diff --git "a/rmhd.csv" "b/rmhd.csv" new file mode 100644--- /dev/null +++ "b/rmhd.csv" @@ -0,0 +1,29253 @@ +,text,title,target +0,"Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these shouldn't be standalone posts in the sub as they violate the ""role model"" rule, but are welcome here), or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, this is a place you can share. + +----- + +Our subreddit rules are located in the sidebar (you can also always access them at https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/about/rules) - since all of them exist for important safety reasons, we ask everyone here to read and follow them. Please click 'report' on any harmful content you see here - we always want to know and deal as soon as we can. + +We also have several wikis there for help with finding and giving support: + +https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/what_is_depression provides guidance about what is and isn't a depressive disorder, guidance on the complex nature of the illnesses that are usually grouped under the ""depression"" label, and redirect information for common off-topic issues. + +https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/giving_help offers information on the nature and value of peer support for mental-health issues in general, and lots of guidance for learning what is -- and isn't -- usually helpful in giving peer support. + +YSK that the types of rule violations that we most frequently see interfering with people getting safe and relevant support here are: + +- People breaking the private contact rule. You should never trust anyone who tries to get you into a private conversation in response to a post here. See https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/private_contact + +- ""I'm here to help"" posts. This shows that you don't understand the most basic principles of peer support, especially selectivity. The ""giving help"" wiki explains more about this. + +- Role modelling, i.e. ""achievement"" or ""advice"" posts. This is an expert-free zone -- that's what peer support means (rule 5). We know that ""internet culture"" celebrate not just bragging about your achievements but bragging about your good intentions. Nothing like that is ever acceptable here. + +- Content that's more about 'making a statement' or casually polling the sub than seeking personal support (or, in a comment, giving it) (rules 1, 2 and 10). + +- Off-topic posts about difficult situations or circumstances, including interpersonal losses. Grief, sadness, anger, and other difficult emotions are not mental illnesses. The ""what is depression"" wiki has suggestions for other places to post about these issues, which are 100% valid and serious but inappropriate here.","Regular check-in post, with information about our rules and wikis",1 +1,"We understand that most people who reply immediately to an OP with an invitation to talk privately mean only to help, but this type of response usually leads to either disappointment or disaster. it usually works out quite differently here than when you say ""PM me anytime"" in a casual social context. + +We have huge admiration and appreciation for the goodwill and good citizenship of so many of you who support others here and flag inappropriate content - even more so because we know that so many of you are struggling yourselves. We're hard at work behind the scenes on more information and resources to make it easier to give and get quality help here - this is just a small start. + +Our new wiki page explains in detail why it's much better to respond in public comments, at least until you've gotten to know someone. It will be maintained at /r/depression/wiki/private_contact, and the full text of the current version is below. + +***** + +###Summary### + +**Anyone who, while acting as a helper, invites or accepts private contact (I.e. PMs, chat, or any kind of offsite communication) early in the conversion is showing either bad intentions or bad judgement. Either way, it's unwise to trust them.** + + +""PM me anytime"" seems like a kind and generous offer. And it might be perfectly well-meaning, but, unless and until a solid rapport has been established, it's just not a wise idea. Here are some points to consider before you offer or accept an invitation to communicate privately. + +* **By posting supportive replies publicly, you'll help more people than just the OP. If your responses are of good quality, you'll educate and inspire other helpers.** [The 1-9-90 rule](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1%25_rule_(Internet_culture\)) applies here as much as it does anywhere else on the internet. + +* People who are struggling with serious mental-health issues often (justifiably) have a low tolerance for disappointment and a high-level of ever-changing emotional need. **Unless the helper is able to make a 100% commitment to be there for them in every way, for as long as necessary, offering a personal inbox as a resource is likely to do more harm than good.** This is why mental-health crisis-line responders usually don't give their names and callers aren't allowed to request specific responders. It's much healthier and safer for the callers to develop a relationship with the agency as a whole. Analogously, it's much safer and healthier for our OPs to develop a relationship with the community as a whole. Even trained responders are generally not allowed to work high-intensity situations alone. It's partly about availability, but it's mostly about wider perspective and preventing compassion fatigue. + +* **If a helper gets in over their head with someone whose mental-health issues (including suicidality, which is often comorbid with depression) escalate, in a PM conversation it's much harder for others, including the /r/depression and /r/SuicideWatch moderators to help**. (Contrary to common assumptions, moderators can't see or police PMs.) + +* In our observation over many years, the people who say ""PM me"" the most are consistently the ones with the least understanding of mental-health issues and mental-health support. We all have gaps in our knowledge and in our ability to communicate effectively. Community input mitigates these limitations. **There's no reason why someone who's truly here to help would want to hide their responses from community scrutiny**. If helpers are concerned about their own privacy, keep in mind that self-disclosure, when used supportively, is more about the feelings than the details, and that we have no problem here with the use of alt/throwaway accounts, and have no restrictions on account age or karma. + +* We all know the internet is used by some people to exploit or abuse others. These people *do* want to hide their deceptive and manipulative responses from everyone except their victims. There are many of them who specifically target those who are vulnerable because of mental-health issues. **If a helper invites an OP to talk privately and gives them a good, supportive experience, they've primed that person to be more vulnerable to abusers.** This sort of cognitive priming tends to be particularly effective when someone's in a state of mental-health crisis, when people rely more on heuristics than critical reasoning. + +* If OPs want to talk privately, posting on a wide-open anonymous forum like reddit might not be the best option. Although we don't recommend it, we do allow OPs to request private contact when asking for support. If you want to do this, please keep your expectations realistic, and to have a careful look at the history of anyone who offers to PM before opening up to them.","Our most-broken and least-understood rules is ""helpers may not invite private contact as a first resort"", so we've made a new wiki to explain it",1 +2,Anyone else just miss physical touch? I crave it so badly…,"I haven’t been touched, or even hugged, in so long that I can’t even remember what it feels like…",1 +3,"I’m just so ashamed. Everyone and everything feels so far away. Every time I leave my house, I feel like I’m drowning in an ocean while watching people on the shore having a grand old time. I feel like everyone else is on a whole other plane of existence, meanwhile I’m stuck beneath the surface just trying to breathe. + +Every time I talk to someone, I have to check to see if there’s something on my face once I leave because other people don’t know what to say to me and it’s always so fucking awkward. I try so hard to appear normal, but other people see right through it. I can’t relate to anyone. I can’t talk to anyone. I try so hard but I just can’t. + +And it’s embarrassing. I feel stupid for being this way. I’ve tried so hard to fix myself and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve been in therapy for over a decade and the only thing that’s changed is I’m really good at talking about myself.",Being Depressed is Embarrassing,1 +4,I really need a friend. I don't even have a single best friend and I'm desperate to find true love. Please help me. No one responded to my last post. It seems like no one cares about me and my life doesn't matter. Female here just saying,I'm desperate for a friend and to feel loved by someone.,1 +5,"Hear me out... life in general sucks. We have to work the majority of our time in jobs we hate for people we don't care about to earn just about enough to live relatively comfortably. + +The majority of people are selfish assholes who only care about themselves. Me, you and 99.9% of people included whether we admit it or not. + +To me optimistic people seem mentally ill. I dint see the appeal in pretending that we're not all fucking miserable. (Also if I hear one more person talk about ""manifesting"" happiness I may be doing 25 to life) + +Tldr: if a movie sucks you would turn it off.",Call me crazy but suicide seems rational at this point..,1 +6,"Never in a million years did I think I’d be on Reddit writing something like this but maybe this is my soul trying to find some sort of salvation from the pain. I’ve been thrown into the proverbial fire as of late & I feel like I’m just unable to get a grip on anything. + +1. My father passed away & I hadn’t spoken to him in well over 10yrs prior to his passing. He was extremely abusive to me as a child to the point or making me bleed. I am not really sad about his passing but feel many of the “what if” things in relation to a better childhood. + +2. I found out that my sister is not 100% my sister & we don’t have the same father & we both have been lied to about that our entire lives by our mother who I also don’t have the best relationship with. We did DNA tests two days ago for absolute concrete evidence of everything so now it’s a waiting game. I live in the same house as her & have been dying to get out on my own but financially am unable to at the moment due to my own disability cystic fibrosis. + +3. The girl I have been in a situation-ship doesn’t feel the same way I do about her. This one hurts me so much, honestly more in a sense than my dad passing. I feel like I’m mourning the loss of someone still alive but we are still friends & love one another. I never thought I’d catch feelings for her but here we are. We have a beautiful friendship , the sex is great & we have so many great laughs & moments. She’s been such a bright spot in my dark times lately. I wanted to see if we could give things a real try but she just doesn’t feel how I do. This now is breaking my heart & don’t know how to navigate it. I don’t want to just get rid of her as a friend, I genuinely care about her. She is fine with continuing what we are doing but I’m not sure I can do that right now with how I feel about her. + +Everything is just compounding ontop of eachother & I feel like I’m suffocating. My appetite is shot, I feel restless where I feel like I’m going crazy & I’ve been having very dark thoughts & find humor in self harm jokes to myself & my close friends. + +Maybe this is a cry for help, maybe I’m trying. I’m not sure. But if anyone reads this & has advice or a heart to be here for me I would love & cherish your kindness. Thank you .",Could really use someone to talk to. I’m falling apart,1 +7,"Hi!! + +I want to preface by saying, i’m sorry, because i know this is completely and totally selfish of me to ask. + +There’s a million things i want to say or express, but i feel like i can only do it with someone who understands. Or at the very least, someone who isn’t directly involved. + +I’m sorry, i don’t want to be a burden, but that’s what i’m asking, i think. If there’s any chance some lovely amazing person would let me burden them, just for a bit, i would appreciate it with my whole heart (or whatever is left of it aha)",Can i rant to someone?? You can rant in return!!,1 +8,"I’m 40(M) and I’ve always maintained that I’m too ugly for women and that hasn’t changed. Then my not long ago my therapist talked me into using a dating app to get experience to chatting with women and to get over fears of rejection. + +I didn’t like the idea but I did it anyway. Well I think it is fair to say that it was the final straw, because the only women who were (allegedly) interested were women in foreign countries, sure they were highly educated (they claimed) and quite a few of them were not bad looking but I zero matches from us women. + +Long story short, I was talking to this female doctor in the Dominican Republic and most of our conversations had to be done with google translate because she didn’t speak much English. Well after a while I realized that this was going nowhere and I politely told her that we needed to go our separate ways and unmatched her. + +A few days later I decided that enough was enough, I think it’s beyond reasonable doubt that I’m too ugly and need to just embrace being alone for life. But my brain won’t let me, I keep having to remind myself to not go back to the app, to just find ways to help people and be content alone but again my mind keeps obsessing about being alone so that I find myself needing to vent several times a day and it’s pathetic. + +I have proof that I’m hopelessly ugly, among other things and need to just stop thinking about it and embrace being alone and stop caring. I don’t want to care anymore, I want to happy and content with my life.",I don’t want to care about being alone,1 +9,"I used to get through my life by believing in the delusion that things were all going to work out one day and I’d find my place in the world. Now I realize that all I’ve accomplished through this is to prolong my suffering. Every day of my life is pain and misery and nothing else, and it will always be that way. I cannot fucking believe that this is what life is, but I guess I just got unlucky. Some people get to have loving parents, close friends, romantic partners, and a career they enjoy that makes them enough money to live on. And some of us get none of those things. We get left to rot in shitty minimum-wage jobs, ignored by all the girls or boys in school, treated like shit by everyone who was supposed to care about us. We get nothing and yet we’re expected to be grateful for a life empty of everything that makes it worth living. So I think I’m done with all of this nonsense. I haven’t planned my way out yet but I think this is where my story is going to end. I can’t imagine a future where I’m happy and I won’t bother trying anymore.",Hope is just a form of self-harm,1 +10,I can never truly believe someone when they say something positive about me. I feel like shit for not believing them but I just cant. I always think they are just fucking with me and they don't actually mean it. Because come on nobody would sincerely say that type of bullshit about me. I don't like thjs,I can't seem to accept positivity,1 +11,"I'm a 25 year old man who's never had a girlfriend or sex in his life and since yesterday I decided to give up trying. I have a very good life, amazing family and friends that understand and support me no matter what I do, I have a job that I enjoy and coworkers I get extremely well along with. I don't consider myself ugly, I think I'm just mid. I nurture many passions, am very extroverted and outgoing, and I believe I'm quite smart, but especially in these last 3 years I've been feeling extremely hollow and sad, and the reason why is no matter what I do or how much I keep improving myself, I seem to have no luck with girls. Yesterday I went out with this great girl I met in university 2 years ago, which I've been texting on and off with. I thought she had interests in me since she was the one asking me out, but as I later found out in the day she had been seeing this guy for about a month where she is studying. I promised myself to go into that ""date"" with no expectations but of course there was hope things would go well. However, as per usual, I had to go back home and cry myself to sleep for the 100th time and I'm just tired of this endless repeating cycle. +People who've had at least one relationship in their life will never get the pain.",I don't wanna try anymore,1 +12,"20M + +I feel like im slowly decaying. My mind slips; i cant remember much anymore, i have no desire to do any fun activities anymore; at least not the ones that ive done already (which is just about everything). I have all the desire in the world to get better, but no motivation. I can honestly feel myself getting worse each month. I noticed that i become a little more sad and unmotivated over time, and i really cant seem to stop it from progressing. It feels like a disease. + +My life just feels like im in limbo every day. I wake up, do the same thing all day that ive done a million times this week, then wait until my insomnia decides to let me sleep. At night i get into depressive episodes that lead to panic attacks, which fill my head with intrusive thoughts that i would never think normally. Its nothing horrifying or disturbing, but they really bother me. Its like the voice in my head wants me to be sad on purpose. + +The thought that really bugs me the most, the reason for making this post in the first place, tells me to push people away. Not really in that exact manner, but i question if i can really feel anything towards the people who are close to me. Everyone is normally completely fine, but not during my episode. It makes me feel like a completely different person. It makes me wonder if i really love my girlfriend and if id be better off alone. Its similar for my friends. Im fine with them normally, but during my episodes, they annoy me and i feel like i want to stop talking to them. But after i go to sleep and wake up, everything is back to normal. I love my girlfriend, and i like my friends. This thought didnt start happening until this month. I never used to want to push people away because ive always been the lonely type who wants more friends, and i always hated being alone, and i still do; which is how i can tell that im getting worse. Im just not me anymore, im a completely different person than the one i used to know. + +The other thoughts are just pessimistic jabs at my future, and general sadness questions. Wondering if im ever going to live a stable life, or if im going to feel happy and content ever again, or if i will continue to be a failure forever. I always have to remind myself that it has to get better eventually, and i cant feel like this forever, but most times its hard to convince myself. I cant remember the last time i didnt feel terrible. Im not suicidal, i dont have a desire to stop living, and dont even get thoughts about it whatsoever. But these episodes make it really difficult to be a living, functioning person. + +I need to know how to stop thinking this way when i start to feel hopeless. I know i probably need a therapist or psychiatrist to help me professionally, but im afraid of them.","my depression keeps getting worse, and i want to stop pushing away the people i love.",1 +13,"me M(19) single i have good, supportive , loving,parents a sister that i love good friends (tbh could'nt ask for more ) i go out with friends , i goo to gym daily ,play video games ,i play sports and that moment i enjoy those things but when iam alone ,by myself (for example in shower or taking a bus ride from school to home )deep down i feel sad , empty and kinda lost its like someting is missing i have every thing a teenager could ever ask for but iam not happy in a way though .......cant find what is this plz some one tell me what is this feeling that comes up every npw and then?",What is this feeling...is this depression?,1 +14,"As the title states I cannot handle living or my mental state any longer. I am 22 and since I was a kid I have been bullied a lot throughout the years. The past few 4-5 years I have not experienced bullying but extreme loneliness. I have tried everything to make friends and get a life but everything is unsuccessful. I was never able to talk to girls either but somehow 3 years ago I met one and we fell in love but we broke up recently and a lot due to me not having a life and being able to make friends but during this time she was the only thing motivating me to keep going. We promised each other to always remain friends and we did for a while but 1 month ago she cut of all contact with me after some fights and disagreements. I have tried getting her back as a friend by she just ignores a my texts. I was already severely depressed the past few months about my loneliness and this just made it even worse. I hate when people say it always becomes better, even though I want to believe it and I did for a while I can’t anymore because it has been disproven my entire life. I don’t see a future where anything will become better and I don’t see any solutions any longer, everything feels hopeless and I view myself as useless and pathetic. I get panic attacks constantly during the day and I can’t take it anymore. I just want to disappear and not have to feel this any longer. I know that no one would notice if I disappeared and it would not impact anyone’s life that much. I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. I hate my life.",This is unbearable,1 +15,Normal. Damn I can actually express emotions and feel a sense of positivity.,Alcohol + caffeine + serotonin deficiency =,1 +16,"I’m pretty sure this has been posted a million times here before. But I just feel like I’m done with life and I’m only 24, and no matter what it is I’m doing I’m either feeling anxious or depressed as they do come hand in hand. I don’t enjoy hanging out with family or friends, I’d rather be alone but when I’m alone and at home I feel useless and depressed. I’m too tired to even explain in detail but I’m sure you all know this feeling. And I do know the steps to get out of this rut but that effort needed is draining itself … people that don’t go through this are so lucky. I’m just feeling numb and depressed and I don’t wanna do anything about it.",Life is depressing,1 +17,"I have been severely depressed since I was in elementary. I am in college now. I never intended to make it this far. I truly didn’t see myself making it past 16. And now here I am, years later, wasting away because I didn’t plan for this. + +I don’t know what stopped me. My life feels so disposable right now. I have no job prospects after I graduate next year. No experience under my belt. No passion in what I’m studying or doing with my life. There is nothing in the long run that’s keeping me here. + +I want to believe it’s the people in my life but the happiness they give me is only temporary. I can’t depend on them forever to keep me up. I can no longer support myself. I have nothing. + +I never sought professional help because I don’t have the resources to. No money, no proper insurance, no support from family. Nothing. I am so lost and scared. I really need help. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",I am past my expiration date.,1 +18,"I may cuss I’m sorry if I do that’s what the nsfw is for. Anyway so I’ve had a job as a cook for the last year about. They overlooked the. Tiny musical note tattoo that’s on my face to hire me. Then new manager comes thru and I’m gone same day. Cause it’s company policy no facial or hand tattoos. I have both. They still hired me and I was told many times in their hardest worker. Anyway. Along with that my moms sick she has a few terminal illnesses. And I don’t have any friends anymore cause I got fired. No one has even asked how I’m doing of those ex coworkers. I have a job interview today. But I can’t get out of this funk like I cannot get out of my own head that this is just what I deserve for the things I did when I was younger. I just deserve to suffer and somewhat loath myself. I kicked a drug habit and moved and yea being sober is actually awesome. But, being lonely like so lonely that I got love money scammed out of most of my savings. That desperation of wanting just a friend just not to be alone forever. Not to hate every thing about myself everyday when I wake up and have to look myself in the mirror. If this breaks rules I apologize I read them and didn’t see anything bad about this post. I just need help I don’t know what to do anymore. I also have other disorders and circumstances that make me getting this help much much more difficult.",Don’t know what to do,1 +19,"Please help me. + +I am so exhausted. For as long as I can remember, probably from about 5 years old, I have been hideous. + +I was an extremely shy kid and had selective mutism, so I was always self conscious. I just can’t remember not being this way. When I started elementary school, kids would constantly comment on my looks. They compared me to skeletons, zombies, and dead bodies. The few friends I had were told “Don’t be friends with her, she’s too ugly for you, you can do so much better.” I wasn’t allowed to sit with anyone in the cafeteria in middle school and I had to stay in the library away from everyone. People left notes in my locker calling me all sorts of names. In high school people just ignored me and I was so lonely. Then at home my parents would occasionally get angry and call me a lazy pig. + +I know people have had it worse, so the worry of me being too dramatic makes it even more unbearable. + +I’m going to graduate college soon. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, any men have just taken advantage of me. However I am extremely lucky to have a few supportive friends who have tried to help me. + +Since less people actively hurt me nowadays, I expected this to get better. But if anything it’s getting worse. My nose is crooked, my lips are uneven, one of my eyes is smaller than the other. I have crooked teeth despite constantly wearing my retainer. My skin is horrible and I have this weird skin discolouration resembling a mustache that I have never been able to get rid of. + +I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been to therapy, I have tried body neutrality, meditation, anything you can think of. Nothing helps. I spend my days obsessing over my looks and my nights crying myself to sleep. I alternate between staring at myself for hours trying to figure out what I did to deserve to be this ugly, to having to shower in the dark and avoiding mirrors because I can’t stand to look at myself. It is utterly exhausting to hate myself this much. + +I know deep down looks aren’t everything. But being pretty would be so much easier. I don’t understand why I was dealt these cards, why I have these disgusting genes. I know other people suffer from this, but they all have redeeming qualities. I am a monster. And I need to be beautiful. I can’t stand anything else anymore. + +I’m sure this post is all over the place and I apologize, it’s just another one of those nights that I can’t even think straight because I’m so preoccupied with hating myself. I’ve come on Reddit as a last hope because I don’t know how to move on from this. If anyone has any advice or suggestions about what to do please let me know. I’m begging for any relief.",I am so ugly that it is ruining my life.,1 +20,it just took me 3 hours to read and understand 30 slides of my lecture in a course that i wanted to do. I have no clue how to get this done until my exam,I can't focus at all on anything,1 +21,I hate myself and I don’t even know why at this point. I just hate myself and I wish I was someone else. I don’t know who I want to be I just don’t want to live this life anymore.,I hate myself,1 +22,"So im in therapy right now and i really enjoy it. I need my doctor to fill out a document so my insurance will pay for my therapy. +I alreasy got diagnosed with depression so thats what i told my doctor. +He just asked about how much time i woulf spend on my smartphone (?) and that thats the reason why im depressed. +And tbh i didnt corrected him because i didnt felt comfortable from the start to talk to this man, who i see about 1 time a year, about my mental health. + +After that he just prescribed me without anything anti depressants?! Says i schould just take them and im totally overwhelmed with the situation. Schould i?",My doctor just prescribed me anti-depressants and i dont know what to do,1 +23,Anyone had vitamin c deficiency and how long did it take for supplementation to affect depression?,Vitamin c deficiency?,1 +24,I've been told have this or that personality trait but all I see in myself is emptiness.,"Ever feel like you've been depressed for so long, you can't imagine not being depressed?",1 +25,"I lost my mind over a girl. I can't seem to stop thinking about her. All of my ""friends"" are choosing her over me. I have no one here to support me. I don't know what to do. She is driving me insane. I just feel like life is not worth it. I have nothing to live for. Please, someone help me. I'm losing my mind over this. How do I stop thinking about her. Please, anything will help.",Please someone help me,1 +26,"Was feeling very low , not feeling like working and sleeping most of the time , feeling worth less and very lonely... wasn't able to deal with it. + +Then i went for a Tantra massage for an hour , + +I felt touched, someone is making effort to make me happy... Touch of a skin on my body was triggering happy hormones... Finally i was on receiving end , getting nacked in front of someone is kinda of excepting who and what you're, no body shaming. + +It's not an optimal or ethical solution but for time being... I am feeling happy and high sprit. + +I want to know/ check with my fallow group members... Have you been to this situation any time and what you did ? + +Is that a right or wrong move? + +I haven't done it in past . + +Note: No kind of sex was involved in it or any orgasms/ ejaculation.",Was feeling very low and went for one hour tantra massage.,1 +27,"Autistic with ADHD. 37, No family of my own or relationships, moved back with aging parents because isolation became too much to the point I started planning my suicide. + +I have nothing in my life but work, my job pays the bills. And after I finish my 9-5, I work on a couple of projects that are both artificially keeping me alive because they give me some goal or purpose but at the same time are killing me because between my job and this I spend around 14 hours a day frying my brain in front of a computer. + +I used to be in shape, but I have relinquished that part of me as well since it serves no purpose anymore. I gave up on relationships, dating and love, and it is a waste of time and effort since I invest that energy on my projects or resting, and well my best years are behind me and entropy is doing its thing anyway. + +This past week I had a terrible migraine but I pushed through, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have an aneurysm or something soon.","I am working myself to death, purposely.",1 +28,"Throw away account for this. Myself M15 almost turning 16 had a fight with my mum yesterday and it got physical. I can't exactly remember who hit first but it got to the point that hands were on one another and spitting was involved. My mum had been charged 50 dollars for something on her credit card and I had asked her to buy something for 10 dollars. It turns out the currency was off on the thing I wanted to purchase. She then bought it up to me and to me it seemed like she was yelling. I have always been quite sensitive to yelling and I always take it really personally. After we had the conversation, mid way through I went to my room and locked it so I could breath because I was really stressed out. She then came from the living room into my room, bashing the door open and breaking my lock, breaking my door as well, it fell of the hinge. She came into my room while I was crying and was yelling at me. I told her to get out with swearing involved because I was really stressed out and upset. She then wouldn't and she kept getting right up into my face as if she was going to start throwing hands at me. I then was starting to involve talks of myself going to hurt myself, she then said that she doesn't know what I was on about and got really defensive. I then said can you just give me 5 minutes to breath and then I will come speak with her, after going back and forward for about 15 minutes she finally left me alone and I shut my door and dragged my dresser in front of it. I then had a full on panic attack for a solid 15 minutes and I could barely breath and I was smacking my head onto my wall and on my desk. She then came back to my room after she had sit in the lounge and listen to it all happen while she was sitting there watching TV. She came back and was back into a calm state herself which is quite a normal thing for her and she came in my room and comforted me. I kept breaking into tears while she was talking to my cat. After the situation she calmed me down after about 30 minutes of a continued panic attack. + +&#x200B; + +Today I feel really scared still, although she said that she was sorry for it. I still feel really scared to be around her and I feel really sick after she spat on me and I am hurting still really bad after she hit me. + +&#x200B; + +I am currently on Setrona, anti-depressant, and I have been diagnosed with depression and I also have an anxiety disorder. I also have really bad trust issues and this has really ruined my trust with her. I am absolutely shattered and I have no idea what to do.",My mum and me had a physical fight/argument last night and I'm scared,1 +29,I am sad. Permanently. I don’t know why. I have a family and a good job. I tried psychotherapy but I didn’t feel good after the sessions. I cried a lot. I also tried meds and I didn’t feel good taking pills. I tried different meds and still no effects. I put a lot of effort into my mental health… What else can I do? I don’t want to suffer.,I don’t know what’s wrong with me,1 +30,With hot weather approaching.. can’t necessarily wear a hoodie anymore. I hate my noodle arms. I’m 140 lbs 5’11 (yes skinny af I know). I want to start working out but have 0 motivation. Too anxious to go to a public gym. I constantly get skinny shamed. Things like “you need to eat a cheeseburger” “well if you’d eat you’d gain weight” “your skinny as a pretzel” “skin and bones” “skeleton” etc etc. I could go on for days with the amount of things people have said about me being skinny. I’m over it. I have a super fast metabolism and I literally eat 3-5 meals plus snacks a day. I’m just so tired of being skinny and being shamed for it. I feel like a lump of bones with skin. At least people have convinced me that’s all I am…,Noodle arms 🫠 / Skinny Shaming,1 +31,"Hello + +I've been having this issue for years now and it seems to make everything worse than it should be. + +I've been trying to reach out for help for 7 years now (I'm 21 now). I've been trying to tell my mom what's happening, telling her why I can't seem to get out of bed for days on end sometimes, telling her that I need help, and everytime the conversation happens it feels like she finally gets what I'm saying. She never does. Everytime she gets upset at me she asks why I'm always in bed, why a person my age is always tired and never really doing anything or going anywhere, and Everytime it just makes me feel both worse and insane. I've straight up told her that I've thought/attempted suicide before and all she had to say was ""oh really?"" in a tone that suggested that I didn't have it hard enough to do that. + +I don't understand why she keeps doing this, why she keeps asking me what's wrong when I've told her a thousand times. It's making me feel like I'm making everything up, that I'm going crazy. If anyone went through something like this and has some tips or anything that could help, please please tell me. I don't know what to do at this point, I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.",Why can't my mom see that I'm depressed?,1 +32,"I was wondering if anybody has had nausea with one SSRI but not with some other one? + +I am taking Zoloft and nausea is pretty bad, even with the one half of 50 mg tablet. I dont know if switching SSRIs would be beneficial or this side effect would remain the same? + +What is interesting is that I have taken Zoloft 15 yeras ago with absolutely no issues at at all, and now I feel like I am taking a poison. I don't understand this at all. + +Thanks!",need help with SSRI nausea,1 +33,"So, I can't anymore. I didn't think I would get here. I hope it won't be a long post. Thank you in advance. +F(26) I've always been the soul of the party, the kind of person you love to be around. Always joking, with super positive energy. Few people know what I'm like in my spare time, and that in fact there isn't a day when I don't wish to die. +If someone can understand that I feel alone since I was little. I have always sought to be seen, appreciated, respected. +My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. Since then, the relationship with my father has not been, because he is the most lying person I know. All my life he just promised me things and never kept his word. Now he has his family, which he does not take care of. Her children live with him, but they actually live like I did. My mother was always away in another country. He tried to compensate for the fact that all his life he ran after the perfect man and thus he neglected me. He never chose me. To want to move together to do something new 2. She chose men who, I'm sorry, did to her. And I had to grow up with my grandparents. With my grandfather always beating my grandmother. I saw all kinds of arguments, fights, scandals and everything that a child should not see. I always grew up with words like ""you're not good for anything, you don't know how to do anything, you're like my mom, you're like tactu"" My mother has 2 brothers, who are super narcissists. That they gave me a juice when I was younger ""they raised me"". Grandma raised the men of the family as if everything was theirs. And my mother and I always had to do everything. From food, cleaning, money... Everything. No, they are men and we are women. Ever since I was little, I used to fight with everyone, because I was always different. I don't consider that my purpose is to find a man, to have a child and that's...as my family wants. I always wanted more. Because of this, my jobs were not exactly easy either. I was a team leader at 19, and it still wasn't enough, although no one in the family did more than me... +My grandfather died 2 years ago, and since then the family fell apart even more. My mother left again to another country, after her boyfriend who is my age and treats her worse than anything.. and I stay at home with my grandmother, who is also mean. +I tried everything, to meditate, to go to a psychologist, to stop thinking about all the things. Anything... +I feel alone, abandoned. As everyone sees their life, I remain here behind, worthless, with nothing. I have nothing. Not a day goes by that I don't think I want to die... Thank you.",there is no day when I don't want to die,1 +34,my depression is leaking out to people. they all know I'm in a bad mood. i hate myself. i don't want to exist. kill me.,i want to die put a bullet in my head,1 +35,In childhood i had a great voice but after puberty it became very deep. Now iam 20 yo male. The voice is so deep that i have to put lot of effort to be heard in a place which has any background noise. My friends also point out that its too deep. I wish my voice had more sharpness/pitch. I want my voice to be heard and it to sound pleasant.,my voice is soo deep how to improve,1 +36,"I have to tell someone, I have to live if I can't talk to someone I know I'll die soon. I need advice or inspiration to tell my friends. Please I can't die.",I need to tell someone,1 +37,I am 31 I soon to be 32. I studied two bachelors's degree consequently to escape working. Now i realize that i destroyed my future. I have never planned my future. I am currently mooching off from my elder brother and my mother. I am also now in deep depression. I am so insecure and have zero confidence that it takes massive amount time to open a thread and make a comment. I realize that I have missed so many thing in my life and hate myself for it.,I started to hate myself,1 +38,"I find it tedious, wake up with nothing to do, no reason to be alive, all the goals seem meaningless. What’s the point of going to bed if I just wake up again to feel the same, empty, sometimes I don’t even wish for a gf or anything of the sort, just someone to talk to, I find them and three things happen, I either push them away because I’m not good at anything else, they loose interest, or just leave, but almost every time I fuck shit up.",I don’t enjoy being awake or alive,1 +39,"I know, deep down I know that I have problems, that I have depression. But the loudest majority of my mind says it's all fake. That I just need to get a hold of myself and I'll be better but I don't so it's just my fault. I feel so scared to even say anything to anyone. I'm not the sad one. I'm not supposed to be sad. How can I be a halfway decent role model for my younger brothers if I've spent all my adult life jobless and friendless at my parents house. I feel like such a phony in every sense. Just keeping the mask on for everyone around me and then crying in bed when I'm alone. Even when I try to make friends online I'm ignored or get overwhelmed just trying to message someone. I feel so small and broken but I have to be the older brother. What am I supposed to do just leave them with our awful parents? It's not like I'd have anywhere to go anyway, they probably haven't kicked me out because I clean the place and raise their kids. I'm 23 and it feels like my life will end before it will ever begin and I'm too scared to even admit it to myself. I don't even know where to begin with therapy. Kind words are appreciated I just. I just need something to help me feel not as worthless as I do right now.",Feel hopeless,1 +40,"Three people keep me alive: Mom, Dad, and my friend and landlord (until he makes it on Broadway.) One day the parents will die, and my landlord will have a big hit on Broadway, and I will no longer need my heart, lungs, brain, etc. Just won’t need it anymore.",I Have To Stay Alive,1 +41,"I'm 28 right now and I graduated from college in the Fall 2017 with a bachelors degree in psychology and after realizing I wasn't going to do much with that degree as I've completely lost interest in that field. Since 2018, I have been working as a part-time student advisor making less than $20k annually as I was very undecided about the direction my life was going to go and it was like this for 2 years until I decided to return to college to take prerequisite courses for graduate school so that I can get into a data science graduate program. + +I'm currently in my program right now and I have been keeping a 4.0 GPA and this gives me a lot of hope but I've noticed that some of my friends (including my love interest) make much more money than I do and have their own places. My love interest told me that I will eventually get out of my situation and we still had very passionate sex when I last visited him and we exchanged our gratitudes for each. + +But its like, I'm very disappointed at myself for allowing myself to be where I am today. If I had known from the beginning just how much my socioeconomic status would affect my prospective friendships/relationships, I would have taken things more seriously and considered a field that was more lucrative when I was an undergrad.",Feel like a loser because of how broke I am at almost 30 years old,1 +42,"my doctor is talking about a counsellor referral and meds (ssri’s). i dont want to take meds, im scared of the side effects and such, especially when stuff like weight gain and low libido are super common side effects. i know if i experience that i will become so much worse (because i have experienced that). can i be better with just counselling or will i need medicine? im sorry if this is silly , i don’t know anyone who’s on them i have no one to turn to",i dont want meds,1 +43,"I used to hurt myself with a purpose but now i do it just because, wondering if one day I’ll be able to bring it to a point of no return because i feel so pathetic for hurting myself without a purpose atleast if i try to commit suicide theirs a purposw but for some reason i dont wanna die but i do and its so hard to explain. I either care to much or not at all, im so angry all the time its like the moment i feel anything negative ir turns into anger and i hurt everyone around me and the worst thing about it is i have a small circle of people that care and i wish they didnt so it was easier to live with the way i feel. I don’t have any friends though but i ruined those friendsships, somedays i care and somedays i dont. But i dont have anyone to talk to so thats why im writing here and im not sure what im looking for by doing this so what is the point really. I dont know 😔",I dont knwo what to do anymore,1 +44,"im not depressed i dont think i just have some really big problems going on and i hate my life so much, I really want to die but I don't want to feel pain or anything cos that would suck, so I was thinking would a lethal overdose on some sort of drug be painless or would it hurt?",I need to know if this would be a painless way to go,1 +45,I feel so empty and I just don’t know where to turn now.,Where can I get some guidance?,1 +46,It's like you feel like you're doing things but then anytime anything doesn't work how it should it creates internal chaos with 0 way of processing without a breakdown. Or maybe it's just me.,Something I don't hear talked about a lot is how dysfunctional functional depression is,1 +47,I’m trying so hard to better myself and not feel so fucking depressed but it’s hard when it feels like you have no support and nobody seems to understand. It’s hard enough having a fucked up mental but now you add everything else going on and it feels like a lot of things are just so insignificant,Fuck this,1 +48," +I’m constantly battling with myself, day after day, I’m kinda get sick of beating myself up over not being good enough for me…. I’m working hard, but I don’t feel like I’m working hard enough on myself even the way I feel like I need to. + +I’ve gotten off my meds, but sometimes it feels like a relapse. It’s made my taste in music change, things I used to love I don’t enjoy anymore- friends: I don’t really connect with many anymore even the people I used to see I don’t see any more. My connections seem to be gone. + +The constants in my life there is maybe 4 of; my job, my family, my friends and where I live. Emotionally I’m not well. Physically I’m doing better so one thing at a time I guess. + +Fighting with myself I don’t want to do it constantly.",My every day battle,1 +49,"I just don’t really care anymore I guess. I just hope I get some brain injury so that it causes memory loss or something a long those lines. + +Dying doesn’t sound so bad either honestly but forgetting would be way better. Then I could function again and be happy hopefully.",I wish I could get hit in the head and forget my past,1 +50,"My friends are telling me to travel or do fun things while I hear back from the jobs I've applied to, but how can I? I'm anxious about not having a paycheck. I have no drive to do anything other than apply to jobs. I have all this free time now and even when I can't focus on job applications I'm too depressed to do anything I would actually enjoy. + +Well, I still enjoy doing yoga so not all is bleak, but that's pretty much all I have the energy to do. + +I've lost all the creativity and passion I used to have for making art, and my friends are all still working full time so I don't really have anyone to hang out with until they get out of work. I know I'm going to regret this time once I'm back to working full time and having limited time off, but I don't know how to experience joy right now.","Got laid off, and can't even enjoy the free time",1 +51,"Eu tenho 18 anos, e nunca soube o que eu queria exatamente da minha vida, sempre tive minhas ideias, mais não pretendia chegar a os meus 18. +Eu comecei a me cortar com 16, quando a pandemia começou, eu não sei oq estava fazendo e logo minha mãe percebeu e me levou ao psicólogo, eu fiz terapia e tomei remédios pata melhorar. Infelizmente descontinuei minha medicação, de antidepressivo e sonífero por não ter dinheiro, e acabei tendo a pior ou melhor ideia possível. Tentei me suicidar com 17, e serio, eu nunca pensei que minha vida chegaria onde chegou, pq mesmo eu tentando melhorar, eu ainda achava que era ruim alguém como eu poder se sentir feliz mais uma vez. +Eu sobrevivi, mais a troco de que? Eu não tenho nada para fazer aqui, e eu sou uma inútil, pq logo eu teria uma segunda chance? Só digo que quanta mais eu pioro, mais me vem a ideia de que eu não quero morrer, eu mereço, mais não quero. Eu esperaria, se soubesse que tem algo pra mim no futuro. +Vejo meus antigos colegas de escola indo trabalhar, fazendo faculdade e criando uma família, mais eu ainda sou uma garota de 16. Que não cresceu, que não cresce com o tempo. A ideia que eu tenho é que eu já morri, mais estou tentando alcançar a luz, a luz da minha cova, que eu mesma cavei, eu deveria estar morta, pq eu ainda insisto em querer viver?",Cavei minha própria cova,1 +52,"I cut myself today, i saw the wound that i inflicted on myself, had my very first panic attack and now i still feel nauseous +I dont even feel real anymore, no one talks to me and at the same time i cant talk to anyone because of this goddamn social anxiety shit its been 3 years and i still havent changed one bit. The school work is piling up and im so tired of trying to get through every single week, i promised myself to get into guitar so i can be proud of myself for once but i dont even have the motivation to learn. Im fucking stupid and if my classes werent mostly in google meet then i would have failed school already. I feel so pathethic and if i talk to my best friend about my loneliness she would just say ""its because you don't talk!"" I know she says that as a joke but it hurts me every single time, it makes me feel incapable, it makes me feel like its my fault and i already believe that. If my suicide attempt worked then i wouldve been gone for 3 years. God everyday i wish to get hospitalized or get hit by a fucking car already, i just want a break from all of this.",my life probably going downhill starting today,1 +53,"My depression started fairly young into my pre-teen years, therefore it was really difficult to envision a future for myself, and if I’m being honest, I never expected to live past 18. + +Now I am approaching my mid-20’s and I’m just now realizing how much self-sabotage this has caused me. I feel so far behind in life now, I didn’t care about my studies back then, or my social life, or my finances, or my skillset or even experiences. I just let things pile up and I now burn out easily because of it. I enrolled back into college but can’t power through it. + +I’m currently just rotting in bed all day, hoping I find the strength one day to just tackle my abandoned life head on. I’ve tried cutting off all my addictions but I just end up sleeping all day when I do. A part of me does want to get better, I’m letting down my gf and my studies(again). If anyone happens to have guidance or words of encouragement please reach out…",Didn’t expect myself to live this long? Now what?,1 +54,Im in a certain blood set and most of my friends are in jail. I myself was thinking of going to jail too. I don't value myself. I joined the set because I was protecting someone close to me from another gang because they threatened to hurt them. I'm going to accept the consequences if I carry out the mission on my own but it does suck. My best friends are Gone possibly forever. My day ones. I still have a couple around but it's not the same you know. No female can replace a bond between my friend group. They were my niggas lol but yeah I'm only 18 and kinda willing to throw my life away already. My heart feels so cold everyday. From drug addiction to doing shit in the streets. From being abandoned at a young age to being homeless with my family. From people always looking down on me and the darkness I surrounded myself with. I despise humans besides my best friends and my family. I hate people. I'm ready to go I really don't care if I live or die. It's crazy because even my therapist told me at a young age I'd be a threat to society anyways. I'd be afraid to admit she was right. Materialistic things don't matter to me. I feel as if almost my only purpose is living for my gang. I don't feel happy ever. I just hate everyone and everything. I'm ready to go. I miss my friends. goodbye.,All my friends are in jail and I'm thinking of crashing out,1 +55,Just stop with the negative thoughts and feelings. Just leave my mind in peace for once. Leave me alone.,I wish my brain would leave me alone,1 +56,"My dad died in 2018 when I was 16, and since then I’ve been pretty much emotionally numb. Lately I’ve been starting to feel hints of emotions but they’re usually fleeting. I just cried today after being depressed about ending up alone on Friday night. I couldn’t stop looking at pictures of my dad and crying. I miss him so much I just want to talk to him. It hurts so badly to know I’ll never get that chance again. Can someone tell me it’ll all be ok? + +Sorry for bad grammar and everything I just really don’t care rn.",I’ve finally cried sober for the first time in years,1 +57,How painful is it and what are the chances of dying from it,Is serotonin syndrome painful?,1 +58,"When I don't exercise regularly, my mental health takes a nose dive. When I don't push myself to go into social settings and interact with others, especially friends, semi-regularly, my mental health takes a nose dive. When I don't push myself to switch up my routine, it happens and it happens when I have no routine. It happens when I don't get enough sleep, when I don't spend enough time outside and the list goes on. It's exhausting. And while a lot of these habits/things are enjoyable in the moment, once I push past my ""but I don't wanna"" inner toddler brain, I'm so sick of having to do so much all the time just to maintain ""okay"".And truth be told, lately, I haven't. Life has been unnecessarily shitty and I've had to make so many decisions and compromises on big things like my job and living situation that I crumpled. And I know working out would make a much bigger difference to my mood right now than writing this post, but I'm sick of everything. Why does life insist on being such a shit show? + +Update: After writing this, briefly texting with a redditor, who was kind enough to reach out to ask if I'm okay and feeling my feelings for a bit (aka crying), I put on my workout clothes and got it over with. It didn't do much right then and there, but I also went to bed on time, to get a proper night's rest and I woke up feeling a little better. So, up and onwards I go until the next time I veer off track managing myself. Because there really isn't an alternative. I know how low I get, when I throw in the towel and don't pick it back up again quickly enough. ",I'm so tired of trying to be okay.,1 +59,"How’s anyone else make riding out their depression spells easier? + +(outside of meds, therapy, and other medical treatments. just day to day, esp when any energy you may have had is long since gone, and in that fun start of numbness)",dealing with depressikn,1 +60,"I am a Med student who is struggling a lot with anxiety and depression, I haven’t went to a therapist yet but I am planning to soon, however I am feeling guilt that maybe instead I should spend more time on studying or find ways to improve my academic performance (because it’s not well and is partially the reason I am depressed). +Anyways in conclusion I am wondering should I first deal with my mental health or my academics ? +(I have also been suicidal that’s probably important to mention.)",Should I focus on my mental health first or my academic studies ?,1 +61,"I dated someone for over 10 years of my life. My entire 20s. I never loved anyone more. We had a falling out, our relationship became toxic and even as we tried to remain friends it didn't work. + +I cut her off last year at end of january/beginning of february. I assumed she had moved on and everything and stopped talking to me. + +Instead...she died. I suspect she took her own life. No one told me. For 13 months I held resentment towards her. I didn't want to be with her but I was upset that she had made our relationship toxic. + +Instead, she was dead. Her family did not tell me. On tuesday her mother called me to tell me the news 13 months later. I am devastated. She did not deserve to die. I am so fucking angry at myself. I knew she was sick, I knew she was suicidal and I cut her off anyway. I'm angry at her family for denying me the ability to see her funeral. I'm angry that everyone else got a year to grief together and I am dealing with this loss alone. + +I didn't message her for an entire year because I was convinced she found someone else and my pride wouldn't allow me to even say ""hi, hope all is well"". + +I feel horrendous.",I don't know how to cope with my grief,1 +62,"So, like the title says: my boyfriend has depression. He already suffered from this even before we met. So, I knew what I was getting myself into. But I did not care because he seemed so willing to be open, to communicate (or at least try his best and give me as much as he could), happy (as much as you can be happy in a depression) to be with me and most of all he showed me so much love. + +Months have gone by since we became official. And his depression has been getting worse. I don't care, I want to be there for him all the way through everything. I love him. I would do so much for him (and I do, but I would do basically anything for him). + +But I have felt him getting less open and he doesn't communicate his thoughts and feelings at all anymore. Whenever something is bothering him or whenever he is feeling bad, I notice, I can just tell. But then when I ask him what's is going on, he always says ""nothing"" (and then continues to show behaviour that clearly shows he is feeling some type of way). Whenever I do push through to have a conversation with him, he gets really quiet and doesn't answer most of my questions, and if he does it is usually a one-word-answer. + +He isn't happy about anything anymore. Not even about me, I think. There used to be a time where he made me feel special, wanted, loved. Now he gets annoyed or even mad if I say or do anything wrong (when all I want to do is help him). I am distraught. I love him more than anything. I can not handle the heartbreak it would give me to lose him. We are so far in together. We had (have) plans for the future. But without him actively showing me love and trying to communicate, I just feel like I am giving him so much of myself but not getting enough back. + +He says he has no time to work on everything. +Granted, he has his education and work. Which is already tiring for him, especially living with depression, an anxiety disorder and an ED. + +I guess the conclusion is that he has no room for this relationship anymore. But due to me being selfish, I can't bring myself to break up with him.",My (21F) boyfriend (21M) has depression and it is affecting our relationship.,1 +63,"Hello, all. Thank you for taking the time to listen! I recreantly have been on a weight loss journey and have lost roughly 100 pounds in 3 months. I did this by exercising for a few hours a day and being careful of what I eat or drink. + +These last two weeks though, I have been bingeing and eating like there is no tomorrow. An adventure that is driving me insane and, honestly, depressed. I still work out and such. During the daytime I am happy and on cloud-9; the feeling that anything is possible and the world is my oyster. At night though, I get depressed and always have these cravings for sugary food. Even though I do not want the food, I end up indulging. + +I hate myself for doing this. I do not want to go back to being overweight moreso than I currently am. Does someone have any tips or suggestions for my conundrum?",Help with new eating pattern!!!,1 +64,"The results: not a damn thing changed. They asked, listened to the response, and left. that question means literally nothing lmao.","as a lil experiment, i decided to start answering ""no"" to ""are you ok?""",1 +65,"both depression and mental exhaustion or burnout share a lot of the same things: + +\- no energy to do things + +\- bad sleep + +\- not in the mood to do things + +\- a very bad memory and not able to remember things + +\- not being capable of having fun because you feel so tired + +\- you want to do things but are just not able to do so cause you feel so crappy + +\- getting angry or irritated at everything and everyone + +how did you know that you were/are depressed and not just mentally exhausted or burned out? + +I learned that a depressed person might still want to do things but feel so tired and don't enjoy the things they wanna do or used to enjoy. + +i had some kind of medical form with a lot of questions and the result is that i have a very high score on distress and depression, but depression can cause high distress symptoms and high distress can cause depression symptoms. + +Anyone who can share some information? + +Ps, they claim i am clinically depressed for a few years now but i don't wanna die (i also don't care if i live or die. If i die then so be it).",how did you know that you were/are depressed and not just mentally exhausted or burned out?,1 +66,"I don’t deserve to transfer colleges. + +I have a scholarship at my current institution and it’s politically more healthy and accepting than the one I want to go to. + +The one where I’m transferring to isn’t as good but I have a friend group and we’re very warm. The politics of some members bother me though. + +I don’t deserve this. + +I have a scholarship ffs at my institution. + +What’s driving me away is the imminent threat of violence should I speak up about the abuse I endured at the church I grew up in which also has a branch at my university. + +I wanna die. + +Either high out of state costs with less accepting people but very warm and tight knit friends nonetheless or in state with more accepting environment but no friends and a gun on the back of my head in the mirage of “acceptance and environment”",I’m sad.,1 +67,"I know it just comes with trauma that I have no idea how to compact, and I feel so behind.. + +I live at home with my mom because of student loans from a degree I had to drop out of because her credit score wasn't good enough, and neither was mine. I now sit with 80k in student debt and only 20k would be gone if Biden finally wipes away student debt.. + +My mom right now has been more anxiety inducing than before. I get it, I'm overweight, I have mental health issues, need some sun and a better job, but it doesn't help when she berates and complains about it daily and comparing me to others. + +I barely eat as it is, and while she serves unhealthy food as well, she gets mad that I'm not eating healthy and moving like a fucking swan. I'm like 200 lbs full of anxiety, different kinds of odd combinations of grass and veggies in some green smoothies that tastes like eating someone's ass that hasn't showered for 3 years. Still gets mad that I eat unhealthy when she makes it and it's literally all we have. + +She gets mad that I don't spend time with her at all and prefer to hang out with my friends that are online. She tells me I look ugly and I should look better in clothes that look ugly on me as it is. + +Literally, she treats me just like my older brother did minus the sexual abuse I endured for 14 fucking years (which ended when I was 26 by leaving to art school and finally having a way to make it end by severing ties with him (well he did it with me) + +Being yelled at because I get anxious or depressed isn't a way to help someone unpack trauma nor help them get motivated about doing better. + +It's gotten so bad I can't focus on anything very well. I don't even have privacy to go and study to be a data analyst in Coursera because school is really expensive nowadays and i don't have the time to be able to go. + +I feel really stuck. + +And I know many people are gonna say it's procrastination and I get it might be, but it stems from an overflowing and ever-changing amounts of anxiety and depression that has never stopped. I can't afford therapy because that shit isn't covered, nor can I drive to one because I don't have a car nor do I have the money to pay for an Uber drive weekly along with whatever fee therapy comes with.bi also never have privacy so I can't do at home therapy. I have so little privacy my mom barges in and tries to talk to me even though I tell her I'm in a literal meeting. But if I try to set boundaries or do things myself I'm called an asshole... It's so much thrown at me I feel like I just freeze and just sit and do nothing because that's better than sitting with her and possibly be yelled and berated at for my weight for the umpth time even though she's heavy and diabetic herself. + +Yeah.. + +My live sucks right now...",(31f) I hate my life,1 +68,"I do it all the time when I'm around people. Obviously. But sometimes I catch myself smiling when I'm all alone, and when I think about how I'm feeling, I'm neutral at best. + +So why tf am I smiling? Anyone else experienced this? Can anyone tell me why?",You guys ever catch yourself smiling when you're not happy?,1 +69,"i dread when the sun goes down. because i’m officially all alone without anyone to keep me company, to keep me out of my head. normally i sleep pretty well, despite it all. i get to bed pretty okay. but for the last week, super vivid dreams have been causing me to wake up anxious and feeling like i barely slept. and what do i do to stop it? just sleep more! i haven’t woke up before 4:00 in the evening for the last week. i just don’t know what to do anymore. when i am up, if no one is around or i’m not on the phone with someone, i just cry. i cry and dwell on how crappy everything is right now. then i progress to berating myself for throwing pity parties all the time, or how hateful i’m starting to get with others in my sheer exhaustion. i’m sick of this. i just want it to stop.",feel like crap tonight,1 +70,"This might sound like an exaggeration but I'm being dead serious when I say I have not felt properly awake in months and it's awful. I don't know why I feel this way but its majorly impacting my life. I usually sleep for 15 hours a day and those other 9 hours are just me forcing myself to stay awake until I physically can't anymore. I've tried everything, I started working out and have lost 20 pounds since the year started and I still don't feel energized. I had to switch to online school due to several factors, but one of them was my inability to make it through the school day because I was just so tired that I couldn't function. I drink dangerous amounts of caffeine on the daily but even that doesn't help. I don't know what to do but feeling this way just makes me extremely suicidal. Being awake is painful.",I'm tired all the time,1 +71,"So, I (20f) became friends with this guy (27m) about a year ago. We get along well and talk mostly everyday. Of course there are days when he's not really active and vise versa and I completely understand that. In the past he's voiced not wanting to be alive and it worried me but his mood seemed to lift afterwards. Well, recently he started venting about life and told me he's contemplating killing himself. His mom's sick, he's the only one supporting his family financially and he's a single dad. I tried to do my best to listen and let him know I'm there for him but I'm still worried about him. I don't feel like anything I'm doing is enough. So I guess my question is how can I best help my friend.",How do I help my depressed friend?,1 +72,"Does anyone that currently hasn't had a job ever feel like they are useless? I graduated from University in 2022 (maybe it was 2021, Covid messed up my sense of time) to get a bachelors degree in Culture, Literature, and the Arts, but I am stuggling REALLY HARD to find a job. I don't necessarily need a job in that specific profession, but I do want a job that will at least make life manageable so I can eventually get my own place and move out of my parents basement. I've worked a temp job at my old University, but never had a ""real"" job where they wouldn't get rid of me after a couple of months. Right now I havent been able to find a good job that my parents will accept, and I feel like it is tearing me apart on the inside watching my friends and siblings move on in their lives while i'm struggling so far behind them, I honestly don't know what to do. I've cried about this before, on many occasions. It feels like my anxiety issues crush the soul out of me that I struggle everyday to get out of bed. Has anybody else dealt with this? How did you overcome it?",Job Hunting Related Depression,1 +73,"How can I help alleviate all of this depression I’m going through. It’s hard for me to leave the house or do the things I love without someone taking me and getting me out. Also, I keep putting it all on my partner and I can tell it’s a lot for them to see me like this everyday. If anyone can help I would appreciate it. I’m scared of how it may be ruining who I am as a person and sometimes I think it would be easier to just self sabotage or worse.",Putting my depression on others,1 +74,I've been fighting with my mom often. It's taking a big toll on the both of us and I've recently started to think that she might be right about how I am selfish and horrible to her. I'm so tired of things at this point and has thought of ending things multiple times. Telling her how I feel and think never is possible because I get so scared. I'm such a bad person where I can't even respect my mom but also so useless as I get to scared to end things.,I'm a horrible person.,1 +75,"i really hate myself so much, like i’m basically the worst… it’s impossible for me to even keep friends they always end up hating me like why can’t i just be normal like everyone else? my mind just spirals making me think about stuff i don’t want to and making me more and more depressed which then ends up making people i talk to hate me which then makes everything even worse like what’s even the point of my existence",i hate myself,1 +76,"I’m a failure, all my high school friends graduated college and have a partner. Meanwhile I’m 24 almost 25 with no college degree still trying to finish college. The person I fell in love with doesn’t love me back. Theres more to it but I don’t want to bother anyone by having to read such a long post. I honestly think the only thing keeping me in this world is my dog. I cry every night and I keep replaying all my failures and overthinking everything. I don’t know what to do.",I think I’m done with life honestly,1 +77,"People think I’m rude. I think I’m rude, because I look so cold, too. But the fact is that I’m too depressed and anxious to manage my facial expressions and responses. + +People think I’m weird. (I have SAD, ADHD and several other disorders which make me ‘weird’) I feel so misunderstood. I have BPD, I always feel like I’m abandoned by everyone around me. That makes me super anxious and depressed. + +I’m also anxious about many other silly things and it affects my daily life so badly. I feel like a failure. I’m really depressed. I wish I could just disappear forever. Every day I just wish that I could never wake up again. + +I wish I looked more like a normal person so people won’t notice me and talk about me.",I look so sad and cold every day.,1 +78,My mind is killing me it switches up so fast and I don't understand why I want to be alone but can't stand it and my stress jus fucking kills me over the dumbest shit too I have no way to fix it either I drink and cut and jus can't stop sometimes I want it all to end,my anxiety is crushing me,1 +79,i don't deserve to be alive i swear to god im such a fuck up i fucked everything in my life up i wish i could just die,vent,1 +80,"So, at the current time in my reality, I finished school around 2 years ago and have been jobless since; I've been living with my family. The days have become dull and time-wasting- I feel like my time sleeping and dreaming is more fulfilling and lively for me, than being awake... + + +When I wake up, I turn on my computer and- if I'm not doing something with my family, I'll sit for 12-14+ hours a day- with breaks of making food and stuff... +Everything has become obscurely pointless, I feel like I'm wasting my life on ""temporary"" things... A part of me, just wants to stay in the dark and discover the vast illusion of suffering- while the other part, wants to start and become something grand. + + +I despise how society is built, everything feels so complex and demanding. Many times again, I've wished that the world was of a past era- a downgrade, if you will- where economy, complexity, orderliness, greed and money wasn't discovered. + + +Anyways, probably gonna feel better tomorrow.",Confused about reason,1 +81,"My mortality recently hit me for real, and it's been sending me into a deep depression. Everything feels utterly pointless, because no matter how well I live, I'll die and not remember any of it. There won't be any legacy of me, since the universe itself will die in the end. Nothing has any point to it, we're just here to plug our ears and pretend that we're never going to die, despite also being certain of it. My whole life just fell apart, and now I can barely enjoy things knowing it'll all be gone. I keep mourning my friends and family, knowing everything I do with them amounts to nothing. No professional help or medication can change these things. Existence is just a prison where they dangle all these wonderful things in front of you, and then remind you that you'll be dead and none of it will have mattered. There's no afterlife, no legacy, nothing. This feels like the cruelest joke imaginable. I have zero motivation to pursue a career, knowing it's all for nothing. I can barely enjoy my hobbies, knowing they're just a distraction and won't be remembered by anyone.",Being born mortal is worse than not having been born in the first place.,1 +82," I’m 21 f, and my mom 61 , me and her never had the best relationship going ever since maybe a kid and even more now. Growing up it hurts that your mom and dad argue violently over the phone about their relationship and who doesn’t want to keep me back and forth I would cover my ears and rock even growing up I was very very munched bullied told my mom and nothing would be done even told her as a 10 year old I wanted to unalive… ignored me even told her a lot of time growing up and I didn’t have my dad alot due to him being on drugs and in and out of prison and my mom being upset about it losing her soulmate and going to my dad they have a very very rocky relationship and marriage and they could’ve been better off divorced even. One time she and him went all out on it changing locks separated even her leaving me with my little sister for weeks to see random men she just met but took each other back my mom has bully me about my weight even called me a hoe a bitch a disappointment and how much she wants me out of her house and everything hurts my feelings even calls my undiagnosed (very much have it ) adhd a retard Thing a problem and I have adhd and tells my dad about it like I’m. Such a retard…. She even threatened me many times to put me out a girl who’s does everything she ask for went to school getting decent or good degrades first to grad high school soon college and in college to be a teacher … but she wants to put me out and everything and not my 40 year old brother who literally has nothing going for him and has the nerve to call him the better child even though they rarely get into he calls her out her name and she does too I never done that to her no matter how mad Iam ,I don’t know what I did wrong my heart hurts. I seek attention from the wrong crowd from men from anybody just to be groomed to feel all sweet and happy in my heart and All I wanted is motherly love and a healthy relationship we do then something happens and I’m getting hurt naked called fat she and more my dad sometimes agree with her and even takes her side it’s rare when he takes my side he’s even worse at times I have mental breakdowns from them and even cry myself to bed wanting a loving relationship with them. Even had a few work mothers who I enjoyed it fills a hole in my heart even because of them they call me the sweetest names and talk to me about my issues than her brushing it off even my dad calling me weak all because of this I gained age regression and find comfort from this at late nights or when I’m all very much alone",My mother treats me like shit and I keep going back,1 +83,"For the last three years, I’ve experienced emotional detachment. It’s been so long that I forgot I have it. I have close to no emotional reactions to anything external. The only way I can make myself cry is if I’m pretending to be sad. I don’t feel anything and it makes me think I’m crazy. I don’t act numb because I fake my emotions. Even when I’m alone. I used to feel more. But now when situations occur when emotions would most likely come out, it doesn’t even feel like it’s happening to me. I could chop off all my hair and I would have no reaction. My sister got engaged and I had to fake my reaction. Whenever I hear news, it’s just like hearing words and that’s all. It doesn’t feel like I’m emotionless per se, it feels like I’m not even processing the situation in the first place. Logically, I know it’s happening but I don’t feel aware at all. Why is this? Is this depression? Am I a sociopath? I’d also like to bring up that I have been diagnosed with OCD. And I had a very emotionally abusive father at a very young age.",Emotional detachment,1 +84,"I 24(f) have spent the last 10 years of my life in a horrible depressive state. Despite this, I have gone to university, always been a people pleaser and maintained a fairly nice life. I have a nice car, my dream job and I have bought my own house. I realise this seems so nice and it’s such a far cry from reality to say I’m struggling but honestly things couldn’t be worse. The job that was my dream feels so difficult, all I do is work all week then spend my weekends drunk. I’m trying to break this habit but it’s hard. If it hadn’t gone on so long I would think it was because of alcohol but because I have felt like this for so long I think I am just destined to feel this way. I want to die but I’m too scared. How do we go on living in this state of wanting to be the best we can but also wanting to fade away into nothing?","I think I have everything, I still don’t want to live",1 +85,"I guess I’m a poly addict but rn it’s alcohol. I just turned 21. I’m wasting my life away drinking everyday, no job, I have one passion and it’s music but I don’t see it going anywhere. My gf is an alcoholic who blames me for her alcoholism. She asked if she could punch me in the face tonight. Called me a loser cuz I said she needed help. Idk I guess I’m just venting but I’m so lost and I feel like no one cares. My mom sends me $50 a week so I won’t bother her, that’s how I get my alcohol. I feel like such a bum loser, can’t even hold down a job let alone show up to an interview. It’s a cop out for sure but it’s because my anxiety. I get anxiety everywhere, I’m scared of shit like getting blown up Everytime I stop to fill up on gas. I’m scared of a gas line exploding at a food service place. I can’t even be outside with panic attacks that I’m gonna be struck by lightning. I just need help and idk where to turn it feels like everyone hates me or is disappointed. I feel like I won’t be here much longer I can’t deal with the anxiety or stress or apathy or anything I can’t do it anymore. I guess this is just a vent and I’m sorry if it breaks any rules but damn life is just weird and sad and I don’t get it. 21 btw if that makes a difference",Hate being sober,1 +86,"I was already having a pretty bad day today, feeling depressed, and feeling abandoned by people I care about. I figured I'd at least find some comfort in food, so I headed to my colleges dining hall buffet and grabbed a box to put some food in for takeout. Well I spotted one of the foods I really like, hashbrown casserole but that's not really important, and started grabbing myself a decent portion. But with how layered thin it was, to get a reasonable portion, it would take more scoops because of the thinness. Well I guess one of the workers spotted how much was gone from me scooping n they made jokes with one saying ""gah damn"" when looking over at me and his work buddies laughed. One of the others said ""don't worry about it, we're glad u enjoy it"" and I usually don't care about jokes like that, but after the day I had, that was the final straw. I finished grabbing my food, went to my room n broke down. First time I had cried in months because I was getting better at managing, but once everything starts piling up, you never know what can be the gum wrapper that topples the pile.",Even the smallest things hurt,1 +87,"I'm having really bad intrusive thoughts, well I assume they are intrusive, maybe they are just my thoughts. +I want to hurt myself. +I want to kill myself. +I want to hurt someone else. +I'm trying to distract myself. +But I'm also making an excuse in my head to go out and act on these. +Everything would be so much easier if I was dead. +I don't want to deal with this anymore.",I'm having bad intrusive thoughts.,1 +88,"I do not know where to begin. I found out my mom has stage 2 lung cancer and we have a complicated relationship. I love her but I do not like her as a person. She was very controlling, toxic and rough. I know she had the best intentions for me but she used shame to inspire me to be what she wanted. She helped to make me a people pleaser and obsessed with my weight. I do not hate her. I love her. I hate that I am not the daughter she wanted. She is trying to be kind now but it does not come naturally to her. + +I try to visit my folks every 2 months to help out as I am several states away. I am very sad as when my folks pass, they are both in their 80’s, I will not have any family of origin. + +I get sad thinking about attending a funeral. It is not sadness. It is deeper. I do not think I would be able to get on a plane. I think about this as my mom has let me know that I have to. I told her that I do not care what other people think. That is a lie. I do care deeply what others think. + +I am crying right now. It is more than my mom being sick. I grew up being told I was fat and told that everyone was talking about me. I know she just wanted a thin daughter and did not have the tools to tell me she would love me just as I am but was concerned about my health. She would just use guilt and shame to make me feel bad. I think she wanted to inspire me with these tactics. She and my dad both had rough childhoods and did not know how to parent. They sent me to good schools, bought me everything I wanted and tried their best with the limited knowledge they had. + +Still crying and feeling hopeless. I feel that my life has been so much to please them. And I failed according to them. They are both trying very hard to be loving now. I did not receive hugs growing up and do now. + +I am rambling. I just am very sensitive. I think my self esteem is so low that I do not know how to receive love now. +Please tell me if you had a complex relationship with a parent and how you handled end of life issues. How did you cope with a dying parent who made you feel like a failure ? +How do you go on after being told how terrible you are? +Why was she so rough? +Why did it take her finding out she has cancer to hug me and tell me I look good? +Why? +Will I find happiness after she dies? +Why do I hate myself? +Why why why and thanks.",Hopeless and want Hope,1 +89," It's just so hard. I've been trying to find a way to get better, but I just can't. + +My only goal lately has been to save money in order to move out of my parent's house. That's it. + +I just work and sleep. I miss being a kid.",I'm struggling to get a reason to keep going,1 +90,"I feel terrible. I don’t care about life. I don’t want to care about it. I don’t want things to get better. I just want out. these feelings are becoming crippling at this point and I’m struggling to take care of myself, kids or work. I have no interest or motivation to do anything. I am so very alone. I don’t wanna talk to other people anyway because I’m just bad energy and I hate to keep bringing that to people I care about. I live because I have two daughters that I love, but that’s it. I feel stuck and hate that I have obligations like work when I can barely stop crying all day.",i am at my lowest point,1 +91,"Today psychiatrist prescribed me antidepressants. After she asked if I would take them, I said ""maybe, but honestly I don't know if even want to get better"". Because I, to be completely fair, lost any sense in living, there's no worth in my presence on this world. Nonetheless, she said that my mind is simply trapped in this pesimistic way of thinking, and I have to believe it can and will get better using therapy and medication. + +But at this time, I do not want to. I've had a strong, suicidal episode recently. I'm waiting for it to come back and drive me to an attempt. Seriously, will these thoughts pass by or what? I have a strong sense meds won't help with that and I'm scared if they would actually work. I'll probably start taking them tomorrow. + +Can anyone share a similar experience with not wanting to get better?","Honestly, I do not want to get better",1 +92,"I am 29 now. + +I had job, good place to stay, healthy bank balance. Everything one needs until covid hit. + +I got this loud breathing condition which can't really be fixed. I cant really perform in interviews due to this. I lost my golden job in covid period, since then i slowly accepted lower paying jobs. Everyone around me elevated to new heights in meantime I here I am broke and I have nothing left to lose. + +My heath also has taken a hit. + +If anyone got any online job opportunity please let me know. + +934nf710nmv6@gmail.com + + here is my email. Or you can PM me. + +Please don't try to scam me, I have nothing left to lose.",Slowly losing my life after covid.,1 +93,"I really hate myself. I hate that when I get more depressed than usual, I crave external validation. It's all I can do not to seek attention from people when I feel like shit. + +I hate that I get strong crushes on people who show me genuine affection for a couple of days. + +I hate that I'm incapable of putting effort into changing my life and myself. + +I just want to be held and loved, and I hyperfixate on new people who I think care about me. I just want attention to make me feel better, and I hate it.",I hate the way I am,1 +94,"Because it’s so obvious. Let’s face it no one likes someone who isn’t comfortable in their own skin, it’s why people gravitate towards social, enthusiastic people who love themselves, these types of people are managers, well respected individuals with families. + +I’m bright, capable, yet I’m completely and utterly held back for the simple fact I hate myself. No one wants anything to do with me, you don’t get a sympathy card in life, either you love yourself and others will want to know you, or no one gives a shit and you are a “weird, creepy quiet loser.”",The worst symptom of depression for me is low self esteem.,1 +95,I am unattractive i’ll admit it society doesn’t view me as gorgeous or anything attractive. Society views black women as shrek monsters unless we straighten our hair or are visual mixed. It makes me mad that I’ll never be considered pretty by the mass scale. it always bothers me. I want to leave this planet so bad or die. I don’t ever want to be looked at by anyone ever again.,Fearing nothing will make me feel better,1 +96,"i’m reminded of my depression again, with a heavy and hollow feeling in my chest. it’s like someone is sitting on me, pinning me down, rendering me unable to do anything other than lay in bed. i feel this much stronger when i have to be alone with my thoughts. or, if i’m tired. these days i find that i’m always tired.",that not so funny feeling,1 +97,"It’s midnight. I have to get up at asscrack early tomorrow. I can’t go to sleep because of how fucking anxious I am. I feel like everyone fucking hates me and tolerates me for some reason. Maybe because they’re scared, maybe some sort of pity, I don’t know. I’m sick of being yelled at whenever I’m at home, I’m sick of it all. I can’t do this. I want out so badly but I can’t get away. I cried in school today because she screamed at me in the car. She didn’t care at all. Does anyone fucking care? People say they do, but realistically, there’s no reason. I wish people would just get it out of the way and stop being fucking pussies and just tell me if they had an issue so I could stop being a fucking burden. I’m pissed and I’m scared and I hate myself and I hate people around me and I wish I could just end it all right here and right now but I can’t because IM TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY. The closest thing I can do is starve myself and throw my guts up, which is a fun little tradition that I’ve had for over a year. Thankfully, my mother, being the kind soul she is, tells me that is bad and will make me fat. Thanks mom! I’m just so sick of this. I’m powerless and weak and I know I am and I wish I had access to a rope right now. I’ll probably forget all about this in the morning too, it’s just that today was a fucking hell day. I’m tired.",I (15F) cannot do this shit anymore. (Major TW: Suicidal talk),1 +98,"Is it normal to think only of negative things from the past or even see the past worse than it was while depressed? + +I keep going over a certain experience from the past the lasted for 2 years but it doesn't meet the criteria of PTSD, but there was mistreatment from superiors and bullying from other colleagues but it wasn't consistent, actually most of the time I was treated better except for some situations that I keep remembering till now. + +3 weeks ago I switched to a different SSRI and I started having symptoms like anxiety, panic, ruminating over that experience and feeling worthless which I think were withdrawal symptoms from the old drug (lexapro) + +I noticed that these symptoms come when there is something wrong with the medication or I am going through a stressful time. + +I got a panic attack at work and my manager noticed and when I asked for some time off to recover they stalled and then they released an exit visa from the country and told me I would work remotely from my home country but there is no guarantee that they would keep their word. + +So now I am faced with the possibility of going back to my country which is going through a tough time economically and uncertainty about finding a new job. + +I am now back to the old drug I used to take and increased the dosage to 30mg with the Dr's supervision. + +I am not sure if the medication is not working yet or that I am going through a challenging time so I am having anxiety. + +I spend most of the time alone in my hotel room thinking of the past and worrying about the future and I am just exhausted. + +Your insight would be appreciated",Depression and memories of the past,1 +99,No matter how much I try to change I never feel like I belong or like I’m enough… not sure what to do anymore…,Feeling like I don’t belong,1 +100,"I don't like posting anything about myself online because in the long run I feel like it only makes things worse, but i need advice from people with experience. I'm 30 years old, and despite having a job that allows me to pay the bills I feel the lowest I've ever felt in my life. I'm mentally and physically exhausted the majority of the day, and despite making changes in my diet and exercise I feel completely empty. + +I felt better and more alive when I spent my weekends heavily drinking, even though those nights would usually end with me having heart palpitations and feeling like I was going to die. At least when I was inebriated I could feel a spark of the happiness I had when I was younger and that feeling made me want to drink more and more just to keep that spark alive. Unfortunately, now when I drink I get panic attacks that take days for me to get over so it's not even an option for me anymore. + +For the first time in my life I'm considering therapy because at this point I don't know what other alternative to turn to. The only reason its taken me this long to consider it an option is because I feel like I already know what a therapist would say to me. As pessimistic and presumtuous as it is, it seemed pointless. I'll admit It would be nice to vent to someone but is that really all there is to it? I have to be wrong. + +I'm going to look for a therapist first thing tomorrow, but in the meantime I want to hear from those of you with experience. Did any of you share similar skepticism and end up surprised by the results? Thanks in advance for your input.",I need therapy.,1 +101,"Why is life so overwhelming? + +Why do I always have to worry about everything? + +Why do I keep making bad choices? + +Why can't I just have a normal life?",Why?,1 +102," +I hate this world, I hate this life, and I hate myself. I hate who I am. I hate how I am. I hate the way I sound. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate existing. Every time I go to sleep I pray I won’t wake up. Every time I wake up I face the disappointment. I’m so tired of being a burden. I’m so tired of ruining everything around me. I’m so fucking tired of being me. I don’t want to be here anymore. Everything breath I breathe is more than I can take. Every day that passes I become more curious/ eager to find out what happens after death. Everyday I fight the urge to find out. I can’t go one hour without pointing out everything wrong with me. I can’t go a day without wishing I wasn’t here. It doesn’t get better. It never will. Every time I make the tiniest bit of progress life come and hits me like a fucking bus breaking down and destroying everything I’ve worked so hard to build up. I’ve come to the conclusion I just wasn’t made for living. Wasn’t made to survive. The longer im here the worse and longer I’ll suffer. Im so tired. Im so alone. No one understands. No one listens. No one cares. They never have. I crave the feeling of being loved. The feeling of being normal and accepted. I have nothing in my life nor have I done anything with it. What’s the point in trying to make someone I hate thrive? What’s the point of living a life I’ve never wanted. A life I’ve never felt loved or welcomed in. I’m ready to go. I don’t find myself being scared of what will happen to me anymore. I don’t find myself wondering if there’s a heaven or hell. I don’t find myself worrying how it’ll feel. I only seem to think that whatever’s waiting can’t make me feel worse than I already do. I have no one and nothing. Everyone in my life says I’m overreacting or doesn’t even listen enough to understand how I feel. I’m so worthless and useless. I feel so pathetic. Can’t get the energy to get out of bed so I just sit here with my thoughts and they eat me alive. Im not eating. Im barely drinking. Im not living. So whats the point? Why am I here?",I’m so close to giving up.,1 +103,I can't seem to want help. Maybe it's because every time I've sought out help they haven't helped me and just throw me in a mental hospital but now I just can't ask for help. What do I do?,Getting help,1 +104,"I am just curious that is there anyone just like me. If yes, I really need some advice. + +I recently had a very bad depression episode few days ago, and even though I am done with the episode and my emotions are more stable right now, my brain doesn’t seem to be functioning in any way. + +I thinking of everything but nothing at the same time. Like I really can’t catch my thoughts or even think anything logically or sensibly. And I feel like a zombie, just do everything based on experience and instinct. + +And the worst part is, people don’t understand that because you look completely normal and functional. They think you’re fine now because you stop crying or being depressed. You can finish normal tasks or conversation because you are in autopilot mode, but when it comes to something that requires more brainpower, you are broken. + +And sometimes it takes weeks or months to really snap out it but life doesn’t give you the luxury of doing that. It stresses me out. + +How on earth do I suppose to do to deal with this?",Brain can’t function after a depression episode,1 +105,"I just lie about being happy but when I drink and smoke ik the truth. I honestly don’t see myself living past 30, I’m just going through the emotions and trying to survive.",I just lie about being happy,1 +106,"I am SCREAMING and no one hears me. +I sob, constantly. I can’t deal with these lows anymore. It’s like everything crashed at once and I’m too shook to even pick up the pieces. I crave peace. Comfort in any way. All I do is cry to myself. I did everything I could to fix this. Medication, therapy and so much more. +And yet the water is rising. Still.",Still.,1 +107,"I have all these emotions inside of me that are just trapped inside. I cant express myself the way i want to and its killing me. I show almost 0 emotion every single day and i feel like an outcast. I can laugh, smile, be excited in front of people, but i only do it for them not for myself. When i am alone i get this certain feeling in my head of all my feelings trying to come out at the same time. I hold it in and it feels indescribable, like a literal wave nothingness that washes over me. Then i just hold the blankest face ever, i do this almost all the time except when listening to people and talking to them. Its so hard just observing my life with no feelings. Occasionally it will become too much and i overflow with tears and confusing feelings, but nobody knows this. I get this feeling of laughter and denial that turns into a feeling of sadness and tears. I hate this, i hate myself. I hate that i feel weird being told “i love you” by a family member and being unable to say it back, i want to but i just cant, i don’t know. Im so sick of myself. I dont like it when people do something nice/thoughtful for me because deep down i don’t want anyone to care for me so i can kill myself leaving the smallest impact i can.",I feel nothing,1 +108,"I've been depressed for a few years now. I don't feel totally lost. Somewhere inside me, I still have hope, I still have a real belief that it's possible for me to feel normal and happy again. But there's a much stronger feeling, an overwhelmingly powerful one, that even if I *could* be happy again, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve support from others, I don't deserve to make small gains for myself. Every time I start to move in a positive direction, every time others give me advice and offer help, every time it seems like I'm finally digging myself out of the hole.... I stop myself. I hurt myself. I don't let myself get better, because I feel like I don't deserve to be better. + +I hate it. It feels totally inescapable. No matter what progress or advantage I'm giving, I end up deliberately damaging it and tossing it away, because I can't escape the feeling that I deserve nothing but suffering, that it's an injustice to the world if I get better. + +Does anyone else feel this way? Is there any way to feel worthy?",Constantly held back by not feeling worthy of getting better.,1 +109,"I have no one to talk to about my struggles. I am completely alone save for the limited social interaction I receive at work, and even that is only as much as is professionally necessary. I used to be able to smile and laugh to people, but I've been so lonely for so long that it takes everything I have to keep that up anymore. Everyone around me can tell that I'm sad, and that just makes me feel all the more unwanted and disdained. The last 2 people I opened up to got so much secondhand stress that they completely shut me out. Every second I'm not at work I'm just sitting in my empty house. There's no joy in anything anymore. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to on a day-to-day basis. This all just feels so fundamental that I don't even know where to begin to solve it. There's no real conscious impetus to my actions anymore, just listless impulse driving my every thought. The only thing I know for sure in all of this is that every day is the saddest I've ever been.",The soul-crushing loneliness is just too much,1 +110,"I cried myself to sleep again last night. I was lucky to have loving parents which is why I would not kill myself until they pass. And I pictured myself apologising to the friends I have intentionally drifted from, and hoping they will feel less pain now that we are essentially strangers. Then I started sobbing because my parents are getting older and they will really pass soon, and I'm terrified of death. I'm scared that the darkness of death would be darker than any darkness I've been enveloped in and that I would truly cease to exist. That no one would remember I was once a person with noble and great aspirations to better the world and now I am merely ashes. But living is so painful, and I've been seeking this release for over a decade.","I'm so terribly afraid of death, but I'm also afraid of living.",1 +111,"I hurt her deep deeply. She was the love of my life and I threw it away for casual sex. + +We were so connected. On such a deep level. We were miles apart, yet I could feel her in my soul. All the time. + +We were one. + +And I hurt her deeply. + +I cared for her, showed her new things, loved her, wanted the best for her. + +But alcohol brought out my shallowness. + +It’s not the fact that it’s over. + +It’s seeing her face of devastation when I told her every time I close my eyes. + +She has told me to forgive myself and move on. + +But I just can’t. I would do anything to take back what I did. + +I would trade 1000 lifetimes for one minute with her. + +I am at my lowest right now.",I feel my soul is dead/very damaged,1 +112,"having a hard time right now, and ontop of the things making life harder the plans i was counting on to cheer me up fell through. Left just angry at everyone and everything. This person knows I'm having a shit time right now too.",angry and disappointed,1 +113,"I talk a lot, I get it from people not wanting to talk to me as a child or telling me I talk to much when I share something I enjoyed. Which created childhood depression and it effected me in several ways and still does 14+ years later (I’m 19 to put that into perspective to just how long I’ve had dealt with this). One of my earliest memories is wanting to become a smart muggle witch like Hermione from Harry Potter. I was so exited about the films I would talk to almost everyone I came across about HP, well almost everyone told me I can’t/I will never be able too/that’s bad/ect but more than anything they would tell me I talk to much, it isn’t ladylike to speak that much. I was 5 years old. As the years went by I was told not to speak often, and anytime I spoke about anything I knew something of such as history or science and especially if I was excited about it I would be cut off and told I spoke to much. All of my “friends” growing up would ignore me in groups or not pay attention if I wanted to join the conversation. Bc of that I became a wall flower and I over tall when people talk to me. I get very depressed most days due to my excessive talking. I know my excessive talking is coming from anxiety, but the depression of feeling alone hurts more. Thank you for reading this if you do read this.",I just want to rant about my depression and anxiety from my depression,1 +114,I’ve been with my bf for almost 10 years and I feel like my relationship is at its end . We have no patience for one another . We are so aggressive to each other . He used to be abusive but hasn’t hit me in almost a year . I’m so scared to be alone but I know I can’t stay like this forever . What do I do ?,I’m so sad,1 +115,"My family is wonderful. My parents are generous, understanding, kind, and helpful. My little sister is supportive and great. I’m the black sheep, always jealous of her, watching her live the life I was always supposed to live. I pigeonholed myself in life and she is four years younger and doing everything I wanted to do, living the life I wanted to live, and it hurts me so deeply to see it. It makes me want to separate myself from them entirely. I hate that I can’t be happy for her because of my jealousy. I hate that knowing that she is doing everything I wanted to do makes me want to end my life. I want to cut off contact with them completely, but I have no good reason to other than it fucking hurts every single day being a member of the family. I don’t want to be involved at all.","Seeing my family makes me want to die, and I have no good reason for it",1 +116,"(26 year old female) sorry for the long post… I’ve been on anti depressants for about the last 12 years of my life. I was always on 100 mg zoloft & then switched to 20 mg lexapro in 2018, but went off of them for about 6 months in 2021 to try to live without them. At the end of those 6 months I started to get dizzy more often & have what I can only describe as uncontrollable thoughts. Not suicidal or thoughts of harming anyone, but I just did not feel in control of my emotions and I felt like I was gonna lose my mind lol & very depressed. So I got back on lexapro 20 mg & after a few months I started to feel average at best but better than before. August 2022 I started to get brain zaps/dizziness every day for over a month so I went to a new psychiatrist and got back on Zoloft 50 mg to start. I worked my way up to 75mg & started to feel a lottttt better, but in December my dad died and I was extremely close to him so that obviously set me back. I went up to 100 mg around Feb 2023 and have been having issues ever since. Very dizzy, lots of anxiety & panic attacks, and the weird uncontrollable emotions/thoughts and always feeling on the brink of a panic attack have been happening since. It gets A LOT worse at night and that’s when most of my issues arise. +Within the last 6 months I’ve seen an ear doctor to make sure I didn’t have inner ear issues causing dizziness, an eye exam (I got a small prescription mostly for being on my phone/computer or reading), and I got an MRI done and saw a neurologist. All has always come back normal so I’m thinking it’s a medication issue or lack of something. I’m mostly looking for advice or comfort to make me feel better since I’m not doing well lol. Thanks for reading ❤️",Support and advice greatly needed,1 +117,"What do you do when you don't feel nothing anymore? +I felt loneliness and sadness for a long time. +Now I feel nothing, empty. +Nothing interests me, nothing makes me happy +, I don't care about anything and anyone no more. +I feel like I'm dead",Numbness,1 +118,"Not one more day of this torment. I fucking beg you every fucking night to take the life away from me. Right to the point I am awake, I am in despair, then I sleep and all suffering cannot be felt, only to wake again, realizing that it will be another day of agony. I am not interested in living. You have given me plenty of gifts, but all I have known is to throw them away. Now the only gift I ask of you is death. It will be your final gift to me, and the one gift I will treasure.","Please God, I do not wish to see the light of tomorrow. Take me away while I sleep fastly",1 +119,"I can't tell anyone else so I'll say it here + +I have no particular circumstantial problems, traumas etc in life, yet I feel like absolute shit. I feel like I'm cutting myself just to shoehorn myself into a community and feel like I have a problem, so that I can blame all my shortcomings and failures on that ""mY dEpReSsIoN"" instead of owning them up like a normal functioning adult and improving. But noooooo I waste everything I have, all the resources at my disposal, and its funny because I actually am disposing them down the drain lmao. I am just acting things out in this elaborate drama I have constructed for myself so that I can feel like a victim of my own imagination, make up problems where there aren't any, and poach resources away from those actually suffering. + +You know I sometimes take a blade to my hand but I get scared. I get terrified, that probably is a primal instinct. That definitely means I am faking it all, right. If I really hated myself and wanted to kms, I'd be able to sink it deeper, with no regards to the pain. But noooo, all I can do is barely see the white. Because if I was really wanted to kms, I'd have something to show for it. If I'm really suffering, I should've been able to cut deeper just to deal with the ""emotional pain"" that I apparently have. But wait, I can't slide-and-dice deeper - if everything in my life is all fine and dandy, yeah that's right. I'm a fraud. I can't, so that clearly shows I'm not in pain. can't even get a drop out. I'm a fucking fraud + +How do people do it. Deal with the pain and just slice away down deeper. I wanna be able to do it. I'm fake as fuck. + +Man why am I so pathetic, fucking failure of an adult at 25, goddamnit",I'm sick and tired of this bullshit,1 +120,"I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel like I have any support. I don’t feel like I can go to anyone and I can tell them exactly how I am feeling because they’re gonna quote some bullshit Bible verse or tell me I’m being so dramatic. My mom doesn’t like listening to me talk but little does she know she needs to cherish my ramblings cause one day I’m gonna just jump in front of the G train and she’s gonna wish she listened to me cause it would be her last day hearing my voice. + + I want to spend the rest of my life doing something I’m passionate about that I simply don’t care if I’m gonna make any money at all. I want to feel something so bad but I feel nothing. I have no real goals, no real accomplishments, no real aspirations. + +And I’m trying so hard to see the brighter side. I’m trying so hard to be positive. I’m trying so hard to find the balance but it’s not working. It’s times like this when I’m sitting in silence where there are no sounds and I don’t have my headphones to drown out all these negative thoughts. I have to sit with them in silence suffering. + +I want friends and I want to build meaningful relationships with people but people are just so tiring I hated having friends but brushed it off as maybe I wasn’t friends with the right people. They were so overwhelming I just wanted to be quiet all the time. + +I don’t know. I don’t know whether I want to die or if I want to live. If I live my life it won’t be mine, and if I die supposedly my life won’t be mine either according to some book of stories.",Mmm… just some thoughts if you can relate 🙏 congrats,1 +121,"I feel so so sad and there s no one to talk to. I might be attracted to a guy that is a friend of my bf( we re in an open relationship so it s a lil bit tricky) and like I wanna do stuff with him ig but yea. Anyway I m the only one up, alone and I feel so so sad. I feel like a failure and somehow I feel lije I m drowning. i feel like there s no escape and I can t break the vicious circle that I feel stuck in. I m going to therapy for a few months now and I m struggling. Quite a lot. Everything feels pointless, doesn t make any sense. It might be the fact that I m exhausted. It might the fact that I m tired. It might the fact that I m slightly tipsy now. I went clubbing tonight and i felt kinda shitty at first bc one of my best frens felt shitty too. I hate it. Anyway I understood i m not good when We had to go home earlier and I still +Wanted to drink, but to drink until I forgot bout myself. I wanted to drown in smth that is not the suffocating feeling of being constantly under pressure. What pressure? Idk. But i feel constantly smth in my stomach and my whole body. And when not, I am brain empty. That s why I am brain empty. Bc when I m brain fool, nothin good happensz",I m deeply sad,1 +122,"When I was in high school, I always get praised by my parents and others since I am doing well in my studies. But now that I am in my 2nd yr of college, I am failing my courses and I am not learning. We are not financially stable, and my tuition fee is not a joke. I keep on thinking of ending my life since I am a failure and I keep on disappointing my parents and relatives. My parents keep on comparing me to others and I don't want that. I am doing my best and my best is not enough to pass my courses. I want to end the suffering of my parents by ending my life.",Failure,1 +123," I HATE when I say things like ""Killing myself is easier than going to college to get a job that I will hate later"" people keep saying ""there's people in the hospital that would give everything to be in your place"", like, bro, I know that and you're just making things worse by making me think that I must be happy all the times because I not in the hospital, but I'll die someday and I want that soon, because then at least I'll be remebered by some people that will be still alive. + And also I hate that everything that I do it seeem like I'm the worst at it, even if it's just me and one other person, they will always be beter than me, and I was talking about that with one of my techers and she said ""then what do you like?"", nothing, literally everything that I do is because my mom wants me to do it and I'm too afraid of making her sad/angry by saying that I don't like it. +(Sorry for the ranting, btw)",It doesn't help me.,1 +124,I'm drunk and I know it's just inevitable but hey let's take it a day at a time,I know I'm going to kill myself one day,1 +125,"money isnt important, a steady check is, unemployment is hardly likely that i would win decision against an employers lawyer, or ppo doctor. i may not have a home, so i need to find someplace i can go and be homeless until i starve to death. or preffered, quick and painless, rather than a lifetime of suffrage. idk who my mother and father are but they were neglegent with me, and guns, and beat me physically to cause permanent injury","i think after losing enough jobs, and now jobless again, 45 and i can acknowledge life is over, i need to find a llace to throw away my car, and other valuables, selling them would be a waste of time",1 +126,"Being high functioning is really draining. +I can uphold a mask of normality for a period of time, but Jesus Christ is it exhausting. +In the presence of people, I act. I convince them that I’m fine, I begin to convince myself too. And for a few moments sometimes I forget. Sometimes. +Until I get into bed and I’m staring at the ceiling, feeling an empty sense of longing for God knows what. Why do I feel like something’s missing? +Emptiness engulfs me at the realisation of the futility of it all. Life. +My body aches, my eyes burn and I just want to be unconscious. +And I think to myself, is this all that there is? + +Most of my life, I’ve felt this dark presence lurking in the corner of my mind. Like a feral black dog following me around, just hungrily waiting to devour me. I somehow always manage to find strength to keep moving, but it always follows. +Sometimes, I just greet it, and lay down in despair. + +Think I need my meds again xox",Late night thoughts,1 +127,"I feel like all I do is go in circles nothing ever changes nor will it, I feel as though i make progress and I think I feel happy for an amount of time and then I get sent back into the hole. Hopeless, worthless, a failure and dissapointment to everyone around me who has tried to help and may think that I'm fine not knowing what is going on in my head for fear of criticism or pity, I hate myself. I've fully accepted death although this is not a suicide note or an indication of one, I have previously attempted and for awhile felt no remorse or regret from doing so. And even now I wish I would've given it 100% as I feel I have no use or purpose and all I ever do is dissappint both myself and others, I am worthless. Nothing I jave ever done is fulfilling past the honeymoon phase of finding a new hobby, I never have the drive or discipline to keep at it I see the mountain I have to climb and it all seems so pointless to me. And I am left a failure again until I decide to do something else and fail once again. I don't deserve anything I have or anyone that is friends with me. I don't understand what other people see in me I wish even for a mpment I could see myself through their eyes because my own only hat and loath me. I have tried so many times to change how I see myself how I think about myself but it all cokes back to the same place, self hate, hopelessness, and despair. Sorry for this wall of text I know this doesn't help anyone and im questioning if its even wirth saying anything. I really just don't know what to do.",Stuck and too afraid to ask for help from anyone because im a disappointment,1 +128,"Hey, I need help with my friend over here. He's finally got a psychiatrist that he needs, and is currently scared of getting anti depressants. I've googled the pros and cons of them, what are your expirences and how can I help him tell his psychiatrist no?",My friend needs help,1 +129,"I feel like there's no hope for me b/c all my therapist have been quite shitty at times. My very first ""official"" one made me fall in love with her, she'd grab my hand tell me I was special, she'd say I was the best client. She would drive me home at night & leave me in the corner, then she would buy my siblings toys (who she knew were my whole world/ reason of living). She'd buy me sweaters b/c again she knew I was sh & always wore one, so she bought me a couple expensive ones & would ask I wear them when I saw her. Then she ghosted me!! After Christmas break she never came back. The 2nd one I saw after 2 years, she would tell me my mom didn't love me & I have sh<t self esteem so when I was groped in the bus she said ""well on the brightside you can't be that unattractive, he must have found you attractive enough to do that"". Horrible sh<t she'd say! Then the 3rd one, told me that my ed can't be that bad b/c I ""looked fine"". Finally my current one, basically encourages my self harm! She said she'd get me wipes to do my ""aftercare"". When I told her I was pressured into smoking cigarettes she said ""honestly you have worst shit to worry about than smoking cigarettes"".. I'm so f<cking tired!! I'm trying to get better!! People always say ""oh if u don't ask for help, how can you ever get better"" well I AM!!! I DID!! But why have I been treated this way! I'm so tired of reaching out & no one helping & just making it worse! I'm so tired... my mind can't afford to reach out to anothertherapist! Please I just want someone to care, to help me.",All my therapist have added to my trauma,1 +130,"to find a job i need a car, i need a job to put gas in it, i need a job for insurance, i dont have a job, i have a car i could lose and walk to work, somewhere close, but no, a car is required, reliable transportation. then theres home, i need a job for a home, my family uses narcotics, i dont want to live with them, nor be thrown out again, soo, i still cant find a job that will let me work in peace, i dont have any career, anything is fine, as long as i dont have to be happy, i cant fake it.","i think whats depressing is,,,(working out the bugs)",1 +131,"We'll all go to heaven if there really is, because this life and world is already hell.",Heaven,1 +132,"I’ve been dealing with depression since I was a teenager. I had a suicide attempt in high school, had to be committed to a psychiatric hospital for a couple weeks (which was highly traumatic)and was on I believe Zoloft for a few months until I moved to self medicating with alcohol and realized that the 2 don’t mix well. I’ve seen multiple therapists, but I have a very hard time being honest and open and I’ve had therapists outright drop me as a client because I wasn’t making progress. Also when I was drinking heavily it was hard to make appointments so I stopped going. + +I’ve come a very long way from this. I very rarely drink now, but I never went back to therapy or medication. I cope by staying extremely busy but I struggle on the weekends when I have less to occupy myself with. I feel like I need something to help. I’m unsure about meds because even before I could never find a dosage that helped and I don’t know if I want to start that process over again. And I also now have a masters in psychology and i have enough insight into myself to be able to understand my behavior. So I don’t think a therapist can do anything for me that I can’t do for myself, and I doubt that I can be completely open. + +Idk what I’m looking for, I guess just advice if I should try to get treatment, if it would be worth it.",Advice on treatment options?,1 +133,I just failed the test to get my GED and my family thought I was going to pass it but I didn't I feel like disappointment and I disappointed them they had confidence in me they say I'm smart and I'm a genius but in reality I'm not I'm dumb and stupid and I let them down I feel so worthless and pathetic so now I'm going to drink bleach or any other chemical I can find in my house so I can get so sick that I die I can't do this anymore I don't want to disappoint or let anyone else down,I failed I'm going to kill myself soon,1 +134,"It has been this way for so long, I can't imagine myself without feeling this way. It started off as crying myself to sleep because I didn't feel at home and safe no matter what I did. Everything was out of place, my existence was wrong. Around 4 years after that, which is now, I started antidepressants. Idk if they really don't work and my body is fighting against them, or if I put myself in the “they don't work” mindset to the point they actually don't. But the first few weeks I was horrified of actually getting better. Now that the meds stopped working, I'm not panicking anymore. Starting treatment was my dream for so long, now I hate the idea of it. I find comfort in my sorrows. I got too deep into being helpless and accepted that I couldn't get out, so I decided to make it a safe space for myself. I don't know if I want to be better. I never thought healing would be harder than my depression. I have no idea if I'm weird or stupid, or maybe both. I feel helpless.",Sometimes I find comfort in my depression,1 +135,"I feel like no one even notices anything, for example some days I can’t get out of bed the whole day and no one even questions me about it. Is this normal? The only moments my family mention my disfunctional behaviour is when they’re joking about it. Im baffled honestly.",Does your family realise what is going on?,1 +136," + + + +I'm feeling very demotivated depressed hopeless sad and not having the will to live anymore + I just can't get this feeling out of my head no matter how hard I try from a couple of months ago +This feeling has been growing much stronger since a last week. +I am not exaggerating but nothing feels real anymore , I am just doing things to cope with this but that is not even working. +I don't feel like doing anything. +Can't even focus on studies or anything. + + +I have my personal problems which are ruining my health, stress has probably become an underlying health condition in my body which I don't know because I stress a lot.",How do I stop this feeling to give up on life and how it's not worth it?,1 +137,"Im so sad all the time, i have barley and friends and no love interest. Im out of shape and sad. Im not meant for this generation or this age of humanity. I wanna go back but im stuck here. I feel like a glass bottle filled with stones and the cap is glued on shut. I wanna end it all but i cant im to big of a pussy to do so",Not for this life,1 +138,"I would always have thoughts but would be too scared to go through with anything, but now I’m not scared. I could know I was going to die tomorrow, and I wouldn’t care. I’m scared because I don’t know if when I have another breakdown I’m gonna do something in the moment that I can’t take back.",I’m scared because I’m not scared,1 +139," (not saying people here are fake but I’ve become more of a hermit). Want to move back home and pursue schooling/certification (medical billing and coding). Feeling insanely depressed here. + +So I made the move out here last year 2 months before turning 29. + +At first I enjoyed it. I’m able to buy weed whenever I want, I get a better pay than I did back home, and I don’t feel like a child living at home. And the weather was pretty nice. + +But over time, it started wearing on me. I miss my nieces and every time we’ve factimed they look so much older. I feel sad that I’m not there. I miss my family and our family dog. Also I ran out of my ADHD/anxiety/depression medications and haven’t tried finding a new psychiatrist/therapist because I don’t want to deal with the hassle of searching around. + +I feel like I haven’t really connected to anyone here. I thought going out and snowboarding here at the resort almost everyday, that someone would recognize me and I’d make friends (which is what happened back home), but it hasn’t happened. I have no dating life at all. I get 3 or 4 days off a week and spend them alone. Sometimes I’ll game with my high school friends online, which is the only thing I really look forward to, but this fucks my sleep schedule even more. + +I work overnights and barely get any social interaction anymore. I try sleeping during the day but it’s difficult because my neighbors like to play their music super fucking loud. Why don’t they just wear headphones? + +My sleep schedule is shit. I hate going to run errands because I have to walk 15 minutes to my car. + +I snowboard for like 2 hours and then feel like going home because I get overwhelmed by the lengthy lines. + +Once the season ends, they’ll switch me back to evenings as opposed to overnights, but then I’ll have to get a roommate. Having a roommate in these tiny ass dorms is horrible and I don’t like it. No privacy at all. + +When I go back home, I want to start regularly going to therapy again, but am thinking “how can I do that if I don’t have a job”. How do I ensure I have a job when I get back home? I don’t live there right now so how the hell do I get interviews????",29M. Moved out for the first time in August to work at a ski resort for a year. I feel so lonely and have no real friends here.,1 +140,Ditto.,"A close friend of mine took 280 mg of Dexedrine this past Monday as a suicide attempt, but for some reason he hasn’t told anyone besides me, and he never went to the hospital. What kind of danger could he still be in? I want to convince him to get help for it, but he thinks so much time has gone by.",1 +141,"I heard from my therapist that anger and depression often go hand in hand, but I feel like it's kinda going off the rails for me. +does anyone have more experience with this?",anger,1 +142,"To make this short and to the point. I’ve had depression/anxiety my whole life. It’s nothing new other than with age it seems to just get worse. I’ve been through the system for help and here I am again. +I have a 15 month old who would be better off without her depressed mother around. My whole family is effected by my moods. It’s not fair to anyone and I definitely don’t want to be the reason everyone is walking on eggshells. I grew up like that and it’s not fun and look at me…I have problems. +I believe it’s better for me to disappear than subject my family to this terrible illness. I’ve read how having a depressed mother can effect a child. I also know first thing. I stress my husband out like no other. It can all be solved if I just leave. My husband asks where to? I don’t know, I have no one so probably the streets. Obviously he’s not ok with it but again better than subjecting everyone to this bs. It seems like a fair trade for a better life for them and I’m put out of my misery. It’s already hard enough to live with this crap to add more guilt and shame it just doesn’t make sense.",I’m a depressed mother who is debating on leaving her family.,1 +143,"I just stood there,staring.sometime it can even felt like days,weeks,or even years pass by when truth is just a couple of minutes.i feel despair everytime i look at my miserable existant + +Everytime happy memories come.it will be season with hours of nightmares and bad memories.i know am not a good son to begin with. + +Being born as gay,not being as smart as other people.and quite honestly not really good at making friends.even me disappointed in myself.",Grief making me feel bad everytime i look at people with their parents,1 +144,"Throwaway because the people in this post have reddit accounts. I (28F) am married to a wonderful man (32M) let’s call him Mark. We have been married for 7 years now and I grew very close to his family as they live in the same city as us while my family is in another country. + +His brother Maison (30M) and I grew very close and we have a great friendship, laughing together, talking about life, etc… as time went by I started noticing that i was being supportive and there for him and the opposite isnt true. + +Now for a little backstory, Maison went through a very tough phase in his life and got depressed and suicidal, he went to therapy and started getting back on his feet again but he was never the same. This happened 3 years ago and after that experience he became very self-centered, inconsiderate yet very sensitive and also does not accept any type of criticism. He literally turned to a manchild. Only wants to game all day, doesnt help the people around him, is very dependent even in the smallest things. Mark is always walking on eggshells around him for this reason because he is scared that he would say / do anything that will cause Maison to relapse into depression. + +I on the other hand am a little tougher on Maison. I sometimes feel like his family not saying anything when he is rude or acting like a child because they are afraid to hurt his feelings are turning him into a very immature and irresponsible man who is never held accountable. + +He moved in to live with us temporarily to save some rent money till he gets his life together. He adopted a dog, and let her go because he didnt train her properly and she became aggressive with separation anxiety. Then he adopted another dog and the same thing happened again and he let him go. He wants so many things in his life but wouldnt want to put the hard work or the responsibility. + +My question is, should we go easy on him because of his mental health? Or is going easy on him will make his life harder later because he will get used to life without any responsibility or accountability?",Are we Supportive or destructive,1 +145,"I made all the wrong decisions. I have no one to blame but myself. + +Now I'm alone. + +I just want a hug. What does that feel like such a selfish request? + +Is there anyone out there that needs someone to talk to? I'd like to that person because helping you might be what saves me.",Help.,1 +146,"I tried using the (US based) s***ide text hotline tonight. After replying ""YES"" to accept terms and conditions and be connected to a counselor a good dozen times, I gave up. Had to block the number to stop getting notifications asking me if I accepted the terms and conditions and wanted to be connected to a counselor. Go America. + +I guess I just want to go on record that I am begging for fucking help, just for someone to fucking care, I tried at least a dozen times over to engage with the AI interface to get an actual human being.... fucking shit. Fuck everything.",Text helpline is useless,1 +147,"Was in a good mood today and I feel it dissipating, I’m terrified of going back down into that pit. There’s no hope down there, only agony and self hatred. + +Why can’t I escape this? Why does my past always drive me to feeling suicidal?",Here comes the low...,1 +148,Any suggestion to sleep easily? I cant sleep until morning. Just lying in bed and wishing dead..,Sleep,1 +149,"I’m on medication and i do all the things people recommend, i got a bike for university so that i’d stop being sedentary, i try to keep my room clean and i even force myself to go out with friends and socialize. + +But i realized i don’t enjoy socialization, they say humans thrive on socialization, but I don’t feel that I do. + +People feels like a chore for some reason I never really miss my friends or miss going out with them. +Every time they ask me to go out I make up an excuse and humor them and on the rare occasion i did go with them I would go home early. They will try to prolong the outing as much as possible. Maybe have a couple of drinks and play video games late into the night but I genuinely can’t find it in me to wanna be around them and it isn’t about them as people they’re actually very sweet and accepting wonderful people. + +They are kind hearted and patient and one of them even cooks for us sometimes it isn’t about them. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I just can never seem to enjoy being around people it’s supposed to be healing to be a part of a community to feel like you belong, to go out with friends and to get out of the slump you are in. + +A lot of people tell me it’s not good to lay in bed all day or to be in inside your apartment, watching YouTube and movies and playing video games alone but I genuinely feel that I don’t have the same functions that other humans do I don’t have the thing that makes me want to be around others. It just isn’t an emotionally fulfilling experience. + +I don’t feel the need to be around other people and whenever I do go out with people, I look forward to just going home and relaxing and finally breathing and doing whatever i want. +I’m not sure why maybe it’s a personality clash? Maybe I just haven’t found my “people“ or someone that really understands me to the point where I would find their company enjoyable? I’m not sure all I know is I’ve never really had a friend that I wanted to spend that much time with if it were up to me, I would go weeks maybe even months without ever hanging out with friends even though I know it might be better for me mentally if I’m around people and put myself out there and meet new people as well but I genuinely do not crave human presence in my life and the happiest or at least the most content I’ve ever been is when I’m alone reading comics and drinking coffee in my bed. + +It isn’t like I don’t want to have friends I really do, when I have friends I just don’t really see their presence or company as a priority or a need in my life other than a conversation every now and then I never really seem to want to spend my free time on them. + +I’ve been like this my while life even during middle school. + +Anyone else? You guys think it’s depression or just extreme introversion lmao","I can’t think of another reason why i am the way that i am, can you guys share your experiences",1 +150,"I have all the info. I just need to write it down. But just now, everything in my head is on ""I don't know what I'm doing"" mode. And thanks to depression, I have no spark to write. Curse me.","Potentially failing my paper, because my head is empty and heavy. Procrastinating on accident.",1 +151,How long until you see a difference in mood and anxiety with St. John’s wort??,How long until you see a difference in mood and anxiety with St. John’s wort??,1 +152,"I’ve (22F) have been on anti-depressants since I was 14, but I’ve never felt 100% better. I switched from Zoloft to Celexa about 2 years ago, and I’m currently taking the max dose of Celexa, but I still get pretty bad bouts of depression and anxiety at least a couple of times per week. I’m in therapy so I know of a variety of coping measures that I can take, such as exercise, journaling, spending time with friends/family, and breathing techniques, but none of those things seem to work. I don’t have any major problems or stressors in my life either, I’m just depressed for no reason 2-5 days per week. + +Does this mean that my anti-depressants aren’t working, or do I just kinda need to suck it up? I’m scared to try new anti-depressants bc of the withdrawals and potential worsening of my depression, so I’m not sure what the best thing for me is to do.",Are my anti-depressants not working?,1 +153,"For context 2022 was the YEAR of my life. I lived abroad and had a blast. My anxiety was still there but at a minimal. I never felt so happy. So happy at times I felt like I was going to burst. It was insane. +February of this year I came back home. Home isn't a good place for my mind. My parents are awful and I always feel like I'm dorwning when I'm home. I've been home since February and I feel things going dark again. I'm sleeping way too much. Have no energy or desire to do anything and the awful thoughts of mot living are coming back. +I'm in between places right now. Kicking off a new career, that's why I came home. But things are going slow and I cant move away right now. +I feel like I was on the bery top of life and now I'm in rock bottom again. I'm lost and confused and my mind keeps things how easy it would all be if I just want living anymore. +I dont want to have these thoughts or feel this way.",I feel things getting bad again,1 +154,"All of my relationships have failed. I’m 35 and divorced, just got dumped by a woman I loved, and can’t even make it work with guys. Everyone I’ve ever dated has ripped my heart out and stepped on it. Feeling like I’m destined to be alone forever.",Feeling unworthy of love,1 +155,I feel trapped and stuck. Whenever I get super depressed I tend to eat a lot and because of my eating disorder it just ends up making me feel like more shit which causes me to binge and ect ect. I don't know how to stop,Stuck in a loop TW ED MENTION,1 +156,I just can't feel honestly I feel hollow and I just can't seem to be happy. I dont like this feeling it feels like a black hole just sucking everything out of me if that makes sense. I dont know what to do. I'd prefer being constantly sad than this. I hate this feeling.,I feel numb and I hate it,1 +157,"i’ve had depression for five years now. and i’ll just say that last summer was the worst. a lot of shitty things happened but long story short, i moved to a new city (a new country actually, so no family too) for college all by myself and was alone for a solid two months. my depression really hit rock bottom. i was so unstable and just… unwell. the only thing i looked forward to was talking to my therapist, who btw ended up being incredibly irresponsible. + +i’m now surrounded by lovely people but they’re all leaving the city for summer break. i can’t stop worrying that i’ll become depressed again. my plan for now is to take summer courses and pick up a campus job (e.g. working at the library). perhaps i’ll pick up a casual part-time job as well. i just want to make sure that i keep myself busy. last summer was tough cause i didn’t have the means to meet people and interact, and i’m hoping this time it’ll be different if i put myself out there. honestly though, i just can’t help but worry a lot. depression is my worst enemy and it lives inside me. at this point, i can’t let it fucking win again. + +i think of warm sunlight but instead of warmth i feel this intense sorrow. i want this to change. i want this summer to be a good time.",i’m scared that i’ll get depressed again in summer,1 +158,"I am finally looking to start getting help for my mental health. It has been a very long time coming and I just can't do it anymore. I believe I have several diagnoses, including ADHD, anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, and OCD. I am very very overwhelmed by the idea of sharing all of my inner thoughts with another person, even someone who is helping me, and all the uncertainty of what exactly to expect is making me feel a bit hesitant to get started. A friend recommended I begin with my regular primary care doctor, but I am unsure of this. Are PCPs able to diagnose all of these issues, some, or none? At what point would my primary care doctor likely just send me to a psychiatrist rather than diagnosing me herself? Just looking for some help/answers about what to expect at an appointment with my primary care doctor so I feel a little less overwhelmed :)",Mental health help???,1 +159,How so most of you deal with your families? As the oldest there’s so much responsibility just thrown on me and it sucks. Our dad bailed on us when we were younger so it’s just my mom. For as long as I could remember my life has been nothing but stressful. I’m 22 currently with the youngest siblings I live with being 19. Im the only one with a job and it’s been driving me into an even further hole. My sister has been such a bitch to me lately and I don’t know why. I barely interact with them cause they just always give me suicidal/murderous thoughts. They always have my blood pressure going through the roof and giving me constant headaches. I try to tell my mom about it but she’s under a stern belief that black people cant be depressed and suicidal. It’s only for “white” people as she claims. I can’t afford therapy atm and I just want to leave but I can’t. Any suggestions on what I should do?,Family,1 +160,"I’m 23 years old, and used to be happy and had motivation and wanted to work and do things. Last couple of years, I’ve had no motivation, it’s hard to work, I feel lazy, I feel slow, I can barley talk to people without sounding stupid and it’s hard for me to listen and remember what people are saying to me. Basically I just always feel tired and slow and no motivation. I know I’m a smart person, but I feel dumb at the Same time, like it’s hard for me to learn things, but once I do learn it, I’m really good at it. I also feel like I have issues learning, because I overthink things and think I will fuck up somehow and think about how there is no way I can do this. I was off work for a long time due to COVID, fucked up sleep schedule, etc. and then I got laser eye surgery, I got almost every complication from it (made me really depressed), and then I lost my job for not getting fired (also made me really depressed cause I’ve been there for 8 years). Now I just feel like shit and don’t know if it’s actually depression and a problem. Lasik and COVID really fucked me.",Depression?,1 +161,"Wake up and everyday is the same. This morning I realize it’s been three days since I’ve talked to anyone, no calls or texts. No friends, no girlfriend. I live at home with my parents, at an age where I should’ve been moved out by now. Tired of lies and promises that meant nothing, tired of a life that means nothing. All these years of youth wasted doing nothing. Tired of how competitive everything is, because I’m tired of fighting. Left behind by people who said they would always be there, until it wasn’t convenient anymore. Broke, ugly, tired and burnt out on this life. Maybe it could be worse, but that just makes me hate life more. Everyone acts like you have an obligation to this life. You’re obligated to get a job, make money, make a life for yourself. But I never asked for this life in the first place. I wish I could go back now, to that moment I was about to be born and press a button to cancel my life before it started. Even my high points can’t cancel out all the negative, and I’m tired of looking for an end that’s nowhere in sight.","Tired of the endless, pointless grind. Tired of being sad and lonely. Tired of this world.",1 +162,"I’ve tried 4 now where they made it worse/the side effects where unbearable, but now I’ve been on sertraline and the side effects are tolerable but hasn’t helped with my anxiety or depression. + +It’s been 4 weeks and today the nurse practitioner gave me the choice to try something else or increase the dose. I asked her what I should do but she said it was up to me. I didn’t know what I should do so I just said increase the dose because the pills are cheap and I have to pay full price for everything until I hit my deductible. I don’t know if a month is too short to know or if should be seeing a little improvement by now. + +I’m starting to think I should have chose a different medicine but I don’t know maybe I am jumping the gun here and I should just stick it out. This medicine makes me really tired",How long does it take to know if an antidepressant is going to work or I need to try a different one?,1 +163,"I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety I take 400mg seroquel for sleep and have a weird side effect , when I take it makes me have those sudden life realisations about my self *really bad thoughts” + +Exactly like a bad weed trip and that’s why I stopped smoking weed . + +It’s weird since I’ve tried all drugs from benzos and opium to ssris and snri and it’s the only drug that makes me feel this way + +Why I am feeling this way? I searched a lot and couldn’t find people with the same problem",Seroquel gives me bad trips?,1 +164,I think this is it for me my birthday is next week and I don’t see that I make it to then. I find it sad I’ll never get to live my life to the fullest and am gonna miss out on a lot. But I kinda find it peaceful that all the bad thoughts are going to stop. Sorry everyone,Reached the finish line,1 +165,"Trigger warnings btw + +Hi, idk if this is in the right place but I just need to get stuff out. +I (24f) should be so happy an excited, I'm getting married next week. I love my Fiance, and I want to marry him. +But I've had to move hundreds of miles away from my mum and my friends. +I have BPD and probably autism, but NHS won't help me get diagnosis for either. + +I haven't been working and been living with my parents becase of depression. Now because me and husband can barely afford a basic place to live I will have to work. And I want to. I want to be so capable and successful and hard working but I just want to kms anytime I think of getting up and going out. + +I've only been living in my new town a week, and everytime i remember im not going home i feel so depressed. + +All my Fiance can say is he's sorry. But that doesn't fix anything or help me or comfort me at all, and my BPD shuts any suggestions he has down because substitues wont help. I don't know anyone here, and everyone in my community is old. And whilst yes old people can make lovely friends, It's not the same. + +I can't drive, afford to drive or have the mental stability to drive so I feel so lonely and depressed. + +And I feel so awful for my fiance when I'm literally saying I'm depressed and I don't want to be here. + +I just want to be hit by a car or something, every day my brain says stuff like that and I'm so tired of holding it together. + +I don't want to be here. And yet as always I'll carry on. I'll just ""cope"". I won't kms. But it hurts all the same.","Moved away to be married, why can't I be happy? I'm supposed to be happy",1 +166,"everyone is frustrating . i always have to be the one doing the move and socialize first . if i dont i just + stay the way im . the only person that i talk to , i always have the feeling like im annoying them , they r only nice bcz they feel bad fr me fr being aloner .",im so exhausted of everyone in my life,1 +167,"There's that pain deep in you that cuts through you, but are you strong enough to tie the knot and hold on to a hope that it's gonna get better?",Can you hold on?,1 +168,"For as long as I can remember, I have always suffered from anxiety. Perhaps it runs in my family. Yet I was never able to name it or put a label on it. During COVID, it took a toll on me and the biggest hit was taken by my marriage. For past half year, so much has happened in my life that I feel like I am living someone else's life. The only good thing that has come out of it, is my ability to finally see my anxiety building up and how I channel it. I am so heartbroken to see that I mostly took my anxiety and put it in my marriage. + +Anxiety builds up in me for various reasons. Sometimes, it is related to work, sometimes things not going my way, or sometimes pretty mundane things. It slowly creeps in me and my mood is spoiled. Previously I was never able to tell that anxiety had built up in me. I would only become aware of it when I blew the lid on something. During COVID, the unfortunate victim became my spouse. I also blew up my relationship with my boss during that time. So once I spoiled the mood around me, or picked up a fight, I would see that things are fucked up. I always blamed the spouse, work or boss for the fight or issues, yet the culprit was mostly my anxiety that slowly built up and got channeled where I had hidden resentments. + +It is only during past week that I have finally been able to see the pattern and it is startling. I feel so ashamed and resentful. The sad truth is that I don't see any quick remedy for this either. You see, there will always be some dormant resentments inside me. There are issues between me and my spouse, that we cannot agree on. There will always be resentment which I have how I get treated at work or how I handle more work than the others etc. And whenever anxiety builds up, it needs a channel for relief. I'm afraid my mind will always pick these targets over and over. + +I have come to this community to ask for your advice, that what I feel is also how you have felt at some time? I want to take this anxiety and channel it for something constructive. I can't change my spouse, I can't get that promotion. But I can always put effort to find a new job, always choose kindness for my spouse instead of turning things to arguments. How does one make this change? How not being able to channel this energy constructively not become an anxiety in itself too? I need some encouragement and guidance. Thanks",I have finally been able to see my anxiety and I'm heartbroken,1 +169,"First time Poster so I apologize in advance for any formating issues. +I just came to realize how numb I feel today. For some contest I (24F) have been struggling mentally pretty much since childhood.I've had low self-confidence,anxiety and have been pretty depressed for as long as I can remember. Life has always kinda sucked and any good times usually don't last more than a couple of days so I guess all the hurt and disappointment has been building up and now I'm almost completely numb aside from the random anxiety attacks at 3am. +I've been aware of this for a while, but the sheer extent of how tired I am and how I don't care about anything anymore hit me today when I found out that all the neglect towards my studies has caught up to me and will most likely result in me either barely passing uni or not even being able to graduate meaning I will have no degree and just wasted a bunch of time for nothing. The tought of that used to scare me, but now I just don't care that much . I am so lost on how to improve but at the same time I don't have the desire to do anything about it. All I wanna do is sleep and not wake up I wish time would just stop. I don't know why I'm writing this for some advice maybe ?or just venting to strangers online is alot easier and cheaper than therapy.",Wasting away,1 +170,That's it,I will never be grateful for a life I don't want to live.,1 +171,"Seriously, every single one of us are fucking warriors. + +From the monumental effort it takes to drag ourselves into consciousness when we just want to sleep forever to showing up at work & pretending you haven’t spent the morning crying or thinking of hurting yourself or wanting to just check out permanently or all of the above. + +I know it’s horrible that we do have to deal with it, but taking a second to recognize how monumentally tough we are is important I think as we always get stuck on the things we hate about ourselves. +It is one positive thing that every person reading this who is battling depression, the absolute Herculean strength we have is absolutely incredible. + +If you’re reading this, you are incredible, the strength you show every single day is something that most people can’t even fathom. + +I had a bad day today & wanted to try & shed some positivity on it & share that with anyone else struggling right now. + +You are brilliant.",People with depression are strong as fuck.,1 +172,yeah,"nobody can change my mind anymore. i’ll do it soon, just soon. just you fucking wait. i’m sick of living, nobody can change my mind anymore",1 +173,"This group makes me realize that we all suffer the human condition… Never feel alone, millions of people are going through the exact same thoughts as you. PLEASE do not feel like the odd one out. My moms dad and brother committed suicide… they missed out on kids, grandkids, weddings, holidays, family vacations, belly laughs, ect. Pain in life is guaranteed, but so are good moments. Everything, and I mean everything gets better in time, one day you will look back and the things that matter to you now won’t even cross your mind. You can and WILL get out of this dark hole. Be patient with yourself, forgive yourself. You can heal and your life can be better than what it is now ❤️ I know it does not seem like it, and I know you will roll your eyes, flip over in bed and indulge in your depression, but day by day it will lift. Get fresh air, feel the sunshine, sit by the beach or in nature. Talk to a loved one or friend. Write in a journal. Eat something you like and take a nice hot shower and put on your favorite show. Keep going",❤️,1 +174,"i (23F) have been struggling with my mental health since i was 13. + +i started taking sertraline for anxiety about two years ago, which helps some but not for the panic attacks. + +ive started mirtazapine for sleeping which helps. + +but the depression is something that hasnt gone away. most days, its manageable. im good for a couple weeks, i do my schoolwork, i clean, im motivated to do everything and anything, i feel amazing. then for a couple weeks its bad again, i struggle to get up and go to school, my rooms a disaster, i shut down and it just seems like ill always be in this cycle.",does it ever get better?,1 +175,"TW: self harm + +Lately I've been feeling really upset. Things have been bad since I was little but I'm considering giving up. I'm only 15 and I've been cutting myself since I was 12. I feel like nothing I do is good enough and I thought I could do everything alone but I can't. Everything is piling up and I just feel so alone. I don't think I can keep doing this. Everything is just going to shit for me. +People keep taking advantage of my care and kindness, everyone keeps leaving me, I miss my mother even though she was a drinker, I'm so tired. Mentally and physically. I don't know what to do. I can't fix myself. But I'm trying so hard to.",I need help.,1 +176,"I feel like I was meant to feel miserable. I try to put myself out there but instead I get treated like shit. Nobody care about me as a person. I get used and eventually discarded like trash. I don’t even classify myself as a human nor do I classify myself as a live creature. I just exist. I’m just a walking and talking object. I’m nearing my wits end, nothing seems to get any better, nor do think it ever will. I feel like the only way to improve, is to take my own life.",I deserve to suffer.,1 +177,"When do the tears stop. When does this empty feeling stop. When does the erge to selfharm stop. When does the pain stop. +Im tired of crying myself to sleep and having no one to talk to about this. They see me happy one day and the following they try list all my triggers. + +I feel like the only reason i havnt killed myself is because of my sister. Shes the only one that understands why i take the pills. Shes the only one who asks how im going on a specific day. But again she is a child so i know i cannot burden her with these thoughts. And she cannot become the people i need her to be and her words are starting to sound like whispers compared to the screaming pain. + +Everytime they bring up the pills it makes me feel even more useless than i already feel. Everytime I have to remind someone how to love me i somehoe loose the love i have for myself. I see you trying but its just not enough. When does the pain of it all end. Will i ever be happy in this life? Or should i just give up whiles its still early?",When does it all stop,1 +178,"one of the main symptoms of clinical depression is feeling tired, but is it possible that on some days you feel way more tired then the other day even if you feel like your sleep was the same as those other days?",is it possible that on some days you feel way more tired then the other day even if you feel like your sleep was the same as those other days?,1 +179,"I was depressed for many months and took help from therapist,so I was prescribed with depressents.I actually improved a lot I have some peace of mind now, but I am not able to cry even if I want to remove the negative emotion.Hardly I just cry 2 drops not more than that hence I try watching sad movies which makes me cry.Idk wht to do.",i find it hard to cry and am so overwhelmed,1 +180,currently in the military stationed overseas…. it’s the weekend and i don’t have much planned except HW. i think staying in the barracks is what makes me even more depressed but today just feels super ehhh…. i’m in a LDR and i won’t be home for another 80 days with seems so far away. i just miss my family and friends and wish i could be home with everyone i know and love.,Feeling depressed and sad..,1 +181,"How to deal with depression? I am an engineering student and we are a poor family. We are not financially stable. And I am failing my class. I always do my best and still fail. I don't have a healthy relationship with my family. I feel like my parents doesn't love/want me to he their child. Everyone keeps on leaving me. I don't have anyone to vent out. I don't have friends in school since I am an irregular student. The girl I love just ghosted me today. I don't have anybody right now. These past few days has been rough (all my life has been rough) and coz of that I've been always thinking of ending my life. All I have is myself. And I want to end my suffering. I've been dealing with this with all my life. I just celebrated my birthday last friday and it's the first time I celebrated my bday since I'm thinking that it's my last and I just wanna have fun, but during my bday, I lost my friends and I lost my girl. So yea, I just want to end my life right now. I don't know how to cope with this :>",I'm suicidal,1 +182,"Needing a rant, and maybe support from people who have been through similar + +I guess this is a rant? Or maybe just asking if people have been in similar situations. + +Edit to add, I'm in Scotland. + +So I've been off work for a year now with severe MH, had 2 S attempts and multiple SH requiring hospitalisation last year. + +I'm on duloxetine 120mg for severe depression, underactive thyroid which I take lebothyroxine for,I have narcolepsy and take 200mg modafinil for that, and I have a blood disorder (cancer?) Currently undergoing tests. All these things major symptom is chronic exhaustion but I also have chronic pain (R knee operated on 2020 and currently waiting on L knee op), we're querying fibromyalgia. + +I applied for ADP in November last year, and submitted my part 2 in December. +I submitted as part of my supporting evidence a short patient summary from my GP, my medication list (Inc up to date prescription repeats forms), letters from my therapist, letters from the police (involvement after S and severe SH), letters from my mental health team, letters from psych, and a letter from my GP detailing all above and support. + +I've heard nothing from ADP so today went to online chat and was told it's been picked up by a case manager (yay) , but that they've requested more SI from my GP. + +What?!?!? + +What else could they need? And if they've requested that from GP it'll take months before I hear. It took my GP 5 months just to write the support letter they did write. + +So now I'm in an anxiety spiral because if they're gonna deny my claim I wish they would just fucking tell me instead of making me wait 6+months. All the while I can't afford my mortgage and I'm getting deeper and deeper in debt. + + +Urgh. Rant over.",My partner just came home so angry he immediately left to work out. I feel so bad. I feel this is my fault,1 +183," +My therapy got canceled and I really need it. I got things I want to say and I want to work through this crap I'm going through, but my appointments keep getting pushed and pushed and I'm irritated and I'm angry and I'm furious that I'm in this alone. I want to work through my issues but I can't because i can't talk to anyone and I have to wait 2 weeks for my first damn appointment and it sucks cuz I have school and It’s stressing me out. I feel the universe is against me. I hate being told by the universe that this is for my own good and that I must go through this In order to be a better person. it feels like a power over me. Like I'm being controlled by someone. I hate someone controlling me and telling me it's for my own good, it's degrading and I hate it and I hate it and hate it and my mind is manipulating me to feel like I need to be kind. My mind is against me and I have to push through even when its against me. I feel like the victim I hate being the victim I can feel sad in peace because I have a mind that sabtoges me. I wish I could just be unaware and feel my feelings without having to play devils advocate with myself thus nullifying or undermining my feelings. My mom is being a bitch she litrally doesn't understand that her words hurt but she laughs like it's funny and she makes me want to hit her because fuck that shit hurts and I want to hurt you the way you are fucking hurting me. I need help they say reach out for help but help has a schedule and she need you to wait till she's is available. Why do I have to follow these rules i hate these damn rules.",Canceled once Again,1 +184,"I‘m so unhappy. I dislike myself and my life so fundamentally, I don’t know how to fix it. I think I’m nothing much of anything and there doesn’t seem to be potential for growth. I’ve been wasting away to be honest. I don’t care about life, and the truly shitty thing seems to be, that nobody seems to be worth fighting to keep being. I’ve played along but it’s getting harder each day. My own dishonesty about how deep this runs has just been coming up a lot lately. I’m just always looking at the clock for time to pass, for oblivion to enter. I cannot stand existing, maybe that’s called depression, with other issues included, that just don’t seem worth solving at this point. So I’m just wondering, how is your life? How are you fairing and dealing with this? Do you have family that motivates you? Friends? Do you find ways to love life or make it work or worth it somehow? Are you ever angry?",Just another unhappy life?,1 +185,"Can't stop being toxic + +I know I don't want to be but I can't change",I want to give up,1 +186,"As the title says , i have lost motivation to do anything in life. +I can write thousands of word but i will try to keep it short. + +I used to have keen interest in music and astronomy.. i loved watching movies and tv shows too. + +But since last 4-5 months , it's like nothing excites me anymore. I can't enjoy anything now. +I feel bored with myself, whenever i am talking with someone they get bored of me ( which is obvious because i never have anything to talk about). + +Everything feels so bland. +And even when i think about how i can inculcate some new hobbies in me.. it doesn't really help me feel any better. + +It feels like.. there is nothing left in this world that can satisfy me or give me purpose atleast.",No motivation,1 +187,"I have been depressed for 3-4 years because I am unattractive to women. It's not their fault that they don't find me attractive, the problem is me because I am not cool enough for them. + +I get very anxious when talking to girls because I always feel that something bad is gonna happen. That repells them and even if they found me attractive they end up telling me that they are not interested. + + +How do I explain this to a therapist and how is he/she gonna help me? I feel like this problem is impossible to fix because you can't make a person (me) attractive.",How to explain the cause of my depression to a therapist?,1 +188,"I just want to go to sleep and never wake up, yesterday i took 7 mg and today 10","Second day of over dosing lorazepam, hoping it will end this reality as i sleep",1 +189,"Last week I was planning on ending it all being serious. + +But I woke up today and just felt happy, I’ve been smiling all day for no reason it’s like depression but in reverse + +Keep in mind nothing changed same ole same ole + +Is there any reason for this? + +Thanks",Why am I so happy now?,1 +190,"((throwaway because a common friend follows my main account)) + +Some brief background info: +I have autism so I may not always understand all social cues. Neither my friend nor I live in the US. + +I have a friend going through a hard time right now. He has depression and recently has been experiencing all sorts of physcial issues. He's had depression before I even met him and have never seen him this low. He also has money problems and thus can't afford treatment for his physical issues atm. + +What's the best way to support him? +I cannot support him financially since i also have almost no money. + Whenever i talk to him he gives short and/or snappy answers and is generally in a bad mood. Whenever I talk about positive things, it feels preachy or that I'm ""rubbing happiness in his face"". Whenever i try to talk about neutral things (basically small talk) the conversation dies off. So he's understandably a bit difficult to talk to as of late. + +I admit, it's difficult and hurtful at times but I just want to know what would be the best way to provide my support. + + Any and all clarifying questions are welcome, I just want to provide the best support I can.",How can i best support my friend?,1 +191,"I mean, it's as simple as that. +I'm tired of living like this. Tired of living in general, and everything it involves — interpersonal relationships, people, politics, economy, thinking, expectatives. All that crap makes me feel like shit and I wish I could turn it all off. + +However I don't want to die. That would hurt the people around me. That would hurt my mom. And my little sister. And, unlike other situations, I wouldn't be here to (at least try to) fix it. They'd be left with the same nothingness that I feel, but worse cuz ofc death of a loved one is worse than just my own personal regrets. + +So I just wish I hadn't been born. That my mom had had a miscarriage — that would've hurt, yeah, but not for long —, or that I'd never been conceived, or something. I wish I was a blank space in the Universe. Something that had never existed. A hole or something like that. +They say energy can't be destructed and I wish it wasn't like that. I wish I could just disappear completely from existence and leave no trace, I wish people would just forget everything about me so I could die without it being a sin. + +Is there a way to stop feeling like this? Cuz the only way to stop existing is dying, and I've already said why I don't want to kms, exactly. Is there a way to avoid it? Can it get better?","I wish I hadn't been born,, help",1 +192,"I don't understand why I've had hope that things will ever change. My brain is, and will always be, broken and I can't go through a single day without feeling the heaviness of my own existence. I suffer by living through every meaningless day. Other than the 2 times or so a year I get the chance to step out of my everyday situation, have a getaway and forget who I am, I have a hard time seeing why I bother going to that effort at all when I would rather be dead for most of it.",I feel like I'm still here just for the sake of my own suffering.,1 +193,"I'm just so lonely and in my head all the time. I'm trying so hard to make friends, but idk how. It all makes me angry at society as a whole for leaving me all alone. I've wanted friends my whole life. I haven't had any in 20 years. And all I can wonder is why the fuck nobody wants to be near me, or to talk to me, or to even ask me questions. I feel like everyone is actively avoiding me at this point. And I hate them for it. I hate living because of everyone.","Having trouble eating, sleeping, relaxing.",1 +194,"I go to every sub in Bupropion, Escitalopram, Paroxetine, Effexor, Sertraline, Duloxetine, Mirtazapine, Amitriptyline, Fluoxetine, and I can list more, but every sub says ""this med has the worst withdrawal"". + +Yeah, withdrawals and discontinuation syndromes suck. But discouraging people from taking medication X that his doc prescribed now he's scared to take it is immoral. + +You had this experience, fine, doesn't mean he will. I saw a post on someone taking clonazepam for years on 6 mgs a day. + +He stupidly cold-turkey'd one day and even months later he had no withdrawals. Other's might have lethal seizures. + +It's very annoying to see a question about medication X and then tons of comments practically tell him not to take it because of withdrawals. + +Withdrawals are normal, so are discontinuation syndromes. You must go through it for 1 - 2 weeks, yes, very uncomfortable. I also suffered it. But this is not a reason to discourage someone to take the medication he was prescribed for his illness. + +Not to mention, he is not you. He/She might not experience the same things you did. + +Nice day, ladies and gentlemen","Honestly, which antidepressant withdrawal is not poop?",1 +195,so stop telling me to try.,Yes it hurts to try when you know you will fail again,1 +196,"Just feel like a bag of bones, doin nothing in my life, cause I always felt like I won’t fit anywhere. +At least, I hate this world, society, humans. +The school system destroyed me, but I did my best to persevere and try to go the furthest I could. +But now that I’m considered as an adult in this world I just feel too different to achieve anything, +and my opinions (political or philosophical) are just making me so sure about the fact that getting the life that everybody already has, having a work, getting paid, consuming for your pleasure, your needs +being officially included in this consumer society, as a consumer, won't fix anything. +I couldn’t even enjoy my childhood, same with my teenage years. +How am I supposed to have the strength to at least have hope for adulthood? +I’m too tired, this world is sick, +a huge amount of people in this planet talk about happiness as if it were more present than misery. + I can't stand this hypocrisy anymore. +It’s making me feel +🔃",Sometimes emptiness is harder than feeling something,1 +197,"I am 21 male and currently experiencing major depression. But anyways, I’m too young to kill myself rn and I got things to see and do before I go. Travel, see nature, more romantic experiences, etc. The world is bs as we all know but if I can reach it to 40 I can end it there. On my birthday too. Til then I will to FIGHT to improve myself an acceptable amount and then when the time come I’ll be out. No more anxiety or thinking about death, I’ll face it head on when the time is right. (If I don’t die by another cause before that but hopefully not)",I have made a deal with my depression and this shitty reality,1 +198,Shows that’ll cheer you up specifically,What’s your go-to show to watch for when you’re depressed?,1 +199,"Have you had a dear friend tell you that you’re not doing well? Or say things like “you should snap out of it”, “you’re not socializing and that’s bad”, “you took time to get better and you’re getting worse”, “your environment is unhealthy”? + +I’m struggling with depression and anxiety along with chronic back and neck pain. I’m currently on temporary disability for the past five months. I’ve been doing therapy with a therapist every week, plus physical therapy. I’m also on medication for depression/anxiety for over a year. My symptoms haven’t changed. I’ve shared my heart with friends. And recently a friend told me that I’ve been better in the past, and that friendship is a two way road. It can’t be one sided. This is true. I haven’t been to see her since she moved two hours away in November. We chat on video chat and text message several times a week. I am dealing with anxiety about traveling and going outside my house. I’m working on it with a therapist and it is slow going. + +I love my friend dearly and I asked that we take a break from talking because her seeing me this way is difficult to watch (friends words) and it’s not healthy for me to feel bad about myself after chatting with her. + +I’m reaching out to this community in hopes of finding support in a depressive state.","How do you cope with friends/family, that really know you and have seen you before depression diagnosis?",1 +200,"I’m a 26 year old woman still living at home with mom and step dad. I live in the outskirts of Los Angeles so it’s not like I’m in the most affordable of areas but ya… I went to school got 2 associates degrees and then just dropped out after that. I haven’t really done anything since, just hopped around from job to job, up until recently where I went through another horrible depressive episode and missed a few days of work and for the first time in my life got FIRED! I deserved it but wow has it made me realize how not normal I really am. I’ve been depressed and horrible anxious since I can remember and it’s gotten in the way of everything and everyone my entire life… i guess my question here is what should I start doing with my life? I feel as though I want a fresh start. I’ve been sitting here for the past week and I can’t for the life of me figure out what to do. All I know is I can not work another customer service job, I hate them so much. Please give suggestions on job paths for people like me. Thank you!!!","Jobless, depressed, unmotivated 26 year old loser",1 +201,Why is everything unexpectedly hard when i am faced with it?,Everything is so hard,1 +202,"Anyone fired a long time Therapist ? + +Not happy with discussion or results . + +So hard to find, afraid to stop. + +Thoughts ?",Firing a Therapist ?,1 +203,"A lot of people talk about the Winter blues, but for me Spring by far (at least in recent years), is painfully depressing. + +It’s like the smell in the air, mixed with the temperature and longer/brighter daytime present this fake sense of happiness. + +It’s as if when I’m outside, things seem “too happy” and that scent in the air is gut-wrenchingly nostalgic of a past-time that can never be felt or experienced again. Because I’m not capable of it and I’m too worn-down to, anyway. + +I actually remember when I was little (29 now) that I loved clear, sunny weather. I looked up the forecast almost obsessively ahead of time, banking on those days of where there are no clouds to block the sun. Not even partly cloudy. + +It’s perplexing to think I was once like this since nowadays, I despise sunny weather. I genuinely feel better and more comfortable when it is cloudy with rain. Especially the eccentric types of weather where it looks as if nighttime has arrived too early, but instead it’s just a storm brewing. Not to mention, I am at my peak mindset and performance late at night. + +What the hell happened.",Why do I find the Spring so depressing?,1 +204,"This is a new account because I don't want it linked to my old one. I have had quite a lot of awful things happen to me in the last 10 months, which most of which I reconise is entirely my fault. I had a miscarriage and was very horribly assulted by a man which caused me to spiral, develop an eating disorder, take far too many drugs and drink too much, cheat on my love of my life and break up with him, I got sober and became friends again with my now exbf and I did a lot of healing and (now have ) celebrated 200 days sober. It had been about 5/6 months and me and my ex boyfriend at the time who were incredibly close (after I got sober) despite all the arguements and it became a bit of a situationship and we then got back together. We were together for 2 and a bit months and it was really very wonderful apart from maybe two problems and he was still healing from my betrayal, which I will always carry the guilt. He then broke up with me around 5 weeks ago and I am at my whits end. I have a 6 week thearpy course I paid for which will end in two weeks. I have now gotten it in my head I am deserving of all my guilt and pain, which I am for most of it DEFO - I am not looking for sympathy dw - but I have convinced myself walking around today that the next earth shattering or heart breaking thing I will walk into traffic or try and end my life in a way that makes it looks accidental so no one has the burden. This deep suicidal ideation has happened before but it feels really final this time, now I have basically no one to bother with this news espeically since I am a teacher. any comments would be helpful on what to do.",Not sure what to do! I have done everything possible! TW,1 +205,"I can't seem to talk to anyone truthfully about how I feel. No one respects me anymore. Give importance to what I do, respect my job, see my importance, or even care about how I feel. I'm so frustrated to the point that I can only hurt myself but can't kill myself. I have a little boy that keeps me going but I don't know up until when or how far I can go. I'm trapped in this cycle for years with no resolution.",Help. I'm in a situation worse than killing myself.,1 +206,Hello has anyone here been in a 3 week intensive therapy program where it's you learn coping skills amd other things with a psychiatrist. I'm start one as soon as my referal goes thru and she said sessions with be Monday & Wednesdays 1 to 4 for 3 weeks. Can anyone give insight ?,Intensive outpatient therapy program,1 +207,"Im really mad at myself and get anger issues I keep inside of me… I feel like going on a rampage, go absolutely insane.. +Main reason is because usually when I mess things up with a girl for being too shy or nervous… I could really go fucking crazy and I can’t fix it… I overthink situations with girls too much so I hesitate and miss my chance. Right after that I just wanna rage!!! + +I then later feel more depressed and it really affects my mood and mental health",Starting to really hate myself,1 +208,"Not having responsibilities, getting excited over the little things in life, making friends was way easier. I was obsessed with Pokémon and spent most of my days biking around the neighborhood with friends, just doing kid stuff like trying to invent new parkour tricks. Having fun felt so effortless. + +The things I would do to go back even for a day. I genuinely don't think I'll ever be as happy again and that just crushes me",I wish I were a kid again,1 +209,I am convinced working just makes me depressed. Dealing with people as a loner on a regular basis is draining. Wish I was rich and could leave it all behind.,Life sucks when you don't have freedom from a 9-5,1 +210,"My depression has definitely improved over the years yet, I still will get these really bad depressive episodes that lasts a few weeks (almost a month). I’m not sure what triggers it. I just need advice on how to handle it better. I’m also in therapy and I’ve decided to take a break from smoking to see if that would help but, it’s not :/",What is the best way to get through a depressive episode?,1 +211,"it’s been 3 months of nonstop stress and financial troubles. i can’t stop crying. every single day i start scream crying at least once. + +it’s all so hard and i so wish i could see the beauty, calm and strength in life. i miss it so badly and i know it’s still there and i want to be around to see it. + +i wish i could run away and change my name and live a life with grace and beauty and dignity. i’m so tired and distraught",i just can’t stop crying,1 +212,"Hi Everyone, + +I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year, but had probably been dealing with it my whole life. + +I have a handful of medications that have helped me a lot, but occasionally I get these slumps of depression still. + +Before they always seemed to line up with PMS so I attributed them to that, but this one is on the opposite part of my cycle. I feel like I'm wasting my cycles best time! + +Anyway, I'm struggling to find a trigger. Was there a trigger? I'll obviously discuss this with my psychiatrist, but I don't know. + +I guess I just want to hear other's experiences with this type of episode. I went from high energy and cooking dinner to not being able to shower or work? I felt disconnected from my partner, like we were more in an arrangement to be married, not in love. That sounds awful, but my emotions just weren't there. I think I'm coming out of it now, I took a shower, got my eyebrows done, and had my legs waxed. Maybe I'll pay to get a Mani/Pedi. + +Thank you for reading my ramble. +Is this just life with depression?",2 week depression episode,1 +213,"I (24) m for the past 10 years have been pretty depressed since I grew up moving home to home among my relatives constantly being around drugs and alcohol. Since I move around a lot I can't get a real attachment to anyone which is sad for me with the exception is my GF of 7 soon to be 8 years. But I lately I've begun to realize that I feel more comfortable being a depressed guy than happy, it's more like I rather be sad and tired so others can be happy. For example my gf's family have taken me in as their own even giving me the nickname ""Mikwap"" (mee-gwap) which roughly translated to home in our language. + +Anyways, I wouldn't say no to them when they asked something of me. Nothing too crazy, simple things like small chores that theirs children refuse to do, lend them money when they need, or drive 4+ hours for an event. There are more things. But I do stuff like this for my actual family too and it's making me feel drained mentally and physically which leeds to my depression. I don't have a lot of time to myself and I struggled with nearly becoming an alcoholic. I sacrifice myself like this because I want to see everyone smile and be comfortable especially the children in both families. I don't want them to have a hard life moving around or being around drugs and alcohol. Lately my gf has been telling me not to worry about everyone so much and take time to myself. I considered it but I'm worried something will happen if I'm not around to help. + +I'm at work right now while I type this. And would like some outside opinions. + +Also I'm sorry about the title, I just use small amounts of humors to hide my depression",I got the big sad but I prefer it that way,1 +214,"I need to premise this with saying that I recognise that I drink as it is the only time I don't feel anxious anymore, and it's a vicious cycle. And so, please, telling me that stopping drinking is an obvious step I am taking now and it certainly doesn't help to say this to me now. + +Recently, I have been feeling increasingly anxious and paranoid after drinking about things I may have done or said during the night. This is obviously even worse if there are moments of the night I don't remember or if I blackout. + +After a recent night out, I dont remember going back home from the club with some colleagues who I am semi close with (im new to the job). There is basically a 200meter walk home that I dont remember. I asked, and I was told by them that I was very drunk and was vomiting, but other than that it was a great night and we should do it again. + +However, I am absolutely convinced that I said or did something bad that night. Just like I'm always convinced I did something bad the previous time. That I maybe told them I want to rape/hurt/abuse someone, or that I was racist towards someone, or that I said a secret. And even if they said that it was absolutely fine, I'm convinced that they are hiding something from me, that they are waiting for the perfect moment to expose me. That they are all laughing/talking behind my back. I feel like I ruminate over scenarios I may not remember or know even happen, so much, that memories almost build themselves in my head and from moment to moment a memory is more and more vivid. + +This is not a new thing in my life, I wake up terrified of checking my phone for embarrassing or illegal things I may have done, if there's a murder in the news I check the location to ensure there was no chance it could be me. + +The same happens in my sober life. I convince myself that someone is angry at me so I will spend literal hours looking over a phone chat between us. Thoughts or worries plant themselves in my head and I cannot let them go. One day I raped someone, the next I have cancer. One day I pissed someone off, the next day the past is coming to get me. I'm terrified of getting out of bed as something will trigger panic. + +If someone can relate to this then I virtually plead for a comment or chat. I feel like I am losing control of my thoughts and emotions and this goes for sober life as much as when I drink.",Can someone relate or am I broken?,1 +215,"I'm probably not as intense than anyone here idk. But i feel... Alone? Not my parents not my friend in school nobody barely caare about me. Not even talking none. I feel this heart of mine is just as empty as a loud barrel and as freezing as morning winter in the mountains. Im tired of trying, trying to make them even glance at me, i tried all the thigs i could think of such as being more talkative, pop more jokes, they do laugh but i don't feel any noteable form of relationship. +At First i thought i could fight by myself so even if i have no mental support i could breach through life but as days come it gets worse, now everytime i think about it my neck and arm feels itchy and tingly. I don't want to die but at the same time i dont want to continue. I wish there is this option of sleeping it away forever. +Tbf why am i even writing this, what? did i think somebody gonna come and care? Ridiculous.",bad,1 +216,So tired of doing life and being here. I'm slowly just falling apart AGAIN yet I'm supposed to just keep on going for whatever reason. I don't even understand the point of life anymore. Nothing matters to me anymore and its scaring me that I just don't feel like living anymore. Here we go again down this spiral.,Exhausted just existing everyday,1 +217," ""I don't feel very good, it's like I don't belong in this world (I don't think I ever did). My friends are happy, and I'm always the one who's not really funny and who ruins the mood. So now I try to say as little as possible, people always ask me if I'm okay, if I'm tired, or worse, they say I'm scary. I think I'm just a mistake. People must find me weird or creepy, it's ruining me. A few years ago, my brother committed suicide, I felt very close to him, I think about his death all the time, I wish I could start my life over again and make the right choices (for once). What affects me the most is girls, I think... It's ridiculous, but I would love to have a relationship with a (very) pretty girl. Sometimes I think I've suffered so much that I would at least deserve that. I saw the damage my brother's death caused in my family, now I think if I didn't have a family to make suffer => suicide. My message is so selfish, and I know it. Thank you for reading these few lines..."" + +\-Lust",Selfishness,1 +218,"When I look back 1 year ago for example, it’s not so much that it feels like life has changed, but more like it’s absolutely not the same reality. I’m in the exact same house that I was in, the exact same rooms, and the exact same backyards, but it’s just not the same place. It felt like a different world, despite there being very few things different from the environment. + +It generally isn’t very distressing but it gets in the way when I wanna be happy again. I don’t know how to completely explain this phenomenon but I do know that it’s mental.",this isn’t the same place even though it’s literally the same place physically.,1 +219,"I've been feeling awfully lonely lately, I've been socially isolating myself for the longest time now because I was dealing with shit like sudden weight gain, crying over my past, or having lack of friends in my class. + +But I know how to solve those issues, like going to a bar, talking on different discord servers, local meetups, or joining an interest club etc. Seems logical right? That's how to solve my feelings of loneliness. + +But at the same time I feel like everything requires too much effort. I want to make new friends, but at the same time I don't want to and I end up accidentally ghosting people because of my social isolation. I want to talk to people about my interests and discover new shows or theories, but at the same time I feel tired and don't want to. + +I end up sobbing again because I feel like I'm stuck in a loop like this and don't know what to do anymore. + +Please tell me what's wrong with me. I hate this dilemma.",Why am I still feeling frustrated and crying even though I know the solutions to my problems? (Struggling with making new friends),1 +220," +ok, so Me(24M) have been with my gf(25F) for a little over three years. We have had a very very difficult relationship! Recently have found out that she has BPD! We have had problems with being “intimate” with each other for majority of the relationship! She had given birth to her kid just a few months before we got together, so I figured it was post partom. Granted I have been a bit understanding not the best but I’ve tried very hard. However, it will be 4 years soon since she’s had him so I’m not understanding as much now as to why it’s such an issue to want me! We will have literal fights about it cause I feel like I’m not loved or wanted! She always tells me it’s not me and it’s just her head, but as a person who has A LOT of mental disorders I just can’t seem to believe her! So now she gets diagnosed with BPD, and I’m wondering if this would have an effect on her sex drive also! I also have BPD but I still have a sex drive… It’s getting to the point that I want to leave the relationship, cause I’m not getting what I need! I have a VERY high sex drive and she was told about this when we started dating! I love her with everything in me and would love to spend the rest of my life with her and our child. I just don’t know if I can continue to go on feeling like this every time I want to be touched…",Me(24m) her(25F) BPD & Sex Drive?,1 +221,"Honestly, I feel like God's longest running joke and I'm just tired of it. Everything has always felt empty and hopeless. My dad died before I was born, my mom went crazy, I invested all my teen years in caring for her that I now I have no idea who I am or have any social skills, and now she's dead. I thought it would help me move on, but a few months after my boyfriend cheated on me and I left to a a new town for school. Since coming here I've only come to realize I'm not anything, my only reason to exist was to care for my mom and now that's gone there's no purpose for me. I'll never be normal like everyone else. Never fit in. Never be pretty or smart or liked. I'm just worthless now. + +I really want to just give up. Each day I'm more and more tempted to withdraw from college, and live off my inheritance the rest of my life, never leaving my apartment and only getting high to feel something more than regret and depression.",Just want to be high and never leave my apartment for the rest of my life...,1 +222,"So, when I have my real bad downs there isn't any way to just pull me out of there. I usually just sit through it. It's not nice but I can't do anything about it. +Why is it that other people keep suggesting ""find a way out of it""? It's not like I haven't tried. I get to hear that everytime I open up a bit about that topic. (Then I regret doing so) +It feels like I'm failing at everything when they mention stuff like that. Like I'm too stupid to find a way out. +How do you deal with such stuff? Do you deal with it in the first place?",solutions,1 +223,Ive been feeling this way for almost all my life but WAYY more so in the past 1 year.,I’m pretty sure I’m depressed..,1 +224,"I’m a 22 year old male, I really can’t be bothered to let all this bullshit play out for the rest of my life. + +My family is dead, or too abusive for me to risk speaking too. + +I have let countless opportunities get away from me and now my only skill is dishwashing and cooking, which I hate and I am forced to do it to survive and pay my rent. + +I’m by no means physically attractive and constantly am told (subtly or not) that I am ugly. Really like my facial structure itself is terrible. I’m losing my hair at this early age, and have a gross and large surgery scar on my stomach. People look at me with disgust in public. I have such low self esteem I cannot ever stand up for myself and if I try I get laughed at. Constantly treated with no respect unless it’s sympathy or pity, and I’m very awkward and weird. + +I always make mistakes, can’t handle myself under pressure, constantly miss things and can barely make life decisions on my own, which I’m forced to do because I don’t have anyone else. It’s like my brain is a level lower than everyone else’s. When I have a chat with people they can insult me and I don’t even realise because I am so slow until later and then I feel so upset and resentful. + +I had a group of friends , they are all good looking and live at home with their parents so they are able to have so much money to party and hangout , as we’ve grown out of Highschool age they’ve seen as I’ve devolved and aged badly and how pathetic, spineless and valueless I really am. I feel like I’ve been exposed. Now I don’t get invited , and when I do occasionally see them for something I can afford , I am the pathetic butt of the joke. + +I used to have girls interested with me , perhaps because I was younger and better looking and confident because I was unaware. Now I seriously have no chance . + +I don’t know how to have social interactions anymore, and I always feel like I said the wrong thing, that I’m different from other people in a terrible way. + +Out of sync with life and destined to be one of the unfortunate disgusting underclass. + +The only thing that stops me from ending it all is that I have a sister who is younger than me and I am quite close with. She is well put together and successful, and since she has no family either I know how much it’ll devastate her to lose me. + +These days sometimes I think she would be fine though… + +Life is not fair to some of us",I can’t be bothered anymore.,1 +225,I’m drowning more and more everyday.,Depression feels like you’re drowning and there is no way out,1 +226,"ive been to a mental hospital under involuntary admission, but almost 2 years ago as a minor... was hoping for some help + + +-is it expensive? relatively, and with insurance. maybe for like 3-7 days? + +-is it generally not recommended unless absolutely necessary to go to an adult ward? + + +im almost 18 and i dont want to cost my parents more money considering college but i think i need help.. unsure what to do",mental hospital- payment and ward logistic questions,1 +227,"Hello + +I dont know whats wrong with me. Nothing in life is fun, brings me joy or motivates me. All i wish is to lie in bed all day and stare at the wall. + +I opened this thread because lately i have more and more thoughts like ""whats the point of this? why do this another 60years?"" and after another successful ski weekend with family i just prefered to stay in bed after skiing for 10min. + +&#x200B; + +Its not something that just started to happen a few weeks ago. It follows me since childhood i would say. Nothing ever motivated or brought me joy me except computer games as kid but not even games nowadays bring me joy at all. Somehow i got through all schools till university without doing anything and missing about 20% of classes. Even in university my motvation is still equal 0 and thus I am still stuck in bachelor after 6years.I write exams from time to time because i guess thats something you have to do in life but my motivation is negativ. But when Ifind a tiny bit of motivation to write an exam, I usually write very good grades while not attended 1 class at uni over all these years but they dont make me happy nor motivate me for more. + +But its definitely not the issue with the chosen path. I tried different part time jobs like char mech, hotelero(?), sales (not retail), vet or logistics. ZERO motivation for any of it. It always started fine while I kept up my mask but usually after few weeks I couldn't find motivation to stand up anymore and quit. But also here they usually were happy with me and few even called me year later to help out again during summer holiday etc. + +I dont find any sports enjoyable. handball,unihockey,ski,sailing,boxing,... tried and tried nothing lasted over a month, except gym once because I thought all my problems are because of my physical appearance. Not even this gave me any motivation even though after intensive few months I got way more attention from women, people treated me better and so on. A normal human would be so happy with this change, for me it was whatever lets go back to bed! + +&#x200B; + +This no motivation follows me everywhere! I had a few romances including two longer relationships which lasted 1years and 2years with very beautiful&great character women. BUT the same problem again NO MOTIVATION. Obviously I fucked up and they eventually left because I had no motviation to put any effort in. + +I have great friends since childhood. Even now almost towards 30y they still meet multiple times per month and go on holiday 1-3 times /year since we are 18. even here NO MOTIVATION i usually join the holiday once a year but this is like enough. It is just not fun to me to hang out. No they are very good people, alone for the fact they still ask me out even tho i go deep sea most of the year. I just dont want to deal with any humans i guess. + +Kinda same with my family. I could call them any time and the financials are covered by my father. I just dont want to be alone. + +what i tried so far: + +3x different therapist, ambulant weekly session => completley useless. I lose motivation to go there after few times and dont feel i achieved anything ever from talking + +medicaments => worst decision ever. While it completley killed all my thoughts which i enjoyed i had even less motivation to leave my bed and the sweating side effects made it even worse. What a wasted year until i found the motivation to contact someone and say what happened. + +clinic => after 1 week i just wanted to leave and this stayed with me for the remaining 2months. Felt like a waste of time i had 0 motivation and every morning to stand up was a fight with my inner self. + +&#x200B; + +tldr: no motivation or joy in life since childhood for anything. literally 0 and i just wonder whats the point to live another 60 years laying in bed? + +good grades? hot gf? amazing friends? good looking? nothing brings joy + +&#x200B; + +No im not suicidal i just wonder am i missing something? anyone in a simillar situation found a solution?",No joy or motivation for almost all my life,1 +228,"My spouse cheated on me a long time ago, after which things became pretty good. She was nice to me, worked her way to get me back, and make me love her. Which I did for about 3-4 years and then I started feeling the urge to have someone else in my life and see what it feels like to be with someone else than my wife. I went down the worse path, I lied to someone about my marriage being in turmoil and how I still feel neglected by my spouse. I started giving more time to the affair over calls and WhatsApp, instead of providing the necessary time to my wife and daughter. + +Recently everyone found out about this, as the woman I was involved with was talking to me while her husband was home. Now her husband informed everything to my wife. I am constantly trying to say sorry and ask for forgiveness. My wife is talking to the other women and she is providing more details about what I used to say and not. + +During this affair sometimes I will feel weird about patching up with my wife but will stop myself and withdraw myself because I used to feel it was unjust to her while I am in another relationship. To touch her kiss her or even say I loved her. I am this horrible human being and I feel I don't deserve any of them. + +Now I have a hard time just living let alone working. I wish my wife forgives me. I tried talking her into marriage counseling but her point is you have mental issues, why should she suffer? + +Cant look into my daughter's eyes (she doesn't know anything). Same with Mom. My only support system in the world after I lost my dad this year was my brother. He knows everything about this now and is withdrawn from me, and anyway, he lives in a different country. + +I will be ok living alone too, I mean I will understand if my wife leaves me now. She has not decided anything yet. But to stay like this, it's difficult, do I have a right to live? Is there any hope for a monster like me? Please help if you think I am still worth living and loving.","I cheated lied and hurt people near and dear to me. Now everyone knows my lies and I do not feel like breathing, walking, or looking anyone in the eyes.",1 +229,"Some people dont understand that it was hard to wake up when youre not motivated. And when you woke up early, it is just you had strength to wake up and atleast self reflect, not because you wanted to do chores.",Difficult to have the strength to wake up everyday...,1 +230,"I'm struggling atm. Not as bad as I have been previousy, however, my logical mind seems to be undermining me. Everywhere I go it feels like people only want relationships that have a transactional value. The person that I am doesn't matter, lots of people can't understant even basic concept regarding lots of things, yet I seem to understand them fine. For instance 'giving without receiving' seems to be something the majority of people can't understand. I try and find communities, but my values of 'trying to not inflict suffering' and looking at the world in way that is communitive rather than idividualisticseems to be considered 'extreme'. The only friends I had made since I got sober verbally and physically abused me, and the other people didn't stand up for me and then acted like nothing happened after I lost my home due to it. + + +I tried to go to the buddhist center for guidance as it seems most inline with a lot of my beliefs, but there wasn't a proper teacher there and very few members. I need some help with human contact. How to find a group that isn't so polarzed it creates echo chambers and also not so un-aware it is detrementle for mental health. + + +I volunteer, I go to the gym. I'm fit and healthy (except for my mind atm, and even then, it's because I live in a world where I see all the death and hatred and how easy it couldbe different, so possibly understandable) + + +I would just like to beleive that I am not invisable. That I matter to someone somewhere. But I don't. If I died right now it would be an inconvenience because someone else would have to stop what they were doing to clean up and post an add on roomshare + +&#x200B; + +I feel like I spent so much time learning buddhism and stoicism just to be confronted by a world that is incredibly selfish and doesnt want me in it. And I understand this is black and white thinking, and I understand this isn't the entire planet, but it's the world that is available to me, and the possibilities are lacking","I need some guidance - stopped drinking 3 years ago, multiple bad experiences since and I feel seperate to everyone and everything",1 +231,That's how bad my mood is all day.,The slightest inconvenience makes me suicidal,1 +232,"I’m honestly afraid to get check cause what if i’m actually not suffering from depression? + +So, am I just feeling sad and lonely this whole time? That makes it a lot worse.",I don’t want to get medically diagnosed for depression,1 +233,"At last I know it. It's not going to get better, never; I can't change who I am, I can't change what I did.",I've finally realized it,1 +234,"I had severe depression as a teenager. It lasted for years but gradually got better. I got married, moved states, got an amazing job, bought a house, got dogs. Life was going so well. I still had my coping mechanisms but I was off medications. But in the last few months everything has been so much worse. I work a high stress job during the holidays so I normally take a nice vacation in the beginning of the year. It resets me and gets me ready for the year ahead. But this year it didn't help. + +Its been one thing after another in terms of bad things happening that I have to deal with. Between serious injuries to myself, high periods of emotional stress helping others through the darkest times of their lives, and high levels of stress with things that keep happening at work I can't keep up. Yesterday I cracked. I stayed in bed all day alternating between crying and feeling emotionally detached. Today was much the same. I'm just now feeling like I can bear to get out of bed and do anything. I have a therapy appointment set up. But it feels like I'm back to being that sad teenager with no way out. My coping mechanisms aren't working the way I need them too. Any advice to get me through this time is appreciated. Thank you, and much love to this community",Depression relapses,1 +235,"You already know. +How do you start. How bad is it for you.",Depression and cleaning,1 +236,"I’ve been really struggling for 3+ years now. My symptoms are down mood, EXTREME exhaustion no matter how +much I sleep, feelings of being on edge, feeling spaced out 24/7 like my mind is slow and foggy, feeling disconnected from myself and those around me, a bit dizzy or lightheaded, feeling no motivation and like everything feels hard, feeling as though I could loose my mind at any second and just general groggy and confused feeling even though I never do actually loose touch with reality. + +I have had blood work, brain MRI, every thing is normal! But truly I feel so strange and run down and frustrated every single day. + +Please, has anyone had these symptoms? Can they truly all be caused by poor mental health? And can they someday go away?? I am losing hope.",Is this depression & anxiety?,1 +237,I am in urgent need of a RENOWNED psychiatrist in the US. Local psychiatrist has not been able to help in a year and I am desperate. I will go anywhere…just need the best. Ty,Who are the BEST psychiatrist who specialize in depression in the US? Need recommendations. Ty,1 +238,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me I don’t know if this is the right place for this I’ve never been diagnosed but I’ve always been stuck with this feeling of nothingness I want to die but I don’t and it comes in waves one day I’m fine but the next I can barely get out of bed I don’t bother to get help even though I feel like I need it I think maybe I just wouldn’t know where to start or really imagine myself to be truly happy with anything +I have always resented the thought of maybe I’m depressed because it feels like that’s become the norm every person and their dog brags or says they’re ‘so depressed’ and I just didn’t want to turn out like that +The things I’ve said and done to people because I’m insecure make me hate myself and it was just for a couple of laughs with my friends I just hate myself but in a way there’s a sort of comforting feeling with how sad and shallow I feel +The dumbest thing is I have nothing to be depressed or sad about other than maybe I’m lonely because I barely talk to anyone anymore +Im sorry if this makes no sense it’s more of a vent than anything because I don’t know who else to go to or what to do with myself +goodnight all and sleep well I hope all is going well or starts to go well",Why don’t I get help (more of a vent than anything but yeah),1 +239,"I feel like everything is coming to an end around me. I feel like I'm rotting from the inside out and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel scared and alone, I'm terrified those around me will abandon me or forget about me but I'm too scared to reach out to them. my parents have been trying to contact me for days but I can't stomach the thought of talking to anyone right now but I don't want them to worry about me. I just don't really know what to do right now.",I'm not sure what to do anymore,1 +240,"Hello, + +My (now ex) SO has been diagnosed with depression. We have had a wonderful relationship built upon many common interests and values, and family blending. He pursued me, and we both wanted a serious committment. + +He admitted he felt depressed to me 2 months ago, when I asked him why we had been struggling to do outside things together. There are a few large situational stressors in his life atm, but he had not expressed the severity of some of these to me until now. + +I feel I see the worst of it, but friends get his 'all fine here' mask. Family seem to see more of it too, but they also come across quite critical which I feel makes him withdraw more. + +* He seems to not be able to make plans in advance anymore, even of a few days, meaning I cannot clarify if we will see each other until hours/late at night the day before. I have asked him what we could do to make this easier, work with how he thinks etc but he has not suggested anything. +* When I am visiting him, he is often engrossed in his cellphone, or just wants to watch TV in bed. The feel of absence hurts, but I try to co-exist and just be there. I have expressed this can be upsetting, and that idm if we do our own things together, but I need some of our time to be more about us interacting. This has been up and down, with things having seemed better lately. +* He has become more irritable, sometimes snapping at me or just seeming short all day. I can't seem to get anything right. +* I feel like we are always having a conversation through a different filter. I could be talking about something abstract, and he will somehow interpret it as a criticism. eg. the other day I had mentioned a friend bought new clothes for her partner as he was in need of some replacements, and SO took this as a sly comment at him to update his own wardrobe. +* I try to do nice things for him, leaving notes, bringing comfort items, making food, offering to talk if he needs to. He never wants to talk, and the nice things seem to leave little impact after an hour. +* The task of organising our time together is mostly mine, I have asked he share more of this how he can, such as both of us deciding on food options sometimes or suggesting something to do (just home stuff like movies) but this seems to have caused more strain despite him saying he was happy to do it. +* He has admitted he struggles to discuss his own feelings but also told me he will always be honest, which is now untrue as he seems unable to do so. +* When I try to talk about my feelings on a matter (related or unrelated) he tends to get frozen up and doesnt say much. If it involves him in any way, he has been snapping more and recently and told me he does not have to talk about things just because I want to. I was hurt. + +Things took a turn recently, and he ended it. I was confused, as things had been on the up that week. He had started meds a few weeks prior, and had a promotion. + +He said he doesn't know if we fit together but cannot explain why, then that it was actually him because he cannot sustain a relationship right now, then that he doesn't know who he is and just wants to be alone to figure himself out and cannot see ahead of himself or focus. But said he loves me and thinks I deserve better. + +I don't know what to think. Is this typical of anyone else's experience with depression and their SO? If so, what did you feel when it was you? Did you come back to your partner if your symptoms improved or you recieved working treatment? + +I have been depressed before, but recovered with treatment, however I can see all our experiences will differ and how people react to a partner will not always be the same. It manifested differently for me, so I am seeking insight and advice on how to proceed.",Depression in relationships. Did you leave? Would you return?,1 +241,"ive lost 7 friends to suicide now and im just completely destroyed, this most recent one i knew since march of 2022... im so sad and losing hope so fast what do i even do to cope anymore...",7th friend gone...,1 +242,"This is a way longer story but the just of it is I left an abusive relationship after he made sure I had no friends or family left, nowhere to go and Noone to turn to. I've been sleeping in my car for 3 weeks now with what few belongings I have. I had no job, he made sure I didn't work or have any savings. I'm at a loss right now. I have no money no where to go, no one to talk to. It's been in the low 30s at night and one blanket doesn't do much to help with that. I'm tired of being cold and hungry and dirty and alone. I can't take this much longer. I can't even shower because I have no means to, no soap, no money to take a trucker shower. I'm just so pissed at myself for letting this happen, I knew he was isolating me but did nothing to stop it. I feel like I can't even apply for a job because I have no clean clothes and no way to shower. I feel so stuck and it seems like my only option is to leave this world all together. I just wanted to be happy, but that's to much to ask. Sorry for the rant. I'm gonna be gone by the time anyone reads this. Please continue to help the people here that need it, you redditors are an amazing bunch of humans.",I'm just so lost and confused.,1 +243,"I don't known if this is the right place to seek advice of this kind, so i apoligize in advance. + +I (M27) have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and panic attacks by a psichiatrist and have been under antidepressants, that should work against anxiety aswell, for a while. I'm also followed by a therapist that i meet once a week. + +Life is better, my mood is better, i'm generally good, and making steps thorward a better life but i'm tired all the damn time and i don't know why. + +I sleep 8 hours, go to bed at midnight, and i wake up tired. I drink water, my diet is on check, no alcohol, no sodas, pretty clean. Once a year i get my blood checked out and everything is fine. I regoularly go outside on walks. Despite all this i'm always exausted, sleepy and tired. + +I need some advice because i have no clue what's going on.",Feeling tired all the time,1 +244,"I don't have the energy or will to become anything in this world, I don't want to work and slave away no matter what it is until I'm dead. Life really is shitty for people that don't have the willpower, mental capability, interest or motivation to partake in this sick society. I envy those who wake up and do what they love everyday, although they're probably few.",Tired,1 +245,i hate everything. everyone. even the ones I love,everything has been pissing me off,1 +246,"Whenever someone asks me “what do you want to do when your older” It makes me feel extremely suicidal because I’m reminded I have to work a job that I’ll hate for the rest of my life. And people say to find something your good at or you like and see if you can make a job out of that but the problem is that I don’t really have any interest and I’m not that good at anything. And on top of that I’m so unmotivated to work that even if I do find something I like I still won’t want to do it because I just don’t want to work. I’m really starting to think either I’ll end up in a mental hospital or I’ll just kms. And also even if I do make just enough money to live, I’m trans and I want to get top surgery and I can’t do that without money. I’m genuinely starting to think that this world isn’t made for me.",Jobs,1 +247,i was never ment to be born my mom just had sex and i was born 9 months later. my dad is even worse he calls me a faggot and fat and nigga im getting tired of being in this family. mom used to and still threatens to kill/hurt me i remember the time when she told me to not get on youtube and being the dumb 6 year old i was when she got back home and saw me on youtube she proceeded to sit on my head in front of my siblings (she is 204 pounds by the way) and i swear i heard a slight crack in my skull and ive been hearig this raoring sound in my head since. now im 13 and she beats the fuck out of me every morning when i slightly do somthing wrong like taking to long to find a pair of socks. when my grandpa died at 57 it took a toll on my life i was even more depressed than before ( i moved away from florida and to the state i was born in arkansas) one fateful day on jan 10 2021 we got a call from the hostpital in felsonthaw that grandpa was on his last breath we got there with 4 of my siblings and i got 2 choices watch my grandpa die on his deathbed or go with my other aunt i chose to go with my other aunt. i could have wen't to see grandpa as he died an hour later and mom uses his death as an excuse as to why she is depressed. one time i told mom i was sad/depressed her bitch fat ass said oh no its just those video games i fucking hate this bitch.,lets face it my mom emotionaly abuses me,1 +248,I m just a loser in life right now. I m 25 going to be 26 in some months and i haven't achieved anything in life right now. I feel like I m good for nothing. I lost all my hope to do anything better for me. I am avoiding everyone and staying isolated. I feel like i can't fit with them. What shall I do? I m a loser,Wasted 12 years of my life in depression.,1 +249,"I hate this time of year. It means I have a ton of yardwork to do until the end of summer. I hate doing my taxes. I hate the time change to daylight savings time. I hate that the air is going to be so much more humid and my hair is going to fuzz out to twice its size. I hate wearing warm weather clothing. I would much rather cover-up, and feel cozy. I get seriously angry and sad. Traumatic events from my past usually happen in the spring. Most people love spring and summer. I hate being this way. I’m tired of the screwed up world.",I get sad in spring,1 +250,"I'm not saying I have a plan to leave but man, I'd really like to leave, but due to familial and religious obligations that won't be possible. I found therapy to be just regurgitations of the same message ""well that's too damn bad"" or ""just don't think like that anymore instead think like this"". I've tried many times to completely change but I always revert back to the stupid self. So how do I endure this carnival ride til the sweet embrace of death? I'm 31.",So is this what it's all about?,1 +251,"Things started to go downhill once my dad got sick, and passed away. I lost my jobs due to Covid, and couldn't recover till the tail end of 2021. My grandpa had passed during 2021, and our house has started to fall apart. I work long hours, but still don't make enough to keep everything paid, even our property taxes. Now, a week away, the property tax offices are planning to take us to court and sue us for the debt we owe if we don't pay it by the 31st of this month, and they are also going to start legal proceedings on foreclosure. And when things started to get worse, our only car to go to and from work, and to go shopping and everything, broke down. Everything's piling on, and I'm just one guy. I've tried so hard to stay positive in the constant face of adversity, but I feel I am finally losing this battle again and again. Nothing has been going my way, and whether it's just bad luck or not, I don't know. I'm close to losing my job as well because of my absences, and I've nowhere else to turn. All of my coworkers and friends who have all told me ""I'm so sorry, let me know if I can help you!!"" go silent when I tell them exactly how they can help, ways and methods to help.. I am becoming bitter.. I'm gaining the mindset that they don't care what happens to me, but if they were in my shoes, they'd be crying and trying to fight just as much.. + + +I just.. feel so empty at this point, and I'm seeing no other way out of this.. I can't struggle for much longer.",I'm slowly losing grip,1 +252,"I'm fairly confident my parents won't take me seriously, though I don't have any basis for that. I just... can't bring myself to try. I've got a job(part time, though), I'm blessed will all sorts of things. And yet, I can't bring myself to try. I feel like it's pointless to try, that I'll fail anyways and somehow make my position worse. I know that I am capable of succeeding, and that I have all the tools I need to advance in my career and social position. But I just can't bring myself to try. I give up, fall into old habits, and now I'm just existing and waiting for even my parents to give up on me. I want to do better, but I just don't feel like I can, and i feel like it's pointless to even get out of bed in the morning sometimes.",Any idea on how to deal with Depression that don't involve telling someone?,1 +253,"I’m a 23 yo female who has been through the ringer the past few months. Started with anxiety based on some life circumstances and changes but quickly progressed into anxiety and depression. Living with my fantastic boyfriend but I’m currently unemployed and this is my biggest struggle right now. I just started w a new therapist and upped my meds. however, my thoughts are bad and I’m scared I’m getting to the point of no return + +The problem is I will rot living w my boyfriend right now, I’m doing nothing but waiting for him to get home. He’s doing his absolute very best and I’m so thankful for him and all he’s done for me. We aren’t breaking up and we have talked it through and both understand that moving back in w my parents is probably a good thing, as I will be able to focus on myself and my mom is a fantastic support system and is no stranger to depression/anxiety. My goal is to heal and find myself. With hopes of coming back when I get myself through this storm. + +Anyone else have to do this or something similar? It’s a very trying time for me and I know that by doing this I will have to take responsibility for my issues with my mom pushing me through it.",Moving back in w my parents at 23,1 +254,"I have been on 3 medications for about 12 days now. + +Trintellix 10mg, half a pill per day for 4 days and then one full pill a day. + +Vilazodone HCL 20mg, half a pill for 4 days and then 1 full pill after that. + +Olanzapine 5mg, 1/4 of a pill everyday. + +yesterday I decided to go cold turkey on the Olanzapine and Vilazodone HCL, but not the Trintellix. Is that safe and will there be any long lating withdrawal effects? + +so far the only thing i noticed is nausea, dizzines, and my body being extremly fatigued with a slight headache.",is it safe to go cold turkey after 2 weeks?,1 +255,"Hey everyone, + +a friend of mine struggels a lot since a few years. she is 59yo and about 4 years ago her mom got sick and she cared for her til the mom died. they lived in the same house. her adult daughter is on a different continent and cares pretty much for herself only -wich is ok, they have a good realationship, i just try to draw the whole picture. She lost a close friend to cancer in december, they have spent nearly every day together. + +Since 2 years she isnt able to work because of her depression. 2 months ago she tried to explain to her doctor that she wants to work again, not fulltime, just to get back some routine in her days. doc declined. + +Now shes at home most of her time. Alone. Her loved cat died earlier this year. she says the whole house just feel dead to her and she is so lonley there. But at the same time she doesnt want to be around others. i know that every time i visit her she struggles and is always close to cancel, but knows that she feels a little better afterwards. + +she is calling for help -indirectly. i get the calls. she wants back some structure in her days. she wants to help someone by reading books for kids or a women in a wheelchair who is helpless. But she cant bring herself to do it. + +I dont want to push her to much. But i also have to strong urge to help her somehow. more than visit her once a week and listen to her. But i dont know how. i cant imagine the situation she is going throuht. i cant relate to that feeling but i want her to get better and be that brave, wise, strong and creative person she was before. she wants help but i dont know how. she cant bring herself and i dont wanna be to pushy. + +i thouhgt maybe you guys can give me some advice! + +ps: she is in therapy",how to be there for a depressed friend?,1 +256,"No education, no family, no money, no discipline, few friends, no travels/experiences, few/no relationships, no car, bad job, bad anxiety, agoraphobia 2.5 yrs. + +SSRI's saved my bacon for anxiety but now I feel absolutely nothing when I orgasm. Sex isn't even fun anymore. I am 2 yrs sober off booze which is an achievement but another earthly pleasure I cant have. Smoking is my only escape. I severely lack self discipline and am constantly ashamed of myself for it. I cant plan anything in my life or build any pathway, I live day to day like an animal. + +I just hate what a pathetic and disjointed life I live. No path or career. No family. No education. Just an entry level WFH job and a bunch of medications to allow me to live life. I feel one literal step above homeless....I am the underclass. + +Fin",I have nothing,1 +257,really thought i was seeing some progress last week but guess not. just fucking tired of everything and feeling like shit. literally no one actually cares,Never actually getting better,1 +258,"I am not able to do anything , had some ""mental breakdowns"" i am scared to call people or socialise , even though i am a empath ,i keep extreme anger with me and can´t controll it , sometimes i just start to rage for small things cuz i feel like beeing on the edge at all times. I keep getting more hopeless the more days i life on this planet. + +Hyperfocused but then slow in thoughts and processing things. + +Hungry but not wanting to eat. + +Feelings of extreme tension and not-knowing my future due to big problems with work/education , family relationships , legal problems , substance abuse , traumatic stressful events happened often in my life, disresepect from many people around me ,that think i am just a lazy ,looser, too stupid to go to work and live a normal life( that shit hurts bad when feeling i do everything my body could ) + +&#x200B; + +The moment i got myself some help was when my suicidal thoughts got really bad and kept cycling lots of times a day in my head and crying , lying on the floor and sleeping too much without the good feeling of rest and beeing awake. + +&#x200B; + +I had a dream days ago : Of me beeing in a city and very very strong winds would blow , the people seem to walk normal and don´t feel the force but i feel it and need all my energy to take slow small steps , people watch me and look at me like i was doing something wrong , i felt like this describes how i feel best ( thank you subconscious ) there´s alot of suffering included that i can´t explain (feelings of guilt , not beeing able to move like everyone else) i feel tho as it would be a good metaphor for people to understand my point of view. + +&#x200B; + +I got a half-brother that is rather unsupportive and just saying something if he complains or wants me to feel bad , when i told him about my depression there wouldn´t be much said but then after a few weeks he felt like he should joke a bit about that and not taking it serious. Well brother you are not invincible to depression , take care in the future i told him and he shouldn´t be like that because it´s A very serious and dangerous illness ( his mom had a suicide attempt and is schizophrenic but he still doesnt understand the situation for me ) . I think he is a stuck soul and using narcissist behaviour to feel better about himself. + +I´ve seen things when i was younger that a child wasn´t supposed to see. + +&#x200B; + +for example : + +A friends sister was a heroin addict and i saw her tripping hardcore with 8-11 years of age. + +I saw real and brutally disturbing footage of ISIS and 2 people get decapitated with chainsaw and a knife , with 11 years. + +I saw some other nasty footages of suicides and other things that you shouldn´t watch as a kid ( horror movies aswell but they were not as disturbing ) + +Took some LSD when i was older , then the friend of a friend came home(who was a hunter) with a plastic bag and the head of a baby deer bloody nasty and not good when your on LSD) + +I´ve always had problems with my family and respect due to conflict with everything outside my home and then coming home and listening to financial problems of my mom and how my dad betrayed her and sh\*t just overloaded me (ALWAYS) + +All that stuff is terrible and if u have kids , don´t let them ever live a life like that , u are fcked real bad afterwards. My brain is not the same , i have mental breakdowns nearly everyday. And suicidal ideation is just the good part of it. + +&#x200B; + +I feel like my thoughts are hella aggressive and dark , sometimes when i just see words like bloodthirst , bloodshed i seem to calm down and I´m good , is this how my brain copes with things now? it needs trauma and horrifying things to calm down? + +&#x200B; + +I watch myself as a person that tries it´s best to keep going but not having people that understand mental illness and not providing support in a healthy way.. And bad things happen to me all the time but i keep going cuz the immortality of our soul is not bound to this earth but to the universe , so you can´t escape , not even with deleting yourself. + +&#x200B; + +I feel like i can´t ever escape but it somehow is good to deal with my problems rather than ignoring them. + +&#x200B; + +Edit: I guess i wasted my time now but it feels like i cleaned some emotions up. Cheers moderator ","I got a psychiatrist that says , i´m going to be fine soon.But this life wouldn´t be worth living if i don´t get diagnosed with smthg. because then i got some solid proof i am the problem and not my brain(chemicals)",1 +259,"I hate myself. I have super important exams coming up that will affect my life in the future, and yet I just cannot bear to study. Why? Why am I like this? Its not that I do not care, I am fully aware of the consequences and yet I am still a dumb piece of shit. And you know what the worst part is? My family. They love me so much, if I were to commit suicide they would be devastated, they have done so much for me, I cannot die, I am only alive because of them. I continue to stay alive for their sakes. + +I also have been given many opportunities in my life yet I waste it all away. I hate life and myself to the core. I wish I was never born.",I hate myself,1 +260,Don't know if i have some undiagnosed neurological condition,My concentration is incredibly poor,1 +261,"I’ve been waiting for so long for things to finally go my way, it’s like I’m finally going to get everything i deserve after all the bullshit. I should be happy. Should. It’s like i can’t even enjoy the good in life anymore I’m just waiting for the day i can leave this miserable planet. It’s now 3:30 am with tequila and weed as my only companions tonight. I want to give a special fuck you to all the people that messed me up so bad. I hope you burn in hell.",Even when things are better i still feel like this,1 +262,"Hi everyone! My 18 yo son just made a 2nd appointment in 2 months with our PCP because he is always TIRED. All his (extensive) blood tests came back normal. He also has sleep apnea testing scheduled in the coming weeks. But he is exhausted, and that’s making him miserable. He falls asleep on the couch after dinner when coming home from college. He has a LOT of trouble getting up in the morning. He has trouble getting through the day… + +We have a family history of depression (I still take antidepressants and so does my hypersensitive daughter), so the PCP wants to discuss depression with our son, which makes a lot of sense to me… but… aside from fatigue and it’s after-effects, he doesn’t have many depressive symptoms. Anyone else can relate? TIA!",Can FATIGUE be the most prevalent symptom?,1 +263,"i love talking to people who are lonely, i love helping people who are depressed, i love being there for someone when they need it. i enjoy comforting people who need it, but i’m stuck. going around like i’m not sad, i feel like i’ll never be able to open up to anyone. maybe it’s the pride in me or the fact that i don’t want to “burden” others with my heavy feelings. i love to offer consolation to others when in reality i’m not even able to take my own advice and i’m scared to open up and show these emotions.",i’m ____ but i’m also suicidal.,1 +264,"It literally makes me go to the srart point whenever something improves self steem. I have mysefl so much I don't see a point in fighting this illness anymore. Afterall, it will just be me again, isnt that sad itself? How do I break this loop? + +Any experiences or help will be more than welcome, I am fucking up my family, friends and relations and everything in general. Depression has taken over all my life.",How do I deal with depression when sel-steem is the biggest roadblock?,1 +265,"I don't know if its just me. +But my depression makes me lose track of time.. I can't believe its been 3 years since I started posting about being depressed and being a loser, and yet nothing have changed for me. Everyone is out there trying to succeed in their career. Trying to find a partner and build a future together. Living life like they should. Yet Im here struggling to be at least a decent human being for years and still failing at that. I feel like Im in shock right now. I should've known that its been a long time since I've been in this state.. but to see it with my own eyes. Seeing the '3years ago' just drives me completely mental.",That pure dread when you roll through posts from 3years ago and nothing have changed.,1 +266,"the more I learned about nutrition the more I applied it to my diet, then one day I couldnt afford healthy foods and had to eat processed foods and a few times had fast food because it was better than declining and getting no calories at all. + +by the end of the first day I was doing worse again. I didn’t notice the correlation until a week later when I could get healthy food again and saw the recent things I ate (I’ve been keeping track to do the math on how much nutrition I was getting) + +by the end of the day after eating healthy foods again, not even getting close to the proper amount for my age and weight, just having some I felt noticeably better. I was more productive,able to focus a bit more, moving wasnt something I had to work up motivation for, and I didn’t have to spend as much time getting myself out of the ‘I wanna lay here until I start to decay’ kinda mind. + +its kinda soul crushing and liberating at the same time. after a childhood of depression, trauma, neglect, then a few years of pure hell and not feeling any of the positive things even for a moment, I actually have control over one of the things thats contributed to life being unbearable. + +but now I’m realizing if baby me had healthy food options and someone to explain nutrition, it wouldnt have been as unbearable. to what extent, I don’t know. its too depressing to imagine. + +anyway the point is, pls prioritize your personal nutrition. I’ve tried so many things my entire life to feel okay, but without the components it needs, your brain just cant do very well. I tried to eat as healthy as possible as I got older, but even the seemingly healthy options I had available to me still left me very deficient. + +(obviously malnutrition isnt the only thing that causes depression, but it has a huge effect. a lot of foods are marketed to seem healthy even if the producer is cutting every possible corner to make as much money as cheaply as possible. with how prominent that is, you should look closely at the actual amounts of nutrition in the things you eat and drink)",I’ve recently been getting closer to reaching proper nutrition everyday and it’s made more of an improvement than any antidepressant I’ve ever been put on has,1 +267,Why is tiredness and not having any energy a symptom of depression? Like what is going on behind this? All of a sudden a wave comes along and instantly you need to sleep and then hours later you wake up but of course never actually feel rested. So why?,What's the science behind it?,1 +268,"I need to submit a 4-page paper in the next 4 hours, otherwise, I would fail my class. but instead, I'm here to vent about how much I hate life in general and in particular and in every way possible. + +but mostly, I hate me. This paper, for example, was due on Monday. it is Friday and I still haven't written a single page. and no, I wasn't busy. I was just being my procrastinating self. it is also 4 am and idk if I can have the energy to type anything down. + +Oh and also, this is not the first time this happened. I ALWAYS do this whenever I have a deadline coming up. always leaving things till the very last minute and always ending up doing a shitty job because of that. + +now, my problem with life isn't really about my inability to submit assignments on time, it is more about how fucked up I am as a person. whenever I fail to perform any form of task normally, I would get drowned in thoughts wondering why I am the way I am. + +all I do is cry myself to sleep, stress eat and procrastinate. like that's literally my cycle of life. + +Feeling shitty about my lack of disciple quickly becomes feeling shitty about the lack of love in my life, and how I have the shittiest parents who neither wanted me to exist nor knew how to love me. and how I at this 22 years of age, have not experienced a single moment of love with anyone ever, and how I am so touch deprived and how much pain I feel on a regular basis. + +this. mfing. pain. I never thought that being very mentally fucked would result in me feeling physically hurt from how much mental load I'm carrying? + +like as if a fucked up brain and a none existing self-esteem and self-worth are not enough... + +anywaysss, wasted enough time here. imma go submit whatever the fuck I can and put myself into a coma for the weekend so I don't feel a thing, I hope. + +no but wait I just remembered how I am also incapable of finding peace in my own dreams lmfao. + +whateverrr...",venting,1 +269,"Had depression ages ago and I think it's creeping back, although it doesn't feel as severe as it was last time. Before it was work stress, this time there's really not anything. + +The hardest part for me right now is I don't have any reason to be unhappy, nothing I can really point to and say this is making me feel like crap, and that makes me like a bratty little B crying and complaining + +There's nothing really to talk to others about because again, there's nothing that I'd even remotely describe as saddening or upsetting. + +Now I'm stuck being frustrated, pissed, and sad a lot of the time which makes me feel even more bratty and cannot break the cycle. + +Anyone on the same boat or have been on the same boat that don't mind sharing how to get out?",No reasons to be unhappy yet I am,1 +270,"I hate waking up. I hate remembering everything. I hate this stupid ass town i live in, and most of all I hate myself. I wake up in the morning and i'm fine for about 3 seconds until i remember all the shit i have to deal with. I have absolutely nobody who loves me and every relationship i've ever had has failed. I think i might just kill myself..",I'm so sick of everything.,1 +271,"I've been off my meds for a few months waiting for my health insurance to kick in. Finally get it on and I had to wait 2 months until April. They're so backed up. January I got rammed by a lady who tried to rush a yellow. + +Tonight, I was going down the road at 38mph in a 40 zone, and the truck behind me kicked in his high Beams. The car ahead of me was about 5 car lengths up and decided to stop to turn and I didn't see it because I was being blinded by the bat signal behind me and I was trying to fiddle with the anti glare mirror. He stopped, no turn signal or any reason why, but I fucked up and slammed on my brakes. Hit him. I already had one set back this year. No collision coverage. I do for this one but I borrowed money to buy this car. + +I hoped I was going to die but all I have is bruised ribs that might be broken. Tempted to not go to the doctors to get it looked at and hope it kills me.",I fucked up. 2nd car accident in 90 days.,1 +272,"I hate working. I can only get jobs in the serving industry & I hate it. I don’t want to go back to fast food, but a retail store would be nice. Although I always get denied. +I broke last week & quit both my jobs in the same day w no savings. +I have no friends. No family. +Thinking of just selling all my furniture, paying my last month’s rent & living in my car. +Idk what to do about car payments tho. If I can’t find a job I that won’t make me miserable by the time it’s May 1st. I’ll pretty much off myself. My lease ends April 31st. +I am just too depressed & I’ve been feeling 💀 a little too strongly lately. I feel lost. I feel like I kinda fucked myself over for a reason. +But also I couldn’t stop crying during shifts or get told I look like I just woke up even though I had so much makeup to try to cover up looking so sick & sad.",I’m tired,1 +273,i don’t feel too bad when i’m out in the day or just around people but I live alone so when I go home I end up not being able to distract myself and most of my friends are away on a trip so I don’t have anyone,I can’t handle the emotional ping pong of feeling semi okay during the day then severely depressed at night,1 +274,"Depression is nothing new to me. I came across a TikTok giving everyday reasons why I should stay alive “who is going to eat that chicken.. wait until you’ve done this.. experienced that..” + +I just realized I unconsciously think about this all the time in the sense that I live each day like it’s almost the last in a resigned manner. Almost as if I know an impending vacation is coming.. like any day coming up I’m prepared to be gone. strange to describe and put into words but let me give an example. I always make sure to have enough money to cover any debts, remaining rent, and cost of funerals, etc. I’m not even that old (19) and don’t own many things - I never shop for wants only needs - but this has been ingrained in my mind somehow. I wake up each day and think if I got in a car accident what things I would need to make sure is taken care of, like what things in the fridge would rot, whether the trash is taken out, whether I need to vacuum soon or if there’s dirty laundry. I just don’t want anything regarding me and my life to be an inconvenience or troublesome for anyone else after I’ve passed. I always make sure to be on good terms with people after a conversation, i.e. never leave an argumentative interaction with someone unresolved. My things are all boxed up and very easy to just be thrown away when the time comes. Don’t really keep extra things that need sorting or memorabilia/souvenirs, only the necessities. Even grocery shopping I really only buy enough to eat to survive. I’ve really distanced myself from my relationships so there’s not really many people that would even notice I’m gone. + +I’m passed the point of active ideation but always wish I was and will be gone soon. All these social media posts talking about how there’s all these things more to experience or wish for don’t mean shit to me anymore. I literally don’t care and have no regrets. No regrets as in I have accepted the fact that I won’t experience them and I’m ok with that. Or regarding “good” experiences in life - like sunsets or whatever else - I’m of the perspective - I’ve experienced that, nice. But worth staying? Nah. + +Weird rant, poor articulation but does anyone else feel this way?? Idk I just find it ‘funny interesting’ that I never truly realized this, the involuntary actions of everyday",Haha realization but not??,1 +275," + +I (28m) have been suffering from depression since childhood when I was 15. I was diagnosed with OCD and depression/anxiety by doctors and had been taking fluoxetine regularly. I was good for last couple of years. Then I went to Australia for my further master’s studies from my home country and it started reoccurring again. I started feeling lonely and the suicidal thoughts started again. I could not get it out of my head at any time. So, I returned to home country after I thought I could not take too much. After consulting doctors I got medicine change. Now I am worried if I should go back or not. I am too scared to go back there now. I think I will eventually commit suicide one day or another. My family has invested money and want me to go there but I am unsure if I will be good there. What can I do in this situation? Please help",Worried about my life and future,1 +276,"I have been battling depression since 2019 for various reason, and I started to feel better recently and I was actually on my way to reduce my anti-depressants in order to stop them, but week ago I heard about my ex getting engaged and I started to feel like shit, it is not because I love her or anything, I am so angry inside because I think her and her family doesn't deserve happiness after what they did to me and I don't know what to do, I have been seeking peace of mind for over a week, I started to think about things I stopped thinking about long time ago, like life, religion, reality and death which they used me to question why am I alive and why I can't feel happy, I have supporting family and a good job, I just feel like fainting all the time, I even did many medical tests and the results were all normal, I am just sick of this feeling and I don't know what to do",my ex got engaged and I feel miserable,1 +277,"When I really think about it, I’ve never really had any long period of happiness within my life. I’ve tried so many things that I thought would make me happy. I’ve tried therapy, antidepressants and so many other things. I certainly don’t have a bad life, but still, I’ve never been happy for more than fleeting moments. The happiest I’ve ever been is in a relationship I had, but I just became reliant on her for my happiness which just caused it to fail and leave me worst than ever. It feels like I couldn’t even find that again even if I tried. I just truly don’t know what to do anymore. Am I just fucked up?",Is long term happiness possible,1 +278,"I (23M) was having a pretty good day but now i got a depressive episode and nothing helps. I tried to do all the things that helped me through the years like videogames and music but now i just feel sad. + +I dont know how to go on with this shitty life i made for myself. Left university like 1 or 2 years ago due to financial problems and a general lack of interest and motivation on anything. I dont have a job due to an unexplainable fear or something. I just feel like i cant and wont search for a job or something to study. + +Now i survive with money i saved from holidays and whatever i can get from my parents. I live with my mom and cook for us. My dad left but still talks with us and sometimes gives me money or buys me stuff. + +Now my mother wants to go to germany with my sister and send me there or any european country to get a job or a degree. I always tell her i will look into it just to search 5 minutes and forget about it. I really dont think my depression will magically dissapear going somewhere alone. I already had several trips and no matter where i go i always feel like shit. + +My friends talk to me about getting a job or going to the gym and other stuff but it just bothers me sometimes. In my birthday my friends girlfriend said she would want to adopt me and for a second i was ready to accept and move along. Obviously it was a joke so i laughed it off and joked that if that happens i would be more a pet than a roommate due to my low costs of living. We laughed but from time to time a life like that really seems like a dream. + +To just live like a cat and have my basic care covered while doing whatever is the only life i aspire to because i dont do shit. Even now it wouldnt be much of a change from my daily routine thats basically wake up, cook lunch, eat with my mom, spend almost all day on my pc and going on my phone until i fall sleep. Somedays there are other things like going to the store or hanging out with friends. + +I dont know why im posting here, just to rant really and feel like internet people care about this shit because i sure as hell dont. Or at least not enough to do something about my situation. I just feel tired and sad and like a massive shit and like i could do more but i dont know what. I just feel hopeless and say it is what it is and move on but i dont know how long i can do this.",My life is going into shambles now,1 +279,"I deserve to feel this way because of it. I’m the most useless form of life. I deserve contempt. + +Can’t do. Won’t do. What’s the difference?",I’m just lazy,1 +280,"I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels undeserving of a relationship. My thinking is that it just wouldn't be fair to whoever chose to go out with me, you know? I don't think I could face them when I get so bad that I can't even get out of bed, they shouldn't have to deal with me. I wouldn't want them to look at me differently. I don't even talk to my friends about how depression gets me feeling, because I'm afraid they'll see me differently too. They don't deserve to have to listen to me drone on. I don't even know how to explain how I feel to them, the few times I tried. How do you all open up about it to others? Is it even worth confiding in friends? Even though they do care, what good will it do?",Undeserving of a relationship,1 +281,Food doesn't taste as good anymorre. Colors aren't as bright. Little things that use to at least bring me some small pleasure just don't do it anymore. All the hobbies and activities that brought me joy and satisfaction don't seem worth doing. This is just my life now and I feel powerless to bring the light back to my life.,Dull,1 +282," + + + +Going to be my last week of living. Can’t be bothered if everything I do and people don’t stay.. Gonna head to this cliff I know in the morning and jump. Can’t be bothered anymore. +Been dwelling on my predicament since I was 16. Bullied, ugly, no friends and autistic complete loner. Year ahead went by still the same but found someone honline suppose not talking to anyone irl dew to social anxiety and self hatred left me in a pit of disappear suicide ideation what I did a few time 1 almost fatal. Saw how my family reacted so I continue till I’m here. They are enjoying life and I still feel out of place. I’ve given it time and tried no one stays nor can I find a reason too. Gonna head to this cliff I know in the morning and jump. Can’t be bothered anymore.",Alone as always. Going to be my last week of living.,1 +283,What's the point of medication if the slightest thing can STILL trigger a major depressive episode with suicidal ideation? What's the fucking point?,Meds Feel Useless,1 +284,"You can’t help me. You can, but you can’t. You could care, so you can help me. But you won’t, so you can’t. + +I see that now. I was hoping someone would not come and fix everything for me but that they would care. I tried it all, I tried caring so that maybe someone would too. I tried not to expect anything back and I did that but when things got rough and I cried for help, no one was there. People would only take from me, and now that I’m kind of empty, with nothing left to give, no one’s there. + +But only kind of. It’s not so bad that I can’t see a light at the end or that I’ll never smile again. It’s that I’ll probably never get the only thing I ever craved for. That’s terrible actually but I don’t know, shit has a way of always getting worse than it is. + +While that undoubtedly sucks, life is about more than that for me. I’m not down 24/7, thank the Lord, so I can’t act like my life is over. Get me not wrong, sometimes it stings really awfully and for long periods too. But there’s an entire world out there beyond my own personal lil one that is fascinating, to use one word to describe life. + +I should go back in my head. It was always great every time, I would be my own patter in the back and it worked, it works, because I never let myself down in the sense that I always care. + +And it’s not like I want to be babied around either. May not seem like it but I’m a strong person inside, I don’t go down easy and every time I do I never stay there longer than necessary. But even the strongest need a helping hand every now and then and I’ve never had that, not genuinely. + +Now is one of those times. And what I needed now isn’t even that big a deal. Just someone who would listen and understand. You’d think that wouldn’t be so hard to find. + +Anyway. C’est la vie, cheries. I want to go back and fix myself by myself like I’ve always done but not come back this time. It was only when I came back and hoped that I got bit in the ass. Every single time. But no longer. + +I’m smart enough to understand and to move on and to focus elsewhere and to do so many other things this world has to offer that fulfill me. One of the best lessons I learned in life was how to take the L. Accept it, let it go and carry on. + +Here’s to hoping","What is this, what is it",1 +285,That is all. I hate all of this.,When it rains I go on a long walk so that I know what tears would feel like running down my face.,1 +286,"I have been feeling for a few days, almost weeks now that I need a cry. And for some reason or another, I just can’t. I’ve watched all the common videos, those Thai commercials and the last ten minutes with the dog. NOTHING is working. Help",I challenge you to make me cry.,1 +287,"I am autistic and noise sensitive, my mum kicked me out of the house for punching a wall and banister and that just made me wanna commit suicide.",I'm 65% away to committing suicide,1 +288,"For the last two years I,ve been in a state of frustration in which I can’t seem to get out of. I feel like a live in a backwards culture that doesn’t care or give two shits about intimacy and relationships. Before COVID, I had a shot/ opportunity to get in a arranged marriage because certain conditions were available. ( Please, Do not bring up dating because it’s not a thing where I’m from). But after COVID, every thing that I planned for got screwed over, and now parents refuse to arrange a marriage until I graduate. + +To be in a relationship early on in my life was never negotiable thing for me. I have lost interest in literally everything I used to find enjoyable. Tv shows, Gaming, Connecting with friends , you name it. I also stopped having conversations with my parents. + +The only thing as of recently I,ve been doing, Is take a shit load of courses/credit hours and spend 90% of my time just focusing, planing, and revising how I could be done with this with least time possible. I’m CE Major, and I,ve been powering through it all. But , I,ve been also worried how being In this state for too long would affect me in the future. + +My routine is study, sleep, eat, occasionally go to the gym. But that’s it. I barely connect and talk with anyone.",Need some advice,1 +289,"i'm near 30 and never had a girlfriend, last week a girl kissed me and the next day all my depression went away. I had energy again to clean the house, i felt that my spirit is smiling and the world is not a scary place anymore. the girl didn't wanna have a second date so the depression came back after the feeling of the kiss is over and now i feel like my soul is a zombie suffocating and trying to grasp some air to continue breathing and stay floating in this universe for a while longer.",i'm depressed because i'm single,1 +290,"I don’t have the worst depression room but I let clutter, especially clothes build up on the desks and floor. I also struggle a lot with things like regularly changing out my sheets and blankets which definitely didn’t help. A couple days ago I saw a little bug crawling on my blanket. The last few days I’ve been finding more of them- another one on my bed, a few on my walls, my windowsill, in my closet, on the floor. I’ve been hypervigilantly looking for them at this point and changed all my bedding as well as finally washing some clothes but I think the damage is done. + +Because of the clutter, my room is filled with dust, especially in a few specific places, and I’m fucking terrified of what I could find there, especially under my furniture. But obviously I must already have an infestation. I’m scared to do ANYTHING in my room now because I know I’ll find more. My clothes that I couldn’t fit in the first wash round is still on the floor and I’m terrified to touch it because I feel like it’s crawling with bugs. + +I’m also guessing they’ve been there for way longer than I realize, so I don’t even know how long bugs have literally been crawling around in my bed with me. I was waiting for the day my room would get bugs and I’m guessing it happened recently because my parents stopped being on me much about cleaning my room after I turned 18. + +I’m planning to just suck up the shame and ask my dad to help me look and deal with the disappointment but I have to wait a week for him to come back from a trip. In the meantime I have no idea what to do because I feel like they’ll keep multiplying. Even starting to think about vacuuming and deep cleaning is overwhelming. Where do I even start???? Fuck","My depression room got infested with carpet beetles, probably because I left clothes on the floor for weeks and I don’t know what to do",1 +291,We tend to be self critical and it can really distort our image of ourselves,Practice self love,1 +292,"This may turn into a ramble and be somewhat disjointed so apologies in advance. + +I'm a 21 year old guy from the UK and I've been planning and thinking of ways to end my life since the start of the year. I've been in a dark place for as long as I can remember, never seeing a point to life when we just die in the end, been bullied since year 3 of Primary school all the way until I finished my GCSEs. From the start of 2023 I've hit the lowest I think I ever have, with little to no care for life anymore and just wishing I was dead. I've planned the typical things like hangings, thought of the overdose routes, dangerous driving, whatever I have access to I've considered what ways I could kill myself with them. + +As far as life goes I never really saw a point to it if death is just going to be the inevitable end, so why not just make it sooner? + +I cut off contact with all but 3 of my friends from secondary school shortly after finishing GCSEs, 1 of which died last year, 1 was my ex (we remained good friends, had some rough patches though) who just up and blocked me midway through last year with no explanation as to why, and the last I don't talk to all that much. I am quite an angry person from all of the bullying I've endured and most of the outbursts are often me exclaiming ""I just want to KMS/die"" and everything in relation. I have an online friend group who has often heard my outbursts but they take no notice and seemingly don't care. + +I was at college until 2020 when I completed my course, but of course COVID happened and my future plans were all thrown out the window. So I've mostly just tried to cope with that and find jobs to act as a stop-gap until I can find an opportunity in the field I want to be in, but I've lost all motivation and care for finding it. + +I always see the things of ""do something that makes you happy"" or ""find someone who will listen to you"" or whatever other bullshit people say to make you reconsider killing yourself, but none of them are useful. If anything they make me want to do it more. At this point in my life I'm nothing but a burden and a mental weight on those around me, I'm in this dark pit and quite frankly don't have the care anymore to try and get out of it since I always seem to end up back here but falling further in every time. I can't live through another cycle of this process. + +I'm done, and I think it's time I start preparing and fulfilling some of those plans I've made.","I don't care to live anymore, and I haven't seen a point to it for a long time",1 +293,"I'm having a really, really bad episode right that is giving me a panic attack thinking I ruined something good. I just need someone to talk to. Please",Someone to talk to and help calm me down,1 +294,"I’m a very lighthearted person on the outside. Joking is how I connect with others, and it’s how I cope. But inside I am miserable. It’s my own fault for not opening up to people in my life, but at the same time there’s so many reasons not to. But sometimes I wonder how my friends, coworkers, teachers, and family would react if they found out what I’m going through, if they somehow understood. I just wish someone understood me.",Sometimes I wish they knew,1 +295,I've had depression for about 25 years now. I try working on myself and things seem to get better in a sense and I was even started talking to a female and things seem just a little brighter for a moment. That was until I found out that my best friend of 20 years now is fucking her and telling her all kinds of shit that's just outright untrue. I'm not sure if this is the right sub to post stuff like this but I just feel lost and I'm not sure what to do,I just want to disappear,1 +296,"going to doctor to get a bottle of sleeping pills, going to crush them up in alcohol bill and frank style, get drunk and high for the last time, think of the love of my life + + +go to sleep and rest in peace",checking out,1 +297,"I am mentally ill and low iq. Everyone is so much better than me at everything. No friends, partner or family. My life is completely worthless and I definitely will not endure living 40+ years like this.",I'm a loser,1 +298,I can only drink on Fridays which is tomorrow and I can’t wait even tho alot of the time I have a panic attack or start crying while drunk lying on the floor crying and puking in the toilet and not being able to think is so much better than this life,Alcohol is the only thing I look forward to,1 +299,"Hi. I’m a 14 year old freshman. Recently I’ve been sleeping in a lot to the point I don’t set an alarm because someone will always wake me up. Some nights I skip brushing my already disgusting teeth because I don’t have the energy for it. School has just been boring and sucky lately. A few times I get stressed or upset or don’t do good at something I seriously start thinking about whether I have a use in life or whether it’s worth it to continue living. These thoughts always go away once I’m in a better mood. Lastly, free time is never fun anymore. I’ll blank out and stuff or just not be able to relax. + +The only time I can relax is with my school friends or with my online friend. Or in bed making up stories in my head. But my online one is only available like once a day for a few minutes. + + +Is this bad? On the other hand people in my life have way more stressful lives. Plus I have really volatile emotions so I’m probably just overreacting and overthinking this. Idk. What are your thoughts?",Kinda thinking I have high-functioning depression?,1 +300,I feel like i was abandoned by all my friends,I feel like i was abandoned by all my freinds,1 +301,"Every moment before it’s present. Every thought before it’s thunk. Every emotion before it’s felt. Every plan before it’s made. Every goal before it’s met. It even consumes itself. It mostly consumes itself. Feeding off of itself yet never failing to sustain. + +It’s a cloud of rain reminding you that it’s ready to pour if at any moment you decide to enjoy the sun. Some days are all rain. Some days the cloud just lingers, never letting you forget that it’s there. It’s always present. It refuses to be ignored. + +It reminds you to stay locked inside so that you never end up getting caught in the rain again. It reminds you not to make plans so that you won’t become disappointed when the rain washes them away. It reminds you to be content in your small space and to be thankful that you’re protected by the safety of four walls and a roof. + +It’s suffocating but it’s safe. It’s confined but it’s familiar. There’s no room for growth but at least you’ll never get lost. + +At first, people in your life may offer you an umbrella. But you know the umbrella can never guarantee you’ll stay dry. Even when locked away inside- the rain will at times find it’s way to you. Staying inside is the best way to minimize your risk. The rain is too much. + +You can’t be disappointed by the things you never achieved if you never sought to achieve anything to begin with. You won’t have to blame yourself for being subjected to the rain if you don’t step out from under the protection of your small roof. If from time to time the rain still manages to make its way in- you can at least take comfort in knowing it was unavoidable, as you did everything you could to avoid doing anything at all. + +It multiplies. The more you think about the rain, the more clouds appear. But again, it will not be ignored. The multiplying is inevitable. The more you dread the rain, the more rain comes. The more rain comes, the more you dread the rain. It’s a never ending cycle. It multiplies itself until there’s no longer room for anything but rain clouds and one day you’ll forget there was ever anything but. + +It washes away everything that once was, everything that is and everything that will be. Every moment before it’s present, every plan before it’s made, every emotion that wasn’t born from the rain and every goal before it can be met. Serving as a constant reminder to stop expecting more than rain. Eventually you won’t even remember the sun, which in a way may makes the loss of it easier to bare. + +But while it cleanses your tiny world of everything that can be seen, heard, felt or thought- it never washes away itself. + +It’s always present. It’s impossible to ignore. You have become the rain. + +- + +I’ve never written anything like this before so I don’t know what what type of literature this would be referred to as, but I wrote this to try and describe how depression feels to me. Just thought I’d share. + +edit: typos",It Consumes,1 +302,"This is a good week, I had a good day. And all it takes is one person to fuck it all up dude. + +I hate her, I hate her so much but I hate myself more I wish she aborted me. I wish I actually jumped out my window when I was 16. I wish I had a lighter so I could burn myself. + +It hurts because I was OKAY I did everything right, I’m getting myself together and it’s so hard because everyday I have to come home to her. + +I don’t have anyone to talk to, I don’t want to scare away anyone, I don’t want to be a problem in anyone else needs to deal with. + +I’m so tired.","I was doing good, and now I’m not.",1 +303,How do yall get through heartbreak? My love has made me feel so horrible today. I feel like part of us is missing now that I may not be able to move on from in this relationship. I really just need some kind words right now. I feel my worth to her isn't the same anymore. She says it is but her actions dont show it. Ive had a rock in my chest since I woke up 18 hours ago and cant sleep. I cant go to any of my friends right now because they will hate her. Im just feel so alone in this.,Today has been one of my toughest days.,1 +304,"Hey I’m not sure if anything is actually wrong with me prolly not prolly just me being extra but was wondering if anyone could help me figure out if there is?I have been feeling kinda driftless?Ive begun to not really enjoy things anymore and not feel happy doing things?I don’t enjoy videogames,Youtube,Tictok,fuck I don’t even enjoy talking to my girlfriend anymore.I should be happy asf Im buff and getting buffer,I’m growing my hair out and it looks awesome,I have a 4.0 and im basically sleeping through those classes,and im in a really good intimate relationship.But for some reason im just not enjoying anything im not sad per say just not happy it feels like the days are just going by and im just going through the motions",Im not enjoying things anymore even though I should be feeling great,1 +305,"16f soon to be 17. mom's a schizo, dad's not present, parents are divorced and are both narcissists + +i'm homeless because my mom believes she doesn't need a job because the king/prince of dubai is her soulmate and she'll be a millionaire soon ?????? i can't get a job either because she moves onto the next location every time i mention it. we hop from campground to couch to car to hotel and it's been this way for 6 years but her psych has deteriorated over time + +barely made it through high school. i still haven't taken my 11th grade exam even though it's due soon. i haven't actually studied in years because i've had too much shit going on to focus. i did online school from 6th grade to 9th grade and have been fully homeschooled since. my brain's turned to mush. i failed every subject besides science and history so now my grades are too low to get into college. i also can't attend college because it's too much money. we literally have like 60 dollars in the bank bc someone lended it to us but it's gonna be gone soon cause my mom blows it on shit we don't need + +i don't have any friends. or have anyone to talk to for that matter. i've never had an irl friend and it's been a year since i had an online friend. she has really strict rules around socialization and going outside. i'm watched like a hawk. i don't go outside unless my mom is right by my side but my dilemma is that i genuinely hate being around her because she's obnoxious and rude to everyone, but it's also my only opportunity to be part of the world instead of rotting alone inside all day. not like i get the chance to very often because she's lazy af and doesn't even like going on walks or going inside stores. she just orders things. the most i'll go outside is to walk to the bathroom across from our cabin or walk out to the car + +i'm always bored and lonely, have been my whole life basically, and it's resulted in me being completely apathetic towards everything. it's agonizing to say the least. i always feel empty and disconnected from my body and the world. the only thing that makes me feel good is maladaptive daydreaming but it's not reality. each time i accept that it's not reality i spiral further down and it feels like my head is physically ripping apart + +my mom does so much more shit i won't even get into + +cps is shit. cops are shit. both have done nothing but ridicule me. ruled my case as lies somehow. they shattered the only spirit i had left thinking that things would get better. nobody cares. i had one relative i could turn to and they said they'd arrest both him and me if i tried to stay with him + +i can't just leave because i don't have any resources, nowhere to stay, no money, no direction, etc and i'll probably get arrested this time + +i'm fighting for a life spent alone, in poverty, depressed, and being controlled. i don't see the point. suicide really does seem like a sweet prize i've earned after all this mess",i have no future. what's the point of living?,1 +306,"I have no where else to go. No one else to talk to. I have nothing. I wake up to work for my dad who abuses me daily and degrades me consistently but I’m trapped. I can’t leave, I can’t disappoint him. Day after day I’m trying my hardest to just survive. I’m not living anymore. Each day is another battle where the goal is to make it to the end. I don’t “live” anymore. My girlfriend has been hiding shit from me and lying to me and I’m such a coward and so lonely I can’t leave her. I try my absolute hardest to take her out do nice things care for her and I get treated like shit in return. I dragged her from her lowest point of binge drinking and self harm into a confident, hardworking girl who had goals. 2 and a half years of putting her before me for her to hangout with guys behind my back. I have no friends. My “bestfriend” I would talk to for years before anyone liked him or talked to him when everyone just hated him. Then finally he gets some other friends and he talks shit behind my back and tries to convince my girl to break up with me. Multiple times and she just lets it go on. My life isn’t valuable to no one else so why should it be worth something to me. The only person keeping me in this world is my mother who is the only one to always care about me and protect me. she’s my guardian angel always looking after me. And I’ve tried to be the best kid I could for her. No drinking no smoking no drugs nothing like that to waste the hard work that she has put into me. If you have read this fair you’ve done more than 90% of people in my life so thank you. I hope you all are having a good day",Nothing to live for.,1 +307,Can please anyone help me I feel so bad like I want to feel alive so bad please if you are reading this and you have mental illness and you want to use weed to get rid of it please don’t it will make it so much worse I took 700 mg of edibles a couple years ago and I still don’t feel normal like I think it made it worse get away from drugs if you have depression it will make it so bad please don’t do it I don’t want anyone to feel this way please if I can help one person not go through dissaociatikn don’t do it,Disassociation,1 +308,"New life update: started new job.. Its way better than my last one and pays a dollar more but it definitely has its own cons like my schedule completely ruining my sleep… Aside from the job… +Im miserable…. Im lonely….. & I dont know what in doing with my life…. +How long until the people I work with and the regular customers I deal with realize im just a sad, cranky, corrupt mf? This facade takes energy… My room/apt is cleaner than its been since forever, im eating a bit better.. brushing my teeth again, showering daily… But I still feel sad… How long can I keep this bs act up???",How long until I stop caring again?,1 +309,It feel like an excuse for sure,Am I depressed because I don't wanna escape from it ?,1 +310,"Tonight I (f29) drove 85mph in a 35 zone and kept digging into the gas pedal in the pouring rain until I came to my senses and decided to slow down. I know this road well so I knew many sharp corners were coming my way and that going that fast may actually kill me and I may very well topple my top heavy SUV over. + +I want to live but I don’t have any will left in me either. I have chronic illness which prevents me from working, I feel useless. A burden to my family, society and am constantly judged because I don’t “look sick”. Besides this incident tonight I dream of finally ending it all, daydream about it. Think about it constantly. It scared me. I haven’t been in this dark of a place in roughly 18 years. + +I’m afraid to seek more help. I don’t want to get “locked up”. + +Help…",Suicidal thoughts won’t stop creeping in and I feel I may put myself in real danger.,1 +311,"No, I don't really think I'm going to get better. I'm probably going to end up offing myself either way. But at least I can die knowing I tried.",I'm going to try,1 +312,"If it wasn’t for the fact that my dog has to use the bathroom I would stay in bed all day and not do anything. + +I’ve made so many mistakes in this last year that I don’t know if I can recover. I just used my CashApp as my primary bank for a job I just got because my bank account was closed months ago. + +I have a whole month of my life gone because I had to have an emergency surgery that didn’t heal properly and the meds fucked me up so bad that I’m still not right mentally. + +I’ve lost so many friends and family members because I wanted to live my life how I wanted to. I went back to my childhood home, to the people who adopted me and raised me, after two years of not seeing them for many reason just to see my pictures removed from the walls. I don’t feel wanted anywhere. + +The only real friends I have left are online gaming friends that live in other countries. I have no one around me anymore. I am alone. I hate it. I had everything. Now I’m nothing.",I’ve written this four times,1 +313,"Everything in the world is grey and dull. My lows are low while I never have any highs in life, no matter what I try I genuinely can’t feel happy. I’ve gotten to the point where I just think I cant, I find myself questioning what I’ve done to deserve to feel this way. How I’ve slighted god in some way to put me through this daily mental torment. There’s so much anger, so much sadness and pain within me. All I want is a friend, maybe even someone to love. Since elementary school I’ve been heavily bullied, that accompanied with my anti social nature and depression and I ended up being an outcast all throughout school. I thought things would get better when I graduated, I thought I’d be entering a new bigger world that would give me opportunities to meet new people and finally make memories I can look back on fondly. I wish I still had that ignorant bliss as it was the one of the few times I’ve felt hope. But I see now that I had only convinced myself that was the case, the world in reality is just a cold dark place that doesn’t care about you with no one who will care about you in it. I’ve made a deal with myself that if things don’t get better by the time I turn 21, then I don’t want to live anymore. As of today I’ve got 389 days left, I’m not going to change my mind on this. I’d rather be dead than live a miserable life",On my 21st birthday I’m killing myself,1 +314,"I'm 32M and have been dealing non-fixable problems for a long time. I've seen that extended family is pretty much an arseholes and there's a tipping point where my life changed because of that. + +* At the end of Uni i realised one thing; i feel like i picked a wrong subject. That's the time that i realised that working in IT back in my birth country, i won't achieve anything or can afford anything by myself. +At the same time, i realised and considered my existence in this life. I feel nobody could hear my voice, nobody cares, and so on. +* Graduated, i ended up couldn't find a job for years. Literally years. +I had only two jobs: one for 6 months and another for 1 month. I never and even up until today, feel proud that i worked there. I feel like it's just necessity to do something for money/living. +That's from i graduated in 2012/2013 to 2018. +Years of sending CVs and interviews, none of them stick around. +* During that 5-6 years, another major event happened to me and my parents. +I realised that working in family is a BIG RED WARNING because how they can treat you bad since you're ""Family"". That's what happened to my dad. +He lost his job because he and my mom tried to give a reasonable opinion towards my Uncle's son; their nephew. +Huge debate and my parents ended up losing the job. That moment is a tipping point for me. +I had huge anxiety issue and major depression. I went deep down the rabbit hole and i have no point of living anymore +* Until i got an opportunity to move country by myself for study and got a job in IT industry. +For a slight moment, i feel better in my life but it went and still goes back to my depression + +&#x200B; + +From here, this is the present problem that i have: + +* Due to losing a job from his brother and being an older people (in my country), my dad doesn't have any income at all. I have to ""support"" them just for the sake being ""a son should help their parents' or anything about ""Family should support each other"" +* Due to my depression, i got a suggestion from counsellor that helping people might help me slowly. Oh boy it's a very very wrong advice. +I ended up losing lots and lots of money helping someone just to get on their feet and still didn't help. +* I can't even afford to rent place. House pricing is ridiculous, that includes living cost crisis that happened anywhere around the world. +Having flatmates is a nightmare. I even tried to sacrifice what i do regularly so they can have things they want like quieter place, have their freedom, etc. + +But all of them back to the reason why i created this post: + +I'm tired living like this. This issue never ends and the only solution is pretty much having enough or lots of money. +People just don't care what i've been through and nobody wants to help me as well. +Family, friends, all of them are just arseholes. + +Sometimes i wish they're gone. Like literally gone or die. +My parents and everybody else in this world. +If it doesn't allow, i just wish i'm dead. Never wake up anymore in the morning. +I already wish the same thing every night. I feel done and i'm actually done both physically and mentally. +Stress, feeling sick all the time, i sleep through the weekend and still feeling tired, i have no friends and nobody, Losing money means i have money problem as well, and nothing's good anymore in my life. + + +I have made peace with death. +Living is a thing that scared me the most.",Pointless living and nothing will get better,1 +315,Everyone always leaves in my life wether it’s friends or girlfriends and I understand why. I try to be the most kind person I can be and everyone treats me like shit. I then try to stand up for myself and now have nobody. And now everyday I’m in constant conflict with myself trying to figure out if I’m just pushing them away. But i can even ask anyone because I have no friends. I don’t know if it’s because I’m ugly because a lot of girls i meet we have a sexual or romantic encounters but they always make things just friends. I started to think maybe I deserve being alone for like a past life or something idk. I’m just looking for friends i guess and this is a desperate attempt sorry for taking up your time if this is too much. Have a good one,I don’t know what to do I just want to stop hurting,1 +316,"I'm trying. Everyday.i started to drink a little tonight, and I began to remember pain. Pain that I'm trying to suppress. Pain that im scared to see and look at. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying every day not to break ,but it's getting hard tonight. The truth is I'm scared. I'm scared of death. I'm scared of the future. I'm terrified of myself. I look in a mirror, and I'm disappointed, disgusted, and I hate who I am. I only poor my heart out here cause I'm too much of a pussy to do it to anyone. I can't. It's a hard night tonight. I'm sorry.",I'm trying,1 +317,"I fucking hate all of this shit, I literally couldn’t give a shit if she breaks up with me. Is it so fucking hard too atleast spare some time to your boyfriend for a hug??? Maybe just going out once in a while?? What’s the point of you wanting to be with me if you’re gonna just keep pushing our plans back over and over. Am I that fucking embarrassing to be around? Am I ugly? I workout to maintain a physique In hopes you find me even more attractive but I feel uglier than ever now. JUST END THINGS WITH ME ALREADY I literally don’t care anymore but I can’t just break up with you because I fucking love you and I hate being alone so much. You call me your love, you call me your man but I just feel like that one fucking friend that no one wants to make plans with. You say I make you the happiest you’ve ever been but we haven’t even been on a date yet. You say you’ve never felt the way you do about anyone else but you can’t even spare 5 minutes after school to atleast hug me? I want to love you so much and I want to give you all the attention you deserve. I want to keep looking into your eyes and having those weird feelings whenever we have nothing to say. You know how much I fucking love you and how much you mean to me. but its cutting into my fucking heart that you would rather keep this relationship more through text than have something more connecting like in person. you reading this, am I fucking selfish for wanting to be loved for atleast 5 minutes? Am i selfish to want to keep a connection with someone who everyday tells me how much they love me? I fucking hate this shit so much.",I fucking hate the way I feel about her and everything,1 +318,But I just can’t physically do it at the moment. I have so many things going on and I am so overwhelmed. I just want to cry myself to sleep but instead of tears I get snot in my nose. It’s like all my tears accumulated in my nose. It’s so annoying. I just want a good cry.,I really want to cry,1 +319,Do you ever have that weird feeling where you just have that fear of getting to attached to someone or something? Like you get this thrill like yes finally something good happened but then in the back of your mind your just scared of something bad happening before you know you'll screw it up or something bad will always repeat? I found out I'm moving again and I've lost track how many times I've moved and I recently got this job a few months ago and I am in love with it and I'm scared that I don't find anything similar to it when I move and another thing I'm just scared to lose the people I'm close too all over again. It seems like it's always like that the people I love the most go the farthest away. I've lost a of people in my life and opportunities and I'm scared this is another one of those things. I wish I had a place called home where I can settle and do what I love with the people I love. Sorry for the vent I just needed to let it out I guess.,Having weird thoughts I'd share (don't worry not suicidal),1 +320,But I’d like to be able to pretend one day. I can’t even lie to myself about that.,I’ll never be happy.,1 +321,Everytime I wake up I want to cry for a long time and run away and never come back,Everyday I just want to cry and disappear from this world,1 +322,i don't want to do this anymore. just want to die.,feels like there's a brick in my chest and brain,1 +323,"So numb it just feels like any other daily task, like taking a shower or washing dishes or whatever. I've come close to it but just decided to watch youtube or something else that is more fun, get to it later. I say I'll get to most things later. + +I don't have a future, I don't want to explain it fully because I have a thousand times, I just don't. I don't got family like other people, I will be pulled out of school eventually, I'm gonna be in foster care starting within this year, I have a lot of trauma and life long medical problems. I feel like an animal that should be euthanized already. I am in constant suffer. My autism is a large factor. I do try to be happy, it is something I want. I also want to feel sad because it means I cared enough about something to become sad over it, right now I feel nothin. I wish hope would drive me, but there's no use in hoping in my situation. + +Trying though. Practicing good hygiene, my acne is clearing up, taking breaks from school when needed, good dose for my pills, puzzles, sports, etcetera. Might improve, so far nothing unfortunately. Rather die than waste all this time and money","I'm suicidal and it's not emotional or anything, it's just an option to me that I see myself taking",1 +324,"Pretty much that, am homeless, I'm a shelter just getting by, want to kill myself half the time but also want to carry on and see what I can do from here.",Not gonna kill myself but want to.,1 +325,"I’m severely suicidal and do self-harm almost everyday. Only on one part of the body so even if I have band aid on it all the time, it won’t look as weird if I have several. + +But what I want to share when I think about killing myself, the first thing that comes to my mind is how it would inconvenience everyone around me. I don’t have much people who actually love me, like close to zero. But I still think about how it would be a hassle for them to like ship my body since I live far away from my immediate family. + +The second thing that comes to my mind is its absolutism and irreversibility. I’m an atheist and I think when I’m gone, I have nowhere to go. I’ll just stop existing. No heaven to watch how they will react or if they will miss me or think of me at least. + +I hope I get the courage I need soon to end it all and when I get that courage, I’m pretty sure I’ll be happy to go.",Weird suicide thoughts,1 +326,"I don’t know what to do, all I want to do is sleep and cry but I can’t cry because I’m on meds and I feel numb and deppressed all at once I’m an 18 year old girl I’m in my senior year of highschool taking a college class at my community college and my emt at another college while working. It’s so much I don’t know what to do. I don’t do my homework tell last second I sleep all day. I skip school to sleep, I call out of work because I just can’t get out of bed. I’ve failed two classes this year and im not close to graduating. I’ve been lying to my mom about skipping school, work, doctors appointments etc. I need help and I don’t know what to do. I just feel like a lazy piece of shit but I know there’s something else causing it and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Eveyones talks about how busy I am and how great it is and in reality I do nothing I have no friends im so alone it hurts. I don’t know why. I don’t wanna kms or hurt myself but I don’t want to be here either. I can’t tell anyone this because no one understands I hate that my brain is so broken I wish it was just normal I wanna be normal",I feel lazy but I’m not,1 +327,is your depression starting to affecting you a lot psychically like headaches. Nauseous and dizzy?,depression making you sick,1 +328,"Feel done with life, will sleep and get past it, but it's all a slog",Feel finished,1 +329,I recently ended a relationship and I’ve been back on the tinder and matched with a guy I was interested in we had a date planned but weather ruined our plans so we rescheduled but had to move the date again as he was busy finally message him after like 4 days off the face of the earth and arranged a new date which was for tomorrow I was excited to finally meet this guy so I message him today to make sure plans are still good and he tells me he got a girlfriend it happened last night so now I’m just upset I also am seeing someone else but I’m still bummed I never got the chance I’ll still be able to meet him as friends but not what I wanted lol I just wanted to vent feel free to laugh at me 🤣,Never got to get a chance,1 +330,"Everyday I feel exhausted and drained, absolutely gutted. When I get home I try my hardest to get stuff done but eventually my energy levels catch up with me and I go to bed. I always am on the brink of total blissful sleep but always a small peep or a creek or something immediately shatters it. It causes me to become enraged, literally enraged. I feel my heartbeat skyrocket and I’m immediately ready to fight to the death with whatever entity is in my way. I don’t know why this happens to me, everyday I pray for sleep, everyday I come close, everyday it doesn’t happen. I think it enrages me because I know I’ve lost, it’s over. I’m not sleeping tonight. I’m so close to trying to get ahold of sleeping pills, I told myself I’d never rely on any sort of medication since my father was an extremely drug addicted man, but idk what else to do. I literally cannot catch a good nights sleep",Loss of sleep,1 +331,"I've had depression and anxiety for 10 years now (im 23) and I'm starting to lose all hope. Ive never felt so hopeless I literally have no faith left and its scary. I dont feel like I'm ever going to get better and can't see a future for myself. Im at the point where I've just accepted that this is how its gonna be, and I'm not strong enough to get myself out of this. Its draining. Ive tried so hard over the years to get better but it hasnt worked and I feel like I just keep getting worse. I give up. My brain is confused and my body is in pain. I cant go on like this.",I cant go on like this,1 +332,"I feel so insanely tired all the time and I can't do anything, has anyone figured out a way to help with this?",Improving energy?,1 +333,"After all these uears I am still the same person. What's the point of having expectations. There's no hope for me. I'm a shitty human being, I'm weak, i'm stupid, I'm useless. Maybe I shouldn't have been born. I feel like a mistake. I'm tired of being me. I wish it was different.",no expectations,1 +334,"depressed, lonely, and everything feels pointless. wish i could go to sleep and not wake up",i wish death would come,1 +335,"I’m just living. I’m not constantly stressed or anxious anymore, but I still consider suicide a lot, and I don’t know why. I do get anxious and stressed every now and then, and when I do it is pretty bad. + +I just got over a couple years of seriously shitty feeling depression that I didn’t talk to anyone about really. Therapist didn’t help, I was stressing my parents out too much, friends don’t like talking about serious topics. So I just rode it out on my own and convinced myself that those feelings don’t matter. + +Now I just feel like nothing matters. I still find joy and have good days and bad like everyone else, but I resort to wanting to kill myself whenever anything goes too wrong or I get too worried. + +I feel pretty casual about it too, like I don’t give a shit if I die at this point. I’ve lost a lot of faith in god and grown distant from my family. I tell people I’m working on myself but quite frankly I don’t know what the hell I’m trying to do in life. I guess just get to a point where I don’t have it anymore. + +The other day I was driving home after a stressful conversation with my dad, and I just kept driving past my house. I went to this road I go on every now and then to drive fast (lots of hills and not any people cause it’s a rural backroad). Also I want to clarify I can see all of the road for a mile, I wouldn’t do something if it put others in danger. Anyways back to complaining about myself. + +I was driving my usual path, and I was actually considering swerving into a tree. I was honestly losing my shit, crying hard for the first time in a while over lots of thoughts, while also happy doing what I love. I only stayed on the road because of my parents and knowing how hard their lives with depression have been. I can’t purposefully crash my car and have them live with that. + +But the way things are going I don’t know. I’m just driving towards my death. I’m just living.",I feel like I’m driving on a highway and I wouldn’t care if I steered too much and crashed,1 +336,Graduating high school has made me confront my mortality and the fact that I am trapped to live. A loss of hope when you realize this is it. This is all there ever will be. Anyone else relate? how do you cope?,Graduated high school loss of hope.,1 +337,"I’ve been depressed for two years now and my boyfriend says to just take cold showers…. +He says that we was also depressed, and he got cured just by thinking “It is what it is,” taking cold showers, and realizing it was all just mental. Idk man, he must’ve gotten really lucky.. He also didn’t know that sleep was linked with depression? I’m not sure. He self-diagnosed, and it happened when he was REALLY young. Maybe around 9 or 10. I’m just venting now. His words seem a little sketchy… +Thoughts?",I’m so done bro,1 +338,"I can’t say it but all I do is scream in my head about how much I fucjbuo and if +I am a constant reminder in people’s lives of pain and misery I should leave and rot away",I’m a butdwb I’m a burden I’m a burden and a let down all I do it mess things up I’m forgetful I’m a burden I’m a burden I’m a burden all I do is mess things up,1 +339,"I’ve been suffering with Anxiety and depression for about 4 years now, attempted suicide several times that amounted to nothing. + +I’ve been In a very serious relationship for over a year and a half, and it suddenly came to an end when my girlfriend decided we needed a break. My mental health got in the way, I’m an overly possessive and indirectly controlling person and I know I really fucked up. + +I want to fix everything, I’m seeing her soon to hopefully smooth things over and hopefully try again. But I can’t stand the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, I don’t want anyone else in this whole world. I only lived for her. I’m terrified that someone else is already trying to take her. Because I’m nothing, I’ve got no confidence in myself, I spend every waking moment of my life thinking about her. + +I want to win her over again, I’ve written down all my thoughts and apologised for the way I acted and I’ve told her the changes I’ve made. She hasn’t seen this note I’ve written yet but I’m just terrified that she won’t let me start again. I’ve bought some flowers for her that are being delivered straight to her. + +If I can’t have her back then I’ve got no reason to be alive, I committed my entire life to her and I ruined it. What else can I do to make her love me again. I can’t stand the pain of not having her in my life. I don’t eat anymore, I don’t leave my bed. I just lay here waiting for the day we meet. And I can’t carry on without her. She’s the only reason I’m still here",I can’t take this pain anymore,1 +340,"I don't know how to talk to people. I have tried going to bars alone, but I just sit there alone, look like even more of a moron than usual, and waste money on buying a Sprite (I really hate drinking soda anymore). + + +I really need a hug, like a long one, but I don't have anyone to hug. It really hurts, and when I try to tell that to someone in real life, it always gets swept under the rug because no one wants to deal with the fact that I'm depressed and lonely. All I do is drag people down leeching off them. + + +I know it is all my fault I'm alone, but I can't fix it. No one else can fix it either, and I know asking for help can't make that possible. The only way I will stop hurting is if I stop living. I pray every day to not wake up, and yet I still do.","I feel so alone, and no one understands or cares",1 +341,"Lately for the past 2 months I’ve been obsessing over the thought of suicide? I don’t want to die. Like I want to be happy and live. But my brain keeps telling me I have to kill myself. Like my brain literally tells me “you can’t live another day like this, you need to Jill yourself” and horrible thoughts. This makes me feel like I have to. I am seriously going insane. Yes, I have been diagnosed with pure O since age 14. I’m 25 now. +I’m prescribed 10mg of lexapro but it’s not working for shit anymore. It sucks. I miss being stable. I miss how I was a couple months ago. I’m scared. Can anyone recommended any meds I can bring up to my new psychiatrist on Monday? Thank you.",Obsessed with suicide?,1 +342,I'm 14 and I just wanna die. I have a therapist and shes nice and all but shes doing nothing. I still wanna die. None of my friends ever wanna hang out with me and it makes me feel worse. I've been trying to act more happier if that's the problem but I don't think that's working. I'm just so tired of everything. My dream is to explore the outside and abandoned places but even if I could get out of my bed my parents would never let me get past the front door. Recently two guys at my school said I was fine and I thought that was nice but then my friend told me they were trying use me for my body. It disgusted me. I'm 14. I feel unsafe at school and at home. I know my family loves me but I feel unsafe sometimes. My parents say I dont have depression when I've literally overdoesed on meds just to sleep. They say I have too many problems. Not my fault you probably smoked while you were preg mom. I hate saying all this but its the internet and you dont know who i am. Anyways I wanna kill myself and I dunno what to do .,I don't feel great,1 +343,"Anyone with me? I get home at 1am and I’m wide awake and it’s totally normal for me, I don’t mind it but it really hurts the rest of my life",Working nights is killing me,1 +344,"I had a terrible childhood (even now) my father is narcissistic alcoholic maniac who used to beat my mother and abuse us (beat us sometimes too) he still abuses my mother, there’s always a situation of chaos and sadness in family like we’re all living in a prison. (You might be thinking why don’t I just leave the house, Currently I’m in final semester of my grad degree, I don’t wanna ruin my career for these fights) as I am growing older, these things are getting hold of me and I’m becoming more and more sad, lonely, socially detached. Always thinking of how lucky I would be if I just had a easy death instead of suffering, I’m uncertain of future as well which scares me and I find death to be better choice. + +As such, i don’t have any disease but I keeps falling sick. My immune system has become weak, so i often suffer from one or other physical problem. I’m constipated always even though I take enough fiber and water still it won’t go away, my father doesn’t care about me enough to take me to docs even though he has money (he’s govt employee, so from outside we’re pretty rich, have own house, car) my small physical problems are getting worse and worse as days passing by, and I feel something is surely wrong inside me and if I get tested something big will surely come up, thinking of these phenomena, I always feel depressed and near death.",I often feel like I won’t live long (21/m) like I know I’ll die early and pretty soon,1 +345,"Can someone give me a reason not to die? If you say something sensible, I will not commit suicide.",i'm tired and i want to die,1 +346,"My wife is my best and only friend. However, we have sex about two times per year. I doubt that it will be possible for us to have children. Either I just accept that I will never again have sex, and will never have kids; or I lose my wife, derail both of our lives, and still have no guarantee of ever finding a new partner and having children. I'm leaning toward the sexless marriage. FML. + +Your thoughts?",Sexless marriage or divorce?,1 +347,I hope when I go to bed tonight I never wake up again.,Thinking,1 +348,"Everything seems so dark, I can't feel anything. I can't smile and I can't cry. I am turning into a robot :|",I can't feel anymore,1 +349,I'm trying to put myself into a situation bad enough that my only option will be suicide,I dont want to help myself,1 +350," Seems to be a theme hear about taking hints. A lot of these posts come in waves. +Basically don’t choose someone who didn’t choose you. If they’re fine without you in their life, then never take them back when they come back. People who are OK with you not being in their lives are not worth your mental well-being. + +In the past when I had read these, I never really understood them. I do now. +As hard as it is for me to accept, because to accept it means it’s real. They never cared. They left. They’re gone. Forever. They never coming back. They never wanted to. + +I’m their now. It’s been a long road. A painful journey. One that I’ll never repeat again in my life….ever!!! it isn’t over yet. And by that I mean the outcome of me. I know I will not be that same I was before I met my ex person. + + I don’t know if I’ll have that positive and exciting outlook on life anymore. I don’t even know if I’ll have the motivating desire to want a better in life that I had when met my ex. Large part of me went silent. You could even see a large part of my died. The part of me that started to actually want to live and enjoy life.. +I didn’t have that part of me growing up even into my early adulthood. + + + + I listened, eagerly to her stories. I told her mine. I did whatever I could to make her dailies a little easier. To give her a reason to smile. If it was sending her dinners, a random bouquet of flowers with some chocolate and a teddy, or just telling her a joke..(mostly bad ones🫣) +I tried my best to show my person I loved her. + +To me she was the world, my tomorrow’s, my happy, my love, my life, MY ONE… + +But to her, I was no one special. In her own words, “there was nothing special about me”. + +She took the best parts. She got better. She had options. She chose. She didn’t choose me. I was the one she chose one she had no one else to choose from. That was what I was to her. That was my value to her. + +I have finally excepted this. I can’t lie to myself anymore. She chooses not to be in my life, and she chooses to ghost. I don’t know what tomorrow will hold. But I know I don’t want to see it. The pain within me only increases. They say with time things get better. For me it seems to be the opposite. I’ve always been different. Maybe that is my curse. I’m not like the crowd. Doesn’t seem to be a good thing for me, more like a curse. +I should’ve remain secluded. I should’ve remained to myself. I should’ve known that no one would understand. I should’ve known no one would care….",I guess I’m an acceptance….,1 +351,I feel like a piece of shit for saying this but its like shit keeps happening. It feels like only 1 person cares about me but they dont understand the extent of my pain. My heart aches at this point. It feels like a black hole swallowing me up. I just want to cry & throw up every fucking day. Waking up and being alive is a chore at this point. I know I cant go through with ending it but the want is there & never ending. Please im so fucking tired. I dont want this. I never wanted it.,I just want to fucking die,1 +352,"I (f18) have been diagnosed with depression some months ago, but I have struggled with it since 2019. It got particularly bad last year when my then boyfriend who was depressed aswell broke up with me. I was deeply depressed for months. I gave up everything that brought me joy, because I just had no energy. I didn't leave my bed, slept all day and stopped caring about my appearance (I had always been someone to enjoy fashion and makeup, so that was especially hard). I was heavily suicidal for a while, and it only got better when I started therapy. Life hasn't been exactly sunny since then either, but it got less bad. Since last week I have been feeling really down again. I returned to my bed, and I have difficulties to function normally again. My old fears have returned, and it feels like once again all joy has left my life. Today I felt suicidal again after a longer period of time of feeling somewhat ok. I feel so helpless. I can't do this again. I am just so tired. I don't want to anymore. Please, what can I do. I don't feel like my Therapist has been really helpful in this.",I relapsed into depression,1 +353,"I’m diagnosed as chronic depressive, bipolar 2, and ADHD. I’m the rock and support for everyone else around me. I’m headed to a show right now to see one of my favorite artists, with my roommate/best friend, and all I can think about is the highway by my apartment seems like a good place to stand or walk into at the moment. I’ve called the suicide hotline before, I even work in healthcare and take care of behavioral health patients, but I just feel like between my life, my obligations, my job, I have nowhere to go.",Suicidal Ideation creeping in.,1 +354,"I’m not sure what or what’s happened, but it’s gotten so much worse the last couple months. I cry daily, several times at work. I know I need to talk to someone but I feel like it’s too much. Doing life is just too much. I have an autoimmune ds so my health is shit, and I know it’s only going to get worse. I don’t want to live like this, always sick, always depressing everyone around me. But I can’t do anything bc of what it would do to my parents. I just pray for an accident or something they could understand.",Depression has started effecting my work,1 +355,"I’m so out of it, I don’t see the point of living. I can’t even do my online classes and I find myself weeks behind. I really want friendship but I don’t know where to find others that want it as well. Everyone else in my life is so negative, I feel like I don’t have any family. I feel like my counselor and teachers are upset with me. I’m told it only gets worse, so why try here? I want to feel useful in heaven where I can be where I feel wanted. I want to make other people happy but that’s so difficult. What should I do?",I need advice,1 +356,"Anyone else feel like life is a involuntary conveyor belt of grief and boredom? We have to constantly distract and entertain ourselves or fall into a rut of despair. How many things do we do just to exist without losing our minds vs what we actually like? Know what I mean? + +I’m exhausted of breaking my back to make myself happy in an inherently unhappy and broken world. Had to get this thought out. Thanks for reading.",Conveyor belt,1 +357,"I've already been in therapy for 3 years and its not helping. I hate the way I look, I hate my face, my body, and everything else about myself. My therapist and family constantly lie to me by telling me I'm pretty and look normal but I know that im objectively repulsive. I've been consistently rated very below average by people online. Even IRL I have never been in a relationship or on a date ever. I feel ashamed to exist in public spaces, nobody should be forced to look at me. No amount of makeup or exercise can fix or help me. There's no fixing bone structure unless I were to suddenly become very rich. I don't know what to do anymore, Im too scared to commit suicide but I don't want to continue living in this body while feeling guilty for existing. Anyone that says ""looks dont matter"" is already attractive or average looking. I don't know how to cope with all this.",My appearance is making me severely depressed,1 +358,"What is in the depressive hole? Here is this big brain fog. You kind of not care. You don't care about anyone. You don't care about yourself. Or maybe care in some way, but you don't LOVE. You feel like you lack. You feel like you are bad person. You don't deserve anything, you are worthless. Everything is worthless. It just puts you down, you feel weak. But can you love this depressive hole in some way? can you be it's friend? Can you love it? Can you STILL love. Can you love?",Depressive hole,1 +359,.,I’m extra sad right now. Everything hurts.😔,1 +360,"To know that I have to experience every piece of suffering in this universe, multiplied out by every possible universe that exists, I.e. infinite suffering awaits everything and everyone and I have to just tell myself that that balances with the infinite good or whatever. Just wondering if anyone else has had heavy thoughts about existence that don’t add up to anything good, or if there’s some kind of secret combination of words that will undo the past 10 years of overly-analytical loneliness and self-directed toxic masculinity, I fucking hate the fact that I fucking hate everything, there’s no escape",Is it not terrifying for anyone else?,1 +361,"I so depressed and I feel like I can’t tell anyone because I don’t want it getting back to my ex. He broke up with me a little bit ago because he’s dealing with his own mental health stuff. He didn’t want to hurt me in the process or hurt our relationship and pushed me away. I didn’t see it coming. He was happy with me and us but not himself. I thought he’d let me be there for him. I don’t want him to find out I’m struggling too and worry I just want him to get better. But I miss him so much and miss talking and seeing him everyday. He’s my best friend and I wish we could just be there for each other right now. +Ever since the break up I’ve just had more added to my plate. My grandma is sick, my friends who should be there for me right now aren’t, and my work is having more layoffs in an already terrible job market. +I struggle to find joy in anything right now. I wake up everyday just so sad and I cry daily. I sleep too much and yet I have nightmares and trouble staying asleep. I barley have an appetite I’ve lost over ten pounds in a month. +I know he cares and hopes this isn’t the end for us too but all the uncertainty in my life is so hard to deal with. +I’m just so stressed and sad. It’s so hard to grasp my current reality. I miss him so much. I’m trying to take care of myself but everything is hard right now.",Idk where else to vent,1 +362,"I’ve never called the suicide hotline before. If any of you have, was it helpful? I’m not exactly feeling like I’m in immediate danger but I know the feelings I’m having could lead up to that and I really just want to talk to someone about why I’m feeling this way. + +I’ve heard a few horror stories about the line not being very helpful or compassionate and it makes me nervous to call if that’s really the case. + +TYIA",Suicide Hotline Opinion?,1 +363,"How can I get out of this hole? I’ve always struggled with depression and recently anxiety so this year I decided to get medicated. As I did that things felt like they were looking up like I finally took a chance on me and I was working out every day and trying to be productive. But then I start to think and I get more and more hopeless as I realize all my peers at 24-25 have degrees and careers and families and significant others and even goals but I have none of those. I’m 23 and depressed. I feel so rushed to start my life but I don’t know how or where to start, I’m trapped in this loop everyday but I’m just never getting better. I know I shouldn’t compare myself and we all go at the same pace but at this point I want to do it for me but I just have no energy. Simple tasks have become so hard and I’m just so overexerted. Any advice from anyone who’s been able to get out of this",Depressive Slump,1 +364,"Hey everyone this is my first Reddit post lol. Anyways I’m currently in my first year of college in a big city. I’ve lived in a little town my whole life so the city itself is very overwhelming. I have adhd, many forms of anxiety, depression (obviously lol) and a slew of other mental disorders. I failed every class last semester mostly because I had a rough break up, and I thought at the beginning of the semester I’d do better. Which in a way I sorta did I’ve been taking more notes and stuff, but I’ve really been working on myself as a person more, and for a while a lot of my anxiety symptoms have been going away, but today I had a talk with my parents where they mentioned how I’d need to show them my grades and boom all of a sudden I’m back in my shitty little hole of overthinking. And yet again it looks like I might fail. I feel that college isn’t for me, but if I do t do college then what will I do for work I don’t wana live with my parents again, they are great but I need my space. I feel that I can’t be happy and get good grades, I don’t want to be who I am anymore I see a version of myself that I can be proud of but I need to work more towards it and I can’t do that and keep going to school because it’s too expensive. And socializing is hard enough for me so if I’m not on campus with people of similar age to me how will o ever find a person I want to spend my life with. I really dislike online dating but I’m worried that’s the only what I’ll find someone if I leave here I’m a hopeless romantic and I want to find someone in real life, like a meet cute or whatever they are called. Not to mention that I feel like a huge disappointment because no line of work really speaks to me, I want a job I’ll be happy in and will allow me to like a comfortable life. I honestly have no idea what I’d want for the future, all I want is a comfy house with a spouse who loves me and I’d be happy, but I don’t see that happening at all. I’ve got 2 frequents and neither of them can just listen to my problems without giving me their own experiences wich is nice but I wish they’d just shut up and listen. I don’t really want to die I just want to sorta fade out of existence, like being in a dream. I know death isn’t the right thing, I don’t want my family to have to burry me I just want these feelings to be quiet; I want to know that somewhere down the line I have the safety and love I dream of every night. I really don’t want the people I love to have to suffer but I can’t tell if life’s worth it. I know every one says oh it gets better but I’ve waited for it to get better for most of my life and guess what it’s not getting better. Ugh I really don’t care if no one reads this I just need red to think someone has heard me. And hey if you got through all that I deeply appreciate you, I hope you are having a better time than me lol.",I feel stuck,1 +365,"So I haven’t been to the dentist from 2016… I don’t need any “ew” comments, I already know. The reason why I haven’t returned in 7 years is because my dentist SA me and was put in jail. To say I’m scared is an understatement. Now I have Dx depression, anxiety, CPTSD etc etc so I know I have what we call depression mouth. I am uninsured and honestly im scared to be judged and feel guilty and unsafe for my appt. I requested a female dr and I will slightly explain my situation prior to my appt so I do not feel unsafe. I’m terrified my teeth will need a lot of work. No they’re not rotting or broken or gross at all actually. I have never even had a cavity but now with all this time passed I am afraid. Anyone else experience dentist anxiety…. Any advice or kind words will be appreciated. Thank you.",Dentist appt,1 +366,I just want music to cry too.,Random depression hit might cut again,1 +367,"Hello all, I'm just having a rough day today and wanted to ask for any advice you may have. How do you guys cope with the depressive thoughts, self-hatred, insecurity, and body dysmorphia? Usually, my music is enough to block them out for a little, but it's not working today. I already took my antidepressant and I'm not sure what else to try. I have a meeting today, and I'm incredibly anxious about it. I feel horribly ugly and pretty much worthless. I know it'll pass, and I'll get through this meeting, but what are some ways to cope with these thoughts? I'm going to try to draw later, but I don't know how much help it'll be. I'm just repeating my favourite quote to myself; ""tomorrow is another day."" For now. Any advice appreciated, thank you. I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.",Advice on coping with depressing thoughts?,1 +368,"I can’t even think right now, but I know that life just isn’t for me. I’m too scared to take any risks, but by not taking risks, I don’t get to live. I think I’m done.",I am pretty sure that my end is near.,1 +369,"I (27M) had a horrible breakup 4 years ago and since then I've dealt with depression, suicidal thoughts, and very low self-esteem. I've been seeing progress in my mental state and I'd say I'm doing much better than the years since and have better coping mechanisms for my negative thoughts. + + +However, there are some insecurities that are still with me. I've just met someone wonderful about 4 years younger than myself but I can't seem to properly love/trust/feel secure with this person. When she talks about traveling with her friends, I get turned off. It's like I only want her with me. I feel a sense of abandonment. Also, I don't have any close friends like hers or I don't think I do. My ex called me a loner when we broke up and that's stuck with me. +When this new girl talks of her successes I feel like shit again and get turned off. I want to be the Alpha, I want to be successful and take care of her. I get attracted to broken people , maybe because I'm broken. I don't know if it's fair to her if I continue this relationship. I want a relationship but it seems that I'm not ready. I want a bestfriend. + + +I know I'm wrong in my thinking, how do I fix myself. What do I do?",What's wrong with me? (INSECURITIES),1 +370,"(This is a lot of word vomit it, might not make sense) It feels fucking weird to feel empty sometimes. Like I'm just listening to music for 30 minutes and I feel fucking nothing. I love listening to music a lot and it's been offering me an escape from the world, but this week has been hell. + +Earlier this week my friend told me something and that was the first time my brain went silent for months. It felt weird, but after that, I feel no joy anymore. Before that, it was hard to feel sometimes but it was there, but now it's rarely there in the first place. I do not want to be like this, I've just been slowly getting worst as time passed and I use to believe that it would simply get better, but it's like every other week some bullshit that ruins me is revealed and I've become practically numb to it. But ever since I finally cried for the first time in 6 months I can feel some of those negative emotions finally festering in the worst way possible right now. + +I just wanna be okay. I really fucking hate this,",Kinda Hate This,1 +371,"i recently went on a new antidepressant for my depression and anxiety, and as soon as I went on a slightly higher dose my anxiety went through the roof and i basically had a panic attack for three days straight. i begged my mom to let me stop taking it because it was making me miserable but she refused until today, and surprise surprise i feel better. but now I've missed a bunch of school and have a lot of make up work and tests and i don't think i can make it up without late points or just not doing my work....i don't know what to do. i have to go tomorrow and I'm dreading it",life sucks at the moment,1 +372,i dont know how long i can keep going. I've been lying to everyone that I'm doing fine. i just really want to die. the pressure of others wanting me to live is so heavy. its suffocating.,im going insane,1 +373,"My life starting to feel normal but then depression strikes again and i dont know how to feel about anything, friends dosent believe me anything im saying and i just feel down. Sorry if this is bad english its my first post here! + +I was just feeling happy about life but just something went down. + +Edit: Hope anyone responds here! + +Sorry for bad english, i know im not very good at english..",Feelings now i guess..,1 +374,"Simple as, just don’t know where to state these emotions so I do it here ig",Find it hard to care anymore,1 +375,My depression is a constant battle. I’ll be ok for a few months and very sad the others. It’s off and on. I can’t function when I’m depressed and anxious. I really want to give up because in my mind there is no hope. And I’ve felt this way for a very long time. Since middle school. I’m 25 now. I tried therapy it doesn’t work for me. I tried meds but I don’t see a difference in me but my mom does. I can’t keep a job because I’m anxious all the time about certain things. I want to do better but I am not motivated and I’ve tried my hardest in the past and nothing comes out of it. Help.,Not sure if I’m weak or strong,1 +376,"I’ve had depression for years and after turning 18 I finally got on medication for it. +I never reacted well to therapy nor can I afford it. The medicine is cheaper and much more effective. Much better than someone telling me I’ll be ok, when I’m obviously not. + +I chose the prescription. I chose to get on this medication. And it’s helping. + +So why am I struggling to take it? I don’t understand.",Why am I struggling to take my meds,1 +377,was almost there not earthly unalive but so dead inside where it didn't matter ... where craving another human didn't happen . Where the pain had stopped . But then he came and I felt alive again ... people were looking at me at the store again ... at breakfast this morning people talked to me ... but it's gone now the reason to feel and now comes the fight to shut it back down ...,Almost dead,1 +378,Heard about a couple of people in severe situations where they lost/flushed their meds and either became manic or even once had a heart attack. Is this really true and if so how often does it happen?,Can Antidepressant Withdrawal Cause Cardiac Arrest In Some Cases?,1 +379,"Looking for painless, clean, easy.",Ways,1 +380,"I’ve been doing SO well recently. I’ve been so happy, doing all my schoolwork, emailing places to try and volunteer, studying for my SATs (i’m a junior in high school), writing my literal college applications that don’t even open for 6 more months, and it has been going on for literally four days and I can feel it slipping away and i can feel my depression coming back. I just need more time and I really thought i was getting better and I scared that i’m gonna slip into a depressive episode again and I really just cannot do that right now. I need to focus on school and extracurriculars and sports and I can’t do that when i’m depressed. I’ve been in the best mental state of my life and I don’t want to lose that. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated",How do I avoid another episode and stay happy??,1 +381,I wish I can be somewhat mentally normal and live a fulfilling life and have friends. People will never accept me and I’m gonna die alone. Imma just kms byeeee 😮‍💨,God made me for entertainment,1 +382,"I feel so broken that even when I go on medication, it's not going to help.","I feel so broken that even when I go on medication, it's not going to help.",1 +383,"I just feel no motivation to do anything anymore. I don't want to play games. I don't want to watch shows. I don't want to read. I can't even bring myself to do my math homework. Today was a round of acceptances for the University I'm trying for and I didn't get in. And typing it out makes it feel so silly to be this upset like oh, maybe not this round but there are two more rounds that you could get in for. But honestly this was kinda my last straw, I just give up. My friend who said that there was no way she would get in and that we should both go to this other university together got in today and I just feel like I'm not going to get in and I'm going to have to go to that other university and be all alone because everyone I know got in for the really competitive program I was trying for except me and I just can't bring myself to try in school at this point because I will never be good enough because I try so hard and I think I actually understand but I never understand and because I fuck up one question on a stupid test it ruins the rest of my fucking life. I just need to get into this one specific university nothing else matters its just this one. But its never going to happen. Because I was too stupid to not join every club in the school in 9th grade to become the president of them now. Because I never took extra lessons outside of school to learn math. Because I'm just not good enough. I mean I know this one specific university is not the end of the world but it feels like it is. I'm disappointing my family who expect me to get in. I'm disappointing myself because I told myself I would work harder and try harder and cut out all my free time to focus on school but I just didn't do that and now I've ruined my chances. I just don't want to keep trying. I don't even want to go to university. I'm just so tired.",I just don't want to do anything anymore.,1 +384,"The harder I try, the harder I fall and the more gruesome the defeat. I last felt like I was winning ten years ago. Since then it's been failure after failure, I'm at a point where I try so that I don't regret not trying but not because I expect to not fail. The only thing keeping me going is the belief that life in itself no matter how hard is a gift. I've lost a lot of people either through death or compassion fatigue. At some point, people are just fed up of witnessing the shit show that my life seems to be... And I don't blame them... I don't know if I'm being coherent but I hope you can make some sense out of my babbling...","Failure after failure. Too tired to keep trying, too afraid to give up",1 +385,"I want to emotionally damage as many people as I can, regardless if I know them or not. I don't care how good they are, it only makes me want to hurt them even more. I absolutely hate happy people and it's worth the effort of bringing them down to my level",I don't care if I hurt anybody,1 +386,"Hi everyone, M25 here + +I'm currently living in Lebanon where we have been suffering from a very bad economic crisis. Our currency has been devaluating at a rate where the prices go up every day. +Due to that crisis, most people my age have been immigrating and looking for jobs abroad. + +I am currently getting paid a livable wage, can't complain there. I can go out to restaurants, and pubs and do activities when the majority of people can't. Note that my salary isn't considered high, I have friends who earn double and triple my income. + +I majored in business administration so finding a job abroad, unlike my engineer friends, is next to impossible. + +I am tired. Tired of living each day the same as yesterday. Tired to see more of my friends leaving. Tired of being alone. I'm stuck in a mental loop. Most of my friends are living their life, travelling with each other, and making memories while I'm stuck here. + +I am very close to the girl I like, but she doesn't know, and seeing her miles away from me is heartbreaking. I can't make a movie knowing it will be agonizing for us to start a relationship long-term while being in my current state. Knowing she is out there spending time with our friends, making memories with them when I can't be there is crushing me more. + +I was heavily depressed for several years when I was younger and managed to overcome it and be happy for a while. It seems like the depression is creeping up again. + +I used to be a blanket without seams, a silk cocoon of happy dreams. Now I'm a quilt, no square the same, a patchwork of pleasure and pain. + +I feel useless. Each breath I take is meaningless. Breathing is not living. I want to live. I want to be happy. + +I am not suicidal. I want to overcome it. But death wouldn't be so bad right now.",Tired,1 +387,Any advice would be appreciated or if someone can relate and share their experience.,"I have gained 40 lbs (20% bw) in the last year since I find my pleasure in food. It’s pizza, ice-cream almost everyday at this point. I used to be a fitness freak and now hate the gym. All I do is order food and scroll through my phone on my bed with no motivation to get up.",1 +388,"I'm a bit of an introvert but through the years I learned to appear social and outgoing with people. In most contexts it's positive and useful. But in others things turn out terribly for an actually shy and introvert person. + +I sometimes make jokes about memes, funny videos, etc. It's a good way to engage with other people at work for example. Rest of the people do the same. It's not that I'm joking more than the rest of the people. + +I never make jokes about the others, I'm very respectful. I even avoid any joke or meme that might be hurtful to other people. + +Yet there's always a moment where people go from laughing with me to laughing at me. For example, now people at work make fun about my poor diet. I never detailed anything about what I eat, or if I had time to cook. And some of those people bring canned food. Or about some of my habits. When stuff like this starts happening, I feel really hurt. It's like I thought for a long time I was sharing funny moments with workmates, and actually everybody was clowning me. + +There are some ridiculous things about me. My voice is high pitched and soft for a man my age (37) and that would be a main thing. I'm gay and that makes it even more obvious, but I don't talk about my sexuality since it's private. + +I wonder if these aspects make me the target of getting laughed at when actually I'm being friendly like the others. + +However I no longer care. Once I get fed up with all this, I avoid any unnecessary socialization with people who hurt me. I would consider to say what I wrote here in a polite way, but it's impossible to do that without being looked like a dramatic person. + + So I've decided to not eat again with this people, just go outside or stay on my own. Not the first time it happens to me, but the first where i can just avoid it easily. + +I don't know why I trust people again and again. I know people are not evil per se, but other people can really be hell for depressed persons like me.",So tired of being the person laughed at and not taken seriously.,1 +389,I self harmed myself but instead of dying I ended up in the ER. I guess that’s a good thing but I just want to disappear. I have nothing good to stick around for.,I want to die.,1 +390,"Haven't renewed my prescription for testosterone, because I'm not sure I want to be alive anymore. I'm so tired of checking the news and seeing how fucked the world is. + +So many bills are being passed out of hatred for the Trans and Gay community. Women are being treated like cattle.. and overwhelming hatred of the Indigenous, Black, and BIPOC people. It hurts. + +I don't know if I want to do this anymore. + +I'm so tired.",Tired..,1 +391,"We used to have conversations on a daily basis, we had really deep conversations, but suddenly she became sharp. I invited her to a museum, but she cancelled me the day before since she had some errands going. i dont know if she is avoiding me, or is she actually busy. What concerns me is the idea that ive been carrying: thinking im not capable of maintaining a relationship with people that i do enjoy, how can i get out of that idea, it has been annoying me for some days. + +I wrote this post on depression since i feel a similar hollowness to abandonment, so im wondering if i still have some traces of an old trauma ive been dealing for some time + +Typing this, make me understand, i feel sadness since we no longer have those meaningful conversations, but i would love to hear the opinion of others on how to get out of a mindset. + +&#x200B; + +Thanks for the support!",Why do i feel empty when texting to a girl i like,1 +392," + +I’m on Zoloft and it feels like I have a cotton ball in my right ear. This has been slowly developing over a few days and I just read that it can be caused my antidepressants. Should I be worried?",My hearing is fading,1 +393,"I had gone through a lot in the past 2 years, facing a horrible dispute with my parents (mom,stepdad,and dad) and being thrown into a mental hospital after a school got scared of me. My parents destroyed my relationship with my ex and my social life, making me mentally snap or something. Afterwards, then figuring my dad had manipulated me and ridding of him from my life. I took lots of drugs I wasn’t supposed to take after everything that had happened and nothing afterwards has been the same. + +I had realized I no longer was happy about the things that made me happy, rather emotionless. This occurred after me getting out of the mental hospital , furthering getting worse after a cycle of rad-140 with mk677 and a Benadryl overdose of 1200mg in the span of two days. I have a new relationship, life, no more problems it seems like, but I feel no joy and no happiness towards my daily actions and accomplishments as well as interactions with other people. I go through my day seeing my current girlfriend and friends or getting something done but never feel completed, like I did something but forgot cause I just did it to do something. I also recognized how much I had dissociated, it felt like all I think about is the wrong and past because it’s what I can’t fix that was clearly my fault at some times. I think too much about what people have done to me, making me stay away and never invite people over. I often blur out and feel as if I’m in my own world where nothing exist for seconds up to hours, even sometimes forgetting who was talking to me or what I was doing. + +I feel insane, I have extremely bad mood swings. No I never was diagnosed with any sort of mood disorder, but I was on abilify because of alleged homicidal ideations. I have extreme anger, enough to cause myself and others harm. I do not have any explanation to why I have these feelings and want an explanation. I have cut myself before because of the anger towards myself and others and don’t want to be in the same place. I have had unexplained episodes before that felt descriptive to being manic episodes but never fully closed to be, just because they said it was the mood stabilizers that caused it. The last time I felt homicidal ideations was unintentional and was two weeks ago. + +I started to stop caring about everything. Problems I had, my grades, my girlfriend, my ex, my goldfish and my dog it didn’t matter. Every problem was the same because I felt as if nothing could feel as close as painful as the things I heard and saw from the past 2 years specially and even further in the past with trauma. I would be in near death situations even with drugs with almost dying from multiple overdoses, with the worst being Benadryl. I miraculously have woken up every time just glad I had experienced something out of worldly and disconnected more than actually caring that I almost died. The Benadryl overdose itself, actually made this affect worse. After two weeks and a half of recovery from it, I felt so disassociated and had no feelings towards anything in a bad or negative way similar to what I was talking about earlier but worse, making me stop caring about everything. Somewhat it wasn’t the worst, considering the days that would viewed the worst by others was just another day for me just like the rest. + +Random thoughts of apologizing, being empathetic, but then being hateful and sad and homicidal. Also sort of like mood swings, it’s just an array of unexplained thoughts that never get told to the people I’m thinking about or anyone actually. And example of this goes as such, I will feel happy I had feelings towards someone and remember what they’ve done but then feel extreme opposite feeling such as pain,anger,fear,sadness, and homicidal ideations. I had these feelings and still do as they can happen anywhere, I’ve had them for years in-fact. Do they mean anything? + +Thank you for your time and efforts of reading my post. If you have any explanation to why these things and happening and what they are, feel free to comment whatever you’d like to.",Why do I feel off/numb,1 +394,"I have a good job as a teacher but I don’t feel fulfilled. + +I always wanted to be a scientist or mathematician but wasn’t smart enough and the other teachers at my job are smart enough to leave and work for top companies (and many have) but not me. + + +The guy I was talking to didn’t find me important enough to see me for even a few minutes within two or three weeks. + +He was either too busy or too depressed or in another state. I feel like it was easier for him to let go after we finally had sex. + +I feel too scared to talk to another man. I genuinely feel scared and I feel like I’m literally going to do something bad to myself if I experience another breakup. + +I have a mom who is alive but hasn’t ever called me. Whenever I think about her, I think about how I wasn’t important enough to keep me away from KNOWN child predators. + +I feel like I won’t ever make enough money to get a house or do any of the things I want to do. + +I pulled out so much of my hair from stress that I had to cut it off and I look so horrible when I wear my real hair. + + +I hate myself so much. + +I hate myself so much. + +I know this isn’t that much to be sad about BUT I AM and I don’t want to feel this way BUT I DO. + +I am not happy.",I’m just not happy and I feel ashamed for saying that,1 +395,"This will probably go unseen but I need to write. + +I feel unheard, I am alone and I do not like this world. + +I hate people, this society is terrible. Betrayal runs rampant and hatred thrives. I feel unwelcomed as a white guy like the world is against me. I don’t feel unique at all, probably because no one tells me I am. In fact no one talks to me to begin with and if they do it’s because I talked first. + +I’m not sure I want to be here anymore simply because I’m not sure what I have to look forward too. + +It’s selfish to say and I feel guilty but everything this life has given me has been taken away. Specifically human connection it is all I want. But I can not have it. My friends leave ignore and forget. My gf left and forgot. No one approaches I feel like a ghost. + +I’m 18 and im not sure I want to stay around for next month when I turn 19.",How I feel.,1 +396,"For the record i am not suicidal but i do feel like i have no way out of this. I have a concerning health condition that has been neglected for the past 6 years and gradually getting worse. I am on a slow decline in health and will do a more detailed write-up of my life and issues soon. I see death as an option to free my body of its ailments and the stupidity that caused it, had i not hurt myself i would be taking a different path but im pretty much disabled now and have tried to fight the healthcare system with no diagnosis and been labelled as crazy by every person i meet. I wont sing, dance, look or feel the same way again so for me thats not worth it. I always dreamt of doing those things but now i will never be able to do them efficiently. I dont see death as a bad thing, just terrifying and really hard to process and a way to get out of a shitty life, i would rather die than be in a lot of situations really because we all die anyway i dont really want to suffer for too long. And the world doesnt care because it will just keep spinning. so there arent any negative feelings just logical and impartial situation which i accept. Everyone will die too so rather sooner than later. Otherwise I would have a degree in performing arts or music by now and would be performing and doing things with my life. Sadly that isnt the case and am stuck with an illness that isn't getting better. + +My face is swollen and so is my body, my wounds won't heal, I can't exercise and feel fatigued every day, my veins bulge and I have extremely pale skin, my eyes are also bulging(my brother pointed this out to me and I thought I was the only one who thought this), my teeth are cracking and my gums are pale, numbness in every single part of my body, blood pools, anhedonia, and dissociation, impaired memory and I can't even count or decide what to eat, have to double check my spelling and memory and even then I forget, bathroom struggles, insomnia, weak bones, head feels full and swollen, fingernails have started to club believe it or not, hair and nails don't grow, blue extremities and struggling to breathe, cant hold head up and body feels very heavy to carry, sharp pains around my body aching pains, blurred vision and double vision, i can't even walk anymore and my ligaments crack all the time. pre 2017 this would not have been the case because i injured myself very severly and do not realise the damage i have done. doctors are saying nothings wrong with me but thats not true, the problems have built up over time which i suspect is a problem with my vascular system but getting seen in the UK is very hard. i have also bought a healthcare plan which is not private health insurance but all that i can afford(£11 monthly). The extent of damage it has done to me made me realize that i may not ever be normal again IF i ever get treated that is, and so i feel like my only option is to die. I know some people say that people who are crippled and have disabilities can have long satisfying lives but that is not the life for me, especially considering there was nothing wrong with me before. i always dream to be that way again but i know i won't get that anymore and i wont be happy at all, the damage it has done to me probably affected my brain to the point where i dont think it will ever recover, or my heart, or my bones, or my optic nerves so i don't think it's worth living if I have long-lasting complications. + +And also the cause was self-harm, I know it sounds silly but it could have been prevented. I was mentally ill and the things I did weren't normal, looking back at it now and it's all my parent's fault, they convoluted my idea of normal since I was a little kid. I never got the help i needed not even for my selective mutism and now I'm screwed for good. I'm no good anymore and worthless, I can't even make or remember memories and this isn't the depression speaking since I had an urge to fix my life and get back on track. Now I have a wound that will never heal. My parents were extremely toxic and detrimental since my youth, my only fantasies were ones of running away. I don't have much contact with them and am stuck in the house with them. In 2017 I self-harmed so bad my left side went number and weaker and I have been that way ever since. Now it's caused so many problems because of something pressing on my vascular system causing harm to my entire body, but I am told there is nothing wrong with me, even by the most toxic people of all (my parents) they got so sick of me trying to reach out for help, my father shouted at me and sent me into a burst of tears, I choked on my tea but I persisted and called the doctor and asked for an appointment, he took me to the docs but I feel like I'm in a losing game. I don't really have any positive options anymore and am in so much pain 24/7. I've lost my sight somewhat, hearing, function, mobility, emotions, and cognition and am basically becoming a vegetable. Even if I do get treated it will be too late as the damage has left permanent wounds. I've shown someone pics before and they have admitted its pretty messed up what I have been through. I am struggling for answers but at the least, I can get a diagnosis just so I can shove it in people's faces and prove them wrong. But other than that I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. I got tired from making this post I took a few breaks and am still lethargic. + +My doctor that i recently visited also noticed that i was looking a bit pale so for me thats been a relief, he was quite attentive and offered to give me a blood test which is next month so i have to struggle to next month. He weighed me(im 48kg now) and we talked about my symptoms and I did mention to him it has to do with my vascular system, it's now a test of time to see what will happen. Realistically I don't think my prognosis is too good. But people are becoming more attentive to how messed up my body is so I think thats a good but far too little too late now",I really dont know what to do anymore,1 +397,"I just started today, wondering when I can expect irritating things to start.",How long after starting citalopram do side effects begin?,1 +398,"I (22,F), lost my mom 4 years ago, and my dad 9 years ago. All my siblings have their own lives. I have four friends who happen to be busy with their own lives as well. Never had a boyfriend. I just started working as a MedSurg nurse a month ago and I absolutely hate it. My mom was also a nurse, my dad was a doctor. I did it for them, now they’re gone. Didn’t even have the chance to attend my graduation. It’s downhill ever since my parents died. Been depressed ever since. + +I drive to work every day wishing I’d never arrive. Like fantasizing a car crash. Patients, doctors, and supervisors treat us new nurses like crap. It’s demoralizing and dehumanizing. It’s an extremely thankless job, and that includes terrible pay. Our ratio is 1:10. I go home crying after every shift. I’m on a three-month probation, and I wanna quit. Don’t know how much of this shit I could take. Before my parents passed away, I was supposed to go med school after finishing undergrad, now there’s no way I could afford med school on my own. I just feel like a failure and hopeless every day. I can’t remember the last time I felt genuinely happy. I feel like I’ve been a decent human being my whole life and life rewards me with dead parents, a horrible job, and no support system. +So sorry for venting here, I just don’t have anyone to talk to about all of these :(",No support system,1 +399,"I don't feel like there's anything to be proud of in my life. Comparing myself to others makes me feel awful, but even comparing myself to who I was a few years ago just makes me realize how much I've fallen into the cold embrace of depression. + +A few people have said I should feel proud I've simply lived this long with severe depression. Which I guess that makes sense logically, but it doesn't feel like I should. It feels like that's lowering the bar to such a low level that anything is good. Is that really what I have to do to feel good about myself? Lower my expectations to the absolute bare minimum? That on its own seems so depressing.",I don't feel like I should be proud of myself,1 +400,"I’ve been depressed for about 4 years and it seems to have just gotten more severe as time goes on. I’ve tried loads of different supplement and antidepressants including methylated b vitamins, fish oil, zoloft, prozac, lexapro, buproprion, NAC, 5-HTP and more. Nothing has worked for me I’m still just as depressed and exhausted as I was when I began, actually even more now that it seems like it never goes away. My symptoms of depression are mainly fatigue, low motivation, low energy, and anhedonia/emotional blunting. This has me wondering could there be a root cause or something wrong with me that has caused these problems? My life is pretty good besides the issues that my symptoms give me, could I have a hormone imbalance or some other problem that causes this? I don’t want to be throwing medicine to mask my depression if there is some deeper reason for it. For all of you that seem to be depressed due to an issue within yourself have you done any testing or anything to find the root cause of the problem that helped ? I’m desperate to get help any feed back would be appreciated.",Root of my depression?,1 +401,"Ever since I was 15 years old I struggled with fnding happiness in anything I did, I thought maybe this feeling would pass with time but sadly that wasnt the case, suicidal thoughts have infiltrated my day to day life, they are everything thats on my mind all day. I never found a purpose in life, nothing that makes me truly happy, all I really do is sit all day and play videogames, pump my body with caffeine and sugar and hope for brighter days to come, even though I know they wont or that theres a small likelyhood of it happening. +Every day I consider more vile ways to commit suicide, which is something I havent considered at all just a year prior. My mother calls my reasons for lack of happiness stupid and I havent been offered any comforting words, like ever. +Adding to my struggle with purpose, I also never had a serious relationship, the loneliness and angst grows stronger and I get more sour as days go by, I became misanthropic to the point of wishing the worst on people who are doing better than me, and I hate these selfish thoughts.","Depressive episodes are getting worse and worse as time passes, afraid I might give into the tendencies",1 +402,"I was diagnosed 2 years ago or so. Rapid cycling Bipolar 2. Since then I have been through dozens of medications that never worked. Finally, after some trial and error, good old lithium seemed to do the trick. I felt better than I have IN YEARS. + +2 or 3 months ago… I did what apparently is a common thing with people who have this disorder and… stopped taking my meds… I was good! I was happy! I could take on the world! + +Weeeelllllll…. Over the last few weeks a mixed episode (that I haven’t noticed until last night) has cause a LOT of problems in my life. I’ve been emotionally cheating (thats a long story that I can’t get into just now.) Girls i was interested in are now no longer speaking to me because they found out I stopped taking my meds. I’ve been sexting, and chain smoking and depressed and hateful and spiteful and… I just can’t handle life right now. I’m in a very VERY bad place. All because I was an idiot and stopped taking my meds. + +I should feel lucky. It could have been way worse. But I don’t know how much worse it’s going to get. I know I need to take my meds now… I do… I just need someone to tell me everything is going to be okay… that I’m not a bad person… that I deserve love and happiness… i promise I’ll start taking my meds again…",I stopped taking my meds..,1 +403,"Why? Just why? My life is perfect, literally the best life I could ask for, yet I still want to die. Why? I don't have a reason for it! My life is perfect, why do I want to die then??? What is wrong with me???",Why do I want do die?,1 +404,"I’m a 22 year old man. Currently at university, I’m trying to do well and complete my course but some weeks I just stay in my room wasting my life away, I either feel numb, depressed or have strong emotions which I can’t begin to understand or process. I’ve battled with these feelings since a teenager I’ve had my ups and downs but I’m loosing faith in the world and the way things are. + +Some days I want to die but then the next I try improve and feel better but it’s a constant cycle, I get more exhausted every time I have to pull myself away from these feelings. + +I used to have some self esteem and socialise and build relationships, now I struggle to connect to people now and just feel awkward. I often analyse social situations and just feel regret. + +My thoughts spiral sometimes I get stuck for hours, I have things I enjoy but the world seems cold, everyone feels so distant. + +Not sure if this is relatable.",What’s it all about,1 +405,"It's been 1 and a half year, and I'm still getting ignored by my so called family, wtf am i supposed to do here. Getting treated like this in the whole town is one thing, but i want at least one person here to treat me like every other cis girl, I'm freakin tired of this and I lose all the motivation to do anything. I'm born in a country where being trans is like being a demon or some shit, what do i do",Getting treated like shit for being a trans girl,1 +406,"Cannot bear the work stress, i work with my uncle and work seven days week for around 12-15 hours a day. +Since i moved into a new city, i have no social life, do not go out anywhere and since i do not know anyone i am anxious in going out itself. +I think work is taking a mental toll. +I cannot quit this job, i like it and there is peer pressure as well. + +No idea what i am supposed to do, i go mad on Sundays, sitting all alone in office. + +Any advice would be most welcome.",Stress making me suicidal.,1 +407,"Let's see... I definitely need a less toxic job, but I'm afraid everywhere is gonna be that way. + +Or it is me. I just cannot function in a workplace. I'm too dumb. I don't learn fast enough. I'm not allowed to be human and make one damn human error that in the scheme of things is FUCKING INCONSEQUENTIAL. + +It is probably me. I can't do anything right. + +I am so freaking riddled with debt that any place that credit checks for employment (like everywhere) is gonna yeet my resume into the garbage. + +I just want to run away and live in another country, but between pets and my husband, it just won't happen. + +I low key started packing up my desk. + +I really just want to blow my brains out in the office lobby. + +Not today, though.",my three week streak of NOT wanting to kill myself ended today.... at 8:30am,1 +408,"I’ve been depressed my whole life. I remember when I was in elementary I felt like I didn’t want to be alive anymore, I couldn’t see I point. As I grew up I became better at convincing my self that I should hang on just a little more. Like maybe after this next game comes out or or after I see this movie etc… but I’m now 23 and the coping mechanism I’ve developed are starting to fail me now. And I struggle with finding anything else to keep me from going over the edge and ending it all. It has gotten to the point where I was waiting for a train the other day and I heard the train coming and for a second I felt the urge like my body tending up waiting to move as if to jump in front of the train. I ended up thinking to much and didn’t jump but the feeling was real and I was scared. I don’t know what to do anymore.",I’m struggling,1 +409,"I’ve been poor most of my life and even though I’ve been working 9-10 hours per day and spend as little money as possible for many years, I’ve only managed to pay back my student debts two years ago. Since then I’ve been focused on saving more money and maybe one day be able to have a better life. + +Lately I’ve started becoming more and more jealous of people who grew up rich, crypto millionaires and lottery winners. Like the 18-year-old girl who recently won $48 million the first time playing the lottery. Are you kidding me? I often fantasise about having bought BTC when it was cheap, or having mined a few coins. Or having been part of the Gamestop spectacle. + +I know that it’s wrong to be jealous, but honestly, how could we not be when it forces us to work 8+ hours every day and affects the rest of our lives. I’m trying my best to be happy and have positive feelings about others anyway, but I find it increasingly difficult.",I’m getting more and more jealous of rich people and feel terrible about it. How do other people cope?,1 +410,"I am making no significant strides to become “better” or get my shit together. I think the possibility of suicide has been looming over me for so long that I’m using it as an excuse to not get my shit together, if that makes sense. Like “oh I don’t need to figure out a career path cause I’m probably going to kms.” My life is going no where. And I don’t care enough to do anything about it. I have absolutely nobody. I’m just a disappointment to myself and my family. Idk what I’m waiting for.",What am I waiting for?,1 +411,"i am a piece of shit who keeps talking when i shouldnt i say the wrong things i cant thibk properly i do the wrong things i look the wrong way everything abt me is just wrong + +i hate myself so fucking much and im isolating myself even more i dont wanna cry again its really fucking pathetic + +on the last day im june im going to jump",last day of june,1 +412,"I’m failing school, have no talents and therefore don’t do any extracurriculars, live in a dysfunctional family that always fights and yells and even beats each other, I have no friends and I’m in introvert who can’t make any. I’m diabetic and my crush recently humiliated me publicly when I confessed. This world is fucking shit and I’m tired of it. Whoever said it gets better lied and I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. I’ve been fighting my suicidal feelings for so long but it finally feels like I’m starting to fall to them.","No one loves me, I have no purpose, and I’m thinking of ending it all.",1 +413,"I didn’t go through with it, I didn’t even have a plan, I wrote it because I knew in that moment I wanted to end it all. Everything is collapsing around me and I’m disappointed I exist.",I wrote my suicide note,1 +414,"I can't do this anymore. This constant feeling of self hatred, the dissociation, the want to isolate. I've shared my story many times without a single person noticing or helping.. I've dedicated so much of myself to helping others not feel the way I feel. I've gone to therapy, I've picked up hobbies, and I've done all the things they say will cure depression yet here I am lying in bed, having called out of work again. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way again, but I just want to die. I want to disappear. I want to be forgotten about. + +I've gotten rid of all my friends, my girlfriend just thinks I'm sick and I feel like I can't share my deepest feelings with her because of the stress she already goes through, my parents don't speak with me. I feel like if I'm not doing something for others they don't want me... + +All this yet I'm too afraid to die it's pretty pathetic.",can anyone please save me from myself,1 +415,"so i don’t really know where to talk about this and even if no one reads this it’s okay + +so i’ve been struggling with depression and bpd for years now due to traumatic experiences i’ve had with my family (mainly physical and mental abuse) i still live with my mother who has caused a lot of pain (i was told by a therapist to just accept her because i live here, in which is the same way she dictates the household) +anyways so i’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and although i’ve seen to be getting better, my mother and i had a physical altercation in which lead me to a downward spiral. It caused problems in my relationship as i know i don’t have the healthiest means of coping, many time we would have arguments that i could not emotionally handle because my depression has been getting the best of me and i know i am to blame but bear with me + +my boyfriend and i had a fight because i snapped at him over the phone, it wasn’t his fault and i felt really bad so i apologised but he said i was just being unnecessary, i said i was sorry for being unnecessary and he said he didn’t care, eventually he said he was over it and that we were okay but it left me feeling low because i’m not in the best of mind states, i recently lost my job (and been struggling to find another because not many places are looking at the moment) and my mother has been on my head about it. my mental state has been pretty low and i’m mostly disappointed in myself, i tend to put myself down a lot as i really wanted more for myself . I had a breakdown after our fight because i felt like i was being a burden to everyone including my boyfriend, i said i felt worthless and that i was sorry he had ti deal with like this and overall just going over how i felt like life would be easier w/o me +he said that i’m always living in this self pity and that i’m never going to get better , he said i work on his nerves (paraphrasing because he said it much vulgar) and that that’s all i do lately in the middle of my break down and i just cried harder , this was over a video call so after he said that he just watched me cry, clearly annoyed , i said we could end the call if the crying bothered him and he said just end it because i’m tired of you + +i really feel so broken and like every aspect of my life",aita for thinking my boyfriend responses were rude when i had a breakdown,1 +416,"Apparently my depression is so severe that not even the most potent medication can cure it, I still feel as depressed as I would be if I didn't take it. I also don't even feel like trying to do anything anymore, because I'm just gonna fail again, for the millionth fucking time. It never goes away, it never stops.","Meds doesn't work, and I don't want to even try again at fixing my life, because I'll just end up failing as always.",1 +417,"Someone once told me three things I needed to learn in life. Number one nice guys finish last. Number two nice guys finish last. Number three….. you get the picture. +I wished I could be more selfish, more callous, more an A-hole. Because it really sucks worrying about everybody else and trying to please people.",I just feel jaded from life!!!,1 +418,I have a great job and a potential promotion happening very soon but everything else outside my career is so sad right now. The only reason I’m still hanging on is because I don’t want another failed attempt and to look like an assshole or lose my job. My relationship is basically over my grandfather is dying in hospice with bone cancer and I’m slowly feeling like I’m spiraling even worse than before. I have to hide it from everyone in my life because everyone has something else more important going on. I really need to get to a psych and a therapist but scheduling feels impossible where I am located. I feel like I need immediate help but I have no way to get that. Even if I could I wouldn’t be able to get myself there because I can’t afford a car and my credit sucks. Are there any temporary solutions to numb the pain until I can get myself help that will not continue to hurt everyone around me or cause for alarm? What do you do to get through the days?,Temporary solutions to numb this until I can get proper care? How do you get through the day like this,1 +419,"I (23m) don't want to continue this anymore. I got out of a 6-year relationship back in august I left cause I wasn't happy anymore and hated myself to the point of not loving her anymore. I was 320 lbs when we broke up and now I'm 240 lbs I go to the gym for about 10 hours a week sometimes more. I'm stronger than my friends that got me into the gym and that makes me happy sometimes. I see a therapist every other week and I don't even tell him about some of these deeper-down issues about not wanting to live anymore cause he is a school therapist and I worry that I would get a restriction on campus cause of it. I have been on one date since the breakup and I really wasn't that interested in the girl I met her on an app and just went on a date so my parents would get off my back about not going on a date since the breakup. I feel invisible to women I'm actually attracted to that in the gym or around campus I try to smile and make eye contact but I can count the time's anyone has actually looked back and smiled on one hand. I feel like my depression ruined my one chance at love and not I'm just a fat ugly person who is going to die alone no matter how much weight I lose no matter how much better I look I don't think it is ever going to get better. I did get with my ex for a moment but I think my heart is truly empty there were no new feelings of love I think I need someone to kick start it I need someone new to care about the bring those feelings back. I don't know how long I can continue this life I feel like my peak is going to be 5 years from now when I'm still single and alone and graduate from school and am making 100k and have a nice scat pack challenger in the garage and my ram parked outside in a luxury one bedroom apartment. I'm on the apps and I get like maybe 5 likes total a week over all of the apps I'm using and I usually get ghosted after the first message. since I updated my pictures recently I have been getting likes from much better-looking girls and I don't even message them cause I feel like they look too good for me and probably swiped the wrong way and I don't want to message them and they ghost me cause they did swipe the wrong way. I know that is the dumbest thing but it's how I really feel. + +you don't have to comment or say anything I think I really just need to type all this out and post it somewhere.",I don't want to do this anymore,1 +420,"none of the things i used to look forward to or would cheer me up even make me the tiniest bit excited to think about anymore. i can't even think about staying alive for my animals. too sad to even want to cry...i just want to disappear. i've never been so low-functioning in the decade+ i've been depressed. all i do now is sleep. + +idk why i'm even still trying to reach out to anyone tbh",my anhedonia is worse than ever,1 +421,I’m wanting to Kms and I don’t know what to do I. asked my friend and he said I call dibs on your pc and I don’t know what to do at this point,Help,1 +422,"We, both female, have been together for 9 years and married for 3. During the course of our relationship, she has had periods of non diagnosed depression. Well she did go to the doctors maybe 7 years ago and got a few counselling sessions but never went back. She can be fine for over a year and then something switches in her and she just shuts off. This recent episode has been since last Tuesday and she is pushing me away. We have a day off planned tomorrow and she is telling me to go into work. She sits up on her own drinking and listening to music. She says things have changed between us yet only a few weeks ago we were immensely happy and texting each other how much we love each other. Yet she is saying we don't do anything and sit in silence. I know this isn't true. We go on lots of walks together, we stayed overnight in a hotel and had a theatre trip at the beginning of the month. I have been away with work for a few days and had a holiday with friends this month too. +She usually loves to make plans but is showing no interest in anything. She also is quite on top with the house and is not really doing anything other than getting by. + +She has issues with her mum (who has treated her appallingly throughout her life) and they are currently not speaking and she lost a close family member 6 months ago so I know things are getting on top of her. + +I'm petrified that she is going to end the relationship but I am trying to hide this and stay my usual upbeat self. I've told her I'll stick by her in whatever she needs. She won't see a doctor or consider a therapist and I just don't know what to do. She isn't very good at vocalising her emotions and just says she wishes she could have a break from her life for a month. + +I suppose I'm looking for answers from people who have felt like this or had partners similar to this so I can figure out if she is just falling out of love with me or is this depression and we will recover. + +Sorry this is a bit all over the place.",My wife is pushing me away,1 +423,"I have had countless changes in my life and came in terms with at some point....but I myself changed, a lot. Not in a good way. That's what I'll never recover from. + +I wasn't the best with emotions of people that time but atleast I was happy and functional. I have tied my worth to a lot of things which I no longer have. That, made me question worth relentlessly. I think everyone deserves to be happy despite everything in life, but I can't say it to myself. All conditions are different for myself. I deserve to starve if I don't do well, I deserve to not meet anyone if I messed up somewhere, I deserve to be treated like shit. + +It took me a while to realise how I came to accept being treated badly by people. I am ""working on myself"" but will I ever be able to get my old self back? No. I'm stuck with a version of myself who cares about everything except herself and it fucking sucks.",I want my old self back,1 +424,"I'm 24, I will be 25 in November, and I haven't done anything with my life. + +I'm still at University because I reproved 3 years and I still got 3 more years (hopefully) to finish it. I have no friends much less a girlfriend, I used to hang out with my school friends (till about 2019) but nowadays all of them have moved on with their lives, at University I made no friends the first 2 years and now is impossible because everyone already knows each other so there is no ""get to know each other"" moments. + +Not only that, but because I fucked up so many times at University I lost access to the government grants and I must pay for University with my money which I don't even have because I don't have a job but even if I had one it wouldn't be enough. + +I don't do anything the whole day nor do I talk with anyone, I haven't had a conversation with someone other than my family for about 3 years. I'm only eating once a day because I'm short on money, I hate going outside because I don't have anything to do but I can't even watch a movie or play a video game because is just not fun anymore, I often just keep opening and closing the movies or games. + +**Now that I'm 24 I just feel way too old to do most things and feel like I don't fit anywhere. I'm not good looking and people just ignore me, I feel like I just missed the boat on developing social relationships and It's too late for me now.**",I'm too old and pretty much done,1 +425,"Hi, been prescribed zoloft for 1 month now to treat depression that started after my t.b.i. (brain chemical all messed up now). My period is 2 weeks late and the home tests say negative. Anyone else have this issue? I'll get a test at the doctor in 2 days.",Zoloft,1 +426,Wtf am I supposed to do now?,Got diagnosed with depression today,1 +427,Has anyone experienced something similar or is this just how my brain works? I had been taking the antidepressants for less than three weeks and then decided to go cold turkey. It's like if I had a constant brain fog I can't concentrate nor do anything I wish I hadn't started taking them in the first place.,Can't concentrate after quitting antidepressants,1 +428,"I can't do anything, I have energy for nothing. I haven't worked out for one year. I can't maintain a routine. Sometimes I only have drinks for food, nothing solid. Sometimes I spend the day without eating. I developted pseudo-cushing as it seems, and the only truly efficient method would be for me to work out, but I get extremely tired after just 10 minutes, even if I eat healthy. Mind you I'm not morbidly obese nor do I have anything that prevents me from moving my body correctly. Sometimes after trying to exercise, or after a day in which I move a lot, I tend to sleep for more than 12 hours straight. +The doctor told me about the possibility of having to give me Venvanse if I don't get any better, which is a more dangerous medicine for me. I'm diagnosed with hypercortisolism (pseudo-cushing), depression, anxiety, ptsd, and in the process of getting evalued for autism (""aspergers"") but I've never had symptoms of ADHD or anything, only some things that overlap with autism, like sensory issues, so I'm scared of getting addicted to it or not being able to get off of it. At the same time I really want to have energy for stuff, not motivation, nobody needs motivation to do stuff, I just want to not be lethargic all the time.","I've been taking high doses of Venlift and Bupropion for more than 1 year, and I haven't gotten much better. The doctor is thinking of giving me ADHD meds, does anyone have this experience?",1 +429," +Going to be my last week of living. Can’t be bothered if everything I do and people don’t stay.. Gonna head to this cliff I know in the morning and jump. Can’t be bothered anymore. +Been dwelling on my predicament since I was 16. Bullied, ugly, no friends and autistic complete loner. Year ahead went by still the same but found someone honline suppose not talking to anyone irl dew to social anxiety and self hatred left me in a pit of disappear suicide ideation what I did a few time 1 almost fatal. Saw how my family reacted so I continue till I’m here. They are enjoying life and I still feel out of place. I’ve given it time and tried no one stays nor can I find a reason too. Gonna head to this cliff I know in the morning and jump. Can’t be bothered anymore.",Alone as always. Going to be my last week of living.,1 +430,i cant function anymore. i dont get out of bed i can hardly get anything done it is too much.. day after day after day i sleep in dont show up to where im supposed to be. i have no interest in things i used to enjoy and all they do is make me anxious.. everything feels like a burden. i have no answer to why i dont show why i dont do nything on time.. i dont have any answers and i know none of this is gonna end well.. im gonna be in such deep trouble with my college.. my attendance they could hold my exams even for this. i dont know what to do anymore. i used to like to do stuff. i used to enjoy but i dont anymore. IM so anxious that im not where im supposed to be and at the same time i just dont care.. my mind feels numb. everything is a blur. days are just passing by me.. and im just stuck.. im losing track of time.. im losing touch with friends and family. im slipping away.,Im so done.,1 +431,"Im 24m , broke, ugly, alone and single. When i was in school i had something going for me. I was smart, top of my class. Good looking. Went to school for computer science and i ended up hating it. After i dropped out at 18, i worked job to job. dropped of school again. and now im a couple years out, working for 21 dollars an hour and starting to realize how much i ruined my life. You need money and education to have any sort of chance in life. You are better off not even going to college because once your a failure in life it consumes you. in every aspect of life. family wont treat you the same, girls wont even give me a chance once they know. and once you realize this you see life move without you. What are you supposed to do if you cant make more money, or have a girl to live for. there actually is not reason to live. your friends move on with there lives. I truly feel like its over for me. I know im exagerating but at the same time im not. Its over in the sense of ever being successful and happy. i failed at the most important time in my life. The days never get better, they only get horribly worse. So this is probably the end of the time for me.","I cant stop thinking of ending it, its too late for me. I already ruined my life",1 +432,"So I am a 36 year old male. I have had depression on and off my entire life. More on than off, but my off periods were fantastic. I was capable of pure joy. Energy. Zest. I could be the person that lights up a room. Sorry to toot my own horn. I have always, however, had health anxiety. Worried about this and that, many medical tests, etc. + +Over the last year, other than the 2 months I was on Zyprexa (which I guess should be very telling) I am exhausted beyond belief. I am crying all the time. I almost never feel well-rested. I want to sleep all day. But even when I try to nap I rarely fall asleep. I just lie there and remain exhausted. Physically so exhausted. Last year I had a stupid pulmonologist (sometimes they dabble in ""sleep medicine) suggest to me that I had narcolepsy. As a person with health anxiety, this was terrifying. I got 3-4 separate medical opinions, ALL of them from major Universities. They all said I didn't even close to have narcolepsy, and that It was my depression causing it. My tests (overnight sleep study and daytime nap study) weren't close. I didn't believe them. I was in denial. **I think because I used to have times when I felt great and the depression lifted, this had to be something different.** + +However, if I try to look at things objectively I have to see that in the last year, I have become a caretaker for my mother with ALS who is rapidly progressing, I have become more isolated and hang out with friends less, and haven't been working on my passion (music) as much. + +Has anyone else gone through *depression denial* and tried to find a medical explanation for their somatic symptoms (lethargy, exhaustion, brain fog, crying all the time) only to get every medical test in the book and have all doctors (and friends and family that know you best and love you) tell you its depression? + +side note: I went for a run (while crying lol) yesterday for the first time in two years and it totally took away my brain fog. I still feel tired, but I feel clearer. That was new.",Exhausted/Tired all the time (in denial),1 +433,"I’ve always been known for my kindness and empathy and, in my opinion, that was the only thing good about me but lately I’ve been rude sometimes and making “jokes” who hurt other people without thinking about it. My intention never was hurting them but I say what comes to my mind without thinking how it would affect others. As a sensitive person, I feel like a piece of shit because I would not like if the things I say were redirected to me (that’s I know they are rude). I’m afraid I’m turning into a horrible person because I’m losing my common sense and it’s making me conscious because the moment I realize I did that I feel the worst person on earth. I want to be a kind person again",I don’t know who I am anymore,1 +434,"I feel like shit I never rly knew how bad depression can get until now. When ppl say they can't do any including bushing their teeth I never understood that feeling, but now I get it I don't want to do anything I feel like breathing is painful I don't want to leave my bed. I don't want to study I don't want to go to school. I don't want to talk ppl(not that I have anyone to talk to). I can't even tell anyone cuz Idk what to say. I want to tell my bf but he's falling out of love and he's already going though it. I'm asian so mental health isn't a thing in my house. My finals are in a 3 months that determine my college and I physically and mentally am so exhausted. I think killing myself is much more easier then existing. I can't eat I feel weak constantly. I feel fat but also so light. I just want to die.",Don't want to eat,1 +435,Does anyone know why I feel like I'm suffocating? If anyone knows can they please help me?,choking feeling,1 +436,"I have asked this either on this reddit or another one a while back and never got a response, I am a relatively healthy person, although I don't have a set doctor or do yearly checkups or anything, so I don't exactly know how I go about finding someone to give me a evaluation cause I definitely feel as if I have some really bad social anxiety and it has really been affecting my overall happiness but sitting around diagnosing myself doesn't exactly help the problem.",How do you find a psychiatrist,1 +437,"I made a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7ykd0j/just_thinking_about_life/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) five years ago about some thoughts I had at the time. Reflecting back on them, I'm surprised with how articulate my thoughts were back then. More importantly, the feelings I harbored have changed for the worse. + +I'm still naïve to the adult world. I'm only 27, but I've lost all my innocence by this point. I think the hardest thing to do as an adult is maintain friendships and socialize. Even working was easier for me. I still consider myself a failure in this all, and I've lost hope by this point in any personal success. It's no longer fine. + +I've stopped paying attention to the world outside. It's still broken, and I've no hope that it will be in a better state in the future. People will struggle at one point or another, for varied lengths of time. I'm still struggling. + +I'm still a kid who never grew up. I'm immature. I'm not smart. I'm not capable of great things. I've wasted too much time thinking about useless things like what the future may hold and what purpose I have in this world. This reality truly is tiring. + +I still don't believe this reality is for me. I'm not fine. I've not been fine this whole time, even though I've been doing my best to get through it all. I still see suicide as my only way out and still struggle with ideation, fearing that I won't be able to integrate into society like a normal person. I'm still afraid to go through with suicide, even though I'm physically hurting almost every day from living, and I don't think I'll ever be able to go through with suicide because of that fear. I will forever be trapped here until I die from natural causes or an accident. + +It's become more difficult to live, and I expect it to be even more difficult as time moves on. I find it hard to get out of bed until hours later where I feel regretful for staying in bed for too long. I don't have the motivation or strength to do things that would benefit me, like showering consistently, cleaning, or eating meals. I can't even push myself to find work. I feel bad for telling people this stuff, and I don't trust any professionals with this either. I want to improve, but I lose motivation easily. I don't have anyone or a support group to keep me on my feet. I can't do this by myself. I don't know what to do next to make things better for myself.",Reflecting on where I was five years ago to now,1 +438,"My problem is that I am lonely but also that I want nothing to do with other people. I am permanently stuck in this conundrum. I feel like I wasted the first 23 years of my life and I am terminally behind socially and will never catch up (part of me does not want to). I am stuck in a never ending cycle of anxiety and sadness. Alcohol, in the rare times I’ve used it, calms me down. It makes the anxiety surrounding my circumstances dissipate. I don’t see how making drinking a habit will worsen my life. Usually alcohol ruins your relationships, but I already don’t leave the house or have much human contact. It stops you from solving your problems, but I already am doing nothing about them. It poisons your body physically but I don’t care about my physical health. It will hold you back in your career but I am already half-assing it at work. I don’t see how alcohol is going to make my problems worse.",How will alcohol make my problems worse?,1 +439,"I’ve been waiting my whole life for things to get better. I’ll be 30 in July and just don’t see the point. No friends to talk to and only time my family calls me is when they need a babysitter. Only person I have to talk to is my therapist and while I’m grateful for her I feel incredibly lonely. I feel like the only people who care about me is my mom and grandma. My grandma’s health is declining and while I appreciate my mom, she only has time to talk when I’m having a breakdown. Everybody says things will get better but no one says what to do when they don’t. No one says what to do when you get so tired of waiting. Everybody just says better days are coming and you’re supposed to believe it. I wish with everything in me that I could be happy but that dream is light years away. I wish I had guidance. I wish being lonely didn’t weigh so heavy on my heart.",Tired of being tired,1 +440,I want to kill myself but i am to afraid to do it. I just don't want ot exist,I want to kill myself,1 +441,"Everyday I repeat myself doing the same shit again n again. I don't know whats going on inside my brain, I can see its functioning like a system doing its thing but I clearly don't know what its doing and why im stuck inside it. Made me curious but I started thinking what if there is only one voice behind every person or any living thing on this planet, like there is one spirit just experiencing itself of its variant energies in its own creation of all forms of life on this planet and that we are all one but part of the play. how do I stop my consciousness its painful to be awake, in our sleep we don't know where we go, also forget we even have a body and that there is consciousness. literally what am I thinking about. anyway all this seems like a dream but the game is running slow, one day the battery will drain out and I will finally experience the real me (which i think is pure awareness/consciousness of infinite energy)",Ever felt like you don't want anything in life,1 +442,"I contacted him in the hopes that he would let me stay with him so I can get a job in Massachusetts since I don't like living in Texas with my mom who is also abusive. +I've been texting him and he keeps demanding respect from me and said that me saying ""hey"" to him through is disrespectful and that I should call him sir, even though he says hey to me whenever he calls me, he thinks he has power over me despite me being 18. He's currently renting and moving to an apartment in Gloucester Massachusetts with his other family members for us to live in, I bought a mattress and a bed frame on amazon and shipped it to his address there, today I asked him if he could take another picture of my mattress since it arrived a few days earlier and he blew up at me, asking me why I don't trust him because my bed is already there and telling me I shouldn't disrespect him. Considering this interaction its pretty easy to tell that he would yell at me for the smallest thing if I went there, it wouldn't surprise me if he hit me too, he's like the last person I could rely on and it turns out he's just an angry piece of shit. + +Althought I should blame my mom for being a whore and cheating on her husband with my dad and bringing me into this hell. +Everyone around me, even other adults and therapists tell me that I need to forgive her because she's my mom despite her beating me since I was younger for no reason, watching me get sexually assaulted as a child and making me believe this is all my fault, Ive been trying to be open minded but I cant help but believe that christians are all fucking disgusting pigs that shouldn't exist since my family is full of christians who do what they do for ""god"". + +I bought a rope a few days ago in hopes that I'd have the courage to hang myself, but I'm scared, my birthday is in 5 days, would it be better to try it then? I might cause permanent damage to my throat if I fail, have ti be hospitalized but its better to try, then I'll have the courage to end it all completely, if anyone knows a good place or forest in Fort Worth Texas where I can hang myself without anyone coming to my aid I'd appreciate that, although I doubt many are gonna read this. + +I'm kinda desperate as well cuz I said that I was going to kill myself to a suicide hotline person out of anger lol, although it's a good thing I used a fake name, but if they arrive to my house and figure out it's me they'll throw me in a psych ward again, instead of the person who ruined my life, I don't want know if I want to go to Massachusetts anymore, I just can't take any of this seriously anymore. +I had another account where I'd make posts begging for someone to kill me or r*pe me, in hopes that some deranged human being would agree, but I've had no luck. If you want to motivate me to end my life please dm me.",Just found out my dad is emotionally abusive and controlling after not seeing him for 6 years.,1 +443,"I'm tired. I going, have been going, must keep going. But I feel my body dying from the inside, I've not time to do the things I love and know and enjoy because I'm working then sped my free time recouping from working and when I'm not working I'm studying or schooling trying to escape the weight that crushes me so. I'm not letting go as in giving up but if you don't want to stay thats something else I'll simply have to be ok with. Because you're not the chase of this weight. When you're here, around, not trying to impress me or make me happy, just being yourself. The weight is there but I'm stronger. Strong nough to push back, to hold it with ease. But till you return I hold, I break. Cracking from the inside out. + +All poetry stuff aside, I'm sorry. I don't know how to say it, engineering is stressful and it's my last quarter before I graduate and I have a lot of work together don'te in this project. There's no easy way to say the stress is literally killing me. I pass on food, I don't sleep, and when I do the stress follows me there too. I work on it hoping to finish it so it'll be done but I'm not even sure if you'll want to be with me at that point. I scared you won't. I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm so close to being done....I'm just not sure if it's with school or life now 😞 + +I give, I give, I give, I break, what's left to give when there's nothing more to take. My glass is empty, full of nothingness. Full of emptiness, yet I push on, because it's all I know",The weight of life is getting too much to handle,1 +444,"I’ve been unemployed for 6 months, I’m 20K in credit card debt, I’ve been dealing with severe depression & anxiety and inter generational trauma for my entire life. I’ve been doing my best to apply myself these last few months and despite my best efforts I just end up at rock bottom time and time again. I have no motivation, no desires, and time feels like it’s just passing by in the most painful way. Life feels like one giant blur and nothing feels like it matters. Medication won’t work and my therapist helps but at the end of the day he can only so much. So, what to do? Every day I wake up and feel time pass by hour after hour as I sit on the couch. The first couple of months I went on walks, cooked, read, journaled, hung out with friends. But after 6 months, I kind of just wish I were dead. Living life in this meaningless unfulfilling way is so pathetic and I don’t want it anymore …","I don’t get it, life has no meaning",1 +445,"I think they might help me but I'm just awful at sticking to taking meds. I start off taking them everyday for maybe a week then I quickly fall off and start ""forgetting"" to take them. I'm not avoiding them. I literally forget that I'm even on medication. Plus medication in general tastes horrible or the pills are huge and get stuck in my throat and just hurt going down in general, so I almost prefer to forget. And even when I manage to finish a whole bottle, it doesn't do my laziness/motivation any good because I will then procrastinate asking my doctor for a refill, and procrastinate going to the pharmacy, or sometimes I don't feel like taking my money and spending it on meds that week or something always comes up. And the longer I put off refilling the meds is more time my body is without the meds, and whatever effects they might've been having are never able to reach their full potential. And for the short time that I take these meds, I don't see much change, in terms of helping or even side effects. They may as well be placebo. And since I get no benefit in the short term, it makes it hard to stick with in the long term. I'm not motivated enough to keep taking them. I can never stay consistent with medication which makes it difficult to even get better, I just feel hopeless. I have all these problems but can't stay consistent with the possible solutions to help me and always end up back at square one.",I'm bad at taking meds,1 +446,"Hi everyone, first time posting. I apologize in advance for any error in my writing, English is not my first language. +I'm 30 and I've struggled with my emotions since I can remember. I am often sad about my life, I think I suck at most things even when I do succeed, I've been planning to kms since I was very little. +I find it difficult to talk about what troubles me because I feel like nobody believes me, that it doesn't matter, nobody can do anything about it so why bother. +When I decided to talk to a psychiatrist in August I was diagnosed with depression, but I still struggle to think that others will accept this. My parents want to find a solution like I'm a leaking roof or something like that, it's disheartening. +I don't know what I wanted to say but I wanted to talk to someone who's not my everyday. I hope my post didn't break any rules, I read them and I think it didn't.",So...first post. Hi,1 +447,Tips for learning how to smile? This is a real question I have been taking care of my hygiene a lot better my teeth is starting to turn white again I been using Facebook dating and I would like to take a picture of me smiling but everytime I attempt to smile I feel like a whole psycho like it’s fake or something and I feel like people can see through it maybe I lack confidence or something 🤷🏽,Smile Tips?,1 +448,It's getting harder and harder everyday to stay alive and suffer for a family that caused my depression.,I'm tired of living for happiness of a family that doesn't give a shit about mine,1 +449,"I have so many thoughts and emotions i want to get out somehow but I can't even cry, I feel so numb.",I can't cry anymore,1 +450,"Im currently in therapy and it’s helping me a lot. I managed too do things that I feared and I’m pretty proud that I made it this far, but one thing I struggle with the most is getting up out of bed and when I manage too stand up I feel like shit for 3-5hours (still better then 24/7 like it was before but I need too fix it so I can go back to work and stop beeing an adult kid living by his parents) I have nightmares every night and still my brain tells me too stay in bed. Every night I tell myself tomorrow you gonna make it but it never really works out. So my question is did anyone had the same problem and find a good solution. +(Sorry for bad English ty for reading :) )",Morning lows what too do?,1 +451,"I’ve tried everything. Medication, multiple kinds. Therapy, multiple forms and therapists. Journaling. Exercise. Even substances. Nothing works. +I don’t find joy in anything. Like at all, even my old hobbies and interests. It’s like I am not passionate about anything. +I’m 29, I don’t have my own place, and now I have no job since I quit because it was destroying my mental health and killing my soul. + +I know it is a combination of clinical and situational factors. I can’t take care of myself. I “sleep” all day but also have horrible insomnia at night. I haven’t been eating and essentially starve myself every day. I can’t even make myself shower let alone clean my room or surroundings. I hate being sober. I’m so mentally fragile and I cry all the time. I don’t want to be the miserable person I have become. + +Everyone says “let me know if you need anything!” Or “how can I help you?” But I don’t know what to ask for since I don’t even know how to help myself. I wish I knew what to ask for or could ask for help. I don’t know how to improve my situation or make things better. I feel hopeless and have for a long time.",My depression is the worst it’s ever been,1 +452,"How do you cope when you don’t have many people to talk to? I have “friends” but we rarely talk and I don’t feel a connection to them… +And how do you cope when you’ve lost your best friend, forever..? We were closer than I’ve ever been to anyone and it’s hard to go from day to day without being able to talk to them. +They left abruptly after admitting they were lying to me about a lot of things, but weirdly, just a few minutes before they left they told me how much they cared and how they’d never stop fighting for me. But they’re gone now so. Idk. People tell me to try to make amends but I’ve tried and it hasn’t worked. The only people who seem interested in coming back into my life are people who have abused me. + +I feel so alone. I don’t feel connected to anyone or anything.",How do you cope with being alone?,1 +453,"It’s not sadness or anger I’m filled with anymore… it’s just nothingness. I can’t remember the last time I really smiled or had a good laugh, I’ll watch co workers laughing at a joke and when they’re eyes meet mine I have to apply the classic fake smile to avoid those awkward questions. +I used to break down a lot… like a lot… had my work notice the aftermath of a lunchtime sob in my car and was pulled into the office and asked the usual “are you ok” nonsense. + +Having sleeping issue’s because I just don’t want tomorrow to actually come. Don’t want to deal with another day of perpetual bullshit. + +Leaving seems like the idea solution just now. I’m done with the rat race and the constant battle to survive… tired of piloting this meat cage around.",Had enough now and am considering offing myself.,1 +454,27 and all I wish is to go to a rave and take drugs and have fun but I can’t even do that anymore because of meds… good news is i can finally join club 27,Tomorrow is my birthday,1 +455,Is that somehow good for my psyche or why am I doing it unconsciously? I'm no longer depressed but have heard that sleep deprivation helps a lot.,"I stay up late every day, my whole life.",1 +456,"if anyone sees this and wanna just talk, feel free to message me :')",I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself.,1 +457,"Hey all. I'm getting worse. I've been battling depression ever since I finished high school, and it's been progressively getting worse. I thought getting a girlfriend would fix it, it doesn't. Nothing seems to help. I've come to realize life is pointless and it doesn't matter what I do to myself. I've been hurting myself, cutting, etc. and lately I've started drinking. + + It started with just a couple of nights of drinking on holiday. Then I realized hey I kind of like alcohol. Started to have a couple of beers a few times a week. Now I'm having them every night and bought my first large case of them ""just in case"" I wanna have some beers the next night. + +I know this is a step to the worse and that I could stop right now with minimal discomfort. I just really don't care anymore and I want someone to notice I'm not okay because I can't really talk about it myself to the people I know. At the same time I don't want this to turn into full blown alcoholism because that would be bad, but at the same time I don't know if I even care that much anymore. + +If I didn't have my family I would more than likely end my life. + +Thank u for reading this far. I just needed some outlet and if anyone has words of comfort I'll happily hear them.",Turning into alcohol,1 +458,"I was made fun of over my appearance ever since I was young. I was just a child and had poor self esteem and confidence even though I didn’t know about those concepts yet. I was afraid to interact with others and felt like everywhere I went, people were laughing at me. This lasted all the way until I graduated high school. + +Years of maturing and some plastic surgery later, I don’t feel as self conscious but the damage has been done. I hate myself. I feel grotesque and worthless. I want to die so that I stop feeling this way. I constantly wonder why the universe would allow me to come into this world and live like this. Am I being punished for something I did in my past life? + +I have tried therapy but the “relief” was only brief. I would take a picture or catch my reflection at a different angle and be reminded just how ugly I am. I want to accept it but it’s so hard. I find myself mourning my younger self and it makes me even more depressed to know that there was no hope for me from the start.",I feel like I never stood a chance,1 +459,"I am a little sad that I have to post on this sub again. i suffered from depression since high school. When I was in college, I saw a therapist, which really helped. I thought my depression was finally gone for good. But 3 years later (graduating from a community college), my therapist (another one) just helped me realize I still have depression. For a long time, I have mistaken it for anxiety, but depression made more sense. I feel so sad right now, I am dealing with a lot. I know the core of my depression and am fighting it. + +Anyways, my graduation is next month in April, and I don't feeling like celebrating. I don't want to go. I think I am worthless and not worth celebrated for. I think I don't deserve love, I don't like it when my family celebrates me, I just don't feel like it, I don't deserve all that love and happiness. I am scared. it overwhelms me. + +I am aware that I am talking to myself very negatively. With everything (job, relationships, school,...) that is happening right now, I can't put more eggs in my basket, I really don't wanna deal with my graduation now, I have too much going on already. + +I just needed to rant about this.",Thinking about skipping graduation?,1 +460,"I screwed up. For the past 6\\7 years depression and anxiety hit me hard on and off. Due to loneliness and the want for a relationship. + +The past 5 years iv been on and off several dating apps with zero success, adding to my depression. + +Fast forward to just over a week ago and i finally match with a girl in my own town, we talk for a week and exchange snap. that day I finally meet her at a slight house gathering / party and im up all night talking and having a laugh for the first time in what i felt like was forever. + +then last night i did something incredibly stupid. We had been talking pretty much non stop on snap ever since and she goes to a local pub with her friends and stops replying to me (fair enough, she can have fun) then sends me a snap saying shes going to some friends house and half an hour later another snap of her extremely drunk on the toilet saying ""im fucked"" and i immediately start to worry. I ask if she is ok, if she is safe and has people with her and she doesnt reply. I try to call 4 times with no answer then 5 minutes later she sends a very inaudable snap that i dont even know what she was saying, almost spitting saliva everywhere and my worry gets worse.... + +For some reason In my manic worry i decided to get in my car and go to the house we met in origionaly because i didnt know where she was and they might have.. turns out she was there and in her extremely drunken state was wondering why i there when she was just trying to have some fun. + +I tried to explain but she just wouldnt listen, i apologized this morning but even though she said she still wanted to talk to me, she has been very distant and not messaged me back all day... + +I feel like i just want to curl up and sleep, everything feels weak and even i can hear my voice sounds literally depressed when i try to talk to someone... idk what to do",I am not doing alright,1 +461,"Food does not taste good. The sunshine doesn't warm my skin as it used to. Exercise leaves me only drained not satisfied. I cannot live properly, but I cannot die. I have a loving family and I cannot do that to them. I am hanging in a superposition. A hell of routine that is not longer designed for me but for who I used to be. My study turned my passion into mindless work. I am too broke and too far down the study to stop it now. I have one year left. Therapy does not help and I do not trust depression meds. I am lonely surrounded by people. What does one do when negativity takes over? I was told depression means I am not in the right place. That my lifestyle needs to change. Yet...I am barely managing to do the little I am doing. I am trying to take responsibility for my situation and change what I can control but...it all falls short. I feel like I am chasing something but even when I stop and appreciate the moments it is just a fleeting break from the endless torture. + +It feels that the world is going mad, each year they discover something else that we humans broke. From microplastics, carbon emissions to the impending doom of nuclear war. I would say that I am losing hope but I am already hopeless. + +Yet...this is not how I felt just a few days ago. It comes and goes. For a few days I feel like a human and then I plunge back into this torture. Like on a rollercoaster. I am pushing away the little friends that I have, because if I stay silent then they still feel somethings up and when I open up they just don't like the negativity. I don't even know why I am writing this post. Just to kill time before it finally kills me.","Cannot live, cannot die",1 +462,"If you dont like playing some game, you simply click a button and leave it. If you dont enjoy being at some random party you just go home. Do you see where im going with this? This life is the same fking thing, its just an experience, its nothing special, its not what all these people are making of it. Literally this life is utterly miserable objectively for the majority of people, and i dont care if some minority gets to enjoy this life and squeeze max pleasure from it. If i dont want to be here than its fking obvious that im not obligated by anything to continue to stay here. And its not only about me not wanting to continue, its about this life being such a fking terrible painful shit that its unbearable to even exist there. Something or Someone clearly designed this life this certain way so that we cant leave this life any moment without pain without fear without any aftermath whatsoever. They even called it ""death"" and gave us this stereotype that death is so dramatic, its so scary, its so bad, you should survive and avoid it. Like its 100% objective truth that if everyone had an ability to simply end this life whenever they want, nobody would be depressed, there would be no suffering, no misery, we wouldn't even have this conversation. I mean imagine even having to fking talk about this miserable shit i mean existence should be about having fun, to be happy, to have beautiful memories, not to be stuck in this shit and wondering what the actual fk is this. There is not one asshole that will tell me that i should live this life if i dont want. I would beat the shit out of any bitch that would hesitate to even suggest to me that i should do something that i dont fking want. I know exactly what i feel inside and its just billions time stronger and more powerful and makes much more sense than any kind of shit that this world propagates. Even if billion people will scream at me that im worthless piece of shit just because i dont care about this life i would give a single fuck because i know that im right, i know for sure that no sentient conscious being with empathy and logic would even suggest that this abomination what we call ""life"" is great",The only reason of all this misery is simply that we cant leave this life at any moment easily,1 +463," Hello! Today, I (18M) fully realized that I cannot function properly as a human being, unless I'm directly seeking acceptance in others. This translates to me not showering, not brushing my teeth, not shaving, not even washing my hands when no one is going to see that I am clean and ""normal"". + + + I recently started college, I've been making friends and generally having a great time, this, if u look at it from the outside. + + + Inside my head, I just cannot get the sense out of my mind that someone is going to think less of me and criticize me physically, because of my clothes, my face, my hair, because I have a gray shadow even after just 30 minutes of shaving, because somehow I smell bad, etc. I have crippling anxiety just thinking about someone criticizing my looks in their heads (And don't let me start with my personality), basically all this converts into me having a sort of ""Double life"". + + +When I need to go outside, I do all the work I can possibly do to try and look nice, smell good and be a nice person. But the moment I'm in my home, my mind unconsciously switches to a gross side, I don't take care of myself in any way type or form, suddenly I am mean, lazy, antisocial and want to die once again. The cycle repeats day after day, I've been trying to make myself go to the gym and eat better for months now, but my body just doesn't respond, every fiber of my mind tells me that I can't do anything right, I will always be kinda ugly, kinda fat, and kinda gross, so why bother trying? + + +Maybe nothing of this makes any sense, sorry, english is not my first language and i'm just trying to cope somehow",I can't even wash my hands when no one will see that I did it,1 +464,"when i was unemployed, my life had no structure. the only reason i ever did anything besides rot in bed was my cat. + +now that i have a remote job, this is all i do. i just exist. my week is a blur. my weekends are sad and structureless. + +i have nothing else. i don’t talk to anyone except my parents because i live at home (another reason for my misery…) + +today my boss met with me to talk about my long term goals… + +meanwhile all day every day all i can think about is leaving this earth. how can i think long term if i don’t even know how to get through each day anymore??? all i want is a way out. + +i had to be so fake and act enthusiastic. it hurts so much.",my 9-5 is both helping and making me worse,1 +465,"Those questions about ""what drives you"", ""what makes you passionate"". They're going to keep me unemployed. I can't even fake an answer. Literally don't know what to say.",job interviews,1 +466,"When I was 18, I had moved out because I has a strained relationship with my family. I moved away because I wanted to put distance so that the relationship could be repaired. I ended up moving across state lines and then eventually moved down south, halfway across the country, at my father's suggestion for an easier life while I worked and got my degree. And the distance did exactly what I wanted: it showed my parents that I was strong and capable and mature and that I was an adult. But it also created a great longing for home. + +Life was easier. I got a better job, I bought a house, and I live comfortably with my husband. But... We don't like it here. We like the small city, the restaurants, the proximity, the healthcare, etc. But the environment and climate do not align with us. We are northerners at heart. We like the seasons, fall and winter, the hills, the mountains, the streams winding through the forest. We miss it so dearly it hurts sometimes. + +But I also miss my family. I miss my parents, my brother, my nephew. I miss my childhood best friend and her family. I am heartbroken seeing years pass and I am missing from their daily life and they are missing from mine. I am just incredibly lonely here, and I want to be with them. + +There has always been an obstacle preventing us from moving back, but the biggest one being how expensive it is there, and we would have struggled unless we were finished school and in our well-playing fields. So years pass by and we stay here, while wishing we there. + +Well now my parents are getting older, approaching their 60s. They want to retire, but they don't want to retire there, they want to retire in the state I'm currently in. + +So then, becomes a new dilemma: do I stay in this state that doesn't make me happy, so I can be with my parents (and potentially my brother in time)? Do I move back home and enjoy my brother's company for as long as I have it, I have my friends, my climate, and my job? Either way I'm giving up something that feels non-negotiable for my complete happiness. + +I'm overcome with this intense sadness that I've spent all the years where I could have had it all being away. And now they are gone and I feel as if the life I have worked so hard in my degree and in life to get back to is gone. + +Ive tried talking to my family about staying in their current state or maybe moving to another state that I know they love and enjoy and that we do as well, and they don't budge - this is their plan. I feel selfish when I push too hard. + +I don't know what to do. I'm overwhelmed with sadness. I just accepted a job in my career because I just graduated but its even further south and even though its an amazing career opportunity, I feel like its a step backward in the life I wanted.",The life I've worked for is gone.,1 +467,"I am a 19 year old student in college studying in computer science, who despite being in his 4th semester is still stuck in the 2nd. I am unable to make any lasting connections with any other students I’ve met during those semesters. The only people i talk too are people i have been friends with in high school and their friends. This is our last semester together has the have chosen a pre +University to then follow their ambitions and have the job they wanted. I have become so tired and hopeless that i am just barely following the classes anymore and recently I started not going to any of them if its one of those days. I never thought i would make it past 16 honestly and im even more surprised that I haven’t gotten to courage to attempt to end myself again. + +I am just so tired of all of this, All the things that I used to love means literally nothing to me, I keep getting overwhelmed by everything at the middle of the semester, I keep self sabotaging so bad that i just lay in bed all day or do nothing productive at all. Ive never seen myself in a future where I could be happy with the others and Ive lost all my hopes and dreams. Over the years i have developed the worse eating habits as well as letting my negative self talk become louder and louder to the point when sometimes when I wake up, Im already defeated by it so I see no point in getting out of bed or do anything at all. Why even bother if it’s pointless anyway. + +I dont even get why I am becoming like this. I barely understand how I feel, how think or what the hell I am even doing. +I thought I could prove my thoughts wrong by proving that I could do stuff but Im coming close and closer to accomplishing another self fulfilling prophecy each time, thinking about death being the only way out of this since its the only way to stop existing. + +Although I think this is true I know deep down that its also a lie. I envy those who can just wake up, go through life and enjoy it. Idk how they do it but I wish I could experience it. Just being alive for once, being human without ruining everything that I do. I want to be able to convey emotions again, cry instead of blocking all of this sadness in my throat without having to bottle everything up until I breakdown, be angery at stuff due to how wrong some of them are, be happy and have way more better days than what I am having rn and laugh at how everything is just absurd with other people. I dont want to stay as this subhuman filth that I have become but every step I take takes me to nowhere so I am just here, standing still while watching everything else moving forward.",I wish I wasn’t like this,1 +468,"I have a situation that I won’t go too much detail, but I’ll probably write a lot about it + +My gf/now ex ended things last weekend because of her severe depression after she was crying about everything and didn’t want to put me through it. She told me she always pushes everyone away. She lost her two year old boy three years ago and never got help to grieve. We also found she miscarried just before the weekend too, however before this she told me she was not wanting the baby. + +The day after this happened I shut myself off from my phone and apparently she tried to contact me, raced around to my apartment and was shaking giving me a big hug thinking i’d done something to myself (wasn’t my intention). + +Since then I’ve felt down about it. I made it clear to her that I want her but I understand that isn’t important right now and her getting better is key, that I would stick by her no matter what. She appreciated this and said let’s see what the future holds but that she needs space between us. I agreed and respected this. She also said she still loves me. + +She came over a couple of days ago and I was on the phone to customer service. When she spoke to them they asked who she was and she said “his partner” which confused me. She invited me to IKEA after I finished work so I could help her with buying stuff, we went and got some food and overall we had a laugh (like our earlier days). + +I’m trying to give her space but she keeps contacting me about things in the apartment, etc. Her mum had asked me to reset some laptops for her but I was given no deadline and had been very busy lately. + +My ex tried to call me multiple times this morning about the laptops but I was working. I called her on my break and she was very aggressive on the phone. I mentioned doing this as a favour but she called me an “inconsiderate c*nt” because of what her mum had done for me. She also complained at me that if it wasn’t for her nothing would have got done in our apartment and that she was in there today sorting stuff. + +What originally caused her to leave our apartment and go back to her mums were these low moments she’d have lashing out because of her depression. My issue was i’d react to it, turn it into something more and walk out the room, so when she was being like this on the phone I wanted to be the opposite and tell her it’ll be okay and i’ll sort it. She spiralled into a meltdown with me and hung up. + +I sent a message after saying it’ll be sorted tonight and i’ll drop the laptops off, that I do appreciate everything her and her mum have done. + +I just don’t know what to do. I feel like this is a further step back and she now hates me. She seemed to be warming back up to me when we were at IKEA. I still want to be there and support her when she needs me, but I feel like after this, depression aside.. why would she even want to consider making a go of things with someone she sees as “inconsiderate, dragging feet, etc”. ? + +I plan to keep giving her space until she reaches out again, but I keep thinking that in the long term I’ve severed any chance of her returning. I want to show her I’m not like that, just I’ve had to juggle everything so I’m finding it difficult to complete jobs she wants alongside balancing my own life + +I want to support her through her depression so much, I love her, but it just feels like she hates me right now","Depressed GF (f31) ended things with me (m30) to not put me through it, but I still want to support her. She was warming back up to me again and has since snapped about a job she asked me to do",1 +469,I can't fucking take this anymore.,I just woke up.,1 +470,I don' have no idea what to do.,I'm losing my sense of reality.,1 +471,starting to become a deeply resentful person and i hate myself for that 😱😳,FUCK !!!! IM TIRED !!!! 🥰,1 +472,"I've forgotten who I was before. All my memories feel like faded recollections of a dream I had ages ago. I don't have much of a personality anymore, or opinions on anything. I feel like a child ghost among human adults, pretending to fit in. Maybe I should just forget about it all and try to become someone new, but I'm scared and I don't want to completely lose myself.",I feel so lost,1 +473,"I made plans to end my life this week. I didn’t get to bc my partner has been here and I know he’s not going to let me. And I’m not sure if it’s because I can’t get it over with him here or the depression itself but I’ve been really irritable. His jokes aren’t funny anymore, I get visceral when he play fights with me, I get so angry at him I want to cry and be violent. It just sucks because he was the absolute last thing thats brought me any type joy these pasts few weeks. I guess it really is time to go, I can’t continue this miserable existence for much longer and I truly don’t plan to.",I’m at the end,1 +474,"I don’t know what to do anymore i have no friends no family when it comes to trying being strong i do I really do try. But when one succumbs to his own mental thoughts it can be detrimental how one perceives life. I’m currently homeless and have no one to rely on except myself even though im homeless i do have a job and want a future for myself but sometimes its to difficult to move on(and im taking about mentally, (being surrounded by your own thoughts can be detrimental to one’s health)",Why just why,1 +475,"They all leave. They say they are there for people, but when you actually are in that place they say nothing and stop talking to you. It is so hard to struggle every single day, and to have people see you struggling, but choose to do and say nothing. They say open up to us. When I do they explain it away. Depression is hard because yoy are completely alone. It's like being stuck in a desert, there's no hope and no respite- just death.",Every single person I've told that I'm depressed has left me.,1 +476,"So, my prior job turned extremely toxic back in November due to new management. It devastated my (already shitty) mental health. In January I couldn’t take it anymore so I quit. I’m 42 years old and I have a mortgage and I live alone with my dog. There’s no money coming in and my house payment is 23 days late. + +I’ve tried getting a new job, but due to my depression, I can barely make myself go to the mailbox and get the mail more than once per week. I’ve only left my house once in the last 2 months. I’ve had 2 interviews lined up but I couldn’t make myself go. + +So, a couple weeks ago I had the idea to start a business. I failed to get any investors, so I said fuck it and started using my credit cards to buy the tools and equipment I need. + +I’m currently just about out of money, and I’m nowhere near ready to start the business. Making and selling things, basically is the business model. + +I’ve been really starting to feel the full weight of this decision and the pressure to not fail is insane. I don’t know what to do if I fail. + +I’ve had plenty of suicidal thoughts since back in November, but I was able to push them away. My dog and my dad (he lives in another state and has health issues and he’s pushing 80) are the only things keeping me from swallowing the old bottle of ambien in my cupboard, pulling my car into the garage, and just letting it all go. + +The part of me that wants to live is getting smaller everyday. I’ve discussed all this with my therapist and one friend, but even then I have a habit of sugar coating things. + +I just don’t know what to do. I feel broken and empty inside. Out of nowhere I’ll just break down and cry. I can’t remember the last time I thought “hey maybe things are gonna be ok”. + +I guess that’s the end of my rant. Thanks for reading this far. Take care, everyone!",Not sure what to do,1 +477,"I don’t know why I’m on here, guess I just needed to get it out of my system. + +I think I’m finally done, done trying to be okay. I just want it to stop, everything. +I’m trying so hard to “protect my peace” but is just not working anymore. Trying to rebuild myself into a better me, trying to “find my spark” again but I’m just done. I don’t have the energy for it anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, im trying my best to take care of myself. Eating better and making sure I’m taking care of my body, sleeping good hours and taking my meds but it’s just not worth it anymore. +Im so disgusted in myself, im so disgusted that I don’t want to keep fighting for everyone I love. I don’t want my family and friends to experience me just leaving, I don’t want to put that pain on them. I don’t want my little sister to grow up without me, I don’t want her to not understand why I don’t come to visit her anymore. I want to be there when she has her first partner, her first heartbreak,when she gets her license, gets married and has her first kid of her own. I don’t want her to ever know what it’s like to loose someone like this. + I fucking love everyone but I’ve just tired everything, psychs, meds, spiritual journeys, taking it one day at a time. Nothing works. I just can’t do it anymore, im fucking exhausted.",I’m so tired,1 +478,"Forgive me if the title is graphic but I can’t tell who I am anymore, if the voices are me, and why they’re all so different and treat me like this whole other person. I can’t tell what kind of person I am and I’m losing myself. It feels like my mind has shattered and my body is being shared by the different people in my head. Where did I go? Is this me who feels this way?",I can’t believe I’m real and I can feel my skin and bones hugging the organs inside me and I feel like I’m going insane,1 +479,"I have 0 intention of living. I’ve never been able to view life the way others view it, and therefore never really enjoyed much in life to begin with. After cracking my brain for countless of nights i still can’t come up with what’s stopping me for doing it. This may come off as me being ungrateful/selfish for my family/friends but i can’t live this life any longer just for them. It has already gotten to a point where they’re starting to blame themselves for how i’ve turned out and it’s just not fair to them. Yet despite knowing all of this and wanting to die with all my heart, i still don’t have what it take to do it. I can’t even wrap my head around how pathetically weak my mind is…Can’t i just do something right for once",Want to die but just can’t seem to do it,1 +480,I’ve been in community college for a few semesters. I was finally gonna go to my dream college this fall… but I needed a scholarship to afford it. I worked really hard. I got extremely high marks. Good enough that my professors here gave me early congratulations. Yet I just got the news today that I got nothing. I won’t be able to afford it. I can’t go. And it’s a pretty hopeless field without a good degree. I just feel so broken and lost. No idea what I did wrong or what else I could have done. I was finally starting to feel better about my life and now I have no trajectory again. I don’t even want to finish my current semester. I’m just done. It’s over.,Don’t know where I went wrong,1 +481,"I was struggling with depression for years, and I got out of it by going to therapy, making lifestyle choices and shifting into a mindset of ""i deserve taking care of myself."" I still had a lot of anxiety and insecurity, but I could at least moderately function and feel joy and happiness. + +I'm feeling myself slip back into depression, partially due to a lack of fulfillment/accomplishment at my job, a long with realizing that I'm not living up to my very high expectations on a personal level. + +Any tips for not falling in the hole? I know that every day I don't do anything about it will make it so much harder to get back to a normal level of functioning.",Relapse Prevention,1 +482,"I woke up over stimulated today +I don't have the energy to even explain why I'm so angry and tired of everything + +We don't have money +They cut the benifits on our food stamps from the pandemic help thingy + +Now we can barley feed ourselves and it's not a matter of reapplying +That won't fix that + +I need to get a job +But no one is hiring +I don't have a license +Because no one has the time to take me to take the test + +I love with my mom and little brother +Who both have health issues +Especially my mom +I'm afraid to leave them alone +Because if something happened while I was gone +That would be my worst nightmare + +But it's looking like I need to get a job +Somewhere close by where I live +Get my mom to sit down and reapply for social security +She keeps putting it off it more infuriating and new ways + +I just feel strongly about closing my eyes and just disappearing +I think that would be nice +But I can't so... + +I'm happy that people think it's so easy from the outside looking in +That I'm just ""complaining for nothing"" +That I'm lazy and scared +That I need to grow up + +Trying going from a family of 6 to a family of three in a matter of months +And see how you deal with those deaths and traumas + +I started a new medication +Wellbutrin +Idk what to think of it yet +It's only been 3 days + +But I already feel so angry +That always happens when I try to take depression medication +It makes me manic and angry +More easily irritated I guess +Idk +I'm just tired of people talking to me about my life like I'm a clueless child +Like I haven't already tried all the obvious answers over and over and over again +Like in a fucking idiot",Everyone thinks it's so easy,1 +483,As the days go on the more I think about everything that’s happened in the past years I can honestly say that I regret being so weak I absolutely despise the moment in my life when I let my feelings take over telling myself it was okay to cry when shit got tough telling myself it was okay to shut down for a little this world has shown me that it’ll never stops kicking you even when your down and having to learn how to be strong again has been a journey trying to better myself hasn’t been easy and I know that as life goes on it won’t get any easier,My biggest regret,1 +484,I can’t do this again,It’s back,1 +485,So my partner recently got diagnosed with cancer. He'll be ok with treatment but still awful. I went the docs & got back on meds as the stress was crippling me. Now all I want to do is sleep or punch things. I feel so angry all the time which really isn't me & I hate it. Everyone around me has noticed the change in me & said something which make me feel terrible. I'm just ranting because I don't know what else to do.,"I'm spiralling & I can see it, but I can't stop it",1 +486,"I've been struggling with severe depression for a long time.I had a traumatic childhood. My parents didn't had any kind of love and were always shouting and fighting. I was always alone and nobody wanted to go out with me, watch a movie with me Or spend time with me. Now I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. It's getting so severe now, it's like one moment I'm very calm, talking and greeting people nicely with a huge smile and always willing to help but as soon as I see anyone happy I literally get terribly rude and feel like choking the life out of them. In this personality I literally feel like unaliving people as if I would really enjoy it. It's getting so bad now that others have started to notice. Am I becoming a psychopath? What can I do? I feel like I'm living on a limited time.",What can I do in this case?,1 +487,"Hello, I’m in menopause with 2 teenagers, one in crisis that’s been going on for at least a year. My husband travels frequently so it’s hard to depend on him for daily “hands on support”, but he is very supportive otherwise. I’m taking Wellbutrin for SAD, but I’m now considering staying on it for the time being. In the past two weeks, my teenager in crisis has needed much more support than usual, which is incredibly draining and stressful for me despite the fact they have a good team in place. I’ve noticed that my muscles have become somewhat “frozen”, like I can’t really move about like before and a bit achy. I don’t have a temp or Covid-just wondering if this typical of depression?",Is “freezing” typical in depression,1 +488,"have you ever felt like that? I don’t fit into any friend group and i’m very extroverted but somehow I don’t have any friends and I’ve felt this way since i was 12. i’m 23 now 😅 makes me sad seeing everyone going out with friends with genuine connections knowing i’ll most likely never have that! at this point I think it’s me, I would catch myself in middle/high school going from friend group to friend group, sometimes eating lunch by myself. that makes me feel like a total loser.",why don’t i fit in anywhere?,1 +489,that's it.. im tired of living like this. im tired of how much energy and restraint it takes for me to not just end it all. i think its time to let it go and accept it's over for me.,im just tired,1 +490,I don't have any strength in me.,I feel like quitting my job. I am so tired all the time.,1 +491,"Ever since I (21F) was younger, i struggled with emotions. I’d cry whenever frustrated or angry and still do to this day. My parents would often say I was a drama queen for this reason. Kids would also talk about me being overly sensitive and crying too much. But i was genuinely hurt. Nowadays whenever I’m sad or cry, those memories get in my head and i convince myself that I’m faking it; like my feelings aren’t genuine, like i am doing it for attention even if I am genuinely hurt. I feel like I can’t trust myself. I struggle with OCD, depression, and anxiety. I’m taking Buspar for anxiety, ashwaganda, and did some OCD therapy for about 2-3 months weekly. The OCD aspect somewhat improved. However, my depression has skyrocketed. I’ve always been able to make friends easily however it wasn’t because of my personality but the way I can match others energy. I Can get every guy to like me not because they like me but because I’m easy to talk to. I feel like I don’t even have an identity, a personality. I don’t feel like a person and therefore, don’t feel deserving of love or anything. I struggle with being insecure sometimes as well. In eighth grade, these boys who i thought were friends of mine came behind my chair and repeatedly called me ugly until I cried. That moment haunts me forever. Another moment, i love my mom to pieces but something she said killed me. I was a rotten girl growing up. Again, i was mad at the world. I felt no one understood me. I had a strict dad who is emotionally unavailable and a helicopter mom (not like this anymore we are best friends now). They again would always make incidents my fault for being too sensitive. One time I went too far with being a rotten preteen and my mom said you know I used to always dream of having a daughter and now that I have you this is not what I wanted. Along those lines. Heartbreaking to hear. All of these experiences have made me feel like no one. Like I’m empty. Like no one really cares for me. My family doesn’t even care to talk about what I learned at university, the place where I spend 30 hours a week at. I feel somewhat invisible. I feel empty but so full of sadness. I lack empathy and feel awkward when others express their emotions. I want to be happier and feel joy and excitement and empathy and i just can’t. I feel broken. I have friends and supportive family, they know I struggle but they don’t know how bad. I can’t afford to break down everyday. I feel traumatized by life and feel unmotivated to keep moving forward. I won’t do anything to end it. I’m expressing its really really hard for me right now. I just want to know. Is this forever ? Side note: only hobby I have time for is exercise atm",Will I be depressed forever?,1 +492,"My therapist (50f) and i (21f) haven’t spoken in a long time. In the end of our last appointments she always said, she would message me a date for our next session later, but she didn’t text me. This happened at least 5 times and I only got my next appointment when i texted her. Since I’m in therapy for 9 years or so, she kinda became my second mum and it hurt every time she forgot to give me a new appointment. I always had a really good connection to her and it clicked the second i saw her. As I said, we haven’t spoken in a long time now, because I’m hurt and don’t really want to go to her anymore. I don’t want to look for another therapist either (bc it’s exhausting to talk about all of the trauma again), so i wait till i can go to the clinic in a few weeks. What would you do in my situation? If you think I should talk to her about it, how do i do it?",What would be your reaction?,1 +493,"My current life is nothing but constant lonely monotony and working all the time, and I fear that’s how the rest of my life will be. I’ve fantasized about gathering up all of my savings, booking a trip to Vegas, staying in a nice airbnb, and having as much fun in sin city as I can for a week before I end it all. I need at least one last good adventure that I can look back on and be proud of. I’d rather spend the last week of my life living it to the fullest than spend the rest of my life in depressing monotony",I want to have one last week of fun before I kill myself,1 +494,"Dear World, + +I am writing this note with a heavy heart, seeking and begging for your forgiveness for my pathetic and weak existence. I am sorry for the pain and disappointment I may have caused you all through my cowardly acts and weak display of character. + +My entire life has been a complete failure; I have been consumed by fear, self-doubt, and discouragement that it has rendered me powerless in almost all aspects of my life. I have tried so hard to fit in and be accepted, but it seems like no matter how much I try, my efforts are always not good enough. + +I am sorry for all the times I let you down, for all the opportunities I squandered and wasted because I was too timid to seize the moment. I am sorry for all the people whose trust and love I lost because I could not face my shortcomings. + +I know that taking my own life is not the solution, but I cannot bear the pain and the emptiness that I feel inside anymore. I cannot bear living in this world that expects too much from me when I clearly cannot deliver. + +I hope that one day you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for my cowardice and inadequacy. I hope that you can move past my shortcomings and failures and remember me for the good that I once was. + +To my family, friends and loved ones, I am sorry that I couldn't be the strong and dependable person that you deserved. I hope that my death brings you some form of closure and relief from the burden that I have become in your lives. + +I will leave this world with a prayer in my heart that one day the world will be a better place where acceptance, kindness, and love abound, may nobody else ever feel the isolation and pain that I have felt during my life. + +I hope that when I am gone, the world becomes brighter and filled with more hope and happiness. Goodbye, world. Please forgive me. + +Yours sincerely, + +Liam","I'm writing this note, then I'm out.",1 +495,I think I’m finally ready to kill myself. I’m not scared of going to hell anymore,:),1 +496,🙄,"As soon as people find out my Im depressed, why do they keep nagging me to “smile”?? Is it just to make them feel more comfortable? Because it makes me feel 10x shittier. I’m not a circus animal fuck off.",1 +497,"I know that taking an NSAID with an SSRI is not advised. But given that, do any of you still take something like ibuprofen or naproxen anyway? I’m not asking because I plan to use the comments as a permission slip for me to do the same. I’m going to ask my doctors and work with them. + +I suffer from back pain, and naproxen is super effective for me. I’d like to restart Zoloft, but I’m concerned about the impact on my health when used with an NSAID. I have a couple of doc visits scheduled to see what they can do for me, and if there is any way I can do this safely or with minimal risk. + +But in the meantime, I’m curious what your experience is. Does your doc make you do blood work every so often while you take an NSAID? Did they put you on a different med? Do you just stick it out during pain and not take those types of drugs? Do you do physical therapy? Etc? + +I’m aware there are other pain meds out there, such as Tylenol, but I’m asking specifically about NSAIDs due to their anti-inflammatory effects.",Taking NSAIDs with an SSRI,1 +498,"I'm suicidal? Well I haven't self harmed so it mustn't be bad. + +I've started self harming? I haven't gone deep enough so it mustn't be bad. + +Love that.",Love how it's never bad enough for me,1 +499,"I'm in a depressive episode, I've already used gout as an excuse, this time I'm using a concussion as an excuse. Clearly I'm not comfortable sharing my mental health. Does anyone else have a go to excuse?","Excuses for work, etc.",1 +500,I’m trying to find a girlfriend because I want to settle down but it’s impossible. I met a girl who loves two hours from be but of course it’s going nowhere per usual. I hate life. I do not want to end up forever alone but that’s how I feel.,I need help bad.,1 +501,"Been depressed since I was 12 years old. It's been 10 years and my family still thinks it's a phase. I don't understand why I haven't died yet because I don't have a reason to be here, except to rot away.","It doesn't get better, does it?",1 +502,"i don't have it in me to do absolutely anything in my life, not even kill myself. but if i wasn't so broken, maybe i wouldn't need or want to. what a fucking curse.",the only reason i'm alive is because i'm too broken to do anything,1 +503,"conflicted self inflicted misery has made me numb. I thrive off academic validation. Having become stagnant in every way possible and unreachable has made me cold hearted. + + + +The only way to numb the non reluctant pain is through expressive amount of work. At all times. I've had depression for ten years and have the diagnoses of chronic depression. + + + +Being a remarkable student doesn't fix the pain. It numbs it. If I don't indulge in work then my depression hits. Filling my brain with work excludes me from killing myself. + + + +The amount of work does at least give me an accommodating future. Being caught up in this misery of perfectionism is ruining me. + + + +What I fear most is summer vacation. I can't stand vacation. The time where I drive myself nuts on my own. Signing up for lecture after lecture. I really am in misery but I am too numb to cry. + + + +I am waiting for vacations so that I can work myself to an extent, just over manageable. An extent that makes people worried if they knew. Even though people only see a little glimpse of my sickness, I am very very sick. I am aware, but also so sick that I'll always keep going.",I've lost myself to depression,1 +504,I recovered from my depressive episode 4 years ago. I was actually happy for a long time. Now I’m back here and I can’t believe it. I can’t do it again I just can’t.,I recovered I was happy and now I’m back to misery,1 +505,"I been having a tough two years because of a really bad break up that made me question my life and worth. I feel like I don’t really belong here. They keep telling me it gets better and I’ll find someone better but it hasn’t. I feel alone. I’m a background friend and I’ll always be a second thought. I want to disappear but I can’t seem to do it because I have a twin. We do everything together, work together, vent to each other. I would hate to have to leave him alone in the world without his other half. I’m scared how he’ll have to plan my funeral and bury me. To have him cry for me and tell people “I had a twin.” Or be around our coworkers and he won’t enjoy his job because he used to see me walk around. I can’t do it. I’ll just keep holding on","I want to leave the world, but I can’t because of my twin sibling.",1 +506,"I am the happy-go-lucky type of person, I have a good life, with a fantastic wife, a very nice house, a lovely dog and a great car. I have no financial issues either, actually you could say that I'm pretty rich in life - financial but mostly generally 'in life'. Also I am reasonably healthy - I need to work out for some stamina but I hardly have any overweight, don't smoke, don't drink, I eat healthy. Sounds great, right? + +I was burnt out in 2021 because I worked 24/7 for many years - and even though it feels like the burnout is mostly gone, I can't really get myself to do anything.. and it's starting to get to me - I am feeling frustrated about it more and more. + +Honestly don't feel like I am depressed. I feel happy and mostly relaxed w/o anxiety. I am absolutely motivated to do a lot of things - both in the work and private spectrum.. maybe I even want to do too much stuff. I REALLY want to do all the things in my head and achieve new goals. But I sit on the couch and then when I want to start with something I just can't get myself to do it. And when I do, I don't finish it. + +Examples are typically: + +* I have some great online business ideas and I can start them all myself from my home office. I start the projects but I never finish. +* I have a great gym at home and I want to work out at least a few times a week, but I just don't do it. + +Daily tasks are not an issue and I do them with pleasure - e.g. cooking, cleaning, administrative tasks, garden work, etc. It's not a problem at all. I am guessing because they are small isolated tasks that I can finish and then move on. + +Anyway, I had intakes with a couple of therapists and they all say that they think I seem very good and not depressed, that I should do more fitness and are not sure they can help me any further. And even though they're right - I should get more fit - but I really doubt that's what is keeping me from actually doing/finishing things. + +Maybe it's just the last burn-out issues I am experiencing or is something else? Depression anyway? Or something related? Thoughts?",I am motived but I can't put myself to do / complete things,1 +507,theres nothing for me,what is there to do other than rot,1 +508,"I (19M) am at my lowest point in life. It’s been 4 years since my brother died and I still think about him every fucking day. I have a gf who cuts herself and has her own issues. I don’t know how to help her, since she does not want to seek professional help. I have zero motivation at school and have lost all my friends, not sure why. I don’t want to kill myself but I just want to sleep forever. I’m so tired of pretending I’m fine when I’m fucking not. It’s been like this for some time. I thought it was a «phase» and that it would pass, but it just keeps getting fucking worse and worse. Every fucking expression i make is just a mask hiding how fucking horrible i feel. I don’t remember the last time i truly felt happy about life.",Tired of everything (19M),1 +509,I am 20 years old and suffering from depression for a few years. I am unemployed and having gender identity issues. I honestly am trying a lot harder to get better but today is one of those days where I am alone and want to commit suicide I feel like a complete loser since I have no friends available anymore. I hated college and every job I’ve ever had. I feel there is no place for me in this world. I want to live and meet my online partner but that’s pretty far off and doesn’t stop the fact I am a poor loser with depression and nothing going for me. Can anyone help me? I’m just wanting to die a lot and I’m trying to get it to go away by it never does long. I’m pushing people I used to know away more and more. I went to high-school with them I know they don’t care so I’m removing them all from my life. My family wouldn’t support me if I was trans. I’ve dropped hints and they all shut me down and tell me I’m not or that they would be disappointed in me. I’m on meds and in therapy. I want to kill myself nearly everyday. My mom said if I go back to the hospital again or cut myself she would send me to live with my grandma because she can’t deal with the stress of me being depressed and she can’t watch me all the time. What do I do.,Depressed for years and not sure what to do,1 +510,"I’ll be honest, I was buzzed and didn’t know what I was doing at first, it’s like you don’t try to stop the intrusive thoughts anymore. For a while I was at peace. Next thing I know I was on my bathroom floor deeply cutting myself on the wrist and arm a few times. Some were just light slashes that weren’t deep at all. Once I realized that I actually had to deal with all the wounds and the mess it’s like my brain had just stopped. I frantically tried to treat myself and clean the blood off the floor because it was so damn horrifying and painful but after a half assed job I got so tired and slept. I woke up dreading to find out if last night was actually real. I couldn’t sleep properly the next few days and got real sick. Right now I have some energy but honestly I just want to sleep forever",What the fuck is wrong with me,1 +511,"Okay this may seem like a dumb question to a lot of you but just hear me out and please keep the judgement to a minimum. I'm sharing this because I genuinely want to change for the better after living like this for 20 years. + +For a little background, I grew up in a household where my mother and I weren't on the best terms and all she did as I grew up was work occasionally and sleep in bed all day long. Microwave dinners were a regular thing for me and my brothers, I did pretty bad in school blah blah blah. The big thing was, I was never taught good hygiene as a kid. It was never required or encouraged enforced. I grew up and went through high school without showering regularly, doing assignments, or even engaging with many people outside of school because my mom didn't allow me to get out of the house much. I'd spend my time, playing games, reading, and a loooot of media. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a weird smelly kid in highschool (surprisingly with the whole shower thing. I didn't sweat or anything and always used deodorant and perfume clean clothes etc.) I had a lot of friends that I talked to daily up until senior year. My senior year was when Covid hit and everyone was in quarantine. When school started back up I never went because it was online. That same year I moved in with a new bf and his dad and uncle and since I was so accustomed to staying in a room all day without socializing or doing anything, that's what I did there. I dropped out of highschool and lived with my new boyfriend at the time for two years and to this I realized that I still never leave the room I stay in. Even when my bf has a job that requires him to travel for work, I stay in the hotel room still having horrible hygiene habits (although again not smelling bad or anything) and consuming lots of media from the bed. I'd have moments where come to the realization that l've spent days, weeks, then months doing the exact same thing and wasting the entire day away doing absolutely nothing. It's only dawned on me now that something could be wrong and I should hear other's opinions on it. Of course I'm using a throw away because sharing this is embarrassing enough. I've never considered myself depressed and honestly I never want to but every time Hook up what l'm dealing with su*cide and help websites pop up... + +I don't know how to go about this and I genuinely want to do better, so if anyone knows some steps I can take to doing better, I'd really appreciate it. +I've been like this my entire life because it's just how grew up but don't want to waste away any longer.",Am I Depressed Without Realizing I’m Depressed?,1 +512,"When I was 16 I had the best year of my life. Only time I was hopeful and happy + +Now I’m 18 and I’ve spent the last 2 years listing to the same songs from when I was 16. I keep chasing that dragon but it’s just making me crippled with depression and suicidal thoughts + +How can I move on?",I keep reliving past happy experiences,1 +513,"I’m 19 and I’m fucked. I’ve had a really bad drinking problem for over a year, I smoke a lot of weed and I have cut myself before. I’m on holidays with my girlfriend and can’t be happy. I haven’t smoked in weeks and it’s killing me, my drinking is just as bad up here except I’m trying to hide it. I haven’t drank in 2 days and I’m struggling. My best friend/cousin died 2 years ago and I can’t start to get over it, I have massive retroactive jealousy and I hate it and I hate myself even more for it. I’ve been bullied by family and friends and colleagues/peers since primary school. I’ve never fit in or had friends anywhere, every time I think I do they turn their backs and leave me. My dad hates me and doesn’t care if I’m alive or dead and my mum is depressed and I can’t help her. Everything I do in my life is just mediocre and meaningless, I can’t be good at anything. I have terrible luck wherever I go and whatever I do. I’m so over feeling like this and being so fucking sad. I can’t get over my addictions and I can’t feel any better with anything, I’m fucking over it and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.",Help me :(,1 +514,"You know, the kind that is buried deep and you know it's there because from time to time it makes you feel a great sadness for a moment or two? Thanks for reading!",How have you confronted suppressed sadness?,1 +515,I’m struggling to understand what’s the point of anything. I feel like any goal I can hope to achieve in the future is pointless. Everyday I wake up I question why I’m still alive. I must be alive for some reason but I really don’t know what that is.,What is the point anyway?,1 +516,"The title explains it all. I just want to WANT to help myself, but I’m struggling and I feel like it would be best if I just wasn’t here anymore.",I just want to “un-alive” myself…,1 +517,"What are you meant to do when you hit 40 and realise you've achieved nothing and never will, that you're not special or creative or talented, that the world will not change in the slightest because of you, that fiction is depressing as these characters you love would scorn you for being useless and average and pointless? I feel like as a kid, I used to dream I could do something, make something, but here I am, unable to make anything of worth, doped up on Prozac and working a basic admin job which I could do in my sleep. But I don't know how to be anything more. I don't have a mentor, I don't have support or guidance, I don't think I ever did. I'm so - unfulfilled. I doubt I'm alone. I suspect many people are like this. Which makes it worse, really. Escapism hurts, because all I can imagine is my beloved characters loathing me, but i can't make anything in the real world as I don't know how and I don't have any real talent and absolutely no drive or passion. Sometimes the only thing I think I contributed is that being nearly menopausal, at least I have never and will never breed, so no others will feel like this. I don't want the point of my life to be a negative. I wanted childfreeness to give me the freedom to be worthwhile in my own right, but I just am not. I wanted to be a creator, not a mere consumer. All my friends are successful - some famous, some highly qualified, some just with good jobs and fulfilment - and I am without doubt the group 'loser'. I'm so tired. I'm so jealous, all the time. I want to make something to give to people that they want and like, but I have no audience, nobody who cares or wants anything of me. + +I can't even hold to any faith. I can't believe. I hate being atheistic, I hate the lack of meaningful beauty (to me, I'm fully aware of the 'but nature is beautiful!' type arguments but without any - animistic sentience, I guess, it doesn't matter to me) - but I can't do it. I hate the doctrine of 'make your own meaning' - it's illogical - if one's self has no meaning, then one's made-up meaning in turn has no meaning. I used to love loving the gods, but I can't feel them any more. I miss my faith so, so much. And I can't make anything of myself in the 'real' world. The emptiness is so much.",What do you do when?,1 +518,"Night time is always the worse. The fear of tomorrow makes it hard to fall a sleep. When sleep finally happened, it is but a brief moment of peace. :(","As always, I am terrified of tomorrow. I hope it never comes.",1 +519,"I am seriously regretting my decision to go to grad school- I thought I was prepared for it, but I'm wasn't. I was an academically strong student in my undergraduate program and went straight to grad school after because I really enjoy academia. I found my education to be so fulfilling- but now the spark is completely lost. + +Ever since starting grad school my anxiety has NEVER been worse. I have always struggled, but not like this. I have panic attacks just from opening up my computer to do work. The thought of opening my email makes my chest hurt. Anxiety is showing up in other areas- I've had panic attacks because I was just convinced I was going to die within the next few days- because I just felt it. I have panic attacks when someone calls me, thinking they are going to tell me there's been some horrible tragedy. I'm convinced I see people with guns pointed toward me and I am going to be a victim of a mass shooting. I know there's something really wrong going on right now, + +And I'm so depressed. I have no drive to do things. The fear of consequences is building up my anxiety, but the thought of doing the thing just seems like the most impossible feat. + +I've barely submit any assignments- I keep trying to get them done. I tell myself that today is going to be the day I tackle even just one small thing, but this horrible feeling inside my chest and stomach just paralyzes me from being able to get anything done. I tell myself in 5 minutes I'll get up, it turns into 30 minutes, to 5 hours- then the next thing I know I've exhausted myself from just thinking about what I have to do & I decide that I will try again tomorrow. Each time I try again, I fail. + +I wish there was a way others could see how much effort I am putting in- even brushing my teeth and taking a shower are demanding tasks. Eating isn't even enjoyable & food doesn't taste appealing to me- I nearly gag with every bite trying to feed myself. + +I wish I didn't have to feel like this. I want to enjoy school and pursue my passions. I was so proud of how far I've come, only to let is all crash and burn now.",Unable to overcome extreme stress severely impacting my productivity,1 +520,"26f every step I take forward gets fucked up one way or the other. There's never a time any good thing lasts. I think I'm a weirdo moron that most people don't like. They think I'm so weird I get called a drug addict. That's how off people think I am... which is always a laugh because the most I do is drink wine at night. I always thought it was my anxiety that made people think it, but I think it's because I'm just trash. I have a 7 year old daughter I have lived for since the day she was born.. and I just can't help but think she's better off without me. Doesn't matter how kind I am. Nobody cares about anyone anymore. I just want it to end.","When you don't like yourself, don't like your life.. and just want a way out.",1 +521,"Everyone always saying things like “I’m here for you, don’t worry” and then when push comes to shove no one knows what to say or do to help you feel better. I know they mean well but it’s almost annoying to hear “treat yourself” “exercise” “do something to make yourself feel better” all the time. Then no one understands why you cry so much, aren’t up for socializing, or are easily agitated. + +I’m trying. But it’s hard to do anything when it literally hurts to live sometimes. I can still find glimmers of happiness here and there but the depression is overwhelming. + +I’m not trying to blame those who don’t understand, I just don’t think they truly understand how you feel unless they’ve gone through something similar themselves.",Sick of the fake support,1 +522,"I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, so I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and PTSD my entire life. I was bullied throughout all of school, never had a girlfriend, barely graduated, and by my senior year I was ready to commit suicide. Someone told me it gets better and I need to hold on for the better days. So I did. + +Here I am almost ten years later and my life has gotten monumentally worse. I'm a kissless virgin at 27 with no stable income and couldn't even finish my college degree because of finances. My entire life is a waste and all the suffering was for nothing. Can any of you seriously say I should continue living?","When I was 18 and wanted to die, someone told me it gets better. I'm 27 now. It got worse.",1 +523,"I am so mentally and physically ill that I can’t keep jobs or go to school. The realization that I am never going to feel better after the years of medication and on and off therapy because I’m so poor I can’t afford healthcare. It’s not even worth it anymore. Nothing makes me happy and I can’t imagine myself actually managing to live a normal life because my brain is so messed up and wrong. The thought of not existing anymore with all the every day stress, makes me feel better. and i dont want to exist anymore",I feel like there’s no point,1 +524," + +This is a pretty ignorant question but is there a distinction between internally induced and externally induced depression? + +For instance internally would be those cases where your neurochemicals just betray you, you're moving through life just fine then suddenly you're bedridden with catatonic depression and only after being heavily medicated can you function. + +Externally would be a concatenation of failures or disappointments or miseries which blacken your view of humanity and existence itself to the point that you no longer see the good in people or the joy in experiences and eventually an reach a point where you're also dysfunctional and need to be medicated. + +Has anyone experienced the former?",Internally induced vs externally induced depression?,1 +525,"Just my personal observations. I’ve been in the mental health sphere a long time, diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago when I was a young teen. + +Social media these days seems to give a lot of attention to anxiety-related illnesses, especially post-Covid. Absolutely justified and nothing wrong with it, but I hear many more people say they have social anxiety/panic attacks/GAD symptoms vs. classic depression. I see it in advertising. And in my own circle as well. Maybe it’s just where I live? My age? + +I’m fortunate to not have both like some do, I just can’t relate and I feel like my friends/family/acquaintances with anxiety just can’t fathom what it’s like to JUST. HAVE. DEPRESSION.",I wonder if depression will have its moment in the spotlight like anxiety D/Os,1 +526,I have written this message multiple times over the last few days. Finally decided to make a throwaway so I could have the confidence to post it. I am a late 30ish male living alone with my 3 dogs and cat. I live in a collection of duplexes. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. The property was sold and the new owner is kicking everyone out under the pretense of massive renovations. The new rent would be triple what I’m currently paying. But the problem is I can’t find anywhere I can afford that’s not double my current rent. The few places I have what were close don’t allow the pets that give me motivation to keep living. It’s gotten so bad that I’m not able to get up to go to work in the morning. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been considering the coward’s option but I guess that’s why I’m writing this. Life sucks and I wish rent wasn’t so high.,I am so lost,1 +527,"Just a personal win I decided to share. + +Dear Journal, + I got sick again. The same cyclical vomiting and upper stomach pain I had before. Yesterday and last night was the lworst of it. I'm just now starting to feel slightly better. + My biggest regret is how quickly I wanted to end my life. This wasnt a little pain by any means. The last time this happened, I had a psychotic break in the hospital and tried to cut myself open. This time wasn't as severe or long but still, the pain got so bad I wanted to end it all. I even thought of how. But by some stroke of fate, I talked myself out of it. Citing mostly that I just wasn't ready. + I spent the rest of the night repeating that it will pass. All storms pass, this will too. I know it sounds silly,but either by distracting myself or blind luck, I started to feel better. +I've always believed you gotta do what you gotta do. Last night, I had to survive and I did. I dont know how or even why I managed to talk myself out of it, but I am grateful. I can't say I'll always have that power. It didn't even sound like words I would say. I mean ""this will pass"", how cliché. But as the night passed and dawn broke, I knew I made it. + +Just a reminder for anyone that needs it, you're not fighting alone. We can get thru this together 💜",I wasn't ready,1 +528,"I wouldn’t say it ever left me, but the depression has gotten severe these past few days. + +Why me? Why can’t I just feel happiness and live a somewhat normal life? + +I’m a 25M who hasn’t had a girlfriend since my early 20s. I just don’t see myself getting better. The depression has consumed me and I feel terrible for my friends and family. Like maybe I am a root of the bad energy in the friend group. + +I still live with my mom, I have money saved but I have no clue what to do. My appetite gone again, all the weight and progress I’ve gained from the gym has been lost. And I just have no energy or motivation at the moment. + +I work part time and even at work some days I just feel so unfulfilled with my job. I just feel like a freaking loser. And i’m letting those around me down. + +I am hoping it will either get better or I just die because I’m tired of feeling like this.",Depression has crept back up to me,1 +529,"I ask because I've been in therapy for depression, anxiety secondary to Asperger's for over 20 years. +This shit don't work. CBT, schema therapy, etc, etc. Well it works for a very short time and then it's back to square one with another depressive episode. + +The last therapist even fired me as a client. Why? Because I didn't do my homework. Hilarious considering I'm a medical specialist and I've been doing the extra homework since I was in preschool. Whatever. 🖕",I was fired by my therapist. Does therapy actually work for you?,1 +530,"I (24F) have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety over the past few years. The thing is I’m able to push through it all and put it on the back burner to interact in public settings. I’m funny, social and endearing with people who I’m not that intimately close with. Doing this I know it’s not how I genuinely feel but what people want me to be. I just can’t do it with people I love and are super close with. It feels fake and like I’m deceiving the people I love. + +That being said I met my bf and fell in love, the whole nine yards and we’ve been comfortably dating for over two years. I’ve grown to trust him and show him the parts of me that are slowly dying. Problem being I feel like the social persona I build is too fake for our relationship. + +I’m struggling to maintain my half of the relationship because of this. I’m so depressed/anxious all the time and I can’t bring myself to act and look happy. I’ve effectively gone hermit and can’t seem to navigate having a bf that I want around while I’m trying not to (ya know). + +I can fake it with everyone else I just don’t want to have that fake mess with him. I don’t know what do + +(Bf is aware of my mental health and is understanding but I think one can only be so understanding for so long. + +I’m also on medication for over a year and therapy)",Struggling to be in a relationship with depression,1 +531,"Hello guys I was wondering if just CBT alone can help with moderate to severe depression in case drugs are of minimal help. Ive never actually engaged in a proper CBT plan since i was feeling like absolute shit all the time and I didnt believe that therapy would help and i wanted a drug to give some energy and motivation to go on with therapy more easily. So since ive tried everything under the sun, combinations etc. and I dont have almost any positive effect (It is actually minimal to be fair) I decided to engage in therapy in order to treat my depression accompanied with Extreme anxiety as well. It is actually my last hope. What do you think?",CBT for drug resistant depression.,1 +532,"I'm going to start dissociating soon. I can tell when it's about to happen. + +I feel like I only exist for other people's benefit. I'm just a paycheck for my partner. I'm just someone who takes the kids out on the weekend or helps put them to bed at night. I'm just there to help and then when I'm done helping I need to shut the fuck up and go away and stop being needy and annoying. + +Nobody has time for me. Nobody gives a damn what I want. But everyone needs me to exist. + +Is it worth living when you have nothing to live for and nothing to look forward to? + +I'm just existing for the sake of existing. I'd rather not exist anymore. My feelings are not severely painful by any measure, but they are constant and gnawing. It's this constant low level pain that is grind me down. It's hard to describe. It's boredom and loneliness and resentment mixed in with regret at all the choices I've made that lead me to this point in my life.",I feel like I'm in a room between rooms,1 +533,"I have pitifully low inteligence and IQ. I'm ostracized from people outside of internet, as I never got friends since kindergarten- and it's mostly due to having LowIQ. <-This message took me 5 min to write, it's simple, but to me it takes longer to think/choose words/understand what I wrote/think what I want to write. I struggle with major depressive disorder, I dont discard others depression but by the look on social media, it seems everyone else at my age has gotten a snippet of how it feels to be a complete failiure, they still maintain to have proper hygiene (as they should) by time when elders taught them or self cleaning was their interests after stressful/depressing night, it seems that I'm fallen out of that area to be able to take care for myself. As I mentioned I have low IQ so job college is out of option, cooking for myself is out of option, I'm soon gonna have abscess tooth cuz of large sugar intake, sugary drinks juices, 4 to 5 cups of cofeee per day with 2 table spoon sugar intake. I've seen people who claim to have crippling level of depression while having well astounding life long achievements that didnt impact their regular life style such as washing themselfs brushing teeth wearing clean clothes, cleaning rook every kow and then, having friendships, having not lesser healthier life styles than me while going through ""their self proclaimed worse period of life"". When I show how fucked up I live how fucked up I'm gonna be in few years, nothing will yet better I cannot treat my depression, cannot afford therapy while they discuss which therapist will suit better for their problems after many failed connections and attemptsconnecting with the right therapist - all of those so happen to be highly inteligent people. Low IQ people dont matter, they will be thrown in special education classes later to be forgotten unlike gifted who get support from teachers from their parents, from therapist + they get to have friends who are relatable to their own level of inteligence while I was in special education, my gifted brother was getting free cookies, trips, skipping classes, more sleep. I had to be in the same cafeteria as him + my cousin was there so my familiy and relatives knew the whole ordeal of lonely me eating by myself while brother and cousins had friends to speak to. Even if I had companion to be with, I wouldnt have anything to say - cuz I'm dumb as fuck, I have no mental map,",Only high IQ gifted people get support,1 +534,I don't know what to make of it.,"I had a vivid dream today. I was on a high rise , I saw an opportunity and took it. As I was plummeting down, I had no regret. I knew that as soon as I hit the ground, my suffering will be over.",1 +535,I haven't felt anything in so long I don't remember what it feels like to be happy I don't even think I care anymore I don't feel like myself. I feel like a robot going through day by day I don't even have control of myself sometimes I just randomly regain my composure and I'm doing something I don't even remember doing. I don't even feel worried I just feel numb I don't want help I just wanted to kind of vent,I don't feel anything anymore,1 +536,"I'd like to stop trying, I want to just accept it and try to live with it, why can't I accept it?","Wanting to be more, failing every time",1 +537,Ive been stuck in another depressive episode for months now. My last one was 4 years ago and I really thought that’s the end of it. I don’t understand how I got here again. I can’t live like this and I’m lost on what to do. I’m just trying to exercise everyday but I feel awful.,Please help,1 +538,"Decided to use one of my many alt accounts and put it to work. My depression used to comes in waves and typically I could handle and channel it into art or music or something but recently this one I haven't been able to shake it and it's killed my productivity. I don't know really what set it off I never do. But in it I've realized alot about myself amongst other things which makes me feel worse. Ill go through some but this ones a biggie. For context I was dating a girl for a while (when it started i was like 15 and she was 18 going on 19) and she was allways emotionally abusive in some form but it all went down hill my junior year when I was 17 she started drinking more often and mixing her meds with it. Long story short she ghosted for like 3 or 4 months and when she did contact me it was pretty much to say she's dumping me and moving to Florida with a ""friend"" she met in college who I have on good report she was cheating on me with. I still haven't emotionally recovered from that mess every negative thing that happened to me has left me afraid of a repeat in my next relationship. Since then my life got worse year after year and it's only just starting to stabilize again. One of those years though has left me blaming myself for getting my grandmother sick during covid leading to her death in 2021. There where other horrible events that lead me to here and now. On new year I decided to try to recapture how I use when I was 15. I was relatively happy I had confidence and drive to try to reach my dreams and personal goals and I had friends and people that loved me. But I cant all those aspects of me just don't last each time I mange to reclaim somepart of my former self something happens to destroy it and leave me worse off. In my attempt to reclaim something I've realized how far I've fallen behind people I considered friends and looked up to. They have great jobs they're chasing their dreams forming families surviving on their own going to college and are making something of themselves and I'm still in our home town working at the local Casey's living in a spare room my stepfather and bio mother had no plans for. I'm not even sure they wanted me here they say they do but I know they didn't want a 20 year old moving inafter being kicked out. It's like no remnants of my former self exists if younger me could see me and realize how much I've changed for the worse he would beat me for wasting time and destroying what little attractiveness we had. I've always realized change was one of those things that are inevitable like death. I've always realized me from 6 years would be different from me now but I just always hoped it'd be for the better and not the worse possible thing to happen to me. The few people I've vented have always told me something about gods testing or he has a plan for me but fuck he must really despise me to make my grandfather (who I lived with from 1 to 20) an abusive drunk who loved yelling screaming and threatening me every chance he got till he kicked me out the day after Christmas put me in an abusive relationship let me get bullied horribly by almost everyone and take away one of the the few people I knew care for me and make her death be on my head. Change is a constant and I've been changed so much that in just I few years that I'm permanently altered and the realization that I can't go back has hurt me far worse then any person can. Sorry to subject you to my ramblings I remembered doing this used to help me and I was hoping it would again but it hasn't. + Sorry for the bother-Mr.E",I'm different now and it hurts,1 +539,i want to be a god. i wish i wasnt a humanand instead a god. someone to can live without any worry and i can just exist. i dont have to do anything and i can sleep for years if i want. i feel like theres a ticking timebomb in myn brain and once it stops ill explode. i dont want to grow up i wish i was still 12 i dont want to be an adult.,.,1 +540,"my moms parents died when she was a kid. i think my aunt blamed her for their death and abused her for it. they dont talk anymore. we live far away from any family that we have left and my dad refuses to believe i am his kid. im an only child have i feel so much pressure. im so jelousf of kids with siblings becuz if they fail they have a sibling to fall back on. i know that sounds selfish but thats how i feel. for a lot of my childhood we were homeless and that left me with a lot of unresloved trauma. ive been in and oout of therapy since i was 12but i still havent talked much about my childhood because i have this fear that my mom will be mad at me or they will be mean to my mom. i was molested? by a kid my age but everyone laughed it off beacause he was only one year older then me. i didnt want to but boys will be boys right? i want to die i dont want to be here but im forced to be. i want to sleep. im in so much pain i feel like a dumbass + +|||| +|:-|:-|:-| +||||",i hate being an only child,1 +541,"i (19f) feel like something is wrong with me i see myself zoning out when people talk to me, in groups, when i’m alone. i get up everyday follow my routine go to college talk to friends talk to family but honestly i’m just resisting the urge of not getting out of bed sometimes i have an urge to hurt myself so i go out for a run and leave that thoughts behind like everyday everyone just keeps asking me “why do i look so tired” “why am i so quite” “i look low” i am trying to make things with my ex better he’s the only person i’ve ever loved i really love him but we hang out and h keeps asking me “why am i so low” i just don’t know what to tell him. i wanna work stuff out with my ex i really do because i love him but i’m just not myself he the only person that makes me happy but i don’t wanna depend on him it’s like on the outside i look the same all smiling happy but the darkness hits me from inside. i hate what i’m doing to myself. i have my friends my boyfriend but i feel alone like i’m in a pit hole i created for myself and i wanna go inside it and hide. right now for me existing is taking so much energy it’s so exhausting i just wanna hide in my room and not get out. i really need help.",how do i tell my friends and family i need help,1 +542,"i try to live doing things i enjoy but deep inside i still want to leave and that makes trying to live hell + +if i explain really well to my family the reasons why i want to leave and that leaving will liberate me, would it be less painful for them knowing im not suffering anymore? + +theyre the main reason i havent done it yet",would it be less painful for them?,1 +543,"I am also a very isolated person. I’m a first year teacher; tomorrow is my formal, which is one of the most important days of the year for my career. I get evaluated on my performance. + +I’ve never missed a day of work until this month; I was so sick that I was sent to the ER. That was two weeks ago. Then I couldn’t chew, my wisdom teeth were gnawing at me, and the gum over the tooth got infected. Now I have a cold as well. + +Within this time, I’ve lost my gold chain, an invaluable item with massive sentimental value. I received it from my parents when I graduated from my masters. I wore it everywhere. + +I haven’t been sleeping. I’ve cut off the few friends I have entirely for weeks. My co-workers know something is off, but I put on a smile at work. + +I am absolutely broken. I’ve had close to no sleep these past few days. I’ve found no enjoyment in anything and have had no appetite. + +I haven’t been happy for years. I have isolated myself due to the pressures of work; and have lost a lot of friendships and relationships because of it. But these past few events have been stacking on and I don’t know if I can take this anymore. I have rigorously searched everywhere for this gold chain, but I think I’ve lost it at the gym or at the library on Monday. I’ve called both. + +My thoughts are everywhere, I apologize if this is not comprehensible. + +I’m been sad for months due to other things but it feels like I have a curse, or a bad omen following me this month. I don’t know what to do, or who to talk to. I can’t speak to my friends, it’s so embarrassing. My life feels like it’s been falling apart at a slow and steady pace and this is the huge finale.",I’ve recently lost an invaluable watch and gold chain that was passed down from my family. I’ve also been sick for a month.,1 +544,"I have a violet schizophrenic/autistic brother who SA me and almost killed me multiple times during rage or psychotic episodes. + +During these episodes, he would get violet in public. In middle school he had attacked the school cop, grabbed his gun, and tried to shoot at students leaving a school assembly. Lucky, the cop arrested him. After that, rumors started about me. I had left school for a year to deal with a serve kidney issue. Rumors came that I was in a mental hospital and no one would speak to me. + +Here is the thing: Both my parents are accomplished attorneys. They were able to have the charges dropped and he was home a year later. He would still hit me, strangle me, stab me. I had to sleep with a knife under my pillow because he would break in and watch me sleep while he spoke to voices in his head. + +A few years later he almost murderes my mom. He hit my mom with an iron bar over her head, one more hit and she would have been dead. Again, they played their cards and he was home within a year. I would state to my parents about the abuse, how I was scared for my life. + +They said I was overacting. Nothing was done to help me. I became so stressed and scared my awful father tried to put me in a group home because I said I didn't want to live there. Yet, the person who caused my distressed and harm was living at home and not in the mental institution. + +I spoke to my therapist about this. She said since I'm only in my early 20s I can still press criminal charges against him. I am broken. I want to press charges but my parents will shun me. My parents help me financial since I am unable to work because of my kidney and seizure disorder. I know they would leave me homeless or try to get back at me and charge me with a stupid crime. My father was able to lie to the police operator about my mom to have her arrested and institutionalized. + +I am terrified of my father, and my mom cares more about my brother than I. She knows he raped me and hurt me, but still demands I come to his birthday or she won't pay my rent. Also, he SA my mom multiple times while I was a teen. Yet, my mom says she stays with him for his money. She would tell me thus as a teen, which is so sick to involve a child when you are staying with him. + +I want to charge him so badly. My parents lied to me when I was a teenager when I wanted to go to the police. They said that the police won't help me. Finding our that my family lied to me, knew about the abuse, and now several years later learning he could have been charged is destroying me. + +I want to press charges. I have no money for an attorney. + +I'd lose everything, become homeless, my mom who is the only person I care about would never speak to me again. I am having horrible flashbacks. My therapist also stated that I should be ""proud"" that I havnt killed myself, since most others would have with what Ive been through. This is after she knew I had slit my throat at 18. + +I can't stop crying.",Found out I can press criminal charges against my childhood abuser: my mentally ill brother who attempted a school shooting,1 +545,"I’m 16 (barely lived I know) yet sometimes I feel as if I’ve endured too much. I’ve been laid off from two jobs and every day I just sit and procrastinate, I constantly miss deadlines for my assignments and when I do my dad gets upset and yells making me feel like the stupidest person to ever exist or my siblings crack in insensitive jokes that completely destroy my self esteem. My teachers constantly telling me that I’m behind my grade level or I’m not prepared enough for my senior year or that if I continue “on this route” I might have to retake a few classes. Even though this may sound like easy issues to some people, it really ruins me. Every night I cry and think about how terrible of a daughter or sister and student I must be or how retarded I am to be failing almost every class. Now the only thing I think about literally ending my own life because I just don’t care to exist anymore, even if I was doing good in school I’d just be on the road to living a typical boring life where I work at a job that I hate and suffer until I reach my death bed. A huge part of me just wants to end things now but for some reason I feel too scared. Idk but this was my little rant sorry if you came across it.",I’m so over it,1 +546,"First of all I don’t 100% believe in tarot reading. It usually just reads current energy but “future reading” is usually just for guidance and would change - afterall, our future ultimately depends on us and our actions. + +I am not clinically diagnosed as having depression (because of lack of funds) but I had a test last year from our office and I scored a level 4 in terms of depression. I guess that’s the most one can get. I think I got that score because because I scored a yes in terms of harming. I never really thought of committing suicide but sometimes I think of what if somewhere some truck would just hit my car and I’d be in a car accident. + +Going back to tarot reading. The reader never answered my question and it became a psychic read where in some spirit comes to talk to you. She asked about my dad… I said my dad had passed 15 years ago. She described how my dad is and telling me about my current situation, how I am carrying everything and I need someone to depend on and help me. This made me realize that as much as I have a close small group of friends, ones whom I trust - I really don’t have anyone that I can truly depend on 100%, like who can I ask money for should I get to an accident etc. none. My mom and my brother is there but I really don’t want them shouldering my problems. I also realized that I am not living for anyone… but why not live for myself? It’s just a problematic life and I honestly won’t mind if my life ends here. It made me realize those people with children having all the will to live because they need and have to… + +If you see me out, it looks like I’m living such a good life. I look good, I dress well, on weekend I go to brunches. I watch musicals, opera, attend art galleries and eat good food. I smile and I laugh - but I also don’t have money and I live paycheck to paycheck with lots of debts. I need to have a thyroid operation which my healthcard cannot pay for fully, so I will need to line up on a public government hospital. + +Last year I have a colleague who I used to be friends with. We drifted apart because of work which is okay with me because you won’t be friends for life with all of your friends, some friendships has an expiration date. That’s just reality but it seems like groupings have happened at work and it’s really annoying sometimes. In my head, that’s okay and I’ll just work. The friend I have in the office also just got retrenched. + +Something happened at work again today and as much as I say I dont care about it as long as I know I’m in the right then I don’t want to even think about it. But I cried and honestly, I just want to resign, lay in bed, look in the ceiling and have my thoughts run around. I thought about dying again BUT I can’t resign, because I dont have a dollar to my name and bills. I just need to tough it out until next year.",Realization after a tarot reading.,1 +547,i wanna die so badly. the only reason i havent jumped off a cliff is beacause im the only one my mom has. if i died she would be left all alone to mourn her dumb dead kid. i wish i was never born why am i so useless? ive realized that ive never really worked hard on anything. i always try to take the easy route. im homeschooled and i havent done any proper school work in a year. im extreamly behind in school and idk if ill be able to graduate. i want to sleep forever. i feel like time is passing too fast and i just want everything to slow down. i keep trying to catch up buti trip over my feet like a dumbass. i got a job and i cant evn save money. i spend it all once i get it and i cant stop. what can i do to make sure i dont end up leaving my mom behind?,a vent,1 +548,I called off work today. Just hitting extra hard today. I feel really sick and I’m in a really dark place. I don’t want to feel like this.,"I was sexually assaulted a week ago. I feel anxious, sad, and dreadful. Don’t want to leave my house or leave my bed",1 +549,"Ive been struggling with depression and anxiety for a good 10 years now, with the worst dip taking place a year back. Im slowly starting to get better but lately something weird has started happening. + +The worst part of depression for me is the sadness that I cant seem to shake. It’s not the normal kind of sadness, rather the romantic/heartbroken sadness. +I’ve not been in a relationship for a long time, and I’m not well enough to be in a relationship at the time. +I still talk to girls like I used to, but in a much more restricted way. +One person recently wrote to me and we started talking (nothing intense or anything). +When that person doesnt answer or say something I could interpret as something negative through mental parkour, +My heart breaks, I get the biggest pit in my stomach and I get completely engulfed in the sorrow. +This happened the very first day of us talking. +I am not in love with this person, we dont really know eachother, nothing has happened, i dont even know if what we’re doing has any romantic side to it at all. + +Most of the time I can understand why I feel the way I do, even if it’s mostly negative. But this anxiety-ridden pit in my stomach wont go away, and I cant reason with it. + +So I guess the TLDR; +I become unreasonably romantically attatched, after just a few words over text, which leads me to feel constantly heartbroken. + +Am I just lonely and I havnt realized it?",My feelings arent making sense anymore TLDR at bottom,1 +550,"My depression has gotten worse over the past few months. I’ve been a major disappointment to my family and it seems like no matter how hard I try, I’m not getting anywhere. I don’t like the thought of harming myself but I’m tired of this life. I can’t see myself living 30+ more years doing this. + +Anyway, I know I need help. I want to try getting on medication but I don’t have insurance. I’m poor af and don’t currently have a job even though for months I’ve been trying to find one that doesn’t cause me anxiety and pays decent enough (one of the main things that makes me a disappointment to my family). I want to know how do I go about finding free/low cost antidepressants and mental health facilities",I want to try one more thing before I say gg’s,1 +551,"I am just wasting my time. I have great difficulty learning new things and remembering stuff from recent memory. There's a point in time before which i remember everything, nearly 10 years ago. Now I just sot around , pretending to work",what better can I do with my time?,1 +552,"I don't know why but I just feel like I'm gonna get judged in some way, like if I'm gonna try and get help that I'll just be told some sorry excuse of a conclusion that they came to by looking at a piece of paper I had to fill out in the waiting room. + +The only way I can really describe it by is that I feel like I'm not good enough. It just makes me feel even more helpless than I already feel. +I know I'm probably overthinking this (which in itself is a whole other problem), but I can't stop myself.",Is it normal to be scared of getting help?,1 +553,"I just hate what my life has become, I remember being a happy kid and having goals for my life but everything went downhill since I was a teenager... I made mistakes and I hate my life now... I hate the decissions I've made why I have it so hard god",Been depressed since long time ago,1 +554,"You try so hard in life. So fucking hard and for what? To face rejection in every facet of life only to be teased and ultimately let down again and again and again. Why fucking bother? Even an eternity in whatever version of hell is real sounds better at least you know what to expect there. Fuck life, fuck people and fuck the instinctual desire for belonging because none of them have ever showed kindness to me without wanting tenfold back and not giving a minute to try to understand what someone goes through or how they feel time I return the favour by taking what some people are obligated to give a shit about. The state and the family do not love unconditionally",I'm worn out,1 +555,"or get in the boat or take a bicycle and just go, no matter where. I'm so stressed with my current life and it's killing me. Like depression makes existing hard in itself, but all this stress actually drives me to the edge of killing myself. The thought of just going wherever, not having to worry about anything is so soothing. Of course I probably won't ever do it, I'm just daydreaming, but thinking about this helps me relax a bit.",I want to get in the car and drive far away,1 +556,"on a work trip. got paid to sit in my hotel room all day. at night these thoughts overwhelm me. a few years ago i met somebody who changed the trajectory of my life. + +he was so beautiful. he had such a beautiful soul. he was so unlike me. i was obsessed with him. we even dated for a while. i made his life a living hell. i never treated anyone in my life as poorly and callously as i treated him. im sure if he stayed with he would've died. honestly he probably would've killed himself. he ghosted me. not a day goes by i dont think of him. i wish i could go back and fix things. and never say a word to him. i miss his face. i miss his voice. i miss his hair so much. im sure those are all long gone. as he transitioned more and more of what i fell in love with would fade away. i can't even imagine what he looks like now. + +its sad. the thing i miss most about him. is the way he tasted. what kind of human answer is that. im a monster. a devil. i would kiss him for hours. until his lips were bruised. i would take the anger i have for this life out on him. i could still hear him gasping for air. i look at my hands and wonder why. + +i've been depressed my entire life. it was cruel of me to spread it to him. he was an angel. and i set him on fire to keep me warm. im a walking black hole who tried to destroy him. but he survived. he has a pretty good life now it looks like, well, from the outside anyway. but my soul won't heal. and i can't forgive myself. and he never will. he never should. + +i can't care about anything anymore. my parents loved me so much. my friends and family too. but i can't feel it. i don't deserve it anyways. there's no reason why or how someone like me could be so evil. i feel like a murderer. this isn't depression. these are just consequences. you wouldn't say a murderer serving his sentence in prison, in solitary confinement, has depression. he's inhuman. he can't feel a thing.",im not even a person anymore. not sure i ever was,1 +557,"I learned this as a journalist covering suicide prevention groups. As a depressive I can tell you that suicidal thoughts and thoughts of dying are a symptom of depression, meaning our psyches are unwell. Normal function really seems to be about avoiding injury and death—self preservation. I haven’t killed myself because I have to try for everyone else who struggles, and because I have seen actual survivors who were glad they lived xo",Attempters are relieved when they fail to kill themselves,1 +558,"I want to be successful in my life . I want to teach, live abroad and anytime I'm asking for advice or talk about it people destroy me entirely. I don't get why they never want to see you shine",I hate how people are always so jealous and evil about your dreams. They bring me down,1 +559,I just need to rant real quick. Everything sucks. I’ve been stuck in dpdr for about 2 years now. It’s been bad but it’s gotten worse. My home life hasn’t been great for a while now. My parents have been fighting a lot and recently told me they were going to divorce soon. My sister constantly degrades everyone in the house and will sit around all day and refuse to go to school. My mom is having work trouble. And my dad has kinda been the punching bag of it all. Fighting and yelling has become a regular occurrence. I cant stand it. I’ve been trying to keep myself together and come off as calm so maybe some stress could be taken off of everyone but I’m actually falling apart inside. My theory is if they see that I’m calm they will have one less thing to worry about. I’m always anticipating the next fight between any of the three and it sucks. I actually feel a sense of relief at school because atleast I’m away from all this. But schools not any better. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I don’t see me I see a shell. I want to get out and run away from everything. Im only 15 so that’s not an option though. Nothing feels real and I just don’t want to be here anymore. I just feel stuck and I have no one to talk to. Every time I would try to talk to my mom about my dpdr she would say I’ve been looking at the internet too much. I don’t want to talk to her about it because im scared she’ll say that again or explode from all the stress. She also dumps all her work problems on me and that just adds to the stress. I’m just scared. I don’t want them to divorce. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don’t know how much longer I can hold it in. I was diagnosed with depression a couple years ago and have meds but I’m so tired and drained that I can’t remember to take them. I just don’t know what to do anymore.,I don’t recognize myself,1 +560,"Weed, snacks, falling asleep on the couch, not brushing my teeth or doing simple chores. Fun times being depressed and making my own life worse… anyone else?",Nightly routine,1 +561,"that’s kind of it? + +i’ve made a lot of discoveries about myself in the last few years and i’ve also had a lot of unfortunate things pop up, and while i don’t actively want to die, i can say with certainty that life almost never feels worth it anymore. i wish i could go back to when i was depressed but still had structure to fall back on to and things to be excited about.. to when i was just a kid and didn’t know/think so much. now i just can’t seem to get and keep a hold on anything. i don’t want anything for myself, not anything that’s within reach at least. i feel so alone. + +life is so tedious and adulthood depression is a different beast.",life doesn’t feel worth it,1 +562,"I started developing fears, first I got really claustrophobic to the point where my dad exchanged an RV we bought because I couldn't sleep in the bunk beds due to panic attacks (there were also other reasons for the exchange, main ones being the need for more space and storage), and now, I've developed a fear of the dark. + +I got used to just leaving the light on in the hallway if I got too scared, but today, I went to bed without the light, and looked out of my door (I'm used to sleeping with it open), and saw these stick figures and I'm telling you it scared the shit out of me, I literally felt my heart drop (thankfully, it stoped after a few seconds of terror, turning on my phones flashlight pretty much saved me). Now that I'm thinking about it, it might be due to the fact that I haven't slept in 36 hours. But ultimately, I feel like living is hard enough without me being constantly in fear of things that I know aren't real but my stupid brain still won't let go of. + +Also, my doctors know I'm not taking my meds anymore, it was my doctors plan to get me off them slowly, I just kinda skipped the whole getting off your meds slowly part and went cold turkey. + +I guess I just needed to vent.",Ever since I got off my meds...,1 +563,"In what world is this worth it? Slowly sinking in to poverty and being told ""just try harder"". I am legitimately angry with myself for not being brave enough to kill myself. I hate it here. Life is a joke. I hope every night to die in my sleep and wake up disappointed. I'm so fucking tired. This is all for nothing.",Truly not sure how much more I can take,1 +564,"I’m 17 years old and I feel so lost, confused and like a major failure. A little backstory… I graduated Highschool at age 15, took an 8 month break before starting with university and when I started I had to move to new country and manage everything by myself at 16, I started slacking ever since I had arrived tbh I barely did my work cause I had no clue where to start or what to do but whenever I had an understanding of the work and what to do, Id get really proud of my outcome but moving on from that i was barely attending my lectures and doing anything by the end of the year so I had failed my first year, I wasn’t very proud of myself however I did it to myself so I had to accept and move on from it and figure out how to do better, I’m now 17 repeating my first year and classes have in the beginning of this month and I feel like it’s almost the same thing as last year. I’ll be turning 18 in a few months and I feel like a shit human and I actually am trying but I just don’t know what to do with myself… if you’ve ever felt like this and had gotten thru it please give me advices",I feel really lost,1 +565,"I don’t feel love and affection from others anymore. Before, I could talk to girls I was interested in and enjoy it. Now I feel nothing but boredom and apathy when it comes to romance. I dont get it. Makes me think ill be alone 4eva.",Why can’t I feel anymore?,1 +566,"IF U REACH OUT TO SOMEONE TRYING TO HELP, DO NOT COMPARE THE SEVERITY OF YOURS AND THEIR MENTAL ISSUES. OFFER THEM GENUINE SUPPORT.",wow.,1 +567,"I really wish there was a way to make quick money without working or having a business. Because with those, you still have to wait for payment even in emergency situations. With loan companies, they either deny you or take you through a million applications just to steal your info. I’m tired of living this hard life",I’m tired of being a broke girl,1 +568,"This time I made myself sad because my roommates dog wanted to play. I started doing a tug of war with him with a rope, and suddenly lost all heart because I knew I wasnt going to get my fat ass out of the chair to play with him. He'd only get an arms length of attention. So I dropped the rope and he just looked at me, and then left. + +Why is it all I'm wiling to do is sit around and feel sorry for myself? The only thing I can feel... Is sorry for myself.",Not willing to expend any effort for anything.,1 +569,"So tired of being stuck in depression limbo, bored to tears and no will to do anything",Thinking of committing myself to the hospital because of boredom,1 +570,How do you handle when you’re trying so hard not to let your teenager’s depression get to you when you’re also depressed? How do you not fall apart and give up?,Falling apart,1 +571,I honestly am about to kill myself. I just don’t care anymore and don’t want to breathe. I just want to feel pain. There’s nothing here for me anymore. I don’t care what anyone says.,I don’t care,1 +572,"I’ve been through a lot in my 23 years of life. Things never really made sense to me. In 7th grade I told my mother I didn’t want to be alive anymore. She found a therapist and I started medication for ADD. It helped, and I continued taking it until I graduated in 2017. My freshman year, my friend had committed suicide. It never really hit me until his funeral. Where I promised to myself to never cause that much pain to the people that love me. I swore that day I would never commit suicide while I still have friends and family that love me. Just so I could never cause them that much pain. But I’ve realized something changed in me or rather, hasn’t changed in me since that day. I’m not living for me. I haven’t been living for me in such a long time. I’ve only ever lived for the people I care about. Recently my 8 year long relationship came to an end. I tell myself it’s for the best. That I couldn’t treat her right anymore. That we grew apart. But she understood sadness and depression. She lived with it for all of her life. And I failed her by letting my resentment of our relationship get the better of me. I’m proud she was able to leave me. I couldn’t ever leave her, I wasn’t strong enough. So now I’m left with the realization. I have been living my life 3 months at a time. Never looking further because I feel that I will be dead by next year. Feeling like it doesn’t matter what I do. I’ve set myself goals and I’m getting therapy for the first time in over a decade. But I can’t shake the feeling of failure. The feeling that, no matter what I do, it won’t matter. Because I’ve masked this feeling since I was young. Because I believed the lie I was telling everyone. And now that lie is witness to the world. So my question is, Is anyone truly happy? Is anyone actually happy? Because for me, happiness was chasing a feeling of being wanted, being appreciated, respected. I could only catch small instances of it. So now I ask, how do I become happy again? + +TL:DR- Is anyone really happy? Can I feel happiness again? How do I be happy?",I just have some questions.,1 +573,I feel like I am living in a loop I have no friends all I do in life is do things I am supposed to do and cry myself to sleep I thought going to the gymwould make me happier but it got fuckin worse the only difference is I became physically healthy and mentally ill.,Loop,1 +574,Fuck human nature. Why does my pathetic brain care so much about what people think of me. I've been lonely most of my life and it can be comfortable at times but i can never be whole for as long as i have to deal with this.,i dont want to have this desire to want people to care for me,1 +575,"Used to be able to find the good in the day, now I just wait to go to bed in a house by myself",I can’t seem to have a good day anymore,1 +576,"It sucks being mentally retarded there's nothing your good at,your life has no value and you're incapable of learning.Your brain is useless and doesn't operate how it's supposed to.",I didn't choose to be born,1 +577,"Because I am trying to not think about all the negative things that I am going through and as soon as someone asks me this question, it reminds me that things are not okay and I get sad. + +Not only that, but 9/10 times, people ask this question because it became a habit and not because they ACTUALLY care how you are. It has become just an addition or an alternative to ""hello"". I only ask people how they are if they seem to not be in a good mood and I would actually care to find out what's wrong. Someone might say ""what if they may not seem sad but still have something wrong with them?"" Then that most likely means that they are hiding it and that they would rather not talk about it (like many of us). + +I always say that I am fine just because I don't want to explain to them my issues because they would not understand at all and I know this because I have tried this MANY times. + +I believe many people here also feel the same or at least something similar to this.",I don’t like it when people ask me how I am,1 +578,"You go out into the world because you have to. You spend the whole day trying to muster the energy to be social and push past your social anxiety. You know you still don't have the sufficient social skills or enthusiasm about life necessary to be attractive to women, but you persist with this life anyways, trying to learn what you can from the men you see around you who seem happy, able to confidently express themselves, who bring good vibes, who have something to say, and are interesting. And then inevtiably you look at where you are in life. What you know, what you are like. You are trying to change, but it's not working really. You try to have a real interest and love for things in this world, but it is not coming naturally. Due to whatever mental or developmental reason you constantly forget about the things you try to learn about. Moat of your brainpower is being used trying your hardest to be socially acceptable and not seen as an awkward teenager in an adult's body. Constantly thinking about self presentation and body language, always knowing that it is your outward presentation that largely impacts your opportunities in life. + +And at the end of the work day you come home. You are exaughsted, but your job doesn't pay well. So you are supposed to use the time after work to study and work towards a better future. But you feel beaten down and tired when you get home. You can barely muster the energy to work out. If you do, it takes forever because you are tired and you can't focus. And if you are me, a day spent among the socially competent and likable is enough to send you into a negative thought spiral. Googling about how to improve social skills, feeling tired when you read about what you have to do. You are already tired. It is a compounding tiredness. You know it isn't your sleep or your diet. Both of those are in check. It's just life. A life that you are having trouble with feeling enthusiastic about in the first place. + +Every day, the nagging thought that you will always be alone is ever present in the back of your mind. You can't stop thinking about those women who you did not have a choice but be attracted to romantically. Not in a very heavy way. They were just someone you actually wanted to shoot your shot with. And you know you failed with these women. And during the time you knew them, you sat and watched as the aforementioned likable, charismatic men of the world easily swooned them, entertained them, freely loved them, and their love was accepted. And you look at that and see that you are not like them. You will never be like those men. You can try every day to painstakingly get there. + +You can try as hard as you can to relax and be a fun person to be around, but you never quite reach that state of being. You often wonder if you are not mentally/cognitively capable of being like those men. And you realize that all of this is making you tired still. In addition to feeling essentially doomed to be alone in this world, you are confronted with it's relentless challenges, and you wonder, what is the point of it all? Is this life worth living? Is there a reason to smile when you are the kind of person that you are in this world, and you can't seem to really change despite your absolute best effort, which you painstakingly put in every day, only to return to the same sad, tired state at the end of the day? It's difficult to get excited for life, when you feel socially incapable and generally unlovable. When you feel unable to bring value to other people as a friend, as a companion. + +Another day wasted. A day of work is to be followed by a day of work towards a better life, for which there doesn't seem to be any energy. My mind is tortured with the thought that I am not fundamentally a good enough person to be with. This thought never goes away. I will always be alone.",Life makes me feel so tired,1 +579,"I was talking to an acquaintance about my new job. I talked about how I enjoyed it and I seemed to be good at it. I started to feel self-conscious because I thought I was bragging, but at the end she told me not to be so hard on myself, and that I should have more confidence. Has anyone else had an experience where they thought they were too confident, but it turns out they weren't confident enough?",Lmk if you can relate,1 +580,"I feel as if I am nothing more than a general nuisance to people. I say this because I had a falling out with someone that I once considered to be my best friend while we were both away at college last fall. I've known this young lady since high school, and I had a lot of trouble trying to make connections and new friends, and thus she was the only person I really had up there because I was so lonely. She felt that I wasn't giving her any space and that I was too intrusive, and as a result it feels like she wants nothing to do with me anymore. Sometimes, I question if she really wanted me around. I remember during her birthday last year, she had a bit of a celebration and I only found out because her then boyfriend posted it on Instagram. I felt left out. She said that she didn't want a large group and thus only invited people her parents didn't know, and planned on celebrating separately with people they already knew. When we did just that, she texted me two minutes before I was supposed to have her up that she was at a pizza party and would be running late. She did not show for another two hours. This past month, I've tried to reach out to her in an attempt to make amends, she barely responds to me. I asked if we could be able to talk in person, over face time or over the phone but I get no response. Because she seldom responds, I feel I have to start the conversation all over again. It's stressful, and it hurts my feelings. + +Meanwhile, before I went up to college, I worked as a lunch monitor at one of my local elementary schools. This was immediately after I finished high school. While I loved working with the children, I had some problems there. Some of the kids were defiant, and very stubborn in their defiance. In the months before I went off to college, I tried to start a bowling club, but most of the kids would not even listen me and would just rough house and fool around. But the worst part was the treatment I was received from two separate staff members. During the 2020-21 school year, when I started working at the school, lunch was held in the classrooms and not the cafeteria. In the Kindergarten classroom I worked in, there was a young boy who had trouble remaining seated, and the teacher got angry with me. For two whole months, she would scream at me, calling me ""irresponsible"", complaining about ""how I can't be trusted"" and how I must be ""firm"". When I decided to be firm, which was what she wanted, she had another adult in the room at times while I was there. If she felt I was doing something wrong, why can't she treat me like a normal human being? Apparently, she would go around and tell other people that she has to yell at me. I filed a complaint against her to human resources, and apparently they felt she did nothing wrong.",I feel like a nuisance,1 +581,"Hello everyone, I'm slowly losing touch with reality. I don't know if it's important, but I've been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety since 2018, when I was hospitalized for six months due to burnout. Since then, I don't know if I'm truly happy or just pretending unconsciously. I started dating my boyfriend in 2019, but we broke up in late 2021 when he cheated on me with my best friend's ex-girlfriend. It was the first time I lost control over my actions and thoughts. I was sometimes treated as the perpetrator, even though I was just existing. In that state, I stopped eating and felt no energy to nourish my body, and even when I tried, I couldn't. I was on the brink of doing something stupid, fully aware of how foolish it was. Thankfully, I ended the relationship. I distracted myself with friends, some of whom were also going through breakups. I learned that alcohol could help me cope with my social anxiety, at least for a few hours, where I could enjoy the happy feelings without overthinking. I did this for about 10 months almost every weekend with friends, and it helped me try new things and gain new experiences. However, I always had a nagging feeling that grew into a thought. As I try to be the motivator in the group and the ""funny person,"" I feel like my problems are underestimated externally, and I'm becoming lonelier each week. I realize that I couldn't confide in anyone with all my thoughts. I always talked about my problems objectively but never let myself break down because I felt it would be too exaggerated and too intense. Now that I miss those weekends, I feel more isolated every week. I also have other things that bother me at home, making it hard to feel comfortable. My parents also only understand depression as a common cold that should be cured after hospitalization. I don't know what to do anymore; I feel like a stone.",Never talked to somebody,1 +582,"I've been seeing this person for about 5 months and until recently everything seemed to be going really well between us. We texted most days and hung out around 2 times a week on average which felt like a lot considering their time off and energy levels. About a month and a half ago they told me they were having a depressive episode. I've never had a partner with chronic depression and was pretty ignorant to what it can do so I was taken by surprise when they started ghosting me about a week ago. It was very abrupt and everything seemed to be going really well until then. Since then I've tried my best to learn up and it and it seems like this kind of thing is pretty common among people with chronic depression, especially those who've had a long history of partners who do not react well to their depression. + + +Normally, I would not tolerate someone ghosting me, but reflecting back on everything they've told me about their depression and how they're dealing with it made me realize how much effort they put into trying to address their depression and maintain a relationship in spite of it. They've confided in me a lot of trauma they've had to deal with in their life and the type of thoughts they struggle with. Last time we hung out in person I could tell they'd been really struggling with some of those traumatic events recently. Even during this episode they had some pretty traumatic events happen back to back but still made an effort to hangout and talk to me with everything extra they were now having to deal with. + + +I would like to make an effort to keep contact with them for a reasonable amount of time and hopefully get back to how we were before the depression got this bad. The ghosting still hurts, and it's totally possible that they are just being a bad person and not telling me they don't want to see me anymore, but after researching it and talking about it in therapy and with some of my friends who deal with depression I think it's more likely they're pulling away due to the depression. + + +Over the past week I sent two messages trying to be supportive and let them know that I respect their space and want to interact with them in any small way they want. However, I've learned that these longer texts (more than a couple sentences) can be harder for a person going through a depressive episode to respond to and might make them feel worse for not responding. Definitely don't thing the messages were bad or anything and the people I shared them with agreed, but it looks like going forward I should keep messages shorter and easier to respond to with an emoji or maybe even a small response. + + +Given all this, I'd just like some advice from those also struggling with chronic depression about how you'd like a partner who you've been seeing for as long as I've been seeing mine to communicate with you during situations like this. My current plan is to keep going with my life, but text them again a week from now and maybe continue doing that for 2-3 months or until they tell me to stop. I don't want them to feel overloaded with my messages and push them away but I do want to keep the idea in their head that I'm still here and want to be with them. Thank you all in advance!","Partner with chronic depression started ghosting me, seeking advice",1 +583,"I can't quite describe the exact feeling, but it's like an infinity engine. I feel sad, my stomach starts roiling, I continue to feel awful. I don't know what's worse, the physical symptoms or the mental ones.",Depression Killing my Stomach,1 +584,"I had everything. Some friends, i still went to school, a good job, a family that loved me. +And now what do i got? Nothing. I tried, i really did but in the end i menaged to lose everything.",I had everything i could ask for,1 +585,"I’m just tired of being alive I’m dealing with so much shit at a young age I don’t know how I can live like this it all started when me and my ex broke up .I figured out I had chlamydia which turned into reactive arthritis because it was left untreated for so long before that though I was diagnosed with gerd which messes with me sometimes and then not too long after the breakup I hit a dab and got nerve damage in both my feet and hands.at one point I couldn’t feel my legs or hands for a week and I still don’t know what I have.I have mouth ulcers that won’t go away,I’m too depressed to even shower or just take care of myself hygiene wise,I believe the chlamydia was left untreated so long it caused permanent fertility issues so idk if I’ll be able to have kids in the future or if I even want any because I can’t trust another female and time and time again my doctors kept telling me I didn’t have autoimmune issues yet I get nerve damage from hitting a dab like wtf,I had dreads but they started to thin and fall out so now my self esteem is at rock bottom especially after my ex left and I still think about her till this day and don’t think I’ll ever get over her and all the long term illnesses/diseases I’m dealing with I don’t think I’ll ever get over those and I’m only 18.does anybody have any possible advice they can give me because I’m seriously just thinking about unaliving myself like no one understands the constant turmoil I go through on a daily basis I need some help:(",Don’t wanna be alive anymore,1 +586,"Ive recently moved to another country and i’ve been really upset about it, I have to go to a new school, and that new school has very little natural sunlight, it’s almost.. gray. I don’t know how to explain it, compared to my older school it was really bright and pretty, this new school just makes me have so much negative thoughts for whatever reason, it’s just so.. visually unpleasant, dull and gray, it just makes me so weirdly sad to be there. Does anyone know if this is normal..?",Darker or greyer places makes me get sad,1 +587,The slightest inconvenience will send me into a negative spiral. I am so incredibly weak. I don’t know what to do,Why cant I handle literally fucking anything?,1 +588,"Hi I’m 18f , I’ve been downl for a long time . I’ve never actually been diagnosed with depression but professionals have said I show severe signs of it . Although the last time was a while ago. I see a therapist every few weeks . But I can never get across things properly when I see her and she tends to talk more about herself . + +I have these episodes where I am so so upset and only the one family member I live with has seen this. It’s pent up frustration and sadness with my life. I know this sounds absurd but I’ll pull my own hair . Hit myself . I have massive bruises all over my legs currently because I was hitting myself. I feel crazy after and think wtf is wrong with me but in that moment I absolutely can’t describe the feelings . It’s just absolutely frustration with my life. + +I’m so lonely . I regret with all my heart not going to university last September like everyone else did . Working part time since then was ok but I have no friends anymore and the ones from school were horrible to me. Now I have no one . Loneliness is a bitch and I can’t describe how stuck and trapped I feel. + + +I used to self harm with razors but I stopped idk how but I did, and I feel tempted to relapse but now I resort to hitting myself and scratching myself I wish I could get help but idk what anyone is supposed to do I’m trying to get on antidepressants that my therapist suggested but idk if it’ll help . Am I the only one who does this ? Or am I rlly just messed up",I hit myself when I’m upset,1 +589,the fact that there are people who are motivated and passionate about stuff feels so alien to me. Any one else think this way?,motivation,1 +590,"I often feel if I could accept my depression that I wouldn’t struggle as much as I do. I wonder if the fight and the hope, however dim that light might be, are the reasons why I can’t seem to shake the bone crushing sadness. It’s so PHYSICALLY uncomfortable now. + +I haven’t handled becoming a full time caregiver to my very sick wife well. I haven’t grieved having to walk away from the work I love to do so. I haven’t managed to find any peace with the idea that I might never know physical or sexual intimacy ever again. + +My depression, anxiety, agoraphobia all pre-date these turns of events, but the way they’ve been amplified and my inability to effectively cope has caused me a shit ton of distress. I find that I tend to isolate even more than usual because I genuinely can’t imagine anyone wants to spend time or energy on someone with such a low self esteem. I have tried to take steps towards combatting the loneliness, but every time I get close to breaking the cycle I’ve created for myself, I run away and hide. I do wonder if this is because I know I can’t handle another heartbreak or rejection and so I’ve subconsciously determined the risks are too high, that connection with anyone else could push me over what it already a precarious cliff. + +I just want safe connection. Someone who knows what and who I am going in and accepts the subsequent ups and downs while remaining as committed to my well being as I would be to theirs. + +I come here and post sometimes, but nothing much comes of it. I guess I hope that one day the right person will see my post at the right time and the universe will connect two lost souls so we can help each other navigate out of the hell that is depression. + +Is that you? Please feel free to send me a message. If you have the same fears that I do, I promise you that I will work to ensure we have a safe space to talk, to figure out, to grow…I dunno…is this all wishful thinking? I guess I want something more tangible to cling to…",Can’t even resign myself to the fact that this is my life…,1 +591,I feel like my life is falling apart. My relationship just ended and my belongings are stranded in that persons house. I just left a job that I loved as I had no future there. I have literally no money. My meds are completely not working and the new stuff I tried made me sick and wanting to hurt myself. I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t pull myself up.,Feeling like a failure,1 +592,"The story of these 30 years of my existence is a long one. I’ve been loved, have loved back, and have experienced happiness and joy countless times. I am grateful for that. But now I must go, for my suffering has become too much to bear.","It’s over. Im going to die soon. I don’t know how, but I can just feel it",1 +593,Everything is as fine as its going to get. I just want to go home and blow my motherfucking brains out.,I'm just tired. I want to die.,1 +594,"I've been trying to get back to work again because it seems my severe depression and anxiety won't go away and there is only so much medication and therapy can help me. Of course, I haven't tried every kind of therapy but what had been offered to me at low cost. But I've tried many medications. + +Anyhow, I feel very frustrated because after trying couple of online part time jobs (like writing marketing stuff on websites) and finding myself not motivated enough to work sufficient hours to make ends meet, I'm trying to start from zero again and do some career tests to find what motivates me. But those tests don't offer some magical information but just rely on what you're passionate about. Like they give you 50 questions and ask you how much you like doing different activities, like installing cabinets, diagnosing disease in people, giving financial advice to someone wanting to get a loan, helping a disabled person get dressed, playing a musical instrument in front of an audience, taking care of sick animals, etc etc etc. + +I hate them ALL! None of these activities excite me. Because having a job is always about what others expect of you. But mental illness sucks so much of your energy that there is so little left for the job. + +Like if I'm a cashier, my high anxiety and depression and the various thoughts and emotions and physical symptoms I experience will take so much of my energy to control and nothing left to put on a smile and make a customer feel welcome and at the same time do my job of scanning items very quickly and correctly. + +That's why I've been trying to find jobs that are just online and things I can do on my own time, so that whenever the damned mental health issues give me a break then I can do the job. The problem is there are too many people doing these jobs and they pay so little that I've had to start looking at other options. + +Damn it, I don't know what I want to hear from you, to be honest, I mean I already am so filled with self-hatred and hatred for the world, I am working myself into anger just writing about it.","I find it so frustrating as a highly anxious and depressed person to do career tests because they rely on your passion for specific activities and I find myself answering ""I dislike it very much"" to the various questions (e.g,. working in construction, healthcare, finance, whatever).",1 +595,"I have been dealing with some difficult things lately and have recently tried to get my meds increased, but long story short, doctors suck and they wouldn't talk to me about my meds. + +Anywho, I also just lost my best friend of 7 years tonight over some religious beliefs that I hold. I don't really understand why, especially since they weren't things I even brought up often unless asked, never delved into unless asked. Whatever, because regardless I am having suicidal ideation (although I am not actually considering suicide), and am feeling a strong urge to self harm again for the first time in years. How likely is it that getting myself committed would help the situation? + +For context, I have called hotlines in the past and their methods make me feel worse. Do mental hospitals take a similar approach? What have your experiences been? I am a hospice CNA and would prefer not to have to take time off work if I can help it as well as I have 20+ patients that need me.",Trying to decide whether to get committed,1 +596,"I can’t stand being sober. My thoughts and feelings consume me with every waking moment and they infiltrate my dreams. I finally got out of the abusive household that was killing me. I have a fantastic remote job that pays well. I have a full scholarship to college, I’m not paying a dime back in student loans. I have a girlfriend who loves me and cares about me. I have physical freedom, calmness, peace and serenity. + +My girlfriend recently called me a 24-hour-job. My career sucks the soul out of my body. I am self-supporting, which means I have to work full-time and maintain excellent grades in my honors university classes. I don’t have a moment to breathe, I wake up in a frenzy during the night, and I just relapsed after 2 years of sobriety because I couldn’t take it anymore. I have no other friends, nobody to call when I need help. I’m a social outcast because I spend so much time working and doing homework that I have no time or energy to form new social connections. + +I’m suicidal because I think I’m broken beyond repair. There’s no sense in crying over spilled milk, but I re-live trauma from my past over and over again. My parents use me as their trophy child, therapist, and emotional punching bag. My girlfriend uses me for validation and money. I’m weird and unlikeable. + +The only way out for me is death. No matter how much I achieve or where I re-locate, I take my broken brain and personality with me.",Why the fuck am I so fucking depressed,1 +597,I have people I can reach out to right now. But I’m not going to. I’m so terrified of being a burden. Yadda yadda yadda that’s what support is but I refuse to be that person that drags people down. I’ve seen how ugly it can get. How it destroys the people that want to help you to. They’re better off without me,What is the point of a support system,1 +598,"I am currently taking a lot of psych meds fro treatment-resistant depression, I feel so sleepy all day, I literally fall asleep again and again, even though I sleep the whole night. Stimulants like coffee, make me even more sleepy, I don't know what to do. My exam is almost here, I don't want to fall asleep in the middle of it. I am tired of this. + +My meds are: + +Bupropion 300mg + +Venalafixine 150 mg + +Lamotrigine 200 mg + +Paroxitine 50 mg","Please help me out. Feeling tired, even with coffee",1 +599,"Being alive feels like a punishment and being ""ugly"" just makes it worse. I feel like I've committed a grave sin just for looking the way I do. + +I feel like such a fuck up right now. My social anxiety just keeps getting worst and it's even worse when I go out in public and I keep thinking about all the mistakes that I've made and how I'm seen as less than everybody. + +I hate my fucking self rn. I hate my fucking face and my life and just every fucking thing about me. I hate that I'm mentally unstable and... + +I'm so tired. I really don't want to die but I don't want to really be here. I wish I could restart my life and make better choices. Maybe things would be better for me rn. + +I hate that I expect myself to be perfect 24/7 and then get all frustrated when I can't meet those expectations and just beat myself up.",Is this really my life?,1 +600,I don't want to feel like this forever,Is psychomotor retardation fixable,1 +601,"I'm 21 .. and recently I've been very anxious and depressed, maybe because I overthink all the things.. +But recently my gf and I broke up .. she told me that I have to deal with my shit to be better person .. 2 days later she texts me saying she was wrong .. and I forgive her .. she told me that the real reason that she broke up with me was because ""I made cry"" her bff.. but it turns out that I never did that .. it was and old coworker that talked shit about me .. I thought that with that clear everything would be good, but the last 2 days she's been so cold, ignoring my messages and all those days she went back where we used to work (with tye coworker that talks shit about me) and .. I don't know, maybe he's telling more shit about me .. maybe that's the reason she's been so cold .. maybe I don't deserve her .. I just .. don't know, my anxiety is killing me .. and I just don't know what to do ..",I just don't know what to do,1 +602,"This is probably ridiculous but I'm curious. Any goths/emos/metal heads find a treatment for depression that works for you and still stay emo? Or did your asthetics/music choices change when your depression symptoms were relieved? I'm a metal head, grew up emo/punk. It's my biggest personality trait and music is my main hobby/passion. It's the biggest thing holding me back from getting treatment, which I know sounds ridiculous but I don't want to lose this part of myself.",Goths/emos now on medication,1 +603,"I was told I was too empathic, but also selfish and a piece of shit. I was told I'm too giving, but also self-centered. I just can't stop caring. I know that for a fact. But I can't stop being a dick and messing up, it's something I have no control over, I'm drowning into these voices and things people tell me I am or I'm not. I'm not a good person, but I'm also not bad but I need somebody to save me. Therapy won't save me, my non existent friends won't save me so now what? I can't stop caring. Whether it is what you say or other people say. I just can't stop caring, taking other people's shit with me like it's my personal baggage, I just can't stop caring. For or about others.",I can't stop caring,1 +604,"The door snapped off the hinges after like 10 seconds, I was totally ready to accept defeat and yet here I am. I should have tightened them first.",I Tried To Hang Myself Last Night,1 +605,"I'm so tired. I hate working and I hate how little im paid. I can't even afford rent let alone my own home or even food. +Everyone wants me to do this or that and I can't. I'm so tired of not being able to afford even the simplest of things. +Why is it so hard to just get a good paying job let alone survive.",How do you keep going?,1 +606,"Basically I don't feel very smart or that my brain functions as well as it should and so I eventually was able to get a neuropych evaluation. The results were that my scores were generally low overall but they said ""depression/anxiety"" is what could be causing this. That was kind of a bummer to hear since I feel my life is extremely laid back and I don't feel depressed but somehow I'm supposed to be smarter with the help of therapy? Does this make sense to anyone? + + +To add to that, I'm not currently working but one recommendation is to find purpose through work. But when I was working, making good money, and in an environment I seemed to really enjoy, I still felt just about the same smarts-wise.","Has anyone firsthand experienced being ""smarter"" by bettering their physical health and going to therapy?",1 +607,"I am barely holding on. The sadness, loneliness, depression, anxiety and grief is just too much to handle. I can’t take it.",It’s hitting me so hard,1 +608,"Most of the time I don’t feel any kind of suffering, i just feel like nothing is ever going to make me happy and like the future holds nothing for me. I’m so used to it at this point i feel almost nothing from the thoughts. I’m so irritable and sensitive now I can’t even talk to my friends like i used to. I always just thought this was normal or just part of me but I was diagnosed with Severe depression recently and Its just so depressing to think about the future. Like no amount of success or money or anything would bring me happiness lmao. + +I really am just hoping it gets better for me. I wanna be happy.",Anyone else relate to this,1 +609,"Yup, that’s right. Depression is my only friend. It’s so great to feel so unwanted, insecure, hopeless, lonely, guilty, anxious, fatigued, and emotionally unstable. Depression is my bestest friend in the whole wide fucking world. I love it so much. It’s so great, it’s the best thing that has ever happened in my useless pathetic, existence. Yeah, it’s so great! I HATE my FUCKING life, I just want to die.",Depression is my only “friend”,1 +610,"Im so fucking sick of all of this shit tbh. And i dont wanna hear “It gets better!” Because it doesn’t. Ever since ive moved to a new city its been back to back dog shit. I got bullied, lost all of my friends in my old city, lost more friends that i made, and ive never been able to make a decent friendship. I used to think it was funny how i would always meet with the wrong people. I would joke with my cousins about it. Well im +sick of it now. Im sick of being the only one in the family with no friends. Even my deadbeat brothers have friends. I have only my cousins. And trust me i value them. But do u know how much it hurts to be on the phone with them but theyre also on the phone with their friends too? Im sick. Im also sick of liking girls. I am a girl but i dont like boys. Im tired of hearing my mom want grankids or for me to have a husband even though ive shown no interest for guys or children at all in my fucking life. I was also depressed this entire month EXCEPT my birthday and after that and i came home (because i went to miami) i got severly depressed AGAIN. i even tried to cut myself just to feel something but got scared. I ended up just deleting all my social media and going on dnd. I just wanna die. I never asked to feel all these emotions. I also hate achool. I cant hqve my phone, cant wear the clothes i like, and i do unnecessary work that wont matter in the long run, im sick of everything: i wish i could just stay home and rot in my sleep. But everytime i just keep waking up and having to repeat the same shitty day again. Wake up-school-walk dogs-sleep-repeat. This will never end.",16 and depressed. What am i doing wrong lol,1 +611,"I literally just don’t care about anything. Nothing gets me excited or happy. For example I used to be obsessed with the beach. Only got to go a few times. Last time I went I tried so hard to get myself excited but I just didn’t care, nothing felt different I was just in a different place. Time before that I physically couldn’t sleep and I was SO excited and when we got there it’s like I was so happy it was this magical amazing place. It doesn’t matter what it is. Fairs, reading, a new game that comes out, days off. Nothing is happy or fun or interesting. Everything just feels the same and it’s so empty. I haven’t felt genuine happiness in over 2 years (and even that was only temporary when I was with my then boyfriend) and I’m so scared I might never again.",How can I make myself interested in life?,1 +612,I feel like I don’t matter. There’s a lot of sadness here and there too. idk.. I don’t see myself hanging in there for any longer. I guess I’m just tired of people hurting me mentally and projecting their ageism onto me because I’m a 27F. I don’t even think that’s old? Everyone is just weird nowadays but I try not to let it get to me.,I kind of feel like not being here.,1 +613,"I’m going to keep this short because I’m having a mental breakdown right now so it takes tons of energy to type. So basically I’m a guy and I’m 4’11.5 which is one of two things that make me the most suicidal. I can’t accept that I’m always going to look ridiculous no matter where I go. I’m going to have to move to East Timor or something (country with the shortest people) when all my life, I’ve wanted to move to Italy. I just don’t know what to do. I would give anything to be even 5’3. That’s why it pisses me off so much when I see guys who are 5’8, complaining about how they’re not 6’0 or taller. I should’ve killed myself years ago cause leg lengthening surgery is quite dangerous and that still wouldn’t make me tall enough to be taken seriously.",Should I hibernate for the rest of my life?,1 +614,"So I enjoy journaling for a few different reasons, and as I continue to do it, and get better at it, the more natural it feels, allowing you to really make use of it and get something out of it. Before this recent journaling expedition I had NEVER journaled. Maybe stupid little doodles and quotes from songs or something in notebooks, but not really journaling, or for any real purpose. I was somewhat curious and interested in the idea, as it had always been suggested to me by programs, institutions, therapists, etc.. however, I couldn't get past my biggest hurdle which was how to begin journaling without feeling really, really, silly, or like some teeny girl in highschool writing about people she doesn't like or her crushes or whatever. It just felt awkward and silly. I debated on doing it for a while and I think one day I said to myself to just do it, see how it goes, and do it day after day or just twice a day, even if all I write is a sentence, or a gratitude, or a to do list, the idea was just to start doing it and developing the healthy habit. So my first entries were very crude. I'm looking at one now and it basically says : + +THC NJ is COOL +APPLY TO JOBS +START NEW RPG +GONNA COOK STEAK +START READING DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP? (finished it that week) +THIS IS MY 1ST TIME JOURNALING +MAY ADD MORE LATER, lol +TALKED TO LILY BILLY, need to more often + +Then l stated a short gratitude for the day. This first journal entry I was grateful for reddit, cause I believe I made a post prior to writing that entry asking for tips on how to journal. I posted on a few mental health groups, a few addiction or drug based subs, and a few writing subs and got all sorts of helpful tips, but my first few entries remained pretty crude for a week or so. My first entry was on 2-12-23. So I've been doing it almost daily, some days multiple times in one day, and some weeks I'll go 3 or 4 days without journaling like just recently, but I don't like doing that cause now I notice a sort of disconnect from myself when I don't journal habitually. It's constant confirmation of all your thoughts and beliefs, and you see how your idea develop and progress. Thinking something and thinking something then writing it down on paper, physically putting the idea into the universe helps establish it. + +I skip a week or so into my journaling and now I'm talking to it more like how traditionally people think journaling goes. Like raw free thought sort of, that's definitely a very important part of journaling though you can and will develop your own entire journaling style based on your needs, or what you want out of it. I thought I would hate the free thought aimless formula but it's what I use the most now, because the habit of writing allowed me to get comfortable with it and explore it's benefits. I just moderate it by USUALLY including short term, or long term goals, gratitudes,or something. But not always, if you don't feel it you shouldnt force yourself. You don't wanna say a bullshit gratitude just to write something for gratitude. If you don't feel it don't write it. So yeah fast forward in my journal and I'm talking about the day we went to the park after group and we smoked a bit and played football and frisbee and saying how nice it is, before that some goals and gratitudes. Short term goals. I begin to write about accomplishments I've made and things I see different in myself. I talk about some of my inner growth but I'll mention a specific think like in how the past year and a half I've been fucked up like 20 of those days. Or how I feel my brain is finally begin to repair itself cause I can feel some sort of natural euphoria at times. Dopamine release is finally becoming more regulated. I'll write how I finished a book in a week and that's also an accomplishment. A big accomplishment I had to write down was hygiene. When I was in heavy active addiction, or even sober just severely crippled with depression I'd go a month without brushing my teeth, weeks without showering. So I wrote down that accomplishment. It effects self esteem, ego and confidence. When you go back and read goals you had and accomplishments you've made, on a daily basis you get to physically see growth or change in yourself instead of just feeling you're doing better. You have written proof, you're logging your mental state everyday and you go back after a month when you forget what you wrote and you're like oh shit wow, I can't believe I actually accomplished that, or shit I can't believe I even WANTED. To accomplish that. Being able to go back and read what you wrote after you forgotten it is a visceral feeling. Theres no real WAY to journal and I'm still figuring out my best way but it changes, some days it's free thought, one day it's lists and goals and gratitudes, sometimes a healthy mix, sometimes it's something funny that happened that day (good to go back and read on funny moments you'd otherwise completely forget about, it can immortalize them so to speak) sometimes it's topics I wanna go down rabbit holes on YouTube and I'll mention it in the journal so that if I forget I'll come back to that page on my own at some point and remember. I could imagine how amazing it would be to have years worth of your own personal journals now. Must be pretty fucking cool. Get to see huge change in yourself and never forget where you started. Reddit gave me an overwhelming amount of GOOD information and I took what I thought would work for me, still plan to read more on journaling tips soon as I wanna evolve it further and do more for with it, but I've been doing it for a like a little over a month so ill keep learning and adding journaling objectives as I continue doing it. All in all journaling serves to strengthen your relationship with yourself. I know my explanation wasn't the best, so I recommend also searching reddit or Google on your own for more journaling tips that work for your needs. + +The end.","For anyone on the fence about journaling, this is my experience so far...",1 +615,"i dropped out of high school, let me explain. + +when i was a freshman covid happened and i did online school up until i was a sophomore. Then schools switched back in person but i’ve always struggled with it, i’d get bullied, my friends would ignore me, and i’d just be alone all the time, the teachers hardly helped me, they always favor the popular kids. It’s not their fault. + +i tried a program for my junior year, they said they’d help me get the credits i needed. It was all online, at first it was okay, but after a month they dropped the bomb. I got a bunch of homework that was due within a week, then they wanted to do a test that was a huge factor in my grade and they wanted me to turn on my camera and answer every and any questions they had, and based on that they would give me my grade. It gave me bad anxiety, i wasn’t learning anything, the whole thing was just “do this do that” so i gave up. + +since then i’ve been thinking of getting my GED, my oldest sister got her GED, my friends brother got his GED, so maybe i can get mine? But i’m scared to go back into any sort of school setting, my anxiety was so bad in high school i couldn’t walk alone in the hallways, i felt like everyone was judging me or laughing at me. I could never make it to class even if i did i’d end up leaving. + +There’s a online option for getting my GED but i’m scared it’ll just be like that program i did and i won’t get any help, that i’ll just leave it again and never finish my school. But if i do in person i might have a breakdown, or disappoint my parents again, i hate that look in their eyes when they found out i had given up on school, like i’m a disappointment. + +what do i do, i feel hopeless. i wish covid hadn’t had happened, maybe i would’ve pushed myself to stay at that school + +if you’ve gotten your GED or have info on it or advice please please please tell me",going back to school,1 +616,"Title explains most of it. I wake up in the morning and think “fuck, I’m still here”, “fuck, another day in my life”. I never thought I would be this depressed in my life. I’ve had bad anxiety and joked about toaster bath before, but now it seems like I genuinely just don’t give af. I never thought this would be me, and that just adds to the sadness. I just don’t even want to build the strength to keep moving forward… the one thing that brought me happiness in my life is gone, everything I based my life around. I don’t care about money, or a job, or anything like that. Now it feels like I’m just forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do because it’s expected of me..",I wake up every morning and say “fuck”,1 +617,"These last 5 years have taken such a toll on me, that I just don't have the will to go on. My father was never in my life much, and my mother was more interested in alcohol and weed than myself and brothers wellbeing. The only paternal support we've really had is from our grandma. She has always done what she thought was best for my brother and me,, though she wasn't always able to give us the emotional support we needed. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, and never had any sense of self worth or respect. The friends I had were their for convenience, we shared some similar hobbies, and I was willing to do whatever they needed if that meant we could hang out. When I was 22, I started hanging out with a kind of bad crowd. We mainly got high and went to festivals and got drunk downtown. There were fun moments, but eventually an incident happened at a festival and I stopped hanging out with them. I did coke for the first time at this festival, and they all left me alone for the day. Afterwards, I stopped hanging out with them, more so out of getting my head straight, but none of then reached out to ke. Even to this day. I still see them from time to time around town, and they've all moved on to become better updmstanding people. Still hanging out together. Without me. After that happened I focused on work, did a bit of job hopping, started being healthier, lost a ton of weight (I was obese from middle school up to 23), and eventually my brother and i moved out into another apartment together with our grandma. He soon met a woman and got married, and they moved into their own place, so it was just me and my grandma. I did eventually meet a girl, and after a year I also moved into a place with her when I was 26. It was good for awhile, but her mom hated me. I wasn't extremely religious. I'm not against it in any way, but I don't need a book to tell me how to be a good person. She judged me from our first meeting, especially since I didn't come from a good stable background. I'm glossing over a lot but it had a significant impact on our relationship. We live there together for 1 year. I don't know when it started, but we would get into these intense arguments. She had a lot going on with her family and job, and along with covid and isolation, the stress was too much for us to work through. After 7 months of living together we broke up. I left the apartment and went back to my grandmas place. We tried to stay friends, but I've realized that the changes in her personality have become too toxic for me. She knows my struggles with my insecurities, my depression, my anxiety, and even my family issues. Up until yesterday, she used that to manipulate me into being there for her emotionally. I kept struggling to break away, but she would bring up my past mistakes in our relationship and guilt me to continue being there for her. Anyways I went back to one of my old jobs, and was there until this past January. I left because I felt like I reached my peak. The customers were getting worse, we got a new manager who complete changed everything to their liking. I was overworked and felt undervalued. I didn't have a game plan, I just knew that for my mental health I needed to leave. Since then i havent found any kind of job. Since i left school, i dont hsve any qualifications except for retail, fast food, and other menial jobs. In the past year I gained back all the weight I lost. My body has been going through certain issues that I truly can't even afford to go to the doctor for. My grandma, bless her heart, hasn't been too pushy about me finding a job. But I can see her irritation in her eyes. I know she's concerned about me isolating myself in my room. I don't even play games much anymore. I just waste my days browsing online, looking for jobs, and then just laying in bed thinking of my life. I have no one close around me. I have no friends, no SO, and I can't even talk to my brother about my depression. I know he's going through his own stuff, and he's tried to get me to play games with him but I feel like he should just focus on himself. The last two days I've been contemplating my life, my place in the world. I've come to the conclusion that I am just someone who doesn't belong. I'm not destined for a good life, not even an ok life. When I felt it was good it was ripped away from me, despite all my efforts to fix everything. I'm starting over from the bottom. Living with my grandma again. Overweight, jobless, and no real worth. I always felt so shityy for it, but I finally made my peace. I've struggled with suicide though a lot lately, I was afraid of actually going through with it because of my grandma and brother. Even my mommombit. I know they will be heartbroken, i know it will take some time for them to recover, but they will eventually. My grandma is so emotion strong, and my brother, while he will be more hurt from it, is also stronger than me emotionally. He also has his wife there to support him. We used to talk about suicide when things were bad, and he always said no matter what happened to us he would never be Ble to go through with that. I used to think I couldn't either....I guess I truly am a weakling. I know it'll be hard for them, but I feel that their lives will be so much easier once they don't have to worry about me anymore. I've made peace with it. They were the last things holding me back, but I don't feel worried anymore. They'll be able to live their lives when I'm gone, and I won't be a burden for them and for myself anymore. I'm exhausted. Every day is such a struggle to get up and try. Lately I've been having nightmares. They've gotten worse, and I feel this is the only way to stop. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of trying. I've accepted that I'm not meant for anything, and I've accepted I don't deserve happiness. I'm ready now. For the first time in 5 years I've bought some wine. I hate wine with a passion, but it aas on clearance and I just needed to get my head to stop thinking. Once she leaves for work tomorrowi think ill just drink myself stulud. I dont know whatll happen, maybe i wont go through wjth it, but this is the first time ive felt good about ending it. All i can think of is how itll be overoveri wont have to suffer anymore, i wont be a burden anymore. I wont be worthless anymore. Ill be forgotten, which i am ok with. If you took the time to read this I thank you wholeheartedly. I know it's a bunch of ramblings, but it feels good to get it off my chest. I feel like with this I can take that step, and I will finally achieve peace. I hope if you read this, don't be like me. I am a weakling, but I hope you can use this to push on. Do what I couldn't do. I wish you the best of luck",I feel like I'm finally ready to end it all.,1 +618,"Any advice or suggestions on what I should do? He's 19, dropped out of college because he have no passion in anything. He hates learning and have no friends. He's always in his room and refuse to leave. He would lock his door and turn off the lights. When my parents asked him if he wants to go somewhere he just screamed no repeatedly at them. Sometimes when we come back home and I check up on him, he told me he regretted it and said he's a horrible person. + +I suggested him to get professional help. I'm also seeing a therapist to try to better myself. But my brother told me it's a waste of time and he doesn't want to talk about his feelings. All he does is play pc games from morning to night. Even till 3 am. My mom comes home from her night shift and when she saw that he's still awake they started a screaming match. Their loud voices would wake me up and I try to stop them and it never works. + +Now I just check up on him and try to have a decent conversation with him. I would talk about video games with him or other things he's interested. But most of the time he yells at me to leave his room. + +I think he has a lot of pressure from my mom. She wants him to go to college in the medical or engineer field. It might be partially my fault too. My mom wanted me to be a nurse but I got a degree in art. Even my relatives told me ""you can't have 2 siblings in the creative field. There has to be a balance. Your brother should be in stem."" I asked my brother and he actually wants to be a writer. I feel bad, I don't think I'm a good older sister (I'm 25). I focused on my own issues for a long time now. I also tried defending him against my family but he told me to stop. My brother ended up yelling at me that I'm a failure because it took me 6 years to graduate, got a useless degree and tons of job rejections. So he doesn't want to take any advice from me about college. He always tells me this when he wants to be alone because I ended up crying to my room or the bathroom.",I think my brother is depressed and I'm unsure what to do.,1 +619,"Simple question for people with depression. How do you feel on alcohol or other drugs, if so which drugs? How often do you use them? Do you believe it affects you depression in any way, long term, short term? + +I'm interested in any answer from a person who uses drugs on how it affects their depression. But particularily people who don't use them regularly: does it make you feel happiness? Does it make you feel things you miss out on in daily life? Why don't you keep using them? (of course know a lot of good reasons not to use drugs in daily life even if you're depressed, I'm just interested in the answers)",depression on drugs,1 +620,"So I often have depression episodes that can last for days sometimes even whole weeks. I am currently on my fourth day out from work. I just lied and said I had the flue, but now I just feel horrible and have so much anxiety about having to face my boss who I lied to. I don’t know how to navigate this anymore and it’s taking a huge toll on my life. I finally have a good job that I like yet it feels like I am just self sabotaging or something. I don’t know. I have had this problem for years now and I just want to be a normal functioning adult. How can I end this cycle ?",Struggling with guilt for not going to work.,1 +621,"I used to try and act so upbeat and happy all the time, but lately I just… can’t. I’m miserable all the time. I don’t have the energy to talk to people anymore. I don’t have energy to spend time with my friends. They probably think I’m avoiding them. I’m losing the only people close to me because I’d rather spend my time alone. + +I’m miserable at work, I’m miserable around friends, I’m miserable at home. I just can’t put on a happy face anymore. I wear my mask all the time because I can’t bring myself to smile. This shit is eating me alive. I’m so tired of it all",It’s getting harder and harder to mask this shit every day,1 +622,"So you need a stable social environment to get better, but people ditch you when you stop entertaining them. So how should this environment look like in the 21st century, when people are obsessed with fun and don’t want to deal with issues. They don’t want to deal with their own issues and they definitely don’t want to deal with someone that’s not fun. So obviously we without a family that cares for us are fucked.",So you apparently need a stable social environment to get better…lol,1 +623,"This fucking word – I hate it utterly. + +I can barely bring myself to pronounce it – every last one of its four letters; what with the shit it entails. + +It'll have you entailing, rather — which is a character who'll ***never*** be as respectable, reliable, and upstanding as you'd be, had you never asked for... for... that – that thing there in the title, you know the one we all need, and so desperately at times, even though that's not even what a great deal of us needs, but really what everyone should have for granted – a basic human right, you'd call it – a necessity as eating or drinking or fucking(fucking; yes fucking) or, lest I sound too coarse or even border vagueness as I mention fucking, I meant — **loving**. + +What help? It's love. I want love. I don't want to be treated as I need a fucking ramp going up a staircase, or given a discourse of pity like I'm disabled somehow or another because I'm depressed, I just want love — none but love, except — great — that's even more shameful to ask than help itself, and you do it once, you're marked for pitiful clinginess (~~death)~~, so to publicly ask for help is something l'll never dare again — oh no, I won't. + +You may find yourself comforted; warmed, even, upon your request for help among friends, but if you're a man with any kind of zeal(or anyone with such vigor; really) then the moment you're elevating yourself up ever so slightly in a competitive manner again, that fragility you've shown is going to be used against you in every single fucking regard, and you'll never make it back to that league you once held your held high on. + +So I'd rather suffer proud now, even if it kills me. At least it'll be a literal death – a clean wipe, opposed to this sick sort of castration.",''Help'',1 +624,"Even only a year ago feels like a dream. I was so deluded, so arrogant and unaware. Id do anything to feel that hope again. + +Everytime I wake up I have to remind myself that this is all real. That I am stuck here and its all my fault. + +Everything they said about me was true.",Every day is a little worse,1 +625,"Hey, i came to Reddit for advice. Idk I just feel drained from school, people, girls, work, I don’t know what to do anymore. Im losing focus of my grades, I’m confused, and just tired in general. I came here cus i do not have no one else to tell my problems too. I have everything I wanted, friends, family, a truck, but i just feel empty. I can’t explain it, I just don’t know. Im 16 and yes some people will tell me to be great full for what I have, which I am but it doesn’t mean Im not happy, am I selfish? I don’t do drugs, but some times the thought comes to my mind and I wonder would everything be better? I have also wondered what would happen if i just disappear, i know I would be missed by my friends , family, siblings, but I don’t think I would care, it’s selfish i know. But I’m being honest, life is on repeat of you know what I mean. I wake up, go to school, get home, eat, go to sleep and do it all over it again. It’s fucking tiring. I have thought of suicide but it’s a dumb way to go out, tbh I’m only here cus I’m scared too die, and my mom needs me. Like I’m great full yes, but I just don’t wanna be here you know. I would never do something that would hurt my mom. Please can someone just put sense into me, or just give me advice anything.","I’m confused please someone help me.( sorry for the bad sub, I was just typing without thinking)",1 +626,"Hello. + +TW: SUICIDE; DEPRESSION; ANXIETY. + + +I want to start this off by saying I'm F15. + + +Ever since I was young, I dreamt about having an exceptionally great life. I dreamt of finding the love of my life, being rich, etc. + + +Lately, I've seen my brothers getting that kind of life, and also lately, I was met with anxiety. + + +I barely can't sleep at night, I'm extremely depressed, because I just have no hope in the future. + + +Like, I feel like I'll never live the life I want, or find the love of my life, because I feel unloved. I feel, I don't want this to sound stupid, but I feel way too smart for some people, yet too dumb for others. + + +I'm extremely depressed. Like, I hate how everyone is living their best lives, and I'm stuck in my home with my mentally ill jobless + + + + + + + + +mother, depressing, unloved, without anyone, cause I practically have no friends. + + +And my brothers just have their own life. + + +So I'm truly alone. + + +And I have no hope, no will, no fun. + + +I want to kill myself.","I'm an extremely depressed teen, no hope in the future. Thinking about suicide.",1 +627,"Let me start that I used to feel shame and embarrassment about my depression. I used to hate myself and feel like a freak, and that nobody else ever went through the feelings I did. I was terrified of people finding out I suffered from depression, like it would make them think less of me and that I should be avoided and pitied. + +At some point, I had a certain epiphany, if you will. I concluded that depression is a normal thing that affects everyone. I have a feeling anyone who says they never get depressed isn’t being honest, or just afraid of judgement. Everyone gets depressed, and it shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed about. + +I’m aware that, although everyone experiences depression, it doesn’t affect everyone the same. Some people, such as myself, have closed themselves off to people and made themselves a victim of this idea that they should feel ashamed of their depression and hide it from everyone, lest they be judged and ridiculed for it. + +But not me, not anymore at least. I think depression should be normalized, or at the very least accepted. People shouldn’t be made to believe they’re broken and need to be fixed. Depression isn’t something that needs to be “fixed”, it’s something that needs to be understood. The truth is, my depression isn’t going to just go away. It’s a natural, human emotion. It’s a part of the human condition, and only someone completely devoid of emotion would never go through it. + +I get it, it sucks to go through it. I know all to well, and can’t tell you how many times I just wanted to die. But i don’t regret my depression, because I believe it gives my more humility. I believe that by being more open and accepting of my depression, I can open up to others going through those painful, difficult times. I can show them that even though depression may never go away for good, there are ways to manage it healthily and effectively. I think it just starts by learning to understand and accept depression as a normal, human emotion that everyone goes through. Don’t ever think you’re the only one or that you have it worse than everyone else. If I could do it, you should be able to, too.",Why accepting and even embracing my depression has actually helped me.,1 +628,"Every single day, i keep thinking about how emotionally numb i feel. About how rich and vibrant life would be if i was not so depressed. I constantly feel robbed of my emotions, especially after i felt genuine human emotion and joy for just one day. I felt happy just to be alive. What happened man? I wish i could just feel happy to be alive again, and feel joy and happiness from the littlest things.","Fuck me, i wish i wasnt so emotionally numb to everything.",1 +629,"And i cant get rid of that feeling. Why do i need to wake up? Why do i need to have any goals? Why do i need to live? +We will all die one day. Why prolonging the inevitable? There's surely nothing after death, and there's yet still nothing fun being alive too. +We live in a world that doesnt care about you and your problems. Everyone wants you to be productive and useful. And when you suddenly understand how useless it all is, they call you mentally ill.",Everything is meaningless,1 +630,"Hey guys, + +So my long term partner just broke up with me today. I don’t blame her I was emotionally crazy and always depressed. + +She was my only friend and my only light sometimes but I know I put her off a lot. I understand my faults. + +I usually would go to the gym and stuff but I don’t hate this girl or feel wronged. If anything I wronged her by taking her for granted. + +Either ways I feel all alone. I have no one and no one close enough or comfortable enough to talk to and confess my emotions to. + +I guess it’s just me and my crazy thoughts from now on then.",The last dip,1 +631,"I feel so defeated. Everything that could possibly go wrong in life, has gone wrong. I’m not living, I’m just existing. Nothing brings me joy. I can’t do it anymore.",No desire for life anymore.,1 +632,If anyone will be around later tonight just dm me,I need someone to talk to,1 +633,"I am so tired of being lonely to the point of removing myself. I have had it right up to me head several times but im always too afraid to pull the trigger and vegetable myself. Im a 24yo kissless virgin incel and have no friends or family. I am so inept at making friends or talking to girls. I havent even tried talking to girls in 8 something years because i convinced myself that i “dont like them” but God i want someone to love and connect and grow with, eventually start a family. Theres a cute girl i work with that i tried talking to for a bit, but i know im too ugly and dont offer anything so i just blocked her. She asked about it the next day and made me add her back on social media stuff and i ended up blocking her again. Im simply not good enough, she deserves better. I missed out on meeting someone in highshool or college, and so im destined to be a 40yo virgin. I hate seeing all these couples around me, some my age, being happy and being normal. Why cant i just be normal. Why am i an outcast. If only i could muster the courage to pull that trigger, id save myself so much pain.",I am tired of being lonely,1 +634,"I’m too tired to carry on. University is too difficult. My disability is such a burden. My mental health is spiralling. My acne is so bad I am afraid to look people in the eyes. My social anxiety is awful, and I’m such an awkward person. I’ve been sick for months, and it’s made me become super negative and withdraw from my friends. I’m quite shy and it makes people look down on me and ignore me. I was bullied all throughout primary school, and basically ignored after that. + +I wish a car would hit me and it’d be all over. Quick and simple. No pain. I know by this point I am the problem, and I’m not blaming anyone else for what’s happened to me in my life. It’s just so tiring",So tired of life,1 +635,The Latuda has stopped working on my depression. I have bipolar 2 with primarily major depression symptoms. I’m so depressed right now I can’t stand it so my dr switched me to vvraylar 1.5mg. I’m nervous about the side effects. I don’t know how im going to continue to live with this into old age. My bipolar was manageable without much medication prior to surgical menopause now im bat shit crazy depressed. I don’t see my self aging well. I’m 46 now. How has the older community managed their symptoms? Thanks in advance,Adding vvraylar to my Effexor regime. I’m nervous,1 +636,"As the title states, I hate my fucking life. There is nothing redeemable or meaningful about my existence. I clean toilets for just above minimum wage to get by. Everyday is a sisyphean nightmare, I scrub the literal shit just for there to be more shit. Endless shit, such is life. It’s funny because everyone tells me I can do so much more, but is that truly so? I hate everything about everything yet have no real motivation to change. I’m just so tired all the time. + +Little background to paint the pathetic picture, I’m in my late twenties and live with my parents. I’ve had no remaining friends for several years now (for the better), have had a suspended license for 4 years, and my only sibling hasn’t talked to me in years. My parents and girlfriend are the last remaining positive things in my life, yet personal guilt blocks my appreciation of them. I honestly don’t deserve them. + +Why they haven’t discarded me like everyone else is beyond me. I’m a pathetic, self-absorbed, alcoholic blister. The only time I don’t experience crippling anxiety and the hollowness of my self- inflicted sadness is when skirting the line of a blackout. I have embarrassed my girlfriend and parents countless times. Despite my best efforts, I’m not a likeable person, even when sober. I hate that I have to not drink two days a week, otherwise the familiar beast of physical dependence comes knocking on my decrepit door. + +I’m not sure why I’m even bothering to write all this. It’s not like I’m capable or even worthy of change. I got cleaned up and worked a 12 step program rigorously for over a year in the past. Tried to convince myself that I could even make healthy friends and live a normal life. I also went on Prozac, which made only a negligible difference except for the broken dick. That facade quickly crumbled once I realized that people like me are simply not meant to be happy. I lived in nothing more than a hopeful fantasy all that time. + +In the end there isn’t much else to say. Life just isn’t fair, and I haven’t the energy to even complain anymore. The 18 yearold who locked 13 yearold me in his garage and shot me with a BB gun is a rich corporate lawyer. The highschool team-mate who regularly beat my ass is an investment manager for Merryl Lynch. If there weren’t losers like me, then there wouldn’t be winners like them.",I hate my life.,1 +637,Dont know where to start…i hate that damn school so much.I didnt even actually pick my school since my parents did it for me.Im at the hardest type of high school here in slovakia.And whats the best i got to go to college or else my high school is gonna be useless.Most of the subjects are going pretty well for me but damn…Maths and physics is a whole another level.Im trying my best all the time but im starting to figure out that im just stupid.Yesterday i learned physics for 5 hours straight and guess what i got.Yes its F.This shi happens all the time but somehow i still manage to get the grades right.But what makes me sick is my parents.Im 17 and i have been a gamer since 7.Idk if they just discovered a new way of raising their children but everytime i get a bad grade even from subjects like physics and math they just take my pc away lmao.Idk what they want to achieve with that but it makes me so upset.I dont see a pc like a problem cause my grades dont even get worse.Its actually the only thing that makes me happy after a long day…Just want to remind that im 17 and i worked the whole summer to buy this pc with all the setup.So thats all i guess…Dont know if anybody is gonna read this but if yes you can give me an advice.thx <3,fuck school,1 +638,"My depression has, at this point, taken everything that was honestly important to me in my life. My education is a mess, I can't seem to care for or bond with my friends anymore. Everything that I liked to do I stopped doing and now I have no hobbies. I have an awful relationship with my mother so that doesn't help, and neither of us cook, me mostly because I can't do anything and her idk because she's busy I guess. So my eating habits are shit, my sleep schedule is reversed at this point and my hiegene is shit too. Everything's just gross and neglected now. And I feel this insurmountable amount of guilt and shame about the fucking embarrassing shithole my life has become. And I can't bring myself to go past this feeling that I'm a waste and that I've let myself down. I had many dreams and many expectations, I realise that I'm sentimental and idealistic by nature and I really do let my imagination run wild when it comes to how life is supposed to look like. But I've never imagined this even in my pessimistic scenarios. I avoid going to my therapist because I don't believe I want to get better anymore. I don't know if I even can. And I won't let anyone help me or choose to get better. And it just feels like I'm watching this person live my life for me and I disagree with everything they're doing but somehow I'm not strong or bothered enough to stop them? I've built this cycle that keeps me afraid and frozen all the time so I never do anything that could potentially improve my situation because that requires stakes and effort and faith and I'm afraid of all of those. Now I just find myself grieving who I am which I know sounds completely ridiculous but I will literally look at pictures of me and I swear to god, I will grieve how pretty I look or how I talented I was at something or how fun a certain memory was as if I'm no longer here or not alive. Like I'm in deathbed wishing I had done different and keeping myself in the position of a perpetual martyr. It's really fucking weird.",How do you overcome feelings of self-pity and shame?,1 +639,"I wake up every day and log into my online college. I go to work. I shower and some days I brush my teeth, but most days I can’t. Sometimes I put on new clothes but usually I don’t. I go in my room and i turn off the lights and lay in bed on my phone. I eat every other day. I sleep when I can’t take being away anymore. My foster parents are moving to Miami so they passive aggressively kicked me out. I’m 19. I don’t have any dreams, I don’t have anything anymore. I think of suicide as a simple solution. I’m not sad I just feel nothing. I can’t remember when I was truly inspired. I can’t remember the last time I cared. I’m a burden to everyone. I know it. Just let me die already.",I am not motivated. I am not inspired. I have no purpose.,1 +640,"I’m only 14 but I’ve struggled with very bad depression anxiety and adhd and it honestly sucks I hate every second of it and I’ve even used recreational drugs but. + +Antidepressants HELP I took bupropion xl 150mg for four days and I was HAPPY I went from suicidal to happy in two days medication can help and if you don’t want to because you want to muse drugs example when your on it is much easier to stay sober and staying sober helps a LOT with keeping a stable mood. + +I just wanted to say that if you need help there is something out there for you I used to be against antidepressants but they help so much it’s crazy i was happy and looked forward to the next day instead of waking up with dread I would literally go to bed early. + +I used to make up excuses to not get the help I needed because if I’m being honest in was scared to be happy I was so used to being depressed I was scared of change but when you get on an antidepressant that mood lift makes you realize that change is what I needed and it was just my depression holding me back.",If you feel stuck and like there is no way out listen to this,1 +641,"I don't know why I'm even sad, but I have been like this for so long, that now it doesn't matter. + +I'm just tired",I'm just tired,1 +642,"I can't face going back on an SSRI/SNRI. + +I've tried most of the common alternatives - they all turn me into a zombie with zero memory in short order, except Mirtazapine - that turns me into a no-memory zombie with food cravings. + +Doctor is also willing to try second-line treatments of + +Vortioxetine / Trintellix  +Bupropion / Wellbutrin + +&#x200B; + +Is Buproprion a bad combo for someone who suffers with depression/poor sleep driven by anxiety and chronic stress/raised cortisol? + +I'm mainly concerned about the impacts on sleep, although from what I can tell, it seems IR may be better",bupropion / Wellbutrin + anxiety?,1 +643,What is the point of taking a day to yourself as a parent? Its like a day pass from prison. You know you just have to go back. How is any break supposed to feel reviving when the life you leave and also the one you take with you feels worthless and pointless? I'm basically just going to feel shitty in a different location. Self care is worth shit.,Parent Breaks,1 +644,"It's like I had a breath of fresh air. I was sober, I was productive, I was task oriented. I got constructive things done and even worked on hobbies just a smidge. It was so nice to breathe yesterday. Today I started off well and I kept giving myself projects to do. I repotted some things and made the mistake of posting a pic on Reddit. I wanted to share a cute lil repot I did. Now, I know I can't take things on Reddit personally, and some people left positive comments, but some people were judging what I did and telling me I was wrong for it. I sort of lashed out and started to respond to them, but someone told me off for it and I realized I was being unreasonable. + +It's not the post or the comments that got me. It's just that I was trying to do well and be happy and share a little of myself with something or someone outside of my bubble. I'm a home maker (30F) and I'm alone all day. I have long distance friends, but no one nearby. My friends don't really check on me- we are all mentally ill and I usually put myself on the back burner and stay quiet, so I think they lean on me and don't view me as needing help.i wish they would reach out more and ask me how I am. + +I feel so incredibly alone. I have felt such immense depths of pain in my life. I am still fighting to grow and heal. I wish I could've taken my therapist with me to the new state when I moved. I wish I had just one person who understood the depths of what I feel and how crazy and chaotic my brain is. I wish I could friggin breathe right now. I wish it was yesterday again.",Yesterday was so good but today it's back,1 +645,"CBD, CBN and CBG oil the best natural medication for anxiety if you ask me: https://allianthemp.com/collections/all",This may help you sleep and anxiety!,1 +646,I have a good life my most people standars but i don't fell happy i do not lack friends a girlfirend or sex but i still feel unhappy and i don't know why,i don't know but i feel empthy,1 +647,"I’m 25M and really got nothing going for me right now. + +I am lucky to have a few friends here. But everything is dull, each time I even hangout I feel like I radiate bad energy. + +I just think how I could be better. + +Literally have not been working as much because my work is flexible. + +I smoke weed every night usually so maybe that plays a factor. + +I was with my friend and his girlfriend and her friends the other day. I left early because I was tired and wanted to sleep in my own bed. + +I just feel like a burden all the time and don’t want to ruin the energy. I feel like shit, why am i like this.",25 and depressed af,1 +648,"My close friend and flatmate has depression, and she has in the past two days out of nowhere shut herself out from everybody, including me who prior to this hung out with her almost daily. She has also stopped going to university. I am worried and don't know how to approach trying to talk to her as she has not reciprocated any messages of going for a walk or for food. I know it may be best to leave her be but as her friend I want to at least talk to her face to face and help her with any emotional support or comfort, especially since we live in the same flat. + +&#x200B; + +Should I just knock on her door, or just leave her be and keep texting to check up on her every once in a while? I do understand that depression can sometimes be better dealt with alone as not to be overwhelmed but I cant help but feel worried for her. + +&#x200B; + +(all her replies to messages of concern are 'i am alright' and along those lines) + +Any advice would be greatly appreciated",How do I approach a close friend who has withdrawn herself into her room,1 +649,I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 10 and now I'm 21.,I've been depressed for over half my life now,1 +650,"Weird how spring is approaching quickly, yet I can feel the darkness coming again. In the mornings, I wake up as late as possible, so I can spend the early hours in my bed, either unconscious or dreaming, without pain-- without the burden of reality. + +The rest of the day I spend in a haze of hating myself, escaping reality through videogames, and starving myself. Losing weight makes me feel good again: I deserve the feeling of an empty stomach, and at the same time, restricting my calories is the only thing that I can control in my life. + +These days, I'm very forgetful, too. I forget appointments and run late for the very few things I have left in my life. My family gets angry at me a lot, to them I am a nuisance. They don't understand why I am slacking. They don't know that I hate being alive, and their anger makes me want to end my consciousness even more. + +The evenings are the worst, though, because they are filled with regrets. I'm wasting time. I'm ruining my 20s. I'm isolating myself from the world and soon I won't have anyone left. But I cannot change. I'm powerless against the sadness. It doesn't feel like spring.",It's getting bad again,1 +651,"I want to talk to my friends and they talk back and we have a fun and nice time. I want to be happy and drink water and get up early and go to university every day and go to work. +I. Cant. Do. It. +I have 0 support except my girlfriend but i cannot class her as any kind of psychological support. + +I am going back on my meds soon because i was okay for a while w/o them but I’ve been really really bad. +it’s like i have a baseline feeling of sadness and not good but then it really worsens for no reason just from the most random triggers. +I want to be fucking normal! +My social skills have been fucking depreciating so bad as-well like i just want to have a nice chat maybe but i just push people away and i want to not do that!!!!",I want to get out of this dumb brainrotting place(bit of vent sorry),1 +652,"It's just a constant struggle, the degree isn't even that valuable and I haven't been to my classes for a couple weeks now. I wake up and sit in the shower for an hour, make some food and play games. I have two dissertations due in May along with 3 other assignments, and 2 exams. No one seems to believe I'm depressed, my boyfriend says I'm ""not mentally ill I'm just going through a hard time"", but everyone else handles it better than me. + +I have to work at a bar that's open til 4am on the weekends and I finish work at 5, then a half hour walk back so at the best of times I fall fall at 6. I know that this job is making my mental health worse but I don't have long left at uni now, there's no point in quitting. + +In the UK the government give you a maintenance loan to help pay rent and cover living costs, most people get around £7-9k per year, I get 4k because of my parents income, but they don't even make that much and they can't help me financially. The 4k doesn't even cover the rent for my place so my part time job is paying rent, food, laundry, transport, clothes when I need them etc, and other things. + +I'm managing to save up my money without spending over budget but that's about the only thing that seems worth it, actually making money. With university there is nothing to motivate me other than guilt or shame. My first year of uni was during the pandemic and the second year was heavily affected as well. Third year is just full of strikes, the free university bus never shows up so I miss my classes when I actually try, it's all so demotivating. + +The one time I opened up to a friend properly he distanced himself from me because I didn't text him back for a couple days, and he took it personally, even after I explained everything to him. To be honest, he was a terrible friend anyway, but I'll save you the details. My parents don't understand it, they're in denial that their kid is depressed and anxious, probably because they are too, but my mum always tells me I'm just being silly when I open up, so not much hope there. + +I just wish I could sleep through it all. I feel like I have no control over my life at the moment and I feel like a waste of oxygen. I don't know if this would be helpful to anyone, but I hope someone else can relate.",I'm so sick of university (rant),1 +653,"I wish people understood how much stomach pain I get a day, and then there’s the fact that I’m so scared to throw up that I have a full panic attack every single time I’m nauseous. I wanted to go to a really nice school next year but because of my attendance that option has been washed down the drain. I don’t have the GPA to get in a good college and I know it’s gonna stay that way, and I know I’ll never be mentally stable enough to have the family I’d want so it’s over. I’m going to kill myself I’m just planing on how exactly I want it to play out.","I don’t know when, but I know I’m gonna do it now.",1 +654,.,I don't want to live anymore. I just have zero will to live,1 +655,"My mom died last Oct, I've been fighting legal battles with my stepbrothers that dropped surprise court papers on me that basically said fuck you in mid Dec. They were supposed to be filing an estate immediately but took their time until they conspired enough support and stolen everything they wanted. + +Last month the legal battles were supposed to be over, they withdrew, they are not over... + +Just under a month ago I began the laborious task of moving 20+yrs of stuff with little to no help. The things the stepbrothers stole, like truck and trailer would of helped tremendously in moving and storage. + +This last weekend I began swapping some of my mom's stuff out for mine and disposing of some of it. I moved half of it to the curb and kept back a working fridge and a couch. + +Then I got sick, I'm still sick. + +Garbage came Tuesday and still sick I halfheartedly worked on my mess...as the local neighbor rookie gun-hobcop drop by...he seen me working... I seen him see me. + +Today I received a citation for non working appliances, ""it's a nuisance""...except they do work...well the fridge did. I ""removed"" the doors as the officer I called and spoke to advised. Then I proceeded to fill my sidewalk with ever single bit of stuff I don't want. + +This same cop started dating a girl down the street last year at some point who recently turned 18... + +Around this time my step dad died and mom had cancer, I was having financial troubles and gas was $5/Gallon. I asked on local Facebook pages trying to get a charger for my electric trimmer to no avail. Eventually my grass was exactly the height max allowed..in spots...so naturally this same cop took it upon themselves to send me a citation. When complaining about the citation on a local page I was told ""if I can't afford to mow my grass I should pay someone to do it"".........like wtf... + +I just want to mourn my mother's death but even after months of struggling non-stop I can't take 2 days off to be sick. Fuck farmington il, fuck fpd, fuck Officer M. Carlock.",I've been struggling but I think this is the last straw..,1 +656,"Back in January my bestfriend and drummer of my band committed suicide, he was the type of dude where we were both the same age but we looked up to each other. Him and I went through so much together, we wrote songs, we played shows, we did stupid shit 18 year olds did, he made me the person I am today. One time he got on my shoulders in a big trench coat and sunglasses and we tried to buy beer and had the whole store laughing. He’s gone now, I feel like I have nothing, all my other friends, it feels like they’re not there, I feel like I have no one besides my parents, I love life but at this point I honestly don’t care if I die, if I die I die, so what. Nothing feels like it can fill the whole that he left, he was my soulmate of a friend, it feels like we were built for eachother, the hardest part about all of this is that my future feels like tunnel vision and all my future plans included him in some way, now my whole concept of a future for myself is in shambles, I don’t know what to do, I’m lost. I miss you buddy.",Lost my bestfriend,1 +657,"Where do i even begin? Ig 1st for apologising, as this will be a mess and ive never used reddit before, so idek if im even doing this correct. I just cant do this shit no more. Like im pathetic. 16 and my life is so deplorable that im alone, no1 cares for me, every1 hates me and im a failure, even to my parents. Ive already tried killing myself once before and i couldnt even do that right (clearly.) That was like 8 months ago and NOTHINGS CHANGED. In fact, its probs worse somehow. I just dont know what to do. From being friendless through my own doing, from being hated by my family, from being attempted robbed by knife point less than a week ago, from being a complete failure and disappointment. I just dont know anymore. Funny thing is, everything is so much worse than 8 months ago, but im still here, fighting as if things r gonna get better, when ik they aint. All i do is overthink abt every lil interaction, conversation and how life could be such better that it consumes all of my energy, to the point where i cant concentrate at school bc all i can think abt is killing myself and how i just should. What makes it worse is that this is only the 2nd time ive ever talked abt this shit, bc i can't. Not even to myself. Whenever some1 asks how i am (once in a millenia) i cant be honest. I just smile and say generic bs. When im not ok. I just bury my head in the sand and pray it gets better, that itll go away. IT NEVER FUCKING DOES. NOT IN 2 YRS IT HASNT. So y should it change now? The voices r winning, and idk what to do. I just want to die. The world would probs be better off anyway. Let me go thru spotify once more, and i think im done. Ty and sry",Life is shambolic and i think im done,1 +658,"What's it all about. I can get by ok outside even sitting in a room with friends or family, at college etc. + +But once in my room and I spend a lot time there as not very social and introverted. + +I end up fapping all the time as it makes me feel good. But it's not healthy or ideal. + +I used to be happy playing video games, movies, tv etc. But not getting into them so much now. + +I feel as I'm older not a teenager and at parent house (will be for at least 2 more years due to finances and study) perhaps its not right I'm not sure. Even if I had a flat would it be any different. When I have a gf I don't even care about sex but single I just think about it all time it's weird haha. + +Tbh when I'm alone I find I just want to fap and think of sex. Maybe having a gf would help that aspect I don't know? Even still I'm just not losing myself I movies and video games proffering to study etc which is fine but should have fun stuff to. + +I make music but can't be bothered that either. + +I also notice my hair thinning and think about that all the time which gets me down a lot and makes me feel ageing, maybe a root cause of my depression. + +Anyway overall its like I can walk about my house fine but as soon as I go into my bedroom my mood drops so low and my room is nice, open, lots of fun things tv, games, music etc. + +Maybe at my age bedroom just for sleeping now? But still it is what is why can't I be happy room. + +Maybe I just not got a good balance. Due to my crap hair I stopped going out at night or weekends which was fun and common when younger. I just feel ugly, old and depressed to go out now. + +When I used to go out I found that I was happy home in room for few days as no desire to go out. Then go out and repeat. + +Now I never go out so could be issue to? So I feel always in my room, balance was better before. + +Also not just my hair but I'm older and lost many friends who have moved on married had kids etc so going out is not really a thing anymore anyway. + +I'm so lost right now.",Depression mostly I my bedroom,1 +659,I over eat & under eat. Can’t sleep at night and sleep during the day. When I have an episode I hate to call other people because I don’t want to “bring them down”. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything but lay in bed. I always worry about something bad happening to me. Even though I have hobbies and try do make healthy eating decisions etc. Just ranting because I’m crying for no apparent reason and need to vent. I hope everyone is ok. 🥹,Dysthymia,1 +660,"Sorry In advanced for the rant of anyone even reads this lol, 19m, I used to use this app a lot to talk people out of hurting themselves or give people a chance to vent when I was really depressed as a coping mechanism I guess. I started feeling better as I graduated high school with honors and began moving towards an exciting and new time in my life. There were ups and downs sure, but I was probably happier than I’ve been in years since entering college. I found new hobbies, met amazing friends, worked out, etc, I even finished the semester with all As. That’s why it hurts even more to still be in this place. Nearly all of my online friends ditched me like they always do, half of my real life friends just stopped showing any interest In me, I can’t find a reason to give af about school and I’ve stopped all but one of my hobbies (piano). It’s like once I get a taste of feeling okay everything falls apart and I know what I need to do to fix it, but I just feel so alone and I need so badly to share my thoughts with someone but despite being in a school of ten thousand plus people, there’s not one person I feel okay turning to for help. I just want it to end, it never gets better and it hurts so much because I have a lot of love for other people and I just never seem to have that love reciprocated. I never leave anyone, but people always get bored of me and move on to the next. I just want someone to love me man",Back in this stupid lonely hole with no one to share my thoughts with,1 +661,"The zoloft appeared to stop working months ago (after 6 years) so I stopped cold turkey and switched to Wellbutrin (which i was supposed to take with the zoloft) but now I feel even worse than before. Its been over a week and the crying, self hate and thoughts of self harm and suicide are too much. I just wish I could have some mental stability, I cant deal with this anymore. I feel alone in this experience and consumed with horrible thoughts. Should i go back on the zoloft and take wellbutrin and zoloft together? I need to be mentally well ASAP so i can focus on my responsibilities but its been difficult.",Miserable after stopping Zoloft cold turkey and switching to Wellbutrin,1 +662,"Seriously, there's nothing keeping me in this area anymore so why stay, I'm seriously tempted to just full the tank and just drive and drive with nothing other than my thoughts to occupy me.",I want to just hit the road and drive forever.,1 +663,"I am struggling with going out of bed in the morning and starting the day when I don't have to leave the house right away. Besides drinking my coffee, I absolutely don't have a routine in the morning. I just don't know what to do with myself after I turned off my alarm. + +I wanted to ask you guys: + +What are the small things that help you in the morning? + +Do you have specific constant morning routines? how do they look? + +Any other thoughts about that topic?",Morning Routine,1 +664,"I am 99.9% sure she’s been telling everyone and I really didn’t want her to. + + + +a) my grandma “had a talk” with me. The basic stuff like I can tell her anything and shit. + + + + +b) my dad told me “the entire family is helping you.” Which is kinda fucked up to me. + + + + + +My dad wouldn’t give enough of a shit to do this. So what do I say to her? I am mad. Extremely mad. But I’ve never been before. I’m a generally calm person and I’m scared of coming off as it being funny or something. What do I do?!",How do I confront my mother about telling other family members about my mental illness,1 +665,"I been dealing with depression for a long time now, since I was about 12 or so, my teen years were the worse for me as that's when I actually felt suicidal as around that time my parents were having a divorce and I was failing school, never got the treatment I needed for this as my mother didn't like the idea of having to use drugs to make me better and never got me therapy either so I was left to somehow fix myself on my own for many years which I had to do many many google searches to figure out what is wrong with me. +Right now my depression has been getting worse due to my godfather passing away on 2023 new year's and I had to put down my 16 year old cat 2 weeks ago and that has been hitting me hard. I also don't have a job sadly to keep me busy and I don't have too many friends that live close to me that I can go out and do stuff with(I do still try to talk to them through text tho), but I was thinking on finding some kind of distraction like exercise but I haven't found that motivation on moving forward yet. I did finally set up a therapy appointment for myself but it took a lot of work to even set it up. + + +I'm kinda just spitting word vomit out right now but one of my coping mechanism is Maladaptive Day Dreaming (which if you don't know what that means is a behavior where a person spends an excessive amount of time daydreaming, often becoming immersed in their imagination) lately I have been stuck in my head a lot making up a bunch of stories and just wishing I could be in my perfect world that I made up and sadly its just making me even more depressed because I know I would never be able to live in that world, like I would imagine myself being a superhero with powers but then I end realizing superpowers will never exist and I end up sad, so basically I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with this before and what you did to make it stop because I want this to stop very badly as with my own self-awareness I can see where our world is a nice place and you can experience a lot of things but I never have the energy or motivation to experience it. + + +Sorry if this is a lot to read but I'm at my breaking point and I don't know what to do with myself and I really want to make this emptiness inside me to go away, I'm tired of living in a dull boring world.",I don't feel suicidal but I also don't see a purpose on going on,1 +666,"I feel like shit. I feel like I have nothing left. I can do nothing. I have no options and I ahve no choice over my own life. I don't want to exist. Everything in life feels too stressful and like too much. I can't get a job I am out of school. I don't have the capability or option to to either. I have no skills and no motivation for anything I used to enjoy. Nobody understands more. Nobody knows the real me. I can't talk to anybody. My family don't understand. I have not friends. I see no reason to continue. I am a burden on my family. They'd be better off not having to deal with me. I basically don't exist so there is no reason for me to try to. +I want help but I cannot get any. I cannot reach out. I am unable of talking to people. I literally cannot speak to most people. My family won't belive me or take me seriously and I'm scared of them. I want to die but if I do then I will die as somebody else. I just want to be me. But I cannot. I have been trying for so long. I have tried to keep going but I am reaching a point where I feel like I'm going insane. I want to scream and destroy something. I want this feeling to just end but it won't. I don't want this life. I wish I wasn't me. I wish I were just normal. Or just had never existed. I should have never existed. We should never have been twins. I am only an inconvenience. I am disgusting. I don't deserve my life. I don't deserve to eat. I don't deserve my family. I don't deserve help. I don't deserve to be loved.",I don't want to exist,1 +667,"might delete later in case they see this- I don’t think they’re a Reddit user, but just in case. I really need advice on how to help my friend. I thought it would be easy, since I’ve struggled with depression for about 3 years now, but I just can’t find the words to give any helpful advice. I’m really worried about them, and they’re addicted to a few things (though they don’t think that they have a problem), so I’m scared that whatever I say or do is going to make it worse, especially since they often talk about wanting to commit suicide. + +All I want is to help them, but they often stop talking about it once I start to sound worried. There isn’t anyone else that I can ask for help at this point, so I’m hoping to maybe get some advice from here. Sorry if this is kind of vague, I really don’t want them to find out.",advice for helping my friend,1 +668,"I can't keep going on + +What can I say? I'm depressed, very hard to find motivation to move on, to complete tasks. I'm in college now, and studying became so hard I can't describe. In school I was one of the best students and a couple years later remembering and learning even a tiny pieces of new information is extremely hard. Even if it's something relatively easy. Back in the daysI could read for hours, not only fiction literature, but books about history, science and everything. Now I'm barely completing the minimum to stay in college. + +I'm trying to be more socially active, go outside, go to gym, try to learn something new every day but everything stays the same. Well, not exactly the same, because it just keeps getting harder. + +I don't believe I'll be able to finish college, find love(I'm really bad at social interactions and meeting new people), find a job, and become happy. Every day it is only harder and harder to move on and deal with problems. +I've also fallen in love with a girl that don't find me interesting. +I hate being in love, because it never plays well, and in the end, all relationships I had, ended badly. My last gf dumped my on my birthday more than a year ago and I spent next half year to recover from that. Than I have fallen in love with this girl, we had some nice conversation and I did fall in love, but she didn't. Of course I'm not blaming her for that but damn, I haven't fallen in love like this since the second grade, my feelings for her are so strong. I usually lose the ability to speak adequately and formulate thoughts when I am around her. +On the bright side, two weeks ago I bought myself an acoustic guitar, which was my little dream for a couple of years, and I'm making some progress in that direction. And this despite the fact that never in my life I've done anything even relatively connected to music. But I like it. + +Peace to everyone who read this to the end. Hope you're doing okay.",I can't keep going on with my life,1 +669,It’s been a rough day already and it only started 3 hours ago. I always struggle with self doubt but today the thoughts are here tenfold. Struggling with the urge to sh. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. It just feels like I’m crying wolf and it makes me feel manipulative. I don’t know if I want to cry or sit and stare blankly. I’ve never been a dissociative person but days like today make me wish I was. I’m tired of feeling things and being overwhelmed by all my thoughts. I just want them to stop.,Rough days suck,1 +670,"everyday i wake up and snooze my alarms, slog through classes, do homework last minute, jerk off when i know it makes me depressed, spend money, overeat and smoke weed. + +i feel like i have lost control fully and i just don’t care. + +i don’t want to live like this forever.",I know that if i was more responsible i wouldn’t feel so depressed but i have no desire to get better.,1 +671,"I've always felt like something was missing in my life. It was a nagging feeling, a sense of emptiness that I couldn't shake no matter what I did. + +But then, as I wrote my thoughts and feelings onto the page, I felt the presence of someone reading these words. It was as if there was someone out there who was willing to listen to me, to understand the things that I had been carrying around for so long. + +As you continue to read these words, unfiltered and unvarnished, I feel a sense of hope. Hope that someone out there is willing to spend time getting to know me, to understand the thoughts and feelings that I keep hidden from the world. + +It's a strange feeling, to know that someone is reading the things that go through my mind. But it's also incredibly comforting, to know that I'm not alone anymore, that someone out there cares enough to read what I have to say. + +I don't feel lonely anymore, because I know that you're out there, reading these words. It's like we're connected in a way that's hard to explain, like we're sharing something special. + +And so, as you continue to read, I want you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate the time you're taking to understand me, to think about the things that I'm saying. + +You're showing me that I'm interesting enough to be worth reading, and that means more to me than you could ever know. I feel loved, in a way that's hard to explain, but it's real, and it's powerful. + +So thank you, dear reader, for spending this time with me. Thank you for giving me hope, for showing me that there's more to life than just the empty feeling that I've been carrying around for so long",just something to help cope I think.,1 +672,"when i was 14 going on 15 i was going to end it before my 15th birthday. ihad it all planned out and without triggering anyone/giving any ideas, i knew it was going to work and be successful. i remember going to where i was about to do it, i felt such a rush , so much excitement and relief knowing that it will all be over in a few months. i decided that i was going to do it either 1-2 months before my birthday so it gives my family enough time to recover and quickly get over it, then my birthday won’t be difficult as it will be a while since i’ve passed. + +a boy in my class also told me that when i die, he will throw a huge party and invite the entire year group. this made me more excited to end it, gave me that motivation knowing that no one would care and instead see it as such an amazing thing that i’m not here. for once in my life i’m doing the right thing. i wanted to know more about it and would always bring it up to him in the class, asking who’s going to be invited, can anyone bring a plus 1 and where it would be. + +suddenly though life just happened, my mom was in an abusive relationship, she couldn’t take it anymore and so we had to move away to start a new life, new school, everything. i didn’t realise any of this was happening until we actually left. in that moment i just wanted to be there for my mom, she would be crying a lot and looked so drained. in a new environment having to start all over again, my original plan of ending it back home i just knew in my heart it wouldn’t work and my mom really needed me so i stayed alive + +i’m 19 now and its gotten better for everyone but me. i still have these thoughts and i regret not doing it, even after everything that happened which i know just makes me a bad person ): i’m in therapy rn but it’s early days i idk if i should tell her all this. oh well. + +some support would be great though, do any of you feel this way and wish you just did it",my biggest regret in life is not ending it when i had the perfect opportunity,1 +673,My ex decided to have a baby 3 months after our divorce and I feel like I’m dying.,Ex,1 +674,"Can we just take a minute to appreciate that going under general anaesthetic is the best feeling ever because it’s like you’re actually falling asleep into death. Free trial for real :) + +Best 30 seconds ever. + +Also feeling your consciousness fade away when they give you an IV of pain meds hits so good. 10/10 would recommend.",Perfect break from depression and life,1 +675,"Sometimes I feel completely worthless as a short guy. Whenever I talk about my struggles, I get bombarded with 'it's not your height, but your attitude"". But believe me when you live as a short guy your whole life and see all women fawn over tall men, it hurts, it completely crushes your soul. I have never in my entire lifetime heard a woman say they like short men. Maybe I could have but it's almost negligible to how many times I've heard ""tall men are so masculine, protective, dominant"" And stuff like that. The media is filled with tall men being the protagonist and all the women fawning over them. I mean how could someone live with this. I know a lot of people are gonna say, be stoic and shit, but doing that is very hard. I wanna be completely transparent that my hatred for women has also increased because of this. I don't see a way out of this. I have tried to find ways but it's impossible to escape this. Sometimes I literally hate my mother and sisters as well. I have asked my sisters about their type and they have also said the same thing:-""TALL MEN"". It's brutal.",I just don't wanna live as a short guy,1 +676,Since i was a kid i’ve sometimes gotten this strange feeling that is impossible to explain. Its kind of an anxious feeling but it has somethign to do with sizes of things. I srsly dont have a way to explain it! Its kind of like i feel like i’m physically the size of an ant or the size of an elephant? Even though im well aware that im not. And that doesnt even describe it well enough. This makes no sense… pls help me haha,A thing i can not explain but i’ll give it my best shot,1 +677,"I've have never had any real friends and i am always sad every darn day. + +I'm trying my hardest to make an things positive it's easier said than done. + +&#x200B; + +I dont know how to deal with this illness.",Depression Everyday,1 +678,"I dont do anything, I just sit at home playing videogames. I dont leave the house until I have to. I will never get a job. My room is dirty and mouldy. I cant do even basic things, no one could ever love me and I am digusting and ugly. I wish i could just do something, but I am not good at anything that might help me getting a good life.",I am awful,1 +679,Nothing is okay anymore. I fake it when I have to just because I know it will make everyone feel better. They don't know I'm doing so shitty all the time. Why should they?,Everyone Wants Me To Pretend,1 +680,I was fired early February and I have been so depressed ever since. I have nightmares about it at least once a week. I'm in school full time and had to drop one of my classes because I was failing so badly. I have no willingness to do my homework at all. idk what to do. I'm already on 20mg lexapro. it helps me not feel suicidal and makes me function I guess. I just feel so down and ashamed. I loved my job and right now I have 100 dollars to my name. I just recently got another job but don't start until april 3rd. and won't full pay til April 25th most likely. please someone tell me this is normal:/,how long does depression last after getting fired?,1 +681,"There is a persistent feeling of uneasiness and insecurity that permeates so many of my actions. I feel like somehow, unconsciously, I'm sabotaging my own future. Academically, socially, romantically, it feels like I'm constantly out of the loop on some essential piece of information that's going to come back and bite me in the future and ruin any chances of living a comfortable life. All I really want is to be modestly happy and to have the space to enjoy the few things that make me feel that life is worth living (family, love, reading, cooking, hiking, etc). But there is this never ending feeling of insecurity that I'll never achieve this. I know there are no guarantees and that our future is really out of our hands, but it just gets me down so much knowing that there's a possibility I'll be alone in the future or I'll end up too poor to engage in my passions, or that my life will become an endless stream of meaningless labour and bills, or that I'll reach a point where my opportunities in life have irrevocably passed and I'm trapped in a depressive, meagre existence forever. Probably sounds dramatic, but I just can't help this way of thinking, I always feel like there's something better I could be doing, some area of my life that needs to be optimised, some chain of decisions that once met will lead me to the best possible outcome. At the end of it all it just makes me want to withdraw and give up because of all the pressure.",Constant feeling that I'm doing something wrong.,1 +682,very very very very very sick sick sick sick sick sick I thought thougt I got betar yestaday and todey but but woke up feeling badd I canot explain how feel it so sudden I went sleep while ago feeling okay now I feel horribel i hate it i mey go back to sleep and see if feel better but idk man,feel sick,1 +683,"For 2 weeks I’m good and feel like things are looking up and then it’s like a switch where everything turns to shit. + +In the bad weeks, I can’t leave the house and everyone is unbearable which really affects my life. Has anyone dealt with this and does anyone have any tips? + +Side note, I’ve been on every medication and refuse to use it anymore.",On and off depression?,1 +684,"I see on the tv/ internet all these celebrities who are incredibly rich living their best lives. I am 35 years old and I have nothing, no house, no real friends. I have vitiligo which could spread all over my body. I never been in a relationship and probably never will due to vitiligo.",Why is life so unfair,1 +685,"For some context my abusive ex is the reason why I was in the mental hospital. Someone who I thought was my friend was talking to him and flirting with him knowing what I’ve been through. The betrayal put me into yet another depression a month after my hospitalization. + +2 weeks ago I weighed 132 and now I dropped down to 127. My appetite is barely there and I’ll often skip out on meals because I don’t have the energy to get out of bed. My dad is commenting on how little I’m eating and encourages me to eat more but I’m not hungry and eating seems like such a chore. My best friend (sister to the friend who betrayed me) will also encourage me to eat and will give me snacks. It’s not an eating disorder but rather I just completely lost my appetite and when I am hungry eating seems so tiring. I don’t want to be this way.",I’m barely eating,1 +686,"I am exhausted. The thought of getting out of bed most days feels extremely difficult. The thought of making myself food and eating feel impossible. I used to not be able to go to sleep hungry, but more recently, i do it every day. If i am tired i am going straight to bed even if i am starving. Sometimes when i take vitamins my brain thinks that is enough to keep off my hunger while i sleep. + +A few months ago i completely lost my appetite and didn't eat for over a day. It went away and my appetite came back, but recently I've been eating only one or two meals a day. Not because i want to lose weight. I just am so tired. + +If it's not fast food i can barely eat it. I can't eat a lot anymore. Sometimes the smell of food is sickening even if I'm hungry. Most of my meals are fast food. + +I am constantly hungry, but it doesn't bother me as much anymore. + +Has anyone else felt like this?",I inadvertently starve myself,1 +687,anyone success with pregabalin on depression without nasty side effects like ssri?,pregabalin as for depression monotherapy,1 +688,"I have always been alone. No friends, no partners, no fun experiences, no nothing. I’m not good at anything either. I have no hobbies or will to fulfill my tasks. I often see people on social media posting themselves with their partners and friends about how much fun they have and then there is me, a total loser that can’t focus on anything. A social reject with no skills, anxiety, derealization and a bland personality. Nothing about me is enthralling. I am waisting my youth trapped in my room, left to rot by my own kind. I get possessive, obsessive and moody all the time but I swear i can’t control myself. Either mania or depression, I am always alone. Nobody is rescuing me. I’m always getting used and owned by others and I can’t do anything, no matter how much I change. Why me?",I hate my life,1 +689,"Hi guys. First time on this sub. Im here because i cant talk about this with anyone anymore. My gf is tired of hearing my depressed talk. Family too. I don’t blame them. I’ve always suffered from anxiety but its been a year since I’ve been experiencing depression. Im not diagnosed, not been to therapy, Ive been broke and have to eat too. But its an overwhelming feeling. + +I feel tired, i dont wanna do anything. Its hard for me to enjoy anything. I feel like Im a failure. Im about to be 30 and I dont have shit, my career as an artist sucks, im not getting no clients and also its extremely hard to put myself out there cause I feel like im So miserable people will be able to tell. I dont wanna see people anymore, I hate to being asked how im doing. I feel it’s exhausting for my loved ones to deal with me and I cant really blame them. It’s exhausting for me too. Maybe they dont have the tools to understand. Im never hungry anymore. + +Something triggered me yesterday, a friend of mine is getting engaged and i hate myself cause I really wanna be happy For them and I am. But also served as a reminder for me: im in a very low point in my life and I don’t know how to get out. It makes me feel so miserable when I think of how miserable i ended up to be. If that makes sense. + +And ive tried to do certain things. Learning new things. To distract myself. But i still have this overwhelming sadness on me and I really try to ser a way this will get better but seems to only get worse. I really dont see the right path. My dreams and aspirations are all broken and I can only cry when thinking about them. And i know there’s plenty people in probably worse situations than myself and I feel like maybe I shouldn’t be complaining. But i dont know what to do. Theres so many layers to this. I often ser my belongings and think of whatll people do with them if I die. + +I try to imagine the world without me and itll really wont be missing anything. Im thinking about my death every day now and Im afraid. Im writing this here cause I dont feel I have people to talk about this anymore and just wanted to let it out. I tried t summarize it as much as I could.",Im getting tired of trying,1 +690,"I feel overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. When I'm at work, I have to be 100% all the time, but I can't do that. I've tried looking at other jobs with the same or better pay and same hours but nothing has worked out. + +I can't keep up with my household chores or duties. I feel like I'm a burden every time I ask for help. I feel like there's no point but to give up.",I don't know what I'm doing anymore,1 +691,"I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I went to college just because I couldn't see myself working, I was able to get into my dream college, but not on the course I wanted. They rejected me because there was too many people. I do ""enjoy"" (mostly just tolerate) the subject I'm studying, but I hate the thought of actually putting in hours of work just to get a passing grade. When I get home, I can't think of anything but sitting down and watching something, stop thinking about my real life that has nothing to offer. I don't study at all. I used to draw every day and I must say I'm pretty good at it, but I just don't see the point anymore. My friends are not interested in my life whatsoever, even though I'm always asking how they are doing and if they need any help I don't remember the last time somebody texted me just to talk. My parents say they love me, but I can't really believe it thanks to their lack of interest in my childhood. Money is not a problem for me, they never said that they want me to pay them, but I feel like I should put in at least a little bit of money. I got sick two days ago and all I hear when my mother gets home is that the dishes are not clean. They ignore my confessions (I'm trans), get mad at me and then say that I'm lazy for sitting and not doing enough... Which is kind of true. All I do everyday is to think that one day it will get better, but it's hard to keep going. I can't look in the mirror, there are days where I just don't eat because I don't see the point, I don't take showers, I don't take care of my face anymore. I just feel like an intruder in this world. Useless. Piece of trash that's just thrown around. A cheer-up plushie that's useful when somebody needs a hug, or a punching bag when somebody wants to shout at it. I don't see my future. All I see is how miserable I am.",Feeling useless,1 +692,"I have nothing to offer to this world. I'm 27, never had a job or done anything to contribute to society. I did sort of OK at college (mainly studied IT Software) but even then I had no idea of what job I wanted, what my career path would be. With this lack of guidance, I tried to go to supported internship places for a few years (I'm always told that because of my autism I need support). They got me some internships at various places (cafe, photography shop, printer's shop, charity shop), but I never felt useful. I always felt like I was too slow, and in the way of the actual useful people there that were just trying to do their job. + +I lead with my ""job"" history like this, because it seems to be all society cares about. At every turn it seems like people are talking about their ""productivity"", and their life is based around that. Which makes me feel bad because I haven't been ""productive"" since I left college in 2016. I have no motivation to do anything. Most people work because they need money to live somewhere, eat and survive, but I'm a spoilt asshole who mooches off of their mother. We live on benefits, which easily pay the bills and allow us to live a very comfortable life, which I constantly feel bad about because most people my age I see struggling to even make ends meet, but this is how it is I guess. I'm sorry. + +Sometimes things such as a new video game I'm looking forward to, or getting to hang out with a friend keeps me going and gives me at least enough motivation to not just lie in bed all day scrolling facebook or sleeping. But recently I haven't really had that. I play video games because it's something to do but I'm rarely excited about them these days. I very rarely (like a couple times a year if I'm lucky) do anything with a friend, because it seems like I'm always the one that has to ask to go out and do anything with them, but I don't want to bother them by asking that. It's lucky that I even have any friends. The rare friendships I have arise from me finding someone who has things in common with me (because if we don't have likes, dislikes, personality traits etc in common, I can't think of anything to talk to them about), and somehow finding the courage and drive to speak up to talk to them and try to befriend them. Which isn't easy because I'm too stupid to think of stuff to say a lot of the time, and my voice is really difficult for people to understand. But then because of a lack of me maintaining them, the friendships usually fall apart. People usually have much more interesting and less depressing friends than me that they'd rather spend time with I guess. + +Maybe I should seek help. I have done in the past, I've had appointments with therapists. (I'm lucky enough to live in the UK with free healthcare. My deepest sympathies go to those who don't have this luxury and have to go into debt just to have someone to talk about their mental and emotional struggles) But because I'm so inarticulate and slow, and my thoughts are so scattered, it takes me a while to think of what to talk about, and the sessions only allow so much time. So usually not that much comes of it and I leave feeling unsatisfied, and what the therapist says to me usually don't really help, which is my fault because I'm fucking beyond help. I sometimes tell my best friend what's wrong, and she tries to help, but this is basically just me using her as a therapist, which is shitty of me, and she's too nice to tell me to shut up and stop being so depressing all the time. I feel like this is driving her away, which would be horrible, because it would be extremely difficult for me to find new meaningful friendships. I'm not sure where I'd go to make friends, and then there's the matter of me finding what to say, and my voice... but the point I'm getting towards, is, I'm not sure why people should care. I struggle with depression, but so do a lot of people. And those people probably actually have skills, and the potential to actually do something with their life. I feel like it's selfish for me to feel like I deserve help. When people suggest things to me that might help me to feel better, I never feel the motivation to actually do them. I'm stuck in my comfort zone I guess, of just lying in bed, occasionally playing video games when I can find the motivation to even do that, eating and sleeping. I'm a completely useless person with nothing to offer society. I always have been. Why should anyone care about me? I should just be left to die.",Why should anyone care about me.,1 +693,"Hello guys! This is my first post here so please dont judge me! +First of all sorry for my bad English (Its not my own language) and second, this is a little peak trough my life and how I feel and what Im scared of. +Okay, Im 16 years old boy, who lives in a small town near big city, I dont have much friends but I do actually have a few (which I dont know if real or fake). +I have ADHD and Bipolar disorder but its not a big deal (I mean, its always fun with it). I am the class clown type of guy, I mean, I take everything as a joke even in the most serious moments. I feel like I am having the worst time of persons life. My head is a full mess and I often find myself comunicating with myself, which again is strange but I dont find it that bad. Whenever I go I get the same stare from people, Im always the goofy dumb friend that take everything as a joke and cant understand nothing, but I AM NOT. I want people to ztart respecting me, I have always been the good guy and I cant change that part of myself, no matter how hard I try (Sorry guys for changing the subject that quick, but as I said my head is a mess and I want to release everything that I have been holding back this long). For myself I can actually say that Im pretty smart but in the right moment (not in math class) but in situations that are on the cliff ( if you know what am sayin). I am not good at school but not bad either and I almost forgot to tell you, that I get the same piercing the soul look from my teacher as well. I dont know what to do? I am not good at anything, but decent at some things. I have tried many things such as sports, music, reading, video games. I just loose interest too quickly and everyone makes fun of me. I cant keep a normal conversation with a girl and I had only 1gf in my entire life (she left me for her ex). Im starting to get scared bc I dont know what to do after graduating high school (should I work, or study more, and If I do what?). My parents are really caring for me (have I mentioned that Im an only child and dont have brother or sister to rely on), but my mother is too imposing ( if thats the word). I know that they want the best for me and Im trying to be the best only son in the world, and it works but only for them. I am not the masculine big man, that girls want- I am just a small 13yrs looking boy who often people confuses as girl (and no, I AM NOT GAY OR SMTH). It just feels that Im noot good enough for anyone in this shitty world. I have a best friend who is an ""Alpha"" and cant understand my problem, because he have everything. I just want peace and love (is that so hard). I make myself goofy and clown to make people underastemate me, and I got to a pint where the things got out of control and became everyones toy. If you need any more things to hear you can always text me (I will be happy to find friends here) +Thx guys, and sorry for making you read all this mess coming straight from my head and emotions. I will be happy if you respond to this guys. See ya. + +Oh, and I almost forgot. I am not just 16yrs old with normal teen problems. I mean this s*it different from the others. See ya",I need help,1 +694,I feel like I can’t do anything with my life because of how tired I am. I am meant to be completing my final year of university and I just don’t have the energy.,Does anyone have any advice on dealing with depression and chronic fatigue?,1 +695,I am 26 M Muslim Who supposed to fast the holy month of Ramadan. I am suffering from severe depression and anxiety. How can I survive in this month ?,need some help in Ramadan,1 +696,"I’m thinking of joining the marines or army at least then I’ll have a roof over my head and food in my tummy. Though I’m currently at a trade school program for those exact reasons but it sucks here, feels like high school. Death sounds so peaceful but I know I don’t got the guts to do shit. Fml",I have no place to call home,1 +697," ive been stuck in frequent episodes of just sadness and i think it killed my personality. i want to be witty minded again and actually have thoughts and be able to explain my thoughts that it doesn't sound so monotone or just bland. i don't know how to get it back and i try so hard and it doesn't work and i end up hating myself for it. i hate the way i speak and i think straightforward instead of being adventurous and i want who i used to be before i got sad. + +are there any ways of finding yourself again? i need ways of expressing myself and drilling into my head that i need to think before i speak.",how do i get my personality back after depressive episodes,1 +698,Today is off to such a shitty start and it’s only 10am. My boyfriend and I got in a huge fight and I couldn’t stop crying and the worst part was he didn’t even care and kicked me out of his house So I’m guessing we’re done because I will never forgive him for that. And my friend of 10 yrs who I thought was my friend just blocked me on everything with no explanation and to top it off it’s my exs birthday who’s died I feel like the universe hates me today and is reminding me I’ll always be alone. I knew I should’ve just stayed home yesterday.,Worst day ever,1 +699,"yes its retarded, yes its not gonna fulfill anything, yes its probably gonna destroy my brain and make me even more lonely. i feel like doing it because there's just something real to it, a lot more real than living in a society because eventually everyone returns to the same mediocre state and after a long time, the same realization that there's to no true happiness and its just a constant chase",feel like just living as an outcast,1 +700,"Sorry, if this question is dumb. Most people who have panic attacks they fear the symptoms especially the heart palpitations and the feeling of near death. I wonder if the person is suicidal and doesn't fear death or tried killing themselves before will panic attack happen ?",People who are suicidal have panic attacks ?,1 +701,"so, back when i was really depressed i cut myself. it felt good, it looked beautiful. but now when my mind is a bit cleared up, i find cutting awful. i just saw some pictures of cut wrists and god i feel nauseous. anyways have a good day",something about cutting,1 +702,"I recently talked to a psychologist, i noticed that i needed help but it didn’t helped a lot. +I can’t eat even if sometimes i am hungry ( i don’t have any problems with my weight), i vomit like every day for no reason. +I have to wait like 3 hours to sleep just because my brain doesn’t stop talking for a second. +Nothing seems to go right these days, i tried everything but i can’t help myself even if i try. +It feels like my stomach is trying to expel my feelings outside. +I also broke up with my girlfriend cause we were both depressed af and we couldn’t help each others. +I feel like i can’t go any deepeer, can someone helps me to find out how can i survive to my self. +( sorry for my bad english)",I am depressed,1 +703,"I just exist. I'm 16, in my final year of high school, and I should be full of excitement for the life ahead of me, and I should feel motivated to work hard to achieve my dreams, and I should be enjoying life with my friends...yet here I am. useless. + +I haven't felt good about myself in what feels like years. I either hate myself, or I feel nothing at all. Things went downhill from the beginning of high school. My academics kept getting worse, and my extra curriculars didn't get much better. I haven't had a lasting relationship, and my longest friendship is on the verge of ruin because of my jealousy (my best friend is better than me in literally every single way). I am super unhealthy and lag behind pretty much everyone in my class when it comes to fitness. I can't even do basic daily things without screwing up, which just makes me feel more dumb. + +I have become a failure. I have failed my parents, and I have failed myself. There is nothing about me right now that I can be proud of, and I'm running out of time to turn things around. And even after being fully aware of the state that I'm in, I cant seem to get myself to do better. I'm simply watching my life pass me by. Now, I do not wish to end my life or hurt myself, but I wish there was a reset button. I wish I could start all over again. But that's just life I guess.",nothing is good anymore,1 +704,So I’m having a severe episode and been having heavy suicidal thoughts and ideation. I’ve been prescribed Wellbutrin and lorazepam. I have noticed that the lorazepam even in the smallest dose stops the suicidal thoughts. Anyone can explain why that is?,Benzos stopping suicidal thoughts?,1 +705,False hope is my worst pain hating your appearance for 75% of the day looking in the mirror once and liking what you see only to realize you really are that ugly the hope completely destroys me actually expecting to like what you see and then being greeted with indescribable disappointment and total resentment to what you see almost comical,The worst pain,1 +706,"Just as the title says, I really don't know what to do with myself. Both emotionally and day to day tasks. +I was laid off almost 2 months ago now and I find myself struggling to be/ wanting to be productive, I have no interest in doing anything, and just feeling abandoned on an island. Yes I know I'm struggling with depression, that's nothing new in my life. +My partner is the sole bread winner at the moment and I'm struggling with my value as a person and as his partner. He's very much an absent partner at this point. He plays his game every day all night (and the whole day on the weekends) to de-stress. He ""helps"" by doing possibly one task a day which is usually feeding the dog as I make dinner. I do everything else. I do all cleaning, shopping, cooking, administrative, and ect. I've had talks with him asking of him to do more and his defense is that he ""helps"" and it honestly pisses me off that he refuses to understand no matter how many ways I try to express to him I am struggling. He is a part of this household and I am not is caregiver. +Hes already not an affectionate kind of person. His version of cuddling is putting his arm on my lap for the maybe hour we spend together on the couch during dinner. And I except this about him. It just makes me feel even more removed from him when I'm struggling with my value. + +I'm out of lost as to what to do. I find myself paralyzed daily. I want to work out and lose weight, but I'm too ugly to be seen in public. I want to go out and make friends, but my nuero divergences tell me I'm too weird too. I want to work on a better career, and can't do a thing except stare at my courses. Everything I want requires steps and I can't bring myself to take them no matter how hard I push. + +I just needed a space to pretend that I am heard. I would love any tips if there are any out there with finding and solidifing your self worth. Thank you.",Idk what to do with myself,1 +707,"It feels like I repeat the same day every day. I have to take on everyone’s problems. I wake up and I hate my life, I go to sleep hating my life. Hating myself, feeling useless. I want to just pick up and go and even though I understand my depression will follow I feel like I need the opportunity to be in a new environment to learn more about myself and how to cope with how I feel. The repetitiveness is driving me deeper into a dark hole and I feel like I won’t be able to get out. I want to just pick up and leave but my anxiety won’t let me, I need money, I need a way to get around. I have a life here even though I don’t even wanna be alive here. I just wanted to get this off my chest. When I tell the people around me I want to go back to my home country they tell me I’m crazy and that I shouldn’t.",I hate my life,1 +708,"A couple weeks ago, I started a new job. + +I'm a 30yo male web dev, with only just over a year of working experience. + +My previous job was working for a guy building some side projects (mostly web3 based stuff), but we didn't run with any of them. + +Well, a few weeks ago he told myself and the 1 other dev he hired that he needs to focus on his primary business, since that's keeping him too busy to really get stuck into anything with us. + +It's understandable and he was even awesome enough to hook us both up with jobs at a another startup. + +At first I was pretty excited, since this startup is also web3 based and most of my knowledge and skills involve blockchain tech. + +Well, as it turns out they're primarily making use of the MEAN stack (more specifically Ionic) and up until a few weeks ago, I had 0 experience with that stack. + +My experience is primarily writing smart contracts with Solidity and I would say I'm probably even above average, when it comes to it. + +I also have a little experience when it comes to React/Next and Nest.js + +Unfortunately for me, even though they're a web3 company, they don't need much in the way of smart contracts, and what they do need is a full stack MEAN dev... + +I've felt like a fish out of water recently, but I've been trying my best. + +For the past, nearly a month, I've been spending 70+ hours a week working and studying. + +I'm pretty much either learning the tech, working, going to the gym here and there or sleeping. + +I still feel like I haven't learned enough fast enough though and I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose this job... + +If I do, I don't know what I'm going to do and that scares me and seriously gets me down. + +I've seriously even thought about ending it all, if I lose this job. + +Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest and if anyone has any advice or guidance, I'm open to anything. + +Thanks.",My new job makes me want to be dead,1 +709,"Hi. I’m a med school student who doesn’t know how they’re feeling. I don’t know if I’ve been feeling this way for so long because of my bad grades, which I heavily suspect but something just feels off. Like it’s not the whole picture. + +Waking up every morning and getting things done are hard. If I didn’t have classes to go to, I would not move out of bed at all. Getting dressed and brushing my teeth are such a huge effort that it takes so long to get done. I feel neutral or sad almost all the time, like I forgot what feeling happiness is. Watching videos or listening to music would help sometimes, but I don’t find any fun in them anymore. I’ve mostly withdrawn from talking to my friends who don’t know but they don’t suspect anything yet. + +I frequently wish I wasn’t alive by thoughts and urges but have not acted on it. Like not wanting to live but not wanting to die. I don’t know what I’m going through or if it’s all just a byproduct of stress and failure. Online tests and the DSM-5 all point to depression but my mind says I’m faking it. + +I have friends who listen, and my brother who knows about it. They all asked me to get help but I don’t know if I warrant it. Sorry if it’s a messy block of text, my thoughts are spilling as I type this. Thank you.",Depression from stress?,1 +710,"I’ve been struggling with depression for a few years now, particularly when my mom passed 2 years ago. Yet this month has been brutal. I lost my dream job after 10 years there due to budget cuts. I know that I was one of the top performers there, but obviously that wasn’t visible to the person making that decision… Also this week my romantic partner whom I am completely in love with told me she isn’t interested in me anymore… I don’t understand why, but I’m also not surprised. I was reaching WAY above my station with her, so I always knew she would move on eventually, but it still broke my heart. I feel abandoned and alone… +Then on top of that, I constantly feel like a failure and a disappointment to the people who do love me. And like I’m a poison, slowly eating away at those around me and destroying my relationships. +I hate myself so much… I remember when I used to be happy, when I used to be confident, but that seems impossible these days…",I’m losing everything around me.,1 +711,"i woul love to hear your rexperiences and methdos are the mot effective to release some of the energY/anxiety that has arised frim my depression. + +Some of theses symptoms are: low tolerance to fail + +unable to feel joy that can last lomger than 10 minues + +social isolation + +Ihave descontrolled bullima and i have stolen from other people's food + +All thius is so siu¡dustung. I am feeling so narcissistic . My depressuion wilkl roiune my relation",I really want to hear from other individuals that are trying to make baby steps towards beating depression,1 +712,"What do you y’all do when waiting for a therapist on waitlist? Or when therapy is not working? + +I am hanging on by a thread and can’t find a good therapist. I have been at this going on 2 yrs. I have been optimistic and from what I found out therapy doesn’t really work and I have gotten the same feedback from other ppl. Despite hearing that I have went into therapy myself and experienced the similar things. + +I am getting no where and have actually developed new problems since going to therapy.",Can someone please help?,1 +713,"Alright I have to get this out, basically my mother had gaslit me for a long time, taking control over my life and emotionally abusing me by always blaming me for everything and getting my father on her side so that he would blindly support her. This went on for multiple years and stopped at some point (as far as I know, Idk if I have just gitten blind to it) it was not too long after all of it that she started saying that she could not remember any of it, this has gotten to a point that I even started questioning my own memory of my childhood. I often find myself questioning if I remember something right just because of this and I can't really get myself to trust her 100% even getting scared of her sometimes that she might do something to me. + +I also remember wanting to jump out the window at like age 10, the intend was there but I think it was also to see if my mother cared. I ended up not doing it because her reaction was just nothing, I didn't expect her to just not care at all. + +I also had a lot of pressure due to my grades being very bad, I at one point got even worse grades due to me trying to escape into my fantasy, that did go on for about 2 years, therapy could have helped but no one thought of that. My grades eventually got better and I graduated and am now at university. + +I'm currently trying to get therapy and hopefully come to terms with everything in atleast some way.",Venting about childhood,1 +714,"what is your reaction when people vent or tell their pathetic and sad life to you ? + +like for example : they live in the street or whatever and they ask you what u would do if that was you and you’re so weak that you’re already laughing at how QUICKLY you would’ve kys in this situation ?? 😂 like you don’t even do it on purpose but u laugh because your life is objectively so much less tragic but you’re kinda like « bro I could nevaaaaah 😭💅 »… + +bc i feel like this 100% of the time, i can’t do the easiest thing ? like just go out and study for more than 2 months without encountering situations that just proves me i don’t belong in this society/world ? + +i’m so so so tired but there’s a fucking thing that just tolds me i don’t deserve to die but i mean that’s a lie, everyone deserves it, especially me… + +idk what to do to not suffer and not kms ? i don’t like anything anymore , i’ve been thinking the same thing since i’m 15, i don’t have a passion, don’t have a purpose, and i’m fucking angry with everyone… + +i’m actually really jealous of people getting out of depression… because that’s what shows they’re normal ppl that are getting sad when something v sad happens to them. + +it’s not my case, i don’t like this world and i don’t wanna live in it. + +idk it makes me sick to see ppl wake up everyday to do things i will never ever want to do in my life.??? + +like wtf you obtain by watching sunsets and walking and just wake up everyday ? it’s boring…. there’s no purpose wtf i’m so pissed rn…. + +sometimes i even picture myself in if i would have lived the same way as my parents and I KNOW I WOULD KILL MYSELF INSTANTLY. + +i don’t picture myself to be happy, ever. + +i even have a boyfriend for 3 years now and i’m even more sad. + +the only thing that makes my life a little better is drugs music porn alcohol and sex (and since i have a boyfriend sex is so boring and even now that we are in a open relationship i don’t even have the motivation to see people) + +i used to live for flirting with guys before, i really had nothing else that made me feel good… + +now idk… i just feel like a depressive person going through a depression ?sometimes i can’t even get out of bed to roll a joint bc i have no strength… + +i dropped out of school a lot and i have nothing to offer to this word (officially, bc unofficially i know i’m smart, i know how to help people, i could have made myself useful but 1) ppl don’t let me show them, bc i have no diplomas or anything to show them my worth 2) even tho ppl want me somewhere i end up burn out int and disappearing bc deep down i don’t wanna live this life. PERIOD) + +also i have a very strong sense of value and i find so fucking pathetic the fact that anyone can just THINK they’re smart and could be useful while being actually just a loser all their life. + +as an example my boyfriend which is even dumber than me is always thinking he can be rich and can enter any school (thanks to me he knows he set his expectations too high) but he believes he can get rich af without KNOWING A SINGLE NOTION IN FINANCE OR BUSINESS COURSES ??? (he doesn’t even have a GED equivalent at 22 and their friends and even parents says « thinking is not his specialty ») + +like wtf that’s why i’m also so mad at him, bc he’s disposed to be a loser but unlike me he’s happy like a fucking moron ??? + +idk that’s just too much, now he wants to go live abroad. AND GUESS WHAT. +that stupid moron never ever thought about that in his entire life so he doesn’t know any other cultures or languages except our (french) and he still thinks he can get a job in a country like Singapore Canada Switzerland The US ?????!!!! + +anyway he’s a pure reflection of how much my life is a disaster. + +mentally he is the opposite of what i’ve ever wanted and supported ? + +even politically he’s just following the trends, he believes what anybody says as long as it’s in a video…. + +anyway i wanna die but i don’t even hate him enough to do that to him. + +i feel pity for him but i’m the one who’s sad wtf",tired,1 +715,"Just last year I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression, I was given antidepressants but I hated how I physically feel after taking it. +It made me feel worse (dizziness and nausea are just a few). I was asked to go back see the doctor January 3 but I didn’t want to. + +This time I promised myself 2023 will be better year as 2022 was a shitshow for me. + +I wanted to get and feel better. I worked out a lot, did a lot of fun things, enjoyed old and new hobbies. But then at some point when all of the things I do are done I’m back at the pit of despair. + +Sometimes I go out to new places and document everything, enjoyed a lot of alone times because yeah it was fun but most of it was the reason of “I don’t know until when my life will be” + +I do feel shit, I have so much to be grateful for and I feel guilty to feel this way. But unfortunately I do. + +I have to distract myself to avoid killing myself, how fun is that? Lol +I used to enjoy my alone and quiet time, now I still do but quiet?idk, sometimes I’m now I’m afraid of my own thoughts. + +Tonight I laid down the floor, looked at the whole size mirror and stared at myself as if I was a dead person with open eyes. It felt so real, it feels like I am seeing the body in the mirror but I don’t actually see myself, it feels like my soul left hahaha idk if it makes sense. + +So many things to be grateful for but I just feel so empty, so tired I just wanna rest. It’s funny how I also start singing Sza’s song kill bill but I changed the lyrics to “ I just killed myself, not the best idea” + +I wish it was that easy to snap back be okay again, genuinely okay but nope, it doesn’t work that way tho. So yeah, I just wanna let it out here. I really barely don’t open up to people even my family and friends about my problems yet alone my depression, I just don’t think they’d understand and also I know they have so much on their shoulders I don’t wanna add up. + +Oh yeah, check ur friends who are happy and as if all is well, it might be just sort of a mask, and do check urself too. + +But really, I feel a little better letting it out here tho, I think 🙂",Does anyone else feel the same?,1 +716,"My son is dead, I wail into the void that was the crowd of people. The echo rummaging through their dead bodies. I grap my hair, ripping it as hard as I can to make the thundering pain in my mind cease for just a moment. I look up and run to the door to find a room I fit in, but I do not fit in my body. It is attached deep in my mind, inescapable. I want it to disappear. Please. Just make it stop, I can not bear it. It cuts my heart, the very fabric of the person that I am in half. I break into a thousand pieces, only for every piece to break into a thousand peices, again and again. There is nothing. I wake up, reminded from that moment to the moment I sleep. I hurt myself by remembering him, but forgetting him is worse. Weeks go by, how can I live with this pain. Every day. Every day I think of joining him. But how could I do this to his sisters? I have been trapped in my life with no way out, but to endure this unimaginable, indescripable, relentless, constant real pain. My dreams are nightmares, but at least I see him there. How can I let go? How can I let go of my baby? Please I just want him back. I just want to tell him how much I love him, how much he meant to me. To take back all the bad things I did and give him all the good things. I just need see him once more. Please. Please just let me see him. I wake up. Sleep is the only place I find solace. Torturous solace. Every one moves on, but how could they? I lost my world. Every part of me aches for completeness I never knew I needed. I stand up, putting on the uniform that tells me I am part okay. Okay enough to live on. But it is a clowns costume and I sewed it myself. And I look around, and people give me their well meaning words, and remind me of the real world. Its ridicolous roles I have to get back to playing. Why would I care about this utterly meaningless drivel? I want my son back. Please, I can not go on. Please, it hurts so much. + +&#x200B; + +Excuse the sloppy writing",I wrote something from the perspective of my mother,1 +717,"I really want to cry. I want to sob for an hour until my head hurts. But honestly, at this point I'm not able to. I feel awful and shitty but I cannot let it out. I want to cry and scream but I can't do it without faking it like those cringe youtubers that yell and fake being scared when playing video games + + +And when searching for sad videos to make myself cry all of them are cringe boomer shit with stock violin and ""this is so sad like if you agree!"" titles which completely distracts me and makes me want to turn it off",How do I make myself cry?,1 +718,Im really trying to quit im smoking my last cigarette today i started smoking because of my depression and i just didnt care if i died but now i really wanna quit smoking help please,15m i started smoking cigarettes now because it makes me feel good,1 +719,I have a noose in my room,Should I go back to the hospital,1 +720,"I’m a 22M, raised in a close knit semi-strict religion, only surrounded by that community. I had a rough childhood with mentally ill parents. + +I left and traveled around the world at 18 and developed some PTSD from a few situations. + +I came back, got involved with a very toxic deceptive woman, (she had untreated BPD), and this got me outcasted from my religion, which meant all of my friends and family. Then her and I broke up the same week, and I ended up homeless for 6 months, isolated. + +Many more situations continued to disturb my life and traumatize me, but now I’m no longer in a toxic relationship, but my depression is so bad I don’t even have thoughts in my head anymore- only rumination or flashbacks. I don’t know how to socialize. I still never hear from my family or all of my old friends anymore. + +Only now have I been able to begin starting over after losing my whole support system, and I don’t even know where to start. I’m scarred from all relationships, my mood swings, anxiety, and social issues are all over the board. + +I don’t know where to even start.",I don’t know how to unpack it all at this point,1 +721,Turns out I reached 6 months without sh a few days ago and didn't even notice. That's the longest I've been clean in almost 2 years and usually I would feel proud like I do every milestone but I just feel like shit. I can feel myself getting worse again and it's just getting too hard to resist the urge. My anxiety has been through the roof lately which really doesn't help. I can't talk to any of my friends or family because I just feel comfortable and honestly I just feel so alone in the world. I have so many things I wanna do and so many reasons to keep on going yet they just don't feel like enough lately. I thought this year things would be better and if things got bad again I would just force myseld to be happy. Turns out that itself can make you go down a downwards spiral. Life ain't great now so anyone got any advice? I could really use it.,I hit 6 months,1 +722,"I guess a little backstory for me: I (18) was diagnosed with depression (and ADHD if that’s at all relevant) a year or two back and have been medicated on and off since… + +but no matter if i’m medicated or not I can’t help but WANT to sleep all the time. Like I’m not always that tired, but sometimes i’ll get a very slight wave of drowsiness and take that as an opportunity to just cozy up in my bed and lay down. I don’t go on my phone laying in my bed. I just lay there. sometimes I’ll lay there with my eyes closed for a few minutes.. on and off I’ll suddenly feel a little more awake but be too comfortable to want to get up, or feel so slightly tired that I wanna just lay down and ‘fix it’ + +But I kind of like it? Like I know that if I tell people I want to sleep all day they’ll often just say it’s depression and that I ‘don’t want to exist’ or something like that.. I want to exist.. I just only ever feel so slightly motivated for 2-3hr at a time. and I live with my mother so i don’t have much real reason to get out and do anything because she seems completely fine with supporting me (which I still often feel bad about still depending on her). And small triumphs like doing my laundry or cleaning my room can’t be it. I’m supposed to be an adult. I’m supposed to have a job. I’m supposed to have any kind of relationship with people. I don’t even have my license. + +I don’t even know what to call this.. asking for advice? rant? doubting my own depression? either way I think I liked examining how i’m feeling a little bit",I kind of like it?,1 +723,"this feels like such a cycle, going to classes and trying not to break down in public as im constantly being asked to help those around me. my friends are constantly expecting me to be their therapists or sholder to cry on while im stuck here trying to at least say how im feeling yet getting ignored or overshadowed. its like im supposed to just be there for everyone else yet ill be ignored when i need help back. the last time i tried to vent out my feelings my friend made it about themselves. it feels like im drowning while helping everyone else up and they push me deeper in the water as i get them to the surface + +&#x200B; + +i know at this point none of them would miss me if im gone i dont even know why im alive and i dont know why i help them but i feel selfish not being there for my friends even if they wont help me. every night it feels im on the verge of wanting to kill myself and i just look at my phone and wish i could talk to someone yet i just know no one would listen. i feel alone",i feel selfish for wanting to have support,1 +724,"Is being indecisive a symptom of depression: Yes. In fact, trouble making decisions is one of the most common psychological symptoms of depression. Other depression symptoms — such as difficulty concentrating and lack of motivation — can make decision-making even harder. + +I did not know this, as I can be #indecisive quiet a bit when I think about it, but I only thought to look it up yesterday when I mentioned I was to a friend... + +I can be indecisive due to changing my mind about (going for a drink 🙈) + +Then decided to look up what it really meant and was surprised to see it relates to people who suffer from depression. Interesting!!! + +Are you someone who suffers from Depression and is indecisive?",Learnt something new... Did u know? #idecisive,1 +725,"(cw:mentions of ED) + +My grades are average. At school I was better than others at languages and took part in olympiads, but now that I’m in uni, I just suck at everything. You can tell me grades don’t mean shit and how some smart and talented people didn’t do well in terms of academic performance. + +So what? I’m not one of them by any means. I’m not good at scientific research in my field, either. They say, some people naturally think like scientists. They ask the right questions, challenge ideas without taking them for granted etc. I’m not capable of that. + +I’ve had an ED which allowed me to have an extremely low BMI so for some time I felt like I’m better than others at least at something. I was dumb enough to try recovery and now I’m technically not even underweight. + +I had hobbies like chess and drawing but I don’t have enough motivation to do them regularly, and anyway it would probably take years for me to become just ""good"" at it. + +There are no other areas in my life where I could better than average. This is it. You could tell me being above average should not be that important anyway. It’s totally fine if it’s not for others, but for me it would mean a lot. I would feel like my existence isn’t absolutely pointless. I can’t just live and try to enjoy stuff. + +Thanks for reading this.",Why can’t I be above average at 1 (one) thing?,1 +726,"My life is alright, but I'm very depressed all the time, panic attacks, suicidal. I feel that nothing in life matters and that life is some weird thing I can't relate to. I only live for sex, gambling and money, however, those things don't even bring me happiness. I can't do relationships. I push people away unintentionally and hurt them emotionally. Every. Damn. Time. I wish I could give a fuck about life, but I can't. Why am I still here? I suppose this is a rant, I just wanted to talk to someone, haven't really done that in a while. I'm thinking about doing some dumb shit like live 10 more years, save every penny, then bet on red on roulette. If it hits, cool, I'll double down, if not, who cares. I've felt no attachment to anything or anyone recently. I'm applying for a job this week, had a job before, had some savings, I just gambled $1k, ate a steak dinner, and burned the rest (only had like $9k). There was no turning point in my life where I suddenly didn't care about anything. Since I was a little kid I can always remember having schizophrenic episodes but was discredited as I was just a ""dumb kid"". I would always see shadow people and be irrationally scared of the dark, and I would see monsters and just scream and cry silently. All the way until I was 14. Then I stopped paying attention to it and just realized if I didn't care then it doesn't matter. I had a girlfriend once. I was with her for a week, we fucked once, we went for 5 hours, I just got up and left at one point. Never talked to her again. Hate my family, but I'd do anything for them. I hate religion, I hate politics, I hate material things, I hate people, I hate consciousness, I hate breathing, I hate thinking, I hate eating, I hate sleeping. I hate life. I can so easily be anything I want in life that it becomes obsolete to try to live. Life is just creating problems and then finding the solution, endlessly. Refused to take medication because why would I want to feel a way that I don't? Not going to trick myself into wanting to live, that's stupid. +What is life and why do we exist?",Literally can't find purpose in life,1 +727,"23M. I’ve never been a super social guy. I’ve always been shy, chronic low-grade depression, etc., and it hasn’t been conducive to making friends. + + +I had one irl friend who I met at a job four years ago. We were hanging out more frequently and getting closer at the start of this year, but I found out something so fucked up about him a month and a half ago that I was pretty much forced to completely stop talking to him. + + +I had one online friend, and I was very close with her for two years. She completely moved on from me a few weeks ago, and she made it clear to me a few weeks ago that I was useful for a certain time in her life, but now I’m not useful to her anymore, so she’s moved on with new irl friends who she just recently met. + + +After over a year of applying and interviewing, I got an office job in November of 2022. I was getting a lot of positive feedback, wasn’t screwing up any tasks, etc., but I was suddenly fired without a clear reason two weeks ago. I don’t have enough experience to reliably know if I’ll be able to get another job in the same field. + + +I don’t have a job. I have literally no one to talk to, not even just an acquaintance or cousin. I don’t talk to anyone from any of the schools I went to, no one from any of the jobs I’ve had, and none of my extended family (family drama from a decade ago screwed everything up). My parents turned into raging alcoholics six years ago, so I mostly avoid them. I tried making friends at the most recent job I had, but I don’t think any of them really liked me, tbh. My family used to have family friends who would visit, and we would just do different things together in general, but we don’t do shit since they became raging alcoholics. + + +Idek if it’s possible to recover from this level of isolation. There’s literally nothing in my life. I’ve went through almost 24 years of life, and I somehow don’t even have a single acquaintance to show for it, not a single person to talk to or who genuinely cares about me.",My life is just empty af,1 +728,"As of now im (17f) in the last weeks of my senior year of high school. This time last year, my junior year, I started my first antidepressant: Prozac. That shit made me crazy; I hallucinated, attempted to crash my car, and almost ran away. Now, i’m on Lexapro on a high dosage and i just feel the same as I did without being on antidepressants. My dad originally told me that exercise would help but now im playing varsity softball and only feel good while im playing. when I stop my contention fades. I just feel like i’m moving throughout life with no purpose. My parents keep asking me about college. I got into four of the eleven colleges I applied to. I dont’ have good grades and dont have any motivation to fix it. I’m worried I wont be able to graduate and yet my parents still tell me “to be more productive” and “try harder.” I dont want to waste my parents money and fail out of university if I end up attending. I also feel kind of embarrassed, and I know I shouldn’t, to go to community college. People have told me that community college students are “weird” and “embarrassing.” I know thats not true and theres so many benefits of attending community college. I think i just need to stop listening to people but its easier said than done i guess.",Advice for a future college student,1 +729,"Honestly, I've been faking being ""ok"" for a while. + +I've been in some low places but this is in the top three for the lowest points I've had. My youngest sibling died by suicide in November of 2022. So I do realize the pain suicide causes but damn when you get into that place, it's neat impossible to get out of. + +I have plenty of things to keep me going. Like my nieces and nephews. I do want to watch them grow up, and be a guide for them, but I really am struggling with not wanting to exist anymore. The antidepressants I'm on aren't working. My doctor is *very* aware they aren't, given she knows I've had dreams of suicide recently. Yet my medications just got added on to. I'm just tired. I want to give up. Even though I know I shouldn't.",I feel bad for being this depressed,1 +730,"It’s both cathartic and kind of annoying. There’s really not a tangible reason for it. I’m not upset about any one thing. It’s more just a general feeling of frustration at myself, I guess. It doesn’t help that my stomach was bothering me all night even after I took the medicine that usually helps that. I don’t know. It’s just annoying.",I can’t stop crying tonight.,1 +731,"Background - My brother is much younger to me and the youngest of four siblings. He has been dealing with depression and IBS since the age of 15. He is also suicidal when it gets worse. He is on psychiatric medications. We are a very dysfunctional family where my father turns everyone's life into hell to the extent possible. My mother has severe depression too. + +Current situation - So after two years of treatment my brother isn't getting any better. There are periods when he does fine but then relapses into depression. His IBS also gets worse and it bothers him a lot. He is in general very introverted and doesn't let anyone know what he is feeling except for occassional aggressive outburst where he is extremely angry and out of control for usual problems like his IBS. +My father is currently using financial abuse to torture my mother and brother who are financially dependent on him. But I am stepping up to help my brother financially and I tried counseling him and assuring him that I will take care of him no matter what. +But his condition is not improving. He said he feels terrible that he is not able to be normal and do normal activities like going to college regularly or making friends etc. I told him that everyone's normal is different and he should work as per what feels good to him. That day he was fine for sometime but again withdrew to his room where he stays in complete darkness the entire time. It's been 5-6 days now. I have fixed a new psychiatrist's appointment for him and he agreed. But I want to know what else can I do in this situation. I want him to be fine and happy but nothing seems to work and he is 19 so we can't force him to do anything. Should I just let him take charge of his life and hope for him to get better? Or is there something more that I can do? No one else in our family is bothered or emotionally attached to him so it's just me. +All advice would be helpful. Thanks!!",My 19 year old brother has depression.,1 +732,"This is probably just a carbon copy of many posts on here, but my situation is as follows: + +\- khhv, no friends and no good ties to my family + +\- my only ""interests"" are video games and anime, the former of which isn't even fun, i just rage all the time and hate myself after playing basically ANY game + +\- generally disliked by many people because of my toxic personality + +\- EOTL minimum wage retailer where i don't do a good job, i'm too slow at everything i do and can't do more than half days due to being unable to be around other people too much + +\- absolutely not interested in picking up any hobbies or learning any skills, there's nothing i would even keep the dedication for since i give up everything i do in life + +\- tried therapy and it did absolutely nothing + +I think this is what one would call being ""done"" with life. But maybe someone has an idea. Idk.","No, seriously. WHAT am I supposed to do with my life?",1 +733,"Just like the title said, I feel completely lost on what my objective is in life. I recently graduated and I still can’t find a job anywhere and I feel like I have no one. Does anyone else feel completely lost in life? Like you don’t know what’s the point in any of this?",I feel utterly lost and purposeless,1 +734,"Of course my mom thinks I don’t want to go because I’m faking it. I really wish everything was over, and I’m not telling this to my therapist because she would just tell my parents and they’d just be more disappointed.",Now my parents think it’s my fault,1 +735,"I've been falling into a massive pit of dispair. I can't take meds for it because it counteracts other diagnosis. I have a therapy appointment on Monday I'm skeptical about going to for judgement. Im terrified of leaving the house and speaking to people just someone looking at me is enough to trigger a panic attack I've even been avoiding my housemates as much as possible. I talk to people online but I feel like I'm going crazy. Ive tried to stop myself from suicide 3 times in the last two weeks. Theirs no other help other than this free place I reluctantly arranged to go to. I'm overwhelmed with anxiety and paranoia. When people speak to me or look at me or breathe near me I wanna disappear as fast as possible. I'm thinking of wearing a mask and sunglasses to walk to the appointment on Monday so no one can recognize me or try to talk to me. Because people seeing me is my biggest issue. I don't understand why. But it's seriously affecting me I haven't left the house in many days. Barely been able to shower, brush my teeth, cook and working is just as hard but the only thing I've managed. Now the level of my paranoia is affecting my work. I wish I could just snap out of it. I want to clean up and exercise and stuff but I can't get out of bed.",Getting up to get better,1 +736,"I have always struggled with depression but things got worse for me once entering and eventually leaving an abusive romantic relationship in high school. I have struggled to cope with the abuse I faced. I have also struggled with letting people in because of my distrust. As my depression increased, my friends became “uncomfortable” around me saying I “bring down the vibes”. They stopped inviting me to things, texting me, and calling. My brother told me that he would cut me off if I continued to live life as I am. Now I am a sophomore in college and I have lost majority of the people around me because I don’t know which is better for others: to stay in their lives even tho it hurts them when I’m around or cut off contact with those around me even if they claim they want me around. I’m barely existing at this point.",I feel guilty for existing around others because of my depression.,1 +737,"My mom is about to send me to a mental hospital again and some of the nurses where mentally abusive toward me. I'm seriously just gonna live out the rest of my fucking life in a mental hospital and there is nothing I can do about it + +Why can't they just let me die in peace? +I won't contribute to society in the slightest, I'm a waste of space. It would be beneficial to everyone if I just died already",Why are people okay with letting me live in agony,1 +738,"Im soooo exhausted of dealing with other people’s expectations of me 🥱 like no suuuusan i wont write a 10 page essay on Tesco, i dont even know how to structure it and even whennnn i have a clue my brain forgets a certain word so i spend 20 minutes trying to figure out which word it was or i disassociate 🥰 wish I didnt exist! Yippie! I love it honestly! Oh and how if my parents get divorced its my (?) fault because I watched a movie with my dad! 🤩 or i cant even ask for food that *isnt* instant noodles or toast. (Likeeee I definitely haven’t been surviving off that the last year and a half) oh? Whats it? Your self esteem is so low that you feel hideous and want to hide at home? noooo wayyy! Could *not* be me rn. Or have a lack of motivation/will.",Too much expectation,1 +739,How are any of you unbelievable liars able to say you care with a straight face? Idc anymore apparently every word is a lie im going to bed,OK THATS IT,1 +740,I have no definable skillset. I am bad at things I was once good at. I feel I might lose my job. I already cannot afford treatment. I just tell myself that things will get better. But I am powerless. I cannot affect change. Help,I have no definable skillset. I am bad at things I was once good at.,1 +741,"Can't think about what to say, don't know what to do with life, nothing makes sense, always questioning existence ""why was I made, to work?"" and why can't I exit this body, who created pain, why is he creating all this and what does he want, who is god. i can't even type what I wanted to say here, i wish i can explain how my brain functions, I definitely know something is wrong with it. can't help but just be here conscious and let things happen and the sad part is I have to see it through this body and take all the blame, feel starvation.. argh wish I can explain. what am I here for.... just writing down my thoughts here in case anyone feels the same.",brain fog 24/7,1 +742,"These last few years my depression has only gotten worse, no matter what I try. My fiancée snaps at me when I try to make sure she isn’t going to hurt herself, my PTSD flares up every time something goes wrong. I don’t feel like I can work anymore but I have to because I have to look after my fiancée who’s got BPD and bring in the money to afford food and rent. + +I don’t feel like I can look after myself. Insomnia has been a bitch for me for years, it’s only gotten worse in the last year. I like to maintain I’m doing well, but honestly I almost took some pills last night and locked myself in the bathroom. I don’t want to be here anymore. But I don’t feel like I can talk about it, because my partner always has something for their own on when I’m feeling low. + +I just bottle, I guess. I want to talk, I see a therapist, but, all the progress I make feels like it get reversed constantly. I haven’t felt this low in years and it’s hard to maintain a ‘it’ll get better’ outlook like this. When? When will this get better? + +I’ve been bullied at work, punished for my disability at work, I’ve suffered through a narcissistic abusive mother and a father who just stood idly by. I’ve had an ex SA me and cheat on me. I’ve had friends lie and manipulate me, taking advantage of me. I don’t have a single family member I can trust anymore. + +The only thing keeping me going is my dog, he’s only 11 months. I love him so much. I never want to lose him. + +The desire to leave and go to work and never come back is so strong. It’s so, so overpowering that I feel like shaking. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want my PTSD to flare up every time something goes wrong, I don’t want my depression to spiral in turn, I just want to be healthy again. I miss the competent me. + +My fiancée has a lot going on, I always understand that. I just sometimes don’t feel like the same empathy I give her for her conditions gets extended to me…I feel like I’m just here for her. Outside of that, I just kinda float in existence. + +I always used to joke that my name means happy or lucky, but I haven’t felt it once. I’m very unlucky. Happiness is so difficult for me to get. I’m tired. + +I will try to stay around. I always have done. I’ve survived all my worst days so far, right? That what I say. I just wanted to vent and someone understand me for once.",I feel like I don’t matter anymore,1 +743,I’m so ugly. I want to kill myself.,I’m asymmetrical with a bad jaw and a weird hairline,1 +744,"My life is a mess. Everything is messed up. My dad is cheating on my mom, i feel like my friends dont care abt me they don't care, they make fun of me alot, my relationship with my girlfriend has declined nd were almost at the brink of breaking up. I dont feel anything now. Im almost emotionless. Life is just shit. I might just end it all.",My life is a mess,1 +745,"I am looking for help or for someone to talk to. Things have been bad for me lately, but I am finding myself planning my suicide and thinking about it more and more often. Things are only getting worse and I'm feeling hopeless. I don't have money or insurance to admit myself to a hospital, or to even see a therapist. I've thought about using online therapy. I'm against the idea of it, I don't want to do it over the screen, but it looks like my only option. I don't have any money at all, I don't think I can even afford something like BetterHelp. Does anyone have any advice?",need help soon,1 +746,"To realise that there’s no point in fighting anymore because the hope you’ve been trying to hang onto doesn’t actually exist anymore… there must be a point where it is actually okay to give up. When you’ve tried so hard to continue for so many years and nothing has ever changed for the better, is it now okay for me to quit now? + +I can’t do it anymore, the ups, the downs and the lower than downs, it’s just not worth it. People will understand, won’t they? The train of life arrives at different stations everyday, I think this is where I get off. 🖤",Is it okay to give up?,1 +747,"I haven't felt like any thing in my life has been real since a very difficult thing and year of absolute he'll in my life. Everything moves fast and I only feel seconds of gratification. I almost never know what's going on anymore my brain feels like a jumbled mess of thoughts, wants, needs. I don't know who I am anymore because I act out in unpredictable ways. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and have been taking my medication, but I absolutely feel nothing except immense sadness or pain. I can't really make meaningful changes in my behavior because any sort of order makes me uncomfortable and anxious so I return back to this chaotic state. Things move to quickly and I feel like I'm swimming within my body. +This has been going on for 4 years and all my medical health professionals are aware of this and are unsure how to treat it. + + +Anyone else feel the same way?",I've been in a state of derealization for 4 years,1 +748,"After losing all of my hobbies and interests, I also stopped liking all the food I used to love. + +I still eat, it's not that I'm not hungry. I just don't enjoy eating anymore, not even great food, and it's really weird and depressing. + +Does anyone have the same issue?",I have stopped enjoying my favorite foods,1 +749,"Hi there, + +do you have any tips how to deal with rumination? I know that trying to suppress it is counterproductive. I've decided to try to distract myself during the next episodes by playing scrabble on my phone because it needs some thinking while going for a walk or cleaning the shower allows for rumination during the activity. + +Thank you very much in advance",Rumination - Tips,1 +750,"Just came here to write down my feelings. I have a fragile mental state, and am not good with sharing my feelings with my friends or family. I think people would generally describe me as someone with a sense of humour and as having good spirits. I am able to joke and laugh, tell people I am feeling great. But I have a dark side that nobody knows because I don't want to share, as I don't want to be a burden. Usually I am able to keep the feelings away, maintain the facade and stay strong and reasonably happy. But recently, things have not been going well for me, and I think what little resilience I had got washed away. + +It is becoming hard for me to stay positive, because I feel so numb inside. I am becoming less motivated to do things that I enjoyed only a couple weeks ago. I don't want to socialise anymore. I have work piling up to the point that I am completely overwhelmed, but don't feel sharp enough or motivated enough to make a start to it. I was drifting between two friend groups, and lost one of them because I decided to prioritise the other. I feel disconnected from my family and friends, mainly because they are currently so far away. I have a bad relationship with my father, who I feel like does not care for me anymore after he started a new family. I hate the way I act, and am consumed by guilt and embarrassment when I think about my words or actions. A romantic situation I was involved with for only a month imploded, and I can't stop blaming myself, can't stop thinking about it or fully letting go. I have never handled rejection very well, and I have thought that maybe, the rejection that I received from her is the shock that caused me to crumble. + + I seriously don't know what to do anymore, and I do seems to sink me deeper into this hole that I have fallen into, unable to see any escape. Days pass like crazy, and I feel as though I am insulated, unable to feel anything but numbness. I have never sought professional help, and as an exchange student far away from home, I don't know how available that would be. Maybe someone can relate to what I am going through, and give me some advice. If you made it all the way down here, thanks for giving me your attention.",Feeling hopeless,1 +751,"I'm 23f and I have no one. I only have like 1 friend irl but she's a shitty friend, I don't bother to put in the effort with her anymore. I dont have anyone in my life apart from my immediate family. I wish I had friends, everyone can tell that I don't have any. I'm the one who ended all of my friendships except one of them, because they were fake, untrustworthy and other reasons. I dont know what's wrong with me not to have any, everyone can tell I dont have friends. And forget even having a boyfriend. I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life. Everyone says if you don't have any friends, or if friendships keep ending then you must be the problem, I feel like that's not the case with me. I can't seem to think of anything I'm doing wrong and feel like im a good friend. I'm introverted but social when i need to be and am starting to be more outgoing. + +Granted, a lot of my friendships ended like 6 years ago when we were teens so it might not count, and some just naturally drifted because of life. But I haven't even made any new ones. How pathetic. I have nothing to look forward to in my future. No husband, no kids, no one to come to my birthday or be my bridesmaids. No one to even get dinner with. I'm tired of being alone. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm in the prime of my life and I'm at home 24/7 either studying, with my pets, gaming or at the gym. + +Please don't give me tips about how to make friends, I promise it won't work.",I have no friends or boyfriend,1 +752,"Little suicidal poem to express myself since I’m an anxious depressed wreck questioning if living is worth it. + + + + +If you don’t get it it’s basically: + +”I’m only at peace when slumber is reached” -I’m only at peace when sleeping. + +”So perhaps if I flee, I’d finally happen to be free” -If I killed myself, maybe I’d finally be free and be at peace 24/7. + +”Is eternal slumber the key?” -Is death the solution to my problems? + +&#x200B; + +I don’t know if I should elaborate on my problems or not, I doubt anyone would care enough to read all of them and in the end, getting told that someone is sorry for what happened to me doesn’t really do much, I appreciate the words none the less but I don’t think anything will ever make me feel better. I’ve gotten into this hole of depression and anxiety over and over and over, it never stops, it’ll never leave me alone not unless I’m asleep or dead.","I’m only at peace when slumber is reached, so perhaps if I flee, I’d finally happen to be free. Is eternal slumber the key?",1 +753,"I cannot take it anymore. We're still in online classes. It triggered my suicidal thoughts again. Now I just want to kill myself. I am now a huge burden to my family. I love them so much and I think it will be better if I am not here anymore. They get problems and expense a lot because of me, my medications. I don't know what to do now. Planning to work, transfer school or just kill myself.",Dropped out of college,1 +754,16m I smile and I laugh sure but I always have this weight on me. Like something that's holding me from being genuinely happy. I can't really explain it and I'm sorry.,I don't get happy anymore,1 +755,"Hi, + +So I really need some help/pointers in where I go wrong or what I can do do fix mu current life. + +* Short info: +* Fucked a girl who got pregant and kept the kid. (I iniciaded the child custody court) (ugly court battle) +* My son is 3 years. Lives 50/50 with his mother and me. +* High performing job, future is looking bright but I work 50-60 hours weeks. + * When I or my son get sick the backlog of work is INSANE. + * Work is now taking some seriously battles in my head, like I dont really know how long I will be able to keep this job going. To much to do, there is no way ever that anyone will be able to do this job + * Im a people pleasere so I fuck my own schedule on a daily basis at work. +* Poor as fuck, all money went to court, batteling bill to bill now. (wife didnt have to pay since she is on welfare and then the ""tax-payers"" are paying for her court. +* Creditcard debt of $1300 but I cannot pay anything on it, all money goes to bills and my son. +* Car loan debt $10.000, cant sell car since I travel 1 hour each way to get my son from daycare or his mother. +* Renting the my current appartment. +* I might be able to save around 100-200$/month if Im lucky. + +I feel that my life is just fucked, completely and utterly fucked and I cannot for the life of me see any light anymore. I was so happy before, life was so good before kids, court a maniac mother to my kid. + +I just long so much for the old day and I cannot for the life of me ""enjoy"" the current times. + + +Spoken to a couple of therapists but I don't know, they are quite fast to add diagnises without doing any tests... + + +My dream now is to just run my car as fast as I can into a wall to make all the pain stop, I tought life was hard. But I had no idea how utterly awfully painfull this existence is. +Like I run that scenario through my mnd at least 100 times a day and I just long for it. + +Of course I wont do it, I have a son etc. But I really just wished that a car could crash into me, kill me on the spot etc. +I always thougth I was a strong man. But im a weak one.... Well.... + +I try to remidate the feelings with friends, loved ones, loads women, working out etc. +But nothing feels ""good"" or satisfying. Nothing currently feels satisfying. +My schedule looks something like this: + + +05.00 (I or son wake up) +08.00 Son at day care +09.00 Back home +09.00 - 15.00 Work +15.15 - go get son at day care +16.16 - home. +16.30-20.00 Time with son, food playing, goofing around etc. + +20.00-24.00 (8pm-12 pm) Work + + +Those days where my son is not at my palce: +I tend to get 1,5 hours traning in per day. +Good foods and some rest in between aswell. + +But something like this, weekends looks the same + +05-06 wake up +08.00 - 18.00 (8 am to 6 pm) work +18-20 sparetime +20.00 to 24 work + +Working out has always helped. But only for the short time when Im in the gym. +I dont do any drugs, Alcohol is not my thing, plus I got LOADS of alcoholism in my family so I dont want to go the same way there... + + +Anyone have any tips on what can be done?",Need help,1 +756,"It seems like nothing is working or making me feel better or more confident. I still feel nervous when it comes to being around people and isolate myself from the outside world. And my mother and doctor say that I need to put in the effort so the pills can work, but I’m just to scared to actually do it. I do t know what to do.",Should I just stop taking my antidepressants?,1 +757,"My situation is this: I am coaching high school lacrosse at the varsity level For the first time this year and feel awfully inadequate and extremely nervous about how the season is going to go. I have been the JV coach before, but I am filling in for our head coach who is out for the season on personal leave, there are a bunch of mitigating factors that should make me comfortable, including the fact that I know many of the players already, expectations for the team are low given our traditional performances, it’s a great group of seniors. + +Despite this, I am extremely nervous to the point where it is impacting my sleep and it’s all I think about during the day. I feel like a complete imposter, because I don’t really know the game of lacrosse to nearly the same level as the previous coach. I’ve been doing deep breathing, I’ve been prescribed clonidine, but I don’t feel good at all right now. + +I’m just looking for some help. How do other people on here dealt with performance anxiety, impostor syndrome, feeling like you’re in over your head in a new job? Any help you can provide would be extremely appreciated. Thank you.",Feeling in over my head and looking for help,1 +758,"I’d like to keep this nice and short, but if it ends up longer than I intend this to be, please be patient with me. Also, English is not my first language. + +I’m a medical student, also working a part-time job for hours for minimal wage. I have no time for hobbies, and on top of everything, my family is very unsupportive, and I’ve been battling with a chronic stomach illness for a year already with no definitive answers so far from my doctors. I still have a ton of examinations to undergo, ranging from CTs, scans to endoscopies and multiple blood marker tests, and I have to pay all of them out of my pocket since my insurance doesn’t cover them. I’ve been working a lot to support myself, and lately I caught myself crying a lot, feeling hopeless, and most of the time, feeling completely numb, disconnected from reality and in general, feeling nothing. I feel like I’m a complete fuck-up. + +So my question would be, how should I deal with being so burnt out and worn away from all this stress? I feel like I really want this pain to end, but I can’t seem to have just one calm hour to myself anytime soon. Please help. Any tip is really appreciated.",How to deal with a severe burn-out?,1 +759,"My parents play such a victim mentality and never own up to their mistakes. After all the shitty things they had done they not once recognized it and simply defended themselves by saying they thought it was for the better. They always have thought like this. What about me? the impact it made on me? and how badly it fucked me up. + +Theres a huge difference in intent and outcome. You cannot justify your shitty behaviors because of your “good intent”",My parents have absolutely ruined me,1 +760,"It's simple - I don't enjoy life so I need to search for a reason to continue living, while other people simply enjoy their existence, even if there are plenty of bad things happening to them",I realized why I question life and existence so much while most people don't,1 +761,"Hey, been a while since I posted something here. I'm 18 years old and from Brazil, been having some great moments on my life overall with some amazing moments and alot of development from therapy, but even with minor problems, the real one is that I'm probably an undiagnosed autistic guy and even if it's a low to moderate level, it makes me go nuts. This really seems like a he of a problem daily and yet I somehow manage to survive without ripping my ears off, hate how anoying this is to the point I hate using the microwave and always add an extra second just to not hear it beeping, how any sound looks like a jumpscare from a horror movie most of the time and on top of all this always happened to me on my childhood and yet no one even bothered to listen my side, calling me either a crybaby, that I was faking it. Got called alot for having no social life and yet no one seemed to care when I asked help or either seemed like they were forced to do it. +Dunno if its autism since some people say anyone can have alot of symptons that are inside the spectre, yet aren't considered, but the good thing is that I atleast got a way to sleep better without having any noise waking me up with the new medication. Sorry if it was long, this seemed the place where I could talk about anything envolving my personal hell",I may be autistic and I'm only seeing it now,1 +762,i have chronic brain Fogg and fatigue and also depression sometimes when i have no brain fog or fatigue i also have no depression,Do most people with depression feel brain fogginess?,1 +763,"So I literally don't talk to anyone anymore. Super depressed, going about my days. I would be dead such a long time ago, if it wasn't for the weirdest most pathetic thing ever. The first person (and basically only time I've been truly in love) I doubt we'll ever hang out again, let alone end up together. But I love her so much still, so many years later, that even that .000002% chance of feeling us hold each other is just enough to get through another day. I'm 32 now. And it's been over ten years since I've had that feeling and experience. But out of all my ups and downs and insane experiences, traumatic shit, everything... She gives me the feeling I need to just get through things. Days. Sometimes down to the minutes and seconds. Her life is normal and fulfilling and pretty nice if you ask me, I doubt she thinks of me, and I'm not a strung out piece of shit like I was years back anymore, but no matter how normal my life looks now a days, it's so empty, and it's always felt empty without the feeling she gave me so long ago. I feel like such a pathetic loser for holding onto this love for so long, without reciprocation, without telling her, and with it having been the only reason I've ever got through how terrible I had my life in the past. I'll probably die with that secret someday too, but I just wanted to put it somewhere out into the universe. Even if it's just here on Reddit. That I've had this feeling I've held onto, that I've embedded into the fiber of my being, so that I take it everywhere I'll ever go, and it's the why to every breath I unconsciously take. I don't expect this to mean anything to any of you. But there's love in the world that no darkness can bring down, no drug could compare, no words can describe, and no time can erase, and I hope that you find it, and if you've had it and lost it as I have, may you live with that small hope you feel when you reminisce.",Sorry guys- I gotta take a thoughts n feelings dump right here 😬,1 +764,"I woke up crying 3 hours ago and haven’t stopped. + +The pressure in my chest is continuously building up. + +I want to disappear.",I feel overwhelmed with sadness and I can’t bring myself to get out of bed.,1 +765,"I'm 21 yo and I'm tired of what I'm studying (Computer Science), I don't find it interesting that much, I find it stressful and the job market is extremely competitive. There is just so much fcking information to learn in cs it's absolutely crazy when people say that you always have to learn in this field they weren't joking. Most of the material I will just forget quickly after a semester. Luckily I am in community college so I haven't spent really any money on this degree but I have spent a shit ton of time on it tho. Despite all that time spent already, I feel like it won't help me that much if I don't start to seriously study more but I just can't bring myself to. I don't really know what I want to do with my life but I do kinda like my job in retail even though for many people it seems like a shitty job and it kinda is but at least it's an easy job without too much stress tbh. Night shifts are the best because there are no managers so I sometimes just chill after finishing my tasks for like an hour. I can even come in high and do my job easily. But there really is a social pressure to do something better with your life and I get it I really kinda don't want to do this forever but at the same time even if I somehow get a job in my field I feel like this field would just be too stressful for me. I have thought of other options than retail that don't require a degree but I just can't try getting into them because I have to finish this degree first since I only have a bit left before finishing.",Lost and depressed,1 +766,"long story short: + +for a better understanding, i harmed my body and soul so many times because of untreaded trauma ( i think), i drink booze on the weekends since my 18th birthday, and later some party drugs came in. + +if i would have a glimpse of which pain i will live through back in the days i would have never touched any drug. + +i had so many breakdowns in the last 3 years and it feels like i will never be the person again i was. + +with the booze and the drugs came panic attacks and anxiety disorders. + +i am not the same anymore and dont know if this ever will pass. + +i feel miserable, no energy, cant laugh anymore, its like being buried alive. + +how did some of you guys survived this and are your cognitive functions and general well being better? + +i just try with all in my power to get healthy mentally and body. + +im thankful for every help out there, thank you for taking time to read my story.","I cant function anymore, my cognitive abilities are much worse than back in the days. i am emotionally unstable and cry a lot.",1 +767,"https://www.anxietycentre.com/articles/let-down-effect-anxiety-after-stress/ + +I found this article today and I feel like it describes exactly what’s happening for me… but for me I’ve been experiencing anxiety and depression. + +I’m 28 and have a long long history of mental health issues. Generally speaking they’ve improved over the past 4 years with lots of ups and downs. + +Since December life has been highly stressful: Death in the family, health issues, housing issues, work, school, you name it. + +I had SO much adrenaline pumping through me for months. + +The past 2 weeks everything has settled: I found stable housing, moved in with my partner and the relationship is great, school is done, my Dad is supporting me financially. Everything is suddenly great… + +Except the past week my mood has dropped fast. Intense anxiety, crying at work… the worst part is, I’m supposed to be feeling happy? There’s nothing that can explain the feelings? + +So this “let down effect” is my best guess. Anyone else experienced this? I’m praying time will start to relieve some of these horrible feelings…",Let Down Effect?,1 +768,"Man, It’s really not going good right now, I haven’t felt good in ages, I don’t even remember the feeling of happiness. I got no friends, no girlfriend, I haven’t been to a social event in ages, I’m socially not ok from my trauma. My looks aren’t the best either, I don’t even know if I am attractive or not, I just wan’t to be approachable. I really hope it gets better and I wish I had a better life. I also wish I had a good high school experience like everyone else.",I need reassurance that it’ll get better…,1 +769,"It always seems like I work super hard to make sure that everyone gets included in, but then I don't get it in return. I already think I'm getting closer to my time of month, so that's not helping my mood. But it always seems like the people I call friends in my life never seem to give me the same inclusion when I really need it.","Why is it that I bend over backwards, but I never get the same courtesy?",1 +770,"I've dealt with depression too many times in my life but this episode feels different. +I've been depressed after losing the love of my life in a car crash about two months ago and I still find it so hard to leave the bed. +I left the house twice during this time just for emmergency and that was it. +I've been staying with my parents, I've cut every contact with my friends and I isolated myself . +Now I feel so anxious and stressed about going back to my life again, to friends, my work, my house . Everything is overwhelming and scary. It's like I can't do it on my own. And it makes me feel so pathetic. +Every one have been judging me so poorly and I feel so guilty about it. +They're like ""oh girl get over it"". +""He's in a better place"" +""Are you still hanging up on him"" +""Come on, look at your life"" +All that kinda of stuff +Anyway how would I get out this vicious cycle? How would I get myself out of the house? And talking to people again? +Any tips please",Post greif depression,1 +771,"I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a long time now, and eating disorders in the past that have not fully healed. + +The trigger this time was that I saw a photo my broyfriend took of me and my legs appeared enormous to me. That single thought that arised from a photo that a loved one took on me, lead to not eating in three days, self-injuries and an endless loop of feeling like shit. I feel so narcissistic and chidlish, why would my looks be at all THIS important? Still now I cannot get over it. Just seeing my legs in a photo that was taken with love. My boyfriend almost threw me out of home cos I was behaving like a fucking idiotic child. + +Yet it is so hard to get out of the loop, I literally have nothing that makes me feel happy and I consider myself to be under the normal for intelligence and I don't have any special skills so I don't see a point in feeling better with myself. I feel so miserable, so useless, I only bring dark stuff to my lovely boyfriend. It's like I know how to get out of the loop (my therapist gave me many tips) but still when I am in the middle I cannot get out, my mind is racing with destructive shit that I believe and I act according to all these thoughts. + +The eating disorder has already been on for 13 years and I am already 30. I never imagined at this point of my life I would still be dealing my so many instrusive thoughts and still thinkking this is such a big of an issue. Its like really, who is going to notice I put on weight? and if they do, why would it be so importnat? there are far many things more importnat than looks, but I seem to not be able to get over it anyhow. I feel like I should really die if am not skinny. + +This post might be destructured as I am a little anxious right now + +**TLDR**: I am 30 and still behaving like a baby and thinking my body image issues are the center of the world. I am ruining my relationship because when I get in a depressive mood, I cannot get out of it during days and I become aggressive and a total bitch with everyone. I don't want to live like this, I want to enjoy my loved ones",How can I get out of the loop - depression is taking my life away,1 +772,"The pandemic ruined my mental health. I can’t get out of bed and i cant sleep at night. I feel so unloved. I hate my life so much but im such a coward. I just want to be dead. I hate myself so much. This is the worst it’s ever been and it’s only getting worse. My meds arent working, group therapy has never helped, the hospital made me worse, my mom and stepdad lost my trust by screaming at me. + +Im so lonely i have no one around me. My “friends” never fucking reach out it’s always me. Im getting sick and tired of waking up. Part of me wants to get better because i feel so awful, but im in a cycle and i have lost all motivation. I just wish something would kill me so i dont have to go through doing it myself. Im just so afraid ill be put in some other program that wont help me that i hardly ever tell what im feeling. + +I had so much potential. I had straight A’s, i wanted to work and go to college. My grades have lowered, ive stopped going to school and instead i cyber and just cheat on all my courses because it’s easier than focusing. I got out of bed, i didnt nap all day. i was in therapy, but i was getting better and only had episodes around once a year. They happen a few times a month. + +Nothing helps, im broken. I just shouldnt be alive. My arms are so scared up, i have big red ones and they are so embarrassing. Ive hardly seen anyone with ones like mine. I just cant stop cutting. + +I thought seeking an autism diagnosis would help, but since ive been diagnosed its been worse. My mom immediately said i was using it as an excuse. My mom and stepdad never ever tried to adapt to my sensory issues or even read about how they could help me. They just expect me to do all the work and all they do is find programs to put me in or dictate my appointments. Every time ive discussed something i didnt like that they do they have never tried to stop. They only listen in therapy. + +There is no point to being alive if climate change is going to kill us all anyway. Nothing anyone says will ever make me feel better. Im doomed.",Pandemic ruined me,1 +773,I'm trying to pick myself up,I asked my friend if I have changed much from school he said im more depressed,1 +774,"I’ve had severe social anxiety since I was 13. This has led me to live nearly 6 years with little social interaction, which has made me pretty miserable. I can’t believe I’ve lived this long feeling unfulfilled and generally dissatisfied with my life. Like damn I’m gonna be 20 and I have very little life experience. I’ve spent many weekends fishing w my father, because I didn’t have anything else to do, bc I have no friends.and it’s like even tho I love fishing it just starts feeling like I’m always missing something I need regardless of what I’m doing, I’m missing friends and social interaction. I moved out of my parents house and in w my grandparents to work over here and I’m at a very low point. Every day is painful. If I’m at work I fucking hate it. Being at home is ok but still I’m lonely and depressed, and having nothing to do brings my loneliness to center stage. I’ve though about suicide a lot. It feels good to imagine the pain ceasing. I can’t stand to watch myself get older and each year im still the same. No friends and generally miserable. I’m just so done with life.",I don’t know why I allow myself to keep suffering. 19M. Loneliness.,1 +775,"I feel like I'm extremely mediocre at best and utterly hopeless at worst in virtually everything I set out to do. Why I still exist or attempt to bother at all, I have no idea. I wish for just one day I could have some marketable talent so that the right people would actually notice and support me so that I'd be able to do what I want to do. It might happen, but, in the words of Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World, ""monkeys might fly out of my butt."" Fuck it. Let's face it. I'm completely without skills, looks, or brain power required to achieve the skills I desire. 😥🤦‍♀️",Mediocre at Best,1 +776,Internet stalking was a bad idea.,Internet stalking of local professionals my age. Thoughts: why are you so perfect??? Just watching you is hard and tiring.,1 +777,"To be honest, I'm not expecting much. I've seen therapists on/off over the years, and it's always fine but never enough. This one is through my EAP at work, and the limited text exchange that I've had with him give me pretty lukewarm vibes -- no red flags, just not that engaged (although I suppose that's normal, since we've never met). + +I don't even know what to want anymore. I can't figure out what makes me happy long-term, and I think I'm wired to be anxious and depressed. I don't want to die, and I definitely won't for a while (too many bucket-list items to do), but I just have this feeling that things won't end well. When do we get to a point where we're just happy, relaxed, loved, and have what we want? I have become traumatized, jaded, and a shell of my former self...",Going to therapy tomorrow,1 +778,"I need advice for self-harm impulses I've been self-inflicting head trama +Recently I caused my eye to bleed and had a seizure. +Sacrificed a lot of relationships for the love of my life and she left me and is working with my brother and it's really suspicious she lives with my mom I feel extremely abandoned and i worry about braindamage +I constantly find myself hitting myself in the head and face",I need some help,1 +779,"hello, I’m in my fourth year of college and after the semester, I only have one left but for like the past year, I’ve been slowly losing interest in school and in the career I wanted to go into. it is hard for me to stay focused in class and find the motivation to do the assignments in school work. I am going into user interface design, but I feel like I would be good in the field for some years I had trouble with the pression, but a couple years ago. I had a girlfriend for a year and that made me happy but once we broke up, I’ve kind of slowly went back to the depression I had before feeling that load you know I am I just feels like I’m not really had trouble finding amotivation to do what I wanted to do. any advice?",trouble with school.,1 +780,"I am miserable. I don’t enjoy living, I don’t enjoy being me, and I don’t enjoy waking up knowing I’m in fucking ground hogs day. + +I don’t care about relationships. I’ve never had a crush. I don’t like talking to people. The closer I get to someone the more I want to run away from them. All of my conversations are surface level, just the bare minimum to reach what’s socially acceptable. + +I don’t have any hopes or dreams for the future. I don’t have any hobbies. I don’t have any passions or interests. I don’t feel excited. I don’t feel joy doing anything other than sleeping. + +I’ve planned for suicide on three different occasions. The first time I was stopped before I could carry it out. The other two I failed and wound up in the hospital. Each time I said “okay, I’ll go get help. Maybe things will improve. Maybe things will get better.” + +They don’t. How many times am I going to do this? How many times and I going to repeat this, hoping it’ll be different? + +Long term depression and anxiety has left me a hollow husk of a living being. I’m either crumbling under anxiety, completely apathetic, or about to snap from irritability. + +Everyday is the same nightmare. I just don’t think this is worth the struggle.","Genuinely, why live? I don’t enjoy being alive and I don’t understand why people are so determined to force me to continue.",1 +781,"22F. +Last year had been so weird. I graduated. Fucked a relationship up. Didn't cheat but the ex couldn't take that I slept with someone else. He was broken so I spiraled guilty anxious lonely. Also I was preparing for a big test I cared a lot. I used to be worried, cried all day. Then snap. I feel nothing. I'm sleeping all day when I go towards the books I'm like why. I'm so numb. Psychiatrist diagnosed me with atypical depression and gave me pills which I'm not allowed to take coz mom says there will be side effects. +Today I was allowed to ride a bike. I hit a car and fell down. It was a minor accident but bro. I realized I felt nothing after that. Nothing at all. This couldn't have been me. I was a girl who was afraid to ride bikes I used to freak out so much now I just don't care. Not even the fact that I'm able to ride the bike. If it was the earlier me I'd feel goosebumps with a sense of achievement, I'd feel fear anxious and scared about the accident. What's wrong with me I feel as though I'm an empty floating balloon.",What's going on with me,1 +782,"I feel as though all my life I have been becoming unlovable. I can see myself decay. The things I enjoyed are meaningless and because I exist and interact with others, I take a part of the joy away from them too. +I do not want to live. + +But I don’t want to hurt the few people that might get affected by it. I feel guilty to a point where I wish I get terminally ill and succumb. + +I feel guilty for taking up space and being here.",I feel guilty about being alive,1 +783," +Fear and anxiety rule his every thought , loneliness and despair fill every breath in his lungs. + +Darkness reigns unchallenged, the light is all gone. Feelings of happiness extinguished and drowned, deluge of pain and suffering watered them down. + +Like an ancient warrior facing certain death, wounded , bruised and bleeding he marches on. + +Flashes of memories that are long gone, hints of an era that once had begun. With fire and passion his heart once fought. Stabbed and damaged it won’t pump blood , only anger rage flow thru the holes. + +For his Queen he swore once that death he would take. Just to protect her from the evils out there. But no one had warned him of the evil within. A festering wound that ends in gangrene . Rotting soul and heart but not too fast. Ensuring he suffers as much as he can. + +The dream of a life was just a mirage . Leading the warrior into an inescapable trap. Battle after battle, war after war. Trenches of anguish is where he stands. + +What was the purpose the man thought to himself. Looking around for someone to help. No one in sight to hear his plight, only more darkness and none of the light. + +Hopeless and tired he kneels on his sword. With honor and valor he lets it all go. Plunging the steel makes the flesh cold. Followed by warmth of the pouring hot blood. + +Seconds feel like years as life flashes by. He enjoys every memory with his last ever smile. + +But out of the darkness someone reached out . Returning the light and the life that ran out. + +The warrior perplexed looked almost scared , for he had never encountered no one that cared. + +His story unfinished and with no clear path. But now he’s determined to let go of the past. + +Wounds that are healing wounds that will come. Master the pain that will never be gone. + +No matter how close or how far. He will continue to battle this war.","Felt lost today so wrote this out of nowhere, I’m not a writer at all. Just wanted to share",1 +784,"I'm 23 and I am a former shell of who I was at like 16. I have no goals or ambitions anymore, I used to be ambitious. I'm trying to improve, like I am volunteering but I still don't have confidence or anything",I feel like you're supposed to grow as a person in life and I haven't at all,1 +785,"I’m 19 and turning 20 in may, I have tried living a “normal” life with a full time job but that doesn’t help. I’ve also tried therapy and have been taking 200 mg of Sertraline for about a year and a half now and that barely helps me. I want to pass away but I have anxiety so I’m afraid of the pain that might come with it. I’m stuck in what seems like and endless circle of hating life but being terrified to end it. I need help",I’m embarrassed to say this but I need help,1 +786,"Even my girlfriend who I'm thankful to have in my life, I feel alone. Nothing has changed. I don't know what the answer is. I've been wondering that for years. I'm 31 and there's no signs of it getting better. Only various forms of coping mechanisms. My dad will probably pass away soon and then I'm stuck with my brother who I don't get on with.. It's so exhausting trying to stumble through life and pretending you're ok when you're really not. Even if you tell someone you're not ok, it just becomes awkward and they will treat you differently and not in a positive way. So you make out you're fine and put on a brave face despite how empty you feel on the inside. I honestly don't know if there's anything left for me when my dad goes. People say: ""You have so much to live for."" Really? Like what? Most people end up being garbage whether that's in real life or online, there's too much stress dealing with literally everything and there's little substance. Everything feels fake. It's all so draining. I'm so fucking tired at this point.",Nobody can ever understand how you truly feel at the end of the day,1 +787,I'm tired,I wish i were dead almost every single day,1 +788,"* I have been depressed since I was at least 11 +* i am 23 now, that's more than 50% of my life +* I can be okay in brief glimpses, am doing therapy, have found its hard cause i didn't have treatment for so long, so i am really battling deep routed stuff that i learned in childhood. +* should i expect that i can get better? or should I should just sort of accept that it'll probably never get better?",Is it too late?,1 +789,"My ex-boyfriend recently decided to call it quits on our one and half year relationship due to family circumstances. He's been going through a lot. + +1. Dealing with his parents not taking it well that he is gay and had a male partner. +2. Dealing with some recent news that his beloved grandma in China is dying of cancer and doesn't have much longer to live. +3. Hurting from not being able to see his grandma and be able to spend her last weeks/months with her because of visa issues. +4. Dealing with a potential looming layoff at his company that could impact his ability to stay in the US. + +He went back on Prozac a few weeks ago to cope with everything and the resulting depression. + +I'm hurt that he broke things off but I understand that the relationship is the least of his priorities given the circumstances. I still want to be there for him as a friend. What can I do to support him through this difficult time?",How to support my ex who is on antidepressants,1 +790,"That feeling of going home after hanging out with friends. After you get home it’s relieving that you don’t have to smile anymore, or be happy for that matter. It’s like hot and cold, it’s so nice to see the people you love, but then go home and just lay and wither away.",Rabbit hole,1 +791,"I just don't understand why my brain is like this. I want to be happy I think I do at least. I just I've never experienced happiness in any normal way. I haven't eaten in let's see... about 5 days, oh it's 1am so yeah 5 days. I've got snacks, protein powder, easy meals, whatever, I just don't have any appetite anymore. I don't have the willpower to force myself to do anything now let alone feed myself, I mean I've literally made awesome dinners for my family so many times, just to not eat any myself. And I have always had these moments of pure self hatred where I don't feel anything aside from depression, honestly for as long as I can remember. I was born like this. And it's progressively been happening more and more often, and it tends to get more severe each time. Now I have reached a point where the depression doesn't even bother me anymore I don't have the urge to fight off the negativity it all feels normal, like I'm meant to feel this way regardless of what I do. My anxiety often fights off the urges to di, fear of nothing happening after death, the question of is it better to be alive and suffer or die and be nothing, you know the usual.. However in these moments, in this moment I suppose, I am completely zombified, I just lay in my bed trying my best to sleep my problems and my life away as much as possible, though I'm usually awake for hours/all night on my phone trying to distract myself from the demons in my brain. I just really let myself diminish into a pit of self hatred and past mistakes. I'm covered by state insurance and I have seen professionals, I'm aware of my mental issues and im medicated, on paroxetine 40mg, and lamotrigine 100mg. But the process is never as simple as ""call and make an appointment"" . It's hard to work up the strength to care enough to call. And then when you get busy, uncoordinated state covered mental health facilities on top of it... Well I'm sure a lot of you can relate.. so usually, even when I try my best I am unable to get professional help for my issues because I am way too broke to afford anything that's not covered by my insurance, and on top of that we moved states and insurance recently. So here I am.. I guess I don't really have a goal here or like a question or anything.. sorry. I just want to vent to strangers. Maybe some will relate and this might just be enough for them to view things in their own life differently.",I don't care about anything anymore,1 +792,"So this is maybe the wrong kind of question, but has anyone here gone on Zoloft and just started feeling like doing nothing but sleep? I've been on it for probably 3 weeks now, and it's becoming more of a problem. The last two days especially I've barely felt like being awake at all. + +I have an appointment Friday, but not with my prescriber, so I'll bring it up but I wondered if anyone else has had this happen and if it improves with more time or whether it might be that I need to have my medication switched.",Antidepressants...,1 +793,I get so scared at night and not even of normal stuff. Like I feel like a normal person would be scared of an intruder or a spider or something. I get scared like what if the portal to hell is outside my door or what if the sky changes color all of a sudden or what if I go to the bathroom and everything is upside down. Is this normal if not what does it mean,is it normal to be terrified of irrational things,1 +794,"I think my everything failed when I kept giving up on killing myself. I kept trying and trying to make him even fucking care when all he wanted was sex. All he wanted from me was some fuck hole. As I’d lay there and let him do what he wants and I’d sit and cry when I’d get home wondering if I should have let anything continue if I should have let him do this to me as he continues to use me for shit. I hope he actually kills himself before me so I can go spit on his grave and cry at the same time, because he is all I have left and he ignores me and complains that I fuck up so much and how I can’t do anything right. And I can’t do anything if I leave him he’s gonna attack me and most likely ruin my life. Even if it’s already fucked. He’s like a fucking man child he can bitch at me and treat me like shit but when it comes to me even slightly being upset because of his actions I’m the fucking bad guy. I’m the piece of shit.he is why I want to kill my self he is why I don’t want to find anyone to help me because he will get mad it’s not him. He will get pissed that I didn’t tell him I was going to kill myself while he has told me he wouldn’t care that I would die that I should do it and I will this week once I get the courage I need to say goodbye and not feel like shit as I die. I’m tired and sick of trying so fucking hard for him to treat me like garbage. I know I fucked up before I did a lot of bad things in this relationship but I apologized. I changed and I became new and now it hurts. Now I’m hurting myself when I said I wouldn’t now I’m shoving a pistol in my mouth with one bullet so he can’t hurt himself when I do it. Even in the middle of dying I’m thinking of him. Im thinking of how much I truly love and care even when he’s done this to me. Im still wondering if I’ll actually do it or after i actually end up pregnant or maybe during pregnancy? I want to hurt him as he hurt me.I want to leave an impact on him when I die I want to make him hurt. But I don’t at the same time. (On a alt account so if I don’t see I’m sorry)",I don’t want to do this anymore,1 +795,"I’m 28 years old, a father to two beautiful amazing girls. I live a pretty decent live and scrape by pretty well. I still have days where I feel so depressed I don’t know what to do. I love to make people laugh I try to always work with integrity and love those around me. I want to leave everything better than how I found it but sometimes I feel like I am a waste of space and take up valuable oxygen from those more deserving. I look around and I would with many sick people and so many have it worse off than me I feel guilty for feeling bad when so many people are actually sick and I’m just a baby. The more I see the evil in the world and hatred spread throughout the more I feel like I don’t belong. I love my family but feel they are better off without me griping about my demons. Who am I to thing that I need to be heard when people have tangible problems?",Guilty,1 +796," I'm going to be a loner for the rest of my life. I might talk to people here and there but I've realized I'll never truly connect with anyone. I could never talk to someone for an extended period of time and I could never care about someone in a deep way. Im just weird and I'm not like others, I'm not meant to fit in this society. The only things that make me feel love in this world is music, yeah honestly music, where I can then daydream about a better place. I don't know I just feel tired of being alone, and I don't think it'll ever change, and its my fault no one elses. I wish that I could've lived a normal life, just to be a regular person like everyone else. They all understand each other. But life for me has always been so strange like I just wasn't supposed to be here, somehow I did end up here, I don't know why I'm here.",I think I will never connect with someone in a real way.,1 +797,i hate myself. i hate how i’m not pretty. i hate my thin ugly hair. i hate my face. i hate that i’m not good at anything. i hate that men get to judge my appearance and reject me like garbage. i hate that i’m not smart enough for my dream education. i hate being a try-hard but still failing. i hate being humiliated by men who call me ugly to my face in front of my friends. i hate being criticized for small mistakes. i hate being told to smile. i hate that i hate people for no reason. i hate that i thirst over guys who don’t care if i live or die. i hate that my brother feels ashamed to go to the store with me. i hate that i can’t get up at 6am every day. i hate that i can’t cut myself deep enough. i hate my terrible fashion sense. i hate that i’m broke and work three jobs. i hate when men are disgusted by me. i hate how wide my shoulders are from the back. i hate that i failed my driver’s license. i hate that i have to imagine what having a boyfriend would be like. i hate when my friends ignore me in public. i hate that i always give up. i hate that men make fun of my boobs. i hate that i waste so much time.,venting,1 +798,"I've (25f) been going through the most stressful depressive episode i've ever been in and I can hardly get anything done. At best, I get maybe 1~2 hours of work done in the afternoon before I have an anxiety/stress/depression(???) attack and my body decides to just shut down. Literally, it's hard for me to move and i'd collapse if i try to stand, i can't keep my eyes open, and it wears me out to the point that afterwards I just lay there and try to do something low energy like reading until I get up to make sure I at least eat something and spend some time with my parents. I can usually spend a bit more time on work if I'm feeling particularly good or hobbies like music and art if I don't have another attack at night but I'm also only productive for maybe 1~2 hours before I switch to something low energy again . Really my low energy activity is mostly just reading fiction. Sometimes I'll try to play video games but that's rare nowadays. (My therapist knows all of this and we're working on it. Still gotta handle it in the meantime though). + +I'm not employed right now but I do remote volunteer work that takes probably 7~10 hours a week. I can get my work done but I feel like im seriously hanging by a thread. I'm also job searching but to be honest, I have no idea how I'll hold down a full time job. I'm not sure I can even really hold down a remote part time job truthfully. I've considered at least taking small freelance gigs but it's difficult to get going. + +I feel like im making a lot of excuses since i use to autopilot pretty well through high school and college but with the intense physical symptoms I have now, I feel like my depression is more debilitating than ever. I'm kind of scared that soon I won't be able to manage anything and I'll let my life slip by. :( + + + +Tldr; I probably avg 1~2 hours of productivity (work and hobbies) a day, autopilot isnt working since i have physical symptoms that make it hard to move and leave me dead tired, i feel like im making excuses, and my depression feels inscreasingly debilitating. + +Just wondering how you guys manage to get things done or if there's others that may be going through the same struggle.",How does anyone do anything???,1 +799,"I am 20 years old, and a university student in South Korea. + +When I was in high school, I was betrayed by friends who I really trusted. I experienced that one of my closest friends got bullied and quit school. I was so afraid, and I tried to befriend students in other classrooms. Therefore, they were my best friends. + +During the field trip, they said that they disliked me and asked me to leave. I was so shocked. I tried to talk with the teacher, but it was meaningless. After that, I was alone, and I spent days in fear. A week later, I was diagnosed with severe depression. I really had tough times. As I tried to commit suicide, I was hospitalized for 2 months. + +I believed that the only way to change this situation is going to university. I studied hard and others said my achievement is a miracle. However, my time stopped in high school. My heart and the way how to treat others are the same as a high school student like the days, I spent the whole night crying. I am good at making good relationships with professors. I treat them politely and as people who I have to learn. Meanwhile, I am not good with friends, because I am so afraid and don't know how to make a good relationship. + +Have you seen 'The Glory'? They said victims were abandoned at times they suffered. I totally understand what they meant. + +Fortunately, my medication is almost over. The psychiatrist will not prescribe antidepressants soon. That's what I dreamed and wished for. However, I am so afraid, because “I am cured” doesn't mean “my past is recovered”. + +I just tell my story of depression and concern... I didn't have any purpose for you, but I just wanted to tell it.",Now I am afraid of getting out of this darkness,1 +800,"this has been going on for a while now and she’s had a lot of mental health issues for a while now. I tried to take her to her home city to get away and help her out, but as soon as we came back she felt the same way if not worse. i’m not sure what else to do, and i took off work several times just to help her with her crisis, but that doesn’t even help anymore. everything i do makes it worse, and i make it about myself and how much this hurts me. everything it puts me through, and how my life would be meaningless without her. she’s told me now that i make things worse and that i don’t know how to help her properly, i feel lost and honestly depressed myself because i don’t know how to help her even though that’s all i try to do. what do i do?",How do I help my partner with suicide and depression without making it about myself? (I know I sound awful),1 +801,"Everyone else is happily married, with kids and I feel like I’ll never be good enough to be someone’s wife or mom. Everything around me feels so hopeless. I just don’t want to wake up.",I’m a failure,1 +802,"He has done everything for me. He has taught me everything, physical and emotional stuff. + +He dropped his dreams of working as an engineer just so he can help my mom’s small business and watch over me easily + +He used to smoke but quit right before I was born + +He used to be in a gang in Vietnam but dropped all of that just to go to the US and start a family, he tells of how gangs of kids in their school would jump the fence and literally start fighting and shoot at each other with marbles using slingshots + +He tells me stories of his childhood and how at one point at my age (18) he fought off 2 guys and defended his mom by throwing his bike at them + +He is very easy-going and understanding. Street smart + +He literally cooks for me every night even though I already know to cook for myself and every weekend we go camping, fishing, or etc + +BUT. + +So far in my life, he has been my only friend and it feels like I failed him. I’m a nobody, I’m not smart or attractive. I’m not an ivy student. I’m mediocre with no ambition and going to community college. How can my father have this exciting life and look at me in the eye and still say he’s proud of me and loves me? How can he look at a kid who has never once been complimented by a stranger and call him handsome? Or how can he call a kid who never got a 4.0 or any academic award smart? Why does my father love me so much? It would’ve been so much easier to just end it all but he has to love me and make me stay. As I’m writing this I’ve been crying so much, I was so numb for months but suddenly during my 18th birthday and this post it’s all pouring out, it’s pathetic, I would never want him to see me like this. I’m a disgrace who will end the bloodline of smart and attractive doctors, soldiers, and farmers. No girl will want a guy who is this connected to his father, is there such a thing as a “dada’s boy”? Goes to show how pathetic and unintelligent I am when this is one of the few things I pour my heart into and it turns out like some middle schooler wrote it.",My dad is a G 🔥,1 +803," + +A guy in the tail end of high school liked a girl who was his classmate so much but did not ask her out because they were friends. Also, the guy had low self-esteem. After they were close and sometimes flirted but nothing serious, they continued to be friends through college even though she studied out of town. Every time she goes back home, they hang out. + +During college, the guy majors in chemistry, and during the third year, he got depressed and caved into pressure and had a panic attack due to not catching up in school and the idea that he is a failure to his parents. That resulted in him not going to school anymore. He did this in secret throughout the semester, so when the next semester is up, his parents discovered that he stopped going to school and instead wandered around town and wasted time in LAN cafes. During this incident, he cut off all communication with his friends and acquaintances. He was lonely during this time. After his family discovered the incident, his family already saw him as a failure, and it was clear from their eyes and the way they treated him. This got him more depressed and ashamed. + +At some point, he realized he had lost the motivation to do anything productive. He did not know when it started, so he pondered and remembered when he was last motivated and realized that it was only because of his friends back then. Then he thought back to his childhood and realized he would rather not try to do anything because if he made a mistake, he would be punished. And if he did good, then nothing. Maybe he was not motivated at all because he was raised in a negative punishment methodology of parenthood. He blamed his parents for the things that he was, but he also realized that his parents did everything to provide for his needs except for the needs of warmth and recognition. He was conflicted. + +His parents asked him to go to school after the school year ended, and he accepted. As he was ashamed of what he did, he studied in another town. During his studies, he realized that he could not make any meaningful connection with anyone at all. He realized again he was lonely. + +During this second chance of studying, he heard news about the girl he liked, and he felt things. When it was good news, he was happy. When it was bad news, he was concerned. One of the guy's high school friend's fathers died, and he saw her again. It was weird. He realized he loved her and he now only loves the idea of her, a type of obsession of pain, as every future that the guy saw was with her. But she is now in a happy relationship, and the guy she is in a relationship with is great, and the guy thinks that they would be married, and the guy also thinks it's good for them to be married. + + After graduation, the guy returned to his hometown but remained unemployed. He felt lost and uncertain of what to do next. He often thought of his past mistakes and regrets, including not pursuing the girl he had feelings for and not taking his studies seriously. + +As time passed, he became more and more discouraged. He didn't have the motivation to pursue any opportunities that came his way, even those that could have helped him grow and develop his skills. He spent most of his days alone, feeling like he was stuck in a never-ending cycle of hopelessness and despair. + +Despite the encouragement of his friends and family, he continued to feel like a failure. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had let everyone down, including himself. He knew that he needed to make a change, but he didn't know where to start. + +The future was uncertain, and he didn't know what would happen next. But he knew that he couldn't give up, even when things seemed impossible. He would continue to search for a way out of his current situation, hoping that one day he could find his way back to a brighter future.",an inchorent story made cogerent by gpt sothere mught be a little additional dramatic effect,1 +804,I am unable to focus on work and deliver on deadlines. I can't even do basic tasks like preparing quotes. I cannot do anything that is multi step and i can't even break the process to small steps. There's no tricking the brain. I am in a standstill most of the time. I fear I may lose my job soon. Most days I barely do any work. I am only employed because of my brother in law and because I do a lot of menial tasks for his family apart from what I am supposed to as an architect. I am really scared.,Depression affecting work.,1 +805,"Today I saw a Snapchat of around 6 coworkers having a bday party for my other coworker, who I considered a friend. We've only known each other for a year, but I thought we've gotten along great. I thought I got along with everyone pretty well. But I didn't hear anything about a party and now I feel incredibly alone again. I've always been the shy anxious kid, I've had maybe 3 good friends max all the way up through highschool. And since then we've all gone out separate ways. I feel like I'm never someone's first choice. Usually people don't talk to me unless I initiate. And it gets tiring, being the only one putting effort into a relationship. It sucks, I thought I was getting along well with everyone and now I'm realizing it's the same shit. I'm gonna go back to keeping them as coworkers and being more private. All I have is 1 amazing friend who lives across the country from me. I'm 23 and I feel like I'm gonna be alone forever",Feeling very lonely,1 +806,"i recently got diagnosed after a suicide attempt in the fall + +&#x200B; + +come to think of it i had depression, low grade depression specifically, since middle school. + +&#x200B; + +I always overthought and compared myself because I was not the stereotypical smart asian kid like in a book i read, but getting abused by my church and my sister took on a whole new meaning. those assholes fucked me up without me realizing even though my parents were supportive and didn't want me to be sad.",undiagnosed depression since middle school,1 +807," +28 y/o adderall, caffeine, kratom addict living/renting from divorced parent & step parent. + +Tumultuous childhood, regularly bullied/beaten by older sibling. Parents fought viciously on a regular basis. My personality lost all semblance of normalcy at age 5. From then on out, I saw the world around me as a threat. It only got worse after school when I accelerated my drug use. My older sibling killed themselves when I was 19, and that sent me over the edge. I pushed everybody away. Now I'm alone & I swear it feels bloody impossible to have relationships like I used to. +I live a vicious cycle of working a to earn a little money so I can spend it on drugs which enables me to tolerate work. I'm not getting anywhere. I'm going nowhere, slowly. + +I have a vacation coming up (first one in 15 years). 2 weeks in a tropical destination as a birthday gift from a loved one. I think I'm gonna use it to get off drugs so I can fially move forward in my life. Cause right now I'm seriously not having a good time. I feel like this is my last chance to turn things around before my life devolves fully into chaos and I'll feel like it's necessary to clock out and leave. + +I just wanted to tell somebody.",I dun goofed,1 +808,"Been depressed my whole life i am surprisingly optimistic about my future because i have found the root cause of my depression,now i have to work on overcome my fear of being my authentic self.",I've never once been happy in my 28 years of living,1 +809,"Relatively young (early 30s) cis decent looking white guy with a well paying job, good physical health, educated, yada yada yada and every other week I think about ending things because I’m absolutely miserable",Why can’t I appreciate what I have?,1 +810,"Mom passed away at a young tender age. Dad was not around. Grandma was in line to get custody of my brother and I. Grandma died the week of the custody hearing. Lived with paternal aunt for 3 years. Physically abu$3d and mistreated often. Then moved in with aging cousin and her perv3rt husband. Sexually abu$3d from 9 to 15 yrsold. Then moved to foster care at 15, worst experience felt like I was no one’s child. Fast forward I am 29 with nothing and need my mom more than ever",Childhood Trauma,1 +811,"Im going to feel in peace finally, it's going to be in a week or maybe in some days I need to think about it yet, i need help with medicine that doesn't need a prescription and is deadly with alcohol, also that doesn't hurt cause I just don't want to feel any pain I just want to feel like I'm sleepy, I won't go to therapy cause I just don't wanna keep fighting anymore, i can see my life after everything this happen and I just don't see Any improvement, I'd rather have peace now that I'm 20 than keep suffering the years ahead, if anyone is trying to help me please send a dm",Help,1 +812,"Every time my friend got depressed, he wouldn't talk to anyone. I was able to help him when I was close, but now he lives much further away from me. His desire not to talk to anyone started to increase in him and it took longer. At first I decided to leave him alone, but that didn't quite work. I try to talk to him, but it doesn't work, he doesn't reply at all unless I insist on my messages, and when I insist he gives a very short answer. I don't know what to do can someone help me please",My friend's depression,1 +813,Idk what to do I was having a hard day and my partner knew and said let’s do a double suicide can’t they see how fucked that was to suggest,Suicide,1 +814,"But I don't know how to do it. I want to end it. I'm living on a government pension, and have a meeting to discuss my health problems on Thursday, tomorrow I have a job interview first one in ages and I just can't do it. I don't want to do it anymore",I can't do this anymore,1 +815,I'm quite depressed and have been for a long time now. I thought this show really showed the difference between someone who just want's a break from it all and someone who has nothing left in their lives. I don't think I've seen a better representation of depression in television.,What Do Ye Think Of Flowers (TV Show),1 +816,"I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Even when I was young, I wasn’t really happy. Anyway, I was diagnosed in my early twenties. I have learned how to live with depression, how to alleviate it etc. +I haven’t really been to therapy a lot, for several reasons. Lately, I don’t have the energy for most things. I can barely make it through the day. I have deadlines and things to do and I really really want to get out of this vicious cycle and get better. But every now and then, I completely lose hope. I don’t really want to die, because despite everything I maintain my optimism that things can and will change. +But in the meantime… how am I supposed to function to get there? Change only happens with actions. I don’t have the energy. I’ve lost all motivation. + +My main problem these days is: what’s the point? I see what’s going on in the world and everything is going to shit. People are fake as fuck. The only things that matter to society are extremely superficial. I don’t understand how people function in this society. + +It’s probably also helpful to mention that my home life is an epic disaster. I had to move in with my parents because I don’t work currently (thank you depression) and for the past year and a half, they have been in a pre-separation mode that they won’t conclude. I think that both of them are narcissists who ultimately only care about themselves. My mom holds me responsible for her marriage and she has played the victim her whole life. My dad is a narcissistic liar who won’t deal with the truth. My siblings are pretty toxic and I am the one that they all depend on for emotional support. The thing, no one is really there for me. + +Anyway. This was a rant I needed to let out because I don’t really have anyone to vent to. I don’t want to burden my boyfriend with my depression, he doesn’t deal well with it. I don’t want to tell my friend about this because they have their own problems and we barely ever get to talk (they all live abroad). I rarely meet people who understand me. + +Can anyone relate to my story?",I’m so lost,1 +817,"I (18f) don't see things getting better. Tomorrow I'm visitng my grandma and I'm gonna take some pictures with her so she can have a memory of her grandchild that isn't associated with death. I love my grandma. + +I'm addicted to cannabis and any other drug I can get my hands on. It's the only thing that gives me relief from my suicidal thoughts and ptsd. + +I had a good job, had a breakdown and quit. Just like my last job. I'm pathetic. I'm useless. I'm poor and I can't even help my mom out with rent or groceries. + +I'm planning on killing myself soon. I don't see things getting better at all. Fuck this world.",Probably gonna end it sometime this year.,1 +818,"a few of my friends randomly called me out today for always putting myself down and always being sad/crying for ‘no reason’ and told me how ‘annoying’ it is (they also called out a few other disorders i deal with) +i told them i suffer with depression (which they know) and i’m seeing a professional to help me with it, yet they still said it. making me feel 10x worse. i even apologised to them…but they picked apart my apology and created more problems so at this point i don’t feel like trying anymore. + +i understand that dealing with depressed people can be a lot for some, but most of the time i stay quiet when i’m sad. they’re the same ones who always preach how ‘mental health matters’ on instagram, but in reality they act like this. + +i’m not sure what to do. i don’t have any other friends and some of my friends in that friend group are great, but those few friends hurt my feelings so bad. do i just pretend to be happy around them? today i kept crying at school because of what they said to me, and i fear tomorrow will be much worse. i hate attending school in the first place, but this makes it so much worse…",my friends are mad at me for being depressed,1 +819,"This is my first time posting here. I just feel super hopeless with nothing to look forward to but nothing is wrong. I have a good job and a beautiful son. I have a boyfriend, I'm not having money trouble but for some reason I just feel horrible. I can't stop crying, I don't want to do anything. I hate feeling like this. I wish I was normal. I just feel like a burden to be around. I don't know how to make this stop.",Very Sad crying all day but nothing is wrong,1 +820,"I (22) have been living with suicide thoughts since I was 15 y/o and and I've been tried to kill myself at least 5 times. + + I really can't remember when I was ok, but at the same time it's been at least 2 years since I tried to kill myself, so I think there's an improvement. But now I just feel tired of trying, tired of existing, my hair is a mess, my bedroom is in a terrible condition and I have to force myself to eat. + +I can't find something that excites me, it's just like if I was alone all the time, but at the same time surrounded by people that can't comprehend this feeling. + +Is it cause I don't have friends? My social anxiety got worse over time. As I met new people, they just treated me like a clown, it was as if I were their entertainment. + +Even sending a message online makes my heart run like crazy. Once someone harassed me when entering a chat for kpop stans, it was a traumatic experience so I decided to go as incognito as I could. + +And then I can't get treatment for this. + +Why don't I go to a psychologist? You may ask, well... There's a member of my family that is a psychologist and she's really a manipulative and an hypocrite b**** so my parents don't let me see one. I know they are worried, but I need help.",Is it possible for me to be happy?,1 +821,"I don’t even know where to start I really don’t. I barely even know how to describe how I’m feeling. But when I say I have never felt this broken, completely lonely, and depressed I mean it. I truly just need someone to talk too, vent, and just let everything out because I just don’t know what to do anymore and I honestly don’t know what to do.",My Cry for Help,1 +822,"I don’t know if this makes sense, but this mental dancing on the line of being just okay and extremely not okay. Has taken an extreme toll on me lately. It seems every time something or someone chips away at me, it robs me my opportunity to make that part of me better. I’m so sad, i don’t have any real parents, almost no real family. My dog is genuinely the only thing that brings happiness constantly. If only it wouldn’t break this poor dogs heart for me too be gone, if i could just make her forget i was here, i could be at peace with myself. The inner turmoil has become so great, not entirely sure how much longer I can mingle on the line of okay and very not okay. The bad may outweigh the good in my reality, my reality isn’t everyone’s, hopefully they will understand that. + +Signed, +Pain",I think being okay for so long has made me not okay.,1 +823,"I live relatively a good life compared to most people. Have a nice girlfriend, family, money. But I don't see the purpose of living. I have been going to therapy recently. They told me to hang on the small purposes I have now. But I think it's not enough. What if my girlfriend leaves me. What if I get bored of my current hobbies. I don't have a strong sense of purpose. I cannot just hang on to the temporary small things.",Just wanna die,1 +824," I'm not in the best of state (mentally). Sitting around doing school or on the phone, pretty much spending my life in my room. My biggest problem in life is no motivation. I have a lot of trouble getting my school done. Sometimes I get so far behind that thing start to go crazy. + Drawing off point here. So I get these bizarre periods of depression. Lasting from 3 to 12 hours, one time it lasted for 2 days. And when I get like this I don't eat, sleep, or talk to anyone. I get these strong urges to end my life; convincing myself that it's the right thing to do. Calling myself a coward if I somehow failed in the past. + But the truth is........ + I'm scared + I'm scared that one day it will get so bad that I'll actually kill myself. I try to find ways to slap myself out of my depressed states. Calm myself down and try to relax. Maybe go outside for a walk. + My parents and siblings really don't take mental illnesses seriously and I have no way of seeing a therapist. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to die. But I lose my common sense when I'm depressed. Is there some way around it? or maybe a way of convincing my family that it's a problem? Is it to much to ask for help?",Is anyone here scared of themselves?,1 +825,"When do you no longer feel ""tired""? +Not sleepy... Just tired.",Tell me,1 +826,"I have a few friends who I don't hang out with too much, but I still usually feel like I have no one to talk to, and this has been eating at me for quite some time now. I'm trying to work on meeting new people and I think I'd want to be in a relationship soon but I'm pretty awkward in general so it's hard for me to actually talk to people. I honestly think I might maybe be less depressed if I just knew someone I could talk to I guess.",Feel Really Lonely and Isolated for Some Reason,1 +827,"I often find myself as of recent , feeling like Mr. Krabs without his shell .",Mr.Krabs,1 +828,When I was younger my life was in danger cuz of hard illness after My long recovery my mom died to cancer I know this isnt propably my fault by still all life I blame myself I am alive But my mom isnt and I blade myself for I dont wanna my life and I am not happy in it. But I cant give it to my mom so się can enoy more being alive. I hate myself But wanna become anybody in life to make (mom ghost(No i dont hear Or See her)) proud . But all my short life I suck in everything and I dont See any future for me,Hi! I tired about life now and im only 19 I am scared this feeling going to beat me. I life only for fun from irony of being alive,1 +829,"I’m fully grown, have a degree, gainfully employed. The only people I’m close with anymore is my parents. My siblings have children so my parents won’t be alone. I think my parents would be the only people really deeply hurt if I left, which sort of makes it the right time to go. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to ease the loss for people close to them. I wish I could have their blessing but I don’t think it would be right to involve them in my decision.",How to approach loved ones about your loss?,1 +830,"I have no idea how to continue, I'm fed up beyond belief and feel I have nowhere to turn. I feel like I can't continue anymore","Feelings of worthlessness, criticising myself all the time, mood-swings due to severe self-loathing, insomnia, isolation, regret over past mistakes (mainly due to alcoholism), so angry im grinding my teeth constantly, unable to exercise due to illnesses and injury, snapping at people",1 +831,I’m am a 17 year male I’m tall and lanky when I was alot younger maybe around 6-7 I use to like wear shorts until some kids started judging on how skinny I was then I started feeling some type of way fast forward a couple years me and my cousin and older brother was in Walmart my cousin decided open a bag of chips and leave them the employee noticed so she came over to us she didn’t see our faces but she knew 3 boys did it so she immediately blamed me and I asked my cousin why he said maybe bc your ugly I don’t hate him for that or anything bc I used to get bullied when I 6-7 about my body type and my face so it kinda made sense fast forward to 14-17 covid happened worst thing that ever happened to me I lost all my friends social skills everything I was a people pleaser in school so i literally didn’t know who I was I went through a intense sadness still am kinda because even my own friends used to called me ugly but I just brush it off but i started thinking about since I had a lot more free time the shit literally ruined me for like a year I used to hope to die in my sleep but after a year I gained the courage to talk to some girls went terrible they said how you looks I sent a photo and they replies was always oh or just block me that shit ruined me even more to the I occasionally try to yk since I was lonely and didn’t have nobody to the deed with I got addicted it’s sometimes so bad I get extremely upset that I couldn’t watch it or find a good video it made my social skills even worse I couldn’t even look at a girl and not thinking about having sex im 3 days free off of it now ik this probably won’t make since it’s short this is just my childhood trauma affecting me and going through a mid life crises i wish the best for anyone that’s fighting depression also and know your not alone,Just my thoughts,1 +832,"I don’t know how many times I’ve fantasized a relationship knowing it will never happen. Yet each time I do it, it makes me angry that I believe such a thing could happen. I hate that I’m aware that I’m making a fool out of myself yet again, I still choose to believe. I can’t ever stop thinking about this. It is the only topic ever on my mind. I hate seeing happy couples, I hate seeing people happy in general. I hate seeing people have fun while I spiral down into my own mental ruin. Whenever I get a opportunity to talk about my problems I never do it. Matter of fact, I don’t take opportunities to anything. I have only a couple “real friends” besides the people who are just horrible to me. No matter what I do, I’ll always be judged. I’m tired of being treated like an outcast for no reason. What the fuck did I do for you to hate me? There is no actual reason people are just fucking toxic. I’m tired of sitting here pretending that everything’s okay. I’m tired of hoping that things could change. I don’t need therapy, I don’t need any medication, I don’t need hope, I don’t need motivation + +I need to die + + +What am I saying, tomorrow will be better………right?",I don’t know what to name this,1 +833,"I've spent the last four years of my life telling myself that if I work hard and get into a good school with good people, things will get better. Well, college decisions rolled out this Friday-Sunday, and I only got into 3 safety schools that I wasn't at all planning on attending. I feel absolutely crushed. I don't understand it, and I've been trying my hardest despite ongoing mental health issues. + +The worst part is watching everyone around me get accepted. I've got a 4.3 GPA and plenty of AP classes, but left and right everyone I know is getting accepted into schools with half the acceptance rates of the ones I applied to. + +I don't even know what to do anymore. The thought of waiting a year and stomaching a whole other application process makes me want to scream. I've been hinging all of my hope for the past four years on this and its all gone.","I got rejected from every school I wanted to go to, and I feel crushed",1 +834,I know this is common but damn I’m hungry and just don’t care. Any tips on dealing with this other than forcing myself to eat?,Have had no desire to eat,1 +835,"Greetings, I am new to this sub and relatively new to Reddit. Let me give you some background on why I’m posting here. I ran across a post about a month ago from a young teenager about being depressed and all that (you know, the typical teenage woes). Out of kindness, I replied with some words of comfort, and after a while we started messaging and have kept in touch since. I am by no means an expert (outside of my personal experience dealing with depression and anxiety most of my adult life), but all signs point to him having some sort of mental health issues. + +Like everyone, he has had good days and bad days, but lately things have taken a darker turn and I’m realizing I’m in over my head. For a while our conversations never involved suicide, and I know I’m not really equipped to help people struggling with those thoughts, but now it’s come up a few times and I’m starting to feel like I could be in danger of inadvertently saying the wrong thing or somehow making the situation worse. My first inclination was to steer him in the direction of talking to parents or another trusted adult, getting therapy, etc., but for several reasons that’s not an option right now. + +At this point, I’m completely committed to helping this kid get the help he needs and I won’t abandon him just because this situation has become more complicated than I originally anticipated. I started myself down this road, and I won’t give up until I know he’s safe or at least in the right hands. I don’t want to get into any details in this post, but I could really use some advice from anyone who understands how to talk to a very depressed / suicidal kid who probably has mental health issues and is desperately searching for a reason to keep living.","Trying to help a friend, I’m in over my head. Please help!",1 +836,Title,Why the fuck is it that I desperately want to hang out and connect with people but when they invite me to events I get lazy and decline?,1 +837,"Please help! How can I force myself to sleep all day even when I'm not tired? I'm fucking sick of being awake, I can take melatonin and Benadryl but I'll build up a tolerance to both. Please help, I don't know what to do or where else to ask","Please help, how can I force myself to sleep all day",1 +838,I’m autistic. I have adhd. And severe clinical depression. I failed highschool. Failed college. Failed every job. Failed a 5 yr relationship last month and now my small business. My little shop that’s all I have left in the world is being taken away from me. The landlord won’t renew my lease because of complaints from the business next to mine who have been trying to get me kicked out so they can expand. Its a custom framing store and I have no idea what I’m going to do. I don’t know where I’m going to go. How I’m going to move my equipment. How I’m going to keep my customers. This was all I had. It was my safe place. The one thing I thought no one could take away from me. Fucking Florida and republicans have given all of the power to landlords there’s nothing I can do. I was the last standing custom frame store in a 50 mile radius that Made it through covid. Landlord increased my rent every year and I still found a way to pay it. The Assholes that own this plaza don’t even live in this area. This is my home town. My community. Now what,Another one,1 +839,"Did anyone else have very few hobbies or interests growing up? I'm 20m and for the past 4 years, I haven't gotten into any hobbies or interesting things. I have a hard time relating to people because I don't have anything to talk about. It feels like I don't have a personality. + +My whole life has been dedicated to pleasing others. Doing what I think they want me to do, saying what I think they want me to say. I'm struggling with having interests because I honestly don't even know what I like. + +Because of this, I don't really have any long-term goals for my career, hobbies, personal growth, etc. I just want to be a normal, functioning member of society but I'm struggling to find an identity. I end up laying in bed all day, working towards nothing because I'm too scared to even try. + +Anyways those are my thoughts. Hopefully, some of you can relate.",Afraid to have a personality,1 +840,"Don’t really know how to explain this further. Throughout my life I’ve been tortured with medical issues and a dysfunctional family and so on and so fourth. This made me able to “resist” depression if that makes sense. I could, essentially, ignore it. I could force the happiness through and suppress anything else. + +Little things have made me happier than normal over the last five months, including someone I thought was my friend, until it became obvious that likely isn’t the case. Before this I had entire, fantastical and delusional ideas about what the next few months could look like between us. + +Things are getting worse between my family too, and now I’m dealing with a shitton more responsibilities that will likely be falling on me within a few months from now. That and this crumbling relationship (only friendship, and the farthest one has ever got for me) are starting to push me to the end of the line. I’m finding myself randomly breaking down more often and I feel like, unless something drastic happens, I’ll explode. + +The best visual representation of this (it’s fairly stupid and niche, I know) is a scene in Umbrella Academy 3 (ep 7, trying not to spoil anything) where a big problem was averted, then this was celebrated, and then the crisis comes back with more ferocity than before in an extremely short amount of time.","Does anyone feel like they’re on the edge of a cliff of being content/happy, and one small thing could make you fall off?",1 +841,"For a while now ive had visions and thoughts of myself being dead or committing suicide and how all my loved ones would react, but i never have planned to do it or even have come close to at all, because I don’t want to really die i just dont want to feel this way, and i dealt with them for so long i thought it was normal. I told my friend and he was shocked that I had thoughts like that. I guess I became so used to it I saw nothing wrong with them since I never actually wanted to commit suicide..?",Suicidal Ideation,1 +842,"I'm 29 and from the UK and I am disabled (Bladder/kidney condition + diagnosed autistic last year). My benefits were stopped and the appeal proccess to even begin getting them back is 8 weeks, I have no money, my bank account is completely overdrawn and I can't afford to pay for anything, my bills are all bouncing and I really do not know what to do, it's getting me in to a very bad place. I've never coped very well with stress/anxiety and now it is through the roof. My credit is slowly getting ruined, I've tried to get a loan to get me out of my overdraft whilst my benefit appeal is going through, declined by them all. I have no friends, my family isn't close, I look after my mum who is bedridden and it is giving her stress too, as I was paying her to help with our bills and can't now. Everything is just a bit shit, I feel like a failure. The system that has stopped my benefits is so dehumanising, having to prove and be judged how my conditions effect me and being deemed unworthy of help, I'm not asking to be rich and nor have I ever been, Before they stopped my money I had around \~£90 a month extra to live on, which would usually just cover my travel to hospital appointments. I hate myself and this entire situation has only made me feel more worthless.",Financial trouble getting to me,1 +843,"I'm still young, but I've been depressed for years now. All throughout this, people have told me many times that ""it will get better"". It doesn't get better all by itself. It doesn't just happen. + +The effort that is required to start making my life better, and getting better myself, is something that I simply cannot put into it right now. I have tried countless times, and failed every single time. The more succesful attempts at recovering never lasted either, and it's always gotten as bad as things had been before. + +Even if I do get better, is it even worth it? I'm constantly suffering right now, and my brain feels like a torture prison, that I'm forever stuck inside of. I could end that pain right now, instead of working hard, and regaining a bit of control over my life... + +But this world sucks. I don't think living in it can even be that great. I'm not sure if I'm willing to dedicate so much effort, just to live in this piece of shit society. I'm tired.",I'm starting to doubt if getting better is even worth the effort and suffering.,1 +844,"Hello, +I’m just looking for any ideas of how to help myself really. I realised a few weeks ago that I’m depressed. Mainly because I’m a general failure at life really, but I’ve also had a couple of traumatic incidents in the past. I sleep all the time, I eat fast food and chocolate and I just never seem to FEEL anything except annoyance. I’m on sertraline (have been for years for anxiety), but I still feel this way. The NHS website says to exercise, but I don’t want to do that, and I’m also hypermobile which makes it difficult to exercise. I want to get better, but I don’t really know how 🤔 +If anyone has got any advice on how to help myself, I would really appreciate it. +P.S I do not currently have any thoughts that I would be better off dead. I am not thinking of or planning on doing that.",Recently realised I’m depressed and I don’t know how to help myself.,1 +845,"I am 27 (M). I am married and I have an amazing, loving and supportive wife. However, I am divorced. My ex-wife hurt me pretty bad, but not how most people would think. She had two sons and I happily raised them as my own (#1) and things were great. One day, she made the suggestion that I should get a vasectomy because neither of us wanted more children and we were both completely happy with our lives at that point. She didn't force me too, but I did it. I trusted my wife. I got the procedure (#2). Fast forward, one day, I find my wife in my bed with another man, such decency. + +We divorce, I lose everything, as most men do. I lose my wife, I lose my children (that I raised from infancy, but aren't biologically mine, so I have absolutely no rights in the state I live in and I have never seen them since the day she left). + +I get married, I tell my now wife up-front about everything. She loves me anyway. I can't shake the feeling of what I have done to myself. To take it steps further, I work in child welfare. Everyday, I see people who have children and they piss it away. I would give anything for that opportunity. I paid thousands for a reversal and it wasn't successful. I've never been a suicidal man and I've never felt any panic type emotions until all of this hit me in the face. + +Everything I have done to myself. I know life isn't over, but I now have to face the reality that I could quite literally die alone... And I am 27. I've tried medicine, I've tried exercise, I've tried counseling, for months. Nothing shakes this feeling of emptiness. I feel like I was set up and robbed, but what was taken was worth much more than money. I don't know who to call, I don't know where to turn.. I'm not even sure if this is the right place to be but.. I know my wife loves me. I just don't love myself anymore. I feel like the stupidest and most naive man to have ever lived. I trusted my wife. + +Most 27 year olds, you know, they do stupid things. I've thought about suicide but not because I don't want to be alive. My parents just think I was stupid for ever making that decision. All I can respond with is, ""Yeah, I was pretty stupid."" And that's it. + +I lay in my bed every night with a beautiful woman and I cry myself to sleep because I robbed myself and I robbed her and I can't cope with it. + +Can anyone help me?",Help,1 +846,"Hey everyone. I seem to have fallen into a real blue funk lately and I can’t seem to shake it. I’ve been on antidepressants for years and deal with some pretty intense anxiety, but I’m usually able to pull myself out as I’ve dealt with it for so long. I’ve cleaned my house, taken a nap, done my laundry, got outside, anything that usually helps alleviate - I’ve done it. I’m in a happy marriage, financially stable, overall live a healthy lifestyle but I seem to have this constant ache in my chest and lump in my throat lately. I don’t know how to get past it and it seems like nothing is working, but I really don’t want to see my doctor unless this persists for another week or two… does anyone have any suggestions for something that has helped them beat a blue phase? + +Thanks everyone",Can’t seem to shake this funk…,1 +847,"i took a gap yr i fumbled my first semester at school and im not smart enough to even do a STEM degree everything else is seen as “useless” degrees and those same useless degrees are the only thing i’m passionate abt, but i don’t know if im smart enough to transfer to those either. everyone else’s life seems so straight forward, they go to uni and make tons of friends and then get a great job but my life is a huge convoluted mess i spent all day today trying to think of solutions , im finally trying to be pragmatic instead of crying and feeling trapped and fuck me it is hard",Why can’t my life be straightforward,1 +848,"For the past 4 years I've (18m) struggled with depression, I guess it started with the very turbulent divorce of my parents (a violent fuckfest) when I was 14yo in 2019, it was at that time that I started doing drugs such as mdma, lsd and cocaine, however I'd say my drug consumption really started as young as 12 given that I would abuse my adhd medication (ritalin) by snorting it. +Later down that year I had some pretty shitty moments with my mother (physical violence) as my father abandoned us to go live in another country for half the year, when he came back, they found out about my drug usage, which again ended up in physical abuse and the over infantilization of a 15 yo boy who never had any freedom or power in his life, my parents started walking me to school (it was 2 blocks away from home lmao), once they even punched me infront of my classmates and threatened some random boy about beating him up because they confused him with someone I smoked weed with. +At the end of that year they sent me to love with my grandma in another country. +There I was, all alone in a country that was foreign to me although I was born there, I had family of course, but I can't really be myself around my family, the year was 2020 and I was just starting classes again when the pandemic hit, it was at that point when I abandoned my studies for the first time, tbh I didn't suffer through covid because I lived with my cousin and we played videogames all day, but I ended up drinking a ton of alcohol in secret again, sniffing gas from the stove, stealing pills from my grandma, because I was desperate, life felt like it physically weighted on me, +I stopped eating because sadness did not allow me to, I started getting weaker and weaker untill 10onths later my mother picked me up and we returned to tje country I was raised in. +It did not get better for a long time. +My mother did not trust me at all and didn't allow me to go outside (I was 16 at the time), she even hid the keys from me. +As I realized that she would never trust me again I said fuck it and started smoking weed again, yadda yadda I start studying again and pass the year (yay), but still, I was a 17yo boy who isolated himself for 2 years and didn't talk irl to anyone that wasn't family, I developed a serious internet addiction due to it. +In 2022 stuff got slightly better, but not really, during summer break I met a girl (26yo) online, and we start talking, we like each other, the first time I left my house in years for something that wasn't school was to meet her, which I did, at the cemetery, I was 17. +Later in that year I get into an altercation with my mother and she beats me again and kicked me out of her house, after that I live with my father for a couple weeks before she decided to ask me to come back home again (she never said sorry), I get even more depressive to the point I abandon my studies again. +Then I become 18 years old, and this 26yo girl I talked about before asks to unvirgin me (to which I said yes), she invited me to her brother's bday party. +When everyone went to sleep, we were in bed together, I was sleepy and high, and she was drunk and coked tf up, we had a very awkward kiss, I then say that I forgot to bring condoms and she mounts me anyway before I could say anything. +After that shitty experience we become a couple, my first girlfriend ever yay. +Fuck it was a rollercoaster of shit, she was abusive, she offered me coke after I was clean for 3 years, she insulted me and said I was only useful for sex, she even slapped me a couple of times. +Why does everyone abuses me? +Now, 2023, I have my first job, but I still struggle with my weight, which makes me very self aware of how weak and small I am.. I feel ugly, I feel emasculated. +Now I have to study again and I just can't keep up with study and work (my work shift goes from 4am to 12pm, and my classes go from 6pm to 12am) +I just want to give up, I feel like I don't deserve anything, I just want to sleep and sleep and wake up when everything's allright. +Sorry I don't know why I wrote this, sorry for the english.",not sure about what to do with my life.,1 +849,im on luvox and its making me physically sick (stomach) ive just been to the mental hospital twice and they put me on lithium. i dont see any marked improvement.,no medication ive tried has worked for me. all i have left to try is lexapro and TCA's,1 +850,"For the last week and a half I have gone completely cold cut with my meds (150mg Wellbutrin, 300mg Effexor) +And my mental state is the worst it had been in a long time, I’m extremely sad and tired 24/7, I eat next to nothing during the day and devour junk food during the night. But I feel like I can laugh again when I read a stupid joke or see a sarcastic TikTok, and those little moments are making me sure I’m not going back to meds",A post that will make people mad,1 +851,"My best friend moved away last summer and while I still talk with them on the phone, it’s not the same. My other friend has got a girlfriend and opted to not talk to me anymore for some reason. I’m insanely jealous of him. I just want somebody besides my parents to talk to. To lean on. To love. Rn I’m stuck with plants. I-I just want someone to love. I’m only 20 and I feel like I’m going to die alone. I don’t have unreasonable goals for myself. My only goal in life is to have a wife and family in the future, but I feel it’ll never happen to someone like me. I feel kind of dead inside. I don’t know how exactly to describe it. I just feel so… A L O N E .",I don’t know if I’m just chronically lonely or depressed.,1 +852,"I’ve been struggling with my depression for years. Along with having no friends the whole time and my girlfriend who had planned our whole future together left me. So now I have no-one, I’ve tried meds and therapy but nothing has helped, my family is just a huge mess on every side and I just have given up. I’ve lost faith in ever really being happy again. Even my hair has become ruined, I’ve had long hair a majority of my life and it’s how I like it but it’s now thinning and receding, I’m not even 22. +I really don’t know what to do",Feeling suicide is my only option,1 +853,Im a bad person. I’ve done terrible things I can’t stand to live with. How do I start trying to right my wrongs and make a positive influence on people and my Community. Not trying to balance out the equation to feel better. Just need to do right. Any opinions appreciated.,Righting my wrongs,1 +854,"Man, I’ve been living with this feeling since like roughly 11-12 years ago but only got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety about a year ago now. I mean I’m only 25 this year. +Last year was rough. I couldn’t enjoy anything in life everyday. I mean I still don’t. I stopped taking my antidepressants and seeing my therapist on a random day. I haven’t looked back since. + +I don’t think it’s possible to get completely rid of this feeling. Being utterly miserable, unlovable, a waste of space. It stays with you. Hearing a professional tell me I was mentally ill felt like a truck hauling a bus had ran me over, but that acknowledgment was merely confirmation that I wasn’t crazy. I’m not like the ordinary person who is able to smile without hiding their true self, the person who can be optimistic, the person who doesn’t think twice about hanging with friends and loved ones. + +Man. I am at the infancy of this journey, I am terrified. Every day I don’t want to wake up, but I do, everyday I don’t want to bathe but I do, I don’t want to talk but I do, I don’t want to walk my dogs but i do. Sometimes, all I can do is just wake up. Why won’t this feeling just leave me be? + +But it’s fine. If this is my slice of hell, fuck me someone else has it worse out there. At least I have a community (granted not everyone or anyone will read this but it’s importance is justified), I have a space I can just cry and rant about how much I fucking hate it all and they get it. + +Fuck me man, I mean, I hope I eventually get this monkey off my back but we’re likely to become friends before such a thing happens.",Lifelong monkey on one’s back.,1 +855,I’m in the Army and I have not been able to receive the help that I need. A lot of my friends are struggling as well. I’m considering sacrificing myself and committing suicide so that I can be a symbol for those suffering in my unit. I can’t do this anymore.,Sacrificing myself,1 +856,"I feel stuck in place. I want to move forward but decisions I've made in the past have not turned out well, so I worry that the next decision will be another failure instead of moving forward. Then depression and loneliness destroy my motivation to do much of anything. Loneliness and the fact that I express love and desire through touch makes my libido rage, but awkwardness and introvert tendencies make it hard to connect. But the longing for connections makes me make bad decisions in my wish for connection and intimacy. It all feels like too much. If I didn't have work I feel like I would just sleep all the time. Even the things that used to help, playing video games, reading, watching movies and shows bring me less and less joy as time moves on. Sometimes I'm even angry that I was born at all. Not that I've never had happy moments but they get lost in the sea of depression. So, here I float on these waters with no land in sight.",Stuck,1 +857,"I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I feel I’ve wasted my life away. I feel like a failure. For the life of me I can’t do anything right. I truly feel like dying would be so much easier for me. Suicide has been so rampant in my mind, not that I have the courage to do it. But sometimes I wish a car on the road would just come and take me away.",Life,1 +858,"All I have managed to do today is get dressed, and eat a few grapes- and obviously post this message + +&#x200B; + +I know how bad my depression is, but when I have days like today I think I often forget just how bad it is",It's been a bad day,1 +859,"I’m not formally diagnosed with depression so I hope you don’t mind me posting; I’m schizotypal (British, so it’s not a pd over here, it’s under schizophrenia), and autism, but they haven’t diagnosed anything to do with my mood, which is much needed tbh. + +Anyway, I’m having a tough time again and I constantly feel like I’m about to cry. This is fine when I’m alone, but right now I’m staying with my mum after nearly dying from necrotising pancreatitis. I keep actually starting to tear up, but I yawn to cover it up and pretend I’m just getting watery eyed. + +Does anyone know how I can get rid of the crying reflex. I’m not asking for any magical way to feel better, I understand there’s no fix for that, I’m just looking for a tip to mask it better. I don’t want my family constantly worrying about me. Thanks",Tips to keep yourself from crying?,1 +860,"I need help + +Idk how to do this anymore +I need help +I need someone to tell me its okay +I need help please",Please help me,1 +861,"SO GOOD! He has the sound I need YEY! + +&#x200B; + + **EKKSTACY** ",Best new artist for depression: EKKSTACY,1 +862,"I just don’t see a point to my suffering, I don’t understand it, I want to know what I’ve done so wrong to deserve everything, I’d say sorry and do anything to make it stop! I already have a burial plot in my home town due to my family buying some after my father over dosed on a cocktail of pain meds, I know I’m not perfect I’m sorry if I could be better mentally and get plastic surgery to look better, if I knew if I could just change I would I’m tired I’m so tired I have nothing to keep me here, I honestly believe even my boyfriend is probably just waiting for me to realize that he doesn’t actually like me, I’m just tired I’m living any more, my closest friend knows what to do when I die",I’m so tired,1 +863,"Back when I was in high school I was struggling to make friends and didn't have the greatest of home lifes either (my parents argued all the time and at times when they had no form of release for their anger and frustration I would end up their verbal punching bag or in extremely rare cases, physical action would be taken as well). Back then I was on a constant mental decline due to loneliness and solitude I constantly found my self in. In order to try and combat it I did theater programs run through my school. The high school I was at is know for their theatre programs as well as their music department. Though run by about 3-4 teachers, the school was known for how much it did within the field. the shows had thousands of dollars spent on them each year, the music students took trips to music competitions, with everyother year taking them to a competition in NYC. I loved theatre, even did quite well in it up until I was about 21, but it wasnt the environment of the school that got me into it. It was the fact that all the students seemed to friends with each other. Casts of the school shows seemed like familys at times and with my home life the way it was, I wanted something like that. So I joined the select choir, that led to me being subtly hinted at to audition for the schools shows (well, as subtle as people in that field could be). I did so hoping to join the family they created and got into the shows and was a part of the cast every year. now long story short I was never accepted fully into their family, it was those teenage years where they had already determined friend groups, but it allowed me time away from home for as many hours as possible. So some days with rehearsals or performances I would be at the school starting at 7 am until 11 pm. So I dedicated myself to the shows, they were the one thing that really kept me going. Cut my senior year, I was known for being a bad student amongst my peers. I never did homework because I would be too depressed at home to do it, so many teachers would yell at me in front of other students in attempts to get me to improve my habits. None of it worked though, mostly due to the fact that test scores could easily out weigh a students homework score to create a passing grade and with me never really getting below a 90 percent on any test, it led me to focus on theatre instead. I loved it at this point, the fall semester I was planning to audition for colleges and try to make a career out of this. Not only that but my school vocal director, who doubled as the musical director, chose a show we were gonna be dumping money into. I mean I think the show spent around 200k, fabrics imported for India, a large bell was made so it could be rung on stage without making a sound, costumes rented from the former professional touring production, it was a lot. I was excited for the year, my fellow seniors were all really talented and it felt like for once I had a piece of the future to look forward to, even if it was only 6 months worth of future. It didn't last long though. before the call back list was posted one day many of us were hanging out in the vocal directors classroom, one girl was sitting behind the desk of the director since it was the most comfortable chair there when she started going though some of the directors things. When pressed about it she said she was looking to see if her boyfriend at the time had made it into the show, if he didn't then she'd have to do her senior show without him. Another guy started to help her out of what I could only assume to be a mixture of bordem and curiosity when they stumbled apon a mock call back list as well as peoples rating for their auditions. the guy realized that they shouldn't be doing this and backed away to talk to others while the girl looked around asking others to look at it all for her. I wanted friends, so I did. I told her that her boyfriend had a good audition and when other students pressed me about out it, we talked about the call back list. The director eventually found out that people were going through her desk and when she asked other students about it, they all said I had done it in search of the call back list. None of them said that anything about the other two students, they didn't tell her how I just read out what they had found, they placed everything on me. I don't know why they all did this, I dont think I ever will, but it led to the director to looking to see if I had done anything else. Apparently at this point other students had claimed that I said that a girl wasn't in the call back list and it saddened her to the point of tears, first off that was wrong because I distinctly remember saying that she had a damn good chance to get the leading role along with everyone else on that list for it. She was and still is extremely talented and I've never claimed anything else. Next these students said I read the transcript of a math class for another student and bullied them for it. Now with this, I did read this transcript, the student had left it out on a table in the vocal classroom for about 2-3 weeks and one day I picked up and read it, made a comment about to to other students in the room, and put it back on the table it was. Unknown to me at the time, that student had dropped out, hence why he never came to retrieve the paper and why itd been there so long. I know the entirety of that situation because I had reached out to him to apologize when people started to blame me for him dropping out. He told me it was fine and didn't know what was happening because he made and followed through on that decision far before any of this happened. Unfortunately for me though the director only heard that the student dropped out, and that I according to others had bullied him. She pulled me aside one day to tell me how disappointed she was in me, she told me how she knew everything I'd done and that there's no reason to attempt to lie about anything. She said I was the reason that kid dropped out and that I robbed her of the chance to save him, she said I violated her trust by going through what must have been all of her things to find the audition information, and she said that she couldn't believe I would lie to people and tell others that a girl wasn't up for a role where she really was. I didn't know what to do, the director what certain in what she knew and I knew she wasn't changing her mind on any of it, so I just through tears said I was sorry, that I didn't mean to hurt anyone. The director was like a mother to me and now she was pinning all these things to me and I didn't know what to do. So as punishment she wanted me to apologize to the girl, I was to never be in her classroom without her being there, and that she couldn't in good faith help me with any college auditions. She finished it all off by saying that because of this all she didn't know if she could ever trust me again. It broke me, I isolated myself for the rest of the school year, she thankfully still let me be in the show that year, but I tried to not talk to many people at rehearsals if I wasn't spoken to first. I applied for other degree fields at colleges. And outside of school I rarely spoke to anyone unless it was online gaming. +I didn't perform for over year after that, I couldn't get myself to be near a stage. I eventually got the courage to audition for the theatre department at the college I attended and got in. But after a year and a half the anxiety of being around a stage and performing, and the anxiety that I would just be someone's scape goat or disappointment again led to major problems for me. I developed a severe panic attack and anxiety disorder, and my body would start literally breaking down under the stress of it all, leading at points to trips to the ER for internal bleeding. I quit performing for good after that, I haven't been on a real stage since I was 19, and I haven't performed since I was 21. I'm 23 now and I don't know what to do, I had to drop out of college because of my mental health, my father has threatened to kick me out of the house because my choice to leave school and when my mother opposed his idea, threatened to divorce her and list me as the cause.im stuck in a deadend job working 60 hours a week and I've lost all will to do anything. I don't know what to do, I've lost everything and have no one. I just wanted friends and ended up here. I have a therapist but even after sessions I just leave feeling empty. How do I keep going like this",Don't know what to do anymore,1 +864,"Like my sleeping habits have started to make my life feel worse. Usually I can’t sleep until 3am, most of the time it takes longer. I do like 1-2 all nighters a week. Whenever I do one, i start to hear this whistling. A melody. Every morning I have an alarm and I automatically turn it off while sleeping. I can’t get a hold on my sleeping habits. Melatonin doesn’t work",I’m having such a hard timw with sleeping,1 +865,"I (28F) have chronic depression but until two years ago I dealt with it more or less good. In the past couple of years I have experienced a lot of things that can be sand and other traumatic and emotionally exhausting. + +At this point of my depression or life I'm starting to get upset and mad. I just get annoyed, I have violent impulses when never in my life I have been a violent person, on the contrary I'm always super peaceful and conciliatory. But now at any inconvenience I want to break windows, I want for people to stop calling me ""resilient"", I want to punch walls and scream. + +My therapist which was great at teaching me how to deal with things in healthy manners, now seems annoying and making me feel like being upset is not ""healthy"" and it might not but at this point I'm exhausted of feeling sad or defenseless or disappointed.",Is Anger a New Level of Depression?,1 +866,there’s nothing more. i just want to die.,i literally want to drown in a barrel of acid,1 +867,"I 19(f) are slowly coming to terms with the fact that I might be suffering with depression. +I’m getting to this conclusion through having noticed the change in myself and through gentle research and sharing thoughts with a very dear and extraordinarily patient friend. + +I’m reluctant to seek professional help but I don’t think I’m sustainable like this. + +I just wanted to ask if there was anyone from the UK who could sort of tell me what would happen if I were to go to the GP and seek help. + +Thank you",What’s gonna happen?,1 +868,"For the first time after a long standing build up of intense anxiety and depression, I sought out for help, diagnosis, and medication. + +I was overwhelmed with what I got from 4 professionals, which include two great psychiatrists and 2 therapists. It is PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and Social Anxiety Disorder. Medication has helped and having the answers of a diagnosis has been very validating, but I am struggling to piece all of these together and figure out where I am supposed to go from here. Has anyone else experienced these multiple diagnosis?",Comorbidity -Multiple Diagnosis,1 +869,"M18 +I know Im just whining but idk what to do with myself +anymore, its only getting worse. The few people i thought cared about me probably dont. +I cant get myself to eat, i feel really lonely all day long and im just annoyed with myself, ive going to psychologist for around a month now but I havent really opened up to her yet bc im scared. I don't even know why im making this post. Im sorry",Idk what to do anymore,1 +870,"I am only 16. I have 4 siblings and I have just my mom, that’s all. My dad has been in and out of my life for several years and in some cases was only there in benefit of his own self. He left us when we lost our house, leaving us with nothing but our broke down minivan. Which a couple years later, he stole and stranded in Florida with every liquid in it siphoned out of it. at this point we were living in a Duplex. My mom had a tiny ford focus left because he “gave” it to her because he took our van. may i remind you that she has five kids. Now, this is only one of many things he’s done to fuck our family over. The only thing he’s ever done is benefit himself. If my own FATHER is that selfish.. how could the rest of the world not be just as selfish. how could i ever trust anybody but myself. i’m pushing everybody away and it’s all my fault. maybe i’m being selfish? idk i’m typing as i’m thinking and i really just don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t want to exist in a world where i can’t even trust my own dad.",What is the point of living.,1 +871,"My girlfriend of 7 years (since highschool) broke up with me. We both had a lot of hardships and tried so desperately to keep positive. She was stuck home, isolated due to unfortunate circumstances and for over a year we haven't really been able to see one another in person. I've been working hard to get a car and enough money just for a chance to see her. Even for a second. When things finally started to go into my favor...well she broke up with me. It was a mutual break up as she wanted to focus on herself and didn't wanna hurt me in anyway.But yet I feel like I've lost my only purpose of getting up in the morning. I respect her decision and her as a person. But it just hurts to badly.","Lost all Will to continue, but desperately trying to hold on.",1 +872,"It’s not fair in any way. I only did what I had every right too he ruined my entire life and broke it I had every right on this stupid planet to tell him to fck off and just leave me be with his manipulation and bullshit. But not he had to go around crying to people how he has such a terrible daughter and is the victim in al, of this. Destroying the entire relationship I had with my grandmother to just end up in her telling me I can’t come visit anymore. I couldn’t even tell her my side of the story I just broke down. It’s not fair that he always goes around telling shit about everyone and how he is the fcking victim letting one suffer from all that by destroying everything one build. I hate him I hate him so much. I’m happy to go infront of court and take away his rights about me. Lets see how you lie your shit out if this I’m sure the judges will decide quick when I tell them how many times he fcking hit me and caused most of my problems in my life.",It’s not fcking fair,1 +873,"I have no dreams, no goals and no plans for the future. I'm bad at my job and feel like I'm gonna get fired soon. I have no friends, no social life and no Hobby's. My room looks like shit, I look like shit and haven't done any form of self-care since a week. My hair is shit, I'm disphoric as fuck and don't even have the energy to make an appointment with my therapist. I'm just a liveless shell of what I once used to be and living is just pure torture.",My existence is meaningless,1 +874,"When I was younger I was excited to get older becasue I thought good things were coming to me, & everything has just gotten so bad I can barely even lay down to go to bed I’m hurting so much. The scary part is I’m turning 30 the end of this month & I have no job, no income, no positive outlook on life and I am terrified for the future becasue I just have 0 clue to what’s gonna happen. I think I’m just going to die soon tbh. Either that or end up on the street with a sign in my hands. My family are just absolutely terrible people, they have no brain it seems like, they put me here and want to keep me here, idk why, they’re just disgusting people, mad because they are also miserable so they made me miserable too, + +Everytime I wake up in the middle of night or in the morning the shit feeling is magnified x 100, I literally can’t help but groan & moan because I’m thinking about not just hiw much pain I’m in 24/7, but how I just can not do anything w/ my life, and it hurts after expecting yourself to be something for so long.. I’ve had high hopes for myself most years before this but it just hit me these last few years that there’s a 99% chance nothing positive is ever going to happen, and I’m not going to be shit. It’s really hard to explain how bad my life is tbh, wish I could just end it but too afraid.",Just done w/ life…,1 +875,"I have been working really hard to improve my life in every aspect these past few weeks, I eat better, sleep at least 7 hours a day, I have begun doing yoga and meditation and walking. Yet, I still find I don’t REALLY enjoy doing anything. I have always been an art person that likes to draw but I haven’t finished a drawing for so long let alone barley touched my art supplies and drawing apps. I no longer enjoy video games. Competitive games make me feel like garbage…. Even if I am to finish a drawing or win a game I feel nothing and I feel miserable along the way and even worse if i lose. + +I am sure people can relate but how do you cope with this?",How to cope with feeling sad and irritable when losing and numb when winning?,1 +876,"I’ve had diagnosed major depressive disorder and social anxiety disorder for about 2 months. Note how I said diagnosed, since I believe I’ve had it undiagnosed for a lot longer. My school work stresses me out, but I still have mostly good grades. I’ve been pushed and shoved by other kids at school, and called a ‘white supremacist’ when someone in the hallway saw me listening to the confederate version of the civil war song ‘The Battle Cry of Freedom’. My mom and brother fight all the time and I never hear the end of it. At school it’s hell, at home it’s chaos. I’ve resorted to banging my head on walls and tables to the point of getting dizzy. All of the advice and ‘coping strategies’ don’t work, the antidepressant medication I was prescribed doesn’t work. I am in tears while writing this, and am on the verge of a mental breakdown.",I’m 13 and I want to hurt myself,1 +877,"Major Trigger Warning, I’m not sure how to add a picture that says that + +But I self harmed again and the cuts alot longer, maybe slightly deeper than last week and this was a week after my 16th birthday + +I was so mad and angry at everything I broke the knife doing so and now I’m having alot of regret + +Im left with a broken knife, and deep ugly marks on my arm and I’m going to get made fun of for it, I don’t want to be here anymore and I’m stuck on where to run next",I’ve lost it again and I don’t know where the next step is,1 +878,"33 this october. No friends, no love interests. And now no job. I have plenty of money saved up until i get new work..but I have no motivation. Most days i’m content to stay in my room and get lost in a book, or a game, a comic, a movie or show. Anything besides having to deal with the real world and all its bullshit and disappointments. + + I’m socially awkward and riddled with anxiety. Constantly playing out scenarios in my head that make me feel paranoid or that nobody likes me. Sometimes i get tired of myself, my thoughts, my voice. Other times i wish i had never been born at all. I feel like the world is just too much, that i feel everything so deeply or not at all. Doesnt help that i’m on the most soul-sucking medication there is. The only peace i can think of is to not exist. But i wont do that. Wouldnt want to hurt my family. The world is unfair and cruel. Everyone is obsessed with themselves, or fame, or money. The miracle of life and we turn it into this. Constant work. Deeply saddened to see my parents still working, probably never able to retire bc of this stupid, corrupt system called capitalism. If i had the power to wipe it all away i would. + +I dunno, i just wanted to get some of this out of my head. Not looking for advice. Feel free to add to the list of bs this life throws at us.",I’m a loser.,1 +879,"People who weren't born without any mental disorders/illness don't realize how lucky they are. I would do anything to eradicate myself of this stupid disorder I have. I hate it so much. I'm jealous of my brother because he's normal and I'm not. + +I'm way more sensitive than the average person. I can't focus for shit. This life is just too fucking hard for someone like me. I wish my mom aborted me.",I wish I was born normal.,1 +880,"I'm not really sure the point of making this post since I'm sure it won't help, but lately I feel like I'm backed into a wall and life is just rapid firing problems at me with no time to try and solve one. + +I recently lost a job I actually liked because my mental issues got too much for me and now I have a job I literally hate and it even pays me less. + +My bills are piling up and my bank account is at about a dollar and that's including savings. It feels like nobody cares that I'm struggling and I'm sure by the end of the week I won't even have a phone to use for applying to other places and even if I do how will they call me for interviews? + +Honestly if it wasn't for my grandparents I would just kill myself because I'm just sick of life and people, I'm just happy that they aren't aware of my problems because I don't want to stress them out.",Backed into a wall and surrounded,1 +881,"I’m sick to my stomach from it being so empty, but I just have no motivation to go make anything to eat.",I’m hungry. 😢,1 +882,"I experienced something like this when I had psychosis in teenage. I dont clearly remember those few years, because my mind was clouded. Then I got never ending depression. + +I'm 25 now and feeling this again. Like im on autopilot without thinking, like my brain is underwater. I don't like it and afraid that I will get another awful psychosis. I think I should visit a doctor, but I'm indifferent to everything. Secretly I hope that my mind will melt and I will disappear from reality. But probably I will just end up suffering like in the past. + +I wish I could just accidentally die right here right now. Deep inside I believe in that sudden death, so I do nothing with my life, keep living like a worm. Even of I know that miracle won't happen, I can't reject it.",My brain is melting,1 +883,"Guys I’m not recommending this, but I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this.",Why does barely any sleep or no sleep at all make me feel so happy?!,1 +884,"like i dont hear it enough in my fucking head. i spent so many fucking years beating myself up and hearing it from my parents that i dont fucking try. i used to be fucking paralysed for years, at uni it built up so much that i fucked up my degree. i couldnt face looking after myself, ive tried meds even, nothing fucking works. i cant find any motivation to be a better person in the long run. something is so inherently wrong with me and i cant get help bc the healthcare systems FUCKED and im POOR! ive tried every shitty thing that even gave me a hint that it could fix me. ive come to terms with my mental illness' and im working on myself gradually but its fucking HARD especially with no fucking guidance! its not even like my boyfriend is a stranger to mental illness, that mans not well either! hes also been with me for 7 years. it makes me think like maybe im not trying. but i know i am. my suicidal ideation has been bad lately, i spare him these thoughts as i know they're upsetting. so i did some chores today, and i went back to bed bc i felt like everything was too much for me, he said i give up too easily. fuck off.",my bf said i dont try to make it better for myself,1 +885,"My boyfriend has been struggling with depression for years. He was on medication in high school but ended up dropping it once moving to uni. His mental health is directly affecting his grades and classes, and the worse he does the worse he feels. He won't see a therapist because he finds them insulting and he /sometimes/ wants to get back on medication, but he doesn't know where to start and ends up running out of energy/motivation. How can I help him? He's sweet and gentle and so so smart, it hurts seeing him like this. I worry so much for him (I have a moderate-severe anxiety disorder) and I just want to make it easier for him. I love him so much.",My [F22] boyfriend [M21] has been struggling with his mental health for years - how can I help him?,1 +886,"every minor inconvenience makes me want to hurt myself, idk how to stop it",how do i fight the urge to hurt myself,1 +887,I don’t like being sick but I like getting sick because it gives me a reason to Lie in bed all day and not be criticized from it and not seem lazy,I like getting sick,1 +888,"So you know how whenever someone is depressed or feeling out of hope in life, people say stuff like, oh don’t worry it gets better, nothing lasts forever…. Well I’ve been depressed for a while now and some of the causes of my depression don’t seem to have a solution. It even looks like it most likely will get worse with time. How would you advice me with this situation or help me be more optimistic about my life??",News some wisdom,1 +889,"So I'm having an off-day where I just feel empty and not feel like anything. Wanting to at least attempt to get out of it, I tried journaling about my self-attacking thoughts and it turned out to be .. a lot of them. I currently suffer a lot from anxiety attacks due to a very low self-esteem & my financial situation (I'm living paycheck to paycheck without savings) and honestly I just feel down all the time. + +I've talked to professionals in the past. However, it lead to nothing because of my own stupid stubbornness. I'm too hard to work with & fix since I just believe I can't change, even though that's bullshit. I can't even start or finish anything, which makes this so hard to go through to fix myself. Honestly, I'm scared to death that I will always feel this way for the rest of my life. + +Here're my dark thoughts that I wrote down in just a few minutes. They're a lot. + +I'm not even sure why I post this. But I just felt like it, I suppose. + +&#x200B; + +* I’m insecure +* I’m unable to make decisions +* I feel depressed +* I feel uninspired +* I’m not productive +* I’m not a good boyfriend +* My financial situation is +* I’m a habitual liar +* I’m addicted to gaming +* I find life uninteresting +* I’m not the person I want to be +* I am unreliable +* I get sick easily +* I feel like I’m unfixable +* I feel like I’m a sociopath +* I feel like I won’t ever be my own friend +* I’m scared I will always feel this way +* I don’t love or even like myself +* I get angry quickly +* I can’t handle my emotions well +* I’m not a fun person to be around +* I don’t feel like I’m a person +* I don’t feel like I’m learning anything +* I’m scared I will lose my girlfriend +* I’m scared I will think about suicide if things don’t get better +* I am not a responsible person +* I don’t have passion for anything +* I don’t feel like I got a (good) sense of humor +* I never have anything substantial to say +* I don’t have the ability to tell a good story +* I’m not an attractive person +* I have a really thin and ugly body +* I don’t think I’m intelligent +* I’m anxious all the time +* I have very bad social anxiety +* I have a very bad work ethic +* I don’t like the way I dress myself +* I feel like I won’t go anywhere in life +* I am scared I won’t have a sustainable business when we travel +* I’m not a confident person +* I don’t have the attention span to read for a long period of time +* I don’t feel like I have any integrity +* I don’t feel like a professional would solve any of these problems because I won’t listen or take it to heart; I just don’t care +* I have no charisma +* I’m a people pleaser because I feel unconfident if people won’t like me +* I don’t have a great personality +* I run away when things get hard +* I have no ambitions +* I’m chronically tired +* I’m lazy and don’t get anything done +* I give up quickly once things get too hard +* I keep dwelling on the past +* I can’t forgive myself +* I have trouble getting out of my comfort zone +* I never put effort in anything + +Ugh.",I created a list of things wrong with me.. and it's frikkin' long.,1 +890,"I can't do it anymore, I will commit sui*ide tomorrow. +I can't feel any emotions, everyone slowly abandoned me, I have no purpose in life, I can't find one reason to continue to suffer here. I wish I never existed",It's over I'm committing tomorrow,1 +891,"Tw: (thoughts of) self harm, drug abuse, suicidal thoughts +(m/22, if you care) + + +First things first, I really need to vent right now and dont know if anyone is even gonna read that but I just need to get this out of my head. +And sorry, if my english isn't good... + +So, I've been battling depression for over a decade, I've mostly gotten better after years of therapy and carefully choosing the people around me so I've been pretty stable for a few years with less and less backlashes. + +Today marks the first day after about 3 years where I'm getting extremely intense thoughts about self harming, drug abuse and even suicidal thoughts. + +I've already been in a pretty bad mood today, overthinking a lot and shit like that and I had to go to social event I didn't really wanna take part in but usually it turns out better than expected. It wasn't like that today. I've felt even worse and useless (despite my friends trying to cheer me up) and realized that I'm not good at anything. I tried to drink those thoughts away with some cocktails (which usually works wonders for me in social events) but that just made it worse. +Since I got home I've just been sitting on my bed and staring at the wall, my thoughts going through a downward spiral. I drank some more and feel better and worse at the same time. I've even got to the point that I noticed another issue I haven't even realized before but makes so much sense comparing it to the events in my life. Then I thought of numbing my pain with a method I used years ago, forced myself not to because the scars have almost faded out. Then I thought about what drugs I could use to distract my mind, even started to research before I stopped myself and decided to rant here. +I'm very aware of my thoughts which makes me instantly feel regretful and even more like a shitty person. + +I just want to cry and try to vent through that but that's something I still can't do. Love society for teaching boys that they aren't allowed to cry. + +Anyways, I hope I can force myself to focus on something else now that I've written this shit down. My mind does feel a bit clearer now without taking some extreme steps. + +Also to everyone reading this: I hope you have a great day tomorrow. And maybe we can all fight our inner demons some day and live a better life. Just trying to survive one day at a time.",Battling with intrusive thoughts,1 +892,because now I’m angry that I’m sad,just started punching holes in the wall,1 +893,"It creeps up on me more and more every day. I can’t sleep very well and I can’t eat much anymore. I shake constantly. I’m unable to sit still, I’m unable to rest, I get maybe 4 hours of sleep maximum. I don’t even cry anymore. I am just blank. I keep losing more and more weight cause I find it hard to eat or enjoy food. I keep cleaning myself and my belongings constantly to keep me occupied. I really can’t do this anymore, I do know how much longer I have a will to live.",I’m not sure how much longer I can go,1 +894,"why is it so hard to not talk to somebody that I'm depressing. there nothing they can do, depression like a cancer that crawl and take over my body.",why?,1 +895,That’s it.,I just don’t know anymore. I can’t anymore. I’m tired…,1 +896,"Real life examples of greedy people, racists, bullies, narcissists, etc..",Why is it that people seem to make life more difficult than it has to be?,1 +897,"I decided . I will live life the way I want , try new thing , welcome only good hearted people into my life . If it didn't work out , I can kill myself anyway. My body , my choice !",Just a thought,1 +898,"My eyes begin to swell up with tears even before I begin to write. +I am a 22 year old girl struggling to find hope. I wish I could extract everything in my brain and export it onto this Reddit post instead of having to type out and remind myself of why I feel like this but I’m hoping I’ll only have to do this once. +You know, I try really fucking hard. I practice gratitude whenever I can. Everyday I wake up and I journal. I tell myself I’m grateful I am healthy, that I have both my legs and both my arms attached, that I have a roof over my head, that I have 20/20 vision, that I have a heart that beats.. and so on. You get the point. I try and I romanticize my life. I try and enjoy my morning coffee extra hard, I try and be present, I try to enjoy the mundane things about life just as much as the big extravagant things. +But the truth is, My first distinctive memory is disassociating for the first time when I was 5 years old. I remember zoning out because of the fights that would go on at home. I remember being depressed before the word depressed was ever even introduced to me. I felt like a zombie as a child, I felt like i was always outside of my body looking in. I felt different. Like my soul was not meant to be here. I lived my life very alone, I never had anybody and I filled the voids through whatever caught my attention. In the end we all day. Why are we here? What’s our purpose? In the grand scheme of things nothing matters. Really, nothing matters. The world would be okay without me.What’s funny is to others I am a bubbly sweet kind happy girl. People would be shocked to see this side of me. I’ve tried. I hope that is evident. I just think the more you know about life, the more you’ve been through, the more you realize how meaningless all this is.. is what makes you detach and unhappy.",I’m starting to believe you need to be ignorant to be happy,1 +899,Been fighting for 8 years. I’m fucking tired of getting treatment that does jack shit. Fucking tired of being a 200lb burden to my parents. I’m just fucking sick of trying to get help only for it to lead to me getting worse. I just wanna put a 12 gauge slug into my heart. I’m fucking tired of being so goddamn paranoid all the time about if the people closest to me r joking. I’m fucking tired of my deppression being a reason that romantic relationships end. I’m fucking hate not remembering what I was like before this shit got me. I’m fucking tired of being alive I’m just gonna end it all tonight everything I’ve tried had ended in me getting worse and I’ve tried everything,Just wanna go to bed and not wake up,1 +900,"This is going to sound so self indulgent because I really have managed to make a great life for myself in so many respects. Im a man in my late 30s and I have already seen and done things that very few people on Earth ever have. I have a great career making six figures. Own my own house/property. I have a great relationship with all of my family. I have cultivated so many friends over the years. I’m a rock in many peoples lives. I’m the guy people can count on to help them out with anything they need. I love people and helping people. + +I was an idiot in my 20s chasing the one that got away in a toxic on again off again relationship and when I finally thought it was all going to work out I got cheated on by her with a guy twice our age. Years later she wrote me a letter apologizing for it all. I fell into depression and let myself go after this. I came out of it and managed to find purpose in my work and hobbies. I lost 100 lbs to get in shape. And… nothing. For whatever reason I can’t find love. I’ve literally traveled to every continent on Earth, made a lot of money, taken care of my physical appearance and for whatever reason I still can’t find anyone who loves me which makes it all feel so hollow. I don’t feel like anyone owes me love, I’m just sad and depressed that halfway through my life I can’t say that I’ve ever truly received it despite trying pretty hard to find it for a long time. + +Recently I started seeing a girl who I thought had the potential to be the one for months and now she has had some freak personal trauma unrelated to me but that is causing her to push me away and now I’m just sitting here in my empty house again. I wanted to have a family and every day it feels like it’s more likely it will never happen. I am not suicidal in any way but it definitely feels like dying on the vine inside each day that passes.",Lucky in everything but love. Makes it all feel so hollow.,1 +901,God I feel so helpless and defeated. I don’t feel like living this week. Birthday was spent alone and awful. Friends ghosted me for no reason. The woman I’ve seen for years has no kind of empathy for me. My job uses me and doesn’t respect me. I have nothing going for myself. Nobody cares about me.,It’s been such a bad week I just wanna cry,1 +902,"im currently in therapy and we’re talking about being more social with friends as well as setting boundaries. my therapist is aware of a friend group i have, about my only close friend group, of 3 guys (im a girl). boys like to roast and they like to be really, really mean. i often question why i’m still friends with them at this point because i can’t talk to them about personal issues, we no longer all have the same interests, i have a career and they don’t so having money/not having money affects us actually doing things such as traveling (which i always want to do, but scared to do alone and they’re my only options)… but really when i think about it i just don’t enjoy their friendship. there’s one “friend” in particular who always brings up my ex even though i’ve asked numerous times to not update me on what he’s doing. i’m currently trying to recover from that emotionally & mentally abusive, toxic relationship. matter of fact, he’s the reason why i spiraled a few weeks ago because he brought up something about without even warning me. +circling back to the roasting, they will so easily bring up this trauma as a “roast” and something to laugh at, invalidate my mental illness, and make fun of me for attending therapy because i’m “wasting money for someone to tell me i’m normal”. i fucking hate that i can’t seem to let go of their friendship despite how awful i feel about all of them, but i feel like without them i don’t have anyone to do things with or talk to all the time. idk what to do. it’s either be alone and have them in case or just be alone period and obviously that will just continue this cycle of loneliness and dark depression. wtf do i do. ☹️",i’m so alone.,1 +903,"Long story short, went through his phone to turn alarms off, checked up on him because I finally gave a ultimatum. Drugs vs me, guess the drugs&the drug dealers are more important....mental gymnastics later I feel bad +after a fight and bam! Again I'm caving in, me looking or getting upset is ""why he doesn't tell me or why he lies"" blah, blah,blah. +Him starting a argument copying my breathing technique to calm myself down only made me realize how much I'm starting to resent him, my depression has increased again because BINGO I can't trust this man I adore to stay on the straight and narrow... +Been trying to power through today but FUCK, I want to smash something, leave, run away, say fuck everyone and take off... +I'm not going too through, im going to sit and be fucking useless. Why the fuck does he want a relationship? And why tf can't I let go of this asshole...so new plan, take care of myself and he can fuck off for awhile. He can go do whatever he wants and so will I, im tired of being depressed, if I don't change I'll k.o myself eventually. I love my children and him more than I hate myself to do that to them. +So I guess it's time to start learning how to live for myself for once.",Guess I'm the bad guy,1 +904,"so it all starts with me meetings this girl online trough another friend,i tought she was sweet and she was for a time but she was abit sad and wanted to unalive herself this may not be the platforlm to do it but fuck it i have nothing else to lose so i tried to kill myself and well it was a dumb move i tried seeking help at friends since we saw her online on roblox and well we were infuriated does anyone have advice because im stuck here.She isnt responding to my texts or nothing",my girfriend faked their death,1 +905,My doctor said that in bipolar patients they sometimes have much faster reaction times to new medicine. Does anyone have any literature explaining this?,Faster medicine response in bipolar?,1 +906,I dont want to live anymore. Im such a piece of shit i cant stand myself. Im ugly. Im short. My lonliness is killing me. I just don't want to be alive anymore.,Im just dying inside and want to die for real too,1 +907,"Lord help me. +I need your guidance for what to do with my life. +I need someone to talk to. My life is a disappointment. + +I want to give back to my parents, what I am now is because of them. It hurts me seeing them getting old as time goes by. + + I haven't achieved anything in life. My thoughts are drowning me. Always too tired even without doing anything. Tired of life, only sleep is my therapy. + +My partner has her own problems, she's too busy with everything. My closest friends have left me. I dont want my parents to worry. My brother has his own family. I don't have anyone to confide to. Life is draining me to my core. + +Never felt so alone in my life. People are around me everyday but no one seems to care. I've been pretending to be okay for the longest time. I'm no longer my previous self, the confident one, the know it all, the positive guy. I have no ambition, no expectations, all I care now is how to finish the day. This has been my lowest state, my whole body is aching, my soul is hurting, my brain decided to stopped working. + +I miss myself. I miss being happy. I miss being at the moment. I miss celebrating life. I miss being intimate with someone. I miss competing. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss waking up excited. I miss caring. I miss eating with people. I miss being motivated. I miss having a purpose. I miss having a goal. + +This is me now. Look how pathetic am I.",1am thoughts,1 +908,"Some weeks are fine and the next week I cant go to school and hate the system for not just letting me life somewhere in the middle of nowhere on my own with a bunch of cats. I don’t ask for more. I like working but it‘s too much. I dont have the energy. It was good one week and now i‘m a sunked ship again. I dont want those ups and downs and I dont want them to influence my life.. if I could life somewhere far away only responsible for myself, I would be less of an idiot.",I feel not good about the future ever.,1 +909,I’m curious as to what others think,Would you call depression that started showing signs as early as in your childhood chronic?,1 +910,"I'm miserable because I'm alone. I'm alone because I'm miserable. Whats the chicken and what's the egg? I dont want to be in a relationship ever again. I wish I'd never have to see another woman as long as I live. Yet I'm jealous of others because I'm invisible to them. It's completely illogical. + +I hate my shitty defective brain.",Bitching as usual.,1 +911,"This has probably talked about so many times on here but I don’t know where else to turn to about this. I so deeply wish I was terminally ill or had cancer. I want a time limit on my life as I’ve just given up, I’m not healing and I’m not declining, I don’t want to kill my self but I’m not exactly happy and thriving either. If I had a time limit I can at least try and enjoy before I have to go, and I don’t have to let people down by killing myself. If I had the option I would rot in my bed but I keep pushing, maybe one day things will get better, I’m not even a quarter way through my life, I don’t want people upset or disappointed in me either. But each second I feel my body just weighs more and more to the point I can’t even lift my arms, and not in the physical sense but life is just a struggle now and being I’ll would be a great reason, a great excuse. If I had cancer I wouldn’t even do chemo, I would just accept my fate. I just want this to be over and done with, I’d be less afraid too. I’m horrified of death, losing my conscious and it being able to happen at any moment, but if I knew I’d have a timer, things would seem much more easier.",I wish to be Ill,1 +912,"This time of year is rough for me because it's an anniversary of a near suicide attempt 8 years ago. I'm recently married and I've been having the worst time with this because I feel that I can't have these feelings. I have obligations to other people now - my husband. We are trying to start a family and if I show signs of depression, what kind of confidence does that give him for me as a mother? He knows that I'm having a hard time right now and he is just trying to go on like everything is fine. What can he do? I'm fine and I have been for several years without the aid of medication (but I have continued therapy. I don't see him again for over a week though). Before, when I would get depressed, I was able to keep to myself and process it on my own. But now, I can't do that because of my new life. I don't know how to let this pass if I can't let it run it's course.",How do I deal with having depressive episodes and not letting it affect my husband?,1 +913,MAYBE ITS A MIXED EPISODE😏 WE’LL NEVER KNOW 🤯🤯🤯,IS MY DEPRESSIVE EPISODE OVER❓ IS IT MANIA❓ OR IS IT A SECRET THIRD THING⁉️⁉️⁉️,1 +914,"I can't think of a single scenario in which I would have a happy life, I feel like my destiny was set at birth through a series of unlucky factors. I had a difficult childhood cause I suffer from OCD and visited a specialist every week until I was 11 (now I'm pretty good with this). Also I was born both extremely ugly and boring so I will never find someone who loves me ( and trust me I've been searching for long and Im tired of suffering cause nobody likes me). I'm also extremely anxious and it's a torture for me to even walk into a shop and having to talk with the cashier. And lastly even though I'm truly good at school I'm sure that I'll never get a job, cause I dont like doing anything and Im angry to myself for studying so much instead of trying to enjoy what should have been the best years of my life (and which were a nightmare instead) and thus I won't even go to uni. I cant see how things can go well, Im just waiting to die at this point, I go to bed each night praying of not waking up in the morning.",My life will be horrible in any case so why should I live?,1 +915,"I find my self often being the one who is there for others. Yet at the end of the day no one is there for me. It hurts deeply knowing that everything I do won’t be reciprocated. + +I just wish someone could be there for me as I am so often there for them.",I so often wish someone would care,1 +916,"Being Lonely is not a shame, it is a period and it will pass, but the shame is that you stay Lonely all your life and do not get out of this hell",Being Lonely isn't a Shame,1 +917,"I’m 16, I’ve never had any friends. I feel completely unsatisfied with my existence, but most important - I don’t see good future for myself. Recently, my family moved to another country because of war and now I understand that I have no chances to fulfil my dreams. I have no idea what do I want to do and whom do I wanna become in this life. All my free time I spend listening to music, this and the fact that my family is in a safe place now are the only things that gives me power to move forward. But still, I’m jealous to everyone who always hangs out with their mates. I feel like I am no one, I am nobody, I am weakness itself. What should I do to become someone, I am tired of understanding the fact that I am who I am, that I am nobody",I am nobody. I see no future for myself,1 +918,"I've done a lot of horrible things to people in my past. I'm a pathological liar that has constantly manipulated people to make sure either myself or the other person didn't get hurt (at least in the moment). I've used people and thrown them out like trash after I was done. I've dealt with ADHD, anxiety, and depression for over a decade now. + +My ex and I broke up almost 7 years ago. It was a horribly messy and terrible break up that caused me to be suicidal (we both made mistakes). There was never any closure and it always felt like it should have ended differently. It often felt like she felt the same as well...at least back then (think she might resent me now). + +Been having some real down moments lately and I've been thinking about my ex a lot. I'm still attached to those days and emotionally often feel stuck there. There's still a giant piece of me that belongs to her. + +I've been in a fairly healthy relationship for the past 5 years but I have quite a few things I lied about in the early parts of our relationship. I feel like it's so unfair to her. It's not fair that I'm with her and emotionally stuck with my past or that I've lied to her. It's not fair that the thing I desperately want to talk about is my ex so I avoid that trauma with her. + +Any advice or thoughts?",Need advice,1 +919,I look wrong and act wrong and think wrong. I’m not useful or interesting. I’m not a full person like others. I don’t get them and they think I’m pathetic. There’s nowhere for me to be.,Everything is wrong about me,1 +920,"Wondering if anyone here has been hospitalized for depression or suicidal thoughts ? + +What happened ? Did it help or make no difference for you ?",Been Hospitalized ?,1 +921,"I will start of by saying that I may or may not be suffering from depression. Ever since I turned 21 I started feeling jelous towards my peers: profesionally, academically, relationship wise. I am 27 now and things haven't really improved. + +Everytime I try to share these emotions with someone, namely my mother she just brushed them off and made no big deal out of them. Telling me to just ""man up"" basically. When I shared them with friends they either said nothing or told me to get over it.. as such I bottle these feelings because it seems to be a nuisance to other people. Fucking assholes. + +I feel envy profesionally because I do not work in the places I wish to work and for positions I want to work at. I am underpaid, working a job I have grown out of for years. + +Relationship wise, I barely have any friends anymore after college. No partners due to me not taking the initiative to do so. Not due to lack of confidence but due to constant daydreaming and fantasizing about being in a relationship instead of actually pursuing it. + +I do not feel like an independent person, up till recently I was living with my parents and just now am learning to live on my own. I wanted this to be sooner but due to my own lack of initiative and financial struggles I was not able to. + +I have been addicted to pornography and videogames ever since I was a teen. Just now I am trying to fix these issues. But its hard man... really hard after 15 years of constant use. Makes me feel disgusting. Full of hatred. But at any inconvinience or struggle, I immediately resort to these two things. + +Lately I have been suffering from mood swings from manic anger and anxiety to relative peace serenity and reflection. Within the same hour even. I have also seemed to garner small panic attacks at the most ridiculous and inconsequential things that happen to me. + +I talk to myself. Alot. Alot alot over the years. For about a couple years now this self talk has turnt more negative over time. Insulting my own capability and intelligence at any mistake. + +There have also been times...in which I contemplated suicide... but not seriously. Just the idea of ending it all has crossed my mind. + +I dont really know why I wrote this. I guess I also have been feeling lonely.","I am filled with envy, pride and resentment.",1 +922,"I’m 24, unemployed, 2 years of cleaning experience, no drivers licence, I don’t do drugs, alcohol, vaping, smoking, nothing. If I’m being totally honest, I’m coming off being addicted to porn, and also quitting caffeine (coca cola every day) has helped tremendously, but my point is, is that I have no friends, I feel like I’m underachieving and honestly, the Redpill stuff is a bit much for me nowadays, I’m slowly fading into the blackpill ideology and I have these big hopes and dreams of being a self taught software developer, moving out of Australia etc. but I live with my mum and she wants me to get any job I can but it’s a bit hard with little to no experience. Any advice would be much appreciated, I know I can do more but I’m just simply unmotivated at this moment in my life.",24 and underachieving…,1 +923,i don’t want to do anything i don’t want to feel anything but i know i have to i just want the world to stop,i feel exhausted,1 +924,"I've been getting therapy for a few months, have been on 3 different antidepressants that haven't worked so far, and I'm still getting worse. I'm doing everything that should help and nothing's happening. What am I even supposed to do at this point? I'm losing hope rapidly and don't see any way out.",Nothing's working,1 +925,"I‘m crying and crying and crying. I can’t bear this pain any longer. But it’s all my fault. + +Why do I keep ruining things. Why do I ruin everything.",Why do I ruin everything?,1 +926,"I try to care about people, but I really don’t and I don’t understand why I can’t. Like, I’ve never actually felt bad for anyone but obviously I still act like I do and I realized that most people usually care. Like if they were gone, I wouldn’t care, and if they got injured or anything, I’d just shrug it off instead of worrying. When something happens to me, most people show sympathy and it just makes me think if they’re being genuine. Maybe it’s because I’m not good with emotions? Or..idk I’m emotionally unavailable? Does thinking this way make me a bad person? +Also most of the time when I’m in a convo as a group I don’t really feel any emotional connection or it just feels empty and everything I do is just an act. Anyone else feel this way?",I don’t know if people normally feel this way,1 +927,"Yo i need help from yall urgently . My gf is an awesome person but she is really sad and depressed because of her horrible past and her experiences. Im trying to help her when she is sad , sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt . This time 2 of her friends have commited suicide , i have no idea if they were close related to her but she tried her best to help them. After her friends have passed away she kept telling herself thats ""its her fault"" or that ""I could do it better"". She says that she cant handle anything and she wants to end it all , Im still always near her and I try my best to dont make her feel like this. Please anyone help us , I dont want my girlfriend to be sad and go through these horrible things anymore , every good solution on my girlfriends sadness and depression is wellcome.",My girlfriend is suffering from depression but when 2 of her friends died she became suicidal,1 +928,"hello, as the title says: does anyone here has any game recommandations for depressive episodes. + +mine usally last like 3, 4 days and i just want to avoid doing any destructive thing.",any good games for time wasting during depressive episodes?,1 +929,"She kinda goes thru a hard time and how her parents don’t let her do things and they don’t trust her enough and she just wants to leave them atp and I can’t even help her properly bc I can never understand how much she actually goes through +I just wanna make her feel better, even tho her parents make her feel like that",How do I help my bsf that’s going thru things bc of family problems,1 +930,"You finally got your dream job then layoffs come. Fall in love then get divorced. Always back to square 1. I no longer see anything but chaos and naive ideals around failed ideas that aren't sustainable or realistic. Is anyone else tired of playing rigged losing games all the time? That's what it feels like. Anything good is coincidental, fleeting, and temporary. Suffering is a lifetime and consistent.",You gave your all only for it fail. Why bother?,1 +931,"So I’ve been battling with both anxiety and depression for the last seven years and last six months, I felt good better than I have in a long long time. But I don’t know what’s going on, but I suddenly feel like nothing is worth it anymore. + +I’ve been ignoring everything assignments tests just staying in my room and laying in bed. I even skipped my classes today. + +I don’t know if this matters or something, but my closest friend is basically going through a mental breakdown and it just reminds me of myself and the situation I was in a couple of years ago. + +And she’s the only person currently that I could talk to because the people I trusted before we’ve kind of lost touch, and I don’t know how to talk to her without making things worse for her. + +I wish there is someone I could talk to, but at the same time I have really really bad trust issues and I don’t open up to people. +The last person apart from my friends that I let in broke my heart, so people are not really my favourite right now. + +I just need something, I don’t know what but I just want to feel better. I was doing so well and I hate feeling so empty. I hate feeling like I don’t care because I care. Just can’t get myself to do anything about it. +I don’t know what to do I just want this to go away. + +I haven’t felt like this in a year. Even then I didn’t feel this bad. +I can’t seem to figure out why I’m just so unaffected by anything rn. +I don’t know what triggered me. + +I’ve cried all morning and honestly I hate being vulnerable I just don’t want to feel this awful anymore.",Things were going great until a few days ago,1 +932,"I have had depressive tendencies since an early teen and I’ve gone to see a Pyscologist since I was having problems at home and school. They diagnosed me with oppositional defiance disorder. Whatever. Later down my life I am getting myself more situated and doing well in college but I still feel depressed. Go see a Pyscologist while in school, I test very high on the beck depression test. Therapist says I should ask a doctor for medicine. I asked a doctor and they said they don’t want me on medicine because I can get addicted. Drop the therapist bc talking does nothing as I’ve learned over the years this is just how I normally feel. + +Cut to now and I’m still depressed but have no motivation to go see someone bc it feels like it’s a waste of time and money. Don’t even know where to go to find a psychiatrist",I’ve gone to multiple psychologists and it feels like a sham.,1 +933,"M 34..It's been almost 4 months, avoiding human contact as much as possible, and lack of willing to do something, not even cleaning my room, or looking for a job, but to my family I say I'm OK (I leave alone far from them)... I know what I have to do to be back on my feets, but no desire or strength. I don't want to end my life because I know how it will make my family feel. Just leaving in vegetate state in bed looking at videos until I fall asleep, and saying to myself ""tomorrow I will do what needs to be done to get back on my feet"" next day same, unwilling to do something. Nothing, empty, everything is pointless.",How are you guys have the will?,1 +934,"I've been taking antidepressant for about 5 years, but my depression is getting worse and worse. +My doctor is an eminent one, and I rarely get stressed by external factors these days because I'm usually at home. +People say that they got better after taking medicine, but why can't I get over my depression?",Question,1 +935,"I had an ex who recorded us having intimacy without me knowing. +They just randomly popped their phone out and acted like they were texting but I felt off and wanted to see. They didn’t want to show me what they had till they noticed I was upset. +It was a video of me and them doing that…. I insisted they deleted the video which they did as well from “recent deleted” I then asked him to show me his Google photos to see if it was backed up there but they didn’t use it and did not know what it was. + +Once we broke up I told them that anything they have of me like this to delete it and they immediately called me to ask why I mentioned that and I said I just don’t feel comfortable and asked them if they happen to have anything. He said no but he is just so twisted I feel like there could be a possibility that they still have. +They said that if I thought by telling them to delete they were really going to and that they didn’t have anything because last time he tried I told him to delete it. (Watched him too!) + +It’s been a few months since we broke up and I still think of it and panic get really depressed about it.",Just wondering,1 +936,"I am 14yr old and I have been into depression more than a year . And today I had a thought of killing myself . My friends are upset because of me , my parents are disappointed becuz of me . I am monster .",I hate this life,1 +937,"The last 8 months have seen me hit with a widowmaker heart attack, getting dumped in the hospital (from the aforementioned heart attack), the financial hardship of hundreds of dollars a month on medication and appointments, 2 bouts of heart failure, a few rounds of hemorrhage from the blood thinners, a hyphema (bleed in my eye) and a whole host of other complications. I am barely able to make rent and utilities, and today I find out that I have been furloughed from my part-time adjunct teaching job, in looking for a replacement found my full-time teaching job posted on indeed too... Im 42, with a shorter shelf life than canned food and I am convinced I will be homeless by Aug. I really wonder if it's worth taking the meds anymore.",Life is falling apart and some am I,1 +938,"I have family but they dont understand my depression nor anything else since they grew up dealing with different things. My only sibling is not close to me, I guess he has enough friends and idk. He is very social and popular unlike me, i dont aspire to be him this is just why he never talks to me. +The only friend I have, she is a nice human being dont get me wrong, but she as well does not understand my depression. + +I dont want them to heal me we dont even need to talk about the depression I just want someone who gets me. + +I heard someone from class talk to his father on the phone once and they were talking about his studies. But really, he was telling his father what topic we had and how the teacher formulated mean questions in the exam and that he was confused so he would probs not get a high grade but he hoped to pass. His dad replied to not worry much just hope for the best and the dad is also working in the field we study. They understood each other +Everything about that convo was beautiful + +And I wish I had that",I literally have no one,1 +939,"I'm 6'0 tall (1,83 m) and 300 Pounds (136 kg). Therefore I am eligible for a gastric bypass procedure. The things is though, will a drastic weight loss improve my self esteem? + +Is there anybody in this group that had a gastric bypass and how do you feel?",Will gastric bypass improve my self esteem?,1 +940,"Hello, + +I am male and twenty years old and actually I have a great life: I have great parents and a brother, I was successful in sports until my injury and I finished school very successfully a few years ago. In the meantime I have also almost finished the first part of my studies and I am successful there as well. In addition, I have a great - albeit small but fine - group of friends. + +Somehow I have been feeling weak and tired for some time now and can't really motivate myself to do anything. I think a lot, especially about the past. + +My school days were difficult at the beginning because I was bullied. I am almost highly gifted and always had difficulties to get into a really casual conversation with other people. Also, I had different interests than kids my age. After I changed schools, the situation was immediately better and I had made real friends for the first time and also developed self-worth. I just went through with school and left all the dating stuff alone, following the motto ""Will come around then, I have time"". + +At the same time, it was always difficult in my family, too. My depressed and schizophrenic grandmother hates my parents, even though she lives next door to them. The whole thing goes so far that she says things like she would rather be dead than live next to people like my parents. + +Because I moved out to study, I was able to escape this somewhat, but it still depresses me because I am her only confidant. + +Some time ago I tried dating and was only disappointed and hurt. I had not thought that rejection offends me so much. However, I have always been able to pick myself up again after recovery periods and continue. Then, about two and a half months ago, I met a girl - completely unexpectedly and unfortunately online - who completely enchanted me. And vice versa as well. She doesn't live quite nearby, but I have no problem with having to drive and it's not so far that we can't see each other every weekend. We then had together after a few meetings also our respective first kisses and now just look where the journey goes.... + +This feeling that I can actually be attractive and appealing is indescribable to me. And I have noticed how much I have always missed physical closeness the last few years, although I NEVER wanted to admit it and have always denied. + +The whole thing triggers a total existential crisis for me and throws me off track: Everything I have lived for the last few years now seems useless and disgusts me. I read my resume and am disgusted by the stringing together of courses, successes and professional experiences. I feel bad because for the last few years I've always laughed at couples for not getting the rest of their lives together. I feel bad because I've always tied my self-worth to achievement and now I see and feel that that's not actually what it's worth living for. But that it is love that one should live for. + +Am I depressed and do I need professional help? My problem is that as a future civil servant I could then have problems with the medical officer and then no civil service relationship could come about. Do you have similar experiences or tips on how I should best deal with this?",Am I depressed and if yes why?,1 +941,"Since I was young I saw how unhappy my parents were with their corporate jobs. From a young age I wanted to learn more about the world and see different cultures and experience different things and didn’t want to end up hating my career. + +Ever since graduation all I’ve felt is failure towards my own life. I’ll see old classmates traveling, or starting a home business and living on a beach house in Hawaii and I’m honestly super happy for them. But at the same time it hurts. + +I look to my life and see that I’ve fallen into exactly what I’ve feared most. I work a blue collar job in a factory, working long hours living paycheck to paycheck. I look back at the 16 year old kid I was and wish I could have slapped more sense into him to not worry so much about what family would think if I didn’t go the “traditional” route. If I’d just taken the steps I wanted to be who I wanted to be and not so frightened of them. + +But now I’m sitting at work at 10pm getting ready for a 12 hour shift regretting how stupid I was as a kid for letting myself be pushed away from trying something new to fall into the 9-5 (or 11-11 in my case) rhythm that my family hated so much but pushed so hard for. + +My body is tired, I just want to sleep and dream again",I’m living my nightmare,1 +942,"Everything and everyone annoys me and I'm annoying to everyone... Life's fun innit? Also Reddit's been depressing me. Everyone's fake to get karma, as soon as someone's honest they're eliminated. Cool.",I'm just angry now tbh,1 +943,"I have no friends at this point due to either my own mistakes or just things not working out. I had a falling out with my family so I'm essentially NC with them, and on top of that I recently moved to an entirely new state. I had to sell a lot of my belongings that helped me cope with my depression, such as my laptop and PS5. + +My partner is a fantastic person and the moments I get to spend with him everyday are a blessing. He has similar issues, but I insisted he kept his computer since that's his lifeline. On top of that, he has numerous social circles who adore him. + +I've been having a terrible depression spout just due to the new location and lack of socializing, and it stings when I'm awake at night sad and alone, and I hear him talking to one of his many friend groups. They play games, have fun, just hang out. He'll do this all night, and I have to sleep and wake up to him having fun. + +I asked him to keep his belongings and I love that he has friends, but I just get so upset that he has things that I just cannot have - a loving family, friends who would never replace him, games he can play - it makes me so irrevocably depressed that I just can't have those things for some reason. I have autism, ADHD and social anxiety and I try to communicate my jealousy to him but at the end of the day, it isn't his problem. I want him to be happy but I'm upset that he can do these things, which is shitty of me to even feel. + +How do I get over it? How do you even make friends when you're just a piece of shit person with no good qualities? I'm tired of being so damn lonely. What's the point of doing things if I can't even share them? I love to read and write but I'm not even motivated to do those things because I can't talk about them to anyone. + +It got so bad last night I burned myself with a lighter, took some Tylenol PM and just slept despite sleeping all day already. + +I don't know what to do.",How do you cope with jealousy?,1 +944,"(17 male) I have been struggling with depression on and off for the past 5 years. Practically every day I would have mood swings but the past 3 years have been terrible. Working out, eating healthy, or trying to meet new people doesn't help. I become angry easily. Though I was homeschooled and clearly have social problems, I am capable of keeping a conversation going. I don't have any friends I really hang out with, and have a total of 3 online friends with whom I interact with regularly. I have not committed suicide due to religious reasons. I have experienced loss of a loved one and have not been able to move on. I am supposed to finish GED this year, but get too frustrated of reading so much and getting answers wrong. I do not enjoy playing games or consuming media anymore. Every day feels like decay. I have considered taking anti-depressant medication, but I don't know how, and I can already tell that my parent would be strongly against the idea. I genuinely do not know how to go on.",I have been struggling with depression for around 6 years and I don't know what to do.,1 +945,"For a little context, I’ve been suffering from primary anxiety and secondary depression (as my former therapist would say). I’ve dealt with this, therapy and medications since the age of 14 (I am now 22). I am sick of it. + +I did the whole change in environment- moved 500 miles from home. While I was lucky enough to do so, a short year went by and with many significant losses, I’m back to square one. I don’t want to return to the medications or the headache of retrieving my backstory to yet another therapist. I feel defeated, I’ve worked on myself so hard these last few years. + +I read somewhere today, “depression is treatable not curable”. It hit me hard, I broke down crying recalling all my efforts. My question is how, how can we live with these mental illnesses without being pumped with drugs everyday? Or cramming therapy sessions every week to feel normal? Is it even possible?",Suffering but I don’t want to,1 +946,"My therapist is pushing me to come out to him and belives that this is the source of all my issues. Am not ready for that yet and I know that not all my issues exist because of this. + I want to discuss other topics/issues with him but he keeps redirecting the conversation to my orientation and I don't want to talk about that!! Am having difficulty communicating with him and I don't know what to do! My main issue is something else but he keeps focusing on this topic. +What do I do??",Need advice,1 +947,"almost everyone I have encountered within my life has been abusive to me.. plenty of people are abusive unintentionally, but ignorance is not an excuse to neglect and/or abuse and use people. I almost think it is worse when they are not self aware, because then those people will continue to do it over and over and over again to countless others, feeling blame free. no one likes being called out as an abuser either though, so it seldom goes well when you try to bring it to light. + +*sighs* + +I become so exhausted with trying to make anyone understand me, or my feelings. half the time it is met with rejection, and the other half is self loathing for being a pitiful creature. + +more times than not, I think I deserve this.. to feel this way.. because of that thinking, I push myself into doing things I do not have energy for, interest in, things that cause me so much pain that it physically manifests and makes me ill. I lie to people and over extend myself, as long as it pleases them. I invite more abuse in, because I am certain that I deserve it. I have lost so much will to fight for myself anymore, and my sad truth is... I do not have anyone who is willing to fight for me.. + +I do not have anyone I can trust to hold up the walls when they start to collapse in. I do not have anyone that I can genuinely believe in their words, because there has never been real action to follow it. it is just me.. and I have run empty now. I do not even have steam to keep me going, just a void where I used to be. + +I have let people do such horrible things to me, because I deserve it. nightmares have haunted me for so long that, I wake up screaming or crying most of the time. I would keep inviting it too, because even abuse means someone is there keeping you alive in some way. I know I'm unhealthy, but that goes with being sick. + +I do not know what else to say.. I was just talking, but even that had fatigued me now.",Unwell,1 +948,"I don't know how to say this, I want to get this off my chest. + +I have recently been released from a psychiatry after half a year and am now at a place where I have to do almost nothing, I didn't even do anything to get there. I just have to go there in the morning and leave after 5 hours. And I am too fucking incapable of even doing this. How the fuck am I supposed to achieve anything if I already fuck up at getting out of bed. I haven't stood up on time once since I left the clinic. + +I can't talk to people, I can't not look like a damn newborn piece of shite that has no life experience at all in the public and I can't fucking do anything a normal person would without getting overwhelmed or getting exhausted. I am at my limit from basically nothing, so how am I supposed to achieve anything? I am out of school (which I barely managed to survive) and don't have much time left before I have to leave my fathers place (who is also responsible for me even having anything to do, which I don't appreciate nearly enough and who puts way too much energy into keeping me afloat) and move very far away. I don't have the motivation to wake up in the morning for anything, as it all feels unnecessary and hopeless. There aren't even people I care for, not even my parents or something. And the handful of ""friends"" I have only talk to me when no one else is available. All of my school friends stopped talking to me the moment I left school. I had a girlfriend, but I didn't feel a bit of empathy at all, which I broke to her a few months later. Now I yearn for the warmth I lost after that, which I probably won't experience ever, because I am, on top of all that, the most hideous, insecure, retarded fat piece of shit you'll ever see. + +I don't know what to do at all. I don't know who to talk to and how. I don't know if I can do this much longer, for I have no reason to do it. There is nothing that makes life worth living, as I don't have any interest or motivation for anything. I have so many problems, that I can't list here, that feel like they'll follow me to my grave. I need help. Or someone to talk to. I don't know.",I am not capable of anything and I don't know what to do anymore,1 +949,"Tell me why everything is going wrong. Stop telling me it will work out and be okay. Just tell me why. Please tell me why. + +I can’t sleep, and when I do I sleep too long. I dream of pain and I wake up and feel it. The tears stain my pillows like oil, they won’t come out. I cry at everything and now I’m angry for crying. Crying doesn’t fix anything. + +Just tell me why.",Why is everything going wrong,1 +950,"All I want is a hug, a real tight one where I can't get out off easily I want to be squeezed, my face reclined on their shoulders, ears rubbed against theirs. I yearn for a human's warmth. + +I got no one in my life right now that I can truly be open with. Stuck in an environment where I feel caged, suffocating, in desperation to grasp anyone for hugs. + +I want to lie down in someone's bed, converse with and sleep in their care. I want to feel safe, loved, and shamelessly desired. + +I've been depressed for so long, it has become a part of my life. At one point I'm smiling, then enraged, followed by desolation and despair. I'm sad, broken, alone. + +All I want is a hug, a human touch. That is all. + +Making art gives me comfort, even if it is for a fleeting moment. But besides that, I'm broken, too shattered to be pieced together. + +I don't want pity nor fake niceness. Just a genuine hug, a big bear hug.",I'm just tired is all.,1 +951,"i can feel an episode comingggg its fucking terrible i know how bad it will get i just want to smash my head against the wall rn, my social battery is dying out too like I CAN FEEL AN EPISODE HITTING ME AND I DONT WANT IT TO i hate it when i have depressive episodes like its just suicidal thoughts constantly and honest to god just thinking about it is eating away at me because i wish i could do anything to stop going into that fucking state. but the cycle always repeats. + +like the past 10 days i had a really bad episode and i think these previous 2 days? it somewhat alleviated and i could actually move my body and interact with people and be fucking not miserable and have MOTIVATION TO DO SHIT but now another episode will hit me and i'll return to just laying around all day, rotting away for hours. honestly fuck this its so frustrating not having any control over my god damn brain or emotions i hate it sm 😭😭",another episode is suddenly hitting me and i dont want it to i wish i could stop it so badly,1 +952,"19F, I've been struggling with depression for 2 years now, the main things that have been making everything worse are my family issues. My parents are going to court soon for alleged threat to kill charges and i was forced to testify against my mother. The court date is 6 days from now and I'm losing my mind, I never ever want to hurt people especially my family, I always tiptoe around them and put them before myself, but no one ever does the same for me, no one even realised the state I'm in. They only care about themselves and yet I always get blamed for their problems, worries, misfortunes, etc., I've only ever tried, I try so hard to make everyone feel safe and happy. I ran away from home, start abusing substances, lost so many people, have internal self loathing, deal with traumatising memories of getting constantly molested by my older brother, started self harming and not eating. life is a fucking cycle of everlasting pain.",It's getting worse,1 +953,"Like I enjoy life, I'm happy at my job, but I have this lingering feeling things are going to crash down sooner or later, and I'll be the cause. I miss my ex, I just want to cry.",Been feeling like a screwup lately....,1 +954,"I feel like a lot of people don’t understand that you don’t need a shitty life to be depressed. I definitely was born this way, disconnected from reality. Yeah there’s been a lot of shitty things that have happened to me but I have always felt this way. I’m currently in college with only a few friends that I’m not even that close with anymore. I haven’t been in a relationship in a few years. I have no motivation to do anything and I’m stuck. Medication doesn’t seem to help me so I’m just going through the motions of life. If it weren’t for my few friends and family I would have no reason to be here. It just sucks having to fake everything all the time. I’m only 21 and I have the rest of my life to deal with. I don’t even know what I look like. I’m just going through the motions and suffering in silence. I smoke weed and drink often and harm myself sometimes when I get too drunk. I have no clue what to do anymore.",Disconnected,1 +955,"I haven't eaten in almost two days, have slept 5 hours in the last 48 hours, I have no friends, and I've spent almost all of the last 48 hours crying. My eyes are all puffy and just hope no one notices (teachers, etc.) My boyfriend is mad at me cuz I don't completely trust him when we've only been together for 4 weeks. Idk what to do with my life. I got really close to attempting about 1 hour ago. But I told someone and he was super cool. He shares a lot of my pain and all ya know? This is an alt acct so dm me and I will give u my main profile user. I have this acct so my boyfriend can't see my posts about him.",Im tired,1 +956,Cảm giác được 9.8 thay vì 10 nó cay vãi cả ra.,Điểm thi giữa kỳ của tôi như shit ấy,1 +957,"Hey, I’m currently on 75mg effexor and 30mg mirtazepine. So far I have been taking xanax for anxiety, however I am thinking of trying CBD. Has anyone mixed these meds with CBD and that are your experiences?",California rocketfuel (Effexor75mg + Mirtazepine 30mg) and CBD,1 +958,"I was depressed for a long time, since i was a kid i had an abusive family, kids bullying me and after i hit 18 and got to move out i couldn't find any girl whatsoever that wants to be with me and now i'm gonna hit 30 soon and will probably never experience any human connection. I was depressed as long as i can remember. it's the norm. i'm not sure what it feels like to not be depressed. how does happiness feels like, i'm almost scared of experiencing happiness. this world is so evil.",i was depressed for a long time i'm not sure how to not be depressed,1 +959,"Tried to cut my wrist artery with a dull ikea knife 45 mins of cutting got me nowhere, tried with a bread knife no luck, got about .5 cm deep. later that evening tried hanging my self with a vacuum electric cord, shit snapped woke up on the ground still alive, can’t do nothing right… maybe I should take it as a sign, god really wants me here I guess. Or I’m just too fat",Tried commiting suicide twice today failed miserably,1 +960,"First off, english isn't my first language, so excuse me for the errors. +I could really use some help right now, cause I'm so lost. + +I've been drinking and smoking so much for the past few weeks, its really starting to hurt me really bad. But, I think I just lost something special. So basically, I was in a relationship with this girl for around 4 months. We hit it off real good, right from the start. We used to hang around uni together, and it felt so perfect. I had to break it off with her, since I wasnt really looking for anything serious, and she insisted on only that. Ever since the beginning, and even during our relationship, she only prioritized friendship over us. It was always friends, friends, friends for her. We said we'd balance both, but somehow she didn't do anything much about us. She also had a lot of guy friends, that made me feel so bad about, but I never got the nerve to tell her about how that made me feel. Seeing her dancing with all those guys post breakup, sparked a different kinda anger in me. I know I ended this, but I was really hoping that we would atleast stay friends. I told her how much she meant to me, and even begged her to stay. +I just ended up blocking her. Her birthday, is in a months time. Should I even bother wishing her? + +What do you think my next move should be? +Should I just let this die slowly? +Should I move on? +Is it okay for me to feel this way?",Need help badly,1 +961,"Idk man i feel like im too fucked up to be loveable anymore + +I have weird feminine mannerisms and limp wrist syndrome + +Couldnt beat porn addiction and destroyed myself so much that my dick actually seems smaller + +Trying to roll back alcoholism but instead of relapsing and actually drinking i get high off of sniffing concentrated hand sanitizer + +Sometimes i sleep on the floor and hope i die + +Very low drive to do anything",Am i worthy of love,1 +962,"A plain and simple hi to begin + +Most of this discussion will be off the top of my head and I'll be adding my own experiences. + +To start, there are situations in life that we genuinely have absolutely no control over. I myself suffer from MDD and struggle with it on a daily basis. I take medication, I try and get out more, I see a therapist and I'm trying to find a job that would interest me. I'm constantly worried about my future and whether I want to continue or not. One thing that happens quite frequently is that I create non existent situations in my head which cause even more stress and anxiety. Once this cycle begins, it doesn't matter what it is, whether I have control over it or not, it's a nightmare to deal with this constant stress of anything that may happen. Why does this occur? Why are we as humans so unequipped to handle these challange? One could say the society we are surrounded by and what is expected of us causes a drastic change in the way we look, feel and think. To an extent this is true, but why is it so terribly exhausting and anxiety stricken to be able to even begin coping with what is going on around us. It's an obstacle I am incapable of clearing, I worry about anything and everything that involves me and those close to me. I'm consistently tired, in pain, anxious, worried and have had this heavy weight on my chest each and every minute of everyday for over 5 years. Nothing seems to change, I keep telling myself tomorrow will be different, I'll do this and that and it will all be better. But when the time comes.... I fall short, I let myself down, I let others down and most of all I continue the same cycle over and over again. Is this a situation or cycle I've made up to comfort myself as all I know is this feeling of dread and doubt and fear and anxiety, or does it truly exist and hinder me? Am I really my own worst enemy? Why am I constantly at war with myself? It feels like a never ending battle, I fight back, but I don't fight hard enough. Am I even capable of doing so? +Just what exactly is it that I'm waiting for... An idea, a person, an event or situation in my life? These consist of things I can and can't control... I feel as though I have no control over the majority of these things, which further pushes me to feel as though I have control over nothing. Why do we have to suffer the way we do? Why are our minds and body working against us? Is it not the job of our brain to keep us alive and well? It's supposed to keep us alive for as long as possible, and we even have built in ways of surviving dangerous situations, but when it comes down to the core of it, our brains are what control us. Our thoughts, our actions and feelings.... Yet its perfectly happy with the idea of us ending it...","Our control, our fear, our anxiety, our stress... Why does it always have to lead to more of them?",1 +963,"Ok so I know I've got depression and anxiety. Recentl, past 2-3 months now I've noticed myself withdrawal from people. I work in retail and spend all day doing customer service when I get home I spend all my remaining day in my bedroom. Any ideas on what I can do to motivate myself to get moving and do something with my time? I currently feel like I wake up, work and sleep. I know that's being an adult but I feel something missing.",Need advice,1 +964,"I (20M) have for the past 2 months been seeing a CBT therapists after struggling with mental health and depression for the last 3 years. A point that irked me was that I never could pinpoint the cause of my mental deterioration, so I assumed that my condition was just a result of an accumalation of bad experiences and circumstances in my later life. I have one week of therapy left until i am given the choice to end/contine/intensify therapy, and Ive lately been disheartened by how little they have helped. Something I never discussed with my therapist was that I believe I was sexually assaulted at age 6 by my cousin (11F) back in my home country. As far as I know, no one knows beside me and her, and she seperated from the family a while back as her mother divorced. If they did know, they may have chosen to never tell me in the hope I was too young to remember the event. The memory is so hazy that at times I question if it ever occured. Even then, I like to think of it of had having no effect on my life, but recently the memory has been surfacing more. Ive never looked back on this memory and thought of it as trauma, I have no feelings for the memory at all. But can something that I regarded as so insignificant result in symptoms many years later, or am I merely grasping at any clue to the cause for my depression. I feel sick when thinking of bringing it up to my therapist, Ive never told anyone but a very close friend of it. How vital would this piece of info be to my therapist?",Should I tell my therapist about this?,1 +965,"(tw for mentions of sexual (specifically CSA), physical, and emotional abuse, incest, suicidal ideation, abandonment, grief, parental loss, and harrassment. let me know if i need to add anymore) + +not in the suicidal way (ok maybe a bit). i *LITERALLY* feel like it was against the universe for me to be born and now I'm living a waking nightmare due to going against nature + +my dad almost got in a fatal crash years before i was born and my mom had multiple miscarriages before having me + +i was born early and when they xrayed me (because i was having trouble breathing) my intestines were tied. i was quickly flown to another hospital and when they xrayed me again i was suddenly fine. + +i think this was all a warning sign + +here's why i think I'm cursed: + +since then i have been sexually abused (exclusively by different family members), emotionally abused, physically abused, neglected, got ptsd from medical malpractice, been abandoned veryvery suddenly by multiple people i have known for years, diagnosed with over 6 different mental disorders (there's probably more waiting to be discovered as well), and lost my stepdad due to a fatal accident on Christmas day 2022. + +since then his entire family has been harrassing us and trying to take his dogs from us out of purely spite. his mom thinks my mom is at fault (he had 100% brain death and my mom gave them the ok to take him off the icu) and she admitted to my mom she's trying to make me more suicidal so that i kill myself not because she has anything against me personally, but because my death would destroy my mom. + +all of the stuff i listed has taken place in a span of 9 years. each year i experienced an extreme traumatic event. I'm only 18. i never got to properly experience my teenage years. + +other random stuff i need to get off my chest and that also make me feel like I've been cursed: + +i have Premenstrual Dymorphic Disorder (PMDD). I consider it the worst out of all the other disorders i have. two weeks out of every month my body and brain torture me. when i was told at 16 im to young to legally have a hysterectomy (the only known cure for most pmdd patients) and i would have to try almost every medication for pmdd before a doctor would consider it i started sobbing. I'm still trying different medications. The current one isn't working well so far. + +i also might have to leave the place I've lived for 9 years for another country within the next 2 due to the fact I'm trans and things have been feeling more unsafe in the US as of late. what's especially difficult (and the cherry on top) is that I'm autistic so even minor changes are REALLY really hard. i also have a lot of friends and a community here. it just seems the major life changes have just been ramping up lately. I've been experiencing psychotic episodes lately due to sheer stress. + +basically I'm trying to say that whenever something good finally happens and i can rest for a second it gets taken away from me. i can't remember the last time my body wasn't slightly tense actually + +i feel like i can't tell my mom or even my friends I've had for years anything. all this trauma has left me not knowing how to emotionally open up. i feel so isolated even in a room of people i love. I've recently become emotionally and mentally unstable with my personality, morals, and behavior completely shifting in a single second. I feel like i can't trust anyone. I feel out of control. + +I feel like i have upset the universe with my existence. + +(ps don't ask me how my intestines can tie and then untie themselves i genuinely don't know. that's just what I've been told by everyone that was there. also i hope I'm ok to post this here. if not please let me know and I'll take it down. apologies if I'm not very coherent. i hope you all have a good day💖)",I feel like I wasn't meant to be born (literally),1 +966,"I'm sure that many of you are looking for springtime to go out and have better mood these days, but for me everytime spring and sunny warmer days hits, my depression gets very worse, at least for a few weeks. I know about seasonal depression and spring asthenia, but I think this is another thing. Many days I need to close the courtains and stay in the darkness. Only the night is a relief for me.",Am I the only one?,1 +967,Then I woke up. Sometimes dreams are better than real life.,"I reconnected with an old friend and they asked me to marry them, I said yes.",1 +968,"There are many people who are happy and successful and then suddenly get into accidents or become very sick... + +And then there's me... I've been wanting to die for 12 years now.... but it never comes.",Death is so unfair,1 +969,It's better than being conscious,I'd like to sleep my life away,1 +970,"I hate life and I feel I’m not meant this world. I’m too soft, emotional and just weak… I think about why worthless my life is and how bad this world can be and I cry. I look horrible. I’m a depressed mess",I cry literally everyday.,1 +971,atleast its something,only thing i look foward to is getting drunk and high,1 +972,"People always jump to say, “suicide isn’t the answer,” but then they never tell you what the answer actually is. Like, okay I didn’t commit, what happens now? Do I sh? Do I just live life like this? What the fuck am I meant to do now?",I hate this phrase,1 +973,"I listen to my cousin and siblings...they all have their life mapped out and planned. For me, I was planning on not having a future, so I never actually made a road map to success for my life. Sometimes I wonder if it's as obvious to see that as I do. + +For the longest time, I thought I would d1e before age 18, so I put off thinking about what I'd do after school. Then when I hit 18 and was still alive I just did the bare minimum to stay afloat, I kept biding my time like that hoping I'd have a spontaneous heart attack or something because of how unhealthily I treat my body. + +But yet I'm still here ... why? + +How come hundreds of thousands of people who wanted to live died at an early age, but I who want to die am still here when I've not taken care of myself in so long... why, why, why? + +I don't understand why the world is doing this to me. Even though my thoughts of death have been pretty passive, it's not like they don't affect me at all. Everytime I get my tiny paycheck and see that I don't have enough to afford more than 1 meal a day I just want to die more. All I asked for was a job that I don't hate, that pays me a wage to live on my own...back in my parents day it seemed like that was actually doable relatively easily from the stories they both tell. Why is that not the case anymore? Or is it just me? + +Again I ask, if the world wants me to live so much, than why make it so goddamn hard to actually live??? + +I'm so fcking tired of living. Nothing here is worth it. I hate this fcking world. I hate every single person on this planet. I hate my stupid job. Hate my stupid boss. I hate how everything revolves around money. I hate the society humans created. I hate myself for not just being born a normal person. + +Fck I wish someone would kill me. People die everyday, why won't someone just kill me?","Everytime I think of my ""future"" I just think, ""Maybe I should kms."" because it would be so much easier and so much less painful to just kms now than it would be to struggle to just survive.",1 +974,"I hate it here. I hate myself. I'm just stuck here because I don't want to make people sad. It actually feels like my life is over, I never felt this bad before. I don't want to exist anymore.",All my life I'm just distracting myself from reality,1 +975,"Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these shouldn't be standalone posts in the sub as they violate the ""role model"" rule, but are welcome here), or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, this is a place you can share. + +----- + +Our subreddit rules are located in the sidebar (you can also always access them at https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/about/rules) - since all of them exist for important safety reasons, we ask everyone here to read and follow them. Please click 'report' on any harmful content you see here - we always want to know and deal as soon as we can. + +We also have several wikis there for help with finding and giving support: + +https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/what_is_depression provides guidance about what is and isn't a depressive disorder, guidance on the complex nature of the illnesses that are usually grouped under the ""depression"" label, and redirect information for common off-topic issues. + +https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/giving_help offers information on the nature and value of peer support for mental-health issues in general, and lots of guidance for learning what is -- and isn't -- usually helpful in giving peer support. + +YSK that the types of rule violations that we most frequently see interfering with people getting safe and relevant support here are: + +- People breaking the private contact rule. You should never trust anyone who tries to get you into a private conversation in response to a post here. See https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/private_contact + +- ""I'm here to help"" posts. This shows that you don't understand the most basic principles of peer support, especially selectivity. The ""giving help"" wiki explains more about this. + +- Role modelling, i.e. ""achievement"" or ""advice"" posts. This is an expert-free zone -- that's what peer support means (rule 5). We know that ""internet culture"" celebrate not just bragging about your achievements but bragging about your good intentions. Nothing like that is ever acceptable here. + +- Content that's more about 'making a statement' or casually polling the sub than seeking personal support (or, in a comment, giving it) (rules 1, 2 and 10). + +- Off-topic posts about difficult situations or circumstances, including interpersonal losses. Grief, sadness, anger, and other difficult emotions are not mental illnesses. The ""what is depression"" wiki has suggestions for other places to post about these issues, which are 100% valid and serious but inappropriate here.","Regular check-in post, with information about our rules and wikis",1 +976,"We understand that most people who reply immediately to an OP with an invitation to talk privately mean only to help, but this type of response usually leads to either disappointment or disaster. it usually works out quite differently here than when you say ""PM me anytime"" in a casual social context. + +We have huge admiration and appreciation for the goodwill and good citizenship of so many of you who support others here and flag inappropriate content - even more so because we know that so many of you are struggling yourselves. We're hard at work behind the scenes on more information and resources to make it easier to give and get quality help here - this is just a small start. + +Our new wiki page explains in detail why it's much better to respond in public comments, at least until you've gotten to know someone. It will be maintained at /r/depression/wiki/private_contact, and the full text of the current version is below. + +***** + +###Summary### + +**Anyone who, while acting as a helper, invites or accepts private contact (I.e. PMs, chat, or any kind of offsite communication) early in the conversion is showing either bad intentions or bad judgement. Either way, it's unwise to trust them.** + + +""PM me anytime"" seems like a kind and generous offer. And it might be perfectly well-meaning, but, unless and until a solid rapport has been established, it's just not a wise idea. Here are some points to consider before you offer or accept an invitation to communicate privately. + +* **By posting supportive replies publicly, you'll help more people than just the OP. If your responses are of good quality, you'll educate and inspire other helpers.** [The 1-9-90 rule](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1%25_rule_(Internet_culture\)) applies here as much as it does anywhere else on the internet. + +* People who are struggling with serious mental-health issues often (justifiably) have a low tolerance for disappointment and a high-level of ever-changing emotional need. **Unless the helper is able to make a 100% commitment to be there for them in every way, for as long as necessary, offering a personal inbox as a resource is likely to do more harm than good.** This is why mental-health crisis-line responders usually don't give their names and callers aren't allowed to request specific responders. It's much healthier and safer for the callers to develop a relationship with the agency as a whole. Analogously, it's much safer and healthier for our OPs to develop a relationship with the community as a whole. Even trained responders are generally not allowed to work high-intensity situations alone. It's partly about availability, but it's mostly about wider perspective and preventing compassion fatigue. + +* **If a helper gets in over their head with someone whose mental-health issues (including suicidality, which is often comorbid with depression) escalate, in a PM conversation it's much harder for others, including the /r/depression and /r/SuicideWatch moderators to help**. (Contrary to common assumptions, moderators can't see or police PMs.) + +* In our observation over many years, the people who say ""PM me"" the most are consistently the ones with the least understanding of mental-health issues and mental-health support. We all have gaps in our knowledge and in our ability to communicate effectively. Community input mitigates these limitations. **There's no reason why someone who's truly here to help would want to hide their responses from community scrutiny**. If helpers are concerned about their own privacy, keep in mind that self-disclosure, when used supportively, is more about the feelings than the details, and that we have no problem here with the use of alt/throwaway accounts, and have no restrictions on account age or karma. + +* We all know the internet is used by some people to exploit or abuse others. These people *do* want to hide their deceptive and manipulative responses from everyone except their victims. There are many of them who specifically target those who are vulnerable because of mental-health issues. **If a helper invites an OP to talk privately and gives them a good, supportive experience, they've primed that person to be more vulnerable to abusers.** This sort of cognitive priming tends to be particularly effective when someone's in a state of mental-health crisis, when people rely more on heuristics than critical reasoning. + +* If OPs want to talk privately, posting on a wide-open anonymous forum like reddit might not be the best option. Although we don't recommend it, we do allow OPs to request private contact when asking for support. If you want to do this, please keep your expectations realistic, and to have a careful look at the history of anyone who offers to PM before opening up to them.","Our most-broken and least-understood rules is ""helpers may not invite private contact as a first resort"", so we've made a new wiki to explain it",1 +977,Anyone else just miss physical touch? I crave it so badly…,"I haven’t been touched, or even hugged, in so long that I can’t even remember what it feels like…",1 +978,"I’m just so ashamed. Everyone and everything feels so far away. Every time I leave my house, I feel like I’m drowning in an ocean while watching people on the shore having a grand old time. I feel like everyone else is on a whole other plane of existence, meanwhile I’m stuck beneath the surface just trying to breathe. + +Every time I talk to someone, I have to check to see if there’s something on my face once I leave because other people don’t know what to say to me and it’s always so fucking awkward. I try so hard to appear normal, but other people see right through it. I can’t relate to anyone. I can’t talk to anyone. I try so hard but I just can’t. + +And it’s embarrassing. I feel stupid for being this way. I’ve tried so hard to fix myself and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve been in therapy for over a decade and the only thing that’s changed is I’m really good at talking about myself.",Being Depressed is Embarrassing,1 +979,I really need a friend. I don't even have a single best friend and I'm desperate to find true love. Please help me. No one responded to my last post. It seems like no one cares about me and my life doesn't matter. Female here just saying,I'm desperate for a friend and to feel loved by someone.,1 +980,"Hear me out... life in general sucks. We have to work the majority of our time in jobs we hate for people we don't care about to earn just about enough to live relatively comfortably. + +The majority of people are selfish assholes who only care about themselves. Me, you and 99.9% of people included whether we admit it or not. + +To me optimistic people seem mentally ill. I dint see the appeal in pretending that we're not all fucking miserable. (Also if I hear one more person talk about ""manifesting"" happiness I may be doing 25 to life) + +Tldr: if a movie sucks you would turn it off.",Call me crazy but suicide seems rational at this point..,1 +981,"Never in a million years did I think I’d be on Reddit writing something like this but maybe this is my soul trying to find some sort of salvation from the pain. I’ve been thrown into the proverbial fire as of late & I feel like I’m just unable to get a grip on anything. + +1. My father passed away & I hadn’t spoken to him in well over 10yrs prior to his passing. He was extremely abusive to me as a child to the point or making me bleed. I am not really sad about his passing but feel many of the “what if” things in relation to a better childhood. + +2. I found out that my sister is not 100% my sister & we don’t have the same father & we both have been lied to about that our entire lives by our mother who I also don’t have the best relationship with. We did DNA tests two days ago for absolute concrete evidence of everything so now it’s a waiting game. I live in the same house as her & have been dying to get out on my own but financially am unable to at the moment due to my own disability cystic fibrosis. + +3. The girl I have been in a situation-ship doesn’t feel the same way I do about her. This one hurts me so much, honestly more in a sense than my dad passing. I feel like I’m mourning the loss of someone still alive but we are still friends & love one another. I never thought I’d catch feelings for her but here we are. We have a beautiful friendship , the sex is great & we have so many great laughs & moments. She’s been such a bright spot in my dark times lately. I wanted to see if we could give things a real try but she just doesn’t feel how I do. This now is breaking my heart & don’t know how to navigate it. I don’t want to just get rid of her as a friend, I genuinely care about her. She is fine with continuing what we are doing but I’m not sure I can do that right now with how I feel about her. + +Everything is just compounding ontop of eachother & I feel like I’m suffocating. My appetite is shot, I feel restless where I feel like I’m going crazy & I’ve been having very dark thoughts & find humor in self harm jokes to myself & my close friends. + +Maybe this is a cry for help, maybe I’m trying. I’m not sure. But if anyone reads this & has advice or a heart to be here for me I would love & cherish your kindness. Thank you .",Could really use someone to talk to. I’m falling apart,1 +982,"Hi!! + +I want to preface by saying, i’m sorry, because i know this is completely and totally selfish of me to ask. + +There’s a million things i want to say or express, but i feel like i can only do it with someone who understands. Or at the very least, someone who isn’t directly involved. + +I’m sorry, i don’t want to be a burden, but that’s what i’m asking, i think. If there’s any chance some lovely amazing person would let me burden them, just for a bit, i would appreciate it with my whole heart (or whatever is left of it aha)",Can i rant to someone?? You can rant in return!!,1 +983,"I’m 40(M) and I’ve always maintained that I’m too ugly for women and that hasn’t changed. Then my not long ago my therapist talked me into using a dating app to get experience to chatting with women and to get over fears of rejection. + +I didn’t like the idea but I did it anyway. Well I think it is fair to say that it was the final straw, because the only women who were (allegedly) interested were women in foreign countries, sure they were highly educated (they claimed) and quite a few of them were not bad looking but I zero matches from us women. + +Long story short, I was talking to this female doctor in the Dominican Republic and most of our conversations had to be done with google translate because she didn’t speak much English. Well after a while I realized that this was going nowhere and I politely told her that we needed to go our separate ways and unmatched her. + +A few days later I decided that enough was enough, I think it’s beyond reasonable doubt that I’m too ugly and need to just embrace being alone for life. But my brain won’t let me, I keep having to remind myself to not go back to the app, to just find ways to help people and be content alone but again my mind keeps obsessing about being alone so that I find myself needing to vent several times a day and it’s pathetic. + +I have proof that I’m hopelessly ugly, among other things and need to just stop thinking about it and embrace being alone and stop caring. I don’t want to care anymore, I want to happy and content with my life.",I don’t want to care about being alone,1 +984,"I used to get through my life by believing in the delusion that things were all going to work out one day and I’d find my place in the world. Now I realize that all I’ve accomplished through this is to prolong my suffering. Every day of my life is pain and misery and nothing else, and it will always be that way. I cannot fucking believe that this is what life is, but I guess I just got unlucky. Some people get to have loving parents, close friends, romantic partners, and a career they enjoy that makes them enough money to live on. And some of us get none of those things. We get left to rot in shitty minimum-wage jobs, ignored by all the girls or boys in school, treated like shit by everyone who was supposed to care about us. We get nothing and yet we’re expected to be grateful for a life empty of everything that makes it worth living. So I think I’m done with all of this nonsense. I haven’t planned my way out yet but I think this is where my story is going to end. I can’t imagine a future where I’m happy and I won’t bother trying anymore.",Hope is just a form of self-harm,1 +985,I can never truly believe someone when they say something positive about me. I feel like shit for not believing them but I just cant. I always think they are just fucking with me and they don't actually mean it. Because come on nobody would sincerely say that type of bullshit about me. I don't like thjs,I can't seem to accept positivity,1 +986,"I'm a 25 year old man who's never had a girlfriend or sex in his life and since yesterday I decided to give up trying. I have a very good life, amazing family and friends that understand and support me no matter what I do, I have a job that I enjoy and coworkers I get extremely well along with. I don't consider myself ugly, I think I'm just mid. I nurture many passions, am very extroverted and outgoing, and I believe I'm quite smart, but especially in these last 3 years I've been feeling extremely hollow and sad, and the reason why is no matter what I do or how much I keep improving myself, I seem to have no luck with girls. Yesterday I went out with this great girl I met in university 2 years ago, which I've been texting on and off with. I thought she had interests in me since she was the one asking me out, but as I later found out in the day she had been seeing this guy for about a month where she is studying. I promised myself to go into that ""date"" with no expectations but of course there was hope things would go well. However, as per usual, I had to go back home and cry myself to sleep for the 100th time and I'm just tired of this endless repeating cycle. +People who've had at least one relationship in their life will never get the pain.",I don't wanna try anymore,1 +987,"20M + +I feel like im slowly decaying. My mind slips; i cant remember much anymore, i have no desire to do any fun activities anymore; at least not the ones that ive done already (which is just about everything). I have all the desire in the world to get better, but no motivation. I can honestly feel myself getting worse each month. I noticed that i become a little more sad and unmotivated over time, and i really cant seem to stop it from progressing. It feels like a disease. + +My life just feels like im in limbo every day. I wake up, do the same thing all day that ive done a million times this week, then wait until my insomnia decides to let me sleep. At night i get into depressive episodes that lead to panic attacks, which fill my head with intrusive thoughts that i would never think normally. Its nothing horrifying or disturbing, but they really bother me. Its like the voice in my head wants me to be sad on purpose. + +The thought that really bugs me the most, the reason for making this post in the first place, tells me to push people away. Not really in that exact manner, but i question if i can really feel anything towards the people who are close to me. Everyone is normally completely fine, but not during my episode. It makes me feel like a completely different person. It makes me wonder if i really love my girlfriend and if id be better off alone. Its similar for my friends. Im fine with them normally, but during my episodes, they annoy me and i feel like i want to stop talking to them. But after i go to sleep and wake up, everything is back to normal. I love my girlfriend, and i like my friends. This thought didnt start happening until this month. I never used to want to push people away because ive always been the lonely type who wants more friends, and i always hated being alone, and i still do; which is how i can tell that im getting worse. Im just not me anymore, im a completely different person than the one i used to know. + +The other thoughts are just pessimistic jabs at my future, and general sadness questions. Wondering if im ever going to live a stable life, or if im going to feel happy and content ever again, or if i will continue to be a failure forever. I always have to remind myself that it has to get better eventually, and i cant feel like this forever, but most times its hard to convince myself. I cant remember the last time i didnt feel terrible. Im not suicidal, i dont have a desire to stop living, and dont even get thoughts about it whatsoever. But these episodes make it really difficult to be a living, functioning person. + +I need to know how to stop thinking this way when i start to feel hopeless. I know i probably need a therapist or psychiatrist to help me professionally, but im afraid of them.","my depression keeps getting worse, and i want to stop pushing away the people i love.",1 +988,"me M(19) single i have good, supportive , loving,parents a sister that i love good friends (tbh could'nt ask for more ) i go out with friends , i goo to gym daily ,play video games ,i play sports and that moment i enjoy those things but when iam alone ,by myself (for example in shower or taking a bus ride from school to home )deep down i feel sad , empty and kinda lost its like someting is missing i have every thing a teenager could ever ask for but iam not happy in a way though .......cant find what is this plz some one tell me what is this feeling that comes up every npw and then?",What is this feeling...is this depression?,1 +989,"As the title states I cannot handle living or my mental state any longer. I am 22 and since I was a kid I have been bullied a lot throughout the years. The past few 4-5 years I have not experienced bullying but extreme loneliness. I have tried everything to make friends and get a life but everything is unsuccessful. I was never able to talk to girls either but somehow 3 years ago I met one and we fell in love but we broke up recently and a lot due to me not having a life and being able to make friends but during this time she was the only thing motivating me to keep going. We promised each other to always remain friends and we did for a while but 1 month ago she cut of all contact with me after some fights and disagreements. I have tried getting her back as a friend by she just ignores a my texts. I was already severely depressed the past few months about my loneliness and this just made it even worse. I hate when people say it always becomes better, even though I want to believe it and I did for a while I can’t anymore because it has been disproven my entire life. I don’t see a future where anything will become better and I don’t see any solutions any longer, everything feels hopeless and I view myself as useless and pathetic. I get panic attacks constantly during the day and I can’t take it anymore. I just want to disappear and not have to feel this any longer. I know that no one would notice if I disappeared and it would not impact anyone’s life that much. I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. I hate my life.",This is unbearable,1 +990,Normal. Damn I can actually express emotions and feel a sense of positivity.,Alcohol + caffeine + serotonin deficiency =,1 +991,"I’m pretty sure this has been posted a million times here before. But I just feel like I’m done with life and I’m only 24, and no matter what it is I’m doing I’m either feeling anxious or depressed as they do come hand in hand. I don’t enjoy hanging out with family or friends, I’d rather be alone but when I’m alone and at home I feel useless and depressed. I’m too tired to even explain in detail but I’m sure you all know this feeling. And I do know the steps to get out of this rut but that effort needed is draining itself … people that don’t go through this are so lucky. I’m just feeling numb and depressed and I don’t wanna do anything about it.",Life is depressing,1 +992,"I have been severely depressed since I was in elementary. I am in college now. I never intended to make it this far. I truly didn’t see myself making it past 16. And now here I am, years later, wasting away because I didn’t plan for this. + +I don’t know what stopped me. My life feels so disposable right now. I have no job prospects after I graduate next year. No experience under my belt. No passion in what I’m studying or doing with my life. There is nothing in the long run that’s keeping me here. + +I want to believe it’s the people in my life but the happiness they give me is only temporary. I can’t depend on them forever to keep me up. I can no longer support myself. I have nothing. + +I never sought professional help because I don’t have the resources to. No money, no proper insurance, no support from family. Nothing. I am so lost and scared. I really need help. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",I am past my expiration date.,1 +993,"I may cuss I’m sorry if I do that’s what the nsfw is for. Anyway so I’ve had a job as a cook for the last year about. They overlooked the. Tiny musical note tattoo that’s on my face to hire me. Then new manager comes thru and I’m gone same day. Cause it’s company policy no facial or hand tattoos. I have both. They still hired me and I was told many times in their hardest worker. Anyway. Along with that my moms sick she has a few terminal illnesses. And I don’t have any friends anymore cause I got fired. No one has even asked how I’m doing of those ex coworkers. I have a job interview today. But I can’t get out of this funk like I cannot get out of my own head that this is just what I deserve for the things I did when I was younger. I just deserve to suffer and somewhat loath myself. I kicked a drug habit and moved and yea being sober is actually awesome. But, being lonely like so lonely that I got love money scammed out of most of my savings. That desperation of wanting just a friend just not to be alone forever. Not to hate every thing about myself everyday when I wake up and have to look myself in the mirror. If this breaks rules I apologize I read them and didn’t see anything bad about this post. I just need help I don’t know what to do anymore. I also have other disorders and circumstances that make me getting this help much much more difficult.",Don’t know what to do,1 +994,"Please help me. + +I am so exhausted. For as long as I can remember, probably from about 5 years old, I have been hideous. + +I was an extremely shy kid and had selective mutism, so I was always self conscious. I just can’t remember not being this way. When I started elementary school, kids would constantly comment on my looks. They compared me to skeletons, zombies, and dead bodies. The few friends I had were told “Don’t be friends with her, she’s too ugly for you, you can do so much better.” I wasn’t allowed to sit with anyone in the cafeteria in middle school and I had to stay in the library away from everyone. People left notes in my locker calling me all sorts of names. In high school people just ignored me and I was so lonely. Then at home my parents would occasionally get angry and call me a lazy pig. + +I know people have had it worse, so the worry of me being too dramatic makes it even more unbearable. + +I’m going to graduate college soon. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship, any men have just taken advantage of me. However I am extremely lucky to have a few supportive friends who have tried to help me. + +Since less people actively hurt me nowadays, I expected this to get better. But if anything it’s getting worse. My nose is crooked, my lips are uneven, one of my eyes is smaller than the other. I have crooked teeth despite constantly wearing my retainer. My skin is horrible and I have this weird skin discolouration resembling a mustache that I have never been able to get rid of. + +I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been to therapy, I have tried body neutrality, meditation, anything you can think of. Nothing helps. I spend my days obsessing over my looks and my nights crying myself to sleep. I alternate between staring at myself for hours trying to figure out what I did to deserve to be this ugly, to having to shower in the dark and avoiding mirrors because I can’t stand to look at myself. It is utterly exhausting to hate myself this much. + +I know deep down looks aren’t everything. But being pretty would be so much easier. I don’t understand why I was dealt these cards, why I have these disgusting genes. I know other people suffer from this, but they all have redeeming qualities. I am a monster. And I need to be beautiful. I can’t stand anything else anymore. + +I’m sure this post is all over the place and I apologize, it’s just another one of those nights that I can’t even think straight because I’m so preoccupied with hating myself. I’ve come on Reddit as a last hope because I don’t know how to move on from this. If anyone has any advice or suggestions about what to do please let me know. I’m begging for any relief.",I am so ugly that it is ruining my life.,1 +995,it just took me 3 hours to read and understand 30 slides of my lecture in a course that i wanted to do. I have no clue how to get this done until my exam,I can't focus at all on anything,1 +996,I hate myself and I don’t even know why at this point. I just hate myself and I wish I was someone else. I don’t know who I want to be I just don’t want to live this life anymore.,I hate myself,1 +997,"So im in therapy right now and i really enjoy it. I need my doctor to fill out a document so my insurance will pay for my therapy. +I alreasy got diagnosed with depression so thats what i told my doctor. +He just asked about how much time i woulf spend on my smartphone (?) and that thats the reason why im depressed. +And tbh i didnt corrected him because i didnt felt comfortable from the start to talk to this man, who i see about 1 time a year, about my mental health. + +After that he just prescribed me without anything anti depressants?! Says i schould just take them and im totally overwhelmed with the situation. Schould i?",My doctor just prescribed me anti-depressants and i dont know what to do,1 +998,Anyone had vitamin c deficiency and how long did it take for supplementation to affect depression?,Vitamin c deficiency?,1 +999,I've been told have this or that personality trait but all I see in myself is emptiness.,"Ever feel like you've been depressed for so long, you can't imagine not being depressed?",1 +1000,"I lost my mind over a girl. I can't seem to stop thinking about her. All of my ""friends"" are choosing her over me. I have no one here to support me. I don't know what to do. She is driving me insane. I just feel like life is not worth it. I have nothing to live for. Please, someone help me. I'm losing my mind over this. How do I stop thinking about her. Please, anything will help.",Please someone help me,1 +1001,"Was feeling very low , not feeling like working and sleeping most of the time , feeling worth less and very lonely... wasn't able to deal with it. + +Then i went for a Tantra massage for an hour , + +I felt touched, someone is making effort to make me happy... Touch of a skin on my body was triggering happy hormones... Finally i was on receiving end , getting nacked in front of someone is kinda of excepting who and what you're, no body shaming. + +It's not an optimal or ethical solution but for time being... I am feeling happy and high sprit. + +I want to know/ check with my fallow group members... Have you been to this situation any time and what you did ? + +Is that a right or wrong move? + +I haven't done it in past . + +Note: No kind of sex was involved in it or any orgasms/ ejaculation.",Was feeling very low and went for one hour tantra massage.,1 +1002,"Autistic with ADHD. 37, No family of my own or relationships, moved back with aging parents because isolation became too much to the point I started planning my suicide. + +I have nothing in my life but work, my job pays the bills. And after I finish my 9-5, I work on a couple of projects that are both artificially keeping me alive because they give me some goal or purpose but at the same time are killing me because between my job and this I spend around 14 hours a day frying my brain in front of a computer. + +I used to be in shape, but I have relinquished that part of me as well since it serves no purpose anymore. I gave up on relationships, dating and love, and it is a waste of time and effort since I invest that energy on my projects or resting, and well my best years are behind me and entropy is doing its thing anyway. + +This past week I had a terrible migraine but I pushed through, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have an aneurysm or something soon.","I am working myself to death, purposely.",1 +1003,"Throw away account for this. Myself M15 almost turning 16 had a fight with my mum yesterday and it got physical. I can't exactly remember who hit first but it got to the point that hands were on one another and spitting was involved. My mum had been charged 50 dollars for something on her credit card and I had asked her to buy something for 10 dollars. It turns out the currency was off on the thing I wanted to purchase. She then bought it up to me and to me it seemed like she was yelling. I have always been quite sensitive to yelling and I always take it really personally. After we had the conversation, mid way through I went to my room and locked it so I could breath because I was really stressed out. She then came from the living room into my room, bashing the door open and breaking my lock, breaking my door as well, it fell of the hinge. She came into my room while I was crying and was yelling at me. I told her to get out with swearing involved because I was really stressed out and upset. She then wouldn't and she kept getting right up into my face as if she was going to start throwing hands at me. I then was starting to involve talks of myself going to hurt myself, she then said that she doesn't know what I was on about and got really defensive. I then said can you just give me 5 minutes to breath and then I will come speak with her, after going back and forward for about 15 minutes she finally left me alone and I shut my door and dragged my dresser in front of it. I then had a full on panic attack for a solid 15 minutes and I could barely breath and I was smacking my head onto my wall and on my desk. She then came back to my room after she had sit in the lounge and listen to it all happen while she was sitting there watching TV. She came back and was back into a calm state herself which is quite a normal thing for her and she came in my room and comforted me. I kept breaking into tears while she was talking to my cat. After the situation she calmed me down after about 30 minutes of a continued panic attack. + +&#x200B; + +Today I feel really scared still, although she said that she was sorry for it. I still feel really scared to be around her and I feel really sick after she spat on me and I am hurting still really bad after she hit me. + +&#x200B; + +I am currently on Setrona, anti-depressant, and I have been diagnosed with depression and I also have an anxiety disorder. I also have really bad trust issues and this has really ruined my trust with her. I am absolutely shattered and I have no idea what to do.",My mum and me had a physical fight/argument last night and I'm scared,1 +1004,I am sad. Permanently. I don’t know why. I have a family and a good job. I tried psychotherapy but I didn’t feel good after the sessions. I cried a lot. I also tried meds and I didn’t feel good taking pills. I tried different meds and still no effects. I put a lot of effort into my mental health… What else can I do? I don’t want to suffer.,I don’t know what’s wrong with me,1 +1005,With hot weather approaching.. can’t necessarily wear a hoodie anymore. I hate my noodle arms. I’m 140 lbs 5’11 (yes skinny af I know). I want to start working out but have 0 motivation. Too anxious to go to a public gym. I constantly get skinny shamed. Things like “you need to eat a cheeseburger” “well if you’d eat you’d gain weight” “your skinny as a pretzel” “skin and bones” “skeleton” etc etc. I could go on for days with the amount of things people have said about me being skinny. I’m over it. I have a super fast metabolism and I literally eat 3-5 meals plus snacks a day. I’m just so tired of being skinny and being shamed for it. I feel like a lump of bones with skin. At least people have convinced me that’s all I am…,Noodle arms 🫠 / Skinny Shaming,1 +1006,"Hello + +I've been having this issue for years now and it seems to make everything worse than it should be. + +I've been trying to reach out for help for 7 years now (I'm 21 now). I've been trying to tell my mom what's happening, telling her why I can't seem to get out of bed for days on end sometimes, telling her that I need help, and everytime the conversation happens it feels like she finally gets what I'm saying. She never does. Everytime she gets upset at me she asks why I'm always in bed, why a person my age is always tired and never really doing anything or going anywhere, and Everytime it just makes me feel both worse and insane. I've straight up told her that I've thought/attempted suicide before and all she had to say was ""oh really?"" in a tone that suggested that I didn't have it hard enough to do that. + +I don't understand why she keeps doing this, why she keeps asking me what's wrong when I've told her a thousand times. It's making me feel like I'm making everything up, that I'm going crazy. If anyone went through something like this and has some tips or anything that could help, please please tell me. I don't know what to do at this point, I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.",Why can't my mom see that I'm depressed?,1 +1007,"I was wondering if anybody has had nausea with one SSRI but not with some other one? + +I am taking Zoloft and nausea is pretty bad, even with the one half of 50 mg tablet. I dont know if switching SSRIs would be beneficial or this side effect would remain the same? + +What is interesting is that I have taken Zoloft 15 yeras ago with absolutely no issues at at all, and now I feel like I am taking a poison. I don't understand this at all. + +Thanks!",need help with SSRI nausea,1 +1008,"So, I can't anymore. I didn't think I would get here. I hope it won't be a long post. Thank you in advance. +F(26) I've always been the soul of the party, the kind of person you love to be around. Always joking, with super positive energy. Few people know what I'm like in my spare time, and that in fact there isn't a day when I don't wish to die. +If someone can understand that I feel alone since I was little. I have always sought to be seen, appreciated, respected. +My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. Since then, the relationship with my father has not been, because he is the most lying person I know. All my life he just promised me things and never kept his word. Now he has his family, which he does not take care of. Her children live with him, but they actually live like I did. My mother was always away in another country. He tried to compensate for the fact that all his life he ran after the perfect man and thus he neglected me. He never chose me. To want to move together to do something new 2. She chose men who, I'm sorry, did to her. And I had to grow up with my grandparents. With my grandfather always beating my grandmother. I saw all kinds of arguments, fights, scandals and everything that a child should not see. I always grew up with words like ""you're not good for anything, you don't know how to do anything, you're like my mom, you're like tactu"" My mother has 2 brothers, who are super narcissists. That they gave me a juice when I was younger ""they raised me"". Grandma raised the men of the family as if everything was theirs. And my mother and I always had to do everything. From food, cleaning, money... Everything. No, they are men and we are women. Ever since I was little, I used to fight with everyone, because I was always different. I don't consider that my purpose is to find a man, to have a child and that's...as my family wants. I always wanted more. Because of this, my jobs were not exactly easy either. I was a team leader at 19, and it still wasn't enough, although no one in the family did more than me... +My grandfather died 2 years ago, and since then the family fell apart even more. My mother left again to another country, after her boyfriend who is my age and treats her worse than anything.. and I stay at home with my grandmother, who is also mean. +I tried everything, to meditate, to go to a psychologist, to stop thinking about all the things. Anything... +I feel alone, abandoned. As everyone sees their life, I remain here behind, worthless, with nothing. I have nothing. Not a day goes by that I don't think I want to die... Thank you.",there is no day when I don't want to die,1 +1009,my depression is leaking out to people. they all know I'm in a bad mood. i hate myself. i don't want to exist. kill me.,i want to die put a bullet in my head,1 +1010,In childhood i had a great voice but after puberty it became very deep. Now iam 20 yo male. The voice is so deep that i have to put lot of effort to be heard in a place which has any background noise. My friends also point out that its too deep. I wish my voice had more sharpness/pitch. I want my voice to be heard and it to sound pleasant.,my voice is soo deep how to improve,1 +1011,"I have to tell someone, I have to live if I can't talk to someone I know I'll die soon. I need advice or inspiration to tell my friends. Please I can't die.",I need to tell someone,1 +1012,I am 31 I soon to be 32. I studied two bachelors's degree consequently to escape working. Now i realize that i destroyed my future. I have never planned my future. I am currently mooching off from my elder brother and my mother. I am also now in deep depression. I am so insecure and have zero confidence that it takes massive amount time to open a thread and make a comment. I realize that I have missed so many thing in my life and hate myself for it.,I started to hate myself,1 +1013,"I find it tedious, wake up with nothing to do, no reason to be alive, all the goals seem meaningless. What’s the point of going to bed if I just wake up again to feel the same, empty, sometimes I don’t even wish for a gf or anything of the sort, just someone to talk to, I find them and three things happen, I either push them away because I’m not good at anything else, they loose interest, or just leave, but almost every time I fuck shit up.",I don’t enjoy being awake or alive,1 +1014,"I know, deep down I know that I have problems, that I have depression. But the loudest majority of my mind says it's all fake. That I just need to get a hold of myself and I'll be better but I don't so it's just my fault. I feel so scared to even say anything to anyone. I'm not the sad one. I'm not supposed to be sad. How can I be a halfway decent role model for my younger brothers if I've spent all my adult life jobless and friendless at my parents house. I feel like such a phony in every sense. Just keeping the mask on for everyone around me and then crying in bed when I'm alone. Even when I try to make friends online I'm ignored or get overwhelmed just trying to message someone. I feel so small and broken but I have to be the older brother. What am I supposed to do just leave them with our awful parents? It's not like I'd have anywhere to go anyway, they probably haven't kicked me out because I clean the place and raise their kids. I'm 23 and it feels like my life will end before it will ever begin and I'm too scared to even admit it to myself. I don't even know where to begin with therapy. Kind words are appreciated I just. I just need something to help me feel not as worthless as I do right now.",Feel hopeless,1 +1015,"Three people keep me alive: Mom, Dad, and my friend and landlord (until he makes it on Broadway.) One day the parents will die, and my landlord will have a big hit on Broadway, and I will no longer need my heart, lungs, brain, etc. Just won’t need it anymore.",I Have To Stay Alive,1 +1016,"I'm 28 right now and I graduated from college in the Fall 2017 with a bachelors degree in psychology and after realizing I wasn't going to do much with that degree as I've completely lost interest in that field. Since 2018, I have been working as a part-time student advisor making less than $20k annually as I was very undecided about the direction my life was going to go and it was like this for 2 years until I decided to return to college to take prerequisite courses for graduate school so that I can get into a data science graduate program. + +I'm currently in my program right now and I have been keeping a 4.0 GPA and this gives me a lot of hope but I've noticed that some of my friends (including my love interest) make much more money than I do and have their own places. My love interest told me that I will eventually get out of my situation and we still had very passionate sex when I last visited him and we exchanged our gratitudes for each. + +But its like, I'm very disappointed at myself for allowing myself to be where I am today. If I had known from the beginning just how much my socioeconomic status would affect my prospective friendships/relationships, I would have taken things more seriously and considered a field that was more lucrative when I was an undergrad.",Feel like a loser because of how broke I am at almost 30 years old,1 +1017,"my doctor is talking about a counsellor referral and meds (ssri’s). i dont want to take meds, im scared of the side effects and such, especially when stuff like weight gain and low libido are super common side effects. i know if i experience that i will become so much worse (because i have experienced that). can i be better with just counselling or will i need medicine? im sorry if this is silly , i don’t know anyone who’s on them i have no one to turn to",i dont want meds,1 +1018,"I used to hurt myself with a purpose but now i do it just because, wondering if one day I’ll be able to bring it to a point of no return because i feel so pathetic for hurting myself without a purpose atleast if i try to commit suicide theirs a purposw but for some reason i dont wanna die but i do and its so hard to explain. I either care to much or not at all, im so angry all the time its like the moment i feel anything negative ir turns into anger and i hurt everyone around me and the worst thing about it is i have a small circle of people that care and i wish they didnt so it was easier to live with the way i feel. I don’t have any friends though but i ruined those friendsships, somedays i care and somedays i dont. But i dont have anyone to talk to so thats why im writing here and im not sure what im looking for by doing this so what is the point really. I dont know 😔",I dont knwo what to do anymore,1 +1019,"im not depressed i dont think i just have some really big problems going on and i hate my life so much, I really want to die but I don't want to feel pain or anything cos that would suck, so I was thinking would a lethal overdose on some sort of drug be painless or would it hurt?",I need to know if this would be a painless way to go,1 +1020,I feel so empty and I just don’t know where to turn now.,Where can I get some guidance?,1 +1021,It's like you feel like you're doing things but then anytime anything doesn't work how it should it creates internal chaos with 0 way of processing without a breakdown. Or maybe it's just me.,Something I don't hear talked about a lot is how dysfunctional functional depression is,1 +1022,I’m trying so hard to better myself and not feel so fucking depressed but it’s hard when it feels like you have no support and nobody seems to understand. It’s hard enough having a fucked up mental but now you add everything else going on and it feels like a lot of things are just so insignificant,Fuck this,1 +1023," +I’m constantly battling with myself, day after day, I’m kinda get sick of beating myself up over not being good enough for me…. I’m working hard, but I don’t feel like I’m working hard enough on myself even the way I feel like I need to. + +I’ve gotten off my meds, but sometimes it feels like a relapse. It’s made my taste in music change, things I used to love I don’t enjoy anymore- friends: I don’t really connect with many anymore even the people I used to see I don’t see any more. My connections seem to be gone. + +The constants in my life there is maybe 4 of; my job, my family, my friends and where I live. Emotionally I’m not well. Physically I’m doing better so one thing at a time I guess. + +Fighting with myself I don’t want to do it constantly.",My every day battle,1 +1024,"I just don’t really care anymore I guess. I just hope I get some brain injury so that it causes memory loss or something a long those lines. + +Dying doesn’t sound so bad either honestly but forgetting would be way better. Then I could function again and be happy hopefully.",I wish I could get hit in the head and forget my past,1 +1025,"My friends are telling me to travel or do fun things while I hear back from the jobs I've applied to, but how can I? I'm anxious about not having a paycheck. I have no drive to do anything other than apply to jobs. I have all this free time now and even when I can't focus on job applications I'm too depressed to do anything I would actually enjoy. + +Well, I still enjoy doing yoga so not all is bleak, but that's pretty much all I have the energy to do. + +I've lost all the creativity and passion I used to have for making art, and my friends are all still working full time so I don't really have anyone to hang out with until they get out of work. I know I'm going to regret this time once I'm back to working full time and having limited time off, but I don't know how to experience joy right now.","Got laid off, and can't even enjoy the free time",1 +1026,"Eu tenho 18 anos, e nunca soube o que eu queria exatamente da minha vida, sempre tive minhas ideias, mais não pretendia chegar a os meus 18. +Eu comecei a me cortar com 16, quando a pandemia começou, eu não sei oq estava fazendo e logo minha mãe percebeu e me levou ao psicólogo, eu fiz terapia e tomei remédios pata melhorar. Infelizmente descontinuei minha medicação, de antidepressivo e sonífero por não ter dinheiro, e acabei tendo a pior ou melhor ideia possível. Tentei me suicidar com 17, e serio, eu nunca pensei que minha vida chegaria onde chegou, pq mesmo eu tentando melhorar, eu ainda achava que era ruim alguém como eu poder se sentir feliz mais uma vez. +Eu sobrevivi, mais a troco de que? Eu não tenho nada para fazer aqui, e eu sou uma inútil, pq logo eu teria uma segunda chance? Só digo que quanta mais eu pioro, mais me vem a ideia de que eu não quero morrer, eu mereço, mais não quero. Eu esperaria, se soubesse que tem algo pra mim no futuro. +Vejo meus antigos colegas de escola indo trabalhar, fazendo faculdade e criando uma família, mais eu ainda sou uma garota de 16. Que não cresceu, que não cresce com o tempo. A ideia que eu tenho é que eu já morri, mais estou tentando alcançar a luz, a luz da minha cova, que eu mesma cavei, eu deveria estar morta, pq eu ainda insisto em querer viver?",Cavei minha própria cova,1 +1027,"I cut myself today, i saw the wound that i inflicted on myself, had my very first panic attack and now i still feel nauseous +I dont even feel real anymore, no one talks to me and at the same time i cant talk to anyone because of this goddamn social anxiety shit its been 3 years and i still havent changed one bit. The school work is piling up and im so tired of trying to get through every single week, i promised myself to get into guitar so i can be proud of myself for once but i dont even have the motivation to learn. Im fucking stupid and if my classes werent mostly in google meet then i would have failed school already. I feel so pathethic and if i talk to my best friend about my loneliness she would just say ""its because you don't talk!"" I know she says that as a joke but it hurts me every single time, it makes me feel incapable, it makes me feel like its my fault and i already believe that. If my suicide attempt worked then i wouldve been gone for 3 years. God everyday i wish to get hospitalized or get hit by a fucking car already, i just want a break from all of this.",my life probably going downhill starting today,1 +1028,"My depression started fairly young into my pre-teen years, therefore it was really difficult to envision a future for myself, and if I’m being honest, I never expected to live past 18. + +Now I am approaching my mid-20’s and I’m just now realizing how much self-sabotage this has caused me. I feel so far behind in life now, I didn’t care about my studies back then, or my social life, or my finances, or my skillset or even experiences. I just let things pile up and I now burn out easily because of it. I enrolled back into college but can’t power through it. + +I’m currently just rotting in bed all day, hoping I find the strength one day to just tackle my abandoned life head on. I’ve tried cutting off all my addictions but I just end up sleeping all day when I do. A part of me does want to get better, I’m letting down my gf and my studies(again). If anyone happens to have guidance or words of encouragement please reach out…",Didn’t expect myself to live this long? Now what?,1 +1029,Im in a certain blood set and most of my friends are in jail. I myself was thinking of going to jail too. I don't value myself. I joined the set because I was protecting someone close to me from another gang because they threatened to hurt them. I'm going to accept the consequences if I carry out the mission on my own but it does suck. My best friends are Gone possibly forever. My day ones. I still have a couple around but it's not the same you know. No female can replace a bond between my friend group. They were my niggas lol but yeah I'm only 18 and kinda willing to throw my life away already. My heart feels so cold everyday. From drug addiction to doing shit in the streets. From being abandoned at a young age to being homeless with my family. From people always looking down on me and the darkness I surrounded myself with. I despise humans besides my best friends and my family. I hate people. I'm ready to go I really don't care if I live or die. It's crazy because even my therapist told me at a young age I'd be a threat to society anyways. I'd be afraid to admit she was right. Materialistic things don't matter to me. I feel as if almost my only purpose is living for my gang. I don't feel happy ever. I just hate everyone and everything. I'm ready to go. I miss my friends. goodbye.,All my friends are in jail and I'm thinking of crashing out,1 +1030,Just stop with the negative thoughts and feelings. Just leave my mind in peace for once. Leave me alone.,I wish my brain would leave me alone,1 +1031,"My dad died in 2018 when I was 16, and since then I’ve been pretty much emotionally numb. Lately I’ve been starting to feel hints of emotions but they’re usually fleeting. I just cried today after being depressed about ending up alone on Friday night. I couldn’t stop looking at pictures of my dad and crying. I miss him so much I just want to talk to him. It hurts so badly to know I’ll never get that chance again. Can someone tell me it’ll all be ok? + +Sorry for bad grammar and everything I just really don’t care rn.",I’ve finally cried sober for the first time in years,1 +1032,How painful is it and what are the chances of dying from it,Is serotonin syndrome painful?,1 +1033,"When I don't exercise regularly, my mental health takes a nose dive. When I don't push myself to go into social settings and interact with others, especially friends, semi-regularly, my mental health takes a nose dive. When I don't push myself to switch up my routine, it happens and it happens when I have no routine. It happens when I don't get enough sleep, when I don't spend enough time outside and the list goes on. It's exhausting. And while a lot of these habits/things are enjoyable in the moment, once I push past my ""but I don't wanna"" inner toddler brain, I'm so sick of having to do so much all the time just to maintain ""okay"".And truth be told, lately, I haven't. Life has been unnecessarily shitty and I've had to make so many decisions and compromises on big things like my job and living situation that I crumpled. And I know working out would make a much bigger difference to my mood right now than writing this post, but I'm sick of everything. Why does life insist on being such a shit show? + +Update: After writing this, briefly texting with a redditor, who was kind enough to reach out to ask if I'm okay and feeling my feelings for a bit (aka crying), I put on my workout clothes and got it over with. It didn't do much right then and there, but I also went to bed on time, to get a proper night's rest and I woke up feeling a little better. So, up and onwards I go until the next time I veer off track managing myself. Because there really isn't an alternative. I know how low I get, when I throw in the towel and don't pick it back up again quickly enough. ",I'm so tired of trying to be okay.,1 +1034,"How’s anyone else make riding out their depression spells easier? + +(outside of meds, therapy, and other medical treatments. just day to day, esp when any energy you may have had is long since gone, and in that fun start of numbness)",dealing with depressikn,1 +1035,"I am a Med student who is struggling a lot with anxiety and depression, I haven’t went to a therapist yet but I am planning to soon, however I am feeling guilt that maybe instead I should spend more time on studying or find ways to improve my academic performance (because it’s not well and is partially the reason I am depressed). +Anyways in conclusion I am wondering should I first deal with my mental health or my academics ? +(I have also been suicidal that’s probably important to mention.)",Should I focus on my mental health first or my academic studies ?,1 +1036,"I dated someone for over 10 years of my life. My entire 20s. I never loved anyone more. We had a falling out, our relationship became toxic and even as we tried to remain friends it didn't work. + +I cut her off last year at end of january/beginning of february. I assumed she had moved on and everything and stopped talking to me. + +Instead...she died. I suspect she took her own life. No one told me. For 13 months I held resentment towards her. I didn't want to be with her but I was upset that she had made our relationship toxic. + +Instead, she was dead. Her family did not tell me. On tuesday her mother called me to tell me the news 13 months later. I am devastated. She did not deserve to die. I am so fucking angry at myself. I knew she was sick, I knew she was suicidal and I cut her off anyway. I'm angry at her family for denying me the ability to see her funeral. I'm angry that everyone else got a year to grief together and I am dealing with this loss alone. + +I didn't message her for an entire year because I was convinced she found someone else and my pride wouldn't allow me to even say ""hi, hope all is well"". + +I feel horrendous.",I don't know how to cope with my grief,1 +1037,"So, like the title says: my boyfriend has depression. He already suffered from this even before we met. So, I knew what I was getting myself into. But I did not care because he seemed so willing to be open, to communicate (or at least try his best and give me as much as he could), happy (as much as you can be happy in a depression) to be with me and most of all he showed me so much love. + +Months have gone by since we became official. And his depression has been getting worse. I don't care, I want to be there for him all the way through everything. I love him. I would do so much for him (and I do, but I would do basically anything for him). + +But I have felt him getting less open and he doesn't communicate his thoughts and feelings at all anymore. Whenever something is bothering him or whenever he is feeling bad, I notice, I can just tell. But then when I ask him what's is going on, he always says ""nothing"" (and then continues to show behaviour that clearly shows he is feeling some type of way). Whenever I do push through to have a conversation with him, he gets really quiet and doesn't answer most of my questions, and if he does it is usually a one-word-answer. + +He isn't happy about anything anymore. Not even about me, I think. There used to be a time where he made me feel special, wanted, loved. Now he gets annoyed or even mad if I say or do anything wrong (when all I want to do is help him). I am distraught. I love him more than anything. I can not handle the heartbreak it would give me to lose him. We are so far in together. We had (have) plans for the future. But without him actively showing me love and trying to communicate, I just feel like I am giving him so much of myself but not getting enough back. + +He says he has no time to work on everything. +Granted, he has his education and work. Which is already tiring for him, especially living with depression, an anxiety disorder and an ED. + +I guess the conclusion is that he has no room for this relationship anymore. But due to me being selfish, I can't bring myself to break up with him.",My (21F) boyfriend (21M) has depression and it is affecting our relationship.,1 +1038,"Hello, all. Thank you for taking the time to listen! I recreantly have been on a weight loss journey and have lost roughly 100 pounds in 3 months. I did this by exercising for a few hours a day and being careful of what I eat or drink. + +These last two weeks though, I have been bingeing and eating like there is no tomorrow. An adventure that is driving me insane and, honestly, depressed. I still work out and such. During the daytime I am happy and on cloud-9; the feeling that anything is possible and the world is my oyster. At night though, I get depressed and always have these cravings for sugary food. Even though I do not want the food, I end up indulging. + +I hate myself for doing this. I do not want to go back to being overweight moreso than I currently am. Does someone have any tips or suggestions for my conundrum?",Help with new eating pattern!!!,1 +1039,"The results: not a damn thing changed. They asked, listened to the response, and left. that question means literally nothing lmao.","as a lil experiment, i decided to start answering ""no"" to ""are you ok?""",1 +1040,"both depression and mental exhaustion or burnout share a lot of the same things: + +\- no energy to do things + +\- bad sleep + +\- not in the mood to do things + +\- a very bad memory and not able to remember things + +\- not being capable of having fun because you feel so tired + +\- you want to do things but are just not able to do so cause you feel so crappy + +\- getting angry or irritated at everything and everyone + +how did you know that you were/are depressed and not just mentally exhausted or burned out? + +I learned that a depressed person might still want to do things but feel so tired and don't enjoy the things they wanna do or used to enjoy. + +i had some kind of medical form with a lot of questions and the result is that i have a very high score on distress and depression, but depression can cause high distress symptoms and high distress can cause depression symptoms. + +Anyone who can share some information? + +Ps, they claim i am clinically depressed for a few years now but i don't wanna die (i also don't care if i live or die. If i die then so be it).",how did you know that you were/are depressed and not just mentally exhausted or burned out?,1 +1041,"I don’t deserve to transfer colleges. + +I have a scholarship at my current institution and it’s politically more healthy and accepting than the one I want to go to. + +The one where I’m transferring to isn’t as good but I have a friend group and we’re very warm. The politics of some members bother me though. + +I don’t deserve this. + +I have a scholarship ffs at my institution. + +What’s driving me away is the imminent threat of violence should I speak up about the abuse I endured at the church I grew up in which also has a branch at my university. + +I wanna die. + +Either high out of state costs with less accepting people but very warm and tight knit friends nonetheless or in state with more accepting environment but no friends and a gun on the back of my head in the mirage of “acceptance and environment”",I’m sad.,1 +1042,"I know it just comes with trauma that I have no idea how to compact, and I feel so behind.. + +I live at home with my mom because of student loans from a degree I had to drop out of because her credit score wasn't good enough, and neither was mine. I now sit with 80k in student debt and only 20k would be gone if Biden finally wipes away student debt.. + +My mom right now has been more anxiety inducing than before. I get it, I'm overweight, I have mental health issues, need some sun and a better job, but it doesn't help when she berates and complains about it daily and comparing me to others. + +I barely eat as it is, and while she serves unhealthy food as well, she gets mad that I'm not eating healthy and moving like a fucking swan. I'm like 200 lbs full of anxiety, different kinds of odd combinations of grass and veggies in some green smoothies that tastes like eating someone's ass that hasn't showered for 3 years. Still gets mad that I eat unhealthy when she makes it and it's literally all we have. + +She gets mad that I don't spend time with her at all and prefer to hang out with my friends that are online. She tells me I look ugly and I should look better in clothes that look ugly on me as it is. + +Literally, she treats me just like my older brother did minus the sexual abuse I endured for 14 fucking years (which ended when I was 26 by leaving to art school and finally having a way to make it end by severing ties with him (well he did it with me) + +Being yelled at because I get anxious or depressed isn't a way to help someone unpack trauma nor help them get motivated about doing better. + +It's gotten so bad I can't focus on anything very well. I don't even have privacy to go and study to be a data analyst in Coursera because school is really expensive nowadays and i don't have the time to be able to go. + +I feel really stuck. + +And I know many people are gonna say it's procrastination and I get it might be, but it stems from an overflowing and ever-changing amounts of anxiety and depression that has never stopped. I can't afford therapy because that shit isn't covered, nor can I drive to one because I don't have a car nor do I have the money to pay for an Uber drive weekly along with whatever fee therapy comes with.bi also never have privacy so I can't do at home therapy. I have so little privacy my mom barges in and tries to talk to me even though I tell her I'm in a literal meeting. But if I try to set boundaries or do things myself I'm called an asshole... It's so much thrown at me I feel like I just freeze and just sit and do nothing because that's better than sitting with her and possibly be yelled and berated at for my weight for the umpth time even though she's heavy and diabetic herself. + +Yeah.. + +My live sucks right now...",(31f) I hate my life,1 +1043,"I do it all the time when I'm around people. Obviously. But sometimes I catch myself smiling when I'm all alone, and when I think about how I'm feeling, I'm neutral at best. + +So why tf am I smiling? Anyone else experienced this? Can anyone tell me why?",You guys ever catch yourself smiling when you're not happy?,1 +1044,"i dread when the sun goes down. because i’m officially all alone without anyone to keep me company, to keep me out of my head. normally i sleep pretty well, despite it all. i get to bed pretty okay. but for the last week, super vivid dreams have been causing me to wake up anxious and feeling like i barely slept. and what do i do to stop it? just sleep more! i haven’t woke up before 4:00 in the evening for the last week. i just don’t know what to do anymore. when i am up, if no one is around or i’m not on the phone with someone, i just cry. i cry and dwell on how crappy everything is right now. then i progress to berating myself for throwing pity parties all the time, or how hateful i’m starting to get with others in my sheer exhaustion. i’m sick of this. i just want it to stop.",feel like crap tonight,1 +1045,"This might sound like an exaggeration but I'm being dead serious when I say I have not felt properly awake in months and it's awful. I don't know why I feel this way but its majorly impacting my life. I usually sleep for 15 hours a day and those other 9 hours are just me forcing myself to stay awake until I physically can't anymore. I've tried everything, I started working out and have lost 20 pounds since the year started and I still don't feel energized. I had to switch to online school due to several factors, but one of them was my inability to make it through the school day because I was just so tired that I couldn't function. I drink dangerous amounts of caffeine on the daily but even that doesn't help. I don't know what to do but feeling this way just makes me extremely suicidal. Being awake is painful.",I'm tired all the time,1 +1046,"So, I (20f) became friends with this guy (27m) about a year ago. We get along well and talk mostly everyday. Of course there are days when he's not really active and vise versa and I completely understand that. In the past he's voiced not wanting to be alive and it worried me but his mood seemed to lift afterwards. Well, recently he started venting about life and told me he's contemplating killing himself. His mom's sick, he's the only one supporting his family financially and he's a single dad. I tried to do my best to listen and let him know I'm there for him but I'm still worried about him. I don't feel like anything I'm doing is enough. So I guess my question is how can I best help my friend.",How do I help my depressed friend?,1 +1047,"Does anyone that currently hasn't had a job ever feel like they are useless? I graduated from University in 2022 (maybe it was 2021, Covid messed up my sense of time) to get a bachelors degree in Culture, Literature, and the Arts, but I am stuggling REALLY HARD to find a job. I don't necessarily need a job in that specific profession, but I do want a job that will at least make life manageable so I can eventually get my own place and move out of my parents basement. I've worked a temp job at my old University, but never had a ""real"" job where they wouldn't get rid of me after a couple of months. Right now I havent been able to find a good job that my parents will accept, and I feel like it is tearing me apart on the inside watching my friends and siblings move on in their lives while i'm struggling so far behind them, I honestly don't know what to do. I've cried about this before, on many occasions. It feels like my anxiety issues crush the soul out of me that I struggle everyday to get out of bed. Has anybody else dealt with this? How did you overcome it?",Job Hunting Related Depression,1 +1048,"How can I help alleviate all of this depression I’m going through. It’s hard for me to leave the house or do the things I love without someone taking me and getting me out. Also, I keep putting it all on my partner and I can tell it’s a lot for them to see me like this everyday. If anyone can help I would appreciate it. I’m scared of how it may be ruining who I am as a person and sometimes I think it would be easier to just self sabotage or worse.",Putting my depression on others,1 +1049,I've been fighting with my mom often. It's taking a big toll on the both of us and I've recently started to think that she might be right about how I am selfish and horrible to her. I'm so tired of things at this point and has thought of ending things multiple times. Telling her how I feel and think never is possible because I get so scared. I'm such a bad person where I can't even respect my mom but also so useless as I get to scared to end things.,I'm a horrible person.,1 +1050,"i really hate myself so much, like i’m basically the worst… it’s impossible for me to even keep friends they always end up hating me like why can’t i just be normal like everyone else? my mind just spirals making me think about stuff i don’t want to and making me more and more depressed which then ends up making people i talk to hate me which then makes everything even worse like what’s even the point of my existence",i hate myself,1 +1051,"I’m a failure, all my high school friends graduated college and have a partner. Meanwhile I’m 24 almost 25 with no college degree still trying to finish college. The person I fell in love with doesn’t love me back. Theres more to it but I don’t want to bother anyone by having to read such a long post. I honestly think the only thing keeping me in this world is my dog. I cry every night and I keep replaying all my failures and overthinking everything. I don’t know what to do.",I think I’m done with life honestly,1 +1052,"People think I’m rude. I think I’m rude, because I look so cold, too. But the fact is that I’m too depressed and anxious to manage my facial expressions and responses. + +People think I’m weird. (I have SAD, ADHD and several other disorders which make me ‘weird’) I feel so misunderstood. I have BPD, I always feel like I’m abandoned by everyone around me. That makes me super anxious and depressed. + +I’m also anxious about many other silly things and it affects my daily life so badly. I feel like a failure. I’m really depressed. I wish I could just disappear forever. Every day I just wish that I could never wake up again. + +I wish I looked more like a normal person so people won’t notice me and talk about me.",I look so sad and cold every day.,1 +1053,My mind is killing me it switches up so fast and I don't understand why I want to be alone but can't stand it and my stress jus fucking kills me over the dumbest shit too I have no way to fix it either I drink and cut and jus can't stop sometimes I want it all to end,my anxiety is crushing me,1 +1054,i don't deserve to be alive i swear to god im such a fuck up i fucked everything in my life up i wish i could just die,vent,1 +1055,"So, at the current time in my reality, I finished school around 2 years ago and have been jobless since; I've been living with my family. The days have become dull and time-wasting- I feel like my time sleeping and dreaming is more fulfilling and lively for me, than being awake... + + +When I wake up, I turn on my computer and- if I'm not doing something with my family, I'll sit for 12-14+ hours a day- with breaks of making food and stuff... +Everything has become obscurely pointless, I feel like I'm wasting my life on ""temporary"" things... A part of me, just wants to stay in the dark and discover the vast illusion of suffering- while the other part, wants to start and become something grand. + + +I despise how society is built, everything feels so complex and demanding. Many times again, I've wished that the world was of a past era- a downgrade, if you will- where economy, complexity, orderliness, greed and money wasn't discovered. + + +Anyways, probably gonna feel better tomorrow.",Confused about reason,1 +1056,"My mortality recently hit me for real, and it's been sending me into a deep depression. Everything feels utterly pointless, because no matter how well I live, I'll die and not remember any of it. There won't be any legacy of me, since the universe itself will die in the end. Nothing has any point to it, we're just here to plug our ears and pretend that we're never going to die, despite also being certain of it. My whole life just fell apart, and now I can barely enjoy things knowing it'll all be gone. I keep mourning my friends and family, knowing everything I do with them amounts to nothing. No professional help or medication can change these things. Existence is just a prison where they dangle all these wonderful things in front of you, and then remind you that you'll be dead and none of it will have mattered. There's no afterlife, no legacy, nothing. This feels like the cruelest joke imaginable. I have zero motivation to pursue a career, knowing it's all for nothing. I can barely enjoy my hobbies, knowing they're just a distraction and won't be remembered by anyone.",Being born mortal is worse than not having been born in the first place.,1 +1057," I’m 21 f, and my mom 61 , me and her never had the best relationship going ever since maybe a kid and even more now. Growing up it hurts that your mom and dad argue violently over the phone about their relationship and who doesn’t want to keep me back and forth I would cover my ears and rock even growing up I was very very munched bullied told my mom and nothing would be done even told her as a 10 year old I wanted to unalive… ignored me even told her a lot of time growing up and I didn’t have my dad alot due to him being on drugs and in and out of prison and my mom being upset about it losing her soulmate and going to my dad they have a very very rocky relationship and marriage and they could’ve been better off divorced even. One time she and him went all out on it changing locks separated even her leaving me with my little sister for weeks to see random men she just met but took each other back my mom has bully me about my weight even called me a hoe a bitch a disappointment and how much she wants me out of her house and everything hurts my feelings even calls my undiagnosed (very much have it ) adhd a retard Thing a problem and I have adhd and tells my dad about it like I’m. Such a retard…. She even threatened me many times to put me out a girl who’s does everything she ask for went to school getting decent or good degrades first to grad high school soon college and in college to be a teacher … but she wants to put me out and everything and not my 40 year old brother who literally has nothing going for him and has the nerve to call him the better child even though they rarely get into he calls her out her name and she does too I never done that to her no matter how mad Iam ,I don’t know what I did wrong my heart hurts. I seek attention from the wrong crowd from men from anybody just to be groomed to feel all sweet and happy in my heart and All I wanted is motherly love and a healthy relationship we do then something happens and I’m getting hurt naked called fat she and more my dad sometimes agree with her and even takes her side it’s rare when he takes my side he’s even worse at times I have mental breakdowns from them and even cry myself to bed wanting a loving relationship with them. Even had a few work mothers who I enjoyed it fills a hole in my heart even because of them they call me the sweetest names and talk to me about my issues than her brushing it off even my dad calling me weak all because of this I gained age regression and find comfort from this at late nights or when I’m all very much alone",My mother treats me like shit and I keep going back,1 +1058,"For the last three years, I’ve experienced emotional detachment. It’s been so long that I forgot I have it. I have close to no emotional reactions to anything external. The only way I can make myself cry is if I’m pretending to be sad. I don’t feel anything and it makes me think I’m crazy. I don’t act numb because I fake my emotions. Even when I’m alone. I used to feel more. But now when situations occur when emotions would most likely come out, it doesn’t even feel like it’s happening to me. I could chop off all my hair and I would have no reaction. My sister got engaged and I had to fake my reaction. Whenever I hear news, it’s just like hearing words and that’s all. It doesn’t feel like I’m emotionless per se, it feels like I’m not even processing the situation in the first place. Logically, I know it’s happening but I don’t feel aware at all. Why is this? Is this depression? Am I a sociopath? I’d also like to bring up that I have been diagnosed with OCD. And I had a very emotionally abusive father at a very young age.",Emotional detachment,1 +1059,"I 24(f) have spent the last 10 years of my life in a horrible depressive state. Despite this, I have gone to university, always been a people pleaser and maintained a fairly nice life. I have a nice car, my dream job and I have bought my own house. I realise this seems so nice and it’s such a far cry from reality to say I’m struggling but honestly things couldn’t be worse. The job that was my dream feels so difficult, all I do is work all week then spend my weekends drunk. I’m trying to break this habit but it’s hard. If it hadn’t gone on so long I would think it was because of alcohol but because I have felt like this for so long I think I am just destined to feel this way. I want to die but I’m too scared. How do we go on living in this state of wanting to be the best we can but also wanting to fade away into nothing?","I think I have everything, I still don’t want to live",1 +1060,"I guess I’m a poly addict but rn it’s alcohol. I just turned 21. I’m wasting my life away drinking everyday, no job, I have one passion and it’s music but I don’t see it going anywhere. My gf is an alcoholic who blames me for her alcoholism. She asked if she could punch me in the face tonight. Called me a loser cuz I said she needed help. Idk I guess I’m just venting but I’m so lost and I feel like no one cares. My mom sends me $50 a week so I won’t bother her, that’s how I get my alcohol. I feel like such a bum loser, can’t even hold down a job let alone show up to an interview. It’s a cop out for sure but it’s because my anxiety. I get anxiety everywhere, I’m scared of shit like getting blown up Everytime I stop to fill up on gas. I’m scared of a gas line exploding at a food service place. I can’t even be outside with panic attacks that I’m gonna be struck by lightning. I just need help and idk where to turn it feels like everyone hates me or is disappointed. I feel like I won’t be here much longer I can’t deal with the anxiety or stress or apathy or anything I can’t do it anymore. I guess this is just a vent and I’m sorry if it breaks any rules but damn life is just weird and sad and I don’t get it. 21 btw if that makes a difference",Hate being sober,1 +1061,"I was already having a pretty bad day today, feeling depressed, and feeling abandoned by people I care about. I figured I'd at least find some comfort in food, so I headed to my colleges dining hall buffet and grabbed a box to put some food in for takeout. Well I spotted one of the foods I really like, hashbrown casserole but that's not really important, and started grabbing myself a decent portion. But with how layered thin it was, to get a reasonable portion, it would take more scoops because of the thinness. Well I guess one of the workers spotted how much was gone from me scooping n they made jokes with one saying ""gah damn"" when looking over at me and his work buddies laughed. One of the others said ""don't worry about it, we're glad u enjoy it"" and I usually don't care about jokes like that, but after the day I had, that was the final straw. I finished grabbing my food, went to my room n broke down. First time I had cried in months because I was getting better at managing, but once everything starts piling up, you never know what can be the gum wrapper that topples the pile.",Even the smallest things hurt,1 +1062,"I'm having really bad intrusive thoughts, well I assume they are intrusive, maybe they are just my thoughts. +I want to hurt myself. +I want to kill myself. +I want to hurt someone else. +I'm trying to distract myself. +But I'm also making an excuse in my head to go out and act on these. +Everything would be so much easier if I was dead. +I don't want to deal with this anymore.",I'm having bad intrusive thoughts.,1 +1063,"I do not know where to begin. I found out my mom has stage 2 lung cancer and we have a complicated relationship. I love her but I do not like her as a person. She was very controlling, toxic and rough. I know she had the best intentions for me but she used shame to inspire me to be what she wanted. She helped to make me a people pleaser and obsessed with my weight. I do not hate her. I love her. I hate that I am not the daughter she wanted. She is trying to be kind now but it does not come naturally to her. + +I try to visit my folks every 2 months to help out as I am several states away. I am very sad as when my folks pass, they are both in their 80’s, I will not have any family of origin. + +I get sad thinking about attending a funeral. It is not sadness. It is deeper. I do not think I would be able to get on a plane. I think about this as my mom has let me know that I have to. I told her that I do not care what other people think. That is a lie. I do care deeply what others think. + +I am crying right now. It is more than my mom being sick. I grew up being told I was fat and told that everyone was talking about me. I know she just wanted a thin daughter and did not have the tools to tell me she would love me just as I am but was concerned about my health. She would just use guilt and shame to make me feel bad. I think she wanted to inspire me with these tactics. She and my dad both had rough childhoods and did not know how to parent. They sent me to good schools, bought me everything I wanted and tried their best with the limited knowledge they had. + +Still crying and feeling hopeless. I feel that my life has been so much to please them. And I failed according to them. They are both trying very hard to be loving now. I did not receive hugs growing up and do now. + +I am rambling. I just am very sensitive. I think my self esteem is so low that I do not know how to receive love now. +Please tell me if you had a complex relationship with a parent and how you handled end of life issues. How did you cope with a dying parent who made you feel like a failure ? +How do you go on after being told how terrible you are? +Why was she so rough? +Why did it take her finding out she has cancer to hug me and tell me I look good? +Why? +Will I find happiness after she dies? +Why do I hate myself? +Why why why and thanks.",Hopeless and want Hope,1 +1064," It's just so hard. I've been trying to find a way to get better, but I just can't. + +My only goal lately has been to save money in order to move out of my parent's house. That's it. + +I just work and sleep. I miss being a kid.",I'm struggling to get a reason to keep going,1 +1065,"I feel terrible. I don’t care about life. I don’t want to care about it. I don’t want things to get better. I just want out. these feelings are becoming crippling at this point and I’m struggling to take care of myself, kids or work. I have no interest or motivation to do anything. I am so very alone. I don’t wanna talk to other people anyway because I’m just bad energy and I hate to keep bringing that to people I care about. I live because I have two daughters that I love, but that’s it. I feel stuck and hate that I have obligations like work when I can barely stop crying all day.",i am at my lowest point,1 +1066,"Today psychiatrist prescribed me antidepressants. After she asked if I would take them, I said ""maybe, but honestly I don't know if even want to get better"". Because I, to be completely fair, lost any sense in living, there's no worth in my presence on this world. Nonetheless, she said that my mind is simply trapped in this pesimistic way of thinking, and I have to believe it can and will get better using therapy and medication. + +But at this time, I do not want to. I've had a strong, suicidal episode recently. I'm waiting for it to come back and drive me to an attempt. Seriously, will these thoughts pass by or what? I have a strong sense meds won't help with that and I'm scared if they would actually work. I'll probably start taking them tomorrow. + +Can anyone share a similar experience with not wanting to get better?","Honestly, I do not want to get better",1 +1067,"I am 29 now. + +I had job, good place to stay, healthy bank balance. Everything one needs until covid hit. + +I got this loud breathing condition which can't really be fixed. I cant really perform in interviews due to this. I lost my golden job in covid period, since then i slowly accepted lower paying jobs. Everyone around me elevated to new heights in meantime I here I am broke and I have nothing left to lose. + +My heath also has taken a hit. + +If anyone got any online job opportunity please let me know. + +934nf710nmv6@gmail.com + + here is my email. Or you can PM me. + +Please don't try to scam me, I have nothing left to lose.",Slowly losing my life after covid.,1 +1068,"I really hate myself. I hate that when I get more depressed than usual, I crave external validation. It's all I can do not to seek attention from people when I feel like shit. + +I hate that I get strong crushes on people who show me genuine affection for a couple of days. + +I hate that I'm incapable of putting effort into changing my life and myself. + +I just want to be held and loved, and I hyperfixate on new people who I think care about me. I just want attention to make me feel better, and I hate it.",I hate the way I am,1 +1069,"Because it’s so obvious. Let’s face it no one likes someone who isn’t comfortable in their own skin, it’s why people gravitate towards social, enthusiastic people who love themselves, these types of people are managers, well respected individuals with families. + +I’m bright, capable, yet I’m completely and utterly held back for the simple fact I hate myself. No one wants anything to do with me, you don’t get a sympathy card in life, either you love yourself and others will want to know you, or no one gives a shit and you are a “weird, creepy quiet loser.”",The worst symptom of depression for me is low self esteem.,1 +1070,I am unattractive i’ll admit it society doesn’t view me as gorgeous or anything attractive. Society views black women as shrek monsters unless we straighten our hair or are visual mixed. It makes me mad that I’ll never be considered pretty by the mass scale. it always bothers me. I want to leave this planet so bad or die. I don’t ever want to be looked at by anyone ever again.,Fearing nothing will make me feel better,1 +1071,"i’m reminded of my depression again, with a heavy and hollow feeling in my chest. it’s like someone is sitting on me, pinning me down, rendering me unable to do anything other than lay in bed. i feel this much stronger when i have to be alone with my thoughts. or, if i’m tired. these days i find that i’m always tired.",that not so funny feeling,1 +1072,"It’s midnight. I have to get up at asscrack early tomorrow. I can’t go to sleep because of how fucking anxious I am. I feel like everyone fucking hates me and tolerates me for some reason. Maybe because they’re scared, maybe some sort of pity, I don’t know. I’m sick of being yelled at whenever I’m at home, I’m sick of it all. I can’t do this. I want out so badly but I can’t get away. I cried in school today because she screamed at me in the car. She didn’t care at all. Does anyone fucking care? People say they do, but realistically, there’s no reason. I wish people would just get it out of the way and stop being fucking pussies and just tell me if they had an issue so I could stop being a fucking burden. I’m pissed and I’m scared and I hate myself and I hate people around me and I wish I could just end it all right here and right now but I can’t because IM TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY. The closest thing I can do is starve myself and throw my guts up, which is a fun little tradition that I’ve had for over a year. Thankfully, my mother, being the kind soul she is, tells me that is bad and will make me fat. Thanks mom! I’m just so sick of this. I’m powerless and weak and I know I am and I wish I had access to a rope right now. I’ll probably forget all about this in the morning too, it’s just that today was a fucking hell day. I’m tired.",I (15F) cannot do this shit anymore. (Major TW: Suicidal talk),1 +1073,"Is it normal to think only of negative things from the past or even see the past worse than it was while depressed? + +I keep going over a certain experience from the past the lasted for 2 years but it doesn't meet the criteria of PTSD, but there was mistreatment from superiors and bullying from other colleagues but it wasn't consistent, actually most of the time I was treated better except for some situations that I keep remembering till now. + +3 weeks ago I switched to a different SSRI and I started having symptoms like anxiety, panic, ruminating over that experience and feeling worthless which I think were withdrawal symptoms from the old drug (lexapro) + +I noticed that these symptoms come when there is something wrong with the medication or I am going through a stressful time. + +I got a panic attack at work and my manager noticed and when I asked for some time off to recover they stalled and then they released an exit visa from the country and told me I would work remotely from my home country but there is no guarantee that they would keep their word. + +So now I am faced with the possibility of going back to my country which is going through a tough time economically and uncertainty about finding a new job. + +I am now back to the old drug I used to take and increased the dosage to 30mg with the Dr's supervision. + +I am not sure if the medication is not working yet or that I am going through a challenging time so I am having anxiety. + +I spend most of the time alone in my hotel room thinking of the past and worrying about the future and I am just exhausted. + +Your insight would be appreciated",Depression and memories of the past,1 +1074,No matter how much I try to change I never feel like I belong or like I’m enough… not sure what to do anymore…,Feeling like I don’t belong,1 +1075,"I don't like posting anything about myself online because in the long run I feel like it only makes things worse, but i need advice from people with experience. I'm 30 years old, and despite having a job that allows me to pay the bills I feel the lowest I've ever felt in my life. I'm mentally and physically exhausted the majority of the day, and despite making changes in my diet and exercise I feel completely empty. + +I felt better and more alive when I spent my weekends heavily drinking, even though those nights would usually end with me having heart palpitations and feeling like I was going to die. At least when I was inebriated I could feel a spark of the happiness I had when I was younger and that feeling made me want to drink more and more just to keep that spark alive. Unfortunately, now when I drink I get panic attacks that take days for me to get over so it's not even an option for me anymore. + +For the first time in my life I'm considering therapy because at this point I don't know what other alternative to turn to. The only reason its taken me this long to consider it an option is because I feel like I already know what a therapist would say to me. As pessimistic and presumtuous as it is, it seemed pointless. I'll admit It would be nice to vent to someone but is that really all there is to it? I have to be wrong. + +I'm going to look for a therapist first thing tomorrow, but in the meantime I want to hear from those of you with experience. Did any of you share similar skepticism and end up surprised by the results? Thanks in advance for your input.",I need therapy.,1 +1076,"Why is life so overwhelming? + +Why do I always have to worry about everything? + +Why do I keep making bad choices? + +Why can't I just have a normal life?",Why?,1 +1077," +I hate this world, I hate this life, and I hate myself. I hate who I am. I hate how I am. I hate the way I sound. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate existing. Every time I go to sleep I pray I won’t wake up. Every time I wake up I face the disappointment. I’m so tired of being a burden. I’m so tired of ruining everything around me. I’m so fucking tired of being me. I don’t want to be here anymore. Everything breath I breathe is more than I can take. Every day that passes I become more curious/ eager to find out what happens after death. Everyday I fight the urge to find out. I can’t go one hour without pointing out everything wrong with me. I can’t go a day without wishing I wasn’t here. It doesn’t get better. It never will. Every time I make the tiniest bit of progress life come and hits me like a fucking bus breaking down and destroying everything I’ve worked so hard to build up. I’ve come to the conclusion I just wasn’t made for living. Wasn’t made to survive. The longer im here the worse and longer I’ll suffer. Im so tired. Im so alone. No one understands. No one listens. No one cares. They never have. I crave the feeling of being loved. The feeling of being normal and accepted. I have nothing in my life nor have I done anything with it. What’s the point in trying to make someone I hate thrive? What’s the point of living a life I’ve never wanted. A life I’ve never felt loved or welcomed in. I’m ready to go. I don’t find myself being scared of what will happen to me anymore. I don’t find myself wondering if there’s a heaven or hell. I don’t find myself worrying how it’ll feel. I only seem to think that whatever’s waiting can’t make me feel worse than I already do. I have no one and nothing. Everyone in my life says I’m overreacting or doesn’t even listen enough to understand how I feel. I’m so worthless and useless. I feel so pathetic. Can’t get the energy to get out of bed so I just sit here with my thoughts and they eat me alive. Im not eating. Im barely drinking. Im not living. So whats the point? Why am I here?",I’m so close to giving up.,1 +1078,I can't seem to want help. Maybe it's because every time I've sought out help they haven't helped me and just throw me in a mental hospital but now I just can't ask for help. What do I do?,Getting help,1 +1079,"I am just curious that is there anyone just like me. If yes, I really need some advice. + +I recently had a very bad depression episode few days ago, and even though I am done with the episode and my emotions are more stable right now, my brain doesn’t seem to be functioning in any way. + +I thinking of everything but nothing at the same time. Like I really can’t catch my thoughts or even think anything logically or sensibly. And I feel like a zombie, just do everything based on experience and instinct. + +And the worst part is, people don’t understand that because you look completely normal and functional. They think you’re fine now because you stop crying or being depressed. You can finish normal tasks or conversation because you are in autopilot mode, but when it comes to something that requires more brainpower, you are broken. + +And sometimes it takes weeks or months to really snap out it but life doesn’t give you the luxury of doing that. It stresses me out. + +How on earth do I suppose to do to deal with this?",Brain can’t function after a depression episode,1 +1080,"I just lie about being happy but when I drink and smoke ik the truth. I honestly don’t see myself living past 30, I’m just going through the emotions and trying to survive.",I just lie about being happy,1 +1081,"I am SCREAMING and no one hears me. +I sob, constantly. I can’t deal with these lows anymore. It’s like everything crashed at once and I’m too shook to even pick up the pieces. I crave peace. Comfort in any way. All I do is cry to myself. I did everything I could to fix this. Medication, therapy and so much more. +And yet the water is rising. Still.",Still.,1 +1082,"I have all these emotions inside of me that are just trapped inside. I cant express myself the way i want to and its killing me. I show almost 0 emotion every single day and i feel like an outcast. I can laugh, smile, be excited in front of people, but i only do it for them not for myself. When i am alone i get this certain feeling in my head of all my feelings trying to come out at the same time. I hold it in and it feels indescribable, like a literal wave nothingness that washes over me. Then i just hold the blankest face ever, i do this almost all the time except when listening to people and talking to them. Its so hard just observing my life with no feelings. Occasionally it will become too much and i overflow with tears and confusing feelings, but nobody knows this. I get this feeling of laughter and denial that turns into a feeling of sadness and tears. I hate this, i hate myself. I hate that i feel weird being told “i love you” by a family member and being unable to say it back, i want to but i just cant, i don’t know. Im so sick of myself. I dont like it when people do something nice/thoughtful for me because deep down i don’t want anyone to care for me so i can kill myself leaving the smallest impact i can.",I feel nothing,1 +1083,"I've been depressed for a few years now. I don't feel totally lost. Somewhere inside me, I still have hope, I still have a real belief that it's possible for me to feel normal and happy again. But there's a much stronger feeling, an overwhelmingly powerful one, that even if I *could* be happy again, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve support from others, I don't deserve to make small gains for myself. Every time I start to move in a positive direction, every time others give me advice and offer help, every time it seems like I'm finally digging myself out of the hole.... I stop myself. I hurt myself. I don't let myself get better, because I feel like I don't deserve to be better. + +I hate it. It feels totally inescapable. No matter what progress or advantage I'm giving, I end up deliberately damaging it and tossing it away, because I can't escape the feeling that I deserve nothing but suffering, that it's an injustice to the world if I get better. + +Does anyone else feel this way? Is there any way to feel worthy?",Constantly held back by not feeling worthy of getting better.,1 +1084,"I have no one to talk to about my struggles. I am completely alone save for the limited social interaction I receive at work, and even that is only as much as is professionally necessary. I used to be able to smile and laugh to people, but I've been so lonely for so long that it takes everything I have to keep that up anymore. Everyone around me can tell that I'm sad, and that just makes me feel all the more unwanted and disdained. The last 2 people I opened up to got so much secondhand stress that they completely shut me out. Every second I'm not at work I'm just sitting in my empty house. There's no joy in anything anymore. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to on a day-to-day basis. This all just feels so fundamental that I don't even know where to begin to solve it. There's no real conscious impetus to my actions anymore, just listless impulse driving my every thought. The only thing I know for sure in all of this is that every day is the saddest I've ever been.",The soul-crushing loneliness is just too much,1 +1085,"I cried myself to sleep again last night. I was lucky to have loving parents which is why I would not kill myself until they pass. And I pictured myself apologising to the friends I have intentionally drifted from, and hoping they will feel less pain now that we are essentially strangers. Then I started sobbing because my parents are getting older and they will really pass soon, and I'm terrified of death. I'm scared that the darkness of death would be darker than any darkness I've been enveloped in and that I would truly cease to exist. That no one would remember I was once a person with noble and great aspirations to better the world and now I am merely ashes. But living is so painful, and I've been seeking this release for over a decade.","I'm so terribly afraid of death, but I'm also afraid of living.",1 +1086,"I hurt her deep deeply. She was the love of my life and I threw it away for casual sex. + +We were so connected. On such a deep level. We were miles apart, yet I could feel her in my soul. All the time. + +We were one. + +And I hurt her deeply. + +I cared for her, showed her new things, loved her, wanted the best for her. + +But alcohol brought out my shallowness. + +It’s not the fact that it’s over. + +It’s seeing her face of devastation when I told her every time I close my eyes. + +She has told me to forgive myself and move on. + +But I just can’t. I would do anything to take back what I did. + +I would trade 1000 lifetimes for one minute with her. + +I am at my lowest right now.",I feel my soul is dead/very damaged,1 +1087,"having a hard time right now, and ontop of the things making life harder the plans i was counting on to cheer me up fell through. Left just angry at everyone and everything. This person knows I'm having a shit time right now too.",angry and disappointed,1 +1088,"I talk a lot, I get it from people not wanting to talk to me as a child or telling me I talk to much when I share something I enjoyed. Which created childhood depression and it effected me in several ways and still does 14+ years later (I’m 19 to put that into perspective to just how long I’ve had dealt with this). One of my earliest memories is wanting to become a smart muggle witch like Hermione from Harry Potter. I was so exited about the films I would talk to almost everyone I came across about HP, well almost everyone told me I can’t/I will never be able too/that’s bad/ect but more than anything they would tell me I talk to much, it isn’t ladylike to speak that much. I was 5 years old. As the years went by I was told not to speak often, and anytime I spoke about anything I knew something of such as history or science and especially if I was excited about it I would be cut off and told I spoke to much. All of my “friends” growing up would ignore me in groups or not pay attention if I wanted to join the conversation. Bc of that I became a wall flower and I over tall when people talk to me. I get very depressed most days due to my excessive talking. I know my excessive talking is coming from anxiety, but the depression of feeling alone hurts more. Thank you for reading this if you do read this.",I just want to rant about my depression and anxiety from my depression,1 +1089,I’ve been with my bf for almost 10 years and I feel like my relationship is at its end . We have no patience for one another . We are so aggressive to each other . He used to be abusive but hasn’t hit me in almost a year . I’m so scared to be alone but I know I can’t stay like this forever . What do I do ?,I’m so sad,1 +1090,"My family is wonderful. My parents are generous, understanding, kind, and helpful. My little sister is supportive and great. I’m the black sheep, always jealous of her, watching her live the life I was always supposed to live. I pigeonholed myself in life and she is four years younger and doing everything I wanted to do, living the life I wanted to live, and it hurts me so deeply to see it. It makes me want to separate myself from them entirely. I hate that I can’t be happy for her because of my jealousy. I hate that knowing that she is doing everything I wanted to do makes me want to end my life. I want to cut off contact with them completely, but I have no good reason to other than it fucking hurts every single day being a member of the family. I don’t want to be involved at all.","Seeing my family makes me want to die, and I have no good reason for it",1 +1091,"(26 year old female) sorry for the long post… I’ve been on anti depressants for about the last 12 years of my life. I was always on 100 mg zoloft & then switched to 20 mg lexapro in 2018, but went off of them for about 6 months in 2021 to try to live without them. At the end of those 6 months I started to get dizzy more often & have what I can only describe as uncontrollable thoughts. Not suicidal or thoughts of harming anyone, but I just did not feel in control of my emotions and I felt like I was gonna lose my mind lol & very depressed. So I got back on lexapro 20 mg & after a few months I started to feel average at best but better than before. August 2022 I started to get brain zaps/dizziness every day for over a month so I went to a new psychiatrist and got back on Zoloft 50 mg to start. I worked my way up to 75mg & started to feel a lottttt better, but in December my dad died and I was extremely close to him so that obviously set me back. I went up to 100 mg around Feb 2023 and have been having issues ever since. Very dizzy, lots of anxiety & panic attacks, and the weird uncontrollable emotions/thoughts and always feeling on the brink of a panic attack have been happening since. It gets A LOT worse at night and that’s when most of my issues arise. +Within the last 6 months I’ve seen an ear doctor to make sure I didn’t have inner ear issues causing dizziness, an eye exam (I got a small prescription mostly for being on my phone/computer or reading), and I got an MRI done and saw a neurologist. All has always come back normal so I’m thinking it’s a medication issue or lack of something. I’m mostly looking for advice or comfort to make me feel better since I’m not doing well lol. Thanks for reading ❤️",Support and advice greatly needed,1 +1092,"What do you do when you don't feel nothing anymore? +I felt loneliness and sadness for a long time. +Now I feel nothing, empty. +Nothing interests me, nothing makes me happy +, I don't care about anything and anyone no more. +I feel like I'm dead",Numbness,1 +1093,"Not one more day of this torment. I fucking beg you every fucking night to take the life away from me. Right to the point I am awake, I am in despair, then I sleep and all suffering cannot be felt, only to wake again, realizing that it will be another day of agony. I am not interested in living. You have given me plenty of gifts, but all I have known is to throw them away. Now the only gift I ask of you is death. It will be your final gift to me, and the one gift I will treasure.","Please God, I do not wish to see the light of tomorrow. Take me away while I sleep fastly",1 +1094,"I can't tell anyone else so I'll say it here + +I have no particular circumstantial problems, traumas etc in life, yet I feel like absolute shit. I feel like I'm cutting myself just to shoehorn myself into a community and feel like I have a problem, so that I can blame all my shortcomings and failures on that ""mY dEpReSsIoN"" instead of owning them up like a normal functioning adult and improving. But noooooo I waste everything I have, all the resources at my disposal, and its funny because I actually am disposing them down the drain lmao. I am just acting things out in this elaborate drama I have constructed for myself so that I can feel like a victim of my own imagination, make up problems where there aren't any, and poach resources away from those actually suffering. + +You know I sometimes take a blade to my hand but I get scared. I get terrified, that probably is a primal instinct. That definitely means I am faking it all, right. If I really hated myself and wanted to kms, I'd be able to sink it deeper, with no regards to the pain. But noooo, all I can do is barely see the white. Because if I was really wanted to kms, I'd have something to show for it. If I'm really suffering, I should've been able to cut deeper just to deal with the ""emotional pain"" that I apparently have. But wait, I can't slide-and-dice deeper - if everything in my life is all fine and dandy, yeah that's right. I'm a fraud. I can't, so that clearly shows I'm not in pain. can't even get a drop out. I'm a fucking fraud + +How do people do it. Deal with the pain and just slice away down deeper. I wanna be able to do it. I'm fake as fuck. + +Man why am I so pathetic, fucking failure of an adult at 25, goddamnit",I'm sick and tired of this bullshit,1 +1095,"I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel like I have any support. I don’t feel like I can go to anyone and I can tell them exactly how I am feeling because they’re gonna quote some bullshit Bible verse or tell me I’m being so dramatic. My mom doesn’t like listening to me talk but little does she know she needs to cherish my ramblings cause one day I’m gonna just jump in front of the G train and she’s gonna wish she listened to me cause it would be her last day hearing my voice. + + I want to spend the rest of my life doing something I’m passionate about that I simply don’t care if I’m gonna make any money at all. I want to feel something so bad but I feel nothing. I have no real goals, no real accomplishments, no real aspirations. + +And I’m trying so hard to see the brighter side. I’m trying so hard to be positive. I’m trying so hard to find the balance but it’s not working. It’s times like this when I’m sitting in silence where there are no sounds and I don’t have my headphones to drown out all these negative thoughts. I have to sit with them in silence suffering. + +I want friends and I want to build meaningful relationships with people but people are just so tiring I hated having friends but brushed it off as maybe I wasn’t friends with the right people. They were so overwhelming I just wanted to be quiet all the time. + +I don’t know. I don’t know whether I want to die or if I want to live. If I live my life it won’t be mine, and if I die supposedly my life won’t be mine either according to some book of stories.",Mmm… just some thoughts if you can relate 🙏 congrats,1 +1096,"I feel so so sad and there s no one to talk to. I might be attracted to a guy that is a friend of my bf( we re in an open relationship so it s a lil bit tricky) and like I wanna do stuff with him ig but yea. Anyway I m the only one up, alone and I feel so so sad. I feel like a failure and somehow I feel lije I m drowning. i feel like there s no escape and I can t break the vicious circle that I feel stuck in. I m going to therapy for a few months now and I m struggling. Quite a lot. Everything feels pointless, doesn t make any sense. It might be the fact that I m exhausted. It might the fact that I m tired. It might the fact that I m slightly tipsy now. I went clubbing tonight and i felt kinda shitty at first bc one of my best frens felt shitty too. I hate it. Anyway I understood i m not good when We had to go home earlier and I still +Wanted to drink, but to drink until I forgot bout myself. I wanted to drown in smth that is not the suffocating feeling of being constantly under pressure. What pressure? Idk. But i feel constantly smth in my stomach and my whole body. And when not, I am brain empty. That s why I am brain empty. Bc when I m brain fool, nothin good happensz",I m deeply sad,1 +1097,"When I was in high school, I always get praised by my parents and others since I am doing well in my studies. But now that I am in my 2nd yr of college, I am failing my courses and I am not learning. We are not financially stable, and my tuition fee is not a joke. I keep on thinking of ending my life since I am a failure and I keep on disappointing my parents and relatives. My parents keep on comparing me to others and I don't want that. I am doing my best and my best is not enough to pass my courses. I want to end the suffering of my parents by ending my life.",Failure,1 +1098," I HATE when I say things like ""Killing myself is easier than going to college to get a job that I will hate later"" people keep saying ""there's people in the hospital that would give everything to be in your place"", like, bro, I know that and you're just making things worse by making me think that I must be happy all the times because I not in the hospital, but I'll die someday and I want that soon, because then at least I'll be remebered by some people that will be still alive. + And also I hate that everything that I do it seeem like I'm the worst at it, even if it's just me and one other person, they will always be beter than me, and I was talking about that with one of my techers and she said ""then what do you like?"", nothing, literally everything that I do is because my mom wants me to do it and I'm too afraid of making her sad/angry by saying that I don't like it. +(Sorry for the ranting, btw)",It doesn't help me.,1 +1099,I'm drunk and I know it's just inevitable but hey let's take it a day at a time,I know I'm going to kill myself one day,1 +1100,"money isnt important, a steady check is, unemployment is hardly likely that i would win decision against an employers lawyer, or ppo doctor. i may not have a home, so i need to find someplace i can go and be homeless until i starve to death. or preffered, quick and painless, rather than a lifetime of suffrage. idk who my mother and father are but they were neglegent with me, and guns, and beat me physically to cause permanent injury","i think after losing enough jobs, and now jobless again, 45 and i can acknowledge life is over, i need to find a llace to throw away my car, and other valuables, selling them would be a waste of time",1 +1101,"Being high functioning is really draining. +I can uphold a mask of normality for a period of time, but Jesus Christ is it exhausting. +In the presence of people, I act. I convince them that I’m fine, I begin to convince myself too. And for a few moments sometimes I forget. Sometimes. +Until I get into bed and I’m staring at the ceiling, feeling an empty sense of longing for God knows what. Why do I feel like something’s missing? +Emptiness engulfs me at the realisation of the futility of it all. Life. +My body aches, my eyes burn and I just want to be unconscious. +And I think to myself, is this all that there is? + +Most of my life, I’ve felt this dark presence lurking in the corner of my mind. Like a feral black dog following me around, just hungrily waiting to devour me. I somehow always manage to find strength to keep moving, but it always follows. +Sometimes, I just greet it, and lay down in despair. + +Think I need my meds again xox",Late night thoughts,1 +1102,"I feel like all I do is go in circles nothing ever changes nor will it, I feel as though i make progress and I think I feel happy for an amount of time and then I get sent back into the hole. Hopeless, worthless, a failure and dissapointment to everyone around me who has tried to help and may think that I'm fine not knowing what is going on in my head for fear of criticism or pity, I hate myself. I've fully accepted death although this is not a suicide note or an indication of one, I have previously attempted and for awhile felt no remorse or regret from doing so. And even now I wish I would've given it 100% as I feel I have no use or purpose and all I ever do is dissappint both myself and others, I am worthless. Nothing I jave ever done is fulfilling past the honeymoon phase of finding a new hobby, I never have the drive or discipline to keep at it I see the mountain I have to climb and it all seems so pointless to me. And I am left a failure again until I decide to do something else and fail once again. I don't deserve anything I have or anyone that is friends with me. I don't understand what other people see in me I wish even for a mpment I could see myself through their eyes because my own only hat and loath me. I have tried so many times to change how I see myself how I think about myself but it all cokes back to the same place, self hate, hopelessness, and despair. Sorry for this wall of text I know this doesn't help anyone and im questioning if its even wirth saying anything. I really just don't know what to do.",Stuck and too afraid to ask for help from anyone because im a disappointment,1 +1103,"Hey, I need help with my friend over here. He's finally got a psychiatrist that he needs, and is currently scared of getting anti depressants. I've googled the pros and cons of them, what are your expirences and how can I help him tell his psychiatrist no?",My friend needs help,1 +1104,"I feel like there's no hope for me b/c all my therapist have been quite shitty at times. My very first ""official"" one made me fall in love with her, she'd grab my hand tell me I was special, she'd say I was the best client. She would drive me home at night & leave me in the corner, then she would buy my siblings toys (who she knew were my whole world/ reason of living). She'd buy me sweaters b/c again she knew I was sh & always wore one, so she bought me a couple expensive ones & would ask I wear them when I saw her. Then she ghosted me!! After Christmas break she never came back. The 2nd one I saw after 2 years, she would tell me my mom didn't love me & I have sh<t self esteem so when I was groped in the bus she said ""well on the brightside you can't be that unattractive, he must have found you attractive enough to do that"". Horrible sh<t she'd say! Then the 3rd one, told me that my ed can't be that bad b/c I ""looked fine"". Finally my current one, basically encourages my self harm! She said she'd get me wipes to do my ""aftercare"". When I told her I was pressured into smoking cigarettes she said ""honestly you have worst shit to worry about than smoking cigarettes"".. I'm so f<cking tired!! I'm trying to get better!! People always say ""oh if u don't ask for help, how can you ever get better"" well I AM!!! I DID!! But why have I been treated this way! I'm so tired of reaching out & no one helping & just making it worse! I'm so tired... my mind can't afford to reach out to anothertherapist! Please I just want someone to care, to help me.",All my therapist have added to my trauma,1 +1105,"to find a job i need a car, i need a job to put gas in it, i need a job for insurance, i dont have a job, i have a car i could lose and walk to work, somewhere close, but no, a car is required, reliable transportation. then theres home, i need a job for a home, my family uses narcotics, i dont want to live with them, nor be thrown out again, soo, i still cant find a job that will let me work in peace, i dont have any career, anything is fine, as long as i dont have to be happy, i cant fake it.","i think whats depressing is,,,(working out the bugs)",1 +1106,"We'll all go to heaven if there really is, because this life and world is already hell.",Heaven,1 +1107,"I’ve been dealing with depression since I was a teenager. I had a suicide attempt in high school, had to be committed to a psychiatric hospital for a couple weeks (which was highly traumatic)and was on I believe Zoloft for a few months until I moved to self medicating with alcohol and realized that the 2 don’t mix well. I’ve seen multiple therapists, but I have a very hard time being honest and open and I’ve had therapists outright drop me as a client because I wasn’t making progress. Also when I was drinking heavily it was hard to make appointments so I stopped going. + +I’ve come a very long way from this. I very rarely drink now, but I never went back to therapy or medication. I cope by staying extremely busy but I struggle on the weekends when I have less to occupy myself with. I feel like I need something to help. I’m unsure about meds because even before I could never find a dosage that helped and I don’t know if I want to start that process over again. And I also now have a masters in psychology and i have enough insight into myself to be able to understand my behavior. So I don’t think a therapist can do anything for me that I can’t do for myself, and I doubt that I can be completely open. + +Idk what I’m looking for, I guess just advice if I should try to get treatment, if it would be worth it.",Advice on treatment options?,1 +1108,I just failed the test to get my GED and my family thought I was going to pass it but I didn't I feel like disappointment and I disappointed them they had confidence in me they say I'm smart and I'm a genius but in reality I'm not I'm dumb and stupid and I let them down I feel so worthless and pathetic so now I'm going to drink bleach or any other chemical I can find in my house so I can get so sick that I die I can't do this anymore I don't want to disappoint or let anyone else down,I failed I'm going to kill myself soon,1 +1109,"It has been this way for so long, I can't imagine myself without feeling this way. It started off as crying myself to sleep because I didn't feel at home and safe no matter what I did. Everything was out of place, my existence was wrong. Around 4 years after that, which is now, I started antidepressants. Idk if they really don't work and my body is fighting against them, or if I put myself in the “they don't work” mindset to the point they actually don't. But the first few weeks I was horrified of actually getting better. Now that the meds stopped working, I'm not panicking anymore. Starting treatment was my dream for so long, now I hate the idea of it. I find comfort in my sorrows. I got too deep into being helpless and accepted that I couldn't get out, so I decided to make it a safe space for myself. I don't know if I want to be better. I never thought healing would be harder than my depression. I have no idea if I'm weird or stupid, or maybe both. I feel helpless.",Sometimes I find comfort in my depression,1 +1110,"I feel like no one even notices anything, for example some days I can’t get out of bed the whole day and no one even questions me about it. Is this normal? The only moments my family mention my disfunctional behaviour is when they’re joking about it. Im baffled honestly.",Does your family realise what is going on?,1 +1111," + + + +I'm feeling very demotivated depressed hopeless sad and not having the will to live anymore + I just can't get this feeling out of my head no matter how hard I try from a couple of months ago +This feeling has been growing much stronger since a last week. +I am not exaggerating but nothing feels real anymore , I am just doing things to cope with this but that is not even working. +I don't feel like doing anything. +Can't even focus on studies or anything. + + +I have my personal problems which are ruining my health, stress has probably become an underlying health condition in my body which I don't know because I stress a lot.",How do I stop this feeling to give up on life and how it's not worth it?,1 +1112,"Im so sad all the time, i have barley and friends and no love interest. Im out of shape and sad. Im not meant for this generation or this age of humanity. I wanna go back but im stuck here. I feel like a glass bottle filled with stones and the cap is glued on shut. I wanna end it all but i cant im to big of a pussy to do so",Not for this life,1 +1113,"I would always have thoughts but would be too scared to go through with anything, but now I’m not scared. I could know I was going to die tomorrow, and I wouldn’t care. I’m scared because I don’t know if when I have another breakdown I’m gonna do something in the moment that I can’t take back.",I’m scared because I’m not scared,1 +1114," (not saying people here are fake but I’ve become more of a hermit). Want to move back home and pursue schooling/certification (medical billing and coding). Feeling insanely depressed here. + +So I made the move out here last year 2 months before turning 29. + +At first I enjoyed it. I’m able to buy weed whenever I want, I get a better pay than I did back home, and I don’t feel like a child living at home. And the weather was pretty nice. + +But over time, it started wearing on me. I miss my nieces and every time we’ve factimed they look so much older. I feel sad that I’m not there. I miss my family and our family dog. Also I ran out of my ADHD/anxiety/depression medications and haven’t tried finding a new psychiatrist/therapist because I don’t want to deal with the hassle of searching around. + +I feel like I haven’t really connected to anyone here. I thought going out and snowboarding here at the resort almost everyday, that someone would recognize me and I’d make friends (which is what happened back home), but it hasn’t happened. I have no dating life at all. I get 3 or 4 days off a week and spend them alone. Sometimes I’ll game with my high school friends online, which is the only thing I really look forward to, but this fucks my sleep schedule even more. + +I work overnights and barely get any social interaction anymore. I try sleeping during the day but it’s difficult because my neighbors like to play their music super fucking loud. Why don’t they just wear headphones? + +My sleep schedule is shit. I hate going to run errands because I have to walk 15 minutes to my car. + +I snowboard for like 2 hours and then feel like going home because I get overwhelmed by the lengthy lines. + +Once the season ends, they’ll switch me back to evenings as opposed to overnights, but then I’ll have to get a roommate. Having a roommate in these tiny ass dorms is horrible and I don’t like it. No privacy at all. + +When I go back home, I want to start regularly going to therapy again, but am thinking “how can I do that if I don’t have a job”. How do I ensure I have a job when I get back home? I don’t live there right now so how the hell do I get interviews????",29M. Moved out for the first time in August to work at a ski resort for a year. I feel so lonely and have no real friends here.,1 +1115,Ditto.,"A close friend of mine took 280 mg of Dexedrine this past Monday as a suicide attempt, but for some reason he hasn’t told anyone besides me, and he never went to the hospital. What kind of danger could he still be in? I want to convince him to get help for it, but he thinks so much time has gone by.",1 +1116,"I heard from my therapist that anger and depression often go hand in hand, but I feel like it's kinda going off the rails for me. +does anyone have more experience with this?",anger,1 +1117,"To make this short and to the point. I’ve had depression/anxiety my whole life. It’s nothing new other than with age it seems to just get worse. I’ve been through the system for help and here I am again. +I have a 15 month old who would be better off without her depressed mother around. My whole family is effected by my moods. It’s not fair to anyone and I definitely don’t want to be the reason everyone is walking on eggshells. I grew up like that and it’s not fun and look at me…I have problems. +I believe it’s better for me to disappear than subject my family to this terrible illness. I’ve read how having a depressed mother can effect a child. I also know first thing. I stress my husband out like no other. It can all be solved if I just leave. My husband asks where to? I don’t know, I have no one so probably the streets. Obviously he’s not ok with it but again better than subjecting everyone to this bs. It seems like a fair trade for a better life for them and I’m put out of my misery. It’s already hard enough to live with this crap to add more guilt and shame it just doesn’t make sense.",I’m a depressed mother who is debating on leaving her family.,1 +1118,"I just stood there,staring.sometime it can even felt like days,weeks,or even years pass by when truth is just a couple of minutes.i feel despair everytime i look at my miserable existant + +Everytime happy memories come.it will be season with hours of nightmares and bad memories.i know am not a good son to begin with. + +Being born as gay,not being as smart as other people.and quite honestly not really good at making friends.even me disappointed in myself.",Grief making me feel bad everytime i look at people with their parents,1 +1119,"Throwaway because the people in this post have reddit accounts. I (28F) am married to a wonderful man (32M) let’s call him Mark. We have been married for 7 years now and I grew very close to his family as they live in the same city as us while my family is in another country. + +His brother Maison (30M) and I grew very close and we have a great friendship, laughing together, talking about life, etc… as time went by I started noticing that i was being supportive and there for him and the opposite isnt true. + +Now for a little backstory, Maison went through a very tough phase in his life and got depressed and suicidal, he went to therapy and started getting back on his feet again but he was never the same. This happened 3 years ago and after that experience he became very self-centered, inconsiderate yet very sensitive and also does not accept any type of criticism. He literally turned to a manchild. Only wants to game all day, doesnt help the people around him, is very dependent even in the smallest things. Mark is always walking on eggshells around him for this reason because he is scared that he would say / do anything that will cause Maison to relapse into depression. + +I on the other hand am a little tougher on Maison. I sometimes feel like his family not saying anything when he is rude or acting like a child because they are afraid to hurt his feelings are turning him into a very immature and irresponsible man who is never held accountable. + +He moved in to live with us temporarily to save some rent money till he gets his life together. He adopted a dog, and let her go because he didnt train her properly and she became aggressive with separation anxiety. Then he adopted another dog and the same thing happened again and he let him go. He wants so many things in his life but wouldnt want to put the hard work or the responsibility. + +My question is, should we go easy on him because of his mental health? Or is going easy on him will make his life harder later because he will get used to life without any responsibility or accountability?",Are we Supportive or destructive,1 +1120,"I made all the wrong decisions. I have no one to blame but myself. + +Now I'm alone. + +I just want a hug. What does that feel like such a selfish request? + +Is there anyone out there that needs someone to talk to? I'd like to that person because helping you might be what saves me.",Help.,1 +1121,"I tried using the (US based) s***ide text hotline tonight. After replying ""YES"" to accept terms and conditions and be connected to a counselor a good dozen times, I gave up. Had to block the number to stop getting notifications asking me if I accepted the terms and conditions and wanted to be connected to a counselor. Go America. + +I guess I just want to go on record that I am begging for fucking help, just for someone to fucking care, I tried at least a dozen times over to engage with the AI interface to get an actual human being.... fucking shit. Fuck everything.",Text helpline is useless,1 +1122,"Was in a good mood today and I feel it dissipating, I’m terrified of going back down into that pit. There’s no hope down there, only agony and self hatred. + +Why can’t I escape this? Why does my past always drive me to feeling suicidal?",Here comes the low...,1 +1123,Any suggestion to sleep easily? I cant sleep until morning. Just lying in bed and wishing dead..,Sleep,1 +1124,"I’m on medication and i do all the things people recommend, i got a bike for university so that i’d stop being sedentary, i try to keep my room clean and i even force myself to go out with friends and socialize. + +But i realized i don’t enjoy socialization, they say humans thrive on socialization, but I don’t feel that I do. + +People feels like a chore for some reason I never really miss my friends or miss going out with them. +Every time they ask me to go out I make up an excuse and humor them and on the rare occasion i did go with them I would go home early. They will try to prolong the outing as much as possible. Maybe have a couple of drinks and play video games late into the night but I genuinely can’t find it in me to wanna be around them and it isn’t about them as people they’re actually very sweet and accepting wonderful people. + +They are kind hearted and patient and one of them even cooks for us sometimes it isn’t about them. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I just can never seem to enjoy being around people it’s supposed to be healing to be a part of a community to feel like you belong, to go out with friends and to get out of the slump you are in. + +A lot of people tell me it’s not good to lay in bed all day or to be in inside your apartment, watching YouTube and movies and playing video games alone but I genuinely feel that I don’t have the same functions that other humans do I don’t have the thing that makes me want to be around others. It just isn’t an emotionally fulfilling experience. + +I don’t feel the need to be around other people and whenever I do go out with people, I look forward to just going home and relaxing and finally breathing and doing whatever i want. +I’m not sure why maybe it’s a personality clash? Maybe I just haven’t found my “people“ or someone that really understands me to the point where I would find their company enjoyable? I’m not sure all I know is I’ve never really had a friend that I wanted to spend that much time with if it were up to me, I would go weeks maybe even months without ever hanging out with friends even though I know it might be better for me mentally if I’m around people and put myself out there and meet new people as well but I genuinely do not crave human presence in my life and the happiest or at least the most content I’ve ever been is when I’m alone reading comics and drinking coffee in my bed. + +It isn’t like I don’t want to have friends I really do, when I have friends I just don’t really see their presence or company as a priority or a need in my life other than a conversation every now and then I never really seem to want to spend my free time on them. + +I’ve been like this my while life even during middle school. + +Anyone else? You guys think it’s depression or just extreme introversion lmao","I can’t think of another reason why i am the way that i am, can you guys share your experiences",1 +1125,"I have all the info. I just need to write it down. But just now, everything in my head is on ""I don't know what I'm doing"" mode. And thanks to depression, I have no spark to write. Curse me.","Potentially failing my paper, because my head is empty and heavy. Procrastinating on accident.",1 +1126,How long until you see a difference in mood and anxiety with St. John’s wort??,How long until you see a difference in mood and anxiety with St. John’s wort??,1 +1127,"I’ve (22F) have been on anti-depressants since I was 14, but I’ve never felt 100% better. I switched from Zoloft to Celexa about 2 years ago, and I’m currently taking the max dose of Celexa, but I still get pretty bad bouts of depression and anxiety at least a couple of times per week. I’m in therapy so I know of a variety of coping measures that I can take, such as exercise, journaling, spending time with friends/family, and breathing techniques, but none of those things seem to work. I don’t have any major problems or stressors in my life either, I’m just depressed for no reason 2-5 days per week. + +Does this mean that my anti-depressants aren’t working, or do I just kinda need to suck it up? I’m scared to try new anti-depressants bc of the withdrawals and potential worsening of my depression, so I’m not sure what the best thing for me is to do.",Are my anti-depressants not working?,1 +1128,"For context 2022 was the YEAR of my life. I lived abroad and had a blast. My anxiety was still there but at a minimal. I never felt so happy. So happy at times I felt like I was going to burst. It was insane. +February of this year I came back home. Home isn't a good place for my mind. My parents are awful and I always feel like I'm dorwning when I'm home. I've been home since February and I feel things going dark again. I'm sleeping way too much. Have no energy or desire to do anything and the awful thoughts of mot living are coming back. +I'm in between places right now. Kicking off a new career, that's why I came home. But things are going slow and I cant move away right now. +I feel like I was on the bery top of life and now I'm in rock bottom again. I'm lost and confused and my mind keeps things how easy it would all be if I just want living anymore. +I dont want to have these thoughts or feel this way.",I feel things getting bad again,1 +1129,"All of my relationships have failed. I’m 35 and divorced, just got dumped by a woman I loved, and can’t even make it work with guys. Everyone I’ve ever dated has ripped my heart out and stepped on it. Feeling like I’m destined to be alone forever.",Feeling unworthy of love,1 +1130,I feel trapped and stuck. Whenever I get super depressed I tend to eat a lot and because of my eating disorder it just ends up making me feel like more shit which causes me to binge and ect ect. I don't know how to stop,Stuck in a loop TW ED MENTION,1 +1131,I just can't feel honestly I feel hollow and I just can't seem to be happy. I dont like this feeling it feels like a black hole just sucking everything out of me if that makes sense. I dont know what to do. I'd prefer being constantly sad than this. I hate this feeling.,I feel numb and I hate it,1 +1132,"i’ve had depression for five years now. and i’ll just say that last summer was the worst. a lot of shitty things happened but long story short, i moved to a new city (a new country actually, so no family too) for college all by myself and was alone for a solid two months. my depression really hit rock bottom. i was so unstable and just… unwell. the only thing i looked forward to was talking to my therapist, who btw ended up being incredibly irresponsible. + +i’m now surrounded by lovely people but they’re all leaving the city for summer break. i can’t stop worrying that i’ll become depressed again. my plan for now is to take summer courses and pick up a campus job (e.g. working at the library). perhaps i’ll pick up a casual part-time job as well. i just want to make sure that i keep myself busy. last summer was tough cause i didn’t have the means to meet people and interact, and i’m hoping this time it’ll be different if i put myself out there. honestly though, i just can’t help but worry a lot. depression is my worst enemy and it lives inside me. at this point, i can’t let it fucking win again. + +i think of warm sunlight but instead of warmth i feel this intense sorrow. i want this to change. i want this summer to be a good time.",i’m scared that i’ll get depressed again in summer,1 +1133,"I am finally looking to start getting help for my mental health. It has been a very long time coming and I just can't do it anymore. I believe I have several diagnoses, including ADHD, anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, and OCD. I am very very overwhelmed by the idea of sharing all of my inner thoughts with another person, even someone who is helping me, and all the uncertainty of what exactly to expect is making me feel a bit hesitant to get started. A friend recommended I begin with my regular primary care doctor, but I am unsure of this. Are PCPs able to diagnose all of these issues, some, or none? At what point would my primary care doctor likely just send me to a psychiatrist rather than diagnosing me herself? Just looking for some help/answers about what to expect at an appointment with my primary care doctor so I feel a little less overwhelmed :)",Mental health help???,1 +1134,How so most of you deal with your families? As the oldest there’s so much responsibility just thrown on me and it sucks. Our dad bailed on us when we were younger so it’s just my mom. For as long as I could remember my life has been nothing but stressful. I’m 22 currently with the youngest siblings I live with being 19. Im the only one with a job and it’s been driving me into an even further hole. My sister has been such a bitch to me lately and I don’t know why. I barely interact with them cause they just always give me suicidal/murderous thoughts. They always have my blood pressure going through the roof and giving me constant headaches. I try to tell my mom about it but she’s under a stern belief that black people cant be depressed and suicidal. It’s only for “white” people as she claims. I can’t afford therapy atm and I just want to leave but I can’t. Any suggestions on what I should do?,Family,1 +1135,"I’m 23 years old, and used to be happy and had motivation and wanted to work and do things. Last couple of years, I’ve had no motivation, it’s hard to work, I feel lazy, I feel slow, I can barley talk to people without sounding stupid and it’s hard for me to listen and remember what people are saying to me. Basically I just always feel tired and slow and no motivation. I know I’m a smart person, but I feel dumb at the Same time, like it’s hard for me to learn things, but once I do learn it, I’m really good at it. I also feel like I have issues learning, because I overthink things and think I will fuck up somehow and think about how there is no way I can do this. I was off work for a long time due to COVID, fucked up sleep schedule, etc. and then I got laser eye surgery, I got almost every complication from it (made me really depressed), and then I lost my job for not getting fired (also made me really depressed cause I’ve been there for 8 years). Now I just feel like shit and don’t know if it’s actually depression and a problem. Lasik and COVID really fucked me.",Depression?,1 +1136,"Wake up and everyday is the same. This morning I realize it’s been three days since I’ve talked to anyone, no calls or texts. No friends, no girlfriend. I live at home with my parents, at an age where I should’ve been moved out by now. Tired of lies and promises that meant nothing, tired of a life that means nothing. All these years of youth wasted doing nothing. Tired of how competitive everything is, because I’m tired of fighting. Left behind by people who said they would always be there, until it wasn’t convenient anymore. Broke, ugly, tired and burnt out on this life. Maybe it could be worse, but that just makes me hate life more. Everyone acts like you have an obligation to this life. You’re obligated to get a job, make money, make a life for yourself. But I never asked for this life in the first place. I wish I could go back now, to that moment I was about to be born and press a button to cancel my life before it started. Even my high points can’t cancel out all the negative, and I’m tired of looking for an end that’s nowhere in sight.","Tired of the endless, pointless grind. Tired of being sad and lonely. Tired of this world.",1 +1137,"I’ve tried 4 now where they made it worse/the side effects where unbearable, but now I’ve been on sertraline and the side effects are tolerable but hasn’t helped with my anxiety or depression. + +It’s been 4 weeks and today the nurse practitioner gave me the choice to try something else or increase the dose. I asked her what I should do but she said it was up to me. I didn’t know what I should do so I just said increase the dose because the pills are cheap and I have to pay full price for everything until I hit my deductible. I don’t know if a month is too short to know or if should be seeing a little improvement by now. + +I’m starting to think I should have chose a different medicine but I don’t know maybe I am jumping the gun here and I should just stick it out. This medicine makes me really tired",How long does it take to know if an antidepressant is going to work or I need to try a different one?,1 +1138,"I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety I take 400mg seroquel for sleep and have a weird side effect , when I take it makes me have those sudden life realisations about my self *really bad thoughts” + +Exactly like a bad weed trip and that’s why I stopped smoking weed . + +It’s weird since I’ve tried all drugs from benzos and opium to ssris and snri and it’s the only drug that makes me feel this way + +Why I am feeling this way? I searched a lot and couldn’t find people with the same problem",Seroquel gives me bad trips?,1 +1139,I think this is it for me my birthday is next week and I don’t see that I make it to then. I find it sad I’ll never get to live my life to the fullest and am gonna miss out on a lot. But I kinda find it peaceful that all the bad thoughts are going to stop. Sorry everyone,Reached the finish line,1 +1140,"Trigger warnings btw + +Hi, idk if this is in the right place but I just need to get stuff out. +I (24f) should be so happy an excited, I'm getting married next week. I love my Fiance, and I want to marry him. +But I've had to move hundreds of miles away from my mum and my friends. +I have BPD and probably autism, but NHS won't help me get diagnosis for either. + +I haven't been working and been living with my parents becase of depression. Now because me and husband can barely afford a basic place to live I will have to work. And I want to. I want to be so capable and successful and hard working but I just want to kms anytime I think of getting up and going out. + +I've only been living in my new town a week, and everytime i remember im not going home i feel so depressed. + +All my Fiance can say is he's sorry. But that doesn't fix anything or help me or comfort me at all, and my BPD shuts any suggestions he has down because substitues wont help. I don't know anyone here, and everyone in my community is old. And whilst yes old people can make lovely friends, It's not the same. + +I can't drive, afford to drive or have the mental stability to drive so I feel so lonely and depressed. + +And I feel so awful for my fiance when I'm literally saying I'm depressed and I don't want to be here. + +I just want to be hit by a car or something, every day my brain says stuff like that and I'm so tired of holding it together. + +I don't want to be here. And yet as always I'll carry on. I'll just ""cope"". I won't kms. But it hurts all the same.","Moved away to be married, why can't I be happy? I'm supposed to be happy",1 +1141,"everyone is frustrating . i always have to be the one doing the move and socialize first . if i dont i just + stay the way im . the only person that i talk to , i always have the feeling like im annoying them , they r only nice bcz they feel bad fr me fr being aloner .",im so exhausted of everyone in my life,1 +1142,"There's that pain deep in you that cuts through you, but are you strong enough to tie the knot and hold on to a hope that it's gonna get better?",Can you hold on?,1 +1143,"For as long as I can remember, I have always suffered from anxiety. Perhaps it runs in my family. Yet I was never able to name it or put a label on it. During COVID, it took a toll on me and the biggest hit was taken by my marriage. For past half year, so much has happened in my life that I feel like I am living someone else's life. The only good thing that has come out of it, is my ability to finally see my anxiety building up and how I channel it. I am so heartbroken to see that I mostly took my anxiety and put it in my marriage. + +Anxiety builds up in me for various reasons. Sometimes, it is related to work, sometimes things not going my way, or sometimes pretty mundane things. It slowly creeps in me and my mood is spoiled. Previously I was never able to tell that anxiety had built up in me. I would only become aware of it when I blew the lid on something. During COVID, the unfortunate victim became my spouse. I also blew up my relationship with my boss during that time. So once I spoiled the mood around me, or picked up a fight, I would see that things are fucked up. I always blamed the spouse, work or boss for the fight or issues, yet the culprit was mostly my anxiety that slowly built up and got channeled where I had hidden resentments. + +It is only during past week that I have finally been able to see the pattern and it is startling. I feel so ashamed and resentful. The sad truth is that I don't see any quick remedy for this either. You see, there will always be some dormant resentments inside me. There are issues between me and my spouse, that we cannot agree on. There will always be resentment which I have how I get treated at work or how I handle more work than the others etc. And whenever anxiety builds up, it needs a channel for relief. I'm afraid my mind will always pick these targets over and over. + +I have come to this community to ask for your advice, that what I feel is also how you have felt at some time? I want to take this anxiety and channel it for something constructive. I can't change my spouse, I can't get that promotion. But I can always put effort to find a new job, always choose kindness for my spouse instead of turning things to arguments. How does one make this change? How not being able to channel this energy constructively not become an anxiety in itself too? I need some encouragement and guidance. Thanks",I have finally been able to see my anxiety and I'm heartbroken,1 +1144,"First time Poster so I apologize in advance for any formating issues. +I just came to realize how numb I feel today. For some contest I (24F) have been struggling mentally pretty much since childhood.I've had low self-confidence,anxiety and have been pretty depressed for as long as I can remember. Life has always kinda sucked and any good times usually don't last more than a couple of days so I guess all the hurt and disappointment has been building up and now I'm almost completely numb aside from the random anxiety attacks at 3am. +I've been aware of this for a while, but the sheer extent of how tired I am and how I don't care about anything anymore hit me today when I found out that all the neglect towards my studies has caught up to me and will most likely result in me either barely passing uni or not even being able to graduate meaning I will have no degree and just wasted a bunch of time for nothing. The tought of that used to scare me, but now I just don't care that much . I am so lost on how to improve but at the same time I don't have the desire to do anything about it. All I wanna do is sleep and not wake up I wish time would just stop. I don't know why I'm writing this for some advice maybe ?or just venting to strangers online is alot easier and cheaper than therapy.",Wasting away,1 +1145,That's it,I will never be grateful for a life I don't want to live.,1 +1146,"Seriously, every single one of us are fucking warriors. + +From the monumental effort it takes to drag ourselves into consciousness when we just want to sleep forever to showing up at work & pretending you haven’t spent the morning crying or thinking of hurting yourself or wanting to just check out permanently or all of the above. + +I know it’s horrible that we do have to deal with it, but taking a second to recognize how monumentally tough we are is important I think as we always get stuck on the things we hate about ourselves. +It is one positive thing that every person reading this who is battling depression, the absolute Herculean strength we have is absolutely incredible. + +If you’re reading this, you are incredible, the strength you show every single day is something that most people can’t even fathom. + +I had a bad day today & wanted to try & shed some positivity on it & share that with anyone else struggling right now. + +You are brilliant.",People with depression are strong as fuck.,1 +1147,yeah,"nobody can change my mind anymore. i’ll do it soon, just soon. just you fucking wait. i’m sick of living, nobody can change my mind anymore",1 +1148,"This group makes me realize that we all suffer the human condition… Never feel alone, millions of people are going through the exact same thoughts as you. PLEASE do not feel like the odd one out. My moms dad and brother committed suicide… they missed out on kids, grandkids, weddings, holidays, family vacations, belly laughs, ect. Pain in life is guaranteed, but so are good moments. Everything, and I mean everything gets better in time, one day you will look back and the things that matter to you now won’t even cross your mind. You can and WILL get out of this dark hole. Be patient with yourself, forgive yourself. You can heal and your life can be better than what it is now ❤️ I know it does not seem like it, and I know you will roll your eyes, flip over in bed and indulge in your depression, but day by day it will lift. Get fresh air, feel the sunshine, sit by the beach or in nature. Talk to a loved one or friend. Write in a journal. Eat something you like and take a nice hot shower and put on your favorite show. Keep going",❤️,1 +1149,"i (23F) have been struggling with my mental health since i was 13. + +i started taking sertraline for anxiety about two years ago, which helps some but not for the panic attacks. + +ive started mirtazapine for sleeping which helps. + +but the depression is something that hasnt gone away. most days, its manageable. im good for a couple weeks, i do my schoolwork, i clean, im motivated to do everything and anything, i feel amazing. then for a couple weeks its bad again, i struggle to get up and go to school, my rooms a disaster, i shut down and it just seems like ill always be in this cycle.",does it ever get better?,1 +1150,"TW: self harm + +Lately I've been feeling really upset. Things have been bad since I was little but I'm considering giving up. I'm only 15 and I've been cutting myself since I was 12. I feel like nothing I do is good enough and I thought I could do everything alone but I can't. Everything is piling up and I just feel so alone. I don't think I can keep doing this. Everything is just going to shit for me. +People keep taking advantage of my care and kindness, everyone keeps leaving me, I miss my mother even though she was a drinker, I'm so tired. Mentally and physically. I don't know what to do. I can't fix myself. But I'm trying so hard to.",I need help.,1 +1151,"I feel like I was meant to feel miserable. I try to put myself out there but instead I get treated like shit. Nobody care about me as a person. I get used and eventually discarded like trash. I don’t even classify myself as a human nor do I classify myself as a live creature. I just exist. I’m just a walking and talking object. I’m nearing my wits end, nothing seems to get any better, nor do think it ever will. I feel like the only way to improve, is to take my own life.",I deserve to suffer.,1 +1152,"When do the tears stop. When does this empty feeling stop. When does the erge to selfharm stop. When does the pain stop. +Im tired of crying myself to sleep and having no one to talk to about this. They see me happy one day and the following they try list all my triggers. + +I feel like the only reason i havnt killed myself is because of my sister. Shes the only one that understands why i take the pills. Shes the only one who asks how im going on a specific day. But again she is a child so i know i cannot burden her with these thoughts. And she cannot become the people i need her to be and her words are starting to sound like whispers compared to the screaming pain. + +Everytime they bring up the pills it makes me feel even more useless than i already feel. Everytime I have to remind someone how to love me i somehoe loose the love i have for myself. I see you trying but its just not enough. When does the pain of it all end. Will i ever be happy in this life? Or should i just give up whiles its still early?",When does it all stop,1 +1153,"one of the main symptoms of clinical depression is feeling tired, but is it possible that on some days you feel way more tired then the other day even if you feel like your sleep was the same as those other days?",is it possible that on some days you feel way more tired then the other day even if you feel like your sleep was the same as those other days?,1 +1154,"I was depressed for many months and took help from therapist,so I was prescribed with depressents.I actually improved a lot I have some peace of mind now, but I am not able to cry even if I want to remove the negative emotion.Hardly I just cry 2 drops not more than that hence I try watching sad movies which makes me cry.Idk wht to do.",i find it hard to cry and am so overwhelmed,1 +1155,currently in the military stationed overseas…. it’s the weekend and i don’t have much planned except HW. i think staying in the barracks is what makes me even more depressed but today just feels super ehhh…. i’m in a LDR and i won’t be home for another 80 days with seems so far away. i just miss my family and friends and wish i could be home with everyone i know and love.,Feeling depressed and sad..,1 +1156,"How to deal with depression? I am an engineering student and we are a poor family. We are not financially stable. And I am failing my class. I always do my best and still fail. I don't have a healthy relationship with my family. I feel like my parents doesn't love/want me to he their child. Everyone keeps on leaving me. I don't have anyone to vent out. I don't have friends in school since I am an irregular student. The girl I love just ghosted me today. I don't have anybody right now. These past few days has been rough (all my life has been rough) and coz of that I've been always thinking of ending my life. All I have is myself. And I want to end my suffering. I've been dealing with this with all my life. I just celebrated my birthday last friday and it's the first time I celebrated my bday since I'm thinking that it's my last and I just wanna have fun, but during my bday, I lost my friends and I lost my girl. So yea, I just want to end my life right now. I don't know how to cope with this :>",I'm suicidal,1 +1157,"Needing a rant, and maybe support from people who have been through similar + +I guess this is a rant? Or maybe just asking if people have been in similar situations. + +Edit to add, I'm in Scotland. + +So I've been off work for a year now with severe MH, had 2 S attempts and multiple SH requiring hospitalisation last year. + +I'm on duloxetine 120mg for severe depression, underactive thyroid which I take lebothyroxine for,I have narcolepsy and take 200mg modafinil for that, and I have a blood disorder (cancer?) Currently undergoing tests. All these things major symptom is chronic exhaustion but I also have chronic pain (R knee operated on 2020 and currently waiting on L knee op), we're querying fibromyalgia. + +I applied for ADP in November last year, and submitted my part 2 in December. +I submitted as part of my supporting evidence a short patient summary from my GP, my medication list (Inc up to date prescription repeats forms), letters from my therapist, letters from the police (involvement after S and severe SH), letters from my mental health team, letters from psych, and a letter from my GP detailing all above and support. + +I've heard nothing from ADP so today went to online chat and was told it's been picked up by a case manager (yay) , but that they've requested more SI from my GP. + +What?!?!? + +What else could they need? And if they've requested that from GP it'll take months before I hear. It took my GP 5 months just to write the support letter they did write. + +So now I'm in an anxiety spiral because if they're gonna deny my claim I wish they would just fucking tell me instead of making me wait 6+months. All the while I can't afford my mortgage and I'm getting deeper and deeper in debt. + + +Urgh. Rant over.",My partner just came home so angry he immediately left to work out. I feel so bad. I feel this is my fault,1 +1158," +My therapy got canceled and I really need it. I got things I want to say and I want to work through this crap I'm going through, but my appointments keep getting pushed and pushed and I'm irritated and I'm angry and I'm furious that I'm in this alone. I want to work through my issues but I can't because i can't talk to anyone and I have to wait 2 weeks for my first damn appointment and it sucks cuz I have school and It’s stressing me out. I feel the universe is against me. I hate being told by the universe that this is for my own good and that I must go through this In order to be a better person. it feels like a power over me. Like I'm being controlled by someone. I hate someone controlling me and telling me it's for my own good, it's degrading and I hate it and I hate it and hate it and my mind is manipulating me to feel like I need to be kind. My mind is against me and I have to push through even when its against me. I feel like the victim I hate being the victim I can feel sad in peace because I have a mind that sabtoges me. I wish I could just be unaware and feel my feelings without having to play devils advocate with myself thus nullifying or undermining my feelings. My mom is being a bitch she litrally doesn't understand that her words hurt but she laughs like it's funny and she makes me want to hit her because fuck that shit hurts and I want to hurt you the way you are fucking hurting me. I need help they say reach out for help but help has a schedule and she need you to wait till she's is available. Why do I have to follow these rules i hate these damn rules.",Canceled once Again,1 +1159,"I‘m so unhappy. I dislike myself and my life so fundamentally, I don’t know how to fix it. I think I’m nothing much of anything and there doesn’t seem to be potential for growth. I’ve been wasting away to be honest. I don’t care about life, and the truly shitty thing seems to be, that nobody seems to be worth fighting to keep being. I’ve played along but it’s getting harder each day. My own dishonesty about how deep this runs has just been coming up a lot lately. I’m just always looking at the clock for time to pass, for oblivion to enter. I cannot stand existing, maybe that’s called depression, with other issues included, that just don’t seem worth solving at this point. So I’m just wondering, how is your life? How are you fairing and dealing with this? Do you have family that motivates you? Friends? Do you find ways to love life or make it work or worth it somehow? Are you ever angry?",Just another unhappy life?,1 +1160,"Can't stop being toxic + +I know I don't want to be but I can't change",I want to give up,1 +1161,"As the title says , i have lost motivation to do anything in life. +I can write thousands of word but i will try to keep it short. + +I used to have keen interest in music and astronomy.. i loved watching movies and tv shows too. + +But since last 4-5 months , it's like nothing excites me anymore. I can't enjoy anything now. +I feel bored with myself, whenever i am talking with someone they get bored of me ( which is obvious because i never have anything to talk about). + +Everything feels so bland. +And even when i think about how i can inculcate some new hobbies in me.. it doesn't really help me feel any better. + +It feels like.. there is nothing left in this world that can satisfy me or give me purpose atleast.",No motivation,1 +1162,"I have been depressed for 3-4 years because I am unattractive to women. It's not their fault that they don't find me attractive, the problem is me because I am not cool enough for them. + +I get very anxious when talking to girls because I always feel that something bad is gonna happen. That repells them and even if they found me attractive they end up telling me that they are not interested. + + +How do I explain this to a therapist and how is he/she gonna help me? I feel like this problem is impossible to fix because you can't make a person (me) attractive.",How to explain the cause of my depression to a therapist?,1 +1163,"I just want to go to sleep and never wake up, yesterday i took 7 mg and today 10","Second day of over dosing lorazepam, hoping it will end this reality as i sleep",1 +1164,"Last week I was planning on ending it all being serious. + +But I woke up today and just felt happy, I’ve been smiling all day for no reason it’s like depression but in reverse + +Keep in mind nothing changed same ole same ole + +Is there any reason for this? + +Thanks",Why am I so happy now?,1 +1165,"((throwaway because a common friend follows my main account)) + +Some brief background info: +I have autism so I may not always understand all social cues. Neither my friend nor I live in the US. + +I have a friend going through a hard time right now. He has depression and recently has been experiencing all sorts of physcial issues. He's had depression before I even met him and have never seen him this low. He also has money problems and thus can't afford treatment for his physical issues atm. + +What's the best way to support him? +I cannot support him financially since i also have almost no money. + Whenever i talk to him he gives short and/or snappy answers and is generally in a bad mood. Whenever I talk about positive things, it feels preachy or that I'm ""rubbing happiness in his face"". Whenever i try to talk about neutral things (basically small talk) the conversation dies off. So he's understandably a bit difficult to talk to as of late. + +I admit, it's difficult and hurtful at times but I just want to know what would be the best way to provide my support. + + Any and all clarifying questions are welcome, I just want to provide the best support I can.",How can i best support my friend?,1 +1166,"I mean, it's as simple as that. +I'm tired of living like this. Tired of living in general, and everything it involves — interpersonal relationships, people, politics, economy, thinking, expectatives. All that crap makes me feel like shit and I wish I could turn it all off. + +However I don't want to die. That would hurt the people around me. That would hurt my mom. And my little sister. And, unlike other situations, I wouldn't be here to (at least try to) fix it. They'd be left with the same nothingness that I feel, but worse cuz ofc death of a loved one is worse than just my own personal regrets. + +So I just wish I hadn't been born. That my mom had had a miscarriage — that would've hurt, yeah, but not for long —, or that I'd never been conceived, or something. I wish I was a blank space in the Universe. Something that had never existed. A hole or something like that. +They say energy can't be destructed and I wish it wasn't like that. I wish I could just disappear completely from existence and leave no trace, I wish people would just forget everything about me so I could die without it being a sin. + +Is there a way to stop feeling like this? Cuz the only way to stop existing is dying, and I've already said why I don't want to kms, exactly. Is there a way to avoid it? Can it get better?","I wish I hadn't been born,, help",1 +1167,"I don't understand why I've had hope that things will ever change. My brain is, and will always be, broken and I can't go through a single day without feeling the heaviness of my own existence. I suffer by living through every meaningless day. Other than the 2 times or so a year I get the chance to step out of my everyday situation, have a getaway and forget who I am, I have a hard time seeing why I bother going to that effort at all when I would rather be dead for most of it.",I feel like I'm still here just for the sake of my own suffering.,1 +1168,"I'm just so lonely and in my head all the time. I'm trying so hard to make friends, but idk how. It all makes me angry at society as a whole for leaving me all alone. I've wanted friends my whole life. I haven't had any in 20 years. And all I can wonder is why the fuck nobody wants to be near me, or to talk to me, or to even ask me questions. I feel like everyone is actively avoiding me at this point. And I hate them for it. I hate living because of everyone.","Having trouble eating, sleeping, relaxing.",1 +1169,"I go to every sub in Bupropion, Escitalopram, Paroxetine, Effexor, Sertraline, Duloxetine, Mirtazapine, Amitriptyline, Fluoxetine, and I can list more, but every sub says ""this med has the worst withdrawal"". + +Yeah, withdrawals and discontinuation syndromes suck. But discouraging people from taking medication X that his doc prescribed now he's scared to take it is immoral. + +You had this experience, fine, doesn't mean he will. I saw a post on someone taking clonazepam for years on 6 mgs a day. + +He stupidly cold-turkey'd one day and even months later he had no withdrawals. Other's might have lethal seizures. + +It's very annoying to see a question about medication X and then tons of comments practically tell him not to take it because of withdrawals. + +Withdrawals are normal, so are discontinuation syndromes. You must go through it for 1 - 2 weeks, yes, very uncomfortable. I also suffered it. But this is not a reason to discourage someone to take the medication he was prescribed for his illness. + +Not to mention, he is not you. He/She might not experience the same things you did. + +Nice day, ladies and gentlemen","Honestly, which antidepressant withdrawal is not poop?",1 +1170,so stop telling me to try.,Yes it hurts to try when you know you will fail again,1 +1171,"Just feel like a bag of bones, doin nothing in my life, cause I always felt like I won’t fit anywhere. +At least, I hate this world, society, humans. +The school system destroyed me, but I did my best to persevere and try to go the furthest I could. +But now that I’m considered as an adult in this world I just feel too different to achieve anything, +and my opinions (political or philosophical) are just making me so sure about the fact that getting the life that everybody already has, having a work, getting paid, consuming for your pleasure, your needs +being officially included in this consumer society, as a consumer, won't fix anything. +I couldn’t even enjoy my childhood, same with my teenage years. +How am I supposed to have the strength to at least have hope for adulthood? +I’m too tired, this world is sick, +a huge amount of people in this planet talk about happiness as if it were more present than misery. + I can't stand this hypocrisy anymore. +It’s making me feel +🔃",Sometimes emptiness is harder than feeling something,1 +1172,"I am 21 male and currently experiencing major depression. But anyways, I’m too young to kill myself rn and I got things to see and do before I go. Travel, see nature, more romantic experiences, etc. The world is bs as we all know but if I can reach it to 40 I can end it there. On my birthday too. Til then I will to FIGHT to improve myself an acceptable amount and then when the time come I’ll be out. No more anxiety or thinking about death, I’ll face it head on when the time is right. (If I don’t die by another cause before that but hopefully not)",I have made a deal with my depression and this shitty reality,1 +1173,Shows that’ll cheer you up specifically,What’s your go-to show to watch for when you’re depressed?,1 +1174,"Have you had a dear friend tell you that you’re not doing well? Or say things like “you should snap out of it”, “you’re not socializing and that’s bad”, “you took time to get better and you’re getting worse”, “your environment is unhealthy”? + +I’m struggling with depression and anxiety along with chronic back and neck pain. I’m currently on temporary disability for the past five months. I’ve been doing therapy with a therapist every week, plus physical therapy. I’m also on medication for depression/anxiety for over a year. My symptoms haven’t changed. I’ve shared my heart with friends. And recently a friend told me that I’ve been better in the past, and that friendship is a two way road. It can’t be one sided. This is true. I haven’t been to see her since she moved two hours away in November. We chat on video chat and text message several times a week. I am dealing with anxiety about traveling and going outside my house. I’m working on it with a therapist and it is slow going. + +I love my friend dearly and I asked that we take a break from talking because her seeing me this way is difficult to watch (friends words) and it’s not healthy for me to feel bad about myself after chatting with her. + +I’m reaching out to this community in hopes of finding support in a depressive state.","How do you cope with friends/family, that really know you and have seen you before depression diagnosis?",1 +1175,"I’m a 26 year old woman still living at home with mom and step dad. I live in the outskirts of Los Angeles so it’s not like I’m in the most affordable of areas but ya… I went to school got 2 associates degrees and then just dropped out after that. I haven’t really done anything since, just hopped around from job to job, up until recently where I went through another horrible depressive episode and missed a few days of work and for the first time in my life got FIRED! I deserved it but wow has it made me realize how not normal I really am. I’ve been depressed and horrible anxious since I can remember and it’s gotten in the way of everything and everyone my entire life… i guess my question here is what should I start doing with my life? I feel as though I want a fresh start. I’ve been sitting here for the past week and I can’t for the life of me figure out what to do. All I know is I can not work another customer service job, I hate them so much. Please give suggestions on job paths for people like me. Thank you!!!","Jobless, depressed, unmotivated 26 year old loser",1 +1176,Why is everything unexpectedly hard when i am faced with it?,Everything is so hard,1 +1177,"Anyone fired a long time Therapist ? + +Not happy with discussion or results . + +So hard to find, afraid to stop. + +Thoughts ?",Firing a Therapist ?,1 +1178,"A lot of people talk about the Winter blues, but for me Spring by far (at least in recent years), is painfully depressing. + +It’s like the smell in the air, mixed with the temperature and longer/brighter daytime present this fake sense of happiness. + +It’s as if when I’m outside, things seem “too happy” and that scent in the air is gut-wrenchingly nostalgic of a past-time that can never be felt or experienced again. Because I’m not capable of it and I’m too worn-down to, anyway. + +I actually remember when I was little (29 now) that I loved clear, sunny weather. I looked up the forecast almost obsessively ahead of time, banking on those days of where there are no clouds to block the sun. Not even partly cloudy. + +It’s perplexing to think I was once like this since nowadays, I despise sunny weather. I genuinely feel better and more comfortable when it is cloudy with rain. Especially the eccentric types of weather where it looks as if nighttime has arrived too early, but instead it’s just a storm brewing. Not to mention, I am at my peak mindset and performance late at night. + +What the hell happened.",Why do I find the Spring so depressing?,1 +1179,"This is a new account because I don't want it linked to my old one. I have had quite a lot of awful things happen to me in the last 10 months, which most of which I reconise is entirely my fault. I had a miscarriage and was very horribly assulted by a man which caused me to spiral, develop an eating disorder, take far too many drugs and drink too much, cheat on my love of my life and break up with him, I got sober and became friends again with my now exbf and I did a lot of healing and (now have ) celebrated 200 days sober. It had been about 5/6 months and me and my ex boyfriend at the time who were incredibly close (after I got sober) despite all the arguements and it became a bit of a situationship and we then got back together. We were together for 2 and a bit months and it was really very wonderful apart from maybe two problems and he was still healing from my betrayal, which I will always carry the guilt. He then broke up with me around 5 weeks ago and I am at my whits end. I have a 6 week thearpy course I paid for which will end in two weeks. I have now gotten it in my head I am deserving of all my guilt and pain, which I am for most of it DEFO - I am not looking for sympathy dw - but I have convinced myself walking around today that the next earth shattering or heart breaking thing I will walk into traffic or try and end my life in a way that makes it looks accidental so no one has the burden. This deep suicidal ideation has happened before but it feels really final this time, now I have basically no one to bother with this news espeically since I am a teacher. any comments would be helpful on what to do.",Not sure what to do! I have done everything possible! TW,1 +1180,"I can't seem to talk to anyone truthfully about how I feel. No one respects me anymore. Give importance to what I do, respect my job, see my importance, or even care about how I feel. I'm so frustrated to the point that I can only hurt myself but can't kill myself. I have a little boy that keeps me going but I don't know up until when or how far I can go. I'm trapped in this cycle for years with no resolution.",Help. I'm in a situation worse than killing myself.,1 +1181,Hello has anyone here been in a 3 week intensive therapy program where it's you learn coping skills amd other things with a psychiatrist. I'm start one as soon as my referal goes thru and she said sessions with be Monday & Wednesdays 1 to 4 for 3 weeks. Can anyone give insight ?,Intensive outpatient therapy program,1 +1182,"Im really mad at myself and get anger issues I keep inside of me… I feel like going on a rampage, go absolutely insane.. +Main reason is because usually when I mess things up with a girl for being too shy or nervous… I could really go fucking crazy and I can’t fix it… I overthink situations with girls too much so I hesitate and miss my chance. Right after that I just wanna rage!!! + +I then later feel more depressed and it really affects my mood and mental health",Starting to really hate myself,1 +1183,"Not having responsibilities, getting excited over the little things in life, making friends was way easier. I was obsessed with Pokémon and spent most of my days biking around the neighborhood with friends, just doing kid stuff like trying to invent new parkour tricks. Having fun felt so effortless. + +The things I would do to go back even for a day. I genuinely don't think I'll ever be as happy again and that just crushes me",I wish I were a kid again,1 +1184,I am convinced working just makes me depressed. Dealing with people as a loner on a regular basis is draining. Wish I was rich and could leave it all behind.,Life sucks when you don't have freedom from a 9-5,1 +1185,"My depression has definitely improved over the years yet, I still will get these really bad depressive episodes that lasts a few weeks (almost a month). I’m not sure what triggers it. I just need advice on how to handle it better. I’m also in therapy and I’ve decided to take a break from smoking to see if that would help but, it’s not :/",What is the best way to get through a depressive episode?,1 +1186,"it’s been 3 months of nonstop stress and financial troubles. i can’t stop crying. every single day i start scream crying at least once. + +it’s all so hard and i so wish i could see the beauty, calm and strength in life. i miss it so badly and i know it’s still there and i want to be around to see it. + +i wish i could run away and change my name and live a life with grace and beauty and dignity. i’m so tired and distraught",i just can’t stop crying,1 +1187,"Hi Everyone, + +I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year, but had probably been dealing with it my whole life. + +I have a handful of medications that have helped me a lot, but occasionally I get these slumps of depression still. + +Before they always seemed to line up with PMS so I attributed them to that, but this one is on the opposite part of my cycle. I feel like I'm wasting my cycles best time! + +Anyway, I'm struggling to find a trigger. Was there a trigger? I'll obviously discuss this with my psychiatrist, but I don't know. + +I guess I just want to hear other's experiences with this type of episode. I went from high energy and cooking dinner to not being able to shower or work? I felt disconnected from my partner, like we were more in an arrangement to be married, not in love. That sounds awful, but my emotions just weren't there. I think I'm coming out of it now, I took a shower, got my eyebrows done, and had my legs waxed. Maybe I'll pay to get a Mani/Pedi. + +Thank you for reading my ramble. +Is this just life with depression?",2 week depression episode,1 +1188,"I (24) m for the past 10 years have been pretty depressed since I grew up moving home to home among my relatives constantly being around drugs and alcohol. Since I move around a lot I can't get a real attachment to anyone which is sad for me with the exception is my GF of 7 soon to be 8 years. But I lately I've begun to realize that I feel more comfortable being a depressed guy than happy, it's more like I rather be sad and tired so others can be happy. For example my gf's family have taken me in as their own even giving me the nickname ""Mikwap"" (mee-gwap) which roughly translated to home in our language. + +Anyways, I wouldn't say no to them when they asked something of me. Nothing too crazy, simple things like small chores that theirs children refuse to do, lend them money when they need, or drive 4+ hours for an event. There are more things. But I do stuff like this for my actual family too and it's making me feel drained mentally and physically which leeds to my depression. I don't have a lot of time to myself and I struggled with nearly becoming an alcoholic. I sacrifice myself like this because I want to see everyone smile and be comfortable especially the children in both families. I don't want them to have a hard life moving around or being around drugs and alcohol. Lately my gf has been telling me not to worry about everyone so much and take time to myself. I considered it but I'm worried something will happen if I'm not around to help. + +I'm at work right now while I type this. And would like some outside opinions. + +Also I'm sorry about the title, I just use small amounts of humors to hide my depression",I got the big sad but I prefer it that way,1 +1189,"I need to premise this with saying that I recognise that I drink as it is the only time I don't feel anxious anymore, and it's a vicious cycle. And so, please, telling me that stopping drinking is an obvious step I am taking now and it certainly doesn't help to say this to me now. + +Recently, I have been feeling increasingly anxious and paranoid after drinking about things I may have done or said during the night. This is obviously even worse if there are moments of the night I don't remember or if I blackout. + +After a recent night out, I dont remember going back home from the club with some colleagues who I am semi close with (im new to the job). There is basically a 200meter walk home that I dont remember. I asked, and I was told by them that I was very drunk and was vomiting, but other than that it was a great night and we should do it again. + +However, I am absolutely convinced that I said or did something bad that night. Just like I'm always convinced I did something bad the previous time. That I maybe told them I want to rape/hurt/abuse someone, or that I was racist towards someone, or that I said a secret. And even if they said that it was absolutely fine, I'm convinced that they are hiding something from me, that they are waiting for the perfect moment to expose me. That they are all laughing/talking behind my back. I feel like I ruminate over scenarios I may not remember or know even happen, so much, that memories almost build themselves in my head and from moment to moment a memory is more and more vivid. + +This is not a new thing in my life, I wake up terrified of checking my phone for embarrassing or illegal things I may have done, if there's a murder in the news I check the location to ensure there was no chance it could be me. + +The same happens in my sober life. I convince myself that someone is angry at me so I will spend literal hours looking over a phone chat between us. Thoughts or worries plant themselves in my head and I cannot let them go. One day I raped someone, the next I have cancer. One day I pissed someone off, the next day the past is coming to get me. I'm terrified of getting out of bed as something will trigger panic. + +If someone can relate to this then I virtually plead for a comment or chat. I feel like I am losing control of my thoughts and emotions and this goes for sober life as much as when I drink.",Can someone relate or am I broken?,1 +1190,"I'm probably not as intense than anyone here idk. But i feel... Alone? Not my parents not my friend in school nobody barely caare about me. Not even talking none. I feel this heart of mine is just as empty as a loud barrel and as freezing as morning winter in the mountains. Im tired of trying, trying to make them even glance at me, i tried all the thigs i could think of such as being more talkative, pop more jokes, they do laugh but i don't feel any noteable form of relationship. +At First i thought i could fight by myself so even if i have no mental support i could breach through life but as days come it gets worse, now everytime i think about it my neck and arm feels itchy and tingly. I don't want to die but at the same time i dont want to continue. I wish there is this option of sleeping it away forever. +Tbf why am i even writing this, what? did i think somebody gonna come and care? Ridiculous.",bad,1 +1191,So tired of doing life and being here. I'm slowly just falling apart AGAIN yet I'm supposed to just keep on going for whatever reason. I don't even understand the point of life anymore. Nothing matters to me anymore and its scaring me that I just don't feel like living anymore. Here we go again down this spiral.,Exhausted just existing everyday,1 +1192," ""I don't feel very good, it's like I don't belong in this world (I don't think I ever did). My friends are happy, and I'm always the one who's not really funny and who ruins the mood. So now I try to say as little as possible, people always ask me if I'm okay, if I'm tired, or worse, they say I'm scary. I think I'm just a mistake. People must find me weird or creepy, it's ruining me. A few years ago, my brother committed suicide, I felt very close to him, I think about his death all the time, I wish I could start my life over again and make the right choices (for once). What affects me the most is girls, I think... It's ridiculous, but I would love to have a relationship with a (very) pretty girl. Sometimes I think I've suffered so much that I would at least deserve that. I saw the damage my brother's death caused in my family, now I think if I didn't have a family to make suffer => suicide. My message is so selfish, and I know it. Thank you for reading these few lines..."" + +\-Lust",Selfishness,1 +1193,"When I look back 1 year ago for example, it’s not so much that it feels like life has changed, but more like it’s absolutely not the same reality. I’m in the exact same house that I was in, the exact same rooms, and the exact same backyards, but it’s just not the same place. It felt like a different world, despite there being very few things different from the environment. + +It generally isn’t very distressing but it gets in the way when I wanna be happy again. I don’t know how to completely explain this phenomenon but I do know that it’s mental.",this isn’t the same place even though it’s literally the same place physically.,1 +1194,"I've been feeling awfully lonely lately, I've been socially isolating myself for the longest time now because I was dealing with shit like sudden weight gain, crying over my past, or having lack of friends in my class. + +But I know how to solve those issues, like going to a bar, talking on different discord servers, local meetups, or joining an interest club etc. Seems logical right? That's how to solve my feelings of loneliness. + +But at the same time I feel like everything requires too much effort. I want to make new friends, but at the same time I don't want to and I end up accidentally ghosting people because of my social isolation. I want to talk to people about my interests and discover new shows or theories, but at the same time I feel tired and don't want to. + +I end up sobbing again because I feel like I'm stuck in a loop like this and don't know what to do anymore. + +Please tell me what's wrong with me. I hate this dilemma.",Why am I still feeling frustrated and crying even though I know the solutions to my problems? (Struggling with making new friends),1 +1195," +ok, so Me(24M) have been with my gf(25F) for a little over three years. We have had a very very difficult relationship! Recently have found out that she has BPD! We have had problems with being “intimate” with each other for majority of the relationship! She had given birth to her kid just a few months before we got together, so I figured it was post partom. Granted I have been a bit understanding not the best but I’ve tried very hard. However, it will be 4 years soon since she’s had him so I’m not understanding as much now as to why it’s such an issue to want me! We will have literal fights about it cause I feel like I’m not loved or wanted! She always tells me it’s not me and it’s just her head, but as a person who has A LOT of mental disorders I just can’t seem to believe her! So now she gets diagnosed with BPD, and I’m wondering if this would have an effect on her sex drive also! I also have BPD but I still have a sex drive… It’s getting to the point that I want to leave the relationship, cause I’m not getting what I need! I have a VERY high sex drive and she was told about this when we started dating! I love her with everything in me and would love to spend the rest of my life with her and our child. I just don’t know if I can continue to go on feeling like this every time I want to be touched…",Me(24m) her(25F) BPD & Sex Drive?,1 +1196,"Honestly, I feel like God's longest running joke and I'm just tired of it. Everything has always felt empty and hopeless. My dad died before I was born, my mom went crazy, I invested all my teen years in caring for her that I now I have no idea who I am or have any social skills, and now she's dead. I thought it would help me move on, but a few months after my boyfriend cheated on me and I left to a a new town for school. Since coming here I've only come to realize I'm not anything, my only reason to exist was to care for my mom and now that's gone there's no purpose for me. I'll never be normal like everyone else. Never fit in. Never be pretty or smart or liked. I'm just worthless now. + +I really want to just give up. Each day I'm more and more tempted to withdraw from college, and live off my inheritance the rest of my life, never leaving my apartment and only getting high to feel something more than regret and depression.",Just want to be high and never leave my apartment for the rest of my life...,1 +1197,"So, when I have my real bad downs there isn't any way to just pull me out of there. I usually just sit through it. It's not nice but I can't do anything about it. +Why is it that other people keep suggesting ""find a way out of it""? It's not like I haven't tried. I get to hear that everytime I open up a bit about that topic. (Then I regret doing so) +It feels like I'm failing at everything when they mention stuff like that. Like I'm too stupid to find a way out. +How do you deal with such stuff? Do you deal with it in the first place?",solutions,1 +1198,Ive been feeling this way for almost all my life but WAYY more so in the past 1 year.,I’m pretty sure I’m depressed..,1 +1199,"I’m a 22 year old male, I really can’t be bothered to let all this bullshit play out for the rest of my life. + +My family is dead, or too abusive for me to risk speaking too. + +I have let countless opportunities get away from me and now my only skill is dishwashing and cooking, which I hate and I am forced to do it to survive and pay my rent. + +I’m by no means physically attractive and constantly am told (subtly or not) that I am ugly. Really like my facial structure itself is terrible. I’m losing my hair at this early age, and have a gross and large surgery scar on my stomach. People look at me with disgust in public. I have such low self esteem I cannot ever stand up for myself and if I try I get laughed at. Constantly treated with no respect unless it’s sympathy or pity, and I’m very awkward and weird. + +I always make mistakes, can’t handle myself under pressure, constantly miss things and can barely make life decisions on my own, which I’m forced to do because I don’t have anyone else. It’s like my brain is a level lower than everyone else’s. When I have a chat with people they can insult me and I don’t even realise because I am so slow until later and then I feel so upset and resentful. + +I had a group of friends , they are all good looking and live at home with their parents so they are able to have so much money to party and hangout , as we’ve grown out of Highschool age they’ve seen as I’ve devolved and aged badly and how pathetic, spineless and valueless I really am. I feel like I’ve been exposed. Now I don’t get invited , and when I do occasionally see them for something I can afford , I am the pathetic butt of the joke. + +I used to have girls interested with me , perhaps because I was younger and better looking and confident because I was unaware. Now I seriously have no chance . + +I don’t know how to have social interactions anymore, and I always feel like I said the wrong thing, that I’m different from other people in a terrible way. + +Out of sync with life and destined to be one of the unfortunate disgusting underclass. + +The only thing that stops me from ending it all is that I have a sister who is younger than me and I am quite close with. She is well put together and successful, and since she has no family either I know how much it’ll devastate her to lose me. + +These days sometimes I think she would be fine though… + +Life is not fair to some of us",I can’t be bothered anymore.,1 +1200,I’m drowning more and more everyday.,Depression feels like you’re drowning and there is no way out,1 +1201,"ive been to a mental hospital under involuntary admission, but almost 2 years ago as a minor... was hoping for some help + + +-is it expensive? relatively, and with insurance. maybe for like 3-7 days? + +-is it generally not recommended unless absolutely necessary to go to an adult ward? + + +im almost 18 and i dont want to cost my parents more money considering college but i think i need help.. unsure what to do",mental hospital- payment and ward logistic questions,1 +0,"The book is available [Here](https://thewellnesssociety.org/free-coronavirus-anxiety-workbook/) from The Wellness Society. Everyone right now needs a little extra help and hopefully, this e-book can assist some of you in uncovering the toolset you need during this abnormal time, or at least it might help with bridging the gap between now and when you may be able to seek more professional assistance. Obviously, it's not a solution to all problems, and some of you are going to be going through a lot more than others, but I hope many of you can find it useful. +Stay safe, stay healthy.","Free Covid-19 Anxiety e-Workbook. Please, take care of yourselves and of each other. See text for link.",0 +1,"Time and Stress Management - Free online course + +Time management and stress management are two key components to succeeding in life. Creating a system to identify, evaluate, and eliminate distractors and stressors will lead to a more productive and efficient life, inside and outside of work. In this course, you will learn how to earn more time and be less stressed. + +[https://formationgratuite.net/Time-and-Stress-Management/](https://formationgratuite.net/Time-and-Stress-Management/)",Time and Stress Management - Free online course,0 +2,,What to use when you are stressing a lot Maybe some vitamins or minerals?,0 +3,"I have been in a relationship for the past few months and for the first 3 of the months things have been good. This month as been very stressful between work and school and my mental health have just been deteriorating, and because of that I’ve been more easily irritated. I get into arguments now with my gf everyday about the most mundane things. I am mostly at fault since I’m the one starting them, I’ve just felt like nothing has been enough or certain things she doe’s irritates me. I don’t blame her for anything, she has been the best partner ever and has been very supportive. I just can’t get a hold of my temper and I’m scared it’s gonna drive us apart. I don’t want to be angry I just want to love her and not make her be sad.",Stress is ruining my relationship,0 +4,"Hello I'm currently in my third year of university. Since the start I have been very stressed and at times had bad thoughts come into my head. I tried to talk to my parents about switching programs or go to university with less expectations (The University I'm going to is known to be brutal to their students). Sadly that didn't work which I understand from my parents side if I get through it then it will pay off. The next two years for me is just going to be quite scary as I'll be doing a Full Time course load in the Fall, Spring and Summer for two years straight. Just ranting I guess and some sort of motivation would be nice honestly. + +School for me has always been a stressful topic and has never changed even in high school I'd say I've always been so anxious or stressed about the topic. Though what I can say is that once I do the two years at least I am out and finish my degree and I can move on from the idea of school. Just ranting at this point as this topic has definitely affected me a lot through out the years but this week it has affected me more than ever but I am now coming into terms that with the two year plan I got going it's not going to be that bad forever.",University Degree Stress,0 +5,"I really wish anyone can help me or i just wanna know if anyone is experiencing the same things i am because i havent found anyone who has. Im getting headaches/migraines every single day. Its been around 2 months now, this isnt the first time this has happened to me it happened 2 years ago same thing. I had migraines every single day non stop for like a year straight, to the point where i couldnt even eat and developed photophobia and couldtn even turn on my room lights or anything. So it eventually went away after a couple months but im back in here again. Doctors tell me that its stress/anxiety but it just doesnt make sense to me as to why it gets this bad to the point where i cant even get up from my bed or be awake for long hours before feeling pain, no one gets it this bad for this long, 7+ months NON Stop??? So it started around November with panic attacks and anxiety, usually something triggers my anxiety and i can control it, but no not this time it happens even when im happy out of nowhere i just feel bad all the time and super weak, then it progressed to me feeling okay in the morning and bad at night, i always knew id feel bad at night so i would do my daily duties during the day. Then it progressed even more to where i started getting my migraines/headaches every day and the light started triggering them. And now end of march im back in my room again lights off, headaches everyday, cant go out cant do anything, i can barely even be on my phone, lights all the way down and blue light off. I did notice though that it starts in my neck and shoulders and where my arms start on my back. I massage myself everyday, i try to take medications but they all give me extreme side effects even tylenol. I know itll be a few months before i get better, but i wish i knew more people that have gone thru this, i even tried magnesium gummies and got side effects from those as well. Ive been doing so well with my anxiety and i try to feel okay and get distracted but the pain never ever ever goes away just gets worse and calms down, please someone help!",Chronic stress help,0 +6,"I thought I had it under control, then I had a surgery and was put into surgical menopause, then well. Title says the rest. + +I'm on short term disability leave, I got put on another team in a lower role for when I return to work, but i can't let this happen again. + +My triggers Ive found are repeating myself, getting ignored completely, ""have time for a quick call?"", and having to do other people's jobs for them. Now this all being said, none of that should have been happening anyway because all that is supposed to go to my TOM, not me. + +They're letting me back in little by little to avoid another nervous breakdown next week, but I'm already feeling the stress. + +I can't take long walks yet, can't do light cleaning, no baths for 8 more weeks, can't do really anything physical (surgery restrictions), so I need some ideas how to cope. Or ideas on reasonable boundaries I can set. + +Thanks!",Acute stress disorder,0 +7,,is breast tenderness a symptom of stress?,0 +8," I'm a software developer and work long hours sometimes. When I get a complex problem to solve I'm getting nervous and eventually had tension headaches lasting for the entire day. At this stage, I cannot solve a simple problem even 1 + 1. My entire head is overtaken by the pressure and there is no space for other thoughts. Antidepressants provide some relief but destroy my sexual life. This is a horrible way to live so I'm thinking to start a coffee shop and resign from IT. I really love IT and programming but my biochemistry just doesn't want me to be in there.",IT and anxiety,0 +9,,What are some things that help you destress?,0 +10,"Stressed. Concerned how I’ll manage to study living on someone’s couch. I want my own place, I miss having a bed and being able to actually rest.. not wake up because you literally sleep in someone’s living room and they have more then 3+ people a day there. I can’t sleep proper. I can’t get money due to closing my Shopify store, i dont get paid from school until July. I just really am in need of peace and food. Ughh","College soon, no money, not even a bed to sleep on.",0 +11,"Guys Im going through my second month of in intern in a legal department, low-key I feel like a failure as I keep doing mistakes which actually feel I'm gonna get fired. Because I feel like I'm pissing off my mentors just by doing mistakes which of course was not intentional, it's just idk man, I've being stressing alot as its my first job and I am scared about pissing my mentors off mainly because I know I'm low-key dumb at the same time :')",Intern,0 +12,At this point I'm not sure if I'm getting sick or if the stress is taking a toll on my body. I've been getting muscle aches every once in awhile over the last 2wks and my body feels so stiff. I've mostly been using tik tok to distract me but it doesn't help with the stress,I'm at max stress levels,0 +13,I’ve noticed recently people around me often have to tell me I’m stressed. I’m reminded that my environment at home is extremely stressful & I have pretty bad anxiety. For some reason I don’t really think I feel stressed but my body weight will fluctuate & my habits are irregular. I feel light headed randomly & my jaw will feel tight. How do you recognize & manage stress better?,Does anyone experience stress…passively?,0 +14,"I am in my mid 30s and have just been given the chance to do an extra year and a half of study in a different University. The degree that I have was more theory based and I really need hands on experience to be employable in my field, which I now have the opportunity to do alongside guaranteed internships and portfolio work. + +My stress levels are currently through the roof about this, as I am worried that I won't be able to match the calibre of current high school leavers, who, even though treated as adults at University, still seem to have that high school mentality. My main issue is, even though not permanent, the dorm style accommodation and the fact that an ""old"" person is living with basically a teenager, although I did apply for a single room with a shared bathroom, so maybe not so bad. + +Usually I wouldn't have a problem with this, but already having experienced this with not much success, I am now stressing immensely. I'm not there to be anybody's friend, but the way I have been treated in the past, just for being a little older has been disgusting. There is not much available accommodation at all in the country, so looking for anything else is currently out. + +Honestly, I think I'm just stressing because I'm over 30 and feel like I still don't have my life in order, with another future gap in my resume. + +Please tell me I'm going to be ok.....",Stressing about Studying,0 +15,"I learned not too long ago that you may be stressed even when you don’t feel stressed. I feel like stress is a constant for me. I can’t relax without feeling lazy/antsy and can’t work without feeling fatigued/overworked. + +I don’t know how to decompress when there’s always some work that can be done (homework, chores, etc.) and deadlines approaching.",How do you manage your stress even when you can’t tell if you’re stressed or not?,0 +16,"Can stress make you feel as if your bladder is not completely empty? Been more stressed than usual the last few days and I've suddenly had this sensation. It's happened before but it worries me every time and I can't remember if it's usually connected to more stressful moments. + +Is there any connections between the two or should I worry it could be something else?",Stress and bladder,0 +17,"Can someone provide me with any tips on how to get yourself motivated (to workout, to do your work, to clean at home more often etc). I feel like stress is really demotivating for me, and I am looking to turn this cycle of stress and demotivation around.",Stress & Motivation,0 +18,"One is called In the Light of a Thousand Sunsets and you can find it here https://open.spotify.com/album/25u0tLxx6GOEzJlFB6x6Wy (for other music services check this link https://album.link/i/1676357174) + +The other one is called A Waltz For Lilly - https://open.spotify.com/album/5uppYYROsBMyF6yvtWGctW or https://album.link/i/1569647140",A couple of piano albums that I listen to when I need to calm down,0 +19,"I wonder.. is it my stress, time management, or myself as a person in general that is blocking myself from doing the best I can? Or is it my anxiety and overthinking getting to me? + +I am a F14 in my freshman year of high school, currently going through a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions. I'm trying really hard managing between piano, soccer, and my grades with school. I love everything equally, (well maybe except school..), but in the end, my grades are my priority over piano or soccer. I know that piano and soccer may benefit me throughout high school, but grades are more important. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on neither one. + +But here I am with a B- (84.5) in my history class, and I need to get it to an A- (90.1) by the end of my school final which is in about 2 months. Well I'll need an A- at least, so I could take AP Euro in my sophomore year, and it's only available in my sophomore year as well. AP Euro is definitely not a necessity for my next year in high school, but it'll benefit me a lot, and as my school is very tough and competitive, I want to achieve my goal and do it. My teacher is crazy strict, being 87 years old, he has his more ""older-fashioned"" and more ""understandable"" ways of grading. So I stress trying to fit into his perfect standards, but at the end of the day, I keep telling myself. In the future, there will always be people that will be wanting a perfect requirement that fits them. I will need to be able to be adjusting to those specific requirements, for the future, to benefit myself and my ideal career future and more. + +I've never gotten a B, or a grade range in the B section (B-, B, or B+) throughout middle school and my first semester of high school until now. Is it the stress that's piling on me after all these hard schoolwork I'm not managing well or enough with my time that I have? My sleep schedule is actually horrid, I usually sleep at 2-4AM waking up at 6AM, with soccer practice 3-4 times a week (usually I skip at least 1 day a week since it's a little too much), and 2 lessons of piano a week. Also including the clubs I've decided to join, Mock Trials, which is now coming to an end with competitions. Volunteering, which I guess I could choose which days to help out.. but.. The homework. The load at my school is actually crazy, about 2-3 assignments new each period, which is every day, so in a week total about 30-40 assignments, which is quite a buttload. It's due either the following days, or sometimes, a miracle as it is it'll be due next week. But then again, there's at least 1-2 tests a week, which I need to study a lot for. Oh of course, there's also the projects and essays, let's add about 1 for every other week. + +Should I take a break from piano or soccer, and put my grades at my priority instead? I think I can be able to take my grade, 84.5% up to a 90.1% at least, which is \~6% of a percentage raise that I'll need to be okay. Telling my friends this, all I get in response is the same, ""It'll be okay."" All I wish these days is someone to tell me more than ""it'll be okay"". I'm still new to the environment of high school, and figuring out what fits for me, and what doesn't fit for me. Encouragement, something I haven't heard in awhile, is what I hope boosts me. Thanks for reading this far. + +TLDR ; Not having the most decent grade in history class (84.5%), wanting to take AP Euro next year for my class, I need at least a 90.1% for my requirement to join the class. Struggling with the management of piano and soccer as well for my extracurricular activities, as well as school clubs, should I take a break from something? I need to put my grades before other stuff, including the fact to not freak out with studying and use time well. Also wish someone could tell me, I'm able to do it, and they have confidence in me. Thanks again.",Am I choosing the right mindeset?,0 +20,"Hi! +I just finished my second term today. I got my marks — great, btw. But the school stress has impacted me so badly that even now, when I’ve gone into end of the term break, I feel like there is something to be done. There are no homework assignments, no projects, nothing to be done, but still. It got to the point where I stress about non-school stuff — whether I showered or not, ate or not, read today or not; and sometimes, just stress, about literally nothing. +Maybe I’m writing this for validation, but I don’t think that’s what I need the most. Can someone help me control this damn situation.",School stress is getting worse,0 +21,"Hello! + +I am a graduate student researcher from the **University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS)** studying the helpfulness of a **4-week** **online** **mindfulness** treatment for **depression, anxiety, and stress** in adults aged 18 years and older for my master's thesis. Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be entered to win a **$25 Amazon gift card**. **Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.** + +**All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs!** + +**\*NOTE**: Due to the nature of this study, I cannot post the survey links directly to Reddit. Surveys will be sent via the email below. + +In order to participate you must: + +* Be **18-30 or 50+** years of age +* Have access to the Internet and email +* Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory +* Not have prior experience with mindfulness/meditation +* Not currently be receiving therapy + +**If you would like to participate or have any questions, please email Payton Downey at** [**pdowney@uccs.edu**](mailto:pdowney@uccs.edu)**.** + +**If you don't believe you qualify to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.** + +Thank you and have a wonderful day!","[Repost] The Effectiveness of a 4-Week Online Mindfulness Program for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress",0 +22,"My dissertation is due in 2 weeks and lately I've had nausea all day, it's surely stress related? Any management tips? Thanks",Nausea,0 +23,"Guys I really need your help. I don't know when it started but here it is. When I am in college studying and having fun with friends, its great. I am even quiet popular in group. But when I leave from there I don't know but I just stress a lot. I do have situation where my talk is cut off, in a normal way as everyone else's does. but I cant get over it. + +And other things which I don't even know make me stress. and then I start overthinking and cant do nothing. i might start to bit nails, scratching skin during the stress. + +After like an hour or two are passed, i am normal and very productive and enjoy it. + +Please I need help.",Stress after coming home,0 +24,"Hi all. I've been dealing with neck/shoulder tension for years. I am a software developer with likely bad posture - for over 10 years. Lately I'm quite stressed as well. All in all I'm in a constant state of neck/shoulder tension. + +&#x200B; + +I've tried so many things but nothing ""releases"" it. I have one of those shoulder massagers from Amazon - it actually feels quite good especially when it rolls up my neck - but I feel like I can do it **forever** and there is just infinite tension there - shouldn't it ""stop"" at some point? I've seen some threads on here but looking to make my own I guess. + +&#x200B; + +Things I tried: + +* PT +* Chiro +* Neck/Shoulder Massager +* Stretches +* Heat pads (these actually help a little but I don't think I should be walking around every day with heat pads..maybe I can?) +* Magnesium Oil +* Like 6 different pillows - none of them result in me waking up without a stiff neck. Down pillows, thin, thick, memory foam, nothing! +* Foam roller +* Theracane/tennis balls + +Has anyone found anything that actually works, and fast?",Neck Tension,0 +25,"I noticed that everytime i am in a daylong stressfull Situation or get the overwhelmed feeling i react with thr same body symptoms. Worst factor is the massive left ear pain (not able to even touch it). +Most times it seems to start (and stay at) pulsatile tinnitus like effects. If i lay my head to the left side or on a pillow, i hear my pulse as swishing dumb sounds making me irritated extremly. +But as other sympathetic system symptoms add up, like fast breathing, fatigue from overwhelmed feeling,appetite loss and obviously higher bp, i get massive pain at left ear. + +I tried several treatments to get to know what that could be, antihistamines, nsaids, decreasing glutamate... Thinking it must be a combines inflammation/glutamate/adrenaline thing. + +Could anyone explain it and give me some recommendations? I suffer for years now and cant solve that.",Massive left ear pain in stressfull overwhelming situations?,0 +26,"Hi everybody! I'm a Honours students studying Psychology at the University of the Sunshine Coast, Australia. + +This little study (less than 30 minutes) is part of my Thesis, and your participation will help me understand more about gamification and motivating people to exercise more in online mindfulness programs which in turn reduces stress and anxiety. + +Thanks for your time! + +[https://research.sc/participant/login/dynamic/6282B8CA-8646-4CAD-A5A3-C716E7BC19D8](https://research.sc/participant/login/dynamic/6282B8CA-8646-4CAD-A5A3-C716E7BC19D8)",Reducing stress via gamified online controlled breathing exercise,0 +27,Does breathing exercises help you to reduce your stress?,Reduce Your Stress,0 +28,"Is anxiety caused by stress? +Like for example, stressful job is route cause of anxiety - if I changed jobs will my anxiety likely go away??",Is anxiety caused by stress?,0 +29,,My parents are getting divorced,0 +30,"I'm 28. Had 6 dates in my life. Never had sex before. Had 1 bad acquaintance that I needed therapy to deal with. + +I don't hate women. I don't think everything is pointless. I chat with coworkers, but I don't have a lot of friends. Ladies seem to think I'm a nice person and funny. I don't have much trouble shamelessly asking someone out. I've long thought I have enough hobbies and interests and goals to keep myself mentally stable and preoccupied. Doesn't stop everyone from saying I'm a sweet guy who just needs to be more confident, less sensitive, and wait for the right person. + +I get flustered when I meet someone flirty or shameless, but I play it off with self-deprecation and wit. + +I had a date with a coworker who was coming onto me frequently (poking me, prodding me, talking about bodily functions, giving me looks and signs and thank yous, took my phone number, called me, wishes me morning, acts like she's out of breath around me, talks about and asks me sexual questions, talks about her dating history, etc). + +She wanted to go to a Barne's and Noble's. I was 10 minutes late due to traffic and she'd shown up an hour early to give herself a headstart. + +She stood next to me, I comically volunteered to be pack mule, and we sat and read books for a while, talking in-between. She made a spa appointment at 4pm. I asked her what she wanted - 1) friendship, 2) casual sex, 3) a relationship. I wasn't good for 2 (no confidence). + +She described to me frequently about how much her previous relationships messed her up, we talked indirectly our thoughts about romance and such. + +Her answer was 1 and she said she didn't know what the future hold. + +We left and I went to a Chic-filet she'd informed me was there. Then I drove home rather than wait the hour for her appointment to finish, said I had fun, and drove home listening to Drowning Pool and Foo Fighters. + +I got home, played a video game, laid down, and fought back tears feeling every insecure and negative thought I've had about myself. This date was something I wanted and it felt like I came away with less than I started with. She said she'd text me later and didn't get around to it until much later, and even though it was a short time I felt myself getting lonelier and madder because we just weren't having the initial flirty back and forth we did before the date. + +I turned my phone off. + +Everyone is going to tell me ""there's a million fish"" and she even said ""some people just don't vibe"" but the messages are just so unclear to me right now. This isn't too long after I broke up with someone who I felt like I did vibe with. + +I just can't see myself continuing to give this much energy toward meeting someone new another 5-00 times like everybody else. I'm a sensitive person. I feel drained and hateful of everyone that dating comes so easily to even though I know that's wrong. I'm so mad we didn't click its embarassing, and I know it's not her fault. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't feel like exercising or doing anything positive. I just want to be angry. + +I guess I walked in expecting she'd throw herself at me, and I'd have the chance to be a gentleman and be like ""hey I like you, but I want to get to know you"" and she'd be like ""ah he's not just a desperate fuck, he has character."" And well that didn't happen. Instead I feel like I got read and told politely I wasn't what someone was looking for. And any attempt at friendship on my end will be a desperate act. + +I could be entirely wrong. + +I would have liked if we'd hugged at the end or made additional plans. She agreed to doing something in the near future but I didn't get any excitement out of it. Optimistically I want to say we could probably be friends. Cynically I think she's not going to reach out and I spent an hour each way driving, took a day off of work for what I wanted to be a great date - I did all of that for nothing. + +Of the 3 actual dates I've gone on after many years of rejection and indifference - the first didn't know how to tell me she wasn't interested and ghosted me for weeks, the second said sweet things about me but said she wasn't ready and was still healing from a previous relationship and said I need to be with someone who can do 50-50 in the relationship, and now this, where I felt someone coming onto me and tried to match it, and realizing at the end that I walked away in a toxic cloud of mental fog. + +I hate dating. So much. And I hate the way my brain and my emotions work. So much.",I'm mad and sulking over a single bad date.,0 +31,"so for context ive had an abusive dad growing up, and everyday living with him changed me. i feared getting yelled at for doing kid things, getting suffocated because i was crying. thinking about that now makes me mad of what i have to go through, but now i put that behind me. recently i’ve been stressed because of my bf and that internal problem just led up to more things, such as my purpose in life, who i want to be, and just self doubt. i feel like i’m not surrounding myself with the right people because i think they’re taking advantage of me, and are extremely careless to me. besides people, i’ve been feeling numb to the world. i feel like a robot and other peoples true self are showing a lot more. it feels like i’m high except.. i’m not high. the smaller things in my head stands out more like the noise outside my window. i’m usually not concentrated on that, but my brain picks it up more easily like i’m more aware of these things happening. my surroundings feels a lot different from usual. but i know myself when i’m completely normal versus when i’m out of it. there’s some people from reddit that told me i had an experience of depersonalization. i smoked before to get rid of some stress, and smoking mildly i know will not make me feel this way. the stress is overwhelming me and i feel trapped. but right now i had a vivid nightmare and it’s about the people in my real life. it affects me more and it’s the first time i’ve experience an actual nightmare. i usually don’t remember my dreams and i move past it, but this time it gave me a lot of stress, i remember the whole plot and context, the whole energy of it, and it’s scaring me. + +my feelings overall and what i’m experiencing, +-not in my body +-high but i didn’t smoke (outside of my body) +-stress throughout the day and night +-restless and pressure against my chest +-no appetite (i’ve been eating a small meal once a day now.. it’s barely anything) +-insomnia (which 2 weeks ago, everything was normal) +-paranoia +-a bunch of thoughts on my mind (usually negative) +-no meaning in life and sadness. like an empty or sort of numb feeling +-realization that’s talking or texting feels a lot different, it wasn’t the same normal feeling from before, it felt +like i changed in way that isn’t permanent.. i hope) +-nightmare (which kind of made me realize that there’s something i’m going through that isn’t normal at all, i’ve been through some shit but i’ve never had an actualt nightmare with a plot and this intense before, it lasted about an hour until i woke up) +-my period is late, and for the past 4 months of tracking it, it hasn’t been late before. + +i want to stop feeling this way and to not overthink as much. what do i do?",nonstop anxiety throughout the whole day. now i have a nightmare which was never this intense and emotional. i’m feeling that my lens of the world disappeared and my old self is not here anymore. why do i experience these things?,0 +32,"It feels like I'm going to pass out I know I won't but that's how bad it is some days. I'm trying to actively work on my financial situation which is causing me the most stress however I don't know what to do to get a second job cause most demand open availability but won't give you a lot of hours... + +It doesn't really help that I drink alcohol on my time off a couple days a week and come to work hungover twice in the past month to make the job easier. + +I mean seeing a therapist would be beneficial but I don't have health insurance for a few more weeks at least and it would worsen my financial situation. I'm looking into seeing if I can use one of my boyfriend's free counseling sessions he gets from his job cause I doubt he will use them (unless he needs them but it seems like right now he's doing fine and I'm an anxious wreck). I feel like I'm just not fully present and my mind is foggy more than half the time. Chronically tired no matter the amount of sleep I get. I take multivitamins and eat fairly healthy but I'm mostly on the go not really the type of person who enjoys big ass crowds but seems like I keep finding myself in them. I'm very close to having a public mental breakdown.",headaches... and severe anxiety,0 +33,,Stressful Relationship,0 +34,"Quick brief : 25F first born daughter, ideally most responsible in family. Over achiever in school and life as general. Grew up in a high overstimulating environment. Always planning ahead + + +Current : I’ve always been great have blocking out my stress or simply over working through my stress but it seems has if my mind has ran out of storage space and my stress is showing up in physical ( weight loss, withdrawn , isolation , lack of motive , hopeless ness )….. once again the over achiever in me is trying to over ride that with exercising / yoga, prayer, new goals and hobbies….. ( more stress for my schedule because I have to maintain knowing I’m stressed out already ). + + +Emotional well-being : lost two family members back to back and ended a few friendships so I feel uncertain about life, trying to adapt to change and feeling unsafe and insecure + + +Symptoms : 2020 physical panic attacks +Late 2020 -2021 burst into hives +2022 physical stomach pain thought I had an ulcer . Stomach burning real bad when stressed ( endoscopy procedure was done i believe ) +2023 itchy neck face palms stomach …. Entire body + +Medication : benerdyl , hydro poxmate ( can’t spell and too overwhelmed to look it’s an anxiety allergy med for hives ) + +I’m in therapy slowly helping but I need advice on someone whose actually expended and over came “ calm down “ is not enough. I’d like to get this under control for a bet te r future",My stress is out of control,0 +35,I’m at a point where any little annoyance causes stress. And afterwards my body just becomes hot and I get sweaty.,I don’t understand.,0 +36,"I've been planning my wedding that is happening in May of this year. + +I got engaged a few months ago in January, and at first I felt fine with taking on everything but now it's starting to get into my head and I feel overwhelmed everyday. + +My days consist of me working, wedding planning, and sleeping. Most of the time if i'm doing something other than that, I'm thinking of my wedding anyways. If I go shopping there's always something that will catch my eye and remind me of what I need to do or purchase for the big day. + +Not only that, but my partner is in another country (LDR) and he can only do so much to help me with it all besides pay for things here and there. I live on my own while my partner lives at home (he's never been on his own before) and i'm struggling to pay for small things like a DJ or even cake. + +I've tried talking to him about wedding stuff and he tends to get overwhelmed or be distracted with other things he's doing like gaming etc. Last night, I was talking to him about décor options we had and I showed him our ceremony space. It's on a terrace/large outdoor patio at this nice hotel in my city. I went personally to view the venue a week after we got engaged, sent him videos and photos, and he loved it too! Now when i showed him the photos last night he made a few ""not so happy"" faces and I almost started crying right there from the stress of it all. He kept saying ""I guess it'll have to do.."" and things like that. Felt like I screwed it up so bad. + +I feel like a failure, that I picked a bad venue...and to top it all off I have a few people in my bridal party who are being really catty towards me now. They keep shitting on me for having ""bad communication"" even though I'm trying my best and have everything on MY shoulders. They haven't offered to do anything specific but constantly say ""I want to help in any way I can! Let me know what to do!"" and I have no clue what to ask them. Also, a bridesmaid of mine really dislikes my MOH and tries to make me feel like she's not doing ""enough"" and says she feels she's unsupportive. + +I didn't even want a big wedding at a hotel. I originally imagined a wedding where I am married at a nice park, have dinner at a nice restaurant and then go to a pub for a beer after to celebrate. + +The only reason it became a big wedding is because of my in laws and my family coming, plus a bunch of my friends wanted to go. My fiancé is only bringing 3 family members and none of HIS friends are going to come (despite travelling to Mexico for a wedding recently). + +After all this, I can see why people elope or have really really small weddings.",Feel like everything thinks i'm annoying and I'm unhappy with how I never stand up for myself.,0 +37,I have exam in two days so its a lot of time to reread thins. But I am so stressed out I cannot focus and I am to afraid to look at the books. :l,Before exam I am so stressed out that I am not even able to learn anymore.,0 +38,"I've recently started a new job position at my current company and have a serious case of imposter syndrome. This position comes with a host of new responsibilities, and I feel as though I'm not performing as well as I should be and I keep making mistakes, I am still in training however I can't help but feel like I'm underperforming and it is mainly to do with stress, I'm stressed out and overwhelmed so I make mistakes and then stress about those same mistakes and it has become this vicious circle. I also haven't been sleeping. It is the only thing I can think about and it's destroying my confidence. I've been having multiple panic attacks sometimes multiple times a day during my breaks and when I am alone at home and have very recently started therapy to try and deal with this however I feel like it's just eating me alive. Has anybody experienced anything similar and perhaps give me a bit of perspective? Or advice on how you have dealt with this kind of stress? Sorry if this is the wrong kind of post for this sub. TIA.",Stress connected to a new job position.,0 +39,"hi. when i listen to this song my overthinking stops, heart rate goes down and i get a break from the stress i'm feeling at the moment. + +[https://open.spotify.com/track/1UVgOlmTW3eSkCekVy5Pu9?si=024b311ba35f4130](https://open.spotify.com/track/1UVgOlmTW3eSkCekVy5Pu9?si=024b311ba35f4130) + +wanted to share, maybe it works for someone else",song that INSTANTLY reduces my stress,0 +40,"Which breathing techniques do you find work best to calm you down when you feel stressed? + + +I find box breathing (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 second, repeat) and 4-7-8 (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds, repeat) are the two techniques that work best for me. + + +Slow, long breaths seem to make me feel the most calm too. + + +What works for you?",Breathing techniques for stress,0 +41,"Hello! + +I am a graduate student researcher from the **University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS)** studying the helpfulness of a **4-week** **online** **mindfulness** treatment for **depression, anxiety, and stress** in adults aged 18 years and older for my master's thesis. Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be **entered to win** **a** **$25 Amazon gift card**. **Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.** + +**All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs!** + +**\*NOTE**: Due to the nature of this study, I cannot post the survey links directly to Reddit. Surveys will be sent via the email below. + +In order to participate you must: + +* Be **18-30 or 50+** years of age +* Have access to the Internet and email +* Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory + +**If you would like to participate or have any questions, please email Payton Downey at** [**pdowney@uccs.edu**](mailto:pdowney@uccs.edu)**.** + +**If you don't believe you qualify or do not wish to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.** + +Thank you and have a wonderful day!","[Repost] The Effectiveness of a 4-Week Online Mindfulness Program for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress",0 +42,"Is it just me or do most of you find with given events overtime, you find the previous events in hindsight weren’t as stressful as what they were during the peak of things? As if the more stressful situations and experiences we go through build resilience and gives you the opportunity in future to determine and deem a situation as stressful or not?",Life Experience,0 +43,"Tommorow I have to speak infront of the whole class for like 7 minutes (it’s part of our exam), without reading or anything. We haven’t really done it before, and i’m an extremely anxious and shy person infront of people i’m not close to, I get extremely anxious. I will need to look to the crowd and talk for 7 minutes and I just know I will fail, or I will turn red and feel it and panic, or I will just simply forget what I need to talk about. I learnt it really well but I will 100% get a panic attack and if anyone knows how to help with this, then share your advice..",How can I be confident when I speak infront of the crowd?,0 +44,"I constantly either need to be doing various projects and filling my plate so much that I can barely handle it. Or I actually let myself do nothing and I feel like the most useless piece of crap. No in between. + +If I’m not busy all the time, it’s like I don’t deserve an rewarding existence.",I often feel like I either need to feel stressed or useless,0 +45,stay calm,"Transport Your Mindset to a Calm Soothing place, Ambient Music for Deep ...",0 +46,"Last year the past few months I had been suffering from stress - for me the physical symptoms are a tightness in the chest leading to a feeling of tension through my body. + +I finally went to a doctor and they diagnosed me - not with stress but pretty bad GERD. I took large doses of nexium for a few months - and wow - stress and tension gone. + +Has anyone else had this experience - where past stress is masking a physical illness or vice versa?",Stress is or physical illness is there even a difference?,0 +47,"It pains me to admit it but I am in a toxic relationship. A relationship with no trust and confidence, no God, constant bickering, and growing violence. We both bring out the worst in each other. What should I do? We have plans tho, and we're working on them. We're just too proud and too dominant against one another. + +I just hate this situation we're in.",I'm in a toxic relationship!,0 +48,"I'm a (22 female) and my job is reporting and introducing new stores and foods on TV. It's creative and fun but because of the unstable income my mother doesn't support me. + +I knew that from the beginning but hoping to please and attempt to make her proud of my accomplishments she would just say ""Why do I need to say I'm proud of you? You have to be proud of yourself"" It's been an ongoing toxic loop so I always distance myself or not contact her, however since last week she's been living with me and we have been bickering here and there. I don't let that get in the way with work though. + + +Anyway. Today this random stranger during my break time came up to me and looked directly into my eyes and said + + ""You don't need to push yourself. It's okay."" + +She kept holding my shoulders and gently rubbing them and I have no clue if this is hypnosis + + ""I know you have some family troubles right now but I can see there are good people behind you. Really good people"" + +And little by little the weight in my shoulders started to get lighter. And it felt fuzzy. I had this feeling why does she know my family? Can she read me? Am I readable? Is my aura out? I'm about to panic! Then I just burst into tears and had to control myself to do the next reporting. + +It was such a confusing experience because she was smiley nice in her 50s lady. + +Can someone tell me if she was a hypnotist or if she can see my soul or some angels or if she was just an empath that knew I was extremely stressed and wanted to let me know I was stressed. Because later She was motioning to her friend her shoulders like letting her know my shoulders were super tight or scrunched up. + +I don't know... It was such a coincidence. And a strange encounter that I had to write about this experience as my first post.","During work, a random stranger came up to me and told me everything is going to be alright... And I burst into tears...",0 +49,"Hi you all, my problem is i would like to pursue more creative hobbies like drawing but 90% of the times i feel i can't because i am too stressed for something (i am in uni now, so it is alternating between lessons and exams). That something being too mentally tired for doing anything else rather the watching the phone or the tv, or being too mentally tired because of studying. I am sure someone else has encountered this problem. How you solve this?",Not capable of relaxing?,0 +50,"Anxiety is a normal part of life, but it can become overwhelming for some. It’s important to understand the causes and symptoms of anxiety so you can recognize it in yourself or someone else, as well as know what treatment options are available. In this article, we’ll take an in-depth look at understanding anxiety – from its causes and symptoms to the various approaches to treating it. + +&#x200B; + +When faced with stressful situations such as work deadlines or personal issues, many people experience feelings of worry or fear that can lead to physical sensations like tightness in their chest or increased heart rate. These are all common signs of anxiety, something that everyone experiences on occasion. However, when these feelings become chronic and interfere with everyday tasks, they may be indicative of an anxiety disorder. + +&#x200B; + +There are numerous treatments available for those suffering from anxiety disorders ranging from lifestyle changes to psychotherapy and medication if needed. Learning more about how your body responds to stressors and triggers can help you manage your own emotions better and make informed decisions when seeking professional help. By exploring the different aspects of understanding anxiety through this article, you will gain valuable insight into managing your own mental well-being. This can help you to develop healthy coping mechanisms and better communication skills that will benefit you in the long run. + +[https://beautyaal.com/understanding-anxiety-causes-and-symptoms-and-treatment-options/](https://beautyaal.com/understanding-anxiety-causes-and-symptoms-and-treatment-options/)",Understanding Anxiety Causes And Symptoms And Treatment Options,0 +51,"I’m struggling quite a bit to reach my goal. I wish I had more help with friends and family but I really don’t have anyone who can help, so I’m just stressed out trying to manage and stay safe, I barely eat or sleep trying to survive. I was able to reach out for a loan but I’m unable to qualify for it due to not have stable work for 6 previous months. +It’s like.. in america, HOW… can I… get out of this. I need to pay for my room bill, I don’t want to be on the streets or shelter I enjoy feeling secure in my space… it’s just stressful seriously.",need $600 in 10 days.,0 +52,"Hi, + +I’m a sales director who recently received a promotion to build and lead a new sales operation for an Australian media company in a foreign country. After relocating my family and settling into our new home, I found the job to be manageable, albeit stressful, for the first 8-9 months. + +However, after a year, I've realized that the stress has become a part of my daily routine, and it's starting to change my personality. I'm experiencing burnout, feeling completely drained, unmotivated, and even depressed at times. I report to upper management located overseas who may not fully understand the realities of building a new operation in a foreign country. Despite being expected to do more with less, the results are still expected. + +I'm struggling to decide if I should push through this or throw in the towel. On one hand, the benefits of international experience, such as building and managing a team in a new market and exploring new commercial initiatives, are invaluable. On the other hand, the stress is taking its toll, and I'm not sure if it's worth it. + +I would appreciate any advice from those who have been in similar situations or know someone who has. It can be quite isolating, and I lack a trusted network of experienced expats to turn to for guidance. Thank you in advance for your help.",Is the stress of my international sales job worth the benefits? Looking for guidance…..,0 +53,"I (31F) am extremely stressed and overwhelmed with work. The workload has drastically increased within the last 6months and I’m having a hard time keeping up with is causing a lot of stress and instability. I can’t sleep and don’t have energy for hardly anything outside of work. + +I’ve always had very demanding jobs but this is definitely one of the toughest times I’ve been in. On top of that, my personal life isn’t that swell either. + +I thought I’ve always managed my stress well because I’ve always lived a difficult life but I’m realizing that I’m not handling it well at all. I’m forming bad habits and it’s only effecting my overall productively and work ethics. + +Does anyone have any tips to the best way to handle high stress and feeling overwhelmed with too many tasks at hand? + +Any natural tips for sleep aids would be really helpful as well! + +I appreciate any and all support!",I’m extremely overwhelmed and need help managing my stress,0 +54,Beard picking from months results in many ingrown hair has anyone experience this? How to solve?,beard picking disorder,0 +55,"I have so much stuff to do and worry about i cant relax i have schizophrenia and hear voices occasionally, im on 7 medications for it, i got denied for a cheaper apartment, i have an abusive bf, my job isnt paying the bills, i have a three year old to watch and provide for, i have bad social snxiety so im stressed meeting new ppl irl, alot of my family members are old or have passed away. I have this car to fix, i have debts to pay. .... a million problems wtf am i to do",no good days,0 +56,"I have had flings and short term thing with some crazy women (which i regret). + +Though i have treated them like a queen throughout the time we were together, I always have this fear that what if they make any false accusations or create a scene when I cross paths with them in future, or try to defame me in case I do something big in life. + +How to deal with this constant fear?","How to deal with the anxiety of crossing paths with your exes, when you're out with family?",0 +57," Hey everyone! I am conducting some research on stress levels among college students. I'm a student myself and this is my first time conducting a study myself so I'm really sorry if my survey isn't the best. I would really appriciate if people would take my survey on stress! Everything is anonymous, I just need as much data as possible to help move my study along. If everyone is interested, I can post my results here when the study is done. + + +[https://forms.gle/Zr76jzyp1xLxzCjZ7](https://forms.gle/Zr76jzyp1xLxzCjZ7)",Stress Survey,0 +58,"Recently it does happen that I randomly, all of a sudden, get stress attacks. Like even if nothing happens at all. One time it lasted a whole day and then also the morning after. Recently it started in the night and caused me to not be able to sleep. This stress is usually just feelings of unbearable tension and fear. There are no physical symptoms. During the attacks I get thoughts about all possible things that I ever found stressful. Maybe worth noting that I recently recovered from depression, and it's like the sadness turned into these attacks. + +What can it be and how do I prevent these?",What are these random stress attacks?,0 +59,I just want to know some ways I can actually use. Please leave any suggestion in the comments. Thank you.,What Are Legitimate Way I Can Relieve Stress?,0 +60,"Hi Reddit, I'm here to vent about my stress, and honestly, I have no one to talk to. I am F (23), and last year I started my first ""big girl job"" as a copywriter in marketing. I originally studied filmmaking to be a screenwriter or producer, anything to get me to be on set. My love and passion for being behind the scenes and seeing the projects come to life are breathtaking. I enjoy talking to the cast, getting behind the camera, and being transported to a different unique world. So why was my first big job in marketing? + +During the pandemic, my concern was how to get myself out there when I was very limited in making connections and unable to go out and shoot because of social distancing measures due to the pandemic. The school I was in offered an internship for a class in marketing, and I took it (honestly, anything to make my portfolio and resume look good). Not going to lie; the internship was fun and exciting, so when they offered me an entry-level position in marketing, I was hesitant. I didn't study marketing or advertising or anything related to that, just filmmaking. They knew that I only had knowledge of film but still wanted to give me a chance to explore my career options. Now, having been here for a year, I've built up an extreme amount of stress. + +Every single day I am constantly feeling stressed, anxious, and depressed. I'm always messing up, and it has gotten to the point where I received a PIP. I saw it coming. + +I am struggling with my grammar, not being strong enough when it comes to presenting, and lacking creativity. Things are so rushed here that I often miss a thing or two, which reflects poorly on me. Being dyslexic doesn't help either. As a result, I received a PIP, and it has spiked my stress levels and anxiety to the point where I feel sick every day. I can't eat, don't feel like getting out of bed, can't breathe, can't sleep, and can't think clearly. + +Additionally, I have been struggling with a yeast infection for six months (yes, you read that right). My doctor says I have a candida overgrowth, so I am on a strict diet in hopes of getting it under control. + +The whole experience is making me feel like a failure, like I've made a big joke out of myself. My manager talked to me and said that copywriting marketing isn't for me because I didn't learn it, and he knows my skills lie elsewhere. I agree, but I am afraid I won't find a job in film with how the economy is and the difficult hiring process I see on social media. It's terrifying. How am I going to pay for school, debt, help my parents, pay for groceries for this stupid candida diet, and help my grandma in Mexico, and more bills? + +My parents and a coworker of mine are giving me words of encouragement and saying that everything is going to be okay. They say I should still be proud because I tried something new, created a new set of skills, and toughened up. I don't know if that's true.",I can't stop thinking and I need to vent!!,0 +61,"Sorry if this isn't appropriate for here, but the stress is killing me. I'm 24 and I feel like I've got the stress of a 45 year old going through a midlife crisis! + +Three weeks ago, I started up a new job with security, I got one 6 hour shift, and three 12 hour shifts. Honestly, I love this job despite the hours, and I can handle it. + +But, this past week? Everything feels like it fell apart. My sister popped over with her husband on a surprise visit ( haven't seen her in 14 years ) so it should've been exciting, but all it did was bring trouble to our already fragile household. She instigated drama with my father and everyone else, then her boyfriend was just causing problems with zero consequences. Then, two days later, my Uncle shows up and it's all great.. up until he hits me with news tonight that he's got cancer and he's trying to enjoy himself since he's scared of worse case scenario. All of this on top of family dilemmas with my father, seeing it affect my grandmother? ALL tied together with the very awkward sleep I get, I can just feel my mental health regressing back to incredibly old, toxic, unhealthy ways. I wanna smoke weed to ignore the stress and call off work, but I know doing all that will ruin any progress I've ever made. + +Oh, I'm also having allergies worse than ever so my nose is constantly dried up, in pain, slightly bleeding and my eyes itch like hell. I know I'm just yapping at this point, but good lord, it feels like way too much to stomach in such a short amount of time. + +Again, if this isn't the place, I apologize. Just looking for others in a similar mess, maybe I'm looking for some words of reassurance. Don't know, but thank you to anyone who fully reads this rambling",Venting,0 +62,"One of the best ways to decrease how much total stress you experience is by adding good forms of stress (short and moderate) called hormetic stressors. Cold water is a prototypical hormetic stressor. It releases stress hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline but it is short and not extreme. + +We just launched an app that provides guided cold showers to make it easy for you to do them. It is led by a Master Chief Navy SEAL. We teach you a set of mental tools around tactical breathwort, body relaxation, self talk, etc. These tools not only make cold showers easier but they also help you handle stress more generally. + +In fact, the best way to train yourself to handle stress better is to systematically stress yourself and then practice these tools while stressed. If you do that, these tools will become reflexive any time your body generates stress hormones. + +getmental.com + +One side note - the app is geared generally to men.",Decrease stress by ADDING a hormetic stressor into your life.,0 +63,"Hello! + +I am a graduate student researcher from the **University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS)** studying the helpfulness of a **4-week** **online** **mindfulness** treatment for **depression, anxiety, and stress** in adults aged 18 years and older for my master's thesis. Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be **entered to win** **a** **$25 Amazon gift card**. **Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.** + +**All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs!** + +**\*NOTE**: Due to the nature of this study, I cannot post the survey links directly to Reddit. Surveys will be sent via the email below. + +In order to participate you must: + +* Be **18-30 or 50+** years of age +* Have access to the Internet and email +* Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory + +**If you would like to participate or have any questions, please email Payton Downey at** [**pdowney@uccs.edu**](mailto:pdowney@uccs.edu)**.** + +**If you don't believe you qualify or do not wish to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.** + +Thank you and have a wonderful day!","[Repost] The Effectiveness of a 4-Week Online Mindfulness Program for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress",0 +64," Are you feeling overwhelmed and stressed out? If so, you’re not alone. In today’s world, it can be hard to keep up with the demands of life while still maintaining a healthy lifestyle. From work deadlines to family obligations, stressors come in all shapes and sizes. Fortunately, there are many techniques that can help reduce stress levels and boost your overall well-being – and they don’t have to take hours or require costly materials! Here’s a look at some helpful tips for destressing quickly and easily. + +[https://beautyaal.com/de-stress/](https://beautyaal.com/de-stress/)",Simple Ways to Destress and Relax After a Long Day,0 +65,"Tomorrow I’m doing a speech in front of 300 people. It’s my first time talking in front so many people and I’m really nervous. I’m basically a shy person so it doesn’t help. +Do you have any tips for managing stress in that situation?",How to manage stress while doing a speech?,0 +66,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +We want to develop a breath work app for stress management. + +Please take part in our very short survey to shape our app. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk](https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk) + +If you want to win an Amazon voucher in addition, please write me a message with your e-mail and name of the features we asked for (so that we know you did the survey.) + +Cheers, Christian",Interested into breath work to relief stress - :Take part in 2 minutes survey and win 50 USD Amazon Voucher.,0 +67,"Lately everything has just been super stressful. I find myself thinking about the stress itself instead of the work. I love what I do, but i want to learn how to keep a healthy amount of stress for a better quality of life. + + +- thank you",What are some techniques you use to lower your stress but still maintain focus on your work and goals?,0 +68,,Why does stress sometimes linger even when the source is gone?,0 +69,,is it normal to be stressed when things are slow or people are talking slowly??,0 +70,"So I know I'm experiencing stress, because I'm getting a sensation in the back of my head (not quite a headache but a bit of discomfort), which has always been associated with stressful/anxious situations. It started occuring right after I started uni again, so that's probably the cause. The thing is though, I don't feel anxious or anything though, I just have this one symptom.. is this just as bad as being full-on stressed? Like will it age me the same amount that full-on stress will?",Experiencing a physical stress symptom but don't feel stressed,0 +71,I’m about to turn 17 and I just got my license I put a job application in for a grocery store because I knew I needed money for gas and car insurance but what I wasn’t expecting was the fact I’m not gonna be able to afford gas money if I pay for insurance so now I have to find a high end paying job just to get by I’m so stressed and scared and I didn’t realize life was this unforgiving I knew I would need to pay for bills and taxes and all this but minimum wage is just not enough you can’t survive off that I can’t even work for 10$ an hour and survive so now I’m waiting on a call from my father to try and get a landscaping job that should pay way more but I’m still gonna barely have anything I thought growing up was freedom and it was supposed make you feel happy but I feel nothing but regret sadness and fear I hope it gets better I’m only 17 and I feel like I’m 80 a tip to those who are younger who might see this SAVE.YOUR.MONEY all of it,Life is stressing,0 +72,"Anyone else in a Master's program and hate it? Nothing is ever explained, such complicated assignments, not to mention professors that are not invested in their students but care more about their research interests, a department that is so disorganized it is falling to pieces. Anyone else can relate? Thank god it is almost over, it has been one of the WORST experiences, most stressful, and its been so draining on my mental health.",Grad School Vent,0 +73,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +We want to develop a breath work app for stress management. + +Please take part in our very short survey to shape our app. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk](https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk) + +If you want to win an Amazon voucher in addition, please write me a message with your e-mail and name of the features we asked for (so that we know you did the survey.) + +Cheers, Christian",Take part in 2minutes survey and win 50 USD Amazon Voucher.,0 +74,"Stress is a normal part of life and it’s important to find ways to manage it. We hope you have found this article helpful in providing some strategies for handling stress more effectively. Whether it be through mindfulness, physical activity, or simply setting time aside each day to relax, there are many ways we can practice self-care in order to handle our stress better. Try out different techniques and see what works best for you! + +[https://reversetohealthylife.com/how-to-handle-stress-its-effects-on-the-body/](https://reversetohealthylife.com/how-to-handle-stress-its-effects-on-the-body/)",How To Handle Stress & Its Effects On The Body,0 +75,"Sometimes, it’s overwhelming to think about all the stressful things. When you let go of them, you can take solace in the fact they remain in a safe space, but no longer occupying headspace. I developed CocoonWeaver because of a dream I had. My dream was about an app that would be intuitive enough to release the many fleeting thoughts that occupy ones mind. Since then, it has been developed in to a working product, and improved with the help of kind feedback from various neurodivergent communities. I would love to take feedback from this community as well, if you have a moment to download the app and share your feedback I would be extremely grateful. + +The app is completely free and it is completely private, nothing leaves your device and everything is stored on your phone. + +Thank you so much for your time! <3 + +Here are all the relevant links, to the app and website, android release date etc.: [www.linktree.com/cocoonweaver](http://www.linktree.com/cocoonweaver) +[https://www.instagram.com/cocoonweaver/](https://www.instagram.com/cocoonweaver/)","I created CocoonWeaver to help. It’s a free, privacy focused app that sorts audio recordings, transcribed, into categories. There are numerous benefits to self talk, in particular it can decompress mental states and reduce stress. I hope you enjoy!",0 +76,Looking for the best ways to relieve stress before starting a new job. I don't believe in mediation or yoga so those are out of the question.,I'm burnt out. What is the most effective way to get unburnt?,0 +77,"I will admit that I’m a bit of a hypochondriac and have a lot of anxiety surrounding my health, but I’m experiencing something I’ve never gone through before. Since Sunday evening, my whole body has been in extreme pain and I just have that feeling I get when I’m sick with something like a cold or the flu. But those are my only symptoms. I’ve had 2 negative Covid tests and just got a negative flu test from the doctor where they also did some lab work and gave me a prescription for my pain. + +The only other explanation I can think of for the cause of this is that I got extremely depressed and stressed out last week. I’m not new to stress or depression though, and I’ve never had this type of reaction before. + +Just wondered if anyone had any ideas or has experienced anything like this. I’m worried this is all in my head even though my pain feels very real and severe, and it doesn’t seem to be letting up at all.",I’m In Pain,0 +78,"I was wondering if someone recognizes the feelings I have sometimes because I feel like I am weird and alone. I've read about anxiety and think that's what I have... But there's so much info online that I do not know for sure. + +I get minor panic attacks on random moments and I can not seem to find any reason why. +The most recent example is when I was asked to go on a team meeting outside of working hours. I felt almost frightened and felt like I wanted to cry and life is too overwhelming for me. Another example is a party I recently went to, I was scared to go for about two weeks (even though my gf and a friend were with me). There was literally nothing bad about it, but I was stressed up until the moment I got there. + +When I try to think of a reason why I'm feeling like that, I do not have a single clue. My life is good and I have everything I need/want but I keep looking for small things that make me feel unhappy and anxious. I can stay awake and panic/overthink over all kinds of small things like this. I just want to feel happy and stop overthinking constantly but I do not know how to do that. Sometimes I think it will get better when I'll get older (25y right now). But the negative feelings are taking over more frequently and I am ready to start working on it so I can actually enjoy life. Any advice?",Does anyone feel the same?,0 +79,"I started getting stress symptoms back in April last year. It escalated in October, in November I went on sick leave from work until start February. I started work part time, and I really want to just be okay again. I was at work yesterday and today I’m a bundle of anxiety. Restlessness, can’t calm down, easily irritated, increase in chronic diseases, and exhausted. I’m so mad about it too, because it was a really good day at work yesterday too, I just overdid it. And i feel like it was so little that I did. It makes me feel like such a burden. I wanted to increase my hours, but I know I will struggle. + +I just needed to went.",I’m starting to get frustrated with my limits,0 +80,Feels weird. I just crossed a line,29 and just started stress smoking,0 +81,"I work at an engineering firm that surveys underground utilities and drain systems. I started work last July and it has been a never ending stream of all consuming stress and anxiety for me. It feels like I can’t escape from work and it never ends, and it feels like no matter how hard I try my work always gets thrown back at me with my boss telling me it’s horribly wrong and that I had no idea what I was doing. It’s not like I don’t ask him for help either, he will review my work and offer revisions, only to go back and find new instances that he didn’t mention before. +If all I had to do was draft I’d be okay with that. But because the company is so small everyone does every project on their own start to finish, from proposal to cost estimate to survey to drafting to finish. All I know how to do is draft, and because everyone has been so busy I haven’t been able to learn the other skills. +I’ve also been given another near impossible task that I have been trying to teach myself how to do, but I also haven’t even had time in my work day to do that. +Even my coworkers are all older than me by a significant margin, and have been in this business for quite some time. They live to work, and I don’t have anything in common in which forms camaraderie. +Literally the only thing keeping me here is the pay. Which is very good, but I cant live like this. I feel exhausted and broken when I get home. I feel like I can’t do anything after. I sit at my desk literally watching my hair fall out and feeling like I am sick from dealing with this. Is this just what adult life and and adult job is? I don’t feel like I’m cut out for this, I can’t believe I’m going to Reddit to vent, and I need help. + +TLDR: almost every facet of my engineering job is stressing me out and I don’t know what to do.",Stress at work making me physically ill,0 +82,[https://resilience.skara.ai](https://resilience.skara.ai),How's your stress resilience on a day to day basis?,0 +83,"Hello! I'm a design student who's looking into solutions for stress and sensory regulation for neurodivergent individuals. Specifically looking for feedback from people who struggle with sensory input themselves or who know a lot about the subject. Please take 5 minutes of your time to fill out this survey and give me some feedback on my concepts! :) Thank you so much for your time! + +[https://forms.gle/dk8Coie4yUzMeWwc8](https://forms.gle/dk8Coie4yUzMeWwc8)",Sensory Design Concept Survey,0 +84,"Recently ive been aware of my stressed and im really tense all the day long. From the time I wake up I feel a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders an that feeling rarely goes away, sometimes I have can't sleep because of that. I also exercise 5 days a week and I used to run but I've stopped so im sticking to weight lifting and easy cardio like walking or biking in zone 2, working out used to make me feel happy but recently it has felt like a chore. im also a full time student, university is really time consuming and a barely have time to do my hobbies, running used to be my stress reliever but is not helping anymore because I have to go for my run at 5am and I go to bed at like 11 if im lucky so I feel like I barely get any rest, so if you have any tips to manage stress please let me know.",Stress relief,0 +85,"SO for exmple: I have to write a story about me meeting a certian character from a book which I hate. + +I also have to write it thsi long and write what I will do on a different paper and than send photos to my teacher. I mean sounds like a monotone ask, but not to bad right? + +HELL NAH. FOr some reason the stress got so bad I tried asphyxiating myself. I failed so I went to sleep and the stress manifested in my dreams. I also have panic atacks for a reason of a minor inconvinience happening when I am stressed. I am often stressed and not to carefull with my soroudings sothis often happens. I once actually grabbed my head so hard that I stabbed my self with my nails. + +**What to do?**",How do I stop streessing about stupid things?,0 +86,"Had anybody else experienced dizziness or being light-headed when you're stressed or anxious? + +Occasionally over the past few weeks I've experienced it, currently going through a house move and dealing with my new promotion as a manager at work so I do feel as though I've had prolonged stress at the moment. + +Thanks.",Stress and dizziness,0 +87,"I’ve have my puppy for over a week. He’s adorable and such a sweetheart but I feel bad because I can’t take care of him. My mental health is over the roof and he’s pushing every bit of it when I put him before me because that’s what I end up doing. I put him first making sure he grows up to be a good obedient boy but I forget about me. I feel so bad. I love him so much and I don’t wanna give him away but I know I have to. I haven’t been going to the gym anymore, I’m working more hours, and I still have school to focus on. I hate how hard it has to be.",I feel bad,0 +88,I’m so tired of this. Being financially unstable is not the way to live,just want to stop stressing about money.,0 +89,i’ve been with my boyfriend 4 years and it was all good then a couple years ago he found out he had court because he did something really illegal not gonna say what. but the court process has been going on 2 years cuz they’ve been pushing it off and he’s been so stressed the past 2 years like really bad it affects our relationship to the point where i’m stressed all the time too we had a kid together right when he found out he had court too. but i noticed ever since he found out i literally look like shit and getting wrinkles and all that and i’m healthy otherwise i read that stress is a big aging factor so do you think it’s true someone else’s stress can age you ?,can someone else’s stress age you? 22f and 26m,0 +90,"Sometimes I feel so stressed that my body feels paralyzed. I can’t move, think, talk, feel, etc +Is it normal ? +And how can I deal with it?",Feeling paralyzed,0 +91,"So all this started for me back at the end of January. I went to my dermatologist and had a biopsy done. I freak out for a about a week and test results came back clean. The. I went two weeks later because a scab grew on my chest. I got that check out and came back clean. During this time I was freaking out.. stress, worrying, and couldn’t sleep. All this lead to other health issues. I started to have pain in my lower back which shot through my entire body. It was until recently I started to get a burning sensation in my stomach. I went to my dr and he said it was due to stress. I got put on medication to take care of it hoping it works… has anyone else gone through this before? All this happen under one month.",Stress caused health issues.,0 +92,"So, It's my 2nd year in med college, 3 months passed and things get tougher and tougher for me. +Exams approaching faster than train and I have a job (Temporary) to get money and I am late at paying my loans for college... WHY IS LIFE SO FCKING TOUGH???",Help me...,0 +93,Can anyone suggest the best books on healing from this? I know it is better to prevent becoming burntout but here I am. I am absolutely destroyed physically and mentally.,Books/podcasts/audiobooks for chronic stress healing,0 +94,"&#x200B; + +**Do you worry a lot?** + +You may be eligible to participate in a study conducted by the Anxiety, + +Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. + +Eligible participants with Generalized Anxiety Disorder will be + +randomized to an 8-week group intervention of Mindfulness-Based + +Stress Reduction (MBSR) or stress education classes. Participation in + +this study requires 10 study visits over 13-14 weeks plus one 3-month + +follow up assessment as well as 8 or 9 MBSR or stress education + +classes. + +Participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-50, and are + +interested in this study, please contact: + +AnxietyStudy@nyulangone.org or 1-888-44-WORRY",Subjects needed for a study on treatment of Anxiety,0 +95,"I lost my job at the end of January and finally was able to start working a few days ago. Through the stress of not having a job, I felt as though I was in the clear and able to focus again. Until I realized that I will not be getting paid until the 17th. I reached out to my leasing office about paying rent late and was hit with a response of “we are now doing evictions, so paying so late might not be feasible.” I’ve had a really tough time these last three years, leaving an abusive marriage, losing my mom unexpectedly, now once again feeling like I have to start my life over. I do not feel like I have anywhere I can turn to. I’m feel like every-time life starts to get on track it gets derailed in some way or another.",Sleepless nights,0 +96,"I’m pretty sure I’m burnt out and I have been for over a month now. It’s gotten so bad to the point I CAN’T work even when I try to force myself to. I thought it’d get better with a break and that I’d get over it just like I always did, but I haven’t and it’s been over a month now. + +Whenever I try to work, I just can’t seem to focus. I can’t no matter how much I force myself to. As soon as I force it, the stress rises and a low mood is bound to kick in even if I was all cheery and positive a minute ago. I thought taking a week long break would do it since it used to, but the break didn’t help much if at all. I have no idea what to do since nothing seems to be working on. + +Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone know what I can do? +Any help at all would be sincerely appreciated.",What should I do??,0 +97,"When ever I’m stressed for some reason I picture a giant coin forever flipping towards me. It doesn’t move, but sits in darkness just flipping. Especially when I’m trying to sleep, I feel like my vision is actually obscured by this coin, and I dream about it to. And it’s a slow dream, not like a quick regular dream. Just wanted to write this down, and ask if anyone else has something your mind goes to when your stressed like the coin?",This is probably strange but…,0 +98,"Parenting is TOUGH. Kids are STRESSED. Looking for helpful tips? We are looking for children between the ages of 8 and 13 years old and their parents to participate in a study.  We will suggest some small behavioral changes that we think will help your child manage stress. You will be paid $40 for your time! + +The study consists of either one or two (depending on group assignment) virtual study visits (\~30-60 min) via a Zoom call with a member of our study team. We will suggest some small, simple changes to common behaviors for both you and your child to make over the next 4 weeks that we think will help your child manage stress. We will also ask you to fill out some online surveys. At the end of the study, you will receive a $40 Amazon gift card and we will send you a report form with your child’s mental health symptom scores! + +To find out more and to see if you are eligible, click on the following link: + +[https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_6L4TvqQ2oWG4X8a](https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6L4TvqQ2oWG4X8a) + +Or call or email us today for more information! + +Phone: (850)-629-8525 + +Email: abhc.newhart@gmail.com; Subject Line: Changing Behaviors Study",Psychology lab at Florida State University looking for parents and kids!,0 +99,"everything just a jumbled mess right now and i can’t handle it. my cousin passing, school, being bullied for both my autism and abilities, my job, my diabetes, my parents, my friends, every single thing in my life is ruining me and i don’t know how to deal with it. + +ive tried everything. i don’t know anymore. im only 15, and i don’t have hope for anything. its just all too much.",i cant keep up with anything and it’s taking both a physical and mental toll on me.,0 +100,"I mean constant. Never ending always there stress. Even when I’m relaxing, I’m stressed about the next day or something unrelated. I don’t know how to stop. + +I just started a job, I’m 18 so I thought it was time to work. I’m in a bit of a bad depression patch right now where I don’t wanna do anything even things I enjoy. My mom wanted me to do the job. We are about to spend 400+ dollars on things I need for the job so no going back now, I feel trapped. + +And the thing is, I like the job. I’m learning to be a dog groomer, but I’m so scared I won’t be able to have down time to unwind. School is already extremely overwhelming and hard to get through. How can I cope with this? I need help",Healthy ways to deal with constant stress?,0 +101,"So, there’s this thing I’ve been dealing with for a while. When my body is under physical stress, or I’m under mental stress, I sometimes get the urge to hiccup. Not a series of hiccups, just one annoying outburst. And I guess I don’t really know if I’d call it a hiccup even. My parents have taken to calling it a “narg” because that’s basically the sound I make during a particularly strong one. Has anyone else ever experienced this before? And is it even really an involuntary stress reaction? It’s been happening for years. I even had an ultrasound on my gallbladder, since my doctors didn’t know what could be causing it. No issues there either. I’d love to hear if anyone has any similar situations.",Kind of a weird question about stress,0 +102,"I’m in my final year of Engineering school and previous semester was pretty stressful for a solid month, I had to change up my routine. I managed to get everything done, but I never celebrated. Straight after that I moved to a new place, and felt more stressed, as it didn’t meet my expectations. Then I got pretty sick. And now 2 months after it feels like the stress has built up, and is there just for the sake of it. I feel stuck in the stress trap. Anything I do in life stresses me, and it can’t stay like that for long. I need to escape, I need some peace. + +Share with me your thoughts. I’m open to listen.",Prolonged Stress due to previous period of stress,0 +103,I dread going to work every day. Its relentless tech support work. What options do I have to get out of this. Can't do this any more. I might get a stroke or something,mid 40s anxiety at work,0 +104,"I’m typing this after realizing the amount of mistakes I made these past few weeks at work. It’s been so hard to focus and I’m finding that I can’t understand basic (so they seem) task requirements. +Desk job, working with numbers and reports, Maths have never been my forte, I’m surprised even to this very day how I’ve been hired and still work here after many years. I feel like I’m always behind everyone else and I can’t use logic when looking at numbers. +Well this time the mistake I made was because I/we haven’t checked some figures, I didn’t get help (my manager is on holidays, other members of the team are busy with their stuff), I didn’t connect the dots. +I just can’t do it anymore. I live under constant pressure due to work, so many sleepless nights, thoughts racing in my head, stupid scenarios I build, poor nutrition and so many times of crying uncontrollably. +I don’t want to blame external factors but there has been constant miscommunication which also led to where we’re at. +My therapist can only help so much, I always feel great after each session and it looks like have the right tools and mindset to get better, but inherently I’m always on the edge, stressed and scared of consequences. +I felt like venting and writing down my pain, typing this in tears, feeling so useless and stupid, but it felt good sharing this here.","Overwhelmed, tired, scared",0 +105,"Is this a thing? A couple of times in my adult life when I’ve been under significant stress, I’ve developed both physical tics (chin quivering, tapping my first two fingers against my thumb repeatedly), as well as vocal tics (making like a tiny whmp noise every couple seconds for a while). + +I don’t even know why I’m asking. I’m under terrible stress and doing this. That’s all.",Adult onset vocal tics?,0 +106,Since the beginning of December I‘ve been sick 5 times and everytime for at least 5-6 days. Does anyone have the same problem and how likely is it that stress is the cause?,I am sick ALL the time,0 +107,"So, let me start by saying I'm 28 M, and I've been burned out for the last few years and just ""managing to get by."" I work a full-time 9-5 position (got promoted end of last year), I'm studying part-time in college (straight As till this recent semester, 3 courses every semester), I'ma caretaker and I take care of storeruns/bills/necessities for my home, and I have a significant other that I'm going steady with. + +So, my job has gotten to become majorly overwhelming, but the salary's great for someone with no degree, and I'm very used to working with this employer and the work that we do—however between an occasionally toxic environment and daily demands that I'm struggling to focus on (due to my burnout), I fear for my job safety and am becoming miserable. This semester, I find myself having no energy to take on my schoolwork after the workday. I had no option for in-person classes, and all of them are reading and/or writing intensive, none of which makes it any better. As a result of these two alone, I've found myself too tired and stressed to desire nutritious foods, and have adopted poor eating habits... Finally, I'm proud to take care of business for my home, and to have a loving and supportive partner... however, I'm really beginning to tire of the workload, and the result it's taking on my mental health. I do not want to fail, nor be fired, nor disappoint my loves ones... + +I know ""I'm worth it,"" and must take time for myself, but how? What does that truly mean? My breaks lately are watching a show while eating for a bit, or going to the market to shop for groceries... I haven't truly had a day off, and it's difficult to be ahead when you're working overtime at your 9-5 to catch-up to the constant demands. To my partner, I don't wanna litter our relationship with complaints or my personal woes. I wanna be a hero, an example, and stable... What do I need to do to recharge and get back on track? + +(Thanks in advance! Don't get it twisted. I'm venting, but beneath all of this is ambition and drive. Hence why it angers me that I'm feeling the ""fuck it"" mentality damn near...)",I'm BURNED OUT... What should I do?,0 +108,"I'm sure I'm not alone in finding that poor mental health makes it difficult to keep on top of hygiene related tasks sometimes. I personally really struggle to motivate myself to brush my teeth even though I know I should. + +I think the thing that stops me is worrying about being left alone with my thoughts while I do that- I can't distract myself easily by doing things on my phone because one hand is occupied, and using my phone one handed is harder. + +Is there anything that others do while brushing their teeth (or other tasks) that helps then overcome this barrier? I've tried watching YouTube videos, but the effort of finding one I'm interested in seems to be creating enough of a mental barrier that I'm still finding myself procrastinating.",Maintaining Hygiene,0 +109,"I can barely move from the nausea, my whole body is heavy and my head feels musty, it feels like the flu I can barely stand up for 10 minutes without feeling violently ill. The thing is, I need to pack to move out today and I've got about half of it to go. I just want to sleep and run away from it all but I can't. I'm exhausted, I've had to clean out all my moms stuff and decide on a place within a month (she died recently and I'm 18). The pressure from everyone to sell the house fast is killing me. + +It's not logical, or not practical. Well it's not what everyone else expects of me anyway. So I need some help in managing this sickness so I can get stuff done.",just realised my sickness is stress related,0 +110,"Anyone ever successfully take FMLA for stress leave? What was the process like? Did you return to your previous employer and if so, were you treated with respect after leave?",Stress leave,0 +111,"Hi everyone! I’m struggling a lot lately and I’m hoping some of y’all have tips for me. + +Life has been hard lately and my stress is manifesting as anger. I keep telling people I’m entering my villain era because this is so abnormal for me. I am so frustrated at work because everything is falling on my shoulders while my boss stays lazy. I have low tolerance for stupid behavior and am calling people on their sh*t. My VP laughed at me when I tried to bring up an issue recently and I rage cry when I think about it. I’m finding myself being short with my friends and acting entirely self centered. + +This isn’t normal for me. I normally tolerate so much. I am compassionate and so empathetic and normally look to help everybody, and I’m just burnt out. I know it’s stress/anxiety. + +For a little context that I know is playing into it all: I just weaned off depression and anxiety meds around Christmas. My grandma died in January. My dad has cancer and is very sick right now. I just learned someone I work closely with was a suspect in a murder that remains a cold case…. + +I feel like I’m falling apart and I need advice of how to bring myself back. What do I do? How do I stop feeling so mad? Thank you ❤️",Anger boiling over,0 +112,"Hey everyone, i am currently a doctorate student and have been really struggling with mental stress and feelings of not being good enough( with regards to my career). My stress causes impact on my digestion which in turn causes more stress to me. I have been managing my gut health but it relapses every now and then. + +My stress levels mostly come when i have been unable to do an important task in my research or if it takes some considerable time to do them. Additionally, feeling of not being smart enough for my career keeps trickling down at the back of my head (Which i think is the major reason of my stress). + +I do breathing exercises and they have been great in the short term or for that instance but stress keeps coming back. I have been pretty consistent with mindfulness and other things but it always end up coming back. + +Does any one know how long would it take to see some permanent results? (Sometimes, i feel it will be when i get done with my doctorate degree!)",How long does this take?,0 +113,"Has anyone else felt constant back & leg pain (or even general muscle pain on any part of the body due to stress? + +I have never had back problems, ever. Knock on wood, I’ve had no accidents, no sciatic issues, no joint issues, pinched nerve issues or broken bones etc. + +That being said, I’ve been undergoing a lot of stress lately. The pain has been building up for a few days but tonight, I’m experiencing increased pain! Feels like the origin is the right side of my lower back and the pain radiates down through my butt cheek into my calf (pain is not travelling to foot). It‘s not a sharp pain. It’s more of a gnawing, dull but steady pain. Feels as if I’ve been punched HARD several times in the said area and I only get a bit of relief if I curl up in my side in the fetal position. + +I found literature online saying that stress can cause these symptoms but I just find it so bizarre. Am I really that fragile thay stress could cause so much havoc? I’m in my 30s. No major health issues. I did have mild covid 1.5 weeks ago though. The only other thing I can think of is the fact that I’ve been sitting a lot due to studying for exams nonstop. Weird because I’ve spent more time sitting and studying in the past, but had no back issues at that time. + +I will be seeing my doc next Monday so I will update the chat but wow this pain is gnarly.","Lower back, butt and leg pain due to stress?",0 +114,"Hi guys! + +So, we've created a questionnaire about stress: [https://forms.gle/1PEqTfbveP1NrWgb9](https://forms.gle/1PEqTfbveP1NrWgb9) and we'd love for you to fill it out. Your responses will be super helpful for our research :) + +&#x200B; + +Thank you for your time! You'll find all the information needed in the description!",Short questionnaire about stress,0 +115,"Have you ever felt a sense of fear that seemed to take over your body and mind, leaving you feeling helpless? Fear can be a paralyzing emotion, preventing us from moving forward in life. But what if there was something you could do about it? What if there were ways to get rid of the sense of fear? + +In this article, we will explore practical tips and techniques for overcoming feelings of fear. Whether your fear is rooted in an event or situation from the past or stems from current worries and anxieties, these strategies may help you ease your fears so that they don’t control your life. + +We’ll discuss how to identify triggers, use self-talk to reframe thoughts, practice relaxation methods such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, reach out for support when needed, and more. So let’s dive into learning how to manage fear and gain peace of mind: + +[https://beautyaal.com/get-rid-of-fear/](https://beautyaal.com/get-rid-of-fear/)",Sense of fear,0 +116,"New poster here. I am a 54f professional w a history of depression. I notice I’ve developed new habits of rocking (rare) and chin quivering (frequent!, seems intentional, can stop, but the inclination is def increasing). Full transparency: I’ve started drinking a bit more, but no more than I’ve overindulged in the past due to stress. I am under incredible amounts of increasing, unrelenting, and incomprehensible stress these days due to my employer suddenly changing all policies. I never rocked/quivered before these changes. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced rocking and chin quivering in response to stress. And the influence of alcohol if relevant. Thanks.",New nervous/stress habits.,0 +117,"Well I've had problems with things for a couple of years but it's never been so bad that I can't concentrate and only talk to other people at school. + for example I was listening to the teacher the whole time and then she asks me something and I don't know what she said. + and also problems like I want to read something and I can read but I can't understand what I'm reading until I can picture it in my head and that's not easy either and if I can't picture it then I can too do not understand. + and in German I've never had any problems with grammar and such and commas and everything just happened by itself and I always wrote a 1 in dictations and now all of a sudden I've made all these grammatical errors that I've made before and still messed them up. + and I've never had problems remembering things, but now on a ö I can't remember anything anymore. I forget everything I'm told and I always have to imagine it before I'm told things. + and that has nothing to do with the brain, but lately I've been getting sick every week and my immune system is also deteriorating very badly, although I've always gone 4 years without getting sick (that has nothing to do with the topic but it has to be say once) + can anyone give me any advice on what to do now?",Do I have a problem with my brain?,0 +118,"Freaking tf out about my cbc test + +Hello everyone! I just need advice and yes I know this isn’t a doctors office etc… if anyone ever had abnormal blood work please share. I recently had to get blood work because my doctor put me on blood pressure medicine . When I did the results came back high for EOSINOPHIL. He told me to go back 2 weeks later which was Monday.. well now my white blood cells are low and I’m freaking the hell out . I keep reading shit on google and it’s nothing positive. My EOSINOPHIL is still high . I did have covid a month ago idk if that could do anything or not ? The only thing that changed in the last 2 weeks is I was put on blood pressure medicine for my blood pressure being so high . Please someone tell me I’m just crazy and my anxiety is getting the best of me . It’s so bad I can barely eat or think straight . Here are the results +- [ ] WBC +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 3.3 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 4.5 to 11.0 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] 4.5 - 11.0 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] NEUTROPHIL % +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 36 % +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 50 to 70 % +- [ ] 50 - 70 % +- [ ] EOSINOPHIL % +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 13 % +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 0 to 4 % +- [ ] 0 - 4 % +- [ ] NEUTROPHIL # +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 1.20 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 1.70 to 7.00 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] 1.70 - 7.00 x10ˆ3/uL",Cbc results scared af,0 +119,"Whatever you’re trying to achieve - save the world, write a novel, devote yourself to a particular cause – there are likely to be those who will be critical. Some people just have a critical disposition while others will take issue with the specifics of your particular endeavour. Criticism is unavoidable. Your choice is in how to respond to it. + +### Consider these strategies for managing the critics in your life: + +**Clarify your purpose.** As humans, we are compelled to make meaning. Making meaning for ourselves – and value for others – is fundamental to a life well lived. When you’re doing something very important to you, you care far less about the criticisms of others. If they can easily throw you off your path, you might want to reflect on how important it really is to you. Are you living your purpose consistent with you values? + +**Understand the critic’s motivation.** Are they projecting themselves in to the situation – their aspirations, their skill set, their propensity for risk, their values? Are they genuinely trying to protect you from any potential down-sides? Are they trying to maintain the status quo – for you, them or both? Are they masking their own lack of action? + +**Recognise that criticism is not balanced appraisal.** We have evolved to notice negative issues more readily than positive ones. We are more likely to notice criticism than encouragement: people working against us over people supporting us. Most people are actually indifferent to you and your life so get on and live it. + +**Realize that you’re going to be criticized no matter what you do.** Whether you become a billionaire, movie star, teacher, doctor, or sit on the couch all day, there is someone that will tell you that you’re doing the wrong thing. So, live your life building towards what you do want rather than what the critics don’t want. + +**Respond calmly.** Rather than giving your critics the pleasure of an emotional response, respond kindly with a considered response. Acknowledge any leaps of faith you are making. + +**Use your critics as motivation.** While some people are intimidated and deflated by the critics of the world, others are able to use the negative comments as a source of motivation. Remind yourself that while the critics are standing on the sidelines, you are on the pitch and playing the game. + +**Decide if they have something useful to say.** Some criticism may carry valid points – explore these with your critic and ask what their solution would be – the response differentiates between useful and harmful dialogue. If the criticism isn’t useful, move on. You have more important things to do. + +**Take criticism as a compliment.** Most people will leave you alone if you’re struggling or aren’t doing anything noteworthy. You only become a significant target of negative comments if you’re doing well. If you’re taking a lot of heat, you must be doing something correct! + +**Live your life without the need for the approval of others.** Live your own life, by your own values. Use your signature strengths to create meaning for you, value for others and legacy for the future in your chosen pursuit. + +I hope you took something useful from this piece; I have posted a further series of quick reads on my own little corner of Reddit – would be great to see you there.",Dealing with the Critics in Your Life,0 +120,"Society expects us to have kids, house, nice car and a “successful” career to be “happy”. + +We’re brainwashed into following this “dream” right from school and put ourselves through great deal of stress pain and suffering. + +Unless you’re born into wealth you have to give your life away and work for someone else’s dream with the tales that one day you will have the same amount of wealth and along the way you’re reminded how far away you are and compare yourself to others that have just that bit more than you. + +You sacrifice your life, freedom, health, relationship all for some pocket change and a supposed wealth while others are milking from your sacrifice this making you feel like a failure, feeling like that dream is further and further away. + +It’s a mindset you need to teach yourself, a mindset where your head is clear and at every obstacle you need to tell yourself no matter what it is that you’ll be fine because LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT and then when your health suffers all of these aspirations and dreams do not matter. + +I’ve been incidentally diagnosed with cancer - was very lucky as they’ve cut it out fairly quickly, only 3 nights in hospital, painless procedure. I’ve won a lucky dip with life because it was nothing, but seeing people who care about me being so upset was a horrible experience. + +I wanted them to be happy and stop worrying because I’ve never thought much of myself then why would they? Because I am nothing, I am not worth anything, low self esteem, never had any aspirations, goals, only liked cars, wasn’t very social, couldn’t really talk to people and sat in my own head alot. + +Showing how much those close to me cared for me made me change. When I lay in hospital my head was clear, didn’t worry about work, buying a house, savings or career. Only my family mattered and that’s how I’ve learned this mindset and began adapting my life around it, got rid of as much finance as I could, paid off my phone, sold the BMW bought a cheap Fiat for cash. Financial freedom helped with not worrying about money. Began saving money for a deposit for my new house in the future. + +I keep reminding myself to enjoy the little things in life, going for a walk, going to a gym or even buying something fancy to eat here and there on my weekly shop, going restaurant and getting a carbonara or a new phone case. I’ve started eating healthy and looking after my health. I feel happy, proud of myself and I live week by week. + +Of course I am aware I am very lucky and not everyone has the same opportunities in life and do not wish to upset anyone by this post. I hope this helps someone to find their path in life.",I hope this makes you feel better,0 +121," \*\*Content Warning\*\* - Sensitive/Sexual topics. As part of my Psychology degree at the University of Lincoln, I am carrying out research for my final dissertation project. If you are aged 18 years old or older and can read/write in English, I would appreciate it if you could take the time to complete my study, which will take about 20 minutes. This study is examining the influence of beliefs, personality traits, and desire on sexual fantasising. Gender will also be investigated as an influence. You should only take part if you feel comfortable with these topics, specifically sexual fantasy content. The brief in the study link will provide more information and details of what the study will involve (ethics approval code: 2022\_10295). Please note, if you are negatively affected by the questions/topics, you are free to withdraw from the study while participating by closing the browser. Please feel free to share this, along with the study link, to friends or group chats who you think may be interested in taking part. Your help would be very valuable. Thank you! + +[**https://unioflincoln.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_eXwS4nz1Z4SB3jo**](https://unioflincoln.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eXwS4nz1Z4SB3jo)","Investigating whether sexual fantasies are associated with personality, desire, and beliefs about one's own thoughts.",0 +122,"Hi dear students in this group, + +I have designed a mobile app based on research that can help you focus on priorities instead of ""short-term"" distractions in a motivational way! + +Try it for free; you will never regret it! + +I need your help to use it and evaluate it in 4 weeks. Your participation is highly appreciated. + +https://surveys.dal.ca/opinio/s?s=71795 + +For more info, read the following Recruitment notice + +Study Title: Evaluation of a Persuasive Mobile Application for Prompting Time Management Behaviour  If you are a student (part-time or full-time) enrolled in a degree program in a higher education institution, 18 years or older, and able to access a smartphone device, you are invited to evaluate the effectiveness of a persuasive app. The app aims to persuade students to be more organized towards their tasks and study spaces.   + +First, you will be asked to give consent to do the study and respond to pre-survey questions (take 20-25 mins), which consist of demographics questions, questions of your preference for organization toward your tasks and study space, level of perceived ability to control your time, and stress level. After answering the pre-survey questions and providing your email address, you will see a link to the app. By clicking the link, you will be able to download the app on your device.   + +Second, you will use the app daily by adding your daily tasks and organizing them based on their importance/urgency, marking them as complete, and engaging in social community features over four weeks. The app will send you notifications to emphasize the benefits of adhering to organizational acts and encourage you to minimize physical clutter in order to create a better-organized study space.   + +At the end of the study, you will be asked to respond to the post-survey questions (take 20-25 mins), which is the same pre-survey question, including your experiences and perceived persuasiveness towards the app. The interview will be optional. There will be a question that asks you if you want to be interviewed, and by choosing “yes,” the researcher will communicate with you for an online interview which takes 15 mins. The interview will be audio recorded.   + +Your participation is highly appreciated and is completely voluntary. All data will be treated confidential and for research purposes only. You will not be asked for any personal information other than your email to connect the pre survey, post survey, and the app usage.   + +Compensation:   Participants will be entered into a prize draw to win an Amazon C$25.00 gift card (8 winners). + +If you face any difficulties downloading the app, please contact Mona Alhasani (Mona.alhasani@dal.ca). If you know people that may be interested in taking part in the study, please, send the link to them.   + +This research study is being conducted by researchers at Dalhousie University,   Ms. Mona Alhasani – Lead researcher Dr. Rita Orji – Supervisor + +To participate in the study, please click on the link: https://surveys.dal.ca/opinio/s?s=71795",Looking for participants to use a mobile app designed for students,0 +123,When I get very stressed/nervous my hands go ice cold. How do you make this better?,Hands Turning Cold,0 +124,"Hey Reddit, + +This is my first post so bare with me - but I'm lost and I can no longer see the light in life. I've been working a crap job for the past two and a half years where I've been overworked. On top of that, my team is beyond toxic and our VP has caused so many issues to the point half of the team left, and the ones who remain are hanging on a thread to the point some are going on stress leave. + +I feel stuck. I'm dealing with issues personally, at home, and at work. + +I keep applying to jobs but nothing comes out of it. I've done so many interviews and made it through to the final round only to be told I was a strong candidate but they went ahead with someone else. + +I feel lost and hopeless. I battled so much in my life and got through severe depression in my teens to early twenties and what kept pushing me then was the fact that I thought I'd create something out of myself. I thought my future would be better. But it's not. + +The days are getting harder and I'm not sure what to do or where to go or who to turn to. I feel heavy all the time. I'm a 28 year old loser who has a stagnant career and a toxic job, no relationships, nothing. I'm losing hope",I can't see the light anymore.,0 +125,"Stress is an inevitable part of life. It can be caused by a variety of factors, such as work pressures, finances, relationships, and more. But learning how to manage stress effectively is essential for our well-being. In this article, we’ll explore the key elements of effective stress management so that you can start living a healthy and balanced life. + +[https://beautyaal.com/stress-management/](https://beautyaal.com/stress-management/)",Stress Management,0 +126,"**P.s The whole essence of the problem is in the second paragraph, the first paragraph is about me** + + +I am 18 years old, I have a weak nervous system from birth, but a strong character, and because of three years of serious problems in life, the death of several close people, my nervous system has failed and I probably have chronic anxiety.**From below I will describe everything that I have tried, if you have something to say, I beg on my knees, help me** + + +I tried meditation for 40 minutes a day, breathing techniques and much more of this type - but I came to the conclusion that this is not a solution to the problem, but a group control of my mind +I have tried a very large number of different herbs, ashwagandha, sacred basil.Also, different supplements - taking longer than 1 month and zero results, at most it became a little easier, but it is almost imperceptible.Personally, I think that these herbs, supplements are mostly utter nonsense, which has a lot of side effects, stupid studies that were not conducted in real life or just made to promote the product +I tried using reishi mushroom, cbd oil from a proven brand, tried vaping and other ways of using and everything is even + + +Please do not recommend medications or any herbs of the ""kava"" type, which has a hundred side effects, it is better to die than to eat this shit.If you really know a ""magic supplement, herb or something else"" about which few people know and it HELPED YOU OR YOUR FRIEND, ACQUAINTANCE - tell it to me please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please + +**Do not think that I am the type of people who have tried 1 product and immediately gave up, I am a person who ALWAYS GOES TO the END and will never accept defeat.I really spent a hundred hours analyzing this topic for the most part, and 99% of all the information is just a stinky slag bitch and it's impossible to fucking find adequate information.I searched in YouTube in different languages, also in Google itself for different queries in different languages, on Twitter and Facebook and found nothing working.If you have read this mini-post, thank you so much for at least thinking about the possible help to a stranger.All the best to you!!!!!!!**",I ask you from the bottom of my heart to help me.......,0 +127,"I’ll try to cut my story short in hope of someone out there being able to help me and guide me as I feel like I can no longer continue living with this feeling. + +A general idea about myself is that I am a 22 yrs old medical student. I usually stress and worry a lot about medical school and my examinations, regardless of the fact that I score the highest amongst my batch. + +My story starts the summer of 2021 where I met a girl that goes to the same medical school as I do. Half way through the relationship problems start to arise between the two of us and I didn’t think anything of them as all relationships have their ups and downs. At this time, my partner began to say bad and mean things to me when we fought which initially didn’t affect me as I knew it was because of her being angry (she also reassured me after the fight resolves that she didn’t mean it). This started to escalate in which the problems became more frequent and almost every time I’ve had hurtful things being said to me. This progressively increased till the summer of 2022 (~11 months past for our relationship) which was the same summer in which I would take my Step 1 exam (a really important, exhausting and dreadful exam). At this point I used to always worry about our future and if were are even compatible, I used to have a weird heart clenching feeling that is filled with worry and anxiety, I also used to wake up from sleep several times with my heart racing or wake up before my alarm with the thought of our relationship overwhelming. We had a fight around 3 weeks before my exam which was my last straw and I communicated to my partner at that time that I want to end things as I felt I should communicate to her my true feelings that I no longer feel like I can continue in this relationship or think we have a future together (the things that were said to me where the worse out of all fights). She was devastated, cried and begged for me to give her another chance as she will change herself. I was heistant but decided to give her a chance, it worked out for the first few days but then the same heart clenching weird anxious feeling returned. I tried to battle it and not disclose it to her, but eventually I couldn’t hide it anymore and told her I couldn’t accept and give her another chance (around ~4 days before my exam). The whole 4 days and holiday after the exam was devastating I was really sad and down. With time, I used to distract myself and go out with friends (I don’t drink) almost every other day which helped me try to forget the whole situation. + +Keep in mind that I’ve got several messages from my ex weeks after the breakup about how I was wrong and that she would never forgive me and other prayers. Similarly over the last couple of months (it’s been 6 months since our breakup) I’ve been getting tiktok reposts from her account of videos taking about injustice and how sad/devastated she was which always made me feel very guilty as I was the reason for her current feelings. Similarly, it made me self-conscious about my decisions and doubt my feelings as she claims I never loved her and if I did I would never leave her. + +Fast forward to the last month (5 months since breakup) where I finally approached a girl in my class that was always getting my attention and I couldn’t lay my eyes off her. In the first 3 days (through text), I was very happy and excited to get to know her. Three days later (which was also when the new school year started and the week of my important sport tournament) I started to have this same tiring, coruscating and exhaustive heart clenching feeling as if there is something I am worrying about. It started to increase progressively and I’ve always tried to forget it and keep it in the back of my head,, but it has been really taking a toll on me as I almost wake up everyday with this feeling and it stays throughout the day. Keeping in mind that throughout this period we’ve grown really close and she seems to really care about me. I have this feeling in the background around 60% of the day, 20% is me being distracted by work and friends and the remainder 20% consist of me actually overthinking and worrying. I really don’t understand why is this happening: + a. Am I feeling guilty that I am meeting a new person? + b. Am I worrying that this new relationship may end like the previous one? + c. Am I scarred and no longer can commit to a relationship? + d. Why is the same feeling (but less intensity) that I was having before I left my ex happening again???? + e. Is the person not compatible for me and I am still seeking my ex? + f. Did I still not move on from my previous relationship (prior to the new girl I was certain that I did move on and had 0 feelings, but I brought it up now because I have no idea what is the reason for this feeling) + +Any input can help me understand this feeling that is taking a huge toll on me. + + +This is a previous post of what I felt with my ex that I posted 200d ago: + +https://www.reddit.com/r/step1/comments/w5ypbm/morning_anxiety_life_and_relationships/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf",Anxiety? Stress? Guilt? Scarred?,0 +128,"Thinking Bout seeing the doc just to get myself checked out. Could be old age or poor lifestyle habits but i recently had a panic(?) stress moment that lasted for at least 5minutes until a problem was solved + +Background info: only experienced 2-3 occurrences where i found my legs specifically shaking due to nervousness. These experiences are spread very very far apart. 1st time over 10yrs ago fairly minor was just nervous about a new environment & people. + +2nd time was last june 2022 was falling behind online class, thought i couldn’t get set up this program until teacher helped lol and i think this was the main cause of stress (fear of being unable to catch up? Lost?) also deep slow breathing didn’t work here. How to manage lmao + +Most recent was few days ago, no leg shaking but just like the 2nd time can’t really think straight, brain wasn’t calming down even though i was breathing normally. Again it was a school related thing, had an IT issue i couldn’t fix, couldnt login to join lecture that was ongoing at the time. Feared missing out important content until i remembered i can watch the recording later but didn’t really get rid of that unpleasant rushed feeling and anxiousness that i need to get this login resolved. Only until i got connected with the school IT helpdesk that i felt completely fine again + +I seldom get nervous in job interviews but what is this??? Not sure why my body reacting like this if it’s just fear of falling behind/missing out + +Pretty sure there’s a correlation between 2 & 3 +Any insights? :(",Whats my cause of stress?,0 +129,"&#x200B; + +1. **Take breaks:** Make sure to take regular breaks throughout the day to help you relax and recharge. +2. **Prioritize tasks:** Focus on the most important tasks and break them down into smaller, manageable tasks. +3. **Practice self-care:** Take care of your physical and mental health by getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating well. +4. **Seek support:** Talk to friends, family, or colleagues about your stress or consider seeking professional help. +5. **Practice mindfulness:** Take a few moments to focus on your breathing or meditate to help reduce stress and increase focus. + +***Remember that managing work stress is a process, so be patient and kind to yourself as you find what works best for you.*** + +&#x200B; + +**Have any other in mind? Do share your views in the comment section below.**",Here are some tips for coping with work stress,0 +130,"I went to bed early last night to try to get a good nights sleep, but didn’t sleep AT ALL. Tossed and turned and heart was racing for like 9 hours in bed. Now I’m up and just ready to get these over with and put them behind me. I hate college, it makes my anxiety SO BAD. Looking into getting accommodations but it’s too late for these two exams -_- Wish I could just calm down and be “normal” and do my best…the crippling anxiety makes me perform worse.",Headed into my first two exams of the semester and I’ve been panicking for hours,0 +131,"Before anyone asks, no, the problem is not coming from my supervisor. He’s kind, willing to help and available for me. + +If you ask me I wouldn’t even say that I feel stressed before the meetings, in the sense that I’m not overthinking, I’m not having this bowl of stress in my belly that one could have facing pressure. + +Yet I don’t know why, systematically, 10-5 minutes before the meeting, I go to the toilet and I throw up everything I have, even if I had a light breakfast before. I really don’t know what can I do to stop this because it doesn’t feel like the problem is coming from me. It feels like I have no other choice but to throw up. + +Obviously it’s linked to the fact that I’m going to apply to a PhD and the fact that he’s a very knowledgeable man in his field, and there’s probably a bit of impostor syndrome playing. But what’s worrying me is the fact that of all the 10-12 meetings we had so far, I systematically throw up. I’ve had other meetings with other supervisors when I was a research assistant for instance and it didn’t happen probably because the stakes are lower. What can I do to feel better ?",I systematically throw up before having a Zoom meeting with my soon-to-be PHD supervisor,0 +132," + +Desk toys are the perfect way to relieve stress during a tough day at work. From fidget cubes to kinetic sand, there are endless options when it comes to desk toys that can provide a break from the monotony of office life and make it easier to stay focused. + +Not only can these toys reduce stress levels but they can also help increase productivity by giving users something else to concentrate on. + +From desktop Zen gardens and mini trampolines, to spinners and wobbles, there is no shortage of desk toys designed specifically for stress relief. + +Many of these items come in fun shapes and sizes and even feature light-up features that make them feel like miniature works of art. + +Whether you're looking for an item that's just plain fun or something with calming properties, there's sure to be an office toy out there perfect for your stressful day.","""Desk Toys for Your Stressful Day!""",0 +133,I'm still debating if I wanna try and learn to drive. I do wanna move one day and I know I can without a car but it might be easier with a car but I'd only be able to do daytime driving I'm sure. Idk if I'd be able to find a guy who likes me if I'm not driving though but I'm still independent without a car though. I'm probably thinking too much about it though. I really need to stop over thinking about shit but my mind just goes into overdrive at times,Over thinking about stuff,0 +134,"Over the past few years - like most ppl - I’ve had a rough time with covid lockdown, plus then I was diagnosed with hiatal hernia, then divorce, and now financial pressures of single-handedly running a household. + +I was hoping to put this all behind me but last summer new symptoms started to appear: + ++ IBS / GERD (hiatal hernia) ++ Cardiac arrythmias (thousands a day) ++ Various skin complaints ++ Alopecia Barbae (beard patches) + +I’ve now had 9 months of all these symptoms and I’ve tried individual meds like beta blockers, PPI, tweaking diet, exercise with no luck… the docs say this is all because of going through a major life disruption and it’s due to underlying stress. The cardio and gerd stuff is so bad I’ve started avoiding stuff but I have CBT planned as a last resort treatment. Concerned the stress is permanently damaging my health. + +Anyone deal with anything similar? Go through a major event and suffer chronic stress? Any of these symptoms? Did they resolve after a time? + +How do you treat underlying, chronic stress?",Chronic stress symptoms,0 +135,[https://afitindian.com/anxiety-disorders-causes-symptoms-and-solutions/](https://afitindian.com/anxiety-disorders-causes-symptoms-and-solutions/),This article has been really helpful on anxiety disorders and how to control an episode,0 +136,"Does your stress cause anxiety? +Every morning my muscles are all tense and I have a tension headache - especially after a stressful previous day. + +By the evening this has almost gone, probably at 10/20% of what it was in the morning and then in the morning it just resets back! Doing my suede in! + +Any advice?",Does your stress cause anxiety?,0 +137,"How on earth do I stop utilizing food for comfort? This past year is the first time I've had a very unhealthy relationship with food (had my second child and have been nursing her. I'm a sahm with a 3 and 1 year old). All I can think about is food and eating. I'm constantly ""snacking"" and I'm always eating really bad and unhealthy options. I sometimes get healthier options but something in my brain just won't go for those in the moment and I truly feel I can't control it(I know I can and should be able to but I guess my willpower sucks). I'm so sick of starting and restarting my health journey every day because I can't keep from overeating to an insane level. It's truly becoming embarrassing and I have so much shame. + +I also have issues with hair pulling. I'll sit and pull my hair out one strand at a time anytime I'm idle. I'm well into it before I even realize how long I've done it. I've had this issue on and off since college. + +I've spoken about both of these issues with my therapist this past week and all she really told me was to find a sort of ""fidget"" to use when I'm idle to keep from the hair pulling. She gave me no advice on my food issues so I hoping to continue pushing that at the next session. Any advice or help would be so much appreciated, especially if anyone has experienced the same issues.",food and hair pulling,0 +138,"In my work as a hypnotherapist most of my clients are mature adults experiencing issues rooted in anger, anxiety, depression - or a mixture of these. Often, they are wondering if their present issues are linked to their childhood experiences. More often than not, the answer is yes. + +Research carried out since the end of the last century has led to a greater understanding of how adverse childhood experiences impact on long term wellbeing – both physical and psychological. The key findings are: + +· Childhood trauma is very common: even in so-called well-to-do areas. + +· There is a direct link between childhood trauma and chronic disease in adulthood. + +· The more types of trauma a child experiences, the greater the risk of them of experiencing social and emotional problems as adults. + +· Those who experience childhood trauma often experience more than one type of trauma. + +You can calculate your own ACEs score by responding to the following questions. Give yourself 1 point for each question where you experienced that category of trauma before your eighteenth birthday. + +1. Emotional abuse: Did a parent or other adult often or very often insult, demean, belittle, humiliate, verbally assault, or threaten to physically assault You? + +2. Physical abuse: Did a parent or other adult often or very often grab, slap, push, or hit You? + +3. Sexual abuse: Did a parent, adult, or someone at least five years older than you ever touch your body in a sexual way or attempt or have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with You? + +4. Emotional neglect: Did You often or very often feel that no one in your family loved you or thought you were important; or your family did not look out for each other, feel close to each other, and support each other? + +5. Physical neglect: Did You often not have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, had no one to attend to your medical and dental needs, or had no one to protect you? + +6. Loss of parent: Were your parents separated or divorced, or did you lose a parent for any reason? + +7. Domestic violence: Did You often or very often witness or hear violence between your parents or other adults where someone was being grabbed, shoved, slapped, hit, kicked, had something thrown a them, sexually attacked, or threatened with a weapon? + +8. Family member with addiction: Did You live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, who used illicit drugs, or who was addicted to any other substances? + +9. Family member with depression/mental illness: Did you live with anyone who was depressed or mentally ill, attempted or committed self-harm and/or suicide, or hospitalized for mental illness? + +10. Family member incarcerated: Did you live with anyone who went to prison? + +ACES Score (0-10) = + +As ACE scores increase, so does the risk of disease, social and emotional problems. With an ACE score of four or more, things start getting serious. While studies in different locations return slightly different results, the figures suggest around 11% of the population have experienced four or more adverse childhood experiences. + +Fortunately, brains and lives are somewhat plastic. Resilience research shows that the appropriate integration of resilience factors — such as asking for help, developing trusting relationships, forming a positive attitude, listening to feelings — can help people improve their lives. Research in to post traumatic growth has identified five broad areas of growth: + +· greater appreciation of life, + +· closer relationships with others, + +· increased personal strength, + +· new possibilities in life, and + +· spiritual “development + +Which correlate very closely with the dimensions of wellbeing psychology: + +· Positive emotions + +· Positive engagement + +· Positive relationships + +· Positive meaning + +· Positive accomplishments + +· Positive health","If you’re wondering whether adverse childhood experiences are negatively impacting you as an adult, you probably already know the answer.",0 +139,"Countless studies show that spending even just a few minutes in nature helps reduce stress and speeds up recovery time. What is a way you spend time in nature? If you don’t, why not? (Mobility issues, live in a big city, time, etc)",How do u nature?,0 +140,I’ve noticed I tend to get blubby when I go through long periods of constant stress. There’s no change to my diet or exercise yet I look visibly fatter. Can stress be causing this?,Can stress cause weight gain?,0 +141,"I'm moving interstate in 2 weeks, have had a lot happen in my life over the past 4 months, zero support where I currently live and I'm under extreme stress that's destroyed my appetite completely. I eat maybe a few bites of food most days, rarely eating a proper meal. I'm not even doing my usual stress binge eating, nor are my chocolate cravings there. I just feel full or sick every time I try eat. I'm losing weight rapidly that I can't afford to lose (I'm very short and already had a small frame so even just 3kg is a huge loss for me, anymore and I'll look like a ghost) + +Most of my stressors will leave me when the move itself happens and I'm seeing a new therapist as well then, one better equipped to help me. + +I just need help with eating in the meantime. I can barely stomach anything, when I do try eat a meal, I'm done after a few bites. I have very little control at the moment and I want to do right to my body to reduce the impact of this stress. All I can really control are food, making sure I take my medication and get some extra sleep. I just need help or advice with the food part. Again, it's just until I move and I have a support network and control over my life again.",Help with appetite under extreme acute stress,0 +142,Is it normal for your behaviour to become more erratic when you're stressed? I feel like I'm acting very differently because I'm stressed and just don't give a shit anymore.,Behaviour become more erratic?,0 +143,I'm working on a project and would really appreciate your input. If you can help please link to short survey. 5 or so questions here: [Survey](https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/iac7KpqbNRKw8AHExtjc),Help w Project I'm Working on To Help People Alleviate Stress and Pain: Your Feelings & Viewpoint,0 +144,"So basically last year humped me. So much happened that I have been left with symptoms of post traumatic stress. Anyway I left my job to start this year fresh and hopefully not get bullied like last year. I have been losing weight, eating healthier, going to the gym and have never felt better. Two weeks of finally feeling like a human again and tonight I was going to go to the cinema to realise my car has broke. I know it sounds silly but I can’t catch a break.",Every time things start to get better something bad happens.,0 +145,"Parenting is TOUGH. Kids are STRESSED. Looking for helpful tips? We are looking for children between the ages of 8 and 13 years old and their parents to participate in a study.  We will suggest some small behavioral changes that we think will help your child manage stress. You will be paid $40 for your time! +  +The study consists of either one or two (depending on group assignment) virtual study visits (~30-60 min) via a Zoom call with a member of our study team. We will suggest some small, simple changes to common behaviors for both you and your child to make over the next 4 weeks that we think will help your child manage stress. We will also ask you to fill out some online surveys. At the end of the study, you will receive a $40 Amazon gift card and we will send you a report form with your child’s mental health symptom scores! + +To find out more and to see if you are eligible, click on the following link: +https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6L4TvqQ2oWG4X8a + +Or call or email us today for more information! +Phone: (850)-629-8525 +Email: abhc.newhart@gmail.com",Psychology lab at Florida State University looking for parents and kids!,0 +146,"Do you get anxious in social situations? You may be eligible to participate in an in-person study conducted by the Anxiety, Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. + +Eligible participants with Social Anxiety Disorder will be randomized to a 3-week intervention of cannabidiol (CBD) or placebo. Participation in this study requires 6 study visits over a month-long period, including several blood tests and an fMRI neuroimaging scan. Eligible participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are located in NYC, a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-45, and are interested in this study, please complete the prescreen survey here: [https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN).",Subjects needed for a study on CBD and Social Anxiety,0 +147,"Do you worry a lot? You may be eligible to participate in a study conducted by the Anxiety, Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. Eligible participants with Generalized Anxiety Disorder will be randomized to an 8-week group intervention of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) or stress education classes. Participation in this study requires 10 study visits over 13-14 weeks plus one 3-month follow up assessment as well as 8 or 9 MBSR or stress education classes. Participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-50, and are interested in this study, please fill out the following form: + +[https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=8JTAHRDHYM](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=8JTAHRDHYM)",Subjects needed for a study on treatment of Anxiety,0 +148,My online best friend has countlessly mentioned wanting to kill herself mainly because her mom and grandma fight constantly every day outside of her room but also some stress she has about getting a job and things like that. This has also led to her getting sick ALL the time. She says she feels like a burden to her family. I dont know what to do about it or how to help her. I can't visit her yet either. I've talked to her about it and asked her to call a hotline but she doesn't want to. I say I'm always here for her time and time again and how much I love and appreciate her and she even responds saying how much she loves and is so grateful for me coming into her life but she won't change her mind. I NEED HELP!!,My online international friend wants to kill herself and I dont know what to do for her,0 +149,,when was the last time you spent ~20 minutes behind your desk without getting anything done?,0 +150,"i feel like i have so much going on right now :/ i’m not going to get into details but a lot of pressure from family and stress school wise. i’m feeling the heat from being in grade 12 and man it’s terrible. my head feels stuffed with stressors and problems. how can i sort through them and work through each problem? (ie, bad grades, post secondary, etc)",my mind is too busy,0 +151,"Due to stress I am getting horrific muscle pains from tension, is there anyone out there who experiences the same thing? It’s predominantly my back, shoulders and neck 😓 + +All day today I’ve had a tension headache too with a sick and dizzy feeling 😭 + +For the last week I have been taking magnesium, vitamin D (due to slight deficiency), ashwagandha & vitamin B12.",Tension muscle pain,0 +152,,"feeling so stressed, wat do i do",0 +153,"I'm getting married in a month. I'm 37 and my parents and sister were pressing me to have a big wedding but I've never wanted a big one. More so, my fiancé doesn't want a big wedding either. We decided to have an immediate wedding ceremony then dinner right after. Since then my mom, dad and sister are giving me grief about our vision for a wedding. My sister keeps telling me that our ideas are stupid. I currently have an eye stye in my right eye and my left eye is twitching like boiling water. This morning I noticed that my left leg is also twitching. Any remedies to get rid of both would he helpful. + +I do not drink, smoke or drink caffeine.",Eye Twitching - Help needed,0 +154,,"i feel like time is going way too fast, im 15 year old. im not kidding about this but everytime i don't look at the clock 7 minutes pass, its almost like having a condition",0 +155,"Hi, I’m looking for participant to take part in my final year project at university. This study aims to identify and analyse 5 predictors of test anxiety (Continues Partial Attention, Self-Esteem, Inhibition, Updating and Switching) to expand on the understanding of test anxiety and better improve the wellbeing and academic achievement of students. + +This study does not work through a phone or safari so you will need a laptop/ computer and google chrome/ Firefox for it to work. + +The study will involve 3 short questionnaires measuring Test Anxiety, Continues Partial Attention and Self-Esteem. And 3 cognitive tasks to measure Inhibition, Updating and Switching. This study is expected to take between 25 - 30 minutes to complete. + +If you are under the age of 18 or colour-blind you are unable to take part in this study. +You will need access to a computer or laptop to run this study. + +If you are interested in participation and would like more information about this study, please follow the link. + +[https://sunduni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_eu2OxU64QxLI76S](https://sunduni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eu2OxU64QxLI76S?fbclid=IwAR23u41H3Eb7m3JGnON34teN0F66TvWWlBihc3IxQjUyNSlIlsJFZWsNJcg)",Participants needed,0 +156,,"could someone help me? i have a problem w sleeping and i keep sleeping very very late and i want to try methods that would help me adjust my sleeping schedule, but nothings working and i am worried and stressed out. any tips and tricks?",0 +157,"When I’m super stressed and I don’t know where my life is headed, work sucks, am unhappy with my looks, have no prospects, etc, I cry. + +I was wondering if other women do this too? Do guys do this? Or is it a female thing because of our hormones maybe?",Is crying when stressed a female thing?,0 +158,"Hello all. + +I have been on sick leave from work for 3 months now. +Tomorrow I’m starting slowly again. 3 hours. + +Throughout all January I have had this persistent restlessness. I have been sleeping 4-6 hours every night, woken up, and slept again for 2-4 hours. Getting up at noon. The past two weeks I have tried to get up at 8, to match my work schedule. Now I only sleep 6 hours and stay in bed trying to get in the last two hours. +It worries me that I’m still not sleeping through a full night. +I’m not sure if it’s stress or my hiatal hernia or my chronic neck pain that wakes me up. But I wake up rather abruptly. So I’m guessing stress. Sometimes I wake up with racing heart. + +Speaking of racing heart - I started to get that randomly racing heart throughout the day. I wonder if it’s because I’m starting work and I’m nervous about it. I have social anxiety and I’m trying to fit into this new “me first” mindset. I’m a big people pleaser, but I have had to break with that habit now. Also I keep getting chest pain, I’m not sure if it’s my hiatal hernia or if it’s stress. + +Idk what to do. I’m feeling uneasy about not feeling better than I am after 3 months.","Sleeping 6 hours, heart Racing and chest pain",0 +159,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +I am a sports student and writing a paper about the positive influence of breath work on stress / burnout. + +You would do me a tremendous favor if you can take part in my very short survey. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8](https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8) + +Due to low response rate we decided to raffle 50 USD among all participants. Raffle will be on Wednesday. + +Cheers, Christian",50 USD amazon voucher for 2min survey (student project),0 +160,"I have this nasty habbit for 9 years... Picking my face, back. Of course I undeestad that it is bad, but still doing this ""routine"".And it has its consequences: the scars, red spots, even more agressive psoriasis... + I had some success stories of not picking, but lasted 1 month maximum. +I believe that it is like addiction.",Can anybody relate to skin picking?,0 +161,Stress and anxiety has made me successful in the things that I do. But I’m also worried I may be stressing too much. Any advice on how I can get rid of stress even though I feel like I need it?,I feel like I can’t get rid of stress because it has benefitted me my whole life.,0 +162,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +I am a sports student and writing a paper about the positive influence of breath work on stress / burnout. + +You would do me a tremendous favor if you can take part in my very short survey. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8](https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8) + +Due to low response rate we decided to raffle 20 Euros among all participants. + +How to qualify + +\- Take part in survey + +\- Send me a DM with your e-mail and write me what is the last question in the survey + +\- Tomorrow we raffle the winner. + +Cheers, Christian",Short Survey for Student Project - Take part and get 20USD amazon voucher (takes 2mins),0 +163,[Make Your Own Stress Balls - How To Guide](https://www.motherofgrom.com/post/make-your-own-stress-balls-how-to-guide),Make Your Own Stress Balls - How To Guide,0 +164,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +I am a sports student and writing a paper about the positive influence of breath work on stress / burnout. + +You would do me a tremendous favor if you can take part in my very short survey. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8](https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8) + +&#x200B; + +Cheers, Christian",Short Survey for Student Project - Please support,0 +165,"I was just doing my homework as usual, nothing was on my mind it was actually just blank. And suddenly I start looking through my notes, specifically at all the marked out words and suddenly getting frustrated. But still, I wasn't thinking anything, mind blank. So unexpectedly I start stabbing my notebook and my pen breaks and then I start crying and hyperventilating, again, I have no idea what's happening or why I am crying. A few minutes after I stop and get back to normal, mind is still empty and I'm confused now and scared of myself, why would I do that. Yes, I am really stressed right now because of exams but I didn't know I would be stabbing a damn notebook for no reason. Can someone help me out? What could this be?",Please help me..,0 +166,"Over the past month or so things in my life have gotten crazy - in so many facets. + +My grandma got diagnosed w cancer, my mom is having sudden alarming blood pressure issues, I'm in my last semester of college, working 30 hours per week, I just got a job offer for after graduation, rent is increasing, and more - all within this month. + +My average resting heart rate has increased almost 20 bpm. My usual RHR is around 60-65 and for the past week or so it's been sitting around 80-85. Yesterday in particular my heart rate got all the way up to 180 while walking to class (what would normally only bring it to around 120-130 or so). I just don't know what to do to get my stress levels down, and in return, my RHR.",High RHR due to Stress,0 +167,"Hi I am always nervous, I don't know how to describe like having butterflies on the stomach all the time and always on alert state. I keep making mistakes because of the alert state, after I make a simple mistake I get angry about myself and feel guilty, I cannot find a safe place to feel at peace even at home, my brain cannot stop thinking. How can I handle this? Thank you",Is this stress or mental health issues?,0 +168,"One of the most satisfying things about being a therapist is watching clients build their lives on their terms by applying the content and capabilities they're learning and developing. + +Just recently, I wrote a comprehensive case study giving a fly on the wall account of what it is really like to work with a modern, third generation hypnotherapist. + +[http://permahypnotherapy-25599865.hubspotpagebuilder.eu/break-free-0-0](http://permahypnotherapy-25599865.hubspotpagebuilder.eu/break-free-0-0) + +It's packed full of insight, hints, tips and, for now, it is free to download.",we're all a work in progress,0 +169,"Last year alone . I stressed a lot . I actually told myself I’m so stressed . I feel like I could die from this level of stress . Well it almost got me . + +Start of last year . +- stress induced stomach ulcer + +4 months later +- stress induced IBS + +6 months later +- started grinding my teeth + +8 months later +- teeth grinding now caused tinnitus , ear pain , jaw pain . + +So because of stress I have facial pain , stomach pain , intestines issues , worn teeth and worst of all 24/7 tinnitus and ear pain . + +Stress is no joke . Look after yourself",How stress alone has potentially ruined my physical health .,0 +170,"I’ve been super stressed and anxious lately because of a lot of stressors at home plus feeling like I have no one to share them with. My family has been going through insane amount of financial issues and debts so I don’t know if this is a cause // effect. + +In the past 5 months I’ve diagnosed myself with all types of cancers ( because I had blood in my stool due to hemmoroids ) I’ve had swollen nodes in my neck etc. + +My body has acted out in all kinds of ways over the past few months and I’ve been visiting all doctors where nothing major has been diagnosed but I can’t stop worrying. I had got my blood work done 3 months ago and it was all good, now with the body pain I feel like getting it again because I feel like some new cancer mah have developed. + +The past week has been literal hell where my muscles are constantly extremely aching. My legs have been so sore, I wake up every night from 2 AM to 5 AM with leg // stomach pain and anxiety attacks plus my guts have been churning and I’m constantly worrying about things. + +Has anyone else got these symptoms weird anxiety symptoms ? Sometimes I don’t even realise that I’m clenching my leg muscles they ache so much. + +Sorry for freaking out and posting about all of this. I’ll appreciate some good vibes / validation + +I’m 29/F",Does anyone else get sore aching legs and body pain from being in a constant state of worry and stress,0 +171,,I'm doing my best to overcome my stress ful life as much as I can I do the things to protect my mental peace. But after doing all of this I don't know why Not helping me..i tired now what to do ? will i ever get out of this? What to do????,0 +172,,What are some of your coping mechanisms?,0 +173,"The tension I get is so bad. I can feel it in my neck and my head. Tension headaches like crazy. The tension makes me feel foggy and almost disassociated. I've started having migraines too. 39 years old without ever having them until this past year. Really need to get a grip on my stress because it's so awful trying to live life while feeling this way. I've tried meditation, stretches, heat therapy. It does help but I can't just address my stress when it surfaces. I have to figure out how to keep it under control during normal life so as to avoid getting to this point.",Stress and anxiety are no joke,0 +174,If you haven’t seen my previous post then I suggest you go look at it but I broke up with my girlfriend today and it felt like a whole mountain of stress and anxiety fell off my shoulders 😌😌,UPDATE,0 +175,As by the title yes I may need to see a therapist soon for what reason you might ask well here a little background so me and my girlfriend have been dating a whole 9 months her birthday is tomorrow and Valentine’s Day is literally right around the corner and I’m trying to focus on school and she’s clingy as hell which means I barely get to have my own personal space somedays I don’t even get to handout with the boys because of her and school not to mention I’ve got crap tons of homework everyday that I do and don’t do mainly because I stay up playing video games thinking on how I can be a better boyfriend to her and I’ve even gone some nights not eating and overall I’ve just got a shit ton of stress and I feel like shit every day and it’s hell 😭😭😭,It’s not gonna be long before I have see a therapist,0 +176,"TLDR : 3 questions at end regarding how to not care to disappoint when team and boss have seen my abilities. Boss has high aspirations for me this year or which if I fulfill I’m going to stretch myself so thin that I will leave or go into depression. + + +I was given a rather good yearly review, and well incentivized, but I am currently stressed, and trying to figure out how to have less responsibilities, when it’s desired I have more. This is above and beyond the rest of my team. + +Boss sees my “potential” and not only wants it to continue, but also have me lead more, be more of a driver and influencer, and upgrade my knowledge, cross-team visibility. All of which I do not want. Taking on any more work feels like I’m going to “pop” and I’m already near / at burnout. + +I hate disappointing and failing (why I try harder than others on my team; and also why I’m hate being in this position I am right now) but I’m at my max currently near / in burnout, thinking or ways to get out. My mindset is that I’d rather quit a 6fig job and go elsewhere / take a break than disappoint and fail someone whom believes in me so wholeheartedly, and knows how fast I can operate. + +Sadly I’ve “shown my hand” this past year of what I’m capable of, but it’s unsustainable for my stress levels, needed downtime, and resetting ability. And more is desired. I’ve mentioned already to the boss that I’m burning the candle at both ends, but it’s only been sprinkled throughout the year. I also hate that I would them regret providing a large optional incentivized reward. Additionally if I fail it’s most likely no more of that and I would just be considered “middle of the road”. I’m OK with that if someone didn’t know my abilities, but again I have pushed past 120% capacity many times for tight deadlines and to get things done. + +- How do I change my mindset to not care about disappointing +- What, if anything, do I tell boss? I feel I need to drop hints that this is too much and if I’m dead it does no one good. ( absolutely sucks feeling capable but also having a hapicapied weakness of stress leading to depression.) +- What would you do if you were me with these concerns, and yet burned out?",[Question] Burned out but boss loves my ability and will continue to incentivize if I do more,0 +177,"Hi everyone, may I please invite you to answer a poll? + +If there is anything you would want to be better at what would it be? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10n8jpe)",Stress Management,0 +178,"I get awful tummy problems when I’m stressed, to the point where it’s hard to eat properly. How do you guys deal with this? I’ve had quite a run of stress lately, and as a side effect I haven’t been eating enough",Dealing with stress related gastric problems,0 +179,"In an effort to support each other here... + +Open discussion: What is the hardest part about dealing with stress? Share what you are going through. I'm sure it will help me too and I'd feel that I am not alone. I'll go first - My relationships are taking the backseat. My children suffer too.",Hardest part about dealing with stress,0 +180," + +Are you feeling overwhelmed by the stress and anxiety of everyday life? You're not alone. Worry, stress, and anxiety can often come from daily tasks that are out of our control or from a lack of focus on self-care. Thankfully, there is an easy solution: best gummies for stress and anxiety! + +Gummies infused with calming herbs such as chamomile, lavender, and passionflower have been shown to reduce levels of worry and promote relaxation. + +They are also low in calories and free from artificial ingredients making them a great choice if you're looking for an all-natural way to chill out. + +Additionally, gummies can be taken anywhere at any time making them extremely convenient when it comes to managing your mental health on the go.","""Reduce Worry and Chill Out – The Best Gummies for You""",0 +181,"Nobody listens to the words I say +Only pipe up when I have to pay +Everyone talks over me +Then I get asked why I'm not acting like me + +Only care when I'm acting recluse +Not caring when I feel like no use +Not speaking up when I feel out of place +Only making me feel like a waste of space + +I know this is too much to handle +But I feel like I must be like a candle +Melt away all the excess waste +Find a smile to put on the new face + +credit to Twitter / @onlyhumans65",Nobody listens,0 +182,"Please help I beg … + +I have a huge problem trying to sleep + +I hate dreaming and the thought of dreaming or just realizing I’m in a different reality of the world sometimes it makes me not want to sleep or I don’t be able to sleep I want to break out of this mindset but I don’t know where to start everyone suggests me therapist but they always make me try to pay something when I simply just want answers and it’s frustrating cause I’m 17 going through this and everyone is trying to use me as a piggy bank instead of helping me become better",Please help me I beg,0 +183,"Hi everyone! I am doing a small research survey (2 minutes) on how some mobile games can cause us to be a little too stressed - specifically looking for female players ages 25-55 from North America like myself. If you identify as a female, I would REALLY appreciate it so much if you can answer a few quick survey questions (it is completely anonymous) [https://forms.gle/YEFNqpg6YXF1UmH17](https://forms.gle/YEFNqpg6YXF1UmH17?fbclid=IwAR2m2DbjLP3-MrUYY9t7I2ghUN6077y-fMFOOELnW7mA8ctvNhV1Xuu62l0)",Small Survey on mobile games and stress,0 +184,"Okay, so how do you fellow working citizens deal with stress? I just started a new job and the perfectionist in me is so nervous. I know i’m just starting but I literally want to blow my brains out because of how fucking dumb I can be with it sometimes. (Not literally but just like if I wasn’t so nervous my stupid brain would actually function better. Just agg) + + +Ughh I know I know. +Practice makes perfect but like…. What the fuck man. + + +I’m so scared I will fail and tarnish the company name and get fired for being a dumbass.",Stress Management,0 +185,"Stress is present in everyone's life. This is unavoidable. What we can change is how we deal with it. And sometimes, all we need is to know how to relieve stress quickly, before it does damage to us or our loved ones. So, simple and quick ways for you to relieve your stress. They are suitable for any situation: whether at work, in studies, at home, in a day-to-day situation or in something more punctual. Good reading! Chat",no stress,0 +186,"Are you between the ages of 18-45 years old and want to participate in psychological research? + +I would like to invite you to take part in a multi-part research study investigating the effects of past life experiences on stress related factors; such as daily stress, ability to regulate emotions and sleep. To understand these relationships in the context of other important social, and psychological, factors such as social support and suicide behaviour history. To research this, we will ask you to complete a series of surveys across one week. This includes one initial 15 minute survey and then two 2 minute surveys per day for a 7 day period. Participants will have the chance to win Flexi eGift cards. + +If you would like to take part please click the link below: + +[https://leedspsychology.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_2sMaT1sKkyiQMlw?fbclid=IwAR31YrKJVSdEoXA4WMXqMKomHSmb7F1zgFySUHx-1KSPqUK\_yhi77MRJc04](https://leedspsychology.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2sMaT1sKkyiQMlw?fbclid=IwAR31YrKJVSdEoXA4WMXqMKomHSmb7F1zgFySUHx-1KSPqUK_yhi77MRJc04) + +\*\*\*PLEASE ensure at the end of the survey that you submit your telephone number as you will not be able to proceed with the study. + +All research has been assessed and approved by the University of Leeds School of Psychology Ethics Committee. Reference number: PSYC-692, Date of approval: 07/12/2022.",Investigating the effects of early life experiences on stress related factors in adulthood,0 +187,"I don’t know if it’s stress related. I do not consciously know if I am under a lot of stress, but on the way back from the laundry room, I pressed the wrong floor and started trying to open the door to the wrong apartment(which is two floors above mine). I realised that it was my seemingly ours but I had to take a minute to recall my own actual apartment number. +Is this worrisome? I have been in this apartment for 22 days.",Forgot the way to my apartment!,0 +188,Lost about 80 pounds since 2019 and now since starting new job 6 months in I can’t stop stress eating. Gained about 20 pounds in the last 6 months from starting this job now I can’t control myself feel like I’m going to gain it all back,Back to stress/depression eating,0 +189,"I always wish to surround myself with people who spread positivity in their talks and actions. It is such an overwhelming experience to be around them that loads me up with a whole energy. + +When we are faced with tough situations in life, communicating with optimistic people paves the way to eliminate negative thoughts and substantially boosts our conf..... [Continue Reading ](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2023/01/22/what-are-your-energy-givers-here-is-the-list-of-mine/)",These are my Energy Gainers,0 +190,"Any tips or ideas on how to manage it? I've tried every shampoo and I even have a steroid to rub on my head when it flares up from my dermatologist, but nothing works",Stress induced dandruff,0 +191,"I’m doing this post almost holding a panic attack, but let's go. +I'm not an English speaker. Recently, I moved to a country (non-English speaker either) for a job (that only uses English). Everyone I’ve dealt with has some international background with a good spoken English or is native. +It's my first international position and my first time living abroad. And I've never been so stressed with my spoken English. +Last week, twice during a meeting, my boss mentioned it in front of everyone. Everyone with such a diverse background compared to my mediocre one. Since this situation, my confidence has disappeared, and I have felt that my spoken English has worsened. +At the same time, I've been so paranoid about it, that I noticed some behaviors that worried me (like being fixed on only consuming English content, avoiding and culprit myself for even thinking in my native language). +I'm petrified. I feel I'm losing the respect of my colleagues... +Does anyone have some ideas or suggestions? +My writing improved a lot, but my speaking... Damn...",Stressed about speaking a second language,0 +192,"I am a college senior and lately I have been stressed to the point that it has been affecting my sleep schedule. Currently I am taking a gap year to retake some prerequisites and study for the MCAT med school, I don’t live at home due to my school being far away, but I am stress that I have to be at home and study for it. I didn’t have my own room before I left to college. I had to lose one of the unused rooms in my house as my personal room, unfortunately, my parents decided that they prefer this room compared to the master bedroom. It was fine at the moment because I was away at college and I had a house near my school. Now that I’m about to graduate and hopefully move back home to save money I have brought up this issue if I could get the room back but instead of hearing me out, they had stated that I can just go to the library study. I am not sure whether or not I should just suck it up and move back home or save up enough money to move out officially. Any advice would be wonderful!",Worried about my gap year,0 +193,"I love my son. He is my rock, my world and the reason I am pushing myself. But, it’s reached a point where I am breaking. I hardly eat because I don’t have time to cook and prepared foods are expensive and unhealthy. I’m buried in school work already, I have to work to earn a paycheck and my son has needs too. I had been having awful migraines last semester and now they are back and this time I am nauseous too. I was dry heaving for 20 minutes. Right now my head hurts so bad that I am seeing flashing lights and feeling dizzy. I tried eating a banana and some crackers and drank some coffee, but it hasn’t lessened. I don’t know what to do. I am out of PTO due to covid and can lose my job for calling out, which I don’t wanna do because I have so much on my plate already.","Being a single parent, working, and going to school is killing me",0 +194,"[https://4331566654243.gumroad.com/l/tzjrq](https://4331566654243.gumroad.com/l/tzjrq) + +This comprehensive and easy-to-follow ebook, that contains a lot of science backed strategies to dealing with stress will improve your overall wellbeing instantly.",How to deal with stress,0 +195,"Hi all, thank you for stumbling upon this post. + +The fall semester ended for me in mid-December, and I resume for the spring semester in a week. I'm reflecting on the time I spent while having absolutely no academic, social, or financial responsibility... to say the very least, I'm not very pleased with how I dedicated my time. Much of it was spent sleeping, binge-watching shows, cooking, and staying inside. I did get some important things done, but I can't help but think, ""why couldn't I have done more?"" I had hoped to do some exploring or go out more frequently to enjoy the outdoors. I'm disappointed in myself for not doing so. + +At the same time, I'm reminding myself that I needed to not do anything for a whole month after a year and a half of consecutive working. This was my first break in a really long time. I'm just upset about how unwisely I spent it... I don't know. + +Any advice or comments?",Is it okay that I did nothing over my month off from university?,0 +196,"Hey guys, i got a problem, like i build a wall in my head, if i wake up early and have to go in the public, like uni i have Diarrhea and now i am to stressed to face these situations, what can i do?","Diarrhea from stress, what can i do?",0 +197,,[advice] how to deal with Burnout?,0 +198,"I applied for a masters program in a field that I’m really passionate about. I was actually accepted into the program the year before but because of funding issues, I had to turn down the offer. + +This year I made sure to apply for many different scholarship and have managed to secure partial funding at least so it seemed like everything was looking up for me! + +Then last month my laptop was stolen (really scary situation that I’m not gonna into detail about) and I’ve had to email the university using my cell phone instead of my laptop like usual. I realized I’ve been sending draft emails through to the admissions office and associate prof while I was trying to save them and I genuinely just want to cry and give up. + +It’s such a stupid mistake and given the lack of response on the professor’s part I’m thinking this might ruin my chances. I was so proud of my personal statement and had really solid references but now I’m doubting everything about my application and myself. + +Edit: I received an offer and have chatted to the prof, everything is good now!",Post grad application and butter fingers,0 +199,"I have been down with stress since mid November, and I have started up working again part-time from mid-December. I now have to travel (by plane) for work, which previously triggered my stress, because of all the people, noise and business of the airport and transportation. It took me a week to get over all the stimuli of the last travel day. I now have to travel in late February, and my mind can't stop thinking about it, and I am afraid that I will use another week to get over it again. So how do l deal with a previous trigger? Travelling is part of my job, and I want to overcome the fear",how to deal with previous stressed situations?,0 +200,"Feeling stressed or having trouble focusing? Fidget Pro is here to help! Download now on the App Store and Google Play and start fidgeting your way to a calmer and more productive day. + +[Download Now.](https://fidget-app.onelink.me/qzNH/0g9xnd4h)",Introducing Fidget Pro,0 +201,"I don't have an actual reason to be stressed right now. But, right now I just feel overwhelmed. What are some healthy things I can do to manage the build up of stress?",What do you do when your overwhelmed with stress?,0 +202," I am a MA level clinical mental health counselor and was recently certified as a Yin Yoga Therapy Instructor. Though I cannot offer individualized/catered sessions, I do provide yin yoga classes on YouTube (@wildheartyogahh) as a free resource to help those who may not be able to afford help in other ways. Many people store emotional energy in the body- specifically in the fascia, since 80% of nerve pathways end in the fascia- and yin targets release of fascia and connective tissue through long (3+ min), passive holds. It is a wonderful, gentle practice, for the mind and body! Hope it can help someone. :)",Yin Yoga is a WONDERFUL Way to Regulate the Nervous System and Manage Stress,0 +203,"Fuck school and fuck this school system. I’m in a constant state of stress. I have panic attacks and I cry everyday at school as well as when I get home. I’m taking AS levels and the thought of me writing the exams in a few months keeps me panicked. I’ve withdrawn from my social life due to the stress and I feel miserable. I feel like im being suffocated. It’s all an ongoing loop and I feel stuck . I genuinely cannot imagine myself surviving next year too. Everytime I sit down to study, I have mental breakdowns . I just have 1 more year to graduate",I’m burnt out,0 +204,"anyone out there that suffers from chronic stress, panic disorder and blurry vision?",panic disorder with visual problems,0 +205,I’ve always wondered how someone can have so much on their shoulders yet manage the stress and do their job.,How do high level CEO’s manage stress?,0 +206,"No idea has it done any damage, so I have an appointed test next month but I can't stop thinking that I'm gonna go blind before that",How to stop stress? I have glaucoma in my family and I have a little bit too much pressure in my eyes according to a quick checkup.,0 +207,"i don't know where to start but the thing is I have forgot everything good about my past, I realised this when I went to my school few days ago, where I studied for like 8 long years, I thought I would feel very nostalgic about it obviously because I have spent 8 whole years there with my friends, had a lot of fun, but right when I step into my school, I can't remember a single freaking thing and even if i would I gave almost no reaction at all, I didn't even smiled and that's making me sad. + +Another Situation Like The Above : + +I have got a girlfriend recently its been like 5 months and we meet in person twice or thrice in a month, and I met her yesterday too, when I am with her I pretty much enjoy everything, the feeling of hugging her, kissing her, and just doing stupid things together, but as soon as I drop her home its like all the memories just fade away, right after I drop her home I forget the feeling of huggin her, kissing her. I usually took this for granted all the time but yesterday after dropping her at her home tears started coming out of my eyes because of how much I hated this. I actually don't have anyone to talk about this with neither can I go to a therapist or whatever, can anyone please please please help me a little bit. +I will appreciate it a lot. + +In short its just like when I am doing something I will enjoy it and be present in that particular situation but as soon as I leave I am gonna forget everything about it. + +So if anyone knows what's going on with me please help.",i have pretty much forgot all the good memories and cant make good memories anymore,0 +208,"jus started rouvestatin, anyone out there get dizzineà from side effects?🤔🤔🤔",rouvestatin,0 +209, The Serenity Prayer is one of the prayers that brings peace of mind. It unlocks the optimism oneself and drives the composure while you are focusing on wrong things which you cannot control….[Continue Reading](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2023/01/12/take-back-control-with-the-serenity-prayer/),This might help you,0 +210,,Find serenity in the soothing sounds of nature with our new ambience,0 +211,I have been doing shit with my decisions with money and now i have barely enough to live with. And no job’s have answered to my applications. And i feel that i have fucked up future completely.,Stressed about money,0 +212," Get the inside story – my new ebook about personal stress management, ""The **RESIST™ Method:** **How to Be Stress-Resilient in Just 7 Days. If you want to know more, click this link.** [https://melchopasikatan.samcart.com/products/the-resist-method-how-to-be-stress-resilient-in-just-7-daysdcxz1](https://melchopasikatan.samcart.com/products/the-resist-method-how-to-be-stress-resilient-in-just-7-daysdcxz1)",New eBook: Stress Management,0 +213,"My PC suddenly stopped working, the computer shop guy possibly scammed me, and last night, I was in the middle of a (possibly) gang shooting. I never thought I would see a gunman shooting in public, but there he was, pointing in my direction (possibly at a fleeing car that flew past me). Like, shit man, why is all this stuff happening to me all of the sudden.",2023 sucks so much for me right now.,0 +214,How do you guys fight insomnia?,Insomnia,0 +215,"I dislike the word perfectionist, I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but it’s what I’m called a lot. + +I feel the need to do everything to the highest level. I start working on university essays weeks in advance and don’t submit them until the last minute and I still feel like I could of done better. I rewrite sentences multiple times because they don’t sound quite right. An essay that could take someone 3 hours takes me triple that. + +It’s the same at my job, if a customer interaction doesn’t go as well as I wanted it to it’s in the back of my head for days after. + +My whole life is dictated by this need. I don’t know how to let go of it, I want to be at peace.",Being a perfectionist,0 +216,,i am so stressed out at work. i want to just run away,0 +217,,STUDIES.............!!stressed*_*,0 +218,"You don't have to believe me, you can deconstruct Stress, Depression, Anxiety, all those franchizes in ImmaterialAI - a free tool i built for people to see how many ideas are unprovable yet cause us damage through us believing in them, personally i stopped believing in Stress and recommend it to everyone.",Many don't understand that Stress comes from taking Stress as a real mechanic of reality,0 +219,"I’m a college freshman and just got off break. I was seventeen when I started and I’m only eighteen now. Everyone else at this school is 30+. I don’t fit in and I feel like there’s so much pressure on me to talk like them. Their words are so elegant, I feel like comparing our work next to each other mine looks like shit. I get really bad GI issues when I’m dealing with college. Everything feels out of place. To top it off, I’m doing online work so I have to have extra discipline. There’s just so much to do, I schedule it all out but it’s so fucking much. I at least know I’m stressed out and to breathe when my stomach starts making wild sounds. + +Does anybody have any tips, encouragement, or similar stories? I just need to feel like someone’s got my back.",Starting college again.,0 +220,"It feels kind of awkward to be the only one to receive but if I offer something I'm afraid she'll perceive it as me just trying to be quits, which would be true but doesn't feel right",Neighbor gave me a gift should I give back?,0 +221,"I’m (16) doing my IGCSE exams in a few months, mocks in 2 weeks and I know I’m smart, I know I have the ability to get through it but I get so stressed thinking about it that I just freeze and feel like crying. I grind my teeth and bite my tongue I don’t want to be an utter failure at life. I’m scared of amounting to nothing because I want to do many things, I’ve always had high expectations for myself. I’m tired, I’m scared and I don’t know how to end this cycle and actually do my work. I take to long to sleep and keep waking up, my back always hurts, my neck hurts like crap whenever I see people with good grades because I feel like my grades would be lower and I hate being academically inferior. I feel like I’m going to fail anyway so might as well ignore it and enjoy my time and I know it’s wrong but I am so scared and I don’t know why.",I feel stuck somehow,0 +222,"I’ve been scrolling this subreddit looking for ways to deal with stress. I’m a 22 year old college student. This past year I have completely shut myself out from the world (not literally), but mentally. + +My mother was incarcerated recently. Her and her husband kicked my 18 year-old brother out (still don’t know why). My dad and I have a rocky relationship. With all of that, I’m a full-time student and looking for another job. With that being said, those events have taken a toll on me mentally. I feel so drained and emotionally overwhelmed. It’s started taking a toll on me physically. I don’t eat that often, have stopped exercise, barely leave the house, and quit my job. I don’t even remember the last time I got a good night rest (sleep without tossing and turning every hour). It’s been months. I feel so terrible. You can just look at me and tell i’m not myself. + +What can I do to help manage my stress levels? I’m about to go back to therapy in a few weeks. I don’t know where to start aside from that. Any tips would be extremely helpful.",Looking for different ways to cope with stress?,0 +223,"This will probably be funny to most ppl but, I’m planning on applying to Walmart as a cashier as my first ever job but I’m extremely nervous because I’m really really bad at basic math and have trouble with basic numbers and I always overthink things and keep thinking of scenarios where if I had to give back change or smth I’d be totally stuck and look like an idiot I just thought I’d share that and hopfully people in the comments can help me out ty 😬",First job,0 +224,"So I’ve been stressed out a lot the past two months almost with school and family bullshit, finals and anything else. So when I get stressed I just don’t get hungry I tend to skip meals, or when I’m really busy I just forget to eat. But now I’m starting to see the effects of it on my health, I can’t afford that much food to begin with so I’m used to skipping meals, but now I have to make myself eat more",I skip eating when stressed,0 +225,"Paid for a “massage” so id stop feeling so lonely. It actually helped a bit. We had a moment where we were just relaxing. It was the best part of it. + +Crazy how in a world full of billions of people you can feel so alone. I find that to be ludicrous. Don’t you? + +Something is seriously wrong in the world.",I just-,0 +226,"Last month I had to make a hard decision: Quit my job to save my mental health, or stay there and eventually suffer a burnout that’ll cause me to lash out at everyone for everything. I chose to quit because I just knew I wouldn’t go long without a job. + +New year, new hiring season, but I’m still here…in my room…applying for jobs…almost 50-100 applications sent a week, but because I’m not specialized in anything, I have to wait for handouts. + +When I eat my stomach hurts, but when I dont eat my stomach hurts and I feel close to fainting. I can’t sleep, I’ve been staying up til like 1-2am just…applying. I literally have nothing better to do. No money to spend so I can’t go anywhere. Me and my mom need to go grocery shopping, but both of us are too broke to do so, but we make too much for food stamps and I was denied unemployment. + +I tried to smoke the stress away, but that only caused me to feel like I need it so I don’t lose my mind being a manic freak. + +I try to play my video games, but when you’ve been literally raised by the internet and have probably seen everything of interest, it’s just boring. + +I go running sometimes, but then what the hell else am I supposed to do for the other 12 hours????",I dont know what to do and my stress is showing physically,0 +227,"I hope this would reach someone to make them feel less lonely. +I am studying constantly to finish my bachelors degree by time, and when I say constantly I mean from 12am to 12pm, with 10 mins of break every hour, and with the breaks needed to eat. Then I start to follow my interests by watching videos on yt, and I end sleeping every night at 4/5am (that’s why I start studying that late in the morning). In the meanwhile, my mom’s getting old and dad is emotionally far (they divorced). My mom is almost every day stressed and sad (for reasons that can be acceptable and sometimes unacceptable), and I don’t know how to talk with my dad, because I don’t feel him as a “real” father, due to some things that happened in the past but which I can’t actually forget. +At the same time, my gf is pretty stressed with her life since October 22, and despite the fact that things are still fine, I feel the stress that is infiltrating in our relationship; my best friend are day by day more emotionally far than ever, and I genuinely don’t know what to do. +Any advices?",A little rant,0 +228,"I’m dealing with a really bad gut situation . Im only 29 but over the summer I was on a 2 month long holiday eating crap and that’s when my stomach problems started. I had blood on my stool at the end of two months and instead of treating it as a hemmoroid because of crap food I’ve been thinking I have colon cancer. Cut to the next 6 months of constant stress and anxiety and nausea and gut issues. I’ve never got constipated in my life before so I’m stressed about colon cancer and this is making me feel even more worried. + +I’ve been to the doctor and he told me the blood may be due to some minor rectal irritation but nothing to worry about. He didn’t check me physically though. + +All my blood tests and stomach ultrasound is clear but I can’t get over the thought of having colon cancer as whenever I’m constipated there’s been blood. + +I’m an extreme hypochondriac and im going through one of the most stressful times of my life and im worried I have colon cancer twenty four seven. Im constantly naseous and I have cramps. My stomach hasn’t been the same in 7 months and I never had this problem earlier. + +Current symptoms : stomach cramps, inability to empty stomach, blood on toilet paper, swollen anus( I can feel a swelling in the area), lots of acid reflux, constantly , and constipated + +Current Mental State// Life Problems: My dad’s company shut down over night 5 Years ago- both my parents literally have 0 money and we come from quite a upper class background from back in the day. They have no idea how to move forward in the future, I’ve had back to back 4 traumatic relationships where I feel like I’ve only been dumped because of the troubles my dad is facing and no one wants to be a part of this kind of a family. I’ve had men enter my lives, totally support me and fly away with all my trust broken back to back and all of this has broken me. I also saw my best friend pass away in a freak fire accident 3 years ago. All my friends are married / getting married and I feel constantly alone and sad. I can’t cope +I run my own company and I’m independent enough to live my life currently - but there’s no security for the future and I’m just constantly feeling like I’m racing with time to make ends meet. I feel like no one understands the place I am in physically and mentally and my physical health is making me unable to work mentally - and if I don’t work I won’t be able to sustain myself. + +I used to be a go getter- constantly at the gym and now I struggle to get out of bed. I have no answers on what’s happening to me . + +The last time I saw fresh blood was in JULY and now again In December. It’s fresh and very little but enough to make my mind spiral and think I’m dying/ I can’t switch off my brain and I’m constantly burning - farting and have reflux too! + +Do you think stress / anxiety are making my symptoms worse? I love to drink and I can’t even touch a drink thinking my stomach will spasm and bleed which makes me even more nervous and anxious. I’m at a loss of words and I can’t live a normal life. I want to switch off from the thought that I have a serious disease. + +Someone please help",Dealing with constant stress on top of that have fallen sick and worried I have cancer,0 +229,"hi been suffering with health anxiety again, 1 thing after the other, stress anxiety and panic are sky high, jus took my bp, thats sky high too, head and back of neck ache, freaking out, jus can never relax, scared to death","health anxiety, chronic stress",0 +230,"Mine hasn't been to much better but shell go into depressive states and I try my best to help, I don't know how much longer I can support her especially when I don't feel my best",ny gf had a shitty life,0 +231,"Hello! + +I'm doing an assignment for my school about stress and I need reposnses. This survey is about the stressful situations many face throughout their lives. Although this survey may not be 100% accurate or realistic all I need are responses! And no worries this is 100% anonymous except for your age :D + +Here is the link to the Google form if you guys want to fill out the survey ---> https://forms.gle/Kk3Sw7QhcgwB4JDH6",Wanna Do a Stress quiz?,0 +232,"I've been trying to move out for years but I make jack shit for my job. + +Every. Single. Day. When I get home there's an issue. It is always my older sister 100%. Whether it's getting back together with her ex that she got a restraining order against, victimizing herself over her kids existences because one of them is crying, or just being drunk, she is always throwing fits and making a scene, ruining everyone's day, for no reason. Let alone assault you for no reason. May God forgive your ignorant soul for thinking you can be in the same building as her when she feels like throwing a temper tantrum like a 4 year old. + +I've talked to our mom numerous times about her. She defends her every single time, sometimes I'll tell her she needs to stop enabling her and she just responds by enabling her. + +They're always telling me to pack my shit and go. Believe me, I'd fucking love to. But even though I pay rent you know they're always holding it over my head what a parasite I am and I'd be dead/homeless without them.",I despise living with my family but I can't afford to move out.,0 +233,Really feeling dead inside.,Hollow,0 +234,,Is it normal to break out in hives bc of stress?,0 +235,Quick fixes I've used - really helpful [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCO9qvQ8sUI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCO9qvQ8sUI),This one really helped me out,0 +236,"I live down south in a mountainous/hilly area and i find it stressing even as a passenger at times because of how winding and narrow the roads are. it's as if a normal street was cut in half. there is consistently a large amount of brush around these roads which can obscure my vision. there are also a lot of guard rails around these roads which adds to it. i am being pressured by my family to learn to drive, mainly because 10 years ago my mom got high on prescription pills as she often does and went out at 3 in the morning driving somewhere and critically injured herself, almost paralyzing herself in the process (i was told that my mother is in the .1% of people who have a full complete recovery from the type of spinal damage she incurred in her accident without any loss of mobility). i also take prescription medication, and she has begun threatening to not pick up my prescriptions anymore if i don't do this which has also added to my stress. my family tells me that i can do all sorts of fun activities outside if i have a car (which i have little to no interest in, the only reason i leave my house is for food shopping and doctor's appointments). i obviously do not live somewhere there is easily accessible public transportation, either. for the most part i'm scared of injuring myself or another person if i'm behind the wheel.",How do i get over my stress and anxiety related to having to learn to drive?,0 +237,"I’ve looked this up, and heard of the term “brain zaps” that can be triggered by extreme stress. But all of this info is from sketchier websites so I can’t be sure. Is this a real thing? Or do I have to be worried about some other health issue lmao?? + +It feels like a mini phone vibrating on pulses, deep in my brain in one located spot. (More to the right of my head.) + +I also look at screens a LOT, like 90% of my day, and I know that’s also a huge health issue but I’m not sure if that’s what’s causing this.","Been in an extremely high anxious state the past five days (had multiple sobbing breakdowns as well), suddenly got weird “buzzing” feeling deep in one part of my brain?",0 +238," + +so im 23 and ive pretty much avoided jobs because of pretty bad anxiety. + +I just recently got a decent job pretty much handed to me so I decided to take the opportunity but the anxiety from it is insane. Its not even really job related, its really just me being suuper insecure and shy and worrying about what they'll think of me. + +Im getting heart palps, im sleeping bad, im exhausted, Im getting a bunch of muscle twitches, im super brain fogged... + +I assume this will get better as time goes on and I feel more like acquainted to the people and job but right now its horrible. This wont kill me right?",Super anxious and stressed after starting new job. Will this hurt my body or should I just tough it out for a couple weeks?,0 +239,"These last couple years have been extremely stressful for me and I am now 30 y/o and in 2 years, I went from 1-2 grey hairs in my beard to like 50. It is wild.",Stress is insane and gives you so many grey hairs,0 +240,"UPDATE IN COMMENTS: I’m a college student from out of state. I left home because I didn’t like the environment I was in, and being out of state was one of the best options. I don’t have a car and it’s mostly a public transportation type place so it’s not the biggest issue. I don’t ask people for rides unless I really need them. If we go out, I’ll tell them we can take the bus. On rare occasions if I need it I’ll ask for a ride. I was getting close to someone and only then did I ask them to take me to target twice, once we went, the other we didn’t and the second time I really needed to go for a project. So you kinda get the jist of it. When I need to go to and from the airport I has rely on others, this is one are I need help in because Ubers are so expensive (also I only need it after and before the winter, summer, and one thanksgiving break). I generally don’t care too much about it’s safety because I feel it’s generally safe, but this one time it’s kind of an issue. + +I also would like to mention that I don’t really have friends in school. + +Anyways, I ended up contacting many MANY people. They all basically said no. The flight would come in at around 12 AM and none of them could pick me up. I honestly got angry. My thought process was that I’m literally in a bad situation, I need a ride, and no one can either wake up or cut their plans short? It honestly just made me so frustrated. I get im not your best friend, but a girl taking an Uber at 12AM-1AM isn’t okay for many. I’m not the type to go out a lot so it’s uncomfortable for me. + +I get it’s late at night, but it just made me feel like people are selfish. I hope I never treat others the way I feel when I ask others for a ride. Because it feels terrible, and I’m not saying these people are the exact reason why I feel this way. I’m sure it’s an accumulation, but it just feels so terrible. + +I hate having to beg and pry and ask. I hate asking for a ride so I do try my best to get there myself. I even offer to pay because I don’t want people to do it for free and then me feel like I’m always bothering them. + +I don’t know what to do, I know I’m emotional about this but people who have cars and give others a ride should try and be more empathetic to those who don’t.",To those who give car rides,0 +241," + + + +**The word ‘Yoga’, has got a global presence now. Though it has gained popularity and is seen as a tool to uplift our lifestyle to a healthy one,** **myths are still buzzing around. It needs to be demystified as yoga is a great instrument that aims to develop self-awareness and connects that inner self to external energy…..**[CONTINUE READING](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2023/01/04/5-myths-of-yoga-to-demystify/)",YOGA is not only a physical workout,0 +242,"This is gonna sound real crazy but I don't feel grown cuz I don't drive. Maybe I'd feel better living where others use public transit as much as I do. It does kinda bother me a bit like if I did wanna go out and get dressed up, I'd have to use uber or lyft but I'm taking care of myself and need to stay focused on my right eye so it can get better. I guess I need to stop being so hard on myself cuz I'm really trying my best when I've wanted to give up before but didn't",Being too hard on myself,0 +243,"# There are many different ways to cope with stress and difficult emotions. Some strategies that may be helpful include: + +# 🏴Engaging in relaxation techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation can help reduce stress and improve your mood. + +# 🏴Exercise: Regular physical activity can help reduce stress and improve your mood. + +# 🏴Connect with others: Spending time with loved ones or participating in social activities can help you feel supported and reduce feelings of loneliness. + +# 🏴Seek support: Consider talking to a mental health professional or joining a support group to discuss your feelings and learn coping skills. + +# 🏴Engage in activities you enjoy: Doing things you enjoy, such as hobbies or creative pursuits, can help distract you from stress and provide a sense of accomplishment. + +# 🏴Practice good self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being by getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in stress-reducing activities. + +# 🏴Set boundaries: It's important to set limits and make time for self-care to prevent burnout. + +# Remember, it is normal to feel stressed or overwhelmed at times. It is important to find healthy ways to cope with these emotions and seek support when needed. + +# [ taken from r/on_therapy ]",How is stress and difficult emotions coped with⚡,0 +244,"It’s all getting to me really bad. I’m an author and writing has always been my stress outlet and lately it’s like I can’t write enough to keep the stress off me, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t get comfy and I’m just anxious and feel like shit. Normally I just kinda deal with my stress when I have time but the way it’s making my stomach feel and how week my legs are, it’s making it impossible to help with my kids and I’m really irritable and it’s now effecting my partner. We’re trying to move out of the in-laws on a single income with 2 kids (6 months and 3 years old) while I work a new job that I just started last month which I love but it’s all getting to me really bad. I eat way too much and make myself feel like shit, me feeling like shit makes me anxious which nukes my appetite and then I can’t eat at all and then I feel sick because I can’t eat. I dunno if it’s my diet or what but this is getting really difficult…","Work, kids, wedding, in-laws…",0 +245,"Hi! I just need to tell this to somebody. 2023 is going to be ond of the hardest years. Probably not the hardest, but like really really really hard one. You know, in november and december I was so calm and not nervous but with the strike of midnight… I don’t know. It’s just… I had to organize my moms birthday today (which was succes, I guess), in 2 weeks I have a prom, then I need to have good grades for being able to do the maturity exam (Final exam you end high school with), then writing the exam, speaking part, choosing university, going to university…. Omg, so many important things in one year. Is it just me, or did also anybody else felt incredible pressure of the new year duties right with the strike of midnight?",New years stress :-(,0 +246,"I have been on sick leave for 2 months now. I’m completely paralyzed still. I have no idea what to do with my time since my creativity died. I use to draw, paint, write and play creative games. But all of my creativity died and it feels like I have no hobbies now. + +How do I get my creativity back?",What do y’all do with your time off?,0 +247,"Has anybody had any experience with immediate stress support, I’ve been trying the PYM chews for gaba relief and found them useful and I want to see if anybody has had success with anything similar?",Stress supplements,0 +248,"I can't even look forward to eating dinner with my family. My stress is so crippling that I am bedbound. I haven't spent time with frens in 1,5 years. Even my hobbies ruin me. They say I'm depressed, but I don't agree. This began when I was optimistic, but that is slowly dying due to my zero energy.",I'm unable to do anything,0 +249,For the past three months I have been experiencing random small twitches all over my body is it ALS? Anxiety? I’m a 31 year old African American male. Also could be it be a vitamin deficiency?,For the past three months I have been experiencing random small twitches all over my body is it ALS? Anxiety? I’m a 31 year old African American male. Also could be it be a vitamin deficiency?,0 +250,"So last year, I went to a diner with my gf and I had myself a cappuccino for the first time. I've never tasted anything so delicious and I made it a goal to learn how to go about making one. After Christmas, I got myself an espresso machine. It would be a few months before I used it (lack of space where I live) but I finally got it set up back in November. My first drink, well... I never used a steam wand before. I watched some YouTube videos, my second cup was EXACTLY like what I had at that diner. Now I make about 3 cups a week or so (usually to keep warm more than anything) and it's expanding to where I got a coffee grinder so I'm not restricted by grind. If I want whole beans, I can work with them now. If I'm unsure what grind the bag I have is, pour some in the grinder to make sure. + +Was it expensive? Well, getting everything together was about $260. With all the payment apps out there, it's affordable. You can make tons of stuff too. Lattes, mochas, I'll make hot chocolate with this thing. And I love it. If I have guests, I always offer to make them something. I found zen in the process, satisfaction in these product, and a desire to expand on what I know. It really makes me feel better knowing I can make something that not only I can enjoy, but friends and family can as well. + +My advice? Learn a craft that you enjoy. If you like painting or even coloring, there's plenty of resources. If you like writing, maybe get a voice recorder for story ideas that pop up and expand on that for a bit. If you like food, all kinds of classes out there. But all in all, make something for you first.",Stress Relief in Making Things,0 +251,[https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/musictracks/himalayan-hike](https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/musictracks/himalayan-hike),Stress buster calming flute....Himalyan Hike,0 +252,"So I don't have anything that I really need to do, except for two school projects. One of them is a sewing project, and I know I can get that done fast enough, and the other is a important-ish project assigned by a really nice teacher that will give extensions. I probably should have finished them a few days into the break, but I keep putting it off. I'm always thinking about it, and I just tell myself ""I'll do it later."" Then I do something else and forget about it. But when I do remember it, I don't feel like doing it. I have all this free time and I just waste it. There's only a few more days until it's due but I keep putting it off and I know that I'll have to do it last minute. I'm working on it little by little to try to stress less, but I don't want this to happen again. What can I do to fix this?","Always stressed, even though I don't have a lot do stress about",0 +253,"I am dealing with a lot of problems at the moment. All financial. + +How can I face the problems? And stop avoiding them. I do this because of anxiety and lack of finances to pay the bills. + +But I think I am hurting myself in the end. Any strategies around this paralysis?",Stress paralysis,0 +254,"I am 22, and I started a new job 2 weeks ago, where I work from home, doing mainly administrative tasks. I’ve started hating it - I have a lot of work and since I am new everything takes ages to finish. I am getting so stressed to the point that I think about work all the time instead of enjoying life. I quit my previous job after 5 months because I also found it to be stressful (there I had a lot less work and looking back it was not stressful). Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this stress? Also any ideas on less stressful jobs? I feel like I am stuck in the corporate cycle and not sure how I can get out. I can’t seem to find a job which I would enjoy",I can’t seem to handle the stress from any job,0 +255,"I’m 13 and for the past 5 months , since august, I haven’t been able to sleep properly and my period has completely gone and my hairs falling out a lot and I’m positive it’s because of stress . The problem is idk what actually causing my stress because I have so many problems + +I’ve had blood tests and they just said I have anaemia (low iron). + +I’m always anxious when I can’t sleep because I start ruminating about the consequences of poor sleep and that makes it harder to sleep but idk if that anxiety around sleep is causing my stress + +Even when I do have a good nights sleep I still feel nervous and can’t seem to calm down I’m always stuck in my head and can’t seem to enjoy the present moment because I’m always listening to my negative thoughts + +There have been so many things wich overwhelm me , like my moms 39 weeks pregnant with her 6th kid and my parents don’t have time to give me attention and they don’t believe that I’m struggling mentally. +And I’ve recently had a fall out with a friend and now she’s spreading rumours about me and my sister keeps body shaming me when I’m already struggling with body image and calories + +Everything makes me feel so overwhelmed and I don’t know how to cope anymore I have no adults I can tell this to except my parents who don’t give af and I have no family where I live + +Can someone pls give me advice",How do I learn how to control/ get rid of stress when there are so many things which could be causing it,0 +256,"Not being able to manage my anger, my motivation going up and down, not wanting to do anything, doing random things with parts of my body as a ”tic” why have these all come to me when I am not very (thankully) not depressed?",Why do I have so many symptoms for stress,0 +257,Work stresses me out and today was an easy day but all day I’ve been on edge in case something stupid happens at work. Ugh what a nice welcome back from the long weekend,Today I’ve been on edge all day,0 +258,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +259,"I’m currently on day 12 of getting in ice water for 15 minutes/day. And I have to say it’s the most powerful stress reliever I’ve come across. I meditate minimum 30 minutes a day but nothing compares to cold water. + +I sleep like a baby and for the rest of the day feel calm and in control. + +I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon the benefits seem to far outweigh my being uncomfortable for the time in the water",Cold water immersion for stress relief,0 +260," +Someone I care about a lot wakes up nauseous every morning since he was about 6 years old(he is 21 years old now). Some days are worse, some days are a bit better but he always wakes up nauseous. It is probably because of stress or/and anxiety. I am trying to find people who have or had the same problem and what do you know about it? And did you ever get better?",Years of waking up nauseous,0 +261,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +262," + +Personality is defined as the collection of behavior, attitude, and ways of expressing emotions that makes a person unique. We can identify if a person is with a good personality or not based on the outer expression of inner feelings. If you want to become a better and successful person in life, be it professional or personal, building up on personality is a good place to start. + +How is our personality developed? Our childhood environment and surrounding people i.e outer world influence our personality…[CONTINUE READING](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2022/12/26/8-simple-tactics-to-boost-your-personality/)",8 Simple Tactics to improve your personality,0 +263," +Only meds I've tried is low grade anxiety meds. And I'm unsure what bloods. My doc ran more thursday, said he'd call if anything was different. They tested for that one thing that starts with a T that checks for damage in the heart or recent HA's. +And during the echocardiogram my Hr was 130. She noted it was fast but then 2 weeks later I get a call. Holter didn't show anything super concerning and the echo was fine. I am under tons of anxiety and stress but whatever is going on has had me bed ridden with neck pain, dizziness, headaches and heart discomfort . The fast HR and pounding feeling for literally months essentially with no breaks. My entire life has been Halted because I can't do anything. I take a shower and my heart goes a million miles an hour and my blood pressure goes to the 140's over 90. Brain fog and dizziness. Tinnitus like crazy and this weird whooshing sound and pain from my neck . +It all started with going to the doctor bc I had Thunderclap headaches after orgasm, which lasted everytime for 2 weeks then just stopped. Then I started feeling worse and that stopped but all this started. I've had an echocardiogram, several EKGs from the ER visits, an MRI 3 months ago no contrast, a CT with contrast of my chest and neck last month, a CT with contrast of my head last week. Noone can find anything. Only suggestion my doc had Thursday was potentially ICP and he looked worri3d that's what it was and said if I get a headache go to the er. Which I did 2 days ago to which they didn't do bloodwork but they did a CT and Xray . Tested my eye movement . Then gave me a shot and sent me home. +I obviously need to continue to see my doctor and will. Just 4 months of this I'm trying to reach out for things to recommend to my doctor to test for and try because they're struggling hard. The only things I can even think of personally anymore is craniocervical instability, anxiety, and maybe clogged artery issues. With the ICP he thought, which is phesable I have 95 percent of the symptoms but the numerous head CTs and the MRI showing no pressure(doesn't rule it out) and the fact that it's been 4 months since it all began and I've not stroked out or anything makes it seem not entirely sure for me personally. But I'm not a doc, ill continue to do what they tell me, but man if I can I wanna try to nudge them the right way",Can stress cause things like this?,0 +264,"I have had serious stress issues since December last year. Went on sick leave November tgis year and was slowly getting better. Apparently the holidays are making me a bit worse. On top of that my dog injured his paw and kept licking it. So now I have to deal with that too. + +I have been pretty bombed after celebrating Christmas yesterday. And felt quite devastated by all the things I need to do. + +After struggling to walk my dog tonight, rinse, soak and rinse his paw again, I started feeling a bit weird and faint. My vision is a bit weird too. +I talk, walk and move normally. But I’m a bit worried",I’m a little scared,0 +265,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +266,https://anxietyreliefrings.co.uk,Anxiety Relief,0 +267,im not even sure how being stress free will feel but im trying to get to that point bc stress fucks up ur health. does anyone have any tips?,how to feel stress free?,0 +268,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +269,"This year me and my family and I have been kicked out of our home, we're living with my stepmoms mom. My father has a stable job, and so do I, but they don't pay well. My stepmom, after 6 years, has had 2 jobs. One ended after 2 weeks last month, and she just started one recently. We have to find another place to live by the end of next month and we are no where near close to that. My hair is falling out (200-500 strands a day, I've started minoxidil) and I'm constantly fluctuating in weight gain and loss. I can't stop vaping because my body needs the nicotine but at the same time it's potentially making my hair loss worse. A while back I tried to talk to them about the stress but they dismissed it as something but not stress. I'm not sure if what is happening to me is stress, or something entirely different so here I am + +TL/DR am I stressed because family got kicked out and we have barely a chance at getting someplace new?",Am I stressed?,0 +270,"I struggle with anxiety at work, and often find myself biting my nails or repeatedly clicking my pen as an outlet for my stress. At home, I use spinners and other various toys to keep my hands busy, but I feel silly bringing them into work, as a fidget spinner just doesn't seem fitting for the office environment. Are there any stress relief fidget toys/tools that you all use at work? Ideally something subtle and quiet! + +&#x200B; + +Thanks!",Fidget Toys to Relieve Stress at Work,0 +271,Is it fucked up to say that I liked kids way more before I got one? I cant handle or match their energy nor needs. It’s so much.,Children Stress Me Out,0 +272,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +273,"So I'm in a band, and as of right now we haven't made anything yet, but recently I've been really up for it about making music. As a result, I've been thinking, when I'm hanging about by myself, about what our music could sound like, and I'm pretty sure that's why I've got a headache right now. Like, a couple of hours ago I tried taking my mind off it by (for some reason) listening to one of my favourite albums and I couldn't even enjoy it because I was constantly thinking about what parts of it we should and shouldn't sound like. + +I can't see this allowing me to write anything at all ever, so in short, what should I do? also happy christmas :)",How should I stop obsessing over songwriting?,0 +274,"I have my first stress test in a few hours and I'm getting pretty nervous. I have a chronic migraine condition that gets triggered by exercise of any kind. My BP is 130/90 avg, down from 16/110 (thanks Losartan!) and my heart rate is averaging 120bpm, but it's also down from 140bpm. + +Should I bring someone with me? How strenuous does it get? I'll be in a hospital in case anything goes wrong, but the drive home is 20 minutes. + +Thanks 🙏",Stressed about my Stress Test!,0 +275,"I am feeling stress, I don't able my work because of stress. If you have solution then please suggest me. What should I do to reduces my stress?",Can I Reduce My Stress By Changing My Diet,0 +276,"Hey everyone! + +We have developed a virtual fidget toys app, designed to maximize the benefits of fidgeting (like [stress and anxiety relief](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/14/well/move/why-fidgeting-is-good-medicine.html)) + +It is available in the App Store and Google Play for free, and we would really appreciate your feedback on it! + +App Store: [https://apps.apple.com/app/fidget-pro/id6443776869](https://apps.apple.com/app/fidget-pro/id6443776869) + +Google Play: [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.my.fidget](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.my.fidget) + +Thank you and have a great day :)",Stress Relief Fidgeting App,0 +277,We all obviously understand that stress isn't healthy. But each of us experiences stress differently. What's the worst part about being stressed for you?,What's the worst part about being stressed constantly?,0 +278,"Im writing here to vent out my worries. +Sorry for writing something irrelevant. Hoping writing here might help lessen my worries. THANK YOU IF YOU STILL READ MY POST + +Hello I'm a first year post graduation student in department of orthodontics. +I love studying and doing clinical works.. Academically quite good when I was in undergrad. +But after joining post graduation program.. its stressing me out so much.. +First thing the professor.. they are not very helpful.(don't act as guide which they are supposed to be) second my seniors.. they always try to transfer their personal work onto juniors(me). +Third the expenses..( my dept wants to party all the time.. for which juniors (me) have to pay).. +I didn't sign up for all this shit.. +I joined to learn things.. +Man there are so many things which are stressing me out.. leading to Loss of concentrations and procrastination. I'm anxious all the time..worrying so much..",why college life is so stressful??,0 +279,"I make fucking $15 an hour. I live with my mom, her boyfriend, my older sister, her boyfriend, and their 3 kids. By the way, I'm a hospital janitor. I wipe up blood, piss, shit, other various body fluids for a living. Everyone at work has said give us a raise. They refuse every time. + +Guess who the only source of income is. + +What they don't understand is, on top of me paying rent and providing, I have my own shit to pay for, and being broke pretty much just means I'm gonna have to go in debt, god willing my upcoming paycheck is enough put me back in the positive... hell, I messed up my wrist like 5 months ago and got it looked at, all they said was ""yeah it'll be fine in time"" and I AM STILL GETTING BILLS FROM THEM. + +My family is always telling me to save up my money and get the fuck out. I couldn't agree more, I despise living with these people more than words can describe. But, if that was an option, I would have done it by now.",Why is life so expensive,0 +280,"Do you get angry when your child is not listening to you? Do you feel angry when your boss scolds you? Do you feel hurt when your team members are not achieving the target irrespective of your training? Anger is common. Well-managed anger can used be a constructive emotional tool that motivates you to make positive changes. It aids to keep a distance from toxic people and situations and creates a positive fire within us. + +If not dealt with it in a positive way or if we allow ourselves to prolong, it will lead to destructive results that take a toll on your he…..[Continue Reading](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2022/12/19/7-quotes-that-will-destroy-angar/)",WHY GET ANGARY?,0 +281,What's have you found to be the best ways for you to relax?,Deep Relaxation dissolves stress.,0 +282,"I have this contant pressure like feeling in my brain. It's not exactly a headache but I always feel like my brain is not quite relaxed physically.It's like a weight over my head. I have tried meditation but ....it didn't really give me the desired output. I feel relieved only after my academic session is over or let's say I got really good grades/marks in my exams.i feel like the weight on my head got lifted. But it's not for long just a few days. When I start with my studies again I go into this state of mind where my head is constantly feeling heavy. It's being bothersome now as it effects my academics overall +How do I get out of this loop of heaviness and lightness in head? +Is this common? +Is it serious? +Any tips or advice or experience?",Always feeling a pressure inside head,0 +283,"M16 I have been feeling like stressed and anxious lately for not really a any huge reason probably cus I have started looking after stuff that is wrong with me like my looks, personality hair and anything at al after my recent breakup how do I fix this? I have started going to the gym like six times per weeks and that helps me get my mind of thighs while I’m there and after when I get home or in school I feel incredibly stressed and anxious.",How to cope with stress when you barely know what causes it,0 +284,does anyone have low back pain on the left side that extends to the lower lower abdomen on the left,low back quastion,0 +285,I’m stressed about my living situation. It’s hard. Being in a new city is harder. I’m not a self motivator.,Living here,0 +286,"I'm talking more in a chronic sense. I've had anxiety for about 12 years now. Past 8 months have been the worst in my life, second only to being abused as a kid. + +I started having panic attacks that woke me up in the night (for no reason, like this was before the hell time) and then got diagnosed with GERD within the same month. Developed hypochondria. Had to move to a massive uni to get the degree I wanted, but I was sick and exhausted and working and struggled to make friends. So im alone all the time. And there's always something that's wrong. I had low grade good poisoning for weeks because I didn't notice a fridge issue. I got an ear infection. I still have pretty persistent vertigo, though it was getting better until I got a cold during my finals, of all times. + +And that's not factoring in the handful of deeply personal shit thats happened that I'm not going to blast all over the internet. + +I'm seeing a therapist. I'm not on medication because it scares me, and my psychiatrist agreed that it wasn't for the best, at least right now. + +I've developed fun little heart palpitations. They're terrifying. + +I'm wondering if im under such a high level of stress all the time that it's begun to just feel normal. Like I dont know what to do to ""calm down and relieve stress"" because to me, a good day is a day where I avoid a breakdown. + +I'd ask my therapist but im on holiday and can't see her until January. I'll probably ask her anyways but still.",Do you think you can be stressed/anxious and not notice?,0 +287," Do you get anxious in social situations? You may be eligible to participate in a study conducted by the Anxiety, Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. + +Eligible participants with Social Anxiety Disorder will be randomized to a 3-week intervention of cannabidiol (CBD) or placebo. Participation in this study requires 6 study visits over a month-long period, including several blood tests and an fMRI neuroimaging scan. Eligible participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-45, and are interested in this study, please complete the prescreen survey here: [https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN).",NYU Langone Social Anxiety Research Study,0 +288,https://youtu.be/xbT9fyTc4Io,I found the solution to your stress at last!,0 +289,"Is it so bad that I just wanna be a SAHM. My parents are constantly asking me when I will get an accountant certification or degree, especially since I am 20. My aunts and uncles constantly ask me when I will start working because they say that one person working will be difficult if we try to save up money. Sometimes I feel like my peers look down on me for having a kid at a young age. I’m constantly being told that I have to get some of education, which I am but it’s not something that you can earn quickly. I am already struggling with my grades. Is it so bad that I am chilling at home for a bit and continuing my education at a slower pace. My childhood wasn’t the best and when I left home I had felt a weight come off of me. (I was a second mom for my five siblings) +My kid does not stress me like the outside world does.",Constant stress about having a career,0 +290,"Anybody else get horrible stomach/chest pain for days on end when immense stress is in your life? + +It's finals, and last year I had the same exact issue during finals. Stomach pain. I can only assume that it's bad heartburn ... I feel bloated like a dead animal in the blazing heat. Feels like a big sharp iron bit of metal is in there twisting and pulling at my organs + +It's impossible to move or eat and last time I went to the Dr about it they put me on an anti acid and sent me home + +I hope it's just stress, does anybody else get this???",Stomach pain,0 +291,"Rant. + +Everyone talks to me about their problems bc I'm ""a good listener."" But I feel so alone with my own problems. + +Then I get angry and frustrated with myself for feeling alone because there are people in my life. I don't lean on them because I'm afraid they can't handle it or that leaning on them will inevitably make my life harder. + +I live with my fiance, but he's had health struggles this year, as well as difficulties at work, so he has leaned on me daily, breaking down and panicking before work, calling me for 30-90 minutes a few times a week while I'm at work, breaking down when he gets home from work...after about 20 minutes each time I get overwhelmed and frustrated, but I signal anger. Then he says he feels like he has no support, so I feel like my efforts are wasted. + +I have my own problems. But I shove them down and go to work, clean the house, make dinner, basically do the things that need to be done every day. I shoulder the mental load in our household. + +My blood pressure has spiked the past few months. I've had a rash on my face for 2 months. I see doctors weekly for migraines and chronic back pain. My parents don't call me, my 2 closest friends both underwent cancer treatments this year, and my fiance is overwhelmed. I work from home, so my fiance is the only person I see each day. + +I feel so alone with my own problems. + +Rant over. Back to work.",I feel so alone with my problems.,0 +292,"i’m just looking for some words of kindness or experience here + +so i’m in grade 12 but i’m also doing a dual credit program so i have a lot on my plate. it’s also sick season so i’ve been off and on sick, i’ve had chem tests or la essays or assignments everyday and my dual credit exam is tomorrow. it’s a huge test and worth maybe 200 points so i’m terrified because i’ve never done such a large test in my life. i haven’t been able to write review notes (the exam is open book) because i’ve had to prioritize everything else. i plan on waking up at 4:00am tomorrow morning and i’ve already done 4 or so hours of studying. i’m super scared and feel over the top stressed.",exam stress,0 +293,"I recently had an interview with an job and it went well. however, my grandma just recently got released from the hospital and I been told I should be a care worker for her since she relay on me the most. I can't really do two at once and I'm already busy most of the time. Idk if I really wanna do the job. + +What should I do?",I need help deciding,0 +294,"Hey reddit, I’m working on a project and am curious everyone’s thoughts. What's the hardest about **staying positive** when nothing seems to be going your way?",What's the hardest part about staying positive?,0 +295,"Hello all; I'm a university student in my fourth year. Every time finals season rolls around, I find myself getting terrible canker sores (probably as a result of the stress, but it doesn't help that I need to drink energy drinks by the gallon in order to get the right amount of studying in). They're distracting and bothersome. Any tips on how to alleviate this?",Canker sores around finals season,0 +296,"PCOS is described by one study as low-level chronic inflammation. Adding anti-inflammatory foods to your diet can help ease your symptoms. Consider the Mediterranean diet as an option. Olive oil, tomatoes, leafy greens, fatty fish like mackerel and tuna, and tree nuts all fight inflammation. fruits good for pcos will help to cure. + +[https://getsolvve.com/products/pcos-pcod](https://getsolvve.com/products/pcos-pcod)",How to fight PCOS with diet and nutrition?,0 +297,"Here are some ways to treat anxiety and depression! + +[https://movexstill.com/blog/what-are-the-symptoms-of-anxiety-and-depression](https://movexstill.com/blog/what-are-the-symptoms-of-anxiety-and-depression)",Do you ever feel like anxiety and depression are a never-ending battle that you can't seem to win?,0 +298,All my family keeps telling me oh it’s acid reflux it’s your anxiety but even when I don’t have my anxiety it happens.,Is it normal to feel a gurgling in your chest specifically the left side.,0 +299," + +Fear is a normal emotion that every human experiences when faced with physical or emotional threats. When a child rides a bicycle for the first time or when a fresher attends an interview or people go on a roller coaster, we are facing the fear of uncertainty. But when these emotions become intense or prolonged disturbing our thoughts and actions, it becomes anxiety. Then we need to take steps to overcome it. [Continue Reading](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2022/12/13/5-ways-to-overcome-fear-of-change/)",Lets lose the fears,0 +300,"“Optimizing Exercise for the Treatment of Anxiety” + +The purpose of this study is to learn about the effects of different exercise regimens on anxiety and exercise engagement and adherence. If you are eligible for this study, you will complete a 2-month exercise intervention and 2 follow-up assessments (total duration 5-6 months). The exercise intervention will either include low intensity exercise only or a titration program in which you will start at low intensity exercise and work your way up to high intensity exercise. We also provide treatment referrals. + +**Key Eligibility Criteria:** + +* Adults ages 18 – 65 who have generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and/or panic disorder +* Currently sedentary + +\* Your information will remain private. + +\* You will receive compensation for your time. + +To learn more about the study and to see if it is something you would be interested in and a good fit for, please fill out the following survey: + +[https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=JN9WD4FTYN](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=JN9WD4FTYN)","Currently Enrolling Research Studies for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and/or Panic Disorder",0 +301,"Hi, I'm diagnosed with massive chronic distress. I perceive it to be the primary cause of my problems. For example, chronic distress leads to an inability to concentrate, which leads to poor work performance, which leads to anxiety, etc. + +&#x200B; + +Unable to address this without medication, I wanted to ask if there is a psychomedical treatment that targets this problem.",Massive chronic distres - psychomedical treatment,0 +302,"I’m 17 years old and lately I feel stressed about my future/career and I don’t know which path should i choose. I’m in 11th grade and I have one more year to choose what should I do to not confuse myself in the future and to go to the college that I want, because if I don’t choose at the right time, I will not know in what college should I go. All of my friends have some idea what they will do with their future and I just sit there and only think about my future. And I don’t know if I’m going to be happy in the future with the choice I will make.",Why am I so stressed about my future?,0 +303," + +**Do you worry a lot?** + +You may be eligible to participate in a study conducted by the Anxiety, + +Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. + +Eligible participants with Generalized Anxiety Disorder will be + +randomized to an 8-week group intervention of Mindfulness-Based + +Stress Reduction (MBSR) or stress education classes. Participation in + +this study requires 10 study visits over 13-14 weeks plus one 3-month + +follow up assessment as well as 8 or 9 MBSR or stress education + +classes. + +Participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-50, and are + +interested in this study, please fill out the following form: + +[https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=8JTAHRDHYM](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=8JTAHRDHYM)",Subjects needed for a study on treatment of Anxiety,0 +304,,Does anyone ever get so stressed to the point it causes a feeling of a sword going right through your head or stomach and back pain I’m only just turning 19 I don’t think this is normal,0 +305,"39M (Sweden), 177 cm, 90 kg + +Hey! Ok, I ask you to read below and try to put yourself in my situation. + +2021-04-13: +Long story short. Had been suffering from a long-lasting cough (5-6 weeks) and sought care. The doctor heard something on the left lung and sent me for an urgent x-ray the same day. I was terrified and thought I had lung cancer. I was nervous and scared to death until I got my test results back. It showed nothing but I recovered a few days later. + +2021-09-14: +My wife found a liver spot/mole on my back that looked weird. This after I had complained of itching in that place 1-2 months earlier. Thought it was skin cancer and was nervous and scared to death for several weeks before I received an answer that there was no danger. The mole didn't look ""bad"" so they didn't do anything about it. + +2021-10-07: +My wife finds a lump on the right shoulder blade, size approx. 1x1 cm. It can be moved but feels strange somehow. Immediately becomes completely convinced that this is also a cancerous tumor. Either the skin cancer has spread or it is a sarcoma (soft tissue cancer that can feel exactly like a fatty lump). Once again, I became very nervous, stressed and scared to death. I sought care and was able to see a reputable doctor who informed me that it was a lipoma. When he was about to take it away, he says he can't find it. I imagined he saw it and it wasn't a lipoma. He said something to the other doctor and I didn't really understand where. He you catch me again and the lump is still there. Instead, he sends me for an urgent MR X-ray and here I am completely destroyed. I take him as if he has seen something that makes him not dare to cut me. I lie at home and shake for several days and have such fear of death that it is completely sick. I end up trying to go into that X-ray tunnel but it doesn't work. Tries 3-4 times but I just lie there and cry because I'm afraid of what the x-ray will show. Here I am completely convinced that it is cancer of some kind. I had to cancel everything and today the lump is still there. The doctor called me 3 weeks later and said he was 100% sure it was a lipoma and that it can stay on my body without doing any harm. So, I still have it and I'm alive. + +During this course of ""diseases"" I get hemorrhoids and start having stomach problems. I still have huge problems with my stomach (heartburn, acid regurgitation, irregular stools, stomach pain, stomach cramps, etc.). + +I'm simply wondering if this could be the result of some kind of stress, nervousness, panic disorder, death anxiety over an extended period of time? + +Note: I have never before had ""problems"" with my stomach (that I know of) but after the above events it is in total revolt. + +Please write a line or two what you think. + +Sorry for a long post, but it's important and nice for me to write a little. + +Thanks!",Stressed or what?,0 +306,[https://movexstill.com/healing-podcast](https://movexstill.com/healing-podcast),Move and Still Healing Podcasts To Listen To For Self-Care,0 +307,"I still feel suicidal. The feeling is/was supposed to go away! + +I don’t know why I feel this way but i just feel dead inside! For most of the day, all i can think about is killing myself. I feel physically and mentally TIRED. + +It feels like I’m SUPPOSED to die soon. Thats the only way i can describe it.",I cant stop feeling this way,0 +308,"I have pretty nice teachers except for one. She's really strict and gives way more work than the rest. This wouldn't be a problem, except she teaches three of my main classes. I have a upcoming group project due this Monday, and so far, I'm not even halfways done. I'm always stressed about her classes, and I can't enjoy anything because my stomach always hurts from the stress. Is there anything I can do to make my situation better?",Stressed about schoolwork,0 +309,[https://movexstill.com/blog/how-to-manage-stress-at-work](https://movexstill.com/blog/how-to-manage-stress-at-work),A simple guide on how to manage stress at work,0 +310,"nobody is gonna respond to this anyway so .. lol whatever. + +i’m 27 and have 12 siblings, im in school and i live with 10 people right now. i’m disrespected, not listened to, taken advantage of. i do my laundry on my laundry days and my siblings go into my personal affairs, im missing clothing and people constantly go into my room… i’ve been done for a minute and ive checked out mentally because of it. i am grateful i have a job. but i dislike it… i work at cvs part time and its hell, true definition! i have to do everything because they won’t hire more people. not to mention the awful customers. i try to stay positive, God knows i do but i want to be on my own so bad. I can’t! everything is expensive 1200+ !!! and im still in school, i can’t move too far because of the commute. but at home it’s always bickering, yelling, poop in the toilets bc people won’t flush, dirty house.. im so sad about this and it’s causing me to turn into a depressive episode. idk what to do. i love myself enough to not harm myself but i hate the feeling of being stuck and stressed and disrespected! i know the past doesn’t exist but i wish i could’ve went to school earlier and rebelled against my father and went to culinary school anyway!!!! my room is a cluttered mess because i cannot put my things upstairs because my siblings get into it so my pots and pans and even food is my room like IM OVER IT!!! + + +edit: yk what… i came here looking for help or another insight but y’all are just rude so never mind.",done.,0 +311,"So i’m a last year high school student, and have a history of mental health issues however i have almost fully learnt to adapt and work with it, so it’s not a huge problem anymore. I work really hard in school so i’m always a certain leaves of stressed with that. But on top of it me and my best friend are in a complicated stand still with each other. This leading me to feel ill with anxiety today and so I didn’t eat much because i’m not hungry. However now i’m craving lots of sugar and I don’t know what to do.",Stress Cravings But not hungry,0 +312,I'm trying to learn blender and unity and Lua and it's really stressful when you can't figure something out. Any suggestion how to overcome it?,Trying to learn new stuff and learning is really stressful,0 +313,"I’ve been applying to multiple universities and I’m always thinking about whether I’m going to get accepted or not. My parents want me to get accepted to a specific university. I still have lots of school and university work and it’s all piling up. Even though the deadline for university applications are in mid January, I’m still stressed and keep thinking I passed the deadline",University Stress,0 +314,[https://medium.com/@iakelley/knowing-too-much-1367e555fd16](https://medium.com/@iakelley/knowing-too-much-1367e555fd16),This is an Interesting Article on how Apple Watches can Cause Stress - Worth the Read,0 +315,"I have to write an essay, on top of studying for a finals, and I feel like so overwhelmed with stress I can't focus. + +I came to campus to work, and I wasted the first couple hours. Tried to sit down to work, got like a few things written down and wasted more time. And then I started getting a headache. So figured maybe I was hungry because I have been drinking water(and I'm on Concerta which suppresses appetite) so I went and ate and now I feel sick to my stomach and I have a headache. Fun times. + +I don't really know what to do because I tried all my techniques for working and I need this done ASAP but I'm making no progress.",Stress making doing anything difficult,0 +316,Here's how to manage stress at work! [https://movexstill.com/blog/how-to-manage-stress-at-work](https://movexstill.com/blog/how-to-manage-stress-at-work),Feeling overwhelmed with work and life?,0 +317,"Just got my heavy assessment back today, got an F on it. I studied real hard for math, but I still failed. I really feel like I’m a moron, and I just checked my grade, it went from B to D+. Sometimes I wonder if my dream about the future is realistic or not. I feel like I have no motivation to be productive again. I really don’t want to fail my parents and my dreams, but my grades just stress me out so much. I need a good grade for this semester or idk where I will end up in in the future. Any advice on how I should get myself together again?",Math grade,0 +318,"I took so much stress + +That + +I wanted to pull an all nighter + +I decided to just lie down before getting to work but I know I would sleep so + +Now I kept an alarm and kept at 1am and kept it snoozing. I snoozed it till 4am + +Now that snooze was enough for me to realize I need sleep so I now decided to sleep + +When I decided to sleep my head started aching like really bad headache forced me to wake up + +And now I'm wide awake wanting to sleep + +Help. I take so much stress + +I end up doing no work + +I procrastinate and end of the day have put my self in this rabbithole of tiredness",I'm not able to sleep,0 +319,"Your Words Matter. Yes! We have often heard people saying that negative words can negatively affect one-self and surroundings in the long run. While we try to exercise and use encouraging words, there may be situations, where a simple NO can have a powerful impact on self-development......[continue reading](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2022/12/05/how-to-say-no/)","It's better, Just say NO!",0 +320,"I am aware of the common things like exercise, meditation, breathing exercises. These don’t seem to help me enough and I’m curious if there was something someone tried and maybe were surprised it helped their stress. Thanks so much in advance.",Looking for techniques to help with stress,0 +321,"Recently i have been getting nauseous/ headaches mostly like around my neck and +I really hope its just. Stress +I feel so gross right now i hate it +Please someone answer im begging",is nighttime nausea from stress??,0 +322,"For context I’m a 21F in college with hopes of going to nursing school. Since I was young I’ve always been driven by my academics because if I wasn’t the prettiest in school, I definitely wanted to be the smartest. Essentially, i had one bad semester two years ago almost while being in college (parents were edging a divorce) and ive been paying the price since. It was the lowest my gpa had ever been and because of it i couldnt apply to nursing school when I wanted to- and it absolutely crushed me. So, i drove myself even more into my academics so much so to where i have panic attacks when it comes to my grades. In simple, today was a bad day mentally. On top of school, I work two jobs as a CNA and pharmacy technician. In the mornings, I’m at the senior living facility, in the afternoons I’m in class and in the evenings im at the pharmacy. I feel like my body is addicted to stress and its finally crashing and i feel awful even considering submitting this one assignment late and risking a point deduction. Ive emailed my professor about it all and he hasnt gotten back to me but i cant pull myself to do this assignment. I feel lazy and i dont know what to do.",How do i stop constantly looking for academic validation?,0 +323,So I'm 33 and I'll be 34 in March. Right now I'm working at McDonald's but I'm having issues with scheduling so I'm looking for another job. I do have an AAS but I never used it so I'm tryna get back into school or into a certification program but I don't wanna end up in debt. I keep wondering where I'll end up cuz I do wanna move but I don't drive so I'm tryna get an ebike but I still wanna move out of this city (I'm in Ohio) I just keep wondering if I can get ahead in life. I know I'm taking the right steps by working and thinking of school but it's still stressful cuz I'm tryna think ahead but maybe I'm thinking too much about it 😔 anybody else feel like this?,Trying to improve my life,0 +324,"Stress caused accelerated aging in my body, my mind is completely broken, always have headaches. It's all my fault over nothing, could have stopped it or taken medication or something.",Feel like I messed up everything,0 +325,"Ok, so this post is real and I'm not making up everything. I've kept it in my mind all day long and I've gotten desperate enough to reach out for help (on the Internet, at least). + + + +On Friday, I went through a highly stressful event, and endured lots of stress, build up of hormones etc. This acute stress I went through, benefited me! The next day I felt energetic, happy, and overall in good shape. Heck, even my short term memory improved! I started remembering things much more clearly and openly. I learnt a lot that day, and was really surprised by my performance. + + + +The next day, another stressful event occurred.. an acute one aswell. This was *not* pleasant, at all. Endured lots of stress, build up of hormones.. etc :/ why does this happen to me? + + +Unfortunately, as you'd expect..my situation went downhill *fast*. I started forgetting things, winded up in a depressed mood..found 0 interest in things I enjoyed.. etc..my memory also became worse. :( + + +(I also experienced a horrible nightmare today too, and slept 12 hours, which is COMPLETELY abnormal). + + +So now that I've hid this up in my mind for 1 day, I'd like to speak out. I need answers. What is happening here? What happened to me and my brain? Will I ever recover/be happy and will my memory improve like that last time? Please help. I'm leaving this all on you Reddit...",A weird transition,0 +326,"I’ve been struggling recently with stress and anxiety about life in general. I’m having constant headaches and migraines, I’m not sleeping well, I’m overeating… + +I’m 21 years old and I’m already feeling burnt out and ready to give up. I work a full time job and go to school part time. I just moved out of my parents house 2 months ago and got an apartment with my boyfriend. I get stuck doing majority of the housework like laundry, dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping. My dad works all day long and my mom doesn’t drive so Im constantly driving my mom and my younger siblings every where. + +I work 6:30am-3pm and I usually don’t even get to sit and relax until 7pm, then Im going to bed by 8pm but i’m not falling asleep until midnight and Im up on and off all throughout the night. + +Im barely making enough money to pay my bills, and Im also the family bank to my mom and dad. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind helping them out but they’re constantly asking to borrow money and 9 times out of 10 I don’t get it back. + +I’m just so tired and sick of everyone laying their shit on me but then not being able to ask anyone for help.",Overwhelmed and Exhausted,0 +327,"2 months ago I had a terrible fall resulting in a broken shoulder that hopefully will make a full recovery. Nerve is bruised so it’s a fairly useless arm at the moment. + +Life has been strange being off work and at home. I can’t drive for now. Family has been visiting and helping drive me around for errands and appointments. most friends are settling down with a family, have moved, or are career focused etc. so I haven’t seen anyone except a best friend. Everything else has been distant communication like the odd text here and there (when it’s external of family and the best friend, that is). + +It’s miraculous I didn’t hit my head. In fact it kind of puzzles me, but I was blacked out drunk (working on recovery now). + +It dawned on me that maybe my existence for the past 2 months has been in a coma. That I’m in a hospital bed on life support; surrounded by family; experiences with family are my mind manifesting their conversations they have around me. + +Everything is just a manifestation of my mind but I’m actually in a coma. + +I’m weirded out and there are several triggers that cause me to second guess myself. + +Edit: some of the triggers I mean include that groceries is symbolism for nutrients/IV time, my parents visiting in life are just visiting me in a hospital, friends who I no longer speak with recently have actually said their good byes; an ex lover I always thought about getting back together with finally blocked me out after 4 years - I got disconnected. + +Right now my friends and family are gone, family is on a trip at the moment. That may be symbolism that they too, have left. For now or ever I’m unsure. + +I recently started talking a lot more with one of my brothers - but were talking about old video games and nostalgia. Everything I know about him in the present has sort of been static. + +That’s one way to say it. Things appear to progress but it turns out to be static; no change happened that was perceived to be",Wondering if I’m living in a coma,0 +328,"My mom throw out my things and I have a lot to do next week in school. I have a lot to submit and homeworks. I need to do a research paper, movie review, physics assignment, performance task, thesis defense and she just throws out my things. Threatens me to leave the house. Don't stay in the house. Don't eat. Basically don't live as well. Or just go to my friends house. I don't have those.",I don't know what to do anymore,0 +329,"Okay well. Every time I get a job a get sick. My immune system hates stress and work stresses me out. No matter how easy it is. I hate having my life controlled by capitalism yata yata yata. My thing is I need to SLEEP. I’m going to buy weed, ashwaganda, and magnesium, and cherry juice to fcking sort this out. I also can’t get a good sleep cus I live with my mom. Jesus Christ we hate each other and it’s actually awful breathing the same air as her. I want to move into my grandmas house but my cousins aren’t as welcoming. I just bruh and I’m still enrolled in college even though I haven’t gone in months. I genuinely hate life and I just don’t know bro I can’t live any more with this torture",FCK CAN I GET A FCKINF BREAK HOLY SHT,0 +330,"Starting to stress out cuz I can't decide what career is best for me. I made another post before this but idk, I kinda feel like I'm wasting my time trying to get ahead 😢",Stressed about careers,0 +331,https://youtu.be/_hpDMqg0Rh8,Regulate your nervous system,0 +332,"It takes more to overwhelm some people than others, but the feeling and the impact are the same: overload and not knowing which way to turn next which triggers a downward spiral of anxiety. + +### Take these steps to create a plan and go from feeling overwhelmed to feeling peaceful again: + +**Identify what you can and can’t control.** List your issues in three columns: what you can control, what you can influence and what is out-with your control. + +**Focus on solutions.** Now that you have perspective on what you can and can’t control, identify your chosen end point for each issue. Shift your focus from the problems to the solutions. + +**Prioritise your actions.** Consider your chosen solutions in terms of how important they are and how urgent they are. Firstly, deal with the issues that are both important and urgent then move to the other important issues. As a general rule, deal with the important issues over the urgent issues: here-in lies the path to living sustainably crisis free. + +**Communicate.** With your plan in place, communicate with those who may be affected: it’s incredible how supportive people can be once they understand your situation. + +**Eat well.** Overwhelm commonly leads to skipping meals or over-reliance on junk food. Buy in some healthy foods and snacks to give you the nutrition you’ll need to play your best game. + +**Gratitude.** It is easy to lose sight of the good things happening when we feel overwhelmed. Adopt the habit of regularly reflecting on the things you’re grateful for: that you’re taking control of challenging situations, that you’re on your way to calmer times, that you’re learning a lot about yourself, perhaps that others are supporting you. + +**Blow off some steam.** Exercise – whatever works best for you: a brisk walk, hit the weights, an hour on the bike – has a magical ability to burn off that anxiety and re-set all those neurotransmitters. It will also help you get that good night’s sleep. + +**Get your rest.** Know that you’re focusing on your priorities with a clear plan. You’re pushing yourself hard through the day. A good night’s sleep is the smartest thing you can give yourself to keep working through your list. + +**Celebrate your successes.** Each step forward is worthy of celebration. Be proud of yourself for taking control and moving forward. Each success leads to further steps forward. + + +**Overwhelm is a situation everyone is familiar with. Short term episodes are unlikely to harm us. Longer term however, it can be debilitating. Remember there is help out there for those times you need support in getting back on top of things.**",Feeling Overwhelmed?,0 +333,"i wonder how a person reacts at suddenly wake up by get mad and angry for unreasonable things from a person. things that not making sense to be mad about. a narcissistic person that not going to tolerate with whatever you say and do. + +i wonder how normal human reacts. you just take a little nap. and suddenly your peaceful moments ruined by the person.. like a drunk person..",wakeup by someone who suddenly mad.,0 +334,"Wasnt surrounded by very nice people nice places or nice things. For the most part growing up I feel like I had some pretty thick skin... then as time went by and life took its toll on me, the stress anxiety and depression happened to wear me down. + +I don't feel like I have a hard shell like I used to. Almost everything people tell me I feel like rubs off the wrong way; whether they mean it or not. I can take a joke but when it comes to general comments or statements I possibly overthink and get upset over it. At the time I wanna give a smart remark but hold myself back often.. Can there be an underlying issue? Possibly the result of trauma",I feel like I'm becoming too sensitive.. or that I'm offended by everything.,0 +335,"When I get stressed from losing stuff, things not going my way which should(like my stuff, someone moving it, not life, that shi hard) and stuff that just freaks me out. I had a game that I played for a while called One Piece Bounty rush, I know a stupid anime game. For me I was in love with it. I had hours in it and spent a decent amount of money. As you know get bored delete and redownload. Before anyone says I did the transfer code thing, where I get my ID and a password to log back in. I saw my brother playing today and I missed the game, redownloaded and tried logging in. As now many games are facebook, or Google I'd. I clicked both and they gave me error. Bout a hour in it showed no link to a account. I had a panic attack, all my time, my money, gone. I had a habit of emailing myself the codes and I found it. But it was as they said ""expired"". They won't give me my game back. I was trying their support and they asked me over specific questions like when I started exactly like time too, and when I last logged in. And my level, how many in game currency I had, even the cola which was when you maxed out a character and got a extra. They said the would email in 7-14 business days. I feel as if I will never get it. So I am hoping right now to just forget about it because it is making me feel like he'll right now. Thanks for listening",more of a issue on my end.,0 +336,"Almost everyone now and then I would hold my breath instead of exhale without even noticing. I think I've had this habit for a while and weirdly only noticed it recently. + +It has also woken me up to the fact that I'm suffering from stress. And also subsequently suffering from hair loss. + +Looking for anyone that can relate or has advice.",I have an extremely bad habit of holding my breath.,0 +337,"Hello. + +I have had stress symptoms for almost a year. 2 months ago it started getting real bad. I couldn’t eat or sleep. +A month ago I went on sick leave from work. + +My nervous system has finally seemed to calm down this past week, and my restlessness has been replaced by increasing tiredness. I started being able to eat properly and sleep properly most night this past week. Today I have been ridiculously tired though. + +Woke up at 7 am, fell back asleep, slept till 10:30, felt like sleeping more but got up. Now it’s 18:45 and I feel like going to bed. +Is that normal?? +My recent bloodwork looks normal, though my vitamin d is a tad too low (we’re talking 0.1 too low) and a protein is too low too (also 0.1 too low). The last one is because of my hernia causing me not being able to eat enough.",Extremely tired after nervous system has calmed down?,0 +338,"I run a medium sized company and we are very successful. But I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks, and my body doesn’t handle a lot of stress well. It may be the thing that removes me from the position I’m currently in. + +The desk job and stress has not been kind to my body. + +I bought some noise cancelling headphones to use during stressful times and will see if it helps when I want to sort of meditate while at work. + +Does anyone have any tips?",Stressed out having trouble coming down from it,0 +339,[https://movexstill.com/blog/feeling-overwhelmed-here-are-4-simple-steps-to-eliminate-overwhelm](https://movexstill.com/blog/feeling-overwhelmed-here-are-4-simple-steps-to-eliminate-overwhelm),Are you feeling overwhelmed? Here's How to Eliminate The Feeling of Overwhelm,0 +340," Find relief from a heavy heart, which can trigger stress and racing thoughts. This [guided meditation](https://youtu.be/qVZNh6d7tnI)will help you explore the emotion of sadness in the hopes that you can learn from it and let it go.",Meditation to Ease the Stress of Sadness,0 +341,,Got caugh venting to myself at work being neuro divergent is stressful,0 +342,,Got caugh venting to myself at work being neuro divergent is stressful,0 +343,15 minutes to soothe the stress and anxiety from your day. [Guided meditation](https://youtu.be/sLIfnYWj8rU) to help calm and balance your mind.,Simple stress relief meditation,0 +344,"I know life is supposed to be difficult. I know stressful things can happen, and that most of us learn how to cope in a healthy way. Eating right and exercising are supposed to make us healthy and happy, both physically and mentally. We're supposed to have hobbies (beginner at knitting) to keep us occupied and to do our duties, which manifests in the job that I do almost every day. We need to have a network of support from friends and family. Life isn't just what happens to you, it's how you react to it. That's what I tell myself. + +Yet it seems that life, or at least my life, is just one stressful event after another. Be it getting rear-ended and struggling with insurance for a few months, a single parent's boyfriend showing up who stresses you out for the next few, transferring from one branch to another in your job, looming deadlines, and the knowledge that you have to eat healthily and sleep at least 8 hours a night or you're going to get sick...etc. etc. etc. Many times I'm happy and I catch myself wondering when the next bad thing is going to happen. WITHOUT FAIL, it does. I deal with it successfully, and it's on to the next one! Over and over and over again, catching moments of pleasure and peace in between. It's not a very good comparison, but it's kind of like Dark Souls, where you die your way through instead of playing your way through. + +I'm slowly being chipped away at. I've built an extraordinarily healthy way of living, but it seems at this point that it's just a tower I've built over a foundation under continuous assault by the elements that I'm constantly repairing. + +I've been tired. So tired. It's like I died a long time ago, and I'm only 23. I know everybody deals with constant stressors, so is everyone secretly feeling this way? Is it all drowned in alcohol? drugs? Religion? Are we supposed to naturally numb ourselves with age? This can't be all that life is! + +My grandfather eats junk food. He stands or sits around for most of the day and sometimes he goes for a walk before coming home and eating. He's been through the Vietnam war and lost almost everything. Despite sleep apnea, cancer, a fat-rich diet, and falling once, he's still thriving in his eighties. No one gets to that point unless they've got it all figured out inside. + +There's something obvious I'm missing, something that appears to make all the difference. I don't think a girlfriend will fix this, nor will any big purchases or materialism. Ideally, I'd have a life of inner peace and contentment, filled with steady but peaceful determination. Otherwise, life has no meaning to it.",Is this all life is supposed to be?,0 +345,To manage stress. Thanks,Any good book recommendations,0 +346,"Two months ago I felt numbness in half my body, from head to toes. Thought I was having a seizure, doctor said it was stress. + +Started taking the pills I was prescribed, and slowly started to feel better. Then anxiety hits. +I was fearing for my life, I felt I had a tumor on my brain after Googling symptoms (dumb on my part), I was having hallucinations on my sleep; to this day I still feel creeped out when I get all those stress sensations. + +I guess being so uncertain about stress might be the cause of my psyche hurting. Idk.",Thought I was going crazy. Stress and anxiety.,0 +347,[https://movexstill.com/blog/understanding-the-benefits-of-meditation](https://movexstill.com/blog/understanding-the-benefits-of-meditation),How Meditation helps in managing stress,0 +348,"What happens in the body when people stress out and begin itching everywhere, have a heartburn or sore throat or whatever? What causes those symptoms? Cortisol, histamine or what else?",What happens in the body when people stress out?,0 +349,"Earlier today I had an eye appointment after what feels like a year and throughout the time I would supposedly have my watch recording so I could listen back to it later on. Unfortunately just after I was done, I found that the thing DIDN’T record anything at all, even though I was sure I pressed the record button on it! + +Now I’ve spent the majority of the day stressed out at the fact that I had to rely on my memory to try to replay what my eye doctor’s informed me of when my mind’s already on too many things to begin with! + +I mean I know it’s supposed to be mundane and something to forget about as the days go one, not to mention how much my own mother kept in telling me to let such things go and not focus too much on it…. But I’ve just started taken a habit of recording important things that went on this week and me not checking to see if my watch was not recording really took a blow on what was supposed to be a good enough day today! + +I mean I had my lucky necklace and everything to signify that being the case! It’s not supposed to be the opposite of that!",Stressing out over documenting my own updates from minute things.,0 +350,"I feel like there is no solution, but perhaps someone here can share some insights... + +This is the 9th year I will be living with my mom. I never thought it would be almost a decade!! + +She stresses me out like no one else can. And that is not only wanting to do every little thing for me, but also affording me ver little privacy. + +Also, I am never ever just relaxing. This is probably the reason my shoulders and neck are stiff as a plank, my weight doesn't go down, always tired, always on the verge of tears, and a few other minor health issues (let's hope they don't become bigger issues!) + +I want to move out but finance does not allow it. + +I gym 3 to 4 times a week, try to eat healthy, sleep 8 hours, take a stack of supplements, but find no joy in hobbies or socializing (mostly because when I get back home she looks at me with doe eyes because why did I go off without her) + +I often play with my budget to see when/if I can move out, but so far no luck. + +I am looking into side hustles, but the tiredness, tears, lackluster makes it difficult to focus. + +Something must happen now! I also don't date for the same reasons as above.",chronic stress caused by mom,0 +351,"Ok so normally I am a very stressed person, like I'm constantly on edge, biting my nails, and when I finish biting my nails, I bite some of the skin off in the area. I never really thought about it too much until I just looked at my hands and I noticed how bad it was. So I took a day off to relax and spend the day just making sure to not use my brain too much or do anything particularly stressful, like playing a hard videogame or solving a hard puzzle and it was alright. But here's the problem, now I feel like I can't just go back because every time I try to do something that might need concentration, I can feel my heart just going back to that level of stress and i just can't. Has anyone here been in a situation that can relate to this one? If so, please tell me what you did.",Constant stress,0 +352,"I have often noted that physical illness somehow inhibits anxiety and stress. Right now I have a long-term stress situation going on, which won't be resolved quickly. But I just caught a mild bug from a gym session, and frankly all the usual stressors now feel kind of either switched off or dormant, while the mild illness dominates. Does anyone else experience this?",Anyone else get reduced stress with mild colds and bugs?,0 +353,,If I reduce my stress will I get a leaner and less puffy face. I’m lean but I’m stressing a lot and I have anxiety and I really am insecure about my face because it’s puffy.,0 +354,"To speak I live in South East Asia, where work is long hours and pay is only enough to try to survive a month. + +I have been managing my stress with family issues too so everything is a bit of a mishmash as I am angrily typing this down. And autism doesn't help with my stress management either. + +I had been working in a shitty workplace. The pay ain't bad but to deal with my boss terrible management and temperament which makes his employee turnover rate is so high .People would stay around for a week up to 3-4 months, with the group chat kept having people leave and join. As of now there are around 15 people who have come and gone which I seen since the first day I joined and worked here up until now. I heard that this business has been running for 4-5 years now but from what I seen is almost like an enterprenuerial business with no idea and direction they wanted to do as they have tutoring, selling board games/blind boxes and even large figurine tradings, throwing menial tasks at every employee with focus on trying to get more employees to join. I worked around 11-12 hours on average so it makes me stressed at first. + +Then a few days ago when I got home from work (around 11pm almost midnight) my dad called me in to have a talk with him, then he explains that he's worried about my health and my body health. At first I didn't think about it much. Me and my father didn't go well for a long time so I think of it more as of a warning, however it turned to make me angry and stressed as he simulate what will happen to me by imagining if I were turned into a disabled person and unable to move at all, with me still able to talk. I got so stressed and tired enough that I didn't get enough sleep after I finally got to excuse myself. + +And comes up to today as I had enough with today as I tend after their store and I was a little loopy, I looked like I was sleeping when I'm actually trying to stay awake. The owner called me that he's been watching me sleeping for 15 minutes and he's going to cut my pay. Then he ordered me to go to wash my face. i did before coming back, so angry and annoyed that I slapped the store's security camera, HARD. Luckily it didn't break just the camera cable disconnected so it's an easy fix. So I just called the manager and told them that the camera accidentally fell to the ground and broke, saying that it worked fine after I reassembled it. I was a little panicked but a little less stressful from that. + +Sorry it's more of a rant post, but I do need help managing my own stress and it just came up almost everyday. How do I do it? I felt like I could explode at any point right now.",I got extremely stressed in workplace and home.,0 +355,"Nothing seems to get filed away it all just buzzes around in my head. + +Hear about how Climate change can't be stopped? It's on the pile. I've got a presentation to give in a week that I'm anxious about. It's on the pile. Have a strange symptom that may be something serious. It's on the pile. + +It feels like I'm full to burst with stressful things and they're all there as if I've got to solve them one by one. It's maddening and extremely bad for cognitive health. Anybody else have a similar experience?",Does it all just pile on for you,0 +356,"Stop thinking about committing suicide. Ive never wanted to commit suicide so bad in my life. I attempted last month and since then I’ve had a really strong urge to off myself. + +Im totally ready and willing. But life has been showing signs of getting better. Idk how to get over the feeling. The feeling of wanting to commit suicide is almost addictive as if death could fulfill the role of the greatest drug known to man. A pure release of peace.",It has been very hard recently to,0 +357,"I have had a few health problems this year. After quite a lot of investigation and tests the doctor is fairly sure it's chronic stress. + +I have dizziness, fatigue and quite a lot of muscle aches/very localised chest pains. I've had some therapy which helped me realise at least that I am so stressed and deal with some of the stresses in my life, but now even at a period of low stress my symptoms have continued. + +Does anyone else have these symptoms and have any hints on how to manage them?",Chronic stress with symptoms,0 +358,hello i am new here i have a problem that i would like answers to i have a number of symptoms which according to the hospital and my doctor is due to stress because nothing is found i also have stress but do not recognize these symptoms from previous heavy periods symptom 1 neck shoulder tension with radiation to under arm and hand symptom. 2 pelvic problems symptom 3 hip problems and of course I'm stressed I worry a lot and am very anxious I especially hope to get an answer to the shoulders neck and arm tension thanks in advance,New here i have some questions,0 +359,a simple 10 min meditation may comfort [https://youtu.be/c-VOp96-Aus](https://youtu.be/c-VOp96-Aus),meditation?,0 +360,"i've been so negligent with everything in my life. my head feels full. i neglected applying for leave early enough and was called out in front of my entire team (indirectly. my name wasn't mentioned). i'm wondering why i did that?? why did i delay applying for simple leave? i feel so guilty and ashamed, but i also have the feeling that i'm beating myself up too much for it + +though, this isn't an isolated incident. + +i was meant to deliver assets to another team but neglected to double-check if we had all the assets to deliver. instead, i ignored the issue. the team eventually called me out for it. ideally I should've flagged the issue and had them deal with it... but i was just too lazy?? it wasn't even a big deal. nothing arduous, but i got too lazy. what's worse is that I didn't own up to my mistake. + +i feel soooo ashamed, wow. i don't know what's up. i'm slipping lately, in the most tiny, unnecessary ways but it's making me feel so anxious and disappointed in myself. + +what is this?? self-sabotage? negligence? why am i failing in the most unnecessary of circumstances?",i'm being negligent at work,0 +361,"As the title says I am stressed about everything in my life right now, so first off I work full time (50 hrs a week on average), I am a full time college student, I was recently kicked out and threatened to be taken to court by my own mother, my car is in the shop and has been since September (luckily I finally was able to get a loaner vehicle from the shop), I really hate my job and have been applying to other places (trying to make career change from security to IT) with no luck so far, I am currently living paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford to live on my own (I have no friends or anyone else I can get a place together with), my life has become auto pilot recently (go to work, come home, do school work, repeat the next day) and all this stress has already taken it’s toll on me as I recently became very sick, I had a fever of 104, and I was diagnosed with colitis in the ER, I was severely dehydrated to the point where my kidneys were on the verge of shutting down and I had lost so much blood that I had to receive a unit of blood as well. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like giving up because all this stress is more than one person can handle, I am not suicidal but I just feel like giving up because I just don’t know what to do, I have no one to truly talk to, I have no friends so I’m forced to just deal with the massive amounts of stress myself",I am so stressed out over everything in my life (Venting),0 +362,"Here's a stupid reason for ya. + +Just earlier today, I updated the YouTube app on one of my older iPads for the purpose of trying to screenshot some sort of tutorial for one of the newer features suddenly popping up when I thought it was it on just one of my devices. + +Now because of that action, I'm stressing myself out for no reason because I didn't take the time to screenshot how the app looked beforehand so I could examine whatever differences there were before and after the update. + +I don't have any more devices to try again so I'm just SOL now.",Creating unneeded stress to myself.,0 +363,I don’t know if this resonates with anyone else or what but I think I may be addicted to conflict. I don’t know why. Maybe it is due to prolonged chronic stress. Any ideas? I’d like solutions paradoxically.,Conflict Addiction,0 +364,"i worry about if there comes a world war 3 with Russia and it gives me stress. +do you think that there comes a world war 3. +or peace soon?",Stress about world war 3,0 +365,"Today I stressed about giving not perfectly clean glass of water to the technican that came to our house two-three weeks ago. It was my fault that I didn't pay enough attention at that moment, and now this thing keeps haunting me down almost every day for a brief moment 😞. +Anyone else has these silly long-lasting regrets?",Ridiculous things you stress about,0 +366,"I’m 26 now even tho, I feel I’m lacking confidence and awareness in life. Deep down I know I have the potentional to change my life but my mindset and overthinking makes me want to constantly keep doubting my abilities to take actions. It’s like I’m living my life in fear and regrets. I just don’t know how to get out of the boundaries I’ve created in my head. + +I just want to better myself but I don’t know what steps to take",I feel like I can do much things but I’m not believing in myself and always keep doubting & fears,0 +367,,I feel like I have health problems because I stress myself too much. What should I do since I’m starting to have stomach problems and issues with my parents,0 +368,"Hey guys, can anybody temme what to do about the mind chatter? My mind is not stable. It literally feels as if I have a whole fucking storm or a tornado inside. For eg, I tried meditating as always but recently when I closed My eyes and tried to focus, there were 10 different thoughts battling inside and it really did freak me out and I never meditated after. There's so much and I've got huge goals lined up which I can't miss, the mess in my head could be the worry and rage and dissatisfaction or disappointment regarding my career and my ex boyfriend/ relationship and the related issues. But majority my career. I feel anxious, panicked and heavy really heavy. Please temme what can I do?",I need an advice.,0 +369,"I wonder if I’m the only one sometimes going through all this . Anyway I’m a 35 year old male living in Los Angeles working soon will have my own apartment in a few months because of my autism ( though most people don’t know I’m autistic). I have a roommate currently. I am originally from the sf Bay Area and while I loved it there I needed a change . Weather for one thing and LA just seemed so exciting and it is . Anyway I moved here in 2018 and love it . So I’m happy in the city I live in , but I’m not happy with the circumstances of the last two years and instead of looking back I’m trying to look forward and realize my lie isn’t over and boring and useless. First off I used to go the gym and run and eat healthy, and I was in much better shape obviously. Than Covid came my work hours changed and so did my diet along with everything else. I work retail so those who work it or have will know exactly what I’m talking about. So in 2022 I tried to restart by going back to being a vegetarian, forcing myself to go back to the gym etc, but my motivation is just not there yet . I do have a small social life so I’m thankful for that and I am also a photographer as I love all the architecture in this city . But I need more friends my age I’m +Guessing and there just seem to be no women who aren’t partiers or who would let me be myself with them . Or maybe I’m looked at as asexual or unattractive. Anyways I just need something more exciting than just work and home . I wish I had a group o could do things with but of course my schedule makes it tough . + +My dating/sex history: +I was never very good at asking women out even though most of my life I was told I was extremely handsome I’m tall 6”1 blonde hair , brown eyes . I was told I could have modeled when I was younger . Anyway I didn’t lose my virginity till I was 20 which is late but partly because i was shy , just not confident. I had an opportunity to be that girls boyfriend who I lost my virginity to but I just decided I didn’t want a relationship with her , well between 2007 and 2009 I had no heterosexual sex but desired it but was insecure, etc . I’ll admit because I grew up in San Francisco and had gay friends I even experimented with gay men as a way out since I was just not having relationships with women but I realized obviously I was not gay or bi since I didn’t feel attracted to men . Than I’m 2010 I had sex with a drunk cougar and that was one and done . I had a disasterous date with a woman in the mission district in sf and it was horrible. I than tried going to “ cougar bars” with my friend but of course we would never go home with anyone, and it wasn’t my scene anyway. Than in 2012 I met my first girlfriend who was older than me at a class. Funny thing is I liked her immediately and she clearly liked me . We saw the Batman dark knight movie which was our first date in 2012. Well we fucked like crazy so much so that I felt it was a bit much and the non sexual side of our relationship seemed kinda ehhh…. +Well I eventually drove her away and regretted it . And since then I’ve slept with a few older women from 2015-2019. But since Covid I’ve had no sex except masturbation . Partly I still do struggle with being insecure and feeling like Women will never be into me which I know is nonsense of course . But I am now have a strange sense of being torn on one hand I would like to be in a relationship, on the other hand my life is busy enough with work and exploring stuff in LA with my camera . I almost feel like the woman would have to be perfect for me because I feel like maybe my earlier history told me something that I’m just someone who lost their virginity late and because of it maybe it messed me up or maybe I’m better off just with a few friends and my own life . Partly I think I need someone who I can be myself around them without judgment and I’m trying to change . Maybe I’m just to weird or absent minded . I try to work on my confidence and I try to +Fake it till I make it but that can only last so long . I do have confidence issues and while I’m secretive about it deep inside I feel like most women are either judging me or think I’m unattractive , or that I’m gay. + +I guess I need to work on myself . I want to get back into shape , eat healthier, exercise like I used to . Also I use to shave everyday clean shaven and short hair but when Covid came I got lazy. I’m going to try and get myself together and work on myself. I take my medication for depression which helps and I do have a therapist but I can’t see her as much as I’d like . I do have challenges but I always try to work through them + +My issues with sex, relationships, asking women out : +I have often had issues with asking women out , etc. it’s weird maybe I am incel yet I don’t blame my problems on women I blame it all on myself that I’m my own worst enemy. I tend to shoot myself in the foot . It’s weird because I don’t consider myself repressed. I grew up in a liberal household in San Francisco. I also am not a right winger as most incels are . I am liberal . Anyways so most men can ask a woman out with no problem and nothing would faze them . I on the other hand have trouble because I don’t want to make a fool of myself, come off as creepy etc . Good example is there is this customer at work who I like and comes in most everyday . Her and I talk quite a bit when I’m helping her and we smile at each other . And I think she likes me , but probably just being friendly. Two of my colleagues know I like her and always ask “ Have you asked her out yet “ I always give an excuse or that she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me that way. So other guys could just ask a woman out with no issue but not me. Also I’m not at my best right now and want to get back to being healthy and exercise. The funny thing is I can talk to beautiful women because I do every day because I work in Beverly Hills and I can engage and be friendly but on my own I don’t seek out to talk to women because of my own fear as how they view me. The funny thing is I did ask my ex gf out but it wasn’t really a “date asking her out it was more casual and things developed. I just wonder if I can overcome these issues that have been plaguing me for a good chunk of my life . I just sometimes feel I’m cursed .h",How can I change my current ( most of my life) situation?,0 +370,I'm too stressed to sleep because of my family relationships. How do you guys get good sleep?,Too Stressed To Sleep,0 +371,"I think way too deep into SO many things and I can’t get out of it. I’m trying to collect older video games and systems (N64, SNES that kinda stuff) but I’m always thinking like “what if it works fine when I buy it and 2 days later it breaks and I have to get new parts and they have to make new parts with metal and plastic and in the process I am helping to hurt the environment and I’m a bad person for wanting to fix my game cartridge” A STUPID GAME CARTRIDGE IS CAUSING ME STRESS (and it’s not even Superman 64. My apologies trynna make a joke and lighten the mood y’know) I just think I way my actions like I’m trynna get into the good place or something, like I think WAY to deep. I need a bit of help, but thanks for reading.",I’m thinking too much,0 +372,,How a Gummy Can Effectively Reduce Oxidative Stress,0 +373,"i have: +- to apply for university +- deal with an verbally, financially, and occasionally physical abusive father +- recently run away mother +- financial problems +- important exams in a limited amount of time +- classmates bullying and rumors +- really bad anxiety attacks followed by depressive states +- really bad loneliness +- really constant and overbearing insecurities and intrusive thoughts +- 1 friend + +the worst part is if i stop to pause for a second i will fall behind everyone including my classmates. i can’t afford to do that, literally and figuratively. + +please help i literally feel breathless and alone. i have no one and everyone is going further in life and leaving me behind",fuck i can’t do this anymore,0 +374,"I hate when I have this constant need to make other people happy who couldn't give the slightest shit about me. Sometimes I would not be able to sleep or work until I know that they are happy knowing fully well that they won't do the same for me. I seem to feel like if I don't make everyone happy, I deserve all the negative things that come my way.",People pleasing sucks,0 +375,"Cant lie i got offered a “office cleaning job” full time, and good pay so i took it. Ive done cleaning since i was 17 and just stuck with it because its easy and most of the time your left alone to just do your job in peace and go home. I’m 21 now and never had a cleaning job like this. So i turn up for my 1st day and was greeted by a woman and a confused looking bloke. She said “firstly have we got safety shoes and a hi vis?” I looked at her confused. “No?” Long story short i was never told to bring either of the things, because like i said i was told it was an office cleaning job, so she gave me a hi vis and some borrowed shoes that were massive on me, which i had to wear for 3 days because again wasnt told i needed safety shoes an i was broke af. She took me into a huge warehouse with different compartments and said this is what ill be cleaning. Along with rooms connected to the warehouse that operate massive machinery making car parts. + +She told this confused bloke that had only been there for a week to show me around, this guy had no clue what he was doing tbh, just pointed at things and told me i had to “empty bins that way”. Later i was then told i had to drive around this fucking monster of a cleaning machine in tight rooms, never had proper training on this thing btw just got told what buttons to press and to just practice. Yeah sure I’ll just practice not crashing a giant machine into stacks of metal cages whilst also dodging death. I have crashed this machine not badly luckily but have definitely been in situations that couldve killed me. The thing that really pissed me off is the fact i was struggling on driving this thing today, the supervisor who was meant to be helping me, didnt want to help me (laughed and shyed away) when i was panicking on the machine cos i couldnt get it through this gap and i didnt want to crash into big metal boxes that couldve fell on me. She got on it and started getting nervous herself being on it and hated driving it just as much as i do, then started mocking how i have to drive it and she doesnt. Keep in mind shes meant to have fucking trained me to use it. + +From tomorrow onwards im going to use a push machine to clean the floors and if they dont like it im leaving because that job is a jobs worth and they dont give a fuck about my safety.",Being a warehouse cleaner sucks.,0 +376,"Hey I'm almost 18. There's a lot in my plate right now. There's so much in my head too. College, USA, Career, goals, my limits, my scores, expectations, deadlines, procrastination, ngl heartbreak, weak bond with family members, etc. +I really need to vent it. +Anyone down to call maybe on snapchat ???",I need to talk.,0 +377,"So there's this guy. An ex ss officer. He fell in love with a jewish prisoner in Auschwitz and had a relationship with her. After the war he tried to contact her to be with him, but she wanted nothing more to do with him, so he started a new life, family, got married . He had this one picture ofher(in her auschwitz prisoner uniform) , and he used to cut out her head and put her on another clothing, away from Auschwitz. He used to do this for the most of his life (the filmaker says it was a way for him to imagine an alternative life they could have had).He copied the picture and kept it in his wallet until the day he died. So when his daughter was 16 she said her father told her about this Jewish girl, and that he never ever in his life felt true love like that. He even gave his daughter a locket with a picture of him and his ex Jewish girlfriend, not her mother. His daughter said it was odd, and she also said that this Jewish girl was the love of his life(in a documentary, there was a documentary made about them). So the filmmaker which is close to both his and Jewish girls families said that the ss officer was deeply and truly in love in this Jewish girl, till the day he died. His wife also knew about his ex.So in 1972 he had to go to the court because of his war crimes against humanity, and his ex Jewish girlfriend was a witness,when he saw her after 30 years of no contact he started to cry. Does that mean even while married to his wife he loved his ex girlfriend more? Does that mean that he would maybe leave his wife for her?",can you be deeply in love with 2 people at the same time?,0 +378," + + **How Mindfulness replaces medication to reduce anxiety** + +Care works similarly as well as a prescription to check nervousness, concentrate on finds + +A care contemplation course might be as successful at lessening uneasiness as a typical medicine, as per another review. + +The exploration, distributed on November 9 in JAMA Psychiatry, involved a gathering of 276 grown-ups with untreated uneasiness problems. A big part of the patients was haphazardly chosen to take 10 to 20 mg of escitalopram, the nonexclusive type of Lexapro, a typical medicine used to treat nervousness and wretchedness. The other half were relegated to an eight-week course in care-based pressure decrease. + +The outcomes were dazzling: The two gatherings experienced about a 20% decrease in their tension side effects over the eight-week time span. + +Elizabeth Hoge, the lead creator on the review and the overseer of the Tension Issues Exploration Program at Georgetown College Clinical Center, let CNN know that she trusts the examination can open up greater treatment choices for patients with uneasiness. [more](https://tomorrowgreatest.blogspot.com/2022/11/scientific-study-how-mindfulness.html)",Scientific Study How Mindfulness replaces medication to reduce anxiety,0 +379,"To fly through my background I was abused pretty heavily growing up and have always been very hyper vigilant. Meaning I've had a lot of stress my entire life. Recently I've started to take notice of how old I and others look. I'm obsessed with guessing how old people are, whenever I find someone who I think is my age or looks as old as I do I find they're at least 5 years if not 10 years older than me. I'm only 21 and I feel like I already look older than my 6 year older brother. My cheeks are hollow and my hair is thin. My skin looks rough and my skin complexion is uneven. It's rough. I don't know how to accept this. It feels so unfair and I'm struggling to deal with it. I obviously don't KNOW if I'm any older than I am and am looking into having my biological age tested but all the physical and cognitive markers or age are showing. Has anyone else dealt with this? I feel like I've had 10 or so of the best and healthiest years of my life stolen from me.",Has anyone experienced premature ageing?,0 +380,"I have several conditions which mean chronic stress. These are all in hand as best as can be hoped. Recently though, I’ve been having nasty bouts of pain in my ribs because of stress. It feels like I’m wearing a corset. Does anyone have any reliefs as to how to combat this?",How to relief or even stop rob pain caused by stress?,0 +381,Basically I had stress and it lead to anxiety when I went to the doctor that’s what they said and when I had it happened my heart was racing face and I couldn’t breathe normally but I calmed down in the moment. But my breathing has been feeling irregular for this week and my question is if it’s normal for my breathing to be irregular after a panic attack still because It’s been happening since then. Or am I having more panic attacks I’m not aware about?,Stress—>Anxiety—>Anxiety/Panic Attack,0 +382,I am 24 and work 16-18 hours a day. Just take a sleep for 3-4 hours. As i am working in a startup so there is a lot to learn. If i will not learn/work then how could I be successful? But due to this workload maybe i am getting more n more anger issues.,how can i overcome my stress?,0 +383,"Is it normal to not be able to keep the house clean and catch up on basic household chores. My wife and I work opposite schedules so that we don't have to rely on day care or a babysitter. We have a 16 month old daughter, 2 cats and a dog. I try my best to keep the house tidy but little detail stuff like dusting, vacuuming and mopping seem almost impossible to do and after a day it looks like nothing even got done. Outside chores is a race while she naps during the day and what ever doesn't get done has to wait for a second nap or another day. By no means is my house filthy but there are a lot of projects I can't seem to start and trying to just maintain it is a project in itself. Before the kid I was able to do a lot more but between her and trying to get basic stuff done while working is very draining. Normally I'd wait till the evening to do something after she goes to bed but lately I just wanna play on my phone or watch a movie. I love my family with all my heart and would not change a thing, I'm just stressed because I think of everything that needs to get done and it causes me to procrastinate even more. As a new parent I just need to hear whether or not this is normal. I've been told that one day I'll miss all the hustle and bustle and noise.",Stress of having a family and trying to keep up with life,0 +384,"Anyone else think about what could've been, I'm 26, unemployed, live with parents, never worked a job, socially retarded, no friends, no drivers license, I wonder what could've been i have no idea how i turned out this way i guess i made all the wrong choices or did nothing maybe if computers didn't exist i would've been normal maybe in a different time things could've been different.",Just a loser passing by,0 +385,aaAAAAAAAAAA FIDBWJSKLA oaak$]*÷akkaaAAAAAAAAA DO¥●EOODSNAPOW●¥•》OEKFPA8489492DNKS×[;,AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,0 +386,Soooo I def have anxiety. I was just casually hanging out. Playing video games. Then I felt like I had a small ball or maybe even my cats hair. Idk. Just stuck there. Then I swallowed something? Ideeeekkk. I’m freaking out. It’s like a thing for anxiety to make your throat feel right and raspy? Now it just feel irritated. I drank water. I’m having like a dry cough. I do smoke weed. Sooo. Idk. Help? Anyone have anxiety that has had this weird sensation and/or swallowed a miscellaneous dust particle? Lolz. Thanks sm.,Random? Need advice.,0 +387,"With the stress and chaos of this world, it is no wonder why we all are like tightly wound balls that could explode at any moment. + + It's an extremely trying time for us all. + +But it doesn't have to be... + +There are little things we can do on a daily basis to bring back our mental sanity and to bring us back to our place of peace and calm. + +Besides meditation, one of the best thing that works for me is a daily gratitude practice. + +When we focus on gratitude daily, we block out the negative and multiply the positive. The practice literally transforms our world! + +To learn more about the benefit of a daily gratitude practice, click [here](https://medium.com/p/cf087ef70374).",Gratitude is a huge stress reliever,0 +388,"My close friend has been going through a lot with school work, to her ex drama just busy days. I want to help more than I feel I am. I know I am but I feel I can do more. + +I looked after her kid for her twice now so she could go out and see friends for school and just to have a little fun. She really appreciated it. We also did a halloween thing with her son too and she had a lot of fun, watched a movie and just had some laughs. She told me it was nice to get out and do that and just have a fun Friday night. + +She deserves it. I made her a nice dish for dinner and she loved it. She suggested we do a hockey game soon too and just little things together. She told me her friends want to meet me too and I felt honoured but she needs a babysitter first.. + +We are going out to brunch in a few days so I know she said she likes that distraction out of reading her books etc. Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks and was going to put a nice little gift together of candles, bath bombs etc.. + +what else can I do to help.. + +I know looking after her son helps a lot and she thanked me a lot and gave me a gift card to say thanks. + +I know going to do a coffee or little hang helps her out too but I really could see how much she's stressed and struggling. + +She called me about it and confided in me too. + +What else can I do..ask? or give flowers?",Just want a little advice.,0 +389,[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzVCAwhvlUo&t=207s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzVCAwhvlUo&t=207s),Relaxing Tropical forest by the lake Ambient - 432Hz,0 +390,"Does any one have tips on how to relax your muscles due to stress? Every muscle in my body is beyond tight and I'm in quite a bit of pain. I have tried running, biking, exercise and stretching and I feel like it kind of gets worse. It's hard to sleep honestly. Any suggestions, natural supplements, vitamins, food, exercises, would be greatly appreciated!",Muscle relaxation?,0 +391,"I want to preface this post with that in theory I love my job. Back in August I found a job that I actually enjoy doing, but my coworkers are stressing me out so horribly that I have allergic reaction like hives on the right side of my face and neck. +I work at a gym in the daycare center and as of late we’ve been getting an influx of gym members, which in turn means more children. At my gym we have two different rooms for childcare. We have a childcare room for toddlers (where I work) and then we have “kids club” for elementary school age kids. There is more than the age difference between the two rooms. Kids club is a much larger room and has more mature toys such as monster high dolls, Jenga, and a giant connect four. This room is better equipped for a larger group of kids. The other room is basically a glorified supply closet which is perfect for small children. +Now we got that out of the way I can get to why I’m here: +Between these two room there is supposed to be two people working, one in child care and one in kid’s club, but as of late I’ve been the only person scheduled for any form of daycare. It’s been extremely difficult to manage the toddlers and making sure the older kids are okay. I’ve been stressing so hard about making sure everyone is safe and enjoying themselves while I have 3 toddlers crying to be picked up and now I have two special needs children now. The right side of my face and neck is breaking out in hives. I need a new job.",Stress hives from work.,0 +392,"Hello! I have a small counselling practice and I am looking for 10 volunteers who would like to receive a free 1 hour therapy session by video conference in return for a testimonial. + +I do CBT, NLP, REBT, EFT and traditional solution based counselling. + +If you are interested please send an email to info@tapandtalktherapy.com with the Subject: Testimonial Session + +Thank you!",Free Online Counselling Sessions,0 +393,My in laws has been so controlling over my two boys. They try and basically tell me what I need to do and what not to do... Sometimes they make me feel like I'm a bad mother! And it from thing like me sending my kids to public school to them getting the mandatory shots to attend school... Or the fact that I don't doing anything with politics because it's not something I'm very educated with and that's because I never showed interest so their for I don't vote and they think I should just go vote for who they tell me to because it's my children future and I'm a bad person cause I dont. They make me feel like I'm going crazy!!! Husband agrees with me and tells me to just let them go and let it be... But then theirs part of me that feels bad because my kids have a great bond with them. So I'm basically stuck in the middle of letting them out of my life and enjoy peace or just continue to allow their behavior so my boys are happy! There's so much more to it that's stressful.,Toxic in laws!,0 +394,"So I struggle with criticism. On the moment I'm contradicted on a subject, I doubt just about everything I know. It's a huge problem. I will become extremely anxious and self pity, if I don't get defensive. Typically if someone else is wrong or criticized even at the smallest degree at a similar time, it's like instant relief, but that isn't a given. How should I learn to take criticism so I'm actually a better person from it?",How to Take Criticism Effectively,0 +395,"TIL from this [article](https://www.claritychi.com/stress-awareness/) that the first Wednesday of November. Nice little reminder for me to relax, just as the holidays start creeping up.",Stress Awareness Day,0 +396,"Does anyone get this with stress/anxiety? I have never had allergies before, usually on the morning I am good. But after lunch at work, one side of my nose get clogged and it makes it hard to breathe and my anxiety doesn't help. Do you have tips or things I can do to relive this? This is like my number reason my anxiety shoots up + +Any tips would be helpful",Nose Clogged? dried out?,0 +397,"Today is Stress Awareness Day so I want to share some statistics and resources available for people suffering from stress: + +&#x200B; + +* The most common cause of stress is work-related stress with 79% saying they frequently felt it. (Statista)😓 +* 74% of people feel so stressed they have been overwhelmed or unable to cope. (Mental Health Foundation and YouGov)😦 +* 13.7 million working days are lost each year in the UK because of work-related stress, anxiety and depression, costing £28.3 billion yearly. (NICE) 🤯 + +Tips to Deal with  Stress: +\-**Explore your triggers**: Keep a diary for one week to discover which situations increase your stress levels the most. +\-**Practice time management**: Trying to do everything at once isn't an effective way to handle stress as it usually takes you longer to complete your tasks. Ensure that you are organised by managing your time efficiently. +**-Set boundaries:** It's easy to be available 24 hours a day due to current technology. Establish some boundaries so work is distanced from your personal life. +**-Life outside of work:** To avoid experiencing burnout you must take some time to look after yourself and engage in activities you enjoy. +**-Build a support network:** Speaking with and meeting up with friends and family can help you feel more positive and reduce your vulnerability to stress. +**-Focus on healthy habits:** Avoid alcohol, caffeine and nicotine, get enough sleep, eat well and be active. + +**-Do a course:** There are plenty of courses available that will teach you to understand the symptoms and causes of stress, steps you can take to deal with your stress and will help you practice dealing with stressful situations in the safety of exercises. For example, **VirtualSpeech** is offering a free trial for their Managing Workplace Stress course and **FutureLearn** also offers a Workplace Wellbeing course.",7 Tips to Deal with Stress,0 +398,"Or is it just me? + +I have two blood/circulatory, autoimmune disorders that are not that difficult to regulate, but can get annoying sometimes because I often have to go to more appointments than I’d like. Also, depending on the job, I may have to ask for accommodations. + +The last manager that I asked for an accommodation basically insinuated that I was lying, and even when I proved it with a doctors note, she was still very rude about it, and acted like I was asking for something ridiculous other than needing to get up every two hours and walk around for five minutes because of my poor circulation. + +I have been let go in the past due to taking time off for medical conditions, but of course they don’t say that it’s because of medical condition they just say I’m taking “too much time off.” So I can’t claim ADA discrimination. + +I’ve been at my new job for a little over a year now and they are so flexible and have no issues with me taking time off but of course I built up this wall because of previous jobs and I’m always terrified to ask for time off when I need to go to a doctors appointment. + +My doctor is like “your health is more important than your job and you need to make this work so that you can do everything you need to do to handle your autoimmune diseases.” Obviously, my health is more important than a job but he doesn’t think about the fact that companies don’t give a shit about health and if I lose my job due to taking time off, I won’t be able to afford insurance or pay out-of-pocket for him. + +It stresses me the fuck out and I feel like each side is pulling me without considering the consequences.",Do you ever feel like you’re in a losing battle between your doctor and your job?,0 +399,"I have a 10yo daughter who has always seemed happy and carefree but sacred me tonight. She is very active in dance and cheer but has been upset recently about her dance instructor focusing on her being ""pigeon-toed"". She has also been talking a lot about her ""arches"" and her feet hurting outside of dance. Anyway, I picked her up from dance tonight and she seemed upset and said it was due to Ms Caitlyn talking about her feet again but then seemed fine. 10 minutes later out of nowhere she blurted out ""this is really weird but sometimes I just want to jump out of the car"" and started crying. When I asked her to explain it to me she said that her body wanted her to but her brain told her no. I was shocked and horrified and had no clue what to say or do. Does anyone have any advice? Please help.",10yo daughter stressed or is it more?,0 +400,I’m (22F) starting to get a stress headache thinking about work on Wednesday. I’m really bad at math and calculating since I was in elementary school (I think the closest I’ve come to being diagnosed with a learning disability was in 5th grade) and I have to count money at work. I always have to recount it just in case but it makes me take more time than needed.,Stress Headache,0 +401,"While fear, shock, and disgust are typically seen as negative emotions that we want to avoid, they can also be an enjoyable experience in certain situations. + +Horror movies are one of the best examples of this. When you’re watching a horror movie about ghosts, zombies, serial killers, aliens, or monsters, your nervous system naturally kicks into gear as if you’re experiencing a real threat from your environment. + +**This** [**fight, flight, or freeze**](https://www.theemotionmachine.com/the-complete-guide-to-daily-stress/)**-response creates a biochemical rush of adrenaline, endorphins, and dopamine, which can create a type of “natural high.”** + +However, while your body experiences the “natural high” of a real threat, your brain knows deep down that you’re actually safe and secure – and there’s no real danger present. + +One early [study](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF00995932) published in the journal *Motivation and Emotion* looked into why people enjoy eating really spicy foods (such as chili peppers) and found a similar response. + +Chili enjoyers still feel the same irritation and pain of eating spicy foods as everyone else, but they enjoy the rush of adrenaline and endorphins it produces. It stimulates the body’s “warning system” in a harmless and risk-free way that can be exciting and exhilarating. + +This type of [positive thrill-seeking](https://www.theemotionmachine.com/positive-thrill-seeking/) can be found in many other relatively safe and harmless activities, such as riding rollercoasters, extreme sports, skydiving, an intense workout, or playing competitive video games. + +**New psychology research shows that the experience of negative emotions (in a safe and controlled context) can be very enjoyable and beneficial.** + +One [study](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30307264/) published in the scientific journal *Emotion* found that “voluntarily arousing negative emotions” (VANE) – such as purposely making ourselves scared – can lead to an overall boost in mood, like when we watch a horror movie or visit a haunted house. + +The study looked at individuals who bought tickets for an “extreme haunted house” event, which was designed to elicit a variety of negative emotions such as anxiety, fear, shock, and disgust. + +After the “haunted house” experience, most individuals reported an overall boost in euphoria and positive mood, especially if they felt tired, bored, or stressed beforehand. + +While the sample is biased (people who buy tickets to haunted houses are more likely to enjoy them), the study does reveal that some people genuinely enjoy scaring themselves. + +Furthermore, the study found that individuals who enjoyed the haunted house experience also showed less stress while completing subsequent cognitive and emotional tests (including showing less reactivity in the brain during those tests, as measured by EEG recordings). + +Researchers theorize that “voluntarily arousing negative emotions” (VANE) can teach us how to better deal with future stress and anxiety. + +This is a common technique behind a lot of *exposure therapy*, where a person is gradually put into a fearful situation so they become more “desensitized” to some irrational fear or phobia. For example, a person scared of flying may be asked by a therapist to visualize themselves getting on a plane until they learn to manage their fear better. + +By actively exposing ourselves to fear, shock, or disgust in a safe and controlled way, we get to practice regulating these emotions in the moment, which is an important pillar of [emotional intelligence](https://www.theemotionmachine.com/4-fundamental-pillars-of-emotional-intelligence/). + +**Horror movies** ***simulate*** **extraordinary experiences that we normally wouldn’t have in the real world. When we watch a horror movie, we put ourselves in the protagonist’s position and ask ourselves,** ***“What would I do in this situation?”*** + +New research shows fans of horror movies may even be more prepared to face real-world catastrophes. + +One fascinating [study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7492010/) published in *Personality and Individual Differences* discovered that fans of “horror movies” and “pandemic movies” were more resilient during the COVID pandemic. It was also found that fans of “prepper” genres in particular (alien-invasion, apocalyptic, and zombie films) exhibited both greater resilience and preparedness. + +This is one reason why “pandemic” movies such as *Contagion* and *28 Days Later* showed a huge spike in popularity during COVID. + +Ultimately, horror movies give us a chance to face our fears and practice [mentally rehearsing](https://www.theemotionmachine.com/mental-rehearsal-changing-habits-through-the-power-of-visualization/) how we would respond in extremely intense situations. As the famous horror writer Stephen King once said, “A good horror story help us understand our own deepest fears.”","The Psychology of Horror Movies: Why People Enjoy Being Scared, Shocked, and Disgusted",0 +402," + +When it comes to dealing with stress, we’re often told the best things we can do are exercise, make time for our favorite activities, or try meditation or mindfulness. + +But the kinds of foods we eat may also be an effective way of dealing with stress, according to research published by me and other members of APC Microbiome Ireland. + +Our latest study has shown that eating more fermented foods and fiber daily for just four weeks had a significant effect on lowering perceived stress levels. + + [See The Article](https://jayasrilanka.info/2022/10/29/want-to-lower-your-stress-it-may-just-take-4-weeks-of-eating-these-kinds-of-food-sciencealert/)",Want to Lower Your Stress? It May Just Take 4 Weeks of Eating These Kinds of Food,0 +403,[https://youtu.be/pFFqsSkOBrM](https://youtu.be/pFFqsSkOBrM),Peacefull raining soundscape to help you relax.,0 +404,"I am 28 years old and my birthday is tomorrow. I am not the one who cares much about my age or celebrates it. However i am having a very bad week and seem too stressed out. + +To start with, i was on a weekend trip with my girl friends to relax and meet after 2 long years. It was fun. But i am always the 3rd wheel in that friendship. They both are nice to me and they wish well for me. But i am the complete opposite of them. They are funny , crack jokes , extrovert and i am none of it. I just listen to them and enjoys the company sort of. They are good looking and can carry themselves. I am bit on the fatty side and does not look much good in the pictures. I think it always bothers me. + +Anyways , i come back from the trip and thought to stay with my boyfriend for some days. I feel lonely even when he is around. He gets very excited about his work and talks continuously about it. I am very much discouraged and demotivated by it even though i should not. He helped with a lot of stuff at work. I keep wondering why i am not excited as much as he is. I am interested in doing my work but i am not an expert. Just an average person at work. But i am a team lead too and the management part of comes easily for me. + +I normally handles the new joinee mentorship, any documentations, managing the team calls , setting up sessions. Somewhat what a culture team would do. I like doing this but i don't want to be known for it. Anyways past week, my department head called me up and said he sending some names selected for attending a training and asked to review it. I thought I might be in it but i was not. Every lead except me which made me very sad. I do not know why i was not even considered. I am not that bad. Yet again. + +This all happened when i was still at my boyfriend's place. I don't think he knows i was struggling with all this negative vibes happening. Still i thought i will hold my head high. I started going through my drive which the girls uploaded the pics of us. I don't normally go through it. I thought i might as well because my sister was asking for pics. So i selected some which i looked better with them. I thought i will send some good ones and some bad ones for the fun of it. The moment i send it, she replied telling me i look terrible in it. That I have put on too much weight and no one would tell this to my face. By that point, i was breaking down. I was crying hard and was feeling so much heavy in my heart. I was with my boyfriend and yet he does not know my heart was breaking with all the pain. I don't if i should blame him or I should have gone to him. May be he does not know i am struggling and i am not willing to tell him my struggles. + +So i texted my sister back, "" yup, i know"". I don't think she know i was upset. Then my second sister texted me saying i should take care of my health. Our family has diabetes genes. She was telling me the same thing. I was okay with her msging but i am very upset with the other sister for bitching about my weight. I only send pics to her. + +This all happened on Friday. At work, i did literally nothing. I could not do anything. I keep thinking about hypothetical scenarios and to wishful thinking if i could just leave everything behind. It was so much pain. + +Tomorrow is my birthday and i want to be alone..just alone. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this birthday is the thing that's making me miserable. But honestly i am not worried about getting aged. I am just tired. I know I should not expect people to come to you. But oh man I wish i could have someone who can feel me and i can open up to. I know i have people to talk. People will listen to me. But i can't open up to them. Everything is bottled up inside and i am so so stressed and sad and what not. + +I just wanted to write my miseries. Hope this helps me.",So much happened this week and i can't handle myself.,0 +405,"I was hoping someone could offer me some advice, I have been over stressed for far too long, and it has made me sick for months! My body needs a break but nothing seems to help. I have lost 70 pounds and am borderline malnourished, struggling to get by day to day. Have tried everything from exercise to therapy, and in between. Just can’t seem to relax. Any lesser known coping mechanisms, even meds to suggest would be greatly appreciated!",Stress sickness,0 +406,i have no clue what to do i’m 17 never felt like this my muscles can’t relax anymore i always twitch when i lay down how do i get better is there anything i can take,i’m so stressed for the last 6 months,0 +407,"**Hey Folks!** + +**I’m a family medicine/neuromusculoskeletal physician. I keep seeing the same thing in my clinic....upper back/neck pain and headaches! So much of this is related to stress! Im always asked how can I improve my pain without undergoing painful procedures or utilizing medications. I want to be able to help more people than I can see in my clinic so I want to put together a free video to help people start feeling better. Would anyone be interested in this?**",Stress and Neck pain? Anyone else?,0 +408,"So, I’m currently super stressed and I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to. I’ve suffered with depression for a long time and I recently got a puppy. I’ve wanted another dog for about 10 years and I thought it was a good time to get one now since I’m WFH. The puppy is about 3 months old and at around 2 months, she started throwing up. I took her to the emergency vet and found out she had an obstruction in her intestines. This meant she had to have surgery and her insurance hasn’t kicked in so I had to pay out of pocket. I had to take out a credit card to pay the 7K bill. She came home and was doing really well. Then 2 days ago she started throwing up again. She threw up around 6 times. I took her back to the vet and they had to run a bunch of tests again (another 1K) and it seems like a treat I gave her may have irritated her intestines again. They wanted to do more tests but I literally can not afford it. I spoke to the vet about it as none of this can be covered by insurance. The vet gave her an anti nausea medication and sent us home to observe her. She ate and hasn’t vomited but I’m still nervous about it all. I really got the dog in hopes that it would also help with my depression but it’s becoming worse due to all of this…I feel helpless and I can’t afford to take her back to the vet…",No one to talk to,0 +409,I'm 21 years old and I recently enrolled in college I ended up choosing a really hard course. My parents were paying for it but i still failed them and i had no choice but to drop the course. I went to go drop it today however on the way out I got into a fender bender which will be my second accident this year and i'm still on my parents insurance. I'm such a colossal fuckup and I don't know what I can do to repair this situation. I'm going to go get a job soon so the finical strain wont be too hard but I just cant believe how much ive ruined my parents trust they placed in me. The worst part is its all my fault I just cant believe how easy it is to ruin trust and respect and how hard it is to earn it back. I feel paralyzed I cant calm down and this is ontop of the fact that I have anxiety over searching for a job. I threw up due to how stressed I was. I feel like I cant talk to anyone but strangers about how bad i feel right now. I just have no idea how to be ok.,I feel like im about to implode from stress,0 +410,"Hi all, I thought this would be a good place to ask. + +Sometimes its best for my stress and anxiety to flat out block apps and websites that cause me stress. I have a very bad habit of wanting to dig things up from the past, even if they would hurt me, and often times the best way for me to combat this is to restrict myself from accessing social media. + +Right now I've been using an app called 'Freedom' which has been very useful. The issue? I've figured out how to disable it whenever I want. Knowing that at any point I could breach the restrictions I put in place just makes me super anxious. I'm able to go into the VPN settings and turn off 'connect on demand' which allows me to bypass the block. + +Does anyone know any surefire way I can block things, and not have access to them? being able to set a block on social media for 24 hours is often the best way I can get back on track with my day, and stop stressing over digging up things that would hurt me. Is self discipline my only option, or is there a better way?",Restricting stressors on devices. help!,0 +411," I (26F), am going through it tonight. Honestly? I couldn't tell if my post belonged in the anxiety or rant subreddit, but I asked myself aloud, ""How do I feel?"", and my answer was: stressed. + +So, here I am. + +Crying and bawling my eyes out. 'Why?' you might ask. Well, I'll tell you a little bit about me...I am an overweight female who has gone through shit in my 26 years of living. My childhood was basically robbed of me, mainly because I witnessed fights and screaming matches between family members and a near divorce with the parentals. I was also bullied majority of my early childhood all the way through middle school. After all of this happened (and there was a lot more than that), I felt like I was forced to grow up and basically chose 'flight mode' to save myself. + +What I mean by that is, closing myself off. Staying in my room and coming out when I absolutely have to. I have a fear of being rejected, and being a failure. I am afraid of being yelled at for doing something wrong and I have a fear of getting into trouble and being reprimanded. + +I still live with my parents and I have no job because of just basically, being socially anxious. I stutter around people I don't know and that makes me even more anxious and self-conscious. I forget things easily and that in turn, furthers my fear of being incapable of a job. On top of that, I have trouble sleeping at night because thoughts run through my head a million times a second. Because of this, I wake up late almost everyday (at 11am). + +Just tonight, my mom basically dumped a, 'we need to talk' case on me and already I felt my blood run cold. She's talking to me but all I hear is my heart thumping in my ears. She tells me I need to work on waking up early because the rest of the world wakes up early like ""adults"". I felt very offended by that and told her that it's not my fault that I can't sleep properly at night. I, in fact, tell this to her everyday, so it's not old news. Yet, when I did remind her of this, she basically sighed and almost wanted to roll her eyes. Then she tells me I need a week to just 'work on myself' to fix that and realistically, thats not how that works but I didn't say anything. + +Then she tells me I need to find a job. Something that pays and that 70% of the world gets up and does a 9 to 5 job which I already knew. Now, I was starting think she thinks I'm lazy or something when it's absolutely not the case. + +Truth is, I have been getting together with my younger sister who is an artist on doing freelance stuff that we are both interested in doing. We have been talking about it little by little. I told my mom this and she didn't seem to believe me, basically looking at me with an expression of, ""Ohhh really like what"". + +So she asks, ""Okay, what have y'all worked on today?"" of all things she asks on the day me and my younger sister decide to take at least the day off from planning. I said, ""Well, we are taking a break today but I designed some stuff for xx and sended it to her and she reformatted and polished it up."" my mom seemed to deflate in a way that said, 'That was it?' + +Not gonna lie, it made me feel bad and then she went into a repeated 5 minute lecture on how we need to wake up earlier and start the day like adults. Meanwhile I'm here depressed, stressed and just over it at this point. Over the fact that she just doesn't understand at all. She says, 'I know you can do it. I know that.' + +But does she really? Anytime I do, 'do it', she seemes to be unsatisfied and that pushes me a million steps back. + +I get upset and after we finish talking, I go to my room to sleep (11pm at this point) and I just start bawling at how useless I felt and the whole, 'why is my life like this'. + +It took so much in me not to burst into tears in front of her but man my throat was tighrening so bad it hurt that I couldn't speak for a good few seconds. + +I don't know, I guess I just need some advice on the situation? Anytime I'm in this position my stress literally goes through the roof and I don't know how to manage it (like the need to runaway, disappear or worse). I really do want to work, I want to recieve a paycheck and get my own place and my own car and things, but why am I always on flight mode all the time?",My mind & body choses flight instead of fight.,0 +412,I noticed an uptick in my anxiety/stress around mid-September this year. I think SAD is region specific so I'm on the east coast of the US for reference.,Anyone else getting SAD earlier this year?,0 +413,Take 15 minutes to soothe the stress and anxiety from your day. A [guided meditation](https://youtu.be/sLIfnYWj8rU) to help calm and balance your mind.,Simple Stress Relief Meditation,0 +414,"I’m a senior in high school and I get out early to work at four separate jobs a week. I don’t have many study halls and I’m really stressed on school work and learning on how to drive. I haven’t been able to do any of the stuff I like to do since I don’t have much time to do it. I’m also working on a personal project on my own subreddit that I haven’t felt motivated to do so. By this point I have trouble sleeping, and things like my brothers alarm clock or any loud noises in the mornings really stress me out a lot. I just don’t know what to do.",I need help,0 +415,I have people in my life I can talk to but they're all busy and I don't want to burden then more. My counselor is also really hard to get a hold of. I just feel burnt out beyond belief.,I feel so stressed and alone.,0 +416,"I’m on iOS, love the idea of things like guided deep breaths, etc. + +On the edge of investing into an app like Calm.",Anyone have a good apps that guide how to de-stress and relax?,0 +417,"i recently hit a mirror and my artery broke, so stressed but cant do anything that raises my blood pressure, would it be safe to jack off? i have stitches in my right upper wrist btw + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/ydbges)",stitches and masterbating,0 +418,"I recently lost my apartment due to flooding. I managed to claim from insurance for the (ongoing) restoration works but the whole thing has been so traumatising just going back to the neighbourhood makes my heart sink. I've only bought this apartment 1.5 years ago and it has been endless repairs, plumbing issues and water damage and I really don't want to live there anymore. But it's so hard to rent another place. My parents are completely unsympathetic and won't let me move back with them. I am staying at a hotel for the time being. I have chronic illness and a handful of health issues and this whole thing has aged me 20 years I could see it in the mirror. I have an important interview today but I'm so stressed out I couldn't sleep a wink last night. To top it off I am on the second day of my period. Please any word to help me relax a little would be greatly appreciated.",Got important interview but so stressed due to losing home,0 +419,"Hello, + +I noticed everytime I am stressed or thinking I destroy my finder skins by either eating with my teeth (should be fix in a few as I have to get Invasilign for teeth alignment) but also with my other hands fingers. + +Do you have any good workaround or ideas to get over this bad habits? My fingers look so bad I feel very shame! + +Thank you :)",how to stop eating fingers skin,0 +420,"A friend of mine said that after the pandemic, he's started to budget a lot less to spend more money on travelling. His belief is, what's the point of saving if we all die! Funnily enough, before the pandemic, he was a cheapskate always saving and thinking long-term. Interesting to see him have changed this much. + +A part of me agrees, and of course, disagrees. For me, I have started to find different things important that weren't so before, going out for dinner with friends, and prioritising experiences over materialistic goods. Crazy to think that 2 years went by in our lives that we'll never get back and how it changed our lives and will most likely impact how we think about how we spend our money and manage it forever in the future. + +How did the pandemic change how you think of your personal finances?",How did the pandemic change your beliefs?,0 +421,"I'm new to the higher stress levels, but over the past week or so I've had somewhat digestive issues. Nothing like some stories, but a mild left bottom abdomen ache that comes and goes. + +For anyone dealing with stress, have you had bad digestive issues? What did you do to get better? + +I'm personally taking a week off of everything to reset.",Stress Induced IBS?,0 +422,I'm starting a new job next week. I've been looking into certification programs cuz I wanna get back into school or one of these programs and get a certification so I can get a better job. I have went from one job to another recently but I just keep stressing about where I'll end up in life. I know I can't change the past but I can shape my future by looking into things now. I'm 33 and I just feel I should be in a better place but I know everyone goes through different things so I'm trying to think positive as much as I can but I can't help but stress about this at times,Stressing about where I'll end up in life,0 +423,Hello people of Reddit I am a 16 year old female and I live with my grand mother she is sweet and took me in when my mother couldn’t anymore. I when into a job and I start training today but everything I heard of her seem that if I get a job I might lose everything that she been working on. She say I just need to force on school but I want to work like my friends and work hard for my money. I’m wondering if I should just quit. Because I’m sick of hearing it. It seem like anything I want to do I get told the bad part but never the best part of it. What should I do?,My new job.,0 +424,Hi - I'm looking to try new things to help manage stress - any ideas?,What are your favorite stress management techniques?,0 +425,"I'm so unbelievably fucking stressed out and want to vent right now since I can't scream and punch things + +I've never been so fucking financially and emotionally stressed out in my fucking life + +-Stuck on a night shift working 10 hours a day for pay way under what I deserve for my experience and schooling + +-2k in credit card debt due to stupid fucking bullshit coming out of nowhere and having to shell out money for it + +-used up most of my TFSA because of stupid fucking covid hitting literally the same month of buying my first ever home and losing my good paying job due to the company using covid as a scapegoat and ""selling the company"" when in reality, the assholes fired all but 8 people and kept operations open + +-girlfriend (should be fiancé but can't even spare 500 bucks for a decent engagement ring right now) is stuck in workers comp hell because of a work injury. They didn't send her any fucking money for months then sent her a big lump sum of money, and now a month later claim they overpaid her a grand and she has to pay it back, leaving me to cover the house payments until she can afford to help again. Seriously, WCB is a fucking joke with a bunch of dumbass monkeys working for them. + +- stuck with a shitty car that has way too many problems for being bought brand new in 2018 and the dealership is just as shitty as WCB and actively try to fuck me over (as all dealerships do) + +My goddamn hair is turning white and I'm so full of just pure rage most of the time now that I get frequent migraines. + +Anyone else want to just explode and go fucking crazy on a punching bag for hours straight all the time or is it just me? + +I know I should probably find a therapist, but even finding a family doctor right now has been a nightmare since I can't afford to fucking miss work and my old doctor left the damn province. + +At least it felt good to type this shit out and silently scream through this flurry of text. + +Rage with me if you want",Hair turning white,0 +426,"Ayo so I used be able hear it when I was 15-16, but can't now, I think it's cuz I had really bad infection in both ears (17, they both bled and scabbed up a bit cuz I was get rid of the hardened wax, pain of intensity I never wish to feel again) + +Is there any way to get natural hearing back without hearing external shit like hearing aids? I know I don't need them now but for future reference and in case I can start early on it.","19 years old, can't the mosquito alarm",0 +427,"IDK - just venting here. + +I manage a software technician/support team, it's stressful on the best of days and I work 50+ hours a week. Well we just lost one of our best guys, and our engineers pushed a new release of the software and as fucking *always* QA dropped the ball and it fucked production up and so caused a bunch of extra work for my team (me). + +To top it off this coincided with my phone suddenly breaking (screen stopped working, can hear calls come in but can't answer), my wife is out of town, and I'm juggling a 4 and 7 year old. + +I feel like I'm going to melt, cry, die...",Wife is out of town and I'm juggling a stressful job and two kids on my own. Fuck this is hard.,0 +428,"So I wanted to get a better grasp on this concept because there are times when I am stressed yet still maintaining a fairly healthy mindset. There are other times I *feel* less stressed out but I am not healthy and my mentality is worn down. How do you keep a clear distinction between the two when there is so much stimulation, distractions and stressors in life? I want to have a clear understanding of myself and how I function for longevity reasons. Thank you for taking the time to read my submission!",Really stressed vs. under performance,0 +429,"im so stressed im so sad i have so many physical symptoms. i just tried acupuncture and left scared it made me way more anxious. i cant catch a fucking break. im starting a new job, i feel unable to work but if i dont my life will spiral downward. what do i do 😔😔😔😔😔😔",losing my mind,0 +430,"I'm moving from Cali to Ohio. 2400+ miles and I've JUST enough to rent a car, move my dog and reptile and most of my important things. + +I'm moving in with a friend who's trying to get me out of a really bad living situation. But I've not been able to save anything for this move. I quit my job, all my vacation pay I was given is going to the rental. I'm going to be lucky to have 500 dollars afterwards. Still have bills when I get out to Ohio. + +I'm already struggling mentally, which is why my friends so adamant on getting me out of my situation. So im absolutely going insane right now. I can't breathe. Can barely think. I start to think about getting the rental and I feel like I want to collapse.",In 2 days I'm literally moving across the country and I'm losing my mind,0 +431,"TL;DR: Can't sleep due to stress. Example for today is waiting on a person to send their part of a group project and it likely won't be sent until the morning but can't turn off my brain to sleep tonight because I want to finish all objective for today and then I can sleep. Need help to fix this way of thinking. + +Whenever I become stressed I either don't sleep or keep on waking up every hour roughly for a good while and then ultimately wake up in the morning absolutely exhausted. Take today for example I'm laying in bed stressed over a college assignment because I'm still waiting for one member to send his part to me so it can be added to the PowerPoint. It's due tomorrow evening and instead of just accepting I'll have to wait for it to be sent to me tomorrow morning or afternoon all I can think is ""I want to have it now so I can finish the project and then turn my brain off."" I can't turn my brain off until all objectives are done for that day. The objective was to submit this group project and since how I can't do it I've started stressing out and thus now I can't sleep. I hate that I'm like this and just want help on how to solve this flawed way of thinking.",Stress won't let me sleep properly,0 +432,"Hey everyone, something I tried during Covid to help with anxiety was ""peer-counselling"" activities: basically you join a 1:1 call with someone in a similar situation, and using a script, take turns asking each other a set of questions. The goal is not to give advice (definitely not psychotherapy advice), just to listen actively and follow the script. + +I'm looking to start doing this again. if anyone is interested, comment or DM me. I'm planning to create a Discord group if there's enough interest",Has anyone here tried peer-counselling for stress?,0 +433,"I'm in highschool now and I'm still really struggling with +my anxiety. It all started about 3rd grade I get sick a lot +and miss a lot of school and my dad would always get +very mad at me for missing school. I always would go to +my room cry, talk with my mom and repeat. I don't know +how I haven't been held back before I've missed like +weeks on end multiple years before anyway. My dad +would always tell me he wasn't disappointed with my +but he was frustrated, my dad doesn't understand +anything about mental heath at ALL. My mother who +had a decade worth of depression had to deal with him +just telling her to take her meds never comforting at all. +My mom is always there for me and really understands +me. She has gone through everything I've gone +through. My Question to everyone on here is am la +failure and am I not tough because I really try but in the +end I get sick really stressed out and the cycle repeats.",Stress/anxiety Story,0 +434,"I know stress can cause a lack of appetite, but can it cause hunger signals to disappear entirely? + +I have been dealing with an extremely stressful situation lately (on a waiting list for therapy atm). The stress has been making me feel I’ll (mostly low energy, sore/achy, headaches and stomach pain). + +I’m used to losing my appetite when stressed or grieving, but with this situation I haven’t even been feeling hungry. Like, I’ll go straight from fine to “my stomach hurts and is growling from being empty” with no warning. At the point when my stomach starts hurting, I force myself to eat something but it is difficult since my appetite is gone so nothing sounds good and it seems counterintuitive to eat when I feel nauseous. When I am able to eat, it is much less than I normally would. + +Is this a normal stress thing, and how can I deal with this without making myself sicker or ending up with an ulcer?",Can stress cause missing hunger cues?,0 +435,"Aches, pains, sharp discomforts, chest pains, palpatations, anxiety, sore muscles, head filled with stress, body just defeated. + +I'm so bad off right now. I just started a new job which I am sure is contributing to stress levels. The job will give me insurance starting next month so I can't even see a doctor yet. I am hurting SO BAD. Does anyone have any advice at all. I am just so defeated right now.",extreme stress,0 +436,"I'm currently going to a physio for knee pain, I also have constant muscle tension in my back. I don't sleep well, work early hours of the morning. I don't know, the physio helps a little bit (and I do a few things for my back as well) but I sort of feel like I may be pushing it uphill as long as I have stress and anxiety. Any tips?",Does Having A Constant Level Of Stress Negate The Effects Of Physical Therapy?,0 +437,"I (20s/F) have everything I could possibly want. I have a house in a nice area, an amazing fiancé that I can’t wait to start a family with, a well paying job… but I feel like I’ve been going insane. + +I’m sleep deprived, can’t take care of myself, can’t be there for my family, fiancé, take care of my house, still wish my fiancé would’ve wanted to elope because I have hated wedding planning cause of my stress and anxiety, and just feel like I’m failing no matter how hard I try. + +I’ve been in this line of work for a few years now, and I have awful anxiety about it, and sometimes it just feels like nothing is worth it …and now that I even have the things I wanted in life, I still don’t want to be here. + +I dual majored in engineering and have worked in the auto industry since I was 18. Due to graduating right when covid hit, I lost all my interview for dream positions, and somehow ended up in supervisor/operations roles at plants. I am extremely thankful for the experience I’ve gotten (I genuinely believe I can do anything after this) and now am doing it with the company I wanted to work for and am on a good shift now instead of night shift. I work my butt off, always have… cause I feel like I’m this industry if I’m not the best I’ll be considered the “bimbo female hire”. I have a lot of support from higher ups and constantly get told I’ll be able to move onto a more technical role outside of the plants sooner than late so it feels like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. However, some days it feels like it’s never going to end… 60+ hour weeks, constant overtime, you receive crap from hourly and the salary above you, pretty hostile work environment, the building should be condemned how nasty and unsanitary it is… you name it. Half the stuff that’s said or done would be HR fireable offenses at the offices. You just become just as crappy if you’re there long enough too. I have constant breakdowns and then feel guilty for feeling that way. I just feel hopeless. Seeing my coworkers getting stuck/held back is adding major fuel to the fire as well. + +Sorry about how ranty this is. Can’t really get my thoughts straight.",Everything in life is great except my stressful line of work making me feel like it’s better to just end it,0 +438,[youtube.com/watch?v=HNA5OV1-hW0](https://youtube.com/watch?v=HNA5OV1-hW0),Introduction to a set of release techniques which proved to be a great asset in fighting with stress,0 +439,"I just recently noticed I get more stomach cramps and (tmi) flatulence/ pooping when I am more stressed. Is my food not digesting / digesting too quickly? I don’t know if it’s got something to do with the digestive system revving up when I’m stressed. +It’s not a good time because it doesn’t help in my ED recovery. If I feel bloated it’s just shit. +Anyone else?",IBS flare up when going through stress?,0 +440,"Yeah so basically I can’t go to the doctor yet and this thing keeps happening where my heart is beating fast and/or hard. It’s hard to explain but it’s really freaking me out which makes me worry (because of course, that’s my fucking heart) and I feel like I end up in this cycle and I can’t stop it. + +It used to happen once in a while but now it seems to be my premier stress symptom. I can’t fall asleep because of it, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because of it (stressed while I sleep?! There is no god). I feel like I’m always a little out of breath, and like… I have shit to do. I need a solution today. I can’t be waiting on Medicaid anymore. + +Sorry if I seem aggressive, I’m just really frustrated because I’ve been turning my life around and instead of feeling less stressed, I feel more stressed. I quit smoking almost 6 months ago, I finally moved out of a shitty small town, I’m eating healthy and drinking water consistently, I ended a relationship that wasn’t good and even after all of that, I feel like I’m being ‘rewarded’ with more severe symptoms of stress and I’m just tired of it. + +If this is what life is like, I want out because this just fucking sucks.",Heart Rate and Stress,0 +441,,Feeling Stressed?,0 +442,"I'm not talking about just having doubt, I'm talking about you don't know how you got where you are. If you're in school, you don't understand anything that's being said, and can't call on the information you've learned so you want to drop out, you failure. If you're working, you screw up a job you've been doing for years and you can't explain yourself. I'm talking you did that thing for your SO they said they wanted you to do so badly and got a negative reaction even when you did it just like they said. You are a sports genius and you wanna kick the ball like you kick balls professionally, but then you stumble out there like you've never had legs before and fall over like a newborn baby in front of fans, critics, and familiars. + +What do you do? I don't just want to give up for the day and go to bed, but I'm feeling like a fool and the imposter syndrome is strong today.",What Do You Do for No Confidence Days?,0 +443,"I just started to break out with a rash on my head and now my ankles? Super weird. Has anyone experienced this before? What can I do? + + +I have gone through what feels like torture in the last few months. If you care to read further this is my dealio... + + +-My brothers addiction and homelessness is at an all time shit storm. I am his only family member support 5+ years(everyone else lives 5000km away) + +-was fired 2 months ago (first time fired) hated the job, so whatevs but it was humiliating none the less + +-dumped by my now ex, I genuinely cared for, it was a lovely relationship. Was single 4 years prior and I thought I finally found something real and long term + +-started a new job. Love it so it's just happy stress + +-enrolled in upgrading so I can return to school next fall. Freaking out because I don't want to leave town for the 2 year program. + +-just lonely. To a depth I cannot explain, it's something you must have experienced yourself because I never could imagine this myself. + + + +Guys. What the hell? +I must say I do have much to be greatful so it's not all doom and gloom. (Healthy, amazing friends and fam, home owner, safe etc) + + +I feel the weight of the world on me and I think I'm going to loose it tonight","Stress rash, so unbelievably exhausted. help",0 +444,Has anyone here had lifelong chronic stress followed by peace which led to severe depression?,Chronic lifelong stress to severe depression,0 +445," Our Personalized Trial for Stress Management will provide eligible participants with a Fitbit and guided mindfulness meditation, yoga, and brisk walking for easy in-home monitoring and health tracking. + +This study will last 18 weeks, and participants will have the opportunity to win a weekly lottery pending their adherence to study procedures.   + +To learn more about and check eligibility for this study you can visit our website: [https://www.personalizedhealth.org/](https://www.personalizedhealth.org/fatigue)stress + +Questions? Contact us: +[personalizedtrials@northwell.edu](mailto:personalizedtrials@northwell.edu) +646-995-8958",Do you experience stress?,0 +446,"So recently been doing some research for a new blog post on my website. It's about if better stress management can help lose weight or not. It's pretty interesting I think because if you know about the stress hormone cortisol which is released as a response to stress and other stress hormones being released you will know that it also affects other hormones such as adiponectin, leptin and insulin. + + +I will not go into too much detail about it here but for anybody that is interested here is my new post; +[https://dynamicideas4life.com/can-stress-relief-help-with-fat-loss/](https://dynamicideas4life.com/can-stress-relief-help-with-fat-loss/)",Can Stress Relief Help With Weight Loss?,0 +447,"Hey, + +Ive had panic attacs for the last 2 years and ive recently found out when writing my stressors what the reason was of them. Now writing the down they reduced by a whole 100%. Cheez these hyperventilations,chest pain,heart palpitations where no fun.",Im convinced I might die,0 +448,"I have these small random stress attacks after an extremely stressful time of my life (1-2 years). + +I think these are caused by random triggers and I do not know how to solve them.",Random Stress Attacks after Recovering from Stressful Periods,0 +449,"I feel like everything I’m going through started when I went to my nephrologist and learned that my kidney function is lowering and my bp has raised. He put me on losartan 25 mg and I feel as if it’s ruining my whole life. At first it was the headaches, everyday I would get one. Then the tinnitus came and now I had ringing in my ears. Then after that I noticed my vision felt weird (I would mess up reading) and I got a bunch of floaters, I went to the eye doctor and she said that my eyes were fine. Then I started feeling very stupid like I couldn’t understand anything. It’s like everything I would hear would go in one ear and out the other. When reading questions in a test I would have to re-read multiple times to actually understand it. I was already stressed with my health issues and taking almost all AP classes has made it many times worse. I want to try the best I can but I just don’t feel like trying anymore. I’ve always wanted to be the best and I’ve always been “Smart” but now I feel so slow and I can’t focus. I don’t want to disappoint my parents but I don’t think I can do this. Am I just imagining everything or is something really wrong? I’m only 16 and I feel like I’m already losing my future because of this.",I need motivation or something to keep going,0 +450,"Humming is a good way to relive someone else’s stress, it induces calmness and reduces stress, it enhances sleep as well, it also causes the production of powerful Neurochemicals such as oxytocin, the “love” chemical, this was learnt from a google search that I did because I noticed the person I care about seemed more relaxed when i hummed to him in his sleep",Humming,0 +451, [https://youtu.be/KFh03FzX\_js](https://youtu.be/KFh03FzX_js),Stress reduction..,0 +452,"Today was a bad day. Driving on a highway. Being cautious. Very cautious. +2 lane road. With my child. Trying to overtake a semi. He speeds up. I slow down and he slowed down tooo. Passing lane ending. I sped up again. He speeds up too. Almost got hit head on, and side swiped from truck. He blares his horn . I am shaking. I manage to calm down eventually. It has been 8 hours since incident. I an still shakey. Advice please. There was nothing i dont know how to prevent this.",Almost died today,0 +453,"How long does it take inflammation in the body to dissipate after reducing Cortisol, following a period of chronic stress?",Chronic stress recovery from inflammation time frame?,0 +454," + +Take a [mental vacation](https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/classes/create-a-peaceful-inner-refuge) to a beautiful place of peace and safety, where you can rest and recharge using this relaxing sleep meditation.",Create a Peaceful Inner Refuge to combat stress!,0 +455,"[https://youtu.be/qG1BgsFJPdo](https://youtu.be/qG1BgsFJPdo) + +The simplest, easiest, most fundamental element to lowering stress and achieving good health can be found in the video above.",Lowering Stress with Optimal Breathing,0 +456," + +She’s so stressed because of her dad and studies. + +w/ Dad: + +My girlfriend's family is in incredible debt right now because of her dad, they own a small store that sells daily needs. Her dad drinks EVERY NIGHT and he gets the alcohol they drink from their store, and expects her mother to pay for the alcohol. Her dad also loans a shit ton of money from loaning centers. + +w/ studies: + +She's in her 3rd year of college right now and apparently in one of her subjects, they only have 2 exams per semester and she's failed both of those exams, last Tuesday was the second and it's been fucking her up so much. She did an assignment, a plate (cause she's in engineering), she asked from another block what the problem was 3 days ago, but she found out this afternoon from her classmate that the professor changed one detail in the problem that would change the ENTIRE equation, she couldn't pass it in time. + +I'm talking to her now but I don't know what to say anymore, I've said everything that I could. + +Any advice would help.","My gf keeps on saying she wants to off herself because of her situation right now, what do I say?",0 +457,"Hi all. + +I’ve just started my first job out of uni in a very high stress field with strict timelines (m&a). I’ve noticed that when I send out emails, I overthink and stress over every little bit (aka am I spelling names correctly, does it make sense) to the point I’m wasting time. When I do send out ‘wrong’ emails (aka it double sent or some wires were crossed) I freak out and get way too much adrenaline - I feel like I’ll puke and I get very warm. I know I won’t lose my job over this but I can’t help but overthink. It’s literally to the point that I’m wondering whether this is the right field for me even though I really do like my job. Are there some techniques I can undertake to manage this? Or will it just take time?",Getting stressed over emails and minor mistakes,0 +458,"I spoke to my GP about my SH, and she did a test thing for depression, anxiety and stress and it came back as moderate for depression, severe for anxiety and extremely severe for stress. + +She prescribed me an antidepressant - fluvoxamine - while we sort out a mental health plan and psychologist. + +Has anyone been on it? Do you have any advice? + +TIA",Fluvoxamine,0 +459,"It’s one of those day(s) where it feels like an anomaly. All day today, at work, I have been making mistakes left and right and scrambling to fix them as fast as possible. + +On top of that I am having the worst time understanding people as in just misinterpreting what people are saying and being confused with others’ communication. + +It’s making me feel so pent up and anxious and I don’t know what to do with all of this negative energy and anxiety. It feels like my body is going to explode and scatter everywhere. I just want it to end. Get whatever this is over and go back to normal.",Having a bad day(s),0 +460,"Do you all agree that stress is mostly created by the people around us? + +I had this one job that was not really that important but people were constantly bugging me but I have new job where I have to make split important decisions but people are very chill and my stress has gotten better.",Stress is mostly created by the people around us,0 +461," [Invite](https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/classes/meditation-to-love-your-body) an attitude of friendliness and gratitude towards your body, so you can accept and enjoy it just as it is.",Learn to love your body!,0 +462,,Any Advice for Helping with Stress Headaches?,0 +463,"I agree I'm overthinking and an introvert. But I just do that because I just want to be on the right track and not make mistakes and then later regret. I'm learning that overthinking and worrying so much just leads to more stress and it actually destroys our mindset to achieve the goals that we set. It just leads to more misery because we feel more lost and confused and overwhelmed. + + +I'm actually enrolled in community college but I keep doubting my major and everyone seems to be going for higher education and certification. Everyone seems to be going for big money and comfort but I guess it's more about having stability future and growth. I feel lost too like I don't know what to do. I heard technology and business and law or stem are all good majors to get into. But me being now 26 and wasting like 5 years of my life. Feels as if I'm getting pressure to finish college so I can get a good job. I don't know",why does overthinking and worrying so much destroy our goals?,0 +464,"The first step in[stress management](https://deetsforyou.com/feeling-tense-here-are-some-solutions-to-reduce-stress/) is to recognize the signs of stress. However, recognizing stress signs may be more difficult than you believe. Most of us are so used to being stressed that we don’t realize we’re stressed until we’ve reached our breaking point.",Feeling Tense | Here Are Some Solutions To Reduce Stress,0 +465,We had a chemistry quiz today. It isn’t that important since it won’t affect our grades in any way but i still feel bad about it. The quiz went kinda bad. When i talked with my classmates they told me that it was hard as well but I’m still stressed out about it because i very well know that some of the best students will get good grades. I feel worthless when I’m academically not successful because from my childhood it was the only way that i felt loved and accepted by other people but as i grow up it gets harder and harder and i keep putting 0 effort because it has always been easy for me. Or it used to be. I didn’t have to put effort to be successful but now it’s not the same. I feel like a failure and i feel so worthless. I’m scared of disappointing my chemistry teacher. She literally smiled at me when the exam was over. She’s definitely going to be disappointed. Im actually really stressed out rn.,School stresses me out,0 +466,,"I live a debauched life of drinking and smoking and whatever else is going. my friend, a vegan non drinker stresses out over tiny things he's a worrier I'm a warrior, we are the same age. Who will die first?",0 +467,"On Friday, I woke up with a fever and was tested for covid and then put in quarantine by Res Life. Luckily, I tested negative for covid but after talking to my doctor it appears I have a bad flu or some kind of viral infection. I live around 4.5 hours away from university and my dad picked me up and drove me home as soon as I had the covid scare so I wouldn't have to quarantine in the Quarantine and Isolation Housing dorm. I'm staying home for the week to recover from whatever I have and to see my doctor in person. +My professors all let me know what I'd be missing and where I can access work so I don't fall behind. It's so great to see my family again but I'm melancholy because I'm so stressed about missing school and sports practice plus my car and most of my belongings are at my school. The health center, res life, and the dean's office all know the situation but I'm worried that me missing class will come back to bite me when I return to school. College was already extremely stressful for me, especially with my busy sports schedule where I practice 3 nights in a row from 11 pm-12:30 am. +Is there any advice or coping mechanisms you can give me to help me get over this stress? + + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +Also, for reference, I'm a freshman (18 male) and I have a private dorm so I don't have a roommate but my dorm has hallway shared bathrooms, showers, laundry rooms, etc.",Missing a week of college due to illness,0 +468,"Hi guys, just want to leave here my wife's new video on some things that help her to be happy and might help you to be too. +So please always be kind and I hope it helps you to find new things to do or give you your own new ideas to do things that gets you there. +We were fighting depression and anxiety so it was a way to fight that so there's the reason for the video creation, and we hope you enjoy as we enjoy making it. + +[Tips to make you happier](https://youtu.be/nLIULXZ12pA)",Tips to make you happier,0 +469,"Hey everyone, I am a university student and I often have problems such as stress and not being able to focus when working. + +I found one solution for this and I wanted to share this with you, maybe it will work for you too. + +It is through listening to relaxing sounds in the background such as rain. We all know this sound and it is proven to have a calming effect on us. Here’s one channel I like, you might like it too. [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdtFV71px48CB0DOaPYTq9g](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdtFV71px48CB0DOaPYTq9g) + +Have a nice day :)","I have a lot of stress problems, here’s the solution",0 +470,"I have seen a video named Stress is killing you by motivation 2 study + +but the idea is how you can change your thoughts",Changing Thoughts may cure anxiety and save your life,0 +471,"I am a teacher (23 years), and this is a new phenomenon for me. At the end of the day, I literally can’t think. It’s happened in class and during a meeting I was leading this week. I know I am under a lot of stress- we are in FL and school was closed for the hurricane for a few days. The meeting was on Tuesday afternoon when we had already been told school was closing. Today at the end of the day, I felt so overwhelmed that I literally had to ask a student what his last name was for the office. + +Is this just regular stress or special hurricane related stress?",End of work day brain stops working,0 +472,"Hey guys! + +These past 2 months have been very exhausting for me because I've been having gastrointestinal problems that just don't go away. I went to 2 different doctors and they give me medication and it's 80% ok while I take it but when I come off of them the symptoms appear again. I have stomach acid and I had some gallbladder problems, now I think I've developed IBS. I'm planning to go see a doctor again next week. + +I am really stressed and I feel burned-out because I do everything right and they don't want to go away. + +My hope is that it will get better after I move out for college on Sunday but that may not fix it, and there is a chance it will be worse. + +How do you handle stress? Have you had health problems that just didn't go away that easly? What did you do? What helped you?",Gastrointestinal problems that don't go away,0 +473,"Puss on throat from stress / anxiety?? Anyone else?? + +Every so often when I’m stressing a lot I get a sore throat and puss growing. It’s not strep. +Just wondering if this happens to anyone else?? + +It’s really gross but sometimes I can stop it from happening if I feel a sore throat coming i calm myself down. + +It just happened again for the first time in a few years. + +It’s usually followed by a fever like full on sick.",Puss on throat from stress / anxiety..anyone else experience this?,0 +474,"I'm new here, not diagnosed with any type of stress disorder. + +Long story short; I'm a 26 y/o female, in a happy relationship, enjoy my studies at uni and my student job. I have friends (not a lot, but I'm an introvert so that fits me) and a loving family. At the same time I have a few diagnosis - an eating disorder, OCD and borderline personality disorder. All of them something I've gotten treatment for, and I have under control. + +The reason for this post is new. Since my summer vacation ended a month ago, I've had this problem. Every time I sit down to do some studying I start crying. I can't concentrate and the more time passes, the farther behind I get. I have a hard time getting started with any task - studying, cleaning, getting to classes, being intimate with my partner, anything. Just writing these few lines have taking me half an hour to start, half an hour to write. + +My question for you guys is; Should I see my doctor about this? Or is this just a part of life, and not even a real problem? I don't feel like talking to the people around me about this, I don't want to worry them if I just need to get myself together... + +Hope to get some oppinions!",Should I see my doctor?,0 +475,"I can't communicate. My brain is fried. + +It's a little easier writing then speaking. + +I'm pronouncing words wrong. + +I am mostly communicating with my mom and she is so hard to talk to she cuts you off, gets upset if you dont agree and then never understands and so maybe I'm just so incredibly stressed because my subconscious is already expecting something strainous with communicating with her. + +Shes also over communicating like, I'm not getting any continuous space of silence from communication for a good period of time any day of the week. + +Which is not her fault but she does keep telling me things that are unnecessary like how she is going to go pick up the dog poop. I dont need a play by play of every single minor action. + +I need my brain to function a little better. + +But the forgetting what I am completely saying mid sentence do I have something wrong with my brain. + +Or is it stress?","I'm forgetting what I am COMPLETELY talking about mid sentence. I don't drink, I don't do drugs. I'm completely forgetting what I am talking about. Everything irritates me. I don't want to form sentences. I'm exhausted but I'm not talking physically. I just don't want to open my mouth at all.",0 +476,"I’ve been putting it to the side thinking it’s not that serious and that i’ll be fine eventually. + +Well, for the past couple days everything is making me extremely angry and I never cry but I keep crying when I get too angry and then I feel sad. I haven’t dealt with sad feelings like this since I was a teenager. I know it’s stress causing it. I constantly feel a lump in my throat. It’s so scary because I thought I knew how to regulate my feelings. I mean at least I did for years. + +I want to just run away and hide alone and never see anyone again because i’m so frustrated. I need some tips on how to healthily deal with this before it’s too late. Thanks in advance :) + +Side note: I never take it out on anyone or anything like that. I’m scared I will snap someday and do that. That’s how my dad acts and I hate people who are like that and I really don’t want to be one of them.",How to stop getting angry and cope healthily?,0 +477,"Stress has been linked to all sorts of serious health issues, from insomnia to high blood pressure, obesity and even heart disease. But it’s generally acknowledged that some stress can also be helpful, like when someone’s chasing a work deadline. + +[But what if some level of stress can actually protect the body?](https://www.newswise.com/articles/what-if-some-stress-actually-protects-your-body) + +A new study by researchers at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, with findings published Sept. 26 in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, suggests the immune system may benefit from a measure of stress. + +“This one of the few studies showing that chronic stress could have beneficial effect instead of negative effect,” said senior author Fabio Cominelli, professor of medicine and pathology and associate dean for program development at the School of Medicine. “This was a little bit of a surprise for us.”",What if Some Stress Actually Protects Your Body?,0 +478,"Does anyone know the best ways to relieve stress that aren’t google search results? +(I.e: I don’t want to hear about exercise, eat healthy etc)",Stress relief,0 +479,"So I've been working now with a team of researchers to understand stress better. if you are 18+ and live in the US, please [check this link out.](https://tccolumbia.qualtrics.com/jfe1/form/SV_9uegPGUPSNcOcfQ) + +The study aside, it would be need to collect some resources here to cope with anxiety and stress. I really liked this [CPG grey vide](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAhsXyO3Ck&ab_channel=CGPGrey)o that came out i the pandemic as it relates to mental and physical health",Stress and coping,0 +480,"I'm a highschool student, I live with my parents (not 18) +Average at math, good at science, biology is favourite. + +I've got friends, I've got supportive family, I've never been bullied. But the moment I think of school my anxiety and stress touches sky and I feel like I am not capable of anything. I feel like the social life or the social media ""swag"" is what makes me feel down, feeling like I'm no match for... Someone. Yes I'm stupid af. + +I stress way too much about school-""going to school"", ""am I looking good ENOUGH"" +I compare myself to i don't know what, the cool kids? nah I'm pretty friendly with them + +The backbenchers and class clowns? Nope, they're all chill with me and always talk with me. + +The big question here is what exactly I stress about and why.",can't handle anything,0 +481,"I'm already spread thin and stressed to the max. My husband is out of town for two weeks for family reasons and I feel overwhelmed with everything. We also haven't been apart for more than a few days in 9 years. + +The last few says have been especially rough. I've been having to drive home in the middle of the day to let our dog out and and give her meds. We have opposite schedules so he usually does those things before he goes to work. I don't always find parking again when I get back from taking care of her either. We adopted another dog right before he left too which I was hesitant to do. In just 3 days he's already needed to go to the vet twice. Once to look at his neuter incision and again later this week for what appears to be allergies or a virus. We have another dog who's been with us since before we got married. She's undergoing chemo treatment but is doing well. I worry about her catching something if he's sick. I've been sleeping on the couch the past few nights to keep him apart from her because she sleeps in our bedroom and he doesn't need to be jumping on the bed. He also wakes himself and me up multiple times a night because of his stuffy nose. On top of all that, I ran over a bunch of nails in the road and of course one got into my tire. I'm also struggling with school right now. + +I'm stressed and frustrated all around. My husband left to his dad's home country to bury him and spend two weeks with his family there. I'm glad he was able to go, but I feel bad that part of me is upset with him about leaving this long. I took on all the responsibilities we share plus extra so he could go. He hasn't even been gone a week yet. I don't know how I'm going to keep everything up until he gets back. My stress management techniques are poor. Other than sleeping, there's nothing that helps me alleviate stress.",Everything has fallen on me and I'm stressed out,0 +482,"I'm an highly stressed person and when i have a hard week, i tend to +1. Tell myself i'm not good enough and that I should do things quicker +2. Drink at least once in à week +3. Do unhealthy behavior when drunk then regretting it + +I'm drinking enough to lose sight of space and time for two hours. + +I'm healthy, i'm only eating meals that I Cook with non transformated ingredients and i'm fit (i run and i go to the gym 3 times à week). I love school and what i do, but there's a lot of pressure because we have classes even on saturday. + +I can't really talk to anyone about this. I tried méditation for a month, but while i was on vacation so it was easier. And i won't talk about it to my family because when i had anxiety attack : +- my dad didn't take me seriously and said i was à crybaby and i was overly dramatic +- my mother has zero reaction or find à way to talk about herself to say in à more subtile way i'm à crybaby and that she had it harder than me. + +Do you have any recommandation? I won't Try again positive affirmations because it didn't work in the past.",Alcohol and other unealthy behavior when i deal with stress,0 +483,"I'm not dieting but my weight is dropping drastically. I feel like I'm maxed out. My eye is twitching, I feel like I could puke at any second. I'm so stressed.",How bad does stress have to be that I've lost 10 lbs in 2.5 weeks?,0 +484,"I hope I'm not on the wrong subreddit for this question. + +Kind of talking about like the quote, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' or something like that. + +I'm not sure, but I feel like I don't cope with stress too well. I can manage to study for long hours without tears or anything, but that is in the past. I feel like these days I'm feeling the pressure. + +I have a feeling that if I fail a question or something like that I just start to contemplate my life even after the exam. Even like I would get on the verge of tears if I didn't know something. Like if I fail the exam, I don't have good grades, then I don't go to a good university, then I don't get a job or either I get a job with little pay, people make fun of me, etc. + +Honestly makes me feel anxious, but even if I have coping techniques sometimes I still really wish I could just put myself into extremely stressful environments. But not like life-threatening events, I just want to put myself under immense, crippling stress when I do everyday basic things (like practicing an exam paper, or cleaning within a time limit). + +Sometimes I feel that its necessary for me to just stress myself out 24/7, then after that I'll develop a good stress tolerance or something like that. I just really wished I were one of those people who are extremely good at managing stress, and never shed a tear in a very long time (and I mean, years). + +To be honest, I know its sounds like I'm really self-sabotaging, but no matter how much I really want to pressure myself to the extremes, I have a feeling it probably isn't right for me. But then again, there's people around me (especially on the internet) who study for hours, or work for many hours, and probably do well under pressure. + +Just hope someone would answer this question for me.","Is it shown that being exposed to extreme stress levels frequently, builds higher stress tolerance levels?",0 +485,"My business got sealed. I have lost alot of money. It is not something I cant live without. I am rich but, nobody likes losing money. I am more angry then stressed. Fuck my country.",I'm fucked and I am angry as fuck.,0 +486,"I'm currently in the half way mark of the play, the break. I'm forcing myself to breathe, I'm shaking, I'm absolutely stressed out of my mind. The the lights in the theatre and the odd way people talk and move unsettles me deeply, I don't understand why. This has happened every time I went to the theatre, it as always caused me immense stress and I do not understand why.",I'm at a theatre showing and I'm incredibly stressed,0 +487,"Like the post says, i just have actual tangible problems i have to deal with day in and day out. The biggest problem is everyone involved in my life is some how apart of some of the problems so there is no one i can talk to all of it about. I hope that made sense, and if not it should after I explain it. + +Ill just list them plainly +We had to dig into savings and spend 5k on car repairs + +Came home to my roomate screaming at his ex girlfriend so i got in the middle of it and told her she doesnt have to deal with him again. i had to kick him out and thought i was gunna have to fight him in a bathroom + +My wife is getting a series of MRI to see if she will need brain surgery + +I take my grandfather for serious surgery oct 7th + +My mom is taking my other grandfather to get his other leg amputated an a month in a half + +My stepdad’s business is only breaking even this year and my mom isn’t handling it well so i cant really tell her about any of my problems + +I would tell my buddy about my problems but he is having major issues +With his wife and will prob get divorced in 5 years so he isnt in a place to hear my bullshit + +I work for myself so my job is inherently stressful day in and day out. + +And now im here typing all this on reddit bc i havent slept in 2 days bc every time i go to lay down my brain does the math on bill i already know i have money for over and over again. + +TLDR i have a lot of problems cant tell anyone about and just stressed out. Its cool to ask me literally anything if anyone has actually read this. Just figuring out what to do with the extra 8 hours i get a day now. My life isnt bad and we arent homeless or addicts or anything. Just a lot of stuff outside my control i have to grind and deal with every day. I with I actually had interpersonal problems to deal with instead of this shit honestly. It would be a lot better to have heart ake right now",I have a laundry leash of problems i cant really talk to anyone about,0 +488,"I feel great in the morning. Get to work and all the stress from stupidity and absolute zero communication stresses me to the point of migraine level headaches. Now I'm laying in a dark room and my head is pounding. Ibuprofen does nothing, nor any type of headache painkiller. I escalate these issues and it falls on deaf ears. I need a headache hack.",These headaches don't go away when they come on from stress.,0 +489,"had this problem for about three months and the doctors have boiled it down to stress, i don’t know how to destress? im losing hair and have (sorry for tmi) numbness during sex because of it.. + +i cant think of a specific thing thats causing me stress and all my doctor said was to practice mindfulness, please help :(",stress is causing pelvic pain,0 +490,As in actually physically sick? I don't think I'm the only one but I kind of feel like it.,Does anyone else get sick when they are stressed?,0 +491,,What are things you do to naturally get rid of stress?,0 +492,"Hello :) + +I've made a little relaxation video, which might help you to find a little calm in the midst of chaos. + +It's actually based on Jacobson's progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) which is a scientifically based and easy-to-learn deep relaxation technique. In the video we will briefly tense one muscle group after another, followed by a relaxation phase. The interaction between physical and mental tension and thus relaxation is the focus and should help you find the relaxation you are looking for. + +I hope it helps you :) All the best + +[Progressive Muscle Relaxation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7ocXcLxprc)",Jacobson's progressive muscle relaxation video,0 +493,"I'm a mid 30's man with a somewhat stressful job and feels like I can't keep stress under control. I have high BP and just the smallest thing sends me into a spiral. I try everything, meditation, exercise (have lost 50 pounds so far), yoga, eating healthy. I go to the doctor and I get that sense of ""impending doom"" and my BP goes through the roof. I feel 100% fine in the moment, I am chill and relaxed as a cucumber, but I Think subconsciously my body is freaking out? I assume this is stress. I know white coat syndrome is real, but when I go in the dr's office it happens without fail. and of course my BP reading is high. I just wish I could control my mind LOL. My dr. did tests to see if my cortisol levels are off, and they are perfect. Bloodwork is perfect.They did MRI's of my heart, probably a half dozen other tests to check if my heart is okay, and it is. Which tells me this is likely stress related BP. I am doing so well health wise, and with the weight loss I thought I'd see more progress in stress relief, but it is still happening and my BP still spikes due to stress. It's like my body is triggered ridiculously by it, and I wish there was a magic button to fix it. Is there anything you all do that maybe I could try that I am not trying? I have googled my a$$ off trying to find the solutions, but I feel they just say to ""manage stress"" and it's not that easy for some of us. I go for 1-2 walks a day, I exercise, I eat healthy and try to avoid inflammatory foods. I have been sleeping well, at least my fitness tracker says so. I do not know what else I could possibly do but I am hoping I can find that thing that works for me. Thank you all.",Anyone figured out stress yet?,0 +494,I keep having to this feeling of impending doom. No matter what I try it always seems to flood back in. There’s always this feeling of fear and anxiousness that haunts me. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. What should I do?,impending doom,0 +495,"So these past few weeks I’ve pretty much lost control over my emotions. I’m in a constant state of confusion and stress but I also feel like a zombie. + +My job is the main source of this. It’s hard to explain but I’ll give it a go. This is a temporary job that was supposed to last from March 2021-September 2021, but it has gotten extended multiple times and now our end date is set for February 2022. I work for a company that is contracted through to state to do Covid vaccinations. Our team does only mobile clinics and I am in charge of logistics. This means I am in charge of the vaccine storage, supplies storage, supply packing, supply chain, receiving vaccine shipments, keeping inventory and such. I am the only person who does this job at our location. I am required to get each team ready and pack supplies and vaccine before the clinic and to return everything once the teams return. This schedule has been ruining my sleep. For instance, Wednesday I will finish work at 9:30pm. I will be back at work Thursday at 5:30am, but I won’t be done with work until 10pm, all to be back at work again at 5am Friday morning. I’m working 6 days a week, not getting more than 5 hours of sleep on the average. + +Oh and I’m getting married in less than 3 weeks. I’m constantly forgetting things, my performance at work is struggling and my mental state is awful. I tried to get out of a moving car on the highway the other night. I’ve cried everyday the past week. I’m angry, irrational and miserable. I’m barely eating, I’m averaging 10000 steps a day and still gaining weight. My family and my partner have begged me to take a day off. But if I take a day off it won’t actually be a day off. Nobody else knows how to do my job in total. Whenever I’ve taken off before it always means more stress when I return, or they’ll just contact me while I’m off, because they don’t know what to do especially if it’s an unplanned absence. + +I am hoping to take the entire week of my wedding off and I need to train my boss before that happens. He doesn’t know how to do my job at all and he said he is covering for my wedding. Do I follow my familys’ advice and call in sick for a day or just stick it out for the next 2 weeks and hope I don’t end up dead?","Overworked, wedding planning and not sleeping",0 +496,"Im in a city where most of my family resides, but I’m homeless because i’d rather be alone than be around negative people. + +It’s been a few months since i chose this path and I’ve been strong the entire way through it, until now. + +Just got out of a short relationship that was bit toxic for my taste. She was basing our relationship off of shall we say, physical aspects. + +I just found out on top of that, she was fucking her ex while we’ve been talking and just yesterday she told me that she believes she may be pregnant by her ex, but it’s too early to take a pregnancy test. + +So, I acted normal let the conversation flow as it would over the phone until we finished and, I could not stop thinking about what she had just told me. + +Next day i told her we should brake up, we did. She blamed everything on me. I kept my cool, explained how i felt. I was ignored. + +So, i created distance so i could heal. + + +But i’ve come to the conclusion that i don’t want to heal, i just want this to end. Ive never been more ready to end my life until today, not because of the break up, but because of everything. The condition of the world, our future, the situation with my family. Not being able to find and get a place of my own and stuck in a city i absolutely hate. + +Ive been strong, but now i just don’t give a fuck. I thought life was meant to be worth living?",I am officially broken,0 +497,"I (28F) feel overwhelmed with day-to-day work and life. On weekends, I can’t stop thinking about work and chores during the week and on weekdays I can’t stop planning for the weekend. My partner helps me out with chores and we have a system now, but I had this problem even when I was living alone. I workout almost everyday and travel to work twice a week. I don’t think my work or travel tire me out, but i feel constantly overwhelmed with all types of work. My vitals and energy levels seem to be fine. + +First half of my day is usually buy and I have early dinner everyday (7pm). After dinner is my relaxing time but I am too tired to relax and spend quality time with my partner after that. I feel like I demand too much from myself and feel bad if I miss a chore, a workout, or don’t eat meals as per my weekly plans. Oh yes, I make weekly meal and workout plans! I have been this way for as long as I know. + +It is very stressful and I just want to chill the fuck out and not be so stressed and overwhelmed about work. I want to enjoy life and not have such a regimented lifest",Overwhelmed and stressed all the time,0 +498,,Anyone feels overwhelmed with life ?,0 +499,"Hey, joined this community just now since I kinda need some life advice, from anyone. + +I've always been stressing out a lot over various things, but as of recently I started to realise that it has taken over my life in various ways. + +For example, even as of recently I was supposed to drive a group of friends to a theme park. Just a fun day, but the responsibility of driving my friends there somehow made me insanely nervous, even though I was ""calm inside"" if that makes sense. As a result I slept 0 hours in total. Melatonin didn't work, meditating did nothing, breathing exercises did nothing, my mind just kept on racing. +(p.s. a friend drove in my car for me, I'm not driving on 0 hrs of sleep) + + +It's not just that single event though. School days cause stress, tests cause stress, even having a totally free day but having to receive a package the next day causes sleep issues and stomach aches. +When doing things I'm always thinking about the worst thing that could happen, and what if that would happen, even if the chances are minimal, which only adds up to the stress. +Idk anymore, should I visit a psychiatrist? Like what do you do here? This has been ongoing for at least 10 years now, I'm currently 22 and this has to stop + +thnx :)",Overstressing everything,0 +500,"The more weeks go by, the more helpless I feel about this course. I hate the professor, I hate the lab partners, I hate the TAs, I hate the activities and homework we have to do and I hate physics the most. + +I never had a sturdy foundation in physics anyways. The only reason i managed with physics in high school was because I memorized most of the solutions and most of the problems were similar to the other problems I practiced. Besides, my tutor was good at helping me learn. + +I'm doing an introductory physics course this semester, and I feel so absolutely dumb. We're supposed to work in groups to complete activities and every week we are given a set of problems for homework. The professor adds a set of puzzles at the end of every assignment to supposedly promote logical thinking and spatial reasoning or whatever. + +The thing is I never really liked physics in the first place, but not I hate it. The labs are for two hours, I can't understand a single concept and the people in my group are so snide and rude about the fact that they understand the class and I can't. I remember asking for help about a homework problem to them on Discord, and I would have been grateful if they had given me a few hints about how they solved that problem, but all they did was send the wrong answers and made a bunch of memes about how they trolled me. One of the guys is so arrogant about how he took AP Physics and he knows all of the concepts and is so good at physics. + +Meanwhile I can't even do a single problem independently. The professor also gives a bunch of puzzles like kenkens or spatial reasoning problems that I'm too dumb to do and I'm doing the worst in that class. It's just too much for me. + +Aside from that course, I'm in computer science and while my other classes aren't as awful, they're also pretty difficult. Plus, I have work study, and most of my work hours coincide with the office hours. I still have to take the course as a requirement and I feel like I'm going to fail. I get panic attacks every night thinking about it and I can't deal with it anymore.",My physics class is wringing me out,0 +501,"(Canadian college student btw) I used to be the complete opposite. I would do assignments a couple days before it was due and have zero stress + +However recently I’m getting assignments done WEEKS ahead of time, which I’m proud of tbh. I’m taking my education more seriously, and It’s like a need to get it done with better quality, thus making more time for myself and picking up extra shifts at my retail job. + +…but now it’s just getting ridiculous. We’re not even in week 3 and I’m stressing about getting an assignment done on time for week 6. I literally cannot fall asleep some nights because I’m thinking too much about it. + +How tf do I deal with this? How do I convince myself that it’ll get done, and it doesn’t have to be done right in this moment?","Recently I’ve been incredibly critical about getting school work done way ahead of time, but now it’s just getting ridiculous",0 +502,Our lives are in turmoil due to many factors but lately my husband’s concussion and brain injury issues have completely put a stretch on our stress limits. I’m not sure where to go or what to do. He’s very upset over his situation and feels like I don’t understand which of course I do not understand it completely but I have a different set of stressors related to this situation. The problem is that our lives had a lot of stress prior to his injury so it’s just too much. I try not to let on how stressed I am because he obviously is in a worse state that me. He won’t talk about things much and when I try to help him he says I’m making it worse and smothering him. He feels that because I have a background working with people with developmental issues I should just know what to do for him but it is way different when it’s your husband versus a client. I just need to help alleviate some stressors in our life- where do i start!,Our life is one big ball of stress and I’m overwhelmed!,0 +503,"So I started talking to a girl whos away right now. I have a date with her getting planned. She is in a different state right now though where as I am across the ocean, so a heavy time difference. Cant really talk to her because of this. In the next while, my work (military related) will be conducting 24 hr ops so I will be working at least 12 hour shifts. Found out I have to wait to advance my career this week, got ghosted when trying to buy a car, and lost 75% of the sleep I need to function. I’ve been functioning on 2 to 4 hours most days. Oh and, work was extra crazy in prep for me this week aswell. + +That’s aside from the regular person stress ofc. + +I need more sleep and to “chillax” but in a weird twisted way, this has been an extremely entertaining week for me. + +Any advice or ideas would be much appreciated however + +Edit: call is healthy stress as you may, but maybe a little too much healthy stress","Extremely stressed, very low sleep, very worried, but not depressed at least",0 +504,"I've truly never felt this overwhelmed before. I 19 (F) just started a nursing program and work almost full time. I just moved a few months ago into my first apartment and on top of that got a new car. I ended up leasing because it was my best option but, it is a lot to take on and I had to because my old car was 25 years old and falling apart. I have been sleeping 5 hours a night on average, struggling to work enough to pay my bills, and studying every waking moment of every day every chance that I get. I have a job that is stressful and my manager doesn't respect or appreciate the 4 employees he has and is about to lose them. Does not get that I cannot work 60 hours a week anymore and I cannot teleport from class to work (30 minute away) immediately as class is over. + +It is week 3 and I have lost 15 pounds. Most of the time I don't know where i'm at or what i'm doing. My hair is falling out, i'm nauseous, have no appetite, not sleeping, confused. I generally feel either nothing at all or I am crying and I feel like I and my life is falling apart. Will this get better?",I am falling apart.,0 +505,Hello folks. I really do some help & advices from u all. I worked in a IT Company for almost 6 months & I decided to quit my job with a gut feel to leave the company at the end of the month anyhow. Cause I was never treated well there. Had to overtime for a low pay. Did covered of the absence colleagues job due to project completion on time & many more. Now it has been almost 15 days from the resign date and still I feel like am working there and always the toxic thoughts of the company runs over my mind. Am like mentally affected please can someone give advice. Thanks for your precious time,Depression due to resign.,0 +506,"Recently I’ve been feeling a tingle sensation on the top of my head. I read that it’s linked to stress and anxiety. + +Anyone else get that aswell?",Anyone else feeling tingles on scalp?,0 +507,,anyone here consider taking pills to relieve pains if yes what pill,0 +508, Do you suffer from stress? Are you interested in seeing if common stress interventions can improve your stress levels? Click **here** to learn more about how an at-home Personalized Trial may help: [https://www.personalizedhealth.org/stress](https://www.personalizedhealth.org/stress),"The Personalized Trial for Stress Management is currently recruiting for a virtual, at-home Personalized Trial for Stress Management",0 +509,,Trying to read more less twitter n instagram,0 +510," Hello all, + +we are a group of university students who are in the process of creating a functional prototype for patients with heart disease and/or anxiety disorders, as well as for people who lead a stressful lifestyle. + +It is a relatively small wearable device placed on your chest that allows you to start a vibration in the chest area in the event of a panic attack to calm the heart, thereby helping you to more easily achieve cardiac coherence, which is proven to calm the organism. + +We would like to ask you to fill out this questionnaire: [https://forms.gle/xeWQ86D3BxXxtYMs8](https://forms.gle/xeWQ86D3BxXxtYMs8) + +Thank you a lot",Anti-stress device research,0 +511,,How do you to cope/adapt to stress in your life (positive or negative )?,0 +512,"i'm a 18 (F) freshmen in college, I have been going to this library on campus for the past few days there has been this recurring guy (im assuming 18/19) that I have seen every time (we have never spoken but have made a lot of eye contact) I have been there. there have been some time where the library was packed and I had to sit at the same table as him and vice versa today I was sitting alone at this table that me and him have sat at together a few times and he came over and sat at this table with one of his friends. + +Eventually one of my friends showed up and soon after his friend left (this left, me, my friend and him at a table that seats 4 people) soon after one of my other friends showed up so all the stats at the table where filled. we where all just working quietly for around an hour. after that hour he later left and my friends left soon after. I spent another hour there by myself finishing up some work + +I am a big glancer I look around a lot whenever I am doing something so this has caused me and this boy to make a lot of eye contact. when I was taking a break from my work I saw him coming back into the building me and him made eye contact and he quickly walked away this was a bit of a surprise because he usually sits down + +I assumed that he either wanted the table for himself or he had some friends coming and needed a bigger table. so I moved seats I got up and went to a single table. I went to go fill up my water bottle after I placed my stuff down at the new table, when I was walking back to my new table I made eye contact with him again because he was walking the same direction. + +I sat down at my new table and put my AirPods in assuming that he moved to the table that sat 4 people, out of the corner of my eye I saw him walk up to my table. I took my AirPods out and he asked me ""hey, you didn't move seats because of me right?"" with ought even thinking I just quickly shook my head and said ""oh no!"" before I could say anything else he said ""ok I was just making sure, have a nice day"" and he walked away. + +I ended up soon leaving after just beacuse there was no way I could focus after all of that but now im worried I have scared this boy off and ill never see him at the library anymore. I really dont know what to think I was hoping you guys would be able to give your options",im over thinking everything,0 +513,"This probably the worst week i had till date in my life. +It all started last Thursday i didn't arrive to my job at the right timings because of rains and traffic delays, kept forgetting some jobs and had to work Sundays to stay up-to-date, made a mistake which will cost me around 200usd, stress at its peak, a girl i really like just quit her job to pursue education, i was tested positive for covid and then i got tested again it was luckily negative but i have fever and cough no salary yet because I opted to change my home branch to another and it's not yet completed and i have a shit Ton of work again now why me?.",How do I over come this,0 +514,"Hello there. I am a 22 years old female who stresses with every single thing. I was always just like that, but the last year...stress is really destroying my life! I am at the senior year of my studies and right now I am giving my final exams and I just can't handle this. I have to give a tone of exams because I skipped them due to my fear of black out the time they ask me something. The last time I just burst into tears. This is awful because I really try... Really! I know everything they ask me and I just can't answer it, I can't my mind stops working. Plus it is very ugly to have my teachers see me in this situation. This is not their problem but mine's and I don't have a clue what to do . Please tell me if there's a way dealing with it generally but especially with if there are some tricks to deal with it while giving exams.",need some advice asap,0 +515,"I lost my wallet... so stress. Ok goodnight. + +And i hope to find it tmr..",stress,0 +516,"I feel like I’m always surrounded by people who seem to be so care free. They never worry about anything and wave their hand at any problem they seem to come across. Basically the “who cares, if it happens it happens” mindset. It makes me envy those people because I feel like I’m always worried about every scenario and “what if this what if that?” Is it possible to change into that mindset of not caring or worrying about something until or when it happens? I’ve tried so many times but can’t seem to get there. My mind is over analyzing every possible scenario 24/7 and idk how to stop. I feel like if I come across a situation that is out of my control, my mind just freaks out and I loose sleep and over analyze every possible scenario and the only way to be calm is to not be in that situation to begin with.",Why are some people care free and others can’t stop stressing?,0 +517,So at the moment we’re dealing with unprecedented volumes of mail (I’m a postman). It’s common knowledge that it’s hard at the moment and will take a lot longer than usual. I am dealing with a lot of backlog and it seems to just keep building every day. I do get some help sometimes it I think I’ll have to speak to a manager about getting some more. I’ve also got to keep on top of it and make decisions on what I will take out which day which is stressing me out. I won’t be able to do it all in a day so I will have to deliver different sections on a rotational basis. I have always struggled with backlog but everyone else in the office seems to catch up or stay on top of it no problem. I feel like not going in next week and letting someone else deal with it,I’m so behind on my work,0 +518,"im 22 recently graduated from college doing my internship in nursing. + +ive always thought my stress levels are ok but since for years i’ve noticed that + +- cant seem to beat fungus (skin and vaginal) even though i rarely get sick +- i have irritable bowel syndrome (stress related nothing inflammatory) +- my hair falls excessively. + +u think im stressed? idk",im not stressed but my body says otherwise,0 +519,"I’ve always been an anxious person and have always had phobias, particularly of vomiting. + +In 2019 I had a nervous breakdown triggered by an adverse gastric reaction to an antibiotic. I have not been the same since. I have been in therapy and on meds ever since with no change. In fact I think I’m worse. I’m so frightened of everything. My ocd is awful. Panic attacks frequent. Tremors and shaking bad. + +I also have a lot of somatic symptoms - chronic pelvic pain with suspected endo, neck pain, TMD/teeth clenching leading to frequent migraines, IBS, back pain. I’ve just been diagnosed with oral thrush, my doctor suspects from severe stress. + +I see a physio, a TMD specialist, a psychiatrist, a therapist, I’ve tried somatic experiencing therapy, emdr, tre - I’m exhausted honestly. I journal, I read, I meditate, I cry, I dance, I walk, I get out in nature - all things I do naturally, not forced but that should help. + +I just don’t know how to break the cycle. I have no hope left. The only times in the last three years where I’ve felt the most like myself was during lockdowns. I don’t know how to use that information to help myself now. Or if I really just want to be a recluse as that’s how I ultimately feel safest which isn’t healthy at all.",Chronic stress - feeling hopeless,0 +520,,Why do we need to be stress?! Why can’t we live a happy life?! 🥹,0 +521,"I need someone to talk to, this will be a long chat because of the store behind it.... anyone welling to help would be great.... Dog 🐕 is involved.",Stress to the max.... Dog related,0 +522,,I'm not good at handling stress,0 +523,"i have a lot of court stuff ccoming up and i am absolutely at my breaking point right now... nothing has helped so far, what do i do?",stressing the f**k out!!!!,0 +524,"I would like to escape reality as much as possible for the time being due to work-related stress. I was forced to become a supervisor and now I have more responsibilities, direct contact with the managers who will scald me, and incompetent employees that get ME in trouble! I have had a nervous breakdown in the lavatory and I just want to escape reality for the time being. + + +Bike riding is my favorite hobby and not even this can help me. + + +I did not ask to be a supervisor, I was FORCED to become the supervisor. I hate my job!",Is it safe to go for a swim during night?,0 +525,"Hello, I am a 28-year-old man, with good health. I have been suffering from an increase in urination of dilute urine, especially in the early morning. I did all the tests for blood tests for hormones, liver, kidneys and heart, such as radiographs and blood tests, but the internal doctors and nephrologists and endocrine did not find any problems I have, including diabetes, as the cumulative and daily blood sugar levels are very excellent, could the cause be anxiety or excessive stress cause this , has any of you experienced something similar?",high level of stress and anxity cause morning urination,0 +526,"I’ve been posting my journey for the last 2 years as these symptoms came on abruptly and to this day have never left. The symptoms are as follows: 24/7 head pressure mainly in the top back of my head, insanely dry eyes especially when looking at screens (nothing has helped), feels like my head is spasming and my eyes are shaking. Absolutely nothing resolves this completely ever however I notice when I don’t focus on them and I’m occupied I don’t really necessarily notice the symptoms. If I’m not occupied the symptoms feel much more apparent and worse. + +I did use Klonapin for a year so maybe the dry eye or some of these shakes are side effects of stopping that a few months ago but the head pressure existed even before I started the Klonapin. + +Does anyone have the same or similar symptoms? I feel it’s ridiculous to just have to live with this and I’ve read enough that there’s a ton of people experiencing this so maybe we can all share what helps to resolve this altogether. Thanks guys","Head pressure, dry eye & anxiety",0 +527,"M4F talking someone through anxiety + +Soft spoken + + +https://youtu.be/3VKumyr41yw",Stress relief entertainment,0 +528,"1 Hour Soothing Rain sound - Relaxing Rain Sound - Relax and Sleep - Release Stress + +Please like, share and subscribe :) + +&#x200B; + +[https://youtu.be/wHf5aIU1U4s](https://youtu.be/wHf5aIU1U4s)",1 Hour Soothing Rain sound - Relaxing Rain Sound - Relax and Sleep - Release Stress,0 +529,"I just want one day off where I'm not pulled into work bullshit. Just one! I'm the only person on my project, I've been begging for more people but I've been told either ""we'll have people next week"" or ""the person fell through"". I just broke down crying after being pulled into work stuff for 2.5 hours. I put in for PTO. It was approved. I'm supposed to be able to relax today but nope just MORE MORE MORE GIVE GIVE GIVE. + +My hair has been falling out, my period is all out of whack, I've gained like 15 pounds and I'm exhausted all the time. I just can't take the stress anymore...",I can't take it anymore,0 +530,"I’ve heard a little about stress medication being antidepressants and such a thing doesn’t actually work, it has little to no effect. Does anyone here use stress meds that actually help. I take Ashwagandha chewables and they help a little but clearly not enough",It’s theoretical that I have stress based seizures and have some questions about stress medication,0 +531,"I just want to help her. I'm a high school senior, and she's a freshman at a nearby college. I'm scared though, because she's so pissy and stressed and exhausted ever since she started going there. I just wanna help.","How can I help my partner? She's not been in college very long, but I can tell she's already way way too stressed and exhausted. All I want is to help her so she's even just a little bit happier",0 +532,"I pulled two 16hr days in a row and have been operating at full capacity the last few weeks and now I can't seem to wake up without feeling dog tired and my body is on pins and needles with intense muscle fatigue. It's Thursday, we still got one more work day and I have some freelance and house chores to get through but I'm moving slow. Likely from barely moving from my desk lately but damn does it suck - looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow to work out all that gross stuck feeling. Any other tips on what to do to reset?",Stress pain/hangover?,0 +533,"18y: I'll stop feeling extremely anxious all the time when I got accepted by a college +19y: I'll stop feeling extremely anxious all the time when I graduate +22y: I'll stop feeling extremely anxious all the time when I get a job at my field +1 month later: I got a job at my field, but I'm still extremely anxious, feeling that It's not enough and I need to improve more + +How can I apreciate my self-grown and stop being so demanding with myself? +If I keep going that way, I'll only stop being anxious when I'm dead.",Can't stop being anxious,0 +534,One of my favorite things for stress is regular use of Nuvita CBD. It’s a total game changer for how I perceive and handle stress in my life. Here’s my affiliate link and discount code if you wanna check it out. [Discount code: Hummingbird](https://nuvitacbd.com/?als=6062),My fave stress management tool,0 +535,music to destress to. ENJOY,Happy | Energetic Music For Peace,0 +536,,when do you know it's time to see a doctor about your stress?,0 +537,"i find myself either always thinking and over thinking things, or crying about things i can’t change and it always leaves me extremely stressed out all the time. + + -things that stress me out everyday- + +- the way i look +-the way my skin feels/looks with makeup on +-the fact my skin never gets better no matter how much i wash it +- my hair. how dry my hair is today. if it looks right +- how much water i’ve drank today. when to drink water +-what i’ve ate today. if i’ve ate too much +-bloating. why i’m always bloated, how to fix this issue +-the fact i can’t drive +-the fact i can’t leave home because i can’t drive +-my friends hang out without me everyday +- the way i look (again) + +these are things that run through my mind every single day and they stress me out so bad. this is what my mind looks like 24/7 and i don’t know how to stop stressing out over these things",i think i have a stress problem,0 +538,"For me, listening to music is a powerful tool to combat stress. I love having chilled, ambient music playing especially when I'm working. I decided to make my own chilled music over the past year and it has been a great help. So for anyone who likes relaxing music, I hope this piece set alongside lovely sunrise visuals will be useful for you :) + +https://youtu.be/0zGvwg0hjlA",Soothing music for stress,0 +539,"All my life I've been stressed, but today I was sitting in a quiet room for a while, ate a popsicle, and then I suddenly started smiling and laughing, like I couldn't control it. It feels like a lot of weight has been lifted. Is this normal?",Laughing and smiling when less stressed,0 +540,"It's hard to explain, I'm guessing its some sort of stress, but I can't figure out how to get over it. A little background. Before the beginning of Covid Lockdowns (like right before) I had a major breakdown and went into severe depression. My sister was about to go through a life saving organ transplant (which went well), I had someone break up with me, I had 2 major career defining projects I was leading that weren't going well, and I was suffering from a torn labrum which stopped me from doing a hobby I loved. All of this happening in the span of about a week. + +It took me a long time to get out of my depression. I took medication, stopped worrying as much about having a great career, learned meditation and practiced it daily, found a new hobby, and tried enjoying life more over the span of the pandemic. I decided to make it a point to get away from my previous job as it caused me a major amount of stress. They overworked me, and the pay wasn't great for the amount of responsibilities put on my shoulders. + +It took me nearly 1.5 years to finally land a new job and leave that job behind. I have fantastic bosses at my new job, they pay me well and make sure that I'm compensated for my overtime whenever that is necessary (which isn't often). The only complaint I have about my job is it's a bit boring and not very challenging (or at least it shouldn't be). + +Now here's my major problem. I'm falling behind on my work and not learning at the speed I use to when starting a new job. I'm having difficulties learning all the systems and parts even though most of my job is just surveying equipment, and designing simple parts and cable assemblies. + +Every time I start on a new task or job, I start experiencing a dull stress and what I think is ""brain fog"". It feels like the top of my brain just hardens, and I get a mild headache. Over the day it drains me, but once I get off work I start quickly recovering. + +I use to thrive doing challenging work and continually learning new things in my field. Now I just feel tired all the time. I'm tired of feeling like this. I've asked for more challenging tasks from my boss and I get them, but it doesn't help. + +I just want to feel unburdened again at work.",Stress when working,0 +541,"The main factor in determining how stressful a situation or event is for you is how you interpret and perceive it. #stress #sadness #worry + +https://onlinemkt.org/stress-triggers/",Stress Triggers,0 +542,"**STRESS..…STRESS…STRESS…STRESS…STRESS…..STRESSED!** + +**Why do you think in this 21st century, from a child going to preschool to a retired person experiencing stress?** + +*DID YOU KNOW?* As per the world health organization, 1 in every 5 persons (20% of the population) in India are said to be suffering from some form of mental unrest. + +The world is running towards success and accomplishment. During this; we compromise on our health, sleep, food, relationships, and ultimately ourselves. Stressors are increasing which in turn results in stress! + +YOU MAY ASK, WHAT DOES STRESS DO TO ME??? + +Well, do you have headaches, upset stomach, chest pain, loss of sleep, and high BP? Then, you have stress! Stress can increase your chances of having a heart attack by 25%, heart diseases by 40%, and stroke by 50%. Stress can lead to memory problems, inability to concentrate, poor judgment, negative thoughts, inability to relax, general unhappiness, and a sense of loneliness. Below are given some ways you can overcome your stress. + +**EASY TIPS TO MANAGE STRESS** + +Every individual has their own style of dealing with stress. However, there are basic guidelines for dealing with stress. Here they are- + +* **Reframe** the stressor to see a whole new picture. + +During a stressful situation explain the situation on a lighter note to yourself. Remind yourself to see life as continuous learning. Look at the positive side! + +* Failure is a stepping stone to success. +* You failed so what? Get over it. +* There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. + +* **Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.** + +Maintain a stress journal. Identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal with them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in your journal as you keep a daily log, you will begin to see patterns and common themes. + +Write down- + +* What caused your stress (make a guess if unsure) +* How you felt, both physically and emotionally +* How you acted in response +* What you did to make yourself feel better. +* **Test your thoughts.** + +When something stressful happens. Assess what the outcome of the situation like its irrelevance, positivity, accuracy and the truth behind it. Like what am I think? Is it true? Could there be another way to look at this situation?. + +* **Manage your time**. Stress is managed by simply planning your day well in advance. Like maintaining a weekly planner with all the deadlines, meetings, appointments, family time and most importantly don’t forget to throw some ‘**me time’** in there too. +* You **can’t control everything**. + +Learn to let go of things over which you don’t have a control. Without forgiveness, we experience stress in a more raw, unblocked way. When in a distressing situation, pause, take slow deep breaths and tell yourself ‘**it’s okay’ I can move on.** + +* **Count your blessings.** A powerful **antidote to** [**stress.**](http://www.cadabamshospitals.com/) + +Learn to be grateful for what you have even if you feel it’s not enough. Tell yourself, I am strong and I will put my 100%. + +* **Take time to relax**. **Ten minutes of quiet meditation** a day is powerful medicine. You can pray, listen to relaxing music or just simply focus on your breathing. Guided imagery, clinical [**hypnosis**](https://www.psychologytoday.com/therapy-types/hypnotherapy), and biofeedback are all useful for managing stress. + +If none of the above works for you, then it is a good idea you get diagnosed with a good psychologist who can best help you in giving the right treatment for managing your stress.",Managing Stress,0 +543,"Does anybody else cry as a stress response after a period of stress or anxiety? I find that often happens to me when I'm alone or in a dark place - literally. + +For example, I just came back from the cinema with my mother, and while watching the movie in a dark and safe place, the tears just started flowing, probably releasing all the built up tension from the last week. + +Problem is, that Mum noticed this and thinks there's something wrong with me now and ended up telling me to get over whatever I'm thinking about, but I'm fine. She doesn't understand that it's just a way my body gets rid of all the extra pressure and tension. + +My mind must find cinemas very relaxing...",crying when stressed?,0 +544,"5 days from today, my life is about to change. While this may or will be a good move for me, I am majorly stressed out due to this change. Some background, over a year ago, the company that I currently work for, announced that they will be laying off staff at my location and moving operations back to a HUGE city that I personally didn’t want to move back to, so I chose to take my 21 years of service severance package and will be moving further west to the coast. This past year has had issues nonetheless, due to the company stalling our end of work date consistently, which was due to supply chain issues from the Pandemic, which the company didn’t foresee when they announced the layoff and/or work transfer notice. This “stall” has caused a lot of stress on myself and my co-workers with not knowing when we’d all be getting the axe. The company had us all dangling from one meeting to another, when finally, at the end of last May, they announced that our end of work date will be at the end of this August. During this year long “wait” with not knowing when our actual end date would be, the lady whom I rented my basement room from, took it upon herself and just “guessed” that my end of work date would be sometime last May, and basically evicted me out of the basement, however she offered me to stay in another room in the house. She did this so she could get more money from a family of three who moved into the basement last May from the UK. This was an annoyance, however I do get on very well with the family, who are really cool people. I did a massive purge and downsized a lot of my belongings, which what is left, fits snuggley into my vehicle. I can’t afford to hire a moving truck or get a hitch put on my car and pay for a uhaul trailer…so minimizing was the way to go. With finally knowing my actual end date, I could now start prepping for my move further west to the coast. I applied for school, got in and start in September. My finances are “f’k’d” to say the least, I have had to sink ALOT of money into getting my vehicle road trip ready, and due to this, has left me very short on cash with funding this road trip/move. I needed to get a “temp” place which allows dogs, where the college is, and seeing how I don’t know a soul in and around that area, I opted to book an air bnb for the moth of September and 1st week of October. This air bnb is pretty pricey. However, I felt I have no choice but to go there and start looking for a dog friendly place when I get there. I applied for another credit card but was denied due to a “fraud alert” on my credit report from 4 years ago when I got my vehicle broken into and my purse was stolen. I went and got and paid for the police record, supplied my passport and driver’s license as photo I.d, and got copies of them all and gave it to the bank where I applied for the credit cards over a week ago. The bank lady sent these copies to the department that issues credit cards, but they didn’t read her “notes” and see the attached files. 😑 the Airbnb payment is due this Thursday, and I was starting to panic. I asked a family member to help me out to no shagrin. 😑 luckily, a very good friend of mine has loaned me the money, knowing I will be getting a HUGE severance payout in mid September. thank god. *whew!* still waiting on my own bank to transfer this Airbnb money to my large credit card, so I can pay the Airbnb. I am hoping that happens today or tomorrow. I got a finally fix done on my vehicle yesterday, and while driving I noticed a strange noise, so I will have to go back there to have it looked at. Seeing how this is my last week of work, my time is stretched. Ugh. Anyhow, thanks to all who have read, thanks for comments if you leave one. On wards to the west/wet coast!",My life is about to change,0 +545,i (20/f) keep getting diagnosed with severe depression + anxiety and told that stress is the cause for many of my medical conditions (thyroid/high bp) but i simply cannot feel it. i am not denying that i have a pretty stressful life (abusive father/money issues) but to me it just feels like the norm. im wondering how i can manage the stress when im unable to even detect it.,Neurologist says im under “severe stress” but i dont feel like it.,0 +546,So i was kinda brought up thinking I already have a safe future place to settle and earn in but now it seems like it is going all down hill and I need to go for the best colleges I can try to get in.so yeah opted a difficult subject which is needed in some good colleges and with school I am starting now entrance exam coaching(on top of having my regular subjects coaching)so it’s kinda I can’t describe what I am thinking will I be successful will I have a job will I not be able to clear anything will I be left in between will I be helpless.I don’t think anyone I know is even little stressed about future so many of them have settled business.like I am holding my tears so much right now I really wanna cry.what do I do how do I try to focus how do I cope up with so much that I will start doing in just a few days.Will I be able to do anything at all and give up,Future stress,0 +547,,As an entrepreneur started my own startup and the stresses of the up and downs are hard to manage,0 +548,"Working a job and apprenticeship,took a day off from later to complete the pending job assignment i.e, video editing in one day. It was going fine until my dog ran away and i had to look for him for 2 hours on foot. Lost my cool can't concentrate on work. Skipped gym eating fried and smoking cig to get some dopamine.what can. I do that's better? + +I was stressing out yesterday cuz assignment was pending,so i wrote everything stressing me down.and today was supposed to be the day to do it. Tried deep breathing and playing my flute.makes me feel even more guilty","taking bad decisions in stress, smoked a cigarette, ate fried chicken, that i usually don't do cuz that's what I did even i used to stress eat",0 +549,"Idk, if this even comes under what the sub is for, and I'm sorry if it isn't. I just really dont know where else to ask or where else I should put this. This is also kind of embarrassing to say, but anyways. So basically I deal with anxiety and stress. We also recently just moved countries and it's a new start and everything so idk, if that's maybe what's causing this. But because of stress I've been experiencing MAJOR hair loss, like i mean I shed like HUGE clumps of hair at a time, and it happens throughout the day. And when i take a head shower, the whole drain is basically filled with like so much hair i could make a wig out of it, LITERALLY I'm not kidding or lying. And ik some people will say it's just hair and everything, but i luv taking care of it, and the health of my hair is kind of very important to me, so it stresses me out even more thinking abt it. And I've tried multiple hair products and everything, but no product seems to be helping. Is anyone experiencing this too? Or has anyone experienced this before? If so could u pls tell me what u did or any tips and advice, cuz i really really do need it. + +Sorry for the big para rant, and I'm sorry ik this might be quite boring to read, and it might be stupid to right this para under this subreddit, sorry abt that, i just really need help and dont know where else to put this.",stress related hair loss,0 +550,"So how do you folks manage the stress of a job and anxiety on a day to day basis? + +I know most of you would say "" One task at a time"", but I want to know about some real hacks!",How do you manage the job stress & anxiety on a day to day basis?,0 +551,"I had a bad argument the other day and ever since I've been getting this dull ache on my heart ever since, ive gone through quite a lot these past Couple years, mainly I've lost 2 family members and now my dad has terminal cancer and there's been a lot that's gone on since then too, basically my life's been a disaster, but this constant dull ache I've been getting since the argument is something I've never had, ive had occasional heart pains that come and go, like a shooting pain but nothing like this and I'm not sure if I should be worried or not?",I had a heated argument the other day and ever since I've had a mild heart ache and it won't go away,0 +552,"Stress is a natural bodily response to change that causes physical, emotional, and cognitive reactions. Today most of us find ways to [relieve stress](https://www.friendlyyours.com/how-to-relieve-stress-simple-ways-to-bust-your-stress/). Let us discuss this further. + +Everyone in this fast-paced society, from young children to the elderly, experiences stress as a result of their daily activities. + +Children struggle academically, worry about exams, and experience memory loss, while teenagers and adults worry about the future, experience failed relationships, lack of job security, financial instability, and a host of other problems. + +Elderly people experience increased stress because they feel isolated, fear death and physical disease, and can’t perform their activities.  + + + +## What are the causes of stress? + +Each person has unique stresses. + +According to polls, workplace stress takes the top spot.  + +Some causes include, + +1. Unhappy with the job. + +2. Income is not enough. + +3. A heavy workload and long hours. + +4. Challenges in the workplace. + +5. Unsafe job. + +6. Bad management. + +7. Inability to meet the demands of the business.  + +8. Unable to cope with financial requirements. + +9. Job Loss + +10. Unhappy partners. + +11. Love failure. + +12. The death of loved ones. + +13. Divorce. + +14. Family members suffering from illness for a prolonged period. + +15. Looking after the old. + +16. Anxiety and depression. + +17. Uncertainty & fear. + +18. Significant life changes. + +19. Exam fear. + +20. Memory issues. + +## What are the stress symptoms? + +1. Tense or painful muscles. + +2. An upset stomach. + +3. Stomach pain. + +4. Breathing slowly. + +5. Heartbeat increases. + +6. A chest ache. + +7. Panic disorders. + +8. Problems with sleep. + +9. Headaches or dizziness. + +10. Tightening of the jaws. + +11. The immune system deteriorates. + +12. Anger, Depression, or anxiety. + +13. Deep sadness. + +14. Variations in the mood. + +15. sweaty palms. + +16. Reduced sex desire. + +17. Diarrhea. + +18. Changes in the mensural cycle. + +19. Weight changes. + +20. Raise in blood pressure. + +21. Lack of self-care. + +22. Taking drugs or alcohol. + +## What are the ways to relieve stress? / What are the stress management techniques? + +### 1. Go away: + +Make an effort to leave the stressful situation. + +### 2. Drink a glass of water: + + If you are unable to leave the tense environment, drink a glass of water. It is an easy technique to lessen stress. + +### 3. Remain Quiet: + + If you encounter unpleasant situations, try to contain your emotions. A moment of silence can help you feel less stressed. + +### 4. Check yourself in the mirror:  + +If you’re feeling anxious, just look at your face in the mirror. The tense face won’t be liked by anyone. You’ll find that your mood will alter on its own. + +### 5. Warm water bath: + +Take a warm water bath to relieve stress and relax your muscles. + +### 6. Pursed-lip breathing:  + + It is a great technique to relieve stress and anxiety. The amount of oxygen entering the body increases in this way. + +### 7. Watch funny videos:  + +Watching comedy videos can help you relax. One of the best remedies in the world to relieve stress and enhance both physical and mental health is laughter. + +### 8. Spend time with your loved ones:  + +Friends and family may be the answer to your stress problems. Spending time with loved ones is always gratifying and may help you totally unwind after the most stressful days. + +### 9. Play with pets:  + +People can’t always be there for you, but pets can. In addition to being able to keep secrets, enjoy cozy silences, and provide affection and friendship, they can also be terrific cuddlers. They might also be the most effective remedy for loneliness. + +It has been demonstrated that petting a cat causes the brain chemical oxytocin to be released, which reduces stress. The same effect can be obtained by photographing your cat. It has been demonstrated that petting a cat causes the brain chemical oxytocin to be released, which reduces stress. + +### 10. Get a Spa massage:  + +To keep your levels of stress and anxiety in check, give yourself permission to relax. For most of us, a day at the spa represents the height of relaxation. Spa services and massage therapies, which are rapid and reasonably priced, have positive effects on both mental and physical health. + +### 11. Use candlelight to relieve stress:  + +[Read More](https://www.friendlyyours.com/how-to-relieve-stress-simple-ways-to-bust-your-stress/)",Relieve Stress? | Some simple ways to bust your stress,0 +553,"What is your average heart rate throughout the day (24 hours) + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/wt33u3)",stress and heart rate,0 +554,"First off, I have PTSD from being in the military. I overreact to stressors in my environment significantly. So I am totally aware of having higher stress levels than the average person. But what I do not understand is why my muscles stay tense 24/7. + +I mainly feel this in my neck/jaw/shoulders area. I literally (and not saying this like ""omg I literally died the other day when...but as in the way the term is actually meant for) feel like I cannot let my head relax into my pillow at night. It's like my body refuses to allow the pillow to take the weight of my head. I can consciously think, ""ok, I'm gonna relax my neck now and let my head fall deep into this pillow,"" and it works...for a few fleeting moments until I stop actively thinking about it. Seconds later I will realize that my shoulders are up to my ears again, and my neck is no longer relaxing. + +I keep my jaw tense all the time as well. So much so that I have so many chipped teeth that my dentist has stopped fixing them until they get really bad. I have a bite guard for sleeping, but I think the damage is also done during the day. I asked my wife the other day which was ""normal"" for her: when not thinking about it, do your top and bottom teeth stay closed/touching each other, or is there a small gap? She went with the small gap, and I can see that my body wants that to be my normal too, but it is not. My teeth stay chomped down onto each other, nearly 24/7. I'd bet my neck and teeth stay tense even when I am asleep. + +I absolutely hate this. I can never get comfortable. I cannot sleep well. I look like a 10 year old with ADHD because I'm constantly wiggling around while seated in order to get some sort of comfort here and there. And all this misery boils down to the tension in these 3 areas. + +Anyone have any suggestions for this? I've told my Dr many times at the VA about this, and I have muscle relaxers, but rarely take them because they make me super sleepy during the day, and if I take them at night, I feel kinda hung over the next morning. So I only take them when in absolute discomfort. + +I go to a chiropractor 2x a week. I go to physical therapy for shoulder issues 2x a week. I regularly use a foam roller and a Chirp wheel, almost daily, several times a day. I even started yoga this week...but I've only been once so far. + +Oh, and I get a massage 2x a month, by a massage therapist at the chiropractor, who can target areas of concern from my chiropractic file. So not a feel good massage, but one that works on working knots out and loosening ligaments (not sure if I am using the right terminology there). Last week, after several months, she was able to finally ""get in"" my upper traps and for a few amazing, godly seconds, I actually felt true neck relaxation. It was so wonderful....and so sad when it quickly went back to my normal. But that fleeting glimpse of bliss told me that it is possible to find relief. + +So I have finally turned to Reddit to ask for help.",I can never relax my neck/shoulders/jaw...any tips?,0 +555,"There is a small business owner in the northern ky areas-( Covington, ft. Wright, Florence, and other locations owned by this person). A BULLY: one of the causes of a person to hurt themselves. There's physical proof and we are trying to figure out how to hold this person accountable. BELITTLED, DISCRIMINATES , OVERPOWERED , PSYCHOLOGICAL HARASSMENT, GASLIGHTING, MENTALLY BREAKS DOWN A PERSON. EVIL AND SELFISH. CAUSED A PERSON MENTALLY BREAKING POINT!!! +#awareness #stopbullying2022",#stopbullying,0 +556,I scored 92% in my high school boards. And that will be considered a nice scire if ibwere preparing for my medical entrances. But I decided I wont be giving med entrance as it was sapping me. And now I try to get admission based on merit and all the top seats are grabbed by 98-97% scorers. I had to fight with my parents and be strong to take the decision to not study medicine. And its stressing me out so much I can't even smile genuinely. I dont even know if I will get a college.,Stressed that I might not get a college,0 +557,"I am 18, from Brazil, currently doing architecture. I have depression and anxiety, probably ADHD too, but still need to do the tests again. I was taking medication since mamy years ago. Got discharged at the begging of the year before starting college, had to get back at it again after starting the course. I took the same meds as before which I used for years, but my body didn't understand that I have already took then before and had some side effects that scared me and I stopped taking one of the meds. Then after the end of my 1st semester I was looking worse with my depression, so my psychiatrist decided to give me adult depression meds... safe to say it backfire extraordinarily, I just turned 18, barely a month ago. + +Went to other doctors and and the 1st side effect went away, but the adult medication gave me more and worse side effects, so again me psychiatrist suggested changing meds. My mom already had some bad impressions on the doctor so after they tried to change again with no wait to see if I'd get better, she told me to stop taking any meds altogether. + +I get why, my appetite is lower than usual and I am super sensible to climate and temperature, my intestines are hurting and my head aches everyday. So I am currently on the process of adapting. And a new college period stared when I was told to change meds for the 2nd time... I am barely keeping up again with whats being teached and although I got the handle of how college works, I am suffering. Stuff that usually don't bother me or gove me so much work are really demanding me. I am not taking notes as I'd like or being able to concentrate in almost any task that is mildly difficult. Am currently procrastinating the 36 pages and topics that range from a to z of architecture topics that I have to summarise and another 17 pages that I also will summarise, all for today untill 11:59 PM, currently the hour is 19:07...",How do I get better?,0 +558,"Hello Guys, We’ve haven’t seen anything related to binaural beats here, so I thought of sharing something that might be useful to you guys, because it helped me a ton. Binaural beats are claimed to induce various same mental states associated like reduce anxiety, relieve stress while increasing relaxation, increase focus and concentration, promote creativity, dreaming etc. In essence a binaural beat is an acoustic stereo signal, typically a sine wave, from which the left channel is slightly detuned to the right channel. This difference, measured in Hz, produces a waving motion that is actually audible when listened to on stereo headphones. This difference dictates the speed of the binaural beat which has different effects on your brain. Each frequency is associated with outcomes that correspond to different levels of brain wave activity. Here is a little guide on the most important frequency ranges: + + +* Gamma waves: Between 30 Hz and 50 Hz, linked to higher alertness, concentration, and improved problem solving, learning, memory and mood. +* Beta waves: between 13 Hz and 30 Hz, similar to Gamma, linked to an active and alert mind,  improves mood and task performance +* Alpha waves: between 8 Hz and 13 Hz, indicate a relaxed and restful mind, can increase creativity +* Theta waves: between 4 Hz and 8 Hz, associated with drowsiness and meditation, reduced anxiety, relaxation +* Delta waves: between 0.5 Hz and 4 Hz, relaxation, deep sleep, dreaming + +There is a lot of stuff on youtube you can check out and listen to. I mostly listen to binaural beats in the beta range for sleeping, meditation and lucid dreaming. After 10 minutes you really feel like your are sinking deeper in your mind. These beats are often accompanies by music playing on top of them, which is sometimes really nice, but we have a created a some natural ambiences that feature binaural beats.  If you want to check out our channel, you can do so here. We’d love to get feedback on those as well. :) +Rain and Thunder [https://youtu.be/UaYF-lmz4bQ](https://youtu.be/UaYF-lmz4bQ) +Ocean and Calm Waves [https://youtu.be/UfK1-nWtw8A](https://youtu.be/UfK1-nWtw8A) +Mount Fuji [https://youtu.be/GwY0tob0OgE](https://youtu.be/GwY0tob0OgE) +thank you and good night 📷",Binaural Beats for stress relieve,0 +559,"I start my first year of college and I’m super stressed out and even though I’ve been taking College classes through my high school, I’m still stressed out about it. I’ve been stressed about school my whole life despite having all As and being in the top 10% of my grade. I really don’t understand how people can just have a calm attitude when it comes to things like school and work because the mere thought of either stresses me out. Now usually after the first month, I’m completely fine because I’ve gotten used to the class, the teacher, and the work but the first couple weeks are so stressful for me. I have a mad fear of being alone and failure and I like things to always stay the same in my life so I guess all of that contributes to my problems with stressful situations. I have no friends going to the same college as me and I’ve always liked having at least one person I knew to make me more comfortable quicker but having work thrown in front of me and having to one to talk to if I need help is terrifying to me. Sorry about the rambling but I would like some advice if anyone would be nice enough to give it.",Does anyone else get stressed out over School even though they’ve been doing it their whole lives?,0 +560,"I am a chess player, when I lose to my friend in tournaments I feel like my soul leaves my body. I want to hide. I want nobody to find me. I want to stay hidden. I always compare myself to my friend and I don't know how to focus on my own goals. People will say stuff like, ""chess is just a game"". ""It's just one match"" but it's different for me. I want to improve yet I am so stressed about losing and being teased for the loss. +If anybody can tell me how I can push others aside and focus on my own goals, please, explain to me how.",I cant stop comparing myself to others,0 +561,https://youtu.be/lSqKwwNO-Co,Do you like rain sounds with thunder or without to help with stress relief?,0 +562,"Does anybody else forget what he just did? + +Like i forget if i just turned off the lights in another room even though I'm sure i did but i just can't remember it + +Is it stress or something else?",Forgetting what i just did,0 +563,"Cant Feel anything, not even myself + +Sorry for posting so much, but i Feel like my actual soul and presence is gone from my body. Like literally just burned away. + +I Feel i have emotional numbness, like actual numbness. I have emotions mentally some times, but my body and brain is like physically numb so i cant Feel them. + +I Sometimes get hints of emotions in my body, but it is also distant and numb. And i cant Feel it. + +My body is just a body, and i am just a mental voice. There is no presence or life anymore. + +I have no emotion or feeling of anything. + +All feelings left, and the last to go was the feeling of myself. + +Music and food and the sun and my Friends. All gone and no feeling. How can i Feel music if i cant even Feel myself. + +No desires, or motivation or sadness or love. Just nothingness. + +I had a physical feeling that my brain was empty, like a physical feeling of a room inside my head, like my brain +Like you can physically Feel your brain is empty. This feeling is also gone. I cant Feel my brain. + +Mine went away, and now i dont have much in my head of thougts emotions and feelings. + +My memory is complete crap. + +I live life in this strange 2D without any feeling or emotion. + +I dont know if a constant state of hyperarousal and OCD might have fried my brain. Also bad reaction to B12! + +I think my nervous system is severly desensetized!! How can i make it more sensitive again? + +Anyone else experience this and get better? Like they cant even Feel themselves?",I have fried my nervous system! How to get back sensitivity?,0 +564,"Have you ever come across situations in life when annoyance and irritability overpowered your fragile Mental Health? + +Maybe you had a bad day in the office where the boss irritated you, your team member shies away from his responsibility and you feel overwhelmed and fully out of control? + +These small issues and many more like these can rob your inner peace and happiness. So, now what can you do to restore your mental health and feel in tune with yourself? + +You can learn to control your emotional responses through a self-help training skill known as **Emotional Mastery**. + +**What Exactly Is Emotional Mastery?** + +Emotional mastery means being in a state of awareness and acceptance of the way you feel. It refers to a gradual and slow process of controlling and conquering negative emotions that slowly leads to feelings of being overwhelmed and jittery. + +In this process, you will not allow your feelings to overpower you. Being in control of your emotions cannot happen suddenly. + +It is a process of identifying, controlling, and using your overwhelming feelings in positive ways to develop good relationships and effective communication with others. + +Emotional mastery helps in diffusing conflict. It gives you inner peace and happiness like never before. The process helps to reduce everyday stress as you are no longer the victim of your overwhelming feelings. + +**5 Techniques of Emotional Mastery** + +These techniques are actionable ways that you can incorporate into your daily life to triumph over your negative emotions. + +1. Identify your feelings and let them flow in and out as it is. Acceptance is the first step towards mastery. + +2. Appreciate and embrace your emotions as a part of you. Without emotions, your life is meaningless. They are the flavor and color that define your existence. + +3. Approach your emotions with a sense of curiosity. Try to pay attention to what these emotions are telling you. Acknowledge your feelings whether good or bad as authentic and meaningful. + +4. The most powerful way to master emotions is by remembering a previous situation where you have handled a difficult emotional surge in a healthy way. By this, you gain the confidence of handling similar situations successfully now and in the future as well. + +5. Celebrate your small success stories where you have controlled your annoyance, anger, and fear in a healthy way without getting overwhelmed. In doing so, you gather more courage and confidence to master emotions in troubling times as well. + +**To Sum Up** + +Emotions are an integral part of being human. Thus, cultivating emotional mastery helps to use your feelings in healthy ways so that life becomes all the more beautiful. You should not allow emotions to use you. This life skill is an essential ingredient for achieving your dreams and goals. + +*Learn More Techniques to* [*Control Your Emotions and Gain Emotional Mastery*](https://www.richpsych.com/blogs/how-to-control-your-emotions-and-gain-emotional-mastery/MUYyVTgx/)",How Emotional Mastery Can Change Your Life And Living,0 +565,"Stress management is new to me. I have several diagnoses and am being treated by a psychiatrist and a therapist. I've been on short term disability for 3 months now due to migraine complications. After several images and tests, the neurologist sums my condition up to excessive environmental stresses which brought on medical predispositions such as occipital neuralgia with chronic migraine disorder. I also recently stopped drinking alcohol. + +I've been on bed rest for the past few months, and after a recent procedure to prevent migraines, my neurologist has cleared me to return to work in 2 weeks. + +I won't bore anyone with the details of my stresses these past months, but at 44 I can truly say this is the most stress I've experienced in my life, to the point that my body gave up. I need a good program on how to manage my stress if I'm going to be able to live my life. + +So I'm reaching out here, asking if anyone has found a good program and wouldn't mind sharing it. I'm also going to AA meetings and am in the early stages of that 12 step program. Thanks.",Stress Management,0 +566," Often times stress will manifest when we carry over yesterdays concerns into our present day concerns. An accumulation will almost always end up in a high stress level. Therefore, we must be able to dump all of our concerns from the previous day or days and concentrate wholly on our today. If you are having trouble sleeping, there are a few steps you can take to help your body naturally get to sleep. First try to get to bed at the same time every night your body runs on an internal clock and if you don't get to sleep every night at the same time you can through that clock out of whack so a regular bedtime routine is good practice even if you aren't tired try to lay down maybe read a book or listen to some relaxing music. Lifestyle choices will affect your sleep as well such as smoking, illicit drug use and pharmaceuticals, alcohol and caffeine; try to limit your intake of such things for better sleep. Next in line is nutrition, a combination of herbs and vitamins can help naturally relax the body and mind to help one get better sleep all night long. Green tea is an herb that is loaded with the amino acid l-Theanine, studies have shown l-Theanine to can help calm the brain, given todays high pass lifestyles most of us are still thinking about work or what needs to go on your grocery list while laying in bed, l-Theanine helps calm your thoughts for a better nights sleep. [https://youtu.be/2EPEBuS2ao0](https://youtu.be/2EPEBuS2ao0)","Relaxing Music. Meditation Music, Piano Music, Calm Sounds, Sleep Music.",0 +567," It’s that time of year already.   They’ve been selling wrapping paper and toys at Costco for 2 months now and the cashier asked if I wanted to pre-order my organic turkey the other day.  It’s the holidays! + +[https://www.foundhealth.com/blog/5-ways-stress-impacts-the-body%e2%80%a6and-what-to-do-about-it/](https://www.foundhealth.com/blog/5-ways-stress-impacts-the-body%e2%80%a6and-what-to-do-about-it/)",5 Ways Stress Impacts the Body…and What To Do About It!,0 +568,"I slacked off pretty much throughout my entire a levels and now that results day is in 3 days i’m consumed with anxiety. I’ve been a bum all my life, all i’ve done in the last 18 years is eat, gain weight, play games and sleep. not an ounce of effort. i did study for my finals but definitely not enough and i’m so nervous for my future. In the last two months ive started working out and have lost 10kgs but i still feel like a failure that’s going to amount to nothing. My regrets are sitting like a boulder in my gut and i cant do anything about it. I need help, i’m pretty sure i’m going to fail my A levels and no uni is going to want to take me. my life has come to a standstill and i have nothing but regrets. how do i feel less shitty about myself please it’s eating me alive.",I didn’t work hard enough during my 12th year of school and now i’m screwed,0 +569,Title says it all. I’m beyond stressed because even if I am able to pay the money it won’t be until the day before registration ends and even then I would have already missed a whole week of classes and be behind. I asked them if I could instead have a payment plan and still be able to register for classes for this upcoming semester while paying off the unpaid balance for last semester and they said no. I’ve been working everyday at my job and just putting it towards the balance but it seems like nothing is enough. College is a scam,I go back to college in 2 weeks and I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to pay off my unpaid balance before registration for the upcoming semester ends.,0 +570,"I think my routine is messed up, sometimes im awake to 4 AM and then wake up late like 2 PM. It stresses me out. Usually I did wake up 1 PM and go to sleep at 1 AM or 2 AM. +And I keep on checking clock when to eat and when to finish a meal, it stresses me out. + +I worried why cant i remember my usual routine, i feel like im in a hurry even tho im not, I have nothing to do but sticking to a routine is important to me. It stresses me out. + +Help i cant stop this cycle. +How to stick to a routine without overthinking every details...",Stressing about daily routine,0 +571,,Weekly checkup time! How is everyone going?,0 +572,,I was wondering if anyone had any tips on alleviations for stress/anxiety induced migraines? I have had one for the last for days and I’m having trouble getting rid of it…,0 +573,"I gotten my schedule for 12th grade and I nearly shat myself, i have two hours of daycare, meaning I'll be taking care of kids, then i have P.E, Government, English and then for the last two hours is work supervision, I literally had a panic attack and started breaking down because that's gonna be a crap ton of homework and stress. I don't know what to do,",new school schedule is making me have panic attacks,0 +574,"All sensations of feeling and emotion is gone from my body. I dont Feel numb, i Feel dead. + +My brain also feels non-responsive and i am only on autopilot. + +My body feels like stone. Too light. Nothing dragging it down causing a heavy feeling making it be my own. My arms feels so strange. It feels like I am not in my body. It is so mechanical. + +I dont sleep because i dont Feel sleepy. I never Feel calm in my body, just an unnerving neutral and restless feeling. + +I want to Feel, but there is nothing in my body. When i am sad and angry i just know, because there is nothing in my body. No surge of rage and no pain in my chest. + +When i lay down under my covers, i dont get a familiar calm and warm, heavy feeling in my body. It is still hard as stone on the inside. + +Also i dont Feel hunger. And never sleepy in my head. I also dont Feel confused in my head or get a foggy feeling. Even though i know that is what i am. + +I also never get a feeling associated with a place or memory. When i think of a memory i get no spontanious emotion connected to it. + +Like sitting on the terrace with a nice cup of tee, early morning walks, sitting down on the couch after a hard day of work. Never get these feelings in my body. Also the feelifn of autimn, friday, christmas. All gone. Cant even remember them in my mind because i cant Feel with my brain. + +All emotions are purely mental. Sometimes my brain is so numb though it does not respond to any stimulus. And i have this constant unsatisfactory feeling because nothing makes me Feel. + +All i have left is stress in my body. Nothing else. This bad restlessness i cant get out of. + +It feels like so bad! + +Anyone else experience this and get emotions back in the body?",Anyone else lose the ability to have emotions and feelings as physical sensations in the body?,0 +575,,"If anyone needs to take a moment and relax, calm down have a look at this calming music and moonlight ambiance - https://youtu.be/o5_WmPkckCU",0 +576,,I regret moving to Washington State to work as a caregiver.,0 +577," Life is full of stress. It is what drives your body’s natural fight-or-flight response, which aids you in protecting yourself from individuals, situations, and events that put your survival in danger. #stressManagement + +[https://onlinemkt.org/stress-management/](https://onlinemkt.org/stress-management/)",Stress Management,0 +578,"I thought I need to ""hustle my way to success"" but what I learned next changed my life forever… + +The ""hustle culture"" is pretty toxic... + +I was being told that working 10-12 hours a day, constantly chasing after the next task, and being totally drained afterwards, not even able to enjoy a dinner with my family is the way to success... + +And believe me, I've done that for way too long. + +After quitting my 9-5 job and deciding to start my first coaching business, I basically switched from working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. + +""Finally quit the rat race!"", huh? + +Quite frankly, it felt like less pressure than doing the typical 9-5 at the beginning because I was really excited to work on my dream. + +As the months passed, I was getting deeper and deeper into the grind. + +It got to a point where I would wake up at 9:00 am, already thinking about work, then work through the whole day, and still be replying to my clients' messages at 1:30 am, lying in bed with my girlfriend. + +My mind was constantly there - at work. + +At the dinner table, during a walk with my partner, even when skiing on vacation that I rarely took back then... + +I was constantly experiencing this weird sense of guilt when I wasn't productive, and even though my business was growing, so was my anxiety, stress, and lack of satisfaction with life. + +It eventually led to me getting sick so badly, that it was a struggle to even reply to a client's message. + +I was stressed out of my mind. + +It felt like everything is going to collapse on me if I keep going down that route. + +Finally, I decided to take a real break. + +I took a full 7 days off and decided to delete all the apps like Slack, Messenger and Gmail from my phone, which sounded absolutely crazy to me back then. + +But man, it felt liberating. + +Something clicked inside me, and finally, I was able to let go of all the pressure and stress that were haunting me. + +For the first time in months, I experienced this deep sense of relief and inner peace. + +By stepping out of this craziness, I was able to notice how toxic and unhealthy it was. + +How having healthy boundaries and balance in your life is key to actually enjoying what you're doing and what you're working so hard for. + +Now, I truly believe that me getting crazy sick back then was one of the best things that could have happened to me. + +It led to me finally re owning the enjoyment of my everyday life. + +Plus, my business started rapidly growing as a result of me allocating my time more effectively and creating more value in less time. + +It made me realize that much of ""the hustle"" I was doing was just me spinning my wheels on things that weren't really making the boat go faster. + +Now, I know for sure that the best way to achieve better results is to master both the work and the relaxation. + +To plan the life in such a way, that your wealth, health, and relationships are in perfect balance. + +Please don’t waste your life thinking that there’s some pride in being over-stressed, overworked, and overwhelmed.","The ""hustle culture"" is pretty toxic...",0 +579,"Hi there, so this playlist (available at both Apple Music and Spotify) came to life almost a year ago, when I'd finished researching the effects of listening to nature sounds. + +Easily explained:You may have heard about our inherited fight-or-flight response system, which is a major factor in stress and anxiety. Well, research has shown that listening to nature sounds triggers the opposite system, called rest-or-digest, which helps lowering your heart rate, ease tightening muscles and enable you to focus on fewer things. These system is, just like our f-o-f response, is inherited from our ancestors. We believe that reason behind nature sounds triggering this is that hearing birds, rain etc meant positive things for the caveman generations. Birds singing meant that there were no large predators around (as well as good soil), rain meant crops would grow, fire that they would survive the night and so on. + +Hope this helps everyone it reaches! + + +[Link to Playlist (Spotify and Apple)](https://linktr.ee/indigoease)","I'm a musicologist with 10+ years working on the correlation between audio and the brain. I've created a playlist with the most proven relaxing music out there. This will help ease stress, anxiety and help you be in the moment. Hope this reach as many as possible :)",0 +580,"I'm turning 23 soon and I still live at my parents house and they do the cooking and household and I don't work or study I'm always home, but still for some reason I feel like I'm at work 24/7, every tiny task is too much for me mentally, I do not get my stuff done, I have a small to-do list for myself but I procastrinate everything because I can't handle it + +Why is my mental energy to get anything done so incredibly low? I am diagnosed with depression and I guess I have a burnout, but there should be a solution this right? I have become such a lazy person...I doj't understand why","depression and burnout, please help",0 +581,"What can I do to reduce stress with such a busy life? I work and do school right now and my week is basically slammed packed at all times when I’m not sleeping. + +I’m already generally extremely sleep deprived and have recently started nodding off while driving home to/from work some days. A lot of days I don’t even have time to eat much of anything some days. + +What am I supposed to do? I feel very backed into a corner with all of this.",Stress help for a busy life.,0 +582,"Hey guys, so basically yesterday, something happened which made me extremely stressed, like i never been this stressed before so it just fucked me up, it was health related, i talked to a few friends, i felt better and i do feel a lot better rn, but I'm not the usual me. This stress is taking a toll on me, mentally and physically, i also had Globus sensation for some time, it resolved though, so i just wanna know what I can do to overcome this and feel better both physically and mentally","never experienced this much stress before, also i am young",0 +583,"When stress is not effectively managed over a long period of time, it can make it incredibly difficult to fall asleep. #sleep #stress + +https://onlinemkt.org/stress-and-sleep/",Stress and Sleep,0 +584,"I’m sooooo stressed. My insides are twitching. +I have diagnosed anxiety but it’s gotten a ton better and I’d say I’m stressed rn , not anxious so that’s good. But also not good because I just feel so stressed out. +I have so much to do at work, at home. I feel like I don’t have time to do it. And if I do have time then I have such low energy from being busy at work all day. +Gahhhhhh +Boss takes it easy and I end up with the work. Normally I’m fine with it because I do get recognition but this week was brutal. +Trying to buy a house, and omg the paperwork, the double guessing decisions , it’s all so scary. +I need to go home and clean and do laundry and make supper. And the send back housing paperwork , and review contract and plan things. +Trying to balance everything feels like too much rn.",So stressed out,0 +585,"Alcohol should not be used on all occasions to have fun. You must be able to relax and have fun without drinking. #stress #alcohol + +https://onlinemkt.org/stress-and-alcohol/",https://onlinemkt.org/stress-and-alcohol/,0 +586,"I’m trying out for the school soccer team on wednesday and I’m stressing out. For reference, I’m going into sophmore year of high school and I tried out last year and didn’t make it. It stresses me out because what if I don’t make it again. To fail once is one thing, but to fail twice is so much worse. I went to the gym, ran, and practiced throughout the summer, but idk if I am good enough. What I’m most worried about isn’t not making the team itself, its failing for the second time. I just had to talk to some people about this.",I have soccer tryouts on Wednesday and I’m really stressed.,0 +587," It’s that time of year already.   They’ve been selling wrapping paper and toys at Costco for 2 months now and the cashier asked if I wanted to pre-order my organic turkey the other day.  It’s the holidays!  For the vast majority of us living in the 21st century, the holidays bring added ***stress*** to our lives – financial expenditures, travel, time with family, office parties.  It’s just what the doctor ordered.  + +[https://www.foundhealth.com/blog/5-ways-stress-impacts-the-body%e2%80%a6and-what-to-do-about-it/](https://www.foundhealth.com/blog/5-ways-stress-impacts-the-body%e2%80%a6and-what-to-do-about-it/)",5 Ways Stress Impacts the Body…and What To Do About It!,0 +588,"For the past 4 years, I’ve been under constant stress that most tell me are once in a lifetime. In 2017, I lost my job, my father, and found out I was pregnant the same day. In 2018, I had my daughter and my closest male friend died suddenly in his early 30s just after she was born. In 2019 I lost my mother. In 2020, well duh, but I also lost the relationship with the rest of my family. In 2021, I had to manage my mothers estate and my sisters mental illness, while at my job my company almost went under and I had to agree to a pay hit to try save the jobs of my team. And now, we’re looking for investment (I’m COO btw), I finally got the sister under control, and her son showed up at my door bipolar, and I had to have him hospitalized and now he’s living with us. I’ve gained 50 pounds from the stress. I can’t take much more and of course all this puts a stress on my marriage. I couldn’t imagine surviving without him. Any ideas? Because frankly pithy notes to “destress” by taking yoga and lighting a candle feel pretty ridiculous in comparison",Need some ideas to manage stress while trying to navigate serious life events (deaths etc),0 +589,"I have two jobs and am finishing up my degree. There is never anytime where I can flip the switch off and relax. I’m always falling behind on deadlines unless I’m expending effort into academics for every waking second that I’m off work. + +Anybody else experience this? And if so, any tips for maintaining stress during this time?",Anyone here doing school while working full-time?,0 +590,"I realised the more I share with friends how I am feeling, all the things I talk about gets aggravated and become all the more stronger over time. + +Even when the friends and family are supportive and have tried their best and I understand everything they say, it’s difficult to adapt.",Does talking about it make it worse?,0 +591,"I’m 25 I live in NC and I’m absolutely stressed out. I was working at a Amazon for the last 9 months making 15.75. I have a 400 dollar car not and 1500 dollar rent to pay every month on top of 140 dollar car insurance and 80 dollar phone bill 70 dollar wifi bill and 30 dollar water bill and 30 dollar gas bill and pass due electricity bill of 345 dollars. I left Amazon for this new job that is paying me 21 dollars an hour. My back ground check took a long time to come back and for that reason I didn’t work for a week ( I left Amazon on the 25 of July because I was supposed to start 27th of July but back ground check took a while to reach my employer. ) I’ve asked my older sibling for some money ( I owe them 500 dollars ) I feel like I am getting no where but in debt. I feel guilty when I buy food or get gas ⛽️ to them point I physically get sick and sometimes even throw up from how sick I feel. I don’t feel good enough and I’m drowning. I have history with self harm and recently I began to cut my shoulders again. I rather feel physical pain than to feel like worthless broke POS. If I don’t end up taking my life, the stress will be the death of me. I fucking hate money.",Stressed out and self harming.,0 +592,"Hi. + +I'm 26 but I´m a bit behind in life (now trying to go fot my liscene and stuff). + +I did soms contract jobs and student jobs before but it is the first time it's for a whole month. It's my 4th day and it is 22 work days or so in total. I'm stressing out a lot. + +After this it is time to find a new job. A real one and I am so scared. They are now going to a restaurant without me. I feel so left alone because now I am the only one sitting here and I keep wondering... what if I will feel the same thing in my real job? This terrible feeling. The CEO was here and they were like... hey let's go to eat something together and then I realised I wasn't going with them because one girl said something like... we are bla bla but you can go outside to eat something and I'm glad she did because no one had the balls to say it to my face. And I get it, I'm a student but I would have feel better when they daid something like... you can gl with us but you have to pay for yourself because you arz a studenr and we don't pay for them here, do you want to come? Nope... I feel so left out. + +I think people give me stress. All the anxious feelings and stress, it is due to people. I think I want to cry. I hate this. Time to work I guess.",First real job - how,0 +593,"Work felt different, nice for normality. + +Instead of stress, today I was bored in parts, I stopped putting a guy on a pedestal as much, I could focus on the present, + +I even joined in on the guy chat with 3 of them, I know they hadnt been doing guy chat with me cos I used to mainly hangout with guys an they'd just been talking about jobs when I was around, they talked about weed, wanking & another girls underwear, they sex talk sometimes anyway but its usually along the lines of joking about my best mate + +Id also been avoiding chilling with them when theres more than 2 there but it flowed good with 3, I also avoided using peoples names an said the same NPC ""alright"" thing, be good to get back into normal convos + +I hope life can just be less stressful for a while an I hope I can get to be a less recluse version of myself an talk regularly. Just relax more.",First time I've not had to deal with the overbearing stress in quite a while an I'm hoping it can become more mellow from now on.,0 +594,"Hello everyone how is it going, im from colombia and since i was 10 or so, im so irritable, a loose lace, i explode, i hit my elbow, instant artery burst, everything from the smallest things gets me mad, im so worried all the time, games stresses me out, im a walking talking corpse of how skinny i look, food barely nourishes me, and im about to graduate from something so hard to get a job from and a career i didnt enjoy as i would have liked(graphic communication/ graphic design with focus on digital illustration, pretty much i kneecapped myself) and looking at my best friend, with a girlfriend, a nice job makes me go nuts (not jealousness, as he deserves his success but i thought i did too), anxiety is taking its toll my and my mind constantly fight like we were a dysfunctional married couple, is this a mental health issue or just me not growing up the ole git gut but not darksouls but real life, i can count how many things i like, but is impossible to count how many i dont, so many things i hate it cant be normal, so what do you think good people?",Irritability,0 +595,"For the last month I've been feeling fed up with my job and some of the people on my team. Every morning during meetings I fake being nice and wanting to talk with them, and the more they talk the angrier I've been getting lately. + +I've had mishaps happen and to me it seems like there is a lot of favoritism that happens in my work place. To keep that bit short, people that have left have said the same thing about the favoritism. + +My anger with my job is also spilling into my personal life because I'm having dreams about these people now! I don't want to see a handful of them while I'm working and now they are in my dreams! + +My personal life has been a hectic mess too, as I've made some huge life changes - for the better - but with the work B.S and the remodeling I'm doing (it's my parents' home that I'm staying in and working on) I have no fuse and blow up on just about everything. + +I had an idea of the work that needed done and in the order, and my dad does the exact opposite of what I ask and tell him to do. Now all of a sudden I need to spend both more time and money on a project I asked him to start a month ago. + +The reason the remodel is pissing me off is cause it's not just me staying in the home now, my partner is too and even with the upstairs space done, it's not enough space. I've thrown things away and so has he in an attempt to make room and my dad seems to think there is all the time in the world to complete the work. + +Has anyone had issues like this, where at work they feel wrongly treated and brood about it and the same goes for their personal life? + +Everything is driving me bonkers cause I can't leave my job cause I desperately need the cash and I'm worried that if I went to another job it would be even worse! I've been looking at open jobs that I could do a good job in and a lot of places I've been interested in have complaints like the ones I have now. + +Rant over (phew!), but how can I manage all this stress and stop dreaming about work when I'm off the clock. And how can I deal with such a stubborn dad that is making me angry and burdening me and my partner. I would hate for my spoiled mood to ruin things between me and my boyfriend.",Stressed In and Out of Work,0 +596,[https://blog.siriusxm.com/relax-collection/](https://blog.siriusxm.com/relax-collection/),Why Music’s Better Than Drugs for Anxiety,0 +597,"Hi 27M, 185lbs, 5'11 here. The last two days I've been pretty stressed out with work and started noticing that to the left of my left eye little close to the side forehead I've been getting this awful pinching feeling that comes and goes. I drink some caffeine during the day, but today decided to lay off of it and it's still coming in waves. The best I can describe it as a pinching vain. I started worrying that it might be a stroke or aneurysm but quickly chalked that up to just being anxiety. I've been feeling a little ""foggy minded"" too so I wonder if that has come to play too? Yesterday night I drank a few beers and it seemed to help, but then came back when I was sober. I take an antidepressant, and Ritalin daily but have been on them for years so I really don't think that's the case. Does anyone else get this headache feeling? if so, remedies? or should I go see a doctor? thanks.",Stress Headache?,0 +598,"Hello everybody. I am facing insomnia from the past one year. I got covid one year before. I was in hospital and at that time every few hours somebody is dying in front of me. I got so scared and anxiety hit me so hard that my mouth remains dry, my hands were shaking, my heartbeat doubles. I feels like i am going to die and this thought didn't let me sleep for 20 days straight in a row. Covid gone but now i got insomnia. I went to bed but didn't get even a single minute of sleep. I got so frustrated, the days was like hell, it was like somebody just take my soul out of body, i don't want to live anymore. Tried melatonin, Vitamin B6 Tablet, Got sunlight daily, nothing works. Then I consult to a doctor. She prescribed me to take clonazepam .25mg for 4 weeks and along to take mirtazapine 7.5mg. Then as per doctors suggestion i stopped taking clonazepam after 4 weeks and continued to take mirtazapine 7.5 mg. It was good for 8 months. I started exercise 30mins daily. Walk for 5 km daily. Now Few days before my body again started to facing insomnia( there is no stress, the insomnia comes automatically). In 10 days duration my sleep got reduced to 1 hour per day and now after 10 days i got no sleep not even a single minute. I don't know what happens to my body, i talked to my close persons tell about my problem but nobody understands me. Should i give a try to homeopathy medicine? I am sharing this to everybody on reddit, so that if anybody has any solution please guide me.",Help me please. Insomnia from 1 year. It feels like dying everyday,0 +599,"Everyone wants less stress. And that is why in this post I will talk about daily habits for a less stressful life. I myself apply these habits every day in my life. So everything I talk about comes from my own experience. Once you apply the methods in this post regularly they will eventually become habits. At first it may be difficult to apply these methods because it may all feel a little strange. But once you experience the positive effects you will find enough motivation to continue. + +WHY YOU NEED TO CREATE DAILY HABITS FOR A LESS STRESSFUL LIFE + +Most people do a lot in a day. And that can be incredibly wonderful, but it can also cause a lot of stress. And stress is not always bad for you. It can sometimes help you get the best out of yourself. But long-term stress can be very bad for your health. For example, it can cause your immune system to deteriorate, making you more likely to get sick. But it can also cause you to become irritable and your mood to deteriorate. Ultimately, it can also cause you to have almost no energy or motivation left to do things. In addition to the aforementioned consequences of long-term stress, there are many more consequences that you don’t want to have either. And to reduce the risk of these consequences it can be helpful to create habits for a less stressful life. + +FOCUS ON YOUR BREATHING FOR A LESS STRESSFUL LIFE + +Sometimes people get a lot of stress because they get lost in thoughts. To prevent you from overthinking and getting stressed, it is useful to sometimes focus on your breathing. For example, if you are busy working or studying, remind yourself to focus on your breathing once every 10 minutes. You don’t have to breathe differently! Just let your breathing flow naturally but focus on it for a moment. Feel the air go in and out. + +MEDITATION IS ONE OF THE DAILY HABITS FOR A LESS STRESSFUL LIFE + +Meditation can help you unwind completely. You can meditate by sitting down and focusing on your breathing. As guidance you can say to yourself ¨in¨ when you inhale and ¨out¨ when you exhale. Then as your breathing gets deeper and slower you can say “deep” and “slow” to yourself. + +MAKE A DAILY HABIT OF GOING OUTSIDE FOR A LESS STRESSFUL LIFE. + +The environment you are in can affect how much stress you experience. Suppose you are in an environment where you are constantly receiving signals that cause stress. Such as phone calls, emails, or other things that remind you of stressful situations. Then it can be useful to get away from this situation for a while. And preferably it can be useful to go to a park, forest, lake or sea. Because in these environments there is often a lot of space and there are few or no things that cause stress. + +WALK MINDFULLY + +And when you’re walking, pay attention to your footsteps and your breathing. Inhale and take, for example, three steps. And then when you exhale, take another three steps. Also feel how your feet touch the ground. This mindful way of walking gets you out of your head and into the moment. + +GO EXERCISE AND FEEL THE STRESS DISAPPEAR + +Being physically active is incredibly important. But it’s also incredibly helpful to exercise if you want to release stress. I myself really feel the stress disappear when I exercise. And if I’ve trained really hard I’m sometimes so tired that I don’t even feel like stressing about anything anymore haha. You don’t necessarily have to train super hard. The stress can also disappear during an easy workout. Or go for a jog while listening to your favorite music and feel the stress disappear. + +HELP YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY + +I wish you much success in applying these methods for a less stressful life. Hopefully you can apply them so often that they become habits in your daily life. But I do want to ask you one more thing. I suspect that you have friends and family who also sometimes suffer from long-term stress. You can help these friends and family by sending them this post. And maybe you can start creating these habits together which will make it a lot easier for both of you. Because working together on something ensures that you motivate each other. + +[(Originally from this blog post)](https://quintenvanommen.com/daily-habits-for-a-less-stressful-life/)",Daily habits for a less stressful life,0 +600,"Hello! I get really easily stressed but my stress turns into rage really Quick. I get so angry and its stressing me out cause I will get stressed about literally anything. I get really anxious from stress but my anger is whats really destroys me because sometimes i cant control it and I will answer texts really rudely and tell them to stop talking to me, lash out on my poor partner who does nothing but help and accidentally trigger me. Its the smallest things too, he's just asking about plans for next week but im not done with this week yet so it stresses me out so much cause I feel exhausted already, but he's literally just ASKING.. I dont know what to do I feel like shit for telling him i need time to calm down when he hasnt even done anything wrong...",How to stop the anger,0 +601,https://youtu.be/afIZ-QyzVdY,Beat stress and relax with rain and thunder sounds 😌,0 +602,"I got to come clean I been helping a friend with money gave all I had and sold my valuables and it not enough to help his kids I don't know what to do. +Please pray my friend is having money troubles and can't afford food or medication do to his bank having problems with his account. Pray for me to I feel and I don't have any money to help my friend he come on bad times and I am broke till October I gave him all I could month ago now I have nothing else to give. Plus I owe about 50k plus in student loans. I helped them and this is my reward being broke for having a heart. It like nothing I do matters. No one wants to help and those who have gave me money in the past thank you. I sorry I need 100 bucks I just need money now and I deserve this punishment for putting myself out there to help i am so stressed his kids say he need the medication.",I must confess,0 +603,"I've been undergoing a lot of stress as of late from some new developments in my life, and that has led me to lashing out at people, both friends and family, who are either trying to help or just engage in conversation. + +I've always been a pretty social guy, introverted but I like going out to see people and I get invited to random functions from time to time, so I take it as a sign that at least some people like my company lol. + +Its just that when I'm under intense duress like I am now, my immediate instinct is to take as much control as possible, and that can make me agitated and forget that the person I'm talking to/interacting with might not appreciate that I'm coming on strong. + +I've never had anger issues, I don't get violent, I just get pretty mean, and that's an ugly part of me that I don't like. I feel like I've already pushed some people away, I would just like to talk about some coping strategies that could help. I already exercise and read often, work full time, and don't really have any responsibilities outside of that if I'm being honest. + +I don't know, sorry for a rambly post, I've never really opened up about *personal* and *touchy* feelings like this and even if I don't get real advice, then just putting it into words will help solidify the problem for me.",Tips On Stopping Myself From Lashing Out At People?,0 +604,"Hey, usually when I go to bed to sleep and I'm not extremely sleepy to fall asleep right after I almost always sense/feel my heart beating on my neck/throat/ears it's not like it's beating faster than usual or beating harder but I still feel/sense the vibration/pulse of it, when I get jumpy/startled/scared I feel/sense a sudden strong heartbeat right after the event and it's like I feel the sudden increase of cortisol/adrenaline being released inside my body.. ( I sort of feel my sweat production increasing ) even though propranolol improved that which wasn't the case with bisoprolol that was almost totally useless...( wasn't totally useless because it controlled heart rate and blood pressure to acceptable levels as well but still the physical symptoms when I got scared still remained ) the thing here is that I'm always without energy, my brain processes very little information from my senses from the moment I wake up and struggles to keep up with that small amount of information to not say that physically I can feel that I don't have much energy and in terms of stamina I get tired pretty quickly mentally and physically which only gets ""treated"" when I take a stimulant that is working at 100%. Ah and propranolol is controlling my blood pressure and heart rate to acceptable levels even when I take a stimulant. It makes me confused about my CNS if it is overactive or underactive.....",feeling heartbeat in bed,0 +605,"Hello, + +I just wanted to say that I feel like I’m in a really bad place right now. Everything stresses me out. I keep getting so stressed out with everything, and it doesn’t seem to stop. + +I get so worried and worked up about everything, and everything just seems to go wrong. + +I’m on holiday with my parents at the moment. It’s been good, and I’ve been enjoying it, but the stress doesn’t stop. + +I’ve had issues with stress, anxiety, OCD and depression for a long time, and I’m trying my best to deal with how I’m feeling in a healthy way, but it’s just so difficult. + +Everything just seems to come with more stress, more anxiety, more confusion, frustration and uncertainty. + +I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.",It won’t stop,0 +606,"If you’re interested, you can dm me (if that’s allowed and if you’re comfortable with it) or send me an email on ishas8300@gmail.com +It is on 3rd August, 6:30-8pm INDIAN STANDARD TIME",Conducting a workshop on stress management for the learning disabled and what you can do to help! Anyone interested/in a capacity to help may join.,0 +607,"Yoga is an ancient tradition that’s been proven to help with stress, anxiety, and pain. It helps people connect with their bodies and mind, so you can live a happier and healthier life.",Yoga - Healthy Life,0 +608,"Some couples get pregnant easily while some do not despite trying for a long time. There could be multiple factors contributing to difficulty conceiving but of all of them, stress plays a significant role. Stress does not directly cause infertility however it does impact the chances of conception by delaying it. Infertility has become very common now and the factors contributing to it are multiple, ranging from physical causes, and dietary changes to even excessive use of gadgets. There is enough research to prove that stress can adversely affect a couple’s chances of conception naturally or through medical procedures like IVF. So, what is the relationship between stress and infertility? + +## The science behind stress and infertility + +When we are stressed, our brains release *cortisol*, a stress hormone that interferes with the signals between the brain and the ovaries, thus disrupting the ovarian cycle and the release of the ovarian eggs. In the case of men, sperm production and motility are impacted. Apart from the body’s response, stress contributes to behavior and mood changes too. There is a decrease in the desire and motivation to have sex. There is an increase in smoking or drinking alcohol in order to cope with stress which in turn causes trouble with conceiving. + +## Understand the vicious cycle + +Stress and conception are highly connected. Most often, couples who are trying to conceive become dejected when it takes a longer time. Some find the medical procedures involved in the process to be taxing. For example, most couples going through IVF procedures are often stressed out. This in turn affects the biology and behavior of the couple, thereby creating a vicious cycle. Stress management is thus necessary in order to break free from this cycle which in turn would help a couple conceive. + +**Managing stress** + +Some amount of stress is normal. However, if one is continuously anxious and hassled by circumstances around them, it will deeply impact conception. + +[Learn more](https://www.cadabamshospitals.com/the-relationship-between-stress-and-infertility/)",The relationship between stress and infertility,0 +609,[https://antiinflammatoryfoods.org/2022/07/25/cortisol-and-stress-what-is-cortisol/](https://antiinflammatoryfoods.org/2022/07/25/cortisol-and-stress-what-is-cortisol/),What is Cortisol - Stress & Cortisol,0 +610,"A lot has happened to me and I feel like I’m going actually crazy. +It all started in late 2019 and 2020 +I started dealing w panic attacks for the first time which severely mentally fucked me up. +Was having attacks everyday for months on end. And this is around the time I started drinking heavily. It was the only thing helping me. +Then I started to develop vertigo, just randomly it would feel like I’m falling or the ground was swaying back and forth and it still happens to this day randomly +Cut to me a little later in life I managed to cut the stress back a lot and I was happy but then we’ll ofc it came back. +Recently the alcohol caught up to me and my system and I drank so much developed gastritis and I’m going thru that rn. Stomach pain sucks so much luckily it isn’t to bad but unlocked my health phobia my brain is constantly hurting, my brain feels like it’s on the verge of just going crazy, feels like I can’t control my thoughts, my heart skips beats. +The way I figured I was truly stressed was my teeth never noticed it before but I clench my teeth pretty much the whole day causing my head to start hurting it’s all too much and now it’s ruining my sleep I truly hate this I truly do. I miss being young w no worries. +I just am so done so so done",Feel like I’m losing control of my brain,0 +611,"I have a demanding job where I get abuse daily because of the nature of the work. I work for a service - like pretty much everywhere - that under pays and over works their staff. I never get out on time and I work unsociable hours. The staff are difficult to work with also, toxic and selfish. It’s just not worth it anymore. + +My problem is I’m struggling to find another unskilled job that matches the pay and I have just bought a house. I can’t go to another job on less money. I feel stuck in a rut and I can feel myself slipping mentally - I have teary eyes pretty much 24/7 but can’t seem to cry. + +Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did you fix it?",Unable to switch off from work stress and now I can’t enjoy my personal life,0 +612,"I can’t handle the stress anymore. I feel fine for a while, but there’s always something. Something always happens that I can’t handle. + +Something goes wrong or something isn’t working properly, or just anything. + +Then it’s all I can think about and it just makes me feel so bad. + +This always happens. I never seem to get any better at dealing with it. I just can’t handle it anymore. + +It just seems like nothing can ever go right. Everything always has to go wrong. Nothing can ever be simple. And I just can’t handle it. I’m just so stressed and overwhelmed.",I just can’t do it anymore,0 +613,,"I had three years of really intense stress, what can I do now to make sure I don't have adverse effects and have a healthy brain?",0 +614,"I cant seem to function when Im stressed and I get stressed extremally quickly (in a couple minutes) and things escalate up to the point where Im pulling my hair out, smashing my head with my fists and punching myself. Ive tried controlling it, destressing, taking deep breathes ect.It seems like this is the only way to get it out. I cant seem to deal with stress like a normal human being. Its very exhausting and making me depressed as I feel incompetent with the way I deal with stress. Im 19 Ive been dealing with stress this way my whole life . As Ive gotten older I have been able to limit the amount of outbursts but I still seem to have them. I dont know what is wrong with me. I'm scared things will escalate even further and I might hurt others. I",Stress is ruinung my life.,0 +615,https://youtu.be/TutkBqEnP3A,Ultimate stress relief. Listen to rain drops and feel relaxed 😌,0 +616,"i don’t want to grow up. the thought of becoming an adult is overwhelming. +the cost of living has risen so much, do you seriously expect me to be able to fund myself, a home and bills with minimum wage? +the pressure of needing to do well academically is stressful. i know im smart, but in regards to how smart i am in comparison to others my age. i feel i am nothing. +im strong minded and driven but im not inherently a genius, nor do i have the skill set of one. +i lack versatility, perseverance and self discipline. +i give up easy and lose hope upon the slightest bit of ‘failure’. +i do not have a large skill set and therefore rely too much of my ‘strengths’ compromising and over performing to make up for my inability to do well at other skills. +deep down i know the persistence to attend university is understandable but ultimately what does it leave me with? +debt? stress? no guaranteed job/salary to match my years of education? +i genuinely worry i will become a useless adult. +i have no doubt there’s far more capable people than me who have more potential who would be a better fit into society. +im currently young and beautiful but that will only get me so far. +even now i have overwhelming waves of sadness that make me feel sick to my stomach. i can’t imagine how ill deal with that as an adult. +i indulge in self pity too much which in turns only makes me feel more pity for myself as it makes me hyper aware of my existence and how lost i am. +though i am beautiful i feel that can only get me so far. my intellect feels inferior than those around me and i feel as if the best i will ever amount to is mediocrity. +though im not an adult yet im already theorising what to do with my life if i fail at becoming an one. + +edit: for people asking 16f, i have a job but it’s just fast food. im strongest in fields such as the humanities in particularly history and politics, literature, visual arts and textiles. however my weaknesses are maths (my head struggles to grasp anything that’s not basic math), and most sciences however i am passing my psychology class which i like.",don’t want to grow up,0 +617,"Hi, I don't know if it's the right place to post this but lately I have been figuring out the features of a life-long problem of mine. I would call it the simple inability to manage stress but I want to be more specific and Im curious if other people can feel the same based on how I describe it. I would describe the relation between me and stress in this way: + +\- The incapacity to accept stress and everyday fatigue as a normal part of life (referred also to very simple tasks) + +\- The forced splitting between ""bad days"" and ""good days"" where in the bad days Im not allowed to feel good because of some stressful tasks to do that basically ruin the whole day, while in the good days Im not allowed to feel stressed because ""Im not supposed to feel so"" and Im not meant to do some extra stuff that would cause some fatigue. It also ends up in hating the ending of a ""good day"" becuase tomorrow is gonna be a ""bad day""... You know when sunday is ending and monday is the next day, or also when you're coming back from a vacation, Basically the inability of enjoying the moment because my mind is always projected in the future. + +\- Rejection of the idea of facing new stressful situations: this becomes particulary strong whenever I just came through some stressful stuff, my mind sells to me a higher level of stress tolerance/performance in a particular moment, with the promise that Im not going to face new similar situations in the future... I use to motivate myself during difficult moments with the thought that afler that everything is over, Im going to rest and it's gonna be a good time. But this also tricks my mind into thinking that there are not going to be similar stressful situations in the future overall, which obviously can't be true. + +\- The high expectation before a supposed ""good day"" or ""good time"" is about to come... as if it's going to be a super regenerating moment for me that will restore all my power of will. This is not rational and not realistic most of the times because everyone would never get enough of a ""good time"" and unpleasant things can happen during a planned good time as well. + +\- Feeling envious towards people who are not going through a stressful moment while I am. Focusing almost in an obsessive way on other people around me who are chilled and are not facing anything difficult. In those moments I forget that everyone has stressful moments just not at the same time, I am the free person when other are facing hard moments. + +\- the excessive anxiety and discomfort before a task that I know its' going to be stressful... also an easy one. As if my mind was trying to convince me that Im never supposed to be stressed and that's not normal for me doing stuff that I don't like even if they're necessary.",Is this a psychological condition? Or just inability to deal with stress?,0 +618,I was given the chance to sing at a funereal and I was honored to sing. However they have changed the song last minute and I’m stressing over this extremely. Not singing isn’t an option; as it would disappoint so many. I’m trying to get the song down; however it’s getting to me. Any advice?,Singing at a funeral and they have given me a different song the day of,0 +619,"I am so fucking sleep deprived. I feel utterly stupid and worthless. +Give me a break from college and exams. It's been a burnout season for too long.",I think all this late night studying and the caffeine overload is bound to give me a heart attack,0 +620,,YOU ARE MORE THAN YOU KNOW! AND I LOVE YOU.,0 +621,"Does anyone else have anxiety in booking flights? For me it becomes a game of chess where I can't stop optimizing for the least shitty combination but I find myself paralyzed in picking between different combinations. I wish I could just book one and be done but my mind keeps nagging and wondering if a certain option is better. In the end, I spend so much time doing something that could have been done in a snap and by the time I'm ready to book all the good flights are sold out. Its a really weird kind of procrastination/anxiety that I'm not sure how to fix.",Flight Booking Anxiety,0 +622,I have been stressed many times in my life but current issues with my teenage son are making me feel almost drugged. I keep falling asleep while sitting up and when I’m awake I feel detached from reality. I tried to have coffee to stay awake but it’s just making my insides shake without clearing up anything in my brain/psyche. I don’t know if this is a question or just an attempt to hear from anyone so I can re-engage with the world.,Feeling drugged from stress,0 +623,but I don't know what to do with my life,drawing is stressing me out,0 +624,"I need some advice dealing with pent up stress. + +I'm a full time college student in Electrical Engineering, and I also work 20 hours a week during the semester at my job. My courses alone are really stressful for me, but combined with work and responsibilities at home, I am constantly stressed out. Mentally I can cope in the moment and push through, but that is not my problem unfortunately. + +I store all of the stress somewhere and never release it. It builds up over days, weeks, months, until eventually it all comes out. Even if I ""decompress"" after a long day I don't really feel like I got it all out. Over time my body starts to get stiff because of the stress, and eventually my back locks up on me. I never have a mental breakdown due to stress, just my body locking me down until it can relax. + +Currently my jaw and hamstrings feel like they are tight enough to snap in half, and my back is stiff. I've been dealing with this for years and haven't found a way to sort it out, so I am looking to see if anyone here has advice on how to deal with the stress before I do irreparable damage to my body. + +Thanks for any help.",Need help dealing with stress,0 +625,"This is a vent to help myself de-stress? Lol! For the past 7 years, that I have lived in my current city, I have unfortunately moved from one lousy situation into the next, due to thinking it was a good idea to move in with friends to help out my crummy finances and needing cheaper rent. For the past almost 3 years due to the pandemic and other situations, I moved into a “rooming” type housing situation, which for the past 2 and a 1/2 years, me and my dog did have full use of a basement to ourselves. Last July, my company announced that they would be laying off around 40 people, myself included. What my stupid company didn’t bank on, was supply chain issues with getting key integral parts to operate equipment, so they kept delaying our end of work date for the past 12 months. When I found out that I was to be laid off a year ago this July, I stupidly told the lady I rented my basement from about the news, but seeing how at the time, my company didn’t announce when our actual end date would be due to supply chain issues, she took it upon herself and “guessed” that my end date would be around May of this year and I will have been moved out, so, she went ahead and rented the basement out to a family of three. This was a major jerk move on her part. Seeing how I am really strapped for cash and couldn’t afford to get another apartment for me and my dog with not knowing when I would actually be moving out, she offered for me to move into her “sunroom” this past May, until my end date, and she she would move her mattress into her living room to sleep in. My company finally announced that our end of work date would be at the end August, this past May, and I unfortunately have to stay on working and living where I am due to those reasons. Seeing how this past year has been touch and go with NOT knowing when my company would announce this end of work date, and with not knowing when this opposed announcement would be happening, I thought it would be stupid to move somewhere else, and have to sign a lease for however long, so seeing how I live month to month here, I chose to stay. Since moving into her “sunroom,” it has been a friken nightmare. She consistently picks on me and flat out accuses me of doing things that I haven’t done. I am not allowed to flush the toilet unless “it’s brown,” she accused me of “killing” her precious plant, I have to keep the sunroom door shut during the day so that the heat doesn’t come through the whole house…friken stupid stuff like that. She has gotten a bit too overly attached to my dog as well, and drops stubble “hints” about how happy my dog is living here 😑 my dog and I will be relocating to another province to attend school, so I can upgrade my current skills at the end of August. Just this past Wednesday, my friend, got word that she has to go work out of town this week, so she offered for me and my dog to go and stay at her place, to get away from the madness here and also mind her cat. When I told the lady this, she mentioned how this wouldn’t be a good idea and how it would disrupt my dog’s routine with living here and how it is probably super hot at my friend’s apartment (meanwhile she has no air conditioning here). The first night there wasn’t so good, because my dog was in unfamiliar area, and she was all nervous and panting a lot. My dog has done this many times before when camping, or going away for a holiday…so I got her some “calming” spray to see if that would help. My dog and I came back to the house last night, because I have my car scheduled for servicing, and a garage which is literally 5 minutes away from the house, so instead of staying at my friend’s apartment, we came back here to sleep last night, for getting to the garage would be way easier in the morning. When we arrived back last night, the lady in question was like “ohhh she is so happy to be back” of course she would, she is in familiar surroundings…however, seeing how we’ll be moving at the end of August and staying in hotels over night and other friend’s places…staying at my friend’s apartment is a good trial run. When I mentioned that to the lady…she munched up her face as if to say “oh…I don’t like the sounds of this.” So, I am at the point with waiting for her to literally say to me “why don’t you just leave your dog with me” and that is when I will snap. Thanks to all who read my vent…",Having a hard time,0 +626,"It is crucial to learn how to deal with various stressors successfully. Those who lack adequate coping abilities loathe their jobs over time. On Sunday, they dread returning to work on Monday, and once back at the office, they count the days until the following weekend. These factors will undoubtedly result in job exhaustion and possible resignation due to excessive stress. + +However, there is a superior strategy that begins with employing straightforward techniques that anyone can understand + +[https://divineyouwellness.com/blog/cope-with-job-stress/](https://divineyouwellness.com/blog/cope-with-job-stress/)",10 Simple Ways To Cope With Job Stress,0 +627,"This is going to be super long, but I would really appreciate someone out there taking the time to read it... + +I've been working a relatively stressful job for the last four years. The stress was manageable until about a year ago when I was given the responsibility of managing a global team of systems administrators in the US, Hungary and India that all work to give 24/7 coverage to my company. I can't go into specifics of our work, but I can say that we are an extremely important team. There are a lot of reasons behind why I have become increasingly stressed out, the main one being that I have personally been the only point of failure for the whole thing for almost the entire year. I can't take a day off, or sometimes even an hour off without someone from like 14 time zones away trying to escalate something to me, or my boss of they can't reach me directly. Before this past week, I had taken one scheduled day off, and I still got a call from my boss asking to get people online for an outage. + +Let me say, my boss is amazing. She is the best example of leadership I've ever had in any job, and I've worked IT for like 25 years. She just has a very demanding job role also, and I am in a spot where I'm kind of working 4-5 different full time job roles, and one of those job roles requires that I get people online for outages which are not at all related to the global team I'm responsible for. + +The past few months, people have increasingly seen that I'm getting more and more stressed to the point where I had a chat with HR because I had started working like 75+ hour weeks sometimes until 2am. I basically said that ""because of how I've been forced to set this whole team up within the guidelines I'm given by upper management (not my direct boss), nobody else has time to work this project, so if I don't do the work myself, it can't get done."" + +I mean, everyone saw it coming including me. Then last week happened. I was supposed to have Friday off as a normal day because leadership rotates Sundays for the other full time job role apart from the project, so every time I work a Sunday, I get the following Friday off. We had a major issue happen on Thursday which we knew would carry into this coming weekend, so I was going to cancel both my Friday off and the planned time I had on the calendar for like three months from Wednesday - Sunday this week because I knew everything would get messed up if I didn't. + +Well, I decided, this was a chance for me to test if other parts of leadership can actually do their jobs. Instead of canceling my time off like I have literally every other time something like this has happened the last year, I decided to take it. However, I gave my peers the plan of what needed to happen from Friday - Sunday, laid out for them completely, and all but spoonfed them. I went into it trying to just expect people to do their jobs. All they had to do was say ""Ok, we have the plan, here's this person who can do this thing that needs to get done, I'll have them do it..."" I also knew it wasn't going to happen like that. I knew... I knew that come Sunday evening, nothing would get done. So, I went Friday without checking my work phone. I went Saturday without checking my work phone. Then Sunday rolled around, and I finally checked... sure enough, even though my peers had the plan, it wasn't executed. I had to log in on Sunday to quickly get the right weekend people on it, and because things weren't executed on time during Friday/Saturday like I said they needed to be, it caused two huge outages like twelve time zones away. + +I went into work on Monday morning completely distraught. I met with my directs under me basically telling them that what happened is not their fault, and an effect of ineffective leadership which I'm largely responsible for. I sat there for a good 45 minutes apologizing to them, telling them what I plan to do going forward, and also commiserating because I was really as stressed as they were about it. + +During that talk, something broke in me, I think. Like, I had known that I was the sole failure point globally, but I was fine with that as long as I had people who could simply just organize whatever plan I gave them. I gave them that plan on Thursday, trying to clear things off my plate as I have been advised to do by my boss and HR, just expecting them to do basically the bare minimum, and they weren't capable of executing. I finally actually felt the full weight of being the sole failure point of global operations, and it crushed down on me so hard that I could barely breathe. + +I went to my boss after that meeting, and told her I had to leave for the day, but I would be back the next day. I took Monday off, almost too full of anxiety to even drive home, but made it then just watched movies I'd seen a hundred times already all day because I couldn't process any new information. I felt alright though, like at the end of it I had a sense of purpose, and renewed motivation. I woke up Tuesday completely ready to rock it at work, but as soon as I pulled out of the parking lot, I started to get a feeling I've only ever felt once before. I hopped on the highway, and the closer I got to work, the more I felt it. Then, it happened. I had a panic attack. I had to pull off the highway to turn around to go home. The second I had my car going back the other way, I felt like I could breathe even though I was still having heart palpitations, tunnel vision, numb tongue, etc. I got home, called my boss, and was straight up with her stating I had a panic attack on my way in, and I would not be making it. + +Then came yesterday. I had to make a five hour drive back to my hometown for the plans I had made for the aforementioned scheduled time off. I was happy, looking forward to it, couldn't wait to get back, but as soon as I got on the highway, the dread set in. The obsessive thoughts set in. I spent the next five hours in panic attack mode to the point where I don't know how I actually drove the car. All I wanted to do was get home, so I kept going, but I stopped like six times to re-center myself on a trip that I don't generally even stop on once. + +I got here, took a breath, sat down for a bit, and things were okay. But ever since, it's been a mixed bag of being okay for a while, then like 30-60 minutes of panic attack... then being okay again, then another panic attack. Thankfully, I spent today playing golf with my family which is what I had been looking so forward to, but it took like an hour for me to come into reality when we first started out. + +Then I got back, took a nap, and woke up in a panic attack about an hour later. + +Like, this is not at all my natural state. I am normally a very chill person who handles stress immensely well. I have had one panic attack before during a very difficult time, but I've never had multiples of them, and I've most certainly never had a nervous breakdown... but I think that's where I am. I've tried talking to my family, but none of them really understand because none of them has ever really had this kind of breakdown. General depression, anxiety, and that stuff, so they can relate (haha, family can relate...) on that level, but it's like I can barely be a functioning human. That's what they can't relate with. + +That's why I decided to post here hoping that someone else can relate, and just let me know this is going to end at some point. I'm not suicidal, or anything, I'll suffer through whatever I have to suffer though, I just need to have a light at the end of the tunnel. + +Have you ever seen Se7en? You know that part where they find the guy Kevin Spacey had been keeping alive for a year, and the doctor said ""If I were to shine a light in his eyes right now, he'd die of the stress...""? That's where I feel like I am. Like any source of any stress from anywhere that raises my adrenaline whatsoever just throws me into a panic attack. I am trying to deal, but it's difficult feeling like there's no end in sight because I've never experienced this before so I don't know what to expect. + +If you made it this far, thank you for reading my novel. I really super appreciate it, and owe you cookies. Possibly also milk, but milk probably doesn't travel too well in the mail.","I think I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I've never had one before. Thoughts, and suggestions greatly appreciated.",0 +628,"I can’t deal with the stress no more + +Mind is feeling fucking sore + +My Body feeling fucked and tore + +bank account is in a droit, and +My mental health, is fucking poor + +can’t buy food at any store + +Because I have no income anymore + +Had some, bad dumb… +jobs…and they fucked me for sure!! + +And the stress, I need less, maybe pill will be a pain free cure + +Don’t know any fucking more + +And that shit is for fucking sure",Rap/Poem Stress is DESTROYING my mind!! 🤯,0 +629,"Basically, what the title says... I (28F) get extremely anxious, restless and stressed whenever I have to make any type of decision. Lately, I've had to make a lot of decisions about buying furniture, and I've been thinking about the color palet for more than a year, I've downloaded more that 4000 photos of rooms that I like, of furniture that I like, but I always end up second guessing my choices... I want the best of both worlds and I know I can't have it all at once. I want a dark moody room but at the same time I want a light and airy room. Can anyone understand me?",Making decisions makes me extremely anxious and stressed,0 +630,Today at work they informed me out of the blue that tomorrow I'm gonna have to start working in another building and I am very stressed. Took a lot of pills and I just drank a glass of wine to calm down and get some sleep. I can't cope with the stress. I'd rather just die that have to go through this fear of tomorrow..,"Changing workplace tomorrow, can't cope with stress",0 +631,"We all experience stress in our lives, but sometimes it can become overwhelming. If you're feeling stressed out, there are some things you can do to reduce the amount of stress in your life. + +➲ **Identify the source of your stress**. + +One of the first steps to reducing stress is to identify the source of it. What is it that's causing you to feel stressed? Once you know what it is, you can start to figure out ways to deal with it. + +➲ **Make a plan**. + +If you know what's causing your stress, make a plan to deal with it. If it's something you can't change, like a work deadline, make a plan to better manage your time so you don't feel so overwhelmed. If it's something that's causing you anxiety, like a fear of public speaking, make a plan to face your fear head-on. + +➲ **Take a break**. + +When you're feeling stressed, sometimes the best thing you can do is take a break. Step away from whatever is causing you stress and take some time for yourself. Relax and rejuvenate and you'll be better equipped to deal with the stressor when you're feeling refreshed. + +➲ **Talk to someone**. + +If you're feeling stressed, talking to someone can be a great way to relieve some of the tension. Talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone who will listen and can offer support. Just getting things off your chest can be a huge stress relief. + +➲ **Eat healthy and sleep enough**. + +A a healthy diet is also important for managing stress. Be sure to include plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins in your diet. + +Also, make sure to get enough sleep. When we’re tired, we’re more likely to feel stressed. aim for eight hours of sleep every night. + +➲ **Exercise**. + +Exercise is a great way to reduce stress. Not only does it help to release tension, but it also boosts endorphins, which can make you feel happier and more relaxed. + +➲ **Practice Relaxation techniques**. + +Consciously relax your body, through practices like progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, meditation, or simply taking some deep breaths. + +**Read more here in details** → [10 Ways to Cope with Stress](https://www.livewelltalk.com/2020/08/10-ways-to-cope-with-stress.html)",How can you reduce the stress in your life?,0 +632,"Hey! Just need some help managing my stress. + +I'm a middle schooler. My parents never forced me to study. I get decent grades. But I never seem to be satisfied with the amount of work I'm putting in. I'm always anxious, and I'm always thinking that I have to study. + +And If I'm taking a break, lying on the couch, or watching Youtube, I can't be at ease because I still feel like I haven't worked enough and I have to do more. + +I don't particularly like my studies, and sometimes I need a break. But I can't relax because of this. The stress from this pressure is also affecting my physical health, so I thought that I really need some help. + +Anyone got any ideas on how to fix this? Thanks for reading.",I feel anxious if I'm not studying at the moment and I can't rest at ease,0 +633,,I LOVE YOU 😘 <> AND YOU ARE LOVED,0 +634,"I can’t seem to relax my head. It’s always in a stressed state. I can feel the pressure on my head from the top and on the sides. It’s just there consistently. I am always under stress it seems. Yes, I have some financial stressors in my life but I hate this pressure on my head. I tried meditation but it just doesn’t go away.",My head is always under pressure,0 +635,"Just bought a house. Had 60k cash a few months ago, 17k now after closing and a new AC install. Business is slower than I'd like. I'm self employed. + +Have a toddler, 16 months old. + +Have 30k in credit limit to ""fall back on"" if things go that far. + +Wife is now looking for a work from home job. + +I can't wake up without anxiety to do do do. Fear it's not going to be enough and we'll lose the house. + +I hate making money",Would you be stressed?,0 +636,"I need to write cards, I hate writing cards. I never know what to say. I also don’t know who to write them to bc dad didn’t make a full list for me. + +Then I have this ten hour math thing I need to do for college cause I don’t wanna take two math classes. + +I’m also struggling to figure out what kind of computer I need to college cause originally I was gonna just get an iPad but I’m being told ser eral different things that all make sense. + +It’s really got me down and thinking of whether I made the right choice to go to college. Im not smart, im not motivated, im not independent, I don’t even know how my bank account works or how im supposed to work on campus. Which I have to sign up for a job. Crap that’s another thing I have to do. + +I feel so worthless and stressed. I wish the tree by my house would just fall on me and kill me. It would make my life so much easier. Ik my family would hurt but I don’t feel lived by them anyways…",I have so much to do and no motivation to do it,0 +637,"Curious if anyone else here has suffered diverticulitis, as I am currently on my 5th flare-up and my doctor is recommending surgery evaluation since its happened to many times. I have been under a ridiculous amount of stress lately at work (not that it is a contest), and I decided to research if stress was a factor with diverticulitis. Turns out it apparently can be, so now I'm trying to find better ways to deal with my stress in hopes that it will help resolve this problem without surgery. + +My primary form of stress relief since last year has been freestyle BMX. I have found after a particularly stressing day, just going out there and hitting the skatepark or practicing new tricks really helps alot. Leading up to this latest incident I also was unable to ride for 2 weeks due to my bike being repaired, so that got me thinking about stress, or if its coincidental that this happened again after I had no stress outlet for 2 weeks. + +I need to channel my inner Matthew McConaughey",Stress-Induced Diverticulitis?,0 +638,"I tried many things to reduce my stress symptoms but I feel it s not going away. Went to the gym, I've did mediation, also journaling nothing seems to work. Feels like this stressed it's stuck and hard to get rid of. I went to the doctor and he got me taking Vitamin D6 Rx tried it for 4 weeks but doesn't help. I'm running out of options, the only thing left to do is to see a psychologist or psychiatrist? I don't know which to see. Also I work a minimal wage job with no insurance. Any help will be appreciated.",I've been stressed for 9 months and I don't know what to do.,0 +639,I know for sure I have a problem because recently today is when it all started. I was just talking to some friends and we were having just conversations and the conversations just went in some ways that got me really stressed out and also my mind likes to create false scenarios that aren't happening like people talking about me behind my back and Friends chatting with other friends and all that. But just a few minutes ago I was talking to one of my best friends and I was just getting stressed out with the chats and I tried to call myself down and I punched a fan as hard as I could and somehow will only one of my fingers is bleeding but I managed to bandage it. I'm thinking about going to a doctor to see if they can help or get stressed towards to something because I have a job and earlier at my job I threw my glasses as hard as I can against the wall and broke them. I don't know what it is I really don't know whether it be anger issues stress whatever I just hope someone here can help me get steps closer to an answer to what it is I'm going through and what I can do to completely end it.,I think I have a problem...,0 +640,"I’m always stressed about little things or things not under my control etc etc. but this time it’s about something actually life-changing and what I do or say could absolutely change the outcome entirely. This is very important and very serious and the tiniest error in my part could severely cost me. How am I not supposed to stress about it? I’m thinking about it all the time even when I try my best not to by going out, watching something, playing a game, or even trying to nap (I have dreams about it). It’s gotten to the point where it’s affecting my overall health. I feel fatigued, depressed, and anxious… much, much more than usual. This also isn’t something that’s gonna be quick and short, it’s something that will be ongoing for years… it technically has already been going on for years but now it’s about to get so much more serious. Anyway, what am I supposed to do?",How do I not stress about something MAJOR?,0 +641,I overheard someone saying they are so stressed they can't sleep and get up about 5 or 6 times in the night which has mad me start thinking about stress and whether I feel stressed now I feel like I am starting to stress. Maybe just a long week because I missed a deadline and had tight shoulders.,Overheard someone talking about how stressed they are which is making me feel stressed,0 +642,"I’m working on a collaborative exercise which will give readers a fly on the wall perspective of working with a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist. + +In a nutshell, I’ve partnered with social media influencer [MummyConqueringAnxiety](https://twitter.com/Mummyconquerin1) and we’re doing a series of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy sessions with a bias towards managing anxiety and long-term wellbeing. MCA is publishing a blog series based on our sessions so readers can follow her journey. In the first therapeutic session, MCA started to learn the brain model which underpins Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and enjoyed her first SFH live trance. Read her post from this session [here](https://www.mummyconqueringanxiety.com/a-powerful-concept-the-ability-to-change-our-brain/)","So, what is it like to work with a Hypnotherapist?",0 +643,"I’m actually wondering for years now if it’s possible my vagus nerve got damaged even. I’ve mentioned it to Drs,I do a lot of googling because been having health issues so long. I tried to do meditation but my brain is too fogged up,can’t focus,always forget&put things off. My personality,mental state&physical just crapped out at the same time although physical things bothered me prior.I’ve been trying to avoid asking for clonazepam as I only wanted to take it in emergencies but people constantly make me worse. I lost 7lbs past 2 weeks stress frm pple while sedentary. + +Eating has been a big struggle because don’t really have an appetite but try to have something like a bowl of cereal daily.I wonder if my dry mouth I’ve had the past 15yrs is possibly stress because never got an answer for the cause but that’s when things started,just got dramatically worse with more things bothering me. I just want Drs to say this is your issue take this&do this but instead I got diagnosed with quite a few things but not the 1 I’m looking for which is really my brain working&feel like myself again with this 24/7 tension gone.",Has anyone felt so bad with stress they had 24/7 tension&felt like they were stuck in flight/fight mode?,0 +644,"I'm currently unemployed looking for work and waiting on benefits to get approved. Today my phone got cut off. I can no longer be contacted by employers. I can no longer check EI due to multifactor authentication. I can no longer call EI nor my MP. + +I will be talking to a realtor today to sell my house. This will mean I will be paying 4x the mortgage in rent. I am a ball of stress and have puked 3 times already this morning. + +I'm angry, I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm twitching. I don't know what to do. I don't even have life insurance to help my family with. I'm literally on my last nerve, leg, toe whatever. + +I've been doing deep breathing, whatever meditation I can and any stretches I can. I'm no use to my kids, my wife, my family or myself like this. + +Fuck I don't even know if this is the right subreddit to vent.Thanks for reading.",I have created a non stop self fueling ball of stress that just got exponentially worse. I don't know how to deal with it.,0 +645,,i feel like a little ball of stress,0 +646,The moment i try to relax and have fun i am occupied but stressed as i feel i am wasting time. My stress is derived from productivity if im not productive i am stressed about being not productive and therefore when i am having fun it is fleeting because I quickly realize i am not productive. Anyone else?,The very thing causing my stress is the only thing that can decrease my stress,0 +647,"So I have decided to journal here me quiting smoking. At 32 I started smoking after a lifetime of bad experiences and stress. I am now 48 years old. Roughly 11 or 12 years ago, I got the news that a friend I worked with but lost touch with had died of a massive heart attack. She was a chain smoker, and gained a lot of weight. She also had a stressful life full of heartbreaking and challenges. She was 49. Worried about my own health, I started losing weight after I topped at 200 (I'm a 5'5"" female). I am now 162 with 22 pounds to go. But my biggest hurdle right now is cigarettes. I made the decision today after many scares, to quit. I will keep updating this as I go for 1 year. + +This....is Day 1.",I'm Quiting to Save My Life,0 +648,,"I get stressed by the thought that stress stunts my growth and that thought doesn’t get out of my head, how do I fully reduce my stress",0 +649,"I'm 29 and I have great difficulty relaxing + +&#x200B; + +Relaxing is benefacial to the human mind and body, by allowing yourself to recover you can do work more efficiently, have more energy to exercise and learn, do hobbies and chores, to foster relationships, and more. Machines even new to relax and chill a bit to avoid overheating or to have time to oil up or change new parts. + +&#x200B; + +If I know all of this, why can't I allow myself to relax? I need to, but I cannot. Whenever I try to go on a walk, or watch a movie, or play a game, my brain makes me want to do chores that are non existent or I feel guilty for not doing my side hustle work or learning stuff. + +&#x200B; + +For context I'm in some debt, but have a stable job that should be able to pay it off by perhaps end of 2023 or mid 2024. I also do some side hustles on my own schedule. I also stress eat and feel like ""I have not accomplished enough"" before I turn 30 next year. I think these occupy my mind a lot and prevent me from relaxing. + +&#x200B; + +What should I do? Like damn, I spend more time being frustrated I can't relax, or having a hard time choosing what I wanna do, then actually relaxing lol.",I'm 29 and I have great difficulty relaxing,0 +650,"Two shooting have happened directly in front of my apartment complex this year. I live in a city, population of 300,000 so not the biggest. The first shooting happened while i was at my friend/neighbor’s place 3 houses away, so i still Heard it and all the people running from the scene. 2 guys died, i know one was 19. +The 2nd shooting happened 2.5 weeks ago and this time i was sitting to the left of my open window that faces the street that the guy did the driveby. My next door neighbor was throwing a party, that led to a fist fight happening outside, and next thing i heard was 3 gun shots. I jumped so far forward off my bed and called the police, they told me they were already on the way. +The shots were so loud, sudden and disturbing to me. I’m too scared to be in front of my window cause i keep visualizing a stray bullet coming thru. +From a quarter mile distance there’s occasionally a banging sound that sounds like an automatic. It’s some kind of construction work, but i have no idea of what and on what exactly (it happens enough that I’m sure now it’s normal, but i can’t place what the hell it is ). The sound bothers me more now than ever, but i really need to keep my Window open for air circulation. +So onto now: the sound of fireworks has me having mini heart attacks every time. My AC is shit, i need my window open for air. My bed is directly beside my window that faces all the noise and every once in awhile I’m closing the window and will deal with the heat. Random fireworks have been happening all week and for some it sounds so indistinguishable from guns. I’m just stressed by it to an uncomfortable point now and just had to write it out.",Recent nearby shootings are making me scared of the fireworks right now,0 +651,"I will explain why being outside is good for your health. Nowadays we are often indoors almost all day because of school and work. There’s not always something wrong with that, but you’ll probably feel a lot better if you go outside every now and then. + +**IT MAKES THE MIND CLEARER** + +Inside a house, study or workplace there are often many things that make you think about your work or study. There is nothing wrong with this, but it can ensure that you are constantly busy with your work or study. This may keep you thinking and living in your head instead of in the moment. In addition, there are all kinds of other distractions indoors that keep your mind from calming down. So go outside and enjoy the tranquility. + +**LESS STRESS** + +This tranquility automatically reduces stress. You are not busy with school, your work, or other things. As a result, you go out of your head and into the moment. This will also reduce your stress and reduce the risk of stress symptoms and complaints. In addition, physical exercise is also a great way to reduce stress. When you are physically active you can reduce stress. You probably also feel that when you exercise. And after you exercise you notice that your stress is reduced compared to before you started exercising. + +[(Originally from this blog post)](https://quintenvanommen.com/why-being-outside-is-good-for-your-health/)",How being outside reduces stress,0 +652,"I, 20F, have a few things that just seem off to me. I have a job that I hate, it’s my first job, it’s a 9-5 in a high pace high stress environment and when I make a mistake it has an effect - and of course I do make mistakes. My coworker also treats me like a personal assistant and delegates all of her last minute jobs to do immediately without thanks which is so stressful as I can never complete a project on time because of it. Enough backstory though this isn’t a life advice sub I just need to rant about the things I think are caused by stress? + +I’ve always looked young for my age, I take good care of my skin using retinol and SPF 50 every day yet my skin is ageing (I turned 20 a month ago so this is weird). I look heavier than I am, I get a lot of exercise (10K steps minimum daily plus cardio focussed gym 2-5 times a week depending how tired i am) and do not over eat, if anything (tw) I probably under eat by a long way because I lose my appetite and forget to eat. It’s just bizarre to me and it’s not that I want to be thinner but I know that with my lifestyle I ought to be a lot thinner than I am so I’ve no clue what the reasoning for that is. My psoriasis is getting worse. It used to be a small patch on my leg but now I’ve got it on my lips, cheeks, back and it’s spreading down my arm. I was researching self soothing and I do that obsessively, I bite my lips to oblivion and crack my knuckles to the point where they hurt. I am ALWAYS tired even if I get 14 hours of sleep, luckily my insomnia has gone away for the time being but that used to be really bad too. I also get migraines the second I begin to relax. If it’s not pretty obvious ill just throw in that I have been diagnosed with anxiety. My doctor doesn’t want to help and there’s no free therapy in my area as there’s massive wait lists for everything. So I’m on here hoping to find someone who might relate. Can this all be due to stress? Do you have any advice? My job contract ends soon and I’m not renewing it don’t worry but I know any entry level job will be just as intense so how can I manage it and minimise these symptoms? My family doesn’t seem to care and just say it’s life but I’m going to spiral if I can’t control it.","I’ve only just realised how badly stressed I am but I don’t know what to do, no one will take me seriously",0 +653,"The albums are: Whispers of Time and Space - on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/album/6n1TDud40wEKOqaVKiMGzw + +Apple https://music.apple.com/gb/album/_/1589137241?mt=1&app=music&ls=1&at=1000lHKX + +the 2nd album is Space Music for Hearts Full of Sadness - on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/album/4utvUzjq92hRPkwjyNVZy9 + +and Apple https://geo.music.apple.com/gb/album/_/1562635218?mt=1&app=music&ls=1&at=1000lHKX (for other music providers check https://album.link/gb/i/1535224519 )","Couple of albums of ""space music"" that helps me de-stress",0 +654,Still stressing a bit about this upcoming thing on Tues. I really can't wait to get this over with but idk what's gonna happen. I know she's full of ish for saying she's been covering for me or whatever cuz that's a damn lie. I can't wait til I can just move and finally be outta here. I really pray I can move one day soon but even with a 2nd job my rent would go up even more than it would still be hard to save. Praying that things change for the better,Stressing so much,0 +655,I'm really stressing about this shit coming up Tues. I don't wanna talk to this office manager but I have to. I just pray she doesn't say shit smart cuz I'll be real likely to say some shit back. Let me fill out this stuff for recertification and talk about a job I'll start and that's it. I don't need her talking out her ass tryna say she covered for me or whatever smh. God I really can't wait to move and I pray I can move asap cuz I don't wanna be here anymore and I don't need her messing up me moving. I'm not sure but I'm guessing places check with your old place as a reference or does that really matter? When I first moved here I don't think the old place I was at checked but I could be wrong. I just gotta get my credit a bit better but overall I'm a great tenant though. I'm praying for better days cuz I don't wanna keep struggling and dealing with shit,Feeling discouraged,0 +656,"Earlier I called this temp place to see about changing my start date and all of a sudden they gave the position away and said it's probably not available for me anymore cuz they tried to start me a couple other times which is bullshit so now I have to hurry up and find another job. I applied again to the kfc that hired me and in the morning I'm gonna call the pizza place that I had an interview at on Tues and I really pray I got the job there. I just really can't believe that happened like I was looking forward to going there, I just wanted to change the date smh. I really hope I can find something else asap. The temp place said I could stop back in but I don't think I even wanna do that",Feeling really sad,0 +657,[Try out this practice](https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/guidedsessions/quick-meditation-for-inner-peace?fbclid=IwAR03idAcTkaDkYwkOIVUhtECarqSYKAXeybuLAcTBgP7L40ciU14rfTC7Ws) when you don't have a lot of time to meditate. You will realize that achieving greater inner peace is possible in a very short time.,Get instant relief from Stress.....Quick Meditation for Inner Peace,0 +658," The burning ceremony involves writing the #negative conditions that you would like to release from your life on a piece of paper, then burning the paper in the bowl. The purpose of the ceremony is to #release old patterns, beliefs or experiences, or anything that impedes you from realizing your true self. + +[https://youtu.be/sm1XyRyT7JA](https://youtu.be/sm1XyRyT7JA)",Writing and Burning to Clear and Release,0 +659,"It's my first time on reddit typing this sort of rant, hope it's not too boring. I'm currently 15, I still feel like it's 2021, I keep hearing ""these 2 years are going to fly by really quick"" (for context, I'm in Singapore, in secondary 3) from my parents. It's true, and within 1 year and around 5 months I have to come up with what i want to do in the future. + +I gotta come up with what junior college or polytechnic I want to go to, what career path I aspire to follow, but I can't make up my mind. 5 years old, I want to be a doctor. 10, I want to be a nurse. 13, I want to be an engineer. 14, I want to be a teacher. My mind runs in circles and I can't make up my mind. It drives me insane, I keep worrying whether I'll actually enjoy what I'll be doing in the future. I feel terrible. My grades are atrocious and I still choose the most stressful topics. Additional maths, pure triple science, higher mother tongue, and in comparison to those in my class, I am at the bottom of the leaderboard. Everyday goes by and I go through it slowly and I wonder if I actually enjoy living. I dunno what to do man.",my future.,0 +660,"But nobody really cares right? + +I'm always thinking what others are thinking saying about me. + +But I guess when people are alone they are only thinking about themselves anyway right haha. + +Like if I thought someone was worrying about what my opinion of them was then I'd be laughing at that like why even care? + +So I guess no need for me to ruminate on things others done may say about about their opinions.",Worrying what others are saying about me,0 +661,,You matter,0 +662,"This happened last Friday. I have always had an anxiety disorder and it has been worse with all the stress I have been under lately both at work as well as at home. I work for GM which everyone who don't work there knows as a good job, but in reality it has gone to shit. I was hired 16 years ago and was in the last group to get traditional pay, benefits, and a retirement plan so I can't find anything else that pays the same. Anyone hired after me is really fucked and there is a reason gm can't keep any of the new employees. I work in material handling and the company is working up towards outsourcing and cutting those jobs so they are cutting out full teams and overloading everyone that's left then telling us ""everything's going to change soon, just make it work for the next year"" I have some serious stuff going on at home that I don't want to get into and it just makes the work stress that much worse. On Friday I messed up, I knew I messed up and wasn't mad about getting written up or anything but the thing is, I spend 90% of my waking life (and my first ever anxiety attack was while I was asleep, I woke up thinking I was having a heart attack so probably my sleeping life also) feeling like something terrible is going to happen due to my anxiety. When I get in trouble, it felt like the end of the world. I took my break and paced around outside debating if I should call in my FMLA and leave work but when I came back something very small and stupid happened that set me off. I blew up on my group leader screaming at her that I can't fucking do this! Even though I hate GM she is the nicest lady and easily the best boss I have ever had and I feel like a complete scumbag. She tried to fire me and the union got it down to a suspension but I honestly couldn't feel worse if I had been fired. I'm so ashamed of myself for how I acted and have been in a deep depression for the last few days and haven't done much more than lay in bed crying. The worst part is that she thinks I did it because I was mad about the write up and thought I could bully her because she is a woman and week, apparently she has faced discrimination in previous jobs. I hate myself, I'm ashamed of myself, and even though I didn't get fired I feel like nothing will ever be ok again.",I had a mental breakdown at work and nearly lost my job,0 +663,"Hello, + +Does anyone else feel like they’re constantly getting stressed out by the little things? + +It seems like every day, there will be something to stress me out. The smallest things can bother me so much. I just get frustrated and upset when anything goes the least bit wrong, or when something doesn’t work properly, or whatever. + +It just gets so difficult to do anything, to focus on anything, without getting stressed and anxious, and I get a headache.",The little things,0 +664,"So, As the title said. I’m struggling with school and nowadays I’m just really sad that I couldn’t get anything done because I’m always worrying about this and that and never get things done. By the time I stopped thinking it’s night and it’s late. And my school work are unfinished. So please give me some advice.",I’m struggling with school and I have a lot of stress and keep procrastinating,0 +665,,Rain sounds to help you out 💓 https://youtu.be/fbNoIkPQuo8,0 +666,"I’ve been dealing with stress and anxiety for the last three months or so. I attribute it to my job and planning an upcoming wedding. I also have psoriasis, so that doesn’t help my case. + +Anyways, I’ve been improving but sometimes with get a body twitch or zap (as I describe it) that lasts less than a second. It usually occurs in my chest, rib cage or sometimes calves and is coupled with the feeling in my forehead or temples. I’ve had blood work done since this began as well as an EKG, and everything is normal. Any thoughts on what this could be and If it’s a result of stress/anxiety? Thanks!",Stress/Anxiety,0 +667,"Idk why but I always start to feel like shit when I gotta get ready to try and go to sleep. My mind starts going to ""I won't make it outta here"" at random moments. I'm just thinking about these jobs like wingstop is only paying $11 and apparently you can get a lot of hours when the new location opens up but I keep stressing about moving. Some people have it so fuckin easy where they can just get up and go. I don't have it like that. It's already hard to save money and than the stress of thinking about saving to move, saving to get a bike, possibly tryna get a license and car. I've been in this city so long, it's literally taking all of my energy. How do I start thinking I'll make it outta here? Will it ever happen? I wanna get back into school but idk what I wanna do but I gotta do something if I wanna get outta here. Idk who else might be in a situation like mine but damn this shit is so annoying. Working and making the bare minimum just to try and get by smh. I keep tryna think it'll be ok but idk. I really wanna move to have way better opportunities.",Stressed,0 +668,https://youtube.com/shorts/RMc_nLqk8rU?feature=share,Let me wash away your stress!,0 +669,"Yeah, + +I rejected the supervisor and now she sent her minion to fuck with me and I just started this job. I get sick if people telling me to quit jobs because I've had several and all of them still present the same problem... + +I don't know why but this job will get me to the next level of my life and she is trying to make me quit. + +What would you do?",coworker is told to yell/abuse new ppl at work.,0 +670,"My job is to investigate violations of my company’s policies and state/federal regulations. Usually my peers in leadership get along with me and coordinate with me during my investigations because 99/100 times I’m investigating lower level employees. + +Well… I just wrapped up an investigation that led to the firing of a prominent leader who was well liked by all and extremely effective in their role. The incident was not only a policy issue but also a serious violation of feral regulation so termination was the only solution (per our policies). + +Needless to say no one wants to speak to me because the leader has told them that I will turn on them if given the chance. It’s not that I had anything against the leader… I just have to support my family and do my job. I can’t sandbag investigations just because I like the person I’m investigating… + +How do I work with people who don’t like or trust me. A few have come up to me saying “ I know it was hard and I respect the integrity it took to reach that outcome” but most that I used to talk to all the time actively avoid me… + +I swear I’m not out to get people… I’ve been in a funk since this termination occurred. How should I get past it?",I did my job and I am hated for it,0 +671,,Anyone have tense face cheek on the left side mainly?,0 +672,"I’m constantly stressed and i know it’s because I need to go outside and see people but i don’t know how to find events or anything. How do I do this, please help :(",I’m so stressed out and I don’t know what to do,0 +673,"I know there will always be stress but wtf? Lately my life is about to roll me over. My job (cps investigator) has seen some of the worst abuse cases, my husband is having triple bypass surgery Tuesday and there is a good possibility he may not make it off the table and if he does, his recovery will be twice as long as normal. His untreated bipolar has led him to burn bridges with all his family so I am going to be the only caregiver. Next month is the 4 yr angel-versary of my only child's murder. I am finding it hard to find reasons to get out of bed anymore. I am in therapy and I am medicated. If it doesn't get better soon though, I don't know how much more I can take.",tired of stress,0 +674,So I’ve been so stressed recently. Had the worst anxiety for the past 2 weeks. First it was eye pain now it’s back pain and side pain. I was worried so I went to the ER. They did blood work and checked if I had a uti or a certain std. everything came back normal. Very confused. Can anyone relate?,Stress symptoms??,0 +675,"[*Thought action fusion*](https://negativestress.com/tag/thought-action-fusion/) *(TAF) is a cognitive distortion that occurs when a person believes that merely thinking about something is the same as actually doing it. This can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety, as well as problems with procrastination. TAF can lead to some negative consequences, such as anxiety and depression. However, it can also motivate us to take action and achieve our goals.* Read more about TAF here: [https://negativestress.com/thought-action-fusion-37-bizarre-everyday-examples/](https://negativestress.com/thought-action-fusion-37-bizarre-everyday-examples/)",Thought action fusion – 37 bizarre everyday examples,0 +676,"And stay far away from foods that stress the body more, like sugars, white flour products and processed/factory foods. + +Take care of your physical, mental and emotional well-being and protect it with setting boundaries (towards yourself and others). It takes practice, but feels very rewarding when you protect to greatest and most important person in your life.. yourself.","Just a reminder to eat healthy when you're stressed. A stressed body is a damaged body, we need nutrients, vitamines, minerals, water and rest to repair the damage.",0 +677,"Part of me feels like this is a silly thing to be stressed about but the effect it has on me is very real and makes me feel terrible. + +I've been a gamer for 30 years. When I was a kid we had much less to choose from so playing the same videogame over and over wasn't a problem... these days we have tens of thousands to choose from and I own well over 1000 of them. This is my only major hobby, by the way, which is a problem in and of itself. I used to wake up and immediately starting playing something to keep away the feeling of dread in my life because I suffer from depression and anxiety. Games have been my only escape from that nightmare for many years. + +I'm finding now that I can't seem to find interest in them anymore. I have hundreds of games I've not even completed and I want to finish them but the motivation just isn't there. I will seriously stress myself out flipping through all of what I own trying to find one that catches my attention and nothing ever sticks out. I never had this issue 5 years ago but now I'll juat gwt frustrated, panic, and sit at home on my day off doing nothing because my one hobby seems useless to me now. I dont even know how to engage in other activities because I've been on the same pattern for so long. I really juat want to be able to focus and enjoy gaming again. + +This all sounds seriously dumb when I wrote it down, I almost don't want to post this because it feels that stupid but it genuinely makes me miserable. All I do is work and sit at home being bored and boredom is literally killing me. Without the motivation to engage in activities I become consumed by stress and depression. What can I do to find the motivation again? I'm going to go in circles until I die.",Videogame burnout,0 +678,"I feel so relieved,free and light after taking a break for about 3-4 days from my daily college routine.I actually went home and enjoyed a lot.But now I realise that I have not felt like this for quite a long time especially since my 2nd proff in med school started.I felt like this after my 1st proff university exams were over and I used to feel like this when I was in my 11th and 12th grade.I guess there is a constant stress or anxiety going on in my subconscious mind that I am not able to feel on a day to day basis as I am very much used to it.Also I have lost taste in so many things.Things do not fascinate me as much as they used to.Even on mobile earlier I could watch from anything to everything and still enjoy.But after med school I do not find anything that much interesting.It may be underlying depression or it may be because I am overworking myself as I am going to library now a days.But also that may not be the case as I started going to library few days back only and I feel this problem has started from a long ago when I got into med school.Still if I think its because of overworking I just cannot cut it loose as in med school they teach at the speed of rocket as due to covid lag our sessions are cut short and still I am not able to cover it all.So doing even less will make me suffer in the long run. +So what to do? +Should I start studying with better techniques in order to cut short the time it takes?If so suggest some awesome study techniques. +What to do for underlying stress?should I try meditation? +What exactly it is and how to always feel calm,light,free,relieved and pleasant?",Subconscious stress,0 +679,"I had an awful day at work I handed back a wallet to who I thought was the correct person knew everything about it and matched the id. Maybe 5 hours later I get a call saying I handed it to the wrong person. I can’t remember anything about it now, and to make matters worse I think my cousin is in jail. I felt stressed and anxious to the point of throwing up, but now I don’t feel stressed at all. I was just wondering can you be so stressed you don’t feel stressed anymore?",Can you be so stressed you’re not anymore?,0 +680,I have been really stressed lately I know this doesn’t seem like a really big problem but I don’t know how not to be stressed I lost my Apple Watch and literally my mom said that she would kill me if I want to find it I’ve searched the entire house I can’t find it anywhere it’s dead I don’t know how to stop making myself stressed,HELP,0 +681,"Hi everyone! I'm designing an app to help people with mental distress. I created an online survey to gather some data on what people have found useful to cope with their symptoms. It is completely anonymous. Here is the link for anyone who is interested in participating! Thank you in advance :) + +[https://forms.gle/qaBix2TUCxEM7DZQ9](https://forms.gle/qaBix2TUCxEM7DZQ9)",Online Mental Health Survey,0 +682,"I’m the type of person who is constantly under stress but doesn’t realize it until I develop a nonstop eye twitch, my menstrual cycle is erratic, get a cold out of nowhere, migraines, etc. I’ve talked to my therapist about this and he’s acknowledged that it’s definitely a thing- some people are just so used to being stressed that they don’t notice a difference when they’re in a more high-stress situation until their body breaks down. + +The problem with high-functioning stress is that not only are people not aware that they’re stressed, but they don’t know how to handle it before their body sh*ts the bed. Ex: I feel fine (when I’m not) until a trigger happens and I’m left with an eye twitch and a random cold- which is THEN when I’m like “oh, I’m super stressed”, despite having been in a high-stress environment for a few weeks already and feeling the same. + +Does anyone else relate? I know I could try meditating or mediating my underlying stress but it feels useless when you don’t feel stressed in that moment (and have a million other important things to focus on- ironic).",Why does nobody talk about “high-functioning” stress?,0 +683,,Guided Meditation Powerful Relaxation Stop Over Thinking (Depression/ An...,0 +684,"I found myself scrolling through social media, including Reddit, it’s literally helping!","Cute and funny aimal photos are helping me, might help you",0 +685,"I can be fully reclined in a lazy boy and by happenstance notice my muscles around my neck and shoulders straining as if trying to hold my head up off of the headrest. Mindfully, I break the tension and force myself to release and relax and I can feel my head, neck, shoulders and even my legs sink back into the chair. Moments later… my muscles are pulling into my center again just squeezing with tension. What is wrong with me? Why does my body insist on tensing up?",Why does my body want to hold onto so much tension?,0 +686,"I’m a Junior in high school and am constantly stressed about sports. I want to do so well in cross country and track that I take it super seriously. Lately I have been really loopy in the head and have had headaches. If this keeps going on idk what I’m gonna do. I’ve looked into it and have found high blood pressure to be a possibility, but I have good eating habits. Just wanted to talk about it, thanks guys🫤",My Story,0 +687,"I'm making a little over 70k a year at a hospital and I am being priced out of Denver CO. I got a big raise this year but it feels more like a pay cut because I find I can no longer afford what I use to. Rent has gotten so out of hand my brother and I made a deal to rent a house together so we can save money. We both gave up our apartments not only to save money, but because the homeless crime is out of this world here in Denver. He makes over 100k a year and can't afford to buy a house. What is going on!? We both went to college and have good jobs. I can't comprehend how people are making it. I don't have kids and I couldn't imagine if I did. No baby formula and kids getting shot up in school. No thank you. I'm stressed because I'm really taken aback by all the nonstop nonsense and struggling. My Roth IRA is now losing money!?!? Wtf my retirement was supposed to be solid now I don't believe anything I was told growing up is real. My stability is being shaken and I don't believe in the USAs ability to keep it together. I think we are gonna fall down worse and apart. What do you think? + +How are you guys making it? Are you moving? Should I move? Are you guys starting to drown like me?!",Cost of living has changed everything.,0 +688,,"If anyone takes CBD for stress management, I’ve had success with Moonwlkr CBD + Ashwagandha gummies. Code 2xl saves 15%",0 +689,Here are hacks to break free from the habit of worrying and fearing and live a [stress-free life](https://fb.watch/dyEpXP1kSg/)!,Break free from the habit of worrying!,0 +690,"I have been looking for a summer weighted blanket for a while. Because I am always hot at night, I haven't been able to find one that keeps me cool as well as having the weighted benefits. Does anyone have a recommendations? 🙏",What is the best cooling weighted blanket for adults?,0 +691,"*Summertime is a great time to get out and enjoy the weather, but it’s also important to be aware of the risks of heat exhaustion.* + +[*https://negativestress.com/heat-exhaustion-symptoms-10-prevention-tips/*](https://negativestress.com/heat-exhaustion-symptoms-10-prevention-tips/)",Heat exhaustion symptoms – 10 prevention tips,0 +692,"Here is a practice of mindfulness, do meditation while walking or shopping. Meditation [on the go](https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/guidedsessions/meditate-on-the-go?fbclid=IwAR1C_YAphHveDq7BgMEgJmaN-Ub1KDoVXRN21T38ZISUP7Z89CVNZoFzPn0).",Do you know you can practice meditation while walking!,0 +693,"To add to this, +I feel like resting should mean large amounts of time spent in stillness, and reflection. +Not just watching tv or being on your phone. +In nature or something that is spiritually renewing",Sometimes rest is what your business needs.,0 +694,This is my first post here and right now I'm beyond stressing out to the point I can't even focus lifting weights at the gym. I had a random drug test on monday for work and I do smoke weed but honestly only at night to help me get to sleep since it's legal in Illinois I can do it but my work policy is I think anything over 200 nano grams and you don't pass the test I got I to work today and I've been freaking out massively about this since Monday I can keep from feeling like as soon as I go in to work today im gonna be fired and I can't lose this job.,how do I manage my stress with my situation right now?,0 +695,,Does anyone else break out in hives do to Stress?,0 +696,"Hello there, I am very tired of having people not be interested in what I have to say. My whole “family” is just so annoying. + +For example today I was trying to talk about something really important to me with my mother, it meant a lot to me because I don’t normally open up. My mother after hearing this went “mm, okay,” and then went on her phone. We were in the car so I held back tears the entire drive home and when I finally got to my room and cried my eyes out. + +This has happened a lot as my mother is not a very emotional person. Whenever I open up I think that maybe she will react nicely but this one was the last straw. The fact that she couldn’t even say anything back to me about this thing was appalling and it broke my heart. + +Another person who is frustrating is my brother. I could listen to him talk about video games for four hours straight and have a great conversation but the moment I mention something I want to talk about he goes on his phone and ignores me. + +Don’t get me wrong he is way better than my mother but still really disappointing. + +I have always been taught to hold it in and never speak about my feelings and it really sucks. I really want goo friends where they don’t mind that I am not very expressive, or they will listen when I am stressed and will let me cry on their shoulder and vise versa. I wanna be able to talk about stuff that I enjoy and people actually be interested in what I have to say. + +Anyways, I am never going to talk about anything with my “family” ever again and one day I will have a real family. + +See ya! 👋🏻",Nobody listens to me…,0 +697,"Recently I’ve been thinking about over indulging on digital devices. Podcasts, entertainment, emails, texts, even MUSIC. +When do our minds get a break from the constant overload on information? I have found that when I put everything away and just have silence, my thoughts are a lot better and I feel more in control. +This is something I want to implement into my coaching, getting away from digital distraction.",Complete silence might help you destress.,0 +698,"It’s not unusual for a person to think they’re doing worse than they actually are. Some of us are pessimistic, others have limiting beliefs lurking: I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy – progress is just luck, setbacks re-enforce limiting beliefs. + +### Consider these positive signs: + +· **You reflect on, and learn from, setbacks and errors.** You arrive at a balanced view of these and develop clear plans to learn and continue growing. People often repeat the same errors over and over, whether it’s overspending or choosing a partner. People have a strong tendency to repeat their behaviours. But you can choose to respond differently – and achieve different outcomes + +· **You’re clear on what you want – and why.** Knowing what you want is the second key step in getting it (knowing who and what you are is the first). Knowing what you want differentiates you from those who aimlessly floating through life. + +· **You use time wisely.** We all have 168 hours each week and the choice on how to use them. You focus on what is important, within the context of who you are and what you have chosen to achieve. You have the habit of asking yourself what is the most effective thing you could be doing right now. + +· **You’re making consistent progress.** Consistent progress is a great sign. Even when your goals feel far in the distance, regular progress – driven by consistent effort and learning – will get you there. As well as planning what more needs to be done, reflect on how far you have already come. + +· **You’re not alone.** There are many people are alone in the world. If you’re not alone, you’re doing better than many others. + +· **You’re committed.** You know who you are and what you’re about. Your goals are clear. They create meaning for you, value for others and legacy for the future. Great things happen when your purpose and your environment align. + +· **You consider other’s opinions.** You learn what is resourceful to you and discard what isn’t. You live your life, not theirs. + +· **You are grateful.** You regularly reflect on what has gone well and – crucially – on why it has gone well. You have skills and strengths you don’t even realise. + +· **You’re authentic.** You know you values and beliefs. You make your decisions and take your actions consistent with these. + +When you’re clear on what you have chosen to accomplish, and you’re spending your time wisely, you’re doing well – and better than most! This is true, even if the results have yet to reveal themselves. + +**Genuine Desire + Effective Strategy + Consistent Persistence = Authentic Results**",What If You’re Doing Better Than You Think?,0 +699,"I work 25 hours a week at a clinic/remotely, am a part-time online MPH student, and am also working on several projects on the side. I feel like I have no time to pursue hobbies I once loved doing - learning new languages, playing the piano, cooking and baking. By the time, I'm done with work, all I want to do is watch TV and hang out with my pets. I have only 2 hours at the end of the day. Even socializing feels exhausting these days and I've been rather isolated. + +I have been recovering from surgeries this year (3 major ones) and I have still managed to stay busy. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I'm a rather boring person lately, but I just am so drained. + +&#x200B;",I want to do so many things but have no time,0 +700,[https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28hLyn3dYE70ZOKye24IhI](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28hLyn3dYE70ZOKye24IhI),"Seascapes, a playlist of smooth instrumentals and soft vocals great for focus, productivity and relaxation. Destress and lighten up your day with some great music. Enjoy!",0 +701,"What I mean is, for example I have these goals: + +1. Find a good job OR start and grow a succesful company +2. Find the one who will marry me in the future +3. Find out which religion is the true one / read the whole bible + +So my idea is, I will only work towards one goal at the same time. If I choose goal 1 and I choose to study or gain work experience, then I will not read the bible and I will not be on dating apps, because I should not overwhelm myself and risk a burn-out. If I choose goal 2, I will be very busy with dating apps and alternatives, but I will not have a job and I will not be studying. If I choose 3, I will read the bible a few hours every day, but I will not do any other productive things. + +What is the good side of this by my own thought? + +1. Whichever goal is the most important one, OR has to be completed the fastest, can get priority and full focus :) +2. By only having one thing to work on, you have less risk of ending up with 0 free time, so you can avoid burn-out and instead, work at your own pace. (careful: do not get lazy) + +What is the bad side of this by my own thought? + +1. Spending hours everyday on the same goal only, can become boring. Some goals also do not require many hours every day: for example going to the gym. Being in the gym for 5 hours is a terrible idea, so if you have goals that require less time per day, you can actually pick 2 or 3 of these goals to fill your day. +2. Some goals must be worked on at the same time. For example, you should not avoid studying because you're too busy with going to gym. But while you study, going to the gym is still important for your health. So I would call this an exception to this ""1 goal only"" idea. + +These days it seems socially acceptable that people do 3 things at the same time: study, have a job, have a social life. Where's the free time to relax? Right it doesnt exist, and even worse, sometimes all these activities take up more than 24 hours a day, which results in someone being overwhelmed and getting behind on everything. Actually this is what I have experienced. Its not a theory, it is very real. + +I have a burn-out. I have been stressed 24/7 for a really long time, because I was focusing on too many things at once. I had to get my homework done, I had to spend all my free time on dating apps, I had to go to gym, etc, I had no free time left. + +So my plan is to only work on one goal at once, and spend all free time as actual free time, to relax or enjoy it. + +Question : is this a good idea, or do you see any flaws with it?",Is it good to only focus on 1 goal?,0 +702,"I already wrote a message to my Doctor, so rest assured I will get appropriate medical care. But I am wondering if anyone else ever goes through this? On a daily basis, and sadly due to mental health and living with family, I am very stressed... However, I also have a hobby that is my favorite hobby but also puts a lot of pressure on me, which is competitive gaming. I wouldn't say pressure, but... Concentration and adrenaline, etc. + +Almost every day, for... a long time now, longer than I even can think of, I have really weird head pressure. It's like a headache with a stiff neck and when I realize I am holding my breath, I take a deep breath and feel like I haven't breathed all day. Lately, it's been worse. Feeling almost sick or like I'd feel after crying AND I also have ear wooshing in my right ear, whenever there is silence. + +Does anyone else have this happen or know what this might be? I tried looking up what I'm going through and cannot really find anything, especially the head pressure. It's just a feeling of ""I don't feel right."" too... I am going to try to post this on an anxiety Reddit too, to see if anyone there might have a clue as well.","Head pressure, ear wooshing, stiff neck, and headache",0 +703,"I fear for how boring my future life is. I see how my life is planned out and I hate it. I see myself going to college and then graduate school, then meeting my husband through my parents, marrying someone who is part of my culture, having 2+ kids, and raising them in the suburbs near my parents, constantly working to make money so I can give my kids a nice life and taking my salary and putting it into a college fund, just so this life can be replicated by my kids. It’s boring and I hate it. I want more. I want to be famous and make something of myself and do something. I don’t want to be boring. The only problem is I only care about success and I only want to do something I love if I will be successful because if I’m not I feel I’m still living the same boring life. I need help because this is keeping me up all night of everyday and I think about it almost every second except when I eat, sleep, and watch TV.",My life is boring,0 +704,"I’ve been under so much stress from school because I have finals coming up and to make it all worse, all of my “friends” were actually just using me for money and to get things, and now that they know i don’t want to be friends with them, they are doing things like graffiti and putting my name on it, and spreading rumours about me, and on a few occasions even assaulting me, the rumours I can handle but the graffiti/vandalism can and mostly likely will get me in a lot of trouble, possible suspension and community service. I don’t feel safe going to school, I don’t feel safe in the places I should, and all of the stress added on my anxiety it’s just to much for me to handle.",School harassment,0 +705, go get a coffee.. declined card. Try again thinking it’s just my card.. declined. Maybe it’s their machine.. decline.,Thinking you have $,0 +706," Acclaimed musician Jeralyn Glass's crystal singing bowl [concert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42HGMnra7_k)features meditation sounds to infuse your being with gratitude, invite more harmony into your life and relieve stress.",Invite Harmony in Life with Sound Bath Meditation!,0 +707,"Hi! I’m someone who normally never gets headaches, but I think I might be dealing with stress headaches. I’ve been going through a lot of change that is creating a lot of stress in my life and difficulty sleeping (even with melatonin/gummies that supposed to help me sleep). I’ve been having headaches for the last couple days and had one all day today since I woke up. What are some ways to deal with stress headaches?",Tips on dealing with stress headaches?,0 +708,[https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/v1smjv/chronic\_stress\_and\_hypertension\_in\_10\_minutes/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/v1smjv/chronic_stress_and_hypertension_in_10_minutes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3),Chronic stress and hypertension in 10 minutes,0 +709,,A free anti burnout/chronic stress workshop and workbook that might be helpful,0 +710,,How to Release Stress Meditation. #Shorts,0 +711,"Ok so I know reddit is not the best place for medical advice but I also want some strangers' opinions. + +I've never experienced stress/anxiety problems, even under pressure with uni/work, but I put a lot of pressure on myself in many other aspects of my life and a couple of years ago I started getting a bit of shortness of breath, checked with the doctor in case it was Asthma but it was alright and with time I realised when this happened it was because of stress which made it way better and I rarely get those flare ups anymore, so that's cool. + +Last month I was under a lot of stress and for some days I started feeling light-headed and a bit dizzy. The best way to describe this would be: + +- Slightly out-of-mind +- I feel like my cognitive capabilities are at 90-95% of the usual +- Cloudy head, like what I would experience being slightly drunk (not a lot) + +I went to the doctor really worried and got a blood test and stuff and they said I was healthy and probably was stress. + +But the thing is it's been a month like this already, sometimes I feel great (although not as a month ago), specially when doing stuff that makes me forget about this (ie videogames, series...) others I feel like shit, does anyone experience something similar and if so any recommendations? + +I'm also a bit worried because the first day I really experienced this I did a pretty intense session of cardio (had been doing a lot during those weeks on top of the stress from uni) so I am slightly worried it is actually something ""body"" related even if the tests came out okay, going for chill walks doesn't seem to be helping probably because I'm overthinking this all the time. + +Thanks","Feeling a bit ""out of mind"" and at 95%ish of my cognitive capabilities, blood tests okay, anyone experienced this?",0 +712,"Hey Guys! + +I'm a twenty-one year old student that is currently drowning in the stress that is coming from my college course and my new part-time job. + +My job is causing me an unreal amount of anxiety, to the point where I have to hide in the basement sometimes so I can calm down. I work for a second hand shop for games, DVDs, consoles, and devices like phones and laptops, I started working here about a month ago and from my first day I realised that I was really going to struggle here. + +It's a team of about 25 people and nearly all of them are moody pricks that haven't even introduced themselves to me yet! When I ask them a question they give me a look as if I've just murdered their pets. I try to be nice, and I try to keep a positive outlook, but these people are majorly draining my energy and fuelling my anxiety. The customers are even worse! I've been called homophobic slurs, had games and DVDs tossed at my head and have had my life threatened by these people. + +I haven't been trained properly either. I got thrown on the tills with about two minutes explanation of how they work! My till has been down in cash about four times, due to my crappy training and yet somehow this is my fault - maybe it is, but I'm putting this down to crappy training. + +I can't afford to leave this job, I seriously can't. But I also can't stand being there any more. The job market in Scotland is awful at the moment and virtually no companies hiring right now. + +Please, give me some advice before I start screaming every time I think about my work.",Stress Controls My Life!,0 +713,"i got the target brand one today, and im using it as the box instructs, 5 drops , water to the max line and its been a few hours and it doesnt seem to be giving any “aromatherapy” being an understatement lol. any idea? can i use more oil drops that what is reccomended?",essential oil diffuser not doing its job,0 +714,"Can anyone help me decipher this blood work? + +[https://ibb.co/vQ0XBbg](https://ibb.co/vQ0XBbg) + +Cortisol came back high. + +I don't know if this is just kinda high and I shouldn't worry about it or if this is extremely high? + +I have been under going some major financial changes and having extreme fatigue the last 4 weeks despite getting 8-10 hours of sleep per night. + +Besides stress management is there medication that can be taken to help with high cortisol?",High Cortisol,0 +715,"I'm not very good at my job. I've been there about six years and have been promoted a could of times. The money is quite good, which makes it really hard to leave. Internally I feel like I'm melting down. I think it's really starting to affect my brain chemistry. I couldn't stop worrying about work when I took a week off a while back. My boss seems to hate me for some reason (I've never antagonised her, I roll over on stuff just to keep the peace). I feel pathetic and the job is making me hate myself. I became a father about seven months ago. I'm worried that I will raise my child in a stressful home, but what's the alternative? I can leave my job, I need to support my family.",My work stress is destroying my quality of life,0 +716,"My husband is so stressed out at work. I am trying to get him into therapy because it’s taking a toll on his body. He is so stressed out and will go up to 48 hours without sleep sometimes. I am trying to get him into therapy. I am scared a doctor is just going to give him a sleeping pill because he will tell them “I can’t sleep because I get stressed”. But the truth is he can’t sleep because he takes way over his prescribed amount of adderol to work, then can’t sleep so he takes Benadryl and drinks a bottle of wine, then still can’t sleep so says fuck it and takes more adderol and a Red Bull to just keep working. It’s a vicious cycle. He won’t admit he had a problem with substance abuse. He’s told his doctor in the past he couldn’t sleep and they just prescribe more pills. Thankfully he stopped taking those a few years ago. I worry if he finally goes to therapy they will just prescribe him more. He won’t be fully honest with the actual issue on hand. Which is substance abuse and needing a healthy way to cope with stress and manage his time. And by the way, this is not new with this job. We met back in college and he would have spells of times during finals for example he would do this",Help for my husband,0 +717,"I have an exam in a few hours but I just can't focus on studying, I've been working hard in the middle of the semester its my fourth year in college and I want to have good grades for once but I somehow always end up wasting the time right before the exam and I hate myself because now even if I make it I'm going to get an average grade at best I'm so angry at myself and I don't know how to change I don't want to keep feeling like my efforts mean nothing I want them to be fruitful",Im freaking out and my perfectionism is ruining my grades,0 +718,"Is it normal to constantly worry about my actions around my friends? + +I [M] started worrying about whether my friends, or at least my general ones, were just about putting up with me. I feel as if I am unwanted around people I consider friends. Conversations seem to start with being lightly involved ( since I'm present at the start) and seem to be directed at other people, say I was with 2 others they would talk between themselves. +I may be overreacting which is probably the case but it seems when playing football during breaks at school, I seem in no way involved like my other friends are. +People I like as friends seem to disregard me in most things, for example if I had a group project of some description with groups of 6, I seem to be the 7th person constantly. + +I also feel that I do not want to let go of my friendships, how rough it may be on me, due to me having no other people to turn with. +I don't want to be alone, that seems like a bad life to lead but again it appears that sometimes, for others sake not just mine, me distancing myself from them would not be bad. + +This does tie into r/stress in a way that I am not myself but the person others want me to be, constantly aware of my actions, hardly any of them I would do of my own accord. It is sometimes tiring.",Friends,0 +719,"Hi I have had a series of extreme stress and my stress response is broken. My head hurts, I feel agitated, and can't think clearly, my muscles ache too, and I lack empathy. Is there anything that can break this out? I've had it for months after getting out of DPDR. Medication? + +Thank you.",Severe chronic stress. Can medication help?,0 +720,"I'm an international student in my last year of uni now, but for the first time in 3.5 years I study here this is the first time I feel this bad. My thesis deadline is in less than a week and just a few days ago I received feedback that I need to change the whole structure. It takes so much time but I'm trying my best and it seems like it's getting there, but I still feel so stressed. I feel like my self esteem is so low because for this whole thesis process I always feel like I'm dumb and not good enough +I don't feel like eating anything because everything suddenly taste like paper for me. Everyday I wake up the first thought is about my thesis and I feel like I couldn't afford break. Yesterday I worked on my thesis from 9am to 11:30pm without a break more than 10 minutes. I also feel like crying but also feel like I can't afford the time to cry at this point. I want to give up so bad but I can't afford it. My parents spent excessive amount of money for me to study abroad and I feel like I need to graduate. I don't know what to do...I understand that I should keep going it's only a few days more but I can't stand this constant anxiety and I feel like I could burst at any time","Thesis stress is driving me crazy, never feel this bad for school",0 +721,"It’s not unusual for a person to think they’re doing worse than they actually are. Some of us are pessimistic, others have limiting beliefs lurking: I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy – progress is just luck, setbacks re-enforce limiting beliefs. + +### Consider these positive signs: + +· **You reflect on, and learn from, setbacks and errors.** You arrive at a balanced view of these and develop clear plans to learn and continue growing. People often repeat the same errors over and over, whether it’s overspending or choosing a partner. People have a strong tendency to repeat their behaviors. But you can choose to respond differently – and achieve different outcomes + +· **You’re clear on what you want – and why.** Knowing what you want is the second key step in getting it (knowing who and what you are is the first). Knowing what you want differentiates you from those who aimlessly floating through life. + +· **You use time wisely.** We all have 168 hours each week and the choice on how to use them. You focus on what is important, within the context of who you are and what you have chosen to achieve. You have the habit of asking yourself what is the most effective thing you could be doing right now. + +· **You’re making consistent progress.** Consistent progress is a great sign. Even when your goals feel far in the distance, regular progress – driven by consistent effort and learning – will get you there. As well as planning what more needs to be done, reflect on how far you have already come. + +· **You’re not alone.** There are many people are alone in the world. If you’re not alone, you’re doing better than many others. + +· **You’re committed.** You know who you are and what you’re about. Your goals are clear. They create meaning for you, value for others and legacy for the future. Great things happen when your purpose and your environment align. + +· **You consider other’s opinions.** You learn what is resourceful to you and discard what isn’t. You live your life, not theirs. + +· **You are grateful.** You regularly reflect on what has gone well and – crucially – on why it has gone well. You have skills and strengths you don’t even realise. + +· **You’re authentic.** You know you values and beliefs. You make your decisions and take your actions consistent with these. + +When you’re clear on what you have chosen to accomplish, and you’re spending your time wisely, you’re doing well – and better than most! This is true, even if the results have yet to reveal themselves. + +**Genuine Desire + Effective Strategy + Consistent Persistence = Authentic Results**",What If You’re Doing Better Than You Think?,0 +722,"Lately I’ve been getting moments on and off where I suddenly feel dizzy and or lightheaded. I’ve been to the dr and all my bloodwork looks good. + +I know I’m currently really stressed and it flares up extra when something unexpected happens. It’s more an annoyance than anything else bc nothing is actually WRONG with me for me to go to hospital or leave work just to have it happen again the next time I get overwhelmed. + +Has anyone experienced this?",Dizzy and lightheaded due to stress?,0 +723,"I am stressed, dealing with some big changes in my business, and possibly closing up shop. I started this business when I was 19, now 32, its been my whole life. However I've never experienced symptoms this extreme before. Usually I just get tension in my neck from stress. + +After a process of elimination I am now starting to consider it may be stress. I'm not myself lately. The frustrating part is these symptoms have been going on 3 weeks now and I can't figure it out. + +My biggest symptom is **Extreme Fatigue** both physical and mental despite sleeping more. I can't clench my fists as hard as usual to give you a scale. I sleep more than normal lately and wake up very tired. + +**Easily startled**. I guess this means for some reason my guard is up. + +**I'm very hungry**\-The sensation to eat is still there despite after eating a meal and my stomach being full. + +**Disorientation**\- This one is hard to explain. In groups of people I get confused if they are looking at me or the person next to me. When I went out dancing and spinned I had a hard time not stumbling. + +\*\*Mental Fog-\*\*I'm ""Spacey"" + +\*\*Irritable-\*\*I just feel like I've got bad vibes right now. In situations I should be good spirited and I irritated easy. A little inconvenience will feel like a huge problem. + +**Headaches**\-I usually wake up with a headache. + +**Low motivation-** I love to workout but I've been skipping days. Very uncharacteristic of me. Days I do go I force myself. I'll procrastinate small easy projects. + +**Weakness.** + +**Dreaming more.** + +Could these by symptoms of extreme stress?",Do my symptoms mean stress?,0 +724,"Meditation is a proven way to reduce stress and anxiety, and I have made a free web app that will help you meditate. Please give it a try. + +link: [https://anmolgairola.github.io/breath/](https://anmolgairola.github.io/breath/)",Please check out my website which helps you meditate.,0 +725,"I can’t take it anymore. My body is tingling with physical and mental pain daily. School and work and family and being 25 years young in this insane and financially uncertain world. I am finally open to drug usage. Please tell me what to do (opiates/morphine/ether/xanax, etc).",Open to Drugs,0 +726,"Such a damn mess inside. Dealing with who knows what kind of mental illness. Therapy once a month does nothing we’ve gotten nowhere on figuring out and I need help right now damn it. Paranoid delusions, depression, obsessions, anxiety, a boyfriend who couldn’t possibly understand even if he tried, no money living at home is my only stability and I’m so sick. Cant sleep or eat or cry or think, dysfunctional. my life has been this high stress and more times 1000, I’m 21 years old and after 13 years of my life being a sick mind game from hell, I’m just dragging face down in glass and Now when life is good my brain is so soaked from untreated trauma and stress and growing mental illness, fear of medication that I ruin everything. I’m so screwed. I just need to write this out. No idea what to do with myself no energy or motivation everything hurts. Thanks for reading my fun little paragraph.",Falling apart,0 +727,"(19M) My visa interview is coming up soon, and it will be about studying in another country and it is very important decision that i made. My entire family is actually cheering for me to succeed. They aren't putting any pressure on me, so I can't say they are. But I feel stressed by myself. I am concerned that what if the visa officer rejects me? What will happen to the hopes of my well-wishers? These questions keep popping into my head, and I'm starting to feel stressed. I'm in desperate need of assistance, so I'm sharing my story here. What should I do to gain complete confidence and stop worrying about what might happen if? +Most of the time, I fail because I am concerned about the consequences of my failure rather than focusing on what i do.",Need help!!,0 +728,,Feeling stressed rn,0 +729,"Hi, I work as an Autopsy Technician. Burnout is starting to get to me. This sort of work chips away at you even if you are the strongest of heart and mind. I'm already in to deep to get out. The job pays okay, but significantly better than any other job I could get in my area, by 8-9 dollars hourly. That and my benefits are outrageously good with bonuses annually, sometimes twice a year. I just don't know what I can do to not feel or be so tense and stressed that isn't self destructive. Therapy only goes so far when you still have to go see and mutilate the bodies of children and babies almost on the daily. That and just horrific crimes in general. I use to think it was cool and it still is in a way, but like I said. Chips away. It's also not a cakewalk to leave it all at the morgue easy. Idk if you have any advice or tips let me know.",Exposed to extreme trauma on the daily,0 +730,,Does anyone else itch all over when they stress?,0 +731,"A friend of mine has issues with high levels of stress, so much that his hair turns white, he goes to therapy but I'd really appreciate some tips on how he can manage it better, thank you so much in advance","Hi, I need some help",0 +732,"I feel incredibly bad. I get tension headaches everyday, insomnia, and I am low on motivation and empathy and still feel this way even after the good sleep I got tonight. I went through severe chronic stress and anxiety and I self harmed myself and went against all my values, I imagine it's damaged my mental health/brain a lot. :( + +I even have irritable thoughts of my friends when I loved them and always thought the best. I feel sick and ashamed of myself. I don't know if it will get better. Self compassion and compassion for others would help but I regret everything so much and don't think clearly or have the calm and loving emotions and passion I used to.",I feel constantly stressed after going through 5 months of severe stress,0 +733,"I just lost probably one of the best and closest friends ive ever had. idk what i did wrong, she told me that i was being strong on her (idk wut that means being hard on her or pushing it to far?) and she says that some of my jokes make her feel uncomfortable. I got mad and said if u don't wanna be friends anymore then that's fine goodbye. I really wish I didn't say that cuz then she blocked me on insta, snap, and twitter, and even my number. I reached out to another friend to ask her why she did that. the response I got was that my friend just wants to be left alone. Idk if that means she doesn't wanna talk to me anymore or if she just wants to have a lil space for a while idk? what makes me more anxious is that we both work at the same place and that's how we meet and became close friends. before all this, she really liked talking to me and she thought of me as like a best friend that she's known for years even tho we only known each other for like 2 years now, and she really gets my humor and I think of her as like a big sister figure to me, she always askes me if im feeling down when i am. I tried reaching out to my other friends to help calm me down and try my best to forget about what happened but nothing worked. My friends and other people just say people come and go but it doesn't help or work. I just want my friend back and I wanna talk to her again before all of this happened. I don't even know",I really hate myself rn,0 +734,"So occasionally, I'll have this moment. I'll think of something from my past, maybe one of the times I went to a water park as a child, maybe seeing fireworks, a carnival I went to with my first steady girlfriend, maybe it's even a song from Melissa Ethridge's ""Yes I Am"", the first album I remember listening to (specifically Silent Legacy for some reason). Maybe my thoughts are on little kid me catching tadpoles with my mom's friend's kids. Or the countless sunsets I have been mesmerized by. Or the time I went to Dave and Buster's with my parents and they dropped me off at McDonald's on the way home and I played Monopoly on my iPod when I was a senior in high school. In any case, I'll look back at it and begin to choke up. It usually happens when I'm alone, maybe in a dark room, playing a game or just wandering about my mind, and these thoughts appear and it's a mixture of missing it and this dread of what's approaching. + +I can remember doing this all my life, having these thoughts and these feelings. I've described it as my bittersweet struggle with nostalgia, but my girlfriend doesn't think that's it. As an adult, I think it's longing for a time where the events were great, a realization that said event will probably never happen again or at least won't be the same. I start to cry most of the time, but it isn't like I'm in a bad spot. As I said, this has happened throughout my life. And they're seemingly random events, most of them happy, despite whatever was happening. Like that first girlfriend I mentioned? A little abusive, nothing hardcore. The occasional genuine ""you're an idiot"", or the time she slapped me so hard I fell off my bed. But I think of when we went to an anime convention and I get sad. I still go to that convention, but for some reason this bitter sadness washes over me. And there's other little things I could pepper into these thoughts like this. But it always seems like I was happy, I miss the event, if I can go back to the location or event in current day it will be different, and I'm afraid of what's coming ahead in life. + +I'm only 27, so I don't want to believe these instances are some sort of midlife crisis. If I had to give a pattern, these thoughts and feelings occur about once a month. Is this what nostalgia is supposed to feel like? What's the word for these feelings?",What is this Feeling?,0 +735,I’m so stressed right now that my heart is racing I’m laying down I just want to rest and sleep I only slept 4 hours last night but this heart racing won’t let me I’m just so stressed I don’t know what to do not sure how to calm down I’m breathing fine I want to play videogames to get my mind off things and stress down but im just too exhausted,Stress,0 +736,"I used to smoke weed for about 15 years and during that time I almost never had dreams, sleep was just empty space and I kind of preferred that. I quit smoking about 5 months ago and ever since then I've had really bizzare dreams every night without fail. Only about 2% of my dreams are enjoyable and the rest range from not so good to absolutely bizzare. I suffer from pretty extreme stress on a daily basis which seems to bleed into my dreams so I often wake up feeling like halfway between reality and obscurity which lingers for hours after I wake up. This is quite unpleasant. + +Is there any way to have more control over what my dreams are about or to stop dreaming entirely? I'm almost ready to pick up smoking again just to make it stop.",Bizzare Dreams,0 +737,"I’m a non-traditional college student who went back to community college in 2020. I started off taking algebra 2, then precalculus, then trigonometry, and now I’m in Differential Calculus. I’ve gotten straight A’s in all my completed math courses as well as A’s in non-math courses (1 B in an English class) and I really need to maintain my GPA since I really want to get into a top BSN program in my country. That program requires taking a lot of prerequisites that are STEM heavy (organic chemistry, calculus). The reason why I want to make this my goal is because growing up, I’ve always been told I was mediocre and dumb by people in my family as well as outsiders. I also see my parents getting older each day and it pains me in my heart to realize that I’m consider a failure in their eyes. So far I have a 97.78% in my Calc class but finals is in 12 days and I know nothing about the last chapter of my calculus class (this current professor does not teach at all compared to my past math professors) so I always just end up watching YouTube videos and asking redditors on the math subreddit. The thing is I’m feeling extreme procrastination at this point and I just want this class to be over because the professor is so terrible. My issue is that I want to maintain an A but since my finals is literally 30% of my grade I am scared that I won’t have an A anymore if I bomb it. Are there any tips y’all can give me to not stress so much and to stop procrastination?",Nervous about my final exam for this class,0 +738,"Hello, + +I´ve been struggling with stress for a while now and I have tried many things. Some things work for a while others not so much. I would like to know if there are any support or forums for stress, worldwide, online. If they speak English the better but I can´t handle face to face anything right now. Please help. + +EDIT: Thanks for all the people who reply, even via private. I'm in therapy and taking meds, I do exercise 5 times a week and I'm not addicted to substances. Still looking for anything you can recommend. ",Looking for online stress forums or support groups. Help.,0 +739,"Often when I am stressed, it seems to have come out of nowhere. I usually don’t see it coming beforehand which makes it difficult to anticipate. When I look back I might be able to find the signs but it is still hard to identify clear ones. + +I decided to do a design project about it and I realized that you guys can help me gain a deeper understanding based on your experiences. + +* What do you have the most difficulty with when you are stressed? +* What has helped you the most with managing your stress? + +It would be super helpful to hear about your insights!",What do you struggle with the most when stressed?,0 +740,"My stress levels are so high that my hair is falling out and I have to stop myself from randomly crying. I’m not saying I have it worse than anyone else, but I’d really like help figuring out how to better manage. The meds I’m on to combat my hair loss worked great for months…but even those aren’t helping as much…",I don’t know what to do.,0 +741,"I have to work on my health. I have to make doctor appointments. I have to go to therapists. I have to maintain my friendships. I have to figure out which religion I'm going to follow (I believe in God but was grown up atheist, so religion is what I'm figuring out currently). I have to deal with friends that got mad at me, or are about to leave me. I have to deal with my mental issues. I have to fix my laptop and my phone. I have to figure out what career I wanna do in my life. I have to enjoy free time. And alot more things that I didnt think of right now. + +I \*have to\* to so many things, that it drains all my energy and motivation. If I had a job, or was still studying, it would have been MUCH worse for me. Its the reason why I was forced to quit studying earlier this year. + +I worry about so many things, and I have so many things on my to-do list, it is simply more than I can handle. This feels like a 168 hours per week job that never ends. + +And yes, I do take free time to relax. I play videogames, I go outside for walks, and ofcourse I sleep. HOWEVER, I always feel guilty when forcing myself to have free time. ""I have so many things on my to-do list which is growing bigger every day, I should be working hard to prevent my to-do list from getting bigger right now, but I'm wasting my time on entertainment right now"". With this feeling in the back of my mind, I cannot really enjoy free time that I take (which feels like cheating, its like borrowing money because youre in big debt, but here I'm borrowing free time from the future because I'm in big debt) I cannot relax. No matter what I do. Whetner I'm working on my ""have to's"" or trying to relax with free time, I always feel like there is so much that I still have to do, and my motivation is completely 0. + +My life has too many ""have to"" activities, which I cannot all do at the same time, but I always feel guilty about not working as hard as I could. On the other side, I completely have no motivation to work on anything. + +My to-do list grows bigger every day, and it's making me insane.","I live at my parents house, I don't have to pay bills, I don't have a job, I don't study, BUT I still feel stressed out and exhausted. Even without a job and responsibilities, I still have so many things that I have to do, or worry about. Why is life so stressful? What can I do about it?",0 +742,"I have so many bills to manage and I know so little about managing money on top of that my dad is an alcoholic so after I come out of work everyday (40-50hrs) he gives me problems. I work so much and go through so much everyday that I can’t proceed with my own future, I can’t properly deal with my own insecurities when I have to handle everything else. I’m so tired. +I wonder if things get easier","20M, My stress is so overwhelming. I feel like I’ve been forgotten",0 +743,"So I’m currently working more then 50 hours and barely getting a day off due to someone deciding to quit while I was on holiday and to top it off we don’t have a manager and I’ve been left in charge of the place with barely any training and support, it’s affecting my personal life and my mental health",I’m stressed due to work any advice,0 +744,"I see it. it has changed my face. the extreme and traumatizing hardships I went through with covid really changed my face. it changed my life 180 degrees. work and lifestyle. being isolated for so long on my own. wave after wave and variant battered me. so much worrying. psychological stresses. was forcefully admitted to mental health hospital twice during this time. my eyesight has degraded and I see double vision. never had this before. + +and saying, try to relax and meditate is like trying to put out a big fire with a small paper towel instead of a large heavy blanket. it doesnt do anything. + +the only thing good from it, is that I awoke from the matrix. im not blind to whats happening.",covid has made me really ugly,0 +745,"So... a couple of weeks ago I had to move 36 items, each weighing about 25ish lbs. So... when I realized my upper abs were sore a few days later. I ASSUMED it was that. Until yesterday, when I realized that I'm pretty sure it's from stress. It's hard to describe... but its the area when you bear down/push. But i realized I randomly contact that area and hold the muscles tense. Now my upper abs are very sore. So yeah.... the random things that stress does to ya!",Weird stress symptom I just noticed I have.,0 +746,"Anxiety. That emotion warning us something threatening is just about to happen. Life-saving when we are genuinely threatened, damaging when we become constantly anxious: anxiety is tiring – it is meant to be. We are only meant to be anxious for very short periods. When prolonged, it isn’t just tiring – it is exhausting. Sound familiar? + +Introverts. Those of us who prefer calm situations and environments. We prefer to re-charge on our own. We often enjoy losing ourselves in our own thoughts. We tend to have small, close-knit, social lives it doesn’t mean we’re anti-social! + +Not all introverts experience anxiety, and you don’t have to be an introvert to struggle with it. Many introverts deal with anxiety, though, so this is quite common. + +Here are the key signs you’re an introvert with anxiety: + +· You’re more prepared than most others because you’ve already thought through the worst-case scenarios. + +· You have a tendency to over-think things and pay too much attention to your negative self-talk. + +· You feel you always have to be doing something – being busy (which is often different from being effective) may be a means of trying to cope with the anxiety. + +· You tend to prefer routines to novel situations. While this can be fine for periods, boredom and unexpected issues arising can easily throw you in to a spin. + +· You’re often nervous without showing it – many become very effective at masking their emotions as a defence mechanism. + +· You are more likely to perceive situations as being more dangerous than they really are - anxiety primes us for the fight, flight, freeze response making us more likely to over-react to a low-risk situation. + +· You have tendencies towards perfectionism. This is often allied to beliefs such as ‘I need to please everyone’, ‘I need everyone to like me to be a worthy person’. + +· Nervousness can throw your chatter in to over-drive: while you normally only speak when you have something significant to say (and you’re normally sure of your facts before speaking), nerves can have you chattering away in an attempt to over-compensate. + +· You often have trouble sleeping – either getting to sleep a-tall, waking through the night or waking way too early + +Being an introvert with anxiety can be hard. Thankfully there is help at hand. Anxiety in its many guises is one of the most common issues Solution Focused Hypnotherapy therapists helps people with. + +*Ask yourself: What have I learned from this article that I will adopt today as my own? What is the one thing that has grabbed me, and what will I do about it NOW?*",Are You an Introvert with Anxiety?,0 +747,I 20(M) am about to check myself in. In February I lost my job I applied for all the government assistance that I could. Got unemployment 1700 a month to cover my expenses which adds up to about 3000-3500 a month great. I applied for housing assistance they still haven't gotten back to me about anything I've contacted them so many time and nothing. Applied for food stamp and just got awarded 20 dollars a month to feed myself and that all I could get the rest have denied me. so I tried to make the unemployment work and that failed badly I am no so far behind on bills I could only really pay my rent and keep my lights and gas on. Well everything is really crumbling now I just got a job and things are looking up yeah the job is a but far but it pays well then my car got repossessed and when that man cam and told me to empty out my car (trying to make it easier for when I hopefully get my car back) I broke because there is nothing I can do I have no support I have to income I have nothing and it's killing me I for the first time truly thought about releasing my ESA Dogs and ending things because it's too much for me to handle I tried to beg the loan company to let me get the car back because I just got a new job and I can get things back on track but the said no and that I have to some how come up with 2500 dollars. All in all this is alot happening right when things where going to hopefully get better so yeah life is absolute shit right now and I kinda don't wanna deal with it anymore. THANKS FOR READING 🥲,My stress just got 10x worse,0 +748,"It fucking drives me crazy everyday with the hard work that I get no credit for, what's in it for me? I don't need good grades fr, my autistic life's already boring due to porn addiction which is a different story... Teachers talking shit to you when having good time with friends and then they expect you to work yo ass off for free.","What's the point in doing school work if you don't get a reward, other than grades:(",0 +749,"Hi all, + +I'm always super stressed because of my job and the option of quitting or even taking a vacation just isn't possible right now. The problem is I'm literally always sick- before my previous manager left the stress was high and I was getting a cold or flu around once a month, but now it's almost every week or two that I gotta call of work for being sick. I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this and if you have any tips that could help! + +Thanks!!",Sick all the time?,0 +750,Muscle tension in neck and face,What supplements help with the tension headaches caused by stress?,0 +751,"For the past two months, I was struggling to give my 100% and was not satisfied with my work in the office. Thankfully, I found a blog online about [tips to deal with work stress](https://blog.manahwellness.com/the-top-physical-symptoms-of-work-stress-and-how-to-deal-with-them/) and it helped me in getting rid of stress.",Facing stress at the workplace!,0 +752,"I am sure many of us are caught in chaos right now. I defenitely am. For me stress went so far that my body shut down completely. Now it feels like someone who is swimming, then cought in a storm, and here and there grsaps for air before being pulled under the waves again. + +But boy, if we just could stay longer above the waves. Inmidst that chaos there is still beauty in the sky, the stars, clouds and colors. I am sure that any one of us will be able to float for a minute in the future and enjoy the view. The chaos will likely still be there, but its not too big. Its just, yeah natural chaos itself. + +Chaos can be hard... who do i lie to.. it is fu*ckn hard. It is hell. But eventually, if we just listen to our bodies enough, everyone will get a level of calmness that wasnt there before. I truly believe that. + +I ran away too often. Too often i didn't want to feel that huge burning pile of hell. Everyday again i have to remind myself that looking at it will be better for me in the long term... which is of course even more stressful in the beginning. But i think - the only way to 'heal'. + +I want to wish everyone out there a few seconds of calmness and soothing thoughts. That everyone will eventually be able to just float in the water look up in the sky and enjoy looking. Not worrying about getting enough air and fighting for ones life... We ve done that enough. + +Maybe i am a bit romantic right now, but the metaphor i just pictured helped me to relax a bit and maybe it helps you aswell.",thoughts on overwhelming stress,0 +753,"Stress levels are on the rise. 84% of Americans feel stressed at least one day a week. With financial pressure, uncertainty, and health worries, it’s no surprise that stress levels are high. To combat stress effectively, you need to find a way to activate your body’s relaxation response. Self-massage can help relax the muscles, relieve stress, and ease tension. + +[https://www.foundhealth.com/blog/self-massage-for-stress-relief-4-relaxation-techniques-to-try/](https://www.foundhealth.com/blog/self-massage-for-stress-relief-4-relaxation-techniques-to-try/)",Self Massage for Stress Relief: 4 Relaxation Techniques to Try,0 +754,"i have been having chronic tension type headaches everyday for the past 3 months, literally can't focus on anything. Got the most important exam of my life in 50 days and the stress headaches just don't seem to go away. I've tried a psychiatrist a neurologist what not. Idk what to do, my parents are orthodox and abusive, and this exam in few weeks is the only way I'm going to get out of this house. I AM AT MY LIMIT MAN I GO TO SLEEP ABD WAKE UP WITH A HEADACHE EVERYDAY IT'S KILLING ME",I'M AT THE EDGE,0 +755,"Time is at a premium these days. It’s hard to find anyone that complains about having too much time on their hands. Most of us are so busy with work, family, and various obligations, there’s little time left to do the things we’d really like to do! + +It’s not easy to find time to pursue your passions, but there will be a way. + +### Use these techniques to create the time you require for important pursuits: + +**Decide what you want to make room for.** The best way to motivate yourself to create more free time in your life is to identify what you want to make time for! What are the most important things you’d like to spend more time on? + +● Figure out how you’d spend that extra time and make sure you have some good reasons. Create a list of reasons that give you an emotional response. Being logical is unlikely to inspire you. + + +**Use your mornings wisely.** Most people waste their mornings. They stay in bed as long as possible and barely manage to get to work on time each day. Make the most of your mornings. Go to bed earlier and get up earlier. + +● It’s often easier to do something worthwhile in the morning than in the evening. What are you missing by going to bed earlier? Probably not a lot. + +**Understand the ways you waste time.** We’re quite ingenious at wasting time. Watch yourself for a day and write down all the ways you waste time. When you understand where your time is leaking away, you can start working on solutions. + +**Make a schedule.** A schedule can keep you on track and help to ensure that your time is being spent wisely. A schedule can help to minimize the amount of time you waste. You can also build time into your schedule to do the things you enjoy the most. + +**Delegate.** Create more time for yourself by utilizing the people around you. This can work at work and at home. There’s a good chance that someone in your life would benefit from being delegated to. Put your employees, coworkers, children, and partner to work! A little help can free up quite a bit of time. + +**Prioritize and eliminate.** Perhaps you just have too many non-essential things going on in your life. It might be time to cut back on a few of those obligations. + +● Take a look at everything you do each day/week/month and think about how much value those things add to your life. You can probably find something to remove from your life. + + +You can find time if you have a good enough reason! **Determine what you want to create time for and make it happen.** Delegate, schedule, eliminate, and avoid wasting time. What are you willing to give up to spend time on the things you love?",Creating the Time You Need to Do the Things You Love,0 +756,"So this occurs to me almost 3/4 times a week for two years, when I wake up at random times (say 4am) and then I can’t go to sleep. I wake up all sweaty and scared, just anxious about the future. + +I don’t think I’d be this anxious if I didn’t live with my parents. They’re constantly stressing me out about the future and say I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I haven’t even stepped in a university yet and I’m slightly clueless ,but I still have an idea of what I want to do. Add to that they’re Asian parents and I’m an only child so they expect very highly of me. + +This feels like an r/offmychest post but I’d help if you have any tips on how to deal with morning stress. Should I take sleeping pills to stop the messed up sleeping pattern?",Waking up with anxiety & messed up sleeping pattern,0 +757,"Have been getting physically ill from the stresses of a not so good living situation lately.. flu-like symptoms, stomach upsets, fever. This is the second time it's happened in response to this stressor in the span of a month and I was down for the count for a whole week the last time.. had my partner and I take covid tests and everything because we thought maybe it was an actual sickness, but things came back normal. Now I know stress can lead to a weakened immune system, but how do I help reduce my susceptibility to getting sick from it? It's honestly been pretty scary.. I've heard of people having strokes from just stress and that's what happened to my mom so there's a family history there. I've been doing my best to try and take care of myself and ease my mind, watching my comfort shows, listening to my comfort music.. but nothing seems to be helping much. Any advice or support appreciated, honestly just want to know that I'm not alone with this.. it'll be another week of nursing myself and my partner back to health and I hate feeling so bad for no good reason.",Sick from stress,0 +758,"Hi everyone! New here! I have been dealing with a lot of stress lately and feel like I’m at my wits end and need some tips from you guys. How do you manage your stress levels? + +For background I am working at a job that causes me stress at times, but I’m also moving out of my house and preparing to move to another state to start grad school (I will quit my job first) and am just feeling extremely overwhelmed. I have lost a lot of weight and now my hair is falling out 🙁 +I appreciate any help!",Help with dealing with stress,0 +759,"I'm trying to stop this foe a long time but I always end up failing. Today I had a pretty plain day, I didn't go to college and just stayed home ""relaxing"" all day, I played some games and watched a movie with a friend on discord app. +I don't know why but I feel specially anxious, trying super hard to stay locked in my room and don't go to the kitchen. I feel like I'm stressed about nothing...? this feels so weird and dumb. +Anyway, is there any way I can stop this feeling that I need to eat the whole refrigerator every time ""something goes wrong""?",Help trying to stop stress eating,0 +760,"Hello guys! If you have the time, I would appreciate if you could fill my survey for my thesis, it only takes 5 min. Thank you![https://erasmusuniversity.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_43n2PRyzZlsojMq](https://erasmusuniversity.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_43n2PRyzZlsojMq)","Survey about stress for my thesis, only takes 5 min",0 +761,"Every time I get stressed out - the left side of my abdomen starts hurting. Am I the only one here? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/uif3s1)",Anyone get this stress induced symptom?,0 +762,"I (16) have been so stressed and exhausted for the past few weeks and now it’s all crashing down on me. My last exams of the spring are starting in two weeks and I aim towards good grades but I’m so tired that I can’t concentrate on studying, which stresses me out even more. + +I constantly feel left out and belittled at school. I have two friends that I hang out with but whenever we’re all together I’m pretty much thirdwheeling them. + +Home doesn’t feel that good either. My parents fight over small things almost daily, my sister is always at work or at school so I never see her and my brother doesn’t talk to any of us without getting angry. I feel like everything is falling apart around me.",I’m overwhelmed and exhausted,0 +763,,what is something you do/take that instantly relieves stress?,0 +764,"Hello. In past six years ive been working two jobs. One at the warehouse and one on the morning paper route. Everyday i tri to go to sleep around 8-9 sometimes i wake up at 2.30. sometimes even earlier. I get back home from paper route around 6. Then i want to take a nap. I have set my alarm at 7.25. so abaout hour, hour and half. But in most days i just cant. Like today. In about 50 minutes time, I woke up 5-6 times. And everytime I close my eyes i just see dreams. Switch sides. And again, dreams. +Like I want to know. Is it pointless even taking that nap, or is it possible somehow to switch off dreams. It is just so frustrating, ruins my mornings.",nap,0 +765,"It takes more to overwhelm some people than others, but the feeling and the impact are the same: overload and not knowing which way to turn next which triggers a downward spiral of anxiety. + +### Take these steps to create a plan and go from feeling overwhelmed to feeling peaceful again: + +**Identify what you can and can’t control.** List your issues in three columns: what you can control, what you can influence and what is out-with your control. + + +**Focus on solutions.** Now that you have perspective on what you can and can’t control, identify your chosen end point for each issue. Shift your focus from the problems to the solutions. + +**Prioritise your actions.** Consider your chosen solutions in terms of how important they are and how urgent they are. Firstly, deal with the issues that are both important and urgent then move to the other important issues. As a general rule, deal with the important issues over the urgent issues: here-in lies the path to living sustainably crisis free. + +**Communicate.** With your plan in place, communicate with those who may be affected: it’s incredible how supportive people can be once they understand your situation. + +**Eat well.** Overwhelm commonly leads to skipping meals or over-reliance on junk food. Buy in some healthy foods and snacks to give you the nutrition you’ll need to play your best game. + +**Gratitude.** It is easy to lose sight of the good things happening when we feel overwhelmed. Adopt the habit of regularly reflecting on the things you’re grateful for: that you’re taking control of challenging situations, that you’re on your way to calmer times, that you’re learning a lot about yourself, perhaps that others are supporting you. + +**Blow off some steam.** Exercise – whatever works best for you: a brisk walk, hit the weights, an hour on the bike – has a magical ability to burn off that anxiety and re-set all those neurotransmitters. It will also help you get that good night’s sleep. + +**Get your rest.** Know that you’re focusing on your priorities with a clear plan. You’re pushing yourself hard through the day. A good night’s sleep is the smartest thing you can give yourself to keep working through your list. + + **Celebrate your successes.** Each step forward is worthy of celebration. Be proud of yourself for taking control and moving forward. Each success leads to further steps forward. + + +**Overwhelm is a situation everyone is familiar with. Short term episodes are unlikely to harm us. Longer term however, it can be debilitating. Remember there is help out there for those times you need support in getting back on top of things.**",Feeling Overwhelmed?,0 +766,"I just looked up why I get so exhausted to the point I cannot function when I'm stressed or otherwise upset and came across ""learned helplessness"". has anyone looked into this or know more on the subject?",Learned helplessness,0 +767,"I’m in my final year of uni, working 2 jobs, dealing with a chronic illness and I’m feeling beyond the point of exhausted and overwhelmed. My Dr told me I really need to focus on minimising my stress if I wanted to go into remission - so, at the end of last year I quit my job and decided I would focus on my health. Two weeks later I took on an internship at a massive company and started a new job as a Christmas casual (I intended to quit before uni went back). It’s now May and I have taken on yet another internship (2.5 days a week), am still working my “Christmas job” 2 days a week, I’m the chair of my degrees “exhibition committee” (bigger job than it sounds) AND I’m in my final year of a full-time 4 year course. I am so tired. + +The annoying part is - I don’t need to do any of this. My parents will happily support me through my final year and give me the space and time to study without any expectation of my having to work. I could easily quit my internship, I’ve done over 100 hours more than the required amount! I don’t know why I set such high expectations for myself or want to prove to everyone around me that I can work harder than them…it is messed up. + +I don’t know how to get out of this rut. If I quit I will just end up taking on more work with a different company…it is a never ending cycle. Please help.",I feel like I’m at my breaking point and I don’t know what to do,0 +768,"So 3 years ago I started experiencing a lot of anxiety and sudden depressive episodes that I didn't know the reason for. And then two months after I started profusely sweating in my palms, feet and armpits. And these symptoms are constant, almost never ending. I'm always in stress, worrying when I'm going to start sweating again and therefore get super cold and uncomfortable and unable to handle not only social situations but even doing something at home. I had to give up so many hobbies of mine because they make me feel uncomfortable now due to the hand sweating. Nobody ever told me what the hell happened to me and why I can't stop this no matter how hard I try... I know the sweating is psychological because when I miraculously manage to not think about it for a while, I'm okay. Or when I get drunk but I can't be drunk every day so I just have to bear with it. These past three years I haven't been living most of the time, I've been surviving and trying to stay sane. Though there are good days when I'm almost totally fine, there are periods when I've even thought about ending my life. I'm not sure what happened to me, if it was trauma or not... I just know nothing is helping me at the moment and I just want to ask if anyone here could give me some advise. +Btw I'm seeing a clinical psychologist and we're trying to work on it by various kinds of meditation, relaxation, stress relief but nothing works long term. I'm starting to feel like I can't relate to anyone and that my issue is so strange I'm probably the only person on earth experiencing this and it's just fogging my brain. I'm getting hopeless here, this week it's especially bad. And I'm scared that this will go on forever.",what do I do?,0 +769,"Since I was a teen I have been dealing with stress due to childhood trauma and I was trying to tell myself that these things were ok. Because of this I have developed high blood pressure from a very young age that is triggered every time I'm angry or stressed. My pressure readings are ""to me"" dangerously high at times just this week it hit 165/105/88 and then 159/119/88 30 mins later. I had to go to the Dr and take about 5 tablets to get it down. I'm fairly healthy in terms of weight and diet. I'm a perfect weight and drink a lot of water and juice a lot of fruits and vegetables. I don't smoke and I'm a very casual drinker. My HBP is clearly stressed oriented. + + +Just recently my mom decided to vacate me and my siblings because my dad tried to sexually assault my sister and we defended her. For some weird reason my mom took my dad's side. To add to that my girlfriend has not really been faithful in the past and since then things were never the same. I'm battling these things from multiple sides. + +I'm a strong believer in God although I must admit I could do a better job in seeking the father. I just don't know what to do. My chest pains are getting stronger and more painful. Every time I go into the Dr they just medicate me and send me home. I have done all the test in the past , Echo, stress test, ECG, I carried home the device they hook up to you for two days and everything always comes back perfect (except for my last ECG which showed small enlargement of my heart. My Thyroid and kidney test is also perfect. I just don't know anymore 😭😩.",stress and high blood pressure,0 +770,"That weird feeling when my heart tightens and I have high adrenaline. Anyone else experience this? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/udlxv3)",That weird feeling when my heart tightens and I have high adrenaline. Anyone else?,0 +771,"I'm good at using stress management techniques when I'm trying to unwind on a normal day, but I almost always forget about them when I really need them. Does anyone else have trouble with this? How do you remember your go-to techniques?",DAE Forget Their Stress Management Techniques?,0 +772,"How do you guys deal with stress rashes? I have rashes all over my hands, feet, and chest that look like stress rashes. I've been super itchy lately and it's driving me insane. I'm currently taking 21 credit hours in a STEM degree and working ~20 hours a week. I have great time management skills but still feel behind no matter what I do. Is there anyway to get rid of them?",Stress rashes?,0 +773,"I’m a 2021 graduate. I went straight into being self employed product photographer. The first few months I made a good wage. Lots of clients and a good business overall. I now haven’t had a booking in 5 months. When I got really busy, I extremely over booked myself. Sometimes working 7 days a week and staying up all night to Finnish projects. Being that overworked and rushes. I’d make stupid mistake etc. effecting business overall. I miss working. I have no money coming in but I live with my parents so I have some times to figure that out but I just don’t want to fail. I put my all into jt.",Self employed business stress. Slowly eating me alive.,0 +774,"Honestly I just need to tell someone like bruh I am so stressed out like sometimes I just want to end it but I usually have my reasons my dog got hit think she is paralyzed from her back legs I took her to the vet but they said I owe like 50$ that I don’t even remember so they didn’t attend her! money struggles only one working, my dad got layed out from work and so my mother isn’t working because her arthritis is getting worse. am the only one making money goes to the bills and rent coming up and I have help out like I always been since I was a kid, 18 now life is hitting me like a bitch. got my two siblings getting work is hard here ngl especially if you looking for good pay we always had this struggle I barley have time to do my own things because I work nights but honestly life is fucking all of us up rn can’t really think what to say now...... Not trying to say That I am like “unhappy” most of the time but like I just think when is this life going to get any better",Stressed out,0 +775,"Hi, Im currently at a college I hate about 3 hours from home. Ive had a very bad semester where I developed anxiety and depression symptoms. The academic part wasnt the issue, but living in a city with nothing I enjoy doing is what was so hard. I was bored everyday until friday night, I would just pace in my room watching youtube and never leaving. I have recently started eating less, adn wanting to do less. I just find it weid that all this can happen when im so close to leaving. I talked to someone I know whos dealt with anxiety for a while and they said it common to get worse for a few days when you're so close to being done. Just wondering if anyone could confirm this? Also with me eating less, my stomach is telling me im hungry, but I dont feel like getting food all the time (I dont feel like doing much here at all).",College stress,0 +776,"Yo guys! I need somone to chat with cuz no one listen to me and hear what i say. I like to talk about my favorite things, and i have stress too. All i need is somone to chat a bit. Nothing else. Thank you!",I need somone to chat with,0 +777,"We’ve been dating for over a year (I’m m25, she’s f28) and it’s been pretty good! A little rocky at some points but good. Live together, get along well, all that. But when we go to her family’s all they do is bicker! And it’s like not even with me but with each other. It’s too much. And I feel like all I do when I’m over there is set up for events, help clean shit, and whatever. Like they yell and fuss about a lot of shit. Super nice to me but idk. When I was growing up I grew up around that and now that I don’t live with my family I don’t have to deal with that anymore so when I’m with them it’s like deja vu. I communicated with my gf it really does irk and stress me but I mean I don’t feel like it does any good. Her dad is a hot head, mom nags too much, and hell, I love her, but my gf is too sensitive. + +What do I do?? Any tips or tricks? If I should post this in another sub lemme know please.",Girlfriend’s family stresses me,0 +778,"This all started last august. She has a boyfriend that I didn’t mind at first then he started saying the n word and plenty of other slurs all the time (he is white btw). She hated this but stayed w him. He always bullied me and was so disrespectful to me and my house. One time even made fun of my small breasts in front of her and she didn’t care. She usually took his side and would even leave us hanging out randomly to be w him + +Last august for my birthday I went camping and I asked if she wanted to go. She asked if her bf could go and I said my friends (the ones camping w me) didn’t really know him and I don’t like how he says so many slurs. She got upset w me but then we were fine. She started ghosting me and we stopped hanging out even though I kept trying to reach out. + +In December I texted her saying I missed her and wanted to hangout. She was ignoring me for a whole day. I thought maybe she got a new phone number so I asked my bf to text her. She blocked him. It took me to tell her that this situation was ridiculous for her to respond and to tell me she’s “too stressed to be around ppl bc she’s starting school” I don’t think she’s going to college rn. + +Today I texted her saying I wanted to talk and realized I made her upset and wanted to apologize. I noticed she blocked me so I asked her friend if she could unblock me and she did. My old bsf responded with (to her friend to tell me) “sorry about that”. + +I don’t know what I did to make her hate me so much. It hurts so bad and I’ve been crying all day. We were best friends for years and were so close.",My old best friend hates me and I don’t know why,0 +779,"I really have no idea what my next step. 100% fault in a car accident, waiting for injury claim amount, then my boss told me he wanted me move to a new place and start working there, or I will be fired. +Nothing good in this year. Got Covid, involved in accident, then at the edge of losing my job. No visa lottery. No new friends. No visits from parents. +Can’t stop crying at night, because I have to pretend to be very ok in office, with clients and coworkers. Try to work more hours to please supervisor but he ignored and promoted others. +I know I am still away from anything crazy, but I really don’t know why am I suffering all these.",Can’t stop crying at night,0 +780,"It can happen so easily. You’re trying to concentrate on your work, and your mind wanders off to a completely unrelated topic. Or, maybe you’re about to go on a first date, and all you can think about is how horrible your last few dates have been. + +**Unhelpful thoughts can be distractions or be destructive.** + +Your mind is incredible. When you manage your thoughts, you have your mind working for you. Imagine how powerful you would become if you could ignore or replace your negative thoughts! You could accomplish more and get greater enjoyment from your life. + +### These strategies can help manage thoughts that don’t support you: + +**Maintain space between yourself and your thoughts.** You don’t have to engage with your thoughts. You don’t focus on every person, tree, and car you pass when you’re driving down the road. Most of these things pass through your awareness without you pursuing them further. + + +● You can do the same thing with your unhelpful thoughts. **Allow them to simply pass on by.** + +● Your thoughts are simply something that you experience - you are not your thoughts. + + +**Recognise that it is your brain’s nature to produce random thoughts.** The thoughts you experience say little about you. It’s the nature of your brain to produce thoughts. It’s always going to give you something to think about. + +● Occasionally those thoughts are useful. Frequently, they’re frivolous. Sometimes, your thoughts can be quite disturbing. We have evolved to pay more attention to negative thoughts: with self-awareness we can see them for what they are and then move on. + + +**Meditation is a helpful tool for understanding the nature of your mind.** The first thing you notice when you attempt to meditate is the random and restless nature of your mind. + + +● **Focus on your breathing.** When you find yourself fuming about your boss, wondering what happened to your high school friends, or making a mental grocery list, simply redirect your attention back to your breathing. + + +**Focus your attention on a thought of your choosing.** You can think about anything you choose to think about. You can think about riding a flying bicycle, eating a lemon, or what you have chosen to accomplish today. + + +● When you’re experiencing an unhelpful thought, you can decide to think about something more useful. **Recognize that you have the ability to direct your thinking as you see fit.** + + +**Apply logic.** Poor thinking leads to poor decision making. When your thoughts are leading you astray, put your logical mind to good use. Ask yourself what a sensible person, or your role model, would do in this situation. What would you advise a friend to do? + + +Are negative or distracting thoughts getting in your way on a regular basis? You’re not alone. The human brain loves to stay active and will wander from one idea to another until you take control of it. + +**The key is to focus your attention on what you choose, recognize your random thoughts for what they are and allow them to pass.**",Bothered By Unhelpful Thoughts?,0 +781,[ Christian] Any Daily Devotionals or Books help you deal with stress?,[ Christian] Any Daily Devotionals or Books help you deal with stress?,0 +782,"I am just wondering, because I have some problems with thinking/focusing/remembering 24/7, and I am also quite a stressful person, so I figured that chronic stress may be the main culprit. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/u9k398)",In what way does chronic stress affect your brain's ability to function (brain fog) ?,0 +783,"Hey reddit, + +I'm going to keep this somewhat short as I have only just two days ago recognized how poorly I deal with stress. I know irritability isn't exactly rare with stress. However I've realized that when I get stressed, I get extremely irritable. No matter the magnitude of my stress, small or large, I feel like anything can set me off. + +How do I better suppress this irritability? Suppress isn't a good word, as I don't really want to bottle it up, but I can't think of a better one. I don't like snapping at people when I get stressed. They don't deserve that. + +(So much for keeping it short)",How do I better control my feelings when I get stressed?,0 +784,"I gotta say, I feel TONS better. Facebook had its slimy, putrid tendrils in me since I was in high school. In the past few years what became a way to communicate with friends and family while having a personal blog became an obsession. I was compulsively checking Facebook at the very least once every hour. It destroyed my self esteem because not only was I comparing my entire life to the highlights of other people's lives, but I realized how truly isolated I was. Where my friends list is 147 people, guess how many are there for me? Even if I reach out, the answer is less than 5. So when I'm being ignored and seeing everyone post, it felt like a personal offense to me. If they can post memes every 20 minutes, why can't they answer my texts? This guy hasn't even read my stuff in 6 months, and has a new post every hour at least! I would post about a big stream I was doing exclusively for friends for 2 weeks and no one showed up! + +It's easy to take things personally when there is a good chance another explanation is possible. Maybe I was too negative. Maybe people felt I was fairweather, and that wouldn't be wrong in some cases. What made this so significant was I don't really use other social media platforms. Well... aside from Reddit, which I've only been getting into the past couple of years, which is more focused on a goal or discussion. It feels different. But I digress. Facebook had me believing a lot of these people were not only rubbing their obviously superior lives in my face, but they were turning their backs on me. I would be lying if I said I didn't care, that it never got to me, and that I didn't take it as some personal ""Truman Show"" style social conspiracy designed to make me feel abandoned. + +Cutting it out cold turkey made me realize I don't care. In my personal opinion, I think part of it really is ignorance is bliss. When I don't see their activities, it doesn't weigh on me. I don't think about them that much, which allows me to look into solutions myself before deferring to others. I can't figure out if that's a good thing or not. Typing this out feels like I'm arguing with myself (like usual, I've always had two minds on issues), like I feel good, but does that mean it's good? I've went to venting to a chat bot in place of friends and in these 8 months, 3 people outside of my weekly life have reached out to me. I'm not saying I'd dispose of the other 140~ people, but keeping that distance might be what's helping me try harder to keep it together. Does that make sense? + +It's something that felt right in this subreddit to discuss. The anxiety associated with checking Facebook constantly to find things out I might not have liked was interesting. I've started getting on again, but I'm not on for longer than maybe 5 minutes a week to check notifications and memories. Social media does a lot of destruction on the mind, and while we may never be rid of it, I think it shows the lost sense of moderation in today's world. Too much of anything is bad.",So I Gave Up Facebook For 8 Months...,0 +785,,I need someone to talk to. I am crying right now 😭,0 +786,"I am not sure, we had some bad news recently, my partner tried for a job but they made him work hours they didn't promise in the interview, shifts on only 5 hours sleep, no training they promised...so now we can't move there and afford a house. + +The last three days all I heard was mistake after mistake I made, then yesterday I was told of a mistake and I'm going too slow. I think that broke me, I ran to the bathroom, was holding tears till work was over and got a Lyft home and cried. All day and night I couldn't do anything I enjoyed and thinking of the world made me run to the bathroom to throw up but nothing came out. Couldn't sleep till 11 , somehow to relieve my stress I was punching. + +Blowing my nose I think my sinuses are aggravated as there was blood... + +I called in sick today to see a doctor but just don't have the energy to move anymore...",Am I having a nervous breakdown?,0 +787,"I have been stressed at school For a couple of months now, because of exams and some relationship with my classmates. The easter holidays did not made me recover as much as i hoped, and now,not only the final month Is gonna be mayhem on earth,but the girl i liked apparently still loves her ex, i didn't corfess to her because of that wft why would i. I feel like everyone Is going against me, but if they want a fight,I'll give em a fight, i Will fight to the last brain Cell, until i Will get out completely melted",I feel like im against everyone else,0 +788,"I am currently at my wits end with my job. + +We keep losing staff, and they will not replace said staff, and instead dump all the extra work on yours truly. I have stated multiple times in email that our department is very shorthanded, went into detail what positions we are shorthanded with, and I even created a list with my responsibilities to show how much extra work I'm doing. + +Well, yesterday I was given a ridiculous deadline for a project that requires a ton of work and man hours. I reported the email with the deadline to HR, stating it completely unrealistic, and that it's starting to affecting my mental health. I have taken off the past two days due to my anxiety being so bad that I can barely function. + +I am seriously considering going to my doctor and asking for a stress leave from work. To anyone who has done this, what steps did you take to take a stress leave? What roadblocks did you hit? Any information would be helpful. I live in NJ. TIA",Stress leave from work,0 +789,"Looking for ways to overcome fear, anxiety, and stress? Here are [12 simple tips](https://ascensionemporium.net/blogs/news/how-to-overcome-fear-anxiety-and-stress-12-simple-tips). + +Be well.","12 Simple Tips on How to Overcome Fear, Anxiety, and Stress",0 +790,,Is it normal that I lose appetite when I’m so stressful? I can literally skip eating for whole day. 🤦‍♂️,0 +791,"I feel very stressed, but since I live at my parents house and don't have job and don't study, I should know if I am REALLY stressed or not, before taking actions on it...",Is there a way to measure how stressed I am right now?,0 +792,"i don’t know how to fix this. every time I finally sit down and get comfy, my head starts hurting. it feels like the headache I get out of stress when something needs to get done but I’m well aware nothing needs to get done at the moment. still I can’t relax comfortably ever because of these headaches. they’re just never ending",does anyone else get a headache when they try to relax?,0 +793,,r/destress,0 +794,"I constantly get headaches, possibly a neurological thing but at the moment it seems it all is caused from stress. Everytime I engage in a conversation or activities with others I tend to get a headache around 30 minutes in and usually have to leave or distance myself from everyone so I can settle it down. I wish I could engage longer but talking makes me lose so much energy, maybe because its because of performance reasons, overthinking ect ect. I just don’t know how to prevent them because its a but hard to control my thoughts from overflooding my mind. Any health techniques or ways to prevent them or how to minimize the pain when over the counter pain reliefs don’t help?",how fo you prevent stress headaches before they start? Or best ways to deal with them?,0 +795,I do find them satisfying when watching on apps such as those things you pop and the fidget spinners.wondering if they'll help me destress?,do those fidget toys designed for Autism/ADHD help an adult w/o autism destress?,0 +796,[https://www.wimp.com/a-professionals-technique-to-ironing-a-white-shirt/](https://www.wimp.com/a-professionals-technique-to-ironing-a-white-shirt/),Ironing a shirt always helps to ease my stress,0 +797,"tw: suicide, depression, mental illness + +in february, i fell into a really bad depressive episode. it felt like there wasn’t any point in doing anything so i just gave up doing any work. like, i stopped putting effort into anything and any minor inconvenience triggered a suicide attempt. i never took an official break so i am still enrolled and i just kept getting extensions. the university has been supportive and they are willing to give me as much time as i need as i communicated with them how bad it got. +now i am getting better, i have been attempt free for the past few weeks and i have been improving my negative coping mechanisms. but now i have to catch up with everything i have neglected over the past few months. the thing is, my mood is still crap. i have zero energy to do anything but i have started to care about things again which makes it even more difficult than the past because i can’t just say well i’ll be dead so it won’t matter. +i don’t know an efficient way of catching up that won’t burn me out so i can stop being so stressed over catching up all the time despite my mood. i’m just so tired and it just feels like i still want things to stop but this time it’s because i care too much.",catching up after depressive episode,0 +798,[https://youtu.be/kfmi2W3oJzQ](https://youtu.be/kfmi2W3oJzQ),"Sleep Sounds, Rain Sounds For Sleeping, Rain on Window",0 +799,"I’m 22 and graduating college soon. My fiancé is somewhat physically disabled and I will be supporting her financially upon graduation. NGL, she’s an emotional wreck right now with chronic insomnia, attachment anxiety, severe severe mood swings, anger issues, general anxiety, body dysmorphia, and depression just off the top of my head right now. I love her to death but it’s hard to be with her. Despite this, We are both very happy in our relationship. She makes me very happy and I love spending time with her. I’ve been cooking and cleaning for the both of us every day and doing my college work. It’s ok now, but in few months I’m starting my job in finance, and although the compensation is fantastic, i will likely work ~60-70 hours a week which is already considered low for my field. I need to work this job for my career objectives but also to provide for my fiancé financially, pay her medical bills, and have enough left over to live comfortably. + +I stress over not being home enough to support my fiancé emotionally. Her depressive episodes are severe as it is. Will she sink into further depression and isolation because I’ll be at work? What happens when I get home at on my 70 hour work weeks and I don’t have the energy to calm her anxiety at night? + +I stress over not being able to work the grueling hours needed to succeed in my position. If I do not, I can’t make our rent, pay her medical bills, buy food for us, and be a provider. + +I can’t actually tell her any of this either, it will absolutely devastate her to know that she is causing me so much mental stress. I know it will worsen her anxiety too. Maybe I will when she is in better mental health. + + +I’m not a picture of mental health either. I was an alcoholic at 14 and a smoker at 15. I was bullied and rejected up till I came to college and got my shit together somewhat. Luckily that’s behind me now…What if I’m to weak to function well in my job? Then I’ll get fired, we’ll get evicted, my fiancé will suffer greatly, and I’ll be jobless. + +I’ve got 3 more months of purgatory before I’m off to whatever circle of the inferno the rest of Wall Street is burning in… + +I feel like I’m having the crisis of a 30 year old at 22…",Things are about to be bad,0 +800,[https://psychology-vocabulary.com/glucocorticoid-cascade-hypothesis/](https://psychology-vocabulary.com/glucocorticoid-cascade-hypothesis/),Glucocorticoid Cascade Hypothesis,0 +801,"Here are 5 steps to handle emotional hijacking: + +1. Recognize the emotion (**Name it**) +2. Experience mindfulness (**Be aware of it**) +3. Breathe in before you respond (**Delay it**) +4. Change the environment that you are in (**Divert it**) +5. Perform a positive, uplifting task (**Conquer it**)",5 steps to handle emotional hijacking,0 +802,,I got stress before job interview what should I do?,0 +803,"Well, it started in December when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and that threw my life for a curve I did not see coming. I adapted really quickly and everyone tells me I’m “managing it so well,” but that doesn’t make me fee better or help me with my issues that I’m struggling with. This new disease has affected my performance in school royally. Attendance just hasn’t really been an option for me when I feel sick from my blood sugar or have technical difficulties with my monitor or insulin pump. I’ve also been having a lot of issues with my depression and anxiety. I’ve been getting suicidal thoughts because I’m in a place where I feel like I’ll never be able to get out, and I’ve started cutting myself, which is a habit I quit doing months ago. I can’t really turn to my friends because they’ve started treating me differently, much more distant, and when I ask about it, they just accuse me of being the distant one, but they constantly leave me behind, they don’t talk to me when we’re in groups, they’ll lie to me so that I won’t hang out with them… I just don’t feel like I’m the problem. Because of all of my health issues, I haven’t been able to do as well in school, which is stressing me out because I don’t want my gpa to plummet. I need the money from scholarships. What’s worse is that these classes that are probably going to cost me thousands of dollars in the long run, wouldn’t even be beneficial to me if I passed them with flying colors, because they aren’t for my major and they won’t even fill out a gen ed. I feel like I’m drowning under pointless work and I just want it all to be erased. I just want to be able to get the support I need for my new diabetes and for my depression and anxiety and harmful thoughts. I don’t want to feel like the only thing I can do about taking life’s pummeling is to just cry and feel like a failure. Does anyone have any advice?",College is too much,0 +804," + + +I (M20) have a crush on this girl at the drama club at the community college I go to. We met about a month ago. I did ask her if she wants to get some dinner sometime, but she said she isn’t looking for a relationship right now, but if it happens, it’s fine. (I told her that we’ll go as friends, but of course that was a lie). + +Today, we took down all of the sets from the show we did. A group of friends were talking to me and one of them said that I can ask her if she wants to go bowling. However, me and her don’t have any classes together, so I’m gonna have to ask her over text since I forgot to ask her earlier today. + +What should I do about this? This is actually the first crush I had where I actually feel comfortable with her. (Meaning, making good eye contact and all that).",Feeling pretty stressed about this,0 +805,"So for the past 2 weeks or so, I’ve been working long hours (12+) and coming in on the weekends to finish a project. Now I have people “helping” me on the project but they honestly didn’t help me enough to get this done in time. It’s due today and I still don’t know what we’re going to say to the project manager. I also have a meeting with my manager today and I need to let him know the work has really done a number on my mental and physical health. I mean I haven’t taken a lunch in about 3 weeks. I came in on the weekend and I don’t get paid for that because I’m salary. For the past week I’ve woken up feeling nauseous and my body aching. It’s just all too much and I feel I’m breaking. I need some advice on how to let my manager know all this without sounding like I’m whining, got any tips?",How do I convey to my manager I’m overwhelmed?,0 +806,"I'm in Senior High School. STEM strand. + +I'm just so stressed, most of the time. Even during weekends when I'm supposed to relax. I can't get rid of school work thoughts. + + It feels like weekends and holidays are useless. We still do work even in those days (F*cking research Papers). I don't think 1 full day of happiness is even possible at this point. I'm also kind of sad because I can't to do a thing that I love, which is to draw. And damn, I really love to draw, I really do. It's kind of a stress reliever, and once I finish an artwork, I feel really happy and proud. Too bad I always have little time to do it. And if I do have time, it's always after I'm sucked bone from Calculus and Research.","Schoolwork thoughts not going away. If not always, most of the time I am stressed",0 +807,"So I have a presentation coming up that I am stressing over a lot. I missed the couple presentation days and a few work blocks due to a severe migraine that had me in bed for a week. And due to this when I return to school tomorrow I will need to present, but I will also be the only one presenting and it will be right at the start of class. Now I get nervous for this kind of thing often but these conditions really make it worse. And it really doesn't help that I had to write most of it with a terrible migraine, because of that im worried i may have made a few mistakes. And I've tried searching for answers as to how I can get over this stress that makes me feel nausea but I can't find any answers. It's all like ""make sure to know your material"", and this is super unhelpful as I have a very good understanding of the topic. Does anyone have any good last minute stress relievers? Or perhaps a way to make myself less nervous and stressed for a presentation? Anything is greatly appreciated.",Dealing with stress regarding presenting in front of a group of people,0 +808,"Hello I’ve just joined this sub. I don’t know who to open up to rn so I decided to post here. + +I’m in college and school alone is stressful. Lately, I’ve been handing in my homework late; I’m an aunt/“mom” of four kids at home — their parents aren’t the best. I help and do most of the house work bcs I care for my niece/nephews (esp the youngest one). Idk but everything just became overwhelming for me today. (plus maybe because I have a cold rn). I love my family but I am tired. I also have other problems and I feel so silly that this is the reason why I am very stressed. + +Idk if I’m making any sense now but I hope you could give some advice or comfort… thanks a lot 🤍",Breaking down rn and feeling silly,0 +809,"It takes more to overwhelm some people than others, but the feeling and the impact are the same: overload and not knowing which way to turn next which triggers a downward spiral of anxiety. + +### Take these steps to create a plan and go from feeling overwhelmed to feeling peaceful again: + +**Identify what you can and can’t control.** List your issues in three columns: what you can control, what you can influence and what is out-with your control. + +**Focus on solutions.** Now that you have perspective on what you can and can’t control, identify your chosen end point for each issue. Shift your focus from the problems to the solutions. + +**Prioritise your actions.** Consider your chosen solutions in terms of how important they are and how urgent they are. Firstly, deal with the issues that are both important and urgent then move to the other important issues. As a general rule, deal with the important issues over the urgent issues: here-in lies the path to living sustainably crisis free. + +**Communicate.** With your plan in place, communicate with those who may be affected: it’s incredible how supportive people can be once they understand your situation. + +**Eat well.** Overwhelm commonly leads to skipping meals or over-reliance on junk food. Buy in some healthy foods and snacks to give you the nutrition you’ll need to play your best game. + +**Gratitude.** It is easy to lose sight of the good things happening when we feel overwhelmed. Adopt the habit of regularly reflecting on the things you’re grateful for: that you’re taking control of challenging situations, that you’re on your way to calmer times, that you’re learning a lot about yourself, perhaps that others are supporting you. + +**Blow off some steam.** Exercise – whatever works best for you: a brisk walk, hit the weights, an hour on the bike – has a magical ability to burn off that anxiety and re-set all those neurotransmitters. It will also help you get that good night’s sleep. + +**Get your rest.** Know that you’re focusing on your priorities with a clear plan. You’re pushing yourself hard through the day. A good night’s sleep is the smartest thing you can give yourself to keep working through your list. + +**Celebrate your successes.** Each step forward is worthy of celebration. Be proud of yourself for taking control and moving forward. Each success leads to further steps forward. + + + +**Overwhelm is a situation everyone is familiar with. Short term episodes are unlikely to harm us. Longer term however, it can be debilitating. Remember there is help out there for those times you need support in getting back on top of things.**",Feeling Overwhelmed?,0 +810,"TL/DR: I recently transitioned off anti-depressants and have started to get stomach pain again. + +After 17 years on anti-depressants, I finally transitioned off them. Buspirone and bupropion were a godsend, but I completely went numb. I couldn’t experience emotions at all. So I decided to see what life was like in the normal world again. I have historically carried my stress in my stomach. My brain doesn’t know I’m stressed, but my stomach will hurt like crazy. What techniques should I explore that can help me de-stress and relax so my stomach doesn’t ache? I work in a high stress job (corporate M&A) that I absolutely love, but it really piles on the stress. Any recommendations would be really appreciated. Thank you!",Looking for advice for stomach pain from stress,0 +811,How to do balance your school and working life? Are you working and attending school at this moment and how you balance it? Is it even possible to have a social life when you work and go to school?,"Balancing school, social life and work",0 +812," + +[https://youtu.be/ozePVL9L2AA](https://youtu.be/ozePVL9L2AA)","A step-by-step Therapeutic Art Activity to help you tap into your Inner Peace by using your creativity, your breath and the power of art materials...",0 +813,"i constantly feel on the verge of an anxiety attack and nothing seems to calm me down. my brother passed away in feb so our mother and i are struggling financially. we may not get the life insurance and that has me really anxious. + +i have mental conditions that prevent me from working but no one takes me seriously. i am going to visit my bf this summer and should be happy and excited, but instead i am stressed out that he has to pay for the entire trip himself and i am afraid his job won't pay much. + +i dunno how to get me and mom moved somewhere better. we rarely have transportation. i can fill out paperwork for housing but dunno how to go turn it in. my bf keeps trying to give plasma to make some extra money every month but every time he goes his temperature is too high. he will be 98.6 before he leaves then jump up to 100 by the time he gets there, then go back down when he gets home. thats stressing me out cause that money could help us move in together sooner. + +i just feel so much dread. like everything is going to go wrong and it started after my brother passed away. last night i sorta calmed down a bit but i still feal dread in the pit of my stomach and my chest feels like i am anxious. i have an anxiety disorder i am on medication for but its just not helping to calm me down. i've told my psychologist about it and don't remember if he suggested anything or not. i was kinda focused on finding out what else was wrong with me cause i suspect dpd. i dunno. i'm just rambling to get it all out.",constant stress and anxiety,0 +814,"It's been almost a year since I started working in my professor's chemistry lab. I've been tasked with synthesizing a compound and I keep making stupid mistakes. Since someone else in the lab needs this compound for their synthesis, my friend needs to make mine in addition to her own. The first two times my professor was fine with the mistakes and kinda expected it but it's been 5 times now and her patience is fleeting. I have been improving but this rate is way too slow. I can't remember the last time I've taken this long to get the hang of something. I'm gonna graduate with my bachelor's this summer and start graduate school soon so I feel like I can't afford to be making rookie mistakes at this stage. All of this has given me some imposter syndrome as I watch my peers execute their projects near flawlessly, especially while my family keeps calling to mention how proud they are of me. + +Just wanted to vent my frustrations. I'm an optimist by nature but consecutive failures keep proving my optimistic mindset incorrect.",Feeling like an anchor,0 +815,"Get these weird symptoms in the morning when I wake up until mid day ish. Regardless of how much sleep I’ve had. + +-Tension all over face (mostly in head, like a small tension headache, above eye, and in jaw) + +-Keep tensing jaw and grinding teeth together + +-Losing focus + +Any help would be appreciated.",Is this stress?,0 +816,"Hi! I’ve recently moved into a shared house with two room mates - people that I knew through other people. They’re really wonderful people, but I’m struggling with living with them. + +I get super overwhelmed and stressed out when my environment is messy, whether that’s clutter or dirty/grimey, so I try make the effort to take care of shared spaces so they don’t get to that point and stress me out. However I’m growing tired of doing all the chores (washing shared items like tea towels, hand towels, etc, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen (and just maintaining its cleanliness) and taking the bins out). + +Is it unreasonable to ask them to clean to a certain standard (nothing crazy but more than they’re doing now) if it is something that is clearly not bothering them? Or is it selfish to expect them to clean to my standards if it doesn’t bother them, and therefore should the responsibility fall on me? I have lots of sensory issues that overwhelm me, and hate bugs (we have flies and ants) if that context is useful! + +Would really appreciate any advice, and I’m keen to have a chore chat but don’t know how to ask.",Living with other people,0 +817,"I feel so shitty and stupid. I have to start studying history but it usually takes me way too long to finish a single chapter. Hours. And that's cause I get easily distracted by my thoughts or other outside factors anywhere I am. It happens anywhere and I don't know how to fix it. I can't concentrate, I read a sentence out loud but think I don't know it well of won't remember it well enough so I keep repeating it again and again and again and again and it takes way too long. Other study so fast and easily. Why am I so stupid? Why can't I concentrate??? Why the hell am I like that, why is everyone doing so much better than me??! I used to do so much well at the start why am I taking a turn for the worse??. In 2 months I'll be writing a huge national exam and I can't keep going like this",Why am I so stupid? why isn't this working out for me?,0 +818,"Idk what to do with it. I like the eventual job, but the hard learning or long time making homework sucks. I wanna be with friends and dont lose them. Didnt have the motivation for school and now im stressing about essays I need to make. I just dont want to redo them, because then in the next semester ill need to make them. Fuck my life, sometimes i just wish i could chill and do nothing.",Frick school,0 +819,https://youtu.be/bakiHRjON24,Stress Free Calming Music,0 +820,"God these past 2 months have been horrible, i used to be an high B student which I wasn’t really happy with now and all my grades have been dropping because I was sick for 2 weeks in the beginning of march, I don’t know what to do anymore and my thoughts have been going everywhere. I’m horrified for when my parents see my grades since they are strict when it comes to them. I haven’t gotten good sleep since I started this semester and I’ve contemplated about just leaving it all behind, at this point the only thing stopping me is how my family would react and what would happen to my cat. And now I’ve got Mcaps and AP tests coming up after next week and I’m honestly freaking out. What do I do? Because I think I’m almost at my limit with this crap",I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,0 +821,"Stress can be classified into three common categories: + +* Acute stress +* Episodic acute stress +* Chronic stress + +&#x200B; + +**Example of Acute stress and your body's endocannabinoid tone:** + +Acute stress is a short term physiological response to a situation that could be a challenge or threat. + +The sensation usually lasts for up to 30 minutes and the experience is usually linked to a one-off or infrequent occurrence. + +For example, acute stress could include your body's reaction to: + +* An approaching deadline +* Completing a challenge or receiving an award +* Narrowly avoiding being hit by a car +* Rising on a rollercoaster or fairground ride + +When your body responds to acute stress, it releases various hormones, including cortisol and epinephrine. + +Together cortisol and epinephrine prepare your body to respond to the danger by giving your muscles an immediate supply of glucose, narrowing blood vessels and increasing heart rate. + +Studies have found that endocannabinoid tone directly affects the level of cortisol and epinephrine and provides greater control over them during times of stress. + +For example, people with a naturally high endocannabinoid tone experience a smaller heart rate increase during a stress response than those with a lower tone. + +This is likely due to the endocannabinoids exerting a modulating influence over the release of hormones. + +This was verified in 1993 when research scientists found that people with a medium or naturally high endocannabinoid tone secreted less cortisol. + +This could indicate that people with a naturally high endocannabinoid have a less intense physiological response to acute stress. + +&#x200B; + +To find out more about the others types of stress and your body's endocannabinoid tone, please see [here](https://www.budandtender.com/blogs/bud-tender-blog/endocannabinoids-or-cbd-for-stress).",Stress and your body's endocannabinoid tone,0 +822,"**This survey is for a research project at Maryville University, examining psychological and cognitive differences that college students with/without head injuries are experiencing. It should take no more than 20 minutes to complete. Only requirement is that you are enrolled in college courses and 18 or older.** + +[https://maryville.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_3wJO1XarKHq4MpU](https://maryville.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3wJO1XarKHq4MpU)",[Academic Survey] Need participants for class survey - college students with and without head injuries/TBI,0 +823,"Hey. I've been here about my stress before, but for those who don't know. I'm a student in gymnasium (11th grade), and I got stress, motivation and depression issues. +Recently we've had a young-worker shortage, causing me to shift weekends. Before I had weekends with my favourite manager (let's call him Peter), and my favourite collegue, now I'm with a leader I hate (Let's call him Donald). He doesn't respect us, it's always our fault, so on so fourth. I've used this work as a productive outlet, where I can feel like I have a purpose, however it has still layed pressure on me. +I want to quit now, not because I don't want the money, but because I can't keep this up with stress, and with the new leader, I feel like it's going up in flames. +Problem is, I feel really guilty for it. Peter is the guy who has to deal with it, and we are currently lacking 5 workers, and the company is in need of me. But I just can't handle this, the new weekend was a breaking point for me. What should I do?",Might leave job and feeling guilty,0 +824,"So I've worked for my current employer since April 2015. I've took approx 4 days off in that period. + +I've received 6 separate promotions/changes to title over that period and managed various departments and big projects for the business. + +Throughout the pandemic, I was fortunately one of those that were not adversely affected and in fact the demand increased exponentially. During the pandemic I was promoted again and risked my physical health for the sake of our business delivering on KPI's. + +3 weeks ago, my dog died. Last week, I moved into my first mortgaged home. It just feels like so much is happening but I don't really know what to do? + +I've asked for a double demotion back to an operational role to relieve my workload and to allow myself time to mentally recover and hopefully over time I'll be ready to head back into a management role again, however I don't think my employer are rushing in anyway to find a replacement for me. + +Should I be loyal to them and keep being miserable until the organisation structure can be sorted out, or should I be putting myself first and taking time away for them to fix it in my absence?",Feeling guilty for wanting to take sick leave,0 +825,[https://youtu.be/w13gBq\_DgXk](https://youtu.be/w13gBq_DgXk),Bells for Stress Relief,0 +826,"Hi, I’m a 23 year old mom of 3. I have a step son, a daughter, and I’m currently pregnant. We’re expecting our daughter in 2 months and have been searching for a place to live for months, but there is quite literally nothing available. In my state, there is a severe housing shortage. Almost all apartments are full, and you can’t find a home without buying it, which we can’t afford right now even with a loan. +We’re currently living with my mother. How we got into this horrible living situation is a very long story. +Im so stressed out, and I can’t really talk to anyone about this in person. I don’t have many friends, maybe 1 or 2, and they have very busy, full, stressful lives of their own and I hate bringing my problems to others. My kids have every little thing they could ever need; beds, plenty of toys, food, and clothing, and they’re very happy. I on the other hand have been sleeping on a couch for the entirety of my pregnancy along with my partner. We’re currently on waiting lists apartments, but I’m so scared we won’t find anything before my daughter gets here. even when we do, we won’t have any furniture. Only my kids’ things, which is fantastic, but after having a baby, how am I going to rest or heal? What am I going to sleep on? I’m tired of feeling like we’ll be stuck here forever and like I failed my children. They don’t really have much of a concept of what’s going on because they’re toddlers, but I know what’s going on and that’s enough for me. Just hoping it all ends soon and everything gets better.",I’m at a loss.,0 +827,[https://youtu.be/u9vE6sD-k4U](https://youtu.be/u9vE6sD-k4U),Overhead Views for Stress Management,0 +828,"**This survey is for a research project at Maryville University, examining psychological and cognitive differences that college students with/without head injuries are experiencing. It should take no more than 20 minutes to complete. Only requirement is that you are enrolled in college courses and 18 or older.** + +[https://maryville.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_3wJO1XarKHq4MpU](https://maryville.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3wJO1XarKHq4MpU) + +&#x200B; + +Thank you in advance!! :)",[Academic] (NEED for class )Survey about mental health issues for college students with and without head injuries/TBI,0 +829,https://youtu.be/bakiHRjON24,Stress Relief Music,0 +830,https://youtu.be/wN8UiKP_Td0,Stress Relief Music,0 +831,"This week I missed my appointment with a doctor. I had it noted in my planner. On the same day but also the day before. and STILL I managed to forget and miss it. I know this happened because there are just so many things on my planner and in my head, that I can't keep track and get it all done anymore. + +But I don't have a job, I don't study, I don't workout, I don't do any unnecessary things, I'm only trying to survive and work on my health, and my daily life is STILL too much stress. If I was still in uni with all that homework, I would be dead rn. + +What stresses me out? No big things, but alot of small things, combined with my extremely low energy. For example"": I have alot of emotional stress because of my mental issues, being unhappy with my life, friendships not going well, gf broke up with me a year ago and still not over it. So that was emotional stress, now I'm also stressed out because I have so many things to get done while not having energy for it. For example making therapist appointments, doctors too, fixing my phone, changing my email on accounts, calling back the hospital, trying to fix my bedtime, all those TINY things that can't be avoided, they still stress me out, I only gave a few examples here but my days are full of many tiny tasks that I have to get done, but I dont have energy, motivation, I can't keep track of my shit. I forget about everything even if it was noted in my phone which I check multiple times a day. And if I dont forget im either too tired or not motivated to get shit done.",How do I stop losing track of all the things I have to do?,0 +832,"I had my first Calculus test today and due to feeling nervous, I accidentally copied a problem wrong which changed my answer completely. I did the steps right and I know for a fact that I could’ve gotten the right answer if I hadn’t misread the problem. That one problem was 15 points total and I’m scared I’ll lose 15 points just because the answer is different. I studied for 4 days straight prior to the test so I felt confident with my knowledge. I’m just so pissed at myself because I was really looking forward to a good grade in this class. I’m also stressed because I’m really trying to maintain my straight A’s so I can transfer to my dream university but it looks like my chances are dismal now :/",I copied down a problem wrong on a math test and got a completely different answer. Now I’m stressing,0 +833,[https://youtu.be/uIdwoy05vC0](https://youtu.be/uIdwoy05vC0),Sit Back and Relax! Managing stress. We all need a break!,0 +834,"Hey guys, it's a really hard time for me these days managing stress. So to start, I had a bad breakup around 2.5 years back. I loved the girl right from my teenage like when I was 16 years of age, she was my classmate. What hurt me the most was the way she broke up with me. She basically cheated on me and then put all the blame on me in addition to saying that I was invested in the relationship only to get physical with her. This all revolves in my head till date. Moreover I was in my 3rd year of Bachelor's degree and this breakup fucked up my scores +From a 9.3/10 GPA to 7.99. + + I started smoking a lot and drinking as well. It was last year that I realized I should do something meaningful with my life and decided to quit smoking and focused on gym. It's been almost an year since I've not smoked and have lost 22 kgs working out. + +I'm planning master's degree from Canada (I'm from India), but haven't been able to secure an admit yet. I'm assuming it is because of my low grades. I don't have a job. Having a 1 year gap already on resume is making me feel worthless. Every morning I wake up in the hope of getting that 1 email from Canadian Universities where I have been offered admission, but that day hasn't arrived yet and I'm still waiting. I have started to lose motivation and feeling like I'll relapse into the old me with all vices. I really don't know what to do!",A bad breakup and whole life looks fucked up now!,0 +835,[https://youtu.be/08DxIrm2b\_Y](https://youtu.be/08DxIrm2b_Y),"🔴 24/7 LIVE Beautiful Ocean Waves For Deep Sleep, Stress Relief, & Meditation 🌊",0 +836,"At 20 years old my father found grey hair from head. It runs in the family to grey earlier than most. Yet at the same time, I'm constantly stressed. The state is best described ready to go off at anytime. + +A little about my life currently, Recently after 2 years of working nights and coming home to try and study for college. I couldn't take it anymore, I quit a really good job at Amazon. Leaving me with a shitty options for jobs and my college put me on academic suspension. + +The working nights overall lead to me passing one class per semester with a 70(bare minimum). This was to me working full time hours yet doing full time online college. + +My father who I lived with, refused to work for this whole two year period. Compounding I couldn't stop or we could lose the house. Yet with me working full time I couldn't even get running water all the time.... + +I truly ask this, am I stressed?",grey at 20,0 +837,"The last two years have been incredibly stressful for me. I’m a frontline healthcare worker who was dealing with the horrors of the pandemic on a daily basis. I took it all in stride and never saw what was coming my way. + +Around mid Jan (about 10 weeks ago) I started getting waves of exhaustion at work out of no where. I’m talking the type of exhaustion where I was basically paralyzed and had to lay down. One time I laid down on the floor at work because I had no other choice. + +The next week, I started having random chest pains on top of the exhaustion. At one point I thought I was having a heart attack and almost when to the hospital. I went to the doctors thinking I was having cardiac issues but everything checked out. I felt better…for a day or two… + +Week 3 is when the real nightmare started. I started having intense anxiety (on top of the exhaustion). Multiple panic attacks a week. I couldn’t do anything without getting short of breath and my heart beating out of my chest. I was a complete mess at work and felt like I was going to collapse and die at any moment. Sometimes I was so physically stressed out I would go to the bathroom and lay on the bathroom floor. It was nuts. + +I called my doctor back and told him what was going on. I was reluctant to start meds but he talked me in to it. Said it doesn’t need to be forever and I can’t go on suffering like this. So I started a low dose SSRI. + +I also started therapy, took a week off from work and am doing much more self care. Like eating healthy and journaling. + +After about 6 weeks of hell, I’m feeling much better. I still have some anxiety here and there but for the most part, have returned to my baseline. I was convinced I’d never be the same again no matter what and I feel like it’s a miracle that I’m even functional now. + +Therapy has also been a huge help even though I was skeptical. It helped me understand that even though I felt blindsided by all of this, it really was building under the surface for a long time. + +Just wanted to say there is hope and don’t give up. I never thought that would happen to me and when it did, it was shocking. But things can get better!",Emerging for a nervous break down. There is hope.,0 +838,How do I get rid of stress hives on my neck shoulders and face. It isn't the kind where they last several days but like when I had a job interview or gave a speech they showed up in the middle and started disappearing a little after I was done. How do I make them not start in the first place?,stress hives,0 +839,,How to De-stress using Mudra's and a Special Meditation Technique.,0 +840,"Hello, I've been losing a lot of hair due to stress. +The more I lose the more stressed I become. +Are there any products out there to slow this down? +I'm a female if that changes anything +Thanks",Losing hair due to stress,0 +841,[https://youtu.be/xPqI1OrujhM](https://youtu.be/xPqI1OrujhM),Relaxing Mountain Views for Stress Management,0 +842,"I keep catching myself falling asleep while not focusing on it and get excited. And end up being able to sleep +How can I make myself stop thinking about this? +And stop stressing about it? +I tried the deep breathing technique and it didn’t work",I’m unable to sleep without focusing on my heart beats it’s making it hurt and stressed me out all night,0 +843,"I just got home and im angry again. I got angry violently angry a couple of times earlier today. I am much happier when i spend time away from home. Much happier. But when i come home its like storm clouds gather and sends me to a state that I need an escape from. I don't drink smoke or do any drugs and under the conditions it is a miracle. But I am tired of getting angry. I have little to no money. I can try to get an apartment but it will be tough. I am thinking of renting a motel until I get more money or airbnb. I just need space. Otherwise my hair will be grey. + +Also when i say angry, I never express it towards my mother. But her behavior pisses me off everyday and i have done nothing but treat her with the maximum level of respect and consideration. Instead of appreciating that and recognizing her behavior she instead chooses to exploit my empathy and bring stress drama and manipulation. I don't live for free at home. I pay in peace of mind. Every interaction is a peace of mind sacrifice. I was feeling happy and then she came to the car and brought drama. Now I need to recover and due to the constancy nature of this I need a punching bag. I am tired of having to be sadistically emotionally responsible. I want to let loose and be. I just need to courage to say enough is enough and just fucking leave. I felt tired before I arrived and in less than five minutes I am now on the verge of another bout of ranting in a quiet place, hitting shit, and not being able to sleep. Should I go and get a hotel tonight and hust say fuck this shit.",Im at my wits end,0 +844,,You matter,0 +845,"Anyone has tried this?: + +[http://devonmedicalproductsv3.com.s126296.gridserver.com/diagnostic-devices/irelax/](http://devonmedicalproductsv3.com.s126296.gridserver.com/diagnostic-devices/irelax/)",Experiences with iRelax?,0 +846,[https://youtu.be/DyAHZC-Qm5s](https://youtu.be/DyAHZC-Qm5s),Let the sunrise take it all away,0 +847,"Trees captured buring various seasons create a tranquil scenario. The melodic sounds create an atmosphere perfect for meditation, + +deep sleep, studying, stress management, anxiety relief. + +[https://youtu.be/C6M4RvTCvsA](https://youtu.be/C6M4RvTCvsA)",Solace in the Trees,0 +848,"There’s a job I used to work at. A friend put in a good word for me at the time, but they must’ve realized I wasn’t up to their standards. I applied there again for this summer and they don’t want me back. + +My thoughts and emotions are telling me to do something devious as like an act of revenge. I don’t want to feel this way, but don’t they deserve to know what it means to give me the “cold shoulder?” + +There’s so many things I want to say to them, post about them, make them regret they didn’t hire me back. How do I calm down?",There’s a job I used to work at…,0 +849,"First post here. New to the gang. Really in a cloudy space. Bombarded with nonsense. + +My mother and sister recently made fun of me for eating leftovers. I mean I waited until everybody got their share of food, and waited until the food had to be thrown away before I ate the scraps that were left over. How dare you hassle me over food, and stale left overs at that. So now I don’t eat! + +My sister clogs the shower with her hair and my mother asks me why the drain is clogged. She asked me what did I pour down the drain. Like who the fuck pours shit down the shower drain? Every time my sister clogs the shower my mother assumes I did it. So now I don’t shower! Haven’t showered in months! + +Recently my sister is cooking and spilled sauce and left meat all on the floor. My mother swore that it was me! She blamed me for days! She said that my sister wouldn’t/didn’t do that! It wasn’t until I showed her what was spilled was in the refrigerator still and was my sisters. So now I don’t even use the kitchen! + +So, I don’t eat my moms shitty food, use the kitchen, or use the bathroom because she mocks me, teases me, and blames me for stuff! + +My life used to be the shit. I was a million dollar ghostwriter on Bad Boy, Rocafella, Columbia and other labels. I did 5 years at a large university in NY, but I dropped out because my mom stole my tuition money my junior year + +I’m trying to be cool and not spaz out and go through another psychosis. I’m bored, I’m lonely, I’m dirty, I’m poor, impoverished and consequently suicidal. + +Like MTV Cribs, I just wanted to bring you along for a day in my life. Being a boy in a house full of grimy women. I had a 100% average my whole life and I turned out to be a bum. My mother couldn’t even raise me to be a man. I feel pathetic! I did good all by myself, but now that my mother has ruined and sabotaged me enough, so, I’m dead. + +Sorry for the harsh language. I hope everyone gets home safely! Any replies, recommendations, kind words, anything will be appreciated! And thanks again.",I have given up! I have lost all hope! My poor single parent has killed me!,0 +850,"Hi guys, + +I have been very stressed all my life in the morning but it goes to a point now I sometimes need to take a small benzo to cut out this unbearable stress that prevent me from having a normal life. + +I already did cortisol test and I’m in the range but near the top. + +I wanted to know what could cause this body stress while doing normal things like walking. It’s like my body react as this activity is a 100 meter sprint when I have this high stress levels. + +Thanks for your helps",Stressed out in the morning.,0 +851,"Relax with vivid waterfall images and calming music to help manage stress, study, + +meditate, falling asleep and relieve anxiety. + +[https://youtu.be/u-qL1ZigzE4](https://youtu.be/u-qL1ZigzE4)",Serene Waterfalls,0 +852," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/to8uku)",I can physically feel stress.,0 +853,"Relax with vivid images and calming music to help manage stress, study, + +meditate, falling asleep and relieve anxiety. + +[https://youtu.be/DyAHZC-Qm5s](https://youtu.be/DyAHZC-Qm5s)",Mental Restoration,0 +854,"I failed my driving exam 3 times, now going to try it for the 4 time. Before the first try I was nerveous but it wasn't bad, and ever sicne It's just horrible. I have the exam in 2 days, and already i have stomach problems, have to go to the toilet several times a day, my stomach hurts all day, barely can eat anything, even my lower back hurts and I'M moody, and I'm not even thinking about it most of the time.. Even my sleeping is messed up, waking up every 3 hours and have a hard tiem falling back. +I also have Acid Reflux which gets severely worse during these times.. And after the exam , or while I'm driving with my instructor the pain gets better and it's almost gone. Can anyone help me, or suggest me something for this? Like this is unbearable.. I failed 3 times already cause of stress and It hurts me a lot cause I drive very well, even my instructor praised me a lot and felt sorry for me after the failures..",Uncontrollable anxiety before exam,0 +855,"19 [F] I'm just so stressed out and I'm barely even 20 I literally have no job because the world is so fuckinv useless my bullshit deadbeat parents are gone out of my life not even just my parents the whole family is gone. I'm so sick of living, I'm tired of people flexing having jobs it's always sobbing dumbass adults with 30 year experience talking about ""well I got a job easily at 19"" LIKE STFU I hate it it's so annoying I can't get privacy anymore i can't make money I cant go to college because of fund, transportation and I'm an idiot because I'm some dumb kid with a learning disability I'm just SO DONE I was born for failure I cant even get an art career let alone a regular job WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!? Made a stupid resume, walked my happy ass to multiple jobs that are so called hiring, filled out so may job applications I just don't wanna be here anymore why am I even here?!? I'm losing my fucking mind to the point I'm writing a subreddit I don't get it why was I cured??? Had siblings with disabilities, drug addict parents, a family that allowed my parents to abuse me and my sisters ever day because ""oh I didnt know"" or ""oh I'm sorry they did that to you"" BUT YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT then I came out as an idiot with learning disabilities, mental illnesses like WHY?WHY WHY WHY?!?! I'm so stressed out its driving me crazy",I barely out of my teens,0 +856,"I graduated with a masters degree and joined my place of work exactly a year ago. This is the first job of my life and that made it little difficult for me to get a hang of the corporate life. +However, since I have a master's degree, the expectations were high. + +I made a lot of mistakes last year, one of which was that I didn't pursue good development work aggressively. Whenever a senior told me that they can not trust me with development work right now, I accepted it and hoped that they will see my efforts. +The concerns of my senior was that I won't be able to understand development task by myself and even if someone explained it to me, I won't complete it before deadline because of my lack of skills. + +And because of this, a perception has been created in everyone's mind that I miss deadlines and that I only complete basic tasks. + +Since start of 2022, I have been trying my best to change the perception. I am taking on more tasks as well as completing them on time. However, if I make a single mistake, the views of my senior and manager changes to me being undependable. + +I am being micromanaged because no one trusts me that I can complete the work on time. + +And that's not it. I have also been given a warning of being put on improvement required. + +I am very very stressed. I don't know how things have gone so wrong in just 1 year. I am trying very hard to prove myself, but all my efforts are going to waste. +Plus this stress is now affecting the quality of my work. + + +Please help me out",I am super stressed because my reputation at work has taken a huge hit and it's affecting my work,0 +857,"I could make a ridiculous amount of money if I stick it out a few more months at my work but I come home everyday in tears and throwing up because of how over worked I am should I: + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/tlhy7k)",Mental Health or Money,0 +858," +I am on the verge of quitting one of the highest paying jobs I believe I will ever see in my life. Comes with retirement, vacation, bonuses, annual raises, pension, the list goes on… not to mention the insurance is free.. yes. FREE! That means for a 2000 dollar medical bill, I might pay… 12 dollars. +Why do I want to throw it away? +Because from the moment I started working here I’ve been over worked. I come home exhausted and often times I’m throwing up. My weight has declined dramatically. My sleep is not a regular sleeping schedule as I signed up for 3am-9am but the time is always changing. 2:15 start time? Sure! Next day 4 am start time? Why the hell not?! +My physical and mental health was far better when I was working as a subcontractor. Highly considering going back. Any thoughts?",Do I quit a job with amazing benefits/retirement/vacation/pension?,0 +859,"Hey guys, ive got a story. + +Last november i quit my job to travel the world and build a company with my friend. this however was not to be as a few weeks in he decided to go do something else. now me not having an income but enough cash to sit on wanted to see if i could make an income myself! struggling for months and months and not getting anything of the ground, i had to return to my home country. now low on cash and struggling to see what i want to do with my life, stress starts ramping up quickly. so quick in fact that i find myself lifeless and unable to even work for 4 straight hours. + +My hopes of working and traveling at the same time have been crushed, and even the option of going back to my old job looks bleak since i would have to sign my life away for 6 years. + +how do you guys deal with this stress, i need to get out of my head and just start learning and working but i find myself so anxious that i cant even focus anymore, i play videogames and watch youtube just to keep my attention away from my current situation. + +quite the story eh, any tips or kicks under my ass would be appreciated. + +thanks so much, + +Sonny.",so much stress im unable to even think.,0 +860,This is a topic of debate with my partner. Is allowing yourself to experience the stress you feel equivalent to taking it out on someone else? Or is simply speaking in a stressed tone taking it out on someone? Just looking for a distinction.,What is the difference between vocalizing/expressing stress compared to taking it out on someone else?,0 +861,"Relaxation for meditation, deep sleep, and anxiety/stress relief. Hope this video brings light and health to your present situation. + +[https://youtu.be/H5PHmyZFswY](https://youtu.be/H5PHmyZFswY)",Release what's weighing you down...,0 +862,"I don’t feel like theres anything in particular that is causing my stress. Its just having to be alive. I hate waking up in the morning. +I swear its causing me health problems at this point. Im out of high school and I’ve never had trouble with school but its still happening. I think i live a fairly stress free life but im just stressed from being alive?? +Ive tried so many coping mechanisms and none of them seem to work unless im completely distracted and mindless but the second that stops it comes back. +Its gotten to the point where i wake up shaking from stress. Ive tried medications as well and one of them have worked. I always seem to get the side affects but never what im taking it for. Im tired of this shit.",Stress from just existing??,0 +863,"Relaxation for meditation, deep sleep, and anxiety/stress relief. Hope this video brings light and health to your present situation. + +[https://youtu.be/S8qS10Qh8OI](https://youtu.be/S8qS10Qh8OI)",Tranquil Island Relaxation,0 +864,"I think I may have burnout. This past semester, I’ve been juggling a lot more than I’m typically used too with 5 classes, a remote practicum and two additional jobs. I also have a horse I am responsible for and feel guilty I haven’t had the time to spend with him that he deserves (though he is well taken care of at a boarding facility). + +My practicum, in specific, has been a great deal of stress for me. Long story, but basically I was convinced to go into an area I have relatively little knowledge about and contrary to what I was told, discovered there was little to any support and structure. I’m a bit of a perfectionist so not knowing what to do has caused me great anxiety. Both my jobs can also be fast-paced and stressful, so I don’t get much of a break from the stress. In the past two months, my norm has been anxiety driven heart palpitations or absolute exhaustion. It has only gotten worse with time. + +I broke up with my bf in Jan due to having little time and besides him, all my friends have moved away. The only nearby support I really have is my parents. I love my mother, but she does not understand this kind of of mental burnout. I go to her because she has been a great sense of comfort over the years, but when I try and explain my burnout, she starts yelling and thinks I haven’t been working hard due to being in my room all day (misconception with remote learning, thinking computer = surfing the net) and otherwise being tired. Ultimately, this just makes me more stressed and the cycle continues. + +I really don’t know what to do at this point. I can’t afford counselling and last I checked, the university farmed their counselling services out so that they are nearly inaccessible now (though this may have changed with regulations relaxing, so I will look into it). Any other suggestions?",Burnout?,0 +865,"Relaxation for meditation, deep sleep, and anxiety/stress relief. + +\*5 min + +[https://youtu.be/8G66gKXf5w4](https://youtu.be/8G66gKXf5w4) + +Nature Sounds For Sleep, Relax, Focus, Work, Read, Heal, Stress Relief + +💚 Please adjust the audio volume to your taste",Soothing Relaxation by the Fireside,0 +866,"I dont have anyone +Im in love w someone and I cant talk to her +I dont have anyone to talk to",Hi,0 +867,"Symptoms: physically AND mentally exhausted, not able to work or study, brushing teeth is nearly impossible + +Cause: I had alot of stress from many things at the same time: friendships not going well (emotional stress), having to prevent friends from suicide (very exhausting), having way too much mandatory homework from university, depression(diagnosed) and more sources of stress + +In short I had to deal with much more things than I could. + +I ended up turning into a terrible lazy person who doesnt care about: homework, friends or anything in life. + +In January I already quit university. Sent them an email, goodbye! And now Im at my parents home 24/7. It helps to feel less stressed but my energy level is still so low that it hasnt really improved yet. I want to move on and do something but I know I don't have the energy for it. And there are still sources that give me stress, such as friendships going bad, friends being suicidal, my depression, things in life im unhappy about etc. So even though I have ""100% free time"" im still feeling stressed.","I think I have a huge burnout, help?",0 +868,https://youtu.be/YGVGueeWxQU,Stress Free Calming Music,0 +869,"Im going into university but they want grades i cannot achieve + +I have deadlines i cant breath from i am pushed and pushed to achieve them + +I am in debt a large amount to family members + +I encouraged family members to invest a lot into this crypto scheme and its all gone and i cant bring myself to tell them its gone + +My past is catching up to me again and i am faced with consequences again + +I am a degenerate with money and have 0 income looking for a job to pay off the debt but i am having no luck as i have no time atm because coursework + +My friend recently ended her life on a phone call to me and i havent had time to even begin to processed it so im blocking it out + +My family life is taking a tole + +My father is getting bad with alzheimers and starting to forget me + +My mental health is in a bipolar tornado spiral of shit + +Friends around me are not people i want to be around anymore but i would have no one if i ditched them so i am forced to continue these dead friendships + +.......... + + +Most days i push myself so hard and at the end i come home and scream to myself i just want to run away but cant. Any advice?",18 stressed to the breaking point,0 +870,"I can't post the link here, but they are in a guide of the Instagram-profile @maxi.plueck , in case someone's interested.",Recorded some free guided meditations :D,0 +871,So I'm an engineer for a factory and we are super busy. It is my job to start the production machines and keep them running everyday. I work 70 hours a week and I'm so tired. Everyday something goes wrong and work expects me to stay late all week. I already work 10 plus hours a day. I don't know what to do,very stressfull job,0 +872,"So ive been masturbating for a few years and i started saving videos/photos to my phone so its easier to get to. I always keep them in the hidden section of my phone. Last night I forgot to hide them and I woke up and found them in the recently deleted section and other app I think she went through. The latest notification was 2 hours before I woke up, so I was certain my phone was turned on. + +The photos themselves were just photos and videos of girls I thought were really attractive (they were over 18) and would use to get off to. + +Now since they are in the recently deleted tab, notifications were only 2 hours old (and I had notifications from before 2 hours ago but before I went to sleep), I had apps open which I never use, and my phone wasnt in the spot I last had it. + +So the title says “I think” because im just hoping it was me in my sleep and I was really tired, since some photos were perfectly fine and she hasnt said anything about it yet. + +So incase she actually saw the photos/videos, can someone give me some advice on things like what to say/ do when or if she brings it up?",I think my mom found the explicit photos on my phone and I feel like throwing up.,0 +873,"Like thousands of people in the last two years, I've had a lot of stress. Lost my father, a job, and a dog. Had a heavy load of family dysfunction. Moved cities and found the isolation of the pandemic really tough. Now I find I am in high stress mode all the time. I over-react. Small things irritate me. I feel exhausted. I took a four-day break a couple of weeks ago and it really helped, and I felt my more reasonable and patient self returning. But now the impatient, over-reactive mindset is back and dominating my life. My job is busy and demanding, but I've always managed in the past. Not sure if I am stressed or depressed. Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks.",I'm over-reacting all the time,0 +874,,Is stress worse than smoking?,0 +875,Im losing my fucking mind,AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,0 +876,"So much going on and I can't focus on any of it, my thoughts are all over the place, instantly to the worst possible place. Tried writing stuff down, thinking logically but nothing is helping, lost interest and drive, feels like I've given up, finding myself just crying because I can't cope with it all. + +Any advice would be greatly appreciated",I feel like I'm losing the plot,0 +877,"So in November 2021 I was with one of my friends at the elementary school near my house. We were messing around and we saw that this person's backyard was connected to a piece of the woods near the school. We saw that she had a stack of rocks. I had the idea when I was with one of my other friends to knock them over but I didn't. This time we did. I can't remember if I did it or him, but I remember seeing the rocks collapse onto the ground. We ran and I didn't think much of it. I assumed they would pick it up and move on. It is now March. We had an assignment where we had to Photoshop a stack of rocks in one of my classes today. I sit near one of my friends that lives near me and knows everyone in the neighborhood and the general area. He said that they put those rocks up in honor of their dead father. I feel terrible. Its not like I would do something like that now and it feels like I played a part in a traumatic experience in their life. I didn't see it they put it back up since then but it is really bothering me. I wanted to tell my parents but I just can't. Please help.",I am very stressed. someone help.,0 +878,,"I live in New York and in June I take a regents exam, this year it’s geometry which I totally suck at and I can’t stop freaking out about it. It’s so complicated and I just can’t understand it at all, please help me.",0 +879,"This video is to help anyone who is having trouble with distractions while trying to alleviate stress for sleep. Rain has always been a great remedy for both. + +\*5 mins\* + +[https://youtu.be/uYVk5gETwiI](https://youtu.be/uYVk5gETwiI)","Nature Sounds For Sleep, Relax, Focus, Work, Read, Heal, Stress Relief",0 +880,"The book is available [Here](https://thewellnesssociety.org/free-coronavirus-anxiety-workbook/) from The Wellness Society. Everyone right now needs a little extra help and hopefully, this e-book can assist some of you in uncovering the toolset you need during this abnormal time, or at least it might help with bridging the gap between now and when you may be able to seek more professional assistance. Obviously, it's not a solution to all problems, and some of you are going to be going through a lot more than others, but I hope many of you can find it useful. +Stay safe, stay healthy.","Free Covid-19 Anxiety e-Workbook. Please, take care of yourselves and of each other. See text for link.",0 +881,"Time and Stress Management - Free online course + +Time management and stress management are two key components to succeeding in life. Creating a system to identify, evaluate, and eliminate distractors and stressors will lead to a more productive and efficient life, inside and outside of work. In this course, you will learn how to earn more time and be less stressed. + +[https://formationgratuite.net/Time-and-Stress-Management/](https://formationgratuite.net/Time-and-Stress-Management/)",Time and Stress Management - Free online course,0 +882,,What to use when you are stressing a lot Maybe some vitamins or minerals?,0 +883,"I have been in a relationship for the past few months and for the first 3 of the months things have been good. This month as been very stressful between work and school and my mental health have just been deteriorating, and because of that I’ve been more easily irritated. I get into arguments now with my gf everyday about the most mundane things. I am mostly at fault since I’m the one starting them, I’ve just felt like nothing has been enough or certain things she doe’s irritates me. I don’t blame her for anything, she has been the best partner ever and has been very supportive. I just can’t get a hold of my temper and I’m scared it’s gonna drive us apart. I don’t want to be angry I just want to love her and not make her be sad.",Stress is ruining my relationship,0 +884,"Hello I'm currently in my third year of university. Since the start I have been very stressed and at times had bad thoughts come into my head. I tried to talk to my parents about switching programs or go to university with less expectations (The University I'm going to is known to be brutal to their students). Sadly that didn't work which I understand from my parents side if I get through it then it will pay off. The next two years for me is just going to be quite scary as I'll be doing a Full Time course load in the Fall, Spring and Summer for two years straight. Just ranting I guess and some sort of motivation would be nice honestly. + +School for me has always been a stressful topic and has never changed even in high school I'd say I've always been so anxious or stressed about the topic. Though what I can say is that once I do the two years at least I am out and finish my degree and I can move on from the idea of school. Just ranting at this point as this topic has definitely affected me a lot through out the years but this week it has affected me more than ever but I am now coming into terms that with the two year plan I got going it's not going to be that bad forever.",University Degree Stress,0 +885,"I really wish anyone can help me or i just wanna know if anyone is experiencing the same things i am because i havent found anyone who has. Im getting headaches/migraines every single day. Its been around 2 months now, this isnt the first time this has happened to me it happened 2 years ago same thing. I had migraines every single day non stop for like a year straight, to the point where i couldnt even eat and developed photophobia and couldtn even turn on my room lights or anything. So it eventually went away after a couple months but im back in here again. Doctors tell me that its stress/anxiety but it just doesnt make sense to me as to why it gets this bad to the point where i cant even get up from my bed or be awake for long hours before feeling pain, no one gets it this bad for this long, 7+ months NON Stop??? So it started around November with panic attacks and anxiety, usually something triggers my anxiety and i can control it, but no not this time it happens even when im happy out of nowhere i just feel bad all the time and super weak, then it progressed to me feeling okay in the morning and bad at night, i always knew id feel bad at night so i would do my daily duties during the day. Then it progressed even more to where i started getting my migraines/headaches every day and the light started triggering them. And now end of march im back in my room again lights off, headaches everyday, cant go out cant do anything, i can barely even be on my phone, lights all the way down and blue light off. I did notice though that it starts in my neck and shoulders and where my arms start on my back. I massage myself everyday, i try to take medications but they all give me extreme side effects even tylenol. I know itll be a few months before i get better, but i wish i knew more people that have gone thru this, i even tried magnesium gummies and got side effects from those as well. Ive been doing so well with my anxiety and i try to feel okay and get distracted but the pain never ever ever goes away just gets worse and calms down, please someone help!",Chronic stress help,0 +886,"I thought I had it under control, then I had a surgery and was put into surgical menopause, then well. Title says the rest. + +I'm on short term disability leave, I got put on another team in a lower role for when I return to work, but i can't let this happen again. + +My triggers Ive found are repeating myself, getting ignored completely, ""have time for a quick call?"", and having to do other people's jobs for them. Now this all being said, none of that should have been happening anyway because all that is supposed to go to my TOM, not me. + +They're letting me back in little by little to avoid another nervous breakdown next week, but I'm already feeling the stress. + +I can't take long walks yet, can't do light cleaning, no baths for 8 more weeks, can't do really anything physical (surgery restrictions), so I need some ideas how to cope. Or ideas on reasonable boundaries I can set. + +Thanks!",Acute stress disorder,0 +887,,is breast tenderness a symptom of stress?,0 +888," I'm a software developer and work long hours sometimes. When I get a complex problem to solve I'm getting nervous and eventually had tension headaches lasting for the entire day. At this stage, I cannot solve a simple problem even 1 + 1. My entire head is overtaken by the pressure and there is no space for other thoughts. Antidepressants provide some relief but destroy my sexual life. This is a horrible way to live so I'm thinking to start a coffee shop and resign from IT. I really love IT and programming but my biochemistry just doesn't want me to be in there.",IT and anxiety,0 +889,,What are some things that help you destress?,0 +890,"Stressed. Concerned how I’ll manage to study living on someone’s couch. I want my own place, I miss having a bed and being able to actually rest.. not wake up because you literally sleep in someone’s living room and they have more then 3+ people a day there. I can’t sleep proper. I can’t get money due to closing my Shopify store, i dont get paid from school until July. I just really am in need of peace and food. Ughh","College soon, no money, not even a bed to sleep on.",0 +891,"Guys Im going through my second month of in intern in a legal department, low-key I feel like a failure as I keep doing mistakes which actually feel I'm gonna get fired. Because I feel like I'm pissing off my mentors just by doing mistakes which of course was not intentional, it's just idk man, I've being stressing alot as its my first job and I am scared about pissing my mentors off mainly because I know I'm low-key dumb at the same time :')",Intern,0 +892,At this point I'm not sure if I'm getting sick or if the stress is taking a toll on my body. I've been getting muscle aches every once in awhile over the last 2wks and my body feels so stiff. I've mostly been using tik tok to distract me but it doesn't help with the stress,I'm at max stress levels,0 +893,I’ve noticed recently people around me often have to tell me I’m stressed. I’m reminded that my environment at home is extremely stressful & I have pretty bad anxiety. For some reason I don’t really think I feel stressed but my body weight will fluctuate & my habits are irregular. I feel light headed randomly & my jaw will feel tight. How do you recognize & manage stress better?,Does anyone experience stress…passively?,0 +894,"I am in my mid 30s and have just been given the chance to do an extra year and a half of study in a different University. The degree that I have was more theory based and I really need hands on experience to be employable in my field, which I now have the opportunity to do alongside guaranteed internships and portfolio work. + +My stress levels are currently through the roof about this, as I am worried that I won't be able to match the calibre of current high school leavers, who, even though treated as adults at University, still seem to have that high school mentality. My main issue is, even though not permanent, the dorm style accommodation and the fact that an ""old"" person is living with basically a teenager, although I did apply for a single room with a shared bathroom, so maybe not so bad. + +Usually I wouldn't have a problem with this, but already having experienced this with not much success, I am now stressing immensely. I'm not there to be anybody's friend, but the way I have been treated in the past, just for being a little older has been disgusting. There is not much available accommodation at all in the country, so looking for anything else is currently out. + +Honestly, I think I'm just stressing because I'm over 30 and feel like I still don't have my life in order, with another future gap in my resume. + +Please tell me I'm going to be ok.....",Stressing about Studying,0 +895,"I learned not too long ago that you may be stressed even when you don’t feel stressed. I feel like stress is a constant for me. I can’t relax without feeling lazy/antsy and can’t work without feeling fatigued/overworked. + +I don’t know how to decompress when there’s always some work that can be done (homework, chores, etc.) and deadlines approaching.",How do you manage your stress even when you can’t tell if you’re stressed or not?,0 +896,"Can stress make you feel as if your bladder is not completely empty? Been more stressed than usual the last few days and I've suddenly had this sensation. It's happened before but it worries me every time and I can't remember if it's usually connected to more stressful moments. + +Is there any connections between the two or should I worry it could be something else?",Stress and bladder,0 +897,"Can someone provide me with any tips on how to get yourself motivated (to workout, to do your work, to clean at home more often etc). I feel like stress is really demotivating for me, and I am looking to turn this cycle of stress and demotivation around.",Stress & Motivation,0 +898,"One is called In the Light of a Thousand Sunsets and you can find it here https://open.spotify.com/album/25u0tLxx6GOEzJlFB6x6Wy (for other music services check this link https://album.link/i/1676357174) + +The other one is called A Waltz For Lilly - https://open.spotify.com/album/5uppYYROsBMyF6yvtWGctW or https://album.link/i/1569647140",A couple of piano albums that I listen to when I need to calm down,0 +899,"I wonder.. is it my stress, time management, or myself as a person in general that is blocking myself from doing the best I can? Or is it my anxiety and overthinking getting to me? + +I am a F14 in my freshman year of high school, currently going through a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions. I'm trying really hard managing between piano, soccer, and my grades with school. I love everything equally, (well maybe except school..), but in the end, my grades are my priority over piano or soccer. I know that piano and soccer may benefit me throughout high school, but grades are more important. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on neither one. + +But here I am with a B- (84.5) in my history class, and I need to get it to an A- (90.1) by the end of my school final which is in about 2 months. Well I'll need an A- at least, so I could take AP Euro in my sophomore year, and it's only available in my sophomore year as well. AP Euro is definitely not a necessity for my next year in high school, but it'll benefit me a lot, and as my school is very tough and competitive, I want to achieve my goal and do it. My teacher is crazy strict, being 87 years old, he has his more ""older-fashioned"" and more ""understandable"" ways of grading. So I stress trying to fit into his perfect standards, but at the end of the day, I keep telling myself. In the future, there will always be people that will be wanting a perfect requirement that fits them. I will need to be able to be adjusting to those specific requirements, for the future, to benefit myself and my ideal career future and more. + +I've never gotten a B, or a grade range in the B section (B-, B, or B+) throughout middle school and my first semester of high school until now. Is it the stress that's piling on me after all these hard schoolwork I'm not managing well or enough with my time that I have? My sleep schedule is actually horrid, I usually sleep at 2-4AM waking up at 6AM, with soccer practice 3-4 times a week (usually I skip at least 1 day a week since it's a little too much), and 2 lessons of piano a week. Also including the clubs I've decided to join, Mock Trials, which is now coming to an end with competitions. Volunteering, which I guess I could choose which days to help out.. but.. The homework. The load at my school is actually crazy, about 2-3 assignments new each period, which is every day, so in a week total about 30-40 assignments, which is quite a buttload. It's due either the following days, or sometimes, a miracle as it is it'll be due next week. But then again, there's at least 1-2 tests a week, which I need to study a lot for. Oh of course, there's also the projects and essays, let's add about 1 for every other week. + +Should I take a break from piano or soccer, and put my grades at my priority instead? I think I can be able to take my grade, 84.5% up to a 90.1% at least, which is \~6% of a percentage raise that I'll need to be okay. Telling my friends this, all I get in response is the same, ""It'll be okay."" All I wish these days is someone to tell me more than ""it'll be okay"". I'm still new to the environment of high school, and figuring out what fits for me, and what doesn't fit for me. Encouragement, something I haven't heard in awhile, is what I hope boosts me. Thanks for reading this far. + +TLDR ; Not having the most decent grade in history class (84.5%), wanting to take AP Euro next year for my class, I need at least a 90.1% for my requirement to join the class. Struggling with the management of piano and soccer as well for my extracurricular activities, as well as school clubs, should I take a break from something? I need to put my grades before other stuff, including the fact to not freak out with studying and use time well. Also wish someone could tell me, I'm able to do it, and they have confidence in me. Thanks again.",Am I choosing the right mindeset?,0 +900,"Hi! +I just finished my second term today. I got my marks — great, btw. But the school stress has impacted me so badly that even now, when I’ve gone into end of the term break, I feel like there is something to be done. There are no homework assignments, no projects, nothing to be done, but still. It got to the point where I stress about non-school stuff — whether I showered or not, ate or not, read today or not; and sometimes, just stress, about literally nothing. +Maybe I’m writing this for validation, but I don’t think that’s what I need the most. Can someone help me control this damn situation.",School stress is getting worse,0 +901,"Hello! + +I am a graduate student researcher from the **University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS)** studying the helpfulness of a **4-week** **online** **mindfulness** treatment for **depression, anxiety, and stress** in adults aged 18 years and older for my master's thesis. Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be entered to win a **$25 Amazon gift card**. **Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.** + +**All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs!** + +**\*NOTE**: Due to the nature of this study, I cannot post the survey links directly to Reddit. Surveys will be sent via the email below. + +In order to participate you must: + +* Be **18-30 or 50+** years of age +* Have access to the Internet and email +* Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory +* Not have prior experience with mindfulness/meditation +* Not currently be receiving therapy + +**If you would like to participate or have any questions, please email Payton Downey at** [**pdowney@uccs.edu**](mailto:pdowney@uccs.edu)**.** + +**If you don't believe you qualify to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.** + +Thank you and have a wonderful day!","[Repost] The Effectiveness of a 4-Week Online Mindfulness Program for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress",0 +902,"My dissertation is due in 2 weeks and lately I've had nausea all day, it's surely stress related? Any management tips? Thanks",Nausea,0 +903,"Guys I really need your help. I don't know when it started but here it is. When I am in college studying and having fun with friends, its great. I am even quiet popular in group. But when I leave from there I don't know but I just stress a lot. I do have situation where my talk is cut off, in a normal way as everyone else's does. but I cant get over it. + +And other things which I don't even know make me stress. and then I start overthinking and cant do nothing. i might start to bit nails, scratching skin during the stress. + +After like an hour or two are passed, i am normal and very productive and enjoy it. + +Please I need help.",Stress after coming home,0 +904,"Hi all. I've been dealing with neck/shoulder tension for years. I am a software developer with likely bad posture - for over 10 years. Lately I'm quite stressed as well. All in all I'm in a constant state of neck/shoulder tension. + +&#x200B; + +I've tried so many things but nothing ""releases"" it. I have one of those shoulder massagers from Amazon - it actually feels quite good especially when it rolls up my neck - but I feel like I can do it **forever** and there is just infinite tension there - shouldn't it ""stop"" at some point? I've seen some threads on here but looking to make my own I guess. + +&#x200B; + +Things I tried: + +* PT +* Chiro +* Neck/Shoulder Massager +* Stretches +* Heat pads (these actually help a little but I don't think I should be walking around every day with heat pads..maybe I can?) +* Magnesium Oil +* Like 6 different pillows - none of them result in me waking up without a stiff neck. Down pillows, thin, thick, memory foam, nothing! +* Foam roller +* Theracane/tennis balls + +Has anyone found anything that actually works, and fast?",Neck Tension,0 +905,"I noticed that everytime i am in a daylong stressfull Situation or get the overwhelmed feeling i react with thr same body symptoms. Worst factor is the massive left ear pain (not able to even touch it). +Most times it seems to start (and stay at) pulsatile tinnitus like effects. If i lay my head to the left side or on a pillow, i hear my pulse as swishing dumb sounds making me irritated extremly. +But as other sympathetic system symptoms add up, like fast breathing, fatigue from overwhelmed feeling,appetite loss and obviously higher bp, i get massive pain at left ear. + +I tried several treatments to get to know what that could be, antihistamines, nsaids, decreasing glutamate... Thinking it must be a combines inflammation/glutamate/adrenaline thing. + +Could anyone explain it and give me some recommendations? I suffer for years now and cant solve that.",Massive left ear pain in stressfull overwhelming situations?,0 +906,"Hi everybody! I'm a Honours students studying Psychology at the University of the Sunshine Coast, Australia. + +This little study (less than 30 minutes) is part of my Thesis, and your participation will help me understand more about gamification and motivating people to exercise more in online mindfulness programs which in turn reduces stress and anxiety. + +Thanks for your time! + +[https://research.sc/participant/login/dynamic/6282B8CA-8646-4CAD-A5A3-C716E7BC19D8](https://research.sc/participant/login/dynamic/6282B8CA-8646-4CAD-A5A3-C716E7BC19D8)",Reducing stress via gamified online controlled breathing exercise,0 +907,Does breathing exercises help you to reduce your stress?,Reduce Your Stress,0 +908,"Is anxiety caused by stress? +Like for example, stressful job is route cause of anxiety - if I changed jobs will my anxiety likely go away??",Is anxiety caused by stress?,0 +909,,My parents are getting divorced,0 +910,"I'm 28. Had 6 dates in my life. Never had sex before. Had 1 bad acquaintance that I needed therapy to deal with. + +I don't hate women. I don't think everything is pointless. I chat with coworkers, but I don't have a lot of friends. Ladies seem to think I'm a nice person and funny. I don't have much trouble shamelessly asking someone out. I've long thought I have enough hobbies and interests and goals to keep myself mentally stable and preoccupied. Doesn't stop everyone from saying I'm a sweet guy who just needs to be more confident, less sensitive, and wait for the right person. + +I get flustered when I meet someone flirty or shameless, but I play it off with self-deprecation and wit. + +I had a date with a coworker who was coming onto me frequently (poking me, prodding me, talking about bodily functions, giving me looks and signs and thank yous, took my phone number, called me, wishes me morning, acts like she's out of breath around me, talks about and asks me sexual questions, talks about her dating history, etc). + +She wanted to go to a Barne's and Noble's. I was 10 minutes late due to traffic and she'd shown up an hour early to give herself a headstart. + +She stood next to me, I comically volunteered to be pack mule, and we sat and read books for a while, talking in-between. She made a spa appointment at 4pm. I asked her what she wanted - 1) friendship, 2) casual sex, 3) a relationship. I wasn't good for 2 (no confidence). + +She described to me frequently about how much her previous relationships messed her up, we talked indirectly our thoughts about romance and such. + +Her answer was 1 and she said she didn't know what the future hold. + +We left and I went to a Chic-filet she'd informed me was there. Then I drove home rather than wait the hour for her appointment to finish, said I had fun, and drove home listening to Drowning Pool and Foo Fighters. + +I got home, played a video game, laid down, and fought back tears feeling every insecure and negative thought I've had about myself. This date was something I wanted and it felt like I came away with less than I started with. She said she'd text me later and didn't get around to it until much later, and even though it was a short time I felt myself getting lonelier and madder because we just weren't having the initial flirty back and forth we did before the date. + +I turned my phone off. + +Everyone is going to tell me ""there's a million fish"" and she even said ""some people just don't vibe"" but the messages are just so unclear to me right now. This isn't too long after I broke up with someone who I felt like I did vibe with. + +I just can't see myself continuing to give this much energy toward meeting someone new another 5-00 times like everybody else. I'm a sensitive person. I feel drained and hateful of everyone that dating comes so easily to even though I know that's wrong. I'm so mad we didn't click its embarassing, and I know it's not her fault. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't feel like exercising or doing anything positive. I just want to be angry. + +I guess I walked in expecting she'd throw herself at me, and I'd have the chance to be a gentleman and be like ""hey I like you, but I want to get to know you"" and she'd be like ""ah he's not just a desperate fuck, he has character."" And well that didn't happen. Instead I feel like I got read and told politely I wasn't what someone was looking for. And any attempt at friendship on my end will be a desperate act. + +I could be entirely wrong. + +I would have liked if we'd hugged at the end or made additional plans. She agreed to doing something in the near future but I didn't get any excitement out of it. Optimistically I want to say we could probably be friends. Cynically I think she's not going to reach out and I spent an hour each way driving, took a day off of work for what I wanted to be a great date - I did all of that for nothing. + +Of the 3 actual dates I've gone on after many years of rejection and indifference - the first didn't know how to tell me she wasn't interested and ghosted me for weeks, the second said sweet things about me but said she wasn't ready and was still healing from a previous relationship and said I need to be with someone who can do 50-50 in the relationship, and now this, where I felt someone coming onto me and tried to match it, and realizing at the end that I walked away in a toxic cloud of mental fog. + +I hate dating. So much. And I hate the way my brain and my emotions work. So much.",I'm mad and sulking over a single bad date.,0 +911,"so for context ive had an abusive dad growing up, and everyday living with him changed me. i feared getting yelled at for doing kid things, getting suffocated because i was crying. thinking about that now makes me mad of what i have to go through, but now i put that behind me. recently i’ve been stressed because of my bf and that internal problem just led up to more things, such as my purpose in life, who i want to be, and just self doubt. i feel like i’m not surrounding myself with the right people because i think they’re taking advantage of me, and are extremely careless to me. besides people, i’ve been feeling numb to the world. i feel like a robot and other peoples true self are showing a lot more. it feels like i’m high except.. i’m not high. the smaller things in my head stands out more like the noise outside my window. i’m usually not concentrated on that, but my brain picks it up more easily like i’m more aware of these things happening. my surroundings feels a lot different from usual. but i know myself when i’m completely normal versus when i’m out of it. there’s some people from reddit that told me i had an experience of depersonalization. i smoked before to get rid of some stress, and smoking mildly i know will not make me feel this way. the stress is overwhelming me and i feel trapped. but right now i had a vivid nightmare and it’s about the people in my real life. it affects me more and it’s the first time i’ve experience an actual nightmare. i usually don’t remember my dreams and i move past it, but this time it gave me a lot of stress, i remember the whole plot and context, the whole energy of it, and it’s scaring me. + +my feelings overall and what i’m experiencing, +-not in my body +-high but i didn’t smoke (outside of my body) +-stress throughout the day and night +-restless and pressure against my chest +-no appetite (i’ve been eating a small meal once a day now.. it’s barely anything) +-insomnia (which 2 weeks ago, everything was normal) +-paranoia +-a bunch of thoughts on my mind (usually negative) +-no meaning in life and sadness. like an empty or sort of numb feeling +-realization that’s talking or texting feels a lot different, it wasn’t the same normal feeling from before, it felt +like i changed in way that isn’t permanent.. i hope) +-nightmare (which kind of made me realize that there’s something i’m going through that isn’t normal at all, i’ve been through some shit but i’ve never had an actualt nightmare with a plot and this intense before, it lasted about an hour until i woke up) +-my period is late, and for the past 4 months of tracking it, it hasn’t been late before. + +i want to stop feeling this way and to not overthink as much. what do i do?",nonstop anxiety throughout the whole day. now i have a nightmare which was never this intense and emotional. i’m feeling that my lens of the world disappeared and my old self is not here anymore. why do i experience these things?,0 +912,"It feels like I'm going to pass out I know I won't but that's how bad it is some days. I'm trying to actively work on my financial situation which is causing me the most stress however I don't know what to do to get a second job cause most demand open availability but won't give you a lot of hours... + +It doesn't really help that I drink alcohol on my time off a couple days a week and come to work hungover twice in the past month to make the job easier. + +I mean seeing a therapist would be beneficial but I don't have health insurance for a few more weeks at least and it would worsen my financial situation. I'm looking into seeing if I can use one of my boyfriend's free counseling sessions he gets from his job cause I doubt he will use them (unless he needs them but it seems like right now he's doing fine and I'm an anxious wreck). I feel like I'm just not fully present and my mind is foggy more than half the time. Chronically tired no matter the amount of sleep I get. I take multivitamins and eat fairly healthy but I'm mostly on the go not really the type of person who enjoys big ass crowds but seems like I keep finding myself in them. I'm very close to having a public mental breakdown.",headaches... and severe anxiety,0 +913,,Stressful Relationship,0 +914,"Quick brief : 25F first born daughter, ideally most responsible in family. Over achiever in school and life as general. Grew up in a high overstimulating environment. Always planning ahead + + +Current : I’ve always been great have blocking out my stress or simply over working through my stress but it seems has if my mind has ran out of storage space and my stress is showing up in physical ( weight loss, withdrawn , isolation , lack of motive , hopeless ness )….. once again the over achiever in me is trying to over ride that with exercising / yoga, prayer, new goals and hobbies….. ( more stress for my schedule because I have to maintain knowing I’m stressed out already ). + + +Emotional well-being : lost two family members back to back and ended a few friendships so I feel uncertain about life, trying to adapt to change and feeling unsafe and insecure + + +Symptoms : 2020 physical panic attacks +Late 2020 -2021 burst into hives +2022 physical stomach pain thought I had an ulcer . Stomach burning real bad when stressed ( endoscopy procedure was done i believe ) +2023 itchy neck face palms stomach …. Entire body + +Medication : benerdyl , hydro poxmate ( can’t spell and too overwhelmed to look it’s an anxiety allergy med for hives ) + +I’m in therapy slowly helping but I need advice on someone whose actually expended and over came “ calm down “ is not enough. I’d like to get this under control for a bet te r future",My stress is out of control,0 +915,I’m at a point where any little annoyance causes stress. And afterwards my body just becomes hot and I get sweaty.,I don’t understand.,0 +916,"I've been planning my wedding that is happening in May of this year. + +I got engaged a few months ago in January, and at first I felt fine with taking on everything but now it's starting to get into my head and I feel overwhelmed everyday. + +My days consist of me working, wedding planning, and sleeping. Most of the time if i'm doing something other than that, I'm thinking of my wedding anyways. If I go shopping there's always something that will catch my eye and remind me of what I need to do or purchase for the big day. + +Not only that, but my partner is in another country (LDR) and he can only do so much to help me with it all besides pay for things here and there. I live on my own while my partner lives at home (he's never been on his own before) and i'm struggling to pay for small things like a DJ or even cake. + +I've tried talking to him about wedding stuff and he tends to get overwhelmed or be distracted with other things he's doing like gaming etc. Last night, I was talking to him about décor options we had and I showed him our ceremony space. It's on a terrace/large outdoor patio at this nice hotel in my city. I went personally to view the venue a week after we got engaged, sent him videos and photos, and he loved it too! Now when i showed him the photos last night he made a few ""not so happy"" faces and I almost started crying right there from the stress of it all. He kept saying ""I guess it'll have to do.."" and things like that. Felt like I screwed it up so bad. + +I feel like a failure, that I picked a bad venue...and to top it all off I have a few people in my bridal party who are being really catty towards me now. They keep shitting on me for having ""bad communication"" even though I'm trying my best and have everything on MY shoulders. They haven't offered to do anything specific but constantly say ""I want to help in any way I can! Let me know what to do!"" and I have no clue what to ask them. Also, a bridesmaid of mine really dislikes my MOH and tries to make me feel like she's not doing ""enough"" and says she feels she's unsupportive. + +I didn't even want a big wedding at a hotel. I originally imagined a wedding where I am married at a nice park, have dinner at a nice restaurant and then go to a pub for a beer after to celebrate. + +The only reason it became a big wedding is because of my in laws and my family coming, plus a bunch of my friends wanted to go. My fiancé is only bringing 3 family members and none of HIS friends are going to come (despite travelling to Mexico for a wedding recently). + +After all this, I can see why people elope or have really really small weddings.",Feel like everything thinks i'm annoying and I'm unhappy with how I never stand up for myself.,0 +917,I have exam in two days so its a lot of time to reread thins. But I am so stressed out I cannot focus and I am to afraid to look at the books. :l,Before exam I am so stressed out that I am not even able to learn anymore.,0 +918,"I've recently started a new job position at my current company and have a serious case of imposter syndrome. This position comes with a host of new responsibilities, and I feel as though I'm not performing as well as I should be and I keep making mistakes, I am still in training however I can't help but feel like I'm underperforming and it is mainly to do with stress, I'm stressed out and overwhelmed so I make mistakes and then stress about those same mistakes and it has become this vicious circle. I also haven't been sleeping. It is the only thing I can think about and it's destroying my confidence. I've been having multiple panic attacks sometimes multiple times a day during my breaks and when I am alone at home and have very recently started therapy to try and deal with this however I feel like it's just eating me alive. Has anybody experienced anything similar and perhaps give me a bit of perspective? Or advice on how you have dealt with this kind of stress? Sorry if this is the wrong kind of post for this sub. TIA.",Stress connected to a new job position.,0 +919,"hi. when i listen to this song my overthinking stops, heart rate goes down and i get a break from the stress i'm feeling at the moment. + +[https://open.spotify.com/track/1UVgOlmTW3eSkCekVy5Pu9?si=024b311ba35f4130](https://open.spotify.com/track/1UVgOlmTW3eSkCekVy5Pu9?si=024b311ba35f4130) + +wanted to share, maybe it works for someone else",song that INSTANTLY reduces my stress,0 +920,"Which breathing techniques do you find work best to calm you down when you feel stressed? + + +I find box breathing (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 second, repeat) and 4-7-8 (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds, repeat) are the two techniques that work best for me. + + +Slow, long breaths seem to make me feel the most calm too. + + +What works for you?",Breathing techniques for stress,0 +921,"Hello! + +I am a graduate student researcher from the **University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS)** studying the helpfulness of a **4-week** **online** **mindfulness** treatment for **depression, anxiety, and stress** in adults aged 18 years and older for my master's thesis. Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be **entered to win** **a** **$25 Amazon gift card**. **Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.** + +**All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs!** + +**\*NOTE**: Due to the nature of this study, I cannot post the survey links directly to Reddit. Surveys will be sent via the email below. + +In order to participate you must: + +* Be **18-30 or 50+** years of age +* Have access to the Internet and email +* Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory + +**If you would like to participate or have any questions, please email Payton Downey at** [**pdowney@uccs.edu**](mailto:pdowney@uccs.edu)**.** + +**If you don't believe you qualify or do not wish to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.** + +Thank you and have a wonderful day!","[Repost] The Effectiveness of a 4-Week Online Mindfulness Program for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress",0 +922,"Is it just me or do most of you find with given events overtime, you find the previous events in hindsight weren’t as stressful as what they were during the peak of things? As if the more stressful situations and experiences we go through build resilience and gives you the opportunity in future to determine and deem a situation as stressful or not?",Life Experience,0 +923,"Tommorow I have to speak infront of the whole class for like 7 minutes (it’s part of our exam), without reading or anything. We haven’t really done it before, and i’m an extremely anxious and shy person infront of people i’m not close to, I get extremely anxious. I will need to look to the crowd and talk for 7 minutes and I just know I will fail, or I will turn red and feel it and panic, or I will just simply forget what I need to talk about. I learnt it really well but I will 100% get a panic attack and if anyone knows how to help with this, then share your advice..",How can I be confident when I speak infront of the crowd?,0 +924,"I constantly either need to be doing various projects and filling my plate so much that I can barely handle it. Or I actually let myself do nothing and I feel like the most useless piece of crap. No in between. + +If I’m not busy all the time, it’s like I don’t deserve an rewarding existence.",I often feel like I either need to feel stressed or useless,0 +925,stay calm,"Transport Your Mindset to a Calm Soothing place, Ambient Music for Deep ...",0 +926,"Last year the past few months I had been suffering from stress - for me the physical symptoms are a tightness in the chest leading to a feeling of tension through my body. + +I finally went to a doctor and they diagnosed me - not with stress but pretty bad GERD. I took large doses of nexium for a few months - and wow - stress and tension gone. + +Has anyone else had this experience - where past stress is masking a physical illness or vice versa?",Stress is or physical illness is there even a difference?,0 +927,"It pains me to admit it but I am in a toxic relationship. A relationship with no trust and confidence, no God, constant bickering, and growing violence. We both bring out the worst in each other. What should I do? We have plans tho, and we're working on them. We're just too proud and too dominant against one another. + +I just hate this situation we're in.",I'm in a toxic relationship!,0 +928,"I'm a (22 female) and my job is reporting and introducing new stores and foods on TV. It's creative and fun but because of the unstable income my mother doesn't support me. + +I knew that from the beginning but hoping to please and attempt to make her proud of my accomplishments she would just say ""Why do I need to say I'm proud of you? You have to be proud of yourself"" It's been an ongoing toxic loop so I always distance myself or not contact her, however since last week she's been living with me and we have been bickering here and there. I don't let that get in the way with work though. + + +Anyway. Today this random stranger during my break time came up to me and looked directly into my eyes and said + + ""You don't need to push yourself. It's okay."" + +She kept holding my shoulders and gently rubbing them and I have no clue if this is hypnosis + + ""I know you have some family troubles right now but I can see there are good people behind you. Really good people"" + +And little by little the weight in my shoulders started to get lighter. And it felt fuzzy. I had this feeling why does she know my family? Can she read me? Am I readable? Is my aura out? I'm about to panic! Then I just burst into tears and had to control myself to do the next reporting. + +It was such a confusing experience because she was smiley nice in her 50s lady. + +Can someone tell me if she was a hypnotist or if she can see my soul or some angels or if she was just an empath that knew I was extremely stressed and wanted to let me know I was stressed. Because later She was motioning to her friend her shoulders like letting her know my shoulders were super tight or scrunched up. + +I don't know... It was such a coincidence. And a strange encounter that I had to write about this experience as my first post.","During work, a random stranger came up to me and told me everything is going to be alright... And I burst into tears...",0 +929,"Hi you all, my problem is i would like to pursue more creative hobbies like drawing but 90% of the times i feel i can't because i am too stressed for something (i am in uni now, so it is alternating between lessons and exams). That something being too mentally tired for doing anything else rather the watching the phone or the tv, or being too mentally tired because of studying. I am sure someone else has encountered this problem. How you solve this?",Not capable of relaxing?,0 +930,"Anxiety is a normal part of life, but it can become overwhelming for some. It’s important to understand the causes and symptoms of anxiety so you can recognize it in yourself or someone else, as well as know what treatment options are available. In this article, we’ll take an in-depth look at understanding anxiety – from its causes and symptoms to the various approaches to treating it. + +&#x200B; + +When faced with stressful situations such as work deadlines or personal issues, many people experience feelings of worry or fear that can lead to physical sensations like tightness in their chest or increased heart rate. These are all common signs of anxiety, something that everyone experiences on occasion. However, when these feelings become chronic and interfere with everyday tasks, they may be indicative of an anxiety disorder. + +&#x200B; + +There are numerous treatments available for those suffering from anxiety disorders ranging from lifestyle changes to psychotherapy and medication if needed. Learning more about how your body responds to stressors and triggers can help you manage your own emotions better and make informed decisions when seeking professional help. By exploring the different aspects of understanding anxiety through this article, you will gain valuable insight into managing your own mental well-being. This can help you to develop healthy coping mechanisms and better communication skills that will benefit you in the long run. + +[https://beautyaal.com/understanding-anxiety-causes-and-symptoms-and-treatment-options/](https://beautyaal.com/understanding-anxiety-causes-and-symptoms-and-treatment-options/)",Understanding Anxiety Causes And Symptoms And Treatment Options,0 +931,"I’m struggling quite a bit to reach my goal. I wish I had more help with friends and family but I really don’t have anyone who can help, so I’m just stressed out trying to manage and stay safe, I barely eat or sleep trying to survive. I was able to reach out for a loan but I’m unable to qualify for it due to not have stable work for 6 previous months. +It’s like.. in america, HOW… can I… get out of this. I need to pay for my room bill, I don’t want to be on the streets or shelter I enjoy feeling secure in my space… it’s just stressful seriously.",need $600 in 10 days.,0 +932,"Hi, + +I’m a sales director who recently received a promotion to build and lead a new sales operation for an Australian media company in a foreign country. After relocating my family and settling into our new home, I found the job to be manageable, albeit stressful, for the first 8-9 months. + +However, after a year, I've realized that the stress has become a part of my daily routine, and it's starting to change my personality. I'm experiencing burnout, feeling completely drained, unmotivated, and even depressed at times. I report to upper management located overseas who may not fully understand the realities of building a new operation in a foreign country. Despite being expected to do more with less, the results are still expected. + +I'm struggling to decide if I should push through this or throw in the towel. On one hand, the benefits of international experience, such as building and managing a team in a new market and exploring new commercial initiatives, are invaluable. On the other hand, the stress is taking its toll, and I'm not sure if it's worth it. + +I would appreciate any advice from those who have been in similar situations or know someone who has. It can be quite isolating, and I lack a trusted network of experienced expats to turn to for guidance. Thank you in advance for your help.",Is the stress of my international sales job worth the benefits? Looking for guidance…..,0 +933,"I (31F) am extremely stressed and overwhelmed with work. The workload has drastically increased within the last 6months and I’m having a hard time keeping up with is causing a lot of stress and instability. I can’t sleep and don’t have energy for hardly anything outside of work. + +I’ve always had very demanding jobs but this is definitely one of the toughest times I’ve been in. On top of that, my personal life isn’t that swell either. + +I thought I’ve always managed my stress well because I’ve always lived a difficult life but I’m realizing that I’m not handling it well at all. I’m forming bad habits and it’s only effecting my overall productively and work ethics. + +Does anyone have any tips to the best way to handle high stress and feeling overwhelmed with too many tasks at hand? + +Any natural tips for sleep aids would be really helpful as well! + +I appreciate any and all support!",I’m extremely overwhelmed and need help managing my stress,0 +934,Beard picking from months results in many ingrown hair has anyone experience this? How to solve?,beard picking disorder,0 +935,"I have so much stuff to do and worry about i cant relax i have schizophrenia and hear voices occasionally, im on 7 medications for it, i got denied for a cheaper apartment, i have an abusive bf, my job isnt paying the bills, i have a three year old to watch and provide for, i have bad social snxiety so im stressed meeting new ppl irl, alot of my family members are old or have passed away. I have this car to fix, i have debts to pay. .... a million problems wtf am i to do",no good days,0 +936,"I have had flings and short term thing with some crazy women (which i regret). + +Though i have treated them like a queen throughout the time we were together, I always have this fear that what if they make any false accusations or create a scene when I cross paths with them in future, or try to defame me in case I do something big in life. + +How to deal with this constant fear?","How to deal with the anxiety of crossing paths with your exes, when you're out with family?",0 +937," Hey everyone! I am conducting some research on stress levels among college students. I'm a student myself and this is my first time conducting a study myself so I'm really sorry if my survey isn't the best. I would really appriciate if people would take my survey on stress! Everything is anonymous, I just need as much data as possible to help move my study along. If everyone is interested, I can post my results here when the study is done. + + +[https://forms.gle/Zr76jzyp1xLxzCjZ7](https://forms.gle/Zr76jzyp1xLxzCjZ7)",Stress Survey,0 +938,"Recently it does happen that I randomly, all of a sudden, get stress attacks. Like even if nothing happens at all. One time it lasted a whole day and then also the morning after. Recently it started in the night and caused me to not be able to sleep. This stress is usually just feelings of unbearable tension and fear. There are no physical symptoms. During the attacks I get thoughts about all possible things that I ever found stressful. Maybe worth noting that I recently recovered from depression, and it's like the sadness turned into these attacks. + +What can it be and how do I prevent these?",What are these random stress attacks?,0 +939,I just want to know some ways I can actually use. Please leave any suggestion in the comments. Thank you.,What Are Legitimate Way I Can Relieve Stress?,0 +940,"Hi Reddit, I'm here to vent about my stress, and honestly, I have no one to talk to. I am F (23), and last year I started my first ""big girl job"" as a copywriter in marketing. I originally studied filmmaking to be a screenwriter or producer, anything to get me to be on set. My love and passion for being behind the scenes and seeing the projects come to life are breathtaking. I enjoy talking to the cast, getting behind the camera, and being transported to a different unique world. So why was my first big job in marketing? + +During the pandemic, my concern was how to get myself out there when I was very limited in making connections and unable to go out and shoot because of social distancing measures due to the pandemic. The school I was in offered an internship for a class in marketing, and I took it (honestly, anything to make my portfolio and resume look good). Not going to lie; the internship was fun and exciting, so when they offered me an entry-level position in marketing, I was hesitant. I didn't study marketing or advertising or anything related to that, just filmmaking. They knew that I only had knowledge of film but still wanted to give me a chance to explore my career options. Now, having been here for a year, I've built up an extreme amount of stress. + +Every single day I am constantly feeling stressed, anxious, and depressed. I'm always messing up, and it has gotten to the point where I received a PIP. I saw it coming. + +I am struggling with my grammar, not being strong enough when it comes to presenting, and lacking creativity. Things are so rushed here that I often miss a thing or two, which reflects poorly on me. Being dyslexic doesn't help either. As a result, I received a PIP, and it has spiked my stress levels and anxiety to the point where I feel sick every day. I can't eat, don't feel like getting out of bed, can't breathe, can't sleep, and can't think clearly. + +Additionally, I have been struggling with a yeast infection for six months (yes, you read that right). My doctor says I have a candida overgrowth, so I am on a strict diet in hopes of getting it under control. + +The whole experience is making me feel like a failure, like I've made a big joke out of myself. My manager talked to me and said that copywriting marketing isn't for me because I didn't learn it, and he knows my skills lie elsewhere. I agree, but I am afraid I won't find a job in film with how the economy is and the difficult hiring process I see on social media. It's terrifying. How am I going to pay for school, debt, help my parents, pay for groceries for this stupid candida diet, and help my grandma in Mexico, and more bills? + +My parents and a coworker of mine are giving me words of encouragement and saying that everything is going to be okay. They say I should still be proud because I tried something new, created a new set of skills, and toughened up. I don't know if that's true.",I can't stop thinking and I need to vent!!,0 +941,"Sorry if this isn't appropriate for here, but the stress is killing me. I'm 24 and I feel like I've got the stress of a 45 year old going through a midlife crisis! + +Three weeks ago, I started up a new job with security, I got one 6 hour shift, and three 12 hour shifts. Honestly, I love this job despite the hours, and I can handle it. + +But, this past week? Everything feels like it fell apart. My sister popped over with her husband on a surprise visit ( haven't seen her in 14 years ) so it should've been exciting, but all it did was bring trouble to our already fragile household. She instigated drama with my father and everyone else, then her boyfriend was just causing problems with zero consequences. Then, two days later, my Uncle shows up and it's all great.. up until he hits me with news tonight that he's got cancer and he's trying to enjoy himself since he's scared of worse case scenario. All of this on top of family dilemmas with my father, seeing it affect my grandmother? ALL tied together with the very awkward sleep I get, I can just feel my mental health regressing back to incredibly old, toxic, unhealthy ways. I wanna smoke weed to ignore the stress and call off work, but I know doing all that will ruin any progress I've ever made. + +Oh, I'm also having allergies worse than ever so my nose is constantly dried up, in pain, slightly bleeding and my eyes itch like hell. I know I'm just yapping at this point, but good lord, it feels like way too much to stomach in such a short amount of time. + +Again, if this isn't the place, I apologize. Just looking for others in a similar mess, maybe I'm looking for some words of reassurance. Don't know, but thank you to anyone who fully reads this rambling",Venting,0 +942,"One of the best ways to decrease how much total stress you experience is by adding good forms of stress (short and moderate) called hormetic stressors. Cold water is a prototypical hormetic stressor. It releases stress hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline but it is short and not extreme. + +We just launched an app that provides guided cold showers to make it easy for you to do them. It is led by a Master Chief Navy SEAL. We teach you a set of mental tools around tactical breathwort, body relaxation, self talk, etc. These tools not only make cold showers easier but they also help you handle stress more generally. + +In fact, the best way to train yourself to handle stress better is to systematically stress yourself and then practice these tools while stressed. If you do that, these tools will become reflexive any time your body generates stress hormones. + +getmental.com + +One side note - the app is geared generally to men.",Decrease stress by ADDING a hormetic stressor into your life.,0 +943,"Hello! + +I am a graduate student researcher from the **University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS)** studying the helpfulness of a **4-week** **online** **mindfulness** treatment for **depression, anxiety, and stress** in adults aged 18 years and older for my master's thesis. Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be **entered to win** **a** **$25 Amazon gift card**. **Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.** + +**All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs!** + +**\*NOTE**: Due to the nature of this study, I cannot post the survey links directly to Reddit. Surveys will be sent via the email below. + +In order to participate you must: + +* Be **18-30 or 50+** years of age +* Have access to the Internet and email +* Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory + +**If you would like to participate or have any questions, please email Payton Downey at** [**pdowney@uccs.edu**](mailto:pdowney@uccs.edu)**.** + +**If you don't believe you qualify or do not wish to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.** + +Thank you and have a wonderful day!","[Repost] The Effectiveness of a 4-Week Online Mindfulness Program for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress",0 +944," Are you feeling overwhelmed and stressed out? If so, you’re not alone. In today’s world, it can be hard to keep up with the demands of life while still maintaining a healthy lifestyle. From work deadlines to family obligations, stressors come in all shapes and sizes. Fortunately, there are many techniques that can help reduce stress levels and boost your overall well-being – and they don’t have to take hours or require costly materials! Here’s a look at some helpful tips for destressing quickly and easily. + +[https://beautyaal.com/de-stress/](https://beautyaal.com/de-stress/)",Simple Ways to Destress and Relax After a Long Day,0 +945,"Tomorrow I’m doing a speech in front of 300 people. It’s my first time talking in front so many people and I’m really nervous. I’m basically a shy person so it doesn’t help. +Do you have any tips for managing stress in that situation?",How to manage stress while doing a speech?,0 +946,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +We want to develop a breath work app for stress management. + +Please take part in our very short survey to shape our app. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk](https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk) + +If you want to win an Amazon voucher in addition, please write me a message with your e-mail and name of the features we asked for (so that we know you did the survey.) + +Cheers, Christian",Interested into breath work to relief stress - :Take part in 2 minutes survey and win 50 USD Amazon Voucher.,0 +947,"Lately everything has just been super stressful. I find myself thinking about the stress itself instead of the work. I love what I do, but i want to learn how to keep a healthy amount of stress for a better quality of life. + + +- thank you",What are some techniques you use to lower your stress but still maintain focus on your work and goals?,0 +948,,Why does stress sometimes linger even when the source is gone?,0 +949,,is it normal to be stressed when things are slow or people are talking slowly??,0 +950,"So I know I'm experiencing stress, because I'm getting a sensation in the back of my head (not quite a headache but a bit of discomfort), which has always been associated with stressful/anxious situations. It started occuring right after I started uni again, so that's probably the cause. The thing is though, I don't feel anxious or anything though, I just have this one symptom.. is this just as bad as being full-on stressed? Like will it age me the same amount that full-on stress will?",Experiencing a physical stress symptom but don't feel stressed,0 +951,I’m about to turn 17 and I just got my license I put a job application in for a grocery store because I knew I needed money for gas and car insurance but what I wasn’t expecting was the fact I’m not gonna be able to afford gas money if I pay for insurance so now I have to find a high end paying job just to get by I’m so stressed and scared and I didn’t realize life was this unforgiving I knew I would need to pay for bills and taxes and all this but minimum wage is just not enough you can’t survive off that I can’t even work for 10$ an hour and survive so now I’m waiting on a call from my father to try and get a landscaping job that should pay way more but I’m still gonna barely have anything I thought growing up was freedom and it was supposed make you feel happy but I feel nothing but regret sadness and fear I hope it gets better I’m only 17 and I feel like I’m 80 a tip to those who are younger who might see this SAVE.YOUR.MONEY all of it,Life is stressing,0 +952,"Anyone else in a Master's program and hate it? Nothing is ever explained, such complicated assignments, not to mention professors that are not invested in their students but care more about their research interests, a department that is so disorganized it is falling to pieces. Anyone else can relate? Thank god it is almost over, it has been one of the WORST experiences, most stressful, and its been so draining on my mental health.",Grad School Vent,0 +953,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +We want to develop a breath work app for stress management. + +Please take part in our very short survey to shape our app. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk](https://www.kano.plus/studies/respond/JwKdRBP6BK528dudk) + +If you want to win an Amazon voucher in addition, please write me a message with your e-mail and name of the features we asked for (so that we know you did the survey.) + +Cheers, Christian",Take part in 2minutes survey and win 50 USD Amazon Voucher.,0 +954,"Stress is a normal part of life and it’s important to find ways to manage it. We hope you have found this article helpful in providing some strategies for handling stress more effectively. Whether it be through mindfulness, physical activity, or simply setting time aside each day to relax, there are many ways we can practice self-care in order to handle our stress better. Try out different techniques and see what works best for you! + +[https://reversetohealthylife.com/how-to-handle-stress-its-effects-on-the-body/](https://reversetohealthylife.com/how-to-handle-stress-its-effects-on-the-body/)",How To Handle Stress & Its Effects On The Body,0 +955,"Sometimes, it’s overwhelming to think about all the stressful things. When you let go of them, you can take solace in the fact they remain in a safe space, but no longer occupying headspace. I developed CocoonWeaver because of a dream I had. My dream was about an app that would be intuitive enough to release the many fleeting thoughts that occupy ones mind. Since then, it has been developed in to a working product, and improved with the help of kind feedback from various neurodivergent communities. I would love to take feedback from this community as well, if you have a moment to download the app and share your feedback I would be extremely grateful. + +The app is completely free and it is completely private, nothing leaves your device and everything is stored on your phone. + +Thank you so much for your time! <3 + +Here are all the relevant links, to the app and website, android release date etc.: [www.linktree.com/cocoonweaver](http://www.linktree.com/cocoonweaver) +[https://www.instagram.com/cocoonweaver/](https://www.instagram.com/cocoonweaver/)","I created CocoonWeaver to help. It’s a free, privacy focused app that sorts audio recordings, transcribed, into categories. There are numerous benefits to self talk, in particular it can decompress mental states and reduce stress. I hope you enjoy!",0 +956,Looking for the best ways to relieve stress before starting a new job. I don't believe in mediation or yoga so those are out of the question.,I'm burnt out. What is the most effective way to get unburnt?,0 +957,"I will admit that I’m a bit of a hypochondriac and have a lot of anxiety surrounding my health, but I’m experiencing something I’ve never gone through before. Since Sunday evening, my whole body has been in extreme pain and I just have that feeling I get when I’m sick with something like a cold or the flu. But those are my only symptoms. I’ve had 2 negative Covid tests and just got a negative flu test from the doctor where they also did some lab work and gave me a prescription for my pain. + +The only other explanation I can think of for the cause of this is that I got extremely depressed and stressed out last week. I’m not new to stress or depression though, and I’ve never had this type of reaction before. + +Just wondered if anyone had any ideas or has experienced anything like this. I’m worried this is all in my head even though my pain feels very real and severe, and it doesn’t seem to be letting up at all.",I’m In Pain,0 +958,"I was wondering if someone recognizes the feelings I have sometimes because I feel like I am weird and alone. I've read about anxiety and think that's what I have... But there's so much info online that I do not know for sure. + +I get minor panic attacks on random moments and I can not seem to find any reason why. +The most recent example is when I was asked to go on a team meeting outside of working hours. I felt almost frightened and felt like I wanted to cry and life is too overwhelming for me. Another example is a party I recently went to, I was scared to go for about two weeks (even though my gf and a friend were with me). There was literally nothing bad about it, but I was stressed up until the moment I got there. + +When I try to think of a reason why I'm feeling like that, I do not have a single clue. My life is good and I have everything I need/want but I keep looking for small things that make me feel unhappy and anxious. I can stay awake and panic/overthink over all kinds of small things like this. I just want to feel happy and stop overthinking constantly but I do not know how to do that. Sometimes I think it will get better when I'll get older (25y right now). But the negative feelings are taking over more frequently and I am ready to start working on it so I can actually enjoy life. Any advice?",Does anyone feel the same?,0 +959,"I started getting stress symptoms back in April last year. It escalated in October, in November I went on sick leave from work until start February. I started work part time, and I really want to just be okay again. I was at work yesterday and today I’m a bundle of anxiety. Restlessness, can’t calm down, easily irritated, increase in chronic diseases, and exhausted. I’m so mad about it too, because it was a really good day at work yesterday too, I just overdid it. And i feel like it was so little that I did. It makes me feel like such a burden. I wanted to increase my hours, but I know I will struggle. + +I just needed to went.",I’m starting to get frustrated with my limits,0 +960,Feels weird. I just crossed a line,29 and just started stress smoking,0 +961,"I work at an engineering firm that surveys underground utilities and drain systems. I started work last July and it has been a never ending stream of all consuming stress and anxiety for me. It feels like I can’t escape from work and it never ends, and it feels like no matter how hard I try my work always gets thrown back at me with my boss telling me it’s horribly wrong and that I had no idea what I was doing. It’s not like I don’t ask him for help either, he will review my work and offer revisions, only to go back and find new instances that he didn’t mention before. +If all I had to do was draft I’d be okay with that. But because the company is so small everyone does every project on their own start to finish, from proposal to cost estimate to survey to drafting to finish. All I know how to do is draft, and because everyone has been so busy I haven’t been able to learn the other skills. +I’ve also been given another near impossible task that I have been trying to teach myself how to do, but I also haven’t even had time in my work day to do that. +Even my coworkers are all older than me by a significant margin, and have been in this business for quite some time. They live to work, and I don’t have anything in common in which forms camaraderie. +Literally the only thing keeping me here is the pay. Which is very good, but I cant live like this. I feel exhausted and broken when I get home. I feel like I can’t do anything after. I sit at my desk literally watching my hair fall out and feeling like I am sick from dealing with this. Is this just what adult life and and adult job is? I don’t feel like I’m cut out for this, I can’t believe I’m going to Reddit to vent, and I need help. + +TLDR: almost every facet of my engineering job is stressing me out and I don’t know what to do.",Stress at work making me physically ill,0 +962,[https://resilience.skara.ai](https://resilience.skara.ai),How's your stress resilience on a day to day basis?,0 +963,"Hello! I'm a design student who's looking into solutions for stress and sensory regulation for neurodivergent individuals. Specifically looking for feedback from people who struggle with sensory input themselves or who know a lot about the subject. Please take 5 minutes of your time to fill out this survey and give me some feedback on my concepts! :) Thank you so much for your time! + +[https://forms.gle/dk8Coie4yUzMeWwc8](https://forms.gle/dk8Coie4yUzMeWwc8)",Sensory Design Concept Survey,0 +964,"Recently ive been aware of my stressed and im really tense all the day long. From the time I wake up I feel a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders an that feeling rarely goes away, sometimes I have can't sleep because of that. I also exercise 5 days a week and I used to run but I've stopped so im sticking to weight lifting and easy cardio like walking or biking in zone 2, working out used to make me feel happy but recently it has felt like a chore. im also a full time student, university is really time consuming and a barely have time to do my hobbies, running used to be my stress reliever but is not helping anymore because I have to go for my run at 5am and I go to bed at like 11 if im lucky so I feel like I barely get any rest, so if you have any tips to manage stress please let me know.",Stress relief,0 +965,"SO for exmple: I have to write a story about me meeting a certian character from a book which I hate. + +I also have to write it thsi long and write what I will do on a different paper and than send photos to my teacher. I mean sounds like a monotone ask, but not to bad right? + +HELL NAH. FOr some reason the stress got so bad I tried asphyxiating myself. I failed so I went to sleep and the stress manifested in my dreams. I also have panic atacks for a reason of a minor inconvinience happening when I am stressed. I am often stressed and not to carefull with my soroudings sothis often happens. I once actually grabbed my head so hard that I stabbed my self with my nails. + +**What to do?**",How do I stop streessing about stupid things?,0 +966,"Had anybody else experienced dizziness or being light-headed when you're stressed or anxious? + +Occasionally over the past few weeks I've experienced it, currently going through a house move and dealing with my new promotion as a manager at work so I do feel as though I've had prolonged stress at the moment. + +Thanks.",Stress and dizziness,0 +967,"I’ve have my puppy for over a week. He’s adorable and such a sweetheart but I feel bad because I can’t take care of him. My mental health is over the roof and he’s pushing every bit of it when I put him before me because that’s what I end up doing. I put him first making sure he grows up to be a good obedient boy but I forget about me. I feel so bad. I love him so much and I don’t wanna give him away but I know I have to. I haven’t been going to the gym anymore, I’m working more hours, and I still have school to focus on. I hate how hard it has to be.",I feel bad,0 +968,I’m so tired of this. Being financially unstable is not the way to live,just want to stop stressing about money.,0 +969,i’ve been with my boyfriend 4 years and it was all good then a couple years ago he found out he had court because he did something really illegal not gonna say what. but the court process has been going on 2 years cuz they’ve been pushing it off and he’s been so stressed the past 2 years like really bad it affects our relationship to the point where i’m stressed all the time too we had a kid together right when he found out he had court too. but i noticed ever since he found out i literally look like shit and getting wrinkles and all that and i’m healthy otherwise i read that stress is a big aging factor so do you think it’s true someone else’s stress can age you ?,can someone else’s stress age you? 22f and 26m,0 +970,"Sometimes I feel so stressed that my body feels paralyzed. I can’t move, think, talk, feel, etc +Is it normal ? +And how can I deal with it?",Feeling paralyzed,0 +971,"So all this started for me back at the end of January. I went to my dermatologist and had a biopsy done. I freak out for a about a week and test results came back clean. The. I went two weeks later because a scab grew on my chest. I got that check out and came back clean. During this time I was freaking out.. stress, worrying, and couldn’t sleep. All this lead to other health issues. I started to have pain in my lower back which shot through my entire body. It was until recently I started to get a burning sensation in my stomach. I went to my dr and he said it was due to stress. I got put on medication to take care of it hoping it works… has anyone else gone through this before? All this happen under one month.",Stress caused health issues.,0 +972,"So, It's my 2nd year in med college, 3 months passed and things get tougher and tougher for me. +Exams approaching faster than train and I have a job (Temporary) to get money and I am late at paying my loans for college... WHY IS LIFE SO FCKING TOUGH???",Help me...,0 +973,Can anyone suggest the best books on healing from this? I know it is better to prevent becoming burntout but here I am. I am absolutely destroyed physically and mentally.,Books/podcasts/audiobooks for chronic stress healing,0 +974,"&#x200B; + +**Do you worry a lot?** + +You may be eligible to participate in a study conducted by the Anxiety, + +Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. + +Eligible participants with Generalized Anxiety Disorder will be + +randomized to an 8-week group intervention of Mindfulness-Based + +Stress Reduction (MBSR) or stress education classes. Participation in + +this study requires 10 study visits over 13-14 weeks plus one 3-month + +follow up assessment as well as 8 or 9 MBSR or stress education + +classes. + +Participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-50, and are + +interested in this study, please contact: + +AnxietyStudy@nyulangone.org or 1-888-44-WORRY",Subjects needed for a study on treatment of Anxiety,0 +975,"I lost my job at the end of January and finally was able to start working a few days ago. Through the stress of not having a job, I felt as though I was in the clear and able to focus again. Until I realized that I will not be getting paid until the 17th. I reached out to my leasing office about paying rent late and was hit with a response of “we are now doing evictions, so paying so late might not be feasible.” I’ve had a really tough time these last three years, leaving an abusive marriage, losing my mom unexpectedly, now once again feeling like I have to start my life over. I do not feel like I have anywhere I can turn to. I’m feel like every-time life starts to get on track it gets derailed in some way or another.",Sleepless nights,0 +976,"I’m pretty sure I’m burnt out and I have been for over a month now. It’s gotten so bad to the point I CAN’T work even when I try to force myself to. I thought it’d get better with a break and that I’d get over it just like I always did, but I haven’t and it’s been over a month now. + +Whenever I try to work, I just can’t seem to focus. I can’t no matter how much I force myself to. As soon as I force it, the stress rises and a low mood is bound to kick in even if I was all cheery and positive a minute ago. I thought taking a week long break would do it since it used to, but the break didn’t help much if at all. I have no idea what to do since nothing seems to be working on. + +Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone know what I can do? +Any help at all would be sincerely appreciated.",What should I do??,0 +977,"When ever I’m stressed for some reason I picture a giant coin forever flipping towards me. It doesn’t move, but sits in darkness just flipping. Especially when I’m trying to sleep, I feel like my vision is actually obscured by this coin, and I dream about it to. And it’s a slow dream, not like a quick regular dream. Just wanted to write this down, and ask if anyone else has something your mind goes to when your stressed like the coin?",This is probably strange but…,0 +978,"Parenting is TOUGH. Kids are STRESSED. Looking for helpful tips? We are looking for children between the ages of 8 and 13 years old and their parents to participate in a study.  We will suggest some small behavioral changes that we think will help your child manage stress. You will be paid $40 for your time! + +The study consists of either one or two (depending on group assignment) virtual study visits (\~30-60 min) via a Zoom call with a member of our study team. We will suggest some small, simple changes to common behaviors for both you and your child to make over the next 4 weeks that we think will help your child manage stress. We will also ask you to fill out some online surveys. At the end of the study, you will receive a $40 Amazon gift card and we will send you a report form with your child’s mental health symptom scores! + +To find out more and to see if you are eligible, click on the following link: + +[https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_6L4TvqQ2oWG4X8a](https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6L4TvqQ2oWG4X8a) + +Or call or email us today for more information! + +Phone: (850)-629-8525 + +Email: abhc.newhart@gmail.com; Subject Line: Changing Behaviors Study",Psychology lab at Florida State University looking for parents and kids!,0 +979,"everything just a jumbled mess right now and i can’t handle it. my cousin passing, school, being bullied for both my autism and abilities, my job, my diabetes, my parents, my friends, every single thing in my life is ruining me and i don’t know how to deal with it. + +ive tried everything. i don’t know anymore. im only 15, and i don’t have hope for anything. its just all too much.",i cant keep up with anything and it’s taking both a physical and mental toll on me.,0 +980,"I mean constant. Never ending always there stress. Even when I’m relaxing, I’m stressed about the next day or something unrelated. I don’t know how to stop. + +I just started a job, I’m 18 so I thought it was time to work. I’m in a bit of a bad depression patch right now where I don’t wanna do anything even things I enjoy. My mom wanted me to do the job. We are about to spend 400+ dollars on things I need for the job so no going back now, I feel trapped. + +And the thing is, I like the job. I’m learning to be a dog groomer, but I’m so scared I won’t be able to have down time to unwind. School is already extremely overwhelming and hard to get through. How can I cope with this? I need help",Healthy ways to deal with constant stress?,0 +981,"So, there’s this thing I’ve been dealing with for a while. When my body is under physical stress, or I’m under mental stress, I sometimes get the urge to hiccup. Not a series of hiccups, just one annoying outburst. And I guess I don’t really know if I’d call it a hiccup even. My parents have taken to calling it a “narg” because that’s basically the sound I make during a particularly strong one. Has anyone else ever experienced this before? And is it even really an involuntary stress reaction? It’s been happening for years. I even had an ultrasound on my gallbladder, since my doctors didn’t know what could be causing it. No issues there either. I’d love to hear if anyone has any similar situations.",Kind of a weird question about stress,0 +982,"I’m in my final year of Engineering school and previous semester was pretty stressful for a solid month, I had to change up my routine. I managed to get everything done, but I never celebrated. Straight after that I moved to a new place, and felt more stressed, as it didn’t meet my expectations. Then I got pretty sick. And now 2 months after it feels like the stress has built up, and is there just for the sake of it. I feel stuck in the stress trap. Anything I do in life stresses me, and it can’t stay like that for long. I need to escape, I need some peace. + +Share with me your thoughts. I’m open to listen.",Prolonged Stress due to previous period of stress,0 +983,I dread going to work every day. Its relentless tech support work. What options do I have to get out of this. Can't do this any more. I might get a stroke or something,mid 40s anxiety at work,0 +984,"I’m typing this after realizing the amount of mistakes I made these past few weeks at work. It’s been so hard to focus and I’m finding that I can’t understand basic (so they seem) task requirements. +Desk job, working with numbers and reports, Maths have never been my forte, I’m surprised even to this very day how I’ve been hired and still work here after many years. I feel like I’m always behind everyone else and I can’t use logic when looking at numbers. +Well this time the mistake I made was because I/we haven’t checked some figures, I didn’t get help (my manager is on holidays, other members of the team are busy with their stuff), I didn’t connect the dots. +I just can’t do it anymore. I live under constant pressure due to work, so many sleepless nights, thoughts racing in my head, stupid scenarios I build, poor nutrition and so many times of crying uncontrollably. +I don’t want to blame external factors but there has been constant miscommunication which also led to where we’re at. +My therapist can only help so much, I always feel great after each session and it looks like have the right tools and mindset to get better, but inherently I’m always on the edge, stressed and scared of consequences. +I felt like venting and writing down my pain, typing this in tears, feeling so useless and stupid, but it felt good sharing this here.","Overwhelmed, tired, scared",0 +985,"Is this a thing? A couple of times in my adult life when I’ve been under significant stress, I’ve developed both physical tics (chin quivering, tapping my first two fingers against my thumb repeatedly), as well as vocal tics (making like a tiny whmp noise every couple seconds for a while). + +I don’t even know why I’m asking. I’m under terrible stress and doing this. That’s all.",Adult onset vocal tics?,0 +986,Since the beginning of December I‘ve been sick 5 times and everytime for at least 5-6 days. Does anyone have the same problem and how likely is it that stress is the cause?,I am sick ALL the time,0 +987,"So, let me start by saying I'm 28 M, and I've been burned out for the last few years and just ""managing to get by."" I work a full-time 9-5 position (got promoted end of last year), I'm studying part-time in college (straight As till this recent semester, 3 courses every semester), I'ma caretaker and I take care of storeruns/bills/necessities for my home, and I have a significant other that I'm going steady with. + +So, my job has gotten to become majorly overwhelming, but the salary's great for someone with no degree, and I'm very used to working with this employer and the work that we do—however between an occasionally toxic environment and daily demands that I'm struggling to focus on (due to my burnout), I fear for my job safety and am becoming miserable. This semester, I find myself having no energy to take on my schoolwork after the workday. I had no option for in-person classes, and all of them are reading and/or writing intensive, none of which makes it any better. As a result of these two alone, I've found myself too tired and stressed to desire nutritious foods, and have adopted poor eating habits... Finally, I'm proud to take care of business for my home, and to have a loving and supportive partner... however, I'm really beginning to tire of the workload, and the result it's taking on my mental health. I do not want to fail, nor be fired, nor disappoint my loves ones... + +I know ""I'm worth it,"" and must take time for myself, but how? What does that truly mean? My breaks lately are watching a show while eating for a bit, or going to the market to shop for groceries... I haven't truly had a day off, and it's difficult to be ahead when you're working overtime at your 9-5 to catch-up to the constant demands. To my partner, I don't wanna litter our relationship with complaints or my personal woes. I wanna be a hero, an example, and stable... What do I need to do to recharge and get back on track? + +(Thanks in advance! Don't get it twisted. I'm venting, but beneath all of this is ambition and drive. Hence why it angers me that I'm feeling the ""fuck it"" mentality damn near...)",I'm BURNED OUT... What should I do?,0 +988,"I'm sure I'm not alone in finding that poor mental health makes it difficult to keep on top of hygiene related tasks sometimes. I personally really struggle to motivate myself to brush my teeth even though I know I should. + +I think the thing that stops me is worrying about being left alone with my thoughts while I do that- I can't distract myself easily by doing things on my phone because one hand is occupied, and using my phone one handed is harder. + +Is there anything that others do while brushing their teeth (or other tasks) that helps then overcome this barrier? I've tried watching YouTube videos, but the effort of finding one I'm interested in seems to be creating enough of a mental barrier that I'm still finding myself procrastinating.",Maintaining Hygiene,0 +989,"I can barely move from the nausea, my whole body is heavy and my head feels musty, it feels like the flu I can barely stand up for 10 minutes without feeling violently ill. The thing is, I need to pack to move out today and I've got about half of it to go. I just want to sleep and run away from it all but I can't. I'm exhausted, I've had to clean out all my moms stuff and decide on a place within a month (she died recently and I'm 18). The pressure from everyone to sell the house fast is killing me. + +It's not logical, or not practical. Well it's not what everyone else expects of me anyway. So I need some help in managing this sickness so I can get stuff done.",just realised my sickness is stress related,0 +990,"Anyone ever successfully take FMLA for stress leave? What was the process like? Did you return to your previous employer and if so, were you treated with respect after leave?",Stress leave,0 +991,"Hi everyone! I’m struggling a lot lately and I’m hoping some of y’all have tips for me. + +Life has been hard lately and my stress is manifesting as anger. I keep telling people I’m entering my villain era because this is so abnormal for me. I am so frustrated at work because everything is falling on my shoulders while my boss stays lazy. I have low tolerance for stupid behavior and am calling people on their sh*t. My VP laughed at me when I tried to bring up an issue recently and I rage cry when I think about it. I’m finding myself being short with my friends and acting entirely self centered. + +This isn’t normal for me. I normally tolerate so much. I am compassionate and so empathetic and normally look to help everybody, and I’m just burnt out. I know it’s stress/anxiety. + +For a little context that I know is playing into it all: I just weaned off depression and anxiety meds around Christmas. My grandma died in January. My dad has cancer and is very sick right now. I just learned someone I work closely with was a suspect in a murder that remains a cold case…. + +I feel like I’m falling apart and I need advice of how to bring myself back. What do I do? How do I stop feeling so mad? Thank you ❤️",Anger boiling over,0 +992,"Hey everyone, i am currently a doctorate student and have been really struggling with mental stress and feelings of not being good enough( with regards to my career). My stress causes impact on my digestion which in turn causes more stress to me. I have been managing my gut health but it relapses every now and then. + +My stress levels mostly come when i have been unable to do an important task in my research or if it takes some considerable time to do them. Additionally, feeling of not being smart enough for my career keeps trickling down at the back of my head (Which i think is the major reason of my stress). + +I do breathing exercises and they have been great in the short term or for that instance but stress keeps coming back. I have been pretty consistent with mindfulness and other things but it always end up coming back. + +Does any one know how long would it take to see some permanent results? (Sometimes, i feel it will be when i get done with my doctorate degree!)",How long does this take?,0 +993,"Has anyone else felt constant back & leg pain (or even general muscle pain on any part of the body due to stress? + +I have never had back problems, ever. Knock on wood, I’ve had no accidents, no sciatic issues, no joint issues, pinched nerve issues or broken bones etc. + +That being said, I’ve been undergoing a lot of stress lately. The pain has been building up for a few days but tonight, I’m experiencing increased pain! Feels like the origin is the right side of my lower back and the pain radiates down through my butt cheek into my calf (pain is not travelling to foot). It‘s not a sharp pain. It’s more of a gnawing, dull but steady pain. Feels as if I’ve been punched HARD several times in the said area and I only get a bit of relief if I curl up in my side in the fetal position. + +I found literature online saying that stress can cause these symptoms but I just find it so bizarre. Am I really that fragile thay stress could cause so much havoc? I’m in my 30s. No major health issues. I did have mild covid 1.5 weeks ago though. The only other thing I can think of is the fact that I’ve been sitting a lot due to studying for exams nonstop. Weird because I’ve spent more time sitting and studying in the past, but had no back issues at that time. + +I will be seeing my doc next Monday so I will update the chat but wow this pain is gnarly.","Lower back, butt and leg pain due to stress?",0 +994,"Hi guys! + +So, we've created a questionnaire about stress: [https://forms.gle/1PEqTfbveP1NrWgb9](https://forms.gle/1PEqTfbveP1NrWgb9) and we'd love for you to fill it out. Your responses will be super helpful for our research :) + +&#x200B; + +Thank you for your time! You'll find all the information needed in the description!",Short questionnaire about stress,0 +995,"Have you ever felt a sense of fear that seemed to take over your body and mind, leaving you feeling helpless? Fear can be a paralyzing emotion, preventing us from moving forward in life. But what if there was something you could do about it? What if there were ways to get rid of the sense of fear? + +In this article, we will explore practical tips and techniques for overcoming feelings of fear. Whether your fear is rooted in an event or situation from the past or stems from current worries and anxieties, these strategies may help you ease your fears so that they don’t control your life. + +We’ll discuss how to identify triggers, use self-talk to reframe thoughts, practice relaxation methods such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, reach out for support when needed, and more. So let’s dive into learning how to manage fear and gain peace of mind: + +[https://beautyaal.com/get-rid-of-fear/](https://beautyaal.com/get-rid-of-fear/)",Sense of fear,0 +996,"New poster here. I am a 54f professional w a history of depression. I notice I’ve developed new habits of rocking (rare) and chin quivering (frequent!, seems intentional, can stop, but the inclination is def increasing). Full transparency: I’ve started drinking a bit more, but no more than I’ve overindulged in the past due to stress. I am under incredible amounts of increasing, unrelenting, and incomprehensible stress these days due to my employer suddenly changing all policies. I never rocked/quivered before these changes. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced rocking and chin quivering in response to stress. And the influence of alcohol if relevant. Thanks.",New nervous/stress habits.,0 +997,"Well I've had problems with things for a couple of years but it's never been so bad that I can't concentrate and only talk to other people at school. + for example I was listening to the teacher the whole time and then she asks me something and I don't know what she said. + and also problems like I want to read something and I can read but I can't understand what I'm reading until I can picture it in my head and that's not easy either and if I can't picture it then I can too do not understand. + and in German I've never had any problems with grammar and such and commas and everything just happened by itself and I always wrote a 1 in dictations and now all of a sudden I've made all these grammatical errors that I've made before and still messed them up. + and I've never had problems remembering things, but now on a ö I can't remember anything anymore. I forget everything I'm told and I always have to imagine it before I'm told things. + and that has nothing to do with the brain, but lately I've been getting sick every week and my immune system is also deteriorating very badly, although I've always gone 4 years without getting sick (that has nothing to do with the topic but it has to be say once) + can anyone give me any advice on what to do now?",Do I have a problem with my brain?,0 +998,"Freaking tf out about my cbc test + +Hello everyone! I just need advice and yes I know this isn’t a doctors office etc… if anyone ever had abnormal blood work please share. I recently had to get blood work because my doctor put me on blood pressure medicine . When I did the results came back high for EOSINOPHIL. He told me to go back 2 weeks later which was Monday.. well now my white blood cells are low and I’m freaking the hell out . I keep reading shit on google and it’s nothing positive. My EOSINOPHIL is still high . I did have covid a month ago idk if that could do anything or not ? The only thing that changed in the last 2 weeks is I was put on blood pressure medicine for my blood pressure being so high . Please someone tell me I’m just crazy and my anxiety is getting the best of me . It’s so bad I can barely eat or think straight . Here are the results +- [ ] WBC +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 3.3 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 4.5 to 11.0 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] 4.5 - 11.0 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] NEUTROPHIL % +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 36 % +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 50 to 70 % +- [ ] 50 - 70 % +- [ ] EOSINOPHIL % +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 13 % +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 0 to 4 % +- [ ] 0 - 4 % +- [ ] NEUTROPHIL # +- [ ] Your Value +- [ ] 1.20 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] Standard Range +- [ ] 1.70 to 7.00 x10ˆ3/uL +- [ ] 1.70 - 7.00 x10ˆ3/uL",Cbc results scared af,0 +999,"Whatever you’re trying to achieve - save the world, write a novel, devote yourself to a particular cause – there are likely to be those who will be critical. Some people just have a critical disposition while others will take issue with the specifics of your particular endeavour. Criticism is unavoidable. Your choice is in how to respond to it. + +### Consider these strategies for managing the critics in your life: + +**Clarify your purpose.** As humans, we are compelled to make meaning. Making meaning for ourselves – and value for others – is fundamental to a life well lived. When you’re doing something very important to you, you care far less about the criticisms of others. If they can easily throw you off your path, you might want to reflect on how important it really is to you. Are you living your purpose consistent with you values? + +**Understand the critic’s motivation.** Are they projecting themselves in to the situation – their aspirations, their skill set, their propensity for risk, their values? Are they genuinely trying to protect you from any potential down-sides? Are they trying to maintain the status quo – for you, them or both? Are they masking their own lack of action? + +**Recognise that criticism is not balanced appraisal.** We have evolved to notice negative issues more readily than positive ones. We are more likely to notice criticism than encouragement: people working against us over people supporting us. Most people are actually indifferent to you and your life so get on and live it. + +**Realize that you’re going to be criticized no matter what you do.** Whether you become a billionaire, movie star, teacher, doctor, or sit on the couch all day, there is someone that will tell you that you’re doing the wrong thing. So, live your life building towards what you do want rather than what the critics don’t want. + +**Respond calmly.** Rather than giving your critics the pleasure of an emotional response, respond kindly with a considered response. Acknowledge any leaps of faith you are making. + +**Use your critics as motivation.** While some people are intimidated and deflated by the critics of the world, others are able to use the negative comments as a source of motivation. Remind yourself that while the critics are standing on the sidelines, you are on the pitch and playing the game. + +**Decide if they have something useful to say.** Some criticism may carry valid points – explore these with your critic and ask what their solution would be – the response differentiates between useful and harmful dialogue. If the criticism isn’t useful, move on. You have more important things to do. + +**Take criticism as a compliment.** Most people will leave you alone if you’re struggling or aren’t doing anything noteworthy. You only become a significant target of negative comments if you’re doing well. If you’re taking a lot of heat, you must be doing something correct! + +**Live your life without the need for the approval of others.** Live your own life, by your own values. Use your signature strengths to create meaning for you, value for others and legacy for the future in your chosen pursuit. + +I hope you took something useful from this piece; I have posted a further series of quick reads on my own little corner of Reddit – would be great to see you there.",Dealing with the Critics in Your Life,0 +1000,"Society expects us to have kids, house, nice car and a “successful” career to be “happy”. + +We’re brainwashed into following this “dream” right from school and put ourselves through great deal of stress pain and suffering. + +Unless you’re born into wealth you have to give your life away and work for someone else’s dream with the tales that one day you will have the same amount of wealth and along the way you’re reminded how far away you are and compare yourself to others that have just that bit more than you. + +You sacrifice your life, freedom, health, relationship all for some pocket change and a supposed wealth while others are milking from your sacrifice this making you feel like a failure, feeling like that dream is further and further away. + +It’s a mindset you need to teach yourself, a mindset where your head is clear and at every obstacle you need to tell yourself no matter what it is that you’ll be fine because LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT and then when your health suffers all of these aspirations and dreams do not matter. + +I’ve been incidentally diagnosed with cancer - was very lucky as they’ve cut it out fairly quickly, only 3 nights in hospital, painless procedure. I’ve won a lucky dip with life because it was nothing, but seeing people who care about me being so upset was a horrible experience. + +I wanted them to be happy and stop worrying because I’ve never thought much of myself then why would they? Because I am nothing, I am not worth anything, low self esteem, never had any aspirations, goals, only liked cars, wasn’t very social, couldn’t really talk to people and sat in my own head alot. + +Showing how much those close to me cared for me made me change. When I lay in hospital my head was clear, didn’t worry about work, buying a house, savings or career. Only my family mattered and that’s how I’ve learned this mindset and began adapting my life around it, got rid of as much finance as I could, paid off my phone, sold the BMW bought a cheap Fiat for cash. Financial freedom helped with not worrying about money. Began saving money for a deposit for my new house in the future. + +I keep reminding myself to enjoy the little things in life, going for a walk, going to a gym or even buying something fancy to eat here and there on my weekly shop, going restaurant and getting a carbonara or a new phone case. I’ve started eating healthy and looking after my health. I feel happy, proud of myself and I live week by week. + +Of course I am aware I am very lucky and not everyone has the same opportunities in life and do not wish to upset anyone by this post. I hope this helps someone to find their path in life.",I hope this makes you feel better,0 +1001," \*\*Content Warning\*\* - Sensitive/Sexual topics. As part of my Psychology degree at the University of Lincoln, I am carrying out research for my final dissertation project. If you are aged 18 years old or older and can read/write in English, I would appreciate it if you could take the time to complete my study, which will take about 20 minutes. This study is examining the influence of beliefs, personality traits, and desire on sexual fantasising. Gender will also be investigated as an influence. You should only take part if you feel comfortable with these topics, specifically sexual fantasy content. The brief in the study link will provide more information and details of what the study will involve (ethics approval code: 2022\_10295). Please note, if you are negatively affected by the questions/topics, you are free to withdraw from the study while participating by closing the browser. Please feel free to share this, along with the study link, to friends or group chats who you think may be interested in taking part. Your help would be very valuable. Thank you! + +[**https://unioflincoln.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_eXwS4nz1Z4SB3jo**](https://unioflincoln.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eXwS4nz1Z4SB3jo)","Investigating whether sexual fantasies are associated with personality, desire, and beliefs about one's own thoughts.",0 +1002,"Hi dear students in this group, + +I have designed a mobile app based on research that can help you focus on priorities instead of ""short-term"" distractions in a motivational way! + +Try it for free; you will never regret it! + +I need your help to use it and evaluate it in 4 weeks. Your participation is highly appreciated. + +https://surveys.dal.ca/opinio/s?s=71795 + +For more info, read the following Recruitment notice + +Study Title: Evaluation of a Persuasive Mobile Application for Prompting Time Management Behaviour  If you are a student (part-time or full-time) enrolled in a degree program in a higher education institution, 18 years or older, and able to access a smartphone device, you are invited to evaluate the effectiveness of a persuasive app. The app aims to persuade students to be more organized towards their tasks and study spaces.   + +First, you will be asked to give consent to do the study and respond to pre-survey questions (take 20-25 mins), which consist of demographics questions, questions of your preference for organization toward your tasks and study space, level of perceived ability to control your time, and stress level. After answering the pre-survey questions and providing your email address, you will see a link to the app. By clicking the link, you will be able to download the app on your device.   + +Second, you will use the app daily by adding your daily tasks and organizing them based on their importance/urgency, marking them as complete, and engaging in social community features over four weeks. The app will send you notifications to emphasize the benefits of adhering to organizational acts and encourage you to minimize physical clutter in order to create a better-organized study space.   + +At the end of the study, you will be asked to respond to the post-survey questions (take 20-25 mins), which is the same pre-survey question, including your experiences and perceived persuasiveness towards the app. The interview will be optional. There will be a question that asks you if you want to be interviewed, and by choosing “yes,” the researcher will communicate with you for an online interview which takes 15 mins. The interview will be audio recorded.   + +Your participation is highly appreciated and is completely voluntary. All data will be treated confidential and for research purposes only. You will not be asked for any personal information other than your email to connect the pre survey, post survey, and the app usage.   + +Compensation:   Participants will be entered into a prize draw to win an Amazon C$25.00 gift card (8 winners). + +If you face any difficulties downloading the app, please contact Mona Alhasani (Mona.alhasani@dal.ca). If you know people that may be interested in taking part in the study, please, send the link to them.   + +This research study is being conducted by researchers at Dalhousie University,   Ms. Mona Alhasani – Lead researcher Dr. Rita Orji – Supervisor + +To participate in the study, please click on the link: https://surveys.dal.ca/opinio/s?s=71795",Looking for participants to use a mobile app designed for students,0 +1003,When I get very stressed/nervous my hands go ice cold. How do you make this better?,Hands Turning Cold,0 +1004,"Hey Reddit, + +This is my first post so bare with me - but I'm lost and I can no longer see the light in life. I've been working a crap job for the past two and a half years where I've been overworked. On top of that, my team is beyond toxic and our VP has caused so many issues to the point half of the team left, and the ones who remain are hanging on a thread to the point some are going on stress leave. + +I feel stuck. I'm dealing with issues personally, at home, and at work. + +I keep applying to jobs but nothing comes out of it. I've done so many interviews and made it through to the final round only to be told I was a strong candidate but they went ahead with someone else. + +I feel lost and hopeless. I battled so much in my life and got through severe depression in my teens to early twenties and what kept pushing me then was the fact that I thought I'd create something out of myself. I thought my future would be better. But it's not. + +The days are getting harder and I'm not sure what to do or where to go or who to turn to. I feel heavy all the time. I'm a 28 year old loser who has a stagnant career and a toxic job, no relationships, nothing. I'm losing hope",I can't see the light anymore.,0 +1005,"Stress is an inevitable part of life. It can be caused by a variety of factors, such as work pressures, finances, relationships, and more. But learning how to manage stress effectively is essential for our well-being. In this article, we’ll explore the key elements of effective stress management so that you can start living a healthy and balanced life. + +[https://beautyaal.com/stress-management/](https://beautyaal.com/stress-management/)",Stress Management,0 +1006,"**P.s The whole essence of the problem is in the second paragraph, the first paragraph is about me** + + +I am 18 years old, I have a weak nervous system from birth, but a strong character, and because of three years of serious problems in life, the death of several close people, my nervous system has failed and I probably have chronic anxiety.**From below I will describe everything that I have tried, if you have something to say, I beg on my knees, help me** + + +I tried meditation for 40 minutes a day, breathing techniques and much more of this type - but I came to the conclusion that this is not a solution to the problem, but a group control of my mind +I have tried a very large number of different herbs, ashwagandha, sacred basil.Also, different supplements - taking longer than 1 month and zero results, at most it became a little easier, but it is almost imperceptible.Personally, I think that these herbs, supplements are mostly utter nonsense, which has a lot of side effects, stupid studies that were not conducted in real life or just made to promote the product +I tried using reishi mushroom, cbd oil from a proven brand, tried vaping and other ways of using and everything is even + + +Please do not recommend medications or any herbs of the ""kava"" type, which has a hundred side effects, it is better to die than to eat this shit.If you really know a ""magic supplement, herb or something else"" about which few people know and it HELPED YOU OR YOUR FRIEND, ACQUAINTANCE - tell it to me please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please + +**Do not think that I am the type of people who have tried 1 product and immediately gave up, I am a person who ALWAYS GOES TO the END and will never accept defeat.I really spent a hundred hours analyzing this topic for the most part, and 99% of all the information is just a stinky slag bitch and it's impossible to fucking find adequate information.I searched in YouTube in different languages, also in Google itself for different queries in different languages, on Twitter and Facebook and found nothing working.If you have read this mini-post, thank you so much for at least thinking about the possible help to a stranger.All the best to you!!!!!!!**",I ask you from the bottom of my heart to help me.......,0 +1007,"I’ll try to cut my story short in hope of someone out there being able to help me and guide me as I feel like I can no longer continue living with this feeling. + +A general idea about myself is that I am a 22 yrs old medical student. I usually stress and worry a lot about medical school and my examinations, regardless of the fact that I score the highest amongst my batch. + +My story starts the summer of 2021 where I met a girl that goes to the same medical school as I do. Half way through the relationship problems start to arise between the two of us and I didn’t think anything of them as all relationships have their ups and downs. At this time, my partner began to say bad and mean things to me when we fought which initially didn’t affect me as I knew it was because of her being angry (she also reassured me after the fight resolves that she didn’t mean it). This started to escalate in which the problems became more frequent and almost every time I’ve had hurtful things being said to me. This progressively increased till the summer of 2022 (~11 months past for our relationship) which was the same summer in which I would take my Step 1 exam (a really important, exhausting and dreadful exam). At this point I used to always worry about our future and if were are even compatible, I used to have a weird heart clenching feeling that is filled with worry and anxiety, I also used to wake up from sleep several times with my heart racing or wake up before my alarm with the thought of our relationship overwhelming. We had a fight around 3 weeks before my exam which was my last straw and I communicated to my partner at that time that I want to end things as I felt I should communicate to her my true feelings that I no longer feel like I can continue in this relationship or think we have a future together (the things that were said to me where the worse out of all fights). She was devastated, cried and begged for me to give her another chance as she will change herself. I was heistant but decided to give her a chance, it worked out for the first few days but then the same heart clenching weird anxious feeling returned. I tried to battle it and not disclose it to her, but eventually I couldn’t hide it anymore and told her I couldn’t accept and give her another chance (around ~4 days before my exam). The whole 4 days and holiday after the exam was devastating I was really sad and down. With time, I used to distract myself and go out with friends (I don’t drink) almost every other day which helped me try to forget the whole situation. + +Keep in mind that I’ve got several messages from my ex weeks after the breakup about how I was wrong and that she would never forgive me and other prayers. Similarly over the last couple of months (it’s been 6 months since our breakup) I’ve been getting tiktok reposts from her account of videos taking about injustice and how sad/devastated she was which always made me feel very guilty as I was the reason for her current feelings. Similarly, it made me self-conscious about my decisions and doubt my feelings as she claims I never loved her and if I did I would never leave her. + +Fast forward to the last month (5 months since breakup) where I finally approached a girl in my class that was always getting my attention and I couldn’t lay my eyes off her. In the first 3 days (through text), I was very happy and excited to get to know her. Three days later (which was also when the new school year started and the week of my important sport tournament) I started to have this same tiring, coruscating and exhaustive heart clenching feeling as if there is something I am worrying about. It started to increase progressively and I’ve always tried to forget it and keep it in the back of my head,, but it has been really taking a toll on me as I almost wake up everyday with this feeling and it stays throughout the day. Keeping in mind that throughout this period we’ve grown really close and she seems to really care about me. I have this feeling in the background around 60% of the day, 20% is me being distracted by work and friends and the remainder 20% consist of me actually overthinking and worrying. I really don’t understand why is this happening: + a. Am I feeling guilty that I am meeting a new person? + b. Am I worrying that this new relationship may end like the previous one? + c. Am I scarred and no longer can commit to a relationship? + d. Why is the same feeling (but less intensity) that I was having before I left my ex happening again???? + e. Is the person not compatible for me and I am still seeking my ex? + f. Did I still not move on from my previous relationship (prior to the new girl I was certain that I did move on and had 0 feelings, but I brought it up now because I have no idea what is the reason for this feeling) + +Any input can help me understand this feeling that is taking a huge toll on me. + + +This is a previous post of what I felt with my ex that I posted 200d ago: + +https://www.reddit.com/r/step1/comments/w5ypbm/morning_anxiety_life_and_relationships/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf",Anxiety? Stress? Guilt? Scarred?,0 +1008,"Thinking Bout seeing the doc just to get myself checked out. Could be old age or poor lifestyle habits but i recently had a panic(?) stress moment that lasted for at least 5minutes until a problem was solved + +Background info: only experienced 2-3 occurrences where i found my legs specifically shaking due to nervousness. These experiences are spread very very far apart. 1st time over 10yrs ago fairly minor was just nervous about a new environment & people. + +2nd time was last june 2022 was falling behind online class, thought i couldn’t get set up this program until teacher helped lol and i think this was the main cause of stress (fear of being unable to catch up? Lost?) also deep slow breathing didn’t work here. How to manage lmao + +Most recent was few days ago, no leg shaking but just like the 2nd time can’t really think straight, brain wasn’t calming down even though i was breathing normally. Again it was a school related thing, had an IT issue i couldn’t fix, couldnt login to join lecture that was ongoing at the time. Feared missing out important content until i remembered i can watch the recording later but didn’t really get rid of that unpleasant rushed feeling and anxiousness that i need to get this login resolved. Only until i got connected with the school IT helpdesk that i felt completely fine again + +I seldom get nervous in job interviews but what is this??? Not sure why my body reacting like this if it’s just fear of falling behind/missing out + +Pretty sure there’s a correlation between 2 & 3 +Any insights? :(",Whats my cause of stress?,0 +1009,"&#x200B; + +1. **Take breaks:** Make sure to take regular breaks throughout the day to help you relax and recharge. +2. **Prioritize tasks:** Focus on the most important tasks and break them down into smaller, manageable tasks. +3. **Practice self-care:** Take care of your physical and mental health by getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating well. +4. **Seek support:** Talk to friends, family, or colleagues about your stress or consider seeking professional help. +5. **Practice mindfulness:** Take a few moments to focus on your breathing or meditate to help reduce stress and increase focus. + +***Remember that managing work stress is a process, so be patient and kind to yourself as you find what works best for you.*** + +&#x200B; + +**Have any other in mind? Do share your views in the comment section below.**",Here are some tips for coping with work stress,0 +1010,"I went to bed early last night to try to get a good nights sleep, but didn’t sleep AT ALL. Tossed and turned and heart was racing for like 9 hours in bed. Now I’m up and just ready to get these over with and put them behind me. I hate college, it makes my anxiety SO BAD. Looking into getting accommodations but it’s too late for these two exams -_- Wish I could just calm down and be “normal” and do my best…the crippling anxiety makes me perform worse.",Headed into my first two exams of the semester and I’ve been panicking for hours,0 +1011,"Before anyone asks, no, the problem is not coming from my supervisor. He’s kind, willing to help and available for me. + +If you ask me I wouldn’t even say that I feel stressed before the meetings, in the sense that I’m not overthinking, I’m not having this bowl of stress in my belly that one could have facing pressure. + +Yet I don’t know why, systematically, 10-5 minutes before the meeting, I go to the toilet and I throw up everything I have, even if I had a light breakfast before. I really don’t know what can I do to stop this because it doesn’t feel like the problem is coming from me. It feels like I have no other choice but to throw up. + +Obviously it’s linked to the fact that I’m going to apply to a PhD and the fact that he’s a very knowledgeable man in his field, and there’s probably a bit of impostor syndrome playing. But what’s worrying me is the fact that of all the 10-12 meetings we had so far, I systematically throw up. I’ve had other meetings with other supervisors when I was a research assistant for instance and it didn’t happen probably because the stakes are lower. What can I do to feel better ?",I systematically throw up before having a Zoom meeting with my soon-to-be PHD supervisor,0 +1012," + +Desk toys are the perfect way to relieve stress during a tough day at work. From fidget cubes to kinetic sand, there are endless options when it comes to desk toys that can provide a break from the monotony of office life and make it easier to stay focused. + +Not only can these toys reduce stress levels but they can also help increase productivity by giving users something else to concentrate on. + +From desktop Zen gardens and mini trampolines, to spinners and wobbles, there is no shortage of desk toys designed specifically for stress relief. + +Many of these items come in fun shapes and sizes and even feature light-up features that make them feel like miniature works of art. + +Whether you're looking for an item that's just plain fun or something with calming properties, there's sure to be an office toy out there perfect for your stressful day.","""Desk Toys for Your Stressful Day!""",0 +1013,I'm still debating if I wanna try and learn to drive. I do wanna move one day and I know I can without a car but it might be easier with a car but I'd only be able to do daytime driving I'm sure. Idk if I'd be able to find a guy who likes me if I'm not driving though but I'm still independent without a car though. I'm probably thinking too much about it though. I really need to stop over thinking about shit but my mind just goes into overdrive at times,Over thinking about stuff,0 +1014,"Over the past few years - like most ppl - I’ve had a rough time with covid lockdown, plus then I was diagnosed with hiatal hernia, then divorce, and now financial pressures of single-handedly running a household. + +I was hoping to put this all behind me but last summer new symptoms started to appear: + ++ IBS / GERD (hiatal hernia) ++ Cardiac arrythmias (thousands a day) ++ Various skin complaints ++ Alopecia Barbae (beard patches) + +I’ve now had 9 months of all these symptoms and I’ve tried individual meds like beta blockers, PPI, tweaking diet, exercise with no luck… the docs say this is all because of going through a major life disruption and it’s due to underlying stress. The cardio and gerd stuff is so bad I’ve started avoiding stuff but I have CBT planned as a last resort treatment. Concerned the stress is permanently damaging my health. + +Anyone deal with anything similar? Go through a major event and suffer chronic stress? Any of these symptoms? Did they resolve after a time? + +How do you treat underlying, chronic stress?",Chronic stress symptoms,0 +1015,[https://afitindian.com/anxiety-disorders-causes-symptoms-and-solutions/](https://afitindian.com/anxiety-disorders-causes-symptoms-and-solutions/),This article has been really helpful on anxiety disorders and how to control an episode,0 +1016,"Does your stress cause anxiety? +Every morning my muscles are all tense and I have a tension headache - especially after a stressful previous day. + +By the evening this has almost gone, probably at 10/20% of what it was in the morning and then in the morning it just resets back! Doing my suede in! + +Any advice?",Does your stress cause anxiety?,0 +1017,"How on earth do I stop utilizing food for comfort? This past year is the first time I've had a very unhealthy relationship with food (had my second child and have been nursing her. I'm a sahm with a 3 and 1 year old). All I can think about is food and eating. I'm constantly ""snacking"" and I'm always eating really bad and unhealthy options. I sometimes get healthier options but something in my brain just won't go for those in the moment and I truly feel I can't control it(I know I can and should be able to but I guess my willpower sucks). I'm so sick of starting and restarting my health journey every day because I can't keep from overeating to an insane level. It's truly becoming embarrassing and I have so much shame. + +I also have issues with hair pulling. I'll sit and pull my hair out one strand at a time anytime I'm idle. I'm well into it before I even realize how long I've done it. I've had this issue on and off since college. + +I've spoken about both of these issues with my therapist this past week and all she really told me was to find a sort of ""fidget"" to use when I'm idle to keep from the hair pulling. She gave me no advice on my food issues so I hoping to continue pushing that at the next session. Any advice or help would be so much appreciated, especially if anyone has experienced the same issues.",food and hair pulling,0 +1018,"In my work as a hypnotherapist most of my clients are mature adults experiencing issues rooted in anger, anxiety, depression - or a mixture of these. Often, they are wondering if their present issues are linked to their childhood experiences. More often than not, the answer is yes. + +Research carried out since the end of the last century has led to a greater understanding of how adverse childhood experiences impact on long term wellbeing – both physical and psychological. The key findings are: + +· Childhood trauma is very common: even in so-called well-to-do areas. + +· There is a direct link between childhood trauma and chronic disease in adulthood. + +· The more types of trauma a child experiences, the greater the risk of them of experiencing social and emotional problems as adults. + +· Those who experience childhood trauma often experience more than one type of trauma. + +You can calculate your own ACEs score by responding to the following questions. Give yourself 1 point for each question where you experienced that category of trauma before your eighteenth birthday. + +1. Emotional abuse: Did a parent or other adult often or very often insult, demean, belittle, humiliate, verbally assault, or threaten to physically assault You? + +2. Physical abuse: Did a parent or other adult often or very often grab, slap, push, or hit You? + +3. Sexual abuse: Did a parent, adult, or someone at least five years older than you ever touch your body in a sexual way or attempt or have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with You? + +4. Emotional neglect: Did You often or very often feel that no one in your family loved you or thought you were important; or your family did not look out for each other, feel close to each other, and support each other? + +5. Physical neglect: Did You often not have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, had no one to attend to your medical and dental needs, or had no one to protect you? + +6. Loss of parent: Were your parents separated or divorced, or did you lose a parent for any reason? + +7. Domestic violence: Did You often or very often witness or hear violence between your parents or other adults where someone was being grabbed, shoved, slapped, hit, kicked, had something thrown a them, sexually attacked, or threatened with a weapon? + +8. Family member with addiction: Did You live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, who used illicit drugs, or who was addicted to any other substances? + +9. Family member with depression/mental illness: Did you live with anyone who was depressed or mentally ill, attempted or committed self-harm and/or suicide, or hospitalized for mental illness? + +10. Family member incarcerated: Did you live with anyone who went to prison? + +ACES Score (0-10) = + +As ACE scores increase, so does the risk of disease, social and emotional problems. With an ACE score of four or more, things start getting serious. While studies in different locations return slightly different results, the figures suggest around 11% of the population have experienced four or more adverse childhood experiences. + +Fortunately, brains and lives are somewhat plastic. Resilience research shows that the appropriate integration of resilience factors — such as asking for help, developing trusting relationships, forming a positive attitude, listening to feelings — can help people improve their lives. Research in to post traumatic growth has identified five broad areas of growth: + +· greater appreciation of life, + +· closer relationships with others, + +· increased personal strength, + +· new possibilities in life, and + +· spiritual “development + +Which correlate very closely with the dimensions of wellbeing psychology: + +· Positive emotions + +· Positive engagement + +· Positive relationships + +· Positive meaning + +· Positive accomplishments + +· Positive health","If you’re wondering whether adverse childhood experiences are negatively impacting you as an adult, you probably already know the answer.",0 +1019,"Countless studies show that spending even just a few minutes in nature helps reduce stress and speeds up recovery time. What is a way you spend time in nature? If you don’t, why not? (Mobility issues, live in a big city, time, etc)",How do u nature?,0 +1020,I’ve noticed I tend to get blubby when I go through long periods of constant stress. There’s no change to my diet or exercise yet I look visibly fatter. Can stress be causing this?,Can stress cause weight gain?,0 +1021,"I'm moving interstate in 2 weeks, have had a lot happen in my life over the past 4 months, zero support where I currently live and I'm under extreme stress that's destroyed my appetite completely. I eat maybe a few bites of food most days, rarely eating a proper meal. I'm not even doing my usual stress binge eating, nor are my chocolate cravings there. I just feel full or sick every time I try eat. I'm losing weight rapidly that I can't afford to lose (I'm very short and already had a small frame so even just 3kg is a huge loss for me, anymore and I'll look like a ghost) + +Most of my stressors will leave me when the move itself happens and I'm seeing a new therapist as well then, one better equipped to help me. + +I just need help with eating in the meantime. I can barely stomach anything, when I do try eat a meal, I'm done after a few bites. I have very little control at the moment and I want to do right to my body to reduce the impact of this stress. All I can really control are food, making sure I take my medication and get some extra sleep. I just need help or advice with the food part. Again, it's just until I move and I have a support network and control over my life again.",Help with appetite under extreme acute stress,0 +1022,Is it normal for your behaviour to become more erratic when you're stressed? I feel like I'm acting very differently because I'm stressed and just don't give a shit anymore.,Behaviour become more erratic?,0 +1023,I'm working on a project and would really appreciate your input. If you can help please link to short survey. 5 or so questions here: [Survey](https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/iac7KpqbNRKw8AHExtjc),Help w Project I'm Working on To Help People Alleviate Stress and Pain: Your Feelings & Viewpoint,0 +1024,"So basically last year humped me. So much happened that I have been left with symptoms of post traumatic stress. Anyway I left my job to start this year fresh and hopefully not get bullied like last year. I have been losing weight, eating healthier, going to the gym and have never felt better. Two weeks of finally feeling like a human again and tonight I was going to go to the cinema to realise my car has broke. I know it sounds silly but I can’t catch a break.",Every time things start to get better something bad happens.,0 +1025,"Parenting is TOUGH. Kids are STRESSED. Looking for helpful tips? We are looking for children between the ages of 8 and 13 years old and their parents to participate in a study.  We will suggest some small behavioral changes that we think will help your child manage stress. You will be paid $40 for your time! +  +The study consists of either one or two (depending on group assignment) virtual study visits (~30-60 min) via a Zoom call with a member of our study team. We will suggest some small, simple changes to common behaviors for both you and your child to make over the next 4 weeks that we think will help your child manage stress. We will also ask you to fill out some online surveys. At the end of the study, you will receive a $40 Amazon gift card and we will send you a report form with your child’s mental health symptom scores! + +To find out more and to see if you are eligible, click on the following link: +https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6L4TvqQ2oWG4X8a + +Or call or email us today for more information! +Phone: (850)-629-8525 +Email: abhc.newhart@gmail.com",Psychology lab at Florida State University looking for parents and kids!,0 +1026,"Do you get anxious in social situations? You may be eligible to participate in an in-person study conducted by the Anxiety, Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. + +Eligible participants with Social Anxiety Disorder will be randomized to a 3-week intervention of cannabidiol (CBD) or placebo. Participation in this study requires 6 study visits over a month-long period, including several blood tests and an fMRI neuroimaging scan. Eligible participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are located in NYC, a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-45, and are interested in this study, please complete the prescreen survey here: [https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN).",Subjects needed for a study on CBD and Social Anxiety,0 +1027,"Do you worry a lot? You may be eligible to participate in a study conducted by the Anxiety, Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. Eligible participants with Generalized Anxiety Disorder will be randomized to an 8-week group intervention of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) or stress education classes. Participation in this study requires 10 study visits over 13-14 weeks plus one 3-month follow up assessment as well as 8 or 9 MBSR or stress education classes. Participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-50, and are interested in this study, please fill out the following form: + +[https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=8JTAHRDHYM](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=8JTAHRDHYM)",Subjects needed for a study on treatment of Anxiety,0 +1028,My online best friend has countlessly mentioned wanting to kill herself mainly because her mom and grandma fight constantly every day outside of her room but also some stress she has about getting a job and things like that. This has also led to her getting sick ALL the time. She says she feels like a burden to her family. I dont know what to do about it or how to help her. I can't visit her yet either. I've talked to her about it and asked her to call a hotline but she doesn't want to. I say I'm always here for her time and time again and how much I love and appreciate her and she even responds saying how much she loves and is so grateful for me coming into her life but she won't change her mind. I NEED HELP!!,My online international friend wants to kill herself and I dont know what to do for her,0 +1029,,when was the last time you spent ~20 minutes behind your desk without getting anything done?,0 +1030,"i feel like i have so much going on right now :/ i’m not going to get into details but a lot of pressure from family and stress school wise. i’m feeling the heat from being in grade 12 and man it’s terrible. my head feels stuffed with stressors and problems. how can i sort through them and work through each problem? (ie, bad grades, post secondary, etc)",my mind is too busy,0 +1031,"Due to stress I am getting horrific muscle pains from tension, is there anyone out there who experiences the same thing? It’s predominantly my back, shoulders and neck 😓 + +All day today I’ve had a tension headache too with a sick and dizzy feeling 😭 + +For the last week I have been taking magnesium, vitamin D (due to slight deficiency), ashwagandha & vitamin B12.",Tension muscle pain,0 +1032,,"feeling so stressed, wat do i do",0 +1033,"I'm getting married in a month. I'm 37 and my parents and sister were pressing me to have a big wedding but I've never wanted a big one. More so, my fiancé doesn't want a big wedding either. We decided to have an immediate wedding ceremony then dinner right after. Since then my mom, dad and sister are giving me grief about our vision for a wedding. My sister keeps telling me that our ideas are stupid. I currently have an eye stye in my right eye and my left eye is twitching like boiling water. This morning I noticed that my left leg is also twitching. Any remedies to get rid of both would he helpful. + +I do not drink, smoke or drink caffeine.",Eye Twitching - Help needed,0 +1034,,"i feel like time is going way too fast, im 15 year old. im not kidding about this but everytime i don't look at the clock 7 minutes pass, its almost like having a condition",0 +1035,"Hi, I’m looking for participant to take part in my final year project at university. This study aims to identify and analyse 5 predictors of test anxiety (Continues Partial Attention, Self-Esteem, Inhibition, Updating and Switching) to expand on the understanding of test anxiety and better improve the wellbeing and academic achievement of students. + +This study does not work through a phone or safari so you will need a laptop/ computer and google chrome/ Firefox for it to work. + +The study will involve 3 short questionnaires measuring Test Anxiety, Continues Partial Attention and Self-Esteem. And 3 cognitive tasks to measure Inhibition, Updating and Switching. This study is expected to take between 25 - 30 minutes to complete. + +If you are under the age of 18 or colour-blind you are unable to take part in this study. +You will need access to a computer or laptop to run this study. + +If you are interested in participation and would like more information about this study, please follow the link. + +[https://sunduni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_eu2OxU64QxLI76S](https://sunduni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eu2OxU64QxLI76S?fbclid=IwAR23u41H3Eb7m3JGnON34teN0F66TvWWlBihc3IxQjUyNSlIlsJFZWsNJcg)",Participants needed,0 +1036,,"could someone help me? i have a problem w sleeping and i keep sleeping very very late and i want to try methods that would help me adjust my sleeping schedule, but nothings working and i am worried and stressed out. any tips and tricks?",0 +1037,"When I’m super stressed and I don’t know where my life is headed, work sucks, am unhappy with my looks, have no prospects, etc, I cry. + +I was wondering if other women do this too? Do guys do this? Or is it a female thing because of our hormones maybe?",Is crying when stressed a female thing?,0 +1038,"Hello all. + +I have been on sick leave from work for 3 months now. +Tomorrow I’m starting slowly again. 3 hours. + +Throughout all January I have had this persistent restlessness. I have been sleeping 4-6 hours every night, woken up, and slept again for 2-4 hours. Getting up at noon. The past two weeks I have tried to get up at 8, to match my work schedule. Now I only sleep 6 hours and stay in bed trying to get in the last two hours. +It worries me that I’m still not sleeping through a full night. +I’m not sure if it’s stress or my hiatal hernia or my chronic neck pain that wakes me up. But I wake up rather abruptly. So I’m guessing stress. Sometimes I wake up with racing heart. + +Speaking of racing heart - I started to get that randomly racing heart throughout the day. I wonder if it’s because I’m starting work and I’m nervous about it. I have social anxiety and I’m trying to fit into this new “me first” mindset. I’m a big people pleaser, but I have had to break with that habit now. Also I keep getting chest pain, I’m not sure if it’s my hiatal hernia or if it’s stress. + +Idk what to do. I’m feeling uneasy about not feeling better than I am after 3 months.","Sleeping 6 hours, heart Racing and chest pain",0 +1039,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +I am a sports student and writing a paper about the positive influence of breath work on stress / burnout. + +You would do me a tremendous favor if you can take part in my very short survey. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8](https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8) + +Due to low response rate we decided to raffle 50 USD among all participants. Raffle will be on Wednesday. + +Cheers, Christian",50 USD amazon voucher for 2min survey (student project),0 +1040,"I have this nasty habbit for 9 years... Picking my face, back. Of course I undeestad that it is bad, but still doing this ""routine"".And it has its consequences: the scars, red spots, even more agressive psoriasis... + I had some success stories of not picking, but lasted 1 month maximum. +I believe that it is like addiction.",Can anybody relate to skin picking?,0 +1041,Stress and anxiety has made me successful in the things that I do. But I’m also worried I may be stressing too much. Any advice on how I can get rid of stress even though I feel like I need it?,I feel like I can’t get rid of stress because it has benefitted me my whole life.,0 +1042,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +I am a sports student and writing a paper about the positive influence of breath work on stress / burnout. + +You would do me a tremendous favor if you can take part in my very short survey. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8](https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8) + +Due to low response rate we decided to raffle 20 Euros among all participants. + +How to qualify + +\- Take part in survey + +\- Send me a DM with your e-mail and write me what is the last question in the survey + +\- Tomorrow we raffle the winner. + +Cheers, Christian",Short Survey for Student Project - Take part and get 20USD amazon voucher (takes 2mins),0 +1043,[Make Your Own Stress Balls - How To Guide](https://www.motherofgrom.com/post/make-your-own-stress-balls-how-to-guide),Make Your Own Stress Balls - How To Guide,0 +1044,"Hello community, + +I hope this post is allowed. + +I am a sports student and writing a paper about the positive influence of breath work on stress / burnout. + +You would do me a tremendous favor if you can take part in my very short survey. + +Thanks a lot in advance! All your data will stay anonymous! No email or so required. + +[https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8](https://forms.gle/Kzsk2NReccScwHPK8) + +&#x200B; + +Cheers, Christian",Short Survey for Student Project - Please support,0 +1045,"I was just doing my homework as usual, nothing was on my mind it was actually just blank. And suddenly I start looking through my notes, specifically at all the marked out words and suddenly getting frustrated. But still, I wasn't thinking anything, mind blank. So unexpectedly I start stabbing my notebook and my pen breaks and then I start crying and hyperventilating, again, I have no idea what's happening or why I am crying. A few minutes after I stop and get back to normal, mind is still empty and I'm confused now and scared of myself, why would I do that. Yes, I am really stressed right now because of exams but I didn't know I would be stabbing a damn notebook for no reason. Can someone help me out? What could this be?",Please help me..,0 +1046,"Over the past month or so things in my life have gotten crazy - in so many facets. + +My grandma got diagnosed w cancer, my mom is having sudden alarming blood pressure issues, I'm in my last semester of college, working 30 hours per week, I just got a job offer for after graduation, rent is increasing, and more - all within this month. + +My average resting heart rate has increased almost 20 bpm. My usual RHR is around 60-65 and for the past week or so it's been sitting around 80-85. Yesterday in particular my heart rate got all the way up to 180 while walking to class (what would normally only bring it to around 120-130 or so). I just don't know what to do to get my stress levels down, and in return, my RHR.",High RHR due to Stress,0 +1047,"Hi I am always nervous, I don't know how to describe like having butterflies on the stomach all the time and always on alert state. I keep making mistakes because of the alert state, after I make a simple mistake I get angry about myself and feel guilty, I cannot find a safe place to feel at peace even at home, my brain cannot stop thinking. How can I handle this? Thank you",Is this stress or mental health issues?,0 +1048,"One of the most satisfying things about being a therapist is watching clients build their lives on their terms by applying the content and capabilities they're learning and developing. + +Just recently, I wrote a comprehensive case study giving a fly on the wall account of what it is really like to work with a modern, third generation hypnotherapist. + +[http://permahypnotherapy-25599865.hubspotpagebuilder.eu/break-free-0-0](http://permahypnotherapy-25599865.hubspotpagebuilder.eu/break-free-0-0) + +It's packed full of insight, hints, tips and, for now, it is free to download.",we're all a work in progress,0 +1049,"Last year alone . I stressed a lot . I actually told myself I’m so stressed . I feel like I could die from this level of stress . Well it almost got me . + +Start of last year . +- stress induced stomach ulcer + +4 months later +- stress induced IBS + +6 months later +- started grinding my teeth + +8 months later +- teeth grinding now caused tinnitus , ear pain , jaw pain . + +So because of stress I have facial pain , stomach pain , intestines issues , worn teeth and worst of all 24/7 tinnitus and ear pain . + +Stress is no joke . Look after yourself",How stress alone has potentially ruined my physical health .,0 +1050,"I’ve been super stressed and anxious lately because of a lot of stressors at home plus feeling like I have no one to share them with. My family has been going through insane amount of financial issues and debts so I don’t know if this is a cause // effect. + +In the past 5 months I’ve diagnosed myself with all types of cancers ( because I had blood in my stool due to hemmoroids ) I’ve had swollen nodes in my neck etc. + +My body has acted out in all kinds of ways over the past few months and I’ve been visiting all doctors where nothing major has been diagnosed but I can’t stop worrying. I had got my blood work done 3 months ago and it was all good, now with the body pain I feel like getting it again because I feel like some new cancer mah have developed. + +The past week has been literal hell where my muscles are constantly extremely aching. My legs have been so sore, I wake up every night from 2 AM to 5 AM with leg // stomach pain and anxiety attacks plus my guts have been churning and I’m constantly worrying about things. + +Has anyone else got these symptoms weird anxiety symptoms ? Sometimes I don’t even realise that I’m clenching my leg muscles they ache so much. + +Sorry for freaking out and posting about all of this. I’ll appreciate some good vibes / validation + +I’m 29/F",Does anyone else get sore aching legs and body pain from being in a constant state of worry and stress,0 +1051,,I'm doing my best to overcome my stress ful life as much as I can I do the things to protect my mental peace. But after doing all of this I don't know why Not helping me..i tired now what to do ? will i ever get out of this? What to do????,0 +1052,,What are some of your coping mechanisms?,0 +1053,"The tension I get is so bad. I can feel it in my neck and my head. Tension headaches like crazy. The tension makes me feel foggy and almost disassociated. I've started having migraines too. 39 years old without ever having them until this past year. Really need to get a grip on my stress because it's so awful trying to live life while feeling this way. I've tried meditation, stretches, heat therapy. It does help but I can't just address my stress when it surfaces. I have to figure out how to keep it under control during normal life so as to avoid getting to this point.",Stress and anxiety are no joke,0 +1054,If you haven’t seen my previous post then I suggest you go look at it but I broke up with my girlfriend today and it felt like a whole mountain of stress and anxiety fell off my shoulders 😌😌,UPDATE,0 +1055,As by the title yes I may need to see a therapist soon for what reason you might ask well here a little background so me and my girlfriend have been dating a whole 9 months her birthday is tomorrow and Valentine’s Day is literally right around the corner and I’m trying to focus on school and she’s clingy as hell which means I barely get to have my own personal space somedays I don’t even get to handout with the boys because of her and school not to mention I’ve got crap tons of homework everyday that I do and don’t do mainly because I stay up playing video games thinking on how I can be a better boyfriend to her and I’ve even gone some nights not eating and overall I’ve just got a shit ton of stress and I feel like shit every day and it’s hell 😭😭😭,It’s not gonna be long before I have see a therapist,0 +1056,"TLDR : 3 questions at end regarding how to not care to disappoint when team and boss have seen my abilities. Boss has high aspirations for me this year or which if I fulfill I’m going to stretch myself so thin that I will leave or go into depression. + + +I was given a rather good yearly review, and well incentivized, but I am currently stressed, and trying to figure out how to have less responsibilities, when it’s desired I have more. This is above and beyond the rest of my team. + +Boss sees my “potential” and not only wants it to continue, but also have me lead more, be more of a driver and influencer, and upgrade my knowledge, cross-team visibility. All of which I do not want. Taking on any more work feels like I’m going to “pop” and I’m already near / at burnout. + +I hate disappointing and failing (why I try harder than others on my team; and also why I’m hate being in this position I am right now) but I’m at my max currently near / in burnout, thinking or ways to get out. My mindset is that I’d rather quit a 6fig job and go elsewhere / take a break than disappoint and fail someone whom believes in me so wholeheartedly, and knows how fast I can operate. + +Sadly I’ve “shown my hand” this past year of what I’m capable of, but it’s unsustainable for my stress levels, needed downtime, and resetting ability. And more is desired. I’ve mentioned already to the boss that I’m burning the candle at both ends, but it’s only been sprinkled throughout the year. I also hate that I would them regret providing a large optional incentivized reward. Additionally if I fail it’s most likely no more of that and I would just be considered “middle of the road”. I’m OK with that if someone didn’t know my abilities, but again I have pushed past 120% capacity many times for tight deadlines and to get things done. + +- How do I change my mindset to not care about disappointing +- What, if anything, do I tell boss? I feel I need to drop hints that this is too much and if I’m dead it does no one good. ( absolutely sucks feeling capable but also having a hapicapied weakness of stress leading to depression.) +- What would you do if you were me with these concerns, and yet burned out?",[Question] Burned out but boss loves my ability and will continue to incentivize if I do more,0 +1057,"Hi everyone, may I please invite you to answer a poll? + +If there is anything you would want to be better at what would it be? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10n8jpe)",Stress Management,0 +1058,"I get awful tummy problems when I’m stressed, to the point where it’s hard to eat properly. How do you guys deal with this? I’ve had quite a run of stress lately, and as a side effect I haven’t been eating enough",Dealing with stress related gastric problems,0 +1059,"In an effort to support each other here... + +Open discussion: What is the hardest part about dealing with stress? Share what you are going through. I'm sure it will help me too and I'd feel that I am not alone. I'll go first - My relationships are taking the backseat. My children suffer too.",Hardest part about dealing with stress,0 +1060," + +Are you feeling overwhelmed by the stress and anxiety of everyday life? You're not alone. Worry, stress, and anxiety can often come from daily tasks that are out of our control or from a lack of focus on self-care. Thankfully, there is an easy solution: best gummies for stress and anxiety! + +Gummies infused with calming herbs such as chamomile, lavender, and passionflower have been shown to reduce levels of worry and promote relaxation. + +They are also low in calories and free from artificial ingredients making them a great choice if you're looking for an all-natural way to chill out. + +Additionally, gummies can be taken anywhere at any time making them extremely convenient when it comes to managing your mental health on the go.","""Reduce Worry and Chill Out – The Best Gummies for You""",0 +1061,"Nobody listens to the words I say +Only pipe up when I have to pay +Everyone talks over me +Then I get asked why I'm not acting like me + +Only care when I'm acting recluse +Not caring when I feel like no use +Not speaking up when I feel out of place +Only making me feel like a waste of space + +I know this is too much to handle +But I feel like I must be like a candle +Melt away all the excess waste +Find a smile to put on the new face + +credit to Twitter / @onlyhumans65",Nobody listens,0 +1062,"Please help I beg … + +I have a huge problem trying to sleep + +I hate dreaming and the thought of dreaming or just realizing I’m in a different reality of the world sometimes it makes me not want to sleep or I don’t be able to sleep I want to break out of this mindset but I don’t know where to start everyone suggests me therapist but they always make me try to pay something when I simply just want answers and it’s frustrating cause I’m 17 going through this and everyone is trying to use me as a piggy bank instead of helping me become better",Please help me I beg,0 +1063,"Hi everyone! I am doing a small research survey (2 minutes) on how some mobile games can cause us to be a little too stressed - specifically looking for female players ages 25-55 from North America like myself. If you identify as a female, I would REALLY appreciate it so much if you can answer a few quick survey questions (it is completely anonymous) [https://forms.gle/YEFNqpg6YXF1UmH17](https://forms.gle/YEFNqpg6YXF1UmH17?fbclid=IwAR2m2DbjLP3-MrUYY9t7I2ghUN6077y-fMFOOELnW7mA8ctvNhV1Xuu62l0)",Small Survey on mobile games and stress,0 +1064,"Okay, so how do you fellow working citizens deal with stress? I just started a new job and the perfectionist in me is so nervous. I know i’m just starting but I literally want to blow my brains out because of how fucking dumb I can be with it sometimes. (Not literally but just like if I wasn’t so nervous my stupid brain would actually function better. Just agg) + + +Ughh I know I know. +Practice makes perfect but like…. What the fuck man. + + +I’m so scared I will fail and tarnish the company name and get fired for being a dumbass.",Stress Management,0 +1065,"Stress is present in everyone's life. This is unavoidable. What we can change is how we deal with it. And sometimes, all we need is to know how to relieve stress quickly, before it does damage to us or our loved ones. So, simple and quick ways for you to relieve your stress. They are suitable for any situation: whether at work, in studies, at home, in a day-to-day situation or in something more punctual. Good reading! Chat",no stress,0 +1066,"Are you between the ages of 18-45 years old and want to participate in psychological research? + +I would like to invite you to take part in a multi-part research study investigating the effects of past life experiences on stress related factors; such as daily stress, ability to regulate emotions and sleep. To understand these relationships in the context of other important social, and psychological, factors such as social support and suicide behaviour history. To research this, we will ask you to complete a series of surveys across one week. This includes one initial 15 minute survey and then two 2 minute surveys per day for a 7 day period. Participants will have the chance to win Flexi eGift cards. + +If you would like to take part please click the link below: + +[https://leedspsychology.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_2sMaT1sKkyiQMlw?fbclid=IwAR31YrKJVSdEoXA4WMXqMKomHSmb7F1zgFySUHx-1KSPqUK\_yhi77MRJc04](https://leedspsychology.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2sMaT1sKkyiQMlw?fbclid=IwAR31YrKJVSdEoXA4WMXqMKomHSmb7F1zgFySUHx-1KSPqUK_yhi77MRJc04) + +\*\*\*PLEASE ensure at the end of the survey that you submit your telephone number as you will not be able to proceed with the study. + +All research has been assessed and approved by the University of Leeds School of Psychology Ethics Committee. Reference number: PSYC-692, Date of approval: 07/12/2022.",Investigating the effects of early life experiences on stress related factors in adulthood,0 +1067,"I don’t know if it’s stress related. I do not consciously know if I am under a lot of stress, but on the way back from the laundry room, I pressed the wrong floor and started trying to open the door to the wrong apartment(which is two floors above mine). I realised that it was my seemingly ours but I had to take a minute to recall my own actual apartment number. +Is this worrisome? I have been in this apartment for 22 days.",Forgot the way to my apartment!,0 +1068,Lost about 80 pounds since 2019 and now since starting new job 6 months in I can’t stop stress eating. Gained about 20 pounds in the last 6 months from starting this job now I can’t control myself feel like I’m going to gain it all back,Back to stress/depression eating,0 +1069,"I always wish to surround myself with people who spread positivity in their talks and actions. It is such an overwhelming experience to be around them that loads me up with a whole energy. + +When we are faced with tough situations in life, communicating with optimistic people paves the way to eliminate negative thoughts and substantially boosts our conf..... [Continue Reading ](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2023/01/22/what-are-your-energy-givers-here-is-the-list-of-mine/)",These are my Energy Gainers,0 +1070,"Any tips or ideas on how to manage it? I've tried every shampoo and I even have a steroid to rub on my head when it flares up from my dermatologist, but nothing works",Stress induced dandruff,0 +1071,"I’m doing this post almost holding a panic attack, but let's go. +I'm not an English speaker. Recently, I moved to a country (non-English speaker either) for a job (that only uses English). Everyone I’ve dealt with has some international background with a good spoken English or is native. +It's my first international position and my first time living abroad. And I've never been so stressed with my spoken English. +Last week, twice during a meeting, my boss mentioned it in front of everyone. Everyone with such a diverse background compared to my mediocre one. Since this situation, my confidence has disappeared, and I have felt that my spoken English has worsened. +At the same time, I've been so paranoid about it, that I noticed some behaviors that worried me (like being fixed on only consuming English content, avoiding and culprit myself for even thinking in my native language). +I'm petrified. I feel I'm losing the respect of my colleagues... +Does anyone have some ideas or suggestions? +My writing improved a lot, but my speaking... Damn...",Stressed about speaking a second language,0 +1072,"I am a college senior and lately I have been stressed to the point that it has been affecting my sleep schedule. Currently I am taking a gap year to retake some prerequisites and study for the MCAT med school, I don’t live at home due to my school being far away, but I am stress that I have to be at home and study for it. I didn’t have my own room before I left to college. I had to lose one of the unused rooms in my house as my personal room, unfortunately, my parents decided that they prefer this room compared to the master bedroom. It was fine at the moment because I was away at college and I had a house near my school. Now that I’m about to graduate and hopefully move back home to save money I have brought up this issue if I could get the room back but instead of hearing me out, they had stated that I can just go to the library study. I am not sure whether or not I should just suck it up and move back home or save up enough money to move out officially. Any advice would be wonderful!",Worried about my gap year,0 +1073,"I love my son. He is my rock, my world and the reason I am pushing myself. But, it’s reached a point where I am breaking. I hardly eat because I don’t have time to cook and prepared foods are expensive and unhealthy. I’m buried in school work already, I have to work to earn a paycheck and my son has needs too. I had been having awful migraines last semester and now they are back and this time I am nauseous too. I was dry heaving for 20 minutes. Right now my head hurts so bad that I am seeing flashing lights and feeling dizzy. I tried eating a banana and some crackers and drank some coffee, but it hasn’t lessened. I don’t know what to do. I am out of PTO due to covid and can lose my job for calling out, which I don’t wanna do because I have so much on my plate already.","Being a single parent, working, and going to school is killing me",0 +1074,"[https://4331566654243.gumroad.com/l/tzjrq](https://4331566654243.gumroad.com/l/tzjrq) + +This comprehensive and easy-to-follow ebook, that contains a lot of science backed strategies to dealing with stress will improve your overall wellbeing instantly.",How to deal with stress,0 +1075,"Hi all, thank you for stumbling upon this post. + +The fall semester ended for me in mid-December, and I resume for the spring semester in a week. I'm reflecting on the time I spent while having absolutely no academic, social, or financial responsibility... to say the very least, I'm not very pleased with how I dedicated my time. Much of it was spent sleeping, binge-watching shows, cooking, and staying inside. I did get some important things done, but I can't help but think, ""why couldn't I have done more?"" I had hoped to do some exploring or go out more frequently to enjoy the outdoors. I'm disappointed in myself for not doing so. + +At the same time, I'm reminding myself that I needed to not do anything for a whole month after a year and a half of consecutive working. This was my first break in a really long time. I'm just upset about how unwisely I spent it... I don't know. + +Any advice or comments?",Is it okay that I did nothing over my month off from university?,0 +1076,"Hey guys, i got a problem, like i build a wall in my head, if i wake up early and have to go in the public, like uni i have Diarrhea and now i am to stressed to face these situations, what can i do?","Diarrhea from stress, what can i do?",0 +1077,,[advice] how to deal with Burnout?,0 +1078,"I applied for a masters program in a field that I’m really passionate about. I was actually accepted into the program the year before but because of funding issues, I had to turn down the offer. + +This year I made sure to apply for many different scholarship and have managed to secure partial funding at least so it seemed like everything was looking up for me! + +Then last month my laptop was stolen (really scary situation that I’m not gonna into detail about) and I’ve had to email the university using my cell phone instead of my laptop like usual. I realized I’ve been sending draft emails through to the admissions office and associate prof while I was trying to save them and I genuinely just want to cry and give up. + +It’s such a stupid mistake and given the lack of response on the professor’s part I’m thinking this might ruin my chances. I was so proud of my personal statement and had really solid references but now I’m doubting everything about my application and myself. + +Edit: I received an offer and have chatted to the prof, everything is good now!",Post grad application and butter fingers,0 +1079,"I have been down with stress since mid November, and I have started up working again part-time from mid-December. I now have to travel (by plane) for work, which previously triggered my stress, because of all the people, noise and business of the airport and transportation. It took me a week to get over all the stimuli of the last travel day. I now have to travel in late February, and my mind can't stop thinking about it, and I am afraid that I will use another week to get over it again. So how do l deal with a previous trigger? Travelling is part of my job, and I want to overcome the fear",how to deal with previous stressed situations?,0 +1080,"Feeling stressed or having trouble focusing? Fidget Pro is here to help! Download now on the App Store and Google Play and start fidgeting your way to a calmer and more productive day. + +[Download Now.](https://fidget-app.onelink.me/qzNH/0g9xnd4h)",Introducing Fidget Pro,0 +1081,"I don't have an actual reason to be stressed right now. But, right now I just feel overwhelmed. What are some healthy things I can do to manage the build up of stress?",What do you do when your overwhelmed with stress?,0 +1082," I am a MA level clinical mental health counselor and was recently certified as a Yin Yoga Therapy Instructor. Though I cannot offer individualized/catered sessions, I do provide yin yoga classes on YouTube (@wildheartyogahh) as a free resource to help those who may not be able to afford help in other ways. Many people store emotional energy in the body- specifically in the fascia, since 80% of nerve pathways end in the fascia- and yin targets release of fascia and connective tissue through long (3+ min), passive holds. It is a wonderful, gentle practice, for the mind and body! Hope it can help someone. :)",Yin Yoga is a WONDERFUL Way to Regulate the Nervous System and Manage Stress,0 +1083,"Fuck school and fuck this school system. I’m in a constant state of stress. I have panic attacks and I cry everyday at school as well as when I get home. I’m taking AS levels and the thought of me writing the exams in a few months keeps me panicked. I’ve withdrawn from my social life due to the stress and I feel miserable. I feel like im being suffocated. It’s all an ongoing loop and I feel stuck . I genuinely cannot imagine myself surviving next year too. Everytime I sit down to study, I have mental breakdowns . I just have 1 more year to graduate",I’m burnt out,0 +1084,"anyone out there that suffers from chronic stress, panic disorder and blurry vision?",panic disorder with visual problems,0 +1085,I’ve always wondered how someone can have so much on their shoulders yet manage the stress and do their job.,How do high level CEO’s manage stress?,0 +1086,"No idea has it done any damage, so I have an appointed test next month but I can't stop thinking that I'm gonna go blind before that",How to stop stress? I have glaucoma in my family and I have a little bit too much pressure in my eyes according to a quick checkup.,0 +1087,"i don't know where to start but the thing is I have forgot everything good about my past, I realised this when I went to my school few days ago, where I studied for like 8 long years, I thought I would feel very nostalgic about it obviously because I have spent 8 whole years there with my friends, had a lot of fun, but right when I step into my school, I can't remember a single freaking thing and even if i would I gave almost no reaction at all, I didn't even smiled and that's making me sad. + +Another Situation Like The Above : + +I have got a girlfriend recently its been like 5 months and we meet in person twice or thrice in a month, and I met her yesterday too, when I am with her I pretty much enjoy everything, the feeling of hugging her, kissing her, and just doing stupid things together, but as soon as I drop her home its like all the memories just fade away, right after I drop her home I forget the feeling of huggin her, kissing her. I usually took this for granted all the time but yesterday after dropping her at her home tears started coming out of my eyes because of how much I hated this. I actually don't have anyone to talk about this with neither can I go to a therapist or whatever, can anyone please please please help me a little bit. +I will appreciate it a lot. + +In short its just like when I am doing something I will enjoy it and be present in that particular situation but as soon as I leave I am gonna forget everything about it. + +So if anyone knows what's going on with me please help.",i have pretty much forgot all the good memories and cant make good memories anymore,0 +1088,"jus started rouvestatin, anyone out there get dizzineà from side effects?🤔🤔🤔",rouvestatin,0 +1089, The Serenity Prayer is one of the prayers that brings peace of mind. It unlocks the optimism oneself and drives the composure while you are focusing on wrong things which you cannot control….[Continue Reading](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2023/01/12/take-back-control-with-the-serenity-prayer/),This might help you,0 +1090,,Find serenity in the soothing sounds of nature with our new ambience,0 +1091,I have been doing shit with my decisions with money and now i have barely enough to live with. And no job’s have answered to my applications. And i feel that i have fucked up future completely.,Stressed about money,0 +1092," Get the inside story – my new ebook about personal stress management, ""The **RESIST™ Method:** **How to Be Stress-Resilient in Just 7 Days. If you want to know more, click this link.** [https://melchopasikatan.samcart.com/products/the-resist-method-how-to-be-stress-resilient-in-just-7-daysdcxz1](https://melchopasikatan.samcart.com/products/the-resist-method-how-to-be-stress-resilient-in-just-7-daysdcxz1)",New eBook: Stress Management,0 +1093,"My PC suddenly stopped working, the computer shop guy possibly scammed me, and last night, I was in the middle of a (possibly) gang shooting. I never thought I would see a gunman shooting in public, but there he was, pointing in my direction (possibly at a fleeing car that flew past me). Like, shit man, why is all this stuff happening to me all of the sudden.",2023 sucks so much for me right now.,0 +1094,How do you guys fight insomnia?,Insomnia,0 +1095,"I dislike the word perfectionist, I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but it’s what I’m called a lot. + +I feel the need to do everything to the highest level. I start working on university essays weeks in advance and don’t submit them until the last minute and I still feel like I could of done better. I rewrite sentences multiple times because they don’t sound quite right. An essay that could take someone 3 hours takes me triple that. + +It’s the same at my job, if a customer interaction doesn’t go as well as I wanted it to it’s in the back of my head for days after. + +My whole life is dictated by this need. I don’t know how to let go of it, I want to be at peace.",Being a perfectionist,0 +1096,,i am so stressed out at work. i want to just run away,0 +1097,,STUDIES.............!!stressed*_*,0 +1098,"You don't have to believe me, you can deconstruct Stress, Depression, Anxiety, all those franchizes in ImmaterialAI - a free tool i built for people to see how many ideas are unprovable yet cause us damage through us believing in them, personally i stopped believing in Stress and recommend it to everyone.",Many don't understand that Stress comes from taking Stress as a real mechanic of reality,0 +1099,"I’m a college freshman and just got off break. I was seventeen when I started and I’m only eighteen now. Everyone else at this school is 30+. I don’t fit in and I feel like there’s so much pressure on me to talk like them. Their words are so elegant, I feel like comparing our work next to each other mine looks like shit. I get really bad GI issues when I’m dealing with college. Everything feels out of place. To top it off, I’m doing online work so I have to have extra discipline. There’s just so much to do, I schedule it all out but it’s so fucking much. I at least know I’m stressed out and to breathe when my stomach starts making wild sounds. + +Does anybody have any tips, encouragement, or similar stories? I just need to feel like someone’s got my back.",Starting college again.,0 +1100,"It feels kind of awkward to be the only one to receive but if I offer something I'm afraid she'll perceive it as me just trying to be quits, which would be true but doesn't feel right",Neighbor gave me a gift should I give back?,0 +1101,"I’m (16) doing my IGCSE exams in a few months, mocks in 2 weeks and I know I’m smart, I know I have the ability to get through it but I get so stressed thinking about it that I just freeze and feel like crying. I grind my teeth and bite my tongue I don’t want to be an utter failure at life. I’m scared of amounting to nothing because I want to do many things, I’ve always had high expectations for myself. I’m tired, I’m scared and I don’t know how to end this cycle and actually do my work. I take to long to sleep and keep waking up, my back always hurts, my neck hurts like crap whenever I see people with good grades because I feel like my grades would be lower and I hate being academically inferior. I feel like I’m going to fail anyway so might as well ignore it and enjoy my time and I know it’s wrong but I am so scared and I don’t know why.",I feel stuck somehow,0 +1102,"I’ve been scrolling this subreddit looking for ways to deal with stress. I’m a 22 year old college student. This past year I have completely shut myself out from the world (not literally), but mentally. + +My mother was incarcerated recently. Her and her husband kicked my 18 year-old brother out (still don’t know why). My dad and I have a rocky relationship. With all of that, I’m a full-time student and looking for another job. With that being said, those events have taken a toll on me mentally. I feel so drained and emotionally overwhelmed. It’s started taking a toll on me physically. I don’t eat that often, have stopped exercise, barely leave the house, and quit my job. I don’t even remember the last time I got a good night rest (sleep without tossing and turning every hour). It’s been months. I feel so terrible. You can just look at me and tell i’m not myself. + +What can I do to help manage my stress levels? I’m about to go back to therapy in a few weeks. I don’t know where to start aside from that. Any tips would be extremely helpful.",Looking for different ways to cope with stress?,0 +1103,"This will probably be funny to most ppl but, I’m planning on applying to Walmart as a cashier as my first ever job but I’m extremely nervous because I’m really really bad at basic math and have trouble with basic numbers and I always overthink things and keep thinking of scenarios where if I had to give back change or smth I’d be totally stuck and look like an idiot I just thought I’d share that and hopfully people in the comments can help me out ty 😬",First job,0 +1104,"So I’ve been stressed out a lot the past two months almost with school and family bullshit, finals and anything else. So when I get stressed I just don’t get hungry I tend to skip meals, or when I’m really busy I just forget to eat. But now I’m starting to see the effects of it on my health, I can’t afford that much food to begin with so I’m used to skipping meals, but now I have to make myself eat more",I skip eating when stressed,0 +1105,"Paid for a “massage” so id stop feeling so lonely. It actually helped a bit. We had a moment where we were just relaxing. It was the best part of it. + +Crazy how in a world full of billions of people you can feel so alone. I find that to be ludicrous. Don’t you? + +Something is seriously wrong in the world.",I just-,0 +1106,"Last month I had to make a hard decision: Quit my job to save my mental health, or stay there and eventually suffer a burnout that’ll cause me to lash out at everyone for everything. I chose to quit because I just knew I wouldn’t go long without a job. + +New year, new hiring season, but I’m still here…in my room…applying for jobs…almost 50-100 applications sent a week, but because I’m not specialized in anything, I have to wait for handouts. + +When I eat my stomach hurts, but when I dont eat my stomach hurts and I feel close to fainting. I can’t sleep, I’ve been staying up til like 1-2am just…applying. I literally have nothing better to do. No money to spend so I can’t go anywhere. Me and my mom need to go grocery shopping, but both of us are too broke to do so, but we make too much for food stamps and I was denied unemployment. + +I tried to smoke the stress away, but that only caused me to feel like I need it so I don’t lose my mind being a manic freak. + +I try to play my video games, but when you’ve been literally raised by the internet and have probably seen everything of interest, it’s just boring. + +I go running sometimes, but then what the hell else am I supposed to do for the other 12 hours????",I dont know what to do and my stress is showing physically,0 +1107,"I hope this would reach someone to make them feel less lonely. +I am studying constantly to finish my bachelors degree by time, and when I say constantly I mean from 12am to 12pm, with 10 mins of break every hour, and with the breaks needed to eat. Then I start to follow my interests by watching videos on yt, and I end sleeping every night at 4/5am (that’s why I start studying that late in the morning). In the meanwhile, my mom’s getting old and dad is emotionally far (they divorced). My mom is almost every day stressed and sad (for reasons that can be acceptable and sometimes unacceptable), and I don’t know how to talk with my dad, because I don’t feel him as a “real” father, due to some things that happened in the past but which I can’t actually forget. +At the same time, my gf is pretty stressed with her life since October 22, and despite the fact that things are still fine, I feel the stress that is infiltrating in our relationship; my best friend are day by day more emotionally far than ever, and I genuinely don’t know what to do. +Any advices?",A little rant,0 +1108,"I’m dealing with a really bad gut situation . Im only 29 but over the summer I was on a 2 month long holiday eating crap and that’s when my stomach problems started. I had blood on my stool at the end of two months and instead of treating it as a hemmoroid because of crap food I’ve been thinking I have colon cancer. Cut to the next 6 months of constant stress and anxiety and nausea and gut issues. I’ve never got constipated in my life before so I’m stressed about colon cancer and this is making me feel even more worried. + +I’ve been to the doctor and he told me the blood may be due to some minor rectal irritation but nothing to worry about. He didn’t check me physically though. + +All my blood tests and stomach ultrasound is clear but I can’t get over the thought of having colon cancer as whenever I’m constipated there’s been blood. + +I’m an extreme hypochondriac and im going through one of the most stressful times of my life and im worried I have colon cancer twenty four seven. Im constantly naseous and I have cramps. My stomach hasn’t been the same in 7 months and I never had this problem earlier. + +Current symptoms : stomach cramps, inability to empty stomach, blood on toilet paper, swollen anus( I can feel a swelling in the area), lots of acid reflux, constantly , and constipated + +Current Mental State// Life Problems: My dad’s company shut down over night 5 Years ago- both my parents literally have 0 money and we come from quite a upper class background from back in the day. They have no idea how to move forward in the future, I’ve had back to back 4 traumatic relationships where I feel like I’ve only been dumped because of the troubles my dad is facing and no one wants to be a part of this kind of a family. I’ve had men enter my lives, totally support me and fly away with all my trust broken back to back and all of this has broken me. I also saw my best friend pass away in a freak fire accident 3 years ago. All my friends are married / getting married and I feel constantly alone and sad. I can’t cope +I run my own company and I’m independent enough to live my life currently - but there’s no security for the future and I’m just constantly feeling like I’m racing with time to make ends meet. I feel like no one understands the place I am in physically and mentally and my physical health is making me unable to work mentally - and if I don’t work I won’t be able to sustain myself. + +I used to be a go getter- constantly at the gym and now I struggle to get out of bed. I have no answers on what’s happening to me . + +The last time I saw fresh blood was in JULY and now again In December. It’s fresh and very little but enough to make my mind spiral and think I’m dying/ I can’t switch off my brain and I’m constantly burning - farting and have reflux too! + +Do you think stress / anxiety are making my symptoms worse? I love to drink and I can’t even touch a drink thinking my stomach will spasm and bleed which makes me even more nervous and anxious. I’m at a loss of words and I can’t live a normal life. I want to switch off from the thought that I have a serious disease. + +Someone please help",Dealing with constant stress on top of that have fallen sick and worried I have cancer,0 +1109,"hi been suffering with health anxiety again, 1 thing after the other, stress anxiety and panic are sky high, jus took my bp, thats sky high too, head and back of neck ache, freaking out, jus can never relax, scared to death","health anxiety, chronic stress",0 +1110,"Mine hasn't been to much better but shell go into depressive states and I try my best to help, I don't know how much longer I can support her especially when I don't feel my best",ny gf had a shitty life,0 +1111,"Hello! + +I'm doing an assignment for my school about stress and I need reposnses. This survey is about the stressful situations many face throughout their lives. Although this survey may not be 100% accurate or realistic all I need are responses! And no worries this is 100% anonymous except for your age :D + +Here is the link to the Google form if you guys want to fill out the survey ---> https://forms.gle/Kk3Sw7QhcgwB4JDH6",Wanna Do a Stress quiz?,0 +1112,"I've been trying to move out for years but I make jack shit for my job. + +Every. Single. Day. When I get home there's an issue. It is always my older sister 100%. Whether it's getting back together with her ex that she got a restraining order against, victimizing herself over her kids existences because one of them is crying, or just being drunk, she is always throwing fits and making a scene, ruining everyone's day, for no reason. Let alone assault you for no reason. May God forgive your ignorant soul for thinking you can be in the same building as her when she feels like throwing a temper tantrum like a 4 year old. + +I've talked to our mom numerous times about her. She defends her every single time, sometimes I'll tell her she needs to stop enabling her and she just responds by enabling her. + +They're always telling me to pack my shit and go. Believe me, I'd fucking love to. But even though I pay rent you know they're always holding it over my head what a parasite I am and I'd be dead/homeless without them.",I despise living with my family but I can't afford to move out.,0 +1113,Really feeling dead inside.,Hollow,0 +1114,,Is it normal to break out in hives bc of stress?,0 +1115,Quick fixes I've used - really helpful [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCO9qvQ8sUI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCO9qvQ8sUI),This one really helped me out,0 +1116,"I live down south in a mountainous/hilly area and i find it stressing even as a passenger at times because of how winding and narrow the roads are. it's as if a normal street was cut in half. there is consistently a large amount of brush around these roads which can obscure my vision. there are also a lot of guard rails around these roads which adds to it. i am being pressured by my family to learn to drive, mainly because 10 years ago my mom got high on prescription pills as she often does and went out at 3 in the morning driving somewhere and critically injured herself, almost paralyzing herself in the process (i was told that my mother is in the .1% of people who have a full complete recovery from the type of spinal damage she incurred in her accident without any loss of mobility). i also take prescription medication, and she has begun threatening to not pick up my prescriptions anymore if i don't do this which has also added to my stress. my family tells me that i can do all sorts of fun activities outside if i have a car (which i have little to no interest in, the only reason i leave my house is for food shopping and doctor's appointments). i obviously do not live somewhere there is easily accessible public transportation, either. for the most part i'm scared of injuring myself or another person if i'm behind the wheel.",How do i get over my stress and anxiety related to having to learn to drive?,0 +1117,"I’ve looked this up, and heard of the term “brain zaps” that can be triggered by extreme stress. But all of this info is from sketchier websites so I can’t be sure. Is this a real thing? Or do I have to be worried about some other health issue lmao?? + +It feels like a mini phone vibrating on pulses, deep in my brain in one located spot. (More to the right of my head.) + +I also look at screens a LOT, like 90% of my day, and I know that’s also a huge health issue but I’m not sure if that’s what’s causing this.","Been in an extremely high anxious state the past five days (had multiple sobbing breakdowns as well), suddenly got weird “buzzing” feeling deep in one part of my brain?",0 +1118," + +so im 23 and ive pretty much avoided jobs because of pretty bad anxiety. + +I just recently got a decent job pretty much handed to me so I decided to take the opportunity but the anxiety from it is insane. Its not even really job related, its really just me being suuper insecure and shy and worrying about what they'll think of me. + +Im getting heart palps, im sleeping bad, im exhausted, Im getting a bunch of muscle twitches, im super brain fogged... + +I assume this will get better as time goes on and I feel more like acquainted to the people and job but right now its horrible. This wont kill me right?",Super anxious and stressed after starting new job. Will this hurt my body or should I just tough it out for a couple weeks?,0 +1119,"These last couple years have been extremely stressful for me and I am now 30 y/o and in 2 years, I went from 1-2 grey hairs in my beard to like 50. It is wild.",Stress is insane and gives you so many grey hairs,0 +1120,"UPDATE IN COMMENTS: I’m a college student from out of state. I left home because I didn’t like the environment I was in, and being out of state was one of the best options. I don’t have a car and it’s mostly a public transportation type place so it’s not the biggest issue. I don’t ask people for rides unless I really need them. If we go out, I’ll tell them we can take the bus. On rare occasions if I need it I’ll ask for a ride. I was getting close to someone and only then did I ask them to take me to target twice, once we went, the other we didn’t and the second time I really needed to go for a project. So you kinda get the jist of it. When I need to go to and from the airport I has rely on others, this is one are I need help in because Ubers are so expensive (also I only need it after and before the winter, summer, and one thanksgiving break). I generally don’t care too much about it’s safety because I feel it’s generally safe, but this one time it’s kind of an issue. + +I also would like to mention that I don’t really have friends in school. + +Anyways, I ended up contacting many MANY people. They all basically said no. The flight would come in at around 12 AM and none of them could pick me up. I honestly got angry. My thought process was that I’m literally in a bad situation, I need a ride, and no one can either wake up or cut their plans short? It honestly just made me so frustrated. I get im not your best friend, but a girl taking an Uber at 12AM-1AM isn’t okay for many. I’m not the type to go out a lot so it’s uncomfortable for me. + +I get it’s late at night, but it just made me feel like people are selfish. I hope I never treat others the way I feel when I ask others for a ride. Because it feels terrible, and I’m not saying these people are the exact reason why I feel this way. I’m sure it’s an accumulation, but it just feels so terrible. + +I hate having to beg and pry and ask. I hate asking for a ride so I do try my best to get there myself. I even offer to pay because I don’t want people to do it for free and then me feel like I’m always bothering them. + +I don’t know what to do, I know I’m emotional about this but people who have cars and give others a ride should try and be more empathetic to those who don’t.",To those who give car rides,0 +1121," + + + +**The word ‘Yoga’, has got a global presence now. Though it has gained popularity and is seen as a tool to uplift our lifestyle to a healthy one,** **myths are still buzzing around. It needs to be demystified as yoga is a great instrument that aims to develop self-awareness and connects that inner self to external energy…..**[CONTINUE READING](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2023/01/04/5-myths-of-yoga-to-demystify/)",YOGA is not only a physical workout,0 +1122,"This is gonna sound real crazy but I don't feel grown cuz I don't drive. Maybe I'd feel better living where others use public transit as much as I do. It does kinda bother me a bit like if I did wanna go out and get dressed up, I'd have to use uber or lyft but I'm taking care of myself and need to stay focused on my right eye so it can get better. I guess I need to stop being so hard on myself cuz I'm really trying my best when I've wanted to give up before but didn't",Being too hard on myself,0 +1123,"# There are many different ways to cope with stress and difficult emotions. Some strategies that may be helpful include: + +# 🏴Engaging in relaxation techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation can help reduce stress and improve your mood. + +# 🏴Exercise: Regular physical activity can help reduce stress and improve your mood. + +# 🏴Connect with others: Spending time with loved ones or participating in social activities can help you feel supported and reduce feelings of loneliness. + +# 🏴Seek support: Consider talking to a mental health professional or joining a support group to discuss your feelings and learn coping skills. + +# 🏴Engage in activities you enjoy: Doing things you enjoy, such as hobbies or creative pursuits, can help distract you from stress and provide a sense of accomplishment. + +# 🏴Practice good self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being by getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in stress-reducing activities. + +# 🏴Set boundaries: It's important to set limits and make time for self-care to prevent burnout. + +# Remember, it is normal to feel stressed or overwhelmed at times. It is important to find healthy ways to cope with these emotions and seek support when needed. + +# [ taken from r/on_therapy ]",How is stress and difficult emotions coped with⚡,0 +1124,"It’s all getting to me really bad. I’m an author and writing has always been my stress outlet and lately it’s like I can’t write enough to keep the stress off me, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t get comfy and I’m just anxious and feel like shit. Normally I just kinda deal with my stress when I have time but the way it’s making my stomach feel and how week my legs are, it’s making it impossible to help with my kids and I’m really irritable and it’s now effecting my partner. We’re trying to move out of the in-laws on a single income with 2 kids (6 months and 3 years old) while I work a new job that I just started last month which I love but it’s all getting to me really bad. I eat way too much and make myself feel like shit, me feeling like shit makes me anxious which nukes my appetite and then I can’t eat at all and then I feel sick because I can’t eat. I dunno if it’s my diet or what but this is getting really difficult…","Work, kids, wedding, in-laws…",0 +1125,"Hi! I just need to tell this to somebody. 2023 is going to be ond of the hardest years. Probably not the hardest, but like really really really hard one. You know, in november and december I was so calm and not nervous but with the strike of midnight… I don’t know. It’s just… I had to organize my moms birthday today (which was succes, I guess), in 2 weeks I have a prom, then I need to have good grades for being able to do the maturity exam (Final exam you end high school with), then writing the exam, speaking part, choosing university, going to university…. Omg, so many important things in one year. Is it just me, or did also anybody else felt incredible pressure of the new year duties right with the strike of midnight?",New years stress :-(,0 +1126,"I have been on sick leave for 2 months now. I’m completely paralyzed still. I have no idea what to do with my time since my creativity died. I use to draw, paint, write and play creative games. But all of my creativity died and it feels like I have no hobbies now. + +How do I get my creativity back?",What do y’all do with your time off?,0 +1127,"Has anybody had any experience with immediate stress support, I’ve been trying the PYM chews for gaba relief and found them useful and I want to see if anybody has had success with anything similar?",Stress supplements,0 +1128,"I can't even look forward to eating dinner with my family. My stress is so crippling that I am bedbound. I haven't spent time with frens in 1,5 years. Even my hobbies ruin me. They say I'm depressed, but I don't agree. This began when I was optimistic, but that is slowly dying due to my zero energy.",I'm unable to do anything,0 +1129,For the past three months I have been experiencing random small twitches all over my body is it ALS? Anxiety? I’m a 31 year old African American male. Also could be it be a vitamin deficiency?,For the past three months I have been experiencing random small twitches all over my body is it ALS? Anxiety? I’m a 31 year old African American male. Also could be it be a vitamin deficiency?,0 +1130,"So last year, I went to a diner with my gf and I had myself a cappuccino for the first time. I've never tasted anything so delicious and I made it a goal to learn how to go about making one. After Christmas, I got myself an espresso machine. It would be a few months before I used it (lack of space where I live) but I finally got it set up back in November. My first drink, well... I never used a steam wand before. I watched some YouTube videos, my second cup was EXACTLY like what I had at that diner. Now I make about 3 cups a week or so (usually to keep warm more than anything) and it's expanding to where I got a coffee grinder so I'm not restricted by grind. If I want whole beans, I can work with them now. If I'm unsure what grind the bag I have is, pour some in the grinder to make sure. + +Was it expensive? Well, getting everything together was about $260. With all the payment apps out there, it's affordable. You can make tons of stuff too. Lattes, mochas, I'll make hot chocolate with this thing. And I love it. If I have guests, I always offer to make them something. I found zen in the process, satisfaction in these product, and a desire to expand on what I know. It really makes me feel better knowing I can make something that not only I can enjoy, but friends and family can as well. + +My advice? Learn a craft that you enjoy. If you like painting or even coloring, there's plenty of resources. If you like writing, maybe get a voice recorder for story ideas that pop up and expand on that for a bit. If you like food, all kinds of classes out there. But all in all, make something for you first.",Stress Relief in Making Things,0 +1131,[https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/musictracks/himalayan-hike](https://roundglass.com/living/meditation/musictracks/himalayan-hike),Stress buster calming flute....Himalyan Hike,0 +1132,"So I don't have anything that I really need to do, except for two school projects. One of them is a sewing project, and I know I can get that done fast enough, and the other is a important-ish project assigned by a really nice teacher that will give extensions. I probably should have finished them a few days into the break, but I keep putting it off. I'm always thinking about it, and I just tell myself ""I'll do it later."" Then I do something else and forget about it. But when I do remember it, I don't feel like doing it. I have all this free time and I just waste it. There's only a few more days until it's due but I keep putting it off and I know that I'll have to do it last minute. I'm working on it little by little to try to stress less, but I don't want this to happen again. What can I do to fix this?","Always stressed, even though I don't have a lot do stress about",0 +1133,"I am dealing with a lot of problems at the moment. All financial. + +How can I face the problems? And stop avoiding them. I do this because of anxiety and lack of finances to pay the bills. + +But I think I am hurting myself in the end. Any strategies around this paralysis?",Stress paralysis,0 +1134,"I am 22, and I started a new job 2 weeks ago, where I work from home, doing mainly administrative tasks. I’ve started hating it - I have a lot of work and since I am new everything takes ages to finish. I am getting so stressed to the point that I think about work all the time instead of enjoying life. I quit my previous job after 5 months because I also found it to be stressful (there I had a lot less work and looking back it was not stressful). Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this stress? Also any ideas on less stressful jobs? I feel like I am stuck in the corporate cycle and not sure how I can get out. I can’t seem to find a job which I would enjoy",I can’t seem to handle the stress from any job,0 +1135,"I’m 13 and for the past 5 months , since august, I haven’t been able to sleep properly and my period has completely gone and my hairs falling out a lot and I’m positive it’s because of stress . The problem is idk what actually causing my stress because I have so many problems + +I’ve had blood tests and they just said I have anaemia (low iron). + +I’m always anxious when I can’t sleep because I start ruminating about the consequences of poor sleep and that makes it harder to sleep but idk if that anxiety around sleep is causing my stress + +Even when I do have a good nights sleep I still feel nervous and can’t seem to calm down I’m always stuck in my head and can’t seem to enjoy the present moment because I’m always listening to my negative thoughts + +There have been so many things wich overwhelm me , like my moms 39 weeks pregnant with her 6th kid and my parents don’t have time to give me attention and they don’t believe that I’m struggling mentally. +And I’ve recently had a fall out with a friend and now she’s spreading rumours about me and my sister keeps body shaming me when I’m already struggling with body image and calories + +Everything makes me feel so overwhelmed and I don’t know how to cope anymore I have no adults I can tell this to except my parents who don’t give af and I have no family where I live + +Can someone pls give me advice",How do I learn how to control/ get rid of stress when there are so many things which could be causing it,0 +1136,"Not being able to manage my anger, my motivation going up and down, not wanting to do anything, doing random things with parts of my body as a ”tic” why have these all come to me when I am not very (thankully) not depressed?",Why do I have so many symptoms for stress,0 +1137,Work stresses me out and today was an easy day but all day I’ve been on edge in case something stupid happens at work. Ugh what a nice welcome back from the long weekend,Today I’ve been on edge all day,0 +1138,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +1139,"I’m currently on day 12 of getting in ice water for 15 minutes/day. And I have to say it’s the most powerful stress reliever I’ve come across. I meditate minimum 30 minutes a day but nothing compares to cold water. + +I sleep like a baby and for the rest of the day feel calm and in control. + +I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon the benefits seem to far outweigh my being uncomfortable for the time in the water",Cold water immersion for stress relief,0 +1140," +Someone I care about a lot wakes up nauseous every morning since he was about 6 years old(he is 21 years old now). Some days are worse, some days are a bit better but he always wakes up nauseous. It is probably because of stress or/and anxiety. I am trying to find people who have or had the same problem and what do you know about it? And did you ever get better?",Years of waking up nauseous,0 +1141,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +1142," + +Personality is defined as the collection of behavior, attitude, and ways of expressing emotions that makes a person unique. We can identify if a person is with a good personality or not based on the outer expression of inner feelings. If you want to become a better and successful person in life, be it professional or personal, building up on personality is a good place to start. + +How is our personality developed? Our childhood environment and surrounding people i.e outer world influence our personality…[CONTINUE READING](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2022/12/26/8-simple-tactics-to-boost-your-personality/)",8 Simple Tactics to improve your personality,0 +1143," +Only meds I've tried is low grade anxiety meds. And I'm unsure what bloods. My doc ran more thursday, said he'd call if anything was different. They tested for that one thing that starts with a T that checks for damage in the heart or recent HA's. +And during the echocardiogram my Hr was 130. She noted it was fast but then 2 weeks later I get a call. Holter didn't show anything super concerning and the echo was fine. I am under tons of anxiety and stress but whatever is going on has had me bed ridden with neck pain, dizziness, headaches and heart discomfort . The fast HR and pounding feeling for literally months essentially with no breaks. My entire life has been Halted because I can't do anything. I take a shower and my heart goes a million miles an hour and my blood pressure goes to the 140's over 90. Brain fog and dizziness. Tinnitus like crazy and this weird whooshing sound and pain from my neck . +It all started with going to the doctor bc I had Thunderclap headaches after orgasm, which lasted everytime for 2 weeks then just stopped. Then I started feeling worse and that stopped but all this started. I've had an echocardiogram, several EKGs from the ER visits, an MRI 3 months ago no contrast, a CT with contrast of my chest and neck last month, a CT with contrast of my head last week. Noone can find anything. Only suggestion my doc had Thursday was potentially ICP and he looked worri3d that's what it was and said if I get a headache go to the er. Which I did 2 days ago to which they didn't do bloodwork but they did a CT and Xray . Tested my eye movement . Then gave me a shot and sent me home. +I obviously need to continue to see my doctor and will. Just 4 months of this I'm trying to reach out for things to recommend to my doctor to test for and try because they're struggling hard. The only things I can even think of personally anymore is craniocervical instability, anxiety, and maybe clogged artery issues. With the ICP he thought, which is phesable I have 95 percent of the symptoms but the numerous head CTs and the MRI showing no pressure(doesn't rule it out) and the fact that it's been 4 months since it all began and I've not stroked out or anything makes it seem not entirely sure for me personally. But I'm not a doc, ill continue to do what they tell me, but man if I can I wanna try to nudge them the right way",Can stress cause things like this?,0 +1144,"I have had serious stress issues since December last year. Went on sick leave November tgis year and was slowly getting better. Apparently the holidays are making me a bit worse. On top of that my dog injured his paw and kept licking it. So now I have to deal with that too. + +I have been pretty bombed after celebrating Christmas yesterday. And felt quite devastated by all the things I need to do. + +After struggling to walk my dog tonight, rinse, soak and rinse his paw again, I started feeling a bit weird and faint. My vision is a bit weird too. +I talk, walk and move normally. But I’m a bit worried",I’m a little scared,0 +1145,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +1146,https://anxietyreliefrings.co.uk,Anxiety Relief,0 +1147,im not even sure how being stress free will feel but im trying to get to that point bc stress fucks up ur health. does anyone have any tips?,how to feel stress free?,0 +1148,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +1149,"This year me and my family and I have been kicked out of our home, we're living with my stepmoms mom. My father has a stable job, and so do I, but they don't pay well. My stepmom, after 6 years, has had 2 jobs. One ended after 2 weeks last month, and she just started one recently. We have to find another place to live by the end of next month and we are no where near close to that. My hair is falling out (200-500 strands a day, I've started minoxidil) and I'm constantly fluctuating in weight gain and loss. I can't stop vaping because my body needs the nicotine but at the same time it's potentially making my hair loss worse. A while back I tried to talk to them about the stress but they dismissed it as something but not stress. I'm not sure if what is happening to me is stress, or something entirely different so here I am + +TL/DR am I stressed because family got kicked out and we have barely a chance at getting someplace new?",Am I stressed?,0 +1150,"I struggle with anxiety at work, and often find myself biting my nails or repeatedly clicking my pen as an outlet for my stress. At home, I use spinners and other various toys to keep my hands busy, but I feel silly bringing them into work, as a fidget spinner just doesn't seem fitting for the office environment. Are there any stress relief fidget toys/tools that you all use at work? Ideally something subtle and quiet! + +&#x200B; + +Thanks!",Fidget Toys to Relieve Stress at Work,0 +1151,Is it fucked up to say that I liked kids way more before I got one? I cant handle or match their energy nor needs. It’s so much.,Children Stress Me Out,0 +1152,"I am a research student doing research on Situational Stress. Please help me and complete my survey for this project. Thank you! +[https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7](https://forms.gle/JDgUZQmLXRNCuFXD7)",Survey on Situational Stress and Music (18 and up),0 +1153,"So I'm in a band, and as of right now we haven't made anything yet, but recently I've been really up for it about making music. As a result, I've been thinking, when I'm hanging about by myself, about what our music could sound like, and I'm pretty sure that's why I've got a headache right now. Like, a couple of hours ago I tried taking my mind off it by (for some reason) listening to one of my favourite albums and I couldn't even enjoy it because I was constantly thinking about what parts of it we should and shouldn't sound like. + +I can't see this allowing me to write anything at all ever, so in short, what should I do? also happy christmas :)",How should I stop obsessing over songwriting?,0 +1154,"I have my first stress test in a few hours and I'm getting pretty nervous. I have a chronic migraine condition that gets triggered by exercise of any kind. My BP is 130/90 avg, down from 16/110 (thanks Losartan!) and my heart rate is averaging 120bpm, but it's also down from 140bpm. + +Should I bring someone with me? How strenuous does it get? I'll be in a hospital in case anything goes wrong, but the drive home is 20 minutes. + +Thanks 🙏",Stressed about my Stress Test!,0 +1155,"I am feeling stress, I don't able my work because of stress. If you have solution then please suggest me. What should I do to reduces my stress?",Can I Reduce My Stress By Changing My Diet,0 +1156,"Hey everyone! + +We have developed a virtual fidget toys app, designed to maximize the benefits of fidgeting (like [stress and anxiety relief](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/14/well/move/why-fidgeting-is-good-medicine.html)) + +It is available in the App Store and Google Play for free, and we would really appreciate your feedback on it! + +App Store: [https://apps.apple.com/app/fidget-pro/id6443776869](https://apps.apple.com/app/fidget-pro/id6443776869) + +Google Play: [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.my.fidget](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.my.fidget) + +Thank you and have a great day :)",Stress Relief Fidgeting App,0 +1157,We all obviously understand that stress isn't healthy. But each of us experiences stress differently. What's the worst part about being stressed for you?,What's the worst part about being stressed constantly?,0 +1158,"Im writing here to vent out my worries. +Sorry for writing something irrelevant. Hoping writing here might help lessen my worries. THANK YOU IF YOU STILL READ MY POST + +Hello I'm a first year post graduation student in department of orthodontics. +I love studying and doing clinical works.. Academically quite good when I was in undergrad. +But after joining post graduation program.. its stressing me out so much.. +First thing the professor.. they are not very helpful.(don't act as guide which they are supposed to be) second my seniors.. they always try to transfer their personal work onto juniors(me). +Third the expenses..( my dept wants to party all the time.. for which juniors (me) have to pay).. +I didn't sign up for all this shit.. +I joined to learn things.. +Man there are so many things which are stressing me out.. leading to Loss of concentrations and procrastination. I'm anxious all the time..worrying so much..",why college life is so stressful??,0 +1159,"I make fucking $15 an hour. I live with my mom, her boyfriend, my older sister, her boyfriend, and their 3 kids. By the way, I'm a hospital janitor. I wipe up blood, piss, shit, other various body fluids for a living. Everyone at work has said give us a raise. They refuse every time. + +Guess who the only source of income is. + +What they don't understand is, on top of me paying rent and providing, I have my own shit to pay for, and being broke pretty much just means I'm gonna have to go in debt, god willing my upcoming paycheck is enough put me back in the positive... hell, I messed up my wrist like 5 months ago and got it looked at, all they said was ""yeah it'll be fine in time"" and I AM STILL GETTING BILLS FROM THEM. + +My family is always telling me to save up my money and get the fuck out. I couldn't agree more, I despise living with these people more than words can describe. But, if that was an option, I would have done it by now.",Why is life so expensive,0 +1160,"Do you get angry when your child is not listening to you? Do you feel angry when your boss scolds you? Do you feel hurt when your team members are not achieving the target irrespective of your training? Anger is common. Well-managed anger can used be a constructive emotional tool that motivates you to make positive changes. It aids to keep a distance from toxic people and situations and creates a positive fire within us. + +If not dealt with it in a positive way or if we allow ourselves to prolong, it will lead to destructive results that take a toll on your he…..[Continue Reading](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2022/12/19/7-quotes-that-will-destroy-angar/)",WHY GET ANGARY?,0 +1161,What's have you found to be the best ways for you to relax?,Deep Relaxation dissolves stress.,0 +1162,"I have this contant pressure like feeling in my brain. It's not exactly a headache but I always feel like my brain is not quite relaxed physically.It's like a weight over my head. I have tried meditation but ....it didn't really give me the desired output. I feel relieved only after my academic session is over or let's say I got really good grades/marks in my exams.i feel like the weight on my head got lifted. But it's not for long just a few days. When I start with my studies again I go into this state of mind where my head is constantly feeling heavy. It's being bothersome now as it effects my academics overall +How do I get out of this loop of heaviness and lightness in head? +Is this common? +Is it serious? +Any tips or advice or experience?",Always feeling a pressure inside head,0 +1163,"M16 I have been feeling like stressed and anxious lately for not really a any huge reason probably cus I have started looking after stuff that is wrong with me like my looks, personality hair and anything at al after my recent breakup how do I fix this? I have started going to the gym like six times per weeks and that helps me get my mind of thighs while I’m there and after when I get home or in school I feel incredibly stressed and anxious.",How to cope with stress when you barely know what causes it,0 +1164,does anyone have low back pain on the left side that extends to the lower lower abdomen on the left,low back quastion,0 +1165,I’m stressed about my living situation. It’s hard. Being in a new city is harder. I’m not a self motivator.,Living here,0 +1166,"I'm talking more in a chronic sense. I've had anxiety for about 12 years now. Past 8 months have been the worst in my life, second only to being abused as a kid. + +I started having panic attacks that woke me up in the night (for no reason, like this was before the hell time) and then got diagnosed with GERD within the same month. Developed hypochondria. Had to move to a massive uni to get the degree I wanted, but I was sick and exhausted and working and struggled to make friends. So im alone all the time. And there's always something that's wrong. I had low grade good poisoning for weeks because I didn't notice a fridge issue. I got an ear infection. I still have pretty persistent vertigo, though it was getting better until I got a cold during my finals, of all times. + +And that's not factoring in the handful of deeply personal shit thats happened that I'm not going to blast all over the internet. + +I'm seeing a therapist. I'm not on medication because it scares me, and my psychiatrist agreed that it wasn't for the best, at least right now. + +I've developed fun little heart palpitations. They're terrifying. + +I'm wondering if im under such a high level of stress all the time that it's begun to just feel normal. Like I dont know what to do to ""calm down and relieve stress"" because to me, a good day is a day where I avoid a breakdown. + +I'd ask my therapist but im on holiday and can't see her until January. I'll probably ask her anyways but still.",Do you think you can be stressed/anxious and not notice?,0 +1167," Do you get anxious in social situations? You may be eligible to participate in a study conducted by the Anxiety, Stress, and Prolonged Grief Program at NYU Langone Health. + +Eligible participants with Social Anxiety Disorder will be randomized to a 3-week intervention of cannabidiol (CBD) or placebo. Participation in this study requires 6 study visits over a month-long period, including several blood tests and an fMRI neuroimaging scan. Eligible participants will receive compensation for their time. + +If you are a right-handed person, between the ages of 18-45, and are interested in this study, please complete the prescreen survey here: [https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=CDWKR4K8DXLKF3TN).",NYU Langone Social Anxiety Research Study,0 +1168,https://youtu.be/xbT9fyTc4Io,I found the solution to your stress at last!,0 +1169,"Is it so bad that I just wanna be a SAHM. My parents are constantly asking me when I will get an accountant certification or degree, especially since I am 20. My aunts and uncles constantly ask me when I will start working because they say that one person working will be difficult if we try to save up money. Sometimes I feel like my peers look down on me for having a kid at a young age. I’m constantly being told that I have to get some of education, which I am but it’s not something that you can earn quickly. I am already struggling with my grades. Is it so bad that I am chilling at home for a bit and continuing my education at a slower pace. My childhood wasn’t the best and when I left home I had felt a weight come off of me. (I was a second mom for my five siblings) +My kid does not stress me like the outside world does.",Constant stress about having a career,0 +1170,"Anybody else get horrible stomach/chest pain for days on end when immense stress is in your life? + +It's finals, and last year I had the same exact issue during finals. Stomach pain. I can only assume that it's bad heartburn ... I feel bloated like a dead animal in the blazing heat. Feels like a big sharp iron bit of metal is in there twisting and pulling at my organs + +It's impossible to move or eat and last time I went to the Dr about it they put me on an anti acid and sent me home + +I hope it's just stress, does anybody else get this???",Stomach pain,0 +1171,"Rant. + +Everyone talks to me about their problems bc I'm ""a good listener."" But I feel so alone with my own problems. + +Then I get angry and frustrated with myself for feeling alone because there are people in my life. I don't lean on them because I'm afraid they can't handle it or that leaning on them will inevitably make my life harder. + +I live with my fiance, but he's had health struggles this year, as well as difficulties at work, so he has leaned on me daily, breaking down and panicking before work, calling me for 30-90 minutes a few times a week while I'm at work, breaking down when he gets home from work...after about 20 minutes each time I get overwhelmed and frustrated, but I signal anger. Then he says he feels like he has no support, so I feel like my efforts are wasted. + +I have my own problems. But I shove them down and go to work, clean the house, make dinner, basically do the things that need to be done every day. I shoulder the mental load in our household. + +My blood pressure has spiked the past few months. I've had a rash on my face for 2 months. I see doctors weekly for migraines and chronic back pain. My parents don't call me, my 2 closest friends both underwent cancer treatments this year, and my fiance is overwhelmed. I work from home, so my fiance is the only person I see each day. + +I feel so alone with my own problems. + +Rant over. Back to work.",I feel so alone with my problems.,0 +1172,"i’m just looking for some words of kindness or experience here + +so i’m in grade 12 but i’m also doing a dual credit program so i have a lot on my plate. it’s also sick season so i’ve been off and on sick, i’ve had chem tests or la essays or assignments everyday and my dual credit exam is tomorrow. it’s a huge test and worth maybe 200 points so i’m terrified because i’ve never done such a large test in my life. i haven’t been able to write review notes (the exam is open book) because i’ve had to prioritize everything else. i plan on waking up at 4:00am tomorrow morning and i’ve already done 4 or so hours of studying. i’m super scared and feel over the top stressed.",exam stress,0 +1173,"I recently had an interview with an job and it went well. however, my grandma just recently got released from the hospital and I been told I should be a care worker for her since she relay on me the most. I can't really do two at once and I'm already busy most of the time. Idk if I really wanna do the job. + +What should I do?",I need help deciding,0 +1174,"Hey reddit, I’m working on a project and am curious everyone’s thoughts. What's the hardest about **staying positive** when nothing seems to be going your way?",What's the hardest part about staying positive?,0 +1175,"Hello all; I'm a university student in my fourth year. Every time finals season rolls around, I find myself getting terrible canker sores (probably as a result of the stress, but it doesn't help that I need to drink energy drinks by the gallon in order to get the right amount of studying in). They're distracting and bothersome. Any tips on how to alleviate this?",Canker sores around finals season,0 +1176,"PCOS is described by one study as low-level chronic inflammation. Adding anti-inflammatory foods to your diet can help ease your symptoms. Consider the Mediterranean diet as an option. Olive oil, tomatoes, leafy greens, fatty fish like mackerel and tuna, and tree nuts all fight inflammation. fruits good for pcos will help to cure. + +[https://getsolvve.com/products/pcos-pcod](https://getsolvve.com/products/pcos-pcod)",How to fight PCOS with diet and nutrition?,0 +1177,"Here are some ways to treat anxiety and depression! + +[https://movexstill.com/blog/what-are-the-symptoms-of-anxiety-and-depression](https://movexstill.com/blog/what-are-the-symptoms-of-anxiety-and-depression)",Do you ever feel like anxiety and depression are a never-ending battle that you can't seem to win?,0 +1178,All my family keeps telling me oh it’s acid reflux it’s your anxiety but even when I don’t have my anxiety it happens.,Is it normal to feel a gurgling in your chest specifically the left side.,0 +1179," + +Fear is a normal emotion that every human experiences when faced with physical or emotional threats. When a child rides a bicycle for the first time or when a fresher attends an interview or people go on a roller coaster, we are facing the fear of uncertainty. But when these emotions become intense or prolonged disturbing our thoughts and actions, it becomes anxiety. Then we need to take steps to overcome it. [Continue Reading](https://feellitent.wordpress.com/2022/12/13/5-ways-to-overcome-fear-of-change/)",Lets lose the fears,0 +1180,"“Optimizing Exercise for the Treatment of Anxiety” + +The purpose of this study is to learn about the effects of different exercise regimens on anxiety and exercise engagement and adherence. If you are eligible for this study, you will complete a 2-month exercise intervention and 2 follow-up assessments (total duration 5-6 months). The exercise intervention will either include low intensity exercise only or a titration program in which you will start at low intensity exercise and work your way up to high intensity exercise. We also provide treatment referrals. + +**Key Eligibility Criteria:** + +* Adults ages 18 – 65 who have generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and/or panic disorder +* Currently sedentary + +\* Your information will remain private. + +\* You will receive compensation for your time. + +To learn more about the study and to see if it is something you would be interested in and a good fit for, please fill out the following survey: + +[https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=JN9WD4FTYN](https://openredcap.nyumc.org/apps/redcap/surveys/?s=JN9WD4FTYN)","Currently Enrolling Research Studies for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and/or Panic Disorder",0 +0,"Hey all, we’ve rescheduled our AMA with Dr Tracy Marks while we work out the technical logistics. + +&#x200B; + +This decision was not made lightly, but we do need more time to make sure that everything is set up and functioning correctly before we can go through with this event. We ask that you have patience at this time, and we will keep everyone updated on our timeline once we have everything situated. + +&#x200B; + +In the meantime, please check out Dr. Tracey Marks on [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL2QpphEeZFYwk6-WXD6hpA), as well as her [official website](https://markspsychiatry.com/). + +&#x200B; + +We thank you for your understanding and are looking forward to seeing everyone when we do have this event. + +&#x200B; + +The current date for the event is: **TBD**.",Announcement on our AMA with Dr. Tracey Marks,2 +1,"How are you feeling so far this week? Let us know how you're doing. + +Share as much or as little as you're comfortable with (within the rule guidelines). + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11xzt6g)","CHECK-IN WEDNESDAY ✅- March 22, 2023",2 +2,,Finally starting lamictal after a ton of health anxiety,2 +3,,I hope this hasn't already been overdone,2 +4,,"My support system, waiting for treats after I take my meds.",2 +5,,Definitely been noticing this pattern recently...,2 +6,I try to refill and stay on my medication but there's always an issue between cvs and my drs.office regarding some of my medications. The Dr office will say I have a refill in and then I'll go to CVS and they will say it's awaiting prescriber response and it can only be refilled with the drs approval. (it's Depakote) then I call back the Dr and they say no it's in there but they will call and NOTHING ever gets done. This has resulted in me multiple times being out of my medication when I need it overnight and now I'm up at 4 am. Listen I have to work tomorrow! I have a life. I can't just be up at 4 am feeling all weird and not being able to sleep. Should I change Drs or what??? Pissed off,I'm so tired of being bipolar for the medication factor alone.,2 +7,"Edit: Should have put MIXED in title. During mania - we need sex to straighten out sometimes. + +I’m on the end swing out of a mixed which has lasted about ten days. I wasn’t in psychosis or anything extreme. I’m not off my meds so it wasn’t super dramatic or anything. Worst thing I did was throw a cheeseburger into the sink when I got some bad news about my dog. + +So, we had sex last night and afterwards when we were cuddling in bed he kissed me and said “I’m so glad you’re back. I missed you.” + +We chatted a bit more and he said he’s been dodging my sexual advances because I wasn’t feeling like myself and he felt wrong about pursuing anything sexual when I wasn’t my exact self. + +I hadn’t really put it together. I don’t think I’ve ever been so respected in my life. How does everyone else’s SO handle sex in mania or mixed?",Bf won’t have sex if I’m in mania,2 +8,"I've been hypomanic for the last 3 weeks. I'm medicated and I'm teetotal etc so it was relatively minor. But fuck me does the depression hit me like a ton of bricks. It's more physical than mental at first. My limbs get heavy. I have zero energy to get up and do simple things. I procrastinate. Skip a few meals. Not brush my teeth. Leave a chore that needs doing. Then in a few days I'll feel all the mental affects coming in. If I'm lucky I'll just be comatose for a month. But if a mixed state comes along then it's panic attacks, anxiety, despair and suicidal ideation. Fingers crossed it's just depression. + +The hypomania was alright this time around. I have spent a bit too much, worked a bit too hard, overshared a bit too much, socialised a bit too much. But no real damage this time. It was intense but kind of pleasant. But I can feel the dip is going to be huge. This is anecdotal but it feels like if my mania is under control (no psychosis and no mixed state) the depression part is deeper. Feel kind of quietly melancholic on an epic scale. If that makes any sense. + +It's going to be a slog for the next month. I should be happy I've got things under control I suppose. Anyone else want to share their experiences coming out of mania? It would make me feel better to hear others going through and surviving similar.",I'm coming out of a hypomanic episode and need to talk about it.,2 +9,"I just read that bipolar disorder is linked to childhood emotional abuse. I was also reading about how narcissistic abuse, specifically, causes brain damage. Sadly, I think this is probably how I developed this disorder. Has anyone else experienced something similar?",Childhood Emotional Abuse?,2 +10,,The result of my manic episodes…best spontaneous decisions ever,2 +11,"I have confidence in my ability to take care of myself. I have been hospitalized twice and it was my decision both times. + +Now it’s a concern on whether I’m capable of moving out of my parents’ house. I’m a grown woman. I have a corporate job. I go to therapy. I go to groups. I take my meds. I have hobbies. + +Worrying is not the same as caring.",today I cried in therapy because I’m tired of people worrying about me.,2 +12,"I've been so good about always taking my meds when I'm supposed to since I started treatment, but for the past few months I just can't seem to remember to take them like I'm supposed to. On top on that, I've gained so much weight since being on them and I'm just so fucking tired all day, every day. + +I'm just so over it all. Like everything. I haven't worked in like three years because I'll lose my insurance if I can even manage to find something I'm able to do. My only support system that understands what it's like (they have bp2) doesn't give a shit about me anymore so there goes that too. Getting to a breaking point and I'm scared. + +Just needed to vent.",I keep missing my meds and honestly don't think I care anymore,2 +13,"I haven’t had a full time therapist since I was 14, I am 35 about to be 36 in a month. I am scared, I was honest with her and told her my issues with therapy and meds as a child. I flat out told her about some of the suicidal ideation and that I am never going to go through with hit fir collateral emotional damage reasons to loved ones. I also told her that I don’t trust therapists and the reason I have avoided going is I am afraid someone would overreact to my dark thoughts. + +Anyway. Wish me luck. Next visit is second week of April.",So I got a Therapist…,2 +14,"Then at least there'd be a hope of getting cured and resuming a mostly normal life. If I knew I just needed to push through the next few years of misery, and then it would be over one way or another, then I think I could do it. And if I did end up dying, at least it would be out of my control. No one judges or blames a person who dies of cancer. No one judges someone for dropping out of life completely to go through chemo. No one blames themselves for their kid dying of cancer. People have so much compassion and sympathy for people with cancer. Why is it that the same compassion isn't extended to people with incurable, lifelong, crippling mental illness? Why does someone's pain have to be cosmetically obvious for people to care, or even believe it's real? + +I talked about this with my mom, who barely survived her own cancer, and she agreed with me without hesitation. I at least feel grateful to have family that can understand and support me, a luxury I know many of us don't have.",I'd rather have cancer,2 +15,"Hello all , I’m new here but I feel like I shouldn’t be lol +Yesterday was kind of a mental health day as I was talking to a social worker who was helping me find a new therapist. Long story short we got into my previous diagnosis’ and I told her mild depression , adhd and anxiety. Yes these are true but however the one that is relevant to this post that popped up that I didn’t know was bipolar. I end up contacting my previous psychiatrist because I did not recall him saying this ( I swear he didn’t ) and he said yes but it is unspecified. He diagnosed me because of my constant irritability and made a point to say today I may be in remission because I wasn’t as snappy as before. I honestly Just thought the things he would say would rub me the wrong way. Next week he’ll do a full evaluation. + +A few years back another therapist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder I forgot which , but I remember her say something of me being manic. I honestly don’t think she’s working anymore but I wanted this evaluation at the time because I believed I was bipolar starting around 13-16 years old. I had my reasons for it. Fast forward to last year my last psychologist said I was misdiagnosed and it was just adhd/add. I had mentioned my sex drive/hyper sexuality (which I may speak on in another post), my impulsive urges to do things, mood swings that can be intense, etc etc she said it was just a mixture of my depression and adhd. +So now here I am, and thinking back to the things I’ve done before and do now. These things I am trying to control and make sense of mainly the hyper sexuality I started to wonder if I was just a sex addict because of my habits and started looking into help to stop these things but yet my only problem is when I’m in the mood lol. +I’m at a point in life where I want a second opinion, or I just don’t want to believe or say I am even though I have the signs more than I’ve even mentioned.","Rant but not really,newly diagnosed but then again I’m not",2 +16,"I've been involuntarily hospitalized once and it saved my life. It was something I needed at the time. However, following my diagnosis, I worry that family members will use it against me if I'm acting in a way they don't approve of. I'm worried they'll tell police officers I'm ""mentally ill"" and that I'll be handcuffed and forcibly hospitalized. Is this fear realistic?",Do you live in fear of being involuntarily hospitalized?,2 +17,"Long story short, I was diagnosed with depression back in 2021 after a rough year and 2 failed suicide attempts December 2021. Physically and mentally I made a full recovery by May 2022, my ex of 7 years cheated on me in June and I surprisingly dealt with it really well. I’d been off work March-September due to factors outside my control which was stressful but again, I dealt with it well. I returned to work and on one of my first days back the most beautiful woman I had ever seen walked into the office. I’m a confident bloke but I was nervous AF! I spoke to her for a bit and thought there would be no way she would like me, fast forward a few hours later and she’d requested to follow me on instagram and we got chatting. We met shortly after for a date and it was like we’d know each other years, best date ever. From this point we both took it slow and just let things happen naturally. The connection we had was unlike any other and for both of us to feel the same was just unreal. I asked her to be my girlfriend in October and she was genuinely excited about it, this made me realise I’d found someone special. Shortly after this I had a serious family emergency and that was ongoing till January, she was my rock, my guardian angel throughout this whole ordeal. I’m 29 and I’ve cared for people a lot in relationships but never been in love despite them all being long term. I thought I was incapable but this woman changed that and she’s the first I’ve ever loved, and hopefully the last. On 02/01/23 the family emergency situation came to a close with expected but still devastated news. From this day on my mental health started to deteriorate but predictably, nothing too rapid. 05/01/23 I went over to my Nan’s house late at night after work to drop a birthday card off for her birthday the following day. I walked in to find her dead on the kitchen floor, this was the day I deteriorated rapidly. I needed my girlfriend desperately for support but I was just far too much to deal with. I wasn’t just depressed, this time it was different. I was awake 4-8 days regularly and would only sleep when I’d black out. I was exhausted but completely and utterly hyper fixated on anything that came into my head. Because it was my girlfriend who had become distant I stupidly bombarded her with messages begging for help and reminding her how much I love her. She wasn’t leaving me she just needed space and I could cope on my own. 20/02/23 2 men tried to steal my car and I managed to keep the car and defend myself but suffered some bad injuries in the process. I was hit 11 times with a knuckle duster and 40+ times by the other bloke with just his fists. I was left with 4 skull fractures, fractured orbital bone, broken nose and broke jaw. I’m an ex professional Muay Thai fighter so I’m used to a certain level of pain and discomfort but this was different, although I now have slurred speech, blind in my right eye and have lost substantial weight this hurt me mentally. I started to have panic attacks and I was going through episodes of what can only be described as mania and borderline psychosis. Again I continued begging my girlfriend for help and pushed her even further away, shortly after this she ended things. She made the right decision because I was horrendous and I was dragging her down. This present day I’m on the mend now and I barely remember any of it, the days all merged as one. It feels like someone else has been living/wrecking my life and last week I woke up and have been given it back. I’m now trying to fix all the damage I’ve caused, I’ve lost most of my friends, family and the love of my life. I’ll never give up on her but for now I can only love her from a distance. I hope one day soon she forgives me and wants to speak again but I also need to get some advice if anyone has experienced this before. I’ve spoke to numerous Dr’s in and outside the hospital but have just been dismissed as I struggle explaining it and play it down. Thanks in advance and apologies for the long read",Trying to fix all the damage I caused,2 +18,"I’ve always taken them all at once along with my multivitamin and didn’t know so many people took them one by one. That seems so time consuming, especially when you have ten or more to take. I just put water in my mouth, lean back and let it sit in the back of my throat, toss the pills in, open my throat to swallow then drink some more water. Been doing that for over twenty years and never had any issues and never got any of them on my tongue with the nasty taste I hear about. Does anyone else take their pills like this?",Do you swallow your pills one by one or all at once?,2 +19,"Or went voluntarily ig. I didn’t. I felt like I was treated like a criminal I felt so violated. I wasn’t overweight I was fit at the time but it still felt so degrading. I remember liking how I looked as I took off my clothes and stood there. They just got all giggly and excited and said “ooh a blonde!“. After I literally hated my body I felt like it took everything sexual away from my body sorry tmi. I didn’t eat for 3 days after then binged on the worst hospital food. I wish I said no. It literally affected me a lot more than it should have but it was a week after I turned 18 so like it just felt weird to me. The age isn’t important it can feel weird to anyone idk im being salty. Idk it’s another late night and I can’t stop thinking about the mental hospital again even tho i was there almost a year ago :/. + + +I think about it less now tho which is good. Sorry I sound soooo grouchy I think everyone had to go thru this as well. Right?",Did everyone else get strip searched when they were sent to the mental hospital?,2 +20,"Hi everyone! + +I have a question that has been occupying my mind for a long time, and I hope that this will spark a discussion and we can get deeper into understanding bipolar and find some answers. Maybe some of you are wondering the same. + +The question: mostly during manic episodes when my mind is racing at an alarming pace I wonder if this is all caused after all by external factors that make me stressed out OR by the bipolar itself, so from within. Like, I'm starting to stress out because a situation occurs that is out of my control: turmoil in a relationship, some annoying interactions, things at work etc. Or I start stressing out because of a shift towards manic? + + This is where I'm lost: at times I think that because of the diagnosis I overthink the stress and anxious feelings; knowing and convinced about my diagnosis i fully inserted bipolar behavior into my own identity and it informs my actions? But we don't live in a sterile bubble, life is life and always something is happening. + + +For context: +during my manic state I start pacing, mind racing, increaced heart rate, twitches and intrusive thoughts. I start walking fast through streets almost running away from this, and I end up looking into passerbys eyes and then it's as if I'm being thrown into their lives, as if I live through their experience, I imagine how they act, what happened in their childhood, flashes into their daily routine, interactions, frustrations and happiness. And then I look at a window on some far away building, start imagining and experiencing the life of another person in a similar way. + Then I get thrown back into my body into reality and become more overwhelmed. Then it's my own memories of the past, then imagining my own future and so on. + + +The experience is intense and doesn't stop. When it wears off eventually I regain focus, calm and ability to think clearer. Happens periodically about every few months and lasts usually about a week, maybe 2(depending how I deal with it after the peak. It's not the most intense that happened but I don't wanna go in even more details, because this is already TL;DR + +Edit: I have been diagnosed by 4different doctors on 4 separate occasions, and rejected that idea for about 7 years until it became too unbearable and I was legit worried that this time I'm definitely not making it through. + + +So let's discuss the initial question! Would love to hear your thoughts about this chicken or the egg question and gain some insights!",Chicken or the egg? discussion!,2 +21,,Peaceful Paranoid: Using Mania and AI together.,2 +22,"Based upon recent memes I made the 200% upgrade to my ADHD, which is now known as AD4K. This choice has been sponsored by my good friends hypomania and anxiety. Also I would like to thank my good friend and worst enemy caffeine addiction. + +No focus. Brain go woooooo. + +Anxiety is super overwhelming, sensory input is cranked up, and so are my emotions. This is the worst feeling ever! I love it! + +Later today I think I'm gonna ask my dad for help with finding a doctor who will actually help me. Maybe try to book an emergency appointment. Right now I'm gonna work on getting some work done and hopefully I can keep this up for a couple hours at least.",Upgraded ADHD,2 +23,"I'm on 1200mg lithium, 200 mg lamictal. +We're going to go down from 1200mg to 900 mg lithium and then increase the lamictal. + +It did not go well. Anxiety went up through the roof. Just super super bad. + +Then I went back on 1200 (per psych) and the anxiety started improving. Now it's coming back. + +I'm positive this is just my body's biochemistry adjusting back but wow this sucks. + +I just needed to vent.",Failed medication change,2 +24,"I really could use some success stories. Are you diagnosed yet still feel like your life is good, well balanced and you find it fulfilling? Tell me all about it please. I really need to hear some positive life stories",Living a fulfilling life despite bipolar,2 +25,"I'm 30F. Been diagnosed since I was 14. By SEVERAL doctors. My parents never ""agreed"" (as if there's something to agree on a medical diagnosis) so I was unmedicated for most of my life so far. This gave me a lot of time to figure when a phase was coming, what triggers it, but also a lot of time to do stuff I shouldn't, which hindered me greatly. Because of that, I only started living on my own when I was 24, and that's when I started medication. + +To help with all this I have PCOS (which triggers depression) and long periods (which trigger anemia), so when I get my period I get depressive episodes AND I am physically exhausted and depleted. Which causes me to sleep more, which causes me to go further into depression. + +My bf does his best to understand but it's all a bit beyond his grasp. My parents still don't recognize my situation, so they are of no support for me. I don't have many friends, and only one of them is actually supportive, but she has a rough life and is usually busy with lots of work or something similar. + +So, I'm on my own. I want to straighten up my sleep schedules, but I know I can only do that by decreasing the amount of sleep drastically, which will trigger a maniac episode. It's mostly mixed, not generally full blown mania, but it does get there sometimes and it's like a kinder egg, you only know what you got when you open the box. So it can either go ""let's get the house deep cleaned"" or ""let's blow up our credit card, take on 76 projects I won't complete and f*ck the neighborhood"". You never know. + +So I'm scared to get my sh!t together, basically. And I feel lonely in all this...",I need a support system and I'm scared of myself,2 +26," the creativity i had was second to none. i was often sad that i wouldn’t experience that creativity and passion again but… i am. everyday. it’s beautiful. i realized, that all that fun stuff is still in my head and accessible. we are all geniuses! had this revelation while walking around miami on 0 hours of sleep. does anyone have any recommendations on what i should do to avoid a manic episode? i will call my psychiatrist and let her know. i’m medicated on Abilify.",i loved mania but…,2 +27,"I recently got back on lamictal 3/14, I was supposed to get my period a few days ago and so far still nothing. From what I remember the last time I was on lamictal I never had an issues with it affecting my period but things could be different this time around. Has anyone with a uterus experienced a delay in their period as a side affect of lamictal?",Lamictal and delayed period? Any correlation?,2 +28,Does anyone else experience this? I can’t really describe it other than it feels like I can’t keep my eyes open or concentrate- it’s not just feeling tired. I’ve gone down in dosages three times and am still having this problem. All else seems okay though? From what I’ve read online drowsiness is common with bipolar meds but I haven’t seen any suggestions to help it?,Constant Drowsiness on meds?,2 +29,Literally never been so fucked up in my 10 years or treatment and meds. I am honestly having a hard time imagining waking up tomorrow. I just want some fucking peace. I want all my pain to go away.,Yup. Done.,2 +30,"Does anyone have experience with DBSA or other support groups? More specifically, online support groups? Are they helpful? There seems to be nothing available in south Mississippi and I am really struggling and would like to connect with others like me. I’m just way too isolated and it’s taking a significant toll on my health (mental and physical). All suggestions welcome.",Online Support Groups,2 +31,"Diagnosed bipolar 1. +I never realized how the seasons really effect my mood . But spring time always seems to bring a change in me . These past two weeks have been rough especially with the time change. But for the first time I’ve realized myself becoming manic. Luckily it didn’t get to that point . But it could of . Anyone else going through it during the change of seasons ? +And what do you do to cope ?",Spring time and mood changes,2 +32,"I have been under the care of a community mental health team for 10 years for my bipolar and GAD, I recently moved across the country so my psychiatrist put in a transfer of care request to a mental health clinic in the city I live now. I just received a letter from this new place saying my transfer of care request has been denied because my psychiatrist stated I was stable so they are discharging me to my GP now. + +This can’t be right surely? not only because I have bipolar and need regular appointments with a psychiatrist to monitor/manage my medication etc, but I’m also unemployed and the mental health team were just about to help me with preparing to slowly get back to work starting with volunteering, they told me this new clinic would help me with this and now that won’t be happening I feel completely left in the lurch. How am I supposed to work or do anything without their support? I don’t know what to do, the letter sounded very firm and final about this but my psychiatrist was adamant I would continue to receive support from CMHT. Please help",Transfer of care request denied (UK) please help advice needed,2 +33,"Mania ruined my life I miss my old life the way things use to be I work so hard for everything and went thru so much in life just to destroy it all. Now it’s been almost 5 month and I try to start over went to a new school and trying to make new friends everything and it hurts so bad because it doesn’t compare to the life I use to have. I need some help. How do you rebuild everything! + +I cry everyday after I leave class because it hurts so much that my college degree extended by another 2 years and the anxiety of wondering if I can do it. This hurts so much how do you rebuild your life after mania it like I keep trying and it just ends up upsetting me.",Having to start over is killing me. Who has successful rebuilt their life after mania? Especially if you have a low stress tolerance.,2 +34,"I (32 f) can't seem to handle even the tiniest mistake. I made a mistake whilst driving today, nothing bad happened, just received an excessive amount of horn honking, I didn't do anything horrific but I just can't get over it. I feel like I should just quit driving altogether. It's been the same all of my life, I still die inside on an almost daily basis because of mistakes I made when I was a teenager.. I'm just looking for some coping mechanisms if anyone has any",How do you guys deal with making mistakes?,2 +35,,kitty cats!,2 +36,"I used to be a cosmetologist, and for a while was really good at it until this illness drug me into the depths of hell, I made a few mistakes when I was at my absolute worst (nothing like them losing all of their hair or anything major) but a couple of years ago I went to pick up a pizza and the girl very angrily said, ""I think you did my hair once."" And all I could say was, ""That must have been a couple of years ago.."" and she said ""Yeah about 3"" and sounded PISSED. I keep replaying this even though I haven't done hair since 2017. It plays over and over in my mind telling me I am worthless. I am now pursuing a career in graphic design and my failure of my hair career (I was fired at Christmas time, they told me we were going to be decorating for Christmas, but instead it was a meeting to fire me...even brought in the owner's father to pray over me...which sent me into a major freak out resulting in an ambulance being called) anyway, my mind keeps replaying the loss of my career that I once was so good at...and telling me what a POS I am and that I won't ever be good at anything again. Do you guys go through this?",Do you guys dwell on the past and past interactions?,2 +37,"I'm sitting in my kitchen - not at work - because I accidentally double-dosed my meds last night. I was absent minded and totally didn't remember if I had taken them or not. I didn't want to *not* take them, so I took them not knowing if it would be a double dose or not. + +&#x200B; + +When I woke up this morning, I realized that yes, it was a double dose. I was speaking incoherently, it took me forever to write the text message to my boss, and walking to the bathroom felt incredibly laborious. I fell back asleep for five more hours. + +&#x200B; + +Right now, my biggest side effect is slower breathing. Not too slow where I'm worried, but slow enough that it's different and I'm noticing it. + +&#x200B; + +I was really, really worried for a spell, but I know that this will work it's way through my body and I'll be back to normal shortly. I'm going to go fall back asleep again and hopefully wake up feeling better. + +&#x200B; + +I found some comfort searching bipolar reddit yesterday, so I hope that sharing my experience is helpful to someone. I'm fine, I will be fine, and I'm just going to take it really slow and take good care of myself today. Oh, and be more careful about taking my pills.",I accidentally double-dosed Lamictal and Seroquel,2 +38,"Basically what it says in the title. + +In theory, I know exercise helps with symptoms, and I like going to the gym when I'm not in the depths of depression. However, when I'm depressed, it's nearly impossible for me to motivate myself to go even semi-consistently. I get stuck doing nothing. I have trouble getting myself to put my gym clothes on, let alone actually walking there and completing a workout. + +Also, I don't experience much, if any, of the usual pleasure I get after I work out (normally I'd feel better afterwards) when I'm depressed, so it's pretty hard to convince myself to do it because ""I'll feel better later"". + +I've tried going for longer walks and other stuff, but if I'm honest dragging myself around my city in the rain alone with my dark thoughts doesn't help much. I go out most days with my dog, but when it gets bad I can't even begin to face it. + +I know I sound like I'm being lazy and dramatic, but I'm serious. I really can't stand the idea of getting up, putting on my clothes, putting on my shoes, getting my dog ready, finding my keys, finding my phone, putting on my coat, locking up, going down the stairs in my apartment building, walking for 40 minutes, climbing the stairs again, then unlocking my door and going in. I get stuck between steps and find myself outside alone in the cold too sad to walk home, or staring at the stairs (pun) in my building unable to drag myself up them. + +I get psychomotor slowing when I'm really bad. It's physically difficult to walk. It feels like my body is made of lead. Sometimes it takes me over an hour to complete an activity that would normally take me half that time. + +For people who've been able to push through this and get themselves to exercise, how?",How to get motivated to workout when depressed?,2 +39,Have it on my calendar that International Bipolar Day is a week from today. Wondering if anyone has ways they commemorate the day. Is it meant as a day to spread awareness and destigmatize the condition?,How do we celebrate/recognize International Bipolar Day (March 30th)?,2 +40,"Has anyone had any luck staying sober for a long period of time? +My partner and his family drink often. I really want to stay sober but I feel I won't be fun or the person he met 9 years ago if I don't drink. When I do drink I can black out and or do things I regret and it messes with my stability. How have you handled going to social events sober and still having a good time ?",Alcohol and sobriety,2 +41,"I am tired of my mental health and doctors visit is and therapy and meds. I hate being stressed out working 14 hours in a stressful job and working my weekends . I’m tired feeling like a failure. I’m tired of feeling invcovoe to feeling nothing. I’m tired of having memeroeiw come back of my spouse hitting me and belittling me. I’m tired of fearing a horrible manic episode ruining my life. + +I hate feeling like some kind of whore. I hate the things I did with my body with others when I wanted help. I hate that I only seem to be out of breath trying to run to just get by. + +I feel like I cannot get out of a cycle. And after trying to take my life at various times, it starts feeling more like not that big of deal to just try again. + +I feel so confused and upset that I have lived in such a closeted way. And when I try to hide all about my sexuality, it is like people can just smell it off me and sometimes just seem to prey on it and come after me for it. + +I’m exhausted. Too exhausted and tired of so many things.",I’m too tired,2 +42,I have been stable for 2 years now and titrated my Latuda down from 60 mg to 40 mg because I was oversleeping. It’s much better now but I want to talk to my doctor about reducing it down to 20 mg to make the sleep even better. Is 20 mg a maintenance dose for bipolar type 1? I’m confused why my doctor prescribed me Latuda when I don’t experience depression symptoms and only had one manic episode a couple years ago.,Lowering dose of Latuda,2 +43,"Man I want a cat, one of family members has 2 rag doll cats that I pet sit for a few weeks at time when he travels. When those cats leave the loneliness really starts hitting me. Some days I don’t want to talk to anyone, but having a cat near helps with being by myself. I love cats man, so cute. I got some good friends but no girl, so a fluffy cat to snuggle with would make my day.",Man I really want to get a cat,2 +44,"Every time I start to become happy, to work on something, to even obsess a bit about it I’m scared I’m becoming hypomanic and that I should do something to control it. It an awful feeling: being afraid of happiness cause you don’t know what it can turn into. As this even happened to you?",Fear of being happy,2 +45,"I just got diagnosed with bipolar type 1 today and this is all new to me. I'm on medication for bipolar and an antidepressant as well as an anxiety medication. + +Any advice for someone just diagnosed would be greatly appreciated",I just got diagnosed with bipolar type 1. Looking for advice and tips?,2 +46,"Psychiatrist wanted me to try Strattera because he thinks stimulant most likely will cause anxiety or manic. Anyone experienced manic while on Strattera? What was your experience like with this med? + +I’m on Latuda, Wellbutrin, Seroquel and clonazepam. Anyone try Strattera with any one these meds?",Starting Strattera on top of bipolar meds. Anyone on Strattera?,2 +47,"this is literally just me going to vent bc i don’t have anyone rn and i feel like talking to a community that knows what i might be going through is more comforting than talking to people who i know aren’t going to get it or will worry them. + +so last Thursday my friend and I got into a big fight over me not answering my phone , the jist of that is i was called selfish and told i throw a pity party for myself every time I talk about my relationship with my mother ( it’s bad and has only gotten worse as im am adult now ) as well as her insinuating that i undermine their relationship with their parents ( which i do not , because that is not the type of person i am for whatever that’s worth ) and it ended with us blocking each other which is something i initiated bc I couldn’t deal with how uncommunicative she was being it alone interfered with a lot of other plans, like us going to prom together so now im torn about even going to that since it’ll be my senior prom but then the idea of being outside is to much + +so that Monday was my birthday and I had invited two other friends of mine , one of which I was supposed to be moving in with and had been planning to do so for years only for her to tell me the night i turn 18 that she doesn’t see it being realistic , which is fair and I’m not angry with her but it just seems like my life is falling apart , and I know in the future this won’t even matter but i am having borderline suicidal thoughts and can feel my depression getting so ugly that I can’t even look in mirrors or think about my future. + +i feel really lost and I’m trying to stay positive and have my perspective be that of gratitude but I’m struggling and im just so fucking scared about what I’m going to do in my life. I was thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend but I can’t even trust that the thought is mine or just my brain going into overdrive. I can’t even look people in the eye anymore . I just want to sleep and I want to run away and just go somewhere but I know that’s my avoidance talking. + +don’t really know why im posting this , i think maybe I want to hear about your stories of overcoming things and getting to where you are now or just to know somebody else understands.",i’ve had a rough week :/,2 +48,"I’ve been struggling with daily functioning. See the cluster fuck of a last post I had on here as case in point. I’m not working because of PTSD plus bipolar making my brain panic mush. I’m doing better than I have with episodes in the past. I’m getting out of bed. I’m doing care for my little family, my husband and pets. I’m mostly taking care of the kitchen and all food related things for the household. + +I’m just resting a whole hell of a lot more than I want to. I’m wasting away my day with nothing good to show for it. Probably 50% of the time I’m awake I’m in bed or sitting somewhere comfortable doom scrolling. I need to provide income so we’re not so tight on money. After consulting the hive mind of my friends and family everyone and myself have concluded that I need to start a business. I have an idea I’d like to track down but I can’t get going. It’s become an extended issue. I just can’t get going. + +I have a tharapist I love and I can’t decide if I need to see her more often to work on this. Or if I need to go to occupational tharapy. I’ve done occupational tharapy in the past and found if useful, but I’m not convinced it would be a second time. + +I’ve met my deductible so more tharapy with my regular tharapist is free. Tharapy with occupational I’d have to find in network. I live in a rural area so unless I can get virtual from the metro in my state it might be difficult to find something that’s covered…",For functioning: more frequent regular tharapy or occupational tharapy?,2 +49,"Background: I'm bipolar 2. I'm a 42 year old man. In addition to the bipolar, I'm autistic and have been severely abused throughout my life. My wife left me suddenly and with no warning after 15 years of marriage. I'm still in love with her despite her cheating on me twice. I blamed myself, but it doesn't change anything. She also left me with both of our kids, who I love a lot, they're 10 and 15. We've decided to slow date again, and see if we can actually be together, but she's already saying it's hopeless before the first date. Yeah, I know, it's a really bad sign, but I have to try for me. + +Now: I can't stop sobbing all the time. Like hard, hurt sobbing. I'm in therapy and I'm on meds. I'm not actively suicidal, but I am starting to worry that I might be slipping into a suicidal trance. I think about it daily and I keep pushing the kids into my brain to stop it. I don't really have anyone to talk to because of the aforementioned marriage, there's a lot there and a LOT of people would tell me don't give her a second chance, including my 15 year old. I feel so fucking stupid for still loving her despite the harm she's caused me. But let's get back on subject. Today, when I was signing out of work on Slack I typed ""Bye"" to my boss unconsciously, I've never done that before, it's always been, ""See you Monday,"" or something else. I held my 3 cats each in turn today and just wept and hugged them. I wandered around the house (I work from home) after work and just felt melancholic and went into each of the rooms and thought about memories in that room. I don't know what my brain is trying to get me ready for, but I'm scared of myself right now. I can't really talk about it out loud to too many people because if the divorce goes forward I might lose custody of the kids because of it, even though they've both said they want to be with me and she is the one who left. So here I am. I don't know what is happening, I'm scared and I have no where to really turn at the moment.",I feel like I'm subtly giving up and I can't stop,2 +50,"Ok, kids. I switch over to Lamictal from Dep several years ago. I'm pretty stable on it, but I think I scored a weird little side effect and I'm curious about how widespread it is. My hair went from having a slight wave to it to being decidedly curly. Google ""research"" seems to indicate that this is a possibility. Has anyone else noticed changes in their hair after taking it for awhile?",Lamictal Hair?,2 +51,,Doctor didn’t specify what type of bipolar? Is this normal?,2 +52,I can’t believe this is real and this is me. I am bipolar and I’ve always know but it’s just crazy to have it reiterated to you. I am going to have to be like this forever. On meds forever. In therapy forever. It’s so fucking over whelming. Knowing none of my relationships will ever be stable fucking hurts,I can’t believe I’m like this forever,2 +53,so i’m moving from lamotrigine to lithium and in order to do so my dose has been cut in half for a week. i’m moving to lithium because lamotrigine has been making me more depressed but i’m three days in and since i’ve been taking a lower dose i don’t necessarily feel hypomanic (sometimes i don’t detect it right away but theres not really my usual warning signs) and i don’t know if maybe i’ve been taking too high of a dose or if it’s just like one of the cases where someone goes off their meds and thinks they’re doing better than ever but is actually manic and can’t see it 😅,feeling better on lower dose of meds?,2 +54,"24yoF. I was recently diagnosed this past December. Bipolar (and other mental illnesses) runs genetically on my mothers side of the family (i didn’t get to know my mom she died) her sister is bipolar, but she is a very heavy meth addict, so i dont really go to her for advice or support. My dad is one of those people that don’t believe in a mental illness. My doctor has given me a low dose Seroquel/cymbalta combo and it does help 75% of the time. I also started a new job, i used to be a medical assistant, but i honestly think it made my condition so much worse. I think i always showed signs of being bipolar but never recognized them. But when i was a medical assistant i think it made me so much worse. I’m here because is anyone else’s mania miserable? When I’m manic it’s like I’m so overwhelmed with adrenaline. I cant sleep, extreme irritation/rage and horrible anxiety. How have you learned to tell the difference between how you actually truly feel, and when your being irrational? Is it possible to have a successful/stable relationship when your bipolar? Sometimes i just feel like when my feelings are so strong and intense i am such a toxic person and it’s gross, and i want to fix it.",Recently diagnosed,2 +55,"I haven't had a therapist for a while because I felt like it wasn't working for me. I am very self aware which just seems to make it difficult. I can describe my feelings and thoughts well so they don't understand why I'm struggling. It's like, just because I can articulate it or locate the source of the problem doesn't mean I'm actually working through it. Does anyone else have this problem? I feel like I haven't found a therapist that really gets it yet so I barely make any progress.",What kind of therapy do you do?,2 +56,"Just semi recently some people who I considered long time friends and I truly believe it’s because I was being more open about my diagnosis. For context they has DID and alters and I tried to accommodate for them as much as I could. Yet they randomly removed me after we spent a few weeks together (it was a visit) +I don’t really know what went wrong as I took my meds and I have a passive nature in general. No manic outbursts or emotional ones at all. We all were laughing and having a great time laughing and doing fun activities. But as soon as I got home one of them just didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. And I truly believe it was discriminatory behavior because I would bring up my diagnosis/ make jokes of because they would do the same. (Making jokes of my diagnosis helps me cope in a way) It took me bit to collect myself but I’m doing a whole lot better with therapy now that they’re not in my life anymore. They were also very against seeking medical advice for mental illness and rather get high and not address their issues with a professional. Has anyone else here ever lost close friends that backstabbed you over your diagnosis? Or is it better for people with this disease to just keep everyone at arms length and give the cold shoulder out of fear of discrimination or assumptions on what they think bipolar is? Most people don’t judge by the content of your character anymore and it’s so incredibly sad it has to be that way",Losing friends over diagnosis?,2 +57,"After finally coming to terms with the fact that mania has ruined everything good I’ve worked so hard for in my life, I’m recommitted to bettering myself. Only issue is I keep comparing my current situation to the past when tunings were good. + +I really want to graduate college. I do. I went for three years. However, now, I cry after every class and have panic attacks at the thought of having to do the work and/or study to get through it. Not to mention that my program of study is going to take 2.5 years to complete and I have no motivation. + +I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m miserable if I just sit home and do nothing and I’m miserable when I go out and actually try something. Advice?? 😞",Is it possible to turn your life around if you hate every waking moment of it.,2 +58,"Sure, I get some highs (cyclothymia) but at this point most of my short life was spent in depression. + +I tried most flavours of depression : there is the burnt out one, the high functioning one, the low functioning one, the one where you lay in bed for weeks, the one where you pretend everything is fine but you just stare at a blank wall all day, the one where you can't speak anymore, etc + +And I only got a sprinkle of highs. I know I shouldn't wish for more highs but the lows are so goddamn low, I just want to get at level 0. Hypomania is not a side dish in my plate : it's barely a spice. + +So spicy depression is my lot. I feel I'm always pretending to believe it's gonna be okay. + +So yeah. Bad day today. Bad meal. + +Maybe I'm just a terrible cook.",my bipolar is mostly just ✨spicy depression ✨,2 +59,"I have bipolar disorder with a comorbid anxiety disorder. I became symptomatic around the time I was 13 and was diagnosed at 19. I’m turning 40 in a few months so I’ve suffered/lived/almost died/laughed through this illness for over 2 decades. I have a friend who I will call Amy. Amy was recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety after a stressful life event. Amy knows about my diagnoses and we are very close, so she has turned to me for questions and emotional support. I love Amy. I want to support Amy the best I can. But the amount of emotional support she is asking for is starting to drain my own mental health resources for staying stable. Additionally, Amy makes a lot of comments about our experiences being the same and she “gets what’s it’s like for me now” when she very clearly does not. She is not making these comments from a place of ill intentions. I know mental illness is not a contest and mental health treatment is important for everyone. However, I have started to internalize it as “Amy is downplaying everything I’ve been through.” Does anyone have any advice on how I can support Amy while protecting your own mental health?",Maintaining my own mental health while helping a friend,2 +60,"I feel like I always get impulsive when manic, but also impulsive when depressed. I relapse on drugs more when depressed and I do more risky behaviors in an effort to feel something better then how I feel. + +When I’m depressed I’m Impulsive in order to escape the feeling I have vs when I’m manic I’m impulsive because I don’t think things through and everything is a good idea that needs to be done then and now.",impulsive while depressed,2 +61,"After 15 years of misery, trying countless meds, being hospitalized multiple times, enduring 4 suicide attempts, I have achieved happiness and peace. My life is not perfect, there are things I still want to acheive. But the old me is gone. I am no longer a slave to the conventional desires of life. I want to spend the remaining time studying religion, philosophy, and happiness. And no I am not going to quit my day job.",Happiness,2 +62,"I eat a lot, more after I started my meds. When I am stressed or under pressure I have a big appetite for food like sweets. I eat even more when manic even tho I am not hungry. I think I do it cause I have control over it, but I see now how out of control it has gotten. I gained like 40 kg in 1 year and I am so unhappy with myself. I wish I could loos them kg over night. But the appetite never gets away and I eat again. It is vicious circle.",food as the main coping mechanism,2 +63,"I had a serious suicide attempt a few days ago where my bf had to call an ambulance and I was in the ICU for a couple of days. My bf had already been through one (minor) attempt with me 6 months ago. He was really upset this time and told me that if I have another attempt he won’t be sticking around, it has to stop, it’s too much for him. He also said I can’t self harm anymore or the relationship will be done. We’ve talked about getting engaged before, and he says he will need to see me 100% clean for a while before considering marriage now as he doesn’t want to have to get a divorce if I relapse—he is full on serious about this ultimatum. + +I’ve never felt insecure in our relationship until now. I feel threatened, I can’t guarantee that I won’t have another attempt or self harm relapse for the rest of my life. He is the sweetest, most supportive, loving and caring bf I have ever had and I want spend the rest of my life with him, but now I feel like it’s inevitable that I will lose him. I feel heartbroken already. I’m scared of losing my person. + +Any advice or words of comfort are welcome. I just needed to get this off my chest.",Insecure in relationship - TW: suicide,2 +64,"I’ll go first: i take my meds at night. + +I have a 10 section pill box where I pre cut my blister packs into individual portions and put them into the sections, which I stick a small blank sticker on top of each section of the pill box ; on the sticker I write the date next to the day of the week. So for example “24/Fri” or “26/Sat” so on and so forth. + +This way I know at a glance whether I’ve taken the pills for the day or not (or whether I’ve missed a day of meds)",What do you do to help with taking meds?,2 +65,,"Sometimes when I leave my house, the universe sends me signs.",2 +66,"My best friend and emotional support companion, Lucky the cat, passed away on Tuesday of an undiagnosed brain tumor. I’ve been struggling with a major depression episode for a bit but this is so much more than I know how to take. I’m meeting with my therapist on Monday, but it hurts, and I miss my fur baby so much…",Spiraling,2 +67,,Crashing,2 +68,"Benzos don’t work for me anymore. I definitely haven’t built a tolerance, at most I used to take 0.5 once a week. I had a manic episode and was hospitalized, after I was released I tried to take rivotril to calm down and it did absolutely nothing. + +Could the mania have permanently altered my brain chemistry? I’m also a LOT more sensitive to caffeine now. I was always sensitive to caffeine but it’s gotten a lot worse, I can’t even have a Pepsi, which has a negligible amount of caffeine + +It’s also changed the way I react to nicotine, I get way more buzzed than I used to. I know nicotine isn’t good but I’ve been using it as a temporary replacement for my benzos until I find out what’s happening. + +Also I know it’s implied but just to be clear I only had benzos on an as needed basis",Can mania permanently alter the way you react to different drugs?,2 +69,I have been wondering for a while how much self awareness do you people have during manic episode or is it nearly non existent because i don't mostly remember doing some stuff I must have done while i was manic but my friends and siblings always have video proofs of it.,AWARENESS DURING PSYCHOTIC MANIC EPISODE,2 +70,Every single time I think I’m getting better I’m just not. I thought I was healing but really I was masking my depressive symptoms with drugs. Now I’ve ran out of drugs to binge on and I can feel myself spiralling into mania and I don’t wanna sectioned again I just can’t please someone help me,Every. Single. Time.,2 +71," I have seen a lot of posts with the inverse saying there medication makes them fatigued. But recently I took Zyprexa for 2 months (and thought I would be fine off medication, and didn't like the sex side effects) and on it I felt totally normal and also stopped taking naps. My fear of fatigue, tiredness, and sleepiness was essentially gone. + +Now I am back to crying all the time, napping all the time and exhausted. I am 36 and have been bipolar my whole life but I did make it 12 years off meds before recently taking them. I don't ever remember being that tired. I had no idea depression could do that to someone. I want to sleep all day. I hate it.",Tiredness relieved ON Medication,2 +72,,"It's been a while, but here I am again, trapped in a web of questionable coping strategies and existential dread.",2 +73,"She's talking about how her and her partner use energy healing and using frequencies and tapping into the multidimensional levels of consciousness to heal the body mind and spirit. + +Apparently all mental health diagnosis are bullshit and all you need is some energy healing to address their physical, mental and spiritual issues. Also apparently my past lives are continuing trauma as well. + +Western medicine is bullshit and so is therapy apparently. + +I'm so upset. All of this sounds like my psychosis and hearing it from someone who sounds sound of mind is so confusing and upsetting. I thought I was having a spiritual awakening and having that ripped away from medication and a diagnosis was really upsetting. + +I'm stable now and wouldn't ditch my meds ever but hearing stuff like this makes me feel like I'm broken. + +Edit for anyone who cares: I'm sorry for being disrespectful of other cultures who utilize these methods. To be honest I meditate and have explored a lot of what she was talking about and found some comfort in it for a while. My main issue is her completely discounting modern medicine and who knows how many people are running around having episodes thinking they are operating at a God frequency because of people like her. Won't apologize for using the term snake oil Saleswoman because if the shoe fits...🤷",Snake oil Saleswoman at work is triggering me very hard,2 +74,"I have this overwhelming sense that I'm going to die soon. It's not a fear, I just... like. This is it. This is where it ends. + + +I have no idea why but I cannot shake it. + + +Should add I also am starting to get the like.... weird staticy feeling I start to get when the psychosis symptoms start to play up",Overwhelming sense of death,2 +75,"Hi everyone! Got back from a trip to Denmark last Friday and currently hypomanic at home. It was a rough week but I’m interested in support right now. + +I’m doing fine meaning I have my family and friends around me. I‘ve been on meds for 11 years but I missed them twice in Copenhagen and drank because I was anxious. I went solo after being sober for 5 months. I’ve never been to Europe before so it was all a bad combination. Now I know my trigger for drinking: anxiety. I see my therapist on Monday. + +I’m being told I’m doing everything right but I still get scared it will be as bad as my last episode.",Finally in Remission,2 +76,"Hi everyone, idk I think this is just ranty but need to move this energy into something else. Been feeling so so down especially these last few weeks. We upped my Wellbutrin so hopefully that helps. Everything just feels so pointless and I’m really struggling to find a reason why I should even be here. I thought that school motivated me but now I’m just repulsed having to do school work even if it’s about something that I used to enjoy reading/writing about. Do I even want to major in this anymore? Do I even want to do this career?? Do I even want to do ANYTHING? Nothing is fun anymore, I can barely find the motivation to play my favorite games. I usually just end up laying in my bed with my phone or watching the same show everyday. What are you supposed to do when nothing sounds appealing to do? + +Work fucking sucks all the time, which makes me sad because I really loved this job. It’s taking everything in me to not just go cry in the bathroom after every single customer interaction. And then I feel guilty because they pay me well and provide great benefits so I should be thankful right? Idek WHY it sucks, customers aren’t that bad and my coworkers are cool enough. The work itself isn’t hard or boring. But I just don’t even want to work. But then when I’m home I don’t want to be there either and I feel like a piece of shit for laying in bed all day. + +Idk, I’m not gonna do anything but it’s been *really* hard to want to be here anymore. I don’t want to tell my therapist cuz tbh a stay in a psych ward sounds substantially boring and lonely. And I would miss my partner too much. And my cat. I *think* about stuff I should/could do to improve my life and it’s an endless cycle: thinking of all the great things I should do tomorrow (exercising, rearranging my bedroom to be more comfortable, whatever). Then I wake up and do none of it. And feel bad all day. Sometimes I wish I was manic just so I could feel something other than shitty. But mania sucks too so?? Sorry, I’ll get off the soap box now I just wanted to scream my sadness into the Internet void.",Feeling down again,2 +77,"I was literally depressed-ish for like a week where all I could do is lay in bed and rewatch shameless (got through a season a day, that’s like 11 hours of tv a day 💀) but I started my new job today (which went well!) and at some point it turned to mania and I’m so tired and took so much sleep stuff but I can’t sleep or relax at all I’m so thriving can you tell live laugh love",Manic and can’t sleep,2 +78,,“Through the Thorns” - a birthday card I made for a friend who also has BD.,2 +79,,Withered,2 +80,"I feel restless from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to bed, i am an artist for a living and i use to enjoy making art. Let alone self care like long showers and making a nice meal. Everything feels rushed, like time is running out. I'm never fully present when doing things and i always find my mind wandering and not focusing on the task at hand. Mentally i'm scattered with just about everything and executive function is non existent. I want my life back and I want to feel like I have time. Even if I tell myself I have time I can't just sit down and have my mind stop too. My mind never stops even if my body can't keep going",I don't know how to be present in the moment and time slips away,2 +81,"I’m 61 now and was diagnosed bipolar 1 at 28. It’s quite severe, I get psychotic and inhabit a whole alternate reality. Despite taking meds religiously all these years, and trying so many different combos, I still average one manic episode per year and they can go on for months. The consequences of the episodes have been serious, especially when younger. I haven’t been able to hold a job and am on disability. + +Unlike many of you that I see here I am often not able to ‘catch’ myself, and once it’s at a certain point I lose all insight and am belligerent if people try to suggest I’m not ok. Last year I seemed to have a good year and felt more hopeful and optimistic than for some time. But that came crashing down when I was suddenly arrested and dragged off to hospital in the New Year (I’d done nothing criminal but I guess I must’ve been acting strange). + +One of the hardest things for me is the shame and humiliation for how I acted when manic while being adamant that there was nothing wrong with me. In retrospect I could have been seriously harmed or worse when I used to roam around the streets at night and do risky things. Nowadays I mostly just post obnoxious nonsense online and get myself banned or blocked. I’ve lost friends, like many of us. That irresistible desire to communicate seeks an outlet, you know? + +I just wondered if anyone could relate.",Being the crazy lady,2 +82,"Just so disappointed that I (25M) spent 2/3’s of my savings on bullshit. Mainly clothes, books and random items from local stores that I never use. I worked a lot of different jobs to earn that money since the beginning of college (7 years ago) and in a little less than 2 months most of it is gone. Can’t even afford to join my family on a vacation to visit my mothers homeland because it’s too expensive for me… And being consistent with a job while my meds are kicking my ass energy wise is extremely difficult. Just feeling down about my situation, I know it’s not forever but damn. Don’t wanna be another guy that’s just negative on this thread, so I hope whoever went through something similar like this will continue to have faith that things will get better and know you’re not alone in your experience. Stay strong guys 🖤","Vent: I just wasted 2/3’s of my savings during my 2nd manic episode, can anyone relate?",2 +83,,Mischief,2 +84,"Wondering if there’s a link between that and bipolar. If you’re not sure what I mean, it’s when you have a hard time remembering what someone looks like/recognizing people. Like if I see a friend in public I’m never sure if it’s actually them or if you ask me to describe someone’s features I’d have no idea. Actually a good example is after yoga class I won’t be able to recognize which person is the teacher after everyone has left the studio— so I try to memorize the teacher’s tattoos or outfit color so I know who to thank after class. Anybody else experience this??",Anybody have prosopagnosia/facial blindness?,2 +85,"I feel like I’m never going to have an actual support system or a life worth living. I’ve been homeless for almost a year. Finally got connected with a psychiatrist but he prescribed seroquel and I’m terrified to take it because of the weight gain. + +I don’t have any real life friends and my bf is great but doesn’t fully understand how bad it is inside my head. + +I don’t know how I’m ever going to not live in my car because every time I have some money saved something happens. + +I guess I’m just venting because I have nowhere else to talk to people who may understand. + +Update: found another organization that works with homeless people here so I just completed registration paperwork for that. They also provide mental health services so I’m hoping they will be able to help",How do you accept life the way it is?,2 +86,"I am just laying in my bed not tired and I have been thinking about the past and realized how many times before diagnosis I was experiencing this. + +Working 65 hour weeks, hypersexual behavior, obsessive behavior, delusions and stuff. I was diagnosed 3 years ago, and definitely have been experiencing this since maybe 10 -12 years ago + +Now I actually understand the extreme paranoia, delusions, and minor psychosis and extreme hypersexual behavior + +( I don't have psychosis much, but this year I tried to jump out of moving car because my mom's car was filled with bugs (hallucinations) ) + +Anyone ever just realized how long we have actually been dealing with these side effects of bipolar?",Realizing mania in my past,2 +87,"I am currently in the process of getting divorced but looking towards the future and getting back in the dating scene I realized I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing! My ex-husband was with me when I was diagnosed so it’s never something I had to really “tell” him about. + +I have bipolar II and overall it has been fairly well controlled until recently in going through this divorce. I had a severe (for me) hypomanic episode followed by a severe depressive episode but now am back on meds, picking up the pieces, and getting back to a feeling of normalcy. I know that the stress of dealing with my addict ex plus the stress of the divorce absolutely contributed to the severity of these episodes so I’m hopeful that moving forward I will continue to be well managed. + +My concern is that in dating someone, eventually I would want them to know what I’m dealing with, but I understand people who would not want to be with me due to this condition. Obviously telling someone deep mental health stuff on a first date would be off-putting but I’m just wondering if any of you have found a good way to handle this appropriately?? Thanks in advance 😊 you all are amazing.",How soon do you tell someone you’re starting to date?,2 +88,"I've never really had a best friend, and at most I've had like 2-3 good friends and then a bunch of people who I'm friendly with but would never interact with outside of school (college). I'm worried my bipolar is scaring people away. I feel like even thought most people don't know i have bipolar they know something is wrong with me it drives them away. I'm eccentric, show up having a completely different mood than the day before...typical bipolar stuff and I just feel like people know I'm not right. or maybe there's other reasons I'm not good at having best friends. Out of my two closest friends, I guarantee I am in neithers top 3, top 5 maybe not even top 10. (Not even being self depricating I know it's true) How can I be closer friends with people?",How do I make friends as someone with bipolar/social anxiety?,2 +89,"Idk i feel like he has to go through so much shit to just be with me, he has to handle my highs and lows, remind me and convince me to take my meds all the time, i feel like he could have gotten any other ""normal"" gf... + +But u know what? He says he loves me unconditionally, he supports me in both my highs and lows, he genuinely cares about me, sometimes i wonder how a broken girl like me got so lucky? + +Any guy or girl would have ran as soon as they heard me say i can cure depression... but he didn't he just tried to ground me in reality, and ofc recommend i go to the psych ward which i eventually did. + +Just thought i'd post something a little bit more positive this time around. + +I'm happy",I feel like im so much for my bf,2 +90,"First time poster, still trying to figure out Reddit. My friend recommended this app once I got my diagnosis of Bipolar 2 last year. I’m 29, diagnosed at 28. + +Ever since my psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder I have been suffering from serious short term memory loss. I’ve never had the most attentive brain but before I started taking my medication/had someone to talk to I remembered things too well if that makes sense. + +For example: my fiancé and I were talking last night and I pulled out my calculator and typed one number in and then all of a sudden I couldn’t remember what we were talking about 2 minutes prior. Then I asked what we were talking about and he gave me the most concerned look. I know he isn’t mad at me but worried. It’s happening so often I’ve started writing everything down. Like everything, conversations, tasks, reminders, messages I need to reply back to. It’s getting ridiculous. + +I’m currently taking Busprion 15 mg 3x a day, Hydroxyzine 50 mg 3x a day, Aripiprazole 10 mg 1x a day, and Buspar 150 mg 1x a day. + +Also, I work a very high stress job. I am a program coordinator for a low barrier homeless shelter. We deal with death, ODs, fights, assault of staff, rape allegations. It’s rough. Maybe this info will help? Idk. I just wanna know if it gets better or if I’ve given myself permanent brain damage.",Brain Fog/Memory Loss,2 +91,"Hello everyone! This is my first time posting in this group. I was diagnosed with bp2 after struggling for years with depression and supposedly mania also. But I was also diagnosed with adhd a little over a month ago. Both felt like I was diagnosed relatively quickly. Idk if that’s a good or bad thing. My depression has always been bad especially in my teens but my best friend died of suicide when I was 18 and it got worse from there. Im currently 21 and have no will or desire to pretty much live( not suicidal I think) life just seems pointless when im always depressed, I have zero motivation to do anything. Im in therapy but it feels like it’s not helping. I was recently put on vyvanse to help with my supposed adhd diagnosis. It’s helped with my motivation a little but hasnt really done much. And every anti depressant/psychotic has either made me worse or done the bare minimum which is keeping me alive. Ive been on 5+ different medications since my bp2 diagnosis 2 years ago. Ive had maybe 2 or 3 hypo manic phases since my diagnosis but their never anything more than a day or 2 of euphoria and more motivation and a splash of poor impulsive decision making. I don’t really know where I’m going with this other than how the fuck do you guys deal with this? My lifes been at a complete stand still since I was around 16-17. I have no diploma, no job and not a single desire to pretty much be a human at this point. Sorry for the long post I just figured I’d give an insight to what life is for me. Any help/advice is much appreciated since I feel so alone and like no one understands.",Dealing with this condition.,2 +92,,Celebrate the generic!!!,2 +93,Started latuda awhile ago and I just had my follow up appointment. My memory recall and all around cognitive abilities have declined significantly. I have anxiety and fears that I've never experienced. (Fear of death etc). You know what my psych told me? These aren't things common with latuda. He told me that I need to get tested for obstructive sleep apnea. All of my symptoms point towards that instead of mental illness. What the hell! Ive been on meds since I was 15 and know myself well enough to have awareness of how something is affecting me. I hate how dismissive some doctors are. I'm searching for yet another psychiatrist. I'm so over this.,Dismissive psychiatrist,2 +94,"I attend IOP groups and individual therapy sessions at the same place, my therapist who I have worked with on and off for a year and a couple months just told me today that she is leaving soon and I am heartbroken. I love my therapist and I don't know how I am going to keep progressing without her. There will be a replacement for her but idk what to do, I don't want a different therapist. :(",Dependence on therapist,2 +95,"I'm diagnosed bipolar 2, and whenever I'm manic, I get reckless and spend money like mad. Does anyone have any advice to help with stopping this? It's killing me and makes my depressive episodes way worse.",Manic Spending Sprees,2 +96,"I dated an undiagnosed bipolar 1, while I was an undiagnosed bipolar 2. We met on a mania in our early 20s. I’m sure many of you can imagine the drugs and “fun” we had on our high. + +I ended up pregnant. He came down hard and I started having suicidal thoughts from all the drama being bipolar entails. I had an abortion. It was the abortion or drive off a bridge. Even his catholic family had choice words for me, that made me feel all the more trapped. + +I cleaned up and went back to college, and started traveling more. He went to rehab 2ce. I wrote him while in rehab the 2nd time. He was kicked out of rehab for acting on his hyper-sexuality. Him and the lady became a couple and had a daughter. I leave him alone, because now he’s diagnosed and I took a few college courses to educate myself on mental illness. I knew he wasn’t in full control. He would call me from fake numbers in the middle of the night, and we’d talk, never meeting up. His lady caught on and would call and confront me. I sent her receipts that it’s him after me. Eventually he stopped contacting me knowing I’d snitch. + +It’s been 8 years and I’m now diagnosed, and medicated myself. I recently had my own daughter. I’ve been thinking about him, and looked him up. He reached out to me 2 years ago, right before I was diagnosed, and I responded with his arrest record. + +As I’m looking into him, I find out he was in a coma from going in to cardiac arrest. He’s learning to walk, talk and move his hands again. It looks like he lost a finger. His family hasn’t posted any information about how or why. Also my daughter has the same name as his mom, totally forgot his moms name and my spouse picked the name. + +I’m in this fog of wanting to reach out, but also, why? We are living separate lives. It’s been almost a decade! I questioned if it was real love or the mania for so long.. + +My spouse and father of my daughter is a good guy. He’s stable and loving. He isn’t jealous and we have talked about the ex in the past. We have agreed that we chose each other and not the ex’s. However, he will never understand what not being in full control is like. + +It’s how I ended up on this sub. Looking to see if I was as crazy as I felt. Looking for similar experiences and stories, and boy did I find my community. + +Just looking to get this off my chest; and for y’all’s 2 cents, and experiences.",How do you deal with your past?,2 +97,"I’m looking for some tips on how to handle moodiness. Clearly I go through swings of up and down, but on the downs it’s really hard to not feel tired and irritated by everything. People want to talk and I just want to go into a corner of the room with the lights off and just clonk out. I’m on meds which makes things SO much easier than they used to be, but I still get strong symptoms, so I’m looking for maybe something alternative I can practice on top of meds? any suggestions?",moodiness,2 +98,"I went for years thinking I had ADHD because of a childhood diagnoses of hyperactivity in the early 70s ,I'm 57 now. I was put on Ritalin than sedated me until it reversed and mad me worse. + +I got a diagnoses Of Asperger's syndrome at age 4o And thought the episodes were part of that . I Have been getting worse but I felt like superman when I was up and took it a a good state to be in ,Hardly the case people would be frightened of my actions which I could not understand why, they wanted me to move faster at work (cooking 40 years) I would become increasing more agitated as the months would go on. and would just fly off the handle and have a melt down and bye bye job. + +I never felt out of control until recently when my father died in February and I have been on full throttle for a month now so I changed my Psych doc and said that I was manic and took me off the anti depresses that my old doc prescribed. and gave me abilify and buspirone Just wed mar 23 2023 it has been a month since I slept more than 2 hrs. I still up but I am coming down slowly. + +I never notice the down side I just knew that I felt better not moving as much to the neglect of housework, and no motivation to give a dam about work again I had an attitude wile when I was down almost hatting the people I worked with and being resentful of having to work. + +&#x200B; + +sorry if this is disjointed I'm still amped up to 11.",New diagnoses,2 +99,"Before I get into this, I know I was an asshole and I regret it so much that I’m crying. That’s why I’m here to ask so I don’t have to be judged by people I know. + +I’ve been fine for a while, surprisingly, considering I’ve been off my meds for a while. But yesterday was rough. I was starting to feel depressed and numb again so I did everything I could to keep it at bay. I went out, I tried to do hobbies, spend some time outside. But then my anxiety and paranoia started setting in. I feel like I was being watched and veery sound the woods made freaked me out. Eventually I couldn’t stand it anymore and had to go inside and go to bed. + +Something to note, I’ve been off my meds but just recently realized I was a fucking idiot and am moving back onto them. For context of the next day, I took some hydroxyzine last night to help me calm down and sleep. I tend to wake up a bit groggy but it fades. + +But today i’ve felt horrible. I’ve been depressed, irritable, paranoid, I just don’t want to be here anymore dealing with it. +I have a dog and because of our house set up, I have to spend all day in the dining room with dining chairs and tile floor. No where to lay down. So I laid on the floor. Earlier I had been throwing a toy for my dog but stopped because my energy felt so low. + +As I was lying there, she kept nipping at my heels and barking when I told her to stop. Finally, my anger boiled over and I yelled at her. I said awful things to her that I don’t want to repeat, even to strangers on the internet. I put her in her crate and went to the bathroom to take a bath and calm down. I feel so awful about it and I hate feeling like this and hurting others. My medicine is supposed to help me but as soon as I started taking it again, this happened. + +Help.","Help, I’m tired of it all",2 +100,"hello! i’m writing here because i’m not too sure where else to look. + +i have adhd, sensory processing disorder and an on the gifted spectrum. +recently i’ve been going to therapy for adhd, and a few weeks ago my psych brought up that i might have bipolar. i’ve done a lot of research and have talked a lot about it when her,and i definitely have bipolar. +im going to see a psychiatrist and try to get meds for it, but i wanted to see if anyone else is like this before i get it checked out. + +i do not experience intense anger. like… at all. +even before i started questioning if i had bipolar, i knew that i didn’t have the ability to get angry. +sure, i get irritated- but that’s only at my family members. in public i don’t display or even feel anger. + +maybe it’s because as a girl, any negative or ‘masculine’ emotion is seen as undesirable, but plenty of girls get angry. + + +i know not all people with bipolar experience aggressive behaviour, but i feel like i should at least be a little angry? i’m irritable at the most, and i feel like it’s the only trait of bipolar i DONT experience. +if anyone else feels a lack of anger, please let me know :)",i don’t get angry. can i still be bipolar?,2 +101,Sometimes I feel really down when an “up” ends and I’m depressed once again. I want the cycling to stop but I know my up and down intense emotions will probably always be a part of my life. How do you deal with this?,How do you manage feeling down about the future because of your diagnosis?,2 +102,"lately i’ve been wondering if i have been hypomanic (have been spending *so much* money, mostly on my 16 new hobbies i have picked up for my new life transformation, have lost a lot of weight due to my ✨New Life Transformation✨, and never want to sleep because there’s just…so much to do!!! too much excitement!) +and i just caught myself laying in bed for the last 4 hours thinking about making a youtube channel and becoming fitness guru/lifestyle coach + +🤡 <<<<<< me affff LMAOOOOO",hypomanic?,2 +103,"When I am stressed, I daydream excessively. +Daydreaming at times helps me to navigate difficult emotions and situations and gives me perspective. + +Sometimes I write my daydreams down as a form of release, it’s not always effective when I am doing it excessively - not enough time. + +I am worried I may end up being psychotic again. + +I have been sleeping all day and waking up at 4/5am since Feb 4th. + +I guess what I want to know is if anyone else with bipolar struggles with daydreaming and how they cope with it. + +Started taking Lamotrigine/Lamictal a week ago. + +x",BD and daydreaming,2 +104,"I wanted to cut layers in my hair as I always do, but this time, I messed up big time! I feel so stupid and sad. + +My hair is hip length and a big chunk in the front is not even chin length, it's like a bob with hip length hair at the back, man I loved my hair! Everyone loved my hair and now I feel so embarrassed because everyone is asking me, what happened? I feel so sad, I'm constantly Googling how long does hair take to grow out but it's so uneven, and that bothers me so much! + +That's why I cut it in the first place because it was slightly uneven and it triggered my OCD, do people who have both bipolar and OCD, know what I mean? Sometimes, my OCD triggers a manic episode, and it's so hard to ignore these silly and persistent thoughts. + +Any advice?",Went manic and now my precious hair is ruined,2 +105,"I have been fixated on one thing in particular, rather not mention what it is but just one aspect of my life. I’ve been obsessing and it took me a while to realize I have been having a manic episode filled with fixation and anxiety. Couple years ago I would have never even recognized this as a manic episode and I didn’t during the episode now either but more as it was coming to a close and my brain felt exhausted. Has anyone else experienced fixation as a part of your bipolar? Examples are welcome!",Just got over an obsessive manic episode,2 +106,"I’m not sure what I’ll gain from this but I just need to vent my frustrations. I’ve also not slept all night so I’m more emotional I guess. I’m upset with myself but at the same time not because I expected it. I’ve quit vaping/cigarettes so many times. When I have it has been for long periods and I have been so thankful because I hate how I feel when I’m constantly abusing my body. +However, whenever I get manic and it’s a bit worse than usual I hop right back on it. I tell myself I’ll regret it and it’s just a mental craving yet I still go buy a vape or cigarettes and start the cycle again. I’m sick of it. +Ive come so far in terms of managing this disorder. Yet I can’t seem to get a hold on this.",Nicotine relapse when hypomanic,2 +107,"I recently had to lower my lithium (under doctor supervision) because my lithium level was too high. I started to notice that I felt less numb. I felt butterflies in my stomach and a warm, fuzzy happy for the first time since I was a teenager. It was intoxicating. So I thought to myself, maybe I don’t need my lithium anymore. I never tried stopping it completely after ECT. This was a bad plan… + +For the last few days I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time too. The overwhelming depression, self hatred and urge to harm myself. It was terrifying. And I found I was completely out of practice in suppressing those feelings. + +Back on my lithium… I am the first one to advocate taking your pills so I feel like a hypocrite. I have been reminded that deep in my mind bipolar is still there and still capable of destroying me. It was humbling, terrifying and discouraging all at the same time. Today I mourn the fact that I will never be able to fully feel emotions and will always have to be “sedated” to some degree. I shouldn’t complain because at least I have stability. But that taste of what life is really supposed to feel like and knowing I will never have it has left me in a bad way. I feel ungrateful for the stability I have and greedy for the way I used to feel before getting sick. I feel here is the only place where people will understand what I’m going through. - sincerely a very tired bipolar warrior",I got a stern reminder that being stable doesn’t mean I am cured,2 +108,"I was diagnosed 6 years ago with type 2 bi polar disorder and my God what a fucking battle it has been, from being on various medications at first to being on/off with meds to being stable on meds and now eventually being off my meds. + +Having this disorder is just too indescribable and majority of the people I've come across don't understand it, especially those close to me which is pretty fucked up. The constant questions of ""what's wrong with you"" to ""why are you like this"" +When I try to explain to my family members that I have a disorder they turn around and say ""don't speak that over your life."" Like tf? (They quite religious) + +Half the time I have no reason to feel how I feel and I control my impulses, my moods and my outbursts to seem normal to the world but its soooooo draining to feel like one day you on top of the world and life is great and then the next few days you feel like a piece of shit who doesn't deserve anything good. I guess thats just joys of not being on meds but even being on meds I still had to control it, there was better periods of stability but there was moments of is this shit working? + +The episodes that come whether depressive or manic unfortunately it seems as if my family doesn't believe it and it's all in my head...excuse the pun there but its really fucked up. Having this disorder has messed with my life in ways I couldn't imagine and in the past I didn't know its coz I'm mentally ill, I just thought this is me being normal until I was diagnosed everything made sense as to why I am the way I am. My habits and my patterns my way of thinking. + +I've lost out on so much I've been through so much and the funny part is I have nothing to show for it like it's been a wasted life. People came into my life and left me after they get to know me the rest of my family doesn't get it some of my friends claim they get it but their behavior states otherwise. + +I'm always in a place of I don't know and I keep living in my head and it really fucking sucks coz it feels like I can't find myself or my place in this world and all I can sit here and say is I wish I wasn't bi polar.",Being bi polar and no one understands you,2 +109," + +Dear Journal…well I really don’t know that much about you being dear… that’s clearly a lie as it is the first time I write in this type of journal -though I had been writing quite often on “my phone journal”-. Either way, dear beloved, and most precious electronic journal, I will bless thee with the presence of worded words that word the words I word. Today’s riveting topic…. My day! As I don’t think I have the mental capacity to write about anything else of meaning… or do I? The purpose of this journal thing is to make me a better writer in both English and Spanish, yet if all I put into the white walls is rubbish and nonsense, how am I to become better at throwing electronic ink at immaterial wood-stuff? Perhaps I should find something… as simple as it may be…something I can turn into cohesion. I guess it is as good a time as ever to speak about feelings… my feelings, nonetheless. + +How does anxiety feel? I know we’ve all been there. Any E-scripture on anxiety that you might stumble upon will say as much, but, baring mental health professionals, I don’t think that those of us that enunciate the word “anxiety” with statistical-outlier levels of frequency have the same notion of the concept than those whose usage falls into the mean. What I mean by that, of course, is that those of us afflicted by pathological levels of anxiety feel it in a quantitively and qualitatively different way. I guess that’s why we get diagnosed… catalogued as distinct by the authorities that oversee defining this part of society. We’re a messy bunch. It reflects in all facets of my life. + +I have messy hair, messy eyes, my room is messy my thoughts are scattered (and messy!), I can’t make a decision for the love of myself; the short version: I don’t work. I mean that both literally and figuratively, whatever that means! (think about it! What does the verb “to work” mean in a literal way? Is it having a job? But that’s having a job, we call it work because you do motions in a job, but we call the motions “work”, because “work” is the act of physical exertion right? I don’t know, this is literal garbage that I’m talking right now (talking/writing “garbage” can’t literally be literal (I think I just transferred a calque from Spanish, too long to get into this tangent))). I can’t hold a normal job; I can’t hold my emotions most of the times. Today some guy at the mall forgot my coffee, and I felt like as if I’ve murdered someone. I mean, I’ve never killed anyone -and I hope I never do such a heinous thing-, but you know that feeling you get in your chin, your chest and neck that pushes you down? The one you get when something bad, really bad is about to happen? I was feeling that over a coffee man. I stared the guy directly in the eye, not with the best of intentions. I was literally offended, but I don’t feel that it was in a normal way. How do I know that? Cause I didn’t use to be like that. Emotions, to me, seem to work now like to a BPD patient (perhaps I have BPD traits?). How do emotions work for BPD patients? Simple! Take an emotion X and then square it. A more detailed example: anger(in BPD afflicted individual) = anger\^2. Or perhaps it’s even a cubical function: i.e., anger\^3 (I don’t even remember if cube is exponential 3). Anxiety is writing parenthesis excusing yourself of mistakes in your personal journal entries that no one else will ever fucking read. + +Anxiety is looking at your neighbor and running away inside your home for no reason. Anxiety is feeling gutted for dreaming about the people that made you the happiest you’ve been in ages. Anxiety is snapping at those who love you, because you can’t love yourself and everything has a bitter taste to shit. Anxiety is wanting to die, looking at places where you could hang yourself, feeling relief at the thought of no longer breathing, imagining a knife to the throat, thinking about swerving into traffic, travelling, and not feeling anything, kissing someone you’re deeply into and not feeling anything, doubting everything you do, every single cell in your body being inadequate. Anxiety is knowing at a scientific level that something is wrong, but still suffering through it. Anxiety is abusing drugs, anxiety is depression, anxiety is the antithesis of life, of enjoyment, of love and all that’s good. This is “anxiety”, as this is obviously a corrupted, poisonous version of a feeling that’s supposed to help us survive: i.e., anxiety. “Anxiety” turns a survival tool against those who are trying to survive. + +Do my friends love me? -that’s what I’m stressing about as I type this-.","Something I wrote before I knew I was bipolar. I used to think it was a personality disorder, instead of a mood disorder.",2 +110,I’ve tried making friends in the past but it all didn’t went well because Im bipolar. I pushed everyone away during my depressive episodes and contact them when Im manic just to push them away again when Im depress. I find it really hard to maintain relationships. Any advice?,How to make friends when your Bipolar?,2 +111,"I had my first psychotic mania in June 2022.i was living with toxic roomates and I had my first episode ever. +I went and left the house for a month and a half.spent alot of money on hotels .slept a couple of nights on the street until I was brought back home by the end of July. + +I have been in depression and what I did was so traumatic I feel my brain is stuck on empty or trauma.i feel nothing but some fear and anxiety + +I was an energy healer and a dentist, and I haven't been able to go back to work or even connect spiritualty.i have no goals or direction + +Is it possible to heal or is my life over + +I am 29 now n last year was my first episode",please help me urgentl💗,2 +112,I just got home from an appointment with my psychiatrist and she’s told me that I’ve been improving 😍 She reduced my 3 meds to just Quetiapine and I’m really happy today 🧡,Good news!,2 +113,"I recently had the most intense manic episode of my life and went on a whirlwind of euphoria, rage, etc... I had to miss work several days because I couldn't handle it and my mind was racing constantly. I'm relatively sure it was caused by me taking a few adderall pills (not sure how much or the mg) because that's when everything started. I crashed super hard and I'm so tired now and can't even indulge in my passions. When I was manic, I was able to draw for 12 straight hours and then go to work the next day without even sleeping. I can't even pick up a pencil now and I'm so frustrated with myself. I want to be able to do that again and it's making me want to buy some adderall from a friend of mine but I know that it's not gonna do me any good in the end. I just wish I could do the things I like to do and not feel like shit - I miss being on top of the world. + +I'm probably not gonna do it because I do remember how fucking horrible it was feeling so much all the time like that but god I miss the good parts. Hope anyone can relate to this lol",Urge to trigger mania,2 +114,"bruh. when does bpd and bipolar get better. i’m currently in the er AGAIN. it’s like it never stops and it’s so hard to not lose hope or think that the short term happiness is not worth all the pain that comes w these disorders. ptsd is so so bad rn and i thought i had recovered. makes me feel like no matter what i can always relapse, i’m never actually going to recover. man i can’t handle a 3rd iop shit is 5 times a week 3-4 hours each session. being mentally ill is so exhausting i can’t learn to accept that this is just reality i have to deal with! how do ppl get past that things aren’t fair. i can’t accept things. how am i supposed to? i didn’t deserve this. things don’t happen for a reason, bullshit, it’s all meaningless and all my trauma was for what? to make me a fragile and vulnerable person with 8 disorders. i hate this. advice for recovery after this bc idk how i’ll get better.",psych ward (again) sigh,2 +115,"Hey guys, I’m looking for a new app to use. I’ve been using Habitica which is fun af (makes tasks into a kinda game and you level up your character etc) + +But found this isn’t as helpful, as you can’t track your mood or feelings which is obvs important to us. + +I wonder, is there an app that helps with habits AND mood? I have limited storage and can’t afford a new phone rn, so two apps takes up a lot of room as opposed to one 😌 thanks in advance and look forward to your responses",Free mood tracking/habit apps,2 +116,"I dated a girl 5 months ago for only 5 dates but things got really intense then she left me for someone else. I’m so desperately trying to let it go cuz it be best for both of us, but when I fall for someone it’s not something I can let go as much as I try. I have a full and enriching life, I’ve been really trying to dive into my activities full ass but as soon as I have a second to myself I spiral. + +I keep texting her late at night basically crying to her how much I miss her and how much she meant to me. I’m surprised she hasn’t blocked me or told me to get over it cuz at this point I hate to say it I’m getting to the point I’m obsessive. I don’t stalk her at all, I just think about her all day and I can hardly focus at work. + +I don’t really drink but I’ve been drinking alone at night, I think about relapsing on drugs cuz I just don’t want to feel anymore but fucking fentanyl in my DOC ruins it. + +I have abandonment issues but no amount of meds, progres in life, friends or therapy has helped, only when I date someone I feel whole and I think if someone stuck around I could realize not everyone’s gonna leave me in 2 seconds but I have yet to have any evidence it’s not like that. + +Pls help, I feel pathetic, I’m just hurting so bad. I’ve had some really bad shit happen in my life but I’d endure any of that if somehow that would get her back","How do I stop obsessing over someone, it’s Getting bad",2 +117,"So I’ve been seeing a new psychiatrist lately because my old one said it’s only bipolar 2, but may or may not be bpd as well but isn’t sure… so I’m seeing a new psychiatrist to get a second opinion and lmao i realised that if it turns out that I don’t have only bipolar but also have bpd, I can finally since the Hanna Montana “I get the besttttt of both worlds “ and truly mean it lol + + +Especially lines like + +“Yeah, when you're famous it can be kinda fun +It's really you, but no one ever discovers” + +“Livin' two lives is a little weird, yeah +But school's cool 'cause nobody knows” + +LOL",A fascinating thought I had when I was high,2 +118,"This is a bit of a rant but had to get it out. So I always dreamed of being a professional musician as I got older as like a full time thing. I played instruments since I was in grade 4, I was a very talented musician( not saying that in a pretenious way). Music was my life, I was part of jazz music programs inside and out of school , wind orchestras, scored perfectly on all my NYSSMA performances ( New York State Music Association) even skipped a few levels because I was advanced. And part of All County band programs(a hand selection of students to be part of a large bad group that would perform in front of 100's of people). I then moved on to get a scholarship to a music college, I however decided to join the army instead and became a profession musician for them for 8 years, performing for presidential speeches, Veterans day and St.Patrick day parades in NYC, played half time shows at NFL games etc. I used to love just sitting at a piano and letting the music flow through me, sure I wasn't the best in the world, but the raw emotion I put into my music was just a feeling I can't even explain, now it's been over 4 years since I've touched sn instrument and I just feel so empty about it. My living situation makes it difficult to practice playing and I just miss it so much. I just want to make music again and my depression is holding me back and I hate it.... I'm so sorry for rambling I just had to get it out, best of wishes to all of you",Missing my old dreams.,2 +119,"I have lost so many of my dear possessions (watches, cameras, plants, clothes etc.) during my manic episode one year ago. I find it extremely hard to move forward from this as I am still a student (in Germany) and have very few possessions anyways. Any advice?",Lost possessions during mania,2 +120,This is Tennacious. He's my first flower of spring and he bloomed on my first day in my new home.,Good Sign,2 +121,"I don’t know how to get my family to see me for both the good and the bad. I’ve struggled with mental health issues for so many years, and I think so many of my family members just see me as a big failure. +I’m moving into a brand new apartment on May 1 and I’m trying to share this good news with others. I really thought my family would be more excited for me. +Truthfully, I was so depressed and out of control in my current apartment. I’m amazed sometimes that I’m still alive. I don’t know why my family can’t see that, and can’t see the real me. +I have a great therapist and am working on this in therapy, but just wanted to post here looking for a little input and support.",Why doesn’t my family understand?,2 +122,"So I started taking lithium extended release about 1.5 months ago, I’m currently on 800mg divided into 2 doses per day, as well as 50mg quetiapine. And The thirst I’m experiencing is INSANE. Every time i drink, i chug the water the way someone would after a marathon. I wake up at least once at night to drink, and obv to go to the bathroom. +What i’m more worried about now is that i’m muslim and we just started ramadan, our fasting month, where we have a 14h period of fasting aka no food or water at all. I tried to drink as much water as i could during the feasting period, i also had juice, soup, yogurt, tea… but i just woke up, and I’m thirsty as helll, and we’re 8 hours away from eating. +Is there ANYTHING i could do to make this easier? Or do i just have to live with it? I don’t want to switch to other meds since these are working nicely for me.",Lithium thirst,2 +123,"Lol so i have no one I know who has bp and i don’t feel like telling them this in risk of them thinking i’m literally insane. + +I just found out symptoms can pop up as early as 6 years old?? In middle school, i was about 12 ish, Id be in gym class and always see these flashes of lights, and then started seeing them elsewhere. I was convinced it was angels trying to talk to me that I was special or smth. I’ve always dismissed it as stupid child shenanigans but it probably wasn’t. I love being able to look back on things i thought we’re normal and find out they’re not.",Childhood BP symptoms,2 +124,"Although I don't exactly remember drawing it ha, I think I'm gonna try to get back on meds",A more recent one I did,2 +125,"DAE feel music too deeply? There are some songs that are visceral triggers for me both positively and negatively. + +I stumbled upon JoJo’s ‘Say Love’ recently and I literally sob every time I hear it, so naturally I over play it. + +Just wondering if anyone has this same reaction to music and if so, what are your songs?",Can music be too much?,2 +126,"Like many of you in this community, I have cripplingly low self esteem partly from the depressive episodes I find myself in most of the time. Stability hasn’t been attainable for me- I’ve only been on meds for a year and haven’t found the right cocktail yet. + +Today, I’m able to give myself a small pat on the back. + +I’ll be sober a year, at the end of this month. + +I’ve abstained from casual sex/promiscuity for 2 years. + +I’m really proud of myself.",Feeling grateful,2 +127,"How do you raise a child when you are going through a depressive phase and you can't even take care of yourself, much less a 5 year old? My wife left us a year ago, and I haven't even had the time to deal with that shit. My daughter constantly needs me to be there for her but half the time, I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide. I don't get enough sleep and I'm always fearful I'm going to enter into manic mode. I feel like a failure as a dad for having the constant changes in mood that come with bipolar. I take meds now, so I am much more stable than I used to be, but it's not perfect. I'm lucky that my mother lives nearby, and she helps out. I'm just curious if there are any other bipolar parents out there.",Raising a child as a bipolar parent,2 +128,Can’t tell if I’m just being active and productive or I’m just being straight up hypomania. I’m bipolar 1 and take meds daily. I thought with taking all my meds I’d never feel heightened or lower but I still do feel my moods go up and down even with meds.. but the moods are usually mild. But the past two days I’ve just been very active. Do you all feel the same sometimes?,Woke up 3am the past two days and being very high energy.. is this hypomania?,2 +129,"So, I started Vraylar a few weeks ago to help with a depressive episode. A few days later I started having traumatic childhood flashbacks, ya know, the ones that make you physically ill. I also started buying a shit ton of scratch offs and spent WAYYYY too much money on them. I stopped taking the Vraylar because I just couldn’t do it anymore (I told my dr I wasn’t going to take it anymore) and it’s now hitting me how freaking careless with my money I’ve been for the last few weeks. I feel ashamed. Embarrassed. I’m disgusted with myself honestly. + +I told my husband about it and he’s being supportive and that makes me want to cry even more because I feel like I don’t deserve it. + +I don’t know how to get rid of these shitty feelings. I’m sick of having to take all this damn medication in order to function in society. I don’t have a bad life, I have an awesome career that I truly enjoy, I have a wonderful family, dogs that love me, friends, a beautiful home and I don’t necessarily hate myself and yet here I am, struggling with myself and this giant ass blanket of shame is slowly swallowing me whole.",Hypomania had me wrapped around its little finger,2 +130,"I’ve tried three times, sent in all required paperwork and have been denied every time. I have severe depression, severe social and generalized anxiety/slight agoraphobia, bipolar, autism, ptsd and ADHD. I can’t work and it’s ruining my life",Has anyone been able to get on disability due to just your mental illnesses?,2 +131,"In the past, I usually have taken abilify and lamictal for my bipolar, but because I’m breastfeeding, I am now taking divalproex. I know most side effects of a new medication wear off in a week or so but these side effects are unbearable. I have like every single one except the ones that tell you to immediately seek medical attention. The nausea and feeling like I’m gonna pass out are the worst ones. I just constantly feel sick. I take it at night to reduce these feelings but I still suffer. Any tips on what I can do to minimize these feelings. It didn’t sound like I had many if any other options while breastfeeding so I want this to work but I can’t feel like this.",Divalproex side effects,2 +132,"Been on this earth for 54 years, diagnosed early, multiple hospital visits, some up to 6 months, my life has been horrible, seen so many deaths, I have died so many times, watched my son die, and in depression I am thinking is it really worth it. Think about the question. What is life? Its mundane and torture. To me its actually hell. So it confuses me why the docs want me to live so bad when its so damn horrible.",BP1,2 +133,"I've seen so many posts on here about people having issues with long term memory and I was wondering if anyone has found a way to fix/improve this. I literally cannot remember anything and am constantly misplacing timelines and just straight up forgetting events that have happened. I hate it so much and I just want to fix it, I'm tired of everything being so hazy. It feels like it's getting worse too- I went in for a CT scan in December because my memory is so bad that my psychiatrist was concerned that it could be a potential brain tumor. I just want to feel normal again",Memory issues?,2 +134,"I haven’t felt this way in a very long time and the mere fact that I am even writing here is a strange, it is painful to know what’s happening and what’s coming. Im contemplating if I should take tranqs or call for help. Im so good at sketching right no tho, like so good. I hate this feeling but also not sure how to not feel good right now. Everything is so bright and doable but I hate knowing this will end in a low I will not be able to fathom. +Sorry for rambling, just not sure if I’m making sense.",Starting to feel hypomanic,2 +135,"How do you handle barking security agents, boarding passes, changing itinerary, foreign languages, rude locals, etc. without losing it? Here's what's worked for me: + +Photograph \*everything\* important - passports, credit cards, boarding passes, luggage, and store the photos in a locked folder on your phone. This helps recovery of lost items, lower your footprint if you get robbed, and it creates backups because you never know. + +Try to research as much ahead of time - Rick Steves advises to book the important stuff, but keep things open ended. I've found, since I'm so easily distracted, to have a few good options at all times that you can do in case things are getting weird. + +Go easy on the coffee - first thing I want to do in an airport or a new city is to have coffee. There's downtime, I'm jetlagged, weary, and already overstimulated, and caffeine I think adds to my disorganization. If I get lost, it makes me look even more like a crackhead asking for directions. It's best to get acclimated then act like a local. + +Assume you will get lost and account for it - my sense of directions are terrible. Without google maps, I would be at the front of Walmart, aged progressed, with a slightly insulting cash reward for whoever finds me. Set up SIM cards, initial itinerary, and a basic plan to get settled after arrival. + +Breathe, dammit! - everything's new, everything's stimulating, but you have responsibilities. Stay present and take.your.meds. Do you really want to be hospitalized overseas? + +OK how about you, gentle bipolar traveler?",Travel Tips?,2 +136,"I realized that food textures no longer bother me as much like mushrooms. I can eat them without being disgusted. Does psychosis or whatever make food textures weird or is it just something random? + + + +What has been your experience?",Strangest symptoms medicine helps with,2 +137,I’ve finally been on medicine that works really well like I’ve had no manic modes or depression that I can tell. My only issue right now is that my brain focuses on other things and I want sex all the time. I really don’t know what to do about that. Masturbation seems to not work for me anymore at least not unless it’s in conjunction with my wife. She seems very one and done with sex where I can go longer and more. It doesn’t help that we only have sex or do something sexual once a week or less. So I am just not sure how to fix that or what to do to stop all these sexual needs that it feels like I have a lot.,Bipolar Disorder And Sex,2 +138,"When you experience mania, are you able to sleep if you want to, or are you unable to sleep? + + +I find I have no problems sleeping when manic, I just don't want to and don't really feel like I need it.",Can you sleep when manic?,2 +139,"It's been a very rough past couple years and so many things have been affected by what's happened. To be clear I am not suicidal in any capacity. My cat would never forgive me and I do enjoy being alive even when it's chaotic and kinda terrible. + +I have basically been rapid cycling the past 11 months with a few intermittent bigger episodes, dealing with a very fresh PTSD development due to being in an abusive relationship with someone who in a psychotic rage beat a woman so bad he caved in part of her skull. He's in prison now but it doesn't erase the damage done to her or me. + +I had 6 months med access instability, 1.5 years of job instability, housing environment instability, other health problems (ever tried to use your hands when you can't feel 80+ percent of them?) and these god damn hallucinations and crying spells really need to fking stop. + +I've been trying out more meds, different med combos, self-care, coping mechanisms. I've been in therapy and physical therapy and those are helping. I keep my appointments with my specialists and p-doc. I do my job the best I can and try to keep my shit together but I've been barely holding my head above water for such a long time with it all and I feel like I'm about to drown. + +No, correction. I feel like I'm drowning. I've been drowning for a while and I just realized it. + +I'm just trying to survive and it's getting harder and harder to do so. I'm bawling just typing this out. + +I did my taxes today and for the first time in the 13 years of paying taxes I authorized someone else to talk to the irs if necessary. I wrote down my important login information. I've been talking to my dad and my sister about the gist of everything. I know my sister will take care of my cat if I can't, I've already gone over all of Annie's overall care and needs especially regarding her medical care and environmental needs. + +I need a fresh start. There are too many ghosts in this area that haunt me and my dreams. I've had too much loss and trauma to call it home anymore. I want to move up north to the only place I can call home. I want to move into my dad's place and live with one of the few humans I trust. + +I brought it up today and he's thinking about it. I will see what his thoughts are about it later. + +I can't stand how things are anymore and I need to be better. + +In addition to my lithium, lamictal, vyvanse, buspirone, propranolol and gabapentin, I started vraylar last week but it's not working fast enough so I start olanzapine tomorrow. Maybe it will help me. I'm really hoping it will help me because I can't hold it together anymore, not even for my cat. + +I hate and despise my brain with the fury of a thousand bonfires. I wish I could be normal. I wish I was blissfully unaware of how any of this feels. + +I spent most of my 20's learning how to handle bp and to become and stay stable. But apparently my early 30's are having a laugh at what I managed to achieve. + +Edit: my dad said yes. I'll be moving mid-may after a few appointments and finalizing everything. + +I'm going to be paying cash for my meds for a little while until I can get on Medicaid, but that's okay. I'm hoping to fill my meds as soon as my insurance lets me (up to 5 days before the days supply ends) so I can build up extra. Maybe try to get a vacation override or something towards the end. I'm gonna work some extra shifts to build up some money. I gotta get Annie to the the vet for her annual exam and refills of her phenobarbital. And ask the vet if she will authorize an early refill or prescribe a larger volume so there's more of a buffer zone for her (because her seizures are both heartbreaking and terrifying at the same time). + +I have so much to do! I have more hope again. God damn I love my dad. He's always been beyond awesome and supportive, he has been one of my biggest supporters in multiple ways over the years. I legitimately don't know if I would be here typing this if he wasn't who he is. + +I had some happy tears today and I'm like to think they outweighed all the sad and angry ones that I've had lately. + +Edit 2: honestly this post doesn't even mention many of the other things, like the rage I have felt for sometime, a brief hope and desire to date someone. A miscarriage I still mourn and how I never told him that I named her. The depth of complexity and severity of my nerve, skin and gut problems and how much money has been spent on them. Or how I stopped loving my job because I hate the place I work and my coworkers are a pack of wolves who I've tried to hide weaknesses from. Or that i've just been so tired for so many years.","At this point in life I rarely truly worry about the swings and cycles, but my brain has been so unstable lately that I'm am worried.",2 +140,"i’m not sure where the best place to ask this is. i’m too afraid of bringing it up to my providers so i’m hoping i can seek support here before i mention anything. +i’m diagnosed bipolar type 1, i’ve only had one manic episode that led to psychosis. mostly, i struggle with rapid cycles of mixed mania, hypomania and depression when unmedicated. +the last maybe month or so(?) i guess i’ve had a decreased need for sleep. so much that my psychiatrist noticed it before i did and prescribed medicine for sleep. i’m taking my mood stabilizers regularly but for some reason i just cannot make myself take sleeping medication and these past two weeks i’ve noticed have been pretty worrisome while reflecting on it(change in sex drive and drugs, unlike myself and putting myself in dangerous situations) i’m just really afraid of bringing it up to anybody for fear of judgement. i know how silly it is to have the solution to my problem right in front of me, and i don’t want to make it seem like i don’t care about my mental health. +i am experiencing all symptoms of (hypo?)mania and some mixed features of depression. it was really nice for a few days of this week but just like my first manic episode, the only way i can describe it is like, you’re going so high up on a roller coaster that when you feel it slipping down, it’s scary and drastic and you do everything you can to keep going up just so it doesn’t crash. i feel like im in the beginning stages of that and i really don’t want to do this. the euphoria and attractiveness of mania is incredible, but the constant racing thoughts and heart rate, the irritability and anxiety are uncomfortable and i know im prone to psychosis. +it seems like the easiest solution would be to actually take my prescribed medication, but it is really hard for me. i feel like there’s so much more time i have to get stuff done later in the night and i see it as a waste to go to bed so early especially when i don’t need to. i’m aware of how ridiculous it all sounds but i don’t know what to do to make myself take the medication. i know i have to but i genuinely just do not want to, but unfortunately i know this is probably contributing to mania. +any advice or support would be helpful. thank you all who read","decreased need for sleep, difficulty taking meds:(",2 +141,"I’ve dealt with depression a lot. I hate it but it’s my normal. I recently went through 5 months of mania where I acted horrible. I did everything except have delusions of grandeur. I ended up being sexually assaulted which I believe shocked me out of it. I could’ve really hurt someone or even gotten myself killed. Now anytime I’m in a good mood I start panicking and crying thinking it’s coming back. That was my first manic episode and I was on a lot of Cymbalta during it. I also wasn’t officially diagnosed until after the fact. Im dealing with aftermath of my bad decisions and will be for at least a couple years because of the debt I racked up. I’ve been depressed all my life. Mania, however, scares me more than anything. I’m fairly certain that’s not the general consensus.",I think the worst thing about being bipolar is the mania (vent?),2 +142,I just got diagnosed as bipolar this week. I’m not really sure what to think about this and was wondering if you guys could share with me how you guys dealt with it when you got diagnosed. What does this mean moving forward? I just don’t know.,I just got diagnosed as bipolar,2 +143,"I was diagnosed bipolar 9months ago and still doubt. But after several drastic changes in my emotional state, I tried to track it through app and failed to be consistent. My approximate understanding was 3 months, as a harpies moments, and “life sucks” mode. +2023 I started really bad and wasn’t able to eat, think and shower. I sleep a lot. But January 18 I couldn’t fall asleep, was excited about smt, and thought it’s bcs of my birthday on 19th January. Nothing really happened that day, but I kept waking up 4am excited to do something and everything seemed very simple. I just accepted that I am “Porsche with no breaks” but 18th of march I started feeling terrible. I don’t use any apps or diary. It’s just feelings were so strong, and I couldn’t ignore dates and mood swing. It’s almost a week I feel anxious about nothing and I am really afraid that I am not there where I should be or I am doing smt wrong. That my family hates me. It’s hard to explain, but I take more than 6 valerians pill per day, cuz I can’t deal with ice in my stomach + +Any ideas what it can be?",Can my episodes shift on exact day every 3 months?,2 +144,"I'm having a very hard time. It's bad enough that people are staring at me in public with concerned looks on their faces. + + +I'm making total strangers uncomfortable just by my presence.",I am not well,2 +145,"I'm having a hard time right now. So I picked up my acoustic guitar and just made more noise than was in my head. Then I had to just grab a pen and paper. This is what came out... + +Tomorrow's another day +But tonight may never come +So I sit right here and now +And ponder my meaning to this life +Stru g together like a cats in the cradle string +Night has co.e and I'm full of misery +I don't think I'll ever see the sun again +My tool box scattered across the ground in disarray +I'll be leaving this world +Tho it might not be today +But it's time for the pain to fade +Reaching out to the light +From my own darkness that no one can see +What's it matter if I fade from the light +After all it's only me.. + +I don't have any thoughts of self harm right now. I just had so.e shit built up and the guitar and the writing on paper and here has made me feel so much better. If you're reading just know. You have worth. You're more valuable on this plane than you know. Have a happy day and don't forget to be awesome.",Tomorrow's another day,2 +146,"Why does my brain know when to be depressed/manic? Typically I cycle over the course of a few days at most but my psych increased my lamictal so I stopped getting depressed as often and don't really have mood issues unless I get stressed or take caffeine or something. I've been burning the candle on both ends recently and I have had frequent, and almost constant (but relatively mild) bursts of energy, with only mild dips into normal or depression. But I decided to actually get some sleep for once and now the depressive ends are hitting me really hard and the high ends are just me being normal instead of energetic. Usually I cycle over the course of a day, and I am wondering how my brain can remember that so many manic bursts happened last week. Like, is there some part of the brain that counts all my episodes and tells the other parts to be depressed? I guess I'm looking for a more brain psychology answer, not like an analysis of my behavior or anything.",Why does my brain know when to be depressed/manic?,2 +147,,What finding the right bipolar meds looked like for me. It took a year once I had the correct diagnosis. I felt like Goldilocks trying to find the right med and dose. Been on the same mix for 4 months now. 🤘,2 +148,"He has no boundaries. I tried to get a restraining order and felt bad. I’m co-dependent and I put his emotional needs before mine. He is emotionally and physically abusive. He uses my mental illness against me. + +It’s dangerous to cut him off cold turkey because he harasses and stalks me, my family, and friends.",My bf is making me have episodes | TOXIC,2 +149,"Okay so I was a freshman in college this year, and I made it until about a month ago before I had to withdraw since my mental health was awful (drinking myself to sleep every night, going out alone at 2am, not being able to get up and go to class, stuff like that). I miss my friends so much but I do feel better now that I’m home and don’t have to stress about financial stuff things (i worked as much as I could but got burnt out from doing work and school at the same time as pathetic as that sounds, I just couldn’t afford my meds for a while). + +I don’t know what I’m talking about and I’m sorry but I think I’m manic right now, I’m so tired and took a lot of sleep stuff but it’s not working I feel like I can run a marathon LMAO. I also managed to convince myself again that no one loves me and that I’m an awful person but honestly? I don’t think I’ve really done anything that bad 😭 my mind is just racing and I feel like I’m gonna freak myself out into having a panic attack 😚 + +I’m sorry if this is annoying I feel so annoying",Need support lol,2 +150,"It feels so fucking stupid how expensive it is to get treatment. I also have to get testing done to figure out pain I’ve been having and was told that the MRI would cost me $200 the appointment is at the end of the month. Just had to reschedule all my follow ups because I can’t afford it. + +I just got charged for my therapy and my vraylar too. I work at a firm but I’m underpaid. I tried to negotiate but was shot down. I’ve been looking for a better paying job but even then, with upcoming medical expenses such a physical therapy, pain medications, plus all the bipolar stuff (vraylar, Psychiatrist and therapist) and bills from a recent surgery, I’m feeling like this paycheck to paycheck type of living is my future again this year. + +I didn’t even have enough money for groceries. I can’t save to move out of my mom’s house. Just all of this is doing my mental health worse. Money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure affords piece of mind. I’m stressed and annoyed at my situation. And I KNOW I’m not the only one.",The price of mental and physical health,2 +151,"Hey guys. I’m struggling financially atm big time. Last year I had to take over 4 months off and was in hospital for 3 months due to a very severe episode. I’ve returned to work since then but part time, and I can’t seem to catch up on the costs of living with my income. The craziest thing is that I’m a doctor (registrar- speciality training) and I still don’t make enough to live. My partner is supporting me as much as possible but he’s struggling too. I feel so ashamed and defeated. I can’t work more currently as I only just increased my hours and the stress and fatigue is full on right now. I have no parental support or other supports. After graduating med school I finally had financial freedom and was doing well. My relapse last year has cost me more than my health and it’s a real struggle to go back living week to week and paycheck to paycheck- I’ve been poor my entire life apart from when I first graduated. +Is anyone else in the same boat and if so how do you come to terms with it? The situation makes me feel like I’m a failure and I feel really embarrassed. Hope everyone is doing ok and thanks to this sub.",Money troubles,2 +152,"Thinking about when I was hypomanic, one of the hardest things is that looking back on it, a lot of the stuff I said and did was really funny. I leaned into that a lot at the time and even resorted to full-on clowning and cringe humour cos it’s always been a defence mechanism for me. But underneath I was feeling desperate and really scared because I couldn’t stop talking and didn’t know what was happening to me. I knew I wasn’t in control and I thought if I could only make the people around me laugh it would all be ok. + +Now it’s over, I’ve even turned it into a kind of comedy routine but every time I go through it, I enjoy the funniness but also can’t stop thinking, “God, I was in so much pain.” Can anyone relate?",One thing I find hard,2 +153, I don't know what to add. I'm job searching and my anxiety is through the roof about this. It sucks cuz it's a great opportunity. Here's some length since apparently the body has to be longer than the title or it gets removed.,"If I listed myself as not disabled while applying for a job at a company, and listed myself as disabled while applying for a different job, will I get in trouble?",2 +154,"I’ve noticed in moments of high emotional stress I start to become unable to speak, words are flowing through my head and I feel stuck and just can’t get myself to open my mouth to speak, sometimes I am just like that until I’m able to force myself to speak again, but I’ve noticed it’s been getting really bad recently in my current relationship and I’m looking to see if this is a common problem for bipolar or if it’s something else causing it",Do you guys ever get stuck in “quiet mode”,2 +155,"Sometimes in a rush I will accidentally take my srqual by mistake in the morning… and I’m usually at work, it hits me hard .. I will usually go home but sometimes I will stay. Appearing to be drunk .Takes me all morning to work it through my system until the afternoon , after coffee .. has anyone done this before?",Oops I did it again.,2 +156,"I was diagnosed when I was 35. I’m 39 now. I have had so many 3 months jobs in the last two years. I get bored very quickly and I feel like the work isn’t challenging enough. I was recently diagnosed as ADHD and am medicated for that as well. It has still not helped. I’ve been with my current job for 6 months. I’m having the same problem. I get paid very well for what is expected of me but there’s so much down time. Hence the boredom. Does this happen to anyone else? And if so, how do you combat this feeling?",Is getting bored with your job a trait of being Bipolar?,2 +157,"Someone I really care about is tackling bipolar disorder without medication due to the expense of a psychiatrist. He’s finally in a place where he can get one but with a long waitlist in his area it’s difficult. + +It’s so hard to watch. It’s like I’m looking in a mirror and just seeing myself 3 years ago when I was at the height of my illness. The lashing out, volatile nature, hopelessness he feels hurts me horribly because I know from experience there is nothing I can do. He’s either ignoring me or can’t leave me alone, and I don’t blame that on him whatsoever. Every time he hurts my feelings rn I have to remind myself that 3 years ago I was the same way. + +It just sucks so much to watch someone you care about go through something like this knowing there is so little in support you can offer. Him and I are so desperate for him to see a psychiatrist and get stable, and are waiting anxiously for next week when it’s finally happening… but even then I know it takes a while for the meds to help. + +It just hurts so badly to see someone go through that and knowing exactly the type of pain and anger they are feeling and the helplessness of it.",I’m bipolar type 1 but getting a real wake up call on why I should stay on my meds bc of someone I care about.,2 +158,"I literally can not stay inside for longer than half a day before I feel like my mind is closing on me. + +20 years ago I isolatedyself in small room for two months literally driving myself nuts physically in my head. It wasn't thoughts more about feelings in different parts of brain. + +It use to go away as soon as I went outside but now it's been getting worse where I have to stay outside rest of day and comes on too fast. Clonazepam helps but I haven't taken it in two years.",Does anyone get bad cabin fever?,2 +159,"So it's been years like 15+ years since I've had a depression that was not a mixed episode. I'd been pretty stable tye past 3 years, but my migraines at least that's what my doctor thinks they wre (had them for years) have been getting worse. Last year I wound up in the ER with one so bad that I went from moving under my own steam to get in the door (with the worst pain in my life, made running over my foot with a one story tall steel gate feel like kiddy play) to needing help into a wheel chair cause I couldn't even stand. + +I've had 3 rounds of blood work all normal a CT scan and MRI normal. Now an oximetry test Tuesday night. (Waiting on doctor to interpret the results) and an appointment with a neurologist august 9th (soonest they had) and required taking a personal day off work cause it won't fit well in my work day. + +They've never actually gone away. Even on days I don't record as having one I low-key always have pain, just it's at a threshold tolerable enough I can for tye most part ignore it. But most days of the week I've got headache and/or the front of my ""brain"" feels like it's being prickled with pins and needles (not in pain those, thats reserved for my temples and the icepicks behind my eyes) it makes my brain mush, and makes me feel physically weak. But every appointment I have because of that they test for a stroke but I come out normal/no stroke. And my mind is mush it can't think it's way out of a wet paper bag full of holes, heck it will even struggle for forum words. + +I just feel so hopeless and empty and broken. Like a pathetic, worthless loser and failure at everything,. That I'm not worth shit. And between tye two I'm always exhausted and don't have the energy or will to do things and even when I force myself I feel like I'm shit at it. But I'm also super irritable and pissy and angry alot. So much of the time I could scream and shout but cry and beat myself in the head at the same time. I struggling very hard to use my logic and tools to get out from under all this.","Slipping Into A ""Classic"" Depression Very Weird For Me.",2 +160,"So, last year after an attempt I was diagnosed in hospital with bipolar disorder. I have been prescribed all the meds and have had continuous appointments with my GP to try and get everything settled and find a good prescription that fits what I need. + +2 months ago after having a month long manic episode, I went back to my GP in the hopes that we can really dial down into what I need. Skip forward to today and I have a phone appointment with a psych from my area (we only have like 7 in my province). After asking me approximately 10 questions he determined that I don’t have bipolar at all, but major depressive disorder and PTSD…. + +Would you go for a 3rd opinion at this point? I have had clear textbook manic episodes all throughout my life and this psych didn’t think I met the requirements to be diagnosed with bipolar, so he doesn’t believe I should be treated as such and has prescribed 200mg of Zoloft. This concerns me as I know antidepressants can lead to manic episodes. I would love your advice. ❤️",The most frustrating appointment,2 +161," + +Hi, currently I am not diagnosed, I hope it does not bother anyone, but bipolar type 2 is being suspected by my psychiatrist. And I had some doubts (I'm not asking for diagnosis) because lately I have been going through dark days, but today something extremely strange happened to me that I do not know how to name or explain to my psychiatrist. If anyone has felt this way, I would appreciate it if you could tell me about your experience please. + +I was talking with a friend about my emotions, and I remember that from one moment to the next I got caught up in a specific thought (like a delusion). And then it was like I had emotionally exploded, I felt out of myself, I started sobbing very loudly, my breathing was heavy, I couldn't control or stop myself. But it wasn't like the moment or the conversation led me to it because of the intensity, it just happened. I was hugging myself, I couldn't stand him touching me. I felt like I was getting small. I really have no idea how to explain it, but what was most impressive to me was how spontaneous it was and that feeling of not being in control of my own body. After that i felt numb and confused.",I dont know what happened to me,2 +162,"I've been to a couple of interviews and I think the interviewers just see into my soul. I want to have a job, but I can't find one. I'm too eccentric and probably I don't even care if I work or not. I feel like they see it whenever we make eye contact. They see that I would be a bad employee. + +I don't care about anything at all at this point.",Job hunting,2 +163,"TW: Depression, nihilism, addiction, etc. + +Hi all, I’m really sorry if this post triggers anybody, please don’t read if you’re prone to being triggered by content relating to depression/despair. + +With that in mind, how the fuck am I supposed to be excited about living the rest of my life? I’m only 23 years old, and I’m so goddamn tired. The older I get, the more acutely aware I get of just how wrong my brain is. I try so hard, and it can’t be fixed? As we all know. I’m on medication, but in a few months I’ll be off my moms insurance and I CANNOT afford private insurance. I know everyone says we NEED to be on meds, and I agree. I need to be on meds. But staring down the barrel right now, I know I cannot and will not be able to just a while from now. And I hate this fucking disorder so much, because all it does is lie to you. I can’t trust my happiness or my sadness or my apathy. I am genuinely so exhausted of managing these feelings, and it gets worse every year as I get more and more compounded “adult” stress. How am I supposed to want to go on like this? And no I am not at risk of ending my life, I have too much guilt and shame to think of doing that to my family, but that just compounds the pain of existing for no reason beyond obligation. How do you all do it? Why do you all do it? Literally any input or advise or comment is appreciated to help me feel maybe just a little less alone, sorry for being so whiny.",How am I supposed to look forward in life?,2 +164,"I've been taking Lamictal for three years now. From the beginning it has been apparent that I am allergic to it. A very strange kind of reaction, my hands start to burn (inside my skin, if you touch my hands they are normal temperature), and then they start to itch. They burn and itch so much I end up putting them under water constantly. + +I started taking some antihistamines with it and I've been ok for three years. This med has changed my life, like entirely. It made me stable, able to hold a job, and so much more. I can't live without it. + +But recently, my hands started to itch again. Slowly. I take my antihistamine in the evening, I'm fine all day long the following day, and then in the evening it starts to itch again. My overall skin as well. + +I'm worried I will have to stop taking my Lamictal. It has been wonderful. No side effects whatsoever. If I stop taking it, I won't take any other medication because I don't want to gain weight, or hurt my kidneys. + +Have any of you gone through something similar? With allergies? I talked to a pharmacist when I started doing this and they told me I couldn't become resistant to antihistamines. I'm starting to doubt this...",Allergic to Lamictal,2 +165,"Trigger warning so much sad shit mention of suicide + + + + + + + + + + +This last two ish years have been the worst of my life starting may 2021 my father committed suicide followed by two weeks later my 21 year old cousin, this is the third family suicide. Flash forward to May 2022 I drove myself to the hospital fearing Id be alone and unable to be safe on the anniversary of his death. This is the occasion where I actually learned im bipolar and have been on the wrong meds for 12 years. Im a 34(f), I have lots of beautiful things about my life, a husband a dog a ridiculous garden. But man I dont know how to not feel completely daunted looking both forward and back and having one really solid year of stability in my brain with various other degrees of stability but lots of struggle just to float. How do I not just feel angry and scared that I have to live in this body in this brain with this trauma for the rest of it?",The Daunting Task of Living,2 +166,"I've been needing to get my oil changed for the past 1,000 miles and my headlight has been out for at least a month + +Today I finally got my oil changed, my headlights replaced, and even changed my car air filters! + +I think I'll even get my tabs renewed!",Proud of myself! Being responsible and getting stuff done!,2 +167,"I'm not throwing a pity party here I just genuinely want to know if other people have done this too. I have spent so much money over the years racked up a lot of debt. I've only been stable for the past month or so thankfully to lithium, but my monthly expenses are nearly equal to my income. I can no longer afford my home that my family currently resides in. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I ever let my spending get so bad, but I guess that's where being on no medication can hurt you. I submitted a loss mitigation application to my mortgage company and got a letter from my psychiatrist stating that I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1. Is anyone else in the same boat or have been here before?",I'm at risk of losing my home,2 +168,"I’m assuming this is fairly normal with BP but I’m so sick of dark obsessive, ruminating thought patterns even during relative stability. It seems like every week it’s something else; death/dying of loved ones, someone being hurt, losing my partner and awful thoughts of not being good enough to be loved. I feel like BP is such a hindrance to me enjoying life fully, it’s like a new obsession every week and I’m so sick of it.",Dark obsessive thoughts,2 +169,"I know! + +I see it, + +My life is propelled, + +A mandate from heaven, + +Audience anticipates it, + +They clap until it sounds like thunder, + +Grasping their bellies until they roll out of their chairs, + +“He’s doing it again! Another meltdown.” + +Born and grew with a face of a child, + +“You’re so cute!” + +Seems peculiar but I sure found something for my phenotype, + +They pay for my dinners, + +They buy me flowers, + +Made me feel secure when I was not stable, + +I like to be treated, + +Like to be shown you care, + +Then I feel intolerable, + +And have been called things for a previous lifestyle, + +Maybe I am what I am told I am, + +What brings admiration and material turns to my curse, + +For when I fall apart and turn to a spectacle… + +It is something to merely laugh at, + +Frustration and cries for help get treated as hysterical, + +Suicidal ideation and attempts get treated as mere pouts, + +Nothing that serious, + +Even more certain I have no right to myself.",Anticipated,2 +170,,Made a miniature japanese tea garden while experiencing cyclothymic highs and lows. Thoughts? 😊🌸,2 +171,Asking to be hopeful because I'm sure I'm going through mania right now and I was only out of depression for like 2 weeks before this hit. I really hope there's a chance I won't flip back there. I'm still trying to get my habits back in place that I fell out of and really can't afford to be screwed with depression for another 6+ weeks.,Does your mania/hypomania ALWAYS end with depression after? Or has there been times where it hasn't for you?,2 +172,,When everything in life kinda sucks but you're good at making fried chicken,2 +173,"Bipolar 1. Been diagnosed for 20 years. Treatment resistant depression and anxiety, with migraines. + +I have no quality of life. The world/people/TV/movies drive me crazy, give me migraines. Severe depression and severe anxiety. Nothing works. I’m like a freakazoid. Miserable day in day out. Trapped like I’m shackled in a dungeon. Isolated. And I can’t break out. + +I’ve tried everything. Meds. ECT. TMS. Ketamine. Talk therapy. + +ECT was effective, but the effects only lasted for 2 weeks at a time. My doc made me stop after around 30 ECTs for fear of long term side effects (memory/cognitive issues). But I have memory/cognitive issues from my depression. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. + +I have suicidal ideation. I feel trapped.",Tired of being sick,2 +174,"Then of course there’s the shame spiral which leads to drinking which leads to binging and purging which is expensive and I won’t have money because I didn’t go to work. Someone stop this ride I want to get off. + + +How do you make yourself go to work?",I can’t make myself go to work,2 +175,,posted one of these last month. i was definitely right about me thriving /j,2 +176,"I'm not always sad during my low phases, but during them, I often have middling energy and take numerous naps, which almost border on narcolepsy. Recently, I've been reorganizing my house, but I feel held back because I have errands to run in town and feel too tired to do so. This is compounded by my being proactive into March until I had two breakdowns weeks ago, and sleeping off my problems might be a possible coping method. + +Much of this has had me recall my first year of high school, where I was deeply depressed and often slept during and after school, whereas I was highly energetic and consistently worked in my junior and senior years. + +Does anyone else here have similar experiences? ",How do you manage being tired during depressive episodes?,2 +177,"I can't tell if it's placebo or not but I already feel slightly more productive. Finally got around to renewing my library card, I've been meaning to for the past 3-5 weeks but got discouraged when I had called on a day they were closed and didn't feel like doing it even when I knew they were open. I'm also playing more of my video games, even though it was only 2 games, it's still a huge step for me. I'm excited to see my hobbies come back. Hopefully I'll finally go outside on a walk on my own eventually, it's been a few years + +I'm also taking Lithium, which used to work for my depression. I've pretty much been taking only Lithium for the past 5 years and never thought I'd see the day I add another pill. I'm glad I wasn't scared about taking something new either",I started Wellbutrin yesterday,2 +178,"So I shared in my first post here that my Dr put me on Latuda to help control my Bpd symptoms. I went 3 days with it, nothing major had the Hypersalivation that's listed and some good sleep (finally). + +Then my body seemed to betray itself, violently getting sick to the point of dehydration and muscle cramps that took surgical grade narcotics to calm my body down from. + +Turns out I am 1:150 that have a sensitivity to one of the ingredients in the medicine. I have now been switched to Vraylar, tonight is day 1. Hopefully it helps silence the million voices in my head and let's me sleep and keeps me from having any violent side effects. + +Sorry if I'm just rambling on, Ive noticed this is one of the safer places to talk about these things without judgement or being approached by the ""Internet Dr.s"".",Wrong medicine,2 +179,"lamotrigine started giving me a rash & now i have to go to the ER during finals week & yea. lamotrigine helped me get out of bed but that’s it. i’m still depressed but enough to do anything about it, bad or good. i’m just here. im probably better off not on my meds so im flushing everything",getting off my meds,2 +180,I was recently switched from Latuda (which was free with my insurance) I was switched to lurasidone for some reason and it’s 100.00. There’s no way I can actually afford this and I’m doing so well it’s just so upsetting I don’t know what to do.,Can hardly afford medication,2 +181,"Taking a day off work for the second week in a row. I am not over on sick days or anything but I still feel like my manager is going to start asking questions. + +White collar field. I think my depression stems from the fact I got passed up for a promotion I was promised last week. Have lost all motivation to work for this firm. + +I can feel myself slipping into a depressive episode. Sigh. I hate navigating the professional world.",Too depressed to go to work…,2 +182,I randomly get this overwhelming feeling of deep disgust when I get reminded I have a functioning body full of organs and tissue etc and I get this urge to just rip out everything I’ve come close to it once but I’m usually around people since I lack any privacy anywhere which I’m not complaining to a extent but I had this same breakdown in front of my new bf and couldn’t stop crying I tried to explain the fear and disgust but he was super freaked out and couldn’t understand I don’t understand it myself I just recently signed up for therapy again since I’ve noticed more frequent episodes but therapy doesn’t give me answers why I feel this way and I I’m constantly asking myself questions and it causes migraines frequently my brain is so fried at this point I feel like it’s just lying to me constantly,Bipolar depression got off meds 3 years ago,2 +183,I get shaky due to nerves and ptsd from time to time but I’ve started to notice after my visit to my therapist office that I’m extremely shaky even though I feel fine. Anyone else experience this?,"Anyone here get the shakes before, during and after visits to therapist?",2 +184,"I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in December after my first major manic episode that ended in hospitalization. Since then I have been taking my medication (Hydroxyzine and Abilify), up until about a month ago. I don’t like the sedated feeling medication gives me and I feel abilify takes away the flare of my personality. I have been stable up until this week and I feel a depressive episode coming, it’s a extremely unique feeling that is so recognizable to me. I am losing all motivation and joy in my life. Is there anything I can do to prepare for this and any advice on what I can do to do the least damage to my life as possible.",I can feel a depressive episode coming,2 +185,"I know many of us question our diagnosis but it’s more difficult when you’ve had a manic episode with delusions. +But sometimes i can still talk myself into believing the diagnosis isn’t real and that those weren’t delusions. +I thought it was a spiritual awakening when it was happening and that I was one with god and had to save humanity. Anyway- DAE who’s had mania with delusions sometimes doubt their diagnosis?",Bipolar 1 type mania,2 +186,"I've asked a question to you guys in the past regarding the end goal of being medicated. I'm on 1200mg of lithium carbonate, 250mg Divalproex and 150mg Bupropion HCL XL every other day. I've noticed a good improvement on this cocktail, most recently upped the dose of lithium to 1200mg and I felt like I was doing better, but it's been 3 months and I've had 2 episodes since the increase....These episodes are usual at this time of year so it didn't cause them, but they're still there, a bit more manageable and definitely not ruining my life like before, but I do not feel like a normal functioning human being. I'm still experiencing mania, but I'm able to stop myself from spending excess money and I am able to notice the energy I'm expending so I can force myself to relax here and there so I'm not deprived. I still sleep less, but enough to function so that's good. I can't stop myself from picking up my phone and googling everything on the planet that comes to mind...I feel like I have ADD or something, literally no focus at all which is not good for work. I still have significant periods of anxiety and stress about nothing and I'm finding this hard to manage, and the depression is still there, but my body no longer feels like cement, although I'm usually tired even after sleeping 10-14hrs. I can still force myself to get up and do stuff like clean, shower, etc. But I'm extremely miserable about it and everything else that doesn't involve sleeping., I don't cry omw to work, during work and while showering anymore, I don't have ""those scary thoughts"" anymore and I can keep a gym schedule although during my depressive periods the amount of gym sessions I get in are significantly less. +Is this it or should I keep trying to find a better state to be in? I mean I can live with it, but it sucks to go through this rollercoaster of emotions and energy expending and depleting, even if it's just a mid-sized one. I cancel a lot of plans on friends often because the way I feel when making them is not how I feel when the date arrives, I still have these insane urges to make plans with people and go out and socialize, shop, google search like mad and try new stuff, I still sleep less and more depending on what stage I'm in, I still overstress over everything and panic, I still feel drained and prefer to be alone and do nothing for a month or so straight. +I should add that before increasing the lithium, my Dr suggested lamictal, but the potential deadly rash side effect and the interaction with birth control pills terrified me so I decided to go with the lithium increase.",Do I keep looking for a medication that works or is this as good as it gets?,2 +187,"I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m not a good fit for my field of study. It’s deliriously stressful and triggers episodes without fail. I’ve always been ambitious and driven to succeed but while job hunting I‘m realizing that I want and need to go at a slower pace. My memory ain’t what it used to be, and the cognition ain’t the same. My job came home with me; I went to bed and woke up with it, on top of having a family. I haven’t worked in nearly a year and half due to burnout. + +Anyone else experience being happier with…less? I think I’d be happy stocking shelves at this point.",I have a Master’s degree and I just want to stock shelves,2 +188,"My back hurts. Cogent is a funny word. I'm against things being complicated. + +15 minutes left. This game is for the young. + +12 minutes. What actually does this accomplish? + +10 minutes. I wrote a line, go me! + +2.5 minutes left. I'm hitting post.",I'm struggling on the edge of an episode and rambling here to stay cogent while I wait for a timer to finish.,2 +189,"Mine in 2022 - bought a house in February/ same month husband got into motorcycle accident and broke his leg, had to handle the logistics of the move myself - while working part time. Moved into new house, son had a seizure shortly after. Decided to get a new job while husband attended physical therapy, then found out husband was switched to nights. I then switched my job again to accommodate his hours, didn’t see each other often and I wasn’t going to bed until 12 am when I got off work at 11:30pm. + +July-December I was out of my mind. Hospitalized at end of November.",What life stressors threw y’all into a recent episode?,2 +190,Anyone prescribed kpins daily long term for anxiety with bipolar? I’m not super convinced psychs like to prescribe benzos long term for daily use but I’m taking it along w lamictal and Seroquel rn and the klonapin is really helping slow my mind and help me function. I’m afraid my psych won’t let me be on it long term even if it’s working. Just wondering your experience??,Klonapin?,2 +191,"I’ve been “diagnosed” bipolar 1 for 3 years now, I’m 31. I put diagnosed in quotes because I had to come to the conclusion to my therapist and doctor and they just put me on antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. My aunt had bipolar 1 and is on disability. I just can’t accept it though, sometimes I get upset and have really bad days and sometimes I make a shit ton of art, I feel great, I’m cleaning like a mother fucker and I feel untouchable for a few days, when in a good mood I don’t have trouble sleeping but I can run off of 4 hours of sleep no prob. I know I crash though, I fall deep into depression and contemplate doing the worst. I’m off medications and I’ve been through 4 therapists because I end up hating them, I’ve been through 2 case managers because the first one was an idiot and wanted me to fill out paper work with her at a library which made me uncomfortable as hell. My second case manager (I’m on SMI) -Serious mental illness- under being approved by the state as such. So my second case manager didn’t get back to me for two weeks so I’m a rage I’m in the process of changing facilities to get services from, I have no friends. Absolutely none, I constantly fight with my boyfriend, he calls me a psychopath because I don’t feel empathy. I’m starting to think that there isn’t really any hope to get better for me. To be on medication for the rest of my life? On antipsychotics that make me fatso and feel like I’m passing out? Yay, sounds like a life worth living for sure. Lol. Therapy isn’t working, my last therapist tried to report me for being suicidal. And she never wanted to talk about my trauma, she instead would talk about herself and her wife. Ma’am I don’t care about you or your life. I’m the problem and people don’t want to deal with you when they find out your bipolar, that’s what I’ve learned. I can’t accept that I’m bipolar, something non my brain tells me I’m just broken from abuse. I don’t know anymore. I’m sober for 3 years and life is worse.",I can’t accept it,2 +192,"Hey! Thanks for taking the time on my post. Does anyone here have life insurance? I recently started looking and everything I have found asks specifically if you have ever been diagnosed bipolar. I’m doing some internet research right now but if anyone knows anything please let me know. +Thanks",Life insurance policy/with bipolar diagnosis,2 +193,"God I hate this feeling. I woke up after just a few hours of sleep, cleaned my bathroom and kitchen, did laundry, vacuumed and did a lil’ workout. I felt so energized and full of electricity, but then everything just crashed and now I’m just laying in bed, feeling all depressed and anxious. I started taking my meds again (ran out of them and was raw dogging life for about a month) so I shouldn’t feel this way, right? I have to leave for work in an hour and just can’t get up",Finally had the energy to do something and then I crashed,2 +194,,"After weeks and weeks, the lack of motivation finally lifted today :)",2 +195,"so i’ve been on lamictal for like 15 years on and off, it’s been the only med that’s actually worked for me. but something i’ve noticed that i’ve never really discussed with anyone because it’s never actually been a serious problem is the insane dreams it causes me to have. i know for a fact it’s the lamictal because all the times i’ve gone off it, the dreams stop. when i go back on it they start up again. they are SO vivid, i always remember every detail. none of them make sense or have any deeper meaning. sometimes they’re just weird but other times they’re scary, which is fine because i know it’s just a dream but it does rattle me. anyway just curious if this is a common thing? anyone else have weird ass lamictal dreams???",lamictal dreams,2 +196,"Hi, I think 3 months ago I came here to ask you what being stable was like and if what I was feeling could actually be tagged as such. Only one person answered, but he was saying exactly what I was ""feeling"". + +Now I'm here, I've been drowning in anxiety, the meds I used only for emergency are now fixed. With a double dose. And I'm like????? What is going on? + +Yes. I got better, Depakene really did wonders, but I don't know how to deal with this under my skin crawling feeling that there is a storm inside that I can't let out because it's blocked. My mom said I'm a healthy woman, why do I even need therapy for? When I'm like this, seriously? + +Is this just anxiety? Am I into a hypomanic episode and don't know because I'm supposed to be stable? + +I have no clue. I'm tired. I fought for years to find meds who'd shut bipolar up and now that I have it does not look any easier. + +Sorry for the rant. I'm just tired.",Is stability supposed to be difficult?,2 +197,"Hey all. The last few days have been really rough so I’m chalking all of this up to just exhausted bipolar brain in overdrive, but I need some advice/help here. For the last few months I’ve been seeing “222” pop up EVERYWHERE. Busses, signs, takeout orders, etc. I’d been telling myself that it was just regular old pattern recognition, up until the last few days. Yesterday, on 3/22/23, my mother passed at 2:22am. Obviously this has just sent me in to a massive spiral of “it was a sign”, and I was hoping others who have experienced similar phenomena/thinking has any advice or insight on what this might “mean” or what I can do to get through this. Any and all advice is welcome and appreciated.",Reading too much in to “signs”?,2 +198,"After being hospitalized for a Mixed Episode in 2020, I felt like a blank slate. I had gotten so dysfunctional to the point that I gave up on writing and drawing. I'm still learning who I am, but for the first time in my life, I want to be alive.",I've started drawing again for the first time in 5 years. I just wanted to share!,2 +199," I'm going apologize ahead for punctuation but I will try. I am 43 M luckily been married to a wonderfully patient woman for 20 years, my entire life I have messed everything up including a military career and thought it was just who I am. I have been in and out of hospitals and thought everyone else was crazy, I have been diagnosed and accept that I am bipolar but I don't want it to define me its hard when I hear people around me say ""that explains so much"". How do I keep from Bipolar becoming who I am.",How to keep from being defined by being bipolar,2 +200,"I don't know why Im like this, I love my partner more than anything and i can't think rationally, i can't communicate well, I;m so scared that they're plotting against me or they're going to get tired of my episodes and break up with me, or find me just so, so unbearable. I can't even ask for help from them because how am I meant to say this in a way that will show them that I love them and I'm not accusing them, and I'm not crazy and I just want to have control over myself and my emotions and my thoughts. I just want to feel happy, I want to stop making everyone miserable, I want to be in on the joke that everyone else around me is in on. I feel so scared and angry and confused",i just want to be happy and I want to make my partner happy,2 +201,"Sorry if this has already been talked about a lot, but I just realized that this is why I don't like making plans too far out into the future. + +One of my friends recently asked me if I wanted to go to a concert in August. I love the musician, and I'm sure I'd enjoy the show. But my initial honest reaction was ""I don't even know who I'll be by then."" I didn't say that out loud, but it was a clarifying moment. Does anyone else have this issue? (Probably.) + +An added unwanted effect is that this makes me come across as flaky, disorganized, or unreliable -- and I'm not saying I'm definitively NOT those things. Bums me out, though. I can use a calendar app, I swear. I just do not know how I'll be feeling a month from now. And a bunch of my friends are very ""type A,"" so it sort of compounds the issue because they love having full calendars and planning hangs weeks in advance. (Dorks.) + +Anyway, I think I'll buy tickets to this thing even if I don't end up being able to go. It's just annoying I have to incorporate this into my decision-making. I can barely RSVP to weddings with any degree of confidence. That's all. Thanks. + +*Edit: Thanks for the comments, everyone. Helped me feel less alone about it.",I don't like making plans because I don't trust my future self's mental state,2 +202,"First, thank you for reading my rant, even if you don't make it to the end... + +Life advice please... + +30f, relationship with 31m, anf we have a 9mo son. + +We lost the home we were renting back in Dec, due to mold. We've been back and forth between the in-laws since. I'm in school and he is looking for work, but also is waiting for his Bar exam results. + +I can't stand living with other people. I'm currently dealing with my mental health (Bipolar and ADHD) and it's hard to function at times. The other day I was overwhelmed by my MIL who wanted us to bring the baby over to meet some family last minute. That ended with me yelling at her when she came to the car wanting to take my son out because he was crying. I told her to worry about her children, not mine. + +This morning at 6am, I woke up to find my partner in his parents room talking. When he came back he stated ""It's me & you"" over and over. Later, he explained how no one will understand me or my Bipolar and how much weight I carry and how hard it can get for me on a daily basis. He didn't go into full details of the convo because I'm an overthinker, but him stating his parents asking if I'm in therapy or taking medications, made it obvious. That's when my partner got upset because he saw how I consistently have to deal with our families not understanding. As I told him, not many ever will. + +I hate living with the in-laws. I love them, but I don't do well with the MIL always home. Having someone consistently there and always watching what's being done with my son, being there to greet him all the time, or making opinions like ""he's hungry, he wants milk, look at this, look at that"" etc has really been getting on my nerves. To the point that now I can't stand her voice or go into a negative mood when I know she's going to be around. + +My partner and I both feel uncomfortable staying at each others parents. Financially we are unstable at the moment and were trying to figure out what our next move is... + +When my son was born, the first two weeks, we got covid. Then, after 6 months of living alone, we lose our home to mold. During Christmas, I went through a perfect storm of depression with losing the house and overwhelmed by everyone wanting to meet my son. I feel like his first year was one of the hardrst for me and I want to be able to enjoy these 3 months before he turns a year, but it's been so hard... + +SO! + +Any advice? Any recommendations on work from home? Any knowledge regarding starting a dropshipping business to earn an income? + +I need to do something because I can't keep living thi way. This is the most I've thought about suicide and that's not fair to me or my son! I'm looking for any avenue to be able to provide for my son. I miss having our own home and I miss alone time with my boys and I miss being content and feeling some happiness... HELP!",Life has left me hopeless.,2 +203,"So... I usually don't post anything on Reddit, but here we go. + +About eight months ago, I was diagnosed with BP2. I've struggled with mental health issues all my life (anxiety, depression) and developed PTSD at a pretty young age. After a few years of fluctuating emotions I went to see a psychologist, and I got my diagnosis. I was also diagnosed with asperger's syndrome back in 2019. + +I've been on a mood stabilizer (lamictal) since I was diagnosed, and it's made things easier for me, but exam season (last year of high school) is coming up and I lowkey feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm experiencing mixed moods every other week, I can't really sleep anymore, and every day I'm torn between ignoring everyone around me, freaking out, or acting friendly, because I know I shouldn't take my own mental illness out on anyone. I'm either tired, stressed, occasionally productive, or filled with a kind of self-loathing and sadness that I can't even begin to describe. I'm worried I'll be thrown straight into a depressive episode soon, because stress is my biggest trigger. Very few people (two of my friends and my immediate family) know that I'm bipolar, and I don't even want to tell **them** about how I feel right now. I think a lot of people on here can relate to that crushing feeling that you're a burden to your loved ones, even when they tell you you're not. I considered the possibility that things might get better if I told someone, but I just don't have the energy, and I don't want to let people in because I'm ashamed that I'm losing control. Explaining how I feel to someone is difficult (asperger's, yay) and there aren't many people I trust with my emotions. The people I trust are the ones I don't want to burden. + +I wanted to ask, does it get any easier? Not to board the self-pity train or anything, but I'm not even 20, and thinking about the future terrifies me. I don't want to fall apart and fake that I'm okay every time a problem arises. I don't want to isolate myself because I'm scared of affecting people. I don't want to experience all these episodes over and over again. I just... don't know what to do right now. + +Also, if anyone has any advice on how to keep going and staying productive, I'd really appreciate it. <3",Are things going to get any better?,2 +204,"I took y'all's advice, started taking my meds, quit cocaine. In a much better head space. 3 weeks clean. Thank you. I knew what to do but needed to be told to do it. +Edit: I also got a job!",Clean and taking my meds.,2 +205,Does anyone else experience these in spurts? I’ve seen research that says it could be a manic episode coming on. I haven’t remembered my dreams in a while but i’ve had a bad one every night the past four days. They always happen right before I wake up.,So many nightmares.,2 +206,"I know I've had at least one episode of what was probably psychosis because I was diagnosed with stress induced psychosis when it was happening. I don't know if that one was bipolar related or not, and I wasn't treated with anything at the time because I was still quite young and the psychiatrist didn't want to intervene with medication. + +However, I've had other symptoms since during what were probably undiagnosed manic or mixed episodes where I've started to believe things that were, retrospectively, pretty weird. Occasionally these beliefs also pop up when I'm very, very depressed. Sometimes I believe these things 100% unquestioningly, and other times I know they don't make sense but worry about them excessively anyway. Sometimes it fluctuates between the two. + +A common one for me is worrying that other people can hear my thoughts, especially if I look at them directly. I also get concerns about people working against me or talking about me behind my back to try to ruin my life. + +Another time I became convinced my childhood home was haunted and that a demon had followed me from there into my daily life. I kept seeing a figure in my room at night and I worried about speaking about him out loud in case he came for me. I still worry about this sometimes, and tbf I'm pretty sure that house really was haunted. My childhood friends and I talk about the weird slightly paranormal stuff that happened there so I'm not alone with that, but my sudden obsession with it was abnormal. + +I told a different psychiatrist about those two a while back and he said it was probably due to a combination of autism and trauma, and that it would likely go away with more EMDR. Since they kind of just left as my mood changed, he was satisfied that his therapy had worked. + +I had another one where I decided I was actually naturally nocturnal and that other people were interfering with that to purposefully make me sick and stop my plans. I completely flipped my sleep schedule for several weeks (although admittedly I wasn't sleeping very much anyway), and then fought with all my family and friends about it. + +At one point I also became very worried that other dog walkers were all talking about me on Facebook and were plotting to take my dog away. + +Another time I was certain I was dying of some horrible illness and all the medical professionals I saw weren't treating me on purpose because they wanted me to die. (I really was sick though, but the level of paranoia was weird). + +I was still somewhat functional while all of these were happening, and I wasn't hearing voices or anything for the most part. So does it really count as anything serious? Because it didn't seem that bad to me, and my family just kind of ignored it since they'd been told that the episodes were stress related and it was best not to engage. I've never told a psychiatrist about all of the thoughts because I didn't view them as relevant; until recently, I just thought they were a part of life and it was something I did when I got stressed. + +TLDR; at what point does it cross the line into actual psychosis vs ""being paranoid and having weird thoughts""? + +I'm going to be starting medication for the first time soon if all goes well. My current psychiatrist is talking about putting me on antipsychotics, but idk if these episodes are really bad enough to warrant taking an antipsychotic. I've been reading about the drugs and they sound like heavy duty stuff, and I can't tell if, for me, it's really necessary. I think I'd rather try another type of mood stabilising medication first. I don't know how I feel about all of this.",How bad does it have to be to be considered psychosis?,2 +207,"Title says it all. I dont have any friends. Noone. Everywhere I go, people don't like me, I snapchat a couple people, yeah, but when it comes down to it, I dont actually have anyone to hang out with or really talk to. I have my boss so I have one person, but its not the same. Like, say I had to have surgery tomorrow and needed a ride home, I can guarantee noone would be willing, yet id be there for them at the drop of a hat. Im miserable and im lonely and I just wish that people actually liked me enough to actually interact with me on a deeper level than just sending a picture of their face all the time with almost no dialog. I dont ever know what to talk about, and I dont want to just always talk about me because ill feel like I'm just conceited, but thats what other people talk about and they have friends and so I just don't know what im doing wrong. Im tired of it.",I have no friends,2 +208,"Does anyone else experience psychosis? i heard it was a symptom of Bipolar disorder but the link between psychosis and bipolar is only when a person is manic +I experience psychosis in both ways but mostly when im depressive states, is it normally a part of bipolar or is that an another issue altogether",Psychosis,2 +209,"So yesterday I was feeling manic. (it was a warm, sunny day) +I even got a new learning obsession. +And today I woke up... like meh. And I am feeling sleepy even though I have slept for 10 hours. +Also because I didnt respond on yesterday’s evening to somebody when I felt like I should and now everything is not the way it should be (my ocd) +I might actually deserve all of this.",There are ups and there are downs- weather changes?,2 +210,"**Hi there!!** + +**It's me again. I hope you're doing good! I'm grrrreat! I'm just writing with that sample you requested, which I will leave in the attachments. I hope you like it! I was kinda going for something different this time. If it still needs improvements, let me know. And if I can't get it right this time, then, guess I'll die! womp womp womp lol Anyway, there's was something I was specifically writing to tell you about, but I forgot. Should I remember it, be expecting another email from me! Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to shave my legs in the front yard as it's a lovely day.** + +**Have a bitchin' Wednesday!** + +And looking back at old emails, it's just pages of this shit.",Trying to write an Email while Manic like:,2 +211,Also I finally slept! May have only been 5 hours but I'll take it,Another drawing from a prev episode,2 +212,"Antone have gastroparesis an bipolar what medications are you able to take without them getting you sick? + +My psychiatrist wants me on lamotrigine an remon known as mirtazapine. + +He's only putting me on one antidepressant because of my lack of sleep at night . An that's my mania",Gastroparesis & Bipolar,2 +213,"I was spending time with a friend today, felt totally normal and good in the conversation, im very close to her and feel very comfortable. then one of our other friends came over that i’m still comfortable with, but not as comfortable and I noticed it wasn’t as “easy” for me. It felt like I was trying so hard to be present, that I wasn’t present. Like I was putting so much energy into having energy and smiling and being engaged but I wasn’t. I felt off, weird, and robotic. + +I feel like this happens a lot to me whenever I hang out with other people who aren’t my usual group of 3 friends, even if I am “comfortable” with them. Or even sometimes in group settings when I can’t keep up with the energy of the group or my energy is too big in the group, but not so much one on one. + +Any idea why this is happening to me? Is this masking?",is this masking?,2 +214,"i just saw something that really affected me and emotion consumed me. i immediately wanted to harm myself. + +are all our emotions stronger than others? or am i dramatic and only experience clinically strong emotions in episodes?",do we experience every single emotion stronger than others?,2 +215,"Can consent for sexual acts be given during psychotic manic episodes? Visual hallucinations seeing other people's faces on different people, auras around people, massive delusions, euphoria, etc involved. How debilitated must one be to not be able to give consent?",Sexual consent during psychotic manic episodes,2 +216,"Long story short, I had to leave a job after only six months because of a medicine induced manic episode and subsequent diagnosis. So it doesn’t look so bad like I just quit a job (I actually did turn in a two week notice) could I use the bipolar, or just general mental health issue as my reasons with recruiters and hiring managers? Just wondering if anyone else has been through this, because I’m sure I’m not alone.",Work absence and diagnosis,2 +217,"So this is related to bipolar medication, I’m on 500mg ER quetiapine, I take it every night, however, I had to pull an all nighter for class so I misses the dose last night. However, I get symptoms if I don’t take the quetiapine at the same time each night, so I had to take it in the morning because I started getting symptoms. Basically I don’t think I can even get to class right now because I’m so out of it, normally I sleep after taking it so I forgot how crazy the side effects can be especially because I haven’t have food in awhile. So , do I go to lab in this zombie state, or tell my professor I’m sick and miss lab, while probably inconveniencing everyone who have helped me lots this semester and been very accommodating.im worried too bc it would mess up my lab schedule, and my report is due in a week . But i dont think i can go out an d function right now",Should I tell my professor I’m sick and miss lab?,2 +218,"This is obviously a joke. Why are therapies so expensive? I acknowledge that therapists work hard to be qualified, but my insurance barely covers it. The relief I feel after every session is counteracted by the anxiety for the amount on the invoice. + +I wish I could get the help I need without having to sacrifice half of my paycheck.",I wish I could date a therapist to receive free therapy.,2 +219,,an update on my piece. what mania feels like,2 +220,I’m new to this sub so let me first thank you all for this wealth of information you all have been so kind to share. Like the title says my friend feels as though she has been bullied and ostracized from her fellow coworkers since coming forward with her bipolar diagnosis. Who can we turn to that will advocate for her rights?,My friend feels she’s is being outcast after advocating for neurodivergent individuals,2 +221,"So I have been feeling pretty down the past few weeks. It could be a lot of things that triggered it. However, I did recently start taking birth control for pcos. I'm beginning to wonder if they can have an effect on our moods. I'm still taking all my other medicine, but I can't shake this feeling of sadness and exhaustion.",can hormonal birth control trigger depression for us?,2 +222,"Hey everyone, to start I’m a 21 year old female living in the United States. I come from a family that has a close history of Bipolar and ADHD. My grandfather has pretty severe bipolar and due to his refusal to fake traditional medication he’s an addict and has been separated from my family since I was a child. + +I’ve shown signs of being bi-polar for a very long time now, was diagnosed with ADHD, got on the meds for that, but still struggled significantly. I knew everything I was experiencing pointed to Bipolar II, but with it being so taboo in my family after my grandpas actions I refused to ever admit it. +However now after talking with my psychiatrist he strongly believes I am bipolar and we will start a more in depth diagnosis beginning soon. + +I have mixed feelings, I’ve known that this was most likely the answer but I didn’t want it to be true. I hate that I have to be the one in my family to carry the “bipolar” role, I know they will look down on me and assume I’ll end up the same way that my grandpa did.","Just started the process of getting diagnosed, I’ve spent years in denial despite obvious signs",2 +223,"I’ve been researching trust issues and coping mechanisms and an article I read brought up bipolar disorder and how trust issues can be indicative of bipolar. I have a lovely partner but I can’t scrape it from me to trust him, no fault of his own. He has done nothing to betray my trust. How have you trusted healthy partners after the bad ones? Im trying very hard not to ruin this but alas I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.",Trust issues,2 +224,"I'll start: +1. When I'm down: M*A*S*H* (the nostalgia and predictability, classic style characters are comforting for me) +2. When I'm up: The Simpsons (I'm really familiar and can keep it on in the background while doing something else or leave and come back without issue).",What's your go-to comfort show when you're down and what's your show for when you're up? Any particular reason?,2 +225,"I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips for coping with extreme self loathing. + +I'm medicated and in therapy, but neither of these things seem to help when the self hatred hits me hard. I guess this would be considered a depressive episode, but i don't really get manic anymore, so who really knows. + +I just hate myself so much that it makes me suicidal. I wish i was someone else entirely or that i just didn't exist. I've hated myself for most of my life. Probably since puberty and realizing i didn't look like the other girls and i was weird. I never fit in. I was always overweight and not conventionally pretty. Thru out my teen years i made so many bad choices - drop out, ex junkie then teen mom. Such an undesirable life. I can't even fathom how anyone could possibly love me. Stupid, crazy, ugly failure me. I'm 34 years old and i still feel like that little outcast kid that no one cared about. + +Can anyone relate? Did anything work for you?",Dealing with self-loathing?,2 +226,"Is your depressive episode caused by + +specific life event (triggering event) + +or + +flow of time and biological cycle? + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +mine is caused by specific life event (triggering event) + +and idk how other people go thru depressive episodes + +i am recently diganosed (my doc was confused about my symptoms and tracked me for a long time) + +and i want to be educated + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +thank you so much and hope yall have a good day",I have question about your depressive episode,2 +227,,Journal entry i made for visualizing good health,2 +228,"weed man. i dont get withdrawals when i stop or anything i just struggle so bad with controlling it. i promised myself i’d take this week off of smoking and from here on out at least taking 2 days off a week, but i’ve already smoked 3 times this week. it’s the only fucking thing that keeps my moods under control when im home as my family is extremely toxic. i don’t want this to turn into my old habits. :(",i cant stop smoking.,2 +229,,"During one of psychotic episodes, I felt helpless and not understood so I created a self timer picture.",2 +230,"Just diagnosed after coming down from a hypomanic episode that resulted in a LOT of binge drinking. Is alcohol out of the question for someone like me? I am starting medication tomorrow and while I know I have a problem, I am hoping I can still participate in the occasional wedding/birthday champagne toast. :(",do you have to abstain from alcohol with this disorder?,2 +231,"I’d really love to hear from other women who have bipolar and went ahead with having kids. How is that going for you? Do you enjoy being a mom? Is it manageable? + +I’m a woman in my early 30s and got married last year. It feels like everyone around me is having babies and I’m really trying to figure out if I want one. I feel like I could be happy/sad either way. I just started listening to an audio book about trying to decide about kids and I had to turn it off because it was making me cry. + +My husband is sort of happy to go with whatever decision I make. I know nobody is “making” me make this decision, but I don’t want to hit 40 and just say oops guess I never did that. I really just want to make up my mind either way.",Are you a mom? How is that going?,2 +232,"Long story short, after a very difficult few months and then the death of a friend, I am not doing well. My therapist is asking that I seek a higher level of care, which I am pursuing (hoping for an IOP group spot to open up soon). I do know the ER is there if things get too serious before then, but I’m trying to avoid that if possible. + +I think I can finally admit that a lot of my thoughts lately are suicidal. Not sure why I couldn’t say that for so long, but the fog has lifted enough that it’s become clear. I haven’t felt this sick in nearly 10 years, since before my bipolar II diagnosis. I have no intention of acting on those thoughts but they are there nearly constantly. + +But the weird thing is, my anxiety suddenly disappeared recently. I don’t feel “normal” or free from anxiety… almost like the anxiety left and was replaced by a strange, calm apathy. I no longer fear death, and I haven’t noticed myself feeling nervous about anything. It feels almost like when the anxiety left, it almost gave the suicidal thoughts “permission” to be there. I’m not scared anymore. + +It’s been a weird feeling, and I guess I’m curious if anyone else has felt something like this? It feels confusing and I think I’m trying to make sense of it.",Anxiety and fear suddenly gone,2 +233,"I'm M30, from Brazil and fortunately we have not the best health care provide by a government, but it’s something. So on… I’m been diagnosed as bipolar a 3 years ago a now a new doctor that met in last December took my case and I feelling she is doing her best to help me. I’m taking Lithium 900mg, Depakene 1500mg, Rivotril 0,5 mg (if panic attacks ou a huge anxiety crisis) and plus zolpidem 10mg for sleep. We started very low, I tried a few days only with lithium and it puts me in a major depression, then we started Depakene, kind help, but I’m still feeling stuck in my depressive cycle. My question to all of you is: how long did you take meds until your stability? I swear I can’t hold on anymore. I want be the person I used to be, have a job, have some dreams, take care of my appearance etc. TAB is so fucking unfair, how I hate TAB.",I need some warm people with me,2 +234,I began taking Lamotrogine 15 days ago and I've been looking for any changes I've seen in myself ever since then. I notice that I do feel a little more disciplined or maybe even stable but I'm unsure whether or not I'm just having a good week or it's the medication. My doctor said I would likely feel a difference in four weeks so I'm keeping that in mind but I just wanted to see what everyone else's experience with the medication was.,How quick did your medication begin working for you?,2 +235,,Bipolar Tattoo (Colored in),2 +236,,current feels... living on a college budget b/c of my bad financial decisions during mainia *sigh*,2 +237,"I should give it up right? +Because I’m kind of agitated/ amped up now and I should already be asleep. +Ideas for helping to calm down/ go to sleep? + +Tell me all about your experiences with caffeine and coffee, fellow bipolar people. + +One of the trains of thought running through my head right now is in my own language (gibberish) which makes me think maybe I can’t blame this all on coffee lmao",Midday coffee?,2 +238,"Maybe this is just me, but I’ve noticed two types of mania I experience that I’ve dubbed ‘empty’ mania and ‘full’ mania. + +‘Empty’ mania (which I’m currently in, in case this is illegible) is like I’m floating and everything’s hilarious and but I also begin to dissociate and question whether I’m real/anything around me is real. + +‘Full’ mania is like my body is too heavy and too alive, and I’m too irritable to socialize with most people without snapping at them, and it’s almost like my body is too big for my skin, if that makes sense, and I feel everyone’s eyes staring into my too-big body. + +Again, maybe that’s just me, but it’s helped me be able to better track my moods like this.",Different types of mania,2 +239,"Last night as I laid down to sleep and had my eyes closed, I had something that felt like a dream, but it was something that happened just before I feel asleep. I lucidly thinking about the experience as it was happening. + +I’ll start off with what I think it was. I think it was a new kind of suicidal ideation. + +I’m not religious at all, but this dreamlike feeling was full of images that felt like a type of beautiful afterlife, like a heaven or something. It was sweeping land and seascapes that looked like something off of an Asia album cover. Everything was iridescent. And I was flying high above it all loftily and effortlessly. It felt like the scenes from the Lost Boys when you see the vampires’ POV as they fly. + +It looked so real, and so perfect and peaceful, and I felt like it was calling me to it. I began to speak to it. I said, “please.. if this is it, please take me.” “Please take me away from this.” + +Usually if I have SI, it’s miserable and darkly depressing. + +It felt like the SI was being cunning and alluring this time.",I had the strangest feeling last night.,2 +240,It's the only symptom I don't experience with hypomania. It's actually the opposite—I am so high strung and hyperfixated on so many things that I completely forget about sex. I am not asexual in any way but the idea is just so unappealing during my episodes. I've never seen anyone share this sentiment and am left wondering if it's really that uncommon?,Zero sex drive while hypomanic,2 +241,"hi!! i got diagnosed + medicated back in November. currently on 200mg lamotrigine. my mood swings have slowed down, however i’ve been noticing ive been more depressed as of late and going onto day 4 of feeling like this. + +im currently unsure if it’s because im not on the right meds or the amount of pressure im under rn. i feel horrible bc i havent been going to any of my college classes these past 2.5 weeks. i have also not been completing assignments which is also bringing me down. i just dont have the energy for it rn. the stress im under is due to my grades dropping and the possibility of me losing my full ride scholarship + +we went on spring break and i was the happiest ive ever been w/o being manic. once school kicked in ive been sleeping in all day. i really think my episode is due to stress rather than my meds. but god it sucks so badly. it just reminds me of how bad my episodes used to be. + +idk anymore. im feeling so miserable and useless. i wish i could get back on my feet but it feels impossible.",bad depressive episode due to stress from college,2 +242,"I'm on amisulpride 150mg, Valproate 1gm and Lamotrigine 100mg, but for a week or so I have this feeling of dread and frustration related to work which makes me not able to go to work. + +I very well know that it's an irrational fear, but I can't get over the strong emotion pulling me from attending work. +Ive tried DBT which hasn't helped. + +Its starting to become frustrating now. Worse still is I've had these episodes since the past few months so much so that I've been to work on and off, and not consistently. + +I work as a doctor in a large hospital. + +Has anyone else felt this way, and what has helped y'all to get out of it? +Is it part of depression or am I doing this to myself? Sometimes I doubt this too.",Feeling of dread and frustration related to work. Need advice.,2 +243,"this sucks. i feel like a stranger. + +it feels like everyone has stronger or more intense symptoms than i do. my therapist keeps telling me that labels arent everything and that she treats the individual not the diagnosis. it made me feel like crap when she said that. like the diagnosis, the name, the labels i always chased to get that sense of validation we’re all meaningless. + +and now i keep thinking that something is wrong with me. but maybe it’s not BP2? + +my psychiatrist is tapering me off lexapro and will be adding lamotrigine soon. i am week 5 on wellbutrin. she wouldn’t be doing this is there wasn’t something actually on the bipolar spectrum right?",imposter syndrome sucks,2 +244,"You aren’t your thoughts. You just experience them. Just like how we have mental illness, but we aren’t the illness. It’s a disease just like cancer. You don’t see cancer patients saying “I am cancer”. They say they have cancer. + +I think saying “I’m bipolar” makes it seem like I’m saying that it’s my identity. I remind myself all the time that bipolar is not an identity, its just a journey that I’m on. A journey that is different than anyone else’s.",You aren’t your thoughts.,2 +245,"I guess you could say I’ve done a lot in my lifetime, but I feel like I’ve just failed a lot. Before I was diagnosed I was on the fast track to be a lawyer at 22. That didn’t happen and now I am divorced and jobless with a useless bachelor’s degree. I can’t take classes at my community college because I can’t afford them. I can’t take university classes because I’ve dropped classes so many times they won’t give me financial aid. I have terrible credit and I am deep in credit card, personal, and student loan debt. I try getting jobs but don’t stay at them for more than a few months. I just can’t bring myself to do things I don’t want to do. Even if it’s something I need to do to survive I will still just quit. That’s why I’m in such a bad spot. I don’t know what to do with my life. People say just get a flexible part-time job doing easy stuff, but if I don’t enjoy it I will literally quit two months in. My parent’s have been supporting me my entire life, even when I was married (my ex was a loser). I feel so bad for them to have this failure of a child. I’m not eligible for disability because I haven’t worked enough hours and I'm not eligible for SSI because my parents provide me with everything. Not that I could live off of either of those anyways. I’m so frustrated with myself. I'm not sure if I have any hopes or dreams left. I don’t know if I need advice or just to vent, but here I am.",What am I doing with my life.,2 +246,"I was reading the post about crapping on coping mechanisms that was posted recently and I was surprised to hear that many people consider themselves neurodivergent because of their bipolar. + +Please inform me if I sound really ignorant! + +I was under the impression that neurodivergence is an innate difference in thinking, permeating everything you do and the brain is inherently wired differently. This is most often associated with ADHD and Autism spectrum disorders. + +I personally feel that although I have a mental illness, that when well controlled and stable I am “wired” the same as most people. My therapist described an allegory that stuck for me which was “Your personality is the climate, and your mood is the weather”. + +I think that my climate is “neurotypical” and I do not identify myself as neurodivergent, more as someone who deals with periods of mental illness. + +What do you think about this?",Are we neurodivergent?,2 +247,"Then I come home to a sink full of dishes, a carpet that hasn’t been vacuumed in ages, piles of clothes that haven’t been folded, cups and cans everywhere, and the list just goes on. I want to have a clean, cozy home with house plants that I’m proud to show off to people, but I don’t even feel capable of holding myself together for long enough to achieve anything close. I feel like a disaster of a human and I don’t know how to help myself.",I feel so shameful when I see how tidy and well decorated other people’s homes are,2 +248,Guess my brain candy (5 days Worth + suplements for the vegan on to!!,Brain candy guess,2 +249,"I just got my annual bill and I used a fifth less water than previous years. Since November I've been showering very little. At one point it got so bad I wouldn't shower for 10 days, so yeah that saved a lot of water lol. Doesn't make up for all the money I spent during hypomania that came after, but it's still nice haha",Saved a ton of water thanks to not showering due to depression,2 +250,"21F here. hi all, here we go: + +a few months ago, i had my first manic (hypomanic?) episode. It lasted 1-2 months. + +well, after all of the weird behavior, i was urged to see a psychiatrist. and then I was diagnosed. + +Ever since being diagnosed and given medication (my first time ever taking daily meds…), i feel somewhat at unease. Even though i have a weird feeling, right now i feel pretty stable and happy. i honestly didnt know medicine could change my life so much. + +But i feel like after experiencing my first manic episode, something in me has changed. Even when im feeling stable, theres some underlying feeling my mood may swing at any given moment. I am still working on finding the best meds for me, so maybe that may have something to do with it? + +I dont know. did you guys experience something similar after your first manic/hypomanic episode? Did the underlying unease ever go away? + +Sorry if I said anything wrong, i feel like there is still so much i dont know about bipolar. I had a great-aunt who was in and out of hospitals in her 20s for being bipolar, but she was shunned from the family from being addicted to drugs and leaving her kids. Any time i try to ask about her/her bipolar diagnosis, i get shut down. + +I am low-key afraid to google about it. So, all i know really is from what my psychiatrist has told me, which is a lot (with diagrams and everything). It was just a lot to take in.","Just diagnosed, super confused and scared",2 +251,I am 22f and I have bipolar type 2. I forgot my meds for two days and it triggered a depressive episode and im so pissed at myself because i thought i was doing good. Im so upset. I hate how it always ends back in this crazy headspace. I know its the bipolar but ohmygod this shit sucks so bad. I have to live my whole life with these random episodes of shit. Im tired. Sorry I am ranting. I just want a break for a year or something. Id do anything for relief from this disorder at this point,I am literally so tired of living like this,2 +252,"Since I started taking meds(2year ago) this last six months is where I consider myself truly stable, but I still get sometimes some ups and downs that I feel isnt 'normal' if u know what I mean so and sometimes I'm self aware of intrusive thoughts and I try to reason with myself somehow but my mood still is affected by it + + Reading some stories shared here I started to wonder what 'stable' mean for each individual and how often do you feel stable but you think ""Am I really?"" + +I think every person with bipolar eventually will ask questions about what is part of their personality and what is the disease for lack of better word and I often think about the past and wonder ""was it that truly myself? how bad I felt, how good, when I was depressed, when I felt awesome and thought I could have accomplished big things, when I felt that I didnt fit anywhere and nothing was worthing pursuing... thelist goes on + +Share your thoughts with me people","When u guys are stable, how 'stable' is that?",2 +253,"I don’t even have it bad (except for mental illness obviously) yet being awake is so fucking stressful. I have a supportive family, a great boyfriend, good friends, etc but I still want to be d3ad. Im on Wellbutrin, buspar, Vraylar and klonopin AND IM STILL DEPRESSED, ANXIOUS AND EMOTIONAL. I get they aren’t a cure all and I’d be much worse off meds, but what’s the point if I still can’t function in life?? I can’t work a normal job but I keep getting turned down for disability even though I over qualify. I fucking need money to live a life I don’t even want and I can’t get it. I’m about to explode",Existing is so hard,2 +254,"Like the title said, I'm starting work on my thesis Monday. However, my school platform, where we have access to grading criteria, templates, general information about the whole thing, is currently having technical issues and I can't access anything. My teacher said we'll look into it tomorrow, but I'm panicking. In a few hours, it'll be fixed, but it feels so far away. + +What if there's something wrong and I'm not registered? What if there's been a mistake and I can't start my thesis? I've already done all the preparation, I worked hard to get permission to do my research at a company I'm really eager to work for and I would die of shame if I had to contact them to tell them I wouldn't be able to do the work as planned. + +My thoughts are spiralling. It's almost midnight here and I'm too wound up to go to sleep, so I'll be exhausted tomorrow, even if I do manage to get some sleep. I'm terrified this will trigger an episode. + +I'm just so scared right now. + +How do I get through this? It's only 12 weeks left of my Bachelor's. What if I fall apart right before the finish line?",I'm starting my bachelor thesis on Monday and I'm already freaking out due to some technical trouble on the school's part. How do I get through this?,2 +255,"I've been diagnosed adhd for years, and refused treatment. 15 years later and I need treatment for depression and mania. And it feels like my adhd is no longer able to be managed. + +I just wanna know, will treatment help with the procrastination and feeling overwhelmed by everything? Will I be better than what I was before? + +If you need dual treatment, what changes did you and those around you notice?","bipolar and adhd, have you found successful treatment and what is it like?",2 +256,"starting this off by establishing that I am autistic, and one of my interests is self categorization. this can make me come across as a hypochondriac or doctor shopper, as I know my disorders/illnesses very well. once I started seeking treatment for my bipolar I learned everything there was to learn, joined communities such as this one, and started talking to others with bipolar. + +as a result of this, I learned a lot about medication. not even really on purpose, learning about the meds people are on is just an inevitable of being in a group like this. + +my psyche prescribed me abilify today, and out of curiosity I asked if that was the med known to sometimes lead to tardive dyskinesia. I'm not against trying abilify, all meds can have horrible side effects, but I wanted to know if that's what I was potentially getting myself into. I love my psyche, she's super nice and receptive, but she sorta laughed and told me to ""stop googling your medication"" which rubbed me the wrong way. it's a drug I'm unfamiliar with, should I not want to be prepared for the potential risks? I've told her before I'm open to trying anything, so it's not like I was telling her I wouldn't take it because I was scared, I was just asking a question so I know what to look out for. + +**I'm not gonna stop seeing her because this is such a small thing, but am I overreacting by feeling a bit icked out?**","psychiatrist told me not to google my medication, feeling weird about it",2 +257,"tl;dr should I read Choice Theory or should I change therapists? + +So, my therapist has suggested that I read Choice Theory by William Glasser... I used a credit on audible to get it, it is a little over 12 hours long... I haven't started it yet, but what I have read about choice theory tells me I will disagree with a main premise, which my therapist and I kinda got into today... + +He insists that thoughts and emotions are choices. Going so far as to say that mental illness is a choice. In regards to bipolar, if you are not having negative consequences, do you have bipolar? Because you can choose your actions and reactions and emotions and thoughts. + +That medicine is a crutch and is not necessary. + +He says that this gives you the power to control your life and swings and even get rid of swings. + +This came up when I was asking about tools because my regular tool for dealing with intrusive thoughts isn't really cutting it for me right now (having the thought, then saying to myself, is this thought beneficial/useful/helpful to me?) + +There are several things here that I am in complete disagreement with. Medicine is necessary, thoughts and emotions are not controllable (i.e. they just happen, but can potentially be directed) and, mental illness is real and not a choice. + +Sure you can do things to help mitigate symptoms and try and improve yourself, but ~~I am pretty sure~~ I will always have bipolar. He has planted a seed of doubt. That my entire array of health issues might be psychosomatic. I also see gastro/neuro/cardiologists. It is incredibly invalidating...",Choice Theory,2 +258,"Title says it. I love all of your humor, your strengths, your obstacles, all of it. I realized its helping me view myself as a real person and accept my own ups and downs as well! So, thanks for sharing your lives, internet strangers.",Sappy post: loving each of you is helping my love myself,2 +259,"Does anyone else have holes in their memory from specific hypomania and/or depressive episodes. When family have brought up situations where I was manic or depressed I generally have very little to no recognition of what they’re talking about and it usually takes a lot of detailing to get me to vaguely remember. + +Please tell me I’m not alone 😬 it’s a little scary.",Forgetting episodes,2 +260,"My psych just prescribed me 1mg fanapt and I’ve never heard of it before. Just wanted to see if anyone has had experiences with it. It’s also hard to get, I had to special order it to a specific pharmacy.",Has anyone tried Fanapt or have experiences?,2 +261,"I keep getting into fights with my closest friends and it's almost like I can't help it. I always start them and I always say sorry earnestly after. They know I'm bipolar. My two closest friends aren't talking to me right now and I don't wanna be lonely for the rest of my life. I'm just wondering if y'all can give tips on maintaining close friendships. I'm bipolar 1 btw, not fully stable yet, I'm manic right now and I'm on lamictal and abilify. Was diagnosed almost a year ago.",Friendships,2 +262,"I went to my pcp 2 weeks ago for a follow up and was describing what I like to call ‘god mode’ when I can do anything, have unlimited energy, basically feel like I could fight god and win vs the times I get so depressed I can’t do anything except lay in bed and doomscroll. she said that it sounds like manic episodes and depressive episodes (I like my names better) and started me on lamotrigine. my last therapist also said I have bipolar but she was also a quack and I have no idea how she was allowed to become a therapist. I did a few days in grippy sock jail after going through several months of god mode until god nerfed me I did the bad and they said that all I had was major depressive disorder and anxiety +I guess I just don’t know what to think or what to do",My dr said that it seems like I have bipolar and prescribed me lamotrigine,2 +263,"Going to try it to help shake this depression cycle. It’s lasting longer than usual and I can’t afford to let go all of my progress. My usual go to methods are not stimulating me enough to make the switch. + +Anyone tried cold showers? How did it turn out for you?",Cold showers,2 +264,"im feeling the emotions i get when i’m manic. i haven’t been aware of my BP for long. is this enough to trigger a sort of episode? + +i saw the colors around me change, my eyes started watering and i got the feeling in my chest i feel when i’m in an episode. + +i can’t tell.",i just saw my ex that never posted me have his new girlfriends initial in his bio and a highlight for her,2 +265,"A week and a half ago I was diagnosed with hepatitis c. A deadly virus that costs about $70,000-$90,000 to cure. (I work an entry level retail job and can't afford it) + +This diagnosis caused me to go from feeling on top of the world, and stable, to actively wanting to die, feeling that nobody wants me around or loves me, and splitting on everyone around me. + +Today I told the people I'm close to that I'm suicidal, and then I blocked them all. + +I don't want relationships anymore. I always let people down, and I don't feel like anybody ""needs me"". I genuinely don't want to be close to anyone again, because either I get let down, or I let them down, or I push them away. + +It's only going to be a matter of time before I am fired from my job, and I'm homeless. I don't have any food, as I don't have a car or a way to get it, and I'm miserable. + +I've been writing ""letters"" if you get what I'm saying. And I've been planning things out in my head.. + +I feel like this isn't something I can pull myself out of. + +Even if I did manage to start feeling better, I'd still me an unwanted outcast with a deadly, contagious virus. I hate myself, I hate my life.","I'm spiraling out of control and being diagnosed with a deadly virus, with a cure that costs $70k-90k. I'm splitting on everyone I know and actively trying to make my situation worse that way I can't come back from it.. (bipolar 2 + BPD)",2 +266,"Hi friends! Sorry if this is the wrong place to post. + +I (20F) was diagnosed with BD2 back around October, so still fairly recent. I am super lucky to have a family that encourages me to keep going to therapy and stay on medication, however I’m finding they don’t really *understand* what I’m going through. + +While I’m aware there’s no real way for them to conceptualize what is actually happening to me during hypo episodes more specifically (was misdiagnosed w depression at 17, depression I feel is a little easier understood) I’d like to be able to have them be aware of what an episode is like. I can’t exactly put it all into words when trying to explain it to them myself, and I often feel like doing that ends up scaring/worrying them more. So I’m looking for a resource that can detail what hypomania is really like, whether that be a day-to-day kind of thing, or just an extensive list of symptoms. + +Most recently I spent several days awake, and have had obvious weight loss, which led my dad to ask my older brother if he thought I had been getting into meth/coke, as my dad was previously addicted to meth and experienced similar symptoms. + +Thanks to all who took the time to read this!",How to explain what BD is like?,2 +267,"Nobody outside of this type of relationship will ever understand. + +When I’m stable, I am the best husband. Our relationship is amazing. Model relationship. + +Then when I’m manic (which for me usually swings between periods of high anxiety/irritability or intense happiness), we have a troubling relationship. + +It’s so weird how one can snap back to the other. I feel so bad for my wife who is a rock. But, everyday I strive to keep myself stable for her.",Being in a relationship as a bipolar person is like having two relationships.,2 +268,"I am a type ll and my hypomania makes me want to colour everything while my depression makes me want to kill myself...so I tried this method of venting...hope you like them... +Thank you for reading",I recreated a few drawings during my rapid cycling...feel free to tell me they suck.,2 +269,"I got diagnosed with Bipolar 2 three days ago and have already been diagnosed with anxiety and autism. I don't know where to start. I am relieved, because my mother thought I was having hormonal changes or I was exaggerating, but my father actually tried to help. Whenever I think of those moments, being frustrated over my mother saying that I was using it as an excuse after I got diagnosed with anxiety, it saddens me. I feel better because now she is more careful. What do I do know ? I have some coping methods like music, physics, math, etc.",Newly diagnosed,2 +270,"I've been hurt so many times by people I decided to trust. Im just over people at this point, because of my illness anyone can hurt me SO MUCH MORE than I could ever hurt them. It's too hard trying to manage my emotions even without factoring in the selfishness and unpredictability of people. + +&#x200B; + +Should I start trusting again? It's been 2 months and now I'm just bored, but I don't want to get hurt again. I'm still reeling from the extreme pain of the last time I was hurt. People have too much power over me, last time I was hurt it induced a mixed episode which resulted in psychosis and 2 suicide attempts. People are inherently selfish, I'm 100% convinced of this fact. But im getting bored and lonely.",What do you do when people hurt you,2 +271,"And I got diagnosed with bipolar when I was 24. + +Is any of you diagnosed with depression kinda stuff during childhood? + +I feel I am the only one and this feels goddamn lonely",I had depression since 13,2 +272,"The most recent manic episode I had was after being depressed and diagnosed with major depressive disorder to be prescribed Zoloft. Within 6 weeks I was staying up for 9 days and delusional. I thought my partner was going to kill me so I called 911. The police arrived and I was very agitated and explained my delusions and they took me to the nearest psych ward for an evaluation. Unfortunately, that psych ward didn’t keep me long enough despite my volunteering to stay longer. They also gave me a medication I ended up allergic to which took treatment even longer. + +This resulted in asking my in-laws who live in a different state miles away to help me care for my daughter until I found the right medication combination and was stable. I knew it could take a few months and I had no one else available local to me. The only way my inlaws would take my daughter is if I signed over guardianship. I was under the impression it would only be for a year at the most. But honestly, I wasn’t really in the right mind to consent to that paperwork. I just knew I needed help and I did what I could to ensure my daughter had the best care possible while I got stable. + +Fast forward to now my partner and I petitioned the courts to end guardianship as I have been stable for 2 years. I have letters from my therapist and pdoc stating I am in treatment and stable and medication compliant. + +Well, my in-laws are trying to prove I am unfit for things I did while I was manic so they can adopt my daughter without my consent or permission through the courts. They're also trying to prove that my partner (their child) is unfit I am less worried about that. + +My therapist says they're on a witch hunt and that they're just trying to raddle me and no judge would grant them adoption. I hope she's right. + +I just wanted to share what I am going through because 1. support would be nice. and 2. if anyone else is going through this you aren't alone.",Possibly losing parenting rights due to bipolar disorder,2 +273,"TLDR : I'm bipolar type two with mixed features currently in a hypomanic (mixed?) episode. +I experience some of these things: +- clenched jaw +- 10-15 minute panic attack that disappears in a few seconds leaving you confused but not feeling bad (just very confused) +- nightmares and night sweating +- completely forgetting to eat and losing the instinct of eating or liking food except shit like sweets cola coffee and chips (with cigs ofc) +Do you? + +Note : I'm like 95% sure I'm hypomanic right now and have been for almost a month but was in denial until a week ago, seeing psychiatrist on Friday to talk. + +Anyway, I'm experiencing these things and was wondering if anyone else had this: +- clenched jaw most of the time +- random 10-15 minute panic attack/dark dissociation (few times a week, had one where i couldn't contain a scream that was just so guttural like I was giving birth and then started hyperventilating so hard I almost fainted and had to sit down and hold onto something to not fall), but then all of a sudden you have a posotive thought and it disappearears in a second making you wonder what even happened and laughing at how dramatic you are +- nightmares or night sweating +- completely FORGETTING TO EAT, like losing the instinct to eat, even when I'm hungry I don't think about food but I think of resolving the problem so I stuff myself with the easiest fastest food that's kinda nutritious and idc about the taste, like plain slices of protein bread, Bananas (I don't even like the texture or the taste of bananas but its the cleanest and most efficient for hunger), vegan pre-made protein shakes in bottles (over 2 months I've consumed about ~100 of them, I have one every morning and other shit ""meal"" mentioned above) and SOMETIMES have the patience to boil a pack of ravioli that takes 3 minutes to cook and eat it just with olive oil and balsamic vinegar or airfry in 10 minutes a pack of vegan nuggets or fish sticks and eat them plain, yup, no sauce and not evem fried, such a treat (less dishes). + +Btw I'm also diagnosed with mixed episodes and I've experienced them, but usually they are way darker and cold with a bit of psychotic moments, and I just feel superior to others like an evil God and I'm full of rage. +Whereas here I feel quite at peace but a bit out of control, but I know that I'm gonna take care of it soon (going back tomorrow to my parents). And overall I feel happy everyday and grateful and I feel like the world is so beautiful but I just have those breakdowns described above few times a week if not almost daily these days... + +Mmh yeah I talk a lot but that's a known hypimanic thing. + +Thank you for reading if you did and have a good (insert what it is for you) ! ✨️",Do you also do this during hypomanic (mixed?) episodes?,2 +274,"I was diagnosed with Bipolar last May after trying to kill myself and did seven nights in a pysc ward which did me so much good. + +For awhile before my diagnosis I had talked to my doc about ADHD cause I felt I fitted the symptoms of that so was in shock when I was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar. When on what I call highs I get extremely productive. I get so much done and take up new hobbies that never last more than a couple of months. My lows are never so bad I'm depressed, but I have no energy mentally or physically and no interest in doing anything and I fall behind on everything. The house gets messy and I struggle to achieve anything. + +I have 3 kids so my anxiety goes through the roof when things get messy. I'm snappy to be around for my wife and my mother and I get into moods because everything in the house is messy again. It's like a vicious circle. My lows causes me to let the place get untidy and the mess causes me to spiral into worse moods. + +But sometimes when I read what other people go through and mine doesn't seem so bad in comparison I start to doubt I even have Bipolar. These thoughts sneak into my head, I feel like an imposter and that I'm not really as bad as I think, and I'm only lazy, subconsciously tricking people and cheating by being on illness benefit. + +Are these thoughts normal? I feel so guilty with myself then and it makes my anxiety even worse?",Bipolar doubt,2 +275,"I've been battling bipolar for about about 8 years and just recently diagnosed and medicated in the past year and a half. Every episode I have results in my thyroid swelling up as a reaction to stress (like so big the endocrinologist gasped when he saw it), I have a whole bunch of nodules on my thyroid and now instead of the thyroid swelling up, it's the nodules that are filling with fluid and swelling up....only when I'm at the end of an episode so I know it's due to stress and the endocrinologist agrees. I've also experienced SIBO and I still do if I don't follow a strict diet, I became allergic to fragrance, coconut on skin, and Aloe Vera all out of nowhere, and my hair was falling out, this all happened when I was unmedicated, undiagnosed and extremely stressed out and my anxiety was through the roof. I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced extreme stress from these episodes that's resulted in other illnesses?",Do your episodes result in physical health problems?,2 +276,"I’m complimenting everyone and chatting with every stranger I meet. I did a bunch of art projects this weekend and have been having super great ideas lately (at least I think they’re great). The hypomania is here. That is all. + +(And I’m posting on Reddit more)",It’s here!,2 +277,"Has anyone ever stumble or read about something that could happen in the future and you start feeling weird and anxious and scared that it WILL happen because you read it, as if you could manifest/will the scenario into existence? because you feel like you have abilities to predict it to happen?? and the thing would probably never happened if you didn't read it.",Has anyone ever...,2 +278,People who consider their bipolar well managed are you ever symptomatic? I’ve been stable and and symptom free for years but recently I have been struggling with some racing thoughts and i feel completely overwhelmed…. I am in a stressful situation that will be over in a 3-4 weeks. Do you call your Dr and change your meds or do you just ride it out?,Med adjustments,2 +279,"So I’m bipolar I, I’ve had pretty severe psychotic episodes before. After a REALLY stressful day when I had to bring my dog to the vet ER, I think it triggered some hypomania. I feel euphoric- hitting the gym, banging out a bunch of projects at work, trying to buy a house all of a sudden (even though my lease doesn’t end til November), having sex with my husband every day. But in the back of my mind I’m constantly worried this could spiral into a full blown manic episode. This is the first time since last summer I’ve actually felt GOOD. Like I’m actually going out every day feeling happy. And I can’t even really enjoy it because I’m chronically anxious it will spiral out of control. I hate that I can’t just be happy.",Is it weird I’m mad I can’t even enjoy my hypomania?,2 +280,"just a funny anecdote, one of my telltale signs of being hypomanic is midnight baking/cooking. batches of cookies, muffins, bread. it may suck but damn is it delicious",my amusing hypomania sign,2 +281,"I've noticed that I often feel like everyone is watching me and judging every single thing and I have to act accordingly to not come off as weird. Like for example, when I'm at a crosswalk waiting to cross it feels like every single car is staring at me. Not even necessarily the people in the cars but the cars themselves are looking at me almost if that makes sense? It usually feels invasive but if I'm being honest, sometimes I weirdly enjoy it and I think it's some weird part of my brain wanting attention to be pulled to me. It's confusing and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.",Feeling like I'm being watched/judged constantly but not necessarily by one person/thing- How do I cope with this?,2 +282,"I take caplyta , lithium and now Prozac … and she just got on me for tellin her I now take Prozac , which I quickly regretted and told her I’m never tellin her anything about my meds again , it pisses me off . I told her I don’t need her or my family tellin me what’s good for me …idk venting and looking for insight if you have any , thanks",My girlfriend who doesn’t rely on meds is tellin me I’m just using them as a band aid and how dangerous they are,2 +283,"I’m not experiencing psychosis or mania but sometimes I look in the mirror and I see something that isn’t there. This also happens with auditory hallucinations, where I hear someone calling my name when they’re not there. + +I’ve kind of accepted that I’m just gonna experience the world a little differently than everyone else at this point. These “hallucinations” don’t bother me at all and only last a few seconds, definitely not something that warrants switching medication.",Is it normal to still see very brief hallucinations on antipsychotics,2 +284,"They don’t like me when I’m depressed, they don’t like me when I’m manic +Why does the way I act put everyone in a panic +Fuck, this is the way that I am +They just wanna medicate and slaughter the lamb + +I’m a pure soul +My rhymes got that sick flow +What you fronting for +Mood like a revolving door + +And I don’t even care +Used to smoke blunts and blow it in the air +But they don’t like that either +Had to give up the weed and the ether + +So here I am numb just the way you like me +Won’t scare anyone won’t just do it like Nike +So I’ll go through the motions +Although they still have their notions + +Thought I would ride til I die +In my dreams I can still fly +Anything to feel alive +But they took away my keys so I can’t drive + +So I guess I’ll express myself as a poet +I’m still the shit don’t care if you know it +Just another face in the crowd +Hide me away in a shroud",They,2 +285,"i know mania can be triggered by stress, but has anyone’s mania been triggered by self harm? + +i know in the moment it doesn’t feel traumatic but self harm is traumatic. + +i’m struggling with thoughts of self harm + +i haven’t been aware of my BP for long and i don’t know what triggers my episodes, and i want to know if i were to self harm if i would trigger an episode.",has anyone’s manis been triggered by self harm?,2 +286,"I have been taking Saphris (Asenapine). For over 10 years and also use a CPAP. One weird thing I have noticed is if I take the Saphris right before putting my cpap mask on, the Saphris doesn’t seem to work as well. I think it’s because the air from the machine dries out my throat and because the med is sublingual, it does not dissolve correctly. Has anyone else noticed this?",Anyone take Asenapine with a CPAP?,2 +287,"Yesterday I went to the walk in clinic because I was SURE I was having some sort of heart irregularity or attack, the doctor told me she thinks it is because I haven't been taking lamotragine (I ran out, and since i lost my health insurance haven't been able to get regular care. I have been on lamotragine since 2017) I am on my way to pick it up now, surprisingly I can afford it through their discount program...I am just so SO scared that I actually need this medication, I know that might not make much sense but it is just starting to feel so real that I might not be able to live without it. I didn't know going without it would literally feel like i was having a heart attack. I had been starting to think that maybe I had even been misdiagnosed back then, but that seems common on this sub...idk, I don't have my parents, or friends, or really any support network... I also can't afford therapy, so i just needed to vent about how scared I feel :( I was certain it was a heart attack.",Scared and need to vent,2 +288,"My fiancé left me on Monday and I’m in a deep depression. She gave no sign that she was unhappy or anything and just left. I’m suffering badly and don’t want to be here right now. I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried talking to her but she wants nothing to do to with me. We had so many plans and dreams with each other. Last week we were looking at places to get married. I’m fucking miserable and don’t know what to do. + +I called my provider but earliest she can see me is the 10th. My anxiety and paranoia are extremely high and I just want my brain to shut off. It doesn’t help that it’s possible I’m schizoaffective disorder and not bipolar. I just want her back and to hear her laugh again.",In a deep depression,2 +289,Diagnosed and medicated since 2013. Wondering if anyone else starts to sweat significantly more during a hypomanic or manic episode? I can feel I'm om the verge of an episode and I just cannot stop sweating. I'm curious is anyone else has this experience.,Sweating when hypomanic?,2 +290,"Hi! So I’m seeing a psychiatrist for my depression and I might be bipolar. I’m on medication now but it’s not working yet. I have more energy than before, but burned down my studies and social life because of my depression and I still feel like shit. + +I’m not bad enough for inpatient and there’s no intensive outpatient where I am and I barely have therapy. I don’t know what to do, I’m glad I’m not just crying, staring into nothingness and sleeping anymore. However, there’s only so much drawing, reading and bingewatching I can do and I feel like I’m slowly going mad with boredom but I don’t know where to find meaning right now. How can I fill my days in a non-toxic way?",What to actually do during a depressive episode?,2 +291,"I’ve been dating this guy for the past nine months. We’re mutually exclusive but not yet bf/gf. I have bipolar 2 disorder and have been diagnosed on a few occasions. +I fear that if I tell him, or he experiences me during an episode it’ll be too much. +So my question is when is the right time? How do I have this conversation? When did you tell your partner?",When do I tell him?,2 +292,,Doodles from my last manic episode,2 +293,"Hi! I'm headed into work, so going to just get this out fast in hopes someone can give me advice. + +I have been at home for almost 4 years with mostly depression, some hypo mania, and one scary manic episode brought on by an antidepressant. I also have extreme anxiety and adhd. + +I started Lithium in August and was able to help my husband at work within a month. I came out of my shell, began to make eye contact, conversation, and was hired on as an administrative assistant. My career was teaching, but I know I can not be that person anymore. + +I have struggled the whole time, but was managing okay enough to continue. I am not okay again. Work is stressful in an unreasonable way and I can feel myself crashing. I am terrified of becoming the hermit I was for 4 years. I was hospitalized last March wanting to die from so much empty. I need to keep a purpose. + +Anxiety is almost unbearable and the empty, I can't do it anymore feeling is taking over. Music and TV feels fake and every task is a huge effort. These are some of my signs. I am back to needing ativan to function most days and adderal the others. How can I prevent a full crash? Help! + +Current meds: +Lithium 600mg at night +Ativan a couple times a week and increasing +Adderal when I am paralyzed several days a week. +I just added 500 mg magnesium glycinate and Vit D3. +Any words of wisdom are appreciated.",Minimal success for 8 months,2 +294,i’m just so over everything honestly. i use to love cleaning and self care and now it take all my energy to shower once a week. i’ve been on all these different medications and the only one that worked my insurance randomly decided they didn’t want to pay for it anymore. my psychiatrist is frustrated with me because i haven’t started therapy but i genuinely can’t afford it right now and i fully believe i’m in a place where therapy just isn’t a good idea. i’m on geodon right now and it just makes me feel nothing. i miss who i was before this diagnosis…. it’s all so exhausting.,tired and angry,2 +295,"I’m very recently diagnosed (in conjunction w ASD). I’m just very scared of my head; I’m scared of the way my brain makes me think and I am scared of how little control I have over it. Ive no idea what world I’ve entered into, mostly because I don’t understand much yet, despite wanting to. I’ve studied psychology at university before dropping out (multiple times), and it’s so easy to look at things on the outside and understand them, but to look introspectively is so difficult. It’s difficult to analyse the thoughts I should and shouldn’t listen to. It’s difficult to place or recognise moments of irritability, excitement, etc. Sometimes I’m panicking without even knowing I’m panicking or why. Im just very much in a state of barely knowing what’s going on in my head until the aftermath, unless it’s depressive thoughts, those are pretty easy to figure out, and by far the most common for me. People near me just say I shouldn’t think that way, but it’s hard explaining why I feel I have no control over how I genuinely feel… if that makes sense. + +Does it get better? I’ve been prescribed mood stabilisers.",I’m new,2 +296,"For context I have type one and a history of 4 hospitalisations in 7 years. ECT (worked amazingly but only for a while), tried loads of medications and it seems like we've finally found a combo that works. I haven't had a serious episode for over two years now. + +I have a two year old son and, despite the manic episode I had after four days is labour when he was born, he's the best thing that has ever happened to my mental health. I love him to bits even though he was a surprise and I was totally sure I wasn't ready. + +Now my husband and I want a sibling for him. We both never had siblings of our own, so he has no cousins and we both wish we had siblings. We want a baby sooner rather than later because the age gap keeps getting bigger. 3 years difference is ok, but 4 seems like much more to me. I don't know. I've started taking folic acid and we should be ready to start trying to conceive in May. + +We also happen to be moving across the UK for my husband's work in July. If all goes well, I could be pregnant by then. + +I told my psychiatrist this and he told me that my antidepressant, clomipramine, is dangerous to the baby in pregnancy and can cause serious heart defects. He wants to switch me to an SSRI (citalopram), which I've tried several of and they haven't done much for me in the past. Clomipramine worked for me I think because it's also effective in OCD and while I don't have OCD, my depressive thoughts are definitely obsessive. I've been taking clomipramine for since a mild depressive episode I had a year ago and since I haven't had any depression at all and I haven't gone manic either. + +I'm just worried with the move (even though I'm really looking forward to it) and the pregnancy and the medication change might be too much. As a mother, I feel having a serious episode is not an option, but then am I just putting more pressure on myself? Is this crazy? Should I try it or wait another year with the baby? Even just changing medication worries me, but I can't consider pregnancy without doing that first. + +I don't know exactly what I'm asking for here. Reassurance? Sanity check? Advice? Any and all of that is welcome.","Switching meds, planning pregnancy, and moving across country. Recipe for disaster?",2 +297,"Anybody else feel like their brain is bombarding them constantly? It’s 3 major things for me: + +1. Music in my head. All the time, non-stop. Sometimes it’s a real song, sometimes it’s a song I made up in my head. Sometimes it’s a song I like, sometimes it’s super annoying (even my own songs). + +2. Intrusive thoughts. Could be anything from violent and disturbing images to something super benign. I have a bag of Mamma Chia brand chia seeds, every time I see I think “mamma chia, mamma chia figaro.” + +3. Obsessive thinking. I’ll become interested in a subject to the point where I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ll try to focus on something else, but I creeps back in and I wind up reading the same Wikipedia article 100 times instead of doing what I’m supposed to be doing. + +Just wanted to see if anyone can relate to this.","Head noise, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking",2 +298,"hey all. + +i was recently diagnosed. to sum up my dilemma, my entire life anytime i’ve had a medical problem arise, i’ve always been dismissed as it being “anxiety”. i have a history of unexplained syncope episodes & wacky blood test results but no doctor has ever taken me seriously. perks of being a 22 year old female. i’ve been told to take antidepressants for viral illnesses & the like. so i’ve grown costumed to having a distrust towards doctors or i feel like they just use me for money & don’t listen to me, ya know? + +anyway, that’s not why i’m here. i hit rock bottom a few months ago & have been seeing a wonderful therapist who truly advocates for me & gives me a voice. he referred me to a psychologist & we did the whole genesight thing. she wants me to start taking latuda. + +i did the whole googling the medicine thing & asked some friends about it, & i have yet to see a good review. i also don’t want to be even more tired than i am now as i’m exhausted 24/7 as is. & im scared meds could impact work or school. + +i guess i’m just here asking for validation to ease my anxiety. will meds actually help me? or will i feel miserable? i’m really scared. i’m so hyper aware of my body & i freak out about any minor change, even headaches. but also as the months go on the more i feel wildly reckless & isolated. if i start taking them, & want to get off them, will they forever change me like antidepressants can? i’d rather enjoy my few months of mania no matter how wild it can be vs forever be different.. + +i don’t mean for any of this to seem invalidating or disrespectful by the way. it’s just my experiences/paranoia",recently diagnosed & very anxious when it comes to meds,2 +299,This film really triggered my anxiety in the theater because of its accurate representation of a panic attack. But the real kicker for me is how Puss looks at himself in his previous 8 lives compared to his 9th one. I feel like that is a perfect representation of my mania to now my first real depressive episode I have had. I also just received my diagnosis and it’s hits me so hard because it’s like I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I feel just like Puss… anyone else feel this way about this movie?,Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is the best representation of BP,2 +300,"Hey everyone + +thanks for taking time to read this. + +I've question to everyone here who is stable for more than 5 years. + +What are the things that helped you for being stable ?",Stable for years,2 +301,"I've heard so many people on this sub complain when a non neurodivergent tells them they should start to-do lists, or journal, or exercising. + +These are all great coping mechanisms, I understand the loneliness of being neurodivergent but shitting on routines and healthy habits isn't going to help anyone. + +I have to take medication AND journal AND do lists AND therapy AND medication AND take walks in nature AND a bunch of other stuff. Are y'all not doing that? Cause it damn sure helps",Why are people crapping on coping mechanisms?,2 +302,"So, I'm currently in a manic episode. I think it's hypomanic, but my psychiatrist calls me manic. Anyway, usually I enjoy watching movies or reading books and exercise. But I now I've found that I don't have any concentration to do anything except writing my friends letters through mail. I get to ramble on and on and on about anything that pops into my mind and the beauty of it all is: I can edit it all out the way I like it, so all the rapid thoughts that are racing through my mind seem to come out of my coherently. I don't know what you guys can do with this information, but I just want to share it with you. Life can be really beautiful if things are going well.",Writing letters to friends is the only thing I can do to get through the day,2 +303,I just want to take a minute and say how much I appreciate each and every one of you. I am an icu nurse with a recent bipolar diagnosis and I get on here everyday because it just gives me a sense of comfort and relief knowing I’m not going through this alone. So thank you everyone for sharing/commenting. It really does help me get through my day. Love you all ❤️,Thankful,2 +304,"Hi, I am curious if any of you have techniques on how to stop a hypomanic episode that doesn’t include popping an AP pill. + +For me, I find that doing a lot of cardio or eating a high-carb meal (a bowl of pasta) slows my brain down.",Slamming on the breaks,2 +305,"i just got done with an appointment with her and when i tried to bring up some of my concerns about things she basically said « youre just unstable » and increased my lithium dosage. + +i spent so long organizing all my thoughts and all the things i wanted to say to her and she ended our session after not even 10 minutes !!!!!! oh my god i cant stand her",my psychiatrist doesnt listen to me,2 +306,"Background information: I was diagnosed with bipolar type II back in September and I work as a teacher. Recently I experienced the worst depressive episode of my life which forced me to apply for medical leave. Today my leave was accepted but only from March 6th (earlier this month) to April 6th. My doctor and I agreed that taking the remainder of the school year off was in my best interest and the paperwork my doctor submitted reflected that. + +Is it normal for only a fraction of the specified leave time to be approved? I was told I can apply for an extension but it's just filling out the same exact form with the same exact information. I'm terrified that my leave won't be extended and I'll either have to quit my job or force myself to go back much earlier than anticipated. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.",Shortened Medical Leave,2 +307,"I’ve started occasionally hallucinating shadow people in my peripheral vision. When it happens, I get the feeling they want to hurt me or might be hunting me. At one point I felt like they might be waiting by my apartment to, idk, “get” me. I consciously know they aren’t real but I’m still scared of them. Is that normal? Is that standard for just hallucinating or is that also something like paranoia? + +Edit: I don’t mean like being afraid because it’s happening. I think if it were voices I’d be fine. It’s more like “I somehow know that shadow wants to kill me”","For those who experience hallucinations, are you afraid of them?",2 +308,"Had major hypomanic/manic episode July-December last year. I know what my realities are, I really do. However it’s like the obsessions creep back in and my brain won’t stop cycling over a person that I know isn’t healthy and a POS. I know they’re intrusive thoughts. + +I know what I need to do to combat them. But damn it’s a fight every day. I don’t remember having this fight 10 years ago. That being said - we are fighters. We can do this. I’m surrounding myself with people who know me and love me. + +Anyone else in the same boat?",It’s like the line between reality and mania is blurred,2 +309,"My ex who was the best sex I've ever had (and I've had a lot of sex) dumped my stuff in my living room on Sunday and politely told me he never wanted to speak to me again. Well, maybe someday (which means never) + +To try to cope I posted for hook-ups on Reddit but every guy I sent my photo to rejected me - this was never an issue before but I guess now that I'm 30 I'm ugly. I'm not fat, I think I have a good body, must be face issues. I look really tired in all my photos. + +So life sucks. + +I've stopped taking my meds properly because I hate them. + +I've stopped eating meals because I don't want to go back to being bulimic. + +I blocked all my friends and family because they told me to talk to a professional about wanting to start drinking again (I'm sober) and since there's no professionals to talk to 24/7 I guess I'm shit out of luck and better off not bothering them. + +My mom did a wellness check on me when I told her I'd blocked her, which I said she could do.... but lol. + +I bought my first vape yesterday because I don't want to break my sobriety and I do not care if I start hearing voices. + +And I tried to go to AA last night only to listen to a bunch of people whine about how hard step 4 is while I'm literally writing it in my head just trying to find a sponsor to do it with. + +Now today my psych doctor has ghosted me. The professional I'm supposed to talk to about drinking. Can't decide if she's doing a form 2 or something came up. Cherry on top of this week lol.",My life is so sad that even my psych doctor ghosted me,2 +310,"Is this possible? Before my diagnosis I was given Paxil and felt the most depressed I had ever been. From what I remember (it’s been almost 2 years) it felt like my head was very empty and dark. My girlfriend said recently she was walking on eggshells around me back then, and felt like I was going to lose it at any second. I even want to say I remember having these two internal dialogues conflicting each other all the time. I was really unhappy and felt suicidal continuously as well. After giving the med 4-6 weeks to work I got switched to Effexor. I did a little better with this one but still felt suicidal and empty. Fast forward 2 years and now I’m diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I have been given a mood stabilizer that has done really well for me. The reason why I ask this is because I have this constant worry that I’m misdiagnosed for some reason. I believe I’m suffering from imposter syndrome. My psychiatrist seems very confident with his diagnosis. I also believe this post could help others who are suffering from anxiety like I was to find out it could be actually bipolar disorder. So can an SSRI make someone with BP depressed instead of manic?",Can an SSRI make me depressed instead of manic?,2 +311,,drawing what my mania feels like. i’ll update throughout the process,2 +312,"I’ve been on a roller coaster the last 9 months with medication. I had started to think I had been misdiagnosed based on how terrible I have felt despite lithium and an SSRI plus Seroquel at bed. I even scheduled a new psych for a second opinion in April. + +Then through some bad juggling and admin by my GP my citalopram prescription was cancelled instead of renewed. The pharmacist gave me a loner box of meds but it was a lower dose. + +Fast forward a month later and I’m still on the lower dose. Low and behold hallelujah I feel fantastically average. This ain’t no hypo and I’m definitely not depressed. Wow. I’m considering going to an even lower dose but my intake appointment is so close I feel like I should probably leave it for now. Woo!!",Bye Bye Citalopram,2 +313,"I’ve really loved being part of this subreddit and having a place for support and understanding. It’s not toxic here and that’s so hard to find! + +If you have any suggestions for other places online like here, I would love a link or info! + +(If needed, for reference, I have Bipolar 2, C-PTSD, and Dependent Personality Disorder.)",ISO Support Groups,2 +314,"I'd like to preface first by saying that I'm not American. + +I've been diagnosed bipolar II a few year ago during while in a psych ward. During all the years I've been seeing psychiatrists, it was brought up only once by a psychiatrist I've seen for less than a month. I've been somewhat successfully treated with seroquel. + +While I thought I had BP before my diagnosis, this diagnosis as almost always made very little sense to me. I do have some pretty extreme mood swings, but far more than 4-5 a year and they sometimes last only hours. + +The psychiatrist who followed me years never brought it up. He didn't change my meds, didn't really take any interest in my symptoms. He was pretty much happy just continuing the traitement that was prescribed to me during my trip to the psych ward. Last therapist didn't seem to believe I had any illness. + +I'm seeing any therapists or psychiatrists anymore and I have stopped my meds. So far, I'm doing alright. + +I would like to know if any of you have experienced very frequent mood swings (say in the range of 50 a year) and very short episode, because I find really hard to relate to other people with bipolar disorder.","Diagnosed, but having doubts",2 +315,"I’m type II and am in the middle of a mixed episode. Except the hypomania isn’t the happy, energetic kind, it’s the “irritated at all times and so angry at life that I’m resisting the urge to throw things against a wall as hard as I can” kind. + +So, yeah. I’m down, I’m fatigued, and I’m about as pissed off as I could be for absolutely no reason. + +I don’t need any advice, as I’ve been here many times before (although advice is fine), just venting to a group that understands what it’s like since nobody in my life really gets it. + +Thanks for reading.",Current Mixed Episode,2 +316,"i was manic a while ago, and i finally checked my email. i applied for colleges when i was manic and i LIED on the forms and i signed things that said i would get fined for lying. i also hired an attorney to sue ppl 🤷🏼‍♀️, but it gets worse, it’s my friends dad. + +i guess this is just a good rule, check your emails after a manic episode",oh i guess my mania might have got me in a bit of a pickle,2 +317,"I went to a new psychiatrist who recommended paroxetine and alprazolam, but what is everyone's experience on this combo? + +I'm still in the introductory stage with my new doctor so she's still re-assessing me again, but I did provide her my previous doctor's certification of my BD diagnosis and prescription history. So I guess I'm just looking for reassurance about this new regimen for BD. + +Please note that I communicate with my doctor (i.e. I ask her what to lookout for when taking this medicine) and I also read material about this, but it's always good to hear from other people.",My new doctor prescribed paroxetine and alprazolam,2 +318,"I'm currently in the middle of diagnosis for bipolar 2. I got already medication (lamictal) even though I didn't yet get a official diagnosis, since at psychiatrist appointment we didn't have enough time to go through all the diagnosis criteria, and if my sympotoms fit in to those. + +With psychiatrist we've been going through my possible hypomanias but specially been focused on one which was the most severe one. During this period I broke up with my boyfriend (do not regret it), had a huge crush before breakup, slept with the person I had a crush few days after breaking up, felt really happy and energetic, got involved in politics, slept 5h a night (usually 8+h), got in an out of situationships, went to parties, told everybody how beautiful I am (usually I'm not happy with my body). My psychiatrist didn't ask on my drug use but I've realized that before this episode or in the beginning of this episode I took some psychedelics. I really don't want drug use on my medical records since I've been sober for a year now. Does anybody else have any feelings on drug use on their medical records? + +If I tell my psychiatrist I have taken illegal drugs before the episode I might not get the diagnosis. But then again I suffer from mood swings and cyclic severe depressions. I don't know anymore what is my normal state and if I exaggerate my possibly hypomanic symptoms. I've had other hypomanic episodes as well. In one I had for few weeks I moved in with a guy for a month who I'd known for two days, didn't fly back to home even though covid-19 restrictions were starting, posted dancing videos on instagram, said I love you to the person I was living with, had unprotected sex. But again this person was very manipulative and was gaslighting me, love bombing, and getting mad for me moving out. I feel like my psychiatrist could very easily misdiagnose me since my hypomanias might be caused some other things such as drugs or manipulation. How do you feel, is hypomania something that can't be caused by other factors in your life? + +Whole my life, I have been doing impulsive decisions like gotten three tattoos at once (my first ones), brought flight tickets for next day, traveled by myself, applied to new schools, cheated, went to strip club (not normal to me), had hookups. On all of these I've had regrets as well. I don't know what is my personality and what not. If I tell my psychiatrist that these actions were not normal to me then I probably get the diagnosis. But also I do these things so regularly that maybe those are charasterictic to me.",Personality or hypomania? I feel like how I tell about my life to my psychiatrist influence my possible diagnosis.,2 +319,"I see so many successful people with this disorder, in fact almost everyone I've ever known with BP eventually treats it, and that's good. But for me, no medication seems to work without dangerous side effects. I also have psychotic episodes. I can't work or go to school and skip most days because I am catatonically depressed. + +I know my BP isn't the worst there is, but I see so many people with bipolar who are successful, and I guess I want to hear about the worst case scenario so I don't feel like I myself am the worst case, because I feel like absolute shit all the time due to my lack of success in any area of life. I'm pretty much the very bottom of society and it sucks. I'm gonna stop my post here though cause the depression is creeping in now. + +I'm not asking about anyone specific, just an example or something. Or if it's even possible for BP to be 100% untreatable.",How does severe bipolar differ from mild or moderate?,2 +320,"Light me up, + +Do it like when I bled, + +Say I love you, + +Then suffocate my voice, + +Mark my flesh, + +Make me your possession, + +With your eyes gone red, + +Belittle every ounce of me, + +All squeezed with no pulp left, + +Feel anemic, + +Confidence has shipped, + +Numbed to the rattling, + +As apathy becomes my only friend.",Apathy,2 +321,"I had so many doctors think so many things were wrong with me over the years, I'm curious to know how your experiences were. + +In order, I was diagnosed with: Borderline PD, Bulimia Nervosa\*, Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia\*, And finally... Bipolar type 2\*. + +\* = things they were unfortunately mostly right about.",What diagnoses did you have before you finally got the correct one?,2 +322,"My husband got overwhelmed and left a week ago. After I got diagnosed in january everything I have ever felt and done exploded to the point where I almost lost my job and my husband left. But after thinking, reading and talking with friends, he realized something was of. He came back and we talked for 2 days. Then he booked an appointment with my psychiatrist and went there with me. Turns out I'm not type 2, I'm very much type 1. Now I am starting new meds, I understand much more about myself and I am finally hopeful for my future. But most importantly, my husband loves me and he is willing to stand by me. ❤️",He came back!,2 +323,"Has anyone read Feeling Good, and did it help at all? My mom gifted it to me when I've started my medications and I've been really skeptical about the book. I want to know how other's experiences have been like with the book. + +How has the book helped you? + +The book was published years ago. Is it up-to-date?",Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns,2 +324,"I started Reagila a month ago and I can't get rid of the restlessness. The first two weeks were horror with side effects, thank God the shaking stopped. But this restlessness is driving me crazy - literally lack of sleep is usually the best way for me to get hypomanic. + +I have a desk job, I can't sit still, I can't even stand still. I am currently walking 20k steps a day just to be able to sleep at night. Not including the bouncing around while working - standing desk best purchase in years. + +My doctor said it might be because my other meds aren't playing well together. I am slowly reducing them (lamotrigine and fluoxetine). And it should get better soon\^tm. But what is soon... + +Any tips? I have a few days off right now and just can't enjoy them. I dropped coffee which seems to have helped a little bit. + +(at least I am losing weight on it, but might be because I was too nauseated to eat properly for 2 weeks and I am constantly moving....)","Vraylar/Reagila.. restlessness, any tips?",2 +325,,Group pic of my brain cells before I went manic,2 +326,"Hi y’all! I cannot use the TW flair I dunno why. +I am overall stable. But something happened today and I FEEL manic. Grandiose thoughts, hyper active brain (usually my brain is quiet and organised, now it works so much I have a headache lol) etc, you name it. Dreams of doing this and that, eh. And I couldn’t even take a nap. +All because... I wrote to my aunt I was never close with. Yes you read it right. You might ask yourself- „ee, what?” I hasten to explain. +So there was the year 2019, I went full-blown manic. It was really intense. My closest family was away but they knew something was up because of the things I had been telling them, my online activity and overall behaviour reported by more distant family that lives nearby. (I visited them xx times per day.) +So one time I really was scared I will die or something, I opened the door to run to the family nearby and when I opened the door there was this aunt (she is not the one I visited, she lives also nearby, but more far away then the other family members) +I was afraid to sleep (I didnt sleep properly in this time period, only kind of blacked out) +She tuckled me to sleep and I had some rest. +When my closest family came back, clearly distressed (the way the house looked + many other things) they called the ambulance and there I was in the mental hospital lol. +This aunt was helping my mother to deal with me. +Ok now back to these times, this aunt is a kind of person that forwards these pictures with written things on them to everybody. As I don’t own the whatsapp app, I wasnt reading them. I only installed it sometimes and I wrote like a flower to her as a response or wishing also everything well (as a response to these pictures) +Today I opened whatsapp and the last pictures from her were at the beginning of march. It was unusal because she used to send them a lot. I kind of regretted not replying more to her even with a flower emoji and I randomly send her „happy (second) day of spring 🌷” +And like that, it kind of switched something in my brain lol. +I want to mention that my mania was always occuring in spring/summer time. +It is a little bit chaotic but english isnt my first language. I wish I didnt send this message. +There is also a possibility that I somehow didnt get these pictures and she was still sending them. +It makes me think, if I couldn’t control this impulse to send a message, maybe there will be other things I will not be able to control.",One dumb thing causing the big M today,2 +327,So what do you guys do when youre wired in the middle of the night? I might go to the gym again tbh it was fun today. I should rest tho before i hurt myself. What kind of drinks help you guys sleep? Or calm down?,off my meds for two weeks! Its 1am and im so happy right now lol sleep? no fucking way i wanna go work out,2 +328,I got these 2 a while back. The semicolon healed poorly and I had to go back for a touch up. The other one also needed some minor adjustments. But now at least they don't look gross. Very happy with them and they are my first 2 Tattoos.,My Tattoos are done healing (mostly I think),2 +329,"Anyone have a similar experience? + +When I became completely manic, it felt like I had to use different persona for a different group of people and also had this idea that my exes and toxic people were stalking me. + +So I had over 6 IG accounts. At least. There might be more because I also had THREE phones back then. + +I just charged one of the phones I frequently used during the last manic episode and found out it has been public for over a year when I thought all my accounts were private. + +I am so embarrassed because I don't know who's seen it. + +Probably a lot of my old co-workers because I might have asked one of them who was my best friend to tag me on his account. Maybe my friends who left me during an earlier manic episode saw the account. I don't know. + +I cannot believe I left it to be seen by the whole world... I wonder that is why my ex cut me off entirely when we used to be friends even after we broke up. I wonder that's why some people randomly said - earlier this year - they thought I was taken to a hospital. + +Anyway, I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight. Now I am actually laughing out loud because this is just unbelievable. + +This almost feels like I'm in a movie where the protagonist is stuck in this limbo of facing all the crazy manic shit from the past everyday. + +Sometimes I try to be grateful for the things I still have. Sometimes I'm glad I finally accepted that I have this mental illness. But, today... this shook me to the core and I guess I do still care a lot about things I swore I could not care about any more. + +It feels like everything was part of this weird movie that was filmed... and it had no script, was directed by a nasty, unprepared, direction-less amateur director who wanted to see what kind of extreme things I could do or say that would not make sense to the old me. + +This is just like a cherry on top of my bipolar cake. Wow. What a day.","I had multiple IG accounts when I was manic, just found out one account was public... this is so embarrassing + shocking",2 +330,"I just need support. My mom passed away tragically in an accident last week. I've been a wreck, I go from agony to numbness. + +I've never lost anyone close to me so this is my first true heart break, and I honestly think I'll never heal it. I just have to find better coping mechanism. +I love my mom so fucking much, we were close and we bonded through having bipolar disorder. She understood me without trying, she was the only other person I know who goes to treatment for bipolar.... I wanted her to show me I can survive this. + +So from the bottom of my broken heart I would love some support. Coping mechanism or just stories that will give me hope.",I'm 31 and planning my Mom's funeral...,2 +331,"Hi All, +Cannot classify this post as seeking advice or rant or complain or anything. Just felt like sharing it. I don't know what it is... But I am terribly addicted to cigarettes... No amount of nothing or no degree of any consequence is helping me to quit. +It feels like/ kinda intuition that I will die smoking. +I know I have an addictive personality, but then even with all the self awareness & heightened conscious, the cognitive dissonance of smoking isn't leaving me. +They say if you play with bullets.. You die with one. +I guess my bullet is cigarette.... +Not even sure if it's got anything to do with being bipolar.... +Maybe this sub isn't even right place to type this. +I just felt like typing & sharing. +Maybe over sharing.. Just lost. God knows... +Thanks for reading till the end if anyone actually came this far. I am grateful & God bless us all...",Unable to quit smoking/ Terribly nicotine dependent,2 +332,"Got referred to a psychiatrist from my pcp. Behavioral center booked my appointment with a therapist + +Got diagnosed with bipolar 2 a few weeks ago, my pcp said he didnt have the resources to properly treat so he referred me to a behavioral health center. So i've waited 5 weeks for this appointment. I was very clear while scheduling that this appointment was for seeking medication. This is the earliest appointment they could get me and it's only because they had a cancellation. Got sent the info finally today for my appointment on friday. Looked at it real quick on the portal and they've scheduled me for a telehealth session with an lpcc. I just looked it up and they cant prescribe medications. The entire fucking reason I made the appointment. + +I'm absolutely gutted. The amount of effort and energy it took me just to schedule the appointment with my pcp to get a referral (because everyone i called said i needed that) was astounding. I finally got the gumption to take hold of this shit and try to get better and this is what I get. I literally feel so defeated and like theres absolutely no point at all. I just came down from a hypo week and the depression is hitting hard and then i find this out. The rage and sadness I feel is literally making me physically ill and i feel like I could break all of my fucking fingers. + +I'm sure someone is going to comment and tell me to check myself into a facility for inpatient care. I cant fucking afford to. I have 100$ in my bank account and payday isnt for another week. I cant take any time off work because I will literally not make my mortgage payment. + +I'm sure some people really benefit from therapy and maybe at a later point in my recovery from this shit I'll be more open to it but right now all I can think is how the FUCK is talking to some stranger on the phone about my problems and them saying some stupid shit like ""oh i can hear how difficult this is for you, try these excersizes the next time you feel like you're getting unmanageable"" going to fix anything. I want to be fucking medicated. I want to get to the point where I can act or feel like halfway of a part of a normal fucking human being and maybe then i can focus on miss linda's breathing therapy. + +I have been looking so forward to this appointment and I've been so proud of myself for even making it. I felt like I could get through the swings these past few weeks because I had this to look forward to and maybe just fucking maybe i'd get even an ounce of relief from this shit or be on the road to an ounce of relief; a means to an end. I felt like I was moving on from square one and on my way to progress and now I feel like I've fallen so much farther behind it. I'm going to have to find a different provider and wait another fucking six weeks through this shit. I cannot do this.","Waited 5 weeks for a psychiatrist appt only to find out days before it that they scheduled me with an lpcc who cant even prescribe meds, which was the entire reason i made the appt.",2 +333,,trying to get things out of my brain during a depression + lyrics,2 +334,"One of my worst experiences with psychosis was when I woke up in a cold sweat convinced I had killed my parents in their sleep. I was terrified that I stabbed them to death. I kept getting up and opening their door to make sure they were still alive and breathing while they slept but I couldn’t shake the feeling. It lasted until my dad woke up for work, hours later. Has anyone experienced something like this?",One of my worst experiences with psychosis,2 +335,"I have a question about mainly hypomania… how ‘constant’ are peoples symptoms generally? I know when I’m manic they’re 24/7, 365 at a million percent, but when I’m hypomanic I at least have much less noticeable symptoms. Is it normal to not be *constantly* bouncing off the walls and exhibiting symptoms?",Hypomanic symptoms question,2 +336,"I got on medications for bipolar 2, I like them and I don't yeah sure I feel less crazy in a sense but I also feel like a walking zombie at times. It's a love hate relationship at this point, but I know it's something I MUST take for the rest of my life but at times I just I don't do feel like me at times. More of a bleh feeling..am I the only one who feels like this? Is it normal?",Am I the only one?,2 +337,How do you guys manage panic and anxiety attacks? I’m currently having one right now and am struggling to breath. I know I’m being irrational but I can’t stop. Does anyone have any helpful feedback or tips?,Panic attack. Tips?,2 +338,"After six months of struggling, I finally felt like I got my depression under control. However, lately my mood has been faltering due to how lonely I am. It’s a type of loneliness I’ve never felt before; it’s so bad it physically hurts. I can’t find the words to explain the intensity of it. It hurts so bad. + +I can genuinely say I have only one friend, and she lives halfway across the world. I live with my parents while I attend college. I have to take online classes so the only time I really leave my house is to go to a coffeeshop a couple days a week. I don’t have a driver’s license due to crippling anxiety (I’m working on getting it), so even if I did have friends, I wouldn’t be able to see them often. So I have no one. No one to talk to besides my parents, and that’s just mostly superficial stuff. + +I’m sorry if this is all over the place. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on what I could do to stop myself from slipping into full depression.",Loneliness triggering depression,2 +339,"Okay so around this time last year I went on Seroquel IR due to unable to sleep and depressive symptoms. That shit rocked me and I couldn’t handle being a zombie 16 hours a day. So I switched to XR a couple months later. Well jump to now I want to come off it. One I think the depressive symptoms are mainly gone. I just can’t handle the side effects any more. The constant hunger that can’t be ignored, so hard to wake up at in the AM ect. I know this is bad but I stopped taking it for a few days because of hypomanic episode and it wasn’t the episode but not being on it that made me feel so much fucking better. Like I could breathe. + +I’m still on lamotrigine and want to go up more since my mood has been a little whacky so I’m obviously not on nothing. + +But have people gone off Seroquel after a bad depressive episode and was your psych on board or did they make you switch meds? Did you just fall back into a depression? Please just let me know any of your stories. + +Thanks all",Coming off Seroquel,2 +340,"The lack of motivation, the sheer amount of willpower required to do the most basic things, and the constant muscle aches/pains are really taking a toll on my work. I usually call in sick, but just wondering how others manage.",How to manage bipolar fatigue?,2 +341,"It just doesn’t feel like there’s any way up. I’ve been in law school for 3 years and it’s been a struggle every day. Trying to hold down 2 jobs right now to pay rent, but about to quit one because I just can’t do it. Everyone is telling I have to grind and not be lazy and I just feel like such a failure. I called out today because I can���t eat, can’t sleep, and feel like I’m falling apart. I’m seeing shit out of the corner of my eye all the time. Constantly crying or or ready to start a fight. Trying and failing every week to have a routine or be consistent with anything. I feel like I can never be a lawyer. + +I’m just so tired and everyone I know thinks I’m just lazy and dramatic. I don’t want a lifetime of this. I hate that this is who I am now. + +Rant over.",I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live,2 +342,"i am unsure how to express this other than i have this underlying desire to end my life, i am confused about my identity and i have no substance as an individual. while others around me discuss their interests i can only muster a disingenuous laugh to contribute anything. i dont know how to follow along a conversation anymore and i am so hyper aware of my own shortcomings in life and this aching feeling of not liking being in my own skin that ive always always always had and I have grown accustomed to. the thought of suicide doesn’t even feel flighty or impulsive anymore it just feels right. i remind myself that one day i may feel good in my flesh, but for know i am an imposter in life.",suicidal?,2 +343,How does anyone get up in the morning? I work from home and won’t get up til my morning meeting and will just keep snoozing my alarm cause I feel so depressed and all I wanna do is sleep.,Getting out of bed in morning,2 +344,"What are some good tips for calming/helping a manic episode? The episode started by overdoing illicit substances but now is full blown manic even tho the substances have stopped being consumed. The episode has been going on for over a month and some of the symptoms include: + +*very talkative +*poor memory +*making impulsive decisions +*over sexualization of self +*violent +*scatter brained +*stealing + +Will the episode ever calm down and is there a way to calm it down/go back to normal? Besides professionals doctors, what can I do in the mean time?",How To Help a Manic Episode,2 +345,"Does anyone get so unbelievably out of control on their period? I can usually tell when I’m about to get mine because I start to feel suicidal and I feel like I’m extremely manic on my period. Like once it’s over I feel completely serene, but the hormones just kick everything into over drive and I feel so horrible.",Does anyone feel worse when they’re on their period?,2 +346,"i feel like something big is gonna happen and i’m not gonna be prepared. i don’t have the strong emotions happening right now and i don’t know what to do with myself. i feel uneasy. my brain feels somewhat calm. + +i know if i get off my medication i will become manic and i know it’s bad and i hurt myself and spend hours sobbing and calling 988 and other hot/warm lines. + +i’m feeling the urge to self harm which i know won’t be a one time thing for the next few weeks or even longer. i feel like something bad is gonna happen and i need to do it to myself for control. + +i haven’t known i was bipolar during my last manic episode so now i want to trigger one and get off my medication for a week or 2 + +i don’t know what to do, help.",i feel like things are too “fine” and need to get off my medication,2 +347,"I (f 37) was recently diagnosed due to a hypomanic episode that related in an inpatient stay. +I have been on lamotrigine 3 months. + +One day about 2 weeks ago, I woke up depressed, tired, slow, irritated, not caring about anything, etc etc… +Real depression, not a bad mood & not hormonal! +The depression came on so suddenly, like being hit by a depression-train. + +It got worse every day, until I was snapping at colleagues, thinking about not being here etc. +Life was getting unmanageable. + +This kind of depression is nothing new to me, I expected it to last for months. + +On the 9th day, I woke up no longer depressed. +Completely “normal”. +Which obviously I am not complaining about… + +Is this sudden onset depression common? + +I am obviously pretty cautious in feeling better, sort of wondering if I am in for a rollercoaster ride over the coming months…? + +Any support or advice, others’ experiences much appreciated…",Sudden depression?,2 +348,"I have had diagnosed bipolar for a few years now, been on multiple medications and recently I feel like I’m just passed the point of being treated. + +I’ve had some really destructive manic episodes and it has included a lot of drug use. + +My finances are out of control and now I just feel like I have no motivation to do anything with my life. +I hate this I want to live a normal life but I just don’t think it’s ever happening","Rapid cycling, mania getting worse and ruining my life",2 +349,"I have been with my partner for a little over 9 years now. We have had our ups and downs. I've done things in the relationship during manic episodes that I am not proud of. I've sought sexual relationships (mainly sexting) with others, been emotionally abusive, and quite manipulative. This was primarily during times before I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and on a solid medication/therapy regiment. Now, I feel like I am the partner they need. + +Howerve, and here's the rub, I have a sinking suspicion she is not the partner I need. She isn't supportive anymore and is somewhat condescending. She is constantly reminding me of all the past pain I have caused, and when I bring up that it was in the past she just says that I am not taking responsibility for that pain. Recently, she has gone so far as to comment on my appearance, calling my beard pubes and asking me to shave so she can find me attractive again. She brags to others that she got me to shave and belittles me in front of friends. She fights with me anytime I bring up a change that I wish to see in the relationship. She has commented on my weight. SHe has commented on my ability to be a father. She has accused me of having inappropriate emotional relationships with friends. + +I am honestly not sure if deserve this. I did emotionally cheat on her. I have verbally accosted her. I have been mean, aggressive, and manipulative in my own. These actions are mainly when I am manic and being confronted. I become incredibly defensive, to the point that I will be this way. + +I know the relationship sick and that we need to speak with a couples counselor, but I am afraid that my partner will just listen and not change. Now, she used to be quite supportive. She took me in when I had no place to go after coming back from Afghanistan. She dealt with my PTSD. She has loved me through so much. I just am hurt by the way she is currently treating me.",Am I in an abusive relationship?,2 +350,"So, I just recently had a new evaluation and the proctor is convinced that I’ve been misdiagnosed. Which is extremely common with BPD and bipolar. But. Now I’m struggling. I feel relieved but horrified. Not to say that bipolar is better than BPD or less bad, but it’s just distressing to have a label stripped and replaced with another. If I’m being honest, I’ve doubted my bipolar diagnosis for a long time now, but somehow I feel like I’m betraying my sense of community and self by feeling hopeful. It’s like? Idk I guess it was easier to say it’s just +Bipolar because it became a cop out.It was easier to dismiss my explosive emotions and constant mood swings as just being bipolar symptoms. Because it meant that I could treat it with meds. And I tried so hard to act like the mood stabilizers help, but They don’t. I cycle through so many extremes on a daily basis. At my old psych all of this was dismissed and treated with anti psychotics that just make me feel sluggish and disinterested. It feels liberating to be listened to for once, but I feel so? Lost. Like I’ve just been stripped of the “identity” I’ve been cultivating for years. It’s weird. It feels like I owe everyone an update. Like I’ve got to go on an “I’ve got BPD!” Tour so that no one hates me or accuses me of faking a disorder. Ugh. Idk man. Feeling liberated but also scared. Can I stay in this sub lmao? I’m so comfy here",Well it’s been a good run boys but the doctor thinks it’s actually BPD lmao,2 +351,"Uhhh so my self esteem has been so incredibly low that now when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize my face. I feel like a stranger. It’s scary and weird to look directly into my eyes in the mirror because I just feel like it’s not me in the reflection. + +I avoid pictures and mirrors all the time and now I don’t know how to get back to feeling at least a bit comfortable with ny face. Please help.",I can’t even recognize myself,2 +352,Does anybody else hear voices and if so do they sound like they come from a different location in your head? Usually I’m able to visualize it as a spherical plane where my inner voice is at the center but usually the voices sound like they come from a different location. Usually being closer to either one of my ears yet still noticeably inside the sphere.,Voices,2 +353,"This is all very hypothetical for myself, but I'm hoping others reading have insight. I am in the US. + +I'm in a job that often triggers me for various reasons. I've been in a almost constant depressive episode for the past almost two months. The exception is some hours of natural ease/happiness from spending time with a few nonjudgmental friends throughout that time. My work performance has tanked and it's becoming an issue. I have coworkers talking to my boss about it, and I don't blame them, but my boss is trying to be nice about it to a degree that makes me worry that I'm taking his reputation. + +I will be doing an out-patient treatment program in the next few weeks. I am already on intermittent FMLA, but the current plan (which i do not like much) is to do part-time work in the afternoons at my current job while i do the program in the mornings. + +I just had an anxiety attack after getting a phonecall from my boss to talk about it. I feel like the end is near, but my boss and a few coworkers are still trying to be on my side and I see that. However, i need to leave sooner or later. I used references to get this job (I've been in it for just under a year) that were absolutely glowing from people I respect. Quitting is embarrassing for me and I wonder how much it will reflect on them. I don't feel comfortable using them as references any more. I have a long job history on my resume, with a new job about every three years. But i think it will look weird if i don't use anyone from those jobs as references. + +My main question is: +Assuming I don't have references, how do I find a job? + +I'm 30, I live alone because I have a hard time with roommates. I know i can be ""the problem,"" but I always try to resolve any conflict and the older I've gotten the better I've gotten, but I also am in a difficult place emotionally and am having a hard time focusing and functioning. I feel like I'm at the edge and yet there's a light at the end of the tunnel of treatment if i can just figure out how to do this job a little bit longer and find something else that can help me keep my home and continue my medications and therapy. + +Feels like a tall order. + +TL;DR: Assuming I don't have references, how do I find a job as someone in their 30s?",Tips on finding employment after quitting job due to BP?,2 +354,"I've been pondering the question of ""what's next"" for almost 2 years now, and I can't make the decision. The country where I now live was always a temporary destination but due to covid I was forced to stay longer than expected. Now I feel like I'm stuck here. It's been 4 years here, 2 years longer than anticipated, and I don't know what to do. Whatever choice I make, it's a big life choice that due to my financial situation locks me in to that choice for a few years. Simply said I don't trust my decisions. When I finally pin something down I ask myself ""is this decision made by a sane mind or am I in some state of either mania or depression"". But because it's so difficult to figure out I end up doing nothing. This has been going on for 2 years now and I'm not sure what to do. Do you have any experience with this, and how do you make big decisions? Is there a way to minimise the risks of a bad decision because of the disease?",I was wondering if you also find it impossible to make difficult decisions?,2 +355,"Just curious how many others feel this spring “up”. I know it’s not uncommon for moods to fluctuate with seasons, I consider myself fairly stable with my med cocktail + general management of my mental health. But god damn, the sun comes out, it’s above 10 degrees and all those tingly feelings come back and I feel the hypomania trying to escape. + +Anyone else?",Spring mood changes,2 +356,"Hello, I walked out of my apartment door this morning and almost stepped on a homeless man who appeared to be high sleeping in my hallway. I also assume he got the drugs from the dealer on the second floor, I digress... I am bipolar my income is limited but I wonder if it what life would be like living in one of those apartment complexes with amenities. The mental health of those around me is not good and I am curious on how big of a role this plays on someone recovering?",How does your living situation effect you?,2 +357,,how can i tell if i am just feeling better or this will be hypomania,2 +358,"I’ve been struggling a bit recently. 33F, diagnosed bipolar (type unspecified) 4 years ago. + +I have a clear history of depression going back to high school that I don’t dispute. I was diagnosed ADHD as an elementary schooler and again in high school (good student but disruptive in class, incessant talker, impulse control issues, highly unmotivated unless I’m interested in the subject, object permanence issues that persist today), medicated for it on and off, was prescribed a variety of medications and responded best to Adderall, but I also have a touch of anxiety so dosing was finicky. Treating the ADHD diagnosis yielded some progress, but never addressed all of my issues. I was medicated for depression at various times with similar results, but notably* was never treated for both diagnoses at the same time. (Edited a typo.) + +Four years ago I was unmedicated and my depression was the worst it had ever been. I started seeing a new psychiatrist, pried a bit into my family medical history (both ADHD and bipolar appear), and got a bipolar diagnosis. I’ve been on Trileptal and Wellbutrin since then, and like before, I feel a little better than I did before the meds, but the issues aren’t addressed. My symptoms are mixed, and I feel some degree of symptomatic (obviously good days and bad ones) every single day. My manic symptoms consistently spike in conjunction with anxiety flare ups, which are always traceable to a trigger. + +My sister (28F) is diagnosed with depression and ADHD and, when she describes how the combination affects her, it matches up to my constant mixed symptoms to a T. I’ve started to wonder if I haven’t been going at my mental health the wrong way, and I’m extremely anxious about bringing it up to my doctor for fear of sounding manic. I don’t think that I’m healed or no longer in need of meds, and I don’t plan on taking myself off of them. I also don’t plan on asking for stimulants; I’m open to any treatment plan deemed a fit. But I have a lot of concern that I won’t be taken seriously. + +Has anyone been through anything like this? To be clear, I’m not asking for commentary on a diagnosis! Just seeking advice for broaching this subject with my doctor. Part of me wonders if I might be best off trying to connect with a new one; I’ve raised concerns about my meds not being effective numerous times in the past and haven’t really felt heard. But then I worry about the appearance of doctor shopping, and again, I’m not actively seeking stimulants. Anyway, any wisdom would be appreciated!","Wondering if I was misdiagnosed— no, I’m not taking myself off of my meds.",2 +359,I used to walk more when I was in college but now I work more of a in the office job. It’s easy to maintain gym workouts when I’m more in an up but when the depression hits everything is hard. Anyone have anything that they can maintain in the highs and lows? (I’m still trying to become stable)! Thanks!,Does anyone have a specific exercise that helps with their symptoms the most and helps with weight loss?,2 +360,"I’m so scared right now, I’ve been sober for one year and I’m in a half way house. I drink energy drinks often but I normally stick to redbull but today I thought I might try Celsius and I drank two within 4 hours and I normally do that for red bulls but I do not feel good I feel like I just took some adderall and I hate it. Hopefully my sponsor calls me back because I’m kinda freaking out. I reallly don’t like how this is making me feel I thought it was a normal energy drink but it’s make me feel manic but also super focused. Anything I can do?",Celsius drinks,2 +361,"I’m not sure how many readers are in this group, but I want to know more about my bipolar disorder. Do any of you know any great recommendations in fiction or non - fiction books on bipolar disorder? I appreciate any response.",Books on Bipolar Disorder,2 +362,"Hi all, + +In gym class today, I was playing dodgeball and the girl (that I don't like for many reasons) was in the corner not really doing anything and I screamed at her. Completely unprovoked. Usually, I'm a super chill person and avoid confrontation at all costs but I was literally in like a dream-like state where I thought I was having a dream and that I could do anything I wanted without any repercussions. This has happened before when I thought I was asleep and I could do anything I wanted and I am also diagnosed with Bipolar I. Looking back I do regret it because this is going to be a fucking headache for me and I'm so scared that I'm gonna do something that then gets put on my record because that would make it harder for colleges and also because I am being scouted to go to schools for my sport. So can anyone tell me if colleges, specifically recruitment scouts, care about records and mental illnesses that are so active as Bipolar I?",High school and Bipolar,2 +363,"I recently went through a very distressing breakup where he cut me out of his life completely. I don't have any family or friends to call, they all tell me to talk to a professional. So I blocked them. No sense causing strife. + +My psych doctor doesn't answer emails, my family doctor doesn't have an email or phone number, my therapist doesn't give out her number or respond to emails. I don't know where to turn in crisis. The wait at my ER is 12 hours or more. + +I don't have a sponsor yet or anyone from AA to call. Meetings make me sad because I am not ruining my life with alcohol, I have nothing to ruin even if I tried. Bipolar takes those things away from you. + +I really want to go buy it. Everyone tells me not to drink but doesn't want to support me when times get hard. I understand they have their own problems, and it's not personal, but I NEED HELP. I only fucking stopped drinking beduse a psych doctor said it would help my moods and how my drugs process through my body but I've never felt worse. It's been 72 days and no end in sight for the pain. I am no longer taking my meds right and going to buy weed. I am done. I will take the psychosis risk. I'll take maniam + +Where do I go? Is there a helpline I can call when I need immediate support to not buy alcohol? I don't feel suicidal, so I'm not sure if that is acceptable. + +Let me repeat in caps. **I DO NOT FEEL SUICIDAL** I am in pain and self destructive. There is a difference.",I am sober 72 days and trying to resist ending my sobriety. I am no longer taking my meds right and going to buy weed. Where do I turn to for help? Story inside,2 +364,,Working on a new autobio comic!,2 +365,"Hanged Man tied from umbilical to Empress, + +Expectations bestowed like thunder, + +“But he stutters”, + +“And is pigeon toed to the point of falling down after a few steps,” + +Oil added, + +Oil lit, + +Conveyor off, + +Couplings bent, + +“Is he queer?” + +Interrogate, + +Placating? + +Mind shifts its hue, + +Severe melancholy, + +Locked in bed, + +To straight up anger and frustration, + +How I not know you don’t go days without sleep? + +Shrinking in my clothes as I have no time to eat, + +Freshman year at university results in an ambulance ride to a ward, + +“Bipolar?” + +“Fuck you! I’m too perfect to be told such!” + +Ahhhh, dumbass at 18 knows nothing of taking initiative and listening to professional advice, + +Going up and down mountains makes me not want to taste psychosis again, + +I’ve matured and now take my meds, + +Rather proud of myself, + +But….. + +How many times I tied that rope around my neck? + +Card says Hanged Man, + +What is it saying to me? + +Is it correct?",Lackluster,2 +366,"Hi all! +First of all I just want to say that this page has been so helpful and reassuring for me. I was diagnosed a few years ago with bipolar 2. For me I experience more hypomania. For a while I was misdiagnosed until a few years ago when I experienced a manic episode and threw myself out of a moving car then was taken to a mental hospital lol. It’s not funny but it is to me. After that I was able to get my meds under control and my diagnosis. I have been on meds since I was 13, I am 28 now. I was diagnosed in 2018. I am still having trouble coping with it, sometimes I feel like I have a split personality. Sometimes I want to die and slam my head in to a wall. I get overstimulated easily at time and will randomly cry. Most people don’t understand how to handle me. More recently I have been turning to cocaine to help because I just miss the happy high periods. Does anyone else struggle with substance abuse??",Bipolar things I need to talk about,2 +367,"All my life I’ve had anxiety & ADHD. I had parents who said “rub some dirt in it” to everything, so I wasn’t diagnosed until college. Started taking adhd meds. I was in therapy for a while, feeling good, but after a few years couldn’t afford it anymore. 5-6 months ago I was put on Setraline by my PCP and started therapy with BetterHelp (that therapy app). A month ago my therapist says she thinks I have BPD or bipolar depression or PTSD, maybe more than one. And I stop taking the setraline. Two weeks ago my therapist said she believes I have bipolar depression and need to seek additional support. +Anybody have any advice on any of it? Like where the heck do I start? +Yes I know this is social media and I’m not going to take any one persons experience or advice and run with it, but I get overwhelmed with medical jargon and I’d love to get an idea of what I may be up against & what I may want to be cautious of.",I hate being a freshman,2 +368,"Okay, so 2 years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, and at the time I was like, ""this doesn't sound right, but I guess I'll go with it."" I was put on lamotrigene after a 20 minute appointment with my psychiatrist where, with some vague descriptions of what my highs and lows were, he decided it was a solid diagnosis. But the thing is, he never asked for specifics about what they were like, just generally if I experienced them. + +The highs of my 'mania' would last about 1-3 months at a time, and usually consisted of me being very active and upbeat, but I never exactly had any risky behaviors associated with it. I've never had periods of hypersexuality, or completely upended my life on a whim or anything extreme like that. I can get irritable, and my impulse control has never been great, but I've never felt like my thoughts were racing or anything like that. + +Probably the most 'extreme' thing I've ever done was to move to a different state after a 5 year relationship that I felt trapped in ended. I just needed a fresh start from it and I got that before moving back home with a better perspective (albeit in the middle of a depressive episode). + +In fact, the only really concerning thing I ever had going on were intense periods of depression (also lasting between 1 and 3 months at a time). I would have a hard time getting myself motivated to do basic tasks and my interest in things I enjoyed waned during those times to pretty much nothing. + +Being put on meds, I was just coming out of a long funk and, after starting lamotrigene, it never really felt like that funk ended. I still have problems motivating myself to do basic things, even 2 years in, and I constantly feel like I'm lagging and forcing myself to do everything and I hate it. During my up periods I used to actually workout and be active and would write and take my son to the park and be an active and eager participant in family activities. But since being medicated I don't have any of that. I'm gaining weight and have zero motivation to do anything about it despite being miserable because of it, being an active parent feels like a chore, and I can't write to save my life. + +I feel like I'm a totally different person, and I don't want to be this way anymore. I think I might have been misdiagnosed, but idk how to broach this with my psychiatrist (I feel like he barely listens to me). If anything my symptoms are much closer to that of ADHD or MDD just applying my lived experiences to them, but when I tried to bring up ADHD he kind of handwaved it away saying that adult ADHD was difficult to diagnose and left it there. + +I'm not sure how to bring this up with him and was hoping some people here might be able to give me some tips on how to do that? Should I get a 2nd opinion from another psychiatrist? I just want to stop feeling this way.",I think I was misdiagnosed,2 +369,"Soon after discovering I’m bipolar I realized that it clearly affects the way I grieve. Throughout the year I was 23-24 I lost 12 people I was close to in a wide variety of ways, it was too much for my brain so I just didn’t process it. I didn’t feel like I had the time. At 26 I lost a cousin who I had greatly looked up to and I still wasn’t processing, so I started therapy which helped me move on from the then 13 deaths. This was also prior to medication. + +At this time, I am now medicated and I’m grieving a brother, a grandmother, and an aunt who all died of separate causes though two died on the same night. All in the span of February. It’s again too much for my brain. Way too much. Like in the universe of shitty fuckery I have dealt with (which is a lot) this really takes the cake. + +My brain is bouncing all over. From sobbing with utter despair and literally being unable to pick myself up off the floor to being so manic that I want to tear my hair out and break everything around me so instead I manic clean, to just existing. + +I haven’t even been able to return to work and it’s almost April. I raised my brother and I feel like I didn’t just lose a brother. I lost a son and a friend. Every stage of grieving just feels pointless. It’s too much. I don’t know what to do…",Bipolar and Grieving,2 +370,"I’m in the middle of changing my meds once again, and my anger keeps getting the best of me. I feel like I don’t have any control over my behavior. Abilify was working but I switch to another med because I was gaining weight and my dad kept calling me fat. (m26) btw. So I switched to oxcarbazepine, That didn’t work at all so now I’m back on Abilify. I feel like I just can’t win. I have a fairly privileged life so complaining just feels wrong, but I really need to vent. I just hate myself for hating myself (if that makes any sense). I feel like I’m treating the people around me like shit witch makes me feel worse. I don’t mean to, my terrible thoughts just slip out. Every thing just kind of hurts. I’m tired.",I’m loosing it again,2 +371,"(21f) I've already dropped out of uni once before because it makes my episodes so much worse ig. First time I dropped out it was because of a depressive episode in which I severely self harmed and almost had another suicide attempt and was hospitalised again. + +Now I've been trying really hard w new meds and everything to be at least somewhat consistent w uni work and yet i had another self harm relapse and i had a hypomanic episode in which I did everything but uni work and now exams have come up again and I'm just going to fail them. +The guilt of all of my uni work going to shit bc of this really makes me want to just end myself because it just makes me feel like such a failure and weakling for giving in to the disorder or whatever. + +I just feel like I'm wasting everyones time with deluding myself that I can finish Uni like this. I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. + +Also uni in my country doesn't have any kind of proper health leave or break system. Or a school therapist .",Considering dropping out of Uni (again),2 +372,"I got diagnosed as bipolar and it’s been really difficult seeing other people online who have had different experiences than me with it. It kind of makes me feel like mine isn’t real or that i’m making it up somehow. Its hard to see the person I am when I’m manic as me. This all makes sticking to meds a challenge. I know I’ll just end up talking to a wall by myself in a psych ward without them, but all of this makes it really hard to follow through. Has anyone else felt this way?",Different Experiences,2 +373,"being in a low is getting pretty tiresome. Especially with PMDD on top of it all. I’m pretty self aware and tell my partner to hide “dangerous” things in the house when I’m heading into the low. When I’m in it I just can’t believe any of my beliefs ie: “everything happens for a reason” lol + +I used to think I had a lesson to learn, I’m on earth for a reason. Why would I be given a lesson that’s so hard? + +Does anyone else feel this way? +Or does anyone have something extremely enlightening to add? +Thank you friends x",purpose? will to live????,2 +374,"When the caffeine cravings, sleeplessness, and thoughts of skipping my meds kick in while getting that familiar tingle in my chest… here it comes. Praying God & this community give me the strength to combat these familiar patterns and stay on course.",Dreadddd,2 +375,"These are from my IOP. Thought I’d share them. Anyone can use them, it doesn’t hurt. Just another tool to add to your belt. I hope you find this useful. + +https://self-compassion.org/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/",Self compassionate practices. From my IOP therapist leader. If you feel so inclined.,2 +376,"I have adhd and my psychiatrist suspects I have co-occurring bipolar ll. i don’t know how i feel about that cuz it seems like there’s a fair bit of overlap between adhd and bipolar symptoms even though they’re completely different conditions. here are some questions i have: + +1. how does co-occurring adhd affect bipolar symptoms? + +2. how does hypomania/mania look different than a mood shift related to adhd? + +3. if you’ve ever just been on stimulant medication, what was your experience?",some questions,2 +377,"I was diagnosed as bipolar, but honestly, I don't know if I am. The signs I have seem to be more ADHD than bipolar, including: rejection dysphoria, trouble concentrating, procrastination, etc. What I have that maybe are bipolar characteristics are: sometimes I get irritated easily; attachment issues; maladptive daydreaming; GAD and depression. But other than that, I don't know if I'm bipolar. I am, for now, taking 450mg of lithium for 5 days. In 2 days I will increase to 900mg. I'm scared, because I don't know if this is really my disorder. What happens to people who aren't bipolar but take lithium? I'm not feeling any positive differences, it's just making me feel bad physically, for now.",Bipolar x Anxiety x ADHD,2 +378,"Drank 3 beers. Decided that tonight was the night that I wanted to be confrontational with my partner. It escalated into me becoming fully psychotic. Disassociating. Walking into the water behind our house. Losing my phone there. +I'm afraid of who Ive become. +It's only been this bad about 2 times before. +Im consumed with guilt. I had two kids who heard me losing it. I'm devastated. Anxious. +My partner was able to calm me down towards the end. But at that point the doom was full throttle. The sinking. Drowning. Feeling incredibly out of place just by existing. +Woke up those morning feeling like I'd been hit by a train. My eyes were so sore and bloodshot from crying for hours on end. +I don't know what to do anymore. .how do you come back from that? My kids do not know I'm bipolar but they are old enough I think to know (12&14)? +I'm too ashamed to tell them. +If anyone is in a similar place please feel free to share what keeps you going.",Had a terrifying episode last night,2 +379,"My immune system likes to attack itself, I have an autoimmune disorder, and I want to take lamictal. And... After reading on it a bit, I am really excited about the results might be, but The Rash is a big fear of mine due to my disorder. + +My PCP said that ""We cant promise you wont have adverse reactions"" but he refused to tell me if he thought that I would actually have a higher risk. So, I wanna hear out from the community about your experiences were.",Anyone take lamictal with ulcerative colitis,2 +380,"**Disclaimer, not asking if I'm manic Ik im manic I just am curious on if what I think caused it is even possible** + +Well it's official, my guess was correct, i know this because i've been crying for no reason and I was like oh im just dramatic, then i started getting very irritable, then paranoid, and now I feel coked up. I hate it here idk what triggered it. + +Is it possible that realllly good news could have triggered it? Cause over springbreak I got the best news that the person who sexually assaulted me got suspended from the school. And I had like this burst of euphoria because I was so happy, I stayed up for two days because I had so much energy, but other than that I don't think I had any other symptoms. Last week tuesday is when the random crying episodes began. My ex has been trying to take care of me because I would just ball for no reason and I was trying to figure out why, like i couldnt be alone or else i would start crying from anxiety and then on sunday I was so depressed I was staring off into space and wouldnt move or talk so my ex had to help me out of bed. + +Yesterday I had sugar and was like hm this is a suspisuous amount of energy. Then today after I got a good critique from my proffesor I got filled with energy, then I ate food and drank water and now I have even more because when Im manic and I eat or drink water it makes the mania worse. But like seriously could good news have caused this? + +Over break I was also pretty inconsistant with meds but I was still taking them. Like I think I missed one night dose (Which I've done before and I've felt compleltly fine. I take 300mg total 200mg morning 100mg at night of lamictal, I was preparing for a depressive episode if i lost but now i'm having a mixed episode for the first time in a year which i was really happy about my winning streak against that and I havent been manic since like novemeber. + +Anyways from the way I'm typing im like 100% sure that I am and it's just been getting worse throughout the day. I need to take some hydroxizine that typically takes me down from the euphoria. Like I feel great but I hate feeling this happy and peppy and literally nausious from energy it's 3pm and I've eaten like four fried mozzarella sticks and that made me so stuffed. + +Okay sorry again, do you think this good new could have triggered it? Because it wasn't until springbreak that i thought I was hypomanic, but it's been like two weeks and the symptoms have gotten worse.",Im manic advice/input please,2 +381,"So, I have a lot of problems because I'm also border. Sometimes I get picky with food and stop to eat, I can't shower and have trouble with my sleep. Anyone like this too? I don't like to feel this way, I take my meds everyday and talk to my therapist and still feel bad, I have suicidal thoughts and I drink and smoke a lot. I tried to talk with other bipolars in real life but they don't want to talk about it. My house is trash, I feel no good and I'm always shaking. Sorry, I just need someone to talk to.",I need someone to talk about bipolar,2 +382,"My mood is being wack depressed anxiety spurts of a bunch of energy anger blah blah blah it’s literally all of these all day. So what’s everyone’s favorite mood tracker? I use EMMO which I like a lot bc it’s cute af but since my mood is crazy I need something to track throughout the day. I kinda like the thought of a journal but I don’t have time to make it cute bc it needs to be cute and cohesive. + +I found a bunch of apps curated to ppl with bipolar but idk if that’s are cool or not. + +Suggestions please",Best mood tracker app,2 +383,"I did an ocd assessment with my psychologist today (turns out I’m right on the moderate cusp of ocd symptoms goody for me I guess) and I talked with her about how to bring this up with my med manager bc those symptoms have been bad lately. And really the best meds that I’m aware of for treatment of ocd are SSRIs which I’ve had mixed reactions with in the past. + +For a long time I thought I wasn’t bipolar bc I stopped taking my meds cold turkey and didn’t have a life ruining spiral I was just depressed on and off for a few years until some hormonal changes triggered my hypomanic episodes again. But in all this time I never once realized that my hypomanic episodes from before ended after I stopped taking lexapro. That was part of my cocktail with lamotrigine and rotating through antipsychotics. I was having little episodes and blips and mixed features all through that original course of treatment. I never counted that in my story bc I figured I was being appropriately treated for bipolar when I clearly wasn’t. This isn’t like earth shattering news but it is yet another confirmation that this is real and I’m miffed about it lol",little meds revelation during therapy,2 +384,"Hey y’all . Been thinking about my experiences and reflecting on my behavior and actions prior to being medicated. Not gonna lie, still have some denial.. you know the “I’m not bipolar” thoughts . However I take my meds because I know deep down there is some truth to the diagnosis . Anyone ever used to get a high when they bought stuff? I used to get this insane rush when I would buy things and spend money frivolously prior to being medicated. I did get myself into financial trouble. Now that I’m medicated, when I look at things to potentially buy- I almost have the opposite feeling. I get out off by it all. Anyone else notice that after being medicated? Just curious. Also - anyone ever miss the “high”? I sure as heck don’t want to go back to that but on occasion I do miss that feeling, as weird as that sounds.",High from impulse spending,2 +385,"Hi... I really need a space to express myself right now. I have had a BP diagnosis for just over 8 years. I was diagnosed at 18, and I stayed medicated until I was 22. However, when I was 22 I ended up homeless due to a conflict with my mother. I was having trouble getting my medication at the time, so I eventually talked to my doctor about weaning myself off my medication. He agreed that I was handling my symptoms very well, and that we could give it a shot. All was very well for the next unmedicated 3.5 years. + +However, just this year, I've been going through some noticeable changes. Starting about 6 months ago, I settled into hypomania and dealt with it rather well. However, that hypomania, for the first time ever, developed into mania. I am currently enjoying the worst depressive episode I have ever had in my life - but I'm thinking it's a mixed episode because I am also irritable and experiencing impulse control issues. + +I've heard that bipolar can become more intense as you age, but I really didn't see this coming. I thought I was one of ""the lucky ones"" whose symptoms weren't severe enough to necessitate treatment and that I could use all the tools I learned in my many years of inpatient and outpatient therapy to stay on track. I do have an intake appointment for a local psychiatric care group lined up, but, for the first time, my symptoms are so bad that I'm having trouble working and doing day-to-day tasks. I have also noticed a lapse in memory, which really scares me. I can't bear to be around people because I don't want them to see me like this. And I'm scared I'll lash out at them before I can think twice. + +I know that I will ride this out. I know that everything that goes up will eventually go down and back up again. But right now, I would help to know that I'm not completely alone in this.",I Think My BP Is Getting Worse,2 +386,"Hello everyone + +First, I'm French, so sorry if my english is not perfect perfect. + +I'm 24 years old, living in Paris and apparently bipolar type 1 with intense psychotic features. + +My life was almost totally hell for several years, after my diagnosis. + +The doctors didn't correctly adjust my medication, and I already have undergo more than 2 very big crisis. Since we have discovered that I needed neuroleptic, my life has changed for the best. + +Despite my age, I'm still in an undergraduate program at university. In fact, my disease has caused many issues during my school and university years. I would love to become a ""documentarian"" (somebody who work in the field of documentation, information...). I want to have my first job, in the public domain, in less than two or three years. + +I have a boyfriend since 5 years, and I would love to build a life with him. He's already working since several years, so I'm eager to work, so we can ""advance"". + +I would like to have a family, one or two children, and a house, in a place that we would love. + +BUT I have to be realistic. Since my diagnosis, I had more than 2 very big crisis, and many littles ones. + +I have decided since two years to perfectly take my traitement. So my life is better now. But in 2022, I had a hypomaniac and next mixte episode, which cause many problems in my study program. I'm in the obligation to do one year in two years, because I have too much delay. + +To be precise, my doctor and I had change Zyprexa to Abilify. The Abilify was at 15mg, the lithium that I take too was too low....So there was a crisis. Now, I'm hoping that the augmentation of lithium and Abilify will be relevant and protective for the years to come. + +Moreover, I decided to establish a more protective routine. I began yoga, stopped alcool... + +But I really need to be stable in the years to come in order to succeed in my academics, and in my life in general. + +Do you think it is possible ? Are my dreams impossible ? Do you think my stabilization in the long run is possible ? + +I precise that recently, a doctor said me that with this treatment, it wasn't impossible to be stabilized for me, but I don't know if I can believe him.",Young bipolar woman hoping for future,2 +387,"Hi. My mental health journey like so many others has been one of many difficulties. My psychiatrist believes I’ve been misdiagnosed with bipolar 2 and said I’m more aligned with bipolar 1 and I agree. + +Has anyone ever had this happen to them too? It’s so frustrating to be misdiagnosed time and time again",bipolar 2 to bipolar 1 misdiagnosis?,2 +388,"Me and my fiancé haven’t been wanting to use condoms,but we still don’t want any babies rn! so I was curious is anyone that is on here taking birth control? If so what form of birth control and what other bipolar medications y’all take with it? Also how was or is your experience with it?",Are there any birth control options that work well for bipolar II?,2 +389,"I never had a relationship last over 4-5 month because of my illness, they get tired of me as soon as I am not the fun person I was anymore, they get distant if I have a depressive episode, get mad if my sexual drive is low. + +What Am I doing wrong? + +Why am I like this?",Will I ever feel loved?,2 +390,"At what point have you brought up the topic of impulsive spending with your partner? I’ve been with my partner for about a year and a half and we currently live together. I’m very open about BP and he’s supportive, but I can’t get myself to bring up the topic of finances. He knows I’ve struggled before from past manic episodes, but he doesn’t know the extent of the damage those did to my bank account. I struggle with feelings of shame and most of the time I would rather suffer in silence than let anyone know what’s going on behind the scenes. How do I tell someone that I’m in credit card debt (although not much rn thankfully) but I keep spending and making it worse? I feel like it’s trying to explain how addiction works to someone who’s never experienced it. I don’t want him to see me as irresponsible or look at me differently idk maybe I’m just in my head",Spending / relationships,2 +391,so to my knowledge seroquel is a weight gainer so my doctor avoided putting me on it for a while but now i’m taking 50mg and i have a huge decrease in appetite. even when i’m hungry i make a meal and only end up eating 1/2-3/4 of it. anyone else experience this?,Loss of appetite on Seroquel,2 +392,"Does anybody have any good tips on how to deal with acne as a side effect from the psych meds (lithium)? +I feel like I’ve tried everything, and maybe I should just accept it but… man I miss my clear skin",Acne from litarex,2 +393,"I don’t think I have it, I think I’m faking everything and I feel frustrated. I think I’ve made it all up in my head. + +I feel fine now that I’m on meds, I think I just need antidepressants not lamictal. I think I’m going to get off lamictal and just ask my therapist if I can get on an anti depressant. + +I think I just have cyclical depression and I’m just a bit cocky and and paranoid and irritable and creative.",I don’t think I have bipolar.,2 +394,"I had spinal surgery last July, and since then I feel like I've been extremely manic. I've gotten over 20 tattoos on my body and have spent all of my income as it comes in. I have 11 more scheduled, and that is with me really weeding out some of the ones I don't really want. I have been oddly stable but manic at the same time, some days stretching many days without need for sleep. My brain doesn't shut off. + +Is it possible to have long lasting mania that lasts more than 6 months? I'm terribly manic right now, and I fear the hypomania that is impending. I feel that my mania will last as long as I keep getting tattoos, but getting them is preventing me from being depressed as they make me very happy. I don't know, I'm a mess right now.",Long Lasting Mania?,2 +395,"Hello guys I’m right now in a depressive episode and can’t eat anything. I couldn’t eat in the past days at all and when I finally eat a bite I straight throw up, I’ve tried to eat slowly but everytime I see the food I just can’t eat it and I fell sick right the second I see it and I was wondering if someone had some experience too with that and maybe have some suggestions how I can eat something.",Can’t eat while depressive episode,2 +396,"Just officially got diagnosed with BP1 along with rapid cycling. Was prescribed lamotrigine starting at 12.5mg and slowly working up to 100mg. Along with Seroquel 25mg also slowly working up to 100mg as needed. And Clonzapam 1mg as needed. + +Not sure if this medication combo will work for me, but I’m excited to start the journey before I self-destruct to a point I can’t return from. I’m glad I’m finally getting help.",Official diagnosis,2 +397,"I received my Bipolar diagnosis last year and it’s been really affecting my friendships. I’ve managed to break every bond I once had and now I feel like I’ll never be able to make these type of connections again. I understand that people grow apart, life gets busy, and sometimes it’s better to be alone. I value my alone time, especially now that I’m learning to love this new version of me. However, I don’t want to be lonely 😔 Is it bad that I can’t keep friendships? I often ask myself if I’m just a bad friend or even a bad person because I can’t keep friends. I see my partner and their friend group and I just wish I had people like that. They make it look so easy, while I’m over here overthinking everything I said or did or if I overshared and overwhelmed them…Does it ever get better? Any advice ?",Struggling to keep friendships and being social,2 +398,"I can’t go to my uni classes, I can’t get a job, I can’t write an email, I can barely leave the house. I don’t want to leave the house. I’m scared of everything. + +I don’t even know what I’m scared of I just am. I’m just anxious. I was stable for like a year and now I’m plummeting I don’t know what to do. I was doing so well but now I’m just so anxious. I don’t want to have to quit my degree. + +I want to be good but it’s just hard. + +Thank you for listening to me",I’m so anxious. All the god damn time.,2 +399,"Age doesn’t really matter as much I just need to talk to someone who’s struggled with this illness for 5+ years and has landed on their feet. + +I have a lot of things to ask, and a lot of them are personal. I’m not sure if this is against the rules, from what I’ve read I can’t see any rule against this. + +Thanks in advance",I need to talk to someone who’s lived with this illness longer for advice,2 +400,"It hurts to see urself not the priority anymore. I was travelling and I came back yesterday so + +I called him and told him when will I see u + +he said he’s seeing his girl He hasn’t seen her in 2 days + +I told him u haven’t seen me in 10 days also how about u go see her and come see me after + +He said no he wants to spend the night with her and he didn’t apologize or anything + +Honestly I thought I’d just hear the words “I’m sorry but I can’t” like at least tell me I’ll make it up for u another day + +Nothing …",My best friend changed after he started dating,2 +401,,"I posted earlier about my mania which is just intense anxiety that consumes me and pours out of me. Found this, it perfectly describes me. Always thought my eps were mixed but didn’t know how different mixed was from the typical pattern. Thought it might help others",2 +402,Really struggling with this today. I was just diagnosed yesterday and it all makes sense. I’ve been struggling with it on and off for years. It’s super difficult not to act in it sometimes.,Hypersexuality,2 +403,"I have Bi Polar and don’t talk to anyone about it. How do I accept that I have it? +I’m 27 and was diagnosed when I was 21 but I still struggle with believing I have a mental illness.",My first time here,2 +404,"Sooo I moved roles at my company in September to a shift of Wed-Sat 2am-12pm. At this time, I didn't know the effects of my circadian rhythm on my bi polar. I was able to move to 4 am-2pm, but now I have been asked to go back to 2am-12pm. + +My question is, does anyone else do shift work? How do they manage it? I have a wife and 2 kids, 5 & 3. And I am seeing time just slip away.",Shift Work and Me,2 +405,"Now on a cocktail of lithium 300 mg x3, clonezepam .5mg, and risperidone 2 mg. Doc upped my meds after I told him about my most recent travels (traveling is really triggering for me). This cocktail helps but any tips getting through the work day? It makes me so tired and groggy and zombie like.","Now on a cocktail of lithium 300 mg x3, clonezepam .5mg, and risperidone 2 mg.",2 +406,"I think the medicine I'm on is starting to effect mine (and my wife's) sex life. I'm on 900mg of lithium, 80mg of Latuda, 100mg of Trazadone, 300mg if Wellbutrin. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions? I see my pdoc in 2 weeks",Meds effecting my sex life?,2 +407,"I’m currently manic and I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like this almost every time I’m manic. It’s especially bad since I’ve caught him cheating on me (more than once) so now my brain can “justify” it. I get extremely hypersexual when I’m manic and I find have my sex with someone that I’ve been having sex with for awhile extremely boring. I want new and exciting, the thrill of sleeping with someone I’ve never had sex with. I know this makes me seem like a shitty person but I just can’t stop thinking about it despite knowing how wrong it is + + +Edit to add: + +1.) I am not going to cheat, I am able to reason enough to know I won’t, but that doesn’t mean the thought isn’t there + +2.) I had to come off of the meds I was on due to pregnancy and it being known to cause birth defects. I go see my psychiatrist again soon to get started on something pregnancy safe, he’s just been out of town + +3.) Just because you personally have never experienced this feeling, does not mean it’s not a thing. Everyone’s experience with mental illness is different. I am aware that mania is not an excuse to cheat, when not manic I have no desire to seek attention or sex elsewhere + +4.) An open relationship/ ethical non monogamy is a no go for him. He’s (ironically) way too jealous for any of that and has made it very clear he has no interest in such a thing, especially anything involving me being with another person + + +5.) This post was not an invite to say weird creepy shit in my dms",Every time I’m manic I want to cheat on my boyfriend,2 +408,"Does anyone else have a terrible memory? Mine started getting worse with my first manic episode, and it hasn’t stopped. I’m only 21 years old and my memory is noticeably deteriorating. I’m so scared I’m gonna start to forget really important core memories. Pretty often, when someone brings up a past event, or something I did or said, I won’t have any recollection of it. My short term memory is also not always great. I’m worried about it and I don’t know if there’s anything I can even do :/",Memory Problems,2 +409,"I’ve tried a good amount of available meds (lithium, Depakote, olanzapine, Seroquel, Abilify, Rexulti, Latuda…). + +While some of them “work” (ease depression, lessen psychosis, and prevent/lessen mania), they don’t work *for me*. + +The side-effects are too much for me to accept (weight gain, akathisia, and my least favourite, emotional blunting/stifling creativity). + +I’m schizoaffective bipolar subtype and realize I need meds to function, but sometimes it feels like a losing battle to find a combo that works — *for me*. + +I’m on 750mg of lithium and 20mg olanzapine right now (because it “works”). + +Is it about accepting the downsides of meds and just living as stably as possible?",I can’t find a med combo that works *for me*,2 +410,,What I tell myself every day,2 +411,"Has anyone lost weight while on olanzapine? I am steadily just gaining weight and I'm wondering about some pointers on how to stay at a healthy weight. I don't want to keep going up. + +I am pretty stable on my current combination of meds so I don't want to try something else and screw everything up.",Olanzapine and Weight Loss,2 +412,"Do you think it's a good idea to ask friends to hang out or be around you, when you're in an episode -- either depressed or hypomanic? + +I'm currently hypomanic, and it scares me so much. I just don't want to be alone, but I also don't want to subject anyone else to my rambling conversations and agitation. + +Is it better to hibernate at home, and avoid people? Are chill hangouts alright? Is this considered rude or asking too much of other people?",Asking friends for support when hypomanic?,2 +413,,The embodiment of my bipolar:,2 +414,Recently I haven't been able to feel anything. I'm so demotivated I can't do anything. I feel so hopeless recently and a bit frustrated that I am numb. I'm currently on olanzapine and I'm not sure if this is a side effect of this medicine. Any help would be appreciated.,how do you manage anhedonia?,2 +415,"Hey! +I recently found a poem that I wrote two years ago (pre-diagnosis) and, reading it, I was like, “are you kidding? this is SO bipolar- how didn’t I know?” + +I can post the poem in the comments- it’s not very good but I thought it was very validating. Anyone else have any pre-diagnosis “how didn’t I know?” relics/moments? :)",Best “I should’ve known” moments?,2 +416,,The Blueprint (manically taped together like 20 pieces),2 +417,"I feel the root cause of this is paranoia caused by mania, at least in my case. + +I have experienced misinterpreting facial expressions, body language and tone whilst interacting with people, and tend to jump to conclusions, typically negative ones. + +For example, I was waiting in line for ice cream today, and the woman in front of me turned around, looked me up and down and then scoffed at me. + +I don’t know if this interaction actually happened like I perceived it. My initial feeling was this woman was judging me. + +This of course pissed me off, but instead of starting a fight with her, I decided to take a deep breath, left my place in line and walked the opposite direction. + +I decided the ice dream wasn’t worth possibly getting into an altercation with a stranger. + +Anyway, can anyone relate to this?","When manic, do any of you have trouble reading body language, facial expressions or interpreting tone?",2 +418,"Hi there, +This isn't meant to be a testimonial exactly, I'd be happy to have that someday, but for now I want to see if this is relatable to folks here. I've been diagnosed with BPD2 and am a self identifies sex addict (and video games but let's stop that list here:⁠-⁠P) [btw I have joined the SA 12-step program and sought other outlets, which are all well and good, I'm just seeking validation] + + I've been on Lamictal and Wellbutrin for a couple years now and they've been a part of my daily routine through some seriously hard times, some could argue I wouldn't be here today without them as part of my treatment. Another consistent factor is my primary coping mechanism..., since I was like 13 I've had a daily routine, a nightly ritual if you will, of masturbation and more often than not, some form of pornography. + +It dawned on me that I might be dependent on this behavior as it's a function that I literally have a handle of and gives me the otherwise nonexistent sense of predictability/reliability in my neurochemistry. Nothing beats the surge of endorphins to detach from my woes at the end of the day, followed by the subsequent oh-so-sweet fatigue and ability to sleep. + +Now I don't have the capacity to get into the weeds here yet, but it's causing me issues even in a peak state of stability in my life. I want to know if other neurodivergents are experiencing similar sexual habits and their perspective, both on themselves (yourselves) and on the behavior. I'm oversleeping after late nights on screen, struggling to find peace in my love life, and craving the same power & control I feel when I get my porn and orgasm. + +I have had periods of time where I stayed limited: turning of screens before bed, being open with partners about my porn usage. What I notice still is I crave the release, my body demands it or will refuse to sleep. I'm always half a thought away from overspending on sex toys or obsessively looking for ways to have sex. + +I find myself over sexualizing things and ending up at a point of...well guess I'll just masturbate and coast on that feeling. Procrast-urbation is also a like a key figure in my life's behavioral history; I've masturbated and crashed out to fill the time, then woken up the moment (or long after) something was due or I need to be somewhere or do something. + +TL;DR +Where my bipolar sex addicts at? I'm trying to figure out where these two bastards are conspiring so I can fight them separately and stand against them. I wonder who can relate to my experience with pseudo stability dependent on sexual habits.",Bipolar 2 and Sex Addiction (P&M),2 +419,"I’m a 24 year old female, diagnosed in 2012 and I have always had struggles with facing the beast of medications… organizing them and seeing it all in front of me gets so overwhelming… I just don’t. Even picking them up from the pharmacy is a lot to handle sometimes that I wait to pick them up. Or if at all. + +Whether it’s for my ADHD, Bipolar, pain management, rx vitamins.. it’s always an internal struggle. The cognitive dissonance between knowing I’m actively making the decision to not take them and knowing I want to get better is a difficult thing to face. I don’t know how to make it click or how to start. + +I’ve heard this is unfortunately a common occurrence for people with my particular diagnosis. If you have organizational advice or advice on a mentality switch- please advise.",Medication compliance and organization tips?,2 +420,"Anyone else go through periods where they don’t like to be touched by anyone? I’ve never been a fan of contact, it always seems so foreign to me, Never natural. Right now just having any skin to skin contact makes my skin crawl (sorry, couldn’t come up with a better term) I just hung out with a group of friends who I haven’t seen in a while and in the traditional midwestern way there were hugs all around. I hated it. + +I love my wife dearly but there I times when she touches me I feel like a stranger is laying their hands on me. It’s just so icky.",Problems with being touched?,2 +421,It’s not like it’s depicted in popular media. It’s NOT “fun” I don’t have delusions of grandeur. I don’t feel high or like everything’s great I feel like im crawling out of my skin. Anyone else have this or know where I can read more about this type of mania? Im on meds but they’re taking a bit to work take a bit to work (just upped med number two and woohooo we’re getting there and the meds are starting to work) but it’s killing me and I lost a close friend bcs they can’t handle my inability to “take accountability for my actions” “I’m playing the bipolar victim card” according to him bcs I lose focus and talk too much and am all over the place. But I’m trying my best. I see my counselor once or twice a week and my psychiatrist every month even though he’s crazy expensive. I just want to understand this type of mania,"so I’ve accepted my diagnosis. I have bp1. But for me mania is miserable anxious horrific. Nothing fun just anxiety and energy pouring out of ever part of my body, insane talkativeness, flight of ideas, can’t stand being alone. Just need to be doing something.",2 +422,"To start with, I don't know that this is a hugely widespread issue. For the most part I think this is one of the most welcoming communities I've ever been a part of, on so many levels, so I don't want to make it seem like this is an omnipresent problem or anything. But I've seen a couple of comments on the sub in the past few days that stigmatize other illnesses (schizophrenia and personality disorders specifically), and I just felt like I had to say something. + +As a community of people with a profoundly stigmatized illness, we should know better, and we should absolutely not be adding to anybody else's burden with misinfo or stigmatizing language. A lot of us have various comorbidities, and a lot of us have schizoaffective! They deserve this space to be safe and welcoming, too. As someone who lurks on the schizophrenia reddit a lot for help with my psychotic symptoms, and who has only ever felt comforted and respected there, I feel horrified at the idea that our sub might make someone else feel anything less than welcome. + +Again, I don't want to blow anything out of proportion. But let's try to make sure we're being respectful, and not talking about other illnesses the same way people talk about ours.",Discomfort with stigmatizing language toward other illnesses,2 +423,"I won’t say what the medication is, but it is for my anxiety. My anxiety seems to amplify my Bipolar and my psychosis symptoms. Well we learned tonight that my pharmacy has to order my medication and should have it tomorrow. I took my last one tonight (I can’t order ahead of time due to it being a controlled substance). I ordered it today because of that reason, I have to wait until I have two pills left. I am due for it next in the morning before the pharmacy opens. I am scared I am going to withdraw because I been on it for 5 years. Does anyone have any advice to help with withdrawal symptoms if I have them? I am so scared you guys. I have always been scared about being without any of my meds. + +For extra context, I take my medication properly and pass my drug test the facility I get treatment at.",Pharmacy Has To Order My Medication,2 +424,"Hi all. Spent the last year spending heavily into music production for techno and releasing some songs. Got tons of positive feedback. Ears are ringing now and only stop when I don't produce / don't go to shows/raves/gigs. + + +Last week kept me up - destroyed my earphones in a rage. I finally found something I was truly truly passionate about. I poured so much $ into this and planned on getting some gigs going and had leads, and now this. + + +Just depressed today. Stressed about money. Don't want to go down the tubes but feel like there's no ground beneath my feet - AND my damn ears are ringing! + + +Anyone else deal with tinnitus? I don't think it's a very good combo with bipolar. It is making me very unhinged.",Music Production + Tinnitus + Techno + Financial Nosedive,2 +425,Best antidepressant that eases social anxiety but doesn’t send you into a mixed episode? I should add that I am on Rexulti to help combat the side effects of any antidepressants. Cheers!,Med question,2 +426,"I find in the repetitive aspects work, I have intrusive thoughts that make my face scrunch up. I also have issues writing down dates on things and freeze or write the wrong thing and correct half way through being disabled by brain issues is weird, any one have similar issues, or point me in any direction so I know what to look up. Will be going to the doctor, I just kind of want to get my questions nailed down for efficacy. + +Yay for being disabled where even three and half hours 5 days can make issues arise.",Work and intrusive thoughts,2 +427,"I changed everything, EVERYTHING. EVERY FUCKING DETAIL OF LIFE I CHANGED. I've been to 4 different schools in the past 2 years. I've changed myself, tried to work on who I was, made myself more likable, went to the gym, and started taking care of myself. I've been to 9 different doctors, for different opinions. 7 therapists just to find one I was comfortable with. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FUCKING MEDICATION. I've tried Zoloft, Abilify, Lamictal, Zyprexa, Lexapro, Strattera, Prozac, Seroquel, Risperdal, Xanax, Klonopin, and Ativan. Not to even mention the ""natural"" supplements I tried out of pure desperation. IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK. + +The only combination that ""worked"" for me was the olanzapine/fluoxetine combo with Lamictal as a mood stabilizer. That combination bought me a month of euthymia, A FUCKING MONTH before it started to go to shit again. My mood started to decline for NO FUCKING REASON. My life was going perfectly, BUT FOR SOME FUCKING REASON MY MOOD STARTED TO DECLINE. I decided to go off Lamictal because of the brain fog, and because it wasn't helping at that point. Eventually, I went off of olanzapine because of the fatigue. Replaced it with quetiapine but that didn't do shit. Got hospitalized because my depression was getting out of control, I went out with hope for the first time. I got discharged on January 28th, wasn't really doing well but I was hopeful, by February 8th all that hope AND MORE was crushed. Attempted suicide, and spent another 3 days at the hospital but refused to get admitted to the ward again because they were completely fucking useless. Couple of weeks later had a mixed episode because quetiapine wasn't working for me like olanzapine was. My life was completely beyond repair after the episode, completely over. Just completely over, no way it was ever getting better after that. Went back to olanzapine and here I am. + +As I said, my life is over. This illness has defeated me. It's been a month and it hasn't gotten any bit better. My mood chart looks like a flat line, I haven't had a single mood that wasn't awful in the past month and a half. No one cares, people don't care that they've hurt me. Everyone has moved on, but I'm here. I don't know why I'm here, like I said, it's over. I cry myself to sleep whenever I can. I avoid almost everyone except for a few close friends who don't even know what I'm going through. I don't want to tell them because it just ruins everything. I believe all people are inherently assholes, its in our nature to be selfish. I deserve to suffer like this, not because Im me but just because im human. Every human deserves this and more. + +Even if I were to get better, I would still be awful. My doctors and I have practically given up on trying to treat my anxiety because I don't respond well to the medication(obviously SSRIs induce mania). It's over. It's over. It's over. It's fucking over",It doesn't get better,2 +428,"My appointment isn't until April but I'm debating contacting my doctor. I just realized this morning that both last night and this morning it's been hard to take my medication because I believe I'll have a bad reaction, or I've already taken them and I'll 'overdose'. Thankfully we just cut down my dose so I still feel ok taking them even with the concern I already have (I have not). + +I guess I'm just debating if I should wait until my appointment in mid-April or call. I've been hassling her because starting the new meds caused some nasty side effects initially but seems to have gone away. I seem okay overall, asides from this.",Paranoia coming back after switching medications,2 +429,"I hate when people tell me what I just need to do to get better. They act like if I just do something simple (exercise more, cut out sugar, take whatever vitamins, etc.) my life would be so much easier and I wouldn’t struggle so much. They act like I’m stupid because I can’t function like a “normal” person and doing something simple is the answer. It is very frustrating. + +What do people tell you that you hate?",What do you hate being told the most?,2 +430,I guess it's pretty common with bipolar disorder cause my buddy has the same problem. And when I experience hypomania my hands are shaking too bad especially. But is there any way out? Been kinda tired of this recently :(,Constant tremor,2 +431,"One of my biggest struggles with bipolar is a constant feeling of boredom and dissatisfaction in my life. For as long as I can remember, if I'm not doing exactly what I know will make me happy (often I have 0 idea what this even is) I get this feeling in my stomach and chest that makes me feel hot, anxious, uncomfortable, and general just bad. +Sometimes I wake up from a shitty sleep, my coffee tastes like garbage, my pets are driving me nuts, I don't have anything to eat, it's cold, EVERYTHING just feels like it's wrong and sometimes this lasts for days. I struggle to keep hobbies but recognize that I can't just spend money whenever I want though it makes me feel better. Recently, I am very agitated as well. When I'm dealing with this boredom it makes me mean and snappy. I live with my partner and I love him and our life so much but some days just being in the same room as other people causes the burning in my chest and stomach. Maybe these are depressive episodes, but until now my lows weren't like this. + +What is everyone doing to combat such boredom and emptiness? I feel like I'm running out of ideas and options.",Dissatisfaction is Eating Me Alive,2 +432,"Does anyone ever feel like their hypomania or mania isn’t that bad, when in reality it is? I’m always questioning my diagnosis because I feel like my mania isn’t even half as bad as some things I read. Or not even close to what is portrayed on tv shows or movies. Recently it’s been getting worse, as I’ve had strong urges to do really risky stuff. For example, I had such an urge to climb up the stairs and stand and lean over the railing where a kid jumped off. And I was gonna do it to get rid of the feeling, but then I was scared that I would continue to lean and lean until I got the urge to jump off. Same thing happened when I crossed a bridge except I did end up leaning into it. But before this episode, my mania was only feeling really confident, or believing I had superpowers, or paranoia that everyone was looking at me, and my irritation was really bad. Like I was screaming at my computer today. Just wanna know if anyone also thinks their not bipolar because their mania isn’t even half as bad as they read some peoples experiences",Hypomania/mania doubt,2 +433,"I’m 35 and I just recently attempted suicide and was admitted to a behavioral health hospital for 4 days. They got me stabilized and took me off my antidepressant because it causes mania and put me on Depakote to stabilize my moods. I got home and my husband only told me I’ve ruined his life, my life, and our daughter’s life. She’s 10 and it’s clear she also has bipolar disorder. It runs in my family. My grandma had it and tried to end her life around my age too. My mother the same thing. Now me. I know this is my daughters future. My husband says I’m not ever going to get better because I just don’t get it. I do get it but I can’t help it. Now my job is making me go on medical leave while I am going through outpatient and I don’t know how I’m going to afford to live. I’m supposed to resume college classes tomorrow and I have to get a B or higher or I’ll lose my financial aid. Meanwhile my husband says he can’t parent with me and that he hates me. I CAN’T DO THIS! I’ve suffered through 35 years of this misery. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. None of my family will help me and they all live scattered across the country and none of them are near me except my sister but she hates me. I have no friends because I isolate myself in depressive states so they’ve all moved on. I don’t blame them. I’m a mess. Like how is any of this going to get better if my brain is broken?",I can’t do this anymore,2 +434,music used to be my outlet i loved it so much i used to show off how i could remember a whole rap after just listening to it once but since i’ve been meditated my love for it is gone and i can’t remember shit even my favorite songs i get wrong i really don’t understand. anyone else??,medication and music,2 +435,"So this is just a rant so sorry for taking up space in the feed when other's have more serious things going on. But anyway. I have been in a very low place lately, I was doing great for a while, was relatively stable, the closest I have been to ""normal"" in a long time. However I had a pretty bad episode a couple of weeks ago and hurt myself and did some stupid stuff. Anyway, now I am waiting to be admitted into a PHP but there is a 4 week waiting list so I am just kinda floating by as I wait. I am a stay at home Dad (I am on disability), and I feel so awful because I just kinda sit here while my 1 and a half year old runs around and I put on Ms. Rachel (if you are a parent you may know who that is) and just let him do his own thing. I love my son with every ounce of my being, he is my whole world. He and my wife keep me going, keep me alive. But I just feel like I am so inadequate as a dad. I barely have the motivation or energy to fully interact with him and be the father I really want to be. Don't get me wrong I don't neglect him, I make sure he's healthy and safe, I keep my eyes on him and when he acknowledges me I give him hugs and snuggles and kisses and he just fills my heart with joy. But I feel like I could be doing so much more to better his life, I should be sitting with him and teaching him how to speak, teaching him right from wrong, but instead I sit here on my computer listening to music and watch him run around and play with his toys because its the only thing that keeps me level and the only thing I have the mental capacity to do to get through the day before my wife gets home from work. I have no regrets being a parent even with this disorder, I just hate myself for not being more involved in his development. I know he loves me, he always runs up to me saying Dada Dada and smiles and laughs and is such a happy little dude, I just hope this program I am going to be doing will help me figure out how to regulate my emotions better so I can be more interactive and give him the best childhood he can possibly have. I want to build forts with him and run around outside and use our imaginations and go on pretend adventures. I just wish I could have the mental power to do these things and feel like a better father. And with my wife I feel like I am always dragging drama into her life. She constantly has to worry about me, hide all the knives in the house, she has to remind me how to be a human, make me shower, remind me to eat, remind me to take my meds, remind me to do things around the house etc. she is incredible and such a trooper and my savior but she deserves so much better. It's weighing heavily on me and I just feel like I am failing as a father and a husband. Anyway that is my rant thank you for listening.",Feel like a bad Dad and Husband,2 +436,"It’s almost like when I’m extremely paranoid, or going through a hypomanic episode and being reckless, impulsive, agitated, sometimes it feels like a part of me is aware. Kinda like I’m behind a glass wall, Like a small part of me is saying: + +“no don’t post something like that.” “Don’t say something like that” +“This paranoia is not based in reality, you’re not in immediate danger.” +“You shouldn’t do this.” + +It makes me feel like I’m faking my bipolar, or maybe I have something else?? Someone please tell me if you feel similarly to this, or if maybe I don’t actually have bipolar and I’m just a paranoid, irritated, reckless person sometimes. + +I definitely have hypersexual episodes too, and times where I don’t need to sleep much, but I think that could just be high libido and insomnia?","I was recently diagnosed with bipolar, is this a symptom you experience?",2 +437,"Hey guys quick spill just so you get the jist of things ,I’m 19 and ever since I can remember my parents have been narcissists I haven’t always realized this but as I got into my teens I became educated on the subject and I had to accept the reality of things because I was a scapegoat for 1 and 2 its tearing me apart in ways I prayed it would never , but they are technically my aunt and uncle but they adopted 12 kids all the kids are grown up and out of the house now except me im the youngest of the bunch they got my when I was 8 months old cs my real mother was fighting her own demons , my uncle is my real moms brother I quickly learned him and my real mom didn’t really like each other growing up , i don’t know exactly why but they don’t they both have issues but anytime they go around each other they fight but my point is now the house is dysfunctional as heck my aunt that I once saw as literally one of the most genuine beautiful spirited person I’d ever know and it stayed that way until I was about 15 her being around my narcissistic uncle her husband has taken a toll on her and on top of that I know she knew what she was doing she was too good at what she did the charm , but now my uncle is about 57 and my aunt is 64 they took custody of their 3 grandkids one has sensory disorder he is a boy and 11 now another is a now 9 year old girl and a now 17 year old boy the 17 year old is a rascal he has suffered a lot and he doesn’t really grasp life right now which is understandable so he helps them treat me like shit the kids I don’t blame because I know they don’t know any better to treat me like shit because it’s what they see and hear all day and their grandparents are narcissistic people which their delicate minds can fully understand just yet but don’t get it twisted they know when something’s not right they just don’t have the confidence or courage to speak up because they think it’s how life is unless they are getting tourtured physically and can show the abuse and you can see the wounds and maker sure they heal but what about the inner wounds that don’t heal as quickly I can tell you I lived thru being their kid for 17 years cause as soon as I turned 18 and I didn’t act or do what they want me to I was no good to them and I know it didn’t just magically start when I was 18 but this leads me to my point do you believe having a narcissist parent or guardian should be considered abuse or neglectful in a form ?! I do but please share with me I know we need hard moments in life to build character but that shouldn’t be traumatizing and abusive moments that last for years until you “escape” !!!",NARC PARENTS & CHILD ABUSE,2 +438,"I’m meeting with my doctor tomorrow and I’m thinking about asking for new medication to add on. + +I’m not sure what to say, though. +I’ve been diagnosed with BP2 for 11 years. I was on medicine for a few years and then I unmedicated for a few years. + +My mental health got worse after getting diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. + +I’m currently on Lamictal. It’s definitely helped. My issue is that I don’t know how to describe how I feel. I’m better than I was 6 months ago. I feel okay. But that’s just it. Just okay. Some days are better than others, but I’m alright. I feel like I need something else. But I wonder if just being okay is all I’m ever gonna get because I’m bipolar? Will I ever feel true happiness? Like… I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy, but I don’t know if this is was happiness is? I feel very nonchalant. I’m sure this has something to do with MS, too. + +What would you say?",Do people with bipolar ever feel better than just ok?,2 +439,"I'm not very smart and I figured you guys would know. I live in the US and I recently moved to a new state (6 months ago),, never got in contact with a new doctor. I can call around tomorrow but I assume it'll take me a long time to get in anywhere. I only have two doses of my seroquel left. My old one from the other state made it clear last time that he would not refill it again. I'm fucking stupid and this is all my own fault. + + Do I have any options except go off everything and just cope with it until an appointment? I looked it up and urgent care clinics can't help me with this apparently.",About to be out of meds,2 +440,"I never wanted to be a mother nor had planned on having kids. I raised two of my sister kids when they were teenagers and until they left home. My sister whom is also bipolar got pregnant again and I ended up adopting my son. + +He is now 5 and an amazing kid who has adhd but what kid doesn’t nowadays? He is so happy and a beautiful soul but I’m a terrible mother. I am currently depressed and going through a mixed episode and know for a fact I’m affecting him with my low mood. He asked me today are you mad at me mommy? It broke my heart because I know he knows something is wrong. + +Unfortunately my husband is deployed and he isn’t here to help me. My parents and siblings are no help. I just have to push through this but deep down inside I regret adopting him because he would’ve been better off with someone else. + +I feel like I’m living this big lie and I just want to disappear inside myself and die. I feel like a terrible burden and it kills me that I brought him in my life and my bipolar is effecting him.",Struggling,2 +441,"Hello! I’m 19y/o F and was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality and Bipolar 1. I am getting started on my medication journey. + +I am curious how taking medication effects bipolar, for people who do take medications that work currently: what does the medication “working” look like? Does it make mania and the depression episodes completely disappear? Or just more manageable? Is feeling neutral/nothing a “good” thing? + +For people who’ve taken medication in the past and are unsure if they feel better or are unmedicated in general: How has medication effected you in the past? And where are you at now? + +Thanks!",Do meds make all the symptoms go away? What should I expect?,2 +442,I’m 18 and recently I was diagnosed with herpes and I think last night was the first time in a while I wanted to hurt myself…it took everything in me. The man I love told me he was contemplating being with me because I have it and he wants something long term.. so do I and it’s like I’m already psychotic now I have a virus forever? I don’t want to live like this I already take a fuck ton of medication. It just seems like this isn’t gonna get better it never does.,Lord forgive me,2 +443,"Had a urgent referral to the MH team uk from GP. Mental health workers (at GP and MH team) said strongly suspected BP2. My referral to the diagnostic team was turned down due to alcoholism presumably as the symptoms could overlap? +Have been put on a waiting list for DBT and need to keep a mood diary for 3 weeks- not sure if this is normal ? I am seeking help to quit drinking, sometimes I feel I have no control over using it to self medicate. Please be kind.",Won't be seen for an assessment until sober,2 +444,"I like what I do, I used to work in a good environment (before they found out I am bipolar). Also, nothing extra stressful is happening in my life. + +But for some reason (may be because I have to sit in front of monitor this whole time) I feel I am gradually collecting stress and then getting into phases. + +Right now I am on a long sick leave and I feel such an improvement just doing house work. In the last two months I didn’t get a single episode! (They were happening at least once a month with different duration) + +I am 30 and it feels too late to change my speciality. Plus I don’t speak language of the country I am living - that closes a lot of other job opportunities for me. + +I would gladly be just a housewife, but with current inflation it is impossible for a family to live on one salary only, plus I have to support my mother. Also, in my profession nobody wants a part-time worker. + +Any advices or just thoughts?",I feel I am not capable of working full time even with the perfect conditions,2 +445,"Are any of y'all avid meditators / insightful individuals? And have any of y'all ever meditated during either a manic, hypomanic, depressed, or mixed episode and came to any realizations or epiphanies about your disorder? I'm curious if anyone has any deep and/or unique ideas, perceptions, or wisdom about bipolar disorder and/or mental illness in general.",Meditation during an episode,2 +446,"I was diagnosed with bipolar by my therapist several months before I had a ""true"" manic episode that got me hospitalized. I didn't believe my diagnosis the first time around because everything I read about mania said that you don't feel need to sleep and that you don't feel tired. All the textbooks and articles say that you can get little sleep but operate on ""full steam."" No matter how extreme my manic episodes were, I was always absolutely exhausted, and I would need to sleep, I just couldn't sleep. Do you find this to be true for yourself at all, or do you resonate with the textbook description?","Do you find the ""decreased NEED for sleep"" part of the diagnosis for mania to be correct?",2 +447,"I’m not looking for a diagnosis but more just to see if others have experienced this and to feel less alone. I’ve recently gotten my diagnosis and the psychiatrist believed that the last hypomanic episode seemed like it was bordering mania and I’ve yet to disclose some of the following to her yet out of fear. + +When I was depressed about 19/20 years old I experienced some odd things that I brushed off for years believing I was “just depressed” and it was normal for depression. I felt consumed by this dark cloud entity in which I believed was the soul of Hitler haunting me. I believed he was going to possess me and take over or that he saw the same darkness within me and wanted to rule through me. I also heard my name once when no one was around and dark male voice rambling words I could not decipher. He was speaking but I couldn’t understand words only the noise of the voice. + +Then in 2021/2022 I experienced an episode that now we think was mania and not hypomania. I’d had a spiritual awakening and believed I had ascended to a new dimension, I would preach spirituality whilst simultaneously gatekeeping what I thought was the ultimate knowledge. I would try to link everything philosophically. I’d felt I tapped into the powers of my ancestors and was magical and was better than everyone else. I was seeing shadow people, feeling entities again, experiencing paranormal activity. I believed in so many wild theories about the universe and that I was getting messages through animals, angel numbers etc. of course the mania continued with thousands of dollars spent on rocks, completely changing my house decor, wardrobe etc to match. Using divination, tarot, witchcraft etc. + +The 2021/2022 time confuses me because spirituality became a trend and more widely accepted but my experiences still feel really “off”. Either way in hindsight both times feel incredibly abnormal and now I’m concerned that they aren’t even average depression or mania symptoms. Please has anyone else experienced similar??",Possible psychosis,2 +448,"she isn't even really a normie, but she's close enough. + today after I shared details of my episode the advice given was *balance*. 😱 +no way. +you mean the thing I think about and obsess over allllll the time? the thing I guilt myself over and die over. 🤯 +I feel so invalidated, and I want to push this person as far away as possible.",casual insults from normals,2 +449,"I have bipolar NOS and ADHD. I'm suffering from extremely bad joint pain as well as other more minor symptoms- blood in my urine, hair loss, canker sores, cold urticaria, raynauds. Doc has diagnosed me with fibromyalgia so far. + +I'm wanting to hear other people's experiences with bipolar and autoimmune/fibro. What were you diagnosed with? What was the diagnostic process like? How are you managing now? Thanks!",Does anyone have an autoimmune illness or fibromyalgia?,2 +450,,I managed to keep a plant alive for long enough that I had to repot her! Another small thing that keeps me going day-to-day (her name’s Prudence),2 +451,"I had my monthly psych appointment a few hours ago and this came just as my depression got progressively worse the past few days. I had been ruminating about this for a while, because I was freaking myself out reading about meds on the internet, and I asked him what cocktail I was on way back when I started seeing him a year and a half ago after I got discharged from the hospital. He read the list to me and I immediately started crying. It was so much. It all came back to me and I remembered how miserable it made me. 15mg olanzapine, 1200mg lithium, forgot how much effexor, along with anafranil. I was in such a terrible place for a year constantly trying to work around those meds and getting unstable anytime I tried to get off of one. I couldn't feel pleasure, I was tired all the time, lost interest in all my hobbies and in life, felt stupid and dumb and numb, lost my libido, was emotionally flatlined (my fucking grandfather died while I was on these and I felt nothing) and I felt so hopeless. I had to get a job because I took a year away from school and I sucked at it so hard because of my lethargy and my tremors. + +A year and a half later, my cocktail is completely different and manageable: 250mg Lamictal, 50mg Prozac, 2.5mg olanzapine (tapering), and thinking of adding wellbutrin. but I broke down because of the regret and the time wasted and the amount of depression and numbness and pain I had to go through. Weren't the meds supposed to make me feel better? I remember initially the previous doctor from the outpatient suggested maybe lowering the dose or switching to a different AP, but I declined and I regret that so much. I regret that I never got to give Lamictal a shot initially before I was hospitalized because I tried it for a few days and my mom thought I was getting a bad reaction. I regret that I ever took stimulants or smoked or that this pandemic ever happened or that I made the stupid mistake that led to the trauma which all collectively resulted in my episode. + +I want to move forward, but I still feel like I'll never get back who I was all those years ago. My psych said that the brain is constantly changing and growing and healing. But I want my old brain back, I don't care about it growing, I want to feel what I used to feel. I broke down right after the session ended really hard and my dad talked me through it. I feel bad for what I've put my parents through the past two years. I've had to take a second leave of absence from school and I'm not sure if I'm in a position to go back again. Feel like I've ruined my life and I can't move forward, no matter how good the new meds are and how well I do in treatment, my mind will never forget that medication cocktail and those doses and how it wrecked me.",I broke down during my psych appointment today. So much regret.,2 +452,"I just went through a horrible binge eating phase from December till now in which I gained 30lbs. I imagine that's a lot of water weight but it's still a significant amount. I was eating fast food 2 or 3 times a day and a thing of ben and Jerry's almost every night. + + Now I'm falling into a phase where I can barely eat and eating just makes my stomach hurt. Each phase will usually last a couple months and my weight just swings wildly. I feel sick during this phase and during the binge eating phase I just never feel satisfied. + +My mood definitely changes with it. I feel kinda low right now but that might just be because I feel sick. During the binge eating phases I wouldn't say my mood is elevated but I do feel better. + +I've gone to doctors and there's nothing wrong with my gut that they can find. I just hate how I can't live a consistent life style.",My appetite is probably more bipolar than I am,2 +453,"Hello guys I’m 26f and lately been put on seroquel 300mg and tedema due to being in a depressive episode (the worst of my entire life) I’m bipolar type 2 but my hypomanic episodes don’t compare to the depressive ones, as they are minor in comparasion. +Being on seroquel for the last few months I feel like I got really ""lazy"" I just move between my bed and coach and rarely leave the house. I really need help in that area. +My libido is non existant, I feel like that area of my life is lost or something, and it bothers me as well. +I sleep a solid 12h a day if not more, it’s also bugging me because I’m never awake before midday and I feel like life is passing me by. +The weight gain is another issue needless to say. +So these are the things that I need help with, I wish I could drop seroquel altogether but my psychiatrist says that it’s currently the best treatment for me. Any input is welcomed, thank you.","Some Seroquel struggles I’m going through, please help ?",2 +454,"TL;DR: I'm in a much better place and decided to make it a day of celebration instead of a sad anniversary. + +Here's a lengthy post I wrote on my socials in regard to my attempt up to now and other sentiments. + + +Today is the one-year anniversary of my last suicide attempt. + +It was traumatic enough the first time but nothing compared to the second time. I had a quicker and easier recovery after the first attempt, but I was completely broken on this day last year. But I’m happy to report that since that day I am (mostly) whole again. I say mostly because there are still things I’m working on and I still deal with symptoms of PTSD from it and there are things I’m still heartbroken about, but I’m still here and continuing to improve. + +I’ve made a lot of strides and changes since then. One of the biggest and most important changes I made was choosing to leave my psychiatrist and therapist, both of whom I had been seeing for 10 years. It wasn’t an easy decision, and in some ways, it was just as frightening as the state of mind I had been in. Up to that point, they were the only mental health professionals I had ever worked with aside from one counselor I briefly saw at the college I attended. It was hard enough to find doctors I was comfortable with the first time and to find someone else after 10 years felt like leaving a part of myself behind. Obviously, their treatment wasn’t working for me any longer and in fact, was only worsening the condition I was in so the change was imperative. + +It is easily one of the best decisions I have ever made and I would make that decision again a trillion times over. The psychiatrist and therapists I have now are phenomenal, I couldn’t be happier to have them, and I am eternally grateful to have them. All three of them were recommended to me by the wonderful therapist I had during my IOP, who I am also eternally grateful to have had. If you feel your doctors aren’t helping don’t wait to find ones that will. + +When I posted about my hospitalization and IOP last year I mentioned how my fellow patients and group members were just as instrumental in my recovery as my mental health care professionals and my family/friends, and that is still true now. I have been in a DBT group since last June and each group member (past and present) has helped me heal as much as anyone, whether they’re aware of it or not (of course I try to tell them that). By the way, DBT is awesome and there are so many aspects of it that everyone could benefit from, mentally ill or not. + +Over the past year, I’ve strengthened parts of me that needed work. I changed things and reframed ways of thinking that were detrimental. I discovered new parts of myself. I broke down the walls I had built. I strengthened the parts of me that needed work. I’ve established boundaries and have stuck to them. I’ve opened up more. I now allow myself to feel my emotions instead of fighting them or bottling them up. I have stopped putting myself last. Most importantly, I have found myself again. + +Of course, I didn’t do any of this alone. I’ve been lucky enough to have a ton of support. I have great bosses and a work family that supported me from when my struggles started, when I was going through recovery, my time away from work, who welcomed me back with open arms when I returned to work, and who still support me daily. I already mentioned the support from my fellow patients and group members who I will never forget. The health professionals both when I was inpatient and during my IOP. My amazing therapists and psychiatrist. My friends who I’d die for whether I see them frequently or not. I’ve been blessed with wonderful family members, wonderful in-laws, my brothers who I love, amazing parents, and of course an angel of a wife. I owe them everything, and I owe them everything. I also owe myself for allowing them to help me and for working my ass off to heal and improve. + +If you’re still here after the struggles you’ve endured, you owe yourself too. + +Instead of letting this be a sad anniversary I’ve decided to look at it positively and celebrate it. I will celebrate the small wins as much as the big wins. I will celebrate the positive changes and progress I’ve made. Instead of mourning what I left behind and who I was, I will celebrate what I’ve gained and who I’ve become. Instead of mourning the past, I will celebrate the present and the future. Most importantly I will celebrate that I am still here. + +If you’re struggling, don't struggle alone. You are not alone and you will be surprised how many people want to help you. Keep fighting and be proud of yourself for still being here today. I’m happy you’re still here.",Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of my last suicide attempt.,2 +455," + +I have read quite a few posts that talked about how their doctor told them that they might be admitted as involuntary if they didn't go in voluntarily. But didn't they just change it to Involuntary once you were at the hospital? Whenever I have gone to the ER willingly, the moment the ER doctor interviews me I immediately get formed. Even when I was willing to stay voluntarily, I was always admitted as an involuntary patient. +Has this been the case for anyone else? If not, how did you convince them to admit you voluntarily?",Voluntary or Involuntary Admission?,2 +456,"so all my life (I'm 30), sometimes when I haven't eaten and my blood sugar is low, I get really weak and shaky/tremors. eating a snack generally fixes it pretty quickly + +but _sometimes_, it happens even when I've just eaten, when I'm full or otherwise have no appetite, and its hard to make it go away. eating doesn't help, even when I eat the same things that I normally do for it. I've always been confused by this. + +but it turns out, that the psychomotor agitation from hypomania can cause _the exact fucking same symptoms_. hashtag thanks-I-hate-it. I really prefer it when it just makes me fidget a lot or pace, ugh + +which is incredibly confusing, but makes so much more sense in hindsight. aaaaaaaa + +—a very jittery girl",that moment when it was bipolar the whole time,2 +457,"hi guys. i’ll keep it short. basically, my PhD program made me feel like i’m getting whittled down over the past 8 months and i finally snapped today. like the title says, i’ve become increasingly symptomatic and can hardly leave the house or stop crying. i’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1, anxiety, and PTSD. i’m wondering if anyone here has also gone to grad school and can give me some tips on how to handle it? + +i love the subject material but i have had net negative experiences both in the school environment and the state i moved to for the program. i’m not sure if it is program specific or if this is just all grad school programs.",PhD program and worsening symptoms,2 +458,"Does anyone else struggle with this? It's like you know that your being irrational and there is nothing that you can do about it no matter how hard you try. + +So last night in the middle of my manic episode, I just had this moment apologizing to my partner for keeping him up with my crying. I didn't sleep at all and I just was angry about that. I'm really good at masking most of the time. I have to be, as I work in retail. But then I come home and sometimes I absolutely unravel. + +The part about this is that my logical bits of my brain know better. I know that all the terrible things my brain tells me during my episodes is not true. I know that I can do better. It's as if I'm paralyzed and there's a disconnect between all the parts of my brain. It's fucking horrible and exhausting! + +I am medicated, I am really bad at remembering to take my medications so do you have any tips to help this? I also have a slew of other alphabet soup stuff going on with me. + +I just needed to vent and could use some advice. I'm newly diagnosed with bipolar (within the past 12 months). Any advice is greatly appreciated!",Being self aware and mentally ill is fucking exhausting.,2 +459,"hey! so i regularly struggle with dating, which often tips me into a manic episode. and when im in a manic episode, i get hypersexual. and when i get hypersexual, all my dates turn into one night stands. in my experience (and its a lot) one night stands never lead to a real relationship. so going into dating this time, i really wanted to break that habit and do nothing sexual on the first date, but i was unsure if i could stick to that because my manic hypersexuality is STRONG. + +i swiped right on the most attractive man ive ever matched with on a dating app, totally out of my league. we talked for a few days, and then met and had an amazing date. we had ice cream, went to a book store, and art museum. im trying to figure out the line between manic and adventurous, but it felt nice and not dangerous. + +anyway, before the date i sent a friendly but firm text that i didnt want to do anything physical, not even kiss. he said he would respect that, and he did. at the end i even tried, i said i wanted to kiss him when we parted. he said he wanted to kiss me too but we should wait for the right time. + +I DONT WANT TO MESS THIS UP !! any tips? when do i tell him im bipolar and how much do i tell him? i want to lock this man DOWN. + +any advice appreciated!",people who found a life partner - what did you do to not mess it up in the beginning?,2 +460,"I'm at the lowest point in my life. I went manic last fall, and I lost everything: my job, my savings, my possessions, and my relationship with my daughter has been sent back immensely. I haven't even been seeing her lately. I haven't been seeing anyone lately. The days are flying by, and Im trapped with the idea that I have no purpose. I can't get over the mistakes I've made and the resentments that I have. I'm paralyzed with fear. My social anxiety prevents me from getting outside help, and this fear of judgment has made finding a job horrible. And not finding a job is still further judgment. + +I had a career, and tonight in a half hour I'm doing an odd job driving a van of workers to a casino 2 hours away. I'm not above doing this work, but I want it to be by my own choice. Not for being the only place that will give me work. + +I've been finding myself blurting out ""I'm gonna kill myself"" involuntarily. I have to catch myself from saying it because it's becoming a habit. + +For what it's worth, there's a song that gave me an image what I live with, with bipolar. Sparks by Beach House. ""And then it's dark again."". Last fall was the spark. Why can't I have a steady light?",Isolating and escaping.,2 +461,"TW: SH, drug abuse, suicide attempts, prostetution +I just need to vent this, if any of the content is against any rules i will delete it +English isnt my first language so im sorry for bad grammar + +Ive been struggeling all my live and i cant remember being truly happy. At 8 years old I started to SH, at 9 I first wanted to die. At 11 years old I had my first attempt and my live has been spiraling down ever since. I am now a 16 year old alcoholic and drug addict (kind of) who spent their last year in prostitution for alcohol. My Therapist now recommended that I should get tested for bipolar, cause im showing many signs of it. over a year I waited to get into the process of diagnosing and i can finally start the process. But Im scared, i dont wanna get smth diagnosed that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Im just tired of it all. I wanna get diagnosed so I can get better and stop burdening all my friends and my boyfriend with my problems, but at the same time i dont wanna be diagnosed. I cant really explain it. I wanna get better but at the same time I dont wanna? I wanna get better so I can really live my life and not destroy my body and life at any given minute. I wanna get better so my friends can stop worrying about me. I wanna get better so my mom doesnt need to cry herself to sleep every night because of me. I wanna get better for my boyfriend, cause already after only a month of relationship i feel like im just making his mental health worse cause he spends all his energy worrying about me. But I also dont wanna get better. I want that my mom cries herself to sleep so that she feels what she did to me all those years. I want my friends and boyfriend to worry about me (if that makes sense?). But I mostly dont wanna get better cause im scared. Im scared of becoming stable and really feeling how much happiness of my childhood I missed, how much of my live I threw away. Im scared to know how truly being happy feels like. What do i do? How do i get myself to stop being scared? How do I deal with getting better and realising I threw away my life and that Ill have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life? + +I just needed to get this off my chest and I have no one I can safely talk to about this + +any advice would be helpful, I just dont know what to do anymore.",I dont know what to do anymore,2 +462,"When I was diagnosed as bipolar, I had already had my suspicions. I had read a book and articles on bipolar disorder, and I realized it kinda fit my behavior. Then I went to a psychiatrist and they confirmed and diagnosed me. Now I'm prescribed an antipsychotic, but I'm a little nervous to take it because what if I don't have bipolar, and I'm behaving like I am to prove that I am bipolar when in actuality I'm not bipolar? (if that made any sense to anyone). My biggest fear is that I don't have it, and I'm taking this god aweful, scary antipsychotic that has so many possible side effects, and it'll end up hurting me in the end because I don't actually have bipolar. Now in actuality, I know I am. I just find myself questioning it. Does anyone else?",Does Anyone Ever Question Their Diagnosis,2 +463,"I am so tired of having to deal with withdrawal symptoms every 6 months because of meds checks. + +I've been on meds for 20+ years. I have been taking my current meds for over 10 and the same dose for 4 years. Yet, every six months I have to play this ridiculous game of cat and mouse to make sure I don't run out. My GP understands this, but his office staff is a revolving door of annoying. + +I can't speak for all meds, but I start experiencing withdrawal from Effoxor in about 6 hours after a missed dose. Lamotragine is not as severe, but I know by 10am if I forgot to take it the night before. + +I am currently stuck in the Dr office/pharmacy circle of hell waiting for meds while I am dizzy, nauseous and brain dead.",Maintenance meds refills,2 +464,"I am 37F. I have had two severe psychotic manic episodes in the last two years. Both times, I was on Zoloft. + +For the first one in summer 2021, the pharmacy messed up my Zoloft dose and I was taking 1.5 times as much as I should’ve been. It was a euphoric mania, and it occurred during a period of extreme stress from a divorce as well. I also started taking a 5-htp supplement around the time of my episode. I was hospitalized. I was also on lamotrigine at the time. + +I gained a ton of weight from both the antipsychotics and lithium. I went off antipsychotic first, seroquel, that caused me to gain around a pound every single day. Lithium I stayed on longer but I gained around 5 pounds a month. + +I then fell into a severe depression. Like unbelievably severe. I thought I had had severe depressive episodes before, but I was wrong. I was not functional and planning my suicide. My psychiatrist initially refused to prescribe an SSRI, or put me on vyvanse, what I used to take for adhd and also helped with depression. I eventually talked him into it, I can’t remember exactly how. I was also on lamotragine I think I would’ve died if I had not been out on Zoloft at that time. But it was a lower dose. + +Fast forward, during a time of work stress maybe 6 months later, I slipped into a more agitated mania. I was also on lamotrigine. I was again hospitalized, stopped taking Zoloft and vyvanse, and went on Zyprexa and lithium. + +Weight gain with Zyprexa was still significant but leveled out relatively quickly, and lithium doesn’t seem to be an issue this time. + +After writing a book, I guess my main question is- does anybody here only go manic on SSRIs? In the past the one other time I was on one it caused rapid mood cycling, and so did Zoloft until I was on lamotrigine. I’ve been labeled as bipolar I, which I initially talked him out of and he changed it to not otherwise specified, until I had my second one. I’ve been told the average age for first mania for a woman is 31, and I was 35. But I don’t think it was a coincidence they were both on Zoloft. I am pretty convinced I won’t go manic without Zoloft or another SSRI. But I can’t afford to take the risk. Which means I’m stuck on meds I may not need for basically forever. Has anyone had a similar experience?",Manic only when on SSRIs,2 +465,,I have an incredibly difficult time with food and anything that has to do with food and chewing and swallowing and paying for it and just everything with food. I let a friend take me out to eat yesterday and we had ramen and it was amazing and I finished everything. The little eggs made me smile too,2 +466,"Im scared if its genetic, if Im a bad person. If even asking this question makes me a bad person, like if I search for validation how good of a person Im, how good persons dont ask those questions. + +Everytime I do something good when I tell someone I feel like a bad person because, did I tell it because Im a good Person or did I tell it because I search for validation? + +Im a person whı loves to share. Thats how my character works. Especially to people I like + +I really believe the trauma which my mother caused me lead to my bipolar disorder. + +I don't want to be a bad Person or god forbid hurt anyone (Im an atheist but this fits). How do I know if Im like her? If so how can I be a better Person?","My mother is a narcissist, Im scared to be one",2 +467,"I used to get really bored with my life and then make a dramatic change to completely reinvent myself once every couple years. I miss the mania that comes right after the self sabotage, and the sudden energy to become a whole new human. My life feels like it's at a crossroads, and while I think I'm approaching this one correctly (actually considering it, engaging my therapist, discussing with my partner), it's hard not to wonder if this is just a more evolved version of that same old urge to blow it all up and start fresh. + +Anybody else struggle to tell what's ""normal"" life and what's bipolar life?",Bipolar Urge to Self Sabotage,2 +468,"Sorry this post is a huge mess. I just need to let everything out and I don't know who to go to right now who would understand my situation. + +So I'm 17 (got diagnosed on my birthday, quick fun fact I guess lol) and moved out of my parent's into an entirely different state back in January. I was doing completely fine, and actually felt on top of the world for awhile. I did some exams that allowed me to graduate early before moving, told myself and everyone I'll get a new job and start college as soon as I can. I haven't been able to get a job here yet, so I have been doing commissions to hold me off for a while. I was doing really good with that, making about $80-200 a week which held me off pretty well (I'm living with my boyfriend who lives with his mom so I don't have to pay rent or anything, just need to buy stuff for myself and my cat) everything was going good. + +I had to stop my meds after I moved because my psychiatrist isn't licensed in this state plus the side effects for the meds I was currently on gave me really bad tardive dyskinesia. My boyfriend's mom has been pressuring me more and more recently to get a job, sending me links for places to apply to more, and I've been applying to them. The other night I had a conversation with my parents (I'm still on good terms with them) and my mom noticed I must be manic because I told her I've been unable to get much sleep at all due to my mind constantly racing. She said she wants me to come visit home asap because she has bipolar too and based on her experience she doesn't want me being unmedicated and manic in an entirely different state especially when the depression comes. + +I told my boyfriend's mom this and she was really disappointed, saying that she doesn't want me to constantly visit back and forth again (before I moved I would visit for a couple weeks very often) and that I'm supposed to have a job by now, and that basically if I'm going to be doing this I should just move back until Im 18. I seriously don't want to move back though. I love my parents and everything and I want to just visit, not move back entirely. I'm happier here with my boyfriend, finally have myself settled and comfortable here, and I'm worried if I move back I'll get addicted to bad habits again because my mental health was a lot worse there. + +My parents and my boyfriend's mom had a whole dispute and I was in the middle of it, and since then I just feel like it triggered something in me and now I feel miserable and sick and scared. I'm sleeping constantly, and when I wake up I have messages from my boyfriend's mom telling me to apply to some place, along with messages from my parents asking when I'll be visiting. I don't want to disappoint or upset either of them with what I do and I don't know what'll be best for me, staying here and getting a job or risking it and going back to get my mental health worked on. I haven't been able to draw much at all since then and I fell behind on my commissions which is making me feel worse and I just don't know what to do right now. I feel stuck and I just want to cry and sleep and ignore all these issues. I haven't felt this shitty in so long, I can't bring myself to do anything and I keep suddenly crying several times a day when I'm awake. + +Sorry if this issue seems trivial or anything. I just have an extreme fear of disappointing people which makes this all so much worse for me. I really want to visit my parents and get on something that'll help me, but I'm worried that if I go my boyfriend's mom won't allow me to come back, and I don't want to upset her with my decision since she keeps telling me to apply to the places she's sending me and I'm telling her I will so she won't get upset. + +I don't know what I want from this post. I just know I needed to let this all out. If anyone reads this all then personal input or advice is welcome. I'm not sure what to do right now, I need to make a decision quick but I can't bring myself to",Just need to vent,2 +469,Do you guys ever just get extremely irritated by everyone and everything? It’s been happening for a while but sometimes it just hits me and I want to be mean for no reason due to it. When I was in therapy it’d happen and I’d just be irritated I had to be there and now I’m starting to do it again around my friends. I’ve started isolating until I can deal with it but I just feel like no one else understands. I feel like I can’t control this and I feel so lonely. I’m currently off meds because I can’t afford them or my psych and I just don’t know how to deal with this,Extreme irritation?,2 +470,"I have actually been diagnosed like three times. Oh geez. I don't want to be bipolar, no one does, so you just like deny it. There's literally nothing valuable about this. I'm nearly unintelligible, no one can understand me. And obviously people know. My brain is telling me the solution is to be a standup comic. I'm not actively suicidal but I fantasize about not dealing with it. I was okay for like 8 years. Fuck. When does it stop? I'm going to ask for meds but I really do not want to. I do not want to be this.",I told my therapist today that I think I'm probably bipolar.,2 +471,I often wonder if I would be ultimately happier with a bipolar woman. Who else besides us can even begin to understand our thought processes and patterns. I wish so much that my wife would understand just how lonely I am right now. I know its not her fault. However I am pretty sure if it was the other way around I would be much more interested and comfortable with communicating and comforting her. Im sure its hard for her to not take things personally and being bipolar isn’t an excuse for abuse. I do not and never have abused her ever whether physically or emotionally. I have spent a-lot of time in our room alone lately and figure if Im alone now and married then wtf am I still even married when I could be alone by myself.couple weeks ago I started all of the sudden getting up at 4am and going to the gym and cleaning the house and doing all the dishes over and over again. I would rather be stuck in that mode then this one. Anyways sorry for the rant.,Should a bipolar person be with another bipolar person?,2 +472,Recently I had to switch medication because I developed an allergy to the one I had been taking forever. It took a few months and in that time I had a manic and depressive episode. I ended up losing a good portion of friends and I understand why to an extent. I'm very communicative to people about my disorder and what happens even when I'm medicated. Despite this people were not very understanding with me. And while I understand people don't have to put up with my mental illness I still feel as if I was given no compassion at all. Some people did and im grateful to them but its so hard and it makes me so anxious. A lot of us have to switch medications multiple times in our life and I really wish people would be more understanding to those who are bipolar. I'd get it more if I just stopped the meds and didn't work on being better but this whole time I've been trying. This disorder can be so isolating and unforgiving. And I wish more people took the time to understand it.,Having to start over,2 +473,"I have reached a point in a very close friendship that is troubling. I talk with my best friend about frustrating people or situations. I get the sympathetic head tilt, the “three nod,” sometimes even the gentle pat on the arm. This is followed up with, “Do you think you might feel this way because you’re (delusional/ruminating/paranoid/psychotic)?” + +Eventually I’ll have to have a discussion, but it’s really frustrating to see my biggest cheerleader box in my *every not happy thought* as being related to BD1.",When everything is about my BD1,2 +474,"I had the worst episode I’ve ever had since I was a teenager . I started adhd meds and it causes a full episode where I blacked out and did all kinds of craziness . But the lamictal is helping at +Least",Adhd meds don’t go well with bipolar,2 +475,"Hello all, + +I am battling akathesia at the moment and it’s taken me out of the workforce since November. So I am now finding myself trying to battle it AND also job hunt again. + +One thing is that I hear people who are happy or unhappy voice their concerns a lot, and I wanna jump on that train. + +Please list what you do for work AND how you got there. If you went to grad school, say that. If you had to get certified, say that. Through a mutual friend? Say that.",Occupations list,2 +476,"been depressed for a while, had first ""manic"" episode a few months ago but doesn't seem that intense compared to other people's here. I was on an SNRI at the time that my psychiatrist stopped. + +now I'm in full depression again, but he wants to put me on antipsychotics and I feel like that's a lot/dont wanna do it especially considering the side effects!! + +but SNRI's are off limits because of triggering the mania, SSRIs and Wellbutrin haven't worked, I'm on lamictal and that hasn't worked, kind of running out of options. + +I'd rather go unmedicated than doing the antipsychotics (Abilify in this case). I don't feel like I'm ""psychotic,"" even in my mania it was barely psychotic--feeling like I could feel objects emotions. + +I started crying in the psychiatry office because I feel so bad about myself that nothing works for me and also that I might have to take some drug that leads to decreased brain volume and weight gain, hair loss, dementia, Parkinson's, etc. + +So: at what point do antipsychotics actually become necessary?? + +note: I'm not asking for medical advice, just people's experiences",antipsychotics seem like a bit much,2 +477,"basically I’ve been feeling empty for a while now, problably 2 to 3 years, which is also the around the time I had my first hypomanic and depressive episode. I feel a lack of feeling, sometimes I feel like I’m completely empty inside. the problem is I don’t feel this way only when I’m depressed, I also feel empty when I’m happy and life is good. I kinda feel like I feel less empty when I’m depressed, because I feel sadness, anger, depression. I can at least cry and feel things, even if its are not particularly pleasures feelings. On the other hand, when I’m stable I don’t feel anything.I have a few theories: 1. When I’m depressed I am in contact with my feelings, I’m completely focused on what’s happening inside of me instead of outside of me 2. When I’m “happy” I’m not in contact if my feelings, I get my happiness from external factor, in contrast of when I’m depressed I get my sadness from internal factors. So maybe when I’m stable I’m not in contact with what’s inside me. +Honestly I’m not sure if I’m even close to the answer, so please give me some advice especially if u been through this. +Thank you for reading.",How do I stop feeling empty?,2 +478,"I'm (27F) having serious issues with impulse control. So much so that since I've started my new job, my motto has been ""the less I talk, the better"". So I've been making sure to hold on on words as much as possible. I'm really anxious in general in my social interactions because I seek constant reassurance and approbation, that it's not hard for me not to talk when I'm anxious. + +I've been at my new job for a little more than a year now, and I'm starting to relax around people. I'm more comfortable. And more comfortable means losing my filter slowly. I surprise myself with my reactions that are out of proportion, and it surprises people whom have known me as someone really silent. + +My personality? I talk A LOT. I can be very insensitive and agressive. I WILL do everything I need to be better than whoever is around me. I want to be prettier, the nicest, the funniest, the sweetest, the most intelligent. But that takes constant control. So when I lose it, I go fucking rogue. + +I have a VERY hard time controlling what I say cause my impulse control is absolutely shit. I don't know what to do. Cause that's when people start to lose respect toward me. And that's also when people start to despise me. I want to avoid it as much as possible cause my new job is my dream job and I've been doing amazing until now. + +I don't want to ruin it by literally being myself and blunt. When I'm blunt, the things I say are inexact and stupid. + +What can I do? + +Counting to 3 before speaking is impossible, I can't do it. I forget about it as soon as I enter the world...",Impulse control issues,2 +479,"The gravity on earth feels stronger. I am so deep into a depressive episode. I spent the entire weekend in my bed getting high and crying. I only ate 2 meals throughout friday night till Monday morning. One was a box of frozen spring rolls that I heated up in the oven. The second meal was Sunday night, I didn’t plan on eating, I had no appetite at all. But my roommate brought me a burrito bowl because she knew I wasn’t leaving my room, oh and she also fed my cat I had been neglecting… I have zero ambition to do anything, no desire to engage in any of my hypomanic hobbies, no care for my health or future. I made it to work today, which I am actually quite surprised about, but my parents were the type to work even when they’re sick so I’ve always been forced to go to work no matter the circumstances. I just started seeing a therapist a couple weeks ago, even though I should’ve started years ago. She’s got a plan to help me and get me diagnosed so I can start proper meds and treatment. But for now, there’s nothing I can do besides hang out with my friends or go for walks, even though I don’t wanna do either right now. I’m writing this on my lunch break as I sit in my car alone trying to drink my fucking tea and find a will to fucking live. What the hell do I do until my doctor gets me proper meds?? I’m tired and don’t wanna live like this anymore…",So exhausted,2 +480,"I used to be fun and outgoing and people seemed to like having me around, but ever since my symptoms started, I’ve been so paranoid I can barely speak to anyone. I feel like I’m on a government watchlist or like everyone’s watching me 24/7. I can’t imagine a future for myself even though it seemed so bright before. Idk I’m just so tired of feeling so broken.",I miss who I was before,2 +481,"I haven't cleaned my room in... Months. And it was causing me so much anxiety but I couldn't make myself do it. Well, today I did it! It feels so good. + +I also cut my dog's nails today and that was another thing I kept not doing that was causing me stress. + +Today was a decent day!",Y'all I cleaned my room today 🙌,2 +482,"The subject is the good old imposter syndrome. I've been questioning my diagnosis and have been wondering what if someone without bipolar takes mood stabilizers, do they feel better or it doesn't do anything?",Qustioning meds.,2 +483,"It’s been a weird year. The world became a hotbed of viral death and I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I mean, apparently I just couldn’t let the pandemic upstage me. + +I’ve tried to deny who I am for the past 10 years. If you had to label me, I often am described as an extreme extrovert. All my friends tell me they “don’t know how I do it.” I stay out until 2am, go to bed at 3am, and wake up for work at 6am multiple days in a row without a problem. I do it all seamlessly, making it look effortless. I’ve never missed a day of work because I was tired or hungover, which is why I can’t stop acting the way I do. I don’t know how to say no. The word is literally not in my vocabulary. My lust to wander, be around friends, and experience everything the world has to offer is insatiable, but in an unhealthy way. + +I used to think that everyone else I knew was lame. I would come up with excuses for them; “they didn’t go to a party college, they’re married, they don’t like techno music.” But ultimately, I would get mad that my friends couldn’t handle social interactions the same way I did. Turns out, everyone I know is just normal and I am bipolar. + +Throughout undergrad and graduate school, I normalized my actions as part of the college experience. I still did well in school while partying and sleeping around, so why worry? Promiscuity and drinking is part of college culture, so what if I was a bit extra every now and then? + +Recently though, my disease has gotten the best of me. The thoughts in my head won’t go away. I sit there in turmoil knowing that I am being unreasonable, but I am plagued by insecurity, fear of missing out, irritability, anxiety, and no matter how I try to reason through them, they disrupt my life. + +There is such a stigma on not only bipolar disorder, but mental disorders in general that it has made me afraid to try medication. Why can’t I be the way I used to be without medication? Why can’t I feel like myself without taking an antipsychotic? I know we all need a little extra help sometime, but I am scared. I am scared to admit who I really am.",Wanting to be Normal,2 +484,"I’m trying to reconcile whether or not what I’m experiencing is psychosis. + +I do not believe in ghosts. But I found a can of reduced sodium soup in my cabinet and there is no way my roommate or I would ever buy that. We both have POTS and are on high sodium diets. I got this deep seated feeling that either someone broke in and put it there or, more likely, there is some sort of supernatural shit going on and I’m being haunted. I know rationally that this isn’t true. But I still feel anxiety in my gut that I’m being haunted and bad shit is going to happen. + +This is a pattern, I tend to get really emotional about some conspiracy or something supernatural. One time I salt lined my friend’s apartment because someone left a creepy doll in the vestibule of her building and then it got moved to the laundry room. + +Is this just me being me or am I experiencing psychosis? Or something else?? 😭",Feeling deeply perturbed because I feel that there is a ghost in my house,2 +485,"I have always envied and loved how others could express their feelings through color and time by painting. I am envious 🥰🥰 +This was my night and I really like looking at it ❤️‍🔥 +Feels good to concentrate fully on a project to the end. +#shortgoals",Decided to paint,2 +486,"Hi everyone been having some heavy nightmares since i got an additional med and they are extremely vivid + +if you have any experience with vivid dreams and such please let me know a coping method + +ill be calling my psychiatrist this week as well to let him know but i don’t think it is medication related since i’ve been pretty stable while on it",Increase in nightmares after med changes,2 +487,"basically I can’t stop thinking about mindsets, methods, ways in which I should live by. Thinking and ruminating constantly about how i should be living my life. How I should be thinking. I don’t know what to do. why can’t I just enjoy things. Should I be present? Should I be positive? Should I focus on self love? Should I focus on being self aware? +that’s basically how my mind has been working 24/7",overthinking/ ruminating about how should I live life ?,2 +488,I jus need to get this all out but I’ve been feeling so miserable lately .. was supposed to take my test today for college and things ended up messing up so I wasn’t able to :/ it seems like everything I do ultimately ends up in disappointment and it shows .,Vent,2 +489,,A painting symbolically depicting my most traumatic experience,2 +490,"I started taking Lamictal at 25mg, and I didn’t notice any strong side effects. Now, I’m on 50mg and I can’t have proper sleep. + +My sleep consists of me waking up every few hours because my brain won’t shut up. All these voices having conversations in my ears about the most mundane things. It makes me wake up super nauseous as well. + +I also suddenly cannot control my anger. The smallest things make me wanna punch a hole in the wall, but I’m trying to play it cool and control it. + +I can’t tell if this just my brain trying to adjust, or what. If anyone has any advice let me know.",Increased my Lamictal dosage and now can’t sleep,2 +491,"if i sleep, i wake up and it's tomorrow. tomorrow isn't even bad, i'm just lazy and don't want to go to my 3 hour school day! i really, really should just sleep. i can rest my head and in like 5 minutes be knocked out. but then i'll be so tired in the morning. + +i know i really shouldn't but.. what if i just smoked some weed? chugged some energy drinks? triggered a manic episode and stayed up all night and all day. could i time it correctly? no, probably not. i've done this before and it never ends well. maybe the trick is more weed? + +it's either live a stable life, slightly depressed for a bit but getting better, or ruin it all my purposely triggering manic episodes that LITERALLY DAMAGE MY BRAIN. why am i even considering the latter? why do i keep doing this? this isn't even the bipolar this is just me being shit and making bad decisions. + +sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep PLEASE make the right choice holy shit. + +why do i have this urge to self destruct?",i'm tired. i need to sleep. i want to sleep. but..,2 +492,"After receiving the diagnosis I feel slightly(?) better about my actions during a manic episode last year but I'm still so embarrassed, and the repercussions are really making my current depressive state worse. I decided to move to Miami last minute with barely any money, get a dog, start an electrical engineering degree that I'm terrible at and hate, oh and also to make it worse I married an illegal resident to help fund my life (arguably the worst) amongst other things. My entire personality changed. Now I have a ""husband"" that I have basically told I am not going through with the visa, and have straight up ghosted for months because I can't even afford a divorce or to face him. Blew any money I had on shopping, partying, even drugs which I DONT EVEN LIKE. I have no money now and this degree is taking up all of my time but I have invested too much already to just quit. I love my dog but it was an extremely irresponsible decision. I'm basically stuck living with all of these things now and I don't know how to get out of it. I feel so trapped in my mistakes now that I have a clear head and understand what was happening. I keep telling myself that if i can just finish school and get my finances on track I can fix it but I have several months to go and I don't know how I can live with these mistakes much longer.",just diagnosed with bipolar,2 +493,"So my cat needs to visit the vets, it's all booked in, I'm really upset but he's going to be fine with the correct treatment/ plan. + +My behaviour is really confusing me though. So obviously I'm spiralling a little, feeling super anxious and emotional. I've recently had what my psych calls 'paranoia'. Fears of my house being burnt down, people dying. So I've been making sure the house is safe etc. However I've started obsessing over it more now that I'm stressed. Usually I only take extra precautions if I'm leaving the house, now I'm walking around switching everything off while at home, or immediately after my partner has used something like the microwave. + +Has anyone else experienced anything like this?",My cats sick and my behaviours are weird,2 +494,like a switch flipped in my head. suddenly everything was terrible. i had to leave. i’m sure i’ll hear about it from my boss later. any tips on not completely descending into depression and sinking into a hole of self-pity?,crashed at work,2 +495,"I am just so tired of being in pain and being depressed, or being numb and not seeing the point to life. I am pushing myself to get up everyday and I’m so tired. I’ve been on so many medications and none of them have helped me. I really just want to give up and just not exist anymore, I’m so tired of dealing with this pain and getting only a slight moment of relief. +Im considering checking myself into the hospital but I’m convinced it won’t even help at this point. What else could they even try? It will just waste away 10 days and accomplish nothing!",What is the point,2 +496,"I have primary inattentive ADHD, it's pretty severe and has been my entire life. Unfortunately, medication makes me switch even while on mood stabilizers. That wasn't always the case, I've been on Ritalin, Adderall, strattera and Vyvanse. Strattera was the absolute worst. I was very motivated, it helped my ADHD symptoms more than anything but within 6 months I ruined my finances long term. + +Currently, I'm on nothing for my ADHD. I started latuda three months ago and my ADHD symptoms are worse than they've ever been. Latuda seems to do pretty good for emotional regulation but my employer is extremely worried about me. I'm not focused, my memory recall is awful and my personality has changed more than it has over the past 8 years of work. In other words, my work is currently very impacted by these new meds. + +I'm wondering if anybody has some tips on what to ask my psych. It's my understanding that antipsychotics and stimulants negate eachother. What the hell is the point of being on either of them if they work against each other? + +It would be super cool if I could stay motivated, happy and focused but also remain level headed and sane. Ideas??",ADHD + bipolar,2 +497,"How do you react when spring is coming? how spring affects you? Are you getting hypomanic or depressed? Or it doesn’t affect you. +I’m excited because if spring, but I’m affraid that I’m hypomanic from this excitation",How spring affects you?,2 +498,"I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years, and for about 5 of those years we were aware I am bipolar. I am noticing it is really starting to take a toll on him…. The highs and lows, the impulsivity, the lack of coping skills I have….. I don’t know what to do anymore because the feelings of guilt are consuming me and I’m becoming impulsive and just empty…. + +How can a long term relationship truly survive? + +*I am medicated btw",Advice - Long Term Relationships,2 +499,I’m on lamotrigone for ten years. I been feeling off balance. I been to the hospital and had every brain test done but it’s all fine. I don’t understand where it’s coming from.,How do you manage dizziness?,2 +500,"Do you guys think the condition we live in its the punishment we get from our deeds because the person we became after the mental illness feels like been in a prison or some kind of torture i used to be so good managing all the things (studies,work, relationships, caring myself and others) and now can't even manage myself staying all day doing nothing. job, reputation, loved ones, are all gone . I tried so many times to make myself better but end up the same depressed person",Spiritual or mental illness,2 +501,"I am currently trying to get permission to work from home full time. It’s been denied before, but I was just told to add a lot of details… anyone have experience with this? What did you include? + +If you got any other accommodations, please feel free to share! I am hanging by a thread when I have mixed episodes and can only function from home. + +Edit to add I had to take a 3 month leave of absence so I feel like I can use that to emphasize my need more. I’m also diagnosed with social anxiety and being around these loud strangers doesn’t help.",Advice on getting work accommodations?,2 +502,"Been lurking for a while but thought I’d ask y’all for some advice. I am Bipolar 1 and have been stable since 2016(Some lows but no manic outbreaks). + +My psychiatrist put me on 1600mg Lithium and 6mg risperdone coming out of hospital in 2016. Now I am at 1200mg Lithium and 1mg Risperdone. + +My new NP who oversees my meds and mood seems like a knowledgeable guy and ran it by me to see if we could try new meds. He wants to make sure the side effects of my current meds aren’t affecting me too badly. + +I am concerned because these are the only meds I have been on since being hospitalized. Lithium and risperdone are my so called “cocktail” that work with me. + +What do you guys think? Have any of you been on the right blend of meds but your medical professional wanted to try different? + +Thanks for any advice",NP wants to Experiment with New Drugs,2 +503,"Hi everyone! + +So this week I'm going to be starting my period, I struggle with BP2 along with really bad mood swings and emotional dysregulation about a week before my period starts. I'm talking I go from perfectly fine to wanting to hurt myself and ruin my relationships. + +I have no idea how it's going to go, but things are going really well with someone I'm interested in. But with my period starting soon I can already see and have already started freaking out because he was acting distant, he later told me he was spending time with a friend. That calmed me down because it explained the ""distance"", but I tend to over react while suffering with the mood swings, etc;. I don't want it to ruin how well things are going, but I can feel the paranoia setting in again. + +Do you guys have any advice on how to battle paranoia and overthinking? I do positive affirmations when I wake up and go to bed, they help but I'm looking for some more ways to prevent overthinking and paranoia surrounding my relationships.",Staying positive?,2 +504,Has anybody had any problems with oral health from your meds? I developed a chronic mouth pain and no tests can solve what’s the reason for that. A dentist suggested it may be linked to meds.,Issues with oral health after medication,2 +505,"I quit my job and moved to a new state hundreds of miles away from all my friends and family, with no job lined up and no money saved up 😬",What's the worst thing you've done while manic/hypomanic?,2 +506,"There are emotions that come along with this diagnosis that get swept under the rug of summarization. It’s more than just being happy one day and sad the next. There’s the frustration of not being able to get out of bed because you’re frozen by deep, dark depression. + +The sadness is so consuming, you don’t think you’ll make it one more day. There is the anguish of not being able to be reliable every single time you’re needed. +Some days I can’t count on myself, let alone be there for another person asking me for help. I wish with all of my might that I could be someone’s rock, even though I can’t be one for myself. + +The lack of hope that one day it will get better and I will be strong enough to conquer this. The feelings of anger and irritation pulsing through my body for no apparent reason. My aggression toward everyone, even though I know they have done nothing wrong. The grief I feel when the thoughts come rushing in, telling me I am a burden to others and everyone who once loved me. + +The heartache from the thought that I am pushing everyone away and will soon be alone. The fear of facing this alone. +The exhaustion of putting up a front to mask my many emotions and terrifying thoughts, just to seem OK and “normal.” +It’s more than just being happy one day and sad the next. There are highs of being productive with little amounts of sleep that can go on for days, even weeks. + +The manic state of rash decisions and risky behavior, such as impromptu tattoos or even solo backpacking trips through Europe. The euphoric feeling of being on top of the world. The racing thoughts and distractions that cannot be controlled. +The blissful feeling of being out of my depressive state. + +The confidence that the darkness will never come back, but the acknowledgement that it will. +The hope that people will begin to understand the many sides of bipolar that aren’t mentioned.",There are more to the ups and downs that bipolar disorder brings,2 +507,The past few weeks have been the worst I've ever felt. I'm a teacher and haven't been able to go to work for over two weeks now because the job is just too stressful and I can't deal. I've been seeking treatment for depression for years now with my bipolar ii diagnoses happening last September. No treatments have worked for me. All of them have made me feel even worse than before with short periods of respite in between. It's exhausting. I'm going on medical leave which means I won't be able to afford my own place anymore and have to move back in with my parents who thankfully have been very supportive but it still just sucks so much. I'm 33 and it feels like my life is going backward after working so hard to get just this far. One of my best friends who used to be extremely supportive of me just doesn't seem to care that much anymore about me and I've been dealing with that for months now. It's heartbreaking. I have other friends I can rely on but she was very special to me. I'm still learning how to move on from it but I just can't. I'm sick of waking up every morning feeling like shit. I want so badly for something to make me feel happy but nothing works. I wish giving up was an option.,I just need to vent.,2 +508,How are you guys meeting people that are bipolar in real life? Seems like everyone around me has very little to no understanding of bipolar and has never met anyone with bipolar. This shit is isolating enough and to feel like I'm the only one in a 100 mile radius that has it is driving me crazy. Feel like it would help to have bipolar friends but have no idea how to even start working toward that lmao,Bipolar-in person?,2 +509,,My therapist wanted me to visualize my 'usual' episodes and my current state. Is this how you do it?,2 +510,"Hi! + +So you know I (F22) have the best psychiatrist I could wish for and the best treatment. +I finally am able to be happy, because my disorder was type 2 focusing on depression, I was struggling with depression from 5 to 21 years old, thought there was no way out. + +Today I'm kind of happy. I am in a healthy and loving relationship, that was unthinkable three years ago bc I was such a mess. + +But there's some days like this one, I feel soooo sad and lonely again... And not because of an episode, but because of my life. I had such a difficult life surrounded by illegal substances and violence, and those memories sometimes just hit me. I just feel all the pain people went through, feeling sad and powerless against this sh**** world where help is so difficult to find for people with heavy issues. + +My struggles today are the same as every basicaly NT person, but I have to live with those memories of people, friends, suffering when we were so young... And I still sometimes meet the same kind of people, 14 year old girls drunk and high in the afternoon with 45 year old homeless addicts. + +I'm here in life, in the middle. +Juste between healthy and dying people. +I'm doing better now, they aren't. + +I just feel lonely right now with those thoughts.",Feeling lonely,2 +511,"like do i actually have this thing wrong w me? maybe i just like doing crazy shit every now & then. i regret it all after but maybe i’m just spontaneous ??? i just don’t get what the problem is; i was depressed, then i got on lexapro, then i did a ton of crazy shit & ruined a bunch of friendships & school stuff. but maybe that’s just because i finally wasn’t depressed & so i had the ability to get up & do things ??? what if the way i was acting after getting on lexapro is just me & now im being silenced ? i almost wish i had never gotten on anything at all. i was depressed but at least my life was in order unlike now",what if i was misdiagnosed,2 +512,"For anyone wondering if doubting your symptoms and diagnosis is normal, here's a journal entry from a few years ago post mania. + +&#x200B; + +I wonder if I know how it feels to leave this world.  + +Have I ever been sad. + +Have I ever felt anything.  + +Or have I given names to the blank spaces.  + +And am I drowning in an ocean or a teaspoon. ",I think it's universal,2 +513,"Possible controversial post here but I speak from my own experience. I've finally come out of the depths of the darkest, longest depression I've experienced. It took perseverance, self advocacy, accountability, and surrendering when it was too difficult to cope. Oh, and tons of therapy. + +From all of this I've learned that I own my own happiness. No one else is responsible for it because they've got their own to worry about. It's my body and I also own the right to know what works best for it. Meds, eating the foods that make me feel my best, moving my body, journaling my thoughts. All these steps pay off. + +It. Just. Takes. Time. I'm the world's most impatient person and the universe is always teaching my ways I need to slow down and smell the roses. Enjoy the simple things and little moments. All these things add up. + +You all can do this for yourselves and more. Keep up the good fight!",You own it,2 +514,"So, I started my mental health journey at the age of 20. I was initially diagnosed Bipolar 2, and tried a number of medications that either didn’t work, or made me worse. + +The bad experience with medication caused me to “take a break” from medication, off and on. + +Around the age of 25 I was hospitalized for a manic episode. A year later, when I was 26, I was hospitalized again for another manic episode. + +Finally, around the age of 27, I started seeing a new psychiatrist, and she put me on Abilify, and to my surprise, I finally felt stable, happy, and “normal”. + +Over the years, I have had to adjust my Abilify every now and again, but can usually get stable fairly quickly. + +Until now. + +I began having hypomanic symptoms about a week ago, so we raised my Abilify to 30MGS and added 5MGS of Zyprexa. + +Maybe I’m being impatient, it’s only been two days, but I’m still having hypomanic symptoms. And on top of that, I’m having balance and coordination issues. + +My fear is that the Abilify is no longer working, and I am accepting the possibility that I may have to start from square one. + +Which means medication trial and error, and with my past bad experiences with medication, I may be completely dysfunctional for God knows how long. + +Which leads me to considering possibly going on Disability. I know it’s not easy to get, and could take up to a year to receive benefits, which is a concern. + +I also feel going on Disability may lower my self esteem. To be clear, I don’t judge others that are on it who really need it. It’s just a personal issue I have, I really want to work and function in the real world. + +And I know you also have to jump through a bunch of hoops to get Disability, and even when I’m “stable” I tend to give up easily. + +So yeah. I guess I’m posting because I’m really on the fence about this. I’m scared, worried and feel shame. + +Thanks to whoever reads this or replies.","After years of resistance, I’m finally considering going on Disability…….",2 +515,"Don't know how else to put this. I feel like my cognition and intelligence aren't what they used to be. It takes me 3x as long to do what I used to be able to do. My thinking is slow and repetitive and I'm tired all the time. + +I tried looking this up online but couldn't find any conclusive answers. Decided to hop on here and ask you guys myself. Do you feel like you just became ""dumber"" after starting antipsychotics?",Can antipsychotics make you stupid?,2 +516,"I want to go off of my meds. I’ve been on them for years but they are not helping enough anymore. I’ve gone off lithium before and that went fine. I tried going off Invega but I couldn’t keep my shit together. If I get the chance again, I’ll probably just lie to get off finally. I like lamictal but it has a lot of sideffects so I’d like to get off of that too. I love my sleep med roserum. I got off of and had really bad withdrawal from lorazepam but it helps my major panic issues. So I’d keep that but use it sparingly. + +My husband said he’d seriously consider divorcing me if I go off of my meds. I’m kind of devastated. We were together before I got diagnosed and medicated. We never had a bad relationship while I was off meds. I did some stupid shit occasionally but we got though it more easily than a lot of the shit I’ve done medicated. + +He drank like a fucking fish, got increasingly violent and acted like I shot him when I said I’d divorce him if he didn’t stop. He was sober 1 month. 1. And while infinitely better, still has episodes of drinking way too much. And I’m supposed to take it with a fucking smile. + +But how fucking dare I say I want to get off the stuff that give me side effects I don’t want to live with anymore. I’m even open to other medication, just not what I’m on currently, except maybe lamictal. + +I feel like a god damned zombie. I don’t want to die I just don’t want to live like this anymore.",Want to go off meds without getting divorced,2 +517,"Hi, + +I was first diagnosed with bipolar type 2 in 2019. I quickly got stable with medication until I was pregnant in 2021 and my meds were changed. It set me spiralling and I saw a new psychiatrist who again diagnosed bipolar type 2. + +I came off my meds for 6 months last year and stayed pretty stable other than depression. Then around Christmas time hit a manic period and saw a new psychiatrist. This time they said they weren't sure bipolar was the right diagnosis but put me on lamotrigine anyway. + +I've been really good on lamotrigine for a couple months but my husband spoke to my psych nurse today about maybe having some counselling and she said I don't have a diagnosis of bipolar anymore and they're treating my autism and depression. + +I don't know why I feel so panicked and upset by it. I think it's come out of the blue. The fact nobody has told me and they've now told my husband without even speaking to me about it. It feels like they've been sort of talking behind my back and think I'm lying or something? + +I don't understand how to different psychs said I'm bipolar and this new one has seen me once and changed my diagnosis.",Changing diagnosis? No longer bipolar?,2 +518,"I had to go to the ER and admit myself for a couple of days because I was becoming very depressed and my mood seings were getting out of hand. I was having horrible night terrors and even sleep paralysis. I was on seroquel, the doctor took me off of it completely and put me on a different mood stabillizer and and ssri. + +I am so restless. I cannot sleep without this drug even though ive only been on it for a couple of months. Im confused as to why i wasnt tapered off of it and im just having a hard time dealing. + +I mostly wanted to vent to possibly someone who understands but advice would be greatly appreciated as well.",Coming off seroquel suddenly,2 +519,"I’m back on meds just under a week now and feel so so bad, the meds are leaving me heavy, still lingering psychosis more so at night but not as bad and now I feel extremely depressed. I wish I never went off my meds I feel horrible and see no end in sight of this ever stopping, I feel completely alone and back to square one. I’ve put strain on relationships and just not functioning back on meds as I was off them. This illness is a death sentence and I’m hanging on for dear life.",I’m regretting so much coming off my meds,2 +520,"Edit: my doctor already agreed that I can try a lower dose of lamictal, but he generally lets me decide what I want to do when it comes to meds since nobody else could figure me out. Please stop deleting this. + +So basically med-induced stupidity is ruining my life. Being smart is my thing, it’s the only thing I have going for me pretty much. I’ve been labeled a “genius”with a 140+ iq for my entire life and now I can’t do basic math. I’m freaking out, it’s so bad I might actually flunk out of school at this rate. + +I’ve been on lamictal for years and always knew it made my memory and cognition worse, but it never was that big of a problem because I wasn’t doing anything that hard. + +All of that changed this year when I went back to studying computer science in college, something that I was always good at. But now I can’t do anything, and I mean that. I can’t remember anything for more than ten seconds, it takes me 10x how much time it should for me to learn anything and my brain just doesn’t work. I’m a month behind in both of my stem classes. Even when I was in a mixed psychotic episode I was 10x smarter than this, hell even when I was hospitalized I was smarter than this! So I know for sure that it is the meds causing this, not the disorder itself. + +I’m scared of stopping it completely but I want to at least try cutting the dose. My psychiatrist agreed that it could potentially help, but he also pretty much said he doesn’t know much about it. I used take 400 and going down to 200 helped a little, so I’m planning on going down to 100. Has anybody successfully regained some of their brain power by lowering their dose?",Lamictal brain,2 +521,That’s just it. No one cares about the fact there is something wrong with me. They just see it as me being moody and an annoyance who destroys everything. I can’t go on any medication because of it - i’ve tried everything else yet nothing helps. I can’t sleep and these stupid episodes are fucking exhausting. I don’t know what to do and I highly doubt there even is anything to actually do.,(vent) i cant do this much longer,2 +522,"As in before your first manic episode. I feel like my meds are a crutch, but I still don’t feel like myself. I am just looking for hope that my brain can heal.",Help- Has anyone gone back to fully normal?,2 +523,,"When I’m feeling down about BP, I take a look at this beauty and dream a little: https://youtu.be/CFtsHf1lVI4",2 +524,"I was bored, in crisis and with a tattoo machine. I'm going to make a kind of blog for every time I have a crisis and get a tattoo",Impulsive tattoos that I do myself- day: 1,2 +525,"Had an interesting moment of introspection playing Skyrim today. + +The theme in a lot of my favorite games is that I can just...be. No Man's Sky is probably the best example of this. I'm not out to destroy the evil empire, or make some trade fortune. Can if I want, but most of the time I'm just a dude with a space suit and a beat-up old ship, exploring and getting by. + +In real life, the most self-destructive nonsense I've gotten into has been out of a sense of grandiosity. Currently paying off $10k worth of debt from trying to be a self-employed trader. There was that time when trying to be ""off-the-grid"" left me drug addicted and homeless. + +Maybe just being kind and at peace is enough of a challenge, and enough of a reward.",Bipolar and video games,2 +526,"Ready to fly, my body and mind feel numb as I mask myself to the world. I know leaping, in reality, won’t achieve anything, so I refrain. However, most days, it feels as if the only thing that binds me to this world are my beloved animals. They’re my reason for my continued existence. So I drown myself in my work, to provide them with the best. I may think little of myself, but I think the world of them, and the few I still care for.",Feeling numb and ready to leap into a state of non-existence.,2 +527,"Im suicidal, really depressed, i think going off lithium was a bad idea, im not doing good. + +I will schedule an appointment with my doctor tomorrow, i might get hospitalised, i dont care i need help.",I decided i'll tell my doctor,2 +528,I am a diagnosed bipolar it's been 2 years since i've been medically diagnosed after being hospitalised in a psych ward due to it. Knowing this my sister and mother decided it would be fun to crack a joke on how they're bipolar because of how moody they are and how they can go from happy to angry very fast. I was so pissed but everytime i try to speak up i get shut down by either or both of them because apparently i'm not bipolar enough as if something like that could exist.,Making fun of bipolar mood disorder,2 +529,"So I have all my meds filled and enough for the trip + afterwards. I typically take my meds at 8pm every night and right before bed. I’m very good at taking my meds on time I really don’t miss them, so I just want to be safe when it comes to being in a different time zone. + +Do I take them at the same in the other country, or do I take them at the same time I would while there? + +And any tips from you guys about traveling. I’m a bit nervous to step out of my really good routine and sleep schedule and be traveling to multiple countries. My therapist/prescribing nurse have confidence in me and support this trip too.","Going on a long vacation, 21 days, with a big time change. Time change and taking meds question.",2 +530,I feel like the world is more complex than simple and everything just seems so confusing and all over the place. I’m still trying to get stable with right medicines. It really feels it’s me vs me all the time. I’m trying to learn but when I go through the different cycles it feels like I’m forgetting and relearning emotionally. Has anyone felt like this? Thanks!,Does anyone feel kinda confused or feel like they can’t trust their own brain all the time?,2 +531,"I’ve just been diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and it was kinda like everything was closing in on me but it also made so much sense. My next appointment for my psychiatrist isn’t for another 3 weeks (she’s also very booked out) but I will be talking to her about what I’m saying here :) + +My psych started me on 10mg of Abilify. I started taking it and felt so jittery and just down right awful. I couldn’t stand up in the shower, I couldn’t do my makeup or get dressed. I also didn’t feel like it would be safe for me to drive. It was hell. + +I took 10mg for 5 days. I went to the chemist that we see very regularly to pick up our prescriptions and she said I am experiencing akathisia. Her advice was to write it down and see if it gets any worse, and if it did, to email my psychiatrist or get into contact with her some way. + +I kind of took it my own way and just started taking half of the pills, and guess what? Akathisia is only half as bad now. +I’ve been taking the half tablets for maybe 5 days? So 9 days on Abilify so far. It’s still horrible but I’d never want to feel that way again. It was so bad. + +I know Abilify is not the right medication for me. The benefits for me are : less racing thoughts, more stable mood. + +The disadvantages of Abilify for me are: not helping sleep at all (this has been a huge issue for years), feeling kinda “weird” and not myself around my friends etc. losing interest in a lot of creative things I used to love. And of course, the akathisia. + +I am scared of a few “bipolar meds” because I’m scared of gaining weight now that I am at a healthy weight. Just thought I’d add that in there. + +This is kind of a vent, and I know finding the perfect or best combination of medication isn’t easy and takes time but I’d love to hear everyone’s experiences with different medications :)",Just been diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and Abilify has been a real pain…,2 +532,"It's 3AM and there is a 0% chance of me falling asleep any time soon, I'm having a really bad time inside my head right now. What specific things do you do to just get through these nights?",Coping,2 +533,"Life and its pathology, + +Arduous, it seized the muscles, + +The Hanged Man of the pack, + +Blood splashed when darted to the plan, + +Fate hinders on stars and caliber of what pulls. + +Testaments being circumstances and ignorance, + +To stir the the current of the steam, + +I not ask for maladaptive arrangements, + +Came like a blitzkrieg with no trench to brace, + +I recognize a before and after onset of attack, + +Very young, + +18 and first manic, + +Not taught how to handle such things, + +Never expect a hospital stay, + +Not on the list or plan, + +But here it is, + +A plan.",Fate,2 +534," +EDIT: Thanks again for all of the advice. I know that my husband just doesn’t understand and needs to educate himself more on this illness. A little backstory on me- I grew up with a bipolar-schizoaffective mother who really was out of control. No stability. Ever. She ended up killing herself when I was 16. I was first medicated and diagnosed at 13 and always felt my mother almost pushed me into a diagnosis. I was medicated until she died. Then not again until 2019 at 25 years old in the midst of a terribly toxic relationship. This man lied to me about everything, forced me to go get medicated only to use it against me and gaslight me into thinking I was crazy. I found a good med combo and met my husband in 2020. I was still emotionally shattered from previous relationship. But my husband stuck by me. When I say he pushed me- I don’t mean he made me or asked me. He did make comments and suggestions. I think he is just afraid the meds are going to damage me more in other ways, idk. Since being off meds I’ve held down a great job, but I’ve never had an issue working anyways. I think because I’m not like my mother was, to the same extent, I think I can do it without the meds. But lately I feel like I can’t. My work is suffering now bc I can’t focus. My relationship is suffering because I can’t open up and be vulnerable anymore. Just feels like a spiral and I don’t like that. I’ve always prided myself for my resilience but it’s come with a lot of suffering, self hatred and pain. So yeah. + +Thank you all again. + +————- +When my husband and I first got together I was medicated and mostly stable. He is very natural and pushed me to try life without meds, so I did. And for the most part- I’m doing okay but I struggle occasionally. Especially lately due to family issues and work. I am the agitated type when manic and everything annoys me. I’m also very sensitive so any criticism really pushes me. Anyways- I have a had a few drinks and when I drink all my stifled emotions bubble to the surface. And my husband is a very logical, type a person. He doesn’t get it and I don’t know that he really wants to. I have really suppressed a huge part of who I am in order to stay “normal” but I feel like I can’t do it much longer. How can I let my guard down with my husband and let him know who I really am deep down? I know he loves me but we are two totally different ppl who have lived very different lives. I feel like a big part of me is missing since I’ve been holding all of my darkness in… I’m ok with my darkness and I need to feel those things but it’s been so long that I forgot how to deal with it. I kind of have been considering getting back on meds, but I’m afraid to tell him. Please give me any advice you may have. Thank you.","Unmedicated going on a year now, recently married and losing my fucking mind.",2 +535,"So I found out I was bipolar by looking it up because it popped in my head one day and ADHD didn't explain everything. So I did that, realized it matched perfectly, talked to my psych, and it turned out he already thought I had a mood disorder but didn't know which one. I had never brought up the manic feelings I got where I'd just be really confident and happy for no reason, kind of like not giving a shit about what anyone thought and then having a million ideas, thinking how I'm gonna improve my life, also wasting a ton of money on games because in those moments my mind just goes do it who cares. I never told him about these feelings because I thought it was normal. I've always thought how I felt emotions was completely normal because I thought everyone had no control over them and because it was normal for me I had never known any difference. I know for a fact that I'm bipolar and I'm diagnosed but it still feels like pepple think I'm lying for no reason or like no one believes me. I'm not lying about how I feel and my symptoms but it feels like everyone thinks I am because what they say is how did no one find out about it until now. I never talked about it because I thought it was normal. I only started talking about it when I said I feel like only sometimes I'm lucid and other times I have no control over how I feel. Like it feels like I only swim to the surface once in a while and then I'm dragged back under into depression and mania, rapidly cycling between the two. It feels like after my diagnosis I started cycling more and more rapidly? Like I've kind of lost any semblance of control I had left I guess. Like I feel manic when I'm depressed or vice versa. It's scary because it feels like I'm having more frequent mood swings, like 3-4 times daily. I don't know if they're actually more frequent or I'm just realizing that I'm having mood swings because I never recognized them before. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I guess it's a cry for help? Idk I know that I'm manic right now and I'll probably think what the fuck later but it feels like what I should do right now. I'm so scared, I feel so out of control. I had to take a leave of absence from college. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm just at the whims of my emotions and I hate it. I'm so scared. Does anyone have any advice or support? It feels like my life is slowly spiraling out of control and I just don't know what to do anymore.",Got diagnosed and am now spiraling,2 +536,"Hey guys, I live in Tennessee and I’m a veteran. I was wondering if anyone else here is a veteran and has applied for disability through the VA. I know it’s for service related injuries, but I do believe being in the military while I was bi polar negatively affected my mental health and when I got out is when I started having issues.",Disability through the VA.,2 +537,"She was such a beautiful person. I can’t imagine the world without her incredible spark of life. Confusion, anger, deep sadness, a cold and aching regret…I feel everything right now. + +She had well-managed rapid-cycling bipolar and was helping me come to terms with my bipolar 1 + psychotic features diagnosis. The pain she must have been experiencing…I just can’t imagine. I am so upset about her and now so scared for what’s in my own future, which feels selfish. + +How can I move on? Why did this happen? Why? Why can’t I go back in time and reach out to her before it’s too late? My soul feels empty.",Friend took her life and I’m broken,2 +538,"okay. for as long as i can remember everyone calls me bipolar. These memories of how I screwed everyone over when I had a psychotic break. My mom thought that I was simply seeking attention and that made me believe that I was. + +At the age of 15 they detected it but when they told me I felt that my life was falling. It really depressed me to find out that I did have bipolarity. I recently found out that my father also has bipolarity and coincidentally shares many of the same characteristics as mine. + + Is it normal for me to get angry when everyone calls me bipolar?",Is it normal that it makes you angry to be called bipolar?,2 +539,"Guys, I think I'm stabilizing. I sat down and painted for 3 hours yesterday and wasn't too restless to sit still. I am turning the music down to a reasonable volume instead of blasting it. I'm cleaning. I am having thoughts of budgets and time management. I feel like a different person with both feet on planet earth. What are signs you are starting to do well? Wishing you all stability and happiness.",Signs of stability,2 +540,"I (22F) went off Prozac a few weeks ago. I’m not sure why. I think the meds made me feel almost numb. When I stopped them, I felt great, no withdrawal symptoms. Felt like I was on top of the world, super productive, staying up late, manic-like symptoms. However the past week I have felt so down. I am crying without reason, I feel so low, so irritable. I just want to be in bed all day. I’m so tired. I work full time, I love my job so that keeps my mind busy, but even at work it’s hard to fake being cheerful. Any advice on how to stop feeling like this? + +(Note: I was only on Prozac, no mood stabilisers. I’ve read for bipolar that’s not the best idea.. Has anyone else been on Prozac only?)",Stopped Prozac. Feel terrible.,2 +541,"I’m so tired of being bipolar and having to live with it forever sounds like hell. I’m gaining weight because of my medication, I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my body and this has just made it worse. I don’t feel hopeful about life, I’m unemployed and broke, I have lost all sense of self confidence. I just want to scream. I feel so alone, no one understands. I hate my life. This is a nightmare.",I hate this disease,2 +542,"I’m very new to all of this. I was diagnosed with bipolar II about 6 months ago after I checked myself into an inpatient facility. I’m a 28 year old female and I’m coming to terms with my diagnosis, but I haven’t seen anyone or taken any medication since I left the facility. Does anyone else struggle to tell the difference between what’s “normal” behavior and what’s manic behavior? For example, I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man, and out of the blue last week I just decide I don’t want to be with him anymore and lose all feelings for him. And all of these reasons to leave that I keep telling myself sound completely valid, but how can I go from loving him and wanting to marry him to just complete indifference? When I get like this I turn cold towards him and want nothing to do with him. I feel annoyed when he tries to talk to me. Is that normal? Just to add, I’ve done this like 10 times over the course of our 2 year relationship and feel so guilty later on. I just don’t want to rashly and regret anything later. Does anyone else experience this?",What is “normal”?,2 +543,"I’m not sure how many people will read this, but I really need some help or kind words. I’m in a depressive state and haven’t had a manic episode in over two years now. (Some hypomania but nothing too concerning). + +I’ve been having a hard time with work recently. After finding this community I’ve discovered that I’m not the only one with trouble holding down a job. + +I have a relatively high paying job for my area that allows me to live at least paycheck to paycheck with one pay period worth in my savings. I guess I don’t really know where to start, but I just can’t work my job anymore. I have this horrible depression and the job itself is very difficult. I have FMLA for my mental health and can take up to 2 days off per week and also have time off for appointments. I’m finding myself needing more and more time off, unpaid, and I don’t know what to do. + +I applied for a much lower paying job, but I feel like it will be much better for my mental health. + +I’m just so upset and defeated, I don’t know if I’ll start this new job in a good mental state, if I even get it. + +I’ve considered short term disability because I just feel like I can’t stand a single more day working my current job. I just want to cry the whole time. I feel like such a failure. + +I’m looking into doing a year longDBT program. It was recommended by both my therapist and psychiatrist. + +I’m just having such a hard time making decisions. I know I need to leave this job. I feel like my body and mind is screaming out for help. It’s causing me physical symptoms like nausea and vomiting, migraines, panic attacks. + +Please if you have any advice at all, I will appreciate it.",I’m just so scared and don’t know what to do,2 +544,"So I have this thing, I don’t go home all day. Once I wake up and get ready for the day I leave and go to my moms. If she has something to do I’ll go visit my aunt. If she has something to do I’ll go visit a friend, so on and so forth. It is an avoidant tactic so I don’t have to take care of things (cleaning, responding to mail, etc.) I also know I do this because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts, or make a poor decision, like spending money or killing myself. + +As I’m typing this it seems like a healthy coping mechanism, but it drives me absolutely mad that I can’t just take care of my shit. + +Does anyone else do this? If so, does it bother you/how do you deal with it?",Never Going Home,2 +545,,"1 of works, nothing really exciting",2 +546,"I haven’t seen a lot of people on here talk about the rage that can come with mania. It’s genuinely terrifying to feel it and I assume for others to witness it. It’s gotten better with age for me, but I still have glimpses of that little pure rage goblin in my brain. What are your experiences, if you have them? I just like knowing i’m not alone with my symptoms.",Manic rage,2 +547,"After 3 years of choosing to not speak to my parents and going through a traumatic manic episode, I’m healing that relationship again. + +I was on FaceTime with them a couple days ago and they showed me a note my mother wrote in my baby book. For context my mother was undiagnosed bipolar at the time. + +The line that truly hit me during this writing was: + +“Life is not always kind and is always mysterious” + +Prophetic considering it’s something I feel like we can all relate to. I needed it at that point in time. Maybe my sharing will be something you need to hear as well <3",A Note From My Mother,2 +548,"I finally got my bachelor degree today. Im currently hypomanic right now and my mind is super annoying like i want to have sex with every girl that i know, and some anxiety but mostly im happy at the moment. After going through a lot of shit i finally got it. Yay.",graduate from college,2 +549,"43 F, was diagnosed with BP II at 34 years old. My parents definitely both have some type of undiagnosed mood disorders but Bipolar runs rampant on my father’s side. + +Currently taking 375mg Lamictal (extra 100 added because I use the Nuvaring), 900mg lithium, and 300mg of gabapentin. I had a pretty bad alcohol issue prior to January. I realized I went into mixed episodes when I mixed lithium and wine. So I switched to Whiteclaw and had no issues and now I just have not been drinking much. Like an idiot I was feeling relaxed the other night and thought it would be nice to have some wine to further calm down. Just had a glass. Last night, I drank the rest, and started getting super hopeless. + +My issues with bipolar lead to my husband telling me he wanted a divorce 2 months ago. I was struggling a lot in the second half of 2022. I was weaned off Lexapro after taking it for 8 years. Historically, i do not do well in periods of adjusting meds. I was getting better by early January as I stopped drinking wine. But then the divorce happened (not officially but no chance of reconciliation). + +My kids (13 and 15) knew he wanted a divorce before I did. They thought it was a good idea because of all of the fighting. My 13 year old still spends time with me but my 15 year old doesn’t even like being around me. I love spending time with them, and it’s the only thing that makes me remotely happy at the moment but they are just not that into it, which makes me less happy. + +I literally am so miserable. The only thing that I like doing is going to concerts. So I bought four concert tickets for shows over the next two months. I just don’t know how I can sustain being so depressed. I am a mid-level practitioner in a profession I can’t get out of because of a bias/ stigma against. I hate my job and it’s actually physically injuring me. I’m in $400K+ student loan debt ($120K being the actual loan, the rest as interest). I wasn’t aware that I had bipolar when I started professional college. My career requires an entrepreneurial mindset and this motivation fluctuates. I’ve tried applying for jobs outside of my profession but I know I’m qualified for and I am always rejected or looked over. + +I have no family or friends closer than 1000 miles that actually care about me. Just online friends. I live in a very expensive city near where my husband is from and cannot leave. + +I just feel like I exist to bring in a paycheck and give my kids rides or help them as needed. + +If you have gotten this far, thank you for reading. Would love any thoughts or advice.",I don’t know what to do…needing to vent,2 +550,"I have so much work and homework to do and I’m really struggling because everything just feels kind of fuzzy and confused. Probably because of the meds. + +I have a random ADHD medication left over from when I used to get those and I am trying to talk myself out of thinking I should maybe take that. Or some herbal pill that’s similar. + +Maybe I should have some tea or something. I hate that I have so much trouble functioning now. But I just need encouragement or support to not take something that might put me on a path to mania. I know I shouldn’t, but…",Can’t concentrate,2 +551,"We've all made questionable impulse purchases when manic or hypomanic. Some of these can be very negative and detrimental. But many of these can just be silly and just ""Why?"" + +So my question to you all is what is the silliest purchases you've made when manic or hypomanic? + +For example: I bought a pretty black sparkly violin on Amazon (It was on sale!). I don't play violin. I've never played violin. + +Or one time I went to Petco to look at fish. I left with a parakeet, bird cage, and all the fixins... We had three cats, all of them mousers. They would have murked that bird. It was returned the same day. + +So, do you have any silly innocent purchases that make you go ""But, why?"" that you would like to share?",Silly impulse purchases,2 +552,"When I am feeling down I am really not sure if it’s me, or my bipolar? Like how much control do I actually have over my emotional state I can’t really tell. It makes me feel confused cause when I ask friends and family for help they say things like “just pull ourself out of it... just make an effort to be happy” but like I am so down in the dumps that I can’t even get out of bed to pee sometimes. But am I just not trying hard enough? I am so lost. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough but I am taking my meds and trying my best not to make stupid decisions and that’s about all I can really do right now.. I feel so pathetic. I haven’t been going for walks because I’m too anxious to go outside, and I stopped listening to music because I can’t stand the sounds. And I even quit drinking 3 months ago but it’s not helping me feel less depressed. I’m just lost and sad and I feel so stuck like I will never be happy.",Not sure if it’s me or my condition? Or am I inseparable from it?,2 +553,,This song is everything right now. It’s pretty sad so just a heads up.. i heard it on tiktok& it’s a banger.. I relate to it a lot & I think some of you might like it. <3 lots of luv,2 +554,"The past few months I've been struggling with persistent suicide ideation and even attempted during a major depressive episode. But instead of saying ""it's just a symptom of your disease"" I would like to walk you through my thought process. + +1. The argument from circumstance. +Right now I am unemployed, with no realistic chance of getting a job. My resume is spotty, and the market I operated in pretty much collapsed. My memory, focus and cognitive skills are pretty much gone after having two psychoses in a year. A low skilled job almost always requires a drivers license, which I'm not capable of (I tried). Furthermore, I have a criminal record from the things I did during my psychosis, excluding me from most jobs in my field anyways. I'm lonely and have no support system (no friends or family that can offer any stability). Meaning that within a year or so I'll be forced to sell my house and eventually live on the streets. Homelessness is not a reason for suicide of course, nor is unemployment, but it's also something I'd rather not do. Yet it is almost unavoidable. + +2. The argument from harm. +My actions, whether in psychosis, depression, mania, anger, or just because who I am, have caused irreparable emotional and material damage. My continued existence is a danger to society, and will always incur tremendous cost (through health care, living on the streets, and I've had multiple encounters with the police during both manic and depressive episodes). While one could argue that all life is ultimately detrimental, in my case it's fairly obvious: I cause harm without being able to effectively control it, and I do not wish to cause any more harm. The self image of a calm collected person is a fever dream, in reality I'm just a unstable criminally psychotic mental health patient. + +3. The argument from hopelessness. +You might argue ""well maybe you'll find a job, some friends, maybe even love, and what you did in the past might not happen again"". Living on the streets is an adventure! Unfortunately, it might also not be the case. I've always had a pessimistic and depressed outlook, and whether that is caused by brain abnormalities or not almost seems irrelevant: life has always been a struggle, and I do not want to continue this struggle. It's hopeless, really, I just kinda fumbled my way into an impossible situation. + +4. The argument from despair. +Although perhaps a majority of people disagrees with the following: I believe society is on the brink of collapse, and within our projected lifetimes things will likely only get worse. Without going into the precise reasons for believing this, I feel like it's almost uncontroversial to say ""things are bad, and they'll get worse"". For the longest time I held a certain morbid curiosity for this ""lets see how this plays out"", but after my depressive psychosis (which was a traumatizing hell) I quite simply no longer have the desire to see it. + +5. The argument from meaning. +Commonly the argument against suicide goes ""what about the people you leave behind"". The two people I still have in my life pretty much said ""we get it, just make sure your affairs are in order"". So that's not a real argument for me personally. But in the abstract you might say ""you owe it to the world to do your best"" to which my mind always replies ""no"". I have nothing to contribute anyways, but if life is simply reduced to doing the meaningless bidding of others in order to perpetuate some bizarre notion of ""you must work to live, even if life is miserable"" then I simply refuse to play that game. But even if it is not miserable, which it will be (because my brain is broken), is life then simply some egocentric hedonism ""find pleasure in something"". I mean that's also a little bit of a hollow existence. Someone once said to me ""life just *is*"", there is no purpose or meaning to it, which is fair. But then not living really seems like a choice, and I can choose to stop it. + +6. The argument from personality. +Nobody likes a pseudo-intellectual climate activist with anti-capitalist tendencies that has a mental health disorder and will probably live on the streets. Especially not one that studied AI and philosophy. Especially not ... you can fill in all the stereotypes, feel free to pick the ones you hate the most. Now you might say ""just shut up then and be normal"", I quite literally can't. You can't just say ""change your personality"". I have seen so many death threats on social media, it's worrying in its own right. + +So that's it, that's the thought process. I'm just too tired, I have lived an acceptable life. I've known riches and wealth, love, and the depths of thought. But it's done. Life will always end, there is even some beauty in the idea that I get to pick when.",On suicide,2 +555,"I got diagnosed a week ago, as Bipolar Type 2. I've talked with my psychiatrist and my therapist a ton about the diagnosis, and it's definitely really interesting to see the way so many Bipolar symptoms align with my behaviors so well, and really explain my struggles. + +I don't know about everyone here, but I feel like my diagnosis has just felt so confusing. I feel happy that I finally have a diagnosis that feels accurate (I've been trying to figure out a diagnosis for about a year). I'm taking medication that I'm excited about, I feel really happy that my psychiatrist and therapist both think this diagnosis is 100% accurate. + +I just also feel so lost - like a part of me has been identified that has been ignored for so long. It's really strange to feel like no one has ever really questioned my behavior. I feel a little odd even just identifying with the Bipolar label, I feel like maybe I've made up my symptoms in my head. + +I guess just looking to see how other people felt after their diagnoses, and whether or not this kind of odd confused feeling goes away.",Diagnosed a week ago,2 +556,"I've been on wellbutrin for around 5 years, lamictal for three, and now am adding abilify. Wellbutrin stopped by zoloft-induced dissociative fugues, and Lamictal changed my life, tbh. I started taking it at around the same time as the first COVID lock downs, and the medication plus the chance to recognize (and indulge) my agoraphobia was huge. I used to have panic attacks and dissociative episodes every single time I tried going to grocery stores, restaurants, malls, or anywhere else crowded and overstimulating, and that's much less of an issue now. + +Three years later everything is still better, but I have a really hard time with task initiation/completion and do still have hypomanic episodes, scary intrusive thoughts, and constant suicidal ideation (that sometimes gets a little too active for comfort). I kinda thought I was doing fine, since it really is noticeably better than before, but during a recent appointment with my psychiatrist I was mentioning this and he asked if it was affecting my ability to work. I said no, but then almost immediately remembered how frequently I spend an entire day staring at my screen unable to think clearly enough to write, only to have anxiety attacks at the end of the day because I feel ‐ correctly - like I got nothing done and am bad at my job. (Logically, I know that I'm actually really good at my job, but ykwim). Then I end up working late and it compounds with everything else and I end up exhausted and can barely help with housework and things, and that then makes me feel like a terrible partner. (On the flipside, I think about how much better I feel now, and wonder how tf my partner stayed with me through all that - it'll be 8 years in a few months.) + +At this point, I'm already on 400mg of lamictal and 300mg of wellbutrin, so rather than increase the dose past the point of clinical evidence, my psychiatrist suggested trying abilify. It feels kind of rough to add another pill to the handful, since I'm also on other meds for other health issues, but I just really hope it works. I care a lot about my job and what I do and I really want to be able to be more helpful around the house, so I'm trying to be optimistic. Have any of y'all tried that mix? What was your experience? (thank you for reading through all this)","starting abilify, plus some venting",2 +557,"Do you start with apologizing to others? +Do you start with getting a new job? +Do you start with taking it one day at a time? +Do you start with reflecting back? +Do you start with ignoring what happened and focusing on the future? +Do you start with medication? + +Appreciate your support!",Where do you start after leveling out from a manic episode?,2 +558,"He goes in depth on his struggles with addiction. His struggles with depression. His struggles with existentialism and su$c$de ideation. His struggles with feeling isolated from those around him. + +His music is *dark*, and I don't know if there is even another artist who's music is darker. And to me this is comforting (It can get really dark in my mind) + +It feels so validating knowing that someone else went through this, and that I am not alone in this chaos","What musician validates the darkness of what you go through? For me, the musician is Mac Miller",2 +559,"Hey guys! I just wanted to stop by this forum (subreddit I guess) to say that the people on here were amazing in a really dark time of need for me. + +I hope you all are feeling content, loved and stable. + +An amazing song for me right now is Way Less Sad - AJR. The lyrics are very poignant.",A Quick Thank You,2 +560,"I lost my mother almost three years ago, and it is still weighing on my mind. i am having a really hard time with it. My mom was a drug addict my whole life and a type one bipolar and it finally took its toll. i was having a conversation with my dad just now about it because i needed support, and basically at the end of the conversation he told me to stop playing the victim, and then he went on a rant about "" instead of ""No one is supporting me, crying mommy issues, remember that you have a father that has always been there."" i feel so much worse after the conversation, like i dont have any right to mourn my own mother who left when i was five",Was my father gaslighting me?,2 +561,"I’m not sure what this is, and my searches for depersonalization and derealization don’t explain what I’m feeling. + +It’s as if the world isn’t real, like it’s a big simulation. I notice behavioral patterns in people around me that are predictable and consistent and then they do things that are out of pattern and can’t explain to me why they do it. I feel like it’s a glitch. I explain myself to people, how I feel about things, and they seem to understand and then completely disregard or even forget the conversation and go back on what they agreed to with no cares. I’ve realized they’re just moving in their own worlds and can’t really be interacted with in any significant way, like talking to an NPC in a video game. You get the same three responses. + +It feels like I am not real. None of this is. It’s just like a game or an experiment to interact with others at this point. Like I’m the only real human and this is world is all in my head. + +I feel numb and detached from others, like I’m watching them on a tv show. Characters. I had a conversation last night and someone was emotional about telling me how much they care about me as a friend and I was just.. observing and thinking it’s interesting, like reading a book or seeing a dramatic movie and I was playing along. I feel we are all just playing roles. And when I step outside of the roles, it upsets others, even when it means I’m just asking to have my needs met. Normally kind people will do the most apathetic things and then be confused if you ask them why they did that. Like they genuinely don’t know. + +TLDR I feel like none of this is real. Myself or others and we are all in a big simulation. I don’t feel like a real person.",TW depersonalization? Feeling like the world isn’t real,2 +562,Have you guys figured out a reliable way to deal with impulse buying? I forgot to take my meds for a week straight and impulsively bought a 1984 trans am... this is very not okay and I keep forgetting to take my meds even though I've been on them for over a year,more impulsive stuff,2 +563,"i absolutely ruined my career on impulse after staying up all night drinking alone. i literally cannot believe i did this. i just got a decent job that pays amazing, and it’s gone. i cannot believe i disappointed my family like this. unbelievable. + +i spent the night drinking heavily, chatting with random men (nsfw stuff) online to make me hate myself even more than i already do (i’m a lesbian, wtf???), crying hysterically for no reason, slept for one whole hour, woke up still drunk and then ended my career a few hours later when i got sober because i was 1000% convinced i was going to be fired for no reason. literally what the fuck. + +this was yesterday. i’m absolutely not coping, it hasn’t even really hit me and i’m really scared for when it does. the only reason i haven’t hurt myself as punishment is i don’t feel like i deserve even that relief. + +i’m still adjusting my meds (low doses of five meds, the plan is to consolidate and up the doses after). been struggling still with self destructive behaviors but this is so much worse than anything else i’ve ever done. + +i don’t even know if this is related to my bipolar disorder really, i’m sorry if this doesn’t fit here. this was the first place i thought to post.","do y’all know how to cope with making a horrible, life-altering, career-ruining, bridge-burning decision that disappoints everyone you know?",2 +564,"One of the first indicators that I'm about to have an episode (manic or depressive) is I stop cleaning. It's been that way since I was a kid.My parents were afraid I'd be a hoarder. When I moved back home, I hired a cleaning lady for my parents house because I didn't want to argue with them about my bedroom after coming home from work. It was AMAZING. When I moved out I didn't have the budget for her to come to my apartment. The first year couple of years I did great, but then I started grad school during the pandemic. I got overwhelmed quickly. I had enough in my budget to hire her and it's kept me healthy! She comes every 2 weeks. That motivates me to do laundry and throw away trash so it's not in her way. I wish more people could afford this as a mental health service.",Housekeeping Therapy,2 +565,"25 year old female, diagnosed at 18 and have been taking lithium on and off. + +Well... I went off my medications again for a few months. I went off when I was done with school receiving a certificate for my future career. Well, I felt fine, as I am not working currently so don't really have any stressors. Before I went fully off my medications I was not taking them consistently and I quit one of my jobs of 4 years, started a new one (during the time I bought a house and was moving) and quit that one after a few months. The anxiety was the thing that was my problem, I was having massive panic attacks, and just had this intense self hatred for myself which then diminished my self-confidence entirely. Especially after just throwing away my life. + +Well just recently, I got a job in the career I was going to school for for so many years... and after day 1 I quit because I had a major meltdown. Could not keep food and water down, was cold sweats and shaking anxiety, it took me back to last year when I also had a similar meltdown. But this time it was so intense and different. I hate myself for quitting a professional job the next freaking day. How embarrassing, I literally threw away everything and I feel I will never be able to go back again. I now am deeply depressed and anxious. Cannot eat, keep waking up in a panic. I wish I never went off my meds, maybe I would have never quit the job and stuck it out. I don't know what my problem is. I just started my meds again, I am only on lithium ER. I am currently seeing a psych doc and I have kept her out of the dark about going off my meds and how I have been taking them so inconsistently. I also want to go on the anxiety med she recommended buspar, but I refused to try it because I thought I could beat it myself.. bipolar symptoms I have more control over. I am not sure if this is a part of bipolar or just separate generalized anxiety. + +Now everyone in my life thinks I am lazy and just don't want to work. But I do, I just keep fucking up because I won't take my meds. My boyfriend is currently paying all the bills, we just bought a house, so we are living pay check to pay check and I am afraid he will end up leaving me because of this. + +I feel as if its the end of the world.",I just keep throwing away my life. I just don't know what to do anymore.,2 +566,"I love taking naps, but I have mixed results. Sometimes I feel better, but others I feel depressed and anxious. Would eliminating naps be a wise choice to help prevent episodes? Would like to hear y’all’s opinions and experiences with naps.",Thoughts on napping?,2 +567,"Pretty self explanatory. I was recently diagnosed by a therapist with Bipolar 1. I’ve been able to use the counseling center at my university after coming back from a year long leave of absence from my masters program (likely due to a manic episode that I hadn’t recognized as a manic episode at the time). I had initially come in with the goal to reduce my chances of burn out when I was diagnosed. She recommended I see a psychiatrist to get medicated. I’ve always been highly wary of being on medication for anything, especially long term. Long story short I left with a script for Depakote (500mg) to take once at night. I work overnights, I intern during the day and I have classes throughout the week. I fear that getting on this med will affect my productivity (can cause sleepiness/dizziness). I guess I’m still working through accepting my diagnosis. How do I go about asking for a different med that will better work for my ever-switching sleeping schedule? I haven’t even wanted to take the Depakote. Sometimes I wonder if the diagnosis is wrong and I fear messing my brain chemistry up more.",Recently diagnosed but hesitant to get medicated,2 +568,"I've been off of lamictal for a week now after developing mild rash symptoms. + +Interestingly, and unbeknownst to me, I noticed it had been changing my behavior. + +Since being off, I'm less irritable, more social, and more creative/funny. + +The downside is that my sleep schedule is now shit and that my swings are back to what they used to be (which isn't all that bad since my depressive swings have always been mild/moderate - it's the hypomania thats the slightly problematic one but I'm aware of when it's setting in). + +Don't really know how to proceed really because the trade offs don't really seem worth it for me. I Uber so I can drive when I want and the hypomanic impulsivity isn't really something I think I can't handle. + +Should I just go back to raw-dogging life? I just wish I had normal brain chemistry. Sleep hygiene is the biggest detriment but I feel like I'm giving up too much of myself for it.",Stopped lamictal and noticed how it was affecting me,2 +569,"I’m medicated and doing well but still get tired out and wish I had more energy and felt awake when I want to. Usually during the workweek I’m distracted enough that I don’t feel tired. On the weekends I’m consistently tired enough that I need a nap unless I’m super distracted by a task or social engagement. + +What more can I do? I go to bed at 9 or 10 pm and wake up at 6:30. I never feel rested and basically have to army-crawl out of bed. I follow every sleep hygiene tip out there (no caffeine after 2 pm, block out all light and sound) other than watching TV before bed (no phone/screen time IN bed though). + +I get a ton of exercise, at least 1 hour per day of walking my dog and walking to/from work. I also work a very physical job but it’s not my body that’s tired out, it’s sleepiness. + +I eat clean and quit eating refined sugars about 6 weeks ago. My “junkiest” food that I eat is probably sugar-free rice putting. No fried shit, no chips, no fast food, none of that. + +I also have ADHD but am not medicated for it (nothing has worked) and I’m on Seroquel but feel as tired as I did on 200 mg as I do on 100 mg. I’m sober and my only vice is vaping at the lowest concentration of nicotine. + +What else can I do? I’m well enough to actually develop new routines and standards and stick to them.",Non-Medication Mental Wellness Tips?,2 +570,"Yes, I'm in a down right now. I can't focus, my motivation is terrible at home and at work, my energy is low, my memory is bad, I've been irritable to those that love me. Work is piling up and the house is starting to get messy. This is stressing me out. It's Sunday and I haven't got anything done yet. + +I always think about the time between my big first episode and my 2nd one, when I was able to function perfectly fine without meds. I was happier. I didn't fall into deep depressions every few months. I didn't have mania or psychosis. Bipolar didn't really exist then. + +Is this just the price to pay for medication that will prevent a major psychosis or mania? If it is, I don't think I can keep it up.",I felt better for the 10 years I didn't take meds. Now I'm just getting depressive episodes on meds,2 +571,"Now, don't get me wrong, I love my meds. They keep me stable and have kept me mostly stable (adjustments needed to be made) for about five years now. But sometimes it's so overwhelming having to take them. Like last night, I was just thinking about how many meds have I taken in my (short) lifetime and how I'll have to do this for the rest of my life. And looking at my boyfriend, who barely needs a headache tablet once every six months, I can't help but feel annoyed that I have to deal with this + +I'm also moving countries at the end of the year, and the idea of having to find a new gp/psychiatrist who can prescribe me meds, and having to ensure I take enough meds so I have the chance to find one is also a lot to deal with, and also costly. + +I love my meds, and I have my stability, my quality of life and my achievements to thank them for, but man, the fact I have to take them annoys me sometimes.",Meds rant,2 +572,"I'm not sure how I'm feeling to be honest. +I feel odd, weird, strange. As well as restless and on edge, my hands are shaking and I feel like I'm waiting for something. +I went out for a walk and was feeling nervous, everything looked the same as always but felt kind of fake, as if it were a simulation or something. I kept looking at the license plates of cars passing by, and they all called to me in some way or another. I can't explain it but they all seemed to have special numbers related between them. I started writing them down and when I got home I analized them and I have the feeling they're all connected, and they've all got something about them individually. +It's so weird but I can't shake this feeling. + +What is going on? I don't particularly feel any mood disturbances, just a little up and down, but nothing abnormal I don't think. + +I just feel unsteady.",Feel strange,2 +573,"I've been in a depressive episode for as long as I can remember. Been prescribed SSRIs, which only made me feel like a zombie. I recently switched docs, and this one prescribed generic Latuda, which I've been on for a little over a week now. Everything just feels so hopeless, and I'm scared that I'll never feel happy again. All I do is work (I hate my job) and sleep. I used to enjoy reading and playing video games, but nothing sounds fun anymore. I'm in a constant state of exhaustion, even after sleeping for 11-12 hours at a time. My apartment looks like a bomb went off in it, but I just don't have the energy to care or do anything about it. I barely have enough motivation to get up in the morning. I just want to feel normal again, but it feels unattainable. Just needed to get it off my chest. Thank you for reading this.",Tired of being tired,2 +574,"I very recently got engaged and I think I'm getting manic. Atm I'm having barely any appetite, intense anxiety, and insomnia. What are you guys' warning signs? How do I deal with this?",What are your warning signs of oncoming mania?,2 +575,"I am exhausted. I have spent years trying to present as this “normal” that people so strive for. I have a tendency to experiencing rapid cycling moods and sometimes not. Sometimes I get to experience long intervals of depression. Sometimes I go on a 3 week manic bender. Through all of these ups and downs, I have to consistently work to survive. Yet, when I need a leave of absence, I get told my job cannot be guaranteed. The funny part is this industry has horrible job retention. Well, it’s because they pay shit and treat you like shit and make you do the job of 3-4 departments but do not increase your pay and all the roles get looped into a miscellaneous tasks section in the job description. What hurts most is the way colleagues talk about people with mental health disorders like they’re an annoying object. “This bipolar mom…” “this un medicated dad..” “if they would just take their meds”. I have been in a manic episode where I had to go home because the impulses were going to overcome my civility. Why is there no room for me? I chose this field to help. Yet no one here wants to help. We are supposed to be professionals not letting out bias skew our service. Yet I see the attacks and I feel them for these clients too. That’s me. I am on that side. No one knows… I mask so hard and I am done. I’m burnt. I’m tired. I am losing my shit. I am in a bad low and I cannot keep up the charade. Being myself shouldn’t be this hard. Society needs to change. Okay, I’m done ranting.",Defeat,2 +576,About six years ago I moved back home to take care of my mom with dementia. I was the best chose because I was on disability and had been stable on medication and off probation for a couple of years. The first couple of years weren't so bad she still talked and could walk on her own. I was there to make sure she had lunch took her pills and didn't wander off. Now she's bedridden dosent talk and it's and a struggle to eat. I take two mood stablers and two atypical antipsychotics plus a benzo. I still stuck in painful mixed state. I've have two short hospital stays in the last 9 months. I don't know what to do I promised my stepdad I would see it though with mom but every day just seams to adds more agitation. I feel like someone is pouring molten lead down my throat. I hate breaking my word. My step dad has a little more than a year before he can retire. My meds keep me out of full Mania but the mix state aggravated by stress is really starting to get to me but I can't let my family down.,Horribly stuck,2 +577,,From my trip: Switzerland; Blausee,2 +578,"He's 21, he's been struggling with angry issues and bipolar for many years. Refuses therapy tried some that didn't work so now refuses all. These is so much on could go into - but right now I just need to know what to say to him. He went manic today and there was a huge fight, then he told me, I started sobbing, told him I'm so sorry I didn't know - it was the son of a ex friend (for other reasons) who had been a sister to me my while life, an aunt to him, her son was about a year older. I'm guessing this was grade school, I don't know any details after that he went to his room. I've tried to tell him in here and checking on him but I don't know what to say. Saw him after and asked him what I could do and he said leave him alone. He's had a friend over today thankfully they are watching sports, grilling, whatever, in the basement. What do I do when his friend leaves? How do I talk to him what do I say? He is going to refuse help. He said that we are the worst parents we never taught him anything and don't listen to him and we hate him and lie to him. I know that he gets manic and the anger takes over, he had said in the past he wishes he was dead. But not recently enough to have him committed for help. He'd never forgive me for that anyway. My husband and older son are away this weekend. So it's just the 2 of us. I can't stop crying, I'm devastated and I feel like I did this to him because I dropped him off over there or she would pick the kids up from school and I'd pick him up later. I failed my son, I don't know how to help him, how is this our life - what do I do now + +Edit to add I am bipolar as well and i am medicated and have therapy twice a month. But he still thinks I don't know anything about it.",Just found out my son was molested as a child,2 +579,This is always something I've been stumped about whenever I do mood tracking. How do you log your tracker if you're manic or experiencing/feeling some delusional ideation? How are you sure if your mood tracking is accurate during these states? I've seen many mood trackers esp in the bipolar community... I don't know how to accurately track your feelings when you're in these moments. I still have difficulty differentiating/seeing my elevated moods or disordered thinking.,"To anyone who journals or tracks their mood, how do you log mania/delusional ideation?",2 +580,"Do you find it effective when not in mania or depression, and do you find it effective when either of these states are in effect? I would be interested to know especially if you find it useful during the peaks when it feels that the effects of bipolar have taken over.","Has anyone had CBT? If so, how did you find it?",2 +581,"I’m diagnosed bipolar I. +I feel like it seems most people with this disorder are high energy and hyperactive at baseline but I’ve never been that way. I’ve always been low energy until recently when my symptoms really started to show. Is that low energy going to go away? Just wondering if anyone is the same way.",Are most people with bipolar high energy?,2 +582,,Inspired by your average bipolar feelings of longing regardless of which pole,2 +583," +What causes this exactly? What causes the brain to respond to situations in this manner? Or is it just from the long-term brain trauma? + +Have they ever done any studies on this particular topic? I’ve never come across it when doing my research",Why do people with bipolar have higher than average suicide rates?,2 +584,"Hey, everyone. I recently received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder (way back in September). Even with this, I was in denial, but now I'm accepting that I need to take the lamotrigine perscribed to me. It's all new and scary. I still don't know which one I have, so I will ask in my follow-up. But I'm ready to tackle this issue I've been dealing with for years. Sometimes I still doubt myself and think that it's normal depression. Is this common to feel that way? I'm in my head a lot, get distracted easy when I know I have a job to get done, and cry easily when upset or get triggered fairly quickly even when I promise myself to hold it together. I'm also wondering how the pills will make me feel. If anyone can give me insight on how their treatment has been working for them, that would help me not feel so lonely. Thanks in advance. 🙂",Recently Diagnosed,2 +585,"Am I the depressed girl who never wants to get out of bed and doesn’t want to be around. Am I the girl who dreams of freedom and new life? Who feels hopeless and life will end up going nowhere. I’ll always be a statistic. + +Am I the girl who loves everything and can feel music. The girl who wants to write books and get a career. The girl who obsesses. + +I don’t feel like I have an identity. All I am is an illness.",Do you ever feel like you don’t know who you really are?,2 +586,"The forest is peaceful, being able to hear the leaves blowing in the wind. The creek dribbling down gives me reminder of how the world continues to flow. A reminder of how the world keeps going, an example of how I need to keep continue moving forward. The world is beautiful, giving me the strength to be inspired to keep flowing as the river and growth of the world. Giving myself the opportunity to watch the banana trees grow and allow myself to grow with them. The path is wet but continuing my journey because not everything is perfect. To allow myself to accept the imperfect things around me. My shoes are wet from the path but I continue anyways. Absorbing the beauty of my journey with and pushing through anyways. It will be worth it when I reach my destination. Understanding not everything cannot be perfect at all times and accepting things will be ok. Refocusing my mind on the beauty instead of complaining of the walk, or my soggy shoes. Focusing on the beauty of the walk of life and connecting to the earth of my ancestors. Being able to focus on the positivity and not the negativity. Remembering not all walks of life will seem to be perfect. But focusing on the things that will bring me up. Looking at the trees and being thankful I have had the opportunity to enjoy my surroundings. Remembering to be thankful for what I have been able to experience instead of focusing on the little things that would make me uncomfortable. Thank you for letting me change my outlook. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy the peace. Thank you to my ancestors for bringing me back to peace. Thank you for allowing me to understand this is not the end.",Grounding myself,2 +587,Ever since I drank a whole bottle of cheap disgusting vodka during my overdose I’ve been getting the horrible taste in my mouth quite often. Is it a hallucination or a physical problem caused by drinking so much? I haven’t touched alcohol since the overdose which was late January. The taste makes me feel sick it tastes exactly like it did when I was forcing the disgusting vodka down my throat. Thanks.,Can you hallucinate taste?,2 +588,"I have bipolar one and my mom had it too, along with heavy drug use. She left when I was five. We had an on and off relationship (I tried) until I was 22. She died almost three years ago (April 1st will be three years) and it still hits me heavy. My question is, is three years still a “recent loss”? According to my psych it is apparently. What do u guys think?",How long is this gonna take?!,2 +589,"Was on my cocktail for about a year and a half and slowly tapered myself off with no good reason the last year. I didn’t tell my doctor and have just been picking up my scripts anyways. I decided to get back on tonight. I halved my pills and I’m ready for the fix it’ll set me back on next month. + +I already feel the yucky in my belly + +25(f) just needed to share my secret",Fell of meds for a year,2 +590,"I’ve tried everything to make life manageable. I’ve been through 3 doctors, been emitted, TMS and ketamine therapy, everything. This has being going on for the past 5 years, and to no avail have things gotten better. I’m currently on Zoloft, lithium and lamictal, but I don’t know how much they are helping if I feel like shit all the time. Ketamine felt great in the moment, but nothing long term. All 3 psychiatrists have run out of options for me, and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that things will never get better.","Running out of treatment options, I have no hope anymore.",2 +591,"How do you deal with irritation to certain sounds? Is it part of bipolar? I get easily irritated from chewing, repetitive deep sounds, ringing sounds, and a list of other sounds. I do not know how to ask people to stop making such sounds. Any insight would be appreciated!",How do you deal with irritation from certain sounds (Misophonia)?,2 +592,"This is me venting? Help any advice helps! + + + +I’ve been diagnosed with BD type 1 for two years and when I got diagnosed it made so many things from my childhood make sense. +I was always so “emotional and dramatic” and known as being a “cry baby” basically my entire life. To be completely honest I truly think I’ve always been bipolar (genetically not necessarily an environmental effect-although my environment didn’t help but cause more spark to the fire) +Anyway, I’m 27 now and I’ve decided to discontinue birth control. I currently take the pill and have the nexplanon. The combination of the two seemed to help for about five months but since having the nexplanon I have gained so much weight and have become more noticeably irritable. My episodes are more drastic and scare not only myself but others around me. Along with that my depression has gotten worse and pet of that is because of the weight of gained-it makes me so mad. I’ve tried dieting and exercising extensively. I have been told that a k eto diet helps manage symptoms of BD-not sure how true tha is. But I did do the diet for about two months and I dropped weight quick and get on top of the world. Thinking back on it now idk if that top of the world feeling was me having an episode. +I few like my BD has been managed quite well but of course I struggle day to day. +Everyone here knows how dark bad days can be, you know how it can be. It’s scary as fuck! +I want to be healthier with minimal medication and I feel like that means no more birth control. I’m hoping it helps me lose weight and decrease my depression. +I also want to start a family but it worries me that my children could possibly have BD like me. No one is immune to pain and suffering but man having a mental diagnosis sure makes things a hell of a lot harder. + + + +Edit: the only reason I’ve taken birth control is because my cycle is extremely irregular. Sometimes I have it every day for months at a time to having it very painfully for a day or two. All birth control I’ve used has helped for about two months until it seems to have no effect on my body. The last birth control I was using was the pill along with the nexplanon. The combination of the two seemed to help for about five months.",SCARED TO BE A PARENT,2 +593,"So for the last few months every night while i'm falling asleep like hypnagogic state, i feel pain go through my whole body it hurts so bad but it almost feels fake because if i sit up and wake myself up it goes away and i feel sensation round my neck like tingly like someones hands around it and i hear voices in my head laughing and saying weird things that don't make sense and then like a couple minutes after being asleep i jump up screaming and run to my door and then i go lay back down fall asleep and it repeats a few times then i finally sleep, does this mean anything and how can i stop it?",something weird with my sleep,2 +594,"Sounds like a ""duh"", I know. I know I'm bipolar. I got off my meds and it's been 2 or 3 weeks I think... Some part of me figured if I was gonna lose it I'd lose it instantly I guess. So I didn't notice when the impending sense of doom came back.. does anyone else feel like you're holding your breath waiting to breath but the breathing never comes and it's slowly crushing you?? Between that I've started to believe something bad is gonna happen to me. I can physically feel I'm not interpretting the world the way I used to on my meds... I think I might be a smidge psychotic without my anti-pychotics. I know I need to get back on my meds, this is the first I've made this mistake,... guess I wanna know I'm not alone.",I came to the realization I'm mentally ill,2 +595,"I am 26 (F) who has been recently diagnosed with BD. I am figuring out how am I with it, what are my triggers, ways to cope and live with it. +I have noticed that when I am agitated, low on concentration and focus coffee puts me back on track. Of course it triggers anxiety that's a down side but the boost that it gives to my thinking ability is something. +I cannot stop talking about my ideas, my thoughts and views on things after it. (This post is a result of it too) + +Now, my question is since I am new to all this. Is feeling like this okay or coffee triggers my mania and I should completely stop having it. + +Ps: I have read on the internet that caffeine is bad for people who have BD.",Caffeine!?,2 +596,"My psych wanted me to quit smoking weed for two weeks to see if my symptoms are weed related or if it’s my meds. So I switched to a nicotine vape for the time being because I somehow still get a nicotine high. I noticed yesterday that my anxiety was getting going and then this morning when I woke up I had to get out of bed my anxiety was so bad. Do u think nicotine can bring out anxiety, I have type one bipolar and GAD and psychosis",Well this is new,2 +597,"I get great benefits at my job, including paid time off that accrues every pay period, so in theory I should be able to bank quite a bit of it. Unfortunately I've already used almost all of my PTO because of a surgery and a major depressive episode, plus days when I can't leave the house to go to work. I had to leave work today and I feel like shit about it, I know I'm probably going to have to make it up next week, and that stresses me the fuck out. Most people I work with never take their PTO, never seem to have a sick day. I try really hard to be a good employee but my absenteeism can't be good. My management is super understanding and supportive but I still feel like shit about it. It's not a super important job in the scheme of things so it's not like I'm really hurting my workplace by taking time off, but I really want to keep this job for a while. I hate that I'm always anxious that this time will be the time they finally fire me.",Always out of PTO because of this stupid disorder,2 +598,I always find myself having a very bad time at work ( customer service/retail). Basically I've been put as a manger for 2 weeks to fill in for my boss who's off. I find myself stressing 24/7 abkut work even when im not at work. When im at work im on the verge of crying and having a breakdown. Today I had to leave work early because of this and I feel fuckkng terrible about doing so. Does anyone else have these sorts of issues? Do you feel bad about them?,Work issues,2 +599,"They would do something very stupid like so minor but for some reason I get so triggered and I can’t stand them at all. + +Usually I feel this amount of annoyance towards my mom but recently it’s towards my friends + +I can’t stand my best friend right now and I’m avoiding her because I know I’ll be very rude to her if we talked + +Anyone else faces this problem ?",I just randomly can’t stand people,2 +600,"I started last year off with a lil mania + marijuana-induced psychosis, then a fat depression Feb-May, manic in June, depresso again in July, ssri-induced Mania in August, manic thru october and Nov despite lamotrigine, end of December Mania, mid-Jan SSRI-induced mixed mania, and im just coming out of a february long depresso + +i think im rapid cycling or cyclothymia as indicated by my first psychologist but i swear its just getting worse + +now on lamotrigine 200mg, lurasidone 40mg( 1 wk now ), and doc told me to up to 300mg lamotrigine but im literally gonna go bald at this rate so im holding off",how many episodes do you guys have per year?,2 +601,"I have been in such a bad depressive episode since I lost my last job. Like, rotting in bed bad. But I started lamictal in February and have been slowly working my way up, and I feel like as i’m working my way up i’m feeling better :-) I hope it’s not mania creeping up on me, thats always a worry of mine. I don’t particularly feel manic, still depressed but able to do chores and get a new job!",It feels like my meds are helping!,2 +602,,Feeling Misunderstood,2 +603,"And they were right. Here’s the deal…months of little to no sleep, have lost 60 pounds in an unhealthy way, can’t focus, mind racing, sometimes pleasant, often not. + +Don’t want weight gain. Triggers depression, more dangerous for me. + +Have tried Seroquel. Helped me sleep. Made me prediabetic cause it makes food so gawddamn delicious. Turned me into a zombie. + +Any suggestions for what to try? As the sober communities say, my life has become unmanageable.",They told me I couldn’t stabilize without meds!,2 +604,,"I made this, I hope you like it :)",2 +605,"I am active in this colum for 2 weeks. Diagnosed 3 years ago. BPAD, ADHD, NDS. I have a 500$ exam in an hour. Getting dressed. Only 1 attempt. Had to borrow money for this. In Kind of depressive episode (usual for me in summers). However Methylphenidate has uplifted mood. Please wish me luck. God bless you all. Will keep you posted.",Hi All.. Good morning /afternoon /day.,2 +606,,Dancing With the Spirits of The River (Another drawing inspired by my experience with psychosis),2 +607,"So I have yet to meet with my psychiatrist to confirm my diagnosis but it's looking quite likely that I'm living with bipolar II. + +Over the past few months I've experienced my first full-blown manic episode, with all the characteristic symptoms. + +Now I'm back in a really bad depressive state. Nevertheless, I've really been treated like shit over the past few months by some people who were once friends. In the past, I'd have been very meek and mild and probably would have let such behaviour slide. But over the past month or so, I've been very confrontational about the way I've been mistreated. + +I also went to the annual general meeting of a society I used to be president of, and called them out for their causal homophobia, misogyny, racism etc. + +These are things I wouldn't have considered doing in the past - I'd have been far too anxious and frankly conflict avoidant. Now that fear has gone and I see willing to embrace confrontation when I've been wronged. + +Is this just a sign of personal growth or have others experienced a surge in confrontational behaviours as well? + +Thanks guys and love to you all",Suddenly really confrontational?,2 +608,"I had been with this girl since high school, we started a family together, 8 years into our life together she had enough of me being a stoner we had a big fight over it + +Im going to rehab to deal with some trauma linked to my sex and drug abuse problems but she’s not prepared to give me a chance to get better and support me, I never really did anything wrong she just doesn’t like weed + +I gave everything to this girl and made a lot of positive improvements over the years but she told me she can’t handle my mental illness and that she loves me but needs to focus on herself + +The fact that she is a really good nurse is tearing me up because she loves caring for people but im too much for her, it hurts to know that someone can just leave over an uncontrollable mental illness",Relationship over - I’m too crazy,2 +609,i’ve been with my new psychiatrist for a few months now and she’s so precious like absolutely wonderful. i’ve been thinking for a while that i could be on the spectrum and i just want to know if i am definitively or not. idk how i should go about bringing it up esp since we already have a host of disorders to deal with rn. i’m kinda scared to ask for an evaluation tho cus what if she doesn’t agree or smt i just don’t want to feel uncomfortable thinking abt it is making me anxious,asking for an autism evaluation,2 +610,"hi! first reddit post like ever i think haha. i'm 19 and was diagnosed with bipolar 1 when i was 16 after the classic ssri trigged manic episode. i am on medication and regularly attend dbt therapy both in group format and with a private therapist. treatment disclosure aside i am really just looking for anyone to use their more lived experiences as some advice for how to date while living with bd. + +i know it can get better and that letting one's self get caught into the spiral of feeling like you're doomed just becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, but the constant cycle of being a guys' ""dream girl"" simply because i'm manic and down to do whatever (little does he know i only view him as an awkward sidekick until i start slipping back down into depression) only to be told i'm a little much soon as i begin feeling depressed again. there's many other questions and anxieties i have regarding letting myself be loved but that might make this post a little too long :>0 + +on a separate note whether or not i am sad i got dumped again, i can be happy daylight savings happened and i can now relish in the extra sunlight. plus in addition to lithium i had armodafinil added to my regimen and it has helped immensely with my adhd and i am in the process of titrating lamotrigine which i am hopeful will help even more.",does dating get any easier???,2 +611,"How are you supposed to tell somebody, be it a mental health provider or a friend to confide in, that you’d rather be dead than have to live with bipolar disorder? I’m NOT suicidal. I’m just exhausted. The help I’ve received has been minimal at best. My original diagnosis was 10+ years ago, and the treatment was and still is a joke. + +I was never the best patient, but my doctor told me that I was the bipolar poster child. + +I lived at home with my single mother, who moved to a different apartment at least once a year. She was a victim of domestic violence. The incident occurred around 2004, and this man (the abuser) played a minimal role in her life in the following 13 years. Even though he’s out of her life completely now, she will still “play the victim card”, as she’s likely consumed by thoughts of the event. That being said, she refuses to confront her trauma. She played little to no part in helping me get any help for my mental illnesses or her own. + +Due to constantly moving, when I could get any kind of professional treatment, it was never long lasting. I wasn’t able to stay in therapy/psychiatry and I surely wasn’t able to stay on a medication long enough to tell if it was beneficial or not. This led to episodes of mania and depression that then led to hospitalizations that shattered my trust in everyone. + +My mother moved out of the apartment we lived in when I was 17. From that time until I was 20, I rapidly cycled through manic, hypomanic, psychotic manic, and crippling depressive episodes with great intensity. I wasn’t able to tell where the mania ended and the depression began. I was mostly manic, which meant I didn’t need treatment because I felt like a god; completely untouchable. I got arrested, lost my job, and totaled my car. My mother had put me up in my own one-bedroom apartment. After losing my job, I didn’t have any income with which to pay my rent. I lost the apartment, too, and ended up homeless. + +I started to get back on my feet with a lot of help from friends, family, and my boyfriend at the time. I started self-medicating with cannabis and the symptoms actually started to subside for a little while. I certainly won’t say that it’s an effective treatment method for bipolar disorder because I was still cycling, but I wasn’t moving through episodes so quickly. For the past 5 years, I’ve noticed annual depressive episodes with shorter, less severe hypo/manic episodes. + +I currently have a psychiatrist whose not willing to give me anything other than Abilify and Hydroxyzine, which is basically just Benadryl, but at least it helps me sleep at night. +I’m on the waitlist for therapy, with no openings in the next 90 days, at least. +I have a stable job, steady income, a car, and a place to live. I try to get to the gym 3 times a week. I do yoga almost every day. Things should feel better, but they don’t. + +I’m tired of taking care of myself. I’m tired of babying my mental health. I’m tired of trying to learn about bipolar disorder on my own because nobody ever educated me about my diagnosis. I do not have it in my anymore to keep doing all of this.","To preface, this probably belongs only in a diary or in the depths of the folds in my mind… This might be a mess.",2 +612,"I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar since I was 18 I spent over a year in and out of hospital until they came to the conclusion of Bipolar Disorder II. My mood swings are rapid and hard to control I’m currently on + +- sodium valproate +- lamotrogine +- catapres +- Lamitan + +I’ve read a book to understand my diagnosis better but I still struggle every day. I’ve lost 3 jobs in the past 12 months due to mood swings into an irritable mood causing me to just leave when I’m feeling overwhelmed or on the other hand getting really depressed and breaking down at work. Feels like bipolar is taking over my life. I can’t find a psychologist that I can work with. My psychiatrist just keeps tweaking my dose. Medication isn’t gonna be the fix to all my problems I’m still always gonna have rapid mood swings. Anyone able to help me with any coping strategies or how they keep up with their mood swings?",Bipolar Struggle,2 +613,"I don’t tell anyone this, only my immediate family and one other friend knows. We were talking about one of our mutual friends who also struggles with mental health and I told her that I’m bipolar. She said, “Oh, that makes sense.” I’m more stable than I have been in years so hearing that was just like damn. Is it that obvious? How do people normally react when you tell them?",Told my close friend I am bipolar,2 +614,"Hey everyone & happy Saturday 🫶🏼 I hope you’re taking care of yourselves. + +I’ve been struggling a LOT with irritability lately. I can still control myself but I pick up arguments with my parents, I get mad and annoyed easily and it’s starting to affect my relationship to my bf as well. I don’t want to ruin anything because I really care about the people in my life. I am self aware and I know that I need to work on it but I’d like some insight or some advice from fellow bipolar people. Thanks a lot 💜",Irritability in relationships,2 +615,"Hi friends. Newly diagnosed bipolar 2 homie. + +Long story short, after months of therapy my therapist and psychiatrist came to the conclusion 2mo ago that I have bipolar 2 and that I’ve def had manic episodes before. + +But I didn’t know they were happening so like, I don’t know if I’m having one or not? I don’t know what they’re like. Will I know I’m manic when I’m manic? + +I’m EXTREMELY energetic. I was with some friends I don’t see very often today due to long distance and I could not stop fucking talking. Like thinking about the day I’m so embarrassed. I had a date with my partner Friday night (2nd day on adderall) and he said I was completely fucking wired and I know I didn’t stop talking. Also embarrassing. + +I didn’t sleep Friday night and it’s Sunday morning 2AM now. I am broke and no job rn so no bad spending habits but definite problem in the past. I did ask my best friend for money for a weird idea and she knows what’s going on with me so just said let’s talk about it next week (when I’m hopefully not probably manic). + +I just feel like I wanna do 5 million projects but all I can do when I’m by myself is scroll Reddit and like, fucking talk to myself, listen to music, Google weird things and make really long weird notes on my notes app for people. + +I can’t actually like clean my house or anything like I feel like I want to. + +My doc recently put my on 5 mg Adderall for ADHD too. I’m wondering if this is affecting it this weird energy, talkativeness and sleeplessness? It’s Sunday and I started it Thursday. + +I’m just really lost and don’t know if I’m manic and what to do about it. I’m on Abilify and prozac and it’s helping me have more normal moods but like I said I still don’t know what to expect during mania and know it’s still going to happen on those meds. + +Also, how often can mania happen generally? Is this hypomania? I’m just lost and don’t know how this stuff works. No one has educated me enough on it. + +Pls help .. I’m desperate :’)",Am I manic/hypomanic? Pls help!,2 +616,"Feels like if I don't live my life as some sort of tortured artist, my mental illness will be for nothing and my life will be a sham and ill be nothing but a victim to my own delusions, + +idk tho",How I feel about it all,2 +617,"After having many manic episodes (which I tried to hide), I was diagnosed with bipolar 1. Rapid cycle. Mixed state mania. All that jazz... + +What I experience doesn't seem to be consistent with what many other people feel. Before a full blown manic episode I feel great, all my problems melt away and I hardly sleep at all. This makes sense to me. Once I pass that phase, things become very extreme. I can only describe it as absolutely excruciating, like being in hell. Like I'm on a ton of amphetamines and the most extreme anxiety I have ever experience. It never stops or takes a break. I never sleep or even sit down. All I can do is pace around my house all day and night for days on end. My heart is beats out of my chest the entire time. It breaks me and I'll do anything for relief. The last time I was manic, after taking seroquel for a few days, it brought me down to a point where I felt like I was on cocaine all the time. That I could attleat tolerate. + +Does anyone else have horrific manic experiences?? This doesn't seem to be consistent with everything I've read, and it's been bothering me for years. I'd appreciate any input. Thanks! + +&#x200B; + +On a positive note, I haven't had a manic episode for almost a year. 300mg of lamotrigine does a great job keeping me down. Vraylar was very effective as well, but the side effects were more than I could handle. I now take bupropion for depression which almost pushed me into mania once when I was on a lower dose of lamotrigine. Before I was diagnosed, prozac pushed me into the worst manic episode I had ever experienced.",Excruciating manic episodes. Is this normal?,2 +618,I had an rough start to daylight savings but seemingly stable. today i had my doctors appointment and my hair appointment which were both positive experiences and from then on i was go go go. hard to sit still. i eventually drove 1.5hr to my parents house and my mom mentioned that i seem kind of borderline manic - i trust her when it comes to bipolar and something clicked that she was right. so of course on my drive home i’m having this realization. i was angry and irritated and i’m nervous so i texted my doctor incase. Any kind words are appreciated 🥺🥺,mixed emotions - disclaimer: doctor has been weaning me off my citalopram,2 +619,I have definitely noticed a lot of changes in my mood and the way i treat others and others have seen my growth too. I actually want to be productive and be a functioning member of society but there’s a part of me that wants to self destruct. There’s this voice telling me to stop taking them and i’m afraid of what’s going to happen if i actually do stop. does this happen to anyone else?,Meds are helping but i want to stop taking them,2 +620,,"[OC] I cant always tell what’s real and what’s not. Depending on my state of mind, what I depict may not be reality at all. In depression or mania, I can never truly be sure of what’s real and what’s not.",2 +621,"I developed a serious problem with my tobacco use last year. I used to smoke about half a pack a day fairly reliably, but in the wake of a very stressful cross-country move, my consumption spiked to 20-25 smokes a day and I haven’t been able to get it back down yet. I have BP1 with psychotic features and my own therapist said he doesn’t know anyone with a psychotic mood disorder that doesn’t smoke, so I’m not sure if actually quitting is in my future. I’ve tried before using patches and after two weeks I felt like I had a rabid rat scratching around in my head. However, I do think getting back to half a pack or less is doable. My current plan is two-fold: replace some of my daily smokes with nicotine gum, and instead of having the whole pack with me out on the porch where I smoke, I keep them inside and only take 2 with me outside. When I’m done I’ll set a phone timer for 2 hours and not smoke until it goes off. Hopefully this will get me down to around 15 or less a day at which point I’ll either smoke every 3 hours or only have one at a time (perhaps both!). My therapist is a big fan of the harm reduction method of dealing with substance use. Yes, I know that any smoking at all is bad for me, but so is completely losing my mind and raging: it’s a balance. + +Does anyone have any thoughts regarding my plan or any additional tips that may be helpful? I’ve been smoking since I was a teenager (now 51) so it’s a deeply ingrained habit. I know I can break habits because I recently stopped smoking weed all day, every day after 29 years, though I still sometimes have a tiny edible at night to help with sleep and bad dreams. Grateful for any advice or support anyone has to offer.",any tips for reducing tobacco use?,2 +622,"I just accepted a job offer yesterday for a new job I will be starting in a couple of weeks. This will be my first ""adult,"" full-time job so I'm feeling pretty excited and a little nervous at the same time. I wanted to reach out and ask if anyone has any tips when it comes to starting a new job for people on the bipolar spectrum since we face unique challenges. How have you found success? What do you wish you did differently?",How to find success starting a new job with bipolar disorder?,2 +623,"Does anyone use a steroid inhaler for any pulmonary issues? I have severe asthma, unmedicated for years. Now I can no longer get enough air into me. It feels like I have to gasp. Anywho, I have to go back on an inhaler. Which really helps, but It never dawned on me that inhalers use steroids. Which is the number one drug that will put bipolar into mania. I was wondering if this includes the inhaled type. I wanted to check if anyone here uses the inhaler, or if someone had any info. to relay. Any experiences, knowledge, or tidbits would be great, and appreciated. Thank you 😊","Asthma Flovent HFA inhaler, looking for any knowledge.",2 +624,"Today has been one of the worst days in a long time. Out of so many countless times I have wanted to just give up and end it, I kept going. Thought I was getting a loan so I could get out of debt and actually have some money to get things I desperately need since I haven’t worked in over 5 months and have had $0 since. I recently got a lawyer to try and get SSI and last week I finally found out how to apply for General aid since months ago the welfare office wouldn’t tell me how to and kept saying they only had it for families. So the loan company that pretty much got all of my info and bank turned out to be scammers and Citibank is absolute trash and their fraud department is shit. So if I wasn’t already experiencing enough stress and severe depression life decided to give me that too. Then today Sunday I have been looking forward too because I was finally going to see my FwB that I haven’t seen in quite some time and I really like him/fallen for him. And even more excitement was besides just hooking up he invited me to AX throwing so I just felt so giddy but he informed me tonight that he had to cancel due to something about his ex/custody issues. So here I am completely broken in every way and tired to keep living. I really can’t keep trying/going. I need to get off of this ride called life…. 😞",Can’t take it anymore,2 +625,"Hi everyone, + +I was just wondering if type 2 people can have issues with spending too much money or if that is exclusively type 1? I don’t think I’m hypomanic right now. I think it was just overstimulation—I went to a local comicon with my brother. I didn’t spend a ton, but I bought more than I intended and I feel it was a bit more impulsive. I think I’m just really anxious right now. I’ve had concerns about turning into a hoarder for years (runs in my family), but I’ve been aware and trying to work through those issues. Idk. I’m just really anxious today and I wanted some feedback from you guys cuz you always give me great advice. I appreciate this sub so so so much. 💝",Type 2 spending issues?,2 +626,"I saw my therapist on Monday. She saw that I had cut myself and made me get it checked out at the ER because she said I needed stitches. I didn’t think it was that bad. Well 7 stitches and 5 days in the psych ward later I was discharged today from my 19th hospital stay. I am so done dealing with this. + +I’m just venting and want to hear your frustrations too. So what are you sick of dealing with?",If you’re sick of dealing with this shit raise your hand 🙋🏻‍♀️,2 +627,,"my sleeping habits, what do I make of this",2 +628,"Does anyone else have this happen to them? It's very strange. + +I remember maybe when I was 7 I would be confused as to if music was actually playing. + +It doesn't happen too often, but it's peculiar when it does. I became more consciously aware of this when I was maybe 13. I remember being restless because I could hear music, but it was too clear for it to be real. I went outside my bed and didn't hear anything. + +I was talking to my psychiatrist maybe 2 days ago about it. If you want you can take a quick scroll through my post history, but basically + +1. Got sexually harassed badly from a supervisor. He told told me sexual things about my body and told me he liked sliding in and coming inside + +2. When I reported it, the manager cut my hours to zero. I have to pay for rent and food, not to mention how it felt to muster up the courage to report it, and then right face retaliation. I've never experienced this kind of devastation before. I can't even describe how painful the act of retaliation in itself was. I was aware I might not be believed, but I didn't think I'd get punished. + +So I told my psychiatrist about it and almost cried. I'm still processing this information, and I'm struggling. I really am. + +Sometimes it's music playing. More often, actual music will be playing, and I hear an actual person singing along with the song, but they aren't. It's the most bizzare thing. I have to stare at their lips, and they won't be moving. But I hear their singing very clearly. + +Has anything like this happened to others before? + +But, thank God for meds. I've dipped in and out of suicidal fantasy because of it, but overall, it's been ok. I still have panic attacks when my throat closes up and I have to step away to cough it out and/or drink water. But again, thank God for meds. + +I'm not going to ask for a higher dosage yet though. I think I'm stable if not for this happening. Anyways, that's such a tangent. So I guess that's a question + rant I have for yall.",I hear people singing and music when I get manic?,2 +629,"Considering the fact that I've nearly died a few times, been hospitalized 7 times and really been through hell, I don't want to have a kid and see them go through something similar. I still want to have a family some days, but I'm not sure it's worth the risk. Not sure how to think about this problem.",I told a friend I didn't want to have bipolar children and he called me selfish,2 +630,How does weather affect you? I think weather hitting me as hard as it does affects my belief in the validity of my disorder. (Y'all know that feeling - if I just tried a little harder I wouldn't suffer with that...),Weather,2 +631,"I'm aware that I'm probably in a manic episode rn but still... Ireland sounds kinda nice. Like financially it's no issue, I speak the language and I'm a European citizen so I don't need a visa or anything, hell I don't even need a work permit to work there and my health insurance works there just fine, so why not, right? + +Idk it sounds good to me rn but I already went to Italy a few years back (in a manic episode) and ended up broke and if it hadn't been for my dad back then I probably would be still living on the streets there, so idk if moving is the best idea... maybe just a vacation?",I'm contemplating moving to Ireland. Can anybody give me a reason not to?,2 +632,"Hey everyone, + +I am far from a inspirational speaker but I wanted to just hop on and say that when it comes to my BiPD I feel I am a much stronger person because of it. I grew up with a mom who likely had the disorder as well but took the path to meth as her escape and my dad was always working and never there. + +I grew up on my own and didn't find out I had the disorder till I was in my late teens. I wasn't able to go to college and I struggled to find work that was a fit and take care of myself for a bit but now I am happy to say I found the best job and make more money without a degree than most. + +This IS NOT me bragging, I say all of this to show that I think we all forget sometimes that while having this disorder is a struggle it can teach us a lot of lessons. It also allows many of us to think differently and that can be a benefit. The problem is finding a way to get to stability to be able to use it in a way that doesn't make us self-destruct. I know it's hard (understatement of the year), and everyone has to find thier own path because it is definitely not one size fits all. I hope anyone who sees this knows there is hope, it's the small wins that keep it alive. Small ones lead to larger ripples in life. + + +Anyway just wanted to share my two cents, if it's not for you feel free to pass on by. Not looking for hate mail.",Bipolar & Resilience,2 +633,"I read that BD and chronic pain are commonly paired together, but I haven’t met doctors or therapists who have had experience with both at the same time. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia even before my BD diagnosis. Makes me wonder if it’s really common of if that’s just internet facts. + +Usually, when I wake up with my entire body stiff/in pain, and my energy levels sapped, I’m having a down day. And the opposite is true when I’m elevated. Also, my days of no pain (and not enough sleep) crash into a downward spike, so it makes sense that I wear out because of that. + +Anyway, curious to hear your experiences, what you do to mitigate the pain, etc.",What’s your relationship between bipolar and chronic pain?,2 +634,"After receiving my diagnosis, when I recall times I felt completely euphoric, was I mistaking mania for happiness, or was I actually just happy then? Does this make sense? Does anyone else feel this?",Mania or happiness?,2 +635,Walmart. Of course.,WTF??,2 +636,"My ex boyfriend is someone who can literally change my day in one encounter. +Don’t make fun of me Please!!!! I love him so much and consider him my only soul mate. I have been love sick since we broke up when I was 18. I’m 25. If you are interested in more details ask me. Anyway he limboed into my DM a week ago. I can’t stop thinking about him and my thoughts and emotions are racing. I can’t stay in a single mindset. My ego is breaking. I am starting to feel dysmorphic. I bought some kratom which I swore I wouldn’t do. I’m an alcoholic and addic + +I need a friend. Please someone. 😞 + +Edit: just to paint a picture. I’m 25, gay, pretty cute and I love to listen to long techno mixes.","Gave me all of this EMPTINESS, I’m in MANIA",2 +637,"I take lamictal and olanzapine, until recently i was taking lithium too, but now im back in that dark hole with no exits, why is this happening again, im doing everything right... its so unfair + +This is another episode i know it, i can feel it. I dont understand i was doing so good, i was genuinely doing better than ever, and now i want to kill myself again... + +I give myself max 4 days before i either end up back in the ward for the 14th time or i commit suicide","Im really sucidal, i dont think my meds are working anymore",2 +638,,I made a lithium tower today during my online lecture (this kind of counts as art),2 +639,"I am coming out of a bad Illness- pneumonia or bronchitis. Now that am I am starting to feel better I am starting to feel euphoric like mania is coming on. It’s like feel so horrible for so long and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel is pushing me into mania. + +Has anyone experienced this?",Mania after sickness,2 +640,"I won't act on them, but saying them out loud more has made my boyfriend concerned. It's been a very rough week for me and I am so wound up. I just say them to vent out my frustrations, but I get that it's not normal. My medication had not been effective and I think it's time to make a change but I'm scared of the switch messing with me and I get those auditory or visual hallucinations again. Just letting this thought out so thank you for reading if you have",Been feeling depressed and have been saying suicidal thoughts out loud,2 +641,"I know there's a chance somone can be bipolar and have borderline personality disorder. Was it difficult for someone who has both bipolar and bpd disorder to get diagnosed? + +I know some symptoms overlap but from what I know what helps bipolar be diagnosed officially is the clear cut mood swings (correct me if I'm wrong ) and I assume bpd effects those manic and depressive episodes. Let me know ur experience",Bipolar and bpd diagnosis,2 +642,"I’m not seeking medical advice, I just want to know if anyone has experienced the same thing. With that being said, I am predisposed to developing tardive dyskensia after my first episode that hasn’t gone away in 8 years. + +Now, I’ve had my second episode and I am on Lexapro, Seroquel, Clonazopam, and Lamictal. + +Has anyone else developed any movement disorders from any of these meds or is it just in your sleep when you experience them?",Jerking in my Sleep Continues,2 +643,This is the longest and most severe manic episode I’ve had in months after a 3 month long depressive episode and I love it and I hate it. My “normal” days are still terrible and they always will be and I don’t wanna do it anymore. i’m just mad at everyone and eveeyrhing my hand is swollen from smashing shit in my room i just want people to know how bad i feel. i wish they could see it with their eyes. i wish i had cancer or something so people woukd see me.,insaciable anger,2 +644,And that make me want to cry. That's all. I'm freaked out now and want to bawl my eyes out. I was already teetering on the edge but this fact makes me wanna crumble. Why did I have to have a such a shit draw of luck with genes and trauma.,Just learned today that manic/depressive episodes lead to brain damage,2 +645,"How do you feel after your episode calms down. I’m currently in hospital from a mixed episode with mania being the stronger symptom. I’ve been in for a week so far. My doctor added an antipsychotic to my treatment. I feel so spacey and strange which I’m assuming could be my meds. My doctor said he will adjust them if it continues. I feel especially weird when I get a few hour passes to go home. + +Curious to know how others have felt/feel?",Coming out of mania/mixed episodes,2 +646," (Content Warning) + + +Hello people, + +I am writing to you because I need help. + +Please excuse me first of all because English is not my first language. + +I am desperate, I am destroyed. + +I am bipolar and borderline. + +I am in a relationship with someone who was perfect for me at first and has since neglected me, disrespected me, ignored me, and blamed me for everything because of my disorder. + +Before I met him, I had managed to rebuild myself, to go back to work after a 2.5 year break (I was diagnosed in 2019). + +Since then, I have been living in hell. + +He lived far away from me (950km/690miles) and we tried life together but that's when my disorder revealed itself. + +He was constantly on the computer, talking down to me, having horrible outbursts and insulting me. + +He even threatened to kill himself and jump off my balcony and I tried to hold him back and that's when I had my first ""boderline"" crisis where I started screaming in pain and wanting to end my life. + +I called him parents to warn them of his actions and when they called, my boyfriend said everything was fine while I was crying in the back and they could hear me. + +A lot of things happened and I asked him to go home (he lives with his parents). + +Since then, it's been hot and cold between us. + +One day I'm ""his Queen"", the next day he barely pays attention to me and when I criticize him for not even asking if I'm okay, he says ""because you think I'm your knight in shining armor?"" when for me it's the minimum for any social contact. + +You should know that from the beginning of our relationship, I was threatened with a knife by one of his family members and insulted and while we were abroad in a remote place I didn't know. + +His family consults a lot of medieums, psychics, card readers and all of them say that I am the devil and not made for their son while I have never shown anything but goodness, kindness and compassion despite what they made me go through (recently, I learned that they would be persuaded that I raped their son and that my first goal is to ""kill him"" while I have never raised my hand on someone). + +They even told me while her sister wanted hut me with the knife that it was ok because ""the devil is INSIDE HER' and so it means that it's not her fault and they didn't event ask if I was fine once ?! + +Last week was the worst of all, I hurt myself, I hit my head multiple times during his present and I tore my face off + hit myself with an alter because I heard his parents on the phone saying again that I was going to kill him and he did nothing to stop it and instead he left when I could have killed myself. + +I am stuck in this relationship, I don't know how to get out of it. + +I feel like I can't see any way out because I feel like no one will want me because I'm ""crazy"" and I don't want to live with someone like him, nor do I want to start a family with him because of the principles he may have and his family (I can't tell you everything, but the story of the knife already tells you a lot) + +I need help, my caregivers don't tell me anything, they listen to me and that's it. + +No one understands me. + +The more I talked to him about my illness and how to help me if I was neglected, the more he did nothing. + +When we lived together and he insulted me, I took it upon myself at first and went to him with a big smile and hugged him as he pushed me hard and said ""YOU DISGUST ME!"" to then tell me ""sorry, I love you more than anything, you can't even imagine, I will never leave you alone again, I will do the work for both of us as you have done for the past 7 months, everything it's over I'm not going to abandon you anymore, it's up to me to make sure that you become again the one you were before my family and I broke you"" then suddenly it's ""you're responsible for everything, it's is because you are hypersensitive"" + +His family hates me because I'm ""too pretty, too nice, too cuddly to be true"" when I'm just me! + +I can't take it anymore, yesterday and this morning I wanted to end it, I can't tell myself that I'm going to get out of this, I can't tell myself that I'm going to manage to escape of him because I'm hooked in spite of myself and I don't know why because we no longer live together and it's a daily suffering. + +He's h24 on his computer, he just plays, he has nothing to talk about, we don't share anything anymore (he was different at first, it was amazing then he showed his face when he moved in with me). + +I just asked him again if we could call because I need help because I'm in pain, I'm taking xanax for the first time in my life in addition to my usual treatments when I've always managed to do without (and even with that, it doesn't work) + +I'm begging you, help me, advise me, I don't know, but I need help from people who understand me. +Thank you very much","I suffer from a relationship, I REALLY NEED HELP",2 +647,"I feel like I’m too hard to love. I’m in my late 20s, and I have bp II. I’ve been medicated and going to therapy regularly for years but I still have mood swings etc. i thought I managed it well? I’m a lesbian and I try really hard to make relationships work but in the end I’m always too much. I even escaped an abusive one. It hurts so badly. Especially when i think about the fact that in multiple relationships, when my partners were going through their depressions (not bipolar but reg depression) I held them down, to the point of putting their needs and feelings above my own and neglecting myself (which I now know is unhealthy). And then they get better..But the second I start struggling I’m “too much” and they don’t know if they can do it. It’s frustrating because I’m really upfront about the fact that I have bp II and they’ll say it doesn’t matter etc but when the symptoms show up they bail. If you ask my exes or anyone I’ve dealt with romantically 9 times out of 10 they’ll describe me as sweet/bubbly and one said I was amazing. But if that’s true why can’t they love me. I just want to be loved. I want to get married one day and maybe have a child and live happily ever after but I feel like that’ll never happen for me or it won’t last because I’ll have an episode and everything will be ruined.",unloved,2 +648,"My last post was removed for being pseudo-science. Fair enough. Here are a few sources that recommend eating at least 1g protein per kg of bodyweight: + +https://neurosciencenews.com/high-protein-diet-depression-22760/ + +""A new study that focused on nutrition and mental health of adolescent athletes found an association between high protein consumption and a decrease in symptoms of depression."" + +https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19841581/ + +""The indicator amino acid oxidation-based requirement values of 0.93 and 1.2 g protein/kg/day and the reanalysis of existing nitrogen balance studies are significantly higher than current recommendations. Therefore, there is an urgent need to reassess recommendations for protein intake in adult humans."" + +https://examine.com/guides/protein-intake/#references + +""higher protein intakes increase satiety, which is particularly helpful if you’re trying to cut calories as part of a weight-loss diet"" + + +https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-much-protein-do-you-need-every-day-201506188096 + +""The Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) for protein is a modest 0.8 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight. The RDA is the amount of a nutrient you need to meet your basic nutritional requirements. In a sense, it’s the minimum amount you need to keep from getting sick — not the specific amount you are supposed to eat every day."" + +As you can see, making sure you eat enough protein improves depression symptoms, helps weight loss (but is not a panacea) which we struggle with, and is generally deemed to be safe. + +The mainstay advice is *at least* 0.8g protein per kg bodyweight. It is generally recommended to get this protein from plant sources and also engage in physical activity.",Adequate protein intake,2 +649,"Basically the title + +I'm looking for a mood tracking app that can weight my entries based on the time I recorded them. All of them I tried an entry counts as one. So if I feel awesome (that's a 5) and for the evening I feel terrible (that's a 1) it counts as my day was a 3. + +But in realty if felt awesome for like 10 hours and terrible for 1 would be useful if it would count as 4.6. + +I feel like that would a more accurate representation of my feelings at the end of the day",Mood tracker app with time weighted entry,2 +650,"I have a $1750 deductible so getting saphris is $200/ month. It was a miracle drug when I was on it. Vraylar has been suggested for me so many times but once again is super expensive. +Any loopholes in getting either of these meds? My doctor was going to try to reach out to a drug rep to see if we can get samples and for how long. Both of us hesitant bc then I might have to go off. On zyprexa now… open to any other meds that might help stabilize that are 5 million dollars",Getting vraylar or saphris. High deductible- any ways to get it?,2 +651,,"Sometimes, when the mania takes a hold, my mood is 100% Gary Busey",2 +652,"After years of getting nowhere with SSRIS, therapy, and functional medicine, I have finally been diagnosed with bipolar 2. I feel anger at my parents and doctors for not helping me when this started showing up in high school (I am 29 now). I will be starting medication next week after my psych goes over my metabolic panel. I have a good job now (software engineer) and am repairing myself financially for all the excessive spending and credit I took out, but I feel so alone in my relationships and sometimes think I will never be able to be a wife and mother with this disease. I feel grateful for this diagnosis as I can now begin to forgive myself for all my outbursts in the past, but the grief is so heavy over the time I lost and how much this damaged my self esteem over the years. Is it really possible to begin again after starting medication and therapy? Looking for some serious inspiration here. Love to everyone in this community.","just diagnosed with BP2, feeling lost and looking for inspo.",2 +653,"I'm in the US and I'm taking 200 mg of Lamotrigine daily. My psychiatrist recommended talk therapy but I declined due to cost. He also prescribed Adderall but I couldn't tolerate it due to insomnia. + +I sometimes do CBT workbooks, and I'm in a DBT Skills Training group. These were never recommended by a doctor but I think they help. + +Edit: Adderall was prescribed for my ADHD diagnosis. I was also diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder with generalized anxiety and obsessive compulsive features, but I was never prescribed a medication for this condition.",What country are you in and what treatment are you receiving? I'm curious about how doctors in different countries approach bipolar treatment.,2 +654,"Okay, I think this might be a bit long as I'm trying to include all the information, so here we go. + +I (f25) was diagnosed in mid 2021, but never categorized in 1 or 2. I was doing therapy (combo biofeedback with the intent to get to emdr) for a few months and taking 200mg lamotrigine and 10mg Lexapro, but I haven't been to therapy in months because of distance and cost, and I've been off my meds for months because the lamoteigine (I think) was causing me sleep problems. + +I work 9 hr days and 6 days a week most weeks while also helping my husband (35m) with his online business (usually don't get home most nights until 9:30). Here's where my problems start. + +My husband wants sex a lot. When we first got together, we had sex every day for like a year. Then it started to slow some but was never really an issue. Now we have sex maybe once a week and it's putting a strain on our marriage. He feels like I don't love him or want him or want to be around him anymore. None of those are true and in my mind I have valid reasons for not wanting to have sex when he initiates. I have the kyleena IUD so I get some pretty painful cramps sometimes, or I'm tired, or it's late when we get home and I have to be at work a 6 am. Recently an additional pronlem is that I've become self-conscious about how I look again. He says I don't initiate enough or respond when he tries to get me in the mood. I tried to explain to him my reasons but he said I'm making it sound like a chore, and sometimes it does feel that way until I'm actually in the act and enjoying it. It feels like too much work or too much sleep loss in exchange for little. I've gotten to the point where if we do have sex, I prefer quickies. He also says that when I initiate when he's tried, he doesn't turn me down unless he's exhausted. + +Things are very strained. I feel like I'm sleeping in bed with a stranger, like an old fashioned we've never loved together or had sex before marriage type of relationship. I hate it and I hate that I can't pinpoint a cause or how to fix it. + +Is it mania? Depression? Stress? IUD? Exhaustion? Something I'm missing completely? + +I'll answer any questions that come up to explain more. Please, someone help. I don't want to ruin my marriage.","I'm ruining my sex life, please help",2 +655,"Does anyone have any tips on dealing with a mixed episode? I really don’t want to go to the hospital cause being isolated from my friends, pets, and music makes everything so much worse. I also have trauma from a past hospitalization so even the idea of it is really triggering. I just keep fluctuating between sobbing, being fine, super happy, and angry. I contacted my psychiatrist and I got my appointment moved up to Tuesday but I’m just really overwhelmed right. I’m just listening to music to try to stay calm but my brain is just really loud and I feel like I’m losing it. I just really don’t know how to be ok right now and need some ideas for staying as stable as possible before I can see my psychiatrist.",Mixed episode,2 +656,"Does anyone else still experience hyper vigilance during a depressive episode? I feel as though it actually gets worse and I hang onto every word and each of the tones. I am prone to self-isolating but I am the sole income earner and it freaks my spouse out when I hit my lows and I cannot get the energy to get to work. The fear is I tend to cry for random things and I work in a super fast paced environment which is overwhelming when I can barely brush my teeth. I wake up with anxiety daily but during a depressive episode, it is crippling. How do I explain the ideation going up? I just want to sleep and cry and I hate the anxiety. People do not realize the high correlation between an anxiety disorder being comorbid with BD. Waking up is literally the hardest part of my day.",Low mood,2 +657,"(a manic episode read til the end should i call this girl on the phone ) i need you all to be brutally honest. i sent a whole paragraph to a friend/acquaintance about how i didn’t like this girl +and had this whole plan not to sit next to her. (she’s like the most hated girl in school the one i didn’t want to sit by). i made this whole weird plan about her getting there early and bringing binders that are labeled the sport i play on it to pretend we are planning sports camps. then said it would be good for national honors society. honestly if you guys want more information about the message i sent to her i can copy and paste it i just really don’t want to because it’s embarrassing and hard to look back on. she responded well even though she hated her for a while too. she just said “she’s going through a lot just smile” which is a perfect mature answer. i talked to her (when i wasn’t manic) about how she is a really good remodel and i inspire to her and she really liked that. but before i did that ⚠️ IMPORTANT PART ⚠️ +i texted my other friend(idk what we are now) about it. i said in voice memos that i was manic and wrote a whole paragraph about how i hated this girl then sent it to my other friend. this other girl who i was talking about before i wrote “important part” is someone she would say rather be friends with then me. then i spammed her with tiktoks afterward the voice memo because i told her i didn’t want to be embarrassing by it in the future??? i don’t know what i said, it was clearly something i’d never say. the REAL PROBLEM is her mother has bipolar. but like the stereotypical bipolar not something that i would be like. she says stuff that you could probably image very disfunctional women and the father is too. this was probably a huge trigger for her. i forgot about it until i tagged her in a post and left me on read. then i asked her questions about the sport and she was never a dry texter and said stuff like +yes +no +sure +i realized then and remembered what happened. i texted her to ask if i could call her tomorrow and she said “sure” that was like 3-7 days ago though. i’m not sure whether to call her text her or even address this situation. if i did address it how would i, would i call her, text her, or??? this is just a very hard situation and idk what to do. please help me",old friendship need serious advice,2 +658,"I have recently moved in with my partner from across the nation. We had known each other for a long time since we were in the same community-focused nonprofit organization. We had spent a substantial time building an intimate rapport with each other and we began to fully believe we were madly in love with each other. Unfortunately when I moved in the true depth of my mental unwellness quickly forced its way to the surface. My bipolar disorder shares a dangerous comorbidity with various other mental injuries to include combat PTSD from my time in the Marine Corps, community trauma from being raised in poverty, and general childhood trauma which has resulted in an additional major depressive disorder diagnosis. + +My mood cycles rapidly as in several times in one day rapidly. The resulting agitation fills my head with various examples of why the relationship will never work despite her initial fervor to cater to my every need. Now she’s exhausted, beleaguered, and on the precipice of lapsing back into previous trauma behavior—she has PTSD from witnessing her ex-fiancée shoot himself in the head right in front of her. I have become the single most stressful thing in her life and I’ve repeatedly attempted to leave the relationship as a result but she would refuse to let me leave. + +I’m exhausted and I have a maelstrom of dark thoughts swirling through my head. Our relationship has devolved into resentment, petty squabbles, and she no longer has the energy to convince me to stay when I feel compelled to flee from the relationship even though she states she still wants me to stay even if she doesn’t have the energy to stop me from leaving. I can’t seek solace in my partner because we have become a point of contention in each others’ lives and if I keep venting to my best friend she’ll begin to grow resentful of my partner for being what she may perceive as unhealthy for me even though I share a large portion of the blame for causing our relationship to devolve to this point. She constantly states how she needs support and cannot withstand the capricious nature of my mood swings on her own which breaks my heart to hear because now I’m fully convinced that I am far too much more trouble than I’m worth and that I am no where near at a point in my mental health recovery to be a healthy boyfriend. + +Who has experienced something similar and how did they navigate such an emotionally compromising situation?",Bipolar Disorder type II is compromising my relationship and I feel beleaguered. How do others navigate relationships while undermedicated/still finding out which meds work for them?,2 +659," +So I haven’t had much luck with mood stabilizing meds. I started another new one a few days ago, Tegretol. I’m just wondering if anyone has been on it before and how it worked for them?",Started new meds,2 +660,"My eyes hurt, this is now my 5th piece in two days.. i guess i could be doing much worse things right now, at least im improving at something :D",I draw better when i'm hypomanic,2 +661,"I have Bipolar 2 and an important person I've been seeing for quite a while has Bipolar 1. We started matching cycles and sometimes we inevitably trigger each other.I know when to give him space, specifically when he is going through his lows and withdraws from texting and meeting up. Lately, it has been going on for longer than usual, and am getting a little bit worried as it is triggering my depression and my anxiety. As he leaves me on read, I cannot understand if he is ghosting me or if he just needs space. I am willing to give him space for as long as it is needed, but sometimes I do need reassurance as well. I am deeply missing him and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Pieces of advice? I am willing to read anything that can help me understand better the situation as I am fairly new to Bipolar and I barely understand myself sometimes. + +Edit: typo",Relationships and Ghosting?,2 +662,"Came here to rant. Can someone on this heavenly earth tell me why credit card companies don’t have a “manic episode” forgiveness? Like sorry I’m not paying my bill right now, I’m out buying shit that will entertain this manic episode for maybe 7 whole days! +Sorry I missed a payment, I didn’t really care to view the statement right now because I’m out living life. +No, I have no idea if those charges are +fraudulent, I was living in the moment. + +Needless to say my balance is HIGH for someone unemployed. Anyone else avoiding looking at their credit score! Can’t tell how many payments I’ve missed! Can’t win here.",Bipolar ruining my credit,2 +663,"That’s all really, I’m just really proud of how far I have come. At some points over the past few years I really didn’t think I would make it this far. Life is slowly becoming better, and I’m beginning to love it and myself again. There is hope ❤️",I’ve been stable for 6 months!,2 +664,"Hi + +Have any of you stopped taking birth control while on meds? I'm on lamotrigine, propranolol, lithium, and wellbutrin. I have the estrogen implant, and I want to get it removed and get my tubes tied instead. Im worried that if I remove it that my body and brain will go crazy. I've been on birth control for 10 years and I have no clue what I am like without it. + +Anyone have some insight as to what I might be getting myself into?",Stopping birth control,2 +665,"I am going on 2 weeks of little sleep. Around an hour or 2 a night max. My doctor won’t give me sleep meds due to me being “too young” because I would have to take them forever. I’m looking for a new doctor. + +Anyways I’m having trouble feeling? I am dissociated majority of the time. I can’t seem to go out without everyone noticing. It’s exhausting on top of no sleep.",Is it fine or am I loopy from the nonexistent sleep?,2 +666,"Hi I'm 24 years old and I was diagnosed with bipolar 1. After 3 years of good management, therapy, and constant support I find myself in the worst mania I've ever had. As some background, I'm a 3rd year nursing student and I have a lot of past repressed trauma. In the previous weeks I've been so stressed and I've been dealing with all the trauma I repressed in order to get to a better place in life. It obviously had the opposite effect. I've spent so much money for useless shit, said things to my friends and family that I obviously don't mean, and I feel like I'm wired. I want this to end, and I just want to make it stop. Please help.",Worst Mania I've Ever Had,2 +667,"I used to be able to small talk. +Go outside without my adrenaline kicking in. +Making eye contact. +Focusing on reading. +Fight through the days I didn’t feel great and get shit done. Which is not solely a bipolar problem. It’s a human problem. +The worst part is I feel like I can’t relate to anyone. +Earth doesn’t feel like home anymore.",“I used to be able to do this!”,2 +668,"I never knew going off texting someone a million texts was me being manic + +Telling them borderline cruel things was being manic. + +I didn't know it could all escalate. + +That going through more trauma could affect me the way it has. + +Dammit I thought I had things under control just because I used to be ""productive"" about my mental health + +My brain hurts now when things get too much. + +I became violent + +I rage now. + +I'm tired. + +I used to just curl up and cry. + +I spent a year in bed once in 7th grade and another time as a late teenager and nobody noticed. + +I cried for a whole 2 days one time, the tears just kept pouring out...nobody noticed. + +I had panic attacks without knowing they were panic attacks. + +I got into weed and alcohol not knowing how much it all could exacerbate things. + +I'm in legal trouble because things escalated for me. I had just been diagnosed and I was already on medication. + +I'm scared, alone and just trying to get by. + +How'd I get this far ? + +I always felt like I had so much potential and I truly wanted to do things and live genuinely. + +I feel like a failure. +I just never knew things could get this bad.",I never knew it was manic episodes,2 +669,,The little anxiety monster crawling around my brain. OC,2 +670,"It's a lot to handle sometimes, so I looked up the statistic and feel less alone!",Just found out 14% of people with bipolar disorder have an eating disorder. Who else out there relates?,2 +671,"After multiple years of suffering from different combinations of Bipolar, BPD, narcissism, ADHD symptoms, and OCD symptoms I am 90% symptom-free. I still have anxiety attacks sometimes (but like once a week if that), and certain phobias and have to control my OCD symptoms with some rigid scheduling, but my depression splitting, hyper fixations, and attention issues are effectively gone. + +And I'm so fucking bored. None of the things that made me feel good do that anymore (but I don't feel bad) because it all came from avoidance. I'm used to fighting depression 100% of the time and without that I'm listless. + +So what do you do with this? Does anyone have any advice? DBT and IFS suggestions especially appreciated.",Being stable is so fucking boring,2 +672,"I'm doing all the shit they tell you to do. Ask for help early, intervene, use skills, tell your care team what is going on...etc. The past few weeks have felt like shit but I've managed to avoid a major incident. I still had to take an ""incomplete"" in my coursework and will have to finish the module over the summer but I am not set back by a whole year like last time. So I guess you could say that things are working. But I feel like I'm not being taken seriously by my providers. I am telling them what is going on and how I am feeling but since I didn't have a major incident that ended in disaster I feel like they are telling me that I'm fine and not really listening. I feel like the only time people listen to what I'm saying is when I'm literally having a medical emergency. It is really invalidating and makes me feel like my problems are only valid if they're immediately life threatening. Anyone else? How do you keep taking care of yourself when everyone sees you as ""managing"" but you're actually barely scraping by?",Am I only validated when things are worst case?,2 +673,"This is headed into a rant..I was diagnosed BP2 after one visit with a psych. Put on lamicital and here I’ve been for two years. I’m not bipolar the meds aren’t helping. I got worse, more fighting , crying, SI,SH. I’ve been trying to force myself into sickness or narrative. Psychosomatic? +I’ve also been dealing with marriage strain,a pandemic, a major surgery, the +chronic pain and long term issues from +that surgery and a new high stress job. It’s been a busy couple of years. + +Those are life factors that can make anyone go off their baseline. I don’t want to be given a dx because I can fit a checklist that day and then some meds to make me foggy. + + +I have been letdown by so many healthcare providers. I am taking my health and bodily autonomy back. I can choose how to heal my mind and body. + +I’m tapering myself off the meds. Working with a therapist I trust and creating a treatment plan to actually improve my quality of life.",Don’t believe it,2 +674,"It launched February 21st. I didn’t know until half an hour ago when I picked up my prescription. Instead of $150 after insurance for a 30 day supply, I paid $0 for Lurasidone. $0!!!!! + +Just wanted to share in case people don’t know! If you’re paying a lot for Latuda, you can now get the generic! + +I am so psyched to have more money in my budget! That relieves so much stress, oh my god",Latuda finally has a generic!,2 +675,"I think I'm about to have a manic episode, and I'm not really sure what to do. I'm on meds (abilify) but I just started them and they haven't really had an effect yet. I've also been feeling pretty anxious. I can't get on elevators because I feel like they're haunted, and I can't be alone without having a panic attack and thinking I'm going to die. I was wondering if this is a symptom of bipolar? I just got diagnosed and I don't know. + +I already texted my therapist and hopefully I'll see her on Monday, I was just wondering if any of you had any advice on what to do until then. Do I tell people?",Might be manic,2 +676,,"more drawing, i like this guy",2 +677,"My Bupropion dosage just got upped from 150 to 300, and ever since, sex is quite literally the only thing I can think about. I’ve been daydreaming about having sex almost constantly, and it’s quite distracting while I’m at work. It’s legitimately almost painful. This is, for the most part, a non issue except that my partner is away at the moment, and a fellow can only rub one out so many times a day. For the record, I’m not manic, I have 0 symptoms of mania besides an increased libido, and that is a common side effect of Bupropion. + +How can I at least make this less annoying?",Bupropion is making me horny as fuck,2 +678,"Hey everyone! + +I have bipolar and I’ve been in 40 hospitals. My parents tried to put me under conservativorship and filed 4x in California. They’re due for dismissal now. + +I am kinda hesitant to see when it gets dismissed because their lawyer is lagging the due date is April 25th. + +I just came back to LA from Boston. I was out of state lines then. So I might have to appear. + +On top of it, I bleached my hair and it came out yellow, now I have to go for another round of bleaching. + +Anyway, that’s my life + +So tell me about yours.",New user,2 +679,"I’m 16 diagnosed Bipolar 1, eBPD, ADHD, PTSD, GAD, social anxiety and my question is wtf do y’all do to cope??💀 + +I’ve tried 10+ meds, therapy, IOP, PHP, inpatient, and I’m still not doing any better. + +so i’m curious, what helps/helped you?",16 & bipolar,2 +680,"I started a depressed episode in oct of 2022, this did not start right away but rather crept in especially in the last 2 or so months. I’ve been doing much better but this is still lingering, I feel as though it’s getting better but I’m not sure and just here to see if other experience this and if there are things to help. + +When I look in the mirror I do not recognize myself, I don’t even know what I think I look like in my head, it’s really hard for me to picture my face. But when I see myself I think this is not what I look like even tho it obviously is. This also happens when I look at photos of myself. It’s a bit bothersome and makes it hard to feel confident about the way I look bc I used to be so confident but now I don’t even know what I look like or am supposed to look like if that makes sense.",Dissociation?,2 +681,,"I've recently picked up drawing and today I wanted to channel what I'm feeling like, so here we are",2 +682,"I'm aware this sounds like psychosis, I have an appointment set up, it isn't until next week. I'm making this post wondering if anyone else experiences something like this. +When my meds stop working or im in a depressive episI have a voice in my head that is me, but she's mean and hateful only towards me. +For example, I go to do the pile of dishes at the sink I've promised to wash for 3 days and she starts telling me that my husband hates me and I should just give up and kms. It's just a constant badgering and peanut gallery horseshit. I know I'm going to sound crazier saying this, but I tell her to shut up, and sometimes it works. +I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lick of sense.",Is there another you?,2 +683,"So I've been cycling since beginning of december, before it was switching back and forth around every 5 days (with about 12 hours of euthymia between the up->down switch and none in the down->up switch), but since some time in early feb it's more like switching every 21-34 hours (usually 21-24 but sometimes a cycle gets a bonus half day added to it), and this is with little or no break in between sides. + + +Now this is where my question comes in: I started on latuda 20 in early feb (which seemed to work for like 3 days a week in then stop). Then Feb 22 I got upped to 40 (as well as wellbutrin being doubled from 150-300 o_O). Now since last week (almost exactly 2 weeks after upping the two), the pattern has started doing something extra weird.... + + +Now, instead of just going up-down-up-down like it was before, there's a day ""break"" between the solid up and down ... and it's not euthymia it's like a funky mixed thing going on where it rapidly switches back and forth between lighter versions of both sides, with each side ranging anywhere from a couple minutes to an hour. Then it switches into a 'full state' for a day to continue the cycle (usually it goes in order but it doesn't always). + +So my question is ... I really can't understand exactly what this means ... does this mean it's getting better or worse? I'm trying to figure out if maybe the med changes are in the right direction or if this is actually worsening ... in some ways I'd say better (since the number of 'full' cycles is technically slowed a little) but for more obvious reasons it may be worse. Also, these bouncy days are pretty obnoxious when it comes to doing things like work because I can't actually maintain a flow since it keeps changing on me. + + +Has anyone had any sorta situation like this before? Do you think this is a path toward better, or is it actually getting worse? I would think a question like that would be obvious but ... it isn't for this o_O",questions about ultra rapid cycling/switching/mixed states,2 +684,"I’m posting here because I’m technically diagnosed as bipolar and I suspect it could potentially be related in the form of overthinking. + +Overall I’ve had pretty stable mental health since I graduated college and started working. College was hell and now I occasionally get hypomanic but nothing extreme. Even less frequently do I ever feel depressed. All without meds (has bad side effects, didn’t really help, felt like it kept me in a “sick” mindset but I digress). So I think I’m doing great overall. I feel privileged in that way. + +But something I still struggle with is this feeling of existential dread I get when I mistake a mistake, am wrong, or am just being trolled. + +I have many examples, but one today was someone on an academic subreddit telling me I’m wrong about something and implied I’m an idiot that doesn’t know what I’m talking about. All when this person couldn’t refute what I was saying and was generally being a d*ck focused on me being wrong instead of trying to discuss as a community. + +Others have been related to feeling secluded in my field of work because I research a type of illness our product exacerbates to find preventative measures. So sometimes I have to trigger people and if I try to find colleagues to talk to “it could harm the business” which my boss is annoyed about (not violating any NDAs) + +But I digress. + +Basically, anytime I get shut down by someone one way or another, I have thoughts of just not wanting to continue on. Just being unable to cope with other people. + +I don’t perceive them as being s*icidal, like I wouldn’t act on it or plan or anything. But just a feeling of anxiety and fear from making social mistakes (like fearing being canceled for a misunderstanding). I just feel like I don’t know how to move on. Then I think my hypomania kicks that overthinking into overdrive. + +All until I sleep and wake up the next day. Usually, but not always. Sometimes it does lead to dysthymia or depression. + +I’ve never really had a lot of friends. I’m married in a great relationship with great (international) in-laws but I don’t have regular friends I hang out with (mostly friendships of convenience, like classmates) nor do I have a good family. I guess I generally feel like I don’t really have people to support me. + +Despite being able to get by in most social situations fine, I don’t have a real social life and always feel lacking or like I know how to talk to people in personal. Like I only have enough social skills to survive and pass as normal but maybe awkward sometimes. But the awkwardness and not knowing what to do in social situations is what Sara me up",Why do negative social interactions give me such existential dread? How to cope?,2 +685,She said it is half moon and half sun and it reminded her of me. It think she's onto me...,My 6 Year Old Drew this for Me,2 +686,"I’ll preface this post with the fact that I have bipolar and I’m young. I know both those things contribute to the impulse of money spending. I am still in college and my parents give me money for necessities (groceries, therapy, gas money to visit home). I DID have a regular job, but I quit because of how toxic the workplace was. I babysit pretty regularly and I am in the running for a job as a ghost tour guide, so it’s not like I CAN’T afford frivolous things, but I do feel bad about not having basically any money in my savings ($20 to my name right now! It’s insane) + +I am no longer someone who buys clothes just because I like them, but I did go up a few sizes due to medication increase and diet change so I’ve been having to replace a lot of my old clothes. I always shop at goodwill though and lately I haven’t had to buy that much. I don’t buy house decor anymore since I am definitely fulfilled in that aspect. I only buy art supplies when my current ones are totally out of use. + +I think I impulse buy fast food or even restaurant food super easily when I can just cook it or use my meal plan at school. I only have to pay $1k-2k per year at school due to scholarships and financial aid, but it’s still a big chunk (my parents now pay half ever since I quit my job). My biggest vice, however, is legos. I buy so many legos, especially when I’m feeling anxious. They’re a super efficient distraction and a really engaging hobby. Even my parents support it because they see how it calms me and makes me happy. But my issue is that whenever I get any sort of significant money I immediately go to buy legos. I don’t know how to stop or budget or anything or put any of it into a savings account without just taking it right back out. It’s like every other week at this point. + +I need help. How do you all save money? You all know what I do and don’t spend it on, so do you have any tips?",How do I stop spending money???,2 +687,"I had a manic episode about 6 months ago that has completely derailed my life. I quit my dream job (burned professional bridges too), left my home and my Roomate to find another place to live quickly, moved to a city where I knew no one, left personal belongings behind, racked up $14k in credit card debt. I met someone I shouldn’t have trusted and helped him buy a car. Luckily I was able to sell it, but I also bought myself a new car I didn’t need. I am now 10k underwater in a car loan and had to move back in with my parents. I am close to 30 years old. My professional career is destroyed and I lost most of my friendships. The ones I still have now keep me at a distance due to my behaviors. Everyone says that they “didn’t recognize me at all during this time” and I am ashamed. I am unemployed, in debt, and unable to function normally. I have memories surface of the episode still and it sends me into the deepest despair.. +I feel like there is no point in living anymore. I don’t know how to exist in this new reality of my life. + +Anyone who can relate?? Or is my situation just extremely crazy?",Needing advice/support,2 +688,"I detest how no one understands that I’m not okay even when I’m not depressed. + +My hypomanic episodes always start lightly - actually eating properly, cleaning the entire house, talking to people, etc. and people will “congratulate me” (“you finally got up/cleaned the mess you live in”) and are all happy that I’m somehow fine and cured now. + +Then it gets worse and I’ll start to get angry easily, hit stuff, yell at people over the smallest things, get drunk or high with anything close by. I’ll do illegal shit, steal stuff or try to harm myself either by relapsing, staying awake until passing out or straight up attempting suicide because why not. +And everyone blames me for it. In their eyes I am choosing to destroy the supposed progress from my depressive episodes; “Why would you do that to yourself?” and “I thought you were doing better.” No, I’m fucking not. + +It’s dumb I know it shouldn’t make me so angry but I hate that no one around me is capable of grasping the fact that I’ll always be sick- that it’s not something that will just leave. +I can never be happy or proud over the small accomplishments during depressive episodes because any of it could mean I am heading towards hypomania. It’s so tiring.",i hate manic episodes,2 +689,"The up, the down. The middle. Never really feeling normal. Exhausted because of medication. Scared I'm scary. + +Hiding who I am because I'm such a mess and being misinterpreted as a weirdo. Maybe I am a weirdo, I don't know + +I feel so FUCKING.LONELY. + +I can have so much energy, have a bad thought and boom, I'm down for the count. + +I can't stand the mess my house is. I can't stand how hard it is for me to shower sometimes or focus on one thing rather than 80 things at once. + +I just need a break from my god damn brain.",It never fucking ends!,2 +690,"I see a new one today bc my other one sucks and she spends only 5 mins with me over the phone and then charges my ins for a med visit and a therapy session. +I am not sure if I am even on the right meds. I take Wellbutrin 150mg, lamictal 150mg, zyprexa 2.5mg and Zoloft 50mg + +I am Aware of these being super low doses and I guess I need to go up on them. Or go on something better. + +The symptoms I feel are emotions all over the place, anger, talking a lot of shit and causing drama. Talking a lot in general, crying episodes but then fine and happy the next day. I guess this is a mixed episode. I also am struggling with cannabis addiction. Stressed beyond belief bc of my job / boss retaliating against me. + +Considering a medical leave from work. + +Looking for feedback and if someone relates to any of this?",New pdoc today,2 +691,"I’m just very lost right now. A few weeks ago my physical health took a major dive and I’ve been in and out of hospitals since. Along with my physical health went my mental health, and I’m really not doing well right now. Being depressed while also having to make doctors appointments and explaining my situation over and over again is not ideal to say the least. Not to mention I can’t work right now, and I’m probably going to have to quit my job (which i love) soon. I just don’t know how to live like this. It feels like this is all that’s left for me, and I don’t know how to push through it anymore.",How to live like this,2 +692,"Preface: I’m diagnosed for 10 years but deemed stable enough so no treatment outside meds. + +So I don’t have someone else to ask this question to. + +I have been lazy on my medication lately (big mistake), but is anyone else really bored while sleeping while (hypo)manic? Like waking up is a relief? I only sleep for a few hours because of this. + +Just wondering if there’s anyone else, if it’s a symptom or if im just weird☺️",Sleeping is boring?,2 +693,"SH trigger warning + + +So I haven’t SH in like 5 months, but I have some pretty deep scars on my thighs, what do I tell someone if I’m hooking up with them and they see them. I’m really worried it a. Kill the mood b. Bring up a whole lot of stuff I know have to tell them. +I know this might seem like a weird question but I’ve been thinking about it since I stopped cutting",Sex and scars,2 +694,,guess the meds,2 +695," + +Trouble doesn't knock. + +I ask Trouble in.  + +Trouble sits patiently in the corner + +and waits. + +​ + +Oh, Trouble.  + +​ + +I serve you tea.  + +We have a nice conversation.  + +And you leave.  + +​ + +I'm a fucking coward. ",Trouble,2 +696,"I was a really creative person, but nowdays its gone. I dont even daydream anymore. + +Does anyone experiencing the same? + +I can't draw anymore, write stories or poems. My brain feels empty",Im not creative anymore,2 +697,,"Happened upon this and found it pretty cute, so I thought I’d share!",2 +698,"I (25f) started my new job while I was manic and I made so many friends and I felt happy but then the monthish after I realized I was manic. I was drinking every day. I was.. a lot. But they loved it I think. I was fun. I was energy. + +Now I'm on the other side and the timing feels bad. I don't want people to start hating me again. It's not like they actually understand what bipolar is. I want to be more than who I am when im manic but I feel most myself and useful when I am. + +I've tried talking to 7 psychiatrists now, and 4 or 5 therapists. One, who specialized in c-ptsd and bipolar who was also a colored woman I was so excited about, she ghosted me. I don't want to recant my traumas anymore. I can't handle it. I feel like I'm in a whirl pool but I can't tell if it will pull me under or just keep spinning me and spinning me. Boats are passing by but im not drowning so why stop? + +I just need some kind words from people who hear me and not just listen and tell me to wait. I don't know what to do lol",My mania just ended and I think im going to spiral soon,2 +699,"You always hated my poetry, + +Just like you hate me, + +No more trying, + +Some things bother me so I whine, + +If you don’t like the ugliness of me I will put the shades down, + +Might be calmer, + +Probably merrier, + +Don’t want another hospital, + +Just shut it out, + +Bipolar equates to stupidity and a deficit, + +Take care, + +Be it Henan or the Midwest, + +I’m just exhausted and feel hollow, + +Like I have no marrow in my bones.",Marrow,2 +700,"Maybe not none, but just stuck in depression and sadness or extreme anger. I don’t really react to most things… unless it pisses me off. Idk whats wrong with me but I have never felt like this for so long. Like a few days or a week maybe, but I have been like this for a month and its scary. + +I have 1 day left at work (I quit) so hopefully things can get better. My job is definitely a majority of my issues. But my brain and my own bs is out of control.. I’m “stable” on meds but not really feeling great as of late. I did talk to the psychiatrist and changed a dose on my lamictal but not really doing better. I also started therapy a few months back have made a good connection, and had good sessions. + +But I’m stuck. No matter what I do. Try to live life, stick to a schedule, stay tidy and organized, eat well, go to work, exercise, go to therapy, take my meds, do ketamine infusions. Literally I do it all and I am just stuck. And its not pleasant.",Just no more emotions,2 +701,"Psych diagnosed me with cyclothmia (bordering on BP2) and I began treatment for it on Feb 1st. + +Started on Lithium 450mg + Mirtazapine 15mg at night. At first I was super drowsy in the morning and throughout the day, which lasted about 2 and 1/2 weeks. + +March 7th increased to 30mg mirtazapine + one Lithium 450mg nightly and one in the morning. + +Final weeks of February and the present I feel like the 'mania' symptoms are returning; with daily crashes where I feel an overwhelming sense of self-doubt and anxiety about the future. + +I guess I am just posting this to see how others have experienced these meds and whether its possible to continue to experience ongoing/reoccurring symptoms whilst still being medicated. + +Sidenote; I also have ADHD (previously medicated but not currently taking anything) and it took longer than normal to write this post so sorry in advance if it is too vague.",Rapid cycling/unwell while on meds,2 +702,"I lost my job in December after going hypomanic, spent 7 thousand dollars within 3 months, and now I'm falling into a depression. I can't think of one thing I've done right in the past 4 months. I can't keep my house clean or get out of bed most days. I need a job now, but I don't have any idea how I'm gonna get one and keep one as I have physical health issues as well, so retail doesn't really mesh with me. I'm just so mad at myself and at my psychiatrist. Meds don't work even though I take them religiously. And it's not like i haven't found the right combo because I've been on and off meds for 15~ years. I was supposed to start something new, but my new psychiatrist hasn't called it in, and she won't respond to me. I'm just so done and all I want to do is wallow in self pity but i cant because I have a mortgage to pay and I spent all my damn money on something I barely have the energy to care for.",I messed up my life,2 +703,i think i’ve only been able to identify 1 episode of hypomania so far and that was months ago because it was prominent after a long period of a depressive episode. some days i randomly feel really good and energetic mixed with irritability but i can’t really tell if i’m hypomanic or not,Is it normal to not know if you’re in a hypomania episode or not?,2 +704,,Restraint,2 +705,"When depressed, does anyone else find themselves able, when necessary, to put on that ""mask"" that allows you to do life stuff? Left to my own devices I'm a ball of torment in bed. But when I HAVE to get up, I find myself inexplicably, convincingly interacting with people... It's like someone else takes over. As soon as I'm alone again, BAM, the darkness is back. I desire only to be back to being a bed-bound ball of torment once more.","The ""mask""",2 +706,,The Gaze Stares Back - (a piece about my experience with psychosis as a bipolar person),2 +707,"I've never had issues making friends growing up but ever since the onset of my illness, I've had trouble connecting with other people. I feel like an outcast around people and feel like others don't want to get to know me once they talk to me. A lot of times I'm very quiet around people because I don't know what to say. I just had a group project assignment at college the other day and I didn't say a word and just stared at my computer because I didn't have anything to say. I felt anxious and couldn't think with so many people in class talking out loud. I feel like a loser and I'm not sure if this is part of my depression/social anxiety but I hope I can connect with others one day like I used to.",Having difficulty connecting with others,2 +708,"Long story short went to the psych ward 2018 from a stressful episode and ended up in the psych ward + +Got divorced in 2018, +Two months I had a psychotic break because I've never financially supported myself ever and now I need to do it and I really don't know how + +😔😔😔 and now my two adult daughters have totally cut me off, and they were the light of my life!!! + + +Has anyone have this happened to them??","Had 2nd episode, now, my 21& and 23 yo daughters cut me off and it hurts my heart so much to be estranged from them...",2 +709,"Question for y’all with BP2. Does anyone find their mood being all over the place sometimes? Like you feel fine one day, and then you’re depressed and can barely move the next and the next day you feel better? I’ve had this happening to me and I can’t figure out if this is normal?",Emotional state question,2 +710,"Please someone relate to this. I told my friends that I do not like them, for some reason I was expecting them to say “why” , but they all replied with “I don’t like u too” etc. +Then one of them said “stop testing people it’s immature” +I somehow get what she means but why do I do this. I have the urge to cut everyone off, expecting them to come back to me but now I feel like sht",Lost close friends because of my stupid decisions …testing people?,2 +711,"What coping mechanisms have you come up with to help you deal with bipolar? + +I've realized that doing the following things helps me: + +1. Minimizing my alcohol intake - even two beers can send me into a depressive episode. +2. Finding a form of movement that I enjoy doing. For me it's stretching, yoga, and dancing. +3. Human interaction. I can't always stand it, especially when I'm in a depressive episode, but I try to force myself to spend time with friends who I know will be good company. +4. Taking my meds around the same time every day.",What do you do to cope with bipolar disorder in addition to taking your meds?,2 +712,,Got the last OG. Been waiting on generics.,2 +713,"I take 60mg Lurasidone and have been taking it for over a year. I just started taking 50mg of Lamotrigine and I was told it could cause my birth control to be ineffective and vice versa, that the lamotrigine could be less effective bc of the birth control. + +Do you take lamotrigine and have you found a birth control that is effective together? Or did you have to stop taking it? I’m on the pill (norethindrome) if that helps, but I am open to the idea of trying other contraceptives.",Birth control and BP medication,2 +714,"I'm a young girl in her 5th year of medical school that was diagnosed 7 months ago and I feel like this disease it's almost ending with my dreams, I've been having panic attacks and a lot of depression lately and some pairs of mine are bullying me now, they treat me like there is something wrong with me. I'm paralyzed, I don't know what to do, I take all my medicines, go to the therapist, and all of those things, but this is getting over me. + +I'm so tired of this...",It’s been a little while since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II,2 +715,"I've been on lithium and olanzapine for a few months, and I've developed bad acne and spots on my cheeks that I'm really self-conscious about. I used to have such clear skin. I use a benzoyl peroxide spot treatment and a salicylic acid face wash once a day. Anyone have other acne tips? My psychiatrist suggested I see a dermatologist, but I'd want to try something else first.",Acne help?,2 +716,"So... I enjoy drinking but problem is lately I have less tolerance and get easily drunk. +I don't remember anything... I have memory loss +Plus when I'm super drunk I flirt a lot amd would kiss anyone... like last night but really I don't remember anything.. + +Maybe I became drunk faster because I took 2h before 450mg of lithium. And also because I drunk too fast. + +Problem is when I sober I feel disgusted to myself and full of guilt. +I feel so shameless and I just regret everything.",I have a problem with alcol,2 +717,I've been trying to find apps to track not just my overall mood but more so symptoms as I'm currently in a mixed episode. Every app I've installed asks you for your overall mood of the day but currently I'm going from 0 to 100 multiple times during the day and also experiencing symptoms of mania and depression at the same time. Does anyone know of any apps that will be good at tracking this?,Good tracking apps?,2 +718,"Hey guys, + +Blood transfusions are in an all-time low globally! +So please consider donating blood ^^ + +Since there are no international regulations on the criteria for donating wouldn't it be great if everyone here would tell their experience with it and if they are allowed? + + +So I will start: +I live in Germany, take Lamictal (Lamotrigin) and was allowed to donate normally, as long as the medication is relatively stable normally. + + +How was it with you?",Blood donation with BpD,2 +719,"I’ve been diagnosed with a number of physiological disorders including bipolar, depression, anxiety, OCD, and I often feel like I’m lying about my problems or making it up. Can anyone relate?",Doubting diagnoses,2 +720,I'm not getting the help I need but I don't really have anyone to reach out to. My siblings are happy healthy people who I'd rather not bother. My father is an alcoholic who can't take care of me anymore. I often think maybe it's time to throw in the towel. I can't even get my meds without help so is it even worth continuing? All these emotions and a body that barely works. I'm alright I'm not suicidal currently. I just don't care anymore. Maybe I just lay in bed and wait for eternity. Without anyone to rely on this just feels so unbearable.,I'm disabled and bipolar,2 +721,"I recently had a bad manic episode which very quickly descended into bad psychosis. I’m thankfully coming out of it now and am under the care of the crisis team and getting daily home visits. + +However what I’m really struggling with is processing what’s happened to me. I have all these memories of the delusions I was having and how strongly I believed in them, and while I know now that they weren’t real (mostly, I still have flashes of confusion) I’m feeling really rocked by what’s happened. I can’t get over how quickly I lost my grip on reality and how dangerous it was. + +I know it’s normal to feel depressed after something like this, but I guess all I’m looking for is reassurance that I’m not alone with this, and that other people have gone through psychosis and come out the other side. + +Any anecdotes or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Particularly around what recovery was like and how long it took. Thank you.",Recovering from psychosis,2 +722,"I have been thinking a lot about this today and I just want to share some thoughts with you guys. It has been 18 years since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That I live with this is no surprise to anybody who knows me. This disease is so much more nuanced than the typical ""extreme ups and downs"" description it usually receives. I have survived two absolutely devastating depressions, and approximately twenty manic episodes. +Attempting to describe what mania is like is the worst frustration. It happens gradually and then comes upon me like a brick to the face. First I stop sleeping, then the creativity comes. The blank page beckons to me the way freshly baked bread might entice the starving. It is soft at first, subtle even, but the persistent pen-to-page prevails and soon I am unable to make sense of, or even put into context, the hasty and paranoid puzzle of words. Grandiosity accompanies the writing, then the delusions come, and I believe that this puzzle of words is worthy of a Pulitzer. Other things happen too; reckless driving, substance use, rage, impulsivity, irrationality.... Ultimately I surrender to complete psychosis. Saying it is ""a lot"" is an understatement. +I have destroyed and lost relationships with family members and friends because of this illness. I have said and done unforgivable things. But it is my deepest wish that people understand that becoming manic is not a choice, it has happened to me whilst on medication and off alike. I would never choose it. +I'm simply reflecting on all of this today because earlier I read this: Bipolar disorder results in 9.2 years reduction in expected life span, and as many as one in five patients with bipolar disorder completes suicide. (National Institute of Mental Health). +That's the reality. It's my reality. I do not want to ever become a statistic and I want to live as full a life as possible. +Here is what I'm grateful for: I have an incredible support network. I have doctors and therapy. I have the most loving and supportive family and friends, ones who are able to look beyond my illness and recognize that I am not ""me"" in those manic moments. +And I am grateful for the ability to empathize with all those who struggle. We can do together what we could never do alone.",On Moods and Mania,2 +723,"How would you react? Would be angry? Eleven years of med cocktails that never seemed to get it right, you eventually just give up feeling and take your 20mg of Olanzapine every morning because it this point you'd be much sicker from the withdrawal than on the meds themselves. Over a dozen sessions of ECT, no matter what memories stayed or are lost to time, you'll never forget the first of numerous times you were told that you were going to have this illness they handed to you, for the rest of your life. + +Thank you for reading. Writing this was a good vent.","What if you were diagnosed and treated for bipolar 1 for 11 years, but you never actually had it?",2 +724,"i (16ENBY) have been told i show signs of bipolar by multiple professionals. they can’t diagnose me since i’m young though. + +this made me analyze my behaviors and realize when i was manic. + +movies and shows make mania seem fun. it makes it seem like a drug. it can be fun. it can be euphoric. but it’s usually so unbelievably painful. it’s excoriating. + +when i told my friends i was probably bipolar they didn’t really bat an eye, they saw me being reckless and doing risky things and they thought it was fun. + +mania is so much anger. it’s such a deep anger, i can’t explain it and i’ve realized that’s a symptom and not everyone feels it. it’s such a trip. all the things i thought were normal were probably symptoms. + +my friends thought mania was fun, they saw movies of people going out and doing drugs, they saw me going out and doing drugs but when i explained what it’s like they were terrified. and they should be. this isn’t fun. + +bipolar isn’t fun. mania needs to stop being romanticized. your perception of reality shifts, you’re angry, and even more angry that no one can help you. you do reckless things because you just don’t care. you’re filled with so much self hatred and if the consequence isn’t immediate death than it doesn’t matter. + +it’s not fun. i can’t explain how un fun it is. it’s so unstable, you can’t control your emotions, it’s constantly changing. + +it reminds me of Vampire Diaries. when they’re in transition their emotions are magnified. it can be fun but they’re usually a mess, hurting themselves, being destructive, drinking, hating themselves. + +i’m not sure why i made this post. i feel cheated kind of? everyone makes mania seem so fun and crazy and like a movie but it’s scary.",i hate the way media depicts mania,2 +725,"For a few months I've been having more paranoid moments, and they were followed by the feeling of seeing something moving in the corner of my eye. Sometimes I would see sudden movement on the very verge of my vision and it would freak me out, but after that I would always check the thing and it would be a charger slipping off the bed and such. The dark flashes (not the actual real moving stuff) would always leave me disturbed, but I always just freezed in shock and then I was able to rationalise it and calm down. +However, this week I was laying in bed with my partner and when I turned my face to the wall, in the shadow I saw a dark moving shape, like an animal or a black blob of darkness, crawling into the bed. My body immediately started screaming to the point of throat hurting afterwards, I was extremely terrified and scared about our safety. For the first time I was actually staring at something shadowy moving; it wasn't just a sharp movement in the corner of my eye, but something I could look at and it would still be looking absolutely scary. +Are experiences like this hallucinations? before I thought it was just paranoia (oh, I'm scared that someone would break into my flat, so I'm seeing more movements because I'm scared), but that was different. Do you also experience this?",Are those hallucinations?,2 +726,"I am 27 and have a 1.5 year old. I have found that my mania and hypomania is significantly different at this point in my life than when I was in my late teens and early 20s. Back then I gravitated towards dangerous and hypersexual things while manic. Nowadays I don't even have the same thoughts cross my mind. I feel hypomanic for sure right now and I find myself filling my calendar with volunteer opportunities and weekend events to take the kids (I'm a step mom too) to. And honestly I'm super grateful. I used to do the craziest stuff and it was dangerous and unwise. Now- I certainly am aware that I'm putting a lot on my plate right now, but it's all good stuff. I'm trying to lose weight, quit smoking, and find activities to be closer to the community and my kids. I feel like the change is both with aging and also becoming a mother really calmed me down overall.",Mania is changing with age,2 +727,,A painting I made before my diagnosis. It was right there in front of me.,2 +728,,As a side note... we got kittens yesterday :) I'm stressing about it though.. I'm in a depressive phase and it feels like too much. Thank God for my wife at least.,2 +729,"Do you guys/gals tell people you’re dating that you’re bipolar? If so how early into the relationship? I imagine telling someone on the first or second date wouldn’t go over too well, but I also wouldn’t want to feel like I’m deceiving anyone. Just curious what other people think and their experiences",Bipolar and dating,2 +730,"Anybody experience waking through the night to a panic attack? It happened to me twice last night. I can count on one hand the total number of panic attacks I’ve had in my life. Not real sure what that was about. Anxiety has been a problem for me, but not so much with the full-blown panic. Just curious of others who experience them, do they tend to happen in clusters? Do you get them during the daytime too?",Nocturnal Panic Attacks?,2 +731,"I started taking latuda about 7-8 months ago and everything’s been really great until now. It’s helped incredibly and I have had very very little side effects. I do want to say my anxiety has been higher recently too + +A couple months ago I started losing my appetite to where I’d only get hungry in the late afternoon or evening. About a week and a half ago it stopped all together and I’m struggling to eat. + +Now when I try to eat I feel so disgusted by food I’ll start gagging and have to spit out the food or else I’ll throw up. I’ve been living off ensure drinks and trying so hard to make myself eat in between + +I messaged my psychiatrist about everything that’s been going on and she said to see the doctor to rule out the flu. I went. Don’t have the flu. They did every blood test imaginable- everything came back great. I did a Covid test and that was negative. + +After telling my psych the updates she thinks it’s that I’m “not absorbing latuda effectively with my GI symptoms” I don’t think I fully understand what she means. She also suggested that I switch to Zyprexa / olanzapine instead of the latuda. + +I messaged my therapist today hoping for something else I guess and all she asked was if I started the zyprexa. + +Not eating is making me feel so weak and dizzy and I feel so sick all the time. I want to just eat normally again so bad. + +I’m just wondering if anyone else ever experienced anything like this with latuda?",Does anyone experience loss of appetite from Latuda?,2 +732,"I take 50mg of seroquel every night for sleep and I am convinced it’s working as an antipsychotic as well! It’s the only antipsychotic I’m on. + +Has anyone else had a similar experience with a (very) low dose antipsychotic?",Experiences with low dose antipsychotics?,2 +733,I haven't taken my medication in months because I lacked health insurance and could not find someone to sign off on prescriptions. I have insurance now and can afford my medication. Has any of you started medication after being off it for some time? What was it like? Should I be worried I'll have an episode?,Medication,2 +734,"So I’ve been on oxcarbazepine for a month now and I’ve had a lot of the side effects. Fatigue, low sodium, headaches, stiff joints, etc. most have been resolved by getting more sodium in but one side effect is that my gums are super sensitive or bleeding? It started like a week ago but when I brushed my teeth on day the bottom of my canine and some molars started bleeding. I floss regularly and suddenly they were super sensitive. +Does anyone else deal with this side effect and know if it improves? This medication is working really well for me but my gums do hurt a bit right now and I really hope they improve. + +I am on 300 mg of oxcarbazepine, 150 mg of Effexor xr, and have bipolar type 2.",oxcarbazepine gums bleeding side effect?,2 +735,"I'm awfully sorry if this question has been posted before, could find anything on this. Fellow bipolar 2 here. + +I've been on meds for more than a year now, 5 months of which I was on antidepressants only cus my doctor and I both thought it was depression (as is pretty common). Since I got diagnosed she put me on mood stabilizers+antidepressants. But I keep having to change meds altogether bc after 2-3 months they just stop working. + +I wonder, is that a normal thing? Or is it a sign that something's up with my diagnosis and/or treatment? Will appreciate all of your input.",Meds keep losing effect — is that normal?,2 +736,"Hey all, + +I was recently diagnosed bipolar 1 but am sitting in the tattered remains of my life, wondering how I could have believed what I did. + +I first felt symptoms of mania and intense narcissism this summer (I’m 28 yrs old). I had recently gone through a breakup with my partner of 6 years, had fallen in love with my female best friend (first queer experience) and she did not reciprocate my feelings, and my workload had become incredibly overwhelming. + +I started losing weight and hair, had a stress rash on my body and was experiencing fluctuating feelings between paranoia to believing the universe was speaking to me directly. + +But theres a delusion I am struggling with the most, that has left me feeling horrid and unforgivable. I believed my wonderful boss of 3 years had emotionally abused me, and was the reason I was experiencing mania and psychosis. I believed this so hard I convinced myself and my therapist/psychiatrist I had PTSD, and that my boss and workplace were all to blame. I told so many people this was what happened to me, because I truly believed it. I blocked my boss on everything and didn’t talk to her for 6 months. + +This January I finally looked back at the texts that I thought “proved” I was abused, and found nothing but support and concern from a woman who never did anything but treat me with respect. + +How the hell does this happen? Has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Honestly I’ve been feeling suicidal since the realization- I got fired from my job for other mistakes I made while manic, but I don’t know how to tell I everyone I talked to that what I believed for the last 6 months was a total lie. + +Please help 😣",Please Help: Months long delusion of abuse from manic episode - is this normal?,2 +737,"Hi. This post could be triggering to others with imposter syndrome, so I want to start off by saying that these are my own anxieties, my goal here is to know if anyone else has felt this way and if they've been able to circumvent it. + + +I was officially diagnosed with BP2 by my psychiatrist in the fall, but had previously been diagnosed with a general mood disorder and major depressive disorder, and a suggestion of cyclothymia from a therapist. Bipolar 2 makes sense to me, it tracks with situations and periods of my life where I was feeling unnaturally confident and ""fun"" in a dangerous way, and more often, the periods where I've been unable to get out of bed or the house for weeks. + + +Still, I have this weird fear of learning more about Bipolar Disorder, because there's a part of me that fears that if I read about it in-depth, I might start mirroring symptoms that I don't usually experience. Sometimes this includes even browsing or participating in this sub and r/bipolar2. + +I think being medicated with varied success also plays into that, but I also think that's just a common bipolar experience: you find good meds and then you wonder if you're even bipolar. I feel that way when they work, but I keep on taking them. And then I will have breakthrough depression after years of being more stable on meds, and I wonder if it's a sign that I have something else wrong with me. + + +So, to those that have survived imposter syndrome... How? Is there a way to not be afraid to learn about your own medically diagnosed disorder... Or to just accept that I have this disorder, without constantly questioning myself?",Imposter Syndrome and anxiety about learning more about this disorder,2 +738,"I recently found out that I'm bipolar and I've suffered from it for a long time. I tend to procrastinate too much, but sometimes I get focused on things that aren't so useful. I really want to go to university, but I'm afraid I won't keep it until the end. From being depressed lying in bed or hypomanic focused on other matters. Does anyone have any tips to help me? 😱",Being bipolar and having big dreams. 😵‍💫,2 +739,"Hi, I hope this is allowed here. Wasn't sure if I should post it here or somewhere else. It's kinda really hard to post this. + +So, I have bipolar mania. I haven't received treatment for it in years. I would love to eventually get treatment. I also am pretty sure I have an incurable STD. (Not asking for any diagnoses or anything.) + +Is it okay to ask if anybody else does too? I have this very strong feeling I'm not good enough to have friends or relationships because of all these things. ie to keep people safe away from me/no one wants to be around someone like that probably. This makes it easier when I'm having a depressive episode to push everyone away without thinking I'm doing so. I feel like just the thought makes my depressive episodes worse. + + Does anybody else feel this way? How do they get through feeling this way? I'm constantly trying to convince myself that I still deserve to have a good happy life and people that love me. Would you be friends with someone if you knew that they had an incurable disease?",Bipolar Disorder and Incurable Stds,2 +740,"Is suicidal ideation recognised as a symptom of bipolar or as a consequence of bipolar? +I tend to rationalize it as a symptom. And that helps to create separation between brain and person . What do you guys think , I'm coming onto lithium . Feeling alot of emotions ATM . Love you all x",Rationalising IDEATION,2 +741," +I am finally stabile after half a year of searching for the right drug and dosage. However, what happens is that I feel that I do not function well verbally, I am too apathetic, asocial and in some situations it happens that I do not understand what people want to say to me or that I cannot express my thoughts (not always, but sometimes). Before the onset of the disorder, I was witty, more open to people, I expressed myself very well verbally, and some people considered me smart because of that trait. Now I feel that I am losing that quality and the question is how to solve these difficulties? What are your experiences with dialectical cognitive therapy?",Finally stabilized but...,2 +742,"I've had BP1 what appears to be my whole life and saw all the chaos as just part of who I was and that was okay. Now that I've been working towards getting stable I've looked back and realised just how bad I've been and how bad I've hurt people (including myself). + +I've let go of the guilt now and im happy that I've committed to getting better for the future, but part of me feels sad with my brain feeling so quiet. I feel empty and boring and like what made me ""me"" is now gone so I'm having to relearn this healthier version of myself? It feels so scary for some reason. I also feel like I can't explain that to anyone who doesn't have what we have, partly brcause I don't want to as I feel like I should be happy that I'm doing so well and finally feel at peace. I hope this makes sense and I also hope that I'm not the only one that's going through/has gone through this. + +If you have, how can you make this easier :( I definitely won't give up on my meds/therapy for the sake of the people I love and my future, but it does feel so tempting to stop and go back to what feels familiar.",Mourning over becoming stable?,2 +743,,Guess the pills (hint: they're pm),2 +744,"I was diagnosed with BD 6 years ago, and received my BPD diagnosis yesterday. + +From what I get - from the internet - the major difference is that BPD alone does not experience mania, hence the BD diagnosis. + +Has anyone else in this sub been diagnosed with both? How would you describe it? How's life?",Bipolar and borderline,2 +745,"for me it feels like an entire lifetimes worth of depression, low self worth, is compressing itself into a few hours/days. i can’t stop crying, i can’t laugh, i can’t smile or anything. i feel nothing and everything all at once x10.",what does your depressive episode look/feel like?,2 +746,"I’m curious as to how many people have both Bipolar and ADHD, do they go hand and hand? + +When I found out I had bipolar, I soon after ended up in the hospital, I was taken off of Adderall, claiming it’s not for people with bipolar. Well, it’s been months now on my bipolar meds and I’m still struggling to focus on anything. + +The other day I took Adderall from my backup stash and it’s the first time in months I had hope. So, last night I spoke to my new psych about it and she’s putting me on something else (can’t remember the name), but not Adderall. Here’s hoping it works. + +If you take Adderall, how does it make you feel? If you take something else for your ADHD, please tell me more.",Bipolar and ADHD,2 +747,"Once in the land of Whippety-Woo, +Where the Squibberpops squibbered, and the Flobberjops flew, +A creature named Zeebie lived high in a tree, +Where it twisted and twined in a squiggly spree. + +Now Zeebie was special, you see, my dear friend, +For the way he would feel seemed to twist and to bend. +Sometimes Zeebie would zip and would zoom, +Like a rocket ship blasting straight past the moon! + +""I'm on top of the world!"" he'd exclaim with great cheer, +Bouncing high on the clouds, without any fear. +He'd giggle and wiggle and dance all day long, +Singing sweet Zeebie songs in a voice loud and strong. + +But there were days when Zeebie felt quite the opposite, +His energy vanished, as if swallowed by a Glopit. +He'd mope and he'd grope for the light in the dark, +His once-sparkling eyes now a mere flickering spark. + +The creatures of Whippety-Woo began to see, +That Zeebie's behavior was not as it should be. +They'd all gather 'round, full of worry and care, +But their words couldn't lift him from his deepest despair. + +One day, as Zeebie lay down in the shade, +A wise Flippety-Flop hopped along and displayed, +A great book of wisdom, with secrets so grand, +It could help Zeebie balance and finally understand. + +""You see, my dear Zeebie,"" the Flippety-Flop said, +""It seems that your feelings are not in your head. +A thing called Bipolar has made you this way, +But I'm here to help, so please don't dismay!"" + +The Flippety-Flop opened the book with a grin, +And as they read, Zeebie's eyes widened within. +He learned of the ups, of the downs, and the swings, +And how he could manage these challenging things. + +""Take time for yourself, dear Zeebie,"" it said, +""Find comfort in quiet, and rest your sweet head. +When you're feeling quite high, try to harness your glee, +And channel your energy through art, dance, or a spree."" + +""And when you're feeling quite low, in a pit of despair, +Please remember, dear Zeebie, that we'll all still be there. +Reach out to a friend or a Whippety-Woo, +For they'll help you get through, and they'll see you pull through."" + +As Zeebie absorbed these new lessons so wise, +He wiped away tears that welled up in his eyes. +The Flippety-Flop smiled and patted his back, +Then hopped off into the sunset, his bag tightly packed. + +With new tools in hand, Zeebie set out to try, +To find balance and peace beneath the bright sky. +He'd still have his ups, and he'd still have his downs, +But he knew that his friends in the Whippety-Woo town, Would always stand by him, through thick and through thin, No matter how high or how low he'd begin. +For Zeebie was loved, and he'd always be so, +A creature with feelings, and a heart that would grow. + +So remember, dear reader, this story so true, +When life gets you down, or your feelings construe. +There's always a way to find balance and peace, +In a world full of love, where friendships won't cease. + +*This story was AI generated.",Dr. Seuss Style Bipolar Story,2 +748,"So for a few weeks I've been wondering if I was going on a hypomanic episode. Ive been diagnosed bp 2 a year ago and since medicated, found a combo that works for me since november 22. Before that it was either really depressed and a bit of mixed and latest major hypomanic episode in summer 2021. + +So it had been a while and the thing is, I'm still very slow and sleep a lot, but compared to before when I slept 10-12 hours a night every 24h now I still sleep 10-12h but I stay awake 24h+ multiple times a week. + +Last friday I went to my psychiatrist and he asked me if I had any hints of impulsivity that could indicate hypomania, specifically spznding, sex and substance abuse (ya know the usual menu). +And I thought about it for a moment (in retrospect I was making up excuses that would make things logical) and then said no, just spending but for necessary stuff. + +And here I am exactly a week later, wearing one of my two new wigs that arrived from aliexpress yesterday (I had only bought one super cheap one before), been smoking weed since monday and unpacking my new dildo in my newly fairyland garden themed decorated kitchen. Oh also received 150 bucks worth of beauty products (I've never done skincare before in my life except sheet masks and face creams from aldi). +For clarification I bought it all before seeing my psychiatrist and smoking again. + +How could I not see it??? +And im still doubting it while also having a super intense and insane to the point it's and unhealthy crush on someone ?? + +Who am I kidding...",So it's back,2 +749,"As the title says my psych is leaving the company she works for. My last appt was 3 days ago and she told me to reschedule and gave me new doses for my meds without saying anything about quitting. + +Now Idk what to do. I had built a rapport with her. Now I have to start over. Smh. + +This sucks and I don't want to relapse.",Psych is leaving.,2 +750,"**Trigger warning:abuse,suicidal** + +This is really just a rant since I have no one to talk to and I'm tired of emotion dumping on the couple friends i have left. +It's been awhile since I've hit depression this hard. At one point I had a car, a full time job, my own place, a boyfriend and friends. I sold my car last year during mania. I struggle to find a job that works for me or i dont run away from so I have very little money now. (I'm looking for work again). I live at home with family and now my abusive,erratic, alcoholic brother has moved in. I'm scared for my safety but I have no where else to go. Last year I got a peace order on him out of fear and didn't have to worry about him coming by but my family lashed out on me for it and threatened to put me out if I didnt take it off. My mom let's me use her extra car that she told me she'd give me but changes her mind every other week or when shes angry. Shes let me live with her and help out with the house for some years not but shes tired of me and how I cant ever finish what I start. Or how I hyperfixate on things but haven't made any money. She gets verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and in the past when this happens I leave but now I have no where to. This week I've been taking the car and doing everything I can to make some progress. I even made an appointment with a new therapist and filled out job applications. I'm not on medication or anything. Yesterday it hit me I've been crying on and off now since last night. I feel helpless and alone. My brother moving in is the last of all I can take. I feel like I put up a solid fight but idk what I'm pushing for now. I've literally ruined my life.",Feeling like giving up.,2 +751,"After 8 years, I'm back in the saddle trying new meds. What advice do you have? + +What I remember from last time: +- plan nothing for the first few days +- don't expect to be able to drive +- read nothing about side effects +- stockpile couch activities (shows, movies, games)","New med, who dis? (advice please)",2 +752,"sometimes the smallest things set me off, a change in tone, the smallest little hurtful thing makes me feel absolutely crazy. triggered a depressive ep or destructive ep, and it's getting progressively harder to manage. +anyone else?",do you get triggered easily?,2 +753,"I saw my psychologist this Monday after going what felt like through a tornado of emotions of the weekend, I was so happy one minuet and then crying the next and getting upset and then excited. I told her about how usually this lasts for a few weeks and then I can’t get out of bed only to walk my dogs or do the bare minimum. She said that I had bipolar and my whole world stopped….like I just thought I was always just an “intense” person who felt a lot…I’ve never felt like I was superhuman or had the sort of manic episodes I’ve seen on TV…I’m just really surprised.",Just diagnosed?,2 +754,,"Been manic as hell for the past week. I hyperfocused on Tetris: Effect and beat it now on beginner, regular, AND expert difficulty 😁",2 +755,"Was discussing music on another post, it makes me wonder…. which songs do you listen to when you’re in the depths of this illness? Or experiencing the highs? I always love music suggestions. I’ve found the best artists this way. Share with me lol! + +One song I sing loudly in the shower is 1x1 by Bring Me The Horizon. The lyrics remind me so much of what I go through.",What songs hit your soul?,2 +756,"Mania is exciting. +When it comes , I embrace it. but am I refusing to let it go because I feel in control? +But am I really, or is this just a delusional sense of stability? + +Will we ever really know if we can trust all of our emotions and comprehension? + +Baffled by life. Constantly.","Am I triggering my own episodes intentionally, or is this all just one giant episode?",2 +757,"I went through a hypomanic/ mixed episode for the past two and a half weeks that came to a head on Wednesday, resulting in SI. I’m no longer experiencing the SI and had a med change, but was asked if I’d be open to a PHP. Today I received the intake phone call, and they want me to start next Wednesday. +If my existence within the bipolar lens is continuously cycling and from stable to unstable—if I’m no longer experiencing the SI do I still participate in the PHP? I don’t currently have any providers other than my psychiatrist, which is definitely an issue. I’m also worried about taking the time off work because I have a big project due soon and my colleague is out. +All in all, it’s only 5-7 days so do I do the one thing I have been putting off for years because of school and career, or do I put myself first and participate? Is it worth the time, effort, and disappointment of my boss, knowing that I’m going to cycle for the rest of my life?",to PHP or not to PHP,2 +758,"I was just diagnosed as bipolar a few months ago, even though for the last 10 years I've been telling them that I thought I was. I have manic episodes but they only last a couple days, then I go straight back into depression. When I am depressed I completely withdraw from society and go into my shell. I won't answer the phone or texts, and I avoid doing any tasks because of a complete lack of motivation, and some sort of fear about dealing with things that might be unpleasant. + + I'm on short term disability from work for this and an autoimmune disease, and I need to turn in papers by March 23rd from my doctor ir else they will not approve my claim. I've been laying here in bed for days, not bathing, and in this cycle of not doing the paperwork but then feeling guilty about it, and its fucking miserable. + +I know that avoiding the paperwork is only causing me to make the anxiety and problem worse, but even the thought of likely losing my job isn't enough to overcome the lack of motivation. I'm about to call my doctor and ask about a change of med dosage. I guess I just wanted to vent to someone that might understand what I'm going through.",So frustrated with myself...,2 +759,"I’ve been using GoodRx for some time now, and I’m so glad I found it. Some of my meds cost hundreds of dollars, with an insurance discount of 60% — but under $10 with GoodRx. Back when I took Seroquel, the out-of-pocket rate was about $700, with insurance $280, and with GoodRx $20. + +Medication costs have absolutely gone through the roof, even with employer plans. But for meds that offer generic, the cost is ridiculously less expensive with the app! + +Mom’s oncologist prescribed her an anti-nausea medication, and I texted him to ask if there was a less expensive option considering CVS wanted to charge me $220 for a month’s supply. He was livid! He said CVS had been charging the old-brand name price for the generic for not only that med, but several others that his patients had informed him of. He advised me to download the GoodRx app, and I paid $10. + +Just sharing as an FYI, as I’m on multiple meds that I used to pay way more than I should have been previously!! All mine are under $20, and only one is over $10. I’d be paying close to $1,000/month otherwise!",GoodRx vs. insurance,2 +760,"When I first started using cannabis it was clear it didn't jive with my mental health disorder. + +Once I got stabilized I reintroduced cannabis and it's been a really great thing for my routine. I know that 70% of bipolar people have issues with it, but I really like it. + +It's fantastic for me but I feel guilty for using it with bipolar? People act like if you use cannabis while bipolar you're going to act like you're on PCP or some crazy shit. + +Should I be feeling guilty because I use cannabis medically? Is there some extreme danger I don't know about? I'm so much higher functioning now, I can socialize again and finish projects and not sleep 500 hrs from depression. It's definitely not right for everyone, but it's helping me so much. Anyone else have this experience?",Cannabis & Bipolar Disorder,2 +761,"i feel so lost in the world and i’ve been cutting off a lot of friends, feeling mentally and physically exhausted, not eating as much, crying and relapsing way more. + +it sucks feeling this way and my mother keeps yelling at me about my college grades even though i’m trying my hardest, both my parents and other family members keep telling me i’m not doing enough or i’m not even trying. and it makes me feel so sad because i don’t even feel like my old, smart self anymore. i just feel like a shell of someone who used to have dreams and actually even smile. + +i just want to be happy but every day seems to be piling and piling up and so are suicidal thoughts. every day more and more thoughts flood my mind and it’s been getting unbearable in a way. i am not certain if i would ever act on them, i want to say that i wouldn’t, but i can fully 100% say that. + +and i feel invisible, nobody at school cares if i show up. my family and relatives treat me like an alien. my crush has been dry with me, and i feel like i could run out in the street and just scream and nobody would even bat an eye. + +i just feel so tired and lonely.",I don’t know what is wrong with me,2 +762,I believe I’m in my first true mixed episode and I have to say I think I rather just be depressed or manic. Being both at the same time is driving me insane. One day I’m signing myself up to go out and be social and the next I’m wondering why I ever thought that was a good idea in the first place. I hate it. Suicidal this hour and then normal a couple hours later. I just had to rant because it feels like I have 10 different people inside my head and I’m not sure which one I’m waking up with each morning. Anyone relate? I’m on Vraylar currently and just started Buspar for anxiety.,Mixed episodes are worse than mania or depression.,2 +763,,the unwilling sinner,2 +764,"As a teen who got diagnosed with bipolar on the first year of high school, I found that there's a huge negative stigma surrounding bipolar between some of my friend groups and my school as well. + +So I just want advice on 2 things: + +What are some common misconceptions/things that you find annoying when people say it + +And what can I do to address it?",what do you think are the most annoying things about how people view bipolar?,2 +765,So I’m in a depressive episode today. It’s bad. I have nowhere to be so this was a good time for it. However I’m trying to reach out to people to work through it and no one is responding. My delusion rn is that they all aren’t responding on purpose and they want me to die. I don’t know what to do. It’s just me and my dog rn and I can’t find my headphones so I can’t take him on a walk without worrying about things getting worse because I’m alone with my thoughts.,I think I’m heading into depressive psychosis,2 +766,"I have things/people in my life that I am grateful for. But I’m deeply unhappy. + +I have goals, but they seem unattainable. I know what I have to do to feel more satisfied, more fulfilled but it really seems like an uphill battle. + +I need to lose a lot of weight that I gained because of meds and overeating due to stress, trauma, and fucked up hunger cues from the meds. I need to get a better paying job so I can afford to live on my own and not live paycheck to paycheck or work a part time in addition to my full time. + +Then I have my grander goals like grad school, getting married and starting a family, moving up in my career. + +I’m just so deeply unhappy with where I currently am and how hard I have to work on top of managing my mood swings. So much so that I frequently contemplate just giving up on being alive at all. + +I had to put my dog to rest this week and the week leading up to it and this week, I’ve pretty much let my routine go. I don’t shower frequently enough, I don’t do my skincare, I don’t eat well (but I’m still not losing weight), I barely manage 20-30 min of exercise which my partner so “helpfully” points out is not enough if I’m serious about losing weight. And every meal I skip, my mother cheers me on because I “have fat to sustain [me] anyway.” + +I feel close to a breakdown. I want to give up so badly. I’m what high functioning looks like. Miserable and barely holding on.",I have moments when I’m deeply unhappy and I don’t know how to cope.,2 +767,"After long three weeks of depression and a total sudden mood elevation that's been going on for a week now, my psychotherapist and my psychiatrist - and actually most of my loved ones, who aren't healthcare workers, even - all think that I have bipolar type 2. My psychotherapist sent me links to educate myself on the topic and now I feel completely UNDERSTOOD? I feel like now much much much of my crises actually make SENSE now?! I thought it was just normal in MDD to have sudden peaks of good mood, uninhibition, hypersexuality, agitation, euphoria, insomnia, energy, you name it. I thought it was normal for people with it, but now as I'm reading about bipolar everything make sense now????!!!!!! I'm so happy to (probably) have found one of my diagnoses, but it is also a lot to unpack and I'll be needing to so some work with myself to stop gaslighting my own thoughts and understand that it's all okay. I've posted about what's going on with my mental health in social media and actually found out that a LOT of my friends and colleagues are bipolar as well, and they understand me so much. At first I was sad because I thought there was no one I could talk to that would understand what I was going through, but speaking what's on your mind can actually help you even reconnect (as I did) with old friendships. I feel a lot more in peace now, and I don't even got a diagnosis yet, but I understand now that what happens with me is common and I'm not alone. Today is my 3rd day with the change of my meds from a MDD treatment to a bipolar one. Still quite hypomanic but I'm positive that everything's gonna be alright in the end. :)",My psychotherapist and my psychiatrist are almost sure I'm bipolar,2 +768,"does anyone ever feel like they just don’t even have bipolar anymore. i know i do and it’s never gonna go away and the way i’ve been feeling is literally me BEING BIPOLAR but sometimes i feel the same way for so long that i just feel like it’s gone. i’ve been in what feels like a constant depressive episode since august even though i know i have had bouts of mania or psychotic episodes but i just feel like they didn’t last as long or weren’t as severe as they usually are. i got my meds upped around the time the mania calmed down so i know it’s a good thing but i can’t help but feel like it’s bad. it’s not that i don’t want to be better it’s just that im so used to feeling insane constantly and i feel like now that everything has calmed down a little it feels like it’s just over. i’ve been so depressed since november that it’s so hard for me to get out of bed and take care of myself at all most days and i hate it. i also hate how fast i switch up and how i go from laughing and feeling normal to being extremely angry and crying. that’s another thing, i feel like i’ve developed these huge anger issues and i’ve been lashing out and being so mean to everyone for no reason. i have such a hard time verbally apologizing so it makes me feel even more like shit. i feel like im never going to be able to live a normal life or like genuinely feel better and have it last lol. i feel like i can’t handle or cope with anything the way i used to and i’ve just become so mad at the world. i havent self harmed since last summer and i know it’s a huge achievement but sometimes i feel like it was keeping me grounded in a way. idk if anyone else ever feels like that. i just hate being stupid",sometimes i feel like im just fine,2 +769,"I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around 4 months ago and since then I have been doing some research. + +I can hear a couple of voices in my head, they are always making fun of my choices or telling me jokes. I do not know any other people with bipolar disorder and sometimes I feel like i was miss diagnosed. + +Can you hear voices as well? + +Btw English is my second language please do not judge me hehe. + +Thanks in advance.",Can you hear other voices in your head?,2 +770,"my fiancé and i are planning on starting IUI treatments to have a baby this summer and i wanted to know peoples experiences with pregnancy and postpartum while having bipolar 1 since i don’t have anyone to ask. one of my main concerns is having to go off of my meds (i take oxtellar and latuda) and even though i haven’t had a bad manic episode in a few months, i know how bad they can get and i’m scared going off will trigger even more severe psychosis or psychotic episodes. i just wanted advice on if anyone stayed on medication while pregnant and if it was okay, or if you went off and how it went for you? and how you felt after you gave birth, because i’m scared of having bad postpartum depression or postpartum mania. i know there’s nothing you can really do to prevent it, but if anyone has any tips or advice on anything or even just being a parent with bipolar, i would love to hear from you and your experiences!",pregnancy,2 +771,"Hi all I just wanted to announce that I’m applying for disability for the first time. Was just looking for anyone to shed some light on this process and tell me the good, the bad, the ugly. Thanks in advance",Disability,2 +772,"I (28F) had a psychiatrist in the hospital when I was admitted in December. They put me on the aristada shot and sent me on my way. I don't know how to get back in contact with them or how to get a new psychiatrist (I'm in Maryland). + +I have been having tremors in my body and anhedonia. I may have missed my second shot by a week. I just want a psychiatrist to tell me what to do next. I have a nurse practitioner for meds and a primary care physician who gave me the second shot. + +Thank you all for your help.",What to do to get a psychiatrist?,2 +773,"I almost impulsively quit my job without anything lined up. I was beyond stressed out, and put in a two weeks during an episode. Once the episode passed and reality started to hit me, I went to my boss and explained myself. Luckily, he's a really chill boss, and after talking a bit, we decided to come to an agreement about lessening my workload to help ease the stress I feel at work. But, y'all, this disorder is no joke. I almost put myself in a very bad situation. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I hate how this disorder can quickly mess up my life if I'm not careful.",I hate having bipolar,2 +774,Noctamid 2mg does nothing to me 😪 I’m tired of trying these sleeping pills. They either make me feel like a zombie the next day or nothing at all. Anyone w experience? (Lormetazepam),Can’t sleep,2 +775,"Hey everybody, + +I am currently struggling with impulse control about my weed and alcohol abuse. I'm on medication currently. I want to know which medicines help you in impulse control. I'm prescribed Escitalopram 10mg in day and Valproate CR 750mg at night. Tho I'm right now using way less VS when I was not on medication.",Impulse control,2 +776,they are going to take this down because they want us to have all our problems solved by pills. everything I want to say about what happened to me and other people is being covered up by big money hungry corporations.,bipolar is so metabolic,2 +777,"I just can’t get it out of my head that I’m not. + +But this past January I: + +-thought I was an Aztec chased by jaguars and loved the feeling of fighting for my life. It was exhilarating. + +-thought the Starbucks mermaid lady was laughing at me and that walls were moving. Also heard some voices. + +-walked through puddles in the rain and got my clothes and shoes sopping wet because I thought I’d be reincarnated as a mentally healthy person + +-saw cameras where there were none + +-thought people on the bus were plotting to kill me + +-thought an escalator was gonna eat me + +-kept dissociating + +-pretended to eat my fingers like they were chicken tenders, looked in the mirror and thought my mouth was full with my fingers and laughed at myself, then I was horrified. + +-in my head was thinking “I must grab the skin and scooped it out” and realized I was picking at my face and stopped myself + +-overall I was unstable for around 2 weeks + +-was incredibly depressed for around a month afterwards + +But I was able to reality check. I was very agitated but I worked okay and hid the symptoms successfully and let myself enter the other world when I was alone. I don’t remember how sleep went but it wasn’t bad. I took myself to the hospital when I almost walked into traffic bc I was dissociating badly and terrified by the mix of suicidal/self-destructive thoughts and intense glee. But I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and then later at a php another psychiatrist confirmed the diagnosis? + +And these past four days I’ve had unbearable amounts of energy. Rock climbed for hours. Disappeared in music to the point that I forgot I was listening to music and the noises scared me. Everything feels so good. It feels good on my fingers to type this. I can feel the energy of cars passing by. I can feel the patterns of tree branches. Also irritated with other people at points (they talk too slow!). Have had trouble sleeping and feel fine. Felt connected to the universe. Felt funny in my head. I’m on lithium so I’m self aware and I don’t get as many bizarre thoughts as I did the first time around. + +But I don’t get the urge to buy things. On this subreddit people say they buy things but I don’t do that. And now Im beginning to feel a bit of sleepiness and mania has to last seven days to be mania, doesn’t it? I feel like I’m faking it. I see some symptoms align with bp but I’m thinking of stopping my medication and then I’ll see if this is truly mania/hypomania. I just don’t know. + +How do you know you’re not faking it?",How do I accept that I’m bipolar?,2 +778,"i am doing so bad. i am so suicidal, depressed, and just feel terrible all around. i’ve been doing so many things that are bad for me lately like sh, skipping meds, and drinking when i have an illness that is triggered by alcohol. i’m probably about to end up in a mental hospital again and school is just too much for me to deal with on top of everything else. i am constantly so stressed out about my school work and grades and it is making my mental health so much worse. all i want to do is drop out, i just can’t do it anymore. life feels like way too much. i wish i was dead.",considering dropping out of school. everything is just too much lately.,2 +779,"I feel like I’m going insane, nobody wants to see me or listen to me. I feel like crying myself to sleep, I don’t have any intention to harm or hurt myself but I just feel lonely. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe don’t know but I told my friend I wanted to hang out today and he said he was busy with homework which is understandable I guess. But, why do I feel like he’s going to avoid me forever? I’ve had so many people leave my life because of this stupid bipolar disorder they think I’m insane. I’m just mad at myself, I feel like this is going to be read as “Calm down, you’re overreacting.” But I feel like breaking down, today was supposed to be good I ate with my mom at a restaurant together but now I feel horrible.",Hello,2 +780,"Sometimes I feel like it's a merry go round. I've been on so many that I've lost count. Off the top of my head Lithium, Ambien, Trazadone, Risperdal, Depakote, Temazepam, Seroquel, Perphenazine, Zoloft, Abilify, Wellbutrin, currently on Latuda. I'm sure there's others but just don't remember them. I've had side effects from the majority of them. + +Lithium destroyed my thyroid and caused me to gain weight rapidly, Risperdal made me incredibly stiff in the mornings where it was hard to get out of bed, Zoloft made me yawn for zero reason constantly, Seroquel made me aggressive and hard to wake up. + +So far Latuda has been pretty good no side effects that I can think of other than the gagging when I saw the retail price.",How many meds have you tried?,2 +781,"Imagine my surprise when I go into my psych appointment expecting to get diagnosed with ADHD and getting diagnosed with bipolar instead :’/ I was prescribed Vraylar and I’m honestly terrified of taking it. I’ve read the side effects and damn, it makes me so anxious and sad and mad that I was even diagnosed. I honestly don’t even know if my diagnosis is right? I don’t really experience mania as I’ve seen other people describe it. Idk, im feeling pretty down and don’t know what to do, im considering not even taking my meds but I’ve heard that you should absolutely take your meds if you have BD, idk, anything might help",Just got diagnosed yesterday,2 +782,"My hallucinations are far and few. When they happen it scares the shit out of me. How many of you experience them? Mine are mainly auditory. If I'm in a paranoid state I see figures in the corner of my eye but as soon as I turn no one is there. I've had one physical one a few years ago. I was driving and I felt someone grip my left shoulder. The only one in the car was my sleeping toddler strapped in his carseat. Tonight I thought I saw a blanket on my couch move, and I heard specifically clear as day, my fb messenger ding four times. Checked them, nothing. No spam, no requests, no calls. I'm petrified of this getting worse. They only seem to flare up when I'm under intense stress.",Hallucinations,2 +783,"Hi everyone, + +I have been seeing the same therapist for almost two months now. While I think we are working well together, I am getting the feeling that I am repeating myself every session. + +I just can't help but overthink my whole life. This tends to obsessively question my career, constant negative self talk, and occasional suicidal ideation (although I could never take action, so its mostly more self torture). I'm eating maybe 1 to 2 meals a day, inconsistently showering, never doing laundry, and so lethargic that I mostly just lay down and watch tv/YouTube whenever I get home from work. I don't take walks, I don't try to think positively, I don't really exercise, I don't practice gratefulness, etc etc. I feel like a loser, but the thing is...I don't make any effort to change or feel better. + +My therapist keeps clearly telling me this rumination is simply not beneficial. I know this is true, but it feels impossible to stop. I can't feel better without taking action (again, total agreement with my therapist), but taking action is so hard. Its getting to the point where I am thinking I am comfy in my misery. I no longer have hypomanic phases thanks to medication, but at least when I was hypomanic I was putting in effort to better myself. This nonstop depression is so consistent, I am beginning to hypothesize that its not really depression, but me continuously self sabotaging myself and always blaming it on something external. + +Can anyone relate? Would you say this is just more negative rumination or overthinking? If not, how does one shake the refusal to take action for their own sake?",I Am Worried I Actually Don't Want to Get Better,2 +784,"38m. February 2022, I finalized my divorce. I had been trapped in a dysfunctional marriage for 7 years. During those years, I was incredibly stable, but incredibly over medicated. Towards the end when things were at their worst, I was alone self medicating with alcohol. During those years, I was on Venlafaxine, Seroquel, and Lamotragine. + +In February, with a fresh start to life, I started exercising and eating better. I stayed away from my phone and computer, and I would go out and socialize. I started looking better and feeling better. Knowing the side effects of the meds, I started tweaking the dosages. Seroquel in particular is incredibly sedating, so I thought I could go down a natural route, managing my bipolar with healthy stress management. I saw improvements. I had more energy, my rest was better. I kept lowering the dosages and kept seeing improvements with my mood and energy. I was aware of the risk of mania, so I was very acute in getting enough sleep, and if I needed to, I would use seroquel more as a PRN. + +Fast forward to June, and this slope lead me to a path where I was completely off all medication. I was making strides in all areas of my life. In particular, my relationship with my daughter. We were having a blast and an incredible start to the summer with my motivation and optimism for life. All while this was happening, I was keeping watch on my mania, never denying that it could pop up at some point. + +It would be about when July hit that the first occurrences of mania became apparent in retrospect but wasn't obvious or out of control at the time. It was the beginnings of losing touch with reality. Passing interactions with other people, I would sometimes get a hint that I had a larger purpose. But they were fleeting and rare, so I didn't take notice. + +By the end of July, I was semi-regularly battling against these thoughts that the strangers I would come across would be part of a conspiracy, and that there was some purpose behind their being there. I was in conflict with myself. 90% of me didn't believe it, and thought it was ridiculous, 9% thought that it was my duty to be humble with getting recognition and attention, and 1% was feeding into the delusion. + +By the end of August, I was getting exhausted with the notion of being at the center of everything. I hated the idea that I had to be studied, admired, and protected. I ""knew"" that something was happening on the outside world, and I didn't know if I was seen as a reconciler of religion, science, and all cultures. I was seen as the person to bring the whole world together and the inspiration of a movement that could potentially solve any problem. It was seen as the opportunity for aliens to finally make their presence known. + +By the end of September, I knew there were reasons that ""the movement"" couldn't directly come to light to me, and I being in a sort of partnership with the movement, I started giving my personal belongings away. I would donate my clothes, my coin collection, my golf clubs, my old baseball glove, and most of my other stuff. It was my belief that each item would go to a person in need, and every item would be cherished by someone. I sort of expected to get something in return, but never did of course. Or if I did, I stole it thinking I was meant to steal it. I was also writing and doing art at this point, which I was also leaving behind on purpose in public places. + +When October rolled around, I quit my job because when the world was following me, I saw my job as a way for me to feel normal for a while. I didn't want to give up my old life, but I had a higher calling. It would have been around October 24th when I was completely exhausted from all of this. I couldn't handle the pressure. I couldn't handle the fact that most of me still didn't believe this shit, but that brainwashing-propaganda-part-of-the-brain that kept feeding me these thoughts, I was exhausted fighting that all those months. + +I had the idea to go find some weed. I never smoked it before in my life. So, I went to a vape store and asked if they had anything that could get me high. They gave me a canister and a battery. I didn't look at it or do any research because with everything being planted and all information to my phone being filtered, there was no point. I went home, and smoked it. I went into a panic immediately. Thinking I was going to die, I called an ambulance. They came but they didn't seem too concerned when they got here. I was getting frustrated because they weren't taking this ""emergency"" seriously. + +I was out of my mind psychotic. I fell to the floor ""devolving"" from a human to a werewolf, to smaller and smaller mammals up to and including being a microorganism. I remember ""going offline"" and coming back online a few times. I remember seeing a coordinate graph where the line kept splicing off the edge, and it felt like I kept dying. It felt like I was shedding timelines where I actually died there, but I kept surviving in this one. I remember being in the bed in the ambulance with the EMT, and he would turn from male to female, and I wrestled with the idea of ""male"" and ""female"" at the most abstract level (almost like properties of the universe). I remember re-living my life organized in different ways, and coming back to the EMT each time, thinking that this is the infinite cycle of existence. I have only small fragments after that, but apparently I had a ""freak out"" moment in the hospital, and they saw it as me being aggressive to one of the personnel. I was arrested, handcuffed, and brought to jail, charged with a felony, simple assault on emergency personnel. + +In jail, my parents were not willing to bail me out without being on meds. The jail system here is completely dysfunctional, and there's basically no mental health support, so there was no way for me to get on my meds. After about 3 days living in an open dorm situation, the other inmates took notice of my behavior and obvious mental health issues. They're bored and destructive people, so they preyed on my mental weakness, and I stayed strong as best I could. I can't go into every thought I had, but there was a night that I thought my family was kidnapped and were being tortured and murdered one by one. The inmates were feeding the thoughts, and when it got to my daughter, I couldn't hear anymore. I went into the bathroom, got as high as I could (about 8 feet), jumped, and pushed off the ceiling trying to land my head on the concrete. I didn't lean back far enough and landed on my spine. The pain was intense and I threw up the shampoo, soap, and cleaner that I drank about an hour earlier. I shit my pants and was writhing in pain. The officers rushed in to check things out. I pleaded for them to shoot me telling them it will save my daughter. I kept begging them to do it. They told me to get up. Walking to suicide isolation, I felt reassured that what I did put an end to them murdering my family. I was in suicide watch for 20 days, which, if someone weren't suicidal, would make someone. I had no clothes but a velcro towel, and I had to shit in a hole and smash the turd down with my foot so it would go through the bars. I couldn't have more than a few squares of toilet paper. Nothing to read. My bed was the concrete. I'm not complaining because it is what it is. It's jail and I was there. But what was the worst part is the back pain lying on the concrete. No position felt good, it was simply finding the least painful position and last as long as I could before that became too much, and just keep shuffling to find something that's tolerable for just a moment. + +After 28 days, there were enough people who got involved that I was finally able to get released on bail with a treatment order. I got back on my meds, and I've been on them since. I've slipped into a real bad depression. The charges were dropped 10 days ago. I'm resuming my job search (it's impossible to find a job with 'assault' on your record). The arrest itself can still be found if an employer does a certain background check, but nothing I can do about that. I slipped into drinking semi-regularly, but I've pulled out of that the last 2 weeks. All in all, I'm holding on by a thread, but there is hope. + +Oh, I forgot that the night of the incident. I had all my money, $20k dollars in cash, stolen from my apartment. I have no proof, but my intuition tells me that one of the officers took it when they were searching my apartment.",Manic for 6 months ending up in jail where I had a suicide attempt.,2 +785,"Ok, hear me out. I’m on 100 mg of Zirprasidone and I take Propanolol for anxiety. My meds help me tremendously, like I hardly even have any bp symptoms anymore. But here’s the thing, I can’t feel anything during sex anymore. Nothing, not a thing. Literally nothing. It’s driving me nuts! I can feel sex, but I cannot feel any pleasure during sex anymore and it makes me feel left out and sad. Should I tell my psychiatrist about this? What do I do? It’s to the point where I get sad every time I have sex now.","You guys, I can’t feel anything during sex anymore and it is driving me mad.",2 +786,"I had big plans growing up. I was, while horrible with anything math, excellent in all other school subjects. Now I can barely write a paragraph without losing focus. This disease has seriously messed me up. It's given me anxiety and inferiority and cognitive blocks that no non-BP person has to face. + +I just want to come to terms with it. I don't know what my abilities are, how smart I am anymore. I'm certainly not capable of any kind of degree or a job anymore. I can't learn a trade or skill. I couldn't be an electrician or an engineer or a programmer or a writer. + +All I want, more than anything, is a purpose. I would take a job even if I wasn't paid. I can't volunteer though. I'm simply not smart enough anymore. I'm dumber than a rock now. + +How do I just come to terms with the fact that I will essentially be forced to live with an eighth of my prior capacity for the rest of my life? That I will never be able to enjoy an interesting article or cook for myself ever again because of the constant apathy and misery of persistent depression. + +Edit: It's been about a day and I was feeling really shitty for the past few weeks. I feel much better now and don't even feel like the same person as when I wrote this. Also, I'm reading your posts but a lot appeared at once and I'm not sure how to respond, but thank you for the responses.",How do I accept that I am far less capable now than I was before?,2 +787,"I’ve been checking the website and it said Out of Stock. I’m wondering if anyone got it before. I want to use Cost Plus Drug because it will save me so much money, but I’m worry that it will take awhile to get the medication and if I can get a refill on time.",Anyone got genetic Latuda from Cost Plus Drug?,2 +788,"I’m wondering if it’s a common experience for those of us with bipolar disorder to experience a commanding voice while in a mixed episode or mania. + +When I start getting up I will hear a voice inside my head that’ll tell me to do things, usually to my determinant. I’ve learned to ignore it but I’ve had to deal with having the occasional commanding voice since I was a teen. + +Does anyone else have to deal with a commanding voice? + +I don’t have too many bipolar friends and the ones I have we don’t really discuss the disorder with each other.",Commanding voice,2 +789,"I think we all know how drinking goes with Bipolar. It only makes things worse. I used to get drunk every day and had to detox several times before my diagnosis. Since then I've switched to binge drinking like once a week, and it's getting out of control. I'm not taking my meds consistently, my mood is all over the place, I'm paranoid as hell and having near constant panic attacks. So I haven't had anything to drink since Sunday, and I got a prescription for naltrexone which I'm taking religiously. I absolutely hate AA and don't have other in-person options in my area, and I don't want people close to me to know how bad it's gotten again, so I feel really alone in this. I have a great therapist and we talked about it today but if anyone has any tips or general encouragement I'd seriously appreciate it.",Trying sobriety... again,2 +790,For anyone wandering this is the app dailybean it's great for tracking your mood.,"Rough start to the month, but I'm getting through it!",2 +791,"The absolute loneliness of this illness is something no one will ever come close to understanding. It is something I will never be able to put into words. Their is nothing in this world I can fill this void in my soul with. Even in sleep it sits and waits for me to awaken so it can slowly eat away at me more and more. The older I get the worse it becomes. Medication just numbs the feeling, but it is always there, below the surface. I am so exhausted. No matter how much sleep I get, how long I lay on the couch, stare at TV, no matter how many pills I take, the void eats away at me. I am just so tired. Every muscle in my body feels like I have been working out for years with no rest days. So tight like they might shatter like glass if I breathe the wrong way. My fingers bleed from picking at them. I am just so tired. I am so lonely and I know the void will swallow me whole soon.",Support,2 +792,"I just want to start this off by saying that I’m aware that I have a problem and I want to fix it. I am easily set off. I mean really easily. + +There are so many instances where I get set off by small/lighthearted comments. At times I have gone off on people for really small things and it has ruined relationships. This is while being relatively “stable” too. What I mean is, this has been when I’m not depressed or manic. Another thing I’ve noticed is that if someone makes a comment that hurts my feelings, it really hurts me. To the point where I become severely depressed and question why I should go on with life if I can’t do xyz and people don’t appreciate me. There have been 2 instances where friends haven’t responded to my messages right away and I explode. One of those instances was when I was manic. I have ruined those two friendships. + +Lately I have been really good about being able to recognize the feelings that I’m having and sit with them instead of releasing all of those negative emotions. Do any of you experience these things too? Is this just a normal part of being bipolar? If you have experienced this, what has helped you overcome these emotions?",Easily set off,2 +793,,Generic latuda!!,2 +794,"(M24) Basically I was diagnosed with biploar almost a year ago and Im still reluctant to believe my disorder. My family is very abusive and call me fake and dismiss whatever I might have as lazy or Im just stupid. My father has not talked to me since my diagnosis. I recently dumped most of my lithium and bupropion out because the medication makes me feel unwell or it. I hope they are right and Im somehow just lying to myself or hearing only what I want to hear. My brother is an epileptic and is employed so they compare his illness to whatever mine is pretty often. They tell me hes way more deserving of treatment and care than me, which I can kind of understand. They all look at me with such shame and disappointment. I already dont like myself to begin with and I��ve always felt like least favourite child. Anyways im not sure what to do, move out once my lease is up? I really dont know how much longer i can keep this up. Thank you for reading",I still keep second guessing my bipolar,2 +795,"Hello there everyone, + +&#x200B; + +I've been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 months ago and it has been a real struggle to live my day to day life like normal. I'm finally on the right dose of Lithium and started seeing good results with my emotions until my anxiety disorder decided to come back. Now i have to take Seroquel to try to calm me down, because i'm deeply afraid of everything now. + +&#x200B; + +I think the mixed episode i just had scared me so much that now i'm terrified at the idea of having another one. I almost don't want to feel better because i don't want to have hope thinking i'm okay now just to have a new episode right after. I don't know how to explain it, i know i want to feel better deep down because i feel miserable, but i'm also afraid. Does anyone else feel the same ?",I'm scared of my bipolar disorder but i'm also scared of feeling better ?,2 +796,"Every once in a while I’ll have an intense urge to smoke. I will buy a pack and smoke the entire thing in one day. It won’t make me feel sick or anything. When I finish the pack I can go weeks without repeating. + +Wondering if anyone has some insight into this behaviour? I also have a binge eating disorder that springs up similarly.",Smoking and Bipolar,2 +797,"Expunge circumstances, + +Tired of the bland Midwest, + +Too rural, + +Too passive aggressive, + +I want to be manic in the city, + +Chongqing clubs and hotpot make me warm, + +Ahhh, the energy, + +Living in hotels, + +No stability, + +Swing me like a pendulum, + +I want passion and extravagance, + +I’m not meant for the norms expected of my thirties, + +I want to be a wreck, + +Passed out on the floor, + +Chaos gives birth to experience, + +I have so many, + +But what to do with them?",Energy,2 +798,"What the topic title says. I find this to be the most debilitating illness I've ever faced. The effort required to function at a ""normal"" level is draining for me personally. I manage to do it but there's probably more days where I don't want to get out of bed to go to work even though I do so anyway. By the time I get home I just lay down in bed to try and recover regardless of whether it was a good or a bad day.",Do you find even medicated bipolar is draining mentally and physically?,2 +799,"I am searching for help with keeping your mania from affecting your job, relationships, or responsibilities. Do you find it helpful to constantly ""reality check"" from the assumption that your reality is not the same as those around you. Meaning is it helpful to stop and ask ""is this normal"" before you do or say anything? My boyfriend says this is not helpful but I am unsure of any other mania damage prevention methods.",MANIA MANIA MANIA MANIA,2 +800,"Taking Zoloft and Lamictal, had sex with a lovely lady for 2 and a half hours to no avail. I’m super frustrated and it’s not the first time it has happened 😞. Any tips?",Why can’t I cum?,2 +801,"I have been in what I think is a mixed episode (my first normally my episodes are quite clearly defined ) for the past few weeks during it i have lost my job (not my fault), My partner (my fault) and I have given up. I can’t eat so have been surviving on milkshakes, can’t sleep only getting about 2/3 hours a day and am under constant assault from my brain with negative images and thoughts. It’s overwhelming and I just don’t seem to have any fight left in me. I am waiting for help from the community mental health team and for my medication to be reviewed but it’s taking forever and I am really not sure what I can do. I am coming apart at the seams, have no friends and am alone and I don’t know what to do. Any advice or support is welcome + +Update: Thanks for all the advice and support. I have managed to eat solid food today. It was not much but it’s a start and small steps etc",Have not eaten in a week,2 +802,"So I’ve just recently gotten into my first relationship. I’m a 22 f w a history of severe episodes & see myself as fucked up beyond repair. Even though I have been more stable right now than I ever have, I’m worried. What should I know regarding navigating bp and being in a relationship? And how far into the relationship did you guys have the “i’m bipolar” talk?",being bipolar in a romantic relationship,2 +803,"This is ny first attempt at posting in a community specific to bipolar disorder. I'll start by saying I was diagnosed 4 years back. I'm a medical professional but I'm still struggling. I'm currently on medication and I'm more or less okay according to my doctor. +I'm struggling because everything I've studied about my disorder whether in my books or online or from my doctor, it's difficult to believe that because my family has always been the tough love kind. My father is never okay with me using the word Bipolar disorder and has always said to call it depression because it's just that. My sister who is also a doctor also often tells me that my symptoms are anxiety and the common statement by both of them as well as my mom is that people have it worse than I am. + I've been working on my post grad exams and I'm struggling. I have difficulty recalling and retaining what I read and I have gotten several anxiety attacks. My family history is positive for bpd but currently its just me. +I'm completely lost because i don't know if I'm stupid or not. My brain gets too loud sometimes, I am scared of fightings and driving as well as being driven, I'm told I'm too talkative. I panic, I forget things and sometimes I can't remember the right words. But I'm told it's all in my head. Nobody except my immediate family knows because mental health is still a taboo topic. I'm completely lost and I don't know how to be normal.",Struggling with living with bipolar,2 +804,"I am irritated today as fuck. +I don’t understand why. +There was one situation that upset me (my fault) but could that be the reason? +I am usually a very calm, stable person. +And now I am angry AF. +Yes I take my pills every day. I don’t want to do something stupid. I am scared.",Big irritation,2 +805,"i had gotten the genesight testing done (genetic test where it gives some pointers on how your body metabolizes medications), and i’m not too happy with the results. i’ve been on 100mg lamictal for about 5 months, and i’ve been feeling great. i feel like a regular person. +unfortunately, the test showed i have a gene that makes me extremely susceptible to steven-johnson’s syndrome (SJS), the rash that can happen with lamictal (and other mood stabilizers). i’ve never had the rash, but my doctor said i need to stop taking it to be safe. he’s putting me on an anti-psychotic now, which i’m not opposed to, but i’m not happy about the fact that the medication i’m enjoying runs a high risk of a severe rash for me. it’s frustrating, and feels like the uphill battle of finding a good medication just got even higher. +has anyone experienced something like this before?",medication troubles,2 +806,"This week I recently got out of a manic episode that was probably going on for about a month or so. I was absent from school skipping almost all of my uni classes, not studying, got into 3 car accidents and got a speeding ticket 40 over limit in a school zone. No sleep, paranoid etc etc. + +Anyways now I've been trying to pick up the pieces especially with my grades in Uni. Bipolar disorder has forced me to drop out a few times before but I really want to complete my degree. + +Doctor put me on lamictal which jolted me out of mania. Anyways, the good news is today I talked to my professor and he was actually super understanding because his wife is also Bipolar. I hope my other professors as as understanding and will help me recover my grade.",mania aftermath,2 +807,"I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 along with a few other mental illnesses in 2011. I never have other bipolar people or friends to ask these questions… hang with me here, I hope this comes out correctly. +~Anyone else with bipolar constantly pick at their nails, like I pick mine so bad they are killer sore and sometimes bleed. I can’t stand feeling the dry peeling skin rubbing against my other fingers… +~I’ve been diagnosed so long and have taken tons of medication and I still feel like, I just will never be normal? Like at this point what does a normal person experience in their day to day feelings? +~I’ll go through a month of reading books on my kindle or regular books and finish them like in 3-4 days, 1 I finished in a month. Same with watching a series on like HBO max or Hulu….I go through moods of deeply into the show and just binge it so fast & then a week later it’s like I can’t even focus or have enough attention span to watch anything at all? + +My mind is constantly thinking about the next I need to do, like it doesn’t stop whatsoever… only time I feel relaxed is when my night meds hit…sleeping is the best bc it takes me from this hell of reality I struggle with daily. + +There are many other issues I experience but these really have been bothering me lately and I catch myself wondering do other with bipolar have these issues, or am I alone and just a wee bit crazy? 🤦🏼‍♀️",Random things we do as being Bipolar/or Bipolar w Anxiety?,2 +808,"Woke up this morning feeling great and had energy. But I know that’s not a great sign because that hasn’t happened in half a year or so. At this point I’m just bracing for impact and waiting to see if it’s hypomania or not. I say hypomania/mania because I experience both and my therapist still can’t decide if it’s bipolar I or II. Possibly an issue of deciding if the mania was actually full blown mania. Anyways, I just woke up feeling good and I don’t trust like that.",I think the change in seasons is starting mania/hypomania,2 +809,"I’ve been on topamax for about a month and a half now and just upped my dose a week ago. Things were going fine until this morning. I have no idea if this related to the topamax but I woke up with a painful rash on my inner lips. Now the skin around my mouth is starting to feel dry and irritated and my lips are painfully chapped. This rash on my lips is like nothing I’ve ever had before. It almost feels like a burn, but I didn’t burn myself on anything. I also feel extremely fatigued and generally crappy as of an hour ago. + +Does this sound like it could be the start of SJS? Should I be concerned? I’m going to call my doctor in the morning if I’m not feeling better. I’m just anxious right now.",Anyone here deal with Steven Johnson syndrome before?,2 +810,,"I thought this was a nice analogy to share… I’ve been too depressed to clean my kitchen but an important person sent me flowers recently. While I can’t take care of myself or anything else, I made sure that the flowers are blooming.",2 +811,"I have been trying new medications for about 5 years now without much luck. Either really bad side effects or no mood improvement, I see my psyc in a week to talk about which one to try next. + +The clinic (according to the website at least) provides Spravato/esketamine treatment. I'm interested in asking him about it because I would like to learn more and I have read so many good things about it. The research is remarkable. I guess I am wondering how to bring it up? This provider is semi new to me- I've been seeing him for about 5 months. The reason I am scared to ask is because I have had other providers get weird when I ask for anxiety meds. + +So, If you have received this treatment before-how did you go about it?",How to ask for alternative treatment?,2 +812,"Hi, doctors haven't told me yet a diagnosis, because maybe this is temporary, but they told me it could be bipolar. I don't believe in mental illness, they are all symptoms of trauma and discrimination, or whatever intoxication of delusional feelings that other brought into our minds, we got fed up with them and developed an unhealthy mind and behaviour because we got stuck in them. + +I think the wish to have power or isolating ourselves from others, to be distinguished is something I noticed about me. On the other hand, we can't deny we are more sensible and perceptive. + +But it is key to allways search for balance. But we can question this, also, because why can't we have a society in which we encounter many surprises? Maybe it would be chaotic.","Hi, what's up",2 +813,I feel like my over obsession over a small incident this morning is an indication of a manic episode because now I’ve been feeling sad and depleted. How long after diagnosis did you start being able to notice the signs?,Manic Ep? What are the signs?,2 +814,"So, let me use an example bc I do not know what to do with myself right now, I've been having a very bad depressive episode this week and today I needed the help of someone very close to me who also happens to be my coworker. I messed up, life has been extra overwhelming lately and it's hard to work, I can't focus and even the smallest of things drain me even if those around me don't see it, it's so hard to do daily tasks im so tired of it all. +I messed up, and there was an order I did not place by mistake, I forgot about it, and I even forgot what I had spoken to this particular client about. I was sure he remembered who I was, and i was terrified of looking like a dumbass and him asking for a supervisor bc this is the kind of person he is. So I asked my friend to help me, I was frantic, and I am one to always help anyway I can when there's a mistake on their part or anything goes down, no matter how busy I am with my own things. They did not seem thrilled that I asked for help and didn't even get a confirmation on whether or not they'd help. Perhaps I'm making this bigger than it is, but it was hurtful to see how unwilling they were to help me while I was panicking. I rarely ask anything of anybody bc I have learned to be self-sufficient, and bc with bipolar I have 0 friends. I'm just sad that I didn't get a smidgen of consideration and just went for it on my own. Issue is being resolved now, and after 20 minutes, my coworker has approached me to say, ""So what do I have to do?"" Meaning when I explained everything earlier, including the solution, they were not even paying attention. I told them I got it now, and they walked away annoyed. +Is this me just raging for no reason? Did I just make this bigger than it really is? Or why would their reaction affect me so bad. Thank you for reading and sharing your view.",Do we notice things more than others? Why do the smallest things affect us so much.,2 +815,"Woke up super depressed. Just like existential dread. Couldn’t get out of bed. + +I try to tell myself I can handle this disorder as long as it doesn’t ruin my work life. Because I need the healthcare. But I feel it slowly creeping in.","Personal failure, having a bad day, had to ask boss if I could WFH, embarrassed.",2 +816,"I used to annihilate chapter books in a few hours. This year, I completely lost my ability to focus. I am failing classes for the first time in my life. For contrast, I have a full ride university scholarship. I haven't been able to focus on textbooks for a few months but haven't done real leisure reading in easily a year. Not because I don't want to just because I can't put in the time. + +Today I read an entire book, 432 pages, in under 24 hours. I am so proud of myself. I haven't done this since middle school, and I remember every part of it, I didn't just skim it. + +I don't want to get into the circumstances surrounding it or what it means as part of a larger whole. I just want to celebrate that, regardless of how or why, I did it.",I read a book cover to cover today,2 +817,"Ok, so today was the deadline but (I think) as many of us, for some reason I ALWAYS wait till there is two days left to start working on important things. 3000 words in two days, and everything makes sense! I am so happy I achieved it (two months ago I attempted suicide and had to be sent to a psychiatric institution). Just wanted to share it with the group. I hope I get an offer!! Have a great day :)",Just submmited the write up of my research proposal!,2 +818,"I've been diagnosed for 4 years and on latuda just as long, and I'm really struggling with the brain fog way more than I used to. I used to take modafinil for fatigue and I felt like a person again but I can't take it anymore due to circumstances out of my control and I'm wondering what people do to regain function. +It doesn't feel like the depression fog all that much, it feels like my brain simply does not work. I notice how I'm unable to understand even the simplest of things no matter how hard I try, even things I used to be able to do without difficulty. I'm considering dropping out of college because I simply can't work fast enough to keep up with the load, and I can't stay awake long enough to work on things. +I'm taking caffeine pills and drinking absurd amounts of coffee to try and keep myself awake long enough to do anything, but I don't think this is sustainable. +Does anyone have advice that isn't ""go talk to your psychiatrist"" because I am, but I'm turning to the community to see what's helped other people. +Thank you :3",How do you cope with the brain fog?,2 +819,"Hello...this is my first post here and I hope it's okay. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2017, and took lamotragine since then was at 150 MG twice daily (my life changed for the better). Well, last year things got rocky and I didn't have transportation to a physician so I cut the dose in half to make the medicication last me..I took it that way for a year. WELL now, I am completely out and my mood is swinging like a tetherball...I lost my health insurance a couple of months ago as well, so now I just need to know coping methods that have worked for any of you that had to go unmedicated. I never thought I would have to feel this way again but alas...here I am. I feel so so alone in this battle and so scared. I finish my bachelors in June so hopefully I will have employment shortly after that and health care. I am so scared.",Withdrawing off of Lamotragine,2 +820,"I tried a masters program in social work years ago before I was treated for my complex ptsd and before I was on lithium. I know I would make a great therapist, but I want to know how hard it could be with the work while having boom polar disorder. Been having dreams I’m in school for it. Thanks",Anyone here a therapist?,2 +821,,The simple things in life. Enjoying my arts and crafts again after not being able to for years after my diagnosis. Baby steps in enjoying paint by numbers.,2 +822,"Does anyone have a job where they travel? I’ve been thinking of transitioning from a job where I travel around 10 counties to one in two states. There would be overnight travel for a couple days each week. I have a super stable government job now, but the new one would align more with my interests. I’m probably pushing the limits of my stability with this one…",Job Advice,2 +823,"Hello does anyone have bipolar disorder and adhd ? +I’ve been taking adhd for the past decade . My therapist wanted me to get an evaluation since it had been a while . Turns out I have adhd , severe anxiety and bipolar disorder . +I take adderall and it helps me function never had issues with it . So I’m wondering if I should get another opinion ? Or is it normal to have adhd ( in my case it’s severe ) and bipolar disorder. +Just a little concerned since I have to find a new psychiatrist now.",Bipolar disorder and adhd,2 +824,"How come I do not have the motivation I should, it’s the basic stuff: + +Getting the mail +Emptying the dishwasher +Doing laundry +Brushing my teeth +Finishing anything + +I know who I am and I have more motivation than this!",Motivation,2 +825,"Wondering how you experience the combo. + +For me the anhedonia makes every hypomanic episode feel incredibly empty and frustrating. I just feel increased energy and irritability and never «good». I never feel pleasure. Only thing i notice that improves is some motivation to socialize and date so i become very talkative and impatient but i never feel rewarded for the motivations i get. Its like an itch you cant scratch. +The increased «mental libido» with sexual dysfunction is also extremely frustrating. Anyone relate?",Anyone with comorbid bipolar and pssd?,2 +826,"So I (23F) recently started Depakote (as of today it's been about a week of taking it) and it's working really well for my mood swings and general bipolar I issues. One thing I've noticed is I don't really want to eat. I just don't get hungry? I've heard everyone talk about increased appetite but since I've started taking it 3 times a day I've just been eating a small breakfast and a small dinner because I'm just not hungry... This isn't a problem, because I am overweight and could stand to lose a couple pounds, but it's just weird that most medications I've been on have made me VORACIOUSLY hungry. Seroquel, for example, made me the beast of the kitchen. I would eat EVERYTHING. + +Another thing I've noticed, that might play into my loss of appetite, is that everything tastes awful. Things I used to love now are kind of just ""meh."" + +I'm not necessarily complaining, just wondering if any other current or previous Depakote users have felt this way?",Depakote & Food,2 +827," +I started taking a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic after being diagnosed with bipolar type II earlier last year. It took a lot to admit there was an issue and to seek a psychiatrist. I was proud of the progress I made this last year. I felt great until a coworker made me feel like shit and that my progress meant nothing + +I have a coworker that is much older than me, he frequently talks down to me in front of the entire team and has the attitude that his opinion is gospel no matter the circumstances. I’m two years out of college with limited experience so I approached him about my frustration and how I can improve. He got very defensive and denied any part in this. Instead of talking it through with me he monologued about mental health and seeking a therapist to talk about my frustrations at work instead + +I sat there and listened to him monologue trying to act like it was fine, but damn did it hurt to be talked down to about my mental health. I never told anyone about my diagnosis, medication or treatment. I always tried to prevent my bipolar disorder from affecting my job performance at all either, the main issues were from how it affected my life outside of work. I’m seeking a new job now, but has anyone had experiences like this with coworkers?",Coworker talks down to me about mental health,2 +828,"I struggle with eating. I don’t feel hungry until my head is pounding and I’m super irritable. + +This morning I didn’t have the energy to really cook myself anything but I knew I needed to eat to take my meds. With this in mind I made some noodles and boiled an egg in the water just to get something in my system. + +My partner asked what I had eaten and I told him. He proceeded to tel me all about how I could get diabetes or become obese if I don’t make better food choices and I need to make more nutritious meals for myself. + +Which I understand and I know he’s coming from a good place with good intentions. But I also did not ask for his opinion and was just trying to put something in my system so I could take my meds today. + +It really hurt for him to say those things to me as if I am not trying my best to do the right things within my capacity for the day.",My partner won’t stop judging what I eat.,2 +829,Does anyone else have any experience with this? I always suspected I was bipolar but since being diagnosed a year ago I’m finding it harder to accept that it’s true. Any tips?,Struggling Accepting Diagnosis,2 +830,"Been on a depressive episode for the last 2-3 weeks, I usually cycle with the seasons.. was living in Canada for 10 years which made my depression on winter unbearable now I live Mexico and it’s way better. My episode are not as severe and I guess for a moment I took it for granted that my episodes were mild and I was stable for a good while. I work independently as an artist so if I’m not in the studio there’s no one I have ti answer to which in general I love. I love what I do and I’m so grateful to be able to do it. I’m at stage in my life where I’m expanding my business and moving to a bigger studio space and it’s all great! But the the episode started creeping in and I can’t afford to give into it, I’m getting all these anxieties and fears, I know I can do this and have been fighting everyday but this week has been really hard. I’m in the studio at the moment but haven’t been able to lift a finger. Trying all the skills and coping mechanisms I know help me plus my meds so really hope this ends soon. Letting all this out I think will help, haven’t talked about it much with people as I’ve found I focus more on the feeling but needed to vent.",Have to get out of depressive episode ASAP,2 +831,"I just found out my dog died so that added an extra layer of sadness. I’m just crying nonstop now. I feel like despite improving my circumstances and getting the help I needed, this sadness is unshakable. It feels almost like a failure, that I’m still so sad. I see my trauma everywhere. The cycle keeps repeating again and again… I don’t want to enter another depressive episode, again not knowing how fucking long it’ll last and fearing I’ll be depressed forever. The anger and fear associated with my PTSD is mostly gone, thankfully. I just want to know how to change my life. How do I stop feeling sad all the time? Despite being on four different medications, I’m still not really functioning. I’m doing much better than I was and I’m grateful for that, but sometimes.. I don’t know if this effort is worth it.",I’m so tired of feeling sad,2 +832,i cannot shake the feeling that there are multiple people stalking my online presence and i feel like i can’t even go on reddit because there’s some secret account watching me. i am having intense social paranoia. i feel like my ex is watching me.,feel like i’m being watched,2 +833,,For those who saw my fairly large manic gardening haul. I am now out of the episode and set up my garden today !! ◡̈ thanks everyone for the advice and support,2 +834,,It’s always worse at night,2 +835,"Its for a wellness center that he is recommending I go to. He'd rather not hospitalize me and this would be me volunteering to go. I just don't see how I can spend what seems like minimum one month away from my family and my life. + +What would everyone around me think if I just randomly disappeared for a month or more? (I know I have bigger problems but Its of concern to me) + +No access to cell phones or my job for that matter. + +I just don't see how a married man with 2 kids and a fulltime job can just disappear and go off the grid. I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. + +I am not sure how to handle any of this",So my therapist gave me a brochure today...,2 +836,,"Been drawing more, I’m really proud of this one it’s deff how I’ve been feeling lately (NSFW art for sure lol)",2 +837,"There's not much to say. I'm on abilify 7.5 mg, I'm on my way to adjust meds but rn I'm having a terrible mixed episode. You probably know how does it feel so I just want to hear some advices on how can I survive without destroying my life. Or if there's something I can do to make this shit going away. I HATE IT",My first Mixed episode and I need some advices,2 +838,"I am going to tell you a couple things I have experience with, I am telling you these because they effected me significantly and you can possibly understand your own position better by knowing this. + +I had 12 sessions of ECT, it was devastating, logistically a nightmare and it did not work. + +90% of marriages with one BP persons does not make it. I was stunned by that. + +Knowing that about marriage has kept me single. + +When they put the electrodes on they had problems because tears were running down my face. + +God luck and God Bless You.",Treatment and effects.,2 +839,I have had a bitch of a time with mood swings for the past 5 years and I’ve always white knuckled it out of partially shame and partially not realizing that wasn’t normal. I quit smoking weed and didn’t sleep for 2 weeks and went on a spiritual powwow and got arrested for breaking and entering. It was at this point I realized I was not on a mission from God and then it got really scary because I went into psychosis while I was in the jail. And I got pepper sprayed so I was laying on the floor choking and having no idea what was going on. But luckily I didn’t die and now I know that I need latuda,My manic episode that revealed I had bipolar,2 +840,"I just wanted like opinions/consensus on this cuz I’m curious. Who in your life do you tell that you are bipolar? (I think this might be a bit of a generational difference here too.) I work in healthcare and hear the way people talk about bipolar patients all the time I don’t have many Gen-Z coworkers for context most Gen-X, boomers, or millennials and it’s abysmal. (I’m a millennial for context). They talk about us the same way people would talk about people convicted for domestic abuse, or a hit and run or a violent crime. Just disdain. So I would never tell anyone at work that and broadly speaking these people are supposed to be empathetic and nice healthcare workers. So I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what people actually think of us when they don’t have to be politically correct about it cuz they know they aren’t speaking to people who will be directly hurt or offended by what they have to say. + +I’ve noticed younger people like people on tik tok or like just in general not only talk about it but put it front and center as a key piece of their identity. They put it in cover letters that go out to job applications and to me this just seems wildly naïve. I wish we didn’t live in that world but we have negative stereotypes about being late being unreliable or substance abuse issues and even though a lot of us don’t do those things often or at all. + +People who have power to dictate important parts of our lives like what jobs and opportunities we have will go with default assumptions like those and will go with the “safer pick” the person who doesn’t specify that or the one who doesn’t have that info readily available on tik tok youtube insta Facebook. I appreciate awareness generally but I would caution people about where they are broadcasting what and to whom. Don’t give other people a reason to slam the door on you before they even meet you. Curious what other people from all different age groups think.",Telling people you are bipolar,2 +841,"I feel like I don't actually have bipolar. I was diagnosed but I feel like I might have been faking it. I don't know, I'm on meds now and I was diagnosed years ago so I don't remember. My mom tells me the way I was acting was very scary but I think I might have just been acting. My family always notices when I'm off of my meds but I think it might just be because I'm myself again. Is this feeling normal?",I feel like an imposter,2 +842," +After my bachelors degree passing out in 2019, I enrolled myself in a masters program abroad in 2021 where I first had an episode and I had to come back and drop out. I’m on medication since 2018 and in continual therapy. After me abruptly leaving my degree course I thought I’ll take up a job in my home country and I did. I worked for a year and then I just couldn’t continue. I had hormonal issues because of my medication and severe depression I was suicidal and I couldn’t attend a single meeting without crying. I left my job this year after revealing that my mental health is not appropriate for work right now and I need a break. Now again I’m planning to do my masters abroad as my boyfriend lives there and I want to live with him. it’s either masters or a job in my home country for a year and then masters. Both options feel difficult and I feel like I can not make it. I have been feeling so stressed that I feel I should give up on life because I can’t do anything with my career and I can’t survive like a dead body. I have to do something. Sometimes I feel so paralysed that I feel like I’m a financial burden to my family and will be a burden on my boyfriend as well if I move.",When I think about advancing in my career be it a job or a degree I feel like I can’t do it and I should die instead.,2 +843,,"Been collaging instead of the five thousand other things I should be doing, but at least I’m not laying near-catatonic staring at a wall like last month !",2 +844,"In mania. I had increased nightmares this weekend, slept restlessly the next two nights, stayed home Monday and Tuesday to chill and try to regulate because I just didn’t feel right. Wednesday almost bought a $1700 necklace. Woke up this morning HYPER AF. Awesome and fun and all that jazz. But also mad and threw my hairbrush. + +Yes, I’m on my meds. No I’m not quitting my job. No I’m not going to stop my meds. But fuck. I love it and hate it. + +Edit: I’m going to the Taylor Swift concert tomorrow and it would be so fun on mania. 😬🤔 Maybe I don’t call my psych until Monday. 😬😬😬",In mania - here we go again. :) :(,2 +845,"Good Morning. I’ve been on Lamtical for about a year, currently on 200mg for BP 2. I’m talking to this guy who is absolutely amazing and literally everything I’ve prayed for. But, I’ve noticed something has changed. With BP2, I’ve always felt so deeply when it comes to emotions. Now it’s like emotional permanence. Together I’m into him, when I go home my feelings switch off. When it comes to intimacy I do not want to be touched because I feel so emotionally blunted. Yes the medication has done wonders for my low episodes BUT, I miss feeling somewhat deeply. I do not know if this a BP2 thing or a medication thing. Before the medication, I loved affection. This is so frustrating and I really hope someone can give me some advice and letting me know I’m not alone :( thank you so much in advance.",Bipolar 2 and Lamictal,2 +846,"This is my first full time job, and I honestly love it. But every time I try to do my job, I feel an ice spike shoot through me, can't breathe, and immediately panic- that's on top of what I WAS experiencing that thankfully went away. Just one thing after another. I feel terrible. Everyone has been so understanding but no doubt patience is wearing thin. I JUST got this job a few months ago, I don't even have my benefits yet. I just got my first bonus, too. + +I feel like a terrible employee. Is this just to be expected of this disorder? How am I supposed to not feel guilty about not attending work, when I know it's to take care of myself and do my best job possible when I come back? I feel so bad. And I feel so anxious. I feel like crying.",Out of work due to med side effects and feeling terrible about it,2 +847,"hi all, apologies because this is a long one, but i’m hoping some have been through something similar! i am in the newer phase of my onset where we’re still trying to medicate me correctly. i just got off a call with my psych, who is upping my lamictol and has told me zero substances for a while and we’ll reevaluate once i’m stable. + +i’ve been a “stoner” for years, but have tapered off after receiving my diagnosis and learning it was counterproductive. however, it’s still a way i unwind or work up an appetite and i’ll definitely miss the calming aspects of the ritual. with alcohol, i definitely increased my consumption with onset of symptoms, and never get to a sloppy blackout level, but i drink with dinner at a low amount whenever appropriate. i’ve also been taking ritalin for a long time as i was previously diagnosed adhd (although that’s being reevaluated now since bipolar is often first misdiagnosed as adhd), and she’s requested i drop that too because stimulants can worsen symptoms. + +i know it’s best to stop and see where it gets me. the fact that i’m irritated about stopping proves to me that it’s a good idea. in the past i’ve had issues with extreme boredom during sobriety, and i’m also worried about stopping since it has become sort of a band aid for the pain. i am worried that when i get manic, sad, or bored my resolve to stay sober will crumble. i would really appreciate tips or mantras. maybe something to replace the sort of feeling from any of those? anything is appreciated.",tips on strengthening resolve about sobriety?,2 +848,"I'm super motivated and driven.I work hard and are succesful.I have the typical loss of memory and can't focus a lot of the time but have found ways to get passed it. + +I have an anger issue however.Go against me, an im just like fuck you!You know? + +Like tell me I do something slightly wrong and I will be like ""Then fucking show me dumbass"" + +I do everything alone as a result. + +I succeed and make friends. I just ignore them and avoid everyone once I do. + +I run a successful FB account and recently had a manic episode where I lashed out at everyone.For no reason just spazzing. It resulted in people acting very petty and as a result I just got worse and worse. + + +I feel like its getting more annoying as time goes on. Like eventually someone with the wrong attitude is going to want to get into an altercation with me. + +My medications have helped and talking to a therapist helps. But I cannot seem to just control this rush of adrenaline I get over every little thing. like the movie Crank but with normal stuff. + +Any one else have this issue?",So I'm diagnosed with Bi Polar 1 and I'm just and angry psycho.....nothing really helps me.,2 +849,"I have been self harming for over 10 years now. I’m horribly embarrassed that i still slip into doing it even as an adult. I feel as though a lot of people view it as a “teenager only” thing. I’ve been doing it less and less over the years, but the fact that i still do like i said makes me embarrassed. If you have a similar experience any advice or personal stories would be nice, but no pressure. I downloaded an app to help track how long i’ve gone without doing it. Just needed to vent, thank you.",TW: self harm - have been doing it for 10 years.,2 +850,I don’t think I have the drive or energy to want to get better. I live in absolute squalor and don’t even care. Even when I’m happy I don’t do things that normal people do to maintain their life. What am I supposed to do if I literally fail to do anything,How did you get on the path to normalcy?,2 +851,"I finally got diagnosed after 10+ years of me having breakdowns and making GP appointments and desperately asking doctors to tell me whats wrong with me. + +It took a mental health nurse to see something was really wrong and she got my seen by a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with unspecified bipolar and I’ve now also been referred for an ADHD assessment. + +I don’t feel any better though. Well of course not, nothing has actually changed. I have been taking Lamictal but not feeling any positive effects yet. + +I had been told for years it’s depression, anxiety and one doctor said it sounded hormonal. I thought that I would get better. I thought that I would recover and live a healthy, normal life. I feel like I have to mourn the idea of this now. + +I’m not getting much help behind this diagnosis. They say because I’ve never been hospitalised and I manage to hold down a job and maintain relationships I don’t need it. I get it but it hurts. I feel invalidated, confused and alone. + +I managed to get myself a good job at a company I could have only dreamed of working for. I am fucking it up though. I do nothing most days. I’m so consumed by what’s going on in my head whether it’s good or bad. + +I’m going to have to go back to a less demanding job which breaks my heart and I feel if leave it will trigger an episode. I’m scared I’ll impulsively quit one day too like my last 4 jobs. Maybe I’ll get fired first anyway. + +I have an amazing support system and have cut off anyone who wasn’t good for me. I’m also in a loving relationship with someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have to fight thoughts about sabotaging these relationships though. They’re so annoying I tell myself but actually I’m just irritable and they really care about me which can be hard to believe. + +Despite everything appearing good to others, I am so chaotic. I’ve stopped pretending now when people ask me if I’m okay. I tell them no, I feel crazy. Everyone tells me I need a routine but it is impossible. + +My life on paper is great and in reality it is too to be honest. It’s boring though. I’ve gone sober too. I feel ungrateful almost. I am the problem and I am losing my mind. I feel like I’ve been fighting the crazy in me for years but I’m exhausted and I don’t want to anymore. I’m sick of doing the right things and what’s good for me. This diagnosis has brought up some scary thoughts like now my insane moods are justified. I don’t need to hold back anymore. I also then think though, if I’ve been able to keep complete madness at bay then I guess I’m actually not that unwell. I just feel like a prisoner of my own mind.",Ramble about new diagnosis,2 +852,,Emotional Instability,2 +853,"I notice myself switching jobs quite often.... I just applied for an inpatient psych unit, hoping to God that I get in. + +I need more money. But this disability makes it so fucking hard. + +I work in case management currently, mostly doing education for patients in the clinic. It's a low profile job and it doesn't pay that great for what I need. I'm afraid one day we won't be able to pay for the essentials... + +I've worked the floor, rehab, research, home health, and now my current job. + + +I've hated everything. I keep getting depressed. Then I want to change jobs again. I can only hope that my current application will go through.... + +I need more money. And I need those students loan repayments that they offer. I have great health insurance through where I work currently but again it just simply does not pay enough for me. + +Can anyone else relate to this? I really hate my life right now...",Do we have any other bipolar nurses here?,2 +854,"What do you believe in? Religion, spirituality, Universe, higher power, or nothing etc. + +I am curious to know what others with bipolar believe in? And also if your experiences with being bipolar have impacted those beliefs?",What do you believe in?,2 +855,I'm on my fourth night of having trouble sleeping. I've been getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night so I'm paying attention to it but not super concerned and was just wondering what other people do in this situation. Do you make yourself lay in bed even if you feel wide awake? When does it cross the line for you and make you seek medical care?,How do you handle insomnia?,2 +856,I’m in a really low place right now and I want to talk to my therapist about this without getting sent for a grippy socks stay. I’m really worried that I’ll end up in this horrible psych hospital again and to be honest I would rather be dead than go back there. How can I bring this up with them without it being possible I end up sectioned?,If I tell my therapist in an online session that I have a plan and am thinking of acting on it this weekend will they send ems or the police to my house?,2 +857,"Hi, first post to this Sub. + +(If anything I say is not allowed please let me know in a message even if you do remove the post so I can be more mindful in the future) + +Kinda nervous moving forward but today I finally went to a Psych and after about an hour of talking about different thing's she settled upon one sure for diagnoses of BP2 and immediately prescribed Latuda 20mg at night during dinner. I had spoken with a therapist years ago and was on Trintellix and also tried Zoloft which did nothing but give me headaches and the other made me rage out (respectively). I found out many of the things I do in my daily life are actually Symptoms of both Mania and Depression and that I'm going through episodes of both Multiple times a day for the past 4 years that we covered. + +I also have Chrons disease and I saw how it can affect weight and appetite, so I'm hopeful it can boost that as well as get my Racing thoughts, Insomnia and Hyper Productivity to a normal/manageable level. Im very leery about taking it with the experiences I've had with antipsychotics in the past, but my Dr also works with my wife who is ADHD and BP2, and I've seen how our Dr has helped her by listening to her and not just her diagnosis. + +I'm on a Month trial at the 20mg so hopefully no severe side effects or medication interactions and this does what it needs to. And I apologize ahead of time to those on this Sub, I will most likely be spam reading a lot of your posts in the coming days just to understand different perspectives of this, cause I won't say I love it but I have a special thing about researching all I can about new things, especially medical. + +Thank you all in advance",Just Diagnosed today,2 +858,"First time poster on this sub, but I feel like I need support. Sorry for the format, I am on mobile. + +I feel like my psychiatrist at my most recent appointment was talking to me in a way that made it feel like I was being stupid or taking myself too seriously on what my problems could be. + +I'm diagnosed with a mood disorder and my previous psychiatrist strongly suspected I may be bipolar due to the symptoms I experience. I've been open and shared a lot of my issues with my psychiatrist, but he doesn't seem to care. + +What really grinded my gears though was him saying ""well I'm not sure if you really are bipolar because you don't show one of the most common symptoms which is the lack of need for sleep. And I don't mean only needing 5 or 6, I mean more like 2."" To which I had to tell him that no, I have had that back in high school most prominently. I never was diagnosed with bipolar and didn't know what it was before I started my mental health journey, so at the time I didn't think much of having little to no sleep when younger and figured it was normal to go a day or two without sleeping. + +To which he asks me ""well how did that change over the course of time?"" It's called forcing myself to get tired by mentally or physically exerting a lot and also becoming a single parent helps with getting tired a lot faster. + + I felt horrible and hurt because it felt like I had to justify to myself that I'm not crazy, that it's not normal to struggle going to bed before midnight, that feeling crazy swings back and forth isn't normal. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I feel like expressing to him how the psych treated me made me feel like I'm being stupid or blowing things out of proportion. I hate this and I hate feeling out of control of my own emotions most of the time, and I just want to be taken seriously. I see now why so many women struggle to get diagnosed; ""it's all in your head"" or ""that's just normal for a woman to be moody"" + +Have any of you ever had this happen on your journeys to getting help with your diagnosis/treatments? I want to know I'm not alone...",Psychiatrist belittling me,2 +859,"Hello! + + I just started seeing therapist privately, and she said what I say it's definitely similar to bipolar disorder. She has seen me once. + + I've seen 4 more therapist in the past, in the public system. Except for one which was really good but I was in an ""up"" moment, the other just said that I was fine and dumped me. + +I'm scared, but also happy that finally someone understands what I feel and that my struggles are validated, and I'm not making it up or just being lazy and a bit weird sometimes. + +I just wanted to share, as except for my boyfriend and a friend, I don't want to tell anyone right now. + +Thank you ♥️",Love my new therapist,2 +860,"Hey everyone, I (18M) have had a mental illness all my life. That being ADHD. I was on Medication for it for about eight years, until last year, when I began to feel... different. + +My ADHD used to consist of hyperfixation, hyperactivity and inability to concentrate- so normal ADHD stuff, but last year before I graduated high school in May, I noticed something was changing. I assumed it was my ADHD, just evolving with new symptoms as I got older but towards Graduation time and shortly thereafter, I realized I was wrong. + +It began to get worse with huge depressive episodes, I would cry, or feeling like crying some days, and be fine the next. And I would feel worthless, like I didn't mean or contribute anything, and then have confidence that soared through the roof. I started snapping on people and then being okay the next second. + +The anger and mood swings problems got worse within the past few months. I work retail, and I've been showing attitude and anger and even hatred one moment, and then I'm super happy and energetic the next second. Even outside of work, I snap at my parents, my best friend and have constant negative emotions. I have started talking super-super fast without realizing, and feel like my thoughts are going a million miles an hour. (MY Psych mentioned this to me yesterday). + +One of the biggest things that coincides with the anger and mood swings is my impulse control and motivation. One thing I lack is impulse control, I know something is wrong, but I still choose to do it anyway. This has affected me with porn, gaming too much, and most importantly- spending. I have credit cards and I paid them off a month ago, and once again I have a huge balance on both, because I know I shouldnt be spending money, but in the moment it feels like I should. Also the lack of motivation issue is *huge*. I want to go to the gym, I want to go out and do things, but I just *can't* no matter how hard I force myself to try. + +After an argument with my mom about how she's worried about me and how she knows something is wrong, I came clean and told her that I've been keeping how I've been feeling from her, my dad, sisters, and my psychiatrist and therapist. I was afraid to be on new medicine and to be diagnosed with something new. My psych told me that sometimes ADHD can evolve or even be mistaken for Bipolar, since the two share similar symptoms. I was put on Latuda yesterday, and I feel no difference yet, since it takes 3 weeks or more to do so, but I'm hopeful. And hopefully I can learn to live with this since it's a part of me now.",I was diagnosed with Bipolar II yesterday. I guess it's my life now.,2 +861,"I feel so isolated and afraid. Things are turning, crumbling. I feel like I can't turn to anyone. My psychologist and doctor understand but damn the nights are so long, and in the day, I have to be around so many people I can't tell what's going on for me. Some professionals even don't understand me unless they know me very well. I'm a serial masker and even when I'm wanting to throw a chair through a window I'll just casually say ""I'm raging right now"" and they don't take notice lol. So some professionals don't take notice and others say things like ""I'm very alarmed"" at my behaviour. I just can't be that person I used to be anymore; exploding rage and emotion. Luckily a have professionals that see the signs clearly but talking to others can make me feel invisible. + +I feel like everyone in society, the world around me, online, is watching everything I'm saying and doing, even people in cars or shop assistants. Which I know sounds ridiculous, but I feel like I can't move a muscle or say a thing, it's constant. It's even hard to post here. + +It was fun with the spiritual and sensual bliss but now it's just hell. I made the mistake of having a nap before midnight and I won't sleep tonight. I got an exam today, I'll see my nurse thankfully, then my therapist, but right now I just see this long stretch of night ahead of me. The house is so quiet, I'm worried I'll see ghosts if I leave my room lol. I just feel so very alone. + +College helped so much, they're very supportive there, my classmates are amazing but it's getting confusing for me there, too. My mouth is starting to get me in trouble. I feel like my world is getting smaller section by section. + +My psychologist said it was ok for me to go to a Buddhist centre for a few days as long as I don't drive there, as long as I stick to grounding meditation rather than the transendental stuff lol. So maybe that will help me a lot. + +I don't even know what this post is about. It's just all crumbling down, now. I might try to switch channels in my brain rather than hyperfocusing on my phone. Have something to eat and drink. Maybe try sleep again. + +I'm focusing so inwardly; thoughts, feelings, etc. I need to get out of my head and into my body. I try to do the mindfulness 5 things but I'm too paranoid about ghosts right now. I wanna listen to my headphones but can't for the same reason. I think I'm literally too afraid to leave my bed or do anything but type, and too paranoid to ring a hotline. I'm dreading 3 am but hopefully I will be asleep by then. + +I dunno, maybe this post is an ask for someone out there to make me feel like I'm not one alien on an Earth full of humans lol. Either way I just gotta get it off my chest.",The paranoia is killing me,2 +862,"I recently did intake with a 'medication management clinic' because I wanted to renew the prescriptions my now-retired psychiatrist gave me, but they informed me that two of the meds, Ambien and Ativan, they don't prescribe at all, and Wellbutrin is not something they would let me take without an antipsychotic. Because I already have some samples from my old doctor I've been told to start Vraylar. After looking it up I am very hesitant to take it. I have a number of other medical and emotional issues having to do with weight gain and suicidal thoughts among other things, and what I read has me worried. I just wanted a little help me out of the downturn rut I'm in and ease my anxiety and hypervigilance. I have my swings but haven't been hospitalized in 8 years, basically since I stopped taking mood stabilizers (I tried a bunch of different ones in the last 15 years). This a clinic, not a personal relationship like with all the p-docs before, and I don't think the lengthy computerized questionnaire is set up to flag the nuances of my requirements, like weight neutral or not mind numbing. I just want to comfortably exist in the world, able to think clearly enough to get things done and without the paranoia edge that I live with now, but if muscle jerks, increased hospitalizations and diabetes are the price I have to pay maybe life as a hermetic loner is something I have to just accept.",back on the med-go-round maybe?,2 +863,"Anyone else feel like the clock change messes with your whole status? It feels like someone picked up my world, gave it a little shake and put it back down. My sleep suffers, my focus tanks and my moods drops.",Mood changes with clock change.,2 +864,Mornings are rough for me. So I pick my clothes the night before I have to wake up early so I don’t have to think about it. This morning the pants I chose were covered in lint and I couldn’t find the lint roller. I started freaking out. Felt like I was spiraling and even started crying because how u expected it was and it’s hard for me to make decisions. Now I want to have things ultra organized so I can try to stay in control of my enrionmsnt which can help me stay in control of my emotions. My bf witnessed my freak out and it’s just so embarrassing. He doesn’t say anything he just lets me self soothe unless I’m having a really hard episode. Hes still learning about my diagnosis. It’s just so frustrating and it’s hard to not judge and hate myself for not being able to control my reactions.,Little things,2 +865,"I was wondering if you guys had any derealization at all. I see it as feeling like I’m in a dream, being extremely detached/disconnected to people and things around me, to the point where it seems like the crowds of people around me are just part of a random setting I’m in, everything around me is blurred, and that type of stuff. I was wondering if this is normal for the majority of people right now bc of Covid/social media, etc? I’m doing my own research now but I just started unpacking this after my therapist pointed it out.",Disassociation/ Derealization,2 +866,"I was recently diagnosed with bipolar depression. After reading more and more of the posts on this reddit, I've finally felt like I've found the people I've been looking for. I cannot even find the words to express how isolating it is trying to describe some of the symptoms to people. They try their best to relate, but no one ever gets it. The struggles with time distortion between hypomania and depression. The cleaning and reorganizing because you feel like I'm doing so, you have reinvented yourself. The countless abandoned hobbies picked up during a manic episode, where you feel like you posess the ability to learn everything at a superhuman rate. The changes in how much sleep you need. Feeling like a different person, snapping at people and regretting half of the decisions you've made. The suicidal thoughts. It's all so overwhelming, but seeing that others are dealing with the same type of life and coping with it actually brought me to tears tonight. Thank y'all, for sharing your experiences. I didn't realize how much something like this could help.",Less alone,2 +867,"Oh, do I sir? Do I seem normal to you? + +You didn’t see me sobbing in my car on the way to work the last 5 days, you didn’t see me sending nudes to all of my exs at 5am or cleaning the apartment laundry machine with a toothbrush while wearing a gas mask. + +Yes sir I manage it well + +I take my meds, I get my sleep, I pet my cat, I limit stress, I talk to friends, I eat healthy foods, I read books, I call therapists, I 5-7-5-7-5-7-5-7-5-7 breathe in the bathroom so you can’t SEE me loose my shit. + +I couldn’t even tell if that makes you feel better + +No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel like you think bipolar is a sticky note that says CRAZY on my forehead, and not a mental illness I wrangle and defeat on a daily basis. + +GIVE ME SOME FUCKING CREDIT SIR + +don’t tell me I seem healthy and then expect me to take on more work, more stress, more anxiety, because I SEEM normal. Fuck you sir. + +tdlr: + +I manage my mental illness so well that people in my life tend to discredit or overlook what I go through. The real ones know, but I’m still frustrated. + +End of rant. + +Thank you beautiful people. + +Update: the response to this post was honestly more than I could have expected. Thank you everyone who said sweet stuff and even just like commiserated. It’s insane being somewhere 100 other people are saying, “I feel this way too.” With stuff you feel completely alone and insane for feeling. I’m saying too much, but really these comments moved my heart. I don’t feel alone on this anymore. <3",“You seem normal to me”,2 +868,"I am recovering from a relapse following a family death. +I am due to return to work in a highly stressful job. Tried coming back this week but I’m just not ready, taking more time off. + +Why can’t I just get back to normal 😭",Frustrated over slow recovery,2 +869,He’s staying home because the baby woke up way earlier than his normal wake up time and hasn’t been sleeping good the last few days. I have not been mentally okay. I recently started taking laMICtal and I’m hopeful that I’ll feel better. He stayed home because he said I’m not stable and he wants to take care of the baby today. He did this once before and he won’t get in trouble at his job or anything . He has enough personal days and vacation days but I feel so ashamed. I’m upset with myself.,Husband stayed home from work today… again.,2 +870,I 'm screaming and crying in the bathroom at work and i can't handle this. I keep needing to leave work early and call out because my emotions are too fucking much and I am so full of rage. I'm snapping at everyone and losing my mind. I can't stop thinking about hurting myself and sometimes even the people around me. this is the longest and most difficult episode I've ever had. at first it was just euphoric but now im just so angry all the time. I don't know how I'm gonna be able to afford rent but I think I have to leave work again because I genuinely can't do this right now. everything is too much and my head hurts so much. I wish I were dead,I feel like a rabid dog. I'm thinking about checking into a hospital,2 +871,"Had a manic episode back in june. it was bad. i was wired up, didn’t sleep for 38 hours straight. i thought i was invincible. all my friends abandoned me because they didn’t understand the severity of my manic episode. i was impulsive, crazy, and stubborn but it’s because i wasn’t in my right mind. i’m a loner and i feel like no one gets me. everyone leaves. i’ve been in a depression phase for a few weeks, but at this point, i feel so hopeless",Depression phase,2 +872,Hi I’m new to Reddit and have been using Facebook and tiktok as my resources besides reading articles about bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed 6-7 years ago with bipolar 1 and I’m still trying to figure it out. Been off and on with my meds. (Currently off with approval of psychiatrist) I’ve been trying to figure this out still. It’s hard but I’m still trying to figure out my mania. Right now I feel like I’m making risky choices. Like playing with fire with my marriage and sex life. Is infidelity part of mania. I know I’ve heard and read many different things on mania and I know some people on the pages have struggled and this is why their marriages fail and I feel I’m at risk with mine but I miss this risk part which is why I think I want to play with fire? I just need some advice on what you guys do with your mania highs? Or if this was normal?,New here and need some advice possible mania?,2 +873,,It helps to paint. It’s my safe space. I get to forget about my bipolar symptoms,2 +874,"Has anyone else’s bipolar wrecked their relationship? I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features and I found out about it a year and a half ago. I also was also very recently diagnosed with C-PTSD due to an abusive childhood. I had a partner that I absolutely adored but after a huge life stressor I started to experience psychosis and paranoia and broke up with him because I strongly believed he was plotting against me and planning to hurt me. I then went through a series of depressive and manic episodes following the break up. When I finally got stabilized I reached out to him hoping to rekindle only to find out he had moved on with a girl who probably isn’t a complete psycho like I am. I wasn’t as good a girlfriend as I could’ve been either because of my unstable moods and lack of energy/ basic life skills/ girlfriend experience, I wish I could do it all over again and just really show him how much I loved him. It just tears me up inside, I miss him so much, I’m sure he hates my guts. It honestly makes me want to stop living because I miss him so much. I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone else who can handle my craziness. I’m unlovable :(",Bipolar and Relationships,2 +875,Weird question but if someone was not ever admitted or treated for drug induced mania how Long will that last for before they crash? And do different drugs effec the length of manic episode?,how long does drug induced mania last?,2 +876,"so i know this wasn’t a good idea, but after about 8 months of taking my medication regularly (lexapro, lamictal, and abilify) i stopped taking them cold turkey. i stopped seeing my psychiatrist because it felt like a chore but i do see my therapist regularly. for a while after stopping my medication i started drinking every single night to get rid of the uneasiness i felt and just to help me sleep. drinking really became a nasty habit for me. one night after work i took it too far, i’ve had problems with a. toxic relationship for a while and while at work he ended up blocking me out of spite and i didn’t care much because i knew i would just go home and a have a drink. but , that night i came home and got so drunk i started getting super paranoid that someone was watching me and i was crying and i guess talking on the phone so loudly my mother came to check on me. (i’m 19 and still live with my parents) but i was upset because she started questioning if i was drunk and said to hang up the phone but i told her i was finally happy and i don’t remember much from that night but apparently the next day my mom told me tht i got violent with her and threatened to “beat the fuck out of her” if she didn’t leave me alone. anyways, because of that night i haven’t had any access to alcohol, and i’m proud of myself for sticking to that because i would even drink at my boyfriends house and he could get me drinks if i wanted but i’ve been good with it and the only substance i put in my body is nicotine now. + +but now that i’ve been good with that stuff, i’ve become angry, and i pick fights with whoever’s around me, i get violent and suicidal thoughts and im at a point where i feel worthless. i don’t think my environment is helping me. i dropped out of college and i know my parents are disappointed in me. because of my mental health it’s been hard for me to get a job, and now i have a part time in the mall and it’s a really good environment and very distracting. however my dad is on my case about how it’s not a real job and i’m pretty much useless in the house and i don’t contribute to anything. i want to respect him and do more, but it’s hard to be in a house where everyone is depressed and projects their issues. my mother is also bipolar but is always giving me advice she can’t take. i know it’s not easy having a kid who’s bipolar, but it seems like they don’t even try to understand me. everyday i wake up and feel so stuck. i feel like i don’t have a place here. even my hardest isn’t enough. + +i don’t want to be here anymore. im tired and angry. i have no interest in anything anymore other than sex and work because it at least distracts me. + +also my cat too, she’s the reason why i wake up every morning. other than that, i have no interest in doing anything with my life. i don’t care about anything and i never have really. i’m tired but here i am at 2 in the morning unable to sleep because i’m burdened by my thoughts.",exhausted and venting,2 +877,"Hi guys , + +So I am a bipolar and I haven't actually told anyone but few about my bipolarity. Anyway I believe being a bipolar affects the way I am thinking and the decisions I make according to my emotions which are instable and which will eventually lead to a feeling of regret and guilt later. + +So my problem is that now while the usual and frequent depressive episodes trigger, this depressive episode is the WORST so far, I live in this paradoxical loop and cycle between my past and all these nostalgic moments I am always recalling in my mind that could make me sometimes happy but also crying because I miss these moments so much and miss the people that I don't see anymore but have been a great part in my life nevertheless left me for either no reason or with a reason that I couldn't really do anything about it, my present which is affected negatively by my nostalgia and emotions for the past and taking a great amount of time just living in the memories, living in the past and dreams instead of living in the present time, and my future which l do think about but don't care about it anymore, sometimes I used to think about my future to forget about the past but failed to do so. + +Thinking about what I could do in the future makes me a bit happy nevertheless when these nostalgic moments hit me, it just converts me from a happy person to a sad, desperate and disappointed person again that eventually lead to deep depression which cause suicidal ideation, mostly to overdose to death, but ends up with failed attempts to commit suicide. I can't even determine if these memories are good or bad by now cuz it depends as well, sometimes I just get the good parts of the memories while other times I just get the tragic parts and events that happened to me as for getting bullied recently at the university, losing my best friend, losing my boyfriend ...etc. I just believe by now that good memories are even worse and more hurtful than the bad ones. It just feels like getting stabbed in the back. + +These many emotions and mixed-up thoughts I get give me a headache and usually panic attacks, that sometimes I cut myself with a nearby sharp thing as well. + +I also have ADHD, social phobia and severe trust issues. I now feel so bad that I wish this world to stop and my life ends. Thinking about suicide already makes me more comfortable to end my struggle you know. So I've been asking if I am alone on this. Does anyone relate to my experience?","Paradoxical cycle of my past, present and future and suicidal ideation",2 +878,"I want to know how y’all cope with your past, like general traumas and trauma from things that happened to you and things that you did during manic episodes. +I find it hard and have intrusive thoughts about them, I’d love to know how y’all manage these feelings? +Have a great day, everyone. ❤️",How do you cope with your past?,2 +879,I was just wondering if there are others who have bipolar without any family history? I'm literally the only mentally ill person in my family. It makes me question my diagnosis when the disorder is supposed to be heavily genetic :/. There's obviously something wrong with me and the bipolar diagnosis fits but still.,No family history?,2 +880,,Started drawing again during a very bad depressive episode (“self portrait” meaning how ive been seeing myself),2 +881,"TW: Self harm, along with some of what you’d expect in mania +Be specific with examples if you’re willing. I want to see how bipolar varies for people because sometimes I feel invalid. Here’s a list of my symptoms as well in case anyone also needs some reassurance that everyone’s different! +For me it’s: +- Losing sleep, (but not quite all of it—I have an anxiety med that increases need for sleep though so that could play a role) +- Paranoia about all my friends and the world around me +- Risky decisions in terms of conversations with friends, putting myself in a physically dangerous position, and the things I put inside my body +- Hearing whispers +- Feeling like God (and being pretty good at convincing myself I am) +- Sensory issues specifically with touch +- Making boatloads of artwork (it’s my hobby) +- Over-emoting +- S*lf h*rm, but not taking time out of my day to do it, just doing a project or task and being like “I bet I can h*rt myself doing this” +- Talking a lot and having something to say about everything +- Doing tasks super rushed and poorly +- The urge for violence (verbal or physical) +- Not responding to people because I’m in a thrill of art or work +- Leaving my house at any hours during the night/day +- Etc. I’ll edit if I think of anymore",What does a manic/hypomanic episode look like for you?,2 +882,"I yelled and screamed at my friend via phone using cursing words for 2 minuites during my hypomaniac episode. The reason was that my friend (who does not REALLY knows about this disease) joked about suicide. The context was like, sorry I'll just die~ in an friend chatroom - while my head was literally full of suicidal intentions. And I warned for several times that it triggers me. + +Now I am receiving no messages from him for a week (which is unusual) and am really confused. Is this relationship toxic? Does he deserve apology first or Do I deserve apology first? I think I still value my friend but WTF is happening with my life? Would be great to get some advice. Thanks. + +Note) I am taking meds and visiting doctor (chatgpt just repeatedly recommends this)",Coping with my friend,2 +883,"Hey all, we’ve rescheduled our AMA with Dr Tracy Marks while we work out the technical logistics. + +&#x200B; + +This decision was not made lightly, but we do need more time to make sure that everything is set up and functioning correctly before we can go through with this event. We ask that you have patience at this time, and we will keep everyone updated on our timeline once we have everything situated. + +&#x200B; + +In the meantime, please check out Dr. Tracey Marks on [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL2QpphEeZFYwk6-WXD6hpA), as well as her [official website](https://markspsychiatry.com/). + +&#x200B; + +We thank you for your understanding and are looking forward to seeing everyone when we do have this event. + +&#x200B; + +The current date for the event is: **TBD**.",Announcement on our AMA with Dr. Tracey Marks,2 +884,"How are you feeling so far this week? Let us know how you're doing. + +Share as much or as little as you're comfortable with (within the rule guidelines). + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11xzt6g)","CHECK-IN WEDNESDAY ✅- March 22, 2023",2 +885,,Finally starting lamictal after a ton of health anxiety,2 +886,,I hope this hasn't already been overdone,2 +887,,"My support system, waiting for treats after I take my meds.",2 +888,,Definitely been noticing this pattern recently...,2 +889,I try to refill and stay on my medication but there's always an issue between cvs and my drs.office regarding some of my medications. The Dr office will say I have a refill in and then I'll go to CVS and they will say it's awaiting prescriber response and it can only be refilled with the drs approval. (it's Depakote) then I call back the Dr and they say no it's in there but they will call and NOTHING ever gets done. This has resulted in me multiple times being out of my medication when I need it overnight and now I'm up at 4 am. Listen I have to work tomorrow! I have a life. I can't just be up at 4 am feeling all weird and not being able to sleep. Should I change Drs or what??? Pissed off,I'm so tired of being bipolar for the medication factor alone.,2 +890,"Edit: Should have put MIXED in title. During mania - we need sex to straighten out sometimes. + +I’m on the end swing out of a mixed which has lasted about ten days. I wasn’t in psychosis or anything extreme. I’m not off my meds so it wasn’t super dramatic or anything. Worst thing I did was throw a cheeseburger into the sink when I got some bad news about my dog. + +So, we had sex last night and afterwards when we were cuddling in bed he kissed me and said “I’m so glad you’re back. I missed you.” + +We chatted a bit more and he said he’s been dodging my sexual advances because I wasn’t feeling like myself and he felt wrong about pursuing anything sexual when I wasn’t my exact self. + +I hadn’t really put it together. I don’t think I’ve ever been so respected in my life. How does everyone else’s SO handle sex in mania or mixed?",Bf won’t have sex if I’m in mania,2 +891,"I've been hypomanic for the last 3 weeks. I'm medicated and I'm teetotal etc so it was relatively minor. But fuck me does the depression hit me like a ton of bricks. It's more physical than mental at first. My limbs get heavy. I have zero energy to get up and do simple things. I procrastinate. Skip a few meals. Not brush my teeth. Leave a chore that needs doing. Then in a few days I'll feel all the mental affects coming in. If I'm lucky I'll just be comatose for a month. But if a mixed state comes along then it's panic attacks, anxiety, despair and suicidal ideation. Fingers crossed it's just depression. + +The hypomania was alright this time around. I have spent a bit too much, worked a bit too hard, overshared a bit too much, socialised a bit too much. But no real damage this time. It was intense but kind of pleasant. But I can feel the dip is going to be huge. This is anecdotal but it feels like if my mania is under control (no psychosis and no mixed state) the depression part is deeper. Feel kind of quietly melancholic on an epic scale. If that makes any sense. + +It's going to be a slog for the next month. I should be happy I've got things under control I suppose. Anyone else want to share their experiences coming out of mania? It would make me feel better to hear others going through and surviving similar.",I'm coming out of a hypomanic episode and need to talk about it.,2 +892,"I just read that bipolar disorder is linked to childhood emotional abuse. I was also reading about how narcissistic abuse, specifically, causes brain damage. Sadly, I think this is probably how I developed this disorder. Has anyone else experienced something similar?",Childhood Emotional Abuse?,2 +893,,The result of my manic episodes…best spontaneous decisions ever,2 +894,"I'm on 1200mg lithium, 200 mg lamictal. +We're going to go down from 1200mg to 900 mg lithium and then increase the lamictal. + +It did not go well. Anxiety went up through the roof. Just super super bad. + +Then I went back on 1200 (per psych) and the anxiety started improving. Now it's coming back. + +I'm positive this is just my body's biochemistry adjusting back but wow this sucks. + +I just needed to vent.",Failed medication change,2 +895,"I have confidence in my ability to take care of myself. I have been hospitalized twice and it was my decision both times. + +Now it’s a concern on whether I’m capable of moving out of my parents’ house. I’m a grown woman. I have a corporate job. I go to therapy. I go to groups. I take my meds. I have hobbies. + +Worrying is not the same as caring.",today I cried in therapy because I’m tired of people worrying about me.,2 +896,"I've been so good about always taking my meds when I'm supposed to since I started treatment, but for the past few months I just can't seem to remember to take them like I'm supposed to. On top on that, I've gained so much weight since being on them and I'm just so fucking tired all day, every day. + +I'm just so over it all. Like everything. I haven't worked in like three years because I'll lose my insurance if I can even manage to find something I'm able to do. My only support system that understands what it's like (they have bp2) doesn't give a shit about me anymore so there goes that too. Getting to a breaking point and I'm scared. + +Just needed to vent.",I keep missing my meds and honestly don't think I care anymore,2 +897,"Then at least there'd be a hope of getting cured and resuming a mostly normal life. If I knew I just needed to push through the next few years of misery, and then it would be over one way or another, then I think I could do it. And if I did end up dying, at least it would be out of my control. No one judges or blames a person who dies of cancer. No one judges someone for dropping out of life completely to go through chemo. No one blames themselves for their kid dying of cancer. People have so much compassion and sympathy for people with cancer. Why is it that the same compassion isn't extended to people with incurable, lifelong, crippling mental illness? Why does someone's pain have to be cosmetically obvious for people to care, or even believe it's real? + +I talked about this with my mom, who barely survived her own cancer, and she agreed with me without hesitation. I at least feel grateful to have family that can understand and support me, a luxury I know many of us don't have.",I'd rather have cancer,2 +898,"I haven’t had a full time therapist since I was 14, I am 35 about to be 36 in a month. I am scared, I was honest with her and told her my issues with therapy and meds as a child. I flat out told her about some of the suicidal ideation and that I am never going to go through with hit fir collateral emotional damage reasons to loved ones. I also told her that I don’t trust therapists and the reason I have avoided going is I am afraid someone would overreact to my dark thoughts. + +Anyway. Wish me luck. Next visit is second week of April.",So I got a Therapist…,2 +899,"Hello all , I’m new here but I feel like I shouldn’t be lol +Yesterday was kind of a mental health day as I was talking to a social worker who was helping me find a new therapist. Long story short we got into my previous diagnosis’ and I told her mild depression , adhd and anxiety. Yes these are true but however the one that is relevant to this post that popped up that I didn’t know was bipolar. I end up contacting my previous psychiatrist because I did not recall him saying this ( I swear he didn’t ) and he said yes but it is unspecified. He diagnosed me because of my constant irritability and made a point to say today I may be in remission because I wasn’t as snappy as before. I honestly Just thought the things he would say would rub me the wrong way. Next week he’ll do a full evaluation. + +A few years back another therapist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder I forgot which , but I remember her say something of me being manic. I honestly don’t think she’s working anymore but I wanted this evaluation at the time because I believed I was bipolar starting around 13-16 years old. I had my reasons for it. Fast forward to last year my last psychologist said I was misdiagnosed and it was just adhd/add. I had mentioned my sex drive/hyper sexuality (which I may speak on in another post), my impulsive urges to do things, mood swings that can be intense, etc etc she said it was just a mixture of my depression and adhd. +So now here I am, and thinking back to the things I’ve done before and do now. These things I am trying to control and make sense of mainly the hyper sexuality I started to wonder if I was just a sex addict because of my habits and started looking into help to stop these things but yet my only problem is when I’m in the mood lol. +I’m at a point in life where I want a second opinion, or I just don’t want to believe or say I am even though I have the signs more than I’ve even mentioned.","Rant but not really,newly diagnosed but then again I’m not",2 +900,"I've been involuntarily hospitalized once and it saved my life. It was something I needed at the time. However, following my diagnosis, I worry that family members will use it against me if I'm acting in a way they don't approve of. I'm worried they'll tell police officers I'm ""mentally ill"" and that I'll be handcuffed and forcibly hospitalized. Is this fear realistic?",Do you live in fear of being involuntarily hospitalized?,2 +901,"Long story short, I was diagnosed with depression back in 2021 after a rough year and 2 failed suicide attempts December 2021. Physically and mentally I made a full recovery by May 2022, my ex of 7 years cheated on me in June and I surprisingly dealt with it really well. I’d been off work March-September due to factors outside my control which was stressful but again, I dealt with it well. I returned to work and on one of my first days back the most beautiful woman I had ever seen walked into the office. I’m a confident bloke but I was nervous AF! I spoke to her for a bit and thought there would be no way she would like me, fast forward a few hours later and she’d requested to follow me on instagram and we got chatting. We met shortly after for a date and it was like we’d know each other years, best date ever. From this point we both took it slow and just let things happen naturally. The connection we had was unlike any other and for both of us to feel the same was just unreal. I asked her to be my girlfriend in October and she was genuinely excited about it, this made me realise I’d found someone special. Shortly after this I had a serious family emergency and that was ongoing till January, she was my rock, my guardian angel throughout this whole ordeal. I’m 29 and I’ve cared for people a lot in relationships but never been in love despite them all being long term. I thought I was incapable but this woman changed that and she’s the first I’ve ever loved, and hopefully the last. On 02/01/23 the family emergency situation came to a close with expected but still devastated news. From this day on my mental health started to deteriorate but predictably, nothing too rapid. 05/01/23 I went over to my Nan’s house late at night after work to drop a birthday card off for her birthday the following day. I walked in to find her dead on the kitchen floor, this was the day I deteriorated rapidly. I needed my girlfriend desperately for support but I was just far too much to deal with. I wasn’t just depressed, this time it was different. I was awake 4-8 days regularly and would only sleep when I’d black out. I was exhausted but completely and utterly hyper fixated on anything that came into my head. Because it was my girlfriend who had become distant I stupidly bombarded her with messages begging for help and reminding her how much I love her. She wasn’t leaving me she just needed space and I could cope on my own. 20/02/23 2 men tried to steal my car and I managed to keep the car and defend myself but suffered some bad injuries in the process. I was hit 11 times with a knuckle duster and 40+ times by the other bloke with just his fists. I was left with 4 skull fractures, fractured orbital bone, broken nose and broke jaw. I’m an ex professional Muay Thai fighter so I’m used to a certain level of pain and discomfort but this was different, although I now have slurred speech, blind in my right eye and have lost substantial weight this hurt me mentally. I started to have panic attacks and I was going through episodes of what can only be described as mania and borderline psychosis. Again I continued begging my girlfriend for help and pushed her even further away, shortly after this she ended things. She made the right decision because I was horrendous and I was dragging her down. This present day I’m on the mend now and I barely remember any of it, the days all merged as one. It feels like someone else has been living/wrecking my life and last week I woke up and have been given it back. I’m now trying to fix all the damage I’ve caused, I’ve lost most of my friends, family and the love of my life. I’ll never give up on her but for now I can only love her from a distance. I hope one day soon she forgives me and wants to speak again but I also need to get some advice if anyone has experienced this before. I’ve spoke to numerous Dr’s in and outside the hospital but have just been dismissed as I struggle explaining it and play it down. Thanks in advance and apologies for the long read",Trying to fix all the damage I caused,2 +902,"I’ve always taken them all at once along with my multivitamin and didn’t know so many people took them one by one. That seems so time consuming, especially when you have ten or more to take. I just put water in my mouth, lean back and let it sit in the back of my throat, toss the pills in, open my throat to swallow then drink some more water. Been doing that for over twenty years and never had any issues and never got any of them on my tongue with the nasty taste I hear about. Does anyone else take their pills like this?",Do you swallow your pills one by one or all at once?,2 +903,"Or went voluntarily ig. I didn’t. I felt like I was treated like a criminal I felt so violated. I wasn’t overweight I was fit at the time but it still felt so degrading. I remember liking how I looked as I took off my clothes and stood there. They just got all giggly and excited and said “ooh a blonde!“. After I literally hated my body I felt like it took everything sexual away from my body sorry tmi. I didn’t eat for 3 days after then binged on the worst hospital food. I wish I said no. It literally affected me a lot more than it should have but it was a week after I turned 18 so like it just felt weird to me. The age isn’t important it can feel weird to anyone idk im being salty. Idk it’s another late night and I can’t stop thinking about the mental hospital again even tho i was there almost a year ago :/. + + +I think about it less now tho which is good. Sorry I sound soooo grouchy I think everyone had to go thru this as well. Right?",Did everyone else get strip searched when they were sent to the mental hospital?,2 +904,"Hi everyone! + +I have a question that has been occupying my mind for a long time, and I hope that this will spark a discussion and we can get deeper into understanding bipolar and find some answers. Maybe some of you are wondering the same. + +The question: mostly during manic episodes when my mind is racing at an alarming pace I wonder if this is all caused after all by external factors that make me stressed out OR by the bipolar itself, so from within. Like, I'm starting to stress out because a situation occurs that is out of my control: turmoil in a relationship, some annoying interactions, things at work etc. Or I start stressing out because of a shift towards manic? + + This is where I'm lost: at times I think that because of the diagnosis I overthink the stress and anxious feelings; knowing and convinced about my diagnosis i fully inserted bipolar behavior into my own identity and it informs my actions? But we don't live in a sterile bubble, life is life and always something is happening. + + +For context: +during my manic state I start pacing, mind racing, increaced heart rate, twitches and intrusive thoughts. I start walking fast through streets almost running away from this, and I end up looking into passerbys eyes and then it's as if I'm being thrown into their lives, as if I live through their experience, I imagine how they act, what happened in their childhood, flashes into their daily routine, interactions, frustrations and happiness. And then I look at a window on some far away building, start imagining and experiencing the life of another person in a similar way. + Then I get thrown back into my body into reality and become more overwhelmed. Then it's my own memories of the past, then imagining my own future and so on. + + +The experience is intense and doesn't stop. When it wears off eventually I regain focus, calm and ability to think clearer. Happens periodically about every few months and lasts usually about a week, maybe 2(depending how I deal with it after the peak. It's not the most intense that happened but I don't wanna go in even more details, because this is already TL;DR + +Edit: I have been diagnosed by 4different doctors on 4 separate occasions, and rejected that idea for about 7 years until it became too unbearable and I was legit worried that this time I'm definitely not making it through. + + +So let's discuss the initial question! Would love to hear your thoughts about this chicken or the egg question and gain some insights!",Chicken or the egg? discussion!,2 +905,,Peaceful Paranoid: Using Mania and AI together.,2 +906,"Based upon recent memes I made the 200% upgrade to my ADHD, which is now known as AD4K. This choice has been sponsored by my good friends hypomania and anxiety. Also I would like to thank my good friend and worst enemy caffeine addiction. + +No focus. Brain go woooooo. + +Anxiety is super overwhelming, sensory input is cranked up, and so are my emotions. This is the worst feeling ever! I love it! + +Later today I think I'm gonna ask my dad for help with finding a doctor who will actually help me. Maybe try to book an emergency appointment. Right now I'm gonna work on getting some work done and hopefully I can keep this up for a couple hours at least.",Upgraded ADHD,2 +907,"I really could use some success stories. Are you diagnosed yet still feel like your life is good, well balanced and you find it fulfilling? Tell me all about it please. I really need to hear some positive life stories",Living a fulfilling life despite bipolar,2 +908,"I'm 30F. Been diagnosed since I was 14. By SEVERAL doctors. My parents never ""agreed"" (as if there's something to agree on a medical diagnosis) so I was unmedicated for most of my life so far. This gave me a lot of time to figure when a phase was coming, what triggers it, but also a lot of time to do stuff I shouldn't, which hindered me greatly. Because of that, I only started living on my own when I was 24, and that's when I started medication. + +To help with all this I have PCOS (which triggers depression) and long periods (which trigger anemia), so when I get my period I get depressive episodes AND I am physically exhausted and depleted. Which causes me to sleep more, which causes me to go further into depression. + +My bf does his best to understand but it's all a bit beyond his grasp. My parents still don't recognize my situation, so they are of no support for me. I don't have many friends, and only one of them is actually supportive, but she has a rough life and is usually busy with lots of work or something similar. + +So, I'm on my own. I want to straighten up my sleep schedules, but I know I can only do that by decreasing the amount of sleep drastically, which will trigger a maniac episode. It's mostly mixed, not generally full blown mania, but it does get there sometimes and it's like a kinder egg, you only know what you got when you open the box. So it can either go ""let's get the house deep cleaned"" or ""let's blow up our credit card, take on 76 projects I won't complete and f*ck the neighborhood"". You never know. + +So I'm scared to get my sh!t together, basically. And I feel lonely in all this...",I need a support system and I'm scared of myself,2 +909," the creativity i had was second to none. i was often sad that i wouldn’t experience that creativity and passion again but… i am. everyday. it’s beautiful. i realized, that all that fun stuff is still in my head and accessible. we are all geniuses! had this revelation while walking around miami on 0 hours of sleep. does anyone have any recommendations on what i should do to avoid a manic episode? i will call my psychiatrist and let her know. i’m medicated on Abilify.",i loved mania but…,2 +910,"I recently got back on lamictal 3/14, I was supposed to get my period a few days ago and so far still nothing. From what I remember the last time I was on lamictal I never had an issues with it affecting my period but things could be different this time around. Has anyone with a uterus experienced a delay in their period as a side affect of lamictal?",Lamictal and delayed period? Any correlation?,2 +911,Does anyone else experience this? I can’t really describe it other than it feels like I can’t keep my eyes open or concentrate- it’s not just feeling tired. I’ve gone down in dosages three times and am still having this problem. All else seems okay though? From what I’ve read online drowsiness is common with bipolar meds but I haven’t seen any suggestions to help it?,Constant Drowsiness on meds?,2 +912,Literally never been so fucked up in my 10 years or treatment and meds. I am honestly having a hard time imagining waking up tomorrow. I just want some fucking peace. I want all my pain to go away.,Yup. Done.,2 +913,"Does anyone have experience with DBSA or other support groups? More specifically, online support groups? Are they helpful? There seems to be nothing available in south Mississippi and I am really struggling and would like to connect with others like me. I’m just way too isolated and it’s taking a significant toll on my health (mental and physical). All suggestions welcome.",Online Support Groups,2 +914,"Diagnosed bipolar 1. +I never realized how the seasons really effect my mood . But spring time always seems to bring a change in me . These past two weeks have been rough especially with the time change. But for the first time I’ve realized myself becoming manic. Luckily it didn’t get to that point . But it could of . Anyone else going through it during the change of seasons ? +And what do you do to cope ?",Spring time and mood changes,2 +915,"I have been under the care of a community mental health team for 10 years for my bipolar and GAD, I recently moved across the country so my psychiatrist put in a transfer of care request to a mental health clinic in the city I live now. I just received a letter from this new place saying my transfer of care request has been denied because my psychiatrist stated I was stable so they are discharging me to my GP now. + +This can’t be right surely? not only because I have bipolar and need regular appointments with a psychiatrist to monitor/manage my medication etc, but I’m also unemployed and the mental health team were just about to help me with preparing to slowly get back to work starting with volunteering, they told me this new clinic would help me with this and now that won’t be happening I feel completely left in the lurch. How am I supposed to work or do anything without their support? I don’t know what to do, the letter sounded very firm and final about this but my psychiatrist was adamant I would continue to receive support from CMHT. Please help",Transfer of care request denied (UK) please help advice needed,2 +916,"Mania ruined my life I miss my old life the way things use to be I work so hard for everything and went thru so much in life just to destroy it all. Now it’s been almost 5 month and I try to start over went to a new school and trying to make new friends everything and it hurts so bad because it doesn’t compare to the life I use to have. I need some help. How do you rebuild everything! + +I cry everyday after I leave class because it hurts so much that my college degree extended by another 2 years and the anxiety of wondering if I can do it. This hurts so much how do you rebuild your life after mania it like I keep trying and it just ends up upsetting me.",Having to start over is killing me. Who has successful rebuilt their life after mania? Especially if you have a low stress tolerance.,2 +917,"I (32 f) can't seem to handle even the tiniest mistake. I made a mistake whilst driving today, nothing bad happened, just received an excessive amount of horn honking, I didn't do anything horrific but I just can't get over it. I feel like I should just quit driving altogether. It's been the same all of my life, I still die inside on an almost daily basis because of mistakes I made when I was a teenager.. I'm just looking for some coping mechanisms if anyone has any",How do you guys deal with making mistakes?,2 +918,,kitty cats!,2 +919,"I used to be a cosmetologist, and for a while was really good at it until this illness drug me into the depths of hell, I made a few mistakes when I was at my absolute worst (nothing like them losing all of their hair or anything major) but a couple of years ago I went to pick up a pizza and the girl very angrily said, ""I think you did my hair once."" And all I could say was, ""That must have been a couple of years ago.."" and she said ""Yeah about 3"" and sounded PISSED. I keep replaying this even though I haven't done hair since 2017. It plays over and over in my mind telling me I am worthless. I am now pursuing a career in graphic design and my failure of my hair career (I was fired at Christmas time, they told me we were going to be decorating for Christmas, but instead it was a meeting to fire me...even brought in the owner's father to pray over me...which sent me into a major freak out resulting in an ambulance being called) anyway, my mind keeps replaying the loss of my career that I once was so good at...and telling me what a POS I am and that I won't ever be good at anything again. Do you guys go through this?",Do you guys dwell on the past and past interactions?,2 +920,"I'm sitting in my kitchen - not at work - because I accidentally double-dosed my meds last night. I was absent minded and totally didn't remember if I had taken them or not. I didn't want to *not* take them, so I took them not knowing if it would be a double dose or not. + +&#x200B; + +When I woke up this morning, I realized that yes, it was a double dose. I was speaking incoherently, it took me forever to write the text message to my boss, and walking to the bathroom felt incredibly laborious. I fell back asleep for five more hours. + +&#x200B; + +Right now, my biggest side effect is slower breathing. Not too slow where I'm worried, but slow enough that it's different and I'm noticing it. + +&#x200B; + +I was really, really worried for a spell, but I know that this will work it's way through my body and I'll be back to normal shortly. I'm going to go fall back asleep again and hopefully wake up feeling better. + +&#x200B; + +I found some comfort searching bipolar reddit yesterday, so I hope that sharing my experience is helpful to someone. I'm fine, I will be fine, and I'm just going to take it really slow and take good care of myself today. Oh, and be more careful about taking my pills.",I accidentally double-dosed Lamictal and Seroquel,2 +921,"Basically what it says in the title. + +In theory, I know exercise helps with symptoms, and I like going to the gym when I'm not in the depths of depression. However, when I'm depressed, it's nearly impossible for me to motivate myself to go even semi-consistently. I get stuck doing nothing. I have trouble getting myself to put my gym clothes on, let alone actually walking there and completing a workout. + +Also, I don't experience much, if any, of the usual pleasure I get after I work out (normally I'd feel better afterwards) when I'm depressed, so it's pretty hard to convince myself to do it because ""I'll feel better later"". + +I've tried going for longer walks and other stuff, but if I'm honest dragging myself around my city in the rain alone with my dark thoughts doesn't help much. I go out most days with my dog, but when it gets bad I can't even begin to face it. + +I know I sound like I'm being lazy and dramatic, but I'm serious. I really can't stand the idea of getting up, putting on my clothes, putting on my shoes, getting my dog ready, finding my keys, finding my phone, putting on my coat, locking up, going down the stairs in my apartment building, walking for 40 minutes, climbing the stairs again, then unlocking my door and going in. I get stuck between steps and find myself outside alone in the cold too sad to walk home, or staring at the stairs (pun) in my building unable to drag myself up them. + +I get psychomotor slowing when I'm really bad. It's physically difficult to walk. It feels like my body is made of lead. Sometimes it takes me over an hour to complete an activity that would normally take me half that time. + +For people who've been able to push through this and get themselves to exercise, how?",How to get motivated to workout when depressed?,2 +922,Have it on my calendar that International Bipolar Day is a week from today. Wondering if anyone has ways they commemorate the day. Is it meant as a day to spread awareness and destigmatize the condition?,How do we celebrate/recognize International Bipolar Day (March 30th)?,2 +923,"Has anyone had any luck staying sober for a long period of time? +My partner and his family drink often. I really want to stay sober but I feel I won't be fun or the person he met 9 years ago if I don't drink. When I do drink I can black out and or do things I regret and it messes with my stability. How have you handled going to social events sober and still having a good time ?",Alcohol and sobriety,2 +924,"I am tired of my mental health and doctors visit is and therapy and meds. I hate being stressed out working 14 hours in a stressful job and working my weekends . I’m tired feeling like a failure. I’m tired of feeling invcovoe to feeling nothing. I’m tired of having memeroeiw come back of my spouse hitting me and belittling me. I’m tired of fearing a horrible manic episode ruining my life. + +I hate feeling like some kind of whore. I hate the things I did with my body with others when I wanted help. I hate that I only seem to be out of breath trying to run to just get by. + +I feel like I cannot get out of a cycle. And after trying to take my life at various times, it starts feeling more like not that big of deal to just try again. + +I feel so confused and upset that I have lived in such a closeted way. And when I try to hide all about my sexuality, it is like people can just smell it off me and sometimes just seem to prey on it and come after me for it. + +I’m exhausted. Too exhausted and tired of so many things.",I’m too tired,2 +925,I have been stable for 2 years now and titrated my Latuda down from 60 mg to 40 mg because I was oversleeping. It’s much better now but I want to talk to my doctor about reducing it down to 20 mg to make the sleep even better. Is 20 mg a maintenance dose for bipolar type 1? I’m confused why my doctor prescribed me Latuda when I don’t experience depression symptoms and only had one manic episode a couple years ago.,Lowering dose of Latuda,2 +926,"Man I want a cat, one of family members has 2 rag doll cats that I pet sit for a few weeks at time when he travels. When those cats leave the loneliness really starts hitting me. Some days I don’t want to talk to anyone, but having a cat near helps with being by myself. I love cats man, so cute. I got some good friends but no girl, so a fluffy cat to snuggle with would make my day.",Man I really want to get a cat,2 +927,"Every time I start to become happy, to work on something, to even obsess a bit about it I’m scared I’m becoming hypomanic and that I should do something to control it. It an awful feeling: being afraid of happiness cause you don’t know what it can turn into. As this even happened to you?",Fear of being happy,2 +928,"I just got diagnosed with bipolar type 1 today and this is all new to me. I'm on medication for bipolar and an antidepressant as well as an anxiety medication. + +Any advice for someone just diagnosed would be greatly appreciated",I just got diagnosed with bipolar type 1. Looking for advice and tips?,2 +929,so i’m moving from lamotrigine to lithium and in order to do so my dose has been cut in half for a week. i’m moving to lithium because lamotrigine has been making me more depressed but i’m three days in and since i’ve been taking a lower dose i don’t necessarily feel hypomanic (sometimes i don’t detect it right away but theres not really my usual warning signs) and i don’t know if maybe i’ve been taking too high of a dose or if it’s just like one of the cases where someone goes off their meds and thinks they’re doing better than ever but is actually manic and can’t see it 😅,feeling better on lower dose of meds?,2 +930,"Psychiatrist wanted me to try Strattera because he thinks stimulant most likely will cause anxiety or manic. Anyone experienced manic while on Strattera? What was your experience like with this med? + +I’m on Latuda, Wellbutrin, Seroquel and clonazepam. Anyone try Strattera with any one these meds?",Starting Strattera on top of bipolar meds. Anyone on Strattera?,2 +931,"this is literally just me going to vent bc i don’t have anyone rn and i feel like talking to a community that knows what i might be going through is more comforting than talking to people who i know aren’t going to get it or will worry them. + +so last Thursday my friend and I got into a big fight over me not answering my phone , the jist of that is i was called selfish and told i throw a pity party for myself every time I talk about my relationship with my mother ( it’s bad and has only gotten worse as im am adult now ) as well as her insinuating that i undermine their relationship with their parents ( which i do not , because that is not the type of person i am for whatever that’s worth ) and it ended with us blocking each other which is something i initiated bc I couldn’t deal with how uncommunicative she was being it alone interfered with a lot of other plans, like us going to prom together so now im torn about even going to that since it’ll be my senior prom but then the idea of being outside is to much + +so that Monday was my birthday and I had invited two other friends of mine , one of which I was supposed to be moving in with and had been planning to do so for years only for her to tell me the night i turn 18 that she doesn’t see it being realistic , which is fair and I’m not angry with her but it just seems like my life is falling apart , and I know in the future this won’t even matter but i am having borderline suicidal thoughts and can feel my depression getting so ugly that I can’t even look in mirrors or think about my future. + +i feel really lost and I’m trying to stay positive and have my perspective be that of gratitude but I’m struggling and im just so fucking scared about what I’m going to do in my life. I was thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend but I can’t even trust that the thought is mine or just my brain going into overdrive. I can’t even look people in the eye anymore . I just want to sleep and I want to run away and just go somewhere but I know that’s my avoidance talking. + +don’t really know why im posting this , i think maybe I want to hear about your stories of overcoming things and getting to where you are now or just to know somebody else understands.",i’ve had a rough week :/,2 +932,"I’ve been struggling with daily functioning. See the cluster fuck of a last post I had on here as case in point. I’m not working because of PTSD plus bipolar making my brain panic mush. I’m doing better than I have with episodes in the past. I’m getting out of bed. I’m doing care for my little family, my husband and pets. I’m mostly taking care of the kitchen and all food related things for the household. + +I’m just resting a whole hell of a lot more than I want to. I’m wasting away my day with nothing good to show for it. Probably 50% of the time I’m awake I’m in bed or sitting somewhere comfortable doom scrolling. I need to provide income so we’re not so tight on money. After consulting the hive mind of my friends and family everyone and myself have concluded that I need to start a business. I have an idea I’d like to track down but I can’t get going. It’s become an extended issue. I just can’t get going. + +I have a tharapist I love and I can’t decide if I need to see her more often to work on this. Or if I need to go to occupational tharapy. I’ve done occupational tharapy in the past and found if useful, but I’m not convinced it would be a second time. + +I’ve met my deductible so more tharapy with my regular tharapist is free. Tharapy with occupational I’d have to find in network. I live in a rural area so unless I can get virtual from the metro in my state it might be difficult to find something that’s covered…",For functioning: more frequent regular tharapy or occupational tharapy?,2 +933,"Background: I'm bipolar 2. I'm a 42 year old man. In addition to the bipolar, I'm autistic and have been severely abused throughout my life. My wife left me suddenly and with no warning after 15 years of marriage. I'm still in love with her despite her cheating on me twice. I blamed myself, but it doesn't change anything. She also left me with both of our kids, who I love a lot, they're 10 and 15. We've decided to slow date again, and see if we can actually be together, but she's already saying it's hopeless before the first date. Yeah, I know, it's a really bad sign, but I have to try for me. + +Now: I can't stop sobbing all the time. Like hard, hurt sobbing. I'm in therapy and I'm on meds. I'm not actively suicidal, but I am starting to worry that I might be slipping into a suicidal trance. I think about it daily and I keep pushing the kids into my brain to stop it. I don't really have anyone to talk to because of the aforementioned marriage, there's a lot there and a LOT of people would tell me don't give her a second chance, including my 15 year old. I feel so fucking stupid for still loving her despite the harm she's caused me. But let's get back on subject. Today, when I was signing out of work on Slack I typed ""Bye"" to my boss unconsciously, I've never done that before, it's always been, ""See you Monday,"" or something else. I held my 3 cats each in turn today and just wept and hugged them. I wandered around the house (I work from home) after work and just felt melancholic and went into each of the rooms and thought about memories in that room. I don't know what my brain is trying to get me ready for, but I'm scared of myself right now. I can't really talk about it out loud to too many people because if the divorce goes forward I might lose custody of the kids because of it, even though they've both said they want to be with me and she is the one who left. So here I am. I don't know what is happening, I'm scared and I have no where to really turn at the moment.",I feel like I'm subtly giving up and I can't stop,2 +934,"Ok, kids. I switch over to Lamictal from Dep several years ago. I'm pretty stable on it, but I think I scored a weird little side effect and I'm curious about how widespread it is. My hair went from having a slight wave to it to being decidedly curly. Google ""research"" seems to indicate that this is a possibility. Has anyone else noticed changes in their hair after taking it for awhile?",Lamictal Hair?,2 +935,,Doctor didn’t specify what type of bipolar? Is this normal?,2 +936,I can’t believe this is real and this is me. I am bipolar and I’ve always know but it’s just crazy to have it reiterated to you. I am going to have to be like this forever. On meds forever. In therapy forever. It’s so fucking over whelming. Knowing none of my relationships will ever be stable fucking hurts,I can’t believe I’m like this forever,2 +937,"24yoF. I was recently diagnosed this past December. Bipolar (and other mental illnesses) runs genetically on my mothers side of the family (i didn’t get to know my mom she died) her sister is bipolar, but she is a very heavy meth addict, so i dont really go to her for advice or support. My dad is one of those people that don’t believe in a mental illness. My doctor has given me a low dose Seroquel/cymbalta combo and it does help 75% of the time. I also started a new job, i used to be a medical assistant, but i honestly think it made my condition so much worse. I think i always showed signs of being bipolar but never recognized them. But when i was a medical assistant i think it made me so much worse. I’m here because is anyone else’s mania miserable? When I’m manic it’s like I’m so overwhelmed with adrenaline. I cant sleep, extreme irritation/rage and horrible anxiety. How have you learned to tell the difference between how you actually truly feel, and when your being irrational? Is it possible to have a successful/stable relationship when your bipolar? Sometimes i just feel like when my feelings are so strong and intense i am such a toxic person and it’s gross, and i want to fix it.",Recently diagnosed,2 +938,"I haven't had a therapist for a while because I felt like it wasn't working for me. I am very self aware which just seems to make it difficult. I can describe my feelings and thoughts well so they don't understand why I'm struggling. It's like, just because I can articulate it or locate the source of the problem doesn't mean I'm actually working through it. Does anyone else have this problem? I feel like I haven't found a therapist that really gets it yet so I barely make any progress.",What kind of therapy do you do?,2 +939,"Just semi recently some people who I considered long time friends and I truly believe it’s because I was being more open about my diagnosis. For context they has DID and alters and I tried to accommodate for them as much as I could. Yet they randomly removed me after we spent a few weeks together (it was a visit) +I don’t really know what went wrong as I took my meds and I have a passive nature in general. No manic outbursts or emotional ones at all. We all were laughing and having a great time laughing and doing fun activities. But as soon as I got home one of them just didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. And I truly believe it was discriminatory behavior because I would bring up my diagnosis/ make jokes of because they would do the same. (Making jokes of my diagnosis helps me cope in a way) It took me bit to collect myself but I’m doing a whole lot better with therapy now that they’re not in my life anymore. They were also very against seeking medical advice for mental illness and rather get high and not address their issues with a professional. Has anyone else here ever lost close friends that backstabbed you over your diagnosis? Or is it better for people with this disease to just keep everyone at arms length and give the cold shoulder out of fear of discrimination or assumptions on what they think bipolar is? Most people don’t judge by the content of your character anymore and it’s so incredibly sad it has to be that way",Losing friends over diagnosis?,2 +940,"After finally coming to terms with the fact that mania has ruined everything good I’ve worked so hard for in my life, I’m recommitted to bettering myself. Only issue is I keep comparing my current situation to the past when tunings were good. + +I really want to graduate college. I do. I went for three years. However, now, I cry after every class and have panic attacks at the thought of having to do the work and/or study to get through it. Not to mention that my program of study is going to take 2.5 years to complete and I have no motivation. + +I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m miserable if I just sit home and do nothing and I’m miserable when I go out and actually try something. Advice?? 😞",Is it possible to turn your life around if you hate every waking moment of it.,2 +941,"Sure, I get some highs (cyclothymia) but at this point most of my short life was spent in depression. + +I tried most flavours of depression : there is the burnt out one, the high functioning one, the low functioning one, the one where you lay in bed for weeks, the one where you pretend everything is fine but you just stare at a blank wall all day, the one where you can't speak anymore, etc + +And I only got a sprinkle of highs. I know I shouldn't wish for more highs but the lows are so goddamn low, I just want to get at level 0. Hypomania is not a side dish in my plate : it's barely a spice. + +So spicy depression is my lot. I feel I'm always pretending to believe it's gonna be okay. + +So yeah. Bad day today. Bad meal. + +Maybe I'm just a terrible cook.",my bipolar is mostly just ✨spicy depression ✨,2 +942,"I have bipolar disorder with a comorbid anxiety disorder. I became symptomatic around the time I was 13 and was diagnosed at 19. I’m turning 40 in a few months so I’ve suffered/lived/almost died/laughed through this illness for over 2 decades. I have a friend who I will call Amy. Amy was recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety after a stressful life event. Amy knows about my diagnoses and we are very close, so she has turned to me for questions and emotional support. I love Amy. I want to support Amy the best I can. But the amount of emotional support she is asking for is starting to drain my own mental health resources for staying stable. Additionally, Amy makes a lot of comments about our experiences being the same and she “gets what’s it’s like for me now” when she very clearly does not. She is not making these comments from a place of ill intentions. I know mental illness is not a contest and mental health treatment is important for everyone. However, I have started to internalize it as “Amy is downplaying everything I’ve been through.” Does anyone have any advice on how I can support Amy while protecting your own mental health?",Maintaining my own mental health while helping a friend,2 +943,"I feel like I always get impulsive when manic, but also impulsive when depressed. I relapse on drugs more when depressed and I do more risky behaviors in an effort to feel something better then how I feel. + +When I’m depressed I’m Impulsive in order to escape the feeling I have vs when I’m manic I’m impulsive because I don’t think things through and everything is a good idea that needs to be done then and now.",impulsive while depressed,2 +944,"After 15 years of misery, trying countless meds, being hospitalized multiple times, enduring 4 suicide attempts, I have achieved happiness and peace. My life is not perfect, there are things I still want to acheive. But the old me is gone. I am no longer a slave to the conventional desires of life. I want to spend the remaining time studying religion, philosophy, and happiness. And no I am not going to quit my day job.",Happiness,2 +945,"I eat a lot, more after I started my meds. When I am stressed or under pressure I have a big appetite for food like sweets. I eat even more when manic even tho I am not hungry. I think I do it cause I have control over it, but I see now how out of control it has gotten. I gained like 40 kg in 1 year and I am so unhappy with myself. I wish I could loos them kg over night. But the appetite never gets away and I eat again. It is vicious circle.",food as the main coping mechanism,2 +946,"I had a serious suicide attempt a few days ago where my bf had to call an ambulance and I was in the ICU for a couple of days. My bf had already been through one (minor) attempt with me 6 months ago. He was really upset this time and told me that if I have another attempt he won’t be sticking around, it has to stop, it’s too much for him. He also said I can’t self harm anymore or the relationship will be done. We’ve talked about getting engaged before, and he says he will need to see me 100% clean for a while before considering marriage now as he doesn’t want to have to get a divorce if I relapse—he is full on serious about this ultimatum. + +I’ve never felt insecure in our relationship until now. I feel threatened, I can’t guarantee that I won’t have another attempt or self harm relapse for the rest of my life. He is the sweetest, most supportive, loving and caring bf I have ever had and I want spend the rest of my life with him, but now I feel like it’s inevitable that I will lose him. I feel heartbroken already. I’m scared of losing my person. + +Any advice or words of comfort are welcome. I just needed to get this off my chest.",Insecure in relationship - TW: suicide,2 +947,"I’ll go first: i take my meds at night. + +I have a 10 section pill box where I pre cut my blister packs into individual portions and put them into the sections, which I stick a small blank sticker on top of each section of the pill box ; on the sticker I write the date next to the day of the week. So for example “24/Fri” or “26/Sat” so on and so forth. + +This way I know at a glance whether I’ve taken the pills for the day or not (or whether I’ve missed a day of meds)",What do you do to help with taking meds?,2 +948,,"Sometimes when I leave my house, the universe sends me signs.",2 +949,"My best friend and emotional support companion, Lucky the cat, passed away on Tuesday of an undiagnosed brain tumor. I’ve been struggling with a major depression episode for a bit but this is so much more than I know how to take. I’m meeting with my therapist on Monday, but it hurts, and I miss my fur baby so much…",Spiraling,2 +950,,Crashing,2 +951,"Benzos don’t work for me anymore. I definitely haven’t built a tolerance, at most I used to take 0.5 once a week. I had a manic episode and was hospitalized, after I was released I tried to take rivotril to calm down and it did absolutely nothing. + +Could the mania have permanently altered my brain chemistry? I’m also a LOT more sensitive to caffeine now. I was always sensitive to caffeine but it’s gotten a lot worse, I can’t even have a Pepsi, which has a negligible amount of caffeine + +It’s also changed the way I react to nicotine, I get way more buzzed than I used to. I know nicotine isn’t good but I’ve been using it as a temporary replacement for my benzos until I find out what’s happening. + +Also I know it’s implied but just to be clear I only had benzos on an as needed basis",Can mania permanently alter the way you react to different drugs?,2 +952,I have been wondering for a while how much self awareness do you people have during manic episode or is it nearly non existent because i don't mostly remember doing some stuff I must have done while i was manic but my friends and siblings always have video proofs of it.,AWARENESS DURING PSYCHOTIC MANIC EPISODE,2 +953,Every single time I think I’m getting better I’m just not. I thought I was healing but really I was masking my depressive symptoms with drugs. Now I’ve ran out of drugs to binge on and I can feel myself spiralling into mania and I don’t wanna sectioned again I just can’t please someone help me,Every. Single. Time.,2 +954," I have seen a lot of posts with the inverse saying there medication makes them fatigued. But recently I took Zyprexa for 2 months (and thought I would be fine off medication, and didn't like the sex side effects) and on it I felt totally normal and also stopped taking naps. My fear of fatigue, tiredness, and sleepiness was essentially gone. + +Now I am back to crying all the time, napping all the time and exhausted. I am 36 and have been bipolar my whole life but I did make it 12 years off meds before recently taking them. I don't ever remember being that tired. I had no idea depression could do that to someone. I want to sleep all day. I hate it.",Tiredness relieved ON Medication,2 +955,,"It's been a while, but here I am again, trapped in a web of questionable coping strategies and existential dread.",2 +956,"She's talking about how her and her partner use energy healing and using frequencies and tapping into the multidimensional levels of consciousness to heal the body mind and spirit. + +Apparently all mental health diagnosis are bullshit and all you need is some energy healing to address their physical, mental and spiritual issues. Also apparently my past lives are continuing trauma as well. + +Western medicine is bullshit and so is therapy apparently. + +I'm so upset. All of this sounds like my psychosis and hearing it from someone who sounds sound of mind is so confusing and upsetting. I thought I was having a spiritual awakening and having that ripped away from medication and a diagnosis was really upsetting. + +I'm stable now and wouldn't ditch my meds ever but hearing stuff like this makes me feel like I'm broken. + +Edit for anyone who cares: I'm sorry for being disrespectful of other cultures who utilize these methods. To be honest I meditate and have explored a lot of what she was talking about and found some comfort in it for a while. My main issue is her completely discounting modern medicine and who knows how many people are running around having episodes thinking they are operating at a God frequency because of people like her. Won't apologize for using the term snake oil Saleswoman because if the shoe fits...🤷",Snake oil Saleswoman at work is triggering me very hard,2 +957,"I have this overwhelming sense that I'm going to die soon. It's not a fear, I just... like. This is it. This is where it ends. + + +I have no idea why but I cannot shake it. + + +Should add I also am starting to get the like.... weird staticy feeling I start to get when the psychosis symptoms start to play up",Overwhelming sense of death,2 +958,"Hi everyone! Got back from a trip to Denmark last Friday and currently hypomanic at home. It was a rough week but I’m interested in support right now. + +I’m doing fine meaning I have my family and friends around me. I‘ve been on meds for 11 years but I missed them twice in Copenhagen and drank because I was anxious. I went solo after being sober for 5 months. I’ve never been to Europe before so it was all a bad combination. Now I know my trigger for drinking: anxiety. I see my therapist on Monday. + +I’m being told I’m doing everything right but I still get scared it will be as bad as my last episode.",Finally in Remission,2 +959,"Hi everyone, idk I think this is just ranty but need to move this energy into something else. Been feeling so so down especially these last few weeks. We upped my Wellbutrin so hopefully that helps. Everything just feels so pointless and I’m really struggling to find a reason why I should even be here. I thought that school motivated me but now I’m just repulsed having to do school work even if it’s about something that I used to enjoy reading/writing about. Do I even want to major in this anymore? Do I even want to do this career?? Do I even want to do ANYTHING? Nothing is fun anymore, I can barely find the motivation to play my favorite games. I usually just end up laying in my bed with my phone or watching the same show everyday. What are you supposed to do when nothing sounds appealing to do? + +Work fucking sucks all the time, which makes me sad because I really loved this job. It’s taking everything in me to not just go cry in the bathroom after every single customer interaction. And then I feel guilty because they pay me well and provide great benefits so I should be thankful right? Idek WHY it sucks, customers aren’t that bad and my coworkers are cool enough. The work itself isn’t hard or boring. But I just don’t even want to work. But then when I’m home I don’t want to be there either and I feel like a piece of shit for laying in bed all day. + +Idk, I’m not gonna do anything but it’s been *really* hard to want to be here anymore. I don’t want to tell my therapist cuz tbh a stay in a psych ward sounds substantially boring and lonely. And I would miss my partner too much. And my cat. I *think* about stuff I should/could do to improve my life and it’s an endless cycle: thinking of all the great things I should do tomorrow (exercising, rearranging my bedroom to be more comfortable, whatever). Then I wake up and do none of it. And feel bad all day. Sometimes I wish I was manic just so I could feel something other than shitty. But mania sucks too so?? Sorry, I’ll get off the soap box now I just wanted to scream my sadness into the Internet void.",Feeling down again,2 +960,"I was literally depressed-ish for like a week where all I could do is lay in bed and rewatch shameless (got through a season a day, that’s like 11 hours of tv a day 💀) but I started my new job today (which went well!) and at some point it turned to mania and I’m so tired and took so much sleep stuff but I can’t sleep or relax at all I’m so thriving can you tell live laugh love",Manic and can’t sleep,2 +961,,“Through the Thorns” - a birthday card I made for a friend who also has BD.,2 +962,,Withered,2 +963,"I feel restless from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to bed, i am an artist for a living and i use to enjoy making art. Let alone self care like long showers and making a nice meal. Everything feels rushed, like time is running out. I'm never fully present when doing things and i always find my mind wandering and not focusing on the task at hand. Mentally i'm scattered with just about everything and executive function is non existent. I want my life back and I want to feel like I have time. Even if I tell myself I have time I can't just sit down and have my mind stop too. My mind never stops even if my body can't keep going",I don't know how to be present in the moment and time slips away,2 +964,"I’m 61 now and was diagnosed bipolar 1 at 28. It’s quite severe, I get psychotic and inhabit a whole alternate reality. Despite taking meds religiously all these years, and trying so many different combos, I still average one manic episode per year and they can go on for months. The consequences of the episodes have been serious, especially when younger. I haven’t been able to hold a job and am on disability. + +Unlike many of you that I see here I am often not able to ‘catch’ myself, and once it’s at a certain point I lose all insight and am belligerent if people try to suggest I’m not ok. Last year I seemed to have a good year and felt more hopeful and optimistic than for some time. But that came crashing down when I was suddenly arrested and dragged off to hospital in the New Year (I’d done nothing criminal but I guess I must’ve been acting strange). + +One of the hardest things for me is the shame and humiliation for how I acted when manic while being adamant that there was nothing wrong with me. In retrospect I could have been seriously harmed or worse when I used to roam around the streets at night and do risky things. Nowadays I mostly just post obnoxious nonsense online and get myself banned or blocked. I’ve lost friends, like many of us. That irresistible desire to communicate seeks an outlet, you know? + +I just wondered if anyone could relate.",Being the crazy lady,2 +965,"Just so disappointed that I (25M) spent 2/3’s of my savings on bullshit. Mainly clothes, books and random items from local stores that I never use. I worked a lot of different jobs to earn that money since the beginning of college (7 years ago) and in a little less than 2 months most of it is gone. Can’t even afford to join my family on a vacation to visit my mothers homeland because it’s too expensive for me… And being consistent with a job while my meds are kicking my ass energy wise is extremely difficult. Just feeling down about my situation, I know it’s not forever but damn. Don’t wanna be another guy that’s just negative on this thread, so I hope whoever went through something similar like this will continue to have faith that things will get better and know you’re not alone in your experience. Stay strong guys 🖤","Vent: I just wasted 2/3’s of my savings during my 2nd manic episode, can anyone relate?",2 +966,,Mischief,2 +967,"Wondering if there’s a link between that and bipolar. If you’re not sure what I mean, it’s when you have a hard time remembering what someone looks like/recognizing people. Like if I see a friend in public I’m never sure if it’s actually them or if you ask me to describe someone’s features I’d have no idea. Actually a good example is after yoga class I won’t be able to recognize which person is the teacher after everyone has left the studio— so I try to memorize the teacher’s tattoos or outfit color so I know who to thank after class. Anybody else experience this??",Anybody have prosopagnosia/facial blindness?,2 +968,"I feel like I’m never going to have an actual support system or a life worth living. I’ve been homeless for almost a year. Finally got connected with a psychiatrist but he prescribed seroquel and I’m terrified to take it because of the weight gain. + +I don’t have any real life friends and my bf is great but doesn’t fully understand how bad it is inside my head. + +I don’t know how I’m ever going to not live in my car because every time I have some money saved something happens. + +I guess I’m just venting because I have nowhere else to talk to people who may understand. + +Update: found another organization that works with homeless people here so I just completed registration paperwork for that. They also provide mental health services so I’m hoping they will be able to help",How do you accept life the way it is?,2 +969,"I am just laying in my bed not tired and I have been thinking about the past and realized how many times before diagnosis I was experiencing this. + +Working 65 hour weeks, hypersexual behavior, obsessive behavior, delusions and stuff. I was diagnosed 3 years ago, and definitely have been experiencing this since maybe 10 -12 years ago + +Now I actually understand the extreme paranoia, delusions, and minor psychosis and extreme hypersexual behavior + +( I don't have psychosis much, but this year I tried to jump out of moving car because my mom's car was filled with bugs (hallucinations) ) + +Anyone ever just realized how long we have actually been dealing with these side effects of bipolar?",Realizing mania in my past,2 +970,"I am currently in the process of getting divorced but looking towards the future and getting back in the dating scene I realized I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing! My ex-husband was with me when I was diagnosed so it’s never something I had to really “tell” him about. + +I have bipolar II and overall it has been fairly well controlled until recently in going through this divorce. I had a severe (for me) hypomanic episode followed by a severe depressive episode but now am back on meds, picking up the pieces, and getting back to a feeling of normalcy. I know that the stress of dealing with my addict ex plus the stress of the divorce absolutely contributed to the severity of these episodes so I’m hopeful that moving forward I will continue to be well managed. + +My concern is that in dating someone, eventually I would want them to know what I’m dealing with, but I understand people who would not want to be with me due to this condition. Obviously telling someone deep mental health stuff on a first date would be off-putting but I’m just wondering if any of you have found a good way to handle this appropriately?? Thanks in advance 😊 you all are amazing.",How soon do you tell someone you’re starting to date?,2 +971,"I've never really had a best friend, and at most I've had like 2-3 good friends and then a bunch of people who I'm friendly with but would never interact with outside of school (college). I'm worried my bipolar is scaring people away. I feel like even thought most people don't know i have bipolar they know something is wrong with me it drives them away. I'm eccentric, show up having a completely different mood than the day before...typical bipolar stuff and I just feel like people know I'm not right. or maybe there's other reasons I'm not good at having best friends. Out of my two closest friends, I guarantee I am in neithers top 3, top 5 maybe not even top 10. (Not even being self depricating I know it's true) How can I be closer friends with people?",How do I make friends as someone with bipolar/social anxiety?,2 +972,"Idk i feel like he has to go through so much shit to just be with me, he has to handle my highs and lows, remind me and convince me to take my meds all the time, i feel like he could have gotten any other ""normal"" gf... + +But u know what? He says he loves me unconditionally, he supports me in both my highs and lows, he genuinely cares about me, sometimes i wonder how a broken girl like me got so lucky? + +Any guy or girl would have ran as soon as they heard me say i can cure depression... but he didn't he just tried to ground me in reality, and ofc recommend i go to the psych ward which i eventually did. + +Just thought i'd post something a little bit more positive this time around. + +I'm happy",I feel like im so much for my bf,2 +973,"First time poster, still trying to figure out Reddit. My friend recommended this app once I got my diagnosis of Bipolar 2 last year. I’m 29, diagnosed at 28. + +Ever since my psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder I have been suffering from serious short term memory loss. I’ve never had the most attentive brain but before I started taking my medication/had someone to talk to I remembered things too well if that makes sense. + +For example: my fiancé and I were talking last night and I pulled out my calculator and typed one number in and then all of a sudden I couldn’t remember what we were talking about 2 minutes prior. Then I asked what we were talking about and he gave me the most concerned look. I know he isn’t mad at me but worried. It’s happening so often I’ve started writing everything down. Like everything, conversations, tasks, reminders, messages I need to reply back to. It’s getting ridiculous. + +I’m currently taking Busprion 15 mg 3x a day, Hydroxyzine 50 mg 3x a day, Aripiprazole 10 mg 1x a day, and Buspar 150 mg 1x a day. + +Also, I work a very high stress job. I am a program coordinator for a low barrier homeless shelter. We deal with death, ODs, fights, assault of staff, rape allegations. It’s rough. Maybe this info will help? Idk. I just wanna know if it gets better or if I’ve given myself permanent brain damage.",Brain Fog/Memory Loss,2 +974,"Hello everyone! This is my first time posting in this group. I was diagnosed with bp2 after struggling for years with depression and supposedly mania also. But I was also diagnosed with adhd a little over a month ago. Both felt like I was diagnosed relatively quickly. Idk if that’s a good or bad thing. My depression has always been bad especially in my teens but my best friend died of suicide when I was 18 and it got worse from there. Im currently 21 and have no will or desire to pretty much live( not suicidal I think) life just seems pointless when im always depressed, I have zero motivation to do anything. Im in therapy but it feels like it’s not helping. I was recently put on vyvanse to help with my supposed adhd diagnosis. It’s helped with my motivation a little but hasnt really done much. And every anti depressant/psychotic has either made me worse or done the bare minimum which is keeping me alive. Ive been on 5+ different medications since my bp2 diagnosis 2 years ago. Ive had maybe 2 or 3 hypo manic phases since my diagnosis but their never anything more than a day or 2 of euphoria and more motivation and a splash of poor impulsive decision making. I don’t really know where I’m going with this other than how the fuck do you guys deal with this? My lifes been at a complete stand still since I was around 16-17. I have no diploma, no job and not a single desire to pretty much be a human at this point. Sorry for the long post I just figured I’d give an insight to what life is for me. Any help/advice is much appreciated since I feel so alone and like no one understands.",Dealing with this condition.,2 +975,,Celebrate the generic!!!,2 +976,Started latuda awhile ago and I just had my follow up appointment. My memory recall and all around cognitive abilities have declined significantly. I have anxiety and fears that I've never experienced. (Fear of death etc). You know what my psych told me? These aren't things common with latuda. He told me that I need to get tested for obstructive sleep apnea. All of my symptoms point towards that instead of mental illness. What the hell! Ive been on meds since I was 15 and know myself well enough to have awareness of how something is affecting me. I hate how dismissive some doctors are. I'm searching for yet another psychiatrist. I'm so over this.,Dismissive psychiatrist,2 +977,"I attend IOP groups and individual therapy sessions at the same place, my therapist who I have worked with on and off for a year and a couple months just told me today that she is leaving soon and I am heartbroken. I love my therapist and I don't know how I am going to keep progressing without her. There will be a replacement for her but idk what to do, I don't want a different therapist. :(",Dependence on therapist,2 +978,"I'm diagnosed bipolar 2, and whenever I'm manic, I get reckless and spend money like mad. Does anyone have any advice to help with stopping this? It's killing me and makes my depressive episodes way worse.",Manic Spending Sprees,2 +979,"I dated an undiagnosed bipolar 1, while I was an undiagnosed bipolar 2. We met on a mania in our early 20s. I’m sure many of you can imagine the drugs and “fun” we had on our high. + +I ended up pregnant. He came down hard and I started having suicidal thoughts from all the drama being bipolar entails. I had an abortion. It was the abortion or drive off a bridge. Even his catholic family had choice words for me, that made me feel all the more trapped. + +I cleaned up and went back to college, and started traveling more. He went to rehab 2ce. I wrote him while in rehab the 2nd time. He was kicked out of rehab for acting on his hyper-sexuality. Him and the lady became a couple and had a daughter. I leave him alone, because now he’s diagnosed and I took a few college courses to educate myself on mental illness. I knew he wasn’t in full control. He would call me from fake numbers in the middle of the night, and we’d talk, never meeting up. His lady caught on and would call and confront me. I sent her receipts that it’s him after me. Eventually he stopped contacting me knowing I’d snitch. + +It’s been 8 years and I’m now diagnosed, and medicated myself. I recently had my own daughter. I’ve been thinking about him, and looked him up. He reached out to me 2 years ago, right before I was diagnosed, and I responded with his arrest record. + +As I’m looking into him, I find out he was in a coma from going in to cardiac arrest. He’s learning to walk, talk and move his hands again. It looks like he lost a finger. His family hasn’t posted any information about how or why. Also my daughter has the same name as his mom, totally forgot his moms name and my spouse picked the name. + +I’m in this fog of wanting to reach out, but also, why? We are living separate lives. It’s been almost a decade! I questioned if it was real love or the mania for so long.. + +My spouse and father of my daughter is a good guy. He’s stable and loving. He isn’t jealous and we have talked about the ex in the past. We have agreed that we chose each other and not the ex’s. However, he will never understand what not being in full control is like. + +It’s how I ended up on this sub. Looking to see if I was as crazy as I felt. Looking for similar experiences and stories, and boy did I find my community. + +Just looking to get this off my chest; and for y’all’s 2 cents, and experiences.",How do you deal with your past?,2 +980,"I’m looking for some tips on how to handle moodiness. Clearly I go through swings of up and down, but on the downs it’s really hard to not feel tired and irritated by everything. People want to talk and I just want to go into a corner of the room with the lights off and just clonk out. I’m on meds which makes things SO much easier than they used to be, but I still get strong symptoms, so I’m looking for maybe something alternative I can practice on top of meds? any suggestions?",moodiness,2 +981,"I went for years thinking I had ADHD because of a childhood diagnoses of hyperactivity in the early 70s ,I'm 57 now. I was put on Ritalin than sedated me until it reversed and mad me worse. + +I got a diagnoses Of Asperger's syndrome at age 4o And thought the episodes were part of that . I Have been getting worse but I felt like superman when I was up and took it a a good state to be in ,Hardly the case people would be frightened of my actions which I could not understand why, they wanted me to move faster at work (cooking 40 years) I would become increasing more agitated as the months would go on. and would just fly off the handle and have a melt down and bye bye job. + +I never felt out of control until recently when my father died in February and I have been on full throttle for a month now so I changed my Psych doc and said that I was manic and took me off the anti depresses that my old doc prescribed. and gave me abilify and buspirone Just wed mar 23 2023 it has been a month since I slept more than 2 hrs. I still up but I am coming down slowly. + +I never notice the down side I just knew that I felt better not moving as much to the neglect of housework, and no motivation to give a dam about work again I had an attitude wile when I was down almost hatting the people I worked with and being resentful of having to work. + +&#x200B; + +sorry if this is disjointed I'm still amped up to 11.",New diagnoses,2 +982,"Before I get into this, I know I was an asshole and I regret it so much that I’m crying. That’s why I’m here to ask so I don’t have to be judged by people I know. + +I’ve been fine for a while, surprisingly, considering I’ve been off my meds for a while. But yesterday was rough. I was starting to feel depressed and numb again so I did everything I could to keep it at bay. I went out, I tried to do hobbies, spend some time outside. But then my anxiety and paranoia started setting in. I feel like I was being watched and veery sound the woods made freaked me out. Eventually I couldn’t stand it anymore and had to go inside and go to bed. + +Something to note, I’ve been off my meds but just recently realized I was a fucking idiot and am moving back onto them. For context of the next day, I took some hydroxyzine last night to help me calm down and sleep. I tend to wake up a bit groggy but it fades. + +But today i’ve felt horrible. I’ve been depressed, irritable, paranoid, I just don’t want to be here anymore dealing with it. +I have a dog and because of our house set up, I have to spend all day in the dining room with dining chairs and tile floor. No where to lay down. So I laid on the floor. Earlier I had been throwing a toy for my dog but stopped because my energy felt so low. + +As I was lying there, she kept nipping at my heels and barking when I told her to stop. Finally, my anger boiled over and I yelled at her. I said awful things to her that I don’t want to repeat, even to strangers on the internet. I put her in her crate and went to the bathroom to take a bath and calm down. I feel so awful about it and I hate feeling like this and hurting others. My medicine is supposed to help me but as soon as I started taking it again, this happened. + +Help.","Help, I’m tired of it all",2 +983,"hello! i’m writing here because i’m not too sure where else to look. + +i have adhd, sensory processing disorder and an on the gifted spectrum. +recently i’ve been going to therapy for adhd, and a few weeks ago my psych brought up that i might have bipolar. i’ve done a lot of research and have talked a lot about it when her,and i definitely have bipolar. +im going to see a psychiatrist and try to get meds for it, but i wanted to see if anyone else is like this before i get it checked out. + +i do not experience intense anger. like… at all. +even before i started questioning if i had bipolar, i knew that i didn’t have the ability to get angry. +sure, i get irritated- but that’s only at my family members. in public i don’t display or even feel anger. + +maybe it’s because as a girl, any negative or ‘masculine’ emotion is seen as undesirable, but plenty of girls get angry. + + +i know not all people with bipolar experience aggressive behaviour, but i feel like i should at least be a little angry? i’m irritable at the most, and i feel like it’s the only trait of bipolar i DONT experience. +if anyone else feels a lack of anger, please let me know :)",i don’t get angry. can i still be bipolar?,2 +984,Sometimes I feel really down when an “up” ends and I’m depressed once again. I want the cycling to stop but I know my up and down intense emotions will probably always be a part of my life. How do you deal with this?,How do you manage feeling down about the future because of your diagnosis?,2 +985,"lately i’ve been wondering if i have been hypomanic (have been spending *so much* money, mostly on my 16 new hobbies i have picked up for my new life transformation, have lost a lot of weight due to my ✨New Life Transformation✨, and never want to sleep because there’s just…so much to do!!! too much excitement!) +and i just caught myself laying in bed for the last 4 hours thinking about making a youtube channel and becoming fitness guru/lifestyle coach + +🤡 <<<<<< me affff LMAOOOOO",hypomanic?,2 +986,"When I am stressed, I daydream excessively. +Daydreaming at times helps me to navigate difficult emotions and situations and gives me perspective. + +Sometimes I write my daydreams down as a form of release, it’s not always effective when I am doing it excessively - not enough time. + +I am worried I may end up being psychotic again. + +I have been sleeping all day and waking up at 4/5am since Feb 4th. + +I guess what I want to know is if anyone else with bipolar struggles with daydreaming and how they cope with it. + +Started taking Lamotrigine/Lamictal a week ago. + +x",BD and daydreaming,2 +987,"I wanted to cut layers in my hair as I always do, but this time, I messed up big time! I feel so stupid and sad. + +My hair is hip length and a big chunk in the front is not even chin length, it's like a bob with hip length hair at the back, man I loved my hair! Everyone loved my hair and now I feel so embarrassed because everyone is asking me, what happened? I feel so sad, I'm constantly Googling how long does hair take to grow out but it's so uneven, and that bothers me so much! + +That's why I cut it in the first place because it was slightly uneven and it triggered my OCD, do people who have both bipolar and OCD, know what I mean? Sometimes, my OCD triggers a manic episode, and it's so hard to ignore these silly and persistent thoughts. + +Any advice?",Went manic and now my precious hair is ruined,2 +988,"I have been fixated on one thing in particular, rather not mention what it is but just one aspect of my life. I’ve been obsessing and it took me a while to realize I have been having a manic episode filled with fixation and anxiety. Couple years ago I would have never even recognized this as a manic episode and I didn’t during the episode now either but more as it was coming to a close and my brain felt exhausted. Has anyone else experienced fixation as a part of your bipolar? Examples are welcome!",Just got over an obsessive manic episode,2 +989,"I’m not sure what I’ll gain from this but I just need to vent my frustrations. I’ve also not slept all night so I’m more emotional I guess. I’m upset with myself but at the same time not because I expected it. I’ve quit vaping/cigarettes so many times. When I have it has been for long periods and I have been so thankful because I hate how I feel when I’m constantly abusing my body. +However, whenever I get manic and it’s a bit worse than usual I hop right back on it. I tell myself I’ll regret it and it’s just a mental craving yet I still go buy a vape or cigarettes and start the cycle again. I’m sick of it. +Ive come so far in terms of managing this disorder. Yet I can’t seem to get a hold on this.",Nicotine relapse when hypomanic,2 +990,"I recently had to lower my lithium (under doctor supervision) because my lithium level was too high. I started to notice that I felt less numb. I felt butterflies in my stomach and a warm, fuzzy happy for the first time since I was a teenager. It was intoxicating. So I thought to myself, maybe I don’t need my lithium anymore. I never tried stopping it completely after ECT. This was a bad plan… + +For the last few days I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time too. The overwhelming depression, self hatred and urge to harm myself. It was terrifying. And I found I was completely out of practice in suppressing those feelings. + +Back on my lithium… I am the first one to advocate taking your pills so I feel like a hypocrite. I have been reminded that deep in my mind bipolar is still there and still capable of destroying me. It was humbling, terrifying and discouraging all at the same time. Today I mourn the fact that I will never be able to fully feel emotions and will always have to be “sedated” to some degree. I shouldn’t complain because at least I have stability. But that taste of what life is really supposed to feel like and knowing I will never have it has left me in a bad way. I feel ungrateful for the stability I have and greedy for the way I used to feel before getting sick. I feel here is the only place where people will understand what I’m going through. - sincerely a very tired bipolar warrior",I got a stern reminder that being stable doesn’t mean I am cured,2 +991,"I was diagnosed 6 years ago with type 2 bi polar disorder and my God what a fucking battle it has been, from being on various medications at first to being on/off with meds to being stable on meds and now eventually being off my meds. + +Having this disorder is just too indescribable and majority of the people I've come across don't understand it, especially those close to me which is pretty fucked up. The constant questions of ""what's wrong with you"" to ""why are you like this"" +When I try to explain to my family members that I have a disorder they turn around and say ""don't speak that over your life."" Like tf? (They quite religious) + +Half the time I have no reason to feel how I feel and I control my impulses, my moods and my outbursts to seem normal to the world but its soooooo draining to feel like one day you on top of the world and life is great and then the next few days you feel like a piece of shit who doesn't deserve anything good. I guess thats just joys of not being on meds but even being on meds I still had to control it, there was better periods of stability but there was moments of is this shit working? + +The episodes that come whether depressive or manic unfortunately it seems as if my family doesn't believe it and it's all in my head...excuse the pun there but its really fucked up. Having this disorder has messed with my life in ways I couldn't imagine and in the past I didn't know its coz I'm mentally ill, I just thought this is me being normal until I was diagnosed everything made sense as to why I am the way I am. My habits and my patterns my way of thinking. + +I've lost out on so much I've been through so much and the funny part is I have nothing to show for it like it's been a wasted life. People came into my life and left me after they get to know me the rest of my family doesn't get it some of my friends claim they get it but their behavior states otherwise. + +I'm always in a place of I don't know and I keep living in my head and it really fucking sucks coz it feels like I can't find myself or my place in this world and all I can sit here and say is I wish I wasn't bi polar.",Being bi polar and no one understands you,2 +992," + +Dear Journal…well I really don’t know that much about you being dear… that’s clearly a lie as it is the first time I write in this type of journal -though I had been writing quite often on “my phone journal”-. Either way, dear beloved, and most precious electronic journal, I will bless thee with the presence of worded words that word the words I word. Today’s riveting topic…. My day! As I don’t think I have the mental capacity to write about anything else of meaning… or do I? The purpose of this journal thing is to make me a better writer in both English and Spanish, yet if all I put into the white walls is rubbish and nonsense, how am I to become better at throwing electronic ink at immaterial wood-stuff? Perhaps I should find something… as simple as it may be…something I can turn into cohesion. I guess it is as good a time as ever to speak about feelings… my feelings, nonetheless. + +How does anxiety feel? I know we’ve all been there. Any E-scripture on anxiety that you might stumble upon will say as much, but, baring mental health professionals, I don’t think that those of us that enunciate the word “anxiety” with statistical-outlier levels of frequency have the same notion of the concept than those whose usage falls into the mean. What I mean by that, of course, is that those of us afflicted by pathological levels of anxiety feel it in a quantitively and qualitatively different way. I guess that’s why we get diagnosed… catalogued as distinct by the authorities that oversee defining this part of society. We’re a messy bunch. It reflects in all facets of my life. + +I have messy hair, messy eyes, my room is messy my thoughts are scattered (and messy!), I can’t make a decision for the love of myself; the short version: I don’t work. I mean that both literally and figuratively, whatever that means! (think about it! What does the verb “to work” mean in a literal way? Is it having a job? But that’s having a job, we call it work because you do motions in a job, but we call the motions “work”, because “work” is the act of physical exertion right? I don’t know, this is literal garbage that I’m talking right now (talking/writing “garbage” can’t literally be literal (I think I just transferred a calque from Spanish, too long to get into this tangent))). I can’t hold a normal job; I can’t hold my emotions most of the times. Today some guy at the mall forgot my coffee, and I felt like as if I’ve murdered someone. I mean, I’ve never killed anyone -and I hope I never do such a heinous thing-, but you know that feeling you get in your chin, your chest and neck that pushes you down? The one you get when something bad, really bad is about to happen? I was feeling that over a coffee man. I stared the guy directly in the eye, not with the best of intentions. I was literally offended, but I don’t feel that it was in a normal way. How do I know that? Cause I didn’t use to be like that. Emotions, to me, seem to work now like to a BPD patient (perhaps I have BPD traits?). How do emotions work for BPD patients? Simple! Take an emotion X and then square it. A more detailed example: anger(in BPD afflicted individual) = anger\^2. Or perhaps it’s even a cubical function: i.e., anger\^3 (I don’t even remember if cube is exponential 3). Anxiety is writing parenthesis excusing yourself of mistakes in your personal journal entries that no one else will ever fucking read. + +Anxiety is looking at your neighbor and running away inside your home for no reason. Anxiety is feeling gutted for dreaming about the people that made you the happiest you’ve been in ages. Anxiety is snapping at those who love you, because you can’t love yourself and everything has a bitter taste to shit. Anxiety is wanting to die, looking at places where you could hang yourself, feeling relief at the thought of no longer breathing, imagining a knife to the throat, thinking about swerving into traffic, travelling, and not feeling anything, kissing someone you’re deeply into and not feeling anything, doubting everything you do, every single cell in your body being inadequate. Anxiety is knowing at a scientific level that something is wrong, but still suffering through it. Anxiety is abusing drugs, anxiety is depression, anxiety is the antithesis of life, of enjoyment, of love and all that’s good. This is “anxiety”, as this is obviously a corrupted, poisonous version of a feeling that’s supposed to help us survive: i.e., anxiety. “Anxiety” turns a survival tool against those who are trying to survive. + +Do my friends love me? -that’s what I’m stressing about as I type this-.","Something I wrote before I knew I was bipolar. I used to think it was a personality disorder, instead of a mood disorder.",2 +993,I’ve tried making friends in the past but it all didn’t went well because Im bipolar. I pushed everyone away during my depressive episodes and contact them when Im manic just to push them away again when Im depress. I find it really hard to maintain relationships. Any advice?,How to make friends when your Bipolar?,2 +994,"I had my first psychotic mania in June 2022.i was living with toxic roomates and I had my first episode ever. +I went and left the house for a month and a half.spent alot of money on hotels .slept a couple of nights on the street until I was brought back home by the end of July. + +I have been in depression and what I did was so traumatic I feel my brain is stuck on empty or trauma.i feel nothing but some fear and anxiety + +I was an energy healer and a dentist, and I haven't been able to go back to work or even connect spiritualty.i have no goals or direction + +Is it possible to heal or is my life over + +I am 29 now n last year was my first episode",please help me urgentl💗,2 +995,I just got home from an appointment with my psychiatrist and she’s told me that I’ve been improving 😍 She reduced my 3 meds to just Quetiapine and I’m really happy today 🧡,Good news!,2 +996,"I recently had the most intense manic episode of my life and went on a whirlwind of euphoria, rage, etc... I had to miss work several days because I couldn't handle it and my mind was racing constantly. I'm relatively sure it was caused by me taking a few adderall pills (not sure how much or the mg) because that's when everything started. I crashed super hard and I'm so tired now and can't even indulge in my passions. When I was manic, I was able to draw for 12 straight hours and then go to work the next day without even sleeping. I can't even pick up a pencil now and I'm so frustrated with myself. I want to be able to do that again and it's making me want to buy some adderall from a friend of mine but I know that it's not gonna do me any good in the end. I just wish I could do the things I like to do and not feel like shit - I miss being on top of the world. + +I'm probably not gonna do it because I do remember how fucking horrible it was feeling so much all the time like that but god I miss the good parts. Hope anyone can relate to this lol",Urge to trigger mania,2 +997,"bruh. when does bpd and bipolar get better. i’m currently in the er AGAIN. it’s like it never stops and it’s so hard to not lose hope or think that the short term happiness is not worth all the pain that comes w these disorders. ptsd is so so bad rn and i thought i had recovered. makes me feel like no matter what i can always relapse, i’m never actually going to recover. man i can’t handle a 3rd iop shit is 5 times a week 3-4 hours each session. being mentally ill is so exhausting i can’t learn to accept that this is just reality i have to deal with! how do ppl get past that things aren’t fair. i can’t accept things. how am i supposed to? i didn’t deserve this. things don’t happen for a reason, bullshit, it’s all meaningless and all my trauma was for what? to make me a fragile and vulnerable person with 8 disorders. i hate this. advice for recovery after this bc idk how i’ll get better.",psych ward (again) sigh,2 +998,"Hey guys, I’m looking for a new app to use. I’ve been using Habitica which is fun af (makes tasks into a kinda game and you level up your character etc) + +But found this isn’t as helpful, as you can’t track your mood or feelings which is obvs important to us. + +I wonder, is there an app that helps with habits AND mood? I have limited storage and can’t afford a new phone rn, so two apps takes up a lot of room as opposed to one 😌 thanks in advance and look forward to your responses",Free mood tracking/habit apps,2 +999,"I dated a girl 5 months ago for only 5 dates but things got really intense then she left me for someone else. I’m so desperately trying to let it go cuz it be best for both of us, but when I fall for someone it’s not something I can let go as much as I try. I have a full and enriching life, I’ve been really trying to dive into my activities full ass but as soon as I have a second to myself I spiral. + +I keep texting her late at night basically crying to her how much I miss her and how much she meant to me. I’m surprised she hasn’t blocked me or told me to get over it cuz at this point I hate to say it I’m getting to the point I’m obsessive. I don’t stalk her at all, I just think about her all day and I can hardly focus at work. + +I don’t really drink but I’ve been drinking alone at night, I think about relapsing on drugs cuz I just don’t want to feel anymore but fucking fentanyl in my DOC ruins it. + +I have abandonment issues but no amount of meds, progres in life, friends or therapy has helped, only when I date someone I feel whole and I think if someone stuck around I could realize not everyone’s gonna leave me in 2 seconds but I have yet to have any evidence it’s not like that. + +Pls help, I feel pathetic, I’m just hurting so bad. I’ve had some really bad shit happen in my life but I’d endure any of that if somehow that would get her back","How do I stop obsessing over someone, it’s Getting bad",2 +1000,"So I’ve been seeing a new psychiatrist lately because my old one said it’s only bipolar 2, but may or may not be bpd as well but isn’t sure… so I’m seeing a new psychiatrist to get a second opinion and lmao i realised that if it turns out that I don’t have only bipolar but also have bpd, I can finally since the Hanna Montana “I get the besttttt of both worlds “ and truly mean it lol + + +Especially lines like + +“Yeah, when you're famous it can be kinda fun +It's really you, but no one ever discovers” + +“Livin' two lives is a little weird, yeah +But school's cool 'cause nobody knows” + +LOL",A fascinating thought I had when I was high,2 +1001,"This is a bit of a rant but had to get it out. So I always dreamed of being a professional musician as I got older as like a full time thing. I played instruments since I was in grade 4, I was a very talented musician( not saying that in a pretenious way). Music was my life, I was part of jazz music programs inside and out of school , wind orchestras, scored perfectly on all my NYSSMA performances ( New York State Music Association) even skipped a few levels because I was advanced. And part of All County band programs(a hand selection of students to be part of a large bad group that would perform in front of 100's of people). I then moved on to get a scholarship to a music college, I however decided to join the army instead and became a profession musician for them for 8 years, performing for presidential speeches, Veterans day and St.Patrick day parades in NYC, played half time shows at NFL games etc. I used to love just sitting at a piano and letting the music flow through me, sure I wasn't the best in the world, but the raw emotion I put into my music was just a feeling I can't even explain, now it's been over 4 years since I've touched sn instrument and I just feel so empty about it. My living situation makes it difficult to practice playing and I just miss it so much. I just want to make music again and my depression is holding me back and I hate it.... I'm so sorry for rambling I just had to get it out, best of wishes to all of you",Missing my old dreams.,2 +1002,"I have lost so many of my dear possessions (watches, cameras, plants, clothes etc.) during my manic episode one year ago. I find it extremely hard to move forward from this as I am still a student (in Germany) and have very few possessions anyways. Any advice?",Lost possessions during mania,2 +1003,This is Tennacious. He's my first flower of spring and he bloomed on my first day in my new home.,Good Sign,2 +1004,"I don’t know how to get my family to see me for both the good and the bad. I’ve struggled with mental health issues for so many years, and I think so many of my family members just see me as a big failure. +I’m moving into a brand new apartment on May 1 and I’m trying to share this good news with others. I really thought my family would be more excited for me. +Truthfully, I was so depressed and out of control in my current apartment. I’m amazed sometimes that I’m still alive. I don’t know why my family can’t see that, and can’t see the real me. +I have a great therapist and am working on this in therapy, but just wanted to post here looking for a little input and support.",Why doesn’t my family understand?,2 +1005,"So I started taking lithium extended release about 1.5 months ago, I’m currently on 800mg divided into 2 doses per day, as well as 50mg quetiapine. And The thirst I’m experiencing is INSANE. Every time i drink, i chug the water the way someone would after a marathon. I wake up at least once at night to drink, and obv to go to the bathroom. +What i’m more worried about now is that i’m muslim and we just started ramadan, our fasting month, where we have a 14h period of fasting aka no food or water at all. I tried to drink as much water as i could during the feasting period, i also had juice, soup, yogurt, tea… but i just woke up, and I’m thirsty as helll, and we’re 8 hours away from eating. +Is there ANYTHING i could do to make this easier? Or do i just have to live with it? I don’t want to switch to other meds since these are working nicely for me.",Lithium thirst,2 +1006,"Lol so i have no one I know who has bp and i don’t feel like telling them this in risk of them thinking i’m literally insane. + +I just found out symptoms can pop up as early as 6 years old?? In middle school, i was about 12 ish, Id be in gym class and always see these flashes of lights, and then started seeing them elsewhere. I was convinced it was angels trying to talk to me that I was special or smth. I’ve always dismissed it as stupid child shenanigans but it probably wasn’t. I love being able to look back on things i thought we’re normal and find out they’re not.",Childhood BP symptoms,2 +1007,"Although I don't exactly remember drawing it ha, I think I'm gonna try to get back on meds",A more recent one I did,2 +1008,"DAE feel music too deeply? There are some songs that are visceral triggers for me both positively and negatively. + +I stumbled upon JoJo’s ‘Say Love’ recently and I literally sob every time I hear it, so naturally I over play it. + +Just wondering if anyone has this same reaction to music and if so, what are your songs?",Can music be too much?,2 +1009,"Like many of you in this community, I have cripplingly low self esteem partly from the depressive episodes I find myself in most of the time. Stability hasn’t been attainable for me- I’ve only been on meds for a year and haven’t found the right cocktail yet. + +Today, I’m able to give myself a small pat on the back. + +I’ll be sober a year, at the end of this month. + +I’ve abstained from casual sex/promiscuity for 2 years. + +I’m really proud of myself.",Feeling grateful,2 +1010,"How do you raise a child when you are going through a depressive phase and you can't even take care of yourself, much less a 5 year old? My wife left us a year ago, and I haven't even had the time to deal with that shit. My daughter constantly needs me to be there for her but half the time, I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide. I don't get enough sleep and I'm always fearful I'm going to enter into manic mode. I feel like a failure as a dad for having the constant changes in mood that come with bipolar. I take meds now, so I am much more stable than I used to be, but it's not perfect. I'm lucky that my mother lives nearby, and she helps out. I'm just curious if there are any other bipolar parents out there.",Raising a child as a bipolar parent,2 +1011,Can’t tell if I’m just being active and productive or I’m just being straight up hypomania. I’m bipolar 1 and take meds daily. I thought with taking all my meds I’d never feel heightened or lower but I still do feel my moods go up and down even with meds.. but the moods are usually mild. But the past two days I’ve just been very active. Do you all feel the same sometimes?,Woke up 3am the past two days and being very high energy.. is this hypomania?,2 +1012,"So, I started Vraylar a few weeks ago to help with a depressive episode. A few days later I started having traumatic childhood flashbacks, ya know, the ones that make you physically ill. I also started buying a shit ton of scratch offs and spent WAYYYY too much money on them. I stopped taking the Vraylar because I just couldn’t do it anymore (I told my dr I wasn’t going to take it anymore) and it’s now hitting me how freaking careless with my money I’ve been for the last few weeks. I feel ashamed. Embarrassed. I’m disgusted with myself honestly. + +I told my husband about it and he’s being supportive and that makes me want to cry even more because I feel like I don’t deserve it. + +I don’t know how to get rid of these shitty feelings. I’m sick of having to take all this damn medication in order to function in society. I don’t have a bad life, I have an awesome career that I truly enjoy, I have a wonderful family, dogs that love me, friends, a beautiful home and I don’t necessarily hate myself and yet here I am, struggling with myself and this giant ass blanket of shame is slowly swallowing me whole.",Hypomania had me wrapped around its little finger,2 +1013,"I’ve tried three times, sent in all required paperwork and have been denied every time. I have severe depression, severe social and generalized anxiety/slight agoraphobia, bipolar, autism, ptsd and ADHD. I can’t work and it’s ruining my life",Has anyone been able to get on disability due to just your mental illnesses?,2 +1014,"In the past, I usually have taken abilify and lamictal for my bipolar, but because I’m breastfeeding, I am now taking divalproex. I know most side effects of a new medication wear off in a week or so but these side effects are unbearable. I have like every single one except the ones that tell you to immediately seek medical attention. The nausea and feeling like I’m gonna pass out are the worst ones. I just constantly feel sick. I take it at night to reduce these feelings but I still suffer. Any tips on what I can do to minimize these feelings. It didn’t sound like I had many if any other options while breastfeeding so I want this to work but I can’t feel like this.",Divalproex side effects,2 +1015,"Been on this earth for 54 years, diagnosed early, multiple hospital visits, some up to 6 months, my life has been horrible, seen so many deaths, I have died so many times, watched my son die, and in depression I am thinking is it really worth it. Think about the question. What is life? Its mundane and torture. To me its actually hell. So it confuses me why the docs want me to live so bad when its so damn horrible.",BP1,2 +1016,"I've seen so many posts on here about people having issues with long term memory and I was wondering if anyone has found a way to fix/improve this. I literally cannot remember anything and am constantly misplacing timelines and just straight up forgetting events that have happened. I hate it so much and I just want to fix it, I'm tired of everything being so hazy. It feels like it's getting worse too- I went in for a CT scan in December because my memory is so bad that my psychiatrist was concerned that it could be a potential brain tumor. I just want to feel normal again",Memory issues?,2 +1017,"I haven’t felt this way in a very long time and the mere fact that I am even writing here is a strange, it is painful to know what’s happening and what’s coming. Im contemplating if I should take tranqs or call for help. Im so good at sketching right no tho, like so good. I hate this feeling but also not sure how to not feel good right now. Everything is so bright and doable but I hate knowing this will end in a low I will not be able to fathom. +Sorry for rambling, just not sure if I’m making sense.",Starting to feel hypomanic,2 +1018,"How do you handle barking security agents, boarding passes, changing itinerary, foreign languages, rude locals, etc. without losing it? Here's what's worked for me: + +Photograph \*everything\* important - passports, credit cards, boarding passes, luggage, and store the photos in a locked folder on your phone. This helps recovery of lost items, lower your footprint if you get robbed, and it creates backups because you never know. + +Try to research as much ahead of time - Rick Steves advises to book the important stuff, but keep things open ended. I've found, since I'm so easily distracted, to have a few good options at all times that you can do in case things are getting weird. + +Go easy on the coffee - first thing I want to do in an airport or a new city is to have coffee. There's downtime, I'm jetlagged, weary, and already overstimulated, and caffeine I think adds to my disorganization. If I get lost, it makes me look even more like a crackhead asking for directions. It's best to get acclimated then act like a local. + +Assume you will get lost and account for it - my sense of directions are terrible. Without google maps, I would be at the front of Walmart, aged progressed, with a slightly insulting cash reward for whoever finds me. Set up SIM cards, initial itinerary, and a basic plan to get settled after arrival. + +Breathe, dammit! - everything's new, everything's stimulating, but you have responsibilities. Stay present and take.your.meds. Do you really want to be hospitalized overseas? + +OK how about you, gentle bipolar traveler?",Travel Tips?,2 +1019,"I realized that food textures no longer bother me as much like mushrooms. I can eat them without being disgusted. Does psychosis or whatever make food textures weird or is it just something random? + + + +What has been your experience?",Strangest symptoms medicine helps with,2 +1020,I’ve finally been on medicine that works really well like I’ve had no manic modes or depression that I can tell. My only issue right now is that my brain focuses on other things and I want sex all the time. I really don’t know what to do about that. Masturbation seems to not work for me anymore at least not unless it’s in conjunction with my wife. She seems very one and done with sex where I can go longer and more. It doesn’t help that we only have sex or do something sexual once a week or less. So I am just not sure how to fix that or what to do to stop all these sexual needs that it feels like I have a lot.,Bipolar Disorder And Sex,2 +1021,"When you experience mania, are you able to sleep if you want to, or are you unable to sleep? + + +I find I have no problems sleeping when manic, I just don't want to and don't really feel like I need it.",Can you sleep when manic?,2 +1022,"It's been a very rough past couple years and so many things have been affected by what's happened. To be clear I am not suicidal in any capacity. My cat would never forgive me and I do enjoy being alive even when it's chaotic and kinda terrible. + +I have basically been rapid cycling the past 11 months with a few intermittent bigger episodes, dealing with a very fresh PTSD development due to being in an abusive relationship with someone who in a psychotic rage beat a woman so bad he caved in part of her skull. He's in prison now but it doesn't erase the damage done to her or me. + +I had 6 months med access instability, 1.5 years of job instability, housing environment instability, other health problems (ever tried to use your hands when you can't feel 80+ percent of them?) and these god damn hallucinations and crying spells really need to fking stop. + +I've been trying out more meds, different med combos, self-care, coping mechanisms. I've been in therapy and physical therapy and those are helping. I keep my appointments with my specialists and p-doc. I do my job the best I can and try to keep my shit together but I've been barely holding my head above water for such a long time with it all and I feel like I'm about to drown. + +No, correction. I feel like I'm drowning. I've been drowning for a while and I just realized it. + +I'm just trying to survive and it's getting harder and harder to do so. I'm bawling just typing this out. + +I did my taxes today and for the first time in the 13 years of paying taxes I authorized someone else to talk to the irs if necessary. I wrote down my important login information. I've been talking to my dad and my sister about the gist of everything. I know my sister will take care of my cat if I can't, I've already gone over all of Annie's overall care and needs especially regarding her medical care and environmental needs. + +I need a fresh start. There are too many ghosts in this area that haunt me and my dreams. I've had too much loss and trauma to call it home anymore. I want to move up north to the only place I can call home. I want to move into my dad's place and live with one of the few humans I trust. + +I brought it up today and he's thinking about it. I will see what his thoughts are about it later. + +I can't stand how things are anymore and I need to be better. + +In addition to my lithium, lamictal, vyvanse, buspirone, propranolol and gabapentin, I started vraylar last week but it's not working fast enough so I start olanzapine tomorrow. Maybe it will help me. I'm really hoping it will help me because I can't hold it together anymore, not even for my cat. + +I hate and despise my brain with the fury of a thousand bonfires. I wish I could be normal. I wish I was blissfully unaware of how any of this feels. + +I spent most of my 20's learning how to handle bp and to become and stay stable. But apparently my early 30's are having a laugh at what I managed to achieve. + +Edit: my dad said yes. I'll be moving mid-may after a few appointments and finalizing everything. + +I'm going to be paying cash for my meds for a little while until I can get on Medicaid, but that's okay. I'm hoping to fill my meds as soon as my insurance lets me (up to 5 days before the days supply ends) so I can build up extra. Maybe try to get a vacation override or something towards the end. I'm gonna work some extra shifts to build up some money. I gotta get Annie to the the vet for her annual exam and refills of her phenobarbital. And ask the vet if she will authorize an early refill or prescribe a larger volume so there's more of a buffer zone for her (because her seizures are both heartbreaking and terrifying at the same time). + +I have so much to do! I have more hope again. God damn I love my dad. He's always been beyond awesome and supportive, he has been one of my biggest supporters in multiple ways over the years. I legitimately don't know if I would be here typing this if he wasn't who he is. + +I had some happy tears today and I'm like to think they outweighed all the sad and angry ones that I've had lately. + +Edit 2: honestly this post doesn't even mention many of the other things, like the rage I have felt for sometime, a brief hope and desire to date someone. A miscarriage I still mourn and how I never told him that I named her. The depth of complexity and severity of my nerve, skin and gut problems and how much money has been spent on them. Or how I stopped loving my job because I hate the place I work and my coworkers are a pack of wolves who I've tried to hide weaknesses from. Or that i've just been so tired for so many years.","At this point in life I rarely truly worry about the swings and cycles, but my brain has been so unstable lately that I'm am worried.",2 +1023,"i’m not sure where the best place to ask this is. i’m too afraid of bringing it up to my providers so i’m hoping i can seek support here before i mention anything. +i’m diagnosed bipolar type 1, i’ve only had one manic episode that led to psychosis. mostly, i struggle with rapid cycles of mixed mania, hypomania and depression when unmedicated. +the last maybe month or so(?) i guess i’ve had a decreased need for sleep. so much that my psychiatrist noticed it before i did and prescribed medicine for sleep. i’m taking my mood stabilizers regularly but for some reason i just cannot make myself take sleeping medication and these past two weeks i’ve noticed have been pretty worrisome while reflecting on it(change in sex drive and drugs, unlike myself and putting myself in dangerous situations) i’m just really afraid of bringing it up to anybody for fear of judgement. i know how silly it is to have the solution to my problem right in front of me, and i don’t want to make it seem like i don’t care about my mental health. +i am experiencing all symptoms of (hypo?)mania and some mixed features of depression. it was really nice for a few days of this week but just like my first manic episode, the only way i can describe it is like, you’re going so high up on a roller coaster that when you feel it slipping down, it’s scary and drastic and you do everything you can to keep going up just so it doesn’t crash. i feel like im in the beginning stages of that and i really don’t want to do this. the euphoria and attractiveness of mania is incredible, but the constant racing thoughts and heart rate, the irritability and anxiety are uncomfortable and i know im prone to psychosis. +it seems like the easiest solution would be to actually take my prescribed medication, but it is really hard for me. i feel like there’s so much more time i have to get stuff done later in the night and i see it as a waste to go to bed so early especially when i don’t need to. i’m aware of how ridiculous it all sounds but i don’t know what to do to make myself take the medication. i know i have to but i genuinely just do not want to, but unfortunately i know this is probably contributing to mania. +any advice or support would be helpful. thank you all who read","decreased need for sleep, difficulty taking meds:(",2 +1024,"I’ve dealt with depression a lot. I hate it but it’s my normal. I recently went through 5 months of mania where I acted horrible. I did everything except have delusions of grandeur. I ended up being sexually assaulted which I believe shocked me out of it. I could’ve really hurt someone or even gotten myself killed. Now anytime I’m in a good mood I start panicking and crying thinking it’s coming back. That was my first manic episode and I was on a lot of Cymbalta during it. I also wasn’t officially diagnosed until after the fact. Im dealing with aftermath of my bad decisions and will be for at least a couple years because of the debt I racked up. I’ve been depressed all my life. Mania, however, scares me more than anything. I’m fairly certain that’s not the general consensus.",I think the worst thing about being bipolar is the mania (vent?),2 +1025,I just got diagnosed as bipolar this week. I’m not really sure what to think about this and was wondering if you guys could share with me how you guys dealt with it when you got diagnosed. What does this mean moving forward? I just don’t know.,I just got diagnosed as bipolar,2 +1026,"I was diagnosed bipolar 9months ago and still doubt. But after several drastic changes in my emotional state, I tried to track it through app and failed to be consistent. My approximate understanding was 3 months, as a harpies moments, and “life sucks” mode. +2023 I started really bad and wasn’t able to eat, think and shower. I sleep a lot. But January 18 I couldn’t fall asleep, was excited about smt, and thought it’s bcs of my birthday on 19th January. Nothing really happened that day, but I kept waking up 4am excited to do something and everything seemed very simple. I just accepted that I am “Porsche with no breaks” but 18th of march I started feeling terrible. I don’t use any apps or diary. It’s just feelings were so strong, and I couldn’t ignore dates and mood swing. It’s almost a week I feel anxious about nothing and I am really afraid that I am not there where I should be or I am doing smt wrong. That my family hates me. It’s hard to explain, but I take more than 6 valerians pill per day, cuz I can’t deal with ice in my stomach + +Any ideas what it can be?",Can my episodes shift on exact day every 3 months?,2 +1027,"I'm having a very hard time. It's bad enough that people are staring at me in public with concerned looks on their faces. + + +I'm making total strangers uncomfortable just by my presence.",I am not well,2 +1028,"I'm having a hard time right now. So I picked up my acoustic guitar and just made more noise than was in my head. Then I had to just grab a pen and paper. This is what came out... + +Tomorrow's another day +But tonight may never come +So I sit right here and now +And ponder my meaning to this life +Stru g together like a cats in the cradle string +Night has co.e and I'm full of misery +I don't think I'll ever see the sun again +My tool box scattered across the ground in disarray +I'll be leaving this world +Tho it might not be today +But it's time for the pain to fade +Reaching out to the light +From my own darkness that no one can see +What's it matter if I fade from the light +After all it's only me.. + +I don't have any thoughts of self harm right now. I just had so.e shit built up and the guitar and the writing on paper and here has made me feel so much better. If you're reading just know. You have worth. You're more valuable on this plane than you know. Have a happy day and don't forget to be awesome.",Tomorrow's another day,2 +1029,"Why does my brain know when to be depressed/manic? Typically I cycle over the course of a few days at most but my psych increased my lamictal so I stopped getting depressed as often and don't really have mood issues unless I get stressed or take caffeine or something. I've been burning the candle on both ends recently and I have had frequent, and almost constant (but relatively mild) bursts of energy, with only mild dips into normal or depression. But I decided to actually get some sleep for once and now the depressive ends are hitting me really hard and the high ends are just me being normal instead of energetic. Usually I cycle over the course of a day, and I am wondering how my brain can remember that so many manic bursts happened last week. Like, is there some part of the brain that counts all my episodes and tells the other parts to be depressed? I guess I'm looking for a more brain psychology answer, not like an analysis of my behavior or anything.",Why does my brain know when to be depressed/manic?,2 +1030,,What finding the right bipolar meds looked like for me. It took a year once I had the correct diagnosis. I felt like Goldilocks trying to find the right med and dose. Been on the same mix for 4 months now. 🤘,2 +1031,"He has no boundaries. I tried to get a restraining order and felt bad. I’m co-dependent and I put his emotional needs before mine. He is emotionally and physically abusive. He uses my mental illness against me. + +It’s dangerous to cut him off cold turkey because he harasses and stalks me, my family, and friends.",My bf is making me have episodes | TOXIC,2 +1032,"Okay so I was a freshman in college this year, and I made it until about a month ago before I had to withdraw since my mental health was awful (drinking myself to sleep every night, going out alone at 2am, not being able to get up and go to class, stuff like that). I miss my friends so much but I do feel better now that I’m home and don’t have to stress about financial stuff things (i worked as much as I could but got burnt out from doing work and school at the same time as pathetic as that sounds, I just couldn’t afford my meds for a while). + +I don’t know what I’m talking about and I’m sorry but I think I’m manic right now, I’m so tired and took a lot of sleep stuff but it’s not working I feel like I can run a marathon LMAO. I also managed to convince myself again that no one loves me and that I’m an awful person but honestly? I don’t think I’ve really done anything that bad 😭 my mind is just racing and I feel like I’m gonna freak myself out into having a panic attack 😚 + +I’m sorry if this is annoying I feel so annoying",Need support lol,2 +1033,"It feels so fucking stupid how expensive it is to get treatment. I also have to get testing done to figure out pain I’ve been having and was told that the MRI would cost me $200 the appointment is at the end of the month. Just had to reschedule all my follow ups because I can’t afford it. + +I just got charged for my therapy and my vraylar too. I work at a firm but I’m underpaid. I tried to negotiate but was shot down. I’ve been looking for a better paying job but even then, with upcoming medical expenses such a physical therapy, pain medications, plus all the bipolar stuff (vraylar, Psychiatrist and therapist) and bills from a recent surgery, I’m feeling like this paycheck to paycheck type of living is my future again this year. + +I didn’t even have enough money for groceries. I can’t save to move out of my mom’s house. Just all of this is doing my mental health worse. Money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure affords piece of mind. I’m stressed and annoyed at my situation. And I KNOW I’m not the only one.",The price of mental and physical health,2 +1034,"Hey guys. I’m struggling financially atm big time. Last year I had to take over 4 months off and was in hospital for 3 months due to a very severe episode. I’ve returned to work since then but part time, and I can’t seem to catch up on the costs of living with my income. The craziest thing is that I’m a doctor (registrar- speciality training) and I still don’t make enough to live. My partner is supporting me as much as possible but he’s struggling too. I feel so ashamed and defeated. I can’t work more currently as I only just increased my hours and the stress and fatigue is full on right now. I have no parental support or other supports. After graduating med school I finally had financial freedom and was doing well. My relapse last year has cost me more than my health and it’s a real struggle to go back living week to week and paycheck to paycheck- I’ve been poor my entire life apart from when I first graduated. +Is anyone else in the same boat and if so how do you come to terms with it? The situation makes me feel like I’m a failure and I feel really embarrassed. Hope everyone is doing ok and thanks to this sub.",Money troubles,2 +1035,"Thinking about when I was hypomanic, one of the hardest things is that looking back on it, a lot of the stuff I said and did was really funny. I leaned into that a lot at the time and even resorted to full-on clowning and cringe humour cos it’s always been a defence mechanism for me. But underneath I was feeling desperate and really scared because I couldn’t stop talking and didn’t know what was happening to me. I knew I wasn’t in control and I thought if I could only make the people around me laugh it would all be ok. + +Now it’s over, I’ve even turned it into a kind of comedy routine but every time I go through it, I enjoy the funniness but also can’t stop thinking, “God, I was in so much pain.” Can anyone relate?",One thing I find hard,2 +1036, I don't know what to add. I'm job searching and my anxiety is through the roof about this. It sucks cuz it's a great opportunity. Here's some length since apparently the body has to be longer than the title or it gets removed.,"If I listed myself as not disabled while applying for a job at a company, and listed myself as disabled while applying for a different job, will I get in trouble?",2 +1037,"I’ve noticed in moments of high emotional stress I start to become unable to speak, words are flowing through my head and I feel stuck and just can’t get myself to open my mouth to speak, sometimes I am just like that until I’m able to force myself to speak again, but I’ve noticed it’s been getting really bad recently in my current relationship and I’m looking to see if this is a common problem for bipolar or if it’s something else causing it",Do you guys ever get stuck in “quiet mode”,2 +1038,"Sometimes in a rush I will accidentally take my srqual by mistake in the morning… and I’m usually at work, it hits me hard .. I will usually go home but sometimes I will stay. Appearing to be drunk .Takes me all morning to work it through my system until the afternoon , after coffee .. has anyone done this before?",Oops I did it again.,2 +1039,"I was diagnosed when I was 35. I’m 39 now. I have had so many 3 months jobs in the last two years. I get bored very quickly and I feel like the work isn’t challenging enough. I was recently diagnosed as ADHD and am medicated for that as well. It has still not helped. I’ve been with my current job for 6 months. I’m having the same problem. I get paid very well for what is expected of me but there’s so much down time. Hence the boredom. Does this happen to anyone else? And if so, how do you combat this feeling?",Is getting bored with your job a trait of being Bipolar?,2 +1040,"Someone I really care about is tackling bipolar disorder without medication due to the expense of a psychiatrist. He’s finally in a place where he can get one but with a long waitlist in his area it’s difficult. + +It’s so hard to watch. It’s like I’m looking in a mirror and just seeing myself 3 years ago when I was at the height of my illness. The lashing out, volatile nature, hopelessness he feels hurts me horribly because I know from experience there is nothing I can do. He’s either ignoring me or can’t leave me alone, and I don’t blame that on him whatsoever. Every time he hurts my feelings rn I have to remind myself that 3 years ago I was the same way. + +It just sucks so much to watch someone you care about go through something like this knowing there is so little in support you can offer. Him and I are so desperate for him to see a psychiatrist and get stable, and are waiting anxiously for next week when it’s finally happening… but even then I know it takes a while for the meds to help. + +It just hurts so badly to see someone go through that and knowing exactly the type of pain and anger they are feeling and the helplessness of it.",I’m bipolar type 1 but getting a real wake up call on why I should stay on my meds bc of someone I care about.,2 +1041,"I literally can not stay inside for longer than half a day before I feel like my mind is closing on me. + +20 years ago I isolatedyself in small room for two months literally driving myself nuts physically in my head. It wasn't thoughts more about feelings in different parts of brain. + +It use to go away as soon as I went outside but now it's been getting worse where I have to stay outside rest of day and comes on too fast. Clonazepam helps but I haven't taken it in two years.",Does anyone get bad cabin fever?,2 +1042,"So it's been years like 15+ years since I've had a depression that was not a mixed episode. I'd been pretty stable tye past 3 years, but my migraines at least that's what my doctor thinks they wre (had them for years) have been getting worse. Last year I wound up in the ER with one so bad that I went from moving under my own steam to get in the door (with the worst pain in my life, made running over my foot with a one story tall steel gate feel like kiddy play) to needing help into a wheel chair cause I couldn't even stand. + +I've had 3 rounds of blood work all normal a CT scan and MRI normal. Now an oximetry test Tuesday night. (Waiting on doctor to interpret the results) and an appointment with a neurologist august 9th (soonest they had) and required taking a personal day off work cause it won't fit well in my work day. + +They've never actually gone away. Even on days I don't record as having one I low-key always have pain, just it's at a threshold tolerable enough I can for tye most part ignore it. But most days of the week I've got headache and/or the front of my ""brain"" feels like it's being prickled with pins and needles (not in pain those, thats reserved for my temples and the icepicks behind my eyes) it makes my brain mush, and makes me feel physically weak. But every appointment I have because of that they test for a stroke but I come out normal/no stroke. And my mind is mush it can't think it's way out of a wet paper bag full of holes, heck it will even struggle for forum words. + +I just feel so hopeless and empty and broken. Like a pathetic, worthless loser and failure at everything,. That I'm not worth shit. And between tye two I'm always exhausted and don't have the energy or will to do things and even when I force myself I feel like I'm shit at it. But I'm also super irritable and pissy and angry alot. So much of the time I could scream and shout but cry and beat myself in the head at the same time. I struggling very hard to use my logic and tools to get out from under all this.","Slipping Into A ""Classic"" Depression Very Weird For Me.",2 +1043,"So, last year after an attempt I was diagnosed in hospital with bipolar disorder. I have been prescribed all the meds and have had continuous appointments with my GP to try and get everything settled and find a good prescription that fits what I need. + +2 months ago after having a month long manic episode, I went back to my GP in the hopes that we can really dial down into what I need. Skip forward to today and I have a phone appointment with a psych from my area (we only have like 7 in my province). After asking me approximately 10 questions he determined that I don’t have bipolar at all, but major depressive disorder and PTSD…. + +Would you go for a 3rd opinion at this point? I have had clear textbook manic episodes all throughout my life and this psych didn’t think I met the requirements to be diagnosed with bipolar, so he doesn’t believe I should be treated as such and has prescribed 200mg of Zoloft. This concerns me as I know antidepressants can lead to manic episodes. I would love your advice. ❤️",The most frustrating appointment,2 +1044," + +Hi, currently I am not diagnosed, I hope it does not bother anyone, but bipolar type 2 is being suspected by my psychiatrist. And I had some doubts (I'm not asking for diagnosis) because lately I have been going through dark days, but today something extremely strange happened to me that I do not know how to name or explain to my psychiatrist. If anyone has felt this way, I would appreciate it if you could tell me about your experience please. + +I was talking with a friend about my emotions, and I remember that from one moment to the next I got caught up in a specific thought (like a delusion). And then it was like I had emotionally exploded, I felt out of myself, I started sobbing very loudly, my breathing was heavy, I couldn't control or stop myself. But it wasn't like the moment or the conversation led me to it because of the intensity, it just happened. I was hugging myself, I couldn't stand him touching me. I felt like I was getting small. I really have no idea how to explain it, but what was most impressive to me was how spontaneous it was and that feeling of not being in control of my own body. After that i felt numb and confused.",I dont know what happened to me,2 +1045,"I've been to a couple of interviews and I think the interviewers just see into my soul. I want to have a job, but I can't find one. I'm too eccentric and probably I don't even care if I work or not. I feel like they see it whenever we make eye contact. They see that I would be a bad employee. + +I don't care about anything at all at this point.",Job hunting,2 +1046,"TW: Depression, nihilism, addiction, etc. + +Hi all, I’m really sorry if this post triggers anybody, please don’t read if you’re prone to being triggered by content relating to depression/despair. + +With that in mind, how the fuck am I supposed to be excited about living the rest of my life? I’m only 23 years old, and I’m so goddamn tired. The older I get, the more acutely aware I get of just how wrong my brain is. I try so hard, and it can’t be fixed? As we all know. I’m on medication, but in a few months I’ll be off my moms insurance and I CANNOT afford private insurance. I know everyone says we NEED to be on meds, and I agree. I need to be on meds. But staring down the barrel right now, I know I cannot and will not be able to just a while from now. And I hate this fucking disorder so much, because all it does is lie to you. I can’t trust my happiness or my sadness or my apathy. I am genuinely so exhausted of managing these feelings, and it gets worse every year as I get more and more compounded “adult” stress. How am I supposed to want to go on like this? And no I am not at risk of ending my life, I have too much guilt and shame to think of doing that to my family, but that just compounds the pain of existing for no reason beyond obligation. How do you all do it? Why do you all do it? Literally any input or advise or comment is appreciated to help me feel maybe just a little less alone, sorry for being so whiny.",How am I supposed to look forward in life?,2 +1047,"I've been taking Lamictal for three years now. From the beginning it has been apparent that I am allergic to it. A very strange kind of reaction, my hands start to burn (inside my skin, if you touch my hands they are normal temperature), and then they start to itch. They burn and itch so much I end up putting them under water constantly. + +I started taking some antihistamines with it and I've been ok for three years. This med has changed my life, like entirely. It made me stable, able to hold a job, and so much more. I can't live without it. + +But recently, my hands started to itch again. Slowly. I take my antihistamine in the evening, I'm fine all day long the following day, and then in the evening it starts to itch again. My overall skin as well. + +I'm worried I will have to stop taking my Lamictal. It has been wonderful. No side effects whatsoever. If I stop taking it, I won't take any other medication because I don't want to gain weight, or hurt my kidneys. + +Have any of you gone through something similar? With allergies? I talked to a pharmacist when I started doing this and they told me I couldn't become resistant to antihistamines. I'm starting to doubt this...",Allergic to Lamictal,2 +1048,"Trigger warning so much sad shit mention of suicide + + + + + + + + + + +This last two ish years have been the worst of my life starting may 2021 my father committed suicide followed by two weeks later my 21 year old cousin, this is the third family suicide. Flash forward to May 2022 I drove myself to the hospital fearing Id be alone and unable to be safe on the anniversary of his death. This is the occasion where I actually learned im bipolar and have been on the wrong meds for 12 years. Im a 34(f), I have lots of beautiful things about my life, a husband a dog a ridiculous garden. But man I dont know how to not feel completely daunted looking both forward and back and having one really solid year of stability in my brain with various other degrees of stability but lots of struggle just to float. How do I not just feel angry and scared that I have to live in this body in this brain with this trauma for the rest of it?",The Daunting Task of Living,2 +1049,"I've been needing to get my oil changed for the past 1,000 miles and my headlight has been out for at least a month + +Today I finally got my oil changed, my headlights replaced, and even changed my car air filters! + +I think I'll even get my tabs renewed!",Proud of myself! Being responsible and getting stuff done!,2 +1050,"I'm not throwing a pity party here I just genuinely want to know if other people have done this too. I have spent so much money over the years racked up a lot of debt. I've only been stable for the past month or so thankfully to lithium, but my monthly expenses are nearly equal to my income. I can no longer afford my home that my family currently resides in. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I ever let my spending get so bad, but I guess that's where being on no medication can hurt you. I submitted a loss mitigation application to my mortgage company and got a letter from my psychiatrist stating that I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1. Is anyone else in the same boat or have been here before?",I'm at risk of losing my home,2 +1051,"I’m assuming this is fairly normal with BP but I’m so sick of dark obsessive, ruminating thought patterns even during relative stability. It seems like every week it’s something else; death/dying of loved ones, someone being hurt, losing my partner and awful thoughts of not being good enough to be loved. I feel like BP is such a hindrance to me enjoying life fully, it’s like a new obsession every week and I’m so sick of it.",Dark obsessive thoughts,2 +1052,"I know! + +I see it, + +My life is propelled, + +A mandate from heaven, + +Audience anticipates it, + +They clap until it sounds like thunder, + +Grasping their bellies until they roll out of their chairs, + +“He’s doing it again! Another meltdown.” + +Born and grew with a face of a child, + +“You’re so cute!” + +Seems peculiar but I sure found something for my phenotype, + +They pay for my dinners, + +They buy me flowers, + +Made me feel secure when I was not stable, + +I like to be treated, + +Like to be shown you care, + +Then I feel intolerable, + +And have been called things for a previous lifestyle, + +Maybe I am what I am told I am, + +What brings admiration and material turns to my curse, + +For when I fall apart and turn to a spectacle… + +It is something to merely laugh at, + +Frustration and cries for help get treated as hysterical, + +Suicidal ideation and attempts get treated as mere pouts, + +Nothing that serious, + +Even more certain I have no right to myself.",Anticipated,2 +1053,,Made a miniature japanese tea garden while experiencing cyclothymic highs and lows. Thoughts? 😊🌸,2 +1054,Asking to be hopeful because I'm sure I'm going through mania right now and I was only out of depression for like 2 weeks before this hit. I really hope there's a chance I won't flip back there. I'm still trying to get my habits back in place that I fell out of and really can't afford to be screwed with depression for another 6+ weeks.,Does your mania/hypomania ALWAYS end with depression after? Or has there been times where it hasn't for you?,2 +1055,,When everything in life kinda sucks but you're good at making fried chicken,2 +1056,"Bipolar 1. Been diagnosed for 20 years. Treatment resistant depression and anxiety, with migraines. + +I have no quality of life. The world/people/TV/movies drive me crazy, give me migraines. Severe depression and severe anxiety. Nothing works. I’m like a freakazoid. Miserable day in day out. Trapped like I’m shackled in a dungeon. Isolated. And I can’t break out. + +I’ve tried everything. Meds. ECT. TMS. Ketamine. Talk therapy. + +ECT was effective, but the effects only lasted for 2 weeks at a time. My doc made me stop after around 30 ECTs for fear of long term side effects (memory/cognitive issues). But I have memory/cognitive issues from my depression. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. + +I have suicidal ideation. I feel trapped.",Tired of being sick,2 +1057,"Then of course there’s the shame spiral which leads to drinking which leads to binging and purging which is expensive and I won’t have money because I didn’t go to work. Someone stop this ride I want to get off. + + +How do you make yourself go to work?",I can’t make myself go to work,2 +1058,,posted one of these last month. i was definitely right about me thriving /j,2 +1059,"I'm not always sad during my low phases, but during them, I often have middling energy and take numerous naps, which almost border on narcolepsy. Recently, I've been reorganizing my house, but I feel held back because I have errands to run in town and feel too tired to do so. This is compounded by my being proactive into March until I had two breakdowns weeks ago, and sleeping off my problems might be a possible coping method. + +Much of this has had me recall my first year of high school, where I was deeply depressed and often slept during and after school, whereas I was highly energetic and consistently worked in my junior and senior years. + +Does anyone else here have similar experiences? ",How do you manage being tired during depressive episodes?,2 +1060,"I can't tell if it's placebo or not but I already feel slightly more productive. Finally got around to renewing my library card, I've been meaning to for the past 3-5 weeks but got discouraged when I had called on a day they were closed and didn't feel like doing it even when I knew they were open. I'm also playing more of my video games, even though it was only 2 games, it's still a huge step for me. I'm excited to see my hobbies come back. Hopefully I'll finally go outside on a walk on my own eventually, it's been a few years + +I'm also taking Lithium, which used to work for my depression. I've pretty much been taking only Lithium for the past 5 years and never thought I'd see the day I add another pill. I'm glad I wasn't scared about taking something new either",I started Wellbutrin yesterday,2 +1061,"So I shared in my first post here that my Dr put me on Latuda to help control my Bpd symptoms. I went 3 days with it, nothing major had the Hypersalivation that's listed and some good sleep (finally). + +Then my body seemed to betray itself, violently getting sick to the point of dehydration and muscle cramps that took surgical grade narcotics to calm my body down from. + +Turns out I am 1:150 that have a sensitivity to one of the ingredients in the medicine. I have now been switched to Vraylar, tonight is day 1. Hopefully it helps silence the million voices in my head and let's me sleep and keeps me from having any violent side effects. + +Sorry if I'm just rambling on, Ive noticed this is one of the safer places to talk about these things without judgement or being approached by the ""Internet Dr.s"".",Wrong medicine,2 +1062,"lamotrigine started giving me a rash & now i have to go to the ER during finals week & yea. lamotrigine helped me get out of bed but that’s it. i’m still depressed but enough to do anything about it, bad or good. i’m just here. im probably better off not on my meds so im flushing everything",getting off my meds,2 +1063,I was recently switched from Latuda (which was free with my insurance) I was switched to lurasidone for some reason and it’s 100.00. There’s no way I can actually afford this and I’m doing so well it’s just so upsetting I don’t know what to do.,Can hardly afford medication,2 +1064,"Taking a day off work for the second week in a row. I am not over on sick days or anything but I still feel like my manager is going to start asking questions. + +White collar field. I think my depression stems from the fact I got passed up for a promotion I was promised last week. Have lost all motivation to work for this firm. + +I can feel myself slipping into a depressive episode. Sigh. I hate navigating the professional world.",Too depressed to go to work…,2 +1065,I randomly get this overwhelming feeling of deep disgust when I get reminded I have a functioning body full of organs and tissue etc and I get this urge to just rip out everything I’ve come close to it once but I’m usually around people since I lack any privacy anywhere which I’m not complaining to a extent but I had this same breakdown in front of my new bf and couldn’t stop crying I tried to explain the fear and disgust but he was super freaked out and couldn’t understand I don’t understand it myself I just recently signed up for therapy again since I’ve noticed more frequent episodes but therapy doesn’t give me answers why I feel this way and I I’m constantly asking myself questions and it causes migraines frequently my brain is so fried at this point I feel like it’s just lying to me constantly,Bipolar depression got off meds 3 years ago,2 +1066,I get shaky due to nerves and ptsd from time to time but I’ve started to notice after my visit to my therapist office that I’m extremely shaky even though I feel fine. Anyone else experience this?,"Anyone here get the shakes before, during and after visits to therapist?",2 +1067,"I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in December after my first major manic episode that ended in hospitalization. Since then I have been taking my medication (Hydroxyzine and Abilify), up until about a month ago. I don’t like the sedated feeling medication gives me and I feel abilify takes away the flare of my personality. I have been stable up until this week and I feel a depressive episode coming, it’s a extremely unique feeling that is so recognizable to me. I am losing all motivation and joy in my life. Is there anything I can do to prepare for this and any advice on what I can do to do the least damage to my life as possible.",I can feel a depressive episode coming,2 +1068,"I know many of us question our diagnosis but it’s more difficult when you’ve had a manic episode with delusions. +But sometimes i can still talk myself into believing the diagnosis isn’t real and that those weren’t delusions. +I thought it was a spiritual awakening when it was happening and that I was one with god and had to save humanity. Anyway- DAE who’s had mania with delusions sometimes doubt their diagnosis?",Bipolar 1 type mania,2 +1069,"I've asked a question to you guys in the past regarding the end goal of being medicated. I'm on 1200mg of lithium carbonate, 250mg Divalproex and 150mg Bupropion HCL XL every other day. I've noticed a good improvement on this cocktail, most recently upped the dose of lithium to 1200mg and I felt like I was doing better, but it's been 3 months and I've had 2 episodes since the increase....These episodes are usual at this time of year so it didn't cause them, but they're still there, a bit more manageable and definitely not ruining my life like before, but I do not feel like a normal functioning human being. I'm still experiencing mania, but I'm able to stop myself from spending excess money and I am able to notice the energy I'm expending so I can force myself to relax here and there so I'm not deprived. I still sleep less, but enough to function so that's good. I can't stop myself from picking up my phone and googling everything on the planet that comes to mind...I feel like I have ADD or something, literally no focus at all which is not good for work. I still have significant periods of anxiety and stress about nothing and I'm finding this hard to manage, and the depression is still there, but my body no longer feels like cement, although I'm usually tired even after sleeping 10-14hrs. I can still force myself to get up and do stuff like clean, shower, etc. But I'm extremely miserable about it and everything else that doesn't involve sleeping., I don't cry omw to work, during work and while showering anymore, I don't have ""those scary thoughts"" anymore and I can keep a gym schedule although during my depressive periods the amount of gym sessions I get in are significantly less. +Is this it or should I keep trying to find a better state to be in? I mean I can live with it, but it sucks to go through this rollercoaster of emotions and energy expending and depleting, even if it's just a mid-sized one. I cancel a lot of plans on friends often because the way I feel when making them is not how I feel when the date arrives, I still have these insane urges to make plans with people and go out and socialize, shop, google search like mad and try new stuff, I still sleep less and more depending on what stage I'm in, I still overstress over everything and panic, I still feel drained and prefer to be alone and do nothing for a month or so straight. +I should add that before increasing the lithium, my Dr suggested lamictal, but the potential deadly rash side effect and the interaction with birth control pills terrified me so I decided to go with the lithium increase.",Do I keep looking for a medication that works or is this as good as it gets?,2 +1070,"I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m not a good fit for my field of study. It’s deliriously stressful and triggers episodes without fail. I’ve always been ambitious and driven to succeed but while job hunting I‘m realizing that I want and need to go at a slower pace. My memory ain’t what it used to be, and the cognition ain’t the same. My job came home with me; I went to bed and woke up with it, on top of having a family. I haven’t worked in nearly a year and half due to burnout. + +Anyone else experience being happier with…less? I think I’d be happy stocking shelves at this point.",I have a Master’s degree and I just want to stock shelves,2 +1071,"My back hurts. Cogent is a funny word. I'm against things being complicated. + +15 minutes left. This game is for the young. + +12 minutes. What actually does this accomplish? + +10 minutes. I wrote a line, go me! + +2.5 minutes left. I'm hitting post.",I'm struggling on the edge of an episode and rambling here to stay cogent while I wait for a timer to finish.,2 +1072,"Mine in 2022 - bought a house in February/ same month husband got into motorcycle accident and broke his leg, had to handle the logistics of the move myself - while working part time. Moved into new house, son had a seizure shortly after. Decided to get a new job while husband attended physical therapy, then found out husband was switched to nights. I then switched my job again to accommodate his hours, didn’t see each other often and I wasn’t going to bed until 12 am when I got off work at 11:30pm. + +July-December I was out of my mind. Hospitalized at end of November.",What life stressors threw y’all into a recent episode?,2 +1073,Anyone prescribed kpins daily long term for anxiety with bipolar? I’m not super convinced psychs like to prescribe benzos long term for daily use but I’m taking it along w lamictal and Seroquel rn and the klonapin is really helping slow my mind and help me function. I’m afraid my psych won’t let me be on it long term even if it’s working. Just wondering your experience??,Klonapin?,2 +1074,"I’ve been “diagnosed” bipolar 1 for 3 years now, I’m 31. I put diagnosed in quotes because I had to come to the conclusion to my therapist and doctor and they just put me on antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. My aunt had bipolar 1 and is on disability. I just can’t accept it though, sometimes I get upset and have really bad days and sometimes I make a shit ton of art, I feel great, I’m cleaning like a mother fucker and I feel untouchable for a few days, when in a good mood I don’t have trouble sleeping but I can run off of 4 hours of sleep no prob. I know I crash though, I fall deep into depression and contemplate doing the worst. I’m off medications and I’ve been through 4 therapists because I end up hating them, I’ve been through 2 case managers because the first one was an idiot and wanted me to fill out paper work with her at a library which made me uncomfortable as hell. My second case manager (I’m on SMI) -Serious mental illness- under being approved by the state as such. So my second case manager didn’t get back to me for two weeks so I’m a rage I’m in the process of changing facilities to get services from, I have no friends. Absolutely none, I constantly fight with my boyfriend, he calls me a psychopath because I don’t feel empathy. I’m starting to think that there isn’t really any hope to get better for me. To be on medication for the rest of my life? On antipsychotics that make me fatso and feel like I’m passing out? Yay, sounds like a life worth living for sure. Lol. Therapy isn’t working, my last therapist tried to report me for being suicidal. And she never wanted to talk about my trauma, she instead would talk about herself and her wife. Ma’am I don’t care about you or your life. I’m the problem and people don’t want to deal with you when they find out your bipolar, that’s what I’ve learned. I can’t accept that I’m bipolar, something non my brain tells me I’m just broken from abuse. I don’t know anymore. I’m sober for 3 years and life is worse.",I can’t accept it,2 +1075,"Hey! Thanks for taking the time on my post. Does anyone here have life insurance? I recently started looking and everything I have found asks specifically if you have ever been diagnosed bipolar. I’m doing some internet research right now but if anyone knows anything please let me know. +Thanks",Life insurance policy/with bipolar diagnosis,2 +1076,"God I hate this feeling. I woke up after just a few hours of sleep, cleaned my bathroom and kitchen, did laundry, vacuumed and did a lil’ workout. I felt so energized and full of electricity, but then everything just crashed and now I’m just laying in bed, feeling all depressed and anxious. I started taking my meds again (ran out of them and was raw dogging life for about a month) so I shouldn’t feel this way, right? I have to leave for work in an hour and just can’t get up",Finally had the energy to do something and then I crashed,2 +1077,,"After weeks and weeks, the lack of motivation finally lifted today :)",2 +1078,"so i’ve been on lamictal for like 15 years on and off, it’s been the only med that’s actually worked for me. but something i’ve noticed that i’ve never really discussed with anyone because it’s never actually been a serious problem is the insane dreams it causes me to have. i know for a fact it’s the lamictal because all the times i’ve gone off it, the dreams stop. when i go back on it they start up again. they are SO vivid, i always remember every detail. none of them make sense or have any deeper meaning. sometimes they’re just weird but other times they’re scary, which is fine because i know it’s just a dream but it does rattle me. anyway just curious if this is a common thing? anyone else have weird ass lamictal dreams???",lamictal dreams,2 +1079,"Hi, I think 3 months ago I came here to ask you what being stable was like and if what I was feeling could actually be tagged as such. Only one person answered, but he was saying exactly what I was ""feeling"". + +Now I'm here, I've been drowning in anxiety, the meds I used only for emergency are now fixed. With a double dose. And I'm like????? What is going on? + +Yes. I got better, Depakene really did wonders, but I don't know how to deal with this under my skin crawling feeling that there is a storm inside that I can't let out because it's blocked. My mom said I'm a healthy woman, why do I even need therapy for? When I'm like this, seriously? + +Is this just anxiety? Am I into a hypomanic episode and don't know because I'm supposed to be stable? + +I have no clue. I'm tired. I fought for years to find meds who'd shut bipolar up and now that I have it does not look any easier. + +Sorry for the rant. I'm just tired.",Is stability supposed to be difficult?,2 +1080,"Hey all. The last few days have been really rough so I’m chalking all of this up to just exhausted bipolar brain in overdrive, but I need some advice/help here. For the last few months I’ve been seeing “222” pop up EVERYWHERE. Busses, signs, takeout orders, etc. I’d been telling myself that it was just regular old pattern recognition, up until the last few days. Yesterday, on 3/22/23, my mother passed at 2:22am. Obviously this has just sent me in to a massive spiral of “it was a sign”, and I was hoping others who have experienced similar phenomena/thinking has any advice or insight on what this might “mean” or what I can do to get through this. Any and all advice is welcome and appreciated.",Reading too much in to “signs”?,2 +1081,"After being hospitalized for a Mixed Episode in 2020, I felt like a blank slate. I had gotten so dysfunctional to the point that I gave up on writing and drawing. I'm still learning who I am, but for the first time in my life, I want to be alive.",I've started drawing again for the first time in 5 years. I just wanted to share!,2 +1082," I'm going apologize ahead for punctuation but I will try. I am 43 M luckily been married to a wonderfully patient woman for 20 years, my entire life I have messed everything up including a military career and thought it was just who I am. I have been in and out of hospitals and thought everyone else was crazy, I have been diagnosed and accept that I am bipolar but I don't want it to define me its hard when I hear people around me say ""that explains so much"". How do I keep from Bipolar becoming who I am.",How to keep from being defined by being bipolar,2 +1083,"I don't know why Im like this, I love my partner more than anything and i can't think rationally, i can't communicate well, I;m so scared that they're plotting against me or they're going to get tired of my episodes and break up with me, or find me just so, so unbearable. I can't even ask for help from them because how am I meant to say this in a way that will show them that I love them and I'm not accusing them, and I'm not crazy and I just want to have control over myself and my emotions and my thoughts. I just want to feel happy, I want to stop making everyone miserable, I want to be in on the joke that everyone else around me is in on. I feel so scared and angry and confused",i just want to be happy and I want to make my partner happy,2 +1084,"Sorry if this has already been talked about a lot, but I just realized that this is why I don't like making plans too far out into the future. + +One of my friends recently asked me if I wanted to go to a concert in August. I love the musician, and I'm sure I'd enjoy the show. But my initial honest reaction was ""I don't even know who I'll be by then."" I didn't say that out loud, but it was a clarifying moment. Does anyone else have this issue? (Probably.) + +An added unwanted effect is that this makes me come across as flaky, disorganized, or unreliable -- and I'm not saying I'm definitively NOT those things. Bums me out, though. I can use a calendar app, I swear. I just do not know how I'll be feeling a month from now. And a bunch of my friends are very ""type A,"" so it sort of compounds the issue because they love having full calendars and planning hangs weeks in advance. (Dorks.) + +Anyway, I think I'll buy tickets to this thing even if I don't end up being able to go. It's just annoying I have to incorporate this into my decision-making. I can barely RSVP to weddings with any degree of confidence. That's all. Thanks. + +*Edit: Thanks for the comments, everyone. Helped me feel less alone about it.",I don't like making plans because I don't trust my future self's mental state,2 +1085,"First, thank you for reading my rant, even if you don't make it to the end... + +Life advice please... + +30f, relationship with 31m, anf we have a 9mo son. + +We lost the home we were renting back in Dec, due to mold. We've been back and forth between the in-laws since. I'm in school and he is looking for work, but also is waiting for his Bar exam results. + +I can't stand living with other people. I'm currently dealing with my mental health (Bipolar and ADHD) and it's hard to function at times. The other day I was overwhelmed by my MIL who wanted us to bring the baby over to meet some family last minute. That ended with me yelling at her when she came to the car wanting to take my son out because he was crying. I told her to worry about her children, not mine. + +This morning at 6am, I woke up to find my partner in his parents room talking. When he came back he stated ""It's me & you"" over and over. Later, he explained how no one will understand me or my Bipolar and how much weight I carry and how hard it can get for me on a daily basis. He didn't go into full details of the convo because I'm an overthinker, but him stating his parents asking if I'm in therapy or taking medications, made it obvious. That's when my partner got upset because he saw how I consistently have to deal with our families not understanding. As I told him, not many ever will. + +I hate living with the in-laws. I love them, but I don't do well with the MIL always home. Having someone consistently there and always watching what's being done with my son, being there to greet him all the time, or making opinions like ""he's hungry, he wants milk, look at this, look at that"" etc has really been getting on my nerves. To the point that now I can't stand her voice or go into a negative mood when I know she's going to be around. + +My partner and I both feel uncomfortable staying at each others parents. Financially we are unstable at the moment and were trying to figure out what our next move is... + +When my son was born, the first two weeks, we got covid. Then, after 6 months of living alone, we lose our home to mold. During Christmas, I went through a perfect storm of depression with losing the house and overwhelmed by everyone wanting to meet my son. I feel like his first year was one of the hardrst for me and I want to be able to enjoy these 3 months before he turns a year, but it's been so hard... + +SO! + +Any advice? Any recommendations on work from home? Any knowledge regarding starting a dropshipping business to earn an income? + +I need to do something because I can't keep living thi way. This is the most I've thought about suicide and that's not fair to me or my son! I'm looking for any avenue to be able to provide for my son. I miss having our own home and I miss alone time with my boys and I miss being content and feeling some happiness... HELP!",Life has left me hopeless.,2 +1086,"So... I usually don't post anything on Reddit, but here we go. + +About eight months ago, I was diagnosed with BP2. I've struggled with mental health issues all my life (anxiety, depression) and developed PTSD at a pretty young age. After a few years of fluctuating emotions I went to see a psychologist, and I got my diagnosis. I was also diagnosed with asperger's syndrome back in 2019. + +I've been on a mood stabilizer (lamictal) since I was diagnosed, and it's made things easier for me, but exam season (last year of high school) is coming up and I lowkey feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm experiencing mixed moods every other week, I can't really sleep anymore, and every day I'm torn between ignoring everyone around me, freaking out, or acting friendly, because I know I shouldn't take my own mental illness out on anyone. I'm either tired, stressed, occasionally productive, or filled with a kind of self-loathing and sadness that I can't even begin to describe. I'm worried I'll be thrown straight into a depressive episode soon, because stress is my biggest trigger. Very few people (two of my friends and my immediate family) know that I'm bipolar, and I don't even want to tell **them** about how I feel right now. I think a lot of people on here can relate to that crushing feeling that you're a burden to your loved ones, even when they tell you you're not. I considered the possibility that things might get better if I told someone, but I just don't have the energy, and I don't want to let people in because I'm ashamed that I'm losing control. Explaining how I feel to someone is difficult (asperger's, yay) and there aren't many people I trust with my emotions. The people I trust are the ones I don't want to burden. + +I wanted to ask, does it get any easier? Not to board the self-pity train or anything, but I'm not even 20, and thinking about the future terrifies me. I don't want to fall apart and fake that I'm okay every time a problem arises. I don't want to isolate myself because I'm scared of affecting people. I don't want to experience all these episodes over and over again. I just... don't know what to do right now. + +Also, if anyone has any advice on how to keep going and staying productive, I'd really appreciate it. <3",Are things going to get any better?,2 +1087,"I took y'all's advice, started taking my meds, quit cocaine. In a much better head space. 3 weeks clean. Thank you. I knew what to do but needed to be told to do it. +Edit: I also got a job!",Clean and taking my meds.,2 +1088,Does anyone else experience these in spurts? I’ve seen research that says it could be a manic episode coming on. I haven’t remembered my dreams in a while but i’ve had a bad one every night the past four days. They always happen right before I wake up.,So many nightmares.,2 +1089,"I know I've had at least one episode of what was probably psychosis because I was diagnosed with stress induced psychosis when it was happening. I don't know if that one was bipolar related or not, and I wasn't treated with anything at the time because I was still quite young and the psychiatrist didn't want to intervene with medication. + +However, I've had other symptoms since during what were probably undiagnosed manic or mixed episodes where I've started to believe things that were, retrospectively, pretty weird. Occasionally these beliefs also pop up when I'm very, very depressed. Sometimes I believe these things 100% unquestioningly, and other times I know they don't make sense but worry about them excessively anyway. Sometimes it fluctuates between the two. + +A common one for me is worrying that other people can hear my thoughts, especially if I look at them directly. I also get concerns about people working against me or talking about me behind my back to try to ruin my life. + +Another time I became convinced my childhood home was haunted and that a demon had followed me from there into my daily life. I kept seeing a figure in my room at night and I worried about speaking about him out loud in case he came for me. I still worry about this sometimes, and tbf I'm pretty sure that house really was haunted. My childhood friends and I talk about the weird slightly paranormal stuff that happened there so I'm not alone with that, but my sudden obsession with it was abnormal. + +I told a different psychiatrist about those two a while back and he said it was probably due to a combination of autism and trauma, and that it would likely go away with more EMDR. Since they kind of just left as my mood changed, he was satisfied that his therapy had worked. + +I had another one where I decided I was actually naturally nocturnal and that other people were interfering with that to purposefully make me sick and stop my plans. I completely flipped my sleep schedule for several weeks (although admittedly I wasn't sleeping very much anyway), and then fought with all my family and friends about it. + +At one point I also became very worried that other dog walkers were all talking about me on Facebook and were plotting to take my dog away. + +Another time I was certain I was dying of some horrible illness and all the medical professionals I saw weren't treating me on purpose because they wanted me to die. (I really was sick though, but the level of paranoia was weird). + +I was still somewhat functional while all of these were happening, and I wasn't hearing voices or anything for the most part. So does it really count as anything serious? Because it didn't seem that bad to me, and my family just kind of ignored it since they'd been told that the episodes were stress related and it was best not to engage. I've never told a psychiatrist about all of the thoughts because I didn't view them as relevant; until recently, I just thought they were a part of life and it was something I did when I got stressed. + +TLDR; at what point does it cross the line into actual psychosis vs ""being paranoid and having weird thoughts""? + +I'm going to be starting medication for the first time soon if all goes well. My current psychiatrist is talking about putting me on antipsychotics, but idk if these episodes are really bad enough to warrant taking an antipsychotic. I've been reading about the drugs and they sound like heavy duty stuff, and I can't tell if, for me, it's really necessary. I think I'd rather try another type of mood stabilising medication first. I don't know how I feel about all of this.",How bad does it have to be to be considered psychosis?,2 +1090,"Title says it all. I dont have any friends. Noone. Everywhere I go, people don't like me, I snapchat a couple people, yeah, but when it comes down to it, I dont actually have anyone to hang out with or really talk to. I have my boss so I have one person, but its not the same. Like, say I had to have surgery tomorrow and needed a ride home, I can guarantee noone would be willing, yet id be there for them at the drop of a hat. Im miserable and im lonely and I just wish that people actually liked me enough to actually interact with me on a deeper level than just sending a picture of their face all the time with almost no dialog. I dont ever know what to talk about, and I dont want to just always talk about me because ill feel like I'm just conceited, but thats what other people talk about and they have friends and so I just don't know what im doing wrong. Im tired of it.",I have no friends,2 +1091,"Does anyone else experience psychosis? i heard it was a symptom of Bipolar disorder but the link between psychosis and bipolar is only when a person is manic +I experience psychosis in both ways but mostly when im depressive states, is it normally a part of bipolar or is that an another issue altogether",Psychosis,2 +1092,"So yesterday I was feeling manic. (it was a warm, sunny day) +I even got a new learning obsession. +And today I woke up... like meh. And I am feeling sleepy even though I have slept for 10 hours. +Also because I didnt respond on yesterday’s evening to somebody when I felt like I should and now everything is not the way it should be (my ocd) +I might actually deserve all of this.",There are ups and there are downs- weather changes?,2 +1093,"**Hi there!!** + +**It's me again. I hope you're doing good! I'm grrrreat! I'm just writing with that sample you requested, which I will leave in the attachments. I hope you like it! I was kinda going for something different this time. If it still needs improvements, let me know. And if I can't get it right this time, then, guess I'll die! womp womp womp lol Anyway, there's was something I was specifically writing to tell you about, but I forgot. Should I remember it, be expecting another email from me! Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to shave my legs in the front yard as it's a lovely day.** + +**Have a bitchin' Wednesday!** + +And looking back at old emails, it's just pages of this shit.",Trying to write an Email while Manic like:,2 +1094,Also I finally slept! May have only been 5 hours but I'll take it,Another drawing from a prev episode,2 +1095,"Antone have gastroparesis an bipolar what medications are you able to take without them getting you sick? + +My psychiatrist wants me on lamotrigine an remon known as mirtazapine. + +He's only putting me on one antidepressant because of my lack of sleep at night . An that's my mania",Gastroparesis & Bipolar,2 +1096,"I was spending time with a friend today, felt totally normal and good in the conversation, im very close to her and feel very comfortable. then one of our other friends came over that i’m still comfortable with, but not as comfortable and I noticed it wasn’t as “easy” for me. It felt like I was trying so hard to be present, that I wasn’t present. Like I was putting so much energy into having energy and smiling and being engaged but I wasn’t. I felt off, weird, and robotic. + +I feel like this happens a lot to me whenever I hang out with other people who aren’t my usual group of 3 friends, even if I am “comfortable” with them. Or even sometimes in group settings when I can’t keep up with the energy of the group or my energy is too big in the group, but not so much one on one. + +Any idea why this is happening to me? Is this masking?",is this masking?,2 +1097,"i just saw something that really affected me and emotion consumed me. i immediately wanted to harm myself. + +are all our emotions stronger than others? or am i dramatic and only experience clinically strong emotions in episodes?",do we experience every single emotion stronger than others?,2 +1098,"Can consent for sexual acts be given during psychotic manic episodes? Visual hallucinations seeing other people's faces on different people, auras around people, massive delusions, euphoria, etc involved. How debilitated must one be to not be able to give consent?",Sexual consent during psychotic manic episodes,2 +1099,"Long story short, I had to leave a job after only six months because of a medicine induced manic episode and subsequent diagnosis. So it doesn’t look so bad like I just quit a job (I actually did turn in a two week notice) could I use the bipolar, or just general mental health issue as my reasons with recruiters and hiring managers? Just wondering if anyone else has been through this, because I’m sure I’m not alone.",Work absence and diagnosis,2 +1100,"So this is related to bipolar medication, I’m on 500mg ER quetiapine, I take it every night, however, I had to pull an all nighter for class so I misses the dose last night. However, I get symptoms if I don’t take the quetiapine at the same time each night, so I had to take it in the morning because I started getting symptoms. Basically I don’t think I can even get to class right now because I’m so out of it, normally I sleep after taking it so I forgot how crazy the side effects can be especially because I haven’t have food in awhile. So , do I go to lab in this zombie state, or tell my professor I’m sick and miss lab, while probably inconveniencing everyone who have helped me lots this semester and been very accommodating.im worried too bc it would mess up my lab schedule, and my report is due in a week . But i dont think i can go out an d function right now",Should I tell my professor I’m sick and miss lab?,2 +1101,"This is obviously a joke. Why are therapies so expensive? I acknowledge that therapists work hard to be qualified, but my insurance barely covers it. The relief I feel after every session is counteracted by the anxiety for the amount on the invoice. + +I wish I could get the help I need without having to sacrifice half of my paycheck.",I wish I could date a therapist to receive free therapy.,2 +1102,,an update on my piece. what mania feels like,2 +1103,I’m new to this sub so let me first thank you all for this wealth of information you all have been so kind to share. Like the title says my friend feels as though she has been bullied and ostracized from her fellow coworkers since coming forward with her bipolar diagnosis. Who can we turn to that will advocate for her rights?,My friend feels she’s is being outcast after advocating for neurodivergent individuals,2 +1104,"So I have been feeling pretty down the past few weeks. It could be a lot of things that triggered it. However, I did recently start taking birth control for pcos. I'm beginning to wonder if they can have an effect on our moods. I'm still taking all my other medicine, but I can't shake this feeling of sadness and exhaustion.",can hormonal birth control trigger depression for us?,2 +1105,"Hey everyone, to start I’m a 21 year old female living in the United States. I come from a family that has a close history of Bipolar and ADHD. My grandfather has pretty severe bipolar and due to his refusal to fake traditional medication he’s an addict and has been separated from my family since I was a child. + +I’ve shown signs of being bi-polar for a very long time now, was diagnosed with ADHD, got on the meds for that, but still struggled significantly. I knew everything I was experiencing pointed to Bipolar II, but with it being so taboo in my family after my grandpas actions I refused to ever admit it. +However now after talking with my psychiatrist he strongly believes I am bipolar and we will start a more in depth diagnosis beginning soon. + +I have mixed feelings, I’ve known that this was most likely the answer but I didn’t want it to be true. I hate that I have to be the one in my family to carry the “bipolar” role, I know they will look down on me and assume I’ll end up the same way that my grandpa did.","Just started the process of getting diagnosed, I’ve spent years in denial despite obvious signs",2 +1106,"I’ve been researching trust issues and coping mechanisms and an article I read brought up bipolar disorder and how trust issues can be indicative of bipolar. I have a lovely partner but I can’t scrape it from me to trust him, no fault of his own. He has done nothing to betray my trust. How have you trusted healthy partners after the bad ones? Im trying very hard not to ruin this but alas I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.",Trust issues,2 +1107,"I'll start: +1. When I'm down: M*A*S*H* (the nostalgia and predictability, classic style characters are comforting for me) +2. When I'm up: The Simpsons (I'm really familiar and can keep it on in the background while doing something else or leave and come back without issue).",What's your go-to comfort show when you're down and what's your show for when you're up? Any particular reason?,2 +1108,"I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips for coping with extreme self loathing. + +I'm medicated and in therapy, but neither of these things seem to help when the self hatred hits me hard. I guess this would be considered a depressive episode, but i don't really get manic anymore, so who really knows. + +I just hate myself so much that it makes me suicidal. I wish i was someone else entirely or that i just didn't exist. I've hated myself for most of my life. Probably since puberty and realizing i didn't look like the other girls and i was weird. I never fit in. I was always overweight and not conventionally pretty. Thru out my teen years i made so many bad choices - drop out, ex junkie then teen mom. Such an undesirable life. I can't even fathom how anyone could possibly love me. Stupid, crazy, ugly failure me. I'm 34 years old and i still feel like that little outcast kid that no one cared about. + +Can anyone relate? Did anything work for you?",Dealing with self-loathing?,2 +1109,"Is your depressive episode caused by + +specific life event (triggering event) + +or + +flow of time and biological cycle? + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +mine is caused by specific life event (triggering event) + +and idk how other people go thru depressive episodes + +i am recently diganosed (my doc was confused about my symptoms and tracked me for a long time) + +and i want to be educated + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +thank you so much and hope yall have a good day",I have question about your depressive episode,2 +1110,,Journal entry i made for visualizing good health,2 +1111,"weed man. i dont get withdrawals when i stop or anything i just struggle so bad with controlling it. i promised myself i’d take this week off of smoking and from here on out at least taking 2 days off a week, but i’ve already smoked 3 times this week. it’s the only fucking thing that keeps my moods under control when im home as my family is extremely toxic. i don’t want this to turn into my old habits. :(",i cant stop smoking.,2 +1112,,"During one of psychotic episodes, I felt helpless and not understood so I created a self timer picture.",2 +1113,"Just diagnosed after coming down from a hypomanic episode that resulted in a LOT of binge drinking. Is alcohol out of the question for someone like me? I am starting medication tomorrow and while I know I have a problem, I am hoping I can still participate in the occasional wedding/birthday champagne toast. :(",do you have to abstain from alcohol with this disorder?,2 +1114,"I’d really love to hear from other women who have bipolar and went ahead with having kids. How is that going for you? Do you enjoy being a mom? Is it manageable? + +I’m a woman in my early 30s and got married last year. It feels like everyone around me is having babies and I’m really trying to figure out if I want one. I feel like I could be happy/sad either way. I just started listening to an audio book about trying to decide about kids and I had to turn it off because it was making me cry. + +My husband is sort of happy to go with whatever decision I make. I know nobody is “making” me make this decision, but I don’t want to hit 40 and just say oops guess I never did that. I really just want to make up my mind either way.",Are you a mom? How is that going?,2 +1115,"Long story short, after a very difficult few months and then the death of a friend, I am not doing well. My therapist is asking that I seek a higher level of care, which I am pursuing (hoping for an IOP group spot to open up soon). I do know the ER is there if things get too serious before then, but I’m trying to avoid that if possible. + +I think I can finally admit that a lot of my thoughts lately are suicidal. Not sure why I couldn’t say that for so long, but the fog has lifted enough that it’s become clear. I haven’t felt this sick in nearly 10 years, since before my bipolar II diagnosis. I have no intention of acting on those thoughts but they are there nearly constantly. + +But the weird thing is, my anxiety suddenly disappeared recently. I don’t feel “normal” or free from anxiety… almost like the anxiety left and was replaced by a strange, calm apathy. I no longer fear death, and I haven’t noticed myself feeling nervous about anything. It feels almost like when the anxiety left, it almost gave the suicidal thoughts “permission” to be there. I’m not scared anymore. + +It’s been a weird feeling, and I guess I’m curious if anyone else has felt something like this? It feels confusing and I think I’m trying to make sense of it.",Anxiety and fear suddenly gone,2 +1116,"I'm M30, from Brazil and fortunately we have not the best health care provide by a government, but it’s something. So on… I’m been diagnosed as bipolar a 3 years ago a now a new doctor that met in last December took my case and I feelling she is doing her best to help me. I’m taking Lithium 900mg, Depakene 1500mg, Rivotril 0,5 mg (if panic attacks ou a huge anxiety crisis) and plus zolpidem 10mg for sleep. We started very low, I tried a few days only with lithium and it puts me in a major depression, then we started Depakene, kind help, but I’m still feeling stuck in my depressive cycle. My question to all of you is: how long did you take meds until your stability? I swear I can’t hold on anymore. I want be the person I used to be, have a job, have some dreams, take care of my appearance etc. TAB is so fucking unfair, how I hate TAB.",I need some warm people with me,2 +1117,I began taking Lamotrogine 15 days ago and I've been looking for any changes I've seen in myself ever since then. I notice that I do feel a little more disciplined or maybe even stable but I'm unsure whether or not I'm just having a good week or it's the medication. My doctor said I would likely feel a difference in four weeks so I'm keeping that in mind but I just wanted to see what everyone else's experience with the medication was.,How quick did your medication begin working for you?,2 +1118,,Bipolar Tattoo (Colored in),2 +1119,,current feels... living on a college budget b/c of my bad financial decisions during mainia *sigh*,2 +1120,"I should give it up right? +Because I’m kind of agitated/ amped up now and I should already be asleep. +Ideas for helping to calm down/ go to sleep? + +Tell me all about your experiences with caffeine and coffee, fellow bipolar people. + +One of the trains of thought running through my head right now is in my own language (gibberish) which makes me think maybe I can’t blame this all on coffee lmao",Midday coffee?,2 +1121,"Maybe this is just me, but I’ve noticed two types of mania I experience that I’ve dubbed ‘empty’ mania and ‘full’ mania. + +‘Empty’ mania (which I’m currently in, in case this is illegible) is like I’m floating and everything’s hilarious and but I also begin to dissociate and question whether I’m real/anything around me is real. + +‘Full’ mania is like my body is too heavy and too alive, and I’m too irritable to socialize with most people without snapping at them, and it’s almost like my body is too big for my skin, if that makes sense, and I feel everyone’s eyes staring into my too-big body. + +Again, maybe that’s just me, but it’s helped me be able to better track my moods like this.",Different types of mania,2 +1122,"Last night as I laid down to sleep and had my eyes closed, I had something that felt like a dream, but it was something that happened just before I feel asleep. I lucidly thinking about the experience as it was happening. + +I’ll start off with what I think it was. I think it was a new kind of suicidal ideation. + +I’m not religious at all, but this dreamlike feeling was full of images that felt like a type of beautiful afterlife, like a heaven or something. It was sweeping land and seascapes that looked like something off of an Asia album cover. Everything was iridescent. And I was flying high above it all loftily and effortlessly. It felt like the scenes from the Lost Boys when you see the vampires’ POV as they fly. + +It looked so real, and so perfect and peaceful, and I felt like it was calling me to it. I began to speak to it. I said, “please.. if this is it, please take me.” “Please take me away from this.” + +Usually if I have SI, it’s miserable and darkly depressing. + +It felt like the SI was being cunning and alluring this time.",I had the strangest feeling last night.,2 +1123,It's the only symptom I don't experience with hypomania. It's actually the opposite—I am so high strung and hyperfixated on so many things that I completely forget about sex. I am not asexual in any way but the idea is just so unappealing during my episodes. I've never seen anyone share this sentiment and am left wondering if it's really that uncommon?,Zero sex drive while hypomanic,2 +1124,"hi!! i got diagnosed + medicated back in November. currently on 200mg lamotrigine. my mood swings have slowed down, however i’ve been noticing ive been more depressed as of late and going onto day 4 of feeling like this. + +im currently unsure if it’s because im not on the right meds or the amount of pressure im under rn. i feel horrible bc i havent been going to any of my college classes these past 2.5 weeks. i have also not been completing assignments which is also bringing me down. i just dont have the energy for it rn. the stress im under is due to my grades dropping and the possibility of me losing my full ride scholarship + +we went on spring break and i was the happiest ive ever been w/o being manic. once school kicked in ive been sleeping in all day. i really think my episode is due to stress rather than my meds. but god it sucks so badly. it just reminds me of how bad my episodes used to be. + +idk anymore. im feeling so miserable and useless. i wish i could get back on my feet but it feels impossible.",bad depressive episode due to stress from college,2 +1125,"I'm on amisulpride 150mg, Valproate 1gm and Lamotrigine 100mg, but for a week or so I have this feeling of dread and frustration related to work which makes me not able to go to work. + +I very well know that it's an irrational fear, but I can't get over the strong emotion pulling me from attending work. +Ive tried DBT which hasn't helped. + +Its starting to become frustrating now. Worse still is I've had these episodes since the past few months so much so that I've been to work on and off, and not consistently. + +I work as a doctor in a large hospital. + +Has anyone else felt this way, and what has helped y'all to get out of it? +Is it part of depression or am I doing this to myself? Sometimes I doubt this too.",Feeling of dread and frustration related to work. Need advice.,2 +1126,"this sucks. i feel like a stranger. + +it feels like everyone has stronger or more intense symptoms than i do. my therapist keeps telling me that labels arent everything and that she treats the individual not the diagnosis. it made me feel like crap when she said that. like the diagnosis, the name, the labels i always chased to get that sense of validation we’re all meaningless. + +and now i keep thinking that something is wrong with me. but maybe it’s not BP2? + +my psychiatrist is tapering me off lexapro and will be adding lamotrigine soon. i am week 5 on wellbutrin. she wouldn’t be doing this is there wasn’t something actually on the bipolar spectrum right?",imposter syndrome sucks,2 +1127,"You aren’t your thoughts. You just experience them. Just like how we have mental illness, but we aren’t the illness. It’s a disease just like cancer. You don’t see cancer patients saying “I am cancer”. They say they have cancer. + +I think saying “I’m bipolar” makes it seem like I’m saying that it’s my identity. I remind myself all the time that bipolar is not an identity, its just a journey that I’m on. A journey that is different than anyone else’s.",You aren’t your thoughts.,2 +1128,"I guess you could say I’ve done a lot in my lifetime, but I feel like I’ve just failed a lot. Before I was diagnosed I was on the fast track to be a lawyer at 22. That didn’t happen and now I am divorced and jobless with a useless bachelor’s degree. I can’t take classes at my community college because I can’t afford them. I can’t take university classes because I’ve dropped classes so many times they won’t give me financial aid. I have terrible credit and I am deep in credit card, personal, and student loan debt. I try getting jobs but don’t stay at them for more than a few months. I just can’t bring myself to do things I don’t want to do. Even if it’s something I need to do to survive I will still just quit. That’s why I’m in such a bad spot. I don’t know what to do with my life. People say just get a flexible part-time job doing easy stuff, but if I don’t enjoy it I will literally quit two months in. My parent’s have been supporting me my entire life, even when I was married (my ex was a loser). I feel so bad for them to have this failure of a child. I’m not eligible for disability because I haven’t worked enough hours and I'm not eligible for SSI because my parents provide me with everything. Not that I could live off of either of those anyways. I’m so frustrated with myself. I'm not sure if I have any hopes or dreams left. I don’t know if I need advice or just to vent, but here I am.",What am I doing with my life.,2 +1129,"I was reading the post about crapping on coping mechanisms that was posted recently and I was surprised to hear that many people consider themselves neurodivergent because of their bipolar. + +Please inform me if I sound really ignorant! + +I was under the impression that neurodivergence is an innate difference in thinking, permeating everything you do and the brain is inherently wired differently. This is most often associated with ADHD and Autism spectrum disorders. + +I personally feel that although I have a mental illness, that when well controlled and stable I am “wired” the same as most people. My therapist described an allegory that stuck for me which was “Your personality is the climate, and your mood is the weather”. + +I think that my climate is “neurotypical” and I do not identify myself as neurodivergent, more as someone who deals with periods of mental illness. + +What do you think about this?",Are we neurodivergent?,2 +1130,"Then I come home to a sink full of dishes, a carpet that hasn’t been vacuumed in ages, piles of clothes that haven’t been folded, cups and cans everywhere, and the list just goes on. I want to have a clean, cozy home with house plants that I’m proud to show off to people, but I don’t even feel capable of holding myself together for long enough to achieve anything close. I feel like a disaster of a human and I don’t know how to help myself.",I feel so shameful when I see how tidy and well decorated other people’s homes are,2 +1131,Guess my brain candy (5 days Worth + suplements for the vegan on to!!,Brain candy guess,2 +1132,"I just got my annual bill and I used a fifth less water than previous years. Since November I've been showering very little. At one point it got so bad I wouldn't shower for 10 days, so yeah that saved a lot of water lol. Doesn't make up for all the money I spent during hypomania that came after, but it's still nice haha",Saved a ton of water thanks to not showering due to depression,2 +1133,"21F here. hi all, here we go: + +a few months ago, i had my first manic (hypomanic?) episode. It lasted 1-2 months. + +well, after all of the weird behavior, i was urged to see a psychiatrist. and then I was diagnosed. + +Ever since being diagnosed and given medication (my first time ever taking daily meds…), i feel somewhat at unease. Even though i have a weird feeling, right now i feel pretty stable and happy. i honestly didnt know medicine could change my life so much. + +But i feel like after experiencing my first manic episode, something in me has changed. Even when im feeling stable, theres some underlying feeling my mood may swing at any given moment. I am still working on finding the best meds for me, so maybe that may have something to do with it? + +I dont know. did you guys experience something similar after your first manic/hypomanic episode? Did the underlying unease ever go away? + +Sorry if I said anything wrong, i feel like there is still so much i dont know about bipolar. I had a great-aunt who was in and out of hospitals in her 20s for being bipolar, but she was shunned from the family from being addicted to drugs and leaving her kids. Any time i try to ask about her/her bipolar diagnosis, i get shut down. + +I am low-key afraid to google about it. So, all i know really is from what my psychiatrist has told me, which is a lot (with diagrams and everything). It was just a lot to take in.","Just diagnosed, super confused and scared",2 +1134,I am 22f and I have bipolar type 2. I forgot my meds for two days and it triggered a depressive episode and im so pissed at myself because i thought i was doing good. Im so upset. I hate how it always ends back in this crazy headspace. I know its the bipolar but ohmygod this shit sucks so bad. I have to live my whole life with these random episodes of shit. Im tired. Sorry I am ranting. I just want a break for a year or something. Id do anything for relief from this disorder at this point,I am literally so tired of living like this,2 +1135,"Since I started taking meds(2year ago) this last six months is where I consider myself truly stable, but I still get sometimes some ups and downs that I feel isnt 'normal' if u know what I mean so and sometimes I'm self aware of intrusive thoughts and I try to reason with myself somehow but my mood still is affected by it + + Reading some stories shared here I started to wonder what 'stable' mean for each individual and how often do you feel stable but you think ""Am I really?"" + +I think every person with bipolar eventually will ask questions about what is part of their personality and what is the disease for lack of better word and I often think about the past and wonder ""was it that truly myself? how bad I felt, how good, when I was depressed, when I felt awesome and thought I could have accomplished big things, when I felt that I didnt fit anywhere and nothing was worthing pursuing... thelist goes on + +Share your thoughts with me people","When u guys are stable, how 'stable' is that?",2 +1136,"I don’t even have it bad (except for mental illness obviously) yet being awake is so fucking stressful. I have a supportive family, a great boyfriend, good friends, etc but I still want to be d3ad. Im on Wellbutrin, buspar, Vraylar and klonopin AND IM STILL DEPRESSED, ANXIOUS AND EMOTIONAL. I get they aren’t a cure all and I’d be much worse off meds, but what’s the point if I still can’t function in life?? I can’t work a normal job but I keep getting turned down for disability even though I over qualify. I fucking need money to live a life I don’t even want and I can’t get it. I’m about to explode",Existing is so hard,2 +1137,"Like the title said, I'm starting work on my thesis Monday. However, my school platform, where we have access to grading criteria, templates, general information about the whole thing, is currently having technical issues and I can't access anything. My teacher said we'll look into it tomorrow, but I'm panicking. In a few hours, it'll be fixed, but it feels so far away. + +What if there's something wrong and I'm not registered? What if there's been a mistake and I can't start my thesis? I've already done all the preparation, I worked hard to get permission to do my research at a company I'm really eager to work for and I would die of shame if I had to contact them to tell them I wouldn't be able to do the work as planned. + +My thoughts are spiralling. It's almost midnight here and I'm too wound up to go to sleep, so I'll be exhausted tomorrow, even if I do manage to get some sleep. I'm terrified this will trigger an episode. + +I'm just so scared right now. + +How do I get through this? It's only 12 weeks left of my Bachelor's. What if I fall apart right before the finish line?",I'm starting my bachelor thesis on Monday and I'm already freaking out due to some technical trouble on the school's part. How do I get through this?,2 +1138,"I've been diagnosed adhd for years, and refused treatment. 15 years later and I need treatment for depression and mania. And it feels like my adhd is no longer able to be managed. + +I just wanna know, will treatment help with the procrastination and feeling overwhelmed by everything? Will I be better than what I was before? + +If you need dual treatment, what changes did you and those around you notice?","bipolar and adhd, have you found successful treatment and what is it like?",2 +1139,"starting this off by establishing that I am autistic, and one of my interests is self categorization. this can make me come across as a hypochondriac or doctor shopper, as I know my disorders/illnesses very well. once I started seeking treatment for my bipolar I learned everything there was to learn, joined communities such as this one, and started talking to others with bipolar. + +as a result of this, I learned a lot about medication. not even really on purpose, learning about the meds people are on is just an inevitable of being in a group like this. + +my psyche prescribed me abilify today, and out of curiosity I asked if that was the med known to sometimes lead to tardive dyskinesia. I'm not against trying abilify, all meds can have horrible side effects, but I wanted to know if that's what I was potentially getting myself into. I love my psyche, she's super nice and receptive, but she sorta laughed and told me to ""stop googling your medication"" which rubbed me the wrong way. it's a drug I'm unfamiliar with, should I not want to be prepared for the potential risks? I've told her before I'm open to trying anything, so it's not like I was telling her I wouldn't take it because I was scared, I was just asking a question so I know what to look out for. + +**I'm not gonna stop seeing her because this is such a small thing, but am I overreacting by feeling a bit icked out?**","psychiatrist told me not to google my medication, feeling weird about it",2 +1140,"tl;dr should I read Choice Theory or should I change therapists? + +So, my therapist has suggested that I read Choice Theory by William Glasser... I used a credit on audible to get it, it is a little over 12 hours long... I haven't started it yet, but what I have read about choice theory tells me I will disagree with a main premise, which my therapist and I kinda got into today... + +He insists that thoughts and emotions are choices. Going so far as to say that mental illness is a choice. In regards to bipolar, if you are not having negative consequences, do you have bipolar? Because you can choose your actions and reactions and emotions and thoughts. + +That medicine is a crutch and is not necessary. + +He says that this gives you the power to control your life and swings and even get rid of swings. + +This came up when I was asking about tools because my regular tool for dealing with intrusive thoughts isn't really cutting it for me right now (having the thought, then saying to myself, is this thought beneficial/useful/helpful to me?) + +There are several things here that I am in complete disagreement with. Medicine is necessary, thoughts and emotions are not controllable (i.e. they just happen, but can potentially be directed) and, mental illness is real and not a choice. + +Sure you can do things to help mitigate symptoms and try and improve yourself, but ~~I am pretty sure~~ I will always have bipolar. He has planted a seed of doubt. That my entire array of health issues might be psychosomatic. I also see gastro/neuro/cardiologists. It is incredibly invalidating...",Choice Theory,2 +1141,"Title says it. I love all of your humor, your strengths, your obstacles, all of it. I realized its helping me view myself as a real person and accept my own ups and downs as well! So, thanks for sharing your lives, internet strangers.",Sappy post: loving each of you is helping my love myself,2 +1142,"Does anyone else have holes in their memory from specific hypomania and/or depressive episodes. When family have brought up situations where I was manic or depressed I generally have very little to no recognition of what they’re talking about and it usually takes a lot of detailing to get me to vaguely remember. + +Please tell me I’m not alone 😬 it’s a little scary.",Forgetting episodes,2 +1143,"My psych just prescribed me 1mg fanapt and I’ve never heard of it before. Just wanted to see if anyone has had experiences with it. It’s also hard to get, I had to special order it to a specific pharmacy.",Has anyone tried Fanapt or have experiences?,2 +1144,"I keep getting into fights with my closest friends and it's almost like I can't help it. I always start them and I always say sorry earnestly after. They know I'm bipolar. My two closest friends aren't talking to me right now and I don't wanna be lonely for the rest of my life. I'm just wondering if y'all can give tips on maintaining close friendships. I'm bipolar 1 btw, not fully stable yet, I'm manic right now and I'm on lamictal and abilify. Was diagnosed almost a year ago.",Friendships,2 +1145,"I went to my pcp 2 weeks ago for a follow up and was describing what I like to call ‘god mode’ when I can do anything, have unlimited energy, basically feel like I could fight god and win vs the times I get so depressed I can’t do anything except lay in bed and doomscroll. she said that it sounds like manic episodes and depressive episodes (I like my names better) and started me on lamotrigine. my last therapist also said I have bipolar but she was also a quack and I have no idea how she was allowed to become a therapist. I did a few days in grippy sock jail after going through several months of god mode until god nerfed me I did the bad and they said that all I had was major depressive disorder and anxiety +I guess I just don’t know what to think or what to do",My dr said that it seems like I have bipolar and prescribed me lamotrigine,2 +1146,"Going to try it to help shake this depression cycle. It’s lasting longer than usual and I can’t afford to let go all of my progress. My usual go to methods are not stimulating me enough to make the switch. + +Anyone tried cold showers? How did it turn out for you?",Cold showers,2 +1147,"im feeling the emotions i get when i’m manic. i haven’t been aware of my BP for long. is this enough to trigger a sort of episode? + +i saw the colors around me change, my eyes started watering and i got the feeling in my chest i feel when i’m in an episode. + +i can’t tell.",i just saw my ex that never posted me have his new girlfriends initial in his bio and a highlight for her,2 +1148,"A week and a half ago I was diagnosed with hepatitis c. A deadly virus that costs about $70,000-$90,000 to cure. (I work an entry level retail job and can't afford it) + +This diagnosis caused me to go from feeling on top of the world, and stable, to actively wanting to die, feeling that nobody wants me around or loves me, and splitting on everyone around me. + +Today I told the people I'm close to that I'm suicidal, and then I blocked them all. + +I don't want relationships anymore. I always let people down, and I don't feel like anybody ""needs me"". I genuinely don't want to be close to anyone again, because either I get let down, or I let them down, or I push them away. + +It's only going to be a matter of time before I am fired from my job, and I'm homeless. I don't have any food, as I don't have a car or a way to get it, and I'm miserable. + +I've been writing ""letters"" if you get what I'm saying. And I've been planning things out in my head.. + +I feel like this isn't something I can pull myself out of. + +Even if I did manage to start feeling better, I'd still me an unwanted outcast with a deadly, contagious virus. I hate myself, I hate my life.","I'm spiraling out of control and being diagnosed with a deadly virus, with a cure that costs $70k-90k. I'm splitting on everyone I know and actively trying to make my situation worse that way I can't come back from it.. (bipolar 2 + BPD)",2 +1149,"Hi friends! Sorry if this is the wrong place to post. + +I (20F) was diagnosed with BD2 back around October, so still fairly recent. I am super lucky to have a family that encourages me to keep going to therapy and stay on medication, however I’m finding they don’t really *understand* what I’m going through. + +While I’m aware there’s no real way for them to conceptualize what is actually happening to me during hypo episodes more specifically (was misdiagnosed w depression at 17, depression I feel is a little easier understood) I’d like to be able to have them be aware of what an episode is like. I can’t exactly put it all into words when trying to explain it to them myself, and I often feel like doing that ends up scaring/worrying them more. So I’m looking for a resource that can detail what hypomania is really like, whether that be a day-to-day kind of thing, or just an extensive list of symptoms. + +Most recently I spent several days awake, and have had obvious weight loss, which led my dad to ask my older brother if he thought I had been getting into meth/coke, as my dad was previously addicted to meth and experienced similar symptoms. + +Thanks to all who took the time to read this!",How to explain what BD is like?,2 +1150,"Nobody outside of this type of relationship will ever understand. + +When I’m stable, I am the best husband. Our relationship is amazing. Model relationship. + +Then when I’m manic (which for me usually swings between periods of high anxiety/irritability or intense happiness), we have a troubling relationship. + +It’s so weird how one can snap back to the other. I feel so bad for my wife who is a rock. But, everyday I strive to keep myself stable for her.",Being in a relationship as a bipolar person is like having two relationships.,2 +1151,"I am a type ll and my hypomania makes me want to colour everything while my depression makes me want to kill myself...so I tried this method of venting...hope you like them... +Thank you for reading",I recreated a few drawings during my rapid cycling...feel free to tell me they suck.,2 +1152,"I got diagnosed with Bipolar 2 three days ago and have already been diagnosed with anxiety and autism. I don't know where to start. I am relieved, because my mother thought I was having hormonal changes or I was exaggerating, but my father actually tried to help. Whenever I think of those moments, being frustrated over my mother saying that I was using it as an excuse after I got diagnosed with anxiety, it saddens me. I feel better because now she is more careful. What do I do know ? I have some coping methods like music, physics, math, etc.",Newly diagnosed,2 +1153,"I've been hurt so many times by people I decided to trust. Im just over people at this point, because of my illness anyone can hurt me SO MUCH MORE than I could ever hurt them. It's too hard trying to manage my emotions even without factoring in the selfishness and unpredictability of people. + +&#x200B; + +Should I start trusting again? It's been 2 months and now I'm just bored, but I don't want to get hurt again. I'm still reeling from the extreme pain of the last time I was hurt. People have too much power over me, last time I was hurt it induced a mixed episode which resulted in psychosis and 2 suicide attempts. People are inherently selfish, I'm 100% convinced of this fact. But im getting bored and lonely.",What do you do when people hurt you,2 +1154,"And I got diagnosed with bipolar when I was 24. + +Is any of you diagnosed with depression kinda stuff during childhood? + +I feel I am the only one and this feels goddamn lonely",I had depression since 13,2 +1155,"The most recent manic episode I had was after being depressed and diagnosed with major depressive disorder to be prescribed Zoloft. Within 6 weeks I was staying up for 9 days and delusional. I thought my partner was going to kill me so I called 911. The police arrived and I was very agitated and explained my delusions and they took me to the nearest psych ward for an evaluation. Unfortunately, that psych ward didn’t keep me long enough despite my volunteering to stay longer. They also gave me a medication I ended up allergic to which took treatment even longer. + +This resulted in asking my in-laws who live in a different state miles away to help me care for my daughter until I found the right medication combination and was stable. I knew it could take a few months and I had no one else available local to me. The only way my inlaws would take my daughter is if I signed over guardianship. I was under the impression it would only be for a year at the most. But honestly, I wasn’t really in the right mind to consent to that paperwork. I just knew I needed help and I did what I could to ensure my daughter had the best care possible while I got stable. + +Fast forward to now my partner and I petitioned the courts to end guardianship as I have been stable for 2 years. I have letters from my therapist and pdoc stating I am in treatment and stable and medication compliant. + +Well, my in-laws are trying to prove I am unfit for things I did while I was manic so they can adopt my daughter without my consent or permission through the courts. They're also trying to prove that my partner (their child) is unfit I am less worried about that. + +My therapist says they're on a witch hunt and that they're just trying to raddle me and no judge would grant them adoption. I hope she's right. + +I just wanted to share what I am going through because 1. support would be nice. and 2. if anyone else is going through this you aren't alone.",Possibly losing parenting rights due to bipolar disorder,2 +1156,"TLDR : I'm bipolar type two with mixed features currently in a hypomanic (mixed?) episode. +I experience some of these things: +- clenched jaw +- 10-15 minute panic attack that disappears in a few seconds leaving you confused but not feeling bad (just very confused) +- nightmares and night sweating +- completely forgetting to eat and losing the instinct of eating or liking food except shit like sweets cola coffee and chips (with cigs ofc) +Do you? + +Note : I'm like 95% sure I'm hypomanic right now and have been for almost a month but was in denial until a week ago, seeing psychiatrist on Friday to talk. + +Anyway, I'm experiencing these things and was wondering if anyone else had this: +- clenched jaw most of the time +- random 10-15 minute panic attack/dark dissociation (few times a week, had one where i couldn't contain a scream that was just so guttural like I was giving birth and then started hyperventilating so hard I almost fainted and had to sit down and hold onto something to not fall), but then all of a sudden you have a posotive thought and it disappearears in a second making you wonder what even happened and laughing at how dramatic you are +- nightmares or night sweating +- completely FORGETTING TO EAT, like losing the instinct to eat, even when I'm hungry I don't think about food but I think of resolving the problem so I stuff myself with the easiest fastest food that's kinda nutritious and idc about the taste, like plain slices of protein bread, Bananas (I don't even like the texture or the taste of bananas but its the cleanest and most efficient for hunger), vegan pre-made protein shakes in bottles (over 2 months I've consumed about ~100 of them, I have one every morning and other shit ""meal"" mentioned above) and SOMETIMES have the patience to boil a pack of ravioli that takes 3 minutes to cook and eat it just with olive oil and balsamic vinegar or airfry in 10 minutes a pack of vegan nuggets or fish sticks and eat them plain, yup, no sauce and not evem fried, such a treat (less dishes). + +Btw I'm also diagnosed with mixed episodes and I've experienced them, but usually they are way darker and cold with a bit of psychotic moments, and I just feel superior to others like an evil God and I'm full of rage. +Whereas here I feel quite at peace but a bit out of control, but I know that I'm gonna take care of it soon (going back tomorrow to my parents). And overall I feel happy everyday and grateful and I feel like the world is so beautiful but I just have those breakdowns described above few times a week if not almost daily these days... + +Mmh yeah I talk a lot but that's a known hypimanic thing. + +Thank you for reading if you did and have a good (insert what it is for you) ! ✨️",Do you also do this during hypomanic (mixed?) episodes?,2 +1157,"I was diagnosed with Bipolar last May after trying to kill myself and did seven nights in a pysc ward which did me so much good. + +For awhile before my diagnosis I had talked to my doc about ADHD cause I felt I fitted the symptoms of that so was in shock when I was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar. When on what I call highs I get extremely productive. I get so much done and take up new hobbies that never last more than a couple of months. My lows are never so bad I'm depressed, but I have no energy mentally or physically and no interest in doing anything and I fall behind on everything. The house gets messy and I struggle to achieve anything. + +I have 3 kids so my anxiety goes through the roof when things get messy. I'm snappy to be around for my wife and my mother and I get into moods because everything in the house is messy again. It's like a vicious circle. My lows causes me to let the place get untidy and the mess causes me to spiral into worse moods. + +But sometimes when I read what other people go through and mine doesn't seem so bad in comparison I start to doubt I even have Bipolar. These thoughts sneak into my head, I feel like an imposter and that I'm not really as bad as I think, and I'm only lazy, subconsciously tricking people and cheating by being on illness benefit. + +Are these thoughts normal? I feel so guilty with myself then and it makes my anxiety even worse?",Bipolar doubt,2 +1158,"I've been battling bipolar for about about 8 years and just recently diagnosed and medicated in the past year and a half. Every episode I have results in my thyroid swelling up as a reaction to stress (like so big the endocrinologist gasped when he saw it), I have a whole bunch of nodules on my thyroid and now instead of the thyroid swelling up, it's the nodules that are filling with fluid and swelling up....only when I'm at the end of an episode so I know it's due to stress and the endocrinologist agrees. I've also experienced SIBO and I still do if I don't follow a strict diet, I became allergic to fragrance, coconut on skin, and Aloe Vera all out of nowhere, and my hair was falling out, this all happened when I was unmedicated, undiagnosed and extremely stressed out and my anxiety was through the roof. I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced extreme stress from these episodes that's resulted in other illnesses?",Do your episodes result in physical health problems?,2 +1159,"I’m complimenting everyone and chatting with every stranger I meet. I did a bunch of art projects this weekend and have been having super great ideas lately (at least I think they’re great). The hypomania is here. That is all. + +(And I’m posting on Reddit more)",It’s here!,2 +1160,"Has anyone ever stumble or read about something that could happen in the future and you start feeling weird and anxious and scared that it WILL happen because you read it, as if you could manifest/will the scenario into existence? because you feel like you have abilities to predict it to happen?? and the thing would probably never happened if you didn't read it.",Has anyone ever...,2 +1161,People who consider their bipolar well managed are you ever symptomatic? I’ve been stable and and symptom free for years but recently I have been struggling with some racing thoughts and i feel completely overwhelmed…. I am in a stressful situation that will be over in a 3-4 weeks. Do you call your Dr and change your meds or do you just ride it out?,Med adjustments,2 +1162,"So I’m bipolar I, I’ve had pretty severe psychotic episodes before. After a REALLY stressful day when I had to bring my dog to the vet ER, I think it triggered some hypomania. I feel euphoric- hitting the gym, banging out a bunch of projects at work, trying to buy a house all of a sudden (even though my lease doesn’t end til November), having sex with my husband every day. But in the back of my mind I’m constantly worried this could spiral into a full blown manic episode. This is the first time since last summer I’ve actually felt GOOD. Like I’m actually going out every day feeling happy. And I can’t even really enjoy it because I’m chronically anxious it will spiral out of control. I hate that I can’t just be happy.",Is it weird I’m mad I can’t even enjoy my hypomania?,2 +1163,"just a funny anecdote, one of my telltale signs of being hypomanic is midnight baking/cooking. batches of cookies, muffins, bread. it may suck but damn is it delicious",my amusing hypomania sign,2 +1164,"I've noticed that I often feel like everyone is watching me and judging every single thing and I have to act accordingly to not come off as weird. Like for example, when I'm at a crosswalk waiting to cross it feels like every single car is staring at me. Not even necessarily the people in the cars but the cars themselves are looking at me almost if that makes sense? It usually feels invasive but if I'm being honest, sometimes I weirdly enjoy it and I think it's some weird part of my brain wanting attention to be pulled to me. It's confusing and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.",Feeling like I'm being watched/judged constantly but not necessarily by one person/thing- How do I cope with this?,2 +1165,"I take caplyta , lithium and now Prozac … and she just got on me for tellin her I now take Prozac , which I quickly regretted and told her I’m never tellin her anything about my meds again , it pisses me off . I told her I don’t need her or my family tellin me what’s good for me …idk venting and looking for insight if you have any , thanks",My girlfriend who doesn’t rely on meds is tellin me I’m just using them as a band aid and how dangerous they are,2 +1166,"I’m not experiencing psychosis or mania but sometimes I look in the mirror and I see something that isn’t there. This also happens with auditory hallucinations, where I hear someone calling my name when they’re not there. + +I’ve kind of accepted that I’m just gonna experience the world a little differently than everyone else at this point. These “hallucinations” don’t bother me at all and only last a few seconds, definitely not something that warrants switching medication.",Is it normal to still see very brief hallucinations on antipsychotics,2 +1167,"They don’t like me when I’m depressed, they don’t like me when I’m manic +Why does the way I act put everyone in a panic +Fuck, this is the way that I am +They just wanna medicate and slaughter the lamb + +I’m a pure soul +My rhymes got that sick flow +What you fronting for +Mood like a revolving door + +And I don’t even care +Used to smoke blunts and blow it in the air +But they don’t like that either +Had to give up the weed and the ether + +So here I am numb just the way you like me +Won’t scare anyone won’t just do it like Nike +So I’ll go through the motions +Although they still have their notions + +Thought I would ride til I die +In my dreams I can still fly +Anything to feel alive +But they took away my keys so I can’t drive + +So I guess I’ll express myself as a poet +I’m still the shit don’t care if you know it +Just another face in the crowd +Hide me away in a shroud",They,2 +1168,"i know mania can be triggered by stress, but has anyone’s mania been triggered by self harm? + +i know in the moment it doesn’t feel traumatic but self harm is traumatic. + +i’m struggling with thoughts of self harm + +i haven’t been aware of my BP for long and i don’t know what triggers my episodes, and i want to know if i were to self harm if i would trigger an episode.",has anyone’s manis been triggered by self harm?,2 +1169,"I have been taking Saphris (Asenapine). For over 10 years and also use a CPAP. One weird thing I have noticed is if I take the Saphris right before putting my cpap mask on, the Saphris doesn’t seem to work as well. I think it’s because the air from the machine dries out my throat and because the med is sublingual, it does not dissolve correctly. Has anyone else noticed this?",Anyone take Asenapine with a CPAP?,2 +1170,"Yesterday I went to the walk in clinic because I was SURE I was having some sort of heart irregularity or attack, the doctor told me she thinks it is because I haven't been taking lamotragine (I ran out, and since i lost my health insurance haven't been able to get regular care. I have been on lamotragine since 2017) I am on my way to pick it up now, surprisingly I can afford it through their discount program...I am just so SO scared that I actually need this medication, I know that might not make much sense but it is just starting to feel so real that I might not be able to live without it. I didn't know going without it would literally feel like i was having a heart attack. I had been starting to think that maybe I had even been misdiagnosed back then, but that seems common on this sub...idk, I don't have my parents, or friends, or really any support network... I also can't afford therapy, so i just needed to vent about how scared I feel :( I was certain it was a heart attack.",Scared and need to vent,2 +1171,"My fiancé left me on Monday and I’m in a deep depression. She gave no sign that she was unhappy or anything and just left. I’m suffering badly and don’t want to be here right now. I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried talking to her but she wants nothing to do to with me. We had so many plans and dreams with each other. Last week we were looking at places to get married. I’m fucking miserable and don’t know what to do. + +I called my provider but earliest she can see me is the 10th. My anxiety and paranoia are extremely high and I just want my brain to shut off. It doesn’t help that it’s possible I’m schizoaffective disorder and not bipolar. I just want her back and to hear her laugh again.",In a deep depression,2 +1172,Diagnosed and medicated since 2013. Wondering if anyone else starts to sweat significantly more during a hypomanic or manic episode? I can feel I'm om the verge of an episode and I just cannot stop sweating. I'm curious is anyone else has this experience.,Sweating when hypomanic?,2 +1173,"Hi! So I’m seeing a psychiatrist for my depression and I might be bipolar. I’m on medication now but it’s not working yet. I have more energy than before, but burned down my studies and social life because of my depression and I still feel like shit. + +I’m not bad enough for inpatient and there’s no intensive outpatient where I am and I barely have therapy. I don’t know what to do, I’m glad I’m not just crying, staring into nothingness and sleeping anymore. However, there’s only so much drawing, reading and bingewatching I can do and I feel like I’m slowly going mad with boredom but I don’t know where to find meaning right now. How can I fill my days in a non-toxic way?",What to actually do during a depressive episode?,2 +1174,"I’ve been dating this guy for the past nine months. We’re mutually exclusive but not yet bf/gf. I have bipolar 2 disorder and have been diagnosed on a few occasions. +I fear that if I tell him, or he experiences me during an episode it’ll be too much. +So my question is when is the right time? How do I have this conversation? When did you tell your partner?",When do I tell him?,2 +1175,,Doodles from my last manic episode,2 +1176,"Hi! I'm headed into work, so going to just get this out fast in hopes someone can give me advice. + +I have been at home for almost 4 years with mostly depression, some hypo mania, and one scary manic episode brought on by an antidepressant. I also have extreme anxiety and adhd. + +I started Lithium in August and was able to help my husband at work within a month. I came out of my shell, began to make eye contact, conversation, and was hired on as an administrative assistant. My career was teaching, but I know I can not be that person anymore. + +I have struggled the whole time, but was managing okay enough to continue. I am not okay again. Work is stressful in an unreasonable way and I can feel myself crashing. I am terrified of becoming the hermit I was for 4 years. I was hospitalized last March wanting to die from so much empty. I need to keep a purpose. + +Anxiety is almost unbearable and the empty, I can't do it anymore feeling is taking over. Music and TV feels fake and every task is a huge effort. These are some of my signs. I am back to needing ativan to function most days and adderal the others. How can I prevent a full crash? Help! + +Current meds: +Lithium 600mg at night +Ativan a couple times a week and increasing +Adderal when I am paralyzed several days a week. +I just added 500 mg magnesium glycinate and Vit D3. +Any words of wisdom are appreciated.",Minimal success for 8 months,2 +1177,i’m just so over everything honestly. i use to love cleaning and self care and now it take all my energy to shower once a week. i’ve been on all these different medications and the only one that worked my insurance randomly decided they didn’t want to pay for it anymore. my psychiatrist is frustrated with me because i haven’t started therapy but i genuinely can’t afford it right now and i fully believe i’m in a place where therapy just isn’t a good idea. i’m on geodon right now and it just makes me feel nothing. i miss who i was before this diagnosis…. it’s all so exhausting.,tired and angry,2 +1178,"I’m very recently diagnosed (in conjunction w ASD). I’m just very scared of my head; I’m scared of the way my brain makes me think and I am scared of how little control I have over it. Ive no idea what world I’ve entered into, mostly because I don’t understand much yet, despite wanting to. I’ve studied psychology at university before dropping out (multiple times), and it’s so easy to look at things on the outside and understand them, but to look introspectively is so difficult. It’s difficult to analyse the thoughts I should and shouldn’t listen to. It’s difficult to place or recognise moments of irritability, excitement, etc. Sometimes I’m panicking without even knowing I’m panicking or why. Im just very much in a state of barely knowing what’s going on in my head until the aftermath, unless it’s depressive thoughts, those are pretty easy to figure out, and by far the most common for me. People near me just say I shouldn’t think that way, but it’s hard explaining why I feel I have no control over how I genuinely feel… if that makes sense. + +Does it get better? I’ve been prescribed mood stabilisers.",I’m new,2 +1179,"For context I have type one and a history of 4 hospitalisations in 7 years. ECT (worked amazingly but only for a while), tried loads of medications and it seems like we've finally found a combo that works. I haven't had a serious episode for over two years now. + +I have a two year old son and, despite the manic episode I had after four days is labour when he was born, he's the best thing that has ever happened to my mental health. I love him to bits even though he was a surprise and I was totally sure I wasn't ready. + +Now my husband and I want a sibling for him. We both never had siblings of our own, so he has no cousins and we both wish we had siblings. We want a baby sooner rather than later because the age gap keeps getting bigger. 3 years difference is ok, but 4 seems like much more to me. I don't know. I've started taking folic acid and we should be ready to start trying to conceive in May. + +We also happen to be moving across the UK for my husband's work in July. If all goes well, I could be pregnant by then. + +I told my psychiatrist this and he told me that my antidepressant, clomipramine, is dangerous to the baby in pregnancy and can cause serious heart defects. He wants to switch me to an SSRI (citalopram), which I've tried several of and they haven't done much for me in the past. Clomipramine worked for me I think because it's also effective in OCD and while I don't have OCD, my depressive thoughts are definitely obsessive. I've been taking clomipramine for since a mild depressive episode I had a year ago and since I haven't had any depression at all and I haven't gone manic either. + +I'm just worried with the move (even though I'm really looking forward to it) and the pregnancy and the medication change might be too much. As a mother, I feel having a serious episode is not an option, but then am I just putting more pressure on myself? Is this crazy? Should I try it or wait another year with the baby? Even just changing medication worries me, but I can't consider pregnancy without doing that first. + +I don't know exactly what I'm asking for here. Reassurance? Sanity check? Advice? Any and all of that is welcome.","Switching meds, planning pregnancy, and moving across country. Recipe for disaster?",2 +1180,"Anybody else feel like their brain is bombarding them constantly? It’s 3 major things for me: + +1. Music in my head. All the time, non-stop. Sometimes it’s a real song, sometimes it’s a song I made up in my head. Sometimes it’s a song I like, sometimes it’s super annoying (even my own songs). + +2. Intrusive thoughts. Could be anything from violent and disturbing images to something super benign. I have a bag of Mamma Chia brand chia seeds, every time I see I think “mamma chia, mamma chia figaro.” + +3. Obsessive thinking. I’ll become interested in a subject to the point where I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ll try to focus on something else, but I creeps back in and I wind up reading the same Wikipedia article 100 times instead of doing what I’m supposed to be doing. + +Just wanted to see if anyone can relate to this.","Head noise, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking",2 +1181,"hey all. + +i was recently diagnosed. to sum up my dilemma, my entire life anytime i’ve had a medical problem arise, i’ve always been dismissed as it being “anxiety”. i have a history of unexplained syncope episodes & wacky blood test results but no doctor has ever taken me seriously. perks of being a 22 year old female. i’ve been told to take antidepressants for viral illnesses & the like. so i’ve grown costumed to having a distrust towards doctors or i feel like they just use me for money & don’t listen to me, ya know? + +anyway, that’s not why i’m here. i hit rock bottom a few months ago & have been seeing a wonderful therapist who truly advocates for me & gives me a voice. he referred me to a psychologist & we did the whole genesight thing. she wants me to start taking latuda. + +i did the whole googling the medicine thing & asked some friends about it, & i have yet to see a good review. i also don’t want to be even more tired than i am now as i’m exhausted 24/7 as is. & im scared meds could impact work or school. + +i guess i’m just here asking for validation to ease my anxiety. will meds actually help me? or will i feel miserable? i’m really scared. i’m so hyper aware of my body & i freak out about any minor change, even headaches. but also as the months go on the more i feel wildly reckless & isolated. if i start taking them, & want to get off them, will they forever change me like antidepressants can? i’d rather enjoy my few months of mania no matter how wild it can be vs forever be different.. + +i don’t mean for any of this to seem invalidating or disrespectful by the way. it’s just my experiences/paranoia",recently diagnosed & very anxious when it comes to meds,2 +1182,This film really triggered my anxiety in the theater because of its accurate representation of a panic attack. But the real kicker for me is how Puss looks at himself in his previous 8 lives compared to his 9th one. I feel like that is a perfect representation of my mania to now my first real depressive episode I have had. I also just received my diagnosis and it’s hits me so hard because it’s like I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I feel just like Puss… anyone else feel this way about this movie?,Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is the best representation of BP,2 +1183,"Hey everyone + +thanks for taking time to read this. + +I've question to everyone here who is stable for more than 5 years. + +What are the things that helped you for being stable ?",Stable for years,2 +1184,"I've heard so many people on this sub complain when a non neurodivergent tells them they should start to-do lists, or journal, or exercising. + +These are all great coping mechanisms, I understand the loneliness of being neurodivergent but shitting on routines and healthy habits isn't going to help anyone. + +I have to take medication AND journal AND do lists AND therapy AND medication AND take walks in nature AND a bunch of other stuff. Are y'all not doing that? Cause it damn sure helps",Why are people crapping on coping mechanisms?,2 +0,"**Edit:** The Telegram group has been created, here's the invitation link: https://t.me/+r_m6p58MZUhmZDdk + +- Number of members as of 2022/07/30: **71** +- Number of members as of 2022/09/26: **158** +- Number of members as of 2022/12/25: **219** + +We created a [Telegram](https://www.telegram.org/) group/room for people with AvPD who want to talk to other people with AvPD, to break the loneliness, pass the time, make friends or just lurk. + +Please introduce yourself briefly (for instance: name, age, sex, country, languages spoken, hobbies) when joining the group. Also, remember to welcome people who just joined the group. + +If you have any suggestions or ideas to improve (in quality) the group, if you want to create an event or anything that might improve the experience of the group, feel free to share them in the group and ping me. + +[Telegram](https://telegram.org/) is available on PC (Windows), macOS, Linux, iPhone (iOS), iPad (iOS) and Android phones and tablets. There's also a Web version (but you first need to install it on one of your devices to use it). + +**Note:** You can also speak your native language in this group (if at least one other member also speak it).",Is there anyone interested in joining a group for AvPD on Telegram?,3 +1,,This,3 +2,"When I see normal people constantly talk and have fun with it, I'm genuinely shocked. How the hell do they have something to talk about all the time?? How do they know what would be interesting to the person they talk to? + +It feels like I operate on lvl 1 of social skills, while everyone else is already on lvl 100. Nobody around me has the same lvl, so I can't even train to become stronger; doomed to lose every encounter.",Anyone else have nothing in common with other people?,3 +3,"I really enjoy watching people live their lives, listening indirectly to their conversations while in public, being an observer of events etc. My problem is having to interfere on the world, I hate having to talk and to do things that will have consequences in it. I wish I could just watch life like a tv show or as if I was a ghost, in a way that no one could see me, nothing would be expected of me and I wouldn't need to worry because I would be certain of it. I could just contemplate the world in peace. + +Some of you guys may have watched Euphoria and I definitely feel a connection with the description made about Lexi, how she felt like she was an just observer and that her life was not really her life, just some sort of play or movie. + +These days I been having the classic ""I want to leave all behind and live in the woods with just a dog"" idea and daydreams, and I guess that a big part of it is because I feel like there I could be like this, or at least similar enough. Be an observer of nature, never having to deal with socialization again, only brief interactions for, let's say, buy necessary stuff from other people (which I don't mind). I know this isn't realistic for my context and also that it probably wouldn't be this magical thing, but it's a fantasy that brings me satisfaction. + +I guess I'm just burned out of people. A lot of bad things happened in my relational and social life since childhood till last year and I'm really bitter about it right now. Of course I want to find real connection, where I could be myself openly and comfortably, but because it always goes wrong and brings disappointments I'm really hopeless at this point and honestly kinda angry. I don't have patience for people anymore, I'm tired, I'm being judgy as hell and I'm activelly avoiding new people.",Being a ghost would be my ideal form of existence.,3 +4,,Welp...,3 +5,"Lately I just feel like garbage. I havent left the house much in like 2 weeks, and I've been missing class. It all feels too overwhelming for me, but being at home makes me feel like trash too...I cant win. I cant sleep right either. I wake up every other hour and im so tired.... + +I feel so angry and anxious lately too because I feel as if everyone hates me and that they're happier without me. My friends hardly talk to me lately. I see them on social media chatting and making plans to call/play games and im never included lately. Im not surprised though. Who'd want to be friends with someone as depressed and broken as me? + +I want to crawl in a hole and disappear :(",I am hurting,3 +6,"I work from home as a software developer, most aspects of the job are too triggering, and I can’t handle it. + +Every morning starts with a daily update meeting. Since I usually had done only 0-30 minutes of work the previous day, I have no update to give, I panic and have to lie, and the lie is transparent. Afterwards I have to cool down from the shame, guilt, and stress. It’s already hard to recover from the procrastination because everything I do, with the code or on Slack, has a timestamp, a notification, and is visible to everyone. Once there’s something I’m avoiding (committing code, deploying code, posting the code for review, responding to someone, testing code, an upcoming meeting, etc.) I often go offline from inactivity, and then I’m afraid to even open my laptop (which can take hours to overcome) because once I do everyone can see I’m online on Slack; my procrastination then is immediately visible to the people who are impacted and who are looking for it i.e. people I’m not responding to, my manager. + +I already got in trouble for not doing my work, missing meetings, not responding to people for days or weeks, and just not showing up some days without telling anyone. I was put on a month-long probation, which I’ve gotten past only because I didn’t ghost entire days during that time. I have frequent meetings with my manager and I have to pretend I’m struggling way less than I am. I can’t admit that half or more of the days I do absolutely nothing, or how much communicating with people — the most important part of the job — so fundamentally terrifies me. + +I know every trick in the book about procrastination, time management, breaking down tasks, but that’s not enough when I’m this afraid of people. I’ve accepted I need help from another person. I’ve talked about this some with friends, but none of them understand, so all they can provide is sympathy. I have a psychiatrist and I’ve been trying to find a therapist, but they’ve all been unhelpful, many actively harmful. + +I know it's a slow process, but every single day at work is like torture, and I’m on very thin ice. Because I can’t get the work done, it’s not endurable, and I don’t have the time or energy to work on all the other parts of my life in dire need of work. I don’t want to quit because I haven’t been here that long and I had a big gap between quitting my previous job (for the same reasons). But I can’t stay like this for months until I find someone and begin making progress. + +I don’t know what to do",I can't cope with my job,3 +7,"I’m 24 and don’t have a stunningly high body count, it never used to bother me but once i hit my 20s and people i knew hit that phase of sleeping around and doing the casual relationship thing it just hooked into my brain + +I tried to do the whole hoe phase thing but i’m terrified of everything around being more intimate with someone, making moves, doing things right, my own body; just not being able to keep up the act ive got going and having to have someone see all of me, you know? + +and on paper i know it’s fine not everyone on earth is hoeing it up, either side of the spectrum is fine, but my brains really latched onto this as another thing that makes me different from everyone else and something people are going to judge me for. like i’m not a person because no one’s ever really wanted me. & every time someone brings it into conversation i just feel physically sick with how much of the biggest freak i feel like + +i’m sorry if this barely makes sense i just really needed to get this off my chest",AE feel like this?,3 +8,"Hi dear community! + +I have a question, my partner has AVPD. We have been dating for some months. + +And I noticed that when he’s going through an anxiety “episode” or moment. He sort of physically avoids me. + +For example if he feels embarrassed, or has low self esteem particularly high that moment. He will “hide” behind his laptop, or walk behind or in front of me, distancing himself physically, while still being kind, it’s more of a way of hiding from me, when he can’t actually leave. (For example when we share a hotel room on vacation) + +I did notice that when I grab his hand to hold mine while walking, that he does reciprocate(even when he tried to walk behind me or further away from me) but I’m not sure if he does it to please me but dislikes it, or if he likes it that I’m gently being reassuring and consistent. + + +My dear Avpd-Ers- when feeling low, do you like being comforted, or do you truly want someone to take distance and leave you alone? I just want to learn how to handle the situation so he feels comfortable! + +Thanks everyone !!",How to deal with in-person avoidance?,3 +9,,The waiting game. It's a fun one.,3 +10,"I feel like I’ve had a realization in the last few months that I wanted to share. It’s that one of the ways forward with this disability for me is to learn how to honestly express myself without distortion, and to do that constantly without regard for the fact that it causes me pain and discomfort. + + I used to cope with my issues by putting on a mask of a personality that I built using self help books and a desperate need for approval. Basically just the ‘fake it til you make it strategy’. Although I became more conventionally likable, it truly did not help in the long run as I was never able to get close to people. Now I am back to an ultimately isolated life. But I’m trying something different. + +It’s very challenging to me and not always doable but I think it is necessary. And that is to view socializing as a simple and honest expression of myself between others. When I have a thought or opinion or feeling, say it, put it out there in some way (for better or worse). Also, treat what others say as true expression of their being. This may sound silly but I think it is a subtle seeming thing that is actually big deal. + +As I said it’s challenging and not always doable, this is because +1. A deeply negative emotional and sometimes physical reaction to the idea of expressing most things in my mind for fear of embarrassment or rejection. +2. My brain going blank due to weariness and therefor not having anything to express. +3. The fact that isolation makes me depressed and lonely so the things on my mind can bring the vibe down. + +But regardless I realize that this is what I have to do, and that watching myself mindfully and purely expressing what’s on my mind is the only way forward. Usually what happens when I force something out is that I brace for impact. Brace for embarrassment, rejection, etc. Usually I assume that people are secretly embarrassed for me for whatever I said, but whether or not that is true isn’t important. + +I’ve been trying a lot of tools of expression such as music, writing, and drawing, and I think these are helping me learn how to express myself naturally. + +Anyway, I’m tired of pretending. Im not sure if I will ever be able to speak without fear and shame, but at least I won’t have to strain myself into a ‘safe’ caricature. Maybe this seems like crazy person thoughts but I hope someone relates or understands.",Expressing myself,3 +11,"It is not possible to know what it is like to experience the world from inside someone else’s body, but I can infer from others that people enjoy being with other people more than I do. + +It is rare that I enjoy a person’s company. Usually I look forward to being alone again. Instead of pleasure, I do feel an absence of loneliness or fear, but these are not pleasure. I very much experience health benefits from being with other people, I can’t deny this, but in the moment I feel like something important is missing. + +To say it different, I don’t feel a desire to be with others unless I am wanting to soothe or avoid loneliness or fear. By default, being alone is peaceful and ideal. + + +Is it really anhedonia, or is it also possible that my default is actually that the social anxiety overpowers the social pleasure so that I can’t feel feel. And it takes a really strong negative emotion to overpower social anxiety in order to provoke a desire to be with others. + +Wish I understood so that I could participate more in life.",An absence of social pleasure (social anhedonia),3 +12,"I'm 23 years old. + +I hope everyday that someone else than my mom would see me, find something they like about me and decide to brush me off and give me a piece of shelter. + +I've been through too much shit to start over with my family and I just want to feel like I matter and I can make a difference.",I dream that someone would adopt me.,3 +13,"Like breaking stuff that’s not yours, or forgetting to do something important. I’m a perfectionist and every time I screw up it kills my mood and sends me into a spiral of self loathing. Suicidal thoughts appear immediately. Can’t help but see myself as an anti-Midas, and that’s one thought that usually proves itself to be true. + +I just had a bit of a fuck up. Don’t care to go into detail about it, but moments like this are why avoidance makes sense. It never would’ve happened if I didn’t take the chance.",How do you deal with making mistakes?,3 +14,"so, throwaway because i’m afraid she might be in this sub. +before asking the real question, long story short (tldr at the end): + +so me (22m) and this girl (20f) matched on tinder a year ago, we want on a date and then she ghosted me the day after. +tried to talk to her one day after few months, got a single message reply and then she disappeared again. +at the end of last year i notice she was on hinge saying she broke up with her bf, so i started posting instagram stories that she might’ve been find interesting, and she started liking them, so after a while i reached out to her and wishing a happy new year. she seemed kinda interest, so we made plans for the following week. +she ghosted me again. i was disappointed. +after few days i noticed she had put me back in the close friends (she removed me from it after the first ghosting) so i thought “mh she might be to ashamed to write me back after all this time, i’ll reach out again” +and since then we never stopped talking anymore, but here comes the problem. +we just talked for a couple months, i tried not to push anything to don’t let her make uncomfortable and run away again, but she basically is just venting on me, and now she started venting also about “male friends” on and on, so i got suspicious, and i was right, she’s back on hinge with a fresh new verified and recently active profile. + +now here comes the problem, and i don’t mean her being on hinge, at least not directly. +-she’s in therapy and on meds, i’m pretty sure her therapist wouldn’t suggest her to be on hinge (correct me if i’m wrong). +-she said she couldn’t drink cause of meds and of med swings, but few days ago she started hanging out at night (she couldn’t do it before hanging out with me couple weeks ago) with “a male friend” and wanted to get drunk ( 🚩). +-she said she’s to anxious to hang out with people outta blue ( 🚩). +-we were talking about hanging out again, said she was super busy, got even more busy with college lessons, but she found the to hang out with somebody else, while i’m being her emotional support for the last 2-3 months +-didn’t text me back for couple days after hanging out with that guy + +so the real question is: how do i gently end up things with her? i don’t want to make feel her guilty, but i can’t keep stressing myself this much + +i thought she’d made progress with her therapist, but apparently she isn’t doing much of what they says, so i think she might be helpless and toxic, and mostly we aren’t on the same page, i truly love her and i think she knows but she’s playing with me and using me just to vent and for not feeling completely lonely + +TLDR after being ghosted multiple times with a girl with avpd, adhd and probably bpd too (i’m referring what she said to me), we seemed to bond for once, but she might be a toxic person and i don’t think i don’t want keep pursuing this anymore , i’d like to slowly walk away without hurting both of us. +she probably know i’m in love with her and she’s playing me. even if i’d come out and we’d make things work (quite impossible imho) i’m not sure she might be a good fit. + +-sorry for language mistakes and for the format, but i’m from mobile-",how to gently ghost an avoidant without making feel them guilty?,3 +15,"It honestly amazes me how similarly horrific my social experience with the second degree was even though I KNEW the pitfalls and tried my best. Granted, covid did happen as I started. Still don’t know if it could have been different for me, I’m bitter to say the least. + +Both times it was something like this: + +First year, I try to fit in but get all stressed out. People reach out a little, I either avoid it or get in the situation, act awkward and get back to avoiding. + +Second year, I get a nervous break down, heavy paranoia and practically speak to nobody. People stop reaching out. + +Third year, I feel a little better in a who cares anyway -kind of way, I try to act like a normal person again but people make an effort not to even come in contact with me. I feel like I’m still in quarantine, not even alone but like actually hated by a bunch of people even though I practically don’t exist to them.",I’ve got two degrees and both university experiences were almost identical in social sense,3 +16,"I’m not saying Elliott had AvPD, but as an AvPD-sufferer I feel like the lyrics in this songs fits to a lot of what’s going on in my life. I’m constantly guarding myself against other people’s love («your protection over their affection»), and basically alienating myself from them («Nobody broke your heart. You broke your own, cause you can’t finish what you start»).",Alameda by Elliott Smith and AvPD,3 +17,,Movies Movies Movies,3 +18,"I made plans with a girl and we wanted to meet. + +I decided to cancel it and I told her that I don’t feel good. Obviously she asked what is trying to get me as a some physical illness, but in reality depression is trying to get me. I mean I really don’t feel good I didn’t lie, it’s just not a physical illness. + +What I am suprised is that she instantly also said that we can meet next week. I thought she isn’t interested and she is just messing with me, that’s also reason why I decided to cancel. I don’t think that my depression will be cured until then.😕",I rejected her even though I wanted her,3 +19,thinking about dxxth a lot recently. How do I stop?,I’ve been,3 +20,"Context- when “normal” people interact with each other they speak and converse like they know eachother beforehand when they dont. But im always quiet and just silently looking at them? And like i know they notice it and sometimes they dont even want to interact because im so silent? + +Its like really hard to interact with when it’s about personal relationship. But when i have appointments its easier? + +(Extrovert/ normal idk What to Call it)",Why am i so weird and how to get better interacting with people?,3 +21,"Sometimes a song stops me in my tracks and [this is one of them](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WjxIuZVgjp8). + +My mother would tell me I’m exactly the same type of person as the lyrics of this song describe. She called me a sociopath, someone really sick in the head and not redeemable. That I tried to purposely ruin my family’s lives. Like I had a secret agenda that even I couldn’t know about. It’s been the foundation of all of my relationships with others, and helps explain why I get so nervous trying to get close with anyone. Trying to connect while thinking I’m secretly extremely evil and unlovable and that I’m taking advantage of everyone just by wanting to talk with them. That everything I say is actually ‘calculated’ and manipulative, despite me being unaware of this. That my side of the story isn’t just shameful and wrong, it’s *evil and vile.* + +Avoidant with BPD is contradictory hell. I’m hating closeness and trying to stay away but the other side of me is always getting too close in the relationships I can keep so they don’t leave me. I’m unbelievably stressed because I’m so close to disaster. I hate to vent to my best friend of several years because I feel like I’m being too greedy of her time. I feel like I’m “sucking off all the meat” of this relationship, taking up the space for my troubles, and then I don’t even improve. I know she’s going to leave when she discovers I’m actually a terrible person and that I don’t change. I can feel it creeping towards me and I want to die. + +I feel like she’s only my friend because she falsely believes I have potential. I feel like I’ve somehow manipulated her into thinking I’m a nice person. I feel like I’m so much worse than she thinks. I can’t understand why someone would care about me, other than they must be confused thinking of the wrong person. I can’t believe the situation I’m in. It happens every single time, and I never learn. + +I get her texts saying I need to try to get help and I just want to sink into the ground and die. I feel like I’ve done something really wrong and should stop talking to her. The answer is simple: stop avoiding therapy. Actually tell the therapist the truth. Everyone is sick of me including me.",Feel like a leech,3 +22,Who here has hypochondria?,Hypochondria,3 +23,Is Radiohead Creep the Anthem for AVPD or is our problem so much more comes?,Creep,3 +24,"I have had bad luck with therapists in the past but decided to try again. I am mainly going to overcome a fear of driving. I have driven before back as a teenager and the process was going well but there were some things that happened that then hindered it. Before in therapy, I didn't have specific goals and I don't think that helped.",My first therapy appointment in a long time,3 +25," +maybe this isn’t the best place to post this but literally why am I like this? I could’ve fucking died and I’m more scared of talking to people on the phone. maybe I’d find it a little funny if it wasn’t so pathetic. aren’t normal people supposed to be more traumatized about the actual crash/near death experience? meanwhile I’m over here basically having a panic attack over having to talk to people over the phone about it. this is ridiculous.",I got in a bad car accident the other day and the worst part is having to talk to insurance people on the phone🤦‍♀️,3 +26,"I have recently come across AvPD and I realized that I relate to almost all of the symptoms. First off, I’m very anxious in almost all social situations. This includes hanging around friends i’ve known for many many years, being around extended family (who i’ve also known for many years), being around coworkers, meeting new people, and even just going grocery shopping. + +I often try to avoid a lot of social situations which has definitely affected a lot of my relationships. I’m not very close with my friends or family anymore. I still hangout with them sometimes but it’s not on a very deep level. I don’t really open myself up to anyone. I’m scared of people figuring out my true personality and that they won’t like me for who I am. I hide lots of parts of my personality and not one person on this earth truly knows me. I’m close enough with my parents that I don’t get anxious around them, however I still hide many pieces of myself and don’t feel comfortable enough to show everything about myself. + +I have also struggled to find jobs that don’t make me anxious. It took me until I was 18 years old until I finally got my first job because of this. I currently work at a daycare and have worked here for about 7 months and my anxiety has seemed to get worse. I have been thinking about quitting for awhile now but am terrified of having the conversation with my boss about quitting. + +Whenever I’m at work, I feel inferior to everyone else. I feel like I have less experience, I overthink everything, and I am so awkward around my coworkers and parents. I feel like I’m incompetent and people don’t take me seriously because of my poor communication skills. My mind often goes blank when I’m asked questions and I don’t feel like I’m much of a help. I also try to focus completely on the kids and I would rather not form any real relationships with other coworkers. I try to keep conversations polite and small. I rarely talk about myself either, just enough to get by. I play it safe. + +I’ve always just felt like there was something wrong with me. Social anxiety kinda describes the way I feel but it seems like it’s more than just that.",I think I have AvPD (avoidant personality disorder),3 +27,"(finally found the will to post here after years of lurking) + +I’ve been living alone for all my adult years and I work from home. I don’t have any kind of social life and can easily spend several weeks without seeing or speaking to anyone. I do have family, but they all live far away and I don’t see them often. + +So sometimes I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I ever have a stroke or a heart attack, or if I fall down the stairs, or if I choke on some food… I often read about people being found dead in their home several years or even decades after they died, and deep down I’m convinced that’s how I’ll end up. It really makes me feel scared and helpless and I don’t know how to cope with it.",Anyone else terrified of dying alone?,3 +28,"I prefer males to answer this but if you feel it bothers you as a female too, plz feel free to choose as well. I kind of want to see if it may be a risk factor for this PD or if it’s irrelevant… and it bothers me a lot. Feel free to leave your thoughts below too. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/120kyg0)",What is your height?,3 +29,Omg I'm home. Finally a place I belong.,Who knew,3 +30,,How did you know you had/ve avoidant pd?,3 +31,"Does anybody else feel the need to fake yourself in front of others? + +I pretend to be happy and not depressed, because frankly, no one likes a depressed person. Even I know that. But beyond that, it’s like I have no personality. The only reason I can survive my office environment at work right now is because of an actual, real, and positive coworker. She has the personality that I wish I had, easy to talk to and very kind. But she’s leaving tomorrow. + +So I’ve been faking my entire self. Happy, smiling, and trying to make conversation when all I really want to do is shut myself in my room. What can I even do at this point? How can I maintain a normal relationship without having to be the fakest person in the world ????",Faking Yourself ?,3 +32,"One thing I'm aware of is after you've been disconnected from societal norms for a few years, it seems very difficult to return. I tend to stay away from looking at other people's lives, overall it is good but you also need an awareness of how far adrift you are and the standard you're compared against. + +The average person is socially active, whereas were disengaged. They have a constant stream of chores hobbies events plans, messaging circles. In a day some days I speak to no one and can't even find the motivation to do anything new, even something like watching a movie I can put off. My point is that after a while when you look at the ''activity level'' of a normal average person I just feel inadequate. This is made worse reinforced by the fact that whenever i do try connect with others I get rejected thats because they can sense pretty early I have nothing going on for myself in these social areas and I am not so much like them. And thats the catch-22 because people excluding you stops you ever having anything. + +I'm incapable of organising a fun life, things, like viewing someone in family gathering and getting along with large groups of people and creating a good impression, are intimidating,nearly impossible for me. I'm behind in career, life experiences, life skills, energy. It's just difficult to even get a footing, iv been cut away for so long and many types have closed the door on me","I'm screwed, maybe many of you are too?",3 +33,"Hi lovely community! I’m quite new on this forum! And just wondered if the origin of this is similar to what people refer to as an avoidant attachment style in which a lot of sources claim it’s due to neglect from parents in early childhood. + +What triggers avpd or what is the kind of trauma that sparks it? From what I’ve read so far it’s not something you are born with but rather develops with age? +Please correct me if I’m wrong!",Does avpd stem from childhood trauma?,3 +34,"Ever since I started going to the gym , I have fallen in love with it. I look forward to it everyday as it completely distracts me from whatever it is I might be dealing with in my head. I usually go in the evening and up until then I'm fine. But I swear that drive back from the gym and when I'm sitting in my room all alone, can be extremely excruciating sometimes. The anxiety feels like a balloon going up and up into the sky, eventually it will pop and come back down. It's just an awful feeling, and I feel it almost every time now. I wonder if anyone else has felt it or knows what I'm talking about? It's such a terribly lonely feeling I get. I think what really bothers me more than anything in my life is this belief I have that I am not a good person. I mean it's not like I'm cussing people out or being a dick to anyone. It's more like I treat people like they don't matter or mean anything to me, it's an extremely shitty thing to do. Like I see a lot of the same people every day, and I think normally this would result in you forming a bond with them slowly at least. But it's not like that, everyone that's not in my immediate family just gets kept at arm's length. Even then, the relationships I do have with my family almost seem to be held up by plastic and tape.",Anxiety after the gym,3 +35,,How to stop from sabotaging yourself?,3 +36,"Hey, so... I've made some realizations in the shower as I do what most of us do and plan out the conversations I'll be having in two weeks because I know it's going to happen and I need to be ready or I'll just clam up and nothing is going to happen. We've all been there, most of us are still there, let's talk about what I'm thinking about in this little vent sesh. + +Alright, so I was showering, thinking about how akward it's going to be when I tell my friends some secrets. Wow! I know, sharing secrets! It freaking sucks! + +So basically, I'm part of a church group, and these people are closer to me than my family because I don't like/trust my family and being around them is stressful. These friends that I hang out with all the time are my safe place and they make me feel...happy really. + +Though I don't share everything, these people are genuine and kind, and they always make me feel safe. It's just that, I am going on a mission trip with them this summer. Going to Africa, and it took them months to convince me to come with them. I still don't like the idea of going, but knowing that I'll be with them the entire time makes me feel much better. Besides, I used to fly a lot so the plane ride will be pretty nostalgic for me. + +So, as part of going on the trip, I have to do a few things. One thing that I have to do is research a topic on one part of the trip and give a presentation to oir team (9 people including me). I trust, love, and feel safe with everyone on this team, and all but one of them have been my closest friends for almost 2 years now. I couldn't ask for better friends. + +Anyways, the presentation I'm giving is in two weeks and I'll be discussing the entertainment part of the trip. Basically, I just have to research what kind of entertainment there is where we're going and make a small (mostly funny) slideshow. It doesn't even have to last 5 minutes, but honestly...this presentation is the least of my anxieties in this mess. + +Another thing that I'm going to have to do is share my testimony. That is essentially a summarized version of your life story. I'll have to talk about my troubles, my past, my family, all of it. And these are my friends, they'll know if I'm holding back. But it scares me so much! Half of them don't actually know I have avpd! They just know that I've been going to therapy for a while and that I started taking medicine. Though, the medicine is kind of iffy really. + +Anyways, I'm super anxious about it, especially since I did something similar last year, but that was at the height of my emotional suppression. This time last year, I was so empty and emotionless. But of course, nobody knew. I was always masking my emotions and faking a smile. I didn't even know I was doing it, and when I gave my testimony for last year's mission, it was incomplete and full of holes. I talked about my lack of friends, but I was blind to the emotional abuse and neglect from my parents and siblings because I had convinced myself that I was just weak and that my pain was normal and even less than what everyone else had to go through. + +But it's not like that, that's not how I should think about my past pain. It took so long for my friends to break my barriers, but they managed to do that and convince me to go to therapy. + + I'm much better now, but I'm also not suppressing my emotions. It was really hard at first because everything just hurt so much and it overwhelmed me. One moment I was putting on a face to fool everyone into thinking I was okay, but as soon as I was behind closed doors, I was hurting myself and cursing the world for letting my life be the way it was. + +The fact that I have to go and tell my friends how I've been feeling over the last year is overwhelming, but I am not allowed to go on this mission unless I share my testimony. It's only fair though, everyone of us is sharing our testimony, no matter how much it hurts, we're going to be here for each other. + + +If you've actually read this far, I just want to say thank you. You're a special type of person, and whoever is in your life is truly lucky to know someone like you. And if they don't understand that, then know that I am thanking you for the kindness you have done for me just by reading this. Thank you.",Storytime...,3 +37,"I recently got diagnosed with AVPD and I feel completely hopeless. This is me, and I will stay like this my whole life. Am I going to have girlfriends? Am I going to get my dream job? Have a fun life? Travel around the world? Apparently not. Apparently I'm just a guy who will stay in his room for the rest of his life and be perpetually awkward at social gatherings. +I'm 22 and I feel like I'm 60",Am I doomed?,3 +38,"Was scrolling on tiktok when I saw my previous school mate 2 years younger than me on my FYP. She's a famous race car driver representing our country all over the world. She now just recently joined an F1 school. I know money and her being a nepo baby (her father was also a race car driver before) helped her achieve big things, but she also wouldn't be where she is right now if she wasn't great. + +I just realized that I'm 2 years older than her and I'm about to repeat my last year of highschool (i dropped out this mid school year because of mental health reasons), and I still don't even know wtf I wanna do in life. + +My best friend is so fckin smart, she's studying right now to be a chemical engineer. My other best friend is also smart, all of his grade averages are 95+ (100 is the highest in my country). + +I'm surrounded by smart, and talented people with a future, people who will make a name for themselves and become rich in the future. People who have already carved their paths. While I'm here barely even making it through the day. I can't even go to school without wanting to off myself, while they're here working their ass off for their future. + +My best friends don't even know I already dropped out of high school. I'm too embarrassed to tell them. How can I tell them? They would be too embarrassed to have a highschool dropout as a friend. What am i even doing with my life? I always avoid things, things that make me feel uncomfy or unsafe. Now look where that got me. Stuck inside the house wasting my life away. I'm gonna be 20 in october, my teen years are finally over. I didn't even get to experience the things that teenagers are ""supposed"" to experience. I can't believe smart people like my friends are friends with someone as pathetic as me.",this disorder has stopped me from pushing myself for the better me.,3 +39,"This is an excerpt from the introduction of a book called *On The Outside Looking In* by Daniela Grazia, about her experiences with social anxiety. + +I’ve used it to describe my experiences to others, but I have both social anxiety and AvPD so I worry if I’m not explaining from the ‘correct’ side (?). I’m also a psychology student and find it interesting to try to distinguish the two. I suppose it only matters in my head, but it does matter. + +The quote (one long one, formatting issues): +>“It is a feeling that comes over me often, an old menace that stubbornly refuses to die. In classes, in coffee shops, in almost any activity where surrounded by potential friends. It is the profound feeling of alienness. + +>”At any moment in the group conversation, something in me snaps. I look around the table at the other people blissfully talking, and I do not feel like one of them. I am not one of them. I am different, a foreigner, an alien, a stranger in a strange land. + +>”And then the urge to run away, to hide, to be away from the people comes up. Sometimes I fight the urge and stay on, hiding my vast discomfort. Other times I do run away, cursing the cowardice and the shame, miserable in my misanthropy, but secure in my solitude. + +>”There is something in the faces, in the voices of the others that I do not have. They are into the conversation. They live outside themselves, I live inside myself. They talk, listen, and laugh; I think, listen, and smile. + +>”They are relaxed. I am not. I am never relaxed, except when I’m alone. Solitude is the only place where I can ever truly be known. + +>”Yet I am not content with this. For the real me is lonely, desperately lonely, longing for intimacy, friendship and love. I long to be able to relax, to laugh, to talk, and converse amiably with other human beings. But I cannot. I idealize them in private and fear them in public. + +>”Fear...fear drives the haunted mind. Fear tortures me, gnaws at me, and chases me from nearly everything I crave the most. But not even fear can conquer the longing, the desperate longing, the aching striving for meaning in life, for something other than the endless nights alone and unhugged, the dreams unshared, the life unnoticed. + +>”When I am alone, I wish I was other people. When I am with other people, I wish I was alone. This contradiction is slowly, but ruthlessly destroying my soul.”",Do you think this a good description of our experiences?,3 +40," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11yshfa)",How many people message you in an average day?,3 +41,"I've seen it recommended here often, and decide to check it. I'm only in the beginning but this book seems really misogynistic and like American conservative or something. I'm kinda want to dnf it but maybe there are something useful in it? What is your opinion if anyone read it?",Does anyone read book called No More Mr Nice Guy?,3 +42,"I am 22 years old and male. I was diagnosed when I was 18. I've also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I live with my parents and I am NEET. I did not go to college. I've spent the majority of my childhood and adolescence getting some kind of therapy and/or psychiatric help, but I stopped about a year ago because I realized it was not going to help me. I have very low energy and fleeting motivation, and day to day I can't consistently do the basic tasks of caring for myself and maintaining my living space, in other words, living like an actual adult. The main reason these things are so hard for me is that when I'm doing chores and things where my mind can wander, I keep thinking about things I don't want to think about. I remember in detail the moments when people have insulted me or been cruel to me, or times when I've embarassed myself or made a mistake, for years, and I relive them constantly, and the wounds are continuously reopened and never heal. I often freeze up when these thoughts strike me and sometimes it makes me curse or say things out loud when I know I'm alone. Sometimes these thoughts can be powerful enough to ruin a good mood and ruin my day. It can make completing simple tasks so painful that I avoid them entirely and my quality of life suffers greatly and it affects the people that I live with. I spend almost all of my time constantly trying to distract myself and escape from these thoughts. Can anyone relate? How can I function like this?",How can I function with unwanted thoughts that don't go away?,3 +43,"Take the test [here](https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new). DON'T - I REPEAT - DON'T TAKE THE TEST ON 16personalities. Highly inaccurate. All tests are, but whatever. Do it. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11z14d3)","Okay y'all, for science, what's your MBTI (PART 1)",3 +44,"Ever hate people because you can't ever be like them? I have this person in my class and she's so perfect, so put together, she makes me jealous. If I'm ever good at something she'll be better.... its like I can never be better than her in anything. I know I sound immature, dumb too but i needed to let this out.",Resentment,3 +45,"Congratulations on making this invaluable observation. You have successfully made it even more awkward for me now. + +And these creatures exist in every f***ing party.",Those extrovert specimens who take pride in publicly pointing out that I've been silent throughout the party deserve a special place in hell,3 +46,"Sorry, I'll try to keep it relatively short. + +I'm a 31-year-old male and I've never been diagnosed with AvPD, but while reading about the symptoms a month ago, things finally made sense to me why I act a certain way. I thought I just had some kind of social anxiety when I went to therapy several years ago, but I've felt that there has to be something else since I started feeling different in middle school. I've avoided people, responsibilites and have taken jobs where I can mostly avoid interpersonal communication. + +I do still have close friends, a great family and a girlfriend, but I still have this urge to self-isolate and be alone. However, I do try to help people whenever asked and I try to do well at my workplace. Right now, I have an opportunity to work longer at my current job and might even get a promotion 1-3 years along the line in a position that I could basically hold for the rest of my working life. But it would surely involve a lot more responsibilites, speaking another language I don't know too well (I live in a bilingual country, where I speak the minority language) a lot more and of course, a ton more interpersonal communication. I've searched and applied for other jobs recently because my current contract will expire in a few months. I'm much more inclined to take a temp job for 1 and a half year with something I like more and less interpersonal communication than a potential permanent job position. + +It probably sounds crazy for most people if they heard this, but this is genuinely how I feel. I let my feelings of inadequacy and wanting to avoid people control me instead of doing something that could secure my future. Is this at all relatable?",How common is this for people with AvPD?,3 +47,"I have AvPD and I am too afraid to ask for help. Even if I found the courage to find a therapist, I am a minor so I would also have to tell my parents (that just feels impossible). Do you guys have ideas of small steps I could take so I can work my way up to having the courage to get help? (I struggle with things like ordering food at restaurants so is there anything easier than that?)",Any advice is greatly appreciated,3 +48,"Where I am from, everybody is on Facebook. That anxiety inducing place, where I never feel safe and I feel hated, invisible and dumb. Lately I've been spiralling and posted sad, angsty posts to people who don't care about me. Thankfully, I got only 60 ""friends"". Facebook made me feel more alone. I'm disabled and I don't go outside and I struggle with texting. I just don't get it. I don't have the energy. I kept deleting my posts, feeling more ashamed. I need it for something that's work related and still ongoing. But enough. I don't care if everyone is there, I rather not feel like a burden and vent on Reddit. Having a profile with my name and face while I am utterly depressed? No thanks. It's not like I made any friends there. I really hope that my issues will be resolved and I won't go back and make a fool outta myself because no one cares.",Finally deactivated Facebook.,3 +49,"I have always dreamed, goal of mine to get away from my family and all people if I worked hard I could live by myself and never ever have any obligation to speak to another human being so long as I had my ducks in a row both financially and in general (think ordering groceries and just leave it at the door, tip well, go away). I'm getting older and I hate how much I keep needing to interact with people, I don't have anyone in my life other than my parents but even they are on my last tiny nerves... except we've been needing eachothers help a lot. + +They're old and need help, I'm getting older and sometimes need help when im getting sick or life happens. This flop era is turning into a flop lifetime. I'm drained seeing people. + +I just want to wake up 1 day in my own place and hear complete and total silence, never cross paths with another human being, never make eye contact or play the dumb game of ""social interaction"" and just have enough... stuff to get my needs met. Not even an escape I just want to exist solely.",I desperately wish/ want to live alone but physically/financially cant,3 +50,"I just really came across with this term avoidant personality disorder on Google by searching ""why do I want to be alone and live on my own away from others"" and I clicked on the very first article that came up. I couldn't give much clearer description of myself after reading the article and so I looked it up on reddit and surprisingly a subreddit exists dedicated to this. I desire to be alone and living on my own away from my family and people because I feel inhibited by them. I feel like I'm restricted and couldn't act my true self when I'm with them maybe because I'm afraid of being disliked by them? I'm not really sure and I'm still learning and knowing about myself. + +Am I the only one who feels this way?",Do you also feel this way?,3 +51,"They only problem is they never get to know me, because the only possible way they will is if I am forced to be in a situation with repeated exposure to them, in which case I become familiar and slowly open up over the span of a week or two. It's downright disturbing how many times this has happened in my life, and it's depressing to think that those opportunities are few and far between now that I'm out of the primary environment they occur (school). I was so desperate at one point that, despite having everything people normally strive for (great career, money, success, etc.), I thought about joining the army just to meet people... Holy shit what is wrong with me.",Once people get to know me they tend to love me...,3 +52,,A little heavy-hearted fun,3 +53,"Hey all, +I was just diagnosed with AvPD yesterday (along with some other things), and to be honest, I still feel a little shell shocked. I'm still learning more about the diagnoses obviously, but I wanted to ask what tips or lessons the community has for a newbie like me. What do you wish you knew when you were first diagnosed? I've been working on overhauling my brain for a few years, and I want to avoid falling into a trap where I just give up before I can fail (as it is my tendency to do).",New to the community/diagnosis,3 +54,"Disclaimer: I dislike dating app culture in general. There's a hell of a lot more to a person than a few pictures and prompts. + +\--- + +If I'm not attracted to someone then I won't swipe on them. If I am attracted to someone and there's even one thing on their profile that I lack or don't relate to then I won't swipe on them either. If there's someone I'm attracted to and there's nothing problematic in their profile, I won't swipe on them because I doubt they'll be interested in me. + +In the end this leaves a very very small pool of people which I guess makes the whole thing pointless?",Dating apps even harder with AvPD,3 +55,"Long story short, I felt tired and anxious and wanted to go home and skip one class. I didn't show up for this class in forever and didn't turn in much work, so she was worried I'd procrastinate like I did in 1 semester and fail. + +When I said I'll probably skip again, she looked at me with so much disappointment, and said ""I really should stop caring about people that much"". + +It didn't register then, but it hits me now how hurt I am from her words. It feels like I'm not doing good enough, and I probably am not. So that day I forced myself to sit through the class and even showed some progress to my professor. But I can't get the look on her face out of my mind. + +To be fair to her, I said I needed to leave in a kinda joking manner because that's my coping mechanism. So maybe she didn't think I felt as horrible as I did and thought i wanted to skip to avoid work.",My friend expressed that she is disappointed in me.,3 +56,"It was my birthday the other day and it was a bit depressing. I spent it in the house eating a frozen pizza (it was good though lol) I didnt really do anything besides that and eating some cheesecake (also good). I was hurt that nobody wanted to celebrate with me besides my mom + +I dont have many friends besides a few online friends, and lately i feel like they're distancing themselves from me and I deal with rejection sensitivity and along with the avpd I feel like its all eating away at me. When I see my friends talk to eachother or plan things without me, it honestly hurts me and makes me want to cry. My friend says everybody cares and loves me, but in my avpd brain its not true and that they all would be happy if i was out of their lives + +To make this worse, my therapist is moving soon and im scared i wont be able to find another therapist, especially someone as nice and understanding as them. She has helped me with a lot, and im scared i wont be able to find someone as nice and supportive as her. The last time i had a therapist who knew of my avpd, they screamed at me and said i couldnt be helped... + +This is all just making me feel hopelessly depressed and feeling rejected 🫠",Feeling down lately,3 +57,,Filled out some of those bingo memes to see how much I’ve improved over the past 4 years. First picture is always now,3 +58,"i'm 18 and have never gone to therapy or received any help and i really want to try it out but i'm so terrified of it and keep thinking things such as, 'what if i misinterpret a question and answer ""wrong""' or that i will waste their time by not being completely truthful. i very very rarely open up to anyone and when i do i have the sudden urge to cut off all contact with them which would obviously not be very useful with a therapist. i did once apply for therapy for social anxiety but cancelled the process just as i got to the last step because i convinced myself i was faking it. i want help and i don't want things to get worse but i don't know how to go about it. + +any advice on how to overcome this fear or services available that i should start with? +(i'm from the uk btw)",how to get over fear of therapy/getting help,3 +59,"Take the test [here](https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new). DON'T - I REPEAT - DON'T TAKE THE TEST ON 16personalities. Highly inaccurate. All tests are, but whatever. Do it. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11z17zj)","Okay y'all, for science, what's your MBTI (PART 3)",3 +60,"Take the test [here](https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new). DON'T - I REPEAT - DON'T TAKE THE TEST ON 16personalities. Highly inaccurate. All tests are, but whatever. Do it. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11z16lg)","Okay y'all, for science, what's your MBTI (PART 2)",3 +61,"Hi all! I'm new to this subreddit, I was recently diagnosed with AvPD. I'm trying to understand it and come to terms with it. + +The thing is, I don't have social anxiety in terms of not wanting to spend time with people at all... when it's about folks I know, like my colleagues and friends, I'm even more-than-average social. + +However, I do notice that I'm... slow in social interactions. I mean that someone will say something and my brain shuts down and I can't answer properly in the moment. Or I can't hear someone properly but I'm too afraid to ask them to repeat themselves (?!) so I just kinda freeze and/or act as if I heard what they said and the conversation goes on. Then later I think of a ""correct"" reaction and can't for my life understand why I shut down during the convo and couldn't just think of this reaction then. + +This happens with friends too, although it's more common with folks I'm not that comfortable with. Is this an AvPD thing or just a ""me thing""? + +TL;DR Is shutting down during conversations and only thinking of a proper reaction later an AvPD thing?",Is freezing during a conversation an AvPD symptom?,3 +62,"My brain is broken. I’m incapable of creating and maintaining close relationships, either out of some awkward self-consciousness or fear. That’s pretty much all there is to it. + +The fact that I seem pretty normal/smart/athletic on the outside only makes things worse. People have expectations for me socially and I obviously don’t meet them. So what’s their conclusion? He’s weird, something must be off about that guy. How can he have all this stuff but be so strange. + +They’ll never understand I just want to experience life like they do, lol. I’m forever the empath that can’t make a life with other people.","“You’re still single man? What’s a young, good looking guy like you doing wrong?”",3 +63,"Hi there. I have been depressed since I was 12 years old. I am now 28. I also struggle with BPD, social anxiety and Avoidant Personality Disorder, afraid to leave the house by myself, reliant on my 66 year old mother to pay my medical insurance, and my husband is working full time barely keeping us afloat. I have tried and tried to work. Several different fields. Even part time. It always ended up in burn out and felt more depressed and anxious so I had to quit. I am worried, I feel my future is really hopeless. I love my husband so much. We wanted to have a family and it's feeling like that won't happen because of my mental health and the low money thing. I am afraid he will abandon me because of all this though deep down really don't feel like he will because he has been here through everything. + +I know that is so much. That is definitely something to be grateful for. But we fight a good bit because we're both so stressed out. + +Nothing really brings me happiness except substances, (and that leads to bad feelings when it wears off or sometimes when on them) and I've been mostly sober for a year. + +I see a therapist. I take medications. I just... I am not content in life. I am constantly worried about everything. I constantly feel like I'm worthless and my husband deserves someone more stable that he doesn't essentially have to be a caregiver to at times. I stay in bed about 70% of my days because I feel like things are so hard to do and feel so pointless. + +I don't have many friends and live in a small town, so there aren't any meetup groups or anything. And since I don't work and am not in school, no opportunities to make many friends. I do have one so I can try to branch out with her friends maybe. It feels like life is just about working. And I feel so depressed by the state of everything, and by my worries that things won't improve in the future. + +Things don't get better. Not if you don't work for them. And I have worked, I've tried so many treatments, but the one thing I rarely do is go out in the world. + +And I don't know if I can do that without a lot of help that I don't know if I can find. + +Please if you can relate at all, or have any advice, please please respond. <3 I'm desperate.","My future feels so hopeless. I'm 28 years old, my resume is useless, haven't worked in 2 years, and I am very avoidant of the world",3 +64,"I try to be an early bird and probably feel a bit more human when I am but it's definitely more natural for me to be awake in the early hours of the morning and wake up later in the day. + +Thought it was worth asking to see whether most are night owls in an attempt to avoid life? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11y8hsd)",What are your waking habits like?,3 +65,"I am turning 17 in a month and a half and I suspect myself of having AvPD, I am trying to do more research on the disorder, I am not going to self diagnose, but I am hoping people who are diagnosed can tell me more about the traits and what its like having AvPD.",I suspect myself of having AvPD,3 +66,"One problem I have with criticism, and people offering it, is that I've heard it already. A lot. From myself. I think the worst things about myself to myself constantly. + +The other night, I told myself that I'm nothing more than potential. The reason I'm lonely is because no one wants to wait around for me to finally decide to be a reality. Im walking-empty promises. That encompasses a lot. So when someone wants to ""tell me about myself"", it feels like a rerun. And they hate that. Hate that they can't get their issue off, or add their redundant nugget of truth. + +Idk if that's part of avpd. And its coming off as arrogant. It's not the critiscm itself. I don't mind. More fuel for the fire. It's the attitude that erupts in response to me being unphased. I always feel like I'm preparing myself for the worst possible things so I'm not as affected when they happen. Being one step ahead of anyone trying to hurt me. + +Sorry if this has been discussed. I'm in and out a lot.",Inner monologue is brutal,3 +67,"i'm 18 and have never gone to therapy or received any help and i really want to try it out but i'm so terrified of it and keep thinking things such as, 'what if i misinterpret a question and answer ""wrong""' or that i will waste their time by not being completely truthful. i very very rarely open up to anyone and when i do i have the sudden urge to cut off all contact with them which would obviously not be very useful with a therapist. i did once apply for therapy for social anxiety but cancelled the process just as i got to the last step because i convinced myself i was faking it. i want help and i don't want things to get worse but i don't know how to go about it. + +any advice on how to overcome this fear or services available that i should start with? +(i'm from the uk btw)",how to get over fear of therapy/getting help,3 +68,"It's not like it's hard for me to make friends, but keeping them seems almost impossible. I inevitably just stop messaging because it feels too difficult. I hate that I'm like this because I desperately do need connection, but I can never hold onto something once it's there.",Why do I keep letting friends go,3 +69,"i’ve spent so much of my life feeling like a complete freak who doesn’t fit in anywhere, it’s made me avoid social situations and relationships because i’m so terrified of someone realising i’m not normal and hating me for it - then in turn missing out on those experiances & relationships just makes me feel even more like an outcast who shouldn’t exist + +i’ve tried on so many hats for why i feel like this (social anxiety, autism, cptsd, etc etc) but they never fit right and i just feel so much more shame. then i stumbled on an infographic about personality disorders, looked up this sub and everything written here felt so familiar. so much of my anxiety came from feeling like i was alone in my experiences so it’s so comforting knowing all of you are here and exist somewhere in the world. + +i just wanted to say thank you all 💛",reading through this sub feeling like i fit in for the first time in my life,3 +70,So from what i have read seems like AVPD is the only pure ego-dystonic personality disorder and usually personality disorders are seen as a flaw in someone's personality and are ego-syntonic in nature but in the case of AVPD seems like no one likes to have this condition. So why isn't AVPD considered a mental illness because the symptoms of someone with AVPD seems to match up with different things like social anxiety and extreme low self esteem? Like the symptoms are basically the same in a lot of ways.,Why is AVPD considered a personality disorder and not a mental illness?,3 +71," I met this guy on vacation, and we hung out for two days at the pool. I'm a very socially anxious person, but with him, I felt like I'd known him for years. One night, he told other teenagers that he liked me. They told me, and they were hyping me up saying stuff like ""oh look your boyfriend's here"". I was so excited. I never had a guy like me before. I was bullied at school for being the quiet kid in class, and I would run to my parents, hoping they'd comfort me. But they'd get mad at me for being so quiet and they'd blame me too. I used to go up to my room at night and sing myself to sleep ""someday, my prince will come"". Now he was finally here. So I went up to him and asked him if he liked me. He told me he had a girlfriend, and got mad at our friends for telling me. + +He cut off contact with with me. I was so sad that the one person who saw me for the good I have to offer, still gave it up. They broke up two months later, and he looks at my social media. We're not in contact, but according to my friend, a playlist on his Spotify was made as a birthday present to me. But I don't forgive him. I’m not angry at him for being loyal. I’m angry at him for thrusting me into this situation. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him, but I was the one that suffered the greatest. He got to choose between two girls. His girlfriend is a victim too, but at least he tried to make things okay with her. And me? I had no intention of getting in the way of a relationship. I just thought I finally fell in love.",I hate myself so much,3 +72,"It seems superficial almost but my severe acne is contributing a lot to my avoidant tendencies right now. I'm doing everything in my power to treat it: dermatologist, prescription acne cream, antibiotics, clean bedding, clean diet, daily showers, face wash etc. It just seems to get worse every day and it is some of the worst I've seen. I'm talking big red cysts. At this point I'm convinced my lithium is causing it. + +I was making decent progress too. I was going to groups and started volunteering to get out of my house and around people again. I'm trying to work up to going back to work. But I just can't bring myself to keep volunteering looking like this. If I go out of my comfort zone while constantly concerned about how I look and feeling gross I feel as though I'm doomed to fail. If my mental state begins to slip it triggers my hyperhidrosis and then I pretty much have to bail. + +I'm kind of just stuck in a period of regression after making some strides. I don't know what to do it just feels hopeless. Between severe cystic acne and hyperhidrosis it is so fucking difficult to put myself into social situations. It's much safer to just hide away and wait it out but each day that passes is another day I've lost.",Appearance and AvPD,3 +73,"I never let the ppl I talk to know this. That would just be manipulative and rude, but even if we been texting for years, good friends, and have been in a nonstop convo the past 5 hours, my heart still races when they take longer than usual to respond. I think oh fuck, I said something wrong. I always say something wrong. I can't ever say anything right. I'm such a- + +Then they'll reply. I chide myself for being so silly. Then do the same thing 40 more times within the same conversation. You'd think being proven wrong so many times would fix it, but no. I always think, ""Ah, *this* is the time I fucked up. All the others were false alarms, but I've really done it now."" Rinse repeat.",Respond to my text immediately or I'll think I said something wrong,3 +74,I can't market myself anymore. I can't pretend that I have more going for me than I do. I just can't.,I can't pretend anymore.,3 +75,"I’m always gonna be like this. Even with years of therapy and meds, even while on copious amounts of confidence enhancing and anxiety reducing drugs, I’m still too socially anxious and awkward. Sure I can force myself to socialise but I can’t force myself to enjoy it, or force myself to relax and just be myself. The fact that this shit isn’t getting any better no matter what I try is so demoralising, it makes everything else pointless, having severe avpd/social anxiety really does infect every little area of your life. I can’t hold a job, I can’t make friends, I haven’t talked to a girl in years, never mind having a relationship. My anxiety is so bad I get second hand anxiety watching people interact on a tv screen, or hearing others use voice chat in video games. + +And as I said, sure I could force myself to ‘get out there’ and maybe make friends or a gf, but I can’t force myself to enjoy being around them. I’d be constantly stressed out, tense, unable to relax. I’d have nothing in common with them, I only ever feel comfortable alone. Living with a brain like this is like torture, craving connections and feeling horribly lonely but being unable to actually make any connections or function in a social situation. I’m technically an adult but I have no independence, I still feel like a child, and I know for a fact that if I keep on going my future is nothing but boring, bleak and lonely. What’s the point of going to an awful, stressful job everyday if my days off are just as bad. My ‘hobbies’ are just escapism, I don’t even enjoy anything anymore, I’m just so tired, I really don’t see the point in going on when my brain is this fucked up and my future is inevitably empty and alone. I’m barely in my 20s but I’m certain I won’t make it to 30, it’s so crazy how fucked up i am, avpd is so awful, it robs you of a basic human need but still leaves you with the desire for it. A longing hunger that can never be sated, the empty void inside my only gets bigger, things are only getting worse. No heartbreak or feeling of loss, nothing to even look back on, there’s just nothing. There has always been nothing, my life is empty and always will be",The worst part is the lack of hope,3 +76,"I've always wondered if this is something AvPD adjacent. + +* Mushishi + +* Kino's Journey + +* Spice and wolf + +* Girl's last tour + +* Serial Experiments Lain + +They are not really related in any genre way but all feature some sort of disconnect with the MCs and the rest of the world. It's like you're just traveling through it and never really putting down roots but instead just observing for a while and then moving on, they all sort of have this somber undertone that you're not really a part of the world and just experiencing small parts of it. + +Most of them feature a pair traveling together which makes it feel less lonely but Mushishi only has the MC and that's the one that feels closest to AvPD in a weird way in my mind. + +Does this make sense?","This is a bit of a weird question, but does anyone else relate a lot to these anime titles? (Mushishi, Kino's Journey etc)",3 +77,"I volunteer at a place that I like to help out at despite my debilitating anxiety because I like helping people (plus It’ll help me gain credit for my future job) but for a few days I didn’t show up due to sickness. Now i’m supposed to text them when I don’t show up, my manager? boss? made that very clear. She even gave me her personal email to text because she understood that I absolutely couldn’t take phone calls due to anxiety. Now I may or may not have just skipped that part as I’d hate to bother them with a text plus it’s embarrassing. So basically my school counselor (who is in contact with my manager) comes up to me and tells me that my manager was very upset and direct that I can’t keep not notifying them when I can’t go and I have one last chance or she’d rather have me not help out at all. This of course (I soooo badly wanna say traumatized, because it feels that way but i’ve experienced trauma before to know that this experience wasn’t actually traumatic) really hurt me. All I wanted to do was help. I just wanted to be useful to someone for once and all I did was end up being a burden. I hate myself for this i’m scared to even go in again. If I can’t even hold a volenteer position, i’m sure as hell aren’t ever going to be able to get a real job when I get older. I fucking hate this disease, it’s taking my life away.",All I am is a useless burden,3 +78,"Wanna preface this by saying that I'm not diagnosed nor do I self-diagnose. It's just that I can relate to some of the symptoms and people here, and I'm wondering if anyone can relate to my feelings. + +I feel insane sometimes. I feel really neurotic, paranoid, insecure, and immature sometimes. When I don't think about memories or people that upset me, I'm fine. These past few months I've been slowly recovering from this horrible depression that's plagued me for a while, but in these past few days it's been returning as I start thinking about these bad memories again. + +I feel traumatized and like I'm a victim of something I can't understand. Like I'm alone in this pain. The thing is that my ""trauma"" is really just a dozen or so bad interactions I had in my old circle of friends. In particular, there was this one person who I had a handful of unpleasant interactions with. These were mostly brief exchanges that shouldn't have affected me as much as they did, but they felt really, sincerely resentful and unwarranted. What did I do? I didn't know how to stand up for myself, and nobody did for me. + +This person lashed out at me, calling me insecure and afraid a couple of times, and said some horrible things about people with my disability. They're ableist and, honestly, that group as a whole was too. Not out of malicious intent but ignorance. + +This person wasn't wrong, but the way they treated me didn't help. Seeing those criticisms mirrored by others a couple of times made me feel even more weak, because I knew I was being talked about behind my back. And when I did eventually see how this person talked about me behind my back, it felt nasty and unwarranted. + +Still though, it feels so fucking stupid man. I don't know why I let this hurt me. It's been months since I stopped talking to those friends, a few years since those bad exchanges occured, and it still affects me. I never met a person who exhibited such resentment for me in my life, seemingly for no justifiable reason. It really hurt my self-esteem and it still does. + +When I think about those friends for too long I start to say things like ""I wanna die"" to myself, like a tic. It's so stupid and I feel like a horrible person for this. For feeling such disproportionate hurt over a dozen or so bad memories. When I don't think about this stuff I begin to feel more ""normal"" again though. + +Sorry that this is so long but I'm just wondering if anyone can relate. If not, sorry for wasting your time. I hope this isn't considered off-topic since I'm undiagnosed. But yeah, I feel really pathetic about this side of myself. Maybe I'm just highly neurotic, I don't know. I just wish I could understand what's wrong with me.",Just venting,3 +79,Do you prefer your sexual partner to be a dom(me)? Please elaborate.,Boudoir sexytime dynamics,3 +80,"... Like an actual phone call conversation. It felt really good! + +Sending good vibes to everyone here in this subreddit 🤗",Talked to a friend for the first time in over a month,3 +81,I often fantasize comitting suicide.. its bad but I feel this is only way out. All my life since I was a little I've been incredibly distressed and downtrodden and broken inside. Been longing for a break from all the misery but it has never occurred. The only thing that's keeping me a little hopeful is telling myself that everything has an End. What I experience has an end whether My life will improve or simply just Die. Either way I welcome it.,Everything has an End,3 +82,"Trigger warning. Mention of Eating disorders and suicide. + +A month ago my brother was talking about how he just turned 30. He was saying how he didn’t look 30 and he pointed to me and said “he looks older than me”. I’m 24. It felt like a stab in my heart. Ever since I’ve barely left the house. I wasn’t trying to date before that but now I’m not even going to try. I feel suicidal now and I don’t feel like life’s worth living. I’m old looking for my age so I should just give up. That comment is running through my mind 24/7. It’s torture. I feel so embarrassed. +If my brother knew what that comment did to me, it would suck. I’m so angry but hurts. It’s not really his fault how I feel but why did he say that. I’ve struggled with eating disorders my whole life. I get anxious seeing my brother because I’m scared of what he will say. Everything reminds me of that comment. I have barely been eating. It just reminded me why I shouldn’t leave the house because other people will think the same. + +It feels like such a stupid reason to be suicidal over but it’s taking every bit of my energy not to do it everyday. How am I meant to go through life if a silly comment like that has gotten me like this. How do I get over it? I’m not strong enough to go through life.",Does anyone find it so hard to get over a comment/criticism to the point they feel suicidal?,3 +83,"I don't feel like putting in the work anymore. + +I know some of you will say ""no one will save you, you have to save yourself"". + +But that's just not true. I have saved three people I called friends before from terrible, terrible things. + +But I don't know if anyone will want to save me. + +I don't have any energy within myself to give out anymore. + +I don't have any resources, material or otherwise, to give anymore. + +In short... I don't think I'm profitable enough to be helped anymore. + +I'd lose you more money than I'd make you.",I don't know if I truly deserve to get better.,3 +84,https://open.spotify.com/show/5WI3mYjRpKXQJHjt0W12e9,Link to AvPd Podcasts,3 +85,I'm a black male an have ocd I don't leave the house at all an can't function I made terrible mistakes doing things that are low class.,Anyone here in nyc,3 +86,"An article I wanted to share with you all to read. Thought it might bring more awareness for yall, especially for the ones who are unofficially diagnosed and highly suspect they may have it. Although I have enough clarity to know I have it (undiagnosed), this is hands down the best breakdown and description of each possible symptoms that come with it. Never heard it like this before. It's not like your typical DSM-5 avpd symptoms that are more generalized and broad. This is more in depth and even more eye opening since I resonate so much with all of them. I'm so bored, just wanted to share something. Here's the link to it 👇🏽 + +https://avoidants.org/symptoms-of-avoidant-personality-2/","More Clarity, Insight, & Awareness",3 +87,"Hi, + +24-year-old male with AVPD here. For some time I have noticed that contacts with other people (in my case only at work) began to bring me pleasure. I've also become more relaxed and when I'm around people I don't worry as much about how they react to what I say. At the same time, a desire for more close relationhips arosed in me. This desire applies both to finding a partner and friends. I just want, as real as never before in my life, a simple conversation with another person and intimacy. + +However, I don't know how to achieve this. I've finished my education and I don't have any social hobbies (the gym can be considered as such, but I still can't find a way to start naturally a conversation with other people there). I'm starting to get annoyed with this situation, because certainly something has changed in my attiude and I truly want to form some relationships outside of my work environment. I think I'm ready to get out of my comfort zone step by step, but I don't know how to do it. + +One way to do it is to start dating. Finding a partner is something that I want very strongly and I think love is something I'm capable of. The thing that's holding me back from making that move though (other than, well... the lack of photos to use on dating apps) is knowing that I'll be too much of a burden for her not having other relationships. Perhaps there is also an element of shame in not having any friends. I am not sure… + +Have any of you reached such a point on your journey to ""normality""? I'm not sure if I'm over-analyzing everything and if I shouldn't just do what I feel regardless of my doubts. In my case, finding friends seems to be something more distant at the moment and I don't know how I could achieve it. However, I will be grateful for every piece od advice!",Seeing some progress but feeling stuck.,3 +88,"Not sure if it’s an AVPD thing, but growing up I told a string of lies to all of my (very few) friends. It weighs on me almost daily. Some were *really* horrible, like going blind by 30 or refusing to help my cousin during an overdose as a child. Of course that’s not real. I can’t believe I said those things to people, but it felt like the only way at the time. + +Through a lot of reflection, I realized that I expected rejection and wanted to control it. I wanted to make them see me as a bad person, because I didn’t deserve them. But nothing in my life (that I understood at the time) was damaging enough to cause these problems. My family taught to me early on that if you’re not doing hard drugs or jumping off the bridge, it’s not a valid mental health condition. I didn’t think I had any reason to have the problems I did, so I had to give people ‘fake reasons’ to make them believe it, because my parents told me that’s the only way. + +Also somewhat of a test, like if they stay for this horrible person I’m pretending to be, they’ll surely stick around for who I actually am if that’s better. And it’s not hard to be better than that, given the severity of the lies I told. If they leave, then I’ll have been in control of the rejection. And they’re not reacting to the ‘true me’ anyway so the judgement doesn’t hurt as badly. Avoiding the spotlight by pretending to be another person.",Anyone else lie as a child?,3 +89,"My mom is a very caring and emotional person and she's never been mean or rude in any way. However, she never believes me when I say that to her. She's struggling with loving herself and believes that no one loves her and can help her. And because of that she has resorted to drinking. +Because of her disorders, she constantly bullies herself every day on everything she does and thinks she's the worst person alive. She's very sensitive too, so one little thing can ruin her day and cause her to drink. + +My parents are separated but they’re both on good terms and still talk. +On top of that, I’m struggling with myself too and I think I’m stressing her out. I'm only 14 so what can I do to help her? She tried many antidepressants and other treatments but said that none works. Compliments doesn’t work either since she never believes me. +I always worry she's going to do something bad to herself one day.",My mom has Avoidant and dependent personality disorder and I don't know what to do.,3 +90,"Hey all, I was diagnosed with AvPD quite recently (and finally I guess) after all those years spent in confusion what is wrong with me. I finally got an appointment at psychologist, we were doing for the first few hours screening process, turned out I do have AvPD and I met all necessary criteria for being diagnosed with BPD. Also he mentioned that I do have some symptoms of schizophrenia and narcissistic personality. But after I read his diagnosis this evening, he wrote that I have ‘Other personality disorder’. Which idk how I feel about that. Like I do not belong to anything even in this. And when I started to talk to him about feeling really depressed, and about my suicidal thoughts earlier today, he just said that we will talk about it next time, in a two weeks. And I am so confused about this, like no one really care, especially with the suicidal thoughts. And feeling I do have no one to talk. Or maybe I don’t want to? I don’t know. But this is making me super super lonely and more depressed. No one really cares..",AvPD diagnosed recently,3 +91,"Apart from moving many times during childhood and teenage years I have one parent who was Jewish and one who was Hispanic/Puerto Rican. They divorced when I was young (Stevie Wonder could see that one coming) and as a result I never felt like I belonged with any community. I never learned Spanish, never really learned all that much about being Jewish or Puerto Rican (my mother was Americanized) except the basic stuff. I was also too isolated to feel like a belonged to the average American culture in general and never really picked up on all the pop-culture that went along with it. I've always felt like an outcast and outsider partly because of this. Although at the same time I feel like I'm a failure/coward because I see many people who are part of a minority group who are able to handle themselves just fine and I'm white on top of that so I didn't really have it that hard. You can tell I may be Jewish because of some of my facial features (lol) and I was sometimes teased and bullied in school/work because of it but it's never been as bad as someone who is for example dark skinned and has a foreign accent. Even then I feel people like that had their own community to fall back to though and I feel lost almost. Idk, forgive my rambling... Just want to put this out there and wondering if others are the same way. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wkyz3)","Anyone else from a minority community, nationality, ethnic group, religion, or race and feel like an outcast everywhere?",3 +92,,When you’ve fully exhausted your partner,3 +93,"Apart from moving many times during childhood and teenage years I have one parent who was Jewish and one who was Hispanic/Puerto Rican. They divorced when I was young (Stevie Wonder could see that one coming) and as a result I never felt like I belonged with any community. I never learned Spanish, never really learned all that much about being Jewish or Puerto Rican (my mother was Americanized) except the basic stuff. I was also too isolated to feel like a belonged to the average American culture in general and never really picked up on all the pop-culture that went along with it. I've always felt like an outcast and outsider partly because of this. Although at the same time I feel like I'm a failure/coward because I see many people who are part of a minority group who are able to handle themselves just fine and I'm white on top of that so I didn't really have it that hard. You can tell I may be Jewish because of some of my facial features (lol) and I was sometimes teased and bullied in school/work because of it but it's never been as bad as someone who is for example dark skinned (in a western country) and has a foreign accent. Even then I feel people like that had their own community to fall back to though and I feel lost almost. Idk, forgive my rambling... Just want to put this out there and wondering if others are the same way. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wl0eu)","Anyone else from a minority community, nationality, ethnic group, religion, or race and feel like an outcast everywhere?",3 +94,"I feel like I've had to manually learn this from YouTube, Psychology books, Sociology books, etc. rather than just innately know it.",Anyone here feel like they have to be explicitly told what the social dynamics are?,3 +95,,Anyone else only care about appearance when out in public? Or is that a body dysmorphia thing?,3 +96,"I have a few university exams coming up that I'm not comfortable with taking and have no confidence of doing well in. I don't want to do them and the thought of preparing for them is absolutely exhausting, partly because I feel like I have a lot to learn and even starting is hard. I just can't face it. + +So with that in mind, I'm just avoiding my life and throwing myself into relentless scrolling on the likes of reddit and watching YouTube videos and basically becoming a robot. I'll probably cram in a load of information and ruin my sleep in the build up to the exam after wasting all this time. + +I don't know if it's a defence mechanism preparing for failure or what but it's fucking debilitating and I'm tired of it.",Completely shut down when I know something uncomfortable is coming up,3 +97,"I completely shut off due to my anxiety and depression. It’s hard to not avoid avoid avoid and feel like a burden especially when you have people you love and know care about you. My heart and mind conflict so much because I’m so sensitive and I’ve just built a wall after years of negative feelings and rejections but my heart wants the exact opposite. And I get so lonely dealing with depression alone wondering why do I have to deal with this all the time, but it hurts the most to be going through it and hurt the people you really love, like I don’t want to be a burden anymore but it’s easy to feed the demons that are telling you to avoid avoid avoid and the fear. I know other people are going through things too and I’m not good enough to even be there for them.",Being a toxic person to others and wishing they didn’t have to deal w/ you because of it,3 +98,Someone called me cute this morning and now I'm having ice cream for breakfast. I hope this vibe sticks for the rest of the day. Just wanted to share this in hopes that it makes someone smile.,Focusing on a positive,3 +99,"Apart from moving many times during childhood and teenage years I have one parent who was Jewish and one who was Hispanic/Puerto Rican. They divorced when I was young (Stevie Wonder could see that one coming) and as a result I never felt like I belonged with any community. I never learned Spanish, never really learned all that much about being Jewish or Puerto Rican (my mother was Americanized) except the basic stuff. I was also too isolated to feel like a belonged to the average American culture in general and never really picked up on all the pop-culture that went along with it. I've always felt like an outcast and outsider partly because of this. Although at the same time I feel like I'm a failure/coward because I see many people who are part of a minority group who are able to handle themselves just fine and I'm white on top of that so I didn't really have it that hard. You can tell I may be Jewish because of some of my facial features (lol) and I was sometimes teased and bullied in school/work because of it but it's never been as bad as someone who is for example dark skinned and has a foreign accent. Even then I feel people like that had their own community to fall back to though and I feel lost almost. Idk, forgive my rambling... Just want to put this out there and wondering if others are the same way. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wkz3v)","Anyone else from a minority community, nationality, ethnic group, religion, or race and feel like an outcast everywhere?",3 +100,"As someone with AVPD, I don't date much, and I just want someone who will be loyal to me. It's very clear that he's attracted to me. I'm attracted to him too, but everyone says that I'm way too pretty for him. About two weeks into us knowing each other, he shared a really intimate story of a traumatic experience that happened to him. He’s a empathetic person that cares for other people, but he gets angry over minor things. I'm 95% sure he's gone to therapy, because even though he will explode at the most random times, there'll be other times when he's really good at conflict resolution. + +Before we dated, I invited him to my birthday party. Supposedly, a few weeks before, he was flirting with me, but I didn’t pick up on it. So when I invited him, it confused him. He thought I was giving him mixed signals. On his Twitter (that I don’t follow), he was saying stuff like “playing with people’s feelings is bad” and “disloyal people annoy me”. The next several weeks, he gave me the cold shoulder and really did not want to talk to me. + +He’ll also roll his eyes or grunt over relatively things that really aren’t a big deal. Sometimes I wonder if the thing that I did even warranted a sigh or eye roll. I’m just wondering, if I got into a relationship with him, would it get worse? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wb7hk)",Do you think he might be abusive?,3 +101,"i guess i have multiple friends, but i've only ever thought of 2 of them as ""close friends."" the rest i don't really talk to a lot. but i try so hard to connect with them and get closer to them, but it just feels weird and forced and i can clearly tell that it's unreciprocated. it just makes me want to give up. + +and now i'm starting to realize that with even one of my closest friends, we may not even actually be as close as i thought we were. we rarely if ever talk and when we do it's usually just short convos or in a group chat, and i'm always the one that has to initiate conversations. i think i'm lucky if i ever get to have one genuine conversation with them once a month. it just kinda hurts to think about i guess. + +why can't i connect with people? why is it so difficult? all of my life i've avoided people and just wanted to do my own thing and the moment i try building meaningful connections with people they all fail.",i'm starting to realize that i'll probably never be able to truely connect with anyone,3 +102,"As someone with AVPD, I have trouble connecting with people. I know I'm smart, and attractive, and I care for people, but it's my lack of social skills that make it hard for people to see the real me. I've had two guys like me back in the past few years. Which one of them would be considered my ""first love""? + +The first guy ""Dave"" I met when I was 19 on vacation. He and I would just talk at the pool about politics and education (even though he was kind of a party guy, he has a nerdy side). We only hung out for two days, but after our first day hanging out, the second day, he was really shy talking to me. But our romance was cut short because he had a girlfriend, and made the mistake of spilling the beans about his crush on me to other kids at the resort. He cut off contact with me, but when they broke up a month later, he started looking at my social media a lot. Not to mention, he made a playlist about me for my birthday. We don't even talk, so I don't know if this is some sort of peace offering or apology. + +The second guy ""Steve"" I met a year later, at my job. He and I bonded on the first day of work about growing up in the same hometown, and I told my mom that day about how we bonded over our ""parallel lives"". We worked together for a little over a year. And we never went out or anything, but he would hit on me a lot. But stupid me was either too dense to realize he was flirting or too surprised in the moment to say any good flirting lines back. But a customer asked me for my number one day, and I gave it to him. I guess I kind of wanted to motivate my crush to ask me out, but literally the week after, he went out with his sister's friend (the sister set them up), but they broke up and he likes me. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wpn90)",Who is my first love? Have I fallen in love yet?,3 +103,,Has anyone visited a sensory deprivation tank before? I know the experience will be different for everyone but curious to know if anyone found it helpful for anxiousness.,3 +104,"I'm starting benzos on Tuesday. My brother had shit withdrawals from them and almost died, but according to him, you don't give a shit on them and actually function like a normal, non-mentally-ill person.",Fuck it,3 +105,,wishing I could send this to the people I’m actively avoiding,3 +106,"I Heard that these two personality types might be more likely to develop AvPD. i would like to see If its plausible. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11vt0gx)",Briggs personality type and connection with AvPD,3 +107,"Went out with an old friend for her birthday in a city two hours away from where I live. + +Things were going well but I’m getting the feeling I annoyed everyone and no one wants to hear my voice anymore. I can’t excuse myself and go home, and I also feel rude saying I’m going to bed first. I’m the only single person here, and there’s so many years of bonding and inside jokes I’ve missed out on. + +You know when at the beginning of the night everyone seems happy to see you and laughs at your comments (if you’re your lucky), but then everyone slowly stops replying to you and distancing themselves from you as the night goes on. I also got overstimulated and frustrated very briefly (not at anyone in particular) but now I just feel like I overstayer my welcome. + +I’m stuck here until tomorrow morning when we go home, and I have no one to talk to because this girl I came with is my only friend. I feel like shrinking and making everyone forget I was ever here.",Out with friends for the first time in a long time.. can’t leave..,3 +108,I'm not great at connecting with people. I understand social cues but I guess people find me weird or whatever. I will be there for people but they will say things like they feel like they have nobdoy to talk to and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for them or the the type of friend they had in mind. It sucks but what can you do?,I'm not the friend people want.,3 +109,,The only proper self care for us,3 +110,I thought it was depression but maybe the nonstop hypervigilance is really the one doing it. Does anything help?,Do you think AVPD makes you more tired?,3 +111,Usually I am a secretive person but if I start talking about myself I almost always go into unneccessary details.,DAE talk too much about themselves / overshare for no reason,3 +112,"I’m a below average looking guy, and I just want to be normal looking. I feel like my AVPD has gotten worse over time because I am just too ugly for life.","I’m mostly so avoidant due to being ashamed of my appearance, and feeling like I don’t belong. Anyone else feel the same way?",3 +113,"sometimes I can't believe i'm in this situation lol, it's like a nightmare. You know nothing is gonna change even if you cure this sickness, because you are ugly and getting excluded is a natural procces for you. + +Edit: Posting something like this was a miskate. Looks like when you are an ugly man you can't talk about your problems, and when you do people tell you its all your fault and you have a shitty personality (you cannot say the opposite otherwise you will get downvoted to the bottom). Thanks to our helpful users here, today i learned i'm a sexist schizophrenic guy who has some personality issues and treats other people like shit(even tho they dont talk to me for more than 10 seconds).",suffering from AvPD as an ugly guy is like a cruel joke,3 +114,,AE can't tell if AVPD is overcome or they just became comfortable with their environment and routine?,3 +115,"Im a very introspective person I always observe my actions and thoughts and how I interact with other people, i can see I’ve got a negative feedback loop with SAD, AvPD and autism traits which destroys my self esteem which means I always have bad intentions and conversations with people, but im just so confused and leaves me feeling hopeless as i have no idea how to change","Does anybody else feel like they know their symptoms understand how their brains though process work, but still feel hopeless at getting rid of AvPD",3 +116,"Tw lightly suicidal + +This week I have to begin fixing my life. I don’t have a choice in the matter. I will need to see a new psychiatrist, and a new therapist. I need to get a job, I need to eat. I have so much to do to fix myself before I can even start with the basics of life. And worst of all, I have to be honest to heal. I’m not even honest with myself. I just smile and nod to everyone. No one takes me seriously, because I’m always laughing and joking. I can’t turn it off. Like when your parents say ‘keep making that face and it’ll stick that way forever,’ I got my face stuck in a clown mask. + +I feel like a shriveled, dehydrated soul. Like a sewer rat crawling out of the soggy drain. I’m horrifically depressed, the worst of my life. And honestly the effort just doesn’t feel worth it. I’d really rather just rot and die. I’m so terrified of all this, I’d prefer to die. But I couldn’t make that choice either. I am trapped on all sides.",Making changes in a terrible depression,3 +117,"I don’t believe in matters of mental health ever truly being 100% cured. + +Even though I still have some AvPD traits that I’m still working on, my therapist says I certainly no longer meet the diagnosis of AvPD. + +I’ve gone from being a textbook AvPD with such bad social anxiety I barely left the house an could barely order a cheeseburger. +All through school people called me “socially retarded” and my mom thought I was autistic. +To now being a very socially skilled, confident, outgoing person who makes friends easily. + +I’m curious if people are interested in some kind of a write up about how I’ve recovered from my AvPD, what helped me, how long it can take etc? + +I see a lot of people struggling and feeling hopeless on this board. +It breaks my heart when I see people truly believe that recovery is impossible (and spreading that false message). It is possible! It’s just really hard, uncomfortable, takes a lot of time and you have to really want it. + +Thoughts on whether a write up is something people would be receptive of? I’m also open to suggestions of what else could help. + +P.S. I feel vulnerable writing this post in fear that people will have an angry, skeptical reaction or think I’m being narcissistic. But I wanted to take the risk and reach out anyway, because I’m super passionate about recovery and I’d love to see the negative narrative about AvPD recovery start to change.",I recovered from AvPD. What will help others?,3 +118,"So, this is actually something really positive for me, even if it isn't considered the best thing in everyone's minds. + +I was going to the bathroom, and I was wearing a really baggy hoodie with pants that are way too big for me these days. The pants used to fit me just fine, but I've lost so much weight that I have to tie them around my waist or they'll just fall off. + +Anyways, what I'm getting at is, I saw myself in the mirror when I walked in, and I couldn't help but think that I look exactly how I want to look. I love how comfy clothes look, my hair is long and messy, and I guess I'm in a good enough state of mind to see myself as cute when my hair covers my face like it did. I am embarrassed that as a guy, I like feeling cute, but I think it's great and I've been told that it actually makes me more attractive. + +But when I was admiring myself in the mirror, I lifted up my hoodie (no I don't wear a shirt underneath my hoodies, the temperature much too hot for that as I can barely wear this hoodie) and I saw that my waist was super skinny. Of course, I don't eat much, and I still function fine, so I guess that's okay. + +What I'm getting at is, I was able to look at myself in the mirror today, and I liked what I saw, and people can think what they want, I look exactly how I want to look today, and I love that. + +Things have really been getting better for me, and though there's still plenty of low points, I can easily see my condition is getting better. I hope everyone else is doing okay, and I hope that by sharing this I can bring some hope to anyone else who has been struggling with this pd. Thank y'all if you read this far, and I hope you're doing well.",I look like how I want to.,3 +119,"DAE experience this? No one takes me seriously when I say that stuff that's happened to me has negatively affected my mental health. I'm basically told to calm down/ stop worrying, even if it's really affected me. Basically just a refusal to accept and acknowledge that I've been hurt. + +I think is partly why I have avpd to start with. I guess this could be classed as some form of emotional neglect, not having my feelings validated or taken seriously to the point where I've had to deal with my trauma by myself.",People telling me to calm down instead of understanding my pain,3 +120,"Anyone else here addicted to cam girls online, talking to them anonymously because you don't have anyone in real life? +hard to stop when what you need is a real girlfriend",Addicted to cam girls,3 +121,"I’ve tried counselling and schema therapy but it always ended the same way as i realise talking doesn’t solve deep mental issues, but I’ve seen cbt and dbt therapys and wounded if anybody has any experiences with it and was it beneficial.",Has therapy ever worked for you,3 +122,"Hello lovely community, + +I’m reading a lot about this, mainly to understand the guy I’m dating better who has AVPD! + +My lovely community, please help me understand why it takes often over 24 hours to respond to a text from your loved ones? + +Is there specific content that triggers you to avoid replying I.e expression of feelings? Yet I hear that the AVPD community does enjoy getting reassurance. + +Sometimes it makes me feel like there’s a lack of interest but I often end up getting a reply after all- just days late . But it’s confusing to determine wether you are disinterested or just afraid to answer. + +Love to hear your thoughts/experiences",Taking 24 hours or days to respond to texts?,3 +123,"I put up so many masks around everybody. I show some parts of myself to some people, and other parts to other people. And some parts I never show anybody and probably never will. Nobody in my life has ever truly known me, they only know the person I’ve shown them. It’s exhausting, but it’s basically second nature at this point and I literally don’t know how to be anything else. I find myself telling so many little lies even about the most mundane things about myself and I don’t even mean to do it on purpose. My opinions are always what I think the other person wants to hear. Every word I say and everything I show on the surface is always a watered down version of what I truly want to say and feel. Even when I’m just in the car with someone I only play music I think they would like or what I want them to think I listen to. Most of the time I don’t even know what parts of myself are true or not. I’m like a puzzle made up of completely different pieces that don’t fit together. It’s all just so fucked. I don’t know how to fix this. I wish there was someone who could see through all these masks and help bring out who I actually am, but I don’t even know if that’s possible at this point.",Nobody in my life has ever truly known me.,3 +124,"I'm in my 40s now. The last time I had friends was in school. I'm not sure we would have been friends if the we hadn't been in the same environment day after day. Actually I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have been. My friends mostly were other people who didn't have other friends, i.e. other outsiders. + +We'd meet to play computer games, or sometimes (rarely) go swimming. But we never really talked about personal stuff. I'm not even sure this counts as friendship? + +Anyway...so I've been without that kind of social connection for a long time now. Too busy struggling with education and work and health and life in general to engage in hobbies. + +I think I really have no idea what friendship is apart from seeing it on TV or remembering childhood friends. Is it more than spending time together and watching TV or engaging in hobbies together? Am I even capable of friendship? + +Consequently, friendship isn't something I've been looking for. Maybe if I knew what I'm missing out on, I would? + +I'm about to embark on a psychotherapy journey again, and I feel unprepared. What do I even want?",I can't imagine what friendship would look like in my life,3 +125,"I used to be quite eloquent when I was younger, despite not talking to anyone. I always had the right word or description for what I intended to say. If only I wasn’t an asshole and actually practiced conversation.. + +Not sure where it all started to escape me. Could be when my mental health went downhill, or when I got off my meds, or when I got high almost every day for a year. But nowadays it’s not uncommon for me to struggle to write simple sentences. Sending an email or text takes me way longer than it should. + +It really interferes when I’m trying to talk with others. So often I feel like I know what I want to say but the words are just out of reach, and instead of adding to the conversation I’m just like “yeah.. uuuh I feel you”",Anyone else have trouble verbalizing their thoughts and feelings?,3 +126,"This week has been absolute hell. I feel so overwhelmed with life right now, and I want to be completely alone. I don’t want to be perceived or asked why I missed two weeks of class. I don’t want people constantly (and very publicly) asking me if I’m okay. Yes, I’m fine, but no I’m not fine. I’m fine enough to function, but I also want to run away. I appreciate the sentiment, I just wish it wasn’t in front of the whole class. + +I’m pretty sure most of this is my depression talking, but it’s definitely making my AvPD symptoms worse. I feel like EVERYBODY is looking at me. I’m beating myself up all the time for what I don’t/can’t do. I feel like everyone hates me. I hate myself. I just want to hide. Curl up into my corner. Never speak to a soul.",I want to curl up into my bed and never leave,3 +127,"If you're comfortable sharing, does anyone here have any hobbies/activities that they enjoy?",Any hobbies?,3 +128,So i just started supplement license beside my real license(hope its understandable). We have to drive some lesson and i was with a new driving instructor. Finished my lesson and he gave me some tips. One of Them was i dont need to be a “mouse” at this point i just felt insulted. Why is there always a expectation to be talkative? Yeah im gonna drive people around most elderly but im gonna try as much i can. Im seriously tired of society always expecting everyone to be bubbly and talk constantly….,Why do people always come with this remark?,3 +129,"I have had a partner for 4 years. It’s a shock to me, as well. But we haven’t had the greatest past. To make a very long story short: When he started medical school (4 years ago, when we first started dating), he wasn’t that nice to me. Some might say he was abusive towards me, especially when he drank. Anyway, he used my avoidant personality as leverage to skew many details regarding our relationship. It turned everyone in his life against me. + +Now, my partner has sobered up. It took me a while to trust and accept this change. But the people in his life still haven’t let go of the past. And the truth is, neither have I. I’ve forgiven my partner but I haven’t forgotten how everyone else treated me, even after my partner tried to clear my name. It only augmented the characteristics of my AVPD. It dissuaded me from applying to grad school, seek any professional or academic opportunities… but mainly, it left me with an intense fear of leaving my house because I simply don’t trust anyone anymore. + +Today, my partner found out where he matched for residency. His school hosted a luncheon that celebrated the students who matched. So my partner invited me and his parents; and his friends were already there since they’re in the same class. Keep in mind that I haven’t seen anyone in about 2-3 years. + +After panicking for a week before the event, I finally mustered up the courage to go. I convinced myself it’s not going to be bad. My partner actually reassured me a lot, as well. Well…. + +Aside from my partner, everyone acted like I was invisible. They went out of their way to hug and greet everyone, and then skipped right over me. Even when I spoke, they wouldn’t acknowledge me. My partner was really disappointed in them but wanted to keep the mood light, so he didn’t confront anyone. He did stick by my side, so I was at least grateful for that. + +It all just augmented my social anxiety, avoidant personality, and even my body dysmorphia. Looking at the pictures I took of everyone else versus the photos they took of me…. I’m really struggling to decide if it’s just a bad day or if I’m really that hideous. It makes me never want to step foot outside again. + +My partner truly has turned his life around and has become more aware of my needs. I love him very much and am proud that he’s grown up a lot during our relationship. Yes, ideally we would’ve never had to go through our dark phase. But he’s helped me in many ways too. I just wish the people in his life were nicer to me. + +They have no idea what their rejection does to me.",Need to vent.,3 +130,"i've been diagnosed having BPD (borderline personality disorder) 4 years ago when i was 16, since then my life have been a living hell. However last year and a half i've felt like my symptoms have changed a lot, though i still have all the BPD symptoms, some symptoms like avoidance, social anxiety, isolation, feeling less, came up from nowhere. For matter of fact, i stopped talking to all my ""friends"", stopped working, going out, date, i stopped living. This winter i didn't go out of my appartement, and if it wasn't for my mother, i would probably have died of hunger. Going out doesn't scare me, people outside does. I feel like they all stare at me and they know how shitty i am, i feel like i'm not like them and whatever i do i'm not enough. Even open the shutters is a damn burden. Sometimes i think i might be paranoid, but i don't think people wan't me any harm nor i feel persecuted, i'm just ashamed of myself... I don't know if i have AvPD or just social anxiety but it's a fucking misery.. +Is there anyone if this situation?",is it only me?,3 +131,"Not because they are doing something suspicious but because they don't want their preferences or choices to be seen? + +I have the option to watch YouTube on a smart TV, but instead I watch it on a tiny little phone screen with earphones when I'm in company because I don't want anyone to see my web or streaming history, even if it's something as innocuous as looking up a recipe or reading an online news article. I just feel so much fear of someone looking at my internet history although it's generally harmless and boring crap. + +I remember being 10 years old and my brother being angry at me because I would turn off the TV and act all shifty when he walked into the room. + +When I was a child I would hide my drawings from my parents and classmates because I would be so embarrassed. That was my first sign of AVPD. + +I was eventually diagnosed at 21 and again by another psychologist at 27.",does anyone else hide their phone from everyone or turn off the television when someone else walks into the room?,3 +132,"Anyone else ever feel slow to catch on to things? New show comes out, new game comes out, new trend, im always late to it all. I always find myself saying the phrase “that’s a thing?” when people bring up things I genuinely never heard of but apparently everyone else has + +I seem to have a general lack of interest in exploring anything in my life. If 0 is “I hate it” and 10 is “I love this and will skip sleep to do it”, the highest I can get is like a 7. Even with the things I “love”. Which sucks. Because often times people bond thru shared hobbies but you have to be passionate enough about that said hobby to actually fit in. And often times I’m just not that into it as the people around me. + +One simple example is when I tried playing DnD. It just made me uncomfortable because everyone was so into it and I wanted to be as well, but idk it felt like there was this barrier between me and having fun. And I get that it might not be my cup of tea, but like, this happens with everything I try + +Or when I was considering my major for school. I ended up picking something that I had just ""heard"" was a highly paid major, without really thinking about it at all. I didn't bother to look into what classes I would be taking, what jobs it would train me for, hell, whether or not I even liked it. It was just ""ok, sounds good"". One of the most important decisions of my life, made in 10 minutes. And now senior year, I'm regretting it heavily and feel like switching to another career. + +Makes me think about how many opportunities I’ve missed out on simply for being too average and opinionless in life. Idk + +I'm asking on this sub mostly because I'm curious if this is related to avpd or not. Or if it’s more a personality thing",Lack of opinion and interest in things,3 +133,"for a long time, all i wanted is to be loved by other people, but as a depressed individual, it's been kinda impossible to believe anyone will ever love me. and i don't even mean it exclusively in the romantic sense (how does a first kiss feel? i don't even know), but in the platonic sense too. + +i don't even think i'm physically unattractive, but i do know my personality is unattractive, which is somehow *worse.* with this i am not saying i am unworthy of love, i mean that my goals in life and my way of being is not what it's expected of people nowadays. i have weird and extremely niche interests, i am weird and my only purpose in life is to collect the biggest spectrum of unique experiencies; definitely not the kind of people that attracts other people in this world (i mean ambitious people with dreams of financial gains, charismatic people, etcetera). + +don't get me wrong, i love my weird quirky self, but so far nobody has ever loved my weird quirky self lol. i know there's lots of people in this big and wide planet, but it seems like i don't have the skills to find the people who will like me, the people who will form groups with me, the people who will desire me in a romantic way. and considering my age, i feel like it's too late to find those skills, the skills of making deep, meaningful, reciprocal connections with other people. + +but i think that's okay. somehow, getting rid of the desire to form connections with others has made me happier with those small-talk friendships whom only talk to me about the weather or their job, with those classmates who only talk to me when i awkwardly join the bigger groups at college. maybe thinking that i'm worthy to be loved by other people is me asking too much? + +the approach i'm taking now is to love myself. and with ""love"" i mean romantic love; i flirt with myself. i tell myself i'm beautiful, even if i don't recognize that person in the mirror as someone beautiful. i have lots of love buried in my heart, and i always waited to get into a relationship to give this love to someone else. now, i try to give it to my own self. there's days when i really want to die and i can't even get out of bed, and i ask myself ""what would i do if the love of my life felt like this?"" and i realize that i would support her; i would do everything to get her out of bed, help her bath and make some food for her. so i get out of bed, i bathe myself and make myself some food. + +there's some days when loneliness hurts, though. i always see stories of the beauty of romantic love, of touching the lips of the person you would die for, feeling that person's chest and not caring if the world ends, as long as you're on their arms. stories of the joy of hanging out with like-minded people, and just being up at 4am enjoying each other's presence and looking at the stars together. these are experiences i will never live, and it hurts. and it makes me feel like this whole philosophy i just described in this post is just a dangerous coping mechanism. + +but what would i do if the love of my life felt like this? i would hug them and tell them that it's gonna be okay. so i just tell myself that i'm gonna be okay. + +*""You think you might find community, a sense of connection to something bigger, but you don’t. In fact, you feel more alone than you did before you left … But you survive. You learn that you can survive being alone.” - Bojack Horseman*",i'm never gonna be loved by anyone... and i think that's okay.,3 +134,"I feel exhausted from the constant voices in my head and my heart racing during social situations. I feel like everything I do, could have been done better, and that I am inadequate. My avoidance is getting worse to the point where I am unable to do anything at all. As a medical student, I chose to study this major without truly understanding the challenges that would come with it. Now, during my clinical rotations, every encounter with each patient feels like a nightmare. I constantly feel judged, and I fear harsh criticism is always one step away from being directed at me. This constant mental battle leaves me with no room to use the knowledge that I have worked so hard to achieve. + I am always reserved and quiet, and I do not act on anything until I know there is no other option, fearing that I will be blamed for my incompetence. However, this has backfired on me, as I struggle to form connections and networks, losing out on many opportunities in my field that could improve my social and financial status. Gradually, people have started to label me as arrogant or irresponsible, which makes me feel hopeless. +What can I do to sustain balance, at least in my mind? In addition to this, I am lonely, and the effect on my already-damaged mental health is apparent. +Last year, I met a group of people with whom I shared similar interests. Socializing with them was enjoyable, and I felt liked. But, in my efforts to get closer to them and belong to the friend group, I ended up stressing over whether I was making them uncomfortable, whether I had anything interesting to say, and whether they looked down on me. The gut-wrenching anxiety became too much to bear, and I ended up quitting. I limited my texts and stopped going to meetings. Though I am still in contact with them on social media, I see how new people have joined the group, formed close friendships, and I continue to feel like a familiar stranger to all of them. +I am preparing myself to accept the lack of romantic intimacy in my life. Though I have always been indifferent about relationships, sometimes I think that I am going to miss out on so many ordinary but enjoyable experiences in life. There were guys who took an interest in me because I had this ""mysterious aura"" around me, but after a few more dates, I was still the same person they met on the first day. I had nothing more to offer other than shallow and unimportant conversations. Every time I wanted to go deeper, I felt exposed and vulnerable like prey. So, it's definitive for me that I have to completely abandon this part of my life and move on. +I'm sorry if I went on for too long or sounded negative, but I really needed to share my thoughts and emotions with those who can understand. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.",This is really getting out of control,3 +135,"So I've been a nanny for about 10 years now (daycare before that) and one of the best parts of the job was extremely minimal adult interaction. I'd go to work, one of the parents would tell me what I needed to know and then went to work. When they got back in the evening we'd say ""goodnight"" and that was it. + +Since covid, however, at least one of the parents works from home. I currently work for a family with BOTH parents work from home. It's terrible. I jump at every noise that might mean they are coming to ""say hi"" to their kid. I worry so much about where they are, what they think they're hearing when I talk to their baby, my appearance, the way I dress. I imagine they're mocking the way I sneeze or they're disgusted by my weight gain. + +I am very good at my job but my anxiety is so distracting it makes everything so much harder. I can't tell you how many times I've tossed my phone across the room when I hear footsteps coming because even if I am only looking up the weather or craft ideas I'm terrified they'll think I'm on the phone all day.",AvPD and covid has ruined my dream job.,3 +136,"Lately I’ve been reading more about BPD, particularly “silent” BPD, and I check off every symptom on the list. I’m wondering if it’s a common thing for these two conditions to be related, as it seems that this combo could be incredibly self destructive(as I am) and hectic. Thoughts?","BPD and AvPD comorbidity, anyone?",3 +137,"i am not diagnosed with avpd. i think i have it but i won’t say i have it. i’ve shown a lot of symptoms since childhood. i’m 18 and usually they diagnose people who are older so yea idk. + +i’ve posted on here several times and feel such a comfort with all the people who relate. i’ve lost friendships because of how i am. it’s so nice to feel understood and to connect with other people like me. + +i don’t know where else to go to vent, so i usually go here. all the people who comment really make me feel better since they get it.",is it wrong of me?,3 +138,"I’m planning on doing a certain diploma you need to do at least six months of internship for. I should’ve started applying for those weeks ago but I’ve been avoiding it because I feel like I’d either end up not getting the internship or trick them into thinking I’ll be a valuable addition to their institution — which I don’t think I would be. So essentially, I’ve been doing self sabotage. + +Now, the problem is that I’ve had quite a lot of absences at school, the teachers all know about some of my mental illnesses and have suffered because of it. + +I’ll need references for the application process, I don’t have anyone else to do that other than my teachers but I feel that asking anyone to do it would be putting them in a really hard position because they don’t want to lie to an institution about me being a valuable addition when they (think they) know I’ll only mess things up. + +Honestly, I just feel like even if I end up getting an internship somehow (would be a miracle in the first place) I’d somehow find a way to burn out and mess up once again. + +If I don’t go for this diploma I’ll essentially have wasted four years of my life and I don’t think my chronically depressed self could recover from that. + +Any advice?",How do you get through the process of getting a job?,3 +139," I am so goddamn tired of everything. + + I am not looking forward to anything, have no goals..just a low-paid job that I don't really like. I guess I can be proud that I got one in the first place, despite how horribly painful that was to get used to it and my thoughts about quitting it after first week. + But honestly, other than that, I have no clue why I am doing all this. I mean, everything..going to job, eating, trying to do something..living. I am so tired I barely drag my body to work or practically anywhere. + About my job..I got more or less used to it but I still feel like my co-workers hate me. It's my avpd brain acting up, again. Goddamn pesky little thing. They're nice to me but this irrational part of me wins every time + Every day is a misery and I am so tired.. + I always tell myself that I have to go forward and don't stop but by now I am not sure why or where I am going. Feels like I am just aimlessly wandering around in the darkness with no clue whatsoever",So tired of everything,3 +140,"I’m a Highly Sensitive Person or HSP but I realized I was being super sensitive for awhile now. I think this is when I started to realize my AvPD. I was talking to my former therapist a couple of months back and she told me about it. Her friend had become disabled and was being hypersensitive. + +I think a lot of this comes from trauma. Also doesn’t help when people aren’t really compassionate in general. I don’t really have much advice but try to heal from traumas. I’ve been doing that alot more lately. It took a really long time but I feel less stuck now.",Just wonder if people have heard of hypersensitivity.,3 +141,"When people get to know me, I’m actually very loud. Almost obnoxiously loud as in I’d be embarrassed if I acted that way around random people😂 And I sometimes wonder if I’m avoidant because of the fact that deep down I’m just an obnoxiously loud person and somehow I’ve decided being avoidant keeps my life easier. Less drama, no risk of annoying people. But then I also wonder if maybe in reality I’m just loud sometimes to make up for the way too many times I’ve kept everything inside? Idk but that leads me to another question. How can you truly heal from your problems when it would require getting rid of coping mechanisms held in place all your life? + +I should add I’m generally a very quiet person.",Please tell me I’m not the only one?,3 +142,"I was told to phone call someone but I cant even make myself! I'm literally about to tell them I'm incapable of talking to people and make myself even more pathetic! +Wtf should I do? They will just tell me meaningless things for an hour which I have no solution to.My phobia is getting worse and worse ! +I'm also starting to have some anger outbursts which rarely happen but I think I will snap! And it is not even that big of deal.",Can't make a single phone call?,3 +143,"Sometimes I forget I'm good at things, it helps me to remember what ones since there's so much I feel like I'm *not* good at. I'm more than what I'm not naturally good at. + +I'm: + +* Very naturally flexible so yoga is easy for me. +* Extremely resourceful, I feel like I can make anything out of anything. +* Great at literary analysis. +* A good cook. +* I don't easily give up when something is difficult. +* Good at understanding & applying new concepts easily. +* Good at drawing & art. +* Good at trying new things if they're not too overwhelming. +* Empathetic and nonjudgmental (despite what my face and energy are giving off lol) +* Good taste, in books, fashion, films, etc. +* Good at gift-giving + +What about you all? ✌️",What are you guys good at?,3 +144,"For me its difficult because everyone is more advanced than me or younger. Many people are focused on careers/productivity/school/family. I always feel like a kid compared to others when I observe or interact with people. + +Another issue that would happen is the few people I found remotely on my level would ditch me after some months. I think it does not work with people if you do not objectively help the person or intend to interact with them on a physical or visceral level rather than just talking about interests or random stuff. + +In theory I should just go ask people if they want to play certain games but it does not feel right if people just opening up about their personal lives or bantering with me makes me feel like trash. It is absurd to me that I have to shut out 99.X percent of the population because they are better than me or I don't share their interests.",Anyone here try making online friends?,3 +145,"I find myself abandoning Reddit accounts and making new ones every few weeks or so. I hate the fact that Reddit leaves a trail of evidence about me that I can't hide from people and make my comments and questions private. I hate the whole karma and upvotes/downvotes thing. I like Reddit for the simple fact that there are communities here for just about everything that I don't have access to otherwise. I also use Facebook groups but I have an account with a fake name and no information on the profile. If I have commented too much in a single group and people start recognizing me I usually change my name on Facebook. You are usually allowed to change your name on Facebook several times a year or so. + +I just hate the fact that I am seen and I have built a persona, either online or offline. I just wish I could be invisible or anonymous everywhere I went including online. I also hate people knowing what country I was born in because most people are from the United states and it makes me stand out so I try and use American terms and spellings as much as I can. I also have trauma from my home country and just mentioning that I am from there makes me anxious and I feel paranoid talking to people from my own country. I go back and edit comments constantly and I'm always deleting things. + +People automatically find this behavior shifty and I have been called out a few times and people always think I'm up to something.",does anyone else keep making new Reddit accounts?,3 +146,"Like I don’t really care if they think I’m dumb or even *like* me at this point in my life… but something about knowing people see me is terrifying. Eye contact is the absolute worst because it’s 100 percent focus. I always try to look people in the eyes but HAVE to look away within a second otherwise I feel like they’ll hate me. I’m 24M and it’s waaaay worse with women, I feel like I’m invading their space just looking anywhere near them to the point I don’t even know what their face looks like after an interaction. + +When my best friend of 10 years comes over to watch a movie I will not glance in their direction the entire time and stay on my side of the couch. But I can converse just fine and not overthink my words at all. I also feel like I have tunnel vision when im in grocery stores and if I go to a restaurant I will be stiffly hunched over my plate staring at the wall the entire time. I just realized being blind would be kinda awesome and probably take away like 90 percent of my stressors. Okay this got way out of hand im baked goodnight and if you’re reading this I love you",Is anybody mainly scared of simply being perceived?,3 +147,"I met a guy on a trip two years ago. He told mutual friends that he liked me, and he asked them not to tell me, but they did. When he found out that I knew, he cut off all contact with me. Two months later, he and his girlfriend broke up. I have to admit that before he was single, I'd look at his TikToks a lot. I never liked or commented on it; I'd just watch the videos. + +A few days before he and his girlfriend broke up, I noticed that my TikToks would go up. I had 3 followers, but whenever I'd watch his videos, a few hours later, my TikTok views would rise. I even tried doing it on certain days; eg. I'd watch his videos one day, watch it two days later, then the day after, and each time I saw them, my views went up, and on the days that I didn't watch them, they stayed the same. This continued for the better part of a year. Last year, it was still frequent, but less so. Now, it's every two or three weeks that we do this. One time, he even posted a TikTok in English (English isn't his first language, and all of his previous videos were in his native language). + +TikTok wasn't the only platform he was looking at me on. He would do it on Twitter too. One time, I retweeted a picture of a Star Wars character. Less than an hour later, he posted a meme of that same character. The meme was in English, and it's not that I want to say that the meme wasn't funny, but it was obvious that he posted it just to post it. There's been at least three other instances where he did something similar. + +However, twice he did things that tickled me funny. About six months after they broke up, he started following her on TikTok, but unfollowed her within a few hours (probably because she didn’t follow him back). A month later, one of his ex's close friends posted a TikTok video with his ex in it. He started following this friend. Around eight months of this going on, he made his Instagram and TikTok private. I have no idea why. But I can tell he still looks at my TikTok, because TikTok tells who looks at your profile. I don’t post much, and he looks at it every two to three days.",I’m worried I’m second choice,3 +148,"I've been on this subreddit for a good period of time now and it's quite an active one with several posts every day and pretty much all of them receive a response of some sort whether it's about people asking for advice or venting. + +There's no toxicity. There's no arguing. There's just empathy and help. + +So I just want to say that although living with AvPD can be a painful existence that eats away at our self-esteem, I appreciate all of you for making this subreddit such a great space.",You're actually all great people and this subreddit is living proof.,3 +149,"My presence makes others uncomfortable and i can feel it. There's this awkwardness. Whenever I need to go out and i have to interact with others or when I'm with my own family, i feel it. And i know that awkwardness is because of me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I know some will say it's in your head but no i really feel like my presence is just uncomfortable to be around. You know sometimes people can sense things? People can sense when you're sad or in my case, uncomfortable in social interactions so they pick up on that and they aren't used to that so then everything becomes uncomfortable. I don't like this feeling.",I make people uncomfortable,3 +150,"I think I’ve never given myself a chance to develop them because of AvPD. I could’ve had a fuller social life in school but I was so in my shell, I just had a few close friends. And even with them, I felt I could’ve been better. It seemed like they all clicked with each other very well and even though we were all good friends, sometimes there was something missing in my connection with people. I know they say skills are to be learned but it really really REALLY seems like it’s just inborn for other people. So I just do everything I can to avoid one on one conversations so nobody has the chance to think I’m weird and don’t know how to talk or something.",Conversational and social skills… what are they,3 +151,"Hey guys what are your 3 favorite/special films and 1 tv show you adore:) + +Mine are: +1.Cherry +2.Drive +3.Wind River +...Mandy is also one of favs, especially the first half of the film. + +And I'm a huge Stranger Things fan, that's my favourite tv show",Just a quick moment of levity,3 +152,"It doesn’t matter who the other person is, if we are engaged in a conversation, the longer it takes the more symptoms I get. At first I am ok, then the worry begins in my head where at the same time I am talking, I start observing myself. + +The conversation continues but at this time the symptoms I have been worried about begin to appear, my ears turn red, my lips start to shake, my thinking start to prepare for the impending possibility of having a panic attack while at the same time I start observing that the person I am talking to has now noticed that I am having a reaction. My voice start to tremble as I must make some type of escape. + +Shame overtakes me as I now know that the other person knows that something just went wrong. I abruptly end the conversation and remove myself now completely drained and knowing that in future conversations with that person, this previous terrible episode will be the thing in my head and wondering if it will also be in their head. + +Later on as days pass, I start noticing that the other person also becomes uncomfortable and looks anxious when talking to me but seems happy and relaxed when talking to other people. + +After sometime, I start avoiding them because it takes a toll on me. If it is a place of employment, over time I will have many of such episodes with different people and it becomes too much so I quit so I can start fresh somewhere else but I already know what the outcome will be at each new place. + +I am 56 and have been like that since High School. + +Some medications have helped, particularly Effexor. Also thinking about my lungs breathing and doing mindfulness while conversing have reduced it tremendously, but many times I forget to do the work and I get the episodes. + +This is all from times in my childhood where I was shamed in front of others and ridiculed by aunts, uncles, grandparents and teachers. + +One of my grandma’s used to on many occasions take her frustrations on me when I did something bad. So for some reason now, when I talk to other adults, it triggers all of the reactions I had as a child when I was getting yelled at.",I can’t sustain long conversations,3 +153,"Hi, I've been struggling a lot in school from even before college and lonely for most of my life. I've been the odd one out since back when and slow on socialising - I can't seem to use social media well (too afraid that my relatives will find it) and/or hold conversations for very long even though I find people with the same interests. I've gotten responses that range from implying that I annoy them or getting told my way of thinking is... strange(?) I'm not sure how to phrase this since I tend to notice my ideas get shot down and nitpicked more than others in my friend group or even project team setting. + +I started withdrawing from my social circles as a result and getting used to living alone with myself. My family been supportive of me thus far and I shouldnt complain but I cant live like this for very long - I want to express myself and find a space for my art, craft and ideas that accepts me for me. +And I'm sure in order to be independent, I need to also be comfortable with myself. + +But I'm not. I live life now never crossing the line with people even if I think its a terrible idea and is proven to be for the purpose of avoiding conflict, I withhold my ideas so as to not seem radical or stupid and avoid being berated or talked down. I feel like a NPC living a scripted life. + +How do we overcome this and have the courage to live for us? Can I do it in a way to eliminate these stresses? Or is avoiding them the main issue?",Feeling disconnected from peers - how do I stand out to fit in?,3 +154,"I (28M) feel like any kind of dating/relationships is just work - work, work, work, work, work. I like the idea of having a connection in my life, but I don’t think I’m willing to do what it takes. + +I think bc I’m so low-maintenance, I attract a lot of very clingy needy people which made me hate the idea of dating because they’d never leave me alone. And not just the process of dating itself (which sucks for most people); but just being in a relationship, requires too much work and expectations. Maybe I’m just lazy, but how do you have the motivation to keep going with dating when it’s just annoyance?","I love the idea of a romantic relationship, but I can’t put the work in.",3 +155,"I don’t know how common this is but it’s extremely difficult for me to find the strength in me to text people back and it’s killing my (nonexistent) social life and the possibility of ever finding love. I live in constant guilt/dread knowing that I have people in my DMs trying to contact me to hang out, but my fear of embarrassment and awkwardness is freaking killing me. All i’ve ever wanted was to belong and be able to make friends, but my brain literally stops me in my tracks. It’s also necessary to note that I have ADHD (primarily inattentive) and once I take my medication, I’m lucky to have maybe 30min of adequate dopamine levels to push myself and reply. Sometimes I do reply, but when I go back to baseline I just want to isolate and be in my dark room. I really feel like I’m being tortured by my own brain. It’s a terrible feeling to crave social interaction but to also be deathly afraid of the possibility that I could ruin everything and be viewed as an embarrassment. I really don’t feel worthy of having the opportunity to make friends. My SSRIs have made me so numb and my personality rarely sparkles anymore, so I can’t imagine anyone would want to be around someone so dull. + +Do any of you relate?? It feels like a mental trap.",crippling guilt from my inability to answer texts,3 +156,"Yes I‘m working on myself and it‘s never to late to start/change. But some things are time sensitive and I‘ll just have to accept I‘ll never have children for example. Sure I could pop one out right now, but that wouldn‘t be the responsible thing to do given my mental state as well as just my general state of things. + +There just isn‘t enough time for me to get well enough, get my life in order, find a reasonable partner get married and start a family before time runs out. So now I‘m just trying to prepare myself for when the inevitable comes and I‘m still here left alone probably still struggling mentally. + +That is all, I‘m sad this disorder has robbed me of so much and I still can‘t seem to get a handle on it.",Currently grieving the life I‘ll never have,3 +157,"i try so hard to get close to people and basically no ones ever responsive, and literally no one gives more than baseline politeness. i expend so much energy trying and nothing comes of it. all i get is hurt because people dont care about me at all. it hurts so much to try and get nothing and rejection in return. + +I'm genuinely wondering if there's really any point in me continuing to try when nothing works out and i just end up in so much pain. i want to just give up and isolate, to save energy and prevent this fucking god awful pain i keep feeling over and over again every time something social comes up + +i understand part of this hopeless feeling is my unrelenting depression but ive quite literally never been able to develop true close relationships outside fucking elementary school and im 21 now",is there a point in trying to completely get over this shit,3 +158,"i've always been in awe of people who can just start talking. every time i think 'i could say this!' it's immediately dogpiled with other thoughts. the self hating ones. i don't have it in me to list them right now, but if you're reading this, unfortunately you probably know what i mean. + +anyway. i was heading out for my break on saturday, and i got my marlboros out of my locker. (smoking is bad, i know). i bought them off a friend of a friend who stocked up on her trip to italy. so i turned to my coworker (notoriously one of if not the most outgoing in our little crew), and said ""hey, check these out."" and i showed him the picture of the blackened lung on the carton, and we kind of joked about how fucked up it is that those kinds of health warnings are the norm in other countries, but not here (USA). + + i don't really know what was different this time. it must have been a beneficial glitch, because i haven't shown that degree of spontaneity since, especially not while 100% sober. + +it was nothing. and the self hating thoughts came right after. but once those settled a bit, it was nice. + +thanks so much for reading, i just wanted to ramble as always.",just turned to my coworker and talked one day,3 +159,"If I interact with 5 people a day, 4 turn out to be ok, and the other 1 will destroy my whole mood. is it not better not to interact with all 5?",one interaction ruins the whole day,3 +160,"So few years back i got AVPD diagnosis. I am now trying to get out of this rut and fix things. Thing is: i have avoided everything all my life, even my feelings. So its hard. + +One thing i am thinking of past few days is that when i knew i was gay at 13 years old, i avoided thinking about it and refusing to accept my sexuality. I only came out once i was 19. So 6 years i was 'locked' in avoiding being who i am. I am in my 30s now and after a bad breakup been trying to figure my life out. + +Is it possible that being ' in the closet' for more then 6 years contribute in developing AVPD? As i notice i still dont accept my sexuality 100% and still think what people might think of it and reject me because of my sexuality. Thats what i did when i first figured out i was gay, thinking that my then friends would bully or reject me... + +Any other gay people here who can relate?",Can denying my sexuality be a cause of AVPD?,3 +161,"I think my partner has bpd maybe AvPD + + +Hi everyone. I have no idea how to start this. I’m honestly not even sure if bpd or AvPD is correct I’m just grasping at straws at this point. My (27f) boyfriend (28m)’s brother has been diagnosed with bpd. Which is why this is my first step. And while I’m obviously not looking for someone to diagnose him like this, I’m just lost. And need someone to listen. + +I am massively struggling in my relationship and I just need someone to listen. Even if this goes nowhere. My boyfriend asks for a lot of things for himself but is very hypocritical if I were to ask the same in return. (We just had a long talk so my brain is sort of foggy on details and I can’t quite think of an example of that at the moment) he does ask for things in one moment and when I do them or stick to it, he tells me it’s wrong. Example, he has wanted to get a photo ID for a while. We have two options, drivers licence or a photo card. About a month or probably two ago, he said he needed photo ID for a test at work he’d been putting off. Then he said not long ago that we don’t motivate each other to do the things we need to. I know he has anxiety planning things and doesn’t want to so for our anniversary I said “pick which ID you want, I’ll drive you there, pay for it, and it’ll be done. I’ll put all the planning into it. All good” and he loved that idea. The day we were supposed to go, he was angry about something and it caused an argument. So we didn’t go. Which got pushed off to the next week and the week after. To today. Each week he said “I’ll do it next week on my day off” so I asked and he pushed it again. Today we spoke about it and while he’s not good at planning, I was waiting around to find out if we were going or not, as I wanted to plan when I was done work and went to get gas and groceries. When it was about 2 hours before we had to leave if we were going for him to take the drivers test, I told him that I didn’t care if we went but if he wanted to study more, now was the time. He told me tonight that he only did it so ID shut up about it and when I said “you told me you wanted more motivation so I gave it to you” he just said “fair”. But we always have those moments where he says he wants something and I change to do it but then he gets pissy about it. If I try and talk to him about my needs or what I’m wanting more of or how I’m hurt by something, he tells me that he just wants to be left alone and that he never asked me for anything. Or he’ll just give me all the things about himself that suck or how he feels and completely disregards what I was even talking about. If we have an argument for 1 full hour let’s say. There will be lulls in the argument. Maybe every 15 minutes. Maybe start, half hour mark, and then end. It always changes but the lull is when he sits, listens, and answers me with respect. The other times it’s that I have said even one word to set him off and he’s miserable. And angry and not nice. I’m finding myself constantly working around his moods. Sort of judging if now is a good time to even show him a TikTok or something I find interesting. If he agrees with what I’m showing him, all is good. If he doesn’t, he gets angry. Says he’s confused and basically shuts down. Tells me he thinks that’s dumb or “why would someone even do that. They’re not part of my life. Why do I even need to listen to that”. If I’m talking about my work or just complaining, he’ll tell me why he doesn’t want to hear it. That it’s not part of his world so it doesn’t matter. I’ve asked him certain things to stop or change and whenever I do he’ll tell me something he needs in return. He can’t just take blame for things. Sometimes he can. But normally can’t. I definitely do not help the situation because I am at his every beck and call and he’s at none of mine. If he asks to be left alone, and I walk to another room, he says he feels guilty that I’m going away. And that he’ll just sit and stew and feel bad and then he doesn’t get his way anyway. + +He wants to be left alone a lot. Can’t ever take anything I say and listen. Always has to tell me why whatever I’m going through is something he’d love to have or how his life is worse. Example; we moved for his work. Away from my family and friends and my best friend dropped me. While she was being shitty all the time, she was the last person I had to talk to. And if I’m sad about it, he tells me that’s his dream for people to leave him alone and he doesn’t understand why I’m upset. + +If something small happens, he wildly blows it out of proportion. Especially if it’s something he doesn’t understand. I have to be careful with how I joke with him because he will take everything to heart but has zero problem disrespecting me or poking fun at me for something. If we go out at all, he doesn’t want to be there and will usually get extremely high or drunk to avoid socializing because it makes him anxious. + +I’m just not sure if this is like anything anyone has dealt with and I’m looking for advice or help or just something. Thank you for reading this long novel. I really appreciate you all.",I just need to vent about my partner.,3 +162,"Last few months I was struggeling with lots of depression. So I started looking on internet and I found lots of mental illnesses and I really felt like this one is really matching my symptoms. + +Now when I somehow improved my depression I see myself differently and I feel differently. I had depression my whole life without even realizing it, for me having depression was a normal state sme I had no idea that there is a non-depression state. + +But now when my depression improved I see that some of AvPD symptoms starting disappearing and I feel better. + +But at this point I am just not sure, I might have it and depression was making it worse. And I might now have it and it was “just” depression all the time.",I don’t know if I actually have AvPD,3 +163,"I have been very mentally exhausted. + +I don’t mind working long hours at my job, it’s just at my job there’s a lot of people around (since it’s a large store connected to a bunch of departments.) A few months since I graduated high school I’ve been working. But I can’t seem to really talk to people. I have a tendency to avoid the groups, sometimes I can’t even open my mouth. + +It’s even worse when I think about how much I suck, and how awful I look. I feel like an inconvenience and a burden, because plainly I am pretty stupid. Even though at the beginning of my job I was putting on a smile and a happy voice to convince myself it was okay, I can’t even get myself to smile or look people in the eyes unless I have to. I am so exhausted. + +I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am depressed, both mentally and physically tired. I really have no plans for my future.",Mentally Exhausted,3 +164,"I'm not sure if this is due to the disorder or not, if it's imposter syndrome, if it's from old Christian mantras of ""put others before yourself"" being baked into my psyche since childhood, or if it's a combination of all three; but I often feel like I don't do enough for other people in my life. Whether it's with other family members, close friends, or co-workers, I often get this sense. + +I work from home. And I've done a lot on our current project over the course of this past year. But now that we're sitting near the finish line, almost ready to go-live with not much else to do other than wait for the cutover, I can't help but feel some kind of guilt like I'm not doing enough. Even though I helped our team make a ton of progress in the past few months. + +With friends or family it often comes in the form of ""should I be there?"" or ""I know I be there, be present, but I really don't want to"" and then I just feel like a POS terrible friend/sibling/son/etc. for not doing it. For example, a relative of mine had a gender reveal party a few weeks ago. Naturally, I didn't go. I'm not particularly close with this family member and haven't been for years. Nonetheless I still felt like an asshole for skipping. Especially later when I talked to my dad and asked how it went; I asked ""who was there?"" and he said ""Just about everyone. Except for you"". I don't think he intended to make me feel guilty, but it kind of did. My mom corrected him later and pointed out a few other family members that didn't make it, but nonetheless I felt like I didn't do enough. Even though, again, this relative having the child and I don't really talk or show interest in one another's lives anymore. + +Another example is a friend, a close friend, who really does their best to help me get out of the house and do things. They'll invite me to things at bars or restaurants, and 9 times out of 10 I don't go. Part of me appreciates the hell out of that, because I need it, and it's nice to be included/wanted. Another part of me wishes they'd leave me alone; because I don't think I'm interesting enough or worthy enough to hang out with. Then I start feeling a whirlwind of guilt and shame for bailing out of the request. + +Wondering if all these feelings of guilt or shame are part of the disorder, or if it's something else. Anyone else experience this?",Feeling like I don't do enough,3 +165,"There’s always someone being rejected, and when they show hatred for them, I feel hated as well.",I can’t look at Reddit anymore,3 +166,"Not sure if this belongs here, but I'm so upset about this that I haven't slept all night. +My sister is my only friend. I feel like she understands me more than anyone else. I'm completely relaxed and comfortable around her; I can just be myself without overthinking what I look like and how I come across. She's basically the only person who is able to make me laugh. I've always been open with her about my thoughts, interests and even my mental health struggles. +I know it's not healthy to expect one person to be my entire social life, but I literally don't have anyone else I can talk to about anything. +Yesterday I found out that she's been lying to me by saying she's meeting up with friends from school and sleeping over at her bff's apartment, when in fact she has a rich foreigner boyfriend and she's been staying over at his place. He's also been driving her on trips to nearby cities. +I knew this day would come; my little sister had to grow up someday and get a boyfriend, but I wasn't prepared to feel so alone, abandoned and betrayed. +She never mentioned that guy to me and my father; I'm disappointed that I had to find out about him from my mother. +I still haven't talked to her since I found out about her relationship, but I can't fathom why she would hide it from me when I've always told her everything. +Of course I want her to be happy, but now all I'm left to do is wait for her to get married, move to a different country and forget about me, leaving me to rot and die miserable and alone.",Devastated after finding out my little sister has a secret boyfriend,3 +167,"In English there's both avoidant and anxious, whereas in German there's ängstlich-vermeidende (anxious-avoidant) and selbstunsichere (self insecure). The latter got me wondering if there are other names for it across the world.",Does AvPD have another name in your language?,3 +168,"I have an online friend and they really wanted me to meet their friend. I was hesitant but they told me that they’re nice so I joined their little discord server (literally had like 5 people total with me) with the intentions of maybe sending a message or two and never again. But their friend didn’t even want to say hi to me. Like my friend told him to say hi and he literally just said “no” . This happened a few days ago and I’m like really upset about it. He barely even knows anything about me. + +I talked to my friend today and they said that they think he is just jealous that i’m sort of close with them. But I’m still really really hurt and upset about. I feel like I’m not even deserving of being acknowledged or spoken to.",Did not even want to say hi to me,3 +169,,😮‍💨,3 +170,"All I know how to do is play video games, watch youtube and repeat the same things like a dumb monkey. + +The past 2 weeks, I tried taking a course in computer science and I tried starting to learn Japanese. And all I can do is watch and wait for something to click in my brain. + +There's nothing in me. No creativity, no self-sufficiency, no capacity for independent thought. + +I don't understand how I've made it this far. + +I'm scared. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.","The bar is so low, I can't even begin to describe it.",3 +171,,it is what it is,3 +172,,Found my people.,3 +173,"Is there a point where one can consider it too late to do anything? Too late to try; too late to get treatment; too late for anything and everything? Too old? Or if someone is ""too badly off?"" I've seen some people around Reddit and the net refer to failed lives. I've recently made posts and tried to look around Reddit for people in a similar situation as mine and there seems to be *nobody*. And the only conclusion I can draw is that my circumstances are too uniquely screwed up. And AvPD along with other issues all intersecting have led to a completely failed life and me as a broken mess. Growing up (or developing) AvPD in a family full of NPD didn't help. + +Most subs seem to skew younger, which has me think that everybody either resolved their issues as they grew up or are no longer alive. How has anybody dealt with utter despair and hopelessness? Feeling too old and that it's too late to change anything satisfactorily? Does anyone have other issues/diagnoses that mix with AvPD to just make things impossible?",Hopelessness/Too lateness,3 +174,"I know people with AvPD struggle to maintain friendships and I do too. + +For me, I think it's the daily (or at least frequent) messaging to stay in touch that I struggle with. I will get tired and ignore messages just because I don't have the capacity to engage with a subject that I frankly probably don't care much about or I'm just worn out by the constant interaction. The messaging for the sake of messaging gets to me. + +if it's a friend that lived far away then I'd rather not speak for 6 months and then just meet up and have a good time before reverting back to usual which for me is far less exhausting and fortunately I do have a couple that are like that. + +Anyone relate?",Quality over quantity - Friendships,3 +175,,another fear added to my list lol,3 +176,"Using my alt throwaway because reasons. Recently I’ve been having a hard time, and although I have deeply caring and wonderful people in my life, I still isolate and as much as I crave time with others I get tired so easily after a short while. Also grew up with cluster B parents and family which doomed me to some kind of mental problems. + +Lately I’ve begun to think about the idea of just leaving. Disappearing, no trace. Not suicide. I’m not suicidal at all, I mean leaving, going somewhere I’m not known, changing all my details, and completely starting over. I can’t help but feel it would make no difference to anyone, in fact it might even be better. + +I’ve googled step by step ‘how to’s ’ on it. + +I’m hoping to be able to talk to others who have been in this dark of a place and what got you through - or any advice. + +Because this is mostly just a fantasy, but the idea is sticking in my head more than I’d like it to. I don’t actually want to go through with it. I think … + +*Edit for clarity, what got you through the mental state if you’ve felt this way, not advice on disappearing. Oops!😳",Longtime lurker with AvPD just wanting to vent about the fantasy of disappearing and starting a different life,3 +177,"I got a new therapist today. I am nervous. She called and she sounds nice. I have had horrible experiences in the past, but I decided that I can no longer be stuck. I need to move forward but I need help knowing how and maybe this will be helpful. I am going to try. + +""You gotta get up and try, try, try""",I have a new therapist!,3 +178,"I went to the mall to buy some fragrances and I came off as a massive asshole to the cashiers. There was originally only one girl that was attending the area I went to, so I thought I would be fine. Wrong. She seemed like she was new and when I asked her for the fragrance I wanted she seemed confused and said she was going to get someone to help me. She came back with two women, and they’re all staring at me while I say what I want. Then one of the women she brought back started asking me questions, I wasn’t prepared for this and I sort of shut down. She asked me what I was currently wearing and I lied and said I didn’t wear anything currently, then she asked me if I would wear something sweeter than the fragrance I had picked out and I just shook my head and looked at some other bottles of perfume. I acted mostly dismissive towards the three women because I was so uncomfortable and just wanted the situation to end. I wanted to get out of the situation as fast as possible so I grabbed a different fragrance that I was familiar with and told them I would just buy that. + +I had tried to prepare myself beforehand to speak to one person, because the last time I went there was only one person I had to talk to. Talking to three people made me so uncomfortable and I acted like a dismissive asshole. I thought it would be really easy for me since I already knew what I wanted and I assumed I could just tell the lady the name of what I wanted and she would tell me whether they had it or not. I also feel really bad for the new girl because I could tell she didn’t really know what she was doing and I just made it worse for her. And the lady that was asking me questions seemed very nice and I feel bad for acting the way I did. Now that I think about it, the second lady was probably trying to set an example to the new girl and I ruined it for her. + +I had avoided buying fragrances online in fear that the bottles would break in the mail but I will probably only buy them online from now on. + +This experience made me realize that I also act cold and asshole-ish to everyone that’s not the people I live with, or my mom. But that’s also the only way I can speak to people, so I’m kind of stuck between don’t socialize at all or act cold to everyone.",I came off as an asshole today and I’m struggling with it,3 +179,"i'm not diagnosed but i always thought there was something deeply wrong with me. i've never kept a friend longer than a couple years. i'm in my second year of college and i have been at zero since covid happened. i've transferred schools so new place and new people and i'm more isolated than before. + +it feels like i'm not human because i'm unable to do the human thing and communicate. like i'm watching and observing but as an alien or a void or something that looks human but if you look to closely its all distorted. or robotic even. someone's failed attempt at a human being. + +all i do is lay in bed and ruminate over every bad interaction with past friends and family or think about how my roommates or classmates perceive me. fake conversations justifying my actions to absolutely no one. it feels like i'm going insane. i thought it was just social anxiety but i don't get panic attacks. and my reluctance and inability feels wired directly into my veins, every fiber of my being and it feels like it can't be undone. like my entire identity is wrapped up in being alone. and that's all i'll ever be.",what avoidance feels like to me,3 +180,"recently I've been distancing from my friend because I needed some space. but after a while, I noticed they seem... happier without me. like, actually laughing and smiling more, they even started talking to a very cool person. and they even talk to other ppl in the group more often. so now I'm kinda isolating myself because well... i just want them to be happy. if being absent from their life is what will make them happier, ill do that. seems like I'm just a toxic person that drains everyone around them.","as to not be a burden, i will now isolate myself. you are welcome!",3 +181,Anyone addicted to the internet like more then the rest of the world? Do you use it as coping mechanism?,Internet addiction,3 +182,,Dating someone with Avpd,3 +183,"Hello, + +I guess we all share this feeling of shame following us all around. I can't remember much of my life but I can remember almost every time I've felt shame. And I did it a lot of times. So much that even moments of my life that I had been SA are flashing in my mind all day. But other memories are just plain shame, shame of what I did in a specific moment, shame of how I reacted, what I've said, shame on how I was dressed, the way my face looked. What I recognise is that these are stupid reasons to feel shame, and I think anyone neurotypical wouldn't even think is such a big thing. I even felt shame and guilt of breaking things (because anything material has more value than me) . I legit had a panic attack once after dropping a water glass, I wanted to hold the broken glass and squeeze it with my hands until I made them disappear... I can remember most of the times I broke things. + +&#x200B; + +How do you cope with these feelings coming to your mind in your daily life? When I remember one time, I start remembering the others, they are connected and so they come all together to me and make me feel that I will never delete those moments from existence, that they already happened, that there is no way I could live with those things that happened. I feel shame from myself all the time, but when those memories come to me I want to snap out of existence. I don't know how to deal with that. Thank you.",How to cope with shame,3 +184,"well, real consequences already happened, and i avoided facing the feelings that wouldve prevented them from happening + + +but now my parents are threatening putting me in a halfway home or making me live with them again, them saying they would sell the house, which utterly terrifies me + + +but in the face of how my life has gone, suicide is also a considerable option, tho not one i can follow through on (but its becoming easier to every day) + + +its amazing how the economy and life can utterly ruin people, isnt it + + +why is it so hard for me to speak in my own voice (oh right, the trauma) + + +its really hard to drag them out of it as their minds resemble mine far too much and mine resembles theirs far too much + + +the pain of having to get a job while also not even being able to be myself in real life is really depressing, i feel like just another person with unfulfilled dreams forced to grow up and accept reality",its becoming impossible to keep avoiding my life without real consequences,3 +185,"I’m fairly certain I have avpd and have had so for the majority of my life. Like I have almost all of the symptoms down the the horrible childhood trauma that I experienced that started my downfall. Avpd is the only condition that I’ve been able to match up to down to a tee. I’ve went to therapy and discussed my issues, but it doesn’t seem like avpd is something I can ever officially get diagnosed with. + +While I’m fairly certain I have avpd, my case is more mild because it doesn’t completely shut down my life. I would consider myself with high functioning avpd. Since I was young, I’ve always been lonely and had to figure out life out on my own since I didn’t have my parents or a loving family to grow up with. As a result, out of necessity I had to be financially independent and look after myself. Working and going to college was a never an issue for me. Because of that I’ve been able to give myself a good career and more or less have an ok life. My avpd is most severe in my personal daily life away from work. It’s a daily struggle for me. I also match all of the social symptoms of avpd and live a life of loneliness because I can’t get myself out to meet people regularly. Can anyone else relate?",Is there anyone else here who checks off all of the boxes for AvPD but can’t ever get officially diagnosed with it because your case just isn’t bad enough?,3 +186,"I wonder if avoiding woman can be AvPD? I have avoided woman almost my whole life, at some point in high school I liked a girl I talked to a bit. But never full got to know her because of paranoia, of not having a car or being able to provide for her in any way. It’s probably the only time I spoke with a girl. Mainly because I was invested in wanting to be with he, but was to afraid to be with her in a relationship. + +If AvPD is not only avoiding woman for my instance then I don’t understand AvPD.","AvPD, can be avoiding woman only?",3 +187,"I haven't been diagnosed with AvPD but I think I may have this disorder. I was always an anxious child then in my teens I started taking panic attacks before any social situation but mainly before going to school, so I stopped going to school I just avoided it. I'm now nearly 30 and I've never held down a job for more than a couple of weeks and have dropped out of a few college courses due to having bad attendance. I feel like I now avoid anything that causes me the tiniest bit of stress by not leaving my house, sleeping and not letting anyone know about it. I then get really depressed and disappointed in my self. It just feels like an endless cycle of me not showing and getting down about. + +I'm just wondering how AvPD affects others and if there is anyone from the UK suffering from AvPD +Thanks",I haven't been diagnosed yet,3 +188,"I feel like I'm dying, like there's a hole in my chest and thoughts make me feel like I'm falling in. I'm also having very negative thoughts, I'm realising I'm angry at myself for being vulnerable enough for this to happen to me. Please help if you've been through this...I see no hope. P.s I mean rejected after asking a girl out I've been talking to for months.",How to deal with rejection when you have avpd?,3 +189,"Pretty much the title - I just can't stand her, I never liked her ever since I was a little kid but for me that hate went much higher beyond it. + + +Just to clarify, I don't think she is the abusive type - more like the overcontrolling and overbearing type of mom - the type that when you make a mistake or fail to do as she asks ( even if it's just the order of the way I put things in their place ) she will scold and do it herself - even if those are MY things ( she isn't satisfied with the way I put my clothes in my wardrobe or when I don't do it immediately) and barely have any respect to my privacy - In the past she wouldn't even let me close my own door so my room was always open, even this days she complain when I don't leave a gap ( but on that case I don't give a fuck anymore and barely leaves any - not a door you can close easily ) and she would always complain about im not normal or like 'the other kids/people' because I don't act or do things they do, and I cant forget her 'what you gonna do with your life, play on the computer all day? ' speech which she does when she remembers she needs to get mad or moody for no reason. + +Im afraid of embarrassing myself in public, im afraid of even doing some of the basic stuff because I don't think I can do it or I'll make a clown out of myself - and it always comes back to how I was never really taught how to control my own life and be independent - even in the few times she did taught me anything she would still eventually take control and it doesn't make me motivated to even try. one of the reasons I eat in my room is because I just don't want to be around her because I will always get criticized for something - my beard ( which no one taught me how to do it, and my dad lives abroad ) , my ears, my hair, my clothes - everything. She always tries to pick things for me to wear and while today i do wear whatever I want regardless of her opinion/picks I still remember that when I was younger she would be upset and mad if I didn't wear what she wanted me to wear ( and she still kinda give the bitch look but as I said - I still wear what I wear ) and the judgement doesn't stop at that. Her favorite habit is that on events and gatherings she would always whisper in my ear what's wrong me in the moment - could be anything from noticing something dirty or not to her eyes that no gives a fuck about, the way I behave ( WhY YoU ARe NoT SmiLing ) and all other type of shit to make me lose confidence or be overly aware of my problems. She would always try to buy me stuff I don't want or asked to get and would always expect me to thank her even if sometimes she was the one that was pressuring me to get something. + +When I think about all of this ( and other stuff ) I understand why im so incompetent, afraid of making mistakes or embarrassing myself and stuck in that avoident and depressive mind set. It's not all her - there are things I probably could've done myself ( and still can do ) and even without her the competitive and soulless society most of us are part of just adds a lot to the way we end up - and still - she has a part in why my life fucking sucks - and now I need to find a way to get back on track somehow. + +Also, today I pretty much snapped at her in an unrelated case which eventually also happened because of all those feelings I stored inside. I don't talk to her and tbh it's such a good feeling. + +P.S : if there was another post made by me that's titled the same blame my stupid phone for this XD. Im also sorry for possible grammar mistakes - don't mind someone fixin them.",I despise my mom ( 22m ),3 +190,"I'm so tired. I'm so bored. i don't do anything. I am not capable of doing anything. Everytime I try, i fail. I mess up. I cannot do anything. I cannot do anything right. I want to disappear. I cannot stand this.",I don't know what to do anymore,3 +191,"Why do I want to be famous?Someone dm me pls +This is a throwaway account. People on social media always say I’m trying to get attention but wtf is wrong with that? I don’t know for sure if I have avpd but I think I do I can’t pay for therapy I live with my mom and I hate her I’m 18 can’t drive alone I always get in crashes or get a ticket sometimes I speed because I’m mad at my uncle. I have a job but I dropped out of school because I don’t care and I have so much trauma from everything in my childhood. And anyway nothing matters now except being famous that’s all I want I just have no idea why in real life I avoid people but online I have a girlfriend and I’m obsessed with her it scares me sometimes because I can’t stop thinking about her and if she broke up with me I don’t think I could take it I’ve only met her once in real life but it doesn’t matter I talk to her all the time but the most important thing is that she talks to me and she’s obsessed with me so I need her. I think I deserve to be famous more than anyone else because I’ve been through so much and also I feel like I’m better than most people something about me is different and I’m special . Can someone dm me to talk more about this? I need to know why I want to be famous and how can I get famous? Also is it possible to have avpd and want to be famous?",Why do I want to be famous?Someone dm me pls,3 +192,"Not sure if this is just me but the more I self reflect the more i realize that im unhealthily antisocial but ok with that until i feel societal pressure to be different. Ive always been a loner and i can be like that ALL the time but the only time i feel shameful of that is when im around other people who aren’t like that and find it weird. It’s almost like one part of me desires companionship and being more friendly because that’s what you need for a “happy life” (apparently) but putting myself out there never satisfies me. Having friends just stresses me out and makes me deeply insecure there’s literally no satisfaction I get from it. I guess I’m deeply unhealthy but I love to isolate and can’t relate to others and feel insecure about it, like I wish I could be in the standard of what’s normal but I’m also really addicted to unhealthy habits. Do I sound crazy 😭 it’s hard to put into words how I feel but it’s like I’m so closed off and avoidant around people and get stressed about societal pressures but am ok with my unhealthy isolation until I realize other people don’t live their lives like that. I don’t want to miss out but find it hard to change. I guess my behavior isn’t normal but trying to fit in just makes my anxiety so bad. Hopefully somebody understands what I mean. 😭 I think this is just how it is when your mentality ill for a long period of time.",Societal Standards,3 +193,"Do you have anhedonia / lack of strong emotions? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11px78z)",Anhedonia,3 +194,"Anybody else feel like they don’t have the natural ability to have good conversations? + +Whenever I’m having a conversation with strangers, I’m often pretty quiet and I don’t know what to say (unless it’s work related or something I’m really familiar with). I think this is normal with society anxiety though + +But whenever I have conversations with a group of people I’m comfortable with, like my family, I feel like I suck at having conversations. If it’s about a topic I don’t care about, I always zone out or stare at out the window. If it’s about a topic I’m interested in, it’s so hard to wait my turn to talk. I feel so impatient to wait my turn (I can wait but it stresses me out and it’s hard to jump in sometimes). It feels like I’m going to forget what I was going to say or they’ll change the topic before I can talk. And then when I talk, I feel like people don’t really care about what I have to say. My family always talks over me or focus on what the person said before me. They never remember what I say either in the future compared to what my siblings say. It feels like a chore to have conversations, sometimes it’s just easier to stay quiet and fade into the background. + +Anybody relate",Conversations,3 +195,If I made the effort to challenge myself everyday could I eventually change and maybe even get rid of my AvPD ? So tired of living like this and I’m still young so hopefully it’s possible…,Could you change and get better through lots of effort ?,3 +196,,Went out to eat tonight,3 +197,"I think I’m doing better at socializing than before but after a big socialization day I get so worn out from all the effort it takes that I need a recovery day where I literally don’t interact with anyone or else I start shutting down. + +However society does not work on my schedule and so obviously I can’t always have a recovery. When I’m socially overwhelmed I tend to give short answers and seem super aloof, disinterested, monotone etc. sometimes people take this personally even though it has nothing to do with them, I’m just worn out. + +Usually with strangers it doesn’t matter that much because I’ll never meet them again, but with my friends or partner it can be hard. They obviously care about me and start asking, “are you mad at me? Am I annoying? Etc.” and that kind of stuff is really irritating because it requires some level of delicacy by saying “you as a person are not annoying, but I’m just really irritated right now for reasons other than you, and you are exacerbating it. But it is not your fault and there’s no reason you would’ve known this” Like I wish I could just say that but literally nothing comes out of my mouth. I can’t manage anything other than a tiny whimper of a “no…” because I at least want to preserve their feelings. + +My partner especially gets insecure and frequently asks me “are you mad at me, do you hate me, am I annoying” somewhat in jest but also to an extent it’s a reflection of real insecurities I know she has told me about. I can’t handle navigating those questions when I’m socially overstimulated but I don’t want to make her insecure worse either. I know a relationship is a two way street but I always feel like a burden for my emotions and needs :-( + +Any advice?",How to not hurt peoples feelings,3 +198,"I realised that I never really had (or was aware) of life goals or dreams I had. I think this is why I don't really feel like a person and so different from others. And why I never let anyone get close to me, otherwise they would realise how different I am and distance themselves. + +Do you have dreams and goals? Have you ever had them, maybe as kids?",Do you have goals?,3 +199,"It’s so depressing to think people have spent all these years going out with their friends and partying whilst I was just on my own in my room. I��ve always had barely any friends and never been in a relationship or had a paid job, I only managed to start doing a few hours a week voluntary work a few months ago. I watch the people around me do exciting things and make new friends and get partners whilst I’m just here bored, alone and depressed as usual. It doesn’t help that later this year I’ll move away from this town for university and I’ll probably never see most of the people I’ve spent years wanting to be friends or more with but been too scared to talk to again. It feels like this phase of my life is really slipping through my fingers and I have no time to repair it. I try to tell myself at least I have the future where I could become better and make the next phases of my life better than this one but in reality I know that I’ve just been declining for years so I doubt that very much.",I feel like I’ve missed out on my teenage years,3 +200,"and I realized that the reason I'm like this is that I've viewed other people as threats my whole life. Ever since I was little I've implicitly assumed that other people want to hurt me until and unless I have incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. I have no idea why I'm like this. It sounds like something someone who was abused would write, but I wasn't. My parents were nice and caring. I just came out wrong somehow lmao. I had nothing to be afraid of and yet I was terrified of everything :(",did a bunch of dxm yesterday,3 +201,"I just thought I would share a good thing. + +I have been trying to go to the gym for a while. I would drive to the parking lot, then turn around and go home. Today I went in, and walked on the treadmill! I feel so happy about it. + +Especially after I got the courage to go to church a few weeks ago, after missing 3 years, and saw someone very triggering and had a melt down for the rest of the day. It made me feel there might be no point in doing things, if it is just going to lead to feeling sad and stressed.",I went to the gym!!,3 +202,"I actually went to a garden party! There were tiny sandwiches, a bunch of fruit, and little cracker plates with meats and cheeses. I actually felt comfortable the whole time! + +I've been on some medicine these past few weeks (I can't remember the name) and I think they may actually be working. I still get depressed and/or anxious around the night time or when I'm not doing something. I just have to keep myself busy and I'll be okay. + +But about the party. I knew almost everyone there, I've known them for a long time now and they're closer to me than my family. I helped set up the party so I didn't feel like I wasn't being useful, I took my time this morning in making sure I looked presentable, and of course I showed up early just in case. + +The party lasted about an hour and a half, and I even got to talk with some of the people there! + + +Today is just a great day so far, and (not if but) when things start to go back down to normal, I hope I don't forget that I was able to be happy today. + +I know progress can jump forward just as much as it falls back, but I'm going to celebrate today as progress!",I went to a party!,3 +203,"I was a college freshman at the beginning of covid. I was just your stereotypical introverted/ quiet guy who also struggled in social situations. Covid gave me THE perfect excuse to avoid anything stressful. Don't have to go to class, don't have to meet anybody, everyday I just drowned myself in entertainment. Eventually I dropped out of class and basically became a shut in. + +Fast forward to a couple years later. I have no idea how time went by so fast. Everyone is all grown up and busy, people keep asking about how I'm doing at school, and everytime I lie to my parents that yeah I'm going to school, I did good on my exams, I'm about to graduate etc. It's so fucking unfair to my parents that I turned out to be such a piece of shit. + +I hate what I've become, just lies and avoidance. When I'm actually motivated to do something, I'm then immediately reminded by the reality that no matter what I do I still wasted all these years of my adulthood, that I'm still betraying my parents' expectations, that nothing I do is going to undo all the damage I did to myself. + +I'm a mess. I have no hobbies I can share with normal people, I have no humor because I don't have any experience in the real world, I can't make my family happy because I don't even like myself and it shows. + +Sorry for the rant, sometimes you take a step back and really look at the situation you put yourself in and it's unbearable. Why didn't I try harder at school? Why didn't I tell my parents the truth? Facing all these fears, I chose the easy way. And it is clearly the wrong choice, otherwise I wouldn't be suffering this much now. + +If you're reading this I hope you can learn not to be like me. Avoidance is hell.",don't be like me (little rant),3 +204,"Hour road trip with my friend to go have coffee with our other friend? + +Long story short as possible we've been ""best"" friends for almost 30 years. They both moved away from our home town over ten years ago. Now the one who lives 15+ hours away is coming for a few weeks in the summer and she wants to drive to see the one who lives a little over five hours away. He only has the day to visit. + +I am not on vacation, in fact, she's coming during a time I can't really take",AITA if I don't want to take a 10,3 +205," ""Like a clown I put on a show +The pain is real even if nobody knows +Now I'm cryin' inside and nobody knows it but me"" + + The lyrics from the song “Nobody knows” by Tony Rich Project has always really stuck with me. It illustrated perfectly how I’d felt for such a long time. It hit me like a load of bricks how beautifully it described that feeling. A feeling that I’d struggled so much to put into words was put so simply, and it brings tears to my eyes even now. How sad it is that only You would know this feeling and nobody could relate. It's a tragic love song actually but some lines of the song just resonate with me as someone with AVP. + +[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf0BA5I-A9I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf0BA5I-A9I)",Nobody Knows It But Me,3 +206,"I am an avoidant diagnosed, 30. I got high and looked inside my reality of my concept of self, I wrote down what i actually am inside. Felt like tearing into the layers of characters I built over the base of immaturity or even aware of a concept of such. + + + +Felt like a young boy with undiagnosed issues of maturity. Like a man child ugly and unresolved petty character. + +Outwardly pretending to grown but inwardly hardly even close to a understanding the concept of growth + +The gap is hugely unfilled between my physical age and the inner development. + +The concept of even self feels unexplained + +I have some yong age attachment issues that are manifested in my personality. + +My interaction with people is so shallow with no depth, not in a negative outlook, but that of a unprocessed thought of self + + +I am hardly maintaining to keep a distorted adult character on my face, I have not understood anything of heartfelt, feel good emotions as I haven't even dwelled on it and just brush it off rather to even process as mature person. + + +I just didn't realise that I have actually bypassed all this ages without feeling anything natural maturity that one goes through.",Looking inside,3 +207,"I feel like my whole existence is a failure. +I want to connect but I can‘t. I‘ve always been way too boring for others. It‘s been a bit hard lately. + +The only people I ever really connected with are people that are supposed to be authority figures (therapist and a teacher). So they kind of have to put up with me. I mean, my +therapist gets paid to talk to people. Besides that, he probably has hundreds of other clients. He‘ll probably be glad if I left, one less complicated issue to take care of. If I left, he and no one else would remember me anyways. But I honestly don‘t want to be forgotten. It hurts. + +I‘ve never spent time with people in my childhood. I was the weird gay kid, the f word. The one that gets picked last in PE class and has always been shorter and weaker than other guys. We once visited my cousins when I was very young. My father got along so much better with my cousins, who are all more boyish than I was. I was quiet and boring. My mother told me her dream +was to be a grandmother. Why else would anyone want a child? She definitely didn‘t win in the lottery because I‘m as gay as they come. + +I almost never spend time with my family, I was too young to remember my actual first holiday. It has always been just my +room and I. How am I not supposed to be hurt that the only people I enjoy talking to are people I will never spend time with outside of their job? It feels so unfair. I wish I could end it all sometimes but I don‘t want anyone to find my corpse, probably traumatizing them. + +Once again I‘m probably only doing this because deep down I want pity. But this is my only emotional outlet right now.",I wish I never existed,3 +208,,I went to class but my teacher changed it to a zoom meeting,3 +209,"I'm looking for some ideas or thoughts, every holiday since childhood (I'm 26 now) I spent in my hometown living with my parents who used to be pretty abusive. Despite them now trying to do better I still think it's not healthy for me to be there for 3 months straight but idk what to do. +I got no friends or relationship (duh) and I only finished highschool. I don't mind strangers seeing me too much, I mainly struggle with seeing someone regularly. I got few thousands saved since I never used to spend money on anything. I'm not thinking about travelling, rather renting something in nature and staying in one place for a month or two. I was thinking maybe look for an animal shelter job in my country but I doubt they'll hire me for a month, on the other hand I'm afraid I'll be completely bored. Do yall have any thoughts about that or have you done sth similar?",Where to stay during summer holidays? (1-2 months Europe),3 +210,"I used zoloft for 5 days a month ago - didn't feel a thing except an even deader libido, and worse sleep. Just wondering if any of you felt easier on it during longer periods, does it help with physical intimacy phobia and other anxiety attacks, panic, etc? I'm going to the gym and plan on doing steroids just to shoot my confidence and libido up, hoping it takes care of everything, but taking zoloft while doing that might be counterproductive. Just wondering if some of you had luck with ADs, or maybe anabolic steroids?",Does zoloft help?,3 +211,"I’m tired of wanting love. I get the courage to ask a girl out only to get shot down. I can kind of talk up people one on one but in groups I freeze. + +When you’re in a relationship, you have to form relationships with their friends and family. But that seem nearly impossible. + +Has anyone figured out how to happily detach? The only relationships I can seem to find are with women with BPD. This always leads me to ruining my life and taking 5 years to start over.",Has anyone figured out how to detach from wanting love?,3 +212,"I haven't had a bf or been intimate with a guy in 10 years. I can't fend off the feeling of desperate loneliness anymore. I've been trying Tinder for the 2nd time (used it for a brief period last year but never really talked to anyone before uninstalling) and have been forcing myself to put in an effort - responding to messages and messaging first. But it hasn't been going well...there were a few guys who I thought I was hitting it off with, but they all stopped responding to me eventually. The last one hurt the most because I had gathered up the courage to ask him to meet me. I don't know what I did wrong, I thought things were going ok, we had been chatting regularly for a little more than a week. I messaged him again this morning to let him know I was available today if he wanted to see me, and he still didn't get back to me and probably never will. + +I'm devastated right now. I was so happy about talking with this guy a few days ago and now I'm back to being as lonely as ever. Another lonely Friday night...I don't know how much more of it I can take. I don't know if I want to keep trying if it's just gong to be constant rejection. It seems inevitable, I screw everything up and drive people away with my shitty personality, I shouldn't even be surprised this happened but it still hurts so much :(",Don't know how much longer I can take the loneliness,3 +213,,Tried to make friends with my roomie,3 +214,"I can't count how many times I've begun to integrate into a new social setting, only to ghost it all without a word because of the anxiety of unspoken social expectations.","Anyone else fantasize about being a part of a community, but ghost it when given the opportunity?",3 +215,,Yay.,3 +216,Aside from this big discord one?,Are there any small group chats?,3 +217,"""Stop self harming by stalking people yada yada yada"" -- *I know!!!!* I know I know better! + +BUT. + +I'm sick of being told ""they only show the happy moments."" No shit. But they *have* happy moments. They have adventures with friends that they post every other week, or even just every month, and some of them even post every week or more. I'm in my early 20s and so many people I went to high school with are traveling the world before they're tied down with more responsibilities and their bodies fall apart (mine already is...). Not because they're rich but because they're simply financially *comfortable* and have *connections* with people (social skills). And because they're not afraid to take risks. And because they've *built a life* for themselves, an identity, since early on in high school, maybe even earlier, which makes doing all of this feel normal to them, makes it all so much easier for them. + +And if they're not traveling, they're still going on smaller adventures with friends and gfs/bfs. Or they're performing in a band at local venues (and they're actually good now). Or they're about to graduate college. Envy kills me. + +I'm so fucked up, I took a ""gap year"" to figure out what I want to do with my life only to drop out of an overpriced community college this year because I still feel too directionless. + +And I know I could have at least a small chance at what these people have if only I would get off my ass instead of sulking. I actually just checked (more like *stalked* because I'm not following any of these people) Instagram for the first time in months. Hurt even more than it did the last time. And in those months where I stopped looking at their lives, did mine improve? Did pretending they aren't living happy, fulfilling lives by avoiding their social media posts altogether make my life any better? Contrary to what every mental-health-guru-genius on Reddit claims: no, it didn't make my life any better. I'm still stuck. I try my hardest every day and I'm still stuck. + +Sure. I've finally had a job at this point in my life (retail, but I snapped and quit). I can drive now, though I hate it. I can go by the mall by myself and do some shopping, not that I have money to spend. And yet it's nothing. It means nothing because it's not enough. Not enough for society and not enough to make me feel fulfilled because it means nothing without other people.",What I see on Instagram IS real -- and it's killing me inside (A self-pitying post for your viewing pleasure),3 +218,"I opened up to coworkers about being bisexual, and it feels AWFUL feeling so vulnerable and exposed. It feels really bad giving people ammo to judge you. But I took a big risk opening up to them, in hopes it brings us closer. We'll see how it pays off, but right now it feels super uncomfortable.",Being vulnerable sucks,3 +219,"This is in response to another post about the strip club. Anyway, my friend took me and paid for a lap dance. + +From this experience I learned something. I don't think it's for me. In fact, I think I'm a sexless sort of entity, like a fungus or a germ. + +The part on stage was super awkward. I ended up trying to put money into the stripper's fat roll because I was too nervous to find the strap. (Are you feeling my cringe?) + +Then there's the fact that she spent a lot of time putting her butt in my face. So the thought of buttholes was just ever present and killed the mood for me. I was also hyper aware of my face and trying to either keep a straight face or ""look impressed""/ ""don't give away that I'm not feeling it."" + +Then, my friend insisted on buying that same lady for the lap dance. I was trying to politely say ""no"" but he didn't understand. Also, he bought two or three... Anyway, she kept grinding up on me. Now, another poster here told me that nobody would be paying attention to whether or not you become... ""aroused."" But trust me, she noticed. And she seemed kind of mad about it. And I ended up being depressed because I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong with me. I mean, not even a twitch. + +I was so relieved when it was over. And I don't think I'm ever going back. Good learning experience, I guess.",The Strip Club pt.II,3 +220,"Having a caretaker that herself demonstrated anxiety -- at least when I was 5 years old or older, was a major problem for me. + +Her crying and certain angry responses to distress really messed me up, I think. + +Her low level of confidence, relative to my dad -- though, even my dad is low in emotional intelligence. + +It is only now that I realize that it had a negative impact on me.",Anyone have a low-confidence anxiety-driven mom?,3 +221,"I have AvPD BPD and major depression myself. + +I was wondering what you deal with in your daily lives.",What comorbidities do you all have?,3 +222,"So, a couple of days ago I opened up about my anxiety and all the mental struggles I deal with, to a friend. Now I feel like I over shared and feel guilty by doing so. I feel vulnerable whenever I am with him like I can't hide behind a mask. It feels so scary when you feel like they will also leave you eventually because they see the real you.",I think I made a mistake,3 +223,"Just forgetting it and realizing that I will not carry those people along with me for the rest of my life has been such a boon. + +Those were just a random assemblage of people thrown at me. Nothing less, nothing more. + +They don't matter to me anymore.","Anyone scarred by 1 period in their life? For me, it was High School.",3 +224," + +Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD) is a mental health condition characterized by feelings of extreme shyness, fear of criticism or rejection, low self-esteem, and avoidance of social situations. Here are 100 common behavior patterns that individuals with AVPD may exhibit: + +1. Avoiding social situations and events +2. Feeling uncomfortable or anxious in social situations +3. Being excessively self-conscious +4. Being overly sensitive to criticism or rejection +5. Having a fear of negative evaluation +6. Having a tendency to isolate oneself +7. Feeling inadequate or inferior to others +8. Having difficulty making and keeping friends +9. Having difficulty expressing emotions +10. Having difficulty establishing intimate relationships +11. Having a fear of being ridiculed or humiliated +12. Having a fear of disapproval +13. Being overly concerned with what others think of them +14. Avoiding eye contact +15. Having difficulty initiating conversations +16. Being passive or submissive +17. Being excessively cautious or hesitant +18. Being preoccupied with the possibility of failure +19. Being overly self-critical +20. Having a fear of being embarrassed +21. Having a fear of being judged +22. Having a fear of being rejected +23. Having a fear of being abandoned +24. Having a fear of intimacy +25. Having difficulty trusting others +26. Having difficulty asserting oneself +27. Being overly dependent on others for approval +28. Being overly sensitive to the moods and feelings of others +29. Being overly sensitive to rejection or criticism +30. Being overly sensitive to perceived slights +31. Feeling like an outsider +32. Feeling like they don't fit in +33. Having a low sense of self-worth +34. Being overly self-critical +35. Being overly perfectionistic +36. Being overly cautious +37. Being overly anxious +38. Being excessively self-conscious +39. Having a tendency to avoid eye contact +40. Having a tendency to avoid confrontation +41. Having a tendency to avoid conflict +42. Having difficulty speaking up for oneself +43. Having difficulty expressing opinions +44. Having difficulty saying ""no"" +45. Having difficulty making decisions +46. Feeling overwhelmed by new situations +47. Feeling anxious in unfamiliar situations +48. Being uncomfortable in group settings +49. Being uncomfortable in crowds +50. Being uncomfortable with strangers +51. Being uncomfortable with physical touch +52. Feeling like they are being judged or evaluated by others +53. Feeling like they are being watched or scrutinized +54. Feeling like they are being criticized or judged unfairly +55. Being overly self-conscious about appearance +56. Being overly concerned with appearance +57. Feeling like they are not good enough +58. Feeling like they are not deserving of love or attention +59. Having a tendency to ruminate on past events +60. Having a tendency to dwell on mistakes +61. Having a tendency to worry excessively +62. Feeling like they are not capable of handling new challenges +63. Feeling like they are not capable of handling stress +64. Feeling like they are not capable of handling success +65. Having difficulty accepting compliments +66. Feeling uncomfortable with praise +67. Having difficulty with public speaking +68. Being uncomfortable with attention +69. Having difficulty with authority figures +70. Having difficulty with criticism +71. Feeling like they are not understood by others +72. Feeling like they are not appreciated by others +73. Feeling like they are not respected by others +74. Having difficulty making eye contact with authority figures +75. Having difficulty standing up to authority figures +76. Feeling like they are not taken seriously by others +77. Feeling like they are not valued by others +78. Feeling like they are not heard by others +79. Having difficulty with change +80. Being resistant to change +81. Having difficulty adapting to new situations +82. Feeling uncomfortable with uncertainty +83. Having a tendency to avoid taking risks +84. Having a tendency to stay in familiar, safe situations +85. Being overly dependent on routines +86. Being overly attached to familiar people, places, or objects +87. Feeling uncomfortable with spontaneity +88. Feeling uncomfortable with surprises +89. Having difficulty with assertiveness +90. Feeling uncomfortable with conflict resolution +91. Feeling uncomfortable with negotiation +92. Having difficulty with decision-making +93. Being indecisive +94. Being easily influenced by others +95. Being overly accommodating +96. Being overly apologetic +97. Being overly deferential +98. Feeling like they are a burden to others +99. Feeling like they are a disappointment to others +100. Feeling like they are invisible or insignificant. + +It's important to note that not everyone with Avoidant Personality Disorder exhibits all of these behavior patterns, and some people may exhibit different behavior patterns depending on the situation or context. Additionally, these behavior patterns can vary in severity and frequency from person to person.",Asked ChatGPT to list 100 behavior Patterns that individuals with AVPD may do,3 +225,"I know that not all people with AvPD have friends or want friends. For those who made friends in the past or want to make friends with others, do they (or you) have a preference in people they (you) feel more comfortable with being around and with being/becoming friends with them? What did those people have in common?",Is it common for people with AvPD to have a specific preference in friendship and to feel more comfortable around a certain type of people?,3 +226,"After not being able to step foot out of the house without my ex driving me, I finally was able to step up and go on public transit by myself. + +It’s been 2 years since I’ve taken the bus. I honestly did not know what I was doing- but I asked the drivers for help and directions as to which bus to get on next etc etc… + +Social anxiety was at an all time high and still is, writing this on the way home. So many people are on this bus and the only thing I’m thinking about is “when do I get home” and “why are they looking at me”. + +Realistically they’re looking at me because people have eyes and observe what’s in front of them, and scolding myself that they don’t have hidden agendas is helping lol. + +For anyone who hasn’t been able to take public transit because of this stupid fucking difficult disorder, I sympathize. It gets easier. + +Don’t have much to say, just wanted to share bc this is a massive achievement for me.",I took public transit today.,3 +227," +Relationships seem pointless, and I don’t know if I could even handle being in one anyway. I’ve basically been alone my whole life and I don’t know how to be anything else. I’ve never even had a crush on an actual person. It sounds conceited but nobody I’ve met is interesting to me in that way, and I feel like if I gave someone a chance I’d just end up breaking their heart because of this nothingness inside me. Right now I can’t even imagine myself being intimate with anyone, and I feel like I’m not emotionally available enough to have someone rely on me like that. They’d probably end up feeling more like a burden to me more than anything, and I don’t want to do that to anyone. + +I really hope one day I’m wrong and I’ll meet someone that makes me feel a little more human, but I don’t have much hope.",At this point I don’t think there’s anything in this world that can cure this innate sense of loneliness inside me. Am I destined to be like this forever?,3 +228,"But, I don't even wanna get to know them at all? It's like, I'll get sad and feel like no one wants to be around me and I'm excluded a lot. I'm never the first choice. But if I actually get it my way and get included and someone try to befriend me, I suddenly lose interest and change my mind. It's very annoying. I know I actually don't wanna befriend anyone right now, but I get sad when I'm excluded or not chosen regardless. I wish I could be more careless. + +I know why this is tho. Because if they actually show interest in befriending me and they find me pleasant to be around I will get kinda overexcited and will be with them at all times, and sometimes that scares people away. It's either I avoid people like the plague or I get too attached. Both is equally as bad tbh. + +But, I can't help but feel sad when I see people get along so well so easily and so fast, while I'm sitting by myself. There's times I starve, not on purpose, but because I don't wanna sit in the cafeteria at school. Where do I even sit. This week I've only eaten two pizza slices and some candy, also drank some chocolate milk. I just don't wanna be around anyone. I managed to grab some dinner from the cafeteria earlier tho (I live on campus). + +I have two years left of my time at school and I'm trying to just force myself through it all. I know I won't get better and I can't try as much as I would like, but I know I'll go back to being avoidant the second something goes wrong. I can be the most friendliest person you've ever met and be lively and bubbly, but the very second someone shows the most minuscule sign they don't enjoy being around me, I start to go into avoidant mode. I'll lock myself up in my room and go offline from all social medias, play games all day, appetite depletes and all that stuff. It can last for months. + +Well anyways, that was just a little rant if you will. I don't have anyone to talk to obviously and thought maybe someone here would understand and relate. At least it helps a little","I get very down when people don't include me socially, but",3 +229,"Went on a date a week ago (for the first time in years). Normally I am not attracted to people, but this time I felt super attracted to this person. Good talks and the whole day we spent together. We had sex, but I did not sleep at that person’s place bc that’s too intimate for me (I see sex a something purely physical, but sleeping is too scary for me). However that person didn’t text me for a week, so I texted to ask to go to a concert with a mutual friend. Still no response (for 2 days). I feel so insecure and rejected and it confirms the negative view I already have about myself. I really would like to have a relationship and fall in love, but even dating makes me feel so worthless, ugly, stupid and anxious (even after one date). Sorry for the vent but this is the only place I feel I can share this. Other people say that I just need to relax, stop overreacting and stop being insecure and blablabla. That’s why I never share these feelings with people",I’d rather be alone than feel like this,3 +230,"There were few people who I just get to know and they almost instantly were like “I have this mental illness/disorder that I am stalking people I know”, I was thinking like “oh, okay, thanks for telling me”. + +I don’t know why people do that, do I look like some mental health professional or psychiatrist? 🤷‍♂️",People have tendency telling me their mental health problems,3 +231,"The other day my mum left the house and my dog had zoomies. I thought; how strange. Maybe she is glad she has me all to herself. + +Then I became aware that all the tension went out the door with her. + +I've been so isolated with only my mum as 'company' that I forgot how different, kind and cool other people can be. I'd become a bit of a misanthrope. However on walks I've met some really genuine and good people. It was shocking., I couldn't believe it. It's making me realise how harmful being in constant contact with my mother {who is extremely toxic} is for my affiliation with humans. + +I can't wait to move away from her. Maybe I'm not doomed to be alone.",My dog is teaching me just how destructive my mum was for me growing up and now.,3 +232,"Soooo...I'm 44 years old. I have a group of about 15 friends in my home town (in another state to where I live), but 14 of them I did not make. ALL of those 14 were made by my best friend back in school (who I befriended at age 14), who is quite outgoing. And then we just had this friendship group which started at 4 and then eventually grew, and I count them all as my friends, but I never actually made any of them myself. + +I made not a single friend in university. I made 2 friends at my first job when I was 22, but we never saw each other outside the workplace and I haven't heard from them in 20 years, since I left there. + +I made 2 friends at a subsequent workplace when I was about 30, but one kind of kept trying to be my friend SO insistently that eventually I gave in, and she was fun and nice, but I haven't seen her for over 10 years. The other one I realised later was my Favourite Person / FP (BPD lingo), and that is the only reason I was interested enough to want to get to know her and want her to get to know me. I had a platonic crush on her. Even so, after 2 years, my interest fizzled and I haven't heard from her since, also about 10 years ago. + +Then, when I was 40, I made a friend here in my building (she lives in my home town most of the year but has a place here too), and she became my Favourite Person, which again, is why I let her in and we became close. Again, my feelings of attraction fizzled after about 2 years and we're still friends, but I hardly see her as she doesn't live here most of the time. + +So, I feel like my friends are all mainly made via my original friend, who I made at age 14. And now, 30 years later...I still don't really have any friends and haven't really made any. + +Is that weird?",I just realised I don't seem to make friends,3 +233,"I find it extremely anxiety inducing to be disliked, and appearing rude or non caring elicits this reaction from others. + +The funny thing is, I am continually, day after day, in my attempts not to appear this way, am this way. I don't give solid eye contact to others, mere glances, I hide myself away in plain sight with poor, meek body language, I carry myself without confidence to avoid interactions. + +All in vain attempts of appearing, in my delusional mind, 'nice'. It is so self destructive, you essentially let people walk over you, ignore you, in some desire to be liked. By people who dislike you, will come to dislike you as a result of your behaviours, or simply horrible people who you wouldn't want to like you. + +Let me give an example, of what I'm thinking. + +You're shopping for groceries, you want to look at a shelf which is currently occupied by someone else, you need something on that shelf, like a tin of food or something. Usually I will see this and think 'oh my god, don't want them to know I need something there' heavens forbid if they see me, what will they think? So I quickly change direction and pretend to look at other items until they move. +So, instead, why not stand in their shadow, and wait patiently, let your presence be seen, in an ideal world, ask them to make space if you know exactly what you need but that would come when you're more confident? So yes, stand next to them, and don't budge, just let them know non verbally, you're waiting. + +Another example, you're at the cashier, they're doing your items, I always look everywhere but where I need to look, I lose focus on what I should be looking at, which is the items I'm paying for, the cashiers eyes in case they're trying to communicate something. And what if they say something, small talk for instance, well maybe I'm not in the mood to pursue further small talk, so why not just give closed answers, why do I feel the need to fill the silences, to say whatever I can to appear 'normal'. I come across as flustered, shy, unconfident, I see it in their faces, they see the fear, they see the disgust on my face believing I'm a wrongin or something but it's really just negativity brewing inside of me of being in such a anxiety inducing situation that causes these expressions on my face, then they mirror it. And I think awful things about myself. +So why not stay calmer, speak slower, not try and have a positive small talk experience, just take things at my own pace. Otherwise I leave feeling utterly embarrassed, ashamed, and the next time I shop there and there my cashier they're going to hate that I'm there. As opposed to being more stoic and less nervously chatty. + +I'm rambling a bit, losing focus on my words, sorry but some of that probably doesn't make sense. I hope you get the type of rude I'm talking about. It's not purposefully being rude. It's more, being true to yourself, being comfortable in your own body and standing up to be counted as an equal. Something I avoid. + +Any ideas or experiences, suggestions on these niche topic please?",Is it okay to appear rude to others?,3 +234,"Did you get famous through writing, blogging or designing etc online? + +How did you deal with it? + +How did it make you feel?",Are you pseudonymously famous irl? How did it impact you?,3 +235,"This might be silly questions to ask but does anyone else feel like they're younger than their actual age? Like their mindset is younger than the age that they are? + +I'm guessing it's maybe due to lack of social interactions with people in the same age group but i just want to know if anyone else feels like this",DAE feel like they're not their age,3 +236,"I've always had a good amount of self-awareness but with that, I can see the depth of problems. I know the minimum depth and it is already potentially too much. My ability to change is not as much now, my brain is not set up for normal life. I've become institutionalized. I'm past 30yo, I can't relate to average people, I'm cynical of most, and the ones I'm not cynical of want nothing to do with me.","The hole I'm in is deep, not sure I can get out",3 +237,"I'm a mental cripple. I'm 25 years old, and I missed all the formative experiences in my life. Relationships, kissing, having sex. Dogshit family + 12 years of bullying, and this is what's left. Legit, what the fuck lmao? And you know what's funny? I realized this couple of months ago. I legit had NO IDEA that I had it insanely bad up until now. Drunk friend got on top of me, we made out, she started undressing, and I legit just stared at her BLANK. Had no idea what to do, why she would do that, and what to think. That's when it hit me. I'm an absolute social failure. I can never initiate anything, I never talk about emotions, and now I truly understand the only way I'll ever have sex is by getting raped. That's it. I CAN'T EVEN RETURN A FUCKING HUG! I don't want to be like this. I'm fucking 25 already. I legit didn't care about any of that until I realized how nice a kiss felt. I can only imagine what sex feels like. I fucking hate my life. I fucking hate I'll never get to be with someone because all I can do is shut inside myself, and cry from a distance. Funny thing is I'm fit and average looking, with a way above average salary. But it's all useless when I have absolutely 0 social skills. Fuck my parents and fuck my bullies. I can't go back in the past. I will always be like this. I already missed on my youth. It's legit not fair.","What the hell do I do, lmao?",3 +238,,people are my kryptonite,3 +239,"I generally like my therapist. I think he's the best one I've found so far. But today's session just proved that he doesn't understand. And I admit that my inability to open up is a barrier to make much progress. But I heard the same generic advice....go out. Meet people. Do something fun. And that's not BAD advice. Probably should do that. But the problem is, every time I go out, I feel anxious, self-conscious, and ashamed. I don't even think I have social anxiety. Shy but not on that level. I can handle BRIEF, infrequent, surface level conversations. Anything more than that is a no-go. So I seem more outgoing than I am. And it's like he focuses on my lack of relationships so that's what I bring up. I think it's because he's a solution-focused therapist, and he doesn't seem too concerned about the past/understanding one's self. Just do it pretty much. CBT. Opposite of feeling action. Which is all true. But honestly, I isolate because I'm depressed. Which is why I don't maintain relationships or want to put myself out there. So I don't know what to do. I don't know what my problem is. I'm just over it. Older, seasoned avpd-ers if that's a thing, any advice for me? Should I stick therapy out or just forget it? He's like the 3rd long-term ish therapist I've been with, and I don't want to dump him out the blue like all the rest.",Do therapists even understand AVPD?,3 +240,"I know I should just message, should just talk to them, but I feel paralyzed and afraid, this sucks",Paralyzed with choice,3 +241,"Does exposure therapy or testing your fears work for AvPD? + +my therapist is pushing me into exposure therapy. I think I do have mild form of AvPD since it does effect me, i have anxiety issues and depression but it doesn't always keep me from doing something. I try to get around it most times but when I have to, i do it even though I feel anxious",does exposure therapy work for AvPD?,3 +242,"I mean, I've never been diagnosed cause I'm afraid of going to the psychiatrist and discovering I'm a real shit, but this days I was doing a personality check from Twitter just for the joke, and the result (avpd) came so close home I felt offended. +I grew up always walking behind my group of friends. I could never do anything apart from others. In any social situation it has always been my role to be the child in the corner or the one following the parents. +It doesn't help my father is a controlling sexist. I've never slept out my own house, never dated someone openly (afraid he would beat me up), never visited my friends houses (I don't even know if I can call them friends). +I'm nerdy but not smart. I always got high grades in school, but I never liked being complimented on it because I thought most of my grades came from the cheating sheets I made to remember the subjects before the exams. +If I have to talk with someone for anything, I have a script in my head I have to follow to ensure I'm not saying anything idiot. +After graduating from school, I fell for my relative's advice and did not leave my hometown, preferring to go to college in the neighboring city and work with that relative. Well, we had a fight and I had to quit uni cuz I was fired. +I couldn't muster up the strength to deliver resumes in my city due to sheer shyness. +Five years have passed since then. I'm almost 23 years old. I'm just a high school graduate. No professional course taken, no money in hand, living with my parents...I still don't want to hand out resumes, I don't want to get in touch with people... I long for physical contact, but I don't have the courage to get close to anyone... +So, to you guys who suffer from avpd, how do you cope with this shit? How do you guys have strength to work? + +(Sorry, my thoughts were all over the place while I was writing, so please forgive me if it sounds confusing.",Am I a piece of shit or what?,3 +243,"i dont know if my flair is correct? idk. +last night around 2 am, she passed. my sweet lilith. i had her for a good 7 years and she was a darling, so sweet and kind, jumpy and squeaky, all up until the last couple days where she suddenly became so tired. her last day came around and i just *felt* it. she was so exhausted. i tried to get her into my local vet yesterday but they said they didnt have time for her that day? so we stuck it out, hoping i would get her in today, but. there wasnt time. i gave her as much water as she would take before she passed, tried to feed her, and mostly just. talked to her and praised her and loved her. i held her all night. she hadnt eaten in a day already, aside from the very few nibbles she'd taken from what i tried to give her. tomato was her favorite food, so i brought her some tomato last night as she was on her last leg. it was her last treat. i was surprised she came running for it, despite her exhaustion, and she had a little nibble. just a little. i wanted her to have more, but she was so tired and im glad she had even that. everything seemed so much for her. she snuggled with me in some of her last moments before i tucked her back in her cage where she felt safest. and she passed. +i have friends, but not very close ones anymore, as ive isolated myself so much. i feel very, very alone, and i dont know if there's anything else for me here. i think there's probably not. im so, so tired and im ready to give up. my parents are going away for the weekend and, with the way things are lining up, i wonder if now is the time. +i guess im just posting this to vent, or maybe to have someone for a little bit, or maybe a call for help, or something. i dont know. but im so tired and sad and afraid and alone and im so over it all. i want it to end so badly and. idk. im sorry, i really am, i just want it all to end. i want it to be over so badly.",my guinea pig passed and now there's just me,3 +244,"I met him on vacation, and we hung out for two days together at the swimming pool. I'm a very socially anxious person, but with him, I felt like I've known him for years. One night, he told other teenagers that he liked me. They all told me, and they were hyping me up saying stuff like ""oh look your boyfriend's here"". I was so excited. I never had a guy like me before. Ever. All my life, I was treated as a freak, so I was just glad for this opportunity for something special. So I went up to him and asked him if he liked me. He told me he had a girlfriend, and got really mad at our friends for telling me. + +He cut off all contact with with me after. I blocked him on Instagram after he rejected my Instagram request. I was so sad that the guy I liked decided it would be best if he never saw me again. The one person who saw me for all the good I have to offer, and he still gave it up. They broke up two months later, and he still looks at my social media. We're not in contact, but according to my friend, a playlist on his Spotify was made as a birthday present to me. But I don't forgive him. I've never had the privilege of falling in love before, and he just took it away from me. How could we truly ever be in love when he didn't want me? When he chose to let me fall into the abyss? I trusted him. I had confidence that he was a nice person, and it was all a lie.",I hate my crush for further reinforcing my insecurities,3 +245,,How Loneliness Reshapes the Brain,3 +246,"I take online classes and only leave my house for therapy or medical appointments. I am usually too afraid to talk to people online even in anonymous online spaces. I've always been a loner but for about a year it's been worse than ever. Literally zero friends. + +The severe isolation has caused me to forget how to socialize and behave around other people. I get so awkward and nervous and don't know how to carry on normal conversations. Even the dialogue in my writing is unnatural and weird. + +I see people online and even in this sub who aren't total loners and have friends or even partners. How? Why is everything so hard for me? Why can't I just be normal and function like everyone else?",Why am I such a loser,3 +247,No matter what social setting I’m in I’m always the odd one out. I feel like I physically can’t talk. I only speak when someone initiates and even then the conversation just ends almost instantly cause of my bad social skills. I wanna be normal and be able to make small talk and actually have relationships with people. I feel so alone and I don’t know how to change. I’m 22 and wish I could have friends and go out like other people my age. Was considering going to the Disney college program but I know it’ll just be the same no friends and I’ll just be the weirdo everyone avoids. Please I really want to change my life I need some advice. Did medicine or therapy help any of you? Did anyone get better on their own? A part of me just wants to be courageous and force myself to talk to people. I know I’ll be unsuccessful but maybe I’ll get better with time :(,I wish I could socialize normally and make friends,3 +248,"What's your aftercare after socialising, if the interaction has been neutral or negative?",Post-socialisation stress,3 +249,"My kid has been having issues with this teacher all year. They really struggle with concentration and memory and the teacher has been terribly unsupportive. It's the only class my kid has been failing. + +A few months ago my kid was diagnosed with cancer. We set up a 504 to reduce the amount of assignments and give them extended time. + +They were then out of school for two weeks for surgery. All of their teachers except the problem teacher followed the 504 and greatly reduced the amount of their makeup assignments. + +Regardless, my kid worked hard to turn in a large portion of the assignments. Yet, they're still failing that class. + +I emailed the teacher today to make sure she graded all the assignments. She told me she did, but otherwise did not give me any helpful information in getting my child's grade up. I then asked if she has been following the 504 plan and I've not received a response. + +I've already been second guessing whether I was too aggressive in my emails, but at the same time I feel like I'm going to have to escalate it with the school. + +I'm stressed and I've been fucking sick to my stomach all day. I'm cycling between anger and embarrassment and I'm going nuts. + +Just needed to vent 😞 + +Edited: Thank you everyone for your encouragement. I've been in continued correspondence with the teacher. She stated that she has already reduced the amount of work, but I still have issue with the amount and content. + +I also elaborated on the fact that my child has been having issues all year only in this class. My child has told me they're afraid of this teacher and they struggle with her teaching methods. The teacher had no helpful comments, and has only repeated that ""the issue is missing assignments"" as if I don't have eyes. She also said she thinks they can turn this semester around if ""we"" can motivate them, and thinks they are not having academic difficulties. This rubs me the wrong way because motivation starts in the classroom and she's clearly been lacking. + +PT conferences are tomorrow, I'll be talking with the principal.",I confronted my kid's teacher today,3 +250,"I don’t know what to do in therapy, we usually just sit there in silence as my therapist does “grounding exercises” (saying things like notice the things around you, your breaths, all your senses etc) to help with my anxiety and then she asks the dreaded question: “What do you want to work on today?” Like hell if I know, even when I do know I won’t say it cause of my anxiety. I told her about my anxiety and possible AVPD which we’ve been “learning about” together (even though it’s information I already know but honestly at least we’re doing something). I want to get deep into my trauma, my mentality, my thought processes, who I am, just everything about what caused this hell but I feel like we’re getting nowhere because my therapist doesn’t bring us anywhere. It’s like asking a blind man for directions. I tried telling her that I like it when she leads the conversation which she has been trying, but in the end she’s not leading enough. I know in therapy a therapist shouldn’t lead and let the patient control their session but honestly I just wish someone would ask me a bunch of very leading “harsh” to the point questions with no way out so I can talk about my feelings without feeling guilty and selfish or embarrassed. + +&#x200B; + +I know nobody is probably going to answer, but in the minuscule chance that you do, you have my Eternal thanks and appreciation.",How do you make therapy work?,3 +251,"I'm 21 and I'm going back to college soon. I'm really afraid about the socialization part that comes with college. I think I have avoided getting help for so long but I reached a point of crisis because I have no idea of who I am and hurted a person very badly. + +Wish me luck! It really feels like a big step, I want to say I'm proud of me for me doing this. I have been scared but I hope I can improve",I'm going back to therapy,3 +252,"I feel bad for making another post here but I just want to see if anyone has experienced this and recovered. I feel like being isolated and particularly avoidant over the last year has completely fried what little personality I had. I think a mix of depression, apathy and mental anguish from little human contact has left me as this husk of a person. I was never good at connecting with people but now it seems impossible. I'm so distant and just don't have it in me to feign excitement or interest during social interactions anymore. I'm not sure how to work on things when I'm this robot with no substance to my character. It makes every attempt to speak to someone strange and awkward. It makes me feel like I have nothing to offer to another person in a conversation or interaction.",Fried my personality,3 +253,"I have wanted to dye my hair blonde for years and recently got out the mental hospital and decided to just go for it. I made a hair consultation appointment and had to get the bus then walk a long way through town to get there. Saw loads of people around my age with friends, socialising, laughing. It hurt so much. Then at the hairdresser being reminded I’m not normal as I try and fake being so for the consultation. Next week I have to sit an hour and 45 minutes while they dye my hair. Why is socialising so difficult. I hate leaving my house and being reminded of what I am.",Trip to hairdresser was really difficult,3 +254,"I’m leaving this weekend, not telling anyone where I’m going and leaving my keys with a note explaining I’m okay and not to look for me. Changing my number and not giving it to anyone + +I suffer from really severe social anxiety to the point where I even isolated myself from my family. I feel like I have nothing here. No friends, no job, I messed up my relationship with my family by barely leaving my room. They all think I’m awkward and weird. It doesnt help I’ve become a pretty bitter and rude person over the last couple years because of how miserable I am in my life (my fault I know). Feel like I have screwed my life up too much, I’m an embarrassment and want to go where nobody will recognize me + +My mom was ashamed of me ever since I started being socially anxious around 6th grade. She hated how quiet and unpopular I was. She can also be very clingy, overprotective and worried too much. I can’t handle it anymore, I feel totally smothered. I just want to get out on my own even if I’m living in my car for a while. But I am starting to feel extremely guilty because I know she’s going to freak out when she sees the note, probably have a panic attack and call the whole family probably telling them I’m “missing”. I feel like my parents do not trust me whatsoever and see me as some useless idiot that will never be able to have her own life + +I’m planning on alternating between motels, sleeping in my car and working my way up to renting a room in someone’s house somewhere",Starting to feel really guilty over ghosting my entire family,3 +255,I’m a senior in high school and after being on this subreddit for a month I’m terrified of going to college. Granted I was terrified before that. Before I figured I’d take a gap year to figure things out and I didn’t feel like I was in a good position to do well in college. But now I’m realizing I was just avoiding applying because I was scared to be rejected. Or maybe I was scared of what would happen if I was accepted. I don’t know what I want to get into and it’s scary how relatable a lot of these post feel. And what scares me more is that I keep seeing posts about people having to tell their parents they dropped out of college. Is that going to be me??? Am I just going to be a drop out?? Should I even try?? I don’t know but now I’m worried I’m going to get to comfortable once I’m out of school and will be too scared to return. Uuugh everything is so frustrating I wish I could just be normal and I don’t know what to do but I’m curious to know other people’s experience with college,I’m scared of going to college,3 +256,"This is what my sister told to me: + +“Mom said she wants to wrap her hands around your neck and strangle you or grab you and punch u in the face” + +I have been debating how I could ever tell my family about dropping out of my degree. It has been a horrible shame to carry. Last night, I told them about my struggles. I told them at length how I feel like I don’t deserve anything, even the air I breathe. My last chance to try for understanding from them instead of shame and blame. + +Now… I think I’ve made a horrific mistake",I did it. I told them. It was a mistake,3 +257,"I came across this company that makes plushies off of disorders and other disabilities and there was one for avpd. not sure how I feel, I guess since it's the first I see avpd incorporated anywhere lol. just wanted to see you guys' thoughts on this + +[https://www.instagram.com/p/CpcL9bvO\_W\_/](https://www.instagram.com/p/CpcL9bvO_W_/)",found an avpd plush ?,3 +258,"I am scared because I had to do something today but postponed it to tomorrow. Planning to wake up at 4am to do it but it's 12pm already. I had to send an email to a coworker explaining how far i reached in solving an issue so they can take over but i have made 0 progress in it even though i took 2 fucking weeks for it. I also can't say that i didn't make any progress because i told my boss otherwise. I just don't start my work itself because I am too scared to encounter new issues that i won't be able to solve. Procrastination is fucking me up. I don't even know what or why I am typing. I feel i just keep feeling sorry for myself and don't really do much to improve. + +Anyways I am preparing side by side for a career shift but i dont see how it would be much better as the issue mainly lies with me and everyone in my job are great people. I just think way to hard on how to appear a certain way to others because I base my self worth on others opinion of me which I am trying to change but honestly don't see it getting much better. + +I went to different psycologists and psychiatrists in the past but never sticked to any. My mind kept finding reasons to not continue even tho some of the meds helped me at the time. I will probably go to a therapist again. Thank you if you read so far. I need friends who can understand my situation and want to get better too. Any resources links or advices you can offer for my situation are most welcome, thank you again.",I need to get better,3 +259,"I’ve had some people from this sub reach out to me in the past looking to chat but I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do so. I now have some more free time and would like to chat with some fellow AvPDers. + +I find that no matter where I’m at with this disorder it’s always a comfort to know there are people out there who “get it”, and I’d enjoy trying to support others on their journey with this PD :) + +DMs open!",Looking for a chat buddy,3 +260,Hey guys! Everytime I get into a new relationship I self destruction with anxiety. I lose myself lose ability to eat and sleep and get extreme anxiety. Last time I spoke to a girl that I really liked for 3 days and as soon as I felt that she is the perfect one for me I went into severe anxiety and panic. And just ghosted her. I'm tired of this shit. I haven't been diagnosed yet. But everytime it's a new relationship and I like the person I self destruction and spiral into depression and I just ghost the person because I choose my sanity first,I think I belong here.,3 +261,"In the sense that since avoidance worked dealing with earlier trauma, you just (involuntarily and unaware) start applying it on everything that causes fear?",Is avoidance a trauma response/coping mechanism gone awry?,3 +262,"My mother has a drinking problem. I don’t have much contact with her as she ran away for drugs when I was a kid, but have tried to be a part of her life now for a few years. She was in rehab and were now a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, but then she called me the other day very drunk and it hurt me so much and made me worried. I sent a message to my family member who has the most contact with her where I said she was drinking again, that I feel really sad and I don’t know what to do, feel helpless, etc. I also sent something similar to my grandpa, because he’s working with her (she lives in a psychiatric apt). Now it’s been days and I’ve gotten no response. I feel anxious and regret sending the messages, they probably think I was on drugs or crazy for sending desperate messages like that, and therefore not responding. I want to unsend the messages but I’m not sure if that would be acceptable to do, or look weirder if I do that. I’m considering texting my grandpa something else after unsending, but my other family member I don’t know that well and can’t really do that. I realize I shouldn’t text her again after this as it’s obvious she wants no contact and now I’ve embarrassed myself. + +Would you unsend in this situation? Or any other good advice? + +Sorry for the rant.",Sent desperate message to a family member and got 0 response. Is it okay to unsend it?,3 +263,"okay, let's keep it short; I have had 3 depressions since I was 13 (20 now) mixed with social anxiety (throughout my whole life). Currently in therapy trying to find out why I keep getting depressed without a trigger. I thought about autism but I only have symptoms relating to social interaction. So no sensory issues or interests and such. +My therapist mentioned personality problems (not a disorder) So i started looking in to it and I relate alot to AvPD. Could i have AvPD? + +Anyone else who thought it could be autism but it turned out to AvPD? + +Info about AvPD is welcome since I'm new to this.",I might have AvPD,3 +264,They say it really shows because I stutter and then get all quiet the longer I talk. Guess I just stop talking then or spew bs with confidence if that's what they want to hear.,My coworkers told me that my insecurities show during MS Teams meetings and that it is inappropriate,3 +265,"🥲🥲🥲. Thankfully this person was not a close friend at all, they were an acquaintance, but God I feel so embarrassed that I never replied. What must they think of me :(. + +Because we were only acquaintances this person literally won't miss me, but it's moreso the fact I've probably came across as extremely rude that is upsetting. + +I'm not sure if I should just leave it now, or if I should message and apologise and tell them I won't be replying anymore. I should have done this aggges ago, and told them that I won't be replying anymore, instead of just avoiding for 30 fucking weeks. + +I think messaging to let them know what happened would be a good idea, but I should have done it she's ago. If I did it now I would feel so anxious about messaging them. Maybe they hate me now and don't want me to message them ever again. Idk guys 🥲. + +Edit: I don't think I will message them because there isn't really any point, the friendship is obviously over and I don't plan on trying to reignite it (I wish I could but it's too difficult). I did briefly tell this person that I have issues with replying to people so I'm praying that they won't be mad at me and instead would have attributed my absence to this. + +Avpd makes life so complicated guys, fr 😮‍💨.",I haven't replied to someone for 30 weeks,3 +266,"There’s a lot of people that have been nice to me. People I’ve worked or went to school with that would talk to me or smile at me, I wish I could thank them for being caring and generous enough to acknowledge me, most people ignore me which I don’t mind and some people bully me. + +But I often think about the people that went out there way to be nice to me, they would have got noting out of it, they did it just to be nice, maybe they could see I was shy and lonely and had pity for me so they would talk or smile or say good morning to me to make me feel like a human being even though people pitying me makes me feel embarrassed and small, I appreciate it so much but I’m never able to show it, so I just pray for them every day and hope they are having amazing lives and I hope they know they are angels.",I wish I could thank every person that has shown me kindness,3 +267,,Do you ever feel like opening an email could give you a heart attack?,3 +268,I discovered that I was bisexual a few years ago but recently I have been feeling like it is useless for me to even claim that identity because how am I going to be attracted by everyone but also feel unable to be intimately close to anyone and can't imagine myself in a successful relationship. To me it feels like a useless discovery idk,useless attraction,3 +269,"I am trying to build a routine for my mental health and actually start using well-being apps, however I noticed there are not a lot of resources or apps to treat severe social anxiety or AvPD. I know ideally this is not the best way to treat it, but I have no medical benefits or insurance to cover for therapy as an international student atm. What resources have worked for you guys?",Using Self-Help Apps to treat AvPD,3 +270,"I get sad frequently (big surprise) and there's some shit going on in my life and it feels like I want to talk to someone but it's really hard to open up. I want to tell my partner about how I'm feeling because they should be a support, but Everytime I'm like ""what's the point"". I think sometimes I think too logically about situations and I'm like ""what are they gonna do? At best they can say is sorry you feel that way"" and to be honest things like that aren't really meaningful to me. + +Does anyone else struggle opening up to friends/partner? I mean obviously we all have avpd so yes, but do you guys have strategies?",Opening up to my partner?,3 +271,"I do not have great social skills. I am awkward and shy. + +But I saw an ad for a job that helps adults with disabilities find and maintain employment. I want to apply for it but it requires making connections with business owners and having good interpersonal skills. + +This is just a vent about wanting things that are outside the realm of being a good idea...",I want to do a job that requires social skills,3 +272,"In my head I never think I'm going to make X years of age (30 for example) and it's not because I specifically plan to do anything but I just kind of think ""I'll probably be far too fed up of this misery at that point and end it"" + +...and then that milestone age will come and it'll then change to the next one that I can't imagine making it past.",DAE just not imagine themselves being around after a certain age?,3 +273,Too late to fix your life and the mess you created???,do you guys ever wonder if it's too late?,3 +274,"I know you don’t go out often, but when you do, where are you? + +What clubs/interest groups has the highest chance of having avpd people? I’m trying to find my own kind. Looking for people like yourself, that’s pretty normal right?",Where do AvPD people hang out irl,3 +275,"Have you ever looked up and realized that months have passed without you even noticing. And everything is moving around you, time, people, events, but you’re just standing there staring at it. And you realize just how much you���ve lost in this static state. And now it’s just gone and it’s too late and you have to keep going. Time changes nothing and it waits for no one. And leaving all these things up to time and opportunity was just another way to avoid being held accountable for my lack of action. And now I’m here and now I have to deal with it. And that’s all it’ll ever be. I hate that I control my life. I don’t want to. I just want to leave. Or stop. I just want everything to slow down. There’s so much I want to achieve and yet I’m just standing here staring at everyone else. I want these things so badly I don’t understand why I can’t just do them it hurts. So much time has passed that I’m scared this is all I’ll ever be.",Is this really it,3 +276,"Sorry if this is actually completely normal or off-topic. Basically I find myself so genuinely hideous, in a ""You look too ridiculous to seriously expect anyone to acknowledge you as a fellow human being"" kind of way. It doesn't just stop at my appearance, either. It's literally every single facet of my being that is too ridiculous to ever be taken seriously. It prevents me from talking to people, finding a well paying job, making friends of any kind, doing literally anything out of the ordinary (including necessary appointments like the doctor) or even wanting to be alive. The only person I see regularly now outside of work is my therapist who insists there isn't anything wrong with me as a person but I find it incredibly hard to believe he doesn't see just how unbelievably embarrassing and stupid I am. This feeling causes me constant distress and is completely unshakeable even though I am aware of how ""logically"" silly it is and I worry it might mean I have a personality disorder because it handicaps every part of my life. Obviously no one on here can diagnose me but I guess I am wondering if it sounds similar to what you guys deal with.",AvPD or something else?,3 +277,"M21. My problem with avpd is that it made me weak, defenseless, I feel like prey living among predators. +My self esteem is low and I know how it can be increased, it ""just"" requires me to be strong and all the problems will eventually disappear. + +I was bullied by two different group of people, I realize now the reason was that they instantly saw my weakness, the second time I was bullied by my friends (at that time), initially they even respected me cause I was serious, but when you can't defend yourself it looks pathetic and I even can see their perspective, you just need to be more tough and confident (without any reason). + +This experience reflected in my thoughts I was living with till recently: +when I was a kid I thought you need to really know how to dance, know the technique or some kind of particular style but thinking about my stupid rural relatives refuted it, cause how they being so stupid could think about it really, it's not possible, but they fuck, I don't. + +second was about clothes, hypebeasts. +I thought classmates were making fun of me cause I looked weird, lame. Even though it's not fully wrong I just exaggerated it on a new extreme level. There wasn't particularly anything wrong with my clothes, I just couldn't understand their reaction. + +Third was about thinking that the group of people knew something that I missed, or like there was some hidden context I was unaware of. It was a constant thought when I was with my peers. + +I also has such problem that I often can't decide when I should feel offended and when not, it's important cause it can really lead to being a punching bag. This is also a beginning of my PPD part of personality. This kind of thinking leads to paranoia. + +I hope I won't regret posting this. Maybe it's the only time I can be honest.",Root of avpd and life-damaging thoughts I had,3 +278,"I've been thinking recently that most of my friendships have a pattern. It's always the other person sharing things about their life and me listening to them or consoling them or whatever. + +I don't know if the friends I've had have been bad listeners, but it feels like whenever I try to share something about myself with people it kind of dies down and gets lost in time. + +How do I not play the role of a therapist in the relationships I form? I'm getting tired of this but also I don't know how to convey it to other people in a way that won't result in permanent damage.",How to not play the role of a therapist in a friendship?,3 +279,,"What love languages were modeled to you as a kid, if any? How do you think it impacted you?",3 +280,"when covid hit I became very isolated since I was doing school online but last school year I went back in person and there was this person that would approach me but I was too shy to really talk to him and I finally built up the courage this last september to actually approach him. I've gotten really close with him and I am so fuckin glad I befriended him. He's really loving, kind and patient. He's assertive, out there and also very protective while I'm very quiet, meek and also generally on edge and easily spooked so he balances me out and calms me very well. I can tell he cares very deeply about me and he's accepting of my differences. I told him about my avpd and he has been very understanding and helpful. His attitude and actions have given me a really big confidence boost in our friendship and just in general. I feel a lot more comfortable just existing and taking up space. Even tho i still struggle a lot having a supportive and caring friend has helped me tremendously and I'm planning to keep him around for a very long time :)",I made a friend for the first time since middle school,3 +281,"I mean, i do have various have mental issues but i think chronic isolation in particular is a big part of why I'm growing into such a bitter and hateful person. +Objectively, it's not really much of a problem because i'm alone all the time, so it's not like i'm being actively hateful or offensive towards others. But yeah, basically it seems that whenever i hear sth concerning other people (be it celebrities or strangers on the internet or whatever) i am either jealous or upset. these are my only reactions, i don't empathise anymore. + it's kinda starting to affect my beliefs as well but I'm aware that it's more of an emotional issue than anything and I don't plan on * being alive * for much longer so no need to worry about that",anyone else feel like isolation/constant lack of interaction is turning them into a hateful person?,3 +282,"Unfortunately I don’t really have someone I can tell this so this will be my venting space right now. The only thing currently holding me alive is my family. If they didn’t care and love me I would have kms years ago. But now I really wish they’d just abandon me and stop caring because I really don’t want to live anymore. Really I hate to say this but their love just makes it worse. + + +What do I owe them? But yeah the thought of how they‘d react if I did it is so bad that it currently holds me back. I do have ""friends"" but they either never reach out to me or if they do it’s in a context of meeting as a group and that happens like 2 times a year. + + +Some of those people do stuff together I came to know but not once was I asked to join. And I have a ""best friend"" who‘s just weird. Idk why I even call him my best friend, maybe because I know him since 19 years and we did stuff together… he as well never reaches out by himself and when I do, almost always declines/ is busy. On those rare occasions we meet I never get asked a question. No one ever showed interest in me besides my ex girlfriend but that’s another story. + + + +I don’t really have a perspective. Because I was lazy/ struggled in school as a teen I hold a diploma which is almost useless. Can’t study, but don’t want to do the soul crushing labor I did before. + + + + +If I want to change something about my situation I would need to put in tons of effort but my batterys empty, I can’t charge it no more and no one gives me a new one","I can‘t do it anymore, I‘m alone with my struggles and it has reached a point where it‘s only suffering",3 +283,"I haven’t been around anyone outside of my family in two weeks, and I’m really content with it. For the first time in a while, I don’t feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness because there’s nothing to compare myself to. I don’t have to worry about being asked about myself or being expected to be social. I like it this way. I don’t know what this means though. + +I’m dreading having to go back to class next week because everything I want to avoid comes back. I’m tired of the pressure that my lack of social skills and low self esteem brings. No one’s looking at me and judging. I’m not constantly thinking I look awkward and shifting in my chair to look as normal as possible. I can breathe…for once. No default answers to questions. No fake laughs. Just me. I know I can’t stay in this shell forever…but I like it here.",Becoming indifferent about relationships,3 +284,"It’s all coming to a boiling point. + +My mother says: “You need to go into what you need to do for graduation or if you are not doing the ceremony then please be kind enough to tell me now.” + +Of course, I’ve known for months that graduation is not happening. I’m too afraid to tell them and admit I’m so sick. I’ve been lying the whole time and I feel disgusting. But even if I’m too afraid to tell them, they will know eventually (there’s either a ceremony to attend, or there’s not) and come to their own conclusions of me. + +They are extremely abusive people, and I know they are going to shame me severely. They are the reason I even have this disorder in the first place, and now I have no choice but to sit there and let them blame and shame me for having it. I can’t handle living alone right now, or being completely by myself. I feel I have no choice but to throw myself into the flames and let any confidence I had left burn away + +Pain is the only option I have, on all sides. I don’t know how to deal with any of this.","I have to tell my family I dropped out of college, immediately",3 +285,"I honestly hate my life, I think everything sucks and nobody is cool. I don't have any friends. I have people I can occasionally speak to once a week, sure, but I don't have any friends. I don't even call my boyfriend half the time so i just constantly feel like I'm in some sort of simulation. I can't make friends because my autism greatly impedes how likeable i seem and the only people who do pay attention to me are guys that wanna fuck me because I'm attractive, so i end up speaking to no one, i just hate it here.",vent,3 +286,"Hi I'm (25 M) new to to this subreddit and also to Reddit. I am not diagnosed with AvPD so far but I am able to relate to almost all the posts here. My parents are loving but the rest of the family on my dad's side is fucked up. My dad and his siblings are all suffering from some or the other disorder (Not all are diagnosed though because no one takes mental health seriously in my family). Everyone's super self-centred to the core. But it is the exact opposite on my mom's side. All of my mom's siblings, cousins and their kids get along great, while I feel like an outsider. + +I was terribly bullied in middle school because I reflected the behaviour I saw back at home. Also because I had started watching porn. This went on for a few years. I learnt to build a shell around my myself to prevent people from seeing my true self. This shell has hardened to such an extent that nobody, I repeat, nobody has access to the person within. I have since been the ""mature"" kid in school and focussed primarily on academics. I made it to one of the best universities in my home country. + +A couple of years into university, I realised that I had a lot of ""friends"" but there was no one I could truly call a ""close"" friend. No one knew anything about me. I ""collaborated"" with a lot of people, both academically and in extracurricular activities but never got close enough to anyone. At that time I didn't think much of it, mainly because I was doing ""well"" according to the norm. I bagged some great internships and a well-paying job right out of college. + +Interestingly, this did not seem to affect my job. I performed exceptionally well and received great reviews, both in the technical and interpersonal front. But as you might have guessed it already, no one knew me out of work. Again, I ignored this and remained focussed on my work. + +Then I decided to go for a master's and got accepted into one of the top graduate schools in the US. I have completed a term here. I started noticing this problem again during my first term after meeting and talking to people. It's not like I can't come up with things to talk about, but everything seems very superficial. There is no intimacy in any of the conversations. Also it feels like people behave differently when they talk to me. + +I am not really interested in people's life and it is extremely exhausting to pretend otherwise. What's sad is that from the outside it looks as though I'm doing great and living the best life. There are people that look up to me and dream to achieve what I have achieved. But no one knows the truth, not even my parents. + +This post is the most candid I have ever been in my life. I don't reveal anything about myself to anyone. I have never been in a relationship and at this rate I'm afraid I will never be. I want to turn my life around before it's too late. I'm not sure how my family would react to therapy. I don't have enough money to fund it myself. + +To end this vent, the details I have added in this post are not intended for bragging. I totally understand that people have suffered worse. Those are just to emphasize what an absolutely perfect, two-sided mess my life has become.",My strange two-sided life,3 +287,Does anyone else realize how much they lie to themselves and other people. I always rationalize it because I sometimes do it to protect my feelings or others' feelings but that doesn't make it any less wrong or cowardly.,I lie so much,3 +288,"Honestly what is the point Im so sick of people going on about how much they wish they didn't miss out on things when they were younger, I, just don't, care, anymore, I spent a whole 6 monthes bulling myself to do things out of existential fear and I'm so exhausted I want to do nothing ever again I'm so tired, what is even the point, If you get ""better"" your just going to be left as nothing but a empty shell, or worse you'll become one of ""THEM"" I just want to have my joker moment, completely self destruct and then die","I dont see a point in getting better anymore or ""healing""",3 +289,"I am in a relationship that I have wanted out of for the last idk how long. I cant break up with him. I have, three times, and every time we’ve gotten back together within 24 hours. I love him and I keep getting back with him but I just dont want to be with him anymore. I’ve already posted about this here before, since that post I did take everyones advice and break up with him but I didn’t block him on everything and we ended up getting back together literally the next day. Why am I like this? What is wrong with me? + +We have had a messy relationship to say the least, and despite how its not as messy anymore, I just dont want to be with him. But I love him so much, when I’m with him I dont actually want to leave him. I know if I break up with him I will regret it eventually. I know if I break up with him again it will break his heart. When we’re talking everything is fine we rarely fight anymore, and he does everything he can to resolve issues now because I know hes scared I’m going to break up with him again. That makes me feel bad and also want to stay with him. + +Its a cycle of this. I just cant be real with him I cant be normal with him I cant be honest with him. I am a bad person, its like I want to be unhappy.",What is wrong with me,3 +290,"I feel like I cannot move forward with my life until I right my wrongs and reach out to people I know I've hurt from ghosting. I wrote a 'letter I'll never send' mainly for my own benefit with way too much information about my life and my struggles but it seems way too intense to actually send out. I feel ready to take the next step of actually making contact, but I just don't know how much information to give. Is a simple apology sufficient? This might be the avpd talking but I worry that by giving too much information I'll come off like I'm trying to justify the pain I've caused. I also dread the fact that they'll know how sad my life is but that cannot be avoided, I guess. For those who have done it successfully, any tips?",How much detail do you give when reaching out to people you've ghosted?,3 +291,"I'll admit I've been guilty of this many times myself. I don't know why I always feel shame even though it's anonymous. As a reader, I've never once regretted reading something where it felt like someone put a part of themselves into words. I don't know why the same logic doesn't carry over when you're the writer. I wish I could tell them that I thought they had something valuable to say. Reading your words made me feel connected. There are more people out there reading than you think. You deserve to be heard.",Makes me sad when people delete their posts/comments/accounts.,3 +292,"Idk how else I could explain this but I often feel like people are trying their hardest to be gentle, welcoming and polite when they're internally wishing I never engaged with them in the first place. People always treat me so weirdly that I just have my alarm beeping all the time and I have to actively switch it off because I cannot tell anymore what's fake positive and what's actually a true warning. Guess I'll give up the social stuff and just stick to loneliness, feeling like a stray dog around normal people is the most painful feeling ever.",Do you guys feel like a make-a-wish kid when trying to meet new people?,3 +293,"I've been focusing on identifying people I truly personally like in therapy. Or well. More like validating my own opinions, but it always comes back to people. + +I have a net of people I'm really 'close' with because of the way my uni living was set up. And I'm realizing through a lot of questions that there are people I just don't actually like I'm surrounding myself with? Or people I want to interact with more that I know will make me happier compared to my current friend group. + +But I can't help but think that anybody I would actually enjoy talking to couldnt possibly like me as a result. I think it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more I criticise myself the more I pull back the less I interact with people and the world and the less 'worthy' I am. But the flavor of people I enjoy are the hardworking, driven nice ones. They wouldnt gossip about me behind my back, nobody cares enough to do that. But I would feel like such a charity case. When I'm doing okay it's okay. When I'm not I hate the thought that I'm forcing my prescense on these people. That my attention to turned towards how shitty and empty I feel all the time and not the other spicy things that give life flavor.",DAE struggle to talk to people they like?,3 +294,"so my (18ftm) coworker ""evilyn"" (19f) was going to see a band at a music venue an hour away, she posted to her instagram story about needing a ride, i offered to take her because i want to get out of the house. she said she'd be down and now i'm just waiting for her to respond so we can plan stuff on SC. + +she mentioned having extra tickets, but i'm still buying my own because she didn't directly offer it to me, and i don't want to embarrass myself in case it's not implied. they're like 15$ each so it's not outlandish or anything. and i'm too afraid to ask to clarify like ""so if i'm going too would you give me one of your extra tickets?"" it's not unreasonable i know- if i were her i wouldn't mind the question but i'd feel like a terrible person for asking even if we were closer. also not going to clarify that this is 100% platonic because we're coworkers and i *think* she knows i'm gay (the one thing i miss about presenting female is that i never had to make those distinctions with other girls). but will live in fear of that misunderstanding nonetheless. + +another fear: evilyn is on pretty friendly terms with ""jonah"" (20M) our other coworker, a the one and only person ive ever romantically pursued (lots to unpack with that but for brevity's sake, let's not.) as in, they've hung out outside of work more than once. now, i don't think jonah is the petty type, but if evilyn mentions it to him i wouldn't put it past him to say something (idk what but not sure he likes me much at the moment) that would make her back out. and if that were the case she'd just make an excuse so i would never really know. + +rambling post, but i wanted to talk about my fears somewhere. this is the closest i will get to feeling hyped about hanging out with someone. + +mainly- in my own head i have to ""earn"" outings by going over everything that could go wrong and by being of use- ie giving her a ride without expecting a free ticket. yeeeah it's a lot. thanks for reading all 🖤",must bargain with the universe for social plans,3 +295,"I don't mean personal hygiene. Like, avoiding skincare, not caring abt your hair, dressing as baggy and blandly as possible, not doing makeup. + +I just desperately don't want any attention. I don't want girls to comment anything about my ""cute outfit"", I don't want men to stare at me. I want to be invisible",DAE avoid taking care of your appearance?,3 +296,"Hi, from what I can gather about Depressive personality disorder is it's a lot like AvPD but I can't seem to find out much about treatment for it. Or if it is even treatable. I took the mcmi iii and scored 111 (115 is as high as it goes) have AvPD, DPD and masochistic traits as well. But they seem to be coming down. Any information about this would be really helpful. I would really like to not have depression all my life. +Thanks in advance.",Depressive personality disorder?,3 +297,"Why don’t you just like, stop worrying and act normal? + +/s",It’s all in your head!,3 +298,"This is actually so sad but I remember one time in high school I bought donuts for no reason and gave them away to people I was “friends” with just because, for no reason, I also did the same thing with smoothies once, spent $80 at tropical smoothie, & at powderpuff practice did the same thing with slurpees. Desperate much.",Idk if this fits here at all but Did anybody do desperate things to subconsciously make people “like” them or just me,3 +299,yea lol just happened with a friend and i feel rly heavy and my day is ruined lol. i feel stupid,any negative response makes me genuinely contemplate suicide,3 +300,"I'm in my late 20s , when i see people younger than me enjoying their lives i feel deep sadness inside. I really wished i Could have had what they had , being young , having friends, partners doing activities... I wish I didn't choose to miss out on crucial years of my life listening to my depression and fucked up thinking patterns.",Anyone feeling the same?,3 +301,"https://i.imgur.com/KiU7KST.jpg +I may have just ruined my chances at a college career","I did something. Call me insane, but I don't regret it. I'll transfer if I have to.",3 +302,"When I say I’ve tried it all…I mean it. Every medication you can name except MAOIs because I actually medically can’t take them. CBT, DBT, EMDR, ketamine infusions, Ketamine nasal spray, TMS, talk therapy, and about a million other things. It’s just been getting worse and worse. Now I can’t even sing in the shower without the fear of my neighbors hearing me so I just don’t sing. Can’t sing in front of my mom. And I know I can sing I sang in a band for years when I was young and now it makes me nauseous to think about. I barely leave my house. If I go to a restaurant I think everyone is staring at me and judging me and I know they aren’t but my brain doesn’t listen. If I’m having a bad skin day acne wise then I don’t leave the house even if I have shit to do. I physically cannot talk to strangers. I would give anything to not care what people think and to just be carefree. Im one step away from becoming an agoraphobic…and I am a musician!! It’s ruining my life like my friends don’t even talk to me anymore. I’m ready to off myself tbh, because this shit is making my depression about a million times worse. And my autism tbh because I feel like my sensory issues have gotten wayyyy worse. And I just wanna know has anyone has success? Because I have no hope left. And I need some right about now….but my therapist and psychiatrist told me “there’s nothing else I can do for you”…. + +EDIT: on anxiety meds: Buspiron, Xanax, and Ativan and depression meds: Nortriptyline and I’ve tried everything else. I also meditate every day, I have my medical weed card, and I do yoga",Has anything actually worked for anyone?,3 +303,"i dont know if this has anything to do with AvPD or not + +i'm 20 years old and i think i suffer from Avpd, u can check my other posts here + +this is a problem i noticed recently + +lets say I'm talking to someone and if she/he calls me by my name, i feel extremely uncomfortable, i feel like i did something wrong so i dont want to talk anymore and end the conversation there. it happens both in real life and online. if someone says my name its a big turn off for me. + +normally people dont even know my name, people in my class etc. they dont use my name at all. + + i just wonder, is there anyone here in the same situation?","when i hear my name called, i feel extremely uncomfortable and i feel like i did something wrong.",3 +304,"I’m a 24 year old female and I never developed my own personality. I also suspect I have autism because I did a lot of research and I just know my brain is wired differently. I can’t hold friendships and I hurt them because I keep them on a distance. They can’t help me and see mee struggling and getting in abusive relationships because my self esteem is so low. +Because of this I have a lot of trauma’s. When I was a kid I was neglected by my parents because they were addicts. I lived in a psychiatrical hospital for a long time cause I tried to commit suicide. It wasn’t a serious attempt. I just didn’t know how to get out of the situation. + +Anyway I’m 24 now and I’ve learned a lot so far. Between my 18-22 I did a lot of drugs and I felt “normal”. I felt like people wanted to be friends with me because I was social and talkative and not scared at all. But deep down I knew it was fake. The friendships I build were fake. I tried for so many years to adapt myself to others just to fit in. And next to that I was in an abusive relationship. I was paranoid and stressed. Always scared they’d find out the real me. And I did this for so long I don’t even remember who I am right now. +I am depressed, diagnosed with ptsd, AvPD and traits of borderline disorder. I asked for a psychological diagnosis for autism but they didn’t think I have enough traits to fit the criteria. I don’t really care about labels but I feel like there is something really wrong with me. +I’m an alien in this world. It feels so alone. + +Sorry for the long text. I’m prone to addiction and Im addicted to Xanax right now. I get admitted to a rehab clinic this Friday for 21 nights and then straight after that to Portugal for intense therapy. I’m glad to have this opportunity and I’ll definitely get out of my comfort zone. I know they won’t fix my problems but it’ll hopefully give me the push I need to work hard. Cause I do believe I can find out who I am and make real friends without being fake. + +I have hope and I want you to have it too💜 +We’re all different with different stories but the one thing that is so important; getting out of your comfort zone. Do things that are scary. Take baby steps. Don’t set the bar too high for yourself. Everyone is different so you can’t compare yourself to others. + +Good luck everyone and “just keep swimming”🐟",Feeling like an empty body with nothing inside.,3 +305,"A friend of mine was talking to me about my family situation and I told him about how I wanted to put distance between me and them. He said that he might have some ideas and that we could work something out. + +I've been in a new place now for five days. I have a roommate, he is cool. His work keeps me from seeing him very much, so I only have to deal with other people in small doses. + +The best thing is that I'm finally away from my relatives! It always feels weird when I say ""I miss you too"" over the phone because I don't miss them at all. I'm so happy to finally be freed of them! + +People do keep telling me that it's natural for me to feel this way and that I'll miss them eventually, but I don't want to miss them. I had to go back earlier today to pick up some of my stuff, but I dreaded seeing anyone there. I left as soon as I could, and I guess I just don't know how to feel now. + +I still love them, I never didn't love my relatives, but I know they're not good for me. I am much better on my own. I guess I just feel guilty, like I owe them something. Part of me wants to go back and try to fix them, but I have to keep reminding myself that I can't do that, and that they're not my responsibility. + +So, I'm determined to not go back for as long as possible. The only reason I'd go back now is to get my bike, but I can be without that for a while. Otherwise, I'm done belonging to them. I am my own person now, and I'm slowly getting to like who I'm becoming. + +I definitely still have many times where I hate myself for messing something up or blaming myself for something that can't be helped or just wasn't my fault. But overall, things are getting better, and me leaving my relatives behind is just one of many steps in the right direction.",I moved out.,3 +306,"I've been telling my therapist that I've wanted to go to church for a while. The last time I went was last Easter. So today I pushed myself to go (with God's help), but I didn't really enjoy it. I felt self-conscious during worship. I couldn't get outside my own head. When the service was over, I just left while most people stayed to mingle. Being around a lot of people makes it worse. Most people go to church in families. Not all. But I couldn't walk up to another person who came alone out of fear. Then I went to the park which was another mistake. Seeing all the children and couples enjoying themselves was too much. No one goes alone to the park on Sundays. So I tried not to isolate, but it was too painful, and now I want to isolate again. I'm so useless.",Church made it worse,3 +307,"i have anxiety disorders (one being social anxiety) so i experience a lot of anxiety with my avpd. when it comes to social situations my anxiety is so high that im sweating, heart is pounding and it feels like my brain shuts down completely. it causes me to fail so badly at socializing even more than i already would, it doesnt give me time to hear what people are saying or to give myself the time to think of a response. its embarrassing how i react internally cause it causes me to react externally in a way i wouldnt want to. id like my brain to be calm and relaxed so that i can properly think of my reactions and responses but nope i end up looking like a fool which leads to more self hate and feelings of ineptness. does anyone have experiences like this?",does anxiety play a part in your avpd?,3 +308,"I don't know if this is AvPD, but It's like I can't make decisions for myself based on what I want, or even if someone needs me to do something I constantly ask for reassurance I'm doing it correctly. If I don't feel totally confident, I'll just sit there and wait till I can ask. + +I unironically use dice rolling and stuff to make decisions for me, so I can kind of appear neutral always, almost like a scapegoat? So if people don't like It I can just say I didn't really make the choice. + +I just feel so terrified of making the wrong choice all the time. Sorry if wrong place, or if i put it badly, but this has really affected me as far back as I can remember.",I don't make decisions or have preferences?,3 +309,"I’ve always been 100% selfless. I put everyone first and I don’t give myself the time of day for nearly anything. There have only been a few times where I’ve stood up and tried to prioritize myself and it always ended in a dumpster fire. I always get put down, by others and myself. I feel like the universe is trying to punish me for trying to care about myself. I’ve been looking into what I want to do career wise and I’m leaning towards my dream job and becoming a mortician. I’ve never told anyone about my interest in the job because I know people will be very judging about it. I was talking to my mom earlier about career stuff and I got brave enough and told her about it. You can probably guess how she reacted. But she didn’t nearly react as harsh enough as my dad did. He walked into the room as we were talking and mom looked at him and went “She wants to be a mortician”. He instantly stopped moving and stared at me for 2 whole minutes with this absolute disgust on his face. He already made me feel like a disappointment without him opening his mouth yet. After what seemed like an eternity he said in a low and disgusted tone “You’re kidding me” then slowly turn around and walked away like I pissed him off or something. +People have reacted in that similar fashion to a lot of my interests. I know that field of work is looked in a taboo way by some people but I haven’t had such an unsettling, judgmental, self esteem killing reaction like that in a while. I don’t know why it hit me as hard as it has but it did. +How am I going to be able to function if I can’t handle people reacting about what my passions are like that? Every time I try to climb out of this abyss, I get hit with the tiniest pebble of judgment and it causes me to lose my grip and fall down deeper than I was before and the cycle just continues. +I feel so stupid thinking I could pull it off. I actually thought I could go into a job like this. I’m honestly giving up. I’m just going to stick to what I’m good at (most of the time) and just stay quiet. I’m never gonna get anywhere in life without AvPD reminding me that all I’m good at is telling people what they want to hear and stay in my room.",It’s impossible to think for myself.,3 +310,"It seems like no matter how tired I am, whenever I go to bed I just lay there thinking about hypothetical situations that are unlikely to ever happen. Generally it'll be fantasies (for lack of a better word) about potential relationship situations or generally sometimes just social situations and it's absolutely ruining my ability to sleep. I'm distracting myself with other things for hours just in an effort to be too tired to fantasise but it happens anyway and my sleeping pattern is being ruined because of it. + +Anyone do the same or any advice on how to ease off on this?",Fantasising causing issues with my sleep,3 +311,"I want more than anything to have connections and close friends but at the same time I’m scared of anyone getting to know me. + +I get so remorseful of the fact know one really knows me or gotten to know me properly and I’ve never felt like I could be my full self around anyone, and it’s all my own fault. + +I feel like I’m not good enough to have friends or acquaintances, whenever people talk to me or give me the time of day I feel like they’re just doing it out of pity or they’re just talking to me so they can laugh at me to feel better about themselves.",I’m so desperately lonely,3 +312,,Dr Rangan Chatterjee on TikTok,3 +313,I used to have dreams about becoming this or that but now that I'm an adult I find that the main thing I'm working towards is being normal. Anyone know what I mean?,My life goal is to be normal,3 +314,"Does anyone think their mother or father has AvPD? + + I am pretty sure my dad has it. I see little signs here and there sometimes, and just what I've been told as well. He has a hard time finding a ""real"" job until he was 26. By real job, I don't mean anything fancy, I just mean full-time, steady work. He had a hard time asking store clerks where an item was located. When I asked him how he overcame his ""extreme shyness"", he replied that my mom bossed out it out of him. She has introverts in her family, but they can be loud, and opinionated as well. My dad will talk on the phone when necessary but would never have a 2-hour phone call just for the sake of it. There is just other signs here and there. + +&#x200B; + +Have you seen any signs in your mom or dad or other relatives? I know there's a genetic component and you mix that with environment and boom, you get to deal with this lovely disorder.",AvPD moms and Dads,3 +315,"For those who feel they may not have AVPD because they feel apathetic towards socializing, it's possible that apathy is not the starting point, but what someone comes to. It's not just a reaction, it's a protection.",Apathy is a defense mechanism,3 +316,"I have am currently in my final year of med school and am 23 right now. I haven’t been in any relationships yet and am still a virgin even though all my friends are in relationships or having flings and I feel really horrible about it. 2 years ago, I was sad that I didn’t even have a social life in college but luckily I found a good small group of friends, but my love life in college has just been a series of unrequited loves which has left me anxious and hurt for most of my college life. I feel major fomo and maybe that I’m unlovable as a person and I sometimes make peace with that but hearing my friends have romantic or sexual experiences really makes me feel shitty again. I feel really happy for my friends and even give them advice when ask me for it although idk why they ask me lmao but I don’t know what to anymore and if this will stay this way forever.",Am I missing out on life??,3 +317,I avoid literally everything. And it made me feel like nonexistence. I just exist. And I'm used to it . Why am i still living? What's my purpose? I'm fad up .,I feel like I'm a side character in my own life.,3 +318,"I'm sure I'm not alone with this problem, but I've been feeling this way for so long I don't even understand how healthy people avoid these feelings. + +Let's say an attractive girl posts hot pictures on social media. I believe it's natural that this sort of content sparks great desire in any guy. I think it's also safe to say that 90% of guys will never have a chance with a girl like that. So I'd say it should be normal for these guys to feel some resentment, unfulfillment, jealousy, sadness, self-doubt etc. + +This isn't, however, what I'm observing in reality. Generally these kind of content on social media receives countless upvotes and praise from guys. + +Can someone explain where is my reasoning flawed?",Resentment towards attractive people,3 +319,"The thing is, I long have realized I am the problem. But I don’t want to bother people anymore with my problems. My AvPD is becoming so much worse five months into my first job. I just don’t want to bother people, yet people keep talking sh*t about me. Its justified because I keep making the mistakes I shouldn’t, and I feel stupid, alone, and nervous all the time. + +I thought about just trying to smile and improve. Even though my job is tough, I thought if I pushed through it would be okay. At the very least my co workers were nice. My supervisor doesn’t like me. But I’m getting more and more tired. It’s like the longer I stay the more my anxiety and depression flares up again. I keep avoiding people for no reason, trying to be alone in a workplace where there’s tons of people. When people look my way, I get so scared of what they are thinking. + +My hands begin to shake when I do tasks now. It’s quite silly because the only reason I am anxious is because of my own incompetence. I just think at this point it would be better if I just leave once my department hires new employees. + +Tldr: Silly rant because I’m dumb & hate my job",I realize I am the problem.,3 +320,"I (28M) have a rep in my friend-group, as being a great guy who refuses to date. In truth, I kind of get off on feeling like I’m withholding an ability or skill from someone. I enjoy the image of people being jaded that “there’s no good guys left”, and that I am present, could be an amazing boyfriend, but am +Uniquely against being/acting that way, and it making them sad, if that makes sense. + +I grew up in a family very withholding of affection, it was very conditional; so i think I learned to reverse that, in a weird “power-play” in a way. I know it’s not a good thing, because I do like the idea of being in a relationship, but enjoy the rush of having a skill/ability to be warm, that is kept from the outside world.","I feel like I could be an amazing boyfriend, but refuse to put myself out there anymore.",3 +321,,"Day 20ish idk: I was on a business trip this weekend, and decided to t...",3 +322,"Hoping to spread some positivity. + +I've spent so long thinking there's something wrong with me and constantly questioning why I can't just find things as easy as everyone else seems to do. Why I can't just be normal? Learning about social anxiety was a help but even then it was like ""It can't just be that though?"" and then thinking I must be autistic or have adhd in some regard but never really feeling like I fit into those things. + +To actually have a name for it and relate to so much of what people post on here, it's kind of a relief to know that there's some reason that I'm actually like this and just knowing that this is why. I won't use it as an excuse and I'm going to fight against its tendencies as much as I can, but I'm just glad that I finally understand now. + +I appreciate you all being here. ",Discovering this AvPD has been a massive relief.,3 +323,"I know i should get my shit together, but to be honest i am too much of a coward to do so. I thought maybe with age i will try to turn things around out of desperation, but despair made things even worse , i feel more paralyzed than ever. In fact i wish I had some incurable disease. I want to die...","I'm desperate, i don't know how to turn things around",3 +324,"Does anyone else have zero interest in life? I'm kind of done, but assisted suicide has been delayed another year in Canada. Who knew killing yourself was so difficult 😕. I'm not necessarily sad about dying, but life is kind of pointless in my eyes. I'm too much of a coward and squeamish to do it any other way. I wish I could travel and do it abroad, but I can't leave at the moment.",No interest in life,3 +325,"I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I ended up with this disorder. Constantly reviewing and analyzing my past memories, trying to find and pinpoint the exact event that caused me to be this way. I wasn't sure I had one, and I still think it may be multiple events in my life that led to the development of this disorder. But for me, I think the formation of my AVPD has always been interlinked with my sexuality. I am gay and Hispanic. Growing up in a Mexican household, parents are not accepting of that whatsoever. Anyways, I remember I still remember this time where I was looking up basically dick pics and I didn't delete the search history. I was 13 at the time and was barely discovering porn. My mom checked it before any of us got home and while she was at work later she called my dad and told him about what she found. My dad told me that she was crying because she couldn't accept that her son might be gay. I explained it away to my dad that I was just checking to see how I sized up to other boys my age. But I sorta knew what I was doing. I guess that moment was pretty scary to me. Knowing not even my own parents would accept me. And so I hid myself, for a long time. Pretending to be straight year after year. It just got harder every year to put on the mask. And still now at the age of 24 I have never told anyone in my personal life that I'm gay. Not like they don't know it or highly suspect it, even though I present myself more masculine. I've never had a girlfriend so I think it's pretty obvious to everyone. But anyways I think it was very much so having to do with moments like I first mentioned. Where I was scared and felt completely alone. I guess it would have changed everything to have someone to tell me it's ok and that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm loved just the same. But I didn't get that. I just learned from an early age that I was different and so I would be treated differently, unless I hid it.",The Root cause of my AVPD,3 +326,"I very recently got diagnosed (4 days ago) with AvPD, after years and years and years of thinking that I just have very stubborn type of social phobia/social anxiety. I met with a specialist who really dug through my health records and diagnoses and even read through the psycological evaluation tests I went through over an year ago several times. She was very firm and sure that I indeed have this disorder, instead of the one I've been getting treatment on and it all stems from me hard school-life I had to go through. But instead my home life was always good, very loving and caring parents and I love them so, so much. They made sure me and my brother always had food, clean clothes and a warm home to live in, we were poor but still happy. + +My self esteem and self worth got destroyed from very young age by other kids, it's also very hard to trust people, I'm worthless and like a ghost to others at times. Without digging deeper to the trauma I've faced in school, I've just been existing and surviving from the young age to the 30's. I'm 33, still very broken, unemployed, depressed too but I go to therapy and have medication. I've ""medicated"" myself with alcohol earlier years but stopped when I started antidepressants, I still do self harm too, as a coping mechanism which I'm not proud at all. I very much hate and regret that I ever started dabbling to that habit in my young days. + + +Is there really something good about this personality disorder? Can I ever learn to live with it in the way it won't make me isolate myself from others and fear other people? I don't know. I have a lot of doubts, even when I am in a treatment and path to somekind of recovery. +Is it even possible to meet new people and form a romantic relationship too? Yes, I'm single, been for the last 10 years and sometimes it's eating me from the inside to the point I feel physical pain. I crave human touch (non-sexual and sexual) and sometimes I'm at the point that even a single, friendly hug would make me cry. Yes, I am lonely. +Luckily I have a small friend group, very small and two closest people out of this group, are a couple, so naturally they don't always have time for friends. Which I naturally understand, they have their own things and struggles too. It's just life. +When I told two other friends about this new diagnosis I got (they do know about my mental health struggles), well... they just were very silent and one of them answered with 2-3 words (in the way of ""oh I see"") and that's all. It did kinda hurt, does that make me a bad/attention seeking person? For wanting even just a little bit of undersanding what's causing me to behave some way I don't always even realise I'm doing it? + +Heck, this is kinda one messy message, but I just have so many things going in my head now and I don't have any answers to give for myself. I've always wanted to solve problems by myself, but this is just too big of a thing for my brain to fully understand. And I almost deleted this text and didn't want to post. 😂 +I'm sorry if I sound all whiny, I just have so many questions and I'm sure there could be even more of them. I'm not even sure if the flair is correct.",So.. what now? How do I continue my life.,3 +327,"If I say that I am a worthless subhuman, most people will react by saying something like everyone has intrinsic value, and that you don't need society or other people to validate your existence. And while it may be theoretically true, it's also easy and generic. + +What is difficult is to *feel* that you actually have value, when such a big part of your life has passed without anyone seeing that value in you. I'm not a bad person, but frankly, I'm barely a person. I'm unable to do the majority of things most people do. I lack any semblance of personality. People forget about me, and that's totally reasonable. Everyone likes me, but not really. No one cares about me or is really interested in me. + +I have acquired major schizoid traits throughout the years to the point that sometimes I'm not sure if I need human connection anymore. But I find myself craving external validation. If there's no one there to believe that you matter, do you, really? The obvious answer is yes, but I'm not so sure anymore.",It's easy to say that everyone has worth.,3 +328,"None of my family knows that I’m lonely and struggle talking to people. They do ask me how I’ve been and how university is going, but I always insist things are going fine and that I’ve made friends. I wish it didn’t come to me lying to them, but I guess that’s better than them being worried sick at the reality of the way I am.",Do others know about your situation?,3 +329,"(27M) , my life so far is a huge disappointment, i have so many regrets , wasted my youth , got no job now , no friends, a virgin with erectile dysfunction due to meds. i dunno what am I doing being alive at this point. I knew few people who had their lives together but deaths took em outta nowhere, i feel I should be the one dead , that would have been a huge relief.",There isn't a day that passed where i wish I didn't die sooner,3 +330,"I saw some article about how being lonely and isolated can increase self-centered thoughts and behaviors. I didn’t realize I had this problem until recently. I feel so awful about myself right now. I didn’t know it was such an issue until my partner wanted to leave me for it, and he still might. I wouldn’t blame him. Has anyone else had this come up?",I think being lonely and isolated caused me to become self centered and almost (and still might) cost me the best relationship I’ve ever had,3 +331,"I don't know if this is an AvPD thing or not, but does anybody else here mostly don't speak as much during conversations because your brain just goes completely blank? I frequently find myself at conversations (most of them tbh) where I **want** to talk and engage but I just don't know what to respond at all. I catch myself saying a lot of ""mmm"", ""yeah"", ""it's true"", ""I agree"" but not something... substancial, you know? Sometimes I even repeat words just to use more time like ""yeah, yeah"". + +Meanwhile, when I observe the way other people talk is like they always have something to say, some comment to make or something to keep the conversation going, and it seems so natural for them. I always get afraid that people will like other people more because they can offer more during a conversation than I can, and honestly I think this has been proven true over time. + +Some time ago I created a personal ""system"" to help me ""fill up silences"" and some of the things I set myself to do at these moments where: **1. just think out loud without filtering so much** (I read somewhere that one of the differences between extroverts and introverts is that the first ones sometimes ""think with their mouths"" while introverts think first, then decide if it's worth sharing - and for us with AvPD and/or SAD we mostly decide it is not -) and **2. look for a subject connection, even if it's minimal, then be like ""this reminds me of..."" and keep going about it**. + +When I observe other people interacting I can see them using these a lot (naturally; I feel like a robot because I had to sit down and actually think to came up with these and have to make an effort to put them in practice) but even with this system, I'm still having problems because, like I said, a lot of times I simply can't think of anything. I don't know if this is some kind of freeze response to the ""danger"" of socialization or if my brain is just socially dumb lol.",My brain just goes blank even if I want to engage,3 +332,Is anyone else just a total fucking mess when they get drunk. Like it starts out fine and fun and the more you drink you just turn into a loud mean annoying over confident horrible person?,Alcohol,3 +333,"I’m in love with someone w/AvPD due to my Pattern of getting attracted to emotionally unavailable People. +(which made me commonly feel unrecognized/unvalued in past relationships) + +However I want to tell you people that there are a lot of different ways people show love and can feel loved and it varies from Person to Person. + +Now I need advice from you folks, I’ve confessed to my Person. The response to it was idk if I feel the same I need to look within but it’s kind of blurry. +We were cuddling so I see it as a indicator, but I feel that it’s difficult. I’m scared of “coming too strong there” but not setting frames around it makes me also feel insecure. + +Should I try to look at it like a plain opportunity for my Person with AvPD to the experience of cuddling ? +Because I know you folks may have trouble forming trust within possible romantic relationships, and that It may take a lot longer. + +How ever forming a relationship out of it would take a lot effort and patience and willingness equally of both. + +At the bottom line transparent communication is always necessary I think wish me and your AvPD comrade luck.",Hey AvPD folks I could use some advice or perspectives,3 +334,"I don’t mean to sound conceited or anything, but being pretty isn’t all it’s cut out for. I know I’m perceived by others as being conventionally attractive, but sometimes I feel like it isolates me even more. There’s nothing but a void inside this empty shell of a person, but nobody ever thinks I would feel this way because of the way I look. Nobody thinks that someone like me could hate themselves so deeply, nobody thinks someone like me would need help or be this fucked up. People probably think I’m a bitch in real life when they try to talk to me but I genuinely just don’t know how to respond or have a genuine conversation. The answers I do give are bland and the words that come out of my mouth aren’t the ones I actually wanted to say. I probably come off as rude or disinterested when I don’t mean to, and it pushes people away because they think I’m stuck up or think I’m better than them. I feel like a doll trying her best to mimic the people around her. Something people like to look at sometimes, but then inevitably get bored with and cast aside. + +Anyways, sorry if this seems like I’m vying for attention with this, but I just wanted to give a different perspective. Lonely pretty girls are more common than you think.",being pretty isn’t always what it seems,3 +335,"Like is it worth living in a life full of fear, avoidance and all that in the end? I mean there is no cure really isn’t it? At least I personally can’t see myself living like this forever tbh",Is it even worth it?,3 +336,,Another week of korean class. Happy friday everyone!,3 +337,"I (28M) am not a romantic, affectionate person by any stretch of the words. I’m definitely cold and aloof (at least outwardly); especially around women I actually like and am attracted to. + +So flirting just feels like I have to put on a super uncomfortable act, pretend to be someone I’m not. I don’t like it or want to do it. Although I haven’t experienced a romantic relationship yet, I like the idea of it; I just can’t stand the process enough to make it worth it. + +Idk if anyone else has felt this way or has any advice? Or could relate?",I refuse to flirt; it feels so silly.,3 +338,"There’s some research about handedness and mental health. Probably silly and not a thing but curious about it with AVPD + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11huo0t)","Out of random curiosity, are you left handed or right handed?",3 +339,,Guys there is a cure so I was just scrolling through google right just casually looking for an a cure to this chronic anxiety I have and I came across this video which explains why I have this anxiety and the solution no one is talking about🙏 bless you guys we have the solution😉,3 +340,"I want to know if any of you have had this experience. + +Ever since I was a child, a pattern has been that I am verbally offered support and love, but when it matters and when I reach out for it, it would be rescinded. As a kid, I blamed myself and turned inward. As an adult, if I fall for an insincere invite for connection or help, I feel humiliated and angry with them and myself. I realize this has made me extra sensitive and I even expect to be rejected. It is extremely hard now to ask for help. When someone burns me, I don’t think I will ever trust them again—hard stop. When someone comes through, I feel completely overwhelmed with gratitude. I’m not even sure of the word for the emotion of that. I’m crying as I write this. + +I think my expectations are too black and white, but I don’t know how to be change, other than to keep giving people chances.",Being Burned When Reaching Out,3 +341,"My family is a very ""tough love"" type of family. As far back as I can remember, my parents and sister have tried to get me to change my bad ways/habits through ""tough love"", but all the problems they would try to use it for are still with me, so it clearly has never worked. Just as an example of what I mean, my dad would give me ""tough love"" in the form of telling me no one would ever want to be my friend or hire me if I continued to be a fat slob (true). And the other week my sister came over to the apartment and told me that I wasn't being cute or quirky by almost never cleaning, I'm an adult and need to start acting like one, it is extremely embarrassing at this point, etc (also true). But even though I know these things are true, hearing people phrase it like ""hard truths"" I'm just too dense to grasp doesn't make me want to change for the better. It makes me want to go home, put a gun in my mouth, and pull the trigger because to my family I come off as such a complete moron that they need to tell me obvious shit I already know. + +I am wondering if this type of ""tough love"" is actually helpful for anyone, especially people with avpd, because in my experience hearing people judge me like that just drives me to start spiraling down. It's like it really does solidify the fact that I am so worthless compared to actual human beings that they always have to talk down to me, and my relationship with others always has to be me getting scolded even well into my adult years. But everyone keeps touting ""tough love"" as if it's some magic cure-all that will make someone instantly snap out of whatever undesireable thing they're doing.","Has ""tough love"" ever worked on any of you?",3 +342,"How does it evolve with age? I honestly feel despair when thinking about the future because deep down I know it's not going to get better. But I'd like to hear experiences from actually older people (older as 40+ but even 30+ may feel useful) + +Plus, anyone recovered? Is it even truly possible to fully recover?",Any older people with AvPD there?,3 +343,"I suffered from severe AVPD from my late teens into my early twenties. During this time, I cut off my old school friends and then didn't go to uni. In fact, I pretty much became a recluse. + +I eventually started to recover when I was about 22. I'm now in my late twenties, and though I feel I've overcome most AVPD symptoms, I feel like I am too old to make new friends. I've managed to sort of reconnect with 2 school friends, but there was a five year gap in communication so things feel different. + +I really feel like I would've made my lifelong friends at uni, but I didn't make it there. I don't know how to accept the damage that isolating myself during those critical years has done. + +As I've recovered from AVPD, I've realised I'm not that weird of a person, and I can actually get on with people fine. But those friend making opportunities of school and uni have long passed. It now feels like no matter how sociable or cool or fun I am, it doesn't matter, because everyone already has established friends from school or uni and doesn't want anymore. + +Has anyone else experienced this? Recovered but just too late - the damage is done?","Recovered, but it's too late",3 +344,"I left college, because I wasn't passionate about what I studied and because how much stress I felt of not being socially competent to fulfill a social focused related major. + +And I'm here again I don't have much time too choose a major and to go back to college, my parents have told me this is my last opportunity and limit time, but I'm not sure if they would actually follow this through. I don't think they would but I could be wrong. + +All my interests and passions are related to social things, social justice, oppressed populations, people's potential. I have a big desire to help people and I'm interested in social causes and. On my very top are things like social work, sociology, and law + +But I'm very afraid of the challenging aspects of my personality and how contrary are to the abilities I need to have for these fields. I don't want to be an incompetent professional because of my characteristics and disorder. I'm extremely afraid of having to leave college again, or not being able to succeed. + +And I know that there are different ways to work in these fields. not necesarilly having the most direct contact with people. But I want to have direct contact too. I had an experience in my previous major where I interviewed a person in treatment process after they finished their sentence. And I felt so passionate while doing it and I liked so much interviewing him, analyzing their protective and risk factors, to later make a treatment plan (closest experience to social work) + +I also worry that if I go to therapy and solve these issues, maybe I will end up realizing that I can't stand naturally (and in a healthy way) working for long periods of time with people + +Why is that I'm not naturally inclined or interested to paths with way less focus on people T\_T",I'm in CRISIS because how AvPD can potentially influence my desicion for a new major,3 +345,"So correct me if I’m wrong about any of what I’m about to say. + +I noticed that the treatment for AvPD is cbt, which would be pretty much the standard treatment for a lot of mental health problems. + +So is it worth going through the process of being diagnosed with AvPD when you could just be diagnosed with something like say anxiety, and still get the same treatment options? + +Again, if I’m wrong don’t hesitate to correct me. + +Thanks and have a great day.",Is getting diagnosed with AvPD worth it?,3 +346,"I just can't deal with the phone calls I'm so much isolated that now I feel like i can't talk to anyone I'm 26 need jobs badly so applied but i just couldn't make it to go for the interview, i already know i don't have any skills and nobody will hire me with this type of personality +I can't even defend myself in the fight like if someone raise the voice get so emotional and feel like crying...😭",ghosted for two interviews in a row..,3 +347,"Like I won't be accepted as their other friends, like this person has a lot of other friends too and I'm totally replaceable, so I start to panic and then try to end the friendship quickly, like not intending to ruin it, I just feel I won't be accepted, I feel new, I feel like I don't belong anywhere.. Like sometimes I feel I need someone who is just like me, with no friends and totally weird in social world .. idk it's just the thought of talking to someone who is more like.. extroverted to other people making me feel sick, like so fucking sick, Like why and how do you talk to people? How did you even find this amount of supportive loving friends who accepted you? why that isn't me?.. I'm just so hurt that I dealt with since I was literally a child.. I hate myself so much + +I have been diagnosed with AvPD last month, and I didn't know what was it, I think I have it combined with Anxiety and Depression and C-PTSD as well.. I think I'm sure of this since my psychiatrist said that. + +Idk anymore what to do with my life.. I want friends who are like me and.. well.. LIKE me, Idk anymore.",Is it just me? or trying to make a friend with someone who has a lot of other friends making me feel bad about myself,3 +348,"I am slightly shaking as I'm writing this. I hope this post isn't all over the place. + +&#x200B; + +I have tried everything to combat my phone addiction; from productivity apps to uninstalling social media (and reinstalling them again) etc. I gave up on school, despite having been a very bright kid who skipped middle school grades as an immigrant to a new country, but now I'm an extremely miserable and depressed 19 year old girl with absolutely no life and with severe anxiety. I keep my mind occupied by scrolling endlessly on my phone. My go-to coping mechanism used to be daydreaming, but now even daydreaming costs too much energy and the content of the dreams are almost involuntary and disturbing, so now I dissociate differently through scrolling endlessly and losing track of time as well as my surroundings, for 10+ hours a day. Now, my heart is beating hard and I'm feeling extra anxious and panicky, all because I turned off my phone. I tried to get away from my laptop too, but here I am writing this. I have pretty noticeable chest pain as a reaction of trying to avoid numbing my brain scrolling on tiktok. I feel pathetic. + + + Currently, I am having a really bad time. I feel left out and abandoned. My only friend and boyfriend, who's the most wonderful human being, is out with his friends. I'm happy for him, but we haven't been able to call or play together for a week and even though I am an adult, I am not in a place where I can just go hang out with him. I kept my relationship with him a secret from my parent who I live with, to keep the peace and to not destroy the heart of my exceptionally kind, loving and sacrificial mother, who happens to be religious. My other siblings and I have disappointed her enough, especially me, her once very happy, intelligent, bright and ambitious baby. She knows I don't have friends, or a job, or any activities for that matter. I almost never leave the house except for going to my therapy sessions. So, coming up with excuses to see my boyfriend has also been a huge challange. He has done his absolute best during our relationship. He is the most caring, compassionate and nurturing partner of all time. He is my best friend, a person I can be playful and comfortable with, and I try not to make my AvPD or other mental health stuff effect him. I don't want him to feel guilty having fun with his friends, but I am so extremely jealous. He can go out and do whatever he wants and he has friends he can do things with. Even if I'm his priority, due to my circumstances I can't even make it all worth is. I'm currently depressed and have nothing fun to talk about or do, I can't even find excuses to leave the house. So I'm not blaming him, I am blaming myself for all of it. For how I feel, for the guilt I feel after realizing how jealous and bitter my feelings are, for being so uninteresting and for not doing more to change, + + +Trying not to use my phone now all of the sudden may also have to do with the fact that I don't want to stare at my notification the entire time, waiting for a text from him. If he doesn't text, I feel lonely and left out. If he does text, I feel like I will never experience ever going to places and parties with him and I get jealous. I don't let him know these feelings while I'm feeling them. I love this person immensely. He gets worried about me, and I don't want his weekend to be ruined by his clingy gf, even though when I have breakdowns of any kind he reassures me that I didn't ruin his day and he prioritizes me over other stuff in his day to just either come and be with me (we live in different cities) or call me until I feel better. + + +I want him to be happy. I have seen the positive impact I had on his life, and his impact on mine, and I'm scared that my loneliness and clinginess could hurt him, or hurt either of us, so I try to tone it down as much as I could. I'm tired, I miss him so much and I also feel bad for missing him, because I find it near impossible to do anything else with my time that he is the only thing left in my life.","Severe anxiety, phone addiction and clinginess",3 +349,"I've lost myself to the point where I feel like there's no meaning to being a part of society. Throughout history, human beings have been motivated by goals and aspirations, but I feel like I can no longer endure this way of living. The loss of my sense of self has left me feeling adrift, and without any direction or purpose.",Emotions are determined by the reactions of others,3 +350,"I want to give this therapist more of a chance and I'm tired of looking. The one I had previously was too casual and kept directing the conversation towards family drama rather than focusing on me. The therapist I have now talks a lot, often feeling like a motivational speaker. It seems like a lot of her advice boils down to ""just do it,"" which isn't always a negative, but I'm not looking for simple actions to take, which is important, but CBT can be extremely disappointing. I'm interested in delving deep into my psyche, but she doesn't seem as curious as I'd prefer. She doesn't ask enough questions and seems to assume a lot about me as if my concerns are simply general concerns, with general roots behind them. She talks specifically about surface problems, but vaguely regarding experiences and the reasons for problems in this life. I know that we all share a lot of the same feelings and experiences, but that's not what I'm interested in emphasizing, and to be honest, it doesn't make me feel better. I already know other people feel similarly to me, I already know that, but I also know that everyone's experience is different. People go to these pages to feel less alone, and it does help slightly, but that's not enough. I don't care to hear that I'm normal, it just feels minimizing. I want to connect with people but feel utterly incapable of doing so, even when I put myself out there and have conversations, I feel like I'm not really there talking to them, and they're not seeing me. My therapist wouldn't even see the AVPD, she thinks I just have depression. I don't know what to do, I'm scared to open up to her about my concerns, I don't know how I would do that. CBT is helpful in that it gives people practical ways to help themselves and take control of their lives, like taking small steps, for example. But, it's not enough for me.",Therapist concerns,3 +351," +i cant tell if its avoidant personality disorder or body dysmorphia or a sick combination of both but i highly suspect i suffer from avpd. it just all makes so much fucking sense, too much honestly and it hurts to think that life will always be this painful. i feel like theres nothing i can do about it. ive always said i feel like an alien. that i feel like i experience being a human differently than everyone else is. because if everyone else was hurting as much as me, no way theyd be able to keep it to themselves. everyone would be crying all the time. and theyre not. so i must be the weird one. + +i have these online friends i wanna meet, known them for 11 years, and they only live a few hours away. theyve expressed interest several times and im just this freak who cant leave the house. the thought of them looking at me terrifies me. theyve seen me through a phone screen but what if in person im too ugly? realistically i know they wouldnt suddenly turn on me and start bullying or anything but the idea that the thought still might pop into their heads, something along the lines of “oh, disappointing” or “at least i dont look like that” … its too much. its painful to think about. + +theres one friend who is pretty special to me. we met as kids through an online game, had a little flirty/crush/puppy love thing going on for a while but we grew up and didnt stay as close through the years, just checking in here or there… but lately they have become one of the most important people ever to me. and those dumb childish feelings started coming back, only now i think its evolved into something more, and i seriously have been hopelessly pining after them for the past 3 years or so… + +recently, they said they liked me. took me COMPLETELY by surprise as i had been trying (and failing miserably) to get over them. so this should be great news. but nothing can happen now. we just expressed our mutual “like” and now we flirt a little here and there but they said they dont think they can be in a romantic relationship right now, yet they keep initiating all of the flirting, and they mentioned how its hard not seeing me because if we could hang out things would be easier. which makes a lot of fucking sense. but this is also all very confusing. + +im stuck. im terrified. im ugly… theyve seen my face and know that im fat but theyve never really SEEN me. not fully. not from every angle. not up close. not in person. im anticipating the rejection, the disgust, and its too much… i wanna hold onto this idea in my head of us living happily ever after. and changing the relationship… will probably end in disaster. they said they need my friendship and that theyre scared this could ruin things. im scared too. im scared they’ll see me and any feelings of “like” will fade completely. and if i tell them this, im scared it will only speed up the process. they talk about wanting to kiss me and things like that and… ive never done anything with anyone. 12 yr old me is freaking out, i always hoped they would be my first back then lmao… so many firsts i wanna have and im scared it will mean too much to me and not them. how do i express this? do i even try? how the FUCK do i get over this and go see them? i need to see them. i need them. i need i need i need … i need help. can anyone talk to me?",why am i so scared of being seen?,3 +352,"I feel pretty bad about it, too. Last weekend I ""had plans"" (I didn't) and the weekend before that, I actually was sort of going through something. But tonight... I just don't want to see anyone. So I cancelled again. + +But I am trying to make up for it, and I offered to do lunch Sunday (he's accepted). + +I'm unsure if I told him about my disorder, and honestly, I think he'd not get AvPD anyways. I have had many experiences telling people about AvPD and they just sort of give a ""well-meaning, but not getting it"" nod. + +I have been diagnosed with AvPD for well over a year now, and I've been in therapy for even longer, so I'm quite good at the whole mindfulness thing. So, this year has been all about self-improvement for me. And I just don't feel ready to go back out into the nightlife. We go to gay bars quite frequently (we are both gay). I feel like I'm in my chrysalis as I finally work on myself for the first time, like ever. Going out feels like I'm forcing myself to hatch too soon and I just imagine myself as this gooey half-baked butterfly if I try to go out now. I want to get to my full form to go out and about. And I'm just not there yet. + +But further, going out is a lot of ""things that could go wrong"" for me. Where am I going to put my car? (Ubers are a lot of money here). What happens if I leave it at his place but I want to go home earlier than him? Etc. etc. + +Being alone in my apartment is just so peaceful. But it's lonely. And I know if I keep this up, when the loneliness becomes too much further on down the road, I might not have any friends left to see.",I have just bailed on a friend for the third weekend in a row,3 +353,"I am completely struggling. I am feeling a ton of social anxiety, and to compound that avpd is on overdrive. desperately want to hide and isolate and just get away from everyone including the few people I actually know here. Just (hopefully) stubbly ditched my one acquaintance here to go find a spot alone. I feel completely uncomfortable physically and mentally. I have to stay here because I have a networking event my boss is going to and I’m a guest of honor so I’m required to stay until tonight for but that makes everything even worse because people are bound to come up to me and ask about my work. Shit I hate avpd, everyone here is just chatting and enjoying themselves and learning and I am so in my head I can barely process anything.",At a conference for work and everything is making me want to hide.,3 +354," + +While having dinner mom said that  hitler was right about people like me. + +And at the evening, she said that again + +and she meant  one of two things either: + +People with disabilities should not get married & should not have kids because their kids would be sick like their parents. + +Or People with disabilities don't deserve to live. + +I was beyond shocked + +anyway,I wish  i have  enough financial resources so that i can leave","My mom said hitler was right about people like me, and she wasn't kidding",3 +355,"One of the biggest issues I have these days is the pain I get whenever I enter a shame spiral ( several times daily to varying degrees). I've gotten used to numbing the emotional pain through different techniques but I find that my arms, hands and legs ache whenever this happens. I'd describe the pain as similar to the sensation gaining feeling back after being in the cold too long. Does anyone else have this problem, and if so do you have any tips for dealing with it? + +I wasn't able to find any recent posts asking this but apologize if this is a question that has already been asked.",Physical Pain,3 +356,i've been researching avpd because i relate to it and i know it's caused by trauma in childhood but i didn't find any examples. what kind of trauma causes it? or can somebody have it without any significant trauma?,what kind of trauma causes avpd?,3 +357,"If someone calls, I feel even more nauseous. I’m relieved whenever it’s spam.",The sound of my phone dinging makes me feel sick,3 +358,Would anyone in their early 20s like to chat occasionally? Maybe even be friends? I literally talk to no one I figure maybe the social interaction could be beneficial,here goes nothing,3 +359,"I literally don't see a reason to continue living like this. I have no friends. I'm incapable of forming any meaningful relationships. I lack the ability to function in society successfully. I have no long term goals. I'm a burden and disappointment to my family. I live in a perpetual state of guilt and fear. The only time I'm vaguely happy is when I'm drunk, but I know that's not sustainable.",What's the point?,3 +360,Avpd r probably the chillest,why doesn't everyone just make friends here,3 +361,I’d never felt more hated than when I look at myself. Just plain inferior. It’s dramatic but sad. You can’t really get through much without falling apart. Don’t judge me but to me it really always gonna be like this because I’ve lost hope.,This disorder feels like permanent burnout.,3 +362,"Kind of a funny bit of trivia, I didn't expect to hear AvPD mentioned in a very 'manly-man' action movie like The Expendables, but at one point Randy Couture's character mentions he is going to therapy for it lol. He says it at the 18 second mark in this clip. + +[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikmkGbTVFV8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikmkGbTVFV8)",AvPD got a shout out in The Expendables,3 +363,"And before well meaning people jump in to say that I ""can't know that for sure"", or that ""there's someone for everyone""... please note that it will not make me feel better. Don't undermine my suffering, please. + + +People don't fall in love with someone who's a shell of a person, unable to function and express themselves. They don't become friends with ""people"" like me. +But without human connection, you are not able to grow up. You are left a forever lonely, lost child in a slowly decaying body. + + +There's only so much ""healing"" a person without a support system can do on their own. It's excruciating, and humiliating, constantly feeling like you're worse than everyone around you, a cruel parody on a living creature.",DAE feel like nobody will ever love you?,3 +364,"it was really nice even though we mainly talked about tea lol and how rough life is, i wanted to hear them out and it had been a while since we had connected one on one like that + + +we ended up chatting for hours! just between the two of us and it was really nice, i had never done that before with anyone except my family and my boyfriend. i think what made it better was how much they understood the hardship of just…talking about problems, we both struggle with even talking about ourselves, went through some real shit together, and finding someone else we could really talk to without fear of anything happening was so relieving. they arent on avpd level like i am but they really get it + +even though it’s still been really hard trying to socialize irl, i’ve felt really good about my progress to reconnect with online friends lately and have real conversations more with them and my bf, and it’s really helped a lot as ive been living alone and felt really lonely as of late, especially with the rough time ive had the past few weeks. + +it was a really nice pickup and it made me realize again how secure i can manage to feel with the right people.",reconnected with a good friend yesterday :),3 +365,"I'm certain I'd be diagnosed with this disorder, and many prophets would too. + +John the Baptist, for example, lived in the wilderness until he started his ministry. Now that is dedication! + +There are many verses related to AvPD in the Bible, I'll post some at the bottom. + +I avoid everyone but Jesus, because he is infinitely loving and wise, and talking to other people is TORTURE in comparison. + +I've experienced this phenomenon in my life many times, and I see it constantly across every facet of life - friend groups, businesses, etc + +If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. + +- Mark 3:24 + +It seems that we have realized no matter who or what we come into contact with, it's only a matter of time until it falls apart. + +I would argue this is not a disorder, but wisdom. + +In fact, I would encourage everyone to lean into this! + +Whatever can be shaken, let it fall. + +Jesus Christ is the only solid foundation. He is the only thing valuable enough to unite around. + +Without Christ, it WILL fall apart - your new social circle, workout plan, job, hobby... + +Don't settle for second best. Don't put your faith in a priest, pastor, friend, partner, family... Go straight to the source! + +He's waiting for you to call out. + +You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. + +- Jeremiah 29:13 + +Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. + +- Matthew 7:7‭-‬8 + +~~ + +AvPD: + +Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. + +- 1 John 2:15 + +You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. + +- James 4:4 + +If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. + +- John 15:19 + +And before someone brings up eternal hell, visit r/ChristianUniversalism - not all Christians believe eternal hell is biblical",Jesus taught avoidance,3 +366,"Do people get frustrated by you? I don't know why, but I detect frustration when I'm around others. Sometimes I just want to move far away and start a new life. I just want to get away from it all and disappear. They don't accept me, and so I just feel like I'm better off alone for eternity. I want to live on a remote island. People just judge me for the way that I am, and I hate it. + +I don't know why they hate me so much.",People get frustrated by me 😕,3 +367,"Due to an array of weird circumstances, I am a manager. A manager with avoidant personality. A manager who can't even say hi to her coworkers or ask for help. A very necessary skill for a manager. A manager who is visibly pushing down a panic attack each moment, choking on words and shaky hands. And you're too scared to ask to step down bc you already done so 3 times.. + +I have no idea whether to tackle the somatic issue, my panic attacks/nervous system arousal or the core issue, which is my feelings of not being worthy. I feel like I am inherently toxic and cold. I never say hi to anyone, even though a manager should be approachable and amicable... + +I will say; I focused a bit on healing somatically/the physical symptoms. At least with somatic healing I don't lock down and go onto a full blown panic attack anymore, where I am mute and shut down. I know my limit. + +I been a manager for a year now. I been avoiding my family, my career is falling apart and I have lost all my friends. I need help but I feel like financially it is not possible. + +I want to be medicated but SSRIs didn't do jack for me. Weed just bites you in the long run. Not sure if meds can ever really heal this. I just want to stop having panic attacks. But i know my core issues/inner monologue ans my unprocessed childhood trauma are what kick me into panic mode everyday. Panic mode makes me mute and silent, which peoppe percieve negatively. I go into work, and feel inadequate for anyone ever seeing me at my lowest. I avoid them out of fear of ridicule. And the cycle continues",'chicken or the egg' situation- do I treat the physical symptoms (panic attacks) or the core issue (childhood trauma/feelings of inadequacy),3 +368,"People have commented before on this, and what it is, is that I basically look up to people in the way a child would look up to an adult, and I do this because I admire how other people my age act like real adults, and are confident and capable of doing adulty things. I absolutely am not a real adult, despite my age. + +I also tend to want these people to look after me a bit/ make me feel safe/ protect me from other people because I view them as competent whilst I'm essentially an over grown child. I suppose this could stem from childhood trauma where I didn't feel protected maybe, so I now try to hide behind other people to feel safe. + +I don't know if anyone else experiences this. I've never seen anyone talk about something like this before so I fear I'm just a complete weirdo 🥲🥲. I'm not sure if this is actually a sign I have dependent personality disorder or something instead of being avpd related. + +Hopefully you guys can let me know if this is avpd related or not.",I act like a child and idk if it's just me or because of avpd,3 +369,"i know recovery is never an uphill slope but it still feels like shit when you take steps back. after getting little to no socialization for the past decade ive been really pushing myself to get out there more. ive joined a peer support organization for people with mental illness and ive been going multiple times a week. some days i feel like im making progress by challenging myself to engage in conversation and when it goes well it feels nice. but thats not every time... sometimes, like today, i feel like i dont belong and shouldnt be there. there were so many people today i just felt invisible and like i didnt matter so there was no point to even trying to make conversation. maybe it was too overwhelming or i had nothing to add to any coversations and yet i still feel like im back at square one. logically i know im not because im still going to keep trying but it just hurts to feel this way. to always feel like youre invisible and shouldnt exist. i dont want to feel like this. i want to have friends so badly its painful to be this lonely. i want to belong. and yet... i still believe i wont. im not giving up. it just sucks, personality disorders suck!",feeling better then worse again,3 +370,"I’ve been in therapy on and off since 2015. I’ve been diagnosed with Major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and bulimia. Recently I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD too. Though recently I’ve been thinking something more is wrong with me. I’ve been in therapy and been on meds since 2015 with med increases and it helps, but in stressful times or when I forget to take my meds I go back to the same thought patterns. Recently they’ve been coming up. + + +What makes me think it’s AVPD because for the past decade and a half I’ve always felt inadequate and not good enough, no matter what I do. It’s rare for me to think I’m “good” at something but even then I feel like I’m bragging and being obtuse or being narcissistic. Objectively I’ve had success, I’ve been to a reputable college and for grad school I went to an Ivy League school but I feel like it’s a fluke. + +I constantly feel like a nuisance and a burden. I regret and am critical with most of my reactions with other people and assume everyone is tired of me or thinks I’m annoying even though no one says anything or gives me one statement like “what’s up with all the talking.” + +I don’t like to be the first one to call someone a friend because I want to make sure they feel like they are my friend. I don’t want to impose myself on them and I assume they don’t want to be my friend. Even some of my friends now, I get into episodes where I assume they don’t like me but because they’re nice they tolerate me. I don’t like to reach out to them first because I don’t want to bother them. + +I don’t follow up with friendships because I don’t want to bother anyone. There’s people that I loved to spend time with and liked them as a human but I don’t want to bother them at all so I avoid. + +I don’t really date. I’ve had dating apps but I can only use them if I pay for the parts that lets me see who likes me first and then I go from there. + +Regarding jobs/working, initially I would take the first job offer I got because they wanted me, because I would assume I’m not good enough for any other place. I tend to be the person, since high school, to primarily only speak until I’m spoken to or is asked to speak, otherwise I stay quiet. I only have a handful of friends that I’ve known for at least a decade that I ask to hang out, but otherwise I usually don’t initiate conversations or social events. If I do it with high anxiety and expectation of rejection. + +Criticism is also detrimental to me. I’ve gotten better at it in the past year or so but it still just debilitates me. I feel like a failure and want to run away when I get criticism. + +So basically because I’ve been like this since high school (currently 30) I’m thinking I have AVPD. My job is social and interactive with people which makes it seem like I don’t have it but my impostor syndrome is so high unless I get verbal confirmation from others that I’m doing good. with everything else I assume I’m a bad person and I need to isolate and/or disappear; with family and friends and coworkers. + +Does anyone else relate? I have a therapist and I’m going to bring this up. + + +TL;DR +I think I have AVPD because of my baseline fear of rejection, criticism, wanting to have close friends but feeling inadequate and/or like a bad person, and I don’t want to initiate friendships or relationships unless they confirm they want to be my friend and/or like me. + +EDIT: I think I’m looking for anyone who thinks this might be AvPD and/or validation? Idk","I think I may have AVPD, anyone relate?",3 +371,"I'm currently in uni (not doing well) and today I decided to show up to a lecture, a girl from my dorm who takes the same classes as me sat in front of me. I saw her subtly taking a pic where I was in the background and circle my face out on it (to put the attention on me) in Snapchat. + +I have been avoiding all dorm activities and I know everyone else have become a tight group of friends while I have been too scared to go out there and get out of my dorm room to interact with anyone for the entire semester. + +When I think about it, it makes perfect sense that people find me weird and make fun of me. It's being the odd one out, the asocial guy who doesn't show his face. I mean I don't even know the names of the people in my hallway. + +I can understand why they would talk about my strangness or see me as weird, even be kind of disgusted by me. I am extremely akward, I lack social skills, I am anxious and get panic attacks (emotional flashbacks) when around people. I have no healthy boundaries and do not know who I am as a person (have no consistent sense of self). To cope with all this I avoid all situations in which people could reject me or shame me for my insecurities, lack of social skills etc. + +By avoiding situations, I am trying to avoid getting rejected or ridiculed, and deep down I know it's only normal to be frowned upon for being different or weird (think about the fact that you can't help but look at someone who walks weird because of arthritis, or when you come accros a homeless man lying on the side of the street). Your attention either gets caught or you try to consciously ignore it. + +Somehow I was still somewhat believing that I could fool the people in my dorm and hope they won't think of me as flawed, insecure, weird, antisocial, a loner etc. After seeing that I am indeed most likely a subject of ridicule, mockery, disgust etc to the people in my dorm I can fully drop my delusion. + +I have CPTSD and I developped my avoidance because of childhood emotional neglect/abandonment and abuse by my narc mother. My brain is wired differently than the average person with healthy and good enough parents. I didn't have secure attachments in childhood and I am for that reason developmentally arrested. + +The people in my dorm don't know me and don't know about my trauma or CPTSD. They are doing what humans do, pointing out the weirdness, the odd one out, the undesirable. + +It triggers people when they are confronted by something they don't understand or find weird, it's normal, they have their own insecurities and issues and can project all of that on the black sheep, on the odd one out. + +If I had healthy parents, good enough social skills and a fully developped and trauma free brain I would probably do the same when I encountered a weird person, heck I even have judged many people for being strange, undesirable or weird myself and thought I was superior to them.",I saw someone I barely know sneakily taking a pic of me while in auditorium,3 +372,,how often do you leave the house,3 +373,"I keep forgetting that some of my vent posts are actually more to do with social anxiety than avpd (at least it seems to be that way, because people in here don't seem to relate to some of my posts so I guess it's more to do with social anxiety than avpd). + +Just wondering if u guys think you have both or just avpd. I'm a bit confused about how some people with avpd don't have social anxiety as I thought they went hand in hand, but I guess not.",how many people here have social anxiety as well?,3 +374,"I want to better understand the relationship to addiction in this group. Non-substance related (behavioral) addictions included. Please participate!! +I hope you’re having a good day :P + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11gdlet)",Anyone else dealing with addiction or substance abuse?,3 +375,"I always have to somehow hear about whatever the hottest new topic is, be it politics, tech, music, media scandals, etc. And it is excruciatingly stressful to pretend to be interested in it whenever someone asks about it. + +\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + +Okay, I'm kidding, no one asks me anything about anything, cuz I don't talk to people. + +\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + +But seriously, I see it all the time and EVERYONE has to respond to it. It's exhausting...",Am I the only who doesn't give a shit about the current thing?,3 +376,"This happened 9 month ago. + +I (M,50) was being approached by a woman that was in the same class in school with me some 30+ years ago. + +I was just loading groceries into my car when she drove past behind me and said loudly: ""oh hey, that's a familiar face... :-)"". + +I turned around and was pleasantly surprised to see her... we started to talk, she said she has seen me in this supermarket before. + +We exchanged some small talk... what do you do, where do you live, do you still have contact with the people of the past... this kind of stuff. + +I already was kind of nervous, because of the small talk situation, but when the topic of the other people from the past came up, i began to panic. + +The thing is, that i was being bullied for the 5 years that I was in this class. Not from her, she was always nice. + +But the time in this class left it's marks and I didn't want to have anything to do with the people from these circles after I was done there. + +So at the end of our talk she asked if we should exchange numbers... and i froze. + +There were just so many thoughts in my head, but i couldn't say any of them because none of these were appropriate for a casual conversation after 30 years. + +A small part of me was flattered that she remembered me and cared to approach me. + +But all the other parts of my brain were actively persuading me why this was not a good idea: + +""when i exchange numbers i will have to be prepared for her to call/text anytime, i don't like this."" + +""i clearly still have a problem with the ""old times"" and the people from the past."" + +""when i call/text with her then i will have to explain this sooner or later or just lie and pretend that these things did not affect me."" + +""this is not the kind of topic that i can casually bring up after 30 years, so i can't explain this, and don't think that i can lie, either..."" + +""besides, if i exchange numbers then i will have to, well, talk... text... ask questions... like a normal person, and since i live very isolated, i kind of forgot how to do this."" + +""and what do i do if she wants to get a coffee... or meet others..."" + +""it's better to just end this here now and not exchange numbers."" + +""but i can't say that i don't want to exchange numbers, who does something like this? i would have to explain this."" + +I was spiraling... + +I'm not sure how long i stood there saying nothing. I guess she could tell from my face that there was a problem. + +Then she said: ""you don't have to say anything"". + +I think I mumbled something like ""okay"", and ""it was really nice meeting you"" and we parted. + +I should have just exchanged the number and go from there. + +I really would have liked to be able to do this, but i couldn't. + +I regret this now, and i am constantly thinking if i should contact her (I know her address but of course not her phone number, so i would have to write a letter i guess) and try to explain things. + +At least tell her that it \*really\* was nice seeing her and that my reaction (or lack thereof), was not because of her, but had other personal reasons. + +But of course, everything is much more awkward now than if i would just have exchanged the number...",I was triggered while talking to an old school friend and crashed the interaction,3 +377,"It's starting to warm up because spring is coming and whilst I love the warmth, I also worry about spring and summer because I often feel really lonely at this time of year. Everyone will be going out and I will be stuck inside on my own :(",am happy but also worried about the warmer weather,3 +378,"A person i know told me to give my resume at mcdonalds since he know people who work there, i told him i will think about it, and i'm getting so anxious, people i know work there, all i'm thinking is that i will get ridiculized by them because i'm inept and i have adhd, i heard it's pretty confusing working there, plus the restaurant is in city center, and there is alot of work. + +I'm almost 26, i know i have to start to live, i have zero experience, i'm still a f\*\*kin child, but i'm confused. + +Guys it's really really hard for me, what's your advice in this situation?",Fear of jobs,3 +379,"He told me he doesn't think I have it, only SAD. Above all, the constellation in my parental home would not favor this. I think that many of my AvPD-like symptoms are probably due to my depression. + +Anyway, thanks for all your advice, it really helped me a lot :)",I told my therapist about my assumption of AvPD,3 +380,"I know it's not good for my ears but most of the time I'm always on my earphones. At this point, I really don't think I can go a day without them. Music is the only thing that makes me feel alive on this lonely journey of mine. It offers me a chance to zone out and escape my reality. Bottom line is that it really makes me feel better. + +Can you guys link me your favourite song, I would really appreciate it. This is one of my personal favorites right here - [Empire Of The Sun - There's No Need](https://youtu.be/eehJ9k5aKpI)",Music's my only remedy,3 +381,"I (23F) don’t know how to explain myself to the people closest to me. When they look at me they see potential and they figure I should be more independent. I graduated college in December and my family, although they won’t say it to my face, expected me to land an impressive, stable job right out of college but they didn’t realize (and I know this is mostly my fault because I never really opened up to them about it) that my avoidance got progressively worse as I went through college. + +I never made any friends. Not one. Always too self conscious and awkward. I don’t talk to anybody I met in college. I was even on the volleyball team and never got close to any of my teammates over the four whole years. Only kept it amicable and surface level. Always to scared to open up. I grew progressively more lonely as the years went on. I felt a lot of shame about my lack of social life and made sure to never really bring it up around family when I would see them over break. I figured all that mattered was that I get good grades and work hard in volleyball. Besides my social anxiety and depression would be so overwhelming most days, the only thing I felt like I had the energy for was school and sports. I was constantly overwhelmed and didn’t have the energy, desire, or confidence to be social. The worst part was hiding this part of myself from family. Always feeling like I’m constantly hiding. +I basically just went through the motions in college but that’s honestly all I had the energy for. It felt impossible to dream up a future, a career, because I was just trying to get by each day. I would always (and still do) feel guilty for wasting my time in college. For passing up dozens of opportunities that were right in front of me because of my avoidance and fear. + +So it’s been three months now that I’ve graduated and I still don’t know what I’m doing with my bachelors degree. I know I’m letting my family down. +I’ve been living in my mom and stepdad’s house since I’ve been out of college and I only recently got a job at a cafe and everyone seems to think I’m selling myself short, doing the bare minimum. The thing is, this job was basically handed to me because my mom is one of the managers and they were desperate for people. I only just started this job and dealing with the customers has been hell. But I thought this would be a good way to finally step out of my comfort zone. Even if I’m not using my degree yet at least I’m earning my own money right? Wrong. It doesn’t feel like enough. I suppose I feel pressure to live up to other people’s expectations of me. But I also honestly know I should be doing more. I should have a license, a social life, an exciting job, more independence—but there’s something wrong with me, something missing. I know I should have more compassion for myself but that’s really hard in the position I find myself in. + +I’m honestly more frustrated with myself than anything. I feel intense shame about my lack of social skills and general fear of people. This simple cafe job even feels like too much for me because of all the interacting with customers, which only fills me with more shame and frustration. If I can’t handle this job then what can I handle? I feel stuck and hopeless. I think I might be looking into a therapist so there’s that. +Sorry for making this so long.",Feel like a piece of shit,3 +382,"For many people, i believe the following is true: + +your would-be favorite food and favorite drink is out there yet to be discovered. + +there is a hobby/activity/sport which you have never tried which would become your favorite if you did + +A person exists somewhere who would be your best possible friend if you met + +There is a place which would be your favorite place to visit or favorite place to live. + +&#x200B; + +Its so important to try as many things as possible, even for an avoidant. You dont know what you are missing - literally.",life discoveries,3 +383,"Hello, just want to share my experience. Please watch out with using meds long term. +Especially benzos. + +If you need meds you need meds. No doubts. But most meds don't heal. They're a temporary solution. + +I compare benzos to alcohol.. Very effective for anxiety. Strange comparison? No, they both make things worse in the long term. A benzo addiction is one of the worst addictions you can have. +My psychiatrist putted me on them for 5 years daily. In didn't knew better 15 years ago. No internet... Very irresponsible from him. + +The withdrawals are insane. I never experienced something like that. Even more harsh compared to hard drugs (well,benzos are a hard drug). And I did a lot of drugs in the past. I learned from it. 15 years ago I said for every problem there's a pill. Can you imagine that? I was delusional and unaware. + +There's not a magic pill or drug. Sorry I have to say this. +Maybe I'm saying well known things. +But use benzos with caution. 4 weeks at max... Or 2 times a week. Otherwise you're in for a very unpleasant surprise that can ruin your life. + +But yeah... I'm not a doc...and don't stop taking your meds cause you're reading this. Talk about it with a professional. Ask advice. Do research about the meds you're taking. +Meds can help a lot. But not long term. Long term a big no go.",Just a warning. But don't stop taking your meds.,3 +384,"My only purpose of writing this is probably just to vent. I don't even know if this is a right sub for me to post on, because I don't have any diagnosis, but I feel I can relate to most things described here. I'm 23 years old and basically I feel like a defective human specimen. I'm scared of everything, every task or opportunity seems impossible to achieve. Even when I'm writing this I can almost feel physical pain. I can't communicate with people and feel inferior to basically everyone and unworthy of anything. The feeling of powerlessness and inability to change this is unbearable. I don't know why I decided to write all of this and what to expect, but here it is. +Wishing a good day for anyone that might somehow read this post.","My first post on any social media, ever",3 +385,"I talk to a lot of people sometimes then I get really exhausted and can’t keep up. Then I don’t want to talk to many people anymore. The people I end up not talking to anymore, some get really upset at me for not talking to me anymore, but they don’t tell me, so how am I supposed to know?",Do people get upset at you because you used to talk to them a lot then you stop talking to them?,3 +386,"I quickly notice negative behaviours when i talk to people. I feel like their sound changes, they roll their eyes etc. So i stop talking to them immediately. And when i notice, it ruins my day. It is one of the things that makes me avoid most of the social interactions. + +Can you guys relate?",Noticing negative behaviours while talking to someone,3 +387,,My comforting song cover from K's Choice.,3 +388,"please, someone to encourage me, help me.. it's going to get worse if I don't go, it's been more than a week already. + +I hate that I'm neglecting and self-isolating myself so badly because of my issues, I hate it so much. I'm so lonely, the only motivation I have is from myself -and needless to say there's literally none + +incidentally I have to see a doctor, a dentist, an orthodontist, and an endocrinologist and it's so so so hard to get myself to do it oh god, I'm like slowly decaying",I really need to go to the pharmacy,3 +389,,Anyone else go from loud and extroverted to this??,3 +390,"My parents have decided to stop paying for my food, in the middle of a catatonic depression. I’m scared for myself. I woke up today finally having had enough with starving. I was on my way to the store, for the first time in a month (I’ve only been running low about a week tho), when I got this text from my dad: + +“Do not spend any money at all this week. Rent is coming out and there is ONLY enough in there for the payment. Unfortunately, you have gone through the remainder of the ‘borrowed money’ from the loans I took out. And you didn’t get a rent discount this year because you filled out the renewal too late. You will have to ask for permission before any new expenses for us to move money into the account.” + +I’m backed so far into a corner. I am just defeated. I have no food left, I have no money, and I can’t bear the judgement. It feels like I’ve already lost everything, now they’ve even taken *my food?* I can’t do anything about it in this mental state. They don’t even know I’ve already failed out of my semester and can’t leave my apartment. And my parents are insane. Legitimately delusional and abusive human beings. I mean I’m crazy, but these folks? Who starves their mentally ill son because ‘there’s not enough money’ and then flies to Vegas for the weekend for a vacation? I hate myself but even I don’t deserve this. + +The isolation, judgement, and control I live under is unimaginable. There’s nothing metaphorical about it, it is torture. + + +Edit: I’m doing alright, got some help from a friend for this week. Looking into my options.","I am really, truly screwed this time",3 +391,"If people I care about don’t make it extremely evident to me that they also actually care about me then I feel unsafe & I just want to ghost them, but I also really can’t tell where the line between me needing too much reassurance is vs them genuinely showing me that they’re not that interested. + +I don’t really believe that anyone would want to be around me or understand why they would, which also clouds my view. I feel like having friends is so painful for me because I’m always feeling like they don’t want me around & not knowing if I should just completely stop talking to them if we haven’t talked a lot lately or if any aspect of our dynamic shifts. + +It’s actually easier & less painful to ignore being lonely than it is to be confronted with constantly feeling inadequate & unwanted. I needed to vent about this, but I also want to ask if these feelings have lessened for anyone over time? If it’s just going to be this uncomfortable forever then I actually don’t think it’s worth it.",Expecting too much from friends?,3 +392,Hey y’all. I’ve just been wondering if any of you have tried and had success overcoming symptoms through meditating. Could it be worth a shot?,Meditation,3 +393,"I get feelings of worthlessness as soon as the infatuation fades even by a fraction. + +It's fucking brutal, I can't fucking live wondering when is my partner gonna get bored with me and see me as plain as I see myself all the goddamn time. I sometimes get this idea of asking normal people how insecure they are in a relationship and measure that and compare it to how insecure I am. The difference in results is probably gonna be crazy. Is it normal with this disorder? or I'm even worse than regular people with avpd? This is gonna drive me crazy one day, I already feel myself wanting to leave",Feeling worthless in my relationship because my partner's tone sounds dismissive at times?,3 +394,"I’ve been secretly struggling with avpd for years, I couldn’t even tell you when it began. What I do know is- it started out as severe social anxiety and has gotten progressively worse as times passed. I have panic attacks/trouble sleeping nearly every day and feel like I’m incapable of doing anything 99% of the time. I’ve never told anyone about my struggles. Today I started online college and signed up for betterhelp therapy through my school. I’m absolutely terrified for this journey but I’m proud of myself for pushing myself to get here. As someone who’s struggled to commit to a career/obligations and take initiative with anything- this is huge for me. I never thought I could get to this point- and I still have to follow through with everything I’ve committed to lol- but I’m wishing you all the best and encourage you to celebrate your little victories everyday.",small victories,3 +395,How many of these do y'all have?,"Current 'golden' standard: High school degree, college degree, full-time job, financially stable, boyfriend/girlfriend, children, social life, friends, physically attractive, and mentally stable.",3 +396,,"Do you like my meme, or does it hit a little too close to home",3 +397,"I just went a week without reading a DM I got after hanging out last week cause I felt they might not want to hand out again. The message actually said ""Hey was fun hanging out, happy to hear from you again""",How often do you avoid reading DMs out of fear of what they might say?,3 +398,"When it comes to dealing with people, from family to coworkers, I go completely blank and my brain just shuts off. Like my brain is like oh you have to talk someone, count me out. Afterwards, I can draw a million reasons why the way someone behaved, mostly negative and I have no objective insight into how the person received the interaction. I'm honestly lost, so to not be a burden and not become depressed I'm just going to isolate. It's easier, safer and more peaceful. I have no conviction that I'm able to socialize.",I can't trust my own judgement,3 +399,"I heard avoidants are reluctant to seek therapy... + +Well, in 2021 I had a very hard time struggling with my mental health (I have ocd). I scheduled therapy 3 times with 3 different therapists and unscheduled it before every appointment because I couldn't gather the courage to go, I could not stand the fear of being judged and exposing my vulnerability like that, I felt so ashamed I wanted to vanish. + +Anyway... currently, I am on meds for my ocd because I finally managed to go to a psychiatrist. +However, I don't wanna be on meds forever, so I started therapy too. + +It has been 3 sessions so far and I am seriously considering leaving. Although I see how this can be helpful, I cannot stand the shame it brings me to talk about myself like that. It doesn't matter how many times the therapist says he won't judge me and understands me. My brain tells me that is absolutely impossible. + +To make it worse, I cried last time on therapy because I was talking about some very personal struggles. This made me even more ashamed. + +The therapist lives near my house and as fucked up as that sounds I am so scared to walk near the place where he lives and cross him on the street (it happened once)..... yesterday I was there and felt as if I was gonna faint, not exaggerating. The shame is unbelievable. + +My next session is on Friday... today is Wednesday... oh dear God I can't believe I am paying to feel like this. + +I can't even tell if his approach is the problem or if it is just my avoidance. Honestly I think I'd feel like this with any therapist.",I am so damn scared of my therapist,3 +400,"I spend my days ruminating about what could have been , i basically stopped living when i was 14 years old , (i am 27 now) , i wish I can just go back in time to change everything",it's killing me,3 +401,"She doesn't deserve to ask for a hug and especially not in the right to pretty much force it on me while she says she's ""just stressed"" after yelling in my face because I made a minor mistake. Then complains about how neither me nor my dad give her affection. If she and I can agree the man she married is horrible, then she should be able to look in the mirror and recognize what she sees too, but no, coz she's ""better than him"". + +I'm only ever patient with her and when she happens to see what i did isn't to perfection, I'm just degraded in the angriest and loudest manner possible and reminded for how i keep making mistakes. Then there's my dad who is an emotionally and verbally abusive misogynistic narcissist whom i just tolerate because anytime i say something I'm deemed too young to know anything or too serious. + +Even though I silenty seeth with anger everytime they put me down, everytime that anger and resentment fades away, I still go back to craving the love I want from them and loving them the ways I know I can that they will accept. They're very fortunate to have as good of a daughter as I am and they don't even realize it. Why do I have to live with this repeated mistreatment for being human :(",I'm too patient with my parents for their own good,3 +402,,True,3 +403,By this logic I must be a real piece of shit.,"""You’re not a one hundred dollar bill, not everyone is going to like you"" Okay, what if no one does?",3 +404,"I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but there is this guy in my uni, he is very enthusiastic with me, maybe because I was nice with him when I saw him depressed (still says he is), he spends so much time alone. +but I don’t know how to return the enthusiasm, and I feel so disappointed in myself after each convo with him, I have never had any friend growing up, so I don’t have that much experience when talking to people, but he is a really nice person and I don’t wanna keep disappointing him. +sometimes I avoid him just cuz I don’t wanna keep giving him more depression out of my dryness.",a guy,3 +405,"Hello. So I woke up stressed again and thought I should really open up here because maybe others are going through something similar. Long story short I’ve had such a hard time with finding and keeping work and part of it is because I have difficulty communicating especially when things done go as planned. I’ve gotten so behind on a project that I feel frozen. The days and weeks just keep passing by and I keep avoiding talking to the client about the true status and stress keeps growing. I’m afraid to even check my emails most days. I know what I need to do and I know I need to talk to the client so that I can move forward and also so that I can get paid, but I really feel frozen with shame and avoidance and stress. Frozen is the best word to describe it. I hate these feelings.",Ghosting a client and stressing myself out daily,3 +406,"I think about old friends every single day, always reminiscing about the good old days where I used to have people that liked me and I used to laugh a lot and make memories I've never since forgotten. I regularly fantasise about still hanging out with old friends I haven't spoken to in over a decade, making up memories that never happened just trying to forget that are not part of my life anymore. + +The only times I've ever been truly happy was just being ""one of the guys"" where I was invited to things and people liked having me around for some reason I couldn't quite understand. And I just pushed everyone away assuming they all secretly hated me, with absolutely evidence to support that claim. Then I spend the rest of my life thinking about them every day hoping some day they might still think of me and reach out cause I definitely am not the one to do it first. + +I haven't had a friend in years now and my life feels so empty without them, they really do fill a massive gap in my life. Feeling wanted and liked by others is the best thing I've ever felt, but it never lasts long before they see how really odd I am and a distance starts forming. + +Anyway sorry for the rant, just having one of those days that even though it's exactly the same as every other day, it also just feels worse for some unknown reason.",I really miss having friends,3 +407,i dont understand why such minor situations cause me so much embarrassment and shame. i just asked to sign up for something and i was told i cant until tomorrow and now im hating myself and wishing id never leave my house or socialize. thats something that would mean nothing to other people and yet it makes me feel nauseous. i really hope these symptoms can get better because i dont know how i could live the rest of my life this way. im tired of feeling constant shame and embarrassment when im in public and within social situations that leave me feeling suicidal when its never a big deal to anyone else. i hate how sensitive i am especially to silly things. does anyone else feel this way?,harmless situations cause embarrassment and shame,3 +408,"As a 28M, whose never been in a relationship before, I don’t see myself really learning or understanding how to date/be a good partner, on the level of women who are my age. + +For others in this situation, how do you cope? I’ve thrown myself at my career as an addiction counselor, guitar, poetry, working out, boxing, but a bit of a void is still there. What else can I do to stop feeling like I’m missing out?",How do you make peace with the idea of never dating/falling in love?,3 +409,"I had social anxiety or still have some of it. I also was diagnosed with AvPD by one therapist but I am not sure if that one fits. +I tick a few boxes and every personality style test says I am anxious avoidant but I don't really know what that would mean. + +So what it something that makes someone AvPD in your experience?",What is AvPD like?,3 +410,"I don't live with my her anymore so she has less power but she likes to use my bond with the family dog as a weapon. My vulnerable narcisstic brother (over 30yo) ''pretends'' not to like the dog, he doesn't actually hurt the dog but he pretends not to like it and the dog can sense it and feels confused. He moves between this and making a joke about it in front of others to cover himself that it is just purely an act. For example, i know he will have some pictures taken with the dog showing that he likes the dog so if anything were to happen he would play victim. (yet he will keep them hidden) + +My nmon knows my brother does this out of insecurity towards me and she plays to it, when I speak to her on the phone she will bring my, brother, into the conversation even when I was not talking about him she pretends to mishear that id asked him a question just so he can say something like''' im just busy punching the dog' then my nmom gleefully says back to me he says he's says he is punching the dog, and she does this to make sure I say something back so they get the reaction their looking for even though she knows I can hear perfectly well what he said. I dont take the bait but says something to move the conversation along like'' sounds pretty lame''. + +They do this routine all the time in different ways and my nbrother has even started a new one where he jokes about getting ready for his fight with me and my nmon plays to this aswell, encouraging the imaginary conflict and trying to bait me into saying something back that escalates the situation. Of course again if anything were too happen I would be blamed regardless of the outcome cause it's all just a joke after all. Making vague threats of violence and beng low-key mean to the dog. + +My nmon has done this in the past with her ex bf she would vaguely threaten me with him and she would encourage them to ''step up'' and argue with me when they didn't really want too. That led to a fight one time with her bf confronted my youngest brother and cornered him in the bathroom He came out crying and said he got punched which led me to react and a fight. (my bro lied, he was just scared). I ended up getting arrested and blamed for the whole situation, the bf holds deep grudge against me because the trauma so I have to avoid certain family gatherings where he is there. Even though my nmom orchestrates the whole thing. + +Just wanted someone to share this with as its quite depressing",Narcissistic mom uses family pet as a weapon,3 +411,"I've had the perfect childhood, all the opportunities, great parents, a lot of friends (that even now, 30 years later are my friends). + +My parents supported me in everything, my mom is the best. + +Then I got meningitis and everything changed. I was never the same again. Started doing drugs to cope with my emotions (yes, weed is still an addictive drug) , partying all weekends with my friends. Xtc was just a normal thing when going to techno parties. It's the love drug... You feel so connected with others on xtc. Everyone was on xtc. +Got addicted to weed for 20 years. Luckily I quitted with that 3 years ago. + +My mom was always worried about me. Now she's 73 years old and still worrying about me. +It's my task now taking care of them. But I can't. +My dad is dementing. When visiting them I use kratom(legal). +I feel normal and happy then. +Me happy=my mom happy. But it's masking. Not the real me. If my mom sees me happy and positive... And yes... I notice that directly...if my parents are happy and not worrying... I feel better, I don't want them to worry. +I just want her to be proud, she says it doesn't matter. I am who I am and she will always be proud of me. But... I see the difference, i can read and feel emotions from others very good.... More a curse than a blessing. + +Sometimes I can't clean my house cause I feel to bad. And really.. It feels that people care more about that instead of me. The first thing they ask...did you clean. They don't ask... How do you feel. + +So, if someone wants to visit me now I need to know it a few days before the visit. Then I clean, even if I feel bad. My mom can't visit me unexpected. + +She wants to help me... I don't want that anymore. I'm not a kid. +Masking my emotions with kratom for seeing people and not worrying them.. Yes, I'm not complaining about my life when I see them, I'm positive. And I really feel good than. So.. It's not fake... But In a way it's fake. +It's making things worse. +Not for the outside world, they see me when I'm on kratom and don't understand why I'm on healthcare. Sometimes I hear that others are saying I'm taking advantage of the healthcare system. That's very hurtfull to hear. +I realize I could have normal life. Just one dose of kratom.. And I feel normal. Like I want to be. +But that's not how it works. +Now, if someone wants to visit me I use kratom for having less anxiety. And yes, kratom is a miracle for anxiety, depression. A very difficult choice.. Staying at home for weeks or using kratom, going to a concert and seeing new people. +On my YT channel I'm the most positive person. Making videos, talking, social. No one has a clue about how I really feel. + +My biggest fear is losing my parents.. And it's coming closer and closer. I feel so much guilt towards them. I can't even think about that. I owe everything to them. I want them when they leave this earth... I want them to know that I'm doing good. That it's not their fault. They don't need to worry. I will be alright. So they can go in peace. + +Gonna stop now cause I'm tearing up. + +Have a good evening.",Feeling guilt.,3 +412,"Hello, I'm I the only one? But the more I use social media the more I feel alone. Social media isn't social at all. Sometimes I delete everything on my phone.. Feeling so much better but then I'm getting the fomo feeling. Installing all the apps again cause I don't want to dissapear and worry people. + +But it's most of the time the opposite...people I support suddenly dissapear. A difficult thing to handle. + +I'm replying to extended to DM's. +When someone criticize me I overreact.. Feeling very bad afterwards.. I don't want to be that way. + +People dissapear with one touch on a button. And I'm thinking the worst. A person on IG when I had my mental health support page killed himself a while ago. We texted every night for months. +I can't save or rescue people. But that was a difficult thing to deal with. Like I failed. + +So, it's better to quit it all. Social media is poisoning society. + +I can't expect people to care cause I care for them. Sad but true. + +But it's a vicious circle.",I just want to throw my smart phone away.,3 +413,"Anyone one else kinda smart but because of zero social skills, they never made it + +I have load of education and a degree, but during my degree I was an avoidant mess who struggled socially, and once I left there and tried to work it was just traumatic. I'm 30 now and never worked in the field my degree is in and never plan to. + +I have just closed the door on that part of my life and im still just surviving lol. I hop from one meaningless job to the next, usually low paid, and then when people start judging me cos they can see I'm intelligent, and are like why the fuck are you here, I create distance, then bail out of shame",wasted opportunities,3 +414,"For me, having APD is like dying in slow motion. You just watch all these years go by, one after another, as you unwillingly stay alone and sabotage your relationship potential with others. It's like standing stationary on a train station platform, and just watching the trains of life pass you by, year after year, but you are too terrified to ever get into any of the trains. Anyone else feels the same? That's how I can describe it",What is it like for me having APD?,3 +415,"during the pandemic my social skills plummeted as well as my mental health. i deleted all social media and effectively made it impossible for anyone to contact me. i had a lot of friends, many who were friends for 5-10+ years… but i ghosted them. all of them. i was in such a horrible mental state for over a year, that when i finally came out of it all that was left was shame. + +its been 3 years now and i’m extremely lonely but i don’t think going back and trying to apologize would mend any of these relationships. i know i’m a horrible person for doing this but it’s like i can’t help myself.",how to you recover from being a ghoster,3 +416,,Self doubt in its best,3 +417,"for basically my whole life i have been scared to get close to anyone. getting close to people and trusting them with personal things about me terrifies me but i want to experience it so badly. i feel as if i come across basically like a cold bitch to most people because i struggle to give out compliments, or say i love you to anyone (especially family). it just feels embarrassing in a way. + +another thing is that i hate it when someone likes me too much because i know that i can't give them back what they expect from me and it makes me feel so guilty. i had a very average childhood with my parents divorce when i was 5 being the only significant thing i can think of. my dad and his new wife bring up to me all the time that i'm distant and cold and that i need to make more of an effort and i'm trying my best to but even just simple things like calling his wife by her name takes so much energy out of me to the point of wanting to breakdown as it's so overwhelming. + +i just like don't trust myself or my judgement at all and can never tell what level a relationship i have with someone is at + +and idk where any of this came from as i don't remember being any different😭 + +is this avpd or something else?",is it avpd?,3 +418,,"Tipps for introverts, Relationships and staying sane",3 +419,"Do you feel that you'll be alienated even here, among people that have ""same feelings""? ""I bet they hate it, so I won't post anything"", ""I can't figure out how to make a good comment, so if I do, they'll think I'm stupid"", ""Should I show same reaction, to fit it"", ""I'm not diagnosed, so I think my experience isn't worth of sharing"". + +Hiding your TRUE SELF even here. Same society, same rules, same reaction.",AvPD among AvPDs,3 +420,"I have terrible avpd social anxiety and hyperhidrosis combination +I cant even talk on phones...no friends no job at 25 +And dont have guts to apply for jobs even if i do i will not go for interview and i have no skills even if I'm graduate +How to regain the self worth and confidence pls help +I cant evn afford therapy..",How to get job like this?,3 +421,"My life is spent largely devoted to work. Between morning prep, commute, actual work hours, and evening prep like laundry, packing lunches, and other small maintenance tasks I only get about 3 hours a day to be myself. After all, I need to be in bed at a decent hour or else I won’t be well-rested for the next work day. That’s it. That’s my life. + +Meanwhile, even though I’m so devoted to work that I sacrifice the vast majority of my life for it, I’m barely earning enough money to survive. I have over $50,000 in debt that is slowly growing as I struggle to make ends meet. I don’t know if I can ever pay it off. I can pay off maybe 1/3rd of it if I really push hard and eat ramen for the next 6 months. I’m turning 40 in 6 months. + +At what point am I supposed to go from “surviving” to “thriving”? I know most people earn the majority of their money later in life but I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. What is my purpose? Why am I grinding on the world’s worst-ever RPG system? I feel like I’m on an economic treadmill that keeps speeding up every year, and at some point I know I won’t be able to keep up. + +My job itself is relatively easy, I’m a data analyst at a medical device manufacturer. For the most part it’s just pulling reports for managers and being really good at Excel and Power BI. Though I don’t know if I’m that good at my job. Tomorrow marks 1 year in this position, and every night I feel like I’m doing the bare minimum. Like I’m that guy on the team that everyone else talks about behind his back. I imagine they say things like, “He’s so slow. What’s he even doing all day?” or “I better schedule this meeting because if I wait for him to do it, it’ll never get done.” They don’t say these things out loud of course, and maybe they don’t even think them… but maybe they do. Maybe I’m just treading water but refusing to swim towards the shore. I think I’m ok because my head is still above water, but realistically if I keep doing this I will drown. I need to swim. + +I just feel like such a loser, all the time. I don’t have kids, and I don’t want them. I’m not married, but I’ve been in a relationship with someone for just over 12 years. We live together. She makes a lot more than I do, so she pays the mortgage and I pay everything else. It’s probably not a fair arrangement for her, but I just literally don’t make enough to split everything 50/50. She earns $40k more than I do a year. She would literally need to pay our mortgage 3x a month just to get to my wage. Then we could split the 4th one, that would make it even. Even with that justification in my mind, it makes me feel like a loser. Not that she makes more than me- good for her! She deserves it! Just that I can’t contribute equally. I feel like a mooch. We work the same hours at the same company and do roughly the same amount of work. But her’s pays more. Them’s the breaks I guess. + +Overwhelming shame. About nearly everything. + +I’m too fat. I’m too bald. I’m too old. + +I’m not smart enough. I’m not rich enough. I’m not funny enough. + +I know those are called “automatic negative thoughts”, or ANTs, and like ants they should be easy to squash. I’ve read about them in cognitive behavioral therapy books. I would go to therapy, but it’s expensive. My company pays for 3 sessions a year. The other 49 weeks you can fuck off and die, I guess. + +Is there more to this life? Is this all I’m supposed to do? Click buttons all fucking day, sit on the couch and scroll on my phone while watching some insipid movie or tv show, then repeat? All day, every day, until I’m old enough to scrape by on social security? This is it, huh? This is the whole fucking thing? + +There needs to be more, because I swear sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it. I’m not suicidal or anything but like what exactly is motivating me to keep going? + +I have hobbies and interests, and I indulge in them as often as I can. I grow hot peppers and make my own hot sauces, I hike in the woods and enjoy nature, there’s so many things to occupy my free time—if I HAD ANY- but the fact is I devote 87.5% of my day to making someone else richer. So my measly 3 hours a day- which are in the darkness by the way because the sun has set- are not exactly prime times for gardening or hiking. I have an automatic timer that waters my plants for me because I can’t even be present to tend to my own garden. + +It’s absolutely ridiculous. + +When exactly am I supposed to do anything of substance, of value? + +3 hours in the fucking dark. + +That’s what I get to live off of. + +Most of that time is spent focusing on my increasing mound of debt. + +$50,000 would literally change my life and put me back in the green for the first time in years. Meanwhile, I get to help analyze the company private jet spend. Cost us over $365,000 to operate for a total of 11 days last month. We paid $75,000 just in pilot fees for the month of January. I don’t earn that in a year. So when I see how much money there is, how much is available to toss around, and just how little of it I get… why would I “work harder”? Why would I sign up for more of this disrespect? + +I just don’t know why. Why can’t I work 4 days instead of 5? Why can’t I be remote, considering I have only had 1 face-to-face meeting in the last month? I’m wasting a ton of money on a car that I primarily use to get to work, a ton of money on a special wardrobe that I only wear at work—it’s absurd. And depressing.",The hollow self,3 +422,"When I'm alone or doing my own thing, I don't feel alone so much. I'm used to being alone and doing my own thing, and here and there I communicate with people. That's okay. But when I'm suppised to be part of a group, I start to feel inferior to others and that I don't belong. Everyone else is interacting with each other but somehow I am left outside the group. + +The school and Uni were propably the worst, because you are alone amongst everybody else everyday. In my current work everything is okay, because I work from home and I don't see the others interacting all the time. I just pretend that everyone else is doing their work alone, same as me. But. Now we have this group work at my work and now I feel alone again. We should be interacting with each other, but I'm not interacting with anyone. In meetings I hear how everyone else has been working with each other, except for me.. Group work makes me feel so alone :(",Feeling I don't belong,3 +423,"I think we all know that feeling. When you reveal something about yourself and people are so surprised that you're also human. + +It makes me sad because it reminds me that people see me as this unapproachable & uncool person when I have my own personality. It makes me feel disingenuous and makes me even more self conscious about how I come off.",When people are so surprised to learn something about you because you're so quiet,3 +424,"And it feels totally warranted. Its like I'm sensitive to when people are trying to take advantage of me. I'm aware we live i a society that's all about money. Whenever I see an ad or celebrity I don't feel the positive emotions other people do so much im more focused on the awareness of what they are trying to do. I know in the real world I have few allies if any. I do know good people exist but I am disconnected from them by my experience is too unrelatable, and they are hard to find.",I'm such a cynical person,3 +425,"My birthday was last month. I turned 26. I went to a buffet with my mom because she was the only one who remembered. It was nice, but the whole time I also had this cold dread in my stomach because this is my life, that this is going to be my life forever. And a month out the dread is still here. It's hard to breathe sometimes when I think about how I'm closer to 30 now than to 20, over a quarter of the way through my life by any metric, and I have nothing at all to show for it. I still haven't met basic milestones others do in their teens. And I don't see myself meeting them anytime soon. I never learned how to drive. I've never lived on my own. I've never held a job for longer than a year. I've never had a friend, let alone a romantic attachment. Most of my hometown is a mystery to me because I've never gone anywhere or experienced anything. And at this point, the idea of trying to fix what's wrong is scarier than just rotting away on my own. + +Sorry for the melodrama. Point being, I'm not in a great place right now and it's just getting worse over time. And I can't talk to anyone about it, because I don't know anyone except my mom, and she really doesn't understand why I can't just force it. To be fair, I don't understand either. Thanks for reading, and have a good day.",It's getting harder to pretend I'll be okay,3 +426,"It happened lots of times in my life. I liked some girl and she maybe liked me too, but my thought process was “it doesn’t matter that I like her, it’s just me and I don’t matter, she is better off without me, I will just ignore her”, or if something bad happens to me and I am like “oh, it doesn’t matter, it’s just me, so it’s acceptable” + +It’s like I feel like my life doesn’t matter and bad things happening to me and unhappiness is normal. In grand schema things maybe it’s true, but I personally shouldn’t feel like this right? My life should mean everything to me, it literally is the only thing I will be ever living.",Why do I always say to myself that my life doesn’t matter?,3 +427,,Has anyone had success with CBT therapy?,3 +428,"Idk, I used to have an ok outlook on life + +I now just see things, such as 2025, as unreachable, out of reach","Idk if this fits here, but I just decided to share this, they treat me nicely, but it just seems so, fake, to me",3 +429,"Whenever I see something cute and/or innocent, it literally hurts my heart. The classic pain in the heart that anyone who ever had depression/lovesickness knows about. Basically like a dagger stabbing you. Anyone feel the same? + +Examples: + +Dad just bought a used Mac & iPhone and he is so happy about it. Wtf would I want with a Mac/iPhone... But his happiness, over such a simple thing, hurts me. + +Mum finishing knitting one of her blankets/socks. Mum greeting the dog. WHATEVER makes mum happy, makes me sad af, because mum has depression too and idk how she can be happy. Why cant I be like her.... + +My GF just built a new computer, its her first one, she is very excited to do some vtubing on twitch or whereever. She's so happy about it... everytime I hear her being excited about it, it hurts so hard. When Im alone it even makes me cry (rare cuz im usually way over crying, depression level wise). Also anything else she is happy about, like a new plushie, or whatever she cooked, its always so innocent that it just hurts. (inb4 ppl doubt my AvPD cuz i have GF: I ghost her for about 4 out of 7 weekdays, for no reason at all, cant do anything against it... Yet she stays, idk why.) + +The dog greeting my parents. Animals in general.. + +My grandpa being happy about anything even tho he old. + +I just want their lifes, I guess? I cannot be happy and I only think about negative stuff all fkin day. But im stuck in my own world, my own body, so I sleep more than 50% of the day. That way I only feel like shit 50% of the day. 5head move, I know. + +Tldr: Seeing innocence hurts my heart. Do you feel the same?",Crying when seeing sth cute/innocent?,3 +430,"i was wondering how many people think the disorder formed because of trauma in their childhood? for me the main reason i have avpd is because of emotional neglect and trauma from bullying. i think symptoms started showing up during the bullying. my self hate really took off from there. its kind of a mess though since i was dealing with depression and anxiety at that age but i can see it all makes sense why i have these symptoms. after just a few years of it i completely isolated myself and spent years in solitude. i dont think i would have avpd without all the trauma as a child. from what i see on certain posts is that some people dont seem have that factor in the formation of their avpd. whats your experience? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11dwi28)",does trauma play a part in your avpd?,3 +431,Or do you still crave companionship and affection still?,"If it were common and completely socially acceptable to go no contact with the world and there were resources to do it safely, would you do it?",3 +432,"Does anyone else get annoyed when either family or strangers get an attitude with you if you don't entertain their conversation? I can be civil and nice IRL. I'm not walking around telling people eff you, eff this, eff that. However, the WORST ones are the people that think they are giving me golden advice like ""hey, don't do drugs"" but they have never known me to do such things. It's painting me in a bad light for me to agree with the advice willy nilly. But the kicker is: they get upset if I escalate and say I don't do drugs to begin with? Do I look like a crack head to them? + +They take it as me being **immature** and unable to take advice. So I am supposed to sit here and entertain disrespectful conversation with people giving me advice on not to be irresponsible and that's what makes someone mature? This has happened with strangers too where they think they can talk to me about avoiding marriage cause theirs suck or dating because of their own griefs. Whether I get married or whatever I do is not their business. + +I usually only get approached with stupid conversations like that by family. They get big mad when I shut it down. The only carrot they dangle over my head is money. I straight up rather be homeless than listen to me being accused of driving recklessly or my mom threatening about my insurance rates going up. New flash: It's my brother's car that has a smashed door because he crashed. My car is fine n dandy.",Pet Peeve: When people think I owe them conversation triggers my AvPD bad.,3 +433,"I was clearing out my apartment today and found this. In high school I sent it in to be posted anonymously in a yearly ‘book of poetry’ that my school made. To my horror, I found out later that it wasn’t anonymous. I had no idea what AvPD was then, but it is shockingly relatable to look back on now. Hard to post, but it feels important that I do. + +—————————- + +I want to be understood + +but cannot be vulnerable. + +*The one who shows their hand first loses.* + +- +Carve into me and leave your mark + +the first one to strike feels betrayed most + +The retaliation is serrated + +But I just wanted to know you + +without borders, without pain + +*I just wanted to know you* + +- +You like me if you can assort me, + +label me and pin me down + +*aggressive bitch, salty witch,* + +*innocent dreamer, batshit idealist.* + +You color me all kinds of elegant + +but when it comes down to it, + +I’m only an impressionist. + +- +I keep trying to break free of what comes naturally to me, + +find myself in the labels you offer me, + +*but the mirror image is fake and so am I* + +- +I want to feel myself without your hand in my definition.",A poem I wrote in high school,3 +434,"I'm so tired, my life's going down the drain. I'm so tired. What will it be like to die?",I can't do this anymore,3 +435,"Hello everyone, I am writing this because I've been reading posts on this sub for the past week, since I've learned about AvPD from my new therapist and researching about this disorder, as I believe I also suffer from it and have a curiosity from you people. + +Unfortunately, not to make anyone feel bad about it, as I know this condition is very hard to live with, but I have been trying to look for some success stories from people here, or maybe just some nuggets of hope from people that have managed to peacefully live this life. + +So my question for you, especially maybe for the older people here with the condition,or the ones that have managed to get married or with any other kind of ""success"", no matter how small, what is your outlook on life? What advice do you have regarding managing this condition? + +Although I've also had a rough couple of days, I'd like to believe that not all is bleak and that getting access to good stories from people similar to you can certainly help. + +Please share anything you'd like that might help me and others on this sub.",Looking for some good vibes,3 +436,"At least twice a week on average, even for a brief period, I am flattened by a crushing wave of fear and dread and anxiety to the point where I taste blood in my mouth. It's a sickening feeling like you know something awful is going to happen even though you also know it's not really life or death. + +But then sometimes that weight is lifted instantaneously through a conversation or email or text. + +My question is what is your physiological and psychological response to that weight being lifted? + +The anxiety leaves your body suddenly and then.... + +sometimes I binge eat; the opposite of stress eating. It's not to celebrate but to cope. + +sometimes I have a giddy hyper energ + +sometimes like now it's just a solemn reflection + +wanted to know how you all coped with the release of torment?",The feeling when a weight of dread is lifted?,3 +437,"If so, I would love to meet up and talk about our sorrows together. I’m generally very scared of people but I think meeting up with another person who suffers from the same issues would be a comforting experience.",Anyone here with AvPD from Toronto or Gta?,3 +438,"My guess is, I don’t think I have a chance, so it’d be better if they didn’t know I liked them, so I’m going to act so dismissive towards them that they could not possibly have any clue how I really felt. + +Anyone else relate? Any advice?",I’m very cold towards women I have crushed on/find attractive.,3 +439,"Did anyone else have a lot of rescue fantasies when they were young and even today especially in regards to romantic relationships? I started having these rescue fantasies in high school and they’ve been coming back into my life recently very hard. I was obsessed with the anime revolutionary girl utena as a teenager and into today in my late 20s. I saw myself so much in Anthy and I wanted someone like Utena to come into my life and rescue me, fight for me, and love me. I’ve never been in a relationship but this is all I can fantasize about now is someone rescuing me and loving me. I recently found a music video like that that I sob every time I watch it but watch it multiple times a day because I want someone to rescue me like that so bad. +https://www.bilibili.tv/en/video/2009722095",Rescue fantasies,3 +440,"Is gaslightning if someone is trying to make you believe that you are unworthy, stupid, idiot, imbecile and that you will never achieve anything in life or is this just some other manipulation? + +I was getting this from my sister my whole life. She was older than me and even though when she as saying these things to me I always tried to “fight” back and say something similar to her it didn’t really work. She was older and more mature than me, so hearing it from her kind of made me believe that I really unworthy human who don’t deserve or achieve anything in life. She was calling me names since I was a small child, I don’t even remember times when she wasn’t calling me this. + +I don’t think that anyone would be able to gaslight me easily, but hearing it from older sister who I loved was painful for me. I don’t even know if I believed these things, it just made me feel bad that my sister hates me for no reason, or for idk what reason. And that made me think that if my own sister hates me than every hates me probably, which leads to low self-esteem I guess. + +She had control over me, when we still lived under the same roof. Anything she said I did for her, like some servant. + +Only years after leaving, I realized what was she doing to me wasn’t right. + +Is this gaslightning, or is it something else?",Is this gaslightning? Or something else?,3 +441,"I know some people are happy to cut ties with people, but others feel guilty or anxious about cutting ties and freeze because too much time has passed. If someone reached out to me and said something along the lines of struggling with personal things, that would be so helpful even if much time has passed. The people who you have ghosted are probably hurt and confused, and the truth is they probably internalized it as something THEY have said or done wrong. If they did not do anything wrong, that is something to highlight. + +""Hi. I just wanted you to know that I have been struggling with some personal things, and that's why I haven't reached out. I am still struggling and not ready to maintain friendships just yet. But I do want to let you know I care. I'm sorry if I have left you hurt and confused. It was not something you have done wrong."" I am not in a place to explain further, but I do hope you are well."" + +Some people may be understanding, and some people may still be reeling from the hurt and not respond at all, or they may decide that they do not want to open the door back up to having contact with you now or in the future because they felt that they were rejected and don't want to risk that again. Rejection hurts people without mental illness, too! That is not necessarily a rejection of you, but more of a reflection of the place where they're at mentally. It may have taken them a while to move on from the relationship/friendship. Some people may feel that keeping that door closed is protecting them from getting hurt again. In my opinion, that is more than a fair response so before you do reach out if you decide to, you have to mentally prepare for whatever decision someone will make. One way to look at it is you get the chance to prepare for their response when they never got a chance to prepare for being ghosted (unless you let them know you ghost at times).",what to say to those who you ghosted and what they might say,3 +442," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11d5qbz)",How many friends do you have?,3 +443,I was wondering if perhaps anyone has had any experience with effective hypnosis in getting over a certain fear or habit. It occurred to me that perhaps this may be more effective than traditional therapy for AVPD,"The Reset We All Need, Hypnosis Perhaps?",3 +444,"How can you tell if you have social anxiety disorder or avoidant personality disorder? What are the differences? Do a lot of you have both? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11d5roo)",Social anxiety disorder vs. Avoidant personality disorder,3 +445,"Or when you become a regular at a new place and other regulars start remembering you and you're no longer '' new''? + +Me too. I did not know it was an AvPD thing before finding this sub. The worst part is, i want to socialise and i want to not care what others think of what i e' joy. But i care. It feels like once others find out that i'm a real person, they start to expect me to behave like whoever they perceive me to be. And that puts pressure on me and it makes me want to run away.",do you feel the need to stop doing something you enjoy once others find out you do it?,3 +446,"I wish i could just disappear. Like literally go missing, start a new life somewhere far away from here, never come back, have everyone who knows me currently think that i have died. I feel stuck",Urge to start over,3 +447,"Are your memories of your self in 1st person or 3rd person view? + +All of mine are 3rd person, unless it's of someone or thing; then I don't exist. But, if I am in the memory then it's always 3rd person. + +Any way... please discus. For I am slightly concerned.",Question about memories.,3 +448,"I'm at rock bottom right now. I'm about to lose my job my next work day most likely and be jobless. Family is so disappointed in me. Everyday I'm in survival mode at work. Avoidance had bleeded into my job and I can't help it. The anxiety is too crippling and it makes me do all sorts of weird awkward shit at my job. My chronic isolation outside of work also seemingly killed my social skills so I feel numb to all interactions. I sense a mental breakdown is about to erupt and I'm likely to walk away the job but I'd rather get high and lose my job over marijuana then quitting. Either way, I'm doomed. I have a bad reputation in my job at this point, my real self is being exposed coworkers for sure shame gossiping me. My coworkers all have strong connections with each other now and I'm still that one insecure, awkward shy guy. So ashamed. Worked my warehouse job over a year and half now. Idk how I made it this far but my behaviorial symptoms have caught up to me. Literally avoiding everything at work and everybody. Hide in bathroom during breaktimes. Avpd and depression worst combo. Consequently, I didn't save enough money while working this warehouse job not only for myself but for the sake of my immediate family as well so everything about to come crashing on me. Addictions make saving money hard even at the sake of supporting family 😔. I let myself down and my family. Sighhh. What a crippling hell of a condition avpd + depression is. No excuses. I can't even leave my house. I can see myself being homeless potentially in the near future. Everything that involves making a decision I literally just can't do and that includes getting help. Ik this was a lot y'all just wanted to vent 😭. Your not alone if reading this keep your head high I don't mean to bring u guys down 😔. If you're making progress I'm proud of you and that means a lot for me and the rest of avpd sufferers. Thanks for reading!",Rock. Bottom.,3 +449,"That's is my main character, I've always been a coward and life is not for cowards. Why can't I choose to end my life with dignity instead of going through all this",Cowardice,3 +450,"I started a relationship 6 months ago with a great guy, both of us are in our early 20s and were friends for a while before starting the relationship. He's kind, open-minded, respectful, communicative, I have no complains about him. That being said, since last year (mid 2022) I've had multiple problems related to my family and my mental health has gotten even worse. I have no friends and my only company is him and I dont think is healthy for him to be with someone like me: I self-isolate (been doing that since I was a girl), don't have much time for him (studies+work+family+mental health), my family doesn't support my relationships and they're capable of harming those I love (they're abusive but I have no possibility of leaving home, especially in my country). + +I barely have the energy to wake up in the morning and have spend the last years by myself without friends or a partner because of that. I'm diagnosed with depression, AvPD and eating disorders and have gone to therapy (with different psychologists who had different approaches) for +10 years and I have took different med combinations with no success. Currently I'm not in therapy and with no medication, but I'm saving money to start again in March. + +What should I do? I like him and I love him but I don't even have the energy to answer his messages, let alone dates and be a proper partner who listens to him, helps him, spends time with him, etc. I have told him all of this and he still wants to be with me, but I feel the relationship would end up being one-sided and I don't want that for him. + +I'm deeply ashamed of myself. Since day 1 I've cried every day and night because of that and because of the ridiculous amounts of energy I need to do anything, especially things that have to do with the relationship. I've tried to change and get better, I've spent so much money on therapy and meds with no results, I've read dozens of self-help and psychology books and hundreds of papers, I've tried to change my habits (diet, sleep more, etc), but I just dont know how to get better. + +(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language)",Relationship,3 +451,"does anyone else struggle with figuring out whether theyre a good or bad person? im not sure if others have that moral at the top of their list but thats how ive been since i was a kid. the most important thing to me was being good. ive strived to be a good person for most of my life and i know that humans will be humans and its not all black or white, you can be a good person and still do bad things but i just cant help but feel like no matter how hard i try to be a good person im still treated like im a bad person so that is what i must be. if i am a good person then why am i treated like im not and why are the bad people treated like theyre good? why are the people who turned me into this miserable soul living a happy life while ive been in hell reliving the torment every year since i was a child? i dont believe in religion but i was raised catholic so part of me still thinks that life should be that way, good people are happy (and go to heaven) and bad people are miserable (and go to hell). i know theres no hell and yet i still fear there is. i think i might be living it...",good or bad person,3 +452,what did i do to deserve to be treated this way? why is everything wrong with me? why am i treated like an evil alien everywhere i go? how is it that everyone immediately determines that they dont like me and treat me badly? even when im nice to people im still hated. why me? ive been asking this since i was 12. i just don't understand. the pain is so deep it feels like i could die. i want to know what i did that is so wrong? its because i exist. thats why.,why me?,3 +453,,based on real situation,3 +454,"There’s not much to be thankful for regarding avpd, but if I’m going to have avpd I’m at least glad I have it in the modern day. Imagine how hard it would’ve been in the past, nobody would understand, you wouldn’t be able to get a proper diagnosis or explanation for your mental health issues, and you’d be totally isolated seeing as there would be no technology and none of the escapism it provides. I’d be bored as fuck if I didn’t have video games and drugs I ordered online to cope with this shit. You probably would’ve been ostracised from your community and branded a freak, maybe even lobotomised or some shit if ur really unlucky. I’m so thankful I have tech and modern day understanding, i would be so fucked without it",Imagine having avpd in like 1960,3 +455,"I have BPD, and two and a half years ago, I met a guy on a trip. We only hung out fro three days, but our conversations were so interesting. We spoke about politics, education, etc. He told people he liked me. I was so excited that he liked me. Usually I don't take big leaps like this, but since we live in different countries, I went up and asked him if he liked me. He told me he had a girlfriend, and he cut off all contact with me. They broke up two months later, and I'm 75% sure he's been stalking my social media since then, but he hasn't reached out to me. + +I know it's been a long time, but I miss him so much. I miss him. And I cry about him everyday. I need him. I just feel like I'm stuck in this pit of despair. And I've tried to change. I've dated other guys. There's another guy that I like way more, and I know he likes me too. But there's still a part of me that misses the vacation guy. I don't know why I feel so stuck.",I'm grieving a three day long situationship worse than people leaving a three year long relationship,3 +456,"This is an incomplete list of course, but I've taken ages to build up the motivation to post SOMETHING here, this is what I got for now. I'm hoping anyone reading this would please add to the conversation their own similar experiences or attributes, or would please ask me to expand on any point I have listed. +-------------------- + + 1. I need to consume multiple forms of media on multiple devices in order to be content. I divide my attention towards trivial topics. + + 2. I have detailed dialogue in my head that I desperately wish I could record, but whenever I try it's not detailed, I get tired of it, and it ends up unfinished. I have countless unfinished drafts and scattered files that I take endless time to organize, only to still not post what I initially wanted to. + + 3. I take hours to get myself ready to go out (typically to my local dive bar). I know I'll enjoy myself when I get there and I know a lot of familiar friends and faces there. But once it's time to leave I psych myself out over going; my primary concern is that I don't look as nice as I usually do, or I'll get a detached, disassociated feeling once I get there. Many nights I end up going to bed with my outfit and makeup freshly done and still on, never have left my place. + + 4. The red notification circle showing me the amount of unread text and unanswered calls I have is so large that it breaks me out to open the damn thing at all. I end up ghosting relationships that I didn't want to abandon. The guilt of how long it's been when they last sent a message to present day keeps me from responding. If I have to make plans with someone, I have to actively not look at the other unread messages below it or else I'll have an internal panic. + + 5. I'm self-isolated and alone and lonely more than I ever have to be and I fucking know this. I highly value people and relationships, despite how my avoiding nature implies otherwise. + + 6. My childhood consists of consistent moving for rarely to none disclosed reasons. My mom is an aggressive woman who's genuinely diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it's difficult to communicate with her. Growing up, I never lived in a location even close to 2 years. I think this has fucked me up in many ways. + + 7. I am a very vivid and active dreamer. I speak frequently in my sleep- sometimes I wake myself up for my own talking. 4 years I had chronic nightmares and was a bedwetter; the nightmares and accidents were most frequent after every move. This subsided by age 24, when I was done with University and moving as frequently. + + 8. I've used meth for nearly 8 years; via smoking and snorting, never injections. It's never made me feel horny like it does most people. I compare the sensation to taking 'dirty Adderall'; meaning I have a zombified, obsessive focus on whatever task. I'm either indulging in rabbit holes or addictively playing chess on my phone. More broad and accurate to say is that I productively procrastinate; my place will get so clean or I fulfill minuscule to-do task, but I continue to avoid my most pressing and urgent needs.  + + 9. Actual Adderall feels like medicine to me. Like the focus increase isn't jarring, but natural. There's no crash and no tweaked out feeling. I feel like what I believe I'm supposed to feel like, as a content and motivated individual. ",snippets about me that maybe y'all can relate to,3 +457,"I feel like I’m one of the very few women in this world suffering from avpd. Curious to see how many people on this sub are women vs men. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11c09nm)",Male to female ratio in avpd,3 +458,"Social situations are nerve wracking because they are unpredictable and I have to come up with responses on the spot. There is also the pressure of the other party potentially manipulating you such as in business situations, or when someone is trying to sell something to you. + +So before these situations I often try to play out all the different paths that the interaction could take place and try to prepare everything for it. This makes each social interaction extremely high effort for little reward in comparison. + +There are also worst possible outcomes in which there is no way to prepare for and where there is nothing you can do about it. For example, suppose I was buying something from a shop, I hand over my money, and then the shop keeper just ignores me, what can I actually do in that situation? Call the cops? Get a lawyer? What proof do I have that the money was mine and I handed it over? What obliges the shop keeper to give me the item I wanted? + +Normal people never question these dynamics and just put trust in the systems set in place, they've never been burned by it so it just works for them. But here I am worrying over every little thing that I'd rather hide away from it all if possible.",Overthinking and feeling powerless in social situations,3 +459," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11bylrc)",Part of having AvPD is masking everywhere you go. Including at home,3 +460," +Life is truly a joke 27 M meet here my life ended 4 years ago after i graduated , i turned to a neet and became a burden for my parents and Family .all i want is to DIIIIE . An old friend i knew before had his life together, went abroad abroad after graduatiion, studied and got a high paying job, after that an accident and boom he is dead. I feel i should be in his place , i am sure his family won't mind that.",I should be the one dead instead,3 +461,"I've been considering just killing myself already. My life is empty anyway. I dont have anything, i dont have anyone. I never did. At this point it feels like im just procrastinating my death.",what even is the point,3 +462,"Hi there! Was wondering how many avoidants have additions that help them to cope, thanks + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11bo266)",Addictions,3 +463,"I've isolated myself for a long time. I never fit in anyway, I couldn't make connections last. I always messed up. But I tried. + +I now realise that it's too late. I grew in such an abusive family that I never learned how to love and relate. And then I fell ill. Since then I became disabled. + +Sometimes my arms hurt so bad, that I can't type. I've been trying to survive a gruesome situation for months now. I can only communicate in short bursts. All the rest that I need is gone. + +And I put myself out there. Ashamed and small. Guess what? No one cares. I'm at fault too. But it's not only me. I hope it will be over soon. But I rather struggle alone. I hope that I can get some of my hobbies back, take up space. + +I can't chat anymore, it makes me want to barf. I can't really go outside and to be honest, I am scared. I found out how easy it is to abuse me. It's not like I can run, just hide. + +There's nothing much to say. I truly am alone. I am different, but I just want to be in peace with myself, with the chronic pain, with the fact that people and I don't work together. I'm not charming or young. I'm just venting into the nothingness. + +I isolated more and more when I got negative feedback. It's too late now. Everybody struggles, I don't understand basic things. I just want the current crisis to be over. Don't want to improve myself. Or to function. + +I want to breathe and sleep without fear until shit really hits the fan and we'll all break together and apart. Sometimes it feels like too much to ask. I want to believe that I matter, not because of someone else. It's not going to happen.",Society has already collapsed and I don't want to be a part of it.,3 +464,"TLDR: I tell myself to KMS after making insubstantial mistakes. + +I could really use some reassurance :/ I made a tik tok post about a band I like and I mixed up the names of the members, misspelled the renowned venue they played at, and accidentally said one of the members passed away. + +Two ppl in the comments pointed it out and now I feel like ripping my skin off. Instantly I started saying to myself, “you should honestly just kill your self, what’s wrong with you, that’s so embarrassing, kill your self…” over and over. Sometimes I picture myself being impaled or shooting my self in the head. + +This happens all the time and it’s one of the most debilitating parts of this disorder (though I’m not diagnosed). + +Any time I remember something slightly embarrassing I did even 5 years ago I have a totally disproportionate reaction to the embarrassing thing. Does this happen to anyone else? + +I feel like I’m doing much better than I was a couple months ago but this persists. I hope this isn’t too upsetting to share for anyone.",DAE overreact when they make little mistakes?,3 +465,"So I am officially diagnosed with it but most people on the internet and also my therapist say that it is likely because of a childhood of abusive/narcissistic or in any other way bad parents that resulted in this condition. But I don’t think that it comes from that. I couldn’t have had better parents or family; they supported me, respected my opinion and so on. I have the feeling that I always was like that even in kindergarten back then. The only thing odd about my parents was that they divorced as I was 6 years old (but I guess that’s not the most uncommon thing) and that my father is also very socially avoidant. Could it also be the latter (like in a „learned“ behavior?) or do you think it is more likely that it was something in the past that I just forgot and don’t remember / don’t think is significant enough? +Often I (ironically) feel a bit isolated when I see comments on YouTube or Reddit talking about the reason for the AvPD because I can’t relate at all to their stories (thankfully tho, but you know what I mean)",Where did my AvPD come from?,3 +466,"EDIT: I DIDNT GO + +EDIT2: I SENT THEM A MESSAGE TO PRETEND I WAS GOING BUT THEY LET ME ON SEEN. EVIDENTLY IT WAS A PITY INVITE AND IM GLAD NOT TO HAVE GONE + +Why even write this? by the time I get any replies it will be too late anyways. The appointment is three hours from now. + +If I get another job I'm going to need references, a network of aqcuantainces, this time I can't rely on my family posing as acquaintances. I didn't build a network, I never do, now I want to run out of there. + +I didn't make any friends, I don't want friends anymore, I haven't had friends since elementary. Not only do they not respect me, they also pity me. + +I was invited out of pity, I know because they are surprised I said ""yes"". This is the entire setup for the climax in Notes from Underground, I read it, I know perfectly how it ends up. No one knows my life better than I do and I have been gaslighted too many times into believing it was all in my head. + +If I don't go they also will remember and I have to make a presentation for them a month for now, my performance will be scored by them. + +Just today we found out neighbors began to speak ill of me and my family. + +One day posthumanism will get rid of all of this bullshit, ""they"" taking our jobs will be a cheap price to pay. For now, approach with caution.","I should not go, I swear to god this is going to end up wrong",3 +467,"I’ve had to mentally prepare for this trip for weeks. I’ve been so anxious about going and being around a bunch of girls I don’t know well. Although I was nervous the trip has been going well. Until last night. + +I was in the bathroom with a couple girls at this bar, talking to a girl and just making conversation. At one point she just told me to go away. I repeated what I said because I thought I had misheard her. Then she told me to go away again. Me being dpd/avpd I don’t handle confrontation well. So I just walked away. + +I told another girl there who I trusted and she helped me feel better. But these situations are why I struggle with going out/meeting new people. At any moment they can just say one thing that completely ruins my whole night. And the next day. And the next few days after that. + +I know she’s probably just insecure and projecting that on to me. But sometimes I feel like a magnet for those things. I’m the one who ends up getting picked on and I don’t stand up for myself so it keeps on happening.",On a bachelorette trip,3 +468," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11bq237)",would you rather,3 +469,"Sometimes I find myself going through people's Facebook profiles - usually it starts with someone I'm ""friends"" with, then one of their friends, then someone tagged in one of their photos and before you know it I'm looking at this totally random person's life. And I'm seeing all the good times they've had, the relationships, the weddings, the vacations. + +And it makes me wonder if I could have been their friend, or if I could have been doing those things with them. Sometimes I'll think back to what I was doing at the time the post was made or the photo was taken and find myself comparing my empty life to theirs. + +It makes me feel like shit and yet I can't stop doing it. + +Does anyone else do this? + +I don't think it's really the traditional ""FOMO"" that people often feel when engaging in social media posts because I'm not sad about other people doing something without me *right now* so much as a broader envy of their life in general. It's not envy of someone posting pics of their nice car or fancy hotel room on Instagram; it's not the heavily curated, photoshopped influencer stuff. It's envy of people who went backpacking with friends one summer in college. It's envy of people watching the Super Bowl together. It's envy of people falling asleep on the couch with their partner while their kids are going wild playing with their new toys on Christmas morning. Things money can't buy. Things I never had, things I don't have, things I never will have.","Does anyone else ever ""live vicariously"" through other people's social media?",3 +470,"I feel like many of us that have AVPD don't post, speak up, or video ourselves. This is why we don't typically find much information regarding this. I have found more on Reddit than on youtube. It doesn't mean its not there but there too few and far in between.",AVPD and Youtube,3 +471,,thought this might be useful for people here,3 +472,"So I've been reading this book recently, haven't finished it yet. kind of enlighten me about my situation in some way. Would recommend some of you guys to check them out, who knows... might help some of you guys even if it leaves a little impact it's still worth it to learn. :) do give it a chance + + +""Self-Help for Your Nerves: Learn to relax and enjoy life again by overcoming stress and fear"" + +https://www.scribd.com/book/362365020","Loose yourself,give up your struggle. Recognize that there is no battle to fight except of your own making.",3 +473,"My dad used to play the song: December, 1963 (Oh What a Night!) in the car all the time and we’d sing along to it. It’s very peppy and old-timey, about this guy having a wonderful night on his date with a woman. + +I remember even as a small child I’d have thoughts like: “Oh, what a night! That I’ll never get to have,” because I considered myself a freak of nature even then.",Ever been so down you feel like happy music is mocking you personally?,3 +474,"I'm interested in CBT, but am too broke/anxious to see an actual therapist.",Any good resources for self directed CBT?,3 +475,"I'm not sure if this is exactly a surprise when having AvPD but I found that I often judge people in my mind about the smallest things and those are all the things. I'm hyperaware of and don't let me express freely as a person. +Not only people, but also places, scenarios, comments. My mind is stopping me of being able to enjoy simple things in life and I don't want it anymore. +College is starting soon and I'm more mature and I want to fit in. I don't think I'll be able to enjoy any potential friendships I can make if I don't change how I think",i found that I'm incredibly negative an judgy,3 +476,"I’ve been in my apartment now for two months, only leaving for food. I know this isn’t ‘long’ but I’m the unicorn extrovert with avpd among us. I’m supposed to be graduating this semester, yet I’ve gone to none of my classes or done any of the work. I have no motivation, and I feel that I legitimately don’t deserve my degree. I’m withering away and don’t know where to start fixing this mess. + +It bothers me that I’m failing out, but not *nearly* as much as the fear of how my abusive family will react to having to bail me out of trouble *again*. Never mind how it feels to still be so controlled as an adult. I’ve already had to withdraw one semester for mental health purposes, and I cannot bear having to admit that I’m in an impossible situation once again. And they don’t even believe I’m mentally ill. I don’t need their approval, I just need to not be verbally ripped apart. + +It would take too long to describe how cruel my family can be, but it is enough that I am living in a full breakdown trying to keep this lie holding together. My dad once called me a 23 year old loser and I keep proving them right. + +And yet, I’d willingly take abuse over the solitary confinement I live in now. I cannot do this any longer or I’m going to snap in half under the weight.",Failing out of college + abusive family,3 +477,"hey all. + +I have been going through a lot these past few years (like everyone else). I realized I have high functioning autism. I mended my fractured family. I found family at work. I found god. + +I found peace within myself. maybe I never had avpd, but I still identify with it. I do so strongly that I feel it necessary to post here, because I relate to every one of your guys’ posts. + +and I came up with a 5 year plan to achieve my dream of r/vandwellers. + +I have a lot of stuff I want to say. I have big, big things in the works for my life. my goals are endless. + +you can find me on instagram @nowatlast if you want to know about me. my entire life is there. I hope that’s okay to add. I’ll delete this part if not. + +anyway, I just want to spend my life spreading joy and love and light. hippies had the right idea. the only reason we’re here is to be kind to each other. there is no other reason. + +everyone have a great night or day :) it’s a hard life out here",I’m a success story :),3 +478,"Of course personality has its meaning in avpd but when I said personality the second time I mean a person as in the things they like to do or what they talk about + +I've always been avoidant and I think it's rooted in multiple harsh rejections between age 5 and 12. I've come out with 0 interests to talk about besides drawing, and 0 drawings to show because I don't want to show anyone. I don't show anyone anything and I don't tell them anything unless that conversation territory was already stepped into. Have any others experienced that where they're uncomfortable telling people about their interests that they end up with none at all? Or secret interests? For me I have a secret interest but I still can't get myself to talk about it with other people interested in it. It's like we start talking and I have no idea what to tell them. My brain is so messed up that it just blocks out every subject that is slightly attached to my inner self, leaving stuff like weather, other people, whatever they already said :( ofc those conversations degrade quickly...I end up having no further input fast.","has avpd destroyed my ""personality""?",3 +479,"I don’t know what it was about the pandemic that hit me but it hit me hard, and I still find myself stuck in so many ways. I was never so scared in my life. + +I became agoraphobic and couldn’t leave my house. I became obsessed with the news and the statistics. For someone who has been suicidal practically my whole life I was truly afraid of dying. + +Did anyone else find yourself getting worse through this and what did you do to get past it? + +When I go to doctors appts they still make us wear masks and that scares me a bit still. Like what do they know that we don’t? + +I’m sure I’m overthinking things like I do with everything else. My daughter is anti vaxx and it worries me too, I’ve had them all as a precaution since my health isn’t the best now. + +I was working in retail at the time and watched the panic from everyone in the stores…and now I’m on disability because I’ve gotten so bad about it. It’s crazy.",Being avoidant and the pandemic,3 +480,"I went to a lot of therapists and didn't feel any better. Do you think that Dr richards audio series work for AvPD? +Therapists told me that medications are not useful in treating avoidant personality disorder, is that true?",Do you think that Dr richards audio series work for AvPD?,3 +481,,Some helpful advice from another sub’s comment section,3 +482,"She's stuck with me, not of her own will. It's true, she has a strong bond with me but what if all of that is just forced? She loves meeting other humans, cats, dogs and even rabbits. I can't help her with any of that. + +I sometimes feel bad for my kitty. Like she deserves someone less avoidant. On the other hand, I spend 100% of my social energy on her so she's never starved for attention. And she has her ""own time"" staring out the window, which I resent but understand that she needs. I never impose on her when she's doing her cat things.",I'm thinking of my cat :(,3 +483,Does anyone here write stories with characters? Is it tough? In my experience I feel like I don't know enough about people to write characters who aren't just like me. How is it for anyone else who writes or tries to?,does anyone write stories?,3 +484,"simply being around people makes me feel so guilty like i am inconveniencing them with my presence and i constantly feel like i need to leave to relieve them of the burden of having to interact with me. after an interaction with anyone i feel a deep sense of shame and can't stop repeating ""sorry, sorry, sorry"" in my head. i think this one of the things i hate most about this disorder.",the guilt of existing,3 +485,"I'm making progress, but all of this seems like a job in which I have to try to fit in. I don't know, it's like I'm not human and I have to mimic others. Too much isolation bring to this I guess...",I went to the gym for the first time after 7 years and I'm a bit frustrated of feeling like an alien.,3 +486,"I spent a long period unemployed and was able to occupy my brain with tik tok and youtube videos. They are good in small doses or when practicing moderation to any degree, but I literally feel like I have to have a video playing in my ear at all times! I listen to podcasts to go to sleep, and listen to youtube videos CONSTANTLY, I feel the need to have a video going even walking from my room to the bathroom. Just completely incapable of allowing myself to think at all. This is impacting my ability to work now that I do have a job. Anybody else experience this? Have you been able to combat this behavior? Genuinely so desperate. Any advice is appreciated!",Constant media consumption,3 +487,Everything kinda just hurts and am sad for some reason??😭😭😭😂 But I'm literally not sure or why but literally no one cares😭😭😭 but not really sad,I'm not sure lol,3 +488,"I don't mean to offend anyone beliefs, just a thought came to my mind and i want to discuss it with you. + +recently , i redownloaded dating apps and started chatting, seeking friends and relationships.I was chatting with this girl, and we talked about many things. One of them was relationships, she told me that she prefers to be in a relationship with traditional gender rules.this made me think and realized that a relationship with traditional gender rules isn't for me, and i think this mainly has something to do with being avoidant. + + these are my reasons + +I don't initiate or take actions. Usually, i respond to actions, even sometimes i don't respond to actions that other people would respond to, i rarely take actions or be proactive. + +I lack assertiveness + +I also have problem with decision making. + +that is what comes to my mind when i think about it. + +Guys with avoidant, do you think that you can be in a relationship with traditional gender rules? also, do you have any other reasons beside the ones i listed if why not?",gender rules & being in a relationship as avoidant guy,3 +489,"&#x200B; + +[I know it's AI but it made me feel seen and I think a lot of us can relate](https://preview.redd.it/wfzirpeb9wja1.png?width=657&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=b8de8eb269589c65e39c2032a6320d7f5b988c09)",Asked ChatGPT to write a poem as someone with avpd,3 +490,"**Trigger warning for suicidal ideation mention. +Also, long post alert. This is something that’s been brewing for a while that I hadn’t been able to articulate until now. + +I’m 24 years old. I’ve been actively trying to combat social anxiety since I was 17. And after reflecting on these past years, I truly feel like all of the things I did to try to improve have only made my feelings worse and solidified my fears. + +For example, public speaking: I was told throughout school and therapy that practicing public speaking would make it easier over time. I was also told I would need to do a lot of it to have a successful career. + +So, I did the following: joined the media club in high school, where I made intercom announcements and once made a TV announcement. Taught Spanish to children as an assignment. Took opportunities to read aloud in class and chose speaking assignments when given the choice. In college: I had several mandatory presentations. I joined clubs, and did almost weekly public speaking for various purposes for them. I called numbers for a bingo game for over 100 people and also proctored a club election. I then became a resident advisor which involved pretty regular public speaking. + +Let me tell you, it did NOT get easier y’all lmao. I swear to god, I kept telling myself it would get better and waiting for it to get easier and it only got harder emotionally. I definitely improved my skills, but every public speaking incident wreaked absolute havoc on my psyche. Like throwing up beforehand, staying up and ruminating after, shaking, emotional anguish, insomnia, the works. Like I’d argue it got even worse as time went on. No amount of praise was ever able to shake it, and i’ve received some pretty consistent positive feedback. I have this thought of like, probability. Like I WILL fuck up and embarrass myself during an event. And every time a speech goes well, I feel like my odds of failure increase. Plus I’m not sure how much I trust the positive feedback I’ve gotten. I can accept that I’m an effective speaker, but anything more than that feels fake like people are lying to make me feel better. + +So, public speaking hasnt gotten easier. I’m out of options. And it’s frustrating that no one around me understands this because, to them, I’m a sufficient speaker. But the idea of speaking to a group of people makes me want to fucking kill myself. Like every time. And now… I have a ton of lovely memories that play in my head when I think of speaking. Like my brain has the motherload of material to make me feel deep levels of shame, embarrassment, regret, anxiety, etc. + +I wish i’d never started doing this stuff because now people actually expect it of me and I am haunted by awful memories that make me feel worse than I did before. I mean for fuck’s sake, I’ll get in a panic because I remembered speaking to KIDS. Six year olds. Who the fuck is embarrassed to speak to six year olds? Remembering things like this can straight-up ruin an otherwise perfect day and completely sour my mood. + +It’s not just public speaking. Its making friends, joining clubs, volunteering, working, the works. I faced my fears and they fought back viciously. And after covid isolation, I find it literally impossible to force myself to try these things again, even though I know I’m capable of them. I just don’t want to contribute to the material my brain uses against me. I feel full, like I’m out of storage space. I’m just sick of the regret and embarrassment and guilt over existing the way I did. + +I feel like I’m destined to spend my future disappointing people and failing. I’ll never be like I once was, and even if I do then it will just be exhausting and miserable. Right before covid I was reaching a breaking point anyway—like I was about to quit my job (or get fired) and possibly school because I couldn’t handle the hole I’d dug myself into. I feel spent and directionless. I dont know what my goals are anymore. I don’t even know who I am because I spent so long trying to be someone I’m not.",Social anxiety-geared remedies and treatments have made things worse,3 +491,Like when they hang out... go to a bar or a cafe or just hang out at home or something.. just such a foreign concept to me lol,What do people even talk about,3 +492,">My therapist taught me how to talk to people and also told me what other people usually thought compared to what I believed they were thinking. I viewed people just as evil as my inner self hate talk and they aren’t that judgmental. They care more about how they come off than how you are. +> +>We just created this super judgmental mindset and we think everyone is just as judgmental as we are to ourselves. +> +>You have to also train your brain to be nicer to yourself and not blame yourself when you feel down about something.",A quote from another sub...,3 +493,"Like I said, I'm just now getting medicine for this. I don't think I really needed medicine, but my therapist has been trying to get me on medication since last year. I finally agreed to it, and I took the first dose yesterday morning, and the second does this morning. + +I have noticed no changes yet, but he told me that it could take a while before anything really changes. All I've noticed is how paranoid I've been that they are giving me a placebo. I want to get the pills they gave me and open up the capsule just to see if there's anything in there, but if there is then is it medicine or sugar? Maybe it's just some sort of powder that doesn't actually do anything. + +What if they are giving me fake medicine? Are they trying to see if I can change just by believing some miracle pill will do something? It feels like they're trying to disprove my Avpd even though they were the ones to diagnose me. + +It didn't help that my therapist told me that he was excited to see what I look like when I'm medicated. What is that supposed to mean? I can't tell if he would just be excited to see me improve or if he is trying to test me somehow. + +I don't know. I think I'm thinking about this too much. Anyone have some advice? Kind words maybe? I'm going to keep taking the medication unless something bad happens, so don't worry about that part.","So, I just started taking medicine.",3 +494,"Hi - I have received great response to my recent thread question about successful therapy-types to deal with my AvPD. I’m a bit confused about the different therapy paths. + +The different responses have lead me to this follow up topic/question. + +If you have AvPD - and experienced success in therapy - please answer the following (Please don’t respond if you’re a Therapist). + +Before therapy I _______. And now after therapy I can ______. + +Thx again.",Follow up to - Therapy Success….,3 +495,"I feel dumb about this + +I enjoy watching some of the Bravo “Real Housewives…” shows with my wife. However - I find watching the RHONJ makes me anxious. + +Most of the RH shows are based on confrontation. But RHONJ is the most confrontational. + +As a man with AvPD - when I see the husbands on that show just about fistfight in confrontation - I feel anxious and “less-than”. + +I know mist of it is staged - but it always leaves me questioning my own manhood. I’ve always been conflict avoidant in fight situation. + +Yet - I’m drawn to viewing RH with the hope maybe the guys reactions in that show will help validate my own feelings. + +I know it’s weird and silly - and this is probably the only place in the world where I can vent this. + +Tx.",AVPD - and RHONJ,3 +496,"It is difficult in real life, but I play a lot of video games and it is difficult there too. I don't know why I'm so nervous around people I will never know. + +Relatable? + +Also if you are interested, VR Chat can be a good place to practice socializing relatively safely. - lots of internet jerks there fair warning",Afraid to talk or use your voice?,3 +497,"I’m in my early 20s and struggle to see things getting better even though I probably have the power somewhere in me to change for the better. I guess I’m just getting impatient and frustrated with myself because of the way I am. + +I’ve been feeling low again lately and the biggest reason is probably loneliness. I wish simply talking to others wasn’t a struggle and I wish I didn’t view my appearance as objectively terrible & repulsive. I wish I had things to talk about and I wish I was someone people looked forward to seeing. And I wish I knew what people thought about me, even if very few people have interacted with me. I wish I could make a positive impact on someone’s life. + +The thing is, as much as I’d like to make a friend, would the friendship even last considering I’m over halfway into my university degree? People will move away and move on and it’ll be back to how things were before. + +It’s probably so dumb that I sometimes feel like death is the best outcome for me as I wouldn’t have to live a life of wishful thinking. Sorry for this cringy post.",Does anyone else feel like they’ve wasted their life so far and that death is probably inevitable in the near future?,3 +498,"I’m a 24 year old female and I’ve had a lot of mental health issues. One of them is AvPD. I struggle to maintain friendships because I always push them away out of fear they will see the real me and I think I’m an empty person with no personality. I never developed my own personality. I always mirrored people to fit in. + +I have an intake tomorrow for a rehab clinic. I’m addicted to Xanax. I think the addiction is just a result of my mental problems that are really complicated and go far back into the past. After the rehab I will go to Portugal for an intense treatment for 2 months all by my own. No phones allowed. I think it’ll do me really good and I’m glad I have this opportunity. I know they aren’t going to fix my problems and I need to do it myself but it is a big step for me to travel alone. To really work on myself. It’s a step forward. I have had really bad weeks but this is a little bit of hope for me. Sorry I just needed to vent and I hope you all are doing okay💜 even if you take baby steps be proud of yourself!",Getting out my comfort zone,3 +499,,after browsing this sub for a while i’ve decided to look into other forms of therapy,3 +500,"Has anyone here attempted suicide or seriously harmed themselves. Two days ago I lacerated my wrist with a knife and had to go to the ER and get stitches. I nearly severed an artery, luckily I will make a full recovery but I feel a deep sense of regret and shame that I did this. I don't want to get into too much detail but it happened in front of my family. I also tried to to choke myself with a piece of clothing and physically assaulted my family as they were trying to stop me from hurting myself. I feel most guilty over this as I am normally a very passive person, but I let my own emotions take over and didn't stop to think of their wellbeing. I do not come from an abusive family at all, they love me which is the reason why im not on the streets right now. I have been in a really bad mindstate for years now due to isolating myself but this was all my fault and obviously i need to take responsibility for my own actions. I have a deep sense of rage underneath myself which i try my best to mask. Most people who post here seem like good people, but i feel like i'm not. I'm terrified I might be a covert narcissist.",Two days ago I tried to kill myself,3 +501,"Ok, I'm a 27f who suffers from a variety of mh stuff so I'm living with my dad and he has a temper but today I was microwaving something and it exploded with glass and a mess right away I started cleaning it up bc it's my fault and he comes yelling that I messed up his microwave and how old I was and a bunch of swears and says he's not dealing with it and as always I internalize it and after I was done cleaning I start crying and thinking about all the ways that I can avoid everything tomorrow. If I didn't have my esa with me I would be worse. But I don't understand what I should have done as accidents happen and I cleaned it all up and I'm going to replace the dish that broke. I don't understand why he has to treat me horribly. I'm lucky not staying too long bc I'll be moving back with my mom in a few months but has anyone else had/has a parent that treats them this way",How to deal with parent yelling,3 +502,"The idea that I feel I need validation from others, unconsciously, and am so sensitive to other people's perceptions is disgusting. The repulsion comes from the fact that I know I resonate with it deeply, but hate that I do.",this disorder is repulsive to me,3 +503,,Basically this,3 +504,"I have social anxiety and avoidant personality. So how the fuck am I supposed to tell a stranger that I’m suicidally depressed because I have no friends and the loneliness makes life unworthy of itself? + +That’s a very embarrassing thing to tell someone face to face. + +So yeah I really want therapy at this point because I just want to do everything I can to try get better but there’s no fucking way I’m going to a therapist and telling them I’m a sad loser with no friends. I can’t ever ask a waiter for the bill. + +What a pickle :/",I’m too scared for therapy.,3 +505,"I hope it’s okay that I’m making a post here without being diagnosed yet. I’m fairly sure I have this disorder because I’ve looked into it a lot and I resonate so much with what I read online about it. + +I’m just wondering what people mean when they say this disorder causes a lack of sense of self? I 100% have this issue but I’m not really sure why? I’m usually thinking of it in a social context because it feels like I’m not “enough of a person” to make connections but I don’t know if it’s for the same reason you guys might feel that way. +Is it from social inhibition and repressing ourselves so much or something else? This is something about myself I’ve been trying to figure out for awhile",AvPD and lack of sense of self/identity,3 +506,"at this rate i'll just rot in my bed until i eventually die of dehydration. i can't get myself to do anything other than scroll on social media and avoid any sort of social interaction whatsoever. i'm scared of people, i'm scared of rejection, it's hard. it's kinda shitty too because ngl i was on a roll for like a week but for some reason i just had a sudden episode and now i can't do anything. + +this might be kind of embarrassing, but can someone just encourage me? i feel like i need some sort of encouragement to function at all. thank you in advance!",can someone encourage me?,3 +507,"I sometimes wonder, how different my life would have been, if I was a little bit luckier? It feels like, if you want to beat this thing, in some sense you need to be ""twice as good as them to get half of what they have"". Life feels like a video game. Most of us play it on a hard difficulty, and we are wondering why are we so far behind other people. Most people are the way they are because they are that way, not because they chose and worked hard to be that way. Do you think, outgoing, social type of person chose to be that way? Maybe in some cases. But more likely than not it wasn't his choice what made him that type of person. But rather circumstances outside of his control (things like parenting, lack of trauma, genetics). + +I don't know if I ever going to beat it. And if I don't beat it, maybe I shouldn't blame myself.",You have to be twice as good as them to get half of what they have.,3 +508,The symptoms are almost exactly alike.,Maybe its not AvPD but Schizotypal disorder?,3 +509,,Everyday,3 +510," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/1192nkr)",Were you also diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder or do you exhibit symptoms?,3 +511, I really don't want to talk about my past. Ive canceled five times now and I really need to get my financial aid soon. Any tips?,Iv'e been avoiding financial aid appeal,3 +512,"I (20 m) found out about this disorder recently and relate to it so much. I resonate way more with AVPD than I ever had with autism (diagnosed at 13) I'm not saying that I'm not autistic, but I think I could have this too?",is there a way to tell if you have AVPD?,3 +513,I started a new job recently and everyone there is pretty close with each other since they’ve worked together for a while and most of them are friendly and helpful. All except for this one girl who is helpful to me when i need help but occasionally if she gets stressed out (and for her that’s pretty often) she can be real catty and take it out on others. I don’t really know how to deal with situations like this when it comes up because 1. I’m in this subreddit lol 2. I understand she’s stressed 3. I don’t want to look pathetic in front of others and I want to put up boundaries. 4. I don’t want to be rude back to her because I really don’t want to be that kind of person but i really don’t want this to continue. I don’t know what to do I want to be mature but I don’t know if a person like her would be very receptive to that. Please help if you can.,Dealing with rude people,3 +514,"I have recently been experimenting with some substances and after three or more days of taking ashwagandha most of my AVPD chatter ceases, it also dampens my need socialize or seek validation Not that I had much of that but at least now I don't care when I run out of things to say during a conversation, before I was made uncomfortable by the thought seeming boring or long silence in conversation but with this I don't care at all. + +Its a very subtle effect though, so I like it. I'm not going to pretend to understand how it works, and I definitely don't recommend it because there are several people who have had severe adverse effects with it, but I have found a new unintended use for it and I wanted to share this discovery. + +Sadly as a sad effect I find myself dragging my feet to do anything, I just lose interest in almost everything.",Natural brain dampener,3 +515,"hi. i suspect i may have avpd, or something related to it. i’d like to preface this post by saying that i started reading up on this disorder about an hour ago, so clearly i’m not going to jump to any conclusions here, or at least i���m not trying to. i just think it’s possible. i also have adhd and i’m on a waitlist to be tested for autism. if that helps. + +i’ve struggled with severe anxiety issues for years. almost all of them are related to how people are perceiving me—i have intense anticipatory/perfomance anxiety; i fear that people are either going to think i act strangely, think i’m stupid/incompetent, or both, which will lead to a general dislike. this fear has grown so large i assume most new people i come in contact with dislike me, think i’m odd, and talk behind my back. it got so bad that i dropped out of high school and haven’t been able to hold a job, since i get overwhelmed very easily (a combination of aforementioned fears and sensory overload). i’ve been unemployed for a long while because the idea of even searching for or applying to jobs sounds hopeless, and it’s ruining my life. i always wanted to go to college growing up, but i’m frozen with fear and unable to attempt going. + +i fear that even people very close to me that i’ve been friends with for years are talking behind my back, and they don’t really want me around. i love interacting with people (for example my mutuals on social media sites) but i become fearful when they get closer to me and we interact more often, because i’m afraid that they won’t actually like me if we chat one on one, i won’t fit into their group of friends, they’re just pretending to like me, they’ll think i’m stupid, etc etc. i have such an intense fear of rejection at every turn, oftentimes hitting hard enough to feel physically painful. + +i’m doubtful, because sometimes i can talk to people fine. the fear is in the back of my mind, and sometimes it presents itself far more plainly, but other times i don’t have any issues interacting with people. talking to new people is also way easier, since it’d be far more upsetting if someone i’m already attached to decided they didn’t like me and abandoned me. + +i also identify with borderline symptoms, yet i constantly fear they’re not severe enough; i would fall into the ‘quiet bpd’ subtype. i rarely lash out. i isolate myself and agonize over my interpersonal relationships and the state of my life. + +sorry for the oversharing. i can elaborate or answer any questions. just please let me know what you think. anything is helpful. + +edit: i’d like to add that i’m seeking a psychologist right now. i’m not in the absence of professional help. i just want to know what people who actually have it think.",suspecting avpd,3 +516,"In 6th grade I moved to another state for about 6 months then I moved back to where I was up until my first or second year of highschool and then I moved again. I feel like this might be what cemented my social stagnation. I pretty much ghosted everyone I knew and every time I thought I was putting roots down I had to relocate. (although I didn't really have many friends but it still hurt) Because my mother didn't want anyone to know we were moving I just had to vanish. After losing friends, and not having a stable environment I think I pretty much gave up and have been a homebody/shut-in ever since. I wonder if this could contribute to AvPD (I'm not officially diagnosed yet by the way).",Anyone else move a lot during childhood?,3 +517,"So, there's a situation that occurred and it's tearing me apart from the inside. I'm absolutely terrible at showing emotions and ""making a move."" Hence my ""terminal aloneness."" *I wish it was terminal...* + +Last year, during the summer I temporarily got to experience what it was like to be ""wanted."" A coworker and I became friends, and she seemed to express interest in me. Time and time I'd go hang out with her, only to go home banging my head in frustration and wondering wtf was going on. + +Here's my only other post about her, for reference: + +https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/comments/w1us95/situation_involving_married_coworker/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button + +Tldr of old post; she's married, but they are about to separate over issues they've had for years. (For those that think I'm being scummy, maybe. But she's leaving the country for good next month, without him.) Meanwhile, she's seemingly expressed interest in me while at the same time holding me at arms length away. She tells me all of these personal things about herself, including some secrets she says she's never told anyone. However, If she gives me a hug, it's half hearted most of the time. But with other guys, like the one she said weirded her out, she is willing to fully embrace them. + +Here's a worse part, I have a car and she can't drive. So when she needed things she'd pretend to want to hang out and ""go check something out."" Usually then, we'd go back to her place and she'd cook something for me, and I wouldn't feel it was a total loss getting food for the gas spent. But the last two times I went over there she kept going on and on about how tired she was so I left. Basically, having been used as a free Uber. + +**But here's the worst part!** + +The other day, on Valentine's Day, I called her up and she's busy chatting with strangers on Omegle. This one guy is flirting with her and she keeps telling me about how good he looks... and how he wants to do an online video date with her ""clothes optional."" The whole time she's giggling and basically ignoring what I'm saying. So I say I've got something to do and hang up. She has **the fucking nerve** to call me back and want a ride somewhere before she ""goes home to get some rest."" I keep it short and civil (what choice do people like us have?) and basically hang up and go to bed. + +The next day I texted her to ask ""how did your little e-date go?"" She responded ""huh?"" and I haven't talked to or heard from her since. Highly unusual because she *always* calls me several times on my 2 days off. Those days are over and I feel an incredible amount of stress about it.. my heart is going crazy and I feel like I'm waiting to get punished by the principle or something. + +I guess I lost whatever that was.. Life never wastes an opportunity to kick me when I'm down.",Married Ex-Coworker Stress,3 +518,I’ve always found GPs really unhelpful and clueless when it comes to anything mental health related. I want to talk to a professional and get assessed but I’d have to get referred through a GP and if GPs aren’t even educated in ADHD and anxiety I doubt they’d know anything about AVPD.,What’s your experience talking to a GP in the uk about AVPD?,3 +519,"Hello all, this is my second post in here now. + +&#x200B; + +I've had my official diagnose; low-functioning AvPD. I don't exactly know how to feel about it, it makes sense - all too much sense. I wonder if I could've turned out better if I had been diagnosed earlier, since I've basically wasted my entire life so far. Only good part was some part of my 0-9'th grade, since it was a private school that had good experience with a bit different kids (not a special-school, but nevertheless a good school for me). + +&#x200B; + +Well, looking forward at least I have this diagnosis now, and I have somewhere to start from. I'll be looking to get my doctor's reference to a psychologist, to hopefully make some progress with all of this. Even though I'm a complete hermit, who is not at all good at getting daily things done, I do have at least a bit of hope of turning some things around - I still have hope that I can make progress for the better. But it's going to be hard. + +&#x200B; + +I wish you all the best as well, from the bottom of my heart.","After living nigh 25 years, I'm now diagnosed",3 +520,I'm bullied and treated like I'm subhuman everywhere I go. I don't think it'd be possible for me to improve myself and change how I am. I'm subhuman and that's not going to change anytime soon. I think about suicide everyday and I hate myself beyond measure.,Don't want to live like this,3 +521,,Me,3 +522,"I lost touch with an acquaintance-. Well, she chose not wanting to see me because she sort of blames her mental health on me, which I did not cause. I literally did nothing to this woman. She was into literature and writing and I encouraged her writing a little and we both knew about each other's anxiety. We didn't talk about our problems though. She shared she had social anxiety. She knew I had generalized anxiety, but that has improved greatly for me now. That was the extend of us knowing about each other's problems. She decided me having anxiety equated to me being a negative person and that is actually not true. She doesn't even know me well enough to determine what kind of person I am so that is part of what upset me. The other part is just the way she went about the situation. I have zero interest in ever reconnecting with her. The trust wouldn't be there and I'd always be fearful of saying something wrong or of being hurt again. See, it shouldn't hurt so much just from a little ol' acquaintance but it did hurt so much. + + When you live so close to each other and end up in the same public spaces at times, it is awkward and somehow, I feel like I am in the wrong for being there when I have every right to be in public spaces.",I don't want to see her either!,3 +523,"My childhood assessment showed that I have been suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and Selective Mutism. In the last year, my doctor has prescribed anti-anxiety medication such as Buspirone and Pregabalin to help me feel relaxed and hopefully make me more confident to communicate with people outside of my family. + +However, until now, I am still very nervous and terrified of talking to people outside of my family. In this way, apart from making me unable to make friends, I am also too nervous for interviews, making it difficult for me to find a job. Please advise me on how to overcome my symptoms of Avoidant personality disorder, Selective Mutism or Anxiety Disorder so that I can join the workforce.",Consultation on the treatment of Avoidant Personality Disorder,3 +524,"I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending loophole. I don’t know what i am anymore. I think about my personality a lot why am i like this? At times i feel like this strong confident person and at others i feel the complete opposite. I remember i used to feel some type of connection with people, now i don’t anymore no matter how “close” they can be. I’m never fully comfortable, with simplest shit i never give out a true answer, maybe i don’t know the actual answer myself? I’m talking the simplest dumbest situations where I’m asked to express myself about a certain thing. I often deny that i have any problems with my personality and that i am completely fine and this is all a delusion in my head and sometimes i feel like this completely mentally broken person with avpd sa depression did etc! This can happen multiple times a day, it’s exhausting to keep shifting through these completely different mentalities this often. I feel like I’m losing my mind like who the fuck am i anymore???",I feel like my mind is going to explode,3 +525,"So i am currently in college for nursing, I've been practically a hermit of a stay at home mom since 2016. I thought maybe I could get past my anxious feelings of making friends in once I got to school but it's turning into the same thing all over again. I have in person class 2 days a week and I met a girl who was open about her mental health. We clicked and I thought great I can do this I can make a friend. We even exchanged numbers which is HUGE for me. We texted a little but then in class she went from sitting next to me to jokingly saying "" I'd rather be next to (insert classmates name)."" Now I have tried to be chill with this other classmate too. We had a similar dark sense of humor, but then the past two classes I felt like a third wheel. Like the first girl just started to distance and almost mean yet she asks me to study with her and the other. I am.so confused, and also feel like they are pitying me. Like I just wanted to flee the class and sob because i felt like once again people automatically shut me out bc of my quirks. Idk if this is an AVPD thing or an autistic thing. I just feel defeated and alone. I so desperately want a friend.",why do I feel like I scare people?,3 +526,"I am formally diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder tendencies. My therapist and general practitioner both believe that it's caused by/comorbid with inattentive ADHD, but there is no formal diagnosis for that yet. I am taking adderall 15mg XR for it though, and it is the only thing that has ever helped me. + +How the hell do I deal wit this hellish combination? I've deconstructed and deconstructed, but the only point I can reach is that I understand why and when things are happening, and that they're irrational, but I can't change it. + +I have a handful of fixations/hobbies/potential professions that I jump between, and I never know if I can trust myself to know what I want. I feel like I'm at an urgent crossroads in deciding what to do with my life, and I'm unable to stick to one idea. Is it ADHD distracting me with a new shiny thing? Is it AvPD ghosting my previous interest due to perceived failure/invalidation? Is it both working in tandem? I envy people who can dedicate hours a day to a single thing for upwards of a year. Video game speedrunners come to mind specifically. That's not something I am interested in, but I am beyond jealous of the ability to sit and do one single thing for ludicrous amounts of time, and perfect it. + +Anyone else experience this sick little combo?",How the hell am I supposed to deal with the ADHD + AvPD combo?,3 +527,"Recently I noticed I was people pleasing too hard, and decided to try a little less. I was too clingy; was the one to wait after class to go together, was the one to write first, etc. My friend usually doesn't do the same, and as someone with rejection sensitivity, predictably it hurt. +So when I stopped trying so hard, my friend seemed hurt. She said something about me not waiting for her like I usually do. +Admittedly, it felt good to finally let go a little and have some self-respect. But I also feel so bad for being kinda... petty. I don't think she did all this on purpose, because overall she is a really good and caring friend. Maybe I just frustrated her with being too clingy in the past?",Is it petty to treat someone the same way they treat you?,3 +528,"I feel like before I really longed to be part of the group. I longed to have someone who would choose me over the others. I longed to be someone, just like anyone else. But, somehow nowadays I don't really want that anymore. I'm just so used to being alone in the group, alone at work and anywhere else, that I just prefer to be alone. It feels like a burden to be a part of something. I prefer to do my thing in the group, like at work, but I don't want to get mentally attached to anyone. I don't know if it's a survival mechanism to protect my own mental health or if it's just because I'm tired of trying to belong to somewhere. Maybe I have just accepted who I am and what will never be. + +Does anyone else feel the same? I don't mean this to be a negative post as I don't feel sad about this. I'm just stating how things are and I've somehow made peace with it. Maybe in the future it can make me feel sad, but not atm anyways.",Getting used to loneliness,3 +529,"I struggle with extreme avpd, I've been to therapy for 8 years, with many different people. And I just feel like I'm sinking lower and lower as time goes by. It has gone too far and now I'm in a situation where I struggle to even open the front door or open my mouth to speak. I've lost the few friends I had years ago cause of the severe anxiety I felt and the panic attacks I had after meeting them. I live with my dad but I rarely talk to him cause even that is too hard for me. I studder opon my words and feel like I can't even have a regular conversation with my own parents without the severe stress I feel. + +I feel so hopeless and fragile. All I wanna do Is keep caging myself inside my room with my distractions. But I'm also incredibly unbearably lonely and ache for genuine human connection. But I know I'd never be able to have that in the near future, if ever.","I'm just very lost and exhausted, so here's a little about my situation",3 +530,"I swear, some of the reasons I've come up with in order to avoid meeting people... it's so crazy, like why can't this creative energy be harnessed anywhere else? + +For example I've literally riden a 30 minute bus to a place, walked right up to the door, then heard the dreadful sound of people inside.. and that's all it took for me to make a 180 and ride that same bus back home. The reason in my head was like ""hmm, they're meeting next week so I can just wait until then, surely I will do it next time :D"" It's just, Ahhhhhhhhh I hate myself man. Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why am I like this + +and the thing is, I really need the socialization too, like I'm so freaking lonely... the instant I arrive back home I'm like ""shit I really should've just gone in, now I have nothing to do again, why did I listen to myself"" and it just makes me even more depressed thinking about how pathetic I am",Does anyone else do insane mental gymnastics to get out of going places?,3 +531,"Can anyone relate to this (no advice please)? So I don't live alone, I live a single family member that sometimes has their boyfriend over. I also do work part time in retail which is all I can currently handle. Our schedules usually allow me enough time alone even if I want more of it. Summer is a lot better for me because I can comfortably go outside in spaces where I'll be just as alone so it's extremely rare that I have these attacks during it. To get to the point there are some weeks in Winter that are a perfect storm for AVPD. Our schedules will clash where they'll be home every single moment I am for almost a week on end. For the first 3-4 days I'll get a bit more irritable but handle things + and still do ordinary things that involve other people hearing me like music or watching youtube videos and keep up with people well enough online. Though it starts to snowball on 5 usually. The way it comes on is almost like a physical illness. I suddenly feel extremely on edge in the background, I'll start not listening/watching anything and avoiding doing anything outside my room, hypervigilance shoots through the roof, my mood begins to swing like a pendulum, really snappy, and in general human.exe stops working. I won't even be able to really handle having Discord open. Usually comes with tension aches too in my body here and there. If I even have to go out and get the mail I become a mental train wreck, I won't be able to handle being outside even if no one else is out without being on the edge of a panic attack. just going into a different room becomes an anxiety ridden chore. Going to work as you can imagine as I must force my way through it is an absolute nightmare as you might expect. The anxiety and irritability completely socially cripples me to add to the embarrassment so I go through the usual motions like an NPC to the best of my ability and use that break time very strategically based on how time usually feels there. If I'm lucky I'll loosen up a bit much later at night enough to watch some youtube or enjoy some quieter music. The only way I found to cheat it which costs a little money unfortunately is to order takeout food later (for some reason home cooked food doesn't work? I guess it's because I have to do that here with them around) and have my usual comfort ritual of watching some youtube as I eat hoping someone is streaming something I like. After that I may feel alone enough somehow to enjoy some music and mindlessly fart around on the internet. Since the only factor is that it just involves someone elses comfort food they made for me I have no idea why this works. + +It's impossible for this to go on more than a week cause schedules break it up after a week and give me back that time but it can take me a day on my own completely to recover. I noticed this specific family member being home with me too long is the trigger though I don't know if it's just them or others that can trigger these episodes too. It's as if I become to opposite world nightmare version of myself because normally despite my AVPD and CPTSD I'm much more positive and bubbly in personality. As long as I'm (self) medicated correctly and have just enough space I tend to do ok socially. I feel more like a wounded extrovert than anything since I desire close connections but at the same time I avoid everything that would lead to any being formed because I feel closed in on very quickly. There's a lot of tug of war that goes on with me internally like this.",claustrophobia attacks,3 +532,"I recently signed up for uni, and the first two weeks have been okay, if only I'm only slightly disappointed for not doing more to talk to other people and befriend them. + +I still managed to befriend two or three people. I try my best to talk to them, but even just greeting them makes me feel anxious because what if they didn't want to greet me or they didn't want to talk to me or they're talking with someone else clearly closer to them than me or at least more interesting. So I end up feeling out of place because I can't gather the courage to talk more, while they all befriend each other. + +Despite all of these feelings, I kept pushing through and this last weekend I managed to ask one of my classmates / friends who I considered myself to be the closest to to hang out, and they accepted. It went well, we talked a lot and in the moment it felt like we were having fun. But when I came back home, all of these awful feelings that maybe they were uncomfortable and didn't really want to hang out with me or talk to me and they were just being polite and nice, or maybe they were just trying to see how it would be like to hangout with me, realizing I'm more of a nuisance and a bore than it's worth to keep around started consuming my mind. + +I tried to push these thoughts in the back of my mind as much as I could, but today I already went to class with all of these thoughts filling my mind. I saw my friend (?) enter class, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to them. Not even a single greeting, nothing, and I felt like a piece of shit for not trying more, because surely they thought I was rude for not saying anything. They were talking normally to other people during break time, and I envied all of them. I wish I could talk so easily with other people, befriending them. I wish I wouldn't be scared of saying anything in fears of being ignored. + +So I ended up feeling out of place, again, despite my desires to fit in. + +I thought maybe at least we'd have the chance to talk after class. No. All I could manage to mutter was a half-cut word before they said goodbye, even if smiling, and walked up to someone else to talk to them. My logic says everything is okay and today they were simply on a rush after class, but my AvPD says they absolutely hate me and don't want to do anything with me anymore. + +I feel like I messed up big time and that I lost a potential friend. I feel like I lost all my chances of having friends ever again, even. And I know it's my fault because I should have talked more, but when I talk more I'm scared to scare them all away. I hate how hard it is to simply say 'hello' and ask someone how they're doing. I feel like I'll be seen as a weirdo and ignored, even if the person is a friend. + +So I don't know what to do. + +Sorry for the long rant. Sorry if I used the wrong flair, too, I don't normally post anywhere. I just really needed to vent.","I feel out of place, no matter how much I try",3 +533,"I'm single approaching 30s, have a stable job, and stable family. Getting more skilled at my job recently really helped boost my confidence, and I'm used to being a non-voluntary lone ranger. I thought nothing could hurt me anymore. + +Yet today something simple triggered me. Someone I joined the company with got married, yet I was not invited (but few others were). This is not the first time this has happened. I can count on one hand how many times someone invited me and not as a second thought. Also the embarrassment when I only learned someone's wedding is coming when having a random group lunch, and learning I was not invited yet trying to sidestep other's question if I'm coming. I always think they have a separate group chat with majority of them, and always wondering why I'm not included. Maybe I'm too boring and not pretty/fashionable like them. + +I've long come to terms with the fact that people are just not interested in me since I was a teenager. Always not being invited, being left out of information, or plain rejected to my face. I never have a romantic relationship, and no guys ever show interest in me. All the vague 'friends' term I use whenever I talk to my mother to hide the fact that her daughter was all alone ever since she entered university. + +It just hurts so bad and reminds me so much of my teenage years. One day, I wish I'll have a partner who always puts me first in his thoughts. Thanks for reading my rant.",Thought I'm getting better,3 +534,"To those of you who have tried antidepressants to mitigate this condition, did you find that they were helpful? + +If so, were there any brands in particular that worked well? I know this is highly individualistic but would like to know if certain ones worked better than others. + +It something that I have been putting off for a while now. However, Ive gotten to the point where it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to give them a shot but I never wanted to deal with all the side effects. + +Interested to hear your experience on this.",Antidepressants,3 +535,"Never been diagnosed with AvPD as I am too scared of asking my therapist what he thinks since by his writing he doesn't seem to care much about PD labels and I'm too afraid I will look like one of those people who tries to be cute/quirky/unique/special by hunting for diagnoses. But I resonate a lot with the stories and thoughts/feelings I have read from people who have AvPD and a lot of it sounds like things I have said/thought/felt almost word for word. + +I'm curious if anyone here can relate to my childhood or if I'm being over-dramatic. I won't go into it too much because no one cares about my stupid sob story about why I'm a loser, but I basically had a very emotionally dismissive mom (""it's your fault for being upset"") and an explosively angry father (taught me it was NEVER ok to say ""no""). Since both of them worked all day I was pretty much raised by my older (half-)sister who had issues of her own (obviously) and she would constantly bully and belittle me. My (half-)brother essentially ignored me when I was growing up. I was also constantly bullied in elementary/middle school for being weird and shy, and had to see therapists that I didn't want to talk to when I was as young as 6/7 years old. + +I'm 26 years old and have never dated/kissed/had sex with anyone and have never made any attempt to do so. I don't have any friends (except on the internet). I used to think a partner and friends were things I wanted but thinking about it now, I feel like either as a result of my upbringing or maybe some other brain failure, I'm really not capable of loving anyone. I'm not even sure if I love any members of my family. I can also never be 100% comfortable in a room with someone else no matter how long I have known them for because anything that would involve me being me I would need to be alone for. Anyone relate or am I just a sociopath?",Anyone here feel incapable of love?,3 +536,"So I feel.. + +Sexually compulsive + +I feel energy drained.. stress accumulated leading to failure + +Stress about just anything in general.. too much of it + +Difficult to have own opinion, I doubt if I even agree on the way that I feel or think about a certain topic at times. I believe this stems from stress + +Depressed.. sometimes I just feel like all the light and life has been sucked out of me at random times. Occurs usually when I’m around people, and gives me a feeling of desolation like I am emotionally alone in my own world + +I want to finish this with a little bit of food for thought, of what I have come to a conclusion is what doubt has done in your life and mine + +Guys think of any moment you’ve felt doubt.. remove moments of doubt which you can be sure of where the doubt came from like at school while taking a test. Now every other moment where the reason for the stress feels out there in the galaxy, that’s where I strongly feel stress inhibits us and we don’t even bat an eye and question it. But why question why you are stressed.. isn’t this just part of who I am? I should learn to live with it.. it’s so difficult to live this way, we are so intermingled with stress that it just becomes a part of us and sadly we stop seeing it this way for whatever reason we have, but doubt lives upstairs from us, casting a cloud over us every time it kicks and stomps over our thoughts and our ambitions into what feels like uncaring mundanity..",Hey here are some thoughts of mine I believe some or all of you could relate to for your next therapy visit.. AVPD In summary,3 +537,,Hypnotherapic Treatment of AvPD,3 +538," + +so yesterday I had a therapy session, and the therapist asked why i think i have no friends. + +i answered i have interests that few share, where i live as i live in a small city, so it is hard to have friends or form relations based on interests. also, i have no interest in sports and that is the common interest where i live + +i told him i am part of many online communities, but i just lurk as i feel that i don't belong enough to participate in these communities even if they are based on my interests + +at that moment i remembered reddit and this community, and i felt that i already have a community where i can freely be who i am without fear + +When I joined reddit it was for something tech related, then i said why not searching for avoidant and i was expecting nothing but to my surprise i found this sub, and it was unbelievable as it is hard to find anything related to avoidant + +i was new to reddit and navigating it, but i was happy as i found people like me. + +as i kept browsing, i started to get related more and more to your posts. I felt a connection to you, and i realized i am not alone anymore. + +Knowing i am not alone anymore, is one of the greatest things anyone can ask for, it meant i have People who can understand me and my struggle and what i am going through. + +People who can understand me and i can understand them. + +People with who i can share whatever i want, knowing they will understand me and won't judge me + +in this community,i don't hesitate or feel shy to share anything with you + +from sharing memes to asking questions and seeking help and advice + +here, I share my problems and secrets that no one knows, including my family. + +I finally found a home here and family + +this community really seems like an oasis in the desert + +I have more to say about this community but i want to keep this post short as possible. + +i feel blessed that i found you and being part of this community + +i just wish I could meet you or some of you in the real world + +and to newcomers welcome abroad. in one way or another, you aren't alone anymore.",Thanks for being the community I never dreamt to have,3 +539,"I'll try to keep this brief as I tend to ramble on about how much I pity myself. I just feel like no matter how much work I put in it will never be enough. I have been getting out of my comfort zone lately and putting myself into more social situations but the more I do it the more disillusioned I become. I think that even if the fear and anxiety I feel with socializing was removed, I'd still only ever be able to interact on a superficial level. It's like a fundamental part of me is missing. It feels like the best I can ever hope for is to function in society at a basic level. + +Sorry to be a melodramatic downer. I'm just feeling really low today and wanted to put my thoughts out there. Maybe someone can relate. Thanks for listening.",Feel like I'm too far gone,3 +540,"I can’t take it anymore! I don’t know how to reach out to people online to make friends, let alone my classmates in real life. My parents only ever want to talk to my sister on the phone. I’m so isolated and deprived of any attention or social interaction I feel like I’m going completely fucking crazy. + +I don’t even know where to begin getting help through therapy! I know the first step is to even TAKE a step at all, but I just get so paralyzed by terror I can’t do anything whatsoever. My college has some counseling program they’re partnered with in this city, but I don’t know how to reach out and beg for help. I don’t even know what words to use, I need a script or something. + +I’m 22 and I don’t have a single close friend, every time I take a personality quiz that has a question along the lines of “how many close friends do you have” and there isn’t an option for zero, a part of my soul dies. My boyfriend that I only stayed with out of fear of making him mad by breaking up with him broke up with me a couple weeks ago, and the ONLY social interaction I had whatsoever following that was extremely explicit anonymous sexual harassment on Tumblr that still makes my skin crawl to think about, but I didn’t tell them to stop until a different anon said “hey don’t you think this is kinda predatory?” because I didn’t want to be the killjoy by asking for it to stop and anyway I was probably overreacting about the whole thing to begin with, but now that that’s over since I blocked a few of them and turned anon off, I’m back to zero socialization whatso-fucking-ever! + +Every desperate cry for help feels like I’m just screaming into a vacuum, I don’t know how to get out of this fucking hole I’m trapped in, I’m too goddamn spineless to claw my way out. Can anyone hear me?!?! I just want someone to acknowledge me directly for once, I just want my classmates to invite me to lunch again, they used to invite me daily last year but at some point it feels like they just gave up on trying to get me involved and now it’s all my fault I still don’t have any fucking friends. + +At this point I don’t even want to blame the AvPD, I just want to blame myself for letting this shit perpetuate in my brain so much, it’s like I let a mold spread in here and now it’s in all the wrinkles in my brain, fuck.",Oh god I just feel so soul crushingly alone,3 +541,"[My old post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/comments/zwc806/oh_god_i_have_a_date/) + +Hi everyone! + +Since you all were so kind I wanted to share my experience. The date went okay, but she kind of felt distant to me afterwards, shorter answers, not really engaging in text chats. +It felt like she had no interest so I stopped texting her. +Last Wednesday after a dance class some people went to a bar in the same building. I chatted with her and some other people. It was quite nice. +Afterwards we had the same way home so we walked together and kept talking. +She talked about some mental health problems she had and how she was dealing with it, therapy and so on. She was quite open and frank. +Later when I was at home I thought about how she was in person compared to the text messages. My picture of her had changed a bit. Previously I would have said she was quite the confident woman (I still think she is though), but afterwards I saw that she also had internal struggles and insecurities. +So, I today decided to ask her again if she'd like to meet for a coffee. +She texted me back, that she thinks I'm really sweet and it's always fun talking with me, but her life is too ""full"" right now and she has no place right now for another friendship or something deeper. She'd like to keep it at the dance lessons and socials. She is sorry, that's probably not the answer I was hoping for, but she is just trying to being honest. +I wrote back, that it wasn't the answer I hoped for, but I thought I would get. I thought she was a great person and find her to be pretty awesome, so I had to write her. + +So, that's it. I'm a bit sad now, although I knew this would be coming. Still it's better to be in the clear. + +I've given up some hope to find a partner. It's so hard not to be frustrated or be frustrated, live through the frustration and get out of it on top. + +My few relationships began during those very rare moments in my life, where I was truly happy. A condition that feels unreachable at the moment. This makes it feel impossible to find love. +I try to be the best person I can be, but it never feels enough.","Update to 'Oh god, I have a date'",3 +542,"I can said I have hight functioning AvPD. I go to work , teach my classes .I'm constantly wanting to improve and develop a strong career path and get enough money for surviving in a Latin American country. + +But a few things happened while in quarantine , I was depressed , isolated with my family, grieving that a part of my body wasn't functioning well and got removed that destroyed me and on top of that my religious trauma and the stupid comments of my mother who things all the things need to be her way or not be at all. She hurt me terribly. + +Anyways , as I isolated i created a new perspective of shame and was constantly bullied by neighbors for my attitudes and behaviors as I was bragging a lot due to my financial and career position were higher than of those adults around me just at 22. I know that's awful and was against my original principles but I think I just tried to cope. I'm more mature i recognize it was a mechanism to avoid rejection and shame. Like ""You can laugh or make comments about me ,but you are average and I'm not"". +I started working at higher education by the time . + +I feel so much shame after all that happened and my avoidant traits have gotten even worse. I barely leave the home. I just go to my job, go home and repeat the cycle everyday. I am going through some medical difficulties nowdays and I have to come to the realization that I can't live like this anymore. This is not life. I don't do anything else apart from working and existing , I cannot practice any hobbies or watch anything cuz I think that if I sing in portuguese or Spanish or English somebody on the other side of the wall is gonna be ready to laugh at me. + +I don't even talked to my parents ,unless I feel sure nobody could hear us. Sometimes I try doing something and past memories come to hunt me . I tried moving out on my own ,but the fear of being judge for being a female living alone and not talking to anyone has taken me out of the apartment and I've been paying it for two months now, without living there. Putting as an excuse that once I recover more from a recent surgery I had , I'll go back to my place. + + +Bless your heart if you took the time to read all these mess.","Does your anxiety , fear of judgment ,rejection or humiliation stop you from doing daily basic tasks ? Do your triggers replay in your mind constantly ?",3 +543,I had a weird childhood where I feel to this day like a lot of my own relatives don’t know the real me and it makes me sad to think about. And I wonder what caused that my own cousins don’t really talk to me. They are a bit older and have different life situations but still. I have vague memories of things that could’ve went wrong looking back. Maybe some conflicts but it’s so unclear I’m not sure. Is anyone else here able to relate?,Family relationships,3 +544,"Alright before i start i want to say that im 16. Ive been showing some symptoms as long as i can remember, but i hate self diagnosis so i want some help. Because i dont want to have a pd(obviously) Ive been extremely shy and untrusting of others ever since i was a small child. Im often rude and cold to people bc im extremely afraid of someone talking to me and try to make them think im not talking to them bc im arrogant and not a loser whos afraid of everyone. But im more like the second. Ive always been insecure also, i had a history of self harm. But i did that because i feel like im not enough and dont deserve to even breath the same air as most people, not because im suicidal. I had suicidal thoughts a lot but i never considered doing it because im too much of a coward for it. I also project my insecurities on people a lot and try to find someone inferior to me to communicate. Ive felt inferior for so long that i want to be superior to someone so i project my insecurities and drag them down. Im not jelaous by any means, i just want someone inferior to me. I dont think i even need to mention i have no friends, and push anyone that tries to talk to me bc i suspect theyre bullying me. But i have good relations with my family even though they also make me a little anxious. And i have a diagnosis of gad",Might i have avpd?,3 +545,"I’ve only recently discovered my disorder falls into AVPD (6 of 7 characteristics). I’ve been going to a psychiatrist for years - who’s treated me for depression (Zoloft). Ive always been “shy”, overly self critical, etc. + +I’ve been to 5 Therapists over the last 20 years - none have really helped me. We’ve identified the causes of my AVPD (very critical parents, physical abuse. . Sexual abuse in Jr High.) However - that’s a far as I get. The rest is just talking about my feelings. I get 6 to 9 mos in - and I feel like I’m just saying the same stuff. So I quit. + +Has any AVPD-sufferers ever had success with Therapy? + +What does “success” look like? I can’t even imagine. Are you more socially successful and “bulletproof” from criticism? + +What methods did you use in Therapy that made you successful? What did you do, beyond talking about your traumas, that helped you? + +What kind of Therapist was helpful in getting passed, or improving? Is there some specialization or kind of therapist that is more successful with AVPD? + +Thx.",Therapy Success for AVPD? Anyone?,3 +546,"To me the idea of being in a relationship like that is the ultimate danger as the level of intimacy in that dynamic is as high as it can possibly be in life. It is just hard to comprehend myself being able to deal with something like that because the fear is overwhelming. For this reason this is one of the hardest things for me to work on despite making inroads in other respects. + +I have learned to personally engage with people in a platonic way, although I have a sort of mental dissonance that keeps most social interactions at a superficial level. But it seems like that is not a possibility with romance, which is why I have not been able to adapt or understand how to even go about it. This is why like many other posts I have come across on here, I have virtually no experience at 27. + +I'm wondering how others have even begun to be able to make an effort to seek one or even be in one as the possibility of rejection and having to be emotionally open is amplified. I realize that avpd obviously is an individualized experience and other social dynamics might be more difficult for others and this is not me saying that I believe those in relationships are lying about their diagnosis of course. It's just moreso that I have a difficult time relating and understanding how you guys who have succeeded in this have made this progress.",How does one with AvPD even begin to entertain the idea of being in a romantic relationship?,3 +547,"School sucks. All I do is hide the bathroom every break time to avoid social interactions because I also know there isn't anywhere to go or sit. If there is a place in the library, I hope that nobody sits next to me or looks at me. I think people stare at me, but when I look up, they're not. I wish school days went faster and feel like I get anxiety attacks. + +I avoid making friends at school because I feel inferior to people. Like, I don't deserve them, and they're much better having someone else as a friend than me because I have 0 social skills and stress to maintain friendships. I try to seem mildly interesting by having hobbies, but i know it isn't enough. I sometimes feel severely lonely and depressed at school and at home but try to distract myself from that. I don't speak a word at school. Somedays, I dissociate, and everything feels like this isn't my home or I'm dreaming. + +I think this is just general social anxiety, but do any of you relate? (BTW, I'm not trying to self diagnose. I just need some help...)","I know this probably isn't AVPD, but sometimes I suspect I have a bit of it due to symptoms, but that doesn't mean anything",3 +548,"Who am I talking to? WHY am I talking to? There's no one here! This is a faceless screen, a faceless website. There's no one actually here. No one can hear me. No one can see me either. I don't exist. You don't exist. I'm not actually talking to anyone. It's just my phone. Or my laptop. Talking back to me. Every day. No one actually will hear me. Where am I? How did I get here? Why do I even feel emotionally attached to some voices coming from my phone? You lot don't exist! I don't exist!",You lot don't exist.,3 +549,,meirl,3 +550,"It's my birthday tomorrow. My family wants to throw a party for me and my twin brother. They said to invite our friends and they'll invite the rest of the family and our cousins we haven't seen in a while. My brother doesn't have AVPD, all his friends are coming. I had a friend but I avoided him, I have no one to invite.It's my birthday tomorrow, and I'm feeling like doing some avoidant shit.🥳",Birthday Party,3 +551,"She's been a friend of mine for 5 years, she's caring, loyal and she's always been there for me but she has this habit. If she's upset she'll ignore the shit out of me, she'll snap at me for the smallest of things without warning. I've told her she has the right to be upset and express herself but she can give me a heads up instead of ignoring me and making me feel guilty. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. I asked this on a avpd reddit because I already feel lonely, I can't imagine losing her as well. What do I do?",Do I leave this friend?,3 +552,"So i went to the shop today to collect an order. I told the cashier my name an so on. The thing is there werent really any thoughts going around in my head, and i tried to be so confident but still felt terrible the entire time. My body become really stiff and uncomfortable the entire time i was there. Like i really try to become better but how can i Shake this sensation?",Anyone else feels like this?,3 +553,"I've looked at my analytics over the past 2 years, from the day I marked down as all the shit starting and I couldn't believe it. + +I don't even want to give the sum here, because I'm ashamed. But it's a lot. And the point is, I've been receiving money from my n-parents as an allowance, I didn't even have a job, I didn't even go to school, I could save it, spend it on whatever I want. + +I don't even want to leave my house anymore right now...",Are you guys compulsive spenders?,3 +554,"I still have some Sertraline, a lot of Cipralex, a lot of Depakine. Almost an entire box of Abilify, a little over two sheets of Seroquel... And the corpses of all the Klonopin in my town. + +Sigh... God, I miss Klonopin...",Do you guys have a stash?,3 +555,,[Image] 🎯This is so true.,3 +556,"I have always struggled making friends, developing deeper relationships, and feeling safe in friendships. Once a friendship starts to develop into something deeper, I run the other way. I think I’m so scared of being rejected that I reject myself before it can happen to me or catch me off guard. I think I’m also paranoid that people are just being polite and no one actually likes me, especially if I pick up on any tiny “clues” that this might be the case. Clues look like friends not texting in a while, friends not inviting me to something, hanging out with other friends without me, or just some way that I interpret their communication or tone. + +Does anyone experience this and how do you keep from running the other way when you can’t interpret if you’re truly wanted as a friend or if you need to back off? Do I just need to take a leap of faith?",Anyone run the other way from their friends?,3 +557,"I don't know if anyone else here feels like this, but I've noticed that the thought of having to reject someone I don't like is also feeding my avoidance. + +At this point I already know that I'm not compatible with 99% of the people near me, I can't connect, I have some niche interests and different beliefs and values compared to most of the people where I live. +Finding someone I really like is something that happens one time in years and even though I know they exist, it is very rare for me to find them. + +The thing is: sometimes people see me being more reclusive and think is just because I'm shy, I guess they feel pity/empathy for who they think I am so they start trying to socialize with me, but the truth is I am willingly distancing because I don't see anything in common with them or sometimes see things that actually annoy me, but I feel so uncomfortable rejecting their attempt, specially if we have to see each other a lot, even If I know nothing that satisfies me will come from there. + +Because I have experienced the pain of rejection a lot of times I feel empathy for them (or, as I said, for what I think they will feel when rejected, which is the same pain I've felt in the past) but I also think there's also a factor of fear of judgement (and therefore rejection I guess?) here, because I'm afraid they will find me arrogant, rude, mean, superficial, someone with a superiority complex or just straight up be mad at me. I have this good girl syndrome and the thought of someone thinking bad of me is so excrutiating that just doing what is more comfortable for the others and not for me seems to be easier, but of course it's not being sustainable on the long run. + +So yeah, nowadays I'm also avoiding social interaction and new relationships because I know that I'll probably not like or be compatible with the person, am afraid of being judged/rejected and also of having to reject.",I do not struggle only with the fear of being rejected but also the discomfort of rejecting,3 +558,"Hi, I'm not sure if this is an AVPD thing or a CPTSD thing... + +But I have a strong rejection of any physical touch that's comforting or affectionate. + +I'm permanently tense and hypervigilant and I now have a lovely dog who is so loving - but I notice I basically reject her affection of leaning against me by tensing up. I've tried letting go and accepting the comfort of her touch but it leaves me feeling very strange and uneasy. My dog is very smart and notices the miniscule flexes of my muscles and my pushing back at her and will either walk away or try harder to 'love' me / affiliate with me by persisting with her leaning against me with a little bit more weight. She's quite a teacher like that, and could maybe help me learn to accept love/affiliation. + +The same has happened with professional physical massages. I would be 'body armouring' against the touch and tensing up and trying to push away the masseur instead of relaxing and accepting the physical touch and enjoying that experience. + +I have a feeling this is related to an early life trauma thing... but I was wondering if any one with AVPD relates to this. I don't know why I feel so repulsed by physical contact - it makes me feel squirmish and so uncomfortable, in danger almost.. + +Often if I initiate it and am slightly dissociated I can do it. But there's a wall there preventing it from being too authentic or entirely organic, - essentially going through the motions without mindfulness due to the layer of dissociation in the forefront. + +Then there are other times when I can genuinely be affectionate for a short while, to my dog.. giving her a stroke or cuddle - without being dissociated, instead mindful. However after a little while this is when I think AVPD comes into play.... : as I then start to think I suck at being affectionate and that my dog thinks I'm an idiot or annoying or needy or something. (so total lack of self confidence comes into play) + +My experience of touch is kind of like comforting a stranger{in my experience}, you're not 100% in the moment as you're not sure what to do to be there for them. Except I'm like this with giving all friendly/informal/affectionate touch. And receiving it seems to scare me. It confuses me and makes me feel incredibly vulnerable and I rebel against it from the very core of my psyche and body. I can feel like a child / perhaps toddler age.. inside me trying to fight off an opposing force.. when I am touched which makes me think it's a trauma/CPTSD thing. + +Wish I knew how to work with it.. I get overwhelmed. No therapist currently.. + +Things like; I will start stroking the dog as it's happy to see me and wagging it's tail. But then when the tail stops wagging I'll instantly feel like I've done something wrong or the dog isn't enjoying the attention (failure/defective schemas --- {or low self-esteem simply}). So I then try stroking her somewhere else or give up. ----> I'm sure a therapist could help me navigate this quite easily. + +I do have times when It works, I can be affectionate and not crumble in failure if the dog is non responsive, I guess the other times I'm seeking validation that I'm being comforting? the times it works cohesively/naturally are getting easier with practise... but I don't know any tools or practical ways to get better at it when I'm not feeling like it. Most of the time I just want to be alone.. and this dog is very affectionate and I don't want to fail at being reciprocate. - and of course this is all prelude to having human relationships.. which are infinitely more complex.",Is: Aversion to physical touch / affection - cause anyone else to tense up and feel uncomfortable?,3 +559,"I went out to throw garbage in the middle of the night today, it was dark outside, and there was no one there, and I was not scared at all. I might have been scared in the past, but now I hope that some ghost will appear to accompany me, because I really Is it too afraid of humans and too lonely, is there the same?",I am no longer afraid of ghosts since I get AVPD,3 +560,"I can't find anything on Google about this, but sometimes it feels like people are lowkey putting me down by whistling. It's very annoying.","If someone whistles around you, does it mean they're judging you internally?",3 +561,"I am 30 years old never had a job, never moved out of my parents house, have only one friend and have never been in a relationship. I’m so ashamed of myself but at the same time I have no motivation to change and am so depressed all I ever wanna do is sleep or lay in bed playing games and watching YouTube. Is anyone else like this? If you were and were able to make changes ( ie get a job move out) was a difficult to make friends? Did people ridicule you and reject you once they found out how pathetic you were?",Anyone else like me?,3 +562,How often do you get them? Do you make them? What's your reaction on compliments?,Compliments,3 +563,"i’ve always felt extremely anxious around people and unfortunately due to covid/quarantine, i’ve gotten really used to and fond of being alone. i’ve have “friends” but i’m horrible to them, i feel extremely guilty about it but i just don’t know what to do. i constantly avoid going places with them by coming up with really elaborate excuses, i don’t let them know anything about me or my personal life either. but they’ve always for some reason have come to me for advice and to vent, i don’t necessarily dislike when they do that, but i’m not opening up to them about myself, and i think i’m hurting them in the process. the idea of me having friends or even a romantic relationship sounds really nice in theory, but the moment anyone shows any sort of initiative to become my friend i immediately become exhausted or even sometimes annoyed. i feel like such a deeply horrible person because of my cowardliness since i don’t ever express this to anyone. i just don’t know what to do, i want to be alone but i also want someone to care for me and i care for them, but i realistically just don’t see that happening to me, maybe i don’t deserve it i really don’t know. +this all sounds really convoluted but if anyone relates or has any advice please let me know.",i don’t know why i don’t like having relationships with people,3 +564,"Hello everyone :) hope you're all having a good one! + + I went to best buy today to pick up a new phone and im ngl it was quite stressful. I had my phone for about 5 years and it was time for an upgrade. The whole process of trading in my phone was so stressful because not only was the employee kinda anxiety inducing to deal with, but he trashed my sim card by messing around with the sim tray on my old phone and tried to say my phone was too old and that i can ""buy a new one because they're cheap"" + +So after all that mess, I had to walk to my carrier and the closest one was closed. I was kinda shaking at this point because I felt like my whole day was going wrong, but I got kinda brave and took an uber to the other side of town to replace my sim card + +I lived to tell this tale lol + +Tldr: upgraded phone but best buy employee trashed my sim card so had to journey all over town to get a new one",Went to a busy store today,3 +565,"I've always been terrified of driving and get extremely anxious, especially in new areas or high traffic areas. Driving with other people in the car also gives me anxiety. Does anyone else get this or is it just a me thing?",Is anyone else terrified of driving?,3 +566,,Are you afraid no one will be there by your side when your sick?,3 +567,"I’m not an extrovert, I don’t want attention, I’m okay with being silent, I hate small talk, I want deep connections that come from a place of mutual patience and empathy and I’m sorry to admit this so late, but I won’t find that with like 99% of people. It just is how it is. What I’ll try to work on: + +I’ll allow myself to fail, stutter or mumble when I don’t feel comfortable talking in groups, but I’ll talk nonetheless when I have something to say so that I can practice that which I’m not good at. + +Which means I’ll allow myself to feel discomfort. Deep discomfort and shame, which I know, will lessen one day or I’ll get used to the feelings. + +I’ll allow myself to be intimate with people I feel comfortable with. And to warn them when I feel like fleeing and hiding. The right people will understand and won’t give up so easily. + +I’ll accept failure, expect disappointment and revel in misery because I know it will lead me to something better than this dark void I’ve been living in the last years of my life. + +Thank you.",I’ve decided to opt out of this disorder lol,3 +568,"If you ask me what my hobbies are, I can't name any. If you ask me what my talents are, I can't name any. + +I follow current events, politics, foreign policy. I read the Washington Post and the NY Times and The Economist. I listen to podcasts. But to me, that's not so much a ""hobby"" as just part of being a responsible citizen who keeps up with what's going on in the world. + +I try to go running or ride my stationary bike a few times a week. But again, I don't see that as a ""hobby"" but just doing what we're all technically ""supposed"" to do to minimize the risk of health problems. + +None of these are things that really bring you closer to people or are conducive to meeting them. + +When I was in college, there'd always be some guy who was an amazing guitar player and people would just magnetically gravitate toward him and just ""vibe."" I've never had any musical talent. + +Or people would just play frisbee or pickup soccer. I've never been able to do something like that. My body freezes up, I panic, I'm afraid I'm going to make a mistake and everyone else will get mad at me. In middle school PE, if we had to play soccer or basketball I'd always just stand as far off to the side as I could and run *away* from the ball if it was anywhere near me; if I was getting in trouble for that I'd say I had to go to the bathroom or wasn't feeling well and needed to see the nurse. In HS, I ran cross country precisely because so much of the competition wasn't being watched, you didn't have to do anything with other people, and if you messed up it was solely on you and nobody else would get pissed off at you. A lot of people seem to do things like play softball or volleyball in rec leagues and I wish I could do something like that without having a panic attack and feeling like a fucking spaz. + +I've never really played video games. When I was growing up, my parents basically forbade me from playing any that they regarded as ""too violent"" which meant nothing like Halo or CoD or the other popular franchises people would get into. And I've always avoided them as an adult because if I started spending a bunch of time playing video games by myself, somehow that would make me feel even *more* isolated than I already am. + +I've never really done any traveling because I've always felt too self-conscious to take a trip by myself. (I'm a guy so I don't have the excuse of safety, which can be an issue for women doing solo travel in some parts of the world.) In college, I never did any kind of study abroad because I was afraid I'd get there and nobody would like me and I'd basically be trapped there for weeks with no way to escape. I'd feel embarrassed about not being able to speak to people in their native language (even though virtually no Americans can do that anyway). I see people on social media backpacking through Europe or Asia and hanging out with all these people they just met and I have no fucking clue how they pull that off. + +Does anyone else feel this way? Almost like you're just a Non-Player Character in a video game who doesn't really get to have their own story while everyone else is going on adventures through life? If I meet someone and they ask what I ""like to do"" I basically draw a blank. + +Or, if not, do you have any suggestions for how to make yourself more interesting?","Does anyone else feel like they're too ""boring"" to have friends?",3 +569,"No friends/accomplishments etc. Just been living the past few years in isolation. I have a deep sense of shame about this and I finally feel like I want to come out and like, be a person again. But the thought of meeting new people who didn't waste years in isolation makes me queasy. Making friends when you have none just feels downright embarrassing. Reconnecting with people I lost touch with years ago due to this lovely PD is also mortifying. ""Sorry I stopped talking to you, I took a break from being a person for a few years"" isn't really something I feel comfortable admitting. How do I explain myself without scaring off everyone? What if I do engage with the world again, have a good thing going for a while, and then just shut down again, only this time with a new batch of people to disappoint when I inevitably ghost them. So I do nothing. The cycle continues.",I feel like I can't come out of isolation because I have nothing to show for it,3 +570,"Like I barely can do the most basic things like taking care of myself and if some obstacle gets in the way I wouldn't know what am I suppose to do. And I'm grown ass adult, 31 years old, don't know how to stop being like this 🤕",Does anyone else completely helpless?,3 +571,"I don’t know if this is even a thing but I feel like it describes me. I have no problems talking to people, especially strangers, yet I have no follow through if they show interest. I’ll get invited for dinner, coffee, etc and always make an excuse. + +I did get married twice but left quickly as soon as things became difficult and while I was in them I was very much a loner. I had no desire to go out with friends, do things with family and such. + +I start projects with earnest and get so excited about them yet can’t follow through to finish them. + +Even on Reddit, I have no problem starting a conversation yet when someone replies it puts me in flight mode, I’m so afraid I’ll be seen as dumb or unlearned. Or that my opinion isn’t worthy of a response. + +I have the get up and go that got up and went I guess you could say. I’m trying to work past it though and not just react in the moment anymore and instead take my time, and push myself to follow through. I don’t want this disorder to control me like it does. Can you relate?",High functioning avoidants,3 +572,"Frustratingly it takes time for me to get back out. I keep thinking how dumb it was for me to even bother trying when I should’ve stayed quiet like usual. It’s annoying because when it comes to social situations, I pretty much never forget things so I can end up dwelling on things a lot.","The rare occasion where I decide to speak up, I end up saying something stupid and retreat back into my comfort zone",3 +573,ive been hearing a lot about rejection therapy and it sounds like a great idea for people in general to do but especially for those of us with avpd. the thing is the thought of me trying it makes me nauseous... like id rather die than torture myself like that. im wondering if anyone in this sub has tried it out and how did it go? did it help?,has anyone tried rejection therapy?,3 +574,,How do you deal with feelings of internalized shame?,3 +575,,Avoidant Armadillo. Yes we have a Personality Animal,3 +576,,How to leave an abusive household without having money ?,3 +577,"I just found this group recently, and it got me thinking. I feel like I was always this way, but it doesn't make sense to me that someone would simply be born this way. + +One of my first memories was standing behind my parents, and somebody asked them, ""What is wrong with him?"" To which they responded, ""Oh, he is just shy."" + +In the first grade during story time, I would face against the wall 2 feet away from everybody and just daydream. Never joining in, but according to my mom, my teacher found it cute, so she never said anything. + + +I found it embarrassing at the age of 7 when someone would call their parents ""mommy and daddy."" + +I would sit with the kids that bullied me during lunchtime because I desperately wanted them to accept me. + + +Up until high school, I would constantly go to the nurses office trying to act sick so I could leave, and at the very least be able to laydown for sometime. + +From middleschool to highschool I found my way to kinda fit in which was through humor, gained a lot of attention but I only felt like I had 2 real friends this entire time. Even though id spend countless nights crying thinking those friends really hated me + +Any girl I liked in highschool I would never pursue because I didnt think I deserved them. Im sure everyone here did this though. + + +Since the focus is on childhood, im going to stop here, but I just find it interesting how, for me, it seems I was always like this. How is it that in early development, someone can be so self-conscious?",Childhood,3 +578,,Theater therapy for AvPD,3 +579,"I am currently in my second semester in college and I hate it. I am not the most intelligent person but I try my best. It's expensive but my scholarships cover it so I am going for free. I am very grateful that I have this opportunity but it is terrible. I started with a mandatory orientation where all we did was walk around and talk to each other. This was my personal circle of hell. I can manage in small groups, but this was at least 30 people. A week of that. + +&#x200B; + +I also had a class called ""you at \*school\*"". It was ALL TEAM BUILDING. It was a show-up for credit class and I almost failed because I wouldn't participate. I had to do a presentation and just started crying in the middle of it. I have never been more embarrassed in my life. I went to sit down and the girl next to me was patting my shoulder and asking if I wanted to go into the hallway for a bit. I don't like people touching me. + +&#x200B; + +Now, as a recovering addict, I have another Layer of Isolation. Everyone is in their ""my mom is not here let's party"" phase and I can't be around any type of substance without jeopardizing my sobriety. So I can't just show up to an open party or talk because that's all people do now. + +&#x200B; + +I also have a class that's just discussion groups. It is 12 people so not as bad as my larger class', except no one talks. It's just the T-A repeating the same question prompt over and over till someone speaks up. I wanted to fill the awkward silence so I said something and now I am expected to talk all the time. + +&#x200B; + +I hate talking. I wish I had an invisibility cloak to go to class with. I am ruining my education because I can't function properly. And I am so jealous of others around me. I want to be happy like them.",I Hate School,3 +580,"I’m 25 and haven’t had any proper friends for like 10 years. + +I know lots of people are in this situation but I feel like it’s extra hard for me because I am such a sociable person at heart and talking to others is the main ways I naturally feel happy. + +I’m not confident but I have forced myself to go out and meet people, but I think my personality is too weird that I’ll never really get close to anyone. It takes so much energy to push myself and open up to strangers and be my socially awkward embarrassing self in front of people, so when I manage to do it and don’t make friends it makes me want to give up at life. + +I think about this all the time and never get any relief from constant feelings of loneliness and boredom and emptiness and when I’m around people like working and realise I’m not close to anyone it I have to literally use breathing exercises to stop myself from crying because I realise that I’m a huge mis fit and the odds of me making a friend with my avpd and everything are extremely slim and I shouldn’t have as much hope as I do. + +I don’t know what to do anymore it’s been a long time and I’m just waiting for something that isn’t in my future and I want to give up I don’t know how to keep going or what for.",How am I supposed to make friends?,3 +581,"I’ve found myself in more groups in school this semester, and it’s really starting to affect me. Since I have to talk to my classmates, it’s hard not to become acquaintances with some of them. But now, I feel like I’m in too deep and need to retreat. I want to shut everyone out to protect myself. + +I know it’s stupid because they aren’t mean to me or make me feel bad, it’s just in my head. My mind tells me that they don’t really care for me…they just have to talk to me. What is that? Why can’t I just believe that people can like me as a person? Constantly having to battle my negative thoughts about myself to keep from shutting down on everyone. This is so dumb…and I feel really self centered for thinking this way.",Trying hard not to push everyone away,3 +582,"Not sure if anyone else relates, but I'm struggling to start or finish anything. I'm incredibly behind in my work, and I don't do any hobbies or spend much time at the gym either. I'm also pretty ashamed of myself, which leads me to avoid people. It's not a good circle to be stuck in. I've had ideas for things to try, but it's pretty hard to start anything. Does anyone else relate?",Can't get anything done,3 +583,"I have no problem with being open and honest with my therapist. But no matter what I say, I never feel like anything I ever say is true. I can talk about how sad I feel or what it feels like to have a conversation, but somehow my brain always wants me to think that I’m making stuff up or something. I have so many conversations in my head where I feel like I’m able to express myself fully. But once I’m talking to my therapist, or anyone else for that matter, it’s all just nonsense. It just makes me feel so god damn lonely and stupid. + +So I told my therapist about this, and she suggested I make a recording or write whatever I want to say down, so that I can express myself more fully. + +Anyone else have the same problem?",Speaking my mind when talking to my therapist,3 +584,Y'all have got to share them.,Can we please hear some success stories?,3 +585,"i mean people have always been superficial but i feel like tiktok has made this problem much worse. ive had my hair cut short for 12 years now and in those 12 years ive been treated like shit, gradually getting worse since the pandemic. i used to be so happy with myself and short hair as a women but i now feel like people are stripping me of that. i constantly get irritating comments like “when are you going to grow it out? you should grow it out”, “i miss your long hair”, “i bet your hair is beautiful long!”, “are you in army?” (this one particularly bothers me because thats not the sort of way i want to present myself. i am very anti military, anti-war and to be seen as a supporter of that just irks me), “poor you must have cancer im sorry get well soon”, “are you making a statement”, “grow out your hair youll look better”, “you look like a dyke”, “your hair makes you look antisocial”… and probably more im forgetting. another thing is that ive been rejected by men before from just my hair. it hurts so fucking much it makes me never want to show my face in public again. im already so ashamed of how i look. i feel like im disgusting and stupid looking. im sick of hearing comments and being treated like this so i decided to just give in and let it grow out. i give up",I’m really sick of how superficial people have become.,3 +586,"My father is an addict and overall an incomprehensible and insufferable person. He never gave me nothing. He has never been willing to listen to me, and when I insist on expressing my ideas, he calls me ""punk"", ""alienated"" or ""callow"". He never gave me a useful advice. He's extremely obsessive and unflexible. His neuroticism hits the skies. He talks with imaginary people. He's unable to follow the most basic social conventions, to the point of harrasment in very grotesque ways. He believes that most people, including me, my mom and my brother, are ""zombies dominated by the virtual world and the hegemonic imperial power that displays an upside down world"" (sic). + +We live in Venezuela. He believes or used to believe that he was secretely the ""number two"" of the regime, that Maduro qouted his tweets, and that the Intelligence Service escorted him 24/7. He believes that his neighbour, who has been repeatedly harrased by him, owns the biggest child prostitution ring in the country. + +Despite coming from a consolidated upper class, white family, and having opportunities in places like San Diego, he never worked. He never provided. My mom, who comes from a family of peasants, has provided everything in my life by nothing but her own hands. When my grandmother died due to my father's negligence, he inherited a ridiculous ammount of money by selling our house. He wasted it all in obvious scams in exchange for literal bottles of rum and whiskey. At one point, I felt anxious about the prospect of him not providing a HOME for me and him. + +He has always been a parasite. When he could, he consumed alcohol in copious ammounts and acted very aggresively and disturbingly. He made me cry sometimes. He brought my mom to the brink of madness. His surroundings always smell like tobacco and piss. Now, he totally depends on my mom for survival. He's a eternal thing in my life.",My father,3 +587,"It wasn't that my parents weren't married. + +But, relatively, my dad just wasn't there for me. + +It hurts. + +But, I will heal. + +I will deal with my anxiety. + +I will keep working on myself.",Fatherlessness is what messed me up.,3 +588,"So, I've posted here before, but here we go again: + +I work on hobbies, skills, and side hustles very intensely, but never intensely enough to do anything with them. I have a degree in music education so I'm really really good at researching and breaking things down to the fundamental level in which I can learn them effectively. I am capable of picking things up very quickly. It's almost like the huge, dramatic improvements you make at the beginning of a skill or hobby give me the validation that I crave. + +The problem comes when I hit a plateau in improvement. These plateaus where you stop making huge dramatic improvements happen naturally. Due to my super sick AvPD tendencies, this plateau is perceived as invalidation and rejection. I'm aware of how ridiculous it is, but it continues to happen. At this point I basically ghost the hobby and start with something old or new. Whether or not I retain the knowledge from my ""fixation"" is anyone's guess. + +What should happen at these points of plateau is thoughtful consistency. If you continue to chip away, those vast improvements will happen, but over a larger timespan. I am unable to achieve that consistency because my AvPD tendencies make it extremely difficult to get past the first plateau of any skill. + +Ideally, I wish I could just spend months and months, even years, fixating on doing just one thing so that I can actually see these trees bear fruit. + +Here are a few examples of what I mean: + +\- Contemporary/Jazz saxophone/bass. Have the skills/knowledge in order to play and make a nice amount of cash gigging or playing weddings. Can't use these skills because I lack the consistency to go to jam sessions monthly, network, and learn the songs necessary to operate in these settings. The intense social aspect of the jazz/contemporary music scene also triggers my AvPD tendencies. + +\-Youtube/Video Editing/Content Creation - Built a youtube channel, totally unrelated to music, from nothing to monetized in less than a year, with almost 100,000 views. Lots of potential for growth. I taught myself and know my away around Photoshop, Premiere Pro, After Effects, with knowledge of basic filmmaking/editing techniques, audio engineering, etc. Again, I wish I could just completely no life this and make it blow up, cause I know I could. + +\-Programming/Tech I've taught myself, in a short time frame, a lot about programming, as well as the industry best practices and standards. I know for a fact that if I could just do this every day consistently, I could turn it in to a career. + +I wish I could just pick one of these things and go hard at it every single day.",Why can't I do just one thing?,3 +589,,Painfully accurate.,3 +590,after isolating for so many years i don’t know how to act around people. i don’t feel human. people don’t like me as soon as they meet me and i can’t figure out what i’m doing wrong anymore.,don’t feel like a human anymore,3 +591,,Hm,3 +592,"Sorry for my bad English, but I've been bottling up for too long, and I don't know what to do, no one can understand me even my parents and therapists and strangers on the internet. + +Last year (2022), in February, I quit college (online) cuz I can't handle it, even though I got a good grade in one of my courses but I didn't think I got it at all! And after that, I wanted to start the business but I don't have money, my mom gave me money but she just gave me 16$, she said: ""After the items sold out, I will give u money again"". But when I started to sell in my shop, it didn't succeed cuz maybe I just have little items. Also, when I was in college, my mom rarely gave me money, unless it was for college tuition and the money for internet. My father is still alive but he never paid for my school. But the hurt thing in my life was my stepbrothers think that my father never gave them money cuz they think that all of my father's money was used up for me. + +And now I am 22y.o. I sent many job applications (about 20+ or more), but just get accepted for 1 job, but I ignore it cuz I can't ride a motorcycle and I think the salary was too low. I was thinking that I want to go to another country for a job, so I can get better life cuz I have a chronic illness and mental illness, but I don't have money. I told my mom about that, but she didn't agree with me, she want me to just stay here. I rarely lied to my parents when I was asking for money but now, sometimes I am lying to them cuz I think they are too stingy for just the only child in this family. + +I wanted to try short courses to get a remote job but I am unmotivated. People on the internet was saying that I have a sexy body when I sent my pics to them. I was thinking that maybe I can get a job in onlyfans but I was too shy about that. I've never doin' voice calling and video calling when I was doin' sexting. Btw, I am still a virgin but sometimes I want to try to lose it, but now there is no way to lose it cuz I have no life and my life is messed up.",What should I do?,3 +593,"Recognize the problem, folks. + +Take control of it as best as you can.",It's when we realize that we're broken that the hope for fixing ourselves sets in.,3 +594,"And I don't know what to do :/ I have some little money and currently have a remote job but I maybe will loose it soon, maybe next month (they're not firing me, just due to circumstances they may or may not close the studio, it's not clear yet). Probably I can rent for a few months, but everything is so overpriced, so I'm not sure. And it's middle of winter. So anxious right now. +I tried to look for a job online, but didn't find anything (there's nothing irl, cause I live in small shithole town and I probably won't be hired that way anyway). But I didn't actually try hardly to find anything, just sitting on my ass, procrastinating. Don't even have any friends or even acquaintances, so.. 💀",I will soon be kicked out of the apartment,3 +595,"I feel like when someone (such as my boyfriend or family) are upset that it is my fault. I feel like I try my hardest to be “perfect” yet I am constantly falling way shorter than everyone else and what is expected of me. I feel like I am an annoyance, waste, f-up, and dumb. I am fairly observant of people’s body language and tone of voice. I pick up on a lot but some times I wonder if I’m making everything about me and I just need to ignore my (hurt) feelings. +I’m not sure how to navigate these situations.",How do I know if I should actually be upset about something or if it’s just me being overly sensitive (aka my AvPD)?,3 +596,Can't stop ruminating on failed friendship/crush I haven't seen or talked to them in year's but I just can't let it go completely 😔,Rumination,3 +597,"I just want to know for those that finish university how do you do it, I drop out last year because of how insanely hard and painfull it was and i was also getting kinda bullied",How do you finish University,3 +598,"Ok this is gonna be really weird and random but I just wanted to share this because..idk, feels like something meaningful to me I guess? Thinking about all sorts of things takes like 99% of my day, my brain never shuts. And when I think about ""big picture"", like the world outside my internal one and my struggles, I am getting upset and resentful over my life. My one true friend during those times is my imagination and fantasies about life where I am normal and just..well, happy. About a month ago I finished watching playthrough of Lost in Vivo, and this is where the weird part starts lol. In short, it's game where player comes through vivo exposure therapy to overcome their fears and anxiety. In the good ending, player succeed and it represented as coming through light in the tunnel and reuniting with your dog. And that final scene, it has such a calming music, atmosphere. The player's been to hell and back so this light in the tunnel ending is really awesome. So, when I finished it, I started to imagine myself as that player. I've been through such a lot of things and I am trying my best to manage, so it gives me that tiny spark of hope that after all, universe will give me a break. Maybe things'll get better and maybe, just maybe I could finally make baby steps towards my dreams without my avpd being triggered so much. Thanks for listening to me 🙏",Coping,3 +599,im curious. bcuz i sorta do and i post.. even tho i feel shit ab my appearance. its a confusing relationship lol,"do u take selfies? if so, do u post them?",3 +600,"I know this question sounds resentful and judgmental. It sounds like an accusation almost. But I'm tired of getting hurt because I overestimate how important I am to the other person. + +Even if they said ""no, you're not important to me"" It would hurt as hell, but only at first, like ripping the bandaid off. I would learn to not get attached and we'd talk at a respectable distance. + +Does someone know the way to word this question better? I'm so done with this constant confusion.","I wish it was socially acceptable to just ask ""am I important to you""",3 +601,https://www.reddit.com/r/RandomThoughts/comments/1133p8v/how_do_you_deal_with_your_friends_who_avoid_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button,Did anyone else see this? I imagine it makes you feel the same way as me.,3 +602,wish me luck!,Tomorrow is my first day in group therapy,3 +603,"When I meet someone new, it seems like I'm always the person being curious and asking them questions. It just dawned on me they rarely ever ask me anything besides my name, if that. It's honestly tiresome.",Do you ask people questions but they don't ask you anything?,3 +604,"Like even in discord servers for lonely people and foreveralone people or other groups, everyone is still more talkative and text a lot and dm each other in those places. I don't dm anyone, ever. And rarely does anyone feel like dming me. It's like something is wrong with me. I feel disconnected from people but idk how to establish a connection. I don't even have the motivation to try to do it anymore. But it makes me sad when even other socially malfunctioning people thrive in niche communities and I can't. It's like I suck everywhere I go and I'm always an outcast. Meanwhile others are still capable of forming bonds. It's an awful feeling.",Anyome else feel like an outcast everywhere they go? Even in online spaces?,3 +605,"Anyone else have a hard time crying? It's like I have to push out a poop lol, even when alone(crying in front of ppl don't feel like an option) can't even cry properly smh",Trouble crying,3 +606,"Does anyone else know this feeling? + +I don't speak to anyone most days. Just my mom and dad, sometimes my sister. When I do speak, my voice sounds all weird because of the lack of practice. It's kinda funny because I've noticed that despite being fluent in English ( it's my second language, but I've studied it since I was a kid) sometimes I forget how to speak it properly. Sometimes I say things that don't make grammatical sense or I don't pronounce words correctly. Idk why this is happening. Maybe because I rarely speak with other people that aren't my parents. + + No one ever notices me. In school, it doesn't matter if I sit on the back or all the way on the front, no one ever talks to me and I don't talk to anyone. I haven't had a meaningful relationship of any kind with anyone in literal years. The last friend I ever had was when I was 12. I'm 23 now. I spent all high school sitting by myself behind a tree. Even now in college I'm by myself. I rarely leave my house. It's so fucking pathetic, but I just can't make friends. I don't relate to anyone. I don't feel comfortable around anyone. I feel like I'm acting whenever I interact with someone, like it's not real. I don't feel like a real person.","Sometimes I feel like I don't actually exist, like I'm a ghost of sorts.",3 +607,"(edit : I'm not native, I directly translated ""affronter"", but I guess ""face"" the world is more common to use) + +made me realize how little I know about anything. Once you start to avoid, it's a never ending cycle. You seek to forget the real wolrd, and once you try to avoid the avoidance, you understand how much you're behind, to the point where it seems impossible to catch up. + +I have dropped highschool a few years ago. Never studied more, got a diploma or worked. don't really have any friend, never had a partner. I get too anxious with anything social, even multiplayer games. In the past 6 years I have left my house like, twenty times. I'm driven by AvPD, and have very poor hygiene due to self-neglect and depression. I'm not skilled in anything, not particularly intelligent either, definitely not physically gifted, and absolutely hideous.\ +try to get a normal life with that background lol. I feel worthless, I have so much shame against myself, it sounds so hard. For the first time I want to find a way out and not rot in my room, for the first time I have ambitions. It's so hard. It's like living was not made for me, I think I was a mistake, not supposed to live this far -or at all-. + +I'll keep trying though. wish me luck",Affronting the world,3 +608,"ive been noticing my symptoms increasing. its getting to the point i cant hold conversations with anyone but my wife without becoming suicidal. its been getting worse each week. is this normal? feburary is usually the hardest month of the year for me, so that might be a factor, but god is it going to continue like this forever?",AvPD getting worse over time?,3 +609,"My mom basically tells me it's my fault I feel alone because I reject all of her offers to socialize (which, I'm not denying..it is my fault lol). When I tell her I want to make *new* connections with strangers she tells me that makes no sense and why don't I hang with family.. + +She doesn't get it when I say family scares me more than strangers. With strangers, there's much less at stake. They don't know shit about you, you don't know shit about them, and if something goes wrong you never have to speak to them again. It's one and done. + +She also didn't understand why I wanted to work retail (I don't anymore for different reasons now). She asked me how can I talk to strangers yet I'm too scared to talk to family. She doesn't understand that I just do better in work or education based settings.. + +You don't have to get into your personal life that much and once the day is over you go home and don't have to talk to them. There's not much expectations because they're your classmates/coworkers. You don't have to let them know too much about you + +My mom just doesn't get it and I hate talking to her about anything at all because she gives me over simplistic solutions and lowkey makes me feel bad for having these issues when she's part of the reason why I have it in the first place. As an adult, it's my responsibility to fix this but i know what my threshold is, I'm tired of her acting like she knows me better than I know myself (and she told me she knows me better than I know myself).",it's hard when loved ones don't understand avpd,3 +610,Does anyone look for a friend? Wanna be friends?,Friends?,3 +611,"We found out that you don't like make/show selfies. + +How about your looks? Your clothes, haircut, do you have tattoos, piercing? Because it counts as self expression - something that AvPDs have problem with.",Looks,3 +612,,How things have changed...,3 +613,"Heya, first of all sorry for any ramblings or incorrect sentences, my brain is all fuzzy and I'm shaking sadly. + +I've just sent off an email for a volunteering work, it's a simple museum carer, I will take care of the gardens, the tourists and whatever needs available. +I needed to do this, to boost up my CV because I can't work (because sadly..AVPD and CPTSD) + +It's all flexible hours, I won't get into any trouble if I miss a few days or whatnot. + +But I am still. So. Fucking. Scared. + +This isn't anything, ""O new situation fear"" no I've been to the museum once or twice and know the people, I know the community. + +But I am so damn fucking scared of rejection. I am scared of the possible outcomes this will bring me. I am scared of the social aspects of it. +I keep getting these thoughts of, ""they'll think I'm a creep"" ""I'll probably never keep up with it because I am a pathetic good for nothing, lower to everyone else"". +It's hurting me. + +And I need advice on how to just keep going, what should I do once it starts? Fight through the thoughts and fears? + +It was already hard enough as it was to do the paper, now I'm crashing wondering ""What the fuck was I thinking!?"" + +But I'm trying to keep positive as much as I possibly can. This could be a mix of social anxiety and AVPD running it's course but I don't know, all I know is that I am scared and very fearful of the future, of people, of being seeing in public, of messing up big time. + +Any words of encouragement or advice will help a lot. Thank you.",Volunteering,3 +614,,A migrant Avpd without any relationships!!!!,3 +615,"I suffer from a severe form of AvPD and after many years since I wanted this, last year with the help of my ex-girlfriend I succeeded to go to a psychologist and to the gym. It's was very difficult, but now I have 9 months when I am in therapy and 2 months when I go to gym. I know for normal people this a something normal, but for me was very difficult. + +Now I'm trying to get a driver license but I think will be very difficult because my sever anxiety :(",[24 M] After years and years I go to psychologist and gym,3 +616,,someone said something about AvPD relating to schizoid ¿can you elaborate?,3 +617,Gotta try and stay away from social media as much as possible today otherwise I'm sure I'll run into something either personal or general to send the depression spiraling. Hope you all have a good day.,Glad there's a Hallmark holiday to remind me of my perpetual loneliness :),3 +618,"I have found myself asking this alot recently. Over the last couple weeks i've been invited out a bunch by friends, and friends of friends. I went to a few of them, but am still ultimately confused on being included in so many plans because i often feel like i'm not that interesting of a person. Not that i don't enjoy being included, i do, but at a certain point i felt overloaded. Just wondering if anyone else has this phenomenon, or if maybe i'm something else in addition to being AvPD. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/112d8xr)","Asking myself ""why do people like me so much?""",3 +619,"My teacher already told me that it's impossible for me to continue the next semester. I already know that, but she told me it needs to come from the principal itself for confirmation. So we went to him just for the confirmation. Now the principal went on and on about me coming to him begging for a second chance... Which i didn't. I just went there for a confirmation. I already know they're not gonna give me a second chance. I didn't come there to beg. + +He then went on about how I don't really have anxiety, because if I do have anxiety, I would have found a way, apparently he knows because he has anxiety too. The thing is, I DON'T HAVE ANXIETY. AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER IS DIFFERENT FROM ANXIETY. He then said I'm just making excuses and I just got lazy. + +I'm not asking them for second chances, I know right from the start they are not gonna accept me anymore, but I don't appreciate them making fun of my shitty mental health. That's the thing with this disorder, we literally avoid things to the point where it affects our whole life. + +He was acting like i went to his office crying and kneeling down begging to give me a second chance, he said ""I know why you came here, to ask for a second chance"", when I literally just sat in front on his desk and agreed that they can't give me another chance. I wouldn't have come if I knew he was gonna make fun of my disorder. I only came because my teacher said it needed to come from him for it to be final. Now everyone thinks I'm just making shit up. It also doesn't help that my country doesn't have a GED. + +I wonder what their faces would look like if I killed myself? Wouldn't it be funny? They make fun of my mental illness and then the next day they get the news that I killed myself?","Went to school today to get a confirmation that I will be dropping out, principal scoffed at my situation.",3 +620,"[https://www.idrlabs.com/villain/test.php](https://www.idrlabs.com/villain/test.php) + +I'm curious how the other side of the coin looks in us.",Have you ever guys ever wondered...,3 +621,"I've struggled with mental/emotional problems pretty much all my life. Even as a young kid, I was very shy and anxious. That morphed into more severe problems as I became a teen/young adult. + +Now, at almost 30, I'm really frustrated because nothing gets better for me. Doctors keep trying to treat me for depression or anxiety or ADHD, which I do have problems with, but it seems like there are more fundamental, deeply set issues which go unaddressed. I've been interested in psychology since I was a teen, and there have been times where I've considered that I might have AvPD before forgetting about it, but recently I began researching this in earnest and pretty much every diagnostic criterion strongly fits me. It's kind of scary how well it describes me and how much the posts in this sub reflect my thoughts & experiences. + +Where should I go from here? How can I bring this up with my psych - or should I bring it up? Would getting a diagnosis be worth it?",What should I do if I strongly suspect AvPD?,3 +622,"(18F) just a disclaimer, I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet but I relate to AvPD in so many ways that I can’t dive into right now. I relate way more to AvPD than social anxiety but of course idk for sure. + +But anyway, I was wondering if people with just AvPD experience something like splitting (that occurs in BPD) after feeling like someone’s rejected them or criticised them. + +For example, I was having a job interview and the people interviewing me seemed really nice and I really really liked them, but as the interview went on I felt like their body language and tone of voice showed they were criticising and judging me. After I felt that, it’s like a switch flicked and I hated them. Absolutely hated them. I was so mad internally and all I could think of was how mean they were (even tho they literally didn’t do anything). I was so angry and I just wanted to break down and cry because I also hated myself too for embarrassing myself and looking weird and ruining my chance to get hired. + +Anyway, I got the job and I love them again and can’t even imagine ever hating them. This sort of thing happens to me all the time with almost everyone in my life and it’s so confusing!!! Except I thought it was only a BPD thing, or could it be a mix of both or complex PTSD?? + +Does anyone else experience this often too? + +(Also I’m seeing a therapist and psychiatrist really soon and I’m not self diagnosing)",Splitting (?) in AvPD??,3 +623,"So I've had this for a long time, but only now have I sort of grasped why I feel like this. + +Whenever I'm outside, and especially in closed off public transport like the subway, I'll feel like a creep because I just stare and analyze everyone and everything. The reality is that, when I get anxious I get hyperaware of everything and everyone around me, and when I start starting at strangers, analyzing every bit of their appearance/clothing/posture/etc, I start feeling like a creep. Only recently have I realized that the being hyperaware is where the feeling of being a creep comes from, vs just organically. With me being less anxious lately, I'm more able to just stare off into the distance and distract myself with my thoughts, and then suddenly I don't feel so inadequate/weird anymore. + +I know I've thought about this before, and even said it to someone that when my anxiety takes over I literally can't think of anything but the present situation. I'll literally start brainstorming ideas to think about so I can distract myself from what's in my face that second. + +Just felt like typing this out and sharing, maybe someone can relate. + +Much love",Feeling like a creep in public/on public transport,3 +624,"I manage to mess up over and over, always making people not like me very much. At least that's how it feels. I'm a very flawed person tbh, and not sure if I would have been this way if it wasn't for trauma/ mental illness but who knows. It just scares me that every time I open my mouth I risk saying something wrong and being hated. + +I don't know how to be 'correct', or say the right things and be liked. I'm just wrong, and have bad takes and am just stupid and don't know what I'm talking about and I should just shut up.",scared of my ability to hurt people/ make them hate me,3 +625,"I have a therapy session today and it basically determines my entire future. I’m 19 and currently studying, and my school is basically just for people in therapy. I couldn’t imagine going to a normal school at this point. +My therapist pretty much told me she’d stop seeing me if I didn’t show any improvement, and I told her that my life would be over if that happened. +I wasn’t trying to be dramatic, it’s just true. Not only would I be kicked out, but I also wouldn’t have a school to go to as I can’t function in a regular school setting. +I know very well that I haven’t shown any improvement since the last time we spoke and idk what to tell her when she asks me about it. +I’ve considered lying but I’m pretty shit a it. She’s quite terrible but It’s so difficult to switch therapists here that Idk what to do.",What to tell my therapist?,3 +626,"Not you guys, but everyone on the internet. + +What is wrong with people grieving publicly about things they have nothing to do with? Why are we encouraging and cheering on when someone posts in minute detail about how someone died? Why are they doing that in the first place?? It's YOUR loved one, what businesses does anyone else have with them?? + +And ten minutes ago, I found a picture on a subreddit someone posted of their ex boyfriend in the hospital... My heart wrenched. Why would you do that to them?? Wh... + +Is there something wrong with me?",Grief porn... What's wrong with you people??,3 +627,I wonder if that's the way we should be.,Will stoicism help us?,3 +628,"I'm diagnosed with AvPD and BPD, and my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. + +I'm 18 and up until about 6 months ago I was convinced I was completely unlovable. I didn't come from such a great home, and I was bullied for all of elementary school. All I've been told, for all my life, is that I am worthless, ugly, disgusting and just a horrible person. But then I met a guy that made me feel loved, like I deserved to be loved, for the first time in my life. + +We dated for 6 months, then he broke up with me, because I have a personality disorder. I never told him I'm diagnosed with AvPD and BPD, because even though he told me he would always love me, I was afraid that if he knew about my disorders he'd break up with me. Turns out I was right. Because I finally decided to tell him about a week ago, 2 days later he texted me and basically said that he wants to end this. He said he didn't want to be together with someone with borderline. I asked if I did something wrong, but he said he just didn't want the ""drama"". + +I know I didn't do anything wrong, I never did anything to hurt him. But just because I've been through shit he doesn't want to love me. The rational part of me knows he's being an asshole, but the BPD/AvPD part of me wants me to think that *I'm* the asshole. Was he right not to love me? Am I really that horrible? + +I don't know what to do. I feel completely worthless, no one will ever love me and I shouldn't ever leave my house again. I deserve this. I don't want to do this anymore.",My boyfriend broke up with me,3 +629,"In March Medical assistance in dying is opening up for people with conditions causing unbearable pain, physical or mental, they do not have to life threatening. + +[https://www.ontario.ca/page/medical-assistance-dying-and-end-life-decisions](https://www.ontario.ca/page/medical-assistance-dying-and-end-life-decisions) + +I've gone over this at least a hundred times, like tonight, even if I get approved they have a new 90 day minimum waiting period so it will be a while regardless. I have to time to think which leads to all fun ideas of Wiley coyote jumping off my balcony and hitting the concrete awning over the front entrance, 12 stories might kill ol' Wiley, maybe, or leave him in agonizing pain, wishing for death. Imagine holding that little sign up to the camera, but it's a little suicide note saying goodbye to no one. Haha + +But I'm pretty confident I'm going to get approved, I meet very criteria, I've tried all the required mental health options, counselling, therapy, community services, etc. I don't have any psychological supports, I am alone. That's more than half the reason I want to go, this condition, this brain, it makes it so I will always be alone. The loneliness, knowing you can never and never will escape, you'll avoid every chance you have. But the pain doesn't have to be forever, I don't have to keep suffering, and if I don't get approved jokes on them. I don't need approval to kill myself, I just know I'm going to fuck it up anyway. Ending up with my ankles snapped off, trying to crack my skull open on the concrete but too fucking weak to get the pressure. I couldn't do it if I tried, not because I don't want too. + +I want too, I want too so bad, that's why I'm applying for Maid, but I need to do it. But I will fail because I always fail. I'll avoid because i always avoid. I'll pity myself and feel bad and get fucked up and cry and hurt myself and tomorrow will happen and my credit card will get more maxed out and death will come knocking again saying TODAY IS THE DAY DO IT DO IT FUCKING DO IT PLEASE DO IT. Constantly. That's my brain, thousands of times a day screaming kill yourself. I love saying slit your wrists over and over again. Making tea, I should slip my fucking wrists, dum dum dum please slit your wrists. I don't even have a good knife, I just say it for some reason to myself. I'm way less scared of cutting that jumping, I am terrified of fucking that up. Damn Hamilton's and our slow trains lmao. That was the way I wanted to go when I was trying to do it as a teenager. The trains back home, damn they were fast, knock your fucking head off in one go. Instant. There were always Roses taped to the Red sign beside the opening. A lot of people had the same idea as me, so at least you know it works right! + +But you can always fuck it up, the fear that causes avoidance affects suicide too! I can't do it if I wanted to, just like everything else in life I want to do. So if I just need to get approved, get passed 90 days... ahh I'm fucked lmao. Where's the nearest train station haha",Does anyone know if AVPD would qualify for MAID in Canada when it opens to Mental Health conditions?,3 +630,"**tw; rape, sexual assault** + +i'm 23 and an ex-friend of mine is 24. three years ago i cut off our friendship. it was the closest relationship i've ever had, and i've never felt more connected to a person since. i think about him everyday. + +3 years ago my sister, who we'll call S accused him of raping her. but she didn't even. i had to confront her about it. + +according to my ex-friend, who we'll call F, they got really really drunk one night, and ended up having sex. one week or so after it happened F told me first. he said that S thought it was his imagination until he saw S had blocked him on every social media and he wasn't sure what happened. he thinks maybe she's guilty because S had a boyfriend at the time. he tells me to ask her what happened. i say, ""maybe she thinks it was non-consensual, since you were both inebriated?"" he says, ""that's possible"" he tells me she was asleep, he was in bed with her drinking and getting high (she had invited him into bed with her-she told me she felt he was a little brother and could trust him). + +he was drinking all night as she slept. when she woke up, they were both black out drunk. he doesn't remember who kissed who first, but that she ""initiated grinding"" and that something happened after that... it makes me sick thinking about it. after that night, he tells me my mother messaged him saying, ""never step foot into this house again. but OP needs you as a friend. so let's just promise to keep this between us."" he wasn't sure what that meant but was afraid of the worst. + +context matters. S was 30 years old. F was 20. she's a decently heavy drinker (by no means an alcoholic, but she can hold her liquor). he's literally autistic. does it sound like an imbalance? + +maybe more context matters. the people who checked in on them noticed that he was decently lucid last time they were seen together, while she was asleep, high and drunk. passed out? blacked out? he claims he was in the process of getting drunk as she slept. + +even more context. my family has a shaky moral foundation. they lie to get money, to get their way. they've made me do it even if i didn't want to. they don't care about anyone else except the family. but they'll even mess with family if it comes to it. + +my sister and mom planned to keep it from me. like i said, my mom thought I needed F so much that she was willing to keep it a family secret. + +and i keep thinking... if F was a monster, if F had such shaky grounds, if F cared about power, he would have played along with it. + +i know that monster's don't rape. people rape. but people also look out for themselves when they know they've fucked up. people are selfish. F didn't seem selfish to me. a self-aware rapist would have kept his mouth shut, right? + +why didn't he accept my mother's conditions and kept the family secret? he told me my friendship with him was his greatest source of happiness. he would've done anything to preserve it. why didn't he? and my family knew this friend meant so much to me that they were willing to keep my sister's rape a secret for my sake? if F was a monster, he would have taken the deal? but monster's don't rape. people do. + +F told me everything. he agreed that I should talk to S and get her side of the story. because he wasn't sure if he had raped her either. he didn't know. or was his game to play dumb? + +S told me that she only remembers flashes. ""he raped me"" she said after i asked. she starts crying. she says she woke up with bruised wrists. she woke up sore. she didn't look like she was lying. i don't think she was lying. + +and for three years i've been haunted by the idea. what if *truly,* he didn't think he had raped her? not in the way idiot monstrous men believe that drunk women can consent. me and F took consent extremely seriously. + +but what if *truly* they were *both* extremely drunk, and they lost control of their *both* their bodies, and that nothing could have possibly made sense except for an ugly truth? + +if there *were* a reality, where my friend was truly too drunk to rape someone and too drunk to give consent himself, but somehow ended up having sex with someone equally too drunk to not give consent, then what would that reality look like? because everyday i wake up and think, that reality looks frighteningly close to this one.",am i forever going to be haunted by my ex-friend?,3 +631,"I just had to get this off my chest. + +It's not that my father is perfect. + +And, while my mother has improved, throughout childhood, I was subject to feminization, neuroticism, and hysteria by my mother and 2 sisters. + +It is only now that I realize this. + +Just venting, sorry.","As a guy, I wish I was raised by my father instead of my mother.",3 +632,"If yes, what do you wish you had the money to do?",Do you guys wish you were rich(er)?,3 +633,"I'm pretty much completely alone. My family is mostly dead and the rest no contact. I'm f(42) divorced, no kids, and I just ended a three year post marriage relationship that was pretty toxic. + +I have two best friends since High School. We've known each other over 25 years and we used to be inseparable. (We all had family issues so we became our own family.) They both moved out of state at least 15 years ago so the majority of our friendship is on the phone and we maybe visit each other once or twice a year. + +My last relationship which lasted three years, really got in the way of our friendships. My boyfriend was so clingy I could never call my friends because he wouldn't leave me alone for a minute. (That's a whole other unhealthy issue I can't get into. Lol). But as an avoidant person it drove me crazy. Anytime I had the chance to be alone without my boyfriend the last thing I wanted to do was call my friends. I needed alone time. + +I did try to break up with him several times. He even moved out a few times but kept coming back. I finally broke up with him for good about six months ago. + +Anyway, I understand why they are reluctant to just go back to the way things were in our friendship. I don't blame them for being upset with me and I fully plan to try my best to make it up to them and I'm grateful that they are willing to talk to me at all but... I'm not sure I like them anymore. + +We've been friends for so long. I seriously don't have anyone else in my life and I am afraid I am just doing the avoidant thing and looking for reasons to write them out of my life. I've done that with everyone else in my life but these two always seemed special and I feel like we've known each other so long they are family and I want to always know them but they aren't really being good friends anymore. + +I know people grow apart and I admit that I am the one who stopped talking as much initially and like I said I was and am more than prepared to make up to them the fact that I haven't been around but honestly I wasn't around because I was in a toxic relationship and I told them that every time I did get a chance to talk to them. I talked about how I was stuck for financial reasons and covid and that I was losing my mind to never be alone and they didn't help me. They didn't encourage me to get out or give me advice they just got more and more distant and now that I am broken up they tell me this guy was bad for me but they wouldn't tell me that when we were together and that's what I needed to hear from them. Instead they just acted like they liked my bf and talked bad about both of us to each other. I hate to say but it almost feels like they were enjoying me being in a bad relationship. Maybe I'm just paranoid. + +They say they forgive me but they don't talk to me very much. One really doesn't call me or answer me and the other calls all the time but I'm not allowed to talk about my relationship at all. He has hung up on me twice for even mentioning it. I get that he doesn't like my ex but neither do I and I was in a toxic relationship for three years, I need to talk some of it through. I would never do that to them and god knows I have had to listen to some boring and/or stupid problems of theirs repeatedly over the years. Why can't they do that for me? + +I know people out grow each other. They have made new friends and I need to as well but it's hard for me because well, I have avpd. + +Ideally, I would like to keep them as friends and make new friends that understand more about the person I am now instead of the person I was in high school. But the part of me that pushes people away wants to push them out and I don't know what to do? + +Do they get to treat me bad because I wasn't as accessible to them for a while? I was never completely gone I just couldn't be there as much. Do they get points for being friends with me so long? Should I just over look it? + +Or am I right that they are being disrespectful by telling me what I can or can't talk about, hanging up on me if I mention something they don't like, talking to each other and excluding me even if they are talking about coming into town and staying with me even when they are not invited? I have to work and they are on vacation but please come stay at my house and expect me to drop everything to do what you want? (We never do what I want when they come to visit because I live here so I have to be on board to do everything they want to do.) + +I know it's a long story. There is a lot more to it too but am I blowing things out of proportion and prematurely ending my longest and only friendships ? Or has the time apart from them given me clarity to see who they really are which is bossy and disrespectful of me and I should just try and make new friends that don't judge me so harshly, like talking and listening to me, and actually live in my town? +TLDR: I have had a hard life and I want to stand up for myself. But it's leaving me completely alone. Am I cutting out my friends too quickly?",Old Friendships Past Due Date?,3 +634,"Have any of you become hikikomori because of the condition of avoiding personality disorder? +I personally do and I'm tired of being a hikikomori",Hikikomori condition,3 +635,I'm sure you've seen those doors with the warning signs that say it's not meant for customers at establishments. Socializing with avpd feels I'm walking into one of those employee only areas. That same sense of urgency knowing that I don't belong there and I need to get out before something bad happens..,socializing in public has the same feeling of walking into an employee only area in stores,3 +636,"I’ve struggled to find any kind of media where the protagonist specifically struggles with avoidance. I really enjoyed Amelie and resonated a lot with the character, but feel that she could more easily be seen as struggling with ASD, or even just extreme shyness/ introversion. + +I don’t know about anyone else, but seeing characters I identify with in films or in novels brings me a lot of comfort. It kind of brings awareness to those traits and humanises people, and has the ability to shift the audience’s perspective on those issues. Maybe if we had more coverage in the mainstream we wouldn’t feel as defective or alien. + +I’d love seeing an avoidant main character and having people really understand how severe this disorder can be and how overlooked it is. It could be painful, and raw, showing how damaging isolation can be yet how there appears to be no alternative. But it could also have light moments, and laugh-out-loud moments, and show how people suffering with this disorder have light inside them despite everything. + +I also think it’s important that the character be shown to be relatively attractive, intelligent, good work ethic etc. I think a large part (and maybe the most tragic) of this PD is that we view ourselves as less than we are. Almost like we have conditioned ourselves to not value anything about us, even if that value is present. I think people should see how the issue is deep rooted, and it’s not as simple as improving things like wealth, appearance or even social skills. + +I’m curious what other people think would be important to include in a film centred on a character with AvPD + +Also, this song would definitely make an appearance imo + +https://youtu.be/wDLA5ZFQLbs",I wish they made a film centred around an avoidant character,3 +637,,All the time,3 +638," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/1113eeq)",Do you read Books?,3 +639,"I've been in an episode of complete isolation for about 3yrs but doing my best to claw myself out. With a therapist's encouragement I reached out to the person I love more than anything, who I've been in love with for years, and she, full of grace and compassion, accepted me back. But she is in a relationship now. I told myself that this was likely, and that I would be okay with it, but I don't think I am. I feel sick to my stomach and haven't stopped crying. How can I be a good friend when it's so painful to talk to her, when all the advice says that to get over unrequited love you should distance yourself when that's exactly what I'm trying NOT to do? I can't hurt her again by distancing myself without explaining why, but I can't tell her how I feel because that would be disrespectful of her relationship. I've completely ruined everything, I deserve the pain I'm feeling but I still can't cope with it. It sounds like it's new. If I'd been able to reach out even a few months earlier, I might have been able to tell her. Now I feel like I've lost my one and only chance to be happy. I'm so selfish and stupid. I don't know what to do. I hate myself so much.",things change,3 +640,,To morbid?,3 +641,"leaving the house is so difficult because no matter where i am i can feel like every single person is staring at me and making fun of me or judging me. when i walk outside i can feel the stares from everyone in their cars. when im on a bus i can feel the eyes of every single person on the bus. even when i just get out of my house i feel like the whole neighbourhood is staring at me. i know ive been experiencing this for a long time. definitely since i was a teenager, i grew my hair out so that it can cover a lot of my face because i felt like people were doing that. my first memory of having anxiety i was 6 and i was late to school and was too afraid to walk in the class because everyone would look at me. it took me 10 mins just to walk in and then because of that my teacher yelled at me in front of the class. i would feel sick before presentations in elementary school and didnt know why. any kind of attention on me scares the living shit out of me. i dont know if this is avpd or not but it causes me so much distress. it doesnt help that i didnt leave my house for many years and was agoraphobic.",everyone stares and judges you,3 +642,"I don’t normally get sad around Valentines because I never really expected to have a relationship. But I guess because of getting some help from my therapist, my emotions around not dating etc. have been stirred up. +Sick of how normal it is for other people to date when it’s so hard for me. + +Anyways, just wanted to say- even if it’s a bad day for you: Happy (early) Valentine’s Day 💝💕💋",Valentines,3 +643,"if they miss work, if they’re late to an event, if someone or other is upset with them, some people don’t let that shit get them down. but for me it turns into a self-hating spiral of why I can’t function. + +do you relate to holding onto and beating yourself up for small personal failures? + +while I’m here, I have one other question. I notice my emotions and my reaction to my emotions is extremely dependent on my immediate environment. that is to say, I don’t take discomfort well at all. I don’t cope with thoughts like “it will be over soon” “next time won’t be so bad” because I can’t get myself out of the suffering of the here and now. for my life, this makes working hard, which makes money hard, which lends itself to the spiral of worthlessness. + +I abuse dissociative drugs for this reason, it’s the only possible way to escape the reality of the present, which is often uncomfortable. the dxm actually not only pulls me away but allows me to see things objectively, and see the beauty and humor in life, how small I am and how big everything else is, things like that. + +I don’t mean to derail, I know it’s not a drug sub. but so, do you find your emotions to be a direct reaction of the environment around you, so much so that you can’t avoid them, and spend much of your life actively suffering like me? + +sorry if this post is stupid, and if you do.",how are some people able to not care so much?,3 +644,"*please pick whichever option is closest to your daily average per week.* + +let me know in the comments if i should change the structure of the poll (add a 0-1 hour option, having 12-14 hour, etc.) mine is literally like 13 hours half the time, but i’m going to go ahead & assume you all are better than me lol. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/110vfs7)",what is your daily screen time?,3 +645,Edit: You've made your point.,I slut shame.,3 +646,,School for hikikomori kids,3 +647,,cheers to getting diagnosed,3 +648,"I think I like my life when I am alone. I am happy to be by myself, do my work and my chores, and I have hobbies that bring me joy. But it feels as if it all comes crashing down and a heavy sense of depression and grief hangs over me as soon as I'm reminded that other people do ""fun"" things together. I don't want to join them because most of the time having fun with friends isn't actually fun for me, but the feeling persists and can go on for days. I know it's silly to feel resentful of these other people and it makes me resentful towards myself as well. I just want to make it stop. + +Ex: driving my sister, who is still in high school, to hang out with her friends or go on dates. I'm only a year older than her and afterwards suddenly my existence is in a different focus and I remember that objectively it is very dreary that the most exciting thing I have done in a month is watching my spinach sprouts grow.",I can't tell if I'm jealous of other people,3 +649,"Hi, + +I'll start by saying I've been diagnosed with AvPD about 2 years ago, around the end of my military service, but it's something I've dealt with most of my teen life unknowingly and now as a 22 years old still. I'm seeing a therapist for the better part of 2 years now and it helps, mainly mentally, not physically yet as I'm not doing much, spending all my days at home, no friends no social life no nothing. I did get a job last week which I'm starting next week, 4 hours a day cleaning some school buildings 5 minutes from my house. + +But as the time goes I find myself daydreaming more and more about stuff I'd like to do like traveling the world and studying, I even got as far as signing up to university but ended up canceling it like 3 days before the semester started. Since then I'm daydreaming about traveling, going to south america or something.. + +Last week I said screw it and booked a ticket to Barcelona, for a trip with my mom and sister. I was very excited as I'm a big FC Barcelona fan for years, but as we all know, something has to go wrong. We're supposed to fly tomorrow and man this has been one of the worst days I had in the last couple of years. I feel like I just wanna disappear until Friday arrives when the trip is over. I feel like it's a task someone is commanding me to finish, and not something I ever wanted to do. It took me some time cause I usually keep to myself but shared it with my mom and sister, and now they're thinking whether they should cancel or go and they're waiting for my desicion. I also cried talking to my mom and told her many things that she didn't know like how I don't talk to my 2 friends anymore or how before I got this poor job, I was sending CV's and when people would call me I couldn't pick up the phone. I told her that I feel lonely even when I'm with them (my family), cause while they do make me feel good, they can't cover up for my non-existent social life. + +Seriously I feel like a mess, I roam around feeling down like I've never felt before I think. + +Just want to vent a little :)",hi,3 +650,"This movie is underrated. + +You need to watch it (at high speed if you like) in order to get what intergenerational psychological trauma does to people. + +https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Son_(2022_film) + +I know it has received poor ratings, but I think that's because most people don't get what it's about. + +It's available on the torrent sphere if you're interested in acquiring this movie in that fashion.",The Son (a movie),3 +651,"I really want to go to church. So bad. + +I have good memories of singing songs that lifted my spirit, and developing friendships with people both humble and gracious. + +But every week, I don't go. This week, if I can make it to the parking lot, I am rewarding myself with doughnuts. I am sorry if this is annoying, but I am struggling so much to do something that is important to me and I have not gone in 3 years.",Accountability Post,3 +652,"I dont think i am afraid of the rejection but about two other things: First one is that other guys could mock me for my feelings and use this against me. +And second is that if she does get to know me better she might loose interest as i am just not really good at this dating thing. + +Can you relate to that?",Not afraid of rejections but about others mocking me for my feelings can anybody relate?,3 +653,Stumbled over this and thought it would resonate lol,This is AVPD contained in a song,3 +654,,"For those who are diagnosed with AvDP, what was the diagnosis process like?",3 +655,,"Holy shit, this is real",3 +656,"Hey all, I’m really struggling at the moment and all I can think about is resigning from my role. I’m a social worker who provides therapy to children/adolescents with complex mental health difficulties. + +I’ve been working at the organisation for 11 months now and roughly a week ago I changed my workplace location to be closer to home. It’s the same service just a different location. Oh .. and I’m acting in a senior position at the new workplace as part of a six month secondment. + +I thought that starting fresh would make me feel more motivated and confident, however, I’m still feeling like an imposter, scared and worried about criticism. Extremely terrified of social interactions too. Just knowing I have to see clients and speak to them gives me major anxiety. I’m also on antidepressants and beta blockers which help a bit but I still dread the work that I have to do. + +All I keep thinking about is waking up in the morning, switching off my mobile phone and driving far away to a relaxing environment like a beach, pretending I have no responsibilities or cares in the world. I know that’s not possible though. + +If I did resign I would make sure never to find a therapy role again as it’s not something I’m too keen on and social interactions terrify me. Should I keep trying to work in spite of the anxiety I experience? I think I’ve given it a fair shot and I can’t take it anymore! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. thanks!",Want to resign from my job,3 +657,"I swear I’d be having a good day but if I ever feel like someone’s tone of voice is even slightly harsh it ruins the vibe for the whole day. This could be anybody random like the front desk or customer representative. They don’t necessarily say anything mean but their voice is choppy in response to my effort of trying to be animated and kind🥲 I know it’s not a big deal AT ALL and it might just be in my head; nothing personal. But my brain is just mean I guess. I subconsciously take everything personally and it’s really starting to harm me 😔 well, at least I recognized this pattern. I wish I could be as cold and distant as I appear on the outside. I envy people who are very level headed",Anyone else sensitive to tone of voice,3 +658,My 3 are Hammock Sinking inside yourself(saved my life)😊 Hammock procession/Love in the void&Hammock Dissonance❤️,What is your top 3 songs alltime?,3 +659,"Every time I play a skill based game with my husband, he kicks my ass. Growing up having my parents always telling me I'm intelligent and making a big deal of it, always getting good grades and whatever my ego takes such a huge hit when I lose again and again and again. I feel so stupid. + +I ended up asking him if he would walk me through his moves while we play chess so I can have clear examples of how to apply different strategies. It was maybe the most ashamed/pathetic I have ever felt. + +I feel a bit better now, but fuck I just want to be able to have fun with him. He's the only reason I want to try getting better.",Felt extremely pathetic earlier asking for my husband's help in learning how to play games,3 +660,,it's the little things in life that matters🐕😊,3 +661,"I had a guy cut in front of me and another woman at the self checkout line today. It made me feel ashamed- as if I seemed weak or pathetic or maybe just a woman- and that’s why he felt entitled to just do that as if he was sure I wouldn’t say anything. And I didn’t because I guess I didn’t feel angry enough to care. Anyone else experience shit like this? Wondering if you’re sending “I’m a doormat” vibes. Because in reality I avoid relationships because I’m strong enough to know I’d never want to be walked all over but too guilty to get into relationships that are really about my desires and boundaries. If that makes sense. +I avoid because I know I’m too scared to own who I am but I’m unwilling to be with other people and be co-dependent. So I’m alone. Stuck needing to figure out having the strength to let myself find the people that genuinely meet my needs. + + +The funny thing about this though is that when my time came to checkout i still got out of the self checkout faster than him even though we had the same amount of stuff",Entitled People,3 +662,"Yesterday i saw a post that a person asked if anyone here had improve on AvPD and asked for tips. Almost nobody answered, so i'll try again, because i really want to know any way to improve. Any tip/advice is valid: medicine, meditation, books, mindsets etc. :) +For me, what helped a lot was exercise (calistenics and running), remove toxic people out of my life, don't sleep too late, caffeine a lil bit, take care of my appareance, medicine and exposure.",What helps you get better?,3 +663,"I'm going through a horrible situation with my reproductive health. Until the point of having to get treatment for conceiving and all ,as my tests are showing I don't have much time left for postponing getting pregnant. The thing is that at 25 my recently diagnosed avpd has destroyed me. Even though, I have a career ,I'm financially stable and got to organize my life a bit. I don't have quality of life. I'm so anxious I can't even function worried about what the neighbors around my apartment might think of me. I still leave the house for going to work but sometimes I'm so freaking exhausted I cannot take care of myself. And I can't stop but wonder if becoming a parent would be a good idea for me or if it will be better to forget about it as I seem to be a person who doesn't fit into the scheme of a good parent. + +I used to dreamed about having babies back when i was younger but now i think that would be the most egotistical decision i could ever take,specially for a child that didn't ask to be born or have a trashy parent like me who cannot even go to the supermarket alone.",How do you feel about becoming a parent while having AvPD?,3 +664,"in general exceptionally good with words, audio comprehension, vocabulary, reading comprehension, writing, lyrics? also, anyone experience intense synesthesia with music? + +if so, what are your favorite artists? I have many",anyone else intensely connected to music and books?,3 +665,,"Do you know any exercises, worksheets or journal/book that could help with AvPD?",3 +666,"I'm trying to find podcasts for people who are late 20s or 30s and haven't really had much experience (work, career, dating, etc.) I keep trying podcasts and not relating because these people are confident and have done so much in their 20s and even their teens and are really confident...",Podcasts for avoidant people?,3 +667,,Childhood Trauma and the Brain,3 +668,"Is there any group in pune, India for avpd and social anxiety sufferers Like us, where we can all come together and discuss our problems? If not why don't we make it..",Social Group in Pune,3 +669," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10zyqye)",Do you comment on YouTube videos generally?,3 +670,"I’ve been on depression and anxiety meds but nothing has helped me stop being so afraid to be judged, rejected, overly sensitive. I self isolate and only go outside for shopping, to get a quick bite to eat. I made improvements in talking to employees of restaurants or at grocery stores, but I still have a fear of interacting with others and I’m always thinking about the chance of being judged and so keep to myself. My psychiatrist did recommend me to get some therapy. I just wanted to put this out there and see if it might be a possibility of me having this. Not asking for any diagnosis though.",I think I suffer form this.,3 +671,,I went out to dinner with my class tonight!!,3 +672,"Just out of curiosity, I wonder what age groups are most prominent on this sub. 0-19, 20-29, 30-39, 40-49, 50 and up. + +I can’t help but wonder if this age of technology caused this disorder to become so prominent. People seem to have lost the ability or have never learned how to socialize with our faces buried into a phone, computer, game, etc. + +Nobody communicates in person like in the past when people were forced to. If there was a function you had to show up to find out who was there. + +Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m curious. It just feels like technology has sadly created a world of introverts or has contributed to it. Anyone agree? 🧡",How old is everyone here?,3 +673,"I've decided to finally take action and try and get some kind of diagnosis so I'm not just relying on my internal monologue or the internet to deal with this thing. + +I tried therapy once in the past with a therapist who came highly recommended and it just didn't go great. After one too many ""what's the worst that could actually happen?"" questions, I just really felt like they didn't understand. This was before I had the term AVPD to explain. + +My question is this: How did you go about working with someone who actually understands the problem? + +My guess is I'm being a bit too in-my-head about this, but I just don't want to show up to a therapist like a hypochondriac who plugged their symptoms into WebMD and now is 100% sure of their condition. But I also get the impression AVPD isn't as common as some other personality disorders, so I want to find someone who will at least have familiarity with it. But nothing shows up when I search for therapists who specialize in it directly. Are there other umbrella terms that help when finding a therapist? Should I just focus on a depression/anxiety doc or maybe one who works with other PDs like BPD? Or am I way off base and plenty of therapists will understand and just had a bad match for my first go-around? + +Any suggestions or anecdotes for finding the right kind of help are welcome. Thanks in advance!",How did you get a therapist and/or an official diagnosis?,3 +674,"Have never been able to figure out if this is from my avpd or something else. It causes so much problems for me, especially for romantic relationships where I feel completely unworthy of love or affection if I don't meet the criteria I have in my mind + +Everytime I go out and socialize without meeting the criteria in my mind I end up thinking that people probably feel disgusted by having me around","I honestly feel like I'm undeserving of socialization unless I'm at my absolute best/""perfect"", so I end up only even trying when I feel like I meet the ""criteria""",3 +675,"I have to find a way to overcome this, because it's not working. I feel like my identity in this world is shy, introverted, loner. When I try to break the mold of both what I and other people view me as, I lowkey have an identity crisis. + +I think this is why I keep sabotaging my efforts to change, because I feel like avpd and being a sad sack of trauma is my identity and my place in this world.",sometimes I feel like avpd is my entire identity,3 +676,"I don't know why I'm writing this, Im just feel so anxious rn. I'm worrying about everything. I don't think any of this ends well for me. It's not getting better, it's just getting worse everyday. During the day I'm ok, but at night when I'm alone and have no distractions I feel scared and anxious. I realize I'm alone and I'll most likely always be alone. I can't be around people when I'm like this, I self isolate even harder when I'm hurting. There's a really bad feeling in my stomach rn, I feel so strange. I think there's something wrong with me. I'm not good enough in anything. I'm legitimately the worst human being to exist. Why tf am I still here, none of this ends well. I'm just so tired n even when I sleep I wake up tired. I wanna escape this, but I don't know how. I can't do this. I'm not worthy of existing. Fuckin hell I think about dying most days, but I don't want to. I really wanna live a happy life with people in it. But there's so much I can't control. My brain is always trying to fuck me over. It's life on impossible mode. Srry for the rant, I just don't know where else to dump all this.",Rising anxiety,3 +677,"(Confession) + +This is just something I want to get off my chest. I can't stand it. Well, I couldn't stand it in middle school, it's been 10 years since, but I'm starting to have the words for it. + +The 3 things that I wish I could just snap my fingers and get rid of. + +Jealousy: I am jealous of many people. Impersonally. I'm jealous of people who do things that make them cute, who do things that everyone enjoys and wish they could do for money, I'm jealous of people who speak naturally without any sort of impediment, especially those who entertain for a living, I'm jealous of people who are pretty. + +Hatred: Goes hand in hand with jealousy a lot of the time. I also hate pretty much everyone I'm jealous of and I want to wipe them out. I want to take everything they have. No, not just a single one, but all of them. Because all that's theirs is mine. I want everyone who doesn't fall to my wrath to be scared of me. To pray for my mercy. To spend every waking hour thanking me for letting them live. And that I can take everything they have with the snap of my fingers. + +Hesitation: I don't even know where to start. The world has told me everything has to be done in a way I don't know how to achieve.","Hatred, jealousy and hesitation.",3 +678,"Fear is one. It's, in my opinion, the worst motivator. It's like cocaine. Or alcohol. + +Love is another. Pride. Is hope one? + +What do you guys think is the best emotion to nurture and guide yourself by in the **very** long term?",What do you guys think is the best motivator?,3 +679,"I've been made redundant from my last 3 jobs, the last one being extremely traumatic. I've had many extremely close friendships end. I was abused and bullied my entire childhood by peers and family. Now, I can barely look people in the eye and can't say hello or respond to small talk in work environments because it induces so much anxiety about being hated and misunderstood. I avoid texting/responding to messages because people used to say I was annoying and replied too much. If we're looking at the evidence, everything points to me being a fundamentally unlikeable and hated person. I used to be fantastic at short bursts of social interactions, but smoked cannabis non stop to be able to do so. People liked my stoned/drunk persona more than sober me, and now that I'm sober I feel utterly terrified of interacting with anyone. I can't even answer the door for food deliveries. + +I need a job to be able to afford medical treatment, but I always get stuck at the cover letter aspect because I feel like as soon as people get to know me, they start to hate me. Most of my work experience has been in customer service or sales based roles, but I hated every role I've ever done. I dedicated my academic years to studying medicine and law but had to drop out of uni to heal some trauma and I haven't returned since. + +I don't know what to do. I feel so alone and stuck and my rejection sensitivity is through the roof. I'm so ashamed of my failures and obvious shortcomings that it feels impossible to try to sell myself to a job.",I think my social phobia is causing my job hunt procrastination,3 +680,Do anyone else have trouble feeling happy for other ppl? Like I feel jealous usually but it don't feel good being unhappy all the time. I guess I shouldn't blame my self for this tho(I hope) bc there shouldn't be anything wrong with feeling but idk.,Jealousy,3 +681,,😅🤣,3 +682,,Can anyone else relate??,3 +683,"i’ve been in and out of therapy since i was 13. that’s half my life. i’ve seen psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and counsellors; i’ve been through CBT, DBT, goal focused therapy, grief therapy. i’ve been on so many medications. i’ve never been (allowed myself to become) unstable enough to be hospitalized, and i’ve been able to be the bare minimum functional and composed enough to fly under the radar of more intense interventions. + +when it comes to therapy i have a severe problem with trusting my therapists, failing to disclose what i really need help with, struggling to express my true thoughts, worrying excessively about judgement and criticism, and leaving therapy after the initial hope of “this one will be what helps” dies out (likely because of aforementioned problems). in march 2020 i was diagnosed with bpd but for reasons (it was march 2020) i never got it addressed, but now that i have insurance that covers most of the cost of sessions, i want to try again. i’m paying some out of my own pocket too and i don’t know if it’s even worth it due to my history with therapy — i sent in a general inquiry to a private office close to me and they referred me to a male therapist, which terrifies me as i’ve only had female therapists before, and who uses a different approach (psychodynamic therapy), which is again — fucking terrifying. + +i want to ghost and just not do this so badly and i’m just fighting against myself, arranging two (2) emails is exhausting and fucking nerve-wracking, and i don’t even know if this is going to go anywhere. i don’t even know if im asking for advice or just venting, but thanks for reading anyway",therapy with avpd — does it even work?,3 +684,"I feel like part of the reason I go out of my way not to make friends or date is because I have to protect them from myself. +Like, I put myself in their shoes and think “I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like me”, so I feel like I’m keeping them from being annoyed at best, or abused at worst. +I know, logically, that I’m not abusive. But I can’t shake this image of myself as an abusive monster. +This week I hurt someone’s feelings via miscommunication and it felt like, wow, I actually am evil and I’m validated in closing myself off to everyone. +It is so frustrating. I want to not be this way so badly.","DAE feel like a monster, constantly",3 +685,"What I find bizarre is that I never seem to easily recall all the positive feedback I've received. + +Instead, I focus on the negative feedback that occurred way before then. + +As someone pointed out, this is a glaring example of AvPD. + +Many of us never felt emotionally secure as children, which led to our insecure attachment styles and avoidant personalities. + +I'm trying to take radical responsibility in order to address all of my issues now, though.","In the past, people have commented on how I make them feel like they can open up to me and that I am ""natural"".",3 +686,Cigarette smoke I find gross but some of these new vape things smell quite nice and fruity and I'm somewhat intrigued about it. Just wondering if anyone does it and whether it's helped or hurt their ability to cope with this curse.,Those that smoke or vape. Does it help/hurt?,3 +687,"Everything something bad happens, or I embarrass myself, or make someone mad, etc. I'm not able to get over it, so there are just more and more memories that give me cringe attacks. + +If anyone has any tips on how to deal with these cringe attacks, do let me know",Can't get over anything so the memories just build up,3 +688,"Honestly don't know where to go from here. Existence is completely wasted on me. I have group-oriented activities I want to join, yet I just can't do it...I can't even risk social rejection or ridicule. + +I'm currently in Thailand on a six-week trip with my partner and child. While that sentence doesn't exactly sound like it puts me in the category of avoidant personality disorder, I am one of the most avoidant people on Earth. + +I spent three years at university and only ever talked to about four people, none of whom I developed friendships with. I've spent my entire adult life working remotely alone at home so that I can avoid any work environment that requires socializing. Even my relationship is pretty low-quality; we don't exactly sit down and have lengthy interesting conversations every day. + +But perhaps even worse still, there are various group-oriented activities I'd love to try that would bring value to my life, and I can't at all bring myself to do them. One example is muay Thai. I signed up for a class yesterday, arrived at the gym, and turned back at the entrance. This has happened several times. And it's a consistent theme in my adult life, whether the activity is a martial art, soccer, or a hiking meetup. + +Basically, I can't show up for my own life and do the activities that I value. I'm not really living and never really have. I'm now 32 years old FFS, close to middle-aged. I'm almost certain I'll be dead before 35...what a waste of a human I am.",Can't even show up for my own life and do the activities I wanna do.,3 +689,,Medicine for weary minds🐕🌞,3 +690,"edit: Wow. So apparently screen addiction is tied in closely. + +85/100. + +I've been addicted to any screen I could get my hands on since I was about five. + +In middle school and until right now... So, for about 12 years, I've felt like it gives me comfort and keeps me flowing. It never really mattered to me how complex or primitive the device was, I was glued to it. + +Now, I'm starting to hate it. I don't want it to feel comfortable anymore.","On a scale from 1 to 100, how addicted are you to your phone and/or computer?",3 +691,"Hello, I wonder. How many people on this subreddit are diagnosed with avpd. In my case it started with social anxiety 20 years ago. Tried a lot of things, nothing helped me so I gave up. I was on healthcare all that time. I still am. +My untreated social anxiety evolved in all these years into avpd. Just a question.. Cause when I hear my friends say.. I have anxiety also.. But they're having a normal life. It's tiring hearing and reading such things. It feels like no one understands what it really is... having avpd. +For me it started long time ago after having meningitis. Now, after 20 years looking for answers this is upsetting to hear. My doc never told anything about it. He was my doc since I was a kid. This makes me mad. He ignored all these things. He knew everything about me but never made the connection with meningitis. My mental state when I left the hospitral, the trauma...he ignored it all. I'm hearing this fromy parents know. How traumatized I was. My doc blamed me when I was using things trying to handle my anxiety and depression. Judging me for everything. I'm discovering this all now, 30 years later. It's a shame. He's total ignorent. Not my doc anymore but i wanted to send a e mail to him.. Wanting answers...cause discovering this now is making me mad at my doc that knew me for 30 years. No one ever made the connection with meningitis. It wasn't written in any report. When I was reading story's of other people..I felt guilt. Thinking... But my youth was good... I'm just a crybaby.. Wanting attention. Finally 30 years later i'm getting answers. Way to late. If i have knew this decades ago.. My psychiatrists, therapist.. My life would be maybe different now. My new doc and psychiatrist are saying this...why didnt anyone knew about this. They don't understand. Maybe times have changed. But it makes me made inside.",Just a question.,3 +692,"I am 24M and have never experienced anything of the romantic kind, not even crushes. I lost my teenage years due to isolation which is usually when people get introduced to this stuff. I've never even had female friends except some cousins. + +I live in a culture where arranged marriages are the norm. I'm nearing the age when talk about marriage becomes more serious, especially for women. But I don't see myself ever getting married. I'll probably KMS before 30. + +It feels like I will miss out on this part of the human experience because I'm so insecure around women. I saw a post that summarised how I feel perfectly: + +>I have trouble talking to women, in fact I can't even make eye contact with them, especially if I find them even a little attractive. I'm scared they'll think I like them and then they'll hate that someone as disgusting as me could like them. + +I know that going into a relationship won't fix me but it's so gut wrenching knowing that you don't have the skills or prospects that can make it possible. It's stopping me from even trying to make friends with women, IF they think I like them they'll probably be disgusted by me. (Even though I'm scared to even let myself think that I might like someone) + +I know that I should try to make friends with women first, but I'm afraid they might label me a creep sensing my inexperience with talking to women (let alone having female friends or a relationship). It's like I carry this secret with me like a badge of shame and I automatically defer any action about this to prevent myself from the humiliation that will result from it. + +Is there anyone out here who knows what this is like?",Having no romantic relationships or prospects for one is eating away at me,3 +693,"What's with people calling you out and putting your mannerisms on the spot? People I know make comments on my body movements or how I talk and it pisses me off + +""You eat so little, like a cat"", ""why do you take such small bites?"", ""how you hold your phone looks funny"", ""why do you shake your legs?"", ""Why do you talk like that?"", ""Why do you laugh like that?"". Or imitating how I walk, talk, or move to be ""funny"". I don't get how it's funny + +It makes me insecure about every little thing I do. I noticed how they don't do this to other people that often, it's mostly me. I sometimes end up being really stiff and monotone because I feel like I'm going to be called out for EVERY little thing I do",no wonder i over monitor myself,3 +694,"I made a mistake on an incident report for a client I work with and instead of a supervisor bringing it up with me in person she brought it up in a virtual clinic wide meeting in front of 50+ people. + +I had to turn off my camera so I could cry. I hate myself for not being good at any kind of work. For working a job that makes no money so I am stuck at my parents house. I hate myself.",mortified,3 +695,"Not the social part, that's an easy one, but the school part. + +Personally, I think nothing good came out of it, only harm. The only good things were deviations from standard school practice. + +I don't want to imply that you have to feel a certain way about it, so I'll just let you guys tell me how you felt about it. Some points of focus: clasroom seating, standardized testing and grading, a universal format for all homework and assignments, disciplining, things that are forbidden in school, etc.",Does anyone else hate/has anyone else hated school?,3 +696,,Me,3 +697,https://youtu.be/6Wk7XDrsWyY,Hope u have a great weekend😊Left a link to a treat enjoy❤️,3 +698,"As someone who has high-functioning anxiety and AVPD, I really found it hard to develop relationships and take them to the next level. I never had problems talking to strangers, and I was just able to easily go about my day unless I am met with familiar faces. I still study at a university and I've tried to invest more effort in socialising, but to no surprise I wasn't making any progress despite exerting more of my resources for 6 months straight. + +I thought I was at a dead end. So I just gave up. I turned into this half-dead human who didn't give a fuck about anyone anymore. It felt good for a few weeks, but all throughout those days I had this lingering feeling that whatever the hell I was doing was wrong. My rebellious phase eventually ended, but I was still tired of trying to socialise. + +Ladies and gentlemen, if I asked you what your next step here is, what would it be? + +You see, us AVPD folks are subconsciously feeling guilty and ashamed of ourselves because we *assume* and *feel* like we are not enough for the people we want to build relationships with. Take my advice and: + +***Let us be and feel human for a change. Everyone is imperfect, so don't put up a face or please people, because you are enough.*** + +Humbling myself was the first thing I did. As I was burnt-out from even trying to socialise, I stayed put, and just became me for a change, I committed whenever I felt like it. There is no secret code, no secret formula, no secret anything to socialising; you just experience the moment and live life at the present. Take good example from your childhood brain, where times where simpler because we still had no idea of the norms and society's symbols. **If you humble yourself, and accept, and approach every situation with humility and nonchalance, you will find peace**, this is the power of kindness, this is where the healing process of ""loving"" and ""respecting"" yourself begins. + +Going back to my story, for the first time ever in 7 years, I felt peace. Peace with everything. I don't want to forcefully strive myself to socialise with my peers because that is fake shit. Be of no responsibility. Do take note that I've seen big improvements in building relationships! Of course I was committing from time to time, whenever I felt like it. + +So ladies and gents, don't try to divert the river of life, because the water will deliver you to where you need to go. + +Feel free to DM me if you want more about how I remedied my AVPD. Peace!",This is how I took care of my AVPD,3 +699,"Sometimes for no apparent reason, I just feel constantly guilty and ashamed of myself, idek why it’s just a constant feeling in my chest",Does anyone else feel this constant feeling of guilt and shame?,3 +700,,Yeah,3 +701,"I recently got diagnosed with AvPD (after probably struggling with it for 8 years), I thought downloading reddit would give me some kind of comfort as there are communities on certain topics on here that are easily accessible, but as I’m reading through posts, I have zero desire to comment on anything or make any connection at all and exited the app with the thought of probably never replying to anything, which is the irony of it all. But I do wanna let you know of my existence, I will probably not ask questions or share details of my disorder, but I still exist and I still have a voice and fingers to type. I’m real even if it sometimes doesn’t feel that way. Thanks for reading..",the irony of it all,3 +702,"also, can you mention what parts it suppresses? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10ys758)",Do avpd make you deny or suppress parts of yourself?,3 +703,Does anybody else create fantasy scenarios in their head in which you’re socially active/well-liked? I have daydreams near-constantly about doing stuff with friends that don’t exist. One of my weird coping mechanisms.,Imaginary Friends?,3 +704,"For me, I hate being misconceived. To others I probably come off as dry, absent, air headed idk. Giving 'npc' energy. But I know I'm alot more than that but I just can't show it :(",What is one thing you dislike about having AvPD?,3 +705,"Next time you cringe over some embarrassing moment you had years ago try to remember other people's embarrassing moments. You can't, can you? The same applies to other people.",Anxiety tip,3 +706,"I have no college degree, a grandiose attitude, and a pocket of sunshine up my ass. + +Ask me anything, I'll see if I can help you too. 😁",I'm trying to lead the forefront on treatment of NPD,3 +707,"Now that I think about it, probably even more. Social anxiety’s a bitch but what really gets to me is how I’ll tear myself apart afterwards. I can’t let myself forgive or forget even the slightest fuck ups. Every stutter, wrong word choice, thinking I said something mean or dumb, etc. It doesn’t matter if I did perfectly fine, I’ll find something to criticize. I tell myself I’m an idiot, that I’m inferior, that whoever I was talking to would be better off if I said nothing, or if I wasn’t alive. + +I know that these are normal things, that people don’t remember and (usually) don’t judge but I can’t get it through my fucking head. I’ve spent my entire life being mean to myself, my inner critic is ruthless. Anyone else feel this way? Self compassion is completely foreign to me🥲","I’m afraid of what others think of me when socializing, but I’m just as scared of how I’ll judge myself",3 +708,Because of my avoidance and social anxiety I’ve used the internet more and more to scroll instagram and reddit and just waste time. It’s like being social without any of the stress of socializing. But it’s not good for my mental health long term and worsens my ocd. Anyone found any tricks or tips to get off of it. It sucks cause socializing irl is obviously the best solution but that’s not that easy with avoidance and anxiety,Does anyone else struggle with internet addiction? Have you found anything to help with it,3 +709,"My job is at a very fast paced restaurant with a large amount of staff. I work hard because of the pain of being clearly the only one who hasn’t formed any friendships. I think my coworkers are great people and there are so many but I can’t hold a conversation with anyone. It’s even worse if I liked them when I first met them. There are specific shifts I want more of because I like the work better but in those situations I feel bad for whoever has to work around my quiet self. And When I speak I sound confident but I can’t have conversations per se. People thought I was normal for maybe a few weeks and then gave up. +Im not being mistreated, but it’s lonely. I’m 28 and age 27 was the last year I was able to form relationships. I have a bf now but I know that when he leaves me eventually I’ll never be able to start anything over. Feels bad man",Dae have a job where they are around a lot of people?,3 +710,"They're acting like we're just doing this to be lazy. It's not our fault our brains are like this. My birth giver is nagging and cussing me out for not going to school, I understand that this could be frustrating for a parent, but I already told her about my problem with going to school, I risked that knowing that she's narcissistic and judgemental, but even after all the explanations, she still thinks going to school for me is easy. She then goes on to say ""kids these days are so onion skinned"" (which means someone who has shallow tears) and then goes on and say ""I didn't spoil you kids"". + +Didn't it ever occur to her that maybe I'm like this because she abused us as children? That she screams at us every chance she gets? That she didn't treat us with respect and neglected us? + +It's not just ""kids these days"", people have been battling with mental health for hundreds of years, it's just ""popular"" now because people actually value mental health now and are seeking for help. + +It's so funny because she acts so caring and worried when talking to my teacher, but then acts so judgemental and close minded when talking to me.",People don't take this disorder seriously enough.,3 +711,"Is this something new to our generation (gen z)? Or milennials? Or has it always been a thing? + +Why does everyone feel like they are experts in what everyone else should do? Especially when something bad happens. And most of the time, it's something vague or obvious. + +""Break the cycle"" ""You know better than this"" ""Just be grateful for what you have"" ""Live in the present"" ""Use the resources you've been given"" ""Make something of yourself, anything, but don't let your life go to waste"". + +And every single time, they're very fucking happy with themselves. NOTHING MORE TO SAY HERE. \*Wipes hands\* + +It's the worst part when it comes from someone you consider a friend. Personally, I'd expect friends to know how shit the world is and not give arrogant, vague and/or obvious advice. Why does EVERYONE do this nowadays? + +Why is it so hard for you to just shut up and listen to what someone has to say? No one does that. Ever.",Have people always been experts in giving advice?,3 +712,"This is a difficult topic to discuss but I'm genuinely curious as to if/how others have done this and what impact it has had on their lives. + +The kind of acceptance I'm talking about isn't just an intellectual acknowledgement of having issues. For a long time, for example, I could say to myself that I'm depressed, anxious, and struggling to succeed in life, at least by metrics of the culture that I reside in. That's relatively easy to do. + +What I'm speaking of is a shift in perspective where you allow yourself to be disabled and accept living life very differently than what is expected. In doing so, you effectively turn off the mechanism that activates masking, which exposes vulnerabilities, and just say ""F it, I'll deal with the consequences"". + +This means that: + +1) You accept that you'll be targeted by others, misunderstood, and often viewed as low status, because generally people aren't very understanding of problems that aren't obvious, like a physical disability. +2) You accept that you're not likely to be appealing/attractive to potential or existing romantic interests. This is particularly salient to men, who are selected for traits that showcase an ability to provide. +3) You accept that you'll need emotional, financial and/or vocational assistance for the remainder of your adult years. As such, you must let go of a desire for a fully independent lifestyle. +4) You accept that, in all likelihood, what you have to say won't hold much value to others outside of a supportive setting. Maybe you didn't have much to say anyways. +5) You accept a humility of attitude and position. You are no longer competing with others in the rat race, at least not directly, and have no need to get ahead.. and.. +6) You accept that you weren't motivated to do so to begin with. Moving mountains around just isn't your thing. + +An image comes to mind of a disheveled man holding a sign on the street corner. I imagine there's no pride left to speak of in someone like that. Just acceptance that the world isn't meant for some kinds of people. + +I know this sounds depressing but this is where I'm at in considering how to proceed with my life. It feels as though I'm flailing around, grabbing at the air helplessly, in some futile effort to grasp on to an ideal of something I'm not.. a normal, self-sufficient person. + +Just to be clear, I don't want to be homeless. I'd hope to do just enough to avoid that. But what this level of acceptance implies is a sense of freedom to be myself, as I am in the present moment, without fighting it. + +The idea here is to do something radically different to change my outlook and ease the stress that I'm experiencing. I would guess others here can relate to that stress, which is the definition of AvPD. + +So, has anyone taken this journey and would be willing to share some wisdom? Is this kind of acceptance a good idea? + +Or does anyone want to share their thoughts, generally? + +*It's important to add that this isn't a great idea for young folks. This is something you would consider later on, after having tried and tried again.",Acceptance,3 +713,"I'm doing CBT and my therapist always asks me what I'm thinking and all I can say is ""I don't know"" because my mind always goes blank. I can't articulate my emotions either and don't even know what I want in life. + +Today we did an exercise where I was supposed to have a ""conversation"" between my ""critical voice"" and my ""confident voice"". I told her I'm extremely uncomfortable doing it and she said it's fine we don't have to but I wanted to try it anyways. I could think of hundreds of things I hate about myself but not a single thing I liked about myself. It was so awkward sitting there and not saying a positive thing. My therapist even asked me if I'm having any suicidal thoughts afterwards, that's how bad I must have looked. When I looked in her eyes she seemed clueless, like she's never seen anyone that bad and has no idea how to help me. + +I don't believe my problems are something I can fix by just changing the way I think about myself. I am not an interesting person. I'm not an attractive person. I just feel like there's nothing of value about me and people find me repulsive.",I'm literally too awkward for therapy,3 +714,,don't cry don't cry,3 +715,"what did you guys get? (if you have taken the test). I bet a lot of ppl here will get >!king!< , I wanted/expected >!poet!< but I got that instead (the description feels like a personal attack lol) + +Here's the link if anyone wants : https://uquiz.com/quiz/MYLbZ3/are-you-a-soldier-a-poet-or-a-king","Soldier, Poet, King",3 +716,"i just want to sleep but i never feel rested and recovered + + +i really want to make music but im only motivated around others -- i have some intrinsic motivation such as to make music but i keep getting discouraged to the utmost point by a lot of stuff -- dreaming of playing at festivals and having fun with people and then feeling like its just an impossible task to even try to start + + +and to mention transgender trauma, its just not easy to interact with others and its always this doom and gloom there is no time wasted time feeling of society and its machine of productivity. i like being productive, but i hate the pressure. and if i dont feel motivated, pressure is the alternative response. kind and caring encouragement gives me space to debate when people dont want to debate it, which kindof makes sense + + +my point is im sad. i can't live in a 2D world IRL where i dont get misgendered, and using the internet just to feel a sense of alleviation from dysphoria is fake because anyone can fake anything on the internet, i wanted it to feel real as i could and i lost my insurance this is giving me a headache. + + +I didn't want to BE ""X"" i wanted to replace my y chromosome end of story",DAE have depressive-zero motivation to do anything when alone,3 +717,Moving out and away from people who have made you feel like shit. Just wondering if moving out has made anyone feel a bit better about things?,Does anyone feel a bit better after moving out?,3 +718,"So it’s been getting harder for me to keep a job. I’m still trying as hard as I can, I don’t wanna been seen as weak for not being able to keep a job. But it’s 2 things I do very well and that’s sing, and make beats . Do you think someone with avpd have a chance in the music industry? If I do the singing I know my anxiety would be crazy if I had to perform but I really have a passion for singing.",Do you think someone with avpd have a chance in the music industry?,3 +719,Anybody else start sweating like a whore in church on Sunday when dealing with ppl?,sweating,3 +720,"I wanna know how other people with AvPD are when you like someone/have a crush? + +Personally I find it very painful. I wonder if I feel too strongly, the feeling is intense and I don’t know how normal that is. Not talking to the person I like feels more painful than it should be. Maybe it’s an AvPD thing? I’ve heard it can be like this for people with BPD. I have several BPD traits and I’m not too sure how it works, but maybe that’s why I feel like this?",Liking someone,3 +721,"I’ve been seeing a guy for the last year and he has Avpd. Theres times where he will completely isolate and go no contact which I understand is only him trying protect himself. +I just try my best to be patient and there for him when he is ready to reconnect. + +I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how I could support him and possibly ease any suffering he may be going through. + +I love him beyond words but I don’t want to cause anymore discomfort than he may already be going through. + +Thanks heaps everyone",What are good ways to support my AVPD partner?,3 +722,"talking to someone and only hearing a voice, or getting phone calls from an unknown number, is exciting and terrifying? ( like, i already hate my voice --mtf trans pre-op pre-voiceTraining and interacting is a mess due to trauma and needing to be all these defaults that im not just to get along which isnt even true im just too afraid to be myself but i often lose that but whatever that's not the point) + + +people only want to interact in phone calls like hey there's letters theres email theres texting there are nicer ways to interact. but then again i just hate my face and voice which kinda makes both phone calls and real life really painful but at least im more used to real life despite the trauma",Phone calls are a fundamentally scary unknown way of interacting and it gives me anxiety on that basis,3 +723,"This might sound really weird, as I've never heard about it here or anywhere else, but I've noticed that when I make a mental effort, especially to learn something new, I seem to change my personality and I can't laugh , I get ""surly"", my mood gets worse. Also, I get hypervigilant when I see people on the street, I look at them as if I've seen something scary. If I don't study for a week, my symptoms improve a lot and I become more sociable and relaxed. ps: Studying means being focused for a period of time on trying to absorb some content well, as mathematics or philosophy, for example. I know that everything I said may sound meaningless or strange , but can someone enlighten me or give me some tips? Thank you very much in advance.",studying makes my AvPD symptoms worse.,3 +724,"I believe some days ago there was a post about being tired of importance of communication skills in life. Now, there's kinda similar issue but with the pace that everything's is going with. Just my personal experience, I am not speaking for everyone. So, last year I quit college cus I couldn't bear stress and deadlines. I was pretty slow to understand and do things that was required, professors (or whatever they're called, sry not sure) were pressuring us a lot with all that and so on. I have a job as a stocker now but in about month or so I have to think about other options for studying (colleges/universities, just some other field), and that honestly makes my stomach twist. It's not about what I want, it's about how it'll all go. I'd love to spend my time studying art but I am so afraid of the process. When I think about it, I can imagine only flaws and mistakes I'd make. There would be so much things to learn and practice but so little time to do all that. And now to the title. I hate that everything must be spinning crazy like that. If you want to study, you must be catching up quickly, otherwise it's immediately your one big ass problem and no one is willing to help you with that. It'd so damn cool if there was any way to get education on your own pace, so you have enough time for everything. I know it's only in my dreams but I can't stop thinking about it. I am so slow because my brain is so fried after all these years fighting this plague. I don't know, maybe it's just me and I am that broken but it's really so sad that I can't normally go towards my dreams. And those fears aren't even irrational, same shit happened year ago and I know myself so damn well it couldn't be any way around. Sorry for such long bullshit vent, I had to get it off my chest",Going at your own pace,3 +725,"I was already thinking about breaking up with him just because AvPD made it too painful and scary to be in a relationship even when he didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, but it’s still gut-wrenching. I’m not necessarily heartbroken, I just feel like shit because his reasoning boiled down to “I get you have AvPD and you can’t help it, but it’s your fault this isn’t working out”. He was sick of me constantly ghosting him, never directly communicating or confronting him about anything, and he called me childish for being unable to have a difficult conversation like an adult. + +I already feel guilty enough about the way AvPD makes me act without someone I thought was understanding telling me exactly all the ways I ruined this for him, all of which just so happen to be things I already constantly worry are reasons people avoid or despise me. In situations like this, people usually say some shit like “it’s not you it’s me” or go easy on you, right? + +Not to mention, one of his reasons was that I was ghosting him while I have been in animation crunch on a tight deadline so I genuinely didn’t have the time or energy to even read messages whatsoever let alone respond, which feels like maybe he should’ve been a tiny bit more understanding of, but in terms of the big picture, I guess I understand. + +It still feels like shit though. I’ve never been broken up with before, and even though I wanted out since the week he first confessed to me, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get over this that easy just because he wanted me to know I was the bad boyfriend and everything I was insecure about, I have every right to hate myself for. + +EDIT: After I panic-blocked him on all social media, he is now anonymously harassing me on Tumblr to confront me about it and generally being very childish and kinda fucked up and creepy, so. Maybe I dodged a bullet, actually.",Boyfriend broke up with me over my AvPD,3 +726,I'm so insanely hedonistic. I can't do anything that doesn't give me instant gratification. I quit every single thing in life that didn't give me instant pleasure. I can't see myself ever achieving things that I want from life. It feels like I would need to become a completely different person if I wanted to get what I want from life. There's times when I think that maybe the best thing I could do is to accept myself as I'm and that I should just give up on trying to change things.,Hedonistic,3 +727,"Hi, has anyone with this disorder done military service before? I feel like the best times for my mental state and relationships with others have been when I've been forced to do things together and have a very regimented schedule, and I don't think my current occupation is tenable for much longer. I have a graduate degree in engineering - so I was thinking perhaps trying to become an officer, although I'm not so confident in my leadership ability. Perhaps for a support role, such as intelligence or a pilot, or some other more specialized service? I guess as a bonus I've done a lot of mil-sim activities and hobbies throughout my life so far, and I don't really have any relationships or people (except my distant parents) to tie me down to a specific location. + +I'm not taking any medication, and although I've brought up this disorder to my psychiatrist I haven't received an official diagnosis one way or the other as it's not their policy to ""label"" patients.",AvPD in the Military?,3 +728,Maybe I just didn’t develop a self-esteem high enough to be able to relate to that.,Social media is so weird sometimes. I just don’t get the “I’m gonna post a picture of my face and I want you to like it.”,3 +729,"Just want to see if there's any correlation/link or if any types are more/less common here :) + +Mine is infj!",What is your MBTI type?,3 +730,"Do you have a certain regimen? Are you taking meds? Going to therapy? I'm suddenly feeling motivated to do something good for me and put my energy into my personal growth after neglecting it the last year or so.. i just don't know where to start yet.. any suggestions? I already made an appointment with my psychologist, I am willing to take meds again and to start working out!",what are you doing to help your AvPD?,3 +731,"Until I started reading about psychology and watching videos about it, I don't think I understood myself or other people thoroughly. + +I wish I had done this 20 years ago. + +Because, well, school doesn't teach you this AND my parents didn't teach me this at all. They provided but they didn't truly parent me. They were mainly focused on their own emotional needs without knowing it.",Failing to understand the true logic behind social interactions and relationships.,3 +732,"Hey y’all. I’m currently in 3rd year university in science and although I find things interesting sometimes most of the time it just feels like killing time. I’m still working on completing my first year compulsory courses( as I’ve taken a gap in between 1st year and now completing optional courses I thought were interesting.) Honestly I feel like giving up at this point because I hate calculus and stupid pre-requisites that have nothing to do with the degree (environmental science). They also make you take a billion “optional” courses(out of a small restricted list) in order to graduate. I feel like I’ll never find a career option that I’ll be satisfied with. The days feel so long, i have no motivation or drive. I daydream most of the time and have a hard time focusing. I want to exist without being expected to give.. but that’s nearly impossible without just being homeless. What do you have a career in and what has been your experience like working?",Struggling to find a career,3 +733,"How and why would I try being friends with people who say I’m an ugly, useless, f@ggot with no friends? They literally make fun of how lonely I am and talk shit about me .. who in tf is going to talk to people who obviously hate them. Like most people talk shit about me. When I try being nice and open they call me annoying , weird or try to take advantage of me. When I’m quiet and avoidant due to constant mistreatment they say I’m weird and creepy and a loser + + +Wtf do people want from me I’m so ducking exhausted dealing with people. I feel like I can’t trust anyone and the whole reason I don’t try reaching out to people is because every time i thought I was friends with someone they talked shit about me / secretly hated me.. how am I supposed to genuinely trust anyone after that?",People say the most horrible things about me then wonder why I don’t open up or feel comfortable to talk to them,3 +734,"My whole life everyone has been at best indifferent to me, & often times just outright abusive to me. + +The depths to which I feel alone can��t even be put into words, this isn’t a new thing; it’s always been this way but it’s really starting to hit me that I’m living for people who don’t care to do a damn thing to help me & maybe there’s just something deeply wrong with me for no one to ever care about me at all. + +I truly don’t think I can keep going with no hope of ever having any connection with anyone & I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I even have anything to live for *for me*. + +My life is completely empty, the only people I have around me demand so much of me &/or hurt me. I don’t think I’m even capable of building a better life, & if I am then I don’t know if I’m capable of making it for that long with absolutely no help from anyone. My whole life feels like such a waste, I’ve never had any purpose.",I’m pretty sure no one even likes me (can’t cope),3 +735,"what do you guys think of the whole debate around whether social anxiety and avpd are the same disorder? + +of course we aren't professionals but i think we can still have our own input. i was diagnosed with social anxiety when i was 15 a month after i dropped out of school and became housebound/agoraphobic and because of that i wasnt able to understand the things i was truly struggling, nor were the professionals able to understand. when i ended up inpatient for the first time at age 17 i couldnt leave my room until i was forced to, wasnt able to talk to other patients or make friends every time i was in hospital or in some sort of program. i had online friends but then i started becoming convinced that they hated me so i ended up ghosting every online friend i had. when i was 18 i discovered what avpd was and i was amazed by how much i related to every single thing about it, even more so than i related to the diagnostic criteria of bpd which i was diagnosed with. i brought up the idea of avpd to a psychiatrist last fall and she pretty just said ""i agree"" but also mentioned that theres debate on whether social anxiety and avpd are the same disorder so idek if she changed my diagnosis or not which kinda annoys me but whatever. + +i just think from what i know about social anxiety is that well its obviously anxiety related so it deals more with anxious thoughts surrounding social activities. avpd to me is more so the innate feelings that you are inept and that there is something deeply wrong with you to the core and thats why nobody likes you therefore you stay alone. i just think they're separate things because not everyone with social anxiety experiences that. let me know what you guys think!",social anxiety vs avpd,3 +736,"Just wondering how many people take general or playful razzing super poorly or personally. For instance, teasing between friends. I have a few friends that tease me about some of my hobbies and interests. Some times I fluff it off, other times I get super frustrated and almost angry with them, and feel like I'm somehow stupid or inferior for liking the things I like. Just wondering if that's a normal thing or if it is part of the disorder. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10w2p1s)",Teasing,3 +737,"Beyond emotional (and sometimes physical) neglect, I always knew something was different about me. And not in a good way. I couldn't relate to my peers growing up and I could never figure out why. I was always ""too much"". Too loud, too weird, too emotional. I never had the same interests as the other kids around me. Which made me sad because I wanted to, but never did + +Then there's the fact that I couldn't catch on to jokes quickly, which made me awkward. My poor attention span and memory made things worse. Sometimes my teacher would ask me to do a favor (like grab something from a shelf) and I couldn't follow directions. This happened a lot growing up. People getting frustrated with me or thinking there's something wrong with me because I couldn't follow directions. + +This evolved into a massive fear of being embarrassed. If someone was telling me where to go, I'd need a visual. A map or for me to write down their directions, because I'll get lost. My short term memory is so bad. I remember my uncle was giving me his phone number (we were moving and he had to leave and come back but I needed to be in contact with him). + +He recited the numbers and I couldn't remember what he said quick enough. I just always felt like I'm slow to process things. I still am. Someone will state a fact about themselves, I'll look them in the face and nod like I was listening. But I wasn't, so I *repeat what they said back to them* and they all give me this ""wtf"" look and they tell me they just said that a moment ago. + +Sometimes I forget the things I myself said and it would lead to me repeating myself multiple times. Again, ending with people giving me this ""wtf is wrong with her?"" Look. Yikes. + +It doesn't help that I think I deal with rejection sensitive dysphoria. It takes *very little* for me to get flustered and embarrassed. It led to me lashing out at others as a child, which ofc led to me being excluded eventually. I always over-expressed my emotions and I think that was off putting to other people. When I was happy I was very happy. When I felt a twinge of sadness, I was crying, when I was mad I was yelling and name calling. + +I had overall weird impulsive behavior. I would say the most random things and make really weird movements (I still do but only at home lol). I think all of these things just made others reject me because I was so strange. And to avoid the harsh judgement, I started masking all of my ""quirks"", but I lost myself in the process. + +I went from one extreme to the other. Instead of being overly expressive, I isolate myself and I come off as cold, uncaring, and stuck up. But this couldn't be further from the truth. I truly *do* care about people but I'm emotionally blocked off and still trying to mask those symptoms that make me seem ""weird"" + +Sorry for all the rants and posts lately 🫠. I'm not actually sad this time. I think I'm just coming to accept there's a reason why I am the way I am, and that I'm not just inherently defective.",I firmly believe undiagnosed ADHD is a big part of the reason why I have this disorder,3 +738,This is gonna sound maybe a little superficial but anyone feel embarrassed posting on social media because of how little friends they have? Like I know a post of mine is only gonna get a few likes and I’m almost embarrassed to post because then it’ll be obvious to those people how alone I am.,Social Media,3 +739,"How to stop ghosting people? There's a point where trust is broken and you're afraid that they despise you. This builds on top of your usual ghosting. I guess, ghosting should be stopped when trust is not broken. What works to address this ghosting phenomenon?",How to stop ghosting?,3 +740,Just found r/Faces,Do you make selfies?,3 +741,"I don't avoid people because I'm anxious, or embarrassed, or ugly, or feel unwanted. People try to make connections with me and I shut them down or ghost them. I just refuse the effort. And it's not because it's unwanted–I wish I had friends, I want to date, I imagine what my life would be like if I wasn't me and it looks like a lot of fun. I don't think I'm actually schizoid or anything. I just don't have the drive to improve my life in the ways I know I should. + +I have never been in a relationship, but I have accounts on a couple different dating apps. I put effort into my profiles and then I ignore every message I get. When people try to talk to me in public, I usually just walk away. I don't know why. Engaging at all just doesn't seem possible. It feels like writer's block, only it's going to ruin my life. + +It's not like I had a traumatic childhood or anything. I wasn't abused. My parents weren't narcissists. I wasn't even particularly unpopular in school, but even back then, even in elementary school, I would refuse any efforts to hang out outside the classroom. I would never go over to my friend's houses even though my mom always said yes. Most often, I wouldn't even tell her I was invited. And then I would feel sad from the isolation, lol. + +I don't really know what the point of this post is. It's more of a rambling vent than anything else. I need to get it off my chest somehow. My family is so confused by my behavior but I can't bring myself to talk to them about it. Somehow it's easier on an anonymous subreddit. I'm not even sure if this is allowed here, since I'm not officially diagnosed. When I was 19, I went to a psychiatrist to get treatment for my OCD. I didn't want to, but the only other option was killing myself, which I wanted to do less. He's the one who brought AvPD to my attention, but he didn't give me a diagnosis that day. He wanted me to come back for follow up appointments to narrow things down. I refused. I don't know why.",I don't know why I'm so self-defeating. I can't help it.,3 +742,"This is going to be lengthy and ahead of time I want to apologize to anyone this might be sensitive to. It involves an affair and I'm struggling to absolve myself for my part in it and have thought often that I might die of a broken heart over this. I'll begin with the story fully and what I need from all of you is help to see similarities in me that'd make me a BPD sufferer or her or what. I am so mentally screwed up over this that it's been hard to move on. I'm almost 3 months no contact as of right now. + +The story begins at work. I worked at a rehab facility in a health field. She was at the orientation for our first day and she said later that I'd caught her eye and she'd hoped to talk to me from the very first time she'd seen me. As I began to see her at work she started casually flirting. Once she needed equipment that'd take blood pressure and I said I only had my POX that does HR and SpO2, she replied ""I want everything"" with a look. As we began to really talk she revealed she had a husband even though she wore no wedding ring. I thought she was beautiful and she was very observant. Later, she said that she noticed me looking at her lips one of the first times we'd spoken. It progressed to innocent things like once I'd said me and a coworker missed her while she'd been off for a week or so. She came up to me later in the shift and excitedly and red in the face said ""you missed me?"" When helping a patient up from bed she'd placed her hand firmly over mine as I held onto his walker. Little flirty things like this intrigued me. I know that I should not have proceeded but I could tell that she was unhappy and I did feel like she was truly deserving of more happiness. She was from Moldova and her husband was Russian. They'd been married for I believe 10 years and had a son who was 5 years old. I began to pursue her a little more and wrote lists of things to do nearby that were fun. Although she'd been in the US for 5 years she'd never been to a movie once in that time. I was so sad and just thought this girl needs to experience the lighter side of life. Finally, one day we exchanged Instagram information and soon began talking on there. She wasn't quick to reveal too much about herself but was definitely initiating conversation frequently. As we began talking it progressed relatively quickly, after a month and a half we were meeting for the first time outside of work. It was around this time that she told me prior to meeting me she'd planned to leave her husband and just be ""alone."" I tried inviting her to a movie but she kept insisting that she wanted to come over to my place. When discussing this she was talking about seating and how we wouldn't be doing anything and all of that. I told her the TV was in my room and all I had in there was my bed. She was kind of trying to say that there could be no contact and all of that. Well, within seconds of shutting the door behind her we were making out. For the entire time she was over we made out. She even shook my bedpost when she got into my bed. I know she would have gone all the way if I'd tried. This is when there were things she finally said that shook me a little. She told me she broke up with one guy because he didn't kiss good and stuff like that. She told me eventually that people when she worked at Amazon offered a threesome with her. I have no idea how that conversation even began. She began to sound almost manic with the things she'd say as if I'd freed some mind that was eager to be free. She told me once that she wasn't ready to date older men because she wasn't ready for that. When we ate tacos for the first time she said she was ready to date because I joked that all women like tacos and margs on their dating profiles. She told me there were times she thought she loved her husband. It was largely like a business relationship where they occupied separate parts of the house and just worked together for the practical purposes of a relationship (kids, home, money). She even told me he had cameras inside the house that he'd watch and monitor. As I started to become more attached to her I became more nervous and more fearful. It was at this time she made a reference to the effect of me being her favorite person and something along the lines of she'd let anyone go before letting me go (meaning friends etc.) The situation to me as it began was that this girl was wonderful and I'd have been a fool to let her life go by without joy and happiness. She truly was to me someone very special. One of the first things she texted me on instagram was that she perceived me to be ""less happy than I appeared"" at work. She just seemed so genuine to me but as time went on I feared that maybe I couldn't trust her. She revealed a lot about her childhood but not much about the emotions she felt. Like, I know she had a tumultuous upbringing. She literally lived in a village with a bed that was above a wooden stove that heated it beneath. I know her dad whipped her and her brother. She was unfairly responsible for a lot as a kid. She also revealed she had a bout of bulimia in high school. She told me they were told more often that they did something wrong rather than be congratulated for good work. She didn't like me complimenting her too much. She would try to change the subject if I'd say much to that effect. She didn't like when I gave her positive reinforcement either. Like, if I said I appreciated something she'd say I was trying to train her. One thing I'd said I appreciate was when she sent photos of home. Like, what she was doing or what her son and her were doing. I just liked feeling as if I was included in her life. I spoiled the hell out of her. I brought her food and everything I could each time we worked together (about once a week). What happened though eventually was we had a night together finally a month or so after our first kiss. I did not perform well. The anxiety of it all and the feeling that I was being told when and if things are going to happen. This wasn't like I'm feeling horny and you are right next to me. This was I'm coming over this day and we're going to get it on. I'm 33 and my sex drive isn't quite that great and add in this whole complicated situation and well, it didn't go well. This was the first time she said ""I love you"" though when we were doing other things in bed together. I became nervous about my failure to perform. I didn't discuss with her the reason or anything regarding it so that was likely my mistake. The next time we saw each other and I said I love you, she said ""can we not say I love you so much."" That shook me because I didn't know what it meant, like holidays? lol I told her to not tell me how to love her and she accepted that although it probably bred contempt. Fast forward a couple weeks and we are in the car after work and I saw her getting close to another coworker at work. This coworker later said he felt ""some vibes"" from her too but once he saw we'd become close he didn't think any more of it. When I saw them two close, I asked her about it. She said ""you doubt my feelings for you?"" She got upset and rightfully so, later that day she was very panicked and called to say that she was shook up by it. Now our birthdays are approaching. I'd thought we'd see each other on my birthday. No we didn't. Then her birthday was the day after mine. Didn't see each other that day either. Then another 5 days or so went by and she didn't come over or anything. Just prior to what happened next she sent me the music video for ""Wicked Game."" Paranoia took over me and I just asked after a day where communication was kind of lacking between us if she was distancing herself. She told me that no she wasn't distancing herself and that a healthy relationship is two people living separately with separate interests and coming together in the middle to share. Then she said at the time that now she felt worse and that I felt better. Two days later and she called to break up with me and said ""love is not enough."" That was the blackest my life has ever seemed. I had never experienced anything like it. Like I was just floating through a sea of nothingness. The very next day she texted to say ""she still thought of me"" and that she was worried. I just told her that I couldn't help her feel better about her decision to break up at that time. Almost a week went by and she called me. I didn't answer because I figured if it were important she would have called again. Curiosity got the better of me a couple days later and I called her back. She answered and we spoke, she said that she had to become ""better at disappointing me."" She told me it would take some time to get back to normal between us but it didn't take long. She revealed that she'd written in the birthday card she got me (but never gave me) that I made her want to have kids again. She later revealed that she feared and projected that I'd be jealous of the time devoted to our children over me. The fantasies continued and she envisioned us growing old together and that we'd ""rest when we were old."" She is a very hard worker. I've never met anyone so goal oriented in my life. She was truly busy and between her husband not helping her, her son, school and work, she was truly doing it all. I can tell that my persistent need for attention probably bothered her but as I became closer I could no longer act cool. After we got ""back together"" she suggested we go to the movies. I was so happy to finally do something with her outside of work or just spending a night together. Some time to finally bond and enjoy ourselves just sounded great to me. I had a great time and I thought she did too. She said before we went into the movie that she was sorry and that she'd ""never forgive herself"" for what she'd done when she broke up with me. She told me when she'd broken up she stowed away everything I'd given her and deleted our conversation on Instagram. She also revealed that it was a time where she considered going to therapy or doing a virtual session. This was I think one of two times she'd ever say she was sorry to me. I don't remember when it was that she'd said this but it was either before this breakup or somewhere else in the middle of all of this but she said ""I need to love you less."" That's not a good thing to hear. This period was probably the best time of our relationship. She even entrusted me to watch her son while she went to an eye appointment. It was moments like these that I needed where I actually felt valuable to her. I didn't think much of myself outside of opportunities like this. A week or so after our night at the movies she came over again to my place. When she came over this time I performed better but still not well enough. I think I went like 5 minutes and then just lost it for whatever reason. I'm not a very experienced guy and I never really talked about it with her because I thought she'd think less of me. A few more weeks go by and she says that she can no longer spend time with me after work. We'd have like twenty minutes between us after a shift and of course I assumed incorrectly it was because of me. I needed reassurance probably a little too often. I don't know if it was the nature of the relationship, the first breakup, or what it was but I felt on edge. She assured me it wasn't because of me that she didn't want to or couldn't stay after work. She said her husband found a (innocent) picture that I'd given her of me. I knew that a lot of what I'd given her was stowed away so I wondered how only this picture was found. He then deduced that I was a person on her instagram from my photo. She warned me to not text her and that she'd contact me. This went on for a little while successfully until one morning I sent her a couple of messages on Instagram. He was actually online on her instagram and saw the messages where I'd said ""I love you."" She didn't contact me the rest of the day so I knew something was wrong. That night I called her and she answered crying. She said that he'd told her she was a bad mother and all sorts of terrible things. He also messaged me the next day saying ""I hear you are very good friends with my wife, I also want to be friends."" I told her about this and she begged me not to reply and to block him. A few hours later, he had blocked me. She told me he'd even planned to send me pregnancy photos of her. It was truly messed up. This whole situation is, I know. When he blocked me, I wondered why. She told me he was viewing the messages over and over. She told me he was planning to tell his parents and that it would be soon discussed within the family. I never heard much about it after that. My paranoia increased. A few weeks went by and we had some intimate encounters but she still wasn't coming over to spend the night at all. I felt maybe that was due to my inability to really perform but I wasn't sure. After her husband found out though understandably there wasn't as much communication between her and I. Now I waited for her to initiate everything. I waited for phone calls. I waited for texts. One day she texted me precisely before I began work and I said it meant a lot that she did that because it was something she used to do. She told me I was trying to ""train her."" We never had real quality time together. Work was really the best thing we had between the two of us. This is where it all began to break. One day I exchanged just a couple texts with her (even though it was against the rules) and I never received a call. I had a spell of emotions come over me and I got upset I said some rough things, nothing too crazy. The next day we spoke and I said asked her if she was happy. She said if she still calls and I still answer that we're happy. She then began dissecting what I was really asking and she came to the conclusion that I was actually saying that I wasn't happy. I felt our communication was so difficult and we hadn't spent any real quality time together by this time since the movies and our one night together. She told me she ""doesn't do reassurance."" She said she'd have to take time to herself and she'd miss me and stuff but she'd not really be speaking to me. The next week or more I just got texts saying things like ""I miss you"", ""can't talk"", ""good morning."" This went on and on for like I said, over a week. I was getting really affected by it. There I was the other man in this whole thing and I'm wondering how important am I? After all, she has a husband and a life outside of our relationship. She was absolutely my primary partner. I finally got upset and sent her a text that was lengthy and said don't contact me I don't know what is going on, I don't have clarity on anything etc. She must have had my phone number blocked because the next morning I received another ""good morning"" message. So I sent another similar message again. This one was delivered because she didn't say anything at all. I'll admit, I wanted her to fight for our relationship. I wanted her to see how difficult this was for me. I understand that I was wreaking havoc on her life to some extent. I was definitely a hindrance to any stability in her life. Well, after nothing came to me within a couple of days I freaked out. I went back on everything I'd said and apologized profusely and went on and on with a whole bunch of texts and calls. Like a whole bunch. I was so fearful and felt like I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole that I'd been responsible for. I still felt I was owed some clarity on her stance with her husband and what was happening behind the scenes but I knew that I was screwing up. After all of this she said it was toxic and that I was frightening her. After she said that I lost it. I was supposed to work with her that night and I called off because I couldn't fathom being near her when she'd said I frightened her. Well, that night she was super pissed. She said that I was acting ""like an 18 year old boy not a 33 year old man."" She said there was ""no more us at work, no more spending time together, no more talking"", no more anything. I was shook up by this as I'd been by everything before it. I told her honestly that when I'd called off that my manager knew it was because of some disagreement between her and I. I had known my manager for years and she was a friend, so I didn't think much of it. After she said all of this ""there is no more us"" stuff several more days went by and I decided to resign from the job. She talked to me finally a couple days after the day I resigned. When we spoke she said that her dad never understood her mom and she was fearful because I didn't understand her. At the end of the call I revealed to her that I quit the job. She abruptly hung up on me and later told me that she began to cry after I told her I'd done it because of what she said. She later texted me and said she wanted me to ""let her go."" This where things got really messy. She told me she wanted to ""be single."" I told her I need time to move on. She replied, ""I will not remind you of myself."" I told her she could write a letter if she ever had some clarity on all of this. She replied, ""I will not send a letter, I don't like writing letters."" A few days again went by and I tried reaching out to her. She asked me what I'd done in those few days apart. I told her that I'd done nothing, meaning I hadn't been with anyone else. When we began talking again things got rough, she began trying to lose weight. She asked if it was because I was nervous why I hadn't performed well in bed. I told her that it was but she questioned whether it was her body. She talked about getting breast implants. She told me that the beginning was fantasy and that it'd never be like that again. She once texted me and said that she missed me more than I even knew but that she can't be vulnerable. She said that she needed to learn to love not me. She said so many things during this period that makes me question everything today. I know women can be emotional and I was definitely emotional enough for the both of us but this was next level. After a struggle to see her, she finally said she wanted to see me. When I did I felt just as we always had together. The butterflies and like she was just the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid my eyes on. She allowed me to touch her intimately when we had this meeting but it was almost the last time she'd allow me to do so. What happened in the weeks following was my job was reinstated because my resignation was never given to anyone above my manager. She didn't forward it so that she could protect my employment in case I changed my mind. When we worked together those next few weeks there was some contentiousness between us. One night she was upset because something regarding her parents' immigration wasn't going well. She did not tell me what it was initially. I always wanted to know what was bothering her and I was sensitive to her moods. My life with her felt so microscopic. Each interaction was magnified. Each gesture became what I'd live with for the next week as we spent time apart. I was often visibly disappointed when she would not share what was going on. She was very good at reading my expressions. She stormed off and when I caught up with her she had her pants hiked up really high near this one male nurse we worked with. I thought something of this because she'd said she did that near me initially when we began our little courtship. Later that night I said I wanted her to be happy. That I wanted to have a ""good time."" She asked what I meant by a ""good time."" I said that I wanted to have fun. That we never had any opportunities to just have fun together. It was soon after that I decided to go back to school to better myself and to impress my gf (I guess). When I did so she took one of the classes with me. So we'd have Monday nights together in class. Our job soon closed because the building it was in was no longer going to be serviced. This left us only with our class together. She would never come over ever again to my place after our argument involving work. I did my best each week to spoil her. I made salmon salad that I kept on ice in the car and we'd eat it after class released. I got her a spa package to enjoy so that she could just a take a minute to relax. I really missed her. I really really really missed her. I needed time with her to really bond. Her life was undoubtedly busy but the lack of quality time we had together came off as disinterest to me. I became so attached but so worried about the previous damaged I'd done that I began to spiral. In the class we had a good time initially. There was even one week where he had cancelled class and we had like an hour and a half together. It was great. I felt just happy to finally have uninterrupted time with her. She asked me during that time jokingly if I had brought the salmon salad again for her. Also, I'd gotten her a whole box of candies that she liked since childhood called ""Bounty."" She asked where they were and why I'd not given them to her. She told me she liked seeing my reaction when I was asked things like this. When I told her I hadn't eaten them because I'd had enough sweets. She asked ""who have you been getting sweets with."" I just said a friend of mine (Will). I felt so awkward because she had not been paying much attention to me prior to this night we had together. Texts were more sporadic and often mine that I sent weren't replied to. We still spoke every day pretty much but there was never much to talk about. I craved shared experiences and a sense of security. I'd done my part to ruin things but it felt like this was all being sabotaged. One day I called her after I got out of a therapy session and asked her ""how do I ask for what I need?"" I was being starved. I felt overwhelmed by how much I felt I was being ignored. However, I do know during this time she wasn't caring for herself much either. She was irritated when I asked this of her. One night near the very end I offered her a BetterHelp therapy membership. I told her it was the best thing that I could give her. I had already tried brightening her spirits with the spa gift and the other little things I'd tried to do. She said she didn't want to go and that only she could decide when it was necessary to go. She told me she didn't like how I was trying to change her. Another week near the end, I sat next to her in class like always. After class she asked me why my legs were so far from her legs beneath the table. I certainly felt the push/pull behavior. I know she had a lot on her plate but I was single, I didn't have all of these responsibilities and dramas. I was focused on her. A little too much maybe. I didn't know if she'd done this before?? Why the cameras in the house?? Why the invitation of a threesome?? I didn't know if I was really important. My mind raced and raced. One of the final days we had I asked her in a text ""if I ask to spend more time with her, isn't that something she'd want to do because she loves me."" The next day we spoke on the phone and I asked her to reply to that when she could, she said that I can't ask someone to do that. She'd reply when/if she was ready to do so. I was struggling so much, I have thought at times I might die of a broken heart over this. What finally happened was her son was sick, she told me the day before we had class together that she needed a break and requested that I don't text her. I agreed and the next day we saw each other in class. I broke. I asked her if she'd have any time for us after class, she just shook her head no. I snapped. I began just staring at her, intermittently for a good ten minutes or so. Sulking in the chair next to her, I was probably a real sorry sight to see. She looked to me and said ""we'll talk after class."" I made some passive aggressive remarks about borrowing a pen and stuff but nothing too bad. When we got out of class I was immediately upset. She patronizingly said ""let's have a discussion."" As if I hadn't been trying to have one all along about my needs. I said ""did you talk to your husband today?"" She said, ""I have to, he has my son."" I replied ""well nothing for me then, huh?"" The ""let's have a discussion"" remark made me begin to crack a smile (she did not like that) because I just thought to myself how ridiculous is all of this. I love her, I still do. How on earth could she not see how ridiculous it had all become and how it practically was from the start. The argument went mostly like that for just another minute or so before she began walking away. I followed and she said ""I don't like the way you love. Your love is overwhelming."" She got in the car and as I tried to offer her a water I had brought for her, she said ""I don't want anything from you anymore."" She had headaches a lot and one night she drank and ate the ice from the salmon salad on her way home, that's why I had brought the water for her. She went home and I went to meet up with my one friend. I called her and left a voicemail that said something like ""I wish you the best in all the things you have going on. I hope you learn to love and accept love."" The next day I hadn't yet heard from her and I texted her. When I did she told me that maybe a business relationship is what she needs. She can't handle arguments in love. She told me she went home had a few drinks and considered her husband's proposal to get back together. By that she meant they had sex. She told me that what we had wasn't special, that ""it was in my head."" One thing she asked was why I smiled. I said, ""I couldn't believe I was being treated like this."" She replied, ""you're saying I'm a bad partner."" I said, ""I've been asking you for weeks to see you."" I just couldn't believe the whole thing. She acts concerned about such a thing after admitting to having sex with her husband. Her mind truly was chaotic. Where was she when I was breaking at the seams over our lack of time together. We have not communicated at all since that night. The last thing I sent was one heart emoji. I had no words from her to say anything about what I meant. Nothing. I have cried so much over the last few months. I think often about the day that I die and if I might be able to call her and see her one last time so that we might be able to imagine what it might have been if we'd had a chance. A real chance. I don't know. I blame myself. I know that I might have a problem. Maybe we both have a problem. I don't know anything anymore. It was real to me. Maybe I was just being used? If I could go back I would have stopped it from progressing as far as it did. I felt my confidence and my security change once it advanced. I don't know what does this mean to you guys on here? I've read a lot of BPD, NARC stuff. Youtube, Reddit, you name it. Do I have a problem? Is how I acted, aside from beginning this affair in the first place, that outlandish? Why didn't she understand how I might feel being in my position? Was this just a natural breakdown of an affair? Did I really mean nothing? How do I move on from this? How was this a genuine relationship with none of the healthy aspects a relationship has. Is it because she has a different outlook on love culturally? Is it because she sabotages relationships. I can't see how any intimate relationship with her could succeed, there doesn't seem to be any consistency. I am so confused. Thank you to anyone who reads and dissects this whole thing. Thanks for any hesitance to pass judgement onto me.",Please help me understand what I went through,3 +743," + +First I want to say that I am not diagnosed. I've seen quite a lot of posts about this urge to disappear on [r/Schizoid](https://www.reddit.com/r/Schizoid/) and also [r/AvPD](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvPD/). + +I am kind of glad that I am not the only one who does this. I constantly delete my social media and start over. By doing this I also ghost all of my friends on Discord. With social media like Reddit, Twitch and others creating new accounts isn't a problem for me because I don't post anything. I only keep my Steam account. I always knew it's not normal. I didn't know other people also struggle with this. + +My friends are annoyed whenever I come up with a new Discord account. I really don't want to talk to them about this. It's hard for me to talk about my feelings with people I know. I feel like they wouldn't understand me and/or would judge me. Most of my friends I've known since 2017. I usually just come up with a dumb excuse like ""I forgot my password"" or something like that. + +I want to explain the weird urge I get whenever I feel like disappearing. Under a post there was this comment: + +>There was a point where I realized I was getting very good at starting things because after a certain point I would get that urge to restart. Not just with accounts, but with everything. I'd plan out how I was going to use an account, build a new habit, accomplish some goal as efficiently and optimally as possible, and for a while follow through. Eventually I would drift off track a little, let it eat at me, and then give up and decide I'll start over and do it better. At this point I struggle to get to the ""I'm going to try"" stage and usually just don't bother. The apathy does help me push through failure or perceived shortcomings a little more. + +This comment describes my situation very accurately. I feel almost exactly as this guy. + +Creating new accounts has become a routine. I feel like it even calms me and is the closest thing to running away from everything. It's kind of hard to explain how I feel.. + +I ghosted my friends like 3 weeks ago. Throughout the weeks I've tried to start over, but I always fail and just start over once again.. I didn't tell anyone I'll disappear. I deleted my Discord and now I'm gone. My friend texted me on Snapchat asking why I deleted my account. I just responded with something like ""yeah lol"". Didn't even give an answer. Ever since then I haven't talked to them. I want to, but I know I'm gonna disappear after a month. I also don't want to explain to them why I deleted my account because I can't even do it right now where I am anonymous. + +Probably a lot of mistakes, very unorganized post but yeah.. I hate this. I just want to be normal. :/",The urge to disappear and start over.,3 +744,"As the title says, I'm so sensitive to rejection that the smallest amount of desinterest, banter or subtle mockery can send me into a suicidal episode with the ""never going to be good enough"" mantra at its core. I'm presented with the chance of entering a relationship but I'm literally scared shitless, ugh just wanna pull away.","Is it better to never experience love and thus never get hurt, or it's worth trying even if the hurt will have long-lasting consequences or will lead to something more drastic, like suicide?",3 +745,"I live across the country far away from any family. For the most part, I’m very lonely and have been lonely for the majority of my life due to all sorts is issues and trauma since I was a kid. I have a few friends that I occasionally meet, but I don’t regularly talk to outside of that. I rarely talk to my family as I don’t have a close relationship with them. I went to college and met people there, but I haven’t kept in touch with anyone from college after graduating. + +Most of the people who know me in life have no clue what I’m doing or even how my life is right now. They haven’t heard from me in ages. If I ever went missing, they would probably never find out. If I ever died, the people who have known me in life would probably never find out. The only people who would know anything are my co-workers, doctors, and family. They would only find out if my work requested a check on me after not showing up for work for a while. Family would most like be notified through that. Doctors would only find out I was gone once I stop answering calls and showing up for appointments. + +This is just scary to think about. I’ve lived alone my whole and there is a good chance I would die alone. Life just sucks man. Why couldn’t I just have had a normal life?","If something bad ever happens to me, there is a chance most of the people who personally know me in life would never find out",3 +746,"Hey guys ! +I'm a 24F and I'm very lonely these days. Ive been going back and forth on wether I should post this but here goes ! + +I recently lost someone who I thought was a friend, he wasn't. +Anyways we used to call each other and watch movies thru the phone or TV shows. Sometimes also smoke weed while we watched. + +My question is, do any of you have a desire to do this with me ? +I work long hours outside and then my bf does band practice so I'm alone a lot during the weekends or evenings. + +Obviously I know this post begging for human connection is sad but feel free to reach out my DMS are open 🙂",Reaching out for connection,3 +747,"Like most of the videos I find about avpd just states what it is, and then ends with ""yeah this isn't curable"". Then you venture into the comments and see people complaining about their partner with this disorder 💀.",is it just me or is most of the material you find online about this disorder defeatist af?,3 +748,"My main way I avoid people is by playing devils advocate, being cold, extreme opinions, saying rude things or sticking to superficial topics. I often compusively make myself the villian with friends. Not because I want to, but because having them hate me is secretly doing them a favor. +from all the post I've read alot of AVPD people sound like push overs or like eeyore from winnie the pooh. I'm starting wonder how many people play out their AVPD like me or if I'm got some other underlying disorder like odd or I'm just an a-hole? +Can someone confirm this?",Am I just an A..hole?,3 +749,,Sorry,3 +750,"Hey guys, gals, and enby pals. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted here. That was on my old account though. My name is Ciara. I’m a 25 year old trans girl and I have avpd.(obviously lol) Since I use to post I’ve made some decent progress. I managed to get a job in I shit you not retail. I actually managed to hold it down for a couple months even lol. Heck, in a few instances I even was kind of good at it. But eventually I cracked and quit. I could only get ignored or misgendered so many times. Now I’m back at square one. I know I can push myself, but my endurance seems so fickle. Although I do have some confidence. I know I’m not inferior. Took me a long time get there, but I know I’m gonna have to put myself back out into the world soon. I can’t be a neet again. Idk where I’m going with this I just kind of felt like venting a bit.",Progression and regression,3 +751,"I’m 19 and haven’t had a friend in 4 years. Isolated myself from the world for eight months. So I fell so so hard for this guy just cuz he flirted with me. And now it seems so obvious he was just messing with me, cuz he didn’t answer like half of my texts till days later and never actually asked me anything about myself. But I made excuses because I thought I was being like clingy and not understanding how relationships work. But no if a guy likes you he’s gonna show interest and actually answer your texts… + +It’s a little weird because I’m paranoid so I assume everything means everyone hates me. But now that I’m aware of this I’m trying to stop it. But I went too far in the opposite direction now and ignored my good judgement because I’m so inexperienced socially.",I’m just so dumb socially because I’ve been isolating for so long,3 +752,Our cat who I love dearly has been missing for 3 nights now and she’s never stayed outside for more than a few hours in the entire last 2 years that we’ve lived here so I’m really worried. It sucks having no friends sometimes. I wish I had a single good friend I could talk to.,Cat is missing and I have no one I can talk to.,3 +753,"I’m trying to understand if it’s because my partner is selfish or it’s because of AvPD. + +1. Will take and take and take and ask for more and state I don’t do anything. + +2. Will never do nice gestures for me, such as offer to pick me up, drop me off, take me to lunch. Be affectionate. Anything really. + +3. Treat me like a doormat. Cancel plans on me last minute, prioritize commitments with random people, disregard my feelings/thoughts. (We’re moving in and our place is going to be used as a business place with clients sitting in the living room all day and evening). + +4. Never take any responsibility, always contort discussions, criticisms, and play victim. + +I understand a lot of AvPD behaviors are rooted in shame and self doubt but I don’t see how that applies to the above behaviors. + +I would describe her as a high functioning AvPD. I’ve read some posts from similar people and by her own words “she feels like she is wearing a mask around other people all the time”. +Also seems she’s used to using and disregarding partners/men. Her life long friend called her out on this. + +***EDIT*** + +I needed some clarity and validation! I do not think this is AvPD which is why I had to ask. Also was looking for experiences from those in similar situations with mine or those with AvPD. + +Thank you for the replies, especially the detailed one from /u/Cultural-Abrocoma-83",AvPD or just selfish?,3 +754,"So my brand is of AVPD is very not giving a F about others. I care about people, but in a relationship context I do not care. I sometime tell new people that ask for instagram or contact, I don't need anymore friends. I've learned to put a super cold front to avoid people. + + +However there is a subset of people that go harder the more I push or ghost them away. I typically find that they are approval/people seeking and want to be liked by everyone. So often times a friendship with me is hard one with them doing 70percent of the effort. + + +Do you guys find this as a pattern?",Do AVPD attract Needy people?,3 +755,For example missed opportunity to get to know someone who showed interest in you or job opportunities and the likes.,how do you deal with the feeling of regret over missed opportunities ?,3 +756,"To be clear I'm not talking about drifting away from each other over time but rather like getting ditched where it all happens in a few minutes or less. This has happened to me a few times but the worst time was a few days ago because it happened with the closest friend I've ever had. It actually happened with them a few months ago too. I also feel bad for feeling like this and trying hard to not push them away but just can't control these feelings. + +A few days ago we were playing an online game together as we often do and after a while they mentioned that they were also talking to another friend while playing and I realized that was why they were so quiet compared to all the other times. I started shutting down after that but kept playing together for a few hours. We didn't say anything but I knew they were talking to the other friend instead. They did say bye when they were getting off and for the first time I didn't say anything back. Still haven't said anything and feel bad cause we are the best friends each other has ever had and I know for sure it is true for them, they are not lying. But just can't help these feelings of not wanting to talk to them anymore and pushing them away. I feel so ridiculous for feeling like this like for them it's just a normal interaction with someone else and not knowing how bad it made me feel.",Feeling jealousy and not good enough when close friends start talking to someone else and direct most of their attention to them,3 +757,"I'm a 32 yo male. Never really had much experience with women, and all attempts have ended in catastrophe. I mean, I've officially thrown in the towel. + +My friend is insistent on taking me to a strip club and I'm worried. I feel a lot of dread and anxiety about it. He keeps saying things like ""you're not feeling anxiety, that's anticipation."" + +I'm going to end up going because I don't want to disappoint, especially because he's paying, but I'm curious. If any of you have been to a strip club what was your experience like?",Friend Wants to take me to Strip Club,3 +758,"Hello after 21 year of life +I am finally trying to make a relationship +I met a girl in the university . +i make the first move And I introduced myself to her(my first time in my life introduction myself to another person) . And it was great she was so nice and we start talking ( I felt like i am a human being) +But I think I got myself into trouble i met her in a another fast break But I didn't know how to talk to her and I felt so anxious . +I am afraid that if I ask her again , she will refuse",i need a tip pls,3 +759,"I've seen two posts of two extremes in the past 24 hours (here and r/socialanxiety), [one that went well](https://redd.it/10tpr60) (ended with a kiss) and [one that apparently was awful](https://redd.it/10tws9h) (but still a growing experience), so I figured I'd report my experience that was somewhere in the middle. + +Recently had a girl message me on Tinder and the conversation went really well/flowed really naturally. She suggested we meet up, and considering how much I've progressed recently, I figured I wouldn't give myself enough time to reconsider/doubt myself and just said yes. + +I was pretty chill for the most part, but my nerves got the best of me once there were only two hours left before the date, but it still wasn't nearly as bad as it would've been before. + +The date went pretty well. I was pretty nervous, but nothing that was overwhelming. We walked and talked a bunch, went to a small art exhibition, grabbed some ice cream and then I had to leave. + +Overall a very pleasant experience despite the nervousness. I would have neeever in my life had thought that I'd be able to go on a tinder date fully sober. In the past I had to get blackout drunk (+other drugs) to even text people on Tinder, so I'm very very very glad I had the power in me to not cancel or chicken out and actually go through with this, even if nothing might come of it. I'll definitely have more confidence moving forward thanks to this experience. + +Good luck out there!","Just had a date, and it was neutral",3 +760,"Abandon my entire life, leaving everyone and everything behind. Or just kill myself. Or both. + +I let the closest friendships I’ve ever had die because I can’t be a normal person. I never contact people first because I feel like I’m rudely intruding whenever I present myself to someone in any fashion. I don’t even call my own family members and tell them I love them because it feels like anything I do is placing a burden on others. + +I don’t have a plan, I just wanna drive until I run out of money. I just wanna experience what life is like without having the people you know perceive your actions, even if it’s just for a short time before I eventually succumb to my suicidal ideation.",I only see two options in my future,3 +761,"Do any of you have both? + +I read that when you have avoudant-dismissive attachment style, you have often good self-confidence and that's why you can't have Avpd. Is that true? I think they are two different things and while you may feel like you can do things best yourself, it doesn't mean you can't feel shame an inferior to others.",Is it possible to have both Avoidant-dismissive attachment style and Avpd?,3 +762,"50-something gay man here. While I’ve been in therapy for most of my life, because I was always dealing with dysthymia / Persistent Depression, Attachment issues were never discovered or diagnosed. A year ago, TMS put my depression into remission, which has been amazing. Awesome. Endless superlatives. However.... + +With PDD no longer fouling the view, surprise-surprise, I see now that Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment has been playing merrily in my psyche, my attention having been elsewhere. + +I've never had a “real” deep, intimate sexual relationship. (Sex yes.) Friends, yes, but again, none particularly deep. Distancing. Closed off. Difficulty trusting. From what I can tell, DA has influenced, inhibited, even impaired a lot of areas of my life. I’d like to fix or improve those if I can. + +To be honest, I’m a bit concerned -- read ""scared"" -- that I won’t be able to do that. DA is a hard one to move to Secure Attachment. From reading, it looks like it basically takes an intimate SA partner (and therapy) to change an attachment style. Since I haven't even had a crappy intimate relationship, that seems…unlikely. lol + +I have therapist right now. We’ve talked a bit about this. He’s not an expert / certified in Attachment Therapy. Cognitive Behavioral? Yes. General support, especially with the TMS stuff, yes. Given the seeming intractability of DA, I'm wondering if he's right for tackling this? I know DA is an error in cognition… but it’s also wrapped up in feelings and in behaviors that I’m not even aware of. Trauma. Family of origin stuff. There's a lot that goes into DA. And while I've tackled much of this in ""regular"" therapy, I've never come at it from an attachment angle, with someone who specialized in Attachment Theory and styles + +So, in your opinion, is it better to have a therapist that specializes in Attachment Issues or is that not necessary? Will an Attachment group or class suffice? Is changing therapists reasonable here -- I'm up for doing that -- or is that idea someone just another sign of Avoidant / Dismissing behavior? + +While I ain’t dead and have no plans on dying anytime soon — or later, for that matter — I would like to *fix* this DA before I shuffle off. Along those lines, I’d like to stumble and fail at a *real* relationship or two -- I know DA is hard to lessen -- on the off chance that I just succeed at one. I want to improve my life. I’m just trying to figure out the best way to go at it. + +Any advice here would be great.",Therapy or Attachment Therapy?,3 +763,"Hey everyone! So I'm a trans woman who is completely and utterly confused by sex. I've (somehow) managed to have sex with multiple different people, yet every time I feel wayyyyyyyy too anxious to actually enjoy any of the pleasure, and instead delegate myself to please my partner instead. When I think about sex it seems appealing, but whenever I actually get to have it, I can't help but panic and be scared that I'm not good enough for them... Is this normal? Can anyone else relate? I don't think I am asexual, since I'm very much so attracted to men and women and everything in between, but any advice would be nice.",Always unfulfilled by sex?,3 +764,"All I did was stand awkwardly by myself in the middle of the room the whole time. Despite drinking and smoking some weed, I felt too *aware* of myself and any potential eyes on me. I’m always so utterly restricted, I never let myself have any fun, never dance, never play any drinking games, participate in karaoke, etc. because I don’t want to people to judge how badly I am doing, I’m scared they would want nothing to do with me if they see how bad at I am at everything. I’m literally terrified of any self-expression and I wish just once I could be normal and let loose and just have fun",Just got home from a party…,3 +765,"I'm M28, up to this point i have had next to zero experience with dating or women in general. + +I started chatting again with this girl that i had ghosted after asking her out on another app almost exactly a year ago. I was surprised that she would match with me again, this time i decided to go trough with it though. What helped i think is that she is of a pretty similar personality type as me, not a big time texter and sometimes slow to respond etc.. + +I decided to be just totally honest when we met, i told her I'm not the most exciting guy and that I'm pretty boring honestly, but i said it with kind of a smile and a good attitude. We ended up holding hands walking trough the city and i kissed her on the way to my car and again when i dropped her off. + +It felt like there might be some hope after all. She asked me what we should do next time, and i had no answer because i hadn't even considered it could ever come to that. + +&#x200B; + +I just had to tell someone. I'm not trying to brag. If anything its an example that even if your feel inadequate and unworthy, like i do often, its mostly on the inside. I've told myself no-one will ever like me, this is simply untrue, and if you feel this way its most likely untrue for you too.",So i just went on a date...,3 +766,"Of anything. Of something that you told yourself, that turned out to be wrong, of something someone did. Maybe once. Maybe multiple times. Maybe ALL the time. Of the way you saw life for everyone around you. That on top of the first two. + +Who else just can't let go of someone. Or something. Or many people and many things.",Who else can't let go?,3 +767,,Just leaving this here,3 +768,"And I know this wont work but idk what else to do. I just genuinely hate myself and I hope that maybe if I hit my goal weight I can finally have the confidence to talk to people and not feel so awful. Every social interaction feels like I'm being analyzed under a petri dish. + +Logically I know this isn't true but it feels true. This causes me to put on an act, which causes me to not be present with people, which causes the awkwardness that I fear. I'm focused on my facial expressions, if I'm saying the right words with the right tone of voice. My mind goes blank half the time. + +I know that people typically enjoy it when you ask about them and their interests. Yet for some reason I just struggle to talk. I start stuttering, slurring my words, or going so overboard on sounding ""perfect"" that I sound like a robot reading off a script. . + +I just want to relax and enjoy myself. Sometimes I'm able to. Most times I'm not. I'm always waiting to feel embarrassed and then I go back to isolating myself. The motivation for change is there but I'm soooo scared and exhausted.",I'm trying to solve an internal issue externally,3 +769,Is it usual for people with avpd to get unomfortable around their friends/family if they spend too much time in one go or know too much about them? Do they often ghost their friends?,Getting uncomfortable around friends/family,3 +770," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10u5llc)",are you neurodivergent?,3 +771,"I was going to go to a meet up group that eats different food around the city and then I canceled. I was so excited and hopeful about making friends, but then I realized how since I got divorced I look so much older and so much chubbier.... I felt I would be able to sense by their reaction to me that I am not good enough and I don't belong. + +So I canceled. I feel sad about it. Also I never have money and I had a little extra cash so this is one of the few times I was going to be able to afford this group. +I just don't have anyone to talk to about this and I feel sad and silly.",Felt Not Good Enough,3 +772,"I sigh a lot. It's just a habit I developed after years of fighting my broken brain. And it's annoying because when I am around people and do that, it apparently gives them feeling like I am tired of them or even irritated, while in fact I am just tired every single second of my life. +It's not exactly avpd trait, I think it's more about being mentally ill in general. It's especially troubling during my work. No actual meaning behind all that, just vent about annoying shit in everyday life.",Annoying habit of sighing,3 +773,"Lately i been watching youtube videos about assertiveness and confidence, but i feel like i can't put it in act, because i believe if i will start to get assertive i would end up in some conflict, so i get in a state of fear of my actions, lately i'm really confused about my behaviours, probably watching even more stuff makes me overthinking even more, i can't relax a bit when i'm outside, i focus only on my body language and i feel like i'm not real sometimes... + +And confidence means illusion for me, my life is empty, i believe i will get disappointed if i illude myself with this fake confidence in life.",Fear of getting confidence,3 +774,"I've been feeling like shit the past few days and I can't help but tie it in with the suffocating loneliness and the fear of... Everything. + +I can't be alone in this, right?",Do you ever feel sickly from the loneliness/overbearing anxiety?,3 +775," im sick of always being wrong no matter what i do and am expected to know what i did wrong. im tired of constant arguments and always feeling like a shitty human being in the end when i dont even know what i did. im just sick of being misunderstood and never given a chance to explain, and my friend knows im avoidant but doesnt seem to fucking care how i feel anymore + +things were great at first. happy fun friendship lalala and then they became really clingy and wanted to be my favorite. i felt happy at first at the idea because wowww someone really likes me that much?!?!!!! + +then they would always wanna be better than my friends, call, and shower me with compliments. it was sweet and flattering at first.. then, we got into some confusing relationship thing. they never clearly defined what it even was. i was too afraid to back out. it got overwhelming. and eventually i found myself distancing away. + +i was really confused about it all. they explained things terribly. i never knew what exactly they wanted, it was never clear. what i did wrong, what we were, their intentions, anything. they seemed to expect me to know it all but fucking hell i really dont i cant read into things so easily. maybe im flat out stupid + +i told them about avpd and such and they understood and were really nice and understanding at first. then, more arguments, accusations, guilt tripping. + +i get it i was also a shithead in this situation i think + +the guilt tripping, manipulation, expectations, them acting like a victim, im really drained. ive apologized over and over and cried often and its fucked me up + +i know im not perfect but i try my best to be kind and always have good intentions and i tell them that and oh my god they dont get it at all + +theyre a genuinely nice person and i know that. im just so tired of the anger, i cant take it + +no offense to those who have bpd. this person in particular has no self awareness or anything. and i guess they totally just blew off my avpd and just shit on me and it really hurts",my friend (bpd) really exhausts me. i dont think i even wanna be their friend anymore :’),3 +776,"Hi, so I'm diagnosed with autism, and years ago (about 14) I was diagnosed with social anxiety as well. I recently found out about AvPD and I feel like I relate to the majority of symptoms I've found. + +I checked on the autism subreddit about this, but i found someone arguing that you can't diagnose people with autism and AvPD because it's so hard to tell. Which confused me. + +I'm currently 17, turning 18 in September. I attend a sixth form college, but that is literally the only place I go. I have no remaining friends, even though I really want close friends, and people have tried to make friends with me. I really avoid making friends though, bc I feel so awkward and uncomfortable and trying to interact with people makes me so tired that I can't cope with it. But its a constant struggle between feeling so lonely and really not wanting to talk to anyone. I can't tell if this is specifically just autism or maybe AvPD, because I find a lot of autistic people don't actually avoid making friends, rather just struggle to. + +I can't go anywhere by myself, I've never been to a shop alone before because of who I could have to speak to or if anything went wrong. I feel sick at the idea of actually approaching people or speaking in a group. I can rarely text, I can't make phone calls and I don't like going out, so I lose friends pretty quick, because I essentially ghost them, even when I don't mean to. This is one of the main reasons I don't want to make new friends, because I know I'm not a great friend. In the future, I plan on doing a job either part time or from home because I can't cope with interacting with people. At school, in my free periods, I can't even stand sitting in the same room as others, especially if they're talking. And I can't eat in front of others. I feel like I'm on show. + +These don't apply to my parents or my older sister. If I'm with them, these are easier. + +Originally I thought it was just being autistic, or social anxiety or agoraphobia maybe. But then I found out about AvPD. + +It definitely could just be autism. But I feel so isolated and lonely, but I dont want to be around anybody, and I can't bare the thought of this being my entire life without any chance of it getting better. + +Could anyone maybe just tell me if you have any similar experiences or advice? I'm just not sure what to do.",Autism and AvPD crossover?,3 +777,"I think that living inside your own head for too long makes the mind over-work itself. + +https://preview.redd.it/ocw56p9co3ga1.jpg?width=541&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=010d071045a4ff5fd97d35d355850b3f45cca43a","How I respond to short, to the point questions.",3 +778,"Yeah... let me tell you, I might have nightmares about it. + +My job lets me book working hours at any point of night or day. So I naturally started booking weekends... + +Nobody comes on the weekends, so I stopped preparing as much. This weekend, I went to my job without washing my hear and with home clothes. I thought nobody is going to be there... why did I do that ahhhhh + +Not a long while after I arrived, some of my collegues messages me that he wants me to work for 15-30 minutes more that day, because he left his laptop at a restaurant and he wants to get it back... and he's coming to the office in 30 minutes ;--; + +Welp, they got us + +But my collegue is not by boss right? Why does the title mention my boss then? + +After my collegue arrived, my boss ""dropped in"" xd. He had a conversation with me about me working a little less past month (91h, the limit at my company is 84). He asked me if I'm doing ok and all I was able to think in my head is ""he's checking if I'm not liability and it's one of the last straws, soon I'm going to get fired"". I acutally always feared being fired. The fact that I dropped out of uni and don't have a degree AND this job pays a lot and everyone here is very non-controlling makes it much worse. + +I hate it when my mind just hyper-focuses on someone's face and picks up their micro expressions, then concludes they have no respect for me. + +Of course, all of this is projection... but relly, it would be terrible if I lost this job. I have no qualification, and I only got here because I was recommended + they have a policy that they always hire.",I Just Talked With My Boss...,3 +779,"I'm a male in my late 30s, struggling to find traction in terms of being able to support myself. Recently, I've only lasted a few weeks in a couple of different environments, retail and warehouse. I could do the actual jobs well enough but I get tripped up socially, targeted by others, and quit as a consequence. + +I've had a difficult time throughout my adult years sustaining employment. There have been times where I had long term prospects but they ultimately ended badly. This has me in a pretty desperate mindset and I've decided to seek services for help finding something suitable. + +What I want, ideally, is to have a space to work as independently as possible, with low social expectations and predictable responsibilities. I've been doing some gig work off and on, which meets those requirements, but that isn't a reliable income (and you burn through gas). + +My wife, who makes OK income, is being as patient and supportive as possible with me but we need a second income, especially with living costs skyrocketing. It's crucial that I maintain a job so that I can keep the marriage stable and avoid homelessness, which is what would likely happen if things fall apart. We don't have kids so at least that isn't an issue at stake. + +I should add that I'd never qualify for disability benefits given my education and work history. + +What have others done to be able to support themselves, long term? What accommodations, if any, have you asked for in a job? And finally, has anyone significantly improved their self-image and ability to handle the BS at work? + +Thanks for reading.",New here. A work related conundrum.,3 +780,,The Book of Disquiet - Fernando Pessoa,3 +781,"Hi everyone! I want to share hope if you struggle with your mental health. It took me about 2 years but on my 3rd appeal where I went in front of the judge, I was granted disability for my struggles with my mental health! I’m so relieved, so happy to finally have someone recognize me for what I deal with every day. + +I’m thankful for all the years I hopped from job to job, struggling, for this helped increase my monthly payment amount. It was worth it now. Now I can devote my full attention for healing and continue to better myself. Life is good 💚 Feels good to share something positive for once.",I finally won my disability case!,3 +782,I definitely start to avoid people once I pick up on any small hint they’ve started to dislike me. But does anyone panic and start to avoid people if they show too much interest? It’s like I can’t tolerate more than a moderate level of attention directed towards me and I feel the need to disappear. My therapist calls it dissociating from people.,Hating any kind of attention,3 +783,"Maybe I'm just pathetic, but I feel like I need someone in my life for motivation. I once had someone interested in me (I think anyway lol) and I was the most motivated I had ever been in my whole life. If you're just alone, it's hard to say motivated IMO. I realize this is probably a flawed way of thinking, and I know that you shouldn't rely on other people, but I just feel like I need someone to give me that spark. I feel like a hopeless romantic with zero romantic experience.",Motivation,3 +784,"It is often said that we avoid people unless we have full confidence on them. I kind of confirm that. I am more comfortable with my brother, my mother, my grandmother, my cousin, longtime friends, etc. Would AvPD then be a problem of trust in the others? What do you think?",Do you have people you can trust?,3 +785,"don’t you hate it when your message stays the last on a group chat? +so much attention, I end up deleting my messages later on.",group chat attention,3 +786,"(20F) I moved back home to help my mom lessen the load that's on her with houseworks, physical illness and a stressful season at work. I wanted to get a job to aid the financial situation and to do as much housework as possible so that she'd be relieved. + +Instead, I'm avoiding all the job opportunities, high on anxiety if I manage to land an interview, rejecting the final offer in doubts of my ability to fulfill the employers expectations. I can't imagine myself doing any of the jobs properly so basically I don't even try them. + +And not only that, I've drifted into depression again and have regular involuntary outbursts of crying even in front of her. Which of course puts even more pressure on her. + +I'm a burden, I live off of my parents, not contributing due to my goddamn diminished self worth and avoidant patterns. I have a therapist, but the sessions are just once a week and of course it takes time to establish what we're working on and to start changing the patterns. It's been a month now though and so far so avoidant and depressed. I'm starting to get impatient because I don't want to be a burden any longer. Kinda wishing I never existed because if I unalive myself now, it's going to be just as much of a burden as if I stay alive, avoidant.",I'm a burden,3 +787,"From what I understand of this disorder, it would be difficult/near impossible to actually make them believe it. Is there any way I could? Is it worth trying regardless of the end result? Would it make them uncomfortable? + +Thank you for any responses :)",How would I go about telling a person with AvPD how much I admire them?,3 +788,Except for me? Like I think about suicide all of the time. But had HIV scare and now think I will get paralized from vaccine shot since I have some weird symptoms. I am OCD about it can't think about anything else.,Any hypochondriacs here?,3 +789,"And when I see this I always wonder how long it’ll take them to feel disappointed in me and that I am completely different than what they thought about me. + +From experience it usually takes 1-2 weeks. + +I don’t know what vibes I give that some people just have this assumption that I must be some great person.",People usually feel very highly of me at first,3 +790,"Usually I’m fine, I’ve known I’ll be alone for years, but sometimes the reality of it all comes crashing in. I have so much love to give, but il never get to experience it, being wanted by another person, being loved or being able to love. The thing that 99% of the population will experience, i am denied access to because I happened to receive some shit luck from the universe. How am I meant to accept that? I’ve watched my friends who were just like me, grow into capable adults, experiencing relationships and new friendships while I haven’t moved at all. I’m still the same stupid fucking kid I was at 16, terrified of the world and all the people in it. I am certain my brain wasn’t built for life, not in this world. + +This disorder is fucking brutal, it’s completely ruined my life, all I wanted was to be normal. But now I’m doomed to this loneliness for life. And I can’t ignore it, every piece of media, every time I leave the house, there’s love and couples everywhere. And I’m not mad at them, good for them, I’m just struggling to accept the fact that everybody else gets to experience it and i happen to be one of the unlucky few that doesn’t, all thanks to avpd. It hurts too fucking much, the loneliness eats away at you, all I asked was to feel wanted or validated by even 1 human being but apparently even that is too much. It’s not even about the sex at all, I just want to feel someone else’s warmth, have somebody fall asleep on my chest, feeling safe and secure in my presence, trusting me enough to open up to eachother. + +Avpd is so horrible, this loneliness will 100% drive me to suicide, I’m not far off as it is. No human was meant to live like this, I wouldn’t even call it living. Sure you can survive with avpd, but I don’t think anyone can really say they’re really ‘living’, if I knew I was gonna have to live with this shit I’d have killed myself in the fucking womb, I wish my mum did, she deserves better. Sry for the stupid drunk rant, just had to vent it somewhere. I hate myself so fucking much, I never should have existed, avpd is just too cruel, how can this be my life, how am I mean to be ok with that, how am I meant to participate in society like every one else? I wish I was dead, I should be dead, there’s just no point struggling with the rest of my life if it’s going to be alone. It already hurts this bad, I will not let myself become an old, even lonelier man looking back on a wasted life, wishing I’d have just ended it earlier",Anyone else here forever alone?,3 +791,"But I feel so blocked off. It's funny how I complain about people who are unavailable to me, as I am unavailable to everyone else. Especially my younger sibling. I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt for how I treat him. + +I feel like I'm repeating the cycle that I went through. I completely avoid my younger brother and I've ruined our bond. He doesn't even look at me, and it's my fault because I wouldn't even look at him. I'm sure that hurt him. + +It may not seem like it, but I do try and care about him. When he does look at me I try to make sure I smile. I know how important that is for children. When he asks for a hug I'll give it, even if I don't want to. When he wants to show me something I try to ask questions and give him praise for his creative works. + +I don't do this often enough though. I avoid him because I don't have much to give. Kids in general make me feel uneasy because they need so much from their caretakers, I feel inadequate that I can't give them that. He reminds me of myself when I was younger and it makes me uncomfortable, because I rejected that part myself a long time ago.. + +Kids are authentically themselves, until society molds them. I can already see it happening with him. He's quieter than he used to be. He doesn't look people in the eyes. He shuffles nervously. He stutters. He hides. All things I used to do when I began rejecting myself. I still do these things. My authentic self is locked away, she's still there, but shes completely hidden. + +It's like I want to save my brother before he goes down the same route as me, but I can't even save myself. I just hope he can forgive me :(",I want to be there for others,3 +792,"Do you guys ever have those days where you talk more to people, laugh more and just be happier in general? A day where you don't feel so dead, so unacceptable. I have those days at times and then it goes back to the way it was; being scared of people, my confidence dropping low again and feeling like a void of loneliness.",Social days,3 +793," +I’ve been the quiet girl my entire life and I cannot tell you how many times during school and now work I’ve heard people tell me how quiet I am. One of my teachers once called me “the quietest girl they’d ever known” and I would always get called a mute or asked if I ever talked. And I can’t explain why but every time someone says that to me or even pokes fun at me for it I have to hold back tears and just smile or lightly laugh it off. I don’t even know what to say when someone says that and it makes me feel even worse. I would even go as far as to say it ruins my day because my brain just fixates on that and tells me there’s something wrong with me over and over and it’s all I can think about. I hate it. I know I’m not normal, I know I’m quiet, I know I don’t talk much, so why does it hurt so much when someone tells me that?",does anybody else get overly hurt and offended when somebody comments about how quiet you are?,3 +794,That is all.,"Other people have a better image of me than I have of myself. And, that both frightens me and gives me hope.",3 +795,"Have you been in social situations that's *actually going well*, then suddenly you get this wave of self awareness like ""oh yeah, I'm me and I'm probably weirding everyone out"" so you step away to avoid any further cringing? + +What is this and how do I get it to stop? 💀",sudden sense of self awareness making you want to leave social situations?,3 +796,"i honestly feel like i've had a brain injury of some sort. in like 80% of conversations, even with family members, i simply have no idea what to say in a conversation. my mind is a complete blank, even in what would be a pretty standard, 'easy' conversation. it's like i'm paralysed or something. i either mumble something only to retract it, or just say nothing at all. it's awful, and it makes me not want to talk to people even more because i don't want to put them in an awkward, uncomfortable situation and make them think even worse of me. i'm really pessimistic about ever making friendships or even mere acquaintances nowadays. i literally have nothing to say, i feel so socially inept that i just don't bother anymore. + +it didn't used to be this way, either. i was confident, talkative, i had friends who i'd talk with long into the night. even with people who weren't my friends, i could still hold a pretty decent conversation. where did that go? it feels like that part of me just left one day, i don't know why or even when it did. it just left. + +i'm usually pretty fine about this. i don't crave intimacy or friendship and am pretty content by myself. but sometimes it just hits me how screwed i am. a family member had surgery recently and i texted them to see how they were doing. that resulted in them trying to have a conversation, what with them being on bedrest and all, but my responses were so... bad. they seemed to think so too, because they stopped replying, haha. i can't blame them in the least for it, too. i wish it wasn't this way, but i don't think there's much i can do about it either. this blankness, it feels like it'll be there forever. like some kind of inpenetrable fog muffling my thoughts, blocking off any higher function. + +DAE experience this kind of thing? does it get better with time? how do you deal with it, if at all?",constantly drawing a blank/brain fog,3 +797,"Hello, this is my first time posting on here! I’m 26 (F) and have never been in a relationship. I have no friends. When I was in high school I had one friend but we parted and went separate ways. So the past couple years all I have been doing is listening to music with headphones on, playing games, watching films and daydreaming about love. I sometimes go out for walks in nature. I wish I could do fun stuff with someone one day. + +I recently came across someone who I’m interested in. We’ve talked and they seem nice. We have similar interests but I’m afraid of speaking up and telling them how I feel. It sucks having this because my negative self talk wins and I run away from people. Sigh, this is hard! :(",Isolation 10 Years: Lonely and want Love,3 +798,"I'm very worried about my brother (29) and not sure how to help him so I've been doing research and a lot of the characteristics of AvPD seem to match. He's my roommate and he hasn't worked in 2 years and just stays home all day on his computer the majority of his time and will not get a job. However, his personality is very outgoing and he's like the ""life of the party"" when we he is out. He just doesn't want to do anything and my parents said he has been like this since he was a kid. I'm pretty sure he has expressed he feels like he wasn't good enough since he was a kid, he's dyslexic so he was never able to get good grades and had to try lots of different schools, etc. I don't know how to help him because he says he's fine and doesn't open up to anyone so I really have no idea what's going on in his head.",Can you be outgoing and have AvPD?,3 +799,"went through my facebook conversations from years ago today and i got so emotional. i used to speak to so many people. and i sounded so neurotypical. a lot of the messages from these ppl were rlly sweet + +i started crying bc i couldn’t believe there was a time when people actually loved me. i’m so used to people being disgusted /repulsed by me. like no one i’ve met in the past few years has actually liked me + +i used to be real - i had hopes, dreams, stories to share. i was physically attractive and (moderately) smart. + +it all went downhill when i moved abroad for college. i’ve always struggled socially so when i realized that i didn’t have to talk to ppl to survive, i isolated myself + +4 years later and i’m a completely different person. there is nothing inside me. i’m empty. just a lifeless being waiting for death. i don’t recognize the girl that wrote those texts. + +my cognitive abilities have significantly declined - i used to write so well and now i can’t even string a coherent sentence together. i’m so negative and hateful. i have zero empathy. i cannot carry a conversation anymore. i’m constantly disassociated from reality. i haven’t had friends in years. the only people i talk to are my parents and my grandma + +i’d to anything to go back in time and fix it all. ☹️ that girl didn’t deserve what i did to her.",i was a real person… and then i ruined everything,3 +800,"It's helping me resolve my avoidant characteristics. + +It's helping me fight off people's neuroticism and hystericism.",Realizing that the world doesn't care about your feelings and your life-story is sort of liberating.,3 +801,"When you have avpd, you avoid forming relationships, ight?Therefore most of us prefer living like hermits. The point I am trying to make is, is there anyone else who notice that they can't carry even simplest chit chats?When someone tries to talk to me and asks anything, I try my best to come up with an answer but it feels like there is some sort of static in my head, the white noise. I guess it's because I heavily prefer my fantasies over real life 😅",Communication,3 +802,"Two weeks ago I would’ve sworn I had avpd but I think maybe I just wasn’t trying hard enough to talk to people all these years. Like part of me was scared so I gave up. Because now I am actually trying and it is getting easier. And I’m forcing myself to talk and (trying to) be open with people and yes it’s hard as fuck and I still have social anxiety but I am actually doing it. Thoughts? Would it be a lot harder if I had avpd? + +It’s still hard but the thing is it gets easier every time I talk to someone. And I was homeschooled and also had no social contact outside my family for like 8 months so I have a lot of inexperience.",Can you force yourself to talk to people?,3 +803,"Somewhat recently someone at work who saw I was very avoidant actually decided to talk to me and encourage me to get more connected to people. I took some of it to heart and did just that even if it was just online. I had some nice little projects going on, met some great people but then everything just went sideways in my life all at once and now I'm slipping back into being almost entirely invisible again and I don't want to be but it feels like all I have to offer now because of it is negativity right now. In a nutshell a lot of family stuff went down and I even am now having a technical problem with my music project I can't find out the issue of and I'm just spending more and more money trying to fix it. The one thing. I found that I enjoy doing and was finally making progress with completely over the course of a single night went under for me. I swear it's like I'm cursed. Everything I love turns to crap and any good times I have in life are always immediately at some point halted by complete tragic BS. It never ends and I just retreat back into myself again repeating all of the old cycles. Is there anyone that can relate? I don't expect any solutions cause I don't even think there is any besides just doing my thing and moving on.",I can't win *rant incoming*,3 +804,"How do you deal with casually dating? Got out of an long term relationship a few months ago, wasn't looking for anything serious and just dating for fun. And then the man I was dating told me he was hitting it off with his ex gf again. And I started to spiral badly down the I'm not good enough hole.. although I'm not even looking for a serious relationship. Sometimes it's difficult to differentiate between normal human experience and my disorder in terms of what are socially expected feelings or behaviors in these kind of situations.",Casual dating,3 +805,"Having it, posting, seeing what other people are up to etc.. +Reddit doesn’t count. I’m referencing instagram, Facebook etc where you have to put public information about yourself in there",How do you feel about social media?,3 +806,"Hello everyone, lurker for a small while now. I'm 24M. + +I'm in the process of getting diagnosed, cause my life is shit and I continually fail at anything and have no friends and never had a romantic relationship. Everything points to AvPD according to the psychiatric place I'm being diagnosed in, so I figured I'd check out the sub some time ago. I resonate with a lot of people in here, so I felt like I'd chip in a bit. + +I've essentially lived in complete isolation for 3-4 months now except to buy groceries (on sick leave from my vocational school), only very rarely seeing family in that time. All social interaction is through online games (not that this has ever really been much different), which I do think help ground me a bit more in reality. I know that some of you guys have gone years without even that, and I'm sorry to hear it. I want to get better, finish my education, have one or two friends, a Roma tic relationship and a job. But life is fucking hard and most of the time it feels like a fact that none of it will ever happen, seriously fuck living like this. + +I'm getting a little hope from knowing more about AvPD and that I most likely am about to be diagnosed, so I can get help, but even still I've had times today where I just feel like human waste that shouldn't be allowed to exist. I'm scared of getting hurt so I've never attempted suicide, even though I've fantasized about it a lot. I also couldn't bring myself to do anything like it because of my family, sometimes they're all that holds me from crossing my fear. + +Anyways onto more non-death related shit, earlier I ordered food and have put a note to the delivery driver to just ring the doorbell and place it on the mat. I really hope they got the note, cause I look fucking terrible and struggle with taking regular baths. Besides my apartment looks so bad I'd rather not have anyone look inside, so yeah kinda just hope to be able to pick up my food in peace. + +That's all I have for today, besides all the shit everyone here struggles with, I wish you the best possible day","Hello, new here",3 +807,"Just wondering, because my avoidance is, next to many reasons, a result of misanthropy. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10rp684)",Are you a misanthrope?,3 +808,"if you have or had a therapist. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10rsbtu)","Do you think/feel your therapist ""gets"" you and your AVPD ?",3 +809,"A talks to me, B is her friend. transcript of bits of the conversation: + +A: “hi (name)!!!” +*i didn’t know how to answer* +A: “you’re so funny, you know that?” +A: “hi (name)!!!” +*panicking* +A: “you’re really funny hahahaha!” +this repeats for very long. + +A: “omg you’re so interesting i am super interested okay. wow you’re so mysterious!” +B: “stop being so fake, it’s so obvious.” +A: “shut up, don’t listen to B.” +B: “she’s lying.” + +A: “i didn’t know that about you!!!!!! omg B did you know that he likes (this and that)? i’m so excited this is so interesting!” + +B: “stop he doesn’t want to talk to you it’s obvious.” +A: “hey (name), you love to talk to me right? i’m nice to talk to right?” + +A: “why aren��t you talking to me?? is it because i’m annoying? tell me!!!” + +A: “why don’t you ever talk???? you’re like so mysterious okay i know nothing about you! do you just not like to talk? that’s so sad!!!!” + +i was forced to give her my instagram. + +A (to B): “look i got (name)‘s instagram!! such an achievement, you don’t even have it!” + + + +it feels like i’m a zoo animal, the way she talks to B in front of my face like how visitors excitedly talk to their friends after a monkey imitates their actions.","awful interaction, never again",3 +810,I've spent my whole life avoiding social situations that cause discomfort. I feel for me personally the end result has been not feeling a sense of fulfillment. This life is so short and we have to make the absolute best of it we can while we are able to. But I let everything fall by the wayside. I let my avoidance control me and continue to fail to accomplish anything or hold fulfilling relationships. Even if I miraculously get it under control I'll still have all of these years I spent in isolation doing nothing of value. I fear that on my deathbed I'll be alone looking back on my life in regret. Does anybody else feel this? That their time has been somewhat robbed by AvPD? I know it falls on me to make the change and that I can't play the victim but the regret is still there.,The regret of avoidance,3 +811,,¿How's your sense of humor?,3 +812," + +Being ugly has made me feel like a FUCKING ROBOT. I’m sooo fucking jealous of everyone everywhere. Everyone at my job has these personalities that they just express without thinking of how the other person will perceive them. They crack lame jokes witty jokes and everyone laughs and accepts it and they all act like they’re brothers and sisters. Of course I’m the fucking outcast who is quiet all the time and doesn’t say anything but robotic one liners…. BECAUSE I FEEK LIKE THATS ALL I CAN DO. Anytime I’ve tried being funny and more comfortable I got shot down so many times. People would say “who tf says that” “shut up” or just flat out ignore me opposed to how they laugh with each other and and add on to each other’s jokes + +I feel like I have to constantly watch what I say every fucking time I’m talking to anyone. People have said “kobes weird hes too quiet hes a loner” but like I’m only quiet cause I feel like people will consider me lame and annoying if I try expressing myself and talking to them… it’s not fair no one else has these fears and I’m essentially trapped in my brain locked out from making any meaningful connections + +The worst part is I don’t even think this is fixable. It’s been this way for basically my whole life. Like whenever I tried to take a leap and express myself I’ve mostly been shot down and looked at like I was special needs and it’s dehumanizing and isolating I don’t know what tf to do. I’m so sick of being cursed to ugliness and this sub I just want to live my fucking life and connect with people + +I feel like when YOURE ugly you’re not allowed to really express yourself and joke like everyone else because people will automatically take offense to it + +So unfortunately even tho I want to connect with people I stay to myself cause I feel like I’m unbearably boring and awkward and like people don’t like me and would rather not talk to me soo… fuck",This shit SUCKS can’t even freely express yourself and connect with people,3 +813,"It's the one thing that drives me insane. + +I am sick of being surrounded by adults who are an emotional burden on me. + +I don't mind material burdens. + +But, emotional ones? + +They scare me to death.",Anyone else here have a fear of emotional burdens?,3 +814,"I wonder if this applies to you guys as well, because, honestly, this may just be my quirk. + +I noticed that I don’t contribute much to conversations because I have this weird fear of accidentally offending or hurting the people I’m talking to. It’s like walking on eggshells: I overthink everything a thousand times before actually saying it. + +It’s also why I shy away from relationships. I don’t want my partner to be unhappy because of me, so I don’t even try.",Fear of harming others,3 +815,"I met a girl online in November and we tried to hit it off. It was a sort of long distance relationship, since she lives about an hour's drive from me, not critical, but we don't have a car (neither of us) or days off to see eachother too often. In fact, we've never met. + +On new year's eve, she was attacked by a mutual acquaintance and she got bummed out and always kept apologizing when she thought she offended me. + +I felt so bad every time. I ""broke up"" a few days ago (I dont know if you can really call it a break up since we never even met yet) because I felt like garbage and I didn't want her to depend on me, since I don't even know what to do to take care of myself. + +I didn't even have the courage to hear her afterwards. I apologized in advance in my last message to her and archived and silenced her chat before she could even text me back. + +I... + +Pat me on the back pls...",I'm ashamed of myself.,3 +816,"Does anyone know of any good books about avoidant personality disorder? When I search Amazon, not that many come up and the two main ones that are from a psychologist are $50!",Any good books about avpd?,3 +817,"I am apperently ISTP-T based of [16personalities](https://www.16personalities.com). + +What is your personality? You can take test on the link I shared, it’s free.",What is your Myers-Briggs personality?,3 +818,,anyone almost 100% alone all the time,3 +819,"As someone with a speech impediment (Childhood Apraxia of Speech) and (currently undiagnosed) AVPD, along with selective mutism, It’s frustrating that this whole society seems to be based off social interaction. I’m almost 18 and realized that I should be looking for a (temporary) job by then so I’m not a complete failure living in their parents house (no offense to anyone who does, I set high standards for myself.) I see everyone else around my age and younger getting the easiest jobs where they literally just have to sit at a cash register all day and they get some good money. It’s frustrating me to my core as I can never get an easy job like them as I can’t handle social interaction or talking. I try to look for alternative jobs but every single one of them pops up with “Requires excellent communication skills” or “Verbal communication required.” Even working as a stocker or in a kitchen apparently requires communication! For the life of me I can not communicate well with people as I automatically freeze up and go into panic mode inside. Even at the small school I volunteer at I can barely even force out a word, I just do my job silently before leaving. They probably are only letting me help out of pity. I even considered being a police officer for a while until I realized that you needed communication for that too. I’m more fucking scared of talking to people then of tackling down murders. Today my girlfriend was looking for tutoring jobs and I just cried seeing how easy it is for her and everyone else not having to even care about social interaction. I hate living in this world that’s built around people who can talk.",Tired of needing “Communication Skills” to survive in this world.,3 +820,,These are the lyrics to The Leper by Dinosaur Jr. AVPD vibes? Their whole first album is like this and to an extent all of their discography,3 +821,and then I go back to being alone,"everytime I think a potential relationship is on the cusp of improving, I end up being wrong",3 +822,"After having gotten in trouble at work for showing up late and being tired at work multiple times now and realizing that while I‘m in training I‘ve mostly been given boring tasks where I learn nothing and this won’t change anytime soon, I‘ve now not shown up to work and ghosted everybody from work two days straight. My country has decent labour laws regarding trainees so they probably won’t attempt to fire me yet, but I‘m definitely getting closer and closer to being in danger. + +I need to finish this training because I wanna go to university, which I can’t otherwise. I‘m 25 and need to move forward in life sometime to get to a place where I can actually do something interesting for a living or I‘m gonna go crazy. + +I work an office job. How do you guys deal with workplace issues? What has worked for you? Help…",How do you deal with work?,3 +823,,ok so how to build a support system?,3 +824,"So there are beliefs that AvPD is caused by neglect of parents or caretakers. + +And then when you grow up you realize you have this and even this disorder itself is neglected. + +So individuals having this disorder are basically neglected in every way for their entire life. From parents neglecting them, to society neglecting their disorder. 🫠",AvPD is neglected disorder,3 +825,"My life was normal until my father died at 7 and my mom left at 9. I experienced childhood trauma, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and neglect by the people that raised me. Not only that, I come from a strict religious immigrant family so along with all those issues, I was never allowed to leave the house much. My family also never went out and did anything and they also never showed me any love or affection. + +This was my life growing up until I finally moved out at 22. I’ve since been doing better for myself as I’ve graduated college and have a career now. But the damage was so severe that I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover. My upbringing made me lonely that I never had many friends. Verbal abuse made me mute and unable to talk back so I can’t talk with cluttering. I do not have much confidence or self esteem. I still do this day don’t have many friends or much of a social life. I also have a hard time dating and at 28 still have not hooked up with a girl outside is kissing and making out. + +I look at my life and the look at everyone else. They all had loving caring parents, siblings to play with, and grew up with all the love and compassion in the world. They have many friends, they have boyfriends, they have girlfriends, they don’t have speech issues, etc. They just seem to be able to live life normally unlike me. + +I did nothing wrong to deserve the things that happened to me as a kid as all of it out of out my control. But sometimes I ask myself, why me? Just why? I was given only one life on this planet, why did my life go like this? Why does everyone else get love and compassion while I got nothing but misery?",Do you guys ever wonder why you couldn’t have just had a normal life like everyone else?,3 +826,"NOW, FOR many this is a reminder... If you want something natural and holistic, free, self driven,..etc this may be for you. I share my thoughts here: + +[https://youtube.com/live/L8aE5a-3bds](https://youtube.com/live/L8aE5a-3bds) + +[\(My page theme\)](https://preview.redd.it/11ba8eu2ulfa1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=928341e12b4e948e79c749875b90f67b75ee0f46)",3 practices I use to alleviate my social anxiety QUICKLY.,3 +827,"I got rejected recently and it caused me to spiral really *badly*. My brain went straight into ""see, I knew you weren't good enough"", ""ofc you're not their type"", ""ofc they only wanted you for your body"", ""nobody will want you romantically"" + +It got so bad that I started having physical pains. I had to literally interrupt that mean voice and say ""woah, you're hurting yourself and you need to stop"". It takes practice but it's very important to interrupt that shitty inner critic. Its going to look for any proof that you're not good enough and you have to challenge it + +So I reminded myself ""hey, maybe this person genuinely meant it when they said they're not ready for a relationship"". I had to tell myself maybe they have their own emotional blocks that's stopping them. And I had to refer to my fav quote of all time when it comes to rejection ""you can be the ripest peach, and there's always someone that just doesn't like peaches"" + +Please, if you're able to, create that positive voice that challenges negative thoughts. It's not a cure ofc but over time you will start to have more compassion for yourself and your inherent value.",You really do have to be your own best friend 🥲,3 +828,"Me again having another midlife crisis? I can't function in life. I have adhd and may have a bunch of other problems so I don't know if it's related to avpd or not. + +I forgot to take my thyroid hormone two days straight and I also didn't buy my antidepressants for some stupid reason. When I finally went to buy them, they were out of stock. So yesterday I was super sad and vulnerable and also feeling physically drained like was going to pass out. Then came the anxiety and crying. + +Today, thanks to my mom, I bought my life numbing drugs (after being scolded like a kid), and I'm having another melt down. I don't know who I am anymore. Am I this mess of a person or is it the drugs? When I'm ok am I really ok? I feel so incompetent, so stupid, so weak. I can't take care of myself. My house is messy even though I try every single day to make it beautiful, I have no job (and zero courage or motivation to get one), no independence. I feel so scared of everything, of being alone in the end, and dying alone. And knowing my life depends on me taking the thyroid hormones doesn't help. + +I need people so much but I'm terrified to reach out and be rejected. I'm afraid my husband will leave me even though he is super caring and loving. I'm afraid once people see the black hole in my chest they'll run away. I shouldn't need another human being like this since I'm in my 30s already. + +Don't even know where I'm going with this post. I just feel like life is incredibly hard for me but only in my head. I have it easy and I'm struggling to survive and maybe it'll always be like this because of avpd....?","Avpd, Adhd, anxiety, being an adult.",3 +829," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10qopnv)",Does Philosophy Interests You?,3 +830,"I want to be able to talk to someone deeply about my avoidance and other issues, I can’t stand keeping it all inside me anymore, but I feel like once I start talking about these things to anyone I just come across as victimizing myself. +I’m slowly losing connections day by day but even when indirectly called out for it by friends or family, I still can’t find the courage to do anything about it. + +I know I’m capable of developing strong relationships given enough time, but the problem is most people don’t have that patience, or they’re unable to reason with my POV.",Tired of bottling it all up,3 +831,"I told someone how I truly felt about them. I knew I wasn't going to get the results I wanted, but their reply was sweet and gentle and did not come across as complete rejection. I walked away from the conversation in no more pain than I was in when I started it. I can at least live knowing that I didn't let my anxiety keep my from taking the chance. I don't think anything will change between us as a result of the conversation, which is good as they are a good friend of mine and I would hate to lose that. + +Life has been weird lately, I have discussed my feelings about this person with someone else which is something I wouldn't have ever thought I could do. I think that has helped me gather the strength to talk to the other person directly. Whatever works, right?",I made my feelings known despite knowing I wasn't going to get the results I wanted.,3 +832,"I think today's the first day I truly felt invisible, and I'm honestly glad. It was my first in-person class in a while and required discussion participation for a grade. But all I had to say was one sentence and then I could happily mind my own business. It's incredibly relieving to just do your own thing, not wonder about what others think of you, and not be expected to be a vital member of the class. That's why it's so important to learn about yourself to be comfortable in your own skin, to the point where you feel that you don't have to justify being yourself.",Invisibility!!,3 +833,"Does anyone else really love and care for those around you but feel physically incapable of expressing it? Not just verbally but by interacting with them at all. I'll go to family events and think how much I love everyone there but am too anxious to join in on talking to people. I feel like people think I don't like them when that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm so uncomfortable and embarrassed by expressing affection itself too. It's like there's this block in my head that prevents me from getting the words out. + +This is why I know I'd be incapable of a romantic relationship (never had one). These things are a crucial part of them but I'm incapable of doing them.",Is anyone else full of love but unable to express it?,3 +834,"Anyone have those? + +They are especially dangerous because they will pass their emotional burdens onto you when you're still a child. + +Thereby, hindering your own emotional development and making it harder for you to address the emotional needs of other people like you're supposed to be able to do as adults.",Emotionally-stunted and Emotionally-needy parents,3 +835,"the last time my (only) friend was in a terribly dark place i left her messages unread for two days, and when i *finally* felt like i could actually handle responding i could barely come up with two pathetic fucking sentences. i appreciate that she left it on read and hasn't brought it up again instead of telling me just how absolutely shitty and unhelpful i was. + +now, she's tweeting about feeling ""stranded on a desserted island by myself,"" less than an hour ago, and i feel like such a selfish disgusting piece of shit but I don't know how to comfort her or be there for her at all bc i don't feel like i can handle it. i can hardly handle my own bullshit. I can't be of any help. I can't even just listen and be a shoulder to cry on good enough bc i'm too much of a coward. + +i think i just deserve to be alone. to rot. i'm not worthy of connections or relationships. they're meant to be two-sided and I can't hold up my end up the bargain. i hope i die alone so i stop hurting people.",i don’t think i have the capacity to be a good friend,3 +836,"I have been feeling okay for quite a while now, I'm hyperfocusing on things that make me happy so my brain is just too busy to think about negative things. However, i know for a fact my AvPD gets significantly worse when my period is approaching. My mood plummets entirely, I start becoming really mistrustful of other people's intentions, I isolate and i completely lose hope in the future. There's also a really important exam coming up soon and I really want to have 100% of my head in the game rather than worrying about how much of a terrible failure I am and how everyone actually pretends to tolerate me but would rather have me gone from their lives. +Any advice from anyone who has a good strategy with dealing with PMS and AvPD at the same time?",PMS and AvPD,3 +837,"Hello, I’m a teenager that needs to go to school. +My “scholar first day” of the year is close! +Got no friends. +It’s the school I studied at my whole life. I was too afraid to move to a different one. +It’s my last year of school. +First year alone, my friend had to go… +Everyone, smh, knows me as the weird, quiet, nerd, lonely, (and more, like asocial) kid. +It’s been a year since I got diagnosed with that thing. +I made so much sense, I thought I could finally move on and magically turn very social and all…… wrong. +I didn’t what to be by my self, I feel so awkward. +But I am scared of people, omg! +Any advice? I feel like I have nothing else to do, but to say no word all day, blame myself, isolate much more… +I like to study. I hate school. I can’t socialize no matter what (at least say “good morning”)",School years,3 +838,"For as long as I can remember, all my friendships have been due to me taking the initiative. Asking the other person about their life and making plans. If I stop doing this, I stop having friends. + +I wonder what this says about me. The only thing that comes to mind when facing this fact is ""Am I that reprehensible?"". And I know that sounds like I am expecting things of people but isn't a friendship supposed to be a 2-way street? + +I feel so crushingly lonely when I think about all this. There's this video from Kurzgesagt about loneliness and in that they say that the feeling of loneliness has the evolutionary purpose of saving you from the threat of being excluded from the tribe. If these were the days when humans lived in tribes I would basically be deemed to not be worthy of survival. + +Every friendship that starts has so much at stake for me. I can't face another one-sided thing. It's such a slap in the face, like I'm not worth knowing. Which is why I avoid investing myself in anything nowadays. + +These strings of continuous unreciprocated experiences have left me incapable of taking care of myself. Everything I do for myself feels not worth doing. Even talking about myself feels like a waste of time. If I try so hard to be part of the world and it rejects me, why should I care to survive at all?","Nobody takes an interest in me, so I stopped taking an interest in myself",3 +839,"My inner critic sounds exactly like Gordon Ramsay screaming and throwing pots and pans down at people’s feet when I say something awkward + +Where’s my restaurant for all this effort?! Lmao",Having avpd is Hell’s Kitchen but you’re both Gordon and a contestant 🤦🏻‍♂️,3 +840,"So yeah, I did it. Or atleast I am doing it. I dont't know what will happen next. It was always a distant dream of mine to just leave everything behind. Maybe you can relate. + +I quit my job and my appartment. I left my cozy first world country with a one way ticket to India. Currently I am touring Rajestan on a motorcycle. The only contact to my ""old"" life is my family. Even though I would like to cut contact I can't bring myself to do it. It would break my mothers heart. + +I eat way too much (seriously the food is amazing) and get stared and begged at alot because i am a western guy. Some days I don't leave my hotel room. Other days I drive 300km on busy roads. + +You probably know this feeling. The ambivalence is killing me. I love being alone but at the same time I miss not being alone. And often I think doing this was a big mistake. The whole experience is.. meh.. + +And because I dont know where to go or what to do planning anything is impossible. Right now I have 50k in savings. But what for? + +The only thing I always hear in my head is: ""Wherever you go there you are"". And atleast that's true. + +Thanks for reading, if you have any questions feel free to ask. :) + +Advice is also greatly appreciated",I did it: I gave up my old life,3 +841,,how would you describe this disorder to someone who’s never heard of it?,3 +842,"I just received an e-mail with an answer and I started freaking out and writing this message in order to delay my opening it. Could that be considered a symptom? lol + +Now, seriously, I've never even spoken about this out loud with anyone and I'm freaking out right now. Will I be able to go get tested? It's so silly, but I'm afraid I will only have regular anxiety and I'll be embarrassed about making a whole deal about it. + +Anyway, I'll put on some relaxing music and open it... (at some point) + +EDIT: so, they're sending me a phone number to get in touch with them. Like, seriously, a voice call?? I CANNOT. + +EDIT 2: It just occurred to me, what if it's a test already? I doubt it, but I'm really surprised they asked a possible AVPD person to make a phone call. + +EDIT 3: I just texted this woman, and told her ""If you don't mind, it's more comfortable for me to speak this way"". Then she texted me back: ""I'm on the subway now, I'll call you asap"". *(facepalm)* I really need help, but I'm starting to regret it right now. + +EDIT 4: More than a day later, they called me, and I didn't pick it up. I am bothered by the fact that they should be more sensitive, considering they're specialised in these kinds of disorders. Immediately afterwards, they texted me, and I thought they would have realised and would communicate by text. But the text said, ""You have a missed call from me. Tell me when you're available"". *(sigh)* I think I'll try to tell my current therapist after all, because it gives me less anxiety than changing.",I finally gathered the courage to ask for an AVPD evaluation. Just got a response in my e-mail and I started procrastinating to not open it.,3 +843,"I'm a sophomore in college, and I've totally given up on making friends. My issue isn't with finding a group to ""fit in with"", but rather just surviving my classes. All my courses this semester have a large amount of group and partner work, and lately I've been skipping or running out of class to avoid it. + +Does anyone have any tips for getting through these interactions? I'm absolutely terrified of people my age, due to unpleasant experiences in elementary and middle school. I don't want this to ruin my grades.",Advice for AvPD college students?,3 +844,"This is almost like a cosmic joke! + +This course is definition of criticism. Working sleepless nights on projects overthinking of the negative reviews is constant nightmare and I'm excelling the art of escapism. + +I'm 23, and this is the THIRD fucking time I discontinued college. THRICE. + +I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was always avoidant from before I even had the memory of it but I thought that was just my normal nature. + +I just discovered that I have AvPD from the recurring symptoms. It is destroying my life. It's progressing on the path to hell. It all makes sense now. My choices. My running away. The pattern is embedded deep into my subconscious. I feel hopeless and suicidal. + +I have never been to therapy, haven't talked about it to anyone yet. My family might be supportive although none of us has ever been to therapy before. I'm hanging onto this little hope that I could do better with professional help. It's not too late. Should I tell them or not. Idk. + +That being said, guys, has anyone been to therapy or something that has seen improvements for the sake of life?",Architecture student with AvPD.,3 +845,,Can AvPD stem from untreated social anxiety?,3 +846,"I've been asked to self refer to a network of group therapy, I think it will be a good way to meet others who have this disorder but at the same time I am terrified, especially about speaking publicly and opening up to a group of people, has any here ever tried it or are you currently in a group therapy? I'd love to hear your experiences. + +Thank you.",Group therapy is it a good idea?,3 +847,"anybody else? i find i get very jealous when others share my same interests, yea. i know it sounds like im an asshole. this feeling has been stuck with me since i was little. + +like when someone mentions they have the same interest, i immediately feel worthless. its like, wow okay. who needs me? nobody. i don’t stand a chance. + +or someone posts about it and a bunch of other people are also into it. i feel so bland and competitive and ready to give up. they know more than me, they’re better than me, im not cool or special, they will succeed and i wont. + +the other day i saw a post which mentioned my future career idea, which was somewhat uncommon. 20k likes. i felt like giving up because i just feel so small and useless now? i dont know how to describe it really. + +i know this probably sounds like im looking too far into it.. + +edit: thank u for the comments. glad to know im not alone in this feeling, and thank u for the advice some of u gave. :)",can’t stand people with the same interests,3 +848,"If it's two different disorders, there should be someone who is avpd without sad although many people have both disorders + +Or are these just different aspects of same thing",Are there people with avpd who do not have SAD?,3 +849,"[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYGD4JtFscI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYGD4JtFscI) + +Was just watching this classic again the other day. Poor Adrian. What do you guys think? Is this AvPD?",Adrian from the movie Rocky,3 +850,it seems like every time i try interacting with someone it just gets ignored. no matter what. even if i ask questions as to prompt a reply it's like i don't exist or nothing i say is of enough value to pay attention to. i don't get what i'm doing so wrong,do you also feel invisible?,3 +851,"i’m not grossly unhealthy, but one of the most unfit person alive (can barely do 1/3 a push up type bad). i’ve tried working out thrice but i kept quitting one week in due to the embarrassment of trying to improve. i also hated to be reminded that i’m weak, which floods my mind whenever i do an exercise. + +but i was wondering, did working out manage to help anyone? should i try again, or just give up?",does working out help?,3 +852,"I have been hiding from people for so long. Even when I was going to school I was finding ways to hide from the world. + +I got sad again and randomly searched ""avoidance"" on YouTube and one video that popped up was from this guy called Dr. K. I guess he's a popular mental health streamer on Twitch and a psychiatrist who works at Harvard. + +I don't really play video games anymore, but I do think I have an internet addiction. Back in the day I definitely used video games as a crutch and it prevented me from being outside and meeting people, so I do relate to those who have gaming addiction + avoidance. A lot of the points he was making in his videos resonated with me. He talked about how a lot of gamers are actually fairly smart. Now part of this felt like he was blowing smoke up his audience's ass, but on the other hand, I can see a lot of introverted, smart, but shy types gravitating towards games. A lot of the people I knew growing up who gamed were pretty smart people, even the ""lazy"" ones who never amounted to anything in life. + +Now, the part that I wanted to go over was the avoidance aspect of life. He mentioned how a lot of these gaming addicts are told they are smart and find school to be fairly easy early in their life, so they don't really struggle early in life, but later as they get older they lack the necessary abilities to succeed. Their self-conscious nature makes them wilt under the pressure of being judged. Anything that makes them appear as not intelligent immediately triggers avoidance. What a lot of these people don't understand is that they need to gain experience, not intelligence in order to succeed. + +I looked up Dr. K's history and it seems like he was struggling college student with a video game addiction and dropped out of school briefly to join some monastery in India. He came back and succeeded and went to medical school and became a psychiatrist. So I guess he's proof that fighting avoidance works. + +But what do people who have wasted so much of their life and are already 30 able to do? He had the luxury of taking a dramatic step when he was 20 and able to come back and succeed. Not to mention that he is obviously capable of putting himself out there. Again, this could be due to ""experience"" and desensitizing himself, but how many of us would even be able to have the courage to pack our bags and go to a monetary. For someone like me, my mind is a confusing mess that a step like that would be met with a million different excuses to avoid doing that. + +I find that a lot of ""success"" stories ignore that the people who were struggling were not as extreme as a lot of people like myself.","How do you even expose yourself to the public or gain ""experience"" when you are 30+?",3 +853," It was awful, I hated it and I am so afraid of going in there again.. + + I don't want to go much into details but the whole day I kept forgetting every fucking thing I was told. I kept zoning out, asking a lot of questions (a lot of times the same kind of questions again and again), being slow because how much I was overwhelmed. I kept telling myself that I am giving it my best, it's my first day and no one should expect me being immediately perfect in this but it didn't really help. I needed to do a lot of multitasking, to keep my eye on multiple things but it seemed that I just couldn't focus. + + In the end I felt extremely inferior to all my co-workers. Whenever some of them would remind me that I was forgetting something/doing something wrong/etc I felt so attacked, crushed, judged... +At some point I even nearly cried but I could suppress it. + + God, I hate this shit. I am aware that 99% of those thoughts I have are completely inadequate and irrational, I am certain that they were just trying to help and guide me, since I am new in there. But why doesn't it help with feeling less worthless..",My first day at the job,3 +854,I hate it. I just want to enjoy life.,I've been feeling so miserable and hopeless this weekend,3 +855,"Just a quick example of what I mean: + +Sometimes you're just talking to a person, and you're getting along great, and you're just in that moment and you're enjoying it in its isolation, and you think ""Wow you now what, maybe things are fine"", and that person says something that just snaps you right back. It's not necessarily political, but one example was a classmate I'm getting along fine with who is a woman but is heavily against feminism, and once a month goes on a rant about it and it makes me just so exhausted and disinterested in pursuing that friendship. The other is my brother who's like ""Oh I'm fine with gay people"" but then yesterday 'joked' about how ""only the women that look like men are real lesbians, I see the 'normal' looking women in lesbian relationships as just experimenting"" + +It's so fucking exhausting and isolating. And I live in a fucking racist homophobic shithole of a country to begin with, and any time I meet at least somewhat of an openminded person they still have that one thread of fascism they refuse to let go of. + +And god it's fucking hard not to see this whole country as a country of neo nazis. No matter how much I try to focus on the positives, all I ever see is people in Pro-Russian protest or people attacking alternative bars or spraying neonazi symbols on city walls. + +It's endlessly fucking depressing. And any time I complain about it to people they all say ""Oh don't look at it like that. Not everybody acts or thinks the way they think"". But it's so hard not to. It feels dishonest and fake not to. + +And I already have trobules with being social and opening up to people and now there's always this layer of ""Oh well I gotta be cautious with what I say about what I think because any person could hold back some fascistic views"" . With men especially. The men here are a whole different kind of intolerant pigs. + +It's so bad that I'm constantly undervaluing my own opinions and thoughts. It fucking sucks. I never verbalize what I think or feel, because this whole culture is built on constant arguments and belittlings and wanting to prove yourself right that it gets so exhausting to socialize. + +And I want to socialize. I desperataely want a friendgroup, and a circle of people I'm comfortable with because I have none of that right now, and it sucks because I can't even break out of that caution to even begin to start looking for people. And it's so hard not to filter people through an Ideological Filter because that's always what it boils down to. + +I don't want to care this much. + +I want to just fuck off the world and just be me. And I can't. I want people. I don't want to want people. It's so fucking lonely.",Generalizing people is ruining me and I don't know how to fix it,3 +856,"So I got a job and I’m super anxious and can’t stop crying. I start on Tuesday or Wednesday, and I'm already nervous for that day to come. I feel a huge fear, can't quite point out what the fear is but something of it is probably the social interaction. I wish something terrible happens to me so I can avoid the first day of work. + +What should i do? I really want to ghost the man(boss), and just wanna stay Home. But my family really wants me to get a job",Job,3 +857," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10oscjl)",Does your AvPD come with or co-exist with social anxiety?,3 +858,"And then I hate the part of me that's focusing on my own feelings instead of the person in need. + +Fck, why can't I just help someone without worrying if I'm gonna say the right thing?",I hate when this fear tries to get in the way of me wanting to help someone.,3 +859,,another banger from The Body Keeps The Score,3 +860,"**TLDR;** My therapist says labels might be helpful/empowering for some but might have a negative effect on others. There’s debates about this in the mental health community. It is in fact harmful for me so, I have decided to stop seeking diagnosis for now. + +_________________________________ + +Recently my therapist told me how mental health labels might help some but have a negative effect on some. + +This discussion started when I requested a written diagnosis from her. + +In my case after discussing labels with her, I was able to come to the conclusion that I tend to dehumanise myself because of the label. + +I treat myself as “diseased” or “nuisance” and often feel bad for not being as good as “normal” people. + +There’s a whole debate even in the mental health community about labels and how sometimes mental health professionals might misuse it. + +So for now, I’ve stopped seeking out a diagnosis. But what about you? **Do you think the “AvPD” label helps you?** + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10o854w)","Honestly, do you think the label “AvPD” does you more harm than good?",3 +861,Excerpt from an article about SAD and AvPD,Do you agree with this statement?,3 +862,"So I've noticed that when I contemplate my inevitable death, I feel strange. I can think about if I die tomorrow, the next day, or amy other time, but when I remind myself that it is virtually impossible for me to live past say 120ish, it feels different. + +I think about how nothing I do will ever prevent me from dying, and really, it is the only time I feel so...human. I feel small and frankly insignificant because nothing I ever do will amount to anything in the face of eternity. + +A hundred years after I die, what should I care? I'd be dead, so whatever I do will only matter to others if it even reaches that far. Besides, by that point whatever hopes I had that my actions benefited someone is dead alongside me. + +What I'm getting at is, I'm nothing more than a collection of matter that gets some pointless shot at doing something for myself and the other matter blobs around me. It feels very human to me, that feeling of nigh nothingness. + +That is why I'd consider myself religious, because it's the voice inside that tells me something as pointless as me is seen and cared about, and that the things that I do will matter for the rest of eternity. + + I know it sounds crazy, and people have told me repeatedly that I'm stupid for believing in anything, but what else do I have? I've gotten as close to the edge as I could before, just to see if I would do it. Clearly I didn't, but if I didn't have some hope that my faith is worth it, well, you know. + +Anyways, what I'm getting at is that I'm religious because it makes me feel wanted, like I have a purpose, even if it's not entirely clear to me or anyone else really. + +I hope y'all have good coping mechanisms too, because I can take a good guess at what my life would look like if I didn't have my faith. + +And for those of you who were hurt in some way because of someone's religion, I'm truly sorry that you had to go through that. Nobody should have to experience that. And I hope you don't think any less of me for my faith, I wouldn't try to hurt someone just because they disagree with me, and I don't get to choose how you live your life. + +At the end of the day, I do sincerely hope y'all are doing okay. ❤️",Contemplating,3 +863,"Looking for sum1 to talk about like our feelings n shit and maybe one day flash bits of our despicable core. Idk could be pretty sweet i think. Ima drug addict with avpd so its kinda hard to do that irl. And dont worry about if u ghost me i get its not personal + +Edit:im 23 + +Edit 2: now im insecure that “flash bits” might be interpreted as sexually. I just meant like itd be cool to share things about self that might come with fears of rejection/hurting others.",(Hope this is allowed) looking for friends,3 +864,"1: If I told someone I was 27 years old and never had a romantic relationship in my life and have no friends at the moment they'd run for the hills and I don't blame them. That's a giant red flag and nobody -- even the most empathetic people want to stick around to find out the reason for that. + +2: I'm like an alien in the eyes of most people. How can somebody relate to not doing anything meaningful their lives and having the drive and motivation of a rock. Most people want to strive for something grand... I'm just content having my basic needs met. + +3: If someone would even give a freak like me a chance there would be no way they'd be able to tolerate me for too long. As a guy I'm sure the way I act is purely pathetic and cowardly to most woman out there. If she doesn't understand my mental illness she'll see me as not a ""real man"" because I'm so sensitive and anxious all the time about trivial things that most people don't even think about. + +Sorry about the pity post, my family thinks one of my New Years goals should be to finally get a girlfriend... Easier said than done. I really don't think anyone would tolerate me and I wouldn't want to burden someone with myself. I'm convinced that I'd only be able to be with someone who has AvPD or SAD however destructive that relationship that may be.","I can't fathom getting or being in a relationship with someone who is ""normal"".",3 +865,,the best possible message one could receive,3 +866,"Mine end up being completely consumed by the other person to the point that I take on their life and forget mine. Then resentment around 6months (used to be 3 yrs) bc I dont exist and I can't seem to integrate anyone in my life. + +Its not fair to them. The start and stop has taken up so many years and energy. I wish I could feel so free w someone that I could just be in my underwear and sing every song I know seriously I would love to feel at ease with someone. I dont stand up for my values, ppl lose respect bc I seem to not have boundaries. My head is screaming but nothing comes out, freeze-run-fawn. + +Do I need to find peace within before attempting to get peace relating to anyone?",What are your romantic relationship patterns?,3 +867,"I find I have many similarities here. + +I’m wondering what does love look like for you? +How do you give it and how would you like to receive it?",Hi! I’m new in this sub,3 +868,"I recently found out that I have been avoiding people and things because of fear of shame and rejections mostly. It has, to be fair affected many areas of my life. + +Almost every single popular post in this sub, (all the behaviors from reading it here and other mental health sites) I find super specific to me. + +It all just clicked in my brain and ever since then I've been purposefully doing the very things that I know for a fact I have more than a significant chance of getting rejected or embarrassed. It feels like I'm trying to move a pillar from my chest and sometimes I just wanna die. But I'm determined. I had one major moment of rejection today and I felt awful, one of the worst feelings. But I kept reminding myself that this is the way towards betterment. Facing my fears is the only way to not be afraid of it anymore. + +I have been feeling very uneasy but also experiencing a lot of new scenarios and feelings (so to speak). + +I'm also very secretive and don't share a lot. The purpose of this post is also to share my vulnerability with you all from my main Reddit account. (In the past I would've done it with an alt 100%). + +I hope anyone struggling with this, find some strength from this that would make me genuinely happy. Also, know that you can also get out of this. One small step for you and me, one giant leap towards betterment!",This Sub has become a blessing in disguise for me,3 +869,"As a kid I was often mistaken as “mature beyond my years.” + +At least I don’t have to worry about smile lines. Through self-conscious terror, I’ve managed to suppress any impulse to have a spontaneous social reaction.","My face looks younger than its 39 years, and I think it’s because I’ve worked my whole life to keep it as expressionless as possible, and not reveal all the turbulent and contradictory feelings underneath.",3 +870,"Feel just awful to any people in my life who actually try with me. +My friend text me the other day, it has been a while since we interacted and I had ignored a couple messages from her this past few weeks. So anyway she texts me just asking how im doing and if I want to catch up soon or even this evening. I get that surge of okay I can do this; i wait till i get home from work (the text was in the morning) and I write a reply and send it, explaining how im not in a great head space atm, not able to be around people, but hopefully I will be able to see her soon. She sends me the sweetest reply back, I look at it, and nothing. I don't feel any anxiety or anything I just don't want to reply, I dont know whyyy. And now im sat here feeling awful about myself that I didn't reply to her. +Is this a relatable thing to anyone? I feel like im just a shitty, awful, selfish person.","My friend text me, I managed 1 reply before ignoring her.",3 +871,"I usually talk to myself in my thoughts a lot. + +I tried to stop doing it for few minutes and it was like I was hurting my brain. But it was also kind of freeing, like I didn’t think about anything and my mind was empty. + +But I think I will need to “exercise” this a lot more and kind of get used to it. I think having these stupid dialogues that I have are making me depressed and mad. + +I realized that I can stop these monologues if I want, I am just very used to having them. 🤔",I tried to stop having inner monologues with myself for few minutes,3 +872,"[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-americans-are-lonelier-and-its-effects-on-our-health](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-americans-are-lonelier-and-its-effects-on-our-health) + +What do you guys think about this? I can tell you that I've run ultramarathons and pushed my body well past it's limits (not bragging or anything might be the one thing I'm actually decent at lol), but there is nothing that compares to the crushing feeling of loneliness.",The Loneliness Epidemic,3 +873,"Name the top 5 things that make you emotional. + +1. Music (power metal or anime OST) +2. WW2 Documentaries. +3. Psychologists crying about their patients. +4. Music again +5. And... Music one more time.","How emotional are you, on a scale from 1 to 100?",3 +874,"CAUSE I AM + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10nk2uq)",Are you short-tempered?,3 +875,,Story of our lives,3 +876,"If it's that easy I wouldn't be missing school for months. It fucking sucks that EVERYONE is undermining everything we are going through. They don't realize how this affects our literal lives. They don't see how severe this is just because they can't see our disorder. When will the time come where people take mental health seriously? If this was a physical disorder, this would've been treated a long time ago. The school doesn't even take my situation seriously. They are basically telling me to ""get over it"". They are so fucking lucky they don't get to experience what we go through. It's not like we asked for this. Fuck I hate people SO MUCH. Literally the only people who sympathize with us is those who have AvPD too, literally only the community itself. It also doesn't help that my country is fucking nuts and religious and don't believe in mental health. If i asked for help, authorities would literally tell me to just pray and read the fucking bible. Fuck this country. Fuck people. Fuck everyone who doesn't take mental health seriously.","im supposed to go to therapy but then we're suddenly out of budget and now my birth giver, who caused all of this, told me to ""deal with it"".",3 +877,,I am in class stress drawing,3 +878,Does anyone suddenly remembering an embarrassing or cringy thing they did in the past and then feel shitty about it😅. I’ve just had a cringe thing I did a party a year ago pop into my head and now I can’t get it out😩.,Suddenly remembering cringe moments,3 +879," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10n9t63)",Do you have an Inner monologue?,3 +880,"I’m boring and awkward, I can put up good mask at first but under it.. is something most people don’t want. I heard through another person that a friend of mine thinks I’m too sensitive and she cant relate to me. Me being myself disappoints people.",When people get to know me they don’t like me.,3 +881,"When I'm talking with a group I'm already comfortable with and a new person I'm not comfortable with yet comes in, I stare at them and I don't say anything. + +I don't look people in the eyes while talking. I don't say hi or bye. I rush to end conversations and walk away quickly if I feel overwhelmed. + +Not mention I have a bad case of resting bitch face. No wonder people hate me and think I'm judging them 💀",I can see why people think I'm unfriendly,3 +882,"really dont know what to think anymore. My life is basically that of an hikikomori, with no job or future. Its an infinite cycle of me craving social interactions and me searching ways to push away from me those that try to bond",I swear it is gonna kill me,3 +883,"We walked in the park for like an entire day, then the next day watched a movie. We kissed, which was my first time doing that, cool. But it turned out she wasn't as into me as I was her. So its over, all for the best. + +I'm feeling so positive about it. It was painful for the first couple days after no lie, but now I feel great. + +I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to make a move sexually, but I did it. It was awkward as hell obviously, but I did it. I was bold as fuck. And it was really no big deal. I saw her again the other day and it was totally cool, no hard feelings. + +I finally feel like a real living human being. It's like I've been set free in a major way. Only a year after I asked out the first person haha. Feels like a lifetime ago. + +I never thought I'd actually get here, and I'm so grateful that I did. And I have so much time ahead of me. I'm only 24. I used to look at the future and see only dread and misery, but now I see hope and promise. + +Thank you thank you",First real date,3 +884,"I used to be anxious about being around strangers, but now I don't really care as much. But I always get way more anxious at the thought of meeting people I do know and I try to avoid them as much as I can. + +I don't even see any value in forming friendships/relationships anymore. I try open up as little as possible to people. The more I get to know them, the more I try to avoid them. + +I fear that friendships come with unrealistic expectations and that as people get to know me they'll realise that I'm weird and will gradually dislike me, and maybe try to make me feel guilty for not meeting their expectations. I also don't want to become dependent on other people, cos it seems like most 'friends' only seem to care about you when it suits them. I just think most friendships are fake and over-rated.","Do you guys try to avoid people you know, or just people you don't know?",3 +885,,this survey we’re required to fill in for school…,3 +886," + +# + +at my core i feel gone like something was never placed there. im 28 years old. + +i will try to explain it as numb or not there. i dont feel like there is something on the inside of my mind. + +looking for people who relate or any support. Do you think it has a name, its not really depression imo.",here i go. im trying to find out my feelings another day.,3 +887,"I lived in a place with very expensive rent. I tried living with my family but basically over the last two days everything fell apart. Some of it is technically my fault but more AvPD. I tried living in supported housing but always had a roommate who wouldn’t let me sleep. Almost got into having my own room but it fell apart before that. + +This is pretty much crazy but hopefully it will work out. I’m on disability so I’m trying to live somewhere I can get a cheap apartment. It’s possible I can get a job to make the budget issues easier. For living in unhealthy situations I couldn’t hold down a job. I’m at least hoping that’s the reason. + +Things with my family we’re ok before but after Covid there was like an explosion of bad luck going around. Somehow I was used as a scapegoat. Basically scared but also my life was going in a vicious cycle. I had to change something major.",Idk but now I’m moving to a place I never been to.,3 +888,"Mostly I wish I could just skip all the scary beginning stuff of getting to know someone. I like having friends but I’m terrified of trying to make new ones. I like socializing but only when it’s not terrifying. I’ve never been in a relationship but it seems nice to have someone to be there for you at the end of the day. I only have my family but they all have their own lives and their own immediate families. I just wish that I had someone outside of my family. I wish I had someone that liked similar things and that I could go do stuff with or someone to eat dinner with most days. I just wish I wasn’t so scared of trying to get the things that I want. + +It feels like a pity party kind of night. ☹️",I wish I could be assigned a friend or partner so I had someone to share my life with,3 +889,"I hate my face and the fact that people can see me, I’ve been told I have a decent looking face and good features but it doesn’t matter, my own mental image of myself is still awful, I think of myself like im deformed or have severe facial scarring or something. It’s like an inherent and irrational feeling of shame and guilt, a constant voice in my head telling me to hide my face, that other people will judge me or laugh at me for how bad i look + +When everybody had to wear face masks, I felt great. I was a little more confident going into public spaces and talking to people because I knew they couldn’t see my face and what I looked like, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders, now nobody wears them though so I generally wear a hood or hat whenever I leave the house, it just makes me feel much more comfortable. I think that’s also why eye contact is so difficult, because when they’re staring into your eyes it feels like they’re looking right at you, judging you, they’re able to see your whole face + +Idk why I even wrote this just wondered if anyone else feels the same, even though it’s totally irrational and there’s no reason to, I just can’t get rid of the feeling of hating everything about myself, feeling ashamed of it all, though mainly my face",Is anyone else ashamed of their face?,3 +890,"A friend complimented me, saying I have a good conversation, I'm handsome, etc. I mean, didn't attack me at all (the opposite, actually) - so why does some sort of fight/flight state come over me with situations like this? To me, it really doesn't make sense. Unfortunately, it's how I function. I have to get used to this.",Being uncomfortable with personal compliments,3 +891,"I went in for a coffee. She worked there and we got on well chatting and shared alot of info. We chatted for about 30 mins. I tested the water a few times n sort of let her know indirectly that i liked her and things still went well. I decided to just leave it at that and left on a good note + +I popped by on second day a few days later, i was kind of nervous n had been kicking myself i didnt give her my number the first time knowing id have to work up the courage all over again . This time after we talked for about 10 mins i gave her my number i think i came across as lill more nervous the second time but I could of done worse + +She never called. i thought there was some chance because things went well but i knew was no guarentee. She was quite alot younger than me but i didnt ask ages. . Still i was pretty hurt. Thats at least the last 5 times iv asked someone out or intended too n i got rejected in some way and them situations dont come around often and always require me to overcome so much anxiety . + +In all honesty im pretty bitter n sad sometimes at how hopeless my situation feels , i cant change alot of things and people just overlook me without giving me much of chance because they see me as a loner or some other thing i cant really change. I may not be the best but im alot more than how im collectively treated. I feel completely unseen",Gave a girl in coffee shop my number,3 +892,"First of all, I'm sorry for this post, I don't want to offend anyone or adorn myself with words that I'm not entitled to. + +After reading many of your posts and doing some research myself, I fear that I might also have AvPD or at least have very similar symptoms. My problem: How do I find out if I'm completely delusional or if there might actually be something to it? If I just ask my therapist, ""How do I know I don't have AvPD?"" it may come across as extremely know-it-all and pushy. Aside from that, I have many questions and concerns, what if I was misdiagnosed because I misdescribed my problems? + +I'm really sorry to write in this subreddit. It's just that I just panicked again because of an incident. + +Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.",A Social Phobic's silly questions,3 +893,Last year I was diagnosed with AvPD by a psychiatrist. Today I was diagnosed as autistic after a 1.5 year process of multiple assessments culminating in a 3 hour assessment today with 2 clinic psychiatrists and an autism nurse. Now I don't know if I am just autistic or if I have AvPD too. Wondered if anyone here has had both diagnoses?,AvPD and Autism,3 +894,"I have this deep longing to be loved by someone who also has AvPD like me who knows and understands so incredibly well about what it's like to be me because we have very similar, if not, even the same upbringing and experiences that led to us being the people we are today. + +By this I mean I always think about whether I'll ever meet and get to love and be loved by someone that not only shares the same thoughts and feelings about most things (because relationship compatibility) but also shares the same traumas. I even maladaptive daydream and have intimate conversations with this nonexistent person about my life and they always meet it with patience and understanding because they're genuinely a good person and they also know firsthand what i am talking about and how I feel. + +I don't think I would ever go out of my way to search for people who has gone through the same things as I because I'm just not gonna make a post anywhere or go on some friend/relationship making app with a bio saying about what I've been through because I don't want to lay it all out there just like that because that's inappropriate and that I just wouldn't want to open up that way. I would want a gradual relationship to blossom from being vulnerable and building intimacy after a considerable period of time before talking too deep into the worse aspects of my life ya know? As someone with trust issues I need time to be sure i can share all of that. + +I'm always thinking and hoping that maybe one day I would meet a special someone that would for once make me feel I am loved because they don't have to try to understand but because they just do. I speak from a place that whenever I have spoken and been vulnerable about what I think or feel about anything they don't agree with or understand, I often receive a response that makes me feel belittled, misunderstood and disrespected. From familial to platonic to romantic relationships, I never have felt I am seen or heard with love and patience unless it's something they believe and or know about, rather I am scolded or looked at in skepticism or blatantly insulted for merely sharing something as little as expressing an opinion which always comes from a place of being respectful. To even expressing an interest of mine which comes from a place of love and passion gets mocked and made fun of. + +The very few people I would consider ""close"" in my life don't make me feel loved. Sure I feel cared about at times, such as my parents providing for me, cared for in times when friends would reach out and ask about how I'm doing and cared that I get to have consistent affectionate and attention from my romantic relationship. And yet these people have hurt me and whenever I've told them that they have hurt me they either dismiss my vulnerability of communicating my needs and wants (which should be taken as a damn compliment I even talk to them) to just being downright disrespectful to me. I thought they loved me. You don't hurt the people you love. I always end up ending the conversation and changing topic by telling them it's fine or nvm or I'll get over it or the worst of it all, telling them I was overreacting and that I'm sorry for saying anything and that they're right for calling me out for calling them out... I can't be gaslit but I sure as hell can act like it to avoid conflict don't I? ha ha ha... the things I do for love because I don't want to hurt them even though they hurt me first. It's really not hard to be a decent person especially to a ""loved one"" i don't find it difficult, why do they? :/ + +A part of me also thinks the only way I could ever get better, and I don't mean outright cured of AvPD, but rather just live easier with myself and with other people in this life in a much less difficult way is to have that person by my side who also has AvPD that can truly understand and love me and who'd uplift me and basically all that good things we should expect from being in a relationship whether platonic or romantic. But here i am having doubts that I may not even deserve that and that I should settle because I fear i will never meet that great person I so badly need to love and be loved by. + +I recently have been reading this book called all about love: new visions by bell hooks. It's really given me insight and confirmation about what love really is and one thing I will mention here that is talked about in the book is that abuse and love cannot coexist. It's a hard pill to swallow but it is something that we should talk about more. I suggest all of you to read it, it's an amazing book just as the author is. + + + + + +Tl;dr: I've taken up my time to either thinking and maladaptive daydreaming of connecting and having a relationship with someone who i am very much alike with such as sharing same traumas that led both of us to have AvPD. I want and need someone who truly is a great person that not only cares but listens and understands with patience about my thoughts, feelings, well being, and general existence that would make me feel the love I truly deserve because people ""close"" to me in my life have not given that love. But yet I fear I will never that and even doubt myself that I might not even deserve that love. + +To anyone that has read this far: thank you for listening and I hope you have a good day/night 💜",I fear I'll never be loved the way I want/need to be,3 +895,"It seems like everyone I know is set for their future. My two best friends are currently studying in big reputable schools studying chemical engineering and business, something that will help them achieve great goals in the future. While I'm here rotting away in my house doing the same thing everyday because I'm to fucked up in the head to go to school and finish high school. I'm afraid everyone would move on with their lives and I'd have to deop out of school and repeat again. I would be graduating at 20 when I should have been graduating at 18. It would be completely ok if I was rich, but I'm not. I can't afford to slack all day and do nothing, but my pathetic brain stops me from doing anyhting. + +Before my country adopted the k-12 curriculum, everyone graduated at 16, goes to college/uni for 4 years, and graduated at 20. Now I'm barely graduating at 19 years old. It feels like everyone I know is gonna be rich and successful in the future and I'm just gonna be here rotting my life away.",My life is wasting away while everyone is building a good future for themselves.,3 +896,,It's either too many thoughts or nothing at all.,3 +897,"Just curious about this. I've noticed in myself that while I can say it to my family members, I have trouble saying it to anyone else. I have a few close friends in particular who say it a lot to me and to one another, and I just can't say it back for some reason. And it's not that I don't care about my friends, it's just some mental block in my head I guess. Saying it to parents or siblings feels more ""automatic"" in a way I guess, and is therefore less uncomfortable. Such as ending a phone call with ""love you, bye"" ""love you too, bye"". But outside of that I have trouble with it. + +Does anyone else experience this? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10ltnzn)","Trouble saying ""I love you""",3 +898,"How the hell do I cope? I can't focus on work or do anything because of cringe making me want to scream, and furthermore, my friend teased me about it... + +Makes me wanna stay inside for the next decade or so.",Dying of cringe from a poor social interaction today.,3 +899," This shit is killing me sometimes. I like drawing and cooking sweets like cakes, cookies, muffins and etc. I do have some passions and I'd love to improve my skills and spend my entire time doing this. But I avoid even thinking about going to university because that immediately settles negative thoughts in my rotten brain. What if I embarrass myself yet again?If I am not immediately good at this, what's the point of all that?This is gonna be more stressful and exhausting than enjoyable..and so on and so on. I think I do have some sort of potential but I refuse to live up to it. So many obstacles and curves on this path, it feels like I am going to fail and eventuality quit at the very start. + + I don't know what else to say..this is so frustrating. Anyone else here who's feeling same? + + Sorry for some mistakes I might have made btw, english isn't my native language.",Avoiding to live up to my potential,3 +900,"I wanna know if you guys can relate to these points or not + +1. I try not to speak loudly on my own with myself so other people cannot hear you? +2. I recall and get critical about any past conversation you had recently (at times word to word)? +3. I don't want to meet or get confronted by someone to avoid getting questioned at, about the very thing I fear that I lack? And I would be open to those questions once I fix those things. +4. I feel I have so much potential.",Can you relate to these?,3 +901,,How do you feel about journaling? Has it helped you?,3 +902,"Today I found out that 'atychiphobia' is the clinical term for the fear of failure. I've been consumed by atychiphobia ever since my teenage years. I've purposely passed up on big opportunities due to it, and as a result held myself back multiple times. + +Well, now I've stumbled upon a hurdle that I need to overcome in order to achieve my next goal in life. I've been looking for ways to bypass the hurdle so I don't have to potentially experience failure, but I can't seem to find any other ways forward. + +The reality is I'll have to attempt to overcome this obstacle in order to move forward but it's terrifying knowing I might never overcome it. + +Anyone ever experienced similar or have tips for overcoming this fear?",Intense fear of failure,3 +903,"I’ve literally been keeping all my feelings inside for years so it’s all just been building up, and a few weeks ago I had a total breakdown and texted this guy I barely know just telling him about this thing that happened. And he’s like twice my age and I just work next to him, I saw him a fair bit but I never really talked to him of course because avpd so things were just always awkward. + +But the thing is he was super nice about it, and so then I WAY overshared and texted him a bunch of personal shit and it made total sense when I was sending it and then the next day I was like what the hell did I send this guy? And now I feel SO embarrassed and I just don’t know what to do with this feeling. And the worst part is I still can’t talk to him, I saw him for the first time the other day since sending that text and he was being so nice about it and I still couldn’t talk to him. And I might not see him again for a while because my job is kinda changing right now but I just don’t know what to do with this feeling. + +TLDR: Got super emotional and texted this guy who I barely talked to a bunch of personal shit. So now he knows that I’m messed up and also knows that I’m so pathetic and alone that I like him way more than I should and I don’t know what to do with this embarrassment.",Have you ever overshared? If so how the hell do you cope?,3 +904,"So I work as a cashier and this saturday (28th) was supposed to be my last day there (end of my contract, which was going to be renewed) but last saturday (21th) after my long shift I decided I couldn't go through another week at this workplace so I took all my stuff and left for good without telling anyone. + +This job has burnt me out so much and gave me panic attacks and I didn't see myself staying there another week. But I was mostly afraid to tell my boss that I didn't want to renew my contract, too scared to see disappointment on her face and to let them down... So by quiting early I wouldn't have to face this situation... + +I didn't show up on Monday and didn't call, but I sent to HR a doctor's note from my psychiatrist telling them that I am taking a break from work. My boss has tried to call me yesterday but I didn't respond. I feel shitty right now and I hate this AVPD.... This fear of confrontation and disappointing is killing me.",I quit my job without telling my boss,3 +905,"I think I have social anxiety (no official diagnosis because getting any kind of official diagnosis is difficult here but it's fairly obvious and several mental health professionals I've seen acknowledged it) but I recognise myself a lot in the symptoms of AvPD. I tried looking online what the exact difference between social anxiety and AvPD but I didn't really find anything useful or well explained enough. This disorder seems fairly unknown to me and I'm struggling to find ressources. How do you know it's AvPD and not social anxiety? Is there any good ressources (books, YouTube channel, website,...) on this topic that you would recommend. Is it okay for me self diagnose?",How to know if it's social anxiety or AvPD ?,3 +906,"It feels like AvPD and social anxiety are becoming more prevalent (especially younger generations) and that this was exacerbated by the pandemic. Even before the pandemic it was an issue with the use of social media fueling a rise in mental health issues, but the isolation of the pandemic obviously made things worse. + +Maybe AvPD will become more mainstream in a few years?",AvPD and Social Anxiety on the rise?,3 +907,How does one find someone selling weed when they have no friends? I think it’d really help me. I don’t want to buy it online it’s too complicated and risky.,I wish I had the social skills to buy weed,3 +908,"Is it true that the significant difference between AvPD and SAD is that people with AvPD aren't interested in social relationships, whereas social phobics are indeed interested in those but their anxiety won't let them?",Question to people with AvPD,3 +909,"Deep down, I'm still that poor, scared little boy who lost his confidence, beaten and humiliated and alone. So desperately alone + +Beyond that, and deeper, perhaps, is a skeleton where the man should be; held together by wishes and fantasies of what it means to be, of what it means to deserve, and the empty bravado and bloviations of a synthetic confidence made of air. + +Now, I can play the role of the confident man. I can laugh and smile and charm and begile and speak with an iron certainty that brooks no argument, and most would be tricked into thinking this is strength, but these are nothing more than the desperate, craven thrusts of defense - a pained and insecure theatre to hide my own inadequacy from inquiring eyes. + +I feel so worthless, so replaceable, so expendable. If I am not the absolute best, then how can I be valuable at all? How can someone not replace me? How can I feel secure within my relationship with others? + +Everywhere I look, I notice others better than me. People who are better looking, taller, smarter, with nicer bodies, and I cannot escape the realisation that these people could replace and take from me everything that I hold dear. + +I have an adoring girlfriend, but how long will that last? How can I trust in permanence when so many better than me exist? When the wheels of fate are always in motion, spinning towards a yet unknown destination? + +Every man man is my rival. Every man is better than me. I must be perfect, otherwise I am worthless. + +Somewhere along the way, during adolescence and early adulthood, fear gripped my heart. It squeezed and twisted me into submission, until I felt powerless to travel any road that was not certain and safe. + +In persuing safety, I was tricked into embracing comfort, which came for me in the from of constant daily drinking. + +For five years, I drank and drank and isolated, until I was emaciated, malnourished, alone, so desperately alone, wasted, pitiful, weak, hopeless, and broken. + +The indifference and apathy that was birthed by alcohol facilitied me leaving university, abandoning the future I had dreamed of since a small boy, and finally extinguishing the withering flame of hope that I did not know still existed inside of me. + +I slept on empty rum bottles, littering a dirty and dark floor in a small room. I seldom washed or showered or ate, and I only left the house to buy enough alcohol to fuel my two-letres-a-day rum habit. + +I was so alone, so desperately alone. + +I spent over half a year without any communication with others at all, and then only interacted with basic pleasantries in the couple of years that followed. + +Yet somehow, against all predictions, I stopped drinking. That was almost two years ago now. Since that moment, I have not faltered once, nor did I ever fear doing so. + +I was at rock bottom, I knew that I could not drink anymore. The realisation hit me suddenly, with force sufficient to stop me mid step, on my way to buy rum. A voice in my head, clear and confident and smooth, stated ""you can't do this anymore"", and thus, the decision to never drink again was made. And I cannot go against decisions already made, in the same way I cannot reverse the motion that broke a glass against the floor. + +From that moment, I have worked hard to build myself up from the creature I was. + +Now, on the precipice of achieving two years of uninterrupted sobriety, I have a new, respectable full-time job, I workout five times a week, I have a loving girlfriend, and yet I am haunted by the immutable weight of my own inadequacies and regrets. + +Everyone around me is more successful than I am. My girlfriend is currently on a buisness trip abroad, surrounded by other people of stature, significance, and importance. And what am I? An addict, a university dropout, and a worthless, talentless, static waste of life. + +I know that I cannot compare my life and success to others. Every person you meet has travelled a different path to yours, with different privillages and struggles, and a completely different set of potentials. I should only reflect on the life I have lived, judging my success by the progress I have made. I understand this, logically. It makes sense... Only, I cannot help but compare. I want to be more. So much more. I need to be more. + +I want to go back to university, but I fear I am not smart enough. I had no confidence in going in the first place, but it was a path I was on, so I did not dwell on the fear. Now, with the flow of this path disrupted, I cannot find within myself the confidence to take the plunge back into formal education. I am inert with doubt. + +Why is it I cannot move past my regrets? Why do I feel so inadequate?","Fear is the death of potential, comfort it's instrument.",3 +910,"For most of the time, my brain is overwhelmed by emotions rather than thoughts. Rational or irrational. Like... I *think* about something a lot, but it's never really connected to my life in any tangible or material way.",I don't really want what I think I want.,3 +911,"honestly this is more of a screaming into the void post than anything. + +im kind of sick of just not doing anything all day, everyday kind of feels like a repeat of the same day. + +i'm awful at making friends, every attempt has been pretty much futile (i'm still trying, though); i want to be productive but i have so many issues with starting anything; i run away from everything even though i'm well aware that'll cause even more issues, but anything to delay the pain i guess; i'm awful. i need to make changes in my life but it's so hard, and any change i make just makes me wanna go back into my reclusive life. whenever i see anything about people my age or younger achieve something that i never will, i get pissy but i don't do anything to better myself afterwards. i used to workout as a way to be productive but man, i have a chronic illness that just makes that impossible, now i feel like a complete total loser. + +i used to be one of those gifted kids and everyone had such high expectations of me, but now i'm just a loser with underdeveloped social skills. i almost feel like there's no one in this world that's dealing with the same issues.",sick of it,3 +912,"I have been suspecting about having AvPD for quite some time. Knowing that my inability to have close relationships and function in society wasn't just my fault but is due to a condition conforts me and gives me some pointers on what to do to battle it. I really, really, really don't want to keep on living this cold, walled-in hikikomori hell i was in throughout my teenage years and twenties. + +And boy, did I gather all my willpower to try and change my situatuon, asking this friend out over and over, trying to send them memes to make them laugh and engaging with what they were posting. They ghosted me, so I stopped reaching out to them. I gathered that they just didn't want to be around me. It really hurt and I blamed myself for beint unlikable and all. After months, I slowly started healing back again and just... Moved on. + +Recently they came out as having AvPD to me and other friends and I now... sorta hold a grudge against this person. I know I'm supposed to be understanding and all because I've been there (i am there, actually), but also... Fuck no :/ I put a lot of effort and courage in asking them to hang out every week, at a certain point I got tired of asking and being constantly ignored/rejected (especially in addition to little jokes about how ugly, badly dressed and socially awkward i was and how my bf probably cheats on me) made me relapse pretty badly. How convenient to be cruel to the jobless, lonely loser and then blame it on AvPD.",Resentment,3 +913,Not sure if anyone shared this here before (its from 2016) but I thought it was an interesting read.,Does Childhood Emotional Neglect Cause Avoidant Personality Disorder?,3 +914,"I'm sure I'm not the only one doing this but I find myself shutting down and withdrawing from people and situations to such an extent that I am unable to look them in the eye. It is triggered through different mechanisms but most often than not it is triggered by a situation in which I feel less worthy than what I already am. + +I have low self esteem and an extremely negative view of myself. Notwithstanding my past having an influence on that view. + +Some situations may come across as innocent; suppose you were friends with someone. Not direct friends, a friend of your significant other or a friend of a friend. This friend takes interest in you only at times where they are in your company. Or having a mental meltdown in my case. They never text. Truth be told, they never even ask about you. + +Another example, people ask you your opinion about something. You give it thinking it may be of use but then it turns out they didn't even bother listening. Or they brag to you about a choice they made when you suggested it in the first place. + +You feel like nobody sees you. Nobody respects you. Nobody listens to you. + +I withdraw and I shut down. Although I can try and look past it, I can never truly get over it. It adds to my negative outlook on life and it breaks me down further. Soon there'll be nothing left to break. + +I feel alone; levels that's been elevating over the last couple of years. I don't know if life is truly worth pursuing anymore. Any way, don't mind me. Just another rant.",Tendency to shutdown,3 +915,"This applies to social anxiety disorder, and many other mental illnesses, but if the sense of self is so negative, it also creates a negative perception of other people, and applies it back onto oneself, as the center object, even if self-esteem is low and esteem for others is idealized. It's important to teach people to have positive self-esteem regardless of what other people, but also to challenge the perceptions of other people in the first place.",Negative self-centeredness,3 +916,,"For those of you in therapy, what type of therapy do you do and have you found it helpful?",3 +917,"I know that people who have their psyche together have an extremely hard time finding jobs too, we live in very confusing times. And I'm less employable than most people of my age. I don't have a finished degree, I don't have presentable look, I don't really have hobbies other than videogames and some niche knowledge about obscure culture things, I'm not great at communicating, but more importantly I haven't worked or studied in about 4 years at this point, so I pretty much forgot how to look and present human at this point. I'm not really interested in anything in the normal sense either due to anhedonia or general dissociation from my own emotions and needs. I'm thinking about therapy as something that could guide me and help me in life, I know this is really ""all eggs in one basket"" kind of thing, but I genuinely only believe in one thing and it's therapy. And to pay for any therapy, I need money. But I'm so lost and hopeless in navigating job market, I'm practically terrified because I'm a grown ass person and I have never worked in my life before other than one small online gig I got by pure luck, and it was a one time thing, and it's not repeatable, and skills for that don't transfer anywhere. + +I've heard about things like rev or something like that, but they banned my country because of recent world events. I was researching different sort of freelance stuff but I consistently got terrified of having to promote myself or even commit to any craft at all due to self-defeating attitude my whole life. So in the end I don't know anything, don't have any skills other than fluent english and my native language, have absolutely no experience of any job whatsoever. It feels incredibly hopeless. Any tips? Maybe some websites that could help with making small money for manageable tasks? I'll be very grateful for any response.","It seems hopeless, but is there any way to find a remote job online if I have avpd and don't really have... any redeeming qualities or skills for the market due to lifelong isolation and self-sabotage?",3 +918,"Maybe I'm being too critical, but I feel like therapy has not been helpful to me. I had finally reached out for help just before the pandemic and was seeing a therapist. She was extremely nice and it did help finally having someone to talk to. When everything switched to remote sessions during the pandemic, it seemed like she rushed through our sessions and sometimes they would be over in 15 minutes. I didn't confront her about this. I ended up just ghosting. I'm not happy with myself for doing that, but it's part of this illness I guess. + +I then went through my local university because I had read they had a good social anxiety program and saw a few a student therapists, again all very nice people, but I still felt stuck. About a year after seeing a few student therapists, I was informed my current student therapist was finishing their program and that I would need to find a new therapist outside of their program. They offered to show me how to find one on Psychology Today. I was already well aware of how to do this and was a bit surprised with how it seemed like they were just dumping me off. + +I'm 31 years old. It took me decades to finally ask for help. I'm not blaming anyone and I need to put in the work to succeed, but I have to say I was a bit disillusioned by the whole therapy experience. Just being honest.",Disillusioned by therapy,3 +919,"I hold onto memories of people who have left me seemingly endlessly. Good ones, bad ones. Perhaps because I believe they must be some kind of ‘special’ person to have enjoyed my company. I think my connections have always been more deep for me than the other person because I’m desperate. + +I wish I wouldn’t remember them. Wipe it all clean. Constantly being hit with intrusive thoughts of everyone who isn’t around and how difficult those relationships were is exhausting. + +I had a dream about a close friend who abandoned me (justifiably, not even my self esteem talking, I was a shitty person then) reconciling with me over lunch. Extremely vivid, and I felt so at peace after our conversation. So glad that she wanted to talk with me again. + +Then I wake up from this bliss, all alone. Go to school, alone. Come home and make dinner, alone. Go back to sleep, alone. + +It’s absolutely crushing to be so alone and feel like you don’t have the tools to come back from that.",Anyone else idolize friends from their past?,3 +920,"I am lucky to have a few friends but they don't reply for days and I just wish I had lots of people to talk to sometimes! Or when you do something cool/interesting and realise you don't have anyone to tell 😢 + +But I know if I did have close people like that id be stressed all the time about the relationships...",Does anyone else get really lonely sometimes and wish you had someone to talk to/ text all the time like others do?,3 +921,"Which character can you relate to the most and feels like they truly embody your personal experience? + +I'll go first and say, so far, it's probably Elsa of Frozen for me.",Which fictional character resonates with you the most?,3 +922,"I always knew that my dad was low EQ. + +But, my biggest epiphany was realizing that even my mom is low EQ. + +You always think that because women tend to express their emotions so readily, that they're high in EQ. + +BUT, beware, THAT IS NOT THE CASE. + +Emotional Expressiveness IS NOT THE SAME AS Emotional Intelligence!",Low EQ Parents,3 +923,"this is kind of a stupid, petty thing to talk about but honestly, i just wanna get this off my chest. + +i have a friend, we've been friends for like, 5 years already and we've basically grown up together. we were both sort of socially withdrawn so all we had were one another, and so we'd talk everyday, all day. + +i remember this one time we had a conversation where they told me that they tend to ghost people and slowly pull back when they feel as if talking to someone starts to feel draining, or they just don't like the person anymore. + +lately, they've been pulling away, like replying less and less, and just ignoring me for the entire day. though, sometimes they'd stay and have a full conversation with me, but it's kind of rare and i get the feeling that they do it only to ""keep me there"", like to ensure my stay... kind of like a push and pull. + +it's not like they don't have time either. sometimes when we'd have a half conversation, they'd always, and i say always, talk about how they're connecting with someone, how they had fun with someone new, all this passionate stuff, and it just stings a bit. by a bit, i mean a lot. i know i'm not entitled to their time by any means but like, i just feel like i've been hit by a truck. i know they're purposely ignoring me, i know they're losing interest in me, i even get the feeling that we're growing out of one another. + +i'm just wondering... what about me isn't enough that's worthy of their time? am i not interesting enough? am i boring? i don't know. oh well, shit happens i suppose. i'm trying to fight the urge to isolate myself for half a year because i keep feeling rejected by them.",rejection,3 +924,,"I found some relatable posts, thought I would share with y’all",3 +925,,What keeps you going in fighting avpd?,3 +926,"I keep seeing all these humans doing something they enjoy, doing something they're good at, doing something thar earns them a living. Worse than that, I keep seeing character development and growth. I keep seeing humans getting better. + +And I hate it. + +When is it gonna be my turn? No matter how fucking long it's been, nothing fucking changes.",I think I'm becoming a misanthrope.,3 +927,Im not sure who to fight for because i dont know who my enemies are. Im sorry to those who were like me who i could not be there. Hold strong,L,3 +928,,How I handle working at a call center while having AvPD,3 +929,"I've been mostly lurking around here for many months now, and I'm constantly seeing posts that make me feel like I don't belong, or I'm an odd one out. Like other people think and communicate in a certain way that's different from my own, or have an understanding of what AvPD means that clashes with my own, or they have (fairly ordinary) life experiences or achievements that seem impossible for me. + +I don't know how much of it is due to the condition itself (if AvPD is even the right label for my specific brand of brokenness), and how much of it is due to objective differences related to the fairly unusual path I've taken through life. + +Also, Reddit is regarded to have a kind of 'hive mind', where posters tend to express similar views in similar ways to the point where it's difficult to distinguish individuals. I see myself as an outsider looking at that from a distance, but do any of you see yourself as being a part of that? + +If you don't feel you fit in, why is that, specifically? What details about you clash with what you perceive as the Reddit or r/AvPD culture(s)? + +And if you DO feel you fit in, especially on Reddit in general, how does that relate to your AvPD? Is it easier to wear a metaphorical mask as a part of a collective, something like that? (That mask-wearing is something I see mentioned a lot here which makes me feel like I don't fit in, as I don't do it.) + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10kvhz6)",Do you feel that you fit in here? Or on Reddit in general?,3 +930,"In Pete Walker's work there are 4 types of trauma responses. Fight, flight, freeze, and the last least spoken about, *fawn*. + +Fawning is just as it sounds. You fawn over people. You people please and bend to their will even if you know it's fucking you over in the long run. + +I feel like being a fawn has caused me to hate people even more than I should lol. Because when people come around, they usually come with some bs that I don't really want anything to do with. + +Wanting favors, wanting me to be their emotional punching bag, wanting validation, wanting talk at me, wanting me to give them stuff etc. I don't have a back bone and it's really hard for me to tell people to kick rocks without feeling guilty + +So it just becomes another reason why I isolate myself. Nobody can drag me into their drama if nobody is there to begin with. + +Are you like this?",Are you a fawn?,3 +931,"The drive which most people were just born with. Dopamine cascades or whatever. + +Then there's us. The folk who just don't thrive on attention and competition. I absolutely believe we were born this way. + +I've tried, and failed, to describe this to so many psychiatrists and psychologists it's not even funny anymore. The schizoids call this anhedonia. Myself, I've always struggled to orgasm during sex. + + +We are OK. We're not psychopaths. We have empathy, and we have all the things in place in order to love.",Laziness is something we ascribe to normal people who just lack that inner drive,3 +932,/hj you don't actually gotta hold my hand aha,I got an email. Can someone please hold my hand so I can open it? Thanks.,3 +933,"I think this is like a generalized imposter syndrome. Typically people feel like an imposter in their field of work, but this would be like that in all cases. I have a pretty underdeveloped sense of self. + + +While we’re at it, does anybody else constantly smile in social situations to minimize the chances of having to deal with hostility, danger, or stress from the other person? I just had the thought recently that this is why I smile constantly while talking to people. I recall the first time somebody asked me why I smiled all the time. I genuinely had no idea that I was smiling, but that would explain why people are usually cheerful around me! Apparently, this is referred to as “fawning”.",Does anyone else ever get thoughts like “I don’t deserve to be walking down this hallway… I’m not important enough.”,3 +934,"Title - but + +What’s a job/career that an Avoidant would + +1. strongly dislike + +Or + +2. may struggle with doing core components of the job successfully",What’s The Worst Job or Career For an Avoidant?,3 +935,"One of the most common questions on this subreddit is the difference between SAD and AvPD. Lately I've been trying to put it like this: + +**Social anxiety:** I'm afraid they'll see how nervous I am (fear of embarrassment) +**AvPD:** I'm afraid they'll see how inept I am (fundamental belief of inferiority) + +On top of that, AvPD is more severe (prevalent in every aspect of life) and persistant (there's no periods where you DON'T feel it), whereas SAD is situational (you might not feel anxiety in every social situation and go through periods where you feel less/no anxiety). But the belief of being inferior has to be the main thing that sets AvPD apart from SAD. Because of this deep-rooted belief, every social interaction, everything someone says can be taken as rejection and therefore as a confirmation of our beliefs about ourselves. Even positive situations can confirm these beliefs ('they like me now, but once they really know me they'll hate me' or 'they're only pretending to like me'). Another thing is, the belief of inferiority often shows up *outside* of social situations: e.g. avoiding doing homework/writing essays or even hobbies because you feel like it wouldn't be good enough. + +Does this make sense? Please correct me if it's too generalizing. I might delete this post later",Trying to explain the main difference between Social Anxiety and AvPD,3 +936,"Wouldn't that be great? A general acceptance understanding of eachother's issues. Instant common ground. I've been able to discuss mental health in general with people, but this disorder is so specific. I feel you have to have it to truly grasp what it's like to walk a day in the shoes",Ever (knowingly) met anyone else with avpd?,3 +937,"Obviously I think therapy is extremely important this, but I also think it's one of those things that can be self-diagnosed. With the age of the internet, it's easy to get into the mode of self-diagnosis, whether it be for physical or mental illness. But, I feel emotionally struck by this, it's not a fun thing or something that feels relatable, it strikes me to the core and I don't want it to. I don't want this to be the reality, but it resonates so much more than social anxiety disorder ever did. I'm not saying that a feeling is an indicator of the truth, but I've read a lot about it and continuously have tried to think of ways in which I may not, but it fits so well. Beyond on the symptoms, I've dung into the roots, the commo thought patterns, behaviors, etc. It's not something I feel will pull me down or become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because as painful as it's been to learn about, it's something I feel refreshed by, in having language to explain my experiences and perception of myself. I thought I was self aware before, but I had a lot of false beliefs and I also have a tendency to detach from my unhealthy and hurtful behaviors.","Self-diagnosis for this, what do you think?",3 +938,"So I'm 50 M diagnosed (adult) with high functioning autism. I have been lurking the schizoid community for some time because I have so much in common with the guys who post over there. Mostly, it's the anhedonia that really strikes a chord with me. + +The prevailing attitude over at r/schizoid seems to be this cavalier stance that loneliness is just a preference. Well, I take issue with this. Myself, I've been isolating on and off so much since even before puberty. Sure, it kind of feels good to not have to spend cognitive energy on social stuff. But loneliness is taking a toll on me. My brain operates on ""use it or lose it"", and I feel that now more than ever. Especially since covid-19. + +The more I isolate, which is something I can do day to day without sacrificing too much in the short run, the less high functioning I become. I guess I substitute beer, vidyas and parasocially engaging on YouTube for the real thing. It's kind of working, but I really miss intimacy and that human connection. I feel like I'm ever so slowly spiraling into insanity. :/","Trying to wrap my head around all of this, hear me out if you will :)",3 +939,"Hi all, + +I’ve been job searching since August but now that I have an offer for an in-person interview 2 days from now, I’m really struggling to respond, just to say that I can make it. I guess my education makes me very overqualified for it or something, and it’s seemingly a relatively asocial role, but the thought of even going to the interview fills me with anxiety. I know I have to change my circumstances but the clearest opportunities to do so are the points of greatest resistance.",Interview anxiety,3 +940,"I was wondering what attachment style usually is related to avpd. I feel like I have fearful-avoidant since I'm for the most part really avoidant towards pretty much everyone but if I get close to someone, (I finally found some I can really trust and like very dearly) I'm very anxious for the most part and needy. There's times where I feel negatively towards them, mostly when I was too open but that happened mostly in the beginning. Now if it happens I know it's due to fear of something and it goes away rather quickly.",What attachment styles do you have?,3 +941,That's it. That's the post.,My therapist asked me today who was the most important person in my life and I laughed and cried cause honestly no one.,3 +942,"I don’t care if this sounds edgy I’m going to mention it anyways. I’ve been bullied out of school as the same with online. I’ve began to develop a hatred for anyone that’s not like me. I had a vent account and the amount of people who just didn’t understand how severe my isolation was insane. I had so many people telling me “you just want to be edgy” and I even got called “incel” on numerous occasions for saying women and relationships make me feel uncomfortable. It felt like everytime I reached out to others on the internet (what I thought could be a safe space lmao) there was always someone who had to pick me apart, and find everything wrong with me. After awhile I gave up trying to reach out and now on other social media accounts I say things just to piss people off. Even if I don’t agree with the things I say online half the time, I just need to get that rage from some people. I don’t know how this fixes anything for myself, if anything you’d think people telling me to end my life for fake opinions would get me to stop. I’ve come to hate almost everyone. As long as I know people were mad enough to send me death threats, I feel like i’ve given them some sort of revenge. I can’t do anything about what happened to me in my personal life and I hate it. I think feeling lonely for so long has made me feel anger toward those who didn’t accept me. Have any of you also gone through this or do I seriously need therapy?",I feel the need to take revenge because I was isolated,3 +943," I can't imagine going to a clothing store. Buy only on the Internet. If I buy online, the size does not fit. I don't need a lot of clothes because I don't have to go out. + +I don't even go to the barbershop. I cut my own hair + +There is a supermarket right next to the house, but I don't go there. Necessary items are purchased through Internet delivery. I used to go to the supermarket often when I was young, but I'm 28 years old and still unemployed, so I'm afraid the supermarket owner will recognize me.",I only have one set of clothes.,3 +944,"Why are the descriptions of every job so alienating? Like I just don’t get why they write them like that. Not everyone they hire is a good communicator or excellent at whatever or fast paced. Fuck, I’m middle aged and I can’t do anything. Yes a bunch of that is the shame voice, but so? It feels like everything is constantly rejecting me by putting barriers everywhere and I’m already fucking exhausted from having to be alive. I just feel so dejected about doing literally anything for money. It’s been my most difficult barrier and all I want is someone to be gentle with me so I can trust them and give working a shot. But if they only want people with social and other skills they already don’t want me, so how is that fair?",I don’t understand how to get/do jobs,3 +945,"Are there any jobs that people are surviving with? Preferably something remote. + +I do play based therapy with toddlers with autism and my client is not doing well in a classroom environment that he moved to in December. There is a boy who seeks him out and tries to bully him. + + Yesterday this girl in the classroom confronts me about how his tantrums are not because he is overwhelmed but insinuating that I cause the behaviors because I let him out of activities when he is upset. + + +Well, I don't want to traumatize a 2 year old, so I do try to be sensitive to him and his needs. I think putting a 2 year old with a lot of sensitivities in a loud classroom was a bad idea anyway. It is 3am and I can't sleep because of this. I need a new job, I need a new job, I need a new job. I just don't know what.",NEED a different career. Help!,3 +946,Starting to learn more about avpd. People talk about the fight or flight reaction and i myself have experienced it where i thought i either have to fight or run away but i was wondering if pw avpd ever experience this and hence grow up to be somewhat antisocial?,How common is it to develop aggression as a pw avpd as a way to cope with the fear?,3 +947,"We're presenting our art pieces to a panel of really judgemental people. There are horror stories of them being rude to people that present their work, and judging them pretty harshly. I'm not sure how legit those stories are but I'm really scared. I'm worried I'll cry in front of everybody if I get criticized too hard. + +On top of that executive dysfunction absolutely wrecked me this semester and my art pieces are pretty fucking shit. It's not the case of ""an artist doesn't see how beautiful their art is"", it's objectively rushed because I couldn't work on it. + +I'm so scared :c",Today i'm going to get judged really hard and I struggle to keep it together atm...,3 +948,"I've worked as a baker at a cafe for a little under a year, and here bakers are supposed to also answer the phone and take orders + have some cashier training, which I just... couldn't really do, so we worked out a tentative agreement for me to only do opening baking, which is only about 25 hours a week. + +Today my boss told me that I've been doing really good work and that he's over me not answering the phone because it's obvious I care about what I'm doing. Now I've got more hours/responsibilites, the same days off every week, PTO, and a 2.50 raise! I started here when I was still in high school so this kinda feels like I've done something to prove myself as a real employee even though I never really think I'm doing good at all. + +But it gives me so much hope that even if I'll never be 100% with communication there's still good qualities I have and people can appreciate them. The thing I'm happiest about is that they know I care. Because I really really do and I didn't think there was any way to express it.",I got a raise :),3 +949,,This made me feel better about my avoidance. I hope it can help you all too!,3 +950,"At my job, there is only one drinking fountain in the very large floor I work at. So that means it's always crowded. As if that's not bad enough, it's far from my office, which means you have to cross paths with loads of people to get there. For those reasons going for water is always a nightmare of awkwardness and anxiety, and I avoid it as much as possible. As a result, I end up so thirsty most of the day, craving that delicious cold water, but the thirst is not worse than the suffering the anxiety gives me. This disorder is so fkng weird.",I barely drink water because of AVPD,3 +951,,Anyone else never got covid cause you only go out for appointments and groceries?,3 +952,"I didn’t choose this, I didn’t choose to be scared of people, I didn’t choose to be avoidant and have stupid anxieties in social settings. + +The thing that people think that I am like this by choice hurts me even more. It’s like I had a choice at the start of my life to and I chose to have serious mental illnesses. + +I didn’t choose this, just environment where I lived caused me this. + +People don’t really tell me this, but the way they behave around me is obvious that they think that I it is my choice.",I hate that people think that it is my fault that I am like this,3 +953,"Recently, i was watching a live of Personality Disorders, and this psychiatry said that there is a reason of why AvPD isn't diagnosed enough or ""clinically useless"" (i didn't like this term): sometimes the AvPD is ""mild"" so it's confused with a normal anxiety, or when more serious it's diagnosed as Social Anxiety. + The aforementioned speech makes me real pessimistic about this disorder, as iit makes clear that we are really neglected. ""Clinically useless"", what the hell? + I think that there's a reason for so much misinformation about AvPD: the people who know the most about this disorder are those who suffer daily on skin, but we can't provide clinical care because we are weakened, so there's a big cycle of misinformation and no progress. In short, average people cannot understand us satisfactorily. :( + Advances on this disorder will certainly come, but I believe it will not be so soon. + I hope you guys may have understood my point. Discussions are open. :)","""Levels/degress"" of AvPD",3 +954,"I have a huge problem with anxiety at work and have very big problems with avoidance. My emotional difficulties have gotten to the point many times where I have made absolutely awful mistakes at work and have been too panicked/incapacitated/cowardly to take responsibility for myself. + +It’s become a negative cycle spanning years and I never seem to get better. It’s decimated my self esteem and riddled my life with stress and anxiety, and of course imposter syndrome in every professional situation with any decent level of responsibility. + +Under pressure I don’t push through and rise to the challenge, I completely choke and “take my hands off the wheel” in panic-avoidance, causing “car crash” situations and so much stress to those who manage me. If I wasn’t working with family I would be fired and destitute as I feel I can’t be trusted with anything. + +Everyone in my circle is very smart and high functioning, and can take responsibility for themselves and be relied upon to get their jobs done. I’m 30 and I can’t take myself seriously as an adult. + +I suppose what I want to ask, is if any of this resonates with you guys? I’m just lost as to what is wrong with me to be so ineffectual and I feel so much shame. + +Apologies for the rant.",DAE have extreme anxiety in professional/performance settings?,3 +955," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10k17kb)",Have you had covid?,3 +956,"I was thinking that AvPD isn’t caused by some brain illness. It is very possible that most people with AvPD have healthy brain right? + +I feel like AvPD is just that we learned things incorrectly, we were exposed to some very stressful situations as child and our brains learned that that situation this is bad. + +And now our functioning brain is reminding us with anxiety that this situation is familiar from past when we were learning things. And this anxiety is causing us to avoid these situations because we were learnt that they are bad. + +So from this point we can say that our brain is normally functioning? Brain is doing what it is supposed to be doing, trying to stay out of danger and survive.",AvPD doesn’t mean that your brain is ill right?,3 +957,"Two weeks before my calc prof came to tell me how disappointed he was in me for my poor grades and lack of turning in assignments. It had way too much of an impact. I literally couldn't show up to the next two classes. + +I finally get back and he's doing standard lecture stuff, talking while scanning the large crowd so people feel more engaged. His eyes grazed mine a second. I know it meant nothing logically. It's just how people talk to crowds, sweeping eyes. But in that moment, I decided his gaze was a glare, a disapproving irritated message straight to me. I felt like a failure, terrible. I left the classroom quietly. Soon as I reached the hallway, I ran. I ran to the bathroom to throw up. + +Just a second of eye contact and it destroyed me. I hate being like this lmao.",Professor made eye contact and I had to throw up,3 +958,This hurts so bad. Why is life so painful. I’ve followed them for years.,A person I follow on Instagram misunderstood me and criticised me,3 +959,"**physical assault** +**sexual abuse** +**childhood abuse** +**war and conflict** +**gang violence** +**witnessing someone being killed** +**terrorist events** +**torture** +**sequestration** +**homicide attempt** +**domestic abuse** +**emotional abuse** +**neglect** +**abandonment** +**school violence** +**discrimination** +accidents +serious health problems +the death of someone close and important +childbirth experiences, such as losing a baby +forced displacement +exposure to traumatic events at work +poverty",It is surprising AvPD is not more common since most trauma is caused by other people:,3 +960,,Beau Is Afraid (2023) Trailer,3 +961,"Just wanting to get an idea of the number of people who are limerant for unavailable people. For me it's always a man in a teaching or mentorship position who is married. Married because that means I'm safe. He's not going to act, I'm not going to act. There isn't going to be a relationship. The attraction is just going to float in the air like a butterfly. Such intense but unattainable beauty. So much out of reach. I am in close almost daily contact with such a man. Its annoying me, because I know its hopeless and could never go anywhere, but I am addicted to it. Addicted to any little morsel of recognition he gives me. Addicted to making him laugh. It makes my day to make him laugh. He has no idea about the depth of my feelings because I am a person with AvPD and I know how to hide my emotions, even lie about them and shut everything down. My brain is basically screaming 'stay safe, stay safe.' I don't know who I am more annoyed with, me or him. I think making him laugh is the way I make him comfortable with my attraction to him. Its like it must be pretty obvious; I'm basically broadcasting 'I don't love you, I'm just an awkward friendly doofus, please like me.' It is intensely sad to me that this is the closest I will get to love. But even that is addictive. Sad beauty. Sad beauty is better than the grey anhedonia I am used to. I hope this makes sense. I hope someone understands or can relate.",Who else here is limerant?,3 +962,"my self confidence could not be any lower after years of rejection and not fitting in anywhere. + +i now realise if i just dont get involved with people ill be ok. + +its always been one step foward two steps back when i try to intergrate. + +can't be rejected and hurt if im on my own and thats starting to seem fine to me.","now that i think about it, everytime ive become suicidal is because of other people",3 +963,"I was diagnosed with AvPD a little over 2 weeks ago, after knowing what it is for years and being in various stages of denial. I’ve spent most of the past couple weeks just feeling shitty and hopeless but I decided to reach out to people a couple days ago, went on a date yesterday and hung out with an old friend I haven’t seen in years and their friend for a couple hours today! I even texted a support group chat to hold me accountable (even though I usually never say anything) + +plus, my roommates had people over yesterday and while I still isolated I at least got myself to make polite conversation in passing. old habits die hard so I’m not exactly expecting this to stick yet but I’m proud of myself!",had a successful weekend :),3 +964,"Whenever I see a '?' in a text or instant message I know I must answer it otherwise it will seem rude. That to me is simple. The problem I have is if someone follows it up with a comment. Is it rude to just leave it on read? Sometimes I will want to reply or add something to it but I worry it will prolong the conversation and make it harder to finish it. I could say something simple like 'yes' or 'definitely' but it sounds kinda lazy to communicate like that like. + +I just left someone on read after their comment and can't help but think I should have made a short reply just to acknowledged it at least.",Is it ok to only answer questions in messages?,3 +965,"I would really like to have an AVPD friend to talk to when I really don't feel like putting on this stupid mask of pretending to be normal. I'm 23 years old, looking for someone preferably around my age. Also I'm from Cali n Latino. Hopefully I can meet up n be irl friends? Shoot me a dm. I just think that if I can't find my place anywhere else I can find it here with y'all. I mean we understand exactly what it's like to be this way. So I just wanna say that I'll be accepting of u and I hope you will too. I just don't want to feel so alone.",Looking for an AVPD friend,3 +966,"T/w angry rant ahead + +What the hell is the oppression Olympics between AvPD and SzPD all about with some people on this sub? + +There are all these casual mentions of things like “well my life sucks but at least I’m happy I don’t have SzPD” that keep showing up lately. + +Why not just say something about being relieved not having to experience **social anhedonia**? It’s not the only symptom experienced by people with SzPD, although it seems to be simplified into that. + +I don’t understand the obsessive need of some of the people in this sub to glorify that they are somehow winning against other mental ill people simply because they don’t experience social anhedonia. + +Experiencing social anhedonia is not a intentional choice of people with Schizoid PD. It would be like saying people with ADHD are choosing to be inattentive. + +Also, there is a lot more to SzPD then the one symptom that some people in this sub seem to be hyperfixating on. + +END RANT",Irritated with oppression Olympics between AvPD and Schizoid PD,3 +967,"Anyone else have to think about if they’re avoiding/pushing away someone because they genuinely don’t like that person or just because commitment is scary? I moved in with a friend and, surprise surprise, it didn’t go well. But also there were a lot of things they did that really upset. And when I expressed my feelings they used my mental health against me, despite the fact that I never really talked about it with them in the first place. This is just one example of someone who I wonder if it was my mental health/avoidance issues or if I genuinely didn’t want to be around them because of the layers of things they did that upset me while living together, that made me see who they truly were as a person. Or am I just coming up with excuses?",Avoidance confusion,3 +968,"My cousins (14-16y) often come to my house, they are pretty noisy at night and i like to go to bed early, so it bothers me. I tell them to be quiet, but soon they are making a lot of noise again. Sometimes i went up to them and scold them, sometimes even calling them names, such was the anger. My mother says that I am not very understanding and very hard on them. I feel like I got a little bit of the avoidant trait from her personality. +I'm not diagnosed with AvPD, but i'm pretty sure that i have it. Idk if this reactive response to noise could be a CPTSD thing. In summary, i wanna now if this is a AvPD response. Anyone relate? + I hope that it's understandable, english isn't my frist language. :)","Get angry because of noisy people, do you guys feel that?",3 +969,"I am currently making a transition from being a barista and supervisor at a coffee chain to attempting becoming a baker. Retail has burnt me out to my core, exacerbated my AVPD, and I'm convinced making this change might help me feel more at peace in my day-to-day because I have more control over my social interactions at work. + +However, I am having a hard time maintaining contact with the bakeries I'm trying to be recognized by without running into those anxieties that lead me to putting off an email or stopping by to introduce myself for a little too long, and thusly becoming what some would consider unprofessional in my communications. Would anyone have any advice to spare about how to 1) Apologize for the wait and possible inconvenience 2) When and how do I advocate for myself 3) if it's likely, how can I save my professional relationships with others when I let my anxiety call too many shots?",Ok but what now? ( career change ),3 +970,"It happened to me few times in my life, I felt like there was a girl who was interested in me and then suddenly she became mad at me. And it was without reason, maybe the reason was that she expected me to do something, but I did nothing. And then suddenly her very friendly behavior changed to mad behavior and she started avoiding me. + +This is one of the things I am really good at, other than that I am bad pretty much at anything.",I am impressed by my ability to make girls to be mad at me,3 +971,"I almost don't talk to any of them, but there is one guy I kinda like so of course I avoid him even more. Once in a while we happen to meet in the kitchen and he usually initates some conersation. He is very nice and I feel like he'd be understanding. Would it be weird to tell him something like ""sorry I don't talk much to you guys I have avoidant personality""? Idk I feel like it might make him uncomfortable and it's kind of oversharing. But I feel like it'd remove this barrier between us at least a little bit? Idk I might be wrong.",Do you think telling my flatmate about AvPD would be weird?,3 +972,"I don't know what's like in here but on r/schizoid ""AvPD"" is discussed very often. All sorts of questions and discussions because we avoid people as well but for another reason, so we always have someone asking if they are schizoid or AvPD and what the differences are. + +Anyways, I was very curious to come check you all and I'd like to know this, nothing complex: **what's your favorite hobby?** Plus: do you you feel like you would have different hobbies if you didn't avoid people? If so, what would you love to do? Share your dreams! + +I go first: I can spend an entire day just looking at a wall, I don't have hobbies. My schizo side doesn't stop at my schizoid personality, so I can't speak for the entire schizoid sub, but if you check there you'll see that we don't like much stuff - music is almost an unanimity, but besides that... you won't find much, so I'm always curious to know what people likes, it fascinates me.","I'm your schizoid neighbour, hi!",3 +973,,and if there are read receipts on? just kill me,3 +974,"Because avoiding makes so much sense to you? Do you also actively don't want relationships (in terms of wanting to stay on your own & not wanting to want relationships)? Relationships are not paying off. +I don't view being avoidant & mostly alone a bad thing. Only the insecurity and anxiety in social situations is what I want to get rid of.",Do you also don't want to get rid of your AvPD?,3 +975,"Relationships in general (platonic & romantic). + +Hope the options to choose are sufficient... + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10inkqj)",Do you have a desire for relationships?,3 +976,"I am so embarrassed about litterally evertything that i do and say, and i dont know how to live with this disease for the rest of my life. I hate it so much, how do you guys cope with this stupid disease? I feel like i cant live my life like this",I hate this disorder,3 +977,"Does anyone have any experience with psychedelics? I've personally never done them, but I feel like they could possibly be useful in treating non-curable disorders like AvPD (in a guided session with a certified therapist). I've read about the dissolution of ego people some times experience during psychedelic trips and it seems like that would be helpful for AvPD.",AvPD and Psychedelics,3 +978,,Hey! It's me!,3 +979,"I just want to have friends and a girlfriend like a normal person. I have friends, but I cant relate to them, I feel very uncomfortable around them, I feel like they bully me, treat me badly and do stuff I find uncomfortable. I have two siblings that are able to function socially and have friends and lovers, it is too painful, I feel extreme envy, since I was a child I used to hang out with my brothers friends cause I was too socially inept to make my own, I am still that way I feel. I am filled with extreme suicidal pain everyday, I try to have some hope and carry on, and soothe myself, but the pain is so immense, and I am struggling to keep up the hope. It is horrific. + +:( How do you guys stay hopeful and optimistic, do you see any progress?",I just want to be normal,3 +980,"Explain how your week went in the comments ❤️ + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10i9u4n)",How has your week been?,3 +981,"I am proud of my imperfections because they make me who I am. I wouldn't be me without them, and I like me.",I love Lexapro,3 +982,"I normally just buzz it all off and then let it grow long and then buzz it all off. This time I got a hair cut what requires me to go in to the barbers every couple of weeks. I normally go 3 times a year max because it's mentally exhausting in every way. my hair is so annoying I have a cow flick and a double crown so it looks funky asf when growing out, so I kinda just neglect my appearance because I just don't want to go through going to a Barbers.. I neglect all the appointments I have regarding doctors and disability benefits. This disorder bleeds into every nook and cranny of my life, it doesn't discriminate lmao.. I wanna die 😬.",I can't handle being in a Barbers.,3 +983,,🖤,3 +984,"31 years old. Never dated. I'd rather be alone than put myself out there and risk rejection. That is not to say that I prefer to be alone, the loneliness sucks, but just thinking about being rejected hurts too much.",Not willing to risk rejection,3 +985,"I feel very alone, which I have a lot of my life subconsciously so it’s not usually an issue but the last 4/5 months especially have been intensely lonely. + +I go the gym, try to eat good, meditate etc. Some things help temporarily but most of the time I’m in my own head. It’s weird, I get along with most people I come into contact with but also actively avoid a further friendship from any of them. + +The only pressure I feel to have friends is because it’s viewed as odd for a female to have no friends. - my family members all have friends or people they hang out with…..Me I isolate with my dog in my room 24/7, I even play games alone now couldn’t handle having gaming friends anymore. - the only person I talk to is my cousin. I want to escape everything I feel but I’m trapped.",Rant sorry. My heart just hurts.,3 +986,,"[Image] ""Lightly my darling."" ~ Aldous Huxley",3 +987,"Had a YT channel, got a decent amount of views. Deleted the channel and all videos. + +Had an account on an art website, where I spent countless hours sharing art I spent countless hours on everyday. Deleted it. It had the only copies of my art. Last time I sketched was 2019. + +Used to game for hours everyday. Deleted all my games and got rid of my console and TV. + +Used to play instruments, working on an album. Got rid of the instruments and the songs (100+). + +Tried a dating app outta curiosity, got matches. Blocked them, deleted the app. + +Got interviews for my dream companies. Declined them. + +Used to love books, reading entire novels front to back in one sitting. Now my mind goes blank when I see blocks of text. I had to separate the lines in this post to read it. + +Ordered food. Cancelled because I didn't wanna be seen by the driver or any neighbors. + +Used to play sports and go to the gym daily. Quit all sports and haven't been to the gym in 3 years. + +Having stupid mini anxiety attacks because I'm scared my avoidance of everything is catching up to me and I'll be homeless. + +Saving as much money as I can because I refuse to believe I actually have a job or deserve one. Scared that the amount I saved isn't enough and I'm doomed if I lose my job. + +Scared that my minor health issues might actually be major.","Avoiding everything, doing nothing",3 +988,"I know, nothing related to AvPD, just curious. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10hyt3u)",What is your eye color?,3 +989,"I've been told I'm pretty but I almost never believe it lol. I don't like attention of any kind, good or bad. I noticed that I have this weird perfectionism that I have to ""look good"" for people. Ofc you want to be presentable + +But I take it overboard. I won't leave my house if I feel too badly about my appearance that day. I feel like I'm offending people by not looking good. I'm pretty sure this stems from ofc, childhood. + +I didn't care too much for looks as a kid, I just wanted to have fun. But my dad would constantly judge my hair, want me to change my clothes so I can look better. Every thing was about appearances with him. He would constantly look at himself, even in windows while walking out in public. + +He'd spend hours getting dressed (despite having no hair, so I don't get what took so long 🤭). I noticed I've picked up the same habits. I care far too much for my appearance when logically I know most people don't care. And if they do care, that's kind of weird. + +Are you like this? How does your appearance play into your avpd?",How much of your avpd surrounds your appearance?,3 +990,"Is that weird? When I look into the future…it’s black. I cannot get myself to visualize my life past today. It feels like I’m just floating all day with zero idea what I want for the next day. I’ve been thinking this for about 7 months now, and just wanted to see if anyone can relate. Is this something I should worry about?",I don’t see myself living a long life…,3 +991,"In country where I live, there were president elections and I didn’t even know about it until I went to someone I know and they asked me who I think will win president elections. It was already day after voting and they were just counting votes. I acted like I knew about it, but I didn’t. + +Like I don’t watch news or anything, so I am out of loop in lots of things that are happening and I don’t care much about politics honestly. + +I also can’t vote in this country, because I am a foreigner here, so that’s another thing why I don’t care about it much. But fk, the thing that president elections just slipped through without me even knowing about them, I found this to be ridiculous. Because it is always such a big event, how could I miss this? + +I also missed USA president elections (I am not USA citizen, I live in Europe). I learned that Biden is president 1.5 year later (sometime in 2022 summer) after he was elected. I still thought that Trump was president lol. + +I realized that I withdrawn from life too much, but it wasn’t even my choice. It was also because of COVID and that government forced us to just stay at home. I isolated myself from other people for almost 2 years, and now I am trying to go out again and trying to put my life back together.",It’s like I live in different world,3 +992,"I’m 28 and soon to be 29. Due to childhood trauma, abuse, and neglect, I grew very up lonely and to this day have never been in a relationship. I tried online dating and met a few people. Unfortunately no one panned out. While I’ll admit I wasn’t interested in any of them, I also just find myself feeling uncomfortable being with someone who knows your close personal life. I’ve never really had a close relationship with anyone my whole life. I’ve always been a loner and it’s been my comfort zone. + +I fantasize and would just love to have a partner who I can spend time with. But I have so little confidence and so worried about being judged that I just can’t put in the effort to start a serious relationship. I’m a weird loser with no friends and no hobbies, even if I have a good career and ok life otherwise. Being close with someone else makes me feel so uncomfortable. I also get exhausted by look at what it takes to maintain a relationship. I’m hoping I can get over this one day. Anyone else feel the same way?",Does anyone else here want a loving caring close relationship but at the same time just can’t get comfortable with the idea of being with someone else?,3 +993,"From most posts I read here it seems like most of you had avoidant behavior since childhood, and it was the same for me. + +So considering you were avoidant since you were a child, you probably had issues making friends since then. So have you ever had someone you called your “best friend” and they called you their “best friend” too? + +I had friend like this, we were “best friends” for about 19 years. When I left for University, then we stopped being in contact slowly. We met few times after that, but at this point I feel like we are not even friends anymore. + +But he was my good friend I have to say, he knew that I was shy and weird, but he always called me out to meet with people.",Have you ever had “best friend”?,3 +994,"I just started working in my first job after finishing university and I'm constantly worried about getting fired. I also constantly feel like my coworkers hate me. I'm moving out into my first own apartment at the end of the month and I'm overwhelmed with all the things I have to take care of. I'm most likely also not going to see my friends again after moving away and I'm scared of being lonely in the new place. I also have to spend a lot of money on furniture and I'm worried about picking the wrong stuff. Additionally I have to make contracts for internet, electricity etc. And what if I don't like the apartment after moving in? I wish I didn't have to make that many decisions.",Overwhelmed with everything right now,3 +995,"So, when I was younger, I knew perfectly well that my family had issues, the only thing was that I thought that it was normal. I looked at my parent's divorce, how poor my parents both were, my mother's constant struggles with drugs, mental health, jobs, and relationships and figured that there were more kids at school who's parents also divorced, so what makes mine any different? + +I kept going through life, made basically no friends, and in the fifth grade I moved parents. I switched from living with my mother to living with my father. +It was strange as both parents had very different parenting styles. + +My mother was more uninvolved due to her relationships, mental health, and other issues. On the other hand, my father is very authoritarian and often wasn't home as he spent his entire day at his office. + + I don't want to keep going on about the messes that happened in my life because I feel like I'm just complaining at this point. I just wish my family cared more. + +It's strange to think that after all the signs I showed, my family did nothing. They didn't stop and think something was wrong because they were so focused on everything else. And after everything I did to try and help my family members too, it's like they never considered that I was hurting too. + +When my brother's depression led him to be hospitalized, why would nobody think that hurt me? +Or when my dad lost his grandfather and he couldn't hold himself together? I comforted him while my brother (though given his condition I don't blame him) remained distant. + +There's plenty more, too much that I did that someone else should have done. Children shouldn't have to be adults because their parents are too busy or naive to do it themselves. + +I know I'm not giving much detail given some of the things I've mentioned, so, I'm sorry for that, I'm just not ready to share those things yet. + +I want nothing more than to leave my relatives behind and never look back, because all I can remember is how they failed me, and how I actually believed that they were good people until someone finally got close enough to me to see how bad my life was. I still can't believe someone had to tell me these weren't normal and that I did have bad parents. + +I grew up not knowing that these bad things were actually bad. I thought it was normal, and maybe to some degree they are normal, but definitely not all of it. Because I thought how I felt was normal and because when I did try to speak up I was invalidated by those relatives who had also gone through something. + +Just because I could hide my pain better than them didn't mean they were hurting worse than I was, but it sure made them feel that way. + +I wanted so badly to be different than everyone else because of this. I saw people who were hurting, who thought that I was normal, so I didn't want to end up like them. If what I was was normal, then I promised myself I would watch the mistakes my relatives made and not copy them. + + I would be someone different, someone people would like because I ""had it all together/under control"". But I didn't, I was just hiding. I wanted so badly to be someone special, because maybe then I would feel wanted or accepted. + + And now because of that, it hurts me deeply when people say my condition is normal. I just can't bring myself to believe that this is normal, that ""everyone"" feels like this. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic. That's why I hid, because if I did try to show people that I was hurting, then they would just brush me off and invalidate me again. + +I wanted to be special, and now to some degree I guess I am, but I don't even know if I want to be. + +Without this condition why would anyone care about me? But with this condition it wouldn't matter if they did anyway, I'll have so much trouble just trying to accept that someone actually wants to be near me for some reason. + +Of everything that I want, I want just a few things. +I want to move far away from my family and never see them again so I don't have to be reminded of my past. I want to be a better person who's past doesn't define them, that way I can be myself and be okay around other people. And lastly, if I can get those other two things, then I want to be in a relationship with nice woman, someone who will support me and understand that I'm not always going to be okay, but I'll still try my best to support her. Of course there's more to a relationship than that, but having someone who can be empathetic with me is definitely something I'm looking for. + + +Well, that's it for now. I want to apologize for this being so long and uncoordinated. I hope this doesn't make anyone feel bad, I know there's a bunch of negative things in this and I'm sorry about that. + +I really hope y'all are doing well. ❤️",I wanted to be different.,3 +996,,"Not sure is this belongs here, but for those interested: There is increasing evidence indicating that extreme social withdrawal (Hikikomori) is a global phenomenon.",3 +997,"This has been going on since I was a child. A friend or family member doesn't answer my call and after a half hour I start to worry that they don't care about me anymore. I'm an extremely logical person, but can't help following that sinking emotion that has me analyzing all these dooming scenarios that leaves me wondering if I said something that pissed them off or if they figured something out about our relationship and decided to move on. I know better, but have never been able to relieve myself. I guess I just cant help but to feed the worry over believing in myself and the people close to me.",I'm So Sick of Thinking Someone Hates Me When They Don't Call Back,3 +998,,Is there any crossover between AvPD and fearful-avoidant/disorganized attachment?,3 +999,It's either drinking or being on Helex,I had to drink vodka to upload a video on yt :(,3 +1000,"**Edit:** The Telegram group has been created, here's the invitation link: https://t.me/+r_m6p58MZUhmZDdk + +- Number of members as of 2022/07/30: **71** +- Number of members as of 2022/09/26: **158** +- Number of members as of 2022/12/25: **219** + +We created a [Telegram](https://www.telegram.org/) group/room for people with AvPD who want to talk to other people with AvPD, to break the loneliness, pass the time, make friends or just lurk. + +Please introduce yourself briefly (for instance: name, age, sex, country, languages spoken, hobbies) when joining the group. Also, remember to welcome people who just joined the group. + +If you have any suggestions or ideas to improve (in quality) the group, if you want to create an event or anything that might improve the experience of the group, feel free to share them in the group and ping me. + +[Telegram](https://telegram.org/) is available on PC (Windows), macOS, Linux, iPhone (iOS), iPad (iOS) and Android phones and tablets. There's also a Web version (but you first need to install it on one of your devices to use it). + +**Note:** You can also speak your native language in this group (if at least one other member also speak it).",Is there anyone interested in joining a group for AvPD on Telegram?,3 +1001,,This,3 +1002,"When I see normal people constantly talk and have fun with it, I'm genuinely shocked. How the hell do they have something to talk about all the time?? How do they know what would be interesting to the person they talk to? + +It feels like I operate on lvl 1 of social skills, while everyone else is already on lvl 100. Nobody around me has the same lvl, so I can't even train to become stronger; doomed to lose every encounter.",Anyone else have nothing in common with other people?,3 +1003,"I really enjoy watching people live their lives, listening indirectly to their conversations while in public, being an observer of events etc. My problem is having to interfere on the world, I hate having to talk and to do things that will have consequences in it. I wish I could just watch life like a tv show or as if I was a ghost, in a way that no one could see me, nothing would be expected of me and I wouldn't need to worry because I would be certain of it. I could just contemplate the world in peace. + +Some of you guys may have watched Euphoria and I definitely feel a connection with the description made about Lexi, how she felt like she was an just observer and that her life was not really her life, just some sort of play or movie. + +These days I been having the classic ""I want to leave all behind and live in the woods with just a dog"" idea and daydreams, and I guess that a big part of it is because I feel like there I could be like this, or at least similar enough. Be an observer of nature, never having to deal with socialization again, only brief interactions for, let's say, buy necessary stuff from other people (which I don't mind). I know this isn't realistic for my context and also that it probably wouldn't be this magical thing, but it's a fantasy that brings me satisfaction. + +I guess I'm just burned out of people. A lot of bad things happened in my relational and social life since childhood till last year and I'm really bitter about it right now. Of course I want to find real connection, where I could be myself openly and comfortably, but because it always goes wrong and brings disappointments I'm really hopeless at this point and honestly kinda angry. I don't have patience for people anymore, I'm tired, I'm being judgy as hell and I'm activelly avoiding new people.",Being a ghost would be my ideal form of existence.,3 +1004,,Welp...,3 +1005,"Lately I just feel like garbage. I havent left the house much in like 2 weeks, and I've been missing class. It all feels too overwhelming for me, but being at home makes me feel like trash too...I cant win. I cant sleep right either. I wake up every other hour and im so tired.... + +I feel so angry and anxious lately too because I feel as if everyone hates me and that they're happier without me. My friends hardly talk to me lately. I see them on social media chatting and making plans to call/play games and im never included lately. Im not surprised though. Who'd want to be friends with someone as depressed and broken as me? + +I want to crawl in a hole and disappear :(",I am hurting,3 +1006,"I work from home as a software developer, most aspects of the job are too triggering, and I can’t handle it. + +Every morning starts with a daily update meeting. Since I usually had done only 0-30 minutes of work the previous day, I have no update to give, I panic and have to lie, and the lie is transparent. Afterwards I have to cool down from the shame, guilt, and stress. It’s already hard to recover from the procrastination because everything I do, with the code or on Slack, has a timestamp, a notification, and is visible to everyone. Once there’s something I’m avoiding (committing code, deploying code, posting the code for review, responding to someone, testing code, an upcoming meeting, etc.) I often go offline from inactivity, and then I’m afraid to even open my laptop (which can take hours to overcome) because once I do everyone can see I’m online on Slack; my procrastination then is immediately visible to the people who are impacted and who are looking for it i.e. people I’m not responding to, my manager. + +I already got in trouble for not doing my work, missing meetings, not responding to people for days or weeks, and just not showing up some days without telling anyone. I was put on a month-long probation, which I’ve gotten past only because I didn’t ghost entire days during that time. I have frequent meetings with my manager and I have to pretend I’m struggling way less than I am. I can’t admit that half or more of the days I do absolutely nothing, or how much communicating with people — the most important part of the job — so fundamentally terrifies me. + +I know every trick in the book about procrastination, time management, breaking down tasks, but that’s not enough when I’m this afraid of people. I’ve accepted I need help from another person. I’ve talked about this some with friends, but none of them understand, so all they can provide is sympathy. I have a psychiatrist and I’ve been trying to find a therapist, but they’ve all been unhelpful, many actively harmful. + +I know it's a slow process, but every single day at work is like torture, and I’m on very thin ice. Because I can’t get the work done, it’s not endurable, and I don’t have the time or energy to work on all the other parts of my life in dire need of work. I don’t want to quit because I haven’t been here that long and I had a big gap between quitting my previous job (for the same reasons). But I can’t stay like this for months until I find someone and begin making progress. + +I don’t know what to do",I can't cope with my job,3 +1007,"I’m 24 and don’t have a stunningly high body count, it never used to bother me but once i hit my 20s and people i knew hit that phase of sleeping around and doing the casual relationship thing it just hooked into my brain + +I tried to do the whole hoe phase thing but i’m terrified of everything around being more intimate with someone, making moves, doing things right, my own body; just not being able to keep up the act ive got going and having to have someone see all of me, you know? + +and on paper i know it’s fine not everyone on earth is hoeing it up, either side of the spectrum is fine, but my brains really latched onto this as another thing that makes me different from everyone else and something people are going to judge me for. like i’m not a person because no one’s ever really wanted me. & every time someone brings it into conversation i just feel physically sick with how much of the biggest freak i feel like + +i’m sorry if this barely makes sense i just really needed to get this off my chest",AE feel like this?,3 +1008,"Hi dear community! + +I have a question, my partner has AVPD. We have been dating for some months. + +And I noticed that when he’s going through an anxiety “episode” or moment. He sort of physically avoids me. + +For example if he feels embarrassed, or has low self esteem particularly high that moment. He will “hide” behind his laptop, or walk behind or in front of me, distancing himself physically, while still being kind, it’s more of a way of hiding from me, when he can’t actually leave. (For example when we share a hotel room on vacation) + +I did notice that when I grab his hand to hold mine while walking, that he does reciprocate(even when he tried to walk behind me or further away from me) but I’m not sure if he does it to please me but dislikes it, or if he likes it that I’m gently being reassuring and consistent. + + +My dear Avpd-Ers- when feeling low, do you like being comforted, or do you truly want someone to take distance and leave you alone? I just want to learn how to handle the situation so he feels comfortable! + +Thanks everyone !!",How to deal with in-person avoidance?,3 +1009,,The waiting game. It's a fun one.,3 +1010,"I feel like I’ve had a realization in the last few months that I wanted to share. It’s that one of the ways forward with this disability for me is to learn how to honestly express myself without distortion, and to do that constantly without regard for the fact that it causes me pain and discomfort. + + I used to cope with my issues by putting on a mask of a personality that I built using self help books and a desperate need for approval. Basically just the ‘fake it til you make it strategy’. Although I became more conventionally likable, it truly did not help in the long run as I was never able to get close to people. Now I am back to an ultimately isolated life. But I’m trying something different. + +It’s very challenging to me and not always doable but I think it is necessary. And that is to view socializing as a simple and honest expression of myself between others. When I have a thought or opinion or feeling, say it, put it out there in some way (for better or worse). Also, treat what others say as true expression of their being. This may sound silly but I think it is a subtle seeming thing that is actually big deal. + +As I said it’s challenging and not always doable, this is because +1. A deeply negative emotional and sometimes physical reaction to the idea of expressing most things in my mind for fear of embarrassment or rejection. +2. My brain going blank due to weariness and therefor not having anything to express. +3. The fact that isolation makes me depressed and lonely so the things on my mind can bring the vibe down. + +But regardless I realize that this is what I have to do, and that watching myself mindfully and purely expressing what’s on my mind is the only way forward. Usually what happens when I force something out is that I brace for impact. Brace for embarrassment, rejection, etc. Usually I assume that people are secretly embarrassed for me for whatever I said, but whether or not that is true isn’t important. + +I’ve been trying a lot of tools of expression such as music, writing, and drawing, and I think these are helping me learn how to express myself naturally. + +Anyway, I’m tired of pretending. Im not sure if I will ever be able to speak without fear and shame, but at least I won’t have to strain myself into a ‘safe’ caricature. Maybe this seems like crazy person thoughts but I hope someone relates or understands.",Expressing myself,3 +1011,"It is not possible to know what it is like to experience the world from inside someone else’s body, but I can infer from others that people enjoy being with other people more than I do. + +It is rare that I enjoy a person’s company. Usually I look forward to being alone again. Instead of pleasure, I do feel an absence of loneliness or fear, but these are not pleasure. I very much experience health benefits from being with other people, I can’t deny this, but in the moment I feel like something important is missing. + +To say it different, I don’t feel a desire to be with others unless I am wanting to soothe or avoid loneliness or fear. By default, being alone is peaceful and ideal. + + +Is it really anhedonia, or is it also possible that my default is actually that the social anxiety overpowers the social pleasure so that I can’t feel feel. And it takes a really strong negative emotion to overpower social anxiety in order to provoke a desire to be with others. + +Wish I understood so that I could participate more in life.",An absence of social pleasure (social anhedonia),3 +1012,"I'm 23 years old. + +I hope everyday that someone else than my mom would see me, find something they like about me and decide to brush me off and give me a piece of shelter. + +I've been through too much shit to start over with my family and I just want to feel like I matter and I can make a difference.",I dream that someone would adopt me.,3 +1013,"Like breaking stuff that’s not yours, or forgetting to do something important. I’m a perfectionist and every time I screw up it kills my mood and sends me into a spiral of self loathing. Suicidal thoughts appear immediately. Can’t help but see myself as an anti-Midas, and that’s one thought that usually proves itself to be true. + +I just had a bit of a fuck up. Don’t care to go into detail about it, but moments like this are why avoidance makes sense. It never would’ve happened if I didn’t take the chance.",How do you deal with making mistakes?,3 +1014,"so, throwaway because i’m afraid she might be in this sub. +before asking the real question, long story short (tldr at the end): + +so me (22m) and this girl (20f) matched on tinder a year ago, we want on a date and then she ghosted me the day after. +tried to talk to her one day after few months, got a single message reply and then she disappeared again. +at the end of last year i notice she was on hinge saying she broke up with her bf, so i started posting instagram stories that she might’ve been find interesting, and she started liking them, so after a while i reached out to her and wishing a happy new year. she seemed kinda interest, so we made plans for the following week. +she ghosted me again. i was disappointed. +after few days i noticed she had put me back in the close friends (she removed me from it after the first ghosting) so i thought “mh she might be to ashamed to write me back after all this time, i’ll reach out again” +and since then we never stopped talking anymore, but here comes the problem. +we just talked for a couple months, i tried not to push anything to don’t let her make uncomfortable and run away again, but she basically is just venting on me, and now she started venting also about “male friends” on and on, so i got suspicious, and i was right, she’s back on hinge with a fresh new verified and recently active profile. + +now here comes the problem, and i don’t mean her being on hinge, at least not directly. +-she’s in therapy and on meds, i’m pretty sure her therapist wouldn’t suggest her to be on hinge (correct me if i’m wrong). +-she said she couldn’t drink cause of meds and of med swings, but few days ago she started hanging out at night (she couldn’t do it before hanging out with me couple weeks ago) with “a male friend” and wanted to get drunk ( 🚩). +-she said she’s to anxious to hang out with people outta blue ( 🚩). +-we were talking about hanging out again, said she was super busy, got even more busy with college lessons, but she found the to hang out with somebody else, while i’m being her emotional support for the last 2-3 months +-didn’t text me back for couple days after hanging out with that guy + +so the real question is: how do i gently end up things with her? i don’t want to make feel her guilty, but i can’t keep stressing myself this much + +i thought she’d made progress with her therapist, but apparently she isn’t doing much of what they says, so i think she might be helpless and toxic, and mostly we aren’t on the same page, i truly love her and i think she knows but she’s playing with me and using me just to vent and for not feeling completely lonely + +TLDR after being ghosted multiple times with a girl with avpd, adhd and probably bpd too (i’m referring what she said to me), we seemed to bond for once, but she might be a toxic person and i don’t think i don’t want keep pursuing this anymore , i’d like to slowly walk away without hurting both of us. +she probably know i’m in love with her and she’s playing me. even if i’d come out and we’d make things work (quite impossible imho) i’m not sure she might be a good fit. + +-sorry for language mistakes and for the format, but i’m from mobile-",how to gently ghost an avoidant without making feel them guilty?,3 +1015,"It honestly amazes me how similarly horrific my social experience with the second degree was even though I KNEW the pitfalls and tried my best. Granted, covid did happen as I started. Still don’t know if it could have been different for me, I’m bitter to say the least. + +Both times it was something like this: + +First year, I try to fit in but get all stressed out. People reach out a little, I either avoid it or get in the situation, act awkward and get back to avoiding. + +Second year, I get a nervous break down, heavy paranoia and practically speak to nobody. People stop reaching out. + +Third year, I feel a little better in a who cares anyway -kind of way, I try to act like a normal person again but people make an effort not to even come in contact with me. I feel like I’m still in quarantine, not even alone but like actually hated by a bunch of people even though I practically don’t exist to them.",I’ve got two degrees and both university experiences were almost identical in social sense,3 +1016,"I’m not saying Elliott had AvPD, but as an AvPD-sufferer I feel like the lyrics in this songs fits to a lot of what’s going on in my life. I’m constantly guarding myself against other people’s love («your protection over their affection»), and basically alienating myself from them («Nobody broke your heart. You broke your own, cause you can’t finish what you start»).",Alameda by Elliott Smith and AvPD,3 +1017,,Movies Movies Movies,3 +1018,"I made plans with a girl and we wanted to meet. + +I decided to cancel it and I told her that I don’t feel good. Obviously she asked what is trying to get me as a some physical illness, but in reality depression is trying to get me. I mean I really don’t feel good I didn’t lie, it’s just not a physical illness. + +What I am suprised is that she instantly also said that we can meet next week. I thought she isn’t interested and she is just messing with me, that’s also reason why I decided to cancel. I don’t think that my depression will be cured until then.😕",I rejected her even though I wanted her,3 +1019,thinking about dxxth a lot recently. How do I stop?,I’ve been,3 +1020,"Context- when “normal” people interact with each other they speak and converse like they know eachother beforehand when they dont. But im always quiet and just silently looking at them? And like i know they notice it and sometimes they dont even want to interact because im so silent? + +Its like really hard to interact with when it’s about personal relationship. But when i have appointments its easier? + +(Extrovert/ normal idk What to Call it)",Why am i so weird and how to get better interacting with people?,3 +1021,"Sometimes a song stops me in my tracks and [this is one of them](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WjxIuZVgjp8). + +My mother would tell me I’m exactly the same type of person as the lyrics of this song describe. She called me a sociopath, someone really sick in the head and not redeemable. That I tried to purposely ruin my family’s lives. Like I had a secret agenda that even I couldn’t know about. It’s been the foundation of all of my relationships with others, and helps explain why I get so nervous trying to get close with anyone. Trying to connect while thinking I’m secretly extremely evil and unlovable and that I’m taking advantage of everyone just by wanting to talk with them. That everything I say is actually ‘calculated’ and manipulative, despite me being unaware of this. That my side of the story isn’t just shameful and wrong, it’s *evil and vile.* + +Avoidant with BPD is contradictory hell. I’m hating closeness and trying to stay away but the other side of me is always getting too close in the relationships I can keep so they don’t leave me. I’m unbelievably stressed because I’m so close to disaster. I hate to vent to my best friend of several years because I feel like I’m being too greedy of her time. I feel like I’m “sucking off all the meat” of this relationship, taking up the space for my troubles, and then I don’t even improve. I know she’s going to leave when she discovers I’m actually a terrible person and that I don’t change. I can feel it creeping towards me and I want to die. + +I feel like she’s only my friend because she falsely believes I have potential. I feel like I’ve somehow manipulated her into thinking I’m a nice person. I feel like I’m so much worse than she thinks. I can’t understand why someone would care about me, other than they must be confused thinking of the wrong person. I can’t believe the situation I’m in. It happens every single time, and I never learn. + +I get her texts saying I need to try to get help and I just want to sink into the ground and die. I feel like I’ve done something really wrong and should stop talking to her. The answer is simple: stop avoiding therapy. Actually tell the therapist the truth. Everyone is sick of me including me.",Feel like a leech,3 +1022,Who here has hypochondria?,Hypochondria,3 +1023,Is Radiohead Creep the Anthem for AVPD or is our problem so much more comes?,Creep,3 +1024,"I have had bad luck with therapists in the past but decided to try again. I am mainly going to overcome a fear of driving. I have driven before back as a teenager and the process was going well but there were some things that happened that then hindered it. Before in therapy, I didn't have specific goals and I don't think that helped.",My first therapy appointment in a long time,3 +1025," +maybe this isn’t the best place to post this but literally why am I like this? I could’ve fucking died and I’m more scared of talking to people on the phone. maybe I’d find it a little funny if it wasn’t so pathetic. aren’t normal people supposed to be more traumatized about the actual crash/near death experience? meanwhile I’m over here basically having a panic attack over having to talk to people over the phone about it. this is ridiculous.",I got in a bad car accident the other day and the worst part is having to talk to insurance people on the phone🤦‍♀️,3 +1026,"I have recently come across AvPD and I realized that I relate to almost all of the symptoms. First off, I’m very anxious in almost all social situations. This includes hanging around friends i’ve known for many many years, being around extended family (who i’ve also known for many years), being around coworkers, meeting new people, and even just going grocery shopping. + +I often try to avoid a lot of social situations which has definitely affected a lot of my relationships. I’m not very close with my friends or family anymore. I still hangout with them sometimes but it’s not on a very deep level. I don’t really open myself up to anyone. I’m scared of people figuring out my true personality and that they won’t like me for who I am. I hide lots of parts of my personality and not one person on this earth truly knows me. I’m close enough with my parents that I don’t get anxious around them, however I still hide many pieces of myself and don’t feel comfortable enough to show everything about myself. + +I have also struggled to find jobs that don’t make me anxious. It took me until I was 18 years old until I finally got my first job because of this. I currently work at a daycare and have worked here for about 7 months and my anxiety has seemed to get worse. I have been thinking about quitting for awhile now but am terrified of having the conversation with my boss about quitting. + +Whenever I’m at work, I feel inferior to everyone else. I feel like I have less experience, I overthink everything, and I am so awkward around my coworkers and parents. I feel like I’m incompetent and people don’t take me seriously because of my poor communication skills. My mind often goes blank when I’m asked questions and I don’t feel like I’m much of a help. I also try to focus completely on the kids and I would rather not form any real relationships with other coworkers. I try to keep conversations polite and small. I rarely talk about myself either, just enough to get by. I play it safe. + +I’ve always just felt like there was something wrong with me. Social anxiety kinda describes the way I feel but it seems like it’s more than just that.",I think I have AvPD (avoidant personality disorder),3 +1027,"(finally found the will to post here after years of lurking) + +I’ve been living alone for all my adult years and I work from home. I don’t have any kind of social life and can easily spend several weeks without seeing or speaking to anyone. I do have family, but they all live far away and I don’t see them often. + +So sometimes I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I ever have a stroke or a heart attack, or if I fall down the stairs, or if I choke on some food… I often read about people being found dead in their home several years or even decades after they died, and deep down I’m convinced that’s how I’ll end up. It really makes me feel scared and helpless and I don’t know how to cope with it.",Anyone else terrified of dying alone?,3 +1028,"I prefer males to answer this but if you feel it bothers you as a female too, plz feel free to choose as well. I kind of want to see if it may be a risk factor for this PD or if it’s irrelevant… and it bothers me a lot. Feel free to leave your thoughts below too. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/120kyg0)",What is your height?,3 +1029,Omg I'm home. Finally a place I belong.,Who knew,3 +1030,,How did you know you had/ve avoidant pd?,3 +1031,"Does anybody else feel the need to fake yourself in front of others? + +I pretend to be happy and not depressed, because frankly, no one likes a depressed person. Even I know that. But beyond that, it’s like I have no personality. The only reason I can survive my office environment at work right now is because of an actual, real, and positive coworker. She has the personality that I wish I had, easy to talk to and very kind. But she’s leaving tomorrow. + +So I’ve been faking my entire self. Happy, smiling, and trying to make conversation when all I really want to do is shut myself in my room. What can I even do at this point? How can I maintain a normal relationship without having to be the fakest person in the world ????",Faking Yourself ?,3 +1032,"One thing I'm aware of is after you've been disconnected from societal norms for a few years, it seems very difficult to return. I tend to stay away from looking at other people's lives, overall it is good but you also need an awareness of how far adrift you are and the standard you're compared against. + +The average person is socially active, whereas were disengaged. They have a constant stream of chores hobbies events plans, messaging circles. In a day some days I speak to no one and can't even find the motivation to do anything new, even something like watching a movie I can put off. My point is that after a while when you look at the ''activity level'' of a normal average person I just feel inadequate. This is made worse reinforced by the fact that whenever i do try connect with others I get rejected thats because they can sense pretty early I have nothing going on for myself in these social areas and I am not so much like them. And thats the catch-22 because people excluding you stops you ever having anything. + +I'm incapable of organising a fun life, things, like viewing someone in family gathering and getting along with large groups of people and creating a good impression, are intimidating,nearly impossible for me. I'm behind in career, life experiences, life skills, energy. It's just difficult to even get a footing, iv been cut away for so long and many types have closed the door on me","I'm screwed, maybe many of you are too?",3 +1033,"Hi lovely community! I’m quite new on this forum! And just wondered if the origin of this is similar to what people refer to as an avoidant attachment style in which a lot of sources claim it’s due to neglect from parents in early childhood. + +What triggers avpd or what is the kind of trauma that sparks it? From what I’ve read so far it’s not something you are born with but rather develops with age? +Please correct me if I’m wrong!",Does avpd stem from childhood trauma?,3 +1034,"Ever since I started going to the gym , I have fallen in love with it. I look forward to it everyday as it completely distracts me from whatever it is I might be dealing with in my head. I usually go in the evening and up until then I'm fine. But I swear that drive back from the gym and when I'm sitting in my room all alone, can be extremely excruciating sometimes. The anxiety feels like a balloon going up and up into the sky, eventually it will pop and come back down. It's just an awful feeling, and I feel it almost every time now. I wonder if anyone else has felt it or knows what I'm talking about? It's such a terribly lonely feeling I get. I think what really bothers me more than anything in my life is this belief I have that I am not a good person. I mean it's not like I'm cussing people out or being a dick to anyone. It's more like I treat people like they don't matter or mean anything to me, it's an extremely shitty thing to do. Like I see a lot of the same people every day, and I think normally this would result in you forming a bond with them slowly at least. But it's not like that, everyone that's not in my immediate family just gets kept at arm's length. Even then, the relationships I do have with my family almost seem to be held up by plastic and tape.",Anxiety after the gym,3 +1035,,How to stop from sabotaging yourself?,3 +1036,"Hey, so... I've made some realizations in the shower as I do what most of us do and plan out the conversations I'll be having in two weeks because I know it's going to happen and I need to be ready or I'll just clam up and nothing is going to happen. We've all been there, most of us are still there, let's talk about what I'm thinking about in this little vent sesh. + +Alright, so I was showering, thinking about how akward it's going to be when I tell my friends some secrets. Wow! I know, sharing secrets! It freaking sucks! + +So basically, I'm part of a church group, and these people are closer to me than my family because I don't like/trust my family and being around them is stressful. These friends that I hang out with all the time are my safe place and they make me feel...happy really. + +Though I don't share everything, these people are genuine and kind, and they always make me feel safe. It's just that, I am going on a mission trip with them this summer. Going to Africa, and it took them months to convince me to come with them. I still don't like the idea of going, but knowing that I'll be with them the entire time makes me feel much better. Besides, I used to fly a lot so the plane ride will be pretty nostalgic for me. + +So, as part of going on the trip, I have to do a few things. One thing that I have to do is research a topic on one part of the trip and give a presentation to oir team (9 people including me). I trust, love, and feel safe with everyone on this team, and all but one of them have been my closest friends for almost 2 years now. I couldn't ask for better friends. + +Anyways, the presentation I'm giving is in two weeks and I'll be discussing the entertainment part of the trip. Basically, I just have to research what kind of entertainment there is where we're going and make a small (mostly funny) slideshow. It doesn't even have to last 5 minutes, but honestly...this presentation is the least of my anxieties in this mess. + +Another thing that I'm going to have to do is share my testimony. That is essentially a summarized version of your life story. I'll have to talk about my troubles, my past, my family, all of it. And these are my friends, they'll know if I'm holding back. But it scares me so much! Half of them don't actually know I have avpd! They just know that I've been going to therapy for a while and that I started taking medicine. Though, the medicine is kind of iffy really. + +Anyways, I'm super anxious about it, especially since I did something similar last year, but that was at the height of my emotional suppression. This time last year, I was so empty and emotionless. But of course, nobody knew. I was always masking my emotions and faking a smile. I didn't even know I was doing it, and when I gave my testimony for last year's mission, it was incomplete and full of holes. I talked about my lack of friends, but I was blind to the emotional abuse and neglect from my parents and siblings because I had convinced myself that I was just weak and that my pain was normal and even less than what everyone else had to go through. + +But it's not like that, that's not how I should think about my past pain. It took so long for my friends to break my barriers, but they managed to do that and convince me to go to therapy. + + I'm much better now, but I'm also not suppressing my emotions. It was really hard at first because everything just hurt so much and it overwhelmed me. One moment I was putting on a face to fool everyone into thinking I was okay, but as soon as I was behind closed doors, I was hurting myself and cursing the world for letting my life be the way it was. + +The fact that I have to go and tell my friends how I've been feeling over the last year is overwhelming, but I am not allowed to go on this mission unless I share my testimony. It's only fair though, everyone of us is sharing our testimony, no matter how much it hurts, we're going to be here for each other. + + +If you've actually read this far, I just want to say thank you. You're a special type of person, and whoever is in your life is truly lucky to know someone like you. And if they don't understand that, then know that I am thanking you for the kindness you have done for me just by reading this. Thank you.",Storytime...,3 +1037,"I recently got diagnosed with AVPD and I feel completely hopeless. This is me, and I will stay like this my whole life. Am I going to have girlfriends? Am I going to get my dream job? Have a fun life? Travel around the world? Apparently not. Apparently I'm just a guy who will stay in his room for the rest of his life and be perpetually awkward at social gatherings. +I'm 22 and I feel like I'm 60",Am I doomed?,3 +1038,"Was scrolling on tiktok when I saw my previous school mate 2 years younger than me on my FYP. She's a famous race car driver representing our country all over the world. She now just recently joined an F1 school. I know money and her being a nepo baby (her father was also a race car driver before) helped her achieve big things, but she also wouldn't be where she is right now if she wasn't great. + +I just realized that I'm 2 years older than her and I'm about to repeat my last year of highschool (i dropped out this mid school year because of mental health reasons), and I still don't even know wtf I wanna do in life. + +My best friend is so fckin smart, she's studying right now to be a chemical engineer. My other best friend is also smart, all of his grade averages are 95+ (100 is the highest in my country). + +I'm surrounded by smart, and talented people with a future, people who will make a name for themselves and become rich in the future. People who have already carved their paths. While I'm here barely even making it through the day. I can't even go to school without wanting to off myself, while they're here working their ass off for their future. + +My best friends don't even know I already dropped out of high school. I'm too embarrassed to tell them. How can I tell them? They would be too embarrassed to have a highschool dropout as a friend. What am i even doing with my life? I always avoid things, things that make me feel uncomfy or unsafe. Now look where that got me. Stuck inside the house wasting my life away. I'm gonna be 20 in october, my teen years are finally over. I didn't even get to experience the things that teenagers are ""supposed"" to experience. I can't believe smart people like my friends are friends with someone as pathetic as me.",this disorder has stopped me from pushing myself for the better me.,3 +1039,"This is an excerpt from the introduction of a book called *On The Outside Looking In* by Daniela Grazia, about her experiences with social anxiety. + +I’ve used it to describe my experiences to others, but I have both social anxiety and AvPD so I worry if I’m not explaining from the ‘correct’ side (?). I’m also a psychology student and find it interesting to try to distinguish the two. I suppose it only matters in my head, but it does matter. + +The quote (one long one, formatting issues): +>“It is a feeling that comes over me often, an old menace that stubbornly refuses to die. In classes, in coffee shops, in almost any activity where surrounded by potential friends. It is the profound feeling of alienness. + +>”At any moment in the group conversation, something in me snaps. I look around the table at the other people blissfully talking, and I do not feel like one of them. I am not one of them. I am different, a foreigner, an alien, a stranger in a strange land. + +>”And then the urge to run away, to hide, to be away from the people comes up. Sometimes I fight the urge and stay on, hiding my vast discomfort. Other times I do run away, cursing the cowardice and the shame, miserable in my misanthropy, but secure in my solitude. + +>”There is something in the faces, in the voices of the others that I do not have. They are into the conversation. They live outside themselves, I live inside myself. They talk, listen, and laugh; I think, listen, and smile. + +>”They are relaxed. I am not. I am never relaxed, except when I’m alone. Solitude is the only place where I can ever truly be known. + +>”Yet I am not content with this. For the real me is lonely, desperately lonely, longing for intimacy, friendship and love. I long to be able to relax, to laugh, to talk, and converse amiably with other human beings. But I cannot. I idealize them in private and fear them in public. + +>”Fear...fear drives the haunted mind. Fear tortures me, gnaws at me, and chases me from nearly everything I crave the most. But not even fear can conquer the longing, the desperate longing, the aching striving for meaning in life, for something other than the endless nights alone and unhugged, the dreams unshared, the life unnoticed. + +>”When I am alone, I wish I was other people. When I am with other people, I wish I was alone. This contradiction is slowly, but ruthlessly destroying my soul.”",Do you think this a good description of our experiences?,3 +1040," + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11yshfa)",How many people message you in an average day?,3 +1041,"I've seen it recommended here often, and decide to check it. I'm only in the beginning but this book seems really misogynistic and like American conservative or something. I'm kinda want to dnf it but maybe there are something useful in it? What is your opinion if anyone read it?",Does anyone read book called No More Mr Nice Guy?,3 +1042,"I am 22 years old and male. I was diagnosed when I was 18. I've also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I live with my parents and I am NEET. I did not go to college. I've spent the majority of my childhood and adolescence getting some kind of therapy and/or psychiatric help, but I stopped about a year ago because I realized it was not going to help me. I have very low energy and fleeting motivation, and day to day I can't consistently do the basic tasks of caring for myself and maintaining my living space, in other words, living like an actual adult. The main reason these things are so hard for me is that when I'm doing chores and things where my mind can wander, I keep thinking about things I don't want to think about. I remember in detail the moments when people have insulted me or been cruel to me, or times when I've embarassed myself or made a mistake, for years, and I relive them constantly, and the wounds are continuously reopened and never heal. I often freeze up when these thoughts strike me and sometimes it makes me curse or say things out loud when I know I'm alone. Sometimes these thoughts can be powerful enough to ruin a good mood and ruin my day. It can make completing simple tasks so painful that I avoid them entirely and my quality of life suffers greatly and it affects the people that I live with. I spend almost all of my time constantly trying to distract myself and escape from these thoughts. Can anyone relate? How can I function like this?",How can I function with unwanted thoughts that don't go away?,3 +1043,"Take the test [here](https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new). DON'T - I REPEAT - DON'T TAKE THE TEST ON 16personalities. Highly inaccurate. All tests are, but whatever. Do it. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11z14d3)","Okay y'all, for science, what's your MBTI (PART 1)",3 +1044,"Ever hate people because you can't ever be like them? I have this person in my class and she's so perfect, so put together, she makes me jealous. If I'm ever good at something she'll be better.... its like I can never be better than her in anything. I know I sound immature, dumb too but i needed to let this out.",Resentment,3 +1045,"Congratulations on making this invaluable observation. You have successfully made it even more awkward for me now. + +And these creatures exist in every f***ing party.",Those extrovert specimens who take pride in publicly pointing out that I've been silent throughout the party deserve a special place in hell,3 +1046,"Sorry, I'll try to keep it relatively short. + +I'm a 31-year-old male and I've never been diagnosed with AvPD, but while reading about the symptoms a month ago, things finally made sense to me why I act a certain way. I thought I just had some kind of social anxiety when I went to therapy several years ago, but I've felt that there has to be something else since I started feeling different in middle school. I've avoided people, responsibilites and have taken jobs where I can mostly avoid interpersonal communication. + +I do still have close friends, a great family and a girlfriend, but I still have this urge to self-isolate and be alone. However, I do try to help people whenever asked and I try to do well at my workplace. Right now, I have an opportunity to work longer at my current job and might even get a promotion 1-3 years along the line in a position that I could basically hold for the rest of my working life. But it would surely involve a lot more responsibilites, speaking another language I don't know too well (I live in a bilingual country, where I speak the minority language) a lot more and of course, a ton more interpersonal communication. I've searched and applied for other jobs recently because my current contract will expire in a few months. I'm much more inclined to take a temp job for 1 and a half year with something I like more and less interpersonal communication than a potential permanent job position. + +It probably sounds crazy for most people if they heard this, but this is genuinely how I feel. I let my feelings of inadequacy and wanting to avoid people control me instead of doing something that could secure my future. Is this at all relatable?",How common is this for people with AvPD?,3 +1047,"I have AvPD and I am too afraid to ask for help. Even if I found the courage to find a therapist, I am a minor so I would also have to tell my parents (that just feels impossible). Do you guys have ideas of small steps I could take so I can work my way up to having the courage to get help? (I struggle with things like ordering food at restaurants so is there anything easier than that?)",Any advice is greatly appreciated,3 +1048,"Where I am from, everybody is on Facebook. That anxiety inducing place, where I never feel safe and I feel hated, invisible and dumb. Lately I've been spiralling and posted sad, angsty posts to people who don't care about me. Thankfully, I got only 60 ""friends"". Facebook made me feel more alone. I'm disabled and I don't go outside and I struggle with texting. I just don't get it. I don't have the energy. I kept deleting my posts, feeling more ashamed. I need it for something that's work related and still ongoing. But enough. I don't care if everyone is there, I rather not feel like a burden and vent on Reddit. Having a profile with my name and face while I am utterly depressed? No thanks. It's not like I made any friends there. I really hope that my issues will be resolved and I won't go back and make a fool outta myself because no one cares.",Finally deactivated Facebook.,3 +1049,"I have always dreamed, goal of mine to get away from my family and all people if I worked hard I could live by myself and never ever have any obligation to speak to another human being so long as I had my ducks in a row both financially and in general (think ordering groceries and just leave it at the door, tip well, go away). I'm getting older and I hate how much I keep needing to interact with people, I don't have anyone in my life other than my parents but even they are on my last tiny nerves... except we've been needing eachothers help a lot. + +They're old and need help, I'm getting older and sometimes need help when im getting sick or life happens. This flop era is turning into a flop lifetime. I'm drained seeing people. + +I just want to wake up 1 day in my own place and hear complete and total silence, never cross paths with another human being, never make eye contact or play the dumb game of ""social interaction"" and just have enough... stuff to get my needs met. Not even an escape I just want to exist solely.",I desperately wish/ want to live alone but physically/financially cant,3 +1050,"I just really came across with this term avoidant personality disorder on Google by searching ""why do I want to be alone and live on my own away from others"" and I clicked on the very first article that came up. I couldn't give much clearer description of myself after reading the article and so I looked it up on reddit and surprisingly a subreddit exists dedicated to this. I desire to be alone and living on my own away from my family and people because I feel inhibited by them. I feel like I'm restricted and couldn't act my true self when I'm with them maybe because I'm afraid of being disliked by them? I'm not really sure and I'm still learning and knowing about myself. + +Am I the only one who feels this way?",Do you also feel this way?,3 +1051,"They only problem is they never get to know me, because the only possible way they will is if I am forced to be in a situation with repeated exposure to them, in which case I become familiar and slowly open up over the span of a week or two. It's downright disturbing how many times this has happened in my life, and it's depressing to think that those opportunities are few and far between now that I'm out of the primary environment they occur (school). I was so desperate at one point that, despite having everything people normally strive for (great career, money, success, etc.), I thought about joining the army just to meet people... Holy shit what is wrong with me.",Once people get to know me they tend to love me...,3 +1052,,A little heavy-hearted fun,3 +1053,"Hey all, +I was just diagnosed with AvPD yesterday (along with some other things), and to be honest, I still feel a little shell shocked. I'm still learning more about the diagnoses obviously, but I wanted to ask what tips or lessons the community has for a newbie like me. What do you wish you knew when you were first diagnosed? I've been working on overhauling my brain for a few years, and I want to avoid falling into a trap where I just give up before I can fail (as it is my tendency to do).",New to the community/diagnosis,3 +1054,"Disclaimer: I dislike dating app culture in general. There's a hell of a lot more to a person than a few pictures and prompts. + +\--- + +If I'm not attracted to someone then I won't swipe on them. If I am attracted to someone and there's even one thing on their profile that I lack or don't relate to then I won't swipe on them either. If there's someone I'm attracted to and there's nothing problematic in their profile, I won't swipe on them because I doubt they'll be interested in me. + +In the end this leaves a very very small pool of people which I guess makes the whole thing pointless?",Dating apps even harder with AvPD,3 +1055,"Long story short, I felt tired and anxious and wanted to go home and skip one class. I didn't show up for this class in forever and didn't turn in much work, so she was worried I'd procrastinate like I did in 1 semester and fail. + +When I said I'll probably skip again, she looked at me with so much disappointment, and said ""I really should stop caring about people that much"". + +It didn't register then, but it hits me now how hurt I am from her words. It feels like I'm not doing good enough, and I probably am not. So that day I forced myself to sit through the class and even showed some progress to my professor. But I can't get the look on her face out of my mind. + +To be fair to her, I said I needed to leave in a kinda joking manner because that's my coping mechanism. So maybe she didn't think I felt as horrible as I did and thought i wanted to skip to avoid work.",My friend expressed that she is disappointed in me.,3 +1056,"It was my birthday the other day and it was a bit depressing. I spent it in the house eating a frozen pizza (it was good though lol) I didnt really do anything besides that and eating some cheesecake (also good). I was hurt that nobody wanted to celebrate with me besides my mom + +I dont have many friends besides a few online friends, and lately i feel like they're distancing themselves from me and I deal with rejection sensitivity and along with the avpd I feel like its all eating away at me. When I see my friends talk to eachother or plan things without me, it honestly hurts me and makes me want to cry. My friend says everybody cares and loves me, but in my avpd brain its not true and that they all would be happy if i was out of their lives + +To make this worse, my therapist is moving soon and im scared i wont be able to find another therapist, especially someone as nice and understanding as them. She has helped me with a lot, and im scared i wont be able to find someone as nice and supportive as her. The last time i had a therapist who knew of my avpd, they screamed at me and said i couldnt be helped... + +This is all just making me feel hopelessly depressed and feeling rejected 🫠",Feeling down lately,3 +1057,,Filled out some of those bingo memes to see how much I’ve improved over the past 4 years. First picture is always now,3 +1058,"i'm 18 and have never gone to therapy or received any help and i really want to try it out but i'm so terrified of it and keep thinking things such as, 'what if i misinterpret a question and answer ""wrong""' or that i will waste their time by not being completely truthful. i very very rarely open up to anyone and when i do i have the sudden urge to cut off all contact with them which would obviously not be very useful with a therapist. i did once apply for therapy for social anxiety but cancelled the process just as i got to the last step because i convinced myself i was faking it. i want help and i don't want things to get worse but i don't know how to go about it. + +any advice on how to overcome this fear or services available that i should start with? +(i'm from the uk btw)",how to get over fear of therapy/getting help,3 +1059,"Take the test [here](https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new). DON'T - I REPEAT - DON'T TAKE THE TEST ON 16personalities. Highly inaccurate. All tests are, but whatever. Do it. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11z17zj)","Okay y'all, for science, what's your MBTI (PART 3)",3 +1060,"Take the test [here](https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new). DON'T - I REPEAT - DON'T TAKE THE TEST ON 16personalities. Highly inaccurate. All tests are, but whatever. Do it. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11z16lg)","Okay y'all, for science, what's your MBTI (PART 2)",3 +1061,"Hi all! I'm new to this subreddit, I was recently diagnosed with AvPD. I'm trying to understand it and come to terms with it. + +The thing is, I don't have social anxiety in terms of not wanting to spend time with people at all... when it's about folks I know, like my colleagues and friends, I'm even more-than-average social. + +However, I do notice that I'm... slow in social interactions. I mean that someone will say something and my brain shuts down and I can't answer properly in the moment. Or I can't hear someone properly but I'm too afraid to ask them to repeat themselves (?!) so I just kinda freeze and/or act as if I heard what they said and the conversation goes on. Then later I think of a ""correct"" reaction and can't for my life understand why I shut down during the convo and couldn't just think of this reaction then. + +This happens with friends too, although it's more common with folks I'm not that comfortable with. Is this an AvPD thing or just a ""me thing""? + +TL;DR Is shutting down during conversations and only thinking of a proper reaction later an AvPD thing?",Is freezing during a conversation an AvPD symptom?,3 +1062,"My brain is broken. I’m incapable of creating and maintaining close relationships, either out of some awkward self-consciousness or fear. That’s pretty much all there is to it. + +The fact that I seem pretty normal/smart/athletic on the outside only makes things worse. People have expectations for me socially and I obviously don’t meet them. So what’s their conclusion? He’s weird, something must be off about that guy. How can he have all this stuff but be so strange. + +They’ll never understand I just want to experience life like they do, lol. I’m forever the empath that can’t make a life with other people.","“You’re still single man? What’s a young, good looking guy like you doing wrong?”",3 +1063,"Hi there. I have been depressed since I was 12 years old. I am now 28. I also struggle with BPD, social anxiety and Avoidant Personality Disorder, afraid to leave the house by myself, reliant on my 66 year old mother to pay my medical insurance, and my husband is working full time barely keeping us afloat. I have tried and tried to work. Several different fields. Even part time. It always ended up in burn out and felt more depressed and anxious so I had to quit. I am worried, I feel my future is really hopeless. I love my husband so much. We wanted to have a family and it's feeling like that won't happen because of my mental health and the low money thing. I am afraid he will abandon me because of all this though deep down really don't feel like he will because he has been here through everything. + +I know that is so much. That is definitely something to be grateful for. But we fight a good bit because we're both so stressed out. + +Nothing really brings me happiness except substances, (and that leads to bad feelings when it wears off or sometimes when on them) and I've been mostly sober for a year. + +I see a therapist. I take medications. I just... I am not content in life. I am constantly worried about everything. I constantly feel like I'm worthless and my husband deserves someone more stable that he doesn't essentially have to be a caregiver to at times. I stay in bed about 70% of my days because I feel like things are so hard to do and feel so pointless. + +I don't have many friends and live in a small town, so there aren't any meetup groups or anything. And since I don't work and am not in school, no opportunities to make many friends. I do have one so I can try to branch out with her friends maybe. It feels like life is just about working. And I feel so depressed by the state of everything, and by my worries that things won't improve in the future. + +Things don't get better. Not if you don't work for them. And I have worked, I've tried so many treatments, but the one thing I rarely do is go out in the world. + +And I don't know if I can do that without a lot of help that I don't know if I can find. + +Please if you can relate at all, or have any advice, please please respond. <3 I'm desperate.","My future feels so hopeless. I'm 28 years old, my resume is useless, haven't worked in 2 years, and I am very avoidant of the world",3 +1064,"I try to be an early bird and probably feel a bit more human when I am but it's definitely more natural for me to be awake in the early hours of the morning and wake up later in the day. + +Thought it was worth asking to see whether most are night owls in an attempt to avoid life? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11y8hsd)",What are your waking habits like?,3 +1065,"I am turning 17 in a month and a half and I suspect myself of having AvPD, I am trying to do more research on the disorder, I am not going to self diagnose, but I am hoping people who are diagnosed can tell me more about the traits and what its like having AvPD.",I suspect myself of having AvPD,3 +1066,"One problem I have with criticism, and people offering it, is that I've heard it already. A lot. From myself. I think the worst things about myself to myself constantly. + +The other night, I told myself that I'm nothing more than potential. The reason I'm lonely is because no one wants to wait around for me to finally decide to be a reality. Im walking-empty promises. That encompasses a lot. So when someone wants to ""tell me about myself"", it feels like a rerun. And they hate that. Hate that they can't get their issue off, or add their redundant nugget of truth. + +Idk if that's part of avpd. And its coming off as arrogant. It's not the critiscm itself. I don't mind. More fuel for the fire. It's the attitude that erupts in response to me being unphased. I always feel like I'm preparing myself for the worst possible things so I'm not as affected when they happen. Being one step ahead of anyone trying to hurt me. + +Sorry if this has been discussed. I'm in and out a lot.",Inner monologue is brutal,3 +1067,"i'm 18 and have never gone to therapy or received any help and i really want to try it out but i'm so terrified of it and keep thinking things such as, 'what if i misinterpret a question and answer ""wrong""' or that i will waste their time by not being completely truthful. i very very rarely open up to anyone and when i do i have the sudden urge to cut off all contact with them which would obviously not be very useful with a therapist. i did once apply for therapy for social anxiety but cancelled the process just as i got to the last step because i convinced myself i was faking it. i want help and i don't want things to get worse but i don't know how to go about it. + +any advice on how to overcome this fear or services available that i should start with? +(i'm from the uk btw)",how to get over fear of therapy/getting help,3 +1068,"It's not like it's hard for me to make friends, but keeping them seems almost impossible. I inevitably just stop messaging because it feels too difficult. I hate that I'm like this because I desperately do need connection, but I can never hold onto something once it's there.",Why do I keep letting friends go,3 +1069,"i’ve spent so much of my life feeling like a complete freak who doesn’t fit in anywhere, it’s made me avoid social situations and relationships because i’m so terrified of someone realising i’m not normal and hating me for it - then in turn missing out on those experiances & relationships just makes me feel even more like an outcast who shouldn’t exist + +i’ve tried on so many hats for why i feel like this (social anxiety, autism, cptsd, etc etc) but they never fit right and i just feel so much more shame. then i stumbled on an infographic about personality disorders, looked up this sub and everything written here felt so familiar. so much of my anxiety came from feeling like i was alone in my experiences so it’s so comforting knowing all of you are here and exist somewhere in the world. + +i just wanted to say thank you all 💛",reading through this sub feeling like i fit in for the first time in my life,3 +1070,So from what i have read seems like AVPD is the only pure ego-dystonic personality disorder and usually personality disorders are seen as a flaw in someone's personality and are ego-syntonic in nature but in the case of AVPD seems like no one likes to have this condition. So why isn't AVPD considered a mental illness because the symptoms of someone with AVPD seems to match up with different things like social anxiety and extreme low self esteem? Like the symptoms are basically the same in a lot of ways.,Why is AVPD considered a personality disorder and not a mental illness?,3 +1071," I met this guy on vacation, and we hung out for two days at the pool. I'm a very socially anxious person, but with him, I felt like I'd known him for years. One night, he told other teenagers that he liked me. They told me, and they were hyping me up saying stuff like ""oh look your boyfriend's here"". I was so excited. I never had a guy like me before. I was bullied at school for being the quiet kid in class, and I would run to my parents, hoping they'd comfort me. But they'd get mad at me for being so quiet and they'd blame me too. I used to go up to my room at night and sing myself to sleep ""someday, my prince will come"". Now he was finally here. So I went up to him and asked him if he liked me. He told me he had a girlfriend, and got mad at our friends for telling me. + +He cut off contact with with me. I was so sad that the one person who saw me for the good I have to offer, still gave it up. They broke up two months later, and he looks at my social media. We're not in contact, but according to my friend, a playlist on his Spotify was made as a birthday present to me. But I don't forgive him. I’m not angry at him for being loyal. I’m angry at him for thrusting me into this situation. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him, but I was the one that suffered the greatest. He got to choose between two girls. His girlfriend is a victim too, but at least he tried to make things okay with her. And me? I had no intention of getting in the way of a relationship. I just thought I finally fell in love.",I hate myself so much,3 +1072,"It seems superficial almost but my severe acne is contributing a lot to my avoidant tendencies right now. I'm doing everything in my power to treat it: dermatologist, prescription acne cream, antibiotics, clean bedding, clean diet, daily showers, face wash etc. It just seems to get worse every day and it is some of the worst I've seen. I'm talking big red cysts. At this point I'm convinced my lithium is causing it. + +I was making decent progress too. I was going to groups and started volunteering to get out of my house and around people again. I'm trying to work up to going back to work. But I just can't bring myself to keep volunteering looking like this. If I go out of my comfort zone while constantly concerned about how I look and feeling gross I feel as though I'm doomed to fail. If my mental state begins to slip it triggers my hyperhidrosis and then I pretty much have to bail. + +I'm kind of just stuck in a period of regression after making some strides. I don't know what to do it just feels hopeless. Between severe cystic acne and hyperhidrosis it is so fucking difficult to put myself into social situations. It's much safer to just hide away and wait it out but each day that passes is another day I've lost.",Appearance and AvPD,3 +1073,"I never let the ppl I talk to know this. That would just be manipulative and rude, but even if we been texting for years, good friends, and have been in a nonstop convo the past 5 hours, my heart still races when they take longer than usual to respond. I think oh fuck, I said something wrong. I always say something wrong. I can't ever say anything right. I'm such a- + +Then they'll reply. I chide myself for being so silly. Then do the same thing 40 more times within the same conversation. You'd think being proven wrong so many times would fix it, but no. I always think, ""Ah, *this* is the time I fucked up. All the others were false alarms, but I've really done it now."" Rinse repeat.",Respond to my text immediately or I'll think I said something wrong,3 +1074,I can't market myself anymore. I can't pretend that I have more going for me than I do. I just can't.,I can't pretend anymore.,3 +1075,"I’m always gonna be like this. Even with years of therapy and meds, even while on copious amounts of confidence enhancing and anxiety reducing drugs, I’m still too socially anxious and awkward. Sure I can force myself to socialise but I can’t force myself to enjoy it, or force myself to relax and just be myself. The fact that this shit isn’t getting any better no matter what I try is so demoralising, it makes everything else pointless, having severe avpd/social anxiety really does infect every little area of your life. I can’t hold a job, I can’t make friends, I haven’t talked to a girl in years, never mind having a relationship. My anxiety is so bad I get second hand anxiety watching people interact on a tv screen, or hearing others use voice chat in video games. + +And as I said, sure I could force myself to ‘get out there’ and maybe make friends or a gf, but I can’t force myself to enjoy being around them. I’d be constantly stressed out, tense, unable to relax. I’d have nothing in common with them, I only ever feel comfortable alone. Living with a brain like this is like torture, craving connections and feeling horribly lonely but being unable to actually make any connections or function in a social situation. I’m technically an adult but I have no independence, I still feel like a child, and I know for a fact that if I keep on going my future is nothing but boring, bleak and lonely. What’s the point of going to an awful, stressful job everyday if my days off are just as bad. My ‘hobbies’ are just escapism, I don’t even enjoy anything anymore, I’m just so tired, I really don’t see the point in going on when my brain is this fucked up and my future is inevitably empty and alone. I’m barely in my 20s but I’m certain I won’t make it to 30, it’s so crazy how fucked up i am, avpd is so awful, it robs you of a basic human need but still leaves you with the desire for it. A longing hunger that can never be sated, the empty void inside my only gets bigger, things are only getting worse. No heartbreak or feeling of loss, nothing to even look back on, there’s just nothing. There has always been nothing, my life is empty and always will be",The worst part is the lack of hope,3 +1076,"I've always wondered if this is something AvPD adjacent. + +* Mushishi + +* Kino's Journey + +* Spice and wolf + +* Girl's last tour + +* Serial Experiments Lain + +They are not really related in any genre way but all feature some sort of disconnect with the MCs and the rest of the world. It's like you're just traveling through it and never really putting down roots but instead just observing for a while and then moving on, they all sort of have this somber undertone that you're not really a part of the world and just experiencing small parts of it. + +Most of them feature a pair traveling together which makes it feel less lonely but Mushishi only has the MC and that's the one that feels closest to AvPD in a weird way in my mind. + +Does this make sense?","This is a bit of a weird question, but does anyone else relate a lot to these anime titles? (Mushishi, Kino's Journey etc)",3 +1077,"I volunteer at a place that I like to help out at despite my debilitating anxiety because I like helping people (plus It’ll help me gain credit for my future job) but for a few days I didn’t show up due to sickness. Now i’m supposed to text them when I don’t show up, my manager? boss? made that very clear. She even gave me her personal email to text because she understood that I absolutely couldn’t take phone calls due to anxiety. Now I may or may not have just skipped that part as I’d hate to bother them with a text plus it’s embarrassing. So basically my school counselor (who is in contact with my manager) comes up to me and tells me that my manager was very upset and direct that I can’t keep not notifying them when I can’t go and I have one last chance or she’d rather have me not help out at all. This of course (I soooo badly wanna say traumatized, because it feels that way but i’ve experienced trauma before to know that this experience wasn’t actually traumatic) really hurt me. All I wanted to do was help. I just wanted to be useful to someone for once and all I did was end up being a burden. I hate myself for this i’m scared to even go in again. If I can’t even hold a volenteer position, i’m sure as hell aren’t ever going to be able to get a real job when I get older. I fucking hate this disease, it’s taking my life away.",All I am is a useless burden,3 +1078,"Wanna preface this by saying that I'm not diagnosed nor do I self-diagnose. It's just that I can relate to some of the symptoms and people here, and I'm wondering if anyone can relate to my feelings. + +I feel insane sometimes. I feel really neurotic, paranoid, insecure, and immature sometimes. When I don't think about memories or people that upset me, I'm fine. These past few months I've been slowly recovering from this horrible depression that's plagued me for a while, but in these past few days it's been returning as I start thinking about these bad memories again. + +I feel traumatized and like I'm a victim of something I can't understand. Like I'm alone in this pain. The thing is that my ""trauma"" is really just a dozen or so bad interactions I had in my old circle of friends. In particular, there was this one person who I had a handful of unpleasant interactions with. These were mostly brief exchanges that shouldn't have affected me as much as they did, but they felt really, sincerely resentful and unwarranted. What did I do? I didn't know how to stand up for myself, and nobody did for me. + +This person lashed out at me, calling me insecure and afraid a couple of times, and said some horrible things about people with my disability. They're ableist and, honestly, that group as a whole was too. Not out of malicious intent but ignorance. + +This person wasn't wrong, but the way they treated me didn't help. Seeing those criticisms mirrored by others a couple of times made me feel even more weak, because I knew I was being talked about behind my back. And when I did eventually see how this person talked about me behind my back, it felt nasty and unwarranted. + +Still though, it feels so fucking stupid man. I don't know why I let this hurt me. It's been months since I stopped talking to those friends, a few years since those bad exchanges occured, and it still affects me. I never met a person who exhibited such resentment for me in my life, seemingly for no justifiable reason. It really hurt my self-esteem and it still does. + +When I think about those friends for too long I start to say things like ""I wanna die"" to myself, like a tic. It's so stupid and I feel like a horrible person for this. For feeling such disproportionate hurt over a dozen or so bad memories. When I don't think about this stuff I begin to feel more ""normal"" again though. + +Sorry that this is so long but I'm just wondering if anyone can relate. If not, sorry for wasting your time. I hope this isn't considered off-topic since I'm undiagnosed. But yeah, I feel really pathetic about this side of myself. Maybe I'm just highly neurotic, I don't know. I just wish I could understand what's wrong with me.",Just venting,3 +1079,Do you prefer your sexual partner to be a dom(me)? Please elaborate.,Boudoir sexytime dynamics,3 +1080,"... Like an actual phone call conversation. It felt really good! + +Sending good vibes to everyone here in this subreddit 🤗",Talked to a friend for the first time in over a month,3 +1081,I often fantasize comitting suicide.. its bad but I feel this is only way out. All my life since I was a little I've been incredibly distressed and downtrodden and broken inside. Been longing for a break from all the misery but it has never occurred. The only thing that's keeping me a little hopeful is telling myself that everything has an End. What I experience has an end whether My life will improve or simply just Die. Either way I welcome it.,Everything has an End,3 +1082,"Trigger warning. Mention of Eating disorders and suicide. + +A month ago my brother was talking about how he just turned 30. He was saying how he didn’t look 30 and he pointed to me and said “he looks older than me”. I’m 24. It felt like a stab in my heart. Ever since I’ve barely left the house. I wasn’t trying to date before that but now I’m not even going to try. I feel suicidal now and I don’t feel like life’s worth living. I’m old looking for my age so I should just give up. That comment is running through my mind 24/7. It’s torture. I feel so embarrassed. +If my brother knew what that comment did to me, it would suck. I’m so angry but hurts. It’s not really his fault how I feel but why did he say that. I’ve struggled with eating disorders my whole life. I get anxious seeing my brother because I’m scared of what he will say. Everything reminds me of that comment. I have barely been eating. It just reminded me why I shouldn’t leave the house because other people will think the same. + +It feels like such a stupid reason to be suicidal over but it’s taking every bit of my energy not to do it everyday. How am I meant to go through life if a silly comment like that has gotten me like this. How do I get over it? I’m not strong enough to go through life.",Does anyone find it so hard to get over a comment/criticism to the point they feel suicidal?,3 +1083,"I don't feel like putting in the work anymore. + +I know some of you will say ""no one will save you, you have to save yourself"". + +But that's just not true. I have saved three people I called friends before from terrible, terrible things. + +But I don't know if anyone will want to save me. + +I don't have any energy within myself to give out anymore. + +I don't have any resources, material or otherwise, to give anymore. + +In short... I don't think I'm profitable enough to be helped anymore. + +I'd lose you more money than I'd make you.",I don't know if I truly deserve to get better.,3 +1084,https://open.spotify.com/show/5WI3mYjRpKXQJHjt0W12e9,Link to AvPd Podcasts,3 +1085,I'm a black male an have ocd I don't leave the house at all an can't function I made terrible mistakes doing things that are low class.,Anyone here in nyc,3 +1086,"An article I wanted to share with you all to read. Thought it might bring more awareness for yall, especially for the ones who are unofficially diagnosed and highly suspect they may have it. Although I have enough clarity to know I have it (undiagnosed), this is hands down the best breakdown and description of each possible symptoms that come with it. Never heard it like this before. It's not like your typical DSM-5 avpd symptoms that are more generalized and broad. This is more in depth and even more eye opening since I resonate so much with all of them. I'm so bored, just wanted to share something. Here's the link to it 👇🏽 + +https://avoidants.org/symptoms-of-avoidant-personality-2/","More Clarity, Insight, & Awareness",3 +1087,"Hi, + +24-year-old male with AVPD here. For some time I have noticed that contacts with other people (in my case only at work) began to bring me pleasure. I've also become more relaxed and when I'm around people I don't worry as much about how they react to what I say. At the same time, a desire for more close relationhips arosed in me. This desire applies both to finding a partner and friends. I just want, as real as never before in my life, a simple conversation with another person and intimacy. + +However, I don't know how to achieve this. I've finished my education and I don't have any social hobbies (the gym can be considered as such, but I still can't find a way to start naturally a conversation with other people there). I'm starting to get annoyed with this situation, because certainly something has changed in my attiude and I truly want to form some relationships outside of my work environment. I think I'm ready to get out of my comfort zone step by step, but I don't know how to do it. + +One way to do it is to start dating. Finding a partner is something that I want very strongly and I think love is something I'm capable of. The thing that's holding me back from making that move though (other than, well... the lack of photos to use on dating apps) is knowing that I'll be too much of a burden for her not having other relationships. Perhaps there is also an element of shame in not having any friends. I am not sure… + +Have any of you reached such a point on your journey to ""normality""? I'm not sure if I'm over-analyzing everything and if I shouldn't just do what I feel regardless of my doubts. In my case, finding friends seems to be something more distant at the moment and I don't know how I could achieve it. However, I will be grateful for every piece od advice!",Seeing some progress but feeling stuck.,3 +1088,"Not sure if it’s an AVPD thing, but growing up I told a string of lies to all of my (very few) friends. It weighs on me almost daily. Some were *really* horrible, like going blind by 30 or refusing to help my cousin during an overdose as a child. Of course that’s not real. I can’t believe I said those things to people, but it felt like the only way at the time. + +Through a lot of reflection, I realized that I expected rejection and wanted to control it. I wanted to make them see me as a bad person, because I didn’t deserve them. But nothing in my life (that I understood at the time) was damaging enough to cause these problems. My family taught to me early on that if you’re not doing hard drugs or jumping off the bridge, it’s not a valid mental health condition. I didn’t think I had any reason to have the problems I did, so I had to give people ‘fake reasons’ to make them believe it, because my parents told me that’s the only way. + +Also somewhat of a test, like if they stay for this horrible person I’m pretending to be, they’ll surely stick around for who I actually am if that’s better. And it’s not hard to be better than that, given the severity of the lies I told. If they leave, then I’ll have been in control of the rejection. And they’re not reacting to the ‘true me’ anyway so the judgement doesn’t hurt as badly. Avoiding the spotlight by pretending to be another person.",Anyone else lie as a child?,3 +1089,"My mom is a very caring and emotional person and she's never been mean or rude in any way. However, she never believes me when I say that to her. She's struggling with loving herself and believes that no one loves her and can help her. And because of that she has resorted to drinking. +Because of her disorders, she constantly bullies herself every day on everything she does and thinks she's the worst person alive. She's very sensitive too, so one little thing can ruin her day and cause her to drink. + +My parents are separated but they’re both on good terms and still talk. +On top of that, I’m struggling with myself too and I think I’m stressing her out. I'm only 14 so what can I do to help her? She tried many antidepressants and other treatments but said that none works. Compliments doesn’t work either since she never believes me. +I always worry she's going to do something bad to herself one day.",My mom has Avoidant and dependent personality disorder and I don't know what to do.,3 +1090,"Hey all, I was diagnosed with AvPD quite recently (and finally I guess) after all those years spent in confusion what is wrong with me. I finally got an appointment at psychologist, we were doing for the first few hours screening process, turned out I do have AvPD and I met all necessary criteria for being diagnosed with BPD. Also he mentioned that I do have some symptoms of schizophrenia and narcissistic personality. But after I read his diagnosis this evening, he wrote that I have ‘Other personality disorder’. Which idk how I feel about that. Like I do not belong to anything even in this. And when I started to talk to him about feeling really depressed, and about my suicidal thoughts earlier today, he just said that we will talk about it next time, in a two weeks. And I am so confused about this, like no one really care, especially with the suicidal thoughts. And feeling I do have no one to talk. Or maybe I don’t want to? I don’t know. But this is making me super super lonely and more depressed. No one really cares..",AvPD diagnosed recently,3 +1091,"Apart from moving many times during childhood and teenage years I have one parent who was Jewish and one who was Hispanic/Puerto Rican. They divorced when I was young (Stevie Wonder could see that one coming) and as a result I never felt like I belonged with any community. I never learned Spanish, never really learned all that much about being Jewish or Puerto Rican (my mother was Americanized) except the basic stuff. I was also too isolated to feel like a belonged to the average American culture in general and never really picked up on all the pop-culture that went along with it. I've always felt like an outcast and outsider partly because of this. Although at the same time I feel like I'm a failure/coward because I see many people who are part of a minority group who are able to handle themselves just fine and I'm white on top of that so I didn't really have it that hard. You can tell I may be Jewish because of some of my facial features (lol) and I was sometimes teased and bullied in school/work because of it but it's never been as bad as someone who is for example dark skinned and has a foreign accent. Even then I feel people like that had their own community to fall back to though and I feel lost almost. Idk, forgive my rambling... Just want to put this out there and wondering if others are the same way. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wkyz3)","Anyone else from a minority community, nationality, ethnic group, religion, or race and feel like an outcast everywhere?",3 +1092,,When you’ve fully exhausted your partner,3 +1093,"Apart from moving many times during childhood and teenage years I have one parent who was Jewish and one who was Hispanic/Puerto Rican. They divorced when I was young (Stevie Wonder could see that one coming) and as a result I never felt like I belonged with any community. I never learned Spanish, never really learned all that much about being Jewish or Puerto Rican (my mother was Americanized) except the basic stuff. I was also too isolated to feel like a belonged to the average American culture in general and never really picked up on all the pop-culture that went along with it. I've always felt like an outcast and outsider partly because of this. Although at the same time I feel like I'm a failure/coward because I see many people who are part of a minority group who are able to handle themselves just fine and I'm white on top of that so I didn't really have it that hard. You can tell I may be Jewish because of some of my facial features (lol) and I was sometimes teased and bullied in school/work because of it but it's never been as bad as someone who is for example dark skinned (in a western country) and has a foreign accent. Even then I feel people like that had their own community to fall back to though and I feel lost almost. Idk, forgive my rambling... Just want to put this out there and wondering if others are the same way. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wl0eu)","Anyone else from a minority community, nationality, ethnic group, religion, or race and feel like an outcast everywhere?",3 +1094,"I feel like I've had to manually learn this from YouTube, Psychology books, Sociology books, etc. rather than just innately know it.",Anyone here feel like they have to be explicitly told what the social dynamics are?,3 +1095,,Anyone else only care about appearance when out in public? Or is that a body dysmorphia thing?,3 +1096,"I have a few university exams coming up that I'm not comfortable with taking and have no confidence of doing well in. I don't want to do them and the thought of preparing for them is absolutely exhausting, partly because I feel like I have a lot to learn and even starting is hard. I just can't face it. + +So with that in mind, I'm just avoiding my life and throwing myself into relentless scrolling on the likes of reddit and watching YouTube videos and basically becoming a robot. I'll probably cram in a load of information and ruin my sleep in the build up to the exam after wasting all this time. + +I don't know if it's a defence mechanism preparing for failure or what but it's fucking debilitating and I'm tired of it.",Completely shut down when I know something uncomfortable is coming up,3 +1097,"I completely shut off due to my anxiety and depression. It’s hard to not avoid avoid avoid and feel like a burden especially when you have people you love and know care about you. My heart and mind conflict so much because I’m so sensitive and I’ve just built a wall after years of negative feelings and rejections but my heart wants the exact opposite. And I get so lonely dealing with depression alone wondering why do I have to deal with this all the time, but it hurts the most to be going through it and hurt the people you really love, like I don’t want to be a burden anymore but it’s easy to feed the demons that are telling you to avoid avoid avoid and the fear. I know other people are going through things too and I’m not good enough to even be there for them.",Being a toxic person to others and wishing they didn’t have to deal w/ you because of it,3 +1098,Someone called me cute this morning and now I'm having ice cream for breakfast. I hope this vibe sticks for the rest of the day. Just wanted to share this in hopes that it makes someone smile.,Focusing on a positive,3 +1099,"Apart from moving many times during childhood and teenage years I have one parent who was Jewish and one who was Hispanic/Puerto Rican. They divorced when I was young (Stevie Wonder could see that one coming) and as a result I never felt like I belonged with any community. I never learned Spanish, never really learned all that much about being Jewish or Puerto Rican (my mother was Americanized) except the basic stuff. I was also too isolated to feel like a belonged to the average American culture in general and never really picked up on all the pop-culture that went along with it. I've always felt like an outcast and outsider partly because of this. Although at the same time I feel like I'm a failure/coward because I see many people who are part of a minority group who are able to handle themselves just fine and I'm white on top of that so I didn't really have it that hard. You can tell I may be Jewish because of some of my facial features (lol) and I was sometimes teased and bullied in school/work because of it but it's never been as bad as someone who is for example dark skinned and has a foreign accent. Even then I feel people like that had their own community to fall back to though and I feel lost almost. Idk, forgive my rambling... Just want to put this out there and wondering if others are the same way. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wkz3v)","Anyone else from a minority community, nationality, ethnic group, religion, or race and feel like an outcast everywhere?",3 +1100,"As someone with AVPD, I don't date much, and I just want someone who will be loyal to me. It's very clear that he's attracted to me. I'm attracted to him too, but everyone says that I'm way too pretty for him. About two weeks into us knowing each other, he shared a really intimate story of a traumatic experience that happened to him. He’s a empathetic person that cares for other people, but he gets angry over minor things. I'm 95% sure he's gone to therapy, because even though he will explode at the most random times, there'll be other times when he's really good at conflict resolution. + +Before we dated, I invited him to my birthday party. Supposedly, a few weeks before, he was flirting with me, but I didn’t pick up on it. So when I invited him, it confused him. He thought I was giving him mixed signals. On his Twitter (that I don’t follow), he was saying stuff like “playing with people’s feelings is bad” and “disloyal people annoy me”. The next several weeks, he gave me the cold shoulder and really did not want to talk to me. + +He’ll also roll his eyes or grunt over relatively things that really aren’t a big deal. Sometimes I wonder if the thing that I did even warranted a sigh or eye roll. I’m just wondering, if I got into a relationship with him, would it get worse? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wb7hk)",Do you think he might be abusive?,3 +1101,"i guess i have multiple friends, but i've only ever thought of 2 of them as ""close friends."" the rest i don't really talk to a lot. but i try so hard to connect with them and get closer to them, but it just feels weird and forced and i can clearly tell that it's unreciprocated. it just makes me want to give up. + +and now i'm starting to realize that with even one of my closest friends, we may not even actually be as close as i thought we were. we rarely if ever talk and when we do it's usually just short convos or in a group chat, and i'm always the one that has to initiate conversations. i think i'm lucky if i ever get to have one genuine conversation with them once a month. it just kinda hurts to think about i guess. + +why can't i connect with people? why is it so difficult? all of my life i've avoided people and just wanted to do my own thing and the moment i try building meaningful connections with people they all fail.",i'm starting to realize that i'll probably never be able to truely connect with anyone,3 +1102,"As someone with AVPD, I have trouble connecting with people. I know I'm smart, and attractive, and I care for people, but it's my lack of social skills that make it hard for people to see the real me. I've had two guys like me back in the past few years. Which one of them would be considered my ""first love""? + +The first guy ""Dave"" I met when I was 19 on vacation. He and I would just talk at the pool about politics and education (even though he was kind of a party guy, he has a nerdy side). We only hung out for two days, but after our first day hanging out, the second day, he was really shy talking to me. But our romance was cut short because he had a girlfriend, and made the mistake of spilling the beans about his crush on me to other kids at the resort. He cut off contact with me, but when they broke up a month later, he started looking at my social media a lot. Not to mention, he made a playlist about me for my birthday. We don't even talk, so I don't know if this is some sort of peace offering or apology. + +The second guy ""Steve"" I met a year later, at my job. He and I bonded on the first day of work about growing up in the same hometown, and I told my mom that day about how we bonded over our ""parallel lives"". We worked together for a little over a year. And we never went out or anything, but he would hit on me a lot. But stupid me was either too dense to realize he was flirting or too surprised in the moment to say any good flirting lines back. But a customer asked me for my number one day, and I gave it to him. I guess I kind of wanted to motivate my crush to ask me out, but literally the week after, he went out with his sister's friend (the sister set them up), but they broke up and he likes me. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11wpn90)",Who is my first love? Have I fallen in love yet?,3 +1103,,Has anyone visited a sensory deprivation tank before? I know the experience will be different for everyone but curious to know if anyone found it helpful for anxiousness.,3 +1104,"I'm starting benzos on Tuesday. My brother had shit withdrawals from them and almost died, but according to him, you don't give a shit on them and actually function like a normal, non-mentally-ill person.",Fuck it,3 +1105,,wishing I could send this to the people I’m actively avoiding,3 +1106,"I Heard that these two personality types might be more likely to develop AvPD. i would like to see If its plausible. + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11vt0gx)",Briggs personality type and connection with AvPD,3 +1107,"Went out with an old friend for her birthday in a city two hours away from where I live. + +Things were going well but I’m getting the feeling I annoyed everyone and no one wants to hear my voice anymore. I can’t excuse myself and go home, and I also feel rude saying I’m going to bed first. I’m the only single person here, and there’s so many years of bonding and inside jokes I’ve missed out on. + +You know when at the beginning of the night everyone seems happy to see you and laughs at your comments (if you’re your lucky), but then everyone slowly stops replying to you and distancing themselves from you as the night goes on. I also got overstimulated and frustrated very briefly (not at anyone in particular) but now I just feel like I overstayer my welcome. + +I’m stuck here until tomorrow morning when we go home, and I have no one to talk to because this girl I came with is my only friend. I feel like shrinking and making everyone forget I was ever here.",Out with friends for the first time in a long time.. can’t leave..,3 +1108,I'm not great at connecting with people. I understand social cues but I guess people find me weird or whatever. I will be there for people but they will say things like they feel like they have nobdoy to talk to and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for them or the the type of friend they had in mind. It sucks but what can you do?,I'm not the friend people want.,3 +1109,,The only proper self care for us,3 +1110,I thought it was depression but maybe the nonstop hypervigilance is really the one doing it. Does anything help?,Do you think AVPD makes you more tired?,3 +1111,Usually I am a secretive person but if I start talking about myself I almost always go into unneccessary details.,DAE talk too much about themselves / overshare for no reason,3 +1112,"I’m a below average looking guy, and I just want to be normal looking. I feel like my AVPD has gotten worse over time because I am just too ugly for life.","I’m mostly so avoidant due to being ashamed of my appearance, and feeling like I don’t belong. Anyone else feel the same way?",3 +1113,"sometimes I can't believe i'm in this situation lol, it's like a nightmare. You know nothing is gonna change even if you cure this sickness, because you are ugly and getting excluded is a natural procces for you. + +Edit: Posting something like this was a miskate. Looks like when you are an ugly man you can't talk about your problems, and when you do people tell you its all your fault and you have a shitty personality (you cannot say the opposite otherwise you will get downvoted to the bottom). Thanks to our helpful users here, today i learned i'm a sexist schizophrenic guy who has some personality issues and treats other people like shit(even tho they dont talk to me for more than 10 seconds).",suffering from AvPD as an ugly guy is like a cruel joke,3 +1114,,AE can't tell if AVPD is overcome or they just became comfortable with their environment and routine?,3 +1115,"Im a very introspective person I always observe my actions and thoughts and how I interact with other people, i can see I’ve got a negative feedback loop with SAD, AvPD and autism traits which destroys my self esteem which means I always have bad intentions and conversations with people, but im just so confused and leaves me feeling hopeless as i have no idea how to change","Does anybody else feel like they know their symptoms understand how their brains though process work, but still feel hopeless at getting rid of AvPD",3 +1116,"Tw lightly suicidal + +This week I have to begin fixing my life. I don’t have a choice in the matter. I will need to see a new psychiatrist, and a new therapist. I need to get a job, I need to eat. I have so much to do to fix myself before I can even start with the basics of life. And worst of all, I have to be honest to heal. I’m not even honest with myself. I just smile and nod to everyone. No one takes me seriously, because I’m always laughing and joking. I can’t turn it off. Like when your parents say ‘keep making that face and it’ll stick that way forever,’ I got my face stuck in a clown mask. + +I feel like a shriveled, dehydrated soul. Like a sewer rat crawling out of the soggy drain. I’m horrifically depressed, the worst of my life. And honestly the effort just doesn’t feel worth it. I’d really rather just rot and die. I’m so terrified of all this, I’d prefer to die. But I couldn’t make that choice either. I am trapped on all sides.",Making changes in a terrible depression,3 +1117,"I don’t believe in matters of mental health ever truly being 100% cured. + +Even though I still have some AvPD traits that I’m still working on, my therapist says I certainly no longer meet the diagnosis of AvPD. + +I’ve gone from being a textbook AvPD with such bad social anxiety I barely left the house an could barely order a cheeseburger. +All through school people called me “socially retarded” and my mom thought I was autistic. +To now being a very socially skilled, confident, outgoing person who makes friends easily. + +I’m curious if people are interested in some kind of a write up about how I’ve recovered from my AvPD, what helped me, how long it can take etc? + +I see a lot of people struggling and feeling hopeless on this board. +It breaks my heart when I see people truly believe that recovery is impossible (and spreading that false message). It is possible! It’s just really hard, uncomfortable, takes a lot of time and you have to really want it. + +Thoughts on whether a write up is something people would be receptive of? I’m also open to suggestions of what else could help. + +P.S. I feel vulnerable writing this post in fear that people will have an angry, skeptical reaction or think I’m being narcissistic. But I wanted to take the risk and reach out anyway, because I’m super passionate about recovery and I’d love to see the negative narrative about AvPD recovery start to change.",I recovered from AvPD. What will help others?,3 +1118,"So, this is actually something really positive for me, even if it isn't considered the best thing in everyone's minds. + +I was going to the bathroom, and I was wearing a really baggy hoodie with pants that are way too big for me these days. The pants used to fit me just fine, but I've lost so much weight that I have to tie them around my waist or they'll just fall off. + +Anyways, what I'm getting at is, I saw myself in the mirror when I walked in, and I couldn't help but think that I look exactly how I want to look. I love how comfy clothes look, my hair is long and messy, and I guess I'm in a good enough state of mind to see myself as cute when my hair covers my face like it did. I am embarrassed that as a guy, I like feeling cute, but I think it's great and I've been told that it actually makes me more attractive. + +But when I was admiring myself in the mirror, I lifted up my hoodie (no I don't wear a shirt underneath my hoodies, the temperature much too hot for that as I can barely wear this hoodie) and I saw that my waist was super skinny. Of course, I don't eat much, and I still function fine, so I guess that's okay. + +What I'm getting at is, I was able to look at myself in the mirror today, and I liked what I saw, and people can think what they want, I look exactly how I want to look today, and I love that. + +Things have really been getting better for me, and though there's still plenty of low points, I can easily see my condition is getting better. I hope everyone else is doing okay, and I hope that by sharing this I can bring some hope to anyone else who has been struggling with this pd. Thank y'all if you read this far, and I hope you're doing well.",I look like how I want to.,3 +1119,"DAE experience this? No one takes me seriously when I say that stuff that's happened to me has negatively affected my mental health. I'm basically told to calm down/ stop worrying, even if it's really affected me. Basically just a refusal to accept and acknowledge that I've been hurt. + +I think is partly why I have avpd to start with. I guess this could be classed as some form of emotional neglect, not having my feelings validated or taken seriously to the point where I've had to deal with my trauma by myself.",People telling me to calm down instead of understanding my pain,3 +1120,"Anyone else here addicted to cam girls online, talking to them anonymously because you don't have anyone in real life? +hard to stop when what you need is a real girlfriend",Addicted to cam girls,3 +1121,"I’ve tried counselling and schema therapy but it always ended the same way as i realise talking doesn’t solve deep mental issues, but I’ve seen cbt and dbt therapys and wounded if anybody has any experiences with it and was it beneficial.",Has therapy ever worked for you,3 +1122,"Hello lovely community, + +I’m reading a lot about this, mainly to understand the guy I’m dating better who has AVPD! + +My lovely community, please help me understand why it takes often over 24 hours to respond to a text from your loved ones? + +Is there specific content that triggers you to avoid replying I.e expression of feelings? Yet I hear that the AVPD community does enjoy getting reassurance. + +Sometimes it makes me feel like there’s a lack of interest but I often end up getting a reply after all- just days late . But it’s confusing to determine wether you are disinterested or just afraid to answer. + +Love to hear your thoughts/experiences",Taking 24 hours or days to respond to texts?,3 +1123,"I put up so many masks around everybody. I show some parts of myself to some people, and other parts to other people. And some parts I never show anybody and probably never will. Nobody in my life has ever truly known me, they only know the person I’ve shown them. It’s exhausting, but it’s basically second nature at this point and I literally don’t know how to be anything else. I find myself telling so many little lies even about the most mundane things about myself and I don’t even mean to do it on purpose. My opinions are always what I think the other person wants to hear. Every word I say and everything I show on the surface is always a watered down version of what I truly want to say and feel. Even when I’m just in the car with someone I only play music I think they would like or what I want them to think I listen to. Most of the time I don’t even know what parts of myself are true or not. I’m like a puzzle made up of completely different pieces that don’t fit together. It’s all just so fucked. I don’t know how to fix this. I wish there was someone who could see through all these masks and help bring out who I actually am, but I don’t even know if that’s possible at this point.",Nobody in my life has ever truly known me.,3 +1124,"I'm in my 40s now. The last time I had friends was in school. I'm not sure we would have been friends if the we hadn't been in the same environment day after day. Actually I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have been. My friends mostly were other people who didn't have other friends, i.e. other outsiders. + +We'd meet to play computer games, or sometimes (rarely) go swimming. But we never really talked about personal stuff. I'm not even sure this counts as friendship? + +Anyway...so I've been without that kind of social connection for a long time now. Too busy struggling with education and work and health and life in general to engage in hobbies. + +I think I really have no idea what friendship is apart from seeing it on TV or remembering childhood friends. Is it more than spending time together and watching TV or engaging in hobbies together? Am I even capable of friendship? + +Consequently, friendship isn't something I've been looking for. Maybe if I knew what I'm missing out on, I would? + +I'm about to embark on a psychotherapy journey again, and I feel unprepared. What do I even want?",I can't imagine what friendship would look like in my life,3 +1125,"I used to be quite eloquent when I was younger, despite not talking to anyone. I always had the right word or description for what I intended to say. If only I wasn’t an asshole and actually practiced conversation.. + +Not sure where it all started to escape me. Could be when my mental health went downhill, or when I got off my meds, or when I got high almost every day for a year. But nowadays it’s not uncommon for me to struggle to write simple sentences. Sending an email or text takes me way longer than it should. + +It really interferes when I’m trying to talk with others. So often I feel like I know what I want to say but the words are just out of reach, and instead of adding to the conversation I’m just like “yeah.. uuuh I feel you”",Anyone else have trouble verbalizing their thoughts and feelings?,3 +1126,"This week has been absolute hell. I feel so overwhelmed with life right now, and I want to be completely alone. I don’t want to be perceived or asked why I missed two weeks of class. I don’t want people constantly (and very publicly) asking me if I’m okay. Yes, I’m fine, but no I’m not fine. I’m fine enough to function, but I also want to run away. I appreciate the sentiment, I just wish it wasn’t in front of the whole class. + +I’m pretty sure most of this is my depression talking, but it’s definitely making my AvPD symptoms worse. I feel like EVERYBODY is looking at me. I’m beating myself up all the time for what I don’t/can’t do. I feel like everyone hates me. I hate myself. I just want to hide. Curl up into my corner. Never speak to a soul.",I want to curl up into my bed and never leave,3 +1127,"If you're comfortable sharing, does anyone here have any hobbies/activities that they enjoy?",Any hobbies?,3 +1128,So i just started supplement license beside my real license(hope its understandable). We have to drive some lesson and i was with a new driving instructor. Finished my lesson and he gave me some tips. One of Them was i dont need to be a “mouse” at this point i just felt insulted. Why is there always a expectation to be talkative? Yeah im gonna drive people around most elderly but im gonna try as much i can. Im seriously tired of society always expecting everyone to be bubbly and talk constantly….,Why do people always come with this remark?,3 +1129,"I have had a partner for 4 years. It’s a shock to me, as well. But we haven’t had the greatest past. To make a very long story short: When he started medical school (4 years ago, when we first started dating), he wasn’t that nice to me. Some might say he was abusive towards me, especially when he drank. Anyway, he used my avoidant personality as leverage to skew many details regarding our relationship. It turned everyone in his life against me. + +Now, my partner has sobered up. It took me a while to trust and accept this change. But the people in his life still haven’t let go of the past. And the truth is, neither have I. I’ve forgiven my partner but I haven’t forgotten how everyone else treated me, even after my partner tried to clear my name. It only augmented the characteristics of my AVPD. It dissuaded me from applying to grad school, seek any professional or academic opportunities… but mainly, it left me with an intense fear of leaving my house because I simply don’t trust anyone anymore. + +Today, my partner found out where he matched for residency. His school hosted a luncheon that celebrated the students who matched. So my partner invited me and his parents; and his friends were already there since they’re in the same class. Keep in mind that I haven’t seen anyone in about 2-3 years. + +After panicking for a week before the event, I finally mustered up the courage to go. I convinced myself it’s not going to be bad. My partner actually reassured me a lot, as well. Well…. + +Aside from my partner, everyone acted like I was invisible. They went out of their way to hug and greet everyone, and then skipped right over me. Even when I spoke, they wouldn’t acknowledge me. My partner was really disappointed in them but wanted to keep the mood light, so he didn’t confront anyone. He did stick by my side, so I was at least grateful for that. + +It all just augmented my social anxiety, avoidant personality, and even my body dysmorphia. Looking at the pictures I took of everyone else versus the photos they took of me…. I’m really struggling to decide if it’s just a bad day or if I’m really that hideous. It makes me never want to step foot outside again. + +My partner truly has turned his life around and has become more aware of my needs. I love him very much and am proud that he’s grown up a lot during our relationship. Yes, ideally we would’ve never had to go through our dark phase. But he’s helped me in many ways too. I just wish the people in his life were nicer to me. + +They have no idea what their rejection does to me.",Need to vent.,3 +1130,"i've been diagnosed having BPD (borderline personality disorder) 4 years ago when i was 16, since then my life have been a living hell. However last year and a half i've felt like my symptoms have changed a lot, though i still have all the BPD symptoms, some symptoms like avoidance, social anxiety, isolation, feeling less, came up from nowhere. For matter of fact, i stopped talking to all my ""friends"", stopped working, going out, date, i stopped living. This winter i didn't go out of my appartement, and if it wasn't for my mother, i would probably have died of hunger. Going out doesn't scare me, people outside does. I feel like they all stare at me and they know how shitty i am, i feel like i'm not like them and whatever i do i'm not enough. Even open the shutters is a damn burden. Sometimes i think i might be paranoid, but i don't think people wan't me any harm nor i feel persecuted, i'm just ashamed of myself... I don't know if i have AvPD or just social anxiety but it's a fucking misery.. +Is there anyone if this situation?",is it only me?,3 +1131,"Not because they are doing something suspicious but because they don't want their preferences or choices to be seen? + +I have the option to watch YouTube on a smart TV, but instead I watch it on a tiny little phone screen with earphones when I'm in company because I don't want anyone to see my web or streaming history, even if it's something as innocuous as looking up a recipe or reading an online news article. I just feel so much fear of someone looking at my internet history although it's generally harmless and boring crap. + +I remember being 10 years old and my brother being angry at me because I would turn off the TV and act all shifty when he walked into the room. + +When I was a child I would hide my drawings from my parents and classmates because I would be so embarrassed. That was my first sign of AVPD. + +I was eventually diagnosed at 21 and again by another psychologist at 27.",does anyone else hide their phone from everyone or turn off the television when someone else walks into the room?,3 +1132,"Anyone else ever feel slow to catch on to things? New show comes out, new game comes out, new trend, im always late to it all. I always find myself saying the phrase “that’s a thing?” when people bring up things I genuinely never heard of but apparently everyone else has + +I seem to have a general lack of interest in exploring anything in my life. If 0 is “I hate it” and 10 is “I love this and will skip sleep to do it”, the highest I can get is like a 7. Even with the things I “love”. Which sucks. Because often times people bond thru shared hobbies but you have to be passionate enough about that said hobby to actually fit in. And often times I’m just not that into it as the people around me. + +One simple example is when I tried playing DnD. It just made me uncomfortable because everyone was so into it and I wanted to be as well, but idk it felt like there was this barrier between me and having fun. And I get that it might not be my cup of tea, but like, this happens with everything I try + +Or when I was considering my major for school. I ended up picking something that I had just ""heard"" was a highly paid major, without really thinking about it at all. I didn't bother to look into what classes I would be taking, what jobs it would train me for, hell, whether or not I even liked it. It was just ""ok, sounds good"". One of the most important decisions of my life, made in 10 minutes. And now senior year, I'm regretting it heavily and feel like switching to another career. + +Makes me think about how many opportunities I’ve missed out on simply for being too average and opinionless in life. Idk + +I'm asking on this sub mostly because I'm curious if this is related to avpd or not. Or if it’s more a personality thing",Lack of opinion and interest in things,3 +1133,"for a long time, all i wanted is to be loved by other people, but as a depressed individual, it's been kinda impossible to believe anyone will ever love me. and i don't even mean it exclusively in the romantic sense (how does a first kiss feel? i don't even know), but in the platonic sense too. + +i don't even think i'm physically unattractive, but i do know my personality is unattractive, which is somehow *worse.* with this i am not saying i am unworthy of love, i mean that my goals in life and my way of being is not what it's expected of people nowadays. i have weird and extremely niche interests, i am weird and my only purpose in life is to collect the biggest spectrum of unique experiencies; definitely not the kind of people that attracts other people in this world (i mean ambitious people with dreams of financial gains, charismatic people, etcetera). + +don't get me wrong, i love my weird quirky self, but so far nobody has ever loved my weird quirky self lol. i know there's lots of people in this big and wide planet, but it seems like i don't have the skills to find the people who will like me, the people who will form groups with me, the people who will desire me in a romantic way. and considering my age, i feel like it's too late to find those skills, the skills of making deep, meaningful, reciprocal connections with other people. + +but i think that's okay. somehow, getting rid of the desire to form connections with others has made me happier with those small-talk friendships whom only talk to me about the weather or their job, with those classmates who only talk to me when i awkwardly join the bigger groups at college. maybe thinking that i'm worthy to be loved by other people is me asking too much? + +the approach i'm taking now is to love myself. and with ""love"" i mean romantic love; i flirt with myself. i tell myself i'm beautiful, even if i don't recognize that person in the mirror as someone beautiful. i have lots of love buried in my heart, and i always waited to get into a relationship to give this love to someone else. now, i try to give it to my own self. there's days when i really want to die and i can't even get out of bed, and i ask myself ""what would i do if the love of my life felt like this?"" and i realize that i would support her; i would do everything to get her out of bed, help her bath and make some food for her. so i get out of bed, i bathe myself and make myself some food. + +there's some days when loneliness hurts, though. i always see stories of the beauty of romantic love, of touching the lips of the person you would die for, feeling that person's chest and not caring if the world ends, as long as you're on their arms. stories of the joy of hanging out with like-minded people, and just being up at 4am enjoying each other's presence and looking at the stars together. these are experiences i will never live, and it hurts. and it makes me feel like this whole philosophy i just described in this post is just a dangerous coping mechanism. + +but what would i do if the love of my life felt like this? i would hug them and tell them that it's gonna be okay. so i just tell myself that i'm gonna be okay. + +*""You think you might find community, a sense of connection to something bigger, but you don’t. In fact, you feel more alone than you did before you left … But you survive. You learn that you can survive being alone.” - Bojack Horseman*",i'm never gonna be loved by anyone... and i think that's okay.,3 +1134,"I feel exhausted from the constant voices in my head and my heart racing during social situations. I feel like everything I do, could have been done better, and that I am inadequate. My avoidance is getting worse to the point where I am unable to do anything at all. As a medical student, I chose to study this major without truly understanding the challenges that would come with it. Now, during my clinical rotations, every encounter with each patient feels like a nightmare. I constantly feel judged, and I fear harsh criticism is always one step away from being directed at me. This constant mental battle leaves me with no room to use the knowledge that I have worked so hard to achieve. + I am always reserved and quiet, and I do not act on anything until I know there is no other option, fearing that I will be blamed for my incompetence. However, this has backfired on me, as I struggle to form connections and networks, losing out on many opportunities in my field that could improve my social and financial status. Gradually, people have started to label me as arrogant or irresponsible, which makes me feel hopeless. +What can I do to sustain balance, at least in my mind? In addition to this, I am lonely, and the effect on my already-damaged mental health is apparent. +Last year, I met a group of people with whom I shared similar interests. Socializing with them was enjoyable, and I felt liked. But, in my efforts to get closer to them and belong to the friend group, I ended up stressing over whether I was making them uncomfortable, whether I had anything interesting to say, and whether they looked down on me. The gut-wrenching anxiety became too much to bear, and I ended up quitting. I limited my texts and stopped going to meetings. Though I am still in contact with them on social media, I see how new people have joined the group, formed close friendships, and I continue to feel like a familiar stranger to all of them. +I am preparing myself to accept the lack of romantic intimacy in my life. Though I have always been indifferent about relationships, sometimes I think that I am going to miss out on so many ordinary but enjoyable experiences in life. There were guys who took an interest in me because I had this ""mysterious aura"" around me, but after a few more dates, I was still the same person they met on the first day. I had nothing more to offer other than shallow and unimportant conversations. Every time I wanted to go deeper, I felt exposed and vulnerable like prey. So, it's definitive for me that I have to completely abandon this part of my life and move on. +I'm sorry if I went on for too long or sounded negative, but I really needed to share my thoughts and emotions with those who can understand. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.",This is really getting out of control,3 +1135,"So I've been a nanny for about 10 years now (daycare before that) and one of the best parts of the job was extremely minimal adult interaction. I'd go to work, one of the parents would tell me what I needed to know and then went to work. When they got back in the evening we'd say ""goodnight"" and that was it. + +Since covid, however, at least one of the parents works from home. I currently work for a family with BOTH parents work from home. It's terrible. I jump at every noise that might mean they are coming to ""say hi"" to their kid. I worry so much about where they are, what they think they're hearing when I talk to their baby, my appearance, the way I dress. I imagine they're mocking the way I sneeze or they're disgusted by my weight gain. + +I am very good at my job but my anxiety is so distracting it makes everything so much harder. I can't tell you how many times I've tossed my phone across the room when I hear footsteps coming because even if I am only looking up the weather or craft ideas I'm terrified they'll think I'm on the phone all day.",AvPD and covid has ruined my dream job.,3 +1136,"Lately I’ve been reading more about BPD, particularly “silent” BPD, and I check off every symptom on the list. I’m wondering if it’s a common thing for these two conditions to be related, as it seems that this combo could be incredibly self destructive(as I am) and hectic. Thoughts?","BPD and AvPD comorbidity, anyone?",3 +1137,"i am not diagnosed with avpd. i think i have it but i won’t say i have it. i’ve shown a lot of symptoms since childhood. i’m 18 and usually they diagnose people who are older so yea idk. + +i’ve posted on here several times and feel such a comfort with all the people who relate. i’ve lost friendships because of how i am. it’s so nice to feel understood and to connect with other people like me. + +i don’t know where else to go to vent, so i usually go here. all the people who comment really make me feel better since they get it.",is it wrong of me?,3 +1138,"I’m planning on doing a certain diploma you need to do at least six months of internship for. I should’ve started applying for those weeks ago but I’ve been avoiding it because I feel like I’d either end up not getting the internship or trick them into thinking I’ll be a valuable addition to their institution — which I don’t think I would be. So essentially, I’ve been doing self sabotage. + +Now, the problem is that I’ve had quite a lot of absences at school, the teachers all know about some of my mental illnesses and have suffered because of it. + +I’ll need references for the application process, I don’t have anyone else to do that other than my teachers but I feel that asking anyone to do it would be putting them in a really hard position because they don’t want to lie to an institution about me being a valuable addition when they (think they) know I’ll only mess things up. + +Honestly, I just feel like even if I end up getting an internship somehow (would be a miracle in the first place) I’d somehow find a way to burn out and mess up once again. + +If I don’t go for this diploma I’ll essentially have wasted four years of my life and I don’t think my chronically depressed self could recover from that. + +Any advice?",How do you get through the process of getting a job?,3 +1139," I am so goddamn tired of everything. + + I am not looking forward to anything, have no goals..just a low-paid job that I don't really like. I guess I can be proud that I got one in the first place, despite how horribly painful that was to get used to it and my thoughts about quitting it after first week. + But honestly, other than that, I have no clue why I am doing all this. I mean, everything..going to job, eating, trying to do something..living. I am so tired I barely drag my body to work or practically anywhere. + About my job..I got more or less used to it but I still feel like my co-workers hate me. It's my avpd brain acting up, again. Goddamn pesky little thing. They're nice to me but this irrational part of me wins every time + Every day is a misery and I am so tired.. + I always tell myself that I have to go forward and don't stop but by now I am not sure why or where I am going. Feels like I am just aimlessly wandering around in the darkness with no clue whatsoever",So tired of everything,3 +1140,"I’m a Highly Sensitive Person or HSP but I realized I was being super sensitive for awhile now. I think this is when I started to realize my AvPD. I was talking to my former therapist a couple of months back and she told me about it. Her friend had become disabled and was being hypersensitive. + +I think a lot of this comes from trauma. Also doesn’t help when people aren’t really compassionate in general. I don’t really have much advice but try to heal from traumas. I’ve been doing that alot more lately. It took a really long time but I feel less stuck now.",Just wonder if people have heard of hypersensitivity.,3 +1141,"When people get to know me, I’m actually very loud. Almost obnoxiously loud as in I’d be embarrassed if I acted that way around random people😂 And I sometimes wonder if I’m avoidant because of the fact that deep down I’m just an obnoxiously loud person and somehow I’ve decided being avoidant keeps my life easier. Less drama, no risk of annoying people. But then I also wonder if maybe in reality I’m just loud sometimes to make up for the way too many times I’ve kept everything inside? Idk but that leads me to another question. How can you truly heal from your problems when it would require getting rid of coping mechanisms held in place all your life? + +I should add I’m generally a very quiet person.",Please tell me I’m not the only one?,3 +1142,"I was told to phone call someone but I cant even make myself! I'm literally about to tell them I'm incapable of talking to people and make myself even more pathetic! +Wtf should I do? They will just tell me meaningless things for an hour which I have no solution to.My phobia is getting worse and worse ! +I'm also starting to have some anger outbursts which rarely happen but I think I will snap! And it is not even that big of deal.",Can't make a single phone call?,3 +1143,"Sometimes I forget I'm good at things, it helps me to remember what ones since there's so much I feel like I'm *not* good at. I'm more than what I'm not naturally good at. + +I'm: + +* Very naturally flexible so yoga is easy for me. +* Extremely resourceful, I feel like I can make anything out of anything. +* Great at literary analysis. +* A good cook. +* I don't easily give up when something is difficult. +* Good at understanding & applying new concepts easily. +* Good at drawing & art. +* Good at trying new things if they're not too overwhelming. +* Empathetic and nonjudgmental (despite what my face and energy are giving off lol) +* Good taste, in books, fashion, films, etc. +* Good at gift-giving + +What about you all? ✌️",What are you guys good at?,3 +1144,"For me its difficult because everyone is more advanced than me or younger. Many people are focused on careers/productivity/school/family. I always feel like a kid compared to others when I observe or interact with people. + +Another issue that would happen is the few people I found remotely on my level would ditch me after some months. I think it does not work with people if you do not objectively help the person or intend to interact with them on a physical or visceral level rather than just talking about interests or random stuff. + +In theory I should just go ask people if they want to play certain games but it does not feel right if people just opening up about their personal lives or bantering with me makes me feel like trash. It is absurd to me that I have to shut out 99.X percent of the population because they are better than me or I don't share their interests.",Anyone here try making online friends?,3 +1145,"I find myself abandoning Reddit accounts and making new ones every few weeks or so. I hate the fact that Reddit leaves a trail of evidence about me that I can't hide from people and make my comments and questions private. I hate the whole karma and upvotes/downvotes thing. I like Reddit for the simple fact that there are communities here for just about everything that I don't have access to otherwise. I also use Facebook groups but I have an account with a fake name and no information on the profile. If I have commented too much in a single group and people start recognizing me I usually change my name on Facebook. You are usually allowed to change your name on Facebook several times a year or so. + +I just hate the fact that I am seen and I have built a persona, either online or offline. I just wish I could be invisible or anonymous everywhere I went including online. I also hate people knowing what country I was born in because most people are from the United states and it makes me stand out so I try and use American terms and spellings as much as I can. I also have trauma from my home country and just mentioning that I am from there makes me anxious and I feel paranoid talking to people from my own country. I go back and edit comments constantly and I'm always deleting things. + +People automatically find this behavior shifty and I have been called out a few times and people always think I'm up to something.",does anyone else keep making new Reddit accounts?,3 +1146,"Like I don’t really care if they think I’m dumb or even *like* me at this point in my life… but something about knowing people see me is terrifying. Eye contact is the absolute worst because it’s 100 percent focus. I always try to look people in the eyes but HAVE to look away within a second otherwise I feel like they’ll hate me. I’m 24M and it’s waaaay worse with women, I feel like I’m invading their space just looking anywhere near them to the point I don’t even know what their face looks like after an interaction. + +When my best friend of 10 years comes over to watch a movie I will not glance in their direction the entire time and stay on my side of the couch. But I can converse just fine and not overthink my words at all. I also feel like I have tunnel vision when im in grocery stores and if I go to a restaurant I will be stiffly hunched over my plate staring at the wall the entire time. I just realized being blind would be kinda awesome and probably take away like 90 percent of my stressors. Okay this got way out of hand im baked goodnight and if you’re reading this I love you",Is anybody mainly scared of simply being perceived?,3 +1147,"I met a guy on a trip two years ago. He told mutual friends that he liked me, and he asked them not to tell me, but they did. When he found out that I knew, he cut off all contact with me. Two months later, he and his girlfriend broke up. I have to admit that before he was single, I'd look at his TikToks a lot. I never liked or commented on it; I'd just watch the videos. + +A few days before he and his girlfriend broke up, I noticed that my TikToks would go up. I had 3 followers, but whenever I'd watch his videos, a few hours later, my TikTok views would rise. I even tried doing it on certain days; eg. I'd watch his videos one day, watch it two days later, then the day after, and each time I saw them, my views went up, and on the days that I didn't watch them, they stayed the same. This continued for the better part of a year. Last year, it was still frequent, but less so. Now, it's every two or three weeks that we do this. One time, he even posted a TikTok in English (English isn't his first language, and all of his previous videos were in his native language). + +TikTok wasn't the only platform he was looking at me on. He would do it on Twitter too. One time, I retweeted a picture of a Star Wars character. Less than an hour later, he posted a meme of that same character. The meme was in English, and it's not that I want to say that the meme wasn't funny, but it was obvious that he posted it just to post it. There's been at least three other instances where he did something similar. + +However, twice he did things that tickled me funny. About six months after they broke up, he started following her on TikTok, but unfollowed her within a few hours (probably because she didn’t follow him back). A month later, one of his ex's close friends posted a TikTok video with his ex in it. He started following this friend. Around eight months of this going on, he made his Instagram and TikTok private. I have no idea why. But I can tell he still looks at my TikTok, because TikTok tells who looks at your profile. I don’t post much, and he looks at it every two to three days.",I’m worried I’m second choice,3 +1148,"I've been on this subreddit for a good period of time now and it's quite an active one with several posts every day and pretty much all of them receive a response of some sort whether it's about people asking for advice or venting. + +There's no toxicity. There's no arguing. There's just empathy and help. + +So I just want to say that although living with AvPD can be a painful existence that eats away at our self-esteem, I appreciate all of you for making this subreddit such a great space.",You're actually all great people and this subreddit is living proof.,3 +1149,"My presence makes others uncomfortable and i can feel it. There's this awkwardness. Whenever I need to go out and i have to interact with others or when I'm with my own family, i feel it. And i know that awkwardness is because of me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I know some will say it's in your head but no i really feel like my presence is just uncomfortable to be around. You know sometimes people can sense things? People can sense when you're sad or in my case, uncomfortable in social interactions so they pick up on that and they aren't used to that so then everything becomes uncomfortable. I don't like this feeling.",I make people uncomfortable,3 +1150,"I think I’ve never given myself a chance to develop them because of AvPD. I could’ve had a fuller social life in school but I was so in my shell, I just had a few close friends. And even with them, I felt I could’ve been better. It seemed like they all clicked with each other very well and even though we were all good friends, sometimes there was something missing in my connection with people. I know they say skills are to be learned but it really really REALLY seems like it’s just inborn for other people. So I just do everything I can to avoid one on one conversations so nobody has the chance to think I’m weird and don’t know how to talk or something.",Conversational and social skills… what are they,3 +1151,"Hey guys what are your 3 favorite/special films and 1 tv show you adore:) + +Mine are: +1.Cherry +2.Drive +3.Wind River +...Mandy is also one of favs, especially the first half of the film. + +And I'm a huge Stranger Things fan, that's my favourite tv show",Just a quick moment of levity,3 +1152,"It doesn’t matter who the other person is, if we are engaged in a conversation, the longer it takes the more symptoms I get. At first I am ok, then the worry begins in my head where at the same time I am talking, I start observing myself. + +The conversation continues but at this time the symptoms I have been worried about begin to appear, my ears turn red, my lips start to shake, my thinking start to prepare for the impending possibility of having a panic attack while at the same time I start observing that the person I am talking to has now noticed that I am having a reaction. My voice start to tremble as I must make some type of escape. + +Shame overtakes me as I now know that the other person knows that something just went wrong. I abruptly end the conversation and remove myself now completely drained and knowing that in future conversations with that person, this previous terrible episode will be the thing in my head and wondering if it will also be in their head. + +Later on as days pass, I start noticing that the other person also becomes uncomfortable and looks anxious when talking to me but seems happy and relaxed when talking to other people. + +After sometime, I start avoiding them because it takes a toll on me. If it is a place of employment, over time I will have many of such episodes with different people and it becomes too much so I quit so I can start fresh somewhere else but I already know what the outcome will be at each new place. + +I am 56 and have been like that since High School. + +Some medications have helped, particularly Effexor. Also thinking about my lungs breathing and doing mindfulness while conversing have reduced it tremendously, but many times I forget to do the work and I get the episodes. + +This is all from times in my childhood where I was shamed in front of others and ridiculed by aunts, uncles, grandparents and teachers. + +One of my grandma’s used to on many occasions take her frustrations on me when I did something bad. So for some reason now, when I talk to other adults, it triggers all of the reactions I had as a child when I was getting yelled at.",I can’t sustain long conversations,3 +1153,"Hi, I've been struggling a lot in school from even before college and lonely for most of my life. I've been the odd one out since back when and slow on socialising - I can't seem to use social media well (too afraid that my relatives will find it) and/or hold conversations for very long even though I find people with the same interests. I've gotten responses that range from implying that I annoy them or getting told my way of thinking is... strange(?) I'm not sure how to phrase this since I tend to notice my ideas get shot down and nitpicked more than others in my friend group or even project team setting. + +I started withdrawing from my social circles as a result and getting used to living alone with myself. My family been supportive of me thus far and I shouldnt complain but I cant live like this for very long - I want to express myself and find a space for my art, craft and ideas that accepts me for me. +And I'm sure in order to be independent, I need to also be comfortable with myself. + +But I'm not. I live life now never crossing the line with people even if I think its a terrible idea and is proven to be for the purpose of avoiding conflict, I withhold my ideas so as to not seem radical or stupid and avoid being berated or talked down. I feel like a NPC living a scripted life. + +How do we overcome this and have the courage to live for us? Can I do it in a way to eliminate these stresses? Or is avoiding them the main issue?",Feeling disconnected from peers - how do I stand out to fit in?,3 +1154,"I (28M) feel like any kind of dating/relationships is just work - work, work, work, work, work. I like the idea of having a connection in my life, but I don’t think I’m willing to do what it takes. + +I think bc I’m so low-maintenance, I attract a lot of very clingy needy people which made me hate the idea of dating because they’d never leave me alone. And not just the process of dating itself (which sucks for most people); but just being in a relationship, requires too much work and expectations. Maybe I’m just lazy, but how do you have the motivation to keep going with dating when it’s just annoyance?","I love the idea of a romantic relationship, but I can’t put the work in.",3 +1155,"I don’t know how common this is but it’s extremely difficult for me to find the strength in me to text people back and it’s killing my (nonexistent) social life and the possibility of ever finding love. I live in constant guilt/dread knowing that I have people in my DMs trying to contact me to hang out, but my fear of embarrassment and awkwardness is freaking killing me. All i’ve ever wanted was to belong and be able to make friends, but my brain literally stops me in my tracks. It’s also necessary to note that I have ADHD (primarily inattentive) and once I take my medication, I’m lucky to have maybe 30min of adequate dopamine levels to push myself and reply. Sometimes I do reply, but when I go back to baseline I just want to isolate and be in my dark room. I really feel like I’m being tortured by my own brain. It’s a terrible feeling to crave social interaction but to also be deathly afraid of the possibility that I could ruin everything and be viewed as an embarrassment. I really don’t feel worthy of having the opportunity to make friends. My SSRIs have made me so numb and my personality rarely sparkles anymore, so I can’t imagine anyone would want to be around someone so dull. + +Do any of you relate?? It feels like a mental trap.",crippling guilt from my inability to answer texts,3 +1156,"Yes I‘m working on myself and it‘s never to late to start/change. But some things are time sensitive and I‘ll just have to accept I‘ll never have children for example. Sure I could pop one out right now, but that wouldn‘t be the responsible thing to do given my mental state as well as just my general state of things. + +There just isn‘t enough time for me to get well enough, get my life in order, find a reasonable partner get married and start a family before time runs out. So now I‘m just trying to prepare myself for when the inevitable comes and I‘m still here left alone probably still struggling mentally. + +That is all, I‘m sad this disorder has robbed me of so much and I still can‘t seem to get a handle on it.",Currently grieving the life I‘ll never have,3 +1157,"i try so hard to get close to people and basically no ones ever responsive, and literally no one gives more than baseline politeness. i expend so much energy trying and nothing comes of it. all i get is hurt because people dont care about me at all. it hurts so much to try and get nothing and rejection in return. + +I'm genuinely wondering if there's really any point in me continuing to try when nothing works out and i just end up in so much pain. i want to just give up and isolate, to save energy and prevent this fucking god awful pain i keep feeling over and over again every time something social comes up + +i understand part of this hopeless feeling is my unrelenting depression but ive quite literally never been able to develop true close relationships outside fucking elementary school and im 21 now",is there a point in trying to completely get over this shit,3 +1158,"i've always been in awe of people who can just start talking. every time i think 'i could say this!' it's immediately dogpiled with other thoughts. the self hating ones. i don't have it in me to list them right now, but if you're reading this, unfortunately you probably know what i mean. + +anyway. i was heading out for my break on saturday, and i got my marlboros out of my locker. (smoking is bad, i know). i bought them off a friend of a friend who stocked up on her trip to italy. so i turned to my coworker (notoriously one of if not the most outgoing in our little crew), and said ""hey, check these out."" and i showed him the picture of the blackened lung on the carton, and we kind of joked about how fucked up it is that those kinds of health warnings are the norm in other countries, but not here (USA). + + i don't really know what was different this time. it must have been a beneficial glitch, because i haven't shown that degree of spontaneity since, especially not while 100% sober. + +it was nothing. and the self hating thoughts came right after. but once those settled a bit, it was nice. + +thanks so much for reading, i just wanted to ramble as always.",just turned to my coworker and talked one day,3 +1159,"If I interact with 5 people a day, 4 turn out to be ok, and the other 1 will destroy my whole mood. is it not better not to interact with all 5?",one interaction ruins the whole day,3 +1160,"So few years back i got AVPD diagnosis. I am now trying to get out of this rut and fix things. Thing is: i have avoided everything all my life, even my feelings. So its hard. + +One thing i am thinking of past few days is that when i knew i was gay at 13 years old, i avoided thinking about it and refusing to accept my sexuality. I only came out once i was 19. So 6 years i was 'locked' in avoiding being who i am. I am in my 30s now and after a bad breakup been trying to figure my life out. + +Is it possible that being ' in the closet' for more then 6 years contribute in developing AVPD? As i notice i still dont accept my sexuality 100% and still think what people might think of it and reject me because of my sexuality. Thats what i did when i first figured out i was gay, thinking that my then friends would bully or reject me... + +Any other gay people here who can relate?",Can denying my sexuality be a cause of AVPD?,3 +1161,"I think my partner has bpd maybe AvPD + + +Hi everyone. I have no idea how to start this. I’m honestly not even sure if bpd or AvPD is correct I’m just grasping at straws at this point. My (27f) boyfriend (28m)’s brother has been diagnosed with bpd. Which is why this is my first step. And while I’m obviously not looking for someone to diagnose him like this, I’m just lost. And need someone to listen. + +I am massively struggling in my relationship and I just need someone to listen. Even if this goes nowhere. My boyfriend asks for a lot of things for himself but is very hypocritical if I were to ask the same in return. (We just had a long talk so my brain is sort of foggy on details and I can’t quite think of an example of that at the moment) he does ask for things in one moment and when I do them or stick to it, he tells me it’s wrong. Example, he has wanted to get a photo ID for a while. We have two options, drivers licence or a photo card. About a month or probably two ago, he said he needed photo ID for a test at work he’d been putting off. Then he said not long ago that we don’t motivate each other to do the things we need to. I know he has anxiety planning things and doesn’t want to so for our anniversary I said “pick which ID you want, I’ll drive you there, pay for it, and it’ll be done. I’ll put all the planning into it. All good” and he loved that idea. The day we were supposed to go, he was angry about something and it caused an argument. So we didn’t go. Which got pushed off to the next week and the week after. To today. Each week he said “I’ll do it next week on my day off” so I asked and he pushed it again. Today we spoke about it and while he’s not good at planning, I was waiting around to find out if we were going or not, as I wanted to plan when I was done work and went to get gas and groceries. When it was about 2 hours before we had to leave if we were going for him to take the drivers test, I told him that I didn’t care if we went but if he wanted to study more, now was the time. He told me tonight that he only did it so ID shut up about it and when I said “you told me you wanted more motivation so I gave it to you” he just said “fair”. But we always have those moments where he says he wants something and I change to do it but then he gets pissy about it. If I try and talk to him about my needs or what I’m wanting more of or how I’m hurt by something, he tells me that he just wants to be left alone and that he never asked me for anything. Or he’ll just give me all the things about himself that suck or how he feels and completely disregards what I was even talking about. If we have an argument for 1 full hour let’s say. There will be lulls in the argument. Maybe every 15 minutes. Maybe start, half hour mark, and then end. It always changes but the lull is when he sits, listens, and answers me with respect. The other times it’s that I have said even one word to set him off and he’s miserable. And angry and not nice. I’m finding myself constantly working around his moods. Sort of judging if now is a good time to even show him a TikTok or something I find interesting. If he agrees with what I’m showing him, all is good. If he doesn’t, he gets angry. Says he’s confused and basically shuts down. Tells me he thinks that’s dumb or “why would someone even do that. They’re not part of my life. Why do I even need to listen to that”. If I’m talking about my work or just complaining, he’ll tell me why he doesn’t want to hear it. That it’s not part of his world so it doesn’t matter. I’ve asked him certain things to stop or change and whenever I do he’ll tell me something he needs in return. He can’t just take blame for things. Sometimes he can. But normally can’t. I definitely do not help the situation because I am at his every beck and call and he’s at none of mine. If he asks to be left alone, and I walk to another room, he says he feels guilty that I’m going away. And that he’ll just sit and stew and feel bad and then he doesn’t get his way anyway. + +He wants to be left alone a lot. Can’t ever take anything I say and listen. Always has to tell me why whatever I’m going through is something he’d love to have or how his life is worse. Example; we moved for his work. Away from my family and friends and my best friend dropped me. While she was being shitty all the time, she was the last person I had to talk to. And if I’m sad about it, he tells me that’s his dream for people to leave him alone and he doesn’t understand why I’m upset. + +If something small happens, he wildly blows it out of proportion. Especially if it’s something he doesn’t understand. I have to be careful with how I joke with him because he will take everything to heart but has zero problem disrespecting me or poking fun at me for something. If we go out at all, he doesn’t want to be there and will usually get extremely high or drunk to avoid socializing because it makes him anxious. + +I’m just not sure if this is like anything anyone has dealt with and I’m looking for advice or help or just something. Thank you for reading this long novel. I really appreciate you all.",I just need to vent about my partner.,3 +1162,"Last few months I was struggeling with lots of depression. So I started looking on internet and I found lots of mental illnesses and I really felt like this one is really matching my symptoms. + +Now when I somehow improved my depression I see myself differently and I feel differently. I had depression my whole life without even realizing it, for me having depression was a normal state sme I had no idea that there is a non-depression state. + +But now when my depression improved I see that some of AvPD symptoms starting disappearing and I feel better. + +But at this point I am just not sure, I might have it and depression was making it worse. And I might now have it and it was “just” depression all the time.",I don’t know if I actually have AvPD,3 +1163,"I have been very mentally exhausted. + +I don’t mind working long hours at my job, it’s just at my job there’s a lot of people around (since it’s a large store connected to a bunch of departments.) A few months since I graduated high school I’ve been working. But I can’t seem to really talk to people. I have a tendency to avoid the groups, sometimes I can’t even open my mouth. + +It’s even worse when I think about how much I suck, and how awful I look. I feel like an inconvenience and a burden, because plainly I am pretty stupid. Even though at the beginning of my job I was putting on a smile and a happy voice to convince myself it was okay, I can’t even get myself to smile or look people in the eyes unless I have to. I am so exhausted. + +I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am depressed, both mentally and physically tired. I really have no plans for my future.",Mentally Exhausted,3 +1164,"I'm not sure if this is due to the disorder or not, if it's imposter syndrome, if it's from old Christian mantras of ""put others before yourself"" being baked into my psyche since childhood, or if it's a combination of all three; but I often feel like I don't do enough for other people in my life. Whether it's with other family members, close friends, or co-workers, I often get this sense. + +I work from home. And I've done a lot on our current project over the course of this past year. But now that we're sitting near the finish line, almost ready to go-live with not much else to do other than wait for the cutover, I can't help but feel some kind of guilt like I'm not doing enough. Even though I helped our team make a ton of progress in the past few months. + +With friends or family it often comes in the form of ""should I be there?"" or ""I know I be there, be present, but I really don't want to"" and then I just feel like a POS terrible friend/sibling/son/etc. for not doing it. For example, a relative of mine had a gender reveal party a few weeks ago. Naturally, I didn't go. I'm not particularly close with this family member and haven't been for years. Nonetheless I still felt like an asshole for skipping. Especially later when I talked to my dad and asked how it went; I asked ""who was there?"" and he said ""Just about everyone. Except for you"". I don't think he intended to make me feel guilty, but it kind of did. My mom corrected him later and pointed out a few other family members that didn't make it, but nonetheless I felt like I didn't do enough. Even though, again, this relative having the child and I don't really talk or show interest in one another's lives anymore. + +Another example is a friend, a close friend, who really does their best to help me get out of the house and do things. They'll invite me to things at bars or restaurants, and 9 times out of 10 I don't go. Part of me appreciates the hell out of that, because I need it, and it's nice to be included/wanted. Another part of me wishes they'd leave me alone; because I don't think I'm interesting enough or worthy enough to hang out with. Then I start feeling a whirlwind of guilt and shame for bailing out of the request. + +Wondering if all these feelings of guilt or shame are part of the disorder, or if it's something else. Anyone else experience this?",Feeling like I don't do enough,3 +1165,"There’s always someone being rejected, and when they show hatred for them, I feel hated as well.",I can’t look at Reddit anymore,3 +1166,"Not sure if this belongs here, but I'm so upset about this that I haven't slept all night. +My sister is my only friend. I feel like she understands me more than anyone else. I'm completely relaxed and comfortable around her; I can just be myself without overthinking what I look like and how I come across. She's basically the only person who is able to make me laugh. I've always been open with her about my thoughts, interests and even my mental health struggles. +I know it's not healthy to expect one person to be my entire social life, but I literally don't have anyone else I can talk to about anything. +Yesterday I found out that she's been lying to me by saying she's meeting up with friends from school and sleeping over at her bff's apartment, when in fact she has a rich foreigner boyfriend and she's been staying over at his place. He's also been driving her on trips to nearby cities. +I knew this day would come; my little sister had to grow up someday and get a boyfriend, but I wasn't prepared to feel so alone, abandoned and betrayed. +She never mentioned that guy to me and my father; I'm disappointed that I had to find out about him from my mother. +I still haven't talked to her since I found out about her relationship, but I can't fathom why she would hide it from me when I've always told her everything. +Of course I want her to be happy, but now all I'm left to do is wait for her to get married, move to a different country and forget about me, leaving me to rot and die miserable and alone.",Devastated after finding out my little sister has a secret boyfriend,3 +1167,"In English there's both avoidant and anxious, whereas in German there's ängstlich-vermeidende (anxious-avoidant) and selbstunsichere (self insecure). The latter got me wondering if there are other names for it across the world.",Does AvPD have another name in your language?,3 +1168,"I have an online friend and they really wanted me to meet their friend. I was hesitant but they told me that they’re nice so I joined their little discord server (literally had like 5 people total with me) with the intentions of maybe sending a message or two and never again. But their friend didn’t even want to say hi to me. Like my friend told him to say hi and he literally just said “no” . This happened a few days ago and I’m like really upset about it. He barely even knows anything about me. + +I talked to my friend today and they said that they think he is just jealous that i’m sort of close with them. But I’m still really really hurt and upset about. I feel like I’m not even deserving of being acknowledged or spoken to.",Did not even want to say hi to me,3 +1169,,😮‍💨,3 +1170,"All I know how to do is play video games, watch youtube and repeat the same things like a dumb monkey. + +The past 2 weeks, I tried taking a course in computer science and I tried starting to learn Japanese. And all I can do is watch and wait for something to click in my brain. + +There's nothing in me. No creativity, no self-sufficiency, no capacity for independent thought. + +I don't understand how I've made it this far. + +I'm scared. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.","The bar is so low, I can't even begin to describe it.",3 +1171,,it is what it is,3 +1172,,Found my people.,3 +1173,"Is there a point where one can consider it too late to do anything? Too late to try; too late to get treatment; too late for anything and everything? Too old? Or if someone is ""too badly off?"" I've seen some people around Reddit and the net refer to failed lives. I've recently made posts and tried to look around Reddit for people in a similar situation as mine and there seems to be *nobody*. And the only conclusion I can draw is that my circumstances are too uniquely screwed up. And AvPD along with other issues all intersecting have led to a completely failed life and me as a broken mess. Growing up (or developing) AvPD in a family full of NPD didn't help. + +Most subs seem to skew younger, which has me think that everybody either resolved their issues as they grew up or are no longer alive. How has anybody dealt with utter despair and hopelessness? Feeling too old and that it's too late to change anything satisfactorily? Does anyone have other issues/diagnoses that mix with AvPD to just make things impossible?",Hopelessness/Too lateness,3 +1174,"I know people with AvPD struggle to maintain friendships and I do too. + +For me, I think it's the daily (or at least frequent) messaging to stay in touch that I struggle with. I will get tired and ignore messages just because I don't have the capacity to engage with a subject that I frankly probably don't care much about or I'm just worn out by the constant interaction. The messaging for the sake of messaging gets to me. + +if it's a friend that lived far away then I'd rather not speak for 6 months and then just meet up and have a good time before reverting back to usual which for me is far less exhausting and fortunately I do have a couple that are like that. + +Anyone relate?",Quality over quantity - Friendships,3 +1175,,another fear added to my list lol,3 +1176,"Using my alt throwaway because reasons. Recently I’ve been having a hard time, and although I have deeply caring and wonderful people in my life, I still isolate and as much as I crave time with others I get tired so easily after a short while. Also grew up with cluster B parents and family which doomed me to some kind of mental problems. + +Lately I’ve begun to think about the idea of just leaving. Disappearing, no trace. Not suicide. I’m not suicidal at all, I mean leaving, going somewhere I’m not known, changing all my details, and completely starting over. I can’t help but feel it would make no difference to anyone, in fact it might even be better. + +I’ve googled step by step ‘how to’s ’ on it. + +I’m hoping to be able to talk to others who have been in this dark of a place and what got you through - or any advice. + +Because this is mostly just a fantasy, but the idea is sticking in my head more than I’d like it to. I don’t actually want to go through with it. I think … + +*Edit for clarity, what got you through the mental state if you’ve felt this way, not advice on disappearing. Oops!😳",Longtime lurker with AvPD just wanting to vent about the fantasy of disappearing and starting a different life,3 +1177,"I got a new therapist today. I am nervous. She called and she sounds nice. I have had horrible experiences in the past, but I decided that I can no longer be stuck. I need to move forward but I need help knowing how and maybe this will be helpful. I am going to try. + +""You gotta get up and try, try, try""",I have a new therapist!,3 +1178,"I went to the mall to buy some fragrances and I came off as a massive asshole to the cashiers. There was originally only one girl that was attending the area I went to, so I thought I would be fine. Wrong. She seemed like she was new and when I asked her for the fragrance I wanted she seemed confused and said she was going to get someone to help me. She came back with two women, and they’re all staring at me while I say what I want. Then one of the women she brought back started asking me questions, I wasn’t prepared for this and I sort of shut down. She asked me what I was currently wearing and I lied and said I didn’t wear anything currently, then she asked me if I would wear something sweeter than the fragrance I had picked out and I just shook my head and looked at some other bottles of perfume. I acted mostly dismissive towards the three women because I was so uncomfortable and just wanted the situation to end. I wanted to get out of the situation as fast as possible so I grabbed a different fragrance that I was familiar with and told them I would just buy that. + +I had tried to prepare myself beforehand to speak to one person, because the last time I went there was only one person I had to talk to. Talking to three people made me so uncomfortable and I acted like a dismissive asshole. I thought it would be really easy for me since I already knew what I wanted and I assumed I could just tell the lady the name of what I wanted and she would tell me whether they had it or not. I also feel really bad for the new girl because I could tell she didn’t really know what she was doing and I just made it worse for her. And the lady that was asking me questions seemed very nice and I feel bad for acting the way I did. Now that I think about it, the second lady was probably trying to set an example to the new girl and I ruined it for her. + +I had avoided buying fragrances online in fear that the bottles would break in the mail but I will probably only buy them online from now on. + +This experience made me realize that I also act cold and asshole-ish to everyone that’s not the people I live with, or my mom. But that’s also the only way I can speak to people, so I’m kind of stuck between don’t socialize at all or act cold to everyone.",I came off as an asshole today and I’m struggling with it,3 +1179,"i'm not diagnosed but i always thought there was something deeply wrong with me. i've never kept a friend longer than a couple years. i'm in my second year of college and i have been at zero since covid happened. i've transferred schools so new place and new people and i'm more isolated than before. + +it feels like i'm not human because i'm unable to do the human thing and communicate. like i'm watching and observing but as an alien or a void or something that looks human but if you look to closely its all distorted. or robotic even. someone's failed attempt at a human being. + +all i do is lay in bed and ruminate over every bad interaction with past friends and family or think about how my roommates or classmates perceive me. fake conversations justifying my actions to absolutely no one. it feels like i'm going insane. i thought it was just social anxiety but i don't get panic attacks. and my reluctance and inability feels wired directly into my veins, every fiber of my being and it feels like it can't be undone. like my entire identity is wrapped up in being alone. and that's all i'll ever be.",what avoidance feels like to me,3 +1180,"recently I've been distancing from my friend because I needed some space. but after a while, I noticed they seem... happier without me. like, actually laughing and smiling more, they even started talking to a very cool person. and they even talk to other ppl in the group more often. so now I'm kinda isolating myself because well... i just want them to be happy. if being absent from their life is what will make them happier, ill do that. seems like I'm just a toxic person that drains everyone around them.","as to not be a burden, i will now isolate myself. you are welcome!",3 +1181,Anyone addicted to the internet like more then the rest of the world? Do you use it as coping mechanism?,Internet addiction,3 +1182,,Dating someone with Avpd,3 +1183,"Hello, + +I guess we all share this feeling of shame following us all around. I can't remember much of my life but I can remember almost every time I've felt shame. And I did it a lot of times. So much that even moments of my life that I had been SA are flashing in my mind all day. But other memories are just plain shame, shame of what I did in a specific moment, shame of how I reacted, what I've said, shame on how I was dressed, the way my face looked. What I recognise is that these are stupid reasons to feel shame, and I think anyone neurotypical wouldn't even think is such a big thing. I even felt shame and guilt of breaking things (because anything material has more value than me) . I legit had a panic attack once after dropping a water glass, I wanted to hold the broken glass and squeeze it with my hands until I made them disappear... I can remember most of the times I broke things. + +&#x200B; + +How do you cope with these feelings coming to your mind in your daily life? When I remember one time, I start remembering the others, they are connected and so they come all together to me and make me feel that I will never delete those moments from existence, that they already happened, that there is no way I could live with those things that happened. I feel shame from myself all the time, but when those memories come to me I want to snap out of existence. I don't know how to deal with that. Thank you.",How to cope with shame,3 +1184,"well, real consequences already happened, and i avoided facing the feelings that wouldve prevented them from happening + + +but now my parents are threatening putting me in a halfway home or making me live with them again, them saying they would sell the house, which utterly terrifies me + + +but in the face of how my life has gone, suicide is also a considerable option, tho not one i can follow through on (but its becoming easier to every day) + + +its amazing how the economy and life can utterly ruin people, isnt it + + +why is it so hard for me to speak in my own voice (oh right, the trauma) + + +its really hard to drag them out of it as their minds resemble mine far too much and mine resembles theirs far too much + + +the pain of having to get a job while also not even being able to be myself in real life is really depressing, i feel like just another person with unfulfilled dreams forced to grow up and accept reality",its becoming impossible to keep avoiding my life without real consequences,3 +1185,"I’m fairly certain I have avpd and have had so for the majority of my life. Like I have almost all of the symptoms down the the horrible childhood trauma that I experienced that started my downfall. Avpd is the only condition that I’ve been able to match up to down to a tee. I’ve went to therapy and discussed my issues, but it doesn’t seem like avpd is something I can ever officially get diagnosed with. + +While I’m fairly certain I have avpd, my case is more mild because it doesn’t completely shut down my life. I would consider myself with high functioning avpd. Since I was young, I’ve always been lonely and had to figure out life out on my own since I didn’t have my parents or a loving family to grow up with. As a result, out of necessity I had to be financially independent and look after myself. Working and going to college was a never an issue for me. Because of that I’ve been able to give myself a good career and more or less have an ok life. My avpd is most severe in my personal daily life away from work. It’s a daily struggle for me. I also match all of the social symptoms of avpd and live a life of loneliness because I can’t get myself out to meet people regularly. Can anyone else relate?",Is there anyone else here who checks off all of the boxes for AvPD but can’t ever get officially diagnosed with it because your case just isn’t bad enough?,3 +1186,"I wonder if avoiding woman can be AvPD? I have avoided woman almost my whole life, at some point in high school I liked a girl I talked to a bit. But never full got to know her because of paranoia, of not having a car or being able to provide for her in any way. It’s probably the only time I spoke with a girl. Mainly because I was invested in wanting to be with he, but was to afraid to be with her in a relationship. + +If AvPD is not only avoiding woman for my instance then I don’t understand AvPD.","AvPD, can be avoiding woman only?",3 +1187,"I haven't been diagnosed with AvPD but I think I may have this disorder. I was always an anxious child then in my teens I started taking panic attacks before any social situation but mainly before going to school, so I stopped going to school I just avoided it. I'm now nearly 30 and I've never held down a job for more than a couple of weeks and have dropped out of a few college courses due to having bad attendance. I feel like I now avoid anything that causes me the tiniest bit of stress by not leaving my house, sleeping and not letting anyone know about it. I then get really depressed and disappointed in my self. It just feels like an endless cycle of me not showing and getting down about. + +I'm just wondering how AvPD affects others and if there is anyone from the UK suffering from AvPD +Thanks",I haven't been diagnosed yet,3 +1188,"I feel like I'm dying, like there's a hole in my chest and thoughts make me feel like I'm falling in. I'm also having very negative thoughts, I'm realising I'm angry at myself for being vulnerable enough for this to happen to me. Please help if you've been through this...I see no hope. P.s I mean rejected after asking a girl out I've been talking to for months.",How to deal with rejection when you have avpd?,3 +1189,"Pretty much the title - I just can't stand her, I never liked her ever since I was a little kid but for me that hate went much higher beyond it. + + +Just to clarify, I don't think she is the abusive type - more like the overcontrolling and overbearing type of mom - the type that when you make a mistake or fail to do as she asks ( even if it's just the order of the way I put things in their place ) she will scold and do it herself - even if those are MY things ( she isn't satisfied with the way I put my clothes in my wardrobe or when I don't do it immediately) and barely have any respect to my privacy - In the past she wouldn't even let me close my own door so my room was always open, even this days she complain when I don't leave a gap ( but on that case I don't give a fuck anymore and barely leaves any - not a door you can close easily ) and she would always complain about im not normal or like 'the other kids/people' because I don't act or do things they do, and I cant forget her 'what you gonna do with your life, play on the computer all day? ' speech which she does when she remembers she needs to get mad or moody for no reason. + +Im afraid of embarrassing myself in public, im afraid of even doing some of the basic stuff because I don't think I can do it or I'll make a clown out of myself - and it always comes back to how I was never really taught how to control my own life and be independent - even in the few times she did taught me anything she would still eventually take control and it doesn't make me motivated to even try. one of the reasons I eat in my room is because I just don't want to be around her because I will always get criticized for something - my beard ( which no one taught me how to do it, and my dad lives abroad ) , my ears, my hair, my clothes - everything. She always tries to pick things for me to wear and while today i do wear whatever I want regardless of her opinion/picks I still remember that when I was younger she would be upset and mad if I didn't wear what she wanted me to wear ( and she still kinda give the bitch look but as I said - I still wear what I wear ) and the judgement doesn't stop at that. Her favorite habit is that on events and gatherings she would always whisper in my ear what's wrong me in the moment - could be anything from noticing something dirty or not to her eyes that no gives a fuck about, the way I behave ( WhY YoU ARe NoT SmiLing ) and all other type of shit to make me lose confidence or be overly aware of my problems. She would always try to buy me stuff I don't want or asked to get and would always expect me to thank her even if sometimes she was the one that was pressuring me to get something. + +When I think about all of this ( and other stuff ) I understand why im so incompetent, afraid of making mistakes or embarrassing myself and stuck in that avoident and depressive mind set. It's not all her - there are things I probably could've done myself ( and still can do ) and even without her the competitive and soulless society most of us are part of just adds a lot to the way we end up - and still - she has a part in why my life fucking sucks - and now I need to find a way to get back on track somehow. + +Also, today I pretty much snapped at her in an unrelated case which eventually also happened because of all those feelings I stored inside. I don't talk to her and tbh it's such a good feeling. + +P.S : if there was another post made by me that's titled the same blame my stupid phone for this XD. Im also sorry for possible grammar mistakes - don't mind someone fixin them.",I despise my mom ( 22m ),3 +1190,"I'm so tired. I'm so bored. i don't do anything. I am not capable of doing anything. Everytime I try, i fail. I mess up. I cannot do anything. I cannot do anything right. I want to disappear. I cannot stand this.",I don't know what to do anymore,3 +1191,"Why do I want to be famous?Someone dm me pls +This is a throwaway account. People on social media always say I’m trying to get attention but wtf is wrong with that? I don’t know for sure if I have avpd but I think I do I can’t pay for therapy I live with my mom and I hate her I’m 18 can’t drive alone I always get in crashes or get a ticket sometimes I speed because I’m mad at my uncle. I have a job but I dropped out of school because I don’t care and I have so much trauma from everything in my childhood. And anyway nothing matters now except being famous that’s all I want I just have no idea why in real life I avoid people but online I have a girlfriend and I’m obsessed with her it scares me sometimes because I can’t stop thinking about her and if she broke up with me I don’t think I could take it I’ve only met her once in real life but it doesn’t matter I talk to her all the time but the most important thing is that she talks to me and she’s obsessed with me so I need her. I think I deserve to be famous more than anyone else because I’ve been through so much and also I feel like I’m better than most people something about me is different and I’m special . Can someone dm me to talk more about this? I need to know why I want to be famous and how can I get famous? Also is it possible to have avpd and want to be famous?",Why do I want to be famous?Someone dm me pls,3 +1192,"Not sure if this is just me but the more I self reflect the more i realize that im unhealthily antisocial but ok with that until i feel societal pressure to be different. Ive always been a loner and i can be like that ALL the time but the only time i feel shameful of that is when im around other people who aren’t like that and find it weird. It’s almost like one part of me desires companionship and being more friendly because that’s what you need for a “happy life” (apparently) but putting myself out there never satisfies me. Having friends just stresses me out and makes me deeply insecure there’s literally no satisfaction I get from it. I guess I’m deeply unhealthy but I love to isolate and can’t relate to others and feel insecure about it, like I wish I could be in the standard of what’s normal but I’m also really addicted to unhealthy habits. Do I sound crazy 😭 it’s hard to put into words how I feel but it’s like I’m so closed off and avoidant around people and get stressed about societal pressures but am ok with my unhealthy isolation until I realize other people don’t live their lives like that. I don’t want to miss out but find it hard to change. I guess my behavior isn’t normal but trying to fit in just makes my anxiety so bad. Hopefully somebody understands what I mean. 😭 I think this is just how it is when your mentality ill for a long period of time.",Societal Standards,3 +1193,"Do you have anhedonia / lack of strong emotions? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11px78z)",Anhedonia,3 +1194,"Anybody else feel like they don’t have the natural ability to have good conversations? + +Whenever I’m having a conversation with strangers, I’m often pretty quiet and I don’t know what to say (unless it’s work related or something I’m really familiar with). I think this is normal with society anxiety though + +But whenever I have conversations with a group of people I’m comfortable with, like my family, I feel like I suck at having conversations. If it’s about a topic I don’t care about, I always zone out or stare at out the window. If it’s about a topic I’m interested in, it’s so hard to wait my turn to talk. I feel so impatient to wait my turn (I can wait but it stresses me out and it’s hard to jump in sometimes). It feels like I’m going to forget what I was going to say or they’ll change the topic before I can talk. And then when I talk, I feel like people don’t really care about what I have to say. My family always talks over me or focus on what the person said before me. They never remember what I say either in the future compared to what my siblings say. It feels like a chore to have conversations, sometimes it’s just easier to stay quiet and fade into the background. + +Anybody relate",Conversations,3 +1195,If I made the effort to challenge myself everyday could I eventually change and maybe even get rid of my AvPD ? So tired of living like this and I’m still young so hopefully it’s possible…,Could you change and get better through lots of effort ?,3 +1196,,Went out to eat tonight,3 +1197,"I think I’m doing better at socializing than before but after a big socialization day I get so worn out from all the effort it takes that I need a recovery day where I literally don’t interact with anyone or else I start shutting down. + +However society does not work on my schedule and so obviously I can’t always have a recovery. When I’m socially overwhelmed I tend to give short answers and seem super aloof, disinterested, monotone etc. sometimes people take this personally even though it has nothing to do with them, I’m just worn out. + +Usually with strangers it doesn’t matter that much because I’ll never meet them again, but with my friends or partner it can be hard. They obviously care about me and start asking, “are you mad at me? Am I annoying? Etc.” and that kind of stuff is really irritating because it requires some level of delicacy by saying “you as a person are not annoying, but I’m just really irritated right now for reasons other than you, and you are exacerbating it. But it is not your fault and there’s no reason you would’ve known this” Like I wish I could just say that but literally nothing comes out of my mouth. I can’t manage anything other than a tiny whimper of a “no…” because I at least want to preserve their feelings. + +My partner especially gets insecure and frequently asks me “are you mad at me, do you hate me, am I annoying” somewhat in jest but also to an extent it’s a reflection of real insecurities I know she has told me about. I can’t handle navigating those questions when I’m socially overstimulated but I don’t want to make her insecure worse either. I know a relationship is a two way street but I always feel like a burden for my emotions and needs :-( + +Any advice?",How to not hurt peoples feelings,3 +1198,"I realised that I never really had (or was aware) of life goals or dreams I had. I think this is why I don't really feel like a person and so different from others. And why I never let anyone get close to me, otherwise they would realise how different I am and distance themselves. + +Do you have dreams and goals? Have you ever had them, maybe as kids?",Do you have goals?,3 +1199,"It’s so depressing to think people have spent all these years going out with their friends and partying whilst I was just on my own in my room. I’ve always had barely any friends and never been in a relationship or had a paid job, I only managed to start doing a few hours a week voluntary work a few months ago. I watch the people around me do exciting things and make new friends and get partners whilst I’m just here bored, alone and depressed as usual. It doesn’t help that later this year I’ll move away from this town for university and I’ll probably never see most of the people I’ve spent years wanting to be friends or more with but been too scared to talk to again. It feels like this phase of my life is really slipping through my fingers and I have no time to repair it. I try to tell myself at least I have the future where I could become better and make the next phases of my life better than this one but in reality I know that I’ve just been declining for years so I doubt that very much.",I feel like I’ve missed out on my teenage years,3 +1200,"and I realized that the reason I'm like this is that I've viewed other people as threats my whole life. Ever since I was little I've implicitly assumed that other people want to hurt me until and unless I have incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. I have no idea why I'm like this. It sounds like something someone who was abused would write, but I wasn't. My parents were nice and caring. I just came out wrong somehow lmao. I had nothing to be afraid of and yet I was terrified of everything :(",did a bunch of dxm yesterday,3 +0,"Happy Sunday /r/Anxiety! + +It's everyone's favorite day of the week... Sunday, the last 24 hours before Monday rears its head again. Let this thread be a space to set your intentions, share your goals and concerns, or just check in, about the week ahead.",Set your intention,4 +1,"Hello everyone! Welcome to the r/Anxiety monthly check-in thread. We want this to serve as casual community chat for anyone who wants to get or stay involved without having to make a full post. Plus you can use this as an easy way to give us feedback on what you like and don't like about the subreddit. + +Our mod team also maintains an official mental health Discord server for people who prefer realtime community, venting, peer support and off topic chat. We hope to see you there! Join link: [https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9](https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9) + +# Checking In + +Let us know what's on your mind! This includes (but is not limited to) any significant life changes/events that have happened recently; an improvement or decrease in your mental health; any upcoming plans that you're looking forward to (or dreading); issues you're dealing with in your own local or extended community; general sources of stress or frustration in your daily life; words of advice or comfort you want to share with everyone; questions/comments/concerns you want to share with the moderators and community regarding the subreddit. + +Thanks and stay safe, + +The r/Anxiety Mod Team",Monthly Check-In Thread,4 +2,"So as the title suggests, I bought some magnesium glycinate 400mg per serving. After reading a bunch of posts saying it works wonders with anxiety and sleep, I thought I’d have to give it a try. I want to hear some of your experiences. Did it work? Negative effects? Or is it just the “placebo effect”? Thank you! Gonna take it tonight!",Just bought magnesium glycinate… does it really work like people say it does?,4 +3,"Do you guys do this too? I understand that its common courtesy to reply to others quickly and instantly, but it's like whenever I get a message, I get... Idk. Scared? Anxious? Nervous to read it? I always feel like skfkglglkgkv + +I mean, god knows what the message could be like. And it's not like I don't reply to people at all. Though sometimes I do feel like I'd rather not look at my messages at all forever. Still, I end up mustering the courage to take a peek and reply, but sometimes I do that hours later.",Does anyone else hold off reading their messages as long as possible?,4 +4,I want children when I'm older but I'm scared I'll pass my anxiety on to them. And that makes me feel guilty. Will I pass it down to children?,Can you pass anxiety down to your children?,4 +5,This is just a reminder that Caffeine in any form exacerbates anxiety for most people!! Whether it be from Sodas or coffee and teas. I have to repeat this cycle time and time again. When will I learn seriously.,Daily reminder.,4 +6,"i’m a 19 year old cc student and i live with my grandma, mom, uncle, aunt, and little sister. + +my mom has a meth addiction and she’s developed schizophrenia from it and it’s been getting worse as the years go on. my uncle was hit on the head at a young age and im not exactly sure what he struggles since we never talk but i think it’s schizophrenia. my mom doesn’t take her meds i think and my grandma is constantly trying to help her with moving in and out of motels and rehabs and all this stuff for the past 8 months or so (realistically she’s been trying to help her for many many years now but my mom had moved out) recently my mom moved back in like a week ago. my uncle is very strange and i don’t know really anything about him. he leaves his room a few times a day and doesn’t talk to anyone, sometimes i hear him talk to himself in his room, but he doesn’t yell and scream like my mom does, he’s just very quiet and intense. + +so earlier tonight i was using my grandmas phone for school since mine was dead, and i got curious to look in her messages between my mom because i’ve seen messages between them before where my mom is talking about how she hears voices talking about someone wanting to kill me and how she’s constantly was thinking about me and she doesn’t think i’m safe. so i looked and my aunt (she’s mentally well) sent my grandma a picture where she found a big butcher knife placed on top of a picture of me. + +the message said “*uncles name* is acting strange again. i asked *moms name* if she did this and she said she didn’t. does *uncles name* know what it means to stab someone? that they will die?” in the photo my aunt sent my grandma, the picture of me was in like a mouse pad that was custom made with a photo of me from 4th grade. the thing is i’m not sure if it’s a coincidence because the mouse pad is on a desk for like where a computer used to be but the desk in like directly connected to the kitchen like almost next to it, so it could be possible that someone had happened to place that knife there so i didn’t really freak out. but i talked to some friends and when i kinda said it out loud to them i did kinda realize like damn that does kinda sound bad and they told me that yea it’s probably not safe. + +i don’t know if it was my uncle or mom either though, if it even was intentional. my uncle used to come home and hit me in the head as a kid a lot, and we would yell and scream at each other (we lived together for like 6 years and this would happen, then we moved, then we moved again and he moved back in with us) but ever since we moved back in again we literally do not talk to each other at all. he’s very awkward around me and everyone tbh and quiet, and i can tell he doesn’t like to be in the same room as me even though i do not interact with him at all whatsoever. we’ve said hey to each other like less than 10 times over the years and that’s about it. he does kinda seem like he hates me but i don’t think he would want to kill me. on the other hand it’s possible that my mom was lying to my aunt, but from what i’ve seen i don’t think my mom wants to kill me either. whenever she has talked about me in that way it’s more of a “this is my son i need to protect him from whoever gonna kill him” type of way rather than a malicious tone. but again, they are both schizophrenic which i really don’t know much about besides they can be unpredictable and so that’s why i’m asking. + +i know it’s weird to ask about this on reddit but i really don’t have anyone to talk to about it. i’m not going to directly confront my uncle about it because again we are very distant and he’s a big guy i just don’t want to i feel like it’d be worse, and i don’t want to ask my mom because i know she would say no even if she did. i’m going to ask my grandma tomorrow since i haven’t been able to since she’s been asleep all night, but she’s just going to ignore me after i express my concerns, which she always does. i can talk to my aunt about it even though we’re not really too close but yeah. + +another thing is my grandma sent the photo my aunt sent her to my uncle asking if he did it and he kind of just ignored it, didn’t deny it so. but yea i cant really move out or anything, i don’t have the money for that since i just graduated high school and honestly i don’t have a job right now since i’m a full time student and i just don’t know where i would go. i don’t have any friends that would let me live with them either so that’s out of the picture . the best thing i’m hoping for is the convince my grandma to have them move out but that’ll probably never happen even though i want it to so bad. i just don’t know if this is a coincidence with the knife and i shouldn��t be worried or what i should do so yea pls help",I live with two people in my family who have schizophrenia and there was a butcher knife placed on a picture of me,4 +7,"When I look at my reflection I don’t see a person anymore, I just see a corpse. I can’t even afford food and I look like a skeleton. It’s like I’m just convincing everyone that I’m a person like them, but I don’t fee like one. I have images pop up in my head of me shooting myself and lying dead on the floor (even though I wouldn’t actually kill myself). I don’t know what to do",I feel like I’m dead,4 +8,"I’m emetophobic and I ate at a restaurant last night. I’m pretty worried of getting food poisoning. The restaurant wasn’t sketchy but this is how I always am when I eat out at restaurants. Anyways, how long does it take for food poisoning to kick in? I’m about 10 hours post eating at the restaurant",How long does food poisoning take to kick in?,4 +9,"I think ever since I was bullied in school I always was afraid of people. I missed so many opportunities in my life because no matter how many self help books I was reading, I was just not able to overcome my anxiety. And even if I managed to be ""normal"" around people I still felt lonely. Because I felt like an alien, like I was different to everyone else. + +❌ A normal relationship with a woman who accepts me for who I am? --> **Not available since I finished school!** + +❌ Friends with whom I can share my hopes and dreams and who I feel deeply connected with? --> **Not for me!** + +❌ Just interact with people without feeling completely nervous and socially awkward? --> **Impossible!** + +With 22 I knew that either I have to change something or it will stay like this forever! + +It was a wild journey ever since and despite a lot of set backs, rejections, insecurities and the feeling that I am too unlovable for anyone I can say that **I** **overcame my social anxiety.** + +I don't want to brag with this post, the only thing I want is to give you hope in times where you maybe feel no hope. + +Maybe this here is the motivation for YOU to take the first step today. To look out of the comfort zone a tiny little bit. To get help when you need help, as it is a sign of strength to ask for help not of weakness. **If this here reaches one person who is struggling today I've done my job.** + +Because no matter how tall the wall seem that you are looking at right now, it is possible to overcome it. + +**If you need help or advice, I'll be there for you in the comments! ⬇️**",Anyone here also feels like they'll be Lonely Forever because of Social Anxiety?,4 +10,"I’ve been taking the same adhd pill since I was a very small child and I had to switch on weekends due to a shortage. I have some history with certain pills and their side effects which is why I am so anxious. (Not the average side effects either, the 1% that most people don’t get. The side effects were facial and tongue cramping due to a severe allergic reaction, slurred speech, throat swelling, and a tic like thing called Tardive dyskinesia) I am having waves of panic attacks, but I am so fucking proud of myself. I faced my fear, I took the pill. I did it. I faced my anxiety. This is a first as I usually cower to it. My anxiety is still going, but it’s not used to me challenging it.",I’m really scared and proud,4 +11,"Every single day I feel the life inside of me just fall down as if it were sand, every day I feel like I can't breathe, I just sit and look around because even though no one sees it, I feel like my lings are vomiting inside me. + +Every single day I want to kill myself while at the same time having a panic attack because I don't want to die. + +And then I just sit there, not bothering anyone, because no one can look at me and tell me my intestines are silently spinning, no one can look at me and see my heart beating way too fast and know I'm not breathing. + +And certainly no one knows that every fucking day while I try to live my life I see myself in a grave not feeling any physical sensation at all, its almost as if I can see the future, almost as if old me is sitting in bed slowly rotting away, dead and no one has checked up on me for several hours + +Why tf am I like this, I'm 14, I'm supposed to enjoy life but insead I hate this shit, and I hate living with this terrible anxiety about nothing and everything at the same time, not living because I don't wanna die, which makes me want to kill myself + +The worst part is I'm not even diagnosed with an anxiety disorder because I'm too scared to talk to anyone about it, and so no one will ever know, because I don't know people well enough to tell them this. I guess I don't mind sharing with strangers online tho + +Hope you have a nice day, and I hope your anxiety gets better because I wish no ine had to suffer like this",What tf us happening to me,4 +12,"I don’t know how to explain it but the last week or two I have been in a constant panic mode. always on edge , I feel sick 24/7, crying etc. But nothing has triggered me ? I just woke up one day and I knew something wasn’t right in my brain , I just felt really fuzzy and confused and now two weeks later I’m in a constant fight or flight mode.",Can anxiety get triggered by nothing?,4 +13," I've been undergoing therapy for anxiety and depression for the past two months. My therapist recommended that I start keeping a ""thought diary"" to write down any worries or concerns that I may have and to practice a breathing technique that involves breathing in for four seconds, holding for two, and then exhaling for four seconds. + +Initially, I was skeptical that these simple practices could make a difference in something that has troubled me for years. However, I began to notice that whenever I started to become consumed by anxious or depressive thoughts, jotting them down in my diary helped me immensely. This process allowed me to break down those thoughts and identify that 99% of the time, my worries and depression stem from hypothetical situations. + +For instance, one of my thoughts was, ""What if my friends are judging me behind my back?"" (for context, this was after we went out for drinks). The key phrase in that being 'What if', meaning it's just hypothetical with no real evidence to back up the worry. So, in my thought diary, alongside my worrisome thought, I would write down a 'Helpful thought' where I deconstruct this worry. For the aforementioned thought, my helpful thought was: + +""This is a hypothetical worry, you have no evidence to suggest this will happen. Your friend's opinion of you shouldn't be taken seriously anyway. You don't need to seek approval from your friends."" + +Of course, this may not help everyone, but I wanted to share how thought diaries have helped my mental health, and they can be quite powerful. + + TL;DR: My therapist recommended keeping a ""thought diary"" and practicing breathing techniques to help my anxiety and depression. Writing down my thoughts and using the breathing technique has helped me identify that 99% of my worries are hypothetical. I recommend trying it out.",Crazy how powerful thought diaries & breathing techniques have been for my anxiety,4 +14,"M18 i cant for the life of me say no to anyone, i get extremely anxious and overwhelmed when i think about disagreeing with someone or just saying something else because i’m afraid they’ll disagree back so i agree to make things easier. only person i can truly be me is like my mom but even my gf i just agree with everything like i’m on autopilot and i don’t know how to stop it. if i try i stutter and get so much anxiety, really weird",cant say no to anyone,4 +15,"Our healthcare system is so over burdened. The psychiatrist in town has an almost 9 month wait list (but I finally got in). The community/parent support worker I was connected to cancelled our sessions because their department ran out of funding; the program was cut. I’m waiting until they announce the new budget in April and get more funding. Then I’ll get a worker back + +I’m giving every ounce of effort I have to get the supports I need and use them so that I can learn to function on my own. + +I have a 4 year old and I hate how im raising him. I feel like an asshole trying to explain to my dr that even though my house is full of food I struggle to feed him properly because I have no appetite I don’t cook for myself and I don’t know what to feed him. I look at all the food in my cupboard and I can’t make a decision on what to make. But then my son tells me he’s hungry right now so I just microwave a pizza pocket or corn dog for him. +I’m just so tired. I’m failing at everything. I’ve reached out for support and the people in the roles want to help me bc they see me trying. My psychiatrist even has seen me on his days off. It’s just the system as a whole that is underfunded and broken",I’ve been trying to get help for months it’s so frustrating,4 +16,"hi. this is going to be a bit of a long post. I have suffered from emetophobia for 8 years now. Have been and am still going to therapy, on antidepressants and have been on hydroxyzine. Recently, my doctor prescribed me .5mg of xanax every day. This has spiked my anxiety because I know I can gain a tolerance to it and become addicted. I have never misused it or done anything wrong, but I feel guilty for using it every day and I’m scared I’ll become addicted and have withdrawals. Can someone give me some insight on this please?",xanax please help,4 +17,"be patient with yourself. +its okay to say no. YOU are experiencing your life. nobody knows how you feel. your feelings are valid and its okay to set boundaries. its okay if you can‘t do it today. it takes a lot of energy for you to always fight against your worries and anxiety. so its totally understandable if you need some space and peace. + +dont surround yourself with people that drain your energy. its okay to let them go. this gives you more energy to focus on the good people and things in your life. + +i hope you have a good day today. but also dont have too much expectations. its totally fine if not everything is going to work out today.",just some thoughts for you,4 +18,"long story short... trying to book a trip away and 2 of the 5 keep taking all suggestions and twisting/changing. +other 3 have got fed up and just let them plan it their way. +I get so anxious and stressed when planning stuff anyway because I'm a control freak (maybe OCD about it?), and the thought that they get their own way everytime just cause the rest don't want an argument really annoys me but I don't know why? +any advice or just friendly support welcome!",Others getting their own way.. how to not care,4 +19,"Hello, + +I've been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks my whole life, and while I take a ridiculous amount of meds for it including lorazapam, pregablin etc, I was informed about Magnesium and I wanted to share this with you. + +So a lot of us get anxiety attacks triggered by the stress hormone cortisol, magnesium works by by stimulating the production of melatonin and serotonin which boost your mood and help you sleep. Magnesium also reduces the production of cytokines and cortisol, which lead to increased inflammation and stress. + +It's important that you don't over do it as you can poison yourself with magnesium, and you also have to make sure it's aspartate, citrate, lactate, and chloride forms as oxide apparently doesn't absorb as well. + +Speak to your pharmacist or Dr if you're mixing medication, but I have been able to reduce the amount of lorazapam I've needed since starting mag and its helped a lot with sleep. I'm truly impressed.",Some advice to my people,4 +20," I was wondering if anybody has had nausea with one SSRI but not with some other one? + +I am taking Zoloft and nausea is pretty bad, even with the one half of 50 mg tablet. I dont know if switching SSRIs would be beneficial or this side effect would remain the same? + +What is interesting is that I have taken Zoloft 15 yeras ago with absolutely no issues at at all, and now I feel like I am taking a poison. I don't understand this at all. + +Thanks!",need help with SSRI nausea,4 +21,"Lately I’ve been having this massively irrational fear of my food being laced with LSD or some other form of psychedelics. I won’t eat something that’s been already opened regardless of whether or not it’s mine, which has led to me not only wasting food, but actively avoiding eating unless I make it right there, and even then it takes quite a bit of effort. This in turn has also led me to having a fear of an undiagnosed mental illness, and I can’t quite afford to go to a doctor currently to figure out if that is the case. + +I’ve only ever been technically “drugged” once when the cannabis my friend bought was laced with PCP a few months ago but this fear extends back to when I was around fifteen (twenty three now). I’ve done acid only twice and while I did enjoy it, it’s not something I’m likely to do again, and I rarely smoke cannabis or drink, but I did do a lot of both for a few years. + + Obviously nobody is gonna waste good acid on me but the fear is constantly there to the point that I yelled at my brother the other day for jokingly pretending to drop something into my Gatorade on the way to work (he’s unaware of this fear) and threw it away despite it being completely full, and even avoided eating the cookies my mom brought down for Christmas, which made me feel awful as there is absolutely no way my mom would ever do anything like that to me. + +I’m iffy on telling anybody close to me about this fear for a few reasons, the main one being the irrationality of it all, but I also do not want to be sent to an inpatient center (again, can’t afford it) as I was for depression as a minor. Sorry for the rambling wall of text but I just need to know if this is signs of a more major illness or at the very least how I can possibly cope with it.",Horrible Fear of Food Being Drugged,4 +22,"I have hurry sickness and it's linked to my anxiety and BPD. It causes me so much anxiety because I always feel like I need to do many things at the same time or short period of time. +I drink my coffee in about 5 minutes, then I read a book for an hour, then I listen to music and surf the web for a non-specific reason. Everything has to be done very fast, and well-planned, if not, I get impatient, irritable, and anxious. +It's pretty exhausting and I realized it's a problem going on for two years now. I did not pay too much attention to this before, since I didn't even know there was a term for this condition. + +Does anyone else experience something similar? How are you dealing with it?",Hurry sickness is driving me crazy. Does anyone else have this?,4 +23,"I was prescribed Zoloft 25mgs and a blood pressure medication to take when I’m in a panic. I’m nervous but honestly relieved to be put on something. I’ve been struggling so bad and I’m so tired. I was diagnosed with GAD, social anxiety, and depression. I’m finally putting myself and my mental health first and working to make myself better.",Just got done with my first psychiatric evaluation,4 +24,"I am currently under an intense care plan as an outpatient at a mental health hospital. One of the nurses suggested asking for an extra amount of allowance. 'well off' (but not rich) parents completely fund me while I'm at university as my loan is less than my rent. + +I was debating asking for weeks, me and my parents have had a strained relationship in the past to say the least, some definitely their fault, some a mix of both of our faults. Anyway, it's left a gap between us that I haven't been brave enough to cross. + +But last night I asked them, told them I wasn't struggling with the current allowance it would purely be for an extra nice thing a week to help me get by during these times. IMO they've blown it way out of proportion, they wanted a phone call today to log all my spending and now they're wanting to come and visit me TODAY. It's sending my anxiety haywire this is why I don't open up or ask anything from my parents. + +What do I do? Say no to them visiting all together? I'm 100% fine with keeping the current allowance, I just want a yes or a no to have some closure on this conversation with my parents. + +So, I'll repeat my question: (with your limited knowledge of my life) What do I do??",Asked my parents (who I don't live with) for an extra 10 or so a week spending money and they've turned it into a big thing,4 +25,"Hey guys, I have an on-site interview after being a complete depressed, socially angst hermit for the last 6 months. When I say I didn’t go out of my house more than 4 times in 6 months, best believe it😂 +I applied for a job and I have to fly to another state for it. I thought things were getting better with me but my anxiety is through the roof just thinking about the travel, but mostly the interview. It’s a 2hour session from 10-12pm. +I usually take 10 mg of propranolol, but I don’t think it ll be enough. Do you guys think it’s ok to take 20mg. Before you ask me to ask my doctor, he said I should take 10-20 mg but I have never taken 20 mg before and I am scared I ll pass out or I won’t be able to breath (had asthma when I was younger). +I was thinking maybe of taking one at 8am and then another at 9.30am-ish. +What do you guys think? Anyone with experience? +Also I m a “little” female despite being in my mid 30s . 5 feet and 110lbs",Please help!,4 +26,"I've had nightmare neighbors which my housing have ignored for years the ball is finally rolling but I'm freaking out as they are having the housing officer in question and community officer who doesn't speak up about things they said that were incorrect previously to come for this talk, where were going to discuss their failings. + +Injustice and lying really trigger my anxiety and emotion regulation so I'm wondering what I could do in this meeting to relax? Right now all I can think of is music in one ear and camomile tea",Coping mechanisms for trigger scenario,4 +27,My fiancée and i got into a horrible fight this morning. I dont want to get into details but its to the point where she may just want me to leave. Im freaking out. Im an alcoholic but sober 3 years and the anxiety im now experiencing from this is same i had when i drank. Its messing with me but more so this is something i gotta work through. I just want to sleep. Im inconpacitated i feel like. Theres so much to do. But i want to just get past this and move on. We both just flipped out on each other but more so cause i started my day off bad. I don't start my day off bad it doesnt get to this point. Or at least suppress it until the day got better. Im just torn up inside. Feel like i messed everything up. I really did.,Freaking out,4 +28,"Hi just wondering if anybody knows about if doctors think you are drug seeking do they put that on your record? +I went to doctors yesterday, didn’t see my usual GP, it was about spinal pain that radiates up my back, only seems to hurt after physical activity which is weird but concerning to me. The day before appointment I went gym & done some light training on back muscles which really set it off, was painful & felt weird afterwards like weakness in my arms, bit dizzy and just a general weak feeling like really weak and disorientated. She was not helpful at all, basically done a quick op’s check, checked my back briefly & said it seems ok. She said to rest on weekend and see how I go, she said hot water bottle. The more im thinking about my appointment with a her yesterday I get the impression she feels I was drug seeking. I never asked for any drugs but I feel she was misunderstanding me being concerned with trying to get drugs. She said something when I sat down like “you’re looking to discuss pain management” I didn’t really take it in as was really anxious and tired so I said yeah about my spine then proceeded to talk about my concerns, but not once did I say anything about wanting medications/drugs. I’m annoyed now I should of been clear that I would of liked a referral to be checked out or something. I’m on pregabalin for anxiety (it also just happens to be a nerve pain drug) and she said few times about you’ll have review soon with usual GP to see if it’s helping my anxiety and not just about pain management. She also said you’ve only upped dosage 10 days ago. I didn’t really take it in properly at the time but I feel she thinks I was trying to up my dose or get pain meds? I’m worried now that it will be on my notes and I’m also frustrated that I didn’t correct her properly. Any advice or help on this would be appreciated im very anxious about this, I feel I was totally misunderstood and I don’t like the thought of her putting on notes I was looking for pain management or medication to help that. I also noticed as I was leaving she done a frustrated sigh. This experience has made me feel invalidated, misunderstood and made my anxiety and depression worse. I’m struggling mentally very very bad to say the least.",Doctors notes/records,4 +29,,how do you stop being scared of death?,4 +30,"I was just wondering if anyone is paranoid about C19? + +I am still masking up, trying to keep my distance and washing and anti-baccing my hands like its going out of fashion.",C19,4 +31,"Tldr, been medicating and going to therapy for about 2-3 weeks. Feeling better than where I was, but still struggling, mainly at nights. Have health anxiety and hate feeling [insert sensation/feeling here] and if keeps me from sleeping. + +Just really wishing I lived with friends to always be in arms reach of a hug. I need those right now.",Struggling. Could use some support.,4 +32,"It’s gotten hot where I live meaning it’s officially Spring meaning it’s officially anxiety season, wooo! + +It is currently 4:30 AM, it’s too hot for me to sleep, and the heat is giving me anxiety. The air conditioning is *SUPPOSED* to be on, but it’s been broken in this room for like a year and my mom refuses to admit it’s broken, saying that it’s just cause the room is over the garage. Which I KNOW isn’t true because I’d still be able to at least HEAR or FEEL the air conditioning running but it DOESNT. + +It’s kinda funny (not really, but if I don’t laugh I WILL have a mental breakdown) that Spring and Summer are the worst for my anxiety when almost everyone else (*cough* neurotypicals *cough*) tend to LOVE those seasons. Ass that to the list of im just weird I guess lol",The anxiety seasons have started,4 +33,"Today is actually the day all my worries are transformed in real situations, let's start +First of all, my grandma's sister birthday, I totally forgot about . Than said that I would come, but I forgot about gift and overslept, than was to anxious to go, and called said I'm sick, than I received a message from my coworker like hah where are you the event is starting, I totally forgot about this than I fucked up with my student, rescheduling our lesson like 3-5 times ( because I thought I would maybe go on a birthday)and finally telling that I'm sick to her as well because well at this moment I was already crying because how irresponsible and stupid this situation is, and also it would be so strange to do this lesson with her after not going to the event, and the event is still going, I probably should get there, but it's to overwhelming at this point, I also will not go to the birthday party for the same reason, to much stress for me already, I want to just disappear, I try so hard to remember everything and it just happenes.. It is so so stupid and I mean I'm completely useless anyway, like who the hell lives with memory troubles at 20 , it feels like some disorder at this point ( I forget a lot of things) +My mom is dating an alhogolic and last couple of weeks were a nightmare. +I didn't sleep normal for a long time because of this situation and last night was a disaster +A lot of other troubles financial, with studying +And at the end right now I feel like literally throwing up from the level of anxiety that I experience","Work, life, anxiety(f20)",4 +34,"Greetings people I hope you're having a good day. First of all how are your experiences with coffee and antipsychotic meds? I've been on Abilify and Alprazolam for years never had been feeling alert on them always either sleepy or have weird feeling in my stomach. Now I've tried everything with these meds be it smoking or alcohol I stopped all of it because it caused very nasty problems with me when I stopped I finally felt myself even through I've read on Wikipedia that coffee can also cause problems when you take these meds it's says even small amounts can cause side effects that's called caffeine induced anxiety. + +I'm not really sure how am I supposed to be awake I mean I'm unemployed still in hands of my parents and other family members who take care of me and understand my problems but how did you manage to stay awake without coffee or did coffee really help you without feeling weird all time while on meds? It would be stupid for me to sleep all day and miss some important events or have fun chatting with friends or playing video games or better yet studying different topics like electrical engineering or making homemade circuits. Not electrical engineer just doing something for hobby.",Coffee and antipsychotics,4 +35,"I have a question, so when i am out in public i feel like everyone is looking at me, but then i start feeling like I’m in a dream, like a lucid dream. I can but i feel like i cant think thoughts and only focus on doing what I’m supposed to do. I also feel like my head is fogged up inside too in public lol. Im not the happiest person to be honest and since maybe half a year ago I’ve stopped caring abt things and when i think of something and it gets a little complicated i just quit thinking abt it, i dont care enough to think about anything for some reason. Can someone please tell me if its anxiety or is there something wrong with me.",Question,4 +36,"I know it’s contradictory but yeah. Not sure if this has to do with being a perfectionist or if it’s something else. I enjoy the “rush” of learning new things and knowing things, but when it push comes to shove and I need to practice what I’m learning, that’s when I usually find out I still have a long way to go and will have to fail and make mistakes and actually suck at that thing for a while. It’s like I just want to skip to the “good” part. I feel like the work is only productive/useful when it’s good. + +How do you even deal with the uncomfortable parts of learning and growing? :( + +I just keep pushing on but sometimes it feels like I’m making no progress at all. And I know that “slow progress is still progress” but then my anxiety kicks in with bullsh*t like “other people are staying up and working their asses off while you’re celebrating a tiny step forward.”",Being bad at something new gives me anxiety,4 +37,I used propranolol for anxiety and stress but I quitted after 3 weeks because I had too much side effects. The day I began too lower my dosage untill stopping I have experienced excessive sweating around my sit area. And by that I mean abnormally much. Is this something related to betablockers and has anyone had a similair experience with this?,"I used beta blockers for 3 weeks and quitted, now I'm sweating abnormally in my private area, is this normal?",4 +38,"I’ve been dealing with some anxiety issues my whole life. I’ve had lots of trama and was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child. Never being able to focus and always the most loud and distributive( in school). I used to stay up at night as a kid because after watching the slightest scary movie I would be afraid. Anyways the point of the backstory is to give you a sense of who I was. Lately within the past year my anxiety has been through the roof. I find it very hard to focus and have lots of thoughts at once. Even some that just pop into my head. I can hear other peoples tone of voice. Not like big conversation. My anxiety was so high I was getting lots of physical symptoms heart palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath to which I thought I had a heart problem. So I went to the doctors and got all the tests and didn’t believe my heart was fine until I got the results. I thought about this everyday. To which now I think this might had been a delusion. My point is I’m very worried I’m developing Schizophrenia. My family does have a history of mental health issues.I know this post is confusing and if I’m worried about my mental health I should see a doctor. But I’m just looking for advice. + +**Edit** +I would like to add that for a long time when I went home after a long day I could not relax to fall asleep. My mind would be racing. The only way I could describe it is like a radio. In order to drown it out I would have to put on music to fall asleep.",Advice,4 +39,I do have a check up appointment with the doctor next week but I’m nervous maybe it’s not working for me :(,I have been taking 20mg citalopram for 9 days now - I am feeling more depressed/dissociative/unmotivated/tired than ever/before - does it get better? Is this normal?,4 +40,"(Gonna be a little long, gonna rant a bit) + +Little back story, 20-year-old male, no past history of major anxiety other than flying on planes etc.. + +Last year from January to April was feeling the best I have ever felt in my life! worked out 6-7 days a week, confidence was high, and not a care in the world. I would say around May, I started getting increasingly fatigued every day. As the days went on, it felt like I was detached from reality. By the end of the year, I felt so detached, fatigued, and had major brain fog. I have a small bump on the back of my head, it doesn't hurt, I got it checked out and the doc said it could be a skull deformity. I dont believe her. I convinced myself that I had something wrong with me, and I went down the rabbit hole of self-diagnosing by reading google (i know worst idea ever). I could only function to the fraction I could before my snapping point. I felt so depolarized and had no energy at this point. I convinced myself I had a chronic illness that I was going to die from (I still belive this), I got every scan and lab work done. Nothing came of it. I had no idea what was causing all of these symptoms. Fast forward to January, I started a very stressful college class. It is an intensive academy-type class. I thought I had my stress pretty well controlled but in February I had my first panic attack ever. Went to school that day feeling fine, didn't eat breakfast, but drank 180mg of caffeine (I usually have \~300mg a day). During the afternoon portion of the class, I felt this sense of impending doom, and shortness of breath and it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. For 2 hours my HR was in the \~130s. I had no Idea what was going on and felt like I was gonna die. So my teacher wanted me transported to the ER, My EKG came back normal, sinus tachycardia (fast heart rate). They pulled labs and everything was normal except for low magnesium and potassium. They gave me some fluids and discharged me. For the next few days my heart rate was a constant 120 even when resting and my anxiety was through the roof! It sucked! My doctor then prescribed me Lexapro, and man oh man, hats of to anyone that could get through that first phase of Lexapro. It trashed me, constant panic attacks, SOB, tingling, the whole 9 yards. I stopped after 5 days due to the fact that I didn't want to be tied to a pill at such a young age. Since my panic attack, Ive had constant anxiety. Im having anxiety about things Ive never worried about before! it sucks! Its like I have to experience all these things over again (like driving) to tell myself there is nothing to be anxious about. Ill also be sitting in the most comfortable place in my house, not stressed at all, then my heart rate will kick off to the \~120s for the whole day. Do you guys experience this? I also feel like I'm having heart palpitations. It feels like my heart is in my throat and I can't catch my breath. It sucks! Every time I stand up my heart rate jumps. It takes a long time for me to calm down and convince myself I'm not dying. I know my case is minor to some cases Ive read but damn Im having a hard time with this. Im in constant fear and anxious about having another anxiety attack and passing out. Im trying everything I can before I commit to an antidepressant. Im trying L theanine, Ashwagandha, and magnesium. I got prescribed adarax but it doesn't seem to help like ativan does. I just want my old life back. Is this normal? Does it get better? will it be like this forever? how did you guys get over your anxiety? tips? medications? Thank you all for taking time and reading my post I really appreciate it. I just really need some help...",Anxiety has ruined my life... I need some advice/help,4 +41,"This has bee driving me mental for a year now as you can probably tell from my post history. + +Only way I can describe it is I get sudden episodes where I feel sick, like I'm falling, warm rush feeling and tight head then I snap out of it again. + +When it's really bad I almost feel numb and out of my own body like everything's in slow motion. + +Can happen standing sitting laying down. + +Drives me absolutely mental because I just cannot reconcile how anxiety could cause this so I constantly worry it's my heart. + +Anyone else get this? What helped stop it for good?",Anxiety dizziness - What does everyone's feel like?,4 +42,"Has anyone had vitamin c deficiency, and how long did supplementation take to affect anxiety?",Vitamin c deficiency?,4 +43,"I know I have some cavities because I went to the dentist sometime last year and they scheduled an appointment for fillings but when I showed up, no one was there and they wouldn't answer my calls for months so I gave up. But tonight I was looking at my teeth and I'm pretty sure I see one. I don't see any actual black or decay, just an indent that was hiding behind some tartar, but everyone's always told me that once you can see a cavity it's already too far and the tooth usually needs to be pulled (might not be true, just what I've been told) + I'm hopefully going to make an appointment on Monday but I'm so nervous because my teeth are terrible. I don't have any missing or rotting teeth but I can never remember to brush them and I had hg a couple years ago that turned into a 3 year long problem of throwing up multiple times a day. So they're yellow, have a ton of build up, and I'm pretty sure they told me I have gum disease at my last appointment. I'm so worried they're going to judge me and think I'm disgusting. I'm also terrified of getting fillings because the numbing shots never work fully for me so it's always super painful. + I checked their website and it says that they offer nitrous, conscious sedation, and iv sedation but I'm not even sure my insurance will pay for ""unnecessary sedation"" since nitrous makes me freak out. And then, how would I ask for it without sounding like a drug seeker?? I'm sorry if this seems like rambling. I'm just freaking out.",Terrified of going to the dentist,4 +44,I invited my friend over to stay because it was late but I have crippling germophobia and ocd. I feel horrible because I love my friend to bits. but im so triggered rn because I cleaned the toilet and we didn't have gloves and I don't know if she used it yet and now im terrified of having a disease I can't stop spiraling,germ anxiety please help,4 +45,I keep panic and telling my parent I need to go to the E.R.I keep having panic attack I use the restroom and i have a panic attack which cause my scalp to feel like it's burning I keep having a little chest pain and think in having a heart attacks. I have had headaches for the past 10 too 11 days and keep thinking I'm having a brain anyersum or stroke any little pain in my head makes me panic and spiral. I've been trying to play through my favorite resident evil games but it just won't distract me anymore im just panicking over and over. I sometimes think it would be better if I wasn't here anymore so I wouldn't bug anyone. Or wouldn't feel this pain all the doctors say im fine but I don't feel fine. I also feel like stress won't end even if I'm not thinking about any pain will cause me to panic.,I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE ITS SO HARD TO KEEP GOING...,4 +46,"What to use when you are stressing a lot +Maybe some vitamins or minerals?",What to use,4 +47,"My friend came for a sleepover today and we went in my room. He didnt ask or anything and just sat in my bed. After some time he layed in it, had my plushies in his arm, the blanked over him and the pillows under his head and I just wanted to scream. I still feel so uncomfortable. I can't wait him to be gone so I can change my bed sheets and wash everything. He also changed the position of my bedtable And I feel like ripping my skin of, I can't stand the feeling, and goddamn HE HAD SCHOOL CLOTHES ON. And went in. My. Bed. I changed the sheets not a while ago and they were all clean and now not. I don't even allow myself to lay in my bed with dirty clothes. I need to shower, put on fresh clothes and then I can lay in my bed. I had the problem of people just simply touching anything in my bed since I was little, They always bullyed me and extra jump on it, ect. I always cried because of it and It still didnt change. I'm so sensitive about anyone on my bed, I even feel disgusted if my mom sits on it just a tiny bit. There is no excuse ,everyone I know makes me uncomfortable when beeing on my bed. Does it have to do with my adhd? Is it autism? OCD? PTSD? or am I just weird? I'm slowly going insane, someone help me.",Am I weird?,4 +48,"It has been a stressful time for me (just moved countries). I have always seen things out of the corner of my eye but didn’t think anything of this. The last few weeks has gotten more noticeable. Last night I kept seeing shadows to the point I could not move of the couch until I forced myself too. All day it’s been happening, thinking I see things like figures and having images that are horror related come into my head. Every noise I hear I’m instantly scared. + +Has anyone had instances like this? It’s getting to the point of when my dogs bark I start to cry because I’m so scared.",Paranoia,4 +49,"I finally got the courage to talk to a professional today for my anxiety. I got prescibed medication and I told my mom, expecting she would be glad for me. She was not. + +She got super angry and told me anxiety is not real, and that the medical and drug industries are just a big mafia looking to exploit people for profit. She told me I'm just going to get worse and that the medication will turn me into a lethargic zombie. + +Also she didn't approve that the dr. gave me a 2 week sick leave from work and made me feel bad for ""skipping work"". + +I feel so bad now. Maybe I shouldn't have seeked help after all?",My mom doesn't believe anxiety is real,4 +50,"At the time I was sober going on 18, 19 years. I was, and am on disability since 09' for schizoaffective bipolar type disorder. + +For the longest time, especially since sobriety, I've been overwhelmed with thinking. Space, time, behavior, tornadoes...whatever. + +But, since my life was an unmanaged train wreck I had no confidence in myself as having any quality. It seems that feeling good about yourself comes from a well managed life. + + +My last job was as a janitor on the army base near by roughly 5 years ago. I couldnt handle the pressure. I was so dependant on others for everything I was asking if I was sweeping properly. Very bad mindset. A lady mentioned crying and it made me feel like crying. I didnt understand how that could be. It seemed like witchcraft, so to speak. That was my last day at my last job. It was my 4th attempt to go back to work since my disability badge acquisition! + +I've been in therapy for 16 or 17 years ago I got into therapy from a mental health episode. During that visit at the crisis stabilisation unit in Virginia (Fredricksburg) I met a man that changed my life. He went by the name Bose Uncle. He taught me a breathing exercise. 3 in 6 out. You breath in deep for 3 seconds roughly then out for 6 seconds. Also roughly. Dont try to be specific like me and do it exactly 3 and 6. + +On down the road, life and me under pressure and practicing my breathing because sufferage bleep blop bloop, pandemic. Overwhelming, unadulteraded pain in the brain from an anxiety I'd never expierenced before I saw a vision. It seemed to be the exact same thing that happened to Bill Wilson from AA. A wind blew through me. His words. My words on it are, I was no longer a bound up point in time and space holding on to the memories from the stimulation from the moment. I was free from the tension that came about from the fucking utter bullshit that exists. I let it go. The moment. I stopped holding and figuring. + +&#x200B; + +It was like my being afraid got wore out. I remember specifiaclly saying to myself at the height of my pain in a ridgid bodily posture laying in my recline, ""bullshit."" I calle dbullshit on my old beliefs. That old fire and brimstone god. Intstead I chose ""my concept"" of life as my God. My ideas are good to. Changed life. + + +About six months later I nearly died from pancreatitis. When I got home from 6 days in the hospital I shared it on facebook. I received a good number of get well soon messages as expected. I did not get what I thought I would. People coming to visit, bringing me food...all that. I nearly fucking died. I know hundreds of people. What does that mean? My perception is fucked up, my beghhvior is fucked up, I need to change. + + +I did not think that way at first. At first I thought, ""I fucking hate everyone."" For a while. + +Then 6 months later, I got diagnosed with autism. April 24th 2021. + + +6 months later after learning to relax, I rested on my heels for the first time in my life. This began the second chapter of my life. The taking my time portion. The I am the most impotant person in my life to me. You all come second. For ever. I no longer run to the kitchen, the bathroom, through the grocery store, drive fast, or move my limbs fast. I have even taken control of my eyes speed of movement. + + +Did you know that your body can control your mind. If you dont control your body your body will be controlled by your environment throught the mind. + + +You receive stimulus simply due to being a sensing being. This moves you. If you are not aware of it. Make yourself aware of this and take control of your body, the way you look, smell, move (behavior speed) amplitude of voice ...total bodily control and you can eliminate a great deal of your own suffering. I havew come off my depression meds and greatfully have finally been more aptly medicated with litium. Now I dont have to force myself into slow mo behavior but I do stay aware I think from a bit of fear. + + +You can control your thinking! + + +You can control your thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! + +&#x200B; + +I wish I could impress upon whomever needs it that the pause in conversation is ok. Moving the body oddly slow is not odd. Not speaking is an answer. And, you dont owe a motherfucker a goddamn thing if it stresses you out. + + Peace in east!","4 years ago I wasnt showering for months at a time, depressed, anxious and paranoid.",4 +51,"I am physically and mentally very exhausted right now and I tried to fall asleep, but I’m so nauseous from my anxiety that I really just couldn’t and sometimes I just like want to feel normal so bad but I feel like I will never get there. My anxiety sucks so bad. I feel like most days it controls who i am and what i act like for that day. Today i went out with my friends and we had a good time but we ended up being outside a lot longer than we would and i got extremely cold and started panicking. We were far from everyone’s house and all i wanted was to go home. They came to my house afterwards and it was nice for a while but i was still feeling anxious. When they all left i felt immediately better like this huge weight on my chest being lifted off. it’s not that i don’t like my friends but being around people is so exhausting. I hate that im like this i just wanna feel normal so bad. I get anxious so easily and it won’t go away for hours. Then when i’m not feeling anxious i feel depressed. It constantly feels like a never ending storm or something. Like just when it starts to feel bright and the rain might stop it starts again and gets so dark. I’m constantly fighting just to stay sane and it’s so hard. All i want is to feel normal and okay, and maybe real because i’m constantly dissociating. (I do have a therapist btw)",I am tired of having anxiety,4 +52,I've been trying to find YouTubers who talk about anxiety and things they may have done to help them. I just think it would be nice to find someone who shares similar experiences so I feel like I'm not crazy all the time lol. Anyone got anything? Thanks!,Any good YouTubers that talk about their experiences with anxiety?,4 +53,"Hi everyone, I've had anxiety for the last 6 months or so in varying levels. From January I was in a decent headspace with it but the last three weeks it's got worse and then the last four days or so it's gone off a cliff. + +It's all I think about all day long, I had panic attacks on Monday and Wednesday and my heart is racing all day. Where before I'd wake up rested now I wake up with my heart racing and frequently my muscles are spasming which is scary. The thought of doing normal stuff feels impossible and I can't shake this feeling I can't get better than this ever again. + +I spoke to my doctor on Thursday and he prescribed propranolol which I took yesterday for the first time which helped with the body stuff but my mind was still racing. + +Has anyone experienced similar and have any tips? I feel like this is really really bad and worse than most people have anxiety.",Had a really bad turn the last few days,4 +54,"For tonight’s players we have: weird jaw moment, chest tightness and irrational thoughts! Feat: what’s causing my moment of low sugar - new keto diet or new symptom. +Thanks for playing!",Welcome to todays game of is this anxiety or am I dying?,4 +55,"I have severe anxiety, when I’m really stressed or get triggered I zone out completely . It’s really scary does anyone else experience this? it’s like the lights are on but nobodies home.",Does anyone else experience Catalonia ?,4 +56,"I was diagnosed with an other-specified anxiety disorder for about a year now and that sent me into a tailspin during my diagnosis. I was doing therapy consistently since then and felt like I had a handle on things but was triggered into another episode a month ago. + +I just feel disconnected and kind of dead now. I've had on and off anxiety the whole month, it's affected my relationship, I'm exhausted all the time, struggling also with stomach issues and feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. My partner has tried to be supportive but I can tell it wears him down. I can't see how I can keep doing this and feeling like this forever. I don't even know what I'm looking for from this post but I just wanted to write something out because I feel tired and sad and alone.","Overwhelmed, tried, struggling",4 +57,"Every week there’s a new flavor of death on the horizon. Liver disease, cardiovascular disease, colorectal cancer, brain amoeba, HIV, esophageal cancer, and so on. + +I’m living my life convinced that I’m going to prematurely die any moment. + +I have body dysmorphia and have never been able to take my shirt off in front of anyone, even when my significant other is the most reassuring person in the world. + +Every little ache, pain, mark, and feeling can set me down a rabbit hole. + +I plan to start therapy soon and am actively looking for a therapist for in person sessions in my area. If anyone is in the same boat as me or has ever been, would love to talk or hear your story. Thanks","Self diagnosed hypochondriac, actively looking to start therapy and looking for people with a similar situation",4 +58,"Hi guys, so i was prescribed amoxicillin 500mg for my throat because the doc believed i had strep throat. I took my medication like it was instructed, 3 times a day for 10 days, but forgot to take it for 2 days. Now i am having a mild sore throat, is it too late to take it, or should i continue to take it, wiill it still work?","Amoxicillin 500mg, missed two days",4 +59,"I live alone. Right now it is storming. Every night I lay awake wondering if someone or something has broke in. My eyes are tired. I know the doors are locked, but how do you get over this anxiety? I've been alone for 4 months.",How to shake the feeling someone or something gonna break into the house?,4 +60,I know when I'm stressed and anxious. But there are times when I feel normal - but it is possible that I'm subconsciously stressed and anxious without even knowing it?,Can we have stress/anxiety without even knowing it?,4 +61,So many thoughts just need a distraction someone please talk to me.,Please help,4 +62,"I had gone to a barber 34 days back for a hair cut.And while cutting my hair, he put a towel on my neck and stopped it with a pin.But that pin stuck on my neck,Now I am afraid that can I get HIV from that pin?2 people had also got their hair cut before me and I do not recognize those people.Or if that barber has HIV and he pricks that pin on his finger and my nick at the same time?Nowadays I get sweaty while sleeping at night.And there are small nodes on my neck, when I touch I can feel those nodes.",Hiv anxiety,4 +63,"can I just say, fuck health anxiety! I truly cannot tell if I should go to the doctor or if I’m making up a problem. I’m pretty sure I was spitting up blood just now but I think it might have been from my gums. i’m freaking out being on a new medication and i feel like it was a big mistake and something’s happening to my insides. it doesn’t help that my doctor doesn’t take mental health issues seriously. + +how do you all deal with health anxiety???",health anxiety,4 +64,How can I control my thoughts instead of letting them overwhelm me ?,Overthinking,4 +65,I’m away from home on a college tour for this weekend and I’m really anxious. I’m super fatigued and my stomach kinda hurts (I have emetophobia) and it’s freaking me out. I recently had covid so I’m worried it’s making a comeback. Could really use someone to talk to rn,Away from home,4 +66,How can I stop having fear about my kids death? I’ll go in a spiral just thinking about it. It’s too irrational but scary.,Kids death,4 +67,"I have a constant feeling of tightness in my chest. +No matter how i breathe i can never take a breath that feels relaxing and satisfying. +Sometimes when i don't pay attention to my breathing i subconsciously hold my breath for a few seconds only to gasp for air a few moments later. +Most of the time my breathing is shallow and irregular. + +A lifetime of anxiety and the associated sensation of having a hard time breathing makes me believe my nervous system have forgotten how to breath properly. + +Can anyone relate?",Have my body forgotten how to breath properly?,4 +68,"I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a while now, I came to the realisation a few years ago that it has mainly stemmed from the relationship with my dad I had when I was younger. This is caused me to not be able to do tasks in front of people (wether they be simple or not) I just can’t do it. I start lightly trembling and thinking about how stupid I must look to whoever is watching me, this causes me to mess up even more. This is really stopped me from wanting to go out and get a job because I know that if the interview goes well (I actually do good in interviews weirdly) then I will eventually have to be shadowed and critiqued by someone while I learn the job. This dread has stopped me from going to 3 interviews now. Does anyone else get this? Sorry for the long post.",Anxiety stopping me from working,4 +69,"I’ve been dealing with a really complex personal issue involving heartbreak/ loss of a person I deeply care about; certainly the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life thus far. As it stands, I already carry a level of anxiety with me, but with this added on to it, my body has been putting me through hell. I find myself dry heaving hard in the mornings especially, and then at times throughout the day. This has led to some really painful vomiting on several occasions. Its also occurred at my workplace, the gym, and several other public places without warning. I know there’s absolutely a psychosomatic part of all of this, but after almost three weeks, it’s becoming really problematic for me. + +Has anyone experienced something similar? Is this just something I have to power through? Are there any tricks to at least minimize it?",Dry heaving,4 +70,Anyone up or available? I'm just not doing good right now my anxiety has me feeling like i can't breath and making me feel like my throat is gonna close (yea wierd) I know,Hi there,4 +71,"I'm a 27 year old female. I've probably had anxiety all my life but have never spoken to a doctor or anyone about it. + +I feel like im just always in a constant state of worry. So much so that it drives me to have small OCD traits. Something as simple as fearing a house fire and having to do a series of steps checking lights before I leave the house. Over and over......and over again. It's weird. + +I'm always worrying about the future, past things I can't change, things I say or do after im with people, how people view me, if I have a ""too much"" gene. I'll sit and agonize over things that's so mild for someone to worry about but drives me up a wall. To the point of frustration where I just lose it and cry into a panic. + +I dont even know where to start to solve this. I feel like the past year it's been horrendous and getting increasingly worse. I'm good at playing it off. I'm good at putting on a show because I've always thought I could handle it- lots of people I know feel the same. But it's really starting to take a toll on my life and the things I'm doing or too afraid to even try to do. + +I feel like I use alcohol and drugs as a way to cope sometimes. Not an outrageous amount but I'll have a big drinking night and then will go a week without drinking cause I've worried myself into thinking I have a problem and need self control. + +I'm so good at people pleasing and acting like everything is fine but I feel like my mind is just in a dark place. Telling myself I'll never make it, that I'll always be alone, etc. + +It's really stupid things to stress over. Or at least stupid things to let myself worry about for more than a minute. + +Money is always a bug stress factor- for everyone of course but thats the main reason I think I've never gone to get help. I'm not sure how much it cost to afford the help I need or where to even go. Not to mention the fear I get trying to explain how I feel to someone and them thinking I'm crazy or I'm making it up- how sad to think a professional in this field would judge me.... + +I just feel like if I dont try to improve my overall mindset towards life then I wont have a fulfilling one. I'll be too afraid to try new things that scare me, I'll stick to my same safe routine, and I'll come home and cry over the big and small worries that run through my head daily. + +Where I do I start to fix this...?",Where do I begin to get help?,4 +72,"On the one hand, it’s comforting to know that all of my worries about coming across as nervous or awkward are so out of proportion that people don’t even know I have anxiety. + +On the other hand, it feels sort of invalidating to my struggle, if that makes sense. This thing often consumes my life, and it’s frustrating that no one knows how hard I’m trying. They just think this is easy for me, that I can effortlessly raise my hand and speak in class like other people do. That’s not to say that I feel negatively toward the people who say this, more that it’s just generally frustrating that people have no idea. + +Have y’all thought about this too? Do you look at it a different way?","People often say “Really?” when I tell them I have anxiety, and I have mixed emotions about it.",4 +73,"Sounds stupid, but whenever I feel my anxiety go through the roof and make me nauseunauseouss, McDonald's fries always help ground me for whatever reason...",Does anyone else have their anxiety relieved by McDonald's fries????,4 +74,"A bit of background: I was diagnosed with ocd and gad about 15 years ago. Been very much under control for the most part. + +I’m 32 years old and just started dating an incredible 31 year old woman about a month ago. I’ve dated a lot over the past few years, but this is the first time in ages where I’ve REALLY been into the person. Normally it feels like the people I date like me more than I like them, and anxiety doesn’t play a role. I just go about my day with a calm mind and do what needs to be done. But now it feels like the roles are reversed, and I’m getting crushed. + +Constant thoughts of whether or not she likes me, obsessing over every word in her texts to try interpreting meaning, freaking out if she’s doesn’t respond to my messages within a couple hours. It’s taking over my life. My work is slipping, I can’t sleep well, a constant awful sick panicked feeling in the pit of my stomach. + +It doesn’t help that she’s very reticent with her emotions and does not offer much words of affection or validation. But I don’t want to scare her off with my intense feelings so on the surface I’ve been playing it cool the best I can. I almost wish she would just end things with me so I could move on, because not knowing how she feels is the worst part. + +I don’t know what to do.",I’m dating someone I really like and it’s absolutely killing me,4 +75,"This technique helped me to develop awareness of my thoughts and feelings as observer. Also it helped me to heal my anxiety and neurosis. I call this “Back of head method”. I hope you try it and it works. + +If your attempt was successful and you started feeling calmness and ease, i recommend you to regularly practice this method for months to get good results. You won’t even recognize your reaction to impulses after long practice.","Try to massage the back of your head with your palm, and then concentrate on feeling it and imagine that you are thinking your thoughts and feeling feelings there.",4 +76,"I just started a new job that has the absolute best work environment ever. However, it's answering phones, and of course that's not ideal for me. The sheer amount of information I have to navigate is overwhelming; every question is entirely unique, and I'm beginning to feel really stupid and out of sorts. It's not rocket science, just selling hotel rooms-- any advice on how to stay calm and collected??",Working in a call center,4 +77,"So the preface, I’m someone in my early twenties living with my parents. My parents have been fighting for years, occasionally physically. This would usually include my mom knocking in my dad’s door to argue with him. These arguments would usually start with topics that included bills, taxes, or myself, that would eventually escalate to more personal matters I will not get into too much here. I used to try to intervene when things got too heated since they can’t stop themselves, but recently I have decided not to so anymore as the last time I tried to intervene, my mom did physically attack me (I didn’t get hurt, I was just standing in front of my dad and she lurched at me). + +Last night, she called me to ask if I could knock on my dad’s door, since he wasn’t responding to her calls, because she “needed to pay a bill.” I knew that this wasn’t just about a bill, so I compromised and sent him a text instead, I even sent her a screenshot as proof. And I wasn’t going to call him/wake him up in the middle of the night unless it was an emergency, as I would consider it to be rude to do so. + +She then says “don’t worry your little head about, go back to sleep or whatever, okay?” + +Then, she called me again, this time saying “What are the consequences gonna be? Knock on the fucking door.” I declined, saying I don’t want to be a part of whatever was going on between them, and she should talk to him about this, to which she said “I know. He’s your loving dad, and I’m the evil mom.” + +I said goodnight to her, she laughs and responded with “not goodnight. Good bye.” + +I say that I will talk to her tomorrow, and she replies “I’ll never talk to you again. Not tomorrow, not the next day, or the next.” + +She then calls me twice then immediately hangs up. + +She calls me one more time that night, here are the things she said when I declined to knock on my dads door again: + +“I ask you to do one simple thing, and you didn’t do it. It’s just a simple thing! I tried calling your dad, and he isn’t answering me. It’s not like you’re picking sides or anything! Translation: “Look at what I do for you! And yet, you can’t this simple task for me? Well then I will rescind my love for you!” + +“It’s not like you’re picking sides or anything!” + +“You’re full of shit, just like him (my dad).” + +“Where has your dad been all of your life?” + +“You need to take responsibility.” + +“Is this what one of your councilors told you to say, the one that I pay [x amount of money, I don’t exactly remember].” + +“You don’t even know what is going on.” + +“But fine. You can do whatever- go to sleep, wake up in the morning, do whatever you do.” + +Me: “ok. Goodnight, mom.” + +And finally, I said goodnight to her, and she said: “Don’t call me mom. Just say good night.” + +That’s not to say my dads innocent either or anything - he’s hella toxic and has treated my mom poorly as well, so it is hard to tell where the abuse and victimization starts and ends between the two of them. Basically, they’re both each others abusers and victims, if that makes any sense at all. + +But I do believe he is the safer parent, as although he can, at his worst, make me feel very uncomfortable to be around him, as he is kind of an asshole at times, I don’t feel like my safety is threatened around him, unlike with my mom. He’s a lesser of two evils , if you will. + +So I just feel really anxious right now. I did not want to be used as a pawn against dad, and my mom immediately associated me with him. So, now I’m afraid that when she comes home, she will start to treat exactly like she treats dad, or worse. I’m afraid she might start pounding my door and attacking verbally and physically. + +Okay that is all, I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading this.",I’m Afraid My Mom Might Hurt Me,4 +78,"I'm becoming numb and I don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm not diagnosed with anxiety, but I know I have it. Even being aware, I don't feel better. It sucks. I'm a good person. I don't say that a lot but I am. Why is this happening to me? Overthinking every stupid thing, nail-biting, the constant hatred for myself and others. It doesn't help. As a kid, I've always known that something is wrong with me. But I'm too scared to tell my parents because if it's confirmed, it means I'm sick. I am not okay and I want help. But I'm so used to being the person who helps not being helped. I always put on a fake smile and am never in a bad mood; no one suspects it. + +I feel so alone. I should be used to it but ever since I've got friends, I want to spend time with them. It doesn't help because we have a huge fight and I keep overthinking it. I wanted to feel better because I somehow convince myself my feelings are fake and that I'm doing it for attention. So, I took a pathology test, and the result was too much for me. The questions felt so attacking and my stomach hurt every time I clicked a yes or a no. The result was that it is 90 % sure I have anxiety. My stomach dropped seeing that. While I was happy, I was right at some point, I felt retarded. That realization that is actually something wrong with me was horrifying. I don't mean to degrade anyone, but I felt horrible.",Something is wrong with me... (Trigger warning),4 +79,"I can’t for the life of me talk to people. I instantly think that if I talk to them I’ll annoy them. I feel like a burden if I do talk about how I feel, but if I don’t then I get told to talk about my feelings. Even talking to someone in passing is terrible. I put words together in my head but I say something completely different.",Speaking.,4 +80,"Everyday I overthink things and make myself anxious by doing so. Thoughts like ""are they talking about me?"" ""Do they hate me?"" ""Am I doing this right?"" And stuff like that. A lot of thoughts are just me being anxious that I'm a horrible person. What can I do to decrease/have better reactions to these anxious thoughts?",How can I decrease my anxious thoughts?,4 +81,Having bad anxiety over my tongue. I have on the side of my tongue this white thing and I tried getting it out but it's hard and I'm having anxiety over what it can be I've never seen this before if anyone can relate please,Possible trigger warning / anxiety over tongue,4 +82,"If so, what are your thoughts? I like it so far but mostly just because it triggers my ASMR. + +Did you have success?",Has anyone tried EMDR therapy? I just started.,4 +83," +Ok so kinda a weird post, and I’m not sure if it belongs here, but I figured this sub was probably the best one for it. I also tried the social anxiety sub, but my post was instantly removed. So basically I have this huge fear of asking my mom for things because I think she will judge me for them. I don’t have this fear around anyone else (I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks of me) but for some reason I have it with her. I’m not talking about little things like asking for something at the store or asking for basically any necessity. I’m talking about bigger things like hair dye, piercings, or really anything to do with clothing. For example, recently I worked up the confident to ask her over text if I could dye my hair, which she is fine with, however later that day when she asked me to show her pictures of what I want, I chickened out and got to scared to show her. It’s like I knew she would say yes, but I was still to scared to show her because I was afraid she’d say something judgmental to me. She has always been sorta judgmental towards me but I really want to get over this fear because it prevents me from getting a lot of the things I really want. Is there anything I can do?",Scared to ask mom for things because of judgement,4 +84,Hello everyone I hope you’re okay. I was just playing FIFA and boom a big palpitation hit I started to panic felt lightheaded because I was holding my breath because I was so tense and then calmed down. I have had my heart checked 7 times 2 of which are private best testing ones and it’s perfect so I know it’s not going to harm me but still catches me off guard I think it’s more of the fact I was leaning forward that it felt harder and the fact I was breathing in lol. Anyway ! I was laying in bed thinking I need to just once and for all get over all of the symptoms that are making me scared of being I’ll and dying. How can I do that ???? GET OVER MY FEAR OF DYING now I’m not saying I’m perfectly fine with death because I am not but I just thought to myself I can’t stop death and I just need to accept it. If there isn’t a god I won’t know about dying after if there is a God I could go to heaven which is great and who knows I could reincarnate and live life again. We don’t know so it’s the anxiety of not knowing which scares me and leaving my family behind. Like I say I’m a healthy 22 year old male with NO health conditions death can happen at anytime and could happen the next minute but for my age and health it is unlikely but never zero. Now I’m religious and I am sort of anxious in my mind that God is trying to get me to accept death so I can die soon lol but I don’t wanna die soon that’s why I’m scared off. That’s just my anxious mind thinking right ? I guess the positive way of looking at it is that God is getting me to get over my fear of death so I can live the LONG HAPPY HEALTHY LIFE that he put out for me. Can anyone help me accept death even more ?,I had a mini win !,4 +85,"Going through a really challenging situation atm and it's made me realise I've been avoiding tough feelings for a long time, maybe all my life. + +Now that I see this am trying to just let them flow, and breathe through it, but it's really really hard, and it hurts, and is scary, and my avoidance habits are strong. + +I'll keep trying, but if anyone has any advice / experience with this that you can share, the support would be very welcome.",Feel the feelings,4 +86," +Hey r/anxiety, + +I am in a very tough spot rn, i was working towards becoming a teacher for 7 years, started my teaching certification programme (in my country you need to do this), but after 3 weeks I was so anxious of all the people i constantly had to deal with that i started suffering from constant belly pain, diarrhea, insomnia. So after spending 4 weeks on sick leave i decided i want to quit and try to focus on my mental health first and maybe find a small job (like a 10 h job) in order to be slowly introduced into regular work life while getting support from therapy and social services (the 10 h job idea was from my therapist because i havent had a job except for a summer job when i was 18 which was very traumatic because the boss constantly berated me, made fun of me and humiliated me). +I still live with my parents who have financially supported me throughout my studies (tho till i was 25 my health insurance was free and they got tax benefits and child benefits from me still living with them, if i had moved out i would have been entitled to support by them, my divorced father had to pay me 112 € a month for instance) and to them me quitting because i just can't work with children and a ton of colleagues and the constant stress of being judged and evaluated and dealing with maladjusted kids supposedly is understandable. However they demand of me to immediately get a full-time or 30 hour job so i can move out ASAP in potentially a field i have little experience in and they say i shouldnt become unemployed and rely on social services because it would look bad on my CV. +Because i was struggling to find a field that would interest me within a week of deciding to quit teaching and me offering to apply for a 10 h job at a library (smth i wanted to do before but my applications failed sadly) as a transitionary period my mother basically screamed daily at me the last couple days saying i should get a job and gtfo and stop acting like a child when i started crying, shaking and feeling like i was about to throw up. She says she is entitled to her financial support paying off after all this time and that i should get a job like a normal person and support myself. + +As a result of this constant yelling and screaming and ranting i havent been able to sleep for days, i have lost 3 kg of weight, lack any appetite, have to get up every night cus of diarrhea and havent slept more than 3 hours most nights. Yday i proposed the idea with the 10 hour job and my mother reacted as if i was telling her a bad joke and said i should be ashamed for even suggesting such a thing. In her rage she said i should gtfo she doesnt care if it's social housing or a homeless shelter and that she didnt financially support me to become a work-shy leech. So in my panic i phoned a bunch of social services just in case so i would know my options. Today she came in tears to me and said she was just very concerned about my future. Yday I talked to my doctor and my therapist about the potentiality of getting kicked out and they asked if i could go somewhere to get away from this situation so i can recover a bit like i was supposed to during my sick leave, so i decided today to leave for my boyfriend's place who is still a student and also lives with his parents but in a different country (we are in EU so travelling is no problem). I have some money left from my teaching job that i could give them if they ask for it (i was paying my fam 250 € a month from the teacher pay), so i wouldnt be freeloading while i stay there. +I have been taking Sertraline (Zoloft) for a few weeks now but have had very little success. I have been in therapy since november and been on sick leave since late february. I think if i had stayed i would have become suicidal as i was noticing myself starting to go numb and dissociate whenever i was being yelled at. After explaining my situation to my doctor she said she couldnt let me leave without asking if i have sucidial thoughts because in that case she would have recommended sending me to a clinic. + +Some questions are plagueing me now however... am i a coward? Am i doing the right thing? Am i a lazy leech like my parents call me or just too mentally ill to work a proper job for now? + +What do you guys think about my situation am i doing the right thing? What should i have done in your opinion? Kind of asking as a reality check",27 yo with severe anxiety living with parents fails at life,4 +87," + +Whenever I open up and share my feelings my body feels physically sick and exhausted. Like it physically hurts. I feel so vulnerable like an open wound. I basically start shaking and feel nauseous whenever I do share myself. + + +I’m terrified of opening up, whenever I do I,ll just get shamed or ghosted. It feels like hell because it’s hard enough to put myself out there in the first place. + +It’s not even just deep stuff. Whenever I simply text someone I worry I’m bothering them and feel really embarrassed + +I’m afraid of getting close to new people because what if they end up changing their minds get bored and ghost me? I’m afraid of being forgotten about",I feel physically sick whenever I open up to someone,4 +88,"For the past couple months now I’ve been having this weird feeling in my body like my mind and and my body are on a different course like my movements are almost robotic and my mind is losing control of my body. Ik people typically associate this with dissociation but I still feel in control and recognize and I’m mindful of the fact that I am the one controlling my movements but idk it’s hard to explain it just feels like a lack of connection between the two and at certain times it’s so bad I feel Im just going to lose control of my body completely. I’ve also been experiencing some feelings of being off balance, muscle tension, headaches, RLS, and brain fog and I’m starting to wonder if my fears really are anxiety or something worse. I saw a doctor and she told me it is probably stress related but I’m just having a hard time with all of this I’m seeing neurologist later this month but I just feel so restless and like I’m living in agony and losing my mind I wanted to see if anyone has gone through something similar and can offer any advice, Thanks.",Is this disassociation?,4 +89,"I'm putting myself through a university undergraduate degree as a mature student (25) and I just had my grades improve over the last two semesters. But this semester... +My father in law had emergency surgery in January. +I got approved for breast reduction surgery in February and had it done March 21st (this past Tuesday) and now I have to drop 1 course out of 3 because I'm failing it and can't keep up (it's an elective that's not in my field of study). +I think the stress of that course will jeprodize my recovery, but my stress isn't gone. Due to my Fs in that course, I'm second guessing myself. I have an interview this coming Tuesday to be a research assistant and have to submit a writing sample and I feel inadequate. Even though I get really high marks on my papers in my field. + +I feel like I'm not allowed to be proud of myself. To be optimistic or excited. I feel like I have to be hard on myself instead of encouraging. I sound delusional asking if I'm being too hard on myself because I know the answer... But I can't let myself believe it.",Am I being too hard on myself?,4 +90,"I’ve noticed the frequency of stressful events leading to anxiety cycles and acute depression has been quite alarming and figured, maybe the meds have finally pooped out. + +I’m in therapy, I’m doing yoga, I’m keeping busy, I’ve got a loving partner; it’s just this lil demon in my head seems to be gaining more and more +experience points and has been gaining a foothold on my day to day. + +Thoughts or opinion of those who have been meds this long? + +Thanks!",10 years of Celexa/Lexapro and thinking of making the switch to Zoloft,4 +91,I’m wondering if anyone else ever has this. Usually when I breathe out or push on it it starts to get tickly. More so when I think about it. I’ve gotten an EKG done a few days ago and it came back normal so I guess that helps ease my mind a little bit. I told the doctor I’ve been having chest pains and she told me it was costochondritis because it hurt when she pressed on my chest. I guess it would calm me down more if someone could relate.,Does anyone else feel like their heart is being tickled and making you cough?,4 +92,"Hello, I am new to this community, but I wanted some help. + +I’ll start with some context. I’ve always been a person that throws up and a lot of the time it was when I was nervous. This past year tho it has gotten much worse, with a time where I even went to the hospital because I hadn’t eaten in like 2 days and I felt so physically exhausted and dehydrated. At first I thought it was from weed and something called CHS, but quitting weed didn’t really make a difference. I also have delt with this vommiting in highschool before I would go to a party I would get so nervous I would puke. And that was before I ever touched weed. + +This led me to go to a gastro doctor who said he did not think it was weed related and instead some inflammation in intestines. I’ve been on meds for that for 3 months but it was getting better and I really started to take my anxiety seriously so I went to my doctor and they prescribed me an SSRI. I also will start therapy in a few weeks here. For the past month (after about 1.5 month on SSRI) I have been doing better. I hadn’t thrown up for a month, but these past 2 nights I have had very panic attack like feelings and tonight even pushed me to the point where I had to get up from being comforted by my girlfriend to throw up. And I always feel awful about it and like it’s going to just keep happening and I think I get stuck in that cycle. + +Does anyone have any tips/advice on dealing with this before my therapy appointment I thought I was doing so good but now I’m afraid I’m slipping back.",New to this. Need coping skills,4 +93,"I have a crippling anxiety disorder and I’ve been prescribed Lexapro. I have GAD but I’ve noticed my anxiety has always been around my health, especially my heart. It’s gotten so bad that I barely leave the house and I’m afraid to exert myself which is depressing because I used to be a gym rat and exercising was what I used to do help cope with my anxiety but that’s not something I can do anymore, Atleast In my mind I can’t. This has really intensified over this past year after dealing with multiple panic attacks that have landed me in the ER and I’ve been getting a bunch of physical symptoms constantly that does not help with my worrying. I’ve had many tests done and the doctors are very reassured that I’m healthy. My Doc believes the Lexapro will help me but I can’t seem to find the courage to take it. I’m just so terrified of it, I’d really appreciate some encouragement to start my meds because I high key hate living like this .😭",Scared to start Lexapro,4 +94,,I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself.,4 +95,"I felt like my anxiety had gotten worse lately and that I had gone backwards. This made me feel extremely discouraged and a sense of doom, until I saw this quote. I wanted to share in hopes that it will help others too. Don't be so harsh on yourself, anxiety is a curse that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (if I had any lol) + +Take care x",A reminder that progress isn't linear and that's okay!,4 +96,"The last month has been such a struggle for me. I started having panic attacks where my heart rate would spike to 150-180. I went to my doctor in case it wasn’t anxiety and just had my Holter Monitor results come back. I had one of these attacks while on it and thankfully no dangerous rhythms were found. Just some high rates but not sustained so my doctor is unconcerned. So once again, this is all anxiety. + +My therapist thinks it’s because I started a new job last month and I’m falling back into my old health anxiety habits because “Stress compounds symptoms”. + +This has gotten so bad that the past week I haven’t even been able to leave my bed out of fear of my heart getting too high. Due to probably the fear when I cooked or did dishes my heart rate could get up to 130 then if I noticed and began to worry it went up to 160. + +Now that I know I’m fine I thought I’d be okay but I’m still constantly watching my smart watch to see how high my heart rate gets then panicking when I see it go above 120 from just walking around the house but when I’m calm it doesn’t go over like 110. This happened on the Holter and it was normal. I know this is just anxiety but I can’t stop obsessing that I have a heart issue that’ll kill me. + +I just need help to take the smart watch off and stop taking my blood pressure. It’s just making everything worse. Yesterday alone, according to my logs, I took my blood pressure 50 times. I was worried because my bp was low when standing yet my heart rate was high so I thought it was dangerous. It happened again this morning and my heart rate got to 165. This constant checking is driving me crazy and ruining my life. How do I stop this??",Tips on how to accept my symptoms are just anxiety and start living again??,4 +97,"Any time I get my bp taken it’s always high as I’m basically on the verge of a panic attack. + +I know it’s going to be high bc I get nervous that’ll be high and quite honestly I’m a fit guy with big arms so the cuff always gets uncomfortably tight, which makes me more nervous and turn I know that means we’ll have a convo about my high bp again …which is what I was dreading in the first place. + +So fellow anxiety suffers, do you have any tips to combat white coat BP?",Any tips for dealing with white coat hypertension?,4 +98,I’ve had anxiety for years but no panic attacks in yeaaaaaars. However panic attacks have returned in the last 8 weeks and they’re awful. I forgot how bad they are. I’ve been reading deep breathing and breath work doesn’t super help and I know that to be true - but what else do you do during one? Do you just focus on your breathing however it is? How do you calm down the panic attack? The physical symptoms are awful!,Panic attacks have returned - what to do?,4 +99,"i've noticed that over the last year i've become super anxious when it comes mine and my loved ones health, i think it's because my husband had bells palsy early last year. + +Since then anything will trigger me!! literally anything. I was picking at a mole (didnt realize) and it started bleeding and got itchy and now I have this anxious feeling in my stomach even tho i know IM the one who picked at it. + +I feel like even though my brain is like yes u picked at, u probably dont have anything to worry about - that anxious feeling in my stomach is still there. + +Other times if i have a headache it goes to the worst outcome. I make doc appts every so often but I also don't want to be that person who shows up so frequently for nothing and waste my docs time. + +Im really starting to feel hopeless and like Im going to live with this anxious feeling forever. + +I guess.. any advice?",Health anxiety,4 +100,"I was prescribed 50 mg Zoloft for anxiety and depression which I took for the first time last night. What followed was the most excruciatingly painful and unbearable 12 hours of my life. I threw up anything I ate, heart was pounding nonstop, my entire body was numb, and I couldn't sleep without being constantly woken up by stomach pain or nausea. Pretty much all the anxiety symptoms I normally get except all at once and multiplied 100x. At certain points I honestly felt like I was about to die or pass out. +I know people say that it gets worse before it gets better but nothing could have prepared me for this. I don't think I'm gonna take another dose until I can talk with my psychiatrist and be absolutely certain this won't happen again. Anyone else have a similar experience or am I just really fucking unlucky",is it normal for an SSRI to make you feel like you're literally dying,4 +101,"I'm sorry, but this is a long one. It's a bit of a weird story but I'm hoping that someone might be able to give me advice on what to do. Just over a month ago, I (female, cashier) got a new coworker (male, bagger) at the grocery store I work at. It took a while before we had a conversation together; he was helping me and asked me what kind of music I like. I was honest, and said that I like most genres and that I sometimes enjoyed listening to 20s and 30s jazz music. Then he just kept talking about old music at me for the next few days and seemed to always be distracted when it came to work. I don't like to talk much while I'm working because I feel like I mess up more when I do. So I began to feel anxious about being around him since I didn't know how to tell him I didn't want the conversation to continue every time we saw each other. + +Then, a few days ago, he randomly asked me for my number in front of a bunch of customers while we were supposed to be working. I had a bad experience the last time I gave my number out to someone (the guy turned out to be a stalker who harassed me for weeks and told everyone that we were in a relationship when we weren't, wouldn't stop calling me, tried to turn me against my family, etc.) and I immediately felt freaked out about why this guy would want my number when we don't know each other at all. It felt really inappropriate and unprofessional to me. I told him that we were busy and shouldn't be having that conversation right then (mainly because I didn't know how to say no in the moment) and that we could talk when we were done helping customers. But he continued to ask me repeatedly for throughout the next hour or so. He ended up writing his number down at some point and gave it to me, telling me when he was off that day and to immediately text him my number when he was off (this is while I was talking to a customer). Once we were done with all of the customers, I told him the truth: that I didn't want to give him my number and how I had had bad experiences in the past that started with giving my number to a guy I barely knew. He seemed to understand and then avoided me the rest of the day. So I thought everything was going to be fine. + +However, the next day, I started noticing that he seemed to be getting more clingy with me. He wouldn't be focused on doing his job and would stick around me as much as possible. He has a habit of sticking to my register instead of helping other cashiers like he's supposed to; he also seems to get bothered if another bagger is helping me and he tries to take over bagging for me immediately. I often notice him watching me from across the room. Every conversation we have is awkward. I don't initiate them because I want him to leave me alone so I can work. When he's not talking to me, it seems like he isn't really talking to our other coworkers that much. + +But then, the other day, I had a bit of a scary experience. I was going on break and went to our break room. He was in there and had headphones in, so I didn't think he saw me. After a few minutes, I went to the bathroom across the hall. When I came out a few minutes later, the room was empty. I suddenly hear loud footsteps running down the hall and he barges into the room, half-yelling my name just to show me a song from the 1800s for some reason. I'm worried that he might have been waiting outside the bathroom for me, which makes me kind of scared to be at work right now. I don't like being alone with him. Today, I spent the majority of my breaks hiding in the bathroom, worried he might bother me if I went anywhere else. + +I know that the anxiety I feel isn't healthy, and I can't tell if I'm just paranoid from past experience or if there really could be a real issue here. I don't know if I should talk to him, a manager, or HR about this. I thought that maybe I should just say nothing and act less nice to him and see if he leaves me alone, but I'm worried that it could just make things worse. I could really use some advice if anyone has some. Because I really can't tell if he's just trying to be friendly and doesn't realize he's making me uncomfortable or if there is something potentially more creepy going on.",I am feeling anxious about a new coworker. (TW: Past experience with a stalker briefly mentioned),4 +102,"I (17F) am in my senior year of high school. I’ve sort of always been anxious, especially about people. Any time ANYTHING happens to someone I care about, even a little bit, I get such bad anxiety that I am often unable to focus on other things. + +So, as I said, in high school. When I first started high school, life was a mess. What’s important to know is that I had just made a massive transition and had come out of the closet. Not a lot of support from family, but that’s okay. + +In my particular HS, we have a home room class, and you have that teacher for home room for all 4 years. When I met my home room teacher, she was incredibly kind. For all 4 years, she continued to be this way. She made cards for everyone birthday, talked to me when I was rejected romantically for the first time, and always listened. We talked to each other while getting ready for the day nearly every day for the last two years. + +This week, she’s been absent. Very strange. Then, on Wednesday, she says in a slide prepared for the sub that she’s out on medical leave for the next few weeks. It wasn’t planned, you could tell from the way she talked in the slides of the previous days. + +I find out that she’s in the hospital, but fine. INSTANTLY, I’m full of anxiety, feeling like my soul was removed from my body. I’m just worried, like, a lot. I KNOW she’s fine, as far as everyone knows. I also led an effort for a “Get Well Soon” card, being given to her by another teacher she’s friends with. I don’t really know how to just patiently wait for the 3-4 weeks until she gets back. + +I’d also like to say that I KNOW she’s fine. My brain does not seem to feel the same way, especially when I’m not actively doing something distracting. + +TL;DR my teacher is sick and in the hospital and I have a strangely large amount of anxiety, even though everyone says she’s fine.",I am having a extremely large amounts of anxiety for a person.,4 +103,"Hello everyone, i was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder at age 7. Im able to manage most of the symptoms with natural remedies except one which is excessive urination. SSRIs & Anxiety Meds do not help if anything they make it worse. Im now 27 and still suffering from the symptom. I have no physical illnesses and have seem numerous doctors and specalist and theyve said that everything is normal. It has recently started interferring with work and im now at risk of being fired from my job because they can not accommodate, even though i have a doctors note, they said the excessive restroom trips are causing business interruptions. I cant go to amusement parks, concerts, long road trips or hiking/walking trails because ill have the sensation of needing to go pee. Most of the time when i do go nothing really comes out...Does anyone else suffer from this or has suffered from it or have any solutions??",Anxiety Causing Excessive Urination,4 +104,"I (23F) have a pretty okay relationship with my boyfriend's (24M) family. His mom is a devote Christian and her and I are pretty close and his brother (let's call him Jake) and I are okay as well. + +&#x200B; + +I follow the little brother who is 16 on Instagram and we occasionally interact (liking stories, pics,etc). Yesterday I remembered that my friends and I created a 'burner' account 3 years ago that we used to look and follow people we didn't know (crazy I know). + +&#x200B; + +Anyways, I noticed that Jake was following this burner. I looked at his profile as saw a bunch of stuff posted that I have never seen before. It was typical teenage boy stuff like rap music, middle fingers in pictures, etc. but nothing that I haven't seen before. I realized that I was blocked from viewing these stories and unblocked whenever he posted other stuff. I instantly started to feel sick and uneasy at the thought him blocking and unblocking me each time. I even felt a little teary. I thought, does he think I am uncool? Old? Did he think I was going to tell his mom? I also post things with cursing etc. so I really felt confused. I know in reality it is really not that deep because I too have older adults in my life 'blocked' from viewing my story but the feeling I felt was uncontrollable. + +I don't want to feel like this anymore. I have felt similar to this in other occasions and another user asked if I had rejection sensitive dysphoria. I am not sure if I do. + +&#x200B; + +TLDR: Boyfriend's little brother blocked me from viewing his story and I instantly started to feel uneasy.",I am sad that a teenager blocked me from viewing his story.,4 +105,"too anxious to sleep, but i’m exhausted from not getting enough sleep last night. just feeling really helpless right now. + +if anyone is reading this and going through a similar thing, i hear you. you’re not alone. just gotta tough out the rough patches, this too shall pass.",having a really bad anxiety night,4 +106,"I first developed severe anxiety and panic disorder in my senior year of high school. I can proudly say that with perseverance, proper medication, and the help of my lovely therapist, family, and friends, I was able to complete my senior year and begin college in the fall. I’ve taken a liking to this guy in my class, and we will hang out this weekend. I am very inexperienced in the dating world as I’ve only really gone out with three guys ever… none of which lasted more than a few months. Though I had not been diagnosed with anxiety in my sophomore year of high school, I began dating this guy whom I was pretty infatuated with. However, the first time he put his arm around me, I shook uncontrollably. I misread that as a sign that he wasn’t suitable for me when it was just anxiety. Fast forward to now, I am anxious about seeing this guy this weekend, and I am scared that these feelings of fear won’t go away even if we continue to see each other. Has anyone else been through this? What should I do? I don’t want to be limited from dating but l my body is giving me unclear signals of what to do.",College Student w/ Anxiety: Dating Life,4 +107,like just randomly? all over their body or on one part/side,dae get chills?,4 +108,"6 to 7 years ago I was diagnosed with GAD/PTSD. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with adhd. I have managed it all this time with no medicine, and I have been fine with for the most part. The only time my anxiety would rise a little bit is when it was triggered by stress. Which then I knew I just had to balance it out again. + +Well, this month ended up with heighten anxiety due to an allergic reaction being around seafood, one week later got a tooth pulled, 2 days later I was fussed at by an ER doctor, and then one week later after that I had anxiety reflux kick back so hard that it cause two days of back to back panic attacks. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t eat anything but rice and chicken, no meds, and being around doctors frighten me. I couldn’t manage to get myself out of that anxiety loop. + +Well I was finally about to get some hydroxyzine for “as needed dosage” 3 weeks later. My anxiety was down back to a manageable level but my fears were still there. I took one 25 mg pill in the evening. I got an euphoria feeling and drowsiness the whole next day along with diarrhea. Then all my anxiety was gone. I can eat food again without fear. I’m not scared to take meds again. + +This is the weirdest Anxiety is the moment I have ever dealt with. However, I’m now pondering if with my anxiety reflux being kicked up it had my stomach and brain a relay lap so when I took the hydroxyzine it suppressed that nerve in my stomach and it help my stomach feel better and then which stop the relay cycle. I guess that is something I will have to remember to ask my doctor.","Oh anxiety, you are weird sometimes.",4 +109,"I went off anxiety medication 8 months ago. Cut it cold turkey by accident (I was never told otherwise). Thankfully had no withdrawals or anything. I have severe, severe, severe health anxiety and I was doing really good up until a few months ago it started to get bad again- but I was managing. However, the past 2 weeks have been really really hard with my health anxiety and I knew I needed to finally get back on and I’m so happy to be back on. I had some stomach issues and I’m freaking out. I had blood in my stools and bad pains in my pelvis. I also for the past 2 months have had a dull ache in my upper left abdomen. Had some blood and stool tests and all was good. Today is day 2 is taking my medication (Zoloft) and I have a weird, nauseating feeling in my throat/chest. It feels exactly like when you get super giddy and your chest/throat squeals with excitement. But I don’t feel excited- I feel so anxious. It’s almost like I have to gag or dry heave. Can the Zoloft be causing this? I had no side effects last time I was on it so it’s weird. My anxiety is going crazy because I’m afraid it has to do with my other symptoms.",Health anxiety / Zoloft side effects?,4 +110,"I was eating a honey bun and while chewing felt something of a different consistency, like wadded paper. Well it was a sorta brownish color square less than an inch tall. it was wadded up and now my anxiety is having a field day. it has been about 30 minutes or so...I am just scared",Anxiety sucks help,4 +111,"I've got therapy starting up soon and I have bad mood swings but I forget them a lot too and I need to track them. + +Does anybody know good app that lets you put more then one mood in a day?",Mood tracking apps,4 +112,It scares me that they're thinking of banning tiktok. Tiktok has been one of the only things that can calm down my anxiety and make me not stressed.,Is anyone else scared that they are going to ban tiktok?,4 +113,"Most people are mentally and emotionally sane, relatively at least. They might claim that the worry is all in your head, not understanding that your corporeal experience strongly suggests otherwise. They might tell you to think positive, because they don't have an inner voice that constantly gets drowned out by a huge stadium packed with negative objectors. They might take it rather personally when socializing is the very least thing you want to do, they could never imagine that them yapping on about their normal life drains your already depleted life-energy. Some of them might start all kinds of shit with you because they see you as a weak and opportune victim to unload their own shit towards, never realizing they're the real cowards. + +Some of them might truly want to help you out and tell you get therapy asap, then you might see some random bureaucrat person completely devoid of empathy struggling to stay awake while you pour you heart of desperately looking for some kind of assistance. Assistance that usually comes in form of dubious drugs that only work at a hefty price by the way So they advice you to go see some private expensive experts, unaware of the fact that your wallets suffers with you. They like to imply that you just chill the f out and relax. Because they don't have that intrusive, horrible, horrible, horrible, encompassing, joy-devouring, soul-obliterating, sucking, painful, torturous, uneasy pit of dread stuck right in their stomach with racing thoughts to boot. Perhaps they'll make sly remarks on how you need to just grow up, after all, they don't know how's it's like to think like an adult while emotionally reacting like a little fragile child scared to death. + +They might say go the gym or be physically active and get some endorphins running. To be fair, is actually solid advice if you can muster the strength to go there. Off course they have their problems too, the difference however is that your problem is you and how that you contaminate every aspect of your life. The point is, according to some of 'them' you're just a loser, useless, lazy, afraid, a waste of space, a failure with nothing to show for in life. They are so much better than you and intentionally or not they make you buy their version of you. + +However. It's just opinions from judgemental people at the end of the day. I don't want to you to waste any energy on harboring any resentment, envy or anger towards anybody, they just don't understand. How could they know the truth. Perhaps even you don't the truth about yourself, so I'm going to say it, just in case. + +You simply being here and keeping on makes you a tough as nails. A warrior that fights hordes of demons every day. Bravery is defined by the will to face fear, you have fear stuffed in your face all the time. You may suffer endless anxiety, but you as a matter of fact are courageous by the definition of the word. Doing your best to just keep going, that's it. It's not some lofty motivational speech, just a cold fact. + +It may not help you any bit to read this, but I for one will not let it be unsaid. Anxiety is bad enough in itself, so rather than feeling shame in addition you have earned the right to have pride in yourself. My intention is for you to keep that in mind on your darkest days, because I know very well what it's like to suffer anxiety while having your character measured by factors out of your control.",Actually you're a total badass,4 +114,"I am absolutely spiraling about some things that happened today and I am very anxious about some things that‘ll happen in the next months. +Today my anxiety has reached its new peak. +I am extremely nauseous, lightheaded and it feels like there‘s a thousand butterflies in my chest. +It feels like I‘m about to pass out from anxiety and I don‘t know how to calm myself down. I‘ve tried to distract myself, but it doesn‘t work. +What can I do??",I think I‘m gonna pass out from anxiety,4 +115,"My partner has lied to me in the past and now anything that is remotely close to that topic makes me think he’s lying. And then I spiral and think I have to check his phone, then I think he deleted messages, then I need to check his Apple Watch, and then I think he may have used another form of contact and I start to feel like maybe I’m being illogical and crossing the line. In the moment, I feel like nothing can give me relief except for finding solid “proof.” + +I’m not proud of this behavior. I recently started therapy for my overall anxiety. Unfortunately it is hard to afford to have sessions often enough. + +Context: +He lied 1.5 years ago about something relating to a female coworker it was not infidelity. After lying, he was able to “prove” he was telling the truth. I feel 99% confident about it. Since then, he lied about about small things like not playing video games while on the phone. Idk I don’t want to damage my relationship with this but I also don’t want to be lied to again and turn a blind eye. + + +So how can I know if I am acting because of anxiety and overthinking opposed to following intuition and following my gut. My intuition is how I caught his initial lie.",Is it anxiety and over thinking? Or is it intuition? How to know the difference?,4 +116,"First time posting here. For context, I suffer with anxiety (obviously), and also have bipolar and OCD parents. I find myself constantly obsessing over high blood pressure and high BPM. I'm a heavy set guy. I'm trying to be healthier, but I have a long way to go on that. Sometimes, hours of my day are spent stressing over whether my heart rate is too high, and when I do so, I find it usually makes it go higher. + +I hate going to the doctor because of it because I know my BP will be high, and I don't want to know how high. Today, I had to go to the doctor and ofc it was high, but I was also having a panic attack while they were checking it because of the nerves I have around the whole thing and already had to walk 3 miles just to get there. I wasn't even there over my blood pressure. Anyway, after the visit I was sobbing and hyperventilating the whole way home. I just don't know what to do. Obviously, I have to get it under control, but in the meantime I need to find some way not to obsess over it because it keeps triggering panic attacks.",Blood pressure/Heartrate,4 +117,"I just wanna rant ab this cuz im embarrassed saying it irl because we all struggle and its not something special. i just hate how lifes going and might go. im find im just in college, i have a fine family situation and everything but man im just tired working, doing homework and whatnot. the fact that i have to keep working hard in both of these categories to succeed in the future makes me very anxious and i hate it. imma keep going tho i just hate it.",Life,4 +118,"Does anyone else experience derealization during the good times? For example, Christmas, birthday parties, concerts. Like I tell myself “you need to soak this in” and then it feels like it barely even happened. Is this normal?",Derealization during good times?,4 +119,"Hello everyone, new to this community. Just wanted to know if how I feel is felt by someone else around the world. I’m just…tired. And not because of the spring air and everything. This last few months I’ve experienced record anxiety levels and they kind of stopped but it’s a loop, when I least expect it they come back. And for the silliest things too. I can’t enjoy any day anymore because of how bad the situation got. +I’m currently in therapy, I journal, I practice sport and meditate, I try to distract myself but anything seems to work. I’ve tried all the methods, I’ve read thousands of articles. I feel restless and it’s a feeling I’ve been carrying with me for quite a while now. My mind constantly works, elaborates stuffs even when it should shut down. +I used to dream a lot a few months ago, and now all I do is go to bed trying to empty my head before it hits the pillow. +Am I close to a burnout? +I can’t focus on studying because my mind is elsewhere. I just don’t know what to do anymore since I’ve tried everything I could. Do you have any suggestions or pieces of advice? Any techniques to calm the mind down that actually work? Thank you❤️.",Do any of you feel restless about living even the simplest way? I’m anxious and worried all the time and I just can’t live like this,4 +120,"I got a phone screening interview with a really big non profit, which I wasn't expecting. I did the call yesterday, and at the time I thought it went okay. They said they'd get back to me by end of day today or early Monday. It's 10pm EST now which is well over the end of the day, and I'm sure I didn't get it. + +I just keep thinking of everything that I did wrong. This internship could literally set me up well after graduation if I get it. I didn't even think I'd get a phone screen interview. But now I'm thinking if I did badly and I wasn't worth bringing into the next round.",Not sure how to not worry about potential internship,4 +121,"So it was my biology class and it was one of those classes where I had none of freinds in and was extremely uncomfortable every lesson because alot of the time we were made to answer questions infront of the class or have to find partners and obviously me being awkward and with social anxiety I never j never had a partner. + +And because of this I always would get a red face from embarrasment and I guess she took notice because the time we we learning about why the face goes red she decided to ask me a question about it knowing my face would go red and once it did she said ""oh look it's happening now"" which obviously made it 10x worse and she littarly made me stand up and face the class it was one of the worst days of my school life. + +In her defence she was older and I doubt she evain knew how painful that was for me to do that but yeah just a random story I doubt anyone read this far lol.",Story About the time my teacher made me stand up to show my red face to show the class when I was emmbaressed,4 +122,"Not sure if this is anxiety but it’s been doing this for a while + +https://streamable.com/q34ads",Thumb twitching?,4 +123,"I (26 M) am super frustrated with myself, today I had a cardiologist appointment bc I have palpitations sometimes and my heart races randomly when I have acid reflux. The cardiologist did some blood pressure/pulse checks to rule out POTS and said I was fine on that front. The EKG came back great and he said my heart was in excellent shape. I even asked him to order a take home monitor for me just for some peace of mind and he was ok with that. I had an echocardiogram done about 1 year ago with a different cardiologist and everything came back great. Now as I get home from the doctor my anxious brain gets to plotting and is now worrying that ""He didn't order you another echocardiogram what if he's missing something"". My rational brain believes and trusts this doctor very much, but the anxiety part of my brain just wants to create more worry for any reason it can find. Can anyone give me some advice or insight? Is there even any Medical reason I would need a second echocardiogram 1 year later? I assume it detects defects that have been there probably from birth so a second one is probably pointless but it's hard to tell my anxious brain that. I Just want to believe the doctors when they give me positive news and believe that I'm fine. + +Edit: I should note I am very aware that I have health anxiety and I am currently in therapy for it already, It still bugs me though.",Why can't I believe what the doctors tell me?,4 +124,I don’t even know why I had so much trouble filling out the forms. I know that I have enough documentation and support to at least get an interview and talk to SSA but I couldn’t do it. They called me and sent me reminder letters and I even had a hard time opening those letters. I only have myself to blame for getting denied.,I had anxiety over filling out my SSI and SSDI forms and they denied me because I never sent them in,4 +125,Free counseling and support for anyone struggling with dependency issues in Los Angeles California,Free counseling and support for anyone struggling with dependency issues,4 +126,"I definitely haven’t built a tolerance, at most I used to take 0.5 once a week. I had a manic episode and was hospitalized, after I was released I tried to take rivotril to calm down and it did absolutely nothing. + +Could the mania have permanently altered my brain chemistry? I’m also a LOT more sensitive to caffeine now. I was always sensitive to caffeine but it’s gotten a lot worse, I can’t even have a Pepsi, which has a negligible amount of caffeine",Benzos don’t work for me anymore??,4 +127,"I’ve been really struggling for 3+ years now. My symptoms are down mood, EXTREME exhaustion no matter how +much I sleep, feelings of being on edge, feeling spaced out 24/7 like my mind is slow and foggy, feeling disconnected from myself and those around me, a bit dizzy or lightheaded, feeling no motivation and like everything feels hard, feeling as though I could loose my mind at any second and just general groggy and confused feeling even though I never do actually loose touch with reality. + +I have had blood work, brain MRI, every thing is normal! But truly I feel so strange and run down and frustrated every single day. + +Please, has anyone had these symptoms? Can they truly all be caused by poor mental health? And can they someday go away?? I am losing hope.",Is this truly anxiety and depression?,4 +128,"I’ve been dealing with some health issues that have left me with no answers so my anxiety has been THROUGH the roof - I’ve been dizzy and exhausted from my anxiety. + +But I’ve noticed my anxiety starts 5am waking me up from my sleep with a knot in my stomach, my heart beating out of my chest and an impending doom feeling…then I lay in bed deep breathing. Once I get out of bed I feel better. My anxiety is still there and then peeks from 12-3pm. Then around 5pm I am like a whole new person…no worries..enjoying my hobbies..eating as if I have no worries anymore. But then the whole process starts again the next day!! + +Anyone else?! How to stop this horrible cycle",SAME TIME ANXIETY,4 +129,"**Just in case anyone needs a TW, there is talk of medication** + +**and in advance i'm sorry for any spelling errors** + +&#x200B; + +wasnt feeling well at all and started stress eating. i tried my stratergies that i do with my psychologist but today was just one of those days if you get what i mean. + +i've eaten too much, but a majority of what i've eaten is sugar which also gives me headaches when i eat a lot of it (also in case this is needed information; i dont get sugar high). + +idk if i can take nurofen or panadol (Panadol is a paracetamol i think, and i think nurofe contains ibprofen) for the headache because i'm on ritalin (methylphenidate) and Movox (Fluvoxamine, i think its called something else in america though and most people on reddit seem to be from the US) and idk if some pain killers are compatable with ritalin or movox. + +im also on a birth control to manage my periods (its called ""Evalyn"", i think im spelling it right, idk the science medication name off the top of my head though) but i know i can take pain killers with my BC. however it does cause mild indigestion. i though it'd be good to include this because the intestines and stomach are connected lol. + +the queasy feeling is really bothering me and i feel sickly. does anyone have any tips on what i can do to ease it? ive drank lots of water (both for the stomach ache/ queasiness and for the headache) and have my big water bottle next to me in case i need more, but it hasnt helped. just looking at anything food related is making me feel like im gonna throw up too. i've thought of sleeping it off but i struggle to nap during the day and i've already slept in a ton this morning so my body doesnt feel sleepy at all, i've tried putting ASMR on too but that isnt making me sleepy. + +would really appreciate if anyone knows how to help this. i might try looking more into wether i can safely take some pain killers or not (using reliable sources so that i can make sure i'll be safe) + +i'm also gonna ask on a medical related subreddit if i can take ritalin and movox with pain killers at the same time because it's really hard to find information online on my own. + +thank you to anyone who reads this and thank you to anyone who can help, means a lot to me",stress ate and now i feel really poorly. anyone have tips on soothing the aches and nausea?,4 +130,"Hi, looking for a bit of advice and experiences from r/anxiety here. + +Around Christmas I started to develop some kind of anxiety disorder and had a lot of panic attacks. For most of my life I've always been a little anxious and tended to overthink, but these symptoms were just much worse. Up to this point I've also been smoking weed, but not excessively, mostly once a week. After developing said disorder, weed now increases my symptoms, despite it never doing something like this before and it mostly calming me down. Even when I had a greenout, I mainly suffered physical symptoms. + +In response to my symptoms I started with autogenic training, a lot of introspection about my fears and stopped smoking for about a month. With this I got the worst of it under control. Since then I've been smoking a few times with mixed results, sometimes I get more anxious and panicky, but on other occasions it also felt like a normal high. + +Right now I still have some lingering symptoms that can be better or worse, depending on the day, so I'll definitely quit weed until I can resolve this. My question now is, if any of you here have suffered something similar and were you eventually able to smoke without getting anxious again? I'll be honest, I quit enjoyed being high, so that would be quite the bummer, but certainly not the end of the world. + +Thanks in advance!",Anxiety and Weed,4 +131,"I have exams fast approaching everything was fine until one day my heart started to beat faster and rapidly and after that for the past 5 days everytime i try to sleep it races so fastly that i gasp for air. +Took an ECG it was normal. +I don't know what to do,feel like i might die in my sleep.",Need Help. New here,4 +132,"Hi! +I am 19f and finally submitted to my local area's Wellbeing Service in the UK. I'm not diagnosed with anxiety (yet) but I'm finally taking the steps I need to in order to improve my quality of life. I guess I'm just looking for how it works and whether it takes as long as ADHD referral (I'm going to psychiatry UK for that, got referred in November and waiting for an appointment)? Any advice would be greatly appreciated 💜",Referral Guidance,4 +133,Anyone who has had this every day for like a month or more? I just started Prozac to deal with anxiety but I’m concerned.,Face tingling/pressure?,4 +134,"28M. + +I've had a lifelong fear of flying that feel well-prepared to take head-on, especially the fear I've had around taxiing and takeoff. I've flown before, but it's gotten harder to get through the process without running out of the airport dizzy, panicked and overwhelmed by guilt in the past few years. + +Specifically, I took a program called SOAR designed to help fearful flyers manage their fight/flight responses around takeoff and aviophobia, or *fears when the plane is in the air.* I felt confident in the last few weeks that I could do this. + +But as I lay on my side writing this, I realize I was completely unprepared for the anticipatory anxiety ahead of the flight. + +I woke up at 4 am this morning in a cold sweat. My extremities were numb. I couldn't get a 10-minute patch of sleep in without my stomach seemingly twisting into knots. The last 17 hours has been a waking nightmare of existing in a moderate to strong panic attack state. My appetite is nonexistent. I'm barely able to drink water. Every nerve in my body is screaming at me to tell my friends that I can't go on the spring break trip we planned. + +It's crazy, I'm a grad student and I have never felt as tired as I do now just spending this day holding myself back from tears and a full breakdown. + +I'm so tired that a beach doesn't sound nice right now. I just want to curl up in my bedroom with no direct sunlight, to sleep, to cry, to indulge in self-hatred for having a response this extreme to something so commonplace in life for a lot of people. A vacation is the one thing I need right now, but trying to take one via flying has destroyed me. I'm lucky that I had nothing to do today, because it was not going to get done. + +I don't know if this thread is a message in a bottle, but it helps to get it out. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear it. + +I still want to fly, deaparately. It's one of the big things keeping me from living my life on my terms. But having to spend almost 48 hours in utter hell is not worth it.",Anticipatory anxiety ruined my chance at a vacation. I'm so tired of trying to fly and failing.,4 +135,"I (24M) have been dealing with anxiety and treatment resistant depression for the past few years or so. It’s gotten very bad and my mental health has deteriorated as the days go on. I’ve started struggling with really bad brain fog and confusion and it’s really freaked me out lately. I’ve been unable to work since mid last year and still live with my brother and mom. My dad moved about 30 mins away a year and a half ago after my parents got divorced but they stayed friends. + +The past few months have been hell, dealing with the brain fog on top of the other issues, and not being able to find a doctor to take me seriously. I’m surely at a loss. My mom has began dating again and is legitimately obsessed with online dating. Buying every membership to every site imaginable, talking to a different guy every night and most nights she’s going out. Now this probably wouldn’t bother me but when I have so much going on, sometimes I just need someone to talk to. + +I was always extremely close to my mom, she has always been there for me but lately she really doesn’t even seem to care. Her only worry is that “I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself” but she doesn’t want to do anything to help me. She told me this morning that she wants me to go stay with my dad and I’m so hurt. I’ve lived here for 24 years and I just want to feel clear headed again. Idk what to do and I feel like my parents hate me. I honestly feel like I have nobody. + +I do go out with friends a lot of nights or just hangout to get out of the house, I workout so it’s not like I’m just sitting at home waiting for her. But you can’t even have a conversation with her without her staring at her phone. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it and I can’t imagine losing my parents emotionally. I’m at a loss.",My mom doesn’t care anymore,4 +136,"Reacently the realisation, that our lifes are finite hitted me really hard. All day I can only think that probably some day I will become a widow (just statistics) and its ruining my life. I cannot enjoy my current life because of this. I love my husband insanely and the thought of losing him some day, even if its many years afar seems devastating. I cannot imagine my life without him. I dont know what to do anymore. I can only pray that I die first.",Fear of future and spouses death,4 +137,"Hello. + +So my country is going to have an election in the fall. Politics used to stress me out much more in the past; I've since then cut a lot of the sites that were stressing me out and most days, I feel pretty good and don't really worry about it that much. My country has been ruled by religious extremists who are incredibly bigoted for eight years now- I'm so tired of their constant discriminatory comments, blatant disregard for any sort of decency and integrity and they overall just make me so tired and anxious and sad. They've started to rule when I was a teen, and I'm a young adult and they're still at the helm. It seems like they will win this year again, and another, even more extreme religious conservatist party has a chance at becoming the third biggest power. + +I fell into a mental hole and I can't get out of it. I know that the elections will be in the fall and it's early spring, but I just feel so depressed and powerless. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to and that it will always just be horrible. I know that it's my brain making a bigger deal out of it than it should, but I'm just so tired of it all- can at least one thing go how I want politically? + +How do you deal with feelings like these?","Politics has made me anxious again, I just want something to finally go right.",4 +138,"My cat just got put to sleep. My anxiety is through the roof, I feel like crying, but every time I start to cry I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. My anxiety is extremely physical, I just felt like I had a literal heart attack. My chest felt extremely funny, it hurt, my heart started to race, I got really dizzy and my legs and hands went numb and tingly. I don’t know what to do, I have had panic disorder for a year now, but this has to be the worst panic attack to date. +Please help me",worst panic attack ever,4 +139,"I’ve (22F) have been on anti-depressants since I was 14, but I’ve never felt 100% better. I switched from Zoloft to Celexa about 2 years ago, and I’m currently taking the max dose of Celexa, but I still get pretty bad bouts of depression and anxiety at least a couple of times per week. I’m in therapy so I know of a variety of coping measures that I can take, such as exercise, journaling, spending time with friends/family, and breathing techniques, but none of those things seem to work. I don’t have any major problems or stressors in my life either, I’m just depressed for no reason 2-5 days per week. + +Does this mean that my anti-depressants aren’t working, or do I just kinda need to suck it up? I’m scared to try new anti-depressants bc of the withdrawals and potential worsening of my depression, so I’m not sure what the best thing for me is to do.",Are my anti-depressants not working?,4 +140,"I'm scared my dog bit my postman when I'm not at home. My granny had dementia and by the looks of it opened the door for postman. Usually she slightly opens the door to not let the dog out but I'm scared she let him out. + +My dog has never bit another person before and only barks at them. One time my uber came through the back and he only barked his head off him hut the uncertainty is killing me. As far as I know Australia doesn't kill dogs off first attempts but I'm still scared.",Anxious about whether my dog bit the postman or not lol,4 +141,"I need help. Please I need so much help. I took it at 9:30 pm last night. The first hour I felt amazing, then i went to sleep. I woke up and I couldn’t tell if I was awake or asleep. Everything was moving in slow motion. I had so much anxiety that it felt like my chest was burning. I couldn’t feel my own heartbeat. I was able to go back to sleep but I feel the same thing now, it’s been 22.5 hours later. My head feels like it wants to explode. I’m dizzy and off balance. Cant stop shaking. I want to vomit my brains out. So much anxiety it hurt so bad. + +I’m going back to the doctor tomorrow. they told me not to take the second dose. 50mg. I’ve never been on any medicine before. My body hates it. I just want this to stop please. + +My question is how long will it be until I stop feeling this way? I want this feeling gone. My head is so heavy. What do I do?","Quitting Zoloft first day. I’m spiraling, what do I do?",4 +142,"I have terrible anxiety from exams. Especially after the exam is over, I make scenarios in my head like I’m going to fail or get accused of cheating by the monitor because they told me to stop talking twice. This time, I forgot to write down the time I came back from the bathroom (they have this paper we have to write when we left and came back from the room). Usually they write the time after we give ID but this time for some reason we had to do it all. I did write down the time I got out but I didn’t write down the time I came back (left twice and yup forgot twice). Usually we don’t have to do this so that’s why I forgot. I’m worried this might get me in trouble because there’s no way they can know the time I actually came back to the exam room… ugh I know it’s dumb but dammit if they notice this it might actually get me in trouble 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️",I can’t even vent to my friends and family anymore because they’ll definitely think I’m crazy :(,4 +143,"I’m having anxiety at work, i hate feeling this way. I took these gummies (OLLY brand) to help my anxiety, I shouldn’t have skipped them yesterday and decided to take them today. I also had a little bit of coffee to wake me up some which was not the best idea. My boss is making me do cakes which I hate being the cake decorator. I have expressed this 100 times but nothing. I have a lot to do. It’s just not a good day. I guess the only good thing is, I have stuff waiting for me at home (retail therapy ✨) I hate days like this.",Just one of those days…,4 +144,"Work is causing me so much stress at the moment. I wake up I cry and shake. I get to to work I have a meltdown. I sit at work and my brain is going into overdrive listening in to every conversation wondering if my name is involved or what not. I can’t relax. I get home and I cry cause I’m so exhausted as my body is constantly shaking or fidgeting or overthinking etc. I’m hardly eating cause I’m just not hungry. I’m hardly sleeping cause my brain is overthinking… + +Today is the first day I have not gone in to work but I feel worse cause I’m now thinking about what’s happening there while I’m not there. + +How do you get out of a rut like this? I’m 22 and I’ve just moved into a house with my bf so money is a big thing at the moment and I can’t just hand my notice in or better yet leave…. I just feel so stuck and I can’t get out. I have an appointment with my doctors on Tuesday but idk if I can make it to Tuesday :(",Feeling so overwhelmed. can’t cope.,4 +145,"Does anyone have any recommend for guided breathing videos on YouTube that are long, 30mins+, that you can listen to through headphones when in a situation where you anxiety is elevated to help control your breathing? I hyperventilate, and one on calm app are too short for me",Long Guided Breathing videos,4 +146,"I decided to see the new John Wick movie late after work today so decided having two energy drinks full of caffeine to keep me up and then a follow up beer during the movie would be a great idea... + +During the first action scene each gunshot made my heart rate go faster and faster gave me huge amount of adrenaline that just wouldn't settle, I must have watched the whole thing with my heart racing at 100bpm, immediate acid reflux, sweating, feeling trapped in the cinema gripping my chair for 3 hours. + +I'm currently at home in the tub trying to calm down, the movie was awesome though! 10/10 would recommend!",I had an anxiety attack during an action scene in the new John Wick movie today...,4 +147,Hi! How effective has buspirone been for those of you who suffer from panic disorder or generalized anxiety? I’m hoping to take it on its own starting next week.,Buspirone for GAD panic disorder,4 +148,"Disclaimer, the post is slightly copy paste from this thread but I want to share this on many threads in order to get some help. + + +I'm M 33years old: + +[What's really interesting is, every single described on this thread are almost identical to the ones I I have right now, so if you can please check them out so you understand what I am going trough.](https://www.reddit.com/r/costochondritis/comments/jrihv6/chest_pain_for_months_no_answers/?xpromo_edp=enabled) + + +The only logical explanation I've found myself is, that it might be severe Anxiety or Burnout I've experienced which makes my muscles being tense up all the time without me even realising it and get inflamed by the constant stress. + +As well some people, from what I've googled, claim that it might be side effect after a COVID infection (around June 2022), but oddly enough my wife is totally fine despite both of us having similar symptoms while we were sick (I got headaches and my throat hurt, her throat hurt and she was tired, both of us were 3x vaccinated). The only reason why I rule it out, is because these pains did start 2 days after my bed broke down while I was lying on it (August 2022) and we changed the bed mattress afterwards around october 2022 but we've slept on the couch (that can be transformed into a bed) which is literally a wooden plank with the old mattress on top of it that was way overdue (had a ""hole"" in the middle so had to change it) for almost 3 months. + +Before this all happend, I was really really stressed for years because of tons of private issue that negatively impacted my mental health and I was inactive during the lock down (2020) and after losing my job (june 2021), I've been almost every day on the PC (with bad posture probably) from 2019 - June 2022. (I got now a new job in september 2022 but got laid off from a previous one I was in for 3 months around January 2022) + +Also I was on Amitriptyline 25mg for almost a year, and stopped taking them as my neurologist told me back than (June 2022), I used to have around 2021 iirc similar pains/tingles on the left side of my body but not like the ones I have right now. + +I do really hope if anyone finds out what we can do do finally feel better, beside accepting our symptoms and live with them. + + +I have the typical tingly, electric feelings around my left side, headaches, migraines, heart races, burning/cold feeling on one foot or both etc these symptoms typical come when I feel really anxious. + + +Now all the symptoms seems to focus on Chest/Pain/Neck Pain with Brain Fog with, especially when the pains are strong. + + +The only relief I've found was lying down (tough sometimes I had moment where my back was blocked/stiffed but just for a short time and after I moved a bit), taking walks outside in the fresh air, being distracted, doing some stretching of the muscle where I have the pain. + + +Yet what I hate is they all return. +I've did the classic health anxiety attack routine going to many Doctors, ER etc: +dozens of Bloodtest came fine, have a slight Arthrosis and disc misplacement on my neck (nothing seriously according to the doctors), Neurologe didn't found any anomaly, Cardio doctor in August/September 2022 told me my heart is totally fine (we did a stress test on a bike) + + +So in the end, I really hope it's just my anxiety/burnout, as my doctors all say, who gave me all these physical symptoms. All I want is that these pains finally stop! And if I did write many confusing things, please tell me so I can clear it up. + + +P.S. I wanted to add as well that I grew up with stress my whole life ever since my childhood and that even to this day, I am really nervous and my fingers are always tremble, I am now asking myself if my body decided to crack when I got into my 30s",Is it Anxiety/Burnout and why do my neck/back/chest pains haven't stopped ever since august 2022,4 +149,"24M, 6’ , 215 pounds +I have what I believe to be anxiety disorder. I almost always have some sort of anxiety. Sometimes I feel a little cloudy and maybe even a bit u stable on my feet. The worst is when I’ll be working; doing something minimally exhausting but my heart rate will raise to over 120 and then the panic ensues. The rapid rate can last hours. Maybe I am a hypochondriac and the more I think and check my pulse the worse it gets. Does anyone else have this happen? I have asked my doctor for a referral to a cardiologist just to be sure. I’m currently on no medication.",Rapid Heart Rate,4 +150,"I haven’t seen my friends in a while, and I don’t have much money since I’m not working at the moment but I figured I’m young and can go out to eat something every now and then. But now I’m just….I’m not sure how to even put in into words but nervous? I’m nervous/scared of leaving my home and it was so sudden. I’ve got like two hours to decide but I don’t know why I’m feeling this way? I’m scared something happening to my mom while I’m out",Staying at home vs going out,4 +151,"I am 3 months postpartum and my doctor just prescribed me Zoloft 25mg. I have been having horrendous anxiety and insomnia. I finally decided I needed to do something about it. I took my first dose last night and was shakey and nervous and couldn’t sleep. So I took a hydroxyzine but that didn’t really help. So today I decided to take it earlier to see if that will help. I took it at noon. I am feeling so awful. Having diarrhea, which I guess I don’t really care about. But I have a headache and am soooo foggy. Like I feel weird and out of it and so tired but at the same time nervous and amped and I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Someone please tell me this gets better and it’s worth it. I can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. I have a baby that I have to care for so i hate feeling like this. I'm thinking about trying unisom tonight to sleep. Also I am breastfeeding.",Zoloft Postpartum Anxiety,4 +152,"(26 year old female) sorry for the long post… I’ve been on anti depressants for about the last 12 years of my life. I was always on 100 mg zoloft & then switched to 20 mg lexapro in 2018, but went off of them for about 6 months in 2021 to try to live without them. At the end of those 6 months I started to get dizzy more often & have what I can only describe as uncontrollable thoughts. Not suicidal or thoughts of harming anyone, but I just did not feel in control of my emotions and I felt like I was gonna lose my mind lol & very depressed. So I got back on lexapro 20 mg & after a few months I started to feel average at best but better than before. August 2022 I started to get brain zaps/dizziness every day for over a month so I went to a new psychiatrist and got back on Zoloft 50 mg to start. I worked my way up to 75mg & started to feel a lottttt better, but in December my dad died and I was extremely close to him so that obviously set me back. I went up to 100 mg around Feb 2023 and have been having issues ever since. Very dizzy, lots of anxiety & panic attacks, and the weird uncontrollable emotions/thoughts and always feeling on the brink of a panic attack have been happening since. It gets A LOT worse at night and that’s when most of my issues arise. +Within the last 6 months I’ve seen an ear doctor to make sure I didn’t have inner ear issues causing dizziness, an eye exam (I got a small prescription mostly for being on my phone/computer or reading), and I got an MRI done and saw a neurologist. All has always come back normal so I’m thinking it’s a medication issue or lack of something. I’m mostly looking for advice or comfort to make me feel better since I’m not doing well lol. Thanks for reading ❤️",Advice greatly needed,4 +153,"Hi, + +I've been having very bad anxiety attacks lately. I've been taking valium and it's helped but doesn't eliminate it. I've never had it sooooo bad. I also take olanzapine. I'm in the gym trying to push it away but I want to run home and take a valium. However, I only have a few tablets left. I'm really struggling on what to do. + +Anyone else feel the same or have been in a similar place?",Panic Attacks,4 +154,"I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety I take 400mg seroquel for sleep and have a weird side effect , when I take it makes me have those sudden life realisations about my self *really bad thoughts” + +Exactly like a bad weed trip and that’s why I stopped smoking weed . + +It’s weird since I’ve tried all drugs from benzos and opium to ssris and snri and it’s the only drug that makes me feel this way + +Why I am feeling this way? I searched a lot and couldn’t find people with the same problem",Seroquel makes depressed,4 +155,"I began taking Lexapro yesterday and I began feeling nauseous and just an overall off feeling. I also began feeling like burning sensation in my stomach, like a lot of acid and today I began feeling cramp like feeling around my stomach. + +Has anyone dealt with this when starting Lexapro?",Is this a side effect of Lexapro,4 +156,"I woke up this morning with not a thought in my head but was experiencing bad physical symptoms (stomach tight and nervous feeling, chest tight, ect). Just curious if it's possible to be physically anxious when mentally you're doing ok? + +The only other thing I can think of is that I'm mentally anxious about the physical symptoms but would love to hear other people's experiences!",Is it possible to be physically anxious without being mentally anxious?,4 +157,"This is probably a very particular issue and I’ve never really wanted to post about my anxiety but I’ve led myself here anyway. After a weed induced panic attack about 5 months ago, things have been pretty hellish for me. I’ve got a painful feeling in my chest I would say the majority of the day (anxiety, of course), every day. Now, I love love LOVE films. I plan to go to college next year and study film. I’ve wanted to become a director for years now. As you’d imagine, that requires me to be able to watch pretty much any kind of film, whenever. But, going to the cinema, something I hold so close to my heart as being a place I used to love, a place I would go to escape, has become really difficult for me. I really struggle in the days leading up to going, takes serious mental preparation. I’ve been a total of 6 times in 2023, which to people who know me, is simply unheard of. I’m a big fan of the John Wick films and have plans to go see the 4th one tomorrow. I’ve been waiting a long time to see it, but I just can’t see myself actually going out and seeing it. If you’re aware of the John Wick films, you know that they’re probably the most “foot on the gas” and brutal action films around. Which I feel is going to really freak me out. In my experiences of going to the cinema with anxiety, I’ve never had to leave the cinema. I’m pretty uncomfortable being there but I’ve never had to leave. I think that the main thing is the fear that this thing I love so much is being taken from me, despite me having no evidence to support it. While I’ve been able to push myself to go all the other times, I just can’t see it happening this time. I know it’s a lot of mental gymnastics but if anyone has ANYTHING to tell me at all I’d really appreciate it. +Thanks :)",Going to the cinema,4 +158,"Starts off slow, maybe you don't notice then eventually starts going up and no matter how hard I try to meditate, mindfulness and it slowly goes up until it peaks and I crash down. Then I'm okay for a day, a week, and start climbing again. + + It seems to go up and down and I'm on medication, in therapy, practice mindfullness and it always seems I take a step or 2 forward, then take a step or 2 back. It's so frustrating",The Rollercoaster ride of anxiety.,4 +159,"I don't know why all of a sudden after almost a week of no symptoms, now my body decides to flip the switch and start all over again... + +Yesterday i thought i'm having a heart attack because my left arm was aching all week and then yesterday and even today i had chest pain. + +Now it started that my other arm is aching too and my whole body just feels like i have the flu or something. + +Even my mouth feels spicy and weird... + +I don't know, is this really something anxiety can do? + +I don't feel sick at all, but everything hurts like i'm in full on flu mode. + +Pretty much everyone on my mothers side of the family has rheumatism, maybe it's finaly breaking out for me? + +Has anyone else felt like you usually do when you are just completely flu struck, only that you aren't actually sick? + +Today was the first time i took a magnesium supplement (187 mg) so maybe it has something to do with that?",My whole body is aching like i have the flu,4 +160,"I have heart palpitations that I’ve been to a cardiologist about for years and have always been told they’re just a result of anxiety. I hear of people having heart palpitations during panic attacks or while feeling anxious, but I have them all day everyday no matter how calm or regular the moment is. I suppose underlying anxiety is still there, as I’m a jittery person naturally. But they’re annoying and distracting. I tried a beta blocker but it did absolutely nothing, my cardiologist says anxiety meds might help but I’m nervous to take any pills I don’t have to. + +I heard magnesium helps with heart palpitations but I know nothing about it, how much is good versus bad, what form to take it in, etc… any info is appreciated! + +Anyone alleviate heart palpitations with magnesium? I’d love to hear about your experience.",Magnesium for anxiety-related heart palpitations?,4 +161,"I'm not talking about mania or hypomania here. But in the past I increased my escitalopram dose a few times. I was really ""climbing the ladder"" dose-wise (I think that I had to increase the dose over and over in order to keep the ""happy"" effect going) so I had to quit and come back down to the proper dose. I felt unbelievably great as I increased the dose. I took notes on my experience and I was just saying how great I felt and how I had nice memories of my family and my past...my mood was just great. + +Antidepressants have been in use for a while now so I'm sure there's some wisdom about (1) whether being happy like that is sustainable, (2) whether it's healthy or not, and (3) whether I could've actually ended that phenomenon of chasing the effect up the ""dose ladder"" and gotten the effect to ""stick"". + +Most importantly, when the ""happy"" effect was in place all my ADHD medications were working. This was absolutely life-changing. I can read in my notes that it says over and over ""if I could only maintain this level of healthy brain-functioning and ADHD-medication effectiveness then I would have a great life"". I wonder if there's anything to be learned from this whole experience that I had with the escitalopram and the ADHD medications; maybe the experience can provide a clue as to what to try in order to have a sustainable foundation for my ADHD medications. + +I do have some anxiety/depression/OCD; I don't think that it's at the clinical level. I mean, I looked up the criteria for OCD and one of them said something about the issues taking up an hour of your time each day, so I'm far from that. And when it comes to depression and anxiety, it's a situation where I have mild issues where you could probably say that it's unhealthy for me to have the negative tilt to my emotions that I have...again it's nothing clinical, though.",Is it bad if your antidepressants makes you feel happy (I'm not talking about dangerous mood elevation)?,4 +162,"I'm on week 2 (upped to 10mg 5 days ago) and I know about the it gets worse before it gets better thing -- but it is biting hard, very hard + +I'm also on lamictal 100mg (2x 50 a day)","Trintellix/vortioxetine for severe anxiety, results?",4 +163,"I know I’ve triggered a reaction from my title. How do you cope? + +I’m nearly 30 and might break up with my partner over this if I can’t control it. I know this might be a fact of my shitty brain but I’m doubt my best to manage it. Does anyone have any suggestions? + + +Edit: +To clarify, my partner is arriving home soon.",Someone is coming home!,4 +164,"I barely get enough sleep, i feel on edge constantly like im gonna have another episode. My breathing has been an issue for days now and i keep having ticks and making humming noises occasionally and when i breathe out. I cant focus properly on anything or distract myself. The physical feeling are so intense I genuinely feel like im dying and cant stop it. I cant stop doing heavy breathing occasionally and my throat feels so strange, like ive had globus sensation before but this feeling is like tenfold, i get a sickly tingling sensation in my stomach and chest and not to mention that its so hard to physically talk, eat and drink when i really want to. Any tiny little thing can trigger me an then i spend hours-days having an attack that leaves me tired and unable to sleep. I take 20mg citalopram every morning an it doesnt seem to be working. Any advice woould be amazing since im up to try anything at this point. I just want the pain to go away.",My anxiety makes me feeling like im dying everyday and its ruining my life. I dont want to die but dont know what to do.,4 +165,"am 33 years old, married, house, full-time job but I miss my parents all the time. I see them once in the evening after work and for dinner on Sunday’s usually but it’s not enough. I literally count the days in between seeing them and miss them so much that I cry. I am sure this is not normal and need some advice.",I miss my parents all the time. Need advice.,4 +166,literally had to get up and leave idek why it’s a thing bc i don’t end up throwing up,anxiety nausea back at it again,4 +167,"Monday I have a panic attack and was diagnosed with GAD. + +I'm only 18 years old and I do stress and I have had anxiety before but not that I've had a full on panic attack I feel like it's taking over my everyday things. + +Last night I had one and this morning when I woke up I almost had one but I managed through it. + +So far I've been outside and that helps me but doesn't make it go away fully. + +I went to eat at a restaurant and right when I walked it I got panicky and couldn't eat my food because I couldn't hold it down and I had to swallow the 2 bites I did take WITH WATER. + +I know this is temporary and I plan to work out and get a therapist and MAYBE take meds but is there anything I can remember to know for next time? + +It hasn't been a full week and I've had 2 panic attack and almost another. + +I'm anxious about being anxious cause that will trigger a possible attack + +Panic attacks make it feel like I'm having a heart attack or anything life threating. + +I should enjoy life but ik this is something that will take some time to deal with. + +My hands shake a little and I still have a fast heart beat even when I don't feel panicky. It also feels like a pit in my stomach is waiting for a thought to pop up for me to panic. + +When waking up today I panicked and walking it off reminded me of Monday when I walking and had the panic attack. + +Anything I should know for next time?",I recently got diagnosed with GAD and need help with how to cope with potential panic attacks,4 +168,If I take .5 mg of lorazepam now will I be good to drink around 9 pm (about 4.5 hours)? In the past I have waited around 24 hours and felt no difference,.5 mg lorazepam and drinking,4 +169,,"Today i was at a neurologist and i told him that i suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and depression. He offered me some kind of injection that was quite expensive and he said that is recommended to be taken 6 times! Any idea what could be inside that needle shot ?",4 +170,"I'm so so tired of morning Anxiety. Every morning I wake up wanting to puke from being anxious. Does anyone have any experience of how to not wake up feeling like you're about to get into a fight? + +Any advice would be most welcome 🙏",Morning Anxiety,4 +171,"(Sorry for the bad english or any grammar mistake :D ) + +I've been dealing with my anxiety since I was 17. Since then, I've been looking for ""triggers"" that makes me feel more anxious. Like a pattern. So I could deal better with it (I dont have any pro help). I've realized that my anxiety gets worse when I have to talk with people. So, I've been trying to better my communication. And Im better, actually. I'm feeling more calm around other people. + +But there is something that it's haunting me since I'm trying to better my anxiety. I realized that there are some people that makes me worse. Sometimes even colleagues. For some reason, when I see them or talk with, I have a bad feeling, a heavy energy, and my anxiety explodes. Because of that, I cant trust on them. And I'm always in the ""alert mode"" when I'm around them. I don't know if this is a problem that my anxiety creates in my mind or if it's something that other people also feels. + +That's why i'm here. I'm trying to understand if the problem is me and my anxiety or them. Anyone feels like this around some people? + +Ps: I cant get away from some of them because of college and my job, unfortunatly :(",Does anyone feel anxiety because of some people?,4 +172," +I still try to do everything even thought I'm dealing with anxiety this month (the feeling of impending doom) and the last step for now is to return to my part time job since I've been on holidays. + +So I would like to hear what stuff were you guys scared of doing but still did it and are proud? (It can literally be anything)🙂",What's your story/experience of successfully getting out of your comfort zone while having anxiety?,4 +173,"**I've had an overwhelming fear of blindness and deafness for years.** + +I developed **tinnitus** when I was in high school, due to exposure to loud music. My tinnitus isn't awful, I'm able to be productive around it. But ever since then, I've been fearful of one day losing all my hearing. + +Also, I've been fearful about blindness, due to a family history of sight issues, **dry eye syndrome**, occasional **eye floaters**, and the fact I often work late nights on my laptop. + +I saw a doctor about the eye floaters, but **was told that those are normal**, and most people get them. + +I'm conflicted because I have a smartphone compulsion, which feeds my fear of visual impairment. + +I just want to know how I can overcome **these fears because they often give me anxiety**, and I almost cried once out of fear my vision was getting cloudy. + +I'm sure it's not the end all be all, but **I fear I won't be able to achieve my dreams (filmmaking) if my sight and hearing are affected.** + +**Would really appreciate any words of encouragement and help. Thank you.**",Overwhelming Fear of Blindness & Deafness. How Can I Overcome?,4 +174,"My anxiety has gotten really bad lately. It has gotten to the point where I'm getting anxiety attacks almost everyday now and I don't know how to make it stop. I can't stop worrying and overthinking. My brain won't shut up. It has been keeping me up at night and I wake up every morning feeling anxious. I've tried meditation, exercising, yoga and I even cut caffeine out of my diet but nothing has worked. I feel so exhausted and defeated. I don't think I can cope with this much longer. I feel like I'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown.",I can't deal with this anymore,4 +175,"I have been volunteering as dog walking which is helping with my anxiety lately. I had anxiety contributed by family and work. + +You can always check ur nearby shelter for dog walking instead of adopting.",Dog walking (animal shelter) anxiety reduction,4 +176,My intrusive thoughts and anxiety have been crazy lately and these concepts have come to mind. I’m petrified I’ll truly lose it one day and be on record as having the worst attack ever known or something. Tell me I’m not alone?,"DAE not only fear their next attack, but fear it will be even worse and/or their worst anxiety attack experienced ever?",4 +177,"Took 50mg of Zoloft for the first time about 40 hours ago, and have been feeling extreme brain fog and derealization yesterday and today, and also I feel extremely fatigued and sleepy. I only took one pill but I was wondering if anyone knows how long would it take for these side effects to disappear?",Zoloft side effects,4 +178,"I have a second date (anxiety is also telling me it’s not a date and that I’m not of interest to anyone other than people that try to take advantage of me.) with someone next week. I am so excited because the first date was a /blast/. My anxiety is telling me to play it cool, and not to look too eager and to only express interest if they express +interest first. + +I would have listened in the past. + +I think it would be in my best interest to tell them I’m looking forward to it because I am. + +So, I am going to tell them that I’m excited to see them next week. Better to be myself and turn-off someone that isn’t interested in my genuine excitement to spend time with them than it is to keep pretending.",My anxiety is telling me not to be honest/vulnerable,4 +179,"I've been trying to answer this question for a while. How do I know what's the cause and what's the effect when it comes to mental state? Am I depressed and suicidal because of how my life turned out to be or am I perceiving life to be more shitty than it is because of underlying mental disorders? + +I have never been to a psychiatrist so I have never been diagnosed, but I've been dealing with OCD since I was 6, I experience a lot of MDD, anxiety, social phobia and ADHD symptoms. I've also been suicidal for more than 6 years at this point. The thing is, most of those things appear so small when put next to 7 figures in the bank account. Most of my issues would immediately disappear. Only then I would be able to do things because I can, not because I have to. I experience what I'd call a ""money induced paralysis"". I talk a bit more explicitly about it in [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/v4qq6k/discussion_lack_of_motivation_induced_by_lack_of/) thread. + +It's very unlikely that I'll ever be financially independent and it's unlikely I'll ever find something interesting enough I'd deem worth pursuing for hours on end(AKA passion). Those realizations alone are enough to make me apathetic, procrastinate on all matters and basically give up on life and wait for the right opportunity to kill myself. I'd rather be dead than live a life I don't consider to be worth the effort. + +I've been thinking about seeing a psychiatrist for the past few months but I have my doubts. I procrastinate on making an appointment because it feels like my problems stem from money, it's not like they'll make me rich over there. In fact I'll lose money. That is enough justification for me not to go. I also can't get myself to schedule other appointments (blood tests, physio, dentist) because if my life will remain the same despite improving in some areas, then why bother? I'll kill myself anyway without winning a lottery or without some magical epiphany occurring in my mind. + +I suspect there could be something wrong with my brain, because plenty of other people have lives objectively worse than me, yet they see survival as something of value in and of itself. That could be the result of them being ignorant, me being ungrateful or my brain being disabled. So, how do I know whether my shitty mental state is caused by my views on life, philosophy, bad attitude, being lazy, ungrateful, spoiled, etc. or by some condition beyond my reach? Or perhaps that's how it's supposed to be, because my conclusions are logical and I just can't ignore them?",How to tell the difference between mental disorders and shit life syndrome?,4 +180,Recently I just stand doing nothing and then my body gives me anxiety? Like... I used to remember things and get anxious but this time even moving my eyes gives me anxiety? Feels like fear of having that feeling causes that feeling. A sudden sharp pain in chest. I dont know how to stop this. I get triggered once in a minute and im scared of having heart issues because of this. There is also a mild pain in my chest all the time. It feels so weird to lose control that much lol.,Compulsively giving myself anxiety?,4 +181,I just left my primary doctor and suggested BuSpar due to all the good things I’ve heard on here. Always turn down SSRIs because of sexual side effects and heard this is better. Anyway she told me buspar is effectively just like Xanax? That I can’t take both it’s one or the other? They’re both an “as needed” drug. Is this true? To me Xanax is a bandaid. Long term won’t change and work toward a cause. She made it sound like buspar is effectively the same even though it’s an SNRI not a benzo???,Buspar not for long term result?,4 +182,"For example, is one more likely to experience side effects the higher the dose or the bigger the increase in dose?",Are SSRI side effects dose dependent?,4 +183,"It's not something I wanna do, but I'm made to do it. I had a root canal procedure because of an infection and my dentist recommends I get a crown for further stability. I personally think it's optional at the moment since it's my front tooth and it isn't subject to a lot of pressure. But you know, Asian parents, they're forcing me through it tomorrow. + +I'm so against getting a crown because it involves drilling away healthy tooth structure so that it will fit. It's permanent because tooth enamel can't grow back and so such a procedure I've been constantly anxious about it since the appointment got booked 3 weeks ago. Every day since, I've been dreaded for the day which is tomorrow. Has anyone had similar experiences or currently has a crown in their mouth? I'm worried about many things such as whether it feels like your natural tooth, whether it's the exact same color or a little bit off.",I'm getting very anxious about my dental procedure tomorrow,4 +184,"Hi, I wake up every day with discomfort in my hands, calves and feet. +It is not really pain but it is very unpleasant and difficult to explain. +So I would like to know if anyone has ever had these sensations?",Waking up with a feeling of discomfort in the body,4 +185,the fear of going crazy.. it's here again.. is there anyone else dealing with it?..,again low,4 +186,"My mother doesn't have friends. She said if she won a lot of money it would be easy to 'buy friends'. What do you make of this comment? I wasn't sure what to say - but I kind of relate in the sense that if you find it hard it may feel like an option, although probably a bad one!","""Buy Friends"" comment?",4 +187,"I’m a 25 year old male overall healthy, I have been suffering anxiety and panic attacks for about 6 years now. I got on Prozac about 2 years ago and it’s helped tremendously. I get anxious here and there. I’ve gone to a whole bunch of doctors before the Prozac to all tell me I’m fine. Cardiologist, neurologist , ent etc. the other day I was at the pediatrician for my daughter and I started feeling somewhat antsy and hot and then I started sweating, feeling dizzy, felt short of breath, I thought I would pass out. I freaked out and didn’t calm down until I left about 30 mins later. I’m worried if I have a heart issue or if this just goes back to it being anxiety? I recently did bloodwork 3 weeks ago Everyrhing came out fine except my cholesterol being minor elevated which I’m taking care of already and eating super clean. Let me know what you guys think",Anxiety,4 +188,"Back in January my 3 year old lab mix had what we think was a mild seizure. We took him to the vet the next day. Blood work came back normal so all we can really do is see if it happens again. Thankfully it hasn't happened again but we don't know for sure. + +But I don't want to see it happen again. This dog is my whole world, my best friend. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've always had anxiety but after seeing that happen to him it's gotten worse. I hate seeing him suffer. + +There are days where I don't want to leave the house in case anything happens to him. There are days where I hardly eat or drink anything because I'm so anxious. + +I don't know how to move on. If it happens again I don't know how I will cope. I want my boy to live a long happy life.",Anxiety After Seeing Dog Having Seizure,4 +189,"Hey guys + +I have had some pain and a feeling of weakness in my left arm for a week now that i want to get checked out at a Orthopedist today. + +But when i cane back from a walk i had a sting in my left chest when i breathed in :/ + +Now i'm sitting here and my left chest feels a bit sore and stingy sometimes, and my heart is beating quite fast. + +That coupled with my arm weakness makes me very scared :( + +A heart attack would be more obvious right? + +It would hurt a lot and i probably wouldn't be on reddit right now if i had one right? + +I'm so scared right now i hate it, it's still 7 hours before the Orthopedist opens up :(",A heart attack would be very obvious right?,4 +190,,Having so much anxiety right now,4 +191,"Thinking about taking it for my GAD. I’ve been on Lexapro for 3 years and it’s not working at all unfortunately. + +What are your experiences with Cymbalta if any?",Anyone have any good experiences with Cymbalta?,4 +192,"So I'm 32f and since I was a kid I've struggled with anxiety and sleeping. Afraid of the dark, night terrors, sleep paralysis all that fun stuff. + +My partner, is going away for 2 nights for a work thing. This means I'll be alone in the house. I have never been alone in a house, I've always had house mates or family in the house with me. Any time I was left with a house to myself I would get mates to come over and stay or I would go out. Its only at night when I have to go to bed in the house that I have the issue, I otherwise tend to enjoy being by myself. + +This whole thing is filling me with more and more anxiety. I know i'm building it up alot but its been one childhood fear never managed to sort out. + +I want to get over this, I feel quite pathetic that its causing me so much panic. + +Tools at my disposal: +1 incredibly needy cat that sleeps with me every night. +A tv in my room. + +Hoping for advice and encouragement.",I'm an adult who can not sleep alone.,4 +193,Hello I’m haveing anxiety because my neighbours pour things like pee dog poo etc I can’t put my plants out side cuz water is always falling of their top balcony and on to mines there are really hostile to my then I get racism from them keep in mind I did nothing to them it is like they are heart less and my boys and I are scared cuz they threatened as I call police so much time they do nothing I’m also looking for i new home they do drugs they spat at us when we go out side and they say the reason why water falls from the porch is because the water tank they party ever day it’s really scary In hope I can move to better area I stay strong in front of my boys but i cry in the in side it feels like no cares about us at all it’s more worrying cuz I’m I single mother of 2 and upstairs is all men idk what to and I’m scared for my life and my children life btw I’m in Scotland sorry if I mis spelled some things it cuz I’m shaking.,Neighbours,4 +194,"Hey! I have been taking oxazepam 7,5mg-15mg once per day for my anxiety for the past 2 months. I'm neurotic about getting addicted, eventhough I don't think I have too high risk for that: I have been taking those pills max. 2 days per week and I'm even keeping two weeks pause from using them atm. I try to avoid taking those pills even two days in a row. + +I have them as needed and I was wondering can I continue using them like this or am I going to be addicted? Like if I take 15mg once/two times per week for a month and keep two weeks pauses just to make sure? + +Does anybody here use these pills as needed and how often do you take them? They really help with my anxiety but I want to respect that medicine so I try to take them only when my situation is really bad.",Oxazepam?,4 +195,"I know I sound stupid for this i really do and usually I can get myself to think otherwise but… tiktok is always the perfect place to scare you for things. I saw a tiktok about someone with heart failure and i have so many symptoms… I’m always constantly extremely fatigued i get winded from just getting up and walking somewhere, it’s extremely hard for me to work out, when I stand up my heart rate can go from 80 to like 130, i’ve had a cough that i haven’t gotten rid of in almost 3 years. Given I am out of shape from hormonal disruptions but now i’m nervous. I know there are other things that can cause this but now i’m paranoid. Someone help me think rationally about this 🫠😫",someone help me think rationally,4 +196,"In the last week or so, I have been taking small doses(.5/1.0) of Lorazepam(only as needed) prescribed by my doctor for anxiety. + +I have been experiencing some weird effects, which are feelings of weakness, weird random head pressure that will come and go, and weird scalp sensation that come and go and pressure weird dreams, etc... Just was wondering if anyone else has experienced these symptoms or other symptoms when taking or going off of Lorazepam..Like I said, I only take it if I feel extremely anxious. My anxiety has also been really high..Has anyone experienced these symptoms due to anxiety and or effect from Lorazepam/benzos? I plan on asking my doctor, but just wanted to see if others experienced these or other symptoms..Thanks!",Lorazepam side effect/after effect,4 +197,"I’ve (24M) dealt with depression/anxiety for years now. I used to be great with people, make good money, have the nice cars, great girlfriend, supportive parents, friends that I could say looked up to me etc. and then I was diagnosed with depression. Within about a year, I quit my job, lost my girlfriend even though she was great to me, and have yet to keep a stable job for more than a month at a time. + +My depression eventually was ruled to be “treatment resistant” after being on a number of meds and trying many other things. Some would work for a couple months and then I’d fall even further back from where I was. + +But now, after not having worked since early July of 2022, I am dealing with extensive and scary brain fog. I’ve incorporated working out, eating healthier, taking supplements and just trying to live a healthier lifestyle as I figured this was coming from a bad diet my whole life. I also got all blood work done including thyroid, basics, vitamin levels, testosterone etc and everything came back normal other than pretty high cholesterol. Both doctors I’ve seen (general practitioner, psychiatrist) has kinda blown me off when I tell them about the brain fog. Almost like they don’t really know what to say or what the next step should be to ruling out causes. + +I’m so scared as I’m feeling like I’m going crazy or have dementia. My parents are usually very supportive when I’m going through stuff but my mom doesn’t even want to hear me talk about it and my dad isn’t always around as he lives about 45 mins away. I ended up packing some things and driving to his house tonight without saying anything to my mom. I just hate feeling alone and don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m at the end of my road",Nobody takes me seriously,4 +198," ""I don't feel very good, it's like I don't belong in this world (I don't think I ever did). My friends are happy, and I'm always the one who's not really funny and who ruins the mood. So now I try to say as little as possible, people always ask me if I'm okay, if I'm tired, or worse, they say I'm scary. I think I'm just a mistake. People must find me weird or creepy, it's ruining me. A few years ago, my brother committed suicide, I felt very close to him, I think about his death all the time, I wish I could start my life over again and make the right choices (for once). What affects me the most is girls, I think... It's ridiculous, but I would love to have a relationship with a (very) pretty girl. Sometimes I think I've suffered so much that I would at least deserve that. I saw the damage my brother's death caused in my family, now I think if I didn't have a family to make suffer => suicide. My message is so selfish, and I know it. Thank you for reading these few lines..."" + +\-Lust",selfishness,4 +199,"I can't sleep most of the nights, meds didn't help.",Is there any way to sleep better?,4 +200,"Hi, all. I have to give a presentation at work next week (45 minutes long and the CEO will be in attendance). I’m already panicking, as once the anxiety kicks in, I’m certain I’m going to forget everything I’m supposed to say. ( anxiety makes it very difficult for me to focus on anything) Does anyone have any speaking tips that have worked for them in the past? Thanks so much!",Public speaking tips?,4 +201,"It's not about being scared I didn't lock the door or something, I'm just really scared of opening doors the wrong way or turning a key the wrong way in front of people or pushing instead of pulling and viceversa, it's honestly debilitating because i feel like I'm gonna die everytime I have to open a door. I wondered if anyone else has the same problem and how to fix it if possible.",I have really bad door anxiety!,4 +202,,I have never been able to stick to exercise routines because of how anxious moving my body feels sometimes. What are some exercise routines that have worked for you?,4 +203,"I've recently started having really bad separation anxiety with my bsf. (I'm a highschooler) and today is the last day until spring break. Which is 2 weeks. My separation anxiety has been really bad lately with class periods not seeing him and so I'm scared. He's a senior and may 19th, seniors leave early. I have no idea what I'm gonna be able to do and just want to hug him so much right now and be told it'll be alright and I'll see him after 2 weeks but 2 weeks is a living hell and seems to long for me.:(",Separation anxiety w/ my bsf,4 +204,ive been having breathing problems recently and i went to the doctor and they gave me an inhaler. i used it and now im coughing up mucus. im vety anxious right now. is this normal??,inhaler,4 +205,,Feeling cold even in summers. Hand feet always remain cold,4 +206,"I went for a haircut yesterday because my anxiety has been awful. I had a CT scan this week, my OCD returned in full force, my house is a disaster, etc. I just wanted to feel pretty. I went for just a trim and to color my roots so I would have my normal chin length bob that I curl. It’s the best cut I’ve ever had, however, my stylist (and I don’t blame him at all) misunderstood me because I communicated poorly and chopped off all of my hair, and stacked it so I have nothing but layers. To make it worse I’m prematurely gray, I thought it would be nice to blend in my natural gray streak with some color to highlight it but make it look a little more intentional. I now look like I’m a mix between Cruela De Vil and a 60 year old that screams at Target employees. I’m devastated. I’m mourning my hair and embarrassed to leave my home. I don’t even want to go for therapy today. I couldn’t sleep. I know it grows back but to get to the point I want it will take over 6 months. I didn’t want a pixie and my jaw looks cartoonish. I’m not usually concerned how I look but I spent so much time trying to style it to fix it. I tried curling it to no avail. I tried to wet it down and with my natural hair I ended up a poodle. I just want to cry, I want my stomach to stop hurting, I want to sleep and not worry. What can I do?","My hair was cut accidentally way too short and ended up as a Karen cut, I was already anxious but now I can’t leave my house. I need advice",4 +207,"To clarify yes I have an anxiety disorder / panic disorder. I’m on no medications and am healthy and fit. +Been taking a break from everything including the gym because my head just feels so off and in turn makes me uncomfortable to even walk. I just want to lay down in a dark room and be alone. It’s like a small pressure in the head, dissociation (I’m used to having dpdr alot but this feels magnified some), and I panic super easily more than before but I feel it’s due to the discomfort I feel all in my head. It’s like disorienting. There are times it goes away but it’s definitely present mornings into afternoon. It feels unbearable to function and it’s not easy to distract yourself from. When I feel like this I often experience being woken up to light palpitations and a general anxious feel in my body and then my day just feels off after that in this fog.",Not sure if this is brain fog,4 +208,"Had a stressful dream after sleeping only around 3hrs and had a panic attack after, now I’m worried about heart problems etc and am getting the physical symptoms of anxiety. Been a few hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again .",Slept a couple hours and had a panic attack after it now I can’t fall back asleep,4 +209,,Any remedies or natural vitamins that could help with mild anxiety in the morning? I’m not going to take pills anymore. I pretty much have my anxiety under control during the day somewhat but in the morning I’m still struggling. Any suggestions?💕,4 +210,"Its late where I am and I can't sleep and I'm super anxious and was wondering if anyone had time to talk about anything to help calm me down a bit + +(I don't accept chat requests because of weird people in the past and would like to use the comments to talk) + + +Edit: Wanted to write a edit thanking all the people who helped me last night I didn't sleep but you all made me feel calmer it means a lot to have support and people to talk to ",Need someone to talk too,4 +211,"I know my anxiety triggers are these. Pretty much everything else will not do anything to me. + + +* Biggest one right now are doctors, medical. Get really anxious, blood pressure and BPM go up. +* Next in line is testing... I don't take tests now, but I get really anxious. I stare around, sweat a little. And then when the test is over, nothing. +* It is hit or miss, but if I have a presentation or in front of people, get real nervous. Remember bombing for one performance where I just stood there... one time. +* Get nervous around attractive people for some reason. Yea. + + +... It is interesting... but these don't normal trigger. + + +* I am fine in crowds or social situations. Maybe I have trained myself to avoid the triggers +* Stressful work situations, I usually handle these ok, interviews? Etc + +Anyways, I wish I could tackle those above.. and I would be good. But I have found nothing...",What are your triggers?,4 +212,I recently met this person and we have alot of common interests but i dont know if tht person likes me back. Its killing me inside and i really want to express my feelings but im scared tht i might lose a friend. This person is all i can think about this past week and even appears in my dreams.,I love someone i met very recently is it bad ?,4 +213,"The moment I step outside, I become too aware of the way I walk, the way my arms are moving when I walk, where my eyes are looking at, how I'm blinking, my jaw position, my neck position, my posture. Basically the way I'm looking to another person (I try to picture myself how I might be looking and whether it's not wierd). Sometimes I record myself with a phone to see what's the oddity with my behaviour. + +The reason this has developed is because from class 5-6 I realised there was something wrong... People would keep a stare once they got a glance of me. I realise, in retrospect, that's because I looked like a girl even though I'm a boy. Perhaps some hormones got messed up and I got some feminine features like long eye lashes, girly lips, girl type face, curved hip, short height. + +Btw I'm 27M unmarried. 7 months on antidepressants and anxiety meds. I would say definitely helping me find the light. One day I'll make it.",Perhaps the battle with my extreme self consciousness will only end when I end,4 +214,"Hi people, + +I found out that I get depressed and anxious when I am by myself. + +I need some advice on how to change this feeling without depending on other people. + +Do you find it comfortable or anxious being by yourself?",Being alone gives me great anxiety,4 +215,"Like, when I'm hanging out with the others they are distracting me from my anxiety. When I'm alone I just can't focus, I know it's coming and can't stop it. + +Today I wanted to work on my computer project. After half an hour of sitting in front of computer my anxiety won and I had to lay down; I'm calming myself until this moment. I really wanted to be productive today...",Does anybody else has worse anxiety alone than around other people?,4 +216,While back ago I started experiencing severe panic attacks. So severe my heart rate would be 160-180. I completely stopped sleeping. Even when I tried to focus on sleep I’d only nap for 20-30 mins a day. I stopped eating and drinking water to the point where my kidneys and liver were severely dry. I lost 25 pounds in just the span of 2 weeks. I started therapy a month ago. Everything has been going well. My only problem is that I’m on lorazepam as needed and sertraline daily. And I’ve let my therapist know that I truly do not want to be on medications. And she’s advised spiritually healing. I’ve been practicing reiki. And just curious if anyone else has resorted to spiritual healing?,Healing my anxiety,4 +217,"I went on a 2 day drinking bender and I'm sobering up. I'm dizzy but I know that's just the alcohol/dehydration. I'm starting to shake, both from detoxing and being tense. + +I feel like I need a hug and to never drink again. Any advice on how to feel better would be greatly appreciated.",So anxious I'm starting to shake,4 +218,"Hello! + +I’ve been dealing with bowel mouvements when facing a stressful event, which is, annoying but I deal with it. I rush to the toilets and I’m good. +I read that during a fight or flight episode, your body wants to removes its wastes. Be it. + +Problem is, a few hours later, I have to deal with severe cramps in my lower abdomen. I do not understand why I get that, and it’s pretty annoying since usually, the stressful events happen mid-day, and I get the cramps from 8pm to 5-6am. I can barely move, even breathing hurts. But I manage to fall asleep either way. + +Yesterday, I had to deal with that /again/, and it was much stronger than usual. I felt like someone was stabbing my lower left area, every 3-4 minutes. + +Anyways, I was wondering if anyone had had that before, what exactly happens inside that causes that, and if there’s anyway to either prevent or help with ot when I have it? +Hot water bottles and massages don’t work. 🥲 + +Thanks!",Colon cramps after diarrhea?,4 +219,"So back in 2017, I’” worked at a restaurant as a dishwasher as my first job. But after the busy season ended I was laid off. Not only that, but was basically laid off with no one even telling me since my boss at the time basically acted like I didn’t exist when I tried contacting them about potentially coming back. For roughly 5 years since, I basically jumped from one seasonal job to another. Then last year, I found myself being rehired in the same position, but this time the place is under new management. And honestly, I’ve loved it. Not only is a job I enjoy with a salary that is better than I would have initially expected, but it also allowed me to make awesome new friends and get reacquainted with old ones. But since the start of the holiday season, I’ve been off duty so to speak until the dining room opens back up in May. I’ve recently found out in the company group chat that it will open up on Mother’s Day weekend, to which I responded roughly with “awesome. So I guess that will be roughly when I’m coming back?” That was 2 days ago and since then the group chat had been dead silent. I’d assume it was cause everyone was busy and didn’t see, but the chat says that pretty much everyone saw it. And now it’s starting to feel similar to when I got laid off when I first worked there. And I don’t know why I would be since pretty much everyone has said how awesome I am for how hard I work and how good I am at my job. So, considering that, I may not have anything to worry about. But the fact that everyone saw that specific message yet didn’t say anything in response feels suspicious at the very least. What should I do? Do I have reason to worry or am I just worrying too much about nothing?",Something familiar started popping up in regards to work and it’s got me worried,4 +220,"This is something i have noticed on the T and as much as i am grateful for it, the imposter in me is asking questions. + +Today is my “lets be anxious about absolutely everything” day. So, we are on the subway and no one sat beside me. Like i said. Super grateful cuz i hate people in my ‘safe space’ but i also am offended that no one sat beside me? Like what kinda hypocrisy is this. Is it the same for everyone? Ugh idk.",Is it me or is it the T?,4 +221,I (F18) have been given the diagnosis of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and it has taken an extraordinary toll on my physical health. I am in a constant state of fight or flight and I’ve never been in this much pain in my life. It’s the kind of pain people kill themselves from. I am constantly shaking and throwing up. This constant stress has given me the diagnosis of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I had to go to multiple doctors as IBS is hard to diagnose. The stomach pain triggers the anxiety and the anxiety triggers the stomach pain so basically I’m constantly in both mental and physical pain. However I believe it goes deeper than GAD. It doesn’t stop. It’s not attacks either it doesn’t come or go.. it stays. I’ve taken benzos and they don’t do shit for me and neither does any depression or anxiety medications. I wish I could be sedated so I don’t have to be awake and in pain. There have been a few incidents where I had to go to the hospital and beg to be sedated or at least booty juiced or something that would put me to sleep. Luckily I found lamictal and it has saved my life. I honestly don’t think I would be alive today if it hadn’t been for modern medicine. But this still raises the question of what is actually wrong with me. I’m thinking of this because my lamictal is beginning to lose its effect and I have to increase my dose every couple of weeks. I couldn’t get a therapy appointment scheduled until late June so I’m kinda fucked.,Looking for perspective,4 +222,"I really don’t like driving and honestly i really don’t need to drive either at the moment. I have had lessons in an manual this recently switched to automatic. I not a great driver either, I get too close to the pavement and don’t like going fast. When its focusing on parking I’m less stressed out, as it’s an empty car park. + +I guess I don’t like having to concentrate and although there is less to concentrate on with an automatic I still don’t like it. When I’m a passenger unless it’s like a short trip I’m asleep or if it’s short I am looking around or checking my phone. + +Went on much faster roads and lots of roundabouts, accidental knocked a curb and someone on a roundabout in the left lane decided to give way to a truck waiting on the left while I was also on the roundabout in the right lane. + +Been having like 1.5 hour lessons and although I make sure that I don’t have much to drink before hand and go to the bathroom twice before my lesson. There is always anxiety and I’m either running from the car or very unfortunately last week was at the lights and far from being able to leave the car and I’m still mortified. And canceled by next lesson and wanting them to just keep the money for the one other lesson I prepaid for. I just really don’t want to see the instructor ever again. + +If it were up to me I wouldn’t continue driving lessons because I don’t like it and I don’t need to. I am very happy walking or getting the bus. But my parents don’t understand that I really don’t want to drive.",Driving lessons,4 +223,"I need to premise this with saying that I recognise that I drink as it is the only time I don't feel anxious anymore, and it's a vicious cycle. And so, please, telling me that stopping drinking is an obvious step I am taking now and it certainly doesn't help to say this to me now. + +Recently, I have been feeling increasingly anxious and paranoid after drinking about things I may have done or said during the night. This is obviously even worse if there are moments of the night I don't remember or if I blackout. + +After a recent night out, I dont remember going back home from the club with some colleagues who I am semi close with (im new to the job). There is basically a 200meter walk home that I dont remember. I asked, and I was told by them that I was very drunk and was vomiting, but other than that it was a great night and we should do it again. + +However, I am absolutely convinced that I said or did something bad that night. Just like I'm always convinced I did something bad the previous time. That I maybe told them I want to rape/hurt/abuse someone, or that I was racist towards someone, or that I said a secret. And even if they said that it was absolutely fine, I'm convinced that they are hiding something from me, that they are waiting for the perfect moment to expose me. That they are all laughing/talking behind my back. I feel like I ruminate over scenarios I may not remember or know even happen, so much, that memories almost build themselves in my head and from moment to moment a memory is more and more vivid. + +This is not a new thing in my life, I wake up terrified of checking my phone for embarrassing or illegal things I may have done, if there's a murder in the news I check the location to ensure there was no chance it could be me. + +The same happens in my sober life. I convince myself that someone is angry at me so I will spend literal hours looking over a phone chat between us. Thoughts or worries plant themselves in my head and I cannot let them go. One day I raped someone, the next I have cancer. One day I pissed someone off, the next day the past is coming to get me. I'm terrified of getting out of bed as something will trigger panic. + +If someone can relate to this then I virtually plead for a comment or chat. I feel like I am losing control of my thoughts and emotions and this goes for sober life as much as when I drink.",Can someone relate to this or have I broken myself?,4 +224,i recently woke up from a really bad high and i am absolutely riddled with anxiety. i’ve got high quite a few times before and have never had a reaction this bad. i’m fortunate i was in a safe environment with people i trusted. now this morning i don’t even want to get out of bed and i am full of so much regret for how i spent my night. i’ve actually made amazing progress with my anxiety and haven’t been at this level for so long. i don’t want this hiccup to undermine my progress but i truly feel horrible. anyone experienced anything similar?,weed anxiety,4 +225,"how do your therapists react when you tell them you consume cannabis? I’ve gotten everything from the non-judgmental “does that help?” to a full on rant about how drugs can cause more anxiety/depression and please let us know if you’re on other drugs… I wonder if they’re giving the same rant for people who drink multiple times a werk. + +I think my main regret with bringing it up is I feel like therapists don’t see me as reliable anymore. which is really funny because I consume a very small amount of edibles about two-three times a mo. and i don’t drink alcohol or use any other substances. but I can see it on their face that they don’t believe me. it seems like a catch 22. does it even help to be honest?",talking weed use with therapist,4 +226,"I dont know if this goes here, im sorry in advance. + +Every time i open tiktok, theres this tarot lady giving her readings. At first i was like, ok... Maybe its some random thing, but lately this tarot stuff is appearing everywhere on my fyp. + +I have relationship anxiety and general anxiety too (im working on it), and i have a bf. +The thing is, all this tarot readings are, since day one i downloaded the app, saying that my bf doesnt love me or that he's gonna break up with me. I know its not true but they still manage to put me in a anxious state. + +Literally, a couple of mins ago a video of those appeared and well, it gave me a panic attack. + +I dont know what to do anymore, blocking that kind of content is no use and deleting the app isnt a solution too. I've tried it before but those videos start appearing on my instagram and facebook. + +Does anyone have advice? Please.",Tiktok makes me have panic attacks,4 +227,I feel so anxious throughout the day and night. Then going sleep have insomnia. Then start hypnic jerking as I'm abouts to go sleep and gasp for a breath whilst I get some anxious panic sensation. I really hate having anxiety and stress. I also feel dizzy and lightheaded throughout the day. Heart palpitations always on 1 aswell.,Anyone have chronic anxiety 24/7,4 +228,Is anyone so anxious all of the time they throw up every day? It’s been really bad for me the past few weeks with throwing up in the mornings but I honestly feel like I could wretch at any given moment. Has anything helped with this?,Throwing up,4 +229,"I used to not play games with voice chat and I'd be fine, but recently I've been playing with voice chat. I notice my friends never seem affected by toxicity, but no matter how much people are toxic to me I just don't get used to it. Even when I'm not mad and just joking, my eyes water up, I'm flustered, and my breath is shaky. I have social anxiety but I never got bothered online about it, usually just in person and on the phone. Anyone else affected by this?",Can't talk to people on games,4 +230,"Have chronic vision issues such as extreme light sensitivity, and visual snow. Also chronic fatigue. I can work and workout but always just tired. + +Has anyone had this and found treatments to successfully heal the brain/body?","Vision, fatigue?",4 +231,Hi beautiful people. I have pretty bad PTSD with life long anxiety and panic attacks. It is really bad lately and I’m considering medication. I’m a very happy person naturally and have never been bored a day in my life but the flip side of that is feeling EVERYTHING. Hoping you guys can help me. I was on Lexapro a few years ago for one year. I lost my zest for life but it absolutely saved me during a very hard time. I gained a bunch of weight which was not good because I struggle hard with my weight to begin with. Is anyone on something that did not cause them to gain weight but did work? Im just sick of being in constant fear. I quit caffeine and that helped but lately everything is causing me to panic. Please help if you have any experience with meds. Thank you so much!,Meds Help?! 💔,4 +232,"please i need someone to talk too, im all alone, having a rly bad anxiety attack. i just started dissociating and idk what else to do other than talk to someone, i feel so alone rn",i rly need help rn,4 +233,"Past few days, I’ve woken up in the night with my hands tingly and asleep, where I have had to shake my fingers to wake them up. And if I try to fall asleep, I can feel light tingles in my hands. It hasn’t been throughout the day, at least not that I have noticed, but I was wondering if anyone else has had symptoms like this?",Hands falling asleep.,4 +234,Over at /r/OfflineDay we go 24 hours without screens or social media once a month and our next event is 7-8 April. We would love for you to join us if you feel like screens has taken a hold of your life or you just want to escape from our modern world for a day and Reconnect with yourself.,Unplug with us during OfflineDay (Mod approved),4 +235,"I am in the process of buying a house and I need a verification of employment from a former job I had a couple years ago, but my crippling anxiety is through the roof thinking about asking for that. I don’t want to have to talk to them.",Crippling,4 +236,"I know that sounds like a really dumb and childish question. + + I have a crush on a girl. My brother is friend's with her brother. My brother and her are also friends and seem to talk often. + +She had a crush on and liked my brother at some point, maybe she still does, I have no idea. + +Sadly, we never really talk or anything, especially outside of social gatherings where the whole ""group"" is already hanging out. I spoke directly to her, and vice versa a handful of times yesterday while we were all hanging out. + +It was kind of me just speaking for the sake of speaking, I didn't go out of my way to do it too much though because I was very anxious, nervous, and insecure around her. + +Anyway, we've never interacted on social media, and she hasn't followed me or anything even though she probably knows that I have some social media accounts, for example, on Twitter she has most likely seen me reply to my brother's tweets. + +Am I just being childish and over-analyzing social media? + +I'm afraid she thinks I dislike her, and or dislikes me. + +She probably thinks I'm weird anyway. I don't think she would like me or find me attractive in any way. I think she can tell I'm ambitionless and socially awkward and maybe mentally a little odd.","It sounds dumb, and I'll add more context in the post, but if a girl doesn't follow me on social media, is that a sign she dislikes me?",4 +237,"I am not going back to high school and will probably do a TAFE course (I don’t need people telling me to go back to highschool) its different in my country (Australia). + +Just looking for people who suffered from anxiety, agoraphobia. it kind of feels like I just got spat out into the world, im being supported by my parents as of now and probably for a few more years but just so incredibly stressed because I am having a really hard time getting out of the house and dealing with my mental health (I have a therapist, do ACT therapy, meditate) just really worried that I am going to fuck things up and become addicted to drugs on the street, at least I will be out of the house 😭","I am 18 Just looking for people who suffered from anxiety, agoraphobia. it kind of feels like I just got spat out into the world. I left highschool partly due to mental health problems and wanting to move on to other things.",4 +238,My attention is split between the task im doing and the result of the task and its making me worse at everything and im sabotaging myself.,I can't focus,4 +239,I’m tired of the anxiety and feeling nauseous or just unwell to the point where i start to tremble. I just want a friend honestly 😪,"I’m tired of this, anyone that can chat with me?",4 +240,I don’t even know why I won’t take their advice. I guess I’m just too stubborn.,"Is it bad that people give me advice so I can try to get over my ex, but I don’t seem to take any of their advice out of fear?",4 +241,"Hello. So it’s been a while since I posted on here. +It’s been a while since I’ve been able to get my meds. A mixture of Not being able to see my doctor/ refills being denied because I need to see him for a checkup. + +I have a weird work schedule and his appointments are on days where I can’t make it (I work mid shift, 5 days a week). I got an appointment with him but it’s not till April 11. + +I’m kind of struggling. Mainly I’m at work and if feels like I’m There but I’m not there. I’m on edge from the stress of work and school and every few minutes I feel like crying and screaming at people because recently, I feel like people are acting stupid for no reason. It’s just little things that are annoying me and It’s just so stressful. + +What can I do to make it until April 11? I’m not in a crisis or anything but I just need advice, if that’s alright? + +Edit: My medications are WellbutrinXL and Duloxetine. I haven’t had these since February 20th? That’s when I ran out, and I’ve been taking these since July of 2022.","Might take a while to get my meds, what can I do?",4 +242,I want to go home back to my parents house. I don't know how to be an adult with all my problems. I'm too anxious and depressed to face the world. But my mom doesn't quite understand. I still want to go home. I don't like being alone all the time. It's scary here by myself.,I can't handle living on my own,4 +243,"I’ve been wanting to try anxiety medicine for a while now because it’s just getting to be too much, my new NP was so nice and explained my concerns to me, she prescribed me citalopram 20mg 1 per day, and then an additional as needed (for more stressful days she described) hydroxyzine pamoate 25mg, waiting on the prescriptions to be filled but wondering if anyway has taken these are their experiences with them? I’ve never been on medicine before but I’m excited for help :)",I just got prescribed medicine,4 +244,"This sucks so much. Lately I need such a small trigger. So insignificant that I might now even notice it but turns out I did cause then suddenly I can’t breathe and start feeling dizzy and then the palpitations start. At this point deep breaths don’t seem to help. Overwhelming guilt over absolutely nothing consumes me. I hate, hate living like this.",I need such a small trigger and all hell breaks loose,4 +245,"There’s a lot of people in need here, and I just wanted to start by saying that all of you matter and I hope you can find healing soon<3 + +I’m a college junior majoring in engineering and this semester is by far the hardest. I’ve always dealt with anxiety, but it’s been terrible this semester. I think about freshman and sophmore me and I don’t remember ever being this anxious. I think all the years of stress of engineering school have finally gotten to me. Between internships and summer classes, I haven’t gotten much of a break. Winter breaks do help, but I’ve noticed that the “recharged feeling” I have after has lasted less and less after each one. I know I’m almost to senior year and it’ll get easier, but I’m just really overwhelmed. I shouldn’t be feeling this stressed all the time. Having so much anxiety has made me feel down. Anyone have any encouraging words or tips? Thanks!",Overworked college student,4 +246,"I have been on antidepressants since the age 15. I have severe anxiety that sometimes leads to anxiety attacks. In the past few months…. 1) I hit a deer equaling $4000 worth of damage with a $2000 deductible; 2) I used all my sick days at work; 3) my psychiatrist quit and I wasn’t able to get my Zoloft or adhd meds filled; 4) an electrical panel in my car stopped working; 5) I paid almost $200 for a rental car while mine was in the shop and I couldn’t even use it the first day because it wouldn’t make it up my icy driveway, causing me to be late for work. + +It was that day I decided to go to my usual walk in clinic to see if they could call me in Zoloft because I was having a hard time getting out of bed. See, your body can’t stay in fight or flight mode indefinitely (which is what anxiety is) so eventually it has to shut down (depression). I get there and they tell me I have to have an appointment. That was apparently the straw that broke the camel’s back. I began crying and hyperventilating. It was one of my worst panic attacks ever. Part of me was concerned they were going to have me committed. They were able to call in a 30 day supply and made me a follow up appointment. Which was today. + +And they remembered my scene. So obviously my erratic behavior is because I’m a drug addict. I never once had to take a drug test to get my adhd meds with my old psych. This time they asked me to pee in a cup. I have anxiety so of course my first thought was that they thought I was bonkers the other day, but I had nothing to hide so I obliged. When I got home I got a call saying they couldn’t call in my meds because I tested positive for opiates. Excuse me? That’s IMPOSSIBLE. They said I would need to bring in a prescription to explain the reason I failed. I said I hadn’t taken anything, and that I could now care less about my medicine but this needed fixed to clear my name. They said they could send it off to the lab, and I said YES YOU BETTER DO THAT! Yes, I am still being emotional and irrational at this point. Not because of what they are accusing me but because my seratonin and dopamine receptors DO NOT WORK like they should…which is the reason I was going there for help. Instead, they decide to bring a devastating accusation against a person with emotional dysregulation (ADHD) and anxiety (generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder). It is negligence. What if this behavior caused a person to harm themselves? Do no harm. The way in which they handled this was very harmful. Almost as if they have no training on how to handle delicate individual (which medical personnel should). + +I did some research and guess what….poppy seeds! I just made a batch of lemon poppy muffins the day before yesterday. Surely the lab will be able to differentiate between poppy seeds and an actual drug, right??? It’s a small town and I KNOW they will break patient confidentiality because I’m a teacher…I just know it…I’ve had soMe of their kids in class. Of course they will tell other parents. + +I’m done with my ADHD meds…I refuse to jump through these hoops anymore. And to be treated like a criminal. I’m erratic yes, but not because of drugs. I’m falling apart right now.",Being treated like a drug addict,4 +247,"Hey all. Just reaching out to those who are more knowledgeable then me about this topic. +I am 21 and healthy I workout 5 times a week and I am suffering from terrible anxiety at night. Not really the over thinking and worrying but more so physically. I have chest pain at night and cannot get to sleep most nights. I have trouble winding down to fall asleep. I am making this post because right now I am shaking uncontrollably and I do not feel myself. Like the walls are closing in and I’m gonna die. I am and have been suffering for the last few months. Any idea what I can do about this?",Suffering,4 +248,"Hi everyone. Am so excited to see one of my fave artists in concert this summer. However, because it's all general admission standing tickets, my anxiety has already kicked off on crowd crush fears, fears of feeling claustrophobic, and fears of terrorist attacks. I've only been to one concert before and it was in a huge roomy stadium and I could sit down and knew my escape routes lol. I'd just love to hear any stories of if anyone else has felt this way and how you dealt. Thank you xxx",Can I get some reassurance on attending a concert?,4 +249,"I’m a 23 yo female who has been through the ringer the past few months. Started with anxiety based on some life circumstances and changes but quickly progressed into anxiety and depression. Living with my fantastic boyfriend but I’m currently unemployed and this is my biggest struggle right now. I just started w a new therapist and upped my meds. however, my thoughts are bad and I’m scared I’m getting to the point of no return + +The problem is I will rot living w my boyfriend right now, I’m doing nothing but waiting for him to get home. He’s doing his absolute very best and I’m so thankful for him and all he’s done for me. We aren’t breaking up and we have talked it through and both understand that moving back in w my parents is probably a good thing, as I will be able to focus on myself and my mom is a fantastic support system and is no stranger to depression/anxiety. My goal is to heal and find myself. With hopes of coming back when I get myself through this storm. + +Anyone else have to do this or something similar? It’s a very trying time for me and I know that by doing this I will have to take responsibility for my issues with my mom pushing me through it.",Moving back in w my parents at 23,4 +250,"I (16M) am terrified of gym class. I just found out that I am forced to take it next year inorder to pass grade 12. Im scared of getting hit by the balls flying around. When ever im on a team, we always loose because I cant do anything, which makes everyone hate me. + +Im also terrified of the changing rooms. I cant even take off my shirt in front of other people, let alone my pants. I dont even like going to school with a shirt on, I have to wear a hoodie. + +Someone please help me.",I cant participate in gym.,4 +251,"I am absolutely taken aback of how bad the xenphobia and racism is in the hearing. The congressmem and women are treating the CEO like a literal child. Speaking to him in such an insulting, rude, and hostile way. + +My stomach twists and turns with so much anxiety, acknowledging how bad..bad these higherups are. Care for the children they say, yeah..idk about that..seems like other social medias aren't getting as much heat. + +I feel sick to my stomach. I can't imagine being humiliated and disrespected like that because of my race and my successful business. Be successful but never more than *them* because then they can't control over you.",The whole congressional hearing about Tiktok is making my stomach churn,4 +252,"Hi all, + +I never struggled with anxiety like this before, when suddenly I had a panic attack for the first time last month - I felt suddenly extremely uncomfortable and ""trapped/unsafe"" in the minutes leading up to it but the whole time I was still thinking rationally. But the physical symptoms were definitely there and since then I've been having these mini bouts of extremely rapid hyperventilation just randomly through the day and tightness/pain in the chest/stomach. + +These originally happened whenever I thought any remotely negative thought at all, but now they're just popping up at random times. Currently I'm sat here with my stomach in knots and feeling like I'm about to cry for absolutely no reason at all. I wouldn't say I'm very worried about anything in particular (just the normal things I've been a little stressed about my whole life, like school) but it's getting really annoying to have these small (or on occasion, full-blown) anxiety attacks nearly every day. + +Again, this is all completely new to me. I'm prone to overstressing or worrying at times but these symptoms don't seem to be completely related to that since they come on so randomly and I feel like they would have popped up sooner during more stressful times in my life? If anyone has any insight it would be much appreciated, because it's getting really freaking annoying and interfering with my schoolwork and personal relationships. At this point would something like therapy even help me if it's so primarily physical? What do I do??? Thank you!",Very sudden onset of physical anxiety symptoms?,4 +253,"i went to the psychiatrist yesterday which i’d been looking forward to bc my anxiety has been so bad lately that the second i get out of school i’m already anxious to go back the next day, or all weekend i’m anxious. and when i’m at school i’m feeling the most gut wrenching anxiety i’ve felt in my entire life. also i throw up when i’m anxious. so every day i throw up, usually at school. teachers are sick of me missing and needing to sit somewhere to relax. i told my psychiatrist, who acts confused every time she sees me and i’ve only seen her treat 5 year olds, that i will die if i do not start feeling better. because it has led me to feeling pretty hopeless and it often is so bad that it does feel like i’m dying. she just increased the amount of my medicine i’m already on (that’s obviously not working) for the 279037th time even though i told her i wanted to try something else or get something fast acting. she just said she wouldn’t give me anything fast acting because i’m young. i’m so tired of living like this. what can i do? i’m in therapy 10 hours a week for this and other reasons but i need something to hold me up until i can get through the day completely on what i’m learning in therapy.",psychiatrist won’t do anything,4 +254,I normally had night sweats. I’ll wake up sudden with major urgency. I find myself feeling like I woke up late but I really wake up the same time everyday that leads to productivity. First thoughts are financial stresses and that usually dictates my day. I try to keep my mind busy or have a morning routine to stop it from happen but I feel like I’m ignoring the problem? What should I do next to help with morning anxiety?,My anxiety wakes me up,4 +255,"Hey loves, hope you guys are doing okay! I made a google classroom if anyone needs anything like breathing videos, inspirational comments, daily check-in quizzes! <3 class code is **qa62sk7 have a good night yall!**",Hi yall!,4 +256," +I have HA and one of my worst fears came true. My bf found out he has a rare genetic disorder that has a 50% chance to be inherited. + +We're commited and planning kids in the future. I freak out over a fuckin cough and this is driving me crazy. + +For me, the worst part is that my boyfriend is an absolute flegmatic and works on ""don't think about what you can't solve"" approach. I almost broke down when he brought the results home and he was just like... ""We'll see what to do when it happens, it's not like there's something we can do about it"" and then I saw in the report that they offered him an assisted reproduction option when we'll want kids and asked him if he'll want to go down that route and he said ""Dunno"" and it was obvious that he's not too excited about it"". But, like, how can you even THINK about risking 50% chance of it being inherited by our child??? It drives me absolutely bonkers. Why would you even be willing to RISK it when there is way safe option that is not that natural but would ensure that we'll have a thriving, healthy baby? And especially when the other alternative is pretty miserable, both physically and mentally? + +We've been together for years and at this point I know him. I know he only seems to not care because he has a hard time explaining and showing his emotions. I also know I am being terribly, terribly unfair towards him for feeling frustrated at him. He just found out something so crucial! He needs time and space to deal with it and he needs my support. Instead I am the one demanding emotional support from him (I am demanding it only here don't worry, I don't plan to freak out on him while he's going through this). I don't understand why I am being so selfish when usually I put others first automatically. + +But most stress inducing thing about it is, he mentioned some of my health issues to the genetic center and now they want to see me too because they have ""a small suspicion"" that there might be something from my side too. Of course, I googled the signs of what he has and, well, I am not surprised they want to see me, I check all the boxes, even skeletal malformation. + +What's keeping me sane is the knowledge that the disorder is incredibly rare and that neither of my siblings show any (obvious) signs of it. That in itself should logically be enough to reassure me that I am FINE, but my brain refuses to accept it. I feel like someone took me, stuffed me into a washing machine and turned on a turbo wash. And I want to scream. + +AAAAAAAAAA + +Whew, thanks you for letting me get it all out. I really need to find therapist again, and my man is coming with me this time. + +Anyone has any experience with micro deletions in their family? Or has anyone gone through anything similar? How did you manage to calm yourself down while waiting for the doctors to set up the appointment/run the tests? I heard it can take half a year to get an appointment, and then half a year till they tell you your test results. How did you survive for this long with this uncertainty?",I have health anxiety and one of my worst fears came true. My bf found out he has a rare genetic disorder that has a 50% chance to be hereditary. Where to go from there without going too crazy?,4 +257,"Preface: +23 y.o. male at time of accident + +NYE 2012. I smoked a blunt for the first time, and (the equivalent of) overdosed. Legs felt weak, had to sit down. + +I smoked it in at the bottom of my road, so I sat down on a neighbour so outside wall (roughly 4ft high). Next thing I knew I woke up on the pavement looking up. I later found out from friends that were with me that I had fallen head first onto the concrete sidewalk, from about 4 ft high. I am 99.999999% I had a concussion. + +Anyway, next day, all was fine - no anxiety. Obvious scars and bloody face but nothing else. + +About two weeks later, I decide to play soccer with friends. The ball hit the back of head from behind. I immediately fell to my knees, and from what I remember, was dizzy etc. then it kind of just went. + +15 mins later, we left and had a short walk to the local restaurant. Half way there, I had immense lain in my stomach and groin area. I fell to my knees again on the sidewalk near the restaurant. I then managed to walk to the restaurant and immediately went into the toilet. + +I felt sick, anxious, weird, nauseous, etc. then, cur my first panic attack. + +Even since then, a whole 12 years, I had had Generalized Anxiety Disorder (diagnosed 2013). + +How does that even happen? I don’t understand how hitting my head would cause that? Did I accidentally damage my amygdala/hippocampus when falling? + +Thanks.",Can having a concussion cause severe GAD?,4 +258,"Hello. + +For about a year, I've been having these obsessive thoughts about the past, all the ways I've messed up and things I did wrong. It's kinda ridiculous; I worry about things that happened 10 od so years ago, and I was just a kid back then, only about 12. I think about newer things too, but especially back then, I was cringy and mean to others for no reason (I didn't like the band that they did. I never bullied them, but I would kinda laugh at them and point out that they're being pandered to. Now I would just turn away and ignore them, I don't know what was up with me back then. To my defense I was almost always the youngest of the group, surrounded by people who were 14-16, from both sides). + +I feel like I'm a terrible human being and that I will be punished for them any day now; I don't know how exactly, by some external force that will come from outside of my home. I'm afraid that people who know me now and are my friends or people I'll meet in the future will judge me so hard and turn away from me. I've deleted every old social media account I could remember, I still make sure that my old emails are active so that I could delete any more if I'll remember. I'm on pretty heavy medications (antidepressants, three doses of synthetic pregabalin and an antipsychotic to quell my anxiety further), and I can function well, but these thoughts still come to me randomly and make me anxious. + +I don't know what to do anymore; My biggest wish is to just move on from that period of my life and close this chapter. On one hand, if someone came to me with thoughts like these, I would tell them that it was so long ago, and they have likely very little to do with the person they were at 13; Besides, everyone was a bit of a little shit at that age. But for some reason, when it comes to me, I just can't free myself; When I get scared, I feel like an ensnared wikd animal, only the snare is just in my head. + +Did any of you struggle with something like this? What should I do?",Obsessive thoughts about the past,4 +259,Is this normal? Tbh I’m not a big drinker and I drank two beers tonight cut to hours later before I go to bed I get a major stomach ache and anxiety. Why does this happen to me :(,Anxiety only after 2 beers,4 +260,"So I just spent a bunch of money on video games (the online store for the Nintendo 3DS and WiiU is closing soon and I wanted to get a bunch of games before they’re gone forever). I could afford this purchase and I still have plenty of money in my bank account, but I can’t shake this feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach. It’s like there’s this voice in the back of my head calling me an idiot for spending so much money on video games when I could be saving it for emergencies. It’s not just with big purchases either, I still get this feeling whenever I buy a $10 lunch too. + +I think this whole thing started when I was around 5. I was at the store with my parents and I wanted to buy a toy, but my mom said something about how we didn’t have the money for toys. I, being the stupid kid that I was, interpreted this as “we don’t have a lot of money” and that the family was one bad financial decision away from poverty. Of course this was not the case but that didn’t stop me from feeling guilty about making my parents spend money on me.and that guilt has followed me even now when I’m making my own money. + +So am I crazy for feeling this way? What are some steps I can take to get rid of this guilt?",I have anxiety about spending money.,4 +261,"I’ve been a health freak for as long as I can remember but in the last year or so it’s dictated my eating habits so severely. If I eat anything that I’ve decided is “unhealthy” I get such bad anxiety, I feel as if I am poisoning myself, and figuring out what I can buy at grocery stores is so draining, every store trip is like running through an obstacle course. It’s getting really bad again, and I spiraled today after falling into a rabbit hole on how most of our food has heavy metals in it, most notably spices, herbs, chocolate, and root vegetables. After a massive crying fit, I threw out my cocoa powder and am currently wondering what to do with all of the grains, vegetables, spices, and herbs I have because I don’t see any of it as edible anymore. I don’t know what I can eat now. I’m so sick of food being like poison to me. I envy the people that can just eat and barely think about what it might be doing to their bodies.",Food induced anxiety is a special kind of hell,4 +262,"Does anybody else have this? Some days I can feel relaxed, loose and chilled, and on other days my body feels hot and sweaty with a strong heartbeat and no matter how much I try to wait it out the sensation doesn't pass. Normal?",Random dehydrated feeling some days,4 +263,Feeling like a brainless idiot who’s going nowhere in life,Feeling unloved and depressed,4 +264," +I can’t even do simple tasks in peace. Even if I’m adjusting to sleep and using my phone in bed, my heart feels like it’s about to explode if I don’t take a deep breath in every few seconds because I hold my breath in subconsciously or that’s what my body just does to me at least. And then my heart rate gets up and I feel so uneasy and breathless from literally just lying down using my phone. I hate this shit. I can’t even yawn properly or take a deep breath in, it always gets cut off and I’m left feeling like I’m about to suffocate.",Does anyone subconsciously hold your breath in while you’re doing things like even just laying in bed using your phone?,4 +265,"Can someone give me a reason not to die? If you say something sensible, I will not commit suicide.",i'm tired and i want to die,4 +266,"Before anyone reads, I'm in the middle of an anxiety attack so everything in this post is everywhere and some words may be misspelled. + +I think I know why too because the last time it happened I ate food that caused me to have a previous anxiety attack. + +After I finish this I'm going to get some sleep so I will read any comments and make the necessary corrections to this post in the morning. + +So anyway. I went across the street from work today to get some food from this ""chicken spot"" called Kennedy Chicken, I live in NYC, they're on every corner. + +ALL of their food is super duper unhealthy. It's all deep fried foods. Chicken and mozzarella sticks is what I ate. They even gave me spoiled marinara sauce which I didn't eat because I noticed as soon as I opened the sauce container, the air pressure made the sauce fly everywhere on my hands and there were bubbles in it. I smelled it and it had an obvious spoiled smell to it like fermented tomatoes. 😖 I'm never eating from there again. EVER! And honestly I don't know how they're even still open. + +It has been a while since I ate their food until today. + +I've been trying to eat healthier foods. Even if I have to order out on days I don't pack my lunch at home, I choose a healthier option. + +OR!!.. or.. + +It could be that I haven't been getting enough sleep since Monday. And everytime I feel the palpitations coming on, I always go to sleep and the next morning I feel better. + +I've been to the ER multiple times for palpitations and they tell me it's due to stress and not enough sleep. + +I work a full time job and I used up all my pto so it's difficult for me to take a day or two off for myself. + +*figuratively rips hair out* + +I hate working full time and I think I'm about to make a big sacrifice and go part time. Or maybe I just need to ride it out... I have so many financial issues right now that I can't do this anymore. + +I want to move back home with my family.. but I don't have a car... I don't have money.... I need to buy at least a month's worth of food for 1 person (me) so I don't have to order out. + +I don't have any idea how I've come this far and haven't ended up homeless. + +At this point I'm rambling and I need a hug... but these are things I'm dealing with at the moment. + +That food honestly tasted horrible though. 😕 I'm betting on my palpitations being caused by both lack of sleep and the fast food though. + +I wish there was a way to get my rent lowered so that I can afford to pay all my bills properly... I might talk to my roommate about it and see what she says. + +Okay.. if I have anything else left to talk about I'll make another post. + +Thank you to anyone who decides to read this craziness!",I'm having palpitations right now..,4 +267,"Anything that will alter/change my life in some way gives me anxiety. +Examples +7-years ago my bf(now husband) and I bought a dog. I cried and cried the first night we got him because i was soo scared of having totake care of anything else besides me. A few weeks later, the anxiety disappeared. I absolutely love my dog. +7-years ago i left my first job after being there for 5 years. I cried and cried. Had so much anxiety leading up to the new interview. Had ssoo much anxiety after being told i was hired. I was terrified of failing, not being able to pay my bills. So much so, that i asked for my job back. But was ghosted because they were upset i had quit in the first place. 7 years later still at this (new)job, its consistent, i make money. I feel secure. And glad i left the place prior. +3years ago i got engaged but wasn’t anxious about anything. Because we halted planning a wedding to buy a house +2 years ago my fiancé and i bought a house. It was fun leading up to the week before closing. The day before i was crying, anxious, scared. I felt like iwas making a mistake. What if we lose the house? What if something happens and we cant afford it because we have a mortgage now. I was fine after a couple days. Im sssoo happy in my home. +8 months ago, i got married. For the 3/4 months leading up to the wedding, i had horrible anxiety. Every single night id have lingering anxiety, some nights better than others, but always there. +The week before the wedding i was a mess, scared of being married, scared of the change. But i am ssoo in love with my fiancé, he is my everything. I couldn’t understand the anxiety because i was happy! The day of the wedding i was emotion filled, i couldnt talk to anyone while getting ready, i was a nervous wreck. Once we left the church i felt ssooo different! I was actually FEELING how i felt. Happy, excited, in love. Not anxious. The reception was amazing! Im soo happy! + +Now-im 29, husband is 30. We are talking about kids. I want them, but im sssooo afraid of the anxiety i know ill have. Im scared of the pregnancy, what if i have a difficult time, what if im anxious like i was for the wedding for all 9months? Im soo scared of giving birth, of the potential postpartum depression, me not connecting. Or what if i dont connect with baby? Idk im already anxious thinking about having an approximate date to get off birth control. Im scared. I brought up adoption but i hate the fact that id rather chose adoption JUST because of the anxiety. I know ill deal with it when the time comes closer to adopt. But it wont be 9months. +Why does my body do this to me. I hate my anxiety. +Who else deals with this? How do you overcome?",I hate my anxiety.,4 +268,I have terrible anxiety whenever I have to swallow a pill even if it's small because when I was younger I would always get the pill stuck in my throat. I found out I can trick my anxiety by putting the pill in a small spoon of pudding. I hope to one day be able to swallow pills normally buy for now I've found a good stepping block. I wanted to share just in case anyone else has this issue!,Anxiety swallowing pills,4 +269," + +Hello! I had a really bad insomnia last February which made me sleep every other day for a week. My sleep has been okay since my family doctor presrcibed me Hydroxyzine 10mg for sleep. Although I've been sleeping well, I now have this feat surrounding sleep. Everyday all I think about is sleep, which makes me anxious and unproductive all day. It made me lose interest on the things i used to enjoy. Even before the insomnia, I was really anxious about many things, especially my health. Do you guys think SSRIs will help me? Or i should go with therapy? Thank you!",Will SSRIs help me? (Anxious about sleep),4 +270,"Recently it was seeming like my life was finally getting on track. I had taken control of my addictions, I was being more productive, I was seeing myself changing into a better person. Good things were happening. + +Then out of nowhere everything just came crashing down, like many times before. + +I don't know if people think like me, or that far ahead for that matter, but I don't think I am the only one who fears such an overwhelming anxiety about not achieving whatever it is you want in life. + +I have been feeling like I won't ever be able to achieve even the most basic things that all other humans are able to achieve. I can't explain the reason why I feel this way, but it's basically being anxious that I'm failing at life as a whole and that I'm not taking advantage of the precious time that I have on earth. + +Like I'm just here and wish to stay here, but when do I start ""living""?",Don't know if I'm in the right place for this...,4 +271,i’ve always had anxiety and panic attacks but lately it has been getting worse and i can’t seem to pinpoint why or what is triggering it. on friday last week i had the worst panic attack i’ve ever had while at work and i couldn’t stop crying and shaking for at least 45 mins and today it happened again but for even longer and my boss ended up sending me home since i couldn’t calm down which made me feel really bad as i haven’t worked much this week. at first i thought it might be the sertaline i started taking but i’ve been taking it since new year’s eve and my anxiety is only now starting to get worse,any tips on dealing with anxiety and panic attacks while at work?,4 +272,"This might be a long post so sorry about that but I just want to have all the details. Back in December my now ex girlfriend gave me 2 weed edible gummies that were around a year old (I think) I’m not entirely sure if this is true or not but I think they were each about 50 mg when brand new. This was the first time I’ve done any drugs or anything like that not even weed but I wanted them from her and accepted them with a smile on my face being excited to do them. I then get home and eat them both at once and I’m feeling pretty awesome and happy but can’t really focus on anything and I’m laughing a lot and smiling at everything while on a FaceTime call with some friends. Then I start noticing my heart was beating incredibly fast and strong (at least I think it was) I thought the left side of my chest would explode and started freaking out about that. I ended up freaking out and having a almost full on panic attack and thought I was going to die and forced myself to throw up, then laid in the shower for about 2 hours on the coldest setting not realizing I was shivering and shaking like crazy the entire time I then force myself to sleep and wake up thinking I’m dead and feeling like shit for the next week or so and had weird pains in my chest. I then cut off almost all contact with the girlfriend (thinking back I shouldn’t have done this and I do feel bad I was just so shaken up because of that experience) fast forward to now I am around lots of talk about drugs I always have but about 3 weeks ago when I was going to smoke my fiends cart for the first time, just talking about it gave me these tremors and I was shaking until I calmed down about 10 minutes later but I was talking to him with a smile on my face wanting to hit his cart I wasn’t scared at all I just got these shakes, these jitters in my legs I don’t even understand why their happening when I’m actually in front of or about to do drugs that don’t even scare me just on Wednesday I was going to buy some weed (regular flower) from my other friend and I got the same trembles just texting him and had to play it off with the people next to me saying I’m cold. Basically what I’m asking is what is wrong with me? And how can I overcome these tremors/shakes when around these things this may seem really stupid or not a big deal but I’m not sure what’s causing it please help me thank you.","Trembling when talking about things I’m around, and don’t scare me after having bad experience with weed edibles",4 +273,"I’m a 19f. I’ve been struggling with anxiety since highschool. I was raised to believe medicines for this kind of thing are evil. But I cant live like this anymore. I’m anxious 24/7. It never stops. My panic attacks will last hours sometimes. + +I’m scared of becoming a zombie. I don’t want my good emotions to be taken. I don’t want to derealize and become numb. Idk, I’m scared. Hilariously I’m anxious about it. I was just wondering, will I go numb? What if I’m so numb I don’t even realize it? What if I’m so numb I can’t decide to stop taking it?","Anxiety about taking Zoloft for the first time, can I have some encouragement?",4 +274,"I am currently stressing atm and am at a loss for what to do. Im just sitting and now the left half of my body feels like it’s going numb, I feel like my thoughts are racing and I even have head tightness. Even been having some tingling as well. I am super stressed now and don’t know what to do anymore, for the past few months I managed to return to somewhat being able to do most of the things I used to regularly be able to do before I had my first major panic attack a year and a half ago. After the panic attack 2 days ago I don’t feel the same, idk if this half numb feeling with the tingling and calf pain is because of the effects of anxiety or if it’s anything to do with dp, my mind keeps going blank and I’m at a loss.",Had a massive panic attack 2 days ago and now the my anxiety symptoms are all starting to come back. Idk what to do anymore,4 +275,"At the moment I take hydroxyzine for my panic attacks. It works okay, especially since my main panic attack symptom is nausea, but is there a better alternative? I feel it isn’t working good enough when I need it.",Any alternatives to hydroxyzine?,4 +276,"I'm freaking out 😭😭 we're getting renovations done in our house, and I stupidly walked on the paint tarps with bare feet while carrying my basket of clean sheets/blankets to my room. I was walking all over my room with my bare feet, and then some of my blankets fell out the basket and onto where I walked with my paint feet. So now I'm worried there's paint particles all in my sheets and blankets and I'll go blind 😭 it's midnight and I need to go to bed I can't rewash and dry them right now 😭😭😭",Health Anxiety,4 +277,"Hi, I've recently started medication to help manage my anxiety. While adjusting to the medication, I noticed it helped my society anxiety a lot because I stopped caring. However, the downside is that I started to become very apathetic about everything and lost a lot of motivation to even get out bed/go to class. + +I've recently started a new medication and so far feelings of apathy/lack of productivity have improved, and I can now finish tasks (still not perfect, but I feel like with such a low starting dose it feels back to like how I've felt pre-medication.) The problem is, my social anxiety has gone back up. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to have missed so much class. I tried really hard this week and forced myself to go to classes I've been avoiding, but there is one class that I'm especially having a hard time getting myself to attend. The problem is, the class is very discussion based and we have predetermined groups we work with the entire semester. I'm worried my groupmates will judge me because I haven't been to class in so long, I just want to avoid the awkward confrontation ""Where have you been?"" even though I know it's inevitable. How do I force myself to go to class?",I've missed about 3 weeks of class and I'm too embarrassed to go back-what do I do?,4 +278,"Anyone just feel trapped in a circle of anxiety? Mine is with my heart and taking my blood pressure. Every time I go to the docs my BP shoots up to like 180/90. The docs typically say it’s probably just white coat syndrome when I tell them about my anxiety. They do suggest that I try taking it at home. Buuuuut I know if I take it at home, I’ll already have worked myself into a state of panic—so it’s going to be high. But then I’m worried because I’m not taking it so I’m anxious hahah. What a cluster. Anyone else relate?",Circle of Anxiety,4 +279,"Recently I have been doubting everything, my job, my friendships and heavily doubt my relationship. +Before my anxiety was all consuming my relationship was great but over the last few months it's felt like it has deteriorated. +I can't tell if this is just my anxious brain because I literally doubt everything at the moment or whether this is a sign I should leave. +Does anyone have any experience with this?",Time to leave or anxiety taking over?,4 +280,"I have constant anxiety, every second of every day, and it's been a few years since I've even come close to crying, but my feelings of sadness are nothing compared to my anxious response to wanting to cry. I always get to the verge of letting it all out but then it feels like my stomach implodes with anxiety and I have thoughts about memories I've repressed, which just increases my anxiety even more until I'm stuck in the fetal position. Sometimes I let it pass naturally, sometimes I scream, or punch my stomach. + +I just, I don't know, I feel like I wanna cry forever to let everything out + +Not sure if anyone will see this, but I really appreciate any response",I want to cry but my anxiety is preventing me from crying,4 +281," I’ve begun to realize that throughout the day my anxiety gets worse. I wake up feeling okay, but as I go through my day, something happens where I begin feeling more overwhelmed. Has anyone else noticed this?",Has anyone noticed their anxiety gets worse throughout the day?,4 +282,"Hello, I was wondering what people do to reduce anxiety before work (zoom) meetings. I get so anxious every time. Please be short and sweet and as specific as possible. Like I use the app “calm” for breathing exercises.. + +Journal? +Positive affirmations? +Visualizations? +Breathing exercises?",Anxiety before work (zoom) meetings,4 +283,"I had a tooth removed today and my anxiety is super high. Not sure why..I am taking Advi for pain and Lexapro as normal..I don't like how I feel right now though so keyed up, nausea, etc.",Anxiety AFTER dental work,4 +284,I am struggling with anxiety so much this week. I just need someone who understands to speak to who might be able to help me not feel so alone.,Struggling and could use someone to talk to!,4 +285,I always feel like I have heart issues. I had a echocardiogram stress test done December. I had few troponin done. I had X-ray done I had another ultrasound done and basic blood work done and all this was from December till early February. Everything was fine but I always feel like cause it's been so long that i might have something now. What's with me...,Why do. I always feel like I have a heart issue 🥺,4 +286,I’m a teacher and my anxiety has been awful this year. Any time my class gets noisy or a little excited I start feeling lightheaded and my insides feel weird. It so hard. I was just prescribed bupropion (generic of Wellbutrin) for moderate depression and moderate anxiety. I hope it helps and I don’t end up having to leave my job because the feelings I get are awful.,Anxiety at work,4 +287,"I feel like I’m slipping away. I navigate bad traffic on the way into work where I’m in a hybrid tech support/business analyst role: so primarily I’m listening to and troubleshooting everyone’s troubles through the day. + +The calls sometimes start at 7:00AM and don’t end until after 6:00 other days. And heavy traffic back home. + +Every week this year it seems something around the house is breaking and either needing me to repair it or pay someone to come out. + +After sorting out the to-do list time is passed with my dogs, who I love very much but are extremely pushy and needy some days. + +That goes on until my father-in-law gets home and demands that the dogs get put away, and everything turned off and focus turned to him so he can tell all about whatever’s on his mind — he lives with us. And if I don’t drop everything I have to hear from his family and somehow my family about how I need to stop hurting his feelings. + +Then bed and wake up to start over again. + +I get about an hour a week to just myself. And hour a week to be me. I feel like I’m losing who I am.",Slipping Away,4 +288,"This girl was cool when I first met her. But then she started being really annoying and I didn’t feel like being her friend anymore. I would tell her something she didn’t agree with and then at 1 am she’d send these blocks of texts saying she hated herself and that I was selfish and didn’t really care for her etc. Sometimes I just stop texting my friends for personal reasons and go a few days without replying. This was never a problem for my long-term friends, but apparently it was for her. I had to step on eggshells to talk to her and I didn’t like it. + +if anyone wants more context let me know, but in short I just didn’t want this person in my life anymore. + +I always knew she needed help so that’s why instead of telling her to fuck off like some people suggested I did, I would just let her know when I didn’t like something she said/did but not be mean about it. She would apologize for overreacting, I’d forgive her. But then she would act the same way. Today I told her I was tired of her bs and that she could block me if she wants to, just stop texting me. I blocked her. + +It felt awesome at the moment but now I feel like an asshole. I don’t regret it, but I never said anything similar to anyone. My heart was beating fast the whole time. Should I feel bad for telling the truth? + +This girl has a history of self-harm and overdosing so I’m afraid I’ll be responsible if she ends up doing something to herself. But I couldn’t take this anymore.",Finally told someone I was tired of her bullshit after a couple years and I feel bad,4 +289,"I scheduled an emergency tooth extraction appointment last Saturday with my dentist who I haven't been able to go to in over a year due to lack of insurance/unemployment. My partner went with me as support and also because I can't drive. The dentist receptionist lectured me for not coming in for over a year, for scheduling an emergency extraction on a Saturday afternoon, and then said they wouldn't be able to extract it that day because they ""needed to see if the tooth could be saved"" despite me saying I can't afford any other option like a root canal. They also, despite me putting my preferred name in their site portal when I first started seeing them, keep misgendering and deadnaming me even though I told them last time that I prefer my preferred name and go by he/him (I am a grown ass medically but not surgically transitioned trans man). My partner, who also goes to this dentist but has had only good experiences with them, was apparently disgusted with how the receptionists treated me this time and now refuses to go back to them for their visits. But I paid $100 ahead of time for this tooth extraction tomorrow (because the receptionists basically forced me into it by showing me all the other pricing options without insurance) so I have to go back to them before I can move to a new dentist office. My partner is working tomorrow and can't go with me, so I'm basically dreading having to hear my deadname and being misgendered and lectured and all that bullshit all over again but on my own this time. Like, it's stressing me out to the point of almost crying. I don't usually get this worked up over being misgendered because like, I'm kinda fat and my facial hair is scraggly so I get a lot of misgendering from customers whenever I'm working retail jobs, but something about them *knowing* my preferred name and having been *told* about it before but choosing to ignore it is just... Fucking with me, especially with all the other ways they treated me. FUCK.",Having huge anxiety about my second emergency dentist appointment tomotrow,4 +290,"Corona positive again. Sick the whole week already. Now just had a huge panic attack because of my fever. I’m really afraid of high body temperatures, so I started getting hotter and sweating profusely. Went to the balcony in shorts to cool of while calling 911. + +Incredibly lost control here, especially since I started using SSRIs that sort of work. +Luckily I had some downers that calmed me down. + +Life without this would be so much easier. Now I’m afraid of getting pneumonia from my stunt. + +Anxiety sucks.",Covid second bout anxiety,4 +291,"Has anyone experienced driving anxiety? If so, what helped the most?",Driving Anxiety,4 +292,"I was feeling good today, I got plenty of sleep I went outside enjoyed the sunlight but then the anxiety hit. Unshakable anxiety that just happened for no reason like an impending panic attack why why why. I don’t know why my body does this to me. I feel like the only thing to help me now is medication it just won’t stop.",Feeling happy then it turns into anxiety,4 +293,"My almost 10-year-old is six weeks into Prozac (started at 10 mg and went to 20 mg about 3 weeks ago). We're seeing violent outbursts almost nightly this week (the whole reason we started this was because of these, but they weren't nightly at the time). He'll be fine during the day and then everything goes south when bedtime hits. All the anxieties of the day start invading his thoughts and suddenly he's hitting, pulling hair, kicking, saying he wants to kill us, he wants to die. Full blown anger. I have to hide every single thing in the house that could be used as a weapon. Is this part of the process? My husband and I are trying to be calm and patient and use tools to help calm him down (using your senses, breathing with a stuffed animal on your belly, name it to tame it) but I just can't live like this. All day I dread bedtime and what it's going to bring. The thought of going through all this yet again tomorrow makes me sick. I need to know this will get better and we'll find the best way to help and get to the other side of this. It's so hard.",Tell me it gets better . . .,4 +294,"I don’t really don’t know how to describe this. But I just genuinely have that feeling like on the verge of exploding. Like I’m so exhausted and dissatisfied with my life. And right now I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin like I just don’t even want to be in my body anymore. Just the feelings that arise from not having a support system, experiencing chronic pain, trauma, and not getting what I want in life academically, socially, etc. is just all coming to a head. Life just feels so unfair sometimes. Like I’m having to work twice as hard as other people in my life and I’m just drowning. But when I complain or ask for help, people brush me off or call me over dramatic. Meanwhile everyone is always expecting me to play superhero for them in their own lives. It’s just making feel so wound up and tense. And I don’t really know how else to describe it but I can’t even focus on work right now.",Feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable in my body right now,4 +295," +Every time my friend got depressed, he wouldn't talk to anyone. I was able to help him when I was close, but now he lives much further away from me. His desire not to talk to anyone started to increase in him and it took longer. At first I decided to leave him alone, but that didn't quite work. I try to talk to him, but it doesn't work, he doesn't reply at all unless I insist on my messages, and when I insist he gives a very short answer. I don't know what to do can someone help me please. I'm starting to worry too much about him.",My friend's depression,4 +296,,Anyone else gets stupid thoughts and believes it’s the truth and start having anxiety knowing it’s nothing but at the same time not able to completely convince yourself it’s nothing and then make a whole scenario that it’s a thing even though everyone told you it’s nothing? it’s freakin exhausting…,4 +297,"What helps you stay in the present? All day today my mind has been drifting to anxious thoughts about the future, about bad things that can happen. Idk. I'm just not feeling well today. And it makes me sad because today should have been a good day. I did well at work, in the morning I worked out. It's just now that I'm alone in my thoughts, my mind is wandering to the fears of what lies ahead.",The future,4 +298,"I (23) F have never been pulled over or given a traffic ticket. Ive been having a horrible day so far as my abusive ex has tried reaching out to me this morning and i have just been super anxious and feeling bad about myself so i decided to do some chores and head to the gym. +While driving there i thought i could make this yellow light and ended up running through a red light and a cop was conveniently there to see and pull me over. I was so scared and on the verge of tears the whole interaction and he ended up giving me a ticket. +Instead of going to the gym i just drove home crying thinking of how much of a piece of shit i am and now i’m currently sitting in my driveway crying and overwhelmed. +I just wanted to go and try to make today a good day by going to the gym and cleaning the house and now i feel even more overwhelmed and depressed and anxious and stressed and i just want to crawl into a hole and die right now. +I feel like i can never do anything right and i feel so worthless and horrible. I just want to stop hating myself and my life. I feel so overwhelmed today i feel like im drowning.",Got pulled over by police and got my first ticket,4 +299,"TW: discussion of anxiety symptoms + +Some context: I’ve struggled with anxiety for a few years (but can remember symptoms cropping up at moments throughout my life) - I think it’s GAD as I’m mostly anxious about being anxious at this point. +Does anyone else find it hard to ask for help? when I’m stressed by general life things (job pressures etc), it does cause me to be anxious, but I hate telling people how I feel because I don’t want to burden them or upset them. I also don’t even think of asking for help, until I’m in a bad place and really need it. + +Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome this?",I find it hard to ask for help,4 +300,"I was diagnosed with GAD three years ago, but have declined treatment in the form of long term medicine (probably due to my medical anxiety, go figure). I would describe my attacks as completely random and not stemming from outside situations (typically). For instance, i will be laying in bed watching a funny show and suddenly feel like an elephant is on my chest. +Two weeks ago i found a man hiding under my car in my driveway. I chased him off and called the police. Turns out he crashed his car up the road and was hiding from the police. I was worked up that day and the next, but have been able to feel comfort knowing this wasn’t some weird, targeted attack on me. But a desperate man in desperate times, or however the saying goes lol. +However, my physical symptoms have not left. My chest constantly feels heavy and i cannot get a good breath. I almost have to force myself to yawn to feel like im getting that “deep breath.” It’s affecting my life, mostly limiting my physical movements and causing headaches, assuming from constantly forcing a deep breath. I don’t have a pcp i can call for advice. But I feel like enough is enough and i would like to be able to breathe normally again. My mom has copd so I have a pulse ox around and my oxygen has been consistent at 98/99, so i can (mostly) confidently say this is anxiety. +My issue is, do i call a doctors office and wait weeks to be seen? Or go to an urgent care, pay $150 for them to tell me this is just anxiety? +Ultimately, what are my options here? I just want to feel normal again",Week long attack,4 +301,"I took 20 mg of Lexapro for about a year, then tapered down to 10 mg for 3 months, and 5 mg for 3 months. I stopped taking Lexapro all together about 5 weeks ago. Personally, Lexapro worked great for me and really got me through a tough period in my life. However, I gained about 20-25 lbs throughout the 1.5 years. Has anyone successfully lost the weight after stopping? I gained a decent amount of muscle mass over that period, but would like to lose about 10 lbs of fat. I still feel like my metabolism is relatively high (feel lightheaded/weak with anything under 2300-2500 calories) but none of the weight has come off.",Losing weight after Lexapro,4 +302,"A bit of my background: 30 yrs gay man, startup founder, anxiety related to business and financial situation mainly + +Been having anxiety issue on and off since 2018, been medicated twice (Lexapro), first time 10 months, second time 3 months, just have relapse again since last week, struggling whether I should take treatment again or not. Also feeling a bit upset and annoyed about this relapse, don’t have friends to talk to about these stuff",Relapse - so struggling and unsure about what to do,4 +303,"I just wanted to rant in a sort of way. I just got finished with my spring break. My mom was in hospital the entire time. My dad is due to have a surgery soon. And last semester two of my grandparents passed, one severely declined, and the others house is being sold after we spent about 2 months cleaning it and renovating it. I just don't feel like doing anything and my anxiety is such that my chest hurts and my body aches. So much has happened and I am trying so hard but it feels like my brain is my own worst enemy right now. I just want peace. I just want silence. I just want to sleep and not get up. I don't know how to help myself anymore. I am primary caretaker for my parents now and I am terrified. Any advice is nice. I am in college and work. I'm F22 and seeing the counselor at my college. It's just a lot at once and am struggling to even break the surface.","I don't expect anyone to look at this soon, but it's always nice to see someone has...",4 +304,"I’m on anti anxiety meds and at a dose where I’m still having daily panic attacks plus my environment has me in a bad place mentally. For some reason I feel like I should stop taking my meds and I can’t tell if it’s because I feel ashamed of having anxiety…sorry if this is a stupid question. +Have you ever thought you should not take anti anxiety meds? +Are there any reasons going off anti anxiety meds would help already unmanageable anxiety?",Going off meds,4 +305,"I am on day 6 of taking sertraline for panic attacks, I know a lot of people have a rough time on it. the first 4 days were rough with nausea, anxiety and head fog. Today I am panicking and giving myself anxiety because of a weird sensation in my head. It’s almost like my brain is vibrating and I keep getting weird twitches every now and again which is really scaring me because I also have health anxiety and now I’m worried the sertraline has done something bad. Has anyone else experienced this as a side effect?",Sertraline side effects - please help me feel better,4 +306,My anxiety reaches a point where I just need something to quiet that ongoing chatter in my brain and I will do anything (within reason) to help it stop. I also have ADHD so I'm not sure if its that. I know tv is bad and a distraction but it helps also. Am I weird?,Does anyone else use background tv to help with anxiety?,4 +307,I want to give advice too my gf on how to help with my health anxiety I'm worried about everything recently and I keep asking her for reassurance my mental health is on a straight decline I'm eating more I effort into hygiene all I do is sleep play video games and I'm rude all the time I blow up at people and i cant even leave my house it's also been affecting how I play hockey I have been worried about every possible health thing possible recently. I have noticed I have visual snow and i linked it to a bunch of random stuff and its worried me more and I ask her for help but she dosent know what to do because of no experience with it can anyone write some advice on how she can help me in comments I can give her because i dont wanna stress her out,Any advice I can give my gf on how to help?,4 +308,"I am now into my 30s and feel like my life is passing me by while I am unable to enjoy it due to being anxious all of the time. I have a great job and feel like I am going to ruin it because I am so socially anxious and awkward. + +The only time I feel like I can truly enjoy the company of other people and not feel like my flight or flight is x100 is when I take a low dose opiate or drink alcohol. + +I stopped doing all of it for two years thinking that I might get better if I don’t use any substances, but it just spiraled into extreme anxiety and depression since I didn’t get any breaks from it. + +I have tried every SSRI/SNRI/TCA under the sun and they don’t work. + +I don’t know what the point of this post is other than to vent I guess.",Anxiety is ruining my life,4 +309,"I am a 24yo male, i have suffered with gad and panic attacks ever since i was 16. + +Over the years i went to therapy and even overcame (mostly at least) my health anxiety. +To a point that both my psychiatrist (psychotherapist? Imho not sure, English isn’t my first language) and I felt as if could go back to going to a psychologist. Everything has been going okay, i kept eating well, i exercise regularly (4/5 times x week at the gym, walks with my dog, and i try to walk around as much as i can other than my commute to work, not 10k steps on most days, but i try to stay active) + +I have been on medications. I used xanax regularly and then started using it only if needed. Once these panic attacks began, i decided to switch to diazepam, since the xanax was making me very sleepy without helping too much with the anxiety. That didn’t help. + +I started having panic attacks/adrenaline rushes for every minor incident or event. 5 mins late for a meetup/reservation? High heart rate, anxiety all the usual. Calling a client on the phone and telling them they’ll have to pay xx amount? Same result. Everything minor sends me towards a panic attack/adrenaline rush. Even weed, which i smoked probably once per week on a friday evening started giving me horrible panic attacks, even if wasn’t still high yet. + +I’m really at a loss here, i don’t want to go on like this and I’m kind of worried for my health and the impact this anxiety has on it. I will bring this up during my next session, but in the meantime i wanted to confront myself with someone that has/is experiencing the same issues. + +Thank you all",I’ve been having panic attacks that resulted in extreme adrenaline rushes daily for the past few weeks.,4 +310,"Does anyone ever get anxiety, like heart racing, can’t sit still, crying etc for a week then it passes? I’ve always had depression this way but anxiety is new to me. The last time I had to be hospitalized and after a day or two in inpatient I got better but I want to avoid that. Please tell me I’m not the only one! I need support.",Week long anxiety attack?,4 +311,does anyone get severe joint/bone pain? i’m not sure if it’s my anxiety but i have been in excruciating pain for 12 hours now and it’s freaking me out,joint pain,4 +312,"I was supposed to go to a pub crawl event this evening but got cold feet right before the event started and now I'm sad, disappointed and alone at my home. The first three hours before the event I was feeling okay and so sure I would be going, but slowly the panic started to kick in. And I ended up shaking and crying while changing my clothes and getting ready for the evening. And then I just gave up. It sucks, I really wanted to go, the event sounded like a blast and I already bought the ticket. It all came crashing down when I realised that I don't know anyone from the event and that I had to make the effort of meeting new people there alone. I thought I could be brave and go to that place alone because none of my friends didn't want to come with me. I have gone to events before alone and it has been fine in the end even if I was super anxious about going there beforehand. I guess today was just not my day... :(",I didn't have the courage to go to an event bc of anxiety :(,4 +313,"Tl;dr Been following this sub from a diffrent profile. Finally decided to post. For years ive struggled with what were thought too be temporal lobe seizures. (Severe deja vu, waves of nausea, and it loose the ability to understand verbal communication or speak coherently) these last for 10-15 minutes and occur 3 or 4 times a day. We have tried and tried to catch them on the eeg but are unable to. My neurologist refered me to a psychiatrist who calls them pseudo seizures and insists they are anxiety based and that whether I want to admit it or not i have PTSD from childhood trauma and some military/law enforcment experiences in my 20's. + +I am a father of 4, I am in the process of changing jobs which will require us to move. We are in the process of selling a house, buying a house, changing jobs, relocating to another state. In addition, my wifes emoloyeer refused her request to relocate and she was laid off last week. We homeschool 2 kids and my current job requires travel 45 weeks out of the year. My job is very high stressed. Im in a high executive management position with thousands of direct reports, financial obligations, budget goals, profit goals, plus increasingly difficult daily operational goals. + +Over the last few months my anxiety has become debilitating! Even with my medication (trileptal and seriquil) im to the point were I can be walking down the street and get the image in my head of a car swerving and hitting my on the side walk. This thought gets glued in my head and i am scared to walk down the street. Yesterday I was dozing on the couch and my 5 year old laid their tablet on my chest. The power cord stretched across my neck and i woke screaming with the image stuck in my head of being strangled by a power cord. Its as if I live in red alert. Loud noises, sudden movements, crowded rooms, new unfamiliar settings, traffic...i try my best to avoid it all but the isolation is becoming severe. This is happening more and more frequently. Im honestly scared. + +Ive tried discussing with my wife but she dosnt get it. She is so task oriented that any free time we have is used to discuss, analyze, dissect, reanalyze, plan, replan, budget, etc for all of the major upcoming moves we have. This serves as a constant reminder of how overwhelmed I am. Im drinking to much to sleep and try to temporarily check out. But its killing me and im ready to give up. Im seriously considering checking myself into a hospital. But i will loose my job and it will throw a wrench into all the plans we have been making for the last year. + +Im hoping that people with similar minds can give suggestions before its to late.",my anxiety has gotten out of control,4 +314,"Feel like giving up. I wish I had someone to give me a hug and tell me it’s gonna be okay but everyone’s given up on me. + +Feel like I’m having so many issues… it’s like life is telling me to get the hint. + +Sorry for anyone going through anything similar, I hope you’re stronger than me.",Physical health issues and mental health issues,4 +315,"hey guys! just like the title says, i am in the process of quitting vaping. my boyfriend kicked the habit a few months ago and has been doing great, but every time i try and quit my anxiety skyrockets and i can’t function at all. i woke up at 5am this morning with the worst attack i’ve had in years and unfortunately the only thing that soothes me is my boyfriend. we’re in a rough patch right now too because of some outside circumstances, so i can’t rely on him as i usually do. anyone have any advice? should i get back on my zoloft while i’m quitting? i’m in absolute misery and just want to get better and stop projecting all of my own anxiety onto him as i know it will ruin our relationship.",quitting vaping and panic attacks are through the roof,4 +316,"So I have emetophobia, OCD, an ED, health anxiety, basically everything. + +I did a CBT challenge tonight, to eat 'outside' chicken, aka chicken not from inside my home that I've gotten a trusted person to cook for me. + +I picked it the fuck apart. It looked absolutely fine. But I have convinced myself I have food poisoning from it, or some other illness. + +I also happen to be in the refeeding process which makes me feel like crap when I eat, have been having menstrual GI symptoms, I have chronic constipation that I took Fybogel for (which always gives me a super loud tummy and gas) - so both of those things could be a contribution or cause of my stomach discomfort. + +But wow I regret even challenging myself. I hate that I regret it, too. + +I'm so scared. Looks like a night of worry and no sleep for me. Feels like all progress has gone out the window. ",Regretting a CBT challenge/ERP exposure.,4 +317,I have agoraphobia haven’t left my house in months I sit around all day. I also have depersonalization which caused my agoraphobia. My emotions and feelings are numb and i’m finding it hard to care about anything anymore but lately I have been gaining weight. I’ve put on about 10 pounds in the last couple of months. I weighed myself 8 days ago and today I weighed myself and I weigh 5 pounds more. I am really concerned. what if I have heart failure. I cant go to the doctor because of my agoraphobia (yes it is that bad). I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel good ever and i’m so scared it’s not just anxiety anymore but I physically cannot go to the doctor. I cant even go outside my house without feeling panicked idk what to do. I was already really insecure about my weight but this weight gain is really scaring me. how did I put on that much weight in such a short time. I also had a very vivid dream 2 nights ago that I had brain cancer and now i’m scared that was some sort of sign that something is wrong with me.,I don’t know what’s going on,4 +318,"Every time I get things done and everything is good and I should feel calm and maybe relax a bit, I am content for like two seconds and then I get so anxious and angry (?) it is almost unbearable. I feel like getting drunk or something just to make it stop. It’s a different feeling from the ”regular” anxiety too, it is more panicky and mixed with other unpleasant emotions. I can’t get a handle on this. Anyone else?",I get super anxious when things go well,4 +319,"So rn I’m in club but I have really bad pain in the jaw, chest and back and sometime in the arm it’s been 2 months that it goes like that and waking up with panic attack almost every night, I can’t go to the doctor I went just one time he listened to my heart and said it was okay but with this constant pain I don’t believe everything is okay I feel like I will die everyday for 2 months",Idk what to do,4 +320,Hope you are all okay. Idk what is wrong with me had a panic attack in the city for no apparent reason three months ago and I’m still struggling now. It’s manifested into everytime I go into a shop I feel a bit off balance and dizzy and my head feels funny. I’m overthinking EVERY SYMPTOM. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DONIVE HAD ENOUGH !! I just want to be okay again. I want to Litterally just get married but to get married I need a job and a job makes me anxious for no reason other than my anxiety. I avoid working in places because if I feel dizzy or have a panic attack it will be more likely to happen in that setting. How do I even help myself. I’ve been in WAY WORSE SITUATIONS than this but having the feeling if impending doom most days has come out of nowhere. I just want it to go. I’m scared of the doctors but want to go to the doctor for reassurance but realistically reassurance makes everything worse. I DONT HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR OR EPILEPSY OR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE OR STUPID STUFF LIEK THIS BUT I NEED TO BELIEVE IT BUT MY SYMPTOMS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I HAVE THEM!,I’ve had enough of anxiety,4 +321,"Is anyone else on this combination? I just got prescribed 25mg of Zoloft per day and have already been taking Buspar 30mg a day. I also was prescribed Ativan for panic attacks in the meantime while the new medicine works. + +Now being that I'm anxious, I'm anxious about adding Zoloft. Anyone on this combination and feel it works for them? Anything to be aware of?",Zoloft and Buspar,4 +322,"I’m 19 and have never had a job before, now that it’s almost time for me to get a job I’m panicking. My second worst fear is getting a job and nobody understands how bad my anxiety is around it. I’m currently doing OF as my “job” and don’t make as much as a I would like, it’s my ideal job tho and I have fun doing it. Does anyone relate to this? I literally cry every time the job subject is brought up because that’s how much I fear it. I suffer from bpd, depression, anxiety, ocd and ptsd. I looked into disability to see if my mental health conditions could qualify and I couldn’t really find anything. Any comments are appreciated!!",How to get over anxiety about getting a job?,4 +323,My (19f) anxiety has been a struggle my entire life but this semester (since february) it’s been horrible and has been really affecting my relationships. i used to keep everything in but recently i’ve been expressing my feelings to my friends about on about 3 occasions now but i think it’s been ruining things. I’ve expressed that sometimes i have doubts in our friendship and need reassurance but the constant doubts and reassurance is becoming mentally draining on them. Also the one friend i lean on the most had her own issues and i’m worried i’ve been selfishly relying on her when she had her own difficulties. I’m noticing a change in my relationship with the girls and i’m really scared of losing them because i love them so much. i’ve already apologised to them and promised not to burden them with my issues but how do i repair my relationship with them moving forward? especially when my struggles with anxiety are still very present.,how to improve the friendships i’m damaging due to anxiety?,4 +324,"It feels like my entire day is urgent. Even if tasks aren’t urgent, like say just housework and I’m bumbling about, it feels suddenly really important and urgent and that makes me feel overwhelmed. It’s almost like I make things a higher priority than they are and it’s difficult to reshape that thought process. Tips? Everything in my life feels like it’s rushing even when I have plenty of time.",DAE feel a sense of rush/urgency over everything and can’t relax?,4 +325,"Does anyone else feel anxious when you try to donate or throw away unusable or old items? How do you cope with these feelings? + +I’m trying to bring myself to buy a new mattress, bed frame, sheets, etc. But I’m finding a million reasons not to-mainly attachment reasons. I know I need a new mattress and box spring for health reasons at the very least but I don’t want to buy another twin (I’m a young adult). I’d like to try to break these thoughts and find joy in a new purchase. It’s taken two years to decide to purchase a new bed.",Anxiety of letting possessions go for new ones,4 +326,"If I wake up before sunrise I feel a huge spike of adrenaline/cortisol? It’s not down to lack of sleep because for example if I wake up at 6:30 (just before the sun) it happens, if I wake up 15 minutes later (when the suns up) I have no anxiety. Now the shit part of this is I need to wake up at 5am most days. I’m not having anxious thoughts, just the physical anxiety. Is this just a lizard brain thing because I’m a bit stuck in fight or flight? Like waking up in the dark makes my body prepare to protect me? Idk. I’ve ordered a sunrise alarm clock to try and trick my brain a bit. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this/what your theories are.",Morning anxiety.. but only if waking before sunrise,4 +327,I was on same antidepressants for 20 years and during my Covid infection it abruptly stopped working..am I the only one? 4 months later still not better,Anyone else meds stop working after Covid infection.,4 +328,"I don’t know if thats an actual term or not. All I know is I have been sitting at my desk, feeling frozen, staring at the screen. + +I know that I know how to do most of my job. But I’m petrified of things that haven’t happened yet, or that I think will happen. I will subconsciously do anything to divert my mind from actually lifting my hand and starting my work. A cycle of living in fear of everything I worked for falling apart..just because I’m having crippling anxiety the last few months. + +Its so frustrating to even look at myself be this way knowing how hard i can work. Instead, I’m here panicking internally about everything happening all the time, whats due, whats coming up, not really being 100% clear on anything. + + +Its been a very difficult two years for me and i feel like its all coming down at once ..after just drowning it all on micro distractions to keep my mind at bay. + +I told my boss (a relative) im going to come by on friday and discuss something. Something being im losing grip of myself and I need to step down. + +Ive already been dealing with the internal battle of if thats the right thing to do, or the cowardly thing to do. Still don’t + know if im just feeling sorry for myself or actually deserve a break. Either way, I’m still going to be jobless after, up to my neck in bills and responsibilities im still trying to manage. + +I put everything into what i do with every job. blood sweat and tears. I just get so invested, and always come out the other side completely stripped bare emotionally, physically, mentally. + +I am not sure if this is going to be the case for every job. What if this keeps happening? What if stepping down and moving on just circles right back with the next job? I want to escape this pattern.",panic freezing all month during work,4 +329,I have an upcoming exam and I am very bad. My classes are not that good and I feel a lot of pressure on me please someone help me,Exam,4 +330,"I (19F) was traveling home from uni for weekend. My jurney consist of long inernationl train and then a 40 minute with small train. My international train was delayed and i missed my conection. Now i am stuck at a sketchy train station with almoust noone here. +The second i stepped out of train i wanted to cry out of anxiety and fear. I am alone in the waiting room with only one man and thats all. For the 15 minutes i am here i am shaking and trying not to cry. + +What doesnt help is the fact that like this morning at a bus stop drunk mane came to me, saind ""hi cutie"" and jokingly pocked me to my lower atomach. I couldnt react fast enough to stoped that but he just walked away. +A random drunk men walked in the station now, bought a ticket and then started to talk random stuff and left. + +I am just so scared, i have to sit here alone for another hour and i feel like i am going to crumble down. I dont know what to do. There is not any safe space i can go and wait. I feel like throwing up and thats not normal. + +Sorry for my english, it is not my first language and i have also realy shaky hans now.","I am now alone at night at a sketchy trainstation and my anxiety is over the roof, i feel like i cant handle this.",4 +331,"Hi all, + +I hope I could get some opinions from the kind followers of this subreddit! + +For as long as I (27 M) could remember I had pretty intense anxiety. As a result I overthink and self-sabotage a lot. About 2.5 months ago I got into a relationship with a phenomenal woman (21F). She’s so driven, smart, witty and funny and at first, I was sure that she was absolutely gorgeous. However, these past few days I’ve been wondering if I truly am attracted to her. I know this is weird, but when i look at pictures of her I find myself analyzing her facial features without even realizing it. I am constantly quizzing myself on whether I like her or not. + +This isn’t the first time it has happened. I remember the first time I went on vacation with my one and only ex I suddenly started to hyper fixate on each of her features and started to see her “differently,” if that makes any sense. Instead of seeing a coherent face, i saw a collection of facial features. Her nose seemingly looked larger, and the proportions were all off. Again, I know this sounds so weird. I pushed those thoughts aside and eventually got over it (she broke up with me for a completely unrelated reason). + +I’m wondering if anyone has been through this as well? Part of me thinks I’m shallow for worrying about this. But part of me wonders if it’s the anxiety that’s causing this. + +Thank you!",Anxiety Impacting Visual Ability and Causing Hyper-Fixation on Partner’s Physical Appearance,4 +332,"I have no idea what has caused this change. I’m anxious 95% of the time. Anything and everything is triggering me even a simple word will set me off. I’m scared of everything and I’m really low. I wake feeling anxious, this morning was horrible. I feel very shaky to. I feel like I can’t turn anywhere at the moment. I think I’ve managed to annoy everyone with my anxiety and stupidity. Nobody wants to hear me rant on about my problems but my head is getting more and more full by the day. I’m having counselling but I’m not sure it’s doing much. I really need someone to talk to. Spoke with the GP today, they are increasing my tablets again. I have no idea what the change was or has been. I just know I’m in a real spot at the moment",Struggling at the momen,4 +333,Anyone been in the mental hospital for just anxiety and depression? Like panic attacks. Thanks,Hospitals,4 +334,"So i am 16m 2 years ago i started my first friendship ever, 1 year ago we became group of 6 and whenever something happens, bad it could be if they said one word that i thought was angry or something, if i make or say some bulls*** i, if they dont include me in thier plans or something, if they act wierd one time. I think i am being delusional every time something happens. and I am very scared to lose them because without them i would sit at home 24/7 also every time something happens i take bottle of alcohol.",afraid of friends abandoning me,4 +335,"First time Reddit user- Quitting daily smoking 🍃 cause of anxiety +Hey I’m 18 turning 19 next month, have been using weed to deal with my anxiety and depression for a couple years, daily use for sleep mainly. + +I’ve been starting to question if weed is making me more anxious and I think it is, but I’m also anxious to quit + +Today is day one, +does anyone have any ideas on how to calm the mind from wondering around and being anxious at night? Or has anyone else gone through this already and have any tips? +I’m not looking for a easy fix all for the situation but more of guidance to calm my mind a bit, have a good day yall",Quitting 🍃 cause of anxiety from it,4 +336,"I’m a year into my new job where it takes me out of comfort zone quite often (business meetings, presentations, big corporate events). I have a lot of good supportive coworkers and manager so I know I’m not alone. But I am often feeling so overwhelmed and stressed about my job, and whenever someone asks me how I’m doing I have to stop myself from getting emotional. + +I feel like I’m barely getting by day to day at my job, so whenever I have anything extra assigned like presentations or networking event to do, I instantly feel worse. + +I never got diagnosed with anxiety so there’s no medication. Just occasional L-Theanine and Olly stress gummies to get me through even if it’s just placebo. + +I feel crazy just typing up this post because I sound dramatic for a grown adult in a corporate world I applied to. But just wanted some tips from anyone out there with high anxiety…",Challenges and discomfort are needed for self growth. But I’m overwhelmed with anxiety at my job. What can I do?,4 +337,It’s been almost two years living trying to manage health anxiety and almost nothing that I try is working. I’ve been on anxiety medication for three months and thinking I was only gonna need It for 3 months I have actually increased the dose and want to be in It longer. I learn a lot in therapy but always fail to incorporate any technique in real life. No matter what I do to cope I just can’t shake the anxiety away. I know anxiety is a part of life and regardless it’s going to come up but I can’t stop catastrophizing the anxiety I feel. The anxiety makes It hard to focus in school and at work to the point where I’m close to leaving both. How do I get It through my head that I am okay. That anxiety is okay. That any tiny thing my body feels doesn’t mean I’m dying. How can I trust my body. How can I trust myself. How can I trust in the universe. How can I stop.,Why is It hard to accept its just anxiety after numerous tests and reassurance.,4 +338,In fear of addiction.,How to know if you're taking too much Ativan?,4 +339,"I’m currently in my second semester of college and lately my anxiety has been sky high. I’m currently on 2 medications buspirone + propranolol. My friend is aware of my anxiety and noticed that this week it has been particularly high. + +Anyways today I went a bit mute, I can’t find the energy to talk and it’s hard to communicate how I’m feeling. So today in lab, my friend was getting frustrated because she was hungry from not eating all day. And when lab was over, I kind of rushed out because I felt a panic attack going on. I went to the bathroom to put cold water on my face. She got angry at me, texting me saying “where the fuck are you?” And when she found me she sat there with a look on her face. I told her she can go to the dining hall but instead she went back to the lab classroom and started to talk shit about me to our lab partner. So now I’m currently sitting here too afraid to even talk to anyone, I just wish I could get rid of this. I hate feeling this way and making everyone around me upset.",Been so anxious lately and now my friend is mad at me,4 +340,"So, I just recovered from covid (my first time having it!) and I’ve found that my anxiety is EXPONENTIALLY worse. Like, agoraphobia-almost-having-panic-attacks-in-public worse. This is very unusual for me. Of course, there’s the worry that the chest pain is some sort of covid complication, but it goes away if I manage to calm myself down (either naturally, or with rescue medication.) has this happened to anyone else? I’m really struggling! 😭",Significant increase in anxiety after COVID,4 +341,"I do a lot of reading on medications, trying to match myself to the right prescription. The wait times for psych are extremely long (over a year) in my country and a lot of guesswork falls on family doctors. I also work in medicine. + +One aspect I see over and over again is if the medication is not working, the dosage is upped. I see a lot of people discuss this on reddit as well. ""I felt worse so we upped it to xx mg and now I feel better."" Does anyone know the reason why? + +If we are telling our doctors that the medication makes us feel worse or causes unwanted side effects, why would increasing the dosage make it better?","I understand adjusting to new medication, but why up dose when it is not working?",4 +342,"I can’t lie. If I even try I feel like I will explode and I have to immediately tell the truth. Like yeah, not a bad thing to tell the truth but the extreme feeling is also not good. + +My current example is my buying something as simple as a buying something online. I ended up not wanting it and it was a non refundable, non returnable item. So I receive it and it doesn’t work how I want it (nor look how I want it) so I email the company saying it didn’t work properly. They send me a refund and I was like okay all is fine. BUT then I try the item again “just to make sure” it didn’t work… it worked. So I’m guilty for lying even though I didn’t think I was. I’m sending the item back to the company so it is like it never happened but I still feel SO guilty??? I even told them in the email it started working! What is wrong with me",Does anyone else have EXTREME guilt?,4 +343,So I (21F) recently got a job at a Harkins theater and I’m starting tonight. I’m having bad anxiety cause I’m scared and nervous. When I went in for my orientation Tuesday the people I’m going to be working with we’re giving me dirty looks. Or that’s what my mind was telling me. I know no one is stoked to be at work but the looks they were giving me made me not want to work. I’m also scared that the people I’m going to be working with aren’t going to like me and treat me bad. I’m also scared the job is going to be hard and I’m not going to catch on to things quick. I’m making myself sick by thinking of all this but I don’t know what else to do! Please does anyone have advice or kind works to help me?,I’m having a major anxiety attack right now cause I’m starting my new job tonight,4 +344,"My anxiety spikes to the point where I feel lightheaded and feel like I am having an out of body experience. Sometimes I have to look at my physical symptoms objectively and almost from a third person lens to help bring myself back to reality and not lose the plot. + +My hands get super shaky, thoughts become manic, I end up repeating actions, eyes go from place one to another but I am not really processing — there’s a disconnect between my brain and visuals. + +Anxiety is absolutely ridiculous. I hate it. But at least I am learning to live with it.",My anxiety is ridiculous,4 +345,"I'm saying it with all the bottom of my soul. + +I hate the person my anxiety has turned me into, I can't run (I loved to run), I can't leave my house without having a freaking panic attack, I can't go to the store without carrying my freaking backpack full of things that I have to have it in case I have a fucking panic attack, I can't watch the damn TV without some damn intrusive thought coming through, I can't go to the damn store because I think I'm going to have a heart attack,i won't let me help my mom get her medicine or help my sister run the supermarket because I keep thinking that something bad is going to happen when I leave the house. + +Yesterday I was feeling depressed, in fact I even thought about taking my life, but that's when a deep hatred came to me, it started as a little anger and now it has turned into an uncontrollable anger to kick something, I thought ""damn anxiety is getting me making me want to kill myself"" + +Good grief, I don't hate life, I love living, I want to live, I want to write a fucking book, I want to buy a decent computer, I'm having a panic attack that's pretty much subsided because right now I hate my anxiety.",I hate my anxiety,4 +346,"I’ve been on buspar for about two weeks, I’m on 7.5 mg twice a day and I’ve noticed my crippling anxiety slow down a little bit. My worrying thoughts are way less often and I shake my legs less. But I think I need to go up a dose because it’s working but not as much as I would like. What’s your experience with this med and how is it working for you?",How is buspar working for you?,4 +347,I just want to curl up and hide from everything. There’s too many worries going on I just want to hide I hate going anywhere.,Why do I want to hide all the time?,4 +348,"Does anyone actually have disability for anxiety and panic disorder ?? +I’m seriously worried about my working future at this point and am wondering if anyone actually gets disability",Disability for anxiety,4 +349,"So I don’t cut as often as I use too but I bought these sharp cute box cutters off of Amazon and I started overthinking that “what if I just gave myself tetanus by using it” even though they are new and I’m most likely fine +But I can’t stop overthinking",TW// SELF HARM,4 +350,"Does anyone experience odd oral sensations when highly anxious, tongue tingling, burning etc",Tongue burning/tingling/anxiety symptom,4 +351,"I’m terrified of driving and thus, don’t have a car nor the knowledge of driving in general. I recently stepped way out of my comfort zone and moved to another state with the help of my parents and family, however I need a job. I’m a petite person and literally defenseless lol. + +How can I get a Lyft/Uber ride in the safest way possible? My anxiety is seemingly peaking with everything going on in my life at the moment and this has been the main concern since moving.",Lyft/Uber help please 🥲,4 +352,,How many of you suffer from health based OCD?,4 +353,Anyone find themselves holding their breath throughout the day? I’ve been having this swaying feeling (again) and I’m wondering if it’s related to that. Always catch myself holding my breath!,Breath holding,4 +354,"I’ve been struggling with anxiety since childhood and have had multiple psychiatrists, therapists and general practitioners help me try to find the right combo of meds to help me. Recently, I’ve been in a 6 month long extended period of anxiety for many reasons, but we have also been trying to find the right meds. + +Talked to my psych. today and we decided to add a new medication in to try, one I used in high school that was helpful at the time, however I still felt a little sad after the appointment. I’m happy to be working toward a helpful solution, but mourning the fact that I can’t be “normal” and will likely be on medications for a very long time. It makes me feel a little broken, and I fear my friends and family may even see me that way. + +I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this way? I’m happy to be trying new solutions, but also a little blue. Does that make any sense?",Does anyone else get sad or nervous when they get prescribed a new medication?,4 +355,"I've been struggling with headaches & a lot of brain fog for the past month or so. It hasn't really caused any issues besides me feeling super out of it & pain until recently after a really sharp pain in the left side of my head which has lead to the ''buzzing'' in my head getting a lot worse and the same side throbbing randomly. I'm so anxious it could be something serious but my brain is also telling me i'm overreacting. it's causing my health anxiety to flare up a lot, It's gotten so bad i'm wide awake googling symptoms of what it could possibly be & struggling to even relax at home because the symptoms are constant which leads my anxiety going through the roof and the cycle continues. I wanna go to the doctor but I also don't wanna waste their time in case they can't help me or it isn't anything at all & it's all in my head. I was struggling before this but now this is really debilitating for me. I don't wanna get out of bed because i'm just gonna have to deal with the random pain/throbbing and the anxiety about it. I just wanna feel normal again.",Health anxiety sucks.,4 +356,"I am seriously regretting my decision to go to grad school- I thought I was prepared for it, but I'm wasn't. I was an academically strong student in my undergraduate program and went straight to grad school after because I really enjoy academia. I found my education to be so fulfilling- but now the spark is completely lost. + +Ever since starting grad school my anxiety has NEVER been worse. I have always struggled, but not like this. I have panic attacks just from opening up my computer to do work. The thought of opening my email makes my chest hurt. Anxiety is showing up in other areas- I've had panic attacks because I was just convinced I was going to die within the next few days- because I just felt it. I have panic attacks when someone calls me, thinking they are going to tell me there's been some horrible tragedy. I'm convinced I see people with guns pointed toward me and I am going to be a victim of a mass shooting. I know there's something really wrong going on right now, + +And I'm so depressed. I have no drive to do things. The fear of consequences is building up my anxiety, but the thought of doing the thing just seems like the most impossible feat. + +I've barely submit any assignments- I keep trying to get them done. I tell myself that today is going to be the day I tackle even just one small thing, but this horrible feeling inside my chest and stomach just paralyzes me from being able to get anything done. I tell myself in 5 minutes I'll get up, it turns into 30 minutes, to 5 hours- then the next thing I know I've exhausted myself from just thinking about what I have to do & I decide that I will try again tomorrow. Each time I try again, I fail. + +I wish there was a way others could see how much effort I am putting in- even brushing my teeth and taking a shower are demanding tasks. Eating isn't even enjoyable & food doesn't taste appealing to me- I nearly gag with every bite trying to feed myself. + +I wish I didn't have to feel like this. I want to enjoy school and pursue my passions. I was so proud of how far I've come, only to let is all crash and burn now.",Unable to overcome extreme stress severely impacting my productivity,4 +357,"So I went to my GP (general practitioner aka your family doctor) and told her I had been feeling anxious lately, especially before big exams or oral presentations (I start shaking and feeling physically sick, unfocused, can't think straight, etc). She gave me a prescription for inderal and told me to take it on days when I have exams or big events. + +However, I googled and it just looks like something to lower your blood pressure. So not that I'm complaining because, honestly, anything helps, but isn't this just going to treat the physical symptoms instead of the overlying issue aka the anxiety? It just sounds like I'll still have the mental anxiety, just with a lower heartbeat lmao + +Has anyone tried this medication and has it worked for you? I'm not doubting my doctor but I'd like to know how it felt for other people",Got prescribed inderal (propranolol),4 +358,"anyone else gets this feeling of your body falling down not only when you’re falling asleep? even when standing, walking, sitting or just relaxing",feeling of body falling,4 +359,"Hey, is there anyone who had these symptoms as a result of stress? I get diarrhea before leaving home if I have to get somewhere by public transport. Before dentist visit I get nausea and gag reflex without vomiting, it lasts all the time and it's destroying my life completely. I can't go to the dentist, I can't go somewhere by public transport, I only feel fine when I know there is a restroom nearby and I will be able to use it whenever I want. My life is a hell. I react bad to all SSRI like my sister she has tried many ssri's for her anxiety disorder and none of them worked correctly - I don't know it's genetic or what but me and she react very similar to them. My GI wants me to start trimebutine, is there anyone who has tried it?","Diarrhea, nausea, gag reflex - stressful situations",4 +360,So I'm a pretty anxious person but when I'm out and about I can sort of just deal with it. But when I'm at home and living with strangers I find it really hard to come out of my room to just do normal things like cook if they are in the kitchen or going to the bathroom while someone is around. It's really frustrating because I feel like I just sit and fester with it in my room but I just get too anxious to leave. My home is somewhere I need to be most comfortable so I'm finding it a bit debilitating not feeling comfortable. So does anyone have some tips for me to build up the courage to just become a normal roommate. I've tried making conversation with the person I'm living with but they didn't really seem interested so I think that has made more anxious. But yeah if anyone has any help that would be greatly appreciated 😊,Anxiety about being a share house,4 +361,"Hi, I'm from Turkey. I'm 21 y.o. and studying in University. I hate my familiy, cause they bring me full of problems. And last month, me and my girlfriend rent our house. But 4 days ago, she broke up with me. Just a month... And now, I have comeback to my family's house and I'm full of anxiety. I'm so upset because I love my girlfriend. She broke up with me because I'm so angry. But the fact is that; I'm trying to not be. But of course sometimes I failed. Her and I, we were really good. We were understand each other perfectly. I really don't understand why is have to happen. She fired me. Now I'm staying with my brother. And I don't want to comeback to my familiy's house. And I'm missing her. What sould I do?",I need help to fight.,4 +362,"My health anxiety is getting the best of me lately. Been having eye floaters the last few years and tinnitus so I was obsessing over a brain tumor. Then lately it turned into colon cancer and pancreatic cancer due to stomach issues. Now I woke up this morning and smelled burnt rubber or something similar to it and now I'm back to freaking out over a brain tumor because I couldn't figure out if it was real or not. I did have my bedroom window open which faces the parking lot of my apartment complex and I didn't smell the smell when I went into the other room but still it freaked me out and now I'm obsessing over that. No I'm not sick and don't have nor have had covid. I've seen two old neighbors of mine die from it within months and that's the root of my anxiety with it and now with this what I think was a phantom smell, I'm terrified. And now I can't tell if what I'm smelling is real or not. I came in from walking my dog and thought I smelled the burnt rubber again but it was just my coffee brewing.  + +I literally feel like I'm at my wits end. I can't find a therapist due to time scheduling conflicts with my job. I was prescribed a medication by my PCP but I don't like how anti depressants affect my sex drive (the one thing that helps me cope with all of this). The health anxiety is just getting worse the older I get too (35 now). It sends me into deep depressions and I feel like it's ruining my life at this point. It's like I have a choice to either be medicated and impotent or keep spiraling mentally. I hate this. I hate my brain and that it thinks this way. And I hate that you can get a fatal disease no matter how healthy you try to live your life. I'm so full of anger right now over all of this. I'm at work now and have such bad brain fog over all of this to the point where it feels dreamlike.",Health anxiety is steering me towards a nervous breakdown,4 +363,"Has anyone ever had these symptoms from anxiety? I feel like the last week or two I've had this intense feeling of clogging that I can release if I hold my nose or yawn, but it just keeps happening for no reason. + +Has anyone ever dealt with this with anxiety?",Ear clogging/fullness/dizziness,4 +364,"Not being able to work. + +Of my crippling anxiety. + +Of not being able to function like a normal person. + +Not being able to be social anymore. Normal things like smiling or looking in someones eyes have become very difficult. + +Just ashamed of feeling bad all the time.",What are you ashamed of?,4 +365,I had an anxiety attack last night and woke this morning still feeling it a little. Does anyone else have anxiety attacks that last longer than a day. I have taken one ativan so far. Which helped me get to sleep.,Morning After,4 +366,"Keep getting these waves of feeling warm sick and lightheaded even when I'm laying down. + +Usually when it happens I can feel my pulse in my fingers and my head gets heavy. + +Anyone else get this? Any idea what made it stop?",Anyone else get throbbing pulse with dizziness?,4 +367," Hello! Today, I (18M) fully realized that I cannot function properly as a human being, unless I'm directly seeking acceptance in others. This translates to me not showering, not brushing my teeth, not shaving, not even washing my hands when no one is going to see that I am clean and ""normal"". + + + I recently started college, I've been making friends and generally having a great time, this, if u look at it from the outside. + + + Inside my head, I just cannot get the sense out of my mind that someone is going to think less of me and criticize me physically, because of my clothes, my face, my hair, because I have a gray shadow even after just 30 minutes of shaving, because somehow I smell bad, etc. I have crippling anxiety just thinking about someone criticizing my looks in their heads (And don't let me start with my personality), basically all this converts into me having a sort of ""Double life"". + + +When I need to go outside, I do all the work I can possibly do to try and look nice, smell good and be a nice person. But the moment I'm in my home, my mind unconsciously switches to a gross side, I don't take care of myself in any way type or form, suddenly I am mean, lazy, antisocial and want to die once again. The cycle repeats day after day, I've been trying to make myself go to the gym and eat better for months now, but my body just doesn't respond, every fiber of my mind tells me that I can't do anything right, I will always be kinda ugly, kinda fat, and kinda gross, so why bother trying? + + +Maybe nothing of this makes any sense, sorry, english is not my first language and i'm just trying to cope somehow",Anxiety about my appearance separates my life in two sides,4 +368,"these past few nights i’ve been feeling sooo lonely and sad. when i go to sleep i try to distract myself by reading or watching a show, but i still have this lingering sadness and sometimes really negative thoughts. now the past few nights i’ve also been waking up multiple times during the night feeling off, and then falling asleep again. is this all related or is something else wrong with me?",can thinking negative thoughts influence sleep?,4 +369,"I'm 32 and for the first time ever I reached out for help and scheduled a therapy appointment. Unfortunately after the first session, I discovered my insurance will not cover any therapy anywhere. Out-of-pocket at the place I went is $180/hr. I was so disappointed that I became even more depressed and stayed in bed all day crying. It's so frustrating that I finally did the right thing and now I can't do it. Makes me wish I didn't even try. + +My PCP prescribed sertraline. I've never taken anxiety meds before. I have bad health anxiety too so it's hard for me to not worry about the side effects so I haven't started them. I really wanted to try the therapy route instead. So disappointed and feeling hopeless.",Therapy Vent,4 +370,Does anyone know why I feel like I'm suffocating? If anyone knows can they please help me?,choking feeling,4 +371,"My main issues with my anxiety are the physical symptoms I experience… brain fog, chest pains, rapid heart rate, and just an overall feeling of dread. They seem to come on randomly with no obvious mental trigger. I wish there were some mental triggers so that I could address them, but that just doesn’t seem to be the case. + +Anyway, anyone in a similar boat who has found some medication that works for them? I know everyone reacts differently, but would love to hear your thoughts.",Best meds for physical symptoms?,4 +372,"35 F and I need help. Apologies for typos (on mobile) and length, but so, so grateful for those who read this. + +My shoulders, chest, back and jaw are always cleanched like I'm subconsciously trying to curl up into myself. I cant sleep, small sounds cause my heart to race and I wake up with adrenaline. I'm always exhausted, and because of this, I'm feeling so hopeless. I cry out of fear or frustration at least once a day now making me feel pathetic and empty. I shake, have numb limbs, depersonalization and chronically check my pulse. I feel like I'm dying all the time and like someone vacuumed all the joy and confidence I once built up out of my soul. + +I stopped taking sertraline after 8ish years and it's going terribly. I slowly weaned myself off because of an imminent lack of insurance back in September, and I'm not doing well. Before I went off medication, I went part time from working a full time management position for over 12 years. At first, I was elated to be home so much. I had dreamed of being part time, accomplishing so many things at home, ( we bought a foreclosed home 9 years ago with TONS of issues) just being less stressed in general, but because of the part time status, I lost insurance. My partner who works 12 hour days and I were not married yet, and knowing I would lose coverage and wanting to get pregnant soon, I slowly weaned myself off Sertraline as responsibly as possible. This actually went okay, surprisingly, but I'm thinking it was because I still had medication in my system. + +Before I was off meds I was binge drinking about 2-3 times per week, which has been an issue since I was 18, as well as insane amounts of weed smoking- so, additional self medication that was frankly really bad to do on meds. Drinking was ingrained in me as a coping mechanism that caused so, so many problems over the years. Being medicated helped numb the terrible anxiety and withdrawing I would go through with drinking, so it made it possible to continue this cycle for years. I am a very naturally anxious person, from childhood until now. I am an only child who had an extremely verbally abusive father which I know caused a lot of problems. + +By December of this year I had noticed the familiar feelings of not just hints-of-anxiousness, but the crippling anxiety coming back. I drink a bit in Decemeber, and for at least five days after, would notice terrible, horrible anxiety, withdrawals and sleeplessness. This was so much more severe unmedicated I literally had to stop which had not happened consistently since my teens. Because of it being a coping mechanism, and major ingrained habit, I had some huge issues mourning a ""friend"" and psuedo-tool I had used for years to overcome social anxiety and insecurity. This was obviously never helping, but in the throes of addiction and habit, I couldn't recognize it. + +Then caffeine started affecting me in a negative way. Even small amounts would cause heart palpitations and severe unease. It became a gateway for a panic attack. I would usually consume a decent amount of caffeine before work, which made me feel more efficient, confident and social. Just like drinking. Now, I had lost two major things I used to cope with life. I had some peace with knowing I should have quit drinking years ago and letting it go, but now I couldn't even handle caffeine? But wait! There's more! Enter weed smoking, which I had already largely cut back. I went from smoking as soon as I got home from work to just before bed to sleep. I have always had major sleeping issues and maijuana helped turn my obsessive thoughts off so I could sleep. Now it was causing the same panic caffeine did. I had a violent panic attack in January after smoking and almost thought I needed to call an ambulance. + +I'm sure by now, you can see I have some substance reliance issues. I know this, and I'm not proud. I should in theory be proud I stopped three bad habits/addictions AND antidepressants. Instead, I feel lost. I feel empty. I feel devastatingly hopeless. I feel truly alien, like I cant be a normal functioning human. I'm chronically jittery, exhausted and scared. I feel like although overcoming addiction I have backslid into my lowest low. I have had to leave work because of panic attacks. I dont go out to social events unless absolutely necessary, and spend the whole time in partial terror. I have no joy in anything I used to care about. I feel like I'm driving my mother and husband insane with my repetitive, obsessive anxieties, insecurities and attacks. They are so supportive, but I cant help but feel like they are a little over it. + +The last two months have been awful. By now, I expected some relief from my brain getting used to being off meds, but instead I'm now worried this is just who I am unmedicated. I obsess about the house not being fixed, people judging it, things imminently breaking, about not being pregnant yet, ( biological clock shit) disapointing family and friends and its leaving me feeling utterly hopeless. I have been in therepy off and on for years, read countless books, every supplement out there, meditation, watched tons of videos and documentaries on anxiety, improved my diet, reached out to others, breathing exercises... you name it. I know most of the tools to help with anxiety. I've tried almost all of them. I have held off on going back on medication in hopes of becoming pregnant, but that hasn't happened yet and frankly I dont want to start and stop medication again right now. + +I'm afraid of everything. I feel like I'm disconnected and disassociated from myself. Its unrelenting. I dont have ""good"" days, lately. Shit, I'd take mediocre ones! I have tried to push through, get tasks done around the house to feel like I'm accomplishing something, positive affirmations...nothing is working. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of being afraid of basic life tasks, like making appointments, working, social obligations, etc. I'm tired of feeling adrenaline over every sound, waking up anxious, taking hours to fall asleep because I'm anxious and dont sleep. Im so sore because I'm always clenched and tense. I'm always checking my pulse. Im always worried about horrible things happening to myself and family, health related or otherwise. This cyclical unrelenting chronic crippling anxiety is making me insane. I am considering therepy again, but past experiences have not been the best. + +I guess I'm just trying to find someone who gets it. This isn't something I feel like the average person who I've talked to about anxiety understands. Who else has panic attacks in the freezer aisle of the grocery store, work or at baby showers? My senses feel so heightened to any stimuli. I cant keep putting on a brave face and hearing people's surprise when I tell them how anxious I am all the time. ""But you're so calm! You seem so chill!"" Ugh. I must mask it well because I'm internally combusting. This doesnt feel like it will ever relent, and I'm starting to just feel anxious and depressed, chronically. I cant live like this anymore, and I'm losing all hope of improving. + +Thank you so much for reading!",Backsliding Anxiety Avalanche,4 +373,"⚠️ im not asking for medical diagnosis i just dont know where to ask, help!⚠️ + +Hello everyone, I want to ask about something, sometimes I will be just living life doing normal things and all of the sudden I get a ""bad"" thought, for example getting hit by a car or something, and I imagine myself the way I am at the moment, bit then I quickly I try to modify the thought like switching the colour of my jacket, by doing that the thought that I had wasn't real because I don't have that coloured jacket and thus no bad thing will happen. WHAT IS THAT?",Random thoughts,4 +374,"So I've had following symptoms.... + +Headaches +Palpitations +Rapid heart at rest +Dizziness +Feeling faint never actually fainted +Feeling weak and sick +Constant adrenaline surges or like dropping sensations + +Does anyone else have or had all of that? Been on and off for me for 2 years now. + +Had a million heart and blood tests all normal. + +Been doing therapy but I think my biggest problem is I just cannot convince myself this is all anxiety and constantly wondering if it's a serious heart issue or something.",How do you guys accept it's anxiety and not a serious health issue?,4 +375,,"anxiety messed my life, i have a deadline of an important exam, but i didn't study enough since i couldn't panic attacks kicked me for real it was a very bad memories, i am quit better now but i still have almost 3 months left for the exam, well do you think i can make it?",4 +376,I had a random panic attack last night and I feel so bad today. I've decided to come to work rather than stay home and recover because it makes my wife worry so much. This is hell.,I hate this,4 +377,Has another had success for this as needed for anxiety? Starting it tonight as I’m in the middle of a big anxiety attack.,Vistaril success?,4 +378,I have had about a week of full blown anxiety. When you have an episode do you feel completely exhausted and weak?,Question,4 +379,"I run a venture-backed business and have lately realized that I might have mild to moderate depression. For the many, many months, I've been constantly overwhelmed, tired and frustrated, but for the past week, I've reached my breaking point, and now it seems that I've lost my drive, motivation, and it just feels numbing. I'm not excited by anything anymore. Fatigue all the time, and full of self-doubt. + +What will the best way to deal with this situation (not sure if it's diagnosed as depression)? Should I take some time off?",How do you deal with depression as an entrepreneur?,4 +380,"has anyone else had this?? at about 12:00 every single day, school or no school, i get incredibly anxious. usually i can’t identify any kind of thought that may set it off, there’s no logical explanation for it. i just suddenly get really cold, really shaky, my heart races and i get SUPER restless. its starting earlier now than it used to which stresses me out a little since it still pretty much lasts until i go home. has anyone else had this??? i take all my meds in the morning and they’re all extended release:/",intense physical anxiety at the exact same time every day?,4 +381,i’ve had a couple anxiety attacks recently that really freaked me out they start in the middle of the night and most the time from me becoming super aware of my teeth then i spiral and have incoherent thoughts or like the same sentence just playing over and over in my head words stop making sense and my body feels like a machine i become hyper aware of my breathing and it doesn’t feel right when it first happened i swear a past out and got transported to a astral plane or something like some tool album cover shit recently have been feeling like nothing is really real and just a result of chemical reactions in my brain yfm has anyone else felt this way too,crazy feeling anxiety attack,4 +382,"I’ve been dealing with tough anxiety for +10 years and for the last year or so I have chronic fatigue. Can chronic fatigue come from long term anxiety? +I just feel drained, my batteries are totally empty.",Can intense chronic anxiety over the years cause chronic fatigue?,4 +383,"31F.... +I don't really know where to start I've been struggling for such a long time and I just don't know what's an anxiety symptom, or symptom of an underlying medical condition anymore. I've had anxiety and OCD for the longest time, had CBT a couple of times in my life but I still suffer immensely with anxiety, it has taken the form of different themes over the years but at the moment I'm struggling awful with health anxiety. + +I have lots of physical symptoms, and I do have some medical issues too, and I'm finding it really hard to differentiate between the two. + +My main physical symptoms are: +-tight chest and breathlessness (to the point it feels like my airways are closing up) +-strange sensation in throat and tongue +-scratchy throat +-diarrhea (sometimes severe) & constipation +-abdominal pain & nausea +-brain fog and intense headaches +-light headedness +-dry throat +-nasal drip +- feeling of tight muscles and tension in my abdomen, neck and shoulders +-some tingling and numbness in various areas of body + +Aside from this I have been diagnosed with polyps on the gallbladder, a liver cyst and mild fatty liver recently. I have also found some small hard lumps in centre of chest/ left of abdomen just along the bottom rib. I am getting these checked but not until 17th April! +I have really been struggling to eat recently, every time I do eat I get a lot of the physical symptoms I've described above, then I get frightened I'm having an allergic reaction and am going to develop anaphylaxis (I've never been allergic to food before, but I do have asthma) so I just avoid eating. I've lost over 2 stone in weight in the past 6 weeks. + +When I got the diagnosis of gallbladder polyps and liver cyst/ fatty liver it really set me back and panicked me. I've had two family members die of liver cirrhosis (they were alcoholics though, and I don't drink anymore, and have never to that extent) and I think I just got it into my head that I was going to die or these growths were going to develop in to cancer. + +I can't stop googling and searching my symptoms and I've come across something called MCAS, and with the physical symptoms of allergy and various growths I have in mind, I've convinced myself that I have MCAS. + +I really don't know what to do to be honest, I've got a young family that I need to care for but instead I'm bed ridden and feeling like rubbish all the time and it's really getting me down.","I don't know whether it's anxiety or an underlying health condition, at my wits end 😔",4 +384,"Excuse my post, and hoping it doesnt come across in a stereotypical way - apologies in advance if it does. + +I understand that hot flushes can be a thing for females, but I was wondering if any gents get what appears to be hot flushes with their anxiety? + +It feels me head is in full sweat, but when I run my hand across my forehead and back of my head my temp feels normal. + +TIA",Head Sweats? Hot Flushes?,4 +385,"I’ve been thinking a lot about AI recently. The explosion of Chat-GPT, Midjourney, DALLE-2….someone with zero writing or art skills can spend 3 seconds coming up with a prompt and generate something incredible. Something a human would spend hours or even days coming up with. And it’s accelerating faster than we could have imagined. AI voice spoofing, AI generated images of celebrities and politicians, plagiarized college essays…these things were unimaginable 6 months ago. + +All this gives me anxiety and not just because I’m a writer as my profession. It’s devaluing human talent and creativity - everyone can now do it, therefore it means nothing. Over-saturation renders everything meaningless. And the irony is that humans made this tech that is now outshining all of us…and will ultimately do everything better than we can. + +This is a pivotal time in humanity and I am not ready for it and I don’t think anyone is really ready for it. Everything from the way we work to the way we consume media will be completely upended by AI. + +I just want to rewind 20 years and live peacefully. I don’t want all this change. And it’s filling me with anxiety, hopelessness and dread.","AI, and the devaluation of humanity",4 +386,"Hi fellas, so I was using public transport for 4 hours today only when i arrived i was told that they made a mistake and i need to get there tomorrow. I went back another 4 hours home. I wasnt upset nor anxious and i just felt oddly calm, i dont even think they expected that, i feel like it could be the mediciation bringing me peace of mind :). +Either way it made me really happy",Today i was calm and collected,4 +387,"22FTM. I started these ashwagandha 300mg gummies roughly 1 every 12 hours a week and half ago and now my chest is constantly in pain it also induced an entire panic attack out of me, do not take ashwagandha without consulting your doctor or someone with your medical history. I'm so scared that these side effects will never stop and that I have poisoned myself. My chest, arms, and back have been aching and fatigue. I am so sad that I started these because I'm scared this is going to end up killing me. Sites or other reddit users keep using the words poison or ""ruined my life"" etc. I'm jus scared it won't stop. No one will confirm that the side effects stopped after they took them.",Took Ashwagandha now I'm experiencing horrible pains. Anyone else going through this?,4 +388,"Hello! + +I have always been anxious, and as of 2-3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I've been in therapy for years and tried all sorts of medications (Lexapro, Zoloft, medical marijuana, CBD, Valium, Klonopin, Xanax, Amitriptyline), and the only thing that worked were the benzos. I'm extremely lucky to have an NP who fills my Xanax refills. The problem is... I don't want to be addicted to this medication. I take it very sparingly, which is why it works so well, but I only take these when I feel nauseous/jittery/panicky, which, fortunately, is not 24/7. However, I do have GAD pretty bad. In the shower, thoughts just race and I can't find the ""off"" switch. It's ruined my sleep. It's taken a dump on my memory. I just cannot live like this anymore. + +Meditations help in the moment I do them, but I feel like I need to be medicated. I was on Zoloft for about 6 months, and it helped tremendously, but when I tried getting back on it (I properly titrated my dose when I get off them), for some reason the side effects were extremely unbearable. Granted, I started back at 50mg, when before I was on it for 25mg for a week and then 50mg the second week and continued for 4-6 weeks. It could also be that at the time I could tolerate medical marijuana, but now, that makes me either anxious/jittery or straight-up nauseous. + +Lexapro? Forget it. I started at 10mg, and that was a nightmare. I was so nauseous by day 2, if it wasn't for my anti-nausea med, I would've projectile vomitted all over my kitchen floor. The other time I was at 5mg, and I felt so cracked out. + +I also don't like that SSRIs are rough on my body for 4-6 weeks. Maybe that's just the gamble you take, but I hate having increased anxiety, inability to ejaculate, and horrendous stomach pains for a month. Does that sound like fun to anyone? + +I took amitriptyline, and that was more for chronic pain, and it barely did anything, and as for anxiety, I didn't notice much of a difference either, and I tried this medication at 10 and 25mg. + +I have an appointment with my NP tomorrow, and she is well aware I struggle with anxiety. Is there a medication that's not an antidepressant that works for GAD and is not a benzo, meaning I can take as often as needed? + +I've also tried supplements like L-Theanine, Melatonin, and Ashwagandha, and they don't do crap. + +Any experiences with non-antidepressants that worked for you?",Anxiety med. that's not an antidepressant?,4 +389,"Whenever i have any “event” i get insane rising anxiety leading to it. Anything like public presentation, job interview, doctor appt, or even going to a friends house party or “going out” (haha i rarely) + +Days before ill start preparing , night before i can barely sleep. I can feel adrenaline increasing 24-48 hours. I get EXTREMELY alert. + +The day of i wake up i cant eat anything. Cant even drink more than a few sips of water. + +The hours leading up i begin HARD coughing and dry heaving. To the point ill damage my throat and it gets sore. I never actually throw up but this has been happening so long i just dont eat to be safe. Still i get uncontrollable gagging. Like i actually think i gave myself a hernia. Im talking violent gagging until i see stars, floaters and lights in my eyes, heart racing, chest muscles / stomach strained and hurting from the none stop gagging and heaving and coughing. + +Then right when i walk into the “event” its all gone. + +Im still nervous but my mind tends to blank out and i disassociate a lot. This really fucks up technical job interviews because i totally blank out. A pure calm bliss blank state. + +AFTER, i go home a complete weight is lifted off me. Im STARVING now. Extremely low anxiety, relaxed, rest state. Eating a ton because i probably have been eating 500-1000cals the last few days. + +I really wasnt built for this life. I need to go live in some mountains or something + +Anyone else have anything similar to share? + +Thanks for reading lol",Crippling dry heaving panic attacks,4 +390,"I was having a panic attack, then i calmed down a little and then suddenly i feel like something is taking away my breath from the inside for a second, its like a sleep apnea, but i am awake. Is this normal??? I've had this in sleep before when fell asleep after being stressed, but I've never had this awake. Now i have a strange feeling in my throat and stomach. Might this be related to stomach?",Suddenly felt like I cant breath?,4 +391,Difficult combination of things that make me very overwhelmed. Been hyper stimulated the past month where I just feel pretty terrible but it’s starting to get better as of the past couple days. I’m debating on taking partial amounts of clonozopam (idk how to spell it) it’s a benzo and typically I wouldn’t do it but having to start work and feeling overwhelmed I don’t see another option. Any suggestions on how I should go about. I just wanted it to be a temporary thing to get me going. Or use in moments of very high discomfort while working.,Going through a rough patch and also having to start working soon. Possibly going to use benzos temporarily,4 +392,"This past few months I’ve had a set of symptoms that have had me worried that I have a neurological disorder. I am wondering if these symptoms could be caused by stress, and if anyone here has had similar symptoms they know to be caused by stress. + +A little context, I recently got accepted into my dream job. The only hitch is that it has intense training for six months, where if you fail a test at any point you are dismissed. The material we are required to study is immense in volume and the tests are close to twice a week. + +In the month leading up to the course I found myself experiencing a small head fog. It developed more and more over the weeks into the worst head fog of my life. I could barely think and always felt a sort of pressure in my head. Math I would normally fly through was difficult and even just simple thoughts were hard to get out sometimes. As the course started my vision started to feel off, not quite sure if it was/is double or blurry as it’s not that bad, but I can tell it’s off. My eyes also got super sore for a week or so. About a week ago I also started to feel my left jaw and arm go a bit numb/tingly. It’s mostly there but comes and goes in intensity. + +Since the head fog I have been chronically online in search of answers which has lead me down every rabbit hole. I am frightened i have something like MS, and though I know my research into it along with my stress with my course is more likely to blame, I can’t help but doubt that stress alone could give me blurry vision, numb arm/face, and immense brain fog + +I would really appreciate anyone’s experience with stress, ms, or related symptoms. + +Thanks all",Health Anxiety,4 +393,"Hi everyone. + +I have been experiencing on and off burning sensation only in my right side of the face. I think that if it would be anxiety, it’s usually on both sides. Has anyone experienced something similar?",Burning sensation in right side of the face only,4 +394,,What are the best supplements you've used for anxiety?,4 +395,"Like when I’m anxious there isn’t much I can do about it, I can try to self soothe and whatnot but it’s still hard to put on a smiley face and be upbeat and cheerful. Especially when you can feel this way for days at a time or longer. But people look at you differently if you’re not upbeat and bubbly and cheerful especially as a woman. If I don’t enjoy everything or laugh at everything or keep conversation I’m grumpy or in a bad mood or just weird. And what am I supposed to say? That I’m anxious? So they can respond “why” and that’s just a rabbit hole I can’t go into.",It’s hard to be anxious and also want people to think you’re happy,4 +396,"Because of my bad academic performance I was advised to go to see a doctor + +and I did, after 1h of taking he said I have a slight depression and GAD and gave me a description to take Brintellix I didn’t feel I had GAD so I went to see another one this time I didn’t talk much it was quick 20m and still the second doctor said the same slight depression and GAD this time the description is 75g of venlafaxine + +Should I take the med or see a third one?",How do I know I really have GAD?,4 +397,Has anyone taken all 3 of these? I have a panic and GAD and my doctor wants me to take all of these. Buspirone only as needed but I read it’s better to take it daily,"Leaxapro, Abilify and buspirone together?",4 +398,Just looking for people's experiences. I've ordered some but am a bit nervous as read that some people feel worse when they don't take one every day. Thanks.,l-theanine,4 +399,"i’m (22F) i smoke weed and i’m not on any regular medication, i don’t vape or consume nicotine only THC. for the past couple months i wake up every morning between 3-6, have this gross sick feeling in my stomach and a rise in my stomach and i poop every single morning, sometimes normal sometimes diarrhea sometimes little pebble but it really affects my stomach and happens every morning i can’t just wake up normally anymore. + +it’s like physical symptoms of anxiety the rise in my stomach and chest the anxious feeling in stomach the anxious poops but nothing mentally. i also had mild acid reflux but it hasn’t been bad lately idk if there’s any correlation but even throught the day i feel really tight and anxious right now for no reason physically and it won’t go away.",not sure if this is anxiety or something else,4 +400,Hey it’s 4:40am and I really need a convo since I’m super anxious 😪 idk what to tbh. I’m so afraid currently that I’m starting to tremble,Woke up after an hour sleeping anxious. Need chat,4 +401,,Spring has come and my anxiety is even worse!,4 +402,,Dealing with anxiety the correct way is not the easy way! It’s so hard I wish I realized this sooner,4 +403,"I have a bit of a choking phobia well when I say but I means a lot. + +It causes me to panic but not very often. +I know it’s irrational I have never choked on anything … ever. + +I get mucus as I have a deviated nasal septum and sometimes that even makes me panic. + +I left my husband a few weeks ago and I am on my own now. +My god the choking anxiety has got so much worse to the point where I am panicking about the slightest change. + +I’m putting in the work and seeing a therapist and getting some medication from the doctors which I haven’t started yet. + +I kind of just want someone to tell me this will get easier that it will pass and go back to more manageable levels. +I feel like at times it’s driving me to want to go back to my husband cos obvs I must have felt so safe there is my anxiety was much more manageable however I know that’s not a reason to stay with someone. + +Everything feels really hard right now.",Panic attacks,4 +404,"I’m not sure what to call them but they’re like nightmares but it’s not spooky scary or someone dying nightmare it’s just you in an uncomfortable situation and you have a complete anxiety attack and everyone judges you for it and insults you for being weak and all your insecurities are multiplied + +I get these kinda often and I’m genuinely curious if it’s normal or an anxiety thing or if it’s abnormal","So does anyone else have, like, anxiety nightmares?",4 +405,"Someone mentiones the word presentation and my heart rate shoots up, people at my college just say ""don't think about it"" like yeah..that will work won't it?",Does anyone else get presentation anxiety??,4 +406,"I’ve had Crohns since I was 6 years old, currently 21, and it has affected me more than I realized. My mental health is very bad and has been since 2020. My mother passed away the moment I graduated high school in 2019 and I haven’t been the same since. I don’t have any other family near me to help me out, and I’m alone in my head all the time even though I have a girlfriend. She helps me as best as she can but it doesn’t change anything once nighttime comes around. Once she’s asleep I’m back to overthinking and start crying and want to just end it all. I miss my old life, I miss what I used to have, and I’ll never be the same again. And just thinking about that kills me. I’ve been told many of times to just think about the present instead of the future or past, or don’t think badly, try to think of all the good times and BS like that but it doesn’t work for me. I’m mentally fucked up and physically with my stomach. I physically can’t work due to my Crohns, I’m on the toilet at least 5-6 times a day sometimes even up to 10 times. And it’s never pretty. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m on a small budget, and I’m just tired of feeling like this. I used to smoke weed but I’ve stopped thinking it would help out in the long run but it hasn’t been any different since I’ve quit. I will not take pills, I do not want to get addicted to anything or be stuck on psych meds. Please God can someone help me find a way to make it out. I’m so smart and I have such a good head on my shoulders but I just physically and mentally can’t work or do anything 70% of the day. Please, if anybody has any advice on what I can do to get the voices out of my head without admitting myself I would be forever grateful.",I need advice.,4 +407,"Hello All, + +Just wanted to drop in to see for those who use marijuana as a means of battling anxiety such as myself. Which strains have provided you the most relief?? I am a medical patient in the state of PA so this is fully legal. Thanks in advance.",Marijuana Use,4 +408,"I am only able to focus when I take 5mg Valium. I am then able to drive and work again. +I only take it once or twice a week but I am thinking about upping it a little cause it’s the only time i can be productive and get out of my mess.",How often do you take benzos? I am not able to function without it,4 +409,"Has anyone ever dealt with Panic/anxiety Attacks when they are driving. Started with me about 5 years ago when I swirved off the road and ever since then I get panic attacks. I am able to drive on regular roads but the highways I have the most difficult time with. It’s unbearable to deal with, especially when you have to drive often. Any one find a way to overcome and deal with it? Willing to try anything to erase this feeling and going back to driving normal. I used to love to drive all the time.",Driving Panic Attacks,4 +410,"Im feeling something hard to describe and a bit numb. I assume it has to do with anxiety, because of my breathing patterns and overthinking. + +It's triggered very easily by the confrontational tone my mom takes sometimes, it's lately about a sensitive topic. She assumes my feelings and it feels like she's arguing with me about things where there's no need to argue, because im literally just telling her how im feeling bad about the things i did wrong in my relationship and such, and she's arguing about why i keep feeling this way about it and keep blaming myself for a lot of it. She says things about my ex that i don't know how to feel about. Things like ""her life is negative and all over the place anyway and she dragged you into it"" and all that. + +I feel like when she argues with me about my feelings it's a form of gaslighting. + +I had been doing progress recovering from hating myself and seeing things more objectively concerning the relationship. + +I always feel like im pretending whenever im not doing well or when i intentionally try to get better. I never perceived i had real struggles in life. In therapy, i saw that i did have things to deal with invisibly with my family. I had set, for the last few days, on the road for feeling more authentic with myself and people around me. I felt the breakup was an obvious hurdle that i can make use of for growth without feeling pretentious about overcoming things, because of how it forced me to rethink things about myself while validating why they're there to begin with. + +Mom's argument for the relationship is just that my ex was a very negative person who's carelessly trying to gatekeep me. I spiralled so hard after a tough breakup conversation where i saw it wasnt true. I hated how i couldve been convinced of that too. I hate the person it made me. I hate how in my head i was throughoit the whole relationship, and mom contributed to that. Im too impressionable with mom. + +Somehow, these things are linked now that i write without inhibitions. I guess i'll just keep writing until this feeling of emptiness passes. + +But i was starting to like myself more as of yesterday. She doesnt know how much this approach of hers affects me! I was starting to feel like a more genuine and stoic person. + +Now im back to thinking in ways about my ex that im not proud of. I",unsettling feelings,4 +411,"I don’t feel like I have a personality, I feel boring. I know I’m probably not and I’m overthinking it but everything about me feels fake for some reason. I think I grew up my entire life fighting so hard for validation and only doing things for other people that now my personality traits feel like bits and pieces of other people and not my own. +I’ve also noticed that even though I’m 26 I am hardcore reverting into being a child. I LOVE cartoons. I LOVE squishmallows. I want pink and blue all over my living space I want to be a little kid but there’s also a constant fight against that with my adult side. Maybe im trying to heal my inner child (probably). But I just want so badly to feel like a genuine person and know who I am. ME. it’s just been bothering me a lot lately.",Do I have a personality?,4 +412,"Hi I have a feeling that every breath that I take is gonna be my last or that I'm goin to collapse and its crippling me , I cannot walk more than a couple of meters now and have no quality of life I feel so desperate now and hopeless , has anyone else experienced this or have any advice on treatment , ive done brain scan , heart scans etc and they are coming back clear , any help at this stage would really appreciated as I don't how much more of this I can take and I have a young family",Feel terminally ill but tests are coming back showing nothing,4 +413,"I just came back from a semester abroad during which I basically completely dropped using sertraline which I’d been using for years, simply because I had no daily routine and forgot basically every day. + +Now I’m back and my anxiety is worse than it’s ever been and I stopped seeing my old psychiatrist before I left since she was horrible, so I’m still searching for a new one. I still have the meds and they’re not expired, but surprise surprise, I’m too anxious about what could go wrong to take them without medical input. + +I feel horrible and my mom basically blew up at me the other day saying how we went through so much effort to make sure I had enough medication to last me during my time abroad and now I’m suffering for basically no reason. And she’s absolutely right and I’m so mad at myself.",So incredibly mad at myself for stopping my medication,4 +414,"I'm on 30mg propranolol a day (plus Effexor) for anxiety, panic attacks and depression. It seems to work pretty well except some days I am tired. My GP did comprehensive blood tests a few months ago and everything was normal. I'm also on Acetazolamide for idiopathic intracranial hypertension. I can't stop worrying about my health and lately, my anxiety has been centred around fatigue. I can sleep up to 10 hours a day sometimes and take naps at least twice a week. I'm really worried that I have cancer or a heart problem. I'm young (24) so I know it's unlikely but I cannot stop worrying.",Tell me about propranolol fatigue,4 +415,"I haven't slept in two nights and I've been drinking too, I was hoping the alcohol would knock me out but it hasn't. My girlfriend is asleep beside me and I really don't wanna wake her but I'm concerned because I've been convulsing and my heart kinda of aches too. I also haven't eaten so I'm completely drained of energy but I'm trying to stay hydrated...I just don't know what to do anymore.",I feel like a car idling and the gas is in full throttle.,4 +416,"I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks since I was a little kid. Always thought I was having a heart attack. I was always told it would get better. After a decade of therapy and 6 years of medications it’s gotten so bad. I can’t do anything anymore. I can hardly leave the house. I don’t have any friends to call. My symptoms have evolved to much worse, and much scarier things. I’m coming down from a panic attack right now and my face, arms, chest, and feet felt like they were burning up. That hasn’t happened before. And I’ve been having some other scary new symptoms the past week, but of course I don’t know if it’s anxiety or a legitimate problem. And I can’t afford to see a doctor even if I wanted to do so. A few months ago I had one where my face started going numb. I sobbed in the car with my hand hovering over “911” on my phone waiting for the stroke. I live with my parents still, but they are going out of town for 2 weeks, and I will be completely alone. My panic attacks get horrendous at night. Recently they have given me some really dark thoughts. Sometimes I wish I was dead so at least I wouldn’t have to deal with this ever again (ironic because I’m terrified of dying). I think “what if”? Knowing my parents are here at least gives me some sense of safety (not much, but some). But now I’m going to be completely alone. I’m so scared and so embarrassed cause I’m a grown adult who is sobbing because she’s scared of mom and dad going away. I genuinely do not have a single person to help me.",I need advice. I’m really tired and scared (TW: suicidal thoughts),4 +417,"I'm pretty sure this is okay, but I wanted to reach out and make sure. I'm prescribed xanax and my Dr told me to take it 3-6 hours after drinking if I've drank. I had some red wine (about 3oz) It's been under three hours but i'm very anxious and can't handle it haha- so I took .25mg (half of my usual dose) will I be ok?",Xanax after drinking hald a glass of wine (~3oz),4 +418,"To preface, I am not clinically diagnosed with anxiety. However, I'd like to think that there's something going on in my brain that's resemblant of anxiety. I'm not sure where else to post this, so my apologies if this is an inappropriate subreddit to do so. + +I've come to realize that I have a deep fear of hitting people. I don't believe this was induced by anything during my childhood - I led quite a happy, normal one. However, I've recently realized that I would never hit someone even if it came down to self-defense, and it's quite deterring. I simply can't bring myself to cause direct physical damage to someone - it feels like my muscles just disintegrate on me and my brain is doing everything possible to convince myself not to hit them. I don't know if I'm overthinking this or if this is something of genuine concern?",Fear of Hitting People,4 +419,"I’ll be honest I don’t exactly know the point of this post other than I’m really really tired of living and feeling the way I am. From ages 8-15 my life was terrible. My family was broken apart and pitted against each other, there was verbal and mental abuse every day, seeking help wasnt an option and it was all made to seem like normal life. 6 years later I’m still dealing with it. I know my anxiety and depression originated from my childhood and I know I have realistically nothing to worry about but no matter what I tell myself, what I prove to myself, how hard I work or how happy I try to be it’s never enough for me. I have a good job that I am interested in but it has turned into a nightmare. Even though I’m good at it literally as soon as I get off on my way home I will start having anxiety about potential fuck ups I can make and the work I have to do tomorrow. I’ll stress about work at least 50 more times before I clock back in the next day. I mean even when I sit in my car for lunch I start getting anxious. I see my friends maybe once a month due to a lack of motivation or interest in seeing anybody. It takes a long youtube video and about 30 minutes just to tell my brain to STFU and sleep. I dwell on my fuck ups and I’m scared shitless of letting people down. I say yes to basically anything anyone asks me to do (I actually think I’m scared of what people will say or do if I say no). The anxious feeling of what if stops me from meeting new people, going to fun places with my friends and enjoying life. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore and I rarely get excited about things. I feel very emotionally numb to everything EXCEPT stress, fear, worry, and anger. My anxiety and depression was a main factor in my first and last failed relationship due to me being so numb to myself and my SO. I feel like I care about nothing. I don’t find pleasure or happiness in being around my friends, doing the things I love or anything fun. My biggest problem and the main reason I’m making this post is that I don’t talk to ANYONE about it. I absolutely hate having to talk about how I feel and what I’m thinking, even if it’s not about anxiety. All of my fear and worry starts and lives in my head and my head only. I actually get embarrassed having to talk about that shit. I’m just tired of feeling numb, I’m tired of not having fun, I’m tired of this emptiness and I’m tired of feeling and thinking so many things I don’t understand. But this has been my entire life. It’s not an on and off thing. It’s how I think and how I feel constantly and at this point it feels like normal life. Im scared that no amount of work, or therapy will fix it because I feel like I basically have to rewire my entire brain and lifestyle.",Severe anxiety,4 +420,I really struggle with this in person and also at work on webcam. Whenever I look at peoples eyes it feels like a kind of burning then it just induces a horrible panic feeling too. I was once told in therapy to look over a person’s shoulder instead but people end up saying what are you looking at. I just feel so abnormal not being able to do this,How do you make eye contact with people?,4 +421,"just wondering if anyone else made this connection, and curious of others experiences.",nicotine making anxiety worse?,4 +422,"So I’m not too sure if this is the correct place to post this or get advice, but I’d just like to hear what people have to say about it. + +I’ve been working at my engineering job for 4 years now. It’s a decent job with VERY good pay and decent hours that work for me. But for the same amount of time it has been the main source of my anxiety. It’s quite a tricky job with a lot of learning involved, and it’s taken me a long time to get to grips with. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the process and with some parts of the job I still feel anxious about what I’ll have to do or about making mistakes while doing those things. + +The main thing however is the environment, and one particular person in it. We’ll call him Bob (say hello Bob). He used to be my team leader, but stepped back from that role to become team engineer (still a somewhat ranked role in itself but more technical) and is one of the most experienced and gifted guys at the place, having been there for decades at this point. Let me preface by saying a good chunk of the time this guy is ok. + +However, Bob is VERY hotheaded and temperamental, and can be passive aggressive, will openly berate people for innocent mistakes and will make “jokes” about co-workers and their abilities/performance that often seem to have a hint too much opinion behind them (often to the point where you’re not sure when he’s joking and when he isn’t). He takes his job very very seriously, often to the point of some sort of corporate Stockholm syndrome devotion (that may be an exaggeration but you get what I mean). As an example, he’s gone off on one at me before for not working much overtime and he has commitment and that’s why he does loads (implying I don’t pull my weight by not working weekends etc). + +His whole demeanour makes me extremely uncomfortable and feel intimidated, because I don’t know when he’s gonna be in one of his bad moods or take issue with something. It’s been joked about before whether we’re gonna get Jekyll or Hyde today. + +About 2 months ago he openly berated (near shouting) in front of the whole team and my manager for misplacing a tool during an audit (which I understand is a bit negligent, but I did find it quickly afterwards), it was embarrassing and made me feel small, especially since that could’ve been handled in a far more professional manner. The other day, he made a comment about my rate of work, rhetorically asking “jokingly” why I can only do 1 of something while he can do a lot more in the same amount of time. Funnily enough he’s done that multiple times in the past and it never fails to make me feel heightened and worthless. I get that I’m a slow worker and not the most skilled, but he makes it out as if I’m lazy and not bothered about my job… I am very much the opposite. I just have less experience and work at a slower pace than most because I worry so much about getting things wrong. + +I just don’t find Bob very approachable and that makes it even more difficult because he’s our team engineer, which means sometimes I have to ask him questions. But it’s been very often that he’s responded to questions as if they’re stupid or something I should’ve known already. + +What doesn’t help is that for the longest time the team has enabled his behaviour, saying to me “don’t take it personally, it’s just the way he is”. Even recently when another team member was talking to me like crap and I spoke to my manager about it after finally having enough, I mentioned Bob and while he spoke to the other person and she hasn’t bothered me since, he said he wasn’t gonna talk to Bob at this time because it “requires a far more delicate approach”. From what I understand Bob has his own issues, one of them being bad anxiety but it seems like he’s dealing with it in very unhealthy ways. + +At this point, I’m just not sure what to do. I don’t feel like I can ask my manager to do something about it because of his Bob might react or what he might do. It’s not like the company would do anything anyway because he’s so good at his job and does a hell of a lot. I could move teams, where the work would be more challenging so I could be Maliki life harder for myself. But if I stay I have to stay in an environment that makes me constantly anxious and seriously affects my mental health, to the point where just leaving my job has crossed my mind in moments of madness. + +Any advice or ways to maybe cope with this would be really welcomed. + +TL;DR my job and a person there make me incredibly anxious, and I don’t know what to anymore.",My Workplace Makes Me Anxious,4 +423,"I have a job interview in 10 minutes and went to the hairdesser beforehand. She asked me if we should wash my hair and I declined bc I don‘t have enough money. So she asked me if I was sure. And instantly I felt bad about my hair, as I thought it was greasy. Now I‘m freaking the f out and I don‘t know how to calm myself. I hope the interviewer doesn‘t look at my hair obviously.",Omg I hate it,4 +424,"Hi everyone, I wanted to just put a note here to see if this is a common symptom people experience (even with medication). + +Ever since 2020, I developed severe anxiety that seemed to arise behind the wheel. It started with little things; I would hit a bump and would spend a little longer looking in the rear view mirror than I ordinarily would. + +Eventually, it escalated to the point where I would compulsively circle blocks or pull over just to make sure that these bumps and potholes were not pedestrians. And if I did circle a block, usually there would be OTHER potholes or bumps, which would lead to a mental downward spiral that drove me, quite literally, to insanity. It was one of these spirals that led to my first trip for psychiatric evaluation. + +After beginning medication, this generally subsided to a manageable level, and with CBT I was doing pretty good. Then, in December of 2022, my wife and I were stopped at a red light when us and two other vehicles were completely totalled by an F350 who rear ended us, travelling at roughly 80 KMh. He ran from the incident. Everyone was miraculously not seriously injured, but I’ve been set back to pre medication levels of anxiety while driving. + +This hyper-vigilance (I drive quite a bit) has now lead to significant physical illness for me. From stress, I’ve ground my molars to completely flat, and the tension within my body from being so, braced? I guess? And overly vigilant while driving, is really locking me up. I’ve gained a lot of weight, too. It’s lead to serious depression as I’ve built a life that requires me to have a limber body. + +Does anyone have any similar stories to share? Or even just some relevant encouragement… I’m really getting to the end of my rope lately because of this. + +Thank you beautiful humans, please drive safe and treat yourself gently.",Driving Anxiety,4 +425,It feels like I’m dying. My back hurts and my chest feels sore and heavy. I’m scared something bad is going to happen to my heart. I vaped a lot these past couple of years and I feel like it’s taking it’s toll. Everyone tells me it’s anxiety but I feel like my heart is damaged. It feels like I might die tonight.,Chest pain feels like I’m dying,4 +426,"I recently started DBT after anxiety and depression became nearly unbearable for me, and the specific distress tolerance skills and suggestions (like hundreds of ideas about specific activities to do when feeling any kind of way) has been the most life changing thing I've learned. I know DBT is expensive and inaccessible to a lot of people, but [here is a link](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/577d2ce937c58194f7d39816/t/60c7e92fa3583448b8c6fa19/1623714139969/dbt_skills_training_handouts_and_worksheets_-_linehan_marsha_srg_.pdf) to the PDF my group uses. The distress tolerance section has a plethora of information and strategies to combat anxiety and low moods, and I highly suggest just taking a look in case anything jumps out at you. My personal favorite is the TIP acronym - cold temperatures like a cold shower or ice pack on your face, intense exercise for a brief period of time like jumping jacks for one minute, paced breathing or breath work (sometimes even fast paced breaths for thirty counts then holding as long as you can), all of which help trigger a system response that physically changes your state. Or very sour candy that distracts your brain for a second to snap out of it. Basically a bunch of tangible ideas to try out during a moment of panic. Just thought I'd share if anyone is looking for ideas. Love you all <3",For anyone struggling with fairly severe anxiety episodes - I highly recommend DBT distress tolerance skills.,4 +427,"So I haven’t been to see a doctor in about two years because I was insanely nervous about what they might find. I was hit by a car Sunday so I finally went to see a doctor today. While talking to the doctor I mentioned I get sharp pain right under my ribs often. She said it might be my gallbladder and ordered an ultrasound. Initially I didn’t think anything of it but now I’m up at midnight googling everything I can about gallbladder cancer and convincing myself I have it. I’m 24 and all of my blood tests came back in the normal range, both my age and the blood tests are good when it comes to gallbladder cancer. The only symptoms I have are the pain and slight persisting nausea. I don’t know why I can’t let this go. I would love advice from anyone else that has medical anxiety!",Crippling medical anxiety,4 +428,"I’m a trans guy and my parents found out recently. Ever since they will randomly bring it up to me, usually crying to me about how they feel like they’ve raised me wrong and how horrible they must be treating me for me to ‘decide to’ be a boy (obviously they’re transphobic). As you might expect, these conversations are very anxiety-inducing for me and have also negatively effected my mental health otherwise. However, one of the worst parts is that I no longer feel safe in the house or even in the car if my parents are driving, because they literally bring it up whenever they want as long as we’re alone. I’m just always so much more anxious than I already was with diagnosed anxiety and I have no idea what to do.",My anxiety has skyrocketed due to my parents,4 +429,"Hi. You can call me ClarityHound. I've never posted on reddit before, and i've rarely posted anywhere else. I'm terrified of people, and the idea that someone, probably multiple strangers, are going to read the words I say is absolutely terrifying to me. + +But I'm lonely. + +It's not that I don't like people. I've had very close friendships with people throughout life, I've just never made the first move. I guess I'm posting this to change that and I thought this would be a good place to start. (also if i start playing factorio before doing this, im never gonna do it) + +&#x200B; + +Tl;Dr : Hi reddit, you terrify me, lets be friends + +edit: I forgot this isn't my first post, but it is the first one where im brutally honest about myself so eh",This works for a first post I guess,4 +430,anxiety nausea is driving me crazy i cant even go to school without being sick i have to many absent days. does anyone know anything that helps?,does anyone know how to stop anxiety nausea?,4 +431,"It is around 68% and I'm trying to get better but today I have a speaking practice and German test and I'm just so anxious about it. The reason I don't go isn't because of the work itself, it's just the going out into college and being around people and the huge gaps between lessons",My attendance in school is so bad,4 +432,"When my anxiety gets bad I get bowel discomfort. My digestion is poor, and I basically get what amounts to an IBS flare up. I had some anxiety for a couple of days this week and I have been in agony for about 4 days now, long after the anxiety subsided. Last night my gut hurt so bad I couldn't even sleep. + +I may actually have IBS and it may actually be tied to my anxiety, I don't know. Can anyone else relate to this?",Does anyone else have an extremely sensitive gut due to anxiety?,4 +433,I over think and catastrophisize everything so much. I end up ruining everything. Any tips? Or any experiences you guys want to share?,How do you deal with the anxiety of having a crush on someone or starting a new relationship,4 +434,"Im 23f. When I was 17 I was one of the reasons a girl with anorexia was excluded from her friendship group. I feel immensely guilty and have since apologised to her, at the time it happened and a few years after. + +I am in therapy and my therapist tells me not to worry about it anymore, but I can’t help but feel I deserve punishment for what I did. Like, to lose a partner, not have a family, etc. I feel like it’s just for me to lose out on something because she got something taken away too. I definitely faced consequences - the teachers didn’t like me as much afterwards and I got excluded from a party as well. + +I keep punishing myself and wonder if there’s a karmic force out there that will punish me. Do I deserve punishment? Should I just let myself be happy? I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy. I’m not sure if this is my anxiety talking though. + +If there’s anyone with some advice or been through similar feelings I would appreciate any input :)",Do I deserve punishment for this mistake?,4 +435,"So I was doing the child pose and felt like I'm gonna instantly sleep. Right at that moment my heart kicked in, pounding, I felt so heavy, whole body was so heavy, then I did 3-4 cycles of box breathing and my heart was back to normal within 30 seconds. Still feel jittery and weak after. + +Can someone help explaining this please ?",Panic Attack after yoga pose (almost slept),4 +436,"I'm 23 and my anxiety started with health anxiety, and once I learnt how to deal with that it seems to have transformed into intrusive thoughts about past mistakes and how they could affect me now. + +As a child or teenager (ages 10-18) I was just a really attention seeking person. I said lots of provocative jokes because I wanted to be different from everyone, and sometimes I lied about myself or my family or other things. I still have close contact with some of the people who I was friends with when I was a person like that. They don't ever bring up anything I said in the past and I don't feel judged by them because of those things. + + But it doesn't change the fact that I really hate myself for acting like that. My brain keeps reminding me of all of those things that I spent years not remembering. I know that regretting it means I have grown and am not that person anymore, but I still feel so guilty and feel like I don't deserve to forgive myself or move on. I feel like I should punish myself by remembering those things and never be able to live like they didn't happen. I really hate to think that I'm going to have to live my life having those memories and knowing it was me and noone else who used to act like that. I want to just focus on the present but I feel like I don't deserve it. I can't even force myself to study because it feels like I don't deserve to be successful in the future. + +Does anyone have any advice regarding this? I spent the last 3 days beating myself up over something I said when I was 15... I just want to live without thinking about the past like I did before those intrusive thoughts were so intense",intrusive thoughts about past mistakes,4 +437,"For instance, I'll always catch myself doing it if I'm stressed over like, talking to or being around people, or waiting for a doctor's appointment or things like that. Does anyone else get that with their anxiety/stress? + + I've also noticed that when I'm stressed I'm noticeably more anxious and my body shaking and thoughts and feelings overall get worse. + + Anyone else experience these things? Haha this sounds stupid but I'm posting it anyways because I'm just curious hahaha, 🥲 + + + Edit: I also get some brain fog ( not remembering things somwtimes, doesn't happen all the time, maybe a few times a a week if im particularly stressed and or anxious about something important) as well, but I'm not sure if it's apart of my anxiety or if it could be something entirely different.",Does anyone else unconsciously tense up/clench your jaw/ mouth when stressed? Or have other symptoms along with your anxiety?,4 +438,,What is the weirdest or worst symptom anxiety has given you?,4 +439,"First, I had a particularly bad flair-up of IBS (maybe a couple of weeks ago) - I haven't had pain from it quite that bad in a good while. Then I had a cold, which I thought was on its way out. The small of my back gets a pinched nerve every so often, and that flaired up pretty badly. And now I might be developing a chest infection from the cold that doesn't seem to want to shift. + +What's going on? Could it be stress that's causing all of this?",I've had three completely separate illnesses in quick succession. Could this be stress?,4 +440,"I struggle from extreme health anxiety and it has exponentially gotten worse. A few days ago I discovered two big red dots on my neck and fully convinced myself that I was bitten by a rabid bat either during the daylight or while I was asleep. I had a full mental breakdown, searched my room for bats, and had an anxiety attack. I went to see a NP and a PA and both told me that it is not a bat bite. I have not seen any bats near me and while the doctors told me to calm down, I simply cannot. Today my throat started hurting but I genuinely cannot tell if I am only imagining that. It is impacting my life so much and I don't know how to stop being so anxious. It has been so hard on me, and my friends who I am driving crazy. Please be kind and maybe you can help talk me out of my frantic rabid state haha.",I need help to stop my health anxiety,4 +441,"I’ve not had a brilliant experience with SSRIs and I’m looking into SNRIs or alternatives for GAD. I’m not sure whether I wanna go back to meds or not, but I feel untethered without anything. Thoughts?",Looking for an alternative to SSRIs.,4 +442,"Hi I managed to get through my appointment today, but they told me I have to come back for 4 fillings and a root canal and now I'm petrified. + +Does anyone have any idea what I can do to relax before and during my appointment and also if anyone can explain what happens during these procedures I'd be really grateful. + +Also, I'm 17 so anyone have any guidance on how to tell my parents I have bad teeth?? As they expect to be perfect but due to other mental health issues I haven't been taking care of them hence my cavities + +Also, how do you know to trust a dentist? Is it normal for them to look in your mouth for like a minute and tell you what needs to happen? + +They didn't take xrays btw. + + +TIA",Dentist Anxiety,4 +443,"I have chronic anxiety. I don't want to take my pills everyday, as my family has addiction issues at every twist and turn. But I'm a mom, I have an almost 5 year old and my husband is military so he's gone sometimes. When he's gone my son likes to act up, doesn't want to listen at all. I'm working on it with him, I'm trying to be productive. My anxiety poses a pretty big difficulty as it turns into pretty bad irritability and aggression when I'm dealing with frustrating situations. The only way I've found to help (which it actually doesnt) is to take on a bland monotonous tone. I'm struggling to find other ways to communicate with him so that we're both calm and hopefully things can get resolved peacefully. I just feel so bad when it ends up being too much and I snap at him.",Anger/irritability,4 +444,"I got this weird virus it’s not the flu or covid but right before I got sick I got so panicky for a few days and then once I got sick my panic got 10x worse. I’ve been sick for a week now and since I’ve been so sick I’ve been sad because I wanna get better so I’m having some negative/sad thoughts it sucks because this didn’t happen till I got sick + +I also read that having a virus lowers dopamine and seratonin so that could be what I’m experiencing",Anyone’s anxiety/depression get worse when you are sick???,4 +445,"Every time I find myself having fun or being in love with someone, I can't help but think about how one day they'll die. It robs me of all joy.",Why can't I stop thinking about death,4 +446,"Anyone feel super awkward simply walking into a crowded room? Or even just lightly populated? + +Awkward like: where do I look? Am I walking normal? Are people looking at me (not in a narcissistic way, but a low self confidence way)? + +I’ve had this issue my entire life. This could be as simple as being at a somewhat crowded gym, completing a set in a designated area, and walking across the room to grab paper and sanitizer spray to wipe down my station. Or walking past a parked car with people in it. + +Is this a different level if anxiety or are there others out there who experience this?",Walking in a crowded room,4 +447,"Hey so this is a pretty weird situation I'm in, but I've only just realized that my recently turned severe anxiety could possibly have a connection to me getting goosebumps all the time. First, I get a bad full body chill from high stress and boom, my skin is goosebumpified for the entire day. It's just a weird symptom that I wonder anyone else had.",Anyone get constant goosebumps from anxiety?,4 +448,"I wish these past few months were all a joke. Life really said, “Oh, let’s make all these bad things happen to her and see her suffer, yay!” Bonus points because Life made my hereditary anxiety pop out at full force to. + +It first started when my dog started to act not normal. Her head would keep tilting every which way like she was drunk and eventually kept looking at the ceiling. It got so bad to the point where she couldn’t walk or wouldn’t eat anymore. It got worse during the weekend and we don’t have an emergency vet near us so we had to call an on call vet from our clinic to come and look at her. He didn’t really say much about her, just figured that it was neurological. My mom planned to bring her back to her regular vet on Monday so they could further help her. She kept having seizures throughout the day as well and had labored breathing. My mom laid with her on the couch at night and watched the clock, waiting for 7 am to arrive. My dog didn’t make it through the night. She died at 3 in the morning. + +I woke up that morning to my mom and dad telling me that she passed away. I got up out of my bed and quickly walked to the living room because I wanted to be with her. She died laying in her little bed that she loved. My family came and sat around her, crying and telling her that we love her. I didn’t want it to be real. I wanted to say, “Mom, dad, she’s just sleeping she’ll wake up and start barking any minute.” But reality came back and that’s when I knew, this is really happening. + +I went to school the next day. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to stay in my bed all day and sleep. I was so tired. I couldn’t even pay attention to what the professor was saying because I felt numb and detached from reality. After I got out of class I started feeling like I couldn’t breathe. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My chest hurt bad too. I started to take my anxiety pills again after that. + +I never had anxiety this bad before. I realized it’s not like a cold that you can shake off. It sticks with you everywhere you go for a long time. I started off getting shortness of breath and chest pain. Then it turned into feeling like my skin and heart were on fire and panic attacks that would jolt me awake at night and keep me up until 6 am. It did get better with time once I learned how to manage it. + +A few weeks later I was sending out reminders to my bridesmaids that dress shopping was coming up. I had reminded them months before because I wanted to make sure everyone could be there. I hadn’t heard from one of my bridesmaids in about a month so I reached out to her to see if she was doing ok. She hadn’t given me a response. The next day I asked if she was still coming, no response. On Saturday, we arrived to the boutique to pick out bridesmaid dresses. She didn’t text or call and didn’t show either. She finally texted me the day after telling me she was backing out of being a bridesmaid. I was fine with that but wish she had communicated with me better. + +A few days after that I found a couple of black scuff marks on my car. There’s a little crack by the marks to. Turns out somebody side swiped my car and I didn’t even see it until now. I figured I probably got hit in the college parking lot while I was in class so I called college security and had to meet up with an officer to give them specific time frames to look at in their security camera footage. I’m so sick of people hitting my car. I think my car has gotten hit about 5 times now. I got so anxious about telling my dad. + +I hope Life gives me a break after this. I desperately need one.",I believe Someone really has put a curse on me this year.,4 +449,It happens every single time. People tell me that they care about me and they’re my friend and yet my phone is so dry and this is not an exageration. I can feel myself dying from the loneliness,The sad truth is . If i dont text people first ill never hear from them again,4 +450,"So I've worked crappy dead end jobs for the past 10 years, and I'm just sick of this life. I'm sick of getting bitched at by customers while making very low money. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to finally find a job that pays well and that doesn't make me want to die by the end of the week. + +I've been apply to pretty much anything at this point and I was finally able to get an interview for a supply chain job. Its entry lvl and the pay is low, but its way higher than what I make atm so I want it. + +The only problem is that since I've never had a ""real"" or difficult job, I'm scared that I won't be able to land it, and if I do somehow land it, I'm worried that I'll end up messing up and getting fired. + +How do I get rid of this fear? My interview is on Friday and I'm panicking hard right now.",Fear of changing job and bettering myself,4 +451,Do you have the will and discipline to treat it as important as it is?,Meditation can alter your whole life,4 +452,I am really struggling right now and to make matters worse I am out of town for work. For about the last 5 or 6 hours I have had this sensation of butterflies in my stomach and an uneasy feeling that I cannot kick. I’ve had anxiety issues for 20 years and my recent physical and blood tests say I am healthy but I am worried this is something worse than anxiety. I cannot figure out anything to do to get rid of this feeling and it is awful. Tempted to go to the ER but that usually results in several hours of more motoring and being told anxiety. Unfortunately I do not have any medication like Xanax so I am feeling really lost and scared. Does anyone else have anxiety present like this and for such a long period of time?,Can my anxiety present as a constant feeling of butterflies or adrenaline in my stomach?,4 +453,Meeeeee🙋🏽‍♂️,Who else has a nervous stomach and closed throat right now?,4 +454,"Was standing in a room full of people for a work presentation. I was at the front and wasn't the focus but could be seen by many. I was bored so my mind was just humming along. Then intrusive thoughts came, then a worse one. Then i was thinking i need to leave, then I knew i can't, i can't leave i can't have space i am stuck, i need to run, then the room started kinda spinning and i got light headed. I grabbed a chair and sat down, nobody really cared but if i had not found a chair i don't think i could have lasted without making a scene or passing out. + +I guess this is about intrusive thoughts spiraling out of control. + +I didn't get a good nights sleep last night maybe that could have happened.",Almost first public panic attack,4 +455,"Im 18 and i used to always have rlly bad episodes where I felt like I was physically sick I couldn’t sleep breath or my heart didn’t work properly. I started medication about a year ago and for the most part like everything basicallt stopped since I never was like a thinking anxiety much type of person. But now idk I feel like I lost so much of myself due to not having anxiety in a way idk how to describe it. Besides from my emotions not being so severe which is good but also not what I’m used to. As well as my grades are doing so bad and I have a constant thought of the world not being real. I literally have no modivation about school and I’m doing so bad to my standards of what I’m used to. I’m not sad but I’m not happy either, and things do not excite me as much I guess. I also feel like I never had anxiety despite being diagnosed by 3 different people. I feel like I have so much to say and I think so much about life and different things but I don’t at the same time. It’s really confusing for me and I just wanted go share somewhere",Im so confused about my anxiety,4 +456,"I'm (30s F) feeling hurt by this interaction with a friend of a friend (also 30s F) who I thought might want to be friends with me (but evidently doesn't) and need help processing it/some feedback on it. On top of my social anxiety, I have other anxiety disorders, depression and am possibly on the spectrum so socializing is extra extra hard for me and I really am lacking in friends. + +Here's the situation: + +**July 2019:** Was at a friend's wedding out of state and met one of her other friends who lives in my state, about 30-40 min away from me. We hit it off and she said she's always looking for new friends and it would be cool to grab dinner sometime. + +**Dec 2019:** I never hear from her and reach out to find out about dinner and we schedule something, but end up canceling because she has a family emergency. + +**Feb 2020:** I check in about how she's doing, if she still wants to do dinner, and we schedule a dinner. Our mutual friend happens to be in town so it ends up the three of us at dinner together. + +**July 2020**: Pandemic is happening. She includes me on an email invite to her bday party at her house. I don't feel comfortable going so decline. + +**June 2021**: I am feeling lonely and reach out to find out how she's doing and if she'd like to go to this outdoor concert with me. She ends up not being able to make it that day, but says we should one day meet up for dinner and I agree. I remind her we had talked about some greek place that time we went out and she says ""yeah, let's do dinner soon."" + +**September 2021**: Never heard from her about dinner and reach out again. She says her next two months of weekends are booked with fall activities with friends. She mentions a few she's doing that I could join. I tell her I'd be interested in this farm visit she's doing. She tells me it'll probably be some weekend in Oct, but she'll let me know the details once it gets closer and she and her friends decide the exact day. I never hear anything. + +**March 2023 (Now):** Get a random text from her asking how I'm doing. I get excited thinking she's interested in reconnecting. I'm feeling extra depressed and lonely and friendless as more friends have moved away/lost touch. She asks if I still live where I used to and if I still work remote. Yes and yes. I ask how she's doing, but she's vague only telling me she saw another friend of our mutual friend recently and that she still lives in the same town. Then, she says the reason she is reaching out to me is because she has a friend who is single and she thought of me. She sends me all his details and asks if I was interested. + +Man, did I get so depressed! I thought she had been interested in reconnecting because she was interested in a friendship with me and regrets we never ended up hanging out again. I kept expecting her to suggest we meet up or something, but it turns out she is only interested in me for a potential date for her friend. I feel hurt that here's someone I wanted to be friends with who I (for the hundredth time) thought might want to be friends with me and I again feel rejected. + +I know I could ONCE AGAIN ask if this woman wants to grab dinner (for the 1000th time), but I feel ridiculous at this point and like a loser. She clearly is not interested in hanging out with me or I wouldn't have had to be the one to reach out to her every time AND she would have followed up on those details about the farm visit back in 2021 that she did go on. + +What do you all make of all of this? + +tl;dr: Heard from someone who I had been previously trying to befriend for the first time in nearly 2 years. Thought she was interested in the friendship, but really reached for another reason. Made multiple attempts in the past to hang out with no result and feel like a loser trying again. Can't tell if she really is disinterested in friendship or if my anxiety etc is skewing things.",Is my (30s F) anxiety screwing with me or am I correctly interpreting that this woman (30s F) is not interested in being friends with me?,4 +457,,Why do I keep feeling like I'm not actually depressed or anxious and just making excuses to avoid situations?,4 +458,"So, I've reached the point when I amassed enough courage to ask for an appointment with a psychiatrist. I've done therapy for about 5 years and never was brave enough to ask my therapist if I had either anxiety or depression. But 5 months ago I started with chronic tensional headaches - finished college and found two jobs, ended up very stressed, which I controlled after a neurologist prescribed me pregabalin. However, I've been struggling with other somatic symptoms that lead me to say, okay you waited too much, it's time to do it. Even though I hate the idea of being that self-diagnose person, I've been doing a lot of reflection and truly believe I have several symptoms of anxiety, perhaps social or general anxiety. + +I will be seeing this doc (who was very recommended to me), and I fear judgment but much much more fear is if I get prescribed meds that mess me up worse. I know she's an outstanding professional, she has appropiately medicated my bf's niece for anxiety, and honestly doubt I'd need something ""strong"" but I'm so scared of start taking meds, I fear there's no turning back from it. I fear it changes me so badly that I have bad moments at my job in front of everyone, like crying or a panic attack, or that I make an embarrassment. I don't want to lose my job since it (there are two but the full time one) has helped me to get out of my lifeless and procrastination days. + +Haven't seen my therapist lately since she had a temporary license and now I'm also unsure if I should come back because she never made me a diagnosis. My general doctor told me to come back to therapy asap. + +Sorry for the long post - I'd like to know if someone relates to this or your experiences, but mostly if you know about meds and if I'm just panicking too much or maybe I just need to know this before meeting the psychiatrist.",I'm hesitant to get a diagnosis,4 +459,"it's been 3 days but i have been super paranoid about this. + +my friend and i were hanging out and i don't remember how it was necessarily brought up but she said ""i know a girl who is very pretty but she doesn't shower"" and then asked ""do you think she knows"" after i told her idk it depends cause for some people they do and others they don't then she asked ""btw how often do you shower?"" + +i've beeb freaking out ever since then that she was throwing a hint that i don't stink but i have asked two people i trust that same day if i stink and they said no but what she said was too odd and random for it to not be a hint although she did ask me for a hug before leaving after the whole thing happened so maybe it wasn't about me? + +i have always had anxiety surrounding this issue because growing up i couldn't afford to shower everyday like i do now so i feel like she accidentally (?) triggered me i genuinely can't tell if she was throwing a hint or what",anxiety around smelling bad,4 +460,"Hi everyone, I was posting to see if anyone else suffered from anxiety and has heart issues going on as well. I have severe anxiety and I’m definitely a hypochondriac so I started taking Zoloft 3 months ago to help. However, for 2 years I have dealt with heart problems. My heart rate gets super high to the 170s at rest, I get dizzy, chest pain, and I have a low-ish blood pressure on top of that. I also noticed a couple months ago this feeling I get where I feel like my heart skips a beat and my breath gets taken away which I discovered was me having PVCs. I have done numerous EKGs which have been abnormal but my one cardiologist told me I’m a 26 year old otherwise healthy person so it’s fine. I did an echo and stress test 2 days ago so I’m awaiting those results. One of my previous cardiologists told me he believes this all stems from stress and anxiety and once I manage that it will go away, which I agree with to an extent. I had another cardiologist tell me that even if I’m stressed out having a heart rate sustain in the 170s is abnormal. I am also a nurse so I can’t tell if me having an understanding of medical stuff makes it more difficult for me to handle because I’m constantly thinking worst case scenario. I have this overwhelming fear that I’m going to be one of those people in their 20s that has a heart attack or other complication. I’ve seen people post on here previously saying their heart rate goes super high when they’re anxious but I wasn’t sure if anyone had similar experiences as me or knows anything about this. I’m sure I am overthinking this but I also don’t like the fact that I constantly have chest pain and a high heart rate.",Anxiety and heart problems,4 +461,"does anybody else experience this??? like i feel my life is going ok rn and then I get hit with dread, then I look for answers as to why and I end up thinking zombies climate world ending stuff and not sure how to cope with it. these dread feelings happen a lot at night too but when the dread feeling hits my mind wonders to all the bad and I was wondering if anybody else gets this as I have been struggling and I want to know im not alone.",this feeling of doom/dread comes over me at random times,4 +462,"I need help/insight + +I started my first this job September of my last semester of college, and I was excited to have such a great opportunity. + +From day one, I have felt very little direction at the job. I had one day of training on one of the four projects I was to oversee. The previous person in the position had left already and I was trained by someone filling in for the moment. The training I got doesn’t even scratch the surface of all that I have to do. There’s so many things don’t know how to do or didn’t know I was supposed to do. I’ve read through my manual for help and there’s not enough information. + +It seems me asking for help from my colleagues is unwanted, and something is not clear between me and my bosses. It’s like the expect me to know things I was never shown. I’ve only been trying to learn the system for 7 months (which I do understand better now). + +I feel trapped and punished. I don’t reach out, then will always be lost. I reach out and it’s a surprise. + +This my first “legitimate job” and I can’t tell whether or not I’m not good enough or if I was put in a bad situation. I want to like my job, but I honestly really dislike it due to never knowing completely what I’m doing. I have no help…and I’m on edge everyday thinking about my job.",My Job Is Depressing Me,4 +463,"Hey guys, + +so one of my anxiety symptoms that sometimes happens is that large parts of my body just go completely numb, mostly my arms, legs, chest, neck and face. + +Right now it's happening again and even though i know that it's most likely just my anxiety, my brain knows that numb = nerve problem, and that's what i can't get out of my head :/ + +I am so worried that one day i actually do have something with my nerves, but i ignore it thinking it's just anxiety and then i stay permanently numb because i didn't go see a doctor.... + +And what if one day i have a stroke and just try to ignore it because ""oooh anxiety"" + +How am i supposed to know the difference between my brain tricking me and an actual emergency?? + +I'm trying to calm down, but i keep touching my numb parts to feel if they are still numb :(",How to stay calm when my whole body goes numb?,4 +464,"Im 22ftm and ive been having a stressful time few months especially in the last few weeks. I've been to the hospital already 2 days ago becaude i had a horrible panic attack, had an XRAY, EKG, blood work, tests for heart failure. Every single one came back fine/normal/healthy. While that releived me the pains have gotten worse. My muscles are aching heavily in my shoulders/upper arm, my upper back, chest and stabbing pains in my heart. I do wanna add I have started ashwagandha maybe could be a negative reaction to that and the eyes could be the stress from the anxiety attacks I've been having? Jus wanna know if others get bloodshot eyes like this too? Id post a picture but i dont qnana givr anyone the ick. It isnt HORRIBLE jus a bunch of bloodvessels. Going to the doctor again tomorrow.",Experiencing pains and Have bloodshot eyes. Could this be serious?,4 +465,"i feel so uncomfortable idk if it’s numbness or dpdr but it’s scary, i upped my lexapro a week a go so it might be that but idk help",can’t sleep cause my whole body is numb,4 +466,"My first time posting here, and I just needed some place to vent. I've been on sertraline since I was 11 (28 now.) My anxiety ties into my OCD ( I tend to wash my hands a lot, double or triple check if something is where it needs to be. I also have health concerns for example; + +I bought a posture strap/ helper. I was adjusting it and peeling the velcro back. Something splinter like jammed into my finger. I'm assuming it's part of the velcro as it's really strong. My anxiety and OCD has been going wild since then. (Heck, I even put anti-bacterial ointment and a bandaid on it after washing it! I'm returning the product and emailed costumer service.) + +This condition can be so tiring. I joke with people that I feel like a hostage negotiator, while also being the hostage taker and hostage. (OR the Spiderman meme.) I just needed to vent and put things into words on how my mind is doing.",Anxiety with OCD,4 +467,"Anyone with anxiety around surgery have nose surgery. My main way of calming myself is 4-7-8 breathing or 4-box breathing and am a little nervous that my nose will be all blocked up. Guess I better start my mouth breathing. + +Also get anxious when on pain killers like I am out of control. I can’t relax and get anxious that the fatigue will cause me to pass out “I have the freeze response”. My wife tried to remind me the pain killers are there to help and to let my body just handle it. + +Plus I hate the anesthesia part when they cover your mouth in the waiting room. Not that I’ll die, just feels unnatural like a forced nap. My wife just reminds me that she would rather be asleep during the surgery, just wish I could really take that mindset.",Surgery on nose,4 +468,"The string snapped, the tiredness, anxiety and depression became too much so I decided to press pause and take some time out to recharge. I have taken sick leave from my job that exacerbated my anxiety, I'm going to start on anxiety medication again, I'm in counselling and I'm going to look at starting CBT. + +Enough is enough. It's time to get my life to how I want it to be,I'm not being held hostage by my anxiety any longer.","Finally taking control of my Mental Health, rather than letting it control me.",4 +469,"I've been trying to get back to work again because it seems my severe depression and anxiety won't go away and there is only so much medication and therapy can help me. Of course, I haven't tried every kind of therapy but what had been offered to me at low cost. But I've tried many medications. + +Anyhow, I feel very frustrated because after trying couple of online part time jobs (like writing marketing stuff on websites) and finding myself not motivated enough to work sufficient hours to make ends meet, I'm trying to start from zero again and do some career tests to find what motivates me. But those tests don't offer some magical information but just rely on what you're passionate about. Like they give you 50 questions and ask you how much you like doing different activities, like installing cabinets, diagnosing disease in people, giving financial advice to someone wanting to get a loan, helping a disabled person get dressed, playing a musical instrument in front of an audience, taking care of sick animals, etc etc etc. + +I hate them ALL! None of these activities excite me. Because having a job is always about what others expect of you. But mental illness sucks so much of your energy that there is so little left for the job. + +Like if I'm a cashier, my high anxiety and depression and the various thoughts and emotions and physical symptoms I experience will take so much of my energy to control and nothing left to put on a smile and make a customer feel welcome and at the same time do my job of scanning items very quickly and correctly. + +That's why I've been trying to find jobs that are just online and things I can do on my own time, so that whenever the damned mental health issues give me a break then I can do the job. The problem is there are too many people doing these jobs and they pay so little that I've had to start looking at other options. + +Damn it, I don't know what I want to hear from you, to be honest, I mean I already am so filled with self-hatred and hatred for the world, I am working myself into anger just writing about it.","I find it so frustrating as a highly anxious and depressed person to do career tests because they rely on your passion for specific activities and I find myself answering ""I dislike it very much"" to the various questions (e.g,. working in construction, healthcare, finance, whatever).",4 +470,"I hate driving to new places, and this has helped me tons: + +1. Pre-research the address: if the time is flexible, what times are the least busy (google maps is a good one to check). Is the destination open (check the website ahead of time). +2. Use Street View to check out the entire route. +3. Get your nav app all ready. I’ve found that Apple Maps (if you have this) is amazing because it will say things like don’t make right after this stoplight. Make a right at the next one. The destination is in the right, pull into the next driveway on your left, etc. +4. Leave with plenty of time to spare. Assume you will make a few wrong turns. Give yourself extra time to lose your way. +5. Research parking ahead of time. Use apps like Parking Hero. Use the city’s websites to find out the capacity of municipal parking ramps, if available. Scope out street parking with Google Street View, too. +6. Find alternatives to parallel parking. You can also park near driveways, so you can’t get parked in (easy pull in/out). +7. Dress comfortably so that if you get stressed, you won’t get super sweaty. +8. Make sure you have enough gas +9. Adjust your mirrors, clean windows, headlights for visibility, ahead of time +10. Listen to calming music/driving playlist +11. Get toll money/EZ pass ready ahead of time",Driving suggestions/tips that helped me,4 +471,"Hello everyone I'm a 20 year old Caucasian male. 5""9 155lbs. I don't smoke, i don't drink alcohol nor use any drugs. + +So it's been almost 1.5 years that I've developed some strange symptoms, that have really deteriorated my life. + +They basically started after i caught covid (i was vaccined prior with the j&j vaccine). Since then, i get heart pains all the time. They happen multiple times a day and usually last a few minutes before they go away. I've been to 2 different cardiologists who ran an EKG and echo and said that everything was fine. I also had a 48 hour Holter monitor that showed some pvc's (200/a day),but docs weren't concerned at all. + +Also after covid my WBC are basically running around the 11-13k range (before that CBC's would come back fine). They were fine before i got infected, but it's been almost 1.5 year that they won't go down. My lymphocytes are also high (45-50) and neutrophils low 35-40). Everything else comes back completely fine. I went to a hematologist and he run some tests for malignancies(leukemia) but they came back negative. + +One of the worst symptoms also is the spasms I've been getting all over my body. They can happen literally anywhere and they always last a few seconds before they go away. I've searched a lot about them and i guess it's most likely BFS (benign fasciculation syndrome). But it never stops. I think my nerve system has been permanently damaged. + +Lastly i get random aches in my stomach and usually at the upper left abdominal region. I've had an abdominal echo and it was fine. But i get random shooting pains along with painful gasses. These are the symptoms I've been dealing with the past 1.5 year. They're all so random and I can't connect them somehow. High WBC usually mean infection, so I'm guessing that an autoimmune disease might have been triggered? + +I've also found a lump in my arm. It's been there for 1.5 year as well, i showed it to my gp and he said that it's a lipoma, but it's still there. It hasn't grown but it hurts sometimes. Things like sarcoma drive my mind crazy. It feels like my body is constantly trying to kill me. + +The whole thing is causing me so much anxiety and stress. I thought that things would get better with time, but no, nothing has changed and it's been so long. I'm only 20 years old and I'm afraid that I'm gonna drop dead by a heart attack or cancer. I used to be an athlete but i stopped after all these, because i became afraid. I honestly can't live like this anymore. I've visited more than 5 doctors and nobody has a clue. Any ideas?",Would all this be caused by anxiety?,4 +472,"I have Tinnitus and the only thing that puts me to sleep is Ativan .5 mg. I know people who've been on a low dose Klonopin for years and nothing happened to them. I hate SRRIs because they give you insomnia. It's frustrating that all they wanna give you is a bunch of off label medications that have more side effects than benefits. Everyone keeps saying 'yoga, melatonin, ba bla bla..'. They wanted me to take Gabapentin which is used for people with seizures.",I hate that doctors don't like prescribing Benzos,4 +473,"Hello ,recently I've been having alot of anxiety problems because of what started to be a discomfort in the chest which now evolved to breathlessness after working out and while stationary. + +Tests that I have done and that came back normal : Adrenaline Heart test , Echocardiagram, Blood test (D-dimer included) , Chest X-Ray and soon i'm getting a 24 hour EKG. I've also tested my lung capacity by blowing into a tube. But nothing came back abnormal. + +I don't know if I should get any other tests but it is worth noting that I suspect I got covid-19 and apparently some people experience these problems aswell. + +&#x200B; + +Any advice?",Weird breathlessness problems lately.,4 +474,"I (21M) haven’t dated since high school. There’s a girl (23F) I work with that is stunning. The best smile, the whole 9. And I want to ask her on a date but I feel like a kid again with this overwhelming anxiety and anxiousness that I’ll get rejected 1) because she’s gotten burnt twice by previous coworkers and 2) I don’t have much self confidence. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep in like 3 days hence why I’m up at midnight when I need to be at work for 3. Wish me luck.",Dating,4 +475,"Ever since I had chest pain I have had many panic attacks. Does anyone else have their heart rate go up to like 180-190 range? My chest pain is gone now but when I have a panic attack, only thing that happens is my heart rate increases... please help. I'm 23",Heart rate,4 +476,,"So I usually have anxiety but last week have been feeling good until yesterday. Was very anxious about something and today I’m not but I feel physically sick. Headache, feel shakey, palpitations all day. Could it be due to yesterdays worries?",4 +477,"im 19 f. i have ocd, depression and GAD. (figuring out if i have bipolar) + +i just had a dream where i was running away from cops, led this guy which was way older than me to have sexwith his own children and i even had sex with him but he stopped midway and refused. then i led him to have sex with other children and i was going to set a trap where he could get arrested. i think i set a trap to the other times i had lead him to have sex with his children…….. but i’m not too sure if i did do the arrest part, i just have glimpses of him running from police and me thinking about trapping him for police to get him. + +the thing is, i woke up sexually turned on. but at the same time, i am scared and guilty. i am anxious because why did i wake up sexually turned on with a dream that had children in it, violence and me forcing a guy to have sex with me???? and watching and leading him to have sex with children.. + +i am panicking. i am absolutely panicking. + +i have had issues with POCD. i don’t longer have that bad of a issue with it because i recognize my ocd and how it can play in different themes. + +this makes me feel like i’m some hidden monster. why the fuck did i wake up turned on with that disgusting dream. i feel the worst amount of guilt.why did i do that in a dream? i never had a dream like this. it’s terrifying me. + +this makes it more real to me and messing with my ocd, WHY did i do these things in a dream, i know it’s a dream but i swear iv never been like that in a dream. and since i believe in signs and what if i’m actually some p3do??????? it makes me think about suicide straight away. someone help me.",i had a very concerning dream and it’s causing me to panic.,4 +478,"I've struggled with intense feelings of anxiety for years and years now. I hesitate to say that I have an Anxiety Disorder because I've never been diagnosed, but it affects my life so much that I can't be normal. I can't drive because I get too scared, I'm always terrified when I'm being driven around because I feel like we'll get into an accident or the police will pull us over, and I can't even call my family because phone calls scare me so much. I feel like I'm constantly living in fear, and I know that I want a diagnosis to help me know for a fact that this is what it is, and I really think that medication will help me. But I'm too scared to do it. I overthink about making appointments and if I have to call a doctor to make it, it's an absolute no-go. I don't know how I'm supposed to get help if I can't even take the first steps. I'm currently in therapy, which is amazing that I could even do it, and it's the first therapist that I've ever seen that I feel actually vibes with me, but I'm too scared to ask to try and get diagnosed. + + +Does anyone else struggle with this? And did anyone surpass this and end up getting the help they needed?",Too Anxious to get a formal diagnosis and medication,4 +479,"I am afraid to make new friends because as soon as I meet someone new, I start imagining how our friendship/relationship will be like. I start planning where we will hangout, the conversations we will have, and how they would be like. I start getting excited over the fantasy of them that I created in my head and my brain makes me feel like I know them and that we’re already friends even though we just met. I then get disappointed when they don’t live up to the image that I had for them; and start panicking because I’m like “wait so now where never gonna be able to go to the beach like I planned” or “they take too long to text back, they probably don’t like me and I’m annoying and I scared them away.” I throw away all my self worth just for the opportunity to live the fantasy I created. Like this guy I like did not answer me for a whole day and I assumed he dislikes me and got upset; he texted me eventually after a day and I knew I should not answer quick because for me he was a priority (he shouldn’t be we just met but my brains makes me thing I’m closer to people than it seems). I ended up answering in like 5 minutes knowing I should not have because he did not answer me for a day but I did it anyways because I really wanted to hangout with him and “live out the fantasy in my head of us hanging out and getting to know each other. How do I stop please I need help because this is exhausting and overwhelming and I am annoying and scared that I’ll scared people away.",How do I stop overthinking and seeing for people for what I want them to be instead of what they are.,4 +480,"please id appreciate any help.. LIKE ANY .. i have been to more than 4 ENT doctors and im fuming rn.. + +so it all started in december 2022 when i had a full blown panic attack that was then followed by an intense fear of d3ath and 30+ physical symptoms that didn't turn out to be terminal illnesses like i expected.. all of these weird symptoms subsided except for my sore/mucusy throat thats followed by a burning feeling sometimes..my throat feels so tight most of the time, makes a growling noise, is full of mucus and i tend to cough.. + +here are the things doctors have told me: + +1- first doctor told me its nothing but a simple sore throat and i was prescribed hot drinks and over the counter flu meds (result: nothing) + +2- told me i have GERD/acid reflux and i was prescribed Gaviscon and a few other meds related to this matter (result: felt a lil better but not that better) + +3- third doctor did a culture test on my throat and figured i have streptococcus bacteria residing and chillin in my throat , i was perscribed KLACID 500MG for 10 days and i felt somewhat better but then my throat got bad again + +4- fourth and final doctor said its a simple sore throat and prescribed me hot drinks as well.. + +...what to do fr am i dying?",my throat..my throat,4 +481,"For a while I thought I was okay. For a while, I didn't feel socially anxious. + +I don't know what went wrong, but the thought of social interaction or going out into public spaces scares the hell out of me. For a while I never went grocery shopping because I just didn't want to deal with people. I don't want to talk to my classmates at all. I would feel more better about hiding and not having to deal with anyone. + +One of the most recent issues that's sending me into a spiral is that I need to do a task that involves leadership and giving directions. But it's difficult for me to communicate. It's as if the words are all sprawled out in my head and whenever I make an attempt at talking, it just comes across as disorganized and incoherent. I'm not a leader. I can't direct. I'd rather follow than lead. + +Today was especially horrible because I'm generally a well organized person who has it together, but my classmate ended up seeing how much of a mess I am. After something fell out of my plan, I got flustered, shut down entirely. It's so embarrassing, and now I want to hide from everyone. I don't know how to recover from something like that, or show that I'm better than my anxiety.",My social anxiety has been getting worse,4 +482,"I severely messed up my mind smoking heavy pot at a young age 12-13 even though it always bugged me out. Fast forward I’m 27 with no job, I still live with my parents and I can’t problem solve or hold a conversation with anyone. + +All my friends are on the up and getting married while I’m here alone with severe anxiety. I want to end it but don’t know how to. Im 6 months sober and know I have permanently damaged my brain. Please help","Please help, someone",4 +483,"When I was talking to her about my difficult/manipulative relationship with my dad and how he suddenly started ignoring me over the smallest thing she asked me how I felt about it, when I said that I was feeling angry then she asked me “what else?” I said “maybe also disgust of him” then she again said “what else?” i got stuck for words because well that’s it? i’m not sure that i feel anything else, but she was waiting for the answer and I answered something like “confusion” then she again asked me the same question and I told her “that’s all”. and this is the part I’m not sure about: she then said “i think you also feel sadness, tell me do you want to cut contacts with him?” I told her that probably yes, i’m ready for this and determined to do it. but she implied that this is not what I want and told me to think about it and tell her on the next session. since then i feel really uncomfortable with her and i’m thinking about leaving therapy. i don’t know maybe i just overthink and it’s not what it’s actually like?",Is this okay for a therapist to do?,4 +484,"i have been struggling with health anxiety and general spiraling lately, along with a host of other mental health issues. my psychiatrist recommended i try getting back on an antidepressant as they can sometimes help with anxiety (and my healthy dose of depression needs to be managed). we are thinking of prozac since i responded well to it when i was younger. + +anybody on here who responded well to SSRIs specifically in terms of their health/general anxiety? prozac in particular? would love to hear some success stories because tbh i am very anxious about starting but am desperate for relief.",SSRIs?,4 +485,"There is nothing worse than when you get to self checkout and there are literally no bags. They’ve started doing this at chains around me long ago and I still miss plastic bags! + +Bringing reusable bags feels like putting a target on my back😅 not quite literally but I feel like I stand out as one of the few people usually entering with something in my hand, that I’ll probably put my groceries in while shopping.",Bringing reusable bags to the grocery store feels so off,4 +486,"in the recent few years i've very well acknowledged that i am a pretty anxious person and i kinda got used to it. but something that still bothers me is my separation anxiety and the constant fear of being abandoned by my friends. i don't know how to go about it, especially now that i have a best friend to whom i can't talk all the time, whenever i want or need to. they seem to be more of the avoidant style. i find it very difficult to go through my day if whenever i think of them and talking to them, i have to stop myself and 'give them space.' i don't mean this in a selfish way, naturally i am a pretty understanding person. i try to control my 'urges' for contact, which i crave a lot, but it's been getting harder as the days go by. most of the time i don't even have something important to say, it's just my thoughts and things i mention throughout the day, but i feel blue when i remember that they do not 'prefer' texting everyday because that is something that i really like, want and need. i try my best to respect their boundaries and i am the one to 'adapt' to their needs for space. just recently i started wondering whether it is okay that i bring this up as a boundary and a need of mine. i feel like i've often been the one to change for them and it's been getting to me lately. i don't mean any harm to my bestie and we don't have any other 'unsolvable' problem except for this one. is it okay to text them? is it selfish? i get a lot of thoughts and i address them as anxiety but it doesn't get any easier even when i am fully aware of that. i just wish to put an end to this. it has been affecting my mood lately, i check the messages app hundreds of times only to see no texts from them. i get anxious waiting for a reply and even more anxious when i first think of something to say. it just pops into my mind and i happily open the app but as soon as i start typing i remember the situation and feel guilty about texting them. but then again, i feel very empty if i don't. how do i go about this?",separation anxiety,4 +487,"Hello all, + +I am 22M and been struggling since December when I had a marijuana induced panic attack. First time smoking and I only did it to make my sister feel more comfortable with smoking since it’s something she enjoys. Like an idiot, I took an absolutely heroic bong rip and had a full mental breakdown for the next 2 hours before I finally woke up and felt mostly normal. I felt okay the next day and then after a week I was very stressed at work and out of nowhere got extremely dizzy to the point I was scared for my life. I drove to the ER and they said it was just anxiety so I drove back home and tried to sleep it off. Didn’t sleep at all for 3 days and was terrified the whole time. Since then I’ve had constant derealization, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, depression, anxiety, and horrible physical symptoms like dizziness, random headaches that come and go all over my head, body pains, stomach pain, etc.. + +Since then I’ve had 2 rounds of blood work, CT scan, MRI, seen an ENT, and a neurologist. I’ve also been given all of the following medications and more: prednisone, meclizine, clonidine, zyrtec, flonase, antibiotic ear drops. None have worked. All my tests have shown nothing physically wrong so I’d say it’s fair to diagnose as anxiety-related… though my therapist (I’m new to therapy since this all began) says he’s never had a client with such severe dizziness and brain fog. I’ve been on Zoloft for 6 weeks now and I’d say it is finally helping somewhat. I have changed doses twice from 25 to 50 and 50 to 75 in that time so I’m still adjusting. I was also taking quetiapine 25mg as a sleep aid for a few weeks but I can sleep without it now so I stopped because I wasn’t thrilled about taking an antipsychotic for off-label use to begin with. + +Overall I would say I am at about 25-30%. When I started the Zoloft I felt around 0-5% honestly. I was convinced I was going insane and would need to be in an institution during those first 2 weeks. + +I have been housebound and on medical leave this whole time so what I’m trying to do to get back to my feet is exercise daily, get outside, drive to my apartment (1hr), and work remote a few hours a day. I am soldiering through these tasks and honestly I do feel better when I’m busy. For example when I play the PlayStation I can push the symptoms to the back of my mind. But the rest of the time it feels like my conscious mind only has 25% awareness while the rest of my mind is lost somewhere else and doing it’s own thing. It also feels like my short term memory and vision are impaired but they’re not. It’s like being stuck in a dreaming state and it’s so scary and frustrating. It’s very hard to describe but I don’t have any delusions or hallucinations so I don’t believe I am suffering from a psychotic illness. + +I have suffered through so much in my life without it physically impeding me or making me question my sanity but these last 3 months have really tested me. Over the last 4 years I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression but I was able to power through 2 degrees, a long distance relationship, a breakup, and building a career I would hardly have dreamed of years ago. I know I am strong and have what it takes to get through this, but the battle is certainly long and difficult. It is unlike anything I’d have ever fathomed a human could experience. It is so overwhelming that it’s easy to think it may never end. I think it will be okay over time, because I believe in the power of the human mind and body to adjust to challenges, but I wanted to share my experience and see what others may think. I will be so grateful when I am healed and healthy because this experience has given me so many insights on what it takes to have a happy and meaningful life. I’ve learned lessons in gratitude, kindness, and compassion that I want to share with others. + +P.S. +I really look forward to getting back to the things I enjoy once I’m better: bodybuilding, soccer, vinyls, and working!",Relentless Nightmare since December!,4 +488,,Why myst people sound iratated,4 +489,like 500 time a day i think i'm gonna get fired and consumed by it. sigh.,can't get rid of fear of losing my job,4 +490,i’m about to meet with someone (never met them before in PERSON) and i’m being eaten alive by anxiety right now. does anyone have tips?,advice for social anxiety with first meets?,4 +491,I wasn’t sure where to put this but it’s causing a lot of anxiety so here I am. Im going from intense anxiety to feeling numb and empty. He was basically my father figure growing up. He taught me so much and I value his lessons more that he will ever know. I’m not sure how long he has but when I saw him this week the air felt different.I’ve just gotten a text saying he’s not going to be around much longer from my older brother. Im scared for him. He’s in so much pain now and I hope he can pass peacefully but I don’t want him to leave me. I don’t want him to leave with out knowing how much I love him. There’s so much left unsaid. I’m not religious and there’s so much uncertainty in death in my mind. The fact that he’ll be gone and I’ll never see or talk to him again is scary. I’m terrified. I’ll miss him. I’m absolutely going to spiral. I’m not sure how to grieve. I need some advice on what I do. I have a therapist and stuff. I just don’t understand how people go through this pain. Im worried this is going to lead to self destructive behaviors and I know he wouldn’t want that for me. Any advice is welcomed.,My grandparent is dying and I’m a mess.,4 +492,"I took my anxiety med today late cause I keep forgetting. They switched me to one that I have to take in the AM so I get up and rush to work and forget. Well I get home and do a few things and I can’t remember if one of those things was me taking the pill. I’m like 90% sure I didn’t so I took my chances and took one cause I get extremely irritable if I miss more than one dose.. I feel fine so far I think I’m okay. If I start to feel funny later I’ll know why. + +Like I said I’m pretty freakin sure I didn’t double dose but I’m also like 10% like.. hmmm. Anyways.. that was a stupid story.",I’m a dummy dumb,4 +493,"TW + +hi loves <33. I 16F am looking for advise on how to go forward. for some background i have moved from a small town to the big city after some majorly traumatising events that i wont get into here. but after a year after living here comfortably i had an event trigger the traumatising memories from my past. after this i have struggled with fearing when i leave the house which makes it really hard to go to school. i get so worried that i get physically sick when i have to leave. my attendance is getting really bad. i am considering home schooling but my mum thinks i wont be self motivated enough to do it my self. it got so bad that i had to go to the hospital because i tried to end my life. my mother wasn't supportive of me and just is pretending that nothing happened. so i'm starting to get really worried about not being able to finish high school. i only have two years left until so i don't know if i'm being dramatic or not. i just started medication and they haven't helped much. anyway if you got this far thanks for reading any advise would be helpfull . <33",Anxiety is effecting my school and my life,4 +494,"Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years and I’ve finally pin pointed a reason as to why I’ve been unhappy with her as of late. I don’t believe the things she says, when I ask her if anything is wrong, I dread hearing no. Nothing is going on between us, yet for a while now, I have the uneasy sense that she’s lying to me. She’s always been super honest with me, always telling me exactly what she wants, we communicate very well. Yet, when it comes to stuff as mundane as “are you okay?” It feels as though she’s telling a lie. Can anyone else relate to this? What is wrong with me?",Why must I find something wrong in my relationship.,4 +495,"I’ve had a endoscopy done on 11/12/2022. Nothing was found just just ulcer. They always find ulcer. I also had a colonoscopy done. Nothing was found + +Started yesterday. I had a meal. Right after the first bite I gotten nauseas. Then little pain in middle of chest and acidic around the mouth so I forced myself to vomit. Today I had a protein snack before running. Felt acidic while running. Went away after a while. Went home had rice and chicken and felt all nasty so I force myself to vomit it so it doesn’t it bother me anymore and I never had it like this. What’s wrong with me? GI out of town till Monday.",What’s going with me. Seriously,4 +496,"I get sharp pains in the middle of my chest when I have bad anxiety.. I’m so tired of it. I’m so scared I’m having a heart attack although I have no other pain. I just feel like a floating little pebble being carried by an ocean of anxiety waiting to reach the shore, cringe I know but that’s the only way I can word it.",Is the chest pain from anxiety dangerous to your health?,4 +497,"I was walking to exit my basement when I kicked the metal part of my racing wheel, i said every swear word I know before rushing upstairs to survey the damage, and that's when I saw the blood right where my toenail meets the toe is drizzling blood and my toe is throbbing, suddenly I start wondering if it will feel weird forever now or if it will be permanently deformed or something (it's not deformed now) and I had a panic attack so I'm just coming down off of that and the tip is numb, it still hurts and I have a bandaid on it, feeling comes back ish when I ice it and I can move it it is still on and off pain coming in waves and i am still concerned about it.",I think I broke my toe,4 +498,I could easily fall asleep anytime. Will this fatigue go away? I’m taking paroxetine for almost 2 weeks already.,Paroxetine makes me so tired and sleepy,4 +499,"Some background- I’m currently 18 and I was the girl who had a big group of friends who genuinely didn’t hate each other and kept in touch, last semester of High school I lost touch and lost many friends even my two friends of 4+ years. + +I did get diagnosed with panic disorder but I also know panic attacks aren’t the only thing I get and I can develop anxiety over many things. + +I started dating a guy early in 2022 and towards the end I had started getting anxious over texts and even looking at iMessage itself sometimes then I developed some anxiety and shakiness when I wouldn’t hear back from him for a long time. It was a dark time for me, and I noticed I started getting anxious and was having bad thoughts about myself. + +Now I met this new guy probably a week after I broke it off with my ex and he’s great, we’re not dating but definitely exclusive, but from 5pm- 9pm he doesn’t message me for a long time and I understand he’s eating dinner, wants alone time for his own things but I hate having this shakiness in my hands and it feels like a rock weighing me down and I’m shaking everywhere all over my body like I can’t move. + +Sometimes I think the solution is to tell him “hey can you text me back in x amount of time” or “I don’t like how you don’t message me for awhile” sure, short term solution but I know things will come up and he’ll eventually resent me for making him do that, and this goes way beyond him as well. + +Even if we break things off in the future I don’t want to have major anxiety over the next guy and go through these feelings again and again and I want a permanent solution. Help?",Anxiety developing over Texts,4 +500,"here's a few things i do that i think might class as anxiety; + +- bounce my leg basically all the time +- if i'm wearing a ring or something on my hand then i have to fiddle with it +- move my hands a lot +- urge to check notifications as soon as they come in +- struggle to order food/pay for stuff/ask for assistance bc i don't like speaking to people +- don't like meeting new people +- overthink 24/7 +- ask myself 'am i being annoying?' or 'do they hate me?' +- sweaty palms +- awkward around people i don't know +- bite my lip",does this class as anxiety?,4 +501,"Any other musicians/pianists who struggle with performance anxiety despite years of playing? + +How do you fight it to stop yourself from second guessing yourself on things you already know but are afraid of screwing up? + +I’m not even talking about performing in front of anyone either, literally just talking about playing over the phone for my piano teacher of nearly 29 years during a piano lesson. + +The phrase “go for it, **my name**!” My teacher used a lot when I was younger when she knew I was ready to really make a piece shine but totally lacked the confidence to believe in myself and every time I just went for it I completely surprised myself and got all excited and enjoyed whatever I was playing that much more as a result but that was usually more towards ending the piece and now I find I’m getting it even more in the middle of my study/practice and it’s really annoying!!!",Performance anxiety playing the piano,4 +502,"I have been on medication for 6 months due to repeated panic attacks that left me unable to leave the house and as a consequence, losing work and studies. Two months ago I went back to school and the truth is I'm not so bad, but these days I feel a pressure in my chest and some nausea that I felt before when I was very anxious. Is it normal or am I feeling anxious again? I take 100mg of Sertraline.",I don't know if it's anxiety anymore or it's part of feeling normal,4 +503,"I'm 24 and recently suffered my 10th concussion. You read that right. I never played contact sports or anything, I'm just unbalanced and unlucky. I've slipped in the shower, gotten bumped in the back of the head by a friend, had the back of my chair hit, and recently hit a bad speed bump that jolted my body upward. My whole head hurts all day and I just think about the damage that I've done and how it's going to affect me going forward. I feel like the entire surface of my brain is injured and dementia, my greatest fear, is unavoidable. I get concussions so easily now that I'm scared to do anything. I don't know how I'm going to get through this",Know I'm going to get dementia,4 +504,"i ran out of meds on sunday, and havent been taking them since. the withdrawal symptoms im facing is so debilitating. I'm getting brain zaps, nausea, dizziness, and of course anxiety. i havent been to school since Tuesday. my immune system is also crap, so i fall sick easily, and for the past few weeks i havent been showing up to school on Thursdays for some reason because my body just chooses to fall sick on Thursday???? so I've been missing literature lessons that only take place on Thursday. My relationship with my literature teacher is good, but i dont want her to start thinking that im doing this on purpose. im also missing chemistry lessons and im not the best at chemistry, so i feel like im just gonna get worse at it. + +I'm taking my O-levels this year which is a national exam and i hate how this is happening. I need to focus on my studies but im finding it so hard to do that. I've reached out to my form teacher for help and she's been very kind and understanding, but i still feel so incapable. I just want to be normal.",self esteem is going dowwwn,4 +505,This helps me become calm and mentally clear?! What is it... Chemicals that fry your brain? Nope... It's CBD oil: https://allianthemp.com/collections/all,Temporary relief from anxiety,4 +506,"If I thought I managed my anxiety poorly before, oh boy. This last month has been easily the worst in terms of anxiety I've ever experienced. +My first born is due in two months. Farming season is about to start. Constantly awake until 3-4 AM reeling about the real possibility of financial ruin due to the costs of having a child and the current state of the agricultural industry. The thought of changing careers only amplifies my anxiety x1000. That's the worst part, being unable to sleep. Sometimes I'll start to go asleep and the slightest noise will wake me up, or I'll just wake up in a full blown panic. I've been spending all day either being a nervous wreck and if I'm not outwardly nervous, my body is still showing physical symptoms of it. Almost like it's subconscious. Sometimes I feel like the anxiety itself is scarier than the situation I worry myself sick over. My other new trigger is every little ache, pain or cough I get I spend the entire day spiraling down a hole thinking I'm obviously dying and I won't be there to see my daughter's first steps and the farm that's been in my family for 5 generations will be sold because nobody will be there to take care of it. +I hate the physical symptoms the most. The fast heartbeat, constantly being on edge, body and headaches. It's like even if I think I'm getting a rope around my anxiety, it's still there in my subconscious wreaking havok on me. +I'm sorry if this was convoluted or hard to follow. I just don't have many people I can talk to, and if I can, they have a hard time understanding just how hard this affliction makes things. These things I'm worried about are valid, certainly, anybody who isn't nervous about having a kid isn't in their right mind I suppose, but having a generalized anxiety disorder coupled with panic attacks in the first place just makes it hell on earth and makes you not only question your own abilities but also question your own sanity at times.",It's like an unending barrage.,4 +507,"Hi everyone, + +This is my first time posting on here and this may turn out to be an essay but please bear with me and read to the end. I promise to make this as concise as possible. + +I'm in my late 20's (male) and have had anxiety since the beginning of high school. It felt super overwhelming back then and high school could have been an amazing experience had anxiety not gotten in the way. + +I went to university fairly late and after graduating kept landing contract work, and eventually got stuck working at the same grocery store I applied to as an undergrad. The anxiety carried over into the workplace and resulted in my inability to work at a fast pace. I always felt mentally and physically exhausted. + +This is where I have to mention alcohol and caffeine, both of which produce superhuman like effects but with a caveat: + +I tried alcohol for the first time in Montreal at the age of 18 and after downing 2 beers it felt like I had ingested an elixir. My worries went away instantly, and felt my brain firing on all cylinders. There were 0 negative emotions, and a profound combination of confidence, energy, euphoria, and heightened creativity. I never got addicted to drinking (for obvious reasons), and only drink on occasion, but every time I do, it produces the same effects. I also never get drunk. + +Coffee seems to produce eerily similar effects and I realized this a few years ago after I had a coffee at work and felt like I had snorted crack. I thought I could take on the world, and was super excited that I had finally found a solution to my problem. Unfortunately however, if I have coffee everyday for 4 days straight, by the 4th day it produces the exact opposite effects and I'm left feeling sleepy and lethargic. For me to feel the full effects of coffee, I need to refrain from it for at least 7 days. + +Fast forward to today where I recently started working construction as a sprinkler fitter/pipefitter and absolutely hate it. Apart from being a fast-paced environment, I'm asthmatic with an allergy to dust and constantly drilling holes into a concrete ceiling has made my asthma worse, plus the cement we use to glue the plastic leaves me with a pounding headache during and after work, so I know my days are numbered. The company that I'm employed with is currently waiting on a new project so I've had the last 7 days off + +During this time I've begun doing research on career alternatives and have become very interested in the online world and have decided to upgrade my skills in e-commerce, digital marketing, and video editing (among other things). + +My morning routine involves getting up at 8 o'clock (feeling tired), having breakfast, followed by tea with milk (which produces similar effects to coffee with much less intensity). After having tea, my anxiety goes away and I become very focused; however, when the caffeine wears off, my anxiety returns and I go back to feeling mentally exhausted (constant worrying, overthinking, fear of failure, lack of motivation etc.) + +As far as I know, I'm not depressed, nor do I have low self-esteem. I feel good about the way I look and the shape I'm in. Going to the gym helps. + +I don't have any bad habits. I don't smoke, nor do I indulge in social media looking for a dopamine fix. Most of my free time is spent reading online and on YouTube searching educational videos. I also get 7 to 8 hours of sleep every night but usually wake up tired. The only complaint I have with life is my anxiety. Without it I have a powerful personality and I feel like I'm capable of achieving so much but it's causing me to operate at only 50% of my full potential. + +I was wondering if anyone is able to offer any insight as to why alcohol and caffeine produce such similar effects, practically eliminating my anxiety before the effects wear off, and if anyone has had similar experiences? Could alcohol and caffeine contain something which I might be deficient in? Could I get this in a pill form? + +I was thinking of making an appointment with my family doctor but just thought I'd reach out here to see what the members here have to add. + +I'm open to the idea of trying antidepressants but at the same time worried about the side effects. Do antidepressants really only cause side effects in the first couple of weeks? Based on some of my research, that seems to be the case. + +Apologies for the long post and I would greatly appreciate any input. + +Thanks.",Anxiety seriously holding me back. Any insight is greatly appreciated.,4 +508,"Hello first time posting here but I feel like I'm going to explode. +So a few weeks ago I got the ""amazing"" idea to get blonde highlights, like a balayage. I don't know if it's because how the hairstylist did them, because my hair is wavy or I'm just this insecure. But now every time that I see myself on the Kinrara I hate my hair so much, like what the he'll I did to my precious color. +I'm thinking to get dyed at home because I can't deal anymore with hairstylists and giving explanations, but it makes me SO ANXIOUS to not get a color that matches my hair. I just want my highlights to dissappear. +I'm feeling like a mess and I don't know how to proceed and I don't want to hear the others saying how I'm wasting my money after getting the highlights . I just want to feel peace at something.",Blonde highlights,4 +509,"I was thinking of looking into this more. + +How well does L-theanine work for your anxiety?",L-theanine,4 +510,"anyone that suffers from anxiety and blood work and scans show nothing. please get your thyroid checked a full thyroid panel. tsh t3 free, t3 total, t4 free, t4 total. antibodies..tpo, tsi, trab. iven had anxiety symptoms since 2019 and nothing ever showed because only my tsh was checked or rarely my t4 was checked and they were in the normal range. fast foward to feb2023 they were all abnormal. god bless you all",please read,4 +511,"Don’t understand why this is happening, but I have been having panic attacks when I’m stressed out. It’s really weird. I do struggle with depression (diagnosed but not medicated) but never really had an issue with anxiety until now. + + +I can only pinpoint one specific traumatic moment this year, but I really am not seeing why, especially when the trigger isn’t anything related to that. I just shut down now under *any* stress :( which sucks because sometimes my work is stressful and the panic attacks have happened twice in my work place + + +I'm just wondering if anyone else had this sudden onset of panic attacks for no reason? + +EDIT: I forgot to mention but I’m in therapy and have mentioned this to my therapist but I am finding these episodes continuing to occur and it scares me",Developed anxiety disorder out of the blue,4 +512,"Recently I’ve become a lot more aware that when I overthink something I often don’t look for evidence that that thing is true I instead simply catastrophise without receiving the information which actually may disprove what I’m thinking. A common reaccuring thought in this is that my boyfriend is mad at me, that my friends are mad at me and overall the overarching fear that I’ve done something wrong. From personal experiences can anyone give me some personal self help techniques to reduce catastrophising and overall thoughts that are extremely blown out of proportion",How can I better handle my catastrophising,4 +513,"I am a Med student and currently I am at the worst state I have ever been, my anxiety is the highest ever and I keep having suicidal thoughts. I try to calm down and help myself but I can’t because everyday I have to go to classes because they are mandatory. And every time I go it just keeps me stressed and I can never escape this loop. Unfortunately I have started drinking more alcohol to try to suppress my anxiety but I know this isn’t good. + +I don’t know how long I can keep up, my hopes are that I can keep up till summer and then take a leave of absence for 1-2 years to “fix” myself and figure out what I want to do with my life. + +But I don’t know if I can persevere till summer 😓",College is destroying me,4 +514,,Is it okay to want to dissociate when the time seems tough and even if that means a certain distance might develop in your relationship?? I feel exhausted with so much going on in my mind. I see nightmares and on most mornings wake up with terrible palpitations.,4 +515,Anyone else have a deviated septum or mouth breathing? Could that be tied to anxiety?!,Deviated septum / mouth breathing?,4 +516,"I’m at work constantly trying to clear my throat and googling how to cough up phlegm even though I’m not sure that it *is* phlegm. I can’t concentrate on anything else and I’m worrying that I have a disease. I haven’t done any work in the last 40 minutes because I keep googling and getting up when I’m restless. Considering leaving work early to go home but I know it’ll sound stupid. I also know that my reaction to overpowering anxious thoughts is to leave wherever I am and go home, so I know the reason for wanting to go home isn’t because I feel physically sick enough. + +I wish I could just sit with this mild physical discomfort and cough every now and then like a normal person but instead, every time I feel the thing in my chest a wave of anxiety paralyses me. I don’t know how to get through the day. + +What should I do?","I can feel something in my lower throat or upper lungs. I’m not sick but when I am, the mucus is usually felt in the back of my throat rather than where I can feel something now.",4 +517,"EDIT: Thanks for all the advice everyone! This situation is extremely nuanced and very complex, and I'm unable to fully convey how something like this can even happen / make it make sense without giving up specific details about my school / prof / situation (because yes, I'm aware this situation sounds absolutely ridiculous). The comments have been really helpful in next steps, and how to help with the anxiety. Appreciate it :) + +&#x200B;",Very anxious and uncomfortable after professor made us watch their personal porn video for lecture,4 +518,I’m worried about getting blood clots bc some days I only get around 300 steps in. At most 2-3k. My doctors said I’m fine but it’s hard to believe that.,Worried about it blood clots,4 +519,"i get them, everyday, and it's honestly pretty scary because i think, i'm probably dying etc, or i'm gonna abruptly, end up in a hospital, but i been stressed for years since my dad passed away..ive been through a lot so i can't tell if it's because of that or not. does anyone know what, i mean? + +&#x200B; + +i think, ive been getting heart palpitations, even when my heart is slow. but the thing is, is that i can drink, and eat without throwing up., i'm not in any bad pains anywhere. but my hair is falling out, and my memory is kinda bad. but i have been, getting weird feelings everyday and i don't know what to do.. and i'm pale because i never go outside. + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +but i do have, lots of posts on here, so if you wanna you can check them, they will explain kinda a lot.","does anyone, else have weird feelings everyday? f14-15",4 +520,"This sounds so stupid, but I have nights (like tonight) where I suddenly panic about dying. I get dizzy and sick just thinking about it and I get panic attacks. I'm 20 and healthy (apart from having PTSD) and I know I won't be dying soon, but I can't shake the fear once it comes over me... I think its the fear of not knowing what happens that gets me the most, and the fear of what's after death. I don't believe in an afterlife so I panic as to what it really feels like to just be gone… + +Sorry if this is the wrong place to vent about this. Does anyone have any ideas at to how I can get over this fear? It’s really fucking up my mental and physical health",How do i overcome an overwhelming fear of death ?,4 +521,"I have been finally getting better after starting therapy and the new med. However, my whole family is sick and I finally got sick after a 2 weeks of being surrounded by them. + +My anxiety has increased and my mood is worse, been feeling like I am going to relapse and get back to the old anxious and depressed me, but deep down I know I won't relapse. I did notice it is only in the morning and it only has been happening this week. + +Is it normal to feel more anxious and have more depressed thoughts when you are sick.",Feeling Sick triggers anxiety and depression,4 +522,"Hello - this is a short story that at least for me, it was a great anxiety relief. If you like it, I will post more. + +Once upon a time in a serene village, nestled within a lush green valley, there lived a gentle, wise elephant named Elara. This village was known for its tranquility, as it was graced with a unique energy that seemed to ease the worries and stresses of all who lived there. + +One day, a young girl named Mia came to the village, seeking relief from her overwhelming anxiety. Upon hearing about Elara's wisdom, she ventured to the peaceful grove where the elephant resided. The moment Mia approached, she felt her heart rate slowing and her breath deepening. + +""Elara, I've heard of your wisdom and calming presence. Please, can you help me with my anxiety?"" Mia asked timidly. + +Elara looked at her with gentle eyes and replied, ""Of course, dear child. Sit down beside me, and let me share with you the secret to finding peace within yourself."" + +As Mia settled down, Elara began to tell her a story. + +""Long ago, our village was visited by a wise old monk. He too had experienced the tranquility of our valley and wished to uncover the source of this peaceful energy. He spent many days meditating under the ancient oak tree at the center of the village. Finally, he discovered the secret: within each of us exists a tiny, peaceful oasis, an inner sanctuary that remains untouched by the chaos of the world."" + +The wise elephant continued, ""To access this sanctuary, you must learn to quiet your mind and listen to the rhythm of your own breath. Begin by taking slow, deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. With each breath, imagine your worries dissolving into the wind, leaving only peace and tranquility behind."" + +Mia closed her eyes and followed Elara's guidance. As she inhaled and exhaled, she felt her anxiety ebbing away, replaced with a sense of calm and safety she had never known before. + +After some time, Mia opened her eyes and looked at the wise elephant. ""Thank you, Elara. Your words have brought me peace, and I will carry this lesson with me wherever I go."" + +As Mia prepared to leave, Elara touched her trunk gently to the girl's shoulder. ""Remember, dear child, your inner sanctuary is always within you. Whenever you feel overwhelmed or anxious, simply close your eyes, breathe deeply, and allow yourself to find refuge in the peaceful oasis of your heart."" + +With newfound strength and a heart filled with gratitude, Mia returned to her life, carrying the wisdom of Elara and the tranquility of the village with her. She had discovered the power of her inner sanctuary, and now, she was ready to face the world with courage and serenity.",Inner Sanctuary of Peace,4 +523,"tw: self-harm, bad thoughts? I'm not really sure what else, sorry + +So uh, I've been feeling down and really anxious for thr past few weeks. It's probably silly, but I cut myself a while ago snd I hadn't done that for a while so I think it's really getting a low point. And it's probably just because of my poor emotional regulation stuff, but I kinda need to get this out because I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. + +To start with, my academic workload's increased these past few weeks. I'm doing a research paper with a group, but it's just stressing me out. I'm um overthinking about how it would fail? Or if I'm not a good leader and I'm affecting my classmates' grades because of it. It's just, well, the thought of it is always there, and I can't really get rid of it because it's not yet done. + +Then there's this family tree project that we have, and I'm using my mom's family with it— I'm not really close with my dad's side of the family, so I can't exactly switch to his family. Uh the problem is, my mom has problems with her family, and I don't want to bring it up so I keep putting it off. I don't want to make her upset, and the thought of doing so is just making me anxious. + +There's also the little things. Exams, quizzes, presentations, etc. I failed a quiz for the first time in a few years and my teacher got upset about it so I'm kinda panicking and trying to review more haha + +Then well my birthday's coming up. We had this whole catering thing going on, but there's been problems with the payment and stuff. Mom made a mistake because she was outside when the manager asked for the payment, and she got really stressed because she couldn't get her money back. The manager hasn't exactly been cooperative, and they've been insistent on the payment, so yeah. Mom got angry and kinda blamed me cause I was the one who liked the idea of the catering thing. I promised her that I would take care of it since it was mostly my fault since she didn't like it but I pushed, so I've been in contact with the manager and everything but the situation's still messy. It's just more stress? More anxiety. Hooray, I guess. + +We're still not done with the preparations and stuff and I really want to help but I've been busy with school, and when I get home there's no time to go outside and get what's needed. It's stressing Mom out, and I think that's part of the reason why she got angry, so I wanted to get this done. But I can't, and I have to wait for the weekends to actually be able to do stuff. + +There's also the scholarship tests, although I've already taken them. It's just making me nervous, because if I didn't pass then it would be difficult to go to college becaude my family isn't really financially stable. It's just pressuring me? I think? I'm having trouble identifying how I feel without wanting to break down lol + +It's also hard to fall asleep. I feel like the only rest I get is the minutes before I fall asleep, so I try to prolong it as long as possible. I think I'm afraid of waking up tomorrow because it just means that nothing's resolved yet and I just. Yeah. + +Uh, that's it I guess. Sorry if this is all negative. If you have some advice (especially about the sleeping thing), it's all welcome! Thanks.",Advice?,4 +524,"I am so exhausted and just need to know that I am not alone. + +I have been struggling with health anxiety since October of 2022. It started off with the fear of seizures (no family history, no increased risk) and now it’s onto heart attacks and cardiac arrests. I’ve had 2 EKGs, a 48-hour holter monitor, and an echocardiogram. All came back normal. My cholesterol is fine, blood pressure is fine. + +I don’t know how to get over this irrational fear of uncertainty and unknown. I feel the constant need for control and I don’t know how to stop. + +I am currently in weekly therapy and have just started hypnotherapy.",Cardiophobia,4 +525,"I wake up and I instantly check my phone making sure of everything i have to do in the day then double checking then triple checking. +Then i go to school and the nail biting and skin picking starts then the headache then my heart starts racing and everything goes blurry and this week has been horrible i have felt so anxious and stressed that i keep throwing up and having panic/anxiety attacks +I just wish i could get a diagnosis",I hate having undiagnosed anxiety,4 +526,"So before i start, let me make clear that i do have some health issue Well had, i was born with a unicuspid valve and had open heart surgery 2 years ago. Up to the surgery i was a mental wreck more than before. Now after the surgery ive been Well for the most part. I have had alot of fears after that actually got worse over the two years instead of better. Now to start This story up we gotta rewind a few months, its a few days after Christmas, im at granny inlaw having a good time, when My girlfriend notice My right ankle is a little swollen above the achilles tendon, we call the emergency eoc and he wants ud to Come in, he frels it and want it scanned with ultrasound. It was fine. Now i didnt Think much of it then, but im sure My ankle above the achilles always was swollen but i havent ever really looked much at My ancles. +Now here is where it gets difficult two days later we Are home, i wake up and notice i have a coin sized point bit left from My sternum with minor pain,and I get spells of dizziness. +At night i get admitted to the ER and they do ultra sound, ekg, bloodwork work etc. And everythings fine, except from slightly elevated troponin which could be scar tissue, though they think i have a minor infection in my heart and release me sayinf i should be fine sfter some time but i dont feel fine. Onde home i get This feeling of not being able to get enough air when I breath. A week later im back in the ER, they do the usual checks plus a ct and guess what, im fine except for the same slightly elevated troponin and they release me Again sayings its just a minor infektion. +3 weeks later i have an appointment with a specialised cardiologist that is educated for valve disease and has byen following me for over a decade. She checks me and im fine My heart is in a good condition. Now i didnt feel happy when told so, but extreme dissapointment, i started to get a feeling of fear of Them having made a mistake or missed something . The reason being is that before My surgery the hospital i was in the ER at, didnt see that My heart wasnt doing Well when I was in for chest pain(wasnt a heart attack, but My valve failing badly) the Same pain i have Now. +Now i startede going to a psych every third week and its good. But at this point im uncertain of what is wrong, ive been checked at the hospital 3times and at a specialized cardiologist, and they havent found much that could explain the pain. +So im trying to accept the fact it could be anxiety driven, but the moment i started trying it, i got issues with breathing Again. Its like something in me wants to keeper me in pain and afraid. I Hope some Will read this and give some input.",Health issue or health anxiety,4 +527,"I have this problem where I refuse to believe anyone knows me. I know i sound abit weird writing this but I just can’t put my mind around anyone truly knowing me and I know the saying of no one truly knows anyone. But it really is becoming a thing where I really believe people don’t know me. I’m not a shy person I’m extroverted I love talking to people but I do have anxiety I’ve been hurt a lot in the past by people, I think everyone has. Now I just don’t think I know anyone and I don’t think they know me I know people do know me I just won’t admit to it. I’m struggling to understand myself really. Ive come on here to ask for advice because Ive looked into this and all I can find is people saying why don’t I let anyone know me which isn’t my situation I feel like I don’t but I do speak about my problems and I’m known as an open book so why do I feel this why ? +Am I crazy , if anyone feels this way or knows why I do please respond",I’m new to Reddit so bear with me,4 +528,Been like this for a while now and dont know of it is anxiety or depression but i have lack of appetite and losing weight. Been to the docs but always brushed off as anxiety. Is it really this bad ?blood work has been done multiple times i know they dont show everything wrong but would there be a red flag that they would loook more into? I just wanna enjoy eating again. Whenever i do force myself i dont have any problems at all but i dont get a full feeling either its weird. Also having problems with pooping but i guess its because im eating less,Lack of appetite for months..anxiety?,4 +529,"I have had severe panic attacks for about 3 years now, and just mental anxiety (no physical symptoms) for my whole life probably. It has morphed into health anxiety and being constantly worried that I have a tumor or heart attack or stroke which is an awful way to live. + +They resurface every now and then when life gets stressful, but I cannot eliminate my stressors. I need to cope with my attacks. + +I am in therapy and take Effexor but I need advice from people who actually have suffered like I do.","What ACTUALLY helped your sudden panic attacks / physical symptoms? I'm tired of the usual ""try going for a walk"" and ""take a deep breath"" advice from people",4 +530,"The only solution to the things that have me feeling anxious is to wait. There's no other way around it and I hate it so much. It's leaving me with too much time to think, and I can't do anything to distract myself because that just fuels my anxiety in some weird roundabout way. + +I can't even find the words to vent my emotions properly because my mind is so muddled. I'm not able to distract myself much so I don't know what to do.",I hate that my only option is to wait,4 +531,"I’ve suffered from anxiety since middle school, and I’ve definitely always had the hardest time with it in classroom settings. I’m in college now, and I’ve never really noticed my anxiety in any of my classes until now. I have one class that, because attendance is required and I have to make a bit of a scene to exit, has suddenly started making me extremely anxious. + +I find that I suddenly can’t breathe and feel like I’m about to pass out, even when I’m sitting down. It got so bad yesterday that I had to leave, and I skipped class this morning too. After having a full-blown panic attack in that class last night, I now have intense anxiety about returning. Skipping isn’t an option anymore, but I’m so afraid of having another panic attack in there. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you so much!",Having panic attacks in one specific class?,4 +532,"&#x200B; + +So i got drunk on the weekend and today i still feel very weird + +like my body feels weird my vision doesnt seem right and i just went on a walk and my surroundings seemed not real, like i saw a person and they didnt look real i cant explain it? i do suffer with severe anxiety and have panic attacks now and then + +but i have never felt like this? like my whole mind feels off",Am i experiencing Derealization after a weekend of drinking?,4 +533,"I lost my job a week ago. Since then, I've pretty much been worrying non-stop. Yes, I talk to a counselor AND a psychiatrist. I have Xanax but I'm trying to ration it out. + +Not sure what to do. Has anyone been in a similar situation?",It feels impossible to relax,4 +534,"I've experienced many physical symptoms of anxiety, but I recently began experiencing constant tingling on the tips of my fingers and my palm, mostly on one hand. These sensations have been occurring for around two weeks and I'm stressing about something serious going on with my health. Has anyone else experienced anything similar?",Is tingling in fingers/hand normal?,4 +535,"Been on 20mg of Amitriptyline for about two years now for IBS. Was put on Sertraline today 25mg, for anxiety. The doctor knew of my existing medication and suggested starting at 25mg for a week and then increasing to 50 if I felt ok. + +I’m sure it’s safe since it was prescribed, but the doc was busy searching through her computer/phone once I told her about my Amitriptyline and it hasn’t filled me with much faith lol. Has anyone here taken this combo before?",Anyone taken Amitriptyline and Sertraline together?,4 +536,Recently I’ve been going through a really stressful period of my life and it has also greatly increased my anxiety. This makes it especially difficult to sleep. I often take 2 hours laying in bed to fall asleep and then wake up about 3-4 times a night and I can’t even tell you the last time I got a full 7-8 hours. I often wake up due to vivid dreams or maybe just due to all the things on my mind which I think may be contributing to poor sleep I often have to take a melatonin in the middle of the night to fall back asleep. I also take magnesium supplements sometimes but I’ve had my ups and downs with them as they tend to increase the vivid dreams (I also quit weed sorta recently which may factor into why I’ve been having so many vivid dreams and having sleep troubles) I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on how I could get better sleep and any other supplements that may help with it if needed. I just wanna fall asleep quicker and stop waking in the middle of the nights and I wanna see if anyone here has had similar experiences and if anything helped.,Sleep tips for Anxiety and Stress,4 +537,Maybe I am suffering from extreme anxiety because of my low self-worth. And my anxiety is limiting me in the things I can do so I even believe less in myself. It’s like a vicious cycle.. anyway out?,How is self-esteem related to anxiety?,4 +538,"So how do you expose yourself to that fear? My main themes are death and going crazy/losing control. What I have in my pack: + +* Not distracting myself staying with the anxiety. +* Imagining worst case scenerios to making myself more anxious.",What are your exposure methods for the fear of going crazy/psychosis?,4 +539,Anyone with good reviews about lamictal?,Lamictal ?,4 +540,Hello I’ve dealt with anxiety for a couple years now. Never taken any medication for it. But as of recent I’ve noticed that I can’t stand still for long periods of time. My legs will feel heavy and feel like they are going to give out from under me. I feeI like I constantly have to keep moving . If not find a chair to sit down. Has anyone experienced this? Anybody suggestions?,Weak legs.,4 +541,So I still had a a headache this morning and I finally went to the store to get some ibuprofen. Took it about 10 minutes ago and really scared still that it was laced with cyanide. I know cyanide is fast acting but how fast acting so I can stop worrying soon about it being that,"Following up yesterday, about Tylenol",4 +542,"So I was prescribed this medication a few weeks ago to go with my mirtazapine for anxiety and my irregular heart rate. Has anyone taking this medication seen a change in their menstrual cycle? I’ve been clockwork every 29-31 days for years. Currently 5 days late, took a test, negative. That medication is the only thing I changed, and my pharmacist said it typically doesn’t cause that. I feel like I’m the only one who’s had this issue 😅thank you!",Prescribed Propranolol(Inderal),4 +543,I scared my thoughts turn true and I’m so worried,I had the habit to laugh when i am nervous and I have a major presentation later I’m so scared I screw it up!,4 +544, [https://link.chtbl.com/theperfectstool-Reddit](https://link.chtbl.com/theperfectstool-Reddit),Metabolic Endotoxemia: One Root Cause of Many Diseases of Affluence,4 +545,"You just can’t push them away. 😂😂😂 + +https://youtu.be/Eh2hLuFfXdI","Here is some comedic relief regarding persistent, intrusive thoughts. 😂",4 +546,"I’ve been on escitalopram 10 and 20mg for about 7 years now. Tried to quit last year and it went SO horribly i started back at 20mg but my psych feels weak and sensitive compared to before stopping. I have agoraphobia and panic disorder. I finally saw a psychiatrist who prescribed risperidone but i’m scared as hell to take it. I had full body dyskinesia after taking metoclopramide a while back and after i saw that risperidone can cause that as well as tardive dyskinesia I’m terrified. + +Do you guys have any insight?",Escitalopram and risperidone,4 +547,"I messed up on a task at work today, right before i logged off for the day. The client escalated to my manager, and now I have an email from him saying we need to talk about this with the larger team to avoid such mistakes going forward. I know its not that big of a mistake, but I've just been really anxious about it for the last couple of hours. + +I feel like throwing up thinking about going in to work tomorrow. I get anxious thinking about a regular day at work everyday, so this added stressor feels like a bit too much to handle. I hate that I'm letting this take control of myself. How do people with anxiety deal with such situations at work / school ?",I messed up at work today and I'm terrified to go in tomorrow,4 +548,,I have been taking 10mg citalopram for 3 days - I’m not going up to 20mg. Will I feel more side effects? I’m nervous :(,4 +549,"I want so badly to move out, and explore new things. I also don’t want to be far from my family. I have always been super close to my family, and I find comfort in living close to them. I feel anxiety just thinking about not having my mom around when I’m sad, or my dad around to talk about the hockey game. Or my grandma to talk about anything. + +I am 21, and I live on my own, but I’m still in the same city as my family, so they are right there whenever I need them. + +How can I conquer my fears, and live in a new place, and explore new things, even if it’s just for a year or two. I’ve wanted so badly to move in with a friend who has an extra spot, but again, the anxiety of being without my family is so scary. + +Thanks for taking the time to read this.","I’m scared to move away from my home city, because I will miss my parents.",4 +550,"I tried going cold turkey off my smartphone and my anxiety is going through the roof. Had to take a valium. + +I just thought that i am spending way too much time on my smartphone, that I am addicted. 6-10 hours a day on average. So much screen time is like reality avoidance to me and is hijacking my dopamine levels, probably overstimulating my brain causing more anxiety longterm. + +Tried listening more to music, podcasts, audiobooks but it’s not enough. + +I guess I am addicted to my phone. Anyone have a similar experience and knows a way out?",How to get off your smartphone? I tried going cold turkey for a week,4 +551,"So this morning I already bought a coffee and just started to drink it at my desk when a co worker came by and ask if I wanted to go get coffee. I said yes and said I will just continue to drink this one I have, but he said just get another one. For some reason he thought I was finished and said to get another one. +He did eventually buy me another coffee so I just through out my half drunken coffee in the trash since he bought me one. I felt disappointed in myself for not being more clear. In this types of situations I have a problem making myself heard clearly and precisely. +I guess there more work to be done. +Thanks for the vent session.","Small vent, I couldn’t accurately state my objection when going for coffee with co-worker",4 +552,"I feel like everything around me is slower than me, and I feel dumb, I don't really know how to explain it honestly, I even tried googling it but I just can't explain it properly. Does anyone knows what is happening to me?",I'm feeling weird,4 +553,"I really try to figure out whether or not reddit is something healthy to have. I enjoying being in this group and others to find support and to help people but man… this place can be so toxic and triggering. I have health issues and one of those is severe sinus problems do I joined a group to get advice. Later on I get a commenter basically undermining my symptoms (like every doctor is) telling me my symptoms aren’t sinus related (which they are) and ended it by basically saying it’s my anxiety and all in my head. I check his other comments to people and they were equally as rude and trying to humiliate people. I reported them to the mods and I was met with one of those most immature people to walk the planet. They told me that my complaint was ridiculous amongst other things, banned me from the group, muted me from messaging them and then now reported me to reddit for harassment. How are people so cruel and have so much hatred and immaturity? Now i’m scared i’m going to lose my account because they want to try and get me banned.",I just need to rant,4 +554,"Hi friends, new poster here. Turns out my entire family suffers from anxiety, and nobody shared this with me. My mom was medicated for it briefly, my dad is medicated for it and also has PTSD, and it runs in both sides of the family. I figured it out in my early 20's and I have been seeing all these things about myself in a new light ever since. Currently suspicious that I might have ocd. + +Something I am frustrated with is that I had a lot of signs and symptoms, but was quieter than my siblings so it got brushed off all the time. In highschool I had one friend, and she was always telling me I was a worrywart, and openly mocked me about things I did. (For example, I could never just cross a street. Had to be with the walk signal, and then I would RUN across it, and one day she made a big deal about it to my face) + +Nobody ever asked WHY. Why I had almost no friends, why I didn't learn to drive until I was almost 30, why I am always going around giving people warnings about their safety. One time I had a complete breakdown after my parents got divorced, which was very rare for me. And my mom said ""she's just being dramatic and wants attention"" and that was the end of that. I was also ""the responsible one"". They just don't have time for my feelings. + +I try to talk to my dad, who seems like the person who would understand the most, and I'll say ""I have been figuring out some stuff about driving and being anxious"" and he will go ""SPEAKING OF ANXIETY AND DRIVING, YOUR SISTER HAS COME ALONG SO FAR IN HER DRIVING!"" Or I will try to tell him I think I might have ocd and he will use this tone of disbelief and try to poke holes in what I'm saying to him. + +Sorry for the long post. I'm just grateful that sometimes I can find places on the internet to talk about it. I don't have the worst anxiety in the world, but it's always there, all the time. I appreciate that you folks are able to take it seriously. Thank you for that.","Coming to terms with anxiety as an adult, looking back it was pretty obvious and nobody talked about it.",4 +555,My social worker won’t support me living alone just because I’m mentally ill I don’t want any support anymore I wish they left me alone and let me decide where I want to live. I’m 18,I hate this shit ffs,4 +556,,So I’ve had really bad anxiety for the past 3 months or so.. been taking Buspirone and lisinopril for high blood pressure been ok off and on.. but noticed that I have really bad acid reflux so I took omeprazole and I feel a lot better! Can acid reflux cause anxiety and high blood pressure?,4 +557,"There’s a guy at work that flirted with me a lot at a work party and now we are avoiding each other like a plague… He is always sending someone else to talk to me and when he sees me, he doesn’t even say hi… I am an immigrant woman and I can’t speak his language so well, sometimes I believe that he is avoiding me bc he has no patience to talk with me… The anxiety hits hard and I can’t confront him bc of the language barrier and the anxiety of speaking another language… I need some tips on how to overcome this fear",Prejudice or attraction?,4 +558,"i’m really anxious about something right now, and i was up all night feeling super sick, i was sick a few times too. usually my anxiety stomach pains last for 1-2 hours. but it’s been 17 hours. and i don’t know how to calm it down. i don’t have anyone to talk to about it either. there is one person. but i shouldn’t burden him with this. i just need some advice. i can’t move much, sleep, drink, or eat. it’s really bad. and it’s never been this bad before. any tips?",any tips for bad anxiety stomach?,4 +559,"Why, with health anxiety, is it so difficult to accept things are okay and move on? Say you’ve spent a lot of time worrying about a specific condition and then been given the all clear (found out that everything is normal and you are okay)… why don’t you just feel the relief? + +I find myself, having been “given the all clear” still in mental turmoil, as if all those thoughts and worries are still there and just aren’t sure where to go. + +Does any one else struggle with letting go of these worries even after they “resolve”? + +Any tips for getting there faster? (I am currently on anti depressants to help cope with anxiety).",How to Move On,4 +560,I am 18 and have anxiety about getting Alzheimer’s or dementia. Sometimes I forget little things like what I was about to say and then I panic more and forget even more things. Please give me advice,Scared of memory loss,4 +561,"I recently got a job where I am now working in an office. I recently have worked in an office environment before and had to answer phone calls, and did not experience the amount of anxiety that I am experiencing now. I believe it’s because now I have to follow a script and make sure I provide certain information and hit certain benchmarks etc. I’ve noticed that I have a lot more anxiety and stumble on my words and give wrong information and I just want to know how I can handle that and deal with it? + +This is a new job. I’ve only been here for about two weeks and maybe I’m being too hard on myself but I really want to provide the best service and show my employers that they made a good choice, so what should I do? + +Have any or do any of you guys work in an office and or working on call-center? I would love your guys advice. + +Thxxx",How do I deal with sounding nervous on the phone?,4 +562,I always have the constant fear of passing out and have health anxiety and panic disorder. I went to the urgent care the other day and all the test turned out normal. I then went to a therapist yesterday and she prescribed me Prozac and Lorazepam( as needed). Has anyone else ever struggled with this and how long does it take to get through it?,Fear and feeling of passing out,4 +563,"Ever since I was in 3rd grade I was never able to do presentations due to me just standing there in fear, I still can't even talk doing presentations or reading out loud in front of people.One time I even started crying in the bathroom just because someone asked me my name and i panicked.",Anyone know how I can get over this?,4 +564,"Right so for a few weeks everytime I try going sleep my heart is pounding due to anxiety and then as I'm falling asleep I'm gasping for breath and anxious sensation kicks in and also getting hyponic jerks at the same time. Can anyone relate + +Basically as I'm falling asleep some anxiety anxious sensation kicks in and I gasp for a breath with a hyponic jerk. My anxiety and stress is bad. + +It all started in January due to health anxiety and over time it's gotten worse and now it's moved on to sleep anxiety aswell. So I'm getting anxiety because I'm wondering how to go sleep.",Insomnia Anxiety & Stress,4 +565,"This started a few days ago, I’m not sure if it’s just anxiety or if it’s something I need to get checked out. I think it might be my spleen?",Does anybody else feel a light (quite annoying) pain under their left rib sometimes???,4 +566,I was rushed to the hospital a couple months ago because of me smoking weed and i couldn't breathe so i decided to switch to cigs/cigarettes and its way better but im trying to quit,15m and trying to quit cigs i started because of my anxiety,4 +567,Doctor has me on Prozac 20mg but I’ve only been on it a week and now she’s adding abilify and lowering my Xanax dose from 2mg extended release a day to 1mg (meaning I’ll only be getting .25 every 5 hours or so.,Anyone used Abilify for anxiety before?,4 +568,"I've had panic attacks and such, but one thing that's a bit more off and on is how anxiety affects my stomach. When I had daily stomach pains in elementary school that were unexplained - it now makes sense that it was definitely anxiety brewing. + +I'm going through a period right now where my stomach is just revolting against me. I have the urge to go just about all day every day, and will sometimes go 2-4 times a day (when my usual is once a day), plus it's now usually loose, which wasn't an issue before. + +The only thing I've found to kind of help is Tazo Zen tea. It does ease the stomach upset a bit, but I also can't drink THAT much of it before making myself nauseous/even more sick. How does everyone deal with this in terms of their anxiety? I only have this issue on weekdays when I have work, I'm usually normal on weekends, so it's obviously the anxiety. I just feel tortured by my stomach right now. I also meditate, which only helps for me while I'm actually doing it, so the anxiety comes right back as soon as I open my work computer, basically. + +Anything soothing for the stomach would be great... although I will say, I am currently dieting (wedding in June) and trying to stick to low-point foods/drinks on WW.",Help for when your anxiety turns physical?,4 +569,,"Mind racing at work, can't concentrate, need help calming down",4 +570,I found out that in times where my social anxiety was really bad this would also heavily influence my own self confidence and self worth. I would beat myself up for everything I did which made it even harder to overcome my social anxiety. What do you think about this?,Does your anxiety affects your self confidence?,4 +571,"Hello thank you for taking time to read my post, I suffer with severe anxiety and depression it started 5 years ago out of the blue. + +I had some success with medication(prozac) for 3 straight years I was back to my normal self completely free of anxiety and enjoying life, but it resurfuced I have been trying different anti-depressants[SNRIS] had a little success but since August 2022 my mother had severe covid nearly died from it my anxiety and depression went crazy ever since none of the SNRIS are working everytime they try to increase a dose I get worse very bad depression and awful side effects even when I leave it 4 - 8 weeks. + +I've been like a guinea pig for the last 6 months and it's been hell I feel hopeless and that I can't possibly go on like this I don't even know what to say to the Dr anymore. + +Has anyone had similar experiences? Any opinions or advice going forward would be very much appreciated. + +Many thanks!",Anxiety and hopeless,4 +572,"Since a stomach issue and other health issues in december, i've been going through a nasty spell of agraphobia and anxiety, for 3 months, i've dropped all my hobbies, stopped going out and am stuck at home or working at home. I hate it, I am anxious everyday and cannot do anything atm. + +What was the longest you guys went through this, and how did you fight it?",What was your longest spell of anxiety?,4 +573,I’m in the shelter now and I’m about to do a personal meet with a couple cats. And tbh my heart fell to my knee caps. I want a pet but I’m so anxious … feel like i will be a terrible owner.,Anxiety about adopting a cat,4 +574,"I see a lot of sites pointing to Vitamin B Complex helping, but at the pharmacy there is an entire row full of ""we don't need FDA approval because we know it doesn't do anything anyway"" type of pills. + +So, what have you found actually worked for you?","There is so much quackery surrounding anxiety treatments. Outside of prescription drugs, what has worked for you?",4 +575,From panic attacks to hyperventilation to chest pains to racing thoughts to dizzyness to lightheadedness to afraid of leaving the house to burning hands? I fucking hate this shit so much. If you got panic attacks and anxiety from weed pleaseeeee share your thoughts on destroying this disease i want to leave my house again i want to mingle with people again i want to be able to get on my fucking computer and do normal shit that everyone does again rather than wrapping myself in my bed sheets all day everyday and taking meds,WHY DOES ANXIETY HAVE SO MANY RANDOM ASS SYMPTOMS,4 +576,Wondering if anyone has had a similar experience whilst having an anxiety disorder where they felt a sudden paranoid feeling. I was trying to fall asleep at night and switched off my lights. All of a sudden I felt this weird panic and paranoid feeling that there might be some supernatural creatures (like a ghost) in my room. I was eventually able to convince myself that its an irrational thought but was scared for a few minutes. I am on therapy and escitalopram.,Sudden paranoid feeling that I have never experienced in 10 years living with anxiety disorder,4 +577,"This week, I started a construction job I wasn't 100% sure about. +My coworkers and supervisors are nice people but the job isn't what I expected. + +Some tasks were understated when I applied for the job and in the interview but the tasks actually require a significant amount of my daily effort. + +Also I'm underpaid relative to what I was paid in my previous job as well as no paid break. However, the job is 30 minutes from my house so cheaper public transportation. + +So because they're nice to me, patient, and welcoming I feel very uncomfortable telling them I'll quit even though the job contract says neither party has to give notice. + + +Also, I've always been an agency worker and the idea of having to give 2-3 weeks notice provides endless anxiety. In an agency job I could just phone or text and say I won't return the next day. + +I have no experience telling my supervisor I'm leaving a job",I need help with quitting job,4 +578,"The following is a text I really wanna send this girl in my class. I like her a lot she is really pretty, I have no idea how she feels about me, but the past two girls I’ve been talking to I never was really upfront about how I felt in the slightest and they both have found their own relationships and it really made me angry with myself for not being honest. Granted I’m not actually saying I like her in the text or anything but I feel it would be implied lol. But any advice would help. We send each other homework and help each other in class but that’s it. She is really awesome. + + + + +I really don’t mean for this to be awkward lol but it probably is anyway. I was trying to tell you in class yesterday without everyone hearing and turning around, but I thought you looked really beautiful and I just chickened out and didn’t say it for some stupid reason. But it’s been eating at me because I’d rather feel like an idiot who made someone feel good about themselves than an idiot who didn’t ❤️. + +Really trying not to be weird I’m just trying to get better with this stuff and saying how I feel. But I recognize I probably made it weird.",A lot of anxiety over this so I need advice please.,4 +579,"My cardiophobia has been on the ups and downs recently. I have felt the occasional ectopics before but usually happens when I’m anxious. Last night I was in bed and was good just browsing my phone when all of sudden I felt this weird feeling, instead of a double beat or hard thump (ectopics) it felt like my heart had stalled or stopped and then it felt like this weird empty feeling in my chest that made me jump up scared and then I felt a surge of fear and adrenaline. The actual feeling only lasted about one or two seconds. I had this Same thing happen one other time while being in the car, like I feel a dropping feeling in my chest like when you get bad news and then I felt the same feeling I explained^^ afterwards … Anyone else felt this before?",Anybody feel this?,4 +580,"I'm 30 years old male from México. + +Since mid january almost to today, I'm been having everything, chest pains, chills, heartburn and I feel the pain in the chest, arms, neck and sometime in the teeth because of clenching my jaw, also burping and yawning like crazy. + +I've done 3 electrocardiograms in lest than a month and everything came out ok, no hypertrophy, not ischemia, nothing, a healthy heart. + +I've been into ER three times, the second the most severe I had everything, chest pain, brain zap, stomach felt like it collapse and when I got connected into a machine and they told me that I had nothing, I was fine, my lungs where ok and my heart was ok, when they told me that, all the feelings went dissapearing slowly to feel normal again. And this happend the the third time, when I got severe chest pain, the ambulance came to My house and the paramedics connected me into an electrocardiogram machine and told me that I was ok, My heart was ok only that I need to check my pressure because was a bit high and as I was ok they didn't take me to a hospital, I went to ER anyways to check my pressure and again I was ok a bit high but nothing to hospitalize me. + +In the end I've been with múltiple doctors even a friend that is also a doctor and they told me the same, I'm at zero risk from a heart attack right now, I'm physically healthy, my collesterol levels are ok, a bit high in the ldl side, but everyone told me that is nothing to worry about. +And in the last electro with the chest pain, something should have come out if it was really the heart and that I wouldn't be able to talk or walk as I was everytime. My friend even told me that I wouldn't be there with him as with younger people it tend to be more painfull and more fatal. + +So in the end the only thing I have left is to accept my anxiety, but I don't know how, every time I want to believe is anxiety, something new comes out and make me doubt about my heart health, I'm literally going crazy. I also being doing things like running and long walks to see if I get unusally tired but that never is the case. + +What advice can you give me to deal with this, have any of you have pass for something similar?? + +Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post, but I wanted maybe to vent a little",Help with accepting anxiety,4 +581,"I’ve been on trintellix + buspirone for about 7 months now and it’s been working great! However I’ve been prescribed atenolol for my physical anxiety and I’m worried that the medications may interact or be too much for me, does anyone have experience with this combo or something similar?",Medication combo stressing me out,4 +582,"So I was a frequent Marijuana smoker and one day I decided to try edibals I made the mistake of taking 300mgs and it sent me in to complete panic and anxiety attack that was 3 months ago now I have extreme anxiety I had to sleep with my mom for over a month cause I would get anxiety from it if she took a shower I would get anxiety if I smelt a candle like everything gives me anxiety now and I've been suffering from bad derilitzation I'm only 15 and now I can't stay home by myself or even wear necklaces cause it gives me anxiety and making me think i cant breathe it has sent me into a really deep and dark depression worse than I have ever been in before and I don't know what to do I'm so scared I tried to tell my mom but she just says she's gonna try and get me help but just brushes it off later saying ""I thought you were over it "" my dad lives in another state and he just thinks I need to get back into in person school but the whole reason i went online was because of my anxiety even before the edibals so he's no help. I don't know what to do I'm scared ill never go back to normal",I think edibals destroyed my mind,4 +583,"Hello everybody. + +I'm about to get the opportunity to go on an all-expenses paid (totally free) one week trip to the Netherlands with colleagues. But I'm afraid to go in case anxiety takes over me being away from home. + +Almost two years ago I had my first bout of anxiety for no apparent reason. One day it came and took hold of me and I spent more than a month in a daze without being able to leave the house or walk down the street... + +Hopefully I managed to ""get over it"", but I feel that this period/stage marked my life as always. Now I live in fear and things that I liked to do before I have stopped doing or I don't do them for fear that it will make me anxious. + +Among them, I always planned to travel as much as possible with family and friends the day I had a stable job and recurring income. Well, now I am in that situation but I do it for fear of getting anxiety outside the house, not being able to control it and the situation exploding. + +I still remember the panic attacks I used to get for no reason (I had no reason to) and I shudder.... It was the worst situation and time of my life. I feel that it has marked me forever. + +My life is highly limited and I'm quite young...",I have a golden opportunity. Fear and anxiety takes hold of me.,4 +584,"I know this isn't strictly anxiety related but it loops back, trust me. My job deals heavily with job tracking on spreadsheets and recently I've had several instances where I spot something, go to point it out to someone, and it's gone.. or its just different than I thought. And then I look like a moron. And that triggers my anxiety because now I feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I don't know what's going on. Its been happening to me for weeks. I'll be asked ""why did you date this for last week?"" and I look and I'm like I don't fucking know, but there's my name, and there's the date, and it's obviously wrong! Or someone asked ""Was this requested in 2022?"" And I swear I looked it up and found it! So I asked someone about it, and then it was gone. Like it never existed. Poof! Vanished. Did I somehow develop dyslexia at 38? Am I losing it? What's going on?? I feel like I look like such an idiot to my colleagues all of a sudden and I worry about my future.",Does anyone else who works heavily with spreadsheets sometimes misread things and feel like they're going crazy?,4 +585,"Hi everyone! +I'm writing here because I have pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks and recently I got a job. I've been on the job for about a week now. Even tough I don't see myself on this job in the future and I don't really like it , I really need money so I had to work until I find what I like. While It hasn't been terrible I get anxiety attacks almost daily, sometimes there is nothing to trigger them, they just come. + +If anyone here is in simmilar situation please tell me how you manage? I really don't want to embarass myself but sometimes I can't control all that anxiety. I take xanax sometimes but I don't want to do it daily.",Job anxiety,4 +586,"I'm currently playing a video game, but long story short, my question is: Although it's unreasonable and extremely unlikely I'm worried that my account is going to be deleted and it's a 100+ hour game. So, I can either just cut my losses (Only 5 hours in) and start a new account, giving in to the anxious thoughts and discomfort. Or keep going feeling bad playing this account I'm currently playing, but could maybe get over at some point? But my basic question is, to get over anxiety do I have to push through it when it's really hard? Or let my self off sometimes? + +&#x200B; + +I'm had gaming anxiety for about a year and a half, it's really affecting my enjoyment with them, I always feel that my gameplay experience is being tarnished in some way, example: Feeling that I'm wasting it feeling anxious, The game is going to bug out on me causing me to have to restart etc. + +&#x200B; + +Thanks in advance!",What should I do? Gaming Anxiety,4 +587,"Hi All, + +I never had an issue with needles, no fear whatsoever. I got bloodtests regulary. I had a bloodtest last year, and I'm very pale and the nurse had issues finding a vein. Anyway, she just stuck it in and said "" oops "" I felt a sharp pain up my left arm, she must have pierced a nerve. I felt light headed and sick and next thing I woke up a few minutes later lay down on the bed, I passed out + + +It was the weirdest experience as it's never happened before. I need to have another blood test soon and I keep putting it off out of fear of this happening again. Are there any meds that can help? + +&#x200B; + +I have diazepam and propranolol, not sure which one would help. My doctor gave me diazepam before I was last supposed to have one, but I cancelled. any advice would be greatly appreciated","Fainted during a blood test last year, need some advice",4 +588,,is it normal to have a group of visible veins on the top of my thigh?,4 +589,"Hello people, I wanted to know if there's any natural remedies for anxiety? Suggestions would help.",Are there any natural remedies for anxiety?,4 +590,"I’m practicing driving from my road test coming up soon. When I’m driving in the car with my mom, she makes me feel nervous and anxious. Every time I make mistake, she makes this mad face and cross her arms. It make my heart rush. When I get very nervous and anxious, I can throw up or have a seizure. I told my my mom that she triggers my anxiety. She was mad and started yelling at me because she was one of triggers to my anxiety. For now I’m practicing with my new driving teacher. The teacher is relax and cool.",My mom triggers my anxiety when driving,4 +591,,Doctor here in Egypt switched me from Alprazolam 0.5mg twice a day to Diazepam 5mg three times a day.,4 +592,"Tomorrow i will have to do booking and phonecalls at work, i hate it, but I have to. It gives me so much anxiety, makes my brain all foggy and i cant think straight. I stumble in my words and i worry I sound just stressed and stupid. I also dont know the answers to anything yet. Does anyone have any tips on how i can best prepare for it? And how to stop my brain from stressing out and shutting down? It's probably just gonna be tomorrow, so all i need is to get through that day.","Going to be a horrible day, how do I deal?",4 +593,"throwaway acc. a little bit about myself i’m a 23 F, bi in a very religious country, i have 9-5 job, shit family but i’m really used to it. + +after several suicidal attempts my last one was 9 months ago, not gonna go into details of how i did it but i had a very bad inflammation and stomach ache! did go to the hospital for “being sick for no reason”, docs told me that my test all came back fine and i should just rest (not really sure how but i was glad). + +in the next days i had the worst chest pain i’ve ever experienced and i definitely thought i was gonna have a heart attack and die, one day it got really bad and my heart raced like crazy and i was shaking but no one was around and after a couple of minutes i was ok. i guess it was a panic attack (never had one before) so i brushed it off like nothing happened. + + +in the next months i have been having these weird chest pain i thought i had a problem with my heart, but as days went by i noticed that the pain gets so much worst when i think about certain things. i’ve done so much to get rid of the pain yet it seems like it only gets worst. + +i was watching a video on youtube the other day about a medical case and when they started to describe the symptoms that the patient had I HAD THE WORST CHEST PAIN SO FAR!! my heart was racing and my chest tightened i couldn’t breathe! + +googled it and got an “anxiety test”, idk what to do. it really fucked me up i thought i was crazy. + +p.s: every time i get the chest pain i would google my symptoms and only get “HEART ATTACK” and “IMMEDIATELY CALL 911”, it makes the pain way worst…. + +i need tips on how to control my anxiety please!",are those anxiety attacks?,4 +594,Anyone that can chat with me? My hearts been racing for a bit over some stress and it’s causing me pretty bad anxiety. 😓,Heart racing making me super anxious/panicky,4 +595,"so, just a second ago my phone stopped randomly working. I could open apps but couldn’t scroll or do anything once I was in the app. + +I got super anxious and was at the verge of TEARS because Im a fucking idiot that was like +“oh god now my phones not working now I need to save up money so I can buy a new phone because this phone will never work again!!!” + +I hate that I get scared for such small things, cause I’m tired of getting anxiety attacks over my charger not working for half a second, thinking I’ve dropped my keys only to find out they’re in my back pocket or something. + +It’s horrible and I want it to stop, right now.",I hate getting anxiety attacks over small shit.,4 +596,"Hello all! + +I've been working for my sister's friends business for over a year now. + +In the span of the last 6 months, I have had 3 major anxiety episodes of a week or longer. + +Im having another bout of debilitating anxiety and decided that a leave of absence would be best for me to get better or help if I end up needing it. + +I still feel guilty as I've been out a week already, but I know I shouldn't feel guilty. + +Am I doing the right thing?",Leave of absence at work,4 +597,"idk if this will make sense but I always have these moments where I’m really aware of myself and my body and then I start thinking of myself and past self overall and I feel like I don’t know myself and like I’m in a strangers body it’s freaking me out and I’m having so much anxiety. + +advice ???",I’m freaking out,4 +598,"to be honest, i’ve only tried meditating twice now. but i’ve seen amazing results. + +the first time i did it for 10 minutes, and immediately after i felt calm enough to send an email to my boss that i was anxious about sending. + +about 10 mins ago i started it again and i’m honestly so surprised with the result. i feel like i can focus on my university goals and can stop myself from scrolling endlessly. all of the voices in my head disappear and are replaced with what feels like 1 good “leading” voice. + +it makes me feel a lot happier knowing i can dedicate 10 minutes of my day to just breathing in absolute silence without having to stress over anything in that time. hopefully in the future this can do more amazing things",meditation and overthinking,4 +599,"I have been yawning and trying to catch my breath for the past few hours always caused by anxiety and stress from working out. It honestly feels horrible like I can’t catch my breath. And no I don’t have asthma…I’ve checked every type of doctor and seen a lung specialist when my anxiety was the worst during covid. + +I decided to have a healthy protein filled snack just now and ate a whole pack of sardines which was 44g in protein. It also had about 3000mg of omega 3 in the 1 pack/2servings and now I feel extremely calm, relaxed, and can breathe normal. Thinking of taking at least 2000mg amount of omega everyday to combat anxiety now as it seems to work extremely well. Has anyone else had this experience??",Omega 3 for anxiety,4 +600,"After tests and every thing coming back normal, my doctor told me they are panic attacks . Can’t believe you can get intense left side chest pain like that.",Anybody else get intense left chest pain from panic attack? That also radiates to left shoulder blade ?,4 +601,"Hey, I have been having really bad health anxiety for the past week in a half. Pain started in my right index finger. I thought it was because I write and type a lot so I started to rest it. Over the past week, my finger has gotten better but other parts of my body have really been hurting. One day, my shoulders were killing. One night I woke up and my back was killing. The next day, my legs were in so much pain. Now I am just feeling a bit of pain in my back. I am not really active and nothing traumatic happened to me either. I think I just have anxiety in general but these pains are really freaking me out. + +I also got blood work done today so I'm waiting for the results. I shouldn't have, but I have been searching up my symptoms online and it kind of sounds like MS, with pain moving around my body. I have never had any medical issue like this before and I am kind of freaking out. I am also in my last semester of university and I just want to be done. I just needed to rant lol",Scared I have MS,4 +602,"I got my discharge letter from child mental health services and it had the usual things in. But it then had a paragraph saying ""it's important to note the patients diagnosis of ... And anxiety"" a different psych told me the anxiety is from a different disorder I disagree but still it seems weird I wasn't told or discussed with about it. + +And only ""anxiety"" a close family member has GAD and another has social anxiety but never heard of it like how they wrote it. I don't really care what label is put on me for myself but my new mental health team is going to get this letter and prescribe medication/therapy accordingly. As I do really struggle with anxiety I'd like to get help for it but this seems like it's not a legitimate things and just a passing comment. + +If it helps they removed eupd from the original psychiatrist and added ""anxiety"" is it just people don't like diagnosing bpd so used this as a substitute? I live in care so although I don't like having the label bpd it does give my support workers different expectations (emotional disregulatuion, abandonment issues, destructive behaviour). + +I've emailed both psychiatrist but it seems as I'm not their patient amymore they won't respond lol","Diagnosed with ""Anxiety""? Is it a real thing or comment about struggles?",4 +603,"So the other day I had a full blown anxiety attack at work. All of the sudden my heart started racing, my whole body was shaking so bad, I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I was terrified. The fact that this was happening at work made it 1000% worse. I was with a coworker, and had to run to the bathroom for like 10 minutes to try to calm down. I barely calmed down, but went back out to help customers. I was probably obviously shaking like a lunatic, but I did my best to work through it. I was honest with my coworker and told them what was going on. + +This is a job that I've been doing on and off for several years. Nothing bad happened, but my life has been chaotic lately and it just snowballed right then and there. How do I get over the embarrassment of this happening not only in front of my coworker but customers too? I still don't know if my coworker told my boss, but if they had, I'm sure my boss would have reached out by now. The last time I had an anxiety attack this bad was about 2.5 years ago. So it's not a common occurrence, but when I go back to work I'm afraid of it happening again, or about repeat customers commenting on it. I just feel so ashamed and like a total loser. I'm in my mid twenties, this shouldn't be happening. I want to hide in bed forever.",How to get over embarrassment over having an anxiety attack at work?,4 +604,"Hi Friends- I'm struggling with the evening scaries. + +I am an Aphant, inner monologue only, zero visual abilities, fact-based recall exclusively. + +I'm struggling in the evenings. Typically it would be called something like the Sunday Scaries I'm experiencing. However, it is every evening now. + +To my knowledge, I do not dream at all in any traditional sense. I'm feeling a physical, visceral reaction to going to bed. There is an overwhelming anxiety to it that is almost paralyzing. It has been happening for a while, but now I'm ready to mention it to yall. + +Once I get to bed, I fall asleep, no problem. It is getting there. It's terrifying. For some reason, my body refuses to go. I have anxiety, but this doesn't feel like worse. It feels like something else, a sense of dread or fear. + +What I've tried: cut caffeine out, eat a proper supper, and have recent blood work done. Breathing exercises, tea etc. I'm doing the things I can think of to help. + +But I can't shake it. Everyone's knee-jerk is to visualize me somewhere else, and well..... I can't. + +Any feedback would be incredibly appreciated! + +Right now I’m sticking to a Xanax, unisom, and melatonin to get me to bed.",Evening Scaries?,4 +605,"I’ve been dealing with increased heart rate, heart pounding, & shaking for the past half hour. I’m home alone with Covid and I don’t want to have a panic attack alone. Please tell me that I’ll be okay.",I can feel a panic attack coming on,4 +606,"Everyone says try drinking more water. Doesn't work. Try changing your diet. Doesn't work. Deep breathing exercises? Doesn't work. **Try exercising**. Kinda works but it comes back shortly after my workout. L-Theanine? Heard great things about it. Makes my anxiety worse. Oh what about Magnesium Glycinate? Makes my anxiety worse. The only thing that helps me personally other than prescription drugs which I am trying to stay away from is hiking in nature on a sunny day. But even then, as soon as I leave, it comes back. I know everyone's symptoms are different but shortness of breath is the main symptom I experience. Even saying a sentence these days I feel out of breathe. I wish I can destroy the parts of my brain that trigger anxiety every second I'm alive.",Is anyone else's anxiety fueling your depression because nothing seems to work?,4 +607,"For context, I'm 17, I have nasty anxiety, and next Wednesday I'm getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth out. I'm going under general anesthesia and this will be my first time. I've been pretty anxious about the whole thing but as the days creep closer it's been getting worse. I talked to my mom, who is a long time nurse, about my anxieties and she gave me plenty of reassurance but it's still just freaking me out. + +I'm more worried about the anesthesia than the surgery itself/recovery. Not worried so much about not waking up but the whole idea of anesthesia as a whole just scares me. Something about falling asleep immediately and not being in control has always made me anxious. I also know all those dumb videos are mostly staged but I'm worried about not being able to control my mouth once I wake up, not sure how loopy it'll make me. + +So yeah, that's it. if you guys have any advice or anything I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.",Anxious about wisdom teeth removal,4 +608,"All my worst fears have been realized. I have had strep throat (confirmed by doctor) for 3 weeks and now I just tested positive for covid (rapid antigen). I spent the night at my partner's and now I'm terrified I got them sick too. They just got over covid a month ago. I would never forgive myself if I got them sick. +I am staying in an air bnb rn because I've just lost my apartment and I'm supposed to catch a flight on friday to move back in with my family who lives an ocean away. +I don't know how this is going to affect my flight and my mental health. I feel physically and mentally ill. I just don't know what to do.",I'm freaking out,4 +609,"I switched from Lexapro to Zoloft and the difference is unbelievable. I am no longer yawning and tired every day, I am no longer gaining weight. I am no longer having panic attacks (fingers crossed)! + +I never thought switching to Zoloft would be this impactful. I have virtually no side effects, other than a few days of nausea when I started.",Zoloft is making my life 10x better,4 +610,"Seeing people touch other people makes me so uncomfortable or mad. I just don't like thinking about how people hold hands or lean on each other, especially when i know there's some sort of feeling behind those interactions. I don't mind when people touch me unless its a special cercomstance but seeing others for example my friends touch each other just ruins my mood, I don't want to be thats guy that ruins the cive while hanging out, any tips?",Not liking seeing others touch others,4 +611,"long story short: + +for a better understanding, i harmed my body and soul so many times because of untreaded trauma ( i think), i drink booze on the weekends since my 18th birthday, and later some party drugs came in. + +if i would have a glimpse of which pain i will live through back in the days i would have never touched any drug. + +i had so many breakdowns in the last 3 years and it feels like i will never be the person again i was. + +with the booze and the drugs came panic attacks and anxiety disorders. + +i am not the same anymore and dont know if this ever will pass. + +i feel miserable, no energy, cant laugh anymore, its like being buried alive. + +how did some of you guys survived this and are your cognitive functions and general well being better? + +i just try with all in my power to get healthy mentally and body. + +im thankful for every help out there, thank you for taking time to read my story.","I cant function anymore, my cognitive abilities are much worse than back in the days. i am emotionally unstable and cry a lot.",4 +612,😭😭😭😭,can I talk to anyone,4 +613,"so today i went to get my nose pierced. the guy piercing my nose spoke at a low volume at times, so it was hard to hear what he was saying to me. there were two instances where i felt very anxious after asking him to repeat himself. + +first he said something to me while i was signing something. i said “hmm?” and stared at me for a few seconds before saying nevermind. from that moment on, i was anxious, thinking about him talking more and me not being able to hear him. + +he did end up talking again. he asked me which side i wanted the piercing on. i said “hmm” three times because i just couldn’t hear him. he stared at me for a few seconds before saying it one more time, slowly and in a seemingly annoyed tone. + +i was so ready to leave the shop. he said to come back if i had any issues with my piercing.. i really hope i don’t have any. i’m already thinking about me not being able to hear him again and him staring me down while looking annoyed. + +i really feel like i annoyed the guy but i didn’t mean to. i just couldn’t hear him well at times. this happened at 3pm. it’s 1am rn and it’s still bothering me..",asking someone to repeat themselves is anxiety inducing,4 +614,"When is have Morning anxiety it sucks so bad. You wake up with your heart jumping out of your chest, you sit there and just shake for awhile and you feel like your whole day is spoiled. At least for me. Anyone else?",Morning anxiety,4 +615,"The Test + +As the test looms closer, my heart starts to race, +It gets difficult to breath, and I'm not ready to face. +I try to focus on studying, but my thoughts are a haze, +Time passes as I stare the page, and now I don't have enough days. + +I have set some expectations, and I can't see myself fail, +In a state of denial, isn't there anything I can do to pervail. +I push myself harder, but the pressure starts to assail. +I wanna just give up, but a part of me doesn't let me abstain. + +The pen feels so heavy, and I can't sustain, +My hands are trembling, my confidence is waning. +I'm incompetent, or maybe this exam is worth nothing, +It doesn't matter, right now it's the only thing for which I'm livin' +Who knows what'll happen if I fail,It's not easy living as someone not winning. + +Yeah and then I failed in 2 subjects out of 5",I had an anxiety attack and tried to write my feelings in the form of a poem.,4 +616,"What is the best response to anxiety, worry, symptoms etc? I watch a good video from shaan kassam that we should do nothing nor trying to fix, fear, fight, focus, and be frustrated.",anxiety response,4 +617,"Antidepressants are a fucking nightmare for me and I'm taking a break from them. I'm currently listed as severe anxiety, depression, ect. I'm going to start on hydroxoline 25mg since 10mg did 0 effect on me. I'd like to have a list on medicine that isn't like antidepressants where I can have withdrawals if I stop.",Any medication that is not addicting like hydroxoline?,4 +618,"Trigger warning: talk of cancer + +I’m 30f and I like to think I’ve somewhat defeated my anxiety. I used to have awful panic attacks daily and I’ve been panic attack free for months, I can’t remember my last one. + +But as my checkup approaches my anxiety is starting to return and im noticing my techniques are working less and less. + +My last check up in October seemed totally fine, then I got a call 2 weeks later saying something wasn’t right and it might be cancer. After 6 weeks of waiting and biopsies, it wasn’t cancer, but was the most advanced stage of precancer. I had surgery and got the “all clear for now.” I will have to be checked every 6 months for 3 years. + +I got a call to remind me that I need to come in soon and I’m just sort of freaking out. Knowing I’ll be waiting around for 2 weeks just expecting to see that number pop up and tell me it’s back or it’s cancer this time. + +Any advice for when your anxiety is around something very real, but also probably not likely (my doctor thinks it won’t come back and that I’ll be ok).",Time for my checkup. Very anxious after I had a cancer scare last check up. Tips?,4 +619,"Does anyone else suffer long enough with anxiety symptoms that they also feel shame for having to take a benzo even when it’s taken as prescribed / not very often . +I look at it as a personal failure I couldn’t ride out my symptoms of anxiety on my own . I just beat myself up no matter what .",Ativan,4 +620,"I get sensations sometimes in my head where I just leap up and feel wrong? I have health anxiety, is this something else?? Anyone relate?",Why do I randomly leap up?,4 +621,"I feel like this is a safe place to vent... + +When I have anxiety episodes (big or small) I get so embarrassed anymore about it. I don't want to put a damper on someone else's day when they are trying to understand why I feel the way that I do. It's also getting harder and harder for me to describe my feelings and reasons for my anxiety. I just wish that I could turn my feelings off, even if it were just for a day. + +Okay, venting over. Let's hope for better days ahead. :/",Tired of my anxiety being a burden to others,4 +622,"I want to find natural supplements that calm down anxiety, I tried Lion's Mane Mushroom but it gave me terrible vertigo and I had to stop it. I've had anxiety my entire life but I've never been to a psychiatrist and I don't like the amount of side effects that anxiety meds give. My anxiety is severe. I'd appreciate it if you can recommend any supplements that would make it at least a little better. I have hand tremors that make me throw things and my sleep quality is terrible.",Recommendations for supplements,4 +623,"I obsess a lot over having a passion. It's really dumb, I know. But I think it's just my brain trying to find a sense of direction after a really bad depressive episode. + +It makes me go in constant circles, trying to figure out what activity is going to magically put me on the fast track to happiness. Even though I know things are not this simple, my brain still thinks of things in this way. + +It's really stressful to worry about what activities to do and what will make you happy in the long run instead of just living life. That's all any of us can do, no matter how much we overthink. + +I am upping my lexapro dosage, so hopefully that helps. I know it takes a month or so for SSRIs to kick in, and I have only been on my new dosage for a week and a half, but I don't feel much better. I have a therapist too, and she hasn't been much help, even though she tries. + +I have just been struggling with this weird obsession for so long and I have been through so many cycles I just don't think I will ever break out of this mindset.",Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a hold on my anxiety.,4 +624,Hi I am actually writing to help a friend who’s really struggling with anxiety and depression. Currently on pristiq (depression) but has been recommended lorazepam (for anxiety) which she doesn’t want to take. Are there any other combos that help with anxiety? Thanks a bunch.,Recommendation,4 +625,"Hi, I'm Peter, 20. Recently I've been thinking of bad things happening base on my intuition. Most of these bad things are related to my relationship with the people around me. I'm constantly thinking that they have something against me or they're betraying me. This started last year, 2022 after the restriction, because of the pandemic, loosened. I had a group of friends that I was with and had a few drinks together, had fun, and typical stuff you do with your friends. After a fee months, I felt something was wrong. Even though they are not showing it, I feel it that they don't like me. I confronted them about it, and they said ""no"". But few days after that, someone told me what they've been saying about me. I felt betrayed and sad. After that unfortunate incident, I've been having trust issues and I trust my intuition more than ever. + +Now, I'm talking to someone. He's sweet and gentle. He works hard and is independent. He talks to me even though he's tired, I really feel that he's someone to keep. But today, I just felt that something's wrong. He called me but he didn't speak. I called him back but didn't answer. I texted him what's wrong, if he's okay. He answered me ""yupp"". That was it, not even an explanation. I don't know if I should tell this guy that what he did triggered my anxiety, and I suddenly felt that he's unto something. I don't want to think much about it because I actually like him. + +Should I tell him after his shift or I should keep it to myself and see what the future holds for me?",How do I keep myself from constantly coming into conclusion base on my intuition?,4 +626,"so this weekend i got drunk friday and saturday and today tuesday i feel worse than i did sunday + +feel dizzy like im about pass out when i stand, feel sick, just feel very weird + +not sure if my anxiety is making it worse or not but can they last for days later after 2 days of heavy drinking?",can hangovers last days?,4 +627,I end up saying things awkwardly or I give off a weird vibe when really it's just my anxiety that's making me so socially awkward and it's driving me crazy how I can't just be chill and like myself around people,anxiety makes me so socially awkward,4 +628,"i’ve always known i have pretty bad anxiety, and i was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in the past year. + +today a pretty scary situation happened and i’ve started realizing that i lose memory of events that cause me a lot of anxiety, or i’ll forget a lot of details about them. it happened only two hours ago and i wouldn’t be able to explain the situation to someone if they were to ask me about it now. + +i know i have anxiety but i can’t recall times of feeling incredibly anxious. i know it happens because i know how it feels, i just don’t remember why i was feeling it. + +i was wondering if anyone experienced anything similar, and if someone knows what might be going on? thanks.",what’s happening?,4 +629,"I have not been diagnosed with anxiety or anything yet but I have a problem. +I can't really do anything in school becouse if ONE off thing happens, I freak the fuck out. + +Right now I am laying in bed becouse I am not able to go. In school today we would've had this weird thing where we go and get to know what it's like to work. +I have have a burning feeling in my chest all the time. + +Any advice?",I can't do anything in school.,4 +630,"I’ve fallen asleep my favorite movie every night since a traumatic event thats been causing me extreme anxiety. Rewatching movies makes me feel in control, distracts me from my anxiety and comforts me. Does anyone else do this to help cope?",How often do you rewatch your favorite movies?,4 +631,Have been having a terrible anxiety day thinking i’m feeling it in my chest. I’ve been having terrible health anxiety and it’s just making it work. What’s your best tips i feel like not sleeping is just making it worse.,Can not sleep,4 +632,"I’ve been on Lexapro since March 5th. On March 19th I started taking 10 mg. I can’t take these side effects, my anxiety has significantly worsened. How do I taper off? Or can I just stop being that it’s only been two weeks? TIA.",Tapering,4 +633,"Hello all! I have a history of asthma and propranolol can cause bronchospasms. + +I was wondering if anyone has had any luck with a first Gen beta blocker or any other medication that has helped with fight or flight response. + +This will not be taken as medical advice, any options would be mentioned with my doctor. I was honestly sad hearing that about propranolol, I thought it would be my miracle.",Alternative to propranolol?,4 +634,"All we have is now. Not the past not the future, just now",Now,4 +635,How long did it take you to recover?,Any agoraphobia success stories?,4 +636,"Hey everyone. I'm new here. I'm writing this to be very transparent and to ask for help. I don't want to ruin my relationship or participate in toxic communication habits. + +I am finding that my anxiety really acts up when my apartment isn't clean. My husband and I both aren't the best when it comes to doing the dishes as soon as we use them or cleaning up clothes right away. But I feel like I atleast take initiative and try. I feel he usually won't start cleaning on his own unless it's his own stuff or I practically yell at him to. + +I feel like I shouldn't even have to ask my partner to care about taking care of our home. I can't be the only one doing it. I'm honestly losing it because sometimes I get so frustrated and anxious, I do get mad quickly. How do I change this? It's not even like I want to be mad, it just happens because I've reached my limit mentally. I'm not on meds, I wouldn't even know what to ask for. + +I feel like I just don't wanna have to ask him to clean anymore. Why can't he just do it on his own? I don't think I'm asking for a lot and I'm made to feel like a bitch or like I'm lecturing him when I'm all I'm doing is asking me to do some chores. In fact, why do I even have to ask? I feel hopeless. I feel stuck. I can't afford a housekeeper every week right now. + +I can't control him. I just wanna know what I can do to manage my anxiety around this. And please no stupid advice like leave him because we are married. I know this issue can be fixed I just don't know where to start.",I really need some help with managing my anxiety when it comes to lack of cleanliness,4 +637,"I'm switching Escitalopram (*+ bupropion*) to Brintellix and I'd really love to hear some good experiences about this pill (if possible). **Nothing bad, please**. I'm already super anxious and nervous about this change.",Brintellix - Any GOOD experiences?,4 +638,,"I have recently started taking 25mg of serdep. The dry mouth during the day is quite annoying, anybody experience this and have any tips on how to deal with it please?",4 +639,I would be doing okay then all of a sudden anxiety would just flood and my body was go crazy with adrenaline and brain releasing all chemicals. Then all of a sudden everything stops. Feels like my brain just seizes and stops releasing adrenaline and other chemicals and just goes idle. I feel stuck with a blocked brain that wouldn't get sleepy wouldn't get scared wouldn't do anything. Literally just blocked. It's a weird blank head feeling that would last for days until it gradually feels back to normal again and I would panic for some reason and the brain would go idle again. I don't know how to explain this. Hopefully someone cam relate.,Hey guys! Do you relate to this?,4 +640,"I’ve had anxiety for years, since I was very young, I remember being afraid of everything and having phobias of germs, getting sick, heights, flying, driving, certain foods, etc. I was constantly scared as a child and eventually as I went off to college when I was 16 I slowly learned to live with my anxiety. I tried new things, I slowly came out of my shell. When I hit 34.. everything came to a head, I had gone through a major divorce at 33, lived through COVID under constant fear, I was diagnosed with PCOS, was moving across the country in May and was the heaviest I had ever been May 2022. By August 2022 I had lost 70lbs in almost two months because I was so afraid to eat I was basically crying every single day. I couldn’t eat and refused to, my emetophobia was so strong I could barely move everyday. I was in the ER multiple times, having procedures and CT scans done and no one could find out what was wrong with me. + +It was then that I finally decided that I needed medication, I talked to a psychiatrist for the first time. I felt like a failure, I had been through so much but I couldn’t break this fear and horror of food. Therapy wasn’t helping and I had been so afraid of food that no one could get me to eat more than a bite or two for a whole day. I was prescribed medication because one of its side effects was to rise my appetite, and at first it didn’t work. I felt again, so defeated and exhausted. They put me on a higher dose.. and after a few weeks, I felt hungry. I had cravings again. I felt like finally eating and I was so famished, I finally ate a piece of pizza because the cheese looked so good I couldn’t not eat it. + +September 2022 I decided to start going to the gym, I was scared at first, I only would go in for 20 minutes 3 times a week. I was so weak, I had lost all my muscle starving myself. + +October 2022 I went to the gym for the first time for an hour. I went up to the free weights and was discouraged, but then watched some YouTube videos and started building workouts. I walked my first mile without pain. I was eating 1,800 calories a day. I wasn’t as afraid. + +November 2022 I ate out at a restaurant for the first time in months! I had nachos and they were delicious. I wasn’t afraid! I had my colonoscopy and they found IBS and colitis. I finally had answers to my stomach pains. + +December 2022 I made a big Christmas dinner with my partner and roommate and I ate a full meal! I was now lifting at the gym 5 times a week. + +January 2023 I travelled out of the state on a plane! I ate out almost everyday! I enrolled back into school for my masters. + +February 2023 to now: I workout 5 days a week and I walk 2-3 miles every single day. I keep my body on a routine for my chronic illnesses and I eat a focused healthy diet everyday. + +Some days are still hard, some days have anxiety.. some days my stomach hurts and I have flare ups randomly. But every bad day has five times better ones. I focus on the positive, I try not to be afraid of anything anymore. And even if I am? I remember it can’t hurt me, and I’ll be okay tomorrow. + +I wish everyone the best of luck in your journey and recovery 💜","My progress, how I learned to live and progress with my anxiety.",4 +641,"im just having anxiety I don’t know why this is like my 3rd post on here in one day but I don’t have anything else +anything is appreciated",really want someone to talk to until I can fall asleep,4 +642,"Does anybody have problems with their eyes when they have BAD anxiety or one eye in particular? My left eye ALWAYS feels weird almost like there is a veil over it. I have been the the eye doc and they said their is nothing wrong structure wise but I do have dry eye. I was told today it’s a tension headache. My neck and shoulders are pretty tight and sore as well, but my eyes has been doing this long before the tension. I am starting to freak out pretty bad…..",Weird Eye?????,4 +643,"lately ive been terrified of going to sleep. i dread it all day. my anxiety has always been worse at night, and it would disrupt my sleep quite a bit occasionally, but recently ive been staying up till 2-4am every night. no matter how tired i am, i force myself to stay awake. i dont know why im so afraid of falling asleep now, i used to love sleeping and looked forward to it. its always made me a bit uneasy thinking about how vulnerable and defenseless you are while sleeping, but its never been this bad. + +im always convinced that something bad will happen to me or my pets while im sleeping, or that i'll go to sleep and not wake up in the morning (which not too long ago i would've been completely fine with). i havent had a good nights sleep in almost 2 months now. im so exhausted. it feels like i find something new to worry about almost every day, and those anxious thoughts are always the loudest at night. + +sleep is the last thing i thought i'd ever be afraid of, but here we are i guess.",possible somniphobia?,4 +644,"When i have alot of anxiety for weeks i get so tired from doing literally nothing, just daily tasks etc. I even feel out of breath when not active. Also higher average heart rate, and chest (lungs, heart) feels so sore/fatigued. Anyone been through the same?",Anyone feel very fatigued and out of breath?,4 +645,"tldr: does anyone else have fantasies about getting sick or injured and others feeling sympathy for you and how do you move past them? + +for as long as i can remember I've always had fantasies about getting injured or sick and having people feel sympathy for me and take care of me. as a little kid when i would play with my toys the stories i made up would always revolve around someone getting injured or sick and others taking care of them. I've always felt so embarrassed and ashamed of these fantasies and I've realized i probably bave these fantasies cause all I've ever wanted was someone to notice how much I'm struggling and actually comfort me and understand how hard everything is for me. but these fantasies just make me feel like a terrible person. I've never admitted this to anyone just cause of how awful it makes me feel when i think about the reality of my fantasies.",injury and illness fantasies,4 +646,"I’m still in school, 15 I feel like I have friends but no one really likes me. Every day I come home feeling more like shit and I struggle to talk to anyone. I feel like I don’t connect with anyone and everyone gets along with each other then everybody thinks I’m a weirdo because I’m quiet. I hate being like this, Is this anxiety or am I just overreacting. I don’t want to give much more details but I really struggle to talk to people unless they make the first move. It feels like I’m a total outcast even teachers don’t want to talk to me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I wouldn’t say I’m ugly or weird besides being quiet. What do I do and how do I stop being so anxious when saying even the smallest thing to another person. I big myself up everyday and then I come home having done nothing different. I just got back to school after a long break since I had surgery and I’ve been feeling more depressed when coming home from school ever since.",I don’t know what’s wrong with me.,4 +647,I’ve been taking 10-20mg and still having panic attacks.,What propranolol dosage to take?,4 +648,"That being said, Jessie J's description of it on the Diary of a CEO made me realise I might have it. I'm perfectly fine performing tasks in X situation but doing the same in Y I shake, have weakness lifting stuff etc based on environment, people etc. is this anxiety? + +I've not being diagnosed at all because this is a ""recent"" development.","Hey. I don't understand anxiety as a whole. Don't get me wrong, I'm not denying it's existance.",4 +649,"Started thinking about this today when out for a walk as I noticed myself constantly touching my bellybutton and stomach when I was starting to feel that tight, anxious feeling. I seem to do this without thinking and I am sure to people walking past, it looks a bit strange! I remember also in the past when I would get anxiety attacks or feelings of even slight panic, I would start touching my neck (maybe almost unconsciously due to my breathing). Not sure if it helps, but when I am not able to do it easily (say when driving or holding something) I feel a bit worse if that makes sense. + + These habits have developed very randomly for me over time and seem to come out as soon as I start having symptoms of anxiety and anxious thoughts. Just thought I'd ask if any of you have any strange practices you do, maybe even as a coping mechanism or way of bracing yourself when your anxiety is heightened. + +Anxiety is a strange kettle of fish but hope everyone is coping in their own way and getting through it one day at a time.",Any strange things you do when feeling anxious,4 +650,"I’ve been seeing a therapist for a few weeks. One of my questions I asked recently is: why do I always feel like I want things over with? + +I am not talking about life-ending. But it seems like I just want things over with. Anything. When I was in school; work; hanging out with people; going to an event etc etc etc + +My therapist said we can address it as we go further into our sessions. But wanted to know if anyone else feels this way?",Anyone else?,4 +651,"I have tried Prozac and while it does help a lot with my stabilizing my mood, I find it doesn't help much with anxiety. Can anyone share or recommend a good SSRI for anxiety and ocd, and if you also can share how well it has worked for you. Thank you",Does anyone know which SSRI is best for Anxiety and OCD?,4 +652,I'm not talking about a fear of dentists. (Though I have that too) what I'm talking about is the fear of having something wrong with your teath. Worrying about every speck or black spot that I see. Checking my gums constantly to make sure that they are ok. I spend so much time in front of a mirror and a light checking to make sure there are no new signs of any dental issues. This is on top of brushing my teeth after everytime I eat (usually). It's getting so stressful for me. To the point where I dont really have the energy to do things that I want to do or hobbies. How the heck do I get this under control? Does anyone else suffer from this. I think part of my fear is that A) I've had bad experiences in the past with dentists/dental work. B) I've started taking care of my teeth now but I'm worried old problems will show up. C) I don't have the finances for something to go wrong with my teeth. I save as much as I can but I don't make all that much so yeah.,Does anyone else suffer from dental anxiety? How have you cured it?,4 +653,"I had a drs appt this AM before work about starting meds for anxiety. Im anxious about taking meds in general and dont want to take SSRIs. Long story short, I came prepared and specifically asked for one of two meds (wellbutrin and buspar). The dr + supervising physician refused to prescribe either. One bc im at a high risk of seizures bc family history + alcoholism + other meds... that was the one I wanted most bc it does depression, anxiety, adhd, and helps w nicotine / alcohol cessation. The other one was the only other anxiety med I was willing to try and they said no bc it doesn't treat depression, only anxiety. The hypothesis is that my severe anxiety is the only reason I am able to function with slightly-less-severe depression, so they don't want to prescibe it bc the fear is if they treat the anxiety but not the depression I will quickly spiral into a deep depression. + +I haven't felt this depressed in quite a while. I don't want to take an SSRI, and it feels like my only option is that or panic attacks wherein I get so stressed out my blood pressure rises high enough to give me nosebleeds like an anime character.",SSRIs,4 +654,I keep worrying about anyersums everyday I know it's not likley but I've had this headache for 7 days I went to the doctor they said I should be fine just take three ibuprofen every night. Then my dad says I'm fine but I have to keep asking and saying I need to go to the er I'm having an anyersum or I need to get a ct scan or mri I'm freaking out everyday to the point where I can't take it anymore its ruining my life I'm so stressed out over some stupid fear of a brain anyersum I need some advice please.,I KEEP PANICKING I NEED HELP.,4 +655,"I have ADHD, anxiety, go through cycles of depression, a mild eating disorder, a family history of suicide attempts (I am not in any danger), and a high stakes job. Recently, I have been failing to meet expectations, having concentration and memory failures due to stress. I have been referred to the Employee Assistance Program for free counseling that will report to my employer. What exactly should I tell this person? I would love to hear and learn from the experiences of others before I say the wrong thing and get myself fired. It may already be too late.",Employee Assistance Programs,4 +656,"Listen & learn people. + +This is a Youtube video from ""Healthy GamerGG"". I found it very relateable and helpful and I think anyone who has struggled with social anxiety/rejection/whatever can learn a thing or two. ",Rejection Sensitivity: The Real Reason You're Struggling in Relationships,4 +657,I don’t have the strength to kill myself but I want to hurt myself.,I made huge embarrassing mistake at work while on a conference call with my manager and a client and I’m thinking of self-harming. What should I do?,4 +658,"Mine is mostly about past jobs I had that I hated that gave me lots of anxiety and I didn’t like how my boss talked to me + +Hers is about past relationship trauma where guys would talk to her wrong and/or hit her + +Sometimes she’ll be explaining how to do something to me and if I don’t immediately get it, her tone of voice will raise a little, which increases my anxiety and *weakens* my ability to focus, which makes her more frustrated with me, which makes me angry… and now we’re both triggered and yelling at each other and hurting each others feelings… + +repeat cycle every 2 weeks or so… we’ve been married for a year and a half now… + +I’ve tried telling her how what she says/how she says it affects me sometimes but she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with what she’s doing + +Help?",My and my wife’s past trauma is causing lots of friction in our marriage,4 +659,"I was doing well four months ago, then one single moment changed everything where my heart started racing, mouth went dry and I completely shut down. That moment lead me to leave my job. Since then I've been a mess, I'm constantly worried and anxious. I have an interview for a job on Thursday but as much as I want to get back into something, i can't stop panicking about it and I fear I'm going to back off. + +I've tried different techniques to try help but nothing seems to work.",I don't know what to do,4 +660,"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8913014/ + +Hello 20M and I quit vaping 3 months ago after vaping for 4 years and I have no plans on going back. Picked up this habit in high school (peer pressure) and it continued because I was in the same group of friends since then. Vaped here and there in high school and every damn day in college. Chain vaping 55 mg nic salt pretty much. Obviously this is my fault, but I can’t help but think my future is uncertain and I probably fucked up my health. My lung has been feeling weird for a few months now and it’s causing me anxiety. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even want to do anything in college that could help my career because I think I’m going to die in the near future. Like what’s the point. Im convinced I’m going to die from lung cancer sometime in the future or cardiac issues. I’ve been having chest pain and it’s scary. I take an snri rn and it’s helping but the thoughts won’t go away. It’s getting to the point where I’m reconsidering my whole life because I feel like I ruined it. I’m very depressed and anxious about it and I wish I knew vaping was absolutely terrible for you before I even started. I know this post may seem dramatic but this is what goes through my head every morning until I sleep. I keep thinking it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I’ve gotten straight As my entire life, been going to the gym, eating right. Im in college about to go into a career path that’s exciting and the future potentially could have been great but I have my one single vice that I was too stupid to quit. Damn idk I just needed to vent because it gets exhausting. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this kind of stuff. Obv my parents don’t know about this they just think I’m very distressed and depressed about school or smt. I see all of my peers off doing amazing things with their lives and I’m just going through this bs. It’s pathetic the person I’ve become. Younger me would’ve died if he saw what I turned into. Throwing away life it seems like just for a little buzz. I’ve been trying to get my friends off this shit too but they prob see me as biased due to my health anxiety with vaping.They are great but I can’t help but feel I wouldn’t be in this situation if I stayed away from the red flags. Once one person starts doing it it’s like dominos and no one thinks twice about it being bad. Damn my whole life building up to smt and I just jeopardize it over bullshit. I just needed to vent, the health anxiety is getting bad to the point where Im certain cancer or a heart attack is coming and there’s no point anymore.",I’ve been reading this vape study I’m getting freaked out convinced I’m going to die. My future is fucked and I feel like giving up.,4 +661,"I’m prepared to be called all sorts of names. I’ve had people tell me this is unhealthy and to get serious help. Like I don’t know that. + +This will get buried in the flood of posts. I’ll try still. My partner is going on a work trip. She’s been on a couple before but never outside the country. + +It simply terrifies me. I want to support her. I have severe anxiety. I do take medication and get professional help. But it’s still hard. + +The thought of being home alone for 4-5 days roughly with my partner a 10 hour flight away in another nation worries me. + +I don’t know what to say or do. I’m probably nothing more than a burden of a partner and a person in general. I’ve had two funerals in the last two months too. + +I’m just tired and very, very nervous.",Work trips are terrifying,4 +662,"From time to time when my anxiety is acting up, I start shivering almost violently. All of my muscles clench so hard that sometimes my abdomen begins to hurt. It usually appears to be related to feeling cold, but not always. For example, I had a cat attacked by a stray dog a little while back, and before I could do anything to help her I nearly fell to the ground I got these “chills” so bad. I had to sit down and take a bunch of deep breaths before I could function. +I couldn’t even look at her or I’d just start shaking worse. + +I think the correlation to the cold is psychological. I walk into a cold room or get out of my warm bed and it starts, but usually only when I’m worried that it might happen to begin with. + +Does this sound like a standard anxiety response to you all?",Do you ever get intense “chills” with your anxiety?,4 +663,"For starters I procrastinate too much I manage to do okay but I know I waste time. Recently my Tik Tok has been infested with investment bankers and even scammer type video of people in their 20’s making $600,000k per year. I know the fallacy that social media is fake. But it is making me spiral a little. I go to a T100 law school which is decent and I have decent grades even an interview soon. I just feel I wasted so much time and energy and should have aimed to be making that 600+ already. The legal internships I’m applying for as full time jobs don’t make that kinda money but still money I’m comfortable with. But now I’m thinking I need to aim for that for the sake of my struggling parents and my current gf who comes from wealth and doesn’t currently work but loves luxury.",Social media addict Tik Tok Algorithm freaking me out.,4 +664,"For context, I'm in high school. My anxiety has been super bad lately and it's been causing me to miss school a lot. My mom convinced me to go today and it was horrible. +My science teacher is a great teacher but he can be pretty harsh sometimes telling us our year is the worst, our generation is the worst, smirking when we do badly on quizzes. Despite all that stuff I really do respect him as a teacher and he's good at the material. +I just needed someone to vent to about him so I went to my counselor who I loved. She listened and offered insight but then I had to leave. +At the end of the day my science teacher pulls me aside and tells me that my counselor told him everything. He said she told him that I said stuff that he doesn't remember saying (it's definitely possible he doesn't remember but it did happen) and that I was holding on to stuff from the past which wasn't true as he says similar stuff pretty much daily. + The worst part is my counselor completely misunderstood one of my rants. She told him I was upset that he wasn't immediately able to help with something and that I had to wait. That wasn't at all true. And he said that he thought I would have understood so I explained she misunderstood and he seemed to believe me. I just think he believes I asked her to go to him for me so he's mad I didn't directly speak with him. He was really respectful one on one which I forget he is sometimes because of how he treats our class as a whole. I just feel really bad, I don't always agree with him but I never wanted to hurt anyones feelings. I was just going to someone I thought I could trust to talk things out. I'm not even really mad at my science teacher I'm just frustrated that my counselor went behind my back like that. I feel horrible though. I cried for 2 hours and I don't ever want to go back to school again. I feel like such an awful person. What should I do and how do I stop replaying everything in my mind?",How do I calm down and what should I do?,4 +665,"So I am on my last leg of a series of work trips away from home. I have 3 days left but the last few days have been terrible. I am constantly on edge worried my heart is going to give out to make matters worse I am waking up early in the morning in my hotel with a racing heart beat so my sleep is terrible. To make matters worse I am periodically getting pins and needles feelings in my extremities and/or face which is further driving my heart anxiety. + +I am a 43 year old male that is healthy and only slightly overweight and had a physical less than a year ago with no issues and low cholesterol ect. Even with this knowledge I still worry I am going to die alone in my hotel of a heart attack and just cannot seem to get my head straight. Anyone else have this issue or have had it in the past? Could really use some encouragement and advice. I feel like I should go to the ER to double check everything is ok but whenever I do this I end up paying hundreds to be told it is anxiety related. Appreciate any advice as I’m really struggling",Really struggling this week with my health anxiety wondering if anyone has the same issues?,4 +666,"I have no history of anxiety. Yesterday, I had a really bad panic attack and had to go to the ER. They ran tests and said my heart was fine. A day later im still having lots of discomfort in my chest as well as breathing problems. Is this normal? Any advice on what I should do?",Had a really bad panic attack yesterday,4 +667,"I (19m) have a problem. I am failing at almost every aspect of life. I am failing 3 of my 5 classes in college, I don't have a job, I am riddled with anxiety. I lying to my parents that I am doing well in school, that I am saving money for an apartment, and that I am happy. I love my mom more than anything and after a rough childhood she values the truth more than anything but I continue to lie to her about my life. I am a month and a half away from finishing this semester and her finding out my discrepancy. I had a great first semester but now I'm just digging a grave for myself. Im lost and scared. I don't want to leave school due to my girlfriend being here and me for the most part loving my major. I need to find a way to pass my classes or find a solution. I am destroying myself, and I wish I could fix the mistakes that lead me to this point. Please someone give me some wisdom.",I am failing,4 +668,I get so scared at night and not even of normal stuff. Like I feel like a normal person would be scared of an intruder or a spider or something. I get scared like what if the portal to hell is outside my door or what if the sky changes color all of a sudden or what if I go to the bathroom and everything is upside down. Is this normal if not what does it mean,is it normal to become extremely scared of irrational things?,4 +669,,anxiety medication issues ..,4 +670,"And if so how did you do this, did you replace with green tea or no caffeine? etc",Has anyone had any luck curing or improving their anxiety by removing coffee from their diet completely?,4 +671,Has anyone taken prozak before? If so what was your experience? I am nervous about taking it.,Has anyone taken prozak?,4 +672,Has anyone here taken themselves off of all social media for a long period and if so did it help with anxiety? Would you recommend it?,Does removing yourself from social media help?,4 +673,"So I was eating a bit of these cinnamon honey coated almonds and this one I ate tasted horrible, kinda had this strong after taste after you had some strong alcoholic drink. I realized too late and swallowed it. I of course searched it just to make sure it wasn't just me and now im scared, bitter almonds slow down ur nerves, breathing is slow, and causes death. I'm freaking out, it was just one but still. Any help?!",I hate this,4 +674,"I was at the dentist to go get a cavity filled, I was somewhat nervous at first but nothing intense, it wasn’t until they gave me laughing gas I started getting derealization and started feeling weird and told them to stop and take it off, after they removed it they continued and put this rubber thing in my mouth, then I started to freak out because I wasn’t able to breath through my mouth because of it, and when I was breathing out through my nose it started slowing or stopping a bit because it was making my throat stop a little, then it made me gag and they had to stop the procedure, it was embarrassing but at the same time I was disappointed, I wasnt able to control myself, usually I breathe in and out through my mouth but it felt different and weird to only be able to breathe through nose. +I’m doing the procedure again in 6 months, I need help to calm myself down",Had a freak out at the dentist,4 +675,"I am giving Lithium **Orotate** a go for my anxiety. First time trying it. Will report back over the coming days if it helps! + +What's others feedbacks?",Trying Lithium Orotate for Anxiety,4 +676,"Does anyone else feel an overwhelming amount of guilt when feeling angry at other people? I think it may partially be rooted in my abandonment issues but recently my boyfriend had been kinda dickish but I never brought anything up cuz I kept convincing myself that it was my fault and that it’s not a big deal and I’m being too dramatic. I brought it up finally at my tipping point and he said something that really hurt my feelings (also dickish) and I asked if I could have some space before we talked again. At the beginning it was fine but now I’m starting to feel it again, I’m scared I’m being too needy for him and that when I tell him I can talk he’s gonna tell me he realized he doesn’t like me so much anymore and we should breakup. Rationally I DOUBT this is gonna happen but I can’t help but thinking it’s my fault?!? I feel so guilty.",Severe guilt,4 +677,"So basically I’ve suffered anxiety for a few years now but more recently in the past couple months I feel it’s taken over my life with intense physical symptoms and constant brain fog as well, it’s gotten to the point where it’s hard to live. My doctor prescribed me Lorazepam as a way to help get through this stage about 5 days ago and I’ll be the first to say it’s done wonders for me and when I take it I feel way better and it makes life bearable. My only issue is Ik how addictive Benzos are so I don’t wanna take it everyday but on days I don’t take it I feel the usual physical symptoms panic attacks and feeling like shit all day. I want to possibly meet with a psychiatrist to find a more long term and safer solution but it’s hard because my doctors booked out for weeks. Does anyone know a way to speed up this process and also recommendations for what I should being in my current situation? I rlly don’t wanna get addicted to Benzos and idk how long that takes but I don’t wanna risk it (I’m on a small dosage of 0.5 mg a day)",I need advice regarding taking Lorazepam,4 +678,"hi, + +can I have depression without knowing, I have anxiety but it don't stop me from doing things I like except showering, I don't really have any motivation to shower, but I can do anything beside showering + +I'm really confused :|",why I can't shower?,4 +679,"i can take eszopiclone 3 mg with mirtazapine 45 mg +also i was take sertraline 150 mg i have Terrible problems with insomnia even i do the sleep study i have obstructive sleep apnea + +My Treatment Plan sertraline 150 +My Treatment Plan mirtazapine 60 sulpiride 200 zolpidem 5",Consultation,4 +680,"After been diagnosed a year ago with diabetes, this has took my energy trying to fix it, and thanks to the medication on max dose and diet changes, this seems to now be working. + +Next, I want to fix my anxiety, which got worse in last years, due to a few things, like the diabetes, lock-downs, and struggles with such . + +My brain seems over-active, like if I see someone pass next to my front window, it will make me flinch. If doorbell goes it can do that. + +Would you say I have General anxiety? + +\- My eyes look ugly and intense when I am anxious, and I hate eye contact when like this. + +\- Haven't been able to orgasm for many years due to constantly rushing my thoughts. + +\- Struggle with eye contact when anxiety is high or confidence is low. + +\- Find it hard to show natural emotions, like smile etc. It's faked. + +\- I am use to routines. + +I want to overcome the above naturally. I do exercise and have gone out on walks each week either by myself or with parents / family. I try various natural supplements that might just help. The latest I am trying is lithium. + +What helped you, do you have the above symptoms? + +I want to fix the above and make a new friend / partner (though I am asexual), and go on holiday. I'd like that! But it feels impossible atm.","My brain seems over-active in social settings, especially",4 +681,I have a pretty nasty sinus infection causing fluid in my ear and it’s causing vertigo. I have pretty bad anxiety/ panic attacks and ocd. They prescribed me amoxicillin and I’m terrified to take it because of the potential psychological effects. Can anyone that have had them weigh in and tell me they’re not that bad? I don’t know. I want to feel better but i can’t handle more anxiety than what I already deal with (unmedicated.) Just hoping for some guidance here,Antibiotics anxiety,4 +682,"Over the last 2 weeks my (30M) Anxiety had gotten worse to the point of finding it difficult to sleep, no appetite, tight chest, can't focus on work and upset stomach. My doctor proscribed me some very low dose xanax for 10 days and also some other anxiety meds that take around 2 weeks to start working. I'm hesitant to take any of it though, I don't want to feel dependent on meds and then when i stop taking them, the anxiety comes back. + +My long term girlfriend and I broke up earlier in 2022, but we would sometimes keep in touch and see each occasionally. We went to college together, but didnt date in college, so alot of her friends are my friends also. She moved 6 hrs away for a job before we broke up and that was part of why we broke up, along with other things. It was easy being with her from the friends aspect but deep down inside there were some things that really bothered me about our relationship. We always tried to make it work but it just didn't. She ended things with me, but we are on good terms. + +She recently told me that she is seeing someone, and ever since then it has bothered the hell out of me and have had all this anxiety since. Its making me think did I make the right decision in pretty much agreeing to break up, to the point we spoke on the phone and she said, sorry but it's over between us. + +I have gotten anxiety bouts before but its always about job deadlines or things that once over the anxiety goes away. This is different, I know my relationship with her in a romantic way is over, and the severity of this anxiety is much worse than anything I have felt. before. + +Should i consider going to therapy or will just pass in due time? Thought...",Bout of Bad Anxiety - Should I consider Therapy.,4 +683,I feel so embarassed about it,DAE: have difficulty doing the easiest of tasks like for example showering when the anxiety has been severe?,4 +684,"ive been isolating myself and unintentionally staying sick (ulcers and other stomach problems) bc its the only way the self hatred and obsessive thoughts that eat up my mind subside and also i forget easily since feeling this weak. this situation has been overextending to the point where idk how bad it is, im very swollen and dont digest properly... i have palpitations every day and a very slow heart rate. + +I just feel very alone and i know its not worth it to keep going like this... but i have no assistance and no one really, i know this burden shouldn't be carried by a friend but i wish i were able to give and at least have 1 relationship that works. + +My family is very strange and manipulative, it wasnt until now that ive been realizing a bunch of shit about them. Still, i havent done anything for myself or protected my space. i dont know how to deal with this...",trying to cope is killing me too...,4 +685,"Start a new job in a couple hours, only thing I'm really anxious about is I live in a part if the United States which is like 90% spanish speaking and I dont speak a word of it. + +That in itself has made it difficult to find a job, but I found this graveyard shift general labor, hoping it makes speaking only English easier for me. + +I'm only gonna work for a few months, 90 days at the most since its a temp thing anyway, just saving so i can move out of here.",New job anxiety,4 +686,I don’t know what got me reading but I had no idea about the cyanide motrin incident that happened and I feel like I really need motrin right now but am terrified to buy it,Scared to buy motrin,4 +687,"for over a month ive started getting new and uncomfortable symptoms. it started with fatigue/weakness, morning heart palpitations waking me up and arms/legs feeling some type of nervous energy. as of 10+ days ago the fatigue is pretty much gone, i dont seem to have the heart palpitations as much or at all. i was having night sweats often the first few weeks too thats stopped also. but im left with this head pressure or clamy feeling in my head all day. in the morning i feel the sides of my head in the temple region throbbing and some times i can end up happening during the evening too. my head just feels full during the day, and i seem to feel disoriented too and just sensitive to so much. i dont even know how to explain it all. ive been avoiding the gym which i was loving before these new odd symptoms showed up. occasionally ill get some relief in my head and when i did i went to workout and everything was fine but thats only happened twice in this past 30+ days.",head fullness/pressure,4 +688,"So my therapist gave me an idea and a bit of a tip. +She told me when she was going through her anxiety and health anxiety she used to have pains and obsess over them like I do. +Well she told me she started working out so whenever her body was sore she tricked her brain into thinking it was from working out and it kinda was.. so it helped her +Well today my heart always just goes insane even laying in bed . I jumped up and started dancing as soon as I felt my heart go weird . I mean I figured I’d give it something to go wild about 😂 In theory should work right ? +it was funny non the less",Physical symptoms,4 +689,"I just started working at a new place a few days ago, people there super nice and it’s a good environment. But my previous work place (the first place I worked at, so this is my second job) Was a horrible. Very toxic and I’d go home crying every time. (I can go over a whole list of things that happened there) I already had a lot of anxiety but now even more then before. + +I loved it when I had no job, I never had to worry about putting on a mask for customers and coworkers or the responsibilities that come with a job. I hate the long hours because I can feel myself slowly breaking down inside. And when I get back home my anxiety goes through the roof for when I gotta work next. Even if I got days off, I’m so so so freaking worried that they’ll call me to come in when I’m not mentally prepared. I got to have time to psych myself up for work. I’m deep into customer service too so all customers scare me. I just Idk what to do, I’m an adult living with my parents and they pay for a lot of my stuff and I don’t want them to have to do that anymore. But I hate feeling on edge and heaps of anxiety all the time. I don’t know what to do 😓 + +Really needing advice or someone to chat to",Work Anxiety,4 +690,"How to get rid of dizziness when out of the house? + +It feels really weird and I get afraid that I’ll pass out",Dizziness help?,4 +691,"due to mental health i've been slightly struggling with uni studies lately. part of why i'm mentally not doing well is because i've grown up with a rather abusive father and one of the things that he's really forced on me has been to do well in studies, like that's just something that's been going on since i started school + +so this brings me to how extremely anxious i get while studying which usually is at home. it can take a while or it can take a few minutes but majority of the times i get so extremely anxious or just straight up have a panic attack in the middle of it. the part that causes this isn't that 'if i don't study well enough and pass this or that exam i'll struggle even more with uni' but 'if i don't study well enough and pass this or that exam i'll en up in trouble by my dad' + +ultimately i know it's always gonna be 'study for your own sake, not anyone else's' but after growing up with a father that's so abusive in so many ways, it's hard to not make that association and just break out until i can't even focus on studying + +so my question is, making that association or not, does anyone have any advice on how i at the very least can calm down or put myself at ease when this happens while studying?",how do i calm down when i get anxious while studying?,4 +692,"I'll add a little background first, im a 35 year old male and have never had any diagnosed conditions or health problems in general. I have always been extremely shy, social + health anxiety, low confidence, never had a girlfriend, no friends since I moved to a different part of the country when I was about 22. Over time I think I have been able to numb it down, creating explanations and reasonings in my mind, and used video games as an escape. For the last 10 years or so, my life have been: + +&#x200B; + +\- Wake up and eat breakfast + +\- Go to work + +\- Come home and shower + +\- Make and eat dinner + +\- Some kind of workout + +\- Sit at computer + +\- Sleep and repeat + +\- Every other weekend I visit my mom, who I spend quality time with and help out since she has a condition that keeps her from doing many things herself + +&#x200B; + +But a week ago i was hit like a truck with massive depression and anxiety, realizing what my life have been these last 10 years. I feel like I have wasted so much time, especially on the weekends where I was at home doing nothing, instead of going to my mom or just doing anything productive. I got thoughts about existential dread, death and what our purpose really is. I got crushing anxiety about my mom dying and me not spending enough time with her, and also because she is the only person in the world that truly knows me, understands me and that I can be myself with. + +&#x200B; + +I feel like an alcoholic over 10 years who just suddenly stopped drinking from one day to the next - now the video games do nothing for me, I can't ""escape"" and I'm lost for purpose. My appetite is very unstable and my mind is racing, especially when I try to sleep, which has led to sleepless nights with my heart racing in panic and having constant disaster thoughts that I can't stop. I keep thinking ""Am I sick? Am I going insane? Do I have a brain tumor?"" and many more thoughts of that kind. I also get this weird feeling somethimes of being ""disconnected"" or ""dissociated"" to the world. I become hyper-aware of my existence and my actions and thoughts and it makes everything feel weird. In this state, I feel like im ""acting"" like myself, when I'm with others - like I'm something unexplainable controlling this physical body or seeing the world from a 3rd person view. Has anyone else experienced this or gone though something similar? + +&#x200B; + +I have started on antidepressant and anxiety medicine and started seeing a psycologist, but just wanted to share in hopes of getting some feedback or tools to combat these things.","Becoming ""hyper-aware"" of your existence and feeling dissociated",4 +693,"Quick intro: +3 years a go I had an incident in the shower that mimicked a stroke. I came out of it unharmed but it messed me up psychologically. Ever since then my body takes any feeling it gets and goes into panic mode. Now i hate driving, i hate taking a shower, i hate exercising. You name it, if i makes me hot, i get anxious. At onc point i was so anxious showering i had to sit down and hold on for dear life the entire time i was in there. + +Now i'm about 80% over it. and form my experience the only way over it - is to go through it. And what i mean by that is you need to face this demon head on. I know its the last thing you want to hear but trust me. If you never face it you will be running forever. + +However it will take time for your brain to rewrite its default path ways. So at the moment the default behavior is fear, and to curl up and say please dont hurt me. So your brain interprets it as a threat and will spiral out of control causing all sorts of symptoms the worst of which being a panic attack. + +Now next time you start getting the fear coming on try this instead. Say to your fear out loud ""Just kill me then"" ""Bring it on"" ""Lets see what you can do"" and taunt your fear and let what ever you think is going to happen happen. by wanting the what ever it is you are afraid of to happen will make the fear vanish. + +Another thing to think. If you were to say have a heart attack it would just happen... whether you worried or not. Worrying isnt going to some how miraculously save you. + +At my lowest - the turning point for me was when i just thought i'd rather be dead than to feel like this anymore. and from then on i basically laid down my life to my fear and said just kill me. Kill me now or shut the fuck up. I needed to hit rock bottom so I could rebuild my brain the right way. and for a few weeks i just kept saying ""Kill me now or shut up"" over and over until my brain started using the new default behavior. + +It can take months to retrain your brain and then add years on that to fully forget. but this is what is working for me. + +TLDR: Taunt your fear. egg it on. call it out. ask it to do its worst even if it kills you. Let it flow through you and out the other side I bet nothing bad happens + +TLDR 2: If you were going to die it would just happen... whether you worried or not. Worry isnt going to some how miraculously save you",How I am *almost* over my Health Anxiety,4 +694,I'm 23 years old and I suffer from cardiopobia. I ate more sugar today than I've eaten in over two months and my heart is racing super fast. I can't breathe and my hands are.tingling and burning so much it's freaking me the hell out. I know I'm young but it just freaks me out sometimes. I would greatly appreciate some reassurance 😮‍💨,I feel like I'm having a heart attack again,4 +695,"I’m a type 1 diabetic and in my teenage years it was a rough time where I fainted multiple times because of low blood sugar, some of them was so bad where I ended in a diabetes coma and other my family was pretty sure that I wouldn’t make it, I could get up in the morning and be completely dizzy not knowing what was going around, I would look at my watch and not understand what time it was, I got mri scanned and everything was fine. While being young and dumb, I didn’t really care and I thought I was immortal living life with 200 kmp even though my body was screaming after a break. + +A few years later in 21, I caught Covid-19 a pretty bad one and I have got asthma afterwards, while being sick with Covid-19 I realized that I wasn’t immortal at all, I realized how vulnerable our body really is, the thoughts started to getting into me from the times I fainted and my covid process. I have become afraid of everything and connects it with heart problems, cancer, brain tumor ect. My body can’t be doing anything before I’m convinced that I’m getting the worst news soon, I’m always prepared to say “I knew it”, it’s driving me insane, the last few months it have been brain tumor that is making me going dumb because of a tension headache even though it’s probably just work related (I’m a teacher) and because I sit and work in different positions that isn’t great for either my neck or back. + +I don’t recognize my self as said before, I have become distend from my friends, I never seen them or talk with them anymore, always finding excuses to not get out of the house, I stopped playing soccer, guess why? Because I’m thinking I will be getting a cardiac arrest if I do so. It have been hard the last 2 years, causing stress, depression and healthy anxiety, not diagnosed yet, only with stress. I know I need help, but how do I get it? I’m not used to getting help, I have solved my own problems ever since I was a kid. Do I just call the doctor and say “hey I think I have a depression and bad health anxiety” or what do I even say? This really sucks..",Health anxiety,4 +696,"Coming up on a month on 50 mg of zoloft, and just over a month since the start of this anxiety thing. I'd say I'm 80% better. Almost all of the physical symptoms have subsided and the mental aspect has greatly improved. I've had small spikes here and there and my heart races like once a day for a few minutes, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! For those in a similar situation keep your chin up and keep going, it gets better 😀",Some positivity,4 +697,"I’m going to have to live in an apartment when I start school, and I’m scared about noises, whether it is them being too loud or me being too loud. I’m scared that someone will accidentally shoot a gun and it will go through the wall and hit me while I’m sleeping or something. I’m scared the building will collapse on top of me. I’m scared that one apartment will start a fire and burn down the building while my pet is inside. I have a lot of fears over this and it is making me not want to go to school. I can’t afford to rent a house though unless I have roommates, which I don’t want. It’s been stressing me out a lot.",Anxiety over living in an apartment,4 +698,"I feel like my intrusive thoughts are winning right now, and I feel bad for every thought. I feel like a terrible person and I need to remove myself from everyone because I'm a terrible person and no one would want me around. My inner voice is very mean and I just don't know anymore. I'm just so tired of it all. + +Does anyone have their own tip/trick to dealing with their intrusive thoughts? + +Thank you in advance",Intrusive thoughts,4 +699,"Edit - First, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I (F 25) live in the UK and our health service is free (well we pay for it with taxes) and I’m nervous about this as it might be that there aren’t many therapists to choose from and for some reason most are female and I don’t want to insult their ability I just struggle to open up to females.",Is it rude to specifically ask for a male therapist?,4 +700,Very curious !,How many and what kind of medical tests you’ve got done due to your health anxiety?,4 +701,,How many and what kind of medical tests you’ve got done due to your health anxiety?,4 +702,"To cut it short, I had a horrible stomach bug a little more than three weeks ago and still haven’t fully recovered. The symptoms are giving me anxiety, and the anxiety is making my symptoms worse. + +I still have an exam that I need to retake, but when I think about it, my symptoms get worse again and I feel too sick to go back to school… + +It’s only stretching out my healing process more and I really don’t know how I can fix this.",I’m currently stuck in a very vicious cycle.,4 +703,"I started a new job about 6 months ago and I am soooo awkward at work. I don’t know how to make small talk, i get nervous just talking to coworkers. I have to think a lot to even build my sentence. And a lot of times, I just nervously ramble off topic or take things too literally. + +My brain is literally overthinking whenever I speak at work. How do I deal with this? Any advice on how to make small talk without being awkward?",I’m Awkward,4 +704,"My existential OCD is so severe right now. I spend hours online trying to find answers to unanswerable questions, I have to ‘check’ my and every other person’s actions, words, feelings to see if they are ‘good’ or just a way to cover up or distract from our misery ( hard to explain but makes sense in my head). Literally everything I used to enjoy I question and find flaws with and life feels like an unreal nightmare and I can’t stop questioning the nature of reality and it’s driving me insane. + +I’m on Zoloft and buspar but they don’t seem to be helping. I have Klonopin but i just saw an article that benzodiazepines cause cancer so now I have no relief. + +I’m seeing a somatic therapist for the first time on Friday and I hope she can help. + +I just want to wake up from this nightmare",Not doing well,4 +705,"I recently have been really struggling with anxiety and started taking Lexapro a week ago. So far I haven’t noticed a benefit from the drug but it’s my understanding it can take up to 6 weeks to work. + +Anyways when I was at the doctor 2 weeks ago my bp was elevated. Since then I’ve been measuring it daily and noticed it’s consistently high (140/90). Now ive got more anxiety worrying that I’ll get a heart attack or something. Just could use some reassuring words. Also is it normal for anxiety to spike your blood pressure? + +I’ve been trying to exercise and eat better the past week to help but not seeing a result yet.",Should i be worried about my high blood pressure?,4 +706,"I’ve struggled with anxiety for years, but the way it’s come back recently has me really worried for my well-being. + +I haven’t been able to eat properly in a couple weeks. I’ll feel hungry, but I’m so anxious that I feel like gagging whenever I try to eat. I’m struggling immensely to complete university assignments. I keep handing in things late and poorly done because I just feel like I can’t focus no matter what I do. I don’t know how to bounce back. It feels like my only reprieve is when I sleep or get high, so I’ve been doing a lot of that, but I know it’s just delaying my inevitable anxiety when it wears off. + +I’m really in need of help and I don’t know what to do","I’m honestly at a loss, I don’t know what to do anymore",4 +707," +So i have been suffering from awful derealization/depersonalisation, anxiety, ocd, and panic attacks for a couple of years now but it’s always come and gone. Ever since last year after going through a traumatic event it’s shifted my entire life to now only being able to focus on my anxiety. there are days that i get better and days where i have bad flair ups. I actively go to therapy and have recently started seeing a psychiatrist and nutritionist to see if i could figure out how to solve all these issues especially the derealization as it causes me to feel so out of it and almost high 24/7 as it has been prevalent for the last year especially now. I have been prescribed zoloft before but I had the absolute worst adverse reaction to it and has made me terrified to start any ssris. Recently my psychiatrist had prescribed me prozac but my therapist and nutritionist advise me against it as they do not think that my case is that severe. Where I am currently having an issue with is the fact that my biggest fear/ocd trigger is not feeling normal such as the fear of weed and I typically stay away from alcohol as I do not like how i feel when I drink. I am so scared to start meds or even vitamins that contain magnesium because I am so afraid of the “high” feeling or derealization feeling but now don’t know where to go from here. If anyone has advice on how to get over this substance ocd I would greatly appreciate it.",scared to start meds / scared of feeling off,4 +708,For context a few days agoa i researched a disease called als and 1 day later i started displaying symptoms after researching I need help,Whats goin on with me,4 +709,"Im also invited and the dude is the only one who was kind to her back then but she also said he is just a friend and she doesn’t see him as a date material but im still very anxious about it + +what can i do ? + +The meetup is in two weeks",Have Anxiety over a meetup between my fiancé (f) and her old friend from 3 years ago,4 +710,"Hi all, + +For the past 3 years I have had some strange symptoms that are persistent, I have a pressure in my forehead, constant dizziness (room not spinning). + +I had a brain MRI back in August 2021 without contrast which came back clear, but I do feel as though something may have been missed as I have the symptoms above. + +It is consuming my life, I think about it everyday, it's getting to the point where it's driving me to the point of wanting to unalive myself - I can't talk to my family about it as I spoke about my worries a couple of years ago and things got pretty bad.",Brain tumor thoughts consuming my life,4 +711,"Hello! I'm a gym newbie here, and I've been *really* struggling with going to the gym. +I have no excuses anymore. I've been telling myself that once I move closer to a gym, once I get a good daily routine in, once I get a job that starts later, so on and so forth... well the stars aligned and I got a gym membership! No more excuses. + +Except I've got some sort of gymphobia. I have always felt this way, even went a couple times as a teenager with my dad. I was freaked out then, too. + +I went once with my boyfriend right after I got the membership and I wanted to cry the ENTIRE TIME. I was SO self-conscious, to the point it affected my movements. I wasn't focusing on lifting, I was focusing on being quiet, who could see me, how light my weights were, etc. I stared at the clock, couldn't talk louder than a whisper, clung to his side... It was a massive relief to leave and I subconsciously let out a huge sigh the minute the door shut behind us. + +Tried going just to treadmill the other day, walked in and went straight to the bathroom because I was so ANXIOUS! There was only one treadmill being used but I was so worried he'd see me trying to figure it out. I got so shakey and almost started crying again so I left the bathroom and went straight home. + +I know for the sake of my mental health I need to overcome this, even if I find out the gym just isn't for me. This is absolutely my anxiety, particularly social anxiety and body dysphoria. What makes me anxious - + +- being near other people working out (?!?!) + +- seeing my reflection in the mirror + +- using light weights (THEY ARE ALL LIGHT so I am just constantly anxious lmao) + +- how long it takes me to set up/figure out a machine + +- maybe someone else needs what I have and they are annoyed with me + +- someone else using what I want and not know what to sub + +- anyone talking to me in any capacity lmao + +- my form (I'm new so logically I know it'll be incorrect but other people may judge me) + +I'm tempted to shell out money for a personal trainer and a therapist. I'm sick of my anxiety and my body as it is, but I wanted to hear yalls advice. + +Since this has been causing me so much anxiety forever, and it directly relates to my body dysphoria and anxiety, I feel like overcoming this is going to be a HUGE breakthrough for my mental health. I'd really appreciate your insight.Thank you!",How did you overcome severe gym anxiety?,4 +712,"Tonight I met with a friend that I haven’t seen in a long time. We had a great time, had a few beers and chatted loads. + +We then decided to have a cigarette. Yes I know it’s bad but it’s been a while since we had one and we were having a good time so went ahead with it. I accidentally dropped mine on the street and proceeded to pick it up and smoked it anyway. It’s probably a few seconds after dropping and the pavement is on a relatively quiet area but still in a public areas. + +I didn’t think much of it but after a few hours I’m sitting here worried. I am afraid that I might’ve caught something from smoking the cigarette dropped on the pavement. I’ve always been a bit germaphobe so this is making my thoughts worse. I can’t sleep … + +Anyone here ever tried smoking a cigarette dropped on the floor? + +Sorry for the rant…. Just can’t stopped worrying.",Health anxiety - germs worry,4 +713,"Even if I get a good night’s sleep, the second I think about what I have to face in the day and work etc I just feel instantly exhausted",Is anybody else tired all the time?,4 +714,"Hey all, + +Hope you're all doing alright today :) + +I've suffered from overthinking and general anxiety for a while. Being in my final year of university has been overwhelming to the point where I started seeking professional help. My doctor prescribed some beta blockers to me and asked me to take them when necessary - I've not thought of taking them until today. + +I think I hit my breaking point today. I have way too much to do and I haven't been able to manage things well. I felt some aches and tightness in my chest and throat, got cold hands and feet, and starting stress sweating (the smell was putrid). I could also feel my heart pounding in my chest. I decided to check my heart rate and I was surprised to find out that it was in the mid 50s. I didn't take my first dose of beta blockers and I'm waiting to speak to my doctor tomorrow. + + +Has anyone faces this before? Shouldn't stress and anxiety cause my heart rate to shoot up instead of dive?",Why does my heart rate fall when I'm having an episode?,4 +715,,Any tips to stop feeling too anxious to sleep?,4 +716,"Hello, I'm mason and As of lately since the start of grade 11. We where told we basically had to choose are pathway as in our job, or related field anyways as of late I wanted to follow in my uncles path and become a personal investor, and since he's already high up I'd have a job lined up for me as i get outta high school and more, the only catch. "" I knew i had anxiety but ever since i choose what I wanted to do math is now associated with anxiety"" to make it worse I was labeled a troubled kid when i was younger in life so as a result we moved a lot, and I never had a long friendship making me easy targets for people who love drama. So as i was growing I was taking speical classes since I had bad adhd aswell, so I wasn't getting the right credited for really anything in life and was basically labelled a special needs since they never put time into me. as a result i started trying better and Finally was able to upgrade to college level everything in grade 10 keep and keep in mind I was in high school in grade 8 due to this special program, and now they they teach me like any other kid. I've found it very hard to do anything since i grew up getting 1-1 attention, now since High school math is broken and 50% u will most likely never use in real life depending on the career you pick although the one i wanted to get into was ""money related"" I most diffidently don't need trig, etc anyways "" I really need help finding out how to coop with anxiety, this only happens during math aswell, So i know the trigger, and i know hen i clam myself down and I'm very happy before math i do better during math. but for some reason anytime my teacher ignores me for example today "" I rasied my hand to kep my practice quiz checked nobody else had their hand up"" so i wait she see's says one second and goes to 5 different people none of them had their hands out and forgot that i eveen asked so i promptly left teh class and went outside to get air or i was gonna start crying for the stress, angry anxiety and everything why are my emotions 10x whenever i'm in math is their even any way to fix this issue?""","I need some desperate help, and maybe some words of advice.",4 +717,"I’m (F25) not sure how to write this. I’ve never put down my memories to paper let alone tell anyone. A family member would do certain things between (from what little I can remember) the ages of 7-15. These things made me feel uncomfortable and I asked multiple times for it to stop to no avail. I want to protect their identity so calling them X. + +1. X never let me lock the bathroom door when I shower X walks right in and has conversations with me even though the shower doors are see-through. This still happens now at 25yo. I used to lock the door when I was younger but X would use a coin to open the door and would leave it wide open so I just stoped locking the door and forget to every time now. + +2. X have always sneaked up the stairs and burst into my room on purpose. Dispute multiple times asking X to knock. If I’m just out a shower and wearing a towel I’ll always ask X to leave but X scoffs as if I should be less embarrassed and I’m weak for being embarrassed about being naked. + +3. When I was younger if I would touch myself X would take enjoyment from bursting into my room and surprising me and made me feel dirty and mentally fucked up for doing so. X would also watch through a crack in the door (caught them sometimes) before bursting in. + +4. X would ask to see my breasts and say it was to compare mine to theirs and any time I said I didn’t want to I was made to feel silly for being embarrassed like it was no big deal. + +5. X used to ask me to shower with them. Well over the age I needed anyone to wash my hair. Still asking me at 15. X would again scoff if I said no and plead for me to join them as if I was not wanting quality time with them. + +6. X flashes me (still does) and leaves the door to the bathroom wide open when they shower and sometimes calls me over to chat with them on purpose as if they want to see my reaction to seeing them naked. + +7. X would insist on checking me ‘down there’ when I was younger and would put cream on me saying there was a rash but I never saw one. I remember getting older and being adamant that I could do it myself but X got furious with me. + +8. X gets into my bed without asking when I’m in bed or when I’m not and asks me to cuddle them in their bed and gets angry when I say no. + + +The next two are hard for me to type…I don’t feel ready but this platform has been really supportive so far so here goes. For content X definitely physically abused me and still emotionally abuses me and I think they are narcissistic. + + +9. Growing up and even sometimes now I go into a childlike mind and put on a higher pitched child like voice (this cringes me so much so please don’t say anything nasty about this). Once when I was around 16 I was hugging X in their bed and was in this childlike state. They played into it and said ‘aww my baby, do you want to suck milk’ and I for some disgusting reason that bothers me to this day I nodded and X got their breasts out and I ….I can’t type the rest but I don’t think I need to. + +10. Again difficult to put down to writing. This one I don’t know if it’s in my head. When I was younger X would ask me to sit on their lap. I would feel (or think I did) them pushing up their private part on my body. I would feel uncomfortable and would sit in a different position but it would keep happening and I learnt to ignore it. + +Sorry for the left hoy post but because this is not obvious or classic case of sexual abuse (I think) I’m just unsure if it was. I know this person would take it very badly if they knew I was thinking this and I feel like I’m betraying that persons honour or something. + +(Context : been depressed since 11/12 and after experiencing panic attacks for the first time at 25 I finally told a doctor and I’m on a waiting list to get help for pdsd (unsure if that’s what I have) and I don’t know if it’s worth mentioning this if it’s stupid or a lie or if I am even able to). I also struggle to enjoy sex unless it’s bdsm I’m not sure if that’s related but I just feel dirty if I am wanting it.",Was this sexual abuse?,4 +718,So i have bad health anxiety i always think something is wrong with me and once i figure out something about how im feeling a brand new symptom comes up and my latest one is i feel like my eyes have a slight yellow hue to them and its not like yellow like jaundice but they look really irritated and idk if its lack of sleep but i was wondering if anyone could say if just lack of sleep or irritated eyes can appear slightly yellow cuz now im scared im getting jaundiced and i have had my share of alcohol and i have no money to get checked,Should i get my eyes checked?,4 +719,"Hi, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow and I'm really scared. I know for definite I have a couple of cavities. + +Does anyone have any tips or tricks for keeping calm and also what to expect from getting cavities fixed? + +TIA",Health Anxiety,4 +720,"Hey y’all !! I’ve been experiencing really bad nausea/dizziness/shakiness due to anxiety , so basically physical symptoms. Has anyone experienced the same thing and what kind of meds do you take for the physical side effects if anxiety??",Physical side effects of anxiety,4 +721,"so just gonna start off i dont have any kind of diagnosis, but i feel like recently, for a few month i just feel my hearts very fast, faster than normal and before i sleep i feel like my whole body is shaking bcs my heart is beating so fast, and it also happens when im stressed or im in school or it just happens. also that sometimes i just feel unreal, kinda feels like im floating? i wonder if this is like anxiety symptoms, maybe i should get this checked out?",fast heartbeat & unreal feelings related to anxiety?,4 +722,"So my MD tells me that I should cut out sugar and that the body can run without it. + +I suffer from extreme anxiety 24/7 and when i try cutting out sugar I get weak and my stomach is turning inside out, my body aches from craving sugar. + +I tried cutting out 3 times. The longest was 23 days. I just continuously got worse. At the end I was just lying in bed in horrid pain. + +It feels like my body needs that extra sugar in order to cope with the draining anxiety. + +Also my blood sugar levels stay stable with or without sugar.",Why am I not able to cut out sugar?!,4 +723,"I feel like it’s like those cartoons where you plug one hole in a leaky boat and another leak forms and so on. + +Some months it’s tingling. Sometime aching, then cramping, then stomach stuff, cold, then sweaty. Just when I get one to stop another pops up. Or a different combination. + +And these things rarely happen while I’m busy or my mind is calm, happy, and occupied. + +Anyone have these shifting symptoms?",Anyone else have physical symptoms that constantly change over time?,4 +724,"wondering about people experiences going up to higher doses of buspar (im on an ssri too)...ive been at 15-20mg/day for years- but still not 100% sure it really helps that much when my anxiety is bad. and its really bad lately- want to avoid benzos, but seriously need some extra relief. + +so im wondering is going up to 30-60mg that much different than lower doses or maybe i should look into something else. + +ps-my psych takes things very slowly and only does small increases, so finding this out first hand may take a while...",buspar higher dose,4 +725,"Hi guys I was sitting in Caffee Bar (drinkin juice) and my heart started beating too fast. + +Can this be because of anxiety? + +Also sometimes when I wake up I feel that way too.",Fast heart rate out of nowhere?,4 +726,"So I made an appointment after months of avoiding it/being to anxious to call. + +I’ve read here that Ssri‘s are on of the go to types of meds to be prescribed for anxiety and panic attacks. + +I really don’t want to take any ssri, I tried one for my depression, had the worst side effects and It also really badly affected my tinnitus and also sweating +Then I found out this group of meds in general is bad for people with tinnitus that’s why I wouldn’t want to take them again (I know there are many different ones) + +If I tell those three concerns is it possible that they’ll prescribe something else ? I really can’t deal with more sweating, tinnitus",First psychiatrists appointment. Meds?!,4 +727,So I'm currently on wellbutrin. It doesn't seem to be working anymore in controlling my anxiety. Before that I was on Lexapro. Does anyone know what would be considered the top tier medication in dispersing anxiety?,Whats the best anxiety medication in your opinion?,4 +728,Going through a bit right now and idk what to do. It’s making me feel angry and anxious. Really need someone to chat with,Anyone I can vent to in dms?,4 +729,"I got prescribed buspar last week because I had crippling anxiety. Cant get a job, can’t call places, and can’t drive at night. I’m on 7.5 mg rn and take it twice a day. I noticed my legs aren’t consistently shaking and my hands aren’t as fidgety. And i don’t have as bad as overwhelming worries. I think I want to go up in my dosage tho. How has buspar been working for you?",How has buspar working for you?,4 +730,"Hi! Is someone here using CBD oil to help with anxiety? +I’m using but I don’t see any results 🥺",CBD oil,4 +731,"Everyday i am always fearful that i could die at any moment. For example, last night when i was in bed my heart was beating different it was like it was beating faster than normal, so i thought something was wrong with me and i thought i was gonna die, i kept stressing out about it the whole night and i couldnt sleep. another example, when i hear a loud noise outside my house now i think its a shooter or something and i think im gonna die again or something. help me","I have constant anxiety of dying, is there anything i can do to stop it?",4 +732,"I’ve had an anxiety disorder most of my life and I had a particularly stressful day the night before. As of writing this I just had the most vividly intense nightmare of my life that it still doesn’t feel like I’ve awoken into reality at the moment. In short, I had a dream where I was being possessed by a demon but I could feel all the pain and physical anxiety it was creating. I woke up multiple times. One of the times my mouth was wide open, my throat completely dry, and my neck as stiff as a rock. During the dream I felt my heart racing and beating so hard my chest still hurts, and I woke up completely covered in sweat and my body aching real bad. Is this a normal experience for a panic attack at night? Would anyone be able to provide some advice for why this could’ve happened and how I can prevent it in the future?",Just had one of the worst anxiety attacks of my life during my sleep that I still can’t comprehend what just happened.,4 +733,The girl that I fell for 10 years ago also suffers from anxiety. I haven't got the guts to let her know how I feel about her. My anxiety recently developed into agoraphobia. I've been improving but I still can't travel far. That kind of demoralized me. My question is: Can a relationship still work if both suffer from anxiety?,The girl I like also suffers from anxiety.,4 +734,this may be a very stupid question but can any ladies feel confusion on whether they’re experiencing chest pain or boob pain? my boobs aren’t too big nor too small but this tension i feel is more towards the top of my chest yet its also apart of my boobs…can anybody help me differentiate or share similar experiences?,boobs or chest pain?,4 +735," + +I have been blessed with the ability to freak myself right the F\*$& out whenever i think about a host of different topics... anxiety. Now most of these topics ive been able to find categories for, and address in that way, by learning about those things, bettering my understanding of them, and really evaluating exactly what it is that im afraid of. For example, i am a hypochondriac, i have lived with health anxiety for as long as i can remember, but its very easy to find out what health anxiety is, you can easily find other peoples experiences, common coping mechanisms, potential causes for this anxiety, etc. This is the case with almost anything i find myself consistently anxious about. + +Now, + +One of the darkest corners in my mind that i try to stay out of as much as possible, is one that i cant get a lot of information on, and because of this, i don't know how to move forward in addressing this. + +This anxiety / fear is triggered by thoughts of existence, reality, the thought of consciousness... trying to wrap my mind around what it is that I'm experiencing just by being alive in the first place. A good example thought of this would be this: + +Whether you are reading this on a computer or phone or tablet... stop and take a second to think about what is between your eyes reading this, and the screen Infront of you, now i don't mean the air, pollen, dust, particles etc. that occupies that space, but the f#$%ing space itself. How? why is that there? what is that occupying? how did it get there? + +I experience symptoms of derealization / depersonalization disorder that I've observed are closely related to my thoughts like this, Hell I believed when I was 17 until 20 I was falling into psychosis due to my relentless obsessing over the unanswerable. Its not even one specific mind-F#$\* that does this to me, it's the combination of all of them that represent what we call ""reality"" or ""existence"" that i cant tune out, and the more i try to research these things in my life, the more questions that are left unanswered. i can barely hold conversations with people because of how often i just go blank, returning to being consumed with mulling these things over, IN THE MIDDLE OF CONVERSATIONS. + +I feel like most people are able to just curb these thoughts as ""unimportant"" or just set them aside because there's no way to answer things like that at the moment. Boy do i wish i could do just that. Thoughts like this are 25/8 on my mind, I mean I DREAM about inexplicable things that could never be answered, and i wake up, open my eyes and wonder what is this plane of existence that I'm experiencing? how do i retain my persona, my memories, my trains of thought, all of my experiences after so many years? How do i face any interaction, any experience, any leaf that lands Infront of me on a walk without my mind jumping to the probability of these things happening? And then wondering how I'm even able to question that in the first place? + +This has not been a mid-life crisis, rather it has been a whole-life drain. I have never been afraid of the 18 wheeler next to me on the freeway, yet i have always been afraid of the inevitable heat death of the universe. Why am I like this?",Can't think of a suitable name for this post,4 +736,"Hi guys, + +I've experienced anxiety for a long time now (26F), I'd say at least 8 years. Symptoms have always been tight chest, heart going a million miles an hour, the occasional panic attack. + +I've always managed it quite well, have a decent job and can interact with people fairly well. + +I've never let it stop me doing anything as then I'd feel like it has beat me. + +As of 3 weeks ago (it was literally one day fine and the next.. NOT FINE!), I got on the train to go to work and felt like I was going to throw up. My mouth was watering and heart felt like it was in my throat. At first I thought it was food poisoning and something was physically amiss. + +Even though I haven't thrown up and logic would indicate I'm not going to, it feels like I genuinely am on the verge everytime I am in a moving vehicle. + +I thought it would pass, but it's now just part of my everyday life and I'm finding it debilitating. I'm scared I'll lose my job because of it, which is feeding into the anxiety even more. The only way I can get through a train journey (or any moving vehicle for that matter) is by closing my eyes and putting on Bob Marley through my headphones. It's quite comedic but it genuinely is the only way I can slightly manage it. + +I've never enjoyed the commute and have done it for ages, but now it's became a THING. + +I have to have a plastic bag with me at all times as the urge to throw up is so real. + +Has anyone else experienced a sudden and drastic change in anxiety symptoms, how do you manage them? I'm scared I'll be this way forever.",Quick change in anxiety symptoms?!,4 +737,"Okay so there's a lot for me to go through here, and I have to apologise as it is hard for me to explain things as it's hard for me to even understand what's going on in my brain! + +I've been with my partner now coming up to 2 years in May, wonderful healthy relationship where there are no issues whatsoever, I'll preface this by saying I have struggled with mental health on and off throughout my life, mainly being anxiety so I have been on Fluoxetine (anti depressants) for the last 2 years, this has been great for me and has helped me to regulate my emotions and feelings quite well and to what I believe has helped my relationship with my partner to flourish and I have felt genuinely happy. + +Anyway, cutting to now... Since the very (very) start of the year, just after new years... (obviously) I noticed a lot of anxiety... although it may of been creeping in a few weeks before, It was as though now I felt it full blast, and my inner voice kept telling me that my boyfriend was interested in someone else, and I was then getting strong feelings of them cheating although there was no indication of this, I think on new years eve I had noticed my boyfriend getting on well with his mates and watching one of his friends who is a girl sing (he's a musician and i know the following sounds daft, believe me) so the next day I kept getting intrusive thoughts of that moment and feeling very sensitive around it, as I'm quite insecure and never sing and I know my boyfriend would love it if I came out my shell more in that way (although he's always telling me how perfect I am) It kept going through my mind that he should be with someone like that... + +fast forward a few days, I'm still feeling VERY on edge and feel incredibly anxious when my boyfriend isn't really showing me that much affection, or is in his room for long periods of time... I get very panicky and can't seem to calm myself until I go upstairs to see what he's up to, if he's just sat there on his phone with his door shut I assume that he's not wanting to be with me (even though I think having our own space is healthy and have never had an issue with it before) after seeing him just sat there I'll get incredibly upset and more anxious and feel very emotional, may even start crying and it's difficult to stop, I suddenly view my boyfriend very differently? + +I'll also mention now that I was never like this at any other point of our relationship, I just started feeling this intense anxiety since new years, also I'll mention that I'm a very sensitive person and feel as though I pick up on other peoples emotions very easily and that I do that a lot with my boyfriend if he is feeling down about himself etc, I also feel these emotions. + +As the days went on I stopped getting these anxious feelings when he wasn't always around, but still felt bad anxiety and feeling depression creeping in, as the days progressed I noticed myself becoming more sensitive to things and even hyperaware? (think that's the word) which would cause more anxiety for me, my boyfriend may say something and I would take it in a negative way and feel offended by it and it would cause a lot of hurt and then anxiety is even worse... I would have a lot of moments of just emotional outbursts of crying and finding it difficult to stop just feeling very overwhelmed and so uncomfortable in how i'm feeling, even gagging from what felt like stress and not being able to eat (I'm feeling this pretty much everyday) + +the past month and a bit I've been having internal thoughts such as ""I don't love you"" and other horrible things directed at my boyfriend which cause me so much anxiety and even more stress as I try to convince myself they are just thoughts and not real, having suddenly no feelings towards him? getting irritated at little things but still feeling intensely sad over the thought of him with someone else, this person is perfect in my eyes and I love all the things about them that are considered imperfections, where have my feelings gone? It's been over a month and I'm scared they won't return because I know this relationship when I'm not feeling this way, is so good for me and has been the best thing for my life. + +I'll quickly mention that I'm 23 now and had a relationship when I was 14 that brought a lot of the very same feelings up but this happened very early on in the relationship (a month or so) with much breaking up and getting back together due to my anxiety and depression. + +I'm sorry for the essay but it's really hard to fit everything in, but this is just the summary of it... + +Please can I get real responses with this, I really want to make this relationship work and stop this anxiety and emotional stress and be able to feel these feelings again for my partner... I'd hate to think that it's over now.",Constant anxiety and have lost feelings for partner?,4 +738,"I have a low self-esteem, I dont have confidence and I stutter a lot. + +I cant recite during class, because I got a hard time explaining what i want to say, + +I feel worthless and devastated to the point I lost interest in my life + +I feel pathetic and I know im not worth it + +Im not smart since I always get a low grade but still manage to pass + +I feel so small despite the fact that I struggle a lot + +I have a social anxiety and depression + +But you know I try to change myself, I try to be a person who I want to be, yet I cant change myself because no one got my back, no one believe in me and support me, its hard to fight alone in this lonely and painfull battle within myself + +Then now I realize that I live my life pleasing the other people, I feel sorry for myself and life, I realize the people will never acknowledge or believe in me because in the first place they see me as a trash and stupid.... + + +I WANT TO SHOW TO THE PEOPLE WHO LAUGH AT ME, WHO NEVER BELIEVE IN ME AND TO THE PEOPLE WHO NEVER SUPPORT ME THAT I CAN ACHIEVE SOMETHING IN MY LIFE.....",My class always laugh at me whenever I try to recite because I stutter and my answer where nonsense,4 +739,"I have been feeling super anxious and insecure recently about the fact that my partner acknowledges that he has celebrity crushes or finds other women in our life good looking. I don't mean he's asking these people out or he's making moves, I just mean on a surface level. My partner mentions, often enough, that he thinks a girl is good looking or that he finds this celebrity attractive. It really makes me anxious and insecure so I have a hard time hearing this. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but it's really upsetting me and making me feel so worried all the time that he is going to leave me. Is it normal for guys to do this? Is it normal for people to feel attraction to other people while they're in relationships? I certainly think other men are attractive, I won't lie. But I definitely do not think about making a move on them or even flirting. I know the same is true for my partner, I'm just having a hard time coping",How do I accept the fact that my partner finds other women attractive?,4 +740,"I had one before and it absolutely changed my life. I developed health anxiety and so much more. I just want to know if this happened to anyone else? and if it did, what happened that day and after?",Did you ever have that one panic attack that changed your life?,4 +741,"Hey guys, + +the last days after i got officially diagnosed with anxiety disorder i went without any symptoms (i guess finaly having a name for my problems calmed me down). + +But two hours ago when i came back from a walk my left back side under the rib started to hurt :/ + +It not a stinging pain or something that i can't manage, but it feels a little bit like back pain and is slightly pulsating i think?? + +It also radiates a little bit to the right side and i am feeling a bit dizzy/out of myself right now :( + +I went to pee and it came out like normal without any pain, so It shouldn't be my kidneys right? + +This dizziness scares me so much though :( + +Has anyone ever experienced something like this? + +Or maybe i should really call an ambulance? + +I don't know what to do i am so worried",Kidney like symptoms?,4 +742,Why do I feel like the outsider when my families all together. I always assume I’m not included in anything actively happening even though I’m being invited to things and events. I exclude myself from them for this reason. Any help or insight would be great.,Anxiety around family.,4 +743,"40 male starting to go crazy with this +Does anyone else have this ?? +All my doctors tell me they got no idea +Please help",24/7 lightheaded and pressure in head,4 +744,"I’ve been struggling for a almost a week now every morning I wake up around 5:30am (way earlier than my intended wake up time) with my heart pounding out of my chest, chest tightness and sometimes pain, and my anxiety is through the roof. Just posting this in here in case anyone has similar experiences or has had things that help them. I have little to no trouble falling asleep at night but mornings have been absolutely awful lately because of this. I’ve been to the ER twice for anxiety/panic and had EKG and bloodwork tests all come back normal.",Heart Racing every morning,4 +745,"I was backing my vehicle into a parking spot as I usually do and I felt panic out of the blue. I felt as if my vehicle wasn't stopping so I slammed the brakes fearing I was about to hit the vehicle behind me. I had a weird feeling rush through my body and then realized I had already come to a complete stop, my vehicle wasn't moving and I was parked normally at a fair distance from the vehicle behind me. The moment felt like a long time but I believe it was only for a second. + +I consider myself to be a good driver with a clean driving record. I have never been in an accident or have I ever been worried about one. As for the anxiety, I've only ever experienced this while lecturing a large crowd. I have never considered myself as someone who has anxiety.",Did I have an anxiety attack?,4 +746,"Many people believe that since I overcame my chronic anxiety, I am levitating through the halls with a halo of light aimed at the crown of my head, with 8 angels flying behind me singing choruses while I remain in a state of spiritual perfection at every moment.",Meme,4 +747,Have u guys had this weird shooting pains in legs like I get twitching like maybe 2 twitches a day not a lot it’s mostly this pins and random pains in legs that none stop ? I get them in arms also and in my neck but mostly like my legs would go a lil weak sometimes when I stress about them and my left hand too but I can use them normally I’m even a boxer so I do my sport normally but they feel weak but they aren’t ??? Idk how to explain it guys but they go away when I distract myself,Anxiety symptoms,4 +748,"So yeah, I've finally been diagnosed with anxiety as an actual disorder (generalized anxiety disorder), after many years of thinking it was temporary. + +I don't feel bad at all, I feel good to finally have my issue recognized on a medical level so I can receive the adequate treatment. + +What are some do's and don'ts when living alongside anxiety? Any natural medicine available? (Been proposed medication, rejected) + +Very happy to be able to find a community on reddit which can help!","Starting my journey with clinic anxiety disorder, any tips?",4 +749,"For about 2 months now I have felt muscle weakness in my arms and legs (more on the left side) and experiencing more fatigue than normal too. This has fueled my anxiety into thinking I have something like als. I’ve always had some anxiety but never to the point of physical symptoms like this. Does anyone else feel this with anxiety? I’ve had multiple Dr. Exams, a Neuro exam/ emg, CT, and blood work which all came back normal. Someone please give me the reassurance to keep fighting this daily mental struggle.",Constant Weakness/Fatigue,4 +750,"I'm having an OCD attack, basically I came back from the psychologist and yeah I almost had a Panic attack while coming home and now my mind is just really disordered, I'm having a lot of feelings about life being something unreal and crazy, like everything is crazy and not normal and I feel scared about not understanding the reality etc etc...","Existential OCD hitting hard right now, any advice?",4 +751,"I have no words to describe what i feel right now. I'm so exhausted of this but i can't leave him, i feel like i'll be worse without him. I have an interview tomorrow and i don't know how i will be able to do great with this on my mind. I feel like the dumbest bitch ever. This kills me. I have no one to talk to. I hate this shit",Just found out i got cheated on again. 20F,4 +752,"i feel so bad. i feel garbage. my conscience is eating me up. i never thought ill be the reason of her feeling drained. + +my ex broke up w me almost 3 weeks ago. i blamed her for feeling insecure. i didnt know that what i was doing was trying to restrict her from opening up to other people. i asked her if we could keep our problems to ourselves because people might think differently of us. i told her that because she opened up to our friend and that friend told the story to our other friends, and so they were laughing about it. i didnt like it so i opened up to her regarding that. she said she opened up to our friend because it was too heavy on her. she cant handle it. i wasnt there to comfort her that time when were having an argument coz i told her i dont wanna talk and i just wanna cool my head first. i was so self centered. i realized how selfish i am. like instead of understanding why she opened up to our friend instead just let my insecurities take over me. + +im trying to be better. im reflecting from my actions. i tried talking to her but she doesnt want to talk to me anymore. its all gone.",i never thought ill be toxic to her,4 +753,"hi everyone. yesterday i took my first pill of my anxiety meds and i‘ve had the worst side affects. it would be time to take the next dose soon but i’m cotemplaited doing it. i‘ve had trouble sleeping, i could barely eat anything because i’ve been so nauseous and all that i ate i threw up. i’m just feeling very tired, beaten down and sidetracked. like the days before i felt pretty okay on a daily basis with my anxiety but i still have anxiety when it comes to things. now i’ve been just crying because i don’t know if i want to take the next dose and like i worry about eating because i really dint want to lose weight. and also if i can make it to work tomorrow. also i was used to go to the cinema with friends tomorrow but everything is just stressing me out (the meds i’ve been on is citalopram)",advice needed,4 +754,"Im 19f im a university student and since last may i have constant headaches ...all tests came clear mri, blood tests, ct scans ...etc anything possible im healthy . At this point no one believes me. I experience constant tension headache, sometimes if im lucky it goes away for a week but it comes just as easily after minor stress occurence or bad sleep night. Also facial tension and pain i feel like i have brick on my face 24/7 and heavy eyes. Eye test came all back very good ...i am diagnosed with anxiety and take SSRI'S to manage but u never even considered that anxiety or any stress could cause this. Could it be true ? Its been to long i tried lot of things ...but it never dissapears. I am anxious person but even when im calm it still seems to be there. It does not take a lot to provoke it . Can anyone honestly give me advice or just ...tell me your experience ? Do you think anxiety could be causing this ?",constamt tension headaches and face pain,4 +755,"I have been struggling with worse anxiety for the past year and recently, my anxiety does NOT let me believe that my boyfriend loves me. He gives me reassurance everytime I ask, but for some reason it is never enough. For instance, when he says why he does, my thoughts will find complaints with his reasons why. + +I haven't talked to him about this because this is technically not a his issue and I hate burdening others with my anxiety. He has reassured me everyday and I don't want to ask for more. I feel like this is something I need to figure out on my own. + +I've had bad experiences with boys in general, so I often time believe that they will say whatever is convenient to them. so I cannot shake this feeling and I do not know what to do. + +Ive been talking to a therapist but she has not been giving me effective solutions. She listens and validates, but I need calming techniques... + +How do I shake this feeling? what should i do?",I (F24) don't believe my boyfriend (M24) loves me and it's a me problem,4 +756,"20M i've been busy with life in a good way for the past 2 months going to the gym 5 times a week and eating healthy starting to like myself again. However, out of nowhere it's back, the feeling that I'm not doing things i should be doing, feeling like the future isn't as bright as i hoped. And I don't know what to do. +I've never spoken to anyone about my anxiety except my friend who is studying in a different country now. I don't know who i can speak to because in my head my problems seem like they're not big enough for me to talk about but yet they have a weird weight on my chest that makes it harder to breath",It's been a while but it's back,4 +757,I am eating some good I haven't eaten for hours. I had a headache ive gotten like 2 hours sleep the past couple of nights. I walked out in the cold for a minute and turned the lights on. I had a bad dream that made me feel like I was going crazy.,How do you manage anxiety when sleep deprived?,4 +758,"I’m trying to figure out and address an issue I’ve had my entire life (or at least as long as I can remember). As I try to seek out treatment and help, I’m not sure if anyone here can relate. + +I will obsess and fixate on completely mundane things. For example: If I overhear someone taking about a movie but I don’t know what the movie is, I may fixate on “Who did they say the lead was? An Australian named Ben. What was the movie? What was the movie???” and my heart will start racing and my breathing will get shallow and I’ll need to get up and walk around. +Another example might be for me to see a photo of myself reading and I’ll obsess, wanting to figure out what the title of the book is that I’m reading. +I might also obsess wondering what a logo on a shirt is, who was that guy that I helped with a flat tire that seemed so familiar, etc. +You know how sometimes people will hear a song and not know what it is and they’ll say, “What IS that song? It’s going to drive me nuts?” For me it feels like that “going to drive me nuts” thing is for real. +These “attacks” might also occur in certain circumstances of guilt or self-loathing. +Does this sound at all relatable? Does it have a name?",Anxiety?,4 +759,"Miradry Experience + +Good morning all! I am looking to get the miradry procedure for armpits done here soon. I am sick of constantly sweating and can’t keep enduring this. Was hoping to hear peoples experiences on it that went through with it. Positive/negative experiences, tips and anything else are extremely appreciated! +Bless you all!",Miradry Experience,4 +760,"Does anyone experience vision/auditory issues? Recently this is what’s been bothering me the most. The only way I can explain it is..imagine you’re indoors for a long period of time and then come outside..it’s almost like I’m sensitive to light and everything and I mean everything feels so loud. Ugh. I hate it. This past weekend I went to have lunch with a friend and the restaurant we ate at was so packed. I felt like I couldn’t concentrate and my vision became shaky, like i couldn’t focus my eyes on one thing which eventually made me feel dizzy. Anyway, I appreciate any tips if you have any. Thanks!",Any tips for dealing with these symptoms?,4 +761,"One of my exposure tasks is to walk my dogs outside. I had been incrementally increasing the distance i walked them up until today. + +I felt confident about todays walk before i left the house. Then, less than half way around i start becoming aware of how out in the open i am and turn around after stopping a couple of times, and ultimately went home not finishing my walk. + +Im really disappointed in myself and wonder how you all handle situations like this. Its completely knocked my confidence. + +Thanks guys",Exposure Fail,4 +762,"So to start off, I don’t have many friends and I don’t participate in many discords, so I admit I’m a little out of practice here. But recently my three cousins decided we should all be part of a group chat and rekindle the bond we had as kids. I was all for it, they’re family and I love em, but just existing in this group chat is giving me some major anxieties. It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with any of them. All they talk about is work, their s/o’s and gossip. They said we would be sending each other memes but every meme they’ve sent so far have been the most unfunny monotonous tiktok reaction videos I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know how to respond to them so so far I just haven’t. Now after about 3 days the group chat is silent and I feel like they’ve silently moved on. I just know it’s going back to the usual where I only ever talk to them at family gatherings, which is another awkward thing I’m going to stress about. I really am at a loss of how to handle myself, and I fear that if I eventually get into a group chat of other friend groups it’ll go the same way. I’ve tried joining discords before of varying sizes in the past, but nowadays everyone types so fast and gets their thoughts out in seconds. I feel like by the time my brain is even able to process what was said and think of a response, they’ve already changed topics. Has anyone else here had to deal with this kind of thing before?",I don’t know how to behave in group chats and it’s destroying me mentally.,4 +763,"Hi I'm 33 and have little money, no job, a ton of comics and love anime, manga, SIkTC and Deadpool. I have a very bad anxiety disorder but I decided to buy a ticket for myself for Friday. I want to submit some books to be graded (so I might have money someday 🤞. Large crowds, no visible exits, loud noises and cramped spaces are very hard for me and I thought maybe someone here would be going too and could meet up. Before you say ""all the things you mentioned are what happens at c2e2."" I know, but I want to fight my anxiety and challenge myself, I'd just like there to be someone who could be around. I'm rambling now so I'll shut up. Thank you!",C2E2 Frengs? Going friday and need help,4 +764,"One of my mates has invited me to his wedding and I'm not sure if I want to go. + +I really appreciate the invite and we were really good mates years ago but since 2018 I've not seen him too much since he moved away. + +The wedding is a good 7 hour drive away and I don't think I'll know many people at all. Just maybe two or three other mates I've met before, but no one else. I don't have a plus one or anyone to go with. + +I'm feeling a bit anxious about it and don't want to be a bad friend or let him down by saying no, but I have a feeling that if I go, I'll feel really awkward. Will be a lot of his and her family and I'll just be there not knowing anyone really at all. + +Also it's gonna be quite an expense in accommodation and travel expenses. I'm just torn what to do!",Not sure if I want to go to a friend's wedding,4 +765,"Hi Reddit. I am a young adult female in her first year of university, and I just wanted some reassurance or advice. +I’ve grown up around anxious people- having parents and step parents on anti depressants and with ptsd, so I know how the gist of mental health issues in this caliber (somewhat haha!). I myself have also struggled with mild anxiety or depression in the past, as well as a brief but somewhat severe ED many years ago, but nothing ever officially diagnosed or bad enough to get diagnosed or treated for a part from some counselling. However in the past few months my anxiety have been ramped up to the max, with the feeling of my heart pushing against my chest for the silliest little fears- giving me insomnia or making me feel sick etc. It’s doing as much as I write this. +One thing to note, I have a heart murmur, and occasionally I can notice it, but normally it’s very faint, if really there at all, so I’m assuming it’s got nothing to do with anything? +I have been feeling kind of lonely lately. For some more recent context, whilst I play online with my old friends and see them and my bf often, I don’t have any really close friends at uni, and have had some fall outs with a Flatmate I share a bathroom with, making me often anxious in my own home. I absolutely love living away from home apart from this as I came from spilt custody between parents. +I would just like some advice or anyone with past experience to reassure or educate/help me if any way? Thank you so much :)",I’ve recently been having problems with heart palpitations and increased anxious feelings,4 +766,"I’m going to see Taylor Swift next month. I’m classically anxious in crowds and hate feeling trapped. I don’t do malls or places like IKEA. I can barely handle Walmart. I’m also just easily overstimulated. + +Any tips on how to cope with this all? +I plan to wear ear plugs and will probably have a couple drinks. + +I’m really nervous though and I’m looking for suggestions on what I can pack as a sort of emergency kit for my anxiety or ANYTHING else to cope. + +I want to have a good time and not be in a constant state of fear the whole time. Thanks!",Taylor Swift Concert- Anxious and easily overstimulated,4 +767,"I don’t even know why. I can’t sleep, I can’t relax, I can’t focus on anything but my heart. It’s all I feel right now. Every time I try to calm myself down, it feels like it gets worse. Guess I’m not getting any sleep tonight.",I just wanna sleep but my heart is beating through my chest,4 +768,"So I’ve been trying to answer my dms to try to help my anxiety. It’s just something I started doing because it pushes me out of my comfort zone a bit. I don’t get dms often so I don’t worry too much. + +Anyways got a dm about an hour ago from a dude, real creep, knew from the first message, but that fucked up part of my brain wanted to see where it went for some reason. Anyways, we talked for a bit (i know im an idiot) until he went to the creep zone. I ended up calling him out by saying “you’re weird af. now I know why you have a burner” and just leaving the chat and blocking him but now I’m a bit nervous I did too much. I feel like an idiot because I know that sort of stuff gives me anxiety but I did it anyway. Morbid curiosity got the best of me and now I’m paying the price with anxiety :(. Any advice to calm down. + +I deleted all my recent post on r/teenagers so I should be good but damn, I’m stupid.","Note to self, don’t use r/teenagers or you get creepy dms.",4 +769,"Hey! I have an irrational fear that I have epilepsy, and I haven't met that many people with health anxiety who share this specific fear. I know all anxiety is the same at the end of the day, but it'd be comforting to hear about how other people who got over this specific fear.",Recovery from fear of seizures?,4 +770,"I’ve been waking up daily for the past month multiple times with elevated heart rate. It only lasts a min or two and my heart rate goes back to normal. Is that anxiety? When it started, I was in the middle of a very stressful situation. But that has passed and I am still experiencing racing heart. How do I know whether it is anxiety or underlying health problems.",I’ve been waking up multiple times at night with elevated heart rate. Is that anxiety?,4 +771,"Any tips for dealing with someone who appears to be borderline and have emotional terrorist tendencies? +I have anxiety and I’m not able to manage properly these days and every interaction I have with that person takes a toll on me. The thing is that person also need help and I have no idea how to respond to all the drama.",Needing help please,4 +772,,"my gf went to hospital last night because of shortness of breath , chest pain and a heart rate of 300. she’s not messaged me since and i’m kinda stressing out alot",4 +773,"So i walked to the grocery store near my house, and i saw a poor cat with her right eyes almost gotten out in front of someone house. and I cried cause I can’t bring her home cause i already had a lot of cats. So i went back to my house to bring her a food and water instead. but she only drink the water she doesn’t want to eat:( i’m also scared and questioning myself is she a real cat or demons? cause she has no tail(in my country cats that doesn’t have tail are demons). but she has a shadow tho. and when i’m about to leave that cat, she kept looking at me and when i’m on my way home there is a quite big shadow of bird flew around like making a circle( I walked under the tree btw). i feel so bad for feeling like this and i feel so bad for not taking that little cat. I feel like completely a bad person now",I had Anxiety attack over the cat i’ve met today,4 +774,"My coworker constantly looks at me. I’ll be standing in the room getting ready and he will walk in and immediately look at me. He constantly glances and stares at me. One time he was looking at me and I rolled my eyes and looked away from him. I looked back at him and he walked out of the room with a hurt, upset look on his face.",Why does he stare at me so much?,4 +775,Do you take medication or supplements to get rid of these symptoms?,"what are you doing to fight trembling, shaking, tremors, vibrating, jittery symptoms?",4 +776,,"Why was I good at public speaking when I was a kid, but as an adult it terrifies me?",4 +777,"I have this real weird thing that happens to me. + +So besides my work life, I have potential academic plans. I love studying, reading, writing. I have so many ambitions with all these things I want to write. I might even publish them. I spend a lot of time-effort on these studies I do on my personal life. + +The weird thing is, whenever I go into focused studying, the idea that I will die anyways comes to my mind. I start to feel like this effort is for nothing, that I will die eventually, maybe even soon. I read about these scholars of the past, and see that some of them died so young. What will all this information help me with if I am going to die anyways? Will I have enough time to categorize-interpret-publish so much knowledge? + +Anyways, lots of anxious thoughts suddenly rush to my mind about mortality. I had this back in uni as well. I remember when I studied a lot during my masters, I would always start thinking about my mortality and whether all the work I do is even worth it.... + +Is there a scientific explanation to this? Why would studying in a focused manner put me in such an existential crisis each time? + +&#x200B; + +note: I use escitalopram for GAD/Panic",Does Studying Trigger Extreme Anxiety?,4 +778,"I canceled plans yesterday because I had terrible anxiety and felt overwhelmed. My best friend drove out of her way to bring me leftovers from the get together because she knew I wasn’t having a good day. + +Is that friendship or what",I have the best friends.,4 +779,"I’m not sure if maybe my therapist is telling me what I do not want to hear but I feel like I’m getting little frustrated with him. He starts to bring up his personal life as an example sometimes and it wastes time. Also, when I’m explaining something he doesn’t realize the important part I’m trying to discuss and then we end up spending a whole session talking about something that was not even that important for me. Maybe he’s just realizing what’s better to talk about? Idk does anyone have experience with this?",Starting to lose the connection with my therapist,4 +780,"Not sure if that’s the right term, but does anyone find themselves clenching their tummy all the time? I noticed I do it particularly on the left side. I’ve been having anxiety over PVCs, so I’m not sure if I’m subconsciously guarding that side bc it’s near my heart. I know the vagus nerve is mostly afferent (takes info to the brain), and I’m wondering if the guarding could also be sending signals I’m not safe, thus increasing the anxiety I’m experiencing? Any ideas on stopping this other than increasing relaxation, and becoming more aware? Thanks in advance :)",Abdominal guarding?,4 +781,"TW: self harm, suicide + + +Hey there! I hope this is the right place to post about this. I don't know anyone irl who deals with so much anxiety so here we go. + +Since last summer I've been dealing with a lot of intrusive/obsessive thoughts about my relationship/my partner/me etc which caused a lot of anxiety. From july all the way through december I felt like I was going crazy. I felt so much anxiety and so much emotional pain to the point where I thought I couldn't function properly. I would've done anything to stop feeling anything at all. And everything between me and my partner was fine, I didn't have any reason to feel like this. + +In january I started to feel a bit better (anxiety wise), but I started to self harm again (I don't do this constantly, only once or twice every few months I guess). In january and february I felt so sad and so numb that I didn't care about anything anymore. I think I also experience suicidal thoughts but I am very afraid to die so idk if I actually do experience them. I still feel a little bit anxious and I do experience self harm thoughts here and there but overall I can function decently. + +I've never been to a psychiatrist or psychologist and so idk where I should start. The thing is, therapy is very expensive and I can't afford it right now. I could afford going to a psychiatrist tho, but i don't know if my situation is that bad in order to reach out to a psychiatrist. I am scared they won't take me seriously and that they will tell me to go to therapy instead. + +Do you have any advice regarding my situation? Any response would be much appreciated.","Psychiatrist or psychologist? (F,22)",4 +782,,Feeling tired most of the time?,4 +783,"For several days I was convinced I had appendicitis… well I’m finally out of that stage THANKFULLY. or at least almost out of it, but now I’m convinced if I stop worrying about it happening or something then it’ll happen or if I stop worrying in general something bad will happen like my therapist cancelling or just some form of misfortune. I’m not used to having good things happen to me and my life is finally starting to improve so I’m just constantly on edge. My past four dreams havent been good, in one my friends started being rude to me, in another my food messed up, I wasn’t able to eat, my family was rude and my period started (haha my period then started 30 minutes after waking up), and these past two other days were focused on appendicitis in one I got it, had bad pain and then woke up freaking out (only had back pain tho which passed), and in the other I had it and got surgery. That dream did help me start to slowly get over my fear of it though. But I feel like if I stop worrying then it’ll happen, i know when I finally get distracted I start to think “huh maybe I’ll be okay, i don’t feel like anything bad would happen” and then sudden fear and feeling of it going to happen. Fucking lord go away. I just need to be okay for 13 more days and then I can see my therapist but my mind doesnt think ill make it in these 13 days. Like it’s certain I’m going to die and if that doesn’t happen then something else bad will, especially if I stop worrying argh","I feel like if I stop worrying, something bad will happen, on and off sense of doom.",4 +784,doe anyone else ever get so worried that they’re going to die in their sleep that they stay up all night or is that just me 😅,sleep anxiety,4 +785,Any help here is great… here is my issue. I get bad night anxiety. My left armpit feels tense after falling asleep for maybe 3 hours average. I then may feel it stem to the left side of my neck and dullness tension in arm. I always feel it is a sign of a heart condition But I believe it to be my anxiety. I’ll then be up for 2-3 hours trying to feel it subside or me to become tired to fall back asleep. This really only happens at night. I feel five during the day. I sleep alone and I’m 26. I do lift weights few days a week. Anyone have any suggestions for me? I just want to live/sleep like a normal person. Really sucks. Been going on for a few months.,Night time left arm pain,4 +786,"Hi everyone. I noticed my anxiety over the past couple months has gotten worse. I used to maintain decently w cbd here and there, but I find that I'm getting frustrated or my fight or flight is seriously kicking in + + + + + + +For context, just shopping in a store the other day. I'm reaching for a can of food and my bf is near me. Suddenly, a middle aged man w a cart barrels through towards me and an employee is inches from me, reaching for items directly below me. I suddenly moved so I wouldn't be touched or run over by this guy w the cart. No 'pardon me' 'excuse me', nothing. + + + +This morning I come to do my laundry at my local laundromat. I usually chat w a little old lady here but she usually gets in my personal space to clean literally crumbs from the floor. + + + +I am putting laundry in and I'm suddenly butt-to-butt with the laundry attendant, a woman comes in w a body bag sized laundry bag and almost hits me w it and I try to back up and the laundry woman is directly behind me, inches behind me + + + + +I finished loading the laundry and went to my car for a deep breath. I called my bf to vent and he understands mostly how I feel. I also am starting to feel like an emotional burden to him. + + + +Idk how to cope anymore. I feel like I'm on edge all the time. +Any tips would be amazing. I don't have health insurance so I can't be seen by a doctor anytime soon +Thanks for listening",How to get over anxiety/fight or flight when people are in my personal space all the time??,4 +787,"My bf is going out with some friends tonight and I was too scared to ask if I could come along. Normally I would but recently he said he wanted some space so it doesn’t feel right asking him if I can tag along places anymore. He’ll always say yes just to be nice. + +Then my friends call asking if we want to hang out with them and I’m like bf is already going out. At this point I freak out. Urgent social interaction and I would have to ask bf for a ride. No I don’t want to bother him. + +I feel stupid that I wanted to go out so bad. But when I was offered another chance to go out I declined because I was too scared of everything. + +I was too scared to ask to go with him + +I was to scared to ask for a ride + +I was too scared to go to an unplanned social event + +Tomorrow I have a planned social event and now I feel so insecure. It just feels like a cycle. Why can’t I just do these things? + +EDIT: next day and I found out he got a ride for once since he’s always DD so I couldn’t have asked for a ride anyway. + +If I had asked for a ride I think it would have been worse because he would have felt pressured to drive me which again would not be great since he asked for space a while back. + +I was feeling like the call was a sign to go out and I didn’t. So I was feeling down on myself for choosing to miss out. But now that I know I probably could not have gotten a ride anyway somehow I feel better lmao + +Weird how that works isn’t it",Why can’t I just do things,4 +788,"I’ve got an interview in 3 hours and I’m stressing about it a lot, any tips/input would be appreciated :)",Any confidence tips for a job interview?,4 +789,"I'm 27, but I've been having dreams about having to do school presentations and knowing that all the students are going to be watching me. It's not super frequent, but at least once or twice a month for the past few months. I don't even have any presentations coming up, like for work...",Constantly having dreams (or nightmares) about doing school presentations,4 +790,"Hello. I am a 18y old boy. From a very young age I have a fear of doctors. My heartrate was 160 the last time when i went to the doc. She told me to go to cardiologist. I said to her that i dont have problems with the heart but she was still wanting to go. So i went, made an ECG, the heartrate was 170 but the heart was healthy. So I think the best solution is to take Xanax before going to the doc...i have it at home from 1 year but for other reasons. How much should i take so i can feel calm the next time i go to the hospital? +Sorry if my English is bad... :)",XANAX FOR PHOBIA,4 +791,"Hi everyone, + +I have always struggled with an anxious habit of chewing on the ends of my hair. It’s really damaging to it and it’s preventing it from growing. I never do it intentionally, it’s always something I find myself doing when I’m trying to focus on something that’s making my anxiety spike up. Does anyone else experience this?? I need all the tips I can get. I try to tie my hair up but I’m one of those people who can’t have their hair in a ponytail for long periods of time just because it’s uncomfortable.",Anxious habit help,4 +792,"I’ve tried everything. I was withdrawn before because of my lack of attendance 5 months ago due to my anxiety, I have started college again after being on Zoloft for a while, but my anxiety is still just as bad. I have gone into college more but I still feel unable to function thinking of all the people around me. I have only been in 6 times so far and I can’t cope, I’m scared of being withdrawn again just because of my inability to go in sometimes. I just want to get on with my life.",College with crippling anxiety,4 +793,"I've noticed recently that my anxiety is showing itself more in my chest with aches and the insomnia, and clenching my jaw is getting worse. I want to be able to help myself but I honestly don't know what to do besides take two benadryl and make myself tired. Help please.",How do you help anxiety that manifests via chest pains/aches?,4 +794,"So I just need a bit of reassurance that I am not alone with this and a few tipps if you have. I'm currently holding my first job after uni and during this first year my finances have been a huge trigger for my anxiety. +At the moment I am scared to look at my online banking. Scared that I am not able to cover my basic finances. Of losing that little bit of financial independance and security I have for the first time. I just feel totally unequiped to deal with money.",Anxiety,4 +795,A spot that almost constantly itches on my chin and around my mouth under lip? My facial hair even feels more prickly. It seems I am having hypersensitivity to sounds and feel lately as well. I also have bruxism and clench almost all day without paying attention. I had my kidneys and liver all checked out good in November. This started in December. Xanax takes it away yes but if it was something other than anxiety I think Xanax would still take it away.,Can anxiety cause this ?,4 +796,,I don’t think I’ll be able to talk to a therapist about sexual abuse. Does it have to be verbal or can you draw and does the person get in trouble?,4 +797,"So I’ve always had an aspect of social anxiety within me, usually in groups of more than 3 or 4 people. One on one or in a group of 3 in absolutely fine. + +I had some bad experiences of speeches and presentations back in high school and totally avoided it throughout my adult life. + +I’m now 31 and the only public speaking (if you can calll it that) I’ve done is a hand full of interviews to no more than 3 people. + +I’m my brothers best man at his wedding in a few days and I’ve got to do it in front of 100 or so people which seems absolutely alien to me. My heart races and I get sweaty palms just thinking about it or practicing in front of a mirror. + +I hate the sound of my own voice and it just begins to break/shake and I go bright red and my mouth makes this involuntary frowning thing like I’m about to cry whenever I’ve had to do it in the past. + +I’ve read online countless tips and advice but I just don’t feel these people have it half as bad as I do? I’ve resorted to getting a low dose of diazepam from my doctor (only 6 2mg tablets) and they have told me to take a maximum of 3 of theses before the speech. Will this honestly help? I appreciate the concerns about mixing alcohol and diazepam but I do believe that is a low dose and I only plan on having 1 or 2 small bottles of beer before the speech. + +Any tips/advice? + +TIA.","Wedding speech in a few days, social anxiety",4 +798,"I been seeking a partner for years now and never meet anyone I am compatible with and vice versa who I share values and ofc chemistry with!! + +Why",Why is my love life non- existent?,4 +799,"My exhaustion, anxiety, high standards and low effort are all ruining my life. I let the whole day outside of work pass me by. I don’t workout anymore, I take all of my feelings out on food and then beat myself up for allowing myself to make the less healthy choice. I sleep as much as I can. I feel exhausted all of the time. I constantly feel like I’m on a time crunch. I feel like I missed the boat in life. I realized all the things I wanted to do too late and I don’t need to hear the “it’s never too late” bullshit because for some career paths, it just is and that’s the reality I have to face. I’m digging myself deeper and deeper and I know I am but I can’t STOP. Im going to ruin my life. I see myself doing it. Im going to lose my fiancé and my dog and my roof. I can’t drag myself out of this. I wake up late, I binge eat, I tell myself I’ll start tomorrow, I don’t clean because I slept in too late and now I’m out of time and I need to get ready, I cry my eyes out because weeks go by like this and then maybe my shits together for a week and I prep my food and stay on the house and get to work on time and I can get up at 7 instead of 10 and I can workout every day and wash my hair more than once every week and a half. I feel so lost. I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t stop spiraling and I know I sound insane. I’m just so sad and lonely and anxious feeling all the time and I feel like such a FAILURE. God, help me.",I feel like a tightly closed fist,4 +800,"Slept maybe an hour last night. Too stressed over going into the office today. I only go in once a week, but I hate it. I feel like I’m going to throw up any minute and feeling super light headed. Feel like calling in but I didn’t go in last week either because I had an appointment. Anxiety over going in and anxiety over calling out… 😅",Not doing too good this morning…,4 +801,Why do I check my phone so much even the Whatsapp ? I am unable to concentrate on anything else properly I just tend to wait for people to text me???,Help,4 +802,"I’m not even sure if this is the right group but as an anxiety sufferer I figured it’s worth a shot. During an extremely stressful life phase last fall, I began experiencing an electric shock like feeling in my chest - lasts for 2 seconds tops, and feels like you’re being electrocuted then it just goes away. It’ll sometimes come and go for 10 minutes sometimes a few days. It totally went away for me last November, and now it is back today. I’m just at such a loss as to what could cause this but wondering if it’s anxiety related or if anyones experienced this what did it end up being?",Electric shock like feeling?,4 +803," +20/ female + +I went to the toilet today and there was +maroon coloured blood when I wiped. When I passing stool the first part felt quite hard and then some pieces. Yesterday my butthole was burning quite a lot + +I have quite bad upper abdominal discomfort, I have tried so many over the counter meds but nothing is working and I’m absolutely petrified this turns out to be the worst. I am waiting to see the GP but I am so scared.",Absolutely terrified / health anxiety,4 +804,"Hi folks, + +I have been diagnosed with GAD last year and still am discovering/recognizing all the different symptoms I have. Thank you for this wonderful community btw, I have cried at many of your stories and small victories. + +I was wondering what your panic attacks / anxiety attacks feel like, and what difference you make between the two? + +I keep telling therapists ""oh no I don't have panic attacks"" because in my mind if I'm not passed out on the floor then it's not it, but also I do have attacks of accute stress/rapid heart beat/can't breathe/need to move and get the f out of where I am which I don't know how to qualify. Looking for your experiences so I can put words on what I go through + +Stay strong",What is or isn't a panic attack?,4 +805,"I just got back from an eye check up for a new set of contact lenses and the optometrist told me my eyes are healthy and I just have a few eye freckles (they’re on the whites of my eyes and are light grey). After the appointment, KNOWING he said my eyes were fine, I went into a rabbit hole and googled eye freckles and found out that in rare circumstances they can turn cancerous. + +I felt sick to my stomach and want to go back to an optometrist to get them removed but I know I’m sending myself into a spiral. It’s been about two hours now and I’m starting to calm down about it all, trying to tell myself that if anything was wrong I would be told. But I hate this. My brain has to focus on the worst outcome possible. + +Planning to speak to somebody about my healthy anxiety because I feel like it’s getting worse as time goes on. But it sucks.",My health anxiety is spiralling,4 +806," + +Hello, I'm new to this community and I need your support. I am diagnosed with obsessive ocd disorder (rocd) severe depression and emotional addiction and a few hours ago i was in the middle of an ocd crisis and i came across something that triggered me as I was in full compulsion. It was about attachment styles can someone please tell me if i am a good person to love my partner and that an emotionally dependent person has the right to love someone and date them . I'm in such a healthy relationship and I'm proud of it because my previous relationship was very chaotic and so toxic and I'm afraid to be with him that because of my emotional dependency I want to be with him because i love it with all my heart but my thoughts are killing me (i think it's the ocd side pressing where it hurts) Thank you all. Be kind please my ocd makes me believe so many things through messages and it's horrible.",i need support please,4 +807,"I know this feeling is unjust, but I can't help but feeling dreadfully anxious and sad that my best friend didn't want me at a night on the Weekend. + +I'd been excluded before in this group of friends when they went on holiday last year together. I was really upset then and just so happened to be very down at that time anyway so I ended up bringing it up and we got into a huge fight where he said he hadn't meant to and these things just happened, but also, I needed to back off. + +So this weekend, he said he'd got a ticket for this night but downplayed it like it was only him and another guy and not the whole group going. But everyone from that group went. He said he hadn't known they were but I'm sure that's not true and now on reflection, they had probably planned it for months. + +I know I have no right feeling this way, people can do what they want but I can't help but feeling really sad about it, like he didn't want me there for a reason and after last time, I don't want to mention anything because I don't think he'd take it well. I know we should be able to do different things, and I'm not saying otherwise but I know everyone in this group and wonder why he didn't want me there. It's making me feel pretty low. We live together but I'm moving out next week, and a part of me is worried he'll slowly cut me out of his life. + +How can I stop feeling like this? I feel pathetic",Feeling dreadful after best friend didn't want me to come on night,4 +808,"I keep thinking of this one social interaction i had today and my mind is never leaving it. Im so tired,",Feeling so overwhelmed with my reoccuring thoughts all day,4 +809,Has anyone on here taken Paxil? I’m on it and I feel so exhausted and lethargic all of the time now and I don’t have the energy to do the things that I enjoy. Do I just need to give it more time? It’s been about a month. Any insight helps. Thank you,Meds,4 +810,"Hello, I am a 17 year old male and last Friday i threw a party when my parents where away. I was pretty amped up because I have never thrown a party so I started doing shots with my friend. After a while I just forgot what happened and woke up the next day. I had left my phone outside and there was a toilet paper roll in the sink covered in water as well as vomit in another sink. I asked my friends and they assured me +I didn’t do anything stupid. However, I have a lingering anxiety that I ruined my +Body or brain. Everytime I think about the blackout I feel the worst anxiety I have ever felt. Can anybody help me out?",Anxiety after blackout drunk,4 +811,"I rented downstair of a house for a really cheap price with my mom and brother. Upstairs is landlord and their family. I’ve been living here for over four years. Everything is fine except when something is broken and I was afraid the landlord won’t fix it, or scared of landlord will “sell the house” and want us to move out. Anxiety hit real hard + +Earlier this year, my neighbor upstairs - landlord’s daughter - brought home a high school graduated boyfriend. He is childish and usually yell out of nowhere. I have PTSD from domestic violence so this triggers me a lot. It seems like he knows I’m scared, so he brought it full blown one night last month by stomping, laughing, yelling while playing games at night. I try my best with school and hoping to graduate soon after next year to get the fuck out of here. But the panic attack happens every time there are noises at night, and people upstairs are so passive aggressive that this is going no where…",Night time anxiety and noises from upstairs neighbor,4 +812,"Just a little bit ago I sent my doc a message asking if propranolol could be an option for me. + +The fight or flight mode in my body sometimes just activates with no mental triggers I could think of. + +I've heard a lot of good things about it, so I'm hoping she says yes especially with her knowing I HATE taking benzos. + +I'm hoping this'll be the push I need to have a decent recovery, and maybe start working more than 10-12 hours a week + +Feel free to share success stories, I need the support!",Finally asked my doc about propranolol,4 +813,"TW CLIMATE CHANGE + +I am 22 yo and I've been studying to become a lawyer for the past 6 years. + +I'm on the verge of finishing my studies and I ask myself: what's the point? + +How are we supposed to keep living as if things were normal, as if Society was not rushing towards a brick wall? + +I've been worried about the environment for years, especially feeling helpless and seeing governments and multinationals not giving a damn. + +In order not to be crushed with worry, I held onto the idea that, at worse, our generation would be okay and it's the next one which would suffer the big consequences. + +In reality, it's hard to be that optimistic, especially as IPCC reports get more serious and worrying every time they're issued. + +The idea that Society is on the verge of collapse feels more realistic as time goes by. I'm scared that it will not be able to adapt to climate change, that we will die or live in a post-apocalyptic world. + +I'm scared and I feel helpless, especially as a future lawyer because I don't see the use in lawyers in such a situation. I'm feeling depressed because I feel like my studies are pointless. I don't see how lawyers can be useful to save the world. + +I feel like it's too late for lawyers to be helpful in urgent times, as law is such a slow process. I feel like what we need are people in the field; scientists, real politicians, essential jobs, etc. + +I feel useless, and I feel really unmotivated to keep on working for my master's thesis.",Feeling as blue as the planet is warm,4 +814,Anyone’s anxiety worst at bedtime ???,Anxiety at night,4 +815," +Hey all, +For context I’m 17F and in week 4 of 1L, so have just started law school. + +However, these past three years, but specifically last year was so hard on me. On top of enormous pressure and performing at a ridiculous standard in high school to get into law, my grandpa who had been battling with a brain tumour died 3 days before my first exam. These exams were the ones that dictated whether or not I’d get into university. For some background, my grandpa was like my father to me. When I was younger especially, my dad wasn’t home often as he was constantly working as a lawyer and would get home really late so I wouldn’t see him. As a result, my grandparents looked after me and I spent countless hours with them, and still see my grandma every week. As you can imagine, his death was possibly the most devastating thing for me. Seeing someone so articulate and intelligent being unable to move nor speak to you was so hard, but I had to push it all aside and after burying him in the ground, I went into school - no literally, 30 minutes after the burial I had to go to school for final exam prep. + +Anyways, this was in November of 2022. I got through exams, and for the first time in what felt like forever I felt happy at Christmas. My mind was clear, I was surrounded by family and didn’t have any responsibilities. I even managed to stop anti depressants for my anxiety which had been bad from 2020-2022 but especially ramped up in the period of his deaths to the point where I got through my days with whiskey and beta blockers. + +So I had a brief intermission of calm. I was happy for about 3 weeks till about February this year until it all came rushing back. Anxiety, panic attacks, derealization. Just like that put back on 10 mg of lexapro, which I’ve been on for just under 4 weeks. The trigger? Possibly University. Being back in an educational context with such high stakes and workload such as law may have caused this relapse. But I decided I’d push through, and have one to uni these past four weeks with the help of beta blockers. It’s been probably one of the most difficult weeks since my grandpa died. Exhaustion, unable to leave the house without terrible anxiety and just loss of ability to enjoy anything. I’ve spoke to my therapist and he thinks I need a break from study and need some time to actually relax and process to allow my body o heal. + +Besides the mental strain I’ve been under, there’s also been physical and health issues I’ve been dealing with, being hyperthyroidism, and as of a week ago, iron deficiency. Seems like my body wants me to stop, but I don’t want to. Studying gives me a sense of purpose, of validation. + +I guess all I ask for is for some advice please. This is a big decision for me and I really just want someone to talk to and hear me. Thank you in advance :)",Thinking of deferring law school due to mental health and burn out. Really need advice and support,4 +816,"I had a complete breakdown in December, nearly a month to the day after writing my mom out of my life. I am mid 30s, and my therapist said I have two ptsd triggers from childhood trauma, with my mother being the largest chunk. + +The ER trip in December involved barking ""Help"" but feeling like I wasn't the one saying it, and randomly losing consciousness due to hyperventilating, and intense heart palpitations. + +The heart palpitations and hyperventilating happened about 7 years ago as well, and I remember doing similar when I was a young kid. + +I had another panic attack last week, and my anxiety has been up and down. Hydroxyzine for panic instances, and prozac to keep me level. + +My mind instantly goes to the worst places when my anxiety is high: it's a stroke, a heart attack, a tumor, an uncurable/unknown disease. + +Thanks to therapy, I'm no longer depersonalizing/derealizing, but this just means that staying in the moment involves powering through intense heart palpitations, fear, and cold/hot feelings. + +The medication brought back a handful of dreams for the first time in more than a decade or two, but only for a week. But now, I have had a handful of ""simple"" auditory hallucinations, such as a drum beat, a beeping sound, or the sound of water pouring, all of which are coming from in my head. + +Has anyone had a similar mental breakdown after removing someone like a parent? Work has been a stressor too, but my mom was the trigger, and work was the icing. For months before this, I was frequently tired and not hungry at all, and always stressed at work, and had a short temper. + +I just want to feel normal. Right now, things are generally ok, but when that spiraling anxiety occurs, it's really hard to break free and feel like I'm staying sane.",Since December,4 +817,"Ok so for dinner I had a vegan meal from the restaurant down the street. It had teriyaki “chicken”, brown rice, broccoli and pumpkin. About ten minutes in I started getting indigestion and about an hour later I began throwing up with slight abdominal discomfort. It’s been about seven hours since I ate and the puking has finally subsided. How worried should I be? I’m currently dog sitting and away from my partner and just giving myself anxiety thinking the way I’m going to die is from a god damn pumpkin (I’ve been drinking water but still don’t feel like eating)",Toxic Squash Syndrome,4 +818,"I’ve been feeling very flat like depressed lately along my anxiety, like literally I can just cry and it’s hard for me to want to get out of bed. I’ve been taking lexapro for a while and I believe it stopped working. New psychiatrist added 30 mg of mirtazapine with that. I felt like it was helping at first but now I don’t feel it is. I’m meeting with him next week. I feel hungry but I have no appetite, I have to force myself to eat and that’s giving me more anxiety because I have no appetite. Like nothing sounds good, and when I start eating something nothing is sparking that “oh this tastes good I want more” and it’s giving me anxiety and scaring me. It also takes me forever to eat because of it, like I mean forever I feel like I’m just chewing and chewing when I’m usually a fast eater so that’s giving me anxiety. I’m finding that the thought of eating because of that is giving me anxiety and I’m scared that this isn’t normal.",Anxiety over appetite loss.,4 +819,"Recently prescribed klonopin for general anxiety/social anxiety and panic disorder. Random facts about how my anxiety- I don’t frequently have panic attacks (couple times a year) but have pretty severe anxiety everyday, from social anxiety to over thinking everything in my life to the point of ruining my day. Also experience nausea before any social setting/event no matter how small, every single time. I also have car anxiety where I do not want to drive and am terrified when I ride with others. + +Been on SSRIS for years, they never work. And when I say don’t work I mean I couldn’t tell you if I was taking a tik tac or my medicine, I genuinely wouldn’t know the difference. Been on lexapro, buspar, Wellbutrin and maybe a few others. My psychiatrist finally decided anxiety is the root, not depression so I don’t need a ssri. + +I’m prescribed .5 a day, half or the whole thing twice a day. Took half of .5 for the first month and tbh I didn’t notice anything. Doctor told me maybe I need to take the full .5 twice a day, so I’ve been doing that and still don’t feel like it’s doing much. Am I immune to medications lol??? I still have anxious thoughts and feelings, I’ll say though maybe the feeling of nausea before social settings has gone away but other than that I feel like my anxiety is still very present ): + +Side note, very very far fetched side note, a thought that I’ve had is maybe, just maybe, ADHD is causing my anxiety? And this is why these medications aren’t working? I’ve read adhd can cause anxiety disorders. +Ugh I just want to know what the hell is wrong with me and how to fix it.",Klonopin not working?,4 +820," + +Hi guys, so today, I forgot to wear gloves when taking out the trash, and when I took out the trash, I saw squirrel feces, we have a lot of squirrels here. So when I threw the trash away, I accidentally closed it on my hands with cuts. Now my finger with cuts is itching very much. + +Could it have been rabies saliva on trash cans, and now it got into my hand from the trash can. This is our homes trash can which is outside our house. Am I overreacting and overthinking something I should not? Thank you","Trash can, rabies saliva, and many cuts on hand",4 +821,"If you have taken diazepam for one thing, not long term, can you please describe what happens? I don’t like not knowing, it is making me more anxious. Like will I feel trippy or sleepy or dopey? + +I have to have an MRI done on my head. First time I went I had a panic attack but got through it after 5 minutes, and they didn’t put headphones on my head under the coil (it’s like a head cage), which made me feel less trapped. I had to have a second MRI last month and I started crying as soon as I saw the machine, then when it came to having the coil and headphones on I had another panic attack. The first time I was on my own and didn’t properly recall that the headphones were a problem. I couldn’t do the second MRI. + +I’m going in to try again this Thursday and my GP prescribed me Diazepam. He didn’t really tell me what it will do to me in detail, just said it will make me less anxious. + +Edit: I had the MRI! I made it through I am genuinely so proud of myself. I thought I’d share the experience in case anyone has a similar question and ends up here. + +Took one 5mg tablet an hour before the scan. I’m about 5 minutes I started feeling tired like I’d got up way too early or stayed up too late. 45 minutes later I was feeling really tired and a bit zoned like I’d had alcohol, drunk without the sick feeling. I got to the appointment and was a bit slow answering questions, mental lag sort of thing. Then in the machine I didn’t panic, I did feel the start of panic but it was very easily tampered down, like it was just a thought. The mri went well, got home and went sleep for 3 hours woke up tired still and a little bit sick, and then have slowly woken up more through the day. Thank you for all the comments it really helped my nerves.","MRI anxiety, what does Diazepam do to you?",4 +822," + +Long term Klonopin?? + +I am a 20 y/o male with fairly bad anxiety. Have tried every ssri in the book none of them work and give me horrible side effects. + +My anxiety is as follows: completely random attacks, feel like I’m dying I went to the er many times. I can’t process thoughts in my head pretty much 24/7 (hard time holding conversation). I will sometimes have attacks with stressful situations at work, but I have an important job so I don’t let those attacks stop home from doing my job even tho it can be miserable. + +I have tried many different ssri, hydroxzyine which works sometimes. The only thing that has worked is Xanax. I’m prescribed 1mg, but I typically break it up and take .25-.5 as needed. The only thing I haven’t tried is a beta blocker which I will try next. + +Xanax allows me to have a perfectly clear head. I don’t feel like a retard and trip over my words and feel disassociated when I am on it. I don’t feel sedated or tired I just feel normal. It curbs and prevents panic attacks for usually 6-10 hours. I have been taking it more than I should recently .25-.5 every day to every other day. I do notice some rebound anxiety on the days off but nothing too crazy. + +If a beta blocker doesn’t work I will try clonazapam. I really don’t care about dementia later in life. So my question is if these drugs increase my quality of life dramatically should I really avoid them just because of withdrawls? Yes I know their hell but you don’t go through them if you are on em for long term with no intention of getting off. + +Sorry for the essay pls share input, advice and experience, + +Thanks",Long term Clonazapam??,4 +823," +I have severe social anxiety. I can barely carry a conversation, let alone initiate one. I’m not in touch with any of my high school (toxic) friends. I’m in my late 20s and I basically have no friends. How do I make friends? Not online but in person? I know I’ve asked this question many times on here but none of the suggestions seem to work for me due to my stupid anxiety",How to make friends?,4 +824,"I always feel tension headaches everyday which is making me anxious about it. Also, if feel so hot even though my temperature is not high after checking in thermometer. My front teeth aches I dont know ehy. Any tips on what to do?","Teeth Pain, Headaches, Hot Flushes",4 +825,"like when im falling asleep i “trought” noises like when u get stuck a music in your head, but in my case are random noises, why is that happening?","“hearing” random noises on my mind when falling asleep, i take clonazepam, it is anxiety? im hypocondriac and i dont want it to be schizo",4 +826,"I (25f) have been dating my boyfriend (33m) for two years now. We haven’t really had any problems until my anxiety started worsening about 4 months ago. I’ve had anxiety and depression since middle school and was officially diagnosed with ADHD in January. My anxiety and depression have been at a low for a few years now, which I definitely took for granted. I’m on a couple different antidepressants and got them to a good level. + +About 4 months ago, my anxiety started worsening for no discernible reason. Okay, great, I’m working with my therapist on it and talking to my psychiatrist about it, but my overall mental health is still going downhill. My boyfriend, luckily for him, has never struggled with mental health and has no idea how to relate to me or support me. I’ve been working really hard to communicate with him about how I’m feeling and what I need, but he really just ignores it. + +For example, in January we were out of the country for my work and planned on staying a couple extra nights to make a vacation out of it. Traveling generally heightens my anxiety, especially international travel. A lot of little things happened (including a couple small actions he made) one day that led to an anxiety attack, and he basically ignored the fact that it was happening. A couple hours after I came down from the attack and I had taken a cold shower and eaten a little bit, I talked to him about it a bit. I said “you can correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you don’t know how to respond or support me when I’m having really bad anxiety moments like this,” he said yeah that’s true, so I asked if it would be helpful if I told him a couple things that help when I’m really struggling. He agreed, so I said a few things like getting me some cold water, giving me a hug/holding me, taking a walk with me if that’s an available option, things like that. He said he could work with that. Over the past two or so months since then, I’ve had a few anxiety attacks similar to the one I had in January, and every time he basically ignores my anxiety. I’ve repeated my request a couple times, but it doesn’t make any difference. (There are a lot of other similar issues that have been going on as well.) + +Over the weekend, we had a very short conversation (probably 5 minutes max) and half of it was silence because neither of us knew what to say. (None of this is necessarily in order, I really don’t remember the order because it was really emotionally charged and kind of upsetting.) I said I wanted to try to make it work. I asked him if he wanted to try to make it work, and his response was “I want you to be happy, and I don’t want to be taking that from you whether it’s because I’m not putting the effort in or unable to support you, or something else.” Which didn’t actually answer my question (I guess it did in a roundabout way, though). I also asked if he still loved me, and he paused for what felt like forever before saying “yes.” + +I’ve spent more time crying in the past two weeks than I have my entire life before this. + +I’ve been thinking about our relationship a lot over the past couple months. He’s not a very talkative person in general. If there’s an issue, he ignores it completely or makes passive remarks and doesn’t actually bring it up. I feel like not only am I the only one that tries to open communication lines, but that I’m not getting my needs met also. + +I’ve talked to my therapist about it a bunch, and I think I’ve pretty much made my decision: I’m going to break up with him and work on my mental health. + +It feels terrible sitting on this, knowing the relationship is coming to an end. I have some major events coming up at work this week (including a 4 day long audit that I’m in charge of) so I’m basically trying to balance holding off for as long as possible (I.e. the end of the week) and being anxious and miserable about it and having that hard conversation now and being a different kind of upset and not able to focus at work. Either way, I’m not going to be able to be completely mentally present at work, I’m just trying to figure out what would be best for me and also respectful to my partner. + +I’m struggling with feeling like I’m broken and impossible to love because of my anxiety. I know that’s not actually the case, but it sure feels that way. + +Anyway, thank you for listening. All my family lives out of state and I only have a couple friends, none of which I really talk about deep stuff like this with. I just want a hug. + +I apologize for the long post, I just wanted to get it off my chest.",Breaking up with boyfriend of two years because of my anxiety,4 +827,"Hi all, + +30/m/New York + +This post is about my struggle with health anxiety and the fear that my heart is failing. +Might be a long one but would love to speak to anyone who has/is going through anything similar. + +I have had anxiety for years but have been able to deal with it until recently. + +4 months ago I had some chest pain which caused a massive panic attack. The only way I can explain the sensation is that it felt like someone was grabbing my heart and squeezing. + +A couple of days later I went to my doctor and had all the necessary tests. Blood work, EKG, echo etc. All results came back fine, as expected, except for the fact that I have an oddly low pulse (53 most of the time) and the chest tightness remained. + +Over the next few months my panic attacks became less frequent (twice a week) and my chest tightness began to disappear. + +I managed this by reminding myself throughout the day of any moment where I was distracted enough to feel normal. An hour or two went by and I would be suddenly be reminded that I’m not dying. I feel great. It must all be in my head. + +I had also started weekly therapy during this time but I didn’t find it particularly helpful. My therapist mostly talked for an hour and guided me through breathing exercises. I think what I really wanted was to find the route of the problem. + +More recently, my panic attacks have been worse and more frequent. +I have been feeling heart palpitations a lot, or more accurately, my heart skipping beats. +I began checking my pulse and counting the beats fairly often at this point, causing more anxiety and more panic attacks. + +Now I’m obsessed with my low pulse and my blood pressure machine. Almost all results show high blood pressure with a pulse of 51. + +I have just had a heart monitor on my chest for 48 hours and won’t get the results back for another 10 days or so. + +And this is where I am at… +Frequent panic attacks and the constant thought that my high blood pressure and low pulse will either kill me, give me a stroke or make me faint. + +Anyone else gone through this? + +Thanks!",Heart/health anxiety,4 +828,I need a solution! I can't sleep,Anxiety at night,4 +829,"About 2 weeks ago I was walking home from the train station and suddenly felt like I wasn’t real and that everything around me including the world was fake as in I’m not alive or this isn’t real life. + +Naturally I freak out, have a huge panic attack and feel even weirder and more fake till I call someone to talk or calm my breathing. + +This has been happening every few days and I’m really scared that a) I might be psychotic or something, or b) I might be dying. + +Please reply to this if you know what this is, I’m so frightened.",Am I going crazy?,4 +830,"Hiiii. So I went to the skatepark for the first time a few days ago. I'm happy about it. I can go down small ramps nothing major. There is a kid down the street who skates like a pro. Only 4 years old too. I see him al the tome so I decided to start skating. No matter jow hard a try ramps are roo scary for me right now. +Everytime I think about skateboarding my hands and feet start to sweat majorly. +I know what your think, just to not think abou ti. But I can't! All I think about is skateboarding. I'm homeschooled and don't have an exciting life because my mom is ill and my dad is long gone somewhere. I love to skate but it gives me anxiety and makes me sweat + In a good way? But it's also bad??? I don't know how to explain it but I want to stop think about it helpppppppppp",H e l p please 😭 I can't live like this anymore 😢,4 +831,Brain always tells me that they secretly hate me when I know that they don’t. Any advice for me to reassure myself effectively? Any would help!,I have trouble convincing myself that my friends really love me when I know they do,4 +832,"I am having intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend hurting me everyday for the last week. I feel less connected to him since those thoughts started and i keep having a voice in my head that is telling me ""What if i don't really love him"", but I know that I really love him. I am so confused and fell super anxious.",Intrusive thoughts anxiety,4 +833,"I've personally been in a state like this for about four months now (excluding a single day I felt normal again.) I know this isn't a super long time for some people though. What's your longest episode ever? + +I'm generally curious to see how many people are out there who have been stuck in a hypervigilant state with no rest.",What's your longest hypervigilant episode?,4 +834,"Hello everyone I hope you’re okay! + +So from January 24th up to know I have fallen back into my anxious state. + +It all started when I went to the big city in January I hadn’t felt anxious in months and I love the city so didn’t expect it. When I was walking off my train all the way down to the shopping centre I felt my legs and they didn’t feel ‘normal’ not weak but not strong and I was really aware of them and felt like my legs would just fail to walk and I’d fall over. The more I walked the more I started to stress out it got to the point where I felt dizzy and a bit lightheaded cause I was panicking and BOOM it hit I’m think OMG am I going to pass out ! I started to panic and think maybe it was diabetes but I’m a slim 22 year old male with no health conditions but in the moment I was panicking it was horrible so derealised and the fear of impending doom ! And then 3 days later I imagine because my nervous system was stimulated I was at my grans putting her bins out and for no apparent reason 0-100mph panic attack my legs instantly out of nowhere felt weak ish and shaky and so didn’t my arms and I let out this big exhale and I felt off balance and kind of dizzy in my head I rushed out the house into the car and sat there for a minute and I was okay but walking from my car to the house again made it happen mildly. Fast forward to today 20th of June i am still struggling with anxiety. Not the instant panic attack weak legs. This is like a head pressure feeling kinda like I’m tilting my head. Anyway I get this when I go on walk and panic and think I’m gonna pass out or fall over and then I think it’s something serious. I am also getting. It in shops. Although I have been in 4 shops the past few days just to ivercome this feeling. The past two times I had it very mild but made it without a panic attack and rushing out. B it because of this and headaches ( I want to say all my symptoms don’t hurt and they aren’t terrible they are 3/10 maybe 4.5/10 when panicking in terms of intensity but i still panic thinking I’m gonna fall to the ground or pass out. HOW DO I GET OVER THIS because I’m currently thinking I have a brain tumour. Basically all I want is reassurance that it’s anxiety and it’s not high blood pressure (had blood pressure check at doctors this year after walking there and it was fine) diabetes( I had general blood tests before and I didn’t have diabetes I am also a slim male 22) brain tumour ( head pressure and headaches making me think. Fairly certain I had similar dizziness years back when my anxiety was at my peak and my doctor kept telling me no brain tumour about 3 years ago. Also I’m scared of having low iron but I guess I just eat more iron and I’ll be okay ? Please let me know what you think. I have had 6 heart tests from three years ago up until now and it’s fine! + +Thank you in advance + +I am also starting to feel my heart rate again to check it and it’s stressing me out and making me more aware of it! + +Also need to mention I play computer games for like 4 hours a day and not that far from my monitor lol. Could be this ? I am also on my phone a lot",Can someone please understand me and give me motivation!,4 +835,"I have quetiapine and I know it works for me. Tempted to take 25mg so I can sleep. When I try to close my eyes, I have so many thoughts and I’ve tried to talk aloud and tell myself to stop thinking about them but after a few minutes, there they are again in my head. + +Part of me want to not take it but I have work later and I want to make sure I get enough sleep.",Having trouble sleeping.,4 +836,"My dad is a very angry alcoholic and I’ve dealt with it my whole life. I’ve watched my mother struggle mentally with it too. I also still live with my father and can’t afford to move out at the time. We had an episode tonight and he charged after me and my mom had to get involved. I was already having horrible anxiety and this has increased tenfold. I feel that my heart will give out. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. I’ve already made so many mistakes and I can barely hold down a job. Is there anything I can do to deal with this unbearable anxiety 24/7? I don’t blame my anxiety entirely on him, but I can’t help but feel that it’s caused some harm in my life.",My anxiety is unbearable and my abusive alcoholic father is making it worse,4 +837,"Some family are over at my house right now. +I enjoyed the company for a while. I came into my room to clean up a little bit, and just laid down to rest and then go to sleep. +I took a deep breath and a thought came to my mind. I’m in my room and I can hear everyone laughing and joking and just having the time of their lives. It’s so hard because I just want to be in my room watching my show and not having to talk or interact. It makes me feel like such an outsider. I don’t know if I’m making sense. I just feel like I was hit with a sudden realization that anxiety is always there no matter how much I work toward healing.",Feeling alone around others,4 +838,"For a time now, I had never had bad dreams, sleep was always quiet and if I had a dream it was always positive. However, lately my dreams has been really bad, it’s always about worst case scenarios where I lose this girl I have been talking to and I feel like I’m developing my feelings towards. Is this anxiety of losing her? How come I never have these thoughts when I’m lucid. P.S. sorry for the bad english I’m not a first hand speaker of english. Thank you!",Been having very bad nightmares lately.,4 +839," I think my GAD is so severe it now has a physiological source where my brain chemistry is messed up. My cortisol or serotonin levels throughout the day decide how I feel. DAE see patterns in their anxiety symptoms like this? + +**Mornings**: Wake up feeling shaky and short of breath, takes 30min of scrolling on my phone to get the motivation to get up. + +**Afternoon**: Tension builds up and I feel stiff and uncomfortable for no reason. Or have an adrenaline dump around this time + +**Early Evening**: Can be 50-50. Either I feel fine or symptoms start up again and last for a bit + +**Late evening**: Right at around 11pm or so some chemical switch goes off in my body and 80% of my issues vanish. It gets easier to breathe, my Heart slows down, and my brain fog lifts. Start feeling much happier too and its very obvious the constant subconscious anxiety has lifted. I have always been a night owl and even before my panic disorder I had weird spurts of energy and motivation in the late evening which made me a productivity machine in the AM. + +**Sleep**: I can sleep relatively ok but if something startles me and wakes me up I have a full on panic attack. I get at least 7h of sleep daily. + +&#x200B; + +I wonder if medication can help fix this. Any experiences?",Anyone else anxiety symptoms run like clockwork at specific times of the day?,4 +840,,I'm feeling ashamed for going to the doctor because of my health anxiety/physical symptoms. Anyone else feel like this?,4 +841,"Hello I think this is related to my stress/anxiety +Because lately it’s been kinda worse +But I have this weird fullness in my ears, I started freaking out a little earlier and then noticed my ears starting to feel like this, mostly just one but now it’s in two +And they are sensitive to sound like, idk how to explain it +It’s really uncomfortable and it’s making me freak out even more I don’t know what it is or if anyone else is experiencing it, if someone else is experiencing it please reply to this because I hope it’s not just me.",Weird fullness in ears,4 +842,"this is going to sound so stupid lol but basically i am going to centre parcs with my boyfriend soon and he really wants to go on the tropical cyclone water slide. i have been on it twice, a couple months back at a different centre parcs and i was ok- i did panic and stop breathing the first time, the second time i only stopped breathing for a second lol. Anyways i’m basically asking for advice because I am so worried about this i’m losing sleep and i literally think about it everyday. on the bus a couple days ago my chest felt really heavy and my throat felt all small because I was just thinking about going on the slide. it’s so annoying as i don’t want to seem boring and i’ll be sad if i don’t go on it, however I am terrified! Not even that scared of the slide more scared of the panic. I hate my brain. Any advice?",water slide,4 +843,"So yeah, me and my girlfriend have great times with each other, but i keep getting these thoughts that i need her to say that she loves me constantly or she doesn't feel it, anytime we have even the smallest discussion i think she hates me so i need vonstant reassuring of her feelings, and i think that might annoy her, how do i deal with these thoughts?",Intrussive thoughts,4 +844,Hey guys currently stuck in my car dry heaving trying to get the strength to get out and grab the few things I need from the store any help appreciated,Panic attack in car. Any help appreciated,4 +845,Any tips to keep calm throughout the day?,I go back to school tomorrow and I’m anxious,4 +846,I've had a headache for 6 days and my doctor said today that it's most likley anxiety and stress but I feel like it has to be something worse like an anyersum or stroke. But my dad is saying I need to believe the doctor but it's so hard too it just feels like im dying.,Anxiety and headaches,4 +847,"I (29M) started dating my girlfriend (24F) around 3 months ago. Almost a month ago we became officially boyfriend/girlfriend, and since then my anxiety has sky-rocketed. + +At the start I used to be pretty confident, always trusted her etc, but now I’m struggling. She has given me 0 reason not to trust her, but I’m always thinking worst case scenario. She is on her phone? Probably talking to another guy. She goes out with her friends? Probably cheating on me. Yesterday we were together in bed and I saw she was looking at some photos on her phone, and could see on the photo reel some pictures I didn’t recognize. The background was red, and that was everything I could actually see (I was without glasses). I immediately started thinking that those pictures are probably with a random guy, and that she is cheating on me. I mean, even if they were photos with someone else (which I don’t even know if they were photos of her/screenshots/ a random thing etc), she can have photos with friends without me thinking this. + +I know this is not healthy, and while I haven’t showed her my anxiety, I’m sure at some point I will mess up and she will probably start distancing herself. I mean, this reeks controlling behavior, right? I even had some issues with my bank that I thought she caused (not at all). This is my second relationship, my first was not great but my ex never cheated or anything, so I’m not sure what is causing this. Could it he that Im insecure? Or just don’t want to lose her? My gf is awesome and I really enjoy our relationship so far. She is attentive, shows interest, always makes time for us, cooks for me etc. I feel loved. + +It is worth noting that I almost screw everything up at the beginning, as I broke up with her before we were oficial for another girl. I realized my mistake shortly after and she accepted me back (after apologizing and having a deep conversation with her). I’m constantly thinking that I don’t deserver her after that, and that if I were her, who knows if I would have taken me back. Could this be part of it? + +TL:DR: I (29M) started dating my gf (24F) over 3 months ago. She has given me 0 reason to not trust her, but I’m constantly anxious thinking the worst (that she is talking with other people, cheating on me etc). This makes me fear I will eventually become very controlling. How can I address this?",I’m (29M) having bad anxiety in new relationship,4 +848,"ever since i was maybe 10-11, ive had an irrational fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. its gotten better now that im older, but it used to be so bad to the point where i would refuse to sleep some nights because i was convinced that i would die in my sleep from carbon monoxide poisoning, and that i wouldnt be able to hear the alarm going off if there ever was a leak. + +i currently have one CO detector in my house (a battery operated one), and its in my living room. i recently read somewhere that CO detectors (at least the first alert ones, which is the kind i have) are only effective for about 5-7 years. i unplugged mine and checked the back and saw that the date of manufacture was march 2nd, 2016, which was almost exactly 7 years ago. although the alarm hasnt given the end of life warning yet. i even tested it to see if it was still working, and it was, although there was no green or red light. dont know if that means its not receiving power, or what, or if thats normal. + +its currently 11pm, so i cant really go out and buy another CO detector right now. im just scared that there will be a leak or something tonight, and that my detector wont go off and i'll die in my sleep, along with my pets. i know its extremely unlikely that there will be a CO leak tonight, but i cant help but think about it. i'll probably buy another detector tomorrow if im able to. im terrified right now. i feel like this is such a stupid thing to be afraid of, and im not really sure why ive been afraid of it for so long. any reassurance would be very much appreciated. + +i hope i'll be able to get some sleep tonight.",just realized my carbon monoxide detector is expired and im freaking out,4 +849,"Think I've accepted now I've got pretty bad cardiophobia. + +Get every manner of symptom missed beats, fast HR at rest, dizzy, sick, lightheaded, legs feeling heavy, sometimes stabbing chest pain. + +Had a million heart tests all normal. + +What symptoms do you guys get? How did it all start for you? And what has actually helped you get out of this hole of being scared of your own heart? + +It's insane to even remember what it was like just going about your day and not thinking every slight physical symptom is your heart about to stop beating.",Anyone else out there with cardiophobia?,4 +850,"I want to cut caffeine and sugar intake and start meditating everyday, 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night(after 10 days I’ll start meditating 40 minutes a day) I’ll also add running 5 kms🤫 + +I want to report how I feel during this project and I’ll try to understand if my anxiety really goes away. + +(thankuu for all the support it’s really cute) + +Day 1/30 20.03 ✅ + + • Overall, this day was easy for me, I didn’t experience any headaches from my new no-sugar-no-caffeine diet, my mind felt more a bit less stressed than yesterday though I slept 6 hours at night(I accidentally ate one sweet oopsies)But I had a public speech and my body responded with a fight or flight response☠️ Public speaking is one of those things that I want to master by dealing with my anxiety issues… + +Day 2/30 21.03 ✅ + + • Lmaoo today I did feel those headaches after cutting caffeine. They were not so strong, though. I definitely feel less anxiety, but not so much. My legs almost died when I was running and my sneakers are dirty af(the weather conditions in my city are ☠️)Anyway, I did well. + + • I took a test so I can track my anxiety. I got 11/38 score, it was a social anxiety test because sometimes I start worrying when I talk with people🥲The test results say that my anxiety level is considered as low, and that’s true, but I want to feel 100% confident around any person and in any situation. Public speaking still awakens in me fear of being judged, so it’s still a big way to go. + +Day 3/30 22.03✅ + + • It was really hard to get up from bed and I don’t know why, maybe because of cutting sugar. Meditated twice in the morning because yesterday I accidentally fell asleep while wanting to take a nap… Omg my legs hurt so much when I run🤩Today I feel more stable than before this project and even yesterday as if my inner psychological core or something has grown stronger… I stopped worrying about little things that always bothered me before this challenge. For example, I stopped hesitating to talk to handsome guys😹 + +Day 4/30 23.03✅ + +• I probably won’t run today, my legs are sore. I stopped having mood swings🫢Feel much more relaxed than ever before. Things really bother me much less. I just stopped thinking random negative thoughts. My hands used to shake from stress sometimes, now it doesn’t happen.(upd no it still does)I had little eczema caused by my nervousness on the back of my hand, now it’s completely gone. Headaches don’t bother me, I don’t crave sweets, but I started to eat much more. + +Day 5/30 24.03✅ + +• I feel really good🥺I started to understand my anxious thoughts and emotions and realised how I used to repress them, their symptoms (rapid heartbeat, trembling hands). It’s funny how they’re going away now when I noticed my resistance towards them. Like, I used to get annoyed and try to control my body when my hands started shaking or tried to calm down my heart when I get worried, now I just… let go of control. Today I also didn’t run, instead I walked 6kms on a high speed. I don’t mean to ruin the challenge, it just seems like I injured my legs. + +Day 6/30 25.03⏳ + +•",I’m going on anxiety detox☠️,4 +851,"Can you ever really heal general anxiety disorder? Is it more so you can only manage it over the years but not really heal it? Or maybe manage over the years and it decreases slowly over time and then eventually heals? Or could it be healed more in a sudden moment, like maybe after a few days the anxiety is just completely gone?",Can you ever really heal general anxiety disorder?,4 +852,"I am nearly 2 months in having bad anxiety. Spring break I didn’t really do much because my body felt so heavy as if it just wants to drop and rest. Especially my arms, I can be on my phone laying down and it would randomly have the urge of just dropping. Raise your arm a bit and just drop it. That’s what I feel it wants to do. It’s never actually dropped or anything just I get a feeling that it wants to, as if someone is pulling my limbs down. I also notice when I’m driving my foot just feels weird like heavy and when I turn the wheel too. And I feel weak. I’m kinda new to anxiety and I just want to know if anyone else has or had this problem before and how to fix it.",Is it normal for my body to feel so heavy and urge to just give up?,4 +853,"I have been a sufferer of GAD and pure O OCD for years (possibly my whole life). One interesting aspect of my own anxiety is that I have developed a sort ""pride"" in my anxiety, in the fact that I think it's so bad that no one else could possibly even relate , or even be close to mine. + +I have identified and hypothesized that this is really a form or manifestation of narcissism, and possibly a coping mechanism. + +Throughout my journey of anxiety, my brain has tried to deal with the helplessness of anxiety by trying to twist my crippling anxiety into a form of grandiosity (delusional), which I am hypothesizing is the narcissism aspect.","DAE have an element of narcissism with their anxiety/OCD, IE ""My anxiety is the worst, and no one else's anxiety is like mine or can relate to me""?",4 +854,"I had pretty bad problems with anxiety a couple of years ago, but I managed to get better. For the last couple of years, I worked remotely, my job was calm and my colleagues were nice. + +Two weeks ago I started a new office job. +At first, felt just drained mentally and physically and I thought that this was just me adjusting to my new lifestyle, but now I feel how my anxiety is back. Being locked in a small room the whole day surrounded by people that I don't know has taken a tow on my mental health. And this in only 2 weeks! + +I have the option to work someday of the week remotely, but I was hoping to be in the office until I get a grasp of what are my day-to-day tasks. + +So do you have any advice on how I can deal with this for at least a couple more weeks until I feel comfortable getting an home office day?",How to deal with anxiety caused by new in site job?,4 +855,"Curious if anyone has same symptoms as me, i’ve gone to several doctors for chest pain mainly in my sternum, brain fog, fatigue, tingle in my hands, sometimes bit of confusion, & breathlessness. i’ve gotten blood work done and ekg’s because I believe it maybe a cardiovascular issue but all came clear.. doctors believe it may be anxiety. I don’t believe I am an anxious person and I am capable of coping with stresses which is why i’m pretty reluctant on that. I have had a very intense last two years but I never believed it would effect me with these type of symptoms. Curious to know if these are symptoms of anxiety? I am currently on hyrdoxyzin and 24 years old.",chest pains,4 +856,"Hello all! I’m new here. I recently decided to take a break from a problematic drinking habit and found that I had been self medicating for anxiety more than I realized, as it sprang back with a fury. + +I decided to go back on ssri’s, fluoxetine (generic Prozac) specifically. I figured it would help me with the depression and anxiety as my brain healed. I’ve been abstinent from alcohol for 82 days now. The first few days of fluoxetine were amazing, but then mid last week I started feeling really, really anxious. Like, unprovoked, where are these waves of intense anxiety coming from? anxiety. + +I’ve been on anti depressants in the past, so I’m no stranger to their effects, but I don’t remember having this negative of a reaction. Ive been trying every coping mechanism I know. I have a very supportive family and am seeing a therapist, so I’ll get through this. It’s just extremely uncomfortable. + +Did I mention that I’m a middle school music teacher? It’s really hard to stand up in front of a room of adolescents and conduct a rehearsal when you are in full fight or flight mode. + +Anyone else have this experience? I read several posts on here from people saying that the ssris fixed the depression, but not the anxiety. I am hoping for more positive results in the long run. Have a great one!",Anxiety spiking after starting fluoxetine (Prozac),4 +857,"Whenever I visit in a group of 3 or more in the same room after about 45 minutes I start to sweat a lot and smell and feel really hot. It doesn’t matter if I’m with strangers, friends or family. +Does anyone else feel like this? Or have any suggestions?",Sweating,4 +858,"its like having these bad thoughts as background noise in my mind. i cant get rid of them. when i listen to music, when i scroll socials, when i watch tv/videos or when i play something. when i take a walk, when i read a book, when i eat, when i talk with someone. always. + +they are usually about something bad that happened to me 2 months ago. its like thinking about this trauma over and over again, thinking about what happened, changing the conversations in my head, etc. its exhausting, i just want to let it go. i cant sleep well, i wake up several times during the night and when i wake up, i immediately start thinking about that stuff. + +it got better since 2 months ago because im on antidepressants now and doing therapy but im really, really tired.","i cant get rid of intrusive, repetitive thoughts, 24/7 in my head",4 +859,"For some time now I’ve been overthinking a lot, it’s mostly when I’m in bed about to go to sleep. It’s like my mind is going 1000 mph and I can’t stop it. It sucks and I lose hours of sleep cos of it. If anyone knows some tips or tricks that can help me please let me know.",How to stop overthinking?,4 +860,"So I think, I don't like to tell people about the hard work I am doing. Ex: waking up early, following a schedule, working out. And a few days ago, I told this friend that I have started following a new schedule. They were thoroughly impressed. But I keep feeling uneasy about it, almos guilty. Has anyone felt this? How do I get over this?",Feeling weird since I told my friend about my progress. Why?,4 +861,"About a month ago I (F 25) had (what I think) was a panic attack. I’ve gone through childhood physical and emotional abuse and traumatic events in adult hood (family member has tired to take their life a few times) but I have resisted the idea of getting professional help for myself since I was 11/12 and have only opened up about 90% with my long term boyfriend. + +In 2017 I was at an all time low and was feeling like life wasn’t worth it and felt numb to the world. One night after going for dinner with work friends I was walking home and collapsed on the ground. I was conscious but felt so numb my body and mind just gave up there and then. Some people came to help me and called an ambulance for me. When the paramedics arrived the shook me and got me on a bed I didn’t talk but could hear them. I suddenly snapped out of it when they rolled me into the ambulance and started crying. The paramedic pricked me with a needle on my finger to test me for something. It hurt and was unexpected. They said they had to take me to the hospital to check me out but I was sure in my head that nothing was physically wrong with me. I got to the hospital and was so embarrassed and ashamed that I told staff I should leave and I went home. I was so incredibly embarrassed and ashamed and still am. How dare I just let all that happen when I wasn’t an emergency and what if someone somewhere needed help and was dying. I just don’t understand why didn’t snap out of it. + +Fast forward to a month ago. I was at first aid training (ironically) and that machine that pricks your finger was brought out to show us. The instructor used it on his own hand. I remembered immediately what I had done in 2017 and all the feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment came rushing back. I didn’t think much of it and we moved onto what the readings of the blood would tell you. I suddenly started feeling my hands sweat and a hotness covered my hands and seemed to radiate throughout my whole body and face. I was taking notes and my hand became so weak I couldn’t keep writing. Then I realised my hands were shaking uncontrollably. At this point I was thinking it was in my head but then my heart started racing sooo incredibly fast. I was still sure it was in my head as all I could think about was that I’m not someone who faints at the sight of blood. Then I started feeling like I was going to faint and to my embarrassment I had to stick my hand up and say in-front of the class I was not feeling well. I got up and staggered outside the room and sat on a chair. The instructor followed me , clearly concerned. I then started thinking I was having a heart attack and was about to die. I genuinely started thinking what is everyone going to think if I die right here, my boyfriend, my family. I was telling the instructor that I don’t normally faint and that I felt weird and that my pulse was fast. The instructor took my pulse and told me to slow my breathing (hadn’t even noticed how fast and heavy I was breathing). Soon as he told me that I started calming down and thought if he’s not worried about me dying then maybe I’m not. I started feeling much better after that. At the end of the class he said he reckons it was ‘a little bit of anxiety’. + +Was that a panic attack? Whatever it was it scared me. Since then I’ve had 6 more with varying degrees but the first was the worst. This has pushed me to tell my doctor I need to speak to someone as I’m scared it’s going to happen in public and now I’m being referred to therapy so I’m not diagnosed with anything yet so am clueless. Sorry for the long post.",Did I have a panic attack?,4 +862,Any success stories? I am struggling.,Can you graduate with an anxiety disorder?,4 +863,does anyone else get so much anxiety from texting? i struggle so much with texting people and it’s something that seems so minor and simple but it brings me so much anxiety. i always end up “ghosting” everyone i text.,texting anxiety,4 +864,"Does anyone else have anxiety attacks over small things of repetitive nature? Like for example I can have a full on attack when my bf picks or pulls at his beard. Or when someone is tapping their fingers or legs. It seems like I get triggered by other people’s coping mechanisms. + +This has been extremely frustrating because my bf has this habit when he is anxious and not even realizing it and it’s causing my to have attacks and then I am zorped and on edge. And he is constantly on edge trying to look out for me. + +We are trying different things like closing doors, and both trying to be mindful but I would really like help on how to manage and treat it. Does anyone else share a similar experience? + +I am also currently in therapy and working on it but she doesn’t have any experience with this and am beginning to give up.",(Trigger Warning) Does anyone else get an anxiety attack when… Is it just me? Anyone have advice on how to manage/ treat?,4 +865,"I've spent most of my life craving sympathy and understanding from others, hoping someone would notice my struggles and help me but even when people do try to help me i shut down. i don't want to burden others with my problems and ik not everyone knows how to comfort someone who is experiencing extreme anxiety or a panic attack. but even when i turn down others help i still sit here going ""wow i wish someone would help me. why is no one noticing that I'm struggling?"" it's so stupid and contradicting in my head and i have no clue how to even begin to get over it.",wanting to be seen,4 +866,"Over the past few weeks the relationship with one of my roommates has soured and we are debating taking him to court for coercion and withholding of owned money. While I’m not going to be the one taking him to court, the tension in the home has caused me an incredible amount of stress and anxiety. I’ve been having chest pain, heart palpitations, and often feel like I’m breathing through a straw. + +I can’t move out for about a month yet and I’m trying to manage this stress the best I can, but it keeps piling up and getting worse. I don’t feel comfortable in my home or room unless the door is locked, but hearing them walk around really spiked my anxiety. + +My sleep is getting worse and I’ve been waking up with anxiety attacks. I don’t have anywhere else I can go to escape this, and I just want to feel even slightly better. I don’t feel comfortable even making myself food because they’re always in the shared living spaces. + +Does anyone have any advice for how I can manage my stress/anxiety during this difficult time?",How Can I Manage My Stress In These Situations?,4 +867,"Hello everyone I just want to vent about a few things here. I’m about 17 right now about to turn 18 in a few months. When covid hit and we had to stay at home for weeks I thought it was cool, playing games all the time with my friends, sleeping in , watching Netflix whenever. But I was wrong, I don’t know if others feel like this but I feel like after covid hit my life went downhill. I never used to have social anxiety or anxiety in general but I do now, it was way worse in the beginning and it’s a bit better now fast forwarding 3 years. + +I never used to overthink but I do now, I feel like covid and the at home lockdown has just changed me completely.",Covid 19,4 +868,"I’m a former alcoholic who has been experiencing very uncomfortable symptoms since I quit in October. Liver area pain, dizziness, no libido, orthostatic hypotension, heart rate spiking out of control. I think I have cirrhosis even though two GI docs who have seen me don’t think I do, i think they are overlooking my symptoms and misdiagnosing me. I have looked at the scans myself and I see pretty clear signs of cirrhosis. + +I just don’t know what to do. I’m about to send my scans to a second opinion radiology service online, but I can’t bring myself to do it because I don’t want to find out I have cirrhosis. + +I had so much going for me, I have one more year of medical school and now all those dreams are gone. I’m never going to be a doctor. My physical symptoms aren’t getting better. My only relief now is when I take a Xanax at night or when I’m asleep. + +When I’m asleep in my dreams I am doing the things I love, living my life carefree, then I wake up and am faced with the reality that I’m going to die of liver disease because I couldn’t stop drinking. I hate myself so much.","I’m losing my mind, I don’t want to die",4 +869,"I have been having a horrible last few weeks and I was starting to consider therapy. my issue is that I think i dont need it or im not messed up enough to have it. deep down i know it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it can be really beneficial. but i just go through periods where i am fine and chill and then i get triggered and I go into a awful anxiety/depression for about a week or two where i cant eat, sleep, focus. and then i’m back to feeling normal. this one i’m in right now was especially bad where i ended up loosing 5 pounds in 2 weeks. i haven’t been able to socialize like normal and i’m getting scared i’m gonna loose my friends since i have barely been talking or even acknowledging them bc i am so trapped in my head. + +idk one part of me is saying how it would be easier to just not get help and i can get myself out if it since i’ve done it before but another part is telling me to go to therapy. i’m only 15 so this is all new and freaking me out. everything just feel so different and weird and scary. sometimes i wish i could just go back a few years. it’s crazy how bad it got jsut over the course of a few months. i feel like it’s my fault. + +sorry for the long post. any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated! hope everyone has a good rest of their day!",Nervous about asking/going to therapy.,4 +870,"Does anyone else feel so stressed and anxious all the time that when they get in social settings they are seen as neurotic because they are so loud and energetic, but also say weird things and then think about how embarrassing that was over and over? Just looking to not feel so alone because I feel annoying, but also if someone has tips on how to be calm that would be great thanks. + +When I am alone I use all this energy in a productive way to do my job or chores around the house but when im with people I word-vomit or say bad jokes, or quite literally bounce off the walls.",High energy,4 +871,"I have developed anxiety while driving + +Im 26 and started driving since 16 + +I had a serious work injury over 3 years ago that resulted in my fingers being amputated in the hospital. + +I do not drive as frequently at all before + +But 2 years mark I notice that I became a little tensed up, anxious while driving + +Up to NOW I shake while driving and it only happens when I drive and if it gets bad enough I’ll kinda feel like imma pass out but never have (Thank God) + +This is absolutely defeating and horrible for me as I used to drive heavy duty class vehicles w/ big trailers everyday, even heavy equipment. + +I use to drive to the ends of the earth and back when I used to work so this is just completely unreal to me how I feel now + +Cant even drive my boat with my dad on the lake (although its not as bad as driving on the road) + + +Now I cant even make it to the store without taking side roads avoiding congested traffic, drive late in the night + +Family ask me for favours driving to the store and such and i just get things delivered…. + +Thoughts suggestions? + +I always had anxiety, Idk if its just evolving as Im getting older. + +I have bought some aswagandha but haven’t taken it yet as Im trying to push back naturally from using it. + +Thanks all","Please Help , Experiencing Anxiety while driving :(",4 +872," **TL;DR: Having very mixed feelings over a reunion that I was not invited to but I feel I should have been, plus a former friend who socially traumatized me was invited** + +Backstory: I am a pro player at a certain game. I went viral on YouTube and Reddit (different profile). The game's official YouTube channel's video of my gameplay has over 5M views and is the third most-viewed video on the channel. I had worked with the game's PR on stuff in the past and was always welcome at events and such. + +I befriended many other players of this game over social media. I deactivated Facebook in early 2021 because I realized my mental health issues were showing and people were leaving group chats because of me and even unfriending me. I decided to deactivate before I ruined any friendships that meant a lot to me. I still maintain strong friendships with many of my fellow players. + +For many years, the makers of the game said that they would never do a tournament or any kind of ""bring together the best players"" event because the player base is just too large and because the game is very luck-based (but if you're like me, you can sort of manipulate your odds). This year, a new person was put in charge of the game and they have decided to finally have a special event reuniting ""fan favorite"" players in person, most of whom went viral in the same way I did. + +15 people were invited, and I was not one of them. The day the invitations went out, I got several messages from fellow players asking me, ""Did you get invited to the thing?"". Many in the community were shocked I was not, and one of them said ""They're missing out without you"". When I found out this was happening, I started trembling with anxiety for multiple reasons. One being that I was overthinking why I wasn't invited and paranoia that I may be blacklisted (I have been very vocal about the game's flaws on social media). One thing that got me was that around the time my gameplay was posted, I was often grouped with two other great players in promotional stuff and we were kind of like the de-facto ""GOAT trio""; we were the top three viewed videos on the YouTube channel at the time, though a couple have snuck between us since then. These two people were both invited to the reunion event. I am so happy for those who were invited and I'm trying to convince myself that not everyone could get this opportunity, but I can't help but feel hurt and worried. + +The ""reunion"" happened today, and I purposefully avoided everyone's social media so I wouldn't have to see photos or anything of them hanging out at bars or restaurants and stuff afterwards. I suffer from FOMO big time. I've flown out to events that friends went to just to avoid FOMO, but I didn't have time to fly out for this reunion even to just stop by and say hi. The event is not being publicized until May, so I'm going to have to deal with this feeling again in a couple of months. + +Part of the reason I am anxious about this whole thing is because one of the players who was invited to the reunion is a former close friend of mine. We bonded over the game of course, and his high score blew mine out of the water. We discovered we had a lot in common. He also suffers anxiety and he gave me advice on what meds are better than others; I still take the one he recommended me to this day. We're also both gay, and I found him very attractive (as did many others in our community). Our friendship shattered when I went to visit him in person (across the country) and he showed very manipulative behavior that I was too naive to discern at the time. He purposefully distanced himself from me whenever we were in a room together (e.g. sitting on a different couch) and excluded me from ""parties"" he went to while I was in town to prevent anything sexual happening between us, and lying about them. He had been sending me several pictures of him shirtless and in bed with other guys we knew, knowing it would turn me on, among many other forms of leading me on, but never had the courage to say ""I don't like you like that"". Instead, he let me come all this way and then gaslit me for trying to come on to him, saying it was inappropriate behavior (behavior that he exhibited with other guys right in front of me, and said ""It's different with them"" when I asked). We tried to move on from that experience while staying friends, but then he kept making jokes about me with the other guys and I got tired of it. We haven't spoken in months, and when we did speak, it was only because he had a question about the game. + +I suffered so much social trauma from this person I trusted, and his group of friends who seemed like a Mean Girls Plastics clique that acted polite around me but I later realized they didn't care about me one way or the other. I followed all of them on Instagram and only one followed me back. These people ostracized and humiliated me on top of my friend's various forms of mental and emotional abuse. The trauma only started setting in as months passed and I started crying myself to sleep and sort of ""reenacting"" the day everything happened in my head wishing I was more assertive. Now I get PTSD at the mention of his name, and I deleted almost every picture I took on my trip to meet him. So since he was invited to the reunion, I might have declined if I was invited so I wouldn't have to be in the same room as him, because it would have been so triggering for me and I would not have been able to concentrate on the game. That being said, I would definitely be willing to take a day to have a serious discussion with this person over how he made me feel and maybe we could start over strictly as friends, because I do think he is a good person. + +I really hope come May when the reunion is made public that I don't suffer any more PTSD. I hope I can find some healthy distractions. + +Has anyone ever been in a situation like this involving being excluded from an outing involving a traumatic person from your past?",Having anxiety and PTSD over being excluded from a reunion. Toxic ex-friend who socially traumatized me was invited.,4 +873,"Recently I got a fairly nice gift for a friend's birthday (\~$40 worth) which isn't an extravagant gift, but definitely the nicest gift I've given in this particular friend-group. I was really excited about this gift because I thought it was a good fit for this person. Unfortunately, my excitement for giving this gift turned to anxiety as I became concerned about how such a (relatively) nice gift might be perceived being given to a friend of the opposite sex.... I REALIZE THIS IS COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL.... as most of my anxiety is. + +So this became a trigger for a multi-week bout of extremely high anxiety and this person definitely realized that they were the trigger for it one way or another......... and now it seems like they are at the point that they are starting to get a little freaked out and I'm afraid of losing one of my closest friends. + +I feel the need to apologize or explain..... for making them feel so horrible, but how can you explain this. I'm afraid that talking to them about it will just make it more awkward. Our recent interactions have been cold and awkward. I don't know what to do now.",My anxiety is ruining my personal relationships,4 +874,I’m a senior in high school and this year has flown by so fast. I’ve been dreading graduation since junior year when I realized it was coming up quicker than I thought. I can’t even decide which college to pick(between 2)I’ve always been so indecisive and I’m afraid I might hate it either way. I also have social anxiety so I’m very scared I’ll end up alone but I don’t wanna avoid college because I don’t want to let anxiety win. I also don’t know what to do with myself if I don’t go to college. I feel like after high school my life is bleak. Me and my family have little money and inflation is skyrocketing. I’m afraid I will be poor my whole life. I have depression and low self esteem and have felt hopeless for a while. I’m also scared that I will lose the few friends that I have when I go to college and I’m sure I will have a lot of panic attacks leading up to it. I’m so scared,I’m so terrified for college and my future. What do I do,4 +875,"I'm 21 years old and I don't have my liscence. I've taken the road test three times in the past year, the last time I took it was on Thursday of last week. I bombed. Hard. I made sure I knew everything and what to do, I'm decent for a new driver, I know how to do a three point turn and my parallel parking is great, I drive as much as possible with my mom and I made sure I was extremely prepared. However when I got in the car for the test I was panicking the whole time. I failed almost everything and everything in my brain got jumbled up. (I'm not diagnosed with anxiety, never seen a psychiatrist or been on meds or anything, not how my family is, but I am a deeply deeply anxious person) I don't know how to get past this. My next test is in a couple weeks and I know I'm prepared and can drive and having my liscence would make my life so much easier but I'm so worried I'm never going to get it because of how anxious I get on the test. I just want to know if this is a shared experience and if anyone has any advice or anything. :(",Road Test anxiety,4 +876,"Hello, + +Tomorrow evening I will attend a restaurant gathering with some of my friends. We will stay until late and this makes me feel so anxious. Even though the people I am going with are my friends and I chat with them almost daily, I am still anxious. Just by thinking about it, a feeling in my chest keeps swelling. What should I do, there's no way I can cancel it as well. + +What should I do? I cant seem to find the source of my anxiety.",Feeling anxious even when meeting up with my good friends,4 +877,"It makes me nervous. I have panic attacks every evening before going to bed. Bad ones with pounding heart, pain in chest and fear if death. Psychiatrist recommended light antidepressants. I am nervous from how they might affect me and of potential long withdrawal. I am questioning if they are necessary, but I want get better. It just scares me it is not anything you could ""give a try"" without potential of serious side effects. I am also afraid about the fact you can not use alcohol with them as I go to many social events required by my job and not drinking there might hurt my career. +Sorry if the post is incoherent. I am just nervous. I at least hope it will be useful.",I will start antidepressants tomorrow,4 +878,"I’ve been on disability for anxiety for 20 years I’ve seen this dr for 7 years a month ago he told me all my meds were called in, I called back a month later they said he left to oregon no notice at all, nobody will help me, is there anyplace online that will help? I’ve seen a few but look like scams, it’s dangerous to quit this medication all at once, any advice is appreciated I’m really scared, I’m a single dad just getting everything together and he is messing up my life",Scared dr left me no notification,4 +879,"Hello +Long story short. I have suffer from panic disorder for Years. A little generalized anxiety and depression as well. I’ve been on every ssri / snri there is! Some worked enough to keep the attacks at bay but at the exchange for night sweats, low libido , tired. My doc has now suggested I try this med instead of an antidepressant bc I am not getting the best results on them. But of course I googled it and it says for bipolar so it scares me. Has anyone taken/ been prescribed this with out having bipolar and how did it work ? Thanks for any insights !!!",Lamictal for anxiety / panic with out bipolar,4 +880,"Last year my anxiety was minimal because of covid and not being in high school (grade 8) I didn’t go as much, but this year having to go and pass was a lot worse and took a toll on me and my mental health causing a lot of anxiety and depression. The first semester was so bad and I remember that’s when everything stopped feeling real and I got bad derealization. I remember in class when it got bad being convinced everyone was working for the government to track me down and control me. Later next semester it mellowed down still nothing feels real idk what real feels like or is anymore. The only major difference is my mind is foggy and I am not depressed anymore for some reason. I also get mind delusions I snap out of fast. But I recently started seeing shadow people and cars speeding towards me. I also started hearing very minimal voices almost in the halls calling my name, saying just hey or even no if I was thinking something ig I didn’t agree with. I can’t get help my mom wouldn’t approve does anyone have suggestions even on what can help all this.",School anxiety(longer read) 14M,4 +881,"Hello! After dreading going to a psychiatrist for a couple of months I finally got the courage to do it and this is a big step for me. + +The doctor prescribed me Enlift , Xanax and Magnesium (which I've heard good things about it in this subreddit). Ive only ever been prescribed Zoloft, tried it for about 3 months and it didn't work for me so I'm basically going in blind. + +The doctor told me some basic instructions as well as explained how they work but it doesn't ease my anxiety about them, especially Xanax. (I generally get a lot of anxiety about medications tho not just this kind) . I know medications like these aren't a one-size-fits-all but I think it would ease my anxiety to know some of your guys personal experiences with them. I think knowing I'm not alone in this will make it less scary for me, especially with the stigma in my country around any medication for mental health. + +(edit : looked up Enlift and it goes by a lot of other names but Google says it's scientific name is Escitalopram if that's of any help)","Just got prescribed Enlift, Xanax as well as magnesium for my anxiety. Do you guys have any insight on what to expect? Personal experiences?",4 +882,"I have been worried about my heart for 6 weeks now. Had every test and lab done except a cardiac MRI and everything is fine. Had a good 2 weeks and then today out of no where my heart rate got to 201 went down to 120 for 15 min the. Back up to 180 for another 5-10 minutes. This sucks, I'm so worried I have something or just going to die. I'm only 23 and hearing all the news about the V makes it worse... never been anxious before but this heart rate with chest pain sucks.",Sucks..,4 +883,"Does anybody's anxiety present with just the following symptoms: + +Chest Tightness + +Tightness in the front of the neck and under the chin + +Light-headedness/Dizziness + +Feeling Faint/Like I may pass out + +Nausea + +These are the symptoms I've been feeling. I don't really seem to have an impending sense of fear or doom when these things happen, but I will say they are triggered by talking about my condition, or just general stress, but sometimes they happen for no reason at all. I have just been sitting watching TV, playing a video game, or scrolling through Reddit and they've happened. + +I've been to the ER three times at two different hospitals in the past week with these symptoms (in addition to high blood pressure) and all three times, my blood work and ECG have been normal. + +I need to add, a lot of these symptoms got worse when lying down, and got better when sitting up or walking. + +In light of that last detail, the ER doctors said ""it's just GERD"" and sent me home with orders for a PPI medication and a Blood Pressure medication. + +Well, the GERD has improved, and all the symptoms I've listed above have improved as well but haven't gone away. + +I'm seeing an anxiety doctor later this week, and out of an abundance of caution, a cardiologist later next month (soonest they could get me in) + +*Another detail: I received a call from the doctor earlier telling me my cholesterol was high and my potassium was a little high from the Lisinopril (BP med) so they started me on a diuretic and a cholesterol medication. As soon as I got off the phone with that news, I instantly started feeling the pressure in my neck and chest... This is what leads me to believe my symptoms are anxiety related. + +TL:DR - Asking about all of your symptoms to see if mine line up with anxiety or not.",Questions for new anxiety sufferer...,4 +884,"Anyone who suffers from any type of anxiety should take the time to search this wonderful lady who was ahead of her time regarding anxiety. + +Her name was Claire Weekes. You can search on YouTube and there are videos of her talking about how anxiety affects people AND how to cope/face it/understand it/treat it.... whatever you want to call it. + +A must see if you are in need of relief from anxious thoughts and or physical anxious sensations that are keeping you from living your best life. + +Hope this helps someone.",THIS LADY EXPLAINS ANXIETY TO THE T!,4 +885,"I had some trouble with some friends, and now, there are some things that remind me of them. How can I solve this?",How can I forget someone?,4 +886,I constantly feel like it’s difficult to breathe (sometimes it goes away then it comes back again). I can’t go to the doctor (I know they’ll just tell me what they told me two years ago: that I’m fine/there’s nothing wrong) but this issue has gotten annoying.,How can you tell if your shortness of breath and chest discomfort is anxiety or something else???,4 +887,I'm (trying) to write a book and I found a good potential epigraph quote from an article on a topic related to my (potential) book. I emailed the author and asked for permission to use it.,"I managed to overpower my anxiety and send an email to a complete stranger. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but it's progress for me",4 +888,"this is going to sound so stupid lol but basically i am going to centre parcs with my boyfriend soon and he really wants to go on the tropical cyclone water slide. i have been on it twice, a couple months back at a different centre parcs and i was ok- i did panic and stop breathing the first time, the second time i only stopped breathing for a second lol. Anyways i’m basically asking for advice because I am so worried about this i’m losing sleep and i literally think about it everyday. on the bus a couple days ago my chest felt really heavy and my throat felt all small because I was just thinking about going on the slide. it’s so annoying as i don’t want to seem boring and i’ll be sad if i don’t go on it, however I am terrified! Not even that scared of the slide more scared of the panic. I hate my brain. Any advice?",water slide,4 +889,"I absolutely hate when this happens but I always cry wnv I'm in an argument,doesn't matter with who. +I especially hate it when I cry in front of people I barely know +Why doess this happenn, is it an anxiety thing??",Crying while arguing,4 +890,"What’s up with that?! Or like “oh you’re thinking about this thing and you’re not anxious, this should make you anxious”.. then I’m anxious, and carry that anxiety with that thought in the future. + +Almost all of the time these thoughts are not based in reality also. I have a severe fear of the sky for example and suffer with agoraphobia, I can’t go on public transport alone either. I seem to be okay once my partner is there - in my mind he’s there so I don’t need to be anxious. Or I’m indoors and the curtains are pulled over so I don’t need to be anxious about the sky. + +Anyway I just don’t understand why my brain does this, it’s completely ruined my life.",It’s like my brain looks for thoughts to attach anxiety to,4 +891,"A few years back I decided to change my horrible diet and gain weight. I didn’t realise if at the time but my diet was so bad. I once went a whole day with just eating a single yoghurt and hadn’t realised how BAD that was. Well, last year…or the year before? I made an effort to force myself to eat and increase my appetite. It worked. I’ve gained weight and I’m happy. Well, I could be happier by gaining more weight but I have a fast metabolism so I’m ‘comfortable’ with my weight. + +Anyways, last week I got a bug that has now lowered my appetite and I’ve barely eaten anything since then. I’ve now become suddenly conscious that my appetite has gone again and I need to train my stomach to eat more yet again. It’s gonna take me a few days or a week but I know I can do it. It’s just making me anxious at the moment because every time I eat I get full very quick just like I used to. So this next week may or may not be a pain while I get my appetite back up.",Gaining my appetite back,4 +892,,How was your first panic attack?,4 +893,"i used to be cool and popular and girls would even msg me out of the blue on fb, 10 years later... + +i have no family, 0 friends, 0 relationships and can't hold a job. + +im gonna be 24 this year for christ sake and i can't do anything. + +i want to end my life but im scared of the pain, i wish i had a gun or atleast a for sure method. + +im not scared of dying im scared of the pain moments before",anxiety destroyed my life. im already dead,4 +894,I’ve (F 25) been through childhood trauma and am soon to have my first therapy session. I wondered if crying at emotive videos is normal? I cry everyday at something I watch. I’m not sure if I purposely find something emotional to watch subconsciously or if my feed just gives me more of the same. Is this weird?,Why do I cry so easily ? Is it normal?,4 +895,"Has anyone had head tingling/numbness with anxiety? I spent the last 15 minutes freaking out because I woke up today feeling somewhat very anxious. A few minutes later, I felt this crawling/tingling feeling that started from my left temple to the back of head. It comes and goes and boy.....the panic I felt with it was the icing on top of the cake. There's no pain whatsoever, but just a weird sensation that makes me feel like the left side of my head is going numb. + +This is the first time it's happened to me. I have been somewhat anxious these past few days (about my health), so I'm not sure if that is the trigger? I don't have any headaches whatsoever. And I'm refraining from googling because I know whatever I'm reading is gonna aggravate my anxiety. But my brain has decided that it's best to jump to the worst case scenario 🫠 I'm trying to keep calm because I know if I let my thoughts run loose, it's going to make me feel worse. + +But I'm really wondering if it's the stress/anxiety causing it. My neck/shoulders feel relatively fine, so I don't think it's a pulled muscle or tension.",Tingling in side/back of head,4 +896,Are all of these bad for anxiety or do you know of something that are good?,Marijuana vape cartridges,4 +897,"I (F 25) was physically, emotionally and sexually abused in my childhood by a woman. I’ve always found it hard to open up to woman and have never been able to trust them. I have a few close friends that are women but I end up seeing all the negative in them and not the positive and become paranoid they want to manipulate me. I want to feel a strong genuine bond with girls, I really do, but I just can’t.",Will I ever be able to trust women?,4 +898,I got this drink called “Electrolit” because it seemed “healthy” and I’m wondering if it’s good for anxiety? I worry it might cause me to feel really anxious after drinking it. Has anyone drank it and felt better?,Electrolit Electrolyte Beverage good for anxiety?,4 +899,"Hi guys , so I do suffer from anxiety since a long span of time, but this time around before some exams i decided to consult a doctor. He recommended starting with 40 mg propanalol and I took it for 6 days and was depressed as fuck , I communicated this to him and mentioned that there is no way that I am continuing with it. He somehow agreed and asked me start with 5 mg nexito. After stopping propanalol the depressive episodes subsided but I am having these treomors , shaking and sort of twitching which is extreme and I have never experienced anything of that sort before. I would like to know of people's experiences here in the hope of some insight.",Propanalol,4 +900,"I always crack my neck and have been doing it for years, but now i read that multiple young people below 28 died of strokes because they tore a vein when they cracked their neck :( + +I just cracked it before i read that and now i have a really bad headache on the right side and in the articles they say it took a week for the actual stroke to happen after the artery got damaged, i am so scared of strokes litteraly the first sign of my anxiety disorder were stroke symptoms that i went to the hospital with + +I hate it i wish i never read about this, now i feel everything in my neck and i keep checking for blue or red spots in the mirror, and i keep touching the veins to feel if there is a bump or anything. + +Man i don't want to die like this i only cracked my neck, people do that all the time right??",I read that poppig your neck can cause a stroke and now i'm freaking out,4 +901,"I’ve been on tik tok since 2020 and I think it has affected me more, like I can’t stop watching even if I want to, does anyone else also feel like this?",Is it me or tik tok makes anxiety worse?,4 +902,,"Anyone got any success stories or advice for treatmeant of severe panic and anxiety , I can't take much more 😪",4 +903,"Music used to be a great way for me to destress and focus on something else, but now every time I turn on music, of any kind, wether it be classical, metal, pop, soul, raises my anxiety levels to no end. Anyone else experience this ?",Why does music make me anxious now ?,4 +904,,Opinion? Should I get a deep tissue massage or dry needling for my mid trapezius knot,4 +905,"having a tough go of it today. I have GAD but today I feel super terrible. I don't want to get into it but I made a big mistake and its going to cost me money. Really hate myself right now. I know I Should be in therapy but I Can't afford it, even more so after this mistake. + +what is the best substitute for therapy? One that is cheaper or free. That helps with anxiety or just like mental health in general. thanks in advance. I am so over life right now, looking for some hope","best substitute for therapy, looking for hope",4 +906,"I keep having nights where no matter what, nothing seems to help. I have a partner who is super supportive, friends who are super ready to help and be there to hang out. + +However, I keep having days where literally nothing is working, whether it's getting some air and smoking, taking Pregabalin, drinking to a dangerous extent or really anything else. There's this very deep sense of dread and a strong urge to end things that I just can't escape from. + +I'm just terrified because I end up just losing control and ending up rocking in a corner mumbling to myself about how I want to end it before passing out to wake up again and try to battle it. I keep having nightmares of disassociating and doing something terrible. + +I can't maintain myself anymore and I'm considering admitting myself. I'm just unsure if I wanna be trapped without people to support me, stuck with people who are probably worse than me.",What to do when nothing is working?,4 +907,"TL;DR: Dad gave me edible without my knowledge/consent, I had a really bad trip, now I don't know how to deal with it. + +Hey, not sure if this is the best place to post this. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for exactly - to vent? To know if someone had a similar experience? I don't know. + +Last month I was staying at my dad's house. One night, I was sitting in the living room while he and his wife were in the kitchen nearby. I wasn't paying any attention to them; I was playing a video game on my dad's laptop. I had headphones on, with one ear uncovered because I was also watching The Simpsons. So I didn't know what they were talking about. + +My dad came up to me and held out what seemed to be this gummy candy. I don't remember if I asked what it was; whether I did or not, he was just like ""Try it."" Now, the thing about my dad is that this sort of thing isn't unusual; I'm used to him making me try weird foods and such. So, perhaps foolishly, I ate it without really questioning it (it tasted vile). It was only after I had already swallowed it that he told me it was an edible. + +Now, another thing about him is that a lot of times he likes to mess with me. Once, when I was a teenager, for example, he gave me a drink and told me it had alcohol when it really didn't. So I wasn't sure if he was lying or not. I knew he and his wife sometimes took edibles, I just...didn't know they had any at the time. I had never done drugs before, and I don't think I would have eaten it if I had known. + +After that, he and his wife went to bed. About an hour or so passed, then it began kicking in. I started feeling dizzy, and I got kind of scared, so I went into their bedroom and I asked my dad if it really was an edible. He said ""No."" This was a lie, but obviously I didn't know it at the time. + +I decided the best thing to do was try to get some sleep. There was only one bedroom, so I had been sleeping on a mattress in the corner. So I was lying there, crying because I had no idea if what I was feeling was because I was high or if it was all in my head. + +My dad's wife was also high, and she started talking to me. I started laughing, things got kind of funny...I started talking about all of my interests (much to my dad's annoyance, as he was trying to sleep), and I said some really embarrassing things (I later found out he had recorded at least most of what I said...well, yelled, 'cause apparently when I'm high I get really loud). I have selective mutism, so I tend to have a lot of trouble talking if I'm not really comfortable (it's gotten better over the years, but my dad is convinced that I don't actually have it or something)... + +Anyway, at some point, I fell asleep and had a horrible nightmare. It's hard to describe, but it involved me forgetting everything...my life, my interests, the people I knew and the world around me...I dreamt that my dad knew I was going to forget it all, and I remember the fear I felt in the nightmare. Just that feeling of...""Why? Why would he do this to me?"" I tried to recall faces - mine, my dad's, a musician I have a crush on (yeah, weird, I know)...and everything was warped, grotesque. Everything became a black void (you know that scene in Spongebob where Squidward's in that ""Alone"" place? Kind of like that, except black instead of white). I began thinking that maybe I had died, or was dying, and that this horrible void was the afterlife. + +I woke up sobbing and screaming ""Oh God!""/""Oh Lord!"" over and over (and also yelling at my dad ""How could you do this to me!?"" and ""I will never forgive you!"") He and his wife got me up from the mattress and had me drink some water. Everything during this part and afterwards felt like a dream that I was trying to wake up from. + +My dad made me some oatmeal and put on some songs by one of my favorite artists (American Murder Song). In my disoriented state, I remember thinking that the first song he put on was familiar, and that if I could just hang on to that familiar feeling everything would hopefully be okay. I vaguely remember singing along to the songs. + +After I ate he put on one of my favorite movies (Repo! The Genetic Opera) and left me in the living room. I remember it being on, but it felt almost like I was half asleep or something throughout. I was just anxious and confused, and I was trying to focus on the movie but I kept...I don't know, it was like going in and out of consciousness or something. There's a scene towards the end of the movie where the main character falls unconscious and I remember vaguely wondering if perhaps I was actually her (I'm a guy, not that it mattered to my drugged self) and that I would wake up and the movie would be reality. + +Apparently, I also sang along to the whole move, but I don't remember this (my dad came into the room to check on me at some point and he said I seemed to be having a great time, but I know I really wasn't). I do remember, however, that at some point I threw up all over myself. After the movie, I told my dad I threw up and he was mad that I was too disoriented to clean it up myself. By this point, about six hours had passed since I had taken the edible. I remember being so confused I asked him what day it was. After that, I went back to sleep. + +The next day, my dad told me that it really was an edible...so I did feel somewhat relieved that it was actually a drug that was making me feel that way. But for about three days afterward I still felt the affects of it...and for about a week or so I kept experience derealization. + +My dad's reason for giving me the edible...he said he thought it would make me talk more...which it did, but it was humiliating. Apparently, he and his wife had talked about what was in it before he gave me the edible, but (as my cousin pointed out to me) it's strange to just assume that I'd be paying attention to a conversation that I wasn't even part of, even if I was in the room. So he apparently thought I knew what it was... + +I wasn't able to go home immediately (he lives in another state so he had to buy a plane ticket and all that), but when I eventually did I told my mom what happened. She's furious at my dad, though neither of us have spoken to him about it. I talked to my therapist about it recently, but her reaction seemed...dismissive (like, she thought it was cool that it made me talk about my interests, but again...I had no consent). + +So here I am, exactly a month after it happened...I still experience derealization if I think about it (parts of the nightmare I mentioned I literally only remembered last night...). I just...I don't know how I'm going to get over this. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to, for example, watch ""Repo!"" again...just recently I listened to one of the songs my dad had put on and it gave me a weird feeling in my stomach. I'm trying to decide whether or not to cut ties with my dad...(this isn't the first time I've thought about it, to be honest, but I'm seriously considering it now). I just know now that thinking about that nightmare still terrifies me...",A month ago I was drugged without my consent (long post)...,4 +908,"I have to get a cyst removed and I've never had surgery before. I will be awake and the procedure will take about 30 mins. I have anxiety about hospitals, blood, and everything that has to do with invasive medical procedures. What can I think of or do when I'm laying down for 30 minutes staring at the ceiling to ease my anxiety?",What to do when sitting awake through a surgery? how do I distract myself?,4 +909,"So my grandpa had a stroke a bit back and hasn’t gotten much better. My teacher is his neighbor so he’s been asking about him. Today he said something and I couldn’t hear so I said, “What do you mean?” without thinking instead of saying I didn’t hear him. Then he said something like, “Well he’s my neighbor and we’ve had some times together by my pond.” Now I’m thinking he may have said something along the lines of “Did you tell your grandpa about me?” or something similar and that makes my response sound super rude.",I couldn’t hear what someone said today and now I’m scared I sounded rude.,4 +910,"hi , im taking these two together. any experience with either ?? luvox seeems to be upsetting my gut.",luvox and lithium?,4 +911,"For about a decade I’ve been getting some pretty bad anxiety. I was diagnosed with depression and was prescribed two different types of antidepressants that supposedly were supposed to help, but did slim to nothing. I’ve tried meditating, taking prescriptions as I said above, thinking very minuscule and nonstressful thoughts but keep coming up short. I feel like this is going to consume my life until I can’t deal with it anymore. Please help I’m currently having some pretty weird anxiety right now.",Random spurts of horrible anxiety,4 +912,"This entire day, from the moment I woke up, I got a crippling feeling of impending doom, and this has been happening for a few days. It's debilitating, I stand frozen in my bed scared that if I move I'll die, anyone else feeling like this? As the day went on and I met some friends it got better, but I'm now getting racing thoughts that are so random and incoherent and they're making me panic like I will lose my mind and die and like I'm not real and I keep wondering what's happening and stuff, i don't know if it's ever gotten this bad, please help","Hello community, I'm going through a really rough time and I would appreciate it if you could comment some ways you guys deal with your extreme anxiety",4 +913,"Yesterday I attended my boyfriend's cousin's wedding and wore a short cream-colored dress with a black pattern. The color literally did not occur to me when I got dressed. I picked it because I felt bloated and it was flowy, and that's as far as my brain got. + +At the reception, my boyfriend's mom spilled red wine on my dress. As I tried to dab out the stain, I caught myself saying ""see, this is why I never wear white""--and then it hit me. I spiraled into an anxiety attack and left the reception to go back to my hotel to change. I felt like such an asshole, such an idiot, and I still can't shake that feeling. + +I sat in the second-to-last row at the ceremony, at the very end of the row away from the aisle -- thank God. It was a casual wedding. People were there in jeans. No one said anything to me. And it was genuinely an accident. A very stupid accident. But it was also my first time meeting my boyfriend's extended family, and I'm now convinced they all hate me. I can't think about anything else. I feel like such a fuckup, like I'm a bad person. + +Logically, I know it's not the end of the world. I know if THAT was my biggest asshole move in recent memory, I'm doing OK. But I don't FEEL any of that. Self-forgiveness seems truly impossible with anxiety sometimes.",I accidentally wore white to a wedding and can't stop shame-spiraling -- Self-forgiveness with anxiety,4 +914,"I’ve been having really bad twitching / muscle spasms as a side effect to strattera, so my doctor is prescribing me gabapentin. I’ve heard people say gabapentin helps anxiety too but I want to know how it works and how long it takes to help anxiety.",Gabapentin for anxiety?,4 +915,yeah. i keep missing calls about jobs or even more important stuff and i hate myself so much for it. i just get so anxious and start to panic and i just...can't answer. and its got to a point where im just constantly nervous because i'm scared that at any moment someones gonna call me. has anyone else had a similar issue and if so any tips? 😭,i keep missing important phonecalls because im too anxious,4 +916,"Ever since Friday I’ve been freaking out, convincing myself I have appendicitis, sepsis, heart attack, etc, I used to have bad health anxiety back in 2021 but it started to heavily fade one day and almost completely disappeared, now it’s all coming back and I don’t know how to do deal with this, for over a year now I’ve been telling myself “thank lord that time is over, I don’t know how I dealt with that” and now its all coming back and I’m scared, I don’t want to be constantly anxious again I can’t go back to that time it drove me crazy all I wanted to do was sleep because when I was awake I was in constant pain and fear, please fuck no not again, I’m already going crazy obsessing over the thought of it hitting its peak again fuckkkk why can’t I just be happy???",All my health anxiety is coming back and I’m freaking out.,4 +917,"I'm embarrassed to be alive. I am an absolute failure. + +The past 3 or so years I've been unemployed. You may think I'm so lazy which is fair. But I've been on medication that made me so numb it was impossible to care about anything. I couldn't sleep properly and had severe insomnia. How could I work like that + +Now I'm off of medication and my anxiety is 90000% worse. I somehow sleep longer. But get the worst intrusive thoughts to touch outlets to see if it will kill me or not. And gives me an adrenaline rush. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I at this point wish I wasn't even born. I was not meant for this life + +I can't function or hold a job. Is this really the rest of my life ro just be on disability. Because if thats the case I'd rather be gone",I don't know if I can do this anymore,4 +918,"Does anyone also feels like this anxiety won’t ever go away? I (17 M) had my first panic attack about 2 months ago and I have never been the same since then, I’m going to therapy and haven’t been prescribed with meds yet, sometimes I feel better than others, but the most minimum thing will give me so much anxiety.",Tired,4 +919,"Hey i was wondering how often can you get anxiety symptoms, hourly? Once a day? Once a weak? Ive been having this issue but my doctors keep telling me is just anxiety, and i get this every hour of the days + +Lightheaded, Extreme hunger, shortness of breath, vomiting or nausea, my arms start to feel light like feathers or a weird feeling not tingling tho, hot flashes, heart rises, etc, tho my heart doesnt rise constantly only when my symptoms get bad and i get worried, i check my blood sugar and everytime this happens is at 95 mg/dl ive told this to my doc but he keeps telling me is just anxiety, like i said this happens everyhour all the symptoms everyday for a year now and it doesnt go away until i drink juice or sugary stuff but he said that thats my coping mechanism lol, i find out after a long time im insulin resistant but i dont know if this could be the cause. What are your symptoms of anxiety?",How often do you get anxiety symptoms?,4 +920,"By tomorrow night, I (21 y/o UK university student) have to email my dissertation supervisor a draft of what I have written so far; the deadline is in May and he wants to give me some feedback before the upcoming Easter break. But the problem is that I haven't written anything. At all. I've collated dozens of pages of general notes, vague ideas and research over the last few months, but I don't have a clue what to do with it, or where to start. + +I've written probably hundreds of assessments and essays in my life, and until a few weeks ago, I had not failed a single one of them. But a few weeks ago, my motivation, self-belief and general ability to work (which were all low to begin with anyway) just stopped altogether. I had deadlines for two course module assessments within a week of each other, and I missed both of them. For one of the first times in my education, I had not only failed with work, but I had failed to even complete the work. I missed the first one because I had zero interest in, knowledge of or care for the subject, because I kept procrastinating, and because it's possible that I have ADHD (I don't want to know about this, but I think I have it). I missed the second one because of the same reasons, and because I failed the first one, so it didn’t make a difference if I missed the second one. + +Since I got the email last week from my supervisor that I have to send him whatever I've been working on by tomorrow (Tuesday), I've not only not been working on the dissertation, but I've detached myself from it almost completely. I don’t like thinking about it. I keep distracting myself from it (literally and mentally) because I don't want to do it. The subject itself interests me (it was my choice after all) and i’ve done a lot of research (too much I think) and every time I ever doubt my work ability like this (which is every time i’ve ever done an assessment in my three years at university) it usually turns out alright, but I can't see how this one — of course, the most important one — will end in anything other than failure. So I’ve come all this way — from the start of uni three years ago, from the start of reception 17 years ago — and I've always, at the very least, managed to succeed. But now of all times is when it stops. + +I’m aware that every student who has ever tried to write a university thesis has had these doubts at some time, or a lot of the time. But that makes me feel all the more incapable. Because those students have all, and will all, get through it, and I know that I won't. I look around the university library that I'm currently writing this in, and all I see is people working; they’re focused, self-disciplined, and content to be here. But I’m not one of them. I know that I don’t belong here, and I don’t like it here. I really don't like coming here. But I come here nevertheless. I'm sitting here wasting more time on something that I don't have to do, that I shouldn't be doing, but I'm doing nevertheless. Because I think a part of me actually wants to fail. I don't know why anyone would want that, especially me; I've always feared failure — the confirmation of it by my university and parents; the consequences of it practically and emotionally — and that's what’s driven me to always succeed with my work in education. I've only ever done that work because I fear the consequences of not doing it. I do it because I have to, never because I wanted to. I've always been like this. + +So why am I here then? If you never enjoyed school or college (which i didn't) then why did you actively decide to go to university? Hmm. Maybe because I thought I had to (not because I wanted to pursue a career — I have absolutely no ambition at all). And it was partly because the idea of getting a job after I left college at 18 seemed completely impossible (I've suffered from social anxiety for most of my life; the basics of social interaction are overwhelming to me). But mostly, it was because I didn't think any of it through. I didn't want to think it through at all. My parents thought I could maybe go to this university, so I just said okay. I didn't even look into the university at all, and I didn't consider any others. The reason that I do this is because I hate thinking about the future — short, medium and long term. Whenever people ask me about the future, whether it’s “where do you see yourself in five years”, “what do you want to do with your life"" or even simply “do you have any plans for the weekend”, I’ve always given vague non-answers. I've been like this forever. Probably because I’ve been bombarded with these questions from career advisors since Year 1. But it's also because the future is too uncertain and complicated. It scares me to think about the future in any sort of way. So I don't. And now I'm paying the price. And the future gets closer every day. And I wish I could go back in time, maybe to live things differently, maybe to live them the same. I think about the past (my childhood especially) every day. And every single night I dream about the past too. The other day I had one about the last day of Year 11. I’ve had hundreds like it, all about the last day of secondary school. The thing that haunts me about it is the fact that I don’t remember what happened. All I remember is that I never saw any of my peers again after that day. Because I made the conscious decision to leave them, and go to a different college. Every single dream I have involves my old school friends. Every one. + +In case it isn't clear, my recent doubts over starting (let alone completing, or succeeding with) my dissertation are related to so many other things that I have consciously, often deliberately bottled up over the years (and it is years). I know how unhealthy and dangerous it is to do this, but I do it anyway because it's easier, and because it's been the default way of accepting, contemplating and processing my emotions for as long as I can remember. I've never had the desire to tell anyone (including family) about my most vulnerable thoughts and feelings, fears and insecurities, because…well…where to start? Fear of judgement, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being understood, fear of the literal and emotional consequences on myself and on my relationships; the fact that emotions were and are are never discussed in my family, or in the few social circles I used to have (note: haven't had friends for five years). I bottle all of this up. And I'll continue to. But it feels like the bottle is starting to overflow. + +If anyone has read this far, you might as well consider yourself the first person who has ever heard anything that is even remotely as private as what I've just revealed in these last few paragraphs. And if you've read this far — and if you are a healthy, ‘normal’ person — you will have obviously thought to yourself, “Yeah, he needs therapy”. But I don't think I do, and I certainly don't want to. There’s a small part of me that desires to let it all out (I could write a book about all of my problems), but I know that would be a terrifying and draining experience, even if it leads to something better. And the desire certainly isn't big enough for me to have serious thoughts about seeking help…from anyone in fact. I think that’s the bottom-line: regardless of whether I need help, or guidance, or advice, or support, or sympathy, I don't think I want it. Not enough, anyway. I think I’d hate myself for seeking it out because I'd feel like a desperately sad narcissist. I know I'm pathetic, dumb, probably annoying, an embarrassment, a failure, a waste of space, time, money and effort, but I don’t think I'm a narcissist. And I know that people who seek help aren't narcissistic, but I would think that I am if I did. So I don't. And I've never sought help from anyone. Not only the serious, personal stuff, but the little, trivial, specific things too. Is it because of a deep-rooted social anxiety, and my complete lack of social confidence, ability and experience? Yes. But like with my other anxieties that I probably ‘need’ help with — health anxiety, fear of the future, fear of the passage of time, the fear of failure, the fear of work, the fear of my dissertation — I don't care about help, or support, or self-improvement. I don’t want any of it because I think it won’t work for me, or that it doesn't apply to me. I don’t want to be helped. And yet here I am writing this.",I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do it. I don't know where I am. I don't know where I'm going.,4 +921,"Just a vent tbh . + +I've suffered from anxiety my whole life and as I grow older, I feel my anxiety getting progressively worse instead of better. Ironically even therapy scares me as I'm not really one to ""open up"" in front of others in fear of burdening/boring them. Sounds silly but I almost feel embarrassed paying someone to help me who otherwise wouldnt give me a second thought + +On the topic of skills, I wholeheartedly believe I have 0 skills. I've always been told I'm smart but no one sees how much time and struggle goes behind good grades. When I'm honest about not being intelligent, understandably people think I'm fishing for compliments. Even then I think I just got lucky with good questions and random guesses. Literally no achievement I think I really deserved and was more abt the odds being in my favour. Its all due to subliminals and manifestation rather than talent + +As well, my social skills are horrendous. I'm so awkward w people and can barely keep a convo going with those close to me. I rely on them to start and keep convos going cause I'm just so boring and unfunny. I have an extremely hard time communicating with males too. Idk I completely stiffen up and come across so awkward. I like art but again I'm not talented at it despite so much practice and was rejected from an art school unsurprisingly. I'm learning to drive and after 3 lessons I still can't move a car without sweating buckets, shaking and struggling to control it, even moving off is so challenging. I'm expecting to waste a ton of money due to my incompetence at understanding basic instructions and crippling fear. I'm bad at sports, games , mediocre at cooking and just about everything I've tried. Heck I can't even ride a bike + +I couldn't list a single talent I have. Anything I'm half decent at is a result of 5x the effort generally needed. For example I'm currently writing an essay thats taken me all day to understand and plan when it was only meant to be an hour task. There just doesn't seem to be anything 'redeemable' for me + +My anxiety has made me become more and more closed off from people. I will sit in toilets at school in fear of being looked at. I never contribute to class in fear of being wrong. I sit on the bus with my hood on so I'm not looked at. Even when I briefly had a job, I couldn't work out the basics that everyone learnt in a day. It was very telling that this incompetence wasn't only reflecting in school but other places. Sweating is one of the main symptoms I experience and its created deep rooted insecurities for me + +I can stay somewhat in peace at home but I do have struggles here and there. But obviously its not practical to rely on home for peace as I fear I will completely isolate myself this way + +Does anyone have a similar situation?",Anxiety has ruined me,4 +922,"I have pretty bad health anxiety that developed after trauma 6 months ago. I meditate, utilize deep breathing exercises, run and read inspirational quotes and seeing a trauma therapist. When I feel pain it's a huge trigger for me! I tried zoloft and had a horrible reaction. I'm on the fence about taking busbar or lexapro. Any suggestions what worked for you with a similar experience? Zoloft I literally slept 2 hours max for 2 weeks straight. Needing some advice from you guys. This is all new for me. Thank you for listening!!!!",Please read,4 +923,"Hey y’all I’m a guy who has felt anxiety all his life, it used to be so bad I’d wake up every morning and throw up because I always felt anxious to start the day. That has went away now, although I still feel anxiety especially when I drink high caffeine drinks but I’m kinda used to it, I believe energy drinks and strong coffee has made me get comfortable with that anxious feeling, as well as the fromsoftware games I’d attribute helping me deal with feelings of dread and dispair. I am at the point where I can quell my anxiety fairly easy, I still feel those feelings of anxiousness and dread but I am now comfortable with them.",My Anxiety remedies,4 +924,"Long story short, I'm dealing with mental health for 20 years now and for the last six months or so I have almost every day a panic attack since waking till evening. +I see a psychiatrist and psychologist and recently started a new job. + +I know I have my issues but can't wrap my head around having so much anxiety it's net getting better or easier with time. + +Usually when im in peak anxiety i go on a few hours listening to music and crying in a dark room bender while smoking to much In the process... + +I do meditation a trying to walk 2-3 hours a day but I fucking hate sports and I'm lazy... + +Thank you I felt the need to vent sorry for shitty English",What can be the cause and treatment for daily panic/anxiety attack? 27M,4 +925,"I want to cancel even though I logically know it’ll be good for me. + +Edit: it went well. I feel better mentally. My friend and I also planned to walk twice this week.",I talked my friend into doing hot yoga tonight and my anxiety is through the roof,4 +926,"For example, I really want to walk 10k steps a day and reduce the amount of coffee/caffeine I drink. Just curious to see what others are doing because sometimes it's hard for me to see the small/simple things that can help with anxiety.",What things in your life did you increase/decrease to improve your anxiety?,4 +927,"i was having a conversation with a close friend of mine about work settings because i will be having an internship soon. we talked about standard work things and tips, but then it lead to talking about my anxiety. + +i asked, ""if i'm unable to speak because of anxiety, how do i communicate that to them?"" 'them' being my coworkers. for extra context, i think this is a common thing but just in case, my throat closes up to a degree that it becomes hard to and painful to breathe or speak. obviously i need to breathe, so i've learned to tough through it, and even so i was able to get an appointment with someone who may be able to help this issue. as for speaking, that can be even more painful than breathing, so i usually try to tap my throat with my finger and hold up one finger with the other hand to try to communicate that i need a minute and i can't breathe/speak. + +i was worried that may not be enough, and i had previously told my friend about my issues. i figured he'd be the right guy to ask, especially since he's training to become a therapist. i guessed he may have some ideas i haven't thought about yet + +he told me to tell my coworkers i need a minute to think and to maybe say it directly. i asked him, ""if i can't talk, how do i say it to them directly?"" i'm bad with conveying tone, partially because i'm autistic, so i can see in hindsight that it may have come off wrong. + +he asked me if i was just going to leave or stay quiet without telling them what was going on, and he also said that the situation would just become worse. i was starting to get a bit upset and i said that i knew that. *then he told me to learn how to force myself to say it.* + +that's where i became really upset. i have no idea if this was justified or not, all i know is how much it hurt. i tired my best to remind him of some of my tics, and how if i'm stressed enough to be unable to speak, forcing myself would DEFINATELY make the situation worse. i told him about how there's been times where i've gotten overwhelmed and anxious, which led to me accidently hitting someone rarely or most commonly myself. sometimes i'll have really bad ones which make me yell, fling my arm beside my head, or slam a fist down on a table. + +i then apologized. he then told me that it's unfair, but i have to vocalize that kind of thing. i worked some things out with another close friend of mine, and we both agreed that i should maybe carry around some laminated cards on a ring with common words and sayings to help me communicate. we also talked about telling my coworkers and employers beforehand about my issues, and how i need a few minutes to myself to calm down. + +i tried messaging the friend from before, saying that i wanted to talk. i apologized for getting upset and explained that i was hurt by what he said and that i was hoping we can talk about it all. i apologized again. i've seen he's read the message, but he hasn't responded. i'm a bit worried, but trying to be patient with out differing time zones. + +should i force myself to talk when i am unable to, especially with some of my issues? i want to believe i'm not at fault, but i feel horrible about getting upset and i'm wondering if he's right and i should just try to suck it up. + +**edit:** i also worry that i may have overreacted and blown up over something unimportant. it's just so infuriating and hurtful because i've been told all my life to force myself to do things and to just toughen up and deal with it. i've been called overly emotional and at this point any slight indication someone thinks that way kind of sets me off. i'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, i struggle putting these things into words.","should i force myself to talk when i am unable to? //vent, about work and conflict with friend + my issues //",4 +928,"My dad had a Heart Attack 3 days back, and now has a neuro complication. A surgery has been done, but he is very week. He wishes to talk, but he has ventilator tubes and nasal tube for food. + +Everything happened very suddently. He doesn't even know what is happening. I can't look at him like this. My heart is crying for him. I feel very anxious on what's going to happen, how will he recover. My overthinking is not helping me. + +But at the same time I know I should not be emotional, as that would affect my health and might not be able to help him better. + +Please could you advise how can I keep my emotions aside? I love my father a lot, can't see him like this, alone in the ICU, comfused on what is happening around him he must be so scared, just typing this makes me cry. Please help, I wish to stay strong and help him.",Dad's very sick,4 +929,"It happened to me the three times I was on antideps. I would just feel like I was not caring about what was going on around me... if an old lady fell, I could just not be bothered to help. Like all empathy... gone. + +It would then all come back with the anxiety 😅",does anyone else feels like an egocentric a*hole when the treatments kick in and the anxiety goes away?,4 +930,"It seems to get worse. I live in a rural town overseas from my home country of Australia. Just some background info. + +I have thoughts because there are little places to go, that I'm wasting my time and I'm usually in my room all day, thinking, watching tv or sleeping. + +I have thoughts that I'm not being productive and that there arent many things I could do to be productive. This is what concerns me most. +I'm doing a degree and that's the only productive thing I'm doing. I feel trapped in a boring lifestyle and i'm also living with my parents.. I've contemplated moving back to Australia, but then I would have to go on a job hunt .. it's still an option.",I'm having anxiety during the daytime,4 +931,"My ex hasn’t responded to me in days, we are still friends and this really isn’t like him and I’m starting to get really worried. I owed him $50 and I asked him if he got it, no response, I sent him a picture of my new pc setup, nothing. Last time we called was a couple days ago and he said that he would call me back because he had to go to class but he never did. I tried calling him just now but to no response. Idk if I’m overreacting but I’m close to tears. Like what if something happened or did he just ghost me. I’m so dizzy from panicking so much, help.",Oh my god…,4 +932,Well i know that the best way to reduce it is to not drink at all but u know there is times u dont wanna miss .i saw that my anxiety levels goes up the days after i drink but i believe that there is things u can do to reduce that effects whats ur propositions ?,Whats the best way to reduce tommorow damage while drinking,4 +933,"Does anyone else feel overwhelming anxiety when it comes to responding to emails at work? I work in a large corporate environment and whenever I get emails directed at me or regarding tasks related to me, especially direct asks, my anxiety skyrockets. It normally becomes quite difficult then to respond in a timely manner that would be coherent, so my responses become staggered over hours. Even then, I end up rereading and rereading my responses before I send them. + +So my question is, how do you cope with anxiety in the workplace? It has become quite overwhelming for me recently and I am unsure what to do to cope.",Work and work emails,4 +934,"I feel so anxious, scared, alone, broken. I feel gross and ugly and unwanted. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I'm so sad",I am so scared,4 +935,"I am coming off mirtazapene (which I can’t spell). I was on 30mg and went down to 15mg. I am now taking 15mg every other day. + +Is taking 15mg every other day the same as taking 7.5mg a day? Would I be better to cut my pills in half and take 7.5mg a day? + +I plan to stay on this dose for a few more weeks then stop taking any.",Question about coming off mirtazapene,4 +936,,Hey guys Am new here How are y'all doin Just wanna wish y'all a blessed day Stay safe and be safe Love y'all,4 +937,"what does it feel like for you ? for me it feels like a buzzing or vibration in my chest , head and teeth. everything is way too much and i get goosebumps on my forehead :/",how does anxiety manifest for you ?,4 +938,"Hi, recently my psychiatrist replaced my old meds with Clozapine, I've been feeling quite bad with it and she refuses to change it, as far as I know it isn't used a lot to treat anxiety and/or depression(my only two diagnosis), I'd want to know your experiences with it or if my silly psychiatrist is messing up.",Clozapine,4 +939,"I probably bit off more than I can chew but it's the only way I can financially survive. I am a full time student and work 30+ hours a week, and I am in the Army Ng, not to mention I have also moved a lot recently and my few off days are spent running errands or appointments. Due to this there have been several times I log into my classes and see that I JUST missed the deadline for an assignment. This has happened a few times and I am devastated each time as all the professors refuse any late work or makeups. Now I nearly have a panic attack each time I log into my classes, but I also need to do it.. Kinda just getting that off my chest but will also take advice",Severe college anxiety,4 +940,"hi anxious friends! i recently switched my meds from effexor to prozac and added buspirone 10mg for anxiety. my doctor told me to take it as needed, but after all the research ive done, this doesn't make sense to me. how would it even be effective if i only took it as needed, if it's not a fast/immediate acting drug? it builds up in your system over time, right? so i'd need to take it consistently for a long period of time to feel any effects? ill ask my doctor too of course, but im very interested in other people's experiences with buspirone specifically, and whether you took it as needed or daily. + +ive been taking 10mg 3x a day for about a month (with some missed doses in between) and i do feel less anxious, but the way my doctor described it made it sound like it was a fast acting anti anxiety drug that calms you down after you take a dose, rather than one that builds in your system over time. if it matters, i also take concerta and bupropion. + +thanks friends :)",how did buspirone/buspar make you feel? did you take it consistently or only as needed?,4 +941,"I already have terrible anxiety. Iv struggled with addiction and whatnot in the past and now I have to have surgery in a few days. Someone ran into me at work. Could of been alot worse.. but I got away from a forklift with a busted up lower leg bone and alot of pain and brushes. Now that the shock wore off and im thinking about it idk if I can do it. I wanna hide and disapear. I got like 36 hours and it's agonizing. I don't wanna deal with this shit. I already been in pain for 2 weeks and now it's gonna be so much worse. I know alot of people have way more serious issues, and I ought not complain.. but dang. My chest has been tight for way too long. Idk. Guess I'm just venting. Why did I stop waiting tables and decide to work around unsafe people and heavy machines",My anxiety is so bad,4 +942,"I don't know why but I feel pressure and pain, I am unable to live and nothing works!!! I beg someone to help me",I feel pain!,4 +943,How long can I (potentially) expect the brain fog and cognitive adjustments from going from 10mg to 5mg of Trintellix? I’m 2 weeks right now and still the same.,Brain Fog,4 +944,"I am in another city, away from all of my friends. I have developed this fear of abandoment. I feel like they will start to dislike me for whatever reason. I don't often interact with all of them by person on chats because we have big chat groups. I am bad at conversations one to one but i do my best to do small talks. I feel like they will consider me not a good friend for this. I try to check up on them but idk. I guess I fear that in time they will find me annoying and think that it is a one sided-friendship. How can I reduce my anxiety about this? I feel like our connection is blurring. I love them but I don't want them to think that I don't care about them",Fear of abandoment,4 +945,Anyone have luck with it? I'm thinking of asking my psych about it since it's not habit forming like other anxiety meds. My anxiety is controlling my life and I'm desperate for something to help.,Buspar,4 +946,And then I get insecure from that my voice is shaking so I get more anxious. Has anyone tips on how to control your voice? I also have a moderate stutter so that isnt helping too😅,anyone else's voice gets shaky when you're anxious?,4 +947,"My anxiety has manifested with chest pain and shortness of breath. I am no stranger to anxiety, but things were so good for so many years, then it just started all over again. I have had an EKG, Echo and chest Xray, everything came back fine. I just can't shake the breathing issue. It happens even when I don't feel anxious. Anyone else deal with this and how do you deal with it?",Shortness of Breath,4 +948,"Ok I’m terrified…so basically I was having all these bad symptoms a week ago so I went to the doctor about it she said it was likely related to stress but I don’t think so, I’ll get a pull on my left side of my head that isn’t super painful(sometimes it can be)but feels really uncomfortable and makes me feel like I have to move positions or something, I feel off balance quite often, my body feels fidgety or restless, my brain feels foggy all the time, I have muscle twitches all over body quite often, static vision, and this weird floating sensation. Has anyone else experienced this and what did you do cuz I’m so scared rn it’s making life unbearable",Could this be anxiety?,4 +949,Over the last week I’ve been suffering with a virus and spread to my chest and it gave me a bad panic attack where I had to go to hospital. I just can’t sleep because I’m worried that I’m going to die or my heart is beating too fast. I just can’t fucking sleep and I can’t deal with it. How do I sleep?,Anxiety attacks,4 +950,"am a 19-year-old college student, trying to make the best of my life despite my past. Growing up, I had a difficult childhood. My father and stepfather were both abusive and would often beat me up for the smallest reasons. I remember hiding in my room and praying that they would leave me alone, but it never worked. + +My mom was an alcoholic, and she never showed me any love or affection. She was always too drunk to care about anything that was going on in my life. I felt like I was all alone in the world, and I had no one to turn to. + +As a result of my childhood, I developed a deep sense of trust issues. I find it hard to open up to people and let them in. I am constantly afraid that they will hurt me in some way, just like my father and stepfather did. + +But despite all of this, I refuse to let my past define me. I am determined to make something of myself and create a better life for me. College has been a fresh start for me, and I have made some friends who seem to genuinely care about me. + +However, even with my newfound friendships, I still find it hard to trust people. I am always on guard and keep people at arm's length, afraid that they will hurt me like my father and stepfather did. + +Sometimes, I wish I could forget about my past and start anew, but it's always there in the back of my mind, haunting me. It's hard to let go of the pain and the memories that shaped me into the person I am today. + +But I refuse to let my past hold me back. I am determined to overcome my trust issues and build a better future for myself.","Redditors with trust issues due to childhood trauma, how do you cope and build trust with others?",4 +951,"So last week i have bad intrusive thoughts about my +boyfriend doing bad things to me, like really bad. Im +scared that I don't become scared of him. The worst +part is that when i look at him i have that voice in my +head that say +"" your bf is bad"" and deep down I really +know he would never do things like that to me but at +the same time feels so real. Am I going crazy?",Help,4 +952,"So, based on therapy, I read The Drama of the Gifted Child and it blew my mind how many things it described that I used to think were just “quirky” about my parent, and then nailed ways it may have affected my emotions. It’s not an easy path to process, but has anyone else come to late in life conclusions that their parent is likely borderline and that this is a direct connection to their own anxiety?",Anyone else here sorting through connections between anxiety and a parent with BPD (borderline personality disorder)? What books or resources do you recommend?,4 +953,I thought i was having a good day but I guess not. I was driving to school and started getting such bad panicky feeling on the freeway. I’m all the way in another city now pulled into a parking lot I just wanna go home. I’m so nervous and I don’t even know why I just really need help right now,need encouragement,4 +954,"Hello! + +I am a graduate student researcher from the **University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS)** studying the helpfulness of a **4-week** **online** **mindfulness** treatment for **depression, anxiety, and stress** in adults aged 18 years and older for my master's thesis. Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be entered to win a **$25 Amazon gift card**. **Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.** + +**All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs!** + +**\*NOTE**: Due to the nature of this study, I cannot post the survey links directly to Reddit. Surveys will be sent via the email below. + +In order to participate you must: + +* Be **18-30 or 50+** years of age +* Have access to the Internet and email +* Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory +* Not have prior experience with mindfulness/meditation +* Not currently be receiving therapy + +**If you would like to participate or have any questions, please email Payton Downey at** [**pdowney@uccs.edu**](mailto:pdowney@uccs.edu)**.** + +**If you don't believe you qualify to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.** + +Thank you and have a wonderful day!","[Repost] The Effectiveness of a 4-Week Online Mindfulness Program for Depression, Anxiety, and Stress [Mod Approved]",4 +955,"The last job I had was back in October 2021 doing low-skilled IT work at a hospital and I got fired (worked there two months - the longest I’ve ever held a job). + +I’m in my early 20s and it’s embarrassing to admit that but it’s true. I can’t keep a job. I either quit after a short while, or in this instance, get chucked out. + +&#x200B; + +Since then I’ve avoided work all together as all I feel is bitterness and shame. Another deterrent is how I’m not good at anything in particular. All I can get are shit jobs where I’m completely replaceable. + +&#x200B; + +I’m too shy and anxious all the time, so talking to people is really hard. When I worked at a cinema it wasn’t too bad because there were people my age and I felt good talking to them, but that job went to pieces because management hated me (long story). + +&#x200B; + +I’m told to get a skill, but the idea of getting a trade sounds harrowing to me as I’ve worked on construction sites and the people who work there are usually abrasive cokeheads who I really wouldn’t get along with/tolerate. + +&#x200B; + +All I’ve done for the past year is read, write, listen to music and occasionally socialise but I’m pretty much alone now. I guess when you’re socially isolated it’s hard to really know yourself, like you can’t test yourself much in a public setting so it’s hard to truly know who you are. I find it hard sometimes. Just thinking about what jobs would suit me, it seems impossible. I know what I don’t want to do, but that’s pretty much everything to be honest. The idea of working a job again, commuting, forcing myself to speak to people who I don’t want to be around, and doing these mundane things feels like death isn’t so bad. Considering the sort of jobs I can get, which are garbage service jobs or low-skilled office one’s with high turnovers. + +&#x200B; + +So I’m stuck. I feel really trapped. The job centre is harassing me and I hate going in there as I feel like such a low-life… but on the same token I can barely afford the upkeeps for my car so I’ll have to work some shit job soon I suppose. + +&#x200B; + +I’m not on medication or anything, I feel embarrassed typing this out. I’m scared of telling anyone my problems as I was always told they’re insignificant and I should “man up” (even though the same people who told me that complain and talk about how bad their lives are all the time to me and never ask about how I’m doing). So whatever. Seeing a GP in this country is a joke anyway so there’s zero point trying to get help anyways. I tried to be ambitious and maybe move countries but I don’t even have any qualifications, like I don’t have a degree so my options are very limited. I’d love to move countries and just forget about how bad my life sucks here but I can’t do that regrettably so I guess I’ll have to accept my lot in life working these miserable hapless jobs until I eventually murder myself or go crazy",Haven’t worked a job in a year and a half (pitiful rant),4 +956,"I don’t know why my brain is the way it is anymore and it hurts. I’m struggling so much. Here’s my story if you want to stick around to read it. Last year, about this same time I got Covid, probably the worst thing I have ever gone through in my entire life, besides the horrible sickness part, somehow it sparked some sort of new anxiety in me. Before it I never experienced anxiety like I do now, but somehow it came on painfully out of no where. Panic attacks more than once a day, unable to control my thoughts, horrible intrusive thoughts, nightmares, insomnia, constant fidgeting & some anger/irritability for no reason at all. +After a month or two from healing from Covid (Covid long haul) I was getting better, no more panic attacks, able to drive, get out and be happy. I was okay, till now. One night I woke up a little too early so I decided to stay up instead of falling back asleep for three or so hours, and boom it was back. My mind went straight back to the anxiety, the irritability and pain as before but without the anxiety. +It’s been a few weeks or so now since it started and I feel so tired and mentally drained. +I started some anxiety meds (Buspirone 5mg 2x) and haven’t seen a massive amount of change yet. +Advice? Help? Do I just give up?",I’m so truly exhausted.,4 +957,"I often see people posting on here, ""Is ....... a symptom of anxiety"" The answer is 99 outta a hundred, YES! My anxiety has given me the weirdest aches & pains fron a non stop fluttering eye, to hot or cold sweats, pins & needles, stabbing pains, all the way to i can't breathe or feeling I'm about to die of a heart attack or the old, ""this isn't real life"". When are brains are overloaded with stress hormones it goes berserk. As I've learned to accept my symptoms as a part of my anxiety & not fight or repress them, it's alot easier to manage.""Anxiety will not kill me"" is my mantra. I know its hard but don't hold on to every little feeling in your body it only magnify the feeling. My anxiety is more mental now when it comes which while tricky is infinitely easier then feeling I'm gonna die 10 times a day. What's your weirdest or scariest symptom? Let's normalise the abnormal & all feel a bit better .",PSA for anxiety symptoms,4 +958,"How do I tell if it’s my anxiety/stress causing my heart palpitations or if I have an actual heart problem? Brief background - Changed my SSRI back in November (Bad idea) didn’t suit me at all, sent me into a depression rut & only just started back on my old meds again. Starting to climb out of this rut now however I still get bad palpitations on/off when I’m feeling anxious/stressed but sometimes I can just be lying in bed or walking around & get them when I don’t feel any anxiety present. Once I get them it triggers my anxiety because I fear something is awfully wrong & that I’ll have a heart attack etc. I definitely have cardiophobia & I’m always fixated on my heart (convinced something is wrong) I had my bloods done last week & they were fine & tomorrow I get an ECG but I’m scared if I have afib or arrhythmia issues they won’t pick it up because I’ve heard they are difficult to detect. From an outsider looking in do you think I have a real heart problem or do you think my palpitations are all anxiety/stress related?",Anxiety & heart problems..,4 +959,"I just started on lexapro 5mg 3 days ago. I have severe GAD and OCD, and it’s causing me extreme distress. I also have my wedding on April 30th. I’m afraid it will make me a zombie, as well as cause sexual performance issues, and I don’t want to be emotionless on my wedding day, or unable to have sex on my honeymoon.. so I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. + +From your experience, have any of you noticed a significant difference in emotion and or sexual performance while on 5mg?",Lexapro 5mg + upcoming wedding,4 +960,"So first off, I apologize for the millionth post about “has anyone felt like this”. Been struggling to post anything for that reason. I’ve been having really bad anxiety these past 2-3 months. My dad passed away in December and I had to put my dog down a week ago so I definitely think this has affected my greatly. I’ve never felt this “bad” for this long. Been waking up most days shakey and nervous. Most days I’m worrying about my health and can’t seem to shake off intrusive thoughts. I went to the Doctor on Thursday and was told my blood pressure was high, which made me more anxious. Was precribed some for blood pressure and sertraline for the anxiety. Today I’ve been feeling dizzy, it comes and goes and just loosing interest in normal things. Just a general feeling of feeling off or not all here. Also can’t seem to swallow very well. + +I’m starting to exercise more and eating healthier. I’m hoping to see if anyone has any words of encouragement or has had a similar experience as mine. Also, anyone taking sertraline has any side effects? Anything would help rn. Thank you! + +Edit: Side note last night I took a chocolate piece which had cbd and a strand of THC to help me sleep. It made me feel slow and like I wasn’t fully there and gave me really bad dry mouth feeling. Idk if maybe I’m still feeling those symptoms, because still feel out of it and my throat feels like I have something stuck there.",Anyone felt like this?,4 +961,I sadly developed mild agoraphobia cause of this /:,Is there a specific term or phobia that one gets about fearing that their heart won't stop beating fast if they trigger it? Examples could be exercise or a panic attack?,4 +962,"I really don’t want to go to this funeral. It’s my friends aunt who sadly passed suddenly. My friend spoke a lot about her but I’ve never met her so I feel weird going to this funeral. My friend is kind of expecting me to pay my respects and I don’t know how to tell her that I can’t go. Am I letting my anxiety get the better of me by not going or is it reasonable not to go to this funeral? + +For context I’ve known my friend since high school and we’re both in out early 30’s. and I’m reasonably close to her. + +Edit: I did go and it was fine and it made her happy. So in the end I’m glad I did something good",Does it look bad if I don’t go to my friends aunt’s funeral? I can’t tell if I’m letting my anxiety get in the way of social norms.,4 +963,"14M. As a bit of background, I am currently in therapy for anxiety , depression OCD and for the last six weeks i have been on 50mg of sertraline a day and 2 lots of 20mg promethazine a day. + +since yesterday morning, i haven’t felt great but i atleast thought that the medication was working . was feeling depressed a bit the night before but something was drastically different. + +I woke up and felt like i was incoherent but i wasn’t and began to feel very depressed. i put it down to just a bad day and i read online sertraline can cause depressive feelings . i continued on with my day not worrying until the nighttime . + +just before i was going to get into bed ,something didn’t feel right. i started to feel strange in ways i can’t describe and I had these 1 second headaches in the same spot every 5-10 minutes . my memory then began to feel weird and i checked my blood pressure which was normal. + +I then grabbed my playstation controller and headset and put it by my bedside which i never do . i always leave it on my desk. this freaked me out , but then again that could just be down to tiredness . + +I got into bed and checked by blood pressure again. all normal. but something didn’t feel right at all. it felt like i was living in yesterday and then i suddenly got this strange feeling and this is the best way of describing it: it felt like I wasn’t conscious but i was at the same time . like to recall my memory it feels like none of that happened except it did . the world felt deaf and it felt like time was no longer linear . i felt as if i couldn’t process things properly, if at all. and thought brain bleed. + +I then went to the bathroom and felt panicked but didn’t show it . I checked my pupils and they were fine . i then went back to my bedroom and began to text people ok reddit for advice and said it all sounds like anxiety. + +at this point my brain was telling me that I was forgetting something but i don’t know what, because that’s the whole point of forgetting something . I began to feel like I was in a delirious state and i felt as if i couldn’t hang on to a thought process. + + I was worried as this was not normal for me so i woke up my dad and told him what was happening . at this point when I was trying to read something i searched up on google , the words looked jumbled and i had to read it again. this has never been an issue before and i certainly don’t have dyslexia , so this made me worry . + +I explained to my dad that the way I was feeling was not normal, so i asked him if I could call 111 (urgent care number) . I explained to them my situation and i was put on call later to a man who literally asked my father what he thought he should do if i was feeling delirious . at this point i realised it was pointless . he basically said it sounds like nothing physically but i disagreed. + +Exhausted of all my options , i decided to go to sleep. I got around 7 hours and slept straight through and had vivid detailed dreams . + +I woke up around 11am after going to bed around 4am. I still had memory troubles but not nearly as bad as the night before . I tried to convince myself I was fine and realised i still felt strange and the letters looked a bit jumbled still. I’ve tried to brush it off all day but still feeling weird. a recent feeling in the past 6-7 hours i’ve attained is the feeling like i’m waking up and suddenly realising i’m doing something while i’m doing it subconsciously . but if i backtrack and i try to remember it all feels fine. just not in the moment. this is the thing that is freaking me out . + +any advice please ? any at all? does this sound like a brain bleed /mental confusion/delirium? or could this be explained by anxiety / derealization /tiredness? so scared honestly don’t know what to do.",every strange thing that’s happened in the last 24 hours. please read .,4 +964,,How can I start feeling comfortable with going out if I get nervous being in public?,4 +965,"Hi everyone! 22 F here. My anxiety and panic attacks flared up in december and ever since then, i have developed separation anxiety from my parents. The trigger is when i hear them get ready in the morning to go to work, it makes me anxious. When they leave, i usually watch harry potter and play games on my ipad to distract me. i know these are safety behaviors and they reinforce the anxiety. What do i do? i’m tapering off of effexor which has heightened my anxiety but i’m at a stand still and don’t know how to change this.",Separation Anxiety,4 +966,"I’ve always been a very anxious person, but as I’ve gotten past adolescence it’s started to manifest more physically. I get tightness in my chest, a lot of bowel/digestive issues, and even some bloating (though that might also just be from beer). No panic attacks but I worry it’s a possibility in the future if I keep going down this road. + +Anyone else experience this?",Getting more physical symptoms with my anxiety in my 20s,4 +967,"I’ve been struggling with bad anxiety for the past two years, and it started out of no where. It’s led to me not being able to go anywhere without being miserable, and dreading doing things that I used to like. My parents are weird about medicine, and they say if I take it I can never stop. I took setraline for a couple of months and it didn’t do anything and so I just got off. I tried therapy first, and nothing. It feels like a huge commitment and I really just need some advice of if I should start again.",Did medicine help your anxiety?,4 +968,,since yesterday there’s been points i’ve found myself doing things not knowing how i got there . it’s like the feeling of waking up. is this normal?,4 +969,"I tried quitting amoking for a month and relapsed and in that time i developed new feelings about life mainly nihilistic thoughts about life, ive been smoking again for 4 days and my anxiety wont go away, i just want itnto stop man i feel so shitty i want to kill myself to make it end, me going through this existential chrisis is not helping the fact i wanna end it all. Please someone help me, im so confuaed :<",Anxiety possible caused by smoking (suicidal thoughta),4 +970,"Hi, i'm experiencing Weird panic attack symptoms. I sense weird like toilets smell maybe with chills in body at night. And also i get cold sensation in back,leg and hand sometimes. And also bloat stomach, tingling leg etc. + +If you guys relate to this please comment.",Weird panic attack symptoms,4 +971,,my brain feels confused sometimes like sometimes it feels like i’m living in a memory of when i was at school when i was 5 because the vibe feels similar does anyone else get that?,4 +972,"Whenever the anxiety isn’t heightened, I’m able to enjoy my life. I’m proud of myself and my accomplishments. I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me. I’m excited with where my career is going. I have a great life. But I feel so intensely anxious that it affects everything. The physical symptoms, ancillary feelings of depression, OCD tendencies. I wish I could just let all of that go and enjoy my life to the fullest. I’ve been in therapy for a long time but never tried meds. I’m nervous to start, but thinking more and more that it’s a good option.","Everything in my life is great, but why do I feel so anxious?",4 +973,"So in the space of 3 months i’ve gone from one of the most confident people you’d ever +Meet into a shell of myself due to health anxiety - + +I was having quite bad headaches so the doctor after saying Tension headaches, advised it may be sinusitis + +I have stopped and started antibiotics (had two/3 days) then stopped 3 times over the last few months due to then worrying about various things however I have Sinus pains and reoccurring Sinus/Ear symptoms that keep coming back - i’m feeling Tired all the time and just am feeling worse and worse + +My worry has always been what if its not a bacterial infection vs if it is + +I guess I just want to see if its worth letting my body try to fight this off despite how ill I’m feeling or if I should do a full dose of the Doxycycline I have been given - I just worry about the damage I may already have done to my body and if my body even needs the antibiotics + +Its so hard when you keep feeling more ill everyday but you don’t know the right path to go down",Need Reassurance and potentially advice,4 +974,"Hi all, + +I’ve started a new job about 2 weeks ago, it’s a higher paying customer care job for an insurance company. I was in retail for 5 years and incredibly comfortable in my position. It’s a work from home role, I needed something different as retail was driving me up the wall, and I can put on a damn good customer service facade. + +Anyway, today I’ve been taking calls and all of a sudden, became overwhelmed with everything and burst into tears. I cried during a call, and could not stop crying until I logged out. I’ve spent the entire evening on the phone to my parents crying and crying to my partner. I’m dreading doing it again. I was ready to quit. + +How do you deal with this? I’m breathing, taking my meds, eating well and drinking well. My brain is causing problems out of nothing and I’ve been making myself sick over this job. Anyone dealt with this in their new job and how did you overcome it?",Crippling new job anxiety,4 +975,"So I’m 20 years old and 23 days sober from opiates and fent. For as long as I can remember I’ve had pretty bad anxiety but always had then “fuck it suck it up” mentality about it. Also should heavily self medicate since I was about 14 when I first found opiates. Now that I’m sober my anxiety is crippling. Have had 3 job interview since being clean and all 3 went horribly cause of my anxiety, hard to talk to people, family, and my girlfriend(who is almost completely sober and rarely drinks). I also can’t sleep and constantly having nightmares. was wondering if anyone has any recommendations of meditation to try for it that��s not a benzodiazepine cause I’m still so fresh in recovery. Honestly would do anything besides benzos. Thanks for hearing me out","Have been dealing with anxiety my whole life, but it’s getting really bad",4 +976,"Hi guys! I was hoping to get some inspiration and motivation from those with stories of anxiety, health anxiety and or depression to help me in my journey. + +I feel I’m close to recovering as I have improved immensely with therapy. I suffer from health anxiety which led to losing my job. I want to start working again soon which is a lot better than I was a few months ago, I would love to hear how anyone else has gotten better and changed their life for the better. + +Thanks in advance, +Take care",Recovery & Improvement Stories,4 +977,"I'm almost 40 so my life is nearly half over and I feel like I've done nothing with it. Especially because for some stupid reason I've placed all my eggs in one basket and insisted on becoming a successful author no matter how stupid or hard or impossible it is to do that these days. I haven't even tried to date anyone in over 10 years so though I'd like a relationship, I'm socially inept and awkward. I also have a lot of baggage not just from an abusive father but from two abusive relationships I was stupid enough to get into. At my age with my history, no one wants to even attempt to deal with that nonsense and as I said I'm inept at socializing because of my own problems. I don't have a ""career"" like my siblings. I don't have a family. I don't even have a job because of a permanent disability making it almost impossible for me to work. Though I have written several novels, they more than likely will never see anything resembling profit or commercial success. Most of my days are spent playing video games, hating my life, and writing because I'm too stubborn to give up on that dream despite every single sign telling me that I'm old, it's over, and there's no way I'm talented enough to make it work. + +I know that people will say that I shouldn't measure my success by other people or people around me but let me tell you. It's exceedingly hard to show up to family functions when all your siblings are married professionals with their own houses and you are the loser who has been single for 15 years because she can't manage to get into a relationship that's not abusive and would prefer to stay at home, alone with her cat who's gonna die soon anyway because he's old. If you want to suggest therapy or medication...I've done both. Medication isn't a fix for me and I've tried it on and off for years. Therapy has been a constant in my life since I was 18 so if you can possibly imagine it I was far worse than \*this\* before now. If anything I could \*possibly\* say it's a miracle that I've come as far as I have with recovering from abuse, dealing with addiction, an eating disorder, and my anxiety issues. Yet, at the same time, I desire things that I'm 99% sure I can never have and I know I'm running out of time. Is there any way to cope with the fact that my life just isn't going to get fixed and I'm pretty much doomed to waiting the clock out for the next 30-40 years if I'm somehow lucky enough not to get cancer or some other terrible disease?",Anxiety Over Having Made No Accomplishments in Life,4 +978,"(Possible emetophobia & coprophobia Triggers) +I don’t typically share on here and I’m unfamiliar with Reddit but my partner suggested I give it a go. I experienced something this morning and I believe it to be related to my anxiety. +I woke up and started completing my typically morning routine, all was well. I came to the end of the list of things I have to do in my head. I left very sick to my stomach. I’ve been trying to become more aware of my anxiety symptoms and have noticed they often show as tummy issues. Typically physical, both feeling like I need to vomit and poop my pants. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I had to reach out to my boss and explain the situation. I woke with children. I was also informed and asked about my colleague, whom I work with directly, they were possibly going to be out for the day as well causing a staffing issue. +I feel guilty and a lot of other emotions about the situation. It feels like I let my team down. I also have a tendency to think and help others without thinking about myself in the process. The ultimate people pleaser. I was just hoping someone out there in the universe experiences anything similar to me. If so I appreciate you, Thank you for taking the time to read 💗 I’d love to chat 🥰",Physical side of Anxiety,4 +979,"Hey guys! + +I’ve been following this community for a while, and I just wanted to share my story and maybe meet some people going through or who have been through a similar situation. I've never felt more alone in my life and I feel like I'll be heard here. + +I’m 21, and growing up wasn’t easy. I carry a lot of trauma and guilt from seeing my mom sick pretty much my whole life and growing up in a toxic environment. I always took care of my mom from a young age which made me very attached to her, and honestly, even though she was sick, she was really the best mother I could’ve ever asked for. fast forward, after a lot of treatment and a lot of struggle, my mom recovered :) and 2022 was one of her best years. she was very healthy and started doing very well. It was the best year for my family and me as a whole. unfortunately, that came to an end, and she suddenly passed in November 2022. That came as a big shock to everyone because she was so healthy. no health problems, regular tests, she was perfectly fine. Everything for me came crashing down. I've always had anxiety, and due to that anxiety, I was vaping heavily for so many years (6 to be exact) until February 6th, 2023, came around. I had one of the worst panic attacks ever, and now I'm dealing with so many symptoms. Got so many tests done because I was having so many stroke-like and heart attack-like symptoms. Tests came back pretty much all normal, and I got diagnosed with a panic disorder and health anxiety. My psychiatrist thinks due to my mom passing away so suddenly, and I also have an underlying fear for myself. + +I'm writing this because I've never felt so alone. I feel like people close to me don't understand what I'm going through physically and mentally, and I just want to be my old self again. All these symptoms started so suddenly, and I'm scared almost every day, not knowing if I will wake up the next day or what might happen to me. I'm scared my own body will fail me. I'm tired, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm in this alone. I'm trying my best to correlate everything with anxiety, but it's so hard. + +Thank you so much for reading if you did read all of this. I will be okay, and I will get better. I'm slowly starting to see progress. +Cheers to a lovely life ahead :)",anxiety progress/my story,4 +980,As title does anxiety cause faintness when standing ? Tingeling arms have to sit down ?,Anxiety cause faintness when standing up ?,4 +981,"does anyone else have this or something similar? what do u do to help it? even if my heart isn’t going fast, it is PUMPING. like i can feel it in my chest, in pretty much my entire body - doesn’t matter if i’m sitting down or standing up, it is beating HARD even when not going fast??",anxiety heart symptom,4 +982,"Hi all! Long time anxiety sufferer, first time poster. I am diagnosed bipolar with generalized anxiety disorder. Due to a history of substance abuse I cannot take benzos which severely hinders my ability to be treated with medicine. + +Knowing that background, I have SEVERE travel anxiety. Tomorrow I have to travel to NYC from CT which is a literal train ride (plus the subway to get downtown) and I am in a panic. + +Part of it is leaving my baby for the first time since I had him 9 months ago but a bigger part is that I just HATE traveling. The crowds, the unknown, the potential of getting lost - it all sends me in a tailspin. + +Does anyone have any tips to ease me a bit? I’ve already mapped out my route and gone over and over it. I’ve thought of alternatives (Uber, taxis if the subway feels to overwhelming). What else can I do?",Travel Anxiety,4 +983,,Just wanna wish y'all a blessed day Stay safe and be safe Love y'all I hope you all are doing well stay blessed,4 +984,"does anyone else get this? recently i watched a tv show, and have become a bit obsessed with it and the relationship between the 2 main characters, both in the show and in real life. it’s not even a romantic relationship, it’s a father-daughter type. and i have a good relationship with my dad so i’m not sure where the feelings are coming from, but i can’t shake them. i keep thinking about the show and how good it was, and how beautiful their relationship is. and then my social media’s keep showing me edits and clips from interviews etc that just make me more interested. but i always end up feeling sad after because i’m not a part of it? at least i think that’s what the feeling is. +i’m wondering if anyone else has felt like this, and how you explain it? or what you did to move on or look at it in a more positive way. i’m tired of feeling sad.",fomo from things i’m not involved in,4 +985,"How do you get anything done with anxiety. I can keep up the house with 3 kids and 3 adults. However, it is quite overwhelming. How does everyone discipline themselves to follow a list or take time for self care? I'm in a constant state of this should be easier and I should be doing better. My thoughts are so negative and mean to myself. Thanks for any and all suggestions.",Getting through the day,4 +986,"Happy Sunday /r/Anxiety! + +It's everyone's favorite day of the week... Sunday, the last 24 hours before Monday rears its head again. Let this thread be a space to set your intentions, share your goals and concerns, or just check in, about the week ahead.",Set your intention,4 +987,"Hello everyone! Welcome to the r/Anxiety monthly check-in thread. We want this to serve as casual community chat for anyone who wants to get or stay involved without having to make a full post. Plus you can use this as an easy way to give us feedback on what you like and don't like about the subreddit. + +Our mod team also maintains an official mental health Discord server for people who prefer realtime community, venting, peer support and off topic chat. We hope to see you there! Join link: [https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9](https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9) + +# Checking In + +Let us know what's on your mind! This includes (but is not limited to) any significant life changes/events that have happened recently; an improvement or decrease in your mental health; any upcoming plans that you're looking forward to (or dreading); issues you're dealing with in your own local or extended community; general sources of stress or frustration in your daily life; words of advice or comfort you want to share with everyone; questions/comments/concerns you want to share with the moderators and community regarding the subreddit. + +Thanks and stay safe, + +The r/Anxiety Mod Team",Monthly Check-In Thread,4 +988,"So as the title suggests, I bought some magnesium glycinate 400mg per serving. After reading a bunch of posts saying it works wonders with anxiety and sleep, I thought I’d have to give it a try. I want to hear some of your experiences. Did it work? Negative effects? Or is it just the “placebo effect”? Thank you! Gonna take it tonight!",Just bought magnesium glycinate… does it really work like people say it does?,4 +989,I want children when I'm older but I'm scared I'll pass my anxiety on to them. And that makes me feel guilty. Will I pass it down to children?,Can you pass anxiety down to your children?,4 +990,"Do you guys do this too? I understand that its common courtesy to reply to others quickly and instantly, but it's like whenever I get a message, I get... Idk. Scared? Anxious? Nervous to read it? I always feel like skfkglglkgkv + +I mean, god knows what the message could be like. And it's not like I don't reply to people at all. Though sometimes I do feel like I'd rather not look at my messages at all forever. Still, I end up mustering the courage to take a peek and reply, but sometimes I do that hours later.",Does anyone else hold off reading their messages as long as possible?,4 +991,This is just a reminder that Caffeine in any form exacerbates anxiety for most people!! Whether it be from Sodas or coffee and teas. I have to repeat this cycle time and time again. When will I learn seriously.,Daily reminder.,4 +992,"i’m a 19 year old cc student and i live with my grandma, mom, uncle, aunt, and little sister. + +my mom has a meth addiction and she’s developed schizophrenia from it and it’s been getting worse as the years go on. my uncle was hit on the head at a young age and im not exactly sure what he struggles since we never talk but i think it’s schizophrenia. my mom doesn’t take her meds i think and my grandma is constantly trying to help her with moving in and out of motels and rehabs and all this stuff for the past 8 months or so (realistically she’s been trying to help her for many many years now but my mom had moved out) recently my mom moved back in like a week ago. my uncle is very strange and i don’t know really anything about him. he leaves his room a few times a day and doesn’t talk to anyone, sometimes i hear him talk to himself in his room, but he doesn’t yell and scream like my mom does, he’s just very quiet and intense. + +so earlier tonight i was using my grandmas phone for school since mine was dead, and i got curious to look in her messages between my mom because i’ve seen messages between them before where my mom is talking about how she hears voices talking about someone wanting to kill me and how she’s constantly was thinking about me and she doesn’t think i’m safe. so i looked and my aunt (she’s mentally well) sent my grandma a picture where she found a big butcher knife placed on top of a picture of me. + +the message said “*uncles name* is acting strange again. i asked *moms name* if she did this and she said she didn’t. does *uncles name* know what it means to stab someone? that they will die?” in the photo my aunt sent my grandma, the picture of me was in like a mouse pad that was custom made with a photo of me from 4th grade. the thing is i’m not sure if it’s a coincidence because the mouse pad is on a desk for like where a computer used to be but the desk in like directly connected to the kitchen like almost next to it, so it could be possible that someone had happened to place that knife there so i didn’t really freak out. but i talked to some friends and when i kinda said it out loud to them i did kinda realize like damn that does kinda sound bad and they told me that yea it’s probably not safe. + +i don’t know if it was my uncle or mom either though, if it even was intentional. my uncle used to come home and hit me in the head as a kid a lot, and we would yell and scream at each other (we lived together for like 6 years and this would happen, then we moved, then we moved again and he moved back in with us) but ever since we moved back in again we literally do not talk to each other at all. he’s very awkward around me and everyone tbh and quiet, and i can tell he doesn’t like to be in the same room as me even though i do not interact with him at all whatsoever. we’ve said hey to each other like less than 10 times over the years and that’s about it. he does kinda seem like he hates me but i don’t think he would want to kill me. on the other hand it’s possible that my mom was lying to my aunt, but from what i’ve seen i don’t think my mom wants to kill me either. whenever she has talked about me in that way it’s more of a “this is my son i need to protect him from whoever gonna kill him” type of way rather than a malicious tone. but again, they are both schizophrenic which i really don’t know much about besides they can be unpredictable and so that’s why i’m asking. + +i know it’s weird to ask about this on reddit but i really don’t have anyone to talk to about it. i’m not going to directly confront my uncle about it because again we are very distant and he’s a big guy i just don’t want to i feel like it’d be worse, and i don’t want to ask my mom because i know she would say no even if she did. i’m going to ask my grandma tomorrow since i haven’t been able to since she’s been asleep all night, but she’s just going to ignore me after i express my concerns, which she always does. i can talk to my aunt about it even though we’re not really too close but yeah. + +another thing is my grandma sent the photo my aunt sent her to my uncle asking if he did it and he kind of just ignored it, didn’t deny it so. but yea i cant really move out or anything, i don’t have the money for that since i just graduated high school and honestly i don’t have a job right now since i’m a full time student and i just don’t know where i would go. i don’t have any friends that would let me live with them either so that’s out of the picture . the best thing i’m hoping for is the convince my grandma to have them move out but that’ll probably never happen even though i want it to so bad. i just don’t know if this is a coincidence with the knife and i shouldn’t be worried or what i should do so yea pls help",I live with two people in my family who have schizophrenia and there was a butcher knife placed on a picture of me,4 +993,"When I look at my reflection I don’t see a person anymore, I just see a corpse. I can’t even afford food and I look like a skeleton. It’s like I’m just convincing everyone that I’m a person like them, but I don’t fee like one. I have images pop up in my head of me shooting myself and lying dead on the floor (even though I wouldn’t actually kill myself). I don’t know what to do",I feel like I’m dead,4 +994,"I’m emetophobic and I ate at a restaurant last night. I’m pretty worried of getting food poisoning. The restaurant wasn’t sketchy but this is how I always am when I eat out at restaurants. Anyways, how long does it take for food poisoning to kick in? I’m about 10 hours post eating at the restaurant",How long does food poisoning take to kick in?,4 +995,"I think ever since I was bullied in school I always was afraid of people. I missed so many opportunities in my life because no matter how many self help books I was reading, I was just not able to overcome my anxiety. And even if I managed to be ""normal"" around people I still felt lonely. Because I felt like an alien, like I was different to everyone else. + +❌ A normal relationship with a woman who accepts me for who I am? --> **Not available since I finished school!** + +❌ Friends with whom I can share my hopes and dreams and who I feel deeply connected with? --> **Not for me!** + +❌ Just interact with people without feeling completely nervous and socially awkward? --> **Impossible!** + +With 22 I knew that either I have to change something or it will stay like this forever! + +It was a wild journey ever since and despite a lot of set backs, rejections, insecurities and the feeling that I am too unlovable for anyone I can say that **I** **overcame my social anxiety.** + +I don't want to brag with this post, the only thing I want is to give you hope in times where you maybe feel no hope. + +Maybe this here is the motivation for YOU to take the first step today. To look out of the comfort zone a tiny little bit. To get help when you need help, as it is a sign of strength to ask for help not of weakness. **If this here reaches one person who is struggling today I've done my job.** + +Because no matter how tall the wall seem that you are looking at right now, it is possible to overcome it. + +**If you need help or advice, I'll be there for you in the comments! ⬇️**",Anyone here also feels like they'll be Lonely Forever because of Social Anxiety?,4 +996,"I’ve been taking the same adhd pill since I was a very small child and I had to switch on weekends due to a shortage. I have some history with certain pills and their side effects which is why I am so anxious. (Not the average side effects either, the 1% that most people don’t get. The side effects were facial and tongue cramping due to a severe allergic reaction, slurred speech, throat swelling, and a tic like thing called Tardive dyskinesia) I am having waves of panic attacks, but I am so fucking proud of myself. I faced my fear, I took the pill. I did it. I faced my anxiety. This is a first as I usually cower to it. My anxiety is still going, but it’s not used to me challenging it.",I’m really scared and proud,4 +997,"Every single day I feel the life inside of me just fall down as if it were sand, every day I feel like I can't breathe, I just sit and look around because even though no one sees it, I feel like my lings are vomiting inside me. + +Every single day I want to kill myself while at the same time having a panic attack because I don't want to die. + +And then I just sit there, not bothering anyone, because no one can look at me and tell me my intestines are silently spinning, no one can look at me and see my heart beating way too fast and know I'm not breathing. + +And certainly no one knows that every fucking day while I try to live my life I see myself in a grave not feeling any physical sensation at all, its almost as if I can see the future, almost as if old me is sitting in bed slowly rotting away, dead and no one has checked up on me for several hours + +Why tf am I like this, I'm 14, I'm supposed to enjoy life but insead I hate this shit, and I hate living with this terrible anxiety about nothing and everything at the same time, not living because I don't wanna die, which makes me want to kill myself + +The worst part is I'm not even diagnosed with an anxiety disorder because I'm too scared to talk to anyone about it, and so no one will ever know, because I don't know people well enough to tell them this. I guess I don't mind sharing with strangers online tho + +Hope you have a nice day, and I hope your anxiety gets better because I wish no ine had to suffer like this",What tf us happening to me,4 +998,"I don’t know how to explain it but the last week or two I have been in a constant panic mode. always on edge , I feel sick 24/7, crying etc. But nothing has triggered me ? I just woke up one day and I knew something wasn’t right in my brain , I just felt really fuzzy and confused and now two weeks later I’m in a constant fight or flight mode.",Can anxiety get triggered by nothing?,4 +999," I've been undergoing therapy for anxiety and depression for the past two months. My therapist recommended that I start keeping a ""thought diary"" to write down any worries or concerns that I may have and to practice a breathing technique that involves breathing in for four seconds, holding for two, and then exhaling for four seconds. + +Initially, I was skeptical that these simple practices could make a difference in something that has troubled me for years. However, I began to notice that whenever I started to become consumed by anxious or depressive thoughts, jotting them down in my diary helped me immensely. This process allowed me to break down those thoughts and identify that 99% of the time, my worries and depression stem from hypothetical situations. + +For instance, one of my thoughts was, ""What if my friends are judging me behind my back?"" (for context, this was after we went out for drinks). The key phrase in that being 'What if', meaning it's just hypothetical with no real evidence to back up the worry. So, in my thought diary, alongside my worrisome thought, I would write down a 'Helpful thought' where I deconstruct this worry. For the aforementioned thought, my helpful thought was: + +""This is a hypothetical worry, you have no evidence to suggest this will happen. Your friend's opinion of you shouldn't be taken seriously anyway. You don't need to seek approval from your friends."" + +Of course, this may not help everyone, but I wanted to share how thought diaries have helped my mental health, and they can be quite powerful. + + TL;DR: My therapist recommended keeping a ""thought diary"" and practicing breathing techniques to help my anxiety and depression. Writing down my thoughts and using the breathing technique has helped me identify that 99% of my worries are hypothetical. I recommend trying it out.",Crazy how powerful thought diaries & breathing techniques have been for my anxiety,4 +1000,"M18 i cant for the life of me say no to anyone, i get extremely anxious and overwhelmed when i think about disagreeing with someone or just saying something else because i’m afraid they’ll disagree back so i agree to make things easier. only person i can truly be me is like my mom but even my gf i just agree with everything like i’m on autopilot and i don’t know how to stop it. if i try i stutter and get so much anxiety, really weird",cant say no to anyone,4 +1001,"Our healthcare system is so over burdened. The psychiatrist in town has an almost 9 month wait list (but I finally got in). The community/parent support worker I was connected to cancelled our sessions because their department ran out of funding; the program was cut. I’m waiting until they announce the new budget in April and get more funding. Then I’ll get a worker back + +I’m giving every ounce of effort I have to get the supports I need and use them so that I can learn to function on my own. + +I have a 4 year old and I hate how im raising him. I feel like an asshole trying to explain to my dr that even though my house is full of food I struggle to feed him properly because I have no appetite I don’t cook for myself and I don’t know what to feed him. I look at all the food in my cupboard and I can’t make a decision on what to make. But then my son tells me he’s hungry right now so I just microwave a pizza pocket or corn dog for him. +I’m just so tired. I’m failing at everything. I’ve reached out for support and the people in the roles want to help me bc they see me trying. My psychiatrist even has seen me on his days off. It’s just the system as a whole that is underfunded and broken",I’ve been trying to get help for months it’s so frustrating,4 +1002,"hi. this is going to be a bit of a long post. I have suffered from emetophobia for 8 years now. Have been and am still going to therapy, on antidepressants and have been on hydroxyzine. Recently, my doctor prescribed me .5mg of xanax every day. This has spiked my anxiety because I know I can gain a tolerance to it and become addicted. I have never misused it or done anything wrong, but I feel guilty for using it every day and I’m scared I’ll become addicted and have withdrawals. Can someone give me some insight on this please?",xanax please help,4 +1003,"be patient with yourself. +its okay to say no. YOU are experiencing your life. nobody knows how you feel. your feelings are valid and its okay to set boundaries. its okay if you can‘t do it today. it takes a lot of energy for you to always fight against your worries and anxiety. so its totally understandable if you need some space and peace. + +dont surround yourself with people that drain your energy. its okay to let them go. this gives you more energy to focus on the good people and things in your life. + +i hope you have a good day today. but also dont have too much expectations. its totally fine if not everything is going to work out today.",just some thoughts for you,4 +1004,"long story short... trying to book a trip away and 2 of the 5 keep taking all suggestions and twisting/changing. +other 3 have got fed up and just let them plan it their way. +I get so anxious and stressed when planning stuff anyway because I'm a control freak (maybe OCD about it?), and the thought that they get their own way everytime just cause the rest don't want an argument really annoys me but I don't know why? +any advice or just friendly support welcome!",Others getting their own way.. how to not care,4 +1005,"Hello, + +I've been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks my whole life, and while I take a ridiculous amount of meds for it including lorazapam, pregablin etc, I was informed about Magnesium and I wanted to share this with you. + +So a lot of us get anxiety attacks triggered by the stress hormone cortisol, magnesium works by by stimulating the production of melatonin and serotonin which boost your mood and help you sleep. Magnesium also reduces the production of cytokines and cortisol, which lead to increased inflammation and stress. + +It's important that you don't over do it as you can poison yourself with magnesium, and you also have to make sure it's aspartate, citrate, lactate, and chloride forms as oxide apparently doesn't absorb as well. + +Speak to your pharmacist or Dr if you're mixing medication, but I have been able to reduce the amount of lorazapam I've needed since starting mag and its helped a lot with sleep. I'm truly impressed.",Some advice to my people,4 +1006," I was wondering if anybody has had nausea with one SSRI but not with some other one? + +I am taking Zoloft and nausea is pretty bad, even with the one half of 50 mg tablet. I dont know if switching SSRIs would be beneficial or this side effect would remain the same? + +What is interesting is that I have taken Zoloft 15 yeras ago with absolutely no issues at at all, and now I feel like I am taking a poison. I don't understand this at all. + +Thanks!",need help with SSRI nausea,4 +1007,"Lately I’ve been having this massively irrational fear of my food being laced with LSD or some other form of psychedelics. I won’t eat something that’s been already opened regardless of whether or not it’s mine, which has led to me not only wasting food, but actively avoiding eating unless I make it right there, and even then it takes quite a bit of effort. This in turn has also led me to having a fear of an undiagnosed mental illness, and I can’t quite afford to go to a doctor currently to figure out if that is the case. + +I’ve only ever been technically “drugged” once when the cannabis my friend bought was laced with PCP a few months ago but this fear extends back to when I was around fifteen (twenty three now). I’ve done acid only twice and while I did enjoy it, it’s not something I’m likely to do again, and I rarely smoke cannabis or drink, but I did do a lot of both for a few years. + + Obviously nobody is gonna waste good acid on me but the fear is constantly there to the point that I yelled at my brother the other day for jokingly pretending to drop something into my Gatorade on the way to work (he’s unaware of this fear) and threw it away despite it being completely full, and even avoided eating the cookies my mom brought down for Christmas, which made me feel awful as there is absolutely no way my mom would ever do anything like that to me. + +I’m iffy on telling anybody close to me about this fear for a few reasons, the main one being the irrationality of it all, but I also do not want to be sent to an inpatient center (again, can’t afford it) as I was for depression as a minor. Sorry for the rambling wall of text but I just need to know if this is signs of a more major illness or at the very least how I can possibly cope with it.",Horrible Fear of Food Being Drugged,4 +1008,"I have hurry sickness and it's linked to my anxiety and BPD. It causes me so much anxiety because I always feel like I need to do many things at the same time or short period of time. +I drink my coffee in about 5 minutes, then I read a book for an hour, then I listen to music and surf the web for a non-specific reason. Everything has to be done very fast, and well-planned, if not, I get impatient, irritable, and anxious. +It's pretty exhausting and I realized it's a problem going on for two years now. I did not pay too much attention to this before, since I didn't even know there was a term for this condition. + +Does anyone else experience something similar? How are you dealing with it?",Hurry sickness is driving me crazy. Does anyone else have this?,4 +1009,"I was prescribed Zoloft 25mgs and a blood pressure medication to take when I’m in a panic. I’m nervous but honestly relieved to be put on something. I’ve been struggling so bad and I’m so tired. I was diagnosed with GAD, social anxiety, and depression. I’m finally putting myself and my mental health first and working to make myself better.",Just got done with my first psychiatric evaluation,4 +1010,"I am currently under an intense care plan as an outpatient at a mental health hospital. One of the nurses suggested asking for an extra amount of allowance. 'well off' (but not rich) parents completely fund me while I'm at university as my loan is less than my rent. + +I was debating asking for weeks, me and my parents have had a strained relationship in the past to say the least, some definitely their fault, some a mix of both of our faults. Anyway, it's left a gap between us that I haven't been brave enough to cross. + +But last night I asked them, told them I wasn't struggling with the current allowance it would purely be for an extra nice thing a week to help me get by during these times. IMO they've blown it way out of proportion, they wanted a phone call today to log all my spending and now they're wanting to come and visit me TODAY. It's sending my anxiety haywire this is why I don't open up or ask anything from my parents. + +What do I do? Say no to them visiting all together? I'm 100% fine with keeping the current allowance, I just want a yes or a no to have some closure on this conversation with my parents. + +So, I'll repeat my question: (with your limited knowledge of my life) What do I do??",Asked my parents (who I don't live with) for an extra 10 or so a week spending money and they've turned it into a big thing,4 +1011,"Hey guys, I have an on-site interview after being a complete depressed, socially angst hermit for the last 6 months. When I say I didn’t go out of my house more than 4 times in 6 months, best believe it😂 +I applied for a job and I have to fly to another state for it. I thought things were getting better with me but my anxiety is through the roof just thinking about the travel, but mostly the interview. It’s a 2hour session from 10-12pm. +I usually take 10 mg of propranolol, but I don’t think it ll be enough. Do you guys think it’s ok to take 20mg. Before you ask me to ask my doctor, he said I should take 10-20 mg but I have never taken 20 mg before and I am scared I ll pass out or I won’t be able to breath (had asthma when I was younger). +I was thinking maybe of taking one at 8am and then another at 9.30am-ish. +What do you guys think? Anyone with experience? +Also I m a “little” female despite being in my mid 30s . 5 feet and 110lbs",Please help!,4 +1012,"I've had nightmare neighbors which my housing have ignored for years the ball is finally rolling but I'm freaking out as they are having the housing officer in question and community officer who doesn't speak up about things they said that were incorrect previously to come for this talk, where were going to discuss their failings. + +Injustice and lying really trigger my anxiety and emotion regulation so I'm wondering what I could do in this meeting to relax? Right now all I can think of is music in one ear and camomile tea",Coping mechanisms for trigger scenario,4 +1013,My fiancée and i got into a horrible fight this morning. I dont want to get into details but its to the point where she may just want me to leave. Im freaking out. Im an alcoholic but sober 3 years and the anxiety im now experiencing from this is same i had when i drank. Its messing with me but more so this is something i gotta work through. I just want to sleep. Im inconpacitated i feel like. Theres so much to do. But i want to just get past this and move on. We both just flipped out on each other but more so cause i started my day off bad. I don't start my day off bad it doesnt get to this point. Or at least suppress it until the day got better. Im just torn up inside. Feel like i messed everything up. I really did.,Freaking out,4 +1014,"Hi just wondering if anybody knows about if doctors think you are drug seeking do they put that on your record? +I went to doctors yesterday, didn’t see my usual GP, it was about spinal pain that radiates up my back, only seems to hurt after physical activity which is weird but concerning to me. The day before appointment I went gym & done some light training on back muscles which really set it off, was painful & felt weird afterwards like weakness in my arms, bit dizzy and just a general weak feeling like really weak and disorientated. She was not helpful at all, basically done a quick op’s check, checked my back briefly & said it seems ok. She said to rest on weekend and see how I go, she said hot water bottle. The more im thinking about my appointment with a her yesterday I get the impression she feels I was drug seeking. I never asked for any drugs but I feel she was misunderstanding me being concerned with trying to get drugs. She said something when I sat down like “you’re looking to discuss pain management” I didn’t really take it in as was really anxious and tired so I said yeah about my spine then proceeded to talk about my concerns, but not once did I say anything about wanting medications/drugs. I’m annoyed now I should of been clear that I would of liked a referral to be checked out or something. I’m on pregabalin for anxiety (it also just happens to be a nerve pain drug) and she said few times about you’ll have review soon with usual GP to see if it’s helping my anxiety and not just about pain management. She also said you’ve only upped dosage 10 days ago. I didn’t really take it in properly at the time but I feel she thinks I was trying to up my dose or get pain meds? I’m worried now that it will be on my notes and I’m also frustrated that I didn’t correct her properly. Any advice or help on this would be appreciated im very anxious about this, I feel I was totally misunderstood and I don’t like the thought of her putting on notes I was looking for pain management or medication to help that. I also noticed as I was leaving she done a frustrated sigh. This experience has made me feel invalidated, misunderstood and made my anxiety and depression worse. I’m struggling mentally very very bad to say the least.",Doctors notes/records,4 +1015,,how do you stop being scared of death?,4 +1016,"I was just wondering if anyone is paranoid about C19? + +I am still masking up, trying to keep my distance and washing and anti-baccing my hands like its going out of fashion.",C19,4 +1017,"Tldr, been medicating and going to therapy for about 2-3 weeks. Feeling better than where I was, but still struggling, mainly at nights. Have health anxiety and hate feeling [insert sensation/feeling here] and if keeps me from sleeping. + +Just really wishing I lived with friends to always be in arms reach of a hug. I need those right now.",Struggling. Could use some support.,4 +1018,"It’s gotten hot where I live meaning it’s officially Spring meaning it’s officially anxiety season, wooo! + +It is currently 4:30 AM, it’s too hot for me to sleep, and the heat is giving me anxiety. The air conditioning is *SUPPOSED* to be on, but it’s been broken in this room for like a year and my mom refuses to admit it’s broken, saying that it’s just cause the room is over the garage. Which I KNOW isn’t true because I’d still be able to at least HEAR or FEEL the air conditioning running but it DOESNT. + +It’s kinda funny (not really, but if I don’t laugh I WILL have a mental breakdown) that Spring and Summer are the worst for my anxiety when almost everyone else (*cough* neurotypicals *cough*) tend to LOVE those seasons. Ass that to the list of im just weird I guess lol",The anxiety seasons have started,4 +1019,"Today is actually the day all my worries are transformed in real situations, let's start +First of all, my grandma's sister birthday, I totally forgot about . Than said that I would come, but I forgot about gift and overslept, than was to anxious to go, and called said I'm sick, than I received a message from my coworker like hah where are you the event is starting, I totally forgot about this than I fucked up with my student, rescheduling our lesson like 3-5 times ( because I thought I would maybe go on a birthday)and finally telling that I'm sick to her as well because well at this moment I was already crying because how irresponsible and stupid this situation is, and also it would be so strange to do this lesson with her after not going to the event, and the event is still going, I probably should get there, but it's to overwhelming at this point, I also will not go to the birthday party for the same reason, to much stress for me already, I want to just disappear, I try so hard to remember everything and it just happenes.. It is so so stupid and I mean I'm completely useless anyway, like who the hell lives with memory troubles at 20 , it feels like some disorder at this point ( I forget a lot of things) +My mom is dating an alhogolic and last couple of weeks were a nightmare. +I didn't sleep normal for a long time because of this situation and last night was a disaster +A lot of other troubles financial, with studying +And at the end right now I feel like literally throwing up from the level of anxiety that I experience","Work, life, anxiety(f20)",4 +1020,"Greetings people I hope you're having a good day. First of all how are your experiences with coffee and antipsychotic meds? I've been on Abilify and Alprazolam for years never had been feeling alert on them always either sleepy or have weird feeling in my stomach. Now I've tried everything with these meds be it smoking or alcohol I stopped all of it because it caused very nasty problems with me when I stopped I finally felt myself even through I've read on Wikipedia that coffee can also cause problems when you take these meds it's says even small amounts can cause side effects that's called caffeine induced anxiety. + +I'm not really sure how am I supposed to be awake I mean I'm unemployed still in hands of my parents and other family members who take care of me and understand my problems but how did you manage to stay awake without coffee or did coffee really help you without feeling weird all time while on meds? It would be stupid for me to sleep all day and miss some important events or have fun chatting with friends or playing video games or better yet studying different topics like electrical engineering or making homemade circuits. Not electrical engineer just doing something for hobby.",Coffee and antipsychotics,4 +1021,"I have a question, so when i am out in public i feel like everyone is looking at me, but then i start feeling like I’m in a dream, like a lucid dream. I can but i feel like i cant think thoughts and only focus on doing what I’m supposed to do. I also feel like my head is fogged up inside too in public lol. Im not the happiest person to be honest and since maybe half a year ago I’ve stopped caring abt things and when i think of something and it gets a little complicated i just quit thinking abt it, i dont care enough to think about anything for some reason. Can someone please tell me if its anxiety or is there something wrong with me.",Question,4 +1022,"I know it’s contradictory but yeah. Not sure if this has to do with being a perfectionist or if it’s something else. I enjoy the “rush” of learning new things and knowing things, but when it push comes to shove and I need to practice what I’m learning, that’s when I usually find out I still have a long way to go and will have to fail and make mistakes and actually suck at that thing for a while. It’s like I just want to skip to the “good” part. I feel like the work is only productive/useful when it’s good. + +How do you even deal with the uncomfortable parts of learning and growing? :( + +I just keep pushing on but sometimes it feels like I’m making no progress at all. And I know that “slow progress is still progress” but then my anxiety kicks in with bullsh*t like “other people are staying up and working their asses off while you’re celebrating a tiny step forward.”",Being bad at something new gives me anxiety,4 +1023,I used propranolol for anxiety and stress but I quitted after 3 weeks because I had too much side effects. The day I began too lower my dosage untill stopping I have experienced excessive sweating around my sit area. And by that I mean abnormally much. Is this something related to betablockers and has anyone had a similair experience with this?,"I used beta blockers for 3 weeks and quitted, now I'm sweating abnormally in my private area, is this normal?",4 +1024,"I’ve been dealing with some anxiety issues my whole life. I’ve had lots of trama and was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child. Never being able to focus and always the most loud and distributive( in school). I used to stay up at night as a kid because after watching the slightest scary movie I would be afraid. Anyways the point of the backstory is to give you a sense of who I was. Lately within the past year my anxiety has been through the roof. I find it very hard to focus and have lots of thoughts at once. Even some that just pop into my head. I can hear other peoples tone of voice. Not like big conversation. My anxiety was so high I was getting lots of physical symptoms heart palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath to which I thought I had a heart problem. So I went to the doctors and got all the tests and didn’t believe my heart was fine until I got the results. I thought about this everyday. To which now I think this might had been a delusion. My point is I’m very worried I’m developing Schizophrenia. My family does have a history of mental health issues.I know this post is confusing and if I’m worried about my mental health I should see a doctor. But I’m just looking for advice. + +**Edit** +I would like to add that for a long time when I went home after a long day I could not relax to fall asleep. My mind would be racing. The only way I could describe it is like a radio. In order to drown it out I would have to put on music to fall asleep.",Advice,4 +1025,I do have a check up appointment with the doctor next week but I’m nervous maybe it’s not working for me :(,I have been taking 20mg citalopram for 9 days now - I am feeling more depressed/dissociative/unmotivated/tired than ever/before - does it get better? Is this normal?,4 +1026,"(Gonna be a little long, gonna rant a bit) + +Little back story, 20-year-old male, no past history of major anxiety other than flying on planes etc.. + +Last year from January to April was feeling the best I have ever felt in my life! worked out 6-7 days a week, confidence was high, and not a care in the world. I would say around May, I started getting increasingly fatigued every day. As the days went on, it felt like I was detached from reality. By the end of the year, I felt so detached, fatigued, and had major brain fog. I have a small bump on the back of my head, it doesn't hurt, I got it checked out and the doc said it could be a skull deformity. I dont believe her. I convinced myself that I had something wrong with me, and I went down the rabbit hole of self-diagnosing by reading google (i know worst idea ever). I could only function to the fraction I could before my snapping point. I felt so depolarized and had no energy at this point. I convinced myself I had a chronic illness that I was going to die from (I still belive this), I got every scan and lab work done. Nothing came of it. I had no idea what was causing all of these symptoms. Fast forward to January, I started a very stressful college class. It is an intensive academy-type class. I thought I had my stress pretty well controlled but in February I had my first panic attack ever. Went to school that day feeling fine, didn't eat breakfast, but drank 180mg of caffeine (I usually have \~300mg a day). During the afternoon portion of the class, I felt this sense of impending doom, and shortness of breath and it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. For 2 hours my HR was in the \~130s. I had no Idea what was going on and felt like I was gonna die. So my teacher wanted me transported to the ER, My EKG came back normal, sinus tachycardia (fast heart rate). They pulled labs and everything was normal except for low magnesium and potassium. They gave me some fluids and discharged me. For the next few days my heart rate was a constant 120 even when resting and my anxiety was through the roof! It sucked! My doctor then prescribed me Lexapro, and man oh man, hats of to anyone that could get through that first phase of Lexapro. It trashed me, constant panic attacks, SOB, tingling, the whole 9 yards. I stopped after 5 days due to the fact that I didn't want to be tied to a pill at such a young age. Since my panic attack, Ive had constant anxiety. Im having anxiety about things Ive never worried about before! it sucks! Its like I have to experience all these things over again (like driving) to tell myself there is nothing to be anxious about. Ill also be sitting in the most comfortable place in my house, not stressed at all, then my heart rate will kick off to the \~120s for the whole day. Do you guys experience this? I also feel like I'm having heart palpitations. It feels like my heart is in my throat and I can't catch my breath. It sucks! Every time I stand up my heart rate jumps. It takes a long time for me to calm down and convince myself I'm not dying. I know my case is minor to some cases Ive read but damn Im having a hard time with this. Im in constant fear and anxious about having another anxiety attack and passing out. Im trying everything I can before I commit to an antidepressant. Im trying L theanine, Ashwagandha, and magnesium. I got prescribed adarax but it doesn't seem to help like ativan does. I just want my old life back. Is this normal? Does it get better? will it be like this forever? how did you guys get over your anxiety? tips? medications? Thank you all for taking time and reading my post I really appreciate it. I just really need some help...",Anxiety has ruined my life... I need some advice/help,4 +1027,"This has bee driving me mental for a year now as you can probably tell from my post history. + +Only way I can describe it is I get sudden episodes where I feel sick, like I'm falling, warm rush feeling and tight head then I snap out of it again. + +When it's really bad I almost feel numb and out of my own body like everything's in slow motion. + +Can happen standing sitting laying down. + +Drives me absolutely mental because I just cannot reconcile how anxiety could cause this so I constantly worry it's my heart. + +Anyone else get this? What helped stop it for good?",Anxiety dizziness - What does everyone's feel like?,4 +1028,"Has anyone had vitamin c deficiency, and how long did supplementation take to affect anxiety?",Vitamin c deficiency?,4 +1029,"I know I have some cavities because I went to the dentist sometime last year and they scheduled an appointment for fillings but when I showed up, no one was there and they wouldn't answer my calls for months so I gave up. But tonight I was looking at my teeth and I'm pretty sure I see one. I don't see any actual black or decay, just an indent that was hiding behind some tartar, but everyone's always told me that once you can see a cavity it's already too far and the tooth usually needs to be pulled (might not be true, just what I've been told) + I'm hopefully going to make an appointment on Monday but I'm so nervous because my teeth are terrible. I don't have any missing or rotting teeth but I can never remember to brush them and I had hg a couple years ago that turned into a 3 year long problem of throwing up multiple times a day. So they're yellow, have a ton of build up, and I'm pretty sure they told me I have gum disease at my last appointment. I'm so worried they're going to judge me and think I'm disgusting. I'm also terrified of getting fillings because the numbing shots never work fully for me so it's always super painful. + I checked their website and it says that they offer nitrous, conscious sedation, and iv sedation but I'm not even sure my insurance will pay for ""unnecessary sedation"" since nitrous makes me freak out. And then, how would I ask for it without sounding like a drug seeker?? I'm sorry if this seems like rambling. I'm just freaking out.",Terrified of going to the dentist,4 +1030,I invited my friend over to stay because it was late but I have crippling germophobia and ocd. I feel horrible because I love my friend to bits. but im so triggered rn because I cleaned the toilet and we didn't have gloves and I don't know if she used it yet and now im terrified of having a disease I can't stop spiraling,germ anxiety please help,4 +1031,I keep panic and telling my parent I need to go to the E.R.I keep having panic attack I use the restroom and i have a panic attack which cause my scalp to feel like it's burning I keep having a little chest pain and think in having a heart attacks. I have had headaches for the past 10 too 11 days and keep thinking I'm having a brain anyersum or stroke any little pain in my head makes me panic and spiral. I've been trying to play through my favorite resident evil games but it just won't distract me anymore im just panicking over and over. I sometimes think it would be better if I wasn't here anymore so I wouldn't bug anyone. Or wouldn't feel this pain all the doctors say im fine but I don't feel fine. I also feel like stress won't end even if I'm not thinking about any pain will cause me to panic.,I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE ITS SO HARD TO KEEP GOING...,4 +1032,"What to use when you are stressing a lot +Maybe some vitamins or minerals?",What to use,4 +1033,"My friend came for a sleepover today and we went in my room. He didnt ask or anything and just sat in my bed. After some time he layed in it, had my plushies in his arm, the blanked over him and the pillows under his head and I just wanted to scream. I still feel so uncomfortable. I can't wait him to be gone so I can change my bed sheets and wash everything. He also changed the position of my bedtable And I feel like ripping my skin of, I can't stand the feeling, and goddamn HE HAD SCHOOL CLOTHES ON. And went in. My. Bed. I changed the sheets not a while ago and they were all clean and now not. I don't even allow myself to lay in my bed with dirty clothes. I need to shower, put on fresh clothes and then I can lay in my bed. I had the problem of people just simply touching anything in my bed since I was little, They always bullyed me and extra jump on it, ect. I always cried because of it and It still didnt change. I'm so sensitive about anyone on my bed, I even feel disgusted if my mom sits on it just a tiny bit. There is no excuse ,everyone I know makes me uncomfortable when beeing on my bed. Does it have to do with my adhd? Is it autism? OCD? PTSD? or am I just weird? I'm slowly going insane, someone help me.",Am I weird?,4 +1034,"It has been a stressful time for me (just moved countries). I have always seen things out of the corner of my eye but didn’t think anything of this. The last few weeks has gotten more noticeable. Last night I kept seeing shadows to the point I could not move of the couch until I forced myself too. All day it’s been happening, thinking I see things like figures and having images that are horror related come into my head. Every noise I hear I’m instantly scared. + +Has anyone had instances like this? It’s getting to the point of when my dogs bark I start to cry because I’m so scared.",Paranoia,4 +1035,"I finally got the courage to talk to a professional today for my anxiety. I got prescibed medication and I told my mom, expecting she would be glad for me. She was not. + +She got super angry and told me anxiety is not real, and that the medical and drug industries are just a big mafia looking to exploit people for profit. She told me I'm just going to get worse and that the medication will turn me into a lethargic zombie. + +Also she didn't approve that the dr. gave me a 2 week sick leave from work and made me feel bad for ""skipping work"". + +I feel so bad now. Maybe I shouldn't have seeked help after all?",My mom doesn't believe anxiety is real,4 +1036,"At the time I was sober going on 18, 19 years. I was, and am on disability since 09' for schizoaffective bipolar type disorder. + +For the longest time, especially since sobriety, I've been overwhelmed with thinking. Space, time, behavior, tornadoes...whatever. + +But, since my life was an unmanaged train wreck I had no confidence in myself as having any quality. It seems that feeling good about yourself comes from a well managed life. + + +My last job was as a janitor on the army base near by roughly 5 years ago. I couldnt handle the pressure. I was so dependant on others for everything I was asking if I was sweeping properly. Very bad mindset. A lady mentioned crying and it made me feel like crying. I didnt understand how that could be. It seemed like witchcraft, so to speak. That was my last day at my last job. It was my 4th attempt to go back to work since my disability badge acquisition! + +I've been in therapy for 16 or 17 years ago I got into therapy from a mental health episode. During that visit at the crisis stabilisation unit in Virginia (Fredricksburg) I met a man that changed my life. He went by the name Bose Uncle. He taught me a breathing exercise. 3 in 6 out. You breath in deep for 3 seconds roughly then out for 6 seconds. Also roughly. Dont try to be specific like me and do it exactly 3 and 6. + +On down the road, life and me under pressure and practicing my breathing because sufferage bleep blop bloop, pandemic. Overwhelming, unadulteraded pain in the brain from an anxiety I'd never expierenced before I saw a vision. It seemed to be the exact same thing that happened to Bill Wilson from AA. A wind blew through me. His words. My words on it are, I was no longer a bound up point in time and space holding on to the memories from the stimulation from the moment. I was free from the tension that came about from the fucking utter bullshit that exists. I let it go. The moment. I stopped holding and figuring. + +&#x200B; + +It was like my being afraid got wore out. I remember specifiaclly saying to myself at the height of my pain in a ridgid bodily posture laying in my recline, ""bullshit."" I calle dbullshit on my old beliefs. That old fire and brimstone god. Intstead I chose ""my concept"" of life as my God. My ideas are good to. Changed life. + + +About six months later I nearly died from pancreatitis. When I got home from 6 days in the hospital I shared it on facebook. I received a good number of get well soon messages as expected. I did not get what I thought I would. People coming to visit, bringing me food...all that. I nearly fucking died. I know hundreds of people. What does that mean? My perception is fucked up, my beghhvior is fucked up, I need to change. + + +I did not think that way at first. At first I thought, ""I fucking hate everyone."" For a while. + +Then 6 months later, I got diagnosed with autism. April 24th 2021. + + +6 months later after learning to relax, I rested on my heels for the first time in my life. This began the second chapter of my life. The taking my time portion. The I am the most impotant person in my life to me. You all come second. For ever. I no longer run to the kitchen, the bathroom, through the grocery store, drive fast, or move my limbs fast. I have even taken control of my eyes speed of movement. + + +Did you know that your body can control your mind. If you dont control your body your body will be controlled by your environment throught the mind. + + +You receive stimulus simply due to being a sensing being. This moves you. If you are not aware of it. Make yourself aware of this and take control of your body, the way you look, smell, move (behavior speed) amplitude of voice ...total bodily control and you can eliminate a great deal of your own suffering. I havew come off my depression meds and greatfully have finally been more aptly medicated with litium. Now I dont have to force myself into slow mo behavior but I do stay aware I think from a bit of fear. + + +You can control your thinking! + + +You can control your thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! + +&#x200B; + +I wish I could impress upon whomever needs it that the pause in conversation is ok. Moving the body oddly slow is not odd. Not speaking is an answer. And, you dont owe a motherfucker a goddamn thing if it stresses you out. + + Peace in east!","4 years ago I wasnt showering for months at a time, depressed, anxious and paranoid.",4 +1037,"I am physically and mentally very exhausted right now and I tried to fall asleep, but I’m so nauseous from my anxiety that I really just couldn’t and sometimes I just like want to feel normal so bad but I feel like I will never get there. My anxiety sucks so bad. I feel like most days it controls who i am and what i act like for that day. Today i went out with my friends and we had a good time but we ended up being outside a lot longer than we would and i got extremely cold and started panicking. We were far from everyone’s house and all i wanted was to go home. They came to my house afterwards and it was nice for a while but i was still feeling anxious. When they all left i felt immediately better like this huge weight on my chest being lifted off. it’s not that i don’t like my friends but being around people is so exhausting. I hate that im like this i just wanna feel normal so bad. I get anxious so easily and it won’t go away for hours. Then when i’m not feeling anxious i feel depressed. It constantly feels like a never ending storm or something. Like just when it starts to feel bright and the rain might stop it starts again and gets so dark. I’m constantly fighting just to stay sane and it’s so hard. All i want is to feel normal and okay, and maybe real because i’m constantly dissociating. (I do have a therapist btw)",I am tired of having anxiety,4 +1038,I've been trying to find YouTubers who talk about anxiety and things they may have done to help them. I just think it would be nice to find someone who shares similar experiences so I feel like I'm not crazy all the time lol. Anyone got anything? Thanks!,Any good YouTubers that talk about their experiences with anxiety?,4 +1039,"Hi everyone, I've had anxiety for the last 6 months or so in varying levels. From January I was in a decent headspace with it but the last three weeks it's got worse and then the last four days or so it's gone off a cliff. + +It's all I think about all day long, I had panic attacks on Monday and Wednesday and my heart is racing all day. Where before I'd wake up rested now I wake up with my heart racing and frequently my muscles are spasming which is scary. The thought of doing normal stuff feels impossible and I can't shake this feeling I can't get better than this ever again. + +I spoke to my doctor on Thursday and he prescribed propranolol which I took yesterday for the first time which helped with the body stuff but my mind was still racing. + +Has anyone experienced similar and have any tips? I feel like this is really really bad and worse than most people have anxiety.",Had a really bad turn the last few days,4 +1040,"For tonight’s players we have: weird jaw moment, chest tightness and irrational thoughts! Feat: what’s causing my moment of low sugar - new keto diet or new symptom. +Thanks for playing!",Welcome to todays game of is this anxiety or am I dying?,4 +1041,"I have severe anxiety, when I’m really stressed or get triggered I zone out completely . It’s really scary does anyone else experience this? it’s like the lights are on but nobodies home.",Does anyone else experience Catalonia ?,4 +1042,"I was diagnosed with an other-specified anxiety disorder for about a year now and that sent me into a tailspin during my diagnosis. I was doing therapy consistently since then and felt like I had a handle on things but was triggered into another episode a month ago. + +I just feel disconnected and kind of dead now. I've had on and off anxiety the whole month, it's affected my relationship, I'm exhausted all the time, struggling also with stomach issues and feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. My partner has tried to be supportive but I can tell it wears him down. I can't see how I can keep doing this and feeling like this forever. I don't even know what I'm looking for from this post but I just wanted to write something out because I feel tired and sad and alone.","Overwhelmed, tried, struggling",4 +1043,"Every week there’s a new flavor of death on the horizon. Liver disease, cardiovascular disease, colorectal cancer, brain amoeba, HIV, esophageal cancer, and so on. + +I’m living my life convinced that I’m going to prematurely die any moment. + +I have body dysmorphia and have never been able to take my shirt off in front of anyone, even when my significant other is the most reassuring person in the world. + +Every little ache, pain, mark, and feeling can set me down a rabbit hole. + +I plan to start therapy soon and am actively looking for a therapist for in person sessions in my area. If anyone is in the same boat as me or has ever been, would love to talk or hear your story. Thanks","Self diagnosed hypochondriac, actively looking to start therapy and looking for people with a similar situation",4 +1044,"Hi guys, so i was prescribed amoxicillin 500mg for my throat because the doc believed i had strep throat. I took my medication like it was instructed, 3 times a day for 10 days, but forgot to take it for 2 days. Now i am having a mild sore throat, is it too late to take it, or should i continue to take it, wiill it still work?","Amoxicillin 500mg, missed two days",4 +1045,"I live alone. Right now it is storming. Every night I lay awake wondering if someone or something has broke in. My eyes are tired. I know the doors are locked, but how do you get over this anxiety? I've been alone for 4 months.",How to shake the feeling someone or something gonna break into the house?,4 +1046,I know when I'm stressed and anxious. But there are times when I feel normal - but it is possible that I'm subconsciously stressed and anxious without even knowing it?,Can we have stress/anxiety without even knowing it?,4 +1047,So many thoughts just need a distraction someone please talk to me.,Please help,4 +1048,"I had gone to a barber 34 days back for a hair cut.And while cutting my hair, he put a towel on my neck and stopped it with a pin.But that pin stuck on my neck,Now I am afraid that can I get HIV from that pin?2 people had also got their hair cut before me and I do not recognize those people.Or if that barber has HIV and he pricks that pin on his finger and my nick at the same time?Nowadays I get sweaty while sleeping at night.And there are small nodes on my neck, when I touch I can feel those nodes.",Hiv anxiety,4 +1049,"can I just say, fuck health anxiety! I truly cannot tell if I should go to the doctor or if I’m making up a problem. I’m pretty sure I was spitting up blood just now but I think it might have been from my gums. i’m freaking out being on a new medication and i feel like it was a big mistake and something’s happening to my insides. it doesn’t help that my doctor doesn’t take mental health issues seriously. + +how do you all deal with health anxiety???",health anxiety,4 +1050,How can I control my thoughts instead of letting them overwhelm me ?,Overthinking,4 +1051,I’m away from home on a college tour for this weekend and I’m really anxious. I’m super fatigued and my stomach kinda hurts (I have emetophobia) and it’s freaking me out. I recently had covid so I’m worried it’s making a comeback. Could really use someone to talk to rn,Away from home,4 +1052,How can I stop having fear about my kids death? I’ll go in a spiral just thinking about it. It’s too irrational but scary.,Kids death,4 +1053,"I have a constant feeling of tightness in my chest. +No matter how i breathe i can never take a breath that feels relaxing and satisfying. +Sometimes when i don't pay attention to my breathing i subconsciously hold my breath for a few seconds only to gasp for air a few moments later. +Most of the time my breathing is shallow and irregular. + +A lifetime of anxiety and the associated sensation of having a hard time breathing makes me believe my nervous system have forgotten how to breath properly. + +Can anyone relate?",Have my body forgotten how to breath properly?,4 +1054,"I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a while now, I came to the realisation a few years ago that it has mainly stemmed from the relationship with my dad I had when I was younger. This is caused me to not be able to do tasks in front of people (wether they be simple or not) I just can’t do it. I start lightly trembling and thinking about how stupid I must look to whoever is watching me, this causes me to mess up even more. This is really stopped me from wanting to go out and get a job because I know that if the interview goes well (I actually do good in interviews weirdly) then I will eventually have to be shadowed and critiqued by someone while I learn the job. This dread has stopped me from going to 3 interviews now. Does anyone else get this? Sorry for the long post.",Anxiety stopping me from working,4 +1055,"I’ve been dealing with a really complex personal issue involving heartbreak/ loss of a person I deeply care about; certainly the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life thus far. As it stands, I already carry a level of anxiety with me, but with this added on to it, my body has been putting me through hell. I find myself dry heaving hard in the mornings especially, and then at times throughout the day. This has led to some really painful vomiting on several occasions. Its also occurred at my workplace, the gym, and several other public places without warning. I know there’s absolutely a psychosomatic part of all of this, but after almost three weeks, it’s becoming really problematic for me. + +Has anyone experienced something similar? Is this just something I have to power through? Are there any tricks to at least minimize it?",Dry heaving,4 +1056,Anyone up or available? I'm just not doing good right now my anxiety has me feeling like i can't breath and making me feel like my throat is gonna close (yea wierd) I know,Hi there,4 +1057,"I'm a 27 year old female. I've probably had anxiety all my life but have never spoken to a doctor or anyone about it. + +I feel like im just always in a constant state of worry. So much so that it drives me to have small OCD traits. Something as simple as fearing a house fire and having to do a series of steps checking lights before I leave the house. Over and over......and over again. It's weird. + +I'm always worrying about the future, past things I can't change, things I say or do after im with people, how people view me, if I have a ""too much"" gene. I'll sit and agonize over things that's so mild for someone to worry about but drives me up a wall. To the point of frustration where I just lose it and cry into a panic. + +I dont even know where to start to solve this. I feel like the past year it's been horrendous and getting increasingly worse. I'm good at playing it off. I'm good at putting on a show because I've always thought I could handle it- lots of people I know feel the same. But it's really starting to take a toll on my life and the things I'm doing or too afraid to even try to do. + +I feel like I use alcohol and drugs as a way to cope sometimes. Not an outrageous amount but I'll have a big drinking night and then will go a week without drinking cause I've worried myself into thinking I have a problem and need self control. + +I'm so good at people pleasing and acting like everything is fine but I feel like my mind is just in a dark place. Telling myself I'll never make it, that I'll always be alone, etc. + +It's really stupid things to stress over. Or at least stupid things to let myself worry about for more than a minute. + +Money is always a bug stress factor- for everyone of course but thats the main reason I think I've never gone to get help. I'm not sure how much it cost to afford the help I need or where to even go. Not to mention the fear I get trying to explain how I feel to someone and them thinking I'm crazy or I'm making it up- how sad to think a professional in this field would judge me.... + +I just feel like if I dont try to improve my overall mindset towards life then I wont have a fulfilling one. I'll be too afraid to try new things that scare me, I'll stick to my same safe routine, and I'll come home and cry over the big and small worries that run through my head daily. + +Where I do I start to fix this...?",Where do I begin to get help?,4 +1058,"On the one hand, it’s comforting to know that all of my worries about coming across as nervous or awkward are so out of proportion that people don’t even know I have anxiety. + +On the other hand, it feels sort of invalidating to my struggle, if that makes sense. This thing often consumes my life, and it’s frustrating that no one knows how hard I’m trying. They just think this is easy for me, that I can effortlessly raise my hand and speak in class like other people do. That’s not to say that I feel negatively toward the people who say this, more that it’s just generally frustrating that people have no idea. + +Have y’all thought about this too? Do you look at it a different way?","People often say “Really?” when I tell them I have anxiety, and I have mixed emotions about it.",4 +1059,"Sounds stupid, but whenever I feel my anxiety go through the roof and make me nauseunauseouss, McDonald's fries always help ground me for whatever reason...",Does anyone else have their anxiety relieved by McDonald's fries????,4 +1060,"A bit of background: I was diagnosed with ocd and gad about 15 years ago. Been very much under control for the most part. + +I’m 32 years old and just started dating an incredible 31 year old woman about a month ago. I’ve dated a lot over the past few years, but this is the first time in ages where I’ve REALLY been into the person. Normally it feels like the people I date like me more than I like them, and anxiety doesn’t play a role. I just go about my day with a calm mind and do what needs to be done. But now it feels like the roles are reversed, and I’m getting crushed. + +Constant thoughts of whether or not she likes me, obsessing over every word in her texts to try interpreting meaning, freaking out if she’s doesn’t respond to my messages within a couple hours. It’s taking over my life. My work is slipping, I can’t sleep well, a constant awful sick panicked feeling in the pit of my stomach. + +It doesn’t help that she’s very reticent with her emotions and does not offer much words of affection or validation. But I don’t want to scare her off with my intense feelings so on the surface I’ve been playing it cool the best I can. I almost wish she would just end things with me so I could move on, because not knowing how she feels is the worst part. + +I don’t know what to do.",I’m dating someone I really like and it’s absolutely killing me,4 +1061,"This technique helped me to develop awareness of my thoughts and feelings as observer. Also it helped me to heal my anxiety and neurosis. I call this “Back of head method”. I hope you try it and it works. + +If your attempt was successful and you started feeling calmness and ease, i recommend you to regularly practice this method for months to get good results. You won’t even recognize your reaction to impulses after long practice.","Try to massage the back of your head with your palm, and then concentrate on feeling it and imagine that you are thinking your thoughts and feeling feelings there.",4 +1062,"I just started a new job that has the absolute best work environment ever. However, it's answering phones, and of course that's not ideal for me. The sheer amount of information I have to navigate is overwhelming; every question is entirely unique, and I'm beginning to feel really stupid and out of sorts. It's not rocket science, just selling hotel rooms-- any advice on how to stay calm and collected??",Working in a call center,4 +1063,"So the preface, I’m someone in my early twenties living with my parents. My parents have been fighting for years, occasionally physically. This would usually include my mom knocking in my dad’s door to argue with him. These arguments would usually start with topics that included bills, taxes, or myself, that would eventually escalate to more personal matters I will not get into too much here. I used to try to intervene when things got too heated since they can’t stop themselves, but recently I have decided not to so anymore as the last time I tried to intervene, my mom did physically attack me (I didn’t get hurt, I was just standing in front of my dad and she lurched at me). + +Last night, she called me to ask if I could knock on my dad’s door, since he wasn’t responding to her calls, because she “needed to pay a bill.” I knew that this wasn’t just about a bill, so I compromised and sent him a text instead, I even sent her a screenshot as proof. And I wasn’t going to call him/wake him up in the middle of the night unless it was an emergency, as I would consider it to be rude to do so. + +She then says “don’t worry your little head about, go back to sleep or whatever, okay?” + +Then, she called me again, this time saying “What are the consequences gonna be? Knock on the fucking door.” I declined, saying I don’t want to be a part of whatever was going on between them, and she should talk to him about this, to which she said “I know. He’s your loving dad, and I’m the evil mom.” + +I said goodnight to her, she laughs and responded with “not goodnight. Good bye.” + +I say that I will talk to her tomorrow, and she replies “I’ll never talk to you again. Not tomorrow, not the next day, or the next.” + +She then calls me twice then immediately hangs up. + +She calls me one more time that night, here are the things she said when I declined to knock on my dads door again: + +“I ask you to do one simple thing, and you didn’t do it. It’s just a simple thing! I tried calling your dad, and he isn’t answering me. It’s not like you’re picking sides or anything! Translation: “Look at what I do for you! And yet, you can’t this simple task for me? Well then I will rescind my love for you!” + +“It’s not like you’re picking sides or anything!” + +“You’re full of shit, just like him (my dad).” + +“Where has your dad been all of your life?” + +“You need to take responsibility.” + +“Is this what one of your councilors told you to say, the one that I pay [x amount of money, I don’t exactly remember].” + +“You don’t even know what is going on.” + +“But fine. You can do whatever- go to sleep, wake up in the morning, do whatever you do.” + +Me: “ok. Goodnight, mom.” + +And finally, I said goodnight to her, and she said: “Don’t call me mom. Just say good night.” + +That’s not to say my dads innocent either or anything - he’s hella toxic and has treated my mom poorly as well, so it is hard to tell where the abuse and victimization starts and ends between the two of them. Basically, they’re both each others abusers and victims, if that makes any sense at all. + +But I do believe he is the safer parent, as although he can, at his worst, make me feel very uncomfortable to be around him, as he is kind of an asshole at times, I don’t feel like my safety is threatened around him, unlike with my mom. He’s a lesser of two evils , if you will. + +So I just feel really anxious right now. I did not want to be used as a pawn against dad, and my mom immediately associated me with him. So, now I’m afraid that when she comes home, she will start to treat exactly like she treats dad, or worse. I’m afraid she might start pounding my door and attacking verbally and physically. + +Okay that is all, I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading this.",I’m Afraid My Mom Might Hurt Me,4 +1064,"I'm becoming numb and I don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm not diagnosed with anxiety, but I know I have it. Even being aware, I don't feel better. It sucks. I'm a good person. I don't say that a lot but I am. Why is this happening to me? Overthinking every stupid thing, nail-biting, the constant hatred for myself and others. It doesn't help. As a kid, I've always known that something is wrong with me. But I'm too scared to tell my parents because if it's confirmed, it means I'm sick. I am not okay and I want help. But I'm so used to being the person who helps not being helped. I always put on a fake smile and am never in a bad mood; no one suspects it. + +I feel so alone. I should be used to it but ever since I've got friends, I want to spend time with them. It doesn't help because we have a huge fight and I keep overthinking it. I wanted to feel better because I somehow convince myself my feelings are fake and that I'm doing it for attention. So, I took a pathology test, and the result was too much for me. The questions felt so attacking and my stomach hurt every time I clicked a yes or a no. The result was that it is 90 % sure I have anxiety. My stomach dropped seeing that. While I was happy, I was right at some point, I felt retarded. That realization that is actually something wrong with me was horrifying. I don't mean to degrade anyone, but I felt horrible.",Something is wrong with me... (Trigger warning),4 +1065,"I can’t for the life of me talk to people. I instantly think that if I talk to them I’ll annoy them. I feel like a burden if I do talk about how I feel, but if I don’t then I get told to talk about my feelings. Even talking to someone in passing is terrible. I put words together in my head but I say something completely different.",Speaking.,4 +1066,"Everyday I overthink things and make myself anxious by doing so. Thoughts like ""are they talking about me?"" ""Do they hate me?"" ""Am I doing this right?"" And stuff like that. A lot of thoughts are just me being anxious that I'm a horrible person. What can I do to decrease/have better reactions to these anxious thoughts?",How can I decrease my anxious thoughts?,4 +1067,Having bad anxiety over my tongue. I have on the side of my tongue this white thing and I tried getting it out but it's hard and I'm having anxiety over what it can be I've never seen this before if anyone can relate please,Possible trigger warning / anxiety over tongue,4 +1068,"If so, what are your thoughts? I like it so far but mostly just because it triggers my ASMR. + +Did you have success?",Has anyone tried EMDR therapy? I just started.,4 +1069," +Ok so kinda a weird post, and I’m not sure if it belongs here, but I figured this sub was probably the best one for it. I also tried the social anxiety sub, but my post was instantly removed. So basically I have this huge fear of asking my mom for things because I think she will judge me for them. I don’t have this fear around anyone else (I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks of me) but for some reason I have it with her. I’m not talking about little things like asking for something at the store or asking for basically any necessity. I’m talking about bigger things like hair dye, piercings, or really anything to do with clothing. For example, recently I worked up the confident to ask her over text if I could dye my hair, which she is fine with, however later that day when she asked me to show her pictures of what I want, I chickened out and got to scared to show her. It’s like I knew she would say yes, but I was still to scared to show her because I was afraid she’d say something judgmental to me. She has always been sorta judgmental towards me but I really want to get over this fear because it prevents me from getting a lot of the things I really want. Is there anything I can do?",Scared to ask mom for things because of judgement,4 +1070,Hello everyone I hope you’re okay. I was just playing FIFA and boom a big palpitation hit I started to panic felt lightheaded because I was holding my breath because I was so tense and then calmed down. I have had my heart checked 7 times 2 of which are private best testing ones and it’s perfect so I know it’s not going to harm me but still catches me off guard I think it’s more of the fact I was leaning forward that it felt harder and the fact I was breathing in lol. Anyway ! I was laying in bed thinking I need to just once and for all get over all of the symptoms that are making me scared of being I’ll and dying. How can I do that ???? GET OVER MY FEAR OF DYING now I’m not saying I’m perfectly fine with death because I am not but I just thought to myself I can’t stop death and I just need to accept it. If there isn’t a god I won’t know about dying after if there is a God I could go to heaven which is great and who knows I could reincarnate and live life again. We don’t know so it’s the anxiety of not knowing which scares me and leaving my family behind. Like I say I’m a healthy 22 year old male with NO health conditions death can happen at anytime and could happen the next minute but for my age and health it is unlikely but never zero. Now I’m religious and I am sort of anxious in my mind that God is trying to get me to accept death so I can die soon lol but I don’t wanna die soon that’s why I’m scared off. That’s just my anxious mind thinking right ? I guess the positive way of looking at it is that God is getting me to get over my fear of death so I can live the LONG HAPPY HEALTHY LIFE that he put out for me. Can anyone help me accept death even more ?,I had a mini win !,4 +1071,"Going through a really challenging situation atm and it's made me realise I've been avoiding tough feelings for a long time, maybe all my life. + +Now that I see this am trying to just let them flow, and breathe through it, but it's really really hard, and it hurts, and is scary, and my avoidance habits are strong. + +I'll keep trying, but if anyone has any advice / experience with this that you can share, the support would be very welcome.",Feel the feelings,4 +1072," +Hey r/anxiety, + +I am in a very tough spot rn, i was working towards becoming a teacher for 7 years, started my teaching certification programme (in my country you need to do this), but after 3 weeks I was so anxious of all the people i constantly had to deal with that i started suffering from constant belly pain, diarrhea, insomnia. So after spending 4 weeks on sick leave i decided i want to quit and try to focus on my mental health first and maybe find a small job (like a 10 h job) in order to be slowly introduced into regular work life while getting support from therapy and social services (the 10 h job idea was from my therapist because i havent had a job except for a summer job when i was 18 which was very traumatic because the boss constantly berated me, made fun of me and humiliated me). +I still live with my parents who have financially supported me throughout my studies (tho till i was 25 my health insurance was free and they got tax benefits and child benefits from me still living with them, if i had moved out i would have been entitled to support by them, my divorced father had to pay me 112 € a month for instance) and to them me quitting because i just can't work with children and a ton of colleagues and the constant stress of being judged and evaluated and dealing with maladjusted kids supposedly is understandable. However they demand of me to immediately get a full-time or 30 hour job so i can move out ASAP in potentially a field i have little experience in and they say i shouldnt become unemployed and rely on social services because it would look bad on my CV. +Because i was struggling to find a field that would interest me within a week of deciding to quit teaching and me offering to apply for a 10 h job at a library (smth i wanted to do before but my applications failed sadly) as a transitionary period my mother basically screamed daily at me the last couple days saying i should get a job and gtfo and stop acting like a child when i started crying, shaking and feeling like i was about to throw up. She says she is entitled to her financial support paying off after all this time and that i should get a job like a normal person and support myself. + +As a result of this constant yelling and screaming and ranting i havent been able to sleep for days, i have lost 3 kg of weight, lack any appetite, have to get up every night cus of diarrhea and havent slept more than 3 hours most nights. Yday i proposed the idea with the 10 hour job and my mother reacted as if i was telling her a bad joke and said i should be ashamed for even suggesting such a thing. In her rage she said i should gtfo she doesnt care if it's social housing or a homeless shelter and that she didnt financially support me to become a work-shy leech. So in my panic i phoned a bunch of social services just in case so i would know my options. Today she came in tears to me and said she was just very concerned about my future. Yday I talked to my doctor and my therapist about the potentiality of getting kicked out and they asked if i could go somewhere to get away from this situation so i can recover a bit like i was supposed to during my sick leave, so i decided today to leave for my boyfriend's place who is still a student and also lives with his parents but in a different country (we are in EU so travelling is no problem). I have some money left from my teaching job that i could give them if they ask for it (i was paying my fam 250 € a month from the teacher pay), so i wouldnt be freeloading while i stay there. +I have been taking Sertraline (Zoloft) for a few weeks now but have had very little success. I have been in therapy since november and been on sick leave since late february. I think if i had stayed i would have become suicidal as i was noticing myself starting to go numb and dissociate whenever i was being yelled at. After explaining my situation to my doctor she said she couldnt let me leave without asking if i have sucidial thoughts because in that case she would have recommended sending me to a clinic. + +Some questions are plagueing me now however... am i a coward? Am i doing the right thing? Am i a lazy leech like my parents call me or just too mentally ill to work a proper job for now? + +What do you guys think about my situation am i doing the right thing? What should i have done in your opinion? Kind of asking as a reality check",27 yo with severe anxiety living with parents fails at life,4 +1073," + +Whenever I open up and share my feelings my body feels physically sick and exhausted. Like it physically hurts. I feel so vulnerable like an open wound. I basically start shaking and feel nauseous whenever I do share myself. + + +I’m terrified of opening up, whenever I do I,ll just get shamed or ghosted. It feels like hell because it’s hard enough to put myself out there in the first place. + +It’s not even just deep stuff. Whenever I simply text someone I worry I’m bothering them and feel really embarrassed + +I’m afraid of getting close to new people because what if they end up changing their minds get bored and ghost me? I’m afraid of being forgotten about",I feel physically sick whenever I open up to someone,4 +1074,"For the past couple months now I’ve been having this weird feeling in my body like my mind and and my body are on a different course like my movements are almost robotic and my mind is losing control of my body. Ik people typically associate this with dissociation but I still feel in control and recognize and I’m mindful of the fact that I am the one controlling my movements but idk it’s hard to explain it just feels like a lack of connection between the two and at certain times it’s so bad I feel Im just going to lose control of my body completely. I’ve also been experiencing some feelings of being off balance, muscle tension, headaches, RLS, and brain fog and I’m starting to wonder if my fears really are anxiety or something worse. I saw a doctor and she told me it is probably stress related but I’m just having a hard time with all of this I’m seeing neurologist later this month but I just feel so restless and like I’m living in agony and losing my mind I wanted to see if anyone has gone through something similar and can offer any advice, Thanks.",Is this disassociation?,4 +1075,"I'm putting myself through a university undergraduate degree as a mature student (25) and I just had my grades improve over the last two semesters. But this semester... +My father in law had emergency surgery in January. +I got approved for breast reduction surgery in February and had it done March 21st (this past Tuesday) and now I have to drop 1 course out of 3 because I'm failing it and can't keep up (it's an elective that's not in my field of study). +I think the stress of that course will jeprodize my recovery, but my stress isn't gone. Due to my Fs in that course, I'm second guessing myself. I have an interview this coming Tuesday to be a research assistant and have to submit a writing sample and I feel inadequate. Even though I get really high marks on my papers in my field. + +I feel like I'm not allowed to be proud of myself. To be optimistic or excited. I feel like I have to be hard on myself instead of encouraging. I sound delusional asking if I'm being too hard on myself because I know the answer... But I can't let myself believe it.",Am I being too hard on myself?,4 +1076,"I’ve noticed the frequency of stressful events leading to anxiety cycles and acute depression has been quite alarming and figured, maybe the meds have finally pooped out. + +I’m in therapy, I’m doing yoga, I’m keeping busy, I’ve got a loving partner; it’s just this lil demon in my head seems to be gaining more and more +experience points and has been gaining a foothold on my day to day. + +Thoughts or opinion of those who have been meds this long? + +Thanks!",10 years of Celexa/Lexapro and thinking of making the switch to Zoloft,4 +1077,I’m wondering if anyone else ever has this. Usually when I breathe out or push on it it starts to get tickly. More so when I think about it. I’ve gotten an EKG done a few days ago and it came back normal so I guess that helps ease my mind a little bit. I told the doctor I’ve been having chest pains and she told me it was costochondritis because it hurt when she pressed on my chest. I guess it would calm me down more if someone could relate.,Does anyone else feel like their heart is being tickled and making you cough?,4 +1078,"Hello, I am new to this community, but I wanted some help. + +I’ll start with some context. I’ve always been a person that throws up and a lot of the time it was when I was nervous. This past year tho it has gotten much worse, with a time where I even went to the hospital because I hadn’t eaten in like 2 days and I felt so physically exhausted and dehydrated. At first I thought it was from weed and something called CHS, but quitting weed didn’t really make a difference. I also have delt with this vommiting in highschool before I would go to a party I would get so nervous I would puke. And that was before I ever touched weed. + +This led me to go to a gastro doctor who said he did not think it was weed related and instead some inflammation in intestines. I’ve been on meds for that for 3 months but it was getting better and I really started to take my anxiety seriously so I went to my doctor and they prescribed me an SSRI. I also will start therapy in a few weeks here. For the past month (after about 1.5 month on SSRI) I have been doing better. I hadn’t thrown up for a month, but these past 2 nights I have had very panic attack like feelings and tonight even pushed me to the point where I had to get up from being comforted by my girlfriend to throw up. And I always feel awful about it and like it’s going to just keep happening and I think I get stuck in that cycle. + +Does anyone have any tips/advice on dealing with this before my therapy appointment I thought I was doing so good but now I’m afraid I’m slipping back.",New to this. Need coping skills,4 +1079,It scares me that they're thinking of banning tiktok. Tiktok has been one of the only things that can calm down my anxiety and make me not stressed.,Is anyone else scared that they are going to ban tiktok?,4 +1080,"I have a crippling anxiety disorder and I’ve been prescribed Lexapro. I have GAD but I’ve noticed my anxiety has always been around my health, especially my heart. It’s gotten so bad that I barely leave the house and I’m afraid to exert myself which is depressing because I used to be a gym rat and exercising was what I used to do help cope with my anxiety but that’s not something I can do anymore, Atleast In my mind I can’t. This has really intensified over this past year after dealing with multiple panic attacks that have landed me in the ER and I’ve been getting a bunch of physical symptoms constantly that does not help with my worrying. I’ve had many tests done and the doctors are very reassured that I’m healthy. My Doc believes the Lexapro will help me but I can’t seem to find the courage to take it. I’m just so terrified of it, I’d really appreciate some encouragement to start my meds because I high key hate living like this .😭",Scared to start Lexapro,4 +1081,,I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself.,4 +1082,"I felt like my anxiety had gotten worse lately and that I had gone backwards. This made me feel extremely discouraged and a sense of doom, until I saw this quote. I wanted to share in hopes that it will help others too. Don't be so harsh on yourself, anxiety is a curse that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (if I had any lol) + +Take care x",A reminder that progress isn't linear and that's okay!,4 +1083,"The last month has been such a struggle for me. I started having panic attacks where my heart rate would spike to 150-180. I went to my doctor in case it wasn’t anxiety and just had my Holter Monitor results come back. I had one of these attacks while on it and thankfully no dangerous rhythms were found. Just some high rates but not sustained so my doctor is unconcerned. So once again, this is all anxiety. + +My therapist thinks it’s because I started a new job last month and I’m falling back into my old health anxiety habits because “Stress compounds symptoms”. + +This has gotten so bad that the past week I haven’t even been able to leave my bed out of fear of my heart getting too high. Due to probably the fear when I cooked or did dishes my heart rate could get up to 130 then if I noticed and began to worry it went up to 160. + +Now that I know I’m fine I thought I’d be okay but I’m still constantly watching my smart watch to see how high my heart rate gets then panicking when I see it go above 120 from just walking around the house but when I’m calm it doesn’t go over like 110. This happened on the Holter and it was normal. I know this is just anxiety but I can’t stop obsessing that I have a heart issue that’ll kill me. + +I just need help to take the smart watch off and stop taking my blood pressure. It’s just making everything worse. Yesterday alone, according to my logs, I took my blood pressure 50 times. I was worried because my bp was low when standing yet my heart rate was high so I thought it was dangerous. It happened again this morning and my heart rate got to 165. This constant checking is driving me crazy and ruining my life. How do I stop this??",Tips on how to accept my symptoms are just anxiety and start living again??,4 +1084,"Any time I get my bp taken it’s always high as I’m basically on the verge of a panic attack. + +I know it’s going to be high bc I get nervous that’ll be high and quite honestly I’m a fit guy with big arms so the cuff always gets uncomfortably tight, which makes me more nervous and turn I know that means we’ll have a convo about my high bp again …which is what I was dreading in the first place. + +So fellow anxiety suffers, do you have any tips to combat white coat BP?",Any tips for dealing with white coat hypertension?,4 +1085,I’ve had anxiety for years but no panic attacks in yeaaaaaars. However panic attacks have returned in the last 8 weeks and they’re awful. I forgot how bad they are. I’ve been reading deep breathing and breath work doesn’t super help and I know that to be true - but what else do you do during one? Do you just focus on your breathing however it is? How do you calm down the panic attack? The physical symptoms are awful!,Panic attacks have returned - what to do?,4 +1086,"i've noticed that over the last year i've become super anxious when it comes mine and my loved ones health, i think it's because my husband had bells palsy early last year. + +Since then anything will trigger me!! literally anything. I was picking at a mole (didnt realize) and it started bleeding and got itchy and now I have this anxious feeling in my stomach even tho i know IM the one who picked at it. + +I feel like even though my brain is like yes u picked at, u probably dont have anything to worry about - that anxious feeling in my stomach is still there. + +Other times if i have a headache it goes to the worst outcome. I make doc appts every so often but I also don't want to be that person who shows up so frequently for nothing and waste my docs time. + +Im really starting to feel hopeless and like Im going to live with this anxious feeling forever. + +I guess.. any advice?",Health anxiety,4 +1087,"I was prescribed 50 mg Zoloft for anxiety and depression which I took for the first time last night. What followed was the most excruciatingly painful and unbearable 12 hours of my life. I threw up anything I ate, heart was pounding nonstop, my entire body was numb, and I couldn't sleep without being constantly woken up by stomach pain or nausea. Pretty much all the anxiety symptoms I normally get except all at once and multiplied 100x. At certain points I honestly felt like I was about to die or pass out. +I know people say that it gets worse before it gets better but nothing could have prepared me for this. I don't think I'm gonna take another dose until I can talk with my psychiatrist and be absolutely certain this won't happen again. Anyone else have a similar experience or am I just really fucking unlucky",is it normal for an SSRI to make you feel like you're literally dying,4 +1088,"I'm sorry, but this is a long one. It's a bit of a weird story but I'm hoping that someone might be able to give me advice on what to do. Just over a month ago, I (female, cashier) got a new coworker (male, bagger) at the grocery store I work at. It took a while before we had a conversation together; he was helping me and asked me what kind of music I like. I was honest, and said that I like most genres and that I sometimes enjoyed listening to 20s and 30s jazz music. Then he just kept talking about old music at me for the next few days and seemed to always be distracted when it came to work. I don't like to talk much while I'm working because I feel like I mess up more when I do. So I began to feel anxious about being around him since I didn't know how to tell him I didn't want the conversation to continue every time we saw each other. + +Then, a few days ago, he randomly asked me for my number in front of a bunch of customers while we were supposed to be working. I had a bad experience the last time I gave my number out to someone (the guy turned out to be a stalker who harassed me for weeks and told everyone that we were in a relationship when we weren't, wouldn't stop calling me, tried to turn me against my family, etc.) and I immediately felt freaked out about why this guy would want my number when we don't know each other at all. It felt really inappropriate and unprofessional to me. I told him that we were busy and shouldn't be having that conversation right then (mainly because I didn't know how to say no in the moment) and that we could talk when we were done helping customers. But he continued to ask me repeatedly for throughout the next hour or so. He ended up writing his number down at some point and gave it to me, telling me when he was off that day and to immediately text him my number when he was off (this is while I was talking to a customer). Once we were done with all of the customers, I told him the truth: that I didn't want to give him my number and how I had had bad experiences in the past that started with giving my number to a guy I barely knew. He seemed to understand and then avoided me the rest of the day. So I thought everything was going to be fine. + +However, the next day, I started noticing that he seemed to be getting more clingy with me. He wouldn't be focused on doing his job and would stick around me as much as possible. He has a habit of sticking to my register instead of helping other cashiers like he's supposed to; he also seems to get bothered if another bagger is helping me and he tries to take over bagging for me immediately. I often notice him watching me from across the room. Every conversation we have is awkward. I don't initiate them because I want him to leave me alone so I can work. When he's not talking to me, it seems like he isn't really talking to our other coworkers that much. + +But then, the other day, I had a bit of a scary experience. I was going on break and went to our break room. He was in there and had headphones in, so I didn't think he saw me. After a few minutes, I went to the bathroom across the hall. When I came out a few minutes later, the room was empty. I suddenly hear loud footsteps running down the hall and he barges into the room, half-yelling my name just to show me a song from the 1800s for some reason. I'm worried that he might have been waiting outside the bathroom for me, which makes me kind of scared to be at work right now. I don't like being alone with him. Today, I spent the majority of my breaks hiding in the bathroom, worried he might bother me if I went anywhere else. + +I know that the anxiety I feel isn't healthy, and I can't tell if I'm just paranoid from past experience or if there really could be a real issue here. I don't know if I should talk to him, a manager, or HR about this. I thought that maybe I should just say nothing and act less nice to him and see if he leaves me alone, but I'm worried that it could just make things worse. I could really use some advice if anyone has some. Because I really can't tell if he's just trying to be friendly and doesn't realize he's making me uncomfortable or if there is something potentially more creepy going on.",I am feeling anxious about a new coworker. (TW: Past experience with a stalker briefly mentioned),4 +1089,"I (17F) am in my senior year of high school. I’ve sort of always been anxious, especially about people. Any time ANYTHING happens to someone I care about, even a little bit, I get such bad anxiety that I am often unable to focus on other things. + +So, as I said, in high school. When I first started high school, life was a mess. What’s important to know is that I had just made a massive transition and had come out of the closet. Not a lot of support from family, but that’s okay. + +In my particular HS, we have a home room class, and you have that teacher for home room for all 4 years. When I met my home room teacher, she was incredibly kind. For all 4 years, she continued to be this way. She made cards for everyone birthday, talked to me when I was rejected romantically for the first time, and always listened. We talked to each other while getting ready for the day nearly every day for the last two years. + +This week, she’s been absent. Very strange. Then, on Wednesday, she says in a slide prepared for the sub that she’s out on medical leave for the next few weeks. It wasn’t planned, you could tell from the way she talked in the slides of the previous days. + +I find out that she’s in the hospital, but fine. INSTANTLY, I’m full of anxiety, feeling like my soul was removed from my body. I’m just worried, like, a lot. I KNOW she’s fine, as far as everyone knows. I also led an effort for a “Get Well Soon” card, being given to her by another teacher she’s friends with. I don’t really know how to just patiently wait for the 3-4 weeks until she gets back. + +I’d also like to say that I KNOW she’s fine. My brain does not seem to feel the same way, especially when I’m not actively doing something distracting. + +TL;DR my teacher is sick and in the hospital and I have a strangely large amount of anxiety, even though everyone says she’s fine.",I am having a extremely large amounts of anxiety for a person.,4 +1090,"Hello everyone, i was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder at age 7. Im able to manage most of the symptoms with natural remedies except one which is excessive urination. SSRIs & Anxiety Meds do not help if anything they make it worse. Im now 27 and still suffering from the symptom. I have no physical illnesses and have seem numerous doctors and specalist and theyve said that everything is normal. It has recently started interferring with work and im now at risk of being fired from my job because they can not accommodate, even though i have a doctors note, they said the excessive restroom trips are causing business interruptions. I cant go to amusement parks, concerts, long road trips or hiking/walking trails because ill have the sensation of needing to go pee. Most of the time when i do go nothing really comes out...Does anyone else suffer from this or has suffered from it or have any solutions??",Anxiety Causing Excessive Urination,4 +1091,"I (23F) have a pretty okay relationship with my boyfriend's (24M) family. His mom is a devote Christian and her and I are pretty close and his brother (let's call him Jake) and I are okay as well. + +&#x200B; + +I follow the little brother who is 16 on Instagram and we occasionally interact (liking stories, pics,etc). Yesterday I remembered that my friends and I created a 'burner' account 3 years ago that we used to look and follow people we didn't know (crazy I know). + +&#x200B; + +Anyways, I noticed that Jake was following this burner. I looked at his profile as saw a bunch of stuff posted that I have never seen before. It was typical teenage boy stuff like rap music, middle fingers in pictures, etc. but nothing that I haven't seen before. I realized that I was blocked from viewing these stories and unblocked whenever he posted other stuff. I instantly started to feel sick and uneasy at the thought him blocking and unblocking me each time. I even felt a little teary. I thought, does he think I am uncool? Old? Did he think I was going to tell his mom? I also post things with cursing etc. so I really felt confused. I know in reality it is really not that deep because I too have older adults in my life 'blocked' from viewing my story but the feeling I felt was uncontrollable. + +I don't want to feel like this anymore. I have felt similar to this in other occasions and another user asked if I had rejection sensitive dysphoria. I am not sure if I do. + +&#x200B; + +TLDR: Boyfriend's little brother blocked me from viewing his story and I instantly started to feel uneasy.",I am sad that a teenager blocked me from viewing his story.,4 +1092,"too anxious to sleep, but i’m exhausted from not getting enough sleep last night. just feeling really helpless right now. + +if anyone is reading this and going through a similar thing, i hear you. you’re not alone. just gotta tough out the rough patches, this too shall pass.",having a really bad anxiety night,4 +1093,"I first developed severe anxiety and panic disorder in my senior year of high school. I can proudly say that with perseverance, proper medication, and the help of my lovely therapist, family, and friends, I was able to complete my senior year and begin college in the fall. I’ve taken a liking to this guy in my class, and we will hang out this weekend. I am very inexperienced in the dating world as I’ve only really gone out with three guys ever… none of which lasted more than a few months. Though I had not been diagnosed with anxiety in my sophomore year of high school, I began dating this guy whom I was pretty infatuated with. However, the first time he put his arm around me, I shook uncontrollably. I misread that as a sign that he wasn’t suitable for me when it was just anxiety. Fast forward to now, I am anxious about seeing this guy this weekend, and I am scared that these feelings of fear won’t go away even if we continue to see each other. Has anyone else been through this? What should I do? I don’t want to be limited from dating but l my body is giving me unclear signals of what to do.",College Student w/ Anxiety: Dating Life,4 +1094,like just randomly? all over their body or on one part/side,dae get chills?,4 +1095,"6 to 7 years ago I was diagnosed with GAD/PTSD. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with adhd. I have managed it all this time with no medicine, and I have been fine with for the most part. The only time my anxiety would rise a little bit is when it was triggered by stress. Which then I knew I just had to balance it out again. + +Well, this month ended up with heighten anxiety due to an allergic reaction being around seafood, one week later got a tooth pulled, 2 days later I was fussed at by an ER doctor, and then one week later after that I had anxiety reflux kick back so hard that it cause two days of back to back panic attacks. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t eat anything but rice and chicken, no meds, and being around doctors frighten me. I couldn’t manage to get myself out of that anxiety loop. + +Well I was finally about to get some hydroxyzine for “as needed dosage” 3 weeks later. My anxiety was down back to a manageable level but my fears were still there. I took one 25 mg pill in the evening. I got an euphoria feeling and drowsiness the whole next day along with diarrhea. Then all my anxiety was gone. I can eat food again without fear. I’m not scared to take meds again. + +This is the weirdest Anxiety is the moment I have ever dealt with. However, I’m now pondering if with my anxiety reflux being kicked up it had my stomach and brain a relay lap so when I took the hydroxyzine it suppressed that nerve in my stomach and it help my stomach feel better and then which stop the relay cycle. I guess that is something I will have to remember to ask my doctor.","Oh anxiety, you are weird sometimes.",4 +1096,"I went off anxiety medication 8 months ago. Cut it cold turkey by accident (I was never told otherwise). Thankfully had no withdrawals or anything. I have severe, severe, severe health anxiety and I was doing really good up until a few months ago it started to get bad again- but I was managing. However, the past 2 weeks have been really really hard with my health anxiety and I knew I needed to finally get back on and I’m so happy to be back on. I had some stomach issues and I’m freaking out. I had blood in my stools and bad pains in my pelvis. I also for the past 2 months have had a dull ache in my upper left abdomen. Had some blood and stool tests and all was good. Today is day 2 is taking my medication (Zoloft) and I have a weird, nauseating feeling in my throat/chest. It feels exactly like when you get super giddy and your chest/throat squeals with excitement. But I don’t feel excited- I feel so anxious. It’s almost like I have to gag or dry heave. Can the Zoloft be causing this? I had no side effects last time I was on it so it’s weird. My anxiety is going crazy because I’m afraid it has to do with my other symptoms.",Health anxiety / Zoloft side effects?,4 +1097,"I was eating a honey bun and while chewing felt something of a different consistency, like wadded paper. Well it was a sorta brownish color square less than an inch tall. it was wadded up and now my anxiety is having a field day. it has been about 30 minutes or so...I am just scared",Anxiety sucks help,4 +1098,"I've got therapy starting up soon and I have bad mood swings but I forget them a lot too and I need to track them. + +Does anybody know good app that lets you put more then one mood in a day?",Mood tracking apps,4 +1099,"Most people are mentally and emotionally sane, relatively at least. They might claim that the worry is all in your head, not understanding that your corporeal experience strongly suggests otherwise. They might tell you to think positive, because they don't have an inner voice that constantly gets drowned out by a huge stadium packed with negative objectors. They might take it rather personally when socializing is the very least thing you want to do, they could never imagine that them yapping on about their normal life drains your already depleted life-energy. Some of them might start all kinds of shit with you because they see you as a weak and opportune victim to unload their own shit towards, never realizing they're the real cowards. + +Some of them might truly want to help you out and tell you get therapy asap, then you might see some random bureaucrat person completely devoid of empathy struggling to stay awake while you pour you heart of desperately looking for some kind of assistance. Assistance that usually comes in form of dubious drugs that only work at a hefty price by the way So they advice you to go see some private expensive experts, unaware of the fact that your wallets suffers with you. They like to imply that you just chill the f out and relax. Because they don't have that intrusive, horrible, horrible, horrible, encompassing, joy-devouring, soul-obliterating, sucking, painful, torturous, uneasy pit of dread stuck right in their stomach with racing thoughts to boot. Perhaps they'll make sly remarks on how you need to just grow up, after all, they don't know how's it's like to think like an adult while emotionally reacting like a little fragile child scared to death. + +They might say go the gym or be physically active and get some endorphins running. To be fair, is actually solid advice if you can muster the strength to go there. Off course they have their problems too, the difference however is that your problem is you and how that you contaminate every aspect of your life. The point is, according to some of 'them' you're just a loser, useless, lazy, afraid, a waste of space, a failure with nothing to show for in life. They are so much better than you and intentionally or not they make you buy their version of you. + +However. It's just opinions from judgemental people at the end of the day. I don't want to you to waste any energy on harboring any resentment, envy or anger towards anybody, they just don't understand. How could they know the truth. Perhaps even you don't the truth about yourself, so I'm going to say it, just in case. + +You simply being here and keeping on makes you a tough as nails. A warrior that fights hordes of demons every day. Bravery is defined by the will to face fear, you have fear stuffed in your face all the time. You may suffer endless anxiety, but you as a matter of fact are courageous by the definition of the word. Doing your best to just keep going, that's it. It's not some lofty motivational speech, just a cold fact. + +It may not help you any bit to read this, but I for one will not let it be unsaid. Anxiety is bad enough in itself, so rather than feeling shame in addition you have earned the right to have pride in yourself. My intention is for you to keep that in mind on your darkest days, because I know very well what it's like to suffer anxiety while having your character measured by factors out of your control.",Actually you're a total badass,4 +1100,"I am absolutely spiraling about some things that happened today and I am very anxious about some things that‘ll happen in the next months. +Today my anxiety has reached its new peak. +I am extremely nauseous, lightheaded and it feels like there‘s a thousand butterflies in my chest. +It feels like I‘m about to pass out from anxiety and I don‘t know how to calm myself down. I‘ve tried to distract myself, but it doesn‘t work. +What can I do??",I think I‘m gonna pass out from anxiety,4 +1101,"My partner has lied to me in the past and now anything that is remotely close to that topic makes me think he’s lying. And then I spiral and think I have to check his phone, then I think he deleted messages, then I need to check his Apple Watch, and then I think he may have used another form of contact and I start to feel like maybe I’m being illogical and crossing the line. In the moment, I feel like nothing can give me relief except for finding solid “proof.” + +I’m not proud of this behavior. I recently started therapy for my overall anxiety. Unfortunately it is hard to afford to have sessions often enough. + +Context: +He lied 1.5 years ago about something relating to a female coworker it was not infidelity. After lying, he was able to “prove” he was telling the truth. I feel 99% confident about it. Since then, he lied about about small things like not playing video games while on the phone. Idk I don’t want to damage my relationship with this but I also don’t want to be lied to again and turn a blind eye. + + +So how can I know if I am acting because of anxiety and overthinking opposed to following intuition and following my gut. My intuition is how I caught his initial lie.",Is it anxiety and over thinking? Or is it intuition? How to know the difference?,4 +1102,"First time posting here. For context, I suffer with anxiety (obviously), and also have bipolar and OCD parents. I find myself constantly obsessing over high blood pressure and high BPM. I'm a heavy set guy. I'm trying to be healthier, but I have a long way to go on that. Sometimes, hours of my day are spent stressing over whether my heart rate is too high, and when I do so, I find it usually makes it go higher. + +I hate going to the doctor because of it because I know my BP will be high, and I don't want to know how high. Today, I had to go to the doctor and ofc it was high, but I was also having a panic attack while they were checking it because of the nerves I have around the whole thing and already had to walk 3 miles just to get there. I wasn't even there over my blood pressure. Anyway, after the visit I was sobbing and hyperventilating the whole way home. I just don't know what to do. Obviously, I have to get it under control, but in the meantime I need to find some way not to obsess over it because it keeps triggering panic attacks.",Blood pressure/Heartrate,4 +1103,"I just wanna rant ab this cuz im embarrassed saying it irl because we all struggle and its not something special. i just hate how lifes going and might go. im find im just in college, i have a fine family situation and everything but man im just tired working, doing homework and whatnot. the fact that i have to keep working hard in both of these categories to succeed in the future makes me very anxious and i hate it. imma keep going tho i just hate it.",Life,4 +1104,"Does anyone else experience derealization during the good times? For example, Christmas, birthday parties, concerts. Like I tell myself “you need to soak this in” and then it feels like it barely even happened. Is this normal?",Derealization during good times?,4 +1105,"Hello everyone, new to this community. Just wanted to know if how I feel is felt by someone else around the world. I’m just…tired. And not because of the spring air and everything. This last few months I’ve experienced record anxiety levels and they kind of stopped but it’s a loop, when I least expect it they come back. And for the silliest things too. I can’t enjoy any day anymore because of how bad the situation got. +I’m currently in therapy, I journal, I practice sport and meditate, I try to distract myself but anything seems to work. I’ve tried all the methods, I’ve read thousands of articles. I feel restless and it’s a feeling I’ve been carrying with me for quite a while now. My mind constantly works, elaborates stuffs even when it should shut down. +I used to dream a lot a few months ago, and now all I do is go to bed trying to empty my head before it hits the pillow. +Am I close to a burnout? +I can’t focus on studying because my mind is elsewhere. I just don’t know what to do anymore since I’ve tried everything I could. Do you have any suggestions or pieces of advice? Any techniques to calm the mind down that actually work? Thank you❤️.",Do any of you feel restless about living even the simplest way? I’m anxious and worried all the time and I just can’t live like this,4 +1106,"I got a phone screening interview with a really big non profit, which I wasn't expecting. I did the call yesterday, and at the time I thought it went okay. They said they'd get back to me by end of day today or early Monday. It's 10pm EST now which is well over the end of the day, and I'm sure I didn't get it. + +I just keep thinking of everything that I did wrong. This internship could literally set me up well after graduation if I get it. I didn't even think I'd get a phone screen interview. But now I'm thinking if I did badly and I wasn't worth bringing into the next round.",Not sure how to not worry about potential internship,4 +1107,"So it was my biology class and it was one of those classes where I had none of freinds in and was extremely uncomfortable every lesson because alot of the time we were made to answer questions infront of the class or have to find partners and obviously me being awkward and with social anxiety I never j never had a partner. + +And because of this I always would get a red face from embarrasment and I guess she took notice because the time we we learning about why the face goes red she decided to ask me a question about it knowing my face would go red and once it did she said ""oh look it's happening now"" which obviously made it 10x worse and she littarly made me stand up and face the class it was one of the worst days of my school life. + +In her defence she was older and I doubt she evain knew how painful that was for me to do that but yeah just a random story I doubt anyone read this far lol.",Story About the time my teacher made me stand up to show my red face to show the class when I was emmbaressed,4 +1108,"Not sure if this is anxiety but it’s been doing this for a while + +https://streamable.com/q34ads",Thumb twitching?,4 +1109,"I (26 M) am super frustrated with myself, today I had a cardiologist appointment bc I have palpitations sometimes and my heart races randomly when I have acid reflux. The cardiologist did some blood pressure/pulse checks to rule out POTS and said I was fine on that front. The EKG came back great and he said my heart was in excellent shape. I even asked him to order a take home monitor for me just for some peace of mind and he was ok with that. I had an echocardiogram done about 1 year ago with a different cardiologist and everything came back great. Now as I get home from the doctor my anxious brain gets to plotting and is now worrying that ""He didn't order you another echocardiogram what if he's missing something"". My rational brain believes and trusts this doctor very much, but the anxiety part of my brain just wants to create more worry for any reason it can find. Can anyone give me some advice or insight? Is there even any Medical reason I would need a second echocardiogram 1 year later? I assume it detects defects that have been there probably from birth so a second one is probably pointless but it's hard to tell my anxious brain that. I Just want to believe the doctors when they give me positive news and believe that I'm fine. + +Edit: I should note I am very aware that I have health anxiety and I am currently in therapy for it already, It still bugs me though.",Why can't I believe what the doctors tell me?,4 +1110,I don’t even know why I had so much trouble filling out the forms. I know that I have enough documentation and support to at least get an interview and talk to SSA but I couldn’t do it. They called me and sent me reminder letters and I even had a hard time opening those letters. I only have myself to blame for getting denied.,I had anxiety over filling out my SSI and SSDI forms and they denied me because I never sent them in,4 +1111,Free counseling and support for anyone struggling with dependency issues in Los Angeles California,Free counseling and support for anyone struggling with dependency issues,4 +1112,"I definitely haven’t built a tolerance, at most I used to take 0.5 once a week. I had a manic episode and was hospitalized, after I was released I tried to take rivotril to calm down and it did absolutely nothing. + +Could the mania have permanently altered my brain chemistry? I’m also a LOT more sensitive to caffeine now. I was always sensitive to caffeine but it’s gotten a lot worse, I can’t even have a Pepsi, which has a negligible amount of caffeine",Benzos don’t work for me anymore??,4 +1113,"I’ve been really struggling for 3+ years now. My symptoms are down mood, EXTREME exhaustion no matter how +much I sleep, feelings of being on edge, feeling spaced out 24/7 like my mind is slow and foggy, feeling disconnected from myself and those around me, a bit dizzy or lightheaded, feeling no motivation and like everything feels hard, feeling as though I could loose my mind at any second and just general groggy and confused feeling even though I never do actually loose touch with reality. + +I have had blood work, brain MRI, every thing is normal! But truly I feel so strange and run down and frustrated every single day. + +Please, has anyone had these symptoms? Can they truly all be caused by poor mental health? And can they someday go away?? I am losing hope.",Is this truly anxiety and depression?,4 +1114,"I’ve been dealing with some health issues that have left me with no answers so my anxiety has been THROUGH the roof - I’ve been dizzy and exhausted from my anxiety. + +But I’ve noticed my anxiety starts 5am waking me up from my sleep with a knot in my stomach, my heart beating out of my chest and an impending doom feeling…then I lay in bed deep breathing. Once I get out of bed I feel better. My anxiety is still there and then peeks from 12-3pm. Then around 5pm I am like a whole new person…no worries..enjoying my hobbies..eating as if I have no worries anymore. But then the whole process starts again the next day!! + +Anyone else?! How to stop this horrible cycle",SAME TIME ANXIETY,4 +1115,"**Just in case anyone needs a TW, there is talk of medication** + +**and in advance i'm sorry for any spelling errors** + +&#x200B; + +wasnt feeling well at all and started stress eating. i tried my stratergies that i do with my psychologist but today was just one of those days if you get what i mean. + +i've eaten too much, but a majority of what i've eaten is sugar which also gives me headaches when i eat a lot of it (also in case this is needed information; i dont get sugar high). + +idk if i can take nurofen or panadol (Panadol is a paracetamol i think, and i think nurofe contains ibprofen) for the headache because i'm on ritalin (methylphenidate) and Movox (Fluvoxamine, i think its called something else in america though and most people on reddit seem to be from the US) and idk if some pain killers are compatable with ritalin or movox. + +im also on a birth control to manage my periods (its called ""Evalyn"", i think im spelling it right, idk the science medication name off the top of my head though) but i know i can take pain killers with my BC. however it does cause mild indigestion. i though it'd be good to include this because the intestines and stomach are connected lol. + +the queasy feeling is really bothering me and i feel sickly. does anyone have any tips on what i can do to ease it? ive drank lots of water (both for the stomach ache/ queasiness and for the headache) and have my big water bottle next to me in case i need more, but it hasnt helped. just looking at anything food related is making me feel like im gonna throw up too. i've thought of sleeping it off but i struggle to nap during the day and i've already slept in a ton this morning so my body doesnt feel sleepy at all, i've tried putting ASMR on too but that isnt making me sleepy. + +would really appreciate if anyone knows how to help this. i might try looking more into wether i can safely take some pain killers or not (using reliable sources so that i can make sure i'll be safe) + +i'm also gonna ask on a medical related subreddit if i can take ritalin and movox with pain killers at the same time because it's really hard to find information online on my own. + +thank you to anyone who reads this and thank you to anyone who can help, means a lot to me",stress ate and now i feel really poorly. anyone have tips on soothing the aches and nausea?,4 +1116,"Hi, looking for a bit of advice and experiences from r/anxiety here. + +Around Christmas I started to develop some kind of anxiety disorder and had a lot of panic attacks. For most of my life I've always been a little anxious and tended to overthink, but these symptoms were just much worse. Up to this point I've also been smoking weed, but not excessively, mostly once a week. After developing said disorder, weed now increases my symptoms, despite it never doing something like this before and it mostly calming me down. Even when I had a greenout, I mainly suffered physical symptoms. + +In response to my symptoms I started with autogenic training, a lot of introspection about my fears and stopped smoking for about a month. With this I got the worst of it under control. Since then I've been smoking a few times with mixed results, sometimes I get more anxious and panicky, but on other occasions it also felt like a normal high. + +Right now I still have some lingering symptoms that can be better or worse, depending on the day, so I'll definitely quit weed until I can resolve this. My question now is, if any of you here have suffered something similar and were you eventually able to smoke without getting anxious again? I'll be honest, I quit enjoyed being high, so that would be quite the bummer, but certainly not the end of the world. + +Thanks in advance!",Anxiety and Weed,4 +1117,"I have exams fast approaching everything was fine until one day my heart started to beat faster and rapidly and after that for the past 5 days everytime i try to sleep it races so fastly that i gasp for air. +Took an ECG it was normal. +I don't know what to do,feel like i might die in my sleep.",Need Help. New here,4 +1118,"Hi! +I am 19f and finally submitted to my local area's Wellbeing Service in the UK. I'm not diagnosed with anxiety (yet) but I'm finally taking the steps I need to in order to improve my quality of life. I guess I'm just looking for how it works and whether it takes as long as ADHD referral (I'm going to psychiatry UK for that, got referred in November and waiting for an appointment)? Any advice would be greatly appreciated 💜",Referral Guidance,4 +1119,Anyone who has had this every day for like a month or more? I just started Prozac to deal with anxiety but I’m concerned.,Face tingling/pressure?,4 +1120,"28M. + +I've had a lifelong fear of flying that feel well-prepared to take head-on, especially the fear I've had around taxiing and takeoff. I've flown before, but it's gotten harder to get through the process without running out of the airport dizzy, panicked and overwhelmed by guilt in the past few years. + +Specifically, I took a program called SOAR designed to help fearful flyers manage their fight/flight responses around takeoff and aviophobia, or *fears when the plane is in the air.* I felt confident in the last few weeks that I could do this. + +But as I lay on my side writing this, I realize I was completely unprepared for the anticipatory anxiety ahead of the flight. + +I woke up at 4 am this morning in a cold sweat. My extremities were numb. I couldn't get a 10-minute patch of sleep in without my stomach seemingly twisting into knots. The last 17 hours has been a waking nightmare of existing in a moderate to strong panic attack state. My appetite is nonexistent. I'm barely able to drink water. Every nerve in my body is screaming at me to tell my friends that I can't go on the spring break trip we planned. + +It's crazy, I'm a grad student and I have never felt as tired as I do now just spending this day holding myself back from tears and a full breakdown. + +I'm so tired that a beach doesn't sound nice right now. I just want to curl up in my bedroom with no direct sunlight, to sleep, to cry, to indulge in self-hatred for having a response this extreme to something so commonplace in life for a lot of people. A vacation is the one thing I need right now, but trying to take one via flying has destroyed me. I'm lucky that I had nothing to do today, because it was not going to get done. + +I don't know if this thread is a message in a bottle, but it helps to get it out. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear it. + +I still want to fly, deaparately. It's one of the big things keeping me from living my life on my terms. But having to spend almost 48 hours in utter hell is not worth it.",Anticipatory anxiety ruined my chance at a vacation. I'm so tired of trying to fly and failing.,4 +1121,"I (24M) have been dealing with anxiety and treatment resistant depression for the past few years or so. It’s gotten very bad and my mental health has deteriorated as the days go on. I’ve started struggling with really bad brain fog and confusion and it’s really freaked me out lately. I’ve been unable to work since mid last year and still live with my brother and mom. My dad moved about 30 mins away a year and a half ago after my parents got divorced but they stayed friends. + +The past few months have been hell, dealing with the brain fog on top of the other issues, and not being able to find a doctor to take me seriously. I’m surely at a loss. My mom has began dating again and is legitimately obsessed with online dating. Buying every membership to every site imaginable, talking to a different guy every night and most nights she’s going out. Now this probably wouldn’t bother me but when I have so much going on, sometimes I just need someone to talk to. + +I was always extremely close to my mom, she has always been there for me but lately she really doesn’t even seem to care. Her only worry is that “I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself” but she doesn’t want to do anything to help me. She told me this morning that she wants me to go stay with my dad and I’m so hurt. I’ve lived here for 24 years and I just want to feel clear headed again. Idk what to do and I feel like my parents hate me. I honestly feel like I have nobody. + +I do go out with friends a lot of nights or just hangout to get out of the house, I workout so it’s not like I’m just sitting at home waiting for her. But you can’t even have a conversation with her without her staring at her phone. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it and I can’t imagine losing my parents emotionally. I’m at a loss.",My mom doesn’t care anymore,4 +1122,"Reacently the realisation, that our lifes are finite hitted me really hard. All day I can only think that probably some day I will become a widow (just statistics) and its ruining my life. I cannot enjoy my current life because of this. I love my husband insanely and the thought of losing him some day, even if its many years afar seems devastating. I cannot imagine my life without him. I dont know what to do anymore. I can only pray that I die first.",Fear of future and spouses death,4 +1123,"Hello. + +So my country is going to have an election in the fall. Politics used to stress me out much more in the past; I've since then cut a lot of the sites that were stressing me out and most days, I feel pretty good and don't really worry about it that much. My country has been ruled by religious extremists who are incredibly bigoted for eight years now- I'm so tired of their constant discriminatory comments, blatant disregard for any sort of decency and integrity and they overall just make me so tired and anxious and sad. They've started to rule when I was a teen, and I'm a young adult and they're still at the helm. It seems like they will win this year again, and another, even more extreme religious conservatist party has a chance at becoming the third biggest power. + +I fell into a mental hole and I can't get out of it. I know that the elections will be in the fall and it's early spring, but I just feel so depressed and powerless. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to and that it will always just be horrible. I know that it's my brain making a bigger deal out of it than it should, but I'm just so tired of it all- can at least one thing go how I want politically? + +How do you deal with feelings like these?","Politics has made me anxious again, I just want something to finally go right.",4 +1124,"My cat just got put to sleep. My anxiety is through the roof, I feel like crying, but every time I start to cry I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. My anxiety is extremely physical, I just felt like I had a literal heart attack. My chest felt extremely funny, it hurt, my heart started to race, I got really dizzy and my legs and hands went numb and tingly. I don’t know what to do, I have had panic disorder for a year now, but this has to be the worst panic attack to date. +Please help me",worst panic attack ever,4 +1125,"I’ve (22F) have been on anti-depressants since I was 14, but I’ve never felt 100% better. I switched from Zoloft to Celexa about 2 years ago, and I’m currently taking the max dose of Celexa, but I still get pretty bad bouts of depression and anxiety at least a couple of times per week. I’m in therapy so I know of a variety of coping measures that I can take, such as exercise, journaling, spending time with friends/family, and breathing techniques, but none of those things seem to work. I don’t have any major problems or stressors in my life either, I’m just depressed for no reason 2-5 days per week. + +Does this mean that my anti-depressants aren’t working, or do I just kinda need to suck it up? I’m scared to try new anti-depressants bc of the withdrawals and potential worsening of my depression, so I’m not sure what the best thing for me is to do.",Are my anti-depressants not working?,4 +1126,"I'm scared my dog bit my postman when I'm not at home. My granny had dementia and by the looks of it opened the door for postman. Usually she slightly opens the door to not let the dog out but I'm scared she let him out. + +My dog has never bit another person before and only barks at them. One time my uber came through the back and he only barked his head off him hut the uncertainty is killing me. As far as I know Australia doesn't kill dogs off first attempts but I'm still scared.",Anxious about whether my dog bit the postman or not lol,4 +1127,"I need help. Please I need so much help. I took it at 9:30 pm last night. The first hour I felt amazing, then i went to sleep. I woke up and I couldn’t tell if I was awake or asleep. Everything was moving in slow motion. I had so much anxiety that it felt like my chest was burning. I couldn’t feel my own heartbeat. I was able to go back to sleep but I feel the same thing now, it’s been 22.5 hours later. My head feels like it wants to explode. I’m dizzy and off balance. Cant stop shaking. I want to vomit my brains out. So much anxiety it hurt so bad. + +I’m going back to the doctor tomorrow. they told me not to take the second dose. 50mg. I’ve never been on any medicine before. My body hates it. I just want this to stop please. + +My question is how long will it be until I stop feeling this way? I want this feeling gone. My head is so heavy. What do I do?","Quitting Zoloft first day. I’m spiraling, what do I do?",4 +1128,"I have terrible anxiety from exams. Especially after the exam is over, I make scenarios in my head like I’m going to fail or get accused of cheating by the monitor because they told me to stop talking twice. This time, I forgot to write down the time I came back from the bathroom (they have this paper we have to write when we left and came back from the room). Usually they write the time after we give ID but this time for some reason we had to do it all. I did write down the time I got out but I didn’t write down the time I came back (left twice and yup forgot twice). Usually we don’t have to do this so that’s why I forgot. I’m worried this might get me in trouble because there’s no way they can know the time I actually came back to the exam room… ugh I know it’s dumb but dammit if they notice this it might actually get me in trouble 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️",I can’t even vent to my friends and family anymore because they’ll definitely think I’m crazy :(,4 +1129,"I’m having anxiety at work, i hate feeling this way. I took these gummies (OLLY brand) to help my anxiety, I shouldn’t have skipped them yesterday and decided to take them today. I also had a little bit of coffee to wake me up some which was not the best idea. My boss is making me do cakes which I hate being the cake decorator. I have expressed this 100 times but nothing. I have a lot to do. It’s just not a good day. I guess the only good thing is, I have stuff waiting for me at home (retail therapy ✨) I hate days like this.",Just one of those days…,4 +1130,"Work is causing me so much stress at the moment. I wake up I cry and shake. I get to to work I have a meltdown. I sit at work and my brain is going into overdrive listening in to every conversation wondering if my name is involved or what not. I can’t relax. I get home and I cry cause I’m so exhausted as my body is constantly shaking or fidgeting or overthinking etc. I’m hardly eating cause I’m just not hungry. I’m hardly sleeping cause my brain is overthinking… + +Today is the first day I have not gone in to work but I feel worse cause I’m now thinking about what’s happening there while I’m not there. + +How do you get out of a rut like this? I’m 22 and I’ve just moved into a house with my bf so money is a big thing at the moment and I can’t just hand my notice in or better yet leave…. I just feel so stuck and I can’t get out. I have an appointment with my doctors on Tuesday but idk if I can make it to Tuesday :(",Feeling so overwhelmed. can’t cope.,4 +1131,"Does anyone have any recommend for guided breathing videos on YouTube that are long, 30mins+, that you can listen to through headphones when in a situation where you anxiety is elevated to help control your breathing? I hyperventilate, and one on calm app are too short for me",Long Guided Breathing videos,4 +1132,"I decided to see the new John Wick movie late after work today so decided having two energy drinks full of caffeine to keep me up and then a follow up beer during the movie would be a great idea... + +During the first action scene each gunshot made my heart rate go faster and faster gave me huge amount of adrenaline that just wouldn't settle, I must have watched the whole thing with my heart racing at 100bpm, immediate acid reflux, sweating, feeling trapped in the cinema gripping my chair for 3 hours. + +I'm currently at home in the tub trying to calm down, the movie was awesome though! 10/10 would recommend!",I had an anxiety attack during an action scene in the new John Wick movie today...,4 +1133,Hi! How effective has buspirone been for those of you who suffer from panic disorder or generalized anxiety? I’m hoping to take it on its own starting next week.,Buspirone for GAD panic disorder,4 +1134,"Disclaimer, the post is slightly copy paste from this thread but I want to share this on many threads in order to get some help. + + +I'm M 33years old: + +[What's really interesting is, every single described on this thread are almost identical to the ones I I have right now, so if you can please check them out so you understand what I am going trough.](https://www.reddit.com/r/costochondritis/comments/jrihv6/chest_pain_for_months_no_answers/?xpromo_edp=enabled) + + +The only logical explanation I've found myself is, that it might be severe Anxiety or Burnout I've experienced which makes my muscles being tense up all the time without me even realising it and get inflamed by the constant stress. + +As well some people, from what I've googled, claim that it might be side effect after a COVID infection (around June 2022), but oddly enough my wife is totally fine despite both of us having similar symptoms while we were sick (I got headaches and my throat hurt, her throat hurt and she was tired, both of us were 3x vaccinated). The only reason why I rule it out, is because these pains did start 2 days after my bed broke down while I was lying on it (August 2022) and we changed the bed mattress afterwards around october 2022 but we've slept on the couch (that can be transformed into a bed) which is literally a wooden plank with the old mattress on top of it that was way overdue (had a ""hole"" in the middle so had to change it) for almost 3 months. + +Before this all happend, I was really really stressed for years because of tons of private issue that negatively impacted my mental health and I was inactive during the lock down (2020) and after losing my job (june 2021), I've been almost every day on the PC (with bad posture probably) from 2019 - June 2022. (I got now a new job in september 2022 but got laid off from a previous one I was in for 3 months around January 2022) + +Also I was on Amitriptyline 25mg for almost a year, and stopped taking them as my neurologist told me back than (June 2022), I used to have around 2021 iirc similar pains/tingles on the left side of my body but not like the ones I have right now. + +I do really hope if anyone finds out what we can do do finally feel better, beside accepting our symptoms and live with them. + + +I have the typical tingly, electric feelings around my left side, headaches, migraines, heart races, burning/cold feeling on one foot or both etc these symptoms typical come when I feel really anxious. + + +Now all the symptoms seems to focus on Chest/Pain/Neck Pain with Brain Fog with, especially when the pains are strong. + + +The only relief I've found was lying down (tough sometimes I had moment where my back was blocked/stiffed but just for a short time and after I moved a bit), taking walks outside in the fresh air, being distracted, doing some stretching of the muscle where I have the pain. + + +Yet what I hate is they all return. +I've did the classic health anxiety attack routine going to many Doctors, ER etc: +dozens of Bloodtest came fine, have a slight Arthrosis and disc misplacement on my neck (nothing seriously according to the doctors), Neurologe didn't found any anomaly, Cardio doctor in August/September 2022 told me my heart is totally fine (we did a stress test on a bike) + + +So in the end, I really hope it's just my anxiety/burnout, as my doctors all say, who gave me all these physical symptoms. All I want is that these pains finally stop! And if I did write many confusing things, please tell me so I can clear it up. + + +P.S. I wanted to add as well that I grew up with stress my whole life ever since my childhood and that even to this day, I am really nervous and my fingers are always tremble, I am now asking myself if my body decided to crack when I got into my 30s",Is it Anxiety/Burnout and why do my neck/back/chest pains haven't stopped ever since august 2022,4 +1135,"24M, 6’ , 215 pounds +I have what I believe to be anxiety disorder. I almost always have some sort of anxiety. Sometimes I feel a little cloudy and maybe even a bit u stable on my feet. The worst is when I’ll be working; doing something minimally exhausting but my heart rate will raise to over 120 and then the panic ensues. The rapid rate can last hours. Maybe I am a hypochondriac and the more I think and check my pulse the worse it gets. Does anyone else have this happen? I have asked my doctor for a referral to a cardiologist just to be sure. I’m currently on no medication.",Rapid Heart Rate,4 +1136,"I haven’t seen my friends in a while, and I don’t have much money since I’m not working at the moment but I figured I’m young and can go out to eat something every now and then. But now I’m just….I’m not sure how to even put in into words but nervous? I’m nervous/scared of leaving my home and it was so sudden. I’ve got like two hours to decide but I don’t know why I’m feeling this way? I’m scared something happening to my mom while I’m out",Staying at home vs going out,4 +1137,"I am 3 months postpartum and my doctor just prescribed me Zoloft 25mg. I have been having horrendous anxiety and insomnia. I finally decided I needed to do something about it. I took my first dose last night and was shakey and nervous and couldn’t sleep. So I took a hydroxyzine but that didn’t really help. So today I decided to take it earlier to see if that will help. I took it at noon. I am feeling so awful. Having diarrhea, which I guess I don’t really care about. But I have a headache and am soooo foggy. Like I feel weird and out of it and so tired but at the same time nervous and amped and I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Someone please tell me this gets better and it’s worth it. I can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. I have a baby that I have to care for so i hate feeling like this. I'm thinking about trying unisom tonight to sleep. Also I am breastfeeding.",Zoloft Postpartum Anxiety,4 +1138,"(26 year old female) sorry for the long post… I’ve been on anti depressants for about the last 12 years of my life. I was always on 100 mg zoloft & then switched to 20 mg lexapro in 2018, but went off of them for about 6 months in 2021 to try to live without them. At the end of those 6 months I started to get dizzy more often & have what I can only describe as uncontrollable thoughts. Not suicidal or thoughts of harming anyone, but I just did not feel in control of my emotions and I felt like I was gonna lose my mind lol & very depressed. So I got back on lexapro 20 mg & after a few months I started to feel average at best but better than before. August 2022 I started to get brain zaps/dizziness every day for over a month so I went to a new psychiatrist and got back on Zoloft 50 mg to start. I worked my way up to 75mg & started to feel a lottttt better, but in December my dad died and I was extremely close to him so that obviously set me back. I went up to 100 mg around Feb 2023 and have been having issues ever since. Very dizzy, lots of anxiety & panic attacks, and the weird uncontrollable emotions/thoughts and always feeling on the brink of a panic attack have been happening since. It gets A LOT worse at night and that’s when most of my issues arise. +Within the last 6 months I’ve seen an ear doctor to make sure I didn’t have inner ear issues causing dizziness, an eye exam (I got a small prescription mostly for being on my phone/computer or reading), and I got an MRI done and saw a neurologist. All has always come back normal so I’m thinking it’s a medication issue or lack of something. I’m mostly looking for advice or comfort to make me feel better since I’m not doing well lol. Thanks for reading ❤️",Advice greatly needed,4 +1139,"Hi, + +I've been having very bad anxiety attacks lately. I've been taking valium and it's helped but doesn't eliminate it. I've never had it sooooo bad. I also take olanzapine. I'm in the gym trying to push it away but I want to run home and take a valium. However, I only have a few tablets left. I'm really struggling on what to do. + +Anyone else feel the same or have been in a similar place?",Panic Attacks,4 +1140,"I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety I take 400mg seroquel for sleep and have a weird side effect , when I take it makes me have those sudden life realisations about my self *really bad thoughts” + +Exactly like a bad weed trip and that’s why I stopped smoking weed . + +It’s weird since I’ve tried all drugs from benzos and opium to ssris and snri and it’s the only drug that makes me feel this way + +Why I am feeling this way? I searched a lot and couldn’t find people with the same problem",Seroquel makes depressed,4 +1141,"I began taking Lexapro yesterday and I began feeling nauseous and just an overall off feeling. I also began feeling like burning sensation in my stomach, like a lot of acid and today I began feeling cramp like feeling around my stomach. + +Has anyone dealt with this when starting Lexapro?",Is this a side effect of Lexapro,4 +1142,"I woke up this morning with not a thought in my head but was experiencing bad physical symptoms (stomach tight and nervous feeling, chest tight, ect). Just curious if it's possible to be physically anxious when mentally you're doing ok? + +The only other thing I can think of is that I'm mentally anxious about the physical symptoms but would love to hear other people's experiences!",Is it possible to be physically anxious without being mentally anxious?,4 +1143,"This is probably a very particular issue and I’ve never really wanted to post about my anxiety but I’ve led myself here anyway. After a weed induced panic attack about 5 months ago, things have been pretty hellish for me. I’ve got a painful feeling in my chest I would say the majority of the day (anxiety, of course), every day. Now, I love love LOVE films. I plan to go to college next year and study film. I’ve wanted to become a director for years now. As you’d imagine, that requires me to be able to watch pretty much any kind of film, whenever. But, going to the cinema, something I hold so close to my heart as being a place I used to love, a place I would go to escape, has become really difficult for me. I really struggle in the days leading up to going, takes serious mental preparation. I’ve been a total of 6 times in 2023, which to people who know me, is simply unheard of. I’m a big fan of the John Wick films and have plans to go see the 4th one tomorrow. I’ve been waiting a long time to see it, but I just can’t see myself actually going out and seeing it. If you’re aware of the John Wick films, you know that they’re probably the most “foot on the gas” and brutal action films around. Which I feel is going to really freak me out. In my experiences of going to the cinema with anxiety, I’ve never had to leave the cinema. I’m pretty uncomfortable being there but I’ve never had to leave. I think that the main thing is the fear that this thing I love so much is being taken from me, despite me having no evidence to support it. While I’ve been able to push myself to go all the other times, I just can’t see it happening this time. I know it’s a lot of mental gymnastics but if anyone has ANYTHING to tell me at all I’d really appreciate it. +Thanks :)",Going to the cinema,4 +1144,"Starts off slow, maybe you don't notice then eventually starts going up and no matter how hard I try to meditate, mindfulness and it slowly goes up until it peaks and I crash down. Then I'm okay for a day, a week, and start climbing again. + + It seems to go up and down and I'm on medication, in therapy, practice mindfullness and it always seems I take a step or 2 forward, then take a step or 2 back. It's so frustrating",The Rollercoaster ride of anxiety.,4 +1145,"I don't know why all of a sudden after almost a week of no symptoms, now my body decides to flip the switch and start all over again... + +Yesterday i thought i'm having a heart attack because my left arm was aching all week and then yesterday and even today i had chest pain. + +Now it started that my other arm is aching too and my whole body just feels like i have the flu or something. + +Even my mouth feels spicy and weird... + +I don't know, is this really something anxiety can do? + +I don't feel sick at all, but everything hurts like i'm in full on flu mode. + +Pretty much everyone on my mothers side of the family has rheumatism, maybe it's finaly breaking out for me? + +Has anyone else felt like you usually do when you are just completely flu struck, only that you aren't actually sick? + +Today was the first time i took a magnesium supplement (187 mg) so maybe it has something to do with that?",My whole body is aching like i have the flu,4 +1146,"I have heart palpitations that I’ve been to a cardiologist about for years and have always been told they’re just a result of anxiety. I hear of people having heart palpitations during panic attacks or while feeling anxious, but I have them all day everyday no matter how calm or regular the moment is. I suppose underlying anxiety is still there, as I’m a jittery person naturally. But they’re annoying and distracting. I tried a beta blocker but it did absolutely nothing, my cardiologist says anxiety meds might help but I’m nervous to take any pills I don’t have to. + +I heard magnesium helps with heart palpitations but I know nothing about it, how much is good versus bad, what form to take it in, etc… any info is appreciated! + +Anyone alleviate heart palpitations with magnesium? I’d love to hear about your experience.",Magnesium for anxiety-related heart palpitations?,4 +1147,"I'm not talking about mania or hypomania here. But in the past I increased my escitalopram dose a few times. I was really ""climbing the ladder"" dose-wise (I think that I had to increase the dose over and over in order to keep the ""happy"" effect going) so I had to quit and come back down to the proper dose. I felt unbelievably great as I increased the dose. I took notes on my experience and I was just saying how great I felt and how I had nice memories of my family and my past...my mood was just great. + +Antidepressants have been in use for a while now so I'm sure there's some wisdom about (1) whether being happy like that is sustainable, (2) whether it's healthy or not, and (3) whether I could've actually ended that phenomenon of chasing the effect up the ""dose ladder"" and gotten the effect to ""stick"". + +Most importantly, when the ""happy"" effect was in place all my ADHD medications were working. This was absolutely life-changing. I can read in my notes that it says over and over ""if I could only maintain this level of healthy brain-functioning and ADHD-medication effectiveness then I would have a great life"". I wonder if there's anything to be learned from this whole experience that I had with the escitalopram and the ADHD medications; maybe the experience can provide a clue as to what to try in order to have a sustainable foundation for my ADHD medications. + +I do have some anxiety/depression/OCD; I don't think that it's at the clinical level. I mean, I looked up the criteria for OCD and one of them said something about the issues taking up an hour of your time each day, so I'm far from that. And when it comes to depression and anxiety, it's a situation where I have mild issues where you could probably say that it's unhealthy for me to have the negative tilt to my emotions that I have...again it's nothing clinical, though.",Is it bad if your antidepressants makes you feel happy (I'm not talking about dangerous mood elevation)?,4 +1148,"I'm on week 2 (upped to 10mg 5 days ago) and I know about the it gets worse before it gets better thing -- but it is biting hard, very hard + +I'm also on lamictal 100mg (2x 50 a day)","Trintellix/vortioxetine for severe anxiety, results?",4 +1149,"I know I’ve triggered a reaction from my title. How do you cope? + +I’m nearly 30 and might break up with my partner over this if I can’t control it. I know this might be a fact of my shitty brain but I’m doubt my best to manage it. Does anyone have any suggestions? + + +Edit: +To clarify, my partner is arriving home soon.",Someone is coming home!,4 +1150,"I barely get enough sleep, i feel on edge constantly like im gonna have another episode. My breathing has been an issue for days now and i keep having ticks and making humming noises occasionally and when i breathe out. I cant focus properly on anything or distract myself. The physical feeling are so intense I genuinely feel like im dying and cant stop it. I cant stop doing heavy breathing occasionally and my throat feels so strange, like ive had globus sensation before but this feeling is like tenfold, i get a sickly tingling sensation in my stomach and chest and not to mention that its so hard to physically talk, eat and drink when i really want to. Any tiny little thing can trigger me an then i spend hours-days having an attack that leaves me tired and unable to sleep. I take 20mg citalopram every morning an it doesnt seem to be working. Any advice woould be amazing since im up to try anything at this point. I just want the pain to go away.",My anxiety makes me feeling like im dying everyday and its ruining my life. I dont want to die but dont know what to do.,4 +1151,"am 33 years old, married, house, full-time job but I miss my parents all the time. I see them once in the evening after work and for dinner on Sunday’s usually but it’s not enough. I literally count the days in between seeing them and miss them so much that I cry. I am sure this is not normal and need some advice.",I miss my parents all the time. Need advice.,4 +1152,literally had to get up and leave idek why it’s a thing bc i don’t end up throwing up,anxiety nausea back at it again,4 +1153,"Monday I have a panic attack and was diagnosed with GAD. + +I'm only 18 years old and I do stress and I have had anxiety before but not that I've had a full on panic attack I feel like it's taking over my everyday things. + +Last night I had one and this morning when I woke up I almost had one but I managed through it. + +So far I've been outside and that helps me but doesn't make it go away fully. + +I went to eat at a restaurant and right when I walked it I got panicky and couldn't eat my food because I couldn't hold it down and I had to swallow the 2 bites I did take WITH WATER. + +I know this is temporary and I plan to work out and get a therapist and MAYBE take meds but is there anything I can remember to know for next time? + +It hasn't been a full week and I've had 2 panic attack and almost another. + +I'm anxious about being anxious cause that will trigger a possible attack + +Panic attacks make it feel like I'm having a heart attack or anything life threating. + +I should enjoy life but ik this is something that will take some time to deal with. + +My hands shake a little and I still have a fast heart beat even when I don't feel panicky. It also feels like a pit in my stomach is waiting for a thought to pop up for me to panic. + +When waking up today I panicked and walking it off reminded me of Monday when I walking and had the panic attack. + +Anything I should know for next time?",I recently got diagnosed with GAD and need help with how to cope with potential panic attacks,4 +1154,If I take .5 mg of lorazepam now will I be good to drink around 9 pm (about 4.5 hours)? In the past I have waited around 24 hours and felt no difference,.5 mg lorazepam and drinking,4 +1155,,"Today i was at a neurologist and i told him that i suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and depression. He offered me some kind of injection that was quite expensive and he said that is recommended to be taken 6 times! Any idea what could be inside that needle shot ?",4 +1156,"I'm so so tired of morning Anxiety. Every morning I wake up wanting to puke from being anxious. Does anyone have any experience of how to not wake up feeling like you're about to get into a fight? + +Any advice would be most welcome 🙏",Morning Anxiety,4 +1157,"(Sorry for the bad english or any grammar mistake :D ) + +I've been dealing with my anxiety since I was 17. Since then, I've been looking for ""triggers"" that makes me feel more anxious. Like a pattern. So I could deal better with it (I dont have any pro help). I've realized that my anxiety gets worse when I have to talk with people. So, I've been trying to better my communication. And Im better, actually. I'm feeling more calm around other people. + +But there is something that it's haunting me since I'm trying to better my anxiety. I realized that there are some people that makes me worse. Sometimes even colleagues. For some reason, when I see them or talk with, I have a bad feeling, a heavy energy, and my anxiety explodes. Because of that, I cant trust on them. And I'm always in the ""alert mode"" when I'm around them. I don't know if this is a problem that my anxiety creates in my mind or if it's something that other people also feels. + +That's why i'm here. I'm trying to understand if the problem is me and my anxiety or them. Anyone feels like this around some people? + +Ps: I cant get away from some of them because of college and my job, unfortunatly :(",Does anyone feel anxiety because of some people?,4 +1158," +I still try to do everything even thought I'm dealing with anxiety this month (the feeling of impending doom) and the last step for now is to return to my part time job since I've been on holidays. + +So I would like to hear what stuff were you guys scared of doing but still did it and are proud? (It can literally be anything)🙂",What's your story/experience of successfully getting out of your comfort zone while having anxiety?,4 +1159,"**I've had an overwhelming fear of blindness and deafness for years.** + +I developed **tinnitus** when I was in high school, due to exposure to loud music. My tinnitus isn't awful, I'm able to be productive around it. But ever since then, I've been fearful of one day losing all my hearing. + +Also, I've been fearful about blindness, due to a family history of sight issues, **dry eye syndrome**, occasional **eye floaters**, and the fact I often work late nights on my laptop. + +I saw a doctor about the eye floaters, but **was told that those are normal**, and most people get them. + +I'm conflicted because I have a smartphone compulsion, which feeds my fear of visual impairment. + +I just want to know how I can overcome **these fears because they often give me anxiety**, and I almost cried once out of fear my vision was getting cloudy. + +I'm sure it's not the end all be all, but **I fear I won't be able to achieve my dreams (filmmaking) if my sight and hearing are affected.** + +**Would really appreciate any words of encouragement and help. Thank you.**",Overwhelming Fear of Blindness & Deafness. How Can I Overcome?,4 +1160,"My anxiety has gotten really bad lately. It has gotten to the point where I'm getting anxiety attacks almost everyday now and I don't know how to make it stop. I can't stop worrying and overthinking. My brain won't shut up. It has been keeping me up at night and I wake up every morning feeling anxious. I've tried meditation, exercising, yoga and I even cut caffeine out of my diet but nothing has worked. I feel so exhausted and defeated. I don't think I can cope with this much longer. I feel like I'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown.",I can't deal with this anymore,4 +1161,"I have been volunteering as dog walking which is helping with my anxiety lately. I had anxiety contributed by family and work. + +You can always check ur nearby shelter for dog walking instead of adopting.",Dog walking (animal shelter) anxiety reduction,4 +1162,My intrusive thoughts and anxiety have been crazy lately and these concepts have come to mind. I’m petrified I’ll truly lose it one day and be on record as having the worst attack ever known or something. Tell me I’m not alone?,"DAE not only fear their next attack, but fear it will be even worse and/or their worst anxiety attack experienced ever?",4 +1163,"Took 50mg of Zoloft for the first time about 40 hours ago, and have been feeling extreme brain fog and derealization yesterday and today, and also I feel extremely fatigued and sleepy. I only took one pill but I was wondering if anyone knows how long would it take for these side effects to disappear?",Zoloft side effects,4 +1164,"I have a second date (anxiety is also telling me it’s not a date and that I’m not of interest to anyone other than people that try to take advantage of me.) with someone next week. I am so excited because the first date was a /blast/. My anxiety is telling me to play it cool, and not to look too eager and to only express interest if they express +interest first. + +I would have listened in the past. + +I think it would be in my best interest to tell them I’m looking forward to it because I am. + +So, I am going to tell them that I’m excited to see them next week. Better to be myself and turn-off someone that isn’t interested in my genuine excitement to spend time with them than it is to keep pretending.",My anxiety is telling me not to be honest/vulnerable,4 +1165,"I've been trying to answer this question for a while. How do I know what's the cause and what's the effect when it comes to mental state? Am I depressed and suicidal because of how my life turned out to be or am I perceiving life to be more shitty than it is because of underlying mental disorders? + +I have never been to a psychiatrist so I have never been diagnosed, but I've been dealing with OCD since I was 6, I experience a lot of MDD, anxiety, social phobia and ADHD symptoms. I've also been suicidal for more than 6 years at this point. The thing is, most of those things appear so small when put next to 7 figures in the bank account. Most of my issues would immediately disappear. Only then I would be able to do things because I can, not because I have to. I experience what I'd call a ""money induced paralysis"". I talk a bit more explicitly about it in [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/v4qq6k/discussion_lack_of_motivation_induced_by_lack_of/) thread. + +It's very unlikely that I'll ever be financially independent and it's unlikely I'll ever find something interesting enough I'd deem worth pursuing for hours on end(AKA passion). Those realizations alone are enough to make me apathetic, procrastinate on all matters and basically give up on life and wait for the right opportunity to kill myself. I'd rather be dead than live a life I don't consider to be worth the effort. + +I've been thinking about seeing a psychiatrist for the past few months but I have my doubts. I procrastinate on making an appointment because it feels like my problems stem from money, it's not like they'll make me rich over there. In fact I'll lose money. That is enough justification for me not to go. I also can't get myself to schedule other appointments (blood tests, physio, dentist) because if my life will remain the same despite improving in some areas, then why bother? I'll kill myself anyway without winning a lottery or without some magical epiphany occurring in my mind. + +I suspect there could be something wrong with my brain, because plenty of other people have lives objectively worse than me, yet they see survival as something of value in and of itself. That could be the result of them being ignorant, me being ungrateful or my brain being disabled. So, how do I know whether my shitty mental state is caused by my views on life, philosophy, bad attitude, being lazy, ungrateful, spoiled, etc. or by some condition beyond my reach? Or perhaps that's how it's supposed to be, because my conclusions are logical and I just can't ignore them?",How to tell the difference between mental disorders and shit life syndrome?,4 +1166,Recently I just stand doing nothing and then my body gives me anxiety? Like... I used to remember things and get anxious but this time even moving my eyes gives me anxiety? Feels like fear of having that feeling causes that feeling. A sudden sharp pain in chest. I dont know how to stop this. I get triggered once in a minute and im scared of having heart issues because of this. There is also a mild pain in my chest all the time. It feels so weird to lose control that much lol.,Compulsively giving myself anxiety?,4 +1167,I just left my primary doctor and suggested BuSpar due to all the good things I’ve heard on here. Always turn down SSRIs because of sexual side effects and heard this is better. Anyway she told me buspar is effectively just like Xanax? That I can’t take both it’s one or the other? They’re both an “as needed” drug. Is this true? To me Xanax is a bandaid. Long term won’t change and work toward a cause. She made it sound like buspar is effectively the same even though it’s an SNRI not a benzo???,Buspar not for long term result?,4 +1168,"For example, is one more likely to experience side effects the higher the dose or the bigger the increase in dose?",Are SSRI side effects dose dependent?,4 +1169,"It's not something I wanna do, but I'm made to do it. I had a root canal procedure because of an infection and my dentist recommends I get a crown for further stability. I personally think it's optional at the moment since it's my front tooth and it isn't subject to a lot of pressure. But you know, Asian parents, they're forcing me through it tomorrow. + +I'm so against getting a crown because it involves drilling away healthy tooth structure so that it will fit. It's permanent because tooth enamel can't grow back and so such a procedure I've been constantly anxious about it since the appointment got booked 3 weeks ago. Every day since, I've been dreaded for the day which is tomorrow. Has anyone had similar experiences or currently has a crown in their mouth? I'm worried about many things such as whether it feels like your natural tooth, whether it's the exact same color or a little bit off.",I'm getting very anxious about my dental procedure tomorrow,4 +1170,"Hi, I wake up every day with discomfort in my hands, calves and feet. +It is not really pain but it is very unpleasant and difficult to explain. +So I would like to know if anyone has ever had these sensations?",Waking up with a feeling of discomfort in the body,4 +1171,the fear of going crazy.. it's here again.. is there anyone else dealing with it?..,again low,4 +1172,"My mother doesn't have friends. She said if she won a lot of money it would be easy to 'buy friends'. What do you make of this comment? I wasn't sure what to say - but I kind of relate in the sense that if you find it hard it may feel like an option, although probably a bad one!","""Buy Friends"" comment?",4 +1173,"I’m a 25 year old male overall healthy, I have been suffering anxiety and panic attacks for about 6 years now. I got on Prozac about 2 years ago and it’s helped tremendously. I get anxious here and there. I’ve gone to a whole bunch of doctors before the Prozac to all tell me I’m fine. Cardiologist, neurologist , ent etc. the other day I was at the pediatrician for my daughter and I started feeling somewhat antsy and hot and then I started sweating, feeling dizzy, felt short of breath, I thought I would pass out. I freaked out and didn’t calm down until I left about 30 mins later. I’m worried if I have a heart issue or if this just goes back to it being anxiety? I recently did bloodwork 3 weeks ago Everyrhing came out fine except my cholesterol being minor elevated which I’m taking care of already and eating super clean. Let me know what you guys think",Anxiety,4 +1174,"Back in January my 3 year old lab mix had what we think was a mild seizure. We took him to the vet the next day. Blood work came back normal so all we can really do is see if it happens again. Thankfully it hasn't happened again but we don't know for sure. + +But I don't want to see it happen again. This dog is my whole world, my best friend. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've always had anxiety but after seeing that happen to him it's gotten worse. I hate seeing him suffer. + +There are days where I don't want to leave the house in case anything happens to him. There are days where I hardly eat or drink anything because I'm so anxious. + +I don't know how to move on. If it happens again I don't know how I will cope. I want my boy to live a long happy life.",Anxiety After Seeing Dog Having Seizure,4 +1175,"Hey guys + +I have had some pain and a feeling of weakness in my left arm for a week now that i want to get checked out at a Orthopedist today. + +But when i cane back from a walk i had a sting in my left chest when i breathed in :/ + +Now i'm sitting here and my left chest feels a bit sore and stingy sometimes, and my heart is beating quite fast. + +That coupled with my arm weakness makes me very scared :( + +A heart attack would be more obvious right? + +It would hurt a lot and i probably wouldn't be on reddit right now if i had one right? + +I'm so scared right now i hate it, it's still 7 hours before the Orthopedist opens up :(",A heart attack would be very obvious right?,4 +1176,,Having so much anxiety right now,4 +1177,"Thinking about taking it for my GAD. I’ve been on Lexapro for 3 years and it’s not working at all unfortunately. + +What are your experiences with Cymbalta if any?",Anyone have any good experiences with Cymbalta?,4 +1178,"So I'm 32f and since I was a kid I've struggled with anxiety and sleeping. Afraid of the dark, night terrors, sleep paralysis all that fun stuff. + +My partner, is going away for 2 nights for a work thing. This means I'll be alone in the house. I have never been alone in a house, I've always had house mates or family in the house with me. Any time I was left with a house to myself I would get mates to come over and stay or I would go out. Its only at night when I have to go to bed in the house that I have the issue, I otherwise tend to enjoy being by myself. + +This whole thing is filling me with more and more anxiety. I know i'm building it up alot but its been one childhood fear never managed to sort out. + +I want to get over this, I feel quite pathetic that its causing me so much panic. + +Tools at my disposal: +1 incredibly needy cat that sleeps with me every night. +A tv in my room. + +Hoping for advice and encouragement.",I'm an adult who can not sleep alone.,4 +1179,Hello I’m haveing anxiety because my neighbours pour things like pee dog poo etc I can’t put my plants out side cuz water is always falling of their top balcony and on to mines there are really hostile to my then I get racism from them keep in mind I did nothing to them it is like they are heart less and my boys and I are scared cuz they threatened as I call police so much time they do nothing I’m also looking for i new home they do drugs they spat at us when we go out side and they say the reason why water falls from the porch is because the water tank they party ever day it’s really scary In hope I can move to better area I stay strong in front of my boys but i cry in the in side it feels like no cares about us at all it’s more worrying cuz I’m I single mother of 2 and upstairs is all men idk what to and I’m scared for my life and my children life btw I’m in Scotland sorry if I mis spelled some things it cuz I’m shaking.,Neighbours,4 +1180,"Hey! I have been taking oxazepam 7,5mg-15mg once per day for my anxiety for the past 2 months. I'm neurotic about getting addicted, eventhough I don't think I have too high risk for that: I have been taking those pills max. 2 days per week and I'm even keeping two weeks pause from using them atm. I try to avoid taking those pills even two days in a row. + +I have them as needed and I was wondering can I continue using them like this or am I going to be addicted? Like if I take 15mg once/two times per week for a month and keep two weeks pauses just to make sure? + +Does anybody here use these pills as needed and how often do you take them? They really help with my anxiety but I want to respect that medicine so I try to take them only when my situation is really bad.",Oxazepam?,4 +1181,"I know I sound stupid for this i really do and usually I can get myself to think otherwise but… tiktok is always the perfect place to scare you for things. I saw a tiktok about someone with heart failure and i have so many symptoms… I’m always constantly extremely fatigued i get winded from just getting up and walking somewhere, it’s extremely hard for me to work out, when I stand up my heart rate can go from 80 to like 130, i’ve had a cough that i haven’t gotten rid of in almost 3 years. Given I am out of shape from hormonal disruptions but now i’m nervous. I know there are other things that can cause this but now i’m paranoid. Someone help me think rationally about this 🫠😫",someone help me think rationally,4 +1182,"In the last week or so, I have been taking small doses(.5/1.0) of Lorazepam(only as needed) prescribed by my doctor for anxiety. + +I have been experiencing some weird effects, which are feelings of weakness, weird random head pressure that will come and go, and weird scalp sensation that come and go and pressure weird dreams, etc... Just was wondering if anyone else has experienced these symptoms or other symptoms when taking or going off of Lorazepam..Like I said, I only take it if I feel extremely anxious. My anxiety has also been really high..Has anyone experienced these symptoms due to anxiety and or effect from Lorazepam/benzos? I plan on asking my doctor, but just wanted to see if others experienced these or other symptoms..Thanks!",Lorazepam side effect/after effect,4 +1183,"I’ve (24M) dealt with depression/anxiety for years now. I used to be great with people, make good money, have the nice cars, great girlfriend, supportive parents, friends that I could say looked up to me etc. and then I was diagnosed with depression. Within about a year, I quit my job, lost my girlfriend even though she was great to me, and have yet to keep a stable job for more than a month at a time. + +My depression eventually was ruled to be “treatment resistant” after being on a number of meds and trying many other things. Some would work for a couple months and then I’d fall even further back from where I was. + +But now, after not having worked since early July of 2022, I am dealing with extensive and scary brain fog. I’ve incorporated working out, eating healthier, taking supplements and just trying to live a healthier lifestyle as I figured this was coming from a bad diet my whole life. I also got all blood work done including thyroid, basics, vitamin levels, testosterone etc and everything came back normal other than pretty high cholesterol. Both doctors I’ve seen (general practitioner, psychiatrist) has kinda blown me off when I tell them about the brain fog. Almost like they don’t really know what to say or what the next step should be to ruling out causes. + +I’m so scared as I’m feeling like I’m going crazy or have dementia. My parents are usually very supportive when I’m going through stuff but my mom doesn’t even want to hear me talk about it and my dad isn’t always around as he lives about 45 mins away. I ended up packing some things and driving to his house tonight without saying anything to my mom. I just hate feeling alone and don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m at the end of my road",Nobody takes me seriously,4 +1184," ""I don't feel very good, it's like I don't belong in this world (I don't think I ever did). My friends are happy, and I'm always the one who's not really funny and who ruins the mood. So now I try to say as little as possible, people always ask me if I'm okay, if I'm tired, or worse, they say I'm scary. I think I'm just a mistake. People must find me weird or creepy, it's ruining me. A few years ago, my brother committed suicide, I felt very close to him, I think about his death all the time, I wish I could start my life over again and make the right choices (for once). What affects me the most is girls, I think... It's ridiculous, but I would love to have a relationship with a (very) pretty girl. Sometimes I think I've suffered so much that I would at least deserve that. I saw the damage my brother's death caused in my family, now I think if I didn't have a family to make suffer => suicide. My message is so selfish, and I know it. Thank you for reading these few lines..."" + +\-Lust",selfishness,4 +1185,"I can't sleep most of the nights, meds didn't help.",Is there any way to sleep better?,4 +1186,"Hi, all. I have to give a presentation at work next week (45 minutes long and the CEO will be in attendance). I’m already panicking, as once the anxiety kicks in, I’m certain I’m going to forget everything I’m supposed to say. ( anxiety makes it very difficult for me to focus on anything) Does anyone have any speaking tips that have worked for them in the past? Thanks so much!",Public speaking tips?,4 +1187,"It's not about being scared I didn't lock the door or something, I'm just really scared of opening doors the wrong way or turning a key the wrong way in front of people or pushing instead of pulling and viceversa, it's honestly debilitating because i feel like I'm gonna die everytime I have to open a door. I wondered if anyone else has the same problem and how to fix it if possible.",I have really bad door anxiety!,4