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Edit: My highest rated comment is about prostitution |
Post: I stole a microwave from Walmart out of desperation |
Top Comment: I was coming here to say, how in the hell did you sneak out of Walmart with a microwave? Like that doesn’t fit down your pants mate. Receipt was a solid play. |
Post: I lied about completing a project in the 8th grade and passed anyway. |
Top Comment: Anyone else read the title as “passed away”? |
edit: guess most people lol. |
Post: I secretly changed our bed |
Top Comment: what if she found out, flipped the bed again and you are the one that hasn't realized yet. |
Post: My favourite thing working as a window washer was going through peoples private possessions. |
Top Comment: It's weird to me that people just let a random stranger into their house when they weren't there. I always thought of window washers as people who only wash the outside of big buildings. If it's someone's home why don't the people living there just wash the inside themselves? |
Post: I recorded a porno over my aunt’s wedding video |
Top Comment: It’s like a Tarantino movie. First you see Cindy getting ready to start her new life and family. Then it cuts to future Cindy and shows all the things she has to do to make it in the corporate world. Getting that promotion is key...Darrel just lost his job and little Suzzie needs braces that aren’t covered by insurance. Then it cuts back to happier and simpler times, to show what she’s putting her boss’ dick in her mouth for. |
You made a god damned piece of art, my friend. |
Post: I yelled at my grandpa who is suffering from dementia, now it's the last memory he had of me |
Top Comment: He would have forgiven you. It's not just the one moment in life that counts its the whole life experiencethat counts, and you don't get to his age without realising that we all have ups and downs. Go easy on yourself kiddo, he clearly loved you and you love him and fuck anything else, don't let that get in the way. Please forgive yourself. |
Post: I used to go into random homes in my neighborhood when the occupants weren't home. |
Top Comment: I find it funny how you wanted to fuck with people but sort of respected their boundaries at the same time |
Post: I entered a strangers house to avoid a DUI |
Top Comment: The amount of luck here is staggering. |
Post: I asked an Asian guy for more Kimchi at a Korean barbecue. Turns out, he didn't work there, and I'm just racist. |
Top Comment: There, there. This will be one of those 3am brain-won’t-stop-replaying-my-worst-moments memories, so the next time you’re in this scenario, you’ll probably remember. |
Post: Indirectly Broke a dryer at a laundromat then gave a fake name and number to the owner |
Top Comment: That’s why he has insurance and unless you did it on purpose I don’t think he has any legal ground regardless. I don’t know though. Either way I sure as shit don’t blame you. |
Post: I sold fake drugs |
Top Comment: Sell them vitamin E pills, tell them exactly what it is, but emphasize the 'E' and wink at them. |
Told them the truth, can't get in trouble. If think you meant ecstacy that's on them! |
Post: I Almost strangled my mother to death when I was 15 |
Top Comment: You know what, stories like this always make me wonder why having mental illness or trouble is characterized as being weak. You went through so much. You pushed so hard. You're stronger than me and everyone else I know. Thank you for still being here today. |
Post: I used to steal coffee from Starbucks. |
Top Comment: I would think they’d catch on at some point |
Post: Sometimes I make it extra cold in my room at night so my boyfriend and cat snuggle extra close to me |
Top Comment: Except my wife will, inevitably, reach up under my shirt with her icicles that she calls fingers. I, unfortunately, am a furnace, so am always giving off radiant heat (even the cats seem to know). |
Those first few seconds of frosty touching. Brrrrrr! |
Post: I shoplifted over $6,000 worth of clothing in one stint. |
Top Comment: At first I was gonna make a joke like “did you take a single sock from supreme?” Or something when I saw the title |
Post: I stole thousands of dollars in change over 2 years working at McDonalds |
Top Comment: There's a girl working the cash register at chipotle that always shortchanges me and then acts stupid when I correct her. I think she's running the same racket as OP. |
Post: This is not /r/doingnicethingswhilenobodyislooking |
Top Comment: [deleted] |
Post: I sold my body |
Top Comment: There’s a woman at a self-help group I go to. Demure, very attractive, well put-together, classy. Whenever newer attendees get too down on themselves, she stands up and begins shares with her full name, “and I was a street-walking prostitute for half a decade. I sold everything I had until I had nothing left, I sold that, too. I forgot that I mattered, just like you forget you matter.” |
I respect her so much for it, and I see no reason why your story should be any different. |
Post: I went through my mom's room, stole her meth, and had my brother sell it so we could buy groceries. we . were never caught by my mom or the police. |
Top Comment: Caught? That would imply you did something wrong. I see nothing wrong here. Stay strong, stay tough, keep surviving. Wishing you the best. |
Post: Getting rich off all my neighbors’ laundry room use. |
Top Comment: [removed] |
Post: As a child, I copied a poem from a book and won first place in a poetry contest. |
Top Comment: As long as your not from pennsylvania were good. I came in second place in a poetry contest in my third grade. it can't be that... |
Post: I sabotaged my father's marriage because he cheated on my mother. |
Top Comment: Not at all. You were abused and made to feel horrible by these people. Nobody would blame you for not having remorse. |
Post: My first car ‘died’ from a cracked radiator. What my parents don’t know is that the crack was caused by my hitting another car that was parked in a parking lot. The other driver just let me go and I never told anyone. |
Top Comment: I'm telling mom |
Post: I accidentally killed my pet mouse last night and I can't get over it. |
Top Comment: I get it. The mouse was a bit of an asshole. But he was your asshole mouse. |
You didn't mean for this to happen. It was an accident, a reflex. You jumped as he bit you. |
This is no more your fault than tensing when someone yells "boo" at you and you are not expecting it. |
You need to forgive yourself. I am sure that the mouse had a lovely life whilst he was with you, and you did all you could when he was alive. He may have ended up with another family and not been so lucky. |
If you get more pets, you will be a great owner for them, as you will have learned a lesson here on being very gentle with smaller animals. |
Post: I unknowingly did cocaine in the 4th grade. I think I was 9. |
Top Comment: Where's the pressure point? |
Post: A year ago I relapsed on heroin and recovered. I never told my wife or kids. |
Top Comment: OP the cliche comes to mind it’s not a sin to fall down, but it is a sin to not get back up. You turned to a dangerous but familiar to you coping mechanism in an undoubtedly stressful time in your life (2 kids, bedridden wife, etc.), But you realized you were on a bad path and pulled yourself back. If anything I’d say it’s something to learn from and be proud of! |
EDIT: we’ll score 1 for cliches... my fist silver! Thank you friends! |