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[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 14th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Joseph Mazurka, Monday, November 25th, 1996 at 10 am.\nHi Doc."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello Joe. I didn't really expect to see you today."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why not? It's my regular time isn't it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but I thought you were discontinuing our sessions. I didn't think we were making much progress either, for that matter."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe it's just a habit. It's good to have somebody to talk to about some of this shit. I don't know who else I'd be able to lay it on. And besides, it's like insurance."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hanging with those guys I told you about; I could disappear without a trace. I'd like someone to know what happened if I just vanished someday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How would I know what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You could take a wild guess anyway. These guys don't seem like the kind that mess around."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So why associate with them at all? How does it help you in any way?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They could help me a lot, if they wanted to. They said they'd help me find my wife and kids; the cops sure haven't been much help--if anything, they wanted to pin something on me. But now I'm in touch with some people who know what they're doing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Even assuming you do find Carol, what good does that do you? If she doesn't want to live with you, you can't force her to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We'll see. If I could just talk to her, face to face..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then you think you could intimidate her, and everything would be okay again? Is that it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Call it what you want. She's got to know she can't hide from me like she's been doing. And you can't do anything these days without leaving traces in some fucking computer or other. If she needs to renew her license, the DMV computer pops her right up. If she uses a credit card, a computer's going to show what she bought and the address of the store. If she applies for a phone, or utilities, or food stamps, I've got her. We can get in anywhere--they showed me how easy it is."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And in return for all this help, what do your new pals want from you? Have you gotten to that part yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Look, you may not think so but there's a lot I can do. We've discussed several ideas."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Such as?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, this probably isn't the time to get into specifics."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But I can read about it in the newspapers, is that it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Only if something goes wrong...But that's not going to happen. These guys run a tight ship. They know what they're doing and I fit right in. This is going to be big, really big. I've always wanted to make a difference and this is my chance. I know you think I'm a real loser, but guys like me can change history. Once a guy stops just worrying about himself and looks at the big issues, he can count for a lot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you've found some big idea you want to sacrifice your life for, is that it? Don't you think you might be fooling yourself? Don't you think you might be a pawn in a game you don't even understand?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey, when soldiers are ready to lay down their lives for their country, nobody says this shit to them. And they've got a lot more to lose than me. Besides if everything goes right, I could make some money on this..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I thought you were doing this out of idealism, a sacrifice for the greater good kind of thing. Now it sounds like you're talking straight crime; what's going on?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm in a big hole, right? My cards got yanked and I'm living paycheck to paycheck, but the IRS just garnished my fucking check behind some total bullshit I couldn't even understand, so I got all these guys knocking on the door and \"where's my money, motherfucker,\" and these aren't guys that like waiting. What's the use of going to work if you don't get the fucking money? Anyway, if I'm stuck in a deep pit and somebody throws me a rope, I'm not going to say no, right? I'm not going to ask him why he threw the rope and and I really don't even give a shit, at least not until I'm out of the hole."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Look. If you've got income tax problems, you go to a tax attorney, maybe you can get it straightened out. You don't go out and commit crimes, not if you've got any brains at all. You made the money legally, you probably just have to agree to a payment plan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The guys I borrowed from, they don't believe in payment plans."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Come on, this doesn't have anything to do with therapy, and I'm getting really uncomfortable with the position you're putting me in. If you wanted to try and work to improve your state of mind, I could have helped you, but I'm not going to get involved in your dealings with your creditors or your criminal friends. And if you're determined to go straight to Hell, I really can't stop you. What is there to talk about, the quickest path?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess that's about the size of it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well in that case, you're doing great. I can't think of anything more you can do to destroy yourself. Why don't you just leave me out of it? Come back if you change your mind, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Does this mean you're throwing me out?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Joe, what do you expect from me? I don't feel I'm helping you, and I don't think you even want me to. Therapy isn't something I can do to you in spite of yourself; all I can do is guide your progress. I think you know that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it's been fun anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe for you. It's made me feel terrible. I feel like I've failed with you, but I honestly don't know what I could have done."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh come on, it's not your fault. I'm just a magnet for trouble; bad things keep happening to me. I don't know what you could have done about it. Just one more thing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Come here. Let me tell you in your ear. Watch out for the Irishman; he's a killer."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If that's what you think then stay away, for God's sake."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's too late, I'm in too deep. But it's been nice knowing you, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Look I tried. If you'd given me any help, it might have been different."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Whatever. Goodbye Doc."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Joe."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Joseph Mazurka, Wednesday, July 31, 1996 at 11:30 AM.\nHello?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Hi Joe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi, Doc. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to be able to make our 2 o'clock on Thursday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I gotta go to Milwaukee. It's a sales thing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand. Have you been taking the medication I prescribed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Actually I have. I'm not sure it's doing anything, but at least the shit's not making me sick."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you felt any strange effects at all? Changes in your sleeping pattern, night sweats, stomach problems?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nope. Doesn't seem to be doing much of anything, if you ask me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, give it a chance. I do want to see you as soon as possible after you get back. When is the end of your trip?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I should be back in town late Friday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, how about coming in on Monday. I have 4 o'clock free."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds fine, Doc. I'll see you at 4 on Monday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Great. Have a nice trip. And keep taking the medication, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, Doc. See ya."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Carol Mazurka, Thursday, August 8, 1996 at 3:30 PM.\nThis is Carol Mazurka, you know, Joe's wife. Is this Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it's good to talk to you. What can I do for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He's been going to you for treatment over there, hasn't he?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, we've had some sessions together. Did he talk to you about coming to couples counseling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, he didn't say anything about that. I'm calling because he's been acting so strange lately, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Strange in what way?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Have you been giving him some kind of drugs or something?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I did prescribe an anti-depressant. Are you concerned about something in particular?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well he always was kind of moody, you know? But the last week or so you know he either seems really happy and nice--nicer than he's been in a long time, really. But like every other night --not that I see him a lot lately, he's always at the gym at night --but anyway, he just gets weird, you know? Shouting and screaming, talking crazy--I don't know what's gotten into him, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um, does he seem excited, like happy, or anxious? Does he seem to be afraid of something, or someone? Is he talking to himself?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that's right, uh huh. He's doing all that kind of stuff. Maybe, you know, you should take him off that drug. I'm scared, you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't believe that the symptoms you've described could be side effects of the drug that I prescribed, Mrs. Mazurka. Do you know if he's been taking any other medications?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not that I know of, besides aspirins and stuff. But...well, you know, he doesn't tell me much but I think he's been getting something down at that gym he's always at lately. You know, a lot of those guys take this stuff to make their muscles puff up and Joe, you know, he's getting that look. It can't just be the exercise, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Anabolic steroids. Yes, they could account for some of the effects you mentioned. They can be dangerous too. Is Joe there right now? I'd really like to speak to him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh God, don't tell him you got that from me. Hey, I've got to hang up now, you know? And he's not here. Bye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Sgt. Tracy Keefe of the SFPD respecting Joseph Mazurka, Thursday, August 22, 1996 at 5:30 PM.\nHello, this is Dr. Balis."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, this is Sergeant Tracy Keefe of the San Francisco Police Department. I understand that Mr. Joseph Mazurka is a patient of yours?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, we have had a few therapy sessions together. Why, is he in some kind of trouble?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, you could say that. Could I ask you a few questions about him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What has he done?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's a domestic violence situation, and we think drugs were involved as well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That was one of the things we were going to ask you. We are doing some tests, but the results are not in yet. He did mention that you had him on some medication."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I prescribed an anti-depressant, Prozac. The generic name is Fluoxetine hydrochloride. But it's not the sort of thing that would precipitate violence. Just the reverse, if anything."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Did you think he was at risk for violent behavior?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sort of thing is very hard to predict."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. But it wouldn't be the first time for this guy, at least according to his wife."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is she okay? Were the kids involved? This is the first I've heard of any of this. What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sunday night, she got beat up pretty badly, but she'll be okay. The kids weren't involved in this incident. The neighbors called it in. Apparently the Mazurkas did this a lot, but it's been getting a lot worse lately. Did you know this was going on?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, we were trying to work through some negative feelings about his wife, and women in general, but I had no way of knowing what he would do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. And I expect that even if you did, you wouldn't tell us about it anyway, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There is such a thing as doctor/patient confidentiality. I can't go running to the cops whenever my patient tells me something bad about himself. Who would ever tell me anything if I did that? But officer, please understand, if he told me he was going to go kill someone and stormed out of my office, you can bet that I'd give you a call. There's a difference between a patient talking about negative feelings and a patient ready to act on those feelings, and it is often a very difficult line to diagnose."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Would doctor/patient confidentiality prevent you from telling us if you knew that he was taking other drugs other than the Prozac?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's right. The only knowledge I'd have would be what he told me, and that's certainly covered by the privilege. Look, all I know about this incident is what you just told me. He had an appointment on Monday and he didn't show up. I figured he was just a no show and not that he was in prison. Is he still locked up? Is there a way I can talk to him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He was released on bail this morning. I don't know where he's staying, but he's not back home with the wife. She's applied for a restraining order."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is she going to press charges?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's hard to say. Usually they don't, once they've cooled down. But we're taking these things more seriously than we used to, so if you hear from him, tell him to stay away from her. We'll definitely take him in if he violates the order."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay Sergeant. Is there anything else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, that's about it. Just keep an eye on this guy, would you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well I just see him once a week, if that. But I'll try."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks for your help then, goodbye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sergeant, could you give me a number that I could reach you if I need to?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, you can reach me through the main switchboard. That's 553-0123."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thanks, I got it. Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Carol Mazurka, Thursday, August 29, 1996 at 1:30 PM.\nHello, is this Carol Mazurka?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, who's this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is Dr. Charles Balis. We've talked before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah, I remember. What do you want?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um...well, I've talked to Joe. We were discussing the idea of some couples counseling..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's for couples. We're two separate people now. You know, I tried and tried, but it's too late now. I've got to think about myself and the kids."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Joe seemed interested in a reconciliation. Are you sure you don't want to give the relationship another chance?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I'm sure. You know, I hurt all over, but I still feel better than I have in a long time, and you know why? Because I don't have that bastard breathing down my neck anymore. You don't know what it was like, especially toward the end. I was really scared. Even the kids were scared. We're just so much happier now. There's no way I'm going back to like it was."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well Joe does seem to have stopped taking steroids. I think that probably was what set him off."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm glad he did it, you know? We could have gone on for years like we were, just not quite miserable enough to do anything about it. I think the drugs just brought it to a head, you know? There's nothing like somebody beating the hell out of you--it makes things real clear. If that bastard comes back, I'll kill him, I swear."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Huh. Well, maybe you both should take some time to cool off."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm cool. I don't need him for anything. I can work. I've been working like a slave for years, and all I've gotten for it was a lot of abuse. If this was a job, I'd have quit a long time ago. I don't know why I stuck it out so long. I used to think I loved him, but now...now, I hate his lousy guts. I guess it was the kids that kept us together but, you know, I think they're better off too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about the legal case? Are you going ahead with the assault charges?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. I don't want to see him at all, even in court. If they were going to lock him up for a good long time, I guess it would be worth it, but they'd probably let him go. I think I just want to clear out, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm not sure you can just do that, not if there are children involved. But I'm not going to give you legal advice. You have to do what you think is right."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, right, I will. Look, I'll call you if I want to talk to Joe. I don't want him calling me. In fact, I'm changing the phone number today. So don't hold your breath, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I won't. But feel free to call me any time, all right? If you just need to talk to someone or whatever."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doctor. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but Joe and me.... I think it's a lost cause, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay well, you know how to get in touch, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, thanks a lot. Maybe I'll do that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well goodbye then, and good luck."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, same to you."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Sgt. Tracy Keefe of the SFPD respecting Joseph Mazurka, Monday, September 30, 1996 at 7 PM.\nHello. Is this Dr. Charles Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, who is this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm Sergeant Tracy Keefe from the San Francisco Police. I believe we've spoken before?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, about Joseph Mazurka. Has he done something else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We're trying to find that out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "His wife and children seem to have disappeared. Did you know that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um yes, I had heard something to that effect."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes? From who?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For one thing, I spoke with Carol Mazurka by telephone; it was about a month ago at least. She said she was thinking about leaving town."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For one thing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well yes, Joseph did mention that he couldn't locate her."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know he was under a restraining order, that he was legally forbidden to go anywhere near her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Look, if you want to find out anything about Joe, you should ask him. Anything he may have told me is, I'm sure you know, protected by doctor-patient privilege."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, you told me all about that last time we talked. The thing is, this woman and her kids have dropped off the face of the earth. He came in here trying to file kidnapping charges against her, you know that? But it seems like he's covering something up. We have a witness that saw him stalking her when he wasn't supposed to be around right? And when we tried to track her down, to see if she could be persuaded to nail this creep, we come up empty. Now we're pretty good at this sort of thing, we've got a lot of ways of finding people; that's our job. Her mother, none of her relations have heard a peep from her since the end of August. They're getting real worried. And we're getting more interested in this guy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why are you telling all this to me? What do I have to do with it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You've been talking to him on a regular basis, right? We can't seem to find anybody else who has. He's been keeping to himself lately."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Actually, he skipped his session today. He just didn't show up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. Well, we'd like to know what he's had to say during the sessions he didn't miss. You've got notes of those little talks haven't you? Well keep'em handy. We might need to have a look at them if this investigation heats up. Be looking for a cop with a subpoena, if you want to play it that way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can't subpoena my notes. They are protected by doctor- patient confidentiality. You can't just go fishing through them looking for something to incriminate him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I think we can find a judge that will give us a warrant, if we can make a good case for it. Or you could save us all some trouble and tell us a few things we need to know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Like what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like did he kill his wife and kids?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He certainly never said he did, if that's what you're looking for. And I really have no idea, okay? He gave the impression of someone who missed his family, that's all you'd find in my notes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks for your help, Dr. Balis. That wasn't so hard, now was it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that all?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We'll give you a call if there's anything else we need, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye then."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye Doctor."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 13th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, January 13, 1997 at 2:00 pm.\nHi Sarah. It's good to see you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi Doc. It's good to be seen. I'm sorry about canceling our appointment last week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's okay. Was there anything wrong?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Five people, the flu, one bathroom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. I hope everyone is better now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Most everyone. Melissa is still home sick. School started last week. She went two days and has been in bed since."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you taken her to the doctor?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I called the doctor's office and they told me it sounded like what everyone else had. They called in a prescription for her, so hopefully she'll be back on her feet soon."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what about you? How are you doing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Other than still being kind of weak and run down, I'm doing okay I guess. I think I'm about to go through one of my down periods, though. Not something to look forward to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How long has it been since your last down period, Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Two maybe three months. It's hard to remember sometimes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When you have these episodes, do you find that the Xanax helps?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not much. Maybe a little. It's just so difficult to tell. I wish I could be more specific."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would like to try an anti-depressant with you Sarah, if you're agreeable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You think I'm depressed? No, I don't think so Doc. Depression is for people who live in sanitariums with padded walls."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, you're stereotyping. Being depressed doesn't mean that you're insane."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Then what does it mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In your case, I suspect it's a chemical depression. Think of the spark plugs in a car. If they're all gummed up, they don't spark as they should. You can think of your brain working in a similar way. Your brain needs certain chemicals, they're called neuro transmitters, to help it regulate emotions, including anxiety and contentment. If the levels are low, those sparks don't fire properly in your brain. That, in turn, causes many of the symptoms that you've talked about before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Which symptoms?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, without looking at your entire transcript, I'd say..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Being afraid in crowds? Noise levels seeming very high? Sitting on the floor crying? Not being able to complete a sentence? Are these the symptoms you're talking about??"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, exactly. Zoloft has shown to be a great help in treating patients with those types of symptoms. I had a talk with your cardiologist and he doesn't seem to think that it presents a problem."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well....I'm not crazy about having to take more pills, but if you think it may work, I'll give it a try."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. It may take a few weeks, but I think you'll see a great improvement in your emotional well-being."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That would be wonderful, but I'm not going to hold my breath."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let's just give it a try. If it doesn't work, no harm done, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, you're the doctor. Let's talk about something else, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure. What would you like to talk about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I told you that I gave my resignation at work. My last day was supposed to be December 31st."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Supposed to be? You mean you're still working?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. They haven't found anyone to replace me yet, and I don't feel right about just walking out. They've had several ads in the paper but no one seems to fit the qualifications. I told them I'd stay until the end of the month, after that they're on their own. I suppose they'll have to go to temp service."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still comfortable with your decision to quit your job?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping that once I'm home all day, Robby and I can..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Talk. Restore part of our relationship before he goes. I still have so many unresolved feelings towards him. Love, hate, anger. I'd hate for him to die without being able to work some of that out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is Robby's health these days?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He still has mostly good days, but the bad ones really put him down. I try not to think too much about the reason behind it, you know? I try not to think AIDS everytime he coughs or sneezes. I've noticed though that he's starting to lose weight. He's already slim. I imagine by the end, there won't be anything left but skin and bones."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, depending on quickly the disease progresses. As your psychiatrist, my primary concern is about you and how well you will be able to handle his death and dying."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I try not to think about it. I mean, I'm not putting blinders on--I know he's dying, but I've accepted that. It just makes me sad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it is a very sad situation. How is Robby's and Jeff's relationship these days?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, sometimes I think Jeff makes up excuses not to spend time with Robby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? I would like Jeff would want to spend as much time as possible with his dying lover."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, you'd think so wouldn't you? I haven't figured it out yet, but I have a feeling now that Robby is safely tucked away and being taken care of, Jeff's feelings for Robby have waned somewhat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You suspect Jeff isn't in love with Robby any longer?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I don't know about that. There's something odd there, I just can't put my finger on what it is. When Robby first moved in, Jeff spent nearly every minute he was home with Robby in his apartment. He wanted to take Robby with him on business trips, that sort of thing. Now Jeff hardly sees Robby. He'll call him, ask if he needs anything, they'll chat for a while, but that's it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It does sound strange, considering Jeff begged you to let him move in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, well time will tell, I suppose."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're probably right. Do you mind talking about Glen today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Glen? Sure, what do you want to know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you played The Game with him recently?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, we haven't had a chance. He was working the day shift last week, then I got sick, so we haven't spoken in a while. Lisa said that he's anxious to get together again, though. I think she's more anxious than he is! It still just blows me away to think that Lisa gets off by hearing about Glen having sex with other women. All this time I've known her, she's never mentioned a word about it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes you can know a person your whole life and still never know everything about that person. Most people have a certain mask they wear for others. Perhaps Lisa thought you would think less of her if she told you about her fetish."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, we talked a little about that. She said she didn't want me to lose respect for her. I said, \"Shit, Lisa, if you knew about some of my fantasies, yours would seem tame!\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you still believe you can continue The Game with Glen and Lisa and not become emotionally involved?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No problem. I mean Glen's a wonderful guy, but he's not...everything. I'm sure the novelty will fade, and both of us will laugh about it when it's over. No one gets hurt. That's the best part."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope you're right. Looks like our time is up for today. I'm going to discontinue the Ativan and I'm going to write you a prescription for the Zoloft. Try it for a few weeks and see how you feel. If you have any problems, just give me a call."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I'll give it a try. Can we meet the same time next week?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That'll be fine. Let's see, that's Monday, January 20th."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Great. I'll see you next week. Goodbye Doc. B."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 14th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, January 20, 1997 at 2:00 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello Doctor. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very well thanks. How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Still kind of down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you taking the Zoloft I prescribed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, every morning."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It may take a few weeks for you to feel any difference, but stick with it; I think you'll notice a great improvement."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I will. The waiting gets me down. Everything gets me down. Some days it's all I can do to get myself out of bed and dressed. Other days I feel fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have they found a replacement for you at work yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, but they've interviewed several people so I think it will be soon."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And are you still anxious to be finished with your job?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, even more so after last week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did something happen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it's just the regular stuff. I'm still working on a lot of end of the year shit...balancing all our accounts, that sort of thing. It's a pain in the ass any time, but right now it seems especially draining. Everyone at work keeps telling me how tired I look."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Being tired often comes with depression, Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, but knowing doesn't help. Sometimes I feel like I'm wading in wet cement. Every motion, every thought takes so much energy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand what you're going through, but trust me, it will get better."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are your kids? Is everyone over the flu?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Everyone is well. Knock on wood! They're off from school today. Martin Luther King Day. Saturday was Jeff's birthday. The kids made him a cake and we went shopping Saturday morning for gifts. Robby came down and had dinner with us that night. Jeff seemed uncomfortable with them there, but after dinner they left together. Robby told me yesterday that Jeff took him to the coffee shop they used to meet at. Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed a change in Jeff's attitude toward Robby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh? Did Robby say something to you about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, he told me that when they were at the coffee shop he came right out and asked Jeff if he was seeing someone else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And is he?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He told Robby he isn't, but I have to wonder."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did Robby believe him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He wants to believe him, but I think he's starting to give up, too. He knows that he and Jeff will never have the relationship they once had, and he doesn't want Jeff tied to him, but it pains him to think Jeff is seeing someone else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how does that make you feel, Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I care. I don't give a shit what the man does. I don't want him to hurt Robby, but the way I see it, if he's screwing around with someone else...well, never mind."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? What were you going to say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If Jeff fools around and gets AIDS too, well....no big loss."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, you don't really mean that, do you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I do. Well, it would hurt the children, and I wouldn't want them to suffer, but other than that, I'd rather he was dying of AIDS instead of Robby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Life is never dished out according to our grievances."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ain't that the truth! I want so much to be with Robby, to comfort and protect him, put my arms around him, make things better for him. He hasn't always deserved my love and sympathy, but he has it regardless."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope that you and Robby will be able to talk and work out some of the emotions you both have before it's too late."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me too. Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about all the things I want to tell him and ask him. I don't know how much time we have left, but I want to make the most of it, for both of us. Last night when we talked, and he told me about Jeff taking him to the coffee shop, I felt really close to him, yet I didn't have the nerve to bring up anything I wanted to tell him. He was hurting so much as it was because he feels Jeff slipping away. I just wanted to be there for him. A friend. A shoulder to cry on. My turn will come, I know it will. All my questions will be answered. I'm just not very patient. I'm very tired, Dr. B. Would you mind if we cut our session short today?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No Sarah, that's fine. Can we meet again next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. Can I call you later this week and set something up?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure, if that's what you want. I'll wait to hear from you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. I'll call in a few days. Goodbye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah. Take care of yourself."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 1st Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, September 9, 1996 at 2 pm.\nPlease, won't you come in? I'm Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Sarah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have a seat, Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. I'm a little nervous, would you mind if I took off my shoes? I always take off my shoes when I'm nervous."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If that makes you comfortable go ahead. So, why did you came to see me today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it's kind of hard to explain. I went to my family doctor first and he suggested I see you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What sort of symptoms are you having?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I feel like I'm going to explode at any minute. Like I could jump out of my skin. I cry a lot. A lot! My stomach hurts all the time and I can't sleep more than an hour or two straight. And when I do sleep, I have the same dream over and over again. I keep dreaming of falling down a flight of steps. It's scary. Oh and I get words mangled up in my mind. I'll mean one thing, but say something else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you give me an example of how you get words mangled up?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Like the first time it happened, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. Her name is Lisa. She and I have been friends for years. Actually, she should be the one sitting here, if you know what I mean. Talk about problems! Anyway, I told her I was going to run over to KMart and get some garlic."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. What did you mean to say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I meant to say I was going to get some new sheets for our bed. Well, right away Lisa just starts laughing, and I say, \"What the hell are you laughing at?\" And she says, \"Why are you going to KMart to get garlic. I have garlic if you want to borrow some.\" Well, that really scared me, you know? I told her someone was at the door and I had to hang up. I stayed in bed the rest of the day and cried. When my husband Jeff got home from work that day, that's the way he found me. Crying. Only I couldn't tell him what I was crying about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why couldn't you tell him why you were crying?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to burden him with any more problems. He'd been so supportive since my heart attack, I just didn't want to push him any further. Ever since I came home from the hospital, I just can't seem to get my shit together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You had a heart attack? When was this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About 3 months ago. It was mild, but I had to have that heart catheterization done. No big deal. The only thing is, I keep having the same kind of pain I had that day, so I go to the emergency room thinking I'm having another heart attack. The first couple of times the doctors were very sympathetic. You know, they'd check out my heart, say everything was fine, give me something to calm my nerves, then send me home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please go on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, my husband and my girlfriend--the one I was telling you about?--they talked me into going to see my family doctor. He looked over everything in my records, sent me for more friggin' tests, and finally decided all my pains and complaints are..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, he thinks it's all in my head. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with me physically. I just think he doesn't want to try to find anything else. It's easier to just send me to a head shrinker! Sorry, I don't mean to offend you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No offense taken. Tell me, what do they think caused the heart attack? Do you have a family history of heart problems?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nope, no family history of anything! I guess they think stress had a lot to do with it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you under a lot of stress, Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No more than anyone else, I guess. I got a husband, three kids, a house, a part time job.....you know, the regular stuff that goes along with that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem awfully young to have had a heart attack."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Look, Doc. I've heard this story a hundred times and I'm sick of it! Yes, I'm too young to have had a heart attack, but I did!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why are you so angry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why shouldn't I be! I'm feeling a lot of things. Anger, frustration, fear."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can empathize with what you must be going through."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh I seriously doubt that! Did you have a heart attack at 33 years old? Did your life suddenly change over night? Did you have to face your husband, your kids, your family, and say, Look, I've fucked up, I'm sorry. My god, the guilt I've been living with, putting everyone through this bullshit. I just keep saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can't even look at anyone without crying. No, I doubt you can understand."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's true that I've never had a heart attack, but I have worked with other patients who have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, so maybe you can try to understand, but it's hard for me to even understand. I can't begin to understand why this has happened. I know that bad things happen to good people. I truly believe that the things that happen in your life, happen for a reason. You may not know what the reason is right away, but still, there's a reason. Maybe my heart attack was for someone else's benefit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm not sure what you mean."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, when I was in the emergency room, there was a high school girl there for career day. They asked me if it was okay if she stayed in the room, and I said sure. Her name was Abby and we talked a lot, but when she found out I was having a heart attack, she nearly freaked out. She had to leave the room. I'm like, \"Hey girl, I'm the one with the chest pain. Why are YOU leaving?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I still don't understand. What could that girl have to do with your heart attack?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "See, this is the funny part. I found out later that she had thought she wanted to be a doctor but, when she freaked out, she realized the medical profession was not her thing, you know? So, if I hadn't come into the emergency room that very day Abby was there, she might have spent years in med school to find out she wasn't cut out for it. If you think about it, I saved that girl and her family a hell of a lot of money!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's quite a stretch, don't you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not saying I believe that's why I had the heart attack, I'm just saying it could be something like that. I was suppose to see my mother-in-law the day I had the heart attack. What better way to get out that situation?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don't get along well with your mother-in-law?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh please, let's not waste time talking about her. She's the least of my problems."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you have other problems that you'd like to talk about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think people should dwell on their problems, you know? Right now my biggest problem seems to be why they can't find any good reason why I keep having chest pains. I'm sure if I could just get this all straightened out, I'd feel a lot better. It's just so frustrating!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you have any history of heart problems before the heart attack?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did the doctors say that your heart was badly damaged as a result of the attack?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, they told me I was fortunate in getting to the hospital quickly. And they told me that the heart wasn't badly damaged."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I presume they put you on nitroglycerin or amyl nitrite?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, nitroglycerin pills. I carry them in my purse."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you have a part time job?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I work part time as an office manager for a dental office. Actually, I was working for two dental offices at the time of the attack, but I've given one up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And your husband? What does he do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, he's a computer nerd. His title is Systems Process Control Engineer, which basically means that he's boring at cocktail parties."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see also that your doctor has you on Ativan. I guess you're taking that for anxiety? How is that working for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not very well, I don't think. I take it because they give it to me, but I really don't notice any less anxiety. I still cry all the time. Just the smallest things upset me. What really bothers me is that I'm scared of what this is all doing to my husband and kids. Everyone walks around on egg shells. My husband never knows what kind of mood I'll be in, and my kids are afraid to come home from school to find me sitting on the kitchen floor crying. Honestly, I'm afraid the men in the white jackets will come and carry me away. I feel like I've lost control of my life and I can't seem to get it back."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like you're not just talking about losing control after your heart attack."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that's true. For a long time I'd just been going along with life, like floating down a stream. But then one day it was like I just woke up and said, \"This is bullshit.\" Since then, I started taking a more active role in the decision making in my life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who had been making the decision before that time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Everyone else in my life. My husband, my parents, my boss--especially my husband and my boss."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why did your boss have so much control over your life?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh jeez, I was hoping we wouldn't have to get into all that right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's fine, we can talk about something else."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good, cause I'm just not ready to deal with that yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's okay. I'll be talking to your doctor, but since the Ativan hasn't been working for you, I would recommend switching you to another drug called Xanax. I've had some good results with it for panic disorders, which might help with your chest pain. I'll write you a prescription for the generic alprazolam. Let's see how that works for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's fine. At this point I'm willing to try anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Why don't we make an another appointment for next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, sounds good to me. Can I ask you something before I go?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure, what is it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think I'm loony?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, Sarah, I don't think you're loony."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good, that makes me feel better already."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad. I'll see you next week then."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll be here!"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 2nd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, September 23, 1996 at 2 pm.\nHello Sarah. Please come in. Have a seat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you. Would it be all right if I took my shoes off again?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Certainly, if that makes you comfortable. How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Better than I was last week. Sorry I had to cancel our appointment, but I had a nasty sinus infection and felt pretty bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's okay, I'm glad you're feeling better. Last time you were here, we switched you from Ativan to Xanax. How does that seem to be working?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right now it's hard to say. Since I've been sick I haven't noticed a lot of anything. I guess no news is good news."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In that case let's keep you on the Xanax and see how it goes. During your last visit we talked about your heart attack and your fear of having another one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, well can we talk about something else for awhile? I'm really sick of discussing my heart attack. It gets old after awhile."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right. Let's talk about the stress that led to the heart attack."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Stress. I hate that word. Everyone is always asking, \"Are you under a lot of stress?\" Gee, isn't everybody?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes Sarah, I believe everyone lives with some sort of stress, but it's a matter of how you deal with stress that's important."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I understand that, but I've been dealing with stress all my life, right or wrong, it's the only way I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Which way is that? How do you deal with stress?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It usually depends on what the situation is, but mostly I ignore whatever it is that's bothering me. Or at least I try to. I realize this isn't the best solution, but it's all I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tell me about some things that were stressful at the time of your heart attack."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I was working at one dental office full time, and another office part time. It got to be real confusing. When the phone would ring, I'd have to stop and think about which office I was at before I'd pick up the phone. Sometimes I made the mistake of saying the wrong doctor's name."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did this cause trouble for you with the doctors?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No not really. Actually they were both pretty good about the whole thing. Well I take that back. Doctor Teynor, he's the one I worked full time for, he was kind of a jerk. Not just about answering the phones wrong, but about...well everything really."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you didn't like working for him, why didn't you quit? Was it a financial decision?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No not really. I mean the money was nice, but it was just my own pocket money. Jeff brings home a good salary, more than most of our friends do anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So why didn't you just quit?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I did eventually, about a month before my heart attack."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why did you wait so long?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well it's a long story."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'd like to hear it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was afraid you'd say that. Okay, here's the deal. I knew Robby, I mean Doctor Teynor, before he was a doctor. Actually we dated for a few years in high school. He was two classes ahead of me, but he didn't decide to go to dental school until right before I graduated. I think he was afraid I'd want to get married and him going off to college would put an end to that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. And did you want to marry Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I suppose so. I mean I just assumed we would get married. He was working at a decent job, going to school part time to be an accountant. I figured it was just a matter of time before we set the date."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So tell me what happened when he left for college."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Here's where it gets sticky. When Robby left for college, I was pregnant only I didn't know I was pregnant, so he didn't know either."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My first reaction was to call Robby and tell him. I figured he'd come home, we'd get married and live happily ever after."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not exactly. I decided to surprise Robby. I drove all the way to where he was going to school. When I got to his apartment, his roommate answered the door. I asked if Robby was home and he said, \"Sure, come on in.\" Well it was kind of early and Robby was still in bed, so this other guy went to wake him up. They were in the bedroom for quite awhile before Robby came out and I overheard them arguing, though I'm still not quite sure what they were arguing about. Anyway Robby was definitely surprised to see me. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead and said all the right things, but I knew in my heart something had changed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you feel had changed."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wasn't sure at the time. Things just seemed funny. He'd only been gone about 3 weeks, hadn't even actually started school yet at that point. Anyway Robby and his roommate, I think he said his name was Ben, they seemed very close if you know what I mean."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please explain."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was very obvious that Ben was gay and that he was upset by my presence there. Apparently Robby had told him about our relationship and he saw me as a threat. At first it didn't sink in what I was seeing; I just kind of ignored Ben and tried to talk to Robby in private. But Ben just wouldn't leave us alone. Finally I just asked Robby if we could go somewhere and talk and he told me that this was not a good time, that he and Ben had made plans and he didn't want to disappoint him. By the time I left their apartment, I was sure my relationship with Robby was over."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Had you told Robby you were pregnant?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did Robby tell you he was gay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, but I knew it in my heart. Then years later, of course, he confirmed my suspicions."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So what did you do after you left Robby's apartment?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "First panic set in. I was totally freaking out. I was 18 years old, pregnant, and pretty sure the father of my baby was gay. The future didn't look very bright. I called Robby's best friend and told him what had happened with Robby, and that I was pregnant."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did he react?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not very well. He was absolutely disgusted by the very thought of Robby being gay. He ranted and raved for hours. When he finally calmed down, he asked me what I was going to do about the baby. I told him that I felt the best solution was to have an abortion."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did he agree?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, he said the choice was mine and he would help any way he could. Actually he gave me the money for the surgery. So I made an appointment and went to the clinic, but then I couldn't go through with it. I decided to keep the baby. Robby's friend was really supportive. He knew why I didn't want to tell Robby about the baby so, in the end, he asked me to marry him and I accepted."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your husband was Robby's best friend?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, Jeff, that's right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. So you married your gay ex-boyfriend's best friend?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It does seem kind of odd, doesn't it? We got married in August of 1981 and Melissa was born in March of '82. Of course we caught hell from both our families, especially Jeff's mother. No one else seemed to think much of it. You know, woman's heart is broken, she runs off and marries his best friend. A classic case of love on the rebound."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you and Jeff are raising the child you conceived with Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I'm sure that now people realize what happened, especially when Melissa was born just 7 months after the wedding. And, to be honest, Melissa does look quite a bit like Robby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How does Jeff feel about this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, he's been great about it. He doesn't treat Melissa any different than our other two."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does Melissa know that Jeff is not her real father?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, we've decided not to tell her, at least not yet. Maybe someday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about Robby; does he know he fathered a child?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I told him, but it was several years later."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did that come about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, after we first started working together, before he told me he was gay, we were getting along really well. Thoughts of him being gay seemed silly at that time. I think I was beginning to fall in love with him again, so in order to seal our relationship, I told him about Melissa."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how did he react?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first he acted surprised, but then later he told me he had suspected it all along. When I came out and asked him if he and I could ever have another relationship, that's when he told me he was gay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did you respond?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought he was joking! In the back of my mind, I had the scene from his apartment from years earlier, but nothing was connecting. I guess I was in denial over it. I told him that if he didn't want a relationship with me, that he didn't have to make up such horrible lies."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Eventually you came to terms with his homosexuality?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but it was years before that happened."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you and Jeff went on to have two more children of your own, is that correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Three years after Melissa, we had J.J., Jeff Junior, and then two years later we had Nicolas."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you and Jeff have been married since 1981?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We just had our 15th anniversary last month."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It would appear that you two have a stable relationship."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well we did, until Robby moved back to town. That seems to be when all the big problems started."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps we should save that for next week. Our time is up for today. Let's make an appointment for next week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. Monday's are better for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay well let's keep it at this same time. Monday September 30th at 2 pm?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "All right, I'll see you then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 3rd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, September 30, 1996 at 2 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah. Please come in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you. I hope you won't mind if I take off my shoes..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I don't mind. Make yourself comfortable. How have you been feeling this week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not too bad I guess. I did have several crying spells though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What made you cry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nothing. Everything. It's hard to tell the difference anymore. I'm really scared that I'm losing my mind! I'll be fine one minute and the next I'm laying on the floor curled up, crying like a baby. I have no warning, no time to prepare."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What's going through your mind when you have these crying spells?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Pain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you mean physical pain?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No not like that. It's deep, a place that's hard to reach. It's difficult to explain. It's more like a pain...in my soul."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. How long do these spells usually last?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes a few minutes, sometimes a few hours. It's very frustrating and it's getting harder to hide these episodes from Jeff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You still feel the need to hide your fears from your husband?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. No. I don't know. I'm really confused. When I look at him, I see the worry in his eyes. He's scared too although he won't admit it. He's trying hard to be strong for both of us and I just don't want to put anymore pressure on him. I need one of us to stay sane so I just try to keep the really nasty things from him. I know how hurt he would be if he knew some of the things that I was thinking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Like what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Lately it's mostly about Robby. How much of a jerk he is...how wonderful he is. How much I hate him...how much I love him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you're still in love with Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I wouldn't say I was \"in love\" with Robby. I love him, he is Melissa's father, but I hate him too much to actually be in love with him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you hate him so much?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For the lies; for making me love him when he knew he was gay. Why would a man do that? Why would a man purposely encourage a woman to fall in love with him when he knew he was gay? I just don't understand!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Could it be that Robby was confused about his sexuality?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Confused? What was there to be confused about? He liked men. End of story."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's not that simple, Sarah. Sometimes people struggle with their sexuality their whole life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well I don't believe Robby was confused. He is a master of manipulation. He played with my emotions, treated me like dog, sucked every last breath out of me, then left me for dead!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Those are pretty strong emotions, Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah so?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm a little concerned that you haven't put this part of your past behind you like you thought you had."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're probably right, but you have to understand the course of events I went through to get to the point I'm at right now. For the first few years that Jeff and I were married, I refused to deal with Robby at all. Robby just didn't exist for me. Jeff was my husband, the father of my children, I didn't have a life before I married Jeff. I didn't have a past. My life began when I married Jeff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This seems like a good example of how you suppress stressful situations in your life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I suppose so, but it got me through. Otherwise I might not have made it this long."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If I had let myself dwell on all the negative, I probably would have killed myself by now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Do you have thoughts of suicide now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No not really. I'm afraid to die. I wouldn't have the nerve to do it now. Maybe if I could just lay down and go to sleep and never wake up--peaceful death would be nice, but I don't think I could do it to myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad to hear that. You know that I'm available anytime that you're in crisis."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I appreciate that Dr. Balis, but I don't think you have to worry about that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Do you feel like talking about your relationship with Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I suppose so. What do you want to know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Last week you stated that you had a stable relationship with your husband until Robby came back to town. Tell me more about your marriage to Jeff."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, when Jeff asked me to marry him I thought he was just being nice. Kind of doing me a favor, I guess. I appreciated it a lot. I was so scared and Jeff made me feel safe. What I didn't realize at the time was that Jeff really did love me. When he said our wedding vows, he really meant it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Didn't you take your vows seriously?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I couldn't even tell you what our vows were so it's hard to say whether I took them seriously or not. As we were standing in front of the minister, I was trying to listen to what he was saying. He was talking about love and honor and a bunch of other crap. That's when he lost my attention. I knew then I was making a huge mistake but I couldn't move. I felt paralyzed from the brain down. Numb. I guess I said \"I do\" because it was all over with and there Jeff was staring down at me with these puppy dog eyes. He wanted to kiss me. We'd never kissed before and my first reaction was to push him away but I just stood there and let him kiss me. I stayed numb like that for the next 12 years. Feeling numb was better than feeling the pain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But Jeff has been a good husband?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes, Jeff is a wonderful husband and a wonderful father. That's why it's been so hard having Robby back in my life. I don't want to hurt Jeff. He's always been there for me, sheltered and protected me. Made me feel safe and secure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you don't love Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I never have. I respect him, I care for him, I'm proud of him, I would do anything in the world for him...but no, I don't love him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does Jeff know how you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I certainly hope not. I've made a life for him, my children, and myself based on these feelings. I don't want Jeff to know how much I've cheated him out of a real wife."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don't you think that's unfair?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No not really. It takes very little to make Jeff happy. His happiness comes from making me happy. At least that's what he says."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You sound as though you don't believe that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think Jeff believes it. But no. I don't think anyone's happiness should come from someone else. I think everyone should make their own happiness and not rely on other people to make them happy. That's a big burden to put on someone--make me happy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think you make Jeff happy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I'm very good at playing this role."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You feel as if you're playing a role?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course it's a role. I have a script, I act it out, everyone's happy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about your happiness? What makes you happy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It doesn't matter what makes me happy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because it's a fact. Right now, I'm paying the price for mistakes I made long ago. When I'm finished paying, I'll go on to the next stage of my life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly what mistakes are you paying for?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Haven't you heard what I've been saying? I married a man I didn't love, bore a child that wasn't his and ask him to raise it. Don't you think that's a horrible thing to do to someone?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you've made Jeff happy, do you really think that you're blameworthy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's a false happiness. But I suppose that's better than no happiness at all. I've been playing this game for many years. I've gotten really good at it. Sometimes I even fool myself. Sometimes I can convinced myself that Jeff is the love of my life. Is that good or what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds dangerous to me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I suppose some would think that it was dangerous but this is my life. This is all I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, then tell me about the woman who plays the role of Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She doesn't exist any more."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then who is this person I'm speaking to?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, Sarah's soul is still here. Somewhere. When I first started working for Robby, the real me came back. That's when I had to start playing a double role. Sarah--the soft-spoken, non-opinionated wife and nurturing mother. Then there was the Sarah I really enjoyed. She was kind of crass and sassy. Had an opinion about everything. Stood up for what she believed in and didn't care much what other people thought about her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And this is the real Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I like her a lot better than the other Sarah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So with Jeff you were one person and when you were with Robby, you were a different person?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yup, you got it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how long did you play this double role?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About 3 years I think. Maybe closer to 4 years."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. And it was during this time that you had the heart attack?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. But at that time, I had decided to give up the role of the real Sarah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why was that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because I realized Robby was sucking me dry and that it was not a healthy relationship to be in. I gave him 4 months notice that I was quitting, knowing full well that after I quit, we wouldn't see each other for a very long time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tell me how you came to be working for Robby."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My sister was working as a receptionist for old Dr. Waite. She went on maternity leave and got me to fill in for her. It was just part time and I was already working for another dentist part time so I figured I could handle both jobs for a few months. After she had the baby, she decided not to come back to work. It wasn't too bad working for both the doctors so I decided to stay on with Dr. Waite. Then about 6 months later, Dr. Waite had a stroke and retired. That's when Robby came back home and took over his practice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did you feel about working for Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first, when I found out he was the one who bought Dr. Waite's practice, I was going to quit. I wrestled with it for a long time. I still hadn't made up my mind until I actually came face to face with him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened when you saw him that first time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was really disturbing. All kinds of emotions starting going around and around in my head. I had forgotten how absolutely gorgeous he was. Sandy blonde hair, ice blue eyes..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So it was more of a physically attraction?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh no, it was much more than that. I knew from that first moment we'd known each other in another life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Excuse me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well I wasn't sure before, when we were just dating, but this time I could look into his eyes and see something I recognized."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What exactly did you recognize?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My soul knew his soul. It was beyond anything that my physical being had any control over. It was like...it was like suddenly there were now 2 other people in the room with us. My physical self, Robby's physical self, and each of our spiritual selves as well. Our souls knew each other. They wanted to be with each other. There's always a very strong bond between souls, and sometimes the souls will react totally differently than the physical being would have it. It becomes a struggle between the spiritual and physical self."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you believe in reincarnation?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes, very much so. I've lived at least 3 other lives that I can remember. Probably more."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And do you believe Robby's soul was involved in those lives as well?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Definitely!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what do you believe was the relationship you had with Robby in those previous lives?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I wondered about that for a long time myself. I just couldn't put a time or place on it, but I knew it was good. I started having strange dreams that I now believe were glimpses of my past."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did those dreams tell you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We were in love, but there was some reason we couldn't be together. Something that kept us apart, though I don't know what it was. We were always being pulled apart, kept apart really. We struggled to stay together but there was always something coming between us. In one life, we lived in a European country...Scotland maybe, I'm not sure. It was hundreds of years ago but at the time, Robby was a Catholic priest. We fell in love but he couldn't or wouldn't break his vows to be with me. I was angry at him and eventually killed myself to punish him. I remember my death. I remember being told I had made the wrong choice and had to go back and try again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The part about the two of you being keep apart, it seems like the same thing is happening in the present."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly. That's why, when I finally figured it all out, I had to make the changes. I believe that when we are born, we always come with the same soul. We have lessons to learn from life to life. If we don't learn from our lessons, we have to repeat them. I know now that in this life, the circle with Robby will be completed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean by completed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Both of us will have learned all we can from each other. We will be rewarded by being together forever. Our souls will never be separated again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If this is what you truly believe, why aren't you continuing your relationship with Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because it's not time yet. Many things must first happen before we can be together. Our time will come but not yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So in the meantime, you continue to live with a man you don't love and you've created a canyon between you and the man you do love."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes but all this is necessary."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you really don't hate Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hate what Robby has become, but my soul will always love his soul no matter what the physical or emotional aspects are. It's all part of the learning process."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does Robby believe as you do, that you have known each other before?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No but he will. Just before it's over, he'll know. I will be caring for him at his death and at that moment he'll recognize my soul."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I'm afraid our time is up for today. Do you want to come back next week at the same time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, that'll be fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Bye Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah. Oh I'd like an opportunity to talk to your cardiologist, if you don't mind. Could you give me his name and number?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure Doctor. Actually, I have one of his business cards in my purse. Here it is. Bye Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 4th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, October 7, 1996 at 2 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah. Please have a seat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'd rather stand if you don't mind. I just have so much nervous energy today I need to keep moving. I get like this sometimes. Either I'm so down I don't want to get out of bed or I'm like this...just pacing back and forth. I don't know which is worse. I guess it's better than crying. I just don't know what to do. I had the strangest dream the other night. It was one of those dreams that you just can't get out of your head. It just keeps running through my mind over and over. It's been making me crazy. I'm sorry I guess I'm rambling. Maybe I should sit down after all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Whatever makes you comfortable. Do you want to tell me about the dream?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I dreamed that I was handcuffed in a wheelchair and had to depend on Jeff to push me around, only when he wasn't looking I could take off the handcuffs and walk by myself. People were so surprised to see me walking but I couldn't let Jeff know about it. I felt so sneaky, yet I also thought it was funny."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you think the dream meant?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It describes my life perfectly. Jeff treats me like a invalid. He doesn't think I can move on my own, make decisions on my own. He doesn't believe I can even think for myself. But I know what I'm capable of, which is a lot more than he realizes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you told Jeff how you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, many times over the last few years. I've tried to tell him how much he embarrasses me and makes me feel stupid in front of others. Like a few weeks ago we had friends over for dinner and we were sitting around having coffee. These are our closest friends, my friend Lisa and her husband Glen. Anyway we were discussing our plans to go on a camping trip together, their family and ours. We were deciding who would bring what, and we discovered that neither of us had a camp-type coffee pot. We're big coffee drinkers. So I volunteered to purchase one and Jeff says, \"Honey, those camp coffee pots are expensive, maybe you should check them out before you volunteer to buy one.\" Well, I was furious! I said, \"Excuse me, but I do have a job and if I want to spend a thousand dollars on a coffee pot, that's what I'll do!\" Jeff just laughed but I was so embarrassed. After Lisa and Glen left I ripped him apart! I told him never to treat me like that in front of people again. Oh, I could give you a million examples of how he's made me feel stupid. And how many times he's lied to me....it just makes my head swim."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jeff has lied to you on occasion?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, if he thinks it will make his point better. Like if I say there's a new movie I'd like to see, Jeff will say, \"Bill's already seen it and said it wasn't very good.\" Yet when I see Bill, he says he's never seen the movie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When you catch Jeff in a lie, do you talk to him about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but he'll just say something like, \"Oh maybe it wasn't Bill. It must've been someone else.\" I get right in his face and say \"Bullshit!\" He just laughs. It makes me so angry! He doesn't take anything I say seriously. It makes me so mad I just want to scream!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You've said in past sessions that you thought Jeff was a good husband, yet what you're describing sounds like you don't think that he respects you. Is that really a good husband?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jeff is a good person. He doesn't drink or run around on me or abuse me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are those the only qualifications for a good husband?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I suppose not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It would seem to me that you and Jeff have a problem with communication."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I would agree, and I'm trying to make changes. I think Jeff is scared. He knows things are changing between us and he doesn't know if it will be for the better or worse. I'm not sure myself, but I know I have to do something. I'm scared too, but I'm ready to accept whatever happens."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What sort of changes have you been going through?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well in the past I would never contradict anything he said. I'd never question his judgment or question his authority. But some days I feel strong enough to stand up to him, stand up for myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And this is what Jeff doesn't like?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, he doesn't like it at all. But I don't care anymore. I know that whatever happens will be for the best in the end. My fate will remain the same whether I'm with Jeff or not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you thought about leaving Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes once. Robby was worried that his homosexuality was going to cost him his practice. He's very careful about hiding his sexuality. I wanted to leave Jeff and marry Robby as a \"front\" so that he could continue his relationships with men without jeopardizing his career."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And Robby turned your offer down?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not right away, but yes. I was crushed. I wanted to be with him so badly I didn't care what the circumstances were. Of course now I realize what a huge mistake that would have been for both of us. I was trying too hard to rush things. I know patience is a virtue but it's never been one of mine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So how would you describe the current relationship between you and Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Guarded I'd say. He knows what I've been going through since my heart attack, although he doesn't realize the depth of my anxiety. I will admit that he's been very supportive. At least he's trying to be, which for Jeff is a big step. We talk more than we used to, and I'm able to tell him certain things that I've always been afraid to say in the past. I guess I've just gotten to the point where I will say or do anything because I don't care what he thinks anymore. I'm still working on getting him to understand that our problems are real, that they're not going to go away by themselves, and that he has to stop putting the blame on everyone else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who does he blame for the problems you're having?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Everyone, but mostly Robby or my friend Lisa. Actually she gets the brunt of it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What does Jeff see as Lisa's role in all this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He thinks that Lisa is the one who has put all these \"ideas\" in my head, like I'm not capable of thinking for myself. I think Jeff is jealous and intimidated by Lisa. She's very intelligent and Jeff doesn't deal well with intelligent women. Although he does respect the women that he works with, which I've always resented. I get really tired of hearing about Renee and Janet, the two women in his department. Neither of them are married or have children. They work hard and earn as much as he does. See, that's been a sore spot with me also. Because I don't make as much money as he does, my job is not as important. He sees my job as a hobby, not as a responsibility I have. My job gives me a sense of accomplishment and pride which Jeff thinks should come solely from being a wife and mother. He wants me to be more like his mother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Has Jeff told you that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, but he sees his mother as the picture-perfect example of motherhood. Hear him tell it, he had the perfect childhood. Whatever was done for him as a child will be done for our children...no more, no less. I was raised totally different. My parents are both professors. Both open-minded and uninhibited. They never put limits on us kids or made us feel less of a person for the way we felt. Growing up, I had very few restrictions. I was encouraged to explore and examine the world around me. We had a very unstructured, but extremely loving household. On the other hand, Jeff grew up in a very formal environment. Meatloaf every Tuesday, church on Sunday, never go to bed without brushing your teeth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You and Jeff disagree about how to raise your children?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, sometimes. For the most part I just go along with the flow, but there have been times when I have stood up for something I really believed in. When we were buying our first house, I wanted 4 bedrooms so that each of the kids could have their own room. Jeff just had a fit! He said when he was growing up he had to share a room with his brother, therefore J.J. and Nicolas had to share a room too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I said, \"Well, I didn't have to share a room with either of my sisters.\" But Jeff gets a nasty sneer on his face like he's thinking, \"Yeah and look how you guys all turned out.\" Jeff avoids my family like the plague. He says my folks are creepy and my sisters are psychotic. He says it's a wonder I turned out as normal as I am. I think he means that in a good way but it comes out sounding like a backhanded compliment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So how many bedrooms did you end up with?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Four but we use one as an office. The boys are still sharing a room. Jeff saw that as a reasonable compromise."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And this is okay with you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No it's not okay, but right now there's nothing I can do about it. I feel myself getting stronger as the weeks and months go by and I challenge Jeff more and more. I don't feel the need to correct past mistakes but I am trying to keep from making those mistakes again. I know that I am becoming a better person--someone I like and respect--and to me that's all that matters right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The transformations that you want to make are going to be difficult. It's not going to be easy to break the habits that you and Jeff have gotten in to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I realize that, but these changes have to be made if I'm to survive. For so many years I felt beaten and run down. That black cloud just hung over me but I know it is fading and one day it will disappear totally. At least that's what I'm hoping for."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well our time is over for today. I'd like to see you again next week if that's okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Next Monday at the same time?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, that will be fine. That's October 14th at 2 pm. See you then."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Dr. B."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 5th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, October 14, 1996 at 2 pm.\nHello Sarah. How have you been this week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not too bad, I guess. No worse than usual so I'm thankful for that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is there anything particular you'd like to talk about today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I had another strange dream the other night. This one really hit me hard. I was in a bedroom...I didn't recognize the room. It was dark, except for the moonlight coming through a small window, and there were sheer drapes surrounding the bed. There was a breeze blowing the drapes all around. I couldn't see who was in the bed but I felt I knew this person. I walked over to the bed and drew the drapes to the side and Robby was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was that the end of the dream?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. Suddenly we were making love. It was wonderful! I kept thinking, \"Finally I'm with the man I love.\" When we were finished making love, Robby slapped me across the face and dragged me by my hair over to a mirror. He held me in front of this mirror and said, \"There, are you happy now?\" He was so angry! I was afraid he would really hurt me!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did Robby ever abuse you when you were dating?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, that's why I was so surprised. He let go of me and when I turned around Robby was back on the bed, this time making love to 5 or 6 different men. They all looked at me and laughed. I started crying and screaming at Robby to stop, but he just kept laughing. When I woke up, I was still crying."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you think the dream means?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not sure. I've been thinking about the first time Robby and I made love. Maybe that's where the dream came from?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There's some similarity between the dream and the first time you and Robby had sex?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, that's not what happened, but it was just as embarassing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In what way?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was time for my Senior Prom and I wanted Robby to take me. He didn't want to go--said it was childish--so we compromised. He agreed to take me to some of the after parties. At the first party we stopped at, Robby proceded to get extremely drunk. I never saw him drink so much and I got really pissed! This was suppose to me my night and Robby was such an ass. He was flirting with every girl at this party and trying to set up dates with them for the following weekend! Of course they all knew that Robby and I were dating so they just laughed him off, but I was embarassed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I can see how that would be embarassing. What happened then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When I finally dragged him out of there, I decided to just take him home. By this time I was so angry I didn't care if I ever saw him again! I got him home and helped him up the stairs to his bedroom. He was only semi-drunk by this time and I had cooled off somewhat. As we sat on the edge of the bed, Robby put his arms around me and started kissing me. We had been in some pretty steamy embraces before that, but Robby never let it get too far. This time the limits were off! I knew we would make love that night. We rolled around on the bed for quite some time and when Robby decided it was time--that's what he told me, \"It's time\"--I held my breath and waited for the pain I thought would come with losing my virginity. Not knowing what exactly to expect, I was sadly disappointed to realize Robby didn't have an erection. He tried and tried to enter me but nothing worked, all the while he grumbled and mumbled under his breath. I thought he was probably just too drunk to get it up and I finally said, \"Let's just wait for another time.\" But he was determined."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Had you changed your mind? Did he try to take you by force?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it wasn't anything like that! I just thought both of us would be better prepared if we waited but, since he seemed so anxious, I went along with what he wanted. He asked me to perform oral sex on him and I did; it seemed to work, so then Robby said, \"it's time\" again, but this time he asked me to roll over on my stomach. A million thoughts were going through my head, but I complied. This time he got it right, but he was like an animal, almost savage, and when it was over I was relieved. It wasn't what I had expected or hoped for and I wasn't sure I wanted to have a repeat performance."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do after that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I left Robby sleeping in his bed and went home. I laid awake all that night thinking about what happened. I was sure it was the alcohol that had made him act so strangely, so I tried to put it out of my head and hoped that the next time would be better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was there a next time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes and it was the last time too. It was about a month later on a Friday night and Robby and I were sitting at his place watching some old black and white movie on TV. During a commercial Robby jumps up and says, \"I just remembered something a friend gave me,\" and he ran upstairs. I didn't think too much of it but when he came back down he had a video tape in his hand. I asked what it was and he told me it was a boot-leg copy of some adult erotica movie. Being the naive person that I was I said, \"Well, let's see what it is.\" I had never seen an X-rated movie before, so I was kind of in shock when I saw what it was. I just remember one woman having sex with two men, then another woman came in and all four of them were going at each other. First the women started kissing and touching each other, then the two guys started doing the same. When the one guy took the other guy into his mouth, that's when I said, \"Turn it off!\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did Robby do? Did he turn it off?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He just laughed but he did turn it off after another 10 or 15 minutes. I got up and went into the kitchen; I just couldn't stand to watch such garbage. It was starting to get late by this time and I told Robby I had to get home. I leaned over to kiss him good night and he pulled me down on his lap. That's when I noticed he had an erection. He said, \"You don't want to leave me like this, do you?\" and he took my hand and put it on his crotch. Within a few minutes we both had our clothes off and were making out on the sofa. He picked me up and carried me upstairs to his bedroom. By this time I was really aroused and thought it was very romantic that he carried me to the bed. I was in love with him and I thought, finally, we were taking our relationship to the next level. I thought it was unusual that he asked me again to roll over on my stomach, but I figured it shouldn't make any difference, so I did. This time he went slow and gentle, at least in the beginning. Toward the end he got a little rough, but it was after he had finished that I got worried."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He laid there on top of me for a few minutes catching his breath, then he said, \"Oh my God,\" and ran into the bathroom and started vomiting. Of course I'm laying there thinking, \"What is going on?\" I wrapped a sheet around me and went to the bathroom door to see if he was all right. He wouldn't answer me, so I threatened to kick the door down if he didn't unlock it and let me in. I heard water running and finally he opened the door. He looked awful. His face was pale and his hair was a mess. I put my hand to his forehead to see if perhaps he had a fever. He felt kind of clammy and I suggested he get back in bed, to which he agreed. I figured he was getting some flu bug or something and I didn't want to get it, so I tucked him in bed, kissed him on the check, and went home. I didn't hear from him the rest of the weekend. I tried calling but never got an answer. I was starting to get worried when he finally called me Sunday evening. He confirmed my suspicions and said he thought he had gotten food poisoning or something. We made a date for the following weekend, but he didn't keep the date."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why didn't he keep the date?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wednesday of that week he called and said he was going away to school. I was surprised since it was the first time he had mentioned anything about going to school. He told me he needed to go to the campus that weekend to register and find a place to live. Within three weeks he was gone. And I was pregnant. As they say, \"And the rest is history!\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Looking back, what are your feelings on what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Although I never wanted to admit it, I suppose Robby was struggling with his sexuality all along. I think he used me as a test of some sort. Obviously making love to me made him physically ill, so he went with his gut instinct and ran off to be free of me and find a life more suited to his real inclinations."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What were the circumstances when Robby actually told you of his homosexuality?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, like I told you before, at one point while I was working for him, I felt I was falling in love with him again...not again really because I never really stopped loving him. The feelings I had for him began to surface again. We were getting along so well and it felt so right to be with him. I convinced myself that what I had witnessed years earlier between him and his roommate was all just my imagination. It was his birthday and I took him out for lunch. He didn't have any patients scheduled for the afternoon, so after lunch we went back to his house and had a few beers to celebrate. We were just a little tipsy, at least I was--not drunk or anything, but I decided this was the best time to tell him how I was feeling. I barely got a word out of mouth when Robby said, \"Sarah, as much as I care for you, you have to know a relationship between us won't work.\" I immediately thought it was because I was married to his former best friend and I started rattling on about not hurting Jeff, but that after all these years we deserved to have a life together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That wasn't what he meant?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. He took my face in his heads and looked me right in the eye and said, \"No Sarah, this had nothing to do with Jeff. I'm gay.\" I thought he was lying just to get rid of me and I told him so, but he started telling me how his life had been since he realized he was gay. He told me that when his other friends started noticing the girls, he started to notice the boys. He told me a lot of things that afternoon and, when he was finished, I was convinced. No one could make up the pain and torrment that he had been through. We both cried."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did it make you feel to finally realize Robby was gay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's a hard question. Perhaps we could save that until next week? I'm very tired right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes that's fine. Same time next week? That'll be October 21st at 2 pm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll be here. Goodbye Dr. B."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 6th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, October 21, 1996 at 2 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello Dr. B. I should warn you I'm in kind of a bad mood today. I thought about canceling my appointment but I always feel better after talking to you, so I decided to keep the appointment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What has you in such a bad mood today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jeff. He left Saturday night and hasn't been back. And if he does come back I'm going to kill him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened?!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The bastards. I'm going to kill both of them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please Sarah, tell me what has happened."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jeff and Robby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about Jeff and Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Have you ever heard the song Ironic? I love it. \"An old man turns 98, he won the lottery and dies the next day. It's a black fly in your Chardonnay. It's a death row pardon, two minutes too late. Isn't it ironic, don't you think, it's like rain on your wedding day. It's a free ride when you've already paid. It's the good advise that you just didn't take. Mr. Play-it-Safe was afraid to fly. He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye. He waited his whole damn life to take that flight, and as the plane crashed down he thought, well isn't this nice?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm afraid I don't understand, Sarah. What is so ironic?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jeff and Robby. They're lovers."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Excuse me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "[Singing] \"A traffic jam when you're already late. A 'No Smoking' sign on your cigarette break. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife.\" Yup, I think I'll kill both of them. I wonder what would be the best way. I mean should I kill them at the same time, or would it be better to spread it out a little."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah I know you're upset right now, but try to tell me what happened."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. B., Jeff and Robby have been in love since high school. Since high school! Can you believe that? Isn't that about the funniest thing you've ever heard? I just think it's hilarious. It was all a big set up. The whole thing. Everything was planned. Every detail for the last 15 years was a friggin' plan. They set me up. I need a cigarette. Do you mind if I smoke?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm very confused. How did they set you up?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why do you think they chose me for their plan? Was I that stupid? Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. Live and learn, eh Doc? That's okay, I'll have the last laugh. Bastards! I hate men. No, I hate Jeff and Robby. They have fucked up my life for the last 15 years."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah please tell me what happened."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. We got a new answering machine last week. Our old one just died, so Jeff got one of those new ones that does everything. It has caller ID and last number memory re-dial...all that neat stuff. Well, Saturday morning I'm cleaning house and doing laundry. Jeff plays golf on Saturday mornings. No wait, that's not exactly true. I thought Jeff was playing golf, but it turns out he was playing with Robby. I guess he had a better chance of getting a \"Hole-in-One!\" with Robby than he did on the golf course! So anyway, I picked up the answering machine to dust the table underneath and I accidentally hit last number dialed. It flashes the number, day and time. I recognized the number right away. It was Robby's number. The call was made that morning, right before Jeff left the house. I must have been in the laundry room. I'm thinking to myself, \"Who the hell called Robby?\" Okay, so this was really bad of me, but I remembered one time when we were out to lunch and he called the office to get his messages. I remembered his code was #22. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or what I might find, but I hit the re-dial button and got Robby's answering machine. When it beeped, I put the code in and sure enough it still worked. There were four messages on his machine. Two was business related, one was his sister, and the last one was from Jeff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why was Jeff calling Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "To tell him he was running a little late that morning but would be there as soon as he could. At first I thought maybe they were just meeting to hash over all the old bullshit. They haven't talked much since Robby came back to town; well, Jeff always said he was uncomfortable knowing his best friend was gay. I don't know what I thought really. There just didn't seem to be a logical answer and I was trying to make some sense out of it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What made you come to the conclusion that Jeff and Robby are lovers?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first it was just a gut feeling. I called my friend Lisa and told her what I had done and what I suspected. She thought I was nuts! She told me to take my medicine and call my shrink then she hung up on me. She called me back a few minutes later and apologized, but anyway we decided to take a drive by Robby's house. Lisa figured it would satisfy my curiosity to go by and see that Jeff was not there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was Jeff there?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well we weren't sure at first. We didn't see his car, but I had a feeling it might have been parked in the garage, so we drove around the back alley and Lisa jumped out to look in the garage window. When she got back in the car, I knew without asking she had seen Jeff's car. Her face was totally white! She said, \"Let's get the hell out of here!\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wanted to watch for Jeff to come out of the house, but I was afraid he'd see my car, so we went back to Lisa's house and borrowed her husband's car. We drove back to Robby's house and parked down the street. Jeff was still there, and we waited for almost 2 hours before he finally came out. The garage door started going up, and just as it reached about the half way point, I could see them both fairly clearly. Jeff was already in the car and Robby leaned in and kissed him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you confront Jeff with what you witnessed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, you better believe I confronted him! I got back home and called my mother to come get the kids. I didn't want them to be around when Jeff got home. Apparently he did go play golf, but it was after he played with Robby. He walked in the back door and I was sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of coffee. I asked how his game went and he said, \"Not bad.\" I said, \"That's good. How was your visit your Robby?\" You should have seen the look on his face! It was priceless! His knees actually went limp and I thought he was going to faint. I loved it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did he say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He recovered quickly and naturally tried to deny it. I let him go on and on, telling me he had no idea what I was talking about. He said, \"Sarah, I think you've finally gone over the edge.\" I just sat there very calmly and listened to his bullshit. \"I know you've been having a lot of problems lately, but I think you've gone too far this time. What the hell do you think I am...\" Then right in the middle of his sermon I said, \"Jeff stop it. I've seen you two kissing.\" He just stood there staring at me, then he turned around and went back out the door. That was the last I've seen or heard from him since Saturday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you plan to do now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I told you. I'm going to kill both of them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, you don't really mean that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I do. I just haven't decided how to do it yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, you're not thinking straight right now. Think about what you're saying. What about your children? How will they feel if you kill their father?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I'm certainly not going to tell them I killed their father. I've thought about this calmly and dispassionately. It's the right answer. It'll have to be an accident of some sort. Maybe cut the brake line on his car or something. No, the cops always figure that one out. I have to give this some more thought."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, perhaps some time away would do you some good. You are under a time of enormous stress which can't be good for your heart in addition to your peace of mind. I know of a place in St. Helena in the wine country which could be just the place for you to get your thinking together. You'll feel a lot better if you can get some rest and really sort out how you feel and what you want to do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh thanks that's nice, but really I feel fine. Anyway the sooner I get this over with, the better I'll feel. In fact, I'd better get going. I have to stop at the hardware store on the way home this afternoon. The mice are acting up and I was thinking about some poison. Next week same time okay with you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, you've come here obviously in crisis. As I understand what you've told me, the cornerstone of your belief system has just been knocked out by your husband and by the man you love. You are acting a lot like somebody suffering from emotional shock, which is understandable. But you can't pretend to be calmly analytical when you are plotting a rage double murder. Can you skip the rat poison for a moment and just talk to me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure Doc. I didn't mean to upset you. What do you want to talk about?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well I want to be sure that you aren't actually serious about trying to harm either Robby or Jeff. That's not a solution here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don't you think just a tiny bit of castration would be fair turnabout? No Doctor. Don't worry. It's just a fantasy. I'm sure that Jeff and I are going to come to some reasonable understanding. As you said, there's the kids to think about after all. See? I'm calm and rational."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps you would like me to prescribe something for you to get over the rough spots?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well I've been taking the Xanax and that seems fine to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you been feeling any chest pain or breathlessness?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Actually it's a bit surprising, but physically I feel fine. Robust even. Somehow this event has energized me. I feel like a new woman. And I really do have to go, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If I let you just walk out of here, you aren't going to do anything rash, are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Rash? Well I might I guess. But I won't kill anybody Doctor. I promise. Set your mind at ease."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you call me tomorrow? I'd like to hear from you about how things are going. And I'd like to hear from you when Jeff returns."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure Doc. I'll be sure to call you if I need to, okay? And I'll see you next week at this time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You've been through quite a shock. I'd really like it if you checked in with me tomorrow. We can work through this thing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know Doctor. Thank you again. Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 7th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Wednesday, November 20, 1996 at 2:30 pm.\nSarah, it's good to see you. Please come in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks Dr. B. I'm glad to be back. Thanks for making time for me today."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was happy to. I'm sorry that you can only stay half an hour. You've had several bombshells fall on you over the last few weeks. How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm doing okay, I think. Just taking one day at a time right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's good to hear. Last time we talked you said Jeff had asked you to allow Robby to move into your home during his illness. Have you made a decision about that situation?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Robby is moving in this weekend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh? So quickly? Has his illness taken a turn for the worse already?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, actually Robby is feeling fairly well physically. Mentally he's a mess. He's been given a death sentence. He knows he'll die."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you gone for your HIV test yet, Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have an appointment tomorrow."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Better to get that out of the way as soon as possible."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but I'm not too concerned about it. Like I told you, Jeff has already been tested and he's clean, so chances are I'm okay, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So tell me what living arrangements you have made with Jeff and Robby."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, we have a small apartment above our garage. Originally it was going to be for my parents or Jeff's parents when they could no longer live in their own homes. A \"mother-in-law\" apartment! Anyway, Jeff uses it mostly for storage right now, so Robby will move in there. Of course, Robby has to sell his dental practice. I think that's the toughest for him right now. He's feeling a lot of guilt, as well he should."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem to be taking this whole thing very well, Sarah. You're allowing your husband's gay lover to move into your home. This is a big decision to make. Are you sure about all this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes, I'm sure. This is the way it's suppose to end. I always knew that Robby and I would be together at his death...of course, I didn't realize what our relationship would be at the time of his death."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're talking about your belief in reincarnation?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Robby and I have lived many life times together, always kept apart for some reason. I can only hope we have both learned our lessons in this lifetime, and will be allowed to be together in our next."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And Robby does not share this view?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, but men always have a harder time accepting things they can't logically or scientifically explain. But in the end he'll recognize me and he'll go knowing he'll see me again soon."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Soon? Are you saying your death will occur soon after Robby's?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not like that, but death just seems a short nap compared to living a long life. It will seem like soon for Robby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. So what are your plans now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've given my notice at work. I'm going to stay until the end of the year, but then I'll be home to help take care of Robby as he needs me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So Robby is just going to become like a family member? What have told your children?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, the kids have known Robby for years. He's been to the house many times. I guess you could say he was already like family...except toward the end when I hated him so much. But the kids know Robby is going to be living above the garage and that he's not going to be a dentist anymore. We've told them he's very sick, although we haven't said what he has. At this point, I don't want a load of shit from anyone about having a man with AIDS living in our house."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, that's probably a wise decision. Will you and Jeff have to support Robby financially?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, thank goodness. Apparently Robby has been able to create quite a little nest egg for himself, which is a good thing since when his medications come in, he'll have to pay an arm and leg, and we certainly can't afford to help him in that way. The money we have saved is for the kids' college. We're not touching that!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm very curious to know what the relationship between Jeff and Robby will be while Robby is living with you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, they're in love, you know, so I suppose they'll maintain some sort of physical relationship, although I know for a fact Jeff won't risk contacting AIDS from Robby. This has really scared him! He's clean and he's going to stay that way! I don't know much about AIDS, but I imagine in the end Robby will be too sick to have any sort of relationship with Jeff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So what is the current standing of the relationship between you and Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What relationship? Whatever we had is over. The only reason I'm letting him stay is because of the kids. The kids love their dad and it would be cruel to pull them away from him. Jeff and I have talked about this and neither of us wants the kids to know that Jeff is gay. At least not now. Maybe later when they're older."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand letting Jeff stay, but why are letting Robby stay, too?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I said before, this is fate working. I cannot go against what is woven into the spokes of life. It will be interesting to see how this develops. Living in the same house with a man I've loved most of my life, who's now dying of AIDS, and who happens to be in love with my husband. Sounds like something from a friggin' soap opera!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you sure you will be able to handle all that is bound to come with this living arrangement?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, but that's why I have you Dr. B."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes Sarah, you'll always have me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, I appreciate your support. The half hour's up and I have to get back. Can I make an appointment for the same time as my usual session next week?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, I'll see you then. Let's see, that's November 25th at 2 pm. Goodbye Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Dr. B."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 8th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, November 25, 1996 at 2:00 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah. Please come in and make yourself comfortable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks Dr. B. I could use some comfort today."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rough weekend?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robby moved in this weekend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. How did that go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, the moving part went fine. I took the day off from work on Friday so I could get the apartment cleaned up. Jeff and Robby got all the big stuff moved on Saturday. The apartment is kind of small so Robby doesn't have room for a lot of his things. I think when he sells his house, he'll have to have an auction to unload the rest of the crap."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What arrangements has Robby made about his dental practice?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He just rents the office, so that's no big deal. He is sending a letter to all his patients saying he is retiring and recommending they allow their records to be transferred to the office of Dr. Martha Grant. She just opened an office over on Geary Street and she's agreed to take over his patients. It helps Robby out of a tight spot, and Martha will get a good start, too. It'll work out for both of them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did things go emotionally this weekend?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, there really wasn't much time for emotional baggage. Too much work to do. I did get a chance to speak with Robby alone though, and that was pretty heart-wrenching."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Last night Jeff went to the office to catch up on some work. I was going to start the laundry so I went up to see if Robby had anything to be washed. He seemed a little uncomfortable being alone with me. Anyway, he told me how much he appreciates my letting him move into the apartment, especially under the circumstances."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What was your reaction?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I really didn't know what to say, so I didn't saying anything. I just stood there staring at him. Finally he said, \"Sarah, it's not like you to be speechless. I know you're hurting too. Say what's on your mind.\" The last 15 years went through my mind like a videotape on fast-forward. It's hard to believe this is the same man I've known since high school. It's hard to believe one person can bring such joy and such sorrow in the same lifetime."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you tell Robby what you were thinking?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You realize this living arrangement is going to be extremely...."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nerve-wracking? Heartbreaking? Yes, I've already thought about all that. Nothing to do with Robby will be easy from now on. I know it will be difficult to stand by and watch him die."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Has Robby started any drug therapy for his illness yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes....I think so, but I'm not sure what it is. Jeff was trying to tell me about it, but I can't stand to be in the same room with him anymore, so I wasn't really listening."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you think is going to be more difficult; living with Jeff or living with Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not sure. Living with Robby I imagine will be the hardest part. Seeing his health deteriorate, watching him cling to life. I have no feelings for Jeff so being in the same house with him won't effect me one way or another. Of course, Jeff is sucking up to me big time. Seeing him so humbled makes me laugh inside. I told him the only reason he is still living in the house is because of the kids. I refuse to allow my children's lives to be torn apart over this. Jeff is more of an annoyance to me than anything else and he knows it. He'll do anything to keep on my good side. A big change from the way things have been between us over the last 15 years! I set down some rules for him and he has sworn to abide by whatever I want."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rules? What sort of rules?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mostly concerning physical contact with Robby if the kids or I are anywhere near. I know that neither of them will risk Jeff getting AIDS, but I still don't want the kids or myself to see them in a compromising position."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What other rules did you set down?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, mostly just bullshit. I was making them up as I went along. Actually it was kind of fun. I'm finally in a position of control over Jeff and it feels wonderful! I told Jeff that this was my game now, and we'd all play by my rules or we wouldn't play at all. One of the things I told him was that I wanted $300 deposited into my private account every week. Since I'm not going to be working, I want some compensation for taking care of his sick lover. He asked me what I was going to use the money for and I told him it was none of his business. He laughed right in my face and said, \"You're not getting any more money out of me than you need to run this house.\" That was the wrong thing to say to me. I slapped him upside the head so quick he never saw it coming! It was great!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You hit your husband?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I didn't hit my husband! I hit Jeff....he's no more my husband than you are. A husband doesn't do the things to his wife that Jeff has done to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you really think resorting to physical abuse is going to make the situation any better?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh please! Don't talk to me about abuse! What the hell have I been through the last 15 years? Emotional, verbal, psychological abuse! It's pay-back time! If I can protect myself, I will use whatever is necessary."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, I understand how you feel, but you're not in physical danger from Jeff. How can you justify hitting him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Look, all I did was give him a good slap across the head. I didn't hurt him. All it did was get his attention. And it will teach him not to laugh at me anymore. I have to set some precedents for the way things are going to be from now on. I've been under his thumb for so long and I'm not about to let him take advantage of me ever again. He'll soon learn his place and then I won't have to worry about it again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope you know what you're doing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well I've certainly never heard or seen a situation like this, so I'm not sure of the proper ettiquette. I don't think Emily Post has written anything about this. How does a woman treat her gay husband? How does a woman treat the man she loves who is dying of AIDS? I'm trying to keep the two issues separate. The man I'm married to is in love with another man. To me that is totally separate from the fact that the man I love has AIDS. I try not to think about the fact that they are the same person for both of us. I will treat Jeff like the dog he is, and I'll do my best to be there for Robby if and when he needs me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If I may ask a personal question Sarah, what is the purpose of having Jeff deposit money into a private account? Don't you normally have access to Jeff's money?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you joking? Jeff gives me just enough money every week to buy groceries. No more, no less. I have no idea what he spends the rest of his money on. I mean, I know he pays the bills and things, but if there's anything extra, it comes out of my pay. At the beginning of the school year, J.J.'s teacher sent a note home saying she thought he needed his eyes checked. Jeff threw a fit. You'd have thought I'd just asked him to cut an arm off. I ended up paying for his eye exam and new glasses. I buy all the new school clothes, I buy all the Christmas presents and birthday presents, I make the payments on my car. I need that money to survive on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If that is the case, I can certainly understand your reasoning. Do you think Jeff will give you any trouble over the money?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, because if he does...well, let's just say it wouldn't be in his best interest. I think once he realizes I hold all the cards and he begins to take me seriously, all will go smoothly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope you're right."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me too. I'm just going to take things as they come, one day at a time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Speaking of time, ours is up for today. Can you come in next week at the same time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, that'll be fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, that's Monday, December 2nd at 2 pm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks Dr. B. See you next week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 9th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, December 2, 1996 at 2:00 pm.\nHello Sarah. Please come in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi Doctor B. How was your Thanksgiving?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very nice, thank you. How was yours?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I lived through it, so I suppose that's the best I can hope for."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did your family do for Thanksgiving?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We all went to Jeff's parents' house. I've always hated going to his folks' house for holidays. All his mother does is whine and complain, his sister is the bitch from hell, his brother is such a snob he won't talk to anyone else, and his grandmother sits in the rocking chair in the corner getting smashed on cranberry wine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds like an interesting bunch of people."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah right. And lucky me, I get to spend Christmas there too!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said all of you went to Jeff's parents. Does that mean Robby went with you too?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What about him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does his family know he and Robby are lovers?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hardly! Jeff's family is very unaccepting of anything not within a certain normal range of behavior. Being gay is not acceptable. And I don't really give a shit if Jeff tells his family. They'd find some way to blame it on me anyway, so I'd just assume they don't know. Besides, the fewer people that know, the better. I can't risk it getting back to the kids. They're just not ready for a load of information like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes I understand. How are the kids getting along given the situation between you and your husband?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jeff is not my husband. He's the man I'm married to. That's it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sorry. I know how strongly you feel about that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There's really nothing different for them. They know we had a fight, Jeff moved out for awhile, but now's he's back and everything is fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you don't think the children will suffer because of the stress and strain between you and Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I'm doing everything within my power to keep things as simple as possible. If I need to talk with Jeff, we do it privately. Jeff knows he's on thin ice with me anyway. He's not going to do anything to jeopardize the arrangements we've made."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That statement brings to mind something you said in an earlier session, that while you were working for Robby at the office, you felt you were living two separate lives. Is that the way you feel now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not exactly. I feel as though I'm finally getting to the place I want to be...the me I want to be. I'm one person who is dealing with two separate issues. But no, I don't feel the need to be one person for Jeff and another person for Robby. I'm Sarah. This is how I am and both of them can rot in hell if they don't like it. I've come too far to ever let things go back to the way they were. There may have been big changes on the inside, but I'm telling you, nothing has changed on the outside."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nothing has changed except an old friend has moved into your home."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Actually the kids think it's cool having Robby live so close, especially Melissa. In fact, I've been a little worried about that. Melissa has always liked Robby a lot. And now that Robby knows she's his daughter, I think he's trying to get to know her better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "On the one hand I feel elated about it. Melissa's father, the man I've been in love with since high school, is finally going to have a relationship with our daughter. Though it won't be a conventional relationship, I think it's wonderful that Robby wants to have a relationship with her in the first place. He missed so much as she was growing up. But I really don't know how he feels about her, either. When I told him he was Melissa's father, he was kind of surprised, but then later said that he had a feeling all along. I guess I thought he would have made a greater effort by now to get to know his daughter."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think Robby will tell Melissa he's her real father?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I don't think so. But I suppose I should talk to him about it. I don't want to limit their time together. I want Robby to know Melissa and for her to know him. Someday I'll tell her and I want her to have good memories of her real father. I'm just going to have to be extra careful when it comes to dealing with my daughter. But I don't want to talk about Robby anymore today, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Whatever you want Sarah. Why don't you tell me how you've been feeling physically?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Headaches mostly. And I think that's from grinding my teeth in my sleep."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How have your sleep patterns been lately?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Better than a few months ago. But sometimes I still can't sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. I get a lot of work done, though!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Anything else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I don't know if this is physical or not, but I'm lonely."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Loneliness can be a physical or emotional symptom of what's going on in your life right now. Can you explain how you feel about being lonely?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It feels like something is definitely missing in my life, but I can't explain what it is. It's like I have this need to be touched or held. I miss being close to someone. Even when Jeff and I had a physical relationship, it was better than nothing. Now there is nothing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you trying to say you feel sexually unfulfilled?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I suppose that's all it is. It will pass, I'm sure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you tried..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let's not go there, okay Doctor B? That's just a little too personal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's fine Sarah. We don't have to discuss anything you're uncomfortable with."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's not that I'm exactly uncomfortable talking about sex. It's just that something happened last week that really caught me off guard and made me think."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can we talk about it next week? I'm kind of tired right now. I think I would like go home now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure. Can you come in next week at the same time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes. I'll be here. See you then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay then. Goodbye Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 10th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, December 9, 1996 at 2:00 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah. How are you today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not bad. How about you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm fine thanks. I was reading over my notes from our last session. You mentioned feeling lonely, and at the end of our session, you said something happened that had caught you off guard. Do you want to start by talking about that today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know the more I thought about it, the sillier I felt. It was nothing, I'm sure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps you're right, but last week you seemed quite affected by it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I was. I experienced something that left me feeling very guilty and a bit uncomfortable. My best friend Lisa--I've told you about her--well I had a brief encounter of sorts with her husband Glen. It was nothing really, but at the time I felt kind of strange about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you want to talk about what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I stopped by Lisa's house the day before Thanksgiving. Her husband works swing shift and he was home alone. I had forgotten Lisa had a doctor's appointment, but he invited me in and we had a really nice conversation. He asked me how things were going with Jeff and Robby and that whole mess. He and I have always been fairly close. I mean, he's my best friend's husband, but he's also my friend too. When he and Lisa were having some trouble in their marriage, I was the one Glen turned to for moral support. He can't stand Jeff either, but that's beside the point. So anyway, we're sitting at the kitchen table having coffee, nothing unusual, and all of a sudden I feel an anxiety attack coming on from out of nowhere. That's what's so frustrating sometimes; they catch me off guard."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I didn't want Glen to get upset. He's been very touchy with me ever since I had the heart attack. I think it scared him as much as it did me! He must have noticed the look on my face because he says, \"Sarah, what's the matter?\" I reached for my purse right away to take an Xanax, and I started pacing the floor, hoping the anxiety wouldn't get out of hand. If it had gotten really bad, it would have been really embarassing to have him see me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So it wasn't a terribly bad anxiety attack?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I've had much worse. Once I feel like I don't have to keep moving I always get extremely tired, so Glen had me lie on the sofa and he brought me some juice to drink. He was just making such a fuss over me--rubbing my arm, telling me it was okay, that sort of thing. Well I started to cry, as is the norm for me when I have an anxiety attack. He put his arms around me and started rocking back and forth. The movement seemed to calm me. It wasn't until a few hours later, after I got back home, that it occured to me the things he said while he was rocking me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did he say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first it was just calming things like, \"Shh it's okay.\" But then I remembered him saying, \"Poor sweet Sarah. She's too beautiful to cry. Who made sweet Sarah cry.\" Then later, when I had stopped crying, he kissed the tears from my cheeks. I knew then something had changed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What changed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not sure what it was. I know that I was emotionally raw at the moment, but when he touched my cheek it felt good. It felt right. That's when I started feeling guilty and uncomfortable. I realized what time it was and told Glen I had to get home. He didn't want me to go, but as I put my coat on, he put his arms around me and whispered in my ear, \"If you ever need anything, I'm here for you.\" And that was all there was to it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you say anything to him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just said, \"Thanks I appreciate that.\" Then I left. See? I told you it was silly. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it at all. He was just trying to be caring and..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you sure?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course I'm sure. He's Lisa's husband. My god, we've be friends for years.... all right, I'm not so sure what he meant by what he said."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Here, would you like a tissue?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. I'm sorry, I don't mean to fall apart. It's just that this has been really agonizing for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps if you limit your time alone with him, this won't turn into a problem."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's not what is bothering me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then what is bothering you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know this must sound awful, but I think I'd actually like to spend more time alone with him. I've been having dreams about him and I just can't seem to get him off my mind."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can't believe I just said that! What is wrong with me? I don't have enough problems that now I'm attracted to my best friend's husband? I need to be locked up somewhere."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Try to calm down Sarah. Let's look at this logically."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There is no logic to this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps there is. You have been in a marriage that is less than satisfactory. You've been in love with a man with whom you can't have a physical relationship because he's gay, and now you find yourself physically attracted to a man you've been friends with for a long time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you think I'm transferring my feelings for Robby to someone else?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Could be. Tell me a little about Glen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh he's such a really nice man. I've always teased Lisa that if she ever dumped him, I wanted first dibs. He's a wonderful husband and a wonderful father. He helps Lisa around the house, gives her everything he can. He's loving and caring...now that I think about it, he's everything Jeff isn't."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let's stop there for a minute. You've been friends with Glen for quite a while. He has a lot of qualities that you'd like Jeff to have. And apparently you find him physically attractive, yes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes absolutely! Tall, sandy blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes. And his body...well, it belongs on the cover of Playgirl."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Describe Robby to me, Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robby? Well he's kind of tall. Thin but muscular. He works out a lot. Blonde hair, blue eyes, nice tan.... Oh my god, why didn't I see this before?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robby, Jeff....Glen...oh, I can't believe this. I'm attracted to Glen because he reminds me of Robby and he's the opposite of Jeff!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's what it sounds like to me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What the hell am I going to do? I certainly can't carry on a relationship with Glen. If Lisa found out, she'd kill us both! The best thing to do is just put him right out of my mind. I can't give this another thought!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah I'm afraid it may not be that easy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, yes it will. I'll just forget the whole thing. This is nothing, honestly. Even if I wanted to--and I don't--I would never do anything to hurt Lisa."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sure you wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone, but if you continue feeling this way about Glen, you may have bigger problems down the road."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You said yourself I'm probably just transferring my unfulfilled desires from one man to another. It will pass. I love Robby. I'll always love him. Nothing will change that. I just need to put my mind on other things, like making Jeff's life miserable."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are things with you and Jeff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine I suppose. We try to avoid each other as much as possible. He had to fly down to San Diego last Friday morning, just for a quick meeting, and he decided he wanted to take Robby with him and they would just stay for the whole weekend. I told him no way was he taking his gay lover anywhere! I threatened to call his mother and tell her what her baby boy has been up to if he went anywhere with Robby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And Jeff agreed not to take Robby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course he agreed. He's not a total fool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you really have told his mother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, but if that's what works, I'll use anything I can against him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why didn't you want him to take Robby to San Diego with him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because....I'm jealous I suppose. If I can't be with Robby, I certainly don't want Jeff to be with him either."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But don't you want Robby to be happy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robby is happy. A trip to San Diego wouldn't make him any happier and it would only leave me feeling depressed, so why allow it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, you still haven't accepted the relationship between Jeff and Robby have you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think I've done pretty damn well accepting it. Let's be real...I've let the two of them move into my home, what else can I do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I still feel a lot of anger from you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe so, but I'm dealing with things the best I can right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well we're out of time for today, but I'd like to see you next week at the 2 pm. Is that okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure that's fine. I'll see you next Monday. Goodbye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 11th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, December 16, 1996 at 2:00 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah. How are you today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi Dr. B. I'm pretty good. How about you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm well, thank you. Only nine shopping days until Christmas--are you finished with everything?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, actually I've hardly begun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh? So I couldn't talk you into doing my shopping for me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ha Ha, Dr. B. I wish someone would do my shopping too. I just can't seem to get into Christmas this year."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well that's not surprising considering what you've been through, Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I suppose so, but Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. When I was little, my parents would always take us to our grandparents house for Christmas. They lived in Illinois, just north of Chicago. They lived in this beautiful Colonial house and Grandmother always had a Christmas tree in every room! Even the bathrooms had tiny decorated trees! But the entryway was alway my favorite. As we'd pull into the driveway, Granddaddy would be waiting for us, wearing that silly hat with the flaps over the ears. All of us girls would jump out of the car to hug Granddaddy, but my eyes were always on the door. I knew what I'd see even before we went inside. The entry was like a room in itself. Black and white tiled floor and a beautiful crystal chandelier hanging from the 20 foot ceiling, and the staircase in the middle that went up and then split into two other staircases, one to the right, one to the left. But the tree in that room was always where all the gifts were. It was huge! Floor to ceiling and every year Granddaddy would cut the tree down by himself. Even when he was too old to do it, he'd insist. When I was older, standing in front of that tree made me feel like a little girl. Safe and warm...and loved. Grandmother would come out of the kitchen wearing an apron with flour all over her face and hands and we'd jump into her arms for hugs and kisses, and she'd always say the same thing, \"I ordered this beautiful snow just for you girls!\" And we'd say, \"Oh Grandmother, God makes the snow not you!\" and she'd say, \"Yes, but I asked God to send the snow for my little snow angels!\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds as though you have very fond memories of Christmas as a child."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do your grandparents still live in Illinois?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, they're both dead now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh I'm sorry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's okay. Granddaddy died in the summer I turned 17, and Grandmother went just about 3 months later. They had been married over 60 years. They were so much in love that when Granddaddy died, I think Grandmother died of a broken heart. My parents are alot like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were these your mother's parents or your father's?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My mother's. I never knew my father's parents. They both died before I was born. When Grandmother died, I felt so sorry for my mother. They were so close. But then Melissa was born not too long after that and my mother believes she is my Grandmother reincarnated."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? What do you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think Mother is probably right. When Melissa is old enough to understand, I'm sure Mother will want her to go through past life regression therapy to verify it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your family has some very unique beliefs."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I suppose some would think it strange, but to us it is just normal. We always believed that death was just another beginning and that the people we loved in one life we would find in our next life also. The roles may have changed but the soul is still there and that is the part that we recognize in each other."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And this is the same belief system you've based your relationship with Robby on, is that correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes for the most part. We are bonded to each other from some age long past, and we will be together again in some age to come. Even my mother recognized Robby's soul the first time she met him. We've all been together before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see and do you..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'd rather not reminisce anymore, Dr. B."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's fine Sarah. Is there something else you'd like to talk about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, just not that. There's just no way you're ever going to understand."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're probably right Sarah, but I still find it somewhat fascinating."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah well...let's change the subject. I've only got another 2 weeks of work left. I'll be glad when I'm finished. At first I was unsure about quitting my job, but the closer it gets to my last day the better I feel."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have they found a replacement for you yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No but they'd better find one soon, or I'm not going to have time to train someone. I actually wanted a month to train the new person, but I guess that's not going to happen."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think they're stalling in hopes you'll decide to stay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No! That would be a Robby thing to do. No, I just think they're having trouble finding someone with enough experince to handle the position."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you are looking forward to having some free time to yourself?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, at least for awhile. Until Robby needs my attention more and more. With the money Jeff is giving me every week, which is all going into a separate account in my name only, I shouldn't have to worry too much about finances."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jeff still isn't giving you any grief about the money?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, he knows better. Actually, I've put the account in mine and my mother's name, that way if anything happens to me, my mother will get the money instead of Jeff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you intend to use that money for?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Whatever I want. All the things I've wanted to do and places I've wanted to see that Jeff would never allow. I want to go to New Orleans during Mardi Gras. I want to take my mother on a Carribbean cruise. She wants to try scuba diving. There's a ton of things I want to do!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Basically you're going to make up for all the things you feel Jeff has denied you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes but I realize I was denying those things to me also. It wasn't all Jeff's fault. If I'd stuck up for myself when I should've, I probably wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. I let Jeff, and Robby as far as that goes, treat me the way they did. That was my fault. But as you know, things are not that way any more."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes Sarah, I've seen some major changes in your attitude since we've begun our sessions together."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I have to say you've helped me realize so much. I don't know if I could've gotten this far without your help and support, Dr. B."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you Sarah, I'm glad that you feel I've been able to help you through some difficult times. We have a few minutes left, do you mind if I ask you about Glen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He called me last week from work. I'm glad Jeff didn't answer the phone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Basically he just wanted to make sure I was okay, but then he asked if we could get together for lunch sometime the week after Christmas. Lisa's parents are coming for 2 weeks and Lisa will be occupied with them, so neither of us will be missed for a few hours."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you agree to meet him for lunch?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I told him I had to check my calendar and see what days I had free."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But do you intend to meet him clandestinely?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I think I will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you given this sufficient thought?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No I'm sure I haven't, but just having lunch with the man doesn't mean we'll end up in bed together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're right, it doesn't have to result in a physical relationship. I would just like to suggest..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh look, our time is up for today...don't want to make you late for your next appointment!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay Sarah, I can take a hint. Can you come in next week at the same time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, if it's okay with you, I'd like to skip next week. I'm going to have so much to do just before Christmas. How about the week after?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. Have a Merry Christmas Dr. B.!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you Sarah. Merry Christmas to you too. See you on the 30th."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 12th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, December 30, 1996 at 2:00 pm.\nGood afternoon Sarah. How was your holidays?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine thanks. And yours?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very nice, thank you. Do you have plans for New Year's Eve?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes and no. We've been invited to several parties, but I'm not really in the partying mood. My friend Lisa and her husband are going to Las Vegas for New Year's Eve! Now that might be fun!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Speaking of Lisa and her husband, last time we talked you said you had agreed to meet Glen for lunch. Did that meeting take place?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes, we had lunch. Then we went across the street to a sleazy motel and had an afternoon of incredible sex!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I certainly didn't plan it. It just happened, you know? It really was great though!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you want to talk about this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not sure there's much to talk about. We had lunch, we talked, we had sex. Then we had sex again. And then once more!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you were extremely concerned about not hurting your friend Lisa. Has that changed? Do you not care anymore?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, of course that hasn't changed. Okay, here's the deal. Lisa knew about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm afraid I don't understand."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It seems my friend has a fetish that she's never told me about. She likes to hear about the women that her husband fucks. She likes to hear all the details, then it turns her on so much they have wild sex. I'm told that she sometimes likes to watch too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So how did you come about this information?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I can understand."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She just started giggling and telling me, \"Shhh, be quiet. I don't want Glen to know that I told you I know.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Now I'm really confused."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah so was I, but then she started telling me how \"The Game\" usually works. Usually, it's someone Lisa doesn't know. Seems if there's a women Glen is attracted to--say someone he works with--they get together a few times for some great sex, Glen tells Lisa all the details, the woman doesn't feel bad about hurting anyone...everyone's happy!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So why did Lisa decide to tell you about The Game?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's exactly what I asked her! She said she knew how I would feel if Glen and I had sex. The remorse, guilt, et cetera, et cetera. She wanted me to know it was okay with her and she wanted me to have a good time without feeling bad about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She seems to be quite open-minded."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, she's always been that way. I just never realized to what extent."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, so Lisa basically grants permission for you and her husband to have an affair. What happened after that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "First of all, it wasn't an affair. To me, an affair is something that's done behind someone's back....there's potential for hurt in an affair. What Glen and I did was two friends spending some quality time together. No one gets hurt, and everyone gains some sort of benefit from The Game."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right, in your mind it's not an affair. You and Glen spend the afternoon together in a cheap motel..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sleazy. There's a difference."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Excuse me. You and Glen spend the afternoon together in a sleazy motel and Glen didn't know you had already talked to Lisa about it, is that correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Part of what turns Glen on is the seduction, so I let him seduce me. Actually, it was the best part of The Game. He's really good at what he does. I was about ready to go off before he even had my clothes off!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you pretend not to know about The Game, and Glen seduces you and you end up having sex three times that afternoon?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes and one time the next day."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The next day? Was that part of The Game also?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. We did it in their garage, on his workbench."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did Lisa know about that time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not ahead of time, but he told her soon after."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And she was still okay with that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh definitely! But I still have to pretend that I don't know about The Game. If Glen knew I was playing a role in it, he wouldn't enjoy it as much. As I said, he gets off on the seduction part. It would be hard to seduce someone who was willing to....well you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I'm beginning to see the picture. So earlier, when you said it wasn't planned, that it just happened, you weren't really being honest?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No I wasn't. I wasn't sure if I should tell you, but then I figured what the hell. I've told you everything else about my twisted life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, I can certainly understand if there are things you'd rather not discuss with me, but being honest when we do discuss things will always produce the best results from our sessions."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes I know that. I just wasn't sure what your reaction would be, but like I said, you've never judged me on anything before so I decided to come clean."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm not here to judge you, Sarah. I just want to help you understand the feelings and emotions that you have and help you make the right decisions for yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And I appreciate that more than you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. So tell me, have you talked with Lisa about the events that have occurred between you and Glen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, we've talked at length. She is one wild woman! Glen came home and told her all about how he seduced me, and that he almost had me talked into having sex in the car, but I insisted on the sleazy motel across the street. We both laughed because she knows how I've been feeling lately...sexually frustrated and all. Hell, it was all I could do to keep from saying, \"Glen, do me right here right now!\" Anyway Lisa told me that Glen really enjoyed himself and she wondered if I enjoyed myself too. I told her that I definitely had a good time. Then she asked me if I'd ever had anyone who was so big."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Big? I thought you said he was muscular but slight of build."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Come on, Dr. B. Big, you know? His penis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm sorry if I embarrass you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No no, that's fine. Please continue."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I was quite impressed with his playing piece. My god, I think he's probably as big around as a soup can! Anyway, it was all good and wonderful and fun, and I'm going to do it again as soon as possible!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It does sound as though you have found a relief valve, but are you sure this is safe?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, if you mean \"safe\" as in safe sex, we used a condom every time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes that, but also safe as in emotionally safe? I'm concerned that down the line you may begin to regret playing The Game with Lisa and her husband."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. B., right now the game has put something back into my life that's been missing for a long time. I feel fulfilled and...filled!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But what about emotionally? Are you filled emotionally, Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I suppose not. But being physically fulfilled can replace emotional needs, at least for awhile anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but I just hope you don't start getting the two confused and...."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh would you look at the time! I've got to get going. Can we set something up for same time next week?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That'll be great. Thanks Dr. B. See you next week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, September 16, 1996 at 9:30 am.\nHello?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello, Doctor. I'm glad I caught you. I have to cancel our appointment for today."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How come Sarah?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can't you hear it? I have a bad sinus infection. I'm just laid out. Any time I lift my head, I can't believe the headache."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You do sound like you're from New York all of a sudden. Okay, well let me ask you about the alprazolam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is that the Xanax?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, that's right. Have you been taking it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have been, but I can't say that it has done anything. I don't feel anything at all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, it's important to give it time. But you aren't feeling anything unusual by way of side effects are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Except for being sick as a dog. But I guess I can't blame this on the drug. No, it isn't doing anything that I can tell."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, if you notice anything, be sure to give me a call. And I'll see you next week--let's see that'll be September 23rd at 2 pm, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll be there, if I can shake this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sure you can. I hope you feel better. Goodbye Sarah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye Doctor."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jeff Wright, Monday, October 28, 1996 at 5:40 pm."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello is this Dr. Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Who's calling please?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is Jeff Wright. My wife Sarah is a patient of yours."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes Mr. Wright. What can I do for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I need to talk to Sarah and I haven't been able to reach her. The kids are at her parents' house, but even they don't know where she is. I was wondering if you had heard from her recently."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We had an appointment for this afternoon but she didn't show up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I see. So you haven't talked to her since last week?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Our last appointment was on Monday, October 21st."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. That was after...I suppose she told you what happened?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know that Sarah was quite upset when she left here that day."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I bet she was. It's not as bad as Sarah thinks it is. I mean between Rob and me. She thinks it was all a set-up, but really it wasn't. I do need to talk to her. Do you have any idea where she might be?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm afraid I don't. Perhaps if you give her some time, she'll contact you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, maybe you're right. If you do talk to her, will you please tell her I want to talk to her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll do what I can."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you Doctor. I appreciate it. Goodbye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sarah Wright, Monday, November 11, 1996 at 9 am."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi Dr. Balis. This is Sarah Wright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, it's good to hear from you. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not too bad, but something has come up and I need to cancel our appointment for this afternoon."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sorry to hear that Sarah. I was hoping that you were finally going to come in and that we'd have a chance to talk."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm really confused and I would love to talk to you, honest. I just can't this afternoon. Please understand. But make sure I'm scheduled for next Monday at 2 pm."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, that'll be fine, but has something more happened than finding out about Robby and your husband? You sound sort of panicky."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robby has AIDS."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh Sarah, I'm terribly sorry. I have to ask you, have you been tested?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, but I'm going to the doctor this week. Jeff has already been tested and he's negative, so I'm hoping I'll be clear, too. Jeff doesn't want a divorce, at least not yet. He's pleading with me to let Robby move in with us until....well, until Robby goes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. That could certainly be difficult, living with your lover and your husband after finding out that they've been sleeping with each other. What are you going to do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not sure. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. This just throws everything off balance, and I'm not sure how to handle it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Try not to make any major decisions until we talk again."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye Sarah. Take care of yourself."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 7th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, January 6, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nHappy New Year, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Same to you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How was your week away from home?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was a good visit. I wish I could have stayed longer. I was starting to get used to the lifestyles of the poor and degenerate."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That would be your brother and his roommate?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly. Michael wasn't around that much because he had to work. I was a little concerned about having to spend a lot of time by myself, but it didn't turn out that way. Evan was there most of the time, except when they'd take off mountain biking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you feel comfortable in Michael's home?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, except for one incident. They both seemed comfortable having me there. I used the laundry and bike room as my own. They set up a cot, and there was a laundry tub with hot and cold water. In one sunny corner was a big chair where I sat to do my journaling with bicycles hanging over my head and Sssh in my lap."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sssh?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Those stupid boys named their cat Shit Head, but now they call her Sssh as in her abbreviations, S.H. They didn't really know how to train her when they first got her, so she was on their bad side a lot. Now she's pretty close to what I'd call a perfect cat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. You mentioned there was one unpleasant incident. Do you want to share it with me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess. Evan is a DiCaprio/Chandler cross. Adorable. I think I experienced my most embarrassing moment to date."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought I was alone, because Michael was at work and Evan had left for a ride. I couldn't wait to get into the bathtub. There I was laying on the bottom of the tub, warm water flowing, legs spread so I could...you know? And Evan walked in! I guess he thought I was just getting the tub ready. He thought he could dart in to get his cycling gloves that were hanging on the towel rack to dry. Oh my God! I was so freaked!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did he react?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He said, \"Whoops!\" But he got a good look. I didn't say a word. He was gone for about three hours on his ride. I dreaded seeing him again. Here I had this major crush on him. I had one more day until Gram picked me up. And he caught me getting myself off. I'm afraid it brought back some of my old habits."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Which ones?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I showered until the water got cold. I brushed my hair until my scalp hurt. I didn't do any damage, but still. I guess the only good thing was that I stopped my rituals. It was not because I felt like I had completed the tasks, but rather because I felt silly--like it wasn't going to do me any good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you didn't repeat any of your rituals later?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. When Evan got home, he acted like nothing had happened. I'm sure I blushed like a young bride, but I'm hoping he didn't notice. Once my brother got home, things felt like normal again. Actually, better than normal--that was a concert night, and we were in the mood to party."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does your brother knows about your OCD? Does Evan?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. We talked about it the first day I got there. Michael must have told him, because he asked me over and over if the laundry room was going to be an okay place for me to hang out. Then he said he knew about it. He was really cool to talk to. He made it sound like it was normal to have nervous little habits, and he described some of his own. We laughed a lot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So how was the concert?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Great. It was at the Concord Pavilion. We got to sit outside under the stars. They were spinning."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it's confession time. I smoked some pot and had a couple of beers. Michael didn't pressure me; it wasn't like that. And it wasn't a first or anything. It's like an everyday thing for my brother. And I just wanted to party with the boys. I'm glad I did. Why do you look so serious?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can't condone recreational drug use, Rachel. It goes with my profession. Did you consider that it might interfere with the medication you are taking?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You didn't warn me about it, so I assumed it wouldn't hurt. It didn't hurt, as a matter of fact. I had a great time. Please, don't pull a Dad thing on me, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's a Doctor thing, Rachel. Please continue."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Anyway. A day later, Gram took us all out for dinner and then drove me home. How depressing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "To be home again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How do you keep them down on the farm, once they've seen Sausalito?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you really depressed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're so clinical today, Doctor. No, it's just an overused expression. Actually, I think I'm ready to try school again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did our discussion last time help you decide?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. That and having a good time at my brother's. Surviving all those new experiences helped me realize that I'm not that far from normal. When I think of how I was back in August, when I first started seeing you, I'm amazed. I want to know how much of this is the fluoxetine. And what happens when you take me off it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fluoxetine is used to help relieve the urge to perform rituals in the OCD patients. Serotonin uptake inhibitors help cut out the background noise that patients, including you, have described. Do you find that your self-talk is not only reduced now, but focused more on what you're doing right, rather than on what you're doing wrong?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And so with more positive feedback, your confidence has increased, allowing you more freedom--freedom to travel, freedom to try new things..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Freedom to explore my sexuality."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That too. And freedom to go back to your old life or the better parts of it. I'm pleased to hear that you want to try school again. When does it start?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In a few weeks. I won't get a very good selection of classes, since I'm registering late. But...oh well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's a start. I didn't answer all of your questions about the medication. For now, I would like to continue with the same dosage and continue with sessions every two weeks. Let's give school a chance. Rachel, some people stay with this medication for years, particularly in cases of chronic depression. I'm hopeful that as your OCD symptoms decrease, your need for medication will diminish. When we do decide to discontinue, it will take a few weeks for it to actually leave your system. But let's not rush into anything just yet. Let's continue with the medication."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, I'll see you in two weeks?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Actually, I'm going on vacation. I'll be gone the next two weeks. So how about Tuesday, January 27th?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's fine. I'll be busy with school anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. And good luck with the registration."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doc. Have a good time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. Goodbye, Rachel."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 8th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, February 17, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nLong time no see, Rachel. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is school going for you? Did you register?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I'm taking Speech, Modern Poetry, and Anthropology. It's quite a load; I'm barely keeping my head above water. I wish I could just attend classes but not have to do any work. It's a drag. I have two papers due next week and two tests this week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're still taking the medication, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think it's working that well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can't you tell? I thought you, of all people, would notice right away how crappy I look. And I look how I feel."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There's a lot more stress in your life now. How has that manifested itself?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean? Could you try not to sound too much like a doctor?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What makes you think the Fluoxetine is not working?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let's see, where should I start? I'm sleeping about four hours a night, if that. My grandma is bitching about being my chauffeur. I have to read most assignments four times because I can't concentrate. It takes me all night to write one page that I'm still not happy with. Want more?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand that school puts a lot of strain on you, Rachel. But what you've described is fairly typical for most students who care about their performance. Let's take one thing at a time. I'm concerned that you are not sleeping enough, and yes, I did notice that you look tired. Tell me about your evenings."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gram and I are still eating dinner together, but she's ragging on me most of the time. I get restless with the small talk at the table because I have so much to do. It isn't that satisfying for either of us. Then I head to my bedroom where I spend the rest of the night reading, writing, and suffering. Sometimes, it's two o'clock before I realize it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still swimming? Do you continue to write in your journal?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I swim every other day. Nothing...well, almost nothing can interfere with that. The journal is dead. No time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. You should try to maintain a balance between school work and the other things that you enjoy. You need to release the tension in healthy ways."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm dealing with it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have my ways."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I detect hostility from you today. I need you to be open and honest with me and help me to help you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. What can I do for you right now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Get me a glass of water."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure. You want to try some guided relaxation?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not sure I can sit still enough for it to do any good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let's try it. Finish your water, and we will try a brief breathing session."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "First of all, get settled so that you can close your eyes and listen. Take three regular breaths through your nose. Exhale completely each time. Good. Now, very slowly inhale--no noise--until you've filled your lungs. Try to quiet your body, Rachel. Silently exhale through your nostrils. Slowly! Gently push all that air out. Breathe this way three more times on your own. When you are done, open your eyes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Need some more water?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, please."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you were having trouble concentrating while reading, and you were not content with your finished written products. Do you think your OCD is interfering somehow?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have to reread the passages because I'm afraid I might have missed something. I go over and over them, and then the words don't even make sense. I tried getting up and walking around to clear my head, but then I started counting steps again. I made up this stupid rule--I can't sit down and try reading again until I've walked fifteen steps. They have to be perfect steps or the reading won't be perfect. I slipped back into the counting. And with the writing, it's like it has to be flawless. I do it on the computer first, and I fix my spelling and do a grammar check. But I don't trust the computer, so I print the first draft, then write the whole thing out by hand. Then I put that away for awhile and make more changes later to get it right. Every time I look at my writing, I find something else to change or make better. How can I ever be sure that it's right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want you to try something. I want you to write a paragraph for me about...let's see...write a short note to your brother about anything you like. Here is paper, here is a pencil. No, use a pen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is silly. Why?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Actually, this is a valid method for OCD patients. You are going to write a letter to your brother, put it in an envelope, and seal it. We are going to walk down to the mailbox and mail it together. If it has mistakes, so be it. If it's not perfect, so be it. The idea is to take this extra energy off your writing, this need to be perfect. The perfection issue is getting in your way. I assume your brother is a person you trust. I suggested him because he won't criticize, and probably won't even notice any errors in your note to him. Am I right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Probably."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This technique is called \"response prevention.\" Do you know why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because by mailing it, I won't be able to change anything. I can't respond to the letter like I would to the other things I write, because it will be buried in the mailbox on its way to my brother's house."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly. So pick a simple topic or just say hello to your brother in a short note. Take four or five minutes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And address the envelope. Here's a stamp."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are we really going to go mail it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. I want you to see that laboring over your written work is not going to change the basic message. You are smart, and your writing is clear and comprehensible. It is good to be conscientious about your performance at school. It is not good to be obsessive about it. Hopefully, through this exercise, you'll make the transfer to your schoolwork. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be enough. Now, you said something earlier that I cannot dismiss. You said you have ways of relieving your tension. I believe you said, \"I have my ways.\" What did you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've been bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Go on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first, I did it without even thinking. Then, it seemed like it was soothing. Now, I'm back to my old bullshit. I already mentioned that I started counting again. But I've lost some hair, too. On my first speech, I wanted to do really well. I was charged up about it. I worked on my note cards for two hours before I realized that I'd pulled out quite a bit of hair. You can't really see it because it's all underneath, but still..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. But this behavior brings you comfort."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sort of. I mean, I feel bad afterwards. But I can't really help it or stop it when it's happening."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Actually, you can stop it. You've done it before, and you'll stop it again, Rachel. You have to replace the act with something more positive. Writing in your journal was supposed to that. It replaced the other activities. Walking a dog, playing the piano, jumping on a trampoline are all things you can do to occupy your time, your hands, and your mind. Do you still have the relaxation tape I gave you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think so. It's been a while."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have to answer to your OCD. Tell it who's boss. OCD is a paper tiger, but taming it is a constant job. You were able to let up a bit in your regimen, but now it's time to get tough again. Understand?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It's not easy. I guess the stress of school brought up the old stuff. I got weak."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are just as strong as you ever were, Rachel. You have a lot of tricks up your sleeve. You have to employ all the strategies that have worked in the past again. I know school is important to you. I would like to see you succeed. Canceling sessions won't help, either. Make room for important things; make room for Rachel. Are you ready to go for a walk?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ready as I'll ever be."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Our next session will be March 3rd then, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Two weeks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Shall we go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This feels weird."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We don't have far to go. The mailbox is just around the corner."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let's cross here, so we don't have to go through, what I affectionately now call, the Lake District. It always floods at that intersection. Does this seem like a lot of trouble?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's kind of fun, actually. Want to go to the post office instead?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have a four o'clock waiting for me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I noticed. She didn't look so good. But then, who am I to say?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you have any reservations about letting this letter go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sort of. I rushed through it, because I didn't want to make you wait. Now, I wish I could open it up and look it over one more time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Everyone makes mistakes. Even I do, once in a while."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It doesn't really say anything important. Do I have to send it? You've proven your point."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know this must be difficult for you, but don't feed your OCD. Don't let it have power over you. Have you started the two papers that are due this week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I only have a few notes. I was going to work on one of them tonight. It's due Monday, but it only has to be one page."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want you to set a timer for 25 minutes when you start to work on it. When the timer goes off, stop, get up and move around, get something to drink. Distract yourself for at least fifteen minutes. Then set the timer for another 25 minutes. Return to the paper, and try to wrap it up. Don't edit it until you've written it all the way through. Once the timer goes off a second time, don't touch the paper again until tomorrow. Then edit it one time only, and be done with it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "25 minutes doesn't sound like enough time, Doctor. What about 40?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, 40. But impose these time restrictions on yourself. You can train yourself to work efficiently within self-imposed time limits. Try it, will you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That sounds like it might work."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let's mail this thing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Here goes nothing!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine, until my brother gives me shit for my spelling."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that something he would do, really?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Actually, he makes more mistakes than I ever would."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, it will be fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There's my grandmother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Great, Rachel. Our next session will be March 3rd."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Two weeks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See you then. Take care, Rachel."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 9th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, March 27, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nRachel. Come in. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You look very good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have a seat. So, how have you been?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You already asked me that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would like a bit more detail, if you don't mind."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "School is going well. I'm actually enjoying its challenges. I can't say it's boring. By the way, thanks for changing my sessions to Friday. I don't have any classes on Friday this semester, and it should work out much better. And I'm sorry about missing another session."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No problem. As I recall, you had two papers and two tests coming up last time. How did they go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know what I was so nervous about. I guess it was because they were the first ones and I didn't know how I'd do. I aced the Anthropology test and got 88% on the other. The papers were pretty good, too, but I still have trouble writing and editing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you try taking a break from your writing every twenty or thirty minutes like I suggested?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Those two papers I really sweated over. But I did so well on them, that since then, I haven't worried as much about writing. I guess my hardest class to prepare for is speech class. I'm not exactly in control over the outcome, you know what I mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. A paper can be reworked, but a speech can only be edited in the planning stage. You just have one shot at the performance."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You said it. The teacher videotaped us last time. It was weird."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Visual feedback can be revealing. What was weird about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I fidget a lot. I kept doing something with my left hand on the podium. I found a place where the fake veneer was peeling away from the wood base. During my speech, I kept putting my fingernail into the crack and then pushing it back to mend it. It kept me from making eye contact--my teacher's pet peeve. I worked hard most of my life not to be noticed, but I have nowhere to hide when I'm up there at the podium."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't want to embarrass you, Rachel, but you are dressed like you want to be noticed."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't wear this to school, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seemed to have put a a lot of effort into looking very sharp today."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was just...how should I put it? Experimenting, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe I wanted you to notice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're the only person besides Gram that I talk to in a friendly way. And you're a man. And you help me and care about me. And I wanted to...oh, I don't know!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, it's true--I like you and I want to help you. And I always pay attention to you. But it's not the same kind of attention you were seeking, I think."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm concerned that you would go to this much trouble for me. This seems out of character for you. What was your experiment? What were you hoping to discover?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess I wanted to find out if I was attractive to someone. To you. I wanted to see if anyone would notice me. I wanted to know if I could compete. It's all those things. Every day at school, I see people exude their sexuality. I don't feel right about doing that. I don't tend to act or dress in provocative manner. But I thought it would be safe to dress for you and see what you thought. Is it weird?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, it's not weird. I think you look very attractive and sexy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But it would be inappropriate for me or for you to sabotage the doctor/patient relationship..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, I know. I get it. I guess if I passed the test with you, I might try doing this in school. I dress pretty dumpy most of the time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I am encouraged that you are showing confidence in the way you look. Now that you're in school, you have contact with a variety of people. And I'm glad you have more self confidence. But are you ready for the responses you are going to get?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. I'll find out. I'm not going to do anything stupid like last time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You mean the incident two years ago?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. The stupid study buddy..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The rape."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Whatever."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You were raped. It was not your fault."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'd rather not talk about this, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right. But it sounds like we should work on this. I think you might be having trouble accepting..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, yeah. I accept it. I just don't want to talk about it again right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Rachel, does your grandmother help you shop for clothes? Is she actively involved in your decisions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She still thinks I'm just a kid, not a woman. We don't share that much together. We watch TV, movies...we watched the Academy Awards together the other night. As far as clothes go, I've never seen her in a dress, or dressed up even. She doesn't really have a clue. Why do you ask?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes it's useful to have a woman's perspective and feedback. Magazines can give you ideas about what to wear, although I believe their content tends to be somewhat extreme. Are there any women in your classes that you might befriend?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There are a couple of nice people in my poetry class who asked me to join a writers' group. Maybe I'll try it and start making connections with real people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think it would be very healthy for you to spend time with new acquaintances. It's a good idea to join that writing group and see if there are people there with whom you can be comfortable. By going to school, you are putting yourself in situations where you can meet people. I think you can start making choices that get you involved. How does that sound?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not so bad. It sounds normal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It is normal. Sharing your life with friends is normal. Will you try it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. Hey, my brother got that letter you made me send during our last session. He couldn't figure out why I wrote to say basically nothing, especially since I e-mail him all the time. I explained it to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you share very much of our sessions with your brother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes. I tell him what I'm working on. I ask him questions like what he remembers about certain events. Also, I feel this need to keep my mother's memory alive, so we talk about what we remember about her. He said the same thing you just did--about getting a new life. I'm not ready for too many changes, but I think I'm ready to relate to people other than a sixty year old woman."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you ever hear from your brother's roommate? What was his name?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Evan? Michael talks about him a little because I ask. I still have a major crush on him. They are both supposed to be visiting on their way to Baja during Spring Break. They're going to stay at the house for a day or two. Gram's nervous."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Michael's always smoked pot, but he started doing a lot of coke right after my mom died. Living with Gram didn't work out for him. He kind of dropped out. He was cutting classes, getting stoned, getting an attitude. I felt like I didn't even know him for a while. I was afraid I'd lost him, too. Maybe that's why I had so much trouble for those two years. I was a lot worse back then. When I think back on it, I'm surprised I could even go to school. Anyway, that's all in the past."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your past is part of who you are today. Remember that it was not that long ago that you thought breaking one of your rituals would cause harm to your brother. How is the counting?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You replaced one ritual with another?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think of it that way. The \"north south east west\" thing is what I do to stop a ritual. It works. I only have to do it once when I get the urge to count off my steps. Isn't that better than pacing? Now I just do it with my finger. I tap it out, and it's done. I make myself stop. It could be just as bad if I tapped and tapped and that became something I had to do twenty times or something. But I stop it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you find the relaxation tape I gave you a few months ago? I asked you to use it again. Have you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I started a yoga class. Now I do stretching and relaxing, plus what I guess you'd call meditation. Besides swimming, it's actually the best thing that I've ever found for this thing I'm plagued with. I'm serious!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you think it helps?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You find out what your body can and can't do. You challenge yourself to get to the edge, then go past your edges. It's a body awareness thing for me. You free your mind. One of the teachers talks about the ego. He tells us to leave it at the door before we come in."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would be out of business if I told my patients to do that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So the better I get at yoga, the less I'm going to need you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I guess I should worry about that. Seriously, Rachel, I do not foresee keeping you as a patient for years. I've been honest with you all along during your treatment. I anticipate continued improvement with the possibility of moving you off of the medication at some point in the future. When that happens will depend on your progress. It depends on your goals. What would you like to be able to do in the future that you think would be difficult to do now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I would...I'm not..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's okay, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I want to be normal. I want to feel normal. I'm not sure what normal is, though. I feel desirable. I feel smart. But I'm lonely. I don't want to live with my grandmother, but I'm not ready to leave. I'm not as independent as I would like to be. I want a career. I want friends. I want someone to notice me, but I'm afraid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand. I want to help you have all those things, when you are ready--step by step. It sounds like you're meeting your current challenges well. I think it is important to continue to relax, whether through yoga or the tape. You need to try to make new friends and keep up with the medication. Keep your fitness level up. Are you eating right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's important. I noticed you lost some weight. Doctors recommend not more than one or two pounds per week of weight loss, though."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've only lost twelve pounds since November. I'm not dieting, but I like the way I look, so I just don't get carried away anymore. I can say one thing for Gram--she's a great cook."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. We're out of time. Let's end this session with the hopes of not canceling another, okay? Our next one will be April 10th. Is that during your break?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but it won't be a problem. I'll be here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I will see you then. Goodbye, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Doctor Balis."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 10th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, April 10, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nWhat's up, Doc?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Rachel. You're in a good mood today."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "One, I'm on Spring Break. And two, Michael and Evan are coming by this afternoon. Life is good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Glad to hear it. Do you have any special plans?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Tonight? Just to ditch my grandma after dinner. Gram is doing a big food fest. A couple of the neighbors are coming over, too. It might be weird for us all to sit around the dinner table. Michael hasn't been home since he left two years ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does your grandmother entertain very often?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Rarely. She has tables and food set up for bridge sometimes, but it isn't exactly party time or anything. Pretty boring. This probably will be too, except for Evan being there, of course."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're looking forward to his visit."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah! But I also want to see Michael. I worry about my little brother. I talk to him by e-mail regularly, but I don't really know how he's doing until I see him. Do you know what I mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, explain."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He's always been good at bullshitting, excuse the language. He could really yank my mom around. He tried doing it with Gram, too, but she called him on it. They locked horns a lot. But he can be...what's the word for it? Dishonest. He's very clever. So seeing him in person is better; I can read him and see his facial expressions."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That makes sense. Rachel, excuse me for changing the subject, but did you join that writing group you were talking about last time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How many people were at the meeting?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Seven, but I guess usually there are more. It's at Mattie's house--she's the one who invited me. There were two other women and three guys. I felt pretty comfortable. During the session, the group comes up with some cool project for everyone to do for next time. Sometimes it's spontaneous, and sometimes it's from this book full of creative writing ideas. This week, we have to imagine a day which started by waking up transformed into the opposite sex and then write about our day in a new gender. I'm having fun with it. And that's just it--because we're there to share writing, I don't feel that weird sitting with strangers in someone's house. And two of the people there are in my speech class already, so we aren't complete strangers. But the writing is the focus."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you were having fun with the writing. Does that mean that you don't feel the need to edit and reedit to achieve perfection?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't feel like I'm going to be graded or judged. The purpose is different, so I'm more relaxed. Also, they really seem to like what I write."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's great. So what's bothering you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Excuse me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What's bothering you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why are you asking me that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're fidgeting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think anything is bothering me. I'm excited about my brother coming to visit, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. How old is your brother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He's a couple years younger than me. He turned twenty in December."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you remember about growing up with him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We were pretty close, especially when we were little because we shared a room. I think we kind of took care of each other, too. My dad was busy, and my mom was...well, you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In an earlier session, you mentioned your mother driving you here and there when you were in high school. What was she like earlier? Do you remember her OCD symptoms when you were really young?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How do you remember these things, Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I take notes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you look at my notes before our sessions? What else did you dig up?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you answer my question first?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. My mom spent a lot of time inside. When we were at home, she was always in the house. She used to open the window and call out when she wanted to check on us. I can still hear the sliding sound as the window opened and the slamming as it shut afterwards. She took us to Gram's house every other day. She stayed inside there, too, sitting on the rocking chair in the family room. I remember her rocking. She seemed pretty normal to us, until one of Michael's friends said something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did he say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He asked why she was always rocking. Then kids at school teased she was \"off her rocker.\" That's when Michael started getting in trouble. He became a fighter. Back then, he didn't know how to talk about things, he'd just blast off. In second grade, he lost a tooth in a fight at recess. I couldn't believe it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did your father react to the trouble?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He interrogated my brother first. Then he went to the kid's house and talked to his parents or threatened them. That particular kid stopped teasing, I can tell you that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you think your father might have threatened them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He had quite a temper. Michael's like that, too. But I think Michael is a lot smarter than my dad was...is."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When is the last time you saw your father?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About eight years ago. No, wait. He came to the funeral, summer of '95. Asshole."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He pretended to be grieving. He brought his little concubine with him. Big car, little class. He dyed his hair red. I couldn't believe it. It made him easier to hate."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you hate him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He ruined my mother. She was like a kept woman. He basically told her what to wear, how to act, when to wipe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have a lot of anger towards him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And there's more where that came from."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Go on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm getting all worked up here. I wanted to end this session a little early because of Michael and Evan and all. Can't we do this another time?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I prefer that we continue. This is only the second time I've heard you speak of your father with any detail. You said there was more. We still have thirty minutes. I feel like I'm getting closer to understanding your feelings toward your father. Would you please continue?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There's more because I saw more. I heard more. I heard the animal in him grunting and going after my mom. She was so weak, but he just didn't leave her alone. She used to come out of the bedroom red-eyed and not really put together right. She wandered around the house humming and just kept walking. Maybe she was counting her steps. Now that I think about her walking around like that, it almost seems like she could have been counting. I walked in on them once. I was probably about eleven."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It is common for kids to catch their parents having sex."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not like that. I might be very naive, but that wasn't the kind of sex normal people have, I'm sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you see?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She was on her hands and knees on the floor in a dress. At first, I thought she was looking for something under the bed, but there was something about the way he was moving behind her that told me otherwise. His pants were bunched up around his knees, and he had her hair wrapped around his hand, pulling so hard that her neck was twisted around. I'll never forget the way she looked when she saw me open the door. She looked wild."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He thought he could just take her whenever he wanted. He never thought about his kids, or her illness, or what it was like to be left behind."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who was left behind?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me! We all were, when he split."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, did your father ever try to do things to you that were not appropriate? Did he touch you where he shouldn't have?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why are you asking me all these questions? I didn't do anything wrong. He did!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did he do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He...yes, he touched me. God, I've never told anyone this!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's okay, Rachel. It's okay to talk about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He made me touch him, too. He put my hand on his penis and...and he ejaculated."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, you didn't do anything wrong, he did. Did it happen only once?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There was only one time. But it's enough to screw me up, isn't it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's more complicated than that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can't blame my OCD on him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Probably not, although your father clearly didn't help matters any. But it's better to find resilience than identify blame. You're a fighter, Rachel. You're stronger than you think. Your determination has brought you many successes. In many ways, you've struggled, taken risks, expressed your feelings, and moved on despite OCD."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll never stop hating him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Some people never get over their anger. I'm not sure you need to. It depends on whether the anger interferes with your relationships or your feelings of self worth. And we've started to explore some of those issues already."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Sorry about last time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don't ever apologize for wanting to express your sexuality. You are a vibrant, attractive young woman. I have to caution you, though. Now that you've brought out some strong feelings about your father, it may trigger some other emotions, maybe even dreams. I don't want you to be surprised by them, just aware. It would be a very good time to get back to your journal. When patients dig as deep as you just have, other things may come up. I just want you to be kind to yourself. Remember that what he did was wrong, illegal, and unfair. You were an innocent child."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can't change the past, but you might change how you feel about it. How do you feel now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel okay. My little secret...I'm glad he isn't around. I don't have to think about it as much. I guess I could write a few things about it in my journal, just to process some stuff. Good idea, Doc."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you ready to end the session? I'm afraid it wasn't a short one, after all."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess so. What if I want to talk to you more about it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We meet in two weeks, but feel free to call. Okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Now I'm going to go and try to have fun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The psyche has a way of protecting itself. The thoughts and memories will come back, but probably later. You're going to be rather distracted tonight, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. See you soon. Thanks, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll see you in two weeks. Take care, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Doctor."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 11th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, April 24, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nCome in, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You moved things around."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I did a little spring cleaning. What do you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um. I can't sit in my regular spot now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does that make you uncomfortable?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll get over it. Your desk is in the same place, but everything else has been moved around. What have your other patients said about it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are the first one to say anything. I did it late yesterday afternoon."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess change can be good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Speaking of change, how is school going? Your writing group?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I had a lot of fun with that writing task--the gender bender I told you about. Want to read it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. But if you don't mind, I would rather read it later--I don't want to take time away from the session. Do you mind leaving it with me? I'll return it, of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it's okay. I have copies that I made for the group."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Great, thanks."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Anyway, I came out during the last meeting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Came out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, about my OCD."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That is a big step. What were the circumstances?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it was in my writing. The rituals came through even though I was writing as a guy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you wrote as if you were an OCD male?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still performing rituals?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doesn't everyone?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just fictionalized a few that I thought a guy would go through--like shaking it after you pee. My brother says if you shake it more than four times, you're playing with it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "An interesting demarcation, but I want to backtrack a moment. You mentioned rituals, but I was under the impression that you had eliminated the repetition in most things, like grooming--that was one of your original OCD behaviors when I started seeing you. What is the status of your rituals now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I brush my hair about fifty strokes every morning and every night, but there isn't that feeling that it has to be done perfectly or I have to repeat it if I lose track of the number. Let's see, what else? I think I will always count the number of stairs as I climb. But now, I can just add whatever number of steps to it that will make fifteen in my head. Most steps are thirteen, like in people's houses. Have you ever noticed that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, but it's not surprising. The height of a second story is usually determined by building codes, and the height of each stair is usually consistent. So, you do still count, but you no longer feel the need to correct or redo."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. Besides, I can undo it with the north south east west thing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Show me that one again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like this. It's sort of like crossing yourself, I guess, but I'm not a Catholic. Am I bad?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, Rachel. But like I said before, I'm concerned that you might be replacing one ritual with another, although the fact that you don't need to redo or spend an inordinate amount of time on a ritual is a good sign. Let's get back to your writing club. How was your OCD received?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They were a lot like Evan, my brother's roommate. They just asked me a few questions. Everyone had seen \"As Good As It Gets,\" so they wondered about a bit about the soap and the checking of the locks on the door. Roger--the older guy in the group--was the one who figured out that the guy in my story had OCD. I was pleased that he caught on. I was kind of testing the group by putting OCD behaviors into my character. Roger looked straight at me and asked if I had OCD, too. He was right on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. I'm looking forward to reading the piece you wrote. By the way, did you think Jack Nicholson's character was a realistic portrayal?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There is only so much a two hour movie can accomplish. But no, I didn't think he seemed like a true OCDer. We didn't really get to see him struggle with his illness before he was being asked to start changing. I can't imagine having a contamination thing and then letting a dog into my home, no matter what kind of favor I owed. Besides, did the director think that just putting a few bars of soap in the medicine chest is enough to convince us that he had OCD? Give me a break!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Now, I didn't mean to get off the subject of you, but I was interested in your opinion. So, how does it feel now that you have let your group know about your OCD?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good, really. After the others had left, Mattie said that she had no idea--she couldn't really tell anything by my actions. We talked for another half hour about it. Mattie confessed she gets really weird about unplugging her toaster, her coffee pot, the iron. I pointed out what you just said about OCD--it's about how much time the rituals take and if they interfere with your life. I also mentioned medication. I think it's helping."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don't sound so sure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess I thought that it would eliminate my symptoms all together, that they wouldn't return. But right after school started, I started resorting to my old habits, and it got really ugly again. Then I was able to push them away. Will it always be like this--coming on strong and then retreating?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm afraid so. But it's a reflection of the swings of life, the highs and the lows. Stress comes and goes. The key to your treatment, as I have said before, is the addition of therapy to the equation. Medication plus therapy equals recovery. Let me show you something. I have a book I want you to see. Look at this appendix page about the lifestyle changes the author recommends. See anything familiar?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We have done all of them! Except maybe this one, number three."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, I think you have been willing to express your feelings. Certainly with me you have. I'm still puzzled about your relationship with your grandmother, you don't speak of her much. I forgot--how did your brother's visit and that dinner go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Michael was his charming self. Everyone was having a good time. Evan and Michael have been roommates for three years now, and they are so funny together. At dinner, us kids kind of monopolized the conversation. The neighbors were cool about it, though. After the tour of the house, Michael and Evan went out to visit some friends. I was bummed because they didn't invite me. I was back to just sister status. It was weird because Evan looked shocked when Michael said I needed my beauty rest. I think he might have been disappointed. I heard them come back around midnight."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So they stayed the night at your house?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It was a good thing too, because they were pretty blasted. One of them banged the bathroom door against the tub really loud. That was what woke me up. Then I decided to make my move."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What move?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was wearing this T-shirt with a slit up both sides. I went to the bathroom and kind of posed there hoping to get caught. And fortunately it was Evan, my target."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He got another eyeful. It was pretty exciting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did he react?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He exhaled and at the same time said, \"Whoa.\" I'll never forget how he said it. Then he leaned against the wall in the hallway like he was falling. It took all I could muster to pass him on the way to my room. I surprised myself by looking back once I got to my door--he was still gaping at me. I said good night; so did he. That was it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You were teasing him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Someone could look at it that way. I prefer to think of it as a lucky coincidence."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I must say, Rachel, that you are coming out in more ways than one. I cautioned you a couple of sessions ago about dressing to kill."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Men are easily stimulated visually and, while I commend you on your self expression, you have to be prepared for a reaction. You deliberately tried to sexually excite this young man. Are you prepared for the possible consequences?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor, you sound like the father I never had. I appreciate it. You are the one who has helped me gain confidence. Please don't tell me to back off when I'm just getting started."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, you experimented at home, and that's fairly safe. One wrong move and you'd have had your grandmother and brother to the rescue. They won't always be around, however. Enough said."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I enjoyed imagining what it would be like to be a guy in that paper I gave you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. May I give you a writing assignment, too?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'd like you to write one page about what life will be like once you have recovered from OCD. You wrote about how it would feel to be a man for a day. Now write about your near future, maybe one year from now. Write about what you will be doing. I think it will give me an idea of your goals, and help you visualize them for yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll try to squeeze it in. I might just write it in my journal. I've been writing more often, especially since I started in this writing group. A renewed hobby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds good. Rachel, I want you to know that in the six or so months I've known you, you have made incredible gains. Continue to be strong, but just be careful."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doctor Balis. Goodbye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Rachel."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 12th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, May 15, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nRachel, you look well. Hello."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel pretty good. I survived two midterms and one paper. Another speech is due next week. I've been busy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Now I feel bad about the assignment I asked you to write."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don't. It was an interesting diversion. You're in it. So is Evan. I still have this major fantasy about him. I got his e-mail address, and now I'm sending him stuff. It's not really that personal, yet. He's into games and jokes, and there're a lot of those on the Net."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So your future includes Evan?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This particular future does. Let me read you my poem first, though. May I?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Poem? Certainly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's called \"Suicide.\" \"Can Rachel come out and play? Try it again. Can Rachel come out and play yet? Stop the tape. Try it again. Why is your mom rocking? Rewind the tape. This isn't right. Do it again. Why is your mom sitting in the car? Check the stove, Babydoll. Michael, did you lock the door? It has to be perfect. Momma has to check. Why is your Momma crying? Rewind. Be a good girl, Rachel. Checking. Checking. You can do better than that. Stop the tape. Get out of the car. Stop the car. I'm sorry, Momma. Fast forward.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's haunting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "By repeating certain phrases, I was trying to create a mood, a tempo."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's very revealing, even though I already know your story. It reads well out loud. And I like how you changed your voice for the little girl. It seems that there were many voices."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think the title makes it too obvious?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think it would be a lot tamer without it. The reader wouldn't know how tragic it was. Have you shared it with your writing group?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not yet. Do you think I should?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's up to you. It might bring some questions and attention your way. Rachel, was there something that made you think about your mother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think about her every day."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think about her suicide every day?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. It just needed to be said. My first poems are probably going to be about the most important things. I've been carrying around a lot of stuff. I've found writing to be a good way to let it out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What else are you carrying around?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Whom did you please?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Excuse me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you were trying to please as a little girl. Whom were you trying to please?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Everyone--my teachers, my mom, my grandma, my brother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your father?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I suppose even him. He was rarely happy with what any of us did. I kind of gave up trying. Also, I learned to fear him, for obvious reasons."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did any of the other people you mentioned appreciate you? Were your efforts ever acknowledged?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know my mom needed me. I was her sweetheart, her little helper. But sometimes, she didn't even seem to notice I was around. And other times, I think I was her only friend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did she depend on you during her illness?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know what? I was her mom. That's how I felt. Who needed toys? I had a giant rag doll on my hands to take care of."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was she really that incapacitated?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, damn it. I had to hide my mother, cover for her for so many years. I didn't really get to be a kid. And Michael wasn't much help."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You sound angry, perhaps even resentful."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was robbed of some of my childhood. I worried about her so much. At one time she was so beautiful. Look at this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're right, she is beautiful. Who took this picture?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My dad. It must have been one of her good days. He was parading her around in her yellow dress to match the yellow T-Bird."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were you ever jealous of the attention your father gave her? What I mean is, do you feel like he should have given you more of his time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No! I didn't want to be around him. Anyway, it would be more accurate to say that my mom was jealous of me. She would always tell me how pretty I was and that I would make someone a good wife. I think she realized that I was more capable and responsible than she was. When she blew it, she blew it big time. So it was always a challenge to get the house and dinner taken care of before the tyrant got home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That is a lot of responsibility for a child to handle. I think it made you more resilient. But it probably contributed to your obsessions. You wanted to get things right. You developed a methodical system that you thought would guarantee a successful outcome and give you control over your life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but it didn't turn out just fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When the system let you down, your obsessions and compulsions doubled in force and necessity. When the rituals didn't work any more, you became desperate and added more and more complex steps. You began to lose track of the right way, because each time you got more and more desperate."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's when Gram called you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "At that point, the consequences and stakes got much higher. You conjectured that harm would come to those you loved. When harm did come--even though logic told you that your mother made her own choices--you blamed yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There's no guarantee that the system will work."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It was a house of cards, Rachel. The foundation was weakened. It wasn't you; it was the circumstances around you. You were a child. And now, you are just emerging from a world of pain and starting to live life for the first time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "God, I'm so lucky that my grandmother is able to support me and that she made me see you. I want to see you, now. I certainly didn't the first couple of times."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It didn't take you long to accept therapy. You have been more willing than most."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm a bit fried. Can we talk about something else?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure. How's school? Are you still doing yoga?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yoga is the best. Have you ever tried it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "First we go through a variety of poses to stretch, then sun salutations to warm up. Then we focus on shoulder-opening or back bends or something. Then we do Savasana, which is the reward at the end."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Reward?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Remember the relaxation you did with me in an early session? You were trying to get me to rest my hands. I could barely sit still. The way you worked the imagery from one part of the body over to the other was the same thing we do in Savasana. We try to relax everything. It feels like a reward for all the hard work during the previous hour or so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You do yoga for more than an hour?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Now it's my turn to give you an assignment. Try it, Doctor. It costs about fifteen bucks a session--a lot cheaper than your rates!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. I'm curious to see what you wrote about the Rachel of the future."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She's not very different. Her circumstances have changed, but not much else. Take a look. It's short."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How about if you read it to me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. \"Today my therapist--the thick-haired, oddly handsome Doctor Balis--asked me to predict where my life was going. He gave me an assignment (the nerve!) asking what I thought my future would be, only three hundred and sixty five days away. It's hard to say, but I'm going to try to project. I'm twenty-three. I'm about to finish up the classes required for my A.A. degree. I'm living in Sausalito, working and reading poetry at a small coffee shop. It's the same place where Evan plays guitar on Saturday nights. I do readings at a couple of the bookstores in the city once a month. I don't live with Evan, yet, but we spend every weekend together. I continue with my yoga practice and swimming, doing both at least three times a week. I belong to an OCD support group that meets weekly. I'm still taking Prozac, but I am not seeing Doctor Balis. I e-mail him regularly, more for me than for him. He is kind for writing back, but he never initiates the correspondence. My grandma moved back to Germany because her sister's M.S. required her care. I seem to be doing so well, and my brother and I are quite close, so she felt she could depart. She gave us each a big chunk of money, encouraged us to visit, hugged me once, and said, \"Goodbye, my Liebchen,\" as if it were the last time. The remnants of my disorder are counting steps, brushing my hair religiously, fidgeting with my hands. My obsession with numbers continues--maybe it's a math thing. My obsessions with my hair and nails continue--maybe it's vanity. The point is I control my OCD, not the other way around. Medication and therapy have helped--Doctor Balis was right. I'm very afraid of discontinuing Prozac. I'm afraid of going back. I barely recall the pain, but the memories of events are fresh, and I don't want to repeat them.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It seems very realistic. How would you feel without your grandmother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She's pretty easy to live with. She lets me do whatever I want, drives me around, pays for everything. But I know that it will come to an end someday. She's sixty-five, pretty healthy, but her sister does have M.S., so the scenario might not be that far off."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I wanted you to go through this exercise so that a few positive images would emerge. Goals, if you will. I want you to keep in mind the most tangible. Evan may not be a significant part of your life, but I'm sure that finishing school, writing, getting a job will be. The point is that you are seeing yourself successful and making it. And I especially like the part about you controlling your OCD, not the reverse. That was significant. I'd like to keep a copy of this, for future reference, if you don't mind."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you ready to end this session? It's about time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's fine with me. Thank you, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll see you in two weeks, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, see you then."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 13th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, June 19, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nGood to see you, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You too, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is school over yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, thank God. I just finished a paper for my anthropology class. Better late than never!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I thought the semester would have ended by now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It did. She let me sneak it in late. I had shown her the first half of it and she gave me a reprieve and an A. Cool, huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How fortunate for you. You must have had a rapport with the instructor."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Carla is really nice. And her class has been fascinating, especially the way she teaches it. We read \"The Naked Ape\" by Desmond Morris. Have you ever heard of it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. But I think it was over twenty years ago."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For two weeks, instead of meeting in a stale building, we sat in the quad outside and discussed it, section by section. She has a way of pursuing opinions that really makes you hang your butt out on the line. The conversation got pretty heated up every once in a while. It's sexy stuff, don't you think?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "To be truthful, I don't recall. So you befriended the instructor?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess you could say that. I'll probably have her again this summer for Human Sexuality. It's a required class. I'm taking it easy this semester with only nine units. Journalism, Art and the sex class. Also, I'm going to try swimming at the school pool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What prompted that idea?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I want to see how I do with the contamination thing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You haven't had any incidents with that for awhile, have you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not about swimming. Something new came up that I haven't told you about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Go ahead."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I went into the bathroom at school and someone hadn't flushed. It was only urine, but just the look of the pale yellow water in the toilet bowl and the smell of someone else's pee made me dizzy. I thought, if I can smell it, then some of the molecules must have entered me. It's in me! I think I actually moaned out loud, because this woman looked at me really funny when I blasted out of there. I washed my hands and face and used tons of paper to dry off. Then I went into the hallway, found a drinking fountain and rinsed my mouth out. When I thought it was rinsed enough I drank about a quart of water. I still hadn't peed at this point."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you describe this episode as a panic attack?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, I was panicked all right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I remembered where a staff bathroom was and eased my way past some of the faculty offices without being detected. What a relief! I know the issue will come up again. How do I get past it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What is your fear based on?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think of it as fear, exactly. I don't ever sit on a public toilet when I pee. My mom taught me to squat above the seat. You have to have strong quads to do it, and it took practice to get it right. I don't like smelling it--even my own. I certainly don't want to see someone else's, unflushed, in a public bathroom. I don't want any chance of it splashing on me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "By using public restrooms, you'll always run the risk of seeing or smelling someone else's urine. Let's work on this right now. Let's brainstorm some ways to keep the panic at bay. I'm thinking that you might find restrooms that are less used, not necessarily staff bathrooms, but perhaps one in a less popular building."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's an idea. I'm not going to the extremes of wearing diapers or not drinking liquids."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Should we discuss the biology of urine? It's basically sterile, you know. There are no diseases transmitted through urine from toilet seats. It sounds like you modify your use of public facilities so that there is no contact. I'm concerned that you felt you could absorb contaminated airborne particles. We're talking parts per million in which there could be no impact on your system other than a detectable odor. Having said all that, what other concerns do you still have?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just never know when or where this OCD is going to take me. I don't like surprises. I mean, obviously I've had this thing about toilets thanks to my mother, but to have such a reaction was kind of out of the ordinary. I go along feeling good about myself and then it slaps me in the face and says, \"Take that!\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see it as twenty steps forward, one step back, in your case. Every day, every week, we all have conflicts that arise and then get resolved, over and over. I suppose it makes life more interesting to have highs and lows. I am not minimizing your struggle, Rachel. I think, at times, you will have to work at slapping your OCD into submission. Self talk is your best ally."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do I tell myself? That it's not urine, it's jasmine I smell?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't mean denial. If logic is ineffective, turn to the recognition that it's your OCD talking. It's an unreasonable little brat, Rachel. Talk it down, scold it, send it to its room if that analogy works for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've had practice at being a mom. That should work. I could get into spanking!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's important to use these episodes as a learning tool, although I hesitate to call them episodes. They really don't come up that often, unless you aren't telling me everything."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't share every little detail, every little moment of self doubt. But this one was a biggie. I'll know how to handle the next one when it happens."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You mentioned that you want to start swimming at the school. I'm sure the same issue will come up again. You'll get more practice at letting it know who is boss--or mom."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Any plans for the summer?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just school. I want to go up and visit my brother again. Evan has been quite communicative via e-mail. Carla has a \"Thank God It's Over\" party coming up that I might go to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Carla, your instructor?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Oh! Gram is going to Germany for two weeks in late July. I haven't ever had the place to myself so that should be interesting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, is there anything else you'd like to discuss? We still have some time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I could give you a manicure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still doing that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course! Don't you notice my nails?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I mean, I knew you did your own. I..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Come on, Doctor. I have files, clippers. I just need a towel, these tissues, and some warm soapy water. Try it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well...why not? I'll be right back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Cool!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did I forget anything?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is fine. Maybe you should scoot over to this edge of the desk. Just rest one hand in the bowl for a minute to soften up the cuticles. Any problem areas?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I pulled at this hangnail yesterday and I keep worrying it. You might want to go easy on it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you prefer a certain nail length?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. I'll trust you to decide."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Actually, I'll skip the trimming, since we don't have much time. I'll just file a little once I push these cuticles back."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn't realize how relaxing this would be."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Balis, are you a virgin?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Excuse me? Oh! Yes, this is my first manicure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's like getting a massage or a haircut. Any time you let someone work on you, as long as you trust them, it can be quite soothing. Morris brings up the grooming ritual thing in that book I was telling you about. It's a primitive need. You can start soaking that other hand now. Do you have any lotion?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think there's some right here. Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can tell you have a desk job. Your hands are so soft. You have another session coming up?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, not immediately, but I think that we should probably wrap this up pretty soon."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have to do your other hand. I'll be quick. It's amazing how it all comes back to me, even though it's been awhile since I worked officially. Hey, I could give you a manicure while we do our sessions!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't think that's a good idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mind if I ask why not?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's a bit distracting. I would rather focus my complete attention on you and our discussion, wouldn't you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I see your point. I don't really care. If we ever have extra time again, I'd be happy to work on you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I appreciate the thought."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just let me lotion you up and we'll be done. You don't look so relaxed any more."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It doesn't feel professional."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm a pro, don't you doubt it, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not you, me. I'm not sure it is appropriate."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's a different kind of hand job. I wouldn't worry about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I...I'll see you in two weeks, then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Same time, same place. Take care, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, Rachel."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 14th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, July 10, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nWhat's up, Doc?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Aren't I supposed to have a carrot in my mouth when I ask that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Funny. I'm glad you're in such a good mood. How's school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's a lot more relaxing because it's summer session. Guess what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm not very good at guessing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's just an expression. Anyway, I went swimming in the college pool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Great! How did that go for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It took a lot out of me just to get to the edge of the pool. Hell, just being in the locker room was a big step. I went to the noon swim--a time when mostly staff goes. I practically had the whole pool to myself. I did see Carla there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think you mentioned her last session..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She was my former anthropology teacher. Now she's teaching my Human Sexuality class."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When I saw her swimming, it got me motivated to get in. I mean what was I going to do--have a panic attack, turn around and retreat? I did my half mile, no problem. Once I got into the rhythm, it felt a lot like it does at home. Lap after lap. Pretty monotonous, but it gets me centered. That and yoga."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So it went well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The showers were kind of gross. Someone's bathing suit was on the floor, and there were empty shampoo bottles and trash here and there. I kept my flip flops on while I showered. Once I got the water temperature nice and hot, I didn't worry as much. Plus, I brought my own soap. The other weird thing was that there were people in there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How many people do you shower with, Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Weren't there a few private showers?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't see them until I was already wet. Maybe next time. I'm just not sure I want people checking me out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, women will usually not be too interested in staring at you. They don't like being stared at either. Well, at least that's how it tends to go in men's locker rooms."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I never thought about that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you see anyone looking at you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "As a matter of fact, I did."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did it make you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Self conscious. She was dressed and I wasn't. I thought she was doing her hair or something at the big mirror. But when I glanced in her direction, she was watching me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Staring? Glancing? Watching? Which was it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think she's got an eyeful. She smiled at me in a way that gave me chills."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was it a come on?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What's that? Do you mean was it like she wanted me or something?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What was your impression?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe. It was Carla."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The woman looking at you was Carla?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I guess she studies sexuality in and out of class."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe she was doing research. I can tell she really enjoys discussing sex...I mean sexuality. I think she likes making people squirm as she talks about certain things. In the shower, she had the same kind of twinkle as she often has in the classroom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you say she's playful?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess that's the best word for it. Maybe mischievous."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you been to her class since the shower incident?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, the class meets Mondays and Wednesdays and..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you going to do anything about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nothing. I'll pretend like it never happened. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was looking at the clock; maybe she was staring at my tits. I'll try not to think about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Do you have any more public restroom stories to tell?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I found a sanctuary--I use the staff bathroom between my two classes, and I watch what and when I drink."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you're controlling your bladder. Sounds like you've figured out a way of avoiding the problem."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Isn't that what we discussed?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not exactly. Your OCD is still controlling you. What happens next time you find yourself in a public restroom that smells like urine?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can hold it, or I can find another one."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but you're avoiding the issue by running away from it. What do you think a person in control of the situation would do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Tell it who's boss."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For example?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They'd use the restroom anyway. I guess I can breathe through my mouth so I don't have to smell it. I can flush the toilet before I using it. And I'll never sit on the seat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You know just the right things to say. Do you think you can do these things next time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Normal people avoid things that are unpleasant. Why can't I?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can. However, this bathroom thing represents a much larger issue for you. If you can take some of the energy away from it by plowing through it, you'll be able to apply that energy to more important things. Do it for practice--to get yourself ready for the bigger battles."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't see any big battles coming my way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, a few things come to mind. Let's see, didn't you say that your grandmother is going to leave for two weeks this Summer? You will be completely on your own while she's gone. Also, some day, you may want to get intimate with someone. Contamination issues will probably arise in relation to sex."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then have you ever thought of learning to drive a car? That would give you a considerable amount of freedom..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And keep me away from a host of unpleasant situations involving gross public transit riders."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, well. And what about work? Won't you be looking for a job eventually?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "These are only a few of the things you'll need to confront in the not too distant future. And there are others..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why are you doing this to me, Doctor?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A few sessions ago, you painted a charming picture of your future that included finishing school, working, and being with a man. I'll be reminding you of those goals over and over. Rachel, try not to avoid things that make you uncomfortable. Divide and conquer is a key to overcoming some of the handicaps of OCD."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, okay. Point taken."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Here you are. I really didn't mean to make you cry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You make me feel like a little kid, so sometimes I cry like a little kid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sorry, Rachel. Why don't we try an exercise? There is a bathroom just a few doors down the hall. It's really only my patients and I that have access to it. Why don't you..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It must be so amusing to you to play Doctor..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I think..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're wrong."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you remember when you were proofreading and editing until the middle of the night and you still couldn't let go? So we tried a little spontaneous exercise--you wrote a note to your brother and we walked together to the mailbox and sent it off without any corrections. Remember?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I remember. It made me very uncomfortable."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is the same technique. It's called exposure. It's a legitimate exercise. I sincerely apologize if I'm making you feel uncomfortable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uncomfortable?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sorry you're so upset, Rachel. Some of what I do as a therapist does smack of manipulation. It's like teachers who use rewards or negative consequences to change student's behavior. It's psychology. Sometimes it works."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Some of what you've done--these little exercises--have helped. But I don't see these...these exercises as anything more than just games. I've got to go, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't want to end the session like this."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I don't feel like giving you another manicure, if that's what you're thinking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was thinking of showing you a web site I found a few weeks ago. I think you might find it interesting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This had better not be..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I had this bookmarked because I've been meaning to show it to you. It's an OCD message board. It's not a chat room, but there are quite a few regulars. Here. Take my chair. The list of posts is in chronological order. Just read through a few of these messages to see how others are dealing with OCD."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's interesting, I guess. How come you never prescribed Anafranil or Zoloft for me? There seems to be quite a few posts about these drugs."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, although they have differences, Zoloft, Anafranil, and Prozac are all serotonin reuptake inhibitors, so they're actually quite similar drugs. In my evaluation, I concluded that Prozac was a better choice for you than the others, although either may have also been an effective choice. Although Anafranil is an excellent drug for treating OCD, I think of it as a second line option because of its small, but significant chance of causing grand mal seizures. Anafranil is an interesting drug because it was being used in Europe in the sixties and seventies but wasn't approved in the U.S. until 1990 or so because of its potential to cause seizures in about 1% of the people who take it. If you hadn't responded to the Prozac, though, I certainly would have considered moving to Anafranil. There're are other serotonin reuptake inhibitors, too, that work well for compulsive disorders--Luvox, for example. But each drug has its problems. Prozac seems to have worked quite well for you with no side effects that I'm aware of. What you're currently experiencing with public restrooms and the like is the difficulty of making behavioral changes. Your OCD doesn't have the grip on you which it had before. It makes you much more independent and in control than you were before. But I'm droning on and on. Let me write down the address of this site for you in case you want to find it again."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. Doctor?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm sorry I blew up like that. I don't really know why my reaction was so strong."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's all right. You're allowed, once in a while."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, our time is up. Take care, Rachel. I'll see you at the end of the month? Let's see, that'll be July 24th at 3 pm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, that's fine. I'll let you know how living solo is going."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Goodbye, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Doctor Balis."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 15th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, July 24, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nHi."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Rachel. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Hmm. You have a look..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you mean I look like the cat that ate the canary?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Something like that. What's up?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have something to share."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm listening."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm exploring my sexuality."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "With a woman."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I knew that's what you would say! You always do that when you don't want to reveal what you are really thinking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want to give you room to talk about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Where do I start? We went out for beer after class with a couple of other people. They left. We stayed and had another. She said that her daily swim would be a challenge. I said not really, especially if we went to my house. Gram was...she's in Germany. So Carla followed me home. We laid in the sun, swam, talked..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds like you were comfortable with each other."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She is easy to talk to. I have to admit that ever since she showed up at the school's pool, I've been thinking about her. That look she gave me was so intimate. It was like that time when Evan was staying at the house and I came out in the hallway in just a T-shirt. Instead of looking away, I dared to make eye contact with him--what a rush! I'm somewhat of a tease, I guess. Anyway, there I was laying face down by the pool, in the sun, wet with goose bumps, eyes closed. She started putting on some sun lotion, and then she rubbed some on me. I rolled over and things progressed from there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you have any problems being that intimate?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll tell you about that in a minute. She was so sensual. I keep thinking about how her hands felt on me. It was all hands and fingers. There were a lot of firsts, if you know what I mean."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you were able to relax and enjoy her touch?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you able to relax around her now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't seen her since then, but I've talked to her on the phone. She's coming over again on Sunday. It's a really weird feeling."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it's exciting but weird. She's a woman and...well, women and women aren't your usual combination. She's older; she's my teacher. And because Gram is gone, I feel like I'm getting away with something I'm not supposed to be doing. And we were outside in front of God and everyone! But as far as the contamination thing, it hasn't really been a problem yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yet? Do you expect it to be?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I felt safe. I think it was because we were at my place. The pool made it feel familiar somehow. And having the water nearby made it feel cleaner. Plus, we only used touch--there wasn't any exchange of bodily fluids. But if we were just on a couch or a bed, and if it involved something like kissing...well, I think I might have trouble with that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, uh..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let me ask another way. Was cleaning up after the event something you just couldn't wait to do? Did you need to wash your hands right away? And was it ritualized at all?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I washed my hands first, then I took a shower. Neither one was any different than it has been lately. There was nothing like what I did before I started therapy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think kissing might generate the urge to wash or brush?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Probably. And floss."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're giggling; that's a good sign. Rachel, personal hygiene is important to most people, especially when intimacy takes place. However, if you feel the need to repeat or ritualize cleaning and washing up, I want to know about it. This is one of those tests for you. It's much like becoming a student again, or swimming in the school's pool, or using a public restroom. By the way, do you know how to practice safe sex?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "With a man, yes. But this is a little different."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exchange of fluids is the key concept. Saliva is not known to be a carrier, but vaginal secretions and the commingling of them is where you will need to think about using a barrier."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We haven't discussed this. But since she teaches human sexuality, I figure she knows all about protection. I feel like the encounter with her was kind of like a milestone for me. It was my first successful sexual experience, you know? It felt good, really good. I was able to let go with her. But I don't know if I really want a relationship with her. It could get ugly. How do we maintain the teacher-student thing and be lovers at the same time? It kind of just happened, but maybe it shouldn't happen again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you are concerned about your privacy and hers, you can be very discrete. How important is Carla's class to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I need it to complete my degree."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm just having doubts. On one hand, I was able to let go and feel a great deal of pleasure. But then there are risks..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps you could just wait and see what develops. I'm sure Carla has feelings about this, too. Open communication with her will help guide you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What would my grandma say? And my brother? Am I a lesbian now, all of a sudden?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'd say that your sexual orientation is in flux, but I'd avoid labeling yourself after one encounter or even a series of encounters. As far as your brother or grandmother, this relationship may make them feel uncomfortable, threatened, or prejudiced."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know some gay couples that keep very private lives--double lives, if you will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You'll have to think about all these issues if you pursue this relationship."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's getting complicated."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still writing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but not as much. The writing group disbanded for the Summer because people were coming and going. I miss it. It sort of kept me honest--kept me writing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This experience will provide something new to write about, won't it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good idea! I should write a poem about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope you'll share it with me. The poem you read to me earlier this year revealed a lot about you and your mother. I'd be interested in hearing new material."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The anniversary of her death is coming up next month."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How many years has it been?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It will be three years on August fourteenth. Poor mom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Where are her remains?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She opted not to get cremated. I think my father was behind that decision. He wanted the world to see how beautiful she was even in death, except for her hands, which were gloved--they were always reddened from picking and rubbing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did she ever go to a therapist?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My father would never have allowed that. She would have had to do it on the sly. No, she went to her mother for therapy, if you can call it that. It was more like intensive care. Gram would baby-sit; Mom would vegetate. It makes me wonder what Mom was like when she was my age, dating and working. It's really hard to imagine. I could have ended up like her, maybe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your grandmother probably recognized the symptoms that you and your mother shared. She directed you to me so they wouldn't be repeated, don't you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Probably. Oh, I meant to thank you for sharing that OCD site. I get a lot of feedback and information about peoples' struggles and doubts. It's usually reassuring to read what others say. Sometimes, though, it works the other way. One woman said she felt like she might pick up a knife and cut her daughter's hand with it! She was afraid to boil water or use the garbage disposal for fear that she might mangle or scald her kids."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was cutting carrots for a salad and I looked over at Gram and thought, \"What is stopping me from throwing this knife at her?\" But I wasn't even mad at her or anything. So I think about this. It couldn't happen by accident. And it couldn't happen consciously. So it couldn't happen, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. That's the doubting disease for you. You ask yourself, \"I could never kill my own child or my grandmother, or could I?\" The answer is, of course, no. But you feel guilty for even thinking these thoughts."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "True."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Therapists try to get OCD sufferers to first relabel the thought--recognize it as an intrusive thought not based on reality--then remember that it is the OCD thinking and not you. The third step is the hardest. You have to retrain yourself to ignore or work around these thoughts by redirecting them and performing another behavior that is useful and positive. Last, you need to learn to view these thoughts as having very little value, as being senseless. With enough practice and intervention, you'll have control."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. Let's say I want to kiss someone, but I'm afraid of the saliva."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why are you afraid?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because of germs."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then you have to gather information about what germs it might contain and pass on to you. Are you afraid of getting a cold, a flu, or are you afraid of dying?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's something like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Colds and flus are transmitted through saliva. One of the risks you take when getting close to someone is of getting sick. But the chances are slim that a kiss would lead to death. You can gather clues as to the general health of the person you are about to kiss and then decide whether it's worth it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It seems a shame to take such a clinical look at foreplay, doesn't it? So, I have to look at the reality of the situation and then ignore the unreasonable fear."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don't ignore it, just understand that it's mental noise."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's my OCD, not me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. Refocus the thought."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "By reminding myself of how good it's going to feel, for example?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Or by engaging in a useful, positive activity that helps you refocus."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A prescription for pleasure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I understand your enthusiasm for pleasant sexual feelings."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's more than that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I agree."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There's a part of being affectionate with someone else that's not sexual--it's like it's the satisfaction of the spirit, of making a connection with someone. I'm hungry for that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can enjoy all the facets of interpersonal contact, both physical and spiritual."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I look forward to it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Once again, you are sounding very healthy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I guess we are finished for today. This was a good session. So, I'll see you in two weeks. Let's see, that's Friday, August 7th at 3 pm, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds good. Bye!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Rachel."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 16th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, August 14, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nHello, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I almost canceled again today. But since I missed last week, I didn't think that would be too cool. I'm not doing that well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just got back from the memorial service for my mother. Today was the anniversary of her death--three years. It was pretty intense. I'm glad we did it, but it brought out a lot of emotions both good and bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Michael, Gram, and some other friends were there to honor her. Michael and I had been working on this for a year, collecting photos, rehearsing some music."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn't realize you wanted to honor your mother in this way."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Michael played that Eric Clapton song, \"Tears in Heaven,\" and I sang with him. I held it together until near the end, until the song went, \"Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure, and I know they'll be no more tears in heaven.\" I made the mistake of looking at Gram and lost it. The one thought that makes my mother's death okay is that she is no longer suffering."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There is some comfort in that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Anyway, speaking of suffering, I'm having trouble. I might have to stop seeing Carla."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can't get past my contamination thing. The fact that she seems willing to continue makes me feel even worse. She says she understands, but how can she? I'm not sure anyone can comprehend this OCD curse. It's a nightmare. It sucks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can hear your anger and frustration, Rachel. What happened with Carla?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Remember in our last session, we had a discussion about kissing? Well, I tried letting Carla kiss me. That was last Friday, which was why I didn't show up for our session. I'm sorry I didn't call. Anyway, she tried to kiss me. I heaved. I couldn't handle it. I told her it was something I ate, but she knew I wasn't being truthful. She pushed her way into the bathroom while I was cleaning up. That's when I came out to her. I told her about you, and therapy, and Prozac. I told her about my washing rituals and how I thought I was getting better. But..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are getting better."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have shown a lot of courage in the risks you've taking lately. However, as you face new situations, you relinquish control, and that is when you are most vulnerable. You might have to learn to flow with the unpleasant sensations until you become less anxious. That's not an easy thing to do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll say. Why did it make me gag, though?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your mind convinced you that it would make you ill, so your body followed suit. Rachel, I'm not sure that this reaction is enough to stop developing your relationship with Carla. I..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She didn't seem to mind the ugliness of the episode. In fact, she still wanted me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you try to continue?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She was so patient and open, listening and asking careful questions. I calmed down enough to think about how I could refocus."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hopped into the shower."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good replacement behavior."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And do you know what? She joined me. I'm really glad she did, because I regained some of my confidence."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you still have doubts about being with her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In my worst moments, yes. We can't even kiss, for Christ's sake!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes! It seems like in the shower, I'm able to let a lot of things happen. At least that's how it worked out the other night. Sometimes, I feel like I am her little sexuality experiment, like she is studying me. I've been mostly the receiver, if you know what I mean. She seems content with that, for now. I think of things I'd like to try with her, but I'm afraid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She could be your little sexuality experiment, too. You laugh, but I'm halfway serious. It's just something to think about. Let's go over some of your fears. Would you say that contamination is number one?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. But I'm also afraid that I might not be able to please her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She will probably help you with that. It just takes good communication."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm afraid that if I open the floodgates, so to speak, she might insist on something that makes me uncomfortable."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you fear that she wouldn't listen to your objections?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That doesn't sound like her, does it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not from what you've said so far. But I can understand why you would be apprehensive. Rachel, I think some of the fear you're experiencing exists in all new relationships. As you explore intimacy, you'll find out what feels right to both you and your partner. It's a good opportunity to express what you like and don't like. Take advantage of Carla's willingness to listen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe you are right. It could be that we are just two people getting to know each other. I'm curious about her, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, do you want to be able to kiss her? We can work on that if it's important to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It isn't really high on my list. It just upsets me that I found something else that I'm not able to do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not yet."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Obviously, we were able to get around that. She really knows how to...well, never mind. What I want is not something you can help me with."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What's that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I want to go public with her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Showing affection in public?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That too. I want to tell people about her. I want to hang out with her at school. I can no longer just be a student around her. Here I was in her sexuality class, and she was talking about the clitoris and how some female hyenas have such big ones that they look like penises. And I was squirming and throbbing in my seat thinking about the things she did to me the day before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can see how that would be distracting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel like she was talking to me and me alone. It was like she was letting everyone else eavesdrop while she tortured and teased me. One day, we were both so worked up after class, that we could hardly make it to my house without ripping each other's clothes off. That was a good session! But I don't know. I just don't like the feeling that I have to hide. It is hard enough coming out about OCD. Now I'll have to come out as a lesbian, too?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Keeping secrets takes a lot of energy and maintenance. How does Carla feel about going public?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you know how some people have a work persona, but then when you get to know them socially, they are totally different? She doesn't seem to be one of those people. I always see students hanging around her. She is just a strong, confident person. I don't think anyone would be able to guess about us. But I'm not sure she would care if people knew."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She must have tenure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Rachel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What if she dumps me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What if I'm just her current plaything? What if I'm her naive little semester fling? One in a series and all that. God! I would freak!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What brought these thoughts to the surface?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm just wondering and worrying. It's what I do best, you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is Carla a lesbian?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Haven't you been...isn't it obvious?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you know about her history? Has she ever been married? Are you her first female lover?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We didn't get that far. I think she knows more about me than I do about her. Our relationship is kind of built on sex. The first time we really talked was when I spilled my guts, literally and figuratively!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good pun. Seriously, though, you may be the first woman she has ever been with. And there's a possibility that you'll end up dumping her. Besides, from what you've said so far, except for the kissing incident, it sounds like you have enjoyed being with Carla. You have good sex, you're able to relax, and you opened up with someone in some really healthy ways. Think about what you have gained from knowing Carla."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wouldn't this make being dumped just that much more tragic?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can use the experience as a stepping stone to better relationships. Maybe she is doing you a favor. But it sounds to me like she genuinely cares about you and you have no reason to doubt your friendship."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Except for this doubting disease with which I seem to be afflicted. I guess I can talk to her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "During our last session, you mentioned wanting to make a connection with someone, wanting to know someone spiritually and physically. Haven't you done this with Carla?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but I'm not ready for it to end."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then make the most out of it. I hate to repeat myself, but there are many risks in getting to know someone. Getting rejected is, unfortunately, one of them. Is Carla worth the risk?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So far. I really, really like Carla. She's allowed me to open up a vault that's been sealed for a long time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Keep that in mind. Did you get a chance to write since our last session?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I've been too distracted. I have a new hobby. Her name is Carla."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand. What about your yoga practice?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I do it on my own now, at home. The class is pretty expensive. Gram was complaining about it, especially because she was pinching pennies for her trip to Germany."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was pretty fun being alone in the house. I could get used to it, except it's way too big for just one person. It always seems kind of empty without Michael and Mom around."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you ever think about moving out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I also think about working again, but not as a manicurist. I see your nails have deteriorated, by the way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "By contrast, yours are looking the best I can remember, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. I might start looking for a part time job, something at the college would be perfect. I'll let you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sure you will. It's time to end the session, unless you have something else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm done. And Doctor? I like what you said about stepping stones. It makes my future sound like it's going to get better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It will, Rachel. Count on it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See you on August 28th. Take care."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Doctor."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 17th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, September 11, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nHi."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Rachel. Please sit down. Hmm. Are you okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I'm not. I'm sinking. I'm in deep again, and I don't know how to get back out. I'm sorry. I'm not making much sense."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are making enough sense for me to know that you're struggling hard with OCD again. I'm sorry I had to miss our last appointment. What's going on, Rachel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Where should I start? Carla and I aren't seeing each other anymore. Maybe it was inevitable. Remember when I asked, \"What if she dumps me?\" I guess I kind of knew even then that it might not work out. Maybe I couldn't give her enough of what she needed, or she got tired of waiting. Maybe the novelty wore off. But there are other things going on, too. My grandmother and I have been at odds with each other since she returned from Germany."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want to go back to Carla for a moment. Do you feel like you got closure with that relationship?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you and Carla come to an understanding as to why you won't be seeing each other?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just told you why."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but it sounded as if you weren't sure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure that I have sexual limitations. I'm sure that she's going to replace me as soon as she finds a new guinea pig. I'm sure that I'll be reminded of my failure every time I see her or hear her name."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I'm going to take each of the issues you just mentioned and turn them around to give you another way of looking at them. First, instead of thinking you have sexual limitations, remember that you were able to explore intimacy and gain trust with a lover. The last I heard, you were enjoying the physical relationship with Carla."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There were things I couldn't do, though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but let's focus on what you were able to do. You also mentioned Carla finding someone new. I'm quite certain that, in time, you'll find someone new, too. Carla could have been your stepping stone in exploring intimate relationships. The experience you gained with her will help you in the future."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's a thought that horrifies me at the moment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand, but that will change. I promise. I also want you to be very clear that you didn't fail in this relationship. You triumphed in many ways. You explored intimacy, developed trust, revealed your OCD to a new person, and you got a lot of enjoyment out of the experience."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But it hurts like hell right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No pain, no gain?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly. And your ability to see a lighter side in the midst of tough times is refreshing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I amaze myself, too, but not in ways that you'd agree with. I'm amazed that I put myself in a vulnerable position. And now I have to pay for my stupidity."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have to learn to see the positive results of this relationship."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm sorry. It's not that I really feel stupid. It's just that I need a way to stop from feeling used. I feel so naive. I guess I need to learn from my mistakes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. What would you want to change if you could?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I might have slowed down. First, we have a couple of beers, and the next thing I know, she's in my pants...or in my swimsuit, to be precise. But I have to admit, it felt good getting carried away."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's what I'm looking for, Rachel. It felt good--that's a positive way of looking at this experience. Stepping stones, not quicksand."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor Balis, this is all well and good to be sitting in your office, saying the right things, processing on a cerebral level. But what do I do when I start stewing about it at home? Look at this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh no. I'm sorry. I should have been there for you. You could have told my service, and they would have gotten me in New York. I..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's too late. I was sort of in a trance. Pretty ugly, huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn't notice your hair until you pointed it out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have a lot of experience hiding my bad habits."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Pulling your hair out like that is not..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Whatever. Part of the problem is that school was out for the Summer, and I had too much time on my hands, so to speak."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you remember what lead up to the hair pulling? What thoughts did you have prior and during?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was just sitting at my desk. I'd been playing Hearts on the computer, when I started thinking about how it was so much work to try to be normal. I felt deserted--no school, no Carla, no more solitude, no job. And then I started to think about all the things I wasn't able to do in my relationship with Carla. Maybe I didn't deserve to be with someone. I still wonder if I was too selfish. Whew! True confessions."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. And when did you realize that you were pulling your hair out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I consciously stopped for a moment to get out my journal. I opened it up to a blank page and actually tried to come up with some things to write down to divert myself from negative thinking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I got writer's block and started thinking and pulling again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. What did you do with the hair you pulled out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I looked at it, found the end with the root, and then--this is going to sound really weird--and then I pressed it onto a piece of paper using my fingernail. I \"glued\" it to the paper at one end. Eventually, I had lined all the hairs up in rows."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's what I used to do before, only I worked in front of a mirror and stuck them to the mirror. When I was done, I pulled them off, folded them in a piece of paper, and tossed them. When I'm in front of the mirror, I can see the gray hairs and the wiry ones. Those are the ones I'm after--the less than perfect ones."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But your hair loss is all in one area, above your temple."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, have you pulled hair from other places?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My pubic hairs were all gone a while back. But you're the only one who knows about that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you are not aware of the moment you start to pull your hair. Did you try to stop when you realized what you were doing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. The attraction of pulling is hard to describe. It feels cleansing, in a way. Maybe subconsciously, it's like lightening my load, hair by hair. Also, I'm trying to get rid of imperfection--the imperfect hairs. There's definitely a pleasurable sensation that goes along with it. Even the prickle of a hair root popping out is satisfying somehow."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you for giving me the details. I know you see the drawbacks in succumbing to the desire to pull out your hair. We need to get you back on track. I see this is a temporary reaction--because your relationship with Carla ended, and because you had extra time, you somehow found comfort in an old ritual. But I think I have some ideas on how to help you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you going to increase my meds?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't think it would be an effective option at this point. No, my proposal is going to require more work than that but I think it could be more effective."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm listening."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your hands are a big part of how you express your OCD. They are almost a weather vane, telling of an approaching storm or clear skies. We need to find something for your hands to do while your mind wonders that's a lot less destructive than pulling your hair out. We need a constructive activity to keep your hands busy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In many cultures, people carry beads or stones in their pockets to play with when they worry about something--the worry stones. There are other things that work to the same effect. Here's one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A Koosh ball?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The one and only. But a tennis ball, stress ball, or even Silly Putty would work. You knead it, squeeze it, manipulate it instead of pulling your hair."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That could work at home, but what about in public?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A rabbit's foot on a key chain, quarters in your pocket, knots in a hankie, even twisting the ring on your finger are all ways to transfer agitation. Smoking is the classic example, but I'm not going to recommend that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Choke! I guess I can try something like that. I like the texture of those gummy plastic toys that are so abundant now. I played with them before. They are kind of icky, though. But if I am not aware of the moment when I start to pull, how do I stop myself and transfer that energy into a worry toy?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You mentioned that you sat at your computer one time you started, and you used to pull hair in front of a bathroom mirror. The idle times are probably when you are most vulnerable. Your mind drifts, and before you know it, your hand is in your hair. If you always try to have a purpose before you sit down to relax, you might be able to decrease the down time. When you finish an activity, get up and move on to your next purposeful act. Also, try to have the replacement items nearby. Have several of them to turn to when you need them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A whole arsenal of new toys."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It will require a conscious effort. Awareness is the first step. One day at a time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You sound like you are reading bumper stickers."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sorry for the clich��s. You do know what I mean, don't you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "One more thing, you can make your hair unavailable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Shave?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That may sound extreme, but some people with trich do resort to a that option."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Trick?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Trich. Trich is short for trichotillomania, the act of hair pulling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's weird. I didn't know there was a name for it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Scientists like to name everything. But you can wrap your hair up or tie it back. You can put it up into a towel during the times when you are at your computer."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was only wearing this scarf to cover up the bald spot, but I guess I can wear it to protect myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's it. And I want you to notice something for our next session. Pay attention to the thoughts you're having that lead to the desire to pull. Also notice if you feel tension while resisting the urge to pull. Tell me for how long you were successful--days, hopefully, but time may go slowly because I've asked you to focus on this one thing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't had homework for awhile."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When does school start up again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Next week. I'm starting to lose the motivation. But I'm afraid of what I'll become, if I don't go to school."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem to be at your best when you are busy. I encourage you to continue school, yoga, swimming, writing. Perhaps you can take up knitting. That's a good busy hands activity and productive, too. And didn't you say you play the piano?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can, but I don't."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It seems like a perfect activity for those hands."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll think about it. The piano is just sitting there collecting dust."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So, which of my suggestions are you going to try?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but my grandmother is paying you big bucks, and you are sending me away with a prescription for Koosh balls, a buzz cut, and a rabbit's foot? What's up with that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I thought you understood..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hold on to your doctorate! I'm just kidding! Seriously, every time I meet with you, I feel like there is a shred of sanity left in me. I take your input to heart. It's like in yoga classes, the instructor can make an adjustment or say something in a way that makes me understand the pose just a little better. Some of the things you say I replay over and over. You've really helped me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You almost had me there. I appreciate the feedback, Rachel. I don't always feel successful."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Especially considering my record!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, be positive. It's my weird humor coming out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So, I'll see you in two weeks?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I look forward to it."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 1st Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, September 23, 1997 at 1 pm.\nYou must be Ms. Tanner."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Hello Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sit anywhere you like. Or don't sit. Whatever makes you most comfortable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You have a file on me already?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, of course. And I'll be adding things to the file as I'm documenting your progress."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's not easy being here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know it must be difficult. But I'm glad you are sharing your feelings. That's a good start, Ms. Tanner. Would you rather I call you Rachel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I guess I should call you Doctor, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would prefer it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My grandma made me see you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but you are here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm curious, what did she say about me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll be honest with you, Rachel. Your grandmother is worried about you. She sees you spending a lot of time on almost ritualistic grooming. She's very proud of your ambitions and of your accomplishments, yet some of your behaviors she witnesses at home are perplexing to her. Do you know what she is referring to?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I do what I have to do to get through the day. Or night."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She said you have a lot of nervous habits."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you give me more details about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can tell you a lot about what I do. My question is will you understand? No one has so far. My grandma doesn't; she thinks I'm procrastinating. Or crazy. She hasn't said it to my face, but that's probably what she thinks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. I will do my best to try to understand you, Rachel. Why don't you try telling me what's going on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hope you're ready for this. Whew! Take counting, okay? I have to count to get through certain everyday things like brushing my hair. I try to brush it 20 times. But if I think I've miscounted or brushed one side more than the other, then I have to start over again for another 20 times. The thing is that lately I doubt myself and become less and less sure that I've counted right. I think I've lost some hair from brushing so much. That's probably why Gram panicked."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you describe your hair brushing as a ritual?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess so. I do it several times a day and always in a certain way. Brushing my teeth, filing my nails, walking from one place to another in my house--those are all things I seem to get caught up in. I can't not do them. I used to spend a lot of time in the shower."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you count in the shower?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I had a certain order that I would wash myself. If I washed something out of order--like my right arm before my left--I'd have to start over. The order was hard to remember--actually, I think it changed from week to week--so I'd get it wrong a lot. I spent three hours in the shower once."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was your grandmother aware of this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sort of. She was yelling at me outside the locked bathroom door. Then she tried to pick the lock. I think she was scared, even though I was yelling back that I was okay. Somehow, she knew I was having a problem. Then she changed the door handle to one that doesn't lock. Then she started timing my showers. If I didn't finish in ten minutes, she would turn the water off. I mean at the valve outside!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How much time do you spend on your rituals during a typical day? Two hours? Four?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "On a typical day, probably four hours. That's for things that would take about one hour for a normal person. Doctor Balis, I've told you a lot about myself. Can you tell me something about you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure. I've been a doctor for many years, although I've only been a psychiatrist for about three years. I spent the first couple of years in a psychiatric clinic at Columbia University in New York. And then about a year ago, I started my San Francisco practice--that's when I moved to the Bay Area. But you are the patient, Rachel. We need to focus on you. Okay? Now, why do you think you need to do your rituals?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just need to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is it like an obsession?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you ever heard of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or OCD?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think so. So now I have a label. How does that help me? How can you help me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are many ways that people with OCD can function effectively. The first step is being diagnosed. From the symptoms that you've just described to me and from watching you here in my office, I believe that you might have OCD. But I need to learn more about you and your rituals. Then I think I will be able to help you. Do you want my help, Rachel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. The more you are willing to share with me, the more successful we will be."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm afraid that the more I talk about it with you, the worse it's going to get by bringing it to the surface, you know? I feel maxed out already. Some days, it's all I can do to survive a few hours at the shop. It's like I can hardly wait to get out of there, so I can...you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tell me about your work situation. Do you have rituals there?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, manicures are all about rituals, right? There is a definite order to everything. That's what I love about my work. My obsess...OCD helps me in that case, I guess. I can count file stokes on each finger, count strokes of the brush when I'm applying color, set the timer for exactly five minutes, and stuff like that. Fives are good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fives?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fives are good--five strokes, five fingers, five minutes--and so are multiples of five--five, ten, fifteen, twenty, and so on. Anything else throws me off, and I have to start over which can create real problems."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Your Grandmother told me that your problems started after your mother died?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. That was about three years ago. My mom died in a car accident. I think she might have been OCD, too. The more I think back on things she used to do, the more I realize she probably was. She always worried about my brother and me. I just thought it was a mom-thing, you know? Protection and fear about her babies."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What kinds of things do you remember your mother doing that might have been OCD?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, every time we would go somewhere, she would have to check the house. I mean lights, heater, the stove, the doors, the dog, the appliances. Sometimes, three times. She would ask us to help her, and we would try. But in the end, she couldn't be satisfied until she had personally done the checking. She was always so careful with us kids in car--white knuckle, you know? She never got on the freeway and always took the side streets. Always went the same way, every time. I could tell you stories..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For years, I felt like her accident was my fault. I had a list in my head of all the things I could have done differently."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What kinds of things?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I tried to help her around the house, but it seemed like things had to be done a certain way. You don't know how hard it is to live with someone like that--like a perfectionist, only worse. I'd try to take shortcuts. She made me feel like I never did a good enough job. It became a joke with my brother and me--cleaning our rooms. We'd stash stuff under the beds, lie to her about dusting. So I guess my list includes all that dishonesty. We kind of mocked her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think that her death might have been your fault?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because we were mean to her. I think it was a suicide. The day she died, she took the car out by herself. She hadn't done that in years. I think she was so disappointed with us and so unhappy with her life, that she gave up. We might have been to blame."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you still feel that way?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. Well, maybe. You wouldn't believe the thoughts in my head. I don't want you to think I'm crazy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, OCD is a complex disease. It can cause depression and anxiety, but that doesn't mean you're crazy. And sharing the thoughts that plague you could be a relief in itself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I mean, all the things I do are not really for the right reasons. Why do I retrace my steps? Why do I have to put my left shoe on first? Why do my nails have to be perfect? I guess it's because if I think I'm doing things the right way, then..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm just so frustrated. I know I can't bring my mother back. I keep thinking that I've used up all my chances. I have to be good from now on to make things balance out--that's what I tell myself. But there's no logic to what I do. These rituals don't have a whole lot to do with my mom's death. They seem trivial, but I still have to do them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A lot of OCD sufferers obsess about doing things the right way. But that obsession is OCD talking, it's not the real you. Your thoughts get trapped into a rerun mode and play over and over again, is that right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you had lists. Do you find yourself checking things, too?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Certain things, yes. My lists are different than my mom's. Mine aren't related to safety as much as order. Oh, and personal hygiene."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your hands and your hair."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Tell me about your living situation."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My dad left just before I turned twelve--happy birthday to me. I've lived with my grandma ever since my mom died. Gram gives me a lot of space. I have my own room. We eat dinner together every night. She's kind of a loner, so it works out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think your grandmother has OCD, too?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If she does, she keeps it hidden. Or else I'm so preoccupied with my own stuff that I don't notice hers. Doctor, how long does a session last?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "About an hour. I know that it's getting late, but let me ask you just a few more questions. Have you ever kept a journal?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'd like you to try to write down some of your feelings or thoughts during the week. It might be a good way to record the subtle changes that you'd feel as you continue therapy. If you want to bring the journal to our sessions, we can talk about it here together. But it's up to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I could try that. Thanks, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In our next session, I want to talk to you about some relaxation techniques. Can we meet next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'd prefer once every two weeks, if you don't mind."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As you prefer. Let's see, that'll be October 7th at 1 pm, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Are you going to talk to my grandma again?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not right away. Do you have reservations about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I'll talk to her, too--about the condition of your nails, of course."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn't think they were that bad--good to hear some humor from you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not kidding!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Doctor."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 2nd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, October 7, 1997 at 1:00 pm.\nHello, Rachel. How are you today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have a seat. You look different. Do you want to talk about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My nose? I guess I have to, right? I mean that's why I'm here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did it happen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, when I get home from the Hairport, I feel really stressed most of the time. I have to just sit for awhile. Well, actually I never just sit because I'm too nervous, but you know what I mean. Anyway, the other day I was at home at my desk, and I got out my close-up mirror and started to work on the blackheads and dirt that builds up on my nose during the day. I used my fingernails to scrape my face. I guess I got carried away. It scabbed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I can see that. Are you putting anything on it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gram has some stuff that comes in a tube that's supposed to be good. This has happened before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. By the way, during our first session, you said that you were afraid your symptoms might get worse because of meeting with me. Did they?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't scraped my face in a long time, so that's not good. But I haven't been counting things as much. Oh, and it took me a long time to get to sleep the night after our first session."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Remember I wanted to show you some relaxation techniques? Are you interested in trying one today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do I have to do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Get settled in the chair--try not to move after you do--close your eyes, listen to what I say, and try to follow my suggestions. Visualize."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're not going to hypnotize me, are you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I just want to help you relax. My goal today is to try to keep your hands still for a few minutes. Eventually, I want you to learn how to increase that time by trying this technique on your own. It will take concentration. So first of all, is there anything distracting you at this moment?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You mean in this office?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That clock ticking. And the bubbling of the aquarium, but actually the aquarium is kind of soothing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll take care of the clock. Get yourself settled into that chair. Is that where you want your hands to rest for the whole relaxation?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I can't move?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's the idea. I suggest putting your palms face down on your lap."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll try it. Yeah, that feels okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Close your eyes. Your gaze should be downward--as if you're looking into your cheekbones. Tighten the muscles in your face. Really crunch up. Now relax them. Your forehead is free from worry; your eyebrows are relaxed. Keep your hands in your lap, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your jaw is not tense. Your tongue should be resting against your lower teeth and against the bottom of your mouth. Your teeth just barely meet. Keep breathing steadily through your nose. Hands still. Raise your shoulders until they almost touch your ears. Good. Now let them sink away from your head as your muscles relax. Your collar bones are descending making your neck feel longer. Breathe. Hands still."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Argh! It's hard!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tighten your buttocks for three seconds. One. Two. Three. Let go. Feel yourself sink into the chair. Gravity is pulling you securely into the comfort of the cushion. Your arms are not resisting as they rest. Keeping your hands on your lap. Clench both fists, tighter, tighter. Now let them go. Breathe. Digit by digit relax you fingers. Let your thumbs rest. Release the index fingers. Now the middle. Ring and little fingers are completely limp in your lap. Very good. Deep breaths. Wiggle your toes and curl your feet inside your shoes. Now relax them. I want you to stay immobile for three full breaths. Inhale deeply through your nose. Now exhale all the air through your nose. Imagine your breath is a wave slowly filling your body and then slowly exiting. It's hard to tell when one breath ends and the next begins. Two more breaths. Let the air come all the way into your body, then release all of it. Last breath. When you've finished exhaling, very slowly begin to open your eyes. Slowly! Focus at first only on your hands which are quiet in your lap. Now let your gaze lift and focus until you slowly take in the rest of the room. That was very good, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was hard to get started, but then I didn't want it to end."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You did fine, Rachel, just fine. How did it feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I felt trapped at first. I didn't think I could do it when you said I couldn't move. How long did that last?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How long do you think it lasted?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About five minutes?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Less than two. I'll give you a tape that has several relaxations of varying lengths. It's a commercial tape, so it'll be someone else's voice--a woman, as I recall."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll try it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. What if I can't do this at home?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have to train your body to relax, so don't give up or get discouraged. It may take several tries. If you like, we can practice this again together during our next session. I'm pleased with your response today. I want you to start feeling like you're in charge of your OCD."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor, when should I do the relaxation tape thing? Would it help to do it before I go to bed?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There's a good chance that it will, yes. But experiment and try relaxing at different times of the day--when you have an opportunity, of course. You have to try and see what works best for you. How many hours of sleep is normal for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Here's a typical routine. I take a short shower, then Gram rubs my feet with lotion because I get psoriasis really bad. Then I brush my hair. Then I get into bed. I usually turn on the radio and lay in the dark thinking. It's hard to say when I fall asleep. I would guess I get about five or six hours a night."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Is that enough? If you could, would you sleep more?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Did you try writing a journal?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I wrote twice. I forgot to bring it with me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you remember what you wrote about? Is there anything you wish to discuss?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, actually yes. I had a major panic attack."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that something new?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Kind of...it happened yesterday. Swimming is the one thing that relaxes me and helps wear me out. But the public pool became a nightmare to me because of the hygiene thing. Gram put in a lap pool so that I could swim at home. She uses it too, of course, but it's a daily thing for me. Anyway yesterday, I was sitting on the edge putting on my cap, and I noticed three blackbirds on the other end of the pool. They were in the shallow gutter taking baths. I guess you could say I lost it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, they contaminated the water. Birds have all kinds of lice and dead skin, plus there was a feather floating on the water. I took one look at that feather coming towards me and started choking. I didn't think I was going to be able to move. That feather just bobbed and bobbed getting closer and closer until I almost puked. I finally crawled across the deck to the outdoor shower, but barely. The whole time I was showering off, the birds continued bathing, leaving their filth behind."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was your grandmother aware of all this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She noticed right away that I wasn't in the pool for my usual length of time. She came out when I was toweling off and asked what happened to my legs. See? She knew what to do about my legs, but she wasn't sure what to do about the pool water."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The pool water is usually treated with chlorine to make it difficult for germs to live. And the creatures that parasitize birds are generally not interested in humans. Additionally, I'm sure your grandmother maintains the pool at the proper p.h.-level..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She reminded me of all that. And I watched her pour in more chemicals right after the incident. Like I said before, a lot of my reactions aren't really logical. I know this. I'm a mess, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tell me something, Rachel. Are there times in your life when you feel like you might want to hurt yourself?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like my mother did? Doctor, that's why I stopped driving. This disease or disorder or whatever can make you feel pretty crappy. A lot of what I do stems from not measuring up, disappointing people, not being able to share my life with someone because I'm so weird. So the temptation to off myself does come up. It would be so easy to do it in a car. I was getting really scared--not to mention exhausted--whenever I drove somewhere. The concentration it took to keep it together would absolutely wear me out. Then I'd have a hard time getting to sleep thinking about who I could've killed including myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that why your grandmother drives you here?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, she is my safety."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Safety?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Without Gram I wouldn't be able to really go anywhere other than work. I'm safe with her. I'm only talking about going to the grocery store, the library, the Hairport, and the video store. The rest of the time, I stay in the car or at home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. I think it's significant that your life is so impacted by your OCD. It's keeping you from enjoying certain privileges that most of us take for granted. Rachel, you're an attractive, articulate young lady. You have skills, education, and you're well-cared for. You mentioned feeling trapped during the relaxation. I'd imagine that your OCD gives you that feeling as well, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course. Damn it! Why do I always end up crying in your office?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're frustrated. I suspect you might even suffer from a depression. I've noticed your honesty with me, and you seem very willing to work hard. I'm encouraged that you can make progress. But it's not going to be easy. Lots of things will surface as we continue with therapy. Things may get worse before they get better. We'll take it a day at a time. Okay? Need another tissue?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Rats. I think I opened this thing up again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll get you something for it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Will this help?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. A little lamb?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's good cheer."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're going to make me cry again. I'm not used to getting presents. Do you always keep a bunch of little stuffed animals around for your crying patients?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You never know when they'll be useful. Feel better now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A little. You're sweet, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, our session is over. I want you to continue writing in your journal and try the relaxation tape. Take care, Rachel, and I'll see you at our next session in two weeks. Let's see, that's October 21st at one o'clock."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Doctor. Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 18th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, October 16, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nHello, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel! How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Better, I guess. I look awful, I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don't look well. Have you seen a doctor?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I've got all kinds of lotions and potions to fix me up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What have you been prescribed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let's see. I got Kenalog for my cold sores, some kind of steroid cream for my psoriasis, Prozac, of course, and antibiotics for the sinus infection. It seems like when the weather changed, my body freaked. It's still protesting. I might have to make this session short, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let's just catch up a little, then we'll let you get back home to bed. How does that sound?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So, you had a cold, and now it turned into a sinus infection?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Allergies are a late development in my life, lucky me. At first, I thought the sore throat was just drainage, but then it turned into a full blown cold. I missed a couple days of school. Then I got the cold sores, then the sinus thing. I'm tired, but I've been hanging in with the school stuff. I'm only taking six units this time around, thank god!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tell me about the psoriasis."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, that. Well, off and on for years, I've had bouts with it. When I was about twelve, I had to wear these gloves at night while my hands were lathered up with cream. My nails almost fell out. This isn't so bad. Just in time for Halloween, huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes, psoriasis crops up due to stress. Do you feel like you have more demands on you than usual?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think I told you that my grandma and I hadn't been getting along that well lately. She's been really sweet since I got sick, but before that, we got into a few yelling matches. She thinks I'm spoiled and ungrateful. She's right. I know she wants to move back to Germany, and I'm keeping her from it. She's restless, and I'm needy. She's kind of stuck until I get my act together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And, of course, there's your school."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is your semester going?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So so. I feel kind of out of it. I'm taking a poetry class, that's the best. It starts first thing in the morning. The teacher is young, and energetic, and romantic. He makes it fun. Then I have a biology class. It's one of those huge lecture classes. And then there's lab two days a week. That's about all I can handle right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you keeping up with the homework?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course. Did I tell you that I have a 3.6 grade point average?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. That's great, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Actually, I got all A's. I wasn't as successful a couple years ago, so my old C's brought the average down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad you stayed with school. I think you're a person who likes to learn, and you do better when you're involved."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I do; I am. I have felt out of it for so long. School gives me a way to enter the real world again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Some people go to school to escape the real world."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it's more real than the rest of my life has ever been."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it's good for you. Keep up the good work, Rachel. Now, according to my notes, you were going to try to reduce the hair pulling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I armed myself with toys, like you suggested. I had no idea there were so many feelies on the market."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "\"Feelies?\""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's what I call them. It seems their only purpose is to provide people like me with something to do with our hands. It was fun shopping. I can't say I manipulate them that much. My hands are suffering again, as you've probably noticed. They are a mess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can remember your hands were so well manicured at one point. Can you turn this fidgeting into something more positive? Instead of picking at the nails and skin, can you nurture your hands?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wish I could just leave them alone altogether. I even dream about my hands. I can see them, just in front of me, typing on the keyboard, writing, wringing something out, dialing, pointing. I bet they twitch all night long. It's like they never get to rest!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And the hair pulling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm still doing it. For about two days after our last session, I caught myself each time I did it. I even wrote down what I had been thinking just prior to the act, but it didn't last. God! I'm always picking at myself! I wish I could just stop!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, you've been struggling for a while now, and I see additional manifestations of your OCD that concern me. I think I would like to increase your dosage of Prozac. What do you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In fact, I would like to try doubling your dosage to forty milligrams a day. It will be a year in November since you've started taking Prozac. And it's not uncommon to adjust the dosage periodically. I think it might take a certain edge off, perhaps even reduce some of your anxiety. I would also like, with your permission, to speak with your regular physician. I'd like to coordinate our efforts so that we could both work on helping you. My concern is mainly with the psoriasis. I want to make sure that our treatments are compatible. Would you object?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not at all. His name is Doctor Malcolm. Gram can get you his phone number. Should I expect to feel different because of the increased amount of Prozac?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In general, Prozac can cause sleeplessness, sometimes headaches and weight loss. But you've responded so well to it, that I don't anticipate any adverse effects."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll try it. Will it help me feel less agitated?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that how you feel now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It's like I'm itching from the inside out. And it's not just physical, it's a mental itch, too. I want to act on my ideas, but I keep holding myself back. I'm ready, but not quite ready. I'm very restless, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Yes, this should help. Technically, it should suppress intrusive urges. But you'll have to be more diligent about therapy, Rachel. Medication alone won't give you relief."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "To tell you the truth, I'm already relieved a little. I'm not so good at hiding my OCD these days. You've helped give me the courage to push onward, but sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, and I can't believe I'm going out in public--scarf on my hair, cream on my hands, rabbit's foot dangling from my backpack, my grandmother driving me to school. What a nerd!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I know you have moments when you feel powerful, and brave, and on top of things. Remember that Rachel Tanner when you feel weak. Try, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Is this a good time to end the session, Doctor?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. We can end here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good. I'm tired, and Gram is probably sick of waiting for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, our next session will be two weeks from now, on October 30th, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds good. Thanks, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're welcome. Goodbye, Rachel, take care yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 3rd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, October 21, 1997 at 1:00 pm.\nHello, Rachel. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not that great, Doctor. I lost my job."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sorry. What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In September, my hours were cut back. That was when Doria, my boss, told me she might have to let me go, period. I think I shocked her, because I started crying right there in the shop. So she backed off a little and told me to just come in six hours a week for awhile. Well, I've been coming in on Mondays and Wednesdays in the afternoon, but my clientele has been dropping off. To make things worse, when things get slow at the shop, I have to help clean the place up. But Doria doesn't make me sweep dead hair or anything, thank God. I just clean up the retail stuff, move products off the shelves, wipe the counters off--you know, jerk work. But you know what's weird? I checked the calendar and guess what? Monica's doing most of my people now--they're right there in the books. I'm down to four people when I used to have at least two dozen regulars. Doria has been scheduling my customers with Monica instead of me! I've been a nervous wreck ever since September, because I thought I was going to get canned. All that sweat for nothing--she fired me anyway!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think Doria fired you? Any idea?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't really fit in. All the other beauticians do hair and waxing and permanent make-up. I just do nails. And my hair doesn't look that great most of the time, so maybe she doesn't like my image. She's offered many times to give me a discount or a trade to do my hair, but as it is, I can hardly stand to be in the shop with all the chemicals and stuff floating around. Anyway, I didn't want her to see my...you know, bald spots."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Sounds like you weren't particularly happy working there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wasn't that happy there. I felt like a stranger more and more. Since I stopped driving, it also became an inconvenience. I guess I can think of a lot of reasons why it wasn't that great a job."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your grandmother mentioned that you had once enrolled at the junior college, but later quit. Have you considered going back to school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's certainly an option. And you might discover something that you really enjoy doing...a new profession."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your grandmother said that you were a very dedicated student. Your family was proud of your grades."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Compared to my brother's grades, yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have to give yourself some credit, Rachel. And you've been open to my other suggestions in the past. It surprises me to hear you shut these doors so quickly now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm kind of joking, but kind of not. I'm bummed about losing my job, but I'm not sure I'm ready to hit the books just yet, that's all. Can I change the subject?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Go ahead."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've been writing in my journal every day. It gives me something to do instead of nervous things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Excellent. I've noticed your nose has healed."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. And I tried the relaxation tape twice. I like side two with the longer exercises. They go for about twenty minutes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you able to relax? The goal was to try to keep your hands still for a prescribed amount of time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes, I get lost in the meditation--I don't really know what I've been doing until it's over. I lie on the floor and I feel great. I don't think about anything except what Sylvia tells me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sylvia?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The woman who speaks on the tape. Her name is Sylvia."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, right. Are you sleeping any better?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I think about the stupid job a lot. I think about Gram and my mom. I think about my brother and what might happen to him. I think about you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You've mentioned your brother before. Can you tell me a bit more about him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Michael is two years younger than me. He now lives in Sausalito with his friends because Gram kicked him out. He managed to pass the G.E.D. last month. He's one of those kids who is really smart but unmotivated. He waits tables and rides his mountain bike. He's cool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you worry about him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because he's kind of a druggie. Sometimes, I think he's too smart to let anything stupid happen to him. But then, I know how drugs can mess you up. It scares me. I do what I can to help him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Here we go again. This is hard for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can see that. Tell me what you can. I'm here to help you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, remember I said that I count things? Whenever I climb the stairs, I count. There are thirteen steps in my house, and that's an unlucky number. So I have to take two giant steps from the top of the stairs to reach my bedroom--that makes fifteen. If I have to go to the bathroom, that's two steps in the other direction--that's still cool. But when I have to take something to Gram's bedroom, or walk down to the hall closet, or to Michael's old room I get screwed up. If my steps don't end with a multiple of five, I feel like it will end up in bad news. I mean, bad news for Michael."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you ever noticed a connection between a wrong number of steps and something bad happening to Michael?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm, I'm trying to think. Um, I don't know. Bad stuff is always happening to him. His bike got ripped off, he cut his hand at work on one of the glass table-tops, his hard drive crashed. But I don't think it had anything to do with what I did. I just don't want something really bad to happen to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you feel like you can guard against bad things by carefully counting your steps and making sure that you always stop on a multiple of five."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don't sound so sure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It sounds kind of lame. Hmm?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad you think so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You want me to hear just how ridiculous I sound, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think that might be a good idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I'll try it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm going to start the tape to give it a lead, and I'll give you the thumb's up to begin speaking. Say the sentence about five time. Ready? Go."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If I carefully count my steps and make sure I stop on a multiple of five, then Michael will be safe. If I carefully count my steps and make sure I stop on a multiple of five, then Michael will be safe. If I carefully count my steps and make sure I stop on a multiple of five, then Michael will be safe. If I carefully count my steps and make sure I stop on a multiple of five, then Michael will be safe. If I carefully count my steps and make sure I stop on a multiple of five, then Michael will be safe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very good. Here's your tape. Try listening to it a couple of times a day. Listen to the whole message each time. You can even make a tally marks on the tape box itself for each time you listen if you want to keep track."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I'll try it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hopefully after listening to yourself a number of times, you'd internalize just how illogical this obsession is and you'll be able to disassociate Michael's well-being from the ritual. The number of steps you take have nothing to do with Michael, and you know it. Now, you have to reprogram your brain to believe it. Your OCD is like a rocking chair--it moves, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Counting your steps is like that. But I'm not asking you to abandon the counting ritual right now. I just want you to feel freed from the responsibility and burden that this obsession places on you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That would be nice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay then. For the next two weeks, I want you to continue the relaxation exercises, concentrating on keeping your hands still. I would also like you to listen to the tape we made today. I'm glad you're writing your journal, and I hope you will continue. I would also like you to start keeping track of your sleep--note in the journal if you had a good night's sleep or not, how long it took to get to sleep, and if you remember any dreams jot those down, too. Any questions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're cool, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. See you in fourteen days. Or should we make it fifteen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Funny."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Rachel. Wait. Actually, I have a conflict at this time. Can we make it 3 o'clock instead?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, now that I'm unemployed...actually 3 is better because that's really 15 o'clock. Have a good week, Doctor."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 4th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, November 4, 1997 at 3:00 pm.\nCome in, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not that great."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm listening."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I brought back the tape that we made last time. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to keep it. You can see how much I listened to it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did it help?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Remember I told you about counting the steps to my room and all that? Well, just from making the tape and listening to it those few times, I tried not counting. Then I tried counting by twos. By the time I got to my room, it was 28 steps, and that was okay because it was an even number."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You replaced one counting ritual with another."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but I proved that it could be done or changed. Then I called Michael to check up on him, and he said everything in his life was cool right now. I probably shouldn't have called him, but I wanted to know for sure. So then, I tried only counting the stairs and forgetting the rest. As long as there are thirteen steps, then everything is cool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You walked up the stairs in this building, didn't you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but once I learn how many steps there are, it's just a reassurance thing that I count the same number each time. There are two steps to get into the lobby of your building, there are four stories with eighteen steps to each floor. That makes seventy-four stairs altogether--again, an even number."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There are four steps to the library and three to the Hairport. Hey! I suppose I could take the handicapped ramp and avoid steps all together!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Great idea! Then there's nothing to count. Rachel, I'm curious. There are twenty tally marks on this tape box, so have you listened to it twenty times? How would you say you distributed your listening throughout the last two week, evenly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. Those were all from the first three days, then I didn't listen at all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gram overheard it one day and had a fit. She wanted me to explain why we had made a tape with such nonsense on it. I told her about my counting things. She had no idea."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tell me more about her reaction."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just let it all out. I told her about my fears about Michael and how I have to count and brush and everything. She listened the whole time, raising her eyebrows like she does but not saying anything. When I was done, she looked like she was going to cry. She said my mom's name in a breathy sort of way, \"Katrina...\" And then she talked about Mom and how troubled she was at my age. Gram said she had hoped that I wouldn't take on Mom's possessions--that's the way she put it--but now she sees that I have."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you learn anything new about your mother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Gram said whenever she and Grandpa tried to entertain, Mom would come in beforehand and commandeer. She would dictate to her parents where the guests could and couldn't go in the house. Mom loved to help get out the best dishes, but that was because she didn't want anyone but the family using the everyday dishes--the contamination thing again. She'd even move one particular chair into her bedroom, because she didn't want anyone to sit in it. That was a cool discovery, because that same chair is in my bedroom. It's mine now. But basically, Gram talked about how worried she used to be about Mom--her nervous little bird. She calls me that too, affectionately. She said one thing that freaked me out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She asked how she could help me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why did that bother you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gram doesn't usually reach out to me like that. And it made me think about my mother. Then, I was thinking about how tortured my grandmother must have been most of her life with two OCDers to worry about. I just started sobbing. I wish there was something she could do! I wish there was something you could do!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm sorry. I feel like since I've been coming to you, it's been bringing things to the surface. I keep trying to do what you ask me to, but I'm not sure it's helping. I want the noise in my head to go away! Now that I'm not working, I have all this time to think. Just when I finish a ritual, I start the thoughts over again to make sure that there's nothing left to worry about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I'm going to review what we have tried so far. First of all, the fact that you keep honoring your appointments is a very positive accomplishment. You responded well to the relaxation we tried in my office, and you said that the tape is working for you at home. We made a tape to reinforce the notion that there's no relationship between your rituals and your brother's well-being. You were able to open up communication about your OCD with your grandmother. You said you had been writing in your journal every day--it gives you something to do besides nervous things. I suspect that your journal reveals much about your progress that you don't even realize. Have you read the first few entries lately?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want to discuss the possibility of trying something new with you. Rachel, there are medications available that have proved quite effective in relieving the tension and preoccupation that OCD can create. The best description I've heard from patients is that medication coupled with therapy can give you something equivalent to water-wings--some support until you learn to swim on your own. The analogy sort of works, except that I know that you are quite the swimmer to begin with. Can you see where I am headed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You indicated in your paperwork that you're not currently taking medication. Is this correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have no problem with all that. I have trouble sleeping as it is, and the weight loss part sounds like a plus. So, what will it do to help me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This drug should reduce the intensity of your obsessive thoughts. It typically gives more relief the longer you take it, although we're looking at a long range treatment program with a goal of eventually discontinuing the medication."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why didn't my regular doctor prescribe it to me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did your physician know as much as I do about your condition?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, now that you mention it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can't speak for your doctor, but some physicians of late are being accused of over-prescribing this medication. And I personally believe that general practitioners should not prescribe psychiatric drugs. They rarely can do the appropriate follow-up which is essential for these types of medications. Rachel, I still have a couple more questions related to the prescription. Is there a possibility that you could be pregnant?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, sir!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That makes you laugh?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I'm not exactly active in that sense."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, it's possible that the medication could make it more difficult for you to achieve orgasm, although probably not at this low dosage. Is there any history of convulsive disorders in your family?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Convulsions? Like epilepsy or something? No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you drink alcohol?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Never."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then we will try the 20 mg. per day capsules."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Capsules? Are they big bombers?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. They are not any bigger than a large vitamin. You're going to take one a day, preferably in the morning after you have eaten a little. Do you have any questions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How long is it going to take before I start noticing a difference?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You might start feeling one or more of the side effects I mentioned before you feel the benefits. I want you to give it at least eight weeks, unless of course you have an adverse reaction such as a rash. If that happens, please do not hesitate to call me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You sure sound like you want to help me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course I do, that's my job."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This thing...this OCD is very lonely. Do any of your other patients have it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Their treatment is confidential, just as yours is, so there isn't anything I can tell you about them. Rachel, I wanted to remind you that what you say in this office, what you write in your journal are private communications. You're free to share things with your grandmother, if you desire. You said the tape surprised her, but if you want to continue to listen to it or make a new one, it's your decision. Medication is also your decision. But I hope you don't have to hide the fact that you're taking this medication from your grandmother. Does this make sense?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Obviously, there's a lot I don't share with her. I want to get well, that's the bottom line. I probably won't tell her at first. I want to see how it feels for awhile. For the first time in my life, I'm starting to feel more independent because of what I share with you. I feel like I'm finally acting on something that I was afraid of for so long."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sounds very positive. It's very important that you know that talking about OCD does not make it worse. And there are a lot of people who suffer from the disorder. How have you been sleeping?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've had two bad nights when I didn't fall asleep right away. I get restless, so I turn on the computer and play games, or e-mail Michael, or look up stuff on the Net. Before I know it, it's two o'clock. But if Gram takes naps, so can I."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe in one of your nocturnal ramblings on the Internet, you can check-in on some of the forums set up for sufferers of this disorder. You'll find you're not alone. Are you still swimming?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Every day."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Excellent. You probably need to keep busy. And when you are not busy, relax. Are you able to relax enough to keep your hands still?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes. I guess I have come a long way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Baby steps. Let me write out this prescription."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Could you call it in to the pharmacy?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure, if that's what you want. What pharmacy do you want me to call?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The one in the shopping center next to that Italian market that has the great produce. D'Anelli is it called? My grandma and I shop there once a week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's a Walgreens, isn't it? I know the Italian place. You must eat well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gram's a really good cook. I'm learning."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, call me if you have any concerns about the medication. It's also really important to continue to write in your journal. I was wondering if you would bring your journal with you next time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Thanks, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See you in two weeks, on November 18th. Is this time, 3 o'clock, convenient for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is fine. I'll see you on the eighteenth."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 5th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, November 18, 1997 at 3:00 pm.\nHello, Rachel. Have a seat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you start taking the medication?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I started on Wednesday, a week and a half ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I definitely feel the drug. It reminds me of those twelve hour cold medicines--you don't really feel bad, just kind of nervous. And you have to swallow a lot. I don't know. My senses are heightened, like I see and hear more clearly or something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are these feelings unpleasant to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I feel like I have a lot of energy, and swimming has been fantastic even in the rain. I've still been restless at night, but that's nothing new. Oh, and my journal! Look at all I've been writing!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good, Rachel. Do you want me to read this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, that's not why I brought it. I take it with me all the time now, wherever I go. I've been writing a lot. I'm going to need a new one pretty soon."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you write about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How I feel. Things that happen regarding my OCD. Like the other day when Michael, my brother, e-mailed me, he told me that he got a staff infection. And I was going, \"Whoa, is it because of something I did or didn't do?\" So I wrote a bunch of maybes. Here, I'll find them. Okay. \"Maybe I should never have stopped counting the stairs. Maybe I should just forget the way I arrange my stuff on the dresser. Maybe it doesn't make any difference what I do sixty miles away from my brother.\" It goes on like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I like the part where you question the logic of your rituals. Could you read a couple more?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. \"Maybe my brother and I were twins, and Mom never told us. Maybe that's why I feel like my actions influence his. Maybe he has OCD, too.\" That's all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, OCD is sometimes called the \"doubting disease.\" Your brain reroutes the same message, and you obsess over it. What you need to do is to break the chain of thoughts and redirect it. A good analogy is a car with a standard transmission--you decide when to shift, not your car. You have to focus your attention on something more constructive. Do something else when you get the urge to count your steps, or brush your hair, or clean your nails. Fight the impulse to call your brother or get reassurance from him. Replace the undesired behavior with another, more useful activity."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like writing in my journal?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's exactly right. But do not replace one ritual with another. Don't pluck your eyebrows instead of brushing your hair, for instance. Some people try waiting for fifteen minutes when they first get the urge to perform a ritual. Set a timer if you have to, but wait. In fifteen minutes, you may find that you've forgotten that you were waiting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I could try it. Maybe I should find other things to do besides write, though. Just in case. Like maybe take a walk or play the piano."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you play?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mom forced me to take lessons. I hated it at the time, but now I can pick up any hymn book and play, as long as there aren't too many sharps or flats."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's good. It's also important to process your feelings after you've waited the fifteen minutes. Maybe you could do that in your journal. At least make mental notes of how your symptoms feel and perhaps even wait fifteen more minutes. Try this with keeping your hands still or away from your face. Break the old habits, especially with this medication. You'll probably find that the noise you were talking about during our last session will dissipate. Have you given any more thought to enrolling in school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've thought about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think I'm ready yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know school would be a big change for you. What exactly do you feel uneasy about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, getting there and back, for one thing. I don't want to be a burden on my grandmother for transportation, and I don't feel like I'm ready to take the city bus. And shouldn't I wait until after the fall quarter ends?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, these considerations seem minor to me. I'm sure your grandmother would be happy to drive you. And there are classes that last only a few weeks and could be taken at any time. What else concerns you about going to school again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just don't feel right about it. I..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Talk to me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it's been a long time since I was a student--two years. What classes would you suggest I take? And don't tell me dental hygiene!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem to have a lot of resistance to the idea of going back to school. Are you sure there isn't something else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe. I don't want to talk about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is there something you're afraid of?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor, I said I don't want to talk about it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can I go early today? I don't really have anything more to say."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We could drop the school issue for now and move to something else. But... Rachel? Rachel!"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 19th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, November 20, 1998 at 3:00 pm.\nYou look well, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Finally, uh? It was like all the bugs ganged up together and said, \"Let's dog pile on Rachel!\" I don't quite feel a hundred percent yet, but I'm so much better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It shows. Did you make your big decision yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes! If I seem worked up, it's because I'm excited about moving in with my brother. I think it's going to work out. I love the house and the neighborhood in Sausalito, especially when the tourists are gone. I have to live in the laundry room, but we are going to make it cozier. Besides, the dryer warms the place up, and I'll have my own sink. And I can come and go through my own door. And it has a great view. I took your advice and looked at all the positives."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There were fewer unknowns with that choice than with moving to Germany with your grandmother."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly. And there's another benefit with this choice..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What's that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Evan. I can get to know him better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There you go being neutral again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't want to influ..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don't worry about it. I'll just keep talking. I feel like I'm about to do some growing up, somehow. I'll probably have to start working again. There are salons where I could do manicures, but I don't know if I have the right image for those high-end shops over in Marin. An artsy fartsy coffee shop might need help, then I could dress like the slob I usually am. I don't think I could handle waiting tables like Michael does. Rent is going to be cheap. Michael said my share would only be $150. Gram said she'd allow $600 a month for living expenses, but part of it's for school. If I quit school, she'll only give me $450. It's her little incentive, manipulation, whatever you call it. That's how Germans are, \"Work makes you free,\" and all that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is school going?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine. My Bio teacher, Mr. Krieger, is one of the best I've ever had. He is a funny looking bald man with little ears that stick out, but he is so sweet. He likes my questions. I hang around the lab a lot after class. I'm waiting for his lab assistant to quit so that I can take his place. Igor is a brooding giant that hulks around the lab. I think he is jealous of the time I spend with Mr. Krieger."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad to see that you've made another friendship."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don't worry, Doc, I'm not going to get involved with this one!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I've been hesitant to mention Carla, but I do want to know what your thoughts are. You were having trouble for awhile..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The campus is so big that I haven't run into her so far, thank God. I don't think about her much, except in the shower. I need a new fantasy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you think you would react if you did see her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It would depend on her reaction. I wouldn't go out of my way to flag her down, but I'd say hi if she did. It's over."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, do you have any friends other than teachers?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I see Mattie in the hall after my poetry class, and she asks if I'm still writing and if I've joined a group. There are no writing groups that I know of. Besides, I haven't been writing. I haven't even been swimming in three weeks. And it's hard to do downward dog when your nose is running."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Downward dog?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In Sanskrit, it's \"Adho Mukha Svanasana\"--yoga. I'll show you. In fact, why don't you try it? Get on your hands and knees, hands shoulder width apart. Now, keeping your knees slightly bent, raise your hips until your body makes an upside down V. Doctor Balis? Just watch me do it, then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm certain you're not supposed to drink coffee immediately prior to inverting yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I should have mentioned that. Anyway, the idea is to take the arch out of your back and fold at the hip crease. Lengthen your spine as you bring your heels to the floor. Relax your head so that it stays in line with your spine. And breathe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. I don't think I could have done all that well..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My workshop leader says, \"The difference between your pose and mine is that I've done it ten thousand more times than you.\" I couldn't do this at first, either. Whew! Love it! Anyway, I was looking at the Sausalito Parks and Rec guide, and they have tons of yoga classes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's good. I see this move as having many possibilities for building new friendships and experiences for you, Rachel. However, you won't have your grandmother to transport you around. Is that going to be a problem?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I'll just have to ride a bus across the bridge to City College. It will take up more of my time, but I have too much time on my hands anyway. I'll just be one more weirdo riding the bus."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Do you think you'll have any contamination issues in riding public transit?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm pretty good at keeping my hands to myself and washing. It's funny how I used to be more of a washer, taking it to extremes. It seems like picking at my hair and nails replaced the washing urges. And I think the medication is helping reduce the urge to pick."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How many pull free days is it now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't been pulling at all. Want to see?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, if you want to show me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. I like showing off. It's still just a stubble, but my hair has always grown fast. Check it out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it's barely noticeable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, at least it's not a bald patch now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It looks good. I'm proud of you, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you. The school has tele-courses, too. You can take classes from your living room, or laundry room."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. When is your grandmother leaving for Germany?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "December. In fact, she's probably getting antsy waiting for me today. Do you mind if this session is a little short? I should really get back to helping her pack. I'll move in December, too, I guess. I can hardly wait. I can take a break from school and get adjusted, I hope."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It will be easier now that you are feeling better. Oh, by the way, I did communicate with your physician, Doctor Malcolm. We concurred that the increase of fluoxetine to 40 milligrams was appropriate. Are you continuing topical therapy for the psoriasis?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If you mean putting white stuff on my hands, yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You seem to be really uptight, Doctor. You should try to loosen up a bit, do yoga, tease your patients a bit. Then I'll know my therapy is working with you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good advice. Well, we'll talk in two weeks?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll have a lot to share. Thanks, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have a good Thanksgiving, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You too, Doctor. Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 6th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Tuesday, December 9, 1997 at 3:00 pm.\nHello, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad to see you again, Rachel. I was very concerned about the way our last session ended and about your cancellation last week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, sorry about that. I was sick last week, and our session before that was...well, I panicked."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know our conversation about school upset you, but I think we should pursue it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think I'm ready to talk about it now. God, it's all I've been thinking about for three weeks. Plus, I'm going to have to cancel our next session, so I'd better get it all off my chest today."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you going somewhere?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm taking the bus to visit my brother, Michael, for a few days. Gram will drive up to visit too, just a little later that week. Michael's going to take me to a concert."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds like you're looking forward to it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't seen his new place. Plus, his roommate sounds really cool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When is the last time you visited him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At the beginning of the summer. It's always a little weird being away from home, but I guess I'll survive. He's going to be working a lot, so I'll be on my own at his place. But it's by the water, and he says it's close to a lot of shops and coffee places. He has this great cat, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just got a cat myself, but I can't say she's great yet. Taking care of a kitten is a little more than I bargained for."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is she at home while you're here?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Obviously I can't bring her to the office."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, I know I started it, but we should probably talk about you rather than my kitten. You said you were ready?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but talking about cats is more fun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want to know what made you flee from my office, no pun intended."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Very funny. Seriously, I have a few bad memories of school...well, not really high school--although even then, I knew I was different and didn't make that many friends. At the J.C. I kind of came out of my shell. I took a drama class, English IA, anthropology...fifteen units all together. I really got into school, and I have to admit I was pretty good at it. My mom was having a tough time, though. She seemed really happy in a relieved sort of way when my dad left. But by the time I graduated, she started getting really weird. She had more time to herself since Michael and I were busier and not at home as much."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean she started getting weird?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She didn't want us to go anywhere, but she didn't want to drive us either. She wouldn't let us get driver's permits. I didn't really care, but Michael freaked. He would yell at her, then storm out of the house--kind of like Dad used to do. Michael was having a hard time, too. That's when I remember Mom doing the checking. Before we went anywhere, she'd have to check the stove to make sure it was off, the dog to make sure his leash wasn't tangled, the phone to make sure it wasn't off the hook, the lights, the door. God, she drove us crazy! Oops, I guess I shouldn't say that, huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's just a figure of speech. So her OCD symptoms increased once you and your brother spent less and less time at home?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, now that I think about it. We were her projects. I felt like I had to come home just so she could serve me the dinner she took two days to plan and prepare. It was like her ego was on the table at every meal. She was definitely the Good Housekeeping mother. And I wanted to be a Good Girl. We were quite a pair, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Do you recall any of your own rituals at that time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I had to have order. Everything on my dresser had to be in a certain place. I had to have my desk set up just so, or I couldn't get started on my homework. I called it my work dance--it was the dance I had to do before I could accomplish anything. I remember sometimes, I didn't get my homework done because I couldn't get things set up the right way. One night, I stayed up all night to get a paper done."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, why do you resist the idea of going back to school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Remember when you were asking me questions before you prescribed the medication? You asked if I could be pregnant? Well, I have only...you know, once. It was someone I met at school. He was in one of my classes, and we just started talking one day. He was kind of a loner, a little off, sort of disheveled. Our conversations got longer and more interesting. And then one day, we met in the library to work on a project."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Go on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This guy was like a fallen angel--that's how I thought of him. He seemed misplaced, like he was too sensitive for this world. He was a writer. Anyway, we didn't really get much work done on the project, we just talked about stuff. A week after that session in the library, the project was done and the quarter ended. I was spending a lot of time thinking about him. I had built up a trust in him, and I guess that made it easier to plan for the big event."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The big event?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Losing my virginity."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh. You planned it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I wanted things to be just right. Well, they weren't just right. It was awful. I sort of changed my mind in the middle of it all, but I guess I wasn't convincing--he turned into some kind of animal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did he rape you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know, maybe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is this the first time you've spoken about it to anyone?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you feeling right now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Kind of sick to my stomach. Angry again. Stupid for letting him do that to me. Now I know how my mother must have felt."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was your mother raped?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Apparently so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My dad went after her a lot, I guess. He's the reason she used to cry so much."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He made her cry! What do you think was happening? She never wanted to be with another man again after he left. She was beautiful. He ruined her!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have a lot of anger towards your father. How old were you when he left?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Almost twelve."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And do you remember your parents' disputes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, my grandma refreshed my memory. Remember I told you about that day when she and I talked a couple months ago? She told me a lot of stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you remember about your father?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He kind of ignored us. He was always showing my mom off. He would give her money to buy dresses and then treated her like she was his date and us like we were in the way. He would slam doors and drive away mad. I remember that because one time, he caught her dress in the car door and tried to drive off. It ripped as he tore out of the driveway. She cried that time; all three of us did."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Let's get back to this young man at school for now, if you don't mind."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was a mistake. In a way, I just wanted to get it over with. He seemed nice enough. Maybe all men are like that. My grandmother would certainly have me believe that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you were angry at him for letting him do that to you. You said it might have been rape. When a man takes you without your permission, it is rape. But you also said that you changed your mind in the middle. How did you let him know you changed your mind?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I yelled at him and pushed him away. I struggled and slapped him, but I got worn out and scared. He wasn't a big person--I should have been able to fight him off."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Many rape victims describe feeling paralyzed and helpless to defend themselves from their assailant..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel so stupid. It was my idea to get together with him. Then things went bad, very bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How long ago was this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It happened just before my mother died, so it was about two years ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think that you are avoiding school because of this incident?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't want to be any place where I can run into him again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand. What do you think the chances are of that happening?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. Slim?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Probably. He might not even be enrolled in school anymore--that was two years ago."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He might not even live in the state any more. Maybe even if I did see him he wouldn't recognize me. I know all this, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad. Rachel, your OCD has kept you from activities that other twenty-one year olds are enjoying. Rape and associated psychological trauma has made it even more difficult. But you really are making great progress in our therapy sessions. And I would like to encourage you to try some new things. Staying with your brother is good. You will be away from the security and normalcy of your home for a few days. I'm very eager to hear how things go for you. I'm also anxious to find out how the medication is working."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So far, so good. It still takes me a while to get to sleep, but I feel like I'm more rested when I wake up. On the other hand, I feel like I'm wired most of the time. And I'm losing weight."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I noticed the weight loss. Increased agitation is a side effect that some people on this medication report. I'm glad that it doesn't interfere with your sleep. And sometimes, you can redirect the nervousness."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're already doing it--you write in your journal, you play the piano, you swim. Let's continue with 20 mg. for another few weeks. All right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. You know what else? I don't really seem to want to do the counting and the rituals as much. I'll probably always fidget with my nails, but I just brush my hair in the morning now or after I wash it, and that's all. And I've been taking a lot of baths instead of showers, so there's no rituals, at least with washing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why does that make you giggle?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know if I should tell you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's up to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I have had a hard time...um, climaxing. You said the drug could have that effect. So I found a way that I can use the bath water as it's coming out of the fixture to...you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Feeling sexual is a sign of good health."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Then I must be pretty healthy! And, Doctor? I think telling you about the..about the rape...well, I think it made me feel better. It's like some weight has been lifted. Do you know what I mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do. I'm glad it helped."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I'm still pissed. And I'm still angry with my dad. Michael and I talk about this every once in a while. And I don't know how to get relief over that one."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's getting rather late. Let's plan on taking that subject up after you get back from your vacation. When are you coming back?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We won't be back until Christmas Eve."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. If we keep your sessions on Tuesdays, we won't meet again until January 6th. How does that sound?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That sounds okay with me, actually."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This was a good session, Rachel. You really opened up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel better after getting things off my chest and off my brain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It shows."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Happy Holidays. Good luck with your new kitten."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. I won't be in the office for a week between Christmas and New Year's, but feel free to call if you need to--my answering service knows how to track me down."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "See you next year!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good night, Rachel."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Call between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Schultz regarding Rachel Tanner, Wednesday, September 10, 1997 at 10:00 am.\nMs. Schultz?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is Dr. Balis, returning your call."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, yes. I wanted to speak with you about my granddaughter, Rachel. I think she may need your help."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I am taking new patients. What age is Rachel? Are you her guardian?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She's twenty one. I have cared for her since her mother died three years ago. Doctor, it has been a long time since I've had to raise a child. I don't know what to expect from a young adult these days. I'm afraid I succeeded in driving her older brother right out of the house. I don't want that to happen to Rachel. She seems more fragile, more needy somehow."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Can you describe the behavior that caused you to seek a therapist?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Where to start. Rachel seems to be stuck in her teens as far as her interest in her appearance. She has nervous habits that take up a lot of her time. She over grooms, shall I say?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please explain, Ms. Schultz."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Her hair is falling out in handfuls. I see clumps of it in the wastebasket every day. She brushes and brushes. Her hair used to be so silky and thick. Dr. Holcomb, our family doctor, says it doesn't seem to be a nutrition issue. And she has a good appetite--that's the German in her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is there anything else she does to an unnatural degree? By that, I mean going beyond the amount of time it would take most people to perform the same function."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes. She's a manicurist so she's always fussing with her nails. She seems overly concerned about getting them shaped and painted perfectly. Her nails look better now that she has stopped biting them. One habit replaced another, I'm afraid. She used to take tremendously long showers but I put an end to that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The water bill was almost double one month. That's when I began to notice the time Rachel spent in the bathroom. The water would run for thirty or forty minutes sometimes. What did the girl do in there for that long? It worried me. I replaced the door handle so she can't lock herself in there. What if something happened to her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are wise to be concerned. Is there anything else that seems unusual or obsessive to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The other day I came into her room and she had her head drooped over her desk and was scratching her hair madly. Then she traced her finger in the dandruff left behind. I surprised her but she didn't seem alarmed. Then I noticed she had been working over the Bible. She seems preoccupied with her hair. Does that seem odd to you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Schultz, I don't mean to be evasive. Human behavior is so variable from person to person, situation to situation. It sometimes takes several sessions to determine the extent to which behavior interferes with a patient's life. Tell me, Ms. Schultz, is Rachel able to work, drive, go to school, socialize in spite of these things you observe at home?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So it seems. Why do you ask?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I'd like to see Rachel. Does she know that you contacted me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I wasn't sure if my concerns were legitimate. It seems that they are."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll be able to tell better after I've had an opportunity to talk with Rachel. Do you think Rachel will resist coming to see me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We have discussed her habits. We've had to since we live together. It wasn't easy to take in two children when I'd been living alone for fifteen years. Rachel does have a stubborn streak. I'm afraid she got that from her mother. Doctor, Rachel is a very determined and bright girl. When she puts her mind to something, she doesn't usually let up. The only exception I can recall is when she dropped out of school when her mother died. She has made us very proud with her good grades and always wanting to do the right thing. Not at all like her brother, I might add. If you are as careful and patient with her as you have been with me, I don't think there will be a problem in treating her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let's set up her first session for the week beginning September 22nd. Is one day better than another as far as her schedule goes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm her transportation, but both our schedules are open in the afternoons, the earlier the better. I'll probably drop her off, then go to the market during the time you meet with each other. How long are the sessions?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We will meet for an hour each time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Doctor. I'll discuss this with Rachel, of course."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Then let's make an appointment on Tuesday, September 23rd at 1 pm. If you can come a little early, you can complete some paperwork that I'll need. We will use it for billing purposes as well. You are aware of my fees?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It's not a problem. I just want Rachel to get the help she needs."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm looking forward to meeting her. I must explain that if I begin treating Rachel, that she will be the patient. I'll seek information from you and I'll listen to what you have to tell me, but I won't be able to talk to you about Rachel's condition or progress unless she gives me permission to do so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, I understand, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But especially in the beginning, I would value having a chance to discuss Rachel in more detail after I've had a chance to meet here. We can arrange for an appointment or we can just do a phone conference. Which would be your preference?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It might be nice to see your office, Doctor. Do I have to make a decision today?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not at all. I'll look forward to meeting you both on Tuesday, September 23rd at 1 pm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds good. Thanks again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're very welcome. Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Rachel Tanner, Friday, November 6, 1998 at 12:00 pm.\nHello, this is Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi. This is Rachel, Rachel Tanner?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Rachel. Are you feeling better?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In some ways, yes. I am not coughing, and my psoriasis is clearing up. But now I have a cold, so I need to cancel my appointment. I don't want to get you sick."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, I was sick last week..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, I'm sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm better now. So would you like to talk on the phone? I would like to catch up a bit, and I'm free for another hour or so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but I don't think I need that much time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, let's start."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I have a major decision to make. Gram is moving back to Germany."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My choices are to go with her, try to convince my brother to let me move in with him, or venture into the wild unknown on my own."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The unknown would include what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Answering an ad for roommates wanted, caretaking an old lady somewhere, renting a studio, living in a cardboard box..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Which is your preference?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Moving in with my brother, of course. He knows what Gram's plans are. I'm just waiting for him to invite me. He hasn't yet. It would be quite an upheaval in his life, to say the least."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I assume your grandmother is still willing to support you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, she is going to set up an account for my living expenses, but she wants me to find a job to take care of the rest. She thinks it would be good for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's probably time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is the medication? Any noticeable changes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've been restless at night. I wake up at two or three in the morning and lay awake blinking and thinking. I seem to have more energy, but then I am feeling a little better, too. God, I'm tired of being sick!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What is your grandmother's time line? How long do you have to make your decision?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She wants to go for Christmas. She suggested that I go with her for the holidays and visit the family I've never met and can't communicate with."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you want to do that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think I'll go, but I don't want to live there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand that. So, you're waiting for your brother to invite you to live with him. Why don't you ask?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I want to give him time to think about it. I'm sure he's considering it. I certainly don't look forward to living in a laundry room, though--that's where I stayed when I visited them last."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rachel, if you are having a hard time deciding, here's a suggestion that I think I've discussed with you before. Make a list of all the positives and negatives that go with each option. Weight the pros and cons. And think about your own needs, not just your grandmother's and brother's."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I'll try. Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Rachel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've had eight pull-free days."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't been pulling my hair out for eight full days."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's great. I'm pleased to hear that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm taking it one day at a time. But once I got going on not pulling, it was easier to keep it up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you think lead to your success?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm thinking about Gram leaving and having to get my act together. I've also been feeling pretty puny about myself. All I need is a little success to get me going. Maybe the medication helped me refocus, I don't know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's possible."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I guess I should go now. Thanks for talking to me. I really hope I can make my next appointment--which would mean that I'm not sick anymore! When would that be?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you want to keep your sessions on Fridays, then next one would be on November twentieth. Does that work for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I'll see you then. Thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're welcome. Goodbye, Rachel. Keep up the good work."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Anna Schultz respecting Rachel Tanner, Wednesday, November 26, 1997 at 3:40 pm.\nDoctor Balis speaking."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor Balis, this is Anna Schultz, Rachel Tanner's grandmother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Ms. Schultz. Is Rachel all right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, no emergency, thank goodness."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, good. What is it you wish to discuss?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Rachel, of course. You and I haven't spoken since September, and I wanted to get an update on her progress. Do you have a few minutes?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Schultz, please understand that my sessions with Rachel are confidential, and I'm not at liberty to discuss anything that Rachel has shared with me during our sessions. I will do my best to address your concerns about her, though. I assume she has shared some things with you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. We had quite a talk a few weeks ago. She had questions about her mother. She has a right to know what Margaret was like. But I'm afraid I might have told her more than she needed to know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I spoke of Margaret in a very loving way as I always do, because she was very lovable. I felt like Rachel wanted some more details about the obsessions, so I told her of a few events that I remembered when Rachel's mother was her age. I continued with the biography and before I knew it, I was sharing information about Margaret and Wolfgang, Rachel's father, that was quite personal. You have to understand that this was the first time Rachel and I had spoken this deeply of the past, and we had a lot of catching up to do. In short, I took the opportunity to tell Rachel why her father left."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was difficult for me to raise Margaret, an only child, without the benefit of a husband. Mine passed away when Margaret was fifteen. She and I have always been close, helping each other stay financially secure. When Wolfgang came along, Margaret included me in their life. I'm forever grateful, but I'm not sure it was good for their marriage. Margaret was a very beautiful woman, and Wolfgang was very...shall we say, demanding. She tried to resist him--at least that is what it sounded like--and there were many times I heard her sobbing. He became angrier and angrier, until he eventually left her and the children. Everyone was better off without him, but the damage had already been done."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you saying that Rachel's parents had a dysfunctional sexual relationship?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Correct."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did this discovery effect Rachel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not certain how Rachel feels knowing all this. Doctor, this is very awkward for me, but I need to share something with you about Rachel. It's the reason I called."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Go on, Ms. Schultz."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm sure you are aware of Rachel's need to brush her hair, do her nails, wash."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just after she started therapy with you, she plucked her eyebrows almost down to nothing. Well, she didn't stop there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The other day, she was getting out of the shower, and I caught a glimpse of her pubic hair. It was plucked or shaved as well. Normally, she has quite a generous amount of hair down there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you suggesting that she may have plucked her pubic hair as a result of that particular conversation?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It is possible, yes. It seems odd to me, but what do I know of odd? Young people are tattooing and piercing and shaving their heads these days. You haven't met my grandson Michael, yet. He's very experimental. But my dear Rachel has never done anything this extreme in her life. I'm a little worried. Should I be?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I will answer your question in a moment. Has her behavior changed since that discussion a few weeks ago?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but for the better I believe. She seems to be losing weight, and she isn't as tired looking. She hasn't been as preoccupied with her hair, which looks healthier to me. The eyebrows were the only thing I noticed out of the ordinary and, of course, the other...since she lost her job, she has been swimming more, and she has been writing in her journal a lot. The only changes I've seen have been positive ones."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think, then, you've answered your own question--based on your observations, I would say that Rachel is all right for now. Ms. Schultz, I appreciate your concern. I would like to maintain the confidential relationship you and I have with each other. I will not share with Rachel our conversation, and I ask this of you as well. I have another patient waiting for me, so I have to go now. But please feel free to call again when you feel the need, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Doctor Balis. Goodbye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Ms. Schultz."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 6th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jesse Trent, Monday, August 3, 1998 at 11:00 am.\nHello, Doctor Balis! It's great to see you again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Jesse. Good to see you as well. Please have a seat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doc. Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it has been, Jesse. Let's start with how you've been doing since our last session, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds good--a little catch-up. Well, let's see. It was November, just before Thanksgiving, that I was here last. If you remember, Maddie's parents were arriving for a visit, as well as her brother and Sammy, her best friend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I do remember. And I also remember you seemed anxious about the impending visit. How did it go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Anxious isn't even close to how I was feeling! Well, the visit was going okay at first. Everyone put on a happy face for the holidays. We almost seemed like a normal family. Then Maddie's snooping mother found a notation on her day planner about her next OB visit. Of course, she started probing, gently at first. Then she was really direct."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. And how did you and Maddie handle that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, we told them. We also told them we didn't know if it was mine or the rapist's. They went nuts! I told you they are very religious, and they do not believe in abortion under any circumstances. They started going on and on about how it didn't matter if the baby was mine or not. Blah, blah, fucking blah. Then, they started demanding Maddie return with them that night to St. Louis. Maddie was hysterical. She really didn't want them to find out until after we had the results, and then only if the baby was mine. And she is mine, I think I told you that already."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you told me during our phone conversation. I'm really very glad that it worked out that way. Now, please continue."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah. Well, they wanted her to go home. She almost went, too. I couldn't deal with the chaos, so I took off on my scoot. I figured if she was going to go, there was nothing I could do to stop her. Sammy, thankfully, stepped in. She talked to Maddie for a long time. Then, she talked to Maddie's parents. Then, when I got back, she talked to me. She really was a great help in all of this mess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's good that she was there and able to help."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So Maddie stayed. Her parents left the next morning. Sammy stayed for a few more days, and that really was great. She sat Maddie and me down and made us talk. We yelled, we fought, we cried, and we broke through. We realized that seeing different doctors, taking different advice, and listening to everyone except each other was where a lot of our problems were coming from."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. So, did things start to get better from there?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, they did for quite some time. We got the genetic tests results in early January. That was a major relief. We could finally focus on her pregnancy and our baby and be happy about it. Let me tell you, it's something else--finding out that you're going to be a parent, I mean. Nothing has ever made me so happy in my life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That is very good news, Jesse. Becoming a parent can bring out the best in many people. How did things go from there?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let's see, we were up to January. Hmm...well, things went really good through February and the first part of March. We were really happy. We put a lot of the mess of the last year behind us. Maddie was still pretty messed up about the rape, but she was starting to make great progress. Then, on March twenty-first, they caught the rapist. About a week before, he had raped another woman not too far from our house. That freaked Maddie out pretty bad--he killed that woman. Then, they caught him. It turned out he had been the ex-property manager at the complex where Maddie was raped. In fact, he was the man that showed us the apartment when we were first looking there. That really messed Maddie up. You always kind of think of rapists as deranged looking wild men. But this guy was as clean-cut as they come! Or so he appeared to be."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Appearances can be deceiving."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I've been doing some reading about this. Rapists come in many forms. And there are also different types of rapists that rape for different reasons. From what I could gather about this guy, I think he's in the Sadistic category. I know the rapes had gotten progressively more violent, and the last one ended in murder. This kind of rapist is the most dangerous and the most cunning. The sadistic rapist is usually of a higher intelligence and is hard to catch, usually because his victims die. Maddie is very lucky to be alive."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have been doing some reading about this. It's a good way to get some measure of control over the situation."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm, perhaps. He was a sick bastard. I didn't even tell you half the things he did to Maddie. She is very lucky to be alive, and we both do know that. We have met some of his other victims since he was caught. Some of these women will be forever disfigured--cuts on the face, burns on their bodies...just really sick shit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm very glad they finally caught him. How did you and Maddie react to his capture?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, at first, we were elated. The bastard was off the streets. But then, when she found out who it was, it really freaked her out. It just wasn't what she expected. Then the police wanted her help to make sure he was put away. It really put a lot of pressure on her. She started having anxiety attacks and was sick all the time. And she was seven months pregnant at that point. It really took its toll on her. In the first part of April, her doctor put her on total bed rest. She was having a lot of contractions, and the doctor was really afraid that all of this stress would send her into full-on premature labor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can imagine the stress was immense for her. Putting her on bed rest was probably the best thing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I agree, though she didn't stay in bed much. We took that time and did up the nursery and spent time together. It was great for us both, I think. She usually worked a lot, and this gave us an opportunity to spend a lot of time together. However, she did start to get really bored and frustrated towards the end. She was pretty uncomfortable--I guess that's normal--and just wanted the baby to be born. Then her due date came and went, and I thought she was going to go nuts!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, the final wait for the birth can be very frustrating."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad she was a healthy baby. How was the delivery for Maddie?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, she felt like she let herself down by opting for the epidural. But I think it was for the best. It was a rather scary and exhilarating experience for me. On one hand, I felt bad for Maddie being in so much pain, but there is nothing in the world like watching your child being born."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How do you feel about the baby now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Maddie went back to work the week after the Fourth of July. She felt she had been gone long enough. Since I don't have a \"real\" job, I stay home with Natalie while Maddie works. I don't know, though...Maddie seems almost jealous of the baby sometimes. Or maybe she is jealous of me spending so much time with the baby. I don't know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. How is your relationship with Maddie now? Is it strained?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know if I want to call it that. But it has been changing. I think it's just because we are parents now, and things are changing because it's not just the two of us anymore. Plus, the trial for the rapist is coming up soon, around the end of September. And there are deadlines at work and just the general stresses of life. It's an adjustment period, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are a lot of adjustments when a couple has a baby. Things do change. You get less sleep and work more. And from what you've told me, it doesn't sound like there are overwhelming problems in your relationship with Maddie with the exception of the trial. So I'm curious, Jesse, why have you decided to come back into therapy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Doc, there are just so many changes. Maddie seems to be pulling away from me again. Or maybe I'm just reading her wrong and she's just adjusting, like you've said. We had gotten so close, and now it seems to be slipping away again. And I don't quite understand what's going on. I suggested to Maddie that maybe we needed to come back just to get some perspective on life and all the changes we had lately."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And did she agree?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, she actually did. She liked the idea of us both seeing one therapist."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You do both understand the conflict this is going to cause? I can't disclose what either of you say. And the advice I'll give will not always be what is best for the relationship, rather what will be best for you as individuals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, we do understand. We are cool with that. It's not like we need marriage counseling or anything. We just need some perspective on life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good, as long as you both understand."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds good. Do you mind if we wrap this up a few minutes early? I need to go get Natalie. She is at our neighbor's house, and I don't like to leave her anywhere for too long."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right. I'll see you next week, Jesse."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let's make it two weeks. Maddie will call and make her own appointments, just like we were seeing separate doctors."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sounds fine. I'll see you in two weeks. Take care, Jesse."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. You too, Doctor Balis."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 1st Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jesse Trent, Monday, October 27, 1997 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Doctor Balis. Thanks for seeing me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Mr. Trent, you're welcome. May I ask what's so funny though?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm sorry, Doctor Balis. I guess I was expecting Doctor Katz from the TV show."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Trent. However, if I start to squiggle please let me know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, it's a deal. It's good to know you have a sense of humor. I tend to make jokes when I get nervous. Should I just sit anywhere? And please, call me Jesse or JT."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thanks. Please sit anywhere you feel comfortable, Jesse."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Certainly. Now, you said on the phone you were having a difficult time because of something that happened to your wife. Why don't you start by giving me some background on the two of you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess background is as good a place to start as any. Hmm...okay, Maddie--my wife--and I met through a group of mutual friends when she was twenty and I was twenty-two. She was smart, cute, sassy, and I fell for her fast--a once in a lifetime whirlwind romance, you know? It was really great. Too bad things had to change."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Everything changes, Jesse. We have to figure out what has changed for you and work from there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's just it Doctor Balis! I know what has changed!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. You were telling me about Maddie, why don't you continue?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay. We had been dating for about five months when Maddie became pregnant. I knew I loved Maddie and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, so I wasn't upset when we found out. Neither was she, really. Other than telling our parents about it, we were both actually comfortable with the idea. We decided to drop the bomb at Christmas--very bad mistake. None of our parents were happy. That's an understatement. They went ballistic. Her parents accused me of forcing myself on their daughter and \"disgracing\" her. My parents were convinced--and they still are--that Maddie did it intentionally to snag a man to take care of her. Which, of course, couldn't be further from the truth! Maddie was the one going to college, and I was a generation X slug."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So neither of your parents were happy. What did you two decide to do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Neither of us lived at home, so that made it easy to ignore them. Maddie and I decided to get married. Not just because she was pregnant, but because we really loved each other. Things were great for the first few months. Our parents even gave in a little. I guess they figured the situation wasn't going away."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Many parents overreact to news of an unplanned pregnancy. Most parents tend to warm up to the idea eventually. Yours started coming around?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hardly! Well, at first we were naive and just happy they seemed to be warming up. Now, I think they felt they could do more damage by being around. Sheesh! We finally realized that no matter what either of us did, it would never be good enough for the other's parents. However, for a while there, it did go okay. Then there was the accident. That was when we knew for sure we could never count on them to support our marriage."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Tell me about the accident, Jesse."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. One day when Maddie was seven months pregnant, we went to Greensfelder Park for a picnic. By the way, Maddie and I are originally from St. Louis. Things were going great for us. An ultrasound a month earlier told us the baby was healthy, and they were pretty sure it was a girl. We were on top of the world. Maddie said she wanted to drive. She always loved to drive, but what with being pregnant, she didn't always feel like it. However on this day, she did. We were driving along, laughing, planning, talking about baby names. Then a car full of kids ran a stop sign and smashed into the driver's side of the car! It was horrible!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just take a moment, Jesse, and let me know when you are ready, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Doctor Balis. This is kind of hard. I haven't talked about it in years. It was a very bad accident. Maddie almost died. I'm amazed to this day that she even lived through it. However, she lost the baby. I just broke an arm and had a concussion. Her parents blamed me. They felt that I should have been driving not Maddie. My parents blamed her. They thought Maddie had been careless. So, as far as the parents went, we were right back to square one. I don't understand why they have to be that way. I mean we lost our child! It was the fault of the kids that hit us. We had the right of way. Christ! Sometimes, it's so hard to believe that Maddie and I are related to these people!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The loss of a child is very traumatic. Your parents should have been more supportive. How did you and Maddie cope with the loss?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was awful at first. I kept having nightmares. Maddie cried all the time. But we were there for each other. She would wake me if I was having a nightmare. I would hold her and let her cry. We were both angry at the world, but never with each other. It eventually got easier. We kept busy with school and work. It's sad that it happened, but it did make our marriage stronger. Maddie and I eventually realized that we just had to go on. And that's what we did."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's good to hear that you leaned on each other to cope in this situation. Many people draw into themselves and their own pain, forgetting that they aren't the only ones involved. That can be hard on a marriage."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So I'm now finding out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, Jesse. Let's talk about how things have changed."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, might as well. That's why I'm here after all. After the accident, life went on. Maddie graduated from college. She is a computer nut. I'd taken some classes in photography and was working for a portrait studio. Maddie went to work as a graphic designer for a company in St. Louis. It was great as long as we avoided each others' parents. We had been married for three years and were still very much in love, to our parents' dismay. Maddie got bored with her job, though. She's great at what she does, but the company she was working for was small and the pay wasn't great. So we talked about it and decided she should look elsewhere. She sent her r��sum�� to probably fifty different places. We kind of thought that because she'd only been working in the field a year, she wouldn't get many responses. We were wrong. So we went through the offers, and SII made the best one. So we packed our things and moved here just over a year ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "San Francisco is an interesting city. Were you happy with the move?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first. No parents or siblings around, making new friends, exploring the city--it was really great. Plus, Maddie really loved her job at SII. She found it very challenging and rewarding. SII is great about not chaining their employees to a desk. If she came in and finished her work early, she was free to go. I spent the first few months just wandering around. I'd had enough of taking fake looking photographs at weddings. I found a used bookstore one day. I went there every day for a week. Then the owner asked me if I was possibly looking for a job. I told him sure, and he hired me that day! It's a wonderful place to work--I read all day long. The pay isn't great, but Maddie makes more than enough to keep us comfortable."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds as if you both adjusted very well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It was good for us until about six weeks ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay...sorry. I just haven't really talked about what happened much. Okay, about six weeks ago, I flew back home to St. Louis. It was my parents' thirtieth wedding anniversary. I may not always agree with them, but they are my parents. For a marriage to survive thirty years is something close to a miracle. Maddie had a deadline at work that Monday--she had been sick with the flu and was behind on her work. She wasn't planning on going to the party anyway, but wanted to go just to see her friends. But at the last minute, she decided to stay home and get her work done for Monday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did your visit home go well?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The visit itself was fine. Good party. My parents seemed happy. Then I got a phone call from the SFPD Sunday morning around 4 am St. Louis time.They informed me that my wife had been attacked and raped, and she was being taken to the hospital. They asked that I return as soon as I could. I got the next flight out and, because of the time difference, was back by 7 am. I went straight to the hospital. Maddie was sedated. There was a detective there keeping an eye on her and waiting for me, I guess. He informed me that Maddie was stable and was expected to recover. I asked him what happened, and he said that Maddie was taking a shower around ten-thirty, which is usual. Someone then broke into the apartment. He waited for her to get out of the shower and attacked her when she went into our room. He beat her up pretty badly and raped her three times before the bastard finally left her alone. He put a pillow over her face to muffle her screams. Maddie passed out during the third attack. The police suspect that he thought he had killed her and took off. Maddie woke up and listened for him. When she was sure he was gone, she called the police."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have the police caught the man that did this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not yet. They have a few suspects though. I wish they'd catch him if only to allow Maddie to get her life back. She has become so angry and bitter, and I fully understand--I feel the same way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's natural to be angry. How is Maddie doing now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Physically, she has recovered. Mentally, she's a wreck. She's in therapy now, so I hope that helps her some. She's become very distant from me, though. Never in our marriage have I seen her like this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, rape causes a complex set of emotional reactions. Maddie is going through quite a bit. Many women feel dirty or disgusting after a rape. My best advice is probably that you make it clear to her that you don't think it was her fault and that it hasn't changed the way you feel about her. Let her know that you are there for her and are willing to talk and to listen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Trust me, Doc, she knows she isn't to blame. I'm not so sure she feels the same about me, though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, your emotions and reactions are going to be complex as well. I'd like you to try to keep a journal about your thoughts and feelings on the rape. You can share it with me if you like, or keep it private. Would you do that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, I love to write. Maybe it will help me focus. Doctor Balis, I feel exhausted. This therapy thing is hard work. Are we getting close to a good place to end?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Jesse, our time is almost up. Do you want to end now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, please."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Is this a good time of day for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. I set my own schedule at work, so any time works for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Same time next week then. Let's see, that's Monday, November 3rd at 2 pm. And work on the journal--you may find it helps you a lot."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks so much, Doctor. I'll see you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Jesse. See you next week."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 2nd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jesse Trent, Monday, November 3, 1997 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Jesse. You're a few minutes late."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I'm sorry about that. My scooter decided to foul a plug."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Scooter? Like a little Honda?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "None of that plastic stuff for me, Doc! I ride a vintage Italian Vespa Scooter. A 1966 Super Sport 180, to be exact. Beautiful pieces of steel. A monster to maintain, however!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I bet the hills around here aren't very kind to it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doesn't do too badly. Missouri is full of hills, and I used to ride it all of the time. I even belonged to a scooter club back home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Interesting. I didn't realize they were that popular. How long have you been riding?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I got my first Vespa just after our second wedding anniversary. It was a belated gift from Maddie. So, it's been almost four years. I can't get Maddie to ride, though--she says she's a four wheeled kind of gal. The one time I did get her to ride with me, we ran out of gas and got stranded. That kind of ruined it for her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can see how that might have bothered her. So how has Maddie been doing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hard to say. She's still really distant. I did follow your advice and let her know that I'm there for her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did that go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first, I thought it was going well. She actually let me hold her hand when we first started talking. The more I talked though, the tenser she became. By the time I was done talking, she'd moved across the room. It's just so damn frustrating!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's going to take time for her to deal with her anger, Jesse. Even though it didn't go well, you still did the right thing in the long run. Did Maddie have anything to say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Basically she thinks I should have stayed home with her that weekend. She didn't want me to go. Maddie begged me all day Thursday to cancel the trip and stay with her. She gets pretty bent whenever I see my parents, like they are really going to say anything to change my mind about Maddie. Christ, we've been married for five years, you'd think that would give her a little bit of confidence!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor Balis, I don't want to sound like an insensitive asshole, but Maddie is a big girl! I never thought anything like this would happen to her. Trust me, if I could go back and make the choice again, of course I would stay home. But I know I can't beat myself up for something I can't change."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's true that you can't change the past, Jesse. Maddie needs to blame someone right now. Since they haven't caught the rapist yet, perhaps she sees you as the next logical choice. Did she say anything else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just some mean stuff about how I should be a \"real man.\" She said that she earns all of our money while I sit in a used bookstore all day. That I should have done something with myself--\"stop being a kid and grow up.\" She told me how foolish I look riding my \"girlie little scooter.\" She just started spouting crap like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how did you react to her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How did I react? I just sat there and took it like a good little husband. Everyone keeps telling me to just let her vent--be understanding, listen to her, give her time, let her work through her anger, blah blah blah fucking blah. Oh sorry, Doctor Balis, I should watch my language."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's quite all right, Jesse. You don't have to worry about offending me. My office is a safety zone. You don't have to watch your language or repress anything you're feeling. Okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. It's just that...Christ, doesn't anyone care about what I'm going through? Yeah, it happened to Maddie. But don't people understand that it rips my soul out every damn time I think about it? That bastard broke into my home and destroyed the only thing in this world I've ever loved! Doctor, I'm trying so hard to be there for my wife, to help her, and to love her. How can I do that when she acts like I'm the one that raped her? I didn't do anything. I didn't ask for this anymore than she did!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Here's a Kleenex, Jesse. You have every right to be angry. There's always an outpouring of sympathy for the victim. People often forget about the anger, guilt, and frustration a husband or boyfriend feels in these situations. When you feel ready to continue, I'm curious as to how your families are dealing with the rape."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks for the tissue, Doc. Okay, the families...well, that's another nightmare."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's like the accident all over again, that's how! I'm not even talking to my parents anymore--fake bunch of assholes. They acted sympathetic at first, calling me and asking me how she was doing. Then my sister, Sarah--who doesn't get along with them either--told me last week that the general consensus was that Maddie was a big tramp and must have asked for this. The rapist broke into our apartment--and she must have asked for it! Maddie is a jeans and an oversized t-shirt kind of girl. They act as if she dresses like a whore. I confronted my parents about what Sarah said and they denied it. But why would Sarah lie? Sarah and Maddie are great friends. My parents said it must have been \"that man\"--Sarah's husband Darrell--that said it. He's black and they're a judgmental bunch of bigots! So, I stopped talking to them and put them on call block."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about Maddie's parents?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They just feed into her resentment of me. They were against us moving to San Francisco anyway. They consider it to be a \"morally corrupt and deviant city.\" They're pretty judgmental and bigoted, too. They blame me for leaving her alone in a city of freaks. Like they don't have rapists in St. Louis. They're trying to talk her into moving back home without me. The only thing that gives me hope is that she flat out told them no."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you feel they are trying to manipulate Maddie?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Always. Like I said, same thing as the accident--they want to lay blame when blame isn't the issue."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I agree that blame is not the issue. How does Maddie deal with her parents' manipulations?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, to be honest, Maddie can manipulate with the best of them. She learned it from them, I guess. For the most part, she takes her calls out of the room. But sometime I hear her talking to them or to her best friend Sammy about them. Maddie still resents the way they've treated our marriage. So even though I think she basically agrees with them and puts the blame on me and the city, she disagrees with them out of spite."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe it isn't spite, Jesse. Maybe in her heart, she knows you're not to blame for the rape. Have you ever thought of it like that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Sammy says the same thing. She calls me to see how I'm doing. She's the only one giving me a second thought in this mess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What's Sammy's opinion on all of this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, she's Maddie's friend first and foremost. They've known each other since they were twelve. We've always gotten along great. She tries to help Maddie. Sammy has always been there for Maddie and for me, too. She's worried about Maddie, but doesn't want to say too much to push her right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's good that you both have a caring friend. Do you have any friends you can talk to?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I have a lot of casual acquaintances. Most of our old St. Louis friends just wanted to party and live it up, so we kind of lost track of a lot of them after the move. We didn't really mind, we had each other. Now, we're starting over in a new city. I've met some people from the local scooter scene, but they aren't people I can talk to about this. The friends I do have from back home just wouldn't understand. I guess that's why I decided to come here. I needed to get some of this off of my chest. My boss, Jack, suggested I see a shrink. Oh sorry, I mean a therapist."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's okay, Jesse. I've been called worse. Have you told Maddie about our sessions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not yet. I'm afraid she'll see it as me being selfish, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You think she will view you getting help as selfish?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. I guess she'll feel like that because I should be focusing on her now and not worrying about myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have every right to seek help, Jesse. Did you say that Maddie was in therapy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. She's in therapy too. And I know I have the right, but I'm not so sure that's how she'd take it. She also started going to the Rape Crisis Center support group meetings. She's gone five times in the last week or so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does it seem to be helping her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hard to tell. I see her less and less these days. She goes to work, comes home, and eats. If I'm lucky, she says hi to me, and then she's out the door to therapy or the crisis center. I heard her talking to Sammy about taking a women's self-defense class, too. When she gets home, she goes straight to bed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, am I correct to assume that you and Maddie haven't had sexual relations since the rape?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You would assume correctly, my dear Watson! I know it's normal after a rape, and I would never rush her before she's ready. And it's not one of those \"I'm a man and have needs, too\" type things either. I can live without sex. What bothers me the most is that after we lost the baby, I would hold her for hours, just stroking her hair, comforting her. It felt good to know she found safety in my arms. Now, I can't even do that for her, because if I even get close to her, she gets tense and shuts down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It takes time to come to terms with a rape. Rape is a violation of power. Give her some time, and if she does come to you, make sure you put your own feelings aside for that moment. There will come a time when she feels safe with you again. Are the police any closer to a suspect yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I love her, Doctor Balis, and will give her whatever she needs, no matter what. As for a suspect, I haven't heard anything. That pretty much tells me they are still stumped."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do hope they catch him. Not only will a vicious criminal be off the streets, of course, but it will do a lot towards allowing your wife to heal. Did you take my advice about the journal?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I usually write after Maddie takes off out the door. I'm not used to her being gone so much, so I guess it helps ease my loneliness. I haven't decided if I want you to read it or not--there's stuff in there about you, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The journal is to help you sort through things in between sessions. I would be glad to read it if you want me to, although I certainly understand if you don't."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll think about it. Is it time, Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, our time's up. Same time next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds peachy. Maybe I'll have my scoot running better by then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good luck with the bike, Jesse. See you next week."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 3rd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jesse Trent, Monday, November 10, 1997 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Jesse. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi, Doctor Balis. Same old, same old."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have a seat. I take it things are not improving at home, Jesse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I see why we pay you the big bucks, Doc! Just a joke. I don't get to do much joking lately, and since I get to bend your ear for an hour a week, I figure I can torture you with my humor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, Jesse, that's all the time we have for today."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor! Shame on you!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are things, Jesse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I guess I can't sit here and joke the whole hour, hmm? Maddie is still shutting me out. It's getting more difficult to deal with. The more time she spends with her support group, the more she seems to hate me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How much time is she spending with her rape support group?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A couple of hours almost every other day. If she isn't at therapy or working late, she's with people from her support group. I just...I don't know. I'm glad Maddie is seeking help dealing with what's she is going through, but I...damn...I just can't understand why she won't lean on me for some support!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rape is a very difficult trauma to get over, Jesse. Some find talking to others that have lived through it helpful. However, I do agree that she should also view you as a source of support. Why do you feel that the group is contributing to her negative attitude towards you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, one day I went up to the Center to see if I could find Maddie. I wanted to try to talk to her and see what the Center was all about, you know? I thought I might even sit in on a session if they would let me. I don't know what made me think that!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened when you went to the Center?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor Balis, the looks I got made me feel like I was a rapist! If looks could kill, I'm sure I would have been six feet under right now. And please, don't think I'm belittling the Center. I know they do great work and help plenty of women who need it. And I don't really think it's the counselors there either. The one I did talk to was very nice and helpful. The looks I got were from the women who were there for the group session. Maddie saw me and about had a cow right there on the spot! She was furious, accused me of following her. What crap! I tried to tell her that I just wanted to see her, but one of her support buddies came and dragged her off to the bathroom. Another one came up and told me I should just stay out of things that don't concern me! Can you believe that shit? Maddie is my concern!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Maddie is your concern. But many of these women are in terrible pain and find trusting anyone difficult. Plus, if Maddie has been venting her feelings about you in the group, that could have led to a bias against you. Did Maddie have anything to say to you about this incident later ?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She was pissed. She got home pretty late that night, but I waited up for her. She ignored me at first, slamming things around in the kitchen, being pissed off. I went in to try to talk to her, but all we did was argue. She said I had no business going to the Center to check up on her. I said that I was worried about her and that I was trying to help. She said she didn't need or want my help. That hurt me so badly. I just don't understand how we even got this bad, Doc. I finally just said that whatever she wanted was fine with me--trying to be the ever sensitive and understanding husband. Then I went to bed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you feel it's not the Center or the counselors but the other women in the group that are encouraging Maddie to shut you out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that's it exactly. I think that some of the women may have formed their own little group. After Maddie accused me of following her, I decided that maybe I should follow her. So the next night, I borrowed a friend's car and waited for her to go out. She ended up at some house. I sat outside for a little while, and then another car with three more women showed up, including the one that told me that Maddie was none of my concern."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you feel they were having a private meeting of their own?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I'm pretty sure they weren't there for a quilting bee, Doc!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I went back home and called the counselor I talked to the night before at the Center. I asked her if it was typical for the women in the groups to have outside meetings. She kind of dodged around that question, but eventually told me that it does sometimes happen, but the Center doesn't encourage it because there's no mediator present."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would have to agree with that. It's good that the women have found a source of support in each other, but there's a lot of anger and feelings of powerlessness after a rape. Without mediation, there's a temptation for the women to feed off of each other's anger. Mediation is needed to help everyone keep their feelings in perspective. The energy from the anger can feel very powerful, but often ends up being more destructive in the end. Did you confront Maddie about the meeting?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I'm not totally stupid, Doctor. That would surely have been a suicide for my marriage. I just kept quiet. I wanted to get some perspective on the situation. I miss her so much, I can't even begin to tell you what it's like to watch her going through this. I love her with everything that I am, and I am not just saying that. I mean it. She is my whole life. I wish they would hurry up and catch this bastard."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have the police made any progress?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sort of. There was another rape in our apartment building. It happened last Monday night. Maddie freaked really bad when she heard about it. The police are beginning to think it's someone that lives in the building. It's a secured building, so no one can get in without a key. They are currently checking out everyone who has lived there in the last year. Hopefully, they'll catch this asshole soon before he can destroy more lives."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope their search turns up something. I think that Maddie will benefit greatly knowing that the man that raped her is behind bars. It may also turn her anger away from you and towards her rapist."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hope you're right. I'm growing very tired of being the bad guy here. I'm worried about her though, Doc. She hasn't been eating very well. She's also getting sick a lot. I'm afraid she's picked up a few ulcers over this whole mess. I think she has a doctor's appointment tomorrow--there was a cryptic notation on the desk calendar. She's usually pretty good about taking care of herself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She's under a lot of stress right now; I'm glad she's going to get a check up. Jesse, I'm curious about how you and Maddie had been getting along in the months prior to the rape. Were there any conflicts or problems that could also be contributing to Maddie's attitude towards you now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. You know, I've been thinking about that a lot myself. We were doing fine for the most part. Adjusting to a new city can be exciting and frightening, as I'm sure you know. It was pretty cool, though. The night life here is great. Lots of great bands come here that never stopped in St. Louis. And Maddie loves the ocean, so that is great, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like you were having fun here. However, I sense that there was something going on with you and Maddie. Am I correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right as rain again, Doc. You should get yourself a night job on the Psychic Friends Network!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think I'll stick with my day job for now, but I'll keep it in mind. Now, tell me what was going on between you and Maddie."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it was that old biological clock thing, Doc. Maddie will be twenty-six very soon. After we lost the first baby, we decided that Maddie should finish school and get her career going before we tried again. Now here we are--she finished school and has her career. And now she wants a baby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how did you feel about a baby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was all for the idea. I love kids! I sometimes act a lot like one, so I can relate on their level--just joking. I can't wait to be a father, but that doesn't change the fact that it just isn't that simple."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were you having problems conceiving?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know if \"problem\" is exactly the right word. We both went and had our physicals about eight months ago, just to make sure everything was in good working order, you know? We both got clean bills of health. But her eggs and my spermies just didn't seem to want to play with each other, though! We tried, and tried, and tried. Every month, another disappointing period showed up right on schedule. At first, it was kind of fun. I mean, what man is going to balk at sex every night? Then, Maddie heard that a lot of sex wasn't the way to go about it. So we tried having sex just around her ovulation time. Before I knew it, sex became almost like a chore or duty, and not just to me either. I'm pretty sure Maddie was feeling the same way. I even had some performance problems there towards the end. After five months of trying, Maddie was more frustrated than ever. And she was less than understanding about my problems. We finally decided to give up actively trying to have a baby. I figure if it's going to happen, it will. It happened once already, and we sure weren't trying then!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did Maddie feel about giving up and letting nature take it course?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She wasn't thrilled, that's for sure. But there was nothing either of us could do really. Her mom is constantly bugging her for a grandchild. Like that old bat doesn't have three other grandchildren already."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maddie is still really young and has plenty of childbearing years ahead of her. Trying to conceive can be very hard on a couple. What you and Maddie were going through is not rare at all. There are plenty of couples who are perfectly capable of conceiving and have problems doing so--and five months isn't even really long enough to call a problem yet. Do you remember the last time you and Maddie had a sexual encounter?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor! I don't kiss and tell."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, if you do not want to tell me, that's perfectly fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gee, Doc, I'm just teasing you! I know exactly when it was. It's etched in my mind, because I'm now afraid it was the very last time we will every make love! It was the morning that I left, the day before the rape. Maddie was trying to entice me to stay home with her. She said we could practice making babies. The thought of that did make it hard for me to leave! If only I had stayed home and practiced, I wouldn't be here right now!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You cannot beat yourself up over your decision, Jesse."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, our time is up. Same time next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds good! I guess I'll scoot on over to the bookstore now. See you, Doc!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Jesse."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 4th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jesse Trent, Monday, November 17, 1997 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Jesse. Are you feeling all right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi. Um, no. I don't know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, have a seat. What's going on?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maddie...she's...God. She's pregnant, Doctor Balis!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maddie is pregnant? When did you find this out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yesterday. She'd been really upset since her doctor visit last week. How could I be so stupid? She didn't say anything to me at first. Yesterday afternoon, I heard her talking to Sammy. I know it was wrong to listen in, but I'm glad I did. Christ! I just...I don't know, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's okay, Jesse. This was obviously a shock for both of you. When you feel ready, please tell me what happened."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A shock? That's a hell of an understatement. I feel like I've been sucker punched. Maddie's so confused, she doesn't know what to do now. Damn! What did she do to deserve this? All we wanted was to be happy, raise a family, retire, and die."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, have you told Maddie that you know about the pregnancy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. When I heard her say she was pregnant, at first I was ecstatic. You know, we'd been trying and trying and I thought, \"Great, this will bring us together.\" But then, the thought crossed my mind, \"What if it isn't mine? What if it's that pervert rapist's?\" That was when I felt like I'd been punched. I really lost it. I went down into our basement--we rented a house after the rape--and started beating the hell out of some boxes. Maddie must have heard me, because she came downstairs and asked me what in the world I was doing. That was the most she had said to me all week. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there crying. The crying must have gotten to her, because she came over to me and asked me what was wrong again. So I just flat out asked her why she didn't tell me about the baby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Here's a tissue, Jesse. I think you should know that the actual percentage of women becoming pregnant due to a rape is very low. Studies show that less than two percent of rape victims become pregnant by their rapist. How did Maddie answer when you confronted her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doc. Well, at first, she just stood there and looked at me. I kept asking her why couldn't she tell me. I was standing there crying like a little baby myself. Finally, she just sat down on a box and started crying. She said she didn't know how to tell me. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do. She wanted to do some research and get her head together. She also told me that very few rapes end in pregnancy. But what if she's one of the rare ones? This bastard has already damn near destroyed my marriage. Now, he's going to take my wife the rest of the way to Hell!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is going to be hard on both you and Maddie, Jesse. Did Maddie tell you how far along she is?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, she's about eleven weeks. Since Maddie told me they do it from the first day of her last period, that means that the pregnancy would have occurred around the time of the rape. She isn't sure what she is going to do, Doctor Balis. What if it's my child, and she aborts it? What if she has it, and it's the rapist's? How exactly are we supposed to decide the fate of this kid and Maddie's sanity?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Those are tough choices, Jesse. However, you can determine the paternity of the baby in utero. You can do some research about it on the Internet. Do you have access to the Net?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, we're connected to the Net. Any info you can give me would be great, thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, I'll give you some web addresses which provide information on the two procedures before you leave. But I would like to go ahead and give you some information right now, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, that'll be great. I can share the information with Maddie at home, and we can talk about it. So go ahead. Lay it on me, Doc."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right. Paternity testing can be performed prior to the birth of a child. DNA testing can be done with a Chorionic Villi Sample--CVS for short--which is generally performed around eight to eleven weeks into the pregnancy. The other option is Amniocentesis, which is generally performed twelve to twenty-two weeks into the pregnancy. There are risks to the fetus, such as miscarriage or birth defects. The earlier the procedure is done, the higher is the risk. Most studies show that waiting until the sixteenth week of pregnancy usually reduces the risks greatly. Let me pull up this web address for you. You and Maddie should go over the facts more closely."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So they can do it while there's still time to abort? Wow, technology has really come along. Thanks for the info, Doc. It's a relief to know we can find out one way or the other. It makes deciding a hell of a lot easier. This should really help Maddie. Thanks so much, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, Jesse. No problem. Did you and Maddie actually sit and talk about the pregnancy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. That's about the only good thing to come of the pregnancy so far. Um, like I said, she sat down there in the basement and just started talking. We were both extremely upset. I finally let her know how I had been feeling. You know, helpless, useless, frustrated, angry, hurt. It almost got ugly when she made a comment about how it wasn't \"about\" me. I kept my cool and told her I didn't feel this way because of me, but because I couldn't do anything to help her. I told her I felt these things because she was the only thing in the world that mattered to me. That bastard had hurt her, and I couldn't do anything to protect her. Then, she kind of looked at me as if she had never seen me before, you know what I mean? Like she had finally opened her eyes and saw I was there. She came over and crawled into my lap, Doc, and I sat there with her in my arms once again, and I stroked her hair for the next two hours."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm very glad that Maddie has opened up to you again, Jesse. Often times when people get caught up in their own anguish, they lose sight of everything around them. As you've just said, she looked at you like she hadn't seen you before, and that may be more true than you realize. After something as traumatic as a rape, many have said that they felt as if they were walking around in a daze. I'd guess that Maddie might feel that way. How do you feel about this change in her attitude?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How do I feel? How do you think I feel? I feel like that giant hole in my heart has been at least partially closed. The baby, and the rapist still being on the loose, are the only things keeping me from feeling whole again. It was so wonderful sitting there with her in my arms. We talked and talked. I even told her about you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did Maddie react when you told her you were undergoing counseling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She was kind of stunned at first, really. I think the fact that I actually went out and tried to get some perspective on things really drove home the fact that I cared. I try not to lose control of myself too often, and the fact that I sought you out really made her think. She even suggested coming to a session with me. So the two of you might meet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would be more than happy to include Maddie into one of our sessions, if that's what you want, Jesse."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let me think about that one, Doc. I kind of like having you all to myself. Just joking. But I would like to think about it. Let me see how things go over the next week and over Thanksgiving, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. You can let me know later, or give me a call if you decide at the last minute to bring Maddie along to our next session. And I hope you know that you can call me anytime, if you need to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey thanks, Doc. I may take you up on that one soon."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why is that, Jesse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. I guess I haven't gotten around to mentioning that Maddie's parents are invading for the Turkey Day. They arrive next Tuesday. Lucky for me, Sammy is coming with them. I think Maddie is dreading it almost as much as I am, but they insisted in that way only parents can. Holidays! Got to hate 'em."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In-laws can be very stressful. Do you feel that the situation can remain civil while they're visiting?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, hauling off and punching my mother-in-law out is mighty tempting, but I think I'll be able to resist it. To be honest though, they aren't nearly as bad as my parents. Plus, Sammy being there will help out. Maddie's little brother, Max, might come, too. He's seventeen and a really cool kid. His girlfriend wants him to stay home and be with her, though. He called me last week to see if there will be any good concerts while they'll in town. That's how I found out they were coming in the first place. I told him there was always something good going on here. So maybe he'll show up, and we can have some fun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's good to hear that you'll have some allies during the visit--that may help distract from the tension. Has Maddie told her parents about the pregnancy yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No way! She swore me to secrecy, too--like I'm going to tell them anything. She wants to explore her options before she tells anyone. She told Sammy because she's her best friend. And if anyone can steer her right, it will be Sambo. Maddie's parents are big time Bible thumpers. They'd never support her decision to an abortion, if that's what she decides to do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They wouldn't support her decision to abort if it turns out to be the rapist's child?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nope. They would tell her to have it and put it up for adoption. They'll probably try to get one of their Christian friends to adopt it. That would be great. Nothing like a constant reminder around, huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can see why she does not want them to know right now. How do you and Maddie feel about performing an abortion if it's necessary?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, there isn't much for me to feel, it's a woman choice. I can't say if it's right or wrong. With the state of the world today--kids running the streets, parents with no control, over population--maybe there should be a few less. But I can't decide for other people. Maddie feels the same way. She would do it in a second if this baby isn't mine. She told me that last night. But otherwise, I don't think she would consider it for herself. But Maddie also believes in freedom of choice--you can't know another human being's situation or feelings."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I hope the genetic testing will help you and Maddie decide what to do. I would urge you to make a decision about the test you want to take soon. The more you wait, the more..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. Thank you, Doctor Balis. You really have been a great help in this whole mess. I've been frantic all day--happy because I have my wife back and mad because of what she now has to decide. I feel like I'm being torn apart. And I can only imagine what Maddie is feeling--it must be a thousand times worse. But I've got to take it one day at a time, right, Doc?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right, Jesse. Work on your relationship with Maddie, but don't over do it. Be there for her, but don't get discouraged if she begins pushing you away again."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I do. Here it is. This one will tell you about CVS, and it also has links to the Amnio. Try doing some Internet searches on paternity testing in utero and things along that line. I'd also suggest that you and Maddie go see her OB doctor as soon as you can and discuss the in-utero paternity testing. With your circumstances, most doctors would be willing to perform the paternity testing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks again, Doctor Balis. This helps more than you know. Now we have somewhere to start."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Same time next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You got it, Doc. See you then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See you later, Jesse. Good luck."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 5th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jesse Trent, Monday, November 24, 1997 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Jesse. Come in and have a seat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I always do, Doc. So how are you feeling this week, Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm doing well, Jesse. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm pretty good right now. However, ask me the same question some time tomorrow, and I might answer differently!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, yes. Your in-laws are arriving tomorrow, aren't they?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yup. In just twenty short hours, my torture for the holiday begins! Actually, I'm looking forward to seeing Max and Sammy. Maddie is a nervous wreck, though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. She is also feeling anxiety over the visit then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, yeah. She's starting to put on a bit of weight, and she's afraid her mom will put two and two together. And, by the way, Maddie told me to thank you for the information you gave us. It was a big help!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad to hear that, Jesse. Have you scheduled an appointment with her OB doctor yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We already talked to him. After our last session, I went straight home. I called my boss and told him I couldn't make it in. He's really great about things like that--that's very rare in most businesses. So, I went home and looked at the Web page you gave me. When Maddie came home, I sat her down and talked to her about the paternity testing. She was amazed that they could do it with the baby still in the womb! She hugged me for a long time after she read the pages. It really put her mind at ease knowing she could find out before the baby is born."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm very glad, Jesse. This is a difficult decision for anyone to make, and it helps to have as much information as you can get. Now, you said you talked to her doctor?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. She called him the next day. Maddie didn't want to say too much to the nurse about her situation, so she just said it was critical that we talk to him as soon as possible. They told us we could come in Wednesday evening. She hadn't really told him about the rape, so that was a bit of a shock for him. We told him that we had concerns about the baby not being mine. He was so understanding--another great relief. We had printed out the Web pages you gave us and showed them to him. He was, of course, familiar with the procedures. He told us it would be best for Maddie--and possibly the baby--if we waited until her sixteenth week. But he could do the procedure as soon as possible if we want. He also told us about how very few rapes end in pregnancy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's very good, and having an understanding doctor will help quite a bit. What have you and Maddie decided? Are you going to do the procedure right away?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, since the odds of the baby being the rapist's are small, Maddie doesn't want to chance hurting the baby. However, her sixteenth week is around Christmas. So after talking about it some more with the her doctor, Maddie has decided to wait until the first week of January to have the Amnio done. They did an ultrasound to confirm how far along she was. Maddie got kind of emotional seeing the baby. She's very torn about what to do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's understandable. Seeing the fetus makes the situation much more real. For many women, real attachment to the baby begins with an ultrasound. How did you feel about seeing the fetus, Jesse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's awe inspiring, that's for sure. To see a little person inside of another...you just can't help feeling excited. It pissed me off though to have that nagging fear in the back of my mind. You know, what if it's not mine? I'm just praying that it is. I'm so afraid that Maddie will pull away again if it's not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's a very valid fear, Jesse. Try to stay realistic, but be hopeful, too. Take this time before the Amnio to work on building a solid foundation for you and Maddie. That may help soften the blow if the child is not yours."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm working on that, believe me. Maddie and I have been getting closer over the last week. We have talked quite a bit about things. Oh, and I'm such a dork! I asked Maddie about her \"meetings\"--when I followed her to that one woman's house, remember? Oh my gosh, I can be so paranoid sometimes! Well, at first she was mad that I had followed her, but then she realized I was just worried. Remember when I made the crack that they \"weren't there for a quilting bee?\" I was wrong! The woman who's house they went to is a seamstress. She had been telling everyone in the support group how relaxing and therapeutic quilting and sewing was! She invited everyone who wanted to try it to come to her house for sewing lessons!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh my! Well, hobbies can really help take the mind off of things for awhile. Why didn't the counselor you talked to tell you about this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Probably because I didn't tell her I'd followed Maddie. I just asked if it was normal for the women to form outside groups. I probably threw her for a loop with my phone call anyway. Maddie was never much interested in sewing or anything like that, but she showed me the quilt she's working on. It's very good. She laughed at me for a long time for overreacting. She didn't say anything about it, because she thought I would think she was silly! I think it's neat, though. I plan to buy her a sewing machine for Christmas to show her how much I do support her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wonderful. I'm glad that turned out to be nothing. Do you still feel that her support group was causing her to pull away from you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, a little bit. But that's because Maddie said that there's a lot of man-hating going on. Maddie did say that the one that does the most spouting about men is a lesbian. Not that I have anything against lesbians, but most don't seem to have any use for men anyway. She was the one that got in my face about staying out of things that don't concern me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think that Maddie will be able to resist feeling resentment towards you now that you have bridged the gap?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hope so. We talked a lot about what happened. Most of what she was feeling came from the fact that I couldn't be there for her right away. While I was catching a flight back to San Francisco, she had to be all alone with all those doctors and police. It was traumatic enough without being probed and prodded and questioned. To have to do it on her own...I guess I just didn't think about it that way. When I got back, she was sedated and sleeping. I can be really clueless sometimes!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad you're gaining perceptive on the situation, Jesse. It'll help a lot to keep your marriage on track. You said that things are going very well now. Are they?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For the most part they are. Maddie still kind of jumps when I touch her. She's fine if she initiates the touching--hugs, little kisses, shoulder rubs. But if I come up to her, she kind of freezes for a moment. But I guess that goes back to the trust and power thing. So I blow her a lot of kisses from across the room and make it known that whenever she needs a hug, I'm more than willing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's a good attitude, Jesse. It can be frustrating, but just remember not to take it personally. When she initiates the touching, it probably gives her more feeling of control in the situation. However, it does sound as if she's letting her guard down some. That's a good step towards healing. Has she initiated any sexual contact at all?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. Almost, but she stopped it. She was sitting on my lap Saturday evening, letting me stroke her hair. Then, she started kissing me, and it began to get a bit intense. We laid on the couch and kissed for a long time. Then, I guess I got caught up and my bad little hands started stroking her breast and moving to other unmentionable areas. She just stopped. She started crying and said she was sorry--she just couldn't do it yet. She took off to the bedroom. I let her be alone for a few minutes, and then I told her that it was okay. I let her know that I was in no hurry and was happy just to hold her in my arms. She said she felt bad getting me all excited and then cutting me off. I told her it was no big deal--I had two hands and could take care of myself. That made her laugh, though I think she still felt guilty."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's important not to pressure her. However, her feelings of guilt are very normal. She loves you, but she's unable to give you what she thinks you want just yet. It may be best if you let her control the encounters. She will let you know when she's ready."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I said, I have two hands and am more than willing to give her the space and time she needs! I just wish she would understand that I don't want her to do anything she isn't comfortable with. I get the feeling she thinks I say things like that just to make her feel better. But I really do mean it. As long as I have her back as my friend, and as long as she knows I am her friend, that's all I need right now. I don't need her to show me her love through sex. And honestly, I think sex right now would just get in the way of us working on that foundation you were talking about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maddie is excellent at turning conversation, so I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt. A letter is something which she can't change--change the direction of the content, I mean. I have the letter with me, do you want to see it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If that is what you really want."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doctor Balis. I'd like your feedback. With Maddie's feelings being so sensitive, and with us just now making progress, I would hate to do this just to find out I said something wrong in the letter!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just wait while I read it. Your letter is written from the heart. I think Maddie will be able to see that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doc."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No problem, Jesse. Our time is up for today. Good luck with your relatives and try to have a good Thanksgiving."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I will. I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for. And even more, if I don't kill anyone this week. Just joking!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See you next week, Jesse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Same neurotic time, same neurotic channel, Doc! You have a good turkey day, too. Bye!"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Conversation between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Jesse Trent, Monday, July 27, 1998 at 1:00 pm.\nHello? Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello. This is he."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey there, Doc! It's Jesse Trent."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse? How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, about nine months late for our last appointment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm doing okay, but I think I really need to start my sessions again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That would be fine. We can schedule an appointment for you..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That would be great. But I have a question, Doctor. Maddie wants to start seeing you as well. Will that be possible?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you mean together, Jesse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, separately, if possible. We tried the separate doctor thing, and because we were getting different kinds of advice, it really started to mess things up. Then we tried just dealing with our lives without any help. That went okay for a while, but things are getting very stressful again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesse, I don't believe that it would be a good..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor, I've seen a number of psychiatrists now. There were the ones Maddie and I saw and then those at the women's center. I haven't found anyone I feel as comfortable with as I do with you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, but..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's really important to me--Maddie and the baby...I need your help. And I think Maddie needs you, too. Please, Doc, don't say no. We really need you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. If I agree to see both of you, there has got to be an understanding that I can't disclose what either of you say to the other. I will treat you as separate patients, and my advice is going to be what I think best for each of you as individuals, not necessarily for what might be best for your relationship."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Whatever it takes, Doctor. It's not a problem. And Maddie and I figured that was how it was going to be. We are both willing to accept that. Oh, we had a baby girl on May 14th, and she is mine! That's the good news."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, that's great! Congratulations, Jesse!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doc. It's about the best thing to have ever happened to us. I'll tell you more when I come in to the office. I know you are busy, and I don't want to yap your ear off about my precious princess just yet!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sounds fine, Jesse. Let's set up an appointment. Do mornings work for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, that's okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How about Mondays at ten in the morning?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Then I'll see you next week, Jesse."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doc. See you then. Bye!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 1st Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Nicole Ulreich, Monday, March 30, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHi. You must be Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello. You must be Nicole."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Um, I'm kind of nervous. This is the first time I've ever been to a psycho-doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, there's nothing to worry about. I won't bite."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I kind of figured that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Why don't you sit down and we'll talk for awhile."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine. But there's nothing wrong with my life. It's just peachy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh? Then why are you here?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My way overprotective mother sent me here. She thinks I have a drug problem."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does she have any reason to think that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My friend Angela was caught with cocaine in her room. My mom figured that since Angie and I are best friends that we must both do drugs. I mean, excuse me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you use drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wouldn't call it \"using.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What would you call it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Playing around."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Could you please explain what you mean by \"playing around?\""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It means I do drugs every once in a while. Like at a party, for example. And sometimes when I'm down. And sometimes when I'm happy and all. But it isn't an all the time thing like it is with Angie. She does get excessive. But I'm supposed to talk about me not her, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's okay to talk about your friends. And it sounds like you're worried about her. Have you ever considered telling Angie's parents about her drug problem?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know the saying, \"Friends don't let friends drive drunk?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I believe that's true."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, the reason I don't tell her parents is because friends don't let friends get grounded either. Can you imagine what they'd do to her? Not to mention that they'd tell my parents, and then my parents would be convinced that I've been using drugs, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Do you think your friend is likely to get hurt if she continues to use drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Probably."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think that telling her parents might even save her life?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess that might be true."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think that getting grounded is a small price to pay for saving your friend's life, don't you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She's my best friend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well then."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She has a child psychiatrist. I think her name is Doctor Francisco. Angie said she's great."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad that your friend is getting help."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, me too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel about Angie's problem with drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm angry and sad, and I just feel icky!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Icky?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When I think of her problems, it makes my skin crawl. I think it could be me, or it could be worse. She could be driven to kill. She could kill herself. And what would I do without her? She is my best friend and the only person who understands the real me. What will I do if I lose her? She could die. Anyone who does drugs knows the facts. We know that we could die. We know drugs are toxic, and that keeps us from doing them, to some degree. But why can't we stay away altogether?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel when you take drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel like I could fly into the clouds and never come down. I feel safe and happy. I feel like it never rains anymore. I feel wonderful. Maybe there is something in drugs that makes one feel happy and safe. Maybe they help me cope with my problems."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How do you feel when you don't take drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Depressed. I feel unloved. Nothing makes me feel satisfied without drugs. I feel like I'm a piece of garbage."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What drugs have you tried?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Marijuana, cocaine, heroin, LSD, and some other stuff. There's this one thing that makes me feel so high."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What is it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know, but you mix it with alcohol and it makes you feel great."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you have a dealer?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I don't know who gets them. Well, all I know is that the guys get them and bring them to a party. And the next thing you know you're high as a kite!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The guys get them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Mostly football players. Some are basketball players."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The jocks?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. We call them preps."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Preps? Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Are they really that rich?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They are. I've been to their houses."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Well, Nicole, what about your family? What are they like?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm on my second stepfather. He has a great personality. He really loves my mother. He loves my half-sister, Dianne. She's three and a half."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. How does he feel about you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know if he loves me. He complains about the music I like. He despises Angie. He hated my ex-boyfriend, Jeff. He hates all the things that make me me. Does that make sense?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it makes sense to me. How do you feel about him? Do you like him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Tom is great. He treats me well. He doesn't beat me or my mom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. What about your mother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mom? She's a wonderful woman. She is so great. Normally, she believes me about things, although lately she's turned into Tom. She's always loved Angie, and she knows Angie's problems. She knows that Angie's mom died in a car accident five years ago. But none of it matters now; now, she just wants to please Tom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nicole, you said you liked Tom."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I used to. Now, I don't know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Earlier, you said that he doesn't beat you. Have you been beaten by your father or stepfather in the past?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My first stepfather beat me every night. He hated me. He thought that I was the biggest piece of trash to set foot on the Earth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He beat you and told you that you were worthless?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It made me feel awful. I thought he was supposed to love me. But he just beat me. He didn't care. He was a lot nicer before he married mom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you need a tissue?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, thank you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know it was your mother's idea for you to come to see me. But I believe that if we spend some time talking together about your problems and how you feel about the world and those closest to you, it might really help you. What do you think, Nicole?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. Can you help Angie, too?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If she'll agree to come, I will help her. Otherwise, I can't."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can't make decisions for Angie."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Her grandmother can."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is her grandmother her guardian?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well then, Angie's grandmother has the right to make certain decisions."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor Balis?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Nicole?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm afraid Angie's going to overdose. I mean, she could, any day now. I don't want her die. If she dies..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you have other people you hang out with at school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, Julie and Connor. They don't understand me like Angie does."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you thought about a peer group?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's a group that most schools run. It's a place where students can talk about their problems. You might find a new friend there. Try talking to your counselor about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Maybe I can talk Angie into coming, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's a good idea. I also think that telling Angie's grandmother about Angie's drug problem would be very valuable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think Angie will forgive me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She is your friend, and you would be trying to help her. Why don't you try talking to Angie first? Maybe you can get her to ask for help on her own."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's a great idea! I wish I had your brain. Thank you, Doctor. And, please, call me Nikki."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nikki?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "All my friends call me that. If I can trust you enough to tell you my deepest, darkest secrets, then I can tell you my nickname."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think my mother should be here by now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right. It was a pleasure to meet you, Nikki."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Bye, Doc."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll see you in two weeks, Nikki. That would be Monday, April thirteenth at two in the afternoon."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll be there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Nikki."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 2nd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Nicole Ulreich, Monday, April 20, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHi, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Nicole."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Guess what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've met the sweetest guy in the world. Of course he isn't as cute as Leonardo DiCaprio, but who could be?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He is the best actor in the world!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I've seen some of his movies."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Some? I've seen all of his movies."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. What about this guy you've met?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, yeah. He's this great guy named Shawn. He is so nice; he doesn't do drugs or anything like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He's kind of a goody-goody, though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that a bad thing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It used to be. But now it can be cool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Where did you meet him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I was eating lunch in the cafeteria, and he came over and sat by me. We started talking and found out that we both liked the same movies, and the same music, and the same writers. Then he asked me out on a date. We went to the movies."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds nice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think I'm in love."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In love?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know I seem too young to be in love, but I honestly think I'm in love. He's perfect for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I'm glad you've found..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. I'm so happy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess you want to know about Angie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is she?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, she's okay, I guess. Her grandmother said that I can't see her again until I get my act together. She must think I'm a bad influence on her--I get Angie to do drugs."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still doing drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I've quit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's very good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does your mother think that you still do drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. My mom knows better. Tom, on the other hand..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your stepfather?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Apparently he thinks that I don't really want to date a great guy like Shawn."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you told Tom how you feel about Shawn?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've tried, but he said that since I did drugs once, I'll do them again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How are the two related? What do your feelings for Shawn have to do with taking drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Tom knows that I will never do drugs again. I've promised him and my mother several million times that I will not do them again. How many times can a person beg for someone to believe them and not look like a fool?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe you should try talking to your parents one on one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can't you talk to them for me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. You have to settle this issue on your own. I can help you develop a strategy for talking to your parents, but the actual talking you'll have to do yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why? You would do so much better than me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Getting your parents to trust you is something you have to do--no one else can talk them into trusting you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What can I do to make them trust me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Trust is something you earn. You show people that they can trust you by being worthy of that trust. You can come home before curfew, or clean up without having to be asked, or babysit for families in your neighborhood, for example."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Before curfew? You've got to be kidding!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My curfew is eleven-thirty, and good parties are never over until three in the morning."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, you have to make some hard decisions. You can either party all night, or you can try to get your parents to respect and trust you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How's school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine. I got my report card last week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did you do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I got three A's, two B's, a C, and an F."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What subjects were you taking?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, A's were for Drama, Choir, and English."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about the other grades?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I got B's in Algebra II and History. And I got a C in Chemistry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And the F?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "P.E."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Physical Education?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They wanted me to write a summary of an article on volleyball. I got an article off the Internet, and they said it didn't count."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have to write reports for P.E.?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Isn't it stupid? It's something about blending in English with all the other classes. But we don't do it in any other class."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. I have to admit that I didn't do all that well in P.E. myself. And other than grades, how is school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I made a superior on my solo for Choir. Next week, we'll be going to Chicago to perform at a competition."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds like fun."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I'm supposed to room with these two girls from Choir. I always thought they were snobs, but they turned out to be pretty nice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "People can fool you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Amber and Janna--the girls I'm rooming with--invited me to go shopping with them for clothes for the trip."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, something else major is going on at school."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What is it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm running for Second Vice President of next year's Junior Class."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's great. How did you decide to get involved in school politics?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Amber, Janna, and Shawn. They said that they were running, too. Amber is running for First Vice President, Janna is running for Treasurer, and Shawn is running for President. If we win, we'll be all together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. But I doubt that I'll win. I know that Amber, Janna, and Shawn will, but I might not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you know that they will win?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Janna and Amber are co-captains of JV cheerleading. They are two of the most popular girls in my grade, and they are really smart. Shawn is on the football and basketball teams. He has a 3.76 GPA, and every girl at school thinks he is sweet and funny."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what about you, Nicole?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know my GPA right off, but I know that I'm not as qualified as they are."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do your friends think you'll win?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They say I will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And do they think they will win?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. They keep on saying that they doubt that they'll win. I guess we all believe in each other but not in ourselves."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That happens often. Is there anything else going on at school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I tried out for cheerleading."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I made it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did Janna and Amber try out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. They made it, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who's the captain?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Two Junior snobs named Marty Anderson and Vaughn Johannsen. Nobody likes them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because they aren't nice. They walk by people and make fun of them. I've gone to school with them since preschool, and after they made cheerleading in seventh grade, they went from being super sweet to being super snobs."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think that making cheerleading changed them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It went to their heads. Yeah, definitely. They made the dance team in sixth grade and kind of got snobbier. But cheerleading made them even bigger snobs."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think you'll change?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hope not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you have to do some special training?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When does that start?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I have to go to three camps. They'll be in June and July. The first one will begin in five days. I might have a schedule for you next time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. I just noticed that your hair isn't cherry red anymore."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I got the red stuff to come out. I decided that since I didn't like my dark brown hair, I would dye it kind of a golden blonde. What do you think?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It looks nice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. And I'll get my hair cut this afternoon, too--bad split ends, see?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is strange, I'm talking about split ends with my doctor. Have I gone crazy?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For the most part, I believe you are a normal teenager."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me? Normal? You must not know me very well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because I am not normal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem pretty normal to me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I'm not!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What makes you abnormal?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well...I'm just a good actress, so that's why you don't see it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. What are you working on in your Drama Class?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nothing. But History has gotten interesting lately. My history teacher is into Titanic stuff. We watched all the movies and listened to the music from the latest movie. We also watched a lot of documentaries and read stories about the Titanic. So it's interesting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wonder if she'll buy us posters from the new Titanic movie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I need a new poster for my room--I took down all my weird ones."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You took all your old posters down? Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, when I was on drugs, I painted my room black and had all these weird posters on the walls. Now that I am not doing drugs, I've redone my room. It's still black, but I took some other colors and kind of splashed them on the walls and all around. It's really pretty now. Well, I need to go."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have fun in Chicago. I hope you win your competition."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll try. Bye, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Nicole."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 3rd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Nicole Ulreich, Tuesday, June 23, 1998 at 12:00 pm.\nHi, Nicole."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And your mono?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gone with the wind. I've been feeling better for about a week and a half. I'm still weak, but today I feel like I'm on top of the world!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. How is your social life? How are you and your boyfriend doing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wonderful. Do you know what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you two been out on a date since you got well?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, not on a real date. But every Friday, he comes over and helps with dinner. He is so sweet. Last night, he came over with cookie dough ice cream and sat on the front porch with me and we ate it together. I think I am in love!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? How does he feel about you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He hasn't told me he loves me yet. But I know he does."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What makes you think so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Trust me, he does."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Well, please tell me what's been going on in your life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Angie's grandmother called my mom and told her that Angie left rehab and ran away last week. Doctor Balis, she could be anywhere, doing anything. Part of me thinks she'll come back and be sober and all, but I know...I just know that when...if she comes back, she'll be as high as a kite. She'll probably be pregnant, too. And I'm not going to go with her to that clinic again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Clinic?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A few months ago, she made me take her to a clinic so she could get an abortion."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh. Did her grandmother know about the abortion?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She said that Angie couldn't have the baby. Actually, she said it in a far more vibrant way. Her grandmother called her a slut and told Angie that she couldn't stay with her if she kept the baby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. How do you feel about abortion?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's her body. I can't make her decisions for her. Personally, I would never do it, but it was her choice not mine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Do you feel that Angie's grandmother pushed her into having..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'd rather talk about something else, Doctor. Kiersten McKenna and Monica Talianko have befriended me. They think that I am so perfect. They are such airheads. I'm serious. They think two plus two is twelve. If you looked in the dictionary under ditzy, their pictures--along with practically the rest of the squad--would be there staring you right smack in the face. I mean it! Do you know what I've learned since becoming a cheerleader?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Preps' and jocks' parties are a lot like druggies', except with lots more money."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Didn't you used to go to jocks' parties?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I would go crash frat parties. It's where the cool stuff went on!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you go to these parties now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I did before I got sick, but I'm going to one tonight."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you do drugs and drink alcohol there?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes I drink the little cocktail-type things. But mostly, I just drink water."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And do you do drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No way! Not now, not ever!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes it's harder than others to say no. Once, I almost did, but I went to the bathroom and splashed myself with water to make myself remember...and then I thought about Angie. I thought about how we used to go to parties and get trashed, and then we would go to the bathrooms to get sick and all. Sometimes, we'd wake up in beds that weren't ours and not knowing what happened. We could've just been drunk and nothing happened. But sometimes, I thought something else might have..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you talking about being rape?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I know that I've slept with a few guys in my life. But when I was getting trashed all the time, a guy really didn't have to rape me to get me in bed. He could just suggest it to me, and I'd go for it. Sometimes, I'd get some cocaine or something for it. That was mostly from the rich frat boys. But sometimes, I'd get drugs from slum guys, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you ever been tested for HIV?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I don't have it, luckily for me. If the guys I slept with had it, they used protection."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you ever been pregnant?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. But lately I've been thinking about having a baby with my boyfriend. He'd make a good dad. He told me he wants kids, but he didn't really say with whom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A baby is..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A baby is a big responsibility. I know. But I want one so bad. I want to get married to him, and have kids, and live with him forever!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Do you think he wants the same thing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We've talked about it a lot. He said that when I was ready, we could try to...I mean, he said he is ready to have a baby. And so am I."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Do you feel you are old enough to have a baby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know I'm a bit young, but I want to have a baby."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I'll try to wait for cheerleading to be over before I'll start trying."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For a baby?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes! I'll start in November."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you want to have a baby by this time next year?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Nicole..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And I'll need you, Doctor. You need to help me tell my parents about this. I'll need to talk it over with them of course."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I need to become closer to his parents, too. We know it's a big responsibility, and I'll need your help to get ready for it, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nicole, I don't..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. But I've got to get going now--that party, you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nicole, our session is not over yet. Please sit down. We have a lot to talk about."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No can do, Doctor. My love is waiting for me. See you later."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of Telephone Call between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Nicole Ulreich, Monday, May 18, 1998 at 10:30 am.\nHello."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who is this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is Nicole Ulreich."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Nicole. How are you feeling? Any better?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really, I was just calling because I have nothing better to do and you're a good listener--so why not bother you? Huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We have an appointment in half an hour. Are you coming this week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, my doctor said that I wouldn't be able to get out of bed for another week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about your cheerleading and student government?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I won in my race and so did my boyfriend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about your other friends?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "One dropped out, and the other lost because she was running against a girl who bought most of the football team's votes by flashing them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. She was just really nice and responsible."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, mono is just awful!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I can't see my friends or kiss my boyfriend. I can't go out to the movies. All I can do is roam around the house, watch movies, and do homework. I can talk on the phone sometimes and get on a computer once a day for 3 hours, but that's it. It really sucks having mono. I wish I could be back to normal. I miss having fun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How's Angela?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine, I guess. Her grandmother told me that I was not allowed to be near Angie ever again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Angie's grandmother thinks I was the one who started Angie on drugs."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wasn't it Angie who got you into drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes! Either she has been lying to her grandmother, or her grandmother just wants to blame me for Angie's problems."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And when I call Angie, her nurses tell her grandmother and she calls and tells me off. Once, she called me a stupid little slut who only wanted to drag her innocent granddaughter into my drug ring. And that was actually one of the nicer things she said to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you tried telling Angie's grandmother that you've stopped using drugs?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but she doesn't care. She thinks \"once a drug user always a drug user.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what do you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "People change."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Do they always change?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think your stepfather has changed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Which one?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The first one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. He'll never change. He's on his fifth wife."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Which wife was your mom?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "His second."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did he abuse all of the kids he lived with?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I still talk to his daughter, Kerri. She was the one who told me that he has moved on to the fifth one--fifth wife, I mean."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did he abuse Kerri?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does she still talk to him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How old is Kerri?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Seventeen. She still spends summers with him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does he still abuse her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. Physically and sexually. She told her mom, but her mother didn't believe her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Her mom is not a nice person. I don't understand how Kerri puts up with her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Her mom is a prostitute, or at least she was when I met her. I can't understand how Kerri could be so normal when her family is the way it is."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So nothing is really going on in my life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is your relationship with your boyfriend progressing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wonderful. He's so nice to me. He listens to me. He would never hurt me, like all my other boyfriends had. Okay. I got to go now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right. It was nice talking with you, Nicole. I hope you feel better soon. Call me when you are ready to set up an appointment."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Goodbye, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Nicole."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 1st Session between Charles Balis, M.D., Ms. Kelly Wiseling, and Ms. Ann Maxwell, Wednesday, July 29, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nMs. Wiseling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, that's me. It's nice to meet you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is this your mother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't need an interpreter. The Deaf Center insisted she come along, but I don't need her help."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why can't you say \"deaf?\" It's a four-letter word, but it's not a bad word, like fuck or shit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to sit down? I'm sure we can find a way to settle this."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's already settled. I'm not going to a deaf counselor or a counselor who signs. I have a hearing aid, I can read lips. I understand you just fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sure you do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I do not appreciate it when you talk down to me, Doctor Balis. I may be deaf, but I am not stupid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn't mean to sound condescending, Ms. Wiseling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "May I call you Kelly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, Chuck."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right, Ms. Wiseling, then."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "All right, Doctor Balis, then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What brings you here, Ms. Wiseling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What am I mute, too? I'm a deaf and dumb? That's news to me. I didn't know I couldn't talk."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Wiseling, would you like to tell me what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've been working as a programmer at SII for a few months. The California Deaf Center put me there as part of their job placement program."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You see? Well, good for you, you must not be visually-impaired then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's all right, Ms. Maxwell. I think Ms. Wiseling was making a joke."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey, you're quick. You must not be learning-disabled either."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened at work?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This guy, Scott, was standing around, talking to the other men at work. He didn't know that by reading lips, I can understand what people say even from across the room."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did Scott say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He and those other apes were making fun of the way I talk. He said, \"I wonder what they sound like in bed?\" He made these disgusting noises."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you sure they were talking about you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm the only deaf person there! I went up to him and told him that he would never know what it was like to fuck a deaf woman, because we have better tastes than to date losers like him and it was his loss. And do you know what he said? He said, \"Who said anything about dating? I just want to fuck one!\" He exaggerated his mouth like I couldn't understand him. What does he think, that I haven't heard that a million times before? I have a hearing aid, you know! I can hear when people make fun of me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I told him if he even thought about it, I would kick his ass. Then I pushed him hard enough so he fell back."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did anyone else witness this incident?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Were you there? Were you? I didn't think so. I was mad, so I got loud. A lot of people saw what happened, including Scott's boss."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. What happened after that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This must have been very upsetting for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I said, this happened before. A lot of hearing men make jokes like that about deaf women. I should get used to it, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not necessarily. This sort of humor is offensive and grossly inappropriate, especially in a work setting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But things like that will always happen. People will always make fun of me, of the way I talk. Believe it or not, my speech is actually pretty good. Most deaf people sound a lot worse than I do. It's like talking to a walrus."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I find you very easy to understand. You have very good communication skills."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For a deaf person, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's not what I said."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But that's what you meant, right? I'm a pretty good speaker for a deaf person."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, that's not what I meant. I meant your communication skills were excellent for anyone. You seem to speak directly to the heart of the matter and express yourself clearly. But if you want to focus only on the way that you sound when you talk, it's true that you speak in a manner characteristic of someone who is deaf. But you're perfectly intelligible, and I'm having no problem understanding you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "All right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Wiseling, why did this incident bring you to my office?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you mind? He was talking to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please continue, Ms. Wiseling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. The reason I came here is that I need to stop being so sensitive about stuff like that. I can't go crying like a baby every time someone makes fun of me. I'm an adult, I'm twenty-five, and I've been deaf almost all my life. It's time for me to get over it. I want you to help me with that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Wiseling, while I understand your concerns, your reaction in this situation was understandable. Most people would get angry given this situation..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Watching four or five hours of television a night is normal, too. But it's not good, is it, Doctor?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you think you should have handled the situation?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I want to be like that woman on the Howard Stern show."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Pardon?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There is a black woman on the Howard Stern show, Robin Quivers. You are probably thinking, \"How can a deaf person listen to a radio show?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I watch the televised version on the E! Channel."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Why do you want to be like this woman from the show?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robin. She is the only woman on the show. Howard and his buddies always make fun of her. Once they even made jokes about her being molested by her father. But she laughs along with them and gives it right back to them. She can insult them just as much as they insult her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Do you see this woman as some sort of role model?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I do. I read her book, and it was very inspiring. She understands what it means to be a strong person. A strong person doesn't run to the bathroom crying every time someone makes a joke about her. When you do that, you let them win. The way you fight back is by giving it right back to them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like you did just that when you confronted Scott and his boss."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I sat on the toilet and cried like a little kid afterwards. And I knew they could tell I did when I came back--my face was red."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's all right to be emotional. There is nothing wrong with crying if you get upset."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't want to let them get me that upset. Crying is for kids. I don't want people to feel sorry for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "After the incident, when I was working, someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was Tom, the guy from the Help Desk. He saw the whole thing. I heard Scott tried to steal his girlfriend or something like that. Anyway, he hates Scott, too. Tom said Scott is a big ape. Tom made these monkey-gestures, scratching under his arms, making faces. I knew he was trying to make me feel better. I had to laugh."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like your co-workers empathized with you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Empathize? Hmm."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It means..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know what it means, I had a 710 verbal SAT score. I have a very good vocabulary, Doctor. I don't need you to tell me what \"empathize\" means. There are some words I don't use because they are harder for me to say. I can't use lots of fifty-dollar words like you do, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 2nd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, August 5, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Ms. Wiseling. No interpreter today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Forget her! I don't need no stinking interpreter."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem to do very well without one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you call a brunette sitting between two blondes?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "An interpreter! That's a joke. A dumb blonde joke. You're supposed to laugh."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's very amusing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just a little deaf humor. You can always tell when it's deaf humor, because hearing people don't think it's funny."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that a palm-top computer?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I bring it everywhere. If I say something that you don't understand, I'll write it for you. It's faster to type than write, so I use one of these. It's better than pen and paper."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's a good idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If there's something you don't understand, ask me to repeat it. I'm used to people asking, \"What?\" or \"Huh?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sure you'll do the same for me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, of course I will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What would you like to discuss today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't been in this city very long. I don't have many people to talk to, except for people at work. That's part of the reason why I came to see you--I have a need to talk to someone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When you say \"Hmm,\" could you nod your head? Then I won't think you're ignoring me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. I hadn't realized you couldn't hear it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My hearing aid doesn't pick up low noises. You should also look directly at me when you're talking, so I can read your lips."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Have you always worn a hearing aid?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Since I was five. With my hearing aid, I have about sixty percent of normal hearing. Without my hearing aid, I only have five percent."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were you deaf from birth?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I lost my hearing when I was about three. I had a bad ear infection. I don't remember much before then. I've been deaf as long as I remember."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My parents had a hard time with it. They didn't even learn how to sign, not even the alphabet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did you communicate with them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mostly by screaming and crying at first. When I was young, I was very self-conscious about speaking. My brother used to make fun of the way I talked, and my mother was always correcting me. I attended a school for the deaf when I was five. The teachers taught us to make the sign for \"toilet\" when we had to go to the bathroom. Once, I had to go really bad and I kept signing \"toilet\" to my mother. She ignored me on purpose--she wanted me to speak. I couldn't hold it in any more, and I wet myself. My mother was really angry. She spanked me and sent me to my room. That night at dinner, she told my father and brother so they could both give me a bad time. For weeks afterward, my brother still said I smelled like pee and held his nose when he saw me. My mother praised him for doing that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At the first school I went to, my teachers kept telling my parents to use sign language at home to reinforce what I learned in school. But my mother wanted none of that. She always told me to act like a normal hearing person. After one year, they sent me away to a small private school that taught deaf children based on a philosophy called \"Oralism,\" which emphasized written and spoken English and lip-reading instead of ASL."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How does this differ from the customary deaf school curriculum?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Most deaf schools try to balance between hearing culture and deaf culture. Deaf children learn American Sign Language--ASL--and Deaf Culture, as well as lip-reading and speaking. The school I attended discouraged ASL. The kids there learned it on their own from books. Very few schools like that still exist. The first schools to teach Oralism were founded in the late 19th century. In some of these schools, teachers tied down the hands of deaf children so they couldn't sign. When I went to Gallaudet, I felt really out of place. All the other students signed beautifully. I envied them, they were so graceful and quick with their hands--not clumsy like me. I felt like I didn't belong there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My mother insisted that I go to Gallaudet. I thought she would want me to go to a mainstream university--she wanted a normal, hearing daughter. But my mother heard that Gallaudet was one of the best liberal arts schools for the deaf and had a good record for job placements. She didn't care what the environment was like. My parents wouldn't pay for tuition at any other school. I didn't want to go, but I didn't have a choice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why didn't you want to go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gallaudet is the center of deaf activism. Everyone there signs and knows deaf culture. The school I went to dumbed down the course work. We spent a lot of time working on our speech and lip-reading skills. I got good grades, I studied a lot, but I wasn't on level academically with kids my age. My grade-point-average and SAT scores were good enough to get me into Gallaudet, but I wasn't really prepared for college. I had to take a lot of remedial classes and improve my ASL."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were you able to meet people and make friends at school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel like my parents played a cruel joke on me. During the early part of my life, I was forced to adapt to the hearing world and abandon the deaf world. Then, when I became an adult, they insisted that I go to a university where deaf culture was predominant. I felt that I was handicapped in both the hearing world and the deaf world. I don't know if that makes sense."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it does."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't mean to spend so much time talking about being deaf. The real reason I sought therapy was because of the issues I have with my family."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You described a strained relationship with your mother and you said your father was distant. How about your brother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My brother! I could go on and on about him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We have a lot of time. You are free to vent your feelings here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I never talk to my parents about my brother Mark. If they bring him up, I threaten to leave the room. He is a bad subject for conversation."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My parents love Mark, especially my mom. He was her firstborn son, and he wasn't a disabled like me. He was tall and handsome; he looked like my mother. Mark did well in school and was on the basketball team. He was popular and had a lot of friends. My parents were both destroyed when he started falling apart."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean by falling apart?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark is schizophrenic. He didn't start showing symptoms until his senior year in high school. He got violent, paranoid, and delusional. My parents sent him to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He cracked during his sophomore year in college. He got involved in a group of born-again Christians. I think something is wrong with those people. There were some of them at Gallaudet. The men wore white shirts and ties and carried bibles around. They acted like they were doing us a big favor, inviting us--poor little deaf people--to their church."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did your parents respond to his religious conversion?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How long did your brother stay involved in this church?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A few years. He dropped out of college and became a missionary for a while. I used to be so embarrassed when I saw him on street corners preaching or singing. I would pretend I didn't know him and walk past him. I think that religion made him even crazier."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark had a short attention span. He couldn't finish anything--not college, not even the vocational school my mother sent him to so he could get a decent-paying job. He got married to a girl from his church. Mark left her a few years after his son was born. No matter what Mark did, my mom stood up for him. When I graduated with honors from Gallaudet, I was really proud of myself. One Thanksgiving, when my father's family was visiting from England, I told them about the awards I won and my Honor Society membership. My mom pulled me into the kitchen and told me I was getting a big head and I was making Mark feel bad because he didn't graduate from college. I said I was sorry, but she kept telling me how bad I was for hurting Mark's feelings, until I began to cry. Only my mother can do that to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How about your father?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My father was always working. He doesn't say much. I don't know what he is feeling most of the time. When I graduated with honors, he actually hugged me and told me he was proud of me. That was the first time he had done that since I was a little kid. I think secretly he was glad that I did so well, because of what happened to Mark."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened to Mark?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "After Mark dropped out of the church, things got a lot worse. He did a lot of drugs, especially cocaine. My mother kept giving him money for it. My parents had a lot of fights about that. My father tried that \"tough love\" stuff--he threw Mark out of the house and refused to give him any money. My mom would always take care of him, though. Mark was in and out of drug rehab and mental institutions for the next few years, with my parents footing the bill."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I still can't believe the way my mother kept making excuses for him. When Mark didn't pay child support, Mom would say he had a good reason. Mark was so creepy, he wouldn't take his son anywhere. But he would spy on little Eric, following him, lurking outside the playground or his ex-wife's house. His ex-wife got scared and got a restraining order. And do you know what my mother said? She said Mark was an attentive father and Laura was a bad mother for trying to keep him away from his son."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What is Mark doing now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He was in a car accident a few years ago. He was driving around with one of his pot head friends, and they crashed into another car. Mark wasn't wearing a seat belt, and he was badly injured. He is paralyzed on his left side and uses a wheelchair. He lives in a home now. The last time we visited, he ordered my mother around like she was a servant. I made an excuse and I left. I feel sorry for my dad. He never says anything, he keeps it all inside."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. We've covered a lot of territory this hour. How do you feel now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I felt okay talking to you. Not many people know about my family and Mark. I don't really like people to know my business."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope that you'll become secure enough to talk to me about anything that troubles you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm surprised I find it so easy to talk to you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad you feel that way. I'll see you the same time next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I'll see you then. Take care, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Ms. Wiseling."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 3rd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, August 12, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Ms. Wiseling. How are you today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm fine, Doctor Balis. You may call me Kelly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. And you may call me Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fair enough."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are things at work?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm very busy, I like that. Scott Collavito is leaving me alone now. He sends me work-related e-mail, but he avoids actually talking to me. And that's fine by me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm teaching some of the people in my department how to curse in sign language. They all liked the \"asshole\" sign and asked to learn more like that. Everyone knows the middle finger, but there are lots of other gestures for bad words you won't find in most sign language dictionaries."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Now my office mates will be able to piss off deaf people and curse at them in their own language."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How kind of you to teach them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "After that incident with Scott Collavito, my boss asked me if I wanted to send out a memo--a how to guide for working with deaf people. I said, \"No thank you,\" right away. But now I'm having second thoughts."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first, I didn't want to draw attention to myself, and I didn't think it was necessary. When I first came to SII, my boss introduced me to the department. He explained that I was deaf, but I could read lips. Almost everyone was cool about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Almost everyone?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There are always jerks who have to make fun of anyone who's different. There's this one guy who stomps his foot on the floor to get my attention. He made me jump a few times, and everybody turned to look. He thought that was funny. Sensitivity training doesn't do any good for dick-heads like that. He doesn't care how deaf people prefer to be approached."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you prefer to be approached?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Either by a light tap on the shoulder or by a knock on the desk. You don't have to bang on the floor with your feet. You only do that during an argument, or if you're trying to signal someone across the room. That's my preference anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're right, there are some people who won't care about your feelings. But I'm sure there are people at work who would appreciate this information."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's what I now realized, but it's too late."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not necessarily. You can approach your boss and tell him what you just told me. I'm sure he would be happy to help you. Are there other issues involving communication that you would like to address?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I can tell that some people at the office are a little uncomfortable around me. They don't know how to approach me or talk to me. They don't realize that most deaf people trained in lip-reading want you to speak to them like you would to a hearing person. All you have to do is look at me while you're talking and enunciate clearly. With years of lip-reading experience and the hearing aid, I can understand most people. I have difficulties with foreign accents. When my relatives from England came for a visit, I had to ask them to repeat themselves."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can talk to your boss about all the communications issues you have problems with in the office. He would..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't want to make a fuss. On the one hand, I want to be like everyone else. On the other, I want people to accommodate my needs. That's a contradiction, right? I can't have it both ways."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It seems that you are only asking for a very small and reasonable accommodation, which you are afforded by law, by the way."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't want to bring up the Americans with Disabilities Act unless I have to. I came to SII because I wanted to assimilate into a normal working environment. All my life, my mom told me to be like a normal, hearing person. I hated her for saying that, but now look at what I'm doing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I remember you said your previous job was at a company that employed a lot of deaf people."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I worked for DeafTech, but it wasn't a real job. It was a good experience, but there was no money and no future there. After Gallaudet and DeafTech, I had enough of the deaf community."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't know a lot about the deaf community before I went to Gallaudet. Deaf people have a culture all of their own. For example, I learned ASL on my own from books, but I didn't know slang expressions and curse words like the other kids. Gallaudet was and is the center for deaf activism. I arrived there a few years after the \"Deaf President Now\" protest."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I saw a news report on that quite a few years ago. Gallaudet students successfully lobbied to have a deaf person as president of the University, and they also wanted the majority of school trustees to be deaf."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Very good, Doctor. Most hearing people have never heard of Gallaudet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. I might have to look this book up. Well, the Gallaudet campus was a culture shock for me. I wasn't used to that kind of environment. There were a lot of radicals. People argued all the time. It was interesting being around other deaf people. I think in some ways, it was a good experience because I learned deaf culture and improved my ASL. But I got sick of listening to all that rhetoric."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In deaf culture, being deaf is not considered a handicap, it's just the way you are. Some deaf people compare deafness to having blue eyes or freckles--it's a natural part of you and one that you should accept. You've heard the story about the deaf couple expecting a baby? They wanted to determine whether the child was deaf while it was still in utero. When the doctor told them the baby had normal hearing, the couple wanted an abortion--they wanted a deaf child. Many people, including deaf people, find that story shocking. I do too. I don't agree with that couple, but I understand their feelings. For some, being deaf is an identity, and those individuals have a strong sense of pride about it. Deaf people want to marry other deaf people, just as some people want to marry within their own racial group or in their own faith. And many deaf people want deaf children who will share their culture and language."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I understand why some deaf persons resent the hearing world--they feel it has rejected them. To a lot of deaf people, \"hearing\" and \"stupid\" are almost synonymous. They forget that there are stupid, ignorant, deaf people, too--like my roommates. On campus, I heard a lot of jokes about stupid hearing people. The deaf are very proud of their culture. They like to think it's better than the hearing culture."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What are your feelings about this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can understand, but I don't always agree. There are parts of both the hearing world and the deaf world that I love, and there are some things I can't stand about both. Because I was a late bloomer when it came to learning ASL, I don't think I was really accepted by the deaf community."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you know how some people are popular and well-liked because they are good at telling jokes and stories? In the deaf world, being able to sign well is very important. Some people are gifted that way, they have a talent for telling stories and communicating through sign. Remember Heather Whitestone, the first deaf Miss America? The deaf community kept attacking her because she didn't sign. They also criticized Marlee Matlin because she didn't sign her acceptance speech at the Oscars, she spoke instead."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've also heard deaf activists either praise or criticize Louise Fletcher for signing at the Academy Awards. Some of them say what she did was good for deaf people, others say it was demeaning because she is a hearing person. You can't win. I used to argue that people like Heather Whitestone and Marlee Matlin are ambassadors to the hearing world, and it helps that they can speak well because not many hearing people sign."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you prefer speaking to signing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I like to use both, but most of the time, I speak. I'll sign if the other person understands or wants to learn. Heather Whitestone is interesting because in some ways her upbringing was like mine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Heather was not born deaf, but became deaf due to illness at a young age, like me. She has some residual hearing and uses a hearing aid. Heather's mother didn't like ASL and pushed her to speak. Her mother also enrolled her in beauty pageants to pay for college. Heather never says anything bad about her mother--Miss America types aren't supposed to--but I wonder if she secretly resents her mom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When I first read about her, it made me angry that her mother did this to her. I thought it was terrible. And the fact that Heather Whitestone is so well-known and is supposed to be a role-model for the deaf community...well, that sends the wrong message. It's like saying that what her mother did was right--it was right to deny her child the ability to speak to other deaf people and to force her child to adapt to a hearing world. I wonder if her mother knew how frustrating it is to try and speak a language you can't hear."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think Heather Whitestone's mother should learn firsthand what she put her daughter through. A band of terrorists should kidnap her, rupture both her eardrums, and send her to Iran where she would have to learn Farsi without the benefit of hearing it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You feel strongly about this."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What really got me is when I saw Heather dance. A lot of deaf people love to dance. Hearing people are often surprised that deaf people are good at it. But when I saw Heather Whitestone do her ballet routine on TV, I thought there's no joy in her movements--she looked like a little doll in a jewelry box. That seemed the cruelest thing of all--forcing a deaf child to take ballet. Ballet music doesn't have a strong beat like popular dance music. I read that Heather had to count off the beats in her head to keep time. Where's the fun in that? It sounds like a boring exercise. Heather's mother probably did it to make her look good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Go on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The funny thing is that sometimes I think deaf people like me--the ones who were forced to speak and adapt to hearing culture--are really better off. If I had learned ASL and stayed in the deaf community, I wouldn't be as adept in the hearing world. You have to give up one to have the other. But sometimes, I think you lose both ways."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't mean to spend so much time talking about being deaf. It must be boring for you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, as I said, I actually find it quite interesting and informative. And here you're free to talk about whatever subject concerns you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's funny, when I came to San Francisco, I thought it would be a new beginning. I decided that once I arrived, being deaf would no longer be an issue for me. I was an individual, an independent person, who just happened to be deaf. Maybe I was just kidding myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Many people feel conflicted about their identities, especially when they belong to more than one minority group. For instance, a gay Jewish man may consider himself a gay man first and a Jew second. It's a matter of personal choice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I understand what you're saying. But for me, it seems like being deaf will always come first. I know that will always be a part of me, but I don't want it to be that way. Am I making any sense?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you are. I think this is an important issue to explore, but we're almost out of time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Already?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm afraid so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Next week, I want to discuss some non-deaf issues, too. Maybe I better write that down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We can do that, if you'd like. Kelly, I would like you to consider talking to your boss about that proposal you mentioned at the beginning of the session."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I'll think about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right, Kelly. Have a good week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You too, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 4th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, August 19, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Kelly. How are you today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm fine, and you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm good. How was your week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There's something I wanted to tell you about. This guy at work--I think I told you about Tom, he's from the Help Desk--changed his appearance. He looks like a totally different person now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He has a dark suntan. And he started wearing contacts now, and he even shaves. I wonder if he has a new girlfriend, or maybe he's trying to impress Rachel. I liked him better with glasses. I always thought he was kind of cute."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you find him less attractive now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not really. I guess I have a thing for tall skinny guys with glasses, but it wasn't only his appearance that attracted me to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "His sense of humor--Tom's really funny. He's a little awkward sometimes, and I think that's sweet. He gestures a lot when he talks, so he's easy to understand. I think someone like that would pick up ASL quickly. And I was touched when he talked to me after that run-in with Scott Collavito. But I might be reading too much into it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He seems genuine. A lot of guys are phony, they put on an act to impress people, especially women. If Tom asked me out, it would be because he really liked me. It wouldn't be because he felt sorry for me or because he thought that since I'm deaf, I must be desperate for a date and probably an easy lay. I've had boyfriends before, sort of, but they didn't really like me for myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean, \"sort of?\""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When I was a teenager, one of my mother's friends fixed me up with her son. I didn't like him, but it takes too much energy to fight my mother, so I went out with him. Daryl and I went to the movies and out for ice cream--high school stuff. Daryl was such a goody-goody. I knew that the only reason why he went out with me was so people would say, \"What a nice boy, dating that poor little deaf girl.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can't be sure of that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How long were you and Daryl together?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About two years. He went to an out-of-state college. I was so glad when he left. I never even wrote to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you date while you were in college?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A little bit. Mostly, I concentrated on school. The first year was the hardest because I had so much catching up to do. I met this guy in one of my classes, he helped me with my ASL. We used to study together and go running. Peter and I started out as good friends. When we began having sex, it was not really a romantic thing. It was more like a necessity--we both wanted it so badly, and we each knew that the other was a safe bet. He was the first guy I really enjoyed intercourse with. All my hormones were going crazy, and I wanted it all the time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's normal for a college student."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like Peter was threatened by your sexual demands. That's a common reaction among younger men who are insecure about their own sexuality."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was really hurt by what he did. I couldn't understand why he would do that to me. He went out with another girl during his senior year, a skinny blonde. I always thought she was boring and not too smart. I hope she was terrible in bed, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Have you dated since then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I went out with a guy I met at DeafTech a few times. He was nice, but I was...I don't know. I think I was still fucked-up in the head after what happened with Peter. I was defensive and acted like a bitch."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Earlier, it sounded as though you were interested in dating again."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I go back and forth a lot. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to have someone to go to dinner with, to talk to, and to have sex with. Other times, I don't think it's worth the bother. Dating is stressful, it makes you worry all the time. I like going out and being social, I like doing things with people. I haven't done much of that lately, I've been working so much."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I find that once I make the first step--by smiling and saying hello--it's usually pretty easy after that. Most people at work are friendly to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you interact socially with your co-workers after work?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's not just because Angie is a hearing person--I know that's what the two deaf girls say behind my back, but that's not true. I don't like those girls. They talk about Angie, too, when she's not home. They make fun of her, they say she's a bad interpreter. There are some deaf people who don't like hearing people who join the deaf community, even those who work as teachers and interpreters. Some hearing people are accepted if they have a family member who is deaf and they are good at ASL."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's more of the Deaf Power bullshit I heard at Gallaudet. The deaf community needs hearing people, too--they contribute a lot as interpreters and teachers, and they also add diversity to the group. It doesn't make sense to greet a newcomer to the deaf community with hostility."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't spend a lot of time with Angie, though. She has a boyfriend. Everyone except me has a boyfriend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like a boyfriend also?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but I don't know where to start. I'm new here, and I don't know many people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You mentioned Tom..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought about that, but Tom only has eyes for Rachel. I can tell by the way he looks at her, he's got quite a crush on her. I don't see what's so great about Rachel. She's pretty, I guess. Maybe I'm jealous."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Some men find it difficult to approach a woman."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can't make the first step and approach Tom. I couldn't do that. I can talk to him at work, but I couldn't ask him out. Lately, I can't even talk to him about work-related stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes, I'm uncomfortable around people I'm attracted to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. You don't have to ask him out on a date. You can suggest going out for coffee. Get to know him. Maybe you can become friends..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What if he doesn't like me? I don't want to make a fool of myself, throwing myself at someone who's not interested. Even worse, what if he says yes only because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? I don't want a pity date."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's hard to get to know someone. But it's always self-defeating to play \"what if\" games. You and Tom could hit it off and became good friends."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but there are a lot of jerks out there pretending to be nice guys--like Daryl. Did you see that movie, \"In the Company of Men?\" Both of those guys were awful, but Chad--the handsome blond--was total scum. I hate to admit it, but I probably would have fallen for Chad. He put on such a convincing act. He knew all the right things to say and do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel about the way the deaf woman was portrayed in that movie?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know some deaf people who didn't like the performance of Stacy Edwards, the actress who played the deaf woman, because she isn't really deaf. Some deaf activists find that's as offensive as Al Jolson putting on blackface or Mickey Rooney playing the Japanese landlord in \"Breakfast at Tiffany's.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Deaf activists complain about everything. I thought Stacy Edwards was very believable; she signed and acted like a deaf person. She acted well with her eyes and facial expressions. The character Christine didn't seem like a passive victim to me. She was a real person with faults, and quirks, and a sense of humor. I thought she spoke eloquently about the isolation experienced by deaf people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What were your impressions of the film in general?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Many people were shocked by it. I wasn't. I've known a lot of guys, hearing and deaf, who are like that. I thought the point of the movie was that men are reduced to that kind of ruthlessness from working in a corporate environment--they have to be that way to survive. That's why the movie was titled, \"In the Company of Men.\" Sometimes I wonder if SII is like that. I haven't been there long enough to figure it out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I also think that the movie was saying that men like Chad are deeply unhappy and always will be. There's a scene near the end where he's sitting alone in front of the TV, smoking and laughing. He was laughing, but he wasn't happy. It was a bitter and lonely scene. He had alienated everyone to preserve himself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's very insightful."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I saw that movie several times. I also want to see \"Beyond Silence,\" a foreign film about deaf parents who have a hearing daughter. I'm not sure if it's still playing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm not sure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You might be right, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "About what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I should approach Tom. If it works out, it works out. But I don't want people at work to know, especially if it turns out badly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They don't necessarily have to find out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They will, they always do. Office workers notice everything. That would be terrible--if Tom rejected me and the whole office knew. I would just die."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's just a worst-case scenario."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but I don't know if it's worth the risk. It's kind of nice to have a secret crush. You can create all these fantasies about someone you like."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like you have a very rich inner life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, that's because I don't have much of an outer life. Daydreams are sometimes better than the real thing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes they can be."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Time for me to go?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I'm afraid so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I spent the whole time talking about men! What a waste."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We're a complicated and fascinating subject."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ha! Don't flatter yourself. You're nothing more than big baboons without fur."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Or the distinctive purple bottoms."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey, that's pretty good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have a good week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You too, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Kelly."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 5th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, September 9, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nKelly? Are you all right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not feeling so good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you coming down with something?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think the clinical term is \"hangover.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'll never drink tequila again!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Those sound like famous last words."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. I feel sick to my stomach, and my head is pounding."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you go drinking last night?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No kidding! A few of us went to \"Bull Market\" after work. I was hoping Tom would come, but I didn't see him. I thought after a few drinks, I would work up enough nerve to approach him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I started off with a couple of margaritas. Then they started doing shots, so I did some, too. Someone wanted to go dancing, and we went to the Trocadero Transfer. What a place! There were some weird people there with piercings and tattoos and strange clothes. I loved it!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you have a good time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, at least what I remember. Most of the people from SII left, they said they couldn't stand the music. It was industrial-techno-dance music. I thought it was great! I could feel the floor vibrating. It was the best. I danced my ass off!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When the club was ready to close, at about one in the morning, he asked if I wanted to get coffee. I took him to my place and showed him how to work the espresso machine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You went home with him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I don't usually do that. But I was so drunk. And I think he was on something, because his eyes were big. I didn't have to say much. We never actually drank the latt��s I made."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. Did you practice safe sex?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, of course. I used condoms. I feel bad now. I've never done that before--I've never gone home with a guy I didn't know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. I'm sure you are well aware of the dangers of going home with strange men."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, you are right. That's why I took him to my place--I knew the other girls would be there. Though I didn't realize until later that if Angie wasn't home, the other two girls wouldn't hear if something was going wrong. One of them has a hearing aid, but she probably turns it off when she sleeps. That's what most deaf people do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He was so cute. And he was young, he looked like he was about sixteen. When we went to bed, he was sweet and gentle. It was really wonderful. It felt so good; I hadn't had sex in such a long time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This was something I always wanted to do--pick up some stranger in a loud club and take him home without him knowing that I was deaf. When he went to sleep, I started to worry--I was afraid he'd see the TTY and figure it out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You didn't tell him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The club was so loud, and he and I were both so messed up, I didn't think I needed to. I was going to tell him while I made the latt��s, but we ended up making out instead."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hardly slept at all last night. I left early in the morning, before he woke up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you want to see him again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. I didn't even get his name. I hope he didn't meet my roommates--I don't want him to feel like I tricked him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm really starting to worry now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "About what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think the people from work saw me--I'm pretty sure they all left before I did. I don't want them to think I'm a slut."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This morning, one of the girls winked at me and said she felt like shit, too. She looked as tired as I felt. I don't think she knew about him, though. No one else said anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hope Tom doesn't find out. I don't want him to think I'm a loose girl."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still interested in Tom?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My brain is too scrambled to think about that right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I really liked that guy--what's-his-name. All night, as I watched him sleep, I kept thinking how he looked like an angel. I had all these fantasies about him and I together, not the sex kind, but of us as a couple--I would teach him to sign, and we would go out to places together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds nice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know that's not realistic. But that has always been a fantasy of mine. It's like that movie, \"About Last Night.\" I really loved that movie. I've always hoped that would happen to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Isn't that film about a couple who try to build a relationship on a one-night-stand?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's very unrealistic. And I feel I must caution you about this practice. It may be appealing, but it can have some dire consequences. Did you see \"Looking for Mr. Goodbar?\""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "\"They look just like everyone else.\""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "\"Addam's Family\"--very good. I can kick myself now. What I did was very stupid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But do you want to see him again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, isn't that weird? I've fallen in love with the fantasy of him. I know it's probably not even close to the real thing. And he was so young. He's probably a total bonehead, just like my two roommates. I hope they won't give me a bad time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you mind if I leave early? I feel like I need a nap."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's probably a good idea. Perhaps even an aspirin or two would be good. And drink a lot of fluids--at least two full glasses of water. I'll see you next week, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I'll stay the whole fifty minutes next time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right. Take care."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 6th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, September 16, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Kelly. Please come in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm much better this week, thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm curious, what happened to the man you met last week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He has a name--Doug. He left me his name and phone number and a very nice note by the bed the next day. Angie saw him as he left, but the other two girls I live with were still asleep. Angie kidded me about it because he was so young and baby-faced. She called me a cradle-robber."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Did you call Doug?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I didn't. I can't use a conventional telephone, and I felt funny about using the relay service for that. Angie said she'd call him for me, but I felt funny about that, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you tell Angie about spending the night with Doug?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She knew about him anyway because she saw him leave, so I thought I'd come clean. I told her everything. Now, she keeps telling me that I should see him again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Since neither of us had dates last weekend, Angie took me shopping. Guess what store we went to?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Where?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good Vibrations! It was a whole store full of vibrators and dildos, and all these books about sex..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm familiar with that store...I mean I've heard of it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. Well, I was nervous when we first walked in. I never went to a place like that before. Only in San Francisco, right? I love this city. At first, I wouldn't even go into the section where the vibrators and dildos were displayed. I stayed on the side with the books and greeting cards until Angie snuck up behind me. She was holding a big dildo. It was really big! I tried to get away from her, but she kept poking at me. And then she started chasing me around the store with it. I screamed and ran away from her. I must have screamed really loud because people were looking, but they didn't look too surprised."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I went into the vibrator section to get Angie to stop chasing me. The store even had a little room where you can try out the vibrators. Angie tried to make me go in there, but I wouldn't. That was just too strange. She did talk me into buying something, though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you buy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A Hitachi Magic Wand with a special G-Spot attachment. Angie said it was the Cadillac of vibrators. It was very expensive. I hadn't planned on spending so much. But I have to say it was worth every penny."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's very...well, it's very intense. It was a little too much at first. But after a few tries, I got to really like it. It's almost as good as the real thing. Too bad it can't hug you or take you out to dinner."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I suppose if it could, men would be an endangered species."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, we'd still need you to lift heavy things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, I had forgotten about the heavy things. Does this mean you no longer have an interest in dating?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you mean the guy from the dance club?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I meant dating in general. Do you want to see Doug again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not really. I don't want to spoil the fantasy. The vibrator helps with the immediate physical need. I can tell I'm going to get really spoiled by this thing, though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've been thinking a lot about Peter, my college boyfriend...or whatever--the one who called me a nymphomaniac. I wonder if he was right about that. I wonder if I think about sex too much."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Lately, after that one-nighter, I've been thinking about sex a lot. Sometimes, I think I'm obsessed with it, like there is something wrong with me. What if I'm addicted to it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There is some dissension in the psychiatric community over whether sexual addiction really exists. A large percentage of Americans believe they are sex addicts. But a definition of a sex addict is any man or woman whose sexual behavior is compulsive in nature and harmful to their relationships and jobs. That's not a..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like Bill Clinton?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I wouldn't go so far as to diagnose him, but there are certain aspects of his behavior that resemble that of a sex addict. In addition to having affairs, sexual addiction may include the use of pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, and placing inordinate sexual demands on a partner. Some people use sex as a means of escape, the same way an addict uses drugs. Studies have linked a deficit in the neurochemistry of the limbic system in people thought to have a sex addiction. These patients have sex to restore the Dopamine levels in their brains."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I read an article about Clinton which labeled him a sex addict. That would explain a lot of things. Why else would such a smart, ambitious man ruin his life and embarrass his family by doing what he did?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sex addicts often describe their needs as overwhelming. They feel out of control. While normal people want sex, sex addicts need it and will go to extraordinary length to get it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't think I'm like that, at least not yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't think you are sex addict, Kelly. One brief encounter does not make you a sex addict. If you were to engage in compulsive sexual behavior--such as having numerous one-night-stands with strangers--I would be concerned. Such actions can have a devastating impact on your emotional and physical well-being."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I know. I was bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, I'm glad you approached me with this topic. I sense it was somewhat difficult for you to bring up. Exploring one's sexuality and need for intimacy are common concerns. But many individuals find themselves engaging in frenetic sexual activity when what they are really seeking is love and companionship. I'm concerned that in your quest to fulfill your emotional needs, you might find yourself falling into that trap."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I see what you're saying. I didn't want to tell you at first, but then I thought, \"Who else could I talk about it?\" Nice girls aren't supposed to talk about things like that, right? Before the session today, I told myself I would tell you about it and see what you thought."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel now that we've discussed this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm, I'm feeling brave, so I better tell you the other thing before I lose my nerve."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What other thing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I bought something else from Good Vibrations--a book."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What book did you get?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As I remember, it's not exclusively for gay men, though many of them may find it a useful resource. So no, I don't think it's weird."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was really embarrassed even paying for it. It was worse than buying the vibrator."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jack Morin's book is a good source of information. It's always beneficial to educate yourself about a subject that interests you. It's preferable that you learn this subject from a well-researched book written by an experienced sex therapist. Popular fiction, film, and pornography often portray sexual acts in an unrealistic and exaggerated manner."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was curious about it, about anal sex. All the things I've read about it made me wonder what it would be like. I tried it with Peter, and it grossed him out. He got back at me by telling all his friends that I liked it. I didn't enjoy it at all--it hurt a lot. It wasn't exciting like it's described in books. When Peter told his friends, they all thought it was disgusting, too. Pretty soon, everyone knew. People kept making jokes about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Peter was threatened by your sexual curiosity. Some men are intimidated by women who have a greater interest in sex than they do. I'm sure you realize that you're not the only person--and certainly not the only woman--to express an interest in anal sex. Have you read any of the research by Kinsey or Masters and Johnson? I think new editions of their books are available. I don't remember the exact numbers, but about half of the heterosexual population has tried anal intercourse at least once. From a biological standpoint, the anus has a large concentration of nerve endings and is very sensitive to stimulation. Because it is close to the genitals and contracts during orgasm, for some people, it is an erogenous area. From a psychological standpoint, anal sex is a social taboo activity that some people find exciting due to its forbidden nature."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel better now that you've said that. It's not the type of thing women are supposed to think about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're free to think about anything you like, Kelly. Acting out some of your fantasies is a different matter. But I want to caution you, anal sex is a high risk activity, particularly for the receiving partner. You should be selective with whom you chose to engage in this activity and be sure to use condoms and lots of lubricant."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I know about that. That makes it seem wrong, though--if it spreads HIV and AIDS, I shouldn't be doing it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don't recommend that you practice it casually. But if you take proper precautions and have a long-term partner, most forms of sex are relatively safe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Now if I can only find a long-term partner."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's an issue we can explore next week. We're almost out of time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Already?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, I realize you were a bit uncomfortable discussing your sexual proclivities at first. How do you feel now that we've discussed them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're right, I was a little uncomfortable at first, but I'm better now. I didn't want you to think I was a slut--not that you would think that. I felt like you were the only one I could talk to about it who wouldn't laugh at me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad you feel you can talk freely with me, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're okay, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thanks, Kelly. I have a little homework assignment for you for next week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Homework? I take it back, you're not okay. I've never heard of a therapist assigning homework. I've heard of nutty California psychiatrists giving their patients drugs and having sex with them, but homework? That takes the cake!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's a short assignment. I want you to write a list of qualities that you would look for in a friend and a partner. I would also like a list of things you want from a long-term relationship."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you mean besides sex and someone to take out the garbage?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sex and companionship are the main reasons people have relationships, but there are other compelling reasons. Are there goals you want to achieve or places you want to travel? Do you want a family? Those are some of the things that a partner can share with you. Give it some thought, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You are going to build up my hopes only to set me up for a big letdown. What are the chances of me finding someone ideal like that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand your concerns, Kelly. Dating can be a harrowing experience. Making a list of the qualities you are looking for can help you keep your wits about you. Sometimes, people who are hungry for love or who have not dated in a long time lose sight of what's really important to them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're saying you don't want me to settle for the first thing that comes along."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's one way of putting it, yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I'll write out a list for you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Take care, Kelly. I'll see you next week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Kelly."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 7th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, September 30, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Kelly. How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Better, thanks. Last week, half of SII was out sick."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you get a flu shot?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I think there are too many strains of flu around for them to do any good. And my arm hurts like hell afterward; and I always get sick anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How was your week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think Tom is a doofus. It's either that or he doesn't like me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What makes you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A few days ago, I went to lunch with Rachel, and she brought Tom along. It was meant as a surprise--she was trying to fix us up. She must have known I was interested in him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you tell her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not in so many words, but I've been spending more time at the Help Desk. I thought I'd feel him out, see if there was any interest there. I wasn't flirting really, I was just being a little extra friendly. I didn't get the sense that he was attracted to me. At lunch, he barely said anything. I could tell he was uncomfortable, and he kept giving me these funny looks. I hope he doesn't think I put Rachel up to this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Once, when I was talking to him, I touched him lightly on the arm, and he stared at my hand as if I was a leper. What's with him? Is he blind? Can't he see I'm reaching out to him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He might have been distracted or thinking about something else. Or maybe he's a little shy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know what else to do to get his attention. Maybe I should smear my body with Crisco and dance naked on his desk."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He'd be sure to notice that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know, he's pretty thick sometimes. I wonder if he doesn't like me or if my attentions make him uncomfortable. I'm about ready to give up. I've embarrassed myself enough already."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You might want to back off a little and give him a chance to approach you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He won't. I think he knows. A couple of the other programmers teased me about him, so I think the whole office knows now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Give it time, Kelly. It's difficult for men to approach women."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Even big stud-muffins like you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's a compliment, Doctor. You know you're very good-looking. Your female patients must hit on you all the time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, Kelly, but we really should spend our time on issues relating to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you find me attractive?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, as your therapist, how I feel about you as a man doesn't matter."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That means no."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's not what I said."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think most men would find me attractive?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not really pretty, am I? Not like Rachel, the girl Tom likes. My brother Mark got all the looks in our family."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you unhappy with the way you look?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Most of the time, I'm not. People always tell me I'm cute. I'm not sure if that's because I'm short or because of my voice. What they really mean is I'm not beautiful in the classic feminine way, like an actress or model...or like Rachel. I'm kind of average-looking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Standards of beauty are often subjective. There will be men who find you attractive..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, nearsighted men with brain damage who are really hard up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you feeling insecure about your looks because Tom is not returning your attentions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Isn't that stupid? Why should I care so much about what he thinks? If all he wants is a pretty girlfriend, he's not for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have a point, Kelly. But you might want to give Tom a little more time. You mentioned earlier that Tom was awkward in social situations. From what you've told me, you don't really know him well enough to determine what he wants from a woman."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He probably wants an eighteen-year old with big breasts who owns a beer bottling plant. I bet he's a putz, just like all the rest. Who needs him? I have a Hitachi Magic Wand with special G-Spot stimulator attachment. I'm invincible."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand your frustration, Kelly, but don't be so quick to dismiss Tom or anyone else you have an interest in who doesn't respond to you right away. In dating situations, men are often expected to initiate contact. This societal expectation brings with it a great deal of pressure and stress. It takes time to build up the courage to ask a woman out, or even just to talk to her."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. Maybe what he wants is a woman with normal hearing. I hadn't even thought of that until now. Looks like I'm the one that's a putz, not Tom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don't know and you're just speculating, Kelly. And if that was the case, as you said earlier, he wouldn't be right for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I could keep talking to Tom, keeping it light and friendly. I could develop a good working relationship with him, which might lead to friendship or romance. Maybe..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, you're right. I know what will happen. He'll become my friend, and then I'll have to listen to him go on and on about how he loves Rachel. It's already making me sick."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can explore other options."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not interested in anyone else right now. I can't stand the thought of another blind date."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You sound like a weary veteran."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Interesting analogy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wonder if the POWs are the ones who get married, hmm?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I sense that you have some ambivalence about dating."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I want to be a conscientious objector, but I just can't commit to my vibrator."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "One way to look for a partner is to get involved in more social activities."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you mean dances, cooking classes, and ice-cream socials?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, to name a few."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How about instead I sneak up behind Tom, give him a good whack on the head, and drag him back to my place. I'm sure that after a week of being chained to my bed, I'll start to grow on him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As I was saying, social activities will allow you to meet new people, some of whom might be prospects for romance. Putting yourself out there will also help you get your mind off Tom."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I like being social, but I don't want to join a singles group or anything like that. I think there is a deaf singles group in the city. I would never join them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joining a club with the hopes of finding a date seems artificial and forced. All the people there look desperate and sad. The personals are even worse. Angie says she's answered a few ads, and most of the people are liars."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. You don't necessarily have to join a group with the goal of finding a date. You can take a class or join a club centered around an activity that interests you. You'll meet people who share your interests--that's always a good foundation upon which to build a relationship. You might meet a prospective partner, and then again you might not, but you'll put yourself in a situation where you'll have an opportunity to meet new people."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm, yeah. I'm not going to meet anyone staying home all the time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are there classes you would like to take, or a group activity that interests you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do I have to write another list?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You haven't turned in the first one yet."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah. I'm sorry, I'll bring it in next week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you're interested in meeting people, there are a number of colleges and community organizations in San Francisco which offer courses and organize activities."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I still harbor the romantic notion that I have a soul mate out there who will magically float into my cubicle someday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You might find more immediate results if you take direct action and have a concrete idea of what qualities you seek in a partner."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How unromantic."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That may be, Kelly, but fairy-tale notions of romance have little practical value in the real world."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you'll bring me your assignment next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? You won't keep me after class?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was hoping for a spanking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very funny."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There are rumors that people at SII are into that. How bizarre."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that something you're interested in?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That sounds like a proposition."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If I don't bring in my homework next week, you'll have to spank me, or you'll lose authority."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, please."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you an over-the-knee or over-the chair kind of guy?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just bring the list in next week. We're almost out of time..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're such a tease, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 8th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, October 14, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi. I picked up that book you mentioned."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "\"Seeing Voices\" by Oliver Sacks?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I didn't recognize the title. But once I began reading, I realized that I'd read it a few years ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you think of it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Tell me, Doctor, why did you think I needed to read this book?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I thought it was interesting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think I need some old, white, hearing male to tell me that ASL is a real language and that deaf culture is just as valid as any other culture?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, I..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because I know that already. Any deaf person could have told you that. We don't need a gray-haired, ivory tower intellectual to adopt us as his pet project, so he can pat us on the head and tell us how quaint our primitive customs are."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because Sacks a hack, if you ask me. I'll bet you didn't know deaf people could rhyme. We can think for ourselves, too. We don't need validation from hearing people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It wasn't my intention to offend you, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It pisses me off that Sacks made such a big deal out of making the deaf community his latest flavor-of-the month. Next, it'll be blind people, then retards, and after that inbred people from the South. Deafies are always dumped in the same category as the mentally retarded and children raised by wolves."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I gather you didn't like the book."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're pretty smart for a hearing person, a credit to your much-maligned sociological group."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you for that ringing endorsement."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can't stand books written by academics that are so pompous and condescending. It offended me that Sacks quoted one of his colleagues, who described deafness as a curable form of mental retardation. He made this statement several times! There is ample evidence to refute the assumption that deaf people are stupid. Educators like Laurent Clerc discovered that deaf people were intelligent and capable of learning over a hundred years ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand why you might take umbrage at such assumptions. Sacks was viewing the deaf community as an outsider. As a cultural anthropologist, he needs to remain objective and to take into account societal prejudices. I don't think that Sacks personally holds the point of view that deafness is some form of mental retardation. The whole book pointed out how ridiculous that notion was. I think he was trying to portray the social obstacles that stand in the way of..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He's not sounding very objective when he reinforces outdated beliefs that the deaf can't learn."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oliver Sacks wasn't saying that deaf people are inherently mentally deficient. Before deaf education evolved into what it is today, many deaf children were denied any sort of education at all. Their linguistic abilities and mental capacity was not even given an opportunity to develop. People just assumed they couldn't learn. As the result, many deaf children were, in effect, developmentally disabled. The same thing happens to children with normal hearing who suffer severe abuse and neglect."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know that, Doctor. That's the fault of ignorant hearing people, not the fault of a deaf child. It's the tone of the book that angered me the most. Hacky-Sacks constantly expressed surprise that deaf people are not stupid. What does he know? He observed the deaf like they were lab rats for a few years, and now he thinks he's an expert. There are people who've devoted their entire lives to studying deaf culture and linguistics and who are much more qualified than he is to write about the deaf community. I saw him on a PBS special a few nights ago. When he conversed with deaf people, he didn't even attempt to sign. I've lived with deafness all my life, along with four to five million Americans. We know more about deafness and deaf culture than any cunning linguist. We can write our own history, thank you very much. I didn't think that book was very well written either. Why does nearly every goddamn page have to have two inches of footnotes? It's distracting when footnotes take up more than half the page. Most of the footnotes could have been incorporated into the text. A lot of that book is redundant and unnecessary. It reads like it was written by someone with attention deficit disorder."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you agree with Spike Lee's philosophy that only members of a minority can accurately represent their own group in literature or film?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I don't agree, but I understand why he feels that way. How do you think gays and lesbians felt twenty years ago when the American Psychiatric Association officially diagnosed homosexuality as a form of mental illness? How do you think blacks and Hispanics feel when they read a book like \"The Bell Curve\" which claims that statistical data proves they are intellectually inferior? If your ethnic or sociological group was depicted with condescension and unflattering stereotypes, even by academics, scientists, and other eggheads, you would be defensive, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand your feelings, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're a white male, what the hell do you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm Jewish, Kelly. I may not have lived in Germany during World War II, but I understand about being a minority."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And as a California psychiatrist, you're full of empathy, just like the Doctor Sack-of-Shit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It may be hard for you to believe, but I do empathize with you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I'm sorry; I'm in a bitchy mood today."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Any particular reason why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "All deafies have big chips on their shoulders. It comes naturally from having to adapt to a world of stupid hearing people. Where did the belief that deaf people are stupid come from? We have to learn your language, and ASL, and lip reading to communicate in your world, because most of you won't bother to adapt. Hearing people are the stupid ones, if you ask me. Most of them only know one language, and only a few of them know it well. They have no excuse--it's a lot easier to learn a language when you can hear it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I got a letter from my mother yesterday. That's the real reason why I'm pissed off."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did the letter say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She didn't actually say much--she doesn't have to. She found a newspaper article about a deaf woman who's younger than I am, who won a teaching award. And she sent me a picture of Marlee Matlin with her daughter. Of course, my mom is only doing it to encourage me, she's only trying to help."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I get so angry at her. I really hate her sometimes. Why does she keep telling me what a failure she thinks I am? She's either saying that I should act like a normal hearing person, or she's comparing me to over-achieving deaf people. The only way I can prove my worth is by having a normal hearing child."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you ever discussed this with your mother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I learned a long time ago that there's no use trying to reason with her. She's not happy unless she can control someone else's life. Now that Mark and I are out of the house, she has no one to nag except my father. That's why he spends so much time at the office."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My mother needs to get a life. She should sell Amway or take jazzercize. She won't work, and she doesn't really need to. Instead, she goes shopping and invents things to complain about. She likes to brag about how she devoted her life to her family, but she's not much of a wife and a mother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She was hardly ever home. She was always out shopping or playing tennis. My brother and I were raised by babysitters and maids--it's the next best thing to having a real mother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How often do you communicate with your mother?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I send greeting cards on major holidays. I only sign my name and mail it. I don't bother with a personal message anymore, because she finds a way to twist it around. If it weren't for Hallmark, I wouldn't communicate with her at all. She won't have a TTY in the house, and she hates hearing from the relay service. During my junior year at Gallaudet, I had pneumonia. My roommate had the relay service call my parents. My mother insisted that I needed to make friends with hearing people, so someone can call her in case of an emergency."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How about your father, do you interact with him at all?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not really. He seems unhappy, but he never says very much. I send him e-mail at work sometimes. I always tell him that I'm doing fine and that my job is going well. I don't feel like either of them really know me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to be closer to them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I used to want that. Up until a few years ago, I thought that if I did well in school and got a good job, they would come to accept me. But I finally realized that I was banging my head against a wall. As far as my mother is concerned, nothing I do will ever be good enough. My father is too wrapped up in his work to care. I still get jealous of the parents of other deaf people. I met a lot of hearing parents that were so warm and accepting. A lot of them learned to sign so that they could talk to their kids. I always wished I could move in with them, be a part of a real family."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought I would outgrow this kind of jealousy. It seems immature to resent anyone who comes from a supportive family. I remember I saw a picture in a newspaper of Bill Clinton hugging his daughter. I know a lot of those photos are staged, but they looked so happy. It made me sick to my stomach, but I couldn't stop staring at that picture. That's why I think I shouldn't have kids--I would be angry at them for having all the things that I didn't have. That's terrible, isn't it? What a selfish thing to say. Anyone who is that selfish shouldn't have children."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are allowed to feel jealous and have resentment. It doesn't make you a bad person, Kelly. And we are here to help you work through all these negative emotions and thoughts. Just because you get angry by staring at a picture of a happy family doesn't mean you are not allowed to have a family of your own some day. If you do decide that you don't want to have children, it shouldn't be because you're punishing yourself for being too selfish. And now that we have only a few minutes left, and I would like to talk about life partners. We touched on that subject briefly last week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah, my homework--I kept putting it off. For some reason, I didn't want to think that much about relationships. I guess I don't want to admit that long-term relationships are a lot of work. That probably means I'm not a good candidate for one."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not necessarily. I'd like you to give that writing assignment a try and bring it in next week. If you have fears or concerns about relationships, you can write about that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm glad you're not making me stay late and turn in my homework."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There's no detention in this office. Besides, I have other patients."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Lucky me. I'll bring it in next week, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "All right, Kelly. I know we've discussed some emotional issues today. How are you feeling now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My mother's love notes always put me in a bad mood for a few days. I'll be okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you need to talk about it, you can always call...oh, I guess you can't. Well, you can have the relay service contact me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't like to use the service for personal stuff like this, but I appreciate the offer."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You could e-mail me, if you feel the need to discuss this further or simply vent your feelings. My e-mail address is [email protected]."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. I'll add you to my address list and forward any good dirty jokes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you only send on the funny ones, they're always welcome. You can discuss serious issues as well. I try to respond to my messages by the next day."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Doctor Balis. I'll see you next week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Take care, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 9th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, November 4, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Kelly. How are you today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, I'm okay. Over the weekend, I...well, I haven't told anyone about what I did. It was very...well, I...I'm not sure if I should tell you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In therapy, it's important to be honest, not only with me, but with yourself. If you would like to hold off on discussing something, I can certainly understand. But if you had an incident that you find disturbing or stressful, we certainly should talk about it at some point. Remember, I'm not here to judge you, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm not sure why I'm making such a big deal of it. I'm sure you've heard worse."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don't need to worry about offending or shocking me, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe I'm the one who's shocked. I feel different, like I'm not right in the head."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to tell me what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Saturday afternoon, I had a few glasses of wine, and I was laying in bed and...hmm, I was trying out my new vibrator. I was reading one of those trashy books I like so much. I order them through the mail--I'm always too embarrassed to buy books like that from the store. Anyway, I was reading and playing with myself, and I happened to glance up, and I saw Angie standing in the doorway watching me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't even know she was home. I was so surprised, I just stared at her. Angie smiled at me and came into my bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and began kissing and touching me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How did this make you feel, Kelly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know if it was the wine, but I just...well, I froze. I let her do it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was this something you wanted?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's not like she forced me, but she didn't ask me, either."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you have any indication that Angie was attracted to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not that way. She's always friendly, and she'd hug me and rub my back, but it was never sexual. Even when we went to buy the vibrator, I didn't think that she was like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You mean a lesbian?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": ""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How did you respond?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first, I lay there, not knowing what to do. She held me and kissed me for a long time while she undressed me and ran her hands up and down over me. I found myself kissing her back, and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. She did things with her tongue that were...well, they were very different. I had no idea kissing could be so erotic. When she started working her way down, kissing my breasts and stomach, I started to get nervous. Angie picked up on it right away, like she knew what I was thinking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you want her to stop at that point?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She knew to slow down. She made the \"I love you\" sign and lay next to me with her arms around me. That's when I put her hand on me. What she did was so different. Her whole approach...it was very emotional for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Usually, sex is fast and passionate. With Peter, we couldn't wait to get our clothes off and start banging away. No one ever took the time to really look at me and get to know my body like Angie did. When she spread my legs apart, she sat up and opened me up with her fingers and looked at me. She really looked at me, and then she smiled. It was weird having her look into my eyes and then at my vagina that way. It was so personal, opened up like that was the most vulnerable way to be. At that moment, I felt this rush of warmth. I felt loved and accepted."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She used her hand, and then her mouth. When I felt her tongue down there, it was very intense, direct pressure, but different from the vibrator. My entire body was tingling. I've had men go down on me, but I didn't like it. It didn't feel good, not like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you practice safe sex?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Oh, I didn't even think of that. But I always use condoms with men."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's a good idea to use a barrier protection during oral sex as well. Good Vibrations carries those, as well as dental dams and latex gloves."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't know you had to worry about that with women."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oral sex isn't as high risk as some of the other activities, but it's a good idea to take precautions, especially with a new partner."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. I should talk to Angie about that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is this something you would like to do again?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A part of me wants to. I can't stop thinking about it. But I'm not sure if Angie wants to, though. I haven't seen much of her since then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you regret what you did?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. I don't know what I feel. I think I would calm down if I could see her again. I really want to see her, but I don't know where the hell she's been. She works long hours, and she has a lot of friends. It's not unusual not to see her for a few days."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I keep replaying what happened in my mind over and over again, and I'm always in a semi-aroused state. I wonder if this is what animals in heat feel like."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What's funny is that I haven't been able to get myself off since then. I use the vibrator on the highest setting until I feel raw and sore, and I still can't come."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is it usually difficult for you to reach an orgasm?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not by myself. I didn't come with Angie, though she went down on me for a long time. I was like I was too excited and couldn't build up enough tension to come. She eventually stopped. She said her tongue was getting tired. Angie kissed me after that, and I could taste myself on her. At first, I didn't want to kiss her right after she had done that, but I didn't want to be rude, so I did. I was surprised that I liked the taste and the way it felt. I didn't go down on her, though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you want to?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't know what to do. I felt clumsy. I asked her what I could do in return. Angie lay back and guided my hands over her breasts and the rest of her. It was interesting, touching a woman that way. It was a strange sensation, like exploring the landscape of another planet. Angie's always on a diet, but I like her body the way it is. It's womanly and beautiful. She's very soft and feminine. I should have told her that. She's so insecure about her looks and weight. I liked it when she held me, she smelled good, and her skin was soft."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Angie told me to use the vibrator on myself, but I couldn't come. She used it on herself, and I played with her breasts. I think she wanted me to suck on them, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. I loved watching her as she came. I could feel myself getting excited, the closer she got. It was as if I could feel everything she was feeling, but not directly, only in my head, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand. But I'm worried about the safe sex issue. Practicing safe sex also means not sharing sex toys. Ideally, you should each have your own. But you can clean what you've been using with soap and hot water before letting someone else play with it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. I didn't know you could catch a disease that way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's not the most common means of transmitting STDs, but it's definitely a possibility. I don't want you to take unnecessary risks, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Come to think of it, I saw a bottle of dildo shampoo, or something like that, at Good Vibes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm not an expert on sex toys..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You can borrow mine anytime."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very funny. As I was saying, I think antibacterial soap and hot water are effective cleansing agents, unless the manufacturer specifies something else. Rubbing alcohol may also be used."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I always learn something new when I come here. I don't think I should submerge the vibrator, though, especially if it's plugged in."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sure the staff at Good Vibrations can provide you with guidance on this matter."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They're all dykes. I don't have anything against them, but the militant lesbians--the ones who have a very masculine look--are kind of scary. It never occurred to me that I could be a lesbian. I always thought of myself as a heterosexual. I used to only look at men. I mean I really love men...or I used to, no matter how much they pissed me off. Now I barely notice them. I find myself looking at women all the time. When I walk down Market street, I can watch the women for hours. Women are really beautiful, at least physically. Men seem ugly and crude by comparison. I better not ogle too many women at work, I don't want them to think I am a pervert or gain a reputation..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "One sexual experience with a woman doesn't make you a lesbian, Kelly. Many people experiment sexually with members of their own gender."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't feel like a lesbian, but I'm not feeling very heterosexual these days, either. Does this make me bisexual?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don't have to decide right away. Your sexual identity is your own creation, it may change and shift. Think of sexuality as water that takes the shape of the container it's in. Your sexual feelings will evolve as you change and grow."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, you said you didn't know what you wanted when Angie first approached you. Was there a part of you that wanted her to stop?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. I don't think so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You described negative sexual encounters with your first boyfriend. Have you often felt pressured into doing things you didn't want to do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It wasn't like that, it wasn't the way it was with Daryl."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When women are programmed to be passive in bed from an early age, they often find it difficult to articulate their needs. This can be quite damaging to their sexual health and self-esteem. If you were put off by Angie's advances, could you have refused them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wasn't put off by what she did. I was surprised at first, shocked even. But it was an incredible experience."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like you enjoyed it. I'm glad it was a positive experience. But you didn't answer my question, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn't? Oh yeah, my brain's turned into Spam. What's the question again?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you didn't like what Angie was doing, could you have told her to stop? Or would you have been afraid of hurting her feelings or of making her angry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you implying that I can't say no?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, Kelly, that's..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can say no! I don't fuck everything that moves! What do you think I am? A whore?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, calm down. That's not what I meant. I'm concerned that your early sexual experiences were damaging--you described being pressured into sex, being ridiculed for your interest in it, and being betrayed by your partner. Those are all quite traumatic experiences, especially at a young age when your sexuality is just emerging. Ideally, sex is an expression of love, desire, and affection. Having sex involves a great deal of trust..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've had sex, but I haven't really made love, except maybe to Angie. It has to go both ways to be considered making love. It doesn't count if the other person is only fucking you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. I think you should talk to Angie about your experience. Find out how she felt. And you also need to discuss the safe sex issues with her."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I should track her down on campus tonight. I need to see her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you miss her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's more than that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Explain what you mean by that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't know. I just need to see her. If I leave work a little early, I could catch her as her last class is finishing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, I think we should discuss..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've got to run, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 10th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, December 2, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Kelly. What happened last week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I forgot. I'm so sorry. I've been really busy. It's crazy at work."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you been working a lot of late nights?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. You can tell by the bags under my eyes, hmm?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You do look tired, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes, when I come home from work, I'm so exhausted, I don't even know what my name is."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you feeling all right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My neck is killing me. I wonder if I should wear one of those collars--you know the ones that people in car accidents wear?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You might try using ice instead. Put some ice cubes in a plastic bag or buy an ice pack."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ice? I hadn't thought of that. Jesus, it's really killing me!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to lie down?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, that's okay. I don't want to fall asleep."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You might consider getting a new pillow--some people who have neck pain find it helpful to change the kind of pillow they sleep on. There are many different styles on the market. An osteopath or physical therapist would be able to tell you more about that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hmm. I hadn't thought of that either."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you been taking anything for the pain?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've tried just about every pain reliever you can buy. They all work at first, but I end up taking six or ten pills a day, and my stomach starts to hurt."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You must be careful with dosage when taking pain medication. Even over-the-counter brands can be dangerous, and you've already discovered they can be hard on your stomach. Have you seen a doctor about this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh god, don't even get me started. Do you know how many times I had to have the relay service call CalaCare HMO? They have to wait on hold forever. I can't tie up the relay service like that, they have other people to take care of, too. I was almost tempted to go to the Deaf Center and ask them to do it for me, but I hate asking them for anything. I would ask Angie, but she hasn't been around."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Angie? You haven't seen her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She comes by the house a few times a week, mostly to pick up her clothes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She says hi to me, but acts like nothing happened."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first, I was hurt and angry at her for ignoring me. Now I just don't care. I feel like I don't care about anything. All I can think about is my work. I even dream about work. I'm turning into my father. I used to resent him for being that way, so passive and absorbed with his job. But now I'm the same way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There's a deaf panhandler who hangs out in the BART station during rush hour. He got on the same car as me and started passing out these little cards. Have you seen these?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's a scam, you know. Most of the people that do this are not even deaf. I read that some of these \"deaf\" beggars can make up to $30,000 selling these stupid cards."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I wasn't aware of that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I always hated the deaf panhandlers the most. It's hard enough being a deaf person in a hearing world without some lazy asshole promoting the stereotype that deaf people can't take care of themselves. Most deaf people--something like eighty or ninety percent--work, you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What was your reaction when this deaf person approached you to buy these cards?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ordinarily, I would have given him hell. I would have put him on the spot and told him I'm deaf, too--why couldn't he get a job like me? But I was so tired, and my whole body ached. My head was pounding, and he reeked of stale beer. He was clowning around in the car, and people were staring at him. I gave him a dollar just so he would get his smelly ass off the train."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm turning into a doormat. All the life has been drained from me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Last week, I told my mother I was feeling sick and couldn't come for Thanksgiving. We usually just eat out anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do over the holidays?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I took some work home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "During the afternoon, I had a craving for turkey. Maybe it was homesickness or something like that. I went to Boston Market. I saw a lot of old people there, eating alone. It was depressing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you been eating enough? You look like you've lost weight."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know what my mother used to tell me? She would say I was good when I left food on my plate. She didn't want a fat daughter. Bad enough to have a deaf child, don't need her to be fat and ugly, too. That was the only time she would say something nice about me--when I didn't finish my dinner, or when I said I wasn't hungry. My mother is so obsessed about appearances, it's disgusting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My mother was so happy when I started running. She would tell me it would make me slim. The real reason I ran was to get out of the house and away from her. Of course now I can't run--it seems to make my neck hurt even more. My left shoulder hurts, too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You really should see a doctor about that, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm seeing you, aren't I?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sure your general practitioner could refer you to a physical therapist."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's such a pain in the ass to get an appointment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I could make an appointment for you..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I'll take care of it myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, it's all right to let people do things for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What's that supposed to mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I realize it's important to you to be independent, but allowing people to help you occasionally doesn't diminish your independence."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've got to do things for myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You're already doing that, Kelly. You're a very capable young woman."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't need you to tell me that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We all need support from the people around us. It's all right to accept offers of help."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don't understand. It's different when you're disabled. I know what people say about me behind my back"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you know, Kelly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Do you think that just because my ears don't work, my brain doesn't work either? I can read lips, I can pick up body language and facial expressions. I know there are people at work who think I only got the job because I'm a charity case. I'm not the poor little deaf girl. I've got to be twice as good as they are before they'll give me any respect."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think there are people at SII who look down on you because you are deaf?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know it. And not just Scott Collavito, I bet at least half the people there don't take me seriously."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can tell by the way they act around me. And I wasn't even considered for the SII Mole project."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that the project you wanted?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes! Y2K is the next big thing for the next two years at least."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I need to go."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We still have some time left."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've got to get back to my desk."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you take breaks at work?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don't have time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think a lot of the pain you're having may be stress related..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No shit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As I was saying, stress can cause tension and muscle aches. It's a good idea to get up from your desk once in a while, even for a few minutes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can't do that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can at least stand up and stretch a bit."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I used to do that, but stretching seems to make it worse. It hurts all the time. It's really bad by the end of the day, I can barely turn my head."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes you need to take time to relax, especially when you're under stress. You also need to watch your dosage on the pain medication and eat regular meals at regular intervals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And brush and floss after each one. And wear clean underwear, with no holes in it, because I might get into an accident. And what kind of mother would allow her daughter to wear underwear like that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, I'm concerned you're not taking care of yourself. Did you eat lunch today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, mom, do I have to?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You really should eat something..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So I can get fat and ugly, and never find a husband, and become an old bag living alone with no one to talk to but her cat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, please. For one thing, your stomach aches are probably due to you taking the pain medication on an empty stomach. I'm going to call CalaCare and get you an appointment this week, all right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I'm a big girl now, I can do that myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'd like to do it for you, Kelly. I don't want you to let this condition go on untreated."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Only if you say please."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Pretty please."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "With sugar on it. And kiss my feet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very funny."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Kiss my big toe. It's clean. I didn't step in anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll make the call this afternoon."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Go ahead if you want to, but you won't get through. No one can."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let me try."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "All right. Bye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Kelly."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Transcript of 11th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Kelly Wiseling, Wednesday, December 9, 1998 at 2:00 pm.\nHello, Kelly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You must have magical powers, Doctor Balis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Pardon?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can't believe you actually got me an appointment with CalaCare HMO. I'm very impressed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you did see a doctor?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, they set me up with a general practitioner. The primary care physician referred me to a chiropractor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A chiropractor? Really?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I was surprised, too. My primary care physician said that acupuncture and chiropractic care are much more effective than western medicine when it comes to pain like mine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Is your neck better now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, it is. It's still a little sore and stiff, but it's much better than it was before. It's such a relief not to have that constant pain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad to hear that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me too. At first, I thought this guy was a quack. I'd never been to a chiropractor before. When I first walked into Doctor Canaan's office, I thought, \"This guy is really weird.\" He had an office on Chestnut Street, in the Marina District, which--as I'm sure you know--is an upscale neighborhood full of yuppies. I saw a lot of overdecorated storefronts there, but his office was something else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was...well, it was weird, like some new-age barn. Everything was made of an unfinished wood. The rooms had high ceilings and these spotlights, but everything was dimly lit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And it smelled funny, too, like a musky perfume."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Incense?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, maybe that was it. I was put off by him too at first."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doctor Canaan's very intense-looking. I thought he was mad at something, but maybe that's just the way his face is because once I started talking to him, he was very personable. He had a thick accent--some sort of European accent. I had a hard time understanding him. He was nice, though. He wrote down some things that I didn't understand, but he didn't make a big deal of my deafness. And he had a nice touch. His hands were warm. Why is it that most doctors always have cold hands? Well, at least the ones I see."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So your spine adjustment went well?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It startled me, especially the part where he did my neck, but I felt much better afterward. I was in such a good mood when I left that I walked home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You walked home? From Chestnut Street? Don't you live in the Richmond District?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, it was a nice long walk, and the stars were bright. I cut through the Presidio."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That's not a wise thing to do, Kelly, especially at night."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was okay, I was in a safe neighborhood. Besides, I really wanted to get out and walk. I hadn't had any exercise in several days because I was in so much pain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did your chiropractor recommend any exercises for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, he gave me a Xerox handout, but I haven't had time to read it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven't had time, Doctor Balis. I barely had time to eat and sleep. Besides, I'm going to see him again today, after work."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, he recommended that I come back for a follow-up. I'm still having pain, though not as much as before. I'm looking forward to it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm glad you were able to get treatment for your neck. How was your week otherwise?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was okay. The usual, you know, working a lot. Last Friday, I actually left the office at five o'clock so I could go out and do something. I went to a Christmas party at the Deaf Center with my roommates. I don't usually like to go out with them, but it was Friday night, and I didn't feel like staying home. So I thought, why not?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How was it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was okay. In many ways it's like a high school dance. I saw a lot of people I knew. When the party started, they had a woman performing this type of dance where they use ASL to interpret song lyrics. The signs are incorporated into classical and modern dance styles. The performer was very good. I had heard about her before, and that was why I wanted to come."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "While she was performing, my stupid roommates were making fun of this guy. I now call them \"Deaf and Dumb\" with an emphasis on the dumb. They're like teenagers--when two or more of them get together, their collective I.Q. goes down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. How did you respond?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I gave them a couple of dirty looks, but those two monkeys couldn't take a hint. The boy had a broad face, his eyes were widely-spaced, and his eyebrows grew together. He had one blue eye and one brown eye. The blue eye was a very bright blue. It was hard not to stare at it, it was very striking. He also had gray streaks in his hair; his hair was dark so the streaks stood out. Later, Angie told me he had Waardenburg's Syndrome."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. That's quite a rare genetic disorder. I've read about it in medical texts, but have never actually seen anyone who had it. Only a very small percentage of the deaf population has Waardenburg's."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, that's what Angie said. She showed me some stuff on the Internet about Waardenburg's Syndrome after the party. It was interesting. I felt bad about not approaching him. I usually don't have a problem going up to someone, but I felt funny about saying hello to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because of his appearance?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, that wasn't it. He looked different, but it was actually quite attractive. I didn't want to seem like I was feeling sorry for him. Most disabled people are sensitive to that. I did feel sorry for him--he didn't join in the party, he was by himself. Angie had seen him around the campus a few time before. She said his family was new to the area."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For some reason, I've been thinking about him a lot. I keep remembering his eye, that one bright blue eye. I wonder if he feels isolated."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that how you felt when you first came to San Francisco?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, and I still do sometimes. Even with the Deaf Center and my roommates, it was hard the first few weeks. Getting the job at SII really helped. Even if I don't talk to that many people, I like being around them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Did you enjoy the party?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was okay. I liked watching the performance. I didn't stay long. That guy and my idiot roommates put me in a strange mood."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That Angie's a weird one. I don't think I like her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My roommates said that Angie's boyfriend was a lie. She doesn't even have one. She made one up so she could seem normal. Why would anyone make up a story like that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Any number of reasons--insecurity, wanting to seem like everyone else..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but that's the sort of thing a teenage girl lies about. Angie's almost thirty. And she did something else that bugged me. She came home a little after I did that night, after the dance. I was washing dishes, and she started telling me about her day. She put her arm around me and put her hand on my ass. The way she was pressing up against me, it was like she wanted to...well, you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I backed away from her and went to my room."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did Angie react?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She asked if she could come in, but I said no and locked the door."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel so stupid. Just a few weeks ago, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Why was I so hung up on her? She's not even that cute."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You've said that your first sexual experience with a woman--with Angie--was very emotional."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, it was for me. I guess that's why I was so into her. It's like I was on drugs, or drunk, or something. Now I see her and think to myself, \"So what?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel so stupid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Infatuation is common among people of all ages. It's not unusual to develop emotions toward someone after a single sexual encounter. You don't need to beat yourself up about it, Kelly. But I do want to caution you about having casual sex when what you truly desire is a relationship..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Kelly, I'm going on vacation for the next few weeks. If you need to talk to someone in my absence, Doctor Whitestone will be filling in for me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How long will you be gone?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'll be out until the first of February."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "February! That's almost two months."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I'll be taking an extended vacation."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That's one hell of a vacation. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It's something that came up recently."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is this because of what happened to your dad?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I do want to spend time with my family, yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, okay. Hope you have a good holiday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, Kelly. Goodbye."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 1 Transcript\n01- Patient #12-D-10 (Sam)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "New patient. Session 1. Female, mid-20s, no history of psychological counseling. She was skittish when making her appointment. Condition unknown.\nCome in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr Bright? Um yes hi I’m here for a session, for a therapy session that is. Two o’clock, I have a two o’clock appointment. It’s my first time. In therapy I mean, that’s…probably obvious. I’m Sam, Samantha, my name is Samantha Barnes but you can call me Sam. Or Samantha. Either one is fine, whatever you’re comfortable with. It’s your office."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Which would you prefer?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh Sam, I suppose, if I had to pick."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well Sam, why don’t you come in?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, gosh sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please, take a seat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t have to lie down do I? I never understood that. Freud is so insistent about it and it just always seemed so…weird."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, you’re not required to lie down. What did you mean by that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "By what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That comment about Freud."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, that. Um, nothing, I didn’t mean anything by it. I mean, I don’t know Freud personally or anything. I- I mean it’s not a personal interest of mine. I- I probably just read something somewhere about Freud and his intense need for people to lie down while talking to him. I’m a researcher so I spend a lot of time on the computer and you know the Internet, just full of information…so, yes I probably just read about Freud while I was doing my…Internet…ing. I mean, I’m sure you know all about Freud, being a psychiatrist and all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve read his works, yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right well so that’s uh- that’s a relief. That I don’t have to lie down that is. Just…seems silly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So, Sam, how are you feeling today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good. I’m good, uhh great yeah uhh, things are great."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is there anything in particular that’s on your mind?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No no, not really. I don’t really need therapy or anything. I mean I’m not, you know, depressed or suicidal. I mean, I have a nice life. A job I like, a nice apartment, a- a very understanding cat. Things are good. I just, um, yeah I saw your- your listing in the paper and it looked intriguing, that’s all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What about it intrigued you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, ‘Therapy for the strange and unusual’? I just…it sounded, well, unusual."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you like things that are unusual?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No I, I would not, I would not say that, exactly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then why did the listing attract you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What did you, what did you mean by it? I mean, why put a listing in the paper for therapy in the first place? It seems a- a little weird."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve learned that some people have problems that aren’t exactly found in psychology textbooks and a lot of those people don’t know where to turn for help. That’s where I come in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean? What, what kinds of problems?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m afraid I can’t discuss any of my past or present patients."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, right, of course you can’t, I’m sorry. It’s just…I think I might qualify for that? For the…the strange and unusual?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh? Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well ever since I was a kid… wait you can’t tell anyone about this, right? I mean the same patient-doctor confidentiality agreement still applies?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. I can’t tell anyone what you tell me in this office."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you can’t report me to any law enforcement or government agency or anything, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, if you’ve hurt someone or plan to, I would have-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, no, no, no I, oh god it’s nothing like that, it’s just (takes a breath) well, okay you will probably think that I am completely insane. I mean I think I’m completely insane, I have thought for fifteen years but well…here’s the thing. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been able to do this- this thing that for all intents and purposes should not be possible. And I’ve read every book that I can get my hands on and I have scoured what feels like the entire Internet and I’ve never come across any kind of explanation for it…and you probably will not believe me but, essentially, unbelievably…I can time travel. And it sucks!\nWhat? No I mean it’s- wait, aren’t you just a little bit curious about the whole ‘I can time travel’ thing, I mean doesn’t that seem a little weird to you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It is certainly…atypical but no stranger than anything else I’ve ever heard."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow. Wow that’s- really? I guess that’s sort of- sort of comforting. Have you- have you ever met anyone that- that can do what I do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m afraid that pesky doctor-patient confidentiality means that-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, of course. That makes sense. It would just be nice to know if someone had the same condition."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Condition. Why do you call it that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it’s sort of…involuntary? I mean, it’s not like I hop into the TARDIS and sail off through time. I just go - unexpectedly at any time. I- I don’t have a choice, it just happens."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you elaborate on that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I get this sort of lightheaded dizzy feeling and then…my vision go hazy and I get this like this weird intense tightness in my chest? And, and poof! I disappear, or at least I assume I disappear. I mean, I don’t know, I’ve never seen it from the other side. Obviously. And then I, you know, just reappear. Usually just a few minutes later, regardless of how much time I spend in the other place."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And no one has even seen this happen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I just tend to avoid…um. People."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t have family? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Friends?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My parents are dead. Umm and I’m an only child so…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Where do you go when you disappear? Or, I suppose I should ask, when?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I go everywhere, every time I mean. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes it’s significant historical events, sometimes there isn’t another living soul around. I really have seen Freud though. I’ve accidentally sat in on a few of his sessions. Those trips are okay. Not too eventful but usually pretty interesting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And Freud doesn’t mind the intrusion?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How could he?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He couldn’t see me. They can never see me, I’m just there. It’s like being stuck inside someone else’s memory or something. I can move around but I can’t talk. I’m basically a ghost. Or, like, a reverse ghost. Not dead but invisible. Or, well, not even born yet I guess. Ugh, I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That- that must be difficult."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s horrible."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you say this has been happening since you were a child?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I think I was, um, 10 years old when it first happened? I was so scared, um, but- but it was also kind of exciting too. I remember I went back to ancient Greece. It was- it was really cool to be honest. When I came back, I thought I’d just fallen asleep and had the most vivid dream ever. Um, the second time it happened I knew I wasn’t just dreaming."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And when was that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About a year later. The trips didn’t happen very frequently when they first started but, um, when- when I was a teenager they uhhh they started happening all the time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think the trips increased?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "May I ask, what happens on these trips? You begin to feel ill, you disappear, and then …what happens next?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, um, I open my eyes and I’m somewhere else. Sometimes it takes me a little while to figure out where exactly, especially if I’m out in the countryside or there’s no one else around. But sometimes it’s really obvious, like Greece was or Victorian England or the Civil War. Oh god, that was very loud."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It must be very interesting. Seeing these things that are only familiar to us through history books. You get to witness events that no one else does."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess. It was definitely really at first but umm now I’m just tired. I honestly think I would just prefer to go to an IMAX movie. It’d probably smell a lot better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m curious Sam, why come to therapy now? After all these years?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know, just fed up I guess. This week I turned twenty five. And my parents…well, in their will…well I got the rest of the family money on my twenty fifth birthday. And it’s a lot of money and you know, what- what am I supposed to do with it? Share it with all the friends that I don’t have? Save it for a big wedding that will never happen? I mean what’s the point of buying a nice house or traveling around the world if I can’t enjoy any of it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why wouldn’t you be able to enjoy any of it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because I can’t enjoy anything! I’m terrified all the time. When I’m not actively disappearing I’m worried about disappearing. I’m worried about, about being caught, about hurting someone, about not coming back. When I go away, I’m nowhere. I’m invisible. I’m no one. And it’s not better here, where I have no life, no friends. I don’t exist anywhere! I’m so scared of everything and I’m starting. To lose. My mind!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, Sam you do exist. You’re here. Right now. With me. You are important and you are a part of this world, even though it seems like you can simply vanish, you will never truly-Sam? Are you alright? You look very pale."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I- I don’t believe this. Of all the times. Oh god I’m so sorry about thi-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Patient grew increasingly panicked and vanished. No sign of a vortex or any other manipulation of space. Her person flickered slightly before disappearing but there were no other symptoms beyond a paleness in her face. I’ve never seen anything like it.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 2 Transcript\n02 - Patient #11-A-7 (Caleb)\nPatient number 11-A-7, session 9. Male, 16 years of age, with the abilities of a highly advanced empath. So far he’s made very little progress in controlling this ability. Sessions have been quite challenging as a result, for obvious reasons.\nCaleb, come in.\nIt’s very nice to see you. How have you been?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine, I guess.\nYeah.\nIt was fine. We won."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s wonderful. That must have made you happy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was everyone on the team excited about winning?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, everyone was pretty excited. It was really…it was really loud."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "People were shouting? Or, do you mean it was loud for you internally? I know you’ve had problems with post-game gatherings in the past."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was just loud."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How was school this week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was alright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You had a big presentation in English class? Isn’t that right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did it go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was ok."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Remind me – what was the topic?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Macbeth.\nIt was okay I guess. I- I didn’t really the witches – they were really creepy and I didn’t really like the whole “free will thing”.\nWell, Mr. Collins was talking about how the witches take away Macbeth's free will by, like, tempting him to kill the king and make him confused and stuff?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you agree?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you agree that the witches took away Macbeth's free will?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. Not- not really – all they did was make a bunch of prophecies that they knew Macbeth would like. I mean, he was still the one that killed people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Him and Lady Macbeth, many would say."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, and Lady Macbeth. I didn’t really like her either."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, she’s not a very likable character."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just don’t think that’s possible - making someone do something, just because you know what’s going on in their head. Macbeth was already ambitious; the witches couldn’t control him just because they knew that, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you think?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, I don’t think they could."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Remember, in the same way that Macbeth chose to murder; the witches and Lady Macbeth choose to manipulate. It doesn’t matter what information you have. It’s about what you choose to do with it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, are you worried about making someone do something they don’t want to do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I just…I think I made something worse."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you think you made worse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There’s this kid in my year, he’s like a total loser-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, remember, don’t use insults to connect to people."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Continue."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So this kid is one of those weird emo types- sorry - he’s different I guess. He’s in every one of my classes and he’s always drawing these pictures and listening to like- like, stupid, sad folk music. And it’s so fucking distracting. I-I’m sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s alright. It’s good to express your frustrations. Does this boy – what’s his name?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Adam."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does Adam bother you during class? Talk to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really, no."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you find him distracting?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I mean he’s just…he’s so sad, like all the time. And it-it-it’s…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And it makes you sad?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, no shit. It makes me sad. Whenever he’s in the room I can’t feel anything else. I-I just feel his- his stupid emo-ness crawling all over me and it’s just- it’s not fair, okay? I don’t care that he’s sad, a lot of people are sad, just fucking deal with it! What does it have to do with me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Remember what we talked about, Caleb. Responding with anger is not productive."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I know you say that, but I think- I think you’re wrong. When I get angry the other stuff goes away."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you’re not dealing with it. You’re overpowering it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why is that a bad thing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because it’s a temporary solution. Caleb, you have a wonderful gift. Being able to feel other people’s emotions is something many people would be thankful for. I know it would certainly make my job a lot easier. When you try to drown that out with anger and frustration, you muddy the waters. You need to learn to take in each feeling and balance them alongside your own emotions. I know that’s easier said than done."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No kidding. I can’t balance shit if I’m walking down a hallway of a hundred students who all have their own stupid problems and emotions. It’s just, it’s like, suffocating, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Other students’ problems are not stupid. Everyone had their own burdens to bear-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, so why should I have to bear all of them? I didn’t ask for this! I don’t wanna- I don’t wanna deal with this anymore!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your mother told me she wants to get you at home tutoring. I know you have an easier time with adults. Have you considered taking her up on her offer?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wouldn’t be able to play on the football team, if I did home school. Adults are better, but spending all day with one person is hard. I started feeling only what they are feeling and I don’t like that. It’s like- like having someone else inside of my chest, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. I have to say I’m surprised you find football enjoyable still. Don’t your teammates’ emotions get in the way of the game?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. Look, it’s easier when everyone is feeling the same thing. Football is intense. But it’s- I don’t know, it’s comfortable. It’s simple."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hmm. You said that when Adam is in the room you can’t feel anything else. Do you mean his are the only other emotions that you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, pretty much. He just sort of…drowns everything else out.\nNo, of course I’m not happy about it, that’s literally the point. I can’t be happy because he’s so miserable."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you know why he’s sad?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, how the fuck would I know that, I’m not a mind-reader! Look, I just- I just know that he’s sad.\nSounds a little gay when you when you put it like that, but yeah I guess…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So does Adam sadness have a special color to it? Is he sad over his grades? His family?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I said, I’m not a mind reader. But I mean, I don’t know, it’s pretty general. He’s lonely, I guess. Yeah, he feels alone. He doesn’t have a lot of friends, so I guess that makes sense. Actually I don’t think he has, like, any friends…so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps that’s why you only feel him when he’s around. His loneliness isolates you from feeling anything else."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, maybe. I mean- look, people are sad and lonely all the time, it’s high school. He’s just- he’s just different for some reason."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you made something worse this week? Did that have to do with Adam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Um yeah. Yeah it did."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, we did our presentations on Macbeth. Mine went pretty okay. I mean, I basically just read off the Spark Notes for it, so…what? Everyone does it. Anyway, he gets up there and he gives this, like, really long, really weird presentation about the witches and symbolism and and King James and I don’t know. I didn’t really understand any of it. It seemed pretty smart, I guess. Mr. Collins was impressed. But all of us were like “who does this nerd think he is?”. It was just really show-off-y."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And that bothered you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I mean, a little. It wa just- it was just really annoying but at least he wasn’t sad during it. He was just focused. So, you know, that was a little bit of a relief. But it bothered some of the other guys."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What other guys?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Some of the guys from the team. They were giving him a hard time about it after class, calling him names and stuff, pushing him around. You know?\nNo, I mean, why would I want to make him worse? It was just going to make me feel worse."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And did you? Feel worse?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I did. I mean he was just starting to get really sad again and really angry. The dude’s got a lot of anger. Like, way more than I would have thought. And it was making me really mad. So, I asked them to stop bothering him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And did they?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, they walked away."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t understand the problem then. It sounds like you did a really good thing, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, except- expect when I told them to back off. I said “leave him alone the dude’s sad enough as it is. Can’t you see that? He just- he wants to be left alone.” Andthen look on his face, he just looked so embarrassed and I could feel him getting even more depressed. And scared. I just- I think it was the wrong thing to say. And now I’ve made him sad and scared. I was just trying to help and I’ve just made him feel worse."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes, people don’t want others to see their sadness. He probably thought he was hiding it well and the fact that you noticed frightened him. It brought into focus just how unhappy he is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "See what I mean? I knew how he was feeling and instead of fixing it, I made him more unhappy. You’re always talking about this like it’s some sort of stupid gift, that I can help people. But I always just fuck things up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s because you haven’t learned how to control it yet. You’re so young and you’re dealing with so many of your own emotions that handling others’ is going to be overwhelming. Being a teenager is hard, you know that. I’ve said before that I think this ability get easier as you grow older-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know, I know. Being a teenager is rough, there are hormones and all that stuff, blah, blah, blah. That doesn’t change the fact that I suck. It’s not an excuse. Someone was sad and then I opened my mouth and now they’re sadder. And I don’t know what he’s going to do or how he’s gonna react, or if he spent the whole weekend thinking about it- and would you stop that! I can feel your fucking pity bleeding out of you and I don’t need it! I’m not some pathetic emotional loser, okay? I’m not like him!\nYeah. Yeah. Right. Sure. Look I’m sorry, I just- your feelings are normally pretty quiet and- so, it just surprised me, that’s all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. I think you are being too hard on yourself. You are not responsible for what other people feel. But, as I was saying earlier, you can choose how to respond to it. You need to get these outbursts under control. Think before you speak. And that will only be possible if you learn to filter the incoming emotions. I think it’s possible you’re not in control of your own feelings because they are being overpowered by others, that’s why you need to learn to balance them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah I know. I just- I don’t want anyone to get hurt. That’s all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have an idea. I think you’ve been given a unique opportunity."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Awesome, more unique opportunities…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you couldn’t do what you could do, do you think you would have noticed that Adam felt worse after you intervened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I guess not. But, I wouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place if I couldn’t do what I do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just mean that you know now, that he’s feeling worse. And maybe you can help make that better. Make the choice. I think you should talk to him on Monday. Try and become friends."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why the hell would I do that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said yourself that he’s lonely. He could probably use someone who understands what’s going on with him. And it might help whatever misplaced feeling of guilt you have if you befriend him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Using my ability to make someone feel a certain way is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. Isn’t that an abuse of power or something?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Adam’s feelings are having a profound effect on you for a reason. I think you owe it to both him and yourself to find out what that reason is. If his emotions are so overpowering, perhaps it will help you learn focus and control to get some one-on-one time with him. Learn to contain both his feeling and yours."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. That sounds a little- sounds a little weird to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Promise me you’ll at least try? Ask him to have lunch with you this week and try to get to know him. Focus on the feelings that are coming from him and see if you can control how much it affects you. Will you do that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay. I mean I’ll try."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you. Now, let’s work on your mediation exercises.\n(time passes)\nAlright, Caleb. I think that’s enough for today. Do your exercises at home and remember what we talked about. Make contact with Adam this week and see what comes of it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. I’ll see you next week.\nEnd of session 9. Interesting progress today. Subject showed increased focus in his exercises after venting about a fellow student. I’ve encouraged him to pursue a friendship and I posit that the results will be very telling.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "EPISODE 29 TRANSCRIPT\n29 - Sam, Setpember 13th"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi, Joan. Oh, and you must be Frank. Hi, I’m Sam.\nLikewise."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, you’re back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m back.\nYou too, Frank. Chloe, I’ll come by the dorms later?\nYeah, that sounds good. Thanks. I didn’t mean to just show up like this-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, it’s fine. Why don’t you go into my office."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, yeah. See you guys later."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah, would you help Frank set up an appointment time?\nI’m happy to, Frank. And you don’t need to keep calling me ma’am.\nOkay. We’ll talk on the phone later this week.\nWhen did you get in?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just now. I haven’t stopped at home yet. I-I wanted to check in on Darwin first. Well, and you. It’s been a while since we’ve talked."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It has. Darwin is good. He’s at my apartment right now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you for taking care of him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. Sam, why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It wasn’t really planned. I just- the past couple weeks have been bad and then I got back from a long trip last night and I just started driving back here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Where were you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "On my trip or where I drove from?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your trip."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. The mountains somewhere. No people. It’s…been a lot of that recently."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why was the trip so long?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I couldn’t get back. I couldn’t calm down long enough to get myself back."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, are you alright?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. No. I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you want to talk about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What, are you still my therapist?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I think performing a prison break together means we’ve moved past doctor-patient. But I’d like to think we’re still friends. Even though…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Even though I haven’t contacted you in a month."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How’s The AM?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine. They had me consult on a few of their projects."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really? What kinds of projects?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I haven’t been working with atypicals there. But the Director has shared some research with me. It’s always good to get another pair of eyes on something."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And that’s all you are? Another pair of eyes?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For the time being."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What does that mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The Director - Wadsworth - wants me back. I’ve told her in no uncertain terms that that won’t happen but I’m not sure it will always be a choice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jeez. What are you worried they would do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you are worried."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are they looking for Mark?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not exactly. They have feelers out but apparently he’s not a top priority."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I find that hard to believe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wadsworth says they’re willing to let it go as long as he doesn’t abuse his power."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you believe her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. But I don’t think they’ll try to imprison him again. Even still, I think it’s important to stay in their good graces. Or at least not actively piss them off."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess we did get off pretty scot-free considering."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We did. I think your extended road trip was a good idea. They’ve been asking about you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do they know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That you exist. And that you have things under control. They won’t hurt you. Though you may have Agent Green or someone checking in on you from time to time, which is incredibly annoying."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can live with that, I’m sure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just- who would have thought that walking into a therapist’s office nine months ago would have led to this? I just wanted someone to talk to and now I’m tied up in secret government agencies and time travel conspiracies-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "To be fair, you were always tied up in time travel-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-and now trying to track down two super-powered fugitives. I- I just wanted a little bit of normalcy and I got…all this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, don’t be. Things are better now. I think. Or they were starting to be. But it just feels a little doomed, you know? That just by the very fact that I’m atypical, I’m going to have to put up with all this crazy scifi stuff forever."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe said something similar. Do you want a drink?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, if we’re just chatting as friends, then we might as well do it over scotch."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Scotch? You keep scotch in your office?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I bought it after my second session with Damien. He had a habit of showing up at the end of the day and by the time he left…well, it was nice to have scotch on hand."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I get that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like a glass?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s 3 in the afternoon…sure.\nI’ve never had scotch before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah, right, of course. Does alcohol mix badly with your ability?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not that I know of but…well, I’ve only had a few glasses of wine in my entire life and they’ve all been in the past year."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, the, uh, wine nights with Chloe, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. She likes wine a lot. She says it slows down her “processing speed”. I guess it kind of dulls her ability a bit, makes things quieter."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Chloe and I have talked about that a little. I cautioned her against drinking too regularly. It can become…a problem with some atypicals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Self medicating?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Essentially. It does make some people calmer, dulls the senses enough that their ability isn’t so overwhelming."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I think that’s what it does for Chloe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hence my concern. When that’s the case, it’s easy to abuse drinking in order to achieve that calm. But for other atypicals, it exacerbates the problem. Makes them more vulnerable, more prone to outbursts."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. So you thought that maybe for me…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alcohol isn’t always the best thing for anxiety. And particularly given how physical your ability is…but you haven’t had problems with it before?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not on all two of the occasions, no. One glass can’t hurt. And if something goes wrong, you’re here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright. Then…cheers."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(coughing) Good lord!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not a fan?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ugh, that tastes like…gasoline mixed with coal ash."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, so not a scotch person."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess not. I think I’ll stick to tea and the occasional glass of wine. Joan…are you okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s just - you seem a little…I don’t know, agitated. Did everything go alright with Frank?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Everything’s fine, Sam. You just uh- you just caught me off guard."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry. I should have called first."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, no, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You weren’t expecting me to come back alone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I certainly didn’t expect you to track down two people all by yourself, Sam. It’s more important that you got away, explored the country a bit-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know, but you’d hoped. You’d hoped no matter how unrealistic it was. I know because I hoped too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you find any trace of them?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. And every time I stopped somewhere, I tried to ask around, see if anybody had seen them or if anything weird had happened…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve been keeping an eye on local newspapers and online forums as well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Online forums? Like, ones for conspiracy theorists?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They are not the most reliable sources of information, it’s true. But every now and then something will catch my eye."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know what you mean. I talked to a few people who’d seen things they couldn’t explain but it’s hard to know if they encountered an atypical or if they were just…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A conspiracy nut?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, exactly. Either way, it was stuff like people vanishing or lifting cars - stuff that neither Damien or Mark could do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Unless they’ve found other atypicals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think that’s likely?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know it’s something that Damien has a great deal of interest in. He was always inquiring about my other patients - what they could do, how powerful they were. He’s fascinated by other abilities."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You knew that and you sent him into a facility full of vulnerable atypicals?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As has been established, that was not my finest piece of decision making."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry. I- I think we both got caught up in rescuing Mark. We didn’t really think it through very much, did we?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not as much as we should have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But surely we’d have heard something if Damien was going around collecting atypicals like Pokemon, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Presumably. And there’s been nothing particularly suspicious on any of the paranormal subreddits-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(laughing) I’m sorry, but thinking about you on reddit is just too strange."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I no longer have The AM’s resources at my fingertips, Sam. Sometimes reddit will have to do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You could though, couldn’t you? Have access to their resources?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That would mean going back and I-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Have you really not considered it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve considered it, of course I have, but it would be moving backwards. I can’t be a part of what they do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But they know way more than us, right? I mean…I didn’t realize how small my world was. What with having traveled all over the globe and all through time, I didn’t think I needed to expand my perspective. But these past few months…I’ve had this weird tunnel vision my entire life. Yes, I’ve seen more of the world and history than most but it’s like watching a movie. I don’t actually know what the world is like, what people are like. Every time I went up to someone to show them Mark’s picture my heart would start racing and my palms would sweat and I would have to do everything I could to hold on to the present. Talking to people terrifies me. Being out in the world, in the present, terrifies me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s perfectly understandable to feel that way, Sam. But remember-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, don’t- you’re not my therapist anymore, remember?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then what does this have to do with The AM?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just that I’m beginning to understand how little I know. Not even just about the world and people but about myself. About this bigger thing that I’m a part of."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Atypicals. I always thought it was just me. Which, I realize is completely ridiculous because why would I have this unbelievable ability that defies the laws of physics and the universe if everyone else on earth was normal? But I never thought about it before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve been very isolated for a very long time, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, that’s what I’m saying. And now I want to understand other atypicals - I want to know how I fit into this population. I know I’m a Class D but what does that even really mean? What other kinds of abilities fall into Class D? Why are some people atypical? How many of us are there? How did it start?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you think The AM has the answers?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not saying I want to waltz in there and volunteer, but I just have so many questions. I’ve been on a lot of trips in the past few months, especially in the last couple of weeks, and I’ve seen some really weird stuff. And it’s made me think that maybe I haven’t been paying attention to my surroundings for a long time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What kinds of things have you seen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, there was this room where I could actually touch things and there was a man there who could see me and talk to me - I’m still not sure it wasn’t a dream but I guess he was another time traveler?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I- I entered some kind of dimensional pocket or something. Like, an in-between place. I don’t know, I wasn’t there for very long."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A dimensional pocket…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, there were no doors or walls or light at all. It was like a vacuum."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That is highly irregular."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My life is highly irregular."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fair enough."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And then, last week, I was in a jungle somewhere - maybe the Amazon? I thought I recognized one or two of the bird species…but anyway, I’m not sure what century it was but I came across a group of people, some kind of tribe, and…well, I didn’t understand anything they were saying, they weren’t speaking any language that I recognized but…they were. It was unbelievable, there were seven atypicals with them. At least."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Seven? Out of how many?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Twenty? Maybe? And the atpycials were just…part of the group. They were lighting fires and moving large branches to make shelters-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A pyrokinetic and a telekinetic-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, and I think some of them could communicate non-verbally, so telepaths too. And it was so seamless - the atypicals and the regular people working together. It didn’t seem to freak anyone out, it was just part of their lives."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fascinating."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Isn’t it? I mean, how many isolated cultures are there around the world like that? Communities that are aware of atypicals and live side by side with them, take advantage of their powers. Or- I don’t know, maybe this tribe wasn’t in a recent time, maybe it was centuries ago, millennia ago, but then how did the human race go from that to just forgetting about atypicals? Was there a major decline in the population at some point, were atypicals only found in certain geographic locations? How did we go from being integrated in society to not existing publicly at all?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, Sam, slow down. Have you seen aytpicals in the past before?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not that I can remember but…it’s possible? Like I said, I’m not sure I’ve been as observant as I thought I was. But I want to be. I want to find out more about atypicals."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I can probably fill in some of the gaps. I have been studying the subject for most of my adult life after all."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’d do that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. There’s plenty of information I can give you - facts, statistics - without revealing any specifics about my other patients, past and present."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That would be great."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, I’m curious - you quit your job before you left, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you have a plan for what to do next?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. It occurred to me about thirty miles outside of the city that I was coming back to unemployment. And I understand what a luxury that is- to forget that I didn’t have a job but…I do want to do something with my life. Something productive, worthwhile."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you want to be when you grew up?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. After the trips started, I stopped thinking about the future. But when I was really little…I don’t know, I thought it’d be fun to work in a museum. I don’t much care for them now - I go sometimes to fill in the blanks of a trip - but when I was a kid, I used to love the Natural History Museum."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Me too."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I like how ordered museums are, you know? I guess that’s why I went into library science-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Find order in the chaos."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you thought about maybe doing that with atypicals?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s certainly crossed my mind recently, yeah. I wouldn’t know where to start though. And I mean, is that really a job?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Make it one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, you’re in a very unique position. As I understand it, you don’t need to work for money right now, maybe for a while - so why not take this time to start documenting atpycials through time. We have a good amount of information about atypicals existing in the world today, but having a primary source for how atypical biology has evolved through time would be invaluable. You have the research skill set already. I can guide you on some of the more scientific aspects and tell you what to look for."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And then I would take trips and try and find atypicals?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We’d have to figure out a way to determine the best places and times to travel to so you’re not jumping blind but, yes, that’s the idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s…that’s more than I expected."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You didn’t think I’d be on board with you researching this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wasn’t sure. I mean, when it first popped into my head, I thought maybe I’m not objective enough - that the fact that I’m atypical means I’m too close to the subject matter. And then I thought that maybe you wouldn’t want me to get more involved in all this stuff - I mean, this is The AM’s main purpose, right? To find out as much about atypicals as possible?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it is. But, as you said, you are involved by the very fact that you’re atypical. And I think that actually makes you perfect as a researcher - you’re uniquely suited for this work. Well, and you’re one of the only people in the world who could actually do this work."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Yeah. So…how do we do this? Make a list of potential time periods? I was thinking that maybe witch trials-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, that could definitely be a good place to start. Any time with a high level of suspicion in populations is probably worth looking for. Where have you been going recently? You said you’ve been on a lot of trips - were you trying to begin this research?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, no. Not exactly. The trips…haven’t been on purpose."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that’s partly why I came back, actually. I wasn’t comfortable driving long distances anymore."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam…are you alright?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. No. Now I guess I have to find a new therapist…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just because you aren’t officially my patient anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me things. I’m still your friend."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Still? Were we ever really friends to begin with? Oh, god, I’m sorry, that was really harsh. I just mean…well, we worked together mostly out of circumstance, right? Because we both wanted the same thing, we needed each other’s help."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam…I care about you. Not just as a former patient or someone who cares for my brother, but as a person."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That surprises you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A little. And not because I don’t care about you too - I do. I…I don’t always trust you. But I do worry about you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be, you know, happy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then should it be such a surprise that I want the same for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m just not used to that. I haven’t had people in my life who were there just because. When we were planning everything…well, I wasn’t sure if you’d still care to see me once we’d gotten Mark out. Once I stopped…you know, being useful."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Relationships aren’t about someone’s usefulness to you. We form relationships with people because we like them, we enjoy their company, we feel good around them. How about Chloe? She’s a good friend, isn’t she?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, she is. But…she’s Chloe, you know? She cares about literally every person in the world. She can’t not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She does have an unbelievably large heart. And Mark?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He also seems to have a big heart problem. But…I don’t know. I think he cares - really cares, not just because I helped him get out. But I can’t tell if I’m just remembering what I want to. I would understand if he didn’t. I failed him, you know? From the moment I met him all the way through now, I failed him. I wasn’t honest with him, I kept things from him, I couldn’t find him-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, you got him out, you kept him company-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I should have been better. It was just so new - feeling that way about someone, what you said about feeling good around someone. I didn’t know it was possible to look forward to a person that much - to talking to them, seeing their face, just being near them. And I didn’t know what to do, how to act, what to say. I should have just told him everything, told him I knew you, told him I knew who he was. That would have been the normal person thing to do. But I didn’t. Because I’m not a normal person. And I’m not even talking about the fact that I time travel. I’m just not a normal person in any sense. I’m not a whole, functioning human being. I get nauseous when I have to make a phone call or when I make eye contact with someone on the bus. I don’t know how to talk to people, I don’t know how to tell someone how I feel about them, or figure out if they feel the same way. And Mark made me feel normal because he’s so…so…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nice?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No…well, I mean, yes, he is nice but that’s not a big enough word for it, is it? He’s deeply kind and compassionate, but not in the way that Chloe is, not in that big, open heart kind of way. It’s quiet and it makes you feel special and…well, I’ve never seen him interact with any other humans, but I bet he’s really good at it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would definitely describe him as a people person, yes. Much more so than I."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, exactly! I could tell that just by being one-on-one with him - he made me feel so comfortable. He smiled at me and asked me about myself and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. He didn’t make me feel scrutinized or judged. And how did I return the favor? I lied to him and let him get kidnapped."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, you can’t take all the blame. You are not responsible for what happened to Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you are, right? You tell me not to put it all on myself but I know you’re doing the same."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right. Can we at least agree that Damien is partly responsible?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, definitely. What are we gonna do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh crap, did it just start raining?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Looks like."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh jeez, I left the top down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you- did you actually get a-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A little red convertible? Yeah, I did. Insane impulse buy. My first ever and probably my last. Not a very practical car but…I thought it’d be fun?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, don’t let it get ruined-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, yeah, I should go. Um, we’ll talk more? About the research thing? And…everything else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, we will. Call me anytime."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Bye, Joan. Have a good night."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You too, Sam. Have fun at dinner."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, yeah, um, do you-…thanks. I’ll be by to pick up Darwin after. See you.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 31 Transcript\nEPISODE 31 - friday, studio time w/ the gang\nOkay, I’m starting a new voice memo because I finally have the studio to myself and I need to talk through some stuff while it’s all still fresh in my mind. My first studio project is due at the end of next week and Patty is letting me continue work on my sculpture from last semester - the exploding head one. And I still like it but…I don’t know, I’m not feeling it as much as I was. Which I guess is a good thing but…\nAnyway, back to the task at hand-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you talking to yourself?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey, sorry to just drop by like this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No problem. You know you’re always welcome. How are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m alright. I was feeling a little cooped up in my apartment, so I decided to take a walk and my feet just carried me here, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just weird being back in my apartment after so long spent away. I guess I’d gotten used to the open road a bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s only been a week or so - give it some time. Things will get back to normal."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have absolutely no idea what normal is for me anymore."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know what you mean. It’s taken me a while and I’m still not sure I’m there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What’s your version of normal?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This. Being in school. Hanging out with my mom, and Frank, and you. Making art. Hearing people’s thoughts."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. I’m glad you’re comfortable with it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have to be. I hear voices and see stuff that’s not there - big deal. So do a lot of other people. Just because most people wouldn’t think that’s normal, doesn’t mean it can’t be."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "True. I guess it’s all about perspective."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly. What’s normal for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, time travel definitely. Disappearing at any moment has been my normal for a long time. But that’s what I mean - everything has changed so much this year, I don’t know what my new version of normal is, however weird it might be."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you been taking trips?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I took one last weekend but…I don’t know, I’m nervous about getting stuck again. I feel like I had such good control earlier this summer and now it’s like I’ve backslid or something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s not always going to be easy, Sam. I still have days when everyone’s thoughts are so loud that I have to turn off all the lights in my dorm and crawl under the covers and listen to Jose Gonzalez and not come out for hours. There are going to be bad days. But that can’t stop you from trying."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow, someone’s been paying attention in therapy. Thinking about changing majors?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not changing. Maybe doubling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah. Art therapy is a thing you know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right well, I’ve been helping out at the place Frank and I go to in my spare time and- well, not to toot my own horn - but I’m really good at it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I bet you are."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Stop thinking such nice things about me. It’s embarrassing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Then stop being such a nice person!\nWho’s that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb. I guess he and Adam are going to stop by."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh wow. Cool. Um, should I? Should I go?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why would you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. I don’t want to intrude on your Class A club or something. Or young people’s club. Isn’t he like, 17?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, Sam, he is. But you don’t become invisible to teenagers when you reach your twenties."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. It’s just-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I get it. You’re more of a one-on-one kind of person, right? But dinner with my mom and Frank last week was good, wasn’t it? Yeah, see you had fun. I know you were stressed at first but it didn’t take you that long to get comfortable. And yeah, my mom is really easy to get along with and I know you and Frank can relate to each other - I really think it would be good for you to spend more time together. I mean, I can see his thoughts but that’s different from actually experiencing combat first hand. And I know World War I and Iraq are pretty different wars, but I think you could understand him better than me when it comes to that stuff. And he doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to - the venn diagram of people who have been in wars and people who know about atypicals does not overlap much. He’s out job hunting right now but I can text him to see if he’d want to come by when he’s done? Oh no, sorry, that’s too much I guess right? Me, Caleb, Adam, and Frank - I get it, you don’t want to get too overwhelmed."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chloe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When I listen back to this I’m just gonna hear me talking for like, a minute straight, aren’t I?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sorry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s fine. It’s…efficient."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So are you cool if Caleb and Adam stop in?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’m- I'm cool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, that sounded cool."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ll be fine. I’m actually excited to meet another atypical. I mean, meeting your mom last week was so interesting. The fact that you both have Class A abilities, but not the same one…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thinking about your research project?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know I am. Was your dad atypical too?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know. I never met him. Mom doesn’t talk about him much."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ah. Sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s okay. I’ve gotten some information from her thoughts."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sneaky."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, I feel kind of weird about it but if she won’t tell me…he was a musician. And they had this like, really intense, but really short love affair and then…I don’t know, he left for a big tour and she found out she was pregnant and…that was that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She didn’t tell him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. I guess she thought he was a little too unreliable - that a flighty rock star wouldn’t make a good dad. I think she should’ve given him a chance but…well. Too late now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He died. Heroin overdose. Turns out my mom was right about the rocker lifestyle after all. Kind of a cliche I guess."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh my god, Chloe, I’m so sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not sure my mom even knows. She doesn’t think about him a lot but I looked up the band and well…there it was. About two years after I was born."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s terrible."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "At least I still have my mom. I didn’t- I wasn’t try to rub it in or anything…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, I know. It’s just…well, any talk of dead parents and I’m bound to think of my own, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. You’re still wondering if you can save them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering about it. As long as I can go back to the past, I’m going to think about saving them. I can’t not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know.\nYeah, Caleb, come on in!\nCaleb, Adam, this is Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chloe, how much have you told them?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, Caleb was curious about other atypicals…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, they broke up for a little while because Adam’s parents experimented on Frank but they’re back together. After months of pining.\nWhat? Caleb, I saw you a bunch this summer. And I can read your thoughts, remember? You were kind of a bummer to be around. And that’s coming from someone who spends most of her time with a veteran of war.\nHey you can’t get too high and mighty, either. I can hear what you’re thinking behind the teasing. It’s pretty embarrassing.\nAnyway, why are you guys here? You don’t have anything better to do on a Friday afternoon?\nWhat, why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Your parents were the ones to experiment on Frank?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Only a part of the team. But remember, they don’t work for The AM. It’s okay, you don’t have to worry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not worrying-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How much do they know about me?\nSorry, I’m just-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam isn’t used to having people know her secret, okay? Be nice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh god, you’re an empath, right? Sorry, I think this is probably my fault."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, why doesn’t everybody just take a deep breath. Caleb, grab Adam’s hand, that usually helps, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, I’m sorry this was a bad idea. I think I’m just gonna go."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, Sam, it’s okay, we’re all okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ll be back, I just need a minute, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam-\nUh- I think so. Wow, I’ve never actually seen it happen in person. That’s-\nYeah.\nUm, yeah. She is. Okay, well, I’m sure she’ll be back soon. And hopefully next time will go a little better?\nIt’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. Putting a bunch of atypicals in a room has some…challenging results, I guess.\nWhat did you do?\nWell, I’m glad you’re here. Speaking of, why can’t you guys go to your house?\nWhich means…?\nYikes.\nThat’s understandable.\nAnnabelle…that’s your aunt?\nShe looks familiar…\nYou’re picturing her right now, I can see her.\nI don’t know. I don’t think so. I can’t put my finger on it but I feel like I’ve seen her before.\nYeah…maybe. Yeah, that must be it.\nYeah, of course. Chill away.\nAdam, are you helping this one cheat?\nOh my god, this is flirting for you two isn’t it?\nMind reader, remember?\nDon’t worry, I won’t tell anyone how sickening you guys are.\nYeah, okay, fair enough.\nYou’re back!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi. Sorry about earlier. I’m feeling better now.\nI’m glad.\nYeah, I did. Um, I went to Greece. Well, an island off the coast of Greece. A couple hundred years ago. Kind of a happy place for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you picked the place?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I could feel a panic attack coming on so I decided to leave before I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Sorry for being so abrupt."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s totally fine. You’re among friends, after all."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks.\nIt was good! Nice day, sunny. The people on the island were just going about their day - farming mostly. Olives. God, I wish I could eat in other times. The food looked so good.\nI can’t do anything. That’s how it works. I’m not really there - it’s more like I’m in this bubble and I can see through it to the other times but I’m not fully in the past."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(at the same time) There are.\nYeah, that sounds about right. I’m definitely more of a dimensional traveler than a ‘time’ traveler-\nTrue. But I’ve also been to dimensions that are outside of time. I think.\nIt’s a long story but…yeah.\nThanks.\nIs that weird?\nSorry. Just…feeling the emotions of your partner that must be…well, is it helpful? To know what they’re feeling?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s not as much of a picnic as you might think. No, not your thoughts specifically Caleb, just the mind reading in general."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Would you give it up if you could?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Your abilities. If you could get rid of them, would you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, I’m with Caleb on this. It hasn’t even been a year but it’s so much a part of who I am, you know?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fifteen years.\nThere was a time when I definitely would have said yes. But…well, I’ve found ways to make the most of it I guess.\nA lot of history really sucks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So…when did you guys get back together?\nWow, you just clicked right back into things, didn’t you? Ah, kind of second honeymoon phase, huh? Missed each other a lot, so you’re just happy to be together again but you’re worried that all the same problems are going to crop up once you settle back into it. I get that. I mean, your power doesn’t just go away and neither does Adam’s depression or the fact that Adam’s parents are maybe kind of evil- but wait, it’s your ability you’re most worried about? Why…ohhhh, I didn’t even think about the physical stuff, that’s- yikes, that’s tricky-\nSorry. Sorry, none of my business.\nI’m not!\nNothing. I just- I want you guys to be happy, that’s all.\nI’m just here if you need to talk about anything.\nSure thing. Have a good weekend."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. You too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Be safe, boys!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Huh? Yeah, yeah, I’m fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, I was asking out of politeness. I know you’re not okay. Even if I couldn’t read your thoughts, you’ve been awfully quiet for the past few minutes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m a quiet person."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t think that’s true. You just think you are."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well…thoughts make us who we are, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Weirdly, I’m the last person who would ever agree to that. Thoughts lie."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, well if you know what I’m thinking then I don’t need to say anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it from you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just. All this time I felt alone because of my power. Because of how it made it impossible for me to form any kind of relationships. And then I met Dr. Bright and realized there were other people like me and I thought maybe I’d be less alone. That I could be part of a bigger group."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are part of a bigger group."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But the way you and Caleb relate to each other…both of your powers are about other people. And they fit well together- you can share in them. And so you understand each other on this new level that’s really nice - I’m really glad that you both have that but…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It made you lonely."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You have people to relate to. People who understand what it’s like to see inside someone’s head, inside their emotions. My ability is so…isolating. I can’t bring anyone with me, I can’t take pictures or record - trust me, I’ve tried - I can’t share my ability. So even when around other atypicals, even in the present, I’m still in this weird little bubble."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark was in that bubble with you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, he was. I’ve thought so much about what it would be like to share my ability with him. It makes me feel…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah. But hey, I’m still here. And even though we can’t share in each other’s power, I can still sort of relate. I mean, I’ve seen some of the trips you’ve been on - the things you’ve experienced."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. And I’m so grateful for that. For you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re jealous."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of Caleb. Of the way we were talking."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s just so easy for you guys. The back and forth - you’re so comfortable with each other. I know I’m a lot of work sometimes, and that’s why it’s so nice that you can read my mind because otherwise I’m sure talking to me would be like pulling teeth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No it wouldn’t. You’ve got to stop being so hard on yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ugh, I know. I know, I’m sorry. Well, no, you know what, I’m not sorry, because I’m dealing with a decade of self-doubt and self-loathing and I think I’m doing okay, all things considered. So I’m not going to apologize for being hard on myself because I’m human, and I make mistakes and I’ll just try to better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s the spirit! I knew that road trip was going to be good for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was. Well, it was a mixed bag, all in all. But a growing experience, for sure.\nOh, it’s Joan. One sec."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "(humming to herself) (gasps) Oh my god."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(on the phone) Okay. Yes, yeah, I’m coming over right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, I- I know where I’ve seen Adam’s aunt before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan just got a voicemail from Mark.\n[credits & music]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 30 Transcript\nepisode 30 - Friday, 9/23/16"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Friday, September 23rd, 2016, 5:45 AM. It looks to be a cloudy, but mild, day. It has been a tiring week, but a productive one. Director Wadsworth has entrusted me with the weekend shift, which she hasn't done since- well, I plan on making the most of this opportunity. But first, a jog around the block while reviewing my audio notes and then into the office I go.\nGood morning, gentlemen.\nAh, Officer Decker, I wondered if I could have a word.\nWould you come to office later? Say, around 11AM? Get Daniels to cover your post.\nVery good. See you then.\nGood morning, Director.\nYes, Director. We have one new patient coming in today to start Tier 1, but that’s all. Should be a quiet weekend.\nYou won’t need to, I promise.\nWonderful.\nLet’s see, what’s first up today…ah yes, follow up with Ms. Barnes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hello?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Barnes, it’s Agent Green."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Hi."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you today, Ms. Barnes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m fine. (beat) How are you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m quite well, thank you for asking. As we’ve discussed, I’m calling to ensure that you have not used your ability to the detriment of other humans and that no other civilians have been witness to the use of said ability."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I know, we go through this every Friday. You don’t have to say the whole spiel every time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s just protocol."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wouldn’t it just be easier if I called you if there were any problems? Isn’t it a waste of your time to hear me say that everything is fine?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not at all, Ms. Barnes. It's my job and my pleasure to make sure that all atypicals are healthy and well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And discrete."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, yes, that too. It’s for your own safety."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, trust me, I get that. I don’t want anyone seeing me disappear either."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then we’re agreed. It’s for the best that you use your power privately."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I guess we are agreed. You know, you’re different than what I expected."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Excuse me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just…these phone calls - you’re not, you know, you're not as evil as I thought you’d be."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Evil? We merely want the best for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I actually think I believe that coming from you. But that doesn’t mean you and your “organization” haven’t done terrible things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Barnes, I understand you’ve received a…skewed perspective of what we do here, but I think if you just came in and met me and saw the facility-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. No way. I know what you do to time travelers there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not sure I know what you mean."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t play dumb, Agent Green. I know what happened to Camille."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Camille was a volunteer."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sure she was."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t be discussing other patients with you, Ms. Barnes. I just need confirmation that you’ve continued to follow the modes of behavior for atypicals. Otherwise we’ll have a problem."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no- I mean, yes, of course- of course I have. I’m not going to go rogue, you don’t have to worry about me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Great. I’m glad to hear that, Ms. Barnes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are we going to do this forever?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You, or someone else from The AM, calling to check in on me every single week. It’s- it’s suffocating."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m very sorry to hear that, Ms. Barnes. The check-ins will become less frequent as time goes one. As we get to know each other."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You mean as you determine whether or not I’m a threat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We have to ensure the safety of our citizens."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you treat all of us like convicts? You act as our parole officers, making sure we don’t misbehave?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Barnes, as a citizen of this country, you are expected to follow a certain set of rules, are you not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, but-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And it is understood that if you break those rules, there will be consequences."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. But I never agreed to The AM’s set of rules."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand that. But you didn’t choose to be born in this country either. And yet you live as part of its society, and therefore follow the laws. You are part of atypical society. You are expected to behave in a way that upholds that order."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I haven’t broken any atypical rules, and yet you still check in on me like some sort of-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say you haven’t broken any rules? You helped facilitate the kidnapping of another atypical - which isn’t just a violation of our rules but of actual laws as well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ve never stepped foot near The AM. And last time I checked, kidnapping laws don't have anything to say about time travel."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And so you think you’re above them? Do you see what I mean, Ms. Barnes? Atypicals cannot think of themselves as exceptions to human laws simply because they can do exceptional things."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t think of myself as an exception, I - anyway, I didn’t kidnap anyone, I saved him. From you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, you removed an unwell man from his medical care and transported him through time without his explicit consent. That’s against our rules."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I had his consent! He wanted to get out of there!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He was unconscious at the time. There is no way to verify that he agreed to inter-dimensional travel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is unbelievable - you’re accusing me of using my power against someone when I was just trying to help a man you held hostage against his will. Mark did not volunteer for you so if there are consequences for breaking him out, you better believe there will be consequences for putting him in there in the first place."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Barnes, are you threatening a government agent?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh please, you’re not a real division of the government - they don’t acknowledge you. One data dump and you’d be destroyed. The public would condemn you and your precious government wouldn’t back you up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Barnes, I would caution you against-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Making threats? Or following through on them?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ms. Barnes, if you have plans to hack us, which would put thousands of lives in danger-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t worry, Agent Green, you’re safe. Your job is safe. At least from me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know how it works - another organization would take your place. And you know what they say: the devil you know…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry that you’ve gotten such an ugly impression of us, Ms. Barnes. It would seem entrusting atypicals to Dr. Bright’s care was in no one's best interest."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t think you’re better than her just because you’ve got government funding and a shiny badge. It doesn’t justify anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But breaking into a secure server so you can find out more about atypical biology, that’s justifiable? You’re not as good of a hacker as you think you are, Ms. Barnes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have a right to know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t disagree. I’ve long been an advocate of a more general education program. We have personalized lessons for each atypical that partakes in our programs, but there isn’t a WebMD for atypicals. I think a database like that would be- would be very useful."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So we’re on the same page."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, not exactly. Trying to get information by looking into people’s personal files is not the answer, Ms. Barnes. That is yet another violation."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So…can we agree that working together is the best option?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t trust you, Agent Green. And I definitely don’t trust your boss."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who do you trust, Ms. Barnes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are we done?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For the moment. I’ll call you next week. Goodbye, Ms,-\n-Barnes. (sighs)\n[time passes]\nCome in.\nAh yes, Officer Decker, take a seat.\nNot at all. I just wanted to ask you about some new information that’s been uncovered in the investigation.\nInto Patient 596-E-5’s escape.\nYes, I know, Officer Decker. We’re not here to discuss the events on July 2nd.\nYou were posted at Tier 5 in 2010, correct?\nRight. And did anything unusual happen during your nearly 6 years on those levels?\nOf course. It’s just, the records from Patient 596’s cell show that you used his comm box a good deal more than protocol dictates.\nNot explicitly no. But it is frowned upon, especially in the higher tiers. You patrolled those floors for years, you know how dangerous some of those individuals can be.\nStill, it’s important that we leave the patient interactions to the professionals, isn’t it?\nI know that being stationed at the main doors is probably not as exciting as your previous position, but you understand why it was necessary.\nI know that, Officer Decker. I experienced Damien’s power first hand - there's nothing that any of us could have done. What did you talk about?\nNo, with Mark.\nAnd did you share any information with him about The AM or its employees?\nOfficer Decker, I need you to be-\nI’m sorry, Officer Decker, we’ll have to pick this up at a later point. A new patient has just arrived.\nWonderful. Now, I have get up to intake and you need to get back to your post.\nHello, Ms. Atkinson. I’m Agent Green.\nDo you need anything, Ms. Atkinson? Water?\nWonderful. Then, uh, then you can call me Owen. Why don’t we sit.\nHow are you feeling today, Rose?\nThat’s perfectly normal. Now, I know we went through everything on the phone, but do you have any questions?\nWell, once I’m done with all your intake forms, we’ll take you over to our medical wing, where you’ll get a quick physical, and then we’ll show you to your room, where you can get settled in before dinner. You won’t be doing much this weekend - just meeting our other patients, getting to know our counselors. Then on Monday you’ll start with some individual and group therapy sessions and then you'll start doing workshops to help learn control.\nThat is perfectly alright. Most of the folks in our Tier 1 program are like you - their abilities aren’t so disruptive as to be dangerous, but they all want to learn a little bit more control so they can live their lives to the fullest. No one will think anything of your ability occasionally getting the better of you. Even- even the best atypicals have off days.\nWe’ve given you your own room, to try and help with that. Your dream-walking is conditional on proximity, correct?\nYour neighbors, really? Do you know what your reach’s upper limit is?\nWell, that’s something we can help you discover, if you want.\nYour brother did this program, yes?\nTier 2 is just longer. He was here for…?\nRight. And you’re signed up for three weeks, correct?\nAnd when he was done?\nA fine example of Class A genetics if you don’t mind me saying.\nSo every member of your family has benefited from this program, correct?\nBetween you and me, The AM hasn’t really figured out how to deal with precognates yet. I think your mom was a bit too cool for them.\nYou must feel lucky to come from a family that understands what you’re going through.\nWe will certainly be keeping an eye on it. But atypical biology is a little different, so we might not be able to get a definitive diagnosis.\nAnd we are very glad to have you, Rose. You’re going to learn a lot about yourself in the next few weeks. Some of it might be frightening but some of it is going to be amazing. You just have to trust us.\nWonderful. Now, let’s get started on this questionnaire, shall we?\nHello Sarah, it’s Agent Green. May I speak to Dr. Bright, please?\nSarah, it’s after 5 - she never sees patients after 5. Unless- unless she has a new patient that you haven't told us about?\nThen may I please speak with her?\nHello, Dr. Bright. How are you?\nI just tried your office, Dr. Bright, and your assistant was very unhelpful to me.\nDr. Bright-\nI’m simply checking in.\nDr. Bright, this will only take a moment, please.\nI’m just calling for your standard weekly report.\nDirector Wadsworth is very busy this week. I’m taking over a few of her responsibilities.\nI’m just helping out.\nI think you’ve managed on that front just fine, Dr. Bright. I promise you, I’m not playing mind games.\nI thought your sessions together were going quite well.\nShe said you helped one of her patients - an empath who’s been having a hard time adjusting to their ability.\nWell, apparently, Director Wadsworth took your suggestions to heart. The patient has been doing much better and they’re going to be released at the end of next week.\nYou were always better than Wadsworth at the people part of the job.\nShe wasn’t always my superior.\nSo, uh, any new patients?\nRight. Have you heard from your brother?\nFor the last time, Joan, we have not tapped your phones.\nIt wasn’t always like this, was it? This distrust between the three of us?\nNo. No, of course not. (beat) But I just though that, now that Mark is out-\nNeither can you, Joan. You haven’t called me Owen for quite a long time.\nHm. She really is getting to you, isn’t she?\nNo. No, she doesn’t do that. That’s my job. She makes it seem like she’s the answer to everything. And you always admired her more than you should have.\nThey didn’t seem that way at the time.\nDon’t you miss us? Even a little?\nBecause I am doing good work, Joan. It’s not perfect, but you need to break eggs to make an omelette-\n-and at the end of the day, I think the good we do far outweighs any harm that may occur. Not everyone gets to live happy, productive lives, Joan. If we can help the majority of people achieve something close to a good, healthy life it’s worth it. Even if it's at the cost of a few. I don’t like it anymore than you do, and I do everything I can to ensure that no one is harmed, but sometimes things happen. Sometimes they need to happen. It’s…natural selection. It isn’t pretty but that’s the way it works.\nWell, that’s a first.\nYou used to like my unswayable beliefs.\nNo, Dr. Bright. No. That will be all.\nAgent Green; Agent Green speaking.\nI can come up to your office if it’s more convenient-\nYes, I do. I was just about to lock up and do a final round though the tiers before heading home for the night.\nGood! Nervous at first but she settled in very well.\nYes, I did. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable. As I said, she was nervous-\nYes.\nIt helps them settle in better - if they’ve already talked to me on the phone, then I’m the familiar presence, the physical and the doctors and the other patients aren’t so overwhelming. Maybe if we got a decorator to come in and make the wards more welcoming-\nI know that, but there have been studies that show links between environment and the effectiveness of therapy. Now, forgive me, Director, but your focus isn’t psychology-\nOf course.\nThank you, Director.\nI know that, Director. They are human beings. I’m just attempting to treat them as such.\nGoodbye, Director.\nWonderful.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Mini Episode 7 Transcript\nMini Episode 7 - Caleb, 9/16\nHey, thanks for meeting me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you wanna sit?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry that we haven’t really been able to talk at school. I just- it’s been kind of a crazy two weeks with football and classes and my mom getting on my ass about college applications, which is just-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine, Caleb, I get it. I’m actually kind of surprised you wanted to talk to me at all."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course I want to talk to you. I miss you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, so you texted."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Didn’t you…did you miss me? No, uhh, never mind, just forget it-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, Caleb, of course I missed you. Can’t you…can’t you feel that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn’t want to assume anything. I wasn’t sure if you were sad because of me or…you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, you can’t take all of the credit, but yeah, I have missed you. A lot."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’ve said that yet but I am really sorry, I freaked out and I fucked everything up and I know I’ve been a shitty boyfriend- well, I guess I haven’t been much of a boyfriend at all and I just. I’m sorry, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you want from me, Caleb? I don’t hear from you for months and now…why did you want me to meet you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright says I can’t make decisions for you and I think that’s what I was trying to do. I care about you so much and I didn’t want to make your life more complicated or make things harder for you so I guess I just…I was a fucking coward."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I feel like I should apologize too-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Adam-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, just let me- I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this - about us. And I think I was too wrapped up in my own shit before. I was so worried about making you feel sad that I didn’t think and I didn’t let you in. And I put a lot of pressure on you to be the the stable one - the normal one - in the relationship, which I realize is pretty fucking ironic. Your power is- it's cool and everything but I don’t need you to be my superhero. And I’m sorry if you felt like you had to be. I don’t think you’re a coward."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I want to be your superhero, I want to make things better but I just -I’m just not sure I always can."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You make things better just by being there. I mean, I never thought I’d even be friends with you, let alone…you’ve made things so much better. I don’t think I told you that enough."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Well, that’s, uh, that's good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So…what does that mean? Do you- do you still want to, you know, go out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m game if you are."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are such a jock. Meathead."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dork."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, but we have to agree on one thing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Neither of us is going to be the normal one. I think it’s best we just accept that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sounds good to me. We’ll be weird together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What- were you recording this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um…yeah? It’s not anything shady, I promise. I just, I wasn’t sure how this was gonna go and if it went badly maybe we would never talk again and…well, I like listening to your voice, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh my god, you missed me soooooooo much."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Stop-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-you missed me-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "-you’re such a fucking asshole-"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 10 Transcript\n10 - Patient #5-E-3 (Damien)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "(mid-sentence)- I told you, Damien, you can’t just come into my office whenever you like. I have other patients - you need to make an appointment like everyone else."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Aw, come on, Dr. B. You know I’m not like everyone else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "While that may be, I can’t show favoritism to any of my patients. You could have interrupted me in the middle of a session. In fact, you would have, but my other patient- well, a little warning would be nice. I would think you’d have learned that after 10 months."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ah, yes, your other patient. Cheery little thing, isn’t she? Odd mind, though. And my goodness, did she run out of here fast. Aren’t you going to invite me to sit down, doctor?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Come on now, you know you want to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think you should sit down, Damien."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Capital idea. Thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You really shouldn’t do that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why not? Aren’t you always telling your other patients to practice their abilities - learn to “gain control”?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As you said, you are not like everyone else."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And thank god for that. So how’ve you been Dr. B? Losing the touch a little bit, are we? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a patient of yours leave the office in such a hurry before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As I have said before, I cannot discuss any of my patients with you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We both know that’s not strictly true. You’ve done it before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Only ever at your…insistence."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doesn’t matter. Tell me about her. What’s her name- Chloe? What had her so upset? Not- not me I hope. I’ve only been in the building for a few minutes but I did seem to give her a bit of a scare the last time I was here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You were lurking outside the office door - anyone would have been caught off guard."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course, of course. So then it was hardly necessary to move her appointments around just to avoid me, wouldn’t you say? Yeah, don’t think you snuck that one by me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes people’s schedules change, Damien. Not everything is about you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, that’s where you’re wrong! This is about me. This girl, she’s - well, she’s not like everyone else is she? No, she’s special. More special than any of your other freaks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What makes you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Her mind, it’s…strange."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you said that. What does that mean, exactly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, it’s different, obviously. It’s not like everyone else…what’s her ability?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You know I can’t tell you that. I shouldn’t tell you that. But I want to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, go on then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She- she- she can read minds."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh boy! I didn’t see that one coming. Mind reader…huh, I thought maybe…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You thought what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I sort of thought maybe she was like me. That she could do what I do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What made you think that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I couldn’t get in. You know me, whenever I meet someone new, I like to dip into their mind, see what I’m dealing with, but her mind…there was no way in. Very irritating."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? And that’s never happened to you before? You’ve never met anyone you couldn’t…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mind control. You can say it. It’s just us here. Well, I mean, us and your little recorder of course."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve said it before and I will continue to say it: what you do is not mind control, Damien. Such a thing doesn’t exist."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Semantics. I know I can’t technically control a person’s mind but I think it’s safe to say I can do the next best thing. “Impose my will” or whatever it is you always say."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "“Impose your want” is probably a little more accurate. I still don’t believe that you could make anyone do anything that you yourself didn’t fully want. So I’m so flattered that you’ve insisted on these sessions - you must really want therapy badly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nah, I don’t need therapy. But it’s nice to talk to someone who knows the score. And c’mon, you don’t really mind, do you Dr. B?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? Mind that I am forced to give therapy to someone who is beyond help? Forced to dedicate time to someone I don’t particularly care for? Why would I mind that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ouch, you wound me. You really believe I’m beyond help, huh? Doesn’t that go against your psychologist code or something?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t need to do that - try and force your way into my head. I’ll tell you the truth. Yes, I think you’re beyond my help. Could someone who specializes in antisocial personality disorders help you? Maybe. I don’t know. I specialize in atypical abilities. My job is to help atpyicals learn to control their powers and live in harmony with them. You already have a decent amount of control and I don’t think it would beneficial to anyone for you to gain more. So, no. I don’t think I can help you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well. That’s that then. I guess you really would prefer that I just leave you alone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I would. Will you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well. Then we might as well make the most of this time, I suppose. Tell me more about Chloe’s mind - how did you know it was different?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know my methods - how I usually get into a mind. I just stretch out my thoughts and find that person’s consciousness. And then it’s easy from there to plant a thought in their head. Make them want to do things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you’re doing it right now. I wish you wouldn’t."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ah, good - I’m just trying to keep you on your toes, Dr. B. You’re getting better and better at feeling me when I’m in your head. And better at resisting. But not perfect…\n(takes a sip of water) Ahh, thanks for that. See - that’s not so bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Planting a thought in my head just to get you a glass of water seems lazy, Damien, even for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was making a point."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Aren’t you always."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ve treated you very well, haven’t I? I haven’t pushed the line too much, never made you do anything that bad. You should be grateful."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien, it’s statements like that that make it impossible to like you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not asking you to like me. I’m asking you to respect what I can do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then, once again, you are asking far too much of me. I may not be able to fight against your ability, but you don’t frighten me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why not? I can be pretty frightening. Tell me, Dr. Bright. Why aren’t you afraid of me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No- stop. I’ll tell you, no need to show off."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are people and things more terrifying than even you, Damien. I have too much to fear already to worry about a second-rate manipulator."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Harsh words, Dr. B. You might regret saying that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Add it to the list. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Damien. And no matter how much you poke and prod, there are parts of my mind you will never reach."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How about Chloe, huh? Is she able to reach into your mind? Is that what scares you the most? Not someone putting something into your brain, but someone picking something out?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That must be it - why you aren’t able to reach into Chloe’s mind."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your abilities work as opposites. As you said, putting something in versus picking something out. Perhaps they are incompatible. She’s constantly receiving information and you are outputting it- the threads of the powers cross, but they don’t connect."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Look at you - ever the scientist, the detective; putting together the pieces. Will that go in your notes to the good old AM? What kind of information do you send to them exactly? You’ve never said."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And I never will. Because deep down, you don’t want to know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t presume to know what I want, Dr. B. Knowledge is power after all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not when it puts you danger."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I still think you’re bluffing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And yet, you’ve stopped trying to pry it out of me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just don’t think you’d particularly care if I was put in danger."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe not. But with our setup as it is now, I can at least keep an eye on you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "See, I knew you liked our little chats."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I like knowing where you are."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Eh, po-tay-to, po-tah-to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What exactly do you want, Damien? We’ve had almost 30 sessions and I’m still not sure what you expect from me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I said, knowledge is power. The more I see you, the more I learn."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what exactly are you learning?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I’m learning about me, of course. Isn’t that what therapy is all about? Learning about who you are?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what have you learned about yourself?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That I’m a Level 3 Class E atypical. Isn’t that right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, that is how you are currently categorized."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And don’t you want to tell me what that means?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. Actually, I do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Atta girl."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Level 3 is a low level power with medium control."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Low level? Low lev- okay, I wouldn’t call what I do low level."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It just means it doesn’t interfere too much with your own physiology. You are mostly able to go about a normal life day-to-day."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And the Class E?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "High risk. It’s my category for dangerous atypicals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ah, see? You are scared of me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not anymore, Damien. But that doesn’t mean I want you terrorizing the general public."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ye of little faith. I have no intention to terrorize anyone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Which brings us back to the question: what are your intentions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I said, knowledge."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem very comfortable with your condition at this point, Damien. I don’t understand what I could possibly teach you about yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, so maybe it’s not entirely about me. I know you have other patients and I’d like to learn about them. I can’t help that I have a curious mind."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not going to compromise the confidentiality of my patients anymore than I already have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, whatever. I also know that you’re not working alone. And that- well, that intrigues me more than anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien, The AM are none of your concern. And you certainly don’t want to be one of theirs."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you keep saying. But...doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what they’re up to. I mean, come on, a shadowy government agency that the public doesn’t know about? It’s my own personal thriller mystery!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I told you: it’s a non-profit science firm. That’s all you need to know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, you did tell me that. But then you told me you were lying, so you’ll forgive me if I don’t buy that particular company line. What I want to know is, what the hell are you doing in bed with them? Occasional confidentiality slips aside, you’re a good doctor and - even more annoyingly - a good person. Even I’ve picked up on that after 10 months. So why work with something that scares you so much?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let’s not forget who’s the patient and who’s the therapist, Damien."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh please, we passed that line ages ago. We’re more than- we are more doctor and patient, we’re…confidants. I’m probably the closest thing in your life you have to a friend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good lord."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m right aren’t I? Oh god, that’s sad, Dr. B. You really should get out more."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If I want your advice, Damien - never mind, I’ll never want your advice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Suit yourself. I am going to get to the bottom of all of this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There’s nothing to get to the bottom of, Damien. You have better things to do than play amateur detective."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, do I now? Last I checked, my life was as empty as yours. We’re both caught up in this tangled web, Dr. B. Time to figure out who’s the spider and who’s the fly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think that’s quite enough of your dramatics for today, Damien. You can show yourself out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine. I wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome. I’ll see you soon, Dr. B."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Patient #5-E-3, session…well, I’ll have to check my notes for what number that was. Our sessions have been…irregular to say the least. I rarely know when he’s going to barge in. Though I’m not sure it would make a difference - Damien is easily the most difficult patient I’ve had. His ability is incredibly hard to work with - when he uses it it feels as though your brain is being invaded. Though it didn’t always feel that way; I’ve gotten better at noticing when his consciousness is invading mine and I think he’s gotten more careless with me. But when we first started…well, my notes are essentially useless from the first few months of our sessions. I couldn’t feel his consciousness at first - I was telling him, wanting to tell him things that I never would have told a patient. I didn’t know what was happening. He was surprised as I was when I figured out what he could do. I guess he had gone through many therapists before coming to me - I was just next on the list of professionals in the area. Once he realized I knew about his ability - knew about other’s abilities - he stuck around. And I still have no idea what to do with him.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 11 Transcript\n11 - Patient #11-A-7 (Caleb)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Patient #11-A-7, Session 15. It’s been two weeks since our last session as the patient was traveling last weekend for a football game. He expressed concern at being away from his home for the weekend - he feels that his parents’ house is a calming place, a haven for him where he is able to balance his ability easily. In our last session, he was worried about how three days of consistent time with his teammates would affect him.\nHi, Caleb. Come on in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How was your trip?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was okay. Tiring."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sure. What was most tiring about it? The football playing? Or the people?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Kinda a combination of all of it. The long bus rides, the intense game, which we lost, and then, yeah, all my teammates. It was just, like, not that fun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry to hear that. Caleb, are you feeling alright? You don’t look good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Gee, thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sorry. I just meant, you look a bit down."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, yeah, I guess I sort of am. I had to take the bus here today because my parents had to go to some conference thing for my dad’s new book. And my mom won’t let me drive her car even though she knows I have my junior license"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why won’t she let you drive?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She’s worried about all the other people in the other cars. She thinks that if someone in the next lane is having a serious case of road rage or whatever, that I’ll get road rage-y and crash. Which is, like, total bull."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t understand her concern? She’s just trying to protect you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know! But she can’t protect me from everything forever! And it’s not like taking the bus was that much better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that why you’re upset? Did something happen on the bus?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not on it. At the bus stop. There’s a ton of construction in my area so I had to walk to a totally different bus stop which put me in a bad mood. I don’t really walk around the city too often because of all the people and it was just…it was pretty overwhelming. Like school, but worse because it’s all new people. And then I got to the bus stop and I felt-I- I don’t even know. Just terrible. Really fucking terrible."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You were sad?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sad and angry and scared and angry and…ugh it was just. It was every color. All mixed up, messier than anything I’ve ever felt."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were there a lot of people around?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, just a few. A little boy with his dad, an old lady…and then, then this homeless guy sitting against the wall behind the bus stop."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A homeless man? Were the emotions all coming from him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, yeah, I think they were. Wait, how did you know that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I- I know someone who has had similar encounters at bus stops. This man has displayed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder- do you know what that is?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that’s what veterans have right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It can occur in anyone who has experienced a trauma but, yes, it often afflicts those who have been in war zones."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So this guy was a soldier?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know. It’s very possible. Whoever he is, he’s clearly unwell. You’ve never come into contact with someone with a serious mental illness before have you? (more to herself) I hadn’t thought how that might affect you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I haven’t. I mean, I don’t really know, you know? Like, there are a lots of kids in my year who might have depression, or anxiety, or a million other things but how am I supposed to tell the difference between a real problem and I don't know, just normal teenager stuff?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, remember, all your peers problems are real. Even if they aren’t symptomatic of a larger issue, the things that you’re feeling from fellow students are real to them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess so. But, I mean, people are always saying how stuff feels like such a big deal when you’re 16, even though it’s really not. Do you think that's- do you think that’s true?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It can be. We certainly learn to cope better with emotional difficulties as we grow older. But that doesn’t diminish anything you feel at this age."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, yeah, I get that. But it just - it doesn’t compare you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Compare to what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "To what this guy was feeling. I mean, I’d felt all those emotions before - sadness, anger, fear, whatever - but only really ever from people in my school. Like, my parents feel sad and stuff sometimes but it just doesn’t seem as dire, you know? I guess ‘cause they’ve learned to cope like you said. But this guy…he just couldn’t. It was like all the stuff I feel walking through school times, like, a hundred. And he couldn’t handle it. None of it fit anywhere inside of his body."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like he frightened you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, he did. Well, no, actually. It scared me, not him. I-I knew he wasn’t going to do anything with it. With any of the emotions, I mean. He seemed stuck. Like, totally trapped inside of his feelings and it was just- it was really awful."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m very sorry to hear that. Were you able to push his feelings away at all? You’ve made a lot of progress with blocking out certain emotions."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. But, no. I couldn’t. It all came on, like, way too strong, way too fast. And then the bus came and I got on and it all started to fade away the further I got from him. But it left a bad taste in my mouth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand that. But it is unlikely that you will encounter this kind of emotional turmoil often. You should’t be worried or afraid."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I know. I just, I feel bad for him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think…I think maybe it would be nice to help people like him someday. Like, Use my ability for something good. Something productive. What. Why are you smiling at me like that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s nothing. It’s just - you remind of the other person I mentioned. You two had very similar reactions to meeting what sounds like the same man. It gives me a lot of hope for the world that people like you are out there, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Uh, thanks. But can you like, stop feeling that way? It feels weird - like my mom feels when I do well in school or something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I’m sorry Caleb, but I’m proud of you. You know people can’t control how they feel, even me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay. So this other person - are they a patient?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uh, yes. Yes they are."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And do they feel other people’s emotions too?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not exactly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But they can do something different, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not allowed to discuss other patients, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I just - I hadn’t really ever thought about there being other people out there like me. Are all your patients like that? Like, special?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t tell you that, I’m afraid."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow. Other freaks. Weird thought."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, you’re not a freak."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I am. I mean, that’s why I barely leave my house except for school and football. And why I never go to parties, even though I’m always invited, and why I have no friends - because they all can tell. They can all tell that I’m a freak."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You feel like you don’t have any friends? What about Adam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Adam will figure it out eventually. He’s smart."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you’ve said. And he’s chosen you as a friend - shouldn’t that tell you something?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Smart people can make bad personal decisions."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s very true. Do you feel like you’re a bad decision for Adam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know! I mean, we get along, yeah. Like, we like hanging out, and he’s been helping me study - we’re bros or whatever. But then there’s the other thing and I feel like I’m lying to him you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because you haven’t told him you want to be more than friends?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. No. It’s- it’s that he wants that too. I think. And it feels like lying because I feel things for him and then I also feel that he feels things for me. And isn’t that cheating? That I already know? And he doesn’t? I mean, I don’t think he knows. Do you think he knows?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "About how you feel? I don’t know, Caleb. What have you told him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nothing. And that’s the problem. I want to tell him- I want to tell him everything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What’s holding you back? If you know that there’s a good chance that your feelings are reciprocated, than it seems worth the risk to tell him how you feel."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I mean, I want to tell him everything. About me. About my ability, about my issues with anger. All of it. I mean, he deserves to know, he’s my best friend. I mean is that crazy? That we’ve been hanging out for two months and he’s already the best friend I’ve ever had?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We can become very close with other people very quickly depending on the circumstances. Sometimes those fast-made relationships fade as quickly as they formed, but sometimes they create bonds that last forever. Which do you think you and Adam have?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. I think- I think he might know me better than anyone else ever has. Even without knowing about my problem. Like, he gets that I get really angry sometimes. And I think he knows that I get angry when he does. Because I’ll feel him start to get angry and then I’ll watch him try to control his face so I can’t tell. Like, he thinks whenever he looks mad, I get mad too. I mean, he does get this kind of look about him - like, his eyes narrow and his eyebrows kind of scrunch up and his lips go, like, really thin, so, you know, even if you’re not me, it’s really easy to tell when he’s pissed. But when I’m around and someone says something that gets him riled up or he’s talking about politics or, like, whatever, he’ll try to smooth his face over so I don’t see that he’s angry. Which is, like, so dumb because obviously, him pretending doesn’t work, I can still feel it, but. He tries."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like you’re thankful for that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I am. I mean, I don’t want to get into any more fights and Adam’s anger is, like, so strong sometimes and it feels so much like mine that it’s hard to push away. But when I watch him try to hide it, it kind of, like, breaks the spell - it makes me smile."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sounds like a good friendship to me, Caleb. You’re both considerate of the other’s feelings."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, exactly. Like, when I went away for the game, he made me this mix to listen to on the bus. Because he knows that sometimes spending a lot of time around my teammates can bend me out of shape a bit. Like, he’ll usually meet me after practices and just start cracking jokes - like he knows I’m coming down from something. And it really helps. Because, as much as I love football, there’s always, like, you know, a bit of whiplash after playing where I have to adjust to not being in that sort of, group feeling, you know? And so, anyway, so he made me this mix, with all these little notes in it, and told me to listen to it because he couldn’t be there to snap me out of “dumb football mode”. That’s what he calls it. He doesn’t know anything about football."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Adam seems like a great friend to you. How well are you balancing things with him currently? You said his anger is sometimes hard to separate from yours, but is that true for all his feelings?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I don’t know, really. I always know what’s mine but sometimes we get, like, so in sync that it doesn’t matter what I feel and what he feels. I think maybe we’ve grown so close that it doesn’t really matter whose emotions are whose, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how do you feel about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I like it most of the time. It’s nice not to have to fight against someone’s feelings. Like I’ve said, his just fit into my body really well so it’s less like having emotions pushed on me and more like, I don’t know, welcoming them in."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sounds nice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, except…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Except?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I can tell what’s mine but I can’t always tell what’s his, you know? Like, the feeling that I have for him - the feeling feelings…sometimes it feels like it’s doubled, like the butterflies just start multiplying and going crazy and it’s really, really nice and really weird but…how do I know if any of that is coming from him? Like at all? What if it’s just my own feelings getting out of control? I mean, even when I’m alone, even when he’s not around, there are some big feelings that just don’t fit right. Like they’re too big. And that’s happened before, but it’s so much worse with this. And isn’t that just, like, teenage hormones or whatever? Like, my dumb brain making a big deal out of nothing? Or is there something seriously wrong with me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t think there is anything wrong with you, Caleb. It sounds like you’re in-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I know what you’re going to say. And that’s - I mean, even if that we’re true, which I’m not saying it is, like, how can I trust that? I know you say that everything I feel and everything everybody else feels is valid, but when I’m feeling all of it, doesn’t it kind of cancel itself out? I mean, what if prolonged exposure to other people’s emotions has made me totally delusional. What if nothing I feel is actually real?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you said you still feel these things when you’re by yourself. Shouldn’t that tell you that those emotions are your own?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess. But, I just…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re scared."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? No, I’m not. Okay, yeah, I’m scared."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What are you scared of?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m scared that this feeling will go away. And I’m scared that it won’t. I’m scared that if I told him, it would ruin everything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hate to tell you, Caleb, but feeling that way isn’t unique to you and your ability. And it won’t necessarily get easier with age. There’s always the fear of losing someone. Or of losing a feeling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. But most people aren't in this particular situation."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s true. But you know yourself, Caleb. Better than a lot of other people your age and better than some adults I know. You have to trust yourself. Think about other crushes you’ve had, or even other times that you’ve felt strong emotions both in yourself and from other people. How does this compare?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s- it’s bigger than any of that. And it is fucking terrifying."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what do you think would be the best way to handle it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "To tell him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s good, Caleb. That’s very brave."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I was serious before, I want to tell him everything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you feel that’s important?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because honesty is important, right? In a relationship? I mean- not that, like, I don’t even know what label he’d want to- never mind. Look, I just mean, I’ve already been lying to him so much. I’ve had a head start in every conversation we’ve ever had and that’s not fair. If I’m going to tell him how I feel, I think it’s important that he has- that he has all the pertinent information before he makes a decision about me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think that’s very wise, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You do? But, how do I have that conversation? How do you tell someone you have superpowers?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You had that conversation with your sister didn’t you? I know your parents were there, but you did most of the explaining, isn’t that right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but she’s my sister. She has to love me, no matter what. He- well, what if he doesn’t believe me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It might be a good idea to include your parents in this conversation, if you’re really serious about having it with him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ugh, no, I don’t want my parents explaining it to him. That’s so embarrassing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your condition is not completely unheard of in the more established medical community. I can give you some literature on empathy and mirror touch synesthesia, which is a somewhat related, documented disorder. You can use those to present the concept to him and then take it from there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re really on board with this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You didn’t think I would be?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I mean, the only other time we talked about it was in my first few sessions and you said I should never tell anyone about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do believe that it’s best to keep the subject between family and close friends but, Caleb, you’ve made remarkable progress. When I said that, I wasn’t sure how much your ability would affect your life. I deal with much more serious cases in this office - people who have very extreme abilities. You are not one of those people. I think you should be able to live a largely normal life. And having your parents and sister know about your ability has been immensely helpful to you. I think bringing Adam in on it might help you even further."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Okay. Wow, thanks, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s my pleasure, Caleb. Now, let me dig up some of that information and we can go over it together so you’ll be able to explain it to Adam…\n(time passes)\nAlright, Caleb, take a little bit to think about it and talk it over with your parents - don’t rush into anything, but I think telling Adam is something you can achieve in the next few weeks. Does that sound good?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that sounds great."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And if you want to bring Adam in, have me explain some of it to him, you just let me know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay, thanks but that would also be, like, super embarrassing. Taking a guy to your therapist is not great first date stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fair enough. Just call me if you need anything okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Oh, and Caleb? At which bus stop was it that you saw that homeless man?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, it was, um…it was Maple and First I think. Why?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just want to keep an eye out for him. Have a good one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, you too. Bye!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "End of session 15. My hope is that by the time the patient graduates high school, he will no longer need to attend sessions with me. While I do have some trepidation about telling more people, based off the conversations I’ve had with Caleb’s mother, Adam seems like a responsible and trustworthy young man. I think including him in this part of Caleb’s life could be a huge step forward.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 12 Transcript\n12 - Patient #12-D-10 (Sam)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Personal log, day 568. Unfortunately, I am not any closer to determining how to get Mark back. I still have six weeks until my quarterly evaluation with Agent Green, but I confess I am not as hopeful as I was a month ago. I have not been able to reach Chloe or Sam and, without either of them, I’m back at square one. I keep watching the same footage over and over, reading the file again and again, hoping to see something new, notice something I didn’t before. But I can’t find a way through it. Mark is stuck. And I’m stuck. So once again, I turn to Plan B - maybe if I can get his body, I’ll be able to figure out the rest from there. But then there’s the question of what kind of treatment he’s been undergoing with The-\nYes, Sarah?\nI don’t have anyone scheduled for this time, Sarah.\nSend her in please.\nSamantha. Sam. Please, come in. Take a seat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I- I didn’t know where else to go. I just, I had to talk to someone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. That’s what I’m here for. Please. Sit.\nI’m very happy to see you, Sam. I’ve been worried about you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You have?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. We didn’t leave things very well last time and I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. I want to apologize."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You tried to get a hold of me? When?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For the past few weeks - you didn’t get my messages?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, no I didn’t. I’ve- I’ve been away quite a bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Have the lengths of the trips changed? In how much time passes here, I mean."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, not really. It’s, um- I’ve been going on a lot of trips. And I’ve just sort of lost track of things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How frequent have these trips been?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I don’t know, a couple times a day."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "More than once a day?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. But that’s not why I’m here. Something happened. And I don’t know if it was a fluke or-or if- I don’t understand it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, deep breaths, Sam. Start from the beginning."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, well. The past month - well, after I left your office, I just started remembering everything and I barely made it home before I went away again. And then it was just like that for weeks - I kept flickering in and out, I barely felt like I was here, I felt like I wasn’t even solid. And even when I was here, well- I just hadn’t dwelled on that stuff in a really long time and I thought I had it handled, but I guess I didn’t. I’ve just been one bad day away from disaster this entire time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are not a disaster. You’ve experienced multiple traumas and you’ve never spoken to anyone about them - it takes great endurance to survive that. You are incredibly strong, Sam. Don’t forget that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It hasn’t felt like that these past few weeks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m so sorry to hear that the trips have gotten worse. You know you can always come to me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. But I just wasn’t sure if I could trust you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand. And I’m very sorry for that. You weren’t entirely wrong at your last session - I was interested in observing one of your trips again. But it wasn’t on a whim, or to make you feel like a circus act, and I am so sorry for making you feel manipulated. But I wanted to observe so that I could better understand your condition. There’s no literature on this, Sam - no scientific journal I can look up to help me figure it out. But that’s no excuse. I should have respected your boundaries and not pushed you to try and control something that you weren’t ready to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you. I appreciate that. But I think you were right - I think I can learn to control it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What makes you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, that’s why I’m here. Like I said, the trips were getting worse and happening more frequently and I thought- I thought I was never going to get out of it and then I went somewhere I never thought I would go."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Where?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I went back to the accident. My- my parents’ accident, the one that killed them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened? When you arrived, where were you? What did you see?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I landed in the front yard of our house, and I opened my eyes and I saw my parents and me getting into the car. And I knew, I knew immediately that this was the day. And it put me in total shock - I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and I just sort of went on autopilot. I climbed into the back seat, sitting next to my dad and - oh my god, he looked so young. And my mom - I’d forgotten what she looked like when she smiled and for a minute, just a minute, I didn’t think about what was about to happen. I was just back in the car with my parents. I was sitting right behind the other me, so I couldn’t really see her face. My face. Ooh, that’s weird, I haven’t really had time to process that part of it yet. But my parents, they looked so happy, and they were so encouraging of me, so patient and kind. And then I started to notice the streets around me and I realized we were just half a mile from the intersection where it happened and I started to panic - me me, not the other me. And I was thinking, “I do not want to see this happen again. I cannot watch this happen again”. Or, well, I guess I would have been seeing it for the first time. Because I wasn’t even there when it happened. I mean, that’s why it happened."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s okay, Sam. Remember it isn’t your fault. Did you- did you see the accident?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I didn’t. I was thinking how I couldn’t bear it and everything stopped. I froze time. It was like in that movie Clockstoppers - have you ever seen that movie? No, of course not, it does not seem like your kind of movie. But it’s one of the last movies I saw in theaters, so I remember it pretty well. Which is sort of sad. But once the trips really started to get going, I couldn’t really go to the movies anymore. The people, the dark space, the loud noises - it was too much. Anyway, it was just like that movie - everything was frozen in place and I just moved around it. Well, I guess, technically in the movie, he was moving really fast, not actually stopping time so-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, sorry. I’m just. It still seems a bit surreal. I mean, I’ve never been able to do anything - anything - when on my trips. And then I just stopped everything, just like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That is fairly remarkable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That isn’t even the best part. I came back. After everything went still, I got out of the car, looked around and just thought to myself, “I don’t want to be here right now. I would give anything to be anywhere but here”. And then I came back. I thought about coming back to the present, and I felt the air pull on me, and I shut my eyes really tight and then- then I was just standing in my kitchen."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, this- this is an excellent step-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wait, I’m not done. When I came back, I was standing in front of the microwave - I had been heating up my lunch, I don’t cook just in case I go away and burn my whole apartment down - and only seconds had passed since I left. Seconds! It’s never been that fast before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you saying that you brought yourself back to almost the exact moment that you left?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I think I did."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, this is wonderful news. Have you been able to replicate this at all in other trips?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I literally just got back from that one. I took the pasta out of the microwave and came straight here. I had to talk to someone and well. You’re the only person in the entire world who knows about me, so..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, I know I’m not your first choice of confidant after our last session but I am very glad that you came to see me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it’s okay. I think I can forgive you for that. I mean, it was a really, really cruel thing to do, but, well, I need you if I’m going to figure this out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Figure what out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Figure out how to control it. Think about it, if I’m able to come and go as I please, then maybe I could go back and fix things. Stop my parents from getting into the car that day. Save them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, this is very good progress but I don’t want you to get ahead of yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not! But I stopped time and then traveled forwards through it by just thinking about it - I wasn’t even trying. Not really. Imagine what I could do if I was trying, if I had full control."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn’t mean that you could go back in time and change the course of history. I think you will be able to control it - control when you leave and when you come back. But I don’t think that would change what you can do when you’re in other times."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It just simply isn’t possible."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How on earth can you say that? None of this should be possible. I can time travel. I told you that 5 minutes after meeting you and you believed me instantly. Why are you drawing a line now?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because there are limits to every ability. I told you I’ve had other patients with other extraordinary capabilities. Yes, some of them - including yourself - can do things that beggar belief. But these powers, these gifts, are not limitless."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you just said that you don’t know anything about my ability. For all you know, my limits could be much greater than anyone else’s."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They could be. But time travel is fixed. It’s a spectator sport - no one with such an ability has ever been able to affect the past."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No one- what do you mean, no one with such an ability? You said you’d never seen anyone like me before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I haven’t personally worked with someone of your talents before, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who are you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If you haven’t worked with other time travelers before, then how do you know they exist? Is there some secret society of scifi heroes I don’t know about? Are there other therapists like you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, Sam. I’m one person in one city. This kind of atypical biology is not unique to our location. There are others who struggle with similar issues and they have people who work with them and study their abilities, just like me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean, of course? Why would that be something I assume?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You came to me because I advertised therapy for the strange and unusual, did you not? You knew I had other patients who had special abilities."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but, I- I just thought-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You thought I’d found the only atypicals in the world?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I- I guess not. I hadn’t really thought about it that much, to be honest."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s understandable. Your own ability gives you plenty to think about without worrying about the larger picture."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess. But I’m sorry - I’m still a little confused. Do you or do you not have previous knowledge about time travel? Because you are saying a lot of contradictory things here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have read about other time travelers, it’s true. But I meant it when I said your ability was more unique than any I’ve ever seen. I’ve never heard of anyone physically leaving this time and traveling to another."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What- what do you mean? What other kind of time travel is there?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The mental kind."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mental time travel? What is that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There have been documented atypicals who have been able to push their consciousness back in time. Their body stays here, in the present, but they fall unconscious - they look like they’re in a deep sleep to a casual observer - but really their mind is in another time. Another place."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What, like they're dreaming?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sort of. Except, to them, as far as I know, it seems just like normal life. It doesn’t have any of the confusing logic or limitless possibilities that dreams have. They are in reality. Just in a reality that is long past."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like the Pensieve."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s this thing, in Harry Potter-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah yes, right, I remember that. Yes, actually, that is a good comparison. From the descriptions I’ve read, it does sound a bit like going into someone’s memory. But, as far as we know, it isn’t subject to any one specific perspective. These time travelers see history as it happened - not the narrative of someone’s thoughts. It’s like that for you, isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, yes, I guess. I’m not sure I’ve ever thought about the historical and narrative accuracy of my trips. I’ve always taken it for granted."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But for instance, today - the trip to the day of the accident. Was that as it happened, or as you remembered it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it was definitely how it happened. Because I noticed things that I didn’t before - like the color of my dad’s sweater or people walking on the sidewalk. So, wait, how many time travelers are there in the world?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s hard to say. The one mental time traveler I am familiar with - the one I’ve read about - had a good amount of control over the ability. But given the nature of the ability, someone in your position - someone who doesn’t have control over it - may just think that they are falling asleep and having very vivid dreams."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So what - all the narcoleptics in the world are actually time traveling?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh my god- I was kidding. But that’s really a possibility?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t see why it couldn’t be."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, so that seems likely but the idea of me changing the past when I can already move through time is somehow too unbelievable?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Like I said, Sam - it’s never been done."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But if I’m the only one who physically goes back than it doesn’t really matter what the precedent is, does it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you’ve said it yourself - you’re not really corporeal. You can’t affect the space around you at all."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But before today, I couldn’t control anything at all. So you don’t know what’s possible! You don’t know what I could be capable of!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. This is a good step forward but that’s all it is - one step. And I think if we work together, we can keep moving forward. But let’s just take it one step at a time, okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. I’m thinking maybe coming here was a bad idea."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, I promise I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not that, it's- it'sll the other stuff. How do you know about the other time travelers? How are you so calm about all of this? Are you special too? I don’t know anything about you and I’ve entrusted you with the biggest secret I have."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I am?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me so that I can help you. This isn’t usually a two-way street, but, then again, I’m not a usual therapist. There are certain things that will be important for you to know if we’re going to be productive."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You mean, about the other time travelers?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Before I started practicing here, as a private psychologist, I worked for a non-profit. They recruited me in graduate school and I assisted them in their research on atypicals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What kind of research?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m afraid I can’t discuss the specifics with you - the confidentiality agreements were very strict. But after a few years there, I discovered that the organization was not dedicated to the kind of work that I had set out to do. They had different priorities, so I left, came here and started working on a smaller scale."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why are you telling me this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because this is the kind of work that I wanted to do - help individual atypicals understand and control their abilities. And that will only work if we can be open with each other."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So is that what I am? An atypical?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s how you are identified to people like me. Are you prepared to identify yourself that way? Someone who is aware of and working with a special ability?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I’m ready. I want to take control."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. Let’s get to work.\n[fade out; time passing]\nOkay, Sam. Keep up with those exercises and if you’re ready, next session you can try going on a trip. On purpose for once. And I will be here when you get back, no matter what."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, that sounds - well, let’s just see how it goes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just so we’re clear - I still have a lot of questions."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know. But let’s just focus on you and we’ll handle your questions as they come up. But you’re safe here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine.\nBye, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See you soon, Sam.\nEnd of session six. The patient has made incredible steps forward but I’m concerned about her fixation on fixing the past. Despite her objections, I truly don’t think it’s possible. That being said, I think this is an excellent sign that she will be able to help Mark. I would have preferred a few more weeks of sessions before telling her about my time with The AM, but I think it was important to open up a little to get her to come back. Once we’ve established a rapport again, I’ll tell her about Mark - this won’t work without her full cooperation. But until then, I have to gain her trust back. She’s much more confident than the last time I saw her. I was seeing glimpses of this in our first five sessions, but I think today was the first time I saw the complete Samantha Barnes. The woman who has survived loss, and wars, and repeated physical traumas in the form of time manipulation. She’s not as malleable and desperate as she was when she first came to me, but I think this new determination - this new comfort with her ability and trust in herself - will ultimately work in our favor.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 13 Transcript\n13 - Patient #13-A-3 (Chloe)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Patient #13-A-3, session 6. After four weeks of unsuccessful attempts to contact the patient, I was finally able to reach her and she has agreed to come and see me once a month. She said she has been doing better with the voices - she has been applying the meditation and mindfulness exercises that I taught her to positive affect. While this does give me some concern that she will be able to hear my own thoughts more easily, I think being more honest with her will ultimately help us both. Besides, if I eventually were to ask for her help with Agent Green, I would need to tell her everything.\nHello, Chloe. Please, come in.\nIt’s wonderful to see you, Chloe. How are you doing today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m doing fine, thank you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m very happy you’ve come back to see me. I know you’ve been doing well over these past few weeks but I still think we can do a lot of good work together."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, sure. That was quite a coincidence - us running into each other like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I suppose it was."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You weren’t - you weren’t following me, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, of course not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re lying."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, don’t. If we’re going to do this, you need to start telling me the truth. I could hear what you were thinking. You were thinking about Frank. Why? What does he have to do with any of this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, Chloe, I’m sorry. You’re right - I do need to be more honest with you. But I promise you, I really am just trying to protect my other patients."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean? Frank isn’t a patient of yours."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, no, it’s - Chloe, I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t following you. I would never violate your boundaries like that. But one of my other patients - he crossed paths with Frank as well. And he had a similar reaction to when you first encountered Frank. So I asked my patient where he had seen this man. It seemed like too strange of a coincidence that the abilities of two of my patients had responded in such a way to the same individual. I thought maybe Frank was special too and I thought I should try to find him to see if I could help."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. And that’s all? You just wanted to help Frank?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, in the interest of full disclosure, I was rather hoping that I might run into you as well. I thought that maybe you would still be walking around that neighborhood."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you just got lucky that I was there on your first try."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Did you just hear me think that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s good, Chloe. That’s very good. Are you able to hear most thoughts like that these days - as complete sentences?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes. It really depends on the person. Your thoughts are pretty organized - you think in straight lines, so it’s a little easier to hear what you’re thinking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What am I thinking right now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well…hm, a lot of different things. But they’re running parallel to each other, if that makes sense. It’s not a jumble like it is with some other people. You’re thinking how interesting it is that I’m hearing thoughts in this way and- oh, yes. Yeah, he’s one of those people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, sorry, you- you were wondering if Frank was one of those people that has jumbled thoughts. And yes, yes he is. Oh, but you don’t think he’s special? You think he’s just sick. And you don’t think I can help him, you don’t think that I’m strong enough to help him-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, please, slow down. This is- well, you are much farther along in controlling your ability than I was expecting. You’re going to have to give me a little bit of time to let me catch up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, sorry. It’s just - you think a lot. And so quickly, and so much of it doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m just trying to pick out what I’m able to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What doesn’t make sense to you? Is it the way you’re hearing the thoughts or the speed at which they are happening?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No it’s - it’s when you’re thinking about science. I don’t know anything about neuroscience or psychology, so all of that stuff sort of goes over my head. Just because it makes sense in your mind doesn’t mean it makes sense in mine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does that happen a lot? Someone is thinking about a specific area of knowledge that you don’t have and you find it difficult to process their thoughts?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, it happens sometimes. Or when people think in shortcuts."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In shortcuts?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Some people have shortcuts in their brain for thinking about stuff that’s specific to them. Like, they’ll be thinking of something and all of a sudden, they’re thinking about something completely different. And the jump makes sense to them - it’s a logical connection in their brain - but I don’t get it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Like an inside joke. Verbal cues that trigger a memory or specific connection?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right! And by the time I catch up to the change in subject, their mind has already moved on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But, despite all of this, it seems that you are hearing things much more clearly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I am, most of the time. But it’s still hard in public or large groups."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "In our last session, you mentioned that you were thinking of returning to school. Did you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, sort of. Me and my mom had a meeting with my advisor and tried to explain things as best we could. We used- we used the schizophrenia as an excuse. I know that’s sort of not cool because there are people who really have that and it’s difficult but- it was just easier than trying to explain the real reason. And, well, the advisor agreed that lectures were probably not a good idea. But she’s enrolled me in some independent study - studio time and private tutoring, that kind of stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s wonderful to hear. Getting back to routine is an important part of learning to live with your ability."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, the university has been pretty helpful, which is really nice. I know it wouldn’t be this easy if I was a medical student or something, but the art department can be pretty freeform depending on the courses you’re taking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how is the independent study going?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s going well, actually! I’m doing two different ones - one with my ceramics professor and another one in- well, in social work, actually."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I- well, as you saw the other day, I’ve been talking to Frank more. And I’ve gotten him to go to the Vet center a couple of times, and I’m trying to get him to go to the VA - you know, get a check up, maybe admit himself until he’s better? And well, I’ve been volunteering there a bit. And my hours there are counting towards my credits, so it works out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, while I think it’s wonderful that you are volunteering, I don’t want this fixation on Frank to take over your life. If it weren’t for him, is social work something you would be interested in?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never really thought about it. But I do enjoy the volunteering, really. It’s just- it seemed like the best way to get to know him a little bit better."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And why is getting to know him so important to you? Because he’s sick?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. Well, maybe a little, but I’m not- I’m not making him my project or anything if that’s what you’re suggesting. I just - he doesn’t have anyone, okay? And he needs to paint, he needs to get these paintings out of his head and onto canvas and if he doesn’t- well I know what that’s like! To have art inside of you that you need to get out! So much has happened to him and it’s the only way he knows how to process it: I see the war and his dad’s death, something with lilies - I don’t know, it’s all a little abstract. And I’m the only one who can- he doesn’t have anyone and there’s no one who understands but I understand, I can help him!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, Chloe, it’s okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can just hear you thinking that I’m going about this the wrong way. That I’m just some silly college student who’s trying to take on more responsibility than she can handle. But I’m not- I’m not romanticizing this. I know who he is - better than anyone. And you’re right - you don’t understand what it’s like to be an artist. You don’t have an artist’s brain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe. It’s not like you to insult me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wasn’t- okay, I’m sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t like hearing my thoughts very much, do you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I guess I don’t."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think that is?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They’re cold."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You find me cold?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, a little, sometimes, but it’s not really you- it’s the way you think. I know that sounds bizarre, but there is a difference. Your thinking is so orderly. Clinical. Which I guess makes sense, because you’re a doctor, but it’s- it’s uncomfortable. It kind of chafes? Or no, it’s more like it pokes. Like, cold spikes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I feel like I should apologize. That sounds very unpleasant."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not all bad. I mean, I can tell that there’s a lot going on underneath the surface. That you’re caring. I can’t hear them, but some of your thoughts - your more distant thoughts - they’re warm. Comforting. But you try to push them away - that’s what I don’t like. You have these thoughts about, well, I’m not sure really. I think they’re about people? Maybe your patients? Or no, one patient. Yeah, it’s- you think about him a lot. Not the one who’s dangerous, those thoughts are cold and pointy too - no this is someone who I remind you of? Or, we’re similar? He has a similar ability to me. Can he read minds too? No, just feelings. Oh, he’s the one who told you about Frank - that makes sense. He felt Frank’s emotions. God, I know what that’s like - that’s not always a fun ride."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So this patient, he’s like me. And you care about him. He reminds you of someone but it’s not me. No it’s, someone else. Someone else that’s in your warm thoughts. Who’s Mark?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, please. I would like to maintain some semblance of doctor patient confidentiality."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You really mean that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course I do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, you’re the one thinking about him. You don’t have to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, yes, but that’s a bit like telling someone not to think of pink elephants. Inevitably, they think of pink elephants."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re right. I can see them - in your head and mine. But I’m not going to apologize for what I can do. I can’t help what I hear but I’m not going to use it for anything bad. I know this is a powerful ability, but I would never use someone’s thoughts against them. Yeah, me too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You too, what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What were you just thinking?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was thinking that I’m happy you have this ability and not someone else."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Me too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’s in trouble, isn’t he?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My patient? No, he’s fine. Safe and sound."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. The other one. The one your patient reminds you of. Mark. He’s in trouble."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. He is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you can’t do anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m trying to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you’re responsible. It’s your fault he’s in trouble."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because you’re thinking it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not everything we think is true, Chloe. Especially about ourselves."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What are you apologizing for?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For making you think about him. I get why you push the thoughts away."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They’re not all warm, are they?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, they’re not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What else do you hear, Chloe?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "From you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We might as well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The thoughts are still there. Underneath the surface. Are they- they’re different. They’ve got a different hue to them - they’re memories?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t have any warm thoughts about him that are new? Oh, you haven’t seen him in a while. He’s trapped and you failed. You didn’t protect him like you were supposed to. You didn’t take care of him like mom and dad said to- oh! Mark’s your brother?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Actually, I think that’s enough for today."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If I’m going to be the one you practice on, then I’ll need to prepare a little bit better. Think about my own thought process and how to help you navigate through it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry I made you think about him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t apologize, Chloe. I’m always thinking about him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, was it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Was it your fault? That he got trapped?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know, Chloe. What’s done is done and I’m not sure I could have done anything to change that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s not what you’re thinking right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess - I guess a lot of what Frank is thinking might not be true. Right? I mean, he’s sick, so how do I know if any of what he’s thinking is actually a fact?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t. But it’s true to him. And that’s all that matters in the end. But start with what you know. Start with the art."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s good advice. I know you’re thinking that you don’t know what to tell me, but that sounds like good advice to me. I’m sorry I’ve made you doubt yourself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You haven’t. I am just realizing that I am vastly out of my depth with you, Chloe. So much of therapy is saying the right thing to a patient, which is impossible when the patient knows what you’re really thinking."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But it’s a good challenge?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it’s a good challenge."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And I can help you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s what you think - you think I can help you. But that’s all I heard. I don’t know what I’m supposed to help you with. I thought that was your job."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "To be perfectly frank - and I don’t think there’s a point in being otherwise - I don’t know what my job is with you, Chloe. Give me a few weeks to play catch up, develop a new plan for you. I don’t know if there’s any point in treating these sessions as true therapy - we may as well use them to help you hone your ability. But any time you need to talk, you call me. Day or night, and I’ll be here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because I can’t read your thoughts through the phone, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. So let’s talk later this week about school and Frank and how you’re handling things. We can’t really discuss those subjects when you’re distracted by my thoughts."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I guess you’re right. Okay, Dr. Bright. That sounds good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wonderful.\nI’ll talk to you later."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. And Dr. Bright - I’m sorry for making you sad. But it’s good to know I can trust you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m glad, Chloe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "End of session six. Well. In some ways, that went better than I expected. If I let her listen to my thoughts, perhaps I will be able to ease her into some of the information I am trying to share. I don’t want to overwhelm her, but I still think she could be an important ally. At the very least, I seemed to have gained some pity points. Which I don’t love, but the girl has a bleeding heart and I will take what I can get.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 14 Transcript\n14 - Patient #12-D-10 (Sam)\nI received a message from Patient #12-D-10 this morning- or I suppose, last night. I’m on the elevator up to my office now. I saw the patient at her normal session time on Thursday - that was her eighth session I believe. So this is session 9, I suppose.\nSam, I’m so sorry I’m late - I only got your message this morning. I was already asleep last night when you called."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, it’s fine. I’m sorry to bother you on a Saturday."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s perfectly alright.\nSorry that Sarah wasn’t here to let you into the waiting room. I sometimes work on weekends but I’m rarely busy enough to need her here. Why don’t you go sit down in the office and I’ll just gather my notes.\nSo, Sam, how are you this morning? You sounded very overwhelmed on the phone."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m fine. I’m - well, I’m still in shock a little bit to be honest. I still can’t quite believe what’s happened."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you said you were able to go on a trip on your own?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, yes. But that’s not even the most extraordinary part."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, well, let’s start from the beginning."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, um. So, I haven’t been able to go on a trip on purpose since that session of ours last week. And I’ve been practicing at home, every day, like you’ve taught me, but it’s just hard to do without you guiding me through it. You know, getting me into the meditation and giving me cues and what-not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m glad to hear that I’ve been helpful, but you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to do it on your own. You’ve made so much progress in the last few months. That’s enough for right now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, I know that’s what you said on Thursday. And I think that’s what finally did it - instead of just sitting in my apartment, trying to force myself to meditate, I tried not to worry about it too much. I sort of assumed that it wouldn’t happen, so I just did the meditation out of habit and didn’t stress about it and it worked. I went away and I meant to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s remarkable, Sam. You said you went to England?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, for only a couple of minutes. It was strange- normally when I arrive in the other place, I never know when I’m going to come back. Once I’ve settled down from the journey getting there, I feel normal and I just wander around until I feel myself being pulled back to the present."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But this was different?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It was like - like I had to hold on to being there or something. From the moment I got there, I felt like I was being pulled back. I had to concentrate really hard to stay, even for just a few minutes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think that is?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. Maybe because it was voluntary? I have the getting there part under control, but maybe I have to control every piece of it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think you’re probably right. Before, your trips were induced by panic. Now that you’re learning to control it, you are fighting against what your body wants to do naturally."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think the trips are your body’s way of trying to calm down during a panic attack. When you’re in emotional or physical turmoil, your body transports you to a different place that it deems safe. As if it's choosing flight over fight."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What, like a defense mechanism?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I definitely think it’s possible. It would explain why the lengths of the trips vary so much. You said the one after the accident was by far the longest - and it was after the greatest trauma you’ve undergone."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that’s true. I’d never really thought about it that way but yeah- the more anxious I was feeling the longer I would be gone. But I still don’t get why that would affect my ability to go on trips on purpose."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve been able to leave purposefully by entering into a calm, meditative state. When you go to another place in that condition, your body isn’t using the travel as a defense mechanism. Instead, the trip is what disrupts the calm, not the other way around. So your body will try to pull itself back to the present and the calm state that you were experiencing there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So I’m basically just always trying to find calm."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think so. Our bodies crave balance."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’d think mine would have come up with a less weird way to accomplish that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I suppose it could have. But this is just a theory. The cause of your trips could be any number of things, or even a combination of things."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, right. But I think this makes sense. I mean, it also explains why I was able to come back before seeing the moment of the accident a few weeks ago. It was like my body was protecting me against having to watch that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s a very good point."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So how on earth am I supposed to travel of my own free will if it just throws my body into chaos?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When you arrived in England - when you realized that you had been successful in your attempts to travel - what did you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Excited. And proud that I was able to accomplish something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were you nervous at all? Frightened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, yeah, I was a bit. I mean, it was such a new sensation. Getting it right, being able to control it. I guess- I guess I wasn’t sure if it was entirely a good thing. I mean, what if controlling it means I can mess things up? What if I can get there but not get back? What if I get stuck somewhere forever?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See why your body wanted to pull you back to the present? You were experiencing anxiety on a trip; not something that is typical, as I understand it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I’ve had panic attacks on other trips before. And they’ve never pulled me back. I only go back when I’m fully calm. Or bored."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Has an attack on a trip ever been as bad as the attack that caused the trip in the first place?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I guess not."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you’ve said it yourself - you know you can’t get hurt when you’re in other times. There’s less danger in the past than there is in the present."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But now that I can control it, that’s not true."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So what do I do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We keep working on your anxiety. If you can learn to be less afraid, to be more confident in yourself and your abilities, then you should be able to control every aspect of the trips."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I guess that makes sense."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let’s get back to what happened yesterday. You went back to the same place in England?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, um, yes. Which is so weird. I mean, there have been a couple of repeats throughout the years, but never back to back like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Were you thinking about the place before you went there?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I was. But this trip wasn’t on purpose."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It was anxiety induced?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I was- well, I was thinking about getting stuck. I was thinking about maybe trying to go on a trip again, but I was caught up in worrying about it and then I left."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And when you arrived, did you feel like you were being pulled back? Or was it one of your usual trips."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It felt pretty normal. I felt solid there. And I, you know, sort of rolled my eyes at the irony of ending up in the same place that I had failed to stay in before and then I went about my usual routine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You mean finding someone interesting to follow around?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. It was the early 1800s - Regency era, I think. I don’t know, it reminded me of Jane Austen. My mom was a big fan of hers."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I don’t know. I remember liking her books when my mom used to read them to me, but I haven’t read any fiction like that in years. It doesn’t really- it doesn’t hold a lot of appeal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Too close to home?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Something like that. I like science fiction, mostly movies and TV, though I’ve read a few novels."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Science fiction, really?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You're surprised."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I would have thought that would be especially too close to home."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I don’t like all science fiction - like, X-Men is definitely a little too relatable and I can’t stand anything set in the present, but anything in the future or outer space is okay. At least I know I’m unlikely to ever go to either of those places."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. I suppose that makes sense. And historical nonfiction is right out I assume?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not at all. I mean, I have to do a lot of research for my job - or rather, I come across a lot of research, and then it’s my job to archive it - but I like learning more about the places I go. It helps to put things in context."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But Jane Austen doesn’t do it for you? Her novels are fairly true to the time period."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, sure, but it’s- it’s her characters. I don’t, um, well, families and friendships and romance are not really things that I know a lot about. I’d rather read a textbook on the 19th century than a romance novel about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s just- not everyone experiences those things, you know? At least with a non-fiction book I know those things happened. It’s fact. History is easy - things happen and they affect the world around them, either in a big way or a small way. And sometimes I get to see those things. But Mr. Darcy doesn’t exist and there’s no reason to believe that he could."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You like to stick to reality."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "As much as I can. There’s no point in fantasizing about things that will never happen."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mr. Darcy may not exist, but other people do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess. Speaking of which, um, I did find someone to follow around in England. A girl, a little younger than me, and her sister. I overheard them gossiping a few minutes after I got there and they seemed fun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah. Very Austen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess so. They were just walking around the main town, doing errands, talking to various people - some things are essentially the same no matter what time you’re in. And then they started to head home and it was a pretty long walk, but it was nice. It was a nice day and it’s always cool to see so much undisturbed countryside. And as we were walking through this field, there was a tree with a man sitting against it. He was about my age and I didn’t think much of it, it looked like he had just stopped in the middle of a walk to take a nap or something but - well he was quite handsome, so I was looking at him a bit and his clothes - they were Regency clothes but they looked. I don’t know, they looked odd on him. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but he just looked so out of place. And I was expecting one of the girls to point him out, or, I don’t know, whisper to one another about his looks - there had been a lot of that so far - but nothing. They didn’t even seem to notice that he was there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps they didn’t see him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I don’t think that’s possible. We were walking straight towards him and they didn’t glance at him once. And then - and this is what I was trying to say in the voicemail. Um, well, we were about thirty feet away and the girls’ chatter woke him up I think and he opened his eyes, and he did sort of a double take and leaped up to his feet. And I thought that he was just trying to be polite - you know, stand in the presence of ladies and all that but, he looked shocked. And confused. And then- then I realized he was looking at me. I wasn’t sure at first, but he looked straight into my eyes and I just- I stopped dead. The girls kept walking forwards, past him and he didn’t look away from me once. He saw me. And I could feel it happening - my body pulling away, I guess because this was freaking me out way more than any anxiety I had had before coming on the trip - but before I left, he smiled. He looked me right in the eye, and the shock softened and he smiled. And I don’t know, it was- it was extraordinary. I’ve seen a lot of amazing things in my trips - a lot of bad stuff, yes, but also a lot of beautiful things. But this- this strange, out of place person smiling at me in the middle of a field is maybe the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t remember the last time someone looked at me and smiled like that. You know, not the vague, practiced smile of someone passing you on the street or handing you your change, it was- it was like he meant it. Like somehow my mere existence had made him happy. And I don’t understand any piece of it - I mean, who is he? How did he get there? How is it that he was able to see me? But, I don't know, all of those questions don’t seem so important when I think about sheer joy and wonder on his face. I didn’t know I could make someone look like that. Dr. Bright? Dr. Bright are you okay? You look a little pale."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I’m fine, thank you, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, it’s pretty incredible."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it is. And you’re absolutely sure he was looking at you - not something behind you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But he was wearing era clothing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, yes, but like I said, they were odd on him. And actually - he was sort of odd, too, not just the clothes. It was like - it was like he wasn’t solid. I think he must have been another time traveler. But then how was he wearing the clothes? I mean, I can’t pick anything up when I’m in other times. How would he have put clothes on?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did he look like? Exactly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why? Do you think he’s one of the mental time travelers that you were talking about? Someone you’ve read about?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. No, the only mental time traveler I know of was a woman. And she is deceased as far as I know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Well, there have to others right? And maybe that’s-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, Sam. I- I didn’t give you the whole picture when I told you I had read about other time travelers. I assume there are more out there, but I have only read about one. She was able to push her consciousness back in time, like I’ve explained, but she passed away a few years ago."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But there have to be others, like you said - maybe it was someone you haven’t heard of yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe. But I think there’s another explanation for this man."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And what would that be?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are people - atypicals - who are able to adapt and perform the abilities of other atypicals around them. They act as a sort of conduit - they do not have any special power on their own, but when in close proximity to someone who does, they are able to perform the same powers."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really? People who can just do anything if they’re in the right place?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Though, I only know of one such person so far."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you know this person?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you think this person is the man who saw me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why? How? Who is he?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He is my brother."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My brother went missing 5 years ago-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you think he went missing to the 1800s?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not exactly. Sam- this puts me in a somewhat awkward position. There are some things that you don’t know - a lot of things in fact - that could potentially put you in harm’s way. But if that man really is who I think he is, then I know why he was able to see you. And I also know that you might be the only person who is able to help him. But you can leave my office right now and forget about all of this. You can continue to be my patient and I will help you with your anxiety so that you can live life as normally as possible."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Or?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Or I can tell you what I know and you can decide if you want to help me. But Sam, I am serious when I say that this will make your life even more complicated than it already is. You said yourself that you don’t want any more adventures."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What’s his name?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark is stuck there, isn’t he?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. He is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Then I’ll help you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, are you sure-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. I know what that’s like - to be trapped like that. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Well, you know, if I had enemies that is."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Give it time, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You have got to tell me what’s going on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Okay. But not here. Not right now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Why not? Just tell me the truth, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I will. But Sam, no one can know that I’m telling you these things. This is a major breach of- well a few dozen professional guidelines and a handful of federal laws. I need you to think long and hard about this before I tell you anything. I’ll look at my notes, try and figure out the most concise way to catch you up on the last 10 years and if you still want to know on Monday, you will have a folder waiting for you that will explain everything. As well as the appropriate proof. I need you to believe me and sitting here hashing it out is only going to frustrate us both."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. That seems reasonable."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. And once again - do not make this decision lightly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I won’t. But Dr. Bright, I can keep a secret. You should know that by now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do. I’m very much counting on it. For now, go home, try to relax. Call me if you go on another trip and I’ll talk to you on Monday once you’ve gone through all the material I send you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. And Dr. Bright?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry about your brother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, Sam.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 15 Transcript\n15 - Patient #11-A-7 (Caleb)\nPatient #11-A-7, session 19. The patient-\nCaleb, come in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry I know I’m early but I just- I couldn’t sit around my house anymore."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine, Caleb. Are you alright?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no I am not fucking alright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does this have to do with Adam? I got your message that you were thinking about telling him this weekend."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, yeah, no I did that. Last night. And it did not go well at all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, why don’t you sit down and tell me what happened."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, so, last night we were doing our normal Saturday night thing - just hanging out at my house. Adam’s favorite band came out with, like, a new album, so we were listening to that. And you know, things were going well. Like, really well actually. At one point, I sort of thought that- well-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You thought what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, that something might, you know, might happen. But I don’t know, there have been so many weird moments like that recently where I feel like I’m looking at him a little bit too much but he’s looking back and it’s like maybe he feels the same way, but. Well, not that it fucking makes a difference now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because it was a disaster! An unmitigated disaster, to borrow a phrase from my former best friend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, what happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So after we had finished listening to the album, I suggested that we go for a walk. It’s been really warm this weekend, right? And, I don’t know, I didn’t really want to have the conversation with him while my parents were in the house. So we went to this park just down the street and, well, I explained everything to him. And he just freaked out and ran off."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He left? Did he say anything to you first?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah he went totally like, pale and weird, and then he was all, “oh god, I need to go home, I’m sorry” and he literally ran away. Like, it would be funny if it wasn't just so fucking tragic."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m very sorry that he reacted that way, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I just don’t get it. I mean, I wasn’t expecting a parade or anything, but I thought he’d at least stick around. I sort of thought he might even find it kind of, I don’t know, like, cool. Like, people find superpowers hot, right? And I mean, what I can do is sort of a superpower. It's- it just wasn’t how I saw things going."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It can be very upsetting when our expectations of someone aren’t met. Sometimes people let us down."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. That’s not new to me. I just- I didn’t think Adam would be one of those people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you think of why he may have reacted that way?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps he’s confused about what you meant. How exactly did you explain your ability?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I started at the beginning. I asked him if he had heard about that fight last year that almost got me expelled, you know, the one that got me to come and see you, and he said that he did. That he was surprised I’d beat a kid up because I always seemed so nice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, that must have been good to hear."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, it was. So I explained about how sometimes I get really angry when other people get angry and he sort of smiled and said that he noticed that. So I started to explain about how some people have too much empathy or that synesthesia thing you told me about. And he said, yeah, he’d heard of that before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s a good start."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "His parents are both doctors and he’s like a sponge for information so that wasn’t surprising."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, so he was on board up to that point - what changed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, then I got into my thing. And at first he didn’t believe me. He thought I was just trying to pull a prank or something. But I told him that, no, I can definitely feel the feelings of other people. And then he thought that I just meant like, normal empathy stuff. And he was like, “gee, Caleb:, you might be hanging out with jocks too much if you think it’s abnormal to notice other people's feelings”, which sort of stung to be completely honest."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know he teases you about football sometimes, but it’s unlike him to be cruel about it, isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, definitely. He’s sarcastic and stuff but he’s never mean. At least not to me. But I could tell that he was just getting defensive. I mean, the moment I started talking about feeling other people’s emotions, he started to feel really nervous. More nervous than I’ve felt from him since the first day I asked him to eat lunch."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think he was nervous?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t- look, I don't know, because he thought I was pulling a prank? He hates pranks a lot and- But I told him I was being completely serious, and it wasn’t a normal empathy thing, and that I could feel that he was nervous and then that made him angry so I told him that I could feel that he was angry too and then he asked if I’ve always been able to feel everything he feels and I said yeah, his feelings are actually some of the the easiest for me to feel and that’s when he freaked and left."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you haven’t heard anything from him since?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I texted him earlier today but he hasn’t responded. I’ve seen plenty of those stupid, fucking grey dots, but nothing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you text him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just that it was shitty- that it was a shitty thing for him to storm off like that and that I’d really like to talk to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You berated him and asked to see him in the same text?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think maybe that wasn’t the best tactic?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey, he’s the one that ran away when I was really, you know, lik,e opened up or whatever you always say I should do and he- he-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He rejected you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, he fucking rejected me! I shouldn’t have to be the one to text him, he should be texting me right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you felt nervousness and anger from him after you told him - did you feel anything else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Surprise, I guess. Which wasn’t too surprising. But mostly anger towards the end. Although-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Although?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It wasn’t only the normal anger that he feels. It was also, I think he was embarrassed too. But what does he have to be embarrassed about? I was the one putting everything on the line."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said yourself that you felt guilty over the fact that he didn’t know you could feel his emotions. You must have known that this was going to be hard for him. Do you think it’s possible that he has some feelings that he would rather you didn’t know about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean? He tells me everything about his life, what would he have to be embarrassed about that I don’t already know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, try to put yourself in his shoes. It doesn’t sound like you got into a long discussion about the greater nuances of your ability, so in his mind, you know exactly how he feels about you. He probably thinks that you know about his romantic feelings and never said anything to him, essentially letting him down easy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh shit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Indeed. I don’t think you’re the only one who feels rejected right now, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, god, yeah, no, no no...I mean, we never- we never talk about that stuff. Which I know is kind of weird for friends - to never talk about dating but. Well, a while ago, we were, like, watching Mad Max and he made some off-handed comment about how hot Tom Hardy is- or well, he clearly wanted it to be off-handed, but he was pretty nervous about it and I just kind of brushed it off. I mean, I made sure he knew I didn’t care and everything but I didn’t make a big deal out of it either. Everyone at school has kind of always known that Adam was gay and I could tell it was something he just wanted to get out of the way, to like, make sure I knew, I guess. And I was still too distracted by balancing everything out at the time to really pay that much attention. Oh, god, I’ve been such a fucking idiot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve been distracted."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but all this time I just assumed that because I could feel his butterflies and we had those moments that we were sort of on the same page. Because, I was on his page, but he- he has no idea! Of course, god, he has no idea at all. I don’t think he even thinks that I’m - well you know, that I don’t mind that he’s- that's he's a boy or- you know what I mean."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve never had your own Tom Hardy moment with him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, Tom Hardy doesn’t really do it for me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who does?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Adam. I know that people are going to call me gay for liking him that way, but I don’t think that I am. I mean, I’m definitely not straight either, but- it just never really came up. Because the only person I think about that way is him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you ever given him any reason to think that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not even a little bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Now do you think you can understand his reaction a little bit more?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. No, I definitely can. God, what am I gonna do? I know how he thinks about stuff - he is a worst case scenario kind of dude so he’s probably thinking that I’ve been making fun of his crush with my teammates or something. When he has no idea that I like him so much it overwhelms anything I’m feeling from him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think you should tell him that. Nothing is ruined, Caleb. You just need to communicate with him. What are you doing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Communicating."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I meant in person, or a phone call. Not texting."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, well, I can’t go to school tomorrow without fixing this and Sunday is his study day so I know he won’t want to come over so this is just gonna have to do, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I’m saying, “I’m sorry that I upset you yesterday but you need to know that I like your feelings. All of them. So you shouldn’t feel weird or anything about the fact that I can feel them. Because it doesn’t have to be weird”. How’s that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re going to send it regardless of what I have to say about better forms of communication, aren’t you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yep."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, well, if there’s nothing else you want to talk about with Adam, why don’t we move on to school. You have finals coming up, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What are you doing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Therapy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We can’t move on from this. I have to wait to see what he says."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, we’ll come back to it once he responds. But who knows when that will be, so we may as well delve into some other subjects."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, if it takes him more than a few minutes to respond then I can assume our friendship and any hope of something more is dead. So then we can talk about that. You’re confused. That’s a weird emotion coming from you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, sorry, I just- I don’t think I especially understand the nuances of text etiquette."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Come on, you’re not that old."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I just mean you’re - what, you're in your early thirties? You must text people right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not really. Occasionally I’ll text with patients about scheduling but I’ve never had a conversation through text."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not even with friends?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uh, no I can’t say I have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh god."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is it Adam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. He says, “How is it not weird? It’s so weird. And humiliating”. Okay, well, that’s not very encouraging."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did you respond?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I asked him what he had to be humiliated about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you know why he’s embarrassed."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but I want to hear it from him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, he says “come on, you must know by now. If you can really feel everything I feel, then you must know. No point beating around the bush about it”."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, that’s very true. I think if you just told him exactly how you feel-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "\"…to be totally honest, I wasn’t sure. Sometimes things get really muddled and it was easy to confuse that with my own feelings\"."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, I’m not sure talking about this through text is making anything any clearer-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh god. He’s calling. Why the hell is he calling me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Probably because this conversation is going nowhere. Pick it up, Caleb, talk to him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?\nWell, like, when I’m feeling something and another person is feeling the same thing, I can’t tell what’s coming from them and what’s coming from them.\nI like you too, okay? Yeah, I could feel something from you but I was never sure because I was always feeling it too. A lot. So you can stop being an idiot and feeling embarrassed because if anyone should feel embarrassed it’s me, the guy who has been so stupid about you that it broke my fucking superpower.\nOh, um, I don’t know that I am.\nIt's not that I’m not into- it’s just you. I like you.\nSo wait, where exactly did your feelings land on this? My thing doesn’t work through the phone.\nYeah, yeah, no, that would be great. Just-um, give me like, half an hour? I’m just- I’m sort of at my therapist right now? But I can be home in like, 20.\nYeah, okay, cool. Um, I’ll see you then. Uh, bye. I’m assuming you heard all that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, he’s not exactly a quiet talker is he?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, no. Not when he gets worked up. Um, so I’m gonna go, if that’s okay? I know we still have like, 30 more minutes in our session but, yeah, uh-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine, Caleb. I’m glad the two of you are working things out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, yeah, me too. And thanks again. You know, for helping me figure out why he was upset."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, you may be a very capable empath but you’re still a teenage boy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What’s that supposed to mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just that you aren’t always going to have everything figured out. And that’s okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. And Adam’s pretty good at figuring out stuff too, so between the two of you, I should be totally okay, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Absolutely."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You, um- he definitely likes me back right? I mean, you heard that too?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Caleb, I daresay he does."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow. Okay. Yeah, I gotta go."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Bye, Caleb. I’ll see you next week. Call me if there are any more problems."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I will. Thanks Dr. Bright!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, that was an eventful 15 minutes. I’m pleased to see that Caleb has not missed out some of the the normal drama of teenage life. It reminds me a bit of when Mark got his first crush and he- well. As Chloe said, Caleb reminds me of him. Anyway, I think this is a wonderful step forward for the patient.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 16 Transcript\n16 - Patient #13-A-3 (Chloe)\nPatient #13-A-3, session 7. Due to the patient’s telepathy, our sessions are now focused on honing her ability, though we occasionally talk on the phone if there is a pressing personal matter. After the past few weeks of phone conversations, I think we have been able to rebuild a certain amount of trust. I am hopeful that she might now consider helping me when Agent Green comes for our meeting next week. While I do have reservations about getting her tangled up in all of this, I think she might be able to access some vital information.\nHi Chloe, come on in.\nHow are you doing today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really great. I think Frank and I made a breakthrough."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? That’s wonderful. Tell me about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, like I told you on the phone, we’ve been going to that art therapy place that you recommended. I signed up to volunteer at their open house and Frank has been willing to go as long as I’m there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, from what you’ve told me, it sounds like he’s really beginning to trust you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I think he is. I think he was a bit confused at first - I mean, I guess it was a little strange for some random college student to take an interest in him - but once we started talking about his art, he got more comfortable around me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And he didn’t find it strange that you knew he was an artist?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t think so. I told him I could just tell and that made him happy. He started thinking about his grandmother - I guess she was an artist too. Not professionally or anything, but she used to tell him that “you can always tell a painter by what they look at”. I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean - I guess it’s just one of those things that grandmas say - but I think I reminded him of her a little bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that something he told you or something you heard in his thoughts?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I heard it. He doesn’t talk about his family very much. Why have you changed your mind?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About me helping Frank - your thinking about him is different now. Before you didn’t think it was a good idea but now- it’s like you’re happy that I’m spending time with him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right - I was hesitant at first. But I think this relationship has been good for you. Because Frank’s thoughts are so fractured, you have to work twice as hard to understand them. I think this has made parsing through the thoughts of everyone else easy by comparison."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that makes sense. Things have been getting easier. Even with Frank, I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. The painting has been making him a lot calmer and that makes it easier to hear him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are his hands doing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They’re doing okay. I’m still not totally sure if it’s a physical injury or something related to his PTSD, but they still shake quite a bit. He’s getting used to holding a paintbrush again, and I think he’ll get there eventually. And yes, he’s staying at the VA now and I think they’re gonna help him get back on his feet. I think that’s helping a lot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m still not quite used to you answering my questions before I even ask them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, it’s perfectly alright."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t understand it, do you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Understand what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why I would use my power like this. You’re thinking about how if you had the power to read minds, you probably wouldn’t use it to help a homeless artist."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, yes, I suppose that’s true."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s nice that you think of him that way really - as an artist. I think he would like that. He never wanted to be in the Marines, you know. But his dad was, so Frank decided to try and make him proud by joining up. He actually ended up liking it in the end. But then his dad got really sick and Frank went to go take care of him after he was discharged and that’s when things started to get bad. I think taking care of his dad had given him a purpose - something to focus on; distract him from thinking about the war. And so when his dad died, Frank’s whole life unraveled. And yes, this is all stuff that I’ve heard in his thoughts, not from him directly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, I wasn’t just thinking about asking."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. But you would have. It’s an important question. I know I’ve completely crossed a line now - digging into someone’s thoughts to find out more about them it’s, well, it’s a huge invasion of privacy, I get that. But it does relate to his art at least- not that that’s an excuse, I guess. But I went looking for the art and found his family history. I wasn’t trying to dig his skeletons up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "His family is the subject of his art - paintings, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, it’s a series. Seven paintings depicting seven different pieces of his life - important pieces."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you mind describing them to me? I understand if you’re not comfortable with that; if you feel it violates Frank’s privacy to share."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, that’s alright. I know you’re not interested in the finer details of his life. Or even the art, really. You want to know how well I see these things in his thoughts, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, that’s it exactly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, then to answer your real question: I don’t see the paintings perfectly clearly. It’s more that I see the colors, the way Frank wants to paint - you know, the intention behind the brushstrokes, the emotion that he’d be putting into it. Like, the first one is blues and greens and it’s soft and comforting. I think that’s the one with the lilies I’ve been seeing. I think it’s for his grandmother. She’s the only person he really thinks of fondly. Well, her and his unit. And he misses her a lot so the painting is kind of bittersweet. But gentle."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are all his paintings that gentle? Focused on happier times?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not at all. The one about his unit is kind of fond, but more aggressive than the one with the lilies. Most of them are dark and angry. Big, violent brushstrokes, a lot of splatter painting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Like Jackson Pollack?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, exactly. But sharper somehow."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And these paintings are about the war I assume?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, mostly. There are three of them specifically about the war, I think. Well, one about his unit and then two others, maybe?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re not sure?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, they’re really similar and they’re right in the middle of the series, so they sort of blur together. But the intentions behind them are a little different. One is when he got injured - it’s pain, pure pain, and it’s physical pain. When he thinks about that one it’s like he wants to claw at the canvas, stab it with his brush. I think he was shot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And the other one?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s more of an emotional pain. Still sand and blood but, I think maybe he lost a friend? It’s really confused - some of the pain is his, some of it is his units’, and then there’s just the general chaos of the war. The violence is still there but it isn’t in his body as much, if that makes sense."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It does."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That one’s the worst I think. Sometimes I’ll hear him thinking about it and I’ll wish for the loud pain of the other one. Which sounds crazy but it’s just-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re thinking about your brother again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Sometimes losing someone we love can be more painful than any physical trials we experience."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But he’s not completely lost, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I don’t think he is. In fact, I think I may be able to get him back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What does that have to do with me? I heard you thinking about me and helping him but I don’t understand."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, your ability - your gift - it could help me save my brother. I know you don’t like to use it to get the upper hand on people but I was hoping you could make an exception."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You want me to listen to someone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "An Agent Green? You want me to spy on what- a cop?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, he’s not a cop exactly. He works for an organization that monitors people like you - people with special abilities."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The AM."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve heard of it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, you were thinking-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right, of course. Sorry I just - normally I would not encourage a patient to look into this organization. They can put people like you in great danger."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But they already know about me. That’s who you were telling about me - not your recorder - but these dangerous people. Why would you do that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t have a choice. If I didn’t report to them on my patients, they would just take them into custody. Believe it or not, these sessions are protecting you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You may believe that, but I don’t. If I hadn’t come to you in the first place, they wouldn’t even know about me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s not exactly true."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My mom? They know about her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But she doesn’t see you and she doesn’t seem to be in danger."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Her ability protects her. Telekinetics are a dime a dozen at The AM. Telepaths however-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s why my mom sent me to you. So I could be an outpatient? What does that mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The AM has a few levels of atypical observation. There are those who are held prisoner by the organization, experimented on - those people tend to have very valuable and strong abilities. Then there are those who are brought in by the organization and then let go - like a rehab center. These are people with pyrokinesis, invisibility, enhanced empathy, certain kinds of prescience or psychic ability - basically anything that the government either has no use for or something they can already do through technology."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The government has psychic technology?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, not exactly. But, for whatever reason, The AM still has a hard time believing in mediums and precognates, despite all the other extraordinary things they’ve seen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, so where do you fit into all of this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Those atypicals that are brought in and then released - those are outpatients. Once they are through their initial program at The AM, they are sent to me - or others like me - who can help them with the day to day struggles that they encounter as a result of their abilities."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And then you report on them? To an organization you hate."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s not a perfect system, but it keeps The AM out of my patients’ hair and they are able to live mostly normal lives."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I was never brought in by any organization."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you’ve been monitored since you were a child."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? And my mother knew. She was the one who told you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Part of me feels as though I should just sit here and think and let you sort it all out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry, I’m just - this is a lot to take in and, as always, you are thinking very fast and it’s a little overwhelming."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You were about 10 years old when I met your mother."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you never met me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I didn’t. But your mother told me about you. She said that The AM had checked in every year, on your birthday, inquiring about any powers you may have displayed. And every year she said no. They - and your mother - assumed that if you had a power, you would be telekinetic. Most abilities are genetic. I actually have a theory that-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I’m sorry, I can hear your thoughts trailing off into science land, but I don’t care about that right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. Vanessa- your mother thought that you were perfectly normal. Her telekinesis appeared when she was a child so she thought you were in the clear. The moment she suspected you might have an ability, she called me. She knew The AM would want to snatch you up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "God, you mean that literally. But if I have such a high-value power as you’ve been thinking, then why doesn’t The AM want to take me now?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They already have a number of telepaths actually. The danger with your power is not the ability itself, but the misuse of it. When a telepath starts displaying symptoms, The AM tries to get them off the streets as soon as possible. Otherwise, a telepath who is confused about their ability or doesn’t know how to control it - as you once were - could unintentionally reveal their power to the general public. And that is The AM’s greatest fear - they thrive on secrecy. So most of their work with outpatients is about maintaining that secrecy. They teach them how to use their abilities, get them to sign an agreement that they will not use their powers in front of others, and monitor them to make sure they aren’t breaking any rules."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, anyone with an ability is basically treated like a criminal?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They don’t frame it like that - they try to explain to atypicals that it is in their best interest to keep their powers a secret. Appeal to images of villagers with pitchforks and what-not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That used to be your job. You used to work for them, and that’s what you did."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. I thought it was good work that I was doing-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You still do. Think that I mean. And, well, it seems like you still do that kind of work."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right- I do still think that it’s good work - keeping an eye on atypicals protects everyone. And in my own private practice, I am able to help my patients. But The AM often has less than noble intentions."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They have your brother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because he’s powerful."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you want me to listen to Agent Green’s thoughts to find out about what they’re doing to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? Chloe I don’t expect-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I want to. I don’t love the idea of spying on someone but- while you’ve been talking about them, you’ve been thinking about the experiments they do. Seeing them in your head, it’s just like watching what goes on in Frank’s head. I’m so tired of seeing people get hurt. If I can do something to help stop that, I will. I mean, I’ll talk it over with my mom first. It seems like she’s been leaving a lot of stuff out of our conversations. But this seems like the right thing to do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, Chloe. I admire your bravery. I know this is crossing the line of doctor and patient so I think it would be best if you stopped seeing me in a formal capacity. You could still come in, and I want you to, but it would be pro bono on my part. I would be a resource for you, not your therapist."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that sounds good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good. I have a meeting with Agent Green next Friday. I was thinking you could sit in the waiting room and listen to his thoughts. I’ll ask some questions to make sure he thinks about Mark. The whole meeting shouldn’t be long. Green is my liaison with The AM - he checks in a few times a year to get updated on my research and any new patients."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Isn’t that a bit of a conflict of interest?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, because the two of you used to-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, I didn’t realize I was thinking about that-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was just kind of running under everything whenever you said his name-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right, yes, well that’s- that’s obviously no longer a concern. And The AM never knew about our..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, uh, let’s practice a bit. Why don’t you go sit out in the waiting room and we’ll use the intercom to do the numbers exercise."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, Chloe, very well done. How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Tired. Listening for that long always wipes me out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand. Why don’t you go home and get some rest. I’ll call you this week to discuss next Friday."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Don’t worry, Dr. Bright. It’s all gonna be fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, Chloe. I hope so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "End of session 7. I am relieved and more than a bit surprised that Chloe agreed to my proposal so easily. I suppose this is one of those instances in which Chloe hearing my thoughts worked in my favor. I don’t know what we’ll be able to glean from Agent Green’s thoughts, but anything is worth trying while Sam and I work on getting her back to Mark.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 17A Transcript\n17A - ID 46942 - Asset 43"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. Why don’t we go into my office."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t mind if I record this, do you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have I ever? I just wish you would allow me to do the same."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You understand though, I’m privy to very sensitive information. I can’t have unsecured recordings just floating around."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I suppose not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let’s get started, shall we? This is Agent Green on behalf of The AM, ID number 46942, speaking with Dr. Bright, asset number 43. This is our eighth meeting to discuss Dr. Bright’s research and the current status of her patients. How are things going, Dr. Bright?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Any particularly important updates on your research?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Now, from your notes it appears that you have two new patients since I last saw you, correct?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And how did you come across these atpyicals?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "One found me through an ad I placed in the paper and the other was referred to me by another atypical."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ah yes that’s patient #13? That’s the Turner girl - interesting genetic anomaly there, isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, both she and her mother are class A so there is still genetic precedence."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "True, and genetics don’t always follow a pattern with atypicals, you know that better than anyone. But she displayed rather late."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As far as we know. It’s possible the ability was dormant - perhaps presenting in the form of an imaginary friend when she was a child or excellent instincts as she grew older. We’ve seen abilities fully bloom in late teens, early twenties like this before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, of course. I imagine you have a theory about the relationship between telekinesis and telepathy?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m working on one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, you and your theories. You know, you never bore me, Doctor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Shall we move on?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. Alright, that takes care of patient #13, so let’s go back to the beginning. Patient #1-A-5- ah yes, the mother, Vanessa Turner. She’s not still seeing you, correct?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Correct. She doesn’t need any help with her ability. I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to my patients by their names. I would like to maintain some semblance of patient confidentiality."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course, of course. Okay, so no change with patient one. Patient #2-B-4. Right, that was one of ours - a pyrokinetic. How are they doing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Much better. The control slips from time to time but the fires are still quite small so no harm is done."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Very good. Alright #3-C-2, which one was that again?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Weather manipulator. They still can only cause a few raindrops and it seems to be tied quite closely with their mood. But it’s gotten better as they’ve gotten older."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Isn’t that always the way? Emotions always seem to get easier with age."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Some emotions anyway. Others just get stronger as they are left to stew."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Okay, #4-A-5, that’s another telekinetic, so unless there have been any changes…? No? Good, moving on. Patient five - that’s a class E? Remind me: why is this one high risk?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um, they’re a psychic. Or, they think they are. I’m constantly trying to handle their delusions of grandeur. Not a danger to society really, just a danger to themselves."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ah. Might want to think about re-categorizing them, that’s a bit confusing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Great. Okay, patient #6-C-1 - oh yes, the shape shifter. One of my favorite abilities."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Shape-shifter might be going too far. They are still in the “changing hair and eye color” phase, but I think there’s a lot of potential there if the patient wants to explore it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, let me know if they start growing a new face. Those ones are always impossible to log into the system. It’s incredibly difficult to decide on just one photo for them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I imagine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, come on, you must remember having to put those subject profiles together. They were such a pain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Indeed. Moving on - patient #7-B-3, emits electrical impulses at a very low level, trying to apply their power to a clean energy project with very mixed results. Patient #8-C-6, invisibility, a teenage subject so sometimes they just disappear when embarrassed but we’re working on it. Patient #9-A-2, another crackpot psychic-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Whoa, whoa, slow down. No need to speed through these. You’re my last meeting of the day, so don’t rush on my account."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just want to get through this as quickly as possible. I have other work to do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t call me that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Please. Can we just talk for once?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Agent Green, you are here on official business so let’s stick to that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Very well. Uh, where were we- patient #10 - another class E."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A potential class E. Astral projection- right now they can simply move outside their body and observe but it’s possible they may eventually be able to move into other bodies so I’m keeping an eye."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Excellent. As always, let me know if anything changes. Patient #11-A-7, basic empath, any problems there?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "None whatsoever."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Patient #12-D-10- oh. This is a new patient. Class D - that’s time manipulation, correct?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And space manipulation."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, I’m sorry, this is a bit of a sore subject for you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A sore subject?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just meant-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it’s a bit of sore subject. Jesus, Green-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry, I'm really sorry, I didn’t mean to be glib about it. You know how terrible I feel about everything that happened."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what a comfort that is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You didn’t even try to do anything. They brought him in and you knew and you didn’t do anything. You didn’t even tell me and by that point we were already- and you just carried on like nothing was different."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, I know. And I know my apologies will never be enough-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, they won’t."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But we are working to figure it out. To get him awake again-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Even if I believed that were true, what then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We’d make good on our promise and release him to you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t believe that for a second. I don’t believe that it was ever The AM’s intention to release Mark to me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course it was."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then why not give me custody now? Put him in a normal hospital where I can visit him, talk to him, hold his hand. Why keep him locked up?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because a normal hospital isn’t equipped to deal with something like that and you know that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But I am. I could get the proper equipment, monitor him, study his brainwaves, try to come up with a solution. I’m better than half the scientists at The AM."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know that but-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "God, we have this argument every single time and every time you say you’re going to put in a request and then I bring it up again and you just evade. It’s what you’ve always done. Just talk around the issue instead of actually coming up with a solution. That’s what makes you such an excellent bureaucrat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, it’s “Dr. Bright” now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What- what do you want from me? You don’t want me to be familiar with you and yet you expect me to do you favors. None of this seems very fair."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fair? How dare you talk to me about fairness. Fair would have been disclosing to me that our bosses had kidnapped my brother. Fair would have been helping me to get him out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, because your jailbreak attempt went so well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe if I had had a little support it would have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And then what? I’m out of a job I love, on the run presumably, and for what? To let a dangerous man run free?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh please, Mark isn’t dangerous. You know that as well as I."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But he could be. If he fell into the wrong hands-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He is not a toy, for God’s sake! No one was going to snatch him up and use him for some evil plot - you all had already taken care of that!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh please, we weren’t using him against anyone - we were just trying to figure out how his ability worked. Good god, I’m going to half to cut out half of this recording-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what a complete mess you made of it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan, he is the only atypical of his kind. His power- well, it’s limitless and you know that. The potential that’s there-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t talk to me about Mark’s potential. You’ve destroyed that. You’ve destroyed any hope that he had to live a normal life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And is that really what you want for him? For all atypicals? For them to lead normal lives?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That wasn’t always your position, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "People change."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They certainly do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think this meeting is over, Agent Green."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I believe I’m the one who decides when the meeting is over, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is my office, Green. If you insist on continuing your cowardly behavior it would be in your best interest to leave. Now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We will get through this, Joan. You, me, and Mark. The AM is taking care of him. He’s in good hands."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let me get the door for you.\nDamien. What the hell are you doing here?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright, is that how you address your patients?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um, oh, no- Damien isn’t a patient. He’s…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I see. Uh, well- well, I guess I should get out of your hair. Leave you to your Friday night. Oh- I’m sorry I didn’t see you there, miss. My goodness, this is a very busy waiting room for a Friday afternoon."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, indeed. Hello Ch- Christine. You’re here to pick up Sarah, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yes, where is Sarah?\nAh, well - well, give her my best. Lovely girl."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Absolutely. Goodbye, Agent Green. Have a pleasant weekend."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Dr. Bright. You as well. Well, all of you. All of you have a nice weekend.\nSure. Bye now.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 17B Transcript\n17B - Patient #13-A-3 (Chloe)\nAlright, Chloe. Are you sure you’re comfortable with this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "As comfortable as I’ll ever be."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s not too late to back out, you know. I wouldn’t hold it against you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think this will help get your brother out?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think there’s a good chance."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Then we’re doing it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright. Thank you. Agent Green should be here in a few minutes. Take this recorder and wait in the bathroom until you hear us come into my office, then go out the other door into the waiting room. I don’t know if he would be able to recognize you in person, but I don’t want to risk it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Why am I recording this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I thought it might be easier for you to talk into it as you listen to Agent Green’s thoughts. It’s faster than writing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But what about Sarah? Won’t she notice what I’m doing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sarah is very good at ignoring many things."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay then. I guess I’ll just-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, just waiting in the bathroom now. This feels very silly. God, I can hear Dr. Bright pacing in her own head. She’s really nervous- ooh, I hear something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Agent Green, come in.\nRight. Why don’t we go into my office."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Aw, he’s thinking about how pretty she looks. Although, I guess, it’s not actually that cute if he’s some sort of evil guy, but I don’t know, it sounded nice. Okay, they seem to be in their meeting now. I guess that means I’m up. (louder)\nSorry Sarah, I know it looks like I’m talking to myself, but it’s um- it’s an exercise that Dr. Bright is having me do. For therapy reasons.\nRight. Okay, so they’re talking now about- oh! About me. This is weird. The agent is thinking about how it’s strange I have a more valuable power than my mother - that’s sort of rude - and he’s thinking about genetics. He’s thinking about why Dr. Bright doesn’t have a power when her brother does. Okay, here we go, come on, think about where Mark is - okay, nope. Now he’s thinking about how cute and smart Dr. Bright is. Jesus, guy, get a grip. Okay, now we’ve moved on to other patients, oh, and he’s thinking about my mother again. I guess he’s met her because I can see her in his thoughts. Except she’s younger. He likes her - thinks she’s nice. Dr. Bright is thinking about her as well, but she’s worried, she doesn’t want to talk about my mother or me- thanks Dr. Bright. I can tell you’re looking out. I think I’m beginning to get why Dr. Bright likes taking notes this way - this is kind of fun. Oh, wow! Someone who can make fire that is so cool. Okay, moving on, god, he thinks almost as fast as she does, I see why they were-\nUm, well, I mean, I’m at her office so…\nYeah, sure.\nSorry, I’m just here to see Dr. Bright-\nI highly doubt that. Sarah? Do you want to intercom Dr. Bright? Maybe let her know who’s in her waiting room?\nWha-? Sarah?\nHow did you-\nExcuse me?\nWhat? No- I mean, yes I can read minds. How did you know that?\nUm, no I can’t.\nMaybe you’re not thinking enough.\nWhat do you mean?\nDo you hear people’s thoughts too?\nYou can make people do whatever you want?\nThat’s immoral.\nThat’s none of your business. Listen, if you don’t have an appointment then you should probably just leave.\nNot particularly.\nI have in fact, my mo- that is also none of your business.\nNo.\nI’m thrilled for you.\nIf you must know, it isn’t complete silence from you.\nWell, I can’t hear what you’re thinking but I can still feel your consciousness.\nCold. Barren. Total wasteland as far as I can tell.\nWell, it’s your mind.\nYes. Feeling everyone’s minds all the time isn’t exactly pleasant to begin with but I would rather stand in a crowd that face whatever’s going on in your head.\nWell, I imagine it’s uncomfortable for you too - not being able to use your twisted power on me.\nI doubt that.\nMaybe if you were a better person, the truth wouldn’t hurt as much.\nYeah, but how are you using it? Like, what would you be making me do right now if your ability worked on me?\nWhat is that supposed to mean?\nAre you trying to tell me you don’t use your power at all?\nI would hate to learn what your definition of “bad” is.\nAnd how would you know that?\nSee what I mean? That would fit into any person’s definition of “bad”.\nOh, I don’t know, maybe I have an appointment.\nExcuse me? Are you following me?\nSure.\nIt’s not bad to want to know if someone is lying to you. You say it’s so hard to deal with someone’s honesty but I do that all the time. People are honest when they think.\nThen stop compelling people.\nYou do know what recovered means right?\nMy ability only started recently and I have had no trouble learning to control myself so forgive me if I don’t buy your excuses.\nWhat?\nHow do you know so much about Dr. Bright? Have you forced her to tell you things about her personal life?\nIt’s hideous. You can’t force someone to tell you their intimate feelings.\nI just hear what someone is already thinking; you make them think things, that’s totally different.\nBut only because you make them. They don’t have a choice either. I doubt many people would thank you for that. Especially Dr. Bright.\nSomehow I doubt she thinks the same about you-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien. What the hell are you doing here?\nUm, oh, no- Damien isn’t a patient. He’s…\nYes, indeed. Hello Ch- Christine. You’re here to pick up Sarah, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, yes. Yep, we were just about to head out.\nUh, bathroom."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Absolutely. Goodbye, Agent Green. Have a pleasant weekend.\nDamien, this is completely crossing the line - Chloe are you alright - what on earth do you think you’re doing?\nOf course. And this has nothing to do with the meeting I just had?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He knows about The AM?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh don’t try to be cute, Damien."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why did you lie to Agent Green about who Damien was just now? They don’t know about Damien? They think he’s a psychic?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, you reading my mind doesn’t actually serve us if you keep relaying everything out loud."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, right. Sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Damien, it would be and don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind. But The AM has never met someone of your ability so if I were to hand you over they would immediately lock you up and experiment on you. Stick you with needles and electrodes and do all manner of things to get the root of the power. And then they would extract it and exploit it for their own gain. And while you are a very irritating, power-tripping man, you aren’t actually the antichrist you aspire to be so I’m willing to put up with you if it means those people don’t gain even more power."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you sure you don’t want to hand him over, Dr. Bright? You’re sure you’re not, you know, under his influence?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Quite sure. His ability wears off fairly quickly and, anyway, I’ve become good at resisting it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But, I don’t know, maybe he could be used as leverage. To get Mark back."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, I’m surprised at you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just meant, he doesn’t seem like a very good guy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, he’s not. And you should definitely stay away from him. But he’s not an evil guy either. He’s just- well, he’s just a bit pathetic to be honest."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you hate him. You’re scared of him. That’s what I heard you thinking when he first- oh, you’re scared of how you feel when you see him, not what he’ll make you do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien’s an ass, yes, but he’s never actually broken any major laws. Well, beyond some petty pickpocketing of my things but- yes, when I see him, talk to him, I just think: what would I do if I had his power? He just uses it to try and spend time with people, only to be disappointed when he realizes they wouldn’t be pretending to like him if he weren’t projecting his own desire for company. Well, now he mostly uses it to skip lines in shops, I think. But if I could do what he does, well, Mark wouldn’t be locked up that’s for sure. I’m not sure what lines I wouldn’t cross."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And that’s what scares you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He really does suck though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, he does. Were you able to hear anything from Agent Green?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I’m sorry, I was listening but then Damien came in and distracted me and- no."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Well, Damien made this particular mess so I may call on him to clean it up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You mean-? Are you sure that’s wise?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are a few more avenues to explore but I don’t want to risk any more people. I certainly don’t want to rope you back into this. Damien is the very definition of expendable. Oh- do you have my recorder?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, yeah, sorry here you go-\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 18 Transcript\n18 - Patient #12-D-10 (Sam)"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, sorry, he’s getting fur all over you - he just wants you to pet him. He’s the neediest cat in existence, I swear. But he’s good company."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s sweet. What’s his name?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Darwin. I got him after my first trip to the Galapagos so…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I assume you’re not talking about physically visiting the islands yourself?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I’ve never even been on an airplane, actually. Always seemed like too much of a risk."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sure. Was Darwin actually there when you went? The scientist, not the cat."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, he was. Very nerdy guy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you for opening your home, Sam. It’s very kind of you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s no problem. It’s actually kind of nice having someone over. I haven’t had a guest in my apartment since, well, ever, actually. And you can stop thanking me, Dr. Bright. I told you, I’m in this for the long haul."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know. It’s just- I’m not used to having a partner in this."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, you and me both."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mind if I record all this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Again, we’ve been over this - I’m okay with being recorded, as long as I know about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. But, seeing as I’m in your space, I wanted to make sure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, well. Thanks. That’s very thoughtful of you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re welcome."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I still don’t really get why you need to record everything. I mean, you’re the only one who ever listens to them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know. But it eases my mind to know that there’s evidence out there. If something were to happen, well, it’s all up in the cloud and backed up on drives. There would be proof that I was here. Proof of the work that I’ve been doing. Proof of the work they’ve been doing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You are the most paranoid person I’ve ever met."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have reason to be. Speaking of which, how have things been going? Any new trips?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, yes, actually. I- I went back. Not on purpose. But I saw him again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? Why didn’t you call me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It only happened last night. And, well, I kind of needed some time to process it. It’s- it’s a big adjustment - having someone with me in the other times."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You spoke to him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, I did. We talked for hours- I was there for nearly three days."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? How is he? Is, uh- is he okay? Being isolated for that long can’t have been good for him-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’s okay. He’s, well, he’s very charming, isn’t he? I wasn’t expecting that for some reason."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I told you we were very different."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, I didn’t mean that. Although, well, yes, you are very different. It’s just- well even despite being, you know, a little unraveled, he was still disarming. I don’t know it was- it was nice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Unraveled? What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just that it was pretty obvious that he hadn’t spoken to another person in a long, long time. We spent almost the whole three days together, except for when I needed to sleep, and sometimes he would be talking away, barely taking time to breathe, and other times he would go very quiet. Kind of, I don’t know, retreat into himself a bit. But I understand that. I think I get like that sometimes too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But he’s- he’s still intact?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "As intact as I am. So, you know, mostly. His mood swings a lot. Has he always been like that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um, no, not particularly. He had his bad moods the same as everyone, but he was mostly pretty even-keeled if a bit optimistic."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that was clear. I’m not sure I’d even be able to smile anymore if I’d been trapped for that long. Actually, I’m not sure I would survive at all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t sell yourself short, Sam. You’re very resilient."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not that, it’s- well, our circumstances are very different, aren’t they? His body is still in a lab somewhere, unconscious, probably hooked up to IVs and monitored by doctors."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As far as we know, yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But my body comes with me. That’s why I had to sleep and he didn’t. He said he never gets tired or hungry - he can’t smell things like I can. And that’s why he was wearing old clothes - era clothes. He’s able to kind of imagine it. It’s what the other time traveler used to do when they would go on trips. Part of the mental deal I guess. The clothes faded after she died, but he was able to get them back after a year or so of trying. He said he was really relieved. He was getting sick of looking down at hospital scrubs all the time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So he has some measure of control over it? Just when I think I have a handle on how Class D powers work-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, you and me both."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why have you not mentioned these physical needs before?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know, it’s not something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. I’ve never had to think about how my ability works because I've never been able to control it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But how have you survived? Some of your trips have been far longer than a human should go without food or water."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. You’re clearly rubbing off on me, because I actually have a theory, for once. I do get hungry - and thirsty - but I think my body enters a sort of stasis when I travel. I don’t get tired as quickly - I only need sleep every few days - and I don’t get really hungry until about a week or so has gone by."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The traveling slows down your metabolism."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But what about water? Surely your system doesn’t slow down so much that you can go a month without water."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Precipitation."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In the trenches - my longest trip - it rained all the time. I can’t pick things up, but sometimes things directed at me still has an effect. Not much of one, but I can usually feel a little something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So when it rains or snows…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just stick out my tongue. And my body also absorbs a lot of moisture I think."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But what if it doesn’t rain?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I find a lake or river or a big fountain in a pinch. Anything that I can submerge myself in. I’ve never been on a trip where I couldn’t find some source of water, thankfully."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And other things that are directed at you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, if someone, say, threw a frisbee towards you - or fired a gun - what would happen?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It goes straight through me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But can you feel it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I don’t know about a frisbee but a bullet, yeah, I can feel it. It doesn’t seem to have a real affect on me, but I can feel it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See what I mean? You are incredibly resilient."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, but I would never survive two years on a trip."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I suppose it’s a blessing that Mark was working with a mental time traveler then."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess so. Though if he’d been working with someone like me, The AM wouldn’t have been able to kill the atypical in the present and leave him there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Very true. Sam - are you afraid of The AM? You can walk away at any time if you feel the risk is too large."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ve spent my whole life afraid, it’s nothing new. I’m not going to walk away. Even before talking to him, I could have never lived with myself if I let someone rot in the past like that. Now that I have talked to him, well, I want to get him out as much as you do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He really made an impression on you, didn’t he?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, yeah. Yeah, he did."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you two talk about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know, lots of things. It’s funny, he was sort of stuck in an 1810 mode of speaking for a bit - very stiff, very formal. I get that - after the trench trip, everything sounded like German to me. I kept saying “danke” to people who were bringing me grief casseroles. But, anyway, the more we talked, the more he started to speak like he was actually from the 21st century. It was really cute- his eyes would light up every time I used slang or an abbreviation or something. So I spent some time just catching him up on all the new terms and shorthands. He was not pleased that “YOLO” was a thing, but he seemed to like “bae” quite a bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You too talked about internet slang? You both were defying the known laws of the universe by existing 200 years ago and you were talking about the merits of the word “bae”?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, yeah. He wanted to know what he’d missed. We did talk about time travel though - I mean, it was the natural ice-breaker. We swapped stories, he told me a little bit about his partner - the other time traveler. Her name was Camille. He misses her a lot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He does?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why does that surprise you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I wouldn’t think he would be fond of anyone in The AM."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, no, he’s definitely not. But she was in the same boat as him. They were both prisoners. You know, comrades in arms. I think he looked up to her as a kind of mentor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t worry, he hasn’t replaced his big sister."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did he- did he talk about me at all?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A little. I mean, we went through all the basic bio stuff, where we grew up, went to school, and he mentioned he had an older sister. That you were the one who first figured out what his power was."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was he surprised when you told him you knew me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I didn’t actually get around to that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? Why not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know, it never seemed like the right moment. He clearly didn’t want to talk about his family and I didn’t really didn't want to talk about mine, so I just let the conversation move on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, you need to tell him you’re working with me. He needs to know that I’m doing everything I can to get him back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, I know, I will. But I don’t want to get his hopes up. What if I can’t figure it out? What if I can go back and visit him and nothing else?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I understand that fear, Sam, I do. But I believe in you. I would never have approached you about helping me if I didn’t think you could do it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s not true."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think we both know you would try anything at least once. You’ve been working on this for years and you’ve never been close. You said that yourself. You were willing to tell me everything - to tell that other patient of yours, the mind reader, everything - without knowing either of us for very long. I think you would have brought me in on this even if there was only a one in one hundred chance that I could help."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right. Though to be fair, it wasn’t entirely my choice to tell my other patient everything. She is a mind reader after all."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, fair enough. She sounds awesome."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to meet her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Really?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can ask her about it. She has become curious about other atypicals after running into one at my office. I know she’d be interested in meeting other people like her. And I think it would be good for you as well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that would be great actually. Probably, I don't know, a little weird, probably. But good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you’ll allow me a therapist moment, you’ve been isolated for very long. I know it’s likely you never would have come back to see me if you had someone else in your life who knew your secret-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, it’s true, isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess so. But I don’t feel that way now. These past few weeks - well, ever since you filled me in, it’s been, fun? Okay, so that’s not the right word, but I don’t know, I don't feel so tense being around another person anymore. Talking to you, trying to figure it all out, it’s been- it's been a nice change. I mean, yes, I would like more friends. Any friends. But talking to Mark was- well it was fun, the most fun I’ve had in my entire life, maybe. I mean, I’ve never met anyone who actually understood what it was like to be me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And I can’t ever understand it. Despite all my knowledge and research, I’ll never truly understand what it’s like to be an atypical. Even though your powers are very different, you and Chloe would be able to relate, I think."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chloe - that’s the mind reader?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. She’s very easy to get along with actually - she uses her power to understand people, empathize with them. It’s very nice."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not how you would use it, I’m guessing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Um, no. Probably not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "See, this is what I mean. Now that you’re more honest with me I’m actually starting to like you. I guess I have a soft spot for the Brights."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I appreciate the sentiment, Sam. But as we’ve established, I am not like my brother. I’ve made a lot of mistakes that he would not be proud of. Working for the organization that kidnapped him would be a big one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure, but he seems like the forgiving sort."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I hope so. Either way, I’m glad he’s met you now. He’ll have a friend when he’s back in the world. I know he may not want to talk to me-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sure that’s not-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, trust me. He saw me at The AM. He will be very angry. If there’s one thing we do share, it’s our stubbornness. I know I’ve already asked a lot of you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If he doesn’t want to see me when he comes back, will you keep an eye on him? I’m not asking you to spy for me or anything, you don’t have to ever speak to me again either if you don’t want, but just make sure that he’s okay. I know you’ll be able to ease him back into things. Help him readjust."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think you’d be able to help him too. You know, you’re not a bad therapist when you don’t have an ulterior motive."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just promise me, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "OK. I promise. So what next?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We keep working on your ability. You’ve been able to go on a fair number of trips on purpose, now it’s just about hitting the target."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But even if I manage to go to where he is on purpose, and stay there, how do I get him back? We can’t touch. He tried to shake my hand and it just went right through."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think I have a theory. Relating to the water exception that seems to exist."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "God, that was fast."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m going to have to do some more research on dimensions, I think. Maybe call in a favor at The AM…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Is that a good idea?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t worry, I won’t mention you. But I need more information. The AM has conducted a lot of research on Class D abilities and we may be able to apply some of it to you even if you are a unique case."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. If you’re sure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Anything is worth a try."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think we’ll agree to disagree on that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fair enough. But should we try working on your target practice?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, so I think there’s a connection between your current mental state..."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ooh, that was interesting."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Where did you go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The French Revolution. Well, one of them anyway. Definitely the late 1700s."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s good. That’s not too far off, geographically or temporally."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess. I’ll keep trying."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You should be very proud Sam. Think about all the progress you’ve made in the past few months. Did you ever think this was possible?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I didn’t. I think it’s been good to have a purpose - something to work towards."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think so too. Alright, I should probably go. Alright, Darwin, you need to get up now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’s fallen asleep on you, hasn’t he?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, he seems to have done. He just jumped up on my lap - I think he got a little scared by you popping in and out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You think he’d be used to by now. Silly cat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ll see what I can figure out in the next week - keep practicing and call me with any major updates. And I’ll come by if I get anywhere with my research?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That sounds good. And, um, let me know if Chloe would be interested in meeting me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right, yes I will."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, here’s you notebook."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You have everything?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Notebook, bag, recorder- oh it’s still on-\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 19 Transcript\n19 - ID 46942 - log 426\nThis is Agent Green, ID number 46942, personal log, week 426. This marks the end of my second week of quarterly check-ins with our outside assets. Most were reporting normally and there have only been 6 new patients this quarter across the board. Asset 17 is recommending one of their patients for our Tier 1 program. It is a young patient with super-strength and her parents are concerned about the child accidentally hurting herself or her siblings. I will be asking Tier 1 if they have availability and if so, I will be recommending her for the two week program. That should be enough to help her settle into her powers without making her miss too much school.\nOther than that, business proceeds as usual. I need to follow up with Asset 43 about two of her patients - a Class D that I failed to get details on and a Class E that I want more information on. It is unlike Asset 43 to mis-categorize a patient so I am not convinced that this subject is a psychic as she claims. It doesn't fit into the Class E category. I’m not sure why I didn’t catch it before but I tend to get distracted during those meetings.\nAgent Green speaking."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(over the phone) Agent Green. It’s Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Joan! I mean, Dr. Bright - I was just thinking about you. Uh, I mean, to what do I owe the pleasure of a call?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wanted to follow up on our meeting last week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wonderful. Wonderful. Goodness, great minds, I was just saying to myself that I needed to follow up on a few things."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Still talking to yourself, Green?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, you know, old habits die hard. And if memory serves, you took a shine to that particular habit, didn’t you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Audio notes have their merits."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, don’t say I never gave you anything."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Indeed. Anyway, I called to ask for a favor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh. Oh, Dr. Bright, I thought we’d addressed this in our meeting-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it’s not that. It’s about my patient - 12-D-10-9"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, good, they were downgraded. Good."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, their control is getting better every day."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And this is another time traveler, yes? You know I’ll have to alert the higher-ups-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it's not a time traveler. Space manipulation. They can walk through walls. Possibly a little more. That’s why I’m calling. I was hoping to get any research The AM has about dimensional travel."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I can’t imagine you need dimensional data for someone who can walk through walls - surely you’d rather look at molecular research?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Actually, yes, send the molecular data along as well. But I want to look into dimensions for a theory I’m working on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah, of course. Okay, yes, I will see what I can do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Agent Green. I appreciate that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s my pleasure. This works best when The AM and its assets are all working together. We want you to have as much information at your disposal as possible. And, in turn, you’ll share your discoveries with me, yes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, so patient twelve has been downgraded to a nine - anything else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not at the moment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wonderful, wonderful. I did have one question for you however - about your Class E patient."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The astral projection-?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, the other one. #5-E-3, the psychic? Why did you categorize them as a high risk atypical?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought we’d been through this. I’ll change their designation if that would make you happy, Agent Green."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just don’t believe that you would assign a psychic as a Class E. Your instincts are so rarely wrong, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Rarely."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, I’d like to take a closer look at his file all the same."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know I prefer to keep the details of my patient files to myself. Boundaries are important."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Indeed they are. But I don’t think your basic report is going to cut it this time. You know all Class E’s need to be registered with us."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you can spy on them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s for the greater good, Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When has anyone touting that line had good intentions, Green?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You know, there's no need to be so cynical."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No need?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can we not do this, please? I’m tired of fighting. And I know you must be too."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m tired of losing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Will you just send all your patient five notes and session recordings over please?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I told you, I will change patient five’s designation. They are none of your concern."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know when you’re lying, Dr. Bright. Fine. You know we have other ways of getting the information we're looking for."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you threatening me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, that depends. Do you want The AM poking around in your computer?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I assumed you were already."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have convinced them it’s unnecessary."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, isn’t that nice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If I give you the information you want you’ll stay out of my files?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, that’s the idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why should I trust you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Either way we get the information we want. Wouldn’t it be nicer to cooperate? The lesser of two evils?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, so you admit to working for an evil agency, now?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s an expression, Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fine. I’m sending over the files now. But stay out the rest of my patients’ business. Is that clear?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t appreciate being strong-armed, Green."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know. And I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. So how have you been, Dr. Bright?\nOkay, then. Talk later, I guess.\nAlright-y, patient five, first name Damien, last name unknown. Hmmm…mental manipulation…oh my, well, this is- this is very interesting…\nHello, may I speak to Damien, please?\nOh, hello, Damien. How are you today?\nWonderful. My name is Agent Green, I’m with an organization called The AM and I’m calling-\nI’m calling from a non-profit science organization-\nYou were referred to us by an independent medical professional-\nI’m sorry?\nSo you’ve heard of us before?\nYes, wonderful, I was just about to suggest that! Why don’t you come into our offices-\nAh, I’m afraid I can’t do that.\nI think it would be irresponsible of me.\nYes. That’s why I’m calling actually-\nWell, you see, we here at The AM specialize in helping people just like you. We have a number of programs that may be of interest to you - private sessions to teach you how to live your life with your ability, seminars discussing the best ways to tell your family and friends, job counseling. We’ll even help you find employment if you have an ability that hinders you from appearing in public.\nWonderful. Then perhaps you’d like to come in and partake in some of our other sessions. Many atypicals have found them extremely helpful.\nOh, of course. I didn’t mean to imply that Dr. Bright was anything less than a very capable doctor. She is. More than capable. She's exemplary even.\nBut it would still be best for you to come in, Mr.- I’m sorry I don’t actually have a last name in the file here.\nVery well. It would still be best for you to come in-\nWell, The AM likes to keep a register of all active atypicals-\nIt’s best for everyone involved if we know who has atypical biology-\nNo need to be paranoid Mr. Damien-\nHave you ever been hospitalized, Mr. Damien? Ever needed any kind of serious medical procedure? No? That’s how you would benefit. Your biology is fundamentally different from everyone else - most medical professionals really wouldn't know what to do with you. Or, worse, they would do something and it would create a terrible chain reaction that could lead to your death. If you’re registered with us, we will get a notification from any hospital that admits you and we will be able to provide the necessary medical information to get you your proper help. When was the last time you had a physical? We can provide healthcare, free mental health counseling - which I take it you are already benefitting from - and dozens of other resources that you can’t find anywhere else. Think of it as being part of an exclusive club. You join, you get perks. You don’t and you take unnecessary risk. You’re a healthy young man right now, Damien, but you will age, like everyone, and mental abilities like yours don’t always hold up in advanced aging - we’ve seen serious deterioration from some of our older patients in your category. Wouldn’t it be best to not have to face that all alone?\nWell, I wouldn’t put it quite so dramatically, but sure.\nDr. Bright would want you to do what’s best for your welfare.\nHow about we compromise. You don’t have to come in right now, but I’ll call you every week to check in, I'll tell you a little bit more about what we do here and maybe then you can let go of this crazy conspiracy that you and Joan have.\nI’ve known her much longer than you, Damien.\nWhat exactly is the nature of your relationship with Dr. Bright?\nWell, that didn’t go exactly as planned. Asset 43 has clearly been influencing her patient with her own feelings of our organization. Unfortunate, but probably not her fault. I imagine her sessions with Damien are quite trying. I will mark him down as “contacted but not registered” and call him again next week to begin wearing him down. End of log.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 21 Transcript\n21 - friday, coffee w/ sam\nAre you recording this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uh, yeah, is that okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, sure, that’s fine. Can I ask why? Is Dr. Bright’s paranoia rubbing off on you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, no, it's not that. It was her idea though. After - well did she tell you about the whole debacle with Agent Green?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, a little bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right, well, Dr. Bright had me recording my thoughts out loud before it all went sideways and it was kind of fun. When I mentioned that to her, she thought it might actually be a good exercise for me. You know what I can do, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. It’s pretty cool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, sometimes. But it also makes carrying on conversation kind of hard. So now if I’m talking to someone, I record the conversation, so I can listen back and piece it together with the thoughts I was hearing from them while we were talking."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Wow, that’s a really good idea."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Dr. Bright seems full of those. Or- ideas at least. I’m not sure they’re always good ones."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, she’s, well, she’s kind of intense, right? I mean, we’ve been spending a lot of time together recently as, I don't know, time travel vigilantes? And she never seems to switch her brain off. I know for a fact that right now she’s sorting through a mountain of dimensional research trying to figure out how I occupy space in the past, or something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wow, and you think mind reading is cool? I’d say that’s pretty amazing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s starting to be, I think. I mean, it was amazing at first, all those years ago. But then, well, the trips got really hard and started happening all the time, and it became a part of my life that I just didn’t want to participate in anymore."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why? Oh. Oh, that’s awful, I’m so sorry, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Did you just read my thoughts?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uh, yes. Yeah, I did. Sorry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, it's- it’s okay. It’s actually nice to have someone know without having to go through the whole terrible story again. This is kind of weird, right? I mean, do you know other people like us? Other atypicals?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, a few."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really? How?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, it’s genetic a lot of the time, apparently. So, I got my power from my mom. She’s not a telepath - she’s a telekinetic."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, neat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, she’s really great. She’s got the most perfect control over her power - better than anyone I’ve ever met."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who are the others?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, there’s that other patient of Dr. Bright’s. Damien? Yeah, he’s a piece of work."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright has mentioned him. She says she might need to use him to help Mark but that I am under no circumstances to ever talk to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, that’s good advice. I’ve met him a few times - our powers don’t work on each other - and never seeing his face again would be too soon."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’s really that bad, huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s just creepy. Like, I know that he’s potentially really dangerous because of what he can do, but he doesn’t seem to actually use it for very much. And it’s so frustrating talking to him. I’ve gotten kind of used to interacting with people when I can hear their thoughts and it’s really annoying not having my footing with someone, you know?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I’ve never felt like I have my footing. Interacting with people isn’t exactly a strength of mine. Or something I enjoy. Or even something I really ever do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is going okay, though, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, yeah, I mean, there’s less pressure than there was before. I’m not so worried anymore that I’m going to disappear at any moment and, well, talking to a mind reader is actually kind of great. Because if I say something wrong, or can’t think of anything to say, you’ll know what I’m trying to say. Does that make sense?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, I think so. You’ve never really had friends before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is it that obvious?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be blunt. I’m just, you know, listening."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Uh, yeah, I think the last time I was out for coffee with someone was freshman year?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of college?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of high school."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Whoa."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wait, who’s the guy in your head right now? He looks familiar."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re thinking of a new friend maybe? Or wait, no- oh sorry, is this a fantasy?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? No, no, god-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sorry, I just thought- with the old fashioned clothes-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, that’s-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, that’s Mark!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Shh."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sorry. That’s Dr. Bright’s brother - that’s why he looks familiar. Oh, he is cute. I’d always wondered."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But if you saw him in Dr. Bright’s head?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right, yeah, I did, but it was the way that she perceives him. So he was a bit younger and I don’t know, I couldn’t tell if he was handsome or not because it’s not exactly like Dr. Bright sees her brother that way."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So people’s perceptions of things shape the way you see them? Hear them?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, of course. Don’t worry, you’re basically the same in person as you are in Dr. Bright’s head."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, that’s good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think so. So what’s he like?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who? Mark?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah. I can’t even imagine what another Bright would be like."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’s- you were right, before. I do consider him kind of a new friend. I mean, I’ve only gone back four times and the first time I came back before I was even able to speak to him, but he’s- he’s really charming. And funny. And smart."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He understands you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. How-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Telepath, remember?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. I’m not like you. My parents weren’t different as far as I know and, well, even if they were..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ve been alone a long time. It’s hard to connect with people when you’ve got this huge thing standing in the way. Even now that I’ve got it under control a little bit, it’s still- well, I’m just used to being a certain way, you know? And Mark gets that. He knows what it’s like to be trapped in the past. To have no control over your own body. Sorry, I didn’t mean to unload all of that on you. There aren’t a lot of people I can talk to about this kind of stuff. I never know when I’m going to see Mark and Dr. Bright is kind of laser-focused on the mission now so…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, that’s why she wanted you to meet me right? So I could be a sympathetic ear."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She told you that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, no, I heard it just now. Don’t worry, I’m not doing this as a favor or out of pity or anything. I wanted to meet you too. And despite what you’re thinking, it hasn't always been easy for me either. Yes, my ability makes it easier for me to connect with people, but only now that I have some amount of control over it. Before it was like having a constant crowd in my head. I thought I was going crazy. And then I thought I was hearing angels and everyone else thought I was going crazy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m just saying, you’re not alone. There’s me and my mom and Caleb and I think a bunch of other people too who understand what it’s like to have something going on in your body that you can’t explain."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who’s Caleb?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, he’s the other atypical I know. He’s an empath - he feels other people’s feelings - so we really get each other, you know? I met him a few weeks ago and we’ve gotten to know each other a bit. He’s still in high school but he’s pretty cool. He’s actually going to come volunteer with me at this art therapy place I work at sometimes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, you’re an artist?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, it’s my major currently. But I don’t know, I’m thinking about maybe switching to social work. Or doubling, who knows. Oh, and no, I’m not going to art therapy myself. I have a friend who was in the war and I’ve been taking him. It seems like it’s been helping with his PTSD. I don’t know if it would help with you. I mean, your war experience has been so different, but maybe it’s worth a try? You’re more than welcome to come, I’m sure Caleb and Frank would both love to meet you. Oh, sorry. That was a lot to dump on you at once, wasn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I, um, yeah, wow that’s-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is why the recorder helps. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m having a whole conversation with someone without them saying a word."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. It's okay. Um, thank you. For inviting me, that is. That’s really nice of you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No problem. You’re not going to come, are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It sounds like maybe a bit too much for me right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure, of course. No pressure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, is Frank an atypical too?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. Well. No. I don’t think so. I don’t know, it’s strange, but ever since getting to know Caleb - seeing inside his head, what feeling other peoples’ emotions is like- well, sometimes I see similar stuff in Frank’s thoughts. Which isn’t unheard of. You know, everyone is on the spectrum of empathy or whatever and sometimes people are just naturally more empathetic than others but with Frank it’s so strong sometimes. And I didn’t really know what it was at first, but now that I’ve gotten used to the way he thinks and I’m seeing how Caleb thinks about his ability, the two seem related in some way. I don’t know, I’m probably reading a bit too much into it. Frank has a lot going on in his head and sometimes I can’t see the trees for the forest, you know?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really, sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, that’s okay. I’m babbling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, if he’s not special, how did you get to know Frank?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, he is special, to me anyway, even if he’s not like us. It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it that way. But he’s- I mean, he’s been through a lot, so I guess I sort of felt bad for him when I first saw his thoughts but now it’s- he’s a really good guy. And he’s such an amazing artist. I mean, he’s still not painting that much because he has this issue with his hands, but we sit there for hours and he describes these paintings to me and I’m his hands. He’s able to do some of the less specific brush work and I take care of the details. And he’s been so happy with the result so far. I mean, he has no idea that the reason they’re coming out so well is because I can see them in perfect living color in his head, but every time I get something right or he finishes describing a certain piece of it, it’s like a weight is lifted inside of him. And it’s one of the few times during my week where I feel like my mind isn’t being invaded by everyone else’s. Being at home with my mom, being in studio, and painting with Frank - those are the times I feel like my mind is in harmony with itself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That sounds really nice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It is. Talking to Mark has been like that for you, hasn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, yeah. Yeah, it has. I hate that he’s trapped there but whenever I do manage to get back, he always greets me with the biggest smile and jumps right back into where we left off in our conversation. And then we just talk for hours. I’m able to tell him things that I haven’t told anyone else. And I don’t mean the really bad stuff - he doesn’t know about my parents or the trenches or how bad the attacks get sometimes - but it’s everything else. All those thoughts and secrets I’ve been keeping to myself for all these years. I can tell him because he understands. And not just because he’s time traveled too. He just understands."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s a good feeling, isn’t it? Having someone know you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah it is. Telling Mark about me, talking to him, has made me more me in a way? I know that sounds stupid, but I think- I think somewhere amongst all the tragedy, and the panic, and the loneliness, I forgot how to be a person. Or, at least, the person I can be. And now I feel like I’m waking up for the first time in a decade. Does that- do you get that at all?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I really, really do actually. Except sometimes I feel like I’m too many people. If I spend a lot of time around someone, their thoughts will sink into my head and kind of take over when I’m not paying attention. Like, I’ll have dreams about Caleb’s boyfriend or nightmares about the war. I’ve even found myself wondering about scientific questions that I don’t even have the necessary knowledge to ask. And it’s easy to lose myself in all the noise. But then I realized, that’s who I am now. This current version of me, this right-now Chloe, is the girl that has a bunch of other peoples’ thoughts in her head. And that’s okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I like that. That’s a good way of looking at things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So what version of Sam are you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not sure yet. The Sam who’s learned to live with her unique situation? Sam who actually maybe wants to spend time with people? The Sam who’s going to bring someone back to the future? Whatever I am, I think what’s important is that I finally have options."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And that’s terrifying on it’s own."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But it’s not terrifying in the same way as before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You read my mind."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is pretty heavy coffee conversation. Do you ever stop and wonder when your life got so weird? No, right, of course not, you’ve been dealing with this for practically your whole life. God, I can’t imagine that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know, my life has definitely increased in weirdness in the past few months. I never thought I could tell anybody about my ability, let alone that I would find other people who are like me. It’s, well, it’s really nice actually. This has been really nice. Talking to you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, it has. Caleb’s great but he’s still basically a kid. It’s nice to talk to another woman around my age about this stuff. Actually, it’s just nice to talk to another woman around my age in general. I haven’t been spending a lot of time with my peers since the voices started up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you’re still in college right? Is that going okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s starting to. I’ve been easing back in but it’s still hard to be in large groups of other students. And, honestly, even hanging out with my old friends one-on-one is sort of impossible. They don’t know about what I can do but they can tell that something is off. I can hear everything they’re thinking and I just- I feel so guilty about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That sounds tough."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, but at least I have my mom, and Dr. Bright, and Frank, who’s too focused on getting better to notice that I’m a little weird. And now I know you and Caleb too. There are a lot of people out there struggling with things who have a lot less. I’m lucky."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "God, I don’t know how you do it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Optimism isn’t your go-to is it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Definitely not. Do you think you’ll ever tell your friends about you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know. I mean, I’m not sure they’d understand. I know they love me but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried they would freak out and leave."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sometimes it’s easier to just not take the risk, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. I keep waiting for a moment when I’m going to feel comfortable with the way I am. Like, I’m just going to wake up one day and be completely in control and have everything back to normal. But that’s never going to happen is it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. Dr. Bright and I have spent a lot of time talking about acceptance. She’s told me that, even if I do get my ability totally under control, I might still have the occasional panic attack and leave without meaning to. And that I should try to accept that. Life is going to be stressful. Bad things are going to happen. It’s about how you respond that matters and that’s- that's what I’m trying to figure out. Hey, are you okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uh, yeah, sorry, someone over in the corner has started doing their taxes? Or balancing their budget or something? Whatever it is, it’s giving me a headache. I hate math."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry. Should we- should we go?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you mind?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not at all, let’s-\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 22 Transcript\n22 - Telephone\n(over the phone) Hello?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think I figured it out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright? What time is it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry to call so late, Sam, but I think I know how we’re going to get Mark back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? How? What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You and Mark are in different places."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. He’s in the past and I’m in the present."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, you’re in different dimensions. You’re occupying completely different planes of the universe, even when you are both in 1810."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When someone time travels they move into a separate plane of existence. Time is happening all at once, all the time, so when you go back in time you are actually just moving laterally into a different dimension. Or, that’s the theory anyway."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry, I’m totally lost."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Think of the space you occupy in the world as a bubble. Every person occupies their own personal bubble of time and space. These bubbles - these circles - overlap to form a Venn diagram. That’s the present day. Your circle and my circle are separate and unique - we can’t exist simultaneously in the same exact space in the universe and we’ve both been on earth and will be on earth for a specific set of time, but our circles overlap and their point of connection is the present day. Do you follow?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I think so?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When you’re in the present, you are able to occupy that middle part of the Venn diagram. You can interact with the world around you - you’re solid. But when you’re in the past, you’re stuck in your separate part of the circle. You can’t get to the middle bit, you’re just looking in. And it’s a one way window: you can see out into the past but the past can’t see into your circle."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But Mark can see me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s because he’s in the same position but on the opposite side. And it’s as if there’s a window you can see through at the point where your two circles connect. Not where they overlap but the point where the two circles first collide."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, okay, just, uh, just give me a second."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I’m here, I’m just drawing a Venn diagram to try and get an idea of what you’re talking about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When you time travel, you’re not leaving your circle to go into other circles of time. I think you’re simply opening a window into the past."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I go away. Looking through a window would make sense for mental time travelers but my body leaves."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think you enter some kind of middle dimension. One in which time doesn’t exist. Or, at least, it exists differently. That’s why when you come back so little time has passed."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I think I understand what you’re getting at. But I still don’t see how that’s going to help Mark."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You need to reach through that point of contact - the moment where the lines cross before overlapping - and pull him out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, but we’re not actually in circles."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I’m still speaking metaphorically."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, so how do I not metaphorically reach across that line- isn’t that- isn’t that reaching into another dimension?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. It is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And how the hell am I supposed to do that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You do it all the time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The water, Sam. For some reason, water - and bullets apparently- permeate the edges of your dimension. They aren’t contained by their time circle."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That, I don’t know. Maybe the veil between dimensions is porous, maybe if something moves fast enough it can break through. I’m not sure. I have a feeling there are things about your power we are never going to understand. But I think if you and Mark went into a lake or pond together, you might be able to use the water as a conduit to reach through to his dimension and pull him back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Really? Going for a swim is the solution?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, not entirely. You’ll need to exercise a greater amount of control over your ability than you’ve had so far and there’s still the matter of getting his body out of The AM, but I think we may have solved the hardest piece of the puzzle."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, um, okay. Are you sure it’ll work?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. But it’s the best theory I’ve got."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, well that- that sounds good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry, Sam. Go back to sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Goodnight, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodnight, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think Dr. Bright found a way to get Mark back.\nUhh, I’m still not entirely sure. She called me at midnight last night talking about dimensions and Venn diagrams and water acting as some sort of inter dimensional bridge? I don’t know, I’m getting ready to head over there now to talk to her about it.\nAnd I thought you couldn’t read my mind through the phone.\nI guess I’m just worried about it actually working. I mean, Mark and I haven’t talked that much about getting him out. Lately, it’s like we both choose to ignore the reality of his situation when I’m there.\nYes, exactly! And, well, I haven’t told him yet that I’m working with Dr. Bright-\nI don’t know. After I didn’t tell him that first trip it just got harder and harder to bring it up. It started to feel like a lie, you know? And I just- I wanted this one thing for myself - it’s been so wonderful getting to know him and I know I’m going to have to tell him eventually but I don’t want it to be about that. I don’t want him to want to talk to me because I’m the person getting him out. I want him to want to talk to me for me. I know that that’s selfish but-\nYeah. I’ve vaguely mentioned that I’m looking into solutions. But I haven’t wanted to make it seem too real, yet. I’ll tell him once we get it all figured out. Once we feel as confident as we can that it’ll work. I just, I don’t want to make promises to him I can’t keep. I don’t think I could stand to disappoint him.\nWhat do you mean?\nWhat? No- what? That’s- I mean, that’s just- It’s really obvious, isn’t it?\nHow are you doing this?\nYeah, it’s making me nervous. Because no, we haven’t talked about it and we met under the most messed up circumstances possible and I don’t know how to do this-\nBut it’s just- I don’t know, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before! And it’s not the time travel thing or the fact that he literally has no one else to talk to - though that is definitely cause for concern - it’s. I’ve never met anyone like him before. And I know I’ve barely met any people at all, but even in my most indulgent daydreams I never thought- I never thought it would be like this. I never understood it - what everyone was always losing their heads over. But he’s- he’s so kind and funny and smart and spontaneous and he makes me feel like maybe I’m not this weird, out of place person. Like, being with him, it’s like being home.\nI don’t know. Like I said, we’ve never talked about it. But sometimes- yeah, sometimes I think that maybe he feels the same way. The way he says my name and the way he smiles at me sometimes and we do talk about the future a bit. Like what we would do if he could get back to the present.\nYeah. We talk about going on a road trip, you know, across the country. He misses his camera so much - and he wants to photograph every state. He’s already traveled quite a lot, but he’s never done a big road trip. And I’ve never been anywhere. Well, okay, I mean, I’ve been lots of places, but I’ve never seen modern-day New York or California with people. And I haven’t been in a car for a long period of time in 10 years. Mark wants to teach me to drive.\nYeah, it does. It does, right?\nI’ve never done this before! Any of this! I don’t know how to- you know, it’s been sort of a relief, not being able to touch. It’s not that I don’t want to- it’s, ugh, this is so embarrassing.\nWhat do I do when I see him for real? Like his actual physical person in the present day. Do I give him a hug? Do I shake his hand?\nI think- I think it might be nice to hug him. Or kiss him or- I don’t know how to do any of this.\nMm-hm. Um, I’ve- I’ve never actually kissed anyone before. I know that that’s strange for a 25 year old - like, there must be something wrong with her, right?\nI think so. God, this is such a stupid thing to be fixating on! I’m about to go talk to a brilliant scientist about inter-dimensional travel and I’m hung up on my first kiss.\nYeah. It’s like my brain finally has room for other things now that it’s not full of anxiety 24/7. I’m sorry, I’ve totally talked your ear off and now I’ve got to run and grab the bus.\nThat- that sounds really nice. Thank you, Chlo. It means a lot.\nOkay - go have fun hearing everyone’s thoughts.\nBye."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Damien.\nIt’s been over a month since you’ve been in - I was growing concerned.\nDamien-\nHave they come after you?\nI’m glad to hear that.\nI know. I’m- I’m sorry.\nI’m apologizing. Both for that and the way I spoke to you last time we saw each other. I may have my own complicated feelings about you but the things I said were out of line.\nI need your help.\nYes. I want to break him out of The AM and I want you to help me do it.\nI know.\nI am willing to return the favor.\nWhat do you want?\nYou are my only option at this point, Damien. I am no longer welcome on the premises of The AM facility. I would be detained immediately upon arrival.\nYes. Besides, you should have no trouble getting past the guards. Just will them to ignore you.\nWhat do you want? Full access to my research? Sessions every day? Name your price, Damien. I’m sure we can work something out.\nI’m sorry?\nFine. But it might take a while - I’m not currently familiar with anyone else of your talents. I need you to follow through on your end of the bargain first.\nYes. Two weeks from today would be the ideal time. Saturdays are always pretty quiet at The AM and it will be doubly so because of the holiday weekend. If you go in after hours there should be minimal security. I have floor plans of the whole facility - I’ll show you the fastest route in and out. The whole thing shouldn’t take more than a half hour.\nBecause, Damien, you were right. As reluctant as I am to admit it, you are my closest friend. I don’t have any other options.\nI know. But I’m the closest I’ve ever been to getting my brother back and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. And I know you understand that if you do anything to compromise his safety or screw us over I will help The AM track you down and lock you up for the rest of your days.\nSo you’ll do it?\nGood. I’ll call you in a few days.\nYou’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Joan Bright. If this is to schedule an appointment, please press one to speak to Sarah. Otherwise, please leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 23 Transcript\n23 - Patient #11-A-7 (Caleb)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, Caleb, take a seat.\nI’m happy to do it, Caleb. You sounded very distressed on the phone. What’s going on?\nYes. And while I’m happy the two of you are bonding, I am still not pleased with the circumstances of your first meeting.\nCaleb, I understand the curiosity, but some of the people in my world are- well, there are some people I would rather you didn’t come into contact with. I’m just trying to look out for you.\nYou haven’t run into Damien again have you?\nYes. Frank.\nYes, she’s told me about their art sessions. It sounds like it’s helping him quite a bit.\nHave you been able to balance them at all over time?\nReally? That’s quite an extreme physical reaction. You haven’t experienced anything like that since your ability first presented.\nYes, I think I’m familiar.\nHm. I’ve never heard of anything like that happening in an empath before. But I don’t follow - what does this have to do with Chloe and Adam?\nThe Drs. Hayes, I suppose. What did Chloe see?\nIt isn’t unusual for the military to hire scientists.\nIs that what’s causing you concern? That Adam’s parents work in an area he doesn’t approve of?\nChloe got all this from their thoughts by mentioning Frank?\nI didn’t know that.\nThe AM? Chloe saw The AM’s logo in the Hayes’ thoughts?\nIs she certain?\nShe should have called me.\nI understand that impulse. If your boyfriend’s parents work for The AM then-\nI’m sorry?\nWhat?\nYes. Yes that’s true. So Adam’s parents are working with the military and The AM to experiment with Class A atypicals who are also soldiers? I’m sorry, that’s a bit of a hard story to swallow. I don’t think there are enough known Class A atypicals to populate the military.\nThat’s a pretty serious accusation.\nThat’s what she saw in the Hayes’ thoughts? That they were experimenting on Frank’s empathy?\nWell, I’ll have to follow up with Chloe myself but this is certainly cause for concern.\nHave you talked to Adam?\nWhat did you text him?\nI don’t want you to grow paranoid Caleb. I know that Chloe has learned a lot about The AM in these past few weeks - and I’m very much responsible for that - but I don’t want her filling your head with fears.\nHave Adam’s parents ever treated you differently?\nThat’s good. I don’t want you to fret too much Caleb, but it might be good to keep the Hayes ignorant of your ability. At least until we found out more.\nI’ll make some inquiries. Your safety is very important to me.\nI understand your worry, Caleb, I do. But from everything you’ve told me, Adam cares for you very much. I don’t think he would let his parents’ work affect your relationship.\nDid you tell him?\nI think that would be a good idea. How have things been going with you two in general?\nHow so?\nAnd that’s causing tension between you two?\nI know he was sad before you two started spending time together, but I thought it had improved somewhat?\nHow long have you two been dating?\nAh, yes. That sounds about right.\nThe honeymoon period is over. When you first start a relationship with someone, everything is new and exciting. It’s easy to ignore the things that might complicate the relationship. Now that you two are settled into it a bit, life is starting to come back into play. Neither your nor Adam’s personal challenges disappear just because you’re together.\nI know. Just remember to communicate. You may never be able to understand his depression and he may never understand what it’s like to have an ability like yours, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be there for each other.\nI’m familiar with the feeling. Was that the door?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(through the door) Hello? Caleb?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You must be Adam. I’m Dr. Bright. Caleb is in here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I walked over here from my aunt’s house. What the hell happened with Chloe today? She was acting sort of strange when we saw her earlier but I just kind of assumed it was Chloe being Chloe.\nYeah, that they work for the military? That’s ridiculous.\nThey work at a hospital. Because they’re doctors.\nThe- the one over on First. I don’t know, does it matter?\nThey don’t talk about it - a lot of the research they do is confidential.\nHey, those are my parents!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Gentlemen, let’s try to remain civil please."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. I have some files that need sorting anyway."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I- I did tell them about you.\nWell, after I first found out, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going completely crazy so I asked my mom if it was neurologically possible. And she talked about all this theoretical stuff that mostly went over my head but it made me realize that you weren’t messing with me.\nYou haven’t given me a lot to go on, okay, Caleb? You don’t tell me how I can make things easier for you so I had to do some independent research. I was trying to be a good boyfriend.\nI’m sorry, I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. It’s just my mom! It’s not like I told the whole world.\nWhat the hell are you talking about? Caleb, my parents aren’t dangerous, they would never hurt you-\nWhat do you mean?\nCaleb, nothing’s going to happen to you-\nOkay, I’ll walk you home-\nCaleb, you’re acting like I betrayed you. I didn’t do anything wrong, I lo- I- you mean a lot to me. I don’t want you to shut out-\nCaleb-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, is everything all right?\nIt’s no problem. Are you going to be okay getting home?\nOkay. I’ll see you tomorrow for your regular session."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Caleb, please, I don’t know what’s going on. Can you please just talk to me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to sit down, Adam? You look a little faint."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, that would be good. What just happened?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m afraid I don’t know. I couldn’t hear what the two of you were discussing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think he maybe just broke up with me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb has had a stressful day. Just give him some space and I’m sure you two will be able to sort things out. Would you like to me call someone to come pick you up?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Oh, um, no, that’s okay. I’ll text my parents. They should be on their way back from my aunt’s anyway.\nWhat did he tell you? What did Chloe see?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry, I can’t tell you what Caleb said in our session."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, of course, sorry. The whole therapist code and everything. My parents keep trying to get me to see a therapist."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t want to?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. I mean, I know you’ve helped Caleb a lot. But that’s Caleb. He doesn’t have emotional problems, he just feels the emotional problems of others. It’s different."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just because someone is an atypical doesn’t mean they don’t have their own burdens to bear. Talking to someone can be helpful no matter what you’re going through."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess. But whenever my parents bring it up, they talk about all this stuff - CBT and group therapy and medication and it’s all a bit..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Scary?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? No, I’m not scared. I just don’t think I need all that stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Going to therapy or using medication doesn’t make you a weak person, Adam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but Caleb doesn’t do group or take meds or any of that stuff. I know he and his mom asked when he first started seeing you. But not like the golden boy needs meds or anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My patients are unique. Sometimes frustratingly so. While medication isn’t always the solution, it can be very helpful for certain individuals. But science hasn’t quite caught up to atypicals. I’ve met many atypicals who would benefit from pharmaceuticals, but they just don’t work. We don’t have a good enough understanding of the neurology yet. But regardless of what Caleb’s options or modes of coping are, you and he are not the same person. You can’t compare your situation with another’s - your difficulties are different and so your ways of dealing with them will be different too. But not dealing with them at all will get you nowhere."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you think I should listen to my parents?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think you shouldn’t feel afraid to seek help. I can’t offer any official advice - I’m not your therapist nor could I be. I am very specialized, after all. But I can give you some names, if you’d like."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay. Do you think Caleb will stay my boyfriend if I stop being depressed?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think Caleb cares about you as the complete person you are. But he’s not a superhero. He won’t always be able to make you feel better. And that’s okay. Atypical or no, you’re both human. You’re going to make mistakes; just go easy on each other."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s my mom. Thanks, Dr. Bright. It was nice talking to you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re welcome, Adam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Caleb’s not in danger, right? I mean, he’s just being paranoid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know, Adam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "End of session- I’m not sure what to do, honestly. I’ll have to...I’ll look into it.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 24 Transcript\n24 - Zero Hour"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, let’s go over the plan one more time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The recorder’s on?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you nervous?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nervous? Um, am I nervous? Yeah, yeah, I’m nervous. I'm really, really nervous."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Everything is going to be fine. You’ve gotten the jump down perfectly. It will be just like all those other times you’ve gone to see Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Seven out of nine. That’s how many times I’ve gone back on purpose. That’s pretty good, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s excellent. Okay, we still have about an hour until Damien is supposed to call-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you sure about him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, it’s a little late to call him off now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "True, but- I don’t know, aren’t you worried he’s going to mess everything up?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why would he? Damien doesn’t cause trouble for the sake of trouble. At least not since I’ve known him. He behaves badly in order to make whatever selfish gains he needs to or because he thinks it’s what expected of him. Which it is, I suppose, but it’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. So he’s not going to - I don’t know, go in there and kill a bunch of guards for the fun of it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Lord, no. He knows that deviating the plan could land him in the cell right next to Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Speaking of the plan-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. Damien is going to enter here - there’s only one guard at this gate and then another at the entrance. He’ll have to persuade a guard to give him their key card and then from there he’ll take the East stairway down to the sub-basement. Then it’s just a matter of walking into the secure area and opening Mark’s cell."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, sure. Easy-peasy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The highest security levels are manned by guards, not protected by keypads or locks. Which actually works better for us - Damien won’t need any codes to get through."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That- that really doesn’t sound like very much security for something like The AM."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s easier to protect something when no one knows it exists."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What were you expecting?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know - lasers? A moat? Mutant dogs? You’ve made The AM sound pretty super-villain-y"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sorry to disillusion you, but it’s a pretty basic government building."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And you’re sure The AM hasn’t updated their security system in two years? That seems unlikely."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Bureaucracy moves very slowly, Sam. They’d just installed a brand new system before I left - there’s no way they’ve gotten around to another update."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wait, won’t Damien’s power wear off the guards eventually? They’ll come looking for him right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not if he’s in and out in fifteen minutes. We’ve been practicing and his control is getting better."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’ve been helping him improve his ability?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Only as much as we need."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jesus, Dr. Bright. Okay, so we have fifteen minutes to make this work."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. Which is why the moment Damien enters the sub-basement, you make the jump. You can spend as much time as you want in 1810 to prepare to pull Mark back but, once you do, you need to come to the same time you left. Or as close as you can get. We can’t have Damien waiting around for Mark to wake up. I doubt Damien would be able to carry him and I don’t like the idea of him having custody over an unconscious Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, okay. And then- then they come here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly. Mark will be in bad shape I imagine - bed sores are going to be the least of our troubles. He’ll recuperate here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You really think a tiny motel room is the best place for him to recover?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s discrete and in the opposite direction from the city. They won’t look for us here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But they will look for us, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. But they won’t be able to prove either of our involvement. And you and Mark will be off on your road trip soon enough so it will blow over. They have bigger fish to fry and they know they messed up with this one. I think they’ll eventually let it go."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s optimistic. I still don’t like the idea of leaving you here for months."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine, Sam. I need to look after my other patients and you need to go see the world. Or at least the country. And spend the mountains of money you apparently have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s amazing the money you can accrue when you don’t spend any for ten years. Well, and get an inheritance. That- that helps too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark’s landed himself an heiress, after all. He’ll be thrilled."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, we’re not- I mean. Nothing’s happened-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know. But I’m a psychologist, remember? I’m good at reading emotions."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. This is sort of awkward. I feel like I should apologize."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What for? If Mark feels the same way, then I’m happy for you both."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like I said, nothing’s happened. I guess we’ll see."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s probably waiting to make sure it’s okay to make a move on his sister’s patient first. Not that that’s all you are, of course. Sam? You still haven’t told him, have you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m going to tell him before we jump, I promise: that you’ve been the one behind all of this, that you’re the one who deserves the credit. I was going to before, really. I ws finally own up to it, even though I know he might be mad that I wasn’t honest. And I started to tell him that I had a way to get him out - a plan - and he- he tried to give me a hug. And it didn’t work, at all, but the gesture was so nice and caught me so off guard that I kind of just wanted to be his knight in shining armor for a little longer."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And he’s never mentioned me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He has, but- they’re mostly stories about you guys as kids. He hasn’t really mentioned you as an adult yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He really doesn’t like talking about the couple of years before he went away. I’m sorry, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You know, Sam, if you’re going to be dating my brother, you should probably call me Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay. Joan. Okay, I guess I should start setting up the feed - make sure everything's running okay. You gave Damien the earpiece?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. He was very impressed by my “spy tech” as he called it. Don’t worry, he doesn’t know I have a computer genius on my team - he thinks I’m doing this entirely on my own."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wouldn't exactly call myself a “computer genius”. I’ve spent a lot of time on them, that’s all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "As always, I think you’re being too modest, Sam. You seem to really know what you’re talking about."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, well a degree in informational sciences and a decade with a computer and a cat as sole companions will force anyone to pick up a few skills. Uh, and the tracker?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "On the van I purchased. He doesn’t know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good. It’s a transmitter too, just in case he takes out the ear piece. Wait, you bought a van?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s amazing what you can find on craigslist. I figured it was better to have a getaway car that wasn’t registered to anyone. Don’t worry, you and Mark can take a different car cross-country. I’m picturing a red convertible - Mark has never been a subtle person."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh my god, this is completely crazy. Right? I mean -spy tech? Getaway cars? We’re not the CIA, what are we doing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Speak for yourself, Sam. I worked for a secret government organization for years and then tried to breach their high security area."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, good point. I guess I’m the only fish out of water here then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not to be blunt, but do you ever feel like a fish in water?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, no. Also a solid point. At least this is sort of fun."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m beginning to think you don’t know what that word means."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You might be right. At the very least, my brain feels like it’s being fully used for the first time in a long time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A good mind is a terrible thing to waste, Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, enough with the platitudes, you’re making me more nervous. Okay, the feed is set up. We just have to wait for him to turn it on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then we wait."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That must be him. You want to do all the talking, I assume?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Definitely. Damien knows nothing about you and I’d prefer to keep it that way."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Uh, okay, just press this button here and he’ll be able to hear us. It works like a one way walkie talkie - he can only hear you when you choose, but we can always hear him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Damien, right on time.\nNo time for small talk, Damien. Are you at the facility?\nAs expected. Are you ready for this?\nOkay, it worked. He just has four more security points to get through and then we’ll be fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh god. Four more?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Two guards at the entrance, then he’ll use a key card to open the locked stairway and the entrance to the sub-basement and one more guard at the entrance into Tier 5."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Here we go..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have the map I sent you?\nGood. Okay, Sam. Are you ready to make the jump?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What, now?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s got one more guard post to go through and then he’s in Mark’s room."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, okay. Um, yeah. I’m ready. Ready as I’ll ever be."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Br- Joan? If something goes wrong and I don’t come back-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, you’re going to be fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but just- I’ve never tried to pull anything like this before. There are a lot of variables. So if something goes wrong, will you take care of Darwin for me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, of course. Now go-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, okay. Here goes nothing-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien? Where are you?\nGood, remember you take the left-\nOh god.\nFuck.\nDamien, tell him to go back to office and keep moving.\nDamien, walk away.\nDon’t get any ideas, Damien.\nI didn’t lie. I never told you what Mark could do.\nMark is nothing like you. We need to have this discussion later. We’re on the clock.\nNo. None.\nAre you in? Are you in his room?\nWhat? How does he look?\nYes.\nHe should be waking up any moment now.\nJust, trust me.\nSam. How did it go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, rushed, but I think it worked."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Rushed? What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I was so nervous that the moment I got there I could tell my hold on 1810 was pretty shaky so I found Mark and we went to the lake and we got in and I told him that there would be someone waiting for him who was going to bring him to you and me. And then I jumped back. But I think I had a hold on him. I really do. I- I could feel his hand."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien? Are you still there?\nShit.\nMark?\nOh my god.\nDamien, unplug those machines before you draw attention to yourself.\nWhat happened? Where did they go?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Damien must have taken out the earpiece - why would he do that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Shit. Shit, shit, shit."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright? Um, Joan? Did something happen while I was gone?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien found out what Mark can do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He didn’t already know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, of course not. It’s far too much of a temptation for him. Having someone who could absorb his power, exercise it with him. Oh god."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, it’s going to be fine, okay? We’ve still got the transmitter in the van, so once they’re back in the car, we’ll be able to track them and hear them again. We won’t be able to talk to them though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s good enough- get it set up.\nCome on, it’s been ten minutes, where are they?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think they got caught?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, thank god."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bryant?\nDr. Bright, what’s going on?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You little shit.\nNo, Mark, that’s not true, you have to know that’s not true. Sam, didn’t you tell him I was getting him out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I did! Right before we left I said, I said that me and you were going to be waiting for him. But- but I called you-\nIt’s a code name I assume?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They’re assigned to us. When we enter The AM - all the agents and doctors use false names. It’s a protective measure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been using a fake name?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It wasn’t relevant. If you had just told Mark you were working with me in the first place this never would have-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wasn’t relevant- god! He was right, you and your secrets."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What’s that supposed to mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s why he never talked about you as an adult. After you finished grad school, you drifted away - you kept things from him. He knew you were keeping something from him. And now I’ve been keeping things from him - things about you. I didn’t mean too, but it just got too late and I- I didn’t know how to make it better. If I could go back in time- oh my god...\nMark?\nI am. I am real.\nNo."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good, that’s good, Mark. Don’t trust him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, Mark, I am real. I did save you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you should.\nNo. No, Mark-\nNo, no this is not happening."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. No, no, no, no-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Check the feed - do you have their location still?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no. No it’s gone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I am going to kill Damien."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’s gone. I lost him. No, no, no, no..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I refuse to believe that this is how it turns out. There must be something else- we can get in the car right now, follow their footsteps, chase them down, explain everything. Sam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How could I do this? If I’d just been honest - he thinks I’m not real. How could he think that I’m not real? I’m real, right? I’m here, I’m real?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, Sam, you’re real. You’re here, with me. Mark is confused and sick and we will get him back and you will be both be here. In this time. Together. But I need you to take some deep breaths for me right now. We need to focus."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I can’t. I knew it. I knew using my ability would make things bad. It always makes things bad. He has to know that I’m real, that he didn’t make me up, that I exist-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam? Sam?\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 25 Transcript\n25 - Asset 43, Meetings 1-6\nAsset 43, Disciplinary meeting number one. I have not had direct contact with the asset for some time. But given the events of July 2nd, I thought it best that I took over all communication from Agent Green.\nCome in.\nSit down, Joan. Please Joan, we might be here for a while. Much to discuss.\nWell, you’ve been very busy, haven’t you, Joan? I’ve been in DC for the past two months, dealing with some very important government business and I had to leave in the middle of a meeting with the joint chiefs to rush over here. Now, can you imagine how embarrassing that was for me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Did you call me in here to brag about your DC contacts?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I suppose I should have known better than to leave headquarters in the hands of Agent Green. Sweet man, but not exactly the brightest. At least by our standards. Very loyal, though. I imagine it was that quality that drew you in. I always thought you could do much better, Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t really think that’s any of your business."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then again, I understand the appeal of being with someone who doesn’t challenge you. You probably enjoyed being so superior - you always did have a hunger for power, Joan. That’s one of my favorite things about you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Am I here to be psychoanalyzed?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, no, although, don’t you miss our talks? Even a little?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can anyone really miss mandatory, bimonthly psychological evaluations with their boss?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Surely they didn’t feel that way - I always had a good time talking to you, Joan. In fact, I’d say I’ve missed talking to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What am I here for, Wadsworth?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, Wadsworth? I know it’s been a few years, but surely we haven’t reverted back to our code names. Oh, that’s right, you still use yours. I knew you still had a soft spot for us. You know you’re welcome back any time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Am I? Even after-?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right, yes, let’s get to the subject at hand, shall we? You were responsible for breaking and entering and the escape of one of our subjects."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven’t been in this facility for two years until today."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. Of course. So it’s pure coincidence that the perpetrator is a patient of yours and the only subject to escape was your brother."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Unlike your patients, mine are allowed to walk free when they aren’t in my office. I am not responsible for how they choose to spend their free time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can we not go through this whole thing, Joan? I know you did it. You know you did it. That’s going to come out eventually, so let’s just skip ahead, shall we?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I see you value my word as much as ever."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I may not have always agreed with you, Joan, but I always trusted you, little good it did me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Oh, you want to talk about trust? For someone who was supposedly a “friend and mentor”, you certainly had no qualms keeping the secret of experimenting on my brother."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Perhaps if you hadn’t kept your brother a secret in the first place, we never would have had to go behind your back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, so it’s my fault that he got kidnapped and locked up?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "“Kidnapped” is such an ugly word."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What would you call it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Protection."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Please-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark was completely unequipped to go roaming around the world by himself. Who knows how many atypicals he would have encountered. And on international soil no less - not all governments are as forgiving as ours. The amount of damage he could have done-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark has perfectly good control, he always has-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you really think he would have continued to hide his ability? He’s not like you, Joan. He doesn’t have a secretive bone in his body."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t pretend that you know him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m just going off of what you’ve told me. You were always worried about him. Granted, I didn’t know why at the time-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You just sat there. You sat right there and let me talk about how I scared I was when he went missing. And then you would go downstairs and torture him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know where you got these ideas about what we do here. You worked here for seven years - did you ever feel like you were torturing people?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not so sure anymore."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We help people. And yes, things took a turn with Mark - we weren’t prepared for how powerful he was and we certainly didn’t expect Camille to die. We messed up. But so did you, Joan. Taking him out of here without any medical assistance, putting him the hands of a known criminal-?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A known criminal? You make it sound like he’s escaped prison - he’s never been convicted of anything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, yes, let’s talk about this patient of yours. I’ve got his file right here - Green passed it on and I took the liberty of filling it out with information from some of our partner agencies-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, good lord, are you tapping his phone now too?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s all routine background check stuff- he’s an American citizen, it wasn’t hard finding some concrete information once we had a photo and his most current address. So Robert Gorham, Class E atypical-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robert Gorham?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You didn’t think Damien was his real name, did you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, no. But he’s never offered up his real name to me. He’s always been adamant about being called Damien."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good lord, how tiresome."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He isn’t easy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, he seems like quite the handful. Class E atypical, Level 3 manipulator - can project his desires onto others. Would you say that’s the best way to describe it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "As good as any."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fascinating. I really would love to meet him - I’ve met my share of mind walkers but never a manipulator. Most of them are in- well, I would be very intrigued to experience his power in person."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re alone in that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What does it feel like?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you serious?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Come on, Joan, indulge my scientific curiosity a bit."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It is…unique. Out of all the atypicals I’ve worked with, I’ve never experienced anything quite like it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It isn’t mind control-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. No, it’s- when he wants something, really wants something, and he starts to project it, you want it too. It isn’t having your mind overruled as much as it is-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Suggestibility-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly. Even now that I can recognize when it’s happening, a large part of my brain still feels his want as if it’s my own."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Even while part of your brain understands what’s happening."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And if his desire is strong enough then it quiets the dissenting part of your brain."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Though he isn’t always able to make it work."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So he’s only successful when the want is-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-deeply felt, yes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So why did he want to break your brother out of here oh-so badly? As I understand it, there’s no love lost between the two of you. So why would he do such an enormous favor for someone he doesn’t like all that much?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think Damien likes me as much as he can like anyone. Our relationship is complicated."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Still, you sold him out to us. Why would he then go to such lengths to reunite the Bryant family?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, as you can see, Damien didn’t reunite me and my brother. Instead he-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, this is all about Mark, isn’t it? Agent Green was a little fuzzy on the details-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That usually happens the first time you’re exposed to Damien-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But apparently, Robert - excuse me, Damien - was quite interested in the finer details of Mark’s power. So now I have two class Es who can share and amplify a mind manipulation power roaming free, god know’s where-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wait, you don’t know where they are?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We don’t actually have eyes and ears everywhere, Joan. This isn’t a Bond movie - no one has trackers implanted in their arms and there’s no facial recognition technology scanning all CCTV cameras. They slipped away, at night, on July 4th weekend, when there were very few personnel here to deal with it. The timing was impeccable and now they are, as they say, “in the wind”."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Unbelievable. So-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your plan would have worked? Yes, I do think it would have if things hadn’t gone so extremely pear-shaped. That’s why you’re here- why you came today with so little objection. You don’t care about the consequences of what you’ve done - you just wanted to know if we had information you didn’t."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can you blame me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I suppose not. You know we would have eventually brought you in anyway, whether or not you came easily."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So then, are you willing to cooperate?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought I was cooperating."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I mean, from here on out. We may not know where Mark is, but presumably he’s alive and relatively safe. He’ll come back for his big sister eventually, I know he will. It would be a shame for him to return only to find that you’re in prison."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "On what charges?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you want from me, Ellie?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want you back: back here, working for me, working with me, just like before. We need your mind, Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This place is full of brilliant scientists-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you’re not just a scientist, Joan. You’re smart, yes, but you’re ambitious and good with people - well, when you want to be - and you were good at this job. If you come back now, you and I could be running headquarters in 10 years or less."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What makes you think I would ever want that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You wanted it once."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "People change."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not that much, they don’t. Can you really tell me that running a fully funded, fully equipped scientific research facility doesn’t entice you? You can’t imagine what we’ve accomplished in the past few years - the doors we’ve opened. You could be on the cutting edge of the research you’ve dedicated your life to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have patients to attend to."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You could still have your pet projects, don’t worry. I know you’ve grown attached to some of your patients. But Caleb will be at college in a year or two-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What interest do you have in Caleb?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "None. None whatsoever. He’s a perfectly average young man. He isn’t any of any concern. For now. But he’s been stirring up trouble, hasn’t he? Talking to that veteran, asking questions about his boyfriend’s parents-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How- none of this information is in my reports."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I said we didn’t have eyes and ears everywhere; not that we were completely bereft of intelligence."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We made a deal. I wouldn’t report you, I would let the investigation into Mark’s disappearance die, and you would let me have my practice. I’ve done your quarterly reports, which you send my ex-boyfriend to do, by the way, which is completely unprofessional-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh please, like your relationship wasn’t unprofessional to begin with-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-and which you seem to do just for the sole purpose of annoying me. But I do them anyway. I give you information on innocent people whose lives would be better off without you because you promised you wouldn’t spy on me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And I am happy to say we kept that promise, Joan. I have given you so much leeway but the way you conducted yourself at your last quarterly was highly suspicious. Lying to Agent Green about the patients in your office, misidentifying Robert’s power- how did you think we were going to react once we found out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you snuck into my office and planted bugs?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m worried about you, Joan. You’ve let this obsession with what happened to Mark completely cloud your judgement. You’ve manipulated patients, used them for your own gain- oh, and don’t look so scandalized, you never would have gotten Mark awake without a time traveler so I know you have one of those hidden away. And there’s no way it was mere coincidence that Vanessa’s daughter was in your waiting room when you met with Green. I’m not stupid, Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve lied to us about the real abilities of at least two of your patients. That is very troublesome. These are people that could benefit from our vast resources, and you’ve robbed them of that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can help them far better than you can."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you sure about that, Joan? Like I said, we’ve made a lot of strides since you left. Are you really so selfish as to deny your patients help that could change their lives? You know, we’re very close to being able to medicate some atypical abilities. Camille’s death was unfortunate but, as you know, every death is a new opportunity to collect data."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oddly enough, I don’t view my patients as potential data points."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, Joan. We both know that’s not entirely true. Here’s what we’re going to do. I don’t want to report you to headquarters. I’m going to be honest with you, Joan. What happened with Mark and Camille was the first in a long line of major fuck-ups. Which, let me tell you, is not how I wanted to start my tenure as Senior Director. You never congratulated me by the way."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Congratulations."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You left at just the wrong time. You would have been next up for a promotion, I would have made sure of it. Anyway, what was I saying. Oh yes: I’m not going to report you. I really don’t need to give the higher ups more reason for disappointment. So I’ll handle you myself. You’re going to come here, twice a month, and talk to me. Just like the old days."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why the hell would I do that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because I said so. And because I think it will be an informative exercise for both of us. I don’t think you should be left to your own devices - look at where it’s gotten you. For the sake of your patients, and for the sake of your own safety, I think it’s best for me to keep a watchful eye. So. What day two weeks from now works for you?\nAsset 43, disciplinary meeting number two-\n[passing time]\nYou know, Joan, the purpose of these meetings is for you to actually talk. Really? You’re just going to sit there in silence? Isn’t that a little bit immature of you, Joan?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What was your meeting with the joint chiefs about?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fine. I’ll see you in two weeks.\nAsset 43, disciplinary meeting number three-\n[passing time]\nI see Caleb is back from his family holiday. That must make you happy. I know no one could ever replace Mark but-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Any luck tracking down Damien yet?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No.\nAsset 43, disciplinary meeting number four-\n[passing time]\nI suppose the old “doctors make the worst patients” adage applies to therapists as well. You have to talk to me, Joan."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Or what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you really want to find out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ooh, blackmailing a patient, Wadsworth? Is that ethical?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You would know best, Joan.\nAsset 43, disciplinary meeting number five-\n[passing time]"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-I don’t have time for a vacation-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just think it would be good for you to have a weekend away. Every time I see you, you’re more tightly wound. Why not take two days and go to that spa retreat we always talked about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Did it ever occur to you that I seem stressed because I have to come here? If you want me to relax, stop insisting on these pointless sessions."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They’re not pointless, Joan. We’re re-laying the foundation."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "At some point, you’re going to remember how close we once were. We were good friends and, more than that, we worked extremely well together. And once you open your eyes and realize where you belong, everyone will be better off."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Can I go?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fine.\nAsset 43, disciplinary meeting number six-\n[passing time]"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just don’t understand how you have no new information by now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t seem to be much closer yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I don’t have half your resources!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Joan, we haven’t exactly put a task force on it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What, why not?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark and Robert are not the first fugitives from The AM. You’d be surprised how many loose ends we have out there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That doesn’t concern you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course it concerns me. But unless they do something to draw attention to themselves, it’s not a top priority. They don’t seem to be dangerous - we would have heard something by now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, who knows how long it will have taken for Mark to fully recover? Who knows if his ability even works anymore after what you did to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Trust me, we can’t remove someone’s ability from them. Do your parents know that you’ve located Mark?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I haven’t located Mark, that’s the problem."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, but he’s not missing anymore. Not really."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He hasn’t been missing in two and half years. I just couldn’t get to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are your parents?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let’s not do this, Ellie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are they still living in Europe?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They live in Canada now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, that’s nice. Have you been to visit?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And I take it they still haven’t visited you since you moved here?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you had any contact with them at all? When was the last time you spoke to them - grad school?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why do you care? What does any of this have to do with The AM?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It doesn’t. But I care about you, Joan. You used to talk to me. I had hoped, with these meetings-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? What? That we would be friends again? Is that what these sessions have been about? You want me to talk about my feelings? Fine. You know, I used to think you were the most incredible woman I’d ever met. I remember my first week at The AM - the chatter that would go on when you walked by.\n“Look, that’s Special Agent Wadsworth, she’s identified more atpyicals than anyone else in this office.”\n“Did you hear about Special Agent Wadsworth? She went up against a multiplier and talked all four of him down by herself.”\n“Did you hear? Special Agent Wadsworth got promoted to Associate Director - the youngest ever.”\nYou were fearless and in charge and brilliant. Your report on the effect of exhaustion on those with invisibility changed the way I thought about the relationship between an atypical and their power. By the time I had graduated and was working full time here, I wanted to be just like you. I mean, here you were, only four years older than me, practically running the place. When you decided to take me, of all people, under your wing, I knew I was in the right place.\nI know I’m the practicing psychologist out of the two of us, but you’ve been doing this work for a long time. I’m sure you can guess what it does to a person to have the rose colored glass around their role model shatter so completely. Finding out about the experiments was bad enough but, even then, I made excuses for you to myself. “She doesn’t have control over everything - these were in place before she got here. I’m sure she’s doing everything she can to find a better way - a way to advance the field without hurting people”. But you weren’t."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You see, Joan? I knew talking about this would be good for the both of us. Saying these things out loud, airing out all the dirty laundry, is an important, necessary step. This is very good progress. Okay, we’re out of time now, but I’ll see you in two weeks. Don’t lose this momentum - we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us yet.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 26 Transcript\n26 - Patient #11-A-7 (Caleb) "
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Patient #11-A-7, session 40. The patient has been away for most of the summer. The last we spoke, he was very much looking forward to his summer vacation - the final weeks of school were extremely stressful for him.\nIt’s good to see you Caleb. How long has it been? Two months?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, yeah, something like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How was your vacation- you and your family went to your lake house, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, it was good. It was nice, just being with my family for a month. Sometimes they get on my nerves but, all in all, they’re…you know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have an easier time balancing their feelings."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Yeah, exactly. I mean, Alice is 13 now so like, she’s a real pain in the ass but- sorry - but you know, she’s like, all hormonal and stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hormonal and stuff?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, like she’s really happy one moment and then she gets really angry like, instantly and it’s been giving me headaches."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know you’re 17 now, Caleb, but surely you can remember how hard puberty is-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ick, that word."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know, it’s not the most fun thing to talk about. Have you talked to Alice at all about what she’s going through?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I mean, no teenage girl wants to talk to her big brother about that kind of stuff, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe. But you and Alice have always been close."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but it’s - I don’t know, it’s different now. Her feelings feel different and they’re more intense and I just- I haven’t figured out how to fit them in yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are her feelings different?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I mean, it’s still her obviously. Most of the time, there isn’t any difference at all. But then there are these spikes- like she’ll lose her temper at me or get really sad when she gets into a fight with her friends and I mean, she always did those things but now it’s- it feels weird. Like there’s an added layer of stuff on top of it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But the underlying feelings are the same? The essence of her emotional being, once you get through all the “stuff”."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it’s pretty much the same. But there’s never been something between us, you know? I’ve never had to try and get through fog like this before. The first time it happened - she was texting with her friend and I guess her friend said something mean and she got mad - I didn’t even know where the feeling was coming from. It was so quick and so extreme that I didn’t recognize her for a second."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How did you figure out it was her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, once I got past that weird jolt of anger, it just felt like Alice angry. Maybe angrier than usual, but it was her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then that’s what you focus on. If you’re having a hard time balancing Alice’s changing emotions, just focus on what’s familiar. Chances are, she’s having a hard time balancing them herself. It doesn’t mean that she’s a different person but things might be a little bit more intense from time to time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess so."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve felt these kinds of jolts from your classmates before, haven’t you? I know your empathy didn’t really start in earnest until you were 15 but you go to a big school."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I have, but- it’s different when it’s someone I really, really know. Like, I’ve never had to worry about balancing Alice’s feelings before. Once I figured out what was going on and started seeing you, home has been, like, the one place that I don’t have to worry about stuff. At home, I can tell my family when their feelings are too much. I have to pretend to be normal with everyone else. Well, except for..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you talked to Adam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know you two had agreed to step back for a while and focus on finals but have you spoken at all since school finished?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I mean, I was away with my family and then he was away with his - visiting some of his dad’s siblings in Ohio or something. And then I’ve been in football camp for the past few weeks to get ready for the season and I just. No. We haven’t talked. We’ve- we’ve texted a little. That’s how I know he was in Ohio. And he’s sent me some new music and I’ve snap-chatted him a bit, but you know, we haven’t really had like, a conversation or anything. You’re confused."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What are you trying to achieve by “snap-chatting” him but not talking to him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. I mean, I wasted the last few weeks of school being so mad at him and by the time I cooled off I was away and it just…it got too hard to really reach out, you know? After- after I told him I needed space to think, he didn’t try to talk to me again and I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk to him so I guess I was sending him stuff to try and…I don’t know, bridge the gap a bit? Make it less weird when I see him at school?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You start school again next week, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And do you plan on talking to him then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ugh, I don’t know. I thought if I took the summer to get my head screwed on right, I would know exactly what to say and what to do. But I don’t. I just…Can we just talk about something else?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. But I would like to come back to this. You’re starting senior year - are you excited?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I’m excited for our last season - things went so well last year so hopefully I can go out on top."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think you’ll play football in college?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. No, I like it but, I don’t know, I don’t need it as much anymore. When things first started, football was like, this great outlet for everything - something to focus on, distract from what was happening to me. And I still like it but, I don’t need that escape as much anymore."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve learned how to cope with your ability extremely well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that’s part of it. I mean, things have definitely gotten easier. And I believe you, you know, when you say that overall it’s just going to get easier and easier the older I get. I think that’s true. But it’s not just that, it’s- I think I’ve learned to like it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Being an empath, you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I mean, all annoying little sisters and bummed out classmates aside, it’s kinda cool, right? I never realized how cool it was until- well, until Adam."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, not a lot of people know, right? And my parents weren’t exactly thrilled to find out there was something different about me. I mean they don’t think I’m a freak or anything like that but, when you first told them about what you thought was going on, they got so scared. I could feel it from your waiting room. I remember going to the door to try and hear what you guys were talking about because I thought something had gone really wrong. But they- they were just worried, you know? They believed you right away, which is still so weird to me but I think they could tell that something was really off with me. I mean, you remember how hard it was at first - I thought I was gonna explode from all the feeling."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you were under a lot of strain."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, and they could tell, they were worried that there was something really wrong with me. So when you told them about the empathy thing, I felt their relief at first: that they had an explanation for why I was behaving the way I was, getting headaches, acting out. But then they got so scared and worried. And I got that. 'Cause I was scared too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s perfectly understandable, Caleb. Coming into an ability can be very difficult, especially when it presents all at once."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I mean, it was hard. But then I started working with you and got better at handling it and felt less scared about losing control, but my parents were still scared. They still are sometimes. They love me, I know that, and they wouldn’t want me to be different. I actually think they’re thankful for it sometimes - that I’m able to understand stuff, you know, without them having to explain. But they still get scared. And more for me than for Alice - I can tell the difference."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think that is?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because I can’t be normal. Ever. I’m always going to have a harder time with some stuff than other kids. My relationships with people are always going to be kinda weird. And it’s been mostly fine so far but what is it gonna be like when I go to college and have to live with someone I don’t know? Or get a job? I mean, dating Adam’s hard enough and he knew about it - it’s not like I can tell every person I date or hang out with."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are many people in this world who are very sensitive. Empathy is something most of the human race experiences. I don’t think you’re as different as you worry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Great, that’s just what I want to be: “the sensitive guy”"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There are worse things to be, Caleb. Society changes - men aren’t expected to ignore their feelings anymore."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, yeah, you sound like my dad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey, you can’t be surprised - you just said dudes can be sensitive. My dad is just one of those guys, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. I just didn’t realize."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I mean, he’s always been a stay-at-home dad for, like, my whole life. Like, he writes and stuff but my mom always been the, you know, breadwinner. That’s a thing, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, so, my dad’s always been telling me and Alice that guys should cook and clean and do all the stuff just as much as the women. And that it’s okay for guys to cry and talk about their feelings and stuff - that they don’t have to be all macho all the time. I mean, I remember when I told him I wanted to play football, I was so nervous, because I thought he would see it as me, like, selling out. You know, conforming to like, gender roles and all that. But he just smiled and he told me I could do whatever made me happy as long as I wasn’t a dick about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He said that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, yeah, but in, you know, like, a dad way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It seems like you have wonderful parents, Caleb. I know I’ve only met them a handful of times but they love you very much."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. But most parents want their kids to be normal, right? I mean, it’s just easier."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe. But just because they have different things to worry about with you, doesn’t mean they have more to worry about. Atypical or no, they would still be scared for you. It’s what parents do."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How does Alice feel about your ability?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t really know. She calls me a freak sometimes, but I know she doesn’t mean it. And I think she knows I know she doesn’t mean it because I can feel the emotion underneath it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So it doesn’t hurt your feelings when she calls you that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I know it’s her way of dealing with it. She definitely thinks it’s weird, but she loves me anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you didn’t think of your ability as cool until Adam - what did you mean by that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, he’s the only other person who knows, right? Well, now Chloe and Frank too, I guess, but that’s different because they’re both weird too. And then the only other normal person who knows is you. And you just feel kinda, I don’t know, unfazed by it. I guess you deal with things that are a lot crazier than me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve met those with more extreme abilities, yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But Adam thinks it’s really cool. I mean, obviously he was really freaked when I first told him, you remember that whole disaster-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It wasn’t a disaster once you two actually talked though, was it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. No, definitely not a disaster."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So once he got used to the idea…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, he thought it was awesome. He like, turned it into a game sometimes. Like, Adam would make guesses about which of our classmates had crushes on each other. And then when we would see those two people talking, he would make me go stand near them and try and pick up the vibe, you know? It’s, like, so dumb and it’s not like we would tell anybody if the person they liked actually liked them back but - I don’t know, it was fun. Sometimes it got sad though - there’s a lot of unrequited crushing going on in high school."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I think I recall that from 100 years ago."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I mean, we would do all kinds of stuff like that. Like, on big presentation days, I would go ask the teacher something before class - like, something simple - and feel what kind of mood they were in. And then I’d tell Adam or give him a signal or something and then he’d make his presentation so that it would fit the mood of the teacher. I like- I don’t know how he did it but, based on whether they were happy or sad or annoyed or whatever, Adam could tell what kind of thing they’d like the most. If a teacher was really tired, and really over it that day, Adam would get up and give a really long, like, really good presentation. And it would give that teacher, like, a break because they could just listen to one student talk for 15 minutes and actually be smart instead of sitting through 10 four minute presentations that are all copied from SparkNotes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My goodness, it sounds like you two had a whole system in place. Did it work?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. But it made Adam happy and it’s pretty fun to watch him improvise 20 minutes about Hemingway. I mean, I think he made a lot of stuff up but Mr. Collins was hungover that day so he, like, got an A."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not quite sure I approve of manipulating your teachers that way but I’m also not sure a teacher should be hungover in class so, I don’t know whose side I fall on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it’s okay. Like, Mr. Collins is a really good teacher most of the time. But he’s youngish - your age or close probably - so it’s not like he’s never going to go out with his friends. I mean, I assumed that’s what he did and he wasn’t just drinking at home. I think that would have felt different. Like, sadder. But, even though he was feeling all fuzzy and woolly and nauseous - and not the fun butterfly kind of nauseous, just, like, straight up nauseous - he also had this like, little buzz of happiness? Like what happened the night before was worth the terrible hangover."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how do you know what a hangover feels like?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Movies."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you sure?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, are you kidding me? There’s no way I’m ever gonna get drunk. At least not on purpose."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m happy to hear that, but once you get to college-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I mean, I’ve had alcohol before. Don’t give me that look, everybody does it. I bet even you drank in high school. But the one time I drank an entire beer, it felt, like, so awful. I mean, feeling other people drunk around you is bad enough, but feeling tipsy yourself and then also the feelings of 20 drunk teenagers is, like, a nightmare. Now when I go to parties, I bring iced herbal tea with me in a flask and try to find the sober people. Or at least, the less drunk people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You put herbal tea in a flask?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I got that stuff that’s supposed to de-stress you or whatever. I have no idea if it works, but it just helps having something in my hand and a reason to turn away drinks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, whatever works to stave off the peer pressure."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bringing Adam helped too. If I could focus on his feelings, everyone else didn’t bother me as much. He, uh, I don't know, he grounded me. Anchored me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s just always really easy to focus on his feelings. Even when he was really sad, he felt like- it was like being at home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how about now? With the limited contact you two have had, how are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m okay. I, uh- I miss him a lot, to be totally honest. And I feel- I feel, like, really dumb. I mean, I know I overreacted but I just got so freaked. And now I feel like I kind of ruined everything - like he’s not going to forgive me for what I said about his parents when I finally do talk to him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you no longer have the same concerns about Adam’s parents?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, no, I do. I mean, I definitely do. You know what’s going on with Frank, right? You’ve talked to him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe is still trying to convince him to come see me. But, yes, she’s filled me in on what she’s been able to glean about what happened. I gather he doesn’t like talking about it very much."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, he doesn’t. Especially around me. Sometimes, I think I shouldn’t even be trying to help him at all."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, if he’s having a bad day, I think being around an empath makes his whole situation worse. Like whatever empathy he has bounces off of my empathy and then we just go round and round and it feels pretty fucking terrible. He gets really scared - last week we were both helping Chloe move some big pieces in her studio and he started yelling at me about how I needed to leave, how it was too dangerous, he couldn’t protect me, just like, all this stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you do?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, Chloe tried to tell him he was safe, that we all were safe, that he wasn’t in combat mode anymore - I guess he was having some kind of flashback? But she told me to leave and I think she handled it on her own."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? You feel mad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry, Caleb, I’m not angry at you-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know. Trust me, I know what “angry at Caleb” feels like."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m just worried, that’s all. I know Chloe and you are better equipped than most to know what someone in crisis needs but you’re still both essentially children."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey - that’s not fair. I’m almost 18-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, your birthday isn’t for months-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-and Chloe is 21. We’re not totally incapable of dealing with serious stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Then why are you mad?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I told you, I’m worried."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "C’mon, I know it’s not just that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. I’m angry that Chloe has taken on this responsibility. She could be putting herself, and you, in danger-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Frank would never hurt her. He would never hurt anyone-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That may be so, but he’s still a highly volatile individual. He needs professional help. And Chloe is not a trauma specialist - she’s an art student. And you’re a high school student. What happened to Frank is beyond both of your expertise."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Remember when I said it might be cool to use my ability to help people? Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I don’t know, coming to therapy and talking to Adam and getting to know Frank - it’s made me think about what I want to do after high school. And I think it could be good to use this weird thing I have for a career. Like, study psychology or social work in college and then use the empathy to be, like, really, really fucking good at it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think that’s a wonderful idea. And I’m so glad that both you and Chloe have such giving hearts. But you know you can’t practice on a traumatized veteran, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. And that’s not what I’m doing - I really feel for the guy, you know? Ugh, you know what I mean."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I know you what you mean."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And it feels personal, I guess. Knowing that my boyfriend’s- well, that Adam’s parents are behind it, it feels like I was meant to meet him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re beginning to sound a lot like Chloe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. But I don’t buy all that universe stuff as much as she does. Just that, well, I think some people are meant for other people, you know? Like, not even in a romantic, soul-mate way. But I know Chloe thinks she was meant for Frank. They just get each other. And she helps him and he- I don’t know, he gives her a purpose. Someone to take care of. I think she likes that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you feel like you’re meant for Frank, too?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, a little bit. I mean, not in the same way Chloe is. ‘Cause I think whatever happened to Frank in his life, he would have met Chloe and they would have made art together. Even if he never went into the army. But it’s like when those scientists did all that stuff to him, his life got shifted and aimed towards me. Like I became part of his story."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what role do you think you’re playing in his story?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know yet. I mean, maybe it’s that he’s in my story - maybe it’s just that I was supposed to meet him to see what could go wrong."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, the reason his head is all messed up, the reason he has such a hard time - it’s because his empathy is out of control."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Frank was given an empath ability artificially. His biology wasn’t structured for it in the same way yours is. Your body produces your ability naturally - his was injected into him, along with a lot of other things."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like, what kinds of things? Did Chloe tell you that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve been looking into it independently. There’s not a lot I can do to help him until he comes and sees me so I’m doing what I can to figure it out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But it definitely was Adam’s parents who did it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I haven’t been able to find that out for sure yet."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What am I supposed to do with that? Like, how am- how can I go to Adam’s house and see his parents when I know they do bad stuff to people like me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know. But you’re not in danger with them, I don’t think. Do you want to get back together with Adam?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not even sure we ever really broke up. I mean, yeah, we haven’t talked but, I don’t know, I feel like we just hit pause. It’s not like I’ve been out there dating a bunch of other people or even thinking about other people- oh fuck, do you think he’s been spending the whole summer dating other people?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have no idea, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh god, I should have said something. How am I still so bad at this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What would you have said?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "“Please give me some space to freak out but also don’t change your feelings about me so we can figure it out at the end of the summer”?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I take it he doesn’t have any reason to think that’s how you’re feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I mean, all the contact we’ve had has been pretty…well, really fucking distant and polite - not like how we texted before. God, what if he has some better, normal, non-freak boyfriend now?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t think Adam would be so quick to forget about you, but if you want to keep seeing him you need to reach out. Have a serious conversation with him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. I know I should but I’m just- even if he hasn’t forgotten about me, even if he does want to be together…I don’t know. I guess I’m kind of scared."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because of his parents?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, it’s partly that. But it’s also- I mean, I didn’t handle things very well, I know that. I know I should have talked to him after I freaked out, instead of just ignoring him at school, and I know that sending him snaps and stuff isn’t actually communication or whatever. But I don’t even know- I don't even know that I was that great of a boyfriend in the first place. I always got really overwhelmed whenever we fought and I don’t know how to take care of him when he’s feeling bad and I just- I’m worried I’m going to make things worse."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Make things worse how?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For him. Because even though it’s easier to balance stuff with him, when he gets down, I really don’t know how to make it better. When he’s sad, I can feel it, and then he gets angry at himself for making me feel sad, even when I try to tell him I’d rather know what he’s feeling than have him hide it from me. But it makes him self-conscious and making him feel worse is the last thing I ever want to do. Like, ever. I don’t know, sometimes I think he should be with someone else. Someone normal. But then sometimes…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I think what I was saying about some people being meant for other people, sometimes I feel that way about Adam. Not that I like, think we’re gonna get married someday and spend happily ever after together or whatever but just- he’s not special, you know? I mean, obviously he is, you know, special in that way every person is special, but he’s not different like me. Every time I’ve met another atypical, their feelings feel different to me. Sometimes it’s a little, like with Chloe, and sometimes it’s a huge difference, like the one time I met Damien. His feelings were, like, so strong. And then there’s Frank, which is this entirely unique, consuming thing. But Adam’s just a normal guy. Like, yeah, he’s got his own issues that are hard to handle sometimes but so does my dad, you know, and a lot of people at school I think. But, no matter what, Adam’s feelings still feel special to me. I always know when he’s nearby and I can feel the smallest changes to his moods and, even when they’re bad, he makes me feel good. Just like, comfortable in my own body. I like knowing how he feels. And there has to be a reason for that, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Does there need to be a reason?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I guess not. But sometimes I still worry about my own feelings being real, you know? Like if I’m actually feeling things on my own or if it’s just the influence of everyone around me. It’s hard to know what to trust. But the way I feel about Adam - the way he’s different - that means it really is mine. I really do love him, it’s not just a teenage crush or my ability doing things to me. It’s me. And him. And we just, we fit and we would fit even if I wasn’t special, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think so?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then that’s all that matters. Well, that and Adam feeling similarly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think he does. We’ve never said it but- I think he does. But what if how he feels isn’t the right thing for him? What if I’m not the right person to be there for him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can’t make that decision for him, Caleb. All you can do is love and support him the best you can. That’s all any of us can do with the people in our lives."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll do my best. I can do that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So, you’re going to talk to him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, I’ll text him. God, don’t give that disappointed feeling."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just think a phone call-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ll text him asking to talk. Does that work?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s a step in the right direction."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So tell me more about this lake house - did you have any other family come visit you while you were there?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, we had a couple of family friends come by…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, Caleb, I’ll see you next Sunday. Good luck with the start of school. And please, consider picking up the phone and calling Adam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, I’ll think about it. Thanks Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Bye, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye, Dr. Bright.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 27 Transcript\n27 - Mark, August"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, are you ready?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I guess. I still don’t really see the point of this."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s been almost two months and you still can’t do anything. There’s something getting in your way - something blocking you and I think if you try talking about it, you’ll figure out what’s wrong."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Someone’s been paying attention in their therapy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, well, Dr. B. is right about some things."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, she is."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Getting everything out in the open can’t hurt. Plus, I want know what The AM’s been up to."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. I can feel how much you want it. So I want it too. It’s weird."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t help it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "C’mon, I don’t need you to feel bad about it. I just - I haven’t met someone like you before. It’s a new feeling. I’m still getting used to it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, hey, if this goes well, you’ll be on the other side of it. Which, I have to say, is pretty amazing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ll take your word for it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, yeah, okay, settle down. I’m going to tell you everything. I want to. It’s just, it’s hard. The whole thing doesn’t exactly read like a fairytale."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Though I do make quite the dashing knight in armor."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, more like a weirdo with a van. Just like Disney come to life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hey, you never know. Disney could have taken a weird turn while you were under."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah? Have they started making movies about shifty guys in hoodies?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m just saying, I woke you up from a deep sleep. I know I’m not your imaginary Sam, but I do okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey, don’t talk about her like that. She's not imaginary."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. You talk about her in your sleep, you know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, just her name. Sometimes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry about all the nightmares."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine. It’s not like I’m getting deep sleep in these shitty motel beds anyway."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, no kidding."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Probably not the ideal place to recover."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know, I think we’ve done okay. The internet is amazing - that at least hasn’t changed. Coma Recovery 101 right at our fingertips."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "True. Though shockingly nothing on time-travel induced comas."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know! I guess I’m just that special - not even the internet can explain me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nope. That’s all on you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. So I guess I’ll just at the beginning?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure, yeah, just start wherever you want to start."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. So I’ve had this ability for a while. I think since I was kid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t know?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, the thing is, it needs other people to work. I can’t just go around doing whatever I want - it’s not like I absorb the abilities of every atypical I meet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So it wears off pretty fast?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it doesn’t wear off. I just can’t do it unless I’m close to another atypical."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How close do you need to be? Touching?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, same room is fine. Maybe further. 31.2 feet apart is my upper limit. But that’s on a good day."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s a very exact number."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, well, The AM is pretty exact."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They tested for that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah. They’ve got stats on stats on stats for me. They measured every single part of my body, put me in rooms with other atypicals and tried different distances, different times of day, different fucking room temperatures. I’m pretty sure they know more about me than I do at this point. Which is not a fact I relish. And God knows what they did to me while I was in the other time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You think they continued to experiment on you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, why the hell not? I don’t know what they could have figured out, but they would have made use of me. It is a “use every part of the animal” kind of place."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesus."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, they are resourceful, I’ll give them that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How’d they find you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Um, I’m still not really sure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So they just snatched you off the street?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not exactly. They reached out to me - emailed me, actually."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And said, “hi, we’re The AM, we’d like to experiment on you? Please come on down?”"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. They made it sound like a job opportunity. They said they admired my work, that they thought I had great potential and they’d like to talk to me about working with them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you went?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought they were talking about my photography. I’d been applying to about a million jobs, sending my portfolio around, and they emailed me through the form on my website. Everything they said made it sound like they were a non-profit wanting to hire me as a photographer."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you went to this meeting, under false pretenses, and they just kidnapped you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Pretty much. Yeah, yeah, that face you’re making is basically how I felt about it too. I mean, no one actually sticks a needle in your neck and then throws you in a cell underground in real life, right? That’s just something that happens in movies. Except- here I am."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That blows."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, Damien, it blows. Eloquently put."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jeez, sorry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I- I don’t mean to keep snapping at you. It’s just- the last person I talked to about this stuff was Sam. And I-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You told her about The AM?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, not all of it. Not the stuff that they did to me. But I told her how I got there - to 1810. And then we got to talking about Camille a bit - you know, my time travel buddy-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, yeah."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But mostly I tried to avoid that topic. And she didn’t push. She understands not wanting to talk about that stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you’re sure that she was there - that she was real?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I am. The more I think about it - I spent nearly two years there and never had such vivid hallucinations. She felt really real. And even though it’s such a blur, I think she’s the one that pulled me out. I mean, you didn’t do anything special, right? How else would I have woken up?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But why would she bring you back and then not come looking for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe she couldn’t find me. We haven’t exactly been parading ourselves around. She’s probably still with that…Dr. Bright person - the one she said she was working with."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, that’s the other thing, how do you know that doctor isn’t working for The AM?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know for certain, but I trust Sam. She might not always be the most forthcoming person in the world, but she doesn’t lie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you say so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think we should go talk to my sister."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know, I know, and you don’t want to go and you don’t want me to go either so most of the time I don’t but I just think we could get some real answers-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was in therapy with your sister for over a year- she’s not exactly a forthcoming person either except she does lie-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She wouldn’t to me. Not after everything that’s happened. And she could help me with my ability - she’s done it before. I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but you’re not her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t think it’s a good idea - you don’t know how much contact she might still have with The AM."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I highly doubt she’s still working with them - they were none too pleased with her last I saw her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I saw her get fired or arrested or whatever The AM’s version is. She found me and it set off an alarm and a bunch of security took her away. And the whole place freaked out about it. I knew Joanie was good at her job but apparently she was the rising star of the whole place. For her to breach a high security area and then try and break out a subject was a big deal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She tried to break you out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I- yeah, I think so. I mean, she was pretty paralyzed with shock at first, I think, but she started to move towards me and yeah, of course she would have broken me out, she’s my sister. But then the alarms went off and they grabbed her and it was all anybody talked about for weeks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wait, how do you know that? I can’t imagine you were standing around the water cooler with your captors."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There was a guard. He was kind - really kind, actually. He would bring me extra food, actually decent eats, from the employee cafeteria - keep me updated on the news, that kind of stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t really know. I tried to crack a couple of jokes my first few weeks there - what Joanie would call my defense mechanism. And he liked it - he laughed. And then he would just come talk to me. We’re about the same age and I think he was bored - he was a patrol guard, so his job was basically to walk up and down the hallway and stand at doors - I provided decent conversation. By the time I went into the coma, we were friends. Hell, under different circumstances- well. They would have had to be very different circumstances."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think I met him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When I came to get you out, I, um, well I did my thing with the guards, you know-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And there was this guy who told me not to hurt you. Even through what I was doing, he was able to tell me that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah that sounds like Charlie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m glad you had a friend in there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, man. It definitely made things a little easier."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did he ever try and help you escape?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. I never asked."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn’t want to get him in trouble, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you think he would have done it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, probably."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because he liked you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because of your ability?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, because of my personality."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m just a normal guy by myself. I can’t make people like me. I’m not like-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re not like me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, yeah. Oh c’mon, don’t make that face. But if I’m being totally honest, I’m not sure I would have stayed if you hadn’t wanted me to. At least at first."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re alright. I mean, you’ve taken pretty good care of me, a complete stranger. But don’t you have a life you should be getting back to? A job? A family? How can you take 2 months off to bounce around cheap motels helping a guy recover from a supernatural coma?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t want to talk about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. But you also want me to trust you, which I do, because that’s the way it works, but if you want me to trust you for real, you need to give me a reason. Other than your ability."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you want to know?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why are you doing this?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This - breaking me out, helping me get better, listening to me talk about The AM. You’re not a therapist-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Definitely not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re not a scientist, you said The AM hasn’t done anything to you, so why get involved? Just to piss off my sister?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not entirely."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, then…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There aren’t other people like me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not to burst your bubble, dude, but I just spent the past four years in a place full of people like you-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Other atypicals, yeah, but did you ever meet anybody who had my specific ability?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, I know that. But I don’t know how to find them. So when I found out what you could do…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What, you wanted a buddy? A partner in crime?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We haven’t committed any crimes. Well, since getting you out that is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, not yet. But you get this gleam in your eye any time we talk about The AM."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just wondered what it would be like: to be around someone like me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "God, I must be quite a disappointment to you then."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because I can’t do anything. I’m broken."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "For now, yeah. But you don’t think your ability is gone for good, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. Hey listen, man, I get it. If I hadn’t had Joanie growing up, I would have felt really alone too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But she isn’t like us."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, she’s not. Which, for someone like me, is sort of a relief sometimes. Around her, I don’t have to worry about accidentally setting something on fire or walking through walls. But she didn’t care when I did. Joanie never cared that I was different."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sure, because of the way you’re different. She definitely doesn’t seem to like my particular brand of different."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, because you can be kind of a dick about it sometimes. My sister doesn’t suffer assholes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I haven’t been an asshole to you! I’m helping you!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I know, and I’m grateful for that. But you’re also weirdly demanding. You just expect me to go along with you on whatever you want to do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you blame me? That’s how my entire life works."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure. But after a while, isn’t that just a convenient excuse?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t know anything about me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, and whose fault is that? I’m trying to get to know you. I don’t know what else to do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, slow your roll. We’ve gotten way off track."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re right. Can you stop doing that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You wanting me to talk about The AM it’s- maybe I don’t want to relive every terrible thing that happened to me in the past four years."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you need to. You’re, you know, traumatized."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "God, you sound like Joanie. You think you can fix this? Do you also have a degree in psychology? Actually, you could I guess, I don’t know anything about you, which brings us back to what I want to talk about-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, well, you can’t always get what you want."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Unless you’re you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hey, it’s not always a blessing, okay? Once you’re better and you can do it with me, you’ll understand."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, so that’s what this is about? Pulling someone else into your weird pity party?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not having a pity party!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, you are! You want me to feel bad for you right now - I can feel it, remember?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See? Okay, this is what I’m talking about - my ability isn’t always a good thing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What, because people can feel what you want? Want what you want? Want to make you happy, meet your needs? God, yeah, that must be awful-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, yeah, sometimes it is!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How? How could that be a bad thing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because sometimes people take it too far."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What are you talking about? You want me to care? You know what they say - caring is sharing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Shut up."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Damien. What do you mean? Who took it too far?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I told them I wanted to be left alone and they listened. They left and they never came back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My parents."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Your parents?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When I was 13, I got into a fight with them about something and - the thing is I didn’t have good control over it back then, when it first started. It was stronger too. We were fighting and I told them to leave me alone and they did. Forever."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t understand. I thought your ability wears off - that once you’re no longer near someone it doesn’t-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, it doesn’t work after a while. But it lingered for longer back then. They drove away pretty fast. By the time it wore off, who knows how far they’d gotten."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But surely they would have come back."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’d think, right?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They didn’t?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nope. Guess they probably came back to their senses in the car and realized they’d been given the perfect excuse. They had a demanding freak of a son. He wanted to be left alone? Fine. I’m sure they were relieved."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How- how could they do that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What, you have a perfect relationship with your parents?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. But they didn’t abandon me when I was just a kid."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "From what your sister's told me, they kind of did."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? No, there’s no way that she would have told you about that. Unless, you made her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was curious."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jesus, and you wonder why Joanie doesn’t like your particular brand of different."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? I wanted to know if we had any common ground."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not at all the same thing. Our parents didn’t leave us. They were just…they weren’t particularly attentive, okay? There are way worse things in the world. Clearly. What did you do after they left? Where did you go?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I want you to tell me-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The director of The AM would come and talk to me every now and then. Well, one of the directors. The director of the facility I was in, anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s not Agent Green is it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Definitely not. But I did see him from time to time. He worked with some of the other atypicals on my hall and we sometimes did experiments together. That guy was terrified of me. I have no idea why. It’s not like I could do anything to him but he always excused himself whenever we were in the same room."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think I know why that is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m pretty sure he and your sister used to be a thing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh really? That another thing that you forced out of her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It doesn’t make it any less true."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh god, are you serious? Joanie did always have the worst taste in men."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So the director?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, yeah. Director Wadsworth. It’s not that she enjoyed inflicting pain on anybody, because I don’t think that she did. There were a couple of scientists who definitely got a kick out of how much we squirmed, but Wadsworth…she’s all about that bottom line. How much progress is being made, how close they are to a break through, how much profit they can make off of it. She is ruthless. But also incredibly sharp - she would come in and pinpoint exactly the variable that needed to be changed in order to make something work. And she was always coming up with new ways to combine powers, see how they worked together. That’s where I came in, usually."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’d be in a room with a few different atypicals, told to try out their powers, see what I could do, try and use them all at once. That kind of stuff. All the while, they’d be monitoring every single system in my body - my heart rate, my brain waves, you name it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What were they trying to figure out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Anything. Everything. They tried extracting powers from people, putting them into someone else. I think the military was funding some project along those lines."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Extracting?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yep."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They do that with you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Couldn’t. It’s too risky - you can’t remove someone’s power completely, but a lot of stuff went wrong in the process of trying to duplicate it. I’m too rare. They only did that kind of stuff with powers they had a lot of access to. Pyrokinesis and mind reading, that kind of stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And then they would just shove the power into somebody else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Basically."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did it work?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not sure. I think so. I wasn’t really part of that stage of it. They would pair me with the atypical that had had the power extracted. See if their power still worked. It usually did once the person was recovered enough, but sometimes it took a while. The procedure is invasive."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did they ever get invasive with you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I don't want to talk about this anymore, I think I’m done."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I am tired, my body hurts, and now I’m sad. So please just- just let me lie down and leave me alone for a bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, yeah, of course. Sorry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow, an actual apology. I must look terrible."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have gotten pretty pale. I’ll go out and get us some food. Just-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Stay here? Yeah, I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Cool, I’ll just-\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 28 Transcript\n28 - Patient #13-a-3 (Chloe)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Patient #13-A-3, in person session 12. The patient has made enormous improvements in the past few months. While she still gets overwhelmed in crowds or by certain individuals, she is able to filter the incoming thoughts with excellent precision. As such, we conduct many of our conversations over the phone. The patient wants to discuss the obstacles she encounters in her daily life but we find it hard to do so productively when she can hear all my thoughts. However, she still comes in every month or so to check in and flex her ability. We often discuss her friend, Frank, which is becoming an increasingly frustrating topic as I have not yet-\nCome in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, Chloe, I thought you were Sarah-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, sorry, I know I’m a little early."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s alright. Why don’t you take a seat and we’ll get started in a second."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Frank: is in your waiting room."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We were painting earlier today and I convinced him to come talk to you. But he was so adamant about not taking up my session time so now he’s just sitting in your waiting room."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Is he-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’ll be fine there."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright. Well, then would you-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I figure we can do our usual bit, just shorter and then he can come in?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I suppose that-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Perfect, thanks Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, sorry, I’m doing it again aren’t I?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I suppose I should be used to it by now but your ability to cover both sides of a conversation can still catch me off-guard."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s perfectly alright. How’s school going?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good! I’m having to make up a couple of the big lecture classes that I dropped out of last semester and yeah, I definitely still get overwhelmed sometimes when I’m surrounded by that many people. But I figured out that if I sit in the front row, then I’m near all the students who are really concentrating on the lecture. And then if their thoughts distract me, it’s okay because it’s about the material! It’s great, I basically don’t have to take notes at all - I’m just recording the lectures and then absorbing all the thoughts around me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m glad recording has become such a beneficial tool for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It really has - that was a great idea, thank you. It’s really nice to lie on my bed at the end of the day and listen back to my classes, or conversations I’ve had, and just take the time to process everything. It’s weird, with everyone else’s thoughts coming into my head all day, I don’t really get to focus on my own until I’m by myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you had any success with shutting off the incoming thoughts completely?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not yet. I keep trying to think of it like you told me - like a tap that I have to turn off but I just, I can’t find the source."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, if the thoughts are water coming out of the tap, then I just have to turn off the faucet to stop them flowing into me, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s the idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But water from a faucet comes from one place. The thoughts are coming from everywhere. I can’t find the faucet handle to turn them off, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hm, then maybe thinking about the thoughts as water from a tap is the wrong approach. If they are intruding from all sides, maybe it would be better to put up walls, create a fortress around your mind that you can put up and take down as you wish."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That sounds a little extreme. I don’t like the idea of putting up walls. I don’t want to shut myself off from the world. Not now that I’m finally getting comfortable with it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m just not that person. I’m not the person who has to put up defenses and be cold to people just to get through the day."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I wasn’t- I didn’t mean you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re worried that I meant you. That I think you’re cold and walled off."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you don’t?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, you might not be the warmest person in the world, but I understand. I understand why you put walls up. I probably would too if I were you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not sure whether I find that a comfort or not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I didn’t mean you specifically. I’ve just seen so many people hide away and I don’t want to do that. I want to be open to what the world has to offer me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. If you don’t want to work on blocking out the thoughts entirely, that’s fine. It’s up to you to decide what we work on."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. Right now- right now, I feel good. I know it won’t always be easy, but things have been so much better recently. Even being in campus housing this year has been nice - I mean, I have a single but I’m still surrounded by people and it feels okay. I think- I actually think not blocking out the thoughts has been helpful - just letting them in has made it easier to manage."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes it’s important to be comfortable with being uncomfortable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly! Once I stopped trying to resist it, it got easier. Like, right now I can sit and have a conversation with you and yes, sometimes I get distracted by your thoughts and I can hear Frank and Sarah out in the waiting room, but I don’t feel like my head is going to explode."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I am very glad to hear that, Chloe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, Frank is sort of nervous out there. He’s worried he’s making Sarah uncomfortable."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sure he’s not. Sarah is used to dealing with all sorts of people and Frank sounds like a very nice young man. I feel as if I already know him with everything you’ve told me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think you’ll like him. Yeah, I know it took a long time to get him in here, but I think you’ll be able to help him too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I will certainly try."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Should I go get him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you’d like. Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I mostly came here today for him. Between talking to you and Sam on the phone every week, I feel like I’m covered. Yeah, I miss her too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Has she indicated to you when she’s coming back?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. Wait, you haven’t talked to her in a while? Why? Oh, you told her about your meetings at The AM. But doesn’t she understand that you’re doing that because you have to?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think she does but-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She’s still not happy about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "To be fair, I’m not exactly thrilled about it either."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you’ve liked seeing Ellie. Who’s Ellie?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She’s-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ellie Wadsworth? What kind of name is that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A fake one."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I haven’t exactly enjoyed seeing Wadsworth again-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s not what your thoughts say-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She was a friend. A very good friend. Or so I thought."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She’s the one that brought Mark in."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She certainly had a hand in it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Does Sam know that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell her. All she knows is that I’ve been forced to go in and give regular updates to The AM."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You really think it’s a good idea to keep more secrets from Sam?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, I understand that you and Sam are friends and that you’re invested in the situation, but with everything that has happened, I’d rather you didn’t get involved."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I am involved, Dr. Bright. Even if I wasn’t your patient, even if I wasn’t friends with Sam, there’s still Frank to consider, not to mention the fact that I’m a telepath. From everything I’ve learned in the past few months, it doesn’t seem like any atypical can avoid being tangled up in The AM, one way or another."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s what I’m trying-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-to prevent. Yes, I know. But you can’t control everything, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We really just should stick to the phone - these in-person sessions always seem to lead to you giving me therapy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe I should follow in your footsteps - maybe I’ve found my calling."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, you’re meant to help people, Chloe, just like you’ve always said. I’m not sure anything I’ve done has actually helped anyone. I’m sorry, that was a very inappropriate thing to say to a patient."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I would have heard it whether or not you said it out loud. I think we’ve moved past the normal doctor-patient relationship at this point. I think we passed it a while ago."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I suppose that’s true."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, Chloe, you’re not. It’s-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re not used to people knowing your secrets."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. I’m not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t judge you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re always worried about that during these sessions. That I’m going to judge you. That “Saint Chloe” is going to to think you’re a bad person."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, I-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t have to apologize. I know you don’t mean it maliciously. I don’t think you’re a bad person, Dr. Bright. I think you’re a complicated person."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well thank you.."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just because you’ve done some bad things doesn’t make you a bad person. My morality isn’t as black and white as you think it is. I’m not naive."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know you’re not, Chloe. But your ability to stay optimistic about the world is something that truly baffles me. I’m not sure I would feel the same after hearing the thoughts of those around me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people then. Optimism is the only way forward for me. If I let other people’s thoughts bring me down, I’d never get back up. I think that’s what happened to Frank a bit. He let too many people in and it dragged him so far under he couldn’t even see the light anymore. He couldn’t find a way to swim up. And now he’s floating around in the dark and just when I think maybe he’s starting to come up for air, he’ll think about something and-\nOh no-\nFrank, I’m fine.\nI got sad all of a sudden, I know.\nI know, Frank. I’m sorry. But I’m okay.\nIt’s okay, Frank. We were pretty much finished anyway. Dr. Bright, this is Frank."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello, Frank. It’s good to finally meet you.\nWhy don’t you come in and we can chat for a bit."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m going to go talk to Sarah - I need to ask her about something. If you need me just think it, okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to take a seat?\nWould you like to talk about what just happened, Frank?\nChloe was telling me about something that upset her and you knew how she was feeling. Is that something that happens a lot?\nShe’s told me that you’ve been having a hard time - that your experiences in the military have had a profound effect on you. But I don’t know the details.\nI’m here for you to talk about whatever you’d like. You can tell me as little or as much as you’re comfortable with.\nI understand that - I don’t really like talking about myself either. Would it help if we structured it? If you thought about it as a kind of debriefing?\nWonderful. Why don’t we start at the beginning. Why did you choose to join the military?\nThe 369th? Otherwise known as the Harlem Hellfighters, correct?\nMy father was a bit of a war history buff. That is quite the family heritage.\nYes, I understand your military experience was different from most.\nWere you excited to join?\nYou paint, correct?\nBut you didn’t go to art school?\nHow long were you over there?\nWhen you say special unit, what do you mean?\nTwo women? In combat positions?\nI do. And you’re comfortable telling me about it?\nI suppose that’s fair. Tell me more about this unit. In what other ways was it unique?\nThey were screening you.\nAnd you volunteered?\nHow do you mean?\nBut didn’t joining a new unit mean leaving your military family?\nWhat happened after you volunteered?\nFit for what?\nI’ve never met them.\nI do.\nAnd what were these trials for exactly?\nAn attempt? They didn’t work?\nWould you mind walking me through these trials? What exactly did they do?\nThat’s right.\nEnhance it how?\n“Us” being your unit?\nThey took a piece of the atypical biology and then manufactured an artificial strain of a Class A power.\nI’m sure Chloe told you that I used to work for The AM. I remember hearing about this kind of work, though I wasn’t aware it had made it to the human trial stage.\nYou felt connected to your fellow soldiers?\nCould you describe that for me?\nUseful how?\nTelepathically?\nHow did it feel to be able to do that?\nFrank, I know I said to treat this like a debriefing, but you’re not talking to one of your superiors. You can tell me how things affected you, how you feel - I want to know.\nI understand. But I think it’s important to try. That’s how we begin to heal.\nI’m very glad to hear that, Frank. You’re staying at the VA?\nI certainly hope to be of help.\nThat’s alright, Frank. I take on pro bono patients from time to time - you don’t need to worry about it. You’ve been staying with Chloe?\nThat’s very kind of her.\nI wasn’t worrying.\nWell, that. But also, she’s a very good judge of character. If she trusts you, then I do as well.\nSome people find asexuality a difficult concept to grasp.\nNo, I suppose you don’t. Have you been socializing with anyone else? People at the VA - other soldiers?\nHow about your old unit? Do you still talk to them?\nI’m- I’m very sorry to hear that, Frank.\nWould you like to tell me what happened?\nFrank-\nI- I’d be happy to listen more. I think it would be good for you to come talk to me.\nBut you said yourself that a standard counselor couldn’t quite understand what happened in those trials. I’ve worked with many empaths - it sounds like you have a similar disposition. Whether genetic or engineered, it makes no difference to me.\nYou shouldn’t have to carry that burden alone, Frank. I’m offering to help lighten the load.\nWould you like to sit back down, talk a little more?\nOkay.\nLet’s go talk to Sarah about setting up a regular appointment time.\nSarah-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright:, look who’s back."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 3 Transcript\n33 - Patient #13-A-3 (Chloe)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "New patient. Female, 20 years old. The appointment was made by her mother - a woman I met while in graduate school and the first atypical I ever worked with. She didn’t say much about her daughter on the phone, simply that she has been in therapy for quite some time, but is only getting worse.\nYou must be Chloe. Why don’t you come in?\nPlease, take a seat. Hello Chloe, my name is Dr. Bright. I’m glad you’ve come to see me. How are you feeling?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m feeling a little drained but okay. Optimistic even. Maybe cautiously optimistic."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m glad to hear that. As I understand it, you’ve been in therapy before but have been finding it frustrating. Could you tell me a little bit about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No one believes me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No one believes you about what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About any of it! They keep telling me I need medication and they’re wrong."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why don’t we start from the beginning. What made you seek therapy in the first place?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I started to hear things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What kinds of things?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At first I wasn’t sure. It was just quiet murmuring, like being next to a bee hive - a steady hum. (with wonder) And then things started to break through the hum and that’s when they started talking to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Who started talking to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The angels."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You believe that angels are speaking to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t believe it - it’s true. None of the others believed me and now you don’t either. You were supposed to be different."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn’t say that I didn’t believe you, Chloe. I’m just trying to understand. Your mother sent you to me - do you know why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She said you would be able to help me like you helped her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s my hope. I met your mother when I was getting my masters - she was working at the university at the time and we became good friends. She was dealing with a…special ability and - has she ever told you about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes - I didn’t think anyone else knew."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, well, I think I was the first person she ever confided in about it. And she was one of my first patients. I helped her learn to control it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Whoa. And it didn’t freak you out? That she could move things like that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was certainly surprised at first but then… it was amazing. I’d never dreamed that- well, your mother is very unique and it seems you’ve inherited some of that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So you believe me then - about the angels?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why don’t you tell me more about these angels. How often do they speak to you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, all the time. They’re speaking to me right now. It’s a little quieter than usual at the moment - they like to give me some space and be a little less noisy when I’m by myself or in a quiet place. They’re very respectful like that.Well, most of the time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When are they not respectful?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, if I’m in a busy place, like the campus dining hall, or driving home in rush hour, they can get really, really loud and they all try to talk at once and it gets to be a little much. That’s why I had to go to therapy in the first place. One of my professors made me see the college mental health advisor after I had a bit of an outburst during a lecture."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What caused the outburst?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I was trying to take notes on the found art movement - I’m an Art major - and there were so many voices getting in the way. Some of it was about the lecture - sometimes the angels try to be helpful, I know they mean well - but there was so much other stuff too and it was just too much and I couldn’t concentrate and everyone was looking at me, and I just sort of…lost it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. Is it always like that when you’re in a big group?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, mostly. It’s best when I’m in my studio. I do sculptures - mostly with clay - and I work at this outdoor studio on campus and I think the angels really like it because they always say the nicest things when I’m working. Even when the studio is full, they are always saying the nicest things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do they say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They just talk about art. It’s beautiful - the flow of artistic inspiration, all these different ideas - my art has reached new heights since they started talking to me. It’s like they’re all working on their own pieces and they tell me about them and it just elevates my own artistic thought."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sounds lovely. But lectures are still difficult for you?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I- I haven’t been to any since. After I talked to the school counselor, she told me to seek more “official psychological evaluation”. So I went to go see a therapist and that’s when I got my first diagnosis."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And what was that diagnosis?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Schizophrenia."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said that was the first diagnosis - you saw another psychiatrist after that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I saw two more before coming to you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And they said the same thing? Schizophrenia?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. But they’re wrong! I’m not schizophrenic. I’m not paranoid, I’m not seeing things - I’m not crazy!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No one is calling you crazy, Chloe. But auditory hallucinations are very serious."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They’re not hallucinations! What the angels are telling me is true. I know it is because that’s why I’m here with you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry? I don’t follow."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I moved back in with my parents after it all started and last week, I was sitting in the kitchen with my mom, trying to help her cook, but there were too many voices and it got to be a little much, so I sat down and put my head in between my knees because sometimes that makes me feel better, and then this little voice starts telling me things about my mom. I’m an only child but the angel was saying my mom had a daughter before me but she died. And I didn’t know that and it made me so sad so I asked my mom about it and she was so surprised. I wasn’t supposed to know, but the angel told me because my mom was thinking about her baby and it was making her sad about how I was sick. She was worried that something was going to happen to me too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The angel said your mother was thinking about the baby in that moment?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, that’s what my mom said. She was so shocked, because she had never told me about my sister and she said she had just been thinking about her. She said it was like I had read her mind. And that’s when she told me that I needed to come see you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I see why she would want that. Chloe, I think your mother is right. I think it’s possible you’re hearing the thoughts of other people."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wait, what? That’s a bit science-fiction-y isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? That seems strange to you? I’m sorry - I just- I’m surprised you find that harder to believe than angels speaking to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not my place to question the methods of the universe. She moves in mysterious ways and will send messages in whatever way she pleases. I’ve always felt a deep connection to the cosmos - it’s clearly trying to push me on a certain path."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you think that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because the angels tell me things that will help people. Like telling me about my sister - now my mom can talk to me about it and unburden herself. She doesn’t have to feel alone anymore."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What else have the angels told you that have helped someone?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well…nothing else yet. It’s- it’s hard to sort through all of them at once. They all talk over each other and I get snippets here and there. It’s easier when I’m with one other person, like with my mom. Or the college therapist. The angels told me she was way out of her depth and worried she was going to say something wrong to me so I tried to take it easy on her. You know, not overwhelm her too much with my energy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That was kind of you. But don’t you think it’s possible that what you were hearing were the actual thoughts of the therapist? How exactly do these “angels” communicate with you? Do you hear full sentences?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not so much, no. I don’t really know how to describe it - it’s like hearing the lyrics to a song that’s playing in the background. You’re not paying attention, but a word or two sneaks it’s way into your brain and maybe you get the idea of the song just from these few words and the melody and - does that make sense? I can’t pick out individual words exactly, but I just- I just know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. And you can’t choose not to listen, I gather?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no, it’s always there. And I can’t really choose to listen either if you know what I mean. Like I said, it’s not like I can focus on the words and pull out full ideas - they just come into my mind and then I understand them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you hearing them now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yep. Though they’re being quieter than normal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What are you hearing? Or, should I say, what are you understanding?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I’m not sure. Things don’t always come through - it’s a little unfocused at the moment. Someone’s worried about their next patient? Oh that- that must be you, I guess. Are you worried about your next patient?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How-? Um, yes, I suppose I am. But I wasn’t actively thinking about him in that moment."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you sure you should being doing therapy with this person? When you’re so worried about them being dangerous? It’s not worth it if they might hurt you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s - that really isn’t any of your business."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s alright, Chloe, you just, uh, you surprised me, is all. You were right. I am concerned for my next patient. He- this person is a difficult case and I’m not sure I can help them. But I wasn’t thinking about that when you heard it - I was very much focused on you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "See? I told you I wasn’t hearing people’s thoughts. It has to be some outside source - that’s the only thing that makes sense."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not sure that’s true. This patient is certainly on my mind - not actively, but in the back, somewhere between my current thoughts and my subconscious. I think it’s possible that’s what you’re hearing. That’s why it’s so scattered and hard to sift through. Humans are capable of thinking about so much at once that I’m not surprised it’s an unclear connection."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, maybe. I guess we’ll never know for sure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Says who? Chloe, I think you can learn to control this ability - focus it. It will become less distracting to you and perhaps you’ll be able to actively listen and pick out the thoughts. But I think that’s probably enough for today. Consider this a preliminary consultation - we can start full sessions next week if you’re interested in working with me. I just need to look at some of my notes and see what methods I can come up with."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, okay, right, that would be good, I think. If you really think you can help me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I think I can. Okay, so until next week, then. I want you to continue to avoid large groups and see if you can focus more on listening when you’re one on one with someone."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, thank you Dr. Bright. I’ll see you next week."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Chloe. It was lovely meeting you.\nEnd of Session 1. Truly remarkable patient. I had to cut the session short due to the patient becoming aware of my own neurological activity. This is going to be a difficult obstacle to overcome in treating her. She cannot be allowed to hear my thoughts, but I have to teach her to control her listening. In the next week, I will attempt self-hypnotism and meditation in order to control my own thought processes and limit what she can hear from me. If properly trained, she could be one of my most promising subjects.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 32 Transcript\nEpisode 32 - Damien, 9/23\nHoney, I’m home! You alright, dude?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uh, yeah, yeah, I’m fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is that my phone?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, you left it. Uh, the alarm started going off so I, you know- anyway, what’re we eating tonight?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Barbecue. We are finally in a state with good barbecue."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ooh, did you get-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Cornbread? Obviously, I have met you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yesssss.\nOh man, this smells amazing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t say I never do anything for you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wouldn’t dream of it. So…how was the outside world today?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Meh, pretty alright. It’s hot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ooh, weather, hey, what’s that like?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know you’re getting a little cabin fever-y but-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But it’s best for me to stay out of sight. It’s been almost three months, Damien. I think we’re probably safe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you want to be taken back to that place? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Better safe than sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do I have the feeling you’ve never said that expression before in your life. We’ve been playing it safe for a while and pretty soon I’m going to go nuts here from being cooped up like this."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I want you to stay inside during the day so that’s what’s going to happen."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, I don’t need to be reminded, thanks. Did you ever consider that maybe the guy who spent four years in captivity wouldn’t want to be held hostage anymore?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh please, you’re not being held hostage. I’m helping you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What’s the end game here? How long could we possibly keep doing this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Considering we’re not paying for these rooms or the food? Forever, probably."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "God, you’re such an asshat sometimes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? You gonna complain about free room and board?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I haven’t paid for rent since 2011. Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Once you get better, we can figure out what the next step is."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And by “get better” you mean get my power back, right? Because I am better in every other sense. I’ve gained weight, I can walk more than the length of a hallway now, the nightmares are…well, I mean, they’re not every night anymore, are they? If my power was going come back, it would have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But you said yourself that they couldn’t have taken it from you!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Then maybe it just doesn’t work with you!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think that’s possible?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know, maybe. The point is, we need to go back home. I need to talk to my sister and find Sam and try to figure this out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. Not yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You just need to get through whatever mental block you’ve got going on. Figure out how to access your ability. You can do it, I know you can."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Your belief in me is really nice, Damien, but I need to talk to Joan. You need to let me go talk to her."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t want you to. So you can’t."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien, I swear to god, if you just-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We can figure this out on our own. What does it feel like? Tapping into someone else’s power?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Come on, we haven’t really talked about your how your power actually works. Maybe if you talk about it…what? It’s worth a try."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fine. Um…I don’t know…it’s different for each person. Every person’s mind feels different to you, yeah? It’s like that, except…physical. If I’m near a pyrokinetic, I’ll start to feel hot, if someone's with an invisibility power, I’ll get all tingly - that kind of stuff. It’s like my body has an atypical proximity alarm."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you feel anything around me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Eh, well, it’s hard to tell. I feel your power - you wanting something and it becoming my own but…I don’t know if there’s something else that I can’t feel. Some way to get hold of your power for myself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I would still be able to use my ability around you right? You don’t, like, take it from me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, chill. I’m not going to steal your mind control superpower."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not mind control."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not mind control. Your sister was always adamant about that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you always call her that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Joanie. You always call her “my sister”."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No I don’t."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, you do. I mean, sometimes you call her Dr. B., but you never call her Joan. Or Dr. Bryant."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "…and that bothers you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s a little weird, isn’t it? What do you call her face-to-face?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. B. usually."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? Doesn’t she hate that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. But she likes it better than me calling her Joan. I tried that for a while and she was, uh, not pleased. And calling her “Dr. Bright” was too damn stuffy-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What did you say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh, I just meant saying Dr. B was just more-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You called her Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No I didn’t."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you think I’m a complete idiot? I know I’ve been a bit slow - I mean, I have been recovering from two years spent horizontal and unconscious - but I haven’t completely lost my ability for critical thinking."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Dr. Bright is my sister. My sister, your therapist, and Sam’s doctor are all the same person. And it makes sense, Joan would have changed her name after leaving The AM-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Actually, Dr. Bright was the name The AM gave her. I was surprised you didn’t remember that from when she got fired."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They never referred to her by name. Just “that doctor”. Most of what I heard about it was from Charlie and I think he was kind of afraid to talk about her directly. As if they had some sort of alarm system that would go off if you said her name out loud-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, you never know-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you know that’s her AM name anyway? Is that another thing you dragged out of her? Did you make her talk about The AM like you’ve made me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark, just-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Jesus, for once in your life, shut up. And stop wanting me to not be mad at you. You’re not powerful enough to make that happen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fuck you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh my god, why do you insist on being such a dick! What was the plan, Damien? Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, how did you find out?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, like I said, I’m not an idiot, I guessed it a while ago, and oh, whoops, you also left your phone here and you’ve got appointments with Dr. Bright in your fucking iCal."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You looked through my phone?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you really think you can be indignant about this?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s password protected!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh my god, we’ve been sharing a room for three months, I’ve been able to divine your iPhone password. You also seem to have my sister’s office, cell, and home number, which I know she would never give out to a patient-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Please, please, tell me you didn’t call-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course I fucking called, Damien. I would have kept calling if you hadn’t come back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What did she say?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Lucky for you, I got her machine - on which, by the way, she calls herself “Dr. Bright”, so I guess you've only got her work cell, which is a small mercy. And yep, thanks to you, the first contact I’ve had with my sister in four and a half years is leaving a fucking voicemail for her."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What did you tell her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Nope, you don’t get to know that. You’ve lost your sharing privileges."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Stop it! Stop using your ability on me, you absolute- (groans) I told her the truth. I told her that I’m with you and I’m safe and I would have told her where we are if I hadn’t slept through the last part of the drive and had any fucking clue, and that I missed her and I know that she was the one who saved me, along with Sam-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I saved you. I’m the one that risked my life walking into that place and I’m the one that carried you out-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Risked your life? Damien, you’ve never risked anything. You stay in your little world where you get everything you want and you never have to worry about anyone else-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I worry about you. You could be part of that world, I’ve been trying to get you to-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve been trying to get me to be your minion, your sidekick. If you actually wanted a friend - an equal - in this, you would fucking tell me the truth about things."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know more about me than anyone-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn’t even know your real name!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There’s a lot you can find out from someone’s phone."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jesus-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It looks like you didn’t even bother to legally change it-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why would I? People call me what I want them to call me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course. God, I can’t believe I’ve stayed with you for this long."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Then leave! You don’t want my help? Fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t leave, Damien, because you want me to stay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You know what, Mark, no I don’t. You want to go running to your big sister, you be my guest."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It doesn’t work like that, you know that-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It works how I say it works-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You have to mean it! What do you want from me? Why do you want me to stay so badly?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If I hadn’t lied to you - if I’d told you upfront that your sister roped me into to helping you escape and I…deviated from the plan, what would you have done?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Deviated from the plan? That’s fucking rich. You kidnapped me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What would you have done?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, probably nothing. I mean, I was really weak and I can’t resist your ability even now so…I guess I’d still be here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Exactly. So what would have been the point in telling you the truth? Huh? It would have just upset you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you ever consider just, I don’t know, not kidnapping me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I needed to see how your ability worked. Dr. Bright would have never let me anywhere near you if I’d handed you over."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Handed me over? God, I’m not an asset for you to trade. You sound just like them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who? The AM? Yeah, I’m nothing like them. I don’t want to experiment on you - I want you to use your power however you want!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Which is usually however you want! Oh my god, your lack of self awareness is on a new level."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can’t change who I am."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you can change how you behave. Don’t you get it, Damien? Your power isn’t a blanket excuse. It’s an enabler. You don’t have to lie, you don’t have to manipulate - you choose to use your power this way. But you could use it differently - you could choose to be better."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why would I? You think that I need to not use my power as much, that I need to start treating everybody like they’re worth something? What does that get me? Not all of us can be lovable boy scouts, Mark. Not all of us want to be."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t have to behave like such a sociopath."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Boy, you and Dr. B really are related. Both narrow minded, sanctimonious-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m just looking for a little decency in you, Damien. Forgive me for actually trying to like you. I know nobody’s ever made the attempt before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So why bother?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because I’m stuck with you. You want a Robin to your Batman or however the fuck you’re thinking about it and so here I am. I’m not going anywhere, apparently, unless you want me to, so I’m trying to make this bearable for myself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought we were having an okay time. We’ve been, you know, bonding."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is that what you think we’ve doing? I’ve been detailing every atypical ability I’ve ever encountered over greasy take-out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s not bonding to you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m more than my ability, Damien. I have other interests."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Okay, fine, we can talk about your other interests. Jesus, I didn’t realize there was a manual on how to be Mark Bryant’s friend…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you even remember what I asked for two and a half months ago? One of the only requests I’ve ever made. I asked if you could get me a camera. So that I could keep myself entertained during the day and take pictures when I go walking around at night. But you didn’t want to have your picture taken. Which, of course, I never said I was going to do. But because there was the slightest possibility of inconvenience for you, you didn’t do it. I know you haven’t had a lot of people in your life, Damien, but you’re an adult. You’re smart. Figure out how to be a fucking human being."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Robert."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You wanted to know my real name? Robert."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh. As in, Rob? Or Bob? Or do you go by the full thing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just- keep calling me Damien."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So? Is that…are we good?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are we good? No, we're not good- because you shared a tiny sliver of basic personal information? No, Damien, we’re not good. God, you’re unbelievable. It’s not that simple."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you want me to do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I want you to have not kidnapped me and screwed over my sister and tried to make me think I fell for an imaginary woman and then lied about all of it. Can you do anything about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "To be fair, you also thought that Sam was imaginary for a bit and I genuinely know nothing about her so I don’t think you can really put that one on me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh my god, I am so sick of people lying to me and fucking gas-lighting me - you can’t just worm your way out of the truth whenever you want. Jeez, this is exactly like The AM- Director Wadsworth was always trying to convince me of things that weren’t true. When I was resistant, she would tell me that if I didn’t exercise my power, it would rot me from the inside out,"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "-that I had to use it for them, for their experiments. And even though I know that isn’t true, sometimes I still feel like my insides are gonna spill out through the top of my head-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark, just calm down-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And here you are, telling me you don’t know who Sam is and I don’t know if I should believe you because maybe it’s just another lie and you do know her and you hurt her to get to me and this entire time I’ve just been sitting here-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark, I promise I’m not lying about Sam, but you need to calm down, something’s not right-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien, if you don’t shut up and start listening to me and what I want, I swear- you need to start telling me one hundred percent of the truth, or I will knock you out and drag you home by your shoelaces."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark, please, just sit-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t touch me-\nHey, Damien? What are you doing?\nDamien? Damien, this isn’t funny. Wake up. Damien. Fuck. Damien. Damien"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What happened?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know, I pushed you away and you just collapsed. Are you okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I feel weird."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What happened?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You were shouting and something was wrong-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, I’m pissed off."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, your mind…it was doing something funny."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It felt different. I wanted you to calm down but you wouldn’t - your mind started pushing back and, uh, it hurt."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How does my mind feel now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, um,…I can’t feel it really. I don’t think you want me in there. That hurts my feelings."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? Oh boy."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yep, yeah, I see what you mean. You definitely feel different too."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Let me try something.\nI can leave."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you still want me to stay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I want you to want to stay. And I want to tell you the truth. Wait, what?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh fuck."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark, what is going on?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When I left, did you want to follow me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, uhhhh, we’ve got a bit of a good news, bad news situation going on here. Good news: I’m ninety-eight percent sure I’ve got my power back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s amazing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well…there’s still the bad news. Um…I think I may have hijacked your power a little."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Huh?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, so I can’t feel your want anymore. But you’re being really honest with me with minimal snark, which is something I’ve been desperately wanting…so…also I can feel it. Your power. You were right, this is…unique. I feel like I’m wearing your brain as a hat a little bit."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s creepy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, yeah, sorry, I’m processing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t like this. I don’t like how this feels."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How does it feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Lonely."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ooh, yeah, okay, so this has sort of happened before. Sometimes when I would flex my ability around telepaths, I would just end up yanking out their thoughts and then sort of shouting into their heads? Like, they wouldn’t be able to go into my head until things kind of balanced out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So this will balance out?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uh, I don’t know, Damien. This is new territory. And I clearly had a lot of stuff that built up that just kind of…exploded out. Why aren’t you freaking out?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re weirding me out. You’re so blank faced and calm. Of course, because I want you to be calm, so you are. Is this what it’s like for you all the time? People just behaving how you want them to without you even thinking about it? Oh my god, say something."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Please don’t leave."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t feel right. Please don’t leave."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "God…don’t worry. I’m not gonna leave you. Not in this state."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is there something wrong with me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There’s always been something wrong with you- sorry. Yeah, Damien, something’s wrong. And I’m sorry to do this, because it’s a shitty thing to do, but you did it first. We’re leaving. This time, on my terms."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Where are we going?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "To see my sister."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t want to do that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You know what, Damien? For the first time, what you want doesn’t matter.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 33 Transcript\n33 - September 24th, 2016"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Joan Bright. If this is to schedule an appointment, please press one to speak to Sarah. Otherwise, please leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey Joan, what’s up?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He called."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who called?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He left a message. I was on the phone with Agent Green, I can’t believe-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you- would you come by?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, yes, yeah, of course. I’m coming over right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, I’ll see you soon."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chloe, it’s me. Sorry for running out on you so fast - we haven’t been able to get a hold of him. Of Mark. But I got to hear his voice again and…at least we know he’s safe. For now. Joan said we should both just try to get some sleep and figure it out tomorrow - maybe try and track Damien’s phone? I don’t know, the message was left hours ago and now it’s going straight to voicemail so…I don’t want the trail to run cold again. Anyway, I’m meeting her at her office tomorrow afternoon - do you want to come with? I think we could both use the moral support. Anyway, I’m getting on the bus just- call me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s it. I’ve tried calling back - he was using Damien’s phone - but it keeps going straight to Damien’s very obnoxious voicemail."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What if Damien did something to him? I mean, we know he came in right after Mark hung up. What if he hurt Mark and then ditched his phone? Mark:’s voice on that message…he sounded scared. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him scared before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t think- I mean, Damien wouldn’t- I mean, I know that Mark is bisexual, but do we know what Damien- I mean, is he- do we really have any idea about his…intentions?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m…not sure. It’s never been a subject he’s spoken about with me - his sexuality, that is. But…but I don’t think he’d go there. Not intentionally."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m gonna kill him.\nIf he- I mean- if he hurt Mark at all, I will kill him. Mark is vulnerable and we don’t know how his ability interacts with Damien’s but we do know Damien can’t be trusted and- and oh my god, I don’t think I’ve ever really hated anyone before. Is that what this is? Is this real hate?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe’s right. We can’t go flying off the handle. Not until we have more information at least."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sorry. I just- I can’t stand the idea of Mark being afraid of someone. Thanks, Chloe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe - I appreciate you accompanying Sam this morning but you are still my patient. You really shouldn’t be here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s right! You were saying something about her when Joan called me last night."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What? What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wait, Wadsworth, as in-?\nHow-?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you certain? How do you know?\nHow-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think that’s how Adam’s parents ended up working with The AM? Because of his aunt?\nDo you think Adam knows?\nAnd this is the aunt he’s staying with this weekend?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Adam is with Ellie right now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Jeez. Joan…are you okay?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I- I never intended for all of this to happen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I should get that.\nDr. Bright speaking.\nCaleb! Is everything alright?\nOf course. What’s wrong?\nWhat about him?\nHis house? He’s at his house this weekend?\nI- I thought I remembered you mentioning he was with- um, with relatives this weekend.\nShe got called into work? What does his aunt do again?\nAbout his aunt?\nI thought everything was squared away with you two.\nThen what’s your concern?\nEscalated?\nOh! Oh.\nYou were taking it slow.\nEscalating.\nAnd how do you feel about that?\nCaleb, take a deep breath. If you’re not ready to get more physical with Adam, you don’t have to. I’m sure he’d understand.\nAh. Yes, I see how that might be challenging.\nDo you know why he’s nervous?\nThere’s no guidebook to having your first relationship, Caleb. Or any of kind relationship, for that matter. You and Adam: may face unique challenges but it’s not abnormal to be nervous about moving forward in a relationship.\nCaleb, what’s your real concern?\nThe hype?\nJust talk to him. Express your concerns before…escalating things.\nCaleb.\nIf you’re not ready to talk about it, then maybe you should continue to take things slow.\nYou know you can talk to me about anything, Caleb.\nYou’ve felt like that before, haven’t you?\nJust remember all the mindfulness you’ve been practicing for the past year. You’re able to balance your emotions so well now, especially with Adam. I’m sure that becomes difficult when things get…heated, but it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Just be mindful and give yourself time to adjust.\nIs there anything else you want to discuss?\nYou can call me anytime, Caleb, you know that. About anything.\nDo you trust him?\nAdam. Do you trust him to listen to you and respect your opinions and your feelings?\nOkay, then you should talk to him about it, even if it is about him. After all, you did say he was nervous too - maybe he has similar fears.\nAnd Caleb…please: be safe.\nOh- well. It’s important.\nSee you tomorrow, Caleb.\nSorry about that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Was it Mark?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. No, it was a patient.\nWhat? Oh. Um, yes, he’s fine. You shouldn’t be listening in on my thoughts when I’m thinking about other patients. Even if you know them.\nI guess we’re not even pretending to uphold professionalism anymore…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m missing something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine, Sam, it isn’t relevant."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is it about Adam’s parents again? Does Caleb know about Annabelle?\nWhat? Oh. Oh. Chloe!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I agree with Sam on this - I’m Mark’s big sister, remember? I don’t need to hear about his sex life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He doesn’t have one! I mean, not with me- I mean-\nShut up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We should not be discussing this. Caleb is already more involved in everything than he should be. He is my patient, I’m supposed to keep him safe- that is, I’m supposed to keep his information confidential, which I realize is impossible around you, Chloe-\nI can’t stop you hearing my thoughts, you know that.\nI’m sorry?\nChloe-\nWhich is all the more reason we shouldn’t be talking about him. I would appreciate it if you-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chloe-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But it is becoming dangerously close. The AM has destroyed people’s lives-\nThat place is poison.\nYeah, yes, thank you, Chloe, I don’t need a reminder that I have no privacy around you.\nI don’t think you get to decide for others what is and isn’t crossing the line.\nI do what I need to - recordings are valuable evidence.\nSo I can understand atypicals better - I can’t help my patients if I don’t understand their conditions. Sam knows - she understands the importance of collecting research."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, I do, but…I’m sort of with Chloe on this one. I was really mad when I found out you were recording my sessions - if I remember correctly, I asked you to delete all of them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And I did - off my computer. You have the only copies. They could still be of some use to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That doesn’t mean I’m happy that they exist in the first place. I never agreed to it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The people you’re researching in the past don’t agree to it either - they don’t even know that you’re there."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but they’re long dead!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And that makes it okay?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn’t choose this ability and neither did Chloe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right. But you’ve both gained a lot of control over your abilities and you now get to choose what to do with them.\nOf course not. I-\nYes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan…I know we have our disagreements…but I wouldn’t be where I am today without you. And I can’t speak for Chloe but-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s just so young.\nAnd all he wants to do is go to school and play football and love his boyfriend who has a potentially dangerous family."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do we tell him? About Adam’s aunt?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think it’s up to Chloe. It’s because of her ability that we know about Ellie- Annabelle at all. She should be the one to decide.\nI thought you said you wanted to protect Caleb-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chloe-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, I didn’t-\nI suppose some of that was a long time coming."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. I’m sorry for dragging you into it. Privacy has been an issue between Chloe and I for some time and I- I should have worked on resolving it long ago."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s okay. As you said - I’m one to talk. I’ve violated people’s privacy too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you’re right - it is different when you’re observing people in the past."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s not what I’m talking about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What did you mean before?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Before Caleb called. You said you never intended for any of this to happen."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "When I set up my private practice I knew there would be some…complications."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because you were still under The AM’s thumb."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly. I wasn't sure I could truly help people with The AM always looking over my shoulder but I didn’t really have a choice. It was either continue to feed them information and try to get my brother out or try to report them - take them down - and who knows what that would have led to. It could have very quickly and spectacularly backfired. So I chose the easier option - the safer option, the selfish option. And I thought I could make the most of it - continue the good work that I was doing and find a way to get Mark out of there. And now three of my patients are tied up in this horrible situation and I- well, I never intended that to happen."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe that was true when you first started but you wanted to recruit me and Chloe the moment we walked into your office. I mean, you asked Chloe point blank to eavesdrop on your ex while you met with him. And me-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I told you about Mark because you saw him-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But how long would have been until you asked? Even if I hadn’t come across him on my own, I was always your ticket to getting him out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My goodness, this is really the day for confronting all my faults, isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to pile on but- I just. You’ve talked a lot to me about acceptance. It’s worth owning up to some of your mistakes, don’t you think?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Speaking of, should I interpret what you said earlier as you spying on people who are not only in the past?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We’re not talking about me-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, have you done something that could get you into trouble?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I may have done a little snooping in The AM’s files—"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn’t get very far. Their security is…very good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you get caught?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Agent Green knows."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have it handled."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have…precautions in place."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have the feeling you’re not going to tell me what that means."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. Not right now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chloe and I really didn’t come here with the purpose of ganging up on you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know. But you’re right. Both of you are. I did view you both as…tools when we first met."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought you said relationships aren’t based on someone’s usefulness to you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ideally, that’s true. But that’s not how- well, I learned quite the opposite at The AM. My relationships there…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t tell me you were with Agent Green because he was useful. He seems…well- not un-useful but-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, being with Owen wasn’t about that. I liked his company. No, it was- well. Wadsworth only associates herself with people who have something to offer her."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What kind of aunt do you think she is? I mean, I can’t imagine she has much to gain from her relationship with her 17 year old nephew."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have no idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are you okay? Sorry- insane question, I just- when Chloe told us about Annabelle, you went really, really pale."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I, uh- there was actually a part of me that thought - just for a moment - that Ellie was Adam’s aunt because of me. That it was all part of an elaborate scheme to insert herself back into my life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow. She’s really in your head isn’t she?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. I suppose she is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How have your meetings with her been going?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They’ve been…fine."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you guys talk about?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The work, mostly. Innovations in the field, new discoveries, et ceterca. (beat) Occasionally she’ll ask me personal questions. Especially if she thinks it will help her get under my skin. But we were never- we weren’t really close friends in that way."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "As in, you didn’t talk about your feelings and stuff?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A bit ironic for two therapists don’t you think?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ellie isn’t a therapist really. Her degrees are in neuroscience. She worked with the patients, yes, but she was usually coming at it from a hard science angle."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not a people person?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s not that. It’s - she was good at talking to the patients sometimes, at talking them down from a crisis or talking them into something. But it was only if it benefitted her. I don’t think she cared much about what benefitted the patient. She was extremely emotionally manipulative."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hm."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Nothing. I- it just sounds like maybe she rubbed off on you. What? I’m not trying to kick you while you’re down, but- I mean-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine, Sam. know I’m not the paragon of virtue."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You and me both."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, don’t be so hard on yourself. The mistakes you’ve made have been out of your control."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But why didn’t I keep looking?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why did I come home? I haven’t even been back two weeks and Mark’s contacted us. I should have stayed out there. I should have kept looking."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We don’t have any better idea of where he is now than we did two weeks ago. Continuing your search probably wouldn’t have made a difference."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I gave up. I gave up on him and he would never have given up on me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You didn’t give up. You made a tactical retreat to regroup."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh boy, you really have been spending too much time at The AM."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think you’re probably right."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Once we get Mark back will you- will you be able to- you know-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Will I be able to what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "To tell Wadsworth and The AM to go fuck themselves?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Samantha!"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry, I’m very stressed out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Your reluctance is not super encouraging."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I- I don’t want stir things up the moment things come together. I’ll wait for Mark to settle in. Keep an eye on both him and The AM until things calm down."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just admit it, Joan. You like going there. You like talking to her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I guess I do. Or at least, parts of it. I don’t like physically going to The AM - that place holds too many memories. All of which have been tainted by the image of my brother sick and scared behind a glass door."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But…?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But talking to Wadsworth is…well, it’s easy to get sucked back into it. She’s so clever. And powerful. I remember, a few months before I…left, we got a visit from headquarters - all these gray haired men in suits coming to evaluate the branch and get an update on a project we were doing - Wadsworth’s pet project. It- Oh, who cares, you’ve already hacked them: it had to do with making non-atypicals immune to atypicals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? Is that- is that possible?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. Well, at least not yet. That’s what Wadsworth would always say: “what’s impossible today is yesterday’s news tomorrow”."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Exactly. Pretty meaningless but she said it with such conviction that you believed anything really was possible. Ellie doesn’t believe in dead ends. And so these higher-ups came, all ready to shut down this experimental program that was costing millions of dollars and yielding no results, and Ellie got up in front of the entire conference room and essentially bullied headquarters into giving her twenty million more dollars and extending the trial by two years. By the time the brass left, they looked like they had been on a tilt-a-whirl."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. She is something else."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t have to say it with quite so much admiration."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam, I don’t-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hello?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh my god."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark?\nMark, are you okay? Where are you?\nMark, what happened? You called and then- we’ve been trying to call you back, but you weren’t- where are you?\nWhat happened to Damien’s phone?\nWhat do you mean?\nOkay. Okay, we’ll figure it out. I promise. Just come home.\nCan you do what he can? Can you get people to do what you want when you’re near Damien?\nThen do what you need to to come home.\nPlease, Mark. Just come home."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ll go."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Mark- Mark, it’s me. It’s Sam.\nYeah. Yeah, I’m good. Hi.\nHow’s the 21st century treating you?\nNo. No, it’s not.\nNo, I’m sorry- I’ll- I’m going to come and get you. I’ll get in the car right now, I’ll drive to Texas-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? I have to- I spent all that time searching and now we know-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you really think it’s a good idea for you to be on the road right now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you mean? I have to go- I have to-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sam. Sam. You’re flickering."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh. Right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can you find a bank? I’ll wire you money, you can fly-\nAre you sure-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me too. I- I’m so sorry. For not telling you the truth- the whole truth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So put in more quarters-\nWait, Mark-\nMark? Mark! He’s okay."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "He’s okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And he’s coming home."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, he’s coming home."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And now…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Now? We wait, I guess."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. We wait.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 34 Transcript\n34 - Frank"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Frank- do you mind if I record this? It won’t be heard by anyone but me, but I find it helpful to listen back to sessions in order to understand my patients better."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Like Chloe does when she’s talking to people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Exactly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She’s the reason you’re asking, isn’t she?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She told me about the argument the two of you had."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She feels pretty bad about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She shouldn’t. Did she tell you she felt bad or was it something you felt?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I felt it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how do you feel about being able to do that? About being able to feel other people’s emotions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It depends."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "On what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "On who the person is. I- I like feeling what Chloe feels."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And everyone else?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t like how anxious you feel right now. I hope I’m not making you nervous."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I- no, of course not, Frank. It’s been- it’s been a stressful few days that’s all. I’m sorry if my anxiety is making you anxious. You have nothing to worry about when you’re in here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you. And thank you for agreeing to see me again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, Frank. I want to help. I’d like to start by talking about what your goals are for therapy - what do you feel was missing in your sessions at the VA?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, like I said the last time, they couldn’t really understand everything that I’d gone through. I suppose I could’ve told them about the experiments but…well, I didn’t want anything to get back to the higher ups."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There are things that they don’t know about me - things that they overlooked when I was discharged. I didn’t want to give them any reason to get suspicious and track me down again. They’ve left me alone so far."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You haven’t had much contact with the military since returning home?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, ma’am."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Remember, Frank, you don’t have to call me ma’am, unless you want to. You’re welcome to call me Dr. Bright, or Joan, if you prefer. What didn’t you want them knowing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That I was having problems with the Unity compound. They didn’t- they assumed it wouldn’t work anymore. That’s why they haven’t been very involved. They don’t realize I can still use the empath ability."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was the compound - you said it was called the Unity compound?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s what we called it. It had a long, official name - a bunch of letters and numbers that the lab coats called it - but we called it Unity because that was the name of the Project."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see. And was Unity meant to be temporary?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, it was permanent. But it was only supposed to work with the other people who got it - just the rest of my unit. It wasn’t supposed to work with everyone."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do they know that it can work with anyone?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t believe so, no. You’re confused."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s just- that’s a pretty significant detail for a team of scientists to overlook."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The scientists didn’t. When they put the Unity compound - drug, serum, or whatever it was - into us, that was monitored. We did all these tests and trials, did exercises as a unit to get used to it, had all our vitals measured the whole time to make sure our bodies could take the stress. But once they realized it worked, we were put back in the field and they stopped checking up so much. We would go back to the base and do evals in between our tours but it’s not like they knew what to look for. Once it was in our bodies it wasn’t supposed to change."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But it did change?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. We were all a bit slow to notice at first - it’s an adjustment, being that in tune with eight other people. But eventually your body settles into it, finds a rhythm - a comfort - in it. Towards the end of our second tour, we noticed that something had shifted."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Shifted how?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Have you ever painted with watercolors, Dr. Bright?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t say that I have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not my preferred medium - with oils and acrylics, you can be more exact. It’s easier to get the color you want, make the lines that you want - and you can always paint over it once it’s dry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And that’s not the case with watercolor?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If you’re not careful, watercolor bleeds. The pigment will stray outside the line, spread out on it’s own. And you can’t pull it back in or paint over it - if you add more paint, it bleeds more."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds frustrating."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It can be. But the end result is beautiful if you have the patience for it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sure it is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That started happening to us. For the first year or so, the Unity stayed within the lines of our unit - it was contained to the nine of us. It was painting with oils - each person was their own color, but you could mix them in different combinations. But it was deliberate; it was in our control. And then…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And then?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It started to bleed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean by that, Frank?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’d like to talk about something else, please."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright. We can come back to this. Is it alright if I ask you a few questions about the experiments?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Was it just your unit being given the chemical compound, or were they testing it on multiple units?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. We were the only marines I ever saw around - I mean, I guess they could have been doing more experiments elsewhere in the country but we were the first team as I understand it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you don’t know if more soldiers were given the compound?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know of any specifically but I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried it out on some other people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why do you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The experiment was a success in their eyes - at least that was the impression we got after our first tour. It did make us more efficient - more cohesive as a unit. I think they’ve shut down the project now though."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you know?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was expensive. With each check-up, fewer and fewer people were involved. At the last eval we had, there were only…ten people there? Maybe?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And previously there had been more?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Lots more. The initial trials had about twenty doctors, at least five generals, and then a bunch of brass from the DOD and that AM organization. There were probably about fifty people there watching us as we got injected for the first time."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My goodness. And you recognized the Hayes out of all that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, they were pretty high up as far as I can tell. It was pretty easy to pick out the people that were running different parts of the show."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And the Hayes were running part of it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It sure seemed like it. There was Dr. Roberts, Dr. Sadler, and Dr. Rodriguez - those were the folks actually injecting us, doing our physicals, basically running the people end of the experiment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you had any contact with any of these doctors since returning?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. Dr. Sadler wrote me a nice letter after- well, right before I came back. She was always really nice to us. So was Dr. Rodriguez, but he left the Project after our second tour. I never did find out why."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And Dr. Roberts?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Haven’t heard anything. I don’t know what he’s up to these days - I imagine he’d be retired by now, he was ancient. I guess he’d been a field medic way back in the day and moved up the ranks with the General who was running the military side of the project. General Patton - yep, that’s his real name. No relation, as far as I know. He and Dr. Roberts were pretty close - I think they came up with the idea for Unity together and then got the Hayes and The AM to make it a reality."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But the Hayes weren’t the ones running the experiments?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No. They were responsible for the compound itself. I guess they’re some of the DOD’s top scientists so they did all the nitty-gritty lab stuff. Worked with the Director from The AM that would come in from time to time. I never caught her name but I think she may have been related to Dr. Hayes- the female Dr. Hayes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What makes you say that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, they looked alike for one. And they had definitely known each other for a long time - you can tell that type of thing, you know? They were always whispering to each other, trying to give each other notes…before I joined up with Unity, I was with a larger unit of Marines and there were these twins. You could tell they loved each other - they would have died for each other - but they were also fiercely competitive. One was always trying to one-up the other. Dr. Hayes and this Director were like that - like sibling rivalry. Between that, the fact that the Hayes are a married couple, and that Patton and Roberts had known each other for a hundred years, it really felt like a family affair. Guess there’s benefit to such closed ranks - easier to build trust and- why did you get scared all of a sudden?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There’s this balloon of fear that just started expanding— is something wrong?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I- I think I know The AM Director you’re referring to. She keeps popping up in unexpected places."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. Like I said, I never talked to her, but she had a certain…something about her. Slippery or something. Slippery but strong."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That sounds about right. It sounds like you got a very good handle on the scope and structure of the whole project. Did they brief you on each of these individuals before you began the experiments?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, ma’- sorry. Hard habit to break, especially when talking about this kind of stuff. No. It was just things I picked up from being in the room. Most of the time, scientists and generals and all those types don’t really pay attention to you when you’re a soldier. They kind of forget you’re there, I think. So they talk like they’re alone. Makes it pretty easy to get the lay of the land."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You said you liked Dr. Sadler and Dr. Rodriguez - how did you feel about the rest of the team?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I didn’t have as much contact with the rest of them - General Patton was a smart man, but very serious. Same with the Hayes - very smart and very stubborn. The military was trying to rush them but they wouldn’t let the docs inject us until they were one hundred percent confident that the compound was safe."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like…like you were in good hands."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We were. You’re surprised again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You can feel that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I can see it on your face."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah. I’m not surprised at the fact that the team working on Project Unity was the best of the best, but- well, I suppose I’m a bit surprised to hear you talk about it so easily and in such positive terms."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It wasn’t the scifi horror show that it might sound like. I get it, the term “military experiment” is a bit…intense."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And it wasn’t intense?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh no, it was. But not that much more than anything else I did in my years with the Marines. It was a lot like regular training, but with more needles and monitors. But it’s not like we were being tortured. We all volunteered."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And how do you feel about it now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "About volunteering?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I would make the same choice. I’ve surprised you again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. You have."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not the volunteering I regret."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you do regret something?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I regret a lot of things."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Like what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m- I don’t think I’m ready to talk about that just yet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Let’s leave the past for a moment - how are you feeling now? Today, this week - how are things going?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Better. There are still- well, you know, there are still bad days. But going back to the counselor at the VA a few months ago really helped me deal with- with some of the more normal military stuff, I guess. Chloe has been a big help. It’s nice to have someone who knows what’s going on in my head without having to explain."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m very glad to hear that. And Mrs. Turner? Are you happy living with her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Very much. I try to help around the house as much as I can - fixing things that don’t need too steady of a hand but Vanessa…well, she doesn’t need a lot of help, does she? I’ll offer to carry something heavy for her but she just…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Uses her mind?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. It’s pretty amazing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It is. I’m sure she appreciates the offer of help all the same."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I think she does but I don’t want to overstay my welcome. Once I get a job, I’ll start saving up so I can find my own spot."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you feeling about the job search?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Alright. Some people get weird about hiring vets. They either don’t want to deal with the trouble of someone like me - someone who hasn’t had a job since he left the military, who maybe they recognize from the streets - or they feel like they owe you something because you served. That’s almost worse. They make you feel like you’re special in a way that’s…well, I already have plenty of reason to feel different, I don’t need someone pointing it out by thanking me for my service or telling me how brave I am."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know that it must be difficult being an even smaller niche of the military, but you are not alone in feeling this way. Last time we spoke, you mentioned you still went to meetings at the vet center from time to time - I think that’s a wonderful idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, it’s good. But even that- well, sometimes I don’t want to relate to someone as a soldier, you know? It can be great to hear other vets talk but sometimes I just want to be me. Nothing else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s perfectly understandable. I hope that’s what this space can be for you - you can just be who you are, in this moment. I’ll never ask you to be anyone else."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you. That’s why I was even willing to talk to Chloe all those months ago. She was so odd - she came out of nowhere and just started talking to me. A few words here and there until she mentioned painting and then it all just came pouring out. And I didn’t get it then - how she knew I was an artist - but I was just so relieved to have somebody see me as something more than a homeless vet."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m very glad that the two of you met. I think it has been good for both of you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hope so - I hope that it’s been good for Chloe, that is. I don’t know where I’d be without her, or Vanessa. I actually have a job interview this afternoon that Vanessa set up for me - security at the university she works at."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s wonderful."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hope it goes well. I think it’d be perfect - it’s a night shift covering the main library and a couple administrative buildings so it’d be quiet and then I could paint during the day when the light is good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds ideal. Are you comfortable working alone?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I think so. I’ve been on my own for a little while now and it’s…it’s easier when I’m having a bad spell if I’m not around other people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand that. I’m curious - do you feel a difference between being around Chloe and her mother versus non-atypicals?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know. When I was on the street, sometimes there would be these rushes of emotions so strong that I felt like I was drowning. But I’m not sure if it was from the people passing by or if it was just…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It definitely feels stronger with people like Chloe and her mom - it feels more like it did with my unit. Like we’re on the same wavelength. Being around Caleb is sort of the same except- well, he’s a nice kid and all, but I can’t say I enjoy being around him all that much."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s like…okay, so we had these walkie talkies we used over there - these relics - old, clunky tech. We didn’t really need radios because of they way we could communicate but we carried them just in case. And sometimes when two walkie talkies were on and next to each other, there would be an awful screeching sound. Being around Caleb is like that- like our minds are trying to tune in to each other but we just keep getting feedback. I guess because he’s a real empath."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That makes sense to me - I’ve heard a patient describe something similar before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Let me guess - was it Caleb?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t tell you that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is there anyone else you have a strong reaction to?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I guess it must be easier with atypicals because, yes, I can feel Sam’s emotions sometimes. Not a lot of them but…it’s like I can feel the ones I recognize, if that makes sense. With Chloe, it’s the creative things that always feels the strongest - when she gets excited about something she’s working on, it’s like this little spark jumps into my body and I want to pick up a paintbrush right away. And I try but…well, I haven’t gotten my hands to stop shaking for long enough to finish anything. But it’s nice to watch Chloe paint. She’s better than she gives herself credit for. I can feel her sadness too - she tries to hide it, but I know her well enough now to feel it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So your ability to “tune in” increases the more you spend time with someone?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It seems to. With Sam though, I got a signal right away."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because she was feeling an emotion you recognized?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. That’s right."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What was the emotion?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Guilt. She’s swallowed in it. A lot of people in my unit had stuff to feel guilty about - myself included - but…she wears it like a straightjacket, you know? I thought it was going to choke her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Is guilt something you feel frequently?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Around Sam? Yeah, a fair bit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, I meant yourself. Not other people’s emotions - do you feel guilt yourself?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course I do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you like to talk about it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I already know why I feel that way - it’s not like it’s unusual for someone like me. I feel guilty about the things that I did, the people I killed. About my unit. Survivor’s guilt and all that. Standard stuff."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just because other people may feel the same things doesn’t make your emotions any less valid or any less worth examining."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’ve talked about all this with the military counselor."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So you don’t feel that you need to talk about it more?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, I- the thing is, that- well, I couldn’t tell the counselor everything."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why not?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Because there are some things that happened that don't happen to every soldier. Maybe other people kill and lose people but no one- no one…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No one what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No one else has to feel all of it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean, Frank?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s- that’s how we noticed the difference."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What difference?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The- the bleeding - the Unity working on people other than us. I- I don’t know that I can- it’s not pleasant to talk about."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve heard many things in this office, Frank. I- I’ve done many things that I’m not proud of. I’m not going to judge you. But if you’re not ready to talk about it, you don’t have to. I’m here whenever you’re ready. There’s no timeline for this."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I want to- there’s so much that I haven’t said since- and so much I’ve never said- and Chloe doesn’t even know. I mean, maybe she’s picked up a thought here and there but I don’t think she- I don’t know that she’d ever understand. I don’t know that you’ll be able to understand."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t say with any confidence that I’ll ever be able to understand what you’ve been through, Frank. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep your experience to yourself. If you want to say it out loud, you can."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We- we went in for a raid. And there were- well, there were bad people, okay? And the intel was solid - these guys were the enemy - they were the enemy - they were holed up in this house in the middle of nowhere, totally alone, no civilians or anything like that. It was a clear-cut mission. And- and-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did something go wrong?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, no- not in the way you’re thinking. It went off without a hitch - these guys were dangerous but by then, we were working together seamlessly. We’d had the Unity for a year or so and it was like we were one person. So we go through this house - quiet as can be - and take the men out. And that’s the first time we felt the bleed- the- there was something else seeping into our bodies. Someone else’s emotions."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you find out where it was coming from?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes. It wasn’t one of ours it was- it was the men we killed. They- well, once the first shot rang out, they picked up their weapons and it was harder to get a clean shot in. So some of the men- the- they were our enemy. It was our job to- we had to- but we didn’t know that it would- that we would- We felt them die. All of us - we felt these men lose their grip on life and take their final breaths. And it wasn’t pain - not the pain that you see on someone’s face when they die, not the pain that I- that I- it was something else. It was fear and disappointment and hate and sadness and I can taste it on my tongue even now and I’m just- we’re so sorry. We didn’t know and then we felt it and it made things so hard and we- you have to get used to it, to do what we do and we knew it wasn’t okay but we did it anyway. And we didn’t tell anyone because we didn’t want to leave- we just kept doing it, kept feeling it, every time because if we- if we left- if they shut us down, we wouldn’t be together anymore and we had to be together, we had to stay together, we had to die together and we didn’t. We didn’t."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you for sharing this with me, Frank. I know this must be incredibly difficult for you but saying it out loud is an important step in accepting what happened."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t want to accept it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand that, Frank, and it’s perfectly normal to feel that way. But you don’t have to do penance for your past actions."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course I do."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No, Frank. Punishing yourself forever is not going to get you anywhere. It doesn’t honor those men, or your unit, or the life you still need to live."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t deserve it. This life. I should have- I should have gone with them."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course you deserve this life, Frank. Everyone deserves to live. Think about all the things you have in your life - art, Chloe, your own progress. Even without all of that, you have a heart beating in your chest and air in your lungs. You are alive. Despite everything you’ve been through, you have survived. You are strong. You are strong enough to accept what you cannot change. I know you are."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How? How do you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because you were strong enough to share what happened to you. That takes so much courage."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t feel courageous."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand that. But coming in here, talking about what has happened to you, that is an act of courage. We cannot change the past, Frank. As much as we may want to. All that’s important now is what lies ahead."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How am I supposed to move forward from this? These feelings, they- they cycle through my body like poison working its way through my bloodstream. And I can’t suck it out. No matter what I do, I’m infected with it. The colors bleed and I can never get them back inside the lines again. I can’t forget and sometimes I wish I could but that wouldn’t be fair - I have to remember them. All of them. Everything that happened. I can’t forget."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Frank, earlier you said you didn’t regret volunteering. Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They were my family. They were my family and I let them down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It is extremely difficult to lose your family, Frank. It’s okay to feel sad or angry or guilty about it - it’s expected, even. But I’d like you to tell me about why you volunteered in the first place. What made you want to join the Marines?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, like I said, it was my dad’s idea. And it seemed like the thing to do, to make him happy. But then…I like protecting people. I want people to be safe, for their lives to be better. And I thought the Marines was the way to do that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you feel about the Marines now?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Last session you said you were excited - honored - to be part of Project Unity. Why is that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I wanted to make a difference - to be part of something that could change the world. My nana was always going on about how scientists were the real heroes. She was married to a scientist - I never met him, but he helped make some breakthroughs in vaccines in the sixties and nana was always so proud of that. She didn’t like that my dad went to war and she really didn’t like that he wanted me to go. She would always say that wars come and go but science is always there. She liked the certainty of it. Project Unity felt like my chance to live up to her - to the man she wanted me to be. Unity was cutting edge, it- it changed things. What we did - it wasn’t perfect, maybe, but it could help a lot of people. They know that it works now - making normal people better, stronger. That could save lives. It did save lives. That’s what I don’t regret. Progress is progress and I’m happy to die for that if it means the folks who come after me get to live a better life."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Next time you start to remember the difficult moments in your past, focus on that - on the fact that you were part of something bigger that you feel was bettering humanity. Nothing that happened can change that fact."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yes, ma’am."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But you still need to try and accept the things you cannot change. Are you willing to try an exercise with me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Make sure you’re seated comfortably, close your eyes, and focus all of your attention on your breath…\n…now let the last leaf float away and begin to bring your attention back into the room. Whenever you’re ready, open your eyes. How was that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was…interesting. I can’t say I’ve ever done anything like that before."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I know it can feel a bit foreign at first, but any time you become overwhelmed, imagine your thoughts as leaves on a stream. Accept that they are there and let them float by."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, we’re out of time for this week."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you, Dr. Bright"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Any time, Frank. Thank you for sharing with me.\nChloe?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m okay. I- what are you doing here?\nOh. Okay. That sounds nice."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How are you, Chloe?\nIt’s fine. We clearly have some things we need to talk about.\nI would like that very much. Sunday?\nNothing new. He should be here soon. I hope."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Thank you, Dr. Bright. I- thank you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No need to thank me, Frank. I’m always happy to listen. I’ll see you next week? Same time?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Yeah, okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wonderful. Good luck at the interview today."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thank you."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 35 Transcript\n35 - Patient #13-A-3 (Chloe)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry, Chloe, I really don’t feel that I can give you artistic advice-\nWhat?\nSam, what are you doing here?\nIs everything alright?\nWhat?\nIn the past?\nHow does he look?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know you’re real."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark. You’re here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know I’m late. I said it'd be a week and it’s been eight days. Trust me, it feels like a lot longer than that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien.\n(group reacts to the punch)"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Everyone, just calm down!\nYeah I- wait, you can-? Oh god, it just got very loud in here-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you two communicating telepathically?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Huh?\nSam, are you okay? What the hell were you thinking?\nSam?\nNo, Sam-\nFucking perfect.\nOh, I know. I know she will. I just would have liked to hug her first. At least once.\nYeah, I think we’ve had enough waiting and- I’m sorry, who are you?\nYeah, I got that. Oh, oh you’re Chloe! Sam’s told me a lot about you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark, I- we need to do something about Damien’s nose- he’s bleeding all over my floor."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh jeez.\nAre you sure? I don’t think he’ll do anything - as long as I don’t stray too far, so-\nReally?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Thank you, Chloe.\nJust come in if he- if he gives you any trouble."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, Joanie-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You are never allowed to do that ever again."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. You know, you don’t really need to forbid me from being kidnapped and experimented on. I’m gonna try to avoid that one my own."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Smart ass. God, look at your hair. This is unacceptable."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, well, they weren’t exactly giving me the salon treatment at The AM. Trust me, it was as much of a surprise to me when I woke up. You know how I hate having long hair-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because it gets in your eyes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Makes it hard to take photos."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can’t believe you’re really here."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m here."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you- are you alright?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Relative to the past few years? Yeah, I’m okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m- Mark, I am so sorry-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joanie, just- we’ll get to all of that, okay? I’m here. We have time. But can you let go of my arms 'cause you’re cutting off circulation."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, sorry. Well, uh, sit down, make yourself at home. Are you thirsty? Hungry? I don’t have any food here but I can order something if you want."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Uh no, that’s okay. We ate on the road. And I’ve been sitting for hours. I wanna look at your office! This is nice, Joanie! Guess The AM pays pretty well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why didn’t you tell me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I couldn’t. The job was completely confidential."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s total bullshit. It’s me. You could have told me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I wanted to keep those parts of my life separate. I didn’t want you becoming curious about it - about other atypicals. I didn’t want you to draw attention to yourself."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You didn’t want The AM to find out about me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I would have done anything to keep you from them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "They got to me anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. Will you ever forgive me?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh Joanie, it’s not about forgiveness. I spent a lot of time being mad at you. I’m over it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really? This is coming from the same Mark who was mad at me for three weeks after I used his colored pencils?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was the whole 64 pack, Joanie, I mean they don’t come cheap!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not mad anymore, I don’t think. I’m- I know there was nothing you could have done. And I don’t like that you worked for those people but I get it, I guess. They’re not all bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to burn that place to the ground but I don’t know I was able to glean a lot of information in two years about what The AM does - the benefit of mind reading occasionally. Not everyone there has bad intentions. And I saw them help a lot of people. That doesn’t mean that I’m okay with the fact that you ever worked for them- wait, what do you mean you’re still working for them?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I can hear your thoughts, Joan. Chloe’s is the next room, remember?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh god."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, this is sort of your worst nightmare isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Can’t say it’s the way I would choose to have a conversation, no."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So: what did you mean?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Tell the truth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah. I see you’ve learned to use Damien’s power."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not- I didn’t mean to-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s alright, Mark. I’m not still working for them - not directly. But after I was fired, they offered me an arrangement. They would release you into my care and I wouldn’t report them. On top of that, we would refer patients to each other - I would give them the basic details of my patients for their registry and they would send patients who completed their programs to me for less rigorous counseling."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But they didn’t release me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. A week later you were trapped in the 1800s. They refused to give you up, saying that it was too dangerous to your health to take you out of their medical care."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fuck, they sure are wily, aren’t they?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes. They are."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Are they going to come after me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not if I have anything to say about it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joanie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t think so. I’m managing it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t tell me you’re back with that Agent Green guy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you know about that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Damien told me. So are you?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. Of course not."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What did you see in him anyway? He seemed like a real dud to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Never mind! Whoa, I did not need to know that. This mind reading thing is a lot less fun when it’s with your sister."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, let’s change the subject and talk about one of the other elephants in the room. What the hell happened with Damien?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I have no clue. Ever since I woke up, I’ve had no access to my ability - I could feel Damien’s power working on me but I couldn’t get to it for myself, you know? And then - well, right after I left you that voicemail actually - we got into this huge fight. All his lies started coming apart and I guess I had a bit of a meltdown and something inside of me snapped and, I don’t know, ricocheted."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It was like my ability all of a sudden broke free and bounced off Damien’s ability and hit him and he just became really complacent? If I’m within range, he just does whatever I want. It’s awful."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And he can’t influence anyone?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It doesn’t seem like it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean “in range”?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thirty feet is about as far as I can go usually. According to the last tests The AM did anyway."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I see."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I guess it wears off after a bit because I went to grab us food and left him in the car and that’s when he smashed his phone. I haven’t left him alone for more than a few minutes since."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why did you bring him here?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I couldn’t just leave him on the side of the road! I think I broke his brain!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But if it wears off, then being separated would be the best for him, wouldn’t you say?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know, I guess I just panicked. It felt like he was my responsibility."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark, did something happen between you two?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It sounds like he was influencing you for weeks - if he made you do something that you didn’t want-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "God, no, Joanie, it wasn’t- Damien seemed more interested in learning about my power than anything else."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I figured that would be the case."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Although, I don’t know how anyone could possibly resist the alluring creature that sits before you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Please. You know you’re still the best-looking Bryant. Even if you could use a few meals and a haircut. Sam certainly seems to think so."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She’s something else, isn’t she?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have to say, I did not see that punch coming."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that was, well okay, I don’t condone violence, of course, but that was kind of awesome."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’ve got that look on your face."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What look?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That little worried rabbit look."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Worried rabbit?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yeah, you get this little scrunched up face when you’re worried about something."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just- I think she’d do anything for me and that scares me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Why?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t want her to get hurt."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you not feel the same?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I do- god, I really do. But my life is, well, it has not been ideal for the past few years, to say the least. And now that I’m out I guess I don’t know what’s gonna happen and I’m worried about dragging someone else into that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s not like Sam’s life has been free from complications until now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s true. I guess I don’t get to make that decision for her. Who’s Caleb?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You told him the same thing - that he couldn’t make that decision for Adam?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodness, confidentiality is really impossible with telepaths, isn’t it?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, sorry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s a patient. Reminds me of you a bit. And if a 17 year old can make an atypical relationship work, I’m sure you can too. You’re almost as mature."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ha-freakity-ha."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If it’s what you want."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I mean, we have a lot to talk about and I need to adjust to being back in the world and everything but yeah, I think it is. Did she tell you about the singing thing?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What singing thing?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When Sam found out how much I missed listening to music, she would go look up new songs by my favorite bands and then memorize them and sing them to me. Because it’s not like she could bring back an iPod or anything but she got how starved I was for entertainment. So we'd sit under a tree in this sheep meadow, and she would sing to me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn’t know that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. I don’t know, it’s just been on my mind the whole time driving back. She tried so hard to keep me sane. Telling me stories about her travels, singing, asking me about my favorite photos. That kind of kindness - that consideration for me - it was- it was like stumbling upon a lake in the middle of the desert, you know?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do actually."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Happy Birthday, by the way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re a day late."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yesterday, I - you said you’d be home yesterday."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, I know. At least I called?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You called. And you’re here now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m here.\nSounds like Sam is back…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right. We should probably check on Damien anyway.\nAgree to disagree."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi.\nJeez, everyone keeps going on about the hair.\nSam - I’m kidding."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A bit."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sorry."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sam, Sam, slow down. The answer to all those questions that are running around your head right now is “yes”.\nYeah.\nYes."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Would you two like to go into the office and continue whatever this is while I deal with Damien?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, thanks, Joanie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How has he been?\nCan you read his thoughts?\nBut you can read Mark’s?\nHm, that’s…interesting.\nPossibly…and it seemed like Damien’s power via Mark worked on you as well - earlier, when he asked all of us to calm down.\nPerhaps. I would have thought you’d have an opinion on that, Damien, but...good lord, I have never heard him be this quiet for this long. It’s putting me on edge. I wish he would just say something.\nWhat?\nYes…but I’m not-\nVery, it would seem. Damien, will you do whatever I say\nLike when you broke your phone.\nBut the rest of the time you just…do what people tell you to?\nChloe…\nI have no idea."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Is everything okay? I heard you freaking out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was not “freaking out”."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In your thoughts you were a little."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I just haven’t faced this particular problem before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How’re you doing, Damien?\nYeah."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think he’ll do whatever anyone tells him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien, go into my office."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh boy. That’s not good."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You didn’t notice?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not like we were stopping to chat with the folks at roadside diners. What do we do?\nI thought so. But what if it’s getting worse? What if the longer we’ve been around each other, the stronger my hold or whatever over him has gotten?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "We need to get you two as far away from each other as possible."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We can’t just let him loose - he can barely do anything for himself. I had to tell him to eat half the time!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Oh, Mark…"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It’s not like I meant to do this!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good idea, Sam. Except I will check in on him - you are not to go near him."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Joan-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s for the best. For both of you. We’ll take Damien back to his apartment and then you’re coming back to mine. I am not letting you out of my sight again."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that’s not gonna get old."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Chloe, I really don’t think-\nOh christ, I forgot it was Sunday.\nCaleb, I’m very sorry about this - I seem to have lost track of time and things have gotten a little hectic. Why don’t you go into my office and I’ll be right in."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hi, I’m Mark."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good lord, Mark, do you have no sense of self preservation? You can’t just go around introducing yourself to people like that."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But this is Caleb, right? The empath?\nThe one who reminds you of me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, but-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I felt it.\nNot exactly."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay, that’s enough. Caleb doesn’t need to know anything more. He’s involved enough as it is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why, because he’s- wait, what does Wadsworth- Wadsworth has a nephew? Wait, he’s dating Wadsworth’s nephew?"
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 36 Transcript\n36 - Patient #11-a-7 (Caleb)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, would you like to sit down?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just- Dr. Bright, what’s going on? I don’t understand. Who’s Wadsworth?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ll do my best to explain, but Caleb- I don’t have to tell you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you want, we can have a normal session and you can carry on with your life. You don’t have to get more tangled up in this."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "“This” being…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My personal failings. The AM. And all that comes with it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But Adam is involved somehow, right? Like, I mean that’s what that guy - your brother - said."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t think Adam has any idea about what Mark was referring to. If I tell you, you would know something he didn’t."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not for long. I’d obviously tell him."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe he wouldn’t want to know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Adam wants to know everything. And it has to do with Sam and Chloe too, right? They’re my friends, I want to know if they’re in danger."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No one is in any danger. Immediate danger that is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright, you’re freaking me out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm sorry, Caleb, that is not my intention."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why don’t you want to tell me? Is it really that bad?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. No, it’s not that. I- Would you like to sit?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, yeah, sure."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb- telling you wouldn’t be- none of what I’m about to say is ethical. This isn’t how a therapist is supposed to behave. I care about you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And I don’t- I don’t want to see you get hurt."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought you said there wasn’t any danger-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Immediate danger. I can’t predict the future. But there are people out there who want to use people like you and Chloe and Sam. People who would hurt you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The AM."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What does this have to do with Adam? Are his parents- I mean, they don’t work for The AM. They just did that one experiment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you and Adam ever wonder how they got involved in the project?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well they work for, like, a secret division of the Department of Defense, and isn’t The AM a secret government agency? Seems like they would go together."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How do you know they work for a secret division of the DOD?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "We may have snooped around their home office last weekend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You failed to mention that at our last session."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, well, I had other things on my mind, remember?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ah, the priorities of a teenager. How is all that going? Better since last week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No embarrassing disasters, if that’s what you mean."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, I wouldn’t categorize it as a disaster. Movies and TV make physical relationships look effortless. It’s not always like that in reality."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I know. Trust me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you still disappointed?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I’m not- it’s not that I was disappointed. I was just- well, I guess I’d built everything up in my head too much. And it’s not like we really…you know, went all that far but it’s just- we weren’t really in sync, you know? All the emotions got to be too much and I feel like I was too stressed out to actually focus on, I don’t know, on being there I guess. Not that it was bad- I mean, we always have a good time together, no matter what we’re doing but-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s what’s important. It’s not going to be perfect. But it will get better."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, can we stop talking about this and get back to the secret government agency stuff?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I want to know."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Adam’s parents had a personal connection to The AM - that’s how they got the contract."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, this Wadsworth person? Adam doesn’t have any relatives named Wadsworth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s a code name. I knew her as Ellie Wadsworth when I worked there but her full name is-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Annabelle."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So Adam’s aunt, what? Works for The AM?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She runs it. Here, anyway. She’s the regional director."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, but you worked for them, didn’t you? And so did Adam’s parents. And you’re all, you know, good, not dangerous people. Annabelle seemed normal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You met her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, pretty briefly. She gave me a ride home last weekend when she picked up Adam."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What was your impression of her?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, fine, I guess. She seemed cool."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m curious, how did her feelings feel to you? You’ve said in the past that Adam’s parents’ feelings are familiar because they have a similar quality to Adam’s. Was it the same with Annabelle?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, I don’t know. I didn’t really notice her feelings."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Did she- did she ask about you at all?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. I mean, she asked us how our day was going and about school and stuff but nothing weird. Do you think she knows that I’m an atypical?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She does. She- she’s asked me about you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wait, you talk to her?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I do. We used to work together and we still have meetings from time to time."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Did you know she was related to Adam?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "No. Not until very recently. Chloe figured it out."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Last week she said Annabelle looked familiar, we just thought it was because she’d seen her in Adam’s thoughts."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She had seen Annabelle in my thoughts as well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay, so you and Adam’s aunt used to work together and you still hang out sometimes. What’s the big deal?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, it’s possible Chloe recognized Annabelle from Frank’s thoughts as well. She was involved in the experiments."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But that makes sense if she’s the one that got Adam’s parents involved. And I know that Frank got all messed up from those but he’s doing better now. I don’t get why everyone is freaking out."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Wadswor- Annabelle was the one who brought my brother to The AM."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wait, wasn’t your brother, like, in captivity for years?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "At The AM."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And Annabelle what- kidnapped him?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "She specifically targeted him. It is my belief that she was surveilling me and found out about Mark’s ability and lured him into The AM. And she’s the one that kept him there for over four years."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Fuck. Fuck. That is so fucked up."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So Adam is related to some kind of evil scientist who kidnaps people and experiments on them for years?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This isn’t a movie, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know that, but how else would you say it?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ellie is a scientist who…goes to extreme lengths for her work."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t need to sugarcoat it for me, Dr. Bright. I can feel what’s going on - you’re scared."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m worried."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Doesn’t feel like just worry."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t want you to draw attention to yourself. The AM knows about you but they don’t need to have any reason to look at you more closely."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why would they even want me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t think they would. You’re a perfectly normal empath by their standards."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So why are you so scared?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ellie is unpredictable. I’ve been wrong about her in the past, so, when she says she doesn’t have any interest in you, I’m not sure whether I should believe her."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do you think she would do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have no idea. I just know that very few people’s lives have improved from an association with that woman."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So what am I supposed to do? I’m not gonna break up with Adam again because he has sketchy relatives. It’s not his fault."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I wasn’t suggesting that at all. If Mark hadn’t said anything, I’m not sure-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "-you would've told me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m your therapist, Caleb. This entire conversation is completely inappropriate."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, but you’re not, like, a normal therapist. And I’m not a normal guy and I don’t have normal problems so we can’t do this normally. I’m glad you told me. Even if you hadn’t, I’m sure Chloe would have."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "She tells me everything - she calls it atypical solidarity."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It doesn’t have to be an “us versus them” dynamic."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But it sort of is, right? I mean, they want to use people like us for experiments and whatever and I get that some people volunteer, but that’s obviously not, like, a requirement for them. And that- that just sucks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It- yes, it does."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Adam is gonna be crushed."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I mean, Annabelle is like the one relative he really gets along with. He doesn’t have a ton of family and I don’t know, I think he looks up to her a lot. What- what are feeling right now? It feels kinda warm? Like pride but not. Sadder than that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Annabelle was someone I used to look up to as well. I guess a part of me still remembers what that feels like."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you think she- do you think she’s, you know, like, actually evil?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, we have already spent far too much of this session talking about my past-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright just. Please."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know that anyone is just evil or just good. She’s a complicated person."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought I said not to sugarcoat it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m not. Caleb, you’re so young-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That doesn’t mean I don’t get moral ambiguity. Oh, don’t look all surprised, you’ve met my boyfriend. He’s always saying shit like that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Fair enough."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And even if Adam wasn’t always going on about how much he loves morally gray characters, I can feel people’s feelings, remember? When someone makes a bad choice I can feel what’s really behind it. Like the guys in school that used to bully Adam. They still pick on kids sometimes but now I know what it’s about. They’re mean but they don’t feel mean. They feel scared. They feel scared and small and I know that adults are always telling us that people are dicks because they feel bad about themselves but it’s a lot easier to believe that when you can feel it yourself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right, Caleb. Fear is a powerful motivator."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Anger too."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Your- your brother, he’s. It’s been building the whole time and now he’s- he’s really amped up. I can feel him in the waiting room, he’s so- I thought it was fear at first and there is that but he’s so angry too. I feel like there’s something under my skin, I wanna- I wanna do something. Hit something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I apologize, Caleb, I didn’t realize. I’ll go talk to him-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, don’t. Just wait. I need to figure this- what’s his deal? Something really weird is happening, it’s like we’re looping, like something’s glitching."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Mark can emulate the powers of other atypicals."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What? So he is an empath?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Right now he is."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Ah fuck, I feel so weird. How do I get out of this? No- don’t open the door! That won’t- I don’t want to get closer."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Okay. Okay, let’s try those mindfulness exercises. Close your eyes, and refocus on your breathing."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. Okay, okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s good. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Good, Caleb. Okay, now pull your ability back from the waiting room. Imagine it like a fishing line. Let the weight on the other end go and then slowly reel it back in. If it feels like you need to latch onto something else, focus on my emotions. Familiar, calm. And when you’re ready, pull the line in even further until it is contained in you. Feel your emotions and let them move freely through you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Dr. Bright. That got a bit, uh- just, thanks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Of course, Caleb. Can you still feel Mark’s emotions?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, not really. He was, uh, calming down with me. And then he just kinda dropped off or something."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Do you mind if I check on him?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that’s fine. I think I’m- I’m good now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s asleep."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really? Wow, I wish I could fall asleep that easily."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He’s had a tiring day."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Is he gonna be okay? With everything that The AM did to him it felt- it felt bad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m sorry you’re sad."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s fine. He’s home. That’s what matters. I’m sorry this session has been so irregular."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What am I gonna tell Adam?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t have to tell him anything."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Of course I do. He’ll be upset but- I mean, he was upset when he found out about his parents but we got through it. He knows I’m here for him no matter what."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s wonderful, Caleb. I’m very glad you two are so supportive of each other."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me too. I, uh- sometimes, lately, I feel like everything is gonna come crashing down."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean by that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know it’s just- the past few weeks have been weird, you know? Like, weirder than normal. Meeting Sam, and hanging out with her and Chloe and then now meeting your brother and seeing Damien again, it’s just, I don’t know, sometimes I forget that there’s a world outside of me and Adam, you know? Especially since things have been so, well, intense with us recently, it’s just been- it's just been kinda nice to live in that little bubble. But I keep meeting all these people like me and it’s cool and I care about them, but- well, Sam and Chloe are my friends but their lives are complicated. And it makes my life complicated and I want to be a part of it because I want to have people in my life who are like me but at the same time I kinda wish I could pretend that whole part of my life doesn’t exist. Does that make sense?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, it does."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "And now Adam’s wrapped up in it- even more than before and it’s just. Other high schoolers don’t have to deal with kinda shit, you know? With mind readers and time travelers and creepy government agencies. And I guess sometimes I don’t know how to deal."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "From where I’m sitting you’re dealing with all of it extremely well."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Dr. Bright. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Neither do I."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "So, what are you gonna do? About Annabelle and your brother and me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You don’t factor into it, Caleb. I don’t want you to be involved. At all."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But Adam-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He shouldn’t be involved either."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But he is! Alright? He is. His favorite aunt held your brother hostage!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And now my brother is safe and we can all go back to our lives."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just like that?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sometimes the only thing to do in life is move forward."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re angry. I- I’ve never felt that from you. Not really. Now you’re surprised."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’ve been angry for a long time now. I assumed you’d felt that before."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I only just noticed it now because it feels like your brother’s- well, not exactly, it’s not exactly the same emotion but it’s like…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "People who are related have similar qualities to their emotions. Like with Adam and his parents."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right, exactly. Or Alice and my parents. And Mark’s anger, it had this edge to it. And yours has that too. Except your anger, it’s like a- like a whirlpool? Or something? Like it’s spiraling down instead of pouring out like Mark’s and it’s- oh, you’re angry at yourself. That’s why it feels different."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s not an emotion you’ve felt before?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, not really. I mean, Adam gets down on himself sometimes - and so do other people - but it’s closer to sadness or disappointment. Like it’s less active, or something. Yours is- why are you so mad at yourself?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have also made a number of decisions based on fear. Those types of decisions are usually not good ones. Okay, Caleb, we should move on. Get to some actual therapy-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Dr. Bright, it’s fine."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t want you bogged down in my emotions. That’s not helpful to anyone."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How is school going? Midterms must be soon, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, yeah. Yeah, they’re coming up but honestly I haven’t even had a chance to think about them with college applications and everything…\n[time passes]"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, Caleb, anything else you want to discuss in these last few minutes?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not really. Just- I know that it’s not really cool with the whole doctor-patient thing, but will you tell me if you find out anything else sketchy that’s gonna affect my life?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "C’mon, Dr. Bright. I’m practically an adult. I need to know these things. I need to be prepared."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Prepared for what?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "For anything. If I do end up going away for college, I need to know what to look out for with The AM. They’re in other cities, right? I don’t want to fall into some kind of trap."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, I don’t think that will happen-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just, promise. Promise that you won’t keep these huge things from me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Caleb, I promise that I will do whatever I have to to keep you safe."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Me and Adam?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If- if The AM knows who I am, they probably know who my family is, right?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Most likely, yes."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Shit."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’m sorry, Caleb."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Don’t be. It’s not your fault. I would be in this exact situation whether or not I knew you. What?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I- that might actually be true for once."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. At least now I know about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Call me anytime if you ever need help, okay? If you ever feel in the slightest bit of danger."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See you next week?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yep.\nWow, he’s still sleeping."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I guess he needed the rest."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Bye, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Goodbye, Caleb.\nHow did it go?\nBut he’s home safe?\nWithout complaint?\nCertainly not. Damien’s ability does take a little time to wear off, so it’s possible that by spending time away from Mark, he’ll get back to normal.\nI don’t know.\nMark is asleep, actually. I think I’m just going to take him home. Figure out the rest tomorrow.\nI will, Sam. I’ll talk to you tomorrow."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 37 Transcript\n37 - Patient #14-A-8 (rose)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Now slowly bring your focus back into the room. And whenever you’re ready, open your eyes. How do you feel?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good. Sort of like I just woke up from a long nap."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did you fall asleep?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I don’t think so. But I was- I guess I got more aware of my ability in a way."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What do you mean by that?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Well, there’s a certain feeling I get when I’m in someone’s dream. It’s different than while I’m just dreaming myself."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "What does it feel like?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t know how to describe it really. It’s like, when I’m having my own dreams, it’s like I’m wrapped in cotton. It’s warm and a little hazy and safe. But traveling to someone else’s dream, there’s a- a sharpness to it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A sharpness?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No- I don’t know if that’s the right word. It’s not- it’s not a bad feeling. It’s more like stepping outside and having cold air hit your face - the change in temperature is noticeable but it’s kind of refreshing."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And you felt that way just now while you were meditating?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not exactly. More like the edges of it. Like maybe I could slip into that kind of sleep."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The kind of sleep where you dreamwalk?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah. And I guess maybe I wouldn’t have been able to do anything because there’s no one sleeping nearby, but I don’t know, it still felt like a possibility."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s wonderful, Rose. Achieving that kind of control after two sessions is very encouraging."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks. Do you think that I’ll get to a place where I can totally control it? Where I won’t just fall asleep randomly?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think it’s very possible. The AM believes that your narcolepsy-like symptoms are caused by your ability, correct?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "That’s right. They ran all the usual tests to diagnose narcolepsy but it was all pretty, I don’t know…"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Inconclusive?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. We did the same kinds of meditation exercises but they looked at my brain while we did it and I guess they were able to tell that tapping into my ability is what makes me fall asleep."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I saw that it your file. That isn’t unusual for dreamwalkers - the ability will get triggered randomly and that’s what causes the sleeping spells. If you gain better control and choose to flex your ability regularly, you hopefully won’t fall asleep as randomly."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, that’s what they said too. But then I have to choose whose dreams to go into and that can be, well, people can’t control what they dream about so sometimes I drop in on someone’s nightmare or something and then the next day I have to decide whether or not I tell them that I know they’re afraid of ducks or whatever. It’s awkward."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I can understand it might be uncomfortable to see someone’s subconscious like that. But some dreamwalkers gain such excellent control that they are able to use their power without entering the dreams of others."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What do they do?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Some look inward, and explore parts of their consciousness that their waking brain can’t access. Others go into what they call a higher plane - something above the consciousness of humans."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Really?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s how they describe it."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Wow."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But let’s leave all that for the time being and focus on minimizing the disruption to your life. That’s the first step."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Right. Okay."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you gone back to work yet?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Not yet. The restaurant has been really good about me taking some time off. But they also don’t want someone working in a kitchen who might fall asleep at any moment."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Yes, I imagine that might be hazardous."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I really hope to go back soon. I mean, I can usually feel when it’s about to happen and get out of the way. And even though I’m living with my parents, I’m still so far away from having even the first semester’s tuition for culinary school. And then there’s these sessions-"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The AM is subsidizing them. That’s one of the benefits of doing their program."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know, but that’s only for six months, right? I have a feeling I’m not gonna be perfectly in control after six months."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re right, I definitely encourage all my patients to do therapy regularly. Mental wellbeing is a lifelong pursuit. But I also know that not everyone can afford the expense. We can work something out when the time comes. But you don’t need to worry about it right now."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You’re right, you’re right. Like my dad is always telling my mom: “don’t go borrowing trouble”. Which she never listens to because, well, she knows when trouble is coming. She can’t help but worry about the future."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Anxiety about the future is a natural human impulse. But it doesn’t serve us to dwell on it too much. Our time’s almost up, but do you have any other pressing concerns that you’d like to talk about?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Um, yes, actually. I’ve been seeing someone for a little while - we’ve gone on a bunch of dates over the past two months, but it’s not really serious. Not yet. And its not that I don’t want to commit, but it’s- it’s hard to really share your life with someone when you can’t stay over or nap with them on the couch, you know? And also, I don’t like lying - I had to tell her I was going traveling for two weeks when I was at The AM and I still feel really weird about it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Have you seen her since finishing the program?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, I have. I like her so much and I’d like to actually make her my girlfriend but I just- even if I’m getting better control and can avoid going into her dreams, I’m still keeping this huge thing from her. So I guess I was just wondering, what do your patients do usually? The AM made everything seem pretty secretive but my family has always been so open about it, at least with each other. My parents always told my brother to not go around flashing it when his ability started, but can I tell people? Is that allowed?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s not a choice anyone can make for you, Rose. Most of the people I know choose to only tell those closest to them - their immediate family, best friends, spouses, partners. It’s true that The AM doesn’t want atypicals to go around broadcasting it-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Yeah, they made that very clear."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "But it’s your decision to make. I would suggest caution. Not everyone reacts well and it is a very personal thing to share. Make sure you trust the person first. But other than that, it’s really up to you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Okay. I don’t think I’ll tell her just yet but, I don’t know, I really feel like we could be something and this isn’t a part of my life I’m willing to hide from a serious girlfriend."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "See? You already know your boundaries - trust your instincts."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanks, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Alright, Rose, we’re out of time.\nCall me if you have any concerns and-\nMark! What are you doing here?\nWe just finished up actually. I’ll see you in two weeks?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Sure thing. Thanks, Dr. Bright."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Bye, Rose.\nWhat?\nYou’d probably need to be asleep.\nYou’re familiar with the ability?\nMark-\nWhat?\nI can’t say that I have.\nI’m okay. Have you done anything this week other than binge watch TV?\nMark, are you okay?\nNo.\nI’m sorry, Mark. I can try talking to them about starting later if you want. I know you haven’t been sleeping all that well-\nAt The AM?\nMark.\nNope. You cannot come in here and self medicate in front of me.\nMark.\nAre you ever going to talk to me about it?\nI’m not your therapist, Mark. I’m your sister. And it’s been over a month since you’ve been back. If you don’t want to talk to me, are you at least talking to Sam about it? Or Chloe? Anyone?\nNo one likes being left out. How are things going with you two?\nYou don’t sound convinced.\nYou need to give yourself a break. You were in captivity for nearly five years. It’s going to be hard to adjust.\nMark, you need to go see a therapist. Someone not me, not Sam, not atypical-related, and talk about this.\nMark-\nDo you- do you trust me?\nOkay.\nI know.\nWhat?\nSeems to be. We haven’t been working together for long.\nSome are referred by other atpyicals, others…\nYes. As you said, they occasionally do good work.\nI have the necessary training for this work. The AM poured a lot of money into training me, making me effective - it makes sense that they’d want to continue to take advantage of that. Their employees are a big investment. Even the people who leave usually end up being consultants like me.\nNo.\nOnly in the sense that she hasn’t reached out.\nShe knows it would drive me crazy- her going completely quiet. This is a classic Wadsworth game. Stop our meetings, stop calling me, stop asking me to come back to The AM, and eventually I’ll go crawling back on my own.\nShe knows that it means I’m spending more time and energy thinking about her than before. If I don’t see her or talk to her, I don’t know what she’s doing. I’m just always waiting for the other shoe to drop.\nWhat?\nControl. I think- looking back on our time working together, I was so caught up in admiring her, in being impressed by her, that I didn’t realize how controlling she was. I thought she was trying to groom me, make me her protege, but the more I think about it the more I think that she was just trying to keep me under her thumb. Keep me from being the competition.\nMm.\nAre you sure you want to know?\nNo, it’s- he’s doing better. I’m just not sure it’s healthy for you to have any kind of contact with him right now.\nAnd I’d like to keep it that way, so you need to get out of here. Go see a movie or something.\nDamien is coming by for a session in ten minutes and you can’t be here for that.\nHonestly, I like him better this way.\nI don’t know, Mark. His ability to make his own choices has gotten much stronger. He- he only does what I say about twenty percent of the time now. But he still can’t impose his own will on others.\nI have my theories.\nDamien’s power is normally an outward one - he pushes his will out to other people. I think when you had your outburst, it got reversed and opened up his brain to incoming signals. Now it’s just about closing his mind back up so that other people’s desires don’t get in. It seems to be working so far.\nIt certainly could be. He could have full use of his power again.\nMark, you don’t- Damien isn’t- do you trust him?\nI know. I’m doing everything I can. I promise.\nWas he nicer to you after?\nIt does. I’ve gotten the same impression. Damien has never been a cheerful person but he seems unhappier than usual, I’ll grant you that.\nIs there a mind reader in the other room I don’t know about?\nAnd you’re wondering the same thing.\nI don’t think Damien’s goal in life is to be happy. I’m not sure he thinks about it very much. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure what his goals in life are.\nHe’ll be here soon, you should get going.\nI’ve been working with Damien for quite some time now - I know how to handle him.\nCaleb.\nWhat was it?\nDamien doesn’t hate you.\nThat sounds good.\nI love you too.\nEnd of session 2 with patient fourteen. I’ll have to cut out the last few minutes there. A productive session, all in all. I’m very pleased with the patient’s progress but I’m still stumped as to how to make the best use of our time together. I’ve never worked with a dreamwalker outside of The AM. There, we would monitor them twenty-four-seven, even while they were sleeping. It seems silly for Rose and I to take a nap during a session but I’m not sure what other way we can flex her ability. I may have to consult with- well, I’m sure Agent Green will have some ideas. And Rose seems fond of him, for some reason.\nTake a seat, Damien.\nNicely done. Was that easy for you to resist?\nHow are you feeling today?\nWould you like to elaborate on that at all?\nDamien, if you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you.\nWe’ve had our disagreements, Damien, but that doesn’t mean I wish you harm.\nYou could feel?\nYou’re no longer…\nHow-\nDamien-\nI was helping you - you’ve been getting better-\nAnd now you-\nI see.\nIt was refreshing to have a different dynamic with you, Damien.\nNo, I don’t. I’ve been doing my best this past month to not influence you too much in these sessions. I think I can say with confidence that I did not abuse my position.\nBoth of which were for your own health and safety. But I never made you talk about things you didn’t want to. Even though you know I have questions.\nDamien, don’t do this.\nWas there any part of you that maybe enjoyed the past month? You’ve lived with this ability for a long time. And I know you’ve been curious about what your life would be like without it.\nAnd you didn’t learn anything from it?\nIt’s not weak to rely on other people for help.\nI didn’t make you come see me.\nMy god, you spend one month without everything going your way and you throw a fit. Welcome to how everyone else lives, Damien.\nI understand that it may have been a difficult adjustment for you, Damien, but don’t come to me looking for sympathy. At least no one spent a year trying to ring out every secret you have-\nIf you think that after you kidnapped my brother, I am still your therapist, I have got news for you-\nWell, you’re better now, so you don’t need my help anymore. Find someone else to torment.\nBecause Mark asked me to!\nKnew what?\nOh my god-\nWhat?\nYou didn’t use your power on Mark?\nDamien, don’t mistake Mark’s unfailing decency as affection for you. Just because he wouldn’t step over your corpse in the street doesn’t mean he cares.\nGet out of my office.\nDamien-\nWhat?\nI have absolutely no idea, Damien.\nI’m not. Your ability is working - I want to tell you the truth. But I barely understand what happened with your and Mark’s abilities in the first place. I can’t tell you how to prevent it from happening again.\nI’m sorry?\nWadsworth.\nYes. She’s smarter than me.\nI’m thrilled for you.\nNo.\nI don’t have it.\nDamien-\nDamien, stay away from Mark."
}
] |
[
{
"from": "system",
"value": "Episode 38 Transcript\n38 - Telephone 2"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "(through the phone) What do you want, Owen?\nSometimes it’s more productive to face your enemy instead of running from them.\nYou are not getting Mark back.\nReally? I’m supposed to believe that?\nWhich is suspicious behavior in of itself.\nOnly if you dial down the kidnapping.\nDo you have any idea what you did to him, Owen?\nEnough. You knew he was there. Being a bystander does not make you exempt from culpability. He was in your care for years and now he doesn’t sleep and he never fully smiles and he won’t tell me what you did, so unless you can give me some concrete information that will help me help my brother, this conversation is over-\nWhat?\nI suspected something like that might happen.\nNo, of course not. He wanted to know who could help him gain more control, and I told him.\nIt would seem. Though not as much control as he would like, hence his pursuit of Ellie.\nI don’t even know her home address, Owen.\nDo you? I didn’t think so. Ellie isn’t exactly one for guests.\nEven if I had at one point, I certainly wouldn’t remember it now.\nI have no idea and I couldn’t care less.\nSomeone’s just walked in, Agent Green.\nGoodbye.\n(through the phone) Hi Caleb, how are you?\nWhat do you mean? Are you alright?\nWe?\nHow do you know that? Has he contacted you?\nWhat did Adam tell him?\nThat’s good.\nWell, not the haziness, of course, but if Damien wanted him to forget the encounter, hopefully that means he has no plans to repeat it. I take it Adam hasn’t told his aunt about any of this?\nWhy hasn’t he told her?\nWhat are your plans for the weekend?\nHow much do your parents know about this?\nThat’s good. But Caleb, I’m not sure your house is the best idea. If Wadsworth and Damien are about to enter some sort of battle of the wills, it might be best for all of us to lay low for a few days.\nYour family has a lake house, correct?\nNothing quite so dramatic but- what? How do you know?\nIt’s Chloe, she says she might have an idea.\nSomething she’s heard in Sam’s thoughts, apparently."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(through the phone) I- what?\nI, um-\nWell, uh, what can I say, I’m exceptional.\nIt’s Damien.\nOh, I don’t know, Agent Wadsworth - I think grunge would be a good look on you. More adventurous than those boring suits you wear.\nI know you might feel safe talking to me like that through the phone but I wouldn’t get too comfortable.\nI'm sorry, was I supposed to fall for that? I’m never coming to that hell-hole you call a facility ever again.\nBeing in public won’t stop me from using my ability.\nYou are awfully arrogant, Director Wadsworth.\nActually I do.\nAren’t you going to switch it off?\nIt’s Damien.\nWhy can’t I- are you an atypical?\nThen how- why can’t I get into your head? Why aren’t you listening to me?\nSo you…\nYou’re not gonna help me, are you?\nHow does it work? You resisting my power? I don't know, did you- did you train yourself?\nHow is that possible?\nYou experimented on yourself?\nYeah, I think the arrogant label still fits.\nDo it to me.\nWhatever you did to yourself, do it to me. You’re immune to me, right? Are you immune to all atypicals?\nYou don’t know what you’re talking about.\nBut it doesn’t have to be like that. You could make me stronger than him, couldn’t you?\nIt’s over when I say it's over.\nWhy meet me at all?\nYou care about Dr. B., right? You were friends once?\nMake me immune.\nOr I can’t guarantee Dr. B.’s safety.\nI do not have a soft spot. She’s done nothing for me.\nWhat about Adam?\nIt would really be a shame if anything happened to him, wouldn’t it?\nOh, looks like I hit a nerve.\nI’m not so toothless anymore, am I? You should have shown me the respect I deserve from the very beginning. Goodbye, Agent Wadsworth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "(over the phone) Hello Ellie - unlike you to break a freeze-out.\nHe’s safe. I won’t let anything happen to him.\nI don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but you have an unstable and dangerous individual after you. I don’t think Adam is safest with you.\nWhat does that mean?\nAnd say what?\nThey came to me, Wadsworth. Because they trust me and they felt unsafe.\nWell, then, I guess I’m not a very good therapist. I know it’s against your code of conduct to put the patient’s wellbeing first-\nJust give Damien what he wants- tell him you’ll work with him and then do your goddamn job.\nWhat do you mean?\nWhat have you done, Ellie?\nYou didn’t…\nAnd it works? It really works?\nThen how on earth did Damien find out about it? You were showing off, weren’t you?\nOh, Ellie, your arrogance is going to be the death of you someday. Or of someone you love.\nIt really wasn’t.\nHello?"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "(over the phone) That wasn’t very good intel, Dr. B."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You didn’t tell me my power wouldn’t work on her."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I didn’t know."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I don’t believe you."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That’s your prerogative."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Do you have any idea how humiliating it was for me?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I honestly don’t care, Damien. I care that you’ve apparently been interrogating teenagers."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Teenagers who seem like a bit of a soft spot for both you and Wadsworth."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien, what would you have to possibly gain from-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Leverage, Dr. B. If my usual methods don’t work on Wadsworth, something else will."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t do this, Damien. It will end badly for you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I doubt that."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They are already under protection - you can’t get to them."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How about Mark? Is he under anyone’s protection? In fact, the whole ragtag group - you know, I’m getting a little sick of this exclusive atypical club that you’ve got going on."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Don’t lash out because you’re jealous, Damien. It’s not a good look on you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’m not jealous. I’m annoyed. People keep changing the rules of this game and I’m tired of it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This isn’t a game, Damien. No one is trying to beat you."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh yeah? Wadsworth sure seems like a gal who’s used to winning. That’s not good for a person - it can go to their head."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re one to talk."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When will you get it through your little brain, Dr. B.? I’m not people."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If you’re so much better than us, Damien, then leave us alone."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "No, I’m not gonna do that. Not when I know Wadsworth has a shiny new toy I could play with."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You’re not going to get to her. Believe me."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "But I can get to you. That’d be a start. And I know you wouldn’t want your brother to get hurt again."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "And neither would you, Damien. You won’t go anywhere near him. Not after what happened. Not now that he’s got his power back."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Maybe not yet. But that girl of his always seems to be right on the edge of a complete breakdown, now doesn’t she? People like her…well, I’m sure she’s thought about offing herself before. She might just need a little push."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Damien, you wouldn’t-"
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Oh, I wouldn’t? You’ve made the mistake of underestimating me before, haven’t you, Dr. B.? I think it would be wise for everyone to stop making that particular mistake."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Just leave all of us alone, Damien. We can’t give you what you want. We’re not trying to control you or take anything away from you. Just move on with your life."
},
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Goodbye, Dr. B.\n[music & credits]"
}
] |
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