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had seen this sweet child as was people watching she had had her hand grasped around her mothers little finger.

Apparently, the little girl had loosened herself from her mothers hand and run over to me.

looked over and saw that her mother had chased after her.

Seeing her little girl with her arms around my neck, the mother asked me, Please bless my little girl and let her go.

did not know what language the child spoke, but said to her in English, Please go.

Your mother has lots of kisses for you, lots of hugs, lots of toys, and lots of sweets.

The child hung on to my neck and would not let go.

Again, the mother folded her palms together and pleaded with me in a very kindly tone, Please, sir, give her your blessing and let her go.

By this time, other people in the airport were beginning to notice.

They must have thought that knew this child, that perhaps she was related to me somehow.

Surely they thought there was some strong bond between us.

did not even know what language she spoke.

You and your mother have a plane to catch.

Your mother has all your toys and candy.

But the little girl would not budge.

She clung to me harder and harder.

The mother then very gently took the little girls hands off my neck and asked me to bless her.

You are a very good little girl, said.

Your mother loves you very much.

But still the little girl would not go.

Finally the mother carefully snatched her up.

The toddler was kicking and screaming.

She was trying to get loose and come back to me.

But this time the mother managed to carry her off to the plane.

The last saw of her she was still struggling to get loose and run back to me.

Maybe because of my robes, this little girl thought was a Santa Claus or some kind of fairytale figure.

Perhaps this little child felt this children are extremely sensitive in these ways, their psyches absorb whatever feelings are around them.

When you are angry, they feel those vibrations and when you are full of love and compassion, they feel that too.

This little girl may have been drawn to me by the feelings of loving friendliness she felt.

We have the capacity to act with loving friendliness.

We may not even know we have this quality in ourselves, but the power of loving friendliness is inside us all.

Loving friendliness is one of the four sublime states defined by the Buddha, along with compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.

All four states are interrelated we cannot develop one without the other.

One way to understand them is to think of different stages of parenthood.

When a young woman finds out she is going to have a child, she feels a tremendous outpouring of love for the baby she will bear.

She will do everything she can to protect the infant growing inside her.

She will make every effort to make sure the baby is well and healthy.

Like metta, the feeling a new mother has for her infant is limitless and all-embracing and, like metta, it does not depend on actions or behavior of the one receiving our thoughts of loving friendliness.

As the infant grows older and starts to explore his world, the parents develop compassion.

Every time the child scrapes his knee, falls down, or bumps his head, the parent feels the childs pain.

Some parents even say that when their child feels pain, it is as if they themselves were being hurt.

Compassion leads us to appropriate action and the appropriate, compassionate action is just the pure, heartfelt hope that the pain stop and the child not suffer.

As time passes, the child heads off to school.

Parents watch as the youngster makes friends, does well in school, sports, and other activities.

Maybe the child does well on a spelling test, makes the baseball team, or gets elected class president.

Thinking of how we would feel for our own child, we can feel this for others.

Even when we think of others whose success exceeds our own, we can appreciate their achievement and rejoice in their happiness.

To continue in our example Eventually, after many years, the child grows up.

He finishes school and goes out on his own perhaps he marries and starts a family.

Now it is time for the parents to practice equanimity.

Clearly, what the parents feel for the child is not indifference.

It is an appreciation that they have done all that they could do for the child.

Of course the parents continue caring for and respecting their child, but they do so with awareness that they no longer steer the outcome of their childs life.

The ultimate goal of our practice of meditation is the cultivation of these four sublime states of loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.

The word metta comes from another Pali word, mitra, which means friend.

That is why prefer to use the phrase loving friendliness as a translation of metta, rather than loving kindness.

The Sanskrit word mitra also refers to the sun at the center of our solar system that makes all life possible.

Just as the suns rays provide energy for all living things, the warmth and radiance of metta flows in the heart of all living beings.

Different objects reflect the suns energy differently.

Similarly, people differ in their ability to express loving friendliness.

Some people seem naturally warmhearted, while others are more reserved and reluctant to open their hearts.

Some people struggle to cultivate metta others cultivate it without difficulty.

But there is no one who is totally devoid of loving friendliness.

We are all born with the instinct for metta.

We can see it even in young babies who smile readily at the sight of another human face, any human face at all.

Sadly, many people have no idea how much loving friendliness they have.

Their innate capacity for loving friendliness may be buried under a heap of hatred, anger, and resentment accumulated through a lifetimeperhaps many lifetimesof unwholesome thoughts and actions.

But all of us can cultivate our heart, no matter what.

We can nourish the seeds of loving friendliness until the force of loving friendliness blossoms in all our endeavors.

In the Buddhas time, there was a man named Angulimala this man was, to use the language of today, a serial killer, a mass murderer.

He was so wretched that he wore around his neck a garland of fingers taken from the people he had slaughtered, and he planned to make the Buddha his thousandth victim.

In spite of Angulimalas reputation and his gruesome appearance, the Buddha nonetheless could see his capacity for loving friendliness.

As a result of the Buddhas teaching, Angulimala threw away his sword and surrendered to the Buddha, joining the followers of the Buddha and becoming ordained.

As it turned out, Angulimala started his vicious killing spree many years earlier because a man whom Angulimala regarded as his teacher had directed him to do so.

As soon as he became a monk, his true nature was revealed, and not long after his ordination, he became enlightened.

The story of Angulimala shows us that sometimes people can appear very cruel and wicked, yet we must realize they are not that way by nature.

Circumstances in their lives make them act in unwholesome ways.

In Angulimalas case, he became a murderer because of his devotion to his teacher.

For every one of us, not just violent criminals, there are countless causes and conditionsboth wholesome and unwholesomethat make us act as we do.

In addition to the meditation offered earlier in this book, Id like to offer another way to practice loving friendliness.

Again, you start out in this meditation by banishing thoughts of self-hatred and condemnation.

At the beginning of a meditation session, say the following sentences to yourself.

And again, really feel the intention May my mind be filled with the thoughts of loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.

May all that see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and think help me to cultivate loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.

May all these experiences help me to cultivate thoughts of generosity and gentleness.

May they all help me to relax.

May they help me be free from fear, tension, anxiety, worry, and restlessness.

When we cultivate loving friendliness in ourselves, we learn to see that others have this kind, gentle naturehowever well hidden it might be.

Sometimes we have to dig very deep to find it, other times it might be nearer to the surface.

The Buddha told the story of a monk who finds a filthy piece of cloth on the road.

The rag is so nasty, at first the monk does not even want to touch it.

He kicks it with his foot to knock off some of the dirt.

Disgusted, he gingerly picks it up with two fingers, holding it away from himself with contempt.

Yet even as the monk does this, he sees potential in that scrap of dirty cloth, and takes it home and washes itover and over and over.

Eventually, the wash water runs clean, and from underneath the filth and grime, a useful piece of material is revealed.

The monk sees that he can, if he collects enough pieces, he could, perhaps, make this rag into part of a robe.

Likewise, because of a persons nasty words, that person may seem totally worthless it may be impossible to see that persons potential for loving friendliness.

But this is where the practice of Skillful Effort comes in.

Underneath such a persons rough exterior, you may find the warm, radiant jewel that is the persons true nature.

person may use very harsh words for others, yet sometimes still act with compassion and kindness.