber... herbal medications sweep upon the nation. The red, red, red, red fiber, you know what I'm saying? I've got an amino acid concoction... marinating in the back right now, man. It creates a totally profound excursion. It opens up all your fucking pleasure glands... you know what I'm saying? You're like in a field of snow... but you're really in sand... and you're making a goddamn little angel. Good God almighty, you're creating symphonies, you had no idea! You'll be a genius, my friend. I got rock soaked in the wine cooler. I've got wine cooler that's been soaked in rock! I got these new 'ludes in powdered form. You snort it up! Your head flies open! The bats fly in, they shoot out! I fucking snapped out of it... I chomped about four of them, right? And I was fucking the Coke machine... in the Motel 6. She was coming Fresca, man, like crazy. I got some mushroom tea. I got some ecstasy. I got some opium. And I think I hear the police coming after me. I hear the police coming, I hear the police coming, I hear the police coming after me. What's it going to be, boys? How about you give us two Z's of endo, 100 hits of E, and a page of blotter? That's my man, pots and pans. I have it ready. I'll fill your order. I can't believe that you told him... 'We're thinking Seattle.' What kind of total void are you, Jack? Pilot, relax, man. He thinks we're going to Detroit. Yeah? Man, tomorrow morning... that freak wakes up... his nipple ring's been torn off... he's got a and-new monkey in his closet... and a 14-year-old Asian boy... lying next to him is in a diabetic coma... he won't remember a fucking thing about last night... except that we're taking our trick asses to Seattle! Give me the keys. So we don't go to Seattle. We'll just go someplace else. Someplace else? Yeah, like I said... I've got an aunt in South Dakota. I got a cousin... in Albuquerque, Tempe, Valencia. Oh, o! There's a black belt convention in Reno! Come on! No. It's cool. You're right. I mean, Scawldy thinks we're going to Detroit... let's go to Seattle. Hi, you've reached the Carnes's. Billy's in Boston, Amy's in Seattle... but we're still here, so leave a message. That Lucy? Uh, yeah. How did she take it? She took it fine, you know, I mean... shit, all she's going to be without... are my clever observations. You bang her yet? Not even close, man. If 'bang her'... is an island off the Caribbean... me and Lucy are stuck in traffic in Jersey. Whatever. The point is... you haven't been to the Dan D. Fine. Of course not, have you? Clark ought me there when I was 12. Good old Clark! Who needs Disneyland? It's on the way, maybe we could stop by. What for? If there's something wrong with your pipe... the Dan D. Fine will clean it out. There's nothing wrong with me. Well, I mean, maybe... look, man, we've got to put miles... between us and the Veg, you know? And plus, you know, there are bound to be... other places like the Dan D. Fine... further along down the road. What did you say? I mean, I think it's better... if we just skip it. Bro, there is nothing... nothing like the Dan D. Fine. So get in the fucking car. Let's go, you pussy. Make a woman out of you yet. I don't know, Jack. Good evening, gentlemen. How you doing, Frood? How's your dad, Jack? He's all right. Have a seat. I didn't even take out the gock. Leave me alone! Mauzner, I don't care who your daddy is, OK? It don't give you the right... to come in here and act like a virus! Can it! Good evening, gentlemen. Welcome to the Dan D. Fine. My name is Naomi. Would you like to meet the ladies? Sure. What's up, dude? Maker's rocks. Sorry, Mauzner, I don't think we should- Make it a double. Gentlemen. Huzzah, huzzah, huzzah. Come on in, babies. Meet your new boyfriends. Aren't they sweet? Come on, don't be shy, Let's move it, time is money. Come on. OK. Introduce yourselves, ladies. Sophie. Lois. Sally Sue. Alexis. Natalie. Look at those legs, man, look at those legs. She used to wear these... patent leather go-go fuck me boots riding up. One of these bitches quit... and stole all their shoes, man. Damn shame, too, I was hoping... to get a stomping tonight. Julie. You ever have a chick walk on your balls? Yeah. Ever fuck a 14-year-old? Sir? Dude, I- I forgot everyone's names. Amateur. OK. Go. Cindy, Jackie, Snatchie, Cunty, Assfuck, Blow Job. Dude, pick a girl... and stick your cock in her, man. Hey, let him take his time, all right? Whatever, dude. Yeah, I'll take Lois. Good choice. Come on, Lois... take him away, baby. Unless you want your asshole... felched with a crazy straw... you're shit out of luck. Do you get it? Shit. So, how about you, pudding? No, I'm just along for the ride. What? Why? Bro, I don't pay for it. What are you talking about, dude? That's the best part. You can do whatever you want... to these girls, man. You can bend them over... fuck them in- Mauzner! What? Just pick, OK? All right. Bye-bye, guy. How was it? Yeah? Yeah, come to Daddy. There you go. Those pipes working? Man, I'm hungry, let's get something to eat. So it was cool, you know? I told her about my troubles and she was like... 'Sexual confusion's a tricky thing.' Sexual confusion? I mean, easy on the sexual confusion trip, baby. Make me sound like that guy in a raincoat... with a fistful of Vaseline, you know? Sexual confusion. You don't think I have sexual confusion, do you? So soft. Hey! I don't with Lucy, but... remember that night with Becky Meadows? I was drunk, but I boned her. I think. Bro, I boned Becky Meadows. Whatever. After the initial pre-game jitters... it was a sensation, you know? Please, you've been rattling on... about the Deep Purple concerts... for the last 3 hours. Oh, come on... I bought you a cheeseburger. I mean, you're homeless. Your entire life's in the trunk of my car. You know what? I don't think this is such a good idea. Sick fuck! Fucking bitch! Nobody touches me! Nobody fucking touches me! Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you? Huh? Are you fucking kidding me? She's just a fucking bitch. Get in your fucking car. Get in your fucking car! It's all right, it's OK. Deep eaths. Fucking cunt! Hey, hey, hey. Hey, what. You going to beat me up, too? I hate that word. Fuck. You OK? Yeah. Jesus, don't tell me... there was a time in days past... when you could hitch a ride... and the driver didn't think... he could put it your fucking pail. Don't tell me there was a time like that. Yeah, sure. My mom used to hitch all the time. She hates it in the pail. Shit. Let's bail, Jack. Yeah, let's. Jack. Come on, man. Hey, we're, uh... we're heading north. If you'd, uh... if you want to... OK. Thank you. Then there were three. What's your name? Cassie. As in Cassandra? Yeah, as in Cassandra. What's your name? Pilot. This is Jack. Yeah? Why Pilot? I don't like to talk about it. His mother picked up... an airline pilot one night- But Jack loves to. At a bar near DFW. That's Dallas-Fort Worth. They fucked, the pilot left... she got pregnant... only she never caught the pilot's name. Mom's a peach. She named you Pilot. Exactly, Cassandra. Wow. Zowie. What? You did a good thing. Huh? Most people when told the story... will inevitably say... 'Good thing he wasn't a fisherman.' 'Good thing... he wasn't a proctologist.' 'Good thing he wasn't an exterminator.' OK, I see, because if the guy... had been like a proctologist... then Pilot's name might be like, um... Sphincter. Exactly. Or Anus. Or Hemorrhoid. Or Dingleberry. All right, all right. Can we stop? Ah, fuck! Did you ease off the steroids snack time? Where are they, Scawldy? You guys still working for Liberace? He's dead, OK? Scawldy, don't be a fucking douche bag, man. Just tell us where the little pricks are. I don't know who you're talking about. Detroit. What? Where? I didn't hear you. The fuckers are in Detroit. They went to Detroit. Do you think I'd give a shit? Beat the fuck out of them. Just get out of my... Steven, check it out. Where you guys headed? Uh, we're thinking Seattle. Thinking Seattle. I love when this happens. Detroit, huh? Yeah, it's Pilot. Yeah, I met you guys at graduation. Look, Mr. Carnes, I'm going to be in the Seattle area... and I was just wondering if you had a number for Amy. You don't. Yeah, work address is fine. I mean, the guy was the original party poet. How did he get kicked out of West Point... and write this shit? 'Gaily bedight, a gallant knight... 'in sunshine and in shadow. 'Fell as he found, no spot of ground... that looked like...' Hold onto your spore, Manler. Fuck off, Goodwin. There were two enormous cockroaches... fucking in the parking lot. Oh, you always take me... to the nicest joints, Jack. Hello, hello. Look at this trio. The wise men. Oh, my bad. The two wise men and one very lovely gown. Here's 5 good ones. What do you say, Kemo Sabe? There's 5 good ones. And you are everything. You're, oh... I'm Jonathan Goodwin. The kids call me Johnny the Fox. Hey, Johnny the Fox. What was all that about? Oh, that. That was just about the world being... a fucking blender... and me being a wild strawberry. Speaking of which... you all look a little torqued... and I am the discoverer of picker-uppers. Could I interest you... in something from the bam family? A little crystal and such... whatever your flavor is. We're actually looking to move some ourselves. You got dance drugs? Yeah. Adjectivify. Some recently synthesized MDMA... which has not yet been tasted. I know a place. Yeah! Come on, baby! Whoo! Check it out, baby! This is where we taste it, right? Pilot, do me a favor. Let me do the talking. These kids are fucking terrified of me. Check it out! Whoo! Johnny the Fox. What's up? Ready to surf some warm waves, man? How's that? Because I am Choo Choo Charlie. And I got an 'E' train pulling out of the station. Get on board! You giving samples? That kind of greed makes me think... that you're already stoned, Juicy boy. Come on, bitch. Let's test the merch. Bitch? We're out of here, Pilot, good-bye. Not so fast, trick. What? Hey, muffin, what's your story? Who the fuck are you? You're a friend of the Fox, huh? Well, that ain't good. I heard he went down, and he's going deep cover. Look, Juicy, don't even play. Is that true? You 5-0, muffin? 'Cause if it's not... you'd look real good... curled on the floor... around my feet... purring. Yo, Harris, what the fuck is this? What? You want me to switch it into hype? You know my bio. You know about my two tours in the Nam. Haung Nguyen, Mekong Delta, with a web-footed ape. You know how easy it is for me to go back to that place. You were like 6 when that shit was going down. Pilot, come on. Fucking get him, get him. What's that thing on your finger? My wedding ring. You married? It got annulled. What's that mean? You got divorced? Yeah. I got divorced. Jack! Jack! Let's get the fuck out of here, Jack. What's up? Come on, let's bail. Pilot, I'm really sorry about what happened back there. Man, I thought those guys were down. No, it's fine, man. I'm sorry. That's all, just sorry. What? You jealous? No. It's just... you know, he's never let me drive before. Well, here's the news flash. You realize if we boost the dose... to another 2 1/2 grams each of these 'shrooms... we can get completely mashed and- Where you going, anyways? I got to meet up with a friend, make a delivery... and then I'm off to the emerald city- Seattle. Yeah? Um-hmm. What about you? You know, I know somebody in Seattle. Of course you do. Amy Carnes. Oh, yeah. Best girl, ever- in caps. Best girl ever. Oh, I'm feeling that. 'Billy johnson, he's our man. If he can't do it, nobody can.' Totally. Squad captain. Yeah. Wholesome dreams and... tight little ass and... I mean, could I please have a salad with no dressing? I know. Night of graduation, man. We had a thing. The rage-all-night party. I never even thought she knew I existed. She cornered me in the bathroom... macked me. We slow danced to... 'Sweet Child of Mine,' over and over, for hours. She said she always thought I was cool. Always thought I was better... than the forgettables I hung out with. 'Forgettables?' Her word. She knew, man. She fucking knew. You realize that people are forgotten by people... who remember every single day. I love her. Love, love, sweet love. Did you fuck her? No. Well, I mean, you know, I thought... I would, you know... like that summer, maybe. Bird in a hand, baby doll. She left soon after. To go... To Seattle. What's with those guys? We keep seeing them. No doubt headed to the land of Amy Carnes. Why? Kurt Cobain, son. What about him? Oh, he killed himself. When? Yesterday. He shot himself. For real? For real. Shit. You cool? Yeah, I'm cool. Tony Gomez is going to meet up with me... and take me the rest of the way. Tell these guys I said hey, will you? All right, see you around then. Peace and chicken grease. Hey, you know where Canyondale is? Anna? -What? -Come here. OK. Fetch my glasses. I took the kids there last year... to see The Boy. It freaked them. You a pool boy? I used to be. What? You know, you guys... aren't really doing it right. What do you mean? You want to do the whole cross-country... on the road thing. You should be doing it in a convertible. What are you doing? Chill, relax. I'm making a fucking convertible. Yeah, but now we're completely conspicuous. Ohh. -Oh! -Right. Conspicuous to what? Umm... to the, uh... to the, uh... you know. You boys passing through? Yeah, we're heading for Seattle. Best you check out The Boy. Excuse me? The Boy. Best you check out The Boy. Hey, where is The Boy? Canyondale, right? That's right. I saw a poster for this shit inside. Oh, you'll get a kick out of it. Promise you that. You'll get a kick out of it. Well? Alligator... What? Alligator Boy. That's the boy's name. His full name is Alligator Boy. He's about 20 miles from here. Hmm. What do you mean, Alligator Boy? I don't know. It's just what the dude told me. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. Let's find out. Jack, Jack, we don't have time. What is the rush? What is the rush? Is there a rush? Don't ask me- It's not like we're meeting somebody up there, are we? Whatever, dude. Can we just have 15 seconds of fun... in our miserable lives? Ugh! Famous fucking last words. Thank you, ma'am. You're welcome, sir. It'll be $10 each. Come on. Desmond? Desmond? Desmond? Tip? Sometimes he's shy. I think a little girl screamed. Desmond gets upset when they scream. Desmond? There he is. What's wrong with him? He's shy. No, I don't think that's what she means. I think she means, what's wrong with him? Yeah, that's what I mean. He's just bashful. Unbelievable. Unbelievable! Hey, he suffers from, uh... ichthyosis, which is a, uh... a thickening of the epidermis... and is not dangerous or contagious. He's also slightly ain damaged... and incapable of speech. He's 26. I'm 26. It's insane. Twenty-six! What's he thinking? He probably wishes you'd stop staring at him. Insane! This whole- this is insane! Look at him, Jack. He's like-he's the coolest thing I've ever seen! He's an alligator, dude! He's an alligator boy! That'd be a cry laden with pain and sorrow. In around 600 B.C... there was a slave. A slave of wealthy Greek noblemen. He was horribly deformed. And all day long... this monstrous-looking man... would spin wondrous tales of heroic animals. Great tales, but they tended to show... the weaknesses of men. So, the storyteller was killed by a crazed mob... who were insulted... that his stories showed animals as ave and smart... and people as weak and stupid. Really? Wow. Amazing. Oh, wait. The punch line is: the storyteller's name was Aesop. Really? -Wow. -Amazing. As in 'Aesop's Fables'? Yes. Really? Wow! Amazing! I didn't know that. I didn't know that Aesop was a freak. So, um... where's Mr. Murray? Long gone. He couldn't accept Des. He left not long after Des was born. But then, Des and I... went trooping with a well known 10-in-one. Des was the main attraction. He made more money for the carnival... than the concession stands. We're just trying to get enough money together... to move to South Carolina. Why South Carolina? Oh, it's a wonderful place, Parisville, South Carolina. It's a small town, but for some reason... it's become the winter quarters... of all the southern carnies. It's a virtual city of special people. Tranquil and sunny. Des would be happy there. I know my Des doesn't have a lot of time left. Well, about how much money you need? Oh, a lot of money. How about-how much? Oh, about $5,000 would do us right. With what we'd get for the house. Well, we'll be back tomorrow. Before we leave, we'll come say good-bye. We'd like that. We'd like that fine. He was amazing, wasn't he? Wasn't he amazing, Jack? Amazing. Desmond the Alligator Boy is a major happener. Isn't he? Whatever you say, Pilot. Would you want to be him? What are you doing? What? What are you doing, you fuck? What is with all these stupid questions? What? Why wouldn't you wanna be him? Why? Because he's green... because his skin is disgusting... because he's ain damaged... because his head is misshapen. You want me to go on? No. You think he's happy? Pilot! What? One question. Just answer me that. Do you think he's happy? I don't know, Pilot. But maybe we can ask the old lady... when we go and say good-bye. What? You don't want to say good-bye? I didn't say that. Yes you did, dude! I heard you. Cassandra, did you hear? I did. 'When we go and say good-bye,' like it was the stupidest fucking thing you ever heard. And it was my idea. I did not say that. But it was the stupidest fucking thing... I ever heard, by the way. Why? Are you guys, by any chance, in love? Why? Bro, why do we have to go and say good-bye tomorrow? I mean, couldn't we just have... said good-bye today? I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll meet you all at the bar. We gotta stop for the night anyhow. I mean, we've been traveling for two days. And plus, you know, I got some things I gotta figure out. What things? I might lay some cash on her. Why? Come on, man. The whole scenario is pretty pathetic. Granted, but who the fuck are you... Donald Trump? You didn't even want to go see... the Alligator Boy in the first place, Pilot. Yeah, but I'm glad that you made us go. Although, I don't think your girlfriend dug it. Bro, easy, easy. What? -Bro, easy. -What? Easy with that. My girlfriend. She is witchy though, isn't she? If you say so. Come on, give it- hey, o, give it up. Just get the bags! You may-maybe you shouldn't do that. Yikes! Just up the hill is a house... overlooking Lake Washington... where he pulled a chair up to a window... pressed the barrel of a 20-gauge shotgun to his head... and pulled the trigger. Imagine, though. I mean, not to be a total buzz kill, but... imagine how many dicks have been inside her. What? That pervert at the Dan D. Fine... said the girl who stole those shoes... worked there for 1 1 months. 1 1 months, Jack. That's like-it's like 4 dicks a day. And, you know, I'm being conservative. All right, and they must've worked, like, 6-day weeks. 6 times 4 is 24, 1 1 months is 44 weeks, so, 44 times 24... is 1,056. 1,056 dicks! 1,056 dicks, Jack! Pop quiz. No. Come on, it's a quick one. No. -Come on. -No. Go. What is 1,056 dicks? A lot of dicks. Beep! Perfect score. Gold star. We haven't even begun calculating blow jobs. Obviously, the kid doesn't like being stared at and made fun of, so maybe she should stop charging people to look at him. Maybe then he could have a peaceful life. What? Nothing. Oh, god! Two...three...four... Oh, shit! When worlds collide. I worship the concept. -Hey! -What's up, Jack? What are you doing here? Tony Gomez was a no-show! I'm now officially hitchhiking to Seattle. Dude, what are you going up there for anyways? A friend of mine died. A fucked up freak named Jimmy DeAngelo. And he left me his business. Got insane in the ain one night... and suicide-pacted with this other kid. Way too much Jack Daniels, mescaline, and Ozzy Osbourne. Backward masking, suicide is good. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. Boom ! Shotgun to the face in the playground. The other kid died... but Jim hung on. Oh, they had to do some major surgery... on account that most of his face was gone. They actually grafted some of his ass up to his face. But Jim had a really hairy ass... so he has had to shave his forehead. It was a bad scene. And he drooled like a motherfucker. And that's what eventually did him in. Cause, check it out, Jim didn't mind being ugly... and having the hairy forehead and no teeth. But goddamn it, he couldn't take the drooling. So one night he gobbled too many sleeping pills... and he did the job right. Anyway! How come they call you Pilot, anyways? My mother fucked an airline pilot... only she never knew his name. So she called me Pilot. Good thing he a wasn't bulimic. Otherwise, your name would be Puke. A field! We need a field! A field in which to frolic! How's your head? Good. Good. What? OK. We found the shoes. You went through my shit? No. The bag, it was open... a little bit. So what's your point, exactly? We were there, at the Dan D. Fine. We heard about the shoes. A girlfriend and I went to Los Angeles... to become actresses. Yeah, it didn't work out. I don't think I had any talent. So, after a few years, I said, 'Fuck it,' and was heading back home. But I stopped in Vegas... where a pit boss comped me a meal and a room... and asked if I'd... escort some friend of his, some Texas high roller... you know, and sit at the tables with him... let him rub my thigh for good luck. So, uh... I did it. The next morning, I woke up alone... with an envelope on the nightstand... filled with hundreds. Within a couple of weeks, I was at the Dan D. Fine. But what about the shoes? I don't know. Just some symbolic gesture that, at the time, seemed epic, but now only seems stupid. So, what are you going to do next? I don't know. What do you think I should do? Got any ideas? Anything but home. All right. The 'so what' factor is... huge. The unlove... at the end of the day... shit, you can see the merit in actually fellating the pistol, because no matter what... no matter how much money you make... no matter how many gowns you bone... no matter how many times you groove... like nobody ever grooved before... in a hundred years or so... you're dust. Crumbling soot in a pine box... that our loved ones went all out for... so that you could be... crumbling soot in a pine box... in a J.C. Penney suit no less. And why? Because we never wore them in life... so they just figure, 'what the fuck?' and they stick us in the cheapo one. Better than the concert t-shirts and the ripped-up jeans... you wore in life... and what the fuck would he know about Giorgio Armani, anyway? Johnny the Fox! You're one daffy in-vi-di-dual. In-vi-di-dual? Yes, sir. J.C. Penney! Even a freak don't deserve to go down in some J.C. Penney! Even a goddamn freak! Slower. Slower. Like this? Hey, you want to give me a ride back to the Murrays'? I don't think I can drive. So, clearly, you hit that last night. Yeah. What was it like? It was, uh, it was good. You tell her you knew? Yeah, she was cool. You came, didn't you? Mrs. Murray, what's going on? Police won't come. Had trouble before. They say you want to charge folks money to see your oddity, then you got to expect trouble. What kind of trouble? So they won't make the trip anymore. You just got to wait for the trouble to go away. Dude, drink it. Alligator Boy! What's going on, guys? Hey, meet Desmond, the Alligator Boy. Desmond's learning to party. Beer? No, thanks. Maybe you guys should leave him alone. How's that? I said maybe you should leave him alone. Who are you, his mama? No, no, it can't be his mama. His mama's in the house... crying into her Bible. Maybe this is the boyfriend. You the boyfriend? You like alligator dick? You like to suck it? Yo, Shanks, who is this strong, silent type, huh? Is this Clint Eastwood? No, man, I think that's Steve McQueen! I think you're both wrong. This is Jack Hayes, the God of Fuck. The God of Fuck? Is that what they call you? The God of Fuck? Tell me something. Do you like to get fucked? Sorry about that, Clint. Hey, Shanks, check this out! Hey, you OK? I'm all right. Hey, Shanks... welcome to the human race, motherfucker! Come here... I'm all right. Leave you guys alone for a couple hours... and the action just pours like silver, doesn't it? Whoa. I can't tell you what a pleasure it was... to meet you guys. You take care. Pilot! All right, Des? Pilot, let's go! Those football turds were just like Miranda's Pandas. The same type of dudes. It was fucked. I don't know, when you think about it... it's like the world's divided into two groups: Pandas and Alligator Boys. How much did you give her? Not much. Come on, Pilot, how much? Just a bit- I'm not a rich guy. Just a bit. 'A bit?' And what is a bit? Don't be so nosy, Jack. Don't be such a fucking pussy, Pilot. Just tell me how much. Just a bit, all right? The kid's dying. I gave them a bit. No fucking way! -Pop quiz. -Go! Number of possible highways and byways... in this fair nation that we could be on. A gazillion! Number of possible highways and byways... in this fair nation... that Miranda's Pandas could be on? A zillion! Possible conclusion that could be drawn... from them being on... this very same highway, byway as us? Start getting used to loose slippers. Perfect score. Gold star. Anyone care to fill me in? Now we're on the run. I thought you were going to Seattle for the scene. Yeah, we thought we'd combine checking out the scene... with a little flight to safety, right, Pi? Right. Hey, where we going now? You want to check the maps? This doesn't change anything. We check out the place, and then we split. So, you still want to go to Seattle. Yeah, dude, it'll be all right. I mean, it's a huge place. Bro, if it's so fucking huge... then how the fuck are you going to find Amy Carnes? How do you know about that? How do you know about that, dude? Fucking dick. What? Did Fox tell you? Dude, I heard you telling him. What are you talking about? This whole thing... this whole stupid thing was that so Pilot could... chase after some fantasy girl. Dude, we macked! Oh, God... these guys are cool! They're going to Seattle! And they're tripping to the tits! What exactly are you on the run from? Why don't you tell her, Jack? Tell her, Jack! I will. I fucked a guy's wife... and now he wants to eak my feet. And Pilot doesn't seem to give a shit! Why you getting so bent? We had to leave, what's it matter where? -You're joking, right? -No! -No! -You're joking! That's sort of pathetic, Pilot! What is? As if it's any of your business. He's your best friend, and he's in trouble... and you drag him up here on a lie. I don't know, that's sort of pathetic... in my book. In your book? Yep. What's the title of that book? Is it called, 'Give me 100 bucks... and I'll suck your dick?' Because I think I read that one... and it was, it was, ooh, lurid! Are you kidding me, Pilot? Look at yourself! You're a drug dealer! Settle down with that, Yoko. No, you settle down, Johnny. You are no better than them. In fact, you're worse. You're old. Time out. What happened to the hooker with the heart of gold? Didn't you read that chapter? You know, maybe I am a drug dealer, but I'll tell you this much, when I tell my grandkiddies stories... about my misspent youth... I won't have to include the fact... that I spread them wide for any jake... with a fistful of fifties! That I saw more strange dick... than a draft board doctor. Jack. That I could be sold, rolled, and cornholed... for a negotiable price. Congratulations. You just became the Sir Edmund Hillary... of assholes. You climbed the highest mountain, Pilot. There's five good ones. Whatever, right? Yeah. Whatever. Hey, are you coming or not, man? Come on, Johnny. What about Mom and Dad? Get in. But today, it is heightened by a sense of loss. Pilot, this is Gold... a beautiful boy who don't say... Hey, Pilot! Pilot! Come on. You know, Skynyrd, now that was a tragedy. Duane Allman, tragedy... this is a fucking blip, you know? Can I help you, o? I'm looking for Amy Carnes. She's at the vigil with the rest of them. No, dude, what was that guy's name in AC/DC? Hey! Nice arachnid, man. No, no, the first guy. No, that was the guy that took his place. Do you believe that guy? Do you believe that guy? Do you believe that fucking guy? He still wants to go up there after everything. Still wants to go up there. He didn't give a shit about me. This whole stupid trip was so he could go... and find Amy Fucking Carnes. What an asshole! Amy. Yeah. Hey, yo, it's me. It's Pilot. That's your name? Yeah, from McKinley High. I went to McKinley. When did you graduate? Oh, you...it's probably because of this- you don't recognize me because of the spider. You, uh... you know, rage all night. 'Sweet Child of Mine.' Isn't it so sad about Kurt? Hold my hand. You guys, this is Pirate. No, it's Pilot. Shh...let's listen. It's Pilot. Pilot! Pilot! Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack! Pilot! Jack! Jack! No! Fuck! Fuck! Jack, Jack, Jack. Give it up, baby. Cassie! You're embarrassing yourself, baby. Do you know what that means? The game is over! Fuck you up two times! Come on! That's what it's about! Let's go! Come on! Get down here! Watch this! Watch this! Watch it! I'm sorry. Watch it! Jack! Jack! Jack! Next time keep it in your pants, Hayes... or we'll eak that, too. We'll call 91 1 from the car. Hope you have insurance, Jack. Adios, motherfucker. Hey. Hey. How are you doing? I've been better. How about you? OK. Oh, that was kind of unreal, wasn't it? Totally fucking gothic. A grade-B horror flick. Only thing fucking missing is fucking Christopher Lee... Peter Cushing, and John Fucking Carradine. What's wrong with him? I think he's having re-entry problems. Hey, kiddies. Ooh, Jack Hayes, you're awake. How you feeling, other? Hey, man, I'm all right. Jack... Forget it. Hey... did you find her? Pilot. I'm sorry, man. Hey, man. It's OK. Hey... Who the hell needs feet anyway? I got to get out of here. What? Yeah, I got to get back. I got a girl in Vegas. You feeling ready for her? Kind of miss her. Can I take the Monte? Keep it. Maybe you shouldn't drive. Oh, please. You guys are gonna hang? Yeah. I think we're gonna hang for a while. I like it. Hit the road, flee for your life. Meet a doll who's got 'once in a lifetime' and 'girl of my dreams' and 'reason to believe' written all over her like so much graffiti. Only happen to the God of Fuck. That's me. Pop quiz. Go. How much I owe you for helping me out? A gazillion. Who's the major old school happener? Pilot. How much longer are we a team? Forever. Beep. Perfect score. Gold star. Late. Late.

Chris, what is it? I love you so much. Don't you love me any more? I've made progress, and I recognise that. But my wife, who I can't even convince to come here... Anything can set her off. It could be the phone ringing, something on the news, something online, going shopping maybe. A commemorative T-shirt in the window. It just puts her right back in that place, and it's like all my progress - ripped away. And I'm right back there with her. I feel totally the opposite. I see the TV and I see the Internet and I see those T-shirts and I feel nothing. The more I see the images, the less I feel, the less I believe that it's real. I mean, I think I'm supposed to feel something by now. Don't you think so? Linda, this is Chris Kelvin. I'm returning your call. I have two times available this week; 7am on Tuesday or 6.15pm on Thursday. You can leave a message if either of those times are good for you. Thank you. Well, I know that's not true. Because I know you, and I know it's not true. Good. I'm glad. All right. Let's pick this up on Wednesday. Can I help you? We're looking for Dr Chris Kelvin. Chris... I can't imagine what you must be thinking, getting a message like this. I apologise if it seems melodramatic, but you are the only person I can... I can trust... in the situation. I need your help. I need you to come to Solaris, Chris. I don't know how to describe what we are experiencing up here. We can't even agree amongst ourselves what is... what is happening, or... what to do about it. I suppose the... the most obvious solution would be to leave. But none of us want to. That's why you're getting this... this bizarre request. I... I told the crew that your background and experiences made you the... the ideal candidate for this job. Don't worry. I didn't elaborate. But it's true. So, anyway... I, uh... I hope you will come to Solaris, Chris. L- I think you need to. You will see what I mean. I wish I could be more specific about all of this, but... you know. People are listening. You can imagine the distress Dr Gibarian's message caused at DBA. Why not send in the security force? We did. We lost contact as they were approaching Solaris. They haven't returned. There must be some sort of on-board Al system. They shut it down. The company was hoping to solve this problem without involving a civilian. Obviously these are extreme circumstances. Some preparation is involved but you shouldn't have any trouble. The flight itself is fully automated. You'll be asleep most of the trip. We feel confident that if you board the ship, you can negotiate their safe return. Is that what everybody wants? Of course. Find the probability of F. OK, stop. Go back. Snow. Kelvin, is it? Yeah. Kelvin. Right. Oh, man. Sorry about that, Kelvin. Names, you know, just... For some reason. It, uh... Yeah. Uh... Well, uh, you wanna come in? I'm fine. Whose blood is that, leading to the lab? Yeah. Blood. How 'bout that? Katarn. He, um... Yeah. Security forces showed up and he just took off, and they... Yeah. Put a hole in his pot. What happened to Gibarian? Yeah. It was a suicide. Who found him? I found him. What happened to Rhys? Yeah, now, Rhys w... Huh. We don't know, because the thing is, he kind of... disappeared. - Disappeared? - Disappeared. - How did he disappear? - Exactly. Don't know. We do know that he's not on the ship, uh, and that's... that's all we know. Where's Dr Gordon? Dr Gordon. She is in her room, and, um... Dr Gordon won't let you in her room. Can you tell me what's happening here? I could tell you what's happening, but, uh... I don't know if that'd really tell you what's happening. I just wanna talk to you. You have to give me your word you won't try to come in. All right. Well? - What happened to Gibarian? - Didn't you talk to Snow? - I wanted to hear your version. - There isn't any version. He killed himself. Why haven't you come home? What happened here? What did you find? - Who are you representing? - I'm the last effort to recover this mission, before they abandon this ship and everyone on board. Until it starts happening to you, there's really no point in discussing it. Hey. Hey! - Who else is here? - Who else is here? I saw a boy. Gibarian's son. - Michael. - How is that possible? I think that's why you're here. I want a formal interview with you and Gordon. I'll need your help with her. Yeah. All right. Um... How much sleep do you need, Kelvin? - How much sleep? - Yeah. - How long can you go without sleep? - Depends. Well, when you do go to sleep, I find I sleep much better with the door locked. I was with the project when it was still with NASA, before it was sold to DBA. I was trained in physics. I was sent here to assess the economic potential of Solaris. Whether or not it was a viable commercial property or possible energy source. I was still compiling data when this shit started happening. Did you run any tests on the food, air, water? I checked it 50 times. There are no signs of contaminants or psychotropic compounds. How about you? How are you doing? Depression. Along with bouts of hypomania and primary insomnia. Suggestions of agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, shock, fatigue, denial... - Not unusual, given the circumstances. - I know. All right. Now, what can you tell me about what's happening here? Just that I want it to stop, but I want to stop it. If I can stop it that means I'm smarter than it is. You know you can go home, walk away from all of this. I can guarantee it. Yeah. The thing is... Man, I would kill to go back there. I'd... kill. But Gordon? Gordon happens to be Gordon, you know? So, um... But I'll see what I can do. We take off into the cosmos. Ready for anything - solitude, hardship, exhaustion... death. We're proud of ourselves. But when you think about it, our enthusiasm's a sham. We don't want other worlds. We want mirrors. So, anyway... How's the spawn? Oh, good, good. He cries and shits in his pants every two hours. I know the feeling. When are you leaving? - We've been postponed again. - I didn't hear that. Nobody knows yet. The governments are looking for a buyer. I wish we could tell people what's happening. You can tell me. I'm a doctor. Well, Doctor, as we study Solaris, the most interesting thing is it, um... Well, it seems to be reacting. Almost like it knows it's being observed. We can't explain it. Are you listening to me? Chris? - So anyway... - So anyway. Sorry. Go to her. Her name is Rheya. She's a bit tricky but, um, I guess she's worthwhile. Maybe she needs a shrink. Don't we all? Don't blow it. You start. I did. Really? All right, I'm gonna resist the impulse to ask you about the door knob. - Do you always resist your impulses? - Not always. Try poetry. And death shall have no dominion. Mm. Thomas. It's not a very happy poem, though. Well, you didn't seem very happy when I saw you on the train. I wasn't. And tonight? It's early. Goddammit! I'm awake. Yes. How are you here? How are you here? How do you mean? Where do you think you are? Where do you think you are right now? At home. Where is home? With you, where we live. And do you remember being anywhere else with me? Being together anywhere else? - Our apartment. - Describe it. It's dark. It's very very dark. And there are no paintings on the wall. No pictures anywhere. No pictures on the fridge, even, which I always thought was a bit strange. Do you remember where we first saw each other? On a train. Chris... I'm so happy to see you. I love you so much. Don't you love me any more? I have to check out something with the crew. No! No! - Don't leave me! Don't leave me! - Why? Why? - Why? - I don't know. I don't know. It's OK. It's OK. Why are you sitting over there? Can I come and sit with you? Hey. What was that? Yeah. How 'bout that? Still workin' on that. Where's your visitor? I don't know. Stopped appearing. - Who's your visitor? - My other. Who was it? My wife. Dead? So what was her name? Will she come back? Do you want her to? - No, it isn't. - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. It's crap. - Only one way to find out. You can submit it to someone and see if they publish it. That's not an indication of anything. So no one else's opinion counts except for yours? - Yeah. - That's insane. - That's insane. - I like it. Brings out the red in my eyes. So, did you show it to your father? - Yeah. - And? - And he liked it. - What'd he say? - He said he liked it. - Well... He's a man who doesn't pass out compliments very easily. That's something. - What's that tell you? - Can we talk about something else? Please? All right. When do you wanna get hitched? Every time I ing it up you make a joke about it, and... I know, I know. That's pathet... I'm sorry. It's just... It-it's so difficult for me. Still? Is it something that I'm not doing? No. No, no, no. That's not the issue at all. Because, you know, if you keep putting this off, then in 15 or 20 years I'm just gonna stop asking. - Well, I've got ages, then. - Mm. So apart from the poem that you quoted to me the night that we met... The night that you were hitting on me. Oh, I don't think so. What's your favourite poem? My favourite Dylan Thomas poem? Well, there's the, uh... Listen to this. We have, uh... There's the... Well, there's the one he's most famous for, which starts, um... - There was a young man from Nantucket... - I knew it. I just... I'm not marrying you. You... Oh, you're marrying me. Would we have to invite anyone else? There should be witnesses. Otherwise nobody'd believe us. When I was little I had this imaginary friend called Mikashelli, who used to live under the wallpaper in the corner of the room. I used to go and visit. I had a very intense relationship. I was an only child. As you know. And, um... that was like my sibling. That was the person I used to have battles with and fights with and everything. What happened progressively over the next few years is that my mother stopped communicating with me. She only communicated with me as Mikashelli, and wrote me these letters, and we didn't have conversations any more. - I mean, admittedly, she was certifiable. - Mm-hm. But, um, yeah, that was a strange way to grow up. You know, you're with the right man. I so know that. That's what's great. Cos, man... Rheya... It's me. It's me. I don't remember that. When did you get that? I got it just before I came here. - Was I with you? - No. I don't actually remember anything. I only remember you. Have I been ill? Sort of. And we've been apart? - Yes. - For how long? A few years. - Were you alone? - Yes. Was that difficult? It was easier than being with someone else. Did you think about me? Yes. What is that, out there? Solaris. Oh, my God, yes. I can't remember how I got here. Did I come here with you? - I don't know how you got here. - What do you mean? I woke up and you were here. So I wasn't here yesterday? No. Right. Getting dressed? People will notice tonight. If you're not there, Rheya, people will notice. I can put up with all of it, you know? The mood swings, the... restlessness, changing jobs every three months, all of it. What I can't put up with is you hiding from me. Why do you do that? Do you wanna be here? Cos I need help. I can't do this... I can't continue to do this on my own. The idea of God was dreamed up by man. A silly animal with a small ain. Even the limits that we put on it are human limits. - It designs, it creates... - No, I'm talking about a higher intelligence. No, hold it. You're talking about something else - a man in a white beard. Ascribing human characteristics to something that isn't human. Aren't we all? Rheya, given all the elements of the known universe and enough time, our existence is inevitable. It's no more mysterious than trees or sharks. We're a mathematical probability, and that's all. How do you explain that of all the creatures on this planet, only we are conscious of our own mortality? You can't explain that. That doesn't mean there's a God. Maybe religion has been ed into us. The pope is a wonderful woman... - Excuse me. - A nihilistic shrink. Is there a school? Not yet. You see? He's funny, at least. Where you been? Away from those fucking people. They're my friends. Yeah. Chris, I've got to talk to you. What's wrong? I don't understand what's happening. And if I do understand what's happening then I don't think I can handle it. What do you mean? I mean... I mean... I'm not the person I remember. Or at least I'm not sure I am. I mean, l-I do remember things, but I don't remember being there. I don't remember experiencing those things. My... I... I mean, I'm really really... really really trying to understand. And-and these, uh... These... these strange thoughts keep coming into my head, and I... I don't know where they're coming from, and I'm scared. Um... And l-I don't know what's happening. L-I don't know what's happening. - What do you think's happening? - You need rest. - No... - Take that. You don't understand. Because I don't think that I can live with this. I don't understand what is happening now. I mean, this-this-this... I remember this. I have a memory of it. But... But I don't. I don't remember seeing it. I don't... I don't remember being there. I... Rheya, it's fatigue. It's fatigue. It's ought on by stress. It's fatigue. That's why you take this. Right. Yeah. No, it is. You'll be fine. I'll talk to Gordon and Snow. We'll go back to Earth. - Mm-hm. - And you're gonna be fine. Mm-hm. Mm. - I'm coming right back. - Right. - Are you gonna be all right here? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This door locks from the inside. - Yeah. - You'll be perfectly safe in here. Yeah. You sure you're gonna be all right? You-you keep asking me that, actually. Yes. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine. Stay here. I was so worried, man. About this guy. But then you show up, and I'm even more-more worried about you. Particularly after the first... when you sent the first one away. Yeah, you were pretty... Pretty, uh... You deserved to be as freaked out as you were. She can never know anything about that. Ever. You understand? No, no, no, no, no. I wonder if they can get pregnant. Where are you going? - I can't be here. - What? You should have told me. - It wouldn't have made any difference. - Really? Chris, I had to! Obviously I had to. You know that about me. I had no idea you'd react like this. Listen! Listen to me. What's changed? I didn't even know you wanted one. Yeah, why would I want one? Why would I want a child, or anything that would ing life into this house?! - No, no, Chris. No. No. - Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! Stop it! No, Chris, you don't understand. You have to understand. I had no idea you felt like that. I won't make it without you. - Then you won't make it. - Chris, no, please! - Let go of me! - No... No! Oh, my God. Oh, no. You wanna change Gordon's mind. What if Gordon and your wife, right, your very nice wife... She's nice, right? Of course she's nice. Your wife is nice. They get together, right? Cos I'm thinkin'... women, right? Right now we got woman and woman, right? If we get women, you know, together on the same team and all that shit, what happens? You know what happens. All kinds of shit you can't explain happens. Like the... But good shit, you know? Mysterious, but good. Usually very good. Things get solved, you know? That's my plan, you know? What do you... think? I'll have to think about that. And death shall have no dominion. Dead men naked, they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon. When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone, They shall have stars at elbow and foot. Though they go mad they shall be sane. Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again. Though lovers be lost love shall not. And death shall have no dominion. You found me. I came back for you. I came back that day. I'm sorry. All right. Enough hypothesising. The visitors. Are they or are they not made of subatomic particles? Subatomic particles... I'm not sure. What do you think? I think... probably. Stabilised by what? Guess. I don't know. Maybe... a Higgs field. So... if we created a negative Higgs field and bombarded them with Higgs antibosons they might disintegrate? Maybe. You know, it would take a lot of power. Shut down all the noncritical ship functions. This is just a theory, you know? We could be wrong. - Let's find out. - We'll take the findings back to Earth. What if they follow us back? What if what's happening here happened on Earth on a mass scale? Don't you see that as a problem? I think it's a serious mistake to assume it's benign. It's driving us crazy so it can watch us kill each other. Is that really why you think they're here? Given its resources it could have done anything, including destroy us. Meet me in the lab in an hour. - I won't let you. - How you gonna stop us? - How you gonna stop me taking her back? - Shall we pick up the other one on the way? Shouldn't be too hard. We could chart its course. Only take a day or so. Chris, what's she talking about? - Nothing. - Her oxygen might have run out. Maybe they don't need any. Chris, what are they talking about? You didn't tell her? Tell me what? Tell me what? - You came before. - He got rid of you. You what? I sent you away. Into space. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No. Rheya... Don't touch me. Rheya, I didn't understand. Rheya. Rheya. Hey. - Don't. - No. No. No. Don't. What were you trying to accomplish with that, exactly? Kelvin... It is a mistake to become emotionally engaged with one of them. You're being manipulated. If she were ugly, you wouldn't want her around. That's why she's not ugly. She's a mirror that reflects part of your mind. You provide the formula. - She's alive. - She is not human. Try to understand that, if you can understand anything. What about your visitor? The one you're so ready to destroy without hesitation? Who is it? What is it? Does it feel? Can it touch? Does it speak? We are in a situation that is beyond morality. Hm? Your wife is dead. How do you know? How can you be definitive about a construct you do not understand? She's a copy. A facsimile. And she's seducing you all over again. You're sick. We are not taking her back with us. Leave the light off. You think you're dreaming me. You're not Gibarian. No? Who am I, then? - A puppet. - And you're not? Well, maybe you're my puppet. But like all puppets, you think you're actually human. That's the puppet's dream - being human. Why did you kill yourself? It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now I think I made a mistake. - What about your son? - That's not my son. My son is on Earth. And that's not your wife. They are part of Solaris. Remember that. What does Solaris want from us? Why do you think it has to want something? This is why you have to leave. If you keep thinking there is a solution... you'll die here. I can't leave her. I'll figure it out. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? There are no answers. Only choices. Rheya? Rheya? Rheya? Rheya? Gordon! - What happened? - She drank liquid oxygen. She's dead. No. I never get used to them. These... resurrections. Oh, no. No. Why'd you do that? Rheya? Don't call me that. There are two components. A high-energy proton accelerator and a matter phase modulator. By adjusting the tuning frequency I get an enhancement of Higgs antibosons at 90GHz and an almost pure beam at 160GHz. I used it on mine. What happens? They disappear, back where they came from. It's what she wants. I won't let her do it. She'll come to me when you're asleep. Then I won't sleep. Don't you see? I came from your memory of her. That's the problem. I'm not a whole person. In your memory you get to control everything. So even if you remember something wrong, I am predetermined to carry it out. I'm suicidal because that's how you remember me. My voice sounds the way it does because that's how you remember it. I don't believe that we're predetermined to relive our past. I think that we can choose to do it differently. The day I left and you said you wouldn't make it, I didn't hear you because I was angry. This is my chance to undo that mistake. And I need you to help me. But am I really Rheya? I don't know any more. All I see is you. All I see is you. It created me. And yet I can't communicate with it. It must hear me, though. It must know what's happening to me. And you and I, we would have to have some kind of... an arrangement, some kind of... unspoken understanding... that I'm not really a human being. No, Rheya. Chris... Chris, I wish you would just let them use the device on me. And then you can go back to Earth and you can tell everybody all about Solaris. No. It's the only solution that makes any sense. We could never have a life together on Earth, Chris. You know that. It would be impossible. And this? What kind of life is this? Trapped here. It's not a life. I don't know what to call it. It's what we have. It's enough for me. You need to rest. You're going to make yourself ill. - I don't care. - Just lie down for a moment. Please, Chris. You have to rest. You know I'm not human so I don't understand what you're afraid of. Of course you can use the device. It's not murder. You said that yourself. You're the one who had the idea in the first place. Chris doesn't trust me. He... Chris, don't blame Gordon. It's not her fault. I begged her to do it. It's better this way. I found the suicide note. I went through your things. The page torn from the book of poems. And I realised... I'm not her. I'm not Rheya. I know you loved me, though. I know that. I felt that. And I love you. I wish we could just live inside that feeling forever. Maybe there's a place where we can. But I know it's not on Earth. And it's not on this ship. That's all I can say right now. - You killed her! - Not her. It. - It's murder! - Kelvin, she begged me. It wasn't painful. - She'll be back! - No. - Why would you let her do it?! - Kelvin! It's not human! Whatever it is, it's not human, and I'm threatened by that. And I wanna win. I want humans to win. Whose side are you on? - What are you doing? - Putting the Al back online. I'm going home. Gordon. Gordon! - I knew it. - How long you think he's been dead? Hard to say because of the cold. He attacked me. There I am. Somehow, there I am. And I couldn't tell you how I'm there, or who I am or what's going on. But before I can get to that, what's this over here? Comin' at me. What... what are you tryin' to do? Oh, I see. You're tryin' to kill me. Yeah, confusing. I'll tell you somethin' confusing. Bingo, there you are, and my welcoming committee dropped his knife and it's good night. And, oh, by the way, after all that I find, uh... this, uh, whoever this... I get my first good look at it and it happens to be... I survive the first 30 seconds of this... life, whatever you wanna call it... by killing someone. And, oh, ah, by killing someone who happens to be me. See, most people... I would think most people in this position would be, like This... ah. I don't know. However, this is at least... This is an incredible opportunity. This is... What if this is a gift? I'm a gift. Hey. I say we use the Higgs device on him. Mm. Mm-mm. I don't think you really have time. Why would you say that? Well, you know, ever since we used the famous Higgs device, Solaris started taking on mass exponentially. You might have noticed how we're a lot closer to it. That would be because everything within its gravitational field - it's pulling it in. Ah, and, yeah, sorry. By the way, the Higgs device also drained the fuel cell reactors. Uh, if... Can I make a suggestion? I mean, this is... You can do what you want, but I would just lock me in here really tight and take the Athena back. Wear your seat belt. Switch to internal power. Start fuel cell operational diagnostic. Service check on LGA. Point and cali ate high-beam antenna. Depressurising. Spin all turbines to standby. Disengage coupling interlocks and all docking couplers. Vent and seal all main engine propellant lines. Earth. Even the word sounded strange to me now. Unfamiliar. How long had I been gone? How long had I been back? Did it matter? I tried to find the rhythm of the world where I used to live. I followed the current. I was silent and attentive. I made a conscious effort to smile... nod... stand... and perform the millions of gestures that constitute life on Earth. I studied these gestures until they became reflexes again. But I was haunted by the idea that I remembered her wrong. That somehow I was wrong about everything. Depressurising. Spin all turbines to standby. Disengage coupling interlocks and all docking couplers. Vent and seal all main engine propellant lines. Rheya! Rheya? Chris? Chris? Am I alive... or dead? We don't have to think like that any more. We're together now. Everything we've done is forgiven. Everything.

When I was born, the world was a far simpler place. It was all just cops and robbers. Fucking get down! Get down now! And you! Stay down! Stay down! But it wasn't for me. Then came the Summer of Love. Hashish and LSD arrived on the scene. There were villains lock ed away for 12 years for robbing a bank of 10 grand, doing time with drippy hippies doing 12 months for smuggling two million quid's worth of puff. I mean, work it out, mate. We're in the wrong fucking game. Drugs changed everything. Always remember that one day all this drug monk ey-business will be legal. They won't leave it to people lik e me when they figure out how much money there is to be made: Not millions, fucking billions. Recreational Drugs plc. Giving people what they want. Good times today, stupor tomorrow. But this is now. So, until prohibition ends, mak e hay while the sun shines. I'm not against it. I'm a businessman whose commodity happens to be cocaine. Ten years ago, charlie was for pop stars or a cele ity's birthday bash. It was demonised by Daily Mail readers getting drunk in naff wine bars. Now they're my biggest clients. This is Clarkie. Double first at Cam idge in Industrial Chemistry. Well, he's got to pay off his student loan somehow. Today, I only deal in kilos. Depending which tariff you use, that'll cost you either 28 grand or 15 years in prison, which is more time than a rapist. C'est la vie. It is vital that we work to a few golden rules. Always work in a small team. Keep a very low profile. Only deal with people who come recommended. It's lik e selling anything: Washing machines, hand-made shoes, blow-jobs. As long as you don't tak e the piss, people will always come back for more. That's not to say we don't weave that magic that mak es two kilos into three, but never be too greedy. Know and respect your enemy. It is only very, very stupid people who think the law is stupid. And av oid lik e the fucking plague loud, attention-seeking wannabe gangsters, in it for the glory, to be a face, to be a name. Hello, Slavo. Yeah, this is Duke. Everything's sweet. When can we meet? They don't mean to fuck up. They just do. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but stay away from the end-user. They are guaranteed to ing you trouble. As do guns. I hate guns. And violence. But as some Roman general once said, If you seek peace, plan for war. Morty and his assistant Terry, they watch my back. Morty learnt caution the hard way. He did ten years inside. He's my idge to the criminal world, and he ensures that the traffic is one way. Look, there's Amsterdam, and there's Oofdorfe... dorfe. Not a fucking clue. None of them speak English. - Get in the car. I'm sure it's that way. - Move up. - I bet you it's that way. - We've already been that way. Yeah, but we're gonna go that way again. Give us the map. Oh, don't start, the pair of you. It's like being out with a pair of kids. - All day you've been moaning. - It can't be that difficult. How many fucking greenhouses can there be? Morty. Terence. Clarkie. Very, very important: Pay your supplier prompt. In our case, that's Mr Jimmy Price. He's the top of the pyramid. Pay him. In full, on time, without fail, no short counts. You get no second chances. Jimmy calls the shots. Where the fuck is Gene? - I don't know. Ask me one on sport. - What time does your watch tell? - The same as yours. - He's never late. Shut the fuck up. Patience. Gene here is Jimmy's right-hand man. Been with him since way back. All the drugs and cash go through Gene. Jimmy trusts him with his life. By the way, Jimmy would like to see you tomorrow for a spot of lunch. Wait a minute. Is there a problem? Why does everybody assume there's a problem, just because he wants a word? Maybe he's grateful. He fucking should be. See you at Stoke Park at one. This is just so beautiful. We need to get in and out of here sharpish. Paul and the tide ain't gonna wait. Everyone lik es to walk through a door mark ed Private. Therefore, have a good reason to be affluent. I own a share in a very successful letting agency. It gives me an honest income. Looks good on the self-assessment. Whereas years ago scallywags were trying to get money out of banks, now your problem is how to get your ill-gotten gains in. That's a job for Mr Singh. He does my laundry. And in a week, it will be ready for collection, in the form of a nice, clean cheque for a round million. The business is on the up and up. But I've always said, have a plan and stick to it. Quit while you're ahead. So barring any fuck-ups, I'm leaving it all behind. No, we got the parcel. Yeah, better than expected, actually. It's just that things have gone a little bit slightly turbo this end. Come on, boys, lively, lively. If we miss this tide, we're not going anywhere till daylight. Paul, you ain't being paid to moan. You're being paid to get my cargo home. Come on, babe. You all right? Careful here, it's a bit wobbly. Life is so fucking good, I can taste it in my spit. I'll treat tomorrow's lunch like a Last Supper, feign interest in his tales. And then leave quietly forever. This is pure class. Please, follow me, gentlemen. Mr Price is in the Oval Room. - Your guests, Mr Price. - Thanks, Angelo. Welcome. Sit down. How is it with that Paki accountant I put your way? - He still doing the business? - Raj is doing a very good job. Good. Paying your bit of straight-goer's tax, eh? We all have to do our bit. Say hello from me next time you see him. You hungry? The grub here will make your bollocks tingle. Let's eat. Right. We've gotta test the snap-crackle-and-pop factor on these babies. Don't ask me. I ain't fucking touching 'em. You are a miserable bastard, you really are. - Brian. - What? Sit down, mate. Got a little treat for you. Help yourself. A little privacy, please, Angelo. What do you want, son? - Excuse me? - In life. What are you after? A shot at the title? A seat by the band? Well, I don't know, Mr Price. That's a very expansive question. Right, expansive. Good answer. Years ago, people would've thought you were a homosexual, using a word like expansive. - You're not a homosexual, are you? - No. - Not behind with the rent? - No. No, I didn't think you were. No harm in it, I suppose. Times change. You know why people like you can't leave this business? Because you make too much money for people like me. Anyway, I'll get to the point. I need a favour. I need someone who's a bit cute, a smooth operator. Not a two-a-penny loud-mouth. Too many grasses around. - It would be a pleasure, Mr Price. - Jimmy. You can call me Jimmy. Now, this favour. It's not for me, truth be told. It's for a good friend of mine. Like a blood- other. We were at school together. Now he's a right wheeler-dealer. Flinging up skyscrapers. His wife's a proper blue blood. I'll give you a clue. Eddie Temple. Does that name mean anything to you? - I know who you mean. - Now, Eddie's got a daughter. Charlie, bless her. The light of his life. He worships the ground she walks on. She's a proper beauty, Charlie. Or to give her her correct moniker, Charlie Spencer-Temple. But she ain't behaving like a lady. She's hooked on the white powder and loves a wrong 'un. This is where you come in, right? You're gonna find her. - Find her? - She's gone missing. Well, you should get a private detective. Oh, right. Some nosy ex-policeman, still on the Scotland Yard payroll? She's done a runner from a drug rehabilitation unit in the West Country. Rehab. She got loved up in there with some fucking low-life crackhead called Kinky. I reckon they've gone back to London. I wouldn't know where to begin. Now and then we're asked to do something beyond the call of duty. It's called sacrifice, son. Ask Gene. Ask Morty. - I'll do my best. - You do your best and find her. Keep Mr McGuire posted. I've also got a little business more in your usual line. Gene'll fill you in. Everything was to your satisfaction? - Fucking excellent, Angelo. - Thank you. Details, details. Things to do, things to get done. Don't bother me with details. Just tell me when they're done. - Who said that, son? - Winston Churchill? Close. No, I said it. James Lionel Price. Good boy. I'll see you at the yard tomorrow. Say, four. Tell you about that bit of business. I've set up a meet for five with the Duke. - What's with him? - He's just had one of these. These are super Es. We'll make millions! I don't care. This is my boat-yard. I want those pills and that fucking idiot out of here now. - I can't afford to get nicked. - Paul. Calm down, mate. I've got Gene coming down with a buyer. You'll be in your whack. Here, chill. Have a pill. Gene, why are we doing business with the Duke? Yeah, why are we dealing with this joker? He's a fucking maniac, a relic, a throw-back, belongs to the Dark Ages. Will you just shut the fuck up? We're dealing with him because he has 1 million Ecstasy pills of very high levels of MDMA, OK? One million? Gene, that is a lot of pills. What's the tax on that? Love a bit of cloak-and-dagger, this lot. Oh, yeah. Driving a ight yellow Range Rover. Very subtle. Calm down. You'll feel better once you've got your money. But how much can you spend in Parkhurst or the Scrubs, Gene? Come on. Oh, don't go getting Duke at it. Jimmy doesn't want him fucked about, OK? Who? Me? Don't you fucking talk to me like I'm some kind of mug. Duke, don't take this personally. It's business. You want to know how much they're worth. Yes! Fucking! Please! Just because you pay a fiver a pop down the local cattle market, don't, for fuck's sake, think these pills are worth millions. They're not. We've got to find a buyer. They've got to split them into parcels. They've got to find these people. You'd give a fucking aspirin a headache, pal. Then you've got currency fluctuations, police activity, adverse publicity. Who has got the readies lying around to pay for a million Es? - This is fucking bollocks! - Slasher, shut the fuck up! - Duke, we all want a good deal. - Mate, mate, mate. Mate, look, that parcel of pills has got to be worth five million easy. - Ł5 each, yeah! - You are fucking joking. It doesn't work like that! Don't keep fucking saying that to me! I've got some samples. I'll stay in touch through Gene, OK? You wouldn't be so fucking flash if you didn't have him behind you. Yeah, well, he fucking has, ain't he? Where did these monkeys get a million Es? Don't worry about that. Can you place them? We know someone up North who'll buy. Morty, set up a meeting with Trevor and Shanks in Liverpool. What's really bothering me is what colour to get the Aston. As you're driving it yourself, probably green. - Green? - Yeah. That's a trifle dull, I thought. What do you think, girls? Black. Yeah, black. Black's the colour for a hearse or a taxi. Don't be so conservative. Black's a splendid idea. Hello. Look who it is. Sit down. Do join us. - Can we have a word? - Our dreary oker has arrived. Hugo, follow me. Don't go anywhere. Drink some more champagne. Especially you. I like it when you're drunk. - You're the master of that. - What are you up to? We're doing the number on these American birds. - Who am I today? - The Earl of Oxford. - The Earl of Oxford. - Fucking hell. - What's this business, then? - It's a bit strange. Can you find somebody for me really quickly? - How quickly? - 20 grand quickly. You've got our attention. Oh, very nice. I suppose this is the boyfriend? It's a bit unusual for you. What's going on? - It doesn't matter. Can you do it? - Yeah. Should be a doddle. All the same, junkies and crackheads. Chuck 'em a few quid, they'll cough. - Is there anything else? - No. We must get back to work, old boy. Look... All right, mate. I'm the Duke's nephew. Remember me? Sidney. Sidney. Yes. Hello, mate. How are you? I'm just off. Have a nice night. How you doing? What you doing here? I hear you're doing business with my uncle, the Duke. Why don't you tell the whole fucking room? - This is Tammy. - Who's your mate, Sidney? He's a good mate of my uncle's, the Duke. He was just going. Yeah, well stick around and have a drink before you do, yeah? - Yeah, all right. - I got VIP down here. Nice little booth. Charisma, he's fucking got it. I know he's my uncle and all that, but you can't deny it. If you want anything, just tell me, 'cause I got 'em straightened out in here. If you want any running about, I'm your man... - Line? - What? I said do you want a line? No, mate. You knock yourself out. Lovely, isn't she? Isn't she a darling? Isn't she? Siddy, baby, I could do with a livener. Sidney, it's been great. I'll see you, man. Thanks for the champagne. All right. You let me know when you're happy, Mr Lucky. - Too warm down your way? - We're kept busy, Trevor. - Everyone wants a slice as well. - Same wherever you go. Greedy people. Yeah, it's all clear, Shanks. You lot would know all about that, wouldn't you? What the fuck's that, Shanks? Well, not you lot, but... ...that team down your end. Like you don't know. No offence, but what the fuck are you talking about? You really do surprise me, do you know that? Do you know something we don't? Don't be giving it the big fucking innocent, pal. Because I am not a fucking prick. - I never said you were, Shanks. - Cool it, Shanks. They really don't know. - Explain. - I was over in Amsterdam. Last weekend, right? The whole place is alight with a rumour about how this hooligan outfit from down your end, run by this joker called the Duke... - Gazza, go and find them fucking pills. - All right. Come on. Have a look in here. They skank ed this outfit, a proper, nutty Serbian militia. You're the first person ever to be foolish enough to steal from me. Shut up. But you're not the first to point a gun at me. Shut up or I'll be the last. Fuck me. They got lucky. He'd just knock ed up a massive batch. Fucking jackpot. There's fucking millions of the fuckers in here. Stay down there. Yes? You watch them. - That looks very heavy for you, darling. - Fuck off. - Why don't you put it down? - Why don't you shut up? - A little girl playing games with guns. - I ain't no little girl. Shut up! - You are shaking. - Fuck off! - Look at your arm. - Fuck off! - Put it down. - Why don't you listen to me? - Sit down! - Fuck off! Baby, baby, baby, baby! Come here. Come here. Baby, calm down, calm down. This will not be the end of this, Mr Duke, believe me. Gazza, go and load them pills. But he got unlucky because this lot are wanted for fucking war crimes. Mass murder, ethnic cleansing. They're lunatics. They're wanted by the United fucking Nations. Think about that. Let's get this clear. Duke has absolutely sweet fuck-all to do with us, understand? Everyone in Amsterdam believes that he has. - Bandied your names about. - What? Word on the straat is they've unleashed their top boy. His name is... His party piece, right, is lopping people's heads off then fetching them back to his boss. It's all about honour and respect with these head-banging nationalist outfits. They can't have it getting about that anybody has took liberties with them. But we had nothing to do with the acquiring of said merchandise. OK, we accept that. But with you lot up here punting this shipment, how does it look? Bad. You do know that we're only talking pennies an article? - Stolen goods. - You won't want them, then. Sit down, lah. Let's not be too hasty. Me and him need to have a little think. Don't think too long. Someone's gonna make a killing on these pills. They already have. That's the problem, kidder. That prick Duke's made us look a bunch of fucking amateurs. I told you he was trouble. But he ain't gonna drag me down with him. Try Gene again. What a fucking show-up! - He's not answering, Mort. - OK. Try Jimmy at home. - You sure? - Will you fucking ring him? - Where are we going, Morty? - Back to that boat-yard. - Somebody's about to get a fucking slap. - Yes, Morty. About fucking time. Paul? What a way to go. An iron burning a hole in your chest until your heart boils. Paulie would've told him anything, then, wouldn't he? You see, that's what happens when you do business with loons. Clarkie, have a sniff about. Make some phone calls, but really quietly. Find out where the Duke's holed up. We're gonna need an insurance policy. What's the fucking idea of phoning me at home and leaving messages, you prick! - Jimmy, it was an emergency. - Don't fucking call me Jimmy! And what's the idea of telling Duke those pills ain't worth shit? You don't know the problems you've caused. And don't be leaving it to that pair of ponces, Cody and Tiptoes, to find that bitch Charlie. I fucking told you to do it! Are you listening? Find a buyer for those pills. The person moving those pills met a nasty end. I don't give a fuck! - That was quick. - The gaff is rotten in there. - Kinky's still here, isn't he? - Didn't Tiptoes tell you? Tell me what? Have you let him go? No, I haven't. He's in here. Kinky. I still want to be paid. So, if I'm correct, you three gearheads are gonna be clucking very soon. In fact, you're gonna be climbing the walls any minute, aren't you? But I'm prepared to do you a favour. We can do this one of two ways. We can do it the nice way, which I think you'll prefer. Because the other way is my friend takes you and puts your head through the window! Right, so, was Charlie here with Kinky? Yeah, she was here for a couple of days. Kinky turned up with five grand. - Who's giving Kinky five grand? - We don't know. They k ept arguing. She was saying, Do you think it's that easy taking the five grand? But she was still caning the rocks. Where is she now? Brighton. She kept begging Kinky to go with her. The other night, I hears this noise. I'm looking out there. It's dark. But I sees this geezer all in black. It's like something out of a kung-fu film. - Pay no attention to him. He's a nutter. - Shut the fuck up. And you, fucking tell him now. What geezer? I don't know. I goofed out myself. The next morning, she's gone and Kinky's dead. You telling me that somebody's topped Kinky? Kinky overdosed. He always was a greedy fucker. I saw it with my own eyes, man. You smoke too much of that fucking crack! Shut the fuck up! - You twat! - Shut the fuck up! Get the fucking money! Morty! Morty! This is dodgy. That kid's talking about murder. He's talking shit. Get to Brighton and finish the job. - It all smells a bit fishy. - I'll double your money. - All right. And ten G for finding Kinky. - That wasn't the fucking deal. - Yes or no? - Yes. Hello. Ambulance, please. 185 Kirby House, Kings Cross. There's a dead boy. The door's open. My name...? 185 Kirby House. I'm not happy. This shit is out of control. You sort it out or I'll sort you out. Morty, Kinky OD'd, that's all. Charlie woke up, found him cold, freaked out, fucked off down to Brighton. Cody's gonna find her. Look, I'm gonna freshen these teas up. They're cold. Morty? Is that you? Where you been hiding, then, eh? Fucking hell. What you doing down this neck of the woods? Hello, Freddie. So... ...Mr Mortimer. Here, Morty, couldn't spare us a few quid, for old times' sake? You look well flush, uv. Fuck me, he's loaded. Here, couldn't make it five, could you... ...mate? - Let's make it ten. - Yeah. Ten's... ...a nice... ...round number. What's the matter? What's happening? Been away? Yeah. Ten fucking years. Going off? Or do you need a red light? Stop, Morty. Enough. He's had enough. - I'll tell you when he's had enough. - What the fuck is this? But let's forget about all that. Let's have a cup of tea, Mr Hurst. What the fuck? I'm sorry about that. I won't be around for a while. - It's me. - Hey. Come on up. I'll leave the door open. - How's your day been so far? - Very fucking funny. Have you eaten? I'll have a Chinky sent up. No, I'm fine, thank you. Gene, who the fuck is Freddie? He used to run with me, Morty and Jimmy in this real kamikaze firm. In those days, we were headed up by this guy called Crazy Larry. Yeah. Got shot, didn't he? Bit of a lunatic. That's an understatement. They were a spun-out bunch. Always doing loads of drugs. - Not worried about k eeping a low profile. - I love you. Turn over anyone who couldn't go to the law. No fucking problem. Boys will be boys. Until one of them, Kilburn Jerry... ...shoots himself stone dead. This is a bit of a dilemma. This desperate posse can't call the law or an ambulance. Morty, out of some mad fucking sense of loyalty, actually v olunteered to dispose of the body. No head. But things went a bit wrong. The guy Larry told to help him was Freddie Hurst. The total imbecile had fallen asleep at some traffic lights in a drunk en, drug-induced stupor. Morty was still shut up in the van with the headless body of Kilburn Jerry. Being black was even worse than being Irish. They threw the book at Morty. Freddie got three years for aiding and abetting. Morty did ten years because Freddie Hurst fell asleep? But he kept his mouth shut. Did his bird. Earned a lot of respect for that. All because some kid was being ridden against his will by a psychotic lunatic. - Who? - But you, you fuck! Larry. - Crazy Larry was gay. - He was never gay. - Larry used to say... - Fucking females is for puffs. So who shot Crazy Larry? A boyfriend? Probably. Larry made enemies very easy. Took liberties with too many straight lads. Not for me. Listen, son. Let me explain something to you. Freddie's in intensive care with a bit of a ain haemorrhage. You were there at the scene. That's called joint venture. Now, if Freddie dies, you're either in the dock with Morty or you're in the witness box putting him away. Think about that. You know, I will have one of those. - All right, fellas? - Where's Duke? - I don't know. - What do you mean? - I don't know. I thought he was here. - Well, go and fucking find him. He's probably having a night out while us mugs babysit these. Gene, what the fuck am I gonna do about these Serbs? Come here. I have something for you. - You're gonna need one of these. - Fuck me, Gene. I fucking hope not. Are you trying to scare the shit out of me? I mean, I fucking hate guns. Although that one is really pretty. Is that Second World War? Hey, point it upwards. Oh, for fuck's sake. Here, let me see if it's loaded. You look like you could do that blindfolded. I can and I do. I find it very relaxing. Good for meditation. Meditation is concentrating the front of the mind with a mundane task so the rest of the mind can find peace. And you find peace with guns. Well, on occasion. It has been known. Listen. I know it's not your thing. But if you ever have to kill somebody, never, ever tell a living soul. - Who is this? - My name is Dragan. How did you get this number? Boatman Paul gave me your number, in the end. I believe you have some property that belongs to my employer, and you're the person I should talk to about the return of this cargo, stolen by your associate, the Duk e. Dragan, the Duke is nothing to do with me. Mr Duk e came to Amsterdam, used your name, said he work ed for you. - Are you listening? - Dragan... I've got an idea. Why don't you come round for eakfast? I'll squeeze some orange juice and we'll talk about this like adults. - How does that sound? - Sounds very hospitable. - Do you know where I live? - No. Well, fuck off, then. Duk e's gone missing. He's a fucking liability. The pigs are everywhere. This was meant to be easy. No sweat. Calm down, Gazza. I'm sure Duke's just fine. Well, you've got 48 hours to find a buyer or I'm sending 'em back, OK? Now, listen. Don't do anything stupid, Gazza. It ain't worth the grief. We've gone underground, off the radar. Nothing personal, but I don't trust you. Listen, I just had a phone call from Gazza. Being a cry-baby. Threatening to offload those pills in 48 hours. Between you and that gobshite Duke, he's promised Jimmy a bumper pay-day. - So get busy. - I said to Jimmy I'd try and... He put yous together. You and Duke. That's his job. If you two can't make music, he's gonna want his whack out either way. That's business. - I hope you put this Dragan straight. - Yeah. I told him to fuck off. What? Please tell me you're fucking joking. Well, I am beginning to regret it now. We've got to find the Duke, find these fucking pills. We can't rely on these monkeys to call Gene. We've looked everywhere. There's no sign. You can't find any of his firm? Maybe this Dragan geezer's already found the Duke and done the business. Yeah, well, there is someone I can call. Keep looking. Wait. You're gonna leave it to us? This Dragan geezer is phoning me. I am the target. And if we don't find the Duke, this, everything, all over. - It's me. Sidney's mate. - Oh, hiya. - What took you so long to call? - I've been busy. - You sound sleepy. You just woken up? - Not long ago. - So when am I gonna see you? - What are you doing now? Nothing. No, I was just lying in bed, wondering what to do. - You still in bed? - Yeah. - You lying there naked? - I've got a little T-shirt on. But that's all. Here, wait, listen to this. What's that? I was just rubbing the phone against my fanny. Did you lik e it? My, oh my, it's fresh this morning. Look at my nipples, standing up like little soldiers. What is a girl to do? Tammy, why don't we meet up now? I'll book a table for lunch. St Martin's Hotel. Don't worry about a table. We'll have room service. - Yeah, OK. - One hour. Hang on. Oh, shit. Oh, leave it off, Sidney. He's driving me fucking mad. - We're not expecting Sidney, are we? - He's too busy kissing Duke's arse. Not round here, I hope. No, over by Greenwich market. So you can relax. It's just the two of us. Patience. All good things come to those who wait. Stay put. Hello, it's me. It's me. Shut up and listen. Sidney, Duke's nephew is working down by Greenwich Market. Go and look. - Room service. - Look for that yellow Range Rover. OK. - Your champagne, sir. - I didn't order... One moment, Mr Troop. I want to hear what this bastard has to say for himself. I'm Jimmy's old colleague, Eddie Temple. - Fuck! - He told you to locate my daughter. Hunt her down like some lost mongrel. He said you asked for his help. Mr Troop could find anyone on the planet in ten minutes flat. If you'd laid a finger on my daughter, you'd be over the edge like that. You'd join that shit, Kinky, who thought he could take my five grand and fuck me over. The audacity. How fucking dare you? I've known Jimmy Price for 45 years. It pays me to keep an eye on him. Do you know what a remora fish is? - Yes. - Oh, you do? Well, Jimmy has been swimming in my slipstream all my fucking life. I thought he might put some volatile psychopath on the job. But I've checked you out, son. You're a smart boy. But you keep very, very bad company. You know, I host a charity golf tournament every year. Quite an event in the social calendar, if I do say so myself. I like to invite Jimmy. Some of my friends find him absurdly hilarious. Drinks are on me. Drinks for everyone. Champagne. Fucking good gear and all. But I've come unstuck in my attempts to provide a spectacle for my chums. Jimmy, as usual on the look out for titbits, has met the development minister of some tin-pot republic. They're trawling the West for investments. They have vast natural resources. Quite an investment for the right man. They've sent in men from Timbuktu explaining all the details. Profits, shares, long-term investments, short-term investments. They've even made him an honorary citizen. Even made him one of the tribe. What we didn't know, until it all ended in tears, was that the hard-line communist insurgents who control the country outside the mining areas... Bad news about our little venture, Jim. The communists have oken through. Heading for the capital with little resistance. What the fuck are you on about? I got word they were planning a push. The final coup de grâce. I told Jimmy. - It's all over. - Fuck's sake! - Keep your voice down. - Get my money out quick, now. As if it was some little kiddie's piggy bank. Now, I explained that wasn't possible. We thought we'd bought a government. Maybe someone made a better offer. Forget about it. You win some, you lose some. How much are we talking? It's only a cheeky half-mill, Jim. - It's much more than that. - How much? - 13. - 13 what? - 13 million pounds. I'm fucked. - Have you gone fucking mad? 13 million pounds! How could you be so fucking stupid? You've been right grafted, royally turned over. - Like some Yank buying London Bridge. - Don't talk to me like that. He accused me of instigating it. It's no coincidence I met them at your tournament. Are you fucking demented? Asked me to fly to Zurich to see the minister, still parked up in La Maison Grande, still eating well. Big fat fucker. On little Jimmy's nest egg. Jimmy thought he'd keep Charlotte hostage while you went to get his money. Little Jimmy was so stupid, he thought he couldn't lose either way. I'm sorry, what? If you find Charlotte, he's got his hostage. If I find you trying to find her, I do his dirty work. - I'm still not with you. - Your lives are inextricably linked. I've found out something very interesting about Jimmy, something I've long suspected. But I'll let Jimmy explain. You follow me. You've no doubt suffered Jimmy's CID was geezers you was at school with routine? The other chap's Albert Carter. Another twisted bastard from the old neighbourhood. Member of the Regional Crime Squad. Sit back, relax and enjoy. It ain't lik e your lot in the old days. - They've all gone squeaky. - Tell me about it, Jim. I have to box clever with those college boys from Anti-Corruption. - Fucking dogs. Slags. Ten grand? - It's the going rate, Jim. Ten K. Hardly seems worth the bother. Well, there's only so much in those informer funds. What about Gene? Does he suspect anything? What? About me working for the old firm? Listen. Gene... ...is too loyal for his own good. - I don't fucking believe it. - You better believe it. - 'Cause it's fucking happening. - Where did you get this? Mr Troop made it for me. - It's one of his little hobbies. - I don't fucking believe it. Don't you want to hear what Jimmy has to say about you? I've got one for you. Pluck ed and ready for the pot. - Just give us a name and he's gone. - In time. I don't want a bunce. I want him out of the way. Flash young runt. One of the new eed, ain't he? Reck ons he can just waltz off into retirement. I want him away for 12. If he's got a kilo of class A, he's looking at double figures. - I'll put it there myself. - Sounds personal. He's got a few quid. He'll come in handy. I set him up with that slippery accountant in the first place. Fucking rag-head let slip, didn't he? You will miss him when he's gone, Mr Price. Is that you, the flash runt who thinks he's retiring? You'd no idea what Jimmy was up to? How do you think these fuckers earn a living? I would've thought a smart young man like you would know that already. - Can I have that? - Mr Troop. Thank you. This looks like you, son. Smart part of town. I'll keep an eye open. Must dash off. Get home. Wash and ush up. Opera tonight. The Damnation of Faust. Man sells his soul to the devil. All ends in tears. These arrangements usually do. One more thing, young man. Always remember, the art of good business is being a good middleman. Bye-bye. Fuck! - I've got him. - Got who? Sidney, remember? Yellow Range Rover? Seems they sent our friend out for something to eat. Good. Tell Morty. - So what do we do now? - Call Morty. Shut up and listen. No more insults, no more games. If I do not get my cargo back, you're a dead man. Dragan, I've been doing some checking. - I've found out who you represent. - Good. I can point you towards your boss's merchandise. - Come to my hotel... - Look... - I'd rather meet you in a public place. - You have nothing to fear. - I'm a reasonable man. - That's not what I've heard. I'll meet you at... I'll meet you at Greenwich Park Observatory. - Any taxi will drop you off. - I can read a map. - Tomorrow. Midday. - Tomorrow at 12. I'll be there. That's rude, Mr Dragan. It's Conditions Red down there. They're didgy as fuck. They haven't moved from that lock-up. Have a look at the geezer at the front, on the door. I know him from somewhere. This could get messy. What about the blokes in red? Mechanics. They got a ringing coup going on. The lorries come in one colour, go out another. But they're nothing to do with the Duke. - Fuck me, look who it isn't. - Who's that? It doesn't matter. I've got work to do. - Stay here. Those pills move, call me. - You got it. - Day and night, Terry. - What do you mean night? - I've been here all day. Get Clarkie. - Day and fucking night. Got it? Hello, young man. Thank you for coming at such short notice. I hope you didn't feel too summoned. How are you? I'm in the best of health, Mr Temple. Thank you for asking. - How are you keeping? - I'm very well. - How was the performance of Faust? - Complex. No wonder it took him 60 years to write it. How's the family? What is this? A vicar's tea party? You do sometimes take your conversations away with you. Being a clever bastard, are we? - How do I know you're not wired up? - Well, I'm not. Then we'll have to trust each other, won't we? Sit down. I've been thinking, after our chat the other day. Your pills. How much for the lot? No, I've already got a buyer. Nearly took my hand off. He's putting the money together now. I told you, lah. I'm still thinking. It's only been three days. What's the fucking hurry? - What's he paying? - It's confidential. Don't be an idiot. Let me match his offer. They've got history. Bad juju. And, anyway, this Serbian maniac's in hot pursuit. If I sold them to you, I'd have to disappoint him. And he is definitely not... I did you a big fucking favour letting you know about Jimmy. I think you owe me. 2˝ million in sterling and euros, high-denomination used notes. So if I gave you three million, that would keep everyone happy. Let me state my position. You can sell these pills to whoever you like. That's your privilege. That's your business. But I'll tell you, I'll be very, very unhappy if you don't sell 'em to me. You understand? OK, Mr Temple. Three million. Done. - My buyer's not gonna be happy, though. - Fuck him. He'll get over it. I'm gonna need some help. Someone who can eliminate the problem. Someone who's a bit handy. Whoa! Slow down, kidder. Mr Lucky does a drop of freelance work. I don't need to know. It's none of my business. You tell him when, and he'll come down on the train. Thanks, Trev. Excuse me. Mr Temple. You deliver them to my warehouse. When do I get my consignment? Monday. No, Tuesday, probably. Tuesday? I'm paying over the odds, remember? England! Typical. Even drug dealers don't work weekends. That's good news. That should cheer Gene up. Yeah, everything's under control. - Cody's been chasing his ten grand. - Yeah. I'll call him later. - Hey, Geno, what's up? - Got some good news. Oh, yeah? What's that? - You murdering bastard! - Open the fucking door! - Stay out of this, Morty. - Gene! - Murder? Who's dead? - Jimmy. He killed him. Blew his fucking head away. - Open this fucking door! - Why? Open this fucking door! - Get off him. - No, listen, listen. Just listen. Listen to me, Morty. I got a call from a cozzer we've got bent. They found Jimmy's body last night. In his own backyard. It was this sly bastard. He's no killer. Somebody's made a mistake. All right, look. Here. We'll see. Read it. Read it out loud. To senior ranks only. Murder Squad investigation. James Lionel Price. Read the fucking ballistics report. Preliminary ballistics report. No arms recovered. Disintegrated on impact. One recovered cartridge casing. You forgot to take the cartridge case. You got sloppy. ...consistent with weapon used in unsolved homicide of Lawrence Gower aka Crazy Larry Flynn. Wait. I got it. Whoever killed Crazy Larry must've killed Jimmy. No, no. The gun. The fucking gun was the same. The one he stole from my flat. - You killed Crazy Larry? - So? - This fucker killed Jimmy. - Oh, Jesus Christ! - Why did you do it? - He was an informer. - He was a police informer! - Jimmy a grass? Are you fucking mad? - You'll have to do better than that. - I've got a recording at home. Of Jimmy and a cozzer called Albie Carter. Gene, let's listen to this shit. If he's lying, we'll both fucking kill him. Mr Mortimer reck ons the Tylers are inging in shooters from Jamaica via Manchester. They got someone in Immigration straightened out. I don't think anybody gives a fuck about spades shooting spades. Don't you care about dead darkies, Albert? What about Gene? Does he suspect anything? What? About me working for the old firm? Convinced? You don't fuck about, do you? Jimmy was skint, huh? That's why he set up the whole Amsterdam business with Duke. I really think we should keep all of this to ourselves, right? Really? Why did you kill Larry? Funnily enough, it was Jimmy who persuaded me. Jimmy never lik ed Larry. Look at that wrong 'un waving his money around. It ain't right. Hey, I love you, man. He saw the future was drugs and it needed to be run like a business. Crazy Larry was no fucking businessman. After that business with Kilburn Jerry... That's it, son. You do him. Bollocks! ...he wanted him gone. I didn't have any problem doing him. That's why I did it. But why did you keep the gun? Sounds silly now, but it was my favourite. I hope you don't tell the other guns you've got favourites. So what's the next move, boss? Well, I'm going to bed. I don't know what you two are doing. We can talk about it tomorrow. Sorry? Sorry, mate, what was that? Would you pack that in? I've got a fucking test next week. OK. OK, I'm sorry. I was just saying... So when does the target get here, then? The target? The target's gonna be here at exactly midday. Where? - Here, right fucking here. - Got a photo? - Don't worry about it. - Who's worried? I'll have some binoculars. I'll give you a little signal. I could get the 13.10 home from here. Let's have a little recce. After we do the business, walk slowly back. Remember, it's a stroll in the park. Don't run, whatever you do. The first five minutes, nobody'll have a clue what's going on. Hopefully, it'll be mayhem. So try to stay relaxed. Don't do anything to draw attention to yourself. Or me. Afterwards, take me to the Underground station. I'll look after myself. There. Time? Six minutes to twelve. I hope he's not gonna be late. - Maybe he'll be early. - That'll be nice. Can you see that guy on the left? - Big fella, marching up the hill. - That's our man. - Are you sure? - For fuck's sake. I'm gonna call him. It's up to you. You're the client. - As soon as he answers, he's gone, OK? - Okey-dokey. Stand by. Now. Hello, may I help you? Don't move a muscle. - Do I have your attention? - Yes. You English, you have no idea of honour and respect. I usually kill for less. I want my cargo and the Duk e. I haven't got your pills. Just give me a day. Don't piss in my pock et and tell me it's raining. Now listen for the last time. - You'll ing me what is mine. - Look, I don't... Jesus! You have one more day. See you tomorrow at dusk by the statue. Remember, I will be watching you. What the fuck were you thinking? Getting Trevor's man down here to shoot this Serb in a park! Trevor's gonna go ballistic. Now, what the fuck do I tell him? - What a fucking mess. - You've gone mad. - Think you're a gangster? - Fuck off! You want to play? You do it somewhere else. If you do it near me, I'll put you in a fucking wheelchair. Stick to your fucking sums. Listen. Listen to me. Dragan's killed Paul. He's done the Duke. He's just put a bullet between Lucky's eyes. I was there! He's watching our every move. Who's next, me? - I wish. - Fuck off! It could've been you or Morty. Dragan said he wanted the pills and the Duke. Where's the Duke? What? I should've told you this earlier. Duke and Slasher came by the office the other day. Paul the boatman was topped last night. I've got to get on my toes sharpish. I want Jimmy ought here right now, yeah? Getting that smug fucking yuppie bastard to tell Duke those pills were useless, after sending us over in the first place. Hang on, you've lost me now. If you have us over, I swear by fucking almighty God, I'll call the fucking law. - What are you talking about? - I'll call the law. She didn't mean that. She's upset. Shut the fuck up! That's where playing at being a gangster gets you. You're not in there 'cause I like you. I'm beginning to feel left out. Why? Freddie Hurst is still in intensive care after your jolly little reunion the other day. Fucking hell, Duke. For once, you might be of some use. That was Gazza on the phone. It's on. He'll pick you up at nine in the morning. Gallows Corner. You know it? Yeah. With Jimmy gone, these pills will make a nice contribution to my retirement fund, so don't fuck things up again, OK? If you do, you'll wish this Dragan had shot you between the eyes, understand? Best of luck. Thanks. Fuck off! Sidney, I've told you, stop answering my phone, OK? - Who was it? - Wrong number. - All right? - Hello, Sidney. - How you doing, then? - I'm all right. How are you? I'm all right, mate, yeah. Gazza, this place stinks. We want to get you out of here. 50 pence a pill. That way, we all come out with something. - I think they're worth more than that. - This is a reality check. Paul's dead, Jimmy's dead. Duke and Slasher, fuck knows where they are. This gear is knock-off, and the Serbs you nicked it from, they'd kill you like you'd take a piss. Gazza, the Old Bill are outside! - Gazza, no! - Go, go, go! - Let's have it! - Don't point that gun at me. - Put it down! - We're going in! Gazza, look at me. Put it down. You're gonna get us all shot. Fuck it! Boat! Stay there! Fuck! Come on! - Gazza, wait! - Fucking hurry up, then! Get in. Is this for me? Yes. Your cargo's gone, I'm afraid. - It was seized by... - I know already. - How do you know? - I watched. I don't believe this. Captain's gonna go fucking spare! We are in shit. You lot have fucked up again. Oh, fucking hell. Leave it to me, lads. I'll explain to Inspector Cox that his suspect has scarpered 'cause of your blundering. Knobheads. Helmets off. Does this settle things, then? Tango Foxtrot, over. Delta Uniform... How did that other errand go? Success, as far as I could make out. Where is my fucking prisoner? - You old ladies couldn't catch a cold. - Sir, I just... Shut up, you soppy wanker. - Indigo... - Dingo Bongo. - Is this area now secure? - Yes, sir. You can fuck off, then. So where are the pills, genius? I think this is them now. What the fuck? - Couldn't leave this behind. - Greenies. You are in the wrong game. You should work with us. - Are we square? - Yeah, we're sweet. It seems so. Your pills are in the back. Help yourself. Hello. OK. Yes, I will do. Bye-bye. You're off the hook, Morty. Freddie Hurst is out of his coma. Good news. - Yeah. - Good news, mate. Listen, I've got one for you. Irishman caught his son snorting charlie. He said, If I catch you doing that again, I'll rub your fucking nose in it. - Do you have the pills? - In the cars. Boss wants to see you in his office. Come in. Sit down. Here you are. Payment. - You look shocked, son. - Are you taking the fucking piss? You and Jimmy have caused my little angel Charlotte considerable anxiety. She's off to Arizona for a course of intense treatment. I'm keeping those pills for myself, by way of compensation. I think I'm entitled. Simple. End of. The amount of trouble you've caused the last few days. Jimmy. Poor little Jimmy. It would be in your interests if this thing finishes here, now, today. Understand? It doesn't matter what I do. This lot are gonna come after you. They're too long in the tooth to rampage round the country, looking for revenge. Look at 'em. Bunch of under-endowed, ageing fuck pigs. Are you enjoying this? No. On the contrary. Take it as a compliment. You're a ight young man. This monkey business is in your blood, under your skin. You're not getting out, you're just getting in. I've every faith in you. One day, it will be you sitting here telling some young Turk the facts of life. And they are, Mr Temple? You're born, you take shit. Get out in the world, you take more shit. Climb a little higher, you take less shit. Until one day, you're up in the rarefied atmosphere, and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son. This thing ends here, tonight. You understand? Drug money's easy money, not grief. The odds, as you can see, are against you. Goodnight. If you're gonna hang around in this game, that's where you've got to be. In your bonded warehouse with the ex-soldiers doing the dirty work, while you deliver the suspect lecture to baffle your opponents and cover your tracks. The art of good business is being a good middleman. Putting people together. I'll always thank Eddie for telling me that. It's all about honour and respect. This is the end, Mr Duke, as I told you. Do you know what? I fucking enjoyed that, other. Just like the old days, Shanks. A nice bit of armed robbery. All right? Where do you want the money sent, lah? I'll let you know as soon as I do. Again, I am sorry about Lucky. Don't worry about it, kidder. Man was a prick, anyway. Later. - Ready? - Yeah. Let's go. Did I really think Eddie was gonna give me three million for those pills? Did I fuck. But suddenly there was a v oid where once there was Jimmy Price. And after a couple of days, Eddie's little getting-in-and-getting-out speech started to mak e sense. - Angelo. Thank you. - Thank you very much. - Can we get some privacy? - Of course. The king is dead. Long live the king. Well, I'm honoured. But for me this is all over. I'm getting out. What was true then is true now. Have a plan. Stick to it. So I'm sure you must have lots to discuss, but I have no business being here. I've got someone to meet. Adiós, amigos. Paul the boatman. Kinky. The Duk e. Slasher. Kilburn Jerry. Crazy Larry. Mr Lucky. Troop. Jimmy. I don't want to add my name to that list. My name? If you knew that, you'd be as clever as me. No! I'm sorry.

When I was born, the world was a far simpler place. It was all just cops and robbers. Fucking get down! Get down now! And you! Stay down! Stay down! But it wasn't for me. Then came the Summer of Love. Hashish and LSD arrived on the scene. There were villains lock ed away for 12 years for robbing a bank of 10 grand, doing time with drippy hippies doing 12 months for smuggling two million quid's worth of puff. I mean, work it out, mate. We're in the wrong fucking game. Drugs changed everything. Always remember that one day all this drug monkey-business will be legal. They won't leave it to people like me when they figure out how much money there is to be made: Not millions, fucking billions. Recreational Drugs plc. Giving people what they want. Good times today, stupor tomorrow. But this is now. So, until prohibition ends, make hay while the sun shines. I'm not against it. I'm a businessman whose commodity happens to be cocaine. Ten years ago, Charlie was for pop stars or a cele ity's birthday bash. It was demonised by Daily Mail readers getting drunk in naff wine bars. Now they're my biggest clients. This is Clarkie. Double first at Cam idge in Industrial Chemistry. Well, he's got to pay off his student loan somehow. Today, I only deal in kilos. Depending which tariff you use, that'll cost you either 28 grand or 15 years in prison, which is more time than a rapist. C'est la vie. It is vital that we work to a few golden rules. Always work in a small team. Keep a very low profile. Only deal with people who come recommended. It's like selling anything: Washing machines, hand-made shoes, blow-jobs. As long as you don't take the piss, people will always come back for more. That's not to say we don't weave that magic that makes two kilos into three, but never be too greedy. Know and respect your enemy. It is only very, very stupid people who think the law is stupid. And avoid like the fucking plague loud, attention-seeking wannabe gangsters, in it for the glory, to be a face, to be a name. Hello, Slavo. Yeah, this is Duke. Everything's sweet. When can we meet? They don't mean to fuck up. They just do. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but stay away from the end-user. They are guaranteed to ing you trouble. As do guns. I hate guns. And violence. But as some Roman general once said, If you seek peace, plan for war. Morty and his assistant Terry, they watch my back. Morty learnt caution the hard way. He did ten years inside. He's my idge to the criminal world, and he ensures that the traffic is one way. Look, there's Amsterdam, and there's Oofdorfe... dorfe. Not a fucking clue. None of them speak English. - Get in the car. I'm sure it's that way. - Move up. - I bet you it's that way. - We've already been that way. Yeah, but we're gonna go that way again. Give us the map. Oh, don't start, the pair of you. It's like being out with a pair of kids. - All day you've been moaning. - It can't be that difficult. How many fucking greenhouses can there be? Morty. Terence. Clarkie. Very, very important: Pay your supplier prompt. In our case, that's Mr Jimmy Price. He's the top of the pyramid. Pay him. In full, on time, without fail, no short counts. You get no second chances. Jimmy calls the shots. Where the fuck is Gene? - I don't know. Ask me one on sport. - What time does your watch tell? - The same as yours. - He's never late. Shut the fuck up. Patience. Gene here is Jimmy's right-hand man. Been with him since way back. All the drugs and cash go through Gene. Jimmy trusts him with his life. By the way, Jimmy would like to see you tomorrow for a spot of lunch. Wait a minute. Is there a problem? Why does everybody assume there's a problem, just because he wants a word? Maybe he's grateful. He fucking should be. See you at Stoke Park at one. This is just so beautiful. We need to get in and out of here sharpish. Paul and the tide ain't gonna wait. Everyone likes to walk through a door mark ed Private. Therefore, have a good reason to be affluent. I own a share in a very successful letting agency. It gives me an honest income. Looks good on the self-assessment. Whereas years ago scallywags were trying to get money out of banks, now your problem is how to get your ill-gotten gains in. That's a job for Mr Singh. He does my laundry. And in a week, it will be ready for collection, in the form of a nice, clean cheque for a round million. The business is on the up and up. But I've always said, have a plan and stick to it. Quit while you're ahead. So barring any fuck-ups, I'm leaving it all behind. No, we got the parcel. Yeah, better than expected, actually. It's just that things have gone a little bit slightly turbo this end. Come on, boys, lively, lively. If we miss this tide, we're not going anywhere till daylight. Paul, you ain't being paid to moan. You're being paid to get my cargo home. Come on, babe. You all right? Careful here, it's a bit wobbly. Life is so fucking good, I can taste it in my spit. I'll treat tomorrow's lunch like a Last Supper, feign interest in his tales. And then leave quietly forever. This is pure class. Please, follow me, gentlemen. Mr Price is in the Oval Room. - Your guests, Mr Price. - Thanks, Angelo. Welcome. Sit down. How is it with that Paki accountant I put your way? - He still doing the business? - Raj is doing a very good job. Good. Paying your bit of straight-goer's tax, eh? We all have to do our bit. Say hello from me next time you see him. You hungry? The grub here will make your bollocks tingle. Let's eat. Right. We've gotta test the snap-crackle-and-pop factor on these babies. Don't ask me. I ain't fucking touching 'em. You are a miserable bastard, you really are. - Brian. - What? Sit down, mate. Got a little treat for you. Help yourself. A little privacy, please, Angelo. What do you want, son? - Excuse me? - In life. What are you after? A shot at the title? A seat by the band? Well, I don't know, Mr Price. That's a very expansive question. Right, expansive. Good answer. Years ago, people would've thought you were a homosexual, using a word like expansive. - You're not a homosexual, are you? - No. - Not behind with the rent? - No. No, I didn't think you were. No harm in it, I suppose. Times change. You know why people like you can't leave this business? Because you make too much money for people like me. Anyway, I'll get to the point. I need a favour. I need someone who's a bit cute, a smooth operator. Not a two-a-penny loud-mouth. Too many grasses around. - It would be a pleasure, Mr Price. - Jimmy. You can call me Jimmy. Now, this favour. It's not for me, truth be told. It's for a good friend of mine. Like a blood- other. We were at school together. Now he's a right wheeler-dealer. Flinging up skyscrapers. His wife's a proper blue blood. I'll give you a clue. Eddie Temple. Does that name mean anything to you? - I know who you mean. - Now, Eddie's got a daughter. Charlie, bless her. The light of his life. He worships the ground she walks on. She's a proper beauty, Charlie. Or to give her her correct moniker, Charlie Spencer-Temple. But she ain't behaving like a lady. She's hooked on the white powder and loves a wrong 'un. This is where you come in, right? You're gonna find her. - Find her? - She's gone missing. Well, you should get a private detective. Oh, right. Some nosy ex-policeman, still on the Scotland Yard payroll? She's done a runner from a drug rehabilitation unit in the West Country. Rehab. She got loved up in there with some fucking low-life crackhead called Kinky. I reckon they've gone back to London. I wouldn't know where to begin. Now and then we're asked to do something beyond the call of duty. It's called sacrifice, son. Ask Gene. Ask Morty. - I'll do my best. - You do your best and find her. Keep Mr McGuire posted. I've also got a little business more in your usual line. Gene'll fill you in. Everything was to your satisfaction? - Fucking excellent, Angelo. - Thank you. Details, details. Things to do, things to get done. Don't bother me with details. Just tell me when they're done. - Who said that, son? - Winston Churchill? Close. No, I said it. James Lionel Price. Good boy. I'll see you at the yard tomorrow. Say, four. Tell you about that bit of business. I've set up a meet for five with the Duke. - What's with him? - He's just had one of these. These are super Es. We'll make millions! I don't care. This is my boat-yard. I want those pills and that fucking idiot out of here now. - I can't afford to get nicked. - Paul. Calm down, mate. I've got Gene coming down with a buyer. You'll be in your whack. Here, chill. Have a pill. Gene, why are we doing business with the Duke? Yeah, why are we dealing with this joker? He's a fucking maniac, a relic, a throw-back, belongs to the Dark Ages. Will you just shut the fuck up? We're dealing with him because he has 1 million Ecstasy pills of very high levels of MDMA, OK? One million? Gene, that is a lot of pills. What's the tax on that? Love a bit of cloak-and-dagger, this lot. Oh, yeah. Driving a ight yellow Range Rover. Very subtle. Calm down. You'll feel better once you've got your money. But how much can you spend in Parkhurst or the Scrubs, Gene? Come on. Oh, don't go getting Duke at it. Jimmy doesn't want him fucked about, OK? Who? Me? Don't you fucking talk to me like I'm some kind of mug. Duke, don't take this personally. It's business. You want to know how much they're worth. Yes! Fucking! Please! Just because you pay a fiver a pop down the local cattle market, don't, for fuck's sake, think these pills are worth millions. They're not. We've got to find a buyer. They've got to split them into parcels. They've got to find these people. You'd give a fucking aspirin a headache, pal. Then you've got currency fluctuations, police activity, adverse publicity. Who has got the readies lying around to pay for a million Es? - This is fucking bollocks! - Slasher, shut the fuck up! - Duke, we all want a good deal. - Mate, mate, mate. Mate, look, that parcel of pills has got to be worth five million easy. - Ł5 each, yeah! - You are fucking joking. It doesn't work like that! Don't keep fucking saying that to me! I've got some samples. I'll stay in touch through Gene, OK? You wouldn't be so fucking flash if you didn't have him behind you. Yeah, well, he fucking has, ain't he? Where did these monkeys get a million Es? Don't worry about that. Can you place them? We know someone up North who'll buy. Morty, set up a meeting with Trevor and Shanks in Liverpool. What's really bothering me is what colour to get the Aston. As you're driving it yourself, probably green. - Green? - Yeah. That's a trifle dull, I thought. What do you think, girls? Black. Yeah, black. Black's the colour for a hearse or a taxi. Don't be so conservative. Black's a splendid idea. Hello. Look who it is. Sit down. Do join us. - Can we have a word? - Our dreary oker has arrived. Hugo, follow me. Don't go anywhere. Drink some more champagne. Especially you. I like it when you're drunk. - You're the master of that. - What are you up to? We're doing the number on these American birds. - Who am I today? - The Earl of Oxford. - The Earl of Oxford. - Fucking hell. - What's this business, then? - It's a bit strange. Can you find somebody for me really quickly? - How quickly? - 20 grand quickly. You've got our attention. Oh, very nice. I suppose this is the boyfriend? It's a bit unusual for you. What's going on? - It doesn't matter. Can you do it? - Yeah. Should be a doddle. All the same, junkies and crackheads. Chuck 'em a few quid, they'll cough. - Is there anything else? - No. We must get back to work, old boy. Look... All right, mate. I'm the Duke's nephew. Remember me? Sidney. Sidney. Yes. Hello, mate. How are you? I'm just off. Have a nice night. How you doing? What you doing here? I hear you're doing business with my uncle, the Duke. Why don't you tell the whole fucking room? - This is Tammy. - Who's your mate, Sidney? He's a good mate of my uncle's, the Duke. He was just going. Yeah, well stick around and have a drink before you do, yeah? - Yeah, all right. - I got VIP down here. Nice little booth. Charisma, he's fucking got it. I know he's my uncle and all that, but you can't deny it. If you want anything, just tell me, 'cause I got 'em straightened out in here. If you want any running about, I'm your man... - Line? - What? I said do you want a line? No, mate. You knock yourself out. Lovely, isn't she? Isn't she a darling? Isn't she? Siddy, baby, I could do with a livener. Sidney, it's been great. I'll see you, man. Thanks for the champagne. All right. You let me know when you're happy, Mr Lucky. - Too warm down your way? - We're kept busy, Trevor. - Everyone wants a slice as well. - Same wherever you go. Greedy people. Yeah, it's all clear, Shanks. You lot would know all about that, wouldn't you? What the fuck's that, Shanks? Well, not you lot, but... ...that team down your end. Like you don't know. No offence, but what the fuck are you talking about? You really do surprise me, do you know that? Do you know something we don't? Don't be giving it the big fucking innocent, pal. Because I am not a fucking prick. - I never said you were, Shanks. - Cool it, Shanks. They really don't know. - Explain. - I was over in Amsterdam. Last weekend, right? The whole place is alight with a rumour about how this hooligan outfit from down your end, run by this joker called the Duke... - Gazza, go and find them fucking pills. - All right. Come on. Have a look in here. They skanked this outfit, a proper, nutty Serbian militia. You're the first person ever to be foolish enough to steal from me. Shut up. But you're not the first to point a gun at me. Shut up or I'll be the last. Fuck me. They got lucky. He'd just knock ed up a massive batch. Fucking jackpot. There's fucking millions of the fuckers in here. Stay down there. Yes? You watch them. - That looks very heavy for you, darling. - Fuck off. - Why don't you put it down? - Why don't you shut up? - A little girl playing games with guns. - I ain't no little girl. Shut up! - You are shaking. - Fuck off! - Look at your arm. - Fuck off! - Put it down. - Why don't you listen to me? - Sit down! - Fuck off! Baby, baby, baby, baby! Come here. Come here. Baby, calm down, calm down. This will not be the end of this, Mr Duke, believe me. Gazza, go and load them pills. But he got unlucky because this lot are wanted for fucking war crimes. Mass murder, ethnic cleansing. They're lunatics. They're wanted by the United fucking Nations. Think about that. Let's get this clear. Duke has absolutely sweet fuck-all to do with us, understand? Everyone in Amsterdam believes that he has. - Bandied your names about. - What? Word on the straat is they've unleashed their top boy. His name is... His party piece, right, is lopping people's heads off then fetching them back to his boss. It's all about honour and respect with these head-banging nationalist outfits. They can't have it getting about that anybody has took liberties with them. But we had nothing to do with the acquiring of said merchandise. OK, we accept that. But with you lot up here punting this shipment, how does it look? Bad. You do know that we're only talking pennies an article? - Stolen goods. - You won't want them, then. Sit down, lah. Let's not be too hasty. Me and him need to have a little think. Don't think too long. Someone's gonna make a killing on these pills. They already have. That's the problem, kidder. That prick Duke's made us look a bunch of fucking amateurs. I told you he was trouble. But he ain't gonna drag me down with him. Try Gene again. What a fucking show-up! - He's not answering, Mort. - OK. Try Jimmy at home. - You sure? - Will you fucking ring him? - Where are we going, Morty? - Back to that boat-yard. - Somebody's about to get a fucking slap. - Yes, Morty. About fucking time. Paul? What a way to go. An iron burning a hole in your chest until your heart boils. Paulie would've told him anything, then, wouldn't he? You see, that's what happens when you do business with loons. Clarkie, have a sniff about. Make some phone calls, but really quietly. Find out where the Duke's holed up. We're gonna need an insurance policy. What's the fucking idea of phoning me at home and leaving messages, you prick! - Jimmy, it was an emergency. - Don't fucking call me Jimmy! And what's the idea of telling Duke those pills ain't worth shit? You don't know the problems you've caused. And don't be leaving it to that pair of Ponces, Cody and Tiptoes, to find that bitch Charlie. I fucking told you to do it! Are you listening? Find a buyer for those pills. The person moving those pills met a nasty end. I don't give a fuck! - That was quick. - The gaff is rotten in there. - Kinky's still here, isn't he? - Didn't Tiptoes tell you? Tell me what? Have you let him go? No, I haven't. He's in here. Kinky. I still want to be paid. So, if I'm correct, you three gearheads are gonna be clucking very soon. In fact, you're gonna be climbing the walls any minute, aren't you? But I'm prepared to do you a favour. We can do this one of two ways. We can do it the nice way, which I think you'll prefer. Because the other way is my friend takes you and puts your head through the window! Right, so, was Charlie here with Kinky? Yeah, she was here for a couple of days. Kinky turned up with five grand. - Who's giving Kinky five grand? - We don't know. They kept arguing. She was saying, Do you think it's that easy taking the five grand? But she was still caning the rocks. Where is she now? Brighton. She kept begging Kinky to go with her. The other night, I hears this noise. I'm looking out there. It's dark. But I sees this geezer all in black. It's like something out of a kung-fu film. - Pay no attention to him. He's a nutter. - Shut the fuck up. And you, fucking tell him now. What geezer? I don't know. I goofed out myself. The next morning, she's gone and Kinky's dead. You telling me that somebody's topped Kinky? Kinky overdosed. He always was a greedy fucker. I saw it with my own eyes, man. You smoke too much of that fucking crack! Shut the fuck up! - You twat! - Shut the fuck up! Get the fucking money! Morty! Morty! This is dodgy. That kid's talking about murder. He's talking shit. Get to Brighton and finish the job. - It all smells a bit fishy. - I'll double your money. - All right. And ten G for finding Kinky. - That wasn't the fucking deal. - Yes or no? - Yes. Hello. Ambulance, please. 185 Kirby House, Kings Cross. There's a dead boy. The door's open. My name...? 185 Kirby House. I'm not happy. This shit is out of control. You sort it out or I'll sort you out. Morty, Kinky OD'd, that's all. Charlie woke up, found him cold, freaked out, fucked off down to Brighton. Cody's gonna find her. Look, I'm gonna freshen these teas up. They're cold. Morty? Is that you? Where you been hiding, then, eh? Fucking hell. What you doing down this neck of the woods? Hello, Freddie. So... ...Mr Mortimer. Here, Morty, couldn't spare us a few quid, for old times' sake? You look well flush, uv. Fuck me, he's loaded. Here, couldn't make it five, could you... ...mate? - Let's make it ten. - Yeah. Ten's... ...a nice... ...round number. What's the matter? What's happening? Been away? Yeah. Ten fucking years. Going off? Or do you need a red light? Stop, Morty. Enough. He's had enough. - I'll tell you when he's had enough. - What the fuck is this? But let's forget about all that. Let's have a cup of tea, Mr Hurst. What the fuck? I'm sorry about that. I won't be around for a while. - It's me. - Hey. Come on up. I'll leave the door open. - How's your day been so far? - Very fucking funny. Have you eaten? I'll have a Chinky sent up. No, I'm fine, thank you. Gene, who the fuck is Freddie? He used to run with me, Morty and Jimmy in this real kamikaze firm. In those days, we were headed up by this guy called Crazy Larry. Yeah. Got shot, didn't he? Bit of a lunatic. That's an understatement. They were a spun-out bunch. Always doing loads of drugs. - Not worried about keeping a low profile. - I love you. Turn over anyone who couldn't go to the law. No fucking problem. Boys will be boys. Until one of them, Kilburn Jerry... ...shoots himself stone dead. This is a bit of a dilemma. This desperate posse can't call the law or an ambulance. Morty, out of some mad fucking sense of loyalty, actually volunteered to dispose of the body. No head. But things went a bit wrong. The guy Larry told to help him was Freddie Hurst. The total imbecile had fallen asleep at some traffic lights in a drunk en, drug-induced stupor. Morty was still shut up in the van with the headless body of Kilburn Jerry. Being black was even worse than being Irish. They threw the book at Morty. Freddie got three years for aiding and abetting. Morty did ten years because Freddie Hurst fell asleep? But he kept his mouth shut. Did his bird. Earned a lot of respect for that. All because some kid was being ridden against his will by a psychotic lunatic. - Who? - But you, you fuck! Larry. - Crazy Larry was gay. - He was never gay. - Larry used to say... - Fucking females is for puffs. So who shot Crazy Larry? A boyfriend? Probably. Larry made enemies very easy. Took liberties with too many straight lads. Not for me. Listen, son. Let me explain something to you. Freddie's in intensive care with a bit of a ain haemorrhage. You were there at the scene. That's called joint venture. Now, if Freddie dies, you're either in the dock with Morty or you're in the witness box putting him away. Think about that. You know, I will have one of those. - All right, fellas? - Where's Duke? - I don't know. - What do you mean? - I don't know. I thought he was here. - Well, go and fucking find him. He's probably having a night out while us mugs babysit these. Gene, what the fuck am I gonna do about these Serbs? Come here. I have something for you. - You're gonna need one of these. - Fuck me, Gene. I fucking hope not. Are you trying to scare the shit out of me? I mean, I fucking hate guns. Although that one is really pretty. Is that Second World War? Hey, point it upwards. Oh, for fuck's sake. Here, let me see if it's loaded. You look like you could do that blindfolded. I can and I do. I find it very relaxing. Good for meditation. Meditation is concentrating the front of the mind with a mundane task so the rest of the mind can find peace. And you find peace with guns. Well, on occasion. It has been known. Listen. I know it's not your thing. But if you ever have to kill somebody, never, ever tell a living soul. - Who is this? - My name is Dragan. How did you get this number? Boatman Paul gave me your number, in the end. I believe you have some property that belongs to my employer, and you're the person I should talk to about the return of this cargo, stolen by your associate, the Duke. Dragan, the Duke is nothing to do with me. Mr Duke came to Amsterdam, used your name, said he work ed for you. - Are you listening? - Dragan... I've got an idea. Why don't you come round for eakfast? I'll squeeze some orange juice and we'll talk about this like adults. - How does that sound? - Sounds very hospitable. - Do you know where I live? - No. Well, fuck off, then. Duke's gone missing. He's a fucking liability. The pigs are everywhere. This was meant to be easy. No sweat. Calm down, Gazza. I'm sure Duke's just fine. Well, you've got 48 hours to find a buyer or I'm sending 'em back, OK? Now, listen. Don't do anything stupid, Gazza. It ain't worth the grief. We've gone underground, off the radar. Nothing personal, but I don't trust you. Listen, I just had a phone call from Gazza. Being a cry-baby. Threatening to offload those pills in 48 hours. Between you and that gobshite Duke, he's promised Jimmy a bumper pay-day. - So get busy. - I said to Jimmy I'd try and... He put yous together. You and Duke. That's his job. If you two can't make music, he's gonna want his whack out either way. That's business. - I hope you put this Dragan straight. - Yeah. I told him to fuck off. What? Please tell me you're fucking joking. Well, I am beginning to regret it now. We've got to find the Duke, find these fucking pills. We can't rely on these monkeys to call Gene. We've looked everywhere. There's no sign. You can't find any of his firm? Maybe this Dragan geezer's already found the Duke and done the business. Yeah, well, there is someone I can call. Keep looking. Wait. You're gonna leave it to us? This Dragan geezer is phoning me. I am the target. And if we don't find the Duke, this, everything, all over. - It's me. Sidney's mate. - Oh, hiya. - What took you so long to call? - I've been busy. - You sound sleepy. You just woken up? - Not long ago. - So when am I gonna see you? - What are you doing now? Nothing. No, I was just lying in bed, wondering what to do. - You still in bed? - Yeah. - You lying there naked? - I've got a little T-shirt on. But that's all. Here, wait, listen to this. What's that? I was just rubbing the phone against my fanny. Did you like it? My, oh my, it's fresh this morning. Look at my nipples, standing up like little soldiers. What is a girl to do? Tammy, why don't we meet up now? I'll book a table for lunch. St Martin's Hotel. Don't worry about a table. We'll have room service. - Yeah, OK. - One hour. Hang on. Oh, shit. Oh, leave it off, Sidney. He's driving me fucking mad. - We're not expecting Sidney, are we? - He's too busy kissing Duke's arse. Not round here, I hope. No, over by Greenwich market. So you can relax. It's just the two of us. Patience. All good things come to those who wait. Stay put. Hello, it's me. It's me. Shut up and listen. Sidney, Duke's nephew is working down by Greenwich Market. Go and look. - Room service. - Look for that yellow Range Rover. OK. - Your champagne, sir. - I didn't order... One moment, Mr Troop. I want to hear what this bastard has to say for himself. I'm Jimmy's old colleague, Eddie Temple. - Fuck! - He told you to locate my daughter. Hunt her down like some lost mongrel. He said you asked for his help. Mr Troop could find anyone on the planet in ten minutes flat. If you'd laid a finger on my daughter, you'd be over the edge like that. You'd join that shit, Kinky, who thought he could take my five grand and fuck me over. The audacity. How fucking dare you? I've known Jimmy Price for 45 years. It pays me to keep an eye on him. Do you know what a remora fish is? - Yes. - Oh, you do? Well, Jimmy has been swimming in my slipstream all my fucking life. I thought he might put some volatile psychopath on the job. But I've checked you out, son. You're a smart boy. But you keep very, very bad company. You know, I host a charity golf tournament every year. Quite an event in the social calendar, if I do say so myself. I like to invite Jimmy. Some of my friends find him absurdly hilarious. Drinks are on me. Drinks for everyone. Champagne. Fucking good gear and all. But I've come unstuck in my attempts to provide a spectacle for my chums. Jimmy, as usual on the look out for titbits, has met the development minister of some tin-pot republic. They're trawling the West for investments. They have vast natural resources. Quite an investment for the right man. They've sent in men from Timbuktu explaining all the details. Profits, shares, long-term investments, short-term investments. They've even made him an honorary citizen. Even made him one of the tribe. What we didn't know, until it all ended in tears, was that the hard-line communist insurgents who control the country outside the mining areas... Bad news about our little venture, Jim. The communists have oken through. Heading for the capital with little resistance. What the fuck are you on about? I got word they were planning a push. The final coup de grâce. I told Jimmy. - It's all over. - Fuck's sake! - Keep your voice down. - Get my money out quick, now. As if it was some little kiddie's piggy bank. Now, I explained that wasn't possible. We thought we'd bought a government. Maybe someone made a better offer. Forget about it. You win some, you lose some. How much are we talking? It's only a cheeky half-mill, Jim. - It's much more than that. - How much? - 13. - 13 what? - 13 million pounds. I'm fucked. - Have you gone fucking mad? 13 million pounds! How could you be so fucking stupid? You've been right grafted, royally turned over. - Like some Yank buying London Bridge. - Don't talk to me like that. He accused me of instigating it. It's no coincidence I met them at your tournament. Are you fucking demented? Asked me to fly to Zurich to see the minister, still parked up in La Maison Grande, still eating well. Big fat fucker. On little Jimmy's nest egg. Jimmy thought he'd keep Charlotte hostage while you went to get his money. Little Jimmy was so stupid, he thought he couldn't lose either way. I'm sorry, what? If you find Charlotte, he's got his hostage. If I find you trying to find her, I do his dirty work. - I'm still not with you. - Your lives are inextricably linked. I've found out something very interesting about Jimmy, something I've long suspected. But I'll let Jimmy explain. You follow me. You've no doubt suffered Jimmy's CID was geezers you was at school with routine? The other chap's Albert Carter. Another twisted bastard from the old neighbourhood. Member of the Regional Crime Squad. Sit back, relax and enjoy. It ain't like your lot in the old days. - They've all gone squeaky. - Tell me about it, Jim. I have to box clever with those college boys from Anti-Corruption. - Fucking dogs. Slags. Ten grand? - It's the going rate, Jim. Ten K. Hardly seems worth the bother. Well, there's only so much in those informer funds. What about Gene? Does he suspect anything? What? About me working for the old firm? Listen. Gene... ...is too loyal for his own good. - I don't fucking believe it. - You better believe it. - 'Cause it's fucking happening. - Where did you get this? Mr Troop made it for me. - It's one of his little hobbies. - I don't fucking believe it. Don't you want to hear what Jimmy has to say about you? I've got one for you. Pluck ed and ready for the pot. - Just give us a name and he's gone. - In time. I don't want a bunce. I want him out of the way. Flash young runt. One of the new eed, ain't he? Reckons he can just waltz off into retirement. I want him away for 12. If he's got a kilo of class A, he's looking at double figures. - I'll put it there myself. - Sounds personal. He's got a few quid. He'll come in handy. I set him up with that slippery accountant in the first place. Fucking rag-head let slip, didn't he? You will miss him when he's gone, Mr Price. Is that you, the flash runt who thinks he's retiring? You'd no idea what Jimmy was up to? How do you think these fuckers earn a living? I would've thought a smart young man like you would know that already. - Can I have that? - Mr Troop. Thank you. This looks like you, son. Smart part of town. I'll keep an eye open. Must dash off. Get home. Wash and ush up. Opera tonight. The Damnation of Faust. Man sells his soul to the devil. All ends in tears. These arrangements usually do. One more thing, young man. Always remember, the art of good business is being a good middleman. Bye-bye. Fuck! - I've got him. - Got who? Sidney, remember? Yellow Range Rover? Seems they sent our friend out for something to eat. Good. Tell Morty. - So what do we do now? - Call Morty. Shut up and listen. No more insults, no more games. If I do not get my cargo back, you're a dead man. Dragan, I've been doing some checking. - I've found out who you represent. - Good. I can point you towards your boss's merchandise. - Come to my hotel... - Look... - I'd rather meet you in a public place. - You have nothing to fear. - I'm a reasonable man. - That's not what I've heard. I'll meet you at... I'll meet you at Greenwich Park Observatory. - Any taxi will drop you off. - I can read a map. - Tomorrow. Midday. - Tomorrow at 12. I'll be there. That's rude, Mr Dragan. It's Conditions Red down there. They're didgy as fuck. They haven't moved from that lock-up. Have a look at the geezer at the front, on the door. I know him from somewhere. This could get messy. What about the blokes in red? Mechanics. They got a ringing coup going on. The lorries come in one colour, go out another. But they're nothing to do with the Duke. - Fuck me, look who it isn't. - Who's that? It doesn't matter. I've got work to do. - Stay here. Those pills move, call me. - You got it. - Day and night, Terry. - What do you mean night? - I've been here all day. Get Clarkie. - Day and fucking night. Got it? Hello, young man. Thank you for coming at such short notice. I hope you didn't feel too summoned. How are you? I'm in the best of health, Mr Temple. Thank you for asking. - How are you keeping? - I'm very well. - How was the performance of Faust? - Complex. No wonder it took him 60 years to write it. How's the family? What is this? A vicar's tea party? You do sometimes take your conversations away with you. Being a clever bastard, are we? - How do I know you're not wired up? - Well, I'm not. Then we'll have to trust each other, won't we? Sit down. I've been thinking, after our chat the other day. Your pills. How much for the lot? No, I've already got a buyer. Nearly took my hand off. He's putting the money together now. I told you, lah. I'm still thinking. It's only been three days. What's the fucking hurry? - What's he paying? - It's confidential. Don't be an idiot. Let me match his offer. They've got history. Bad juju. And, anyway, this Serbian maniac's in hot pursuit. If I sold them to you, I'd have to disappoint him. And he is definitely not... I did you a big fucking favour letting you know about Jimmy. I think you owe me. 2˝ million in sterling and euros, high-denomination used notes. So if I gave you three million, that would keep everyone happy. Let me state my position. You can sell these pills to whoever you like. That's your privilege. That's your business. But I'll tell you, I'll be very, very unhappy if you don't sell 'em to me. You understand? OK, Mr Temple. Three million. Done. - My buyer's not gonna be happy, though. - Fuck him. He'll get over it. I'm gonna need some help. Someone who can eliminate the problem. Someone who's a bit handy. Whoa! Slow down, kidder. Mr Lucky does a drop of freelance work. I don't need to know. It's none of my business. You tell him when, and he'll come down on the train. Thanks, Trev. Excuse me. Mr Temple. You deliver them to my warehouse. When do I get my consignment? Monday. No, Tuesday, probably. Tuesday? I'm paying over the odds, remember? England! Typical. Even drug dealers don't work weekends. That's good news. That should cheer Gene up. Yeah, everything's under control. - Cody's been chasing his ten grand. - Yeah. I'll call him later. - Hey, Geno, what's up? - Got some good news. Oh, yeah? What's that? - You murdering bastard! - Open the fucking door! - Stay out of this, Morty. - Gene! - Murder? Who's dead? - Jimmy. He killed him. Blew his fucking head away. - Open this fucking door! - Why? Open this fucking door! - Get off him. - No, listen, listen. Just listen. Listen to me, Morty. I got a call from a cozzer we've got bent. They found Jimmy's body last night. In his own backyard. It was this sly bastard. He's no killer. Somebody's made a mistake. All right, look. Here. We'll see. Read it. Read it out loud. To senior ranks only. Murder Squad investigation. James Lionel Price. Read the fucking ballistics report. Preliminary ballistics report. No arms recovered. Disintegrated on impact. One recovered cartridge casing. You forgot to take the cartridge case. You got sloppy. ...consistent with weapon used in unsolved homicide of Lawrence Gower aka Crazy Larry Flynn. Wait. I got it. Whoever killed Crazy Larry must've killed Jimmy. No, no. The gun. The fucking gun was the same. The one he stole from my flat. - You killed Crazy Larry? - So? - This fucker killed Jimmy. - Oh, Jesus Christ! - Why did you do it? - He was an informer. - He was a police informer! - Jimmy a grass? Are you fucking mad? - You'll have to do better than that. - I've got a recording at home. Of Jimmy and a cozzer called Albie Carter. Gene, let's listen to this shit. If he's lying, we'll both fucking kill him. Mr Mortimer reckons the Tylers are inging in shooters from Jamaica via Manchester. They got someone in Immigration straightened out. I don't think anybody gives a fuck about spades shooting spades. Don't you care about dead darkies, Albert? What about Gene? Does he suspect anything? What? About me working for the old firm? Convinced? You don't fuck about, do you? Jimmy was skint, huh? That's why he set up the whole Amsterdam business with Duke. I really think we should keep all of this to ourselves, right? Really? Why did you kill Larry? Funnily enough, it was Jimmy who persuaded me. Jimmy never liked Larry. Look at that wrong 'un waving his money around. It ain't right. Hey, I love you, man. He saw the future was drugs and it needed to be run like a business. Crazy Larry was no fucking businessman. After that business with Kilburn Jerry... That's it, son. You do him. Bollocks! ...he wanted him gone. I didn't have any problem doing him. That's why I did it. But why did you keep the gun? Sounds silly now, but it was my favourite. I hope you don't tell the other guns you've got favourites. So what's the next move, boss? Well, I'm going to bed. I don't know what you two are doing. We can talk about it tomorrow. Sorry? Sorry, mate, what was that? Would you pack that in? I've got a fucking test next week. OK. OK, I'm sorry. I was just saying... So when does the target get here, then? The target? The target's gonna be here at exactly midday. Where? - Here, right fucking here. - Got a photo? - Don't worry about it. - Who's worried? I'll have some binoculars. I'll give you a little signal. I could get the 13.10 home from here. Let's have a little recce. After we do the business, walk slowly back. Remember, it's a stroll in the park. Don't run, whatever you do. The first five minutes, nobody'll have a clue what's going on. Hopefully, it'll be mayhem. So try to stay relaxed. Don't do anything to draw attention to yourself. Or me. Afterwards, take me to the Underground station. I'll look after myself. There. Time? Six minutes to twelve. I hope he's not gonna be late. - Maybe he'll be early. - That'll be nice. Can you see that guy on the left? - Big fella, marching up the hill. - That's our man. - Are you sure? - For fuck's sake. I'm gonna call him. It's up to you. You're the client. - As soon as he answers, he's gone, OK? - Okey-dokey. Stand by. Now. Hello, may I help you? Don't move a muscle. - Do I have your attention? - Yes. You English, you have no idea of honour and respect. I usually kill for less. I want my cargo and the Duke. I haven't got your pills. Just give me a day. Don't piss in my pock et and tell me it's raining. Now listen for the last time. - You'll ing me what is mine. - Look, I don't... Jesus! You have one more day. See you tomorrow at dusk by the statue. Remember, I will be watching you. What the fuck were you thinking? Getting Trevor's man down here to shoot this Serb in a park! Trevor's gonna go ballistic. Now, what the fuck do I tell him? - What a fucking mess. - You've gone mad. - Think you're a gangster? - Fuck off! You want to play? You do it somewhere else. If you do it near me, I'll put you in a fucking wheelchair. Stick to your fucking sums. Listen. Listen to me. Dragan's killed Paul. He's done the Duke. He's just put a bullet between Lucky's eyes. I was there! He's watching our every move. Who's next, me? - I wish. - Fuck off! It could've been you or Morty. Dragan said he wanted the pills and the Duke. Where's the Duke? What? I should've told you this earlier. Duke and Slasher came by the office the other day. Paul the boatman was topped last night. I've got to get on my toes sharpish. I want Jimmy ought here right now, yeah? Getting that smug fucking yuppie bastard to tell Duke those pills were useless, after sending us over in the first place. Hang on, you've lost me now. If you have us over, I swear by fucking almighty God, I'll call the fucking law. - What are you talking about? - I'll call the law. She didn't mean that. She's upset. Shut the fuck up! That's where playing at being a gangster gets you. You're not in there 'cause I like you. I'm beginning to feel left out. Why? Freddie Hurst is still in intensive care after your jolly little reunion the other day. Fucking hell, Duke. For once, you might be of some use. That was Gazza on the phone. It's on. He'll pick you up at nine in the morning. Gallows Corner. You know it? Yeah. With Jimmy gone, these pills will make a nice contribution to my retirement fund, so don't fuck things up again, OK? If you do, you'll wish this Dragan had shot you between the eyes, understand? Best of luck. Thanks. Fuck off! Sidney, I've told you, stop answering my phone, OK? - Who was it? - Wrong number. - All right? - Hello, Sidney. - How you doing, then? - I'm all right. How are you? I'm all right, mate, yeah. Gazza, this place stinks. We want to get you out of here. 50 pence a pill. That way, we all come out with something. - I think they're worth more than that. - This is a reality check. Paul's dead, Jimmy's dead. Duke and Slasher, fuck knows where they are. This gear is knock-off, and the Serbs you nicked it from, they'd kill you like you'd take a piss. Gazza, the Old Bill are outside! - Gazza, no! - Go, go, go! - Let's have it! - Don't point that gun at me. - Put it down! - We're going in! Gazza, look at me. Put it down. You're gonna get us all shot. Fuck it! Boat! Stay there! Fuck! Come on! - Gazza, wait! - Fucking hurry up, then! Get in. Is this for me? Yes. Your cargo's gone, I'm afraid. - It was seized by... - I know already. - How do you know? - I watched. I don't believe this. Captain's gonna go fucking spare! We are in shit. You lot have fucked up again. Oh, fucking hell. Leave it to me, lads. I'll explain to Inspector Cox that his suspect has scarpered 'cause of your blundering. Knobheads. Helmets off. Does this settle things, then? Tango Foxtrot, over. Delta Uniform... How did that other errand go? Success, as far as I could make out. Where is my fucking prisoner? - You old ladies couldn't catch a cold. - Sir, I just... Shut up, you soppy wanker. - Indigo... - Dingo Bongo. - Is this area now secure? - Yes, sir. You can fuck off, then. So where are the pills, genius? I think this is them now. What the fuck? - Couldn't leave this behind. - Greenies. You are in the wrong game. You should work with us. - Are we square? - Yeah, we're sweet. It seems so. Your pills are in the back. Help yourself. Hello. OK. Yes, I will do. Bye-bye. You're off the hook, Morty. Freddie Hurst is out of his coma. Good news. - Yeah. - Good news, mate. Listen, I've got one for you. Irishman caught his son snorting charlie. He said, If I catch you doing that again, I'll rub your fucking nose in it. - Do you have the pills? - In the cars. Boss wants to see you in his office. Come in. Sit down. Here you are. Payment. - You look shocked, son. - Are you taking the fucking piss? You and Jimmy have caused my little angel Charlotte considerable anxiety. She's off to Arizona for a course of intense treatment. I'm keeping those pills for myself, by way of compensation. I think I'm entitled. Simple. End of. The amount of trouble you've caused the last few days. Jimmy. Poor little Jimmy. It would be in your interests if this thing finishes here, now, today. Understand? It doesn't matter what I do. This lot are gonna come after you. They're too long in the tooth to rampage round the country, looking for revenge. Look at 'em. Bunch of under-endowed, ageing fuck pigs. Are you enjoying this? No. On the contrary. Take it as a compliment. You're a ight young man. This monkey business is in your blood, under your skin. You're not getting out, you're just getting in. I've every faith in you. One day, it will be you sitting here telling some young Turk the facts of life. And they are, Mr Temple? You're born, you take shit. Get out in the world, you take more shit. Climb a little higher, you take less shit. Until one day, you're up in the rarefied atmosphere, and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son. This thing ends here, tonight. You understand? Drug money's easy money, not grief. The odds, as you can see, are against you. Goodnight. If you're gonna hang around in this game, that's where you've got to be. In your bonded warehouse with the ex-soldiers doing the dirty work, while you deliver the suspect lecture to baffle your opponents and cover your tracks. The art of good business is being a good middleman. Putting people together. I'll always thank Eddie for telling me that. It's all about honour and respect. This is the end, Mr Duke, as I told you. Do you know what? I fucking enjoyed that, other. Just like the old days, Shanks. A nice bit of armed robbery. All right? Where do you want the money sent, lah? I'll let you know as soon as I do. Again, I am sorry about Lucky. Don't worry about it, kidder. Man was a prick, anyway. Later. - Ready? - Yeah. Let's go. Did I really think Eddie was gonna give me three million for those pills? Did I fuck. But suddenly there was avoid where once there was Jimmy Price. And after a couple of days, Eddie's little getting-in-and-getting-out speech started to make sense. - Angelo. Thank you. - Thank you very much. - Can we get some privacy? - Of course. The king is dead. Long live the king. Well, I'm honoured. But for me this is all over. I'm getting out. What was true then is true now. Have a plan. Stick to it. So I'm sure you must have lots to discuss, but I have no business being here. I've got someone to meet. Adiós, amigos. Paul the boatman. Kinky. The Duke. Slasher. Kilburn Jerry. Crazy Larry. Mr Lucky. Troop. Jimmy. I don't want to add my name to that list. My name? If you knew that, you'd be as clever as me. No! I'm sorry.

DRAGON BLADE Your eath stinks! Oh no! Always expect the unexpected. Never be afraid to improvise. Yes, Sifu. Hey, get off me! Ari! Ari! Ari, didn't you go to school today? Hey, sis. What's for dinner tonight? I've only just come back, it'd be awhile before there's dinner. Why didn't you go to school today? Uh, why? I... didn't feel like it. School's boring! Ari, it's been a long time since mom and dad died. Do you still need me to take care of you all day? You're a big boy now. Why can't you behave? Alright, alright! I'm sorry, OK? When do we eat? I'm starving! All you do is eat and play! That's not true! I sleep a lot, too! Then go play some more or take a nap. It's not dinner time yet. I still have to sort out these herbs I picked today. I wish mom and dad were still alive. Yummy! Ari, no! Et in Arcadia ego... Master, what kind of creature is this? Yes, what kind of creature you are? Him do tell! What? You mean this thing can talk? One day walking in the mountains I was... When Help! Help! This creature cry I heard. Save him I did, but now not a word he speaks. Liar! You lied to me! You told me you'd give me some food, but instead you put me in a cage! Where Arcadia is, tell me! Me do tell, and flying lead me there! You mean Arcadia's a real place? The day him I captured, from there it is he himself said. Now you admit you captured me, do you? You're not going to get anything out of me! Master Wu, help! My other Ai's hurt himself! Et in Arcadia ego a thousand times write out. Attend a patient I must, so yourselves behave! What seems the problem to be? He fell and hurt himself. Is it serious? Serious or not, my diagnosis will show. You're from Arcadia? So Arcadia is a real place? Then the legends about the DragonBlade are true too? Sure! My Sifu left a few years ago to seek the DragonBlade. There's been no word from him since. I wonder how he is now. Your Sifu? Yeah. The DragonBlade is hidden in a secret place full of deadly traps... and terrible monsters. If you haven't heard from you Sifu for so long, I'm afraid he's probably had it! Even if you get past all the traps and monsters, there's still a final test you must pass, before you can obtain the DragonBlade. What sort of test? How should I know? I never tried it myself! Oh, Sifu... Move over! What sort of doctor are you? You call this healing? But healed the patient is... Of energy how full he is, see? Maste Wu! Master Wu! Are you alright? Check out Ying Ying! What a babe! Yeah! Babelicious or what? Hey guys, cut it out! My wall! What doing are you? It's not as bad as it looks... My fairy bird! Where my fairy is? Is this what you're looking for? Yes! Yes! Good thing tempered steel the bars are, very strong! Sure, the bars are really strong; too bad about the bottom! Thanks for busting me out, kid! Watch this! Hey, what's your name? My name's Bali Ba! Got to go. Catch you later! Hey, how do to find you? Just sing Bali Bali Bali Ba... Picking herbs with you is quite fun! Am I good, or am I good? Behave yourself, Ari. You're always fooling around! Hey sis, check this out! Ari, no! Ari! Ari... Ari... Tell me what can I do? Sis! Sis! Ari! Hang on! I'm coming! Sis! Come on! Ari! Look out! Look out! Lang! I didn't mean to get you! What are you laughing at, you stupid fairy bird! Oh no, Master Wu's going to kill me! Ari, are you alright? I'm alright. What sort o place is this? I don't know. Can this be that legendary place... Arcadia? Ari! Where are you going? Don't run around! Yummy! What doing are you? Kill me o you want? But this is traditional Chinese massage! Leave him like this! No! At once to normal restore me! Up you shut! Much better now I feel! My turn! I want a massage! Master Wu! My other's sick! You must go see him! But aches and pains I have, far I cannot go! No problem! I'll carry you. Your dream girl sure smells good! Of course she does! She's a girl! That fragrance sure seems familiar... You want a piece of me? Stop it! That hurts! Some friend you are! You should be talking! She's my girl! What, worried I'll steal her from you? I'd rather steal one who can fly! Aren't you carrying Master Wu to see her other? Oh, right! That fragrance... it's the Night Fruit! How is he, Master Wu? He'll be fine. Master Wu will cure him. Very strange it is, very strange! First his nose, now his belly. What next, I wonder? That was close! Master, look out! Fine I am! Caught it I have... ...not?! Get down! Fine everything now is. Get up, everyone! Thanks. Thank you! I'm sure Ari's going to be fine! Thanks for coming. Bye! More time I need... further diagnosis... Strange, never seen this have I... Thank you! Goodbye! My nose! Miss Ying Ying! Very strangely Ying Ying behaved. Think so do you not, Lang? Clearly speak up! How teach you, do I? What happening is? Gone mad, have you? Frogs! I hate frogs! J umps at shadows, a real man does not! J umps at shadows... a real man does not! Didn't you say, jumps at shadows a real man does not? Bali Bali Ba! What are you Ba ing about? I'm trying to get Bali Ba to come help us! Bali Bali Ba! Why isn't it working? Mad at you, perhaps he is. What's that? So scare! Monster! Sheriff, we've got something major! A monster is smashing up the town! Did you see it for yourself? I saw it with my own eyes! The monster's really huge! He smashed up everything, and then went into the grain stores! OK! Let's go! Wait! You! Surrender immediately! Or there'll be... trouble! Come on, pig. Make my day! Your money... or your life! What... take my wife, please! Life! I said, your money or you life! Life? Life! Life! Who wants the wife? On the floor, you dog official! Take ibes again and you're dead! Thief! Help! Thief! Thief! Thief! My chickens! My chickens! Thief! Dad! Mom! Son! I'm so glad you're home safe and sound! I was so worried you'd run into the Boar King! Boar King? Could it be the monster we saw? You saw the Boar King? Yeah. I can't believe that Lang! Ganging up with that girl against me! Look, sis! Something's fallen from the sky! It's gold! Has heaven taken pity on us? Heaven? Thank you! Thank you! How cold it have come to this? What kind of Sheriff are you? I've been robbed in my own official residence! Preposterous! What have you got to say for yourself? Nothing. I want you to sort this all out! Understand? You take care of this Boar King! And you take care of this Night Thief! Or else... or else I'll... Just catch them! I don't care how, just catch them! Yes sir! Get out of my sight! Preposterous! Everyone's useless around here! Why would this Boar King appear all of a sudden? If word gets around, I'll be a laughing stock! Don't fret yourself so, My Lord. The Boar King, the Night Thief... they're nothing. Masu's the one who's long been a thorn in your side. This is a good chance to get rid of him. Get rid of him? The troops are totally loyal to him! How? Fire him? I'll have a mutiny on my hands! Lord Ko, what if he were to resign voluntarily? Bali Bali Ba! Bali Ba! I thought we were buddies! I apologize, OK? Friends don't bear grudges! Hey, fancy getting the DragonBlade? Look! Come check it out! Everything's fresh, take your pick! Bali Ba! What are you doing here? Can't you see? Martial tournament, top fighters wanted; to serve and protect, attractive salary? What has that to do with you being in a cage? Read the small print, you idiot! I'm the special prize for the tournament champion! They say all of China's op fighters will be here! The prize money's beside the point; the winner gets this fairy bird. Which can tell you how to find the DragonBlade! If I find the invincible DragonBlade, Then even I can be tournament champion! Idiot! If you have the Blade, why bother competing? The point of competing is to get the DragonBlade! Oh, right! It's all your fault! My fault? If you hadn't left me and run off with that girl, they wouldn't have captured me so easily! How can you blame me? OK! Just tell me this! Are you entering the tournament or not? You think I've got a chance? You're the only chance I have! Anyone else wins, and I'll be tortured... for info on the DragonBlade! So tell me how to find the DragonBlade, Then I'll win the tournament for sure! No way! How can I do something like that? I can't tell you just so I can save myself! You must rely on yourself in the tournament! So, what should I do? You really are an idiot! Get yourself in shape for the tournament! Hup two! Train! Train! Train! Three four! Push! Push! Push! Hup two three four! Train! Push! Train! Push! What are we waiting for? Let's begin! I'll announce it straight away. Friends! Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome! I declare our martial arts tournament... open! Thank you! Thank you! He first match: Lang versus... Iron Fist! Spirits of our ancestors, please protect my son! Boards don't hit back. Victory! You can open your eyes now. It's over. Is he... badly hurt? Beaten to a pulp! No, no! I meant the other guy! Lang's fine1 He won! My son won! My son won! Mom! Victory! That's my boy... My boy's the champion! Yes indeed, and my student he is too! His kid's pretty good. How does he compare to you, sheriff? Lord Ko, you want me to fight the boy? How else will we know who's the best? But if you lose... I'll take early retirement! Ladies and gentlemen! A bonus match! Who will be the ultimate victor? Our surprise of the day, the young winner so far... Lang! Versus a new challenger, our town sheriff, the might and magnificent... Masu! Attendants! To add to the challenge for this final round, We prepared a special... Spears and Chains Formation! Lang! Catch! What is it? It's a weapon! A weapon? A toothpick, against that? Trust me! Give up! Sorry, kid. Come on! Let's finish this! There's no need. It's over. I've lost. My Lord! Where's my prize? Please release him! Release him? That's right! Congratulations! What a fight! That's to this thing! What is it? It's called the Wood Spirit Sword. It's yours now! I can't possibly accept such a valuable gift! How do I take it off? You know how once you get certain things, you can never get rid of them again? What are you saying? The Wood Spirit Sword is like that. Once you put it on, it never comes off! That's not so bad! This thing gives you total protection! It's uncomfortable! Real men don't wear this stuff! That's what you think! You'll understand when you get older. You'll get used to wearing it eventually. Get it off me, OK? Quit joking! You think this is some kind of joke? I... I just... I give you the Wood Spirit Sword in all sincerity, and you treat it as a joke? Who do you think you are? I give you a great gift, and you think it's trash? That's it! I've had it! Calm down... I'm out of here! I didn't mean... Out of my way! Bali Ba! Wait! You're on your own, pal! To serve and protect! Lord Ko's ordered all the men protect himself, Leaving only us to catch the monster and the thief! Good thing they only come out at night, otherwise we' be on patrol at all hours! Lang, you had to beat all of us to get that fairy bird. Why did you set it free? Bali Ba's my friend. I entered the tournament to save him, not to get the DragonBlade. This thing's really itchy! Hey, what's that? It's gone over there! Look! It's the Night Thief! Hey! Wait for me! That feels good! What happened? Ying Ying? Ying Ying. Did you catch the Night Thief? My friend Ying Ying's unconscious! Good grief! Of all the rotten luck! The Boar King! Shum... Shum. Good thing I practice Iron Head kung fu! I am Iron Head! Shum. Ying Ying! Going to be fine, he is. What happened? We bumped into the Boar King. It beat up Shum and took away Ying Ying! Why are all those people queuing outside? Because of you it is that they came. Because of me? When the tournament you won, famous I became too! Queuing up they are, my students to become! Great! They can help me find Ying Ying! What about the town troops? Not help, can they? Help how? They're too busy all protecting Lord Ko. Why do you think it was just me and Shum on patrol? Then why still standing there are you? At once go find Ying Ying, and her other notify! Oh! Ari! Ari. Lang. What's up? Ari, I... I've got something to tell you. It's about you sister. Oh! I know what it is! You're crazy about her, right? Everyone knows that! I... didn't come here to talk about that. I know since your mom and ad passed away. She's always taken care of you. But... you're a big boy now, You've got to be strong. You know... that real men don't cry. Ying Ying! Hey! Hands off! Are you alright? Why wouldn't I be alright? But... when I was chasing the Night Thief a few hours ago, I found you lying unconscious in the woods. Then the Boar King appeared and snatched you away. I was so worried! Thanks. You're very kind. So what really happened last night? Oh, I remember now... Last night... I was in the woods looking... for a herb that only blossoms by moonlight... I don't know why, but I suddenly fainted... but I don't remember any Boar King... I was still in the same place when I woke up. That's strange. I saw him snatch you away! I sent people out to look everywhere for you! Oh? In that case... shouldn't you hurry off and call of the search? Oh, right! I'll be off then. Bye! Bye! Lang! We'll catch you this time! Masu, are you alright? I'm fine! The two of us can beat him for sure! Be careful! Put him down! Put him down! Go! Do you hear me? Go! If you want to kill him, then kill me too! I won't let you hurt any more people! Quick! After him! I was so worried you'd get hurt! There, there. I have to go now. I'll escort you. Don't need. Thank you. But I'd like to be alone. I've got to go look for Mountain Cleaver. Your sword's called Mountain Cleaver? No match for the Boar King, the two of you were? I thought we'd beat him for sure. He seems to be getting more and more fierce! Here I come! It's Bali Ba! Bali Ba? I found it... What did you find? I found it! What do you think, a gold mine? I found the Boar King's lair! Where? He stalactite cave to the south! Great! We'll get some men together in the morning And turn him into pork chop! Pork chop? Save some for me! What are you talking about? There no time! The gem on the monster's head is almost totally red! So what? If kill him now we do not, once all red the gem turns invulnerable he monster will become! You know a lot for someone with hair in his eyes. Of course! What see I cannot, sense I can! There's no time to lose. We'll go destroy him now! The only way to kill the monster is... smash the gem. Only one weapon can do it the DragonBlade! Now you're talking! You should've helped me find the Blade earlier! The time wasn't right before. Only the righteous can use the DragonBlade. If you have a selfish motive, it'll never be yours! But now that you need it to fight the monster, you have a chance of getting the DragonBlade! So where do I find it? It's in Arcadia, in the Cavern of the Black Wind. Great! I'm off! I'll come with you. No! If you both go, who'll deal with the monster? Come meet us once you have the DragonBlade; but you must get there before the gem goes all red, or even the DragonBlade may be no use! Don't worry. Don't worry. Just tell me how to get to Arcadia, And I swear I'll return with the DragonBlade! Talk about giving total protection! Found it! Come on. Take your time. There's no rush. Don't! Let me play you something. How about this? It's your favourite roller sled. Ari! Don't you recognize me? I'm Ying Ying, your sister! Come on! Close, but no cigar! What next? Poisoned arrows? A giant bowling ball? Use Not the Submerged Dragon Can it be a warning of some sort? I don't care what sort of monsters you are, I'm not going back empty handed! Frogs! There's nothing I hate more than frogs! Only one of us will walk away from this! Bring it on! Can't catch me! Under your armpit! Catch me if you can! Your eath stinks! Take care of you, I shall! That hurts! Catch me! It's me! Can't you see through your hair? Ooo, dizzy! Why isn't Lang back yet? Gross! Here goes nothing! Are you the Guardian Spirit? 'Course I'm the Guardian Spirit, who'dja think? Your Fairy Godmother, the Lady in Pink? I am the greatest, I'm great as can be! I float like a butterfly, I sting like a bee! Forget fire eathing monsters, Genies of the Lamp, I'm the DragonBlade Guardian, the No. 1 Champ! In that case Mr Guardian Spirit... Sir! I wonder if I could trouble you... to lend me... the DraonBlade? Just for a while! A monster's been attacking our town, see... That's what they all say! Everyone wants the DragonBlade to save the day! But first, you gotta prove your worth to me! Go three rounds with me, and we'll see! Three rounds? So be it! Hey, is that your aunt? She's here? Can we count that as one round? Sure! What the heck? You're still gonna hit the deck! I'm coming Achy... You got my respect kid, that was a nice try! But one more round, and you're gonna die! Take my advice: Quit while you're ahead. Keep this up, and you're gonna wind up dead! I don't care! I must get the DragonBlade! People's lives depend on it! Well then, say goodbye to Arcadia, 'cause boy, am I gonna DragonBlade ya! What's taking Lang so long? By risking your life for the good of all, you succeed where so many others did fall. Only a pure heart can make the grade, and you've shown yourself worthy of the DragonBlade! Way to go! Smash the gem on his head! Smash the gem! Roger that! No! Ying Ying? Don't kill him! He's my other Ari! There's no time to lose! Do it! Watch your heads! Can't take it! No! Once that thing gets inside him, it's all over! Ari! Ari! No! Ari! Ari! No! No! Ari! How did all this happen? It was like this... Ari and I stumbled into Arcadia... There was this strange tree. It said we could only eat one magic fruit... It gave me martial arts powers... But Ari... When we got home, I sensed something terrible was going to happen... And then Ari turned into the Boar king! Look! What's that? It's Ari's soul! Quick! Chase it back you must. Before the Gates of the Dead it passes! Leave it to me! Ari! Miss Ying Ying, so sad do not be. When shattered the gem was, also destroyed Ari should have been. But because for us, himself he sacrificed, his noble soul the DragonBlade did preserve. If chase it back Bali Ba can, a chance of life there still is! No! Wait for me! Wait! That was close! Sis? Ari! What happened? It's alright now! Everything's alright! Look! It's snowing! Et in Arcadia ego... Dragon Sweeps Its Tail! Pretty Girl, Prettier Fruit! Don't you dare steal food! Didn't you steal yourself as the Night Thief? She was robbing the rich to give to the poor! You're always taking her side! She's only your girlfriend, not the Empress Dowager of China! She's always bossing me around, Shum, don't eat this... Shum, do that... Dog Stretches a Leg! Shum, do that... Always treating me like a servant! Some new glasses? The Governor arrives! His Lordship would like to address the Sheriff. I'm still not used to Officialese. Sheriff Lang! I've made my report to the Emperor revealing the corruption of ex Governor Ko and his embezzlement of public funds. Embezzlement?! The Counsellor said it was alright! I'll deal with him later. You are to take Ko to the Imperial Courts to be tried; after which, you'll be given the title of High Protector and tasked with ridding the land of all evil. That can't be right! If Lang goes, who'll lead the rebuilding the school? Master Wu? Et in Arcadia ego... Lang's still studying; if he can get a title, how am I going to get Ari to study? Hey hey hey! Sheriff Lang receives the decree! Men, take him away! Lang! Lord Masu! With the Night Thief still at large, and Ying Ying being an orphan and all, I can protect her if she comes along with me! If that is your wish, so be it. And don't worry about Ari. He's old enough to start learning kung fu with others. I'll take good care of him. Great! Lang! Goodbye, Lang. Bali Ba! We're waiting for you! Then I'll follow you to the end! Good grief! Wait for this third wheel! There's still a very long road ahead. One day you, too, will go far! Yes. We will defeat him. Be careful. Cut! How come the wire is loose? Where did they go? I don't know. Maybe they went out for lunch. Should've released us first. It hurts! Let me down! Hey, don't miss your aim! Lang, you're so romantic. Mom! Such a clumsy idiot! What did I tell you? Action! Sure, the bars are really strong; too bad about the bottom! What the hell is it? Sorry, I'll give you a towel. A towel? How about two towels? I am freezing! Action! How many more do you need? It's killing me. Masu, shut up. When you were a kid, I changed your diapers every time you peed. A new diaper every time... This little piggy went to market, This little piggy stayed home; This little piggy... Can you tell me the way... to Black wind Cavern? According to the map, it should be nearby. It's very easy to find! Follow this road to where the big fish flies around, turn right, ahead you'll find a magic tree. Eat as much of the fruit as you like! Turn right again at the carnivorous shrub, and you're there. Can't miss it! Thank you so much! Don't mention it. What a nice chap! At last I'm going to find he DragonBlade! Big fish, right, magic tree... there in no time!