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I'm honestly angry that I'm still alive, why cant I just fucking die already? Life is nothing but endless suffering anyway, theres no point in living. | I feel you.
I know you wont listen to any words of encuragement, cuz I wouldnt have when I was feeling like that. But I know what youre going through, and I might help you. Maybe not, but if you wanna die, why not try before you go?
If I can tell you one thing, its to try to accept yourself. Self love is a step above, so keep that as the step after. Relise that youre not worthless, nor a piece of shit, youre just someone going through a bad time. Its hard to see that when your brain is fucked up, I know. Thats why Im telling you this. Youre also probably at rock bottom cuz it feels like you cant get hurt anymore. Hopefully, one day youll jump off of it, and open yourself.
Things can change. They dont have to, but they can. So try to change things. The way you think, where you are, people you hang out with, anything. One of them will help.
I just wish you good luck with it. |
They originally belonged to my grandpa; I'm not a hunter but we used to go out target shooting and I was a pretty good marksman. When he died, he left me two of his old rifles. They've mostly sat locked in my closet ever since, worth a lot of money but unable to let go of them, partly out of sentimentality, but I'd come to realize that I also felt compelled to keep them around for more troubling reasons.
My depression has been lifelong and I've had varying degrees of success fighting it; recently things have been okay but I've had a nightmare of a time with intrusive thoughts. Impulses to do things I don't even want to do would pop in to my head at the worst times and I would fixate on the details of the aftermath until I would bring myself either to tears or to panic.
"What if I just went up there and did it? Would my wife be better off in the long run? Would the friends I haven't spoken to in years show up?"
This is shit I do not need running through my mind.
Two years ago I was feeling better. I was finally getting serious about art and photography again; I actually started selling prints and even had a little space in a local gallery for my work. Then the grey returned, and I started seeing less and less worth going out to see... Then the darkness came back and I became convinced that those things I used to see and enjoy were gone now and nothing good was on the horizon.
So, last week, I made a decision. Packed up the guns, all the ammo I had left, and drove to the sporting goods store.
I got $2200 cash for the pair of guns, and on the way home I stopped by Best Buy and bought myself a Fujifilm X-T3 for just around $2000.
Later that evening, the intrusive thoughts returned as I tried to think about dinner...
"What if I just went up there and--"
Then it cut off. The pressure was gone. Went up there and what? Grabbed the camera I've always wanted and started taking pictures?
I did. I cursed the cold, bundled up, grabbed my new gear, and lost myself in the woods, taking pictures of snowflakes and a family of deer that happened to wander though.
I've been shooting the camera for the last week and I can't put it down. I feel something; I'm really fucking good at this and I'm motivated to do it. My worst impulses have been stopped in their tracks and replaced by the desire to improve and surprise myself.
It's always going to be a struggle for me and I know that, but I feel free in a way that I never really expected.
-=-=-
(also posted in /r/getting_over_it, if it's not allowed to post in two subs, let me know and I'll delete.) | Congratulations Op, you did something really great for yourself! |
Information in class is difficult to obtain. As I’m usually having anxiety attacks and trying to talk myself down. If not that I’m just mindlessly taking notes. Not really focused on what my professor is saying. When I look at a question it makes my head hurt. Literally. I just want to put crumble the paper, shut my laptop screen, and lie down. As a matter of fact I don’t want to do anything but stay in my room. It has a full bathroom attached so my favorite thing to do is shower and watch Netflix. I do have a few friends so they randomly come in and out. But I have no desire to be sociable. I’m a shit friend. Now I’m rambling. Help
Edit: Thank you for everyone that actually replied. Means a lot to me :,) I’ll try to reply to everyone ASAP | Yes, it makes my brain foggy. Sometimes I just sit there dumbly looking at my piece of paper and thinking 'why the fuck am I even bothering?' |
u guys ever get the urge to just completely destroy everything around, i want to be addicted, i want to have no friends or family, i want to be someone that disgusts people by just existing, i want to drop out of school, idek why i have these urges but i dont want my life together (not like it is now) | Hello self deprecating thoughts my old friend |
So it's been like that for 5 years, and I've been telling myself over, and over again that it would get better with time, but I dont think anymore that it will, nor do I know if I'd actually want it to be better. The whole covid thing made it way harder to distract myself as much as I did before, which made me realise how my life really looked like. Is there really a point in living a life, in which I only look to the things that happened in the past, and ignore the present day as well as the future? Is this really what my life have become? | To be honest... I think there is no general purpose to life. I constantly seem to look at my past and present and find nothing that motivates me to do anything anymore. I've tried to find the beauty in things, tried to make meaningful social interactions, tried to help others, but... I never feel like it's enough. Maybe it's because humans are selfish creatures and we are used and use each other? Idk, but my temporary solution was to set a time limit as if I were to die in 5 years and create a bucket list and try to do everything on it before the timer ends. |
In my hardest moments of depression, the thought monster convinces me that I'm worthless but that other people still have worth. I also happen to be convinced that people are either lucky or unlucky and that there's really nothing we have any real control over. Because of this, I can even see the people who do the most atrocious things as forgivable. But with myself, nothing is good enough. Every decision I make seems to be not good enough, not worth enough to justify ongoing existence.
Are there any things you do that work to remind yourself that thoughts do not necessarily equal truth? | yes i also think that the dumbest things others do are things i would easily end up doing in their place |
Is anyone else “casually suicidal”? Like, you’re perfectly okay with the idea of dying and it’s just an average lingering thought part of your daily thought process. It’s more like thinking of ways to kill yourself rather than actually acting on them. | yeah, I don't actually plan on killing myself any time soon, but whenever something goes wrong I have this thought of basically 'or you could just kill yourself' |
I'm 20 Female from the Philippines.
My Cousin attempted to raped me last month.
My Dad knew about it and kick him out of the house, But now my cousin is back and welcomed by my Dad with open arms.
They expect me to just forget about what happened just get on with life.
I can't sleep, I can barely eat, past rape trauma flooding my mind like a storm. How can I forget, how can I forget that easily when everyday I feel scared and disgusted about myself.
My Dad doesn't really care about me, He doesn't gave me allowance or support me in school. Can't even buy me clothes or other things I need all are hand me downs.
My phone recently broke it's a hand me down from my aunt 4 yrs ago, I tried to get it fixed but I was told by the technician that it's better the I buy a new one.
Asked my Dad if he could buy me one he scolded telling me how clumsy I am, ungrateful and doesn't settle on what was given to me, he even goes on to hit me.
I suffered a black eye but other than bruises I'm good.
I'm doing my best to get to college and get a scholarship but with recent events it's getting harder and harder I can barely catch up with my online studies, because I need to ration the remaining allowance I have from being a part time Make up artist. And also I'm dealing with my trauma, depression and Anxiety.
I'm really really tired. I'm gonna be ending my life tonight when they go on vacation I will be left alone to watch over the house, so it's the perfect time. Thank you for reading my post and I hope you guys will have a good life than me. Bye.
Update:
Hello everyone. I don't know if everybody will receive a notification about this but I decided to not do it, A very kind person made me think otherwise. I promise to finish my studies and be a teacher and help children in need. It may not be now but someday I will pay all your kindness forward, Thank you so much for giving me these kind words to keep going. I love y'all! | Hello everyone. I don't know if everybody will receive a notification about this but I decided to not do it, A very kind person made me think otherwise. I promise to finish my studies and be a teacher and help children in need. It may not be now but someday I will pay all your kindness forward, Thank you so much for giving me these kind words to keep going. I love y'all! |
Every day just goes by, no time to rest. It's like after work I'm even more of an empty husk of a person. I just sit in my room trying to get enough energy to at least do some chores, but I can't. I'm so fucking tired thinking that this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. How can anyone find such a life worth living?
Eta: Thank you to everyone who replied and sympathized <3 Felt better to know other people can relate. | It’s a mystery to me how. But maybe non depressed people got more energy to do chores outside of work and that shit motivates them or something like that |
I'm constantly worried about her, I'm spending every minute with her making sure I keep my eye on her and make her smile.
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She keeps saying that she's a burden on me and that I shouldn't even be with her, she's tried to harm herself multiple times, and I was there to stop her.
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Please tell me if there's anything I can do to make her life better, I feel like what I do is never enough and I am willing to do anything...
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we've been together for a year now... | Honestly just look after yourself. You're obviously doing the best you can but you're going to burn out if you keep giving all of your energy to her. Its lovely that you care so much but chronic depressives will always have good days and bad days, dont blame yourself for her mental health. |
Call me lazy but I don't want to work 40+ hours a week for the rest of my life.
I'm ugly I've got bad social anxiety. I don't want to keep putting effort into my appearance and personality just to keep getting rejected.
I don't want kids. I don't want to bring another person into this shitty world.
What am I meant to do for the rest of my life. Pick up hobbies only to get board of them after a few months. Consume endless amount of media and advertisement. Keep up with the Joneses.
Nah I'm good. I've experienced enough of life. I know it won't get better. I'm done. | >I don't want kids. I don't want to bring another person into this shitty world.
Good choice. ✌ |
Fuck seasonal depression, temporary depression, clinical depression, crippling depression, chronic depression, fuck all of the depression that exists in this world.
Having a hard day today I’m sorry. | You forgot my favorite: treatment-resistant depression. I've spent 30+ years dealing with this shit and accepted that it, and anxiety, will always be there.
I hope things improve for you today, OP |
I’m only suicidal if I have a job. No matter the job. Having to work is what makes me want to die. Doesn’t even matter what job it is. Everything could go perfectly and I’ll still want to die. Not joking. Being dead serious. No one gets it. “We’re meant to work!” “I would be so bored without a job!” Nope. Not me. Having to work literally makes me want to kill myself. | We are definitely NOT MEANT TO WORK. Maybe work as in like gardening, building to survive, art, cooking, that kind of thing. But work for nothing just so someone else can be rich? I don’t fucking understand it. And then to even try to escape that loop hole, you got very few options.
Even now, I only work 4 hours a day. I’m having sleep problems because as soon as I get home from work, I will literally stay awake until I can’t stay up any longer. I fight sleep because I know when I wake up, it’ll be time to go back to work. |
Im already past my mid 20s and for about 8 years my parents had to deal with me. An adult with low functioning depression. They love me enough to keep me by their side and make sure they don't irritate me, but I havnt gotten better since. My self image is so horrible that dying seems like it would just bring peace to my unworthy life. But I feel so bad for my parents. I couldn't imagine having to watch their own daughter struggling to find joy in life. And Im not resilient enough to hide it from them. They have seen the raw part of my suffering and I feel so so terrible. They don't deserve me. My depression ruined my family and their mental health.. Why couldn't I be a normal person. A normal daughter who could show gratitude and respect for what they have done for my life. But I can't care about my life anymore.. I don't know how to drag on a life thats not meant to exist in the first place. | In Buddhism, there's the parable of the second arrow. The idea is a warrior gets shot by arrow while in battle. In addition to the debilitating pain he's having to deal with, he begins to lament how unlucky he was to get shot and how it might impact his future as a warrior. The pain of his thoughts become greater than the pain of the arrow. This self-induced pain is referred to as the second arrow.
As the parent of a son who has dealt with serious mental illness including serious depression, on our best days we understood that our son is suffering from an illness, not by choice, that affects his thoughts, emotions and behavior. On our worst days, we were sometimes the second arrow.
I say all of that to say your are dealing with a serious illness, your first arrow. Your worry about your parents could become a second arrow. It comes from the love and care you have for them, which is admirable. But, let that be a source of strength rather than a second arrow, Your parents will be ok. |
Just a few words misconstrued, a glare from a stranger, a self-critical thought out of nowhere. I was okay earlier, feeling optimistic. Now I’m feeling utterly depressed again and don’t want to go on. I hate this so much. | I totally feel you, sometimes nothing even happens and our mood just takes a turn for the worst |
Hey, guys. I’ve been a long time lurker here but never actually posted. I don’t think I’m even looking for advice, just wanted to tell somebody what’s going on because my agoraphobia has gotten to the point where I’m literally too scared to speak to my family or friends.
Right now I’m charging my phone in my car before I voluntarily commit myself to a hospital in Florida where I live. It’s gotten to the point that im so depressed and exhausted that I literally can’t do anything. I can’t take care of myself. I can’t even make myself eat three meals a day much less one. I can’t make myself shower daily. The only time I fully wake myself up out of sleep is to go to work where I drag my feet for eight hours until I can clock out and sleep some more. I can’t take care of my child, when I’m off work I either put on kids shows on tv for him or leave him with the babysitter because she can take better care of him than I. I can’t take care of my husband, he’s tired of me being barely a person. Please just wish me luck and cross your fingers that this helps me. Love you all. | I am sending you all the best wishes. You are so strong to do this. It may not feel like it, but it is probably one of the bravest things one can do. |
I've been told have this or that personality trait but all I see in myself is emptiness. | I told my therapist that I don’t believe I’ll ever get better. She asked me what I thought that might look like if I did though. I didn’t have an answer. I can’t envision anything that would make me happy or imagine what that might feel like. |
I work out and I see zero benefits when it comes to my depression. If anything, working out makes me feel more exhausted and drained. I dread working out, but I still do it because I love being firm and toned, but no matter what type of exercise I do, my depression doesn't go away. AT ALL.
I am angry at people who claim that depression can be cured with exercise. That is NOT real depression | Staying under sunlight just makes my head warm and doesn't produce good "sunny" feelings, all i feel is regular boring sunny day. |
I'm so tired mentally and physically but no one seems to understand, i don't know how to show what i'm really feeling but everyday feels like i'm suffocating.
Everyone keeps telling me it will be better soon but i don't believe that, i'm tired and i've tried every way of help available to me but nothing helps.
I don't want to be put to some institution but i don't know what else to do anymore, i don't want to live everyday of my life waiting for it to get better and trying my hardest not to just lay in bed all the time.
I'm only 17 and i feel hopeless and tired, no one really understands how i actually feel, it feels like my head is being held under water or something everyday.
I don't know what to do, i need help but i've tried like everything i've been told to by doctors and stuff, i know it doesn't happen overnight but i've been struggling with depression since i was 13 and it only has gotten worse.
Edit: I wanted to thank everyone for kind and sweet words, your stories and suggestions of how to make myself feel better is very appreciated.
You guys have given me hope that i can continue even if it gets hard sometimes, now i know there are people that care and i'm not alone.
I have decided to continue and try my best to get better<3 | I’ve been depressed since I was 13, maybe younger, I’m 27 now and only started getting help for it this year. For me, it’s really difficult when my depression is at its worst to picture an end to it, even though I’m not in the pits 24/7.
Something that really worked for me when I was younger was finding something ridiculously small that matters only to me. The next episode of my favourite anime, the next song by my favourite singer, the next comic in my favourite series, literally anything at all that might mean nothing to anyone else but I could find a little bit of joy in at the moment. I found it better to hang on to things like this than my own future or other people, because when you’re that depressed I think it’s easy to feel as though other people (and yourself!) don’t matter, won’t be missed, etc. Picking something that matters to you gives you a little something to look forward to, regardless of how you’re feeling about yourself or anyone else.
Something that has helped me more recently is someone on here described depression as waves to me and I thought that described it perfectly. Where you’re feeling right now, you’re at or near to the crest of the wave. The obvious downside is how overwhelming and isolating it can be. A huge upside though is that it’s not permanent. If you can ride it out a bit longer, you’ll reach calmer waters soon enough. “A bit longer” sounds impossible when you’re feeling this way, but sometimes it’s not as long as you think. If you can, find a film/game/art or clay project to distract yourself while you get through the worst. If you find yourself at the point of planning to end your life, do yourself the favour of planning it for in a few weeks’ time. Don’t do anything permanent this week, and definitely don’t do anything permanent today. You’ve got the rest of your life to choose to if you want to, but if you make that decision today while your mind is not as clear as it normally is - it’s irreversible. You don’t get the rest of your life to undo it. I know you know that, but just take a second to think about anything you’ve ever wanted (you mentioned horse riding?) and hang on to that.
Those of us with depression will never be 100% but 70%, 80%, 90% okay is well within our reach if we can surf the waves just a bit longer. I’ve been where you are so many times and I know how much it hurts. I really hope you feel better soon xx |
I visited with a friend for a few hours, it was fine, nothing bad happened, we chatted and ate lunch at a restaurant. When I got home I was met with this horrible wave of sadness and hopelessness, I just want to curl into a ball and disappear. There was nothing stressful or difficult about this visit but my brain is acting like something horrible happened. What the heck is wrong with me? I'm trying to get my social life back on track after covid, but this keeps happening. | I get this too. it's like during socializing I'm keeping myself in the regular person mode but as soon as my mind gets a chance to relax I immediately feel everything inside me drop. try to keep reminding yourself that you will be ok, don't try to block out the feeling but don't dwell on it any longer than you have to. it gets easier |
I (34f) literally have not left my bed in a month other than to go to the bathroom or get food from the kitchen. I order groceries from Instacart and shop on amazon if I need something. I haven’t showered (I hate the idea of water touching my body) but I have done basic hygiene daily.
I don’t sleep all day, in fact I’m usually up by 8, but I’ll spend my days reading(multiple books a day) , or watching tv on my iPad.
I avoid calls and texts as much as I can, I just have no desire to interact, but I do respond occasionally.
I’m unemployed and live alone so I have no need to go anywhere or talk to someone during the day.
I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, OCD, excoriation (skin picking) and I take meds daily.
I’m not sure if I’m looking for help and advice or if I just needed to share with someone what I’m going through. But if anyone has advice, tips to help motivate me or even gone through something similar themselves, I would love to know. (Please be kind) | Small steps work best. You have maybe thought about how your perfect or most ideal day should look like. Try and take one activity from that idea and try it out. Don’t like it after trying it? No worries, skip it the next day and try something else.
It’s great that you continue taking your meds. That’s already part of your good routine. See if you can do a tiny task more to help your good routine.
Are you eating in bed? Maybe try eating one meal outside your bed. Change it up to the sofa, or maybe even a dinner table? It’s up to you. Small steps.
Watching tv on your ipad, is there a possibility to watch tv in the livingroom? It can get you out of bed but into another comfortable situation. Small steps.
Don’t try and change your life all at once with huge steps. It can easily get overwhelming and that will not get you out of bed. |
Nobody admits it but it's true. "*Time heals all wounds*". Year after year you just get numb, it gets easier to muster but its different. I have improved, become more numb to all of it. There's no hope with this sickness. | Yup. I’ve spent decades chasing the idea that I can “get better” but I’ve recently come to believe that it simply won’t happen; there’s too much trauma and grief and those things don’t just go away. I’ve found that fighting against it and desperately holding on to the idea of going ‘back’ to the person you were before, is a fools errand; it causes more stress and ‘friction’ in life. Now I’ve begun to just accept it and submit to it, and in some ways, things have improved.
I feel like we live in a society hell-bent on ‘fixing’ or ‘solving’ ‘problems’ because our society demands it; not for our own personal well-being but because it’s *really* inconvenient for other people and business. “Get better so you can get back to work” is the undercurrent of society
*Edit: Typos |
I am not miserable enough to end my life, but I am not happy enough to want to keep living. Anyone get that feeling? 😐 I’m just numb now | I think the numbness is a major part of depression for me |
How the fuck do people keep going to work every day? How am I supposed to keep doing this? I'm literally just working part time at a coffee shop but I feel as though I am in agony every day. It's all meaningless and worthless, we literally work a job so we can afford to live another day to work our job. I can't even begin to comprehend how anyone is happy. My family work so much more than I do, and I can tell they're stressed out, but they push through. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Fuck. Just fuck it all. I fucking hate being alive in this world
I appreciate all the replies, I don't really have it in me to respond individually, so I'll just say here, thanks for the good wishes and for sharing your own struggles. It's a shitty world, but it's what we got. I guess it's on us to make something of it. It's just that some of us (like me) are really really bad at doing that lmao | This world sucks |
And I know that sounds ridiculous but I’m honestly devastated. I'm not anything that a 25 year old is supposed to be. I'm not pretty or thin or fun. I'm not spontaneous, or sexy or uninhibited. I don't have any friends. I don't have a partner. I don't have anything except regrets. And I know I'm still young but it feels like it's too late for me to clean up the mess I've made of my life. I just...I don't know what to do. All I know is that these are supposed to be some of the best years of my life and I've spent every one of them hating myself and wishing I were different. And when I think about having to live another 25 years feeling the same way, I want to give up. | I turn 26 this month and could have written the post myself. Feel tired of existing |
I can’t even believe that this is it. My heart is pumping through my ears, it’s almost like I’m nervous but I’m ready. Me and my long term relationship broke up because I’m a toxic piece of shit and he would genuinely rather be dead than listen to what I have to say anymore. All my hobbies are dead, I have no friends, I hate school, and I don’t think I was supposed to be alive this long anyway.
I almost feel guilty, like I’m doing this for attention or something. Nobody is going to know, at least not for a couple days. I’m home alone, so it’s the perfect opportunity to do so without thinking about the consequences. My plan is to lay on the couch and hopefully OD while I’m sleeping so that whoever walks in (probably my older sister) doesn’t have to deal with the trauma of gore. I’m pretty sure I have a brain bleed or something going on in my skull from a nasty fall I took, so if that OD doesn’t work hopefully I just succumb to my injuries. I stole my mom’s opioids from her back injury a while ago and have been hiding them in the back of my closet.
I’m leaving my dog a lot of food and water just incase and a note saying that my mom can have him. He’d be happier with her anyway.
I just can’t believe this is my last day. I wish I would have done things differently. I wish I would have went to the mall one last time, or maybe the movies or something. I wish I would have gone to see my sister, and my mom, and tell my highschool bestfriend how much I miss her. I want my second oldest sister to know how much she ruined me as a person, and that this is 100000% her fault. I wish I got to eat my favorite food and watch my favorite TV show one last time. God, I wish I could convey to my dog how much I love him. I wish he could know that if I wanted my last breaths on earth to be with anyone, I would want it to be with him by my side. That I’m sorry I’m so selfish that I won’t be there by his side when it’s time to experience his.
No more fuck ups, no more being miserable and pathetic and a joke. No more never shutting up and making people hate the sound of my voice. No more not being pretty enough, or skinny enough, or sexy enough, or smart enough. Just eternal peace. I’m nervous but it’s time and it’s been time for a while.
Good luck to you, Reddit. | >I just can’t believe this is my last day. I wish I would have done things differently. I wish I would have went to the mall one last time, or maybe the movies or something.
do one of those things right now, the call of the void is always happy to wait until tomorrow |
All I fantasize about is being able to redo my entire life. I dream about waking up and being 10 again, and just being able to do it all over again. But the reality is that will never happen, and it hurts coming to terms with that. I hate everything, I just wanna start over and fix my regrets. | I have nothing to add but to say you are not alone in thinking this |
Yeah I’m done. She told me to go get help and figure it out myself. No real compassion at all from her at all. I really hate being a man. I know what I must do now. | Hey mate, that is terrible. Just a silly question though. If you're sold on suicide already, why not try something new before? Since you can always fall back to your old idea.
If your wife is not being supportive, maybe you could try something different. Since the alternative seems to be suicide, anyway... |
I used to self sabotage and act rather callously. I still do somewhat, although I’ve become more mindful. When I used to feel depressed I felt like I had a reason. Like my anxiety. Or the fact that I drank too much last night. Or that I was self deprecating all day. Or because I spoke/acted on impulse and suffered the consequences. While I still have very bad anxiety, my medication has started effectively dampening it. I’ve also started having fewer ideations in general, and I’ve been trying my hardest for the first time in my life to help myself get better. I stopped drinking almost completely (I sometimes have one/month), when my friends do illicit activities I opt out, I’ve taken away specific triggers, I’ve found a way to hold myself to a flexible eating schedule. But I’m noticing that by doing all of these “good” things I am starting to feel worse, because despite everything I am still depressed. I cannot stand in a single place doing nothing without feeling it. I can’t go to work without feeling it. I can’t have a day off without feeling it. And it’s causing some of the worst thoughts to start coming back, except this time I don’t have a crutch, and I still don’t have any motivation or hope for the future. Is there anybody here who has gotten better after trying to reroute their life? Is it possible? | Keep going. The first period is the worse cause you think “I did all those sacrifices, got rid of my crutches for what? I still feel like before”.
But in the long run it will get easier.
Better not to indulge in those crutches again, if possible. |
I’m a psychologist and depressed. I feel so bad for my clients. I have to go to work because how else am I supposed to afford life? I have no enthusiasm or energy for therapy and have been a horrible cheerleader. I went into this field to help others not feel the way I’ve felt, but it all seems hopeless.
EDIT: Thank you to everyone who posted. I just met with two clients and feel like I really helped both of them. I almost called in sick today but coming in was the best thing for me to do! I think sometimes I have an unrealistic view of my work. Like I’m supposed to say the right thing every moment and magically make suffering go away. But small changes are big eventually. | So brave of you to admit this in the first place |
My friend who has severe depression has been ignoring my messages for half a year. I sent him messages about once or twice per month. Sometimes I asked him if he is feeling OK, sometimes I shared the funny picture of my pet. I also shared with him some news that he might be interested in. I also told him it is OK if he just doesn't want to reply, I will be here whenever he wants to talk or needs any help. However, he never replied. Last month, I went to his city and asked him if he wants to hang out and he still didn't reply. I know he is alive but just didn't reply my messages. Is this really because of depression or he just don't want to be my friend anymore? Did I do anything wrong? | Yes,it makes you want to isolate from everyone and you loose interest in all the things you used to enjoy.You feel sad and have no drive. |
I think I'm gonna end it all in an hour or so. I already wrote a latter to all my friends and family, I think I'm actually gonna do it instead of going at work. I'm scared of failing to do so.
edit: I am still here, I actually was planning on doing it on my way to work, but while talking about it with some of you I got to work without doing it and I'm feeling better.
I will seek help and try to live longer, thanks to everyone, sorry for making you worry
edit 2: to anyone who thinks I did this for attention, I'm so sorry you think that, but I have friends and family, I just don't feel comfortable opening up about any of this with them, it's easier to do so here, even if it feels silly.
edit 3: thanks for all the kind comments, I read all of them, if I don't reply to some it's because I'm at work, but I see you all and I appreciate it a lot | If you're looking for a sign from something or someone in the universe, I just want you to know that this is the sign. Don't. Give yourself another day. I can't say I know what your situation is, and I won't pretend to understand, but all I can truly say is just don't. |
Went to the dentist today for the normal checkup, I have 14 fucking cavities. I’m so tired of this shit. It’s so hard for me to take care of hygiene. Dental or not- i went all of last week without showering which I KNOW is disgusting. All I want to do is sleep, I’m tired of existing. I was sitting in the fucking dentist chair and going off about how I want to kill myself. People think I use depression as an excuse. I don’t. I can’t. I’m literally having a breakdown rn. | I keep my toothbrush and toothpaste on my bedside table. Along with water bottles and a cup I can spit in. A gentle suggestion |
Nothing or anyone excites you anymore. Not one single person can turn you on. Music doesn’t mean anything at all. Food is all the same and places don’t make a difference. Too lazy to speak and too lazy to explain things. Your room starts to feel like a jail cell. You start to notice the same things happening over and over each year. Things will never be the same… things will never change for you without some serious effort towards personal growth… I’m starting to give up on standards and expectations. I’m just floating before I drown. | That’s a good description of how I have felt at one time. Most people will never understand that void in our hearts feeling almost joyless and empty. |
I actually feel like I'm going insane
Every single fucking day I lose more and more of myself.
It's been 6 months since I lost the one I love
I've lost all my friends
I have nothing
I feel dead and I'm not even dead
I wish I died at birth
I wish I was never born | You brought together a community through a funny war. You turned us from a group of schizophrenic people, to a united group that brings joy to everyone. You are the reason I love r/titanfall. If you can do all of this, you can absolutely get over this. We believe in you |
I've never been completely happy . From the time of consciousness, I've never been happy. As a matter of fact I've always been sad. Internally lonely. Delusioned. No mental peace.
Each year as I got older, my depression would reach certain heights. Get more extreme.
Around 19 years old, one morning, I woke up and decided I wanted to die. I chugged bunches of sleeping pills and some liquor I found in the kitchen cabinet. I then went back to sleep. I would've succeeded, honestly. My grandma and mom came back from the grocery store . My grandma had somehow made it into my room and accosted me into the bathroom tub . Threw me into some cold water.
I threw up a bunch. That was the second time I had committed suicide.
I'm 25 and it's not better. I have moments where I burst in tears. I also realized I'm truly alone. When you're a teenager, you attend school by force. You get to still have some interaction amongst people. Though when you get older, its not like that at all. You can go days and months without speaking to anyone and anyone speaking to you. People can ignore you. Not read your text. People can reject you. As you get older. So reaching out for help can absolutely be useless.
I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm kinda tired of it. Trying to find something to pull me out of my mental issues. They never last long. How can someone spend their entire life trying to convince themselves that they should keep living ? How do you convince someone of such a thing and continue to do it over and over and over again. Isn't it a tiresome thought. Who in all sanity should have to make themselves feel like life is worth it?
That's a sick existence. | im in the same boat bro but close to 30.. idk how much longer i can keep going |
Hi all so I switched anxiety meds a month back and dropped 40 pounds! Plus exercise I was really starting to gain body confidence.
Well im at work rn I've just been informed by a old coworker who really cares alot about me, older lady real sweet.that it's being spread around that I'm on crack now, and i shouldnt be doing that. I was like HUH!? I've confirmed with like 5 other ppl that this is what's being said about me..
I tried explaining best I could without giving away medical info cause I shouldn't need to and that i wasnt on drugs. But apparently folks that knew me when I was big have attributed my sudden weight loss to crack addiction and its spread around now..
Wtf man. Why are ppl like this, I got ppl that I've known since 9yo that recently ive noticed won't even come near me at work now (grocery store) and i find out its cause they think I'm some kinda tweaker now and that shit really hurts..
Has anyone else had this happen to them? And hope yall are having a better day than I am 🙂 | No amount of convincing will get them to stop thinking you’re on crack, it’s really difficult dealing with mob mentality.
Might as well just focus on yourself instead of trying to convince others lol |
I’m likely to be put in an inpatient ward next week but no one would expect it. I maintain my hygiene, I eat normally, and I hold down a 40hr a week in-office job. I have a roommate. By all accounts, I’m well adjusted and a ‘functioning’ member of society.
I’m so suicidal it’s crushing. I attempted to start therapy but have been told I am required to do a mental eval before they can consider me as I’m high risk, and they will be checking back into assure I do or I’ll be involuntarily taken in. So… yeah. It feels like everyone will say I’m faking it just because I can manage to do what’s expected rather than laying in bed and rotting (despite how badly I want to).
Anyone else deal with this? Or am I just fucked? | Yeah and it sucks. I'm the same as you, working and "functional", but I feel so sad, unmotivated, exhausted, and hopeless all the time. My suicidal ideation is chronic. I've tried for years (therapy, meds, working out, etc.) to get better in any way, but nothing really helps. People stop caring after a while. And any advice or help I look for doesn't seem to be applicable to me (chronic, functional depression). I'm just so tired. |
I am suffering too much to live, but loved just enough to stay.
I dont know at this point, basically a ranting and yelling into the void.
Probably no one would see this.
I just had a seizure caused from my anti depressants and anti psychotics. Bad day indeed. | I work in evictions, and this couldn't be more true. I feel like your title in and of itself is a complex socioeconomic issue that goes beyond the simple chemical reactions that cause depression. It's a fucked up world. |
im 18. ive been doing this for years since i stopped going to school due to an incident. i know its unhealthy and i know it might kill me one day, but i cant stop.
im always too tired to leave bed, so i end up staying in bed for around 20 hours each day. i havent left my house in almost 2 weeks, and when i leave my bed its to play on my computer. i shower when i can. just the bare minimum of taking care of myself. i dont remember the last time i brushed my teeth, though. it was sometime this year.
i might die if i keep doing this, but it doesn't really bother me. its getting so boring.
edit: I've read nearly every single reply i got here. i never had people give me genuine advice like this. everyones telling me to brush my teeth, and i will. one of my biggest fears is my teeth falling out anyways. i don't have much energy to respond to everyone, its a little overwhelming to be honest. i just needed to vent, and ill take the advice i got here and I'll see if i can contact my doctor soon. ive been unmedicated since this january so i hope she gets back to me soon. for those asking what games I've been playing, its mostly been borderlands 2 and 3 with some portal 2 sprinkled in :)
again, thanks for the comments, who knew so many people related to my little problem | I used to do this all the time too… now it’s only occasionally. I found that when I wake up, I have about a 30 minute window of time to motivate to shower, if I stay in bed too long, I’m stuck. So now, I get out of bed as fast as possible, shower, give myself a small reward, do something else productive, small reward… and just keep that pattern of only rewarding myself after productive things. It seems to work for me most of the time. Once a week, I give myself the option to lay around all day still, but now most of the time I don’t like how I feel at the end of the day after doing it so I don’t. Keep working on it, I hope you find what works for you soon. |
Subsets and Splits