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Please help, I'm so alone
|
I am so alone. Not just lonely, completely alone. There's not one person I can turn to for help. I don't know what I did to deserve this suffering. I don't understand what makes me so repulsive that not one single person wants to be in my life, despite trying my absolute hardest. I don't understand what I can do to have a normal life and nobody will help.
Everyone says I just have to wait and be patient and "people will come", but they haven't, and life doesn't wait for anybody. All this time keeps ticking and going down the drain and I've missed out on so much. I am 25 now and still haven't even learned how to be a teenager or had any teenage friends or teenage life experiences yet, but now I'm too old to even have those experiences and have completely missed out on everything.
I can't even get therapy because they said I have to have at least 1 hour a week of social interaction for 6 months before they will even consider a rereferral, which is a completely impossible goal. I spend like 12-16 hours a day, begging and begging for people to be in my life, even offering them money, but literally not one person will hang out with me, even once. They all assume somebody else will but nobody does. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost and there's not one person I can ask for help. No family members, no friends, no idea how to get them in the first place. You've got to have people to get people and I'm just stuck in this cycle of isolation. Speaking to people on the internet is like speaking to bots who all copy and paste the same useless things, "put yourself out there" "join a group" etc etc, I've already done it for years and years and years and and none of it has worked. I don't know what to do.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
What to expect when you share your mental health with your family?
|
I recently shared some parts of my mental health with my family. So my question is this: what should I expect them to behave after sharing this with them? My experience telling them wasn't pleasant and I don't know if I'm at fault for sharing or if I'm at fault for expecting a certain behavior.
​
**Here's what happened:**
I am 24, female. I've had depression, anxiety, dissociation and derealisation for over 2 years now, probably had it before but it was only confirmed by a therapist two years ago because that's when I went to see what's wrong with me.
​
Nobody knows about this side of me but my ex girlfriend. So recently I told my mom I have anxiety. My family keeps showing at my house randomly to visit and stay for hours and that would cause panic attacks each time because I wan't expecting their visit or planned for it. So one day I burst and told my mom why I'm always upset when they show up like that. (all I expect is a call before hand to prepare myself mentally).
​
I've told them about my dissociation and derealisation because they have been nagging for months wanting me to buy a car and drive instead of commuting and refusing to move to a house that's far from work. (my mom lives with me so me driving is important to take her places) I kept telling them I'm not ready and I just need more practice. (I took so many lessons and wasted over 1500$ learning with no result to the extent I was kicked out of the driving lesson by my instructor because he thought my driving was dangerous) So one day they said I'm a coward and that I should just go and drive and not let my fear control me. So I shared the reason why I can't drive. They first said there's no such thing as what I mentioned and that I shouldn't diagnose myself with no knowledge. I told them I went to 3 therapist and they all confirmed this. After a moment of silence they said I shouldn't let this stop me from driving. I said no It should stop me because it's a danger to my self and the people around me. My sister said ok seek help. I said it could take years to heal some never do beside I can't afford to see therapists at the moment. she sent me a link with affordable therapist to contact.
After going home my mom spoke to me about what she heard. She asked why I never shared this with anyone before. I said because you're my family and I rather not let you worry about me. She then asked about it and I told hear some symptoms not to scare her so much. (she's a doctor so I picked my words wisely) she then said that I shouldn't have shared this. I asked why? she said your brother in law heard. I said so what? are you ashamed of me now that I saw therapist once. That my mental health is not golden? That in your society I'm considered crazy now? I never got an answer...
It's been couple of days now and nothing happened. Nobody talked to me about it. Nobody asked about it. nobody read about it to know what the hell I experience. it's nothing. Like I never shared anything like they just don't want to think about it or even acknowledge it.
​
Is it my fault for sharing? is it my fault for expecting at least some interest in knowing what I have? they are my family after all and I feel that's the least I should expect. Is it because what I shared aren't considered as important as depression? (I can never share that with them)
​
Please share your thoughts and experiences or advices for how to handle this.
Sorry for the long read but I never share anything with anyone and this is a first for me.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Goal in life: not to feel suicidal
|
I'm a pretty solitary person. I rarely talk to anyone on or off this internet. I think I'm happy with this. I've tried the normal life for a couple years and have reverted back to my introverted, solitary ways regardless. I've rarely felt happy or enjoy many things. Most of the time I'm fairly blah. I'm perfectly fine with this and I usually am pretty bored unless I'm working on class work (university engineering student so I am not bored often lol). I find most things boring, even video games most of the time (which I'm sad about bc I loved games growing up).
​
All of this, I'm fine with but one thing. That's feeling like I don't want to live anymore. It happens occasionally when I'm stressed out or extremely frustrated. It's pretty much always bc of all of the schoolwork I have to do or an upcoming exam. My life is completely consumed by schoolwork which would be fine if I were comfortable in it, but I'm constantly behind or don't understand stuff. So that just frustrates me more. The last time I wanted to die was about an hour ago. I was frustrated at having spent my 13th hour (non consecutive) on a homework assignment. I wasted two hours of my life sulking and looking up various ways to kill myself. (Finally found one that doesn't make me scared. It's the one where you put a bag over your head but pass out from innocuous gasses like helium).
​
So what are some ways you've found to counteract these random depressions. (I'm a very pessimistic person so when people say enjoy the flowers or life is so awesome, I think that's really dumb in my opinion. That logic doesn't work for me)
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Help with budding relationship
|
Hey all - I am sorry if this isn't what this forum is for. I have depression, but I'm doing OK with it for the moment. My issue at the moment is that a guy I was dating also has depression, and after weeks of basically an excellent budding relationship, he ended it saying his anxiety was too much and didn't want to go further as his mindset wasn't in the right place.
Honest, but devastating. It's now been a few months, and we have kept in contact, but the communication isn't anything like it was, and although I want to ask him if he is ready to reconnect, I don't want to push him away.
​
BUT I also know that with depression, you push people away in an effort to protect yourself, or because you feel like an impostor; You don't deserve the love/attention/etc
SO. What do I do? If I was giving advice to a friend, I'd say just ask him and say 'If you really aren't interested anymore, I get it, but I want to know if there is a chance of reconnecting and seeing what potential is here' etc - BUT I know that might be triggering or whatnot.
​
Sigh :(
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Why can't my friends and family see that I'm not fine?
|
So this is hard for me, I really don't know where to start. I've never felt fine, in my 31 years I can't remember actually feeling happy. Sure I smile and pretend I'm ok to everyone I know. I get myself to work each day too, but only because it's a routine.
Pretty much twelve months ago something happened that triggered me to be bad enough that I couldn't sleep and I was having panic attacks about nothing. So I finally saw a doctor and she diagnosed me with anxiety, depression and stress... And referred me to see a psychologist but I've had bad experiences with councilors when I was really bad at uni. So I got anxious about it and never went. I didn't want to be judged for what happened either.
I've tried to reach out to my partner, but she has anxiety too. If I lean on her too much she drops her bundle. She tells me she's happy and relentlessly reminds me that she wants to get married and have kids because we're getting older. I've told her that I'm not having kids until I feel better, then I smile once and some how in her mind that makes me better. Otherwise we work really well together, except I never really feel like I feel in love with her. 7 years on I'm still waiting for that spark.
My family is fine, nothing bad ever really happened and we all talk, but it feels like they wouldn't notice if I wasn't around. They are so self obsessed, they call me to whine about the mundane things in there lives but never really ask how I am or if they do don't listen to what I have to say.
I hate my job, sure most people do, but I find it so sole destroying. Feeling so shitty, I find it impossible to apply for others. I feel so trapped.
I don't really have any friends I feel I can trust. At any rate I never let them see the depressed me, just my well practiced smiling facade.
Ultimately I feel so incredibly lonely and isolated. Ive thought about leaving everything behind and taking a trip. Riding to Alaska and back again type thing. I've thought about breaking up, but I only feel like I would be more alone.
I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either trapped in this terrible no man's land I've created for myself. Reddit can you help me figure my shit out.
Tldr, i feel trapped in my situation in life and need help getting help XD
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Effects of anti depressants
|
So I just started anti depressants this last week and I wanted some input from people that are also on them.
I don't know if I feel 'okay' or if I'm numbing down. And I don't know if that numbing is a part of the medication, or if I should ask for it to change? I don't get excited, but I don't get severely depressed anymore, and my anxiety is just a series of belly aches now. Do I have to trade betting emotionally free for stability? Or are there other options?
Medication is lamotrigine, 25mg. 1dose every day at the moment, soon apparently to be upped to 50mg a day.
Tldr: numb from meds normal? Or should I try something else
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Seeing the doc tomorrow about starting medication!
|
Hey guys, so this post is me mainly looking for some words of encouragement. I’ve rescheduled this appointment like 3 times because I’ve been so nervous about it, but tomorrow is the day I just suck it up and go in to talk to a doctor about the option of starting depression meds.
I’m excited to take this step for myself, but I guess I’m just nervous about talking to someone outside of my therapist about my depression. I’m worried I’ll be judged or they won’t believe me. I’d like to believe the inherent good in everyone but this just makes me feel really vulnerable. I’d really appreciate any support or encouragement!
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Who should I talk to
|
I'm not gonna lie, these last two years have been my worst. I don't want to talk to my parents about it because I don't want them to worry. Ive tried to hide it from my friends by making jokes about my insecurities and my low self esteem. I want to talk to them about it but they might not take it seriously because I've joked so much about it. I just want someone to vent all my frustration to and someone who can be there to talk to me when I need them but I'm to scared to say anything about it because I don't want people to feel bad or worry about me.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Trying to help my gf who hides a lot of feelings from me
|
Hello everyone! These past few days have been really tough for me because my gf hides a lot of her feelings from me, and it’s getting worse. I tried to provide a safe environment to talk about them many times but after she does tell them, she feels a little happy, but the anxiety is a lot worse. This was caused because of her ex in the past, and we’ve been working together to help for over 6 months. She’s definitely been getting better, but I can’t help with this because she just lies, and when I try to tell her, she shuts me down worrying it will hurt me. And I just don’t know what to do. She refuses therapy because of past situations, and I don’t know how to approach this. Any help and experiences are greatly appreciated. I just don’t want this to start affecting my levels of anxiety when she hides things from me...
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Tonight was rough
|
Idk if i should put a trigger warning on this, and tbh I'm not really sure how too. So uh....
!TRIGGER WARNING!
If you struggles with eating disorders and suicidal ideation, uhm, this might be hard to read. Uhm. Idk if that's good or not. If not I'm sorry. Truth be told if i don't get this off my chest now im afraid of what I'll do
I cried so hard i threw up tonight. TBH it felt good. In a scary way. Due to depression and mental and emotional abuse, a few years ago I was severely malnourished. My hair was falling out. I had growths on the back of my tongue. My nails flaked a part. I stopped eating almost completely.
I'm now clinically obese. Not excessively so, but jumping from 130 to 230 in 3 months was a fucking wild ride. I dont want to go back to that place. Im gonna talk to my therapist about it in a few days, but I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm scared. Im scared of what I'll do to feel better, to hate myself less.
I'm also afraid of what I'll do if i don't stop hating myself.
I'm caught up in this cycle of oh itll get better, then it doesnt. And i spiral again.
Please don't come back with comments like, "get a gym member ship" etc. I tried. It didnt work because I don't have the energy all the time, and then I beat myself up even more for not going. Im ending that cycle of self abuse before it can continue.
I just dont know what to do anymore.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Had my 1st doctor appointment to address my anxiety/depression, it was......weird. Need some feedback, please.
|
So I had my first Dr's appointment to address my increasing anxiety and depression yesterday, and found some things a bit...odd. I'd like some feedback on a few things (just need to know whether some of the stuff I'm about to post is common, or not)
​
1.) A lot of the stuff was "up to me" and I was given questions I had no idea how to prepare for or answer. I went into this with a "I have no idea what the hell is going on in my head, but it's bad, and I need to address it" mentality. I have no idea why I'm depressed or anxious so much, only that I did NOT used to be like this.
*- "Do you think your Anxiety is caused by your Depression, or your Depression is caused by your Anxiety?"*
*The answer? I honestly have no idea, I'm coming in with my own mind being a total mystery to me. I didn't know it had to be either one of these.*
*- I was asked what "kind" of medication I think I should be on (given a choice between Wellbutrin or another unnamed medication that attacks both Anxiety and Depression together)*
*- I had no idea how to answer this either, I don't know. When I made this decision I was only 30 minutes into discussing this with a medical professional for the first time in my life, I have absolutely no clue.*
​
2.) After this short 45-minute single appointment with a Psychiatrist, I walked out with prescriptions for Wellbutrin XL and Vistaril. I haven't taken either yet, because I'm not sure that's right for me. I just feel like 45-minutes wasn't even close to enough time for me to "explain me" and give enough information that a Doctor could make a decision on the right medication for me. And I **know** that antidepressants and medications of this sort are a total crapshoot, but even given that, I don't feel confident that I'd even be taking a **good** crapshoot from a single 45-minute appointment with a brand new doctor.
*- Is that notion true? Are antidepressants and medications like this still a total crapshoot? Can't doctors to prior testing to figure out how a particular medication will affect an individual? It just feels odd...coming from a world I'd previous known (getting diagnosed and treated for migranes) where everything was "testing testing testing! MRI and Cat Scans and Blood tests and this and that!!!" before being able to figure out something that works for migraines. But now with my mental health it's just "idk, we'll throw this against the wall and see if it sticks." Makes me incredibly uncomfortable.*
​
3.) When taking my first steps to address my issues a few weeks ago (and making this appointment with a psychiatrist), I had **absolutely no idea** what kind of doctor I'm supposed to see, what is recommended, or who even "diagnoses you" with depression or anxiety. I don't want to self-diagnose, it just doesn't feel right. (After this appointment I still didn't feel like I was "formally diagnosed", just given medication).
*So I chose this Psychiatrists office because they had decent reviews of any I could find. I made an appointment before I understood that the "Psychiatrist" is the one that mainly focuses on drugs and medication, NOT therapy.*
*- Does "formal diagnosis" happen? What kind of doctor does that? Or is that a totally false preconceived notion I have.*
*- What kind of doctor is it most common to see first? A psychologist, CBT, psychiatrist, therapist? I just don't know all the terminology.*
​
The path I've currently chosen: I've not taken my medication (not started), cancelled appointments with this psychiatrist, and gotten an appointment for CBT with a therapist first, which feels like a "safer" path for me. As much as I want to address my issues NOW (I'm impatient), going straight to medication just didnt feel right...
​
I could go on a rant about just how difficult it has been for someone with no prior experience trying to deal with this new situation in American Healthcare, but I won't. I don't know how we're even supposed to know where to start, who to go to, etc etc...
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
What is even the point.
|
I feel like my depression will never get any better. I can't get out of bed, yet I feel guilty for not working. I've barely eaten - the idea of food makes me feel ill - but I feel bad for not eating. I'm failing my exams and have no long-term goals, because even as an "adult" at 19 I don't know what I want to do with my life. I've spent most of the last couple of days staring at the ceiling feeling terrible in every way.
I don't enjoy anything anymore. And my parents don't think that my disorder/disability ([Tourette's syndrome](https://tourette.org/about-tourette/overview/what-is-tourette/#1461071540054-f0944fbc-3f2b)) exists, so I get told off regularly for something I physically cannot control.
Thoughts of wanting to self-harm have come back after a few months of not harming, and I just feel like I want to die. Just this morning I was looking through the medications we have at home to see what sort of thing could kill me with an overdose. The flair is "requesting support", but I only put that because it needs a flair. Just ignore this, it doesn't matter.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
Cant get motivated to do anything, even shower
|
I'm going through my first very difficult breakup after 12 years of marriage to a man who is my best friend and who knows me (and I him) better than anyone, he's been my other half for so long, and he was my first relationship ever.
I am living with my parents while I try to basically start my life over, on my own, and my depression has almost completely engulfed me.
There are a lot of days where I can hardly motivate myself to get dressed, let alone shower or other basic tasks. I try to go outside and at least take a walk but even motivating myself into doing that is like pulling teeth.
I've been thinking of making a couple lists for me to check off each morning so I can at least get a routine down. I need to find a job and start being productive so I start feeling better about myself and my situation.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Losing all hope
|
I've always struggled with depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse, and body image issues. I've not had an easy go but always tried hard to better myself and get well. I got sober 1.5 years ago, am in therapy, regularly practice yoga and meditation, take antidepressants, get plenty of sleep, eat well, the whole fucking thing. I have a wonderful supportive husband whom I love, and with whom I had looked forward to building a life and having a family.
And yet my depression still remains. In the last year, I have studied philosophy and spirituality and religion and cosmology and neuroscience and evolution and the more I learn the more I am convinced: there is no benevolent god, the universe is random and absurd, and life is essentially meaningless. There may have been a creator entity, but its far removed from humanity. I recently watched True Detective and the main character says, *"I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, this accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody."* I agree with this statement entirely and had never heard anyone say it so succinctly.
I have felt an urge to try and find some meaning in the world and in my life, that maybe I could climb out of the hole of depression someday, in many ways because of my husband. Until now. My husband is leaving me. He just started his dream job a few months ago, and he's suddenly decided he wants that more than me. That he wants to throw his whole life into work, and doesn't want to be married, or have a family, anymore. (Note: He is not leaving because I am depressed - he is leaving because he doesn't think he can be a good husband for me while he does this job, and this job is more important to him than I am.)
This pain...its just not bearable. It cuts to the heart in a way that is not describable. I fall to my knees sobbing and begging the universe to give me a sign, ANY sign, that I should keep going, that there is something worth living for, that there is some meaning in this, that the pain will be worth it in the end. But there is no sign coming.
And I look at the world and the enormity of suffering in other places, where children are slaughtered in wars, where women are beaten and raped, where people shoot up schools and kill kindergartners...I look at the people who COULD NOT get sober, at the people who COULD NOT get well, or the people who never had a chance to, because their life was randomly taken from them in a car crash or from cancer or some other bullshit reason.
And then I think about the evolution of humankind. I think of all of the millions of creatures that evolved from reptiles to mammals to apes to hominids. At what point did homo sapiens become conscious beings? At one point did we discover sense of "self"? At what point did "meaning" begin to matter to us? For all of the many millions of beings that lived before that moment - they had no meaning or purpose. And they represent the VAST majority of the history of animals, of life. And that life? Only represents a tiny fraction of the history of this universe.
**There. Is. No. Meaning.** There is no way to reconcile how some people have the chances and opportunities to grow and to get stronger, while others do not. There is no way to reconcile the fact that our suffering is a blip in comparison to the enormity of the universe and spacetime.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Trying to initiate self care
|
22f here, new to this subreddit. Due to depression and lack of budget for healthier foods (i work part time for 7.75 an hour) I've gained more weight than I'm comfortable with. I would like to balance out my poor eating habits (since I'm living off of the cheapest things i can afford- ramen, chef boyardee, you get the picture) with more physical fitness. I have a few medical problems that prevent me from being as active as I'd like. A few years ago i had an accident and broke my spine so i have hardware implanted and a bum hip. Even taking a six hour shift at work leaves me all but unable to walk the next day. I've started taking walks, and since i live in a rough part of an inner city its difficult to be by myself and not have someone harrass me or follow me. I can't afford a gym membership so i was wondering if anyone had tips or suggestions on how i can do more from my home. If it matters I'd like to focus on my stomach and love handles, its just hard because of my back and hip problems to do a bunch of situps and pushups and leg lifts. Does anyone know how to do these to reduce my pain so i can keep going longer for better results? My body image issues are really starting to affect me, and they havent before... I will be crossposting as well in a health advice subreddit. Any suggestions and tips are welcome. TIA!
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
i can’t stop hurting myself
|
i’ve struggled with depression my entire life i’ve tried therapy and everything and i thought why not give travelling a go to try and help it or at least take my mind away from bad thoughts. the first two weeks were great as i was constantly occupied but here i am now currently in Nepal i’ve been in my hostel almost everyday depressed and on the verge of crying for no reason. i picked up a cheap combat type knife from a trekking shop the other day and since then i haven’t been able to stop cutting myself to relieve the stress as i have no other form of medication or therapy here, i am extremely unsociable and i can’t talk to people it’s just a personal trait so i can’t attempt to make new friends as it makes my anxiety go through the roof. my flight home isn’t for another 2 weeks and i’m just watching the days go by. I even spent an extra £260 just to book my plane ticket earlier than before (it was previously on the 23rd of april now it’s the 10th) i’m just dreading these next 2 weeks i just don’t know what to do with myself i keep breaking down, i’m a mess of a person
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
How do I gauge the success of my antidepressant without knowing what the “best case scenario” actually feels like?
|
At this moment in time, I am on 60mg prozac a day. I just can’t seem to stop wondering about how to know when I have found the correct prescription. It has been a few months of increasing the dose and I’d like to believe it has been helping me, but I can’t tell if it’s all in my head or if it is just coincidence I have been having one or two good days a week instead of none.
prozac is the only antidepressant I have been prescribed over the years, and while I am hesitant to try something unfamiliar, the idea that there might be a more effective medication crosses my mind frequently.
I struggle greatly with low energy levels/ motivation/ fatigue and it would suck to know that all of this time I could have been pursuing a prescription that was a better fit. I feel like I have been making decisions blindly simply because I don’t have the experience of another antidepressant to compare the effectiveness.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I need help
|
I don’t know how much longer I can actually take living in this cruel world. I’m constantly made fun of because I am ugly. All of my few friends have abandoned me for no reason. The only friend I had told me that I would never get a girlfriend. The fact of him telling me I wasn’t going to get a girlfriend didn’t bother me that much but that he was saying it in a serious voice and not a joking way.
My dad just exploits me for money even though he makes over 100k a year. Every time I talk to him he just reminds me that I owe him for the car that he bought me for $1500 so I could get to work. I’m only 17 btw.
I just don’t know what to do. I’ve quit going to lunch at school because I don’t have anybody to sit with. I’ve somewhat stopped talking to my dad. I’m just in a really bad place.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Help Please - Parents Sent Brother to Pacific Quest
|
Hi all,
My brother (whose currently 10th grade) has been struggling with depression and anxiety for a while, but my parents/I found out about it last year when he consumed an excess of benadryl in hopes to finally be able to get good sleep. From that time, he's started failing classes and has begun heavy marijuana/alcohol use (even being hospitalized for the latter once). For what it's worth, he routinely started talking about how his anxiety started getting better because he didn't care about school anymore and because he started smoking.
My parents are doing all that they can and know how to do to help him out. I just got back from college on spring break, and they broke the news to me about why my brother wasn't here when I got back—he had just flown out to Pacific Quest (PQ) this morning.
(For more info: Pacific Quest website is [https://pacificquest.org/](https://pacificquest.org/)
What one subreddit has to say about PQ: [https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/4rgsa7/pacific\_quest\_experience\_from\_a\_survivor/](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/4rgsa7/pacific_quest_experience_from_a_survivor/) )
My parents have been consulting multiple doctors/psychiatrists/school admin/idk who else, and they apparently heard about PQ as a highly recommended program. My mom showed me a video, and it seemed suspiciously sugarcoated/idealistic, so I went on a reddit search to find out more.
God damn.
I thought it was just one post bashing PQ, but it seems that there's nearly nothing positive to say about it, other than the fact that it, relative to other similar programs, has a better quality of life (and that seems like it's not saying a lot at all).
What do I do in terms of my parents, brother, and PQ? I really am terrified for my brother's well being—from reading, it seems that PQ is nothing but regressive for health. Should he stay? Come home asap? Is coming home soon feasible?
More in general as well: what can I do to help my brother out?
Thank you. I genuinely am terrified for him.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Too many losses..so much pain
|
So many losses...I'm tired. Hurting. And feel alone.
The past 7-8 months have been hard. I've experienced a lot of losses and they keep coming.
First..I ended a long term relationship in September. We lived in another state; I left and returned to our home state. I left him, our home and my job. Eventually..I lost my car and cat.
All of that was hard. My ego hurt because he reconnected with a former ex shortly after I departed (within weeks) and they are still together. He still attempts to contact me and in moments of loneliness and weakness I have seen him, despite knowing about his relationship.
When I returned to my home state I moved in with my sister. She just informed me that her lease is not being renewed and I have to move in two months. My anxiety is thru the roof as I don't know if I'll be able to get the money to move with such short notice. I am working, but its a seasonal position that ends in June. I am looking for permanent work.
Lastly, a close friend died over the weekend. She had cancer; was diagnosed in December. She had been a big support to me over the years. We talked daily when I lived out of state and every day since I returned. When she received her cancer diagnosis, I was a big help to her.
I feel hurt, lonely and alone. My circle of friends has always been small and it continues to get smaller.
Right now I feel like I don't have anyone.
I'd like to see a therapist, but most don't accept my insurance. Besides that will also expire in May.
I also feel hopeless.
I'm in my 50s so starting all over again feels daunting.
I'd appreciate any words of encouragement.
Thanks
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I need Therapy but cannot afford it
|
Right now I work at my family's business and I get paid 200-275$ a week for full-times work. I am working on leaving. I am nervous for a few reasons, one being my parents say they cannot afford to pay me more, which means they might not be able to afford someone else, but I cant keep going at this rate. I have only just started getting paid reguarly in October 2018 and I have been working for them since June 2017.
I need therapy. I have been depressed since I left college (I have a bachelor's) and while I am not in danger of hurting myself, most mornings I dont even wanna wake up or just fade away. I feel numb and going through the motions. My family is Christian and all my life, they have had more faith in prayer, but I need real help. I want to sign up for Betterhelp in the future.
Does anyone trust BetterHelp?
Also while I am set and preparing on leaving, what should I do to calm my guilt. While they seem sincere now, I have seen them get very nasty. When I got my first job, my dad said I would be miserable and my mom freaks out at the idea of me saving money. I'm getting tired of this.
My dad's a narcissist and my mom is co-dependent and my family isnt healthy.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I’m afraid of starting antidepressants.
|
My depression has gotten much worse in the past couple of months. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while now, but more recently I asked my psychiatrist starting an antidepressant. We both agreed it would give me the best chance of seeing any improvement that I have at this point. Here’s the thing though, I’m really nervous about taking them. I’m worried It’ll change me in some negative way, or significantly change my personality. So I’d really like to hear from others about their experiences on medication, hopefully to get some reassurance and help me feel a bit more comfortable about starting something that could possibly help me a lot.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I wish I could find better people in my life
|
Roughly 96% of people that I’ve met and have been in my life have turned out to be really crappy people. I’m tired of all the verbal abuse. I’ve always been someone who gives so much to others and I lose myself in the process.
I just wish I had a support group. I know the person I usually confide in is probably getting tired of hearing how depressed and anxious I am all the time. I’ve felt like this since I was little and I just want it to stop.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
My friend says she's depressed but doesn't "seem" so and it triggers me
|
Hello, I've struggled with depression (diagnosed) until last year, so I'm pretty familiar with the topic and mental health in general, which is why I suggested my friend, who was having some problems at school and some angry issues, to talk about it with our school counselor. She went there twice and she's now convinced that she has depression, I didn't say anything because I don't want to invalidate her feeling but honestly I don't think so (but again, i'm not the one who should say it). First of all, she told me the counselor didn't mention it, but made her understand it in a subtle way. Also, she doesn't exhibit any signs of depression, she doesn't have a lack of interest in doing things, or a change in appetite. I feel very bad writing this, I know every depression is different, but she has no problems going through the day, and it's always the one to ask to hang out for example, while I couldn't (and sometimes still can't) get out of bed in the morning, let alone function properly.
All of this makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, every time she talks about it with idk what to say because I can't really empathize with her. She also mentions it a lot, which makes me even more uncomfortable, like the other time she was like "oh, we are both depressed, what a great couple!" and I was like wtf, first of all I'm not depressed, and then I know it may be a way to cope with it but it sounded really bad.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I feel like I'm failing in life in itself and it's serious.
|
I very always had a lazy streak but have worked years. I got laid off around a year ago. I guess I'm depressed because I can't get back on track. I'm very shy I don't like being around people even though I have been but now I liked it even less and I'm not even looking for a job I'm just living off what I saved for years. And I don't go out much actually I've been like a hermit for almost a year so I was wondering if anybody actually was like this as well?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
im an extrovert and my no one has texted me in a week
|
so im fucking dying and i need the people who say that they care about me to ACTUALLY TALK TO ME
i need to talk to people bc thats how i get my energy, my room is a mess, i haven't studied, i got a B on my test which isn't that bad, but I'm supposed to be the smart kid. wtf i need them to take a hint. I am not a cryer but i just finished crying for two hours i don't know what to do i need help
sorry for venting ik y'all have bigger problems
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I feel like im worthless and alone. Please help
|
I posted this on another sub but I couldn’t crosspost. Im just looking for help.
Im 19 almost 20 and i feel like I’ve accomplishment nothing in life at all.
My story is the following. I was born in Mexico to a single mother and brought to the US when i was one year old. My mom got married to this man and every since I have memory this man has treated me terribly. I’ve been told that he treated me well I was a baby but I don’t remember any of it. I used to be beaten almost everyday by this man and its left scars in my mental state. He would beat me for the most absurd things. He beat me because i didn’t all my multiplications, he beat me because I couldn’t hold a chicken while he killed the poor thing, he beat me because I wasn’t strong enough to help him do some mechanic things. He would tell me that I was useless and worthless. This has left a pretty big scar. And the worst thing of all is that mom wouldn’t do anything and i didn’t know why. I thought everyone just hated me.
I just want someone to tell me that they are proud of me. Im going to college, I have a job, I have a girlfriend that I love, Im paying my rent and bills but even though I do have all of this I still feel worthless and useless. I feel alone and unwanted, hated by everyone. This leaves me to sob alone in the night because I don’t know if even deserve living. This has lead to many attempt suicides.
I just want to know if Im truly worthless and useless. Am i truly hated?
I just want to hear someone say they are proud of me...
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
How do i tell my parents i am depressed and have anxiety
|
I am 11 and i have anxiety and depression. I have know this for a few weeks (even though i have had anxiety and depression for years now) and i have no idea how to tell my parents i am scared they will say your not depressed, your just sad,ect or they will feel horrible that they couldn't help me sooner and i don't want any of that to happen i am way to scared to tell any them and i am thinking about ending my life. How should i tell them
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I need help.
|
(Sorry is this is the wrong place to post)
I’m having a really rough week. I can’t stop crying. Life has hit me repeatedly over the last six months, but this week has left me completely broken.
My dad died 6 months ago and my mother isn’t dealing with it in a healthy way. Everyday she calls crying and sends messages in the middle of the night about her sadness. It’s really dragging me down.
On top of that my sister has cancer. Tonight I got a call that she was rushed to the hospital and they are doing tests right now.
And my boyfriend of over a year just left me saying he isn’t happy in the relationship.
I don’t know what to do, I need help. I was already struggling from depression and anxiety before any of this happened.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I forget what happy feels like.
|
I have a lot of trouble with my memory. I know that I was a happy kid, but as I’m getting older, I’m sad all the time. My friends are telling me that I usually start to feel better as the weather warms up, but I genuinely can’t remember what that feels like. I’m not in crisis or anything, but it’s getting pretty bad. One of the things that used to help me is drawing, but even that isn’t making me feel better lately. I don’t really now what advice I need, but is there anything that has helped you? I’ll try anything at this point.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I need ideas....
|
I'm about to be 33 years old, have never been able to get a job due to a lack of ability/skills and the fact that I was born with disabilities - the big one being a developmental disability (Spina Bifida). What's more, I have little interest anymore in attempting to GAIN any skills due to unbelievable levels of frustration and depression (I'm also inquiring about this in a "disability" sub-reddit).
Anyway, outside of forcing myself to TRY to learn skills that I have absolute interest in whatsoever and am convinced are still far from any sort of guarantee of being able to land me a job, what can I do to stave off intense boredom everyday, repeating the same routine of sitting on my fat, lazy, "SEVERELY 'work ethic-lacking'" ass all day doing nothing but watching t.v. - which sucks during the daytime when all it is - is repeats i've seen dozens of times, and surfing the internet (which I've done so much by now that I'm actually "bored of the internet" to some degree LOL/SMH/FML). I'm hopeful that when I finally get the call that I can move into an apartment building that is specificaly for low-income "PwD", that (in time) I'll either be able to buy my own video game system or a holiday or something will roll around and get somebody to buy me one as a gift. That will at least give me a third thing to do (in addition to perhaps when I live there and my SSDI slightly increases due to the fact that I won't be living with my parents anymore), MAYBE I'll have enough disposable income to also watch movies from time to time?
I know most of you are going to say that I need to volunteer, and while that is a good idea (and was doing that briefly in the past before they got rid of me because they needed to use me more than I could offer), I am currently recovering from a series of 3 surgeries, and am not really at a point where I can feel comfortable leaving the house and volunteering like that - if I could even find something (you'd be surprised how hard it was for me to find something in the first place).
Having said that, I do agree that I need to "get out of the house", my big qualms with that are that 1) most of the time I need to "kill" is during the day - when most, contributing members of society (who aren't "drains on the economy" like I believe myself to be), are at work, *and* I have a **severe** "lack of interests". I'm interested in sports and watching t.v. and movies and surfing the internet like I said....and that's about it. I don't read (I find reading to be somewhat difficult and as a result, a "chore"), I hate listening to music due to my shitty taste in music as all the bands/genres I liked growing up have all died out and my tastes never matured, I can't cook "to save my life".....like it's so bad I'm afraid I'm going to seriously hurt myself (burn/set myself on fire, cut a finger off, etc.),
I've got like 3 friends (and a fourth I see once in a blue moon) I ever see on any sort of regular basis (two of which are married), but are often busy with work and married life, they're new house, and are about to have a baby, etc. I wish I had more, but I made only 1 friend in college that I stayed in touch with, and the other two are a HIGH SCHOOL friend and his wife. I guess I just never really learned HOW to make friends and it doesn't help that I've developed crippling social anxiety when it comes to new social situations or environments. It's gotten so bad and I'm so isolated due to my myriad of circumstances, that I have gotten into the habit of (trying to) make online friends via things like Reddit, but that only does but so much for socialization and killing time. It's not like I can spend time with somebody who lives in another state, it's just a "pen-pal" type of deal.
Anyway, if you're still reading at this point and it wasn't "TL;DR" (sorry if I rambled, I'm a TERRIBLE rambler) - that's my story....Please help!
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Wellbutrin & drug testing concerns
|
hiya Reddit,
I have an interview scheduled next week at a local hospital and I'm 99% sure they're gonna do a drug test, bc duh they're a hospital. A coworker at my current job suggested bringing my Wellbutrin Rx with me to let the staff know it'll show up on the test.
She advised not to disclose that I have depression and said that if they ask, tell them I take it for anxiety. Should I say that or just say it's for SAD? Worried being too forthcoming about my depression will = no new job.
TL;dr Drug testing for new job at hospital; should I tell them I take Wellbutrin for anxiety or for SAD? Don't want to hurt my changes of getting hired bc of depression.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
For the past three days I haven't been out of bed for more than an hour at a time.
|
I just keep getting sucked back to bed. I haven't been to school, haven't been eating much, and haven't showered.
Shout-out to Super Smash Bros for entertaining me between sleeping and waking up. In all seriousness though, this is the worst depressive episode I've had in a while, and I don't know what exactly triggered it.
I'm forcing myself to go to school today. I'm going late, but I'm going (mainly because a doctor's excuse is required for 3+ consecutive absences).
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
I'm an asshole and I don't know how to fix it
|
Recently I made a post on AITA (am I the asshole). PLEASE do not go there and tell me things just because you want me to feel better. The sub decided that I'm a major asshole, and that's the fair ruling.
Multiple times I've been called rude, mean, even lacking in empathy. I hate myself for it. I don't want to be like this. I want to be a good person. But I can't because I don't understand how.
I have autism. I see the world much differently than everyone else. I have no idea why people do the things they do, and I don't think I'll ever understand it. They'll tell at me for my behavior and I never understand why what I'm doing is wrong, even when I explain myself.
The AITA post kind of broke the camel's back for me. I posted because I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being mean, and... well, I was. Bigtime. People were telling me I was an asshole to the bone, ungrateful, manipulative, etc. One person said "Douche alert!" with red siren emojis. Another said that I'd lose all of my friends.
I'm a monster and I'm not even aware of it. Even after reading all the replies, I still can't understand why I'm so mean. But I am. Honestly, I'm just considering suicide at this point. I can't function in the world, so why should I even be here? I don't know how to get better. My brain is wired wrong and I'll always think the way I do. Would anything help? Should I just die? I'd rather kill myself than be any more of a horrible person... please help me...
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Had a house fire. Now having panic attacks/depression
|
My house burnt down a week ago. My husband and I made it out with our pets but most of our belongings are ruined. I’ve had dips of panic attacks and depression in the past but this set off a new wave. Now I’m stuck in a panic cycle, constantly thinking about death and the fear of the unknown.
I just wish I could feel normal. It’s hard to concentrate on work and anything else. Can’t eat, can’t sleep. Constantly on edge. It’s hard for me to even remember when I felt good. Now it’s just constant tension.
Just looking for maybe some words of comfort or advice to deal with these depressing thoughts.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
I'm 16 and I'm a mess
|
(sorry in advance for bad grammar)
I don't remember when it started. It was weird, realizing how much I stopped enjoying most things. My favorite video games weren't as exciting anymore. I wasn't as interested in anime and Manga anymore, I didn't feel like consuming it either. My days became boring, each one beginning with the envy of enjoying something that I (used to) love and each of them ending with this overwhelming feeling of regret. I was more angry, I ranted with myself a lot about stupid things, I was crying more, most of the time because of stupid things (albeit that started a chain of thoughts leading to more serious issues and regrets). And mostly, I was so tired man, and it just gets worse and worse. It's to a point where it feels crippling, like I can't do anything anymore that requires a minimum of effort.
I don't understand. Lots of times, I wasn't even sure if I really had something. Maybe I'm just too lazy? Maybe I'm just tired? Is it really depression?
But why? Why would I have these thoughts, when others are having a it so much worse than me? I don't understand.
I feel so overwhelmed by myself. Sometimes I want to confess to someone, to tell them everything I have on my mind, but now I just feel like there is so much that I don't even know where to begin. Nowadays, I can't even make the effort of talking to my friends. I'm scared that I'll lose them. I'm scared I'm not being a good enough friend, I'm scared I'm isolating from them and they will just go, I'm scared that I'm not enjoy their presence enough and I know I will regret just li'e everything else.
I know I can make them laugh and smile but I feel like I can't even do that properly anymore, like I'm slowly losing this ability, I feel like I'm not as interesting as I used to be, or as I could be, I feel like I'm not as funny, and I feel so much more things that I can't even begin to list. I feel like I'm a shadow of an older self, like my real me died and I am just his shed, slowly crumbling to pieces. My mind feels blank and oversaturated all at once.
I feel like I'm not even the main character of my life anymore, I'm not even sure if I ever was, I feel like I'm just a background character, I feel like I'm stuck on froze and I can't move an inch. I see all those opportunities of potential happiness go away, slip of my hand, I feel like I'm constantly waisting my time just by being alive, I feel like I'm losing so much time, I feel like I'm watching all the best moments of my life pass me by and I will never get them back. I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I feel like it's out of my reach, like I'll never anyone of importance, like I'll never positively impact people's life like I always dreamed of.
You know, the internet is a shitty place, not in all of it's aspects, but in a lot of them. When I started using social media outside YouTube, in this case Twitter, I was around 13. I exposed myself to a lot of shit. To a lot of poeple and events I wish I never knew existed, to a lot of disappointments, to a lot of toxicity... Do a lot of you wonder if you're just weak? The internet often gave me that impression. I think I'm weak, I definitely do, but I don't know how much. I don't know if poeple are just agressive pretentious entitled assholes that think their opinions make them somehiw better than everyone or I'm just being too sensitive and i'td just the way poeple state their opinion, I don't know.
When I was 13, I played so much vidya, sometimes from 8 am to 8 pm non stop. When I discovered that one of my favorite games was hugely hated on the internet, it made me feel miserable, like my taste was inferior, like I was so dumb to like that thing. I spent, no, waisted so much time defending that game online, and it left me with a terrible sour taste in my mouth when playing it afterwards, like the voices of the people criticizing me were echoing in my head, telling me how stupid I was, how wrong I was to like that game. I eventually didn't even finish it. I couldn't play it anymore.
And it keeps going. It still happens, I still get that hot feeling in my head when someone hates on something I love and I'm passionate about, I feel dumb and I wonder, I wonder if everyone is like me on that regard? Or is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with all of us?
I'm not even clearly sure about the mental illnesses that I have.
I feel like I made so many mistakes, so many unachieved things, so many failures in my life,that may not seem much, and I'd agree, but mean so much to me, I feel like I have so many flaws, and those thoughts, sometimes, they're so loud, they're like screams. And my throat is so sore that I can't scream louder than them, so I just want to be deaf. Sometimes I just want to end it all.
I regret so much things I did, so much things I didn't, so much things I said, so much things I couldve said..
my mind feels poisoned, to the point where it can physically hurt. I'm slowly heading to become a social failure, with no lover, no friends and no job. My grades are dropping, I don't do any work, sometimes I'm so tired at school that all of my body hurts from it (litteraly, it's a horrible feeling. It's a bit more complex than that too, I can't describe it but I hate it very much. ) everyone keeps mocking me, sometimes for stuff I don't even understand. I'm slowly becoming paranoid of doing anything in public, like I'm always doing something wrong and poeple will laugh at me, it's like I've been put in a game I don't know the rules of. Everyone thinks I'm a drug addict of some sort, even my fucking teachers. Everyone thinks I'm not normal.
There is so much more I could talk about. My repressed anger, my failed, awkward attempt at love, my feelings of hopelessness, but like I said, there's so much I can't even keep track of it,like my mind is reminding me of all those thoughts one by one. Everyday feels like I'm waking with a new chain that is slowing me down more, with it's own new lock and it's own new key, and I can't even find the key to the first lock yet.
It's midnight where I live. I have 22 exercises of math that I should've done during the holidays, due for Sunday. I want to do them now so I can have at least 2 days of fun, but I don't feel like it's worth it. I don't feel like anythikg is worth it.
I know this is a long text and it's very messy, I'm sorry, I'm tired (duh) and in a horrible state whi'e writing this. But I do hope that you would take a bit of your time to read this, I always wanted to talk about this and sharing it with others and I'm finally doing it, so this is very important to me. If you read this fully, I can't stress how much I'm thankful. Really.
Tl;dr (grossly) :I have a constant crippling feeling of emptiness, distress, guilt, slowness, frustration and sadness governing my life, and I feel like there is no hope for me.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Nightmares are making my life a living hell
|
I’ve been having dreams that feel like they last multiple days, despite me being asleep for only a few hours at a time. It’s extremely disorienting to wake up from these. Sometimes it’s relatively normal stuff happening in the dream, but others it’s not. It’s rare for me to sleep without having a dream that feels like at least two days pass, even if it was just a short nap in real time.
The worst of these, which has repeated itself several times, involves me being trapped in a makeshift prison camp and used as a slave for manual labor. This particular dream spanned a little more than two weeks the first time I experienced it. I remember some of my fellow prisoners and trying to make friends with them, before being beaten and told not to speak to anyone. About I week in, I often start planning an escape attempt. It’s worked twice, but when it fails, the prison guards kill me, and anyone else who tried to escape with me. On the two occasions where I did escape I was the only one to do so. I run home, to find the furniture rearranged and the walls in different places. I beg my roommate for help and he’s confused, saying I’ve been gone less than an hour. I’m pursued by the prison guards, who for whatever reason are Russian and are experts at tracking people down without raising suspicion. I’ve resorted to killing one of them in one of these dreams, and then it turned out he was just a normal person and not actually there to kidnap me. The “normal” police then arrested me and I went through an interrogation where the police concluded I was insane, then dropped me in an asylum.
It legitimately feels like I’m experiencing multiple days or weeks of time in these dreams. I don’t know what’s going on. My own mind is holding me hostage. I’ve been dealing with depression for about three years now, and it’s gradually gotten worse over time, but the dreams are a relatively new addition to my daily torments and I don’t know how to deal with them.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
Depressed and feel like I can’t tell anyone
|
Ok so I am quite young to be depressed (I don’t feel like sharing me age so I’ll just say under 13) and because I am so young I feel like I can’t tell or trust anyone when it comes to depression. I can’t even speak to my friends or family about it because I’m scared they either won’t believe me or I’ll bore them. That’s why I decided to go online and ask for help. If you’re still reading can you maybe support me or help me build up the courage to tell someone?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I feel like my only option to get out of going to this job everyday is to kill myself
|
My depression has gotten so bad that the smallest tasks require monumental effort. Getting out of bed in the morning and taking a shower feels like climbing mt everest. And so, when I say I have to deal with a full time 9-5 monday to friday job, you can imagine how much trouble I am having getting through the day. I'm taking things a second at a time, just trying to get through the next moment until the day is done. It's a good job, an easy job with nice people and good conditions, but I can't do it - I just physically can't do it a second longer. It's too much effort. I've pushed myself to my limits and then some. It's not humanely possible for a person to go on like this. But I don't know what options I have. I don't want to throw away my career, but I can't go on like this anymore. I don't have any options, I think it's over for me.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
I dont want to lose my best friend (long paragraph)
|
Im depressed and i have been on and off for about 2 years now. I only have 1 friend and she is also depressed (ik i should surround myself with positive people but idk i just dont) We got high a couple months ago and i noticed some cuts on her hand (i was stoned so i couldn’t really process what i saw and basically forgot about it). About 3 hours after when the effects had calmed down, i remembered that i saw the cuts and asked her about it and she denied it at first but she eventually showed them to me and i asked her why she did it and she told me that she doesn’t even know why, she said its stupid and it does nothing for her but she does it anyway. Fast forward to present day, the cuts are now on her wrists (not super deep) she does it with a box cutter and i have basically begged her not too. She has stopped doing it for about a couple weeks now because she has a job and it requires her to wear a t-shirt and she does not want people to notice. I just dont want her to try and take her own life, I try to make her happy whenever im around her but we dont go to the same schools so im not with her all the time. She has about 3 other friends besides me but they are not aware of the situation. We have known eachother for about 3 years now and have been close ever sense (im a guy) we are very comfortable with one and other but we dont Hug or say we love eachother or anything that we think would make us “uncomfortable”. We have both established that we dont want to be anything other then friends because we dont want to lose eachother. I dont know what to do, in this situation, I have never been suicidal (hopefully will never get to that point). I dont want to lose her and i honestly dont know what I’d do if i did, I feel like im not enough to make her happy anymore. Please give me advice.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
How do you get over feeling unlovable?
|
I've always felt just very second place to everyone in my life, but that I can at least rationalize away by saying that they're at least still friends with me at all. But as far as anyone being romantically interested in me, I just feel so completely unlovable in every way. Like my depression keeps people from wanting me. But I'm always someone's rebound. I'm the person who gets hit up after someone got dumped or if they need something quick or they need a distraction. Someone just did that to me and it just destroys my self-esteem every time. I'm not worth putting time or effort into, but I'm worth hitting up for nudes every time someone hits a hitch in their actual relationship. I'm worth a "Hey wanna hook up?" But never actually any emotional connection with anyone.
How do you cope with just feeling like you're not ever going to get what everyone around you already has?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Not sure if this is relevant but... here goes nothing
|
I have a problem with asking for help. Especially from teachers and other important adults. (I am a highschool student) I am taking concurrent classes at our local college and the teacher, an adjunct professor, is very rough on highschoolers and she expects a lot from them. This is fine but we’re fast approaching the end of the year and my grades are slipping due to some stress and dysfunction in my family and friendships that I am struggling to deal with. I also have to miss a lot of class for highschool events and such. There is a possibility I will not graduate and that I will lose my scholarships for college. I need to get away from my family and make my own life in this world and I feel like I’m at the finish line but this obstacle is in my way. I don’t know how to approach this teacher. While she is a nice woman, I don’t think I could handle it if she told me there was nothing I could do. I feel like a whiny child and could really use some advice. Thank you.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
What is the point of getting help?
|
I don’t get it. Having a doctor lie to me to try to make me feel better isn’t going to make me feel better. Taking medication isn’t just gonna make my problems go away. They’re still there, even if I’m not aware of them or am tricked to think they aren’t there. It’s like getting drunk, it’ll make you forget about your problems but they still very much exist. Taking meds aren’t going to make people want to talk to me or make me likable, it’s out of my control at this point and it seems like there isn’t a feasible solution other than the easy way out.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I don't want to die.
|
Hi, thanks for dropping by.
I was diagnosed 4 years ago. I have always wanted to end things. But I don't to die. I want the pain and sadness to end. I want to live. I want to have a happy life and build a family with my husband. I want to be able to experience happiness, to go through a normal life like any other people. I want to work hard as a scientist, and contribute to humanity.
​
Just want to move along, and live.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Meds help - Sertraline
|
Please help lol.
TLDR at the bottom.
I started taking Citalopram 5 years ago and tried to ween myself off them. When I did that, after I stopped taking them any little thing would make me angry or burst into tears. I was surprised at how much the meds actually effected me.
So I asked doctor if I can change my meds entirely and went onto Sertraline, 50mg.
I recently decided I don’t want to be on these meds forever, and asked my Dr how do I stop them?
He was no help whatsoever and said just half them etc and take it ever other day etc.
I did that and now I’m off them. But I’ve noticed my moods changed. Any little thing that doesn’t go right, I get really angry and I could burst into tears.
Seriously all the time.
Has anyone come off these and experienced what I’m going through?
Does it stop? Do you start to feel ‘normal’ again?
TLDR - Weened myself off Sertraline, little things that go wrong make me angry and cry. Does this stop? Will I feel ‘normal’ again? When?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Need Help / Afraid to get labeled
|
The stigma with mental health is strong. I know I need help, I have overwhelming thoughts of suicide and dispair, have battled eating disorders for a decade, am in a toxic relationship, have social anxieties in crowds and am a survivor of sexual assault. The problem is... I don't want to get labeled by my insurance company with all of these for the rest of my life. I worry that once I seek treatment and am 100% honest the diagnoses list will be long. I am functioning - maintain a promising career, friendships (for the most part when I doing go MIA), and am physically healthy. I'd say 75-80% of the time I'm living a normal healthy life, but that other 20-25% is dark and frankly scary. I found a letter I wrote my best friend a year ago to the day basically an "in case I die - hopefully it wasn't at my own hands but if it was, this is why" It was actually written on a good day, where I just thought I have to explain mental illness and how it's impacted me so someone doesn't think my whole life has been a mess when I'm gone. Anyway, I digress, point is I found this letter and it made me realize I'm still in the same situation as a year ago and I need to find help somewhere.
​
Does any one else struggle with health insurance/dr labeling them? I am not ashamed with my family or friends to openly discuss my issues, but I worry how information like that would hurt a future. (and yes, I know the hypocrisy when part of me doesn't plan on a future anyway). Any leads on where I can turn to for help?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I want to know why I shouldn't die
|
Every day is torture, I am constantly ridiculed with thoughts of worthlessness and suicide. I feel like all I do injure people, waste time and money, and only am a hindrance to those around me. I have no support, have no one to talk to, have no social skills or friends, no skills. I am so lonely. I have no one to blame but myself. And yet I am constantly told to not kill myself, that things will get better, and the human body is surprisingly resilient when it comes to dying. Everyone "wants" me to live, but it truly does not matter if I do. It hurts so much. I see no reason to not end my life.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Just need to talk to anyone
|
So I have been a part of this subreddit for idk how long, but never posted anything because I felt like my problems are not important. But now I want to post something. I actually have typed this post out several times this week but always ended up deleting it. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I’m gonna start with what happened today. This story has nothing bad happening but it caused me mental pain. I’m typing this out because the four hours I spent with my fiancé has been the longest I have felt happy this week and I just need to talk to anyone right now.
Me and my fiancé went to the gym this morning. He had to pick me up due to we both still with our parents and haven’t told anyone about our engagement( we want to surprise them and are waiting to by financial set). We went to the gym worked out for an hour or two then we went out to do some errands. I was bringing my resume to places applied to and my fiancé was my ride. After that he got on the freeway and we were just driving and making jokes. I was telling him a funny story about a quest I did in a game I’m playing. Then I got a phone call from my mom. She wanted to know where I was and when I’m going to be back. Now I know this is seems like a red flag but she only asked because she had to get a new work uniform and my other siblings were going with her and no will be home. That doesn’t seem bad but my mom’s stepdad lives with us and he is unable to much he can walk and stuff but has a hard time remembering things. So someone has to be home with him.
I said ok and we started to head back. This when I noticed that my fiancé was upset. I asked what’s wrong, it turns out that he had a surprise for me. He was taking to a sushi place that he promised to take a while back. He also had plans for the whole day for us but wanted to surprise me with it. I started feeling like I ruined the whole day. His plans and the way he described it made it sound like today was gonna be the most perfect date/day. On the way back I was just upset and angry with myself and my siblings. I was upset with my siblings because they are all young adult, hell two of them are adults,(21 and 19) but one of couldn’t stay home for a couple of minute until the rest of my family got home.
While we got to my house he didn’t even park, he just stop in first we said goodbye and I went inside. I say that because he always parks in the driveway, gets out, and walks me to my front door. He did try calm me down before hand but I was just so angry. My parents were still home and asked me what’s wrong and why was I upset. I told them but my mom made feel worse. She made me feel like I should have told her and that it was my fault for not knowing about his surprise for me. My dad tried to tell her that she was wrong and that how was I supposed to know about my fiancé’s surprise.
I was texting and later was in call with my fiancé while that was happening and he was still upset but was telling me that it was not fault. That what happened was unfortunate and upsetting but it wasn’t my fault. Every-time I tried to blame myself he would tell me to stop. That yes he was upset and he was sorry for upsetting me. It ended with me and him in a phone trying to make the other person feel better but it didn’t work. Now he has gone to bed and I’m still awake still upset my eyes burn a little due to crying.
I just want to talk, just to clear my mind of bad thoughts. I can’t call him because he has work in the morning and I want him to rest. I feel like I need help, I’m a mess. I feel like crap my mental state is fucked due feel like my happiness was ripped from me. I just want to start the with a smile and end the day with a smile.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
Why am I so weird
|
I’m just so off. I don’t feel right in the head. I feel so dumb all the time. I used to be a smart kid, what the hell happened?
I can’t even talk to people. What do people even talk about, how do you get started? Even new people at work make friends with each other, but I feel like they all think I’m just weird or perhaps a bitch simply because I’m so awkward and probably say the wrong thing all the time, or maybe I just don’t say anything when I should.
I’m so clumsy too. Like REALLY clumsy. Constantly spilling things, hurting myself, fumbling especially when I know I’m being watched.
I don’t know who I am. I feel like I have no personality, so sense of individuality. I find myself trying to mimic others so I can have a personality but it always backfires. If I were to truly be myself I feel like I’d be a 22-year-old 7 year old. Maybe I miss being a kid that much, like I want to go back and fix it. I know I didn’t have an awesome childhood, neither of my parents were people I could look up to. No role models.
I’m just so bad at life. I don’t know how to be normal, sometimes it feels like there’s no way to fix it and I wanna just leave for good.
Sorry if I was all over the place, I just needed to let my thoughts out somewhere. Guess it was kind of a rant but I need support.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Seriously considering checking myself into a hospital...
|
Has anyone ever checked themselves in before? I've been trying to research what they do but it's really scary and hard for me to read about it (I'm having a really hard time focusing and also all the legalese is kinda confusing to understand). I just changed my meds from lexapro and wellbutrin to effexor and I'm sure that has something to with the bathroom cleaners looking like a tasty cocktail... I'm kinda scared to be by myself but even more afraid to be locked up and isolated in a hospital. not to mention hospital expenses.... i dont know what to do...
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Trying to have energy
|
I'm on two different meds for my clinical depression but I still only have a small amount of energy that I have to use up at work making sure I am as normal appearing as possible, so when I get home I have no energy left to cook or clean or do anyting really except maybe minimum requiring things. Like emptying cat litter, putting more food in the fur babies dishes, making sure they have water, grab something to eat (like Dry Cereal or a Pop-Tart or something like that you don't have to do anything to) and setting my alarm for work the next day and making sure I have underwear and everything for work the next day.
So what ends up happening is laundry and cleaning and everything else builds up for the weekend and then on the weekend I spend most of the time getting the house back to a normal person level of reasonable and maybe cooking one meal and then back to the week and having to ration my energy to make sure I keep a job. I have sleep apnea and a CPAP that I wear every night but I'd still don't get the best sleep. I have some mobility issues due to injury from the Army and also being overweight. I'm working on trying to lose weight as well but one limitation to losing weight is finding, even at work, needing the snack to keep myself alert.
So I'm wondering tips on how to get more energy despite my depression so that maybe I can get at least a little more done so that my weekends could be more than just using up that energy to make up for what doesn't get done during the week due to my lack of energy.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
How in the actual heck does one love themselves
|
I have a very bad problem in that the only way to love myself is that I receive love from other people (a potential girlfriend). This is apparently very unhealthy and self destructive. Problem is, that is all I know about how to love myself. I have been told to love myself but I find that VERY difficult to do. I was raised in a household with a mother who was infuriated and enraged with seemingly small things and took things way too far pretty frequently. She took a lot of her anger out on my father and she did so in plain sight of me and my sister. Her use of pure hatred and rage towards my father rubbed off onto me. The difference is, that unlike her, I have the common decency to keep all this inside my head. A lot is directed towards the outer world and a lot is directed towards myself. I cant love myself, because the only two things I feel for myself are hatred and rage, so I look to unspoiled minds for affection. I know this is self destructive and it will just push me closer to pulling the trigger or jumping off the cliff, I know that.
​
I am looking for real, tangible, practical and usable advice for how to love oneself. The only advice I have received so far is that, "You should love yourself." Great, what the heck does that mean? I have received advice like, "Engage in your hobbies and court yourself." Well I already have hobbies and I do nice things every once and a while, no effect there. Plus, I don't have much time to engage in hobbies since I am a college student and despite having some money in the bank, I need to make more this summer.
​
If you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I don't know if I'm depressed,anxious or something else (I couldnt think of a good title)
|
I don't really know where to start, so this post will be all over the place, sorry but I just need to get this off my chest
I got out of a two week relationship a while ago, and although it was not seem like much he was one of my best friends and I loved him to the end, but I kept having what I call 'breakdowns' , I tear up,my heart races, I dont want to speak, I distance myself from others, and a couple other things, these were starting to happen more often and I decided that the relationship was putting too much stress on me so I did something that I now regret, breaking up with him
For the next day or two he was moping around school, I felt really bad and guilty but I thought it was the best thing to do at the time. A good thing to mention right now is that my stress and other things (I couldnt sleep, loss of my appetite, etc...) had also stemmed from my home life, but that goes into a whole nother story. On Friday I found out something, that he had already gotten a new girlfriend (we broke up on Monday btw) with a girl who had a crush on him through, and before, we went out. I know it was stupid of me but I was upset, I was glad for him but I couldnt help feeling...betrayed???(very stupid of me I know)
In short he then told people why i broke up with him, and that is when i started to ignore him as it was private. I keep having these breakdowns and I feel that this story is when it really started to affect me, at this moment I have had 3 breakdowns in lessons and 1 at break, along with many at home.
I just want to know if I'm being stupid or if I actually have a problem, sorry about my bad writing skills, I'm writing this as I'm in a breakdown
If you would like I will get into my "home" story, it is a big part of this story
Thank you in advance
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I am a real, fake person
|
Last few years I was a real, honest person and I really care about people and I really wanna help others and be with them in hard times, but I am not as happy and as strong as people think. Like I am very weak I am not happy at all and I need love and help, but people don't see it or believe it when I say that I am sad or need help. I don't know if I am really a real person or if I am just fake. Cause I don't lie I don't keep secrets ( if people say don't say anything about this subject to other people I won't) from people and I really love everybody and don't hate everybody and I am honest and open. But I keep asking my self am I real person or a bad person or what ever.
I really need help :(
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I can’t take it anymore
|
Hi guys, I feel like I can’t take it anymore.
I’m 15 years old and in grade 11, I go to an all boys catholic school, which predominantly contains white students.
Throughout my whole life my parents have had a extremely bad relationship. When I was born my dad bailed on my mum, brother and me only to come back after she begged him. My dad currently cheats on my Mum and has been doing it as for as long as I’ve been alive. My mum is dyslexic and works very long hours, I generally only see her for about 3 hours a day. My parents hate each other and haven’t spoken to each other in over a year, putting me in between all their bullshit.
Ever since I started highschool I was getting bullied, it started out with name calling and me being him stopped for a while and they about 6 people started hitting me together. I told two of the housemasters at my school and nothing happened. This continued and I had a panic attack at school where I spoke another teacher about the bullying and nothing happened. Last year a large amount of the bullying stopped and my life seemed to get a bit better.
This year two people have been going at me every chance they can. They taken it to the point where they have created instagram accounts of me where they create memes and just mock me (it has been going on for about 3 months, I only found out recently after one of my friends showed me). I can’t fucking take this bullshit in my life anymore. I just want to fucking end it
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
How to fix negative thinking?
|
I want to start thinking better because from what I’ve heard constant negativity is a huge contributor to depression. I have no friends because I’ve shut them out due to my feeling of wanting to be alone, yet feeling lonely. I have symptoms of an anxiety disorder (dry mouth, slurred speech) and I don’t know how to converse as a normal human. I feel like people check their phones or look away more when they’re talking to me, which makes me feel even worse. My life sucks.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I hate who i am, i don't know how to change.
|
I've been a neet for 2 and a half years, mostly because i'm somewhat socially retarded, not only am i not good at making small talk or generally talking to people in real life, but i also have no interest in doing so with most of the people that are around me for whatever reason, i also use the fact that i have a heart condition that doesn't allow me to make a lot of physical effort to justify the fact that i'm a neet but the truth is that i'm mostly afraid of having to deal with people.
​
For the first 18 years of my life my heart condition wasn't that bad (or maybe it was and i was just used to it) i noticed something was wrong when i started working out and my left arm started hurting one thing led to another and now i can't drink coffee or alcohol or work out anymore, the not being able to work out part made me really depressed since working out usually just made any negative feelings i had go away for some reason, and i was determined to lose weight at the time, now i'm overweight have skinny arms and i don't look anything like i wish i would.
​
I'm also not interested in pursuing higher education, i barely passed through high school and i know i'm just not cut out for it even though my iq is 2 whole points above the standard!
​
My parents feed my bad habits probably because they feel some guilt for turning out the way i am they used to scold me for being shy and not doing well in school but they also shit talked me for a lot of small things that i don't really want to remember eventually i started confronting them about it and now they don't really know how to handle me so they just kind leave me to do whatever i want, their generation was very different from mine and i don't blame them for not knowing how to deal with the modern problems i have, i kind of wish they'd threaten to kick me out or something
​
Now i mostly spend my time consuming media but recently i've been feeling really bad about wasting my time, if any of you have any advice or can point me to a book on self help or anything like that i'd appreciate it, also i don't have the money to afford any good therapy.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I cant get the images out if my head.
|
This morning I found a dead body when I was walking my dog, and its all I can think about. I'm wanting to go to sleep but the whole morning just keeps repeating in my head and then I start overthinking it.
I just want to forget about it but I can't and its making me so nervous and anxious. I tried walking my dog this afternoon but had a panic attack because I was so scared of finding another body etc.
I just want to black it all out but I can't.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
nothing left
|
(for background information: i'm in my mid 20s, and i live at home with my moms and my brother, and i've been dealing with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder.)
i don't feel like there's any reasons left for me to hang on to life.nothing to look forward to.i don't even know what i'm looking for by posting this.
but, i can't even figure out how to word a paragraph for it.and i'm only good at making lists, so.here's everything i have the mind to allot right now.
* i can't move away because 1) i am financially entangled (split car payments, and rent that the house relies on, etc) and 2) my mom has repeatedly stated she'd go crazy living with just the other 2.
* no one wants to hire me, so i'm stuck at a job that overwhelms me so much it gives me daily anxiety attacks; i cry out of frustration or stress generally once or twice a day. some days are better than others. some days are worse.
* i'm afraid to talk to my (initially caring) managers about it because i feel like, after my previous health problems and missed work, they either don't believe me, or they're tired of me.
* i just came back from 2 weeks of unpaid medical leave because of a kidney stone. i haven't gotten the bill yet, but who knows if i can even pay it?
* i suffer from anorexia nervosa, but i can never seem to get a handle on it; i've relapsed several times over the past 3 years.
* everyone forgets about me. people stop talking to me mid-conversation. sometimes, my family forgets about me entirely, even when they're going out together or getting/making dinner (which is an Everyone thing in our house.) they forget my birthday.
* no one wants to date me--but, i understand it sort of. (i'm quiet, boring, and sad.) people i catch feelings for either reject me outright or just stop talking to me. someone i've known for 8 years (and dated 4 times) suddenly cut contact with me after not talking for months. the person i've been saying 'i love you' to for the past 1.5 years doesn't even want to be in an actual relationship to me. it all just feels like sweet but empty words.
* one mom is on disability, and my older brother doesn't have a job--he just picks up "gigs" maybe once a month. my other mom just quit her job on the spot two days ago, and has just been sitting around watching TV. i'm the only one in the house with a stable job. so, i can't quit.
* my health has never been the best, and i'm honestly just waiting to see when it finally tanks. part of me hopes it's terminal.
* i can't even afford a therapist that i desperately (obviously) need. i know i can talk to my friends, but i don't want to burden them when they already have a lot on their plates. no one wants to talk to somebody that's always bringing up negative or heavy topics. i don't want them to leave me too.
* not even online friends talk to me very much. i'm just kind of Here.
* i'm pretty convinced that the only romantic, lasting relationship i'll ever have is with imaginary characters in a dating sim game. now i can barely play anything with a romance plot because i'll just make myself sad.
i almost went through with it on christmas eve.the only reason i didn't was to keep from ruining christmas for my family.sometimes i wish i did it anyway.
tl;dr i feel trapped and alone in everything, and i feel like it's drowning me, and i want to let it.
​
edit: i tried posting this a day ago, but it didn't even show up on the feed lmao. just my luck!
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Depression and anxiety came back
|
I haven’t been depressed or anxious since I was 12 I attempted suicide and was admitted into a hospital a year or so later I was discharged with all my new coping skills, come 6 years later I got scammed out of 400 bucks that’s literally all I had and some of my friends so I’m in debt and can’t help pay my part of the bills, I don’t have anxiety or depression medicine anymore so I take sleeping pills to slow down my heart rate but it’s beats like a drum all day long, I’ve been getting 3 hours of sleep the past few nights and I can’t eat anymore, I was looking at my pills and feel like downing more just to feel numb from this pain any kind words help. Thank you
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
I have frightening intrusive thoughts
|
I (21F) have frequent intrusive thoughts and i'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
(I also posted this in /anxiety but this may be a more relevant spot to discuss until i see my therapist in a couple of days. I mentioned it to my therapist and we've only met 3 times so its not really something we've been able to talk about all that much yet, since i have much more pressing issues relating to my depression and needing to discuss my past.
My intrusive thoughts are violent. When i get in my head (as we all do), i go through memories or my pretend-scenarios that i also have playing in my head. If its something i'm anxious about or i dont like it, or just dont know what to do, i immediately have a graphic image/thought of me killing or seriously injuring myself.
These images are usually of me stabbing myself in the heart with a dagger, banging my head against a wall/table to find that a knife was there (cut to me stuck hanging on the wall by my head), me hurling myself off a bridge, my fingernails being ripped off, me in a boat or plane propeller, turning my car immediately on the freeway... This kind of stuff. Some times I'll randomly have one of me being raped.
Specific thoughts i have that trigger this shit is:
-a conversation i want to have about something serious, but i get angry and can't handle it so i slam my head against a knife
-a memory of a cringey conversation from the past (why did i say that?! *slams head against knife*)
-memory of a bad boyfriend did a bad thing and i handled the situation terribly
-etc
I don't know if i'm alone in this, I just want to know, and then if you were able to stop them, then how did you do it? Its really disturbing and scary despite me constantly wishing to actually disappear from the planet already.
After typing this out I'm more worried and I've decided i'm going to mention it to my therapist with more urgency.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I really need some advice to fix my life..
|
I want to apologize for my English, everything i learned was from video games,movies,youtube etc..
Hi. My name is Nick and i want to share my story.. i live in a small town in Greece, im 17 years old i live with my mother and i am morbidly obese 150kg 1.72 height (my max weight was 196). 2 years ago i lost my father from obesity he had many difficulties in the last years of his life with obesity, diabetes, Cushing's syndrome, hormonal issues and more.. i had to watch him suffer for a good chunk of my life so did my mother and my 2 older brothers, after losing him my mother lost it she doesn't think properly anymore and that leads to many bad decisions more smoking, pills, gambling and she doesn't take care of her self.. she eats rarely even tho i try to convince her to eat she refuses. My whole life i was overweight and didn't really have that many friends and most of them only wanted to take advantage of me because of money or something else and that lead to many trust issues low self-esteem and loneliness.. growing up i never had anyone to talk to because my brothers did not really care back then and my parents were very busy working.. they tried to replace love and care with money and gifts so i spent a lot of time by myself in our home not going outside but it didn't bother me back then because it felt normal that way and soon i started to have an interest to the internet and computers in general (video games youtube hardware etc etc) and thats where the whole started going downhill.. i didn't have space for a computer back then because i shared my room with my brothers so i started going to internet cafes near me and i would spend all of my money to buy more playtime and prepaid cards for games.. every day i was getting more and more addicted to the internet and that lead to less time outside, less physical activity, more and more weight gain and i started skipping school. My social skills were and still are very poor so talking to people thru social media made it easier for me to communicate with others and make some friends so thats what i did and because of that i found some amazing people that i had lots of fun with and kept me distracted from my real life problems. Some of them were momentary but some i still talk to even till this day. My whole life i had to endure family drama from both sides of the family and i had to solve every single problem i had by myself cause i did not want to bring up more problems to my family so i had to mature pretty early on in my life.
Fast forward to now i have lost 2 school years because of absences i dont have any REAL friends that i can count on and no one to talk to i spend my whole day in my room with nothing to do, i dont even sit on my computer anymore i just lie on my bed sleeping or thinking,crying. I am working on losing my weight and thankfully that goes pretty well but i still feel like shit and i find no motivation to keep trying or even living. I am very self conscious about my weight and i hate the way i look regardless of the weight, oftentimes i hate myself and i am disgusted/disappointed with what I've become.. every day that passes these feelings get stronger and stronger i don't know what to do.
Now that you know a little bit about me i want to ask for advice because i have no idea what to do or where to start on fixing things..
I feel like i lost interest in everything and i feel like I don't want to live anymore..i feel alone, lost and that no one likes/loves me for who i am and those who do do it out of pity or just do it because i am a family member, i dont have anyone close to me that i can talk to because the only close real friend i had started avoiding me and i don't really blame him for that. I am ready to make a change because i want strength to be able to support the people i love and if i don't make a change i fear that even more negative thoughts will get in my head like self harm or worse. I know i can't make it by myself and that's why im asking for your help any advice would be helpful and VERY appreciated.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
I'm scared and alone
|
I just don't know anymore. Most of my friends from last year hate me, the new ones I've made don't know me, and they would hate me if they did, so I only have one person left to go to, my best friend, and I can't talk to them very often anyway (it's a long story). I don't have anyone. My own family, the people I live with, have no idea who I am, and I don't want them to know, because I would be disowned if they did, so I isolate myself in my room all day. It's like everything is against me. I come home and do literally nothing for hours. I just have these terrible thoughts and I don't know what to do with them. I self harmed for a while, but my best friend talked me out of it. It's been hard to live like this. Having nothing, going nowhere, no idea what I want. And to make it all even worse, I just found out I'm gay, so I have to figure out how to hide it from people who I don't want knowing, how to come out, and when. I just want someone to talk to. Any help, any advice, is very appreciated.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I'm scared I might be a danger
|
Currently, I'm medically diagnosed with moderate to severe depression and anxiety, and my therapist has told me it's highly likely I'm currently suffering from PTSD. The problem is, I want to hurt people. I hate my family for everything they've done, how they've treated eachother, and how angry they are towards eachother. They scare me, and I hate it. I feel angry whenever someone talks down to me, and I want to hurt and kill people when it gets bad. I know it's wrong, but I don't know what to do, and how to not feel like this. I can't talk to my family about this because they are the direct problem. I hate them and want them out of my life. I live in a boarding school, in a different country from them, but when I do see them, it always makes me worse. I don't know what to do
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Does anyone have advice for how to deal with feeling hollow and disconnected from people?
|
So last night me and one of my buddies, who I am very close to, had a discussion on what’s been going on in my head. Lately I have been feeling super sad and borderline suicidal because I have been focusing on my childhood and have come to the realization that I had an abusive childhood. My abuse was mostly psychological and verbal, but it still hurt and I can still feel it to this day.
Anyways, last night me and my buddy were discussing how my childhood was abusive and how I try to reach out to others (particularly women) for comfort, because I feel that I was denied affection by my mother while growing up.
All through the conversation, it didn’t feel like I was connecting with my friend, only my internal emotions and sorrow. It felt like the mini therapy session we were having was doing little. After leaving I felt hollow on the inside. It lasted till about noon this morning. Felt completely worthless and useless.
I was wondering if anyone had tips for what to do when feeling hollow and how to better connect to people.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Finally able to get professional help but.... How do I do it correctly?
|
Hi. Sorry that I can’t split this long post into paragraphs, I’m on mobile and it just hasn’t been letting me do it. So, anyways... I’ve been struggling with mental problems that are incredibly similar to common clinical depression symptoms (loss of motivation, emotional numbness, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, low self-esteem, and some more we don’t have to bring up) since I was about 10 and continuing since then. Nobody has ever taken me seriously, and I feel worthless constantly, so I’ve just put a bandaid on my problems and tried to ignore them. But it’s gotten to the point where I’m crippling myself to a noticeable degree and I cry for days on end. So I’ve decided to finally seek help. I think I’ve found a therapist that interests me but... What do I do? I mean, I know how to bring up my insurance and payment methods in a professional manner but that’s all I know I can do. Do I bring up my problems before the appointment so that she can be prepared, or do I wait? What’s the formality usually like for these things? And besides all this just to get the ball rolling, is there anything else I need to do that isn’t obvious? I just want to get better so my family isn’t so worried about me but I sincerely don’t know. I feel like this sub could possibly help as I’m sure someone here must be attempting recovery with a professional. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it more than you know.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
My Heart Feels Like It's Emotionally Bleeding
|
Just a quick one because I'm at work currently. On mobile.
I feel like I have an average amount to be proud of, especially considering how far I've come in a short time. I used to be a failure, honestly. I was on medical financial benefits, boyfriend dumped me (not nastily I might add but he was my world), had no desires for my future because I think I honestly believed that I couldn't achieve anything.
Not gonna go into too much detail about my current partner because he's not reeeeeally the subject here. But I will say that he came into my life abruptly as a friend of the person I was staying with, and literally turned my life around. More than anything, I'm thankful to him for showing me that I am strong enough. I have a job through him (he moved from South to North of my country and dropped into a job, a few months later putting the good word in for me and getting me an interview) and has reminded me of what purpose of life means... We have recently reserved a new, gorgeous build in the town we have come to love, and the coming month we will be reserving it. I can finally get a corgi (my favourite dog breed, if the name doesn't give it away haha) and my life has some substance. I will have a house, a dog, a loving partner and lots of friends, as well as a hobby that I love. I can buy games for my Switch and have a generously donated, very decent graphics tablet to draw on.
So... "Why it be like this"?
I have moodswings. I feel horribly low and numb and then just... Numb, which I recognise at the time is better than low. I get horribly self destructive (I have wished many times as recent as this last month to hurt myself out of frustration, I only don't because I cannot stand breaking my partner's heart), I cry, I feel hopeless. Yes, I have some happiness but I'm so used to feeling numb. Empty.
Why? I want to get off my meds, I want to feel at the very least normal, not nothing and empty. I don't want to constantly worry. I'm diagnosed with general and social anxiety with depressive episodes because of the aforementioned and it never ends. I have a wobbly relationship with alcohol, because it allows me some reprieve from the constant weight of worrying, but I have a tendancy to not be able to stop and get irritable, which is absolutely one of my biggest reasons to feel ashamed. I'm cutting down, I don't consider myself an alcoholic but I feel its lack of presence. I've been known to even go so low as to abuse a strong painkiller I was given from hospital for something unrelated.
I feel lost a lot of the time and it's come to a point where I'd rather talk anonymously to people on the internet than my partner or friends because, for once, I want to be the reliable one, the happy one. The one everyone enjoys... People love my energy when I have my good moments, and honestly... I do too! I want more of it! But fighting your own mind on a constant basis, introverted... Always giving what I feel is 110%, it's draining, so draining... I desperately want to hear ways people cope.
I feel I could write so much more but goddamn, I've been hiding out in the bathroom for probably about 20 mins so I'd better stop. Thanks for listening, Reddit.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Lol... help
|
So basically ima peace of shit... like really, I do a lot of fucked up shit to people I care about. Like for example I had this friend... let’s just call her Jenny, so me and Jenny were really close until something clicked in my brain and said “Jenny is a little to... weird right?” And me being the peace of shit I am said “yeah... she is isn’t she” so over the past two months I’ve been ignoring her cuz I just don’t know. And not only that but there’s this really nice boy I’m going out with and his family is so nice but... I honestly don’t want to meet them and idk what to do so I keep making up lies and when I do I just wanna fucking kms cuz I’m also a suicidal fuck.
Aight now enough of that now time for the actual problems I’m going through that’s starting all of this.
So I have bpd and that usually really messes with my personal life, it’s made me start self harming and even though I have someone who knows what I’m going through (my bf) I still feel like they’re going to backstab me due to past experiences. And he’s going to move this summer which means I have no chance of surviving it... HELL I CAN BARELY SURVIVE WEEKENDS WITHOUT THINKING OF KMS SO GOD KNOWS IM FUCKED ON SUMMER... any way please help 🙃
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I don’t know what to do and every day it just gets worse
|
So I’m a 17 year old guy and I was supposed to graduate high school this May but I decided to graduate early back in February because I had a really toxic high school experience I have a physical disability so people just harassed me or used me for personal gain by manipulating me. I live in this really small town where there is nothing to do unless you want to be stuck in life etc. anyways back to the point I got a job because I wanted to save money for college this fall and at this point this job is my distraction from my current state even though the job is boring I try to make the best of it my parents are selling our current house soon and are moving to the city and I just keep telling myself it will get better when we move but at this point I really don’t know anymore I’m stuck in a horrible town that there’s nothing for me there I have no friends and I’m stuck at a really boring job and I just don’t know what to do with myself and I hate it I want Chan so bad this chapter of my life is over and I’m ready to move on but I’m currently stuck and it’s slowly just making me more and more depressed
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Complete recovery after depression is a realistic expectation?
|
Hey, before depression took over my life I\[23F\] used to be such a happy person - joyful, positive, hyped about all kinds of activities, passionate about life. Before finishing college I used to think that lack of time is my only problem, I had so many plans and wishes and I used to think that depression isn't a real thing, that some people just choose to be unhappy. And then it hit me - repressed childhood trauma, unhealthy relationships with my family members and too many disappointments in my love life gave me depression.
At first I thought it's only a bad phase and I was expecting it to end soon since I was about to start my summer vacations. I had planned a 2 weeks trip to Scotland and I was really hyped about it for like 6 months before leaving, but somehow I couldn't enjoy it, I only wanted to sleep and be alone and I was struggling to get through each day without being rude or visibly irritated by everything was going on around me. That's when I realized that "bad phase" was a special one, but I only decided to get specialized help when I was already 4 months deep into it. At that point I was a mess, crying several times every day, spending all my free time sleeping, being terrified of my own thoughts, started thinking about suicide, pursuing a toxic online relationship, being unable to watch movies or reading books due to losing my ability to concentrate. At that moment, one of my best friends told me I was only a shadow of the person I used to be. The best feeling I was able to get about anything was "this is almost acceptable".
After my first visit to the psychiatrist I was put on medication and after only one month things became a little bit brighter for me - Christmas was coming and I started WANTING TO DO STUFF AWAKE!! I started watching netflix again, playing video games, hanging out with friends. I was still sad mostly, but I was able to enjoy these things from time to time which was nice. I also got fired right before Christmas for sleeping too much at work and doing almost nothing because of my depression, but I wasn't even mad about it. I mean, I cried because crying was like my main occupation (along with sleeping) and because I knew that's what I'm supposed to do when I get fired but I didn't really feel much about that event. In January I went in a trip to New York with one of my best friends and I enjoyed every moment of it! Then I came home and started looking for a new job. I was so relaxed and carefree and I was becoming my old self again. In February I started a new job and shortly after that I stopped my antidepressants treatment.
But I feel like **this journey of becoming my old self again is never going to be complete**. Sometimes I get close to what I used to be before this whole thing but I can't sustain that, like the old-happy-me is visiting sometimes but she doesn't wanna stay. Even though things go great for me now (great new job, great old friends, new healthy romantic relationship) I am mostly anxious and scared. I can't be genuinely happy with the good things I have in my life, because the fear of losing them and going straight back into depression is overwhelming. I heard things like "you'll never go back to what you used to be before depression", "depression leaves a scar you'll have to live with your entire life", "depression is a part of growing up, you just can't go back". I am starting to believe these things and it's sad. Are they true? I have no chance to going back to my old self?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
Time for a second attempt
|
Back in 2014 I tried to kill myself by overdosing on sleeping medication, but my mother was able to get me to the hospital and the doctors were able to save me.
After my first year of college I’ve decided I have no chance of getting anywhere in life and the person who I love will never love me back. Does anyone have any genuine advice for how to go about this? I’m thinking about trying to overdose again since it seems the easiest. I don’t want to permanently scar anyone on campus by jumping off a roof or hanging myself.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
Placing too much on outside help?
|
Hello,
I (20m) am a Junior in college. I have dealt with social anxiety, self esteem issues, and most recently depression for nearly half my life. It was a result of reactionary behavior (I caused my own problems) and I have never been able to shake it, as I tell myself I am incapable of change. (Cause yourself problems once, you will sure as hell cause them again)
I have been spiraling (more or less) over the last few years, and only now am I sane enough to look at my lifelong issues. Unfortunately, I recently moved to a new city where I know no one.
The loneliness has recently gotten to my head, and that combined with the stressfulness of college has me incredibly overwhelmed. Suicide has been on my mind more and more lately until I told myself today I would do it. But here I am.
I have an appointment with a therapy clinic lined up on 5/9 (May 9th - USA), but I do feel guilty to an extent. All that goes through my head upon dealing with my problems is “tell the therapist and they will assist you in making sense of it”.
This has me feel irresponsible and ridiculous. There has been many people in life who can’t afford help and have gotten along just fine. It’s your life, and at the end of the day it’s on you to fix it. Yet at the same time I am so lost. All that goes through my head is my inner critic, saying it’s pointless.
Sorry to ramble. My point being, those who have had success beating their issues on their own, what techniques/routines/activities did you use / partake in? What helped change your perspectives?
Any feedback is appreciated thanks for reading if for some reason you got this far
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
God I can't help it
|
I've tried getting help. I've tried, I really have. I've just been so empty, literally and figuratively.
Since about 2015 I started getting hate for being ugly and fat and whatnot. I'm currently starving myself to the point I start eating my skin. Then I eat like there's no tomorrow.
I keep getting hate, and limited myself to being out in public. I'm slowly dieing and I don't know what to do. Doctors don't really help, they just recommend a diet and give me prescription anti depressants.
I've stared an addiction to Heroine. It let's me be free and all my emptiness goes away. I cry myself to sleep with the thought that no one cares about me anymore and my only friend is Herione. I'm just asking reddit what to do before I end it. I'm slowly eating at my sanity to keep my ever powerful lust to just be like others.
People of reddit, what should I do?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
I attempted suicide and I can't get over it
|
It happened when I was in Spain for an Erasmus mobility. I had problems with my family and wanted a fresh start abroad. I wasn't feeling too good already. Actually, I just sunk into loneliness very quickly. There was a community of French people in my receiving institution that was cut appart from the rest. I wanted to make friends out of that gheto-like community, but I could'nt get out of it. Within the community I met someone I thought was my friend, but who ended up manipulating me. I was getting so lonely I thought I was going crazy. I was also in love with my roommate and the situation was very ambiguous. He tried to help, but couldn't do anything. I attempted suicide ten days after my birthday. And eversince that moment I have nightmares of it.
​
I've given up many things within a few months. I dropped my studies. Parted with friends, and even tried to convince my roommate to leave me alone. I told him I was angry he didn't even noticed that I had attempted suicide, that I also had enough of him being indecisive (he had confessed me his love, but he has commitment issues because of bad past experiences), that I gave up on him. I feel horrible today because of these nightmares and because I fear my ex roommate may not love me anymore after what I told him. I hate feeling lovesick and I want it to stop.
​
I have started a therapy and made resolutions about work and studies for the next year, but I feel perpetualy anxious and sad. How can I get over these horrible feelings ? I still feels like I don't matter.
​
Please help me.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Loneliness
|
Lately, I've been feeling quite lonely. For a long time, I've dreamed of a best friend, the kind that you never let go. The kind that truly cares for you, that you can be yourself around with, do fun and stupid things with, talk about everything under the moon and that you feel a connection to like no other. I have friends. Maybe even a few I would call best friends. We've been friends from childhood. But we barely talk or see each other. I'm talking five times a year or something. I started feeling left out already when we went to high-school and it got a lot worse over time. Now that we've all gone to collage, I feel more distant from them than ever. I have even considered cutting off ties with them. I don't think I know how to build friendships anymore, or trust someone enough to become that best friend. I crave friendship and company.
I'm not the greatest at keeping up with people either, through text mostly but also otherwise. I always feel like the other should initiate the conversation, and I almost always end up waiting days for them to text me back, because I'm too shy to.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Ugly people, how do y'all deal with it?
|
So I'm pretty ugly tbh, I would rate myself as a 3-4, body wise I have a nice body, starting to lose it though because I haven't worked out in a couple months, but even though I have a nice body, my face is full of acne scars and I'm going bald and I'm not even 25 yet.
Sometimes I don't even want to go outside because I feel like I'm too ugly, but that's honestly only when I'm feeling down.
The biggest problem for me is finding affection, I understand that I'm not attractive, so I don't expect the girl to be that pretty, but honestly I don't get any form of affection, and the little attention I get is from girls who are not even slightly attractive (I know talking like this, makes it seem like I'm a horrible person, but honestly idk how else to say it).
Honestly, my mom is the only person that shows me any kind of affection, and it makes me just want to be at home all the time, even though I have friends, they are not really people who I can depend on. Sometimes I just want to start getting escorts or something to spend my time with, but I know I'll feel even more depressed if I go down that route.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
My “dead” line is coming up
|
Its been a while that I’ve posted. Not because I’ve been fine but because I felt like it wasn’t helping at all. But yet I find myself posting here again. A little backstory, I decided about 6 months ago or so that if I did not see any improvements in my life by July 10 I would kill myself. Well my deadline is coming up and honestly I have not seen any improvement whatsoever. If anything I feel worse now then ever before. I think I’ll go through with it. I don’t know I feel like I just need to get this off my chest
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I’m having a really hard time
|
I’m really struggling maintaining my will to live. I’m tired of everything. And don’t want do go through everything to come.
I recently went through some therapy through my college. My assigned therapist was a practicum student and last week was our last session together after this entire semester. I feel very empty now.
My mom lost her brother to suicide and my best friend lost another one of her good friends the same way. Seeing first hand the way it affected them keeps me going but that feeling is diminishing.
I’m just so tired of everything and I have no motivation or energy to do the simplest of tasks. When I think of my future it seems like such a long road ahead of me and I don’t want to do it. I’m really struggling.
I can sometimes see a future for myself and my career but at the same time that dream seems so fantasized and that I’ll never make it
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
My girlfriend
|
My girlfriend has depression and it's really having a huge impact on our relationship.
We no longer talk or engage with each other. She sleeps all the time. If she's not sleeping she is on her phone zoning out. I'm finding my self withdrawing from her. We no longer are intimate emotionally or physically.
I've spoken to her about the impact this is having on me, she acknowledges this nd within days it's back to the way it was.
I'm trying to be as supportive as I can but it's so so hard.
I just needed to let it out and have some one listen and get it.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
I want to make a mental health channel on YouTube, but don't feel qualified...
|
Let me start by saying, I'm not in it for the views. Just that, recently I did a vlog after jotting down some things that help me when I'm depressed. It felt sort of cathartic to write down things that help me, and hope it could help other people. My problem is I feel like what I'll contribute will be generic, or not very helpful since everyone deals with depression differently.
​
I'm not making this post to advertise my channel. (throwaway acc) I'm just unsure I should post because I don't feel quite qualified to talk about the content. Sorry if this isn't entirely relevant to the subreddit.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
How do i make him understand?
|
I have depression, ptsd and anxiety which my boyfriend knows about. The problem is that when i tell him that sometimes i need to deal with it alone and don't want to talk about it to him he seems to take offence. He says things like "don't you trust me enough to talk?" And it makes me feel bad. I don't know how to explain to him that i sometimes i need to handle it on my own like i have done mostly since i first developed depression at age 6. Any advice?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Can't eat or drink
|
In the middle of a pretty bad depression spiral right now and just can't eat. after two days of not eating, I started a food log to make sure that I am at least getting enough for basic survival, and installed an app on my phone to remind me to drink water, but it is just getting harder to ingest anything. I saw these weird emergency ration bars that seem to have all the calories nutrients you need for a day in a few small bites and ordered those. I don't know if they will help or anything, but it's becoming harder every day. I feel like a failure for not being able to do basic human things, which only pushes the depression spiral further. I find myself playing this sick game where I see how long I can put off eating or drinking, which is really just a facade to make me feel like I have some control over the matter. I just don't know what to do anymore to not feel this awful. I only have two modes anymore, sad and numb, and I am just so damn tired all the time. I constantly find myself wishing for someone to just come out of the shadows and kill me, since I can't seem to do it myself. Maybe the loss of appetite is my body trying to do it for me. I'm just so tired and want it all to stop.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
giving up
|
I've been depressed since 2013 and I feel like I'm ungrateful because of it. I feel like I'm hurting my mom. I'm almost 20 and I lost all my youth on it. My dad left when I was 5 and I started to get really sad but depression just came out when I became a teenager. I'm doing therapy and it makes me feel better sometimes, I'm taking pills too, but I still hate myself, I hate everything I do, everything I am and it kills me to think I'm hurting my mom and my grandmas. Every month my psychiatrist tells me I'll have to take more antidepressants because I'm not getting better. A few weeks ago she told me I have a bordeline historic besides depression and anxiety, and I hate that my mom is paying for all my pills and my treatment while I'm planning to kill myself. I know she wouldn't be happy if I was dead, but I'm struggling, I'm too tired now, after almost seven years. I tried to kill myself once last month with sleeping pills, but my family took me to emergency. I saw my mother crying and I couldn't do much more than hating myself violently. I'm thinking a lot about trying again. I don't know what to do, I feel like my mind is trying to drag me to hell. Well, I don't have no one to talk about it anymore, so I'm sorry for this sad shit.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
How to help my husband not feel like he’s useless against my depression
|
I’ve been depressed for a long time now. I’ve been struggling for as long as he’s known me and it hasn’t gotten any better throughout the course of our time together. Recently, he’s been feeling like he’s useless and can’t do anything to help me when I’m feeling really down and he’s getting really frustrated. Needless to say this puts a strain on our relationship and how we communicate with each other. I don’t know how to help him help me. I’ve told him I just need him to be supportive and compassionate and loving but it frustrates him when he does that and I’m still depressed. I think he understands that my mental health can’t be fixed in a day but I hate that I make him feel like this. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you get through/manage it?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Feeling helpless, stuck, and confused
|
I don't understand why I'm so depressed all the time, like I just can't cope with what I have to deal with. I'm on multiple medications and I'm trying so hard to get a therapist but where I live you need parental consent, and I'm not in public school because of my disorders so I can't get a school counsellor, and I'm so scared of counselling now because one wrong word, one accidental confession and they'll lock me up in a psych ward again and that was the hardest, most embarrassing, and most traumatic experience I've ever had, that I now have diagnosed PTSD from it. I just don't understand why I'm like this, like I want to be normal and happy and go to school and go out with friends and get a job and a boyfriend and be productive and enjoy life and I try so so so so hard but it's never enough, I never feel any better. I feel like I'm gonna be like this forever. I just want a normal brain, without any mental illnesses and trauma. This is so debilitating I can't even function on a normal level. I'm five steps behind everyone around me. They're graduating and I can't get out of bed to do my schoolwork I get from an alternative school, because eventually I have to hand it in and then take a test in an area of complete strangers for the entire day, doing nothing after the test, and sitting there for the rest of the day because no one can pick me up and I have no way to get home until my mom gets off work, 3 hours after the school is closed. The amount of anxiety that situation gives me makes me sick. I *want* to do it, I want to get my schooling done and graduate but it takes so much to bring me to even have a sliver of confidence to even consider going. Not to mention, my family makes fun of me for it and always makes jokes about "Well, that's because your sister actually graduated" "Not until you graduate" "Well it gives *me* anxiety when you don't do your schoolwork" (Being said by someone who has never experienced even the slightest bit of an anxiety disorder). I've tried to explain why doing basic tasks is so hard for me but it's hard to explain something to someone who will never get it and just label you as lazy. And whenever I try to explain how I feel, I'm "having a meltdown" and "being selfish" and "you just need your meds right now". It just feels as if my feelings and professionally diagnosed mental illnesses are being brushed off and not taken seriously. I've had multiple attempts and for a week or so after an attempt, everyone suddenly cares and supports me but then it quickly wears off, and "If it was really that bad you would've actually killed yourself", or "You need to start making a *real* effort this time". I have no support systems or people I can talk to and the only reason I haven't succeeded is because I can't leave my dog. I've had her since the day she was born and people call her the dog version of me. We're so insanely close people are shocked by how mentally connected we are, and she gets upset when I'm not with her. We're two halves of a whole and she's saved my life multiple times so i can't just abandon her like that, I love her with all my heart. So I guess what I'm saying is I feel insanely stuck in my situation right now. I'm a minor, no job, no license to be able to transport myself to get a job, no support system, no one to talk to who completely understands, no therapy access. I just feel like a hopeless cause because what could someone even do in this situation? My mom constantly gets mad at me for having anxiety attacks and I feel like I'm just a burden to her, because she's the one who has to pick up my medications, etc. and she is always yelling at me because she has to take the responsibility of having a kid with a mental illness, and she won't do any research on my illnesses or how to manage a kid dealing with them even though I've asked her many many times to. I just feel completely alone and helpless, and no where to go, and I'm always terrified of asking for help or support because I don't want to be a burden to them as well or seem selfish or I'm asking for pity. No one around me seems to actively care and help me live with my illnesses, because I really need some help dealing with this, I can't get through this on my own.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Two Faced People - Need Advice
|
So basically, today in college we had a 15 minute break and my mate and I went out of college we went to the shops. We came back at the end of the break and as soon as we walked in this girl said "speaking of the devil. We were just speaking about you" and she was saying about my mate. I sat down on my seat and I got a message from my mate telling me that they were chatting shit about me, these two girls. They were going on about how I was ugly and how I can't get any girls and stuff. It didn't bother me about what they said, but should I have said something back, I'm not really looking for drama especially right now where I have a situation going on with a girl. I just want some advice on what I should've done or next time if I catch them talking about me. By the way, I didn't say anything to them girls, they said this randomly. Also, I am not a player or anything either so I don't know why she would have said that.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I'm 18F and I don't know if I'm depressed
|
I'm 18f and I just feel so sad all the time. I don't know if it's depression and I just feel so lost. I don't have any other way to explain it. I'm too scared to tell anyone but I've taken some tests online and they say I have moderate depression but idk if I'm choosing the answers correctly ( like correctly meaning the way they apply to me). I just feel like not getting up ever again, and thinking that I wanna be alive but I don't want to do anything. I just need clarification. You guys can ask me questions in order to help me, that would actually be much appreciated.
I just need the help guys, I need to know why I feel this way. So please please help me.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Real Down
|
I’ve been feeling really really down lately to the extent where I just don’t want to do anything but curl up in bed or be absolutely alone. Im mentally and emotionally tired.
I just started a new job doing something I thought I would be happy doing. I had plans, I had a goal. 2 weeks into it and everything seems to be falling apart. I realised I’m utterly unhappy with what I’m doing and the place I’m doing it. I left my previous job (though the work life was simpler there) and rushed into this new job because I was stagnant there; going nowhere in the company and pay.
I’ve never been able to hold a job for long (3 years the most) and I’m always unhappy with the job. I do know there are other jobs out there which I could be better in but never took the risk fearing the low pay (starting from bottom) as I have plenty of commitments. I fear starting afresh
My wife has been the main financial support in the family and she’s doing way better than me. However the saddest thing I found out recently was that she is also very stressed out and unhappy with her job. The only reason why she is staying on is because I am not financially stable. My wife is such a wonderful woman and she doesn’t deserve this.
In summary: I’m 31, not getting any younger, not going anywhere in life, in debt, no savings, unhappy my job, unhappy with myself, a burden.
* is someone cutting onions?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
Will i ever be enough for someone?
|
Hello my fellow redditors
I'm new to this sub and I've recently had my heart broken by someone who i thought was the one, but at least she was civil enough to tell me now instead of 3 years down the line.
A bit about me;
I'm a 23 year old male father of one and i suffer quite badly with depression and anxiety, prior to these events I've been feeling lost and the occasional thought of suicide or self harm wasn't out of the ordinary, i struggle as it is on a day to day basis I'm currently under the mental health team here in the UK.
I'm reaching out for help from anyone who will listen, this is my last cry for help.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Struggling with health services, would like some advice (23F)
|
For the first time in years after being the support for my other half who has struggled with anxiety and depression, I find myself on the other side of the fence.
I have been trying for over a month now to make an appointment with my GP, I have tried calling my local Adult Mental Health Services only to be bluntly told that I have the wrong number (I didn't, I live in the county they are responsible for) and then hung up on. I then tried calling the non-emergency number for health services and was briefly assessed and told to get to the hospital within the hour to meet a liaison for adult mental health. The liaison spoke to me for a while and she was very comforting and listened to me, and then gave me a leaflet and said to keep trying to ring my GP.
I am at the end of my tether - I work very erratic shifts, sometimes early work and sometimes I finish at 2 or 3 AM making it difficult to ring the GP at 8AM to make an appointment. This has been happening for weeks now and I'm getting desperate.
I just want to get my health sorted so that I can look after my other half.
Is there anything else I can try or do I continue to try the GP for the next few weeks?
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
It's okay for me to be depressed, right? Here is why.
|
I am really depressed. But it's okay, right? It's probably healthy that I am very depressed, because if I wasn't I would be in real bad shape, right?
1. My wife doesn't respect me.
2. My kid doesn't respect me.
3. My wife was having an emotional affair with her boss and kept on lying to me about it and still works there. Nothing seems to be going on now, but who knows. The episodes were years ago, but when I look at everything together I jus think wow...
4. I have been in basically a sexless marriage for 19 years.
5. I have cheated by getting happy endings and watching porn. I feel horrible about this.
6. I am unemployed. I can't keep a job. No one will hire me. I am an older worker and don't know what to do.
7. I want to get out of the marriage but don't know how. I can't support myself.
IT'S OKAY TO BE DEPRESSED RIGHT? I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT..... I LITERALLY can't think straight. I can't focus on getting things done.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Need advice o how to help my SO who is suffering with depression. Sorry if it's not the right place to put this.
|
My SO is suffering with depression and anxiety and is refusing to get help. It's almost like he just doesn't want to. In fact he has said on multiple occasions that he doesn't want to get better.
It all started when we had a termination for many different health reasons on my part. That was a good 6 months ago now. I went straight back to work afterward and he just didn't.
All he is doing is burying his head in video games, he doesn't leave the house, doesn't help around the house or anything. We have been trying to get him to see someone and he just flat out refuses. He self medicates as well and I don't think that is helping at all, in fact I think it maybe contributing to the problem. But anytime anyone brings it up he just says that it isn't a problem.
He did start to take some antidepressants but has decided that he isn't going to take them anymore. I know we cant force him to get help but he needs to do something.
I have been trying to support him by giving him space and letting him do his own thing, but that just doesn't seem to be working.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am scared to bring any of this up to him as he just gets very defensive and nasty towards me (just to clarify it's not physical it's just hurtful). Need some advice on what I can do to help.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
I’m gross and I’m letting everyone down
|
So I’ll just start with my job. I work at a restaurant. I really do love my work most of the time. And my coworkers and I get along and customers love me. But I have already been written up before for being late and today I overslept (more on that later) and was gonna show up 2 hours late to my shift when my boss told me not to even bother coming.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me and my sleeping. I’m always so tired. I’ve gotten my bloodwork done and everything was great there, so I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can easily sleep the whole day. I usually sleep around 12 hours a night and it never feels enough. The worst part is getting out of bed.
I’m also a really gross person. It takes so much effort for me to do dishes, shower, do laundry, heck, even brush my teeth. I am gross. I’m getting so many cavities. I can’t even walk in my apartment without stepping on things. My parents say that cleaning it is the least I could do for them and I can’t even do that! I can’t even take care of myself! I’m probably going to lose my job! Everything requires so much effort and even when I just “start with one thing” I get so exhausted from it. I’m such a dysfunctional human. I get an email from school (I’m in culinary school) the other day saying that I’m very close to reaching my limit of hours missed and that if I miss a few more, I won’t be getting a diploma. I always do this. I used to be such a good student. Such a good daughter. And for years I’ve just descended into this nasty incapable mess. I don’t know how to get out. I don’t know how to be a functional member of society. My friends are tired of hearing this. I have very few close friends as a result. I get it. I wouldn’t want to be friends with me either. Please help I don’t want to live like this forever and I just need someone to hear this
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
How do I stop fucking myself over?
|
Hey guys so I’ve been making some really bad decisions in my life, on purpose. Like not super terrible life ending decisions, but decisions that I know will make me miserable later, namely starting a habit of not eating and making a character that I really don’t want to play because I didn’t want to say no (DnD is a big thing that I love in life and it also kinda tortures me because I’m in a big group, and groups of people were actually a huge part of my trauma). My new character starts tomorrow and it’ll almost definitely make DnD as bad as school is, but I keep telling myself I deserve the pain I’m going to feel and I really hope the pain I cause myself will push me to suicide (real suicide not just chickening out at the last minute). I don’t know if I can stop? This’ll probably get lost in new and nobody will care anyways so to the 2 people who see this, sorry for wasting your time.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"no"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"yes"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
[Question] have u ever screwed your finals in uni?
|
ok, i'm in my second year of med school student, so being a neird is an obligation to make it in finals. but here i'm procrastinating and day dreaming without any proper preparation for my final exam wich is the day after temorrow. tommorow i have to get to dorms wich will take me 5to 6hours and i can't study in taxi because i get sick when in car. i had two fucking weeks to study for my exams. every one who didn't study in the year now is fully prepared for the exams. but me? i fucked up, i could barelly read the book. i really don't know why i didn't study. my heart is beating so hard. i have depression and it's really hard to do anything even getting out of bed. but lately i wasn't in a low energy, like i was feeling i can work but when it's time to study, i'm daydreaming or on my computer. i really don't know what's the matter!!!!!! i feel like.....i should quit. but i have nowhere to go, i don't feel like going to uni, but i don't want to work, i don't want to do anything at all. i just want to quit life. i know i need to see a psychiatr but i don't have time and the school will not make an exeption for me. i need to know if any body can feel related to my story, did any medecal student go to the exam without studying?! please, i feel lost
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"yes"
]
] |
Friends,thanks for your help alot but today i will end my life
|
hi im 22 year old male,who his life right now is seriously fucked up,and the thing i keep fucking it and making it worse cause im so fucking dumb and retarded i wish i never existed to be honest,i mean instead of doing my homeworks and studying for my exam i spent hours and hours watching porn or using cat fish(pretending to be a female,see how much of aloser i am?) account so i can speak to people,nobody love me in real life,i always wonder how does it feel to be loved how does it feel to wake up knowing someone is thinking about you,im so much of a failure,i used to be that bright child who loved to help everyone,but that person died,and depression is fucking me every single night,he's making my life hell for me i can't fucking continue its too hard,i know that i am a coward,but i tried everything,YET I FAILED,Bye world
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Death Anxiety
|
Hey all. Sorry if this seems unhinged. I’m just gonna try to get it all out.
In the last month and a half, I’ve been having unwanted deep philosophical thoughts on how we perceive time, what the self is, and that we all die eventually. I’ve been diagnosed with depression since I was 16 when I first had these thoughts hit me in a big way and I’m 27 now. Zoloft has always helped, but I’ve been bad about my meds for the last year or so so I’m having a relapse, I get this. But the thing is, the stuff I’m worrying about feels so real. These aren’t “I’m bad,” or “no one loves me,” or “I want to hurt other people” thoughts. They’re on a deeper, simpler level. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being treated for depression when I’m actually just seeing the truths of existence clearer than a lot of other people else and that makes me feel hopeless that I’ll ever feel better. Like the system might not be equipped to help me. It makes me so sad.
The problem with my worries is that they’re real worries. I’m mainly concerned with “why do anything at all if we’re just animals who die.” I AM going to die. There probably ISNT a soul. I WILL eventually cease to exist. All the stuff I care about is just electricity and matter and chrmicals in the brain telling me I care about stuff. The “I” isnt even necessarily real, it’s just a collection of smaller parts. I know that the classic reddit atheist way of getting through this stuff is just saying life is what you make of it, but when really confronted by the seeming truth that the self will disappear when we die, I guess it just rings kind of hollow. Like, yes of course I love my girlfriend and our pets and my parents and my friends, and I love to make art and perform, I want to go to grad school and get married and have kids. And doing that stuff makes me feel great! But lately I’ve just been under this cloud of “none of this has purpose even if you pretend it does.” Like, I’ll feel great doing these things and then I’ll think “that was nice, but I’m going to forget that it happened and cease to exist eventually.” Ugh. The whole thing makes life feel unreal and dreamlike.
I’m scared to die. I want to be alive. I want my “self” to be connected to everything. I don’t want to fade away into nothing. I’ve tried spirituality and I will continue to because i think does help (more like a temporary fix though), but it’s based on so many opinions-masking-as-truths that my overactive brain just won’t stop picking it apart and reducing it whenever I try to participate.
I guess I’m sad that I’m stuck right now being a reductionist and a realist, and that my inner self seems to want to do this even though I know I’m much happier when I’m blissfully ignoring these kinds of questions. Now I get the sense that if I ever want out of this, I’ll have to think my way out but every time I try it seems to make it worse. I dig myself deeper into this pit by engaging with it.
I can feel myself enjoying music, art, video games, podcasts, books and movies less. They all feel like distractions, which I guess everyone kinda knows they are, but it just feels really clear and I wish it wasn’t.
If any of this sounds like you, and you’ve gotten past it, please let me know.
(Note: I switched up my meds and they do seem to be helping with stuff like anxiety attacks and suicidal ideation but the depression feels deeper than just a chemical imbalance)
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Goodbye.
|
Hello, I am a 15 year old Male and plan to stab myself in the stomach and chest. I cant do anything right and nobody likes me what so ever. I am ignored and nobody even acknowledges me. All the bad in life isnt worth the good in life. My own voice and mind being my own enemy no matter what I do, pointing out everything bad in a situation. Nothing matters in the end. I have tried to take my life before but this time I promise I'll be successful and I'll no longer be a burden on everyone. Nobody is responsible for this except for me. Thanks to all but let this be my final goodbye.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"no"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"no"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Skipped school to kill myself, didn't go through with it, what now? Please help me, anyone.
|
Hopefully this all makes sense, confused and tired right now, and I'm going to not go through and re-read anything like I usually do as I know I would probably just end up deleting this post, so hopefully this isn't too confusing. It'll also be long probably, sorry for the long read, but I need to at least get down all of what happened. Just need some advice/support, or whatever please, I'm not really sure what I need, like I said, I'm not in the best state of mind currently.
​
I've skipped school maybe 5-6 times this year when things were too much, as school is one of my biggest stressors and I don't even see the point sometimes, just to get a mental break. I've never done much on those days other than lie around, or maybe play some video games if I felt like it. These were the worst days for me, constant suicidal thoughts since my parents and brothers/sister wouldn't be home, either at school or work. These are the days that I kept toying with the idea, feeling safe (in a weird way, I know) that I could kill myself if I needed to. I haven't skipped for about a month or so, but all throughout yesterday I was thinking as I get closer and closer to graduation, there's a "time limit" of sorts on when I'm actually going to go through with it, as it gets closer and closer I feel more pressure that I "have" to do it, because I feel like I need to kill myself before I graduate high school, I'm not sure why. Today I woke up at 6:30, and as soon as I got up I was already battling with the idea of whether or not to go to school, and this thought stayed with me throughout breakfast, throughout my shower. I told my brother, who I normally walk to school with, that my alarm woke me up late and that he'd better walk to school ahead of me if he didn't want to be late, so he left. I literally did nothing for the next 30 minutes to an hour, literally felt nothing, just thinking about what I was going to do. Then after that I just went to my bed, and started researching for maybe 3-4 hours, methods, what to expect, etc. etc., all these things that I had been too scared to look up before. Found out the way I wanted to go, was literally about to go find the things I needed, but was so scared that I wanted to delay it somehow, even though I was still determined to go through with it. I told myself that I would set a timer for 30 minutes to sleep, and after that if I still wanted to kill myself, I'd do it after that. Well when I woke up, I felt a little different, a little more hopeful, I'm honestly not sure why, just hopeful enough to not kill myself today at least. Now I have to figure out what to do next. I had a math test today, an ap macro final, a small spanish presentation, and an anatomy quiz. It just seems so so so overwhelming, like I can't deal with it and I don't even know where to start, or what to say to the teachers, or if I can still take them, or what I tell my dad when the school calls today to tell him I wasn't there, or what to do about trying to manage this so I don't end up going through with my plan tomorrow, or the day after that, or next week.
I really, really, appreciate any help at all. Feeling really lost right now. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading if you managed to get this far.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"no"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"yes"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
Losing a Dream
|
I have always struggled with depression. I have constant feelings of not being good enough. Lack of self confidence. Life has been a rough road but it's made me who I am. Recently I thought I found my soulmate. She made me feel a feeling I never felt in my life. She gave me so much needed self confidence and I gave it to her as well. Life was on the up. Things were complicated with current relationships but we knew it was going to be tough and I was willing to give her the world and totally shake mine up for it. At some point something changed. Extreme feelings of happiness to guilt, settling, lack of confidence in the situation and shutting it out. Now I am left feeling not good enough. I knew in the back of my mind I wasn't going to be but was always told otherwise. It felt like the most amazing dream. It was shattered. I don't know why but now I am left feeling a shell of what was being built up. I feel used and betrayed. It has been extremely hard to open up about the situation. I am very private and so is she. I just feel completely devastated and being now totally cut off from even a friendship I feel like someone died and its all my fault. I opened my heart and mind and they are left in tatters. I just don't know how to go on. Any words of advise or personal experience would be so so very grateful. I feel completely lost.
|
[
[
"Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless",
"yes"
],
[
"Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy",
"yes"
],
[
"Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ",
"yes"
],
[
"Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual",
"yes"
],
[
"Poor-appetite-or-overeating",
"no"
],
[
"Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television",
"no"
],
[
"Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much",
"no"
]
] |
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